"Previously on "Weeds"..." ""whore"?" "Fucking pregnant again." "Some indian kidl mercy fucked for u-turn." "Ain't nothing to say,faggot,except "send money."" "I thought you were dating me." "I am." "I'm just something for you to rub up against." "Silas,don't do this." ""Thug" means neverhaving to say you're sorry." "Kids need to knowif there's danger." "What kind of danger?" "Big,scary menwith guns." "I've been doing some researchon the internet, and I really think pittsburghis the place for us." "That little thing'sa camera?" "I can broadcast the imageto any computer in the house." "Dumb name will know my wrath --the wrath of doug." "It's comin'." "Andy,meet chess." "You want to buy from me?" "Why don't you letmrs.Botwin know it's available if she's interested?" "Yeah,I'm bad." "Punish me." "You will start paying for the many sins against me." "I need to rentyour empty house." "We need a grow house." "Can you deal with that?" "Slut." "Weeds Season03 Episode13" "and where were you last night,young lady?" "Sinner." "Why is this cross in my house?" "Andy said I could put it here." "Andy?" "Let me ask you something." "You think our customers might be interested in some lovely outdoor-grown biker bammy?" "How did it get in here?" "Oh,it wasn't easy." "Let me say that right now." "And getting it out of here?" " I'm gonna say near-impossible on that one." " Make the impossible possible,doug." "Look,why don't I come back later,after you've had your coffee?" "Yeah,why don't you do that?" "I think it wouldn't be a terrible idea if we had an alternative source for weed." "Bikers?" "Motorcycle club." "They're great." "It's a family business,brother and sister." "You met a biker girl?" "No." "Yeah." "No." "She's not a girl." "She's a woman." "Of course she is." "Discussion over." "But this has nothing to do with her." "It's an opportunity." "Where were you all night?" "I was working." "You have a working mother,shane." "Them's the breaks." "What's wrong with offering another choice to our clients?" "They aren't looking for more choices." "People are too overwhelmed by choice." "They seek simplicity." "I'm not buying it." "This is a culture where you can order coffee 80 million ways,and people love it." "Chess just wants you to think about it." "Chess wants me to think about it?" "How does -- how does chess know what I do?" "Yeah." "That was kind of creepy." "He seemed to know a lot about you." "That's not good." "Right,shane." "Very observant." "That's not good." "Don't cock-block me on this,nance." "She's really hot." "See how many bricks he'll trade me for a giant cross." "How the hell did he get it in here?" "I believe it's a miracle." "I don't believe in miracles." "I believe in pittsburgh." "I swear I think the sky is bluer over here." "No graffiti,no drunks and junkies -- shoot." "I'll take it." "How long we staying?" "This is temporary,little girl." "And don't kid yourself." "There's plenty of drunks and junkies out here." "They just ain't on the corner 'cause they got air-conditioning." " Morning." " Morning." "Did you hear how high her voice got?" "She think we gonna jump her." "That's why we gonna be just fine." "How you figure?" "There's only one thing more powerful than white fear, and that's white guilt." "Now,they say,"good morning,"" "but what they're really saying is,"I'm not racist."" "Look at this one." "Hello there." "How are you?" "Good morning to you." "They gonna treat us like maya angelou and condoleezza rice." "So... how we doing here?" "Well,a lot of the plants that were ready for harvest didn't make it, and we're dealing with a lot less space here." "You are askingabout the crop,right?" "Yes." "I'm askingabout the crop." "I'm running low." "Well,I can'tfill you back up right now." "I'm thinking of opening upanother supply line." "With who?" "There's this biker chickthat andy wants to fuck and a guy named chess." "18-foot cross in my house." "I don't know." "Well,it's gonna be a little dryaround here for a while." "Then I'll do it." "Ooh,lord!" "I can smell this housefrom two fuckin' blocks away." "Smells like a skunk massacrehappening up in here." "What you gonna do?" "Well,how about thisfor a game plan?" "I grow inside,you and vaneeta grow outside -- rosemary,lavender." "Fine." "As soon as I makea little something to eat,I'll get to it." "You need a shower." "What,you don't wantto stay and help?" "I haven't gotthe green thumb." "She just gotthe white attitude." "Yeah." "That's all I'm saying,bill." "We substitutethe cheap drywall from china,it'll save us a ton." "hey,there.How you doing?" "I'm gonna have tocall you back." "you know,I hopefor nancy's sake that you used a condom." "God forbidyou should replicate." "God bless y'all." "My decorator." "We're doinga little remodeling." "I want to bepart of the team -- one of the cool kids." "What can I do?" "What can I do?" "What can I do?" "Ain't nothing for you to do but collect your rent every month." "Oh,sure." "Everyone getsto have fun except me." "Well,fuck that shit." "I am here to kick ass!" "Whose ass?" "Whoever gets in my way." "Come on." "Let me do something fun." "Come on." "Please." "I am on a real high here." "Do not bring me down." "Okay,gangsta barbie,I will figure something out." "You'll see." "I'm good,and I'm ready." "I will not disappoint you." "I'll be a great soldier." "I'm sure you will." "Hold this." "I'm helping daddy,aren't I?" "What took you so long?" "I texted youover two hours ago." "You're not my only customer,sully." "I really need to smoke out." "Oh,I'll bet." "What happened?" "It's just a signal thatit's time for me to move on." "Forward to my next shitty,prefab jesus town." "Hey." "You know I takethis jesus stuff seriously." "Sorry." "Shame you have to go." "You're oneof my best customers." "You could go with me." "No,thanks." "I'm happy here in my shitty,prefab jesus town." "Shame." "What can I do for you,pot mommy?" "My horny lieutenant tells me you may havesome product for me." "Low on the milf,huh?" "You seem to knowso much about me." "I know nothingabout you." "Doesn't seem fair." "You should have checked outmy facebook page." "Hey." "Want to play some "risk"?" "I'm in." " Andy" " What?" "Mommy's all businessI see." "Okay." "Let me show youwhat I got for you." ""Risk" is all aboutkamchatka." "It's your gatewayto the west." "Think you're telling mesomething I don't know?" "Your housewiveswill love it -- make them forget that theirhusbands won't fuck 'em." " How much?" " Five for a pound." "That's a fair price." "Yeah... for a full pound." "It might be a little short." "You're good." "I tell you what --10% discount." "Take the first oneon consignment." "Why would you go and dosomething like that?" "Because I can tell you'regonna be a loyal customer." "I'm all aboutloyal customers." "But,hey,you bring me backthat five grand real soon." "Um,10% off is,um,$4,500,right?" "Yeah." " Chess,is it?" " Yeah." "Is that short for chester?" "No." "It is." "He hates it." "See you soon,pot mommy." "See you soon,chester." "Hey,I challenge you to a game,one-on-one." "Winner takes all." "All of what?" "Winner takes all,nance." "Uncle andy?" "Silas?" "Mom?" "Mom?" "Mom?" "Mom?" "Back door... side..." "Hey." "Yeah,it's just a bugin the system." "This is sonot what I had in mind." "Conrad saidyou wanted to get dirty." "Now you're dirty." "Hand me some more of that sage,princess." "Make it smell italian out hereinstead of jamaican." "These handswent to college." "Majored in english lit." "These are not farm hands." "What?" "I'm part viking." "I miss my ice floe." "Look to melike hot flashes." " You taking estrogen?" " Can'T." "Cancer." " You?" " Shit." "I tried hrt,ert,and herbs." "Vodka and cigarettes --only thing that works for me." "Fuck this." "Let's light up." "Here you go." "Conrad expects us to finishthis planting today." "Fuck conrad." "He in the shade." "Yeah,but " "You got a boyfriend,heylia?" "Husband,lover?" "Is he a piece-of-shitlying asshole?" "I had my share of them,but I'm taking a break -- maybe a lifetime break." "I thinkI'm doomed to be alone." "Ain't no shame in it." "But I get lonely." "Buy yourself a dog." "I'm not goodwith animals." "Men and animals." "Men are animals." "Listen to both of you." "Two of the scariest bitcheson the planet." "It's no wondernothing with a dick wants to come within 100 yardsof either of you." "I don't see nothingthat has to stand up to pee in your life,neither, so shut the fuck up,vaneeta." "Yeah,shut the fuck up... vaneeta." ""And herod with his soldiers "treated him with contemptand mocked him."" "Then,arraying himin gorgeous apparel,he sent himback to pilate." "Oh,for god's sake,get to the punch line alreadybefore I die." "It's no joke,mr.Mertes." "It's the crucifixion story." "Luke 23." "You remember where we left offlast week?" "You read the bible to melast week?" "Yes." "I read it to you every week." "Okay." "This weed sucks." "We were low on milf,so we had to go to a new grower." "Well,it's ditchweed dreck." "Don't let it happen again." "I'm on borrowed time." "This is not quality." "I am so sorry,mr.Mertes." "Silas,make hergive me my money back." "This new weed sucks." "I know." "Nobody wants it." "I told mom." " We'll refund you,mr.Mertes." " Good." "Now I got to take a whiz." "If I'm not out in 10,do not resuscitate." "So you're talking to me?" "You missed me." "You pissed me off." "'Cause you like me." "Because I like you." "I like you,too." "I'm not goodat sharing." "Well,this you don'thave to share with anyone." "It's only for you." "A little help here!" "You should gohelp him." "In a minute." "Bad boy." " You love it." " I do." "Wait,hang on." "There's more." "This is inferior product." "Planning a big nighton the town,are we?" "Not with this shitI'm not." "You got to hook me upwith some better weed." "They wouldn't even buy thisat the manhole,and they smoke everything." "I'm sure they do." "I've gotunsatisfied customers." "My reputation is suspect." "That outfit is suspect." "Don't tryto change the subject." "We're out of milf." "Gonna be at least a weekbefore we have more." "Well,hurry up,okay?" "Clinique is puttingthe screws to me." "We're havinga sonogram tomorrow,and those thingsaren't cheap." "You think you're readyto be a father?" "Do I look likeI am ready to be a father?" "Terrific." "I'm always curiousabout my customer's choices." "Yeah." "I think this one chose me." "Care to elaborate." "It just reminds me that "thug" means neverhaving to say you're sorry." "Don't you mean "love"?" "Absolutely not." ""Love" meansyou're constantly apologizing." "Tell me about it." "I should get"I'm sorry,baby" tattooed on my ass." "Why don't you?" "I already got a giant eaglechained to a rock there." "Looking good." " Want to take a look?" " Yeah." "Came out nice." "Yeah." "You have somethingfor me?" "Thank you,pot mommy." "And here you go." "I don't think our businessarrangement's gonna work out." "And why's that?" "My customersdon't seem to like your product." "Wait." "My shit is good." "Oh,no." "Don't take it personally." "You grow merlot,they prefer cabernet." "Your customers sound gay." "Some of them are." "Most of themjust don't like your weed." "Here's for the poundyou loaned me on consignment." "Good faith." "I wish you luckin all future endeavors." "So,see you around." "Wear a helmet." "Follow safety laws." "Wait,wait,wait,wait." "I'm disappointed." "Are you absolutely surethat we can't do business,huh?" "I am." "That's a shame." "But just to show you thatthere's no hard feelings," "I'd like totake you to dinner,give you a chanceto get to know me." "I don't mix the businesswith the personal." "According to you,we're notdoing the business anymore." "We're not doingthe personal,either." "Tell you what --you think about it,you weight the prosand the cons, and I'll be in touch." "Touch yourself,chester." "I got to go." "Bye." "Girls got balls." "Yes,she does." "But who wants a chickwith fuckin' balls?" "Jesus,doug." ""Whore."" "Hello to you,too." "I've been doing a littlelight reading." "How the hell did that crossget in there?" "Don't knowhow the fuck." "Doug snuck it inon sanjay's shift,wired it,the whole thing." "Mangoes,apricots -- nice supermarketsy'all got." "Yes." "We blow a loudhorn of plenty out here." "That kind of day?" "Only kind I know." "What the fuck... oh,yeah." "Please tell me you havea thing for traffic signs." "I got a thingfor these figs." "They're delicious." "You fucked him?" "That's noneof your business." "Okay." "Get the fuck out of here." "What,you think you're the firstblack man I've been with?" "I'm not?" "And you know why they called him u-turn." " Now you're just obscene." " Come on." "I never slept with u-turn." "I just gave hima hand job." "Okay,so nowyou're fucking with me." "You think?" "Do I believe you?" "You'd better if you wantto get lucky tonight." "So why would youdo that?" "What,mess with youor get the tattoo?" "The fucking tattoo." "I thoughtit would make me stronger." "Question is... you got a thing for women whogot a thing for traffic signs?" "Motherfuckercaused us nothing but pain." "Motherfucker's dead." "We're alive." "That's true." "Now shut upand taste this." "What city has 720 bridgesand 15 in its downtown alone?" "I'm gonna guess..." " pittsburgh." " Correct." "And what city had the firstrobotics institute?" "Nance?" "Pittsburgh." "Carnegie mellon university." "Pittsburgh,pennsylvania." "Correct." " The first big mac sold?" " Pittsburgh." "The first world series?" "The first aluminum building?" " Silas?" " Wrong.Pittsburgh." "My god." "What happened to you?" "I was driving home." "Stopped at a light." "I stopped at a light." "*****I heard." "And what happened?" "Oh,look at you." "Three guys on motorcycles pulled meout of the car." "How many motorcyclesin pittsburgh?" "******They saidthey're coming after you." "They're coming afterall of us." "I don't know." "I need to look it up." "You need a doctor." "We're going to a doctor." "Jesus christ,shane!" "There are many safe andethnically diverse neighborhoods in pittsburgh,pennsylvania." "I'm glad you asked." "There's allentown,arlington,arlington heights," " banksville,beechview,bloomfield..." " shane,how do you turnthe alarm off?" " Greenfield,hays,hazelwood..." " shane!" "Lawrenceville,mount washington... hey,buddy!" "North shore,oakwood,ridgemont,south shore,spring hill,squirrel hill, st.Clair,summer hill,windgap." "I can also do them backwards." "Shane,who are you talking to?" "Dad." "Can too!" "Windgap,summer hill,st.Clair,squirrel hill,spring hill, south shore,ridgemont,oakwood,north shore,mount washington, lawrenceville,knoxville,highland park,hazelwood,hays,greenfield, brookline,bluff,bloomfield,beechview,banksville," "arlington heights,arlington,allentown." "Weeds Season03 Episode13"