"Next, we meet our own cafeteria lady." "The ever-cheerful Bertha Von Bulow." "Bertha, of course, the former nanny to the Gorbachev family, now prepares delectable Russian treats here at John Adams High." "Her specialty?" "Red Square Jell-O." "(Shawn) Hey, girls." "Want to be in pictures?" "(Cory) Shawn, we're slicing Jell-O here." "Mm-mm." "Freedom never tasted so good." "Hunter." "Matthews." "Wake up." "We gotta watch your report, you gotta watch it." "But it stinks." "Maybe Mr. Williams doesn't know it stinks." "Oh, he knows." "Well, I for one think the students have a right to know how their food is prepared." "Cory did an excellent report." " You two are an item, right?" " Uh-huh." "Matthews, you got yourself a good woman." "But the assignment was to find me a news story." "Now, how is Jell-O news?" "When it's used for evil." "People, in my years as a news producer I learned two things, right?" "You gotta tell the truth, and make it interesting." "You gotta find a grabber." "Now, you two keep that in mind as you redo your assignment." "Redo?" "Oh, come on, Mr. Williams." "Everybody knows media arts is supposed to be an easy A." " Maybe he doesn't know that." " Oh, he knows." "People, we go on the air in four days." "There's no reason why we can't have a great broadcast." "Mr. Williams, it's just public access." "I mean, we're on after the origami lady." "Actually, she's amazing." "She can fold up her body and make herself into a ship." "Ain't nothing wrong with that." "(doorbell)" " Cory, come on." "You're late." " For what?" " Put the camera over here." " What's going on?" "It's perfect." "Exactly what Mr. Williams asked for." "Across the street." "Third floor, second window on the right." "Well, what is it?" "A robbery?" "A sniper?" "A hostage situation?" "What?" " It's better." " Shawn, unless there's something like..." "I don't know, a woman dancing in a towel, I don't see how..." "Shawn, there's a woman dancing in a towel." "She does this every day at 5:30." "I mean, you could set your watch by her." "Why would you do that?" "Cory, it's just an expression." "Yeah, but why wouldn't you just call that number that gives the time?" "I mean, sure, it's 35 cents, but it's based on the atomic clock..." "Cory, there's a woman dancing in a towel." "You bet there is, baby." "5:30, huh?" "Boy, my watch must be slow." "Guys, get away from the window." "A camera?" "What are you doing?" "Homework." " We're shooting a news report." " For Mr. Williams' class." "Oh, and you're calling this news?" "We think she's up to no good." "Guys, put the camera down." "Why?" "Because I would like to think that you'd have the maturity and the restraint to not..." " Oh, boy, the towel fell down." " Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh, my God!" "Guys, guys!" "Knock it off." "Exploiting someone's body is not news." "Come on, sit down." "Sit down." "We'll watch the 5:30 report, you'll see what real journalism is all about." "(man on TV) Up next, a very special report." "Breast enlargements." "Is bigger better?" "Leonard, don't hold back." "A nervous stomach ain't nothing to be ashamed of." "Janitor Bud." "You must never embarrass a student like that." "Are you kidding?" "Me and Leonard?" "We're tight." "Hey, kid!" "I still enjoy the chase." "All right, George." "What gives with all the beautiful women outside your office?" "Oh, the secretarial prospects?" "Yes, I'm interviewing today." "What happened to Mrs. Woolly?" "She's moving to Florida to be closer to her grandchildren." "The little one, Monty, turns 50 this month." "So have we decided on a going-away gift yet?" "Well, a couple of us chipped in and bought her an oxygen tank." " Come on, George." "That's not even funny." " Oh, stop it, man." "The woman's a certified scuba diver." "There's gotta be another story out there, Shawn." "Like what?" "We've tried Jell-O, we tried dancing women." " There's nothing else out there." " There's lots of stuff." "Crime." "Scandal." "Hey, you know, we could do a story on my uncle Vic." "The one that was set up?" " Nah, it wouldn't work." " Why?" "There's a pretty good chance he'd kill us." "All right, then." "All right, we'll find a scandal of our own." "Where?" "Here at John Adams?" "There's no scandal here." "Tires." "Tires?" "Stolen tires?" "We follow Joey, we find a story." "You don't need tires, how about some tube socks?" "Huh, guys?" "Everybody needs tube socks." " Oh, it's true." "It's true." " What's true?" "I heard there's some science lady looking for students to be part of a research study?" "That's right." "I'm doing my thesis on psychoneurology." "So you're interested in the field of dream research?" "Heck, no." "But I loved your flier." ""Earn cash while you sleep."" "Hi." "Eric Matthews, amateur sleeper, ready to turn pro." "Monique Larson." "Why don't you come in and I'll explain what we're doing?" "Uh, what's to know?" "Eyes shut, get cash, buy records." "So, this is my little makeshift laboratory." "And this machine will measure and record your brainwave and rapid eye movements while you sleep." "I got a job." "OK, settle down, people." "We're on the air live in 55 seconds." "This is so exciting." " Topanga, how's my anchor doing?" " Katie Couric." "Katie Couric." "Katie Couric." "Oh, you go, girl." " Hey, Topanga." "Are you sweating?" " I don't sweat." "I glisten." " Yeah." "Well, you're glistening like a pig." " Thanks." "OK, 30 seconds." "The origami lady's finishing up." "Unbelievable." "She looks just like the Queen Mary." "Right down to the deckchairs." "Ain't nothing wrong with that." "Well, Mr. Williams." "Your project has really come together." " What can I look forward to?" " Oh, a lot of good stuff, George." "A little news, a little sports." "A profile on Janitor Bud." "Our Janitor Bud?" " He's not doing his magic tricks, is he?" " Well, I'm not sure." "You know, Matthews is in editing, finishing up the piece right now." "You're airing student reports you haven't seen?" "George, these are good kids." "They haven't let me down yet." "Mr. Williams, this is high school." "Join us." "(ship's horn)" "They're putting her in the water." "She's sailing away." "It's showtime." " In five, four..." " Mr. Williams, Mr. Williams, I can't do this." " ...three, two" " You don't understand, there's no way..." "Hello, Philadelphia." "This is Topanga Lawrence with the John Adams report." "Today's top stories: campus police baffled by stolen tube-sock ring." "Thank you, Bob." "And once again, Bob's book," "Skid Marks:" "Confessions of a Crossing Guard is available in the school store." "And we'll be right back." "Topanga is doing very well." "She has a natural poise." "Leonard, a thought on the cue cards." "They're facing you!" "And Hunter, where's Cory with the last story?" "Mr. Williams, I can't work like this." "Everybody out of my way, I'm making TV." "OK, we're back." "In three, two..." "And finally, a report filed by Cory Matthews on..." "Janitor Bud?" "Why?" "(Shawn) It's out." " Spinach." " (Shawn) Cory, I'm rolling." "All right." "Remind me to edit this out, huh?" "We're here in the hallways of John Adams High, where all of us are trapped." "Trapped like... deer." "(Shawn) Deer?" "Trapped deer." "All of us." "Until 3:30." "Or are some less trapped than others?" "Right." "(laughs)" "(Cory hums dramatic tune) Bom bom bomm!" "I'd be laughing too if I were skipping out at 2:55." "End of story?" "No." "We know that Janitor Bud leaves at 2:55, yet he gets paid until 5 o'clock." "Scandal?" "Oh, yeah." "(Cory) Bom bom bomm!" "Mr. Lincoln, meet Mr. Pocket." "(laughs)" "(Cory) And there you have it." "Janitor Bud, the man who's mopped his way into our hearts, willing to risk his spotless reputation for a few measly hours a week." "Where are our heroes?" "I do not know." "But I do know... this is the loneliest mop I've ever seen." "Wow." "Well..." "This is Topanga Lawrence, and good day, and, uh..." "Don't eat veal." "And we're clear." "Huh?" "Huh, Mr. Williams?" "Just what you asked for." " News that grabs." " Very effective report." "Well, it was tough at first, but once we found our angle we had a great time." " Sure did some digging." " So, Mom, Dad, how proud are you?" "Your son, the investigative reporter." "Uh, Alan?" "Um, well..." "Cory, was this all true?" "Well, you saw it." ""Not a dramatization." "Not a dramatization."" " Well, that's very unfortunate." " Why's that?" "Because now I have the unpleasant task of firing Janitor Bud." "Maureen, hi." "I don't get it." "We finally do well in a class project, and people start acting all weird on us." "I mean, what's the big deal?" "The big deal is nobody wants Janitor Bud fired." "Oh, he's not gonna get fired." "He's been in Feeny's office for over an hour." "Look, say what you want about Feeny." " OK." "I think he's one of the biggest..." " Not now." "I'm telling you, Feeny's a fair man." "Trust me." "He'll give Janitor Bud a second chance." " What?" "No second chance?" " I wish there were some other way." "Oh, come on." "There's history between us, Georgie." "You and me, we're like brothers." "No, we're not." "Bud, you were caught on tape." "But in two months I retire." "Full pension." "I'm sorry." "OK." "I didn't want to use this, Feeny." " But what about that time I saved your life?" " Saved my life?" "You were walking down the hall when I noticed a patch of waxy buildup on the floor." "You were maybe two, three steps away." "There was no time to clean." "I had no choice but to throw myself onto the wax." "I thought you were napping." "Well, once I was down there..." "Bud, I want to thank you for your devoted service." "Oh, come on, George." "Ammonia's in my blood." "No, really." "It is." "Oh, Bud, don't do this to yourself." "But it's all I know." "Godspeed, Bud." "I can't believe Bud was fired because of our report." "No, Shawn." "We have nothing to feel bad about, OK?" "We told the truth." "If anyone should feel bad, Bud should." "I mean, he was the one goofing off." "Goofing off, huh?" "You trying to tell me that leaving early for no apparent reason is goofing off?" "Yeah." "Maybe you didn't get the whole story, Mr. "Didn't get the whole story."" "Did you bother to find out where our saintly Janitor B was going every day at 2:55?" " No." " Uh-oh." "So before you go pontificating from your tokus, let me set you straight." "Every day, that sweet Bud of a man takes a few dollars that he has left, and he visits a place where there are others even less fortunate than him." " Oh." "Oh, my stomach is bubbling." " Good." "Your stomach should bubble." "Because that lovely man that you got canned, he's a giver." "And do you know where he gives, Matthews?" "Oh, I don't want to know." "The track, Matthews." "Playing the ponies." "The joy of gambling was all he had left." "So next time you go sticking your nose someplace where it don't belong, you remember this." "You suck." "Wow." "Poor Bud." "Poor Bud?" ""Saint Bud" skips work so he can bless the ponies." "Yeah, but now he's got no income what's he gonna gamble with?" "Oh, he'll land on his feet." "I mean, he's a capable, talented janitor." " Yeah, I guess you're right." " Of course I am." "It's just weird to think that Bud's been through those doors for the last time." "And one more thing." "I know it was you two." "I put the janitor's curse upon you." "Eric?" "Eric, wake up." "Gimme five more minutes, Mommy." " Eric." " Yeah?" "Oh." "Oh, Monique." "Where's my money?" "You didn't pay me while I was asleep, did you?" "Eric, I have to ask you a few questions." "Questions?" "Hey, wait, whoa." "That wasn't part of the deal." "Is this some kind of scam, Miss..." "Staff?" "You'll get paid." "I just have to know, do you remember any of your dreams?" "Mmm..." "No." "Do you remember any of your dreams from the past few months?" "Years, even?" "How am I supposed to remember 'em?" "I was asleep." " It's the oddest thing." " What is?" "Well, while you were asleep, you had this serene look on your face." "Almost goofy." "Thank you." "But you registered absolutely no brain activity." " It's remarkable." " Well, I've been sleeping since I was five." "If you don't mind, I'd love to run additional tests on you." "Whoa, whoa, hold on there." "Not so fast." "You want Mr. Remarkable, it's gonna cost you." " What you're paying me today?" " Mm-hm?" "I want half." "And then double it." " You got it." " All right." "Boy." "Even Bertha hates us over this whole janitor thing." "Well, I'd say the word "hate" is a little strong." "Read your bun." ""I hate you."" "Shawn, I'm a reporter, OK?" "And it's my job to get the story, no matter what the consequences." "You OK?" " Janitor's curse, man." " Shawn, don't let it get to you, OK?" "There's no such thing." "All right?" "Now, let's just relax, sit down, and enjoy our lunch." "Hey there." "Mind if we sit here?" "Ah." "Taken." "Boy." "That's the last table." "Let's get out of here." "No." "No, I'm not gonna be intimidated." "It's gonna take someone a lot bigger than that to push Cory Matthews around." "Shawn, I think we have a winner." "Come on, let's go." "Man, Matthews is really taking a beating." "Yeah, but he had it coming, don't you think?" "I mean, the kid's story cost Janitor Bud his job." "Yeah, but the whole school's on the little guy's case now." " That was the assignment, wasn't it?" " Uh, yeah." "Told him to go out and get a hot news story, right?" "Matthews did." " That's the news business." " Yeah, but this isn't the news business." "This is school." "These are kids." "Exactly." "And when I was doing it, it seemed so right." "Part of me still thinks it was, but everyone at school's treating me like a jerk." "What do you guys think?" "Was I right or wrong?" " Well, I think it's obvious." "You were right." " You were wrong." "Amy, darling, what do you mean?" "I mean, Bud was caught red-handed skipping off to the track." "Oh, Alan, the poor old man was two months away from his pension." "He was a trifecta away from Tahiti." "Honey, the school was his life." "Yeah, until 2:55." "Is it just me, or am I getting mixed signals from you guys?" " Uh, Cory, this isn't about you." " Alan, you're being a..." " Mom, Dad, I got great news." " What?" "What?" "A letter from the University of Pennsylvania." " You were accepted?" " Better." "They want to study me." "Yeah!" "Cory, everybody's giving you such a hard time." "I hope they stop." "Topanga, come on." "I mean, people have short memories." "I mean..." "Oh, like this has never happened to you." "(bell)" "I'll see you later." "Man." "That's a big old fish." " You think?" " Listen, Matthews." "I want to talk to you." " Yeah, well, you're the only one." " Let's take a walk." "And leave the fish." " So how's life?" " I don't know." "Big fish in my locker." "You tell me." "You don't deserve all this grief you're getting over this Janitor Bud thing." "I know." "I was just a reporter, doing my job." "Right?" "You don't have a job." "You're a kid in school." "That's where I messed up." "You see, I'm supposed to teach you about the news business, and not put you in it." "Wait, wait." "Now I'm really confused." "Was I right or wrong?" "Well, what do you think about your report?" "I was proud of it." "I had a great time doing it." "Yeah." "And how do you feel about what happened to Bud?" "Well, I feel bad for him." "I mean, I didn't mean for him to lose his job." "Welcome to the news business." "It's a tough game when you care." "So I was wrong when I did my story?" " No, I didn't say that." " So I was right?" "No, I didn't say that either." "There isn't always a clear right or wrong." "But I'm a kid." "I want it both ways." "Got a secret for you." "We adults do too." "When you get a chance, I'd like another cup of coffee." "Hello?" "Hello?" " George." "Got a minute?" " Mr. Williams." "Oh, and Mr. Matthews." "It's a party." "You let me handle this." "Now, regarding this Janitor Bud situation." "Well, far be it from me to imply that you've said or done anything that's at all inappropriate..." "Oh, just give the old gambler his job back." "Smooth, Matthews." "Gentlemen, save your breath." "The matter's closed." "Look, man, this is my fault." "I should have screened the tapes before I put them on the air." "But they did go on the air to the entire school board." "I had no choice." "I did what I had to do." "Come on, man." "Two more months with the school, he can retire with a full pension." "Mr. Feeny, how can you do this to a man who saved your life?" "Oh, for the love of God, I saw that wax." "You know, Mr. Feeny, I always thought that deep down you had a heart of gold." "But, I mean, now I see the truth." "I see that..." "Here's your stinking coffee." "...that Janitor Bud's your secretary." "And by the way, Feeny, go easy on that buzzer." "It ain't a toy, you know." "Two months, huh?" "Coasters, Feeny." "Coasters." "Blast my heart of gold." "Ladies, gentlemen, I'd like to thank you for flying in from all over the world." "As you can see, today's results are consistent with my previous research." "Fast asleep, and no brain activity whatsoever." "I know what you're thinking, Professor." "No, he's not dead." "Eric." "Eric." "What's up, Docs?" "Ah." "So, Monique, how'd I do this time?" "Wait, let me guess." "Remarkable." "Eric, you truly are the most content individual, without a care or worry in the world." "You are one of a kind." "Excellent." "So how'd the little mouse do?" "This common field mouse has fears, hopes, dreams, goals." "Poor little guy."