"Previously on Nip / Tuck..." "You look good." "I found something that I know can help me." " What?" " Scientology." "I want to do an operation on the baby." "It may take multiple surgeries." "I can't know that yet, but I want to do it soon." "Okay." "Do it, Sean." "Like my new baby?" "230 grand." "Spoils of the sale, my friend." "Four hundred and fifty horse, top speed of 192 per hour, multi-point sequential fuel injection, and a color TV in the dash so I never miss an episode of Oprah." "I picked up a new set of wheels myself." "Oh, yeah." "Sixty miles to the gallon, and I can drive it in the carpool lane." "Check this out." "I had it installed this morning." " Any day now, huh?" " Yeah." " Nervous?" " Third time's a charm." "We're hyper-prepared this time." "No surprises." "Which is why I want you to have this for when Julia's water breaks." "I mean, you were there for Matt and Annie's births." "It's a McNamara family tradition." "Call my cell phone." "Beepers are for plumbers and drug dealers." "You never answer your phone." "The line of my jacket's ruined, Sean." "Look, Christian, I need to take care of Julia during the birth." "Allamby is adequate, but I want a doctor there I can trust in case there are any complications." "Okay." "What's so funny, ladies?" "Linda, are you blushing?" " Yeah." " Roll over." "I want to spank your ass." " Oh, baby." "Huh?" " Yeah." " Do you like it that way, huh?" " Oh, yeah." "Yeah, I want every inch of you, baby." "Oh, yeah." "Here we go." "Oh, yeah!" "Touchdown, baby!" "Touchdown!" " Yeah!" "We're good!" " Touchdown, man!" "Yeah, baby!" "Good!" "Give me more!" "Give it to me!" " Christian, is that you?" " All right, you want more, baby?" " Yeah." " Yeah?" "I can go all night." "I'm a goddamn juggernaut!" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "Where the hell did you get this?" "Looks like you screwed over one AV nerd too many, hot pants." "This was posted on YouTube yesterday." "It's gone viral in the last 24 hours." "Your fat ass has been downloaded 6,000 times, Christian." "This is bullshit." "It's also illegal." "You could sue." "This is an invasion of privacy." "I don't give a shit about that." "Leaked sex tapes are gold." "But look at the angle she's got on my tummy." "I look like Jabba the Hutt." " Look at me!" " I'm looking at you!" "Jesus!" "The camera does add 15 pounds." "Yeah." "Say I'm the hottest piece of ass you ever had." "Okay!" "Okay!" "You're the hottest, sexiest piece of ass I've ever had!" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "I'm coming." "I'm gonna come!" "Oh, yeah." " What?" " Yeah." " I'm gonna go wash it off, baby." " Okay, baby." "Oh, yeah." "What a body." "Holy shit." "Is that my ass?" "Is this a stretch mark?" "It's nothing." "You didn't get stretch marks with Matt or Annie." " Why worry about them now?" " I wasn't 40 when I had them." "Here, let me do it." "I'm not gonna let you have all the fun." "Don't forget to be home early." "We have the interviews with the nurses Linda recommended." "Of course." "Nose jobs will have to wait." "This is my priority right now." "Do you think it's too early to be hiring a night nurse?" "If there's one thing I learned from having two kids already, it's that they don't give out parenting medals for being up all night." "His condition is gonna be challenging, Julia." "The only way we're gonna be able to handle it is if we hit the ground running." " Say it." " This is ridiculous." "What's the difference?" "You say it 10 times a day." "Tell me what you don't like about yourself." "I'd like you to do some lipo on my midsection." "You're overreacting." "My imperfections, while slight, have been broadcast for the whole world to see, Sean." "Now, I have a strong ego, but when a whole city starts looking at you as if you're flawed, it's hard not to start believing." "I went to a club last night." "I could feel everybody's eyes looking at my stomach." "Christian, this is classic body dysmorphic disorder." "Look at yourself in the mirror." "You are a model of physical perfection." "I know, but I can be better." "I know I can." "Would you tell a millionaire to stop making money?" "Do you say that "hottest piece of ass" line every time you have sex?" "Pretty much." "Fine, if you don't do it for me, then do it for the business." "Plastic surgeons can't be fat." "There's an epidemic of obesity in this country, and it is our job to exemplify a healthy alternative." "Passing on the Key lime pie or that second bottle of merlot might be a more reasonable way to set an example." " Diet?" " Yeah." "Is that what we tell the 20 people a week who come in here looking to get their spare tires sucked out?" "No, Sean." "We're in the quick fix biz." "I went through the video a few more times, and I've identified these as my problem areas." "I saw the video, too." "I think it's your ass you should be marking up." "Just put me on the books." " How can you do this to me right now?" " Do what?" "I'm having a handicapped son in a few days." "How can you stand in front of me and be so superficial?" "Well, I'm sorry." "I..." "I guess I thought you were doing okay." "I mean, you seem so on top of everything." "You need to talk?" "I'm here for you." "No, I'm fine." "It's just..." "There's still a lot to do." "I just think you should call your trainer before you call your doctor." "15, 16..." "You know, this would be a lot easier if you came to see me more often." "Candy, I'm a plastic surgeon." "I don't have time to come down here and sweat it to the oldies five times a week." "Models and actors." "Nothing but time to work out and jerk off looking at themselves in the mirror." "Yeah, actually, he's not an actor." "That's Dr. Mike Hamoui." "He's a plastic surgeon, too." "Come on." "Let's go." "Come on." "Nineteen." "Come on, Christian!" "Up, up, up!" "All the way!" "Let's go!" "20, 20, 20!" "All right." "Are you staring at my dick?" "No, I'm checking out your ass." " Dr. Christian Troy." " Dr. Mike Hamoui." " McNamara/Troy, right?" " You've heard of us, huh?" "Yeah, you guys were front-page news for a while." "And I saw your video." "Seriously, though, it's an honor to meet you." "You guys were the first place in town to mix plastic surgery with style." "You paved the way, my brother." "How big is your practice?" "Too big." "Just had to hire two new associates, and we're thinking of taking on a third next month." "I tell you, Christian, this town is filthy with malakas who will pay the big bucks to look half as good as we do." "Let me ask you something." "How do you get that delineation in your abs there?" "I've been doing a thousand crunches a week, and I can't seem to get mine to pop like that." "I don't eat." "Seriously." "I have protein shakes for breakfast and lunch and a light dinner." "And no refined sugars." " And I'm in here every day." " How do you find the time?" "Well, the hour you spend watching SportsCenter, I'm in here." "During your 45-minute lunch at Joe's Stone Crab," "I'm jogging down the strand." "You gotta make the sacrifices." "Sacrifices?" "You're a goddamn physical terrorist." "But I don't have to wait to get into heaven to screw 40 virgins." "Look, thing is, I'm 33." "Your basal metabolic rate slows down 10% every decade after 30." "Now, you look great for your age." "But it's next to impossible for you to look like me." "Not naturally." "Hey, it's nice meeting you, huh?" "Why the hell haven't you returned any of my calls?" "I didn't know you worked out here." "I've been trying to get ahold of you for a week, Mattie." "I've been kind of busy." "Doing what?" "Handing out leaflets at airports with Hare Kimber?" "You see, that's why I don't want to talk to you, man." "You're an SP." " God damn it, I'm not superficial." " No, suppressive personality." "That's someone who keeps you from being your true self, realizing your full potential." " Who told you that, the self-help fairy?" " No, Kimber." "She's got a lot more to her than you think, man." "Trust me, slick, I know every inch of that woman." "She's nothing more than a bleached-blonde vampire, and you need to stay the hell away from her." "Wait, Mattie." "Mattie, Mattie, wait!" "Come on." "After everything you've been through, you're vulnerable right now, that's all." "Kimber feeds off that." "You can take my word for it." "Since when did you become the moral authority?" "All you care about is women, how to abuse them, and maybe flashy cars." "Look, I just can't have you in my life right now." "All right." "How long is this gonna last?" "Until I decide." "I'm getting my nursing degree at Barry." "That's why I moved down from Akron." "Yeah." "And have you worked with handicapped children before?" "I prefer "handi-capable. "" "The child doesn't think there's anything wrong with him." "It's just the way life is." "I hope it's okay, but when Nurse Linda told me of your child's condition," "I did some research." "I assume, as a plastic surgeon, you'll be performing the reconstructive surgeries on him?" "That's right." "Well, I'm very comfortable administering medications and changing bandages." "Now, poopy diapers, that's another story." "Well, Monica, I'm gonna check your references, but barring anything unforeseen," "I think that we'd love to have you working with us." "Do you guys know how often the bus stops at the station on the corner?" " You don't have a car?" " It's being shipped from Akron." "I promise it'll be here before I start work." "You know what?" "This is silly." "I mean, it's pouring out." " Sean will drive you home." " Yeah, of course." "Are you sure?" "I won't melt." "Oh, please." "He never misses a chance to take his new hybrid baby for a spin." "Excuse me." "The garage is back here." "So how are you doing, Dr. McNamara?" "I don't mean to pry." "It's just that I've worked with a lot of families with handi-capable kids and it's always the father who takes the back seat to everyone, even the dog." "We don't have a dog, but thanks." "I'm fine." "I'm so excited to start working down here." "You know, in a big city." "Oh, Miami's great." "You've got the beach, the Everglades, lots of young people." "With your personality, I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends." "Yeah." "I went to South Beach when I first got here." "I know how far my personality will get me next to those perfect bods in their dental-floss thongs." "No, don't say that." " You're a very attractive girl." " For Akron." "Would you give me your honest opinion on something as a surgeon?" "What do you think about this bump on my nose?" "I always thought it sort of looked like a permanent zit." "I wouldn't change a thing." " Hey, you mind if I turn this on?" " Sure." " Here." "This one." " Where's..." "I can't..." " You turn that." "That's up and down." " Oh, wow!" "Cool." "Oh, yes!" "I love this song." "This would be my prom theme." "Mine was Stairway to Heaven." "God!" "Makes me feel so old." "God, I miss that time." "Nothing to do but chill and have fun." "No responsibilities." "All that ends when you have kids." "That feeling of freedom, nobody demanding anything from you." "That's what youth is." "Yeah." "I guess I should try and enjoy it more while I still can." "What's a wonderwall?" "It's somebody you can always lean on." "No matter what you need, they're there for you." "I don't understand." "How does an electric car run out of gas?" "It's not a golf cart, Julia." "It's a hybrid." "Electric and gas." "You still have to fill up the tank." "The electric engine's very sensitive, and once you run out of gas, it just shuts itself down." "I'm waiting for AAA." "Did you at least drop Monica off first?" "It's just..." "I'm sure she's gonna get other offers, and I don't want her not to like us just 'cause you made her stand out in the rain for an hour." "No, she's fine." " I'll see you later." "I love you." " I love you, too." "Be careful." "Did she buy it?" "Look, Monica, I'm sorry..." "No, I'm sorry, Dr. McNamara." "I have to stop doing this." "You've done it before?" "Just once, with a father I worked with in Akron." "That was after I worked for them for, like, two years, and his wife was a total bitch." "Not like your wife." "I've just been so lonely since I moved here, and I know it's silly, but I miss him." "And you kind of remind me of him." "I don't think it would be appropriate for you to work for us, Monica." "I understand." "Screw you, Monica." "Every time you get close to something perfect, you have to ruin everything." "Randall, the dad from Akron, he used to tell me I made love like an ugly girl," "grateful for whatever I could get." "I need to go." "Can you take me home now?" "What's the point, right?" "Lipstick on a pig." "That's what Randall used to say." "Why don't you let me do something for you?" "I thought we didn't have anything till 10:00." "I thought you were meeting with your trainer this morning." "She canceled." "Food poisoning." " Who's this?" " Family friend." "Deviated septum." "Poor girl can hardly breathe." "Nobody tells me anything." "I thought we didn't have surgery till 10:00." "Just a deviated septum." "Nothing I can't handle on my own." " Isn't that Monica Wilder?" " Who's Monica Wilder?" "She's the night nurse I referred to Sean and Julia." "I didn't know she had a deviated septum." "So you'll give your night nurse a nose job, but you won't give your partner some lunchtime lipo?" "She's not my night nurse." "We didn't hire her." "She didn't really have enough experience." "You porked her." "This girl can't breathe during allergy season." "Her needs are totally different from yours." "Mallet." "The only difference is that you deviated your dick into her, hypocrite." "She has a deviated septum." "Can I help?" "Yeah, sure." "Sure." "Thank you." "No problem." "I really appreciate all of the upgrades that you've made around here." "Well, I really appreciate appreciative employees." "It's so nice to have a woman in charge." "Well, the boys need to know that we can do a lot more than answer phones and make a good cup of coffee." "Thank you." "Michelle?" "I just want you to know that I was in the same boat as you when I got my memo." "I wasn't married, but I was living with a guy when I came out." "Came out?" "What are you talking about?" "Well, I saw you in the parking lot with your girlfriend." "She's just a friend." "She was fondling your breasts." "I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk, then I'm here for you." "Hey." "We paid over $1,000 for this thing and the instructions don't make any sense!" "I think someone has the new-daddy jitters." "It's just that with him coming and selling the business, it's a lot of change all at once." "Don't worry." "I can handle it." "Well, can you handle a little more?" "I just got off the phone with Monica Wilder." " What did she say?" " She's passing on the job." " Why?" " She's moving back to Akron." "She said she found everyone in Miami too image-conscious." "Hey, relax." "We'll find someone else." "Are you okay?" "Honey, is there something you want to talk to me about?" "No." "Why?" "It's just that you're my husband and I know that when you get upset, you know, you get effective." "You manage the stuff to manage your anxiety." "Now, this baby is coming home to two people who love each other, and that's all he's gonna need." " Jules." " Dr. Allamby said we should start having sex." "It induces labor." "Maybe we should wait." "Till we've found another nanny and the nursery's finished?" "Yeah, you're probably right." "I'll talk to Linda, have her suggest a few more candidates." " Okay." " I'll hold this, and if..." " Yeah." " Remember, you need the screw." "No, I've got the screw, but it's..." "I'm trying to screw it in there." "Two gastric bypasses, three surgeries to remove excess skin, now a pannus removal." "Maybe he should have just laid off the guacamole." "It's not that easy, Liz." "With the amount of high-calorie choices available to consumers these days and the enormous portions restaurants shove in your face, surgery is some people's only option." "Standing proud with your fat-ernity brother, Christian?" "You know, you can't hide behind those slimming scrubs anymore, super-chub." "I saw the tape." "I don't think it's appropriate to discuss your new jerk-off material over surgery." "Oh, I didn't masturbate to your sex tape, Christian." "I am not a chubby chaser." "Can you even find your weedy cooch under that massive gunt of yours?" "Listen..." "Michelle, will you stop contaminating the sterile environment?" "This will only take a minute." "I won't tolerate sexual harassment in my office." " Finally." " Liz, you're fired." "You can't fire Liz, Michelle." "This is my practice, Sean." "I won't stand for an employee feeling pressured sexually, and that includes me." "Since when is offering a kind ear to a coworker considered sexual harassment?" "You turned an innocent encounter I had with an old friend into a lurid sexual tryst." "I won't work in an environment where I have to worry that every contact I have with a woman encourages your sexual fantasies." "I am sorry if I offended you, and maybe I went too far." "But I know what I saw." " You saw what you wanted to see." " What is that supposed to mean?" "It means that not everyone is gay, Liz." "You can sing whatever song you want to in front of them, but I will not let your gay shame cost me my job." "You know, I thought having a woman run this place was gonna make a big difference, but with you, it's all espresso machines and fresh carpeting, Michelle." "I am still working for a dick!" "That's enough, Liz." "Let us handle this, all right?" "I am not too proud to litigate." "Why'd you do that, Sean?" "I was hoping for a good old-fashioned catfight." "This is serious, Christian." "Hey, I'm with Michelle." "Fire the bitch." "She's a man-hater." "Michelle, you're taking a trivial misunderstanding and twisting it into a substantial situation." "How would you feel if I started going around spreading rumors about you and Christian being lovers?" "That's entirely different." "Liz isn't inventing what she saw out of whole cloth." " You're saying you believe her?" " Look, it doesn't matter what I believe." "We all have lives outside of the office." "You're proving my point." "Once accusations start to fly, it doesn't matter if they're true or not." "Her lie is a threat to my authority and my marriage." "Michelle, you've earned the staff's respect." "They love you." "But they love Liz more." "If you fire her, you'll lose them." "She's on probation." "One more strike and she's out." "Great." "I gotta get to my training session." "Candy makes me do an extra couple of lunges for every minute I'm late." "This lunchtime lipo's fantastic." "It's the 21st century bulimia." "And it's 40% of my Wednesday schedule." "People eat Big Macs all week, then come in here to have them sucked off their hips in time for the weekend." " We can't all have your genes." " You don't want my genes, Christian." "In Sao Paulo they call my family as Gorduras." "That's Portuguese for "the Fats. "" "I can't even visit them anymore with their pao de queijo and pounds of pork they shovel into themselves." "It's like visiting a stable." "Lighten up, there, buddy." "They're not serial killers." "Oh, but they are." "They're slowly murdering themselves." "Being fat isn't a handicap you're born with, Christian." "It's a lifestyle choice." "You want to give me an eight-pack?" "Tilt that cannula at 45 degrees." "I want my come gutters to run deep." "I drive a Ferrari Diablo." "Want to know why?" "Nowhere for the backseat driver to sit." "You keep joking, junior." "Ten years from now, you'll be lying on my table," "I'll be sticking that thing into you." "Time is a bitch." "So how come your partner isn't doing this for you?" "I hear he's a hell of a surgeon." "Oh, we don't have time for any in-house freebies." "Besides, Sean's got a lot on his plate." "His wife's about to have a baby." "I understand if I make you uncomfortable." "Most couples have a hard time with a male nurse." "That was a joke." "Oh." "Yeah, I actually asked Nurse Linda to refer a couple of male candidates." "I thought it'd be nice to have a masculine influence around the house while I'm at work." "That's very forward-thinking of you, Dr. McNamara." "Most men get a little territorial about having another man in their home." "I see you have a degree in art restoration." "That's very unusual for a nurse." "Yeah, well, if I was half as good a painter as I am a nurse, that degree might be worth something." "I still paint, just more like a hobby." "And have you worked with handi-capable children before?" ""Handi-capable. "" "That's like calling me "height-challenged. "" "The worst thing you can do for your son is tiptoe around his condition." "I speak from personal experience." "Luckily, it looks like we're gonna be able to reconstruct his hands with a series of surgeries." "Can I ask why you've decided to operate before you've even met him?" "We feel it's his best chance to live a normal life." "Okay, but don't you think it's important to hold his hand before you change it?" "Well, thank you for coming by, Mr. Sawyer." "We'll let you know." "Do me a favor, Julia." "Native Americans believe that if you look a child in his eyes the moments after it's born, you can see his soul." "When they hand your son to you, can you do that for me?" "Sorry about that, Julia." "I had no idea." "It'll be all right." "We'll find someone." "You better do it soon." "My water just broke." "Christian, where are you?" "I paged you nine times." "The baby's breeched." "We're gonna have to do an emergency cesarean." "We're going to start, Doctor." "Get here." " Is our baby okay?" " Absolutely." "Late-term breeches occur about 4% of the time." "He'll be out in three minutes." "Ten-blade." "Make sure you're in the pubic crease." "Otherwise, she'll never be able to wear a bikini again." "I've done a few of these before, Doctor." "She's doing great." " It's okay." " No." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Okay, almost." "He's out." "Okay." "Hey." "What do you think, honey?" "Does he look like a Conor?" "He looks like you, Dad." " What is she doing?" " Diaper check." " Let me go!" " No." "Hey, no." "I'll go." "She'll get used to it." "Hi, Mr. Sawyer?" "It's Julia McNamara calling." "Yes, I had the baby, and we're fine, thank you." "Look, I was wondering if you'd still be interested in working for us." " Does he have a name?" " Conor." "Jesus, Sean, he's beautiful." "Look, I'm sorry, but it was just his birth." "Everybody has one." "Nobody remembers it." "Call me when the kid needs stitches or wants to learn how to tie a Windsor knot." "He didn't need you, I did." "I know." "I'm sorry." "I'll make it up to you." "What's wrong with you?" "Lipo." "How are his hands?" "English"