"No, no, no." "No comment at all." "And you will probably be invited... to the captain's table before the cruise is..." "Excuse me, Captain?" "Captain." "I'm the purser, sir." "Preston Watkins." "Are you, uh, making the cruise with us, Mr..." "Columbo." "Yes, I am." "I heard the horn." "I can't find my wife." "I think she's aboard." "She's about this tall, she's got black hair... and then wearing it up today, it's like in a bun." "We have got 500 passengers embarking, sir." "Yeah, I can see it's a big boat." "Ship." "Ship, yeah." "What seems to be the problem, then, Watkins?" "Mr. Columbo here has lost his wife, sir." "Oh, now, I'm Capt. Gibbon." "Welcome aboard The Sea Palace." "Well, thank you, sir." "I was describing my wife to the purser here..." "Mrs. Columbo, sir." "Yes, I would have thought so." "Uh, look, I never forget a name... and I do remember welcoming your wife... and I'm sure that she'll be in your cabin or on the Observation Deck." "Oh, as long as she's aboard then my problems are over." "Uh, sorry that I've bothered you." "Right." "No, that's quite all right, Mr. Columbo." "Actually, it's Lt. Columbo." "Navy man?" "No, sir." "Just the LAPD." "Oh, tell me, Lieutenant." "Do you expect inclement weather in the Mexican waters?" "No, they tell me the weather down there's great... this time of the year." "Thank you, again." "Oh, Mr. Danziger, it's very nice to have you aboard again." "Captain, I'd like you to meet my wife, Sylvia." "Oh, it's a pleasure." "And I've arranged the Grosvenor Suite for you." "I hope you'll find it accommodating." "I'm sure we will." "Good." "Are all my guests aboard?" "104 gentlemen and their ladies." "I've detailed some of my junior officers to look after them." "Good." "They're all auto dealers... and they don't know much about ships... so I'd like them to have a first-rate, topnotch time." "Champagne awaits all your guests in their cabins." "That's very thoughtful of you, Captain." "Thank you." "Have an enjoyable trip." "I expect to." "Sylvia." "You know where my golf gloves are?" "No, I haven't seen 'em." "Oh, I guess Johnson forgot to pack them." "I told you I have a match on Tuesday with those dealers from Bakersfield." "You don't have to be so peevish about it." "You know, civilization has come to Acapulco." "You can pick up a pair there." "Darling, I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to be cross." "Sometimes you are like a spoiled little boy." "And you love it, don't you?" "I love you." "Where are you?" "What do you mean, where am I?" "I was in C-53." "There was a fella in there who was doing sitting-up exercises." "What do you mean, "What deck am I on?" I'm on the right deck." "I mean, I was on the right deck." "It's a wonderful ship, isn't it?" "Listen, how the hell do I find you?" "I've been all over the boat." "No, I can't get it straight." ""C" is what, the "C" deck?" "Or is that Capri or..." "Is the two different, or the same, what is it?" "Steer 2-6-8." "Steer 2-6-8." "Full ahead." "Full ahead, sir." "Good morning, Watkins." "Everything all right, sir?" "Uh, no, there's a problem." "There's only one key in my room." "Should be two on your desk, sir." "Well, the steward must have made a mistake." "That's no real problem." "I see you have all Ving locks." "Yes, that's because the ship was built in Norway, sir." "Oh, I see." "Thank you." "For purposes of the drill only... a fire has broken out in the fo'c'sle paint room." "You have two minutes to reach your stations." "Excuse me, sir." "My station." "Mmm-hmm." "Excuse me, sir, maybe you can help me." "Actually, it's a little embarrassing." "My wife, this is hard to believe... but the cruise just started, so she's starved already." "But they reserved us for the second sitting at lunch which is... well over an hour from now and I thought, well, maybe they had room service." "Do you know anything about that?" "Well, you go back to your cabin... and push the red button for the steward." "Oh, you know what I thought that was for?" "I thought that was for messages, you know, like in a hotel." "You see, I've never been on a boat before." "My wife won this trip." "It was a raffle for the Holy Name Society." "So, I'm getting the whole thing for nothing." "I figured, oh, maybe $50, $75 for gratuities..." "Push the red button." "Well, thank you, sir, thank you very much." "Lloyd, will you cut it out?" "I can't take eight days of looking at that face." "Yeah." "She'll be here." "Okay?" "Who?" "Rosanna." "I saw her 20 minutes ago in the arcade." "You know, it's none of my business..." "No, probably not." "She'll hang you out to dry." "Artie, I don't tell you how to lead the band, do I?" "Do I?" "Excuse me, folks." "She'll tear him apart." "Hey, I've been a little worried about you." "Oh?" "Yeah." "I mean, after we finished that gig in Vegas..." "What happened?" "You just disappeared." "Had somewhere to go." "Yeah, I know." "The way we left it..." "I figured we were gonna go to Tahoe for a couple of days... just the two of us." "That was your idea." "Well, you give me the ideas." "But you didn't say no." "Lloyd, you're a nice guy, okay?" "Okay." "Just let it be." "We had a nice time, had fun... no big deal." "Just leave it alone, huh?" "I don't wanna leave it alone, babe." "Will you get off my back?" "How do I have to tell you?" "It's over and it's through." "I don't want you around me anymore." "Now is that clear enough?" "All right, great." "I'll get off your back, if that's what you want!" "I'll do anything for you, as a matter of fact." "If you happen to fall overboard, I'll throw you an anchor!" "What are you doing here?" "Well, I thought you'd be pleased to see me." "I suppose your wife knows you're here?" "No?" "Should I call her and invite her down." "Please do." "We could have a little chat, the three of us." "This time, identify yourself." "She's been getting these mysterious phone calls... ever since our last weekend in Las Vegas." "Has she?" "You're sticking it to the wrong guy." "I've spent 20 years building up my business... and no smart little broad from Pittsburgh is gonna take it away from me." "This one is." "And you're hurting me." "Where's the money, Hayden?" "You'll get it before we dock in Mazatlàn." "After I'm sure you haven't told anyone about us." "Trust me." "That was my first mistake." "Oh, use your head." "If anybody else knew I wouldn't have anything to sell, now, would I?" "Hayden, how about a drink?" "These margaritas are muy bueno." "Too early in the day." "You having a good time?" "Fantastic." "I may never go back to El Centro." "Help me, please!" "Give me a hand." "What happened?" "Is he all right?" "Get a doctor." "Pull him out!" "Get the doctor, quick." "Hurry." "How am I?" "Your pressure's a wee bit high... and the heartbeat's a little choppy." "It's likely you suffered a slight heart attack, sir." "Heart attack?" "Are you crazy?" "Melissa, prepare a bed for Mr. Danziger." "No." "No, it's just a precaution, you understand, sir." "Listen, I've got a lot of guests..." "It's all right, just take it easy, sir." "That's right, just lie there." "That's fine, sir, that's fine." "Feels like I've been kicked by a mule." "I want you to check Mr. Danziger's pulse and blood pressure... every 30 minutes." "And give him another tranquilizer at 11:00." "Yes, Doctor." "Thank you." "Am I the only patient here?" "Mmm-hmm." "We usually don't have anyone until the return." "That's when some of the passengers suffer Montezuma's revenge." "If you need me, just press the buzzer." "I'm across the corridor." "Mr. Danziger?" "It's time to take your pill." "Feeling better?" "A little." "It's scary." "Think I'll live?" "Yes, I think you'll live." "Your life signs are all very normal." "I hope I'll feel better in the morning." "I'll be back at 11:30 for another check, okay?" "Volare" "Oh oh" "Cantare" "Oh oh oh oh" "Let's fly way up to the clouds" "Volare" "Oh oh" "Cantare" "Oh oh oh oh" "Volare" "Oh oh" "Cantare" "Oh oh oh oh" "Let's fly away to the clouds" "Away from the maddening crowds" "No wonder my happy heart sings" "Your love has given me wings" "Volare with me" "Well, thank you, ladies and gentlemen... a wonderful artist and a beautiful lady." "Let's really hear it for Rosanna Wells." "Ladies and gentlemen, while you're in the mood... for applause like that... what about our wonderful orchestra right here on the stage?" "The Artie Podell Combo." "We'd like to remind you that you can catch us... upstairs in the Starlight Lounge... after a 20-minute intermission." "And now I would like to introduce Capt. Gibbon... who has a few words to say and a few prizes to give away." "Thank you." "Rosanna." "I have to change, Lloyd." "Yeah, I know, so do I." "For the last time, will you leave me alone?" "I just want to apologize." "Where's Rosanna?" "Where's Rosanna?" "All right, 221." "221." "Rosanna?" "Mr. Danziger?" "How are you feeling?" "I'm a little drowsy." "I'm sorry." "Oh, not again." "Yes, again." "I was just dozing off." "Lt. Columbo, the captain would like to see you right away." "The captain?" "See me?" "Well, it's not about my wife, is it?" "I mean..." "She likes to have a good time, sometimes she gets carried away." "It's not about your wife, sir." "Give me a moment." "This is terrible." "Isn't that the singer?" "Lt. Columbo, this is Frank Pierce, the ship's doctor... and Mr. Podell, one of our musicians." "She hadn't returned to the bandstand after the intermission." "So, Mr. Podell came looking for her." "When was that?" "15, 20 minutes ago." "Body's still warm." "She left the bandstand about 11:15." "Someone must have followed her to the cabin." "Well, the room should be sealed." "Nothing should be touched." "Well, that's all very fine, Lieutenant, but we're nowhere near a port." "We can't just leave the body here." "That's right, we are at sea." "I'd forgotten." "The problem, sir, is we have a murder on our hands." "We have no lab technicians, we have no print men." "Um, Doctor, do you have paraffin?" "I'm afraid not." "No." "Diacetylene?" "No, sir." "No, huh?" "Well, maybe we ought to have at least a photo of the body before it's removed." "One of the photographers that I see around the boat snapping pictures..." "It's a ship, Lieutenant." "And I'd prefer we keep this as confidential as possible." "After all, the passengers are on holiday." "Yes, sir, I understand your concern... but we have to have photographs." "I could always get Forbes, sir." "He's a very discreet chap." "Do that, will you?" "Forbes." "Excuse me." "False alarm." "I thought you detectives were hardened to all this sort of thing." "No, it's not that, sir, I'm all right." "It's just, uh..." "I'll be fine." "Captain, it is all right if I get back to my group?" "Is that all right, Lieutenant?" "Yes, that's all right." "One thing, excuse me." "Your musicians, they were all on a break when this thing happened?" "We always break just after 11:00." "But you can't suspect one of my band." "No, sir." "Um..." "It would just seem that whoever did this might know the ship's routine... when the band breaks." "I presume you'll say nothing about this for the moment, Mr. Podell?" "Of course, sir." "Did you notice the lipstick?" "The lipstick?" "Oh, yes, I saw the lipstick." "Looks like the letter "L."" "Well, what do you know?" "Burglary sure wasn't the motive." "Doctor, where is the hospital?" "The Riviera Deck." "You sure you're feeling all right, Lieutenant?" "No, sir, I can't say that I am." "I think I'll take your purser's advice and drop by the hospital." "Yes, please go ahead." "The nurse will take care of you." "Thank you." "Use the lift." "Might be easier." "No, sir, I think I'll walk." "An elevator's another one of my problems." "Yes, may I help you?" "I hope so, ma'am." "I'm feeling a little rubbery." "The purser said you'd have something." "Ah, yes, come in this way." "Just have a seat." "The same thing happened to me last year." "My wife and I, we checked into this motel with a waterbed." "I thought I was gonna die." "Here, drink this." "Go ahead, drink it." "All the way, don't sip it." "What is that stuff?" "Just rest and relax for a minute." "Don't worry, I couldn't move if I had to." "Okay, these are Dramamine." "Wait for half an hour, take one." "And then one every 24 hours, okay?" "Do you stay here all the time?" "I mean, when you're on duty." "Well, Dr. Pierce and I are on 24-hour call." "But, of course, there's always one of us here at all times for the patient in sick bay." "Oh, there's a patient in there now?" "Mmm-hmm." "It's the gentleman that suffered the heart attack in the pool today." "Ah, yes, I heard about that." "Melissa?" "Melissa, would you come here, please?" "Quickly." "Oh, I beg your pardon." "I didn't realize anybody was in here." "Who are you?" "What's going on out there?" "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to disturb you." "Lt. Columbo, LAPD." "I think we met this afternoon." "They got a police officer on board a ship?" "Oh, no, sir, I'm just here on a vacation." "You see, my wife, she's got this incredible luck." "I think I told you." "She won the whole trip on a raffle..." "Lieutenant, please." "Mr. Danziger is a sick man." "Terribly sorry." "I hope you're feeling better, sir." "That's a heart patient in there, Lieutenant." "Yes, the nurse mentioned it." "I'm sorry, I didn't realize." "Melissa, I want you to check Mr. Danziger's pulse and pressure one more time, and then see if we can get him back to sleep, will you?" "Yes." "There's the bullet, Lieutenant." "Oh, very good." "Looks like a. 38 caliber." "Say, you wouldn't have a magnifying glass, would you?" "No, I'm afraid not." "Perhaps the captain has one." "Getting shot right through the heart the way she did... would you say that her death was instantaneous?" "Yes, I would say so." "That's what I would have said." "No bruises on the body?" "No bruises." "What's puzzling you, Lieutenant?" "Well, that lipstick, you know, that she wrote the "L" with?" "If her death were instantaneous..." "If she had it in her hand... maybe a second or two." "Otherwise, how did it get there?" "That's a very good point, Doctor." "So I guess we should be looking for someone... with the initial "L" who knew the girl." "I've talked to my home office." "I'm doing the right thing, keeping it quiet." "The passengers do come first, naturally." "Quite so, sir." "At least until we reach Mazatlàn... the day after tomorrow." "Sir, I'm just a passenger here and I don't want to be out of line... but we've got a murderer aboard... and the ship ought to be searched immediately." "We can't search all the guests to see if they have a gun." "I was thinking more of the crew, sir." "You know, members of the band." "Someone who would know the girl... and who would know that she would be in her cabin during the break." "That's very interesting, Lieutenant." "Apparently, there is a chap in the band she's had a row with." "Name of Harrington." "First name is Lloyd." "Lloyd?" "That's crazy." "He's a nice guy." "He was just out of his league." "Your intermission from 11:10 to 11:30... is that something you do every night?" "Yes, every night." "And what is that, some kind of a coffee break?" "No, with our cabins down on the Capri Deck... it takes us that long to get down there... make the change and get back up here on time." "And there hasn't been a break since the one at 11:10?" "Not yet." "And everyone came back on time?" "Changed and everything?" "All except Rosanna." "We'll want to talk to Harrington." "Sure, just as soon as the number's over." "But you're wasting your time." "I have a search squad looking about, discreetly." "Very good, sir." "I noticed when I went to the hospital before that the door was locked." "Is it always that way?" "Of course." "There are a lot of drugs about." "They open from the inside, then swing shut and lock." "You seem to be feeling a bit better, Lieutenant." "Oh, I don't know what that stuff is, but it sure is terrific." "Ah, Harrington." "This is Lt. Columbo of the Los Angeles Police Department." "We'd like to talk to you, privately." "Oh, what about?" "A Miss Rosanna Wells." "What about her?" "Do you know where she is?" "Well, she was late for the..." "In fact, she missed the set." "Artie went down and knocked on her cabin door, and there was no answer and..." "I'm a bit puzzled, actually." "Is there something wrong?" "I'm sorry, sir." "She's dead." "She's..." "She's dead?" "I think we better discuss this in your cabin." "I must tell you straight off, Mr. Harrington... there is reason to suspect that you may be involved." "I didn't kill her!" "You did have an argument with Miss Wells." "Yes, but, so what?" "No good." "I can't find any deposits on his hands." "Deposits?" "Powder burns, sir." "If he had fired a gun only an hour or so ago... there'd be some residue, right here." "Unless he wore gloves." "Do you mind if we search your cabin?" "Lieutenant, on the high seas we don't ask." "I order." "My first officer will be here shortly to supervise the search." "What do you mean, search my cabin?" "What do you expect to find?" "I don't even own a pair of gloves." "Now, if I could speak to you alone..." "Wait a minute!" "Try to relax, sir." "It's just a routine procedure." "Lieutenant, I don't want to presume to tell you what to do... but I think that I must confine Mr. Harrington... to his quarters and hold him for the Mexican police." "Well, sir, we really don't have any evidence... you know, just hearsay about an argument... and no powder marks on his hands." "This is a very good magnifying glass you have here." "But you said yourself, if he wore gloves... there wouldn't be any powder marks." "Yes, sir." "If he had planned it, he would have worn gloves... and it's beginning to look very planned." "Very much so." "I'll see how the search squad is doing." "Meanwhile, unless we can clear Mr. Harrington positively..." "I must insist that he be confined to quarters." "Yes, sir." "Just one more thing, sir." "That is Miss Wells' cabin there, is it?" "Yes." "With the guard on it." "I'll see that he keeps an eye on this cabin as well." "Very good, sir." "You keep an eye on 35." "Yes, sir." "And for all you skeptics in the audience... this is a real snub-nosed. 38." "Now, I'm gonna have my assistant, Stella, fire this magical bullet completely through." "Putting a hole through a number of cards of this deck... and breaking this glass behind me." "Stella?" "If you would, please." "Hold my deck of cards." "If you will stand right over here." "If you will kneel down." "Are you ready, my dear?" "Ready." "One... two... three." "Would you believe?" "Right through the middle of the card." "It took me eight minutes, so I came down these stairways." "Is there a shorter route from the International Lounge?" "There's the elevator." "Yes, I know about the elevator... but at 11:10, when the show breaks... when it's the peak of the evening and all that activity... that's six flights up." "Would the elevator or would the stairs be quicker at that hour?" "It's not likely, you'd have to wait a bit." "Have to wait for the elevator?" "Hmm." "Is there another route?" "No, sir." "Oh, Lieutenant." "We found this receipt in Harrington's personal papers." "It's for a gun." "He bought a Number 5 British Weatherby." "Two weeks ago in Las Vegas." "The captain will be quite pleased, don't you think?" "Morning, Mr. Danziger." "Good morning." "I'm just looking for the doctor." "I must say, you look great." "Glad to see you're up and about." "Thanks." "I feel a lot better." "Sir, I want to apologize for the disturbance last night." "I was already disturbed... when they took the body by the door." "Well, then you know." "Oh, yeah." "You can hear everything through there." "Do you know, sir, that the captain... would like to keep it from the passengers?" "Yes, I understand." "The girl who was shot... she sang with the band, is that right?" "Yes, a Rosanna Wells." "Is it true what I heard, that someone in the band shot her?" "Well, someone shot her, I don't know who." "I hope you don't tell any of the passengers, because the captain... he is already upset with me this morning for interviewing the crew." "Lieutenant, I'm curious..." "I mean, that you're investigating her death." "I wouldn't think that you'd have authority out here." "I don't." "No, I'm just helping out temporarily." "Oh, I see." "Okay." "Well, if there's anything that I can do." "Well, actually, sir, you can." "I was gonna ask you." "I understand that some of these people are guests of yours... here on the cruise." "Some kind of used-car salesmen or something like that." "You make used-car salesmen... sound like some kind of disease." "No offence intended, no." "It's just that..." "Well, a murder has been committed here on the boat... and the captain has... unofficially asked me to look into it... until we reach Mexico." "And, um..." "Well, I just didn't want to disturb your guests any more than I had to." "You don't think that one of them shot the girl?" "I don't know anything at this point." "But I thought you could help me out... as far as your guests are concerned... rather than me bothering them." "Oh, I see what you mean." "Yeah, that might be best." "Okay, feel free to call on me if I can be of any help, all right?" "Appreciate that, sir." "Thank you very much." "Glad you're feeling better." "Thank you." "In here, sir." "Where?" "Do you have a pencil?" "Pencil." "The purser found it in the laundry room." "Just aft of Miss Wells' cabin." "Just aft of the cabin." "I should have looked there myself." "Do you mind, sir?" "You see, the pencil can ruin the grooves." "And if you disturb the grooves... it would make a matchup with the bullet very difficult." "Lieutenant, this is a British Weatherby." "The receipt that we found in Mr. Harrington's cabin..." "Yes, I know, sir, it was a British Weatherby." "I wanna compliment your crew." "I hope they didn't put any prints on the gun." "I can assure you that none of my crew placed any prints on it." "You're perfectly welcome to examine it professionally." "Well, sir, I'm gonna do the best I can... considering the circumstances." "Do you have a piece of paper, sir?" "Paper?" "Some paper, sir." "Captain, could you get a mattress up here?" "A mattress?" "Yes, sir, any kind of a mattress will do." "Mattress." "A mattress, sir?" "Yeah, any mattress will do." "Ah, Mr. Danziger." "Feeling better, sir?" "Fine, thank you." "I don't want to appear rude, sir... but could you excuse us just a moment?" "Your purser, Watkins, said that he wanted to see me on the wheelhouse." "Uh, that was my idea, sir." "Mr. Danziger is helping me out with the investigation... so we don't disturb any of his guests." "I hope it's all right." "Yes." "Well, I suppose." "We've discovered the murder weapon." "Well, we're not sure yet." "This is a trick that I learned in the Hollenbeck Division... from an old sergeant when I first started out." "Don't use it much anymore." "See, the lab guys, they don't like it." "They claim I'm always messing up the evidence." "Nope." "There's no prints on that gun." "Did you find the gloves?" "No gloves, sir." "Just the gun." "Perhaps we should search Mr. Harrington's cabin again." "Oh, no, sir." "You won't find them there." "Nonetheless, see to it, will you?" "Very good, sir." "Lieutenant, I have the distinct feeling... that you don't think Harrington did it." "Well, it's very confusing, sir." "Why does a man keep a receipt... for a gun that he used to kill somebody with?" "Well, maybe he didn't know... what he was going to do with it when he bought it." "I doubt that, sir." "When people buy guns, they usually have a reason." "Would you place that outside, please?" "May we?" "Would you mind?" "Mind what?" "Mind firing the gun into the mattress?" "I hate guns." "Besides, I'm a bad shot." "I'm liable to miss." "Just hold it down here." "Get it down there and just pull the trigger." "I've got the other bullet here somewhere." "Well?" "Oh, it seems to be the murder weapon all right." "A ballistics man will be able to give us a positive reading." "Yes, I'd say this is the gun." "I don't understand, Lieutenant." "You've got the gun... a bullet... proof of ownership... and a young man who felt rejected." "You may be right, sir, but..." "It's obvious the musician shot her." "Well, maybe so." "Captain." "If we could just check the passengers... like Mr. Danziger here." "Passengers who have made the cruise previously..." "There's no point in disturbing the passengers... when we already have the murderer." "Sir, in all honesty..." "I think the passengers know what happened." "I mean, members of the crew, members of the band." "Besides, when you removed the girl's body from her cabin... you had to travel up four flights of stairs." "We used the crew stairway." "It's off-limits to the passengers." "The crew stairway?" "Oh!" "Of course." "Isn't that stupid of me not to know that you have a crew stairway... that runs throughout the boat?" "Ship." "Ship, sir." "Well..." "I think that will be all, sir." "Thank you for your time, Mr. Danziger." "Have another chance." "Hey, that's pretty good, Mr. Danziger." "You're really getting the hang of it." "Try it." "No." "No, you know, that looks like horseshoes." "And I'm not very good at horseshoes." "Try it, it's easy." "Come on." "All right, I'll try one." "Just one." "Here." "I'm terribly sorry, sir." "I think that's gone forever." "Don't worry about it, they got plenty of them." "You know, I'll tell you, there's one good thing about this cruise." "What's that?" "Your recovery." "It's been remarkable." "I didn't recover from anything." "I've got a hectic work schedule... that changed over to a tropical cruise." "My system temporarily rebelled." "You're probably right." "My wife had trouble yesterday, too." "She bounced right back." "Why don't you and the wife come up to my cabin one evening?" "Have a cocktail and relax." "Oh, she'd like that a lot, sir." "She's very big on cocktail parties." "Me, I can take them or leave them." "Something amazed me, Lieutenant." "I'll be back in a little while." "Take a break." "Okay?" "Mind if I ask you something?" "No." "Go right ahead." "How did you know... that I was a passenger before... without checking the records?" "Oh, that was just a coincidence, sir." "When I got on board in Los Angeles..." "I heard the captain call you by name." "Ah." "So I just assumed." "Besides, you look like you belong on a boat." "You can tell those things." "Another thing I'm curious about." "Why are you checking on previous passengers?" "It's the timing of the murder, sir." "Whoever killed Miss Wells must've known... that she would go to her cabin during the break." "You see, that would suggest a member of the crew... or a member of the band." "A passenger wouldn't know that." "Not on the first night of the cruise." "But a previous passenger would." "Ah." "You see?" "That's good thinking, Lieutenant." "Oh, thank you, sir." "That reminds me." "There's something I wanted to ask you." "Among your passengers..." "I'd be more comfortable if we could talk privately." "Is that all right with you?" "No problem, fine." "It isn't by chance I happened to be" "The belle of the ball the toast of Paris" "Probably too many years on the force." "But I always have the feeling that there's somebody listening... who shouldn't be." "Come sit over here Somebody will call" "A drink for the lady" "A drink for a song" "What I was getting at, sir, is... do you have any people in your group whose name begins with "L"?" ""L"?" "Uh, first or last?" "I don't know." "You know, I'm not sure." "You see, what happened was, the girl... before she died... she managed to scrawl the letter "L" in lipstick on the dresser." "So you could do me a big favor by checking your people out." "Isn't your suspect's name Lloyd Harrington?" "Yes, sir, and that does have an "L" in it." "But... if I can find a passenger... who has made the trip previously... and whose name also begins with an "L"..." "I'll have myself another suspect." "Lieutenant, I don't wish to be rude... but I know all of these people personally." "And I resent the implication it might be one of my dealers." "I may be all wrong about this, sir." "Let me tell you what's bothering me." "The gun was found in the laundry room... so whoever did this had to have a key to the laundry room." "If it was not Harrington... he had to have a key to Harrington's room... and maybe Miss Wells' room." "So the criminal either had a bunch of keys... or..." "Master key." "Correct." "A master key." "Who has a master key?" "Captain, purser... security, stewards." "It finally hit me." "What hit you?" "My brother-in-law." "He's got an auto repair shop in the Valley." "They bring in those wrecks." "A lot of times they don't have keys." "He makes a key." "He's got a tool." "It's called a..." "Curtis Clipper." "Right." "I knew you knew that." "Because he told me that auto dealers, they use these all the time... to repossess cars, stuff like that." "That information is correct?" "They use it..." "Yes, it's correct." "So when I saw all these auto dealers around..." "I said to myself..." ""Maybe we ought to be talking to one of them. "" "Lieutenant, isn't that a little far-fetched?" "I mean, anyone with some ingenuity... can make a duplicate master, even Harrington." "Besides, didn't you say that Harrington's gun was the murder weapon?" "But he denies owning it, sir." "Naturally." "What about the receipt in his room?" "I have to feel that somebody planted that, sir." "And it could've been the perpetrator." "Lieutenant, I would say that falls in the area of speculation." "I don't think so, sir." "No, I looked at those receipts very carefully." "I have them right here." "Care to sit down?" "Saxophone repair... lead sheets... piano tuning... hotel... restaurant." "All these receipts have one thing in common... they represent tax deductions... with one single exception." "The receipt for the gun." "He can't deduct that." "He can deduct all these." "So we know why he saved these." "I'll tell you, sir, for the life of me..." "I can't understand why he saved this one." "I see your point." "And, you know, there's something else that bothers me." "There it is." "There what is?" "That's the biggest garbage dump in the world." "Why didn't he just throw the gun overboard?" "Lieutenant, I can see you don't know much about ships." "He didn't have time." "How is that?" "Well, the murder took place during an intermission." "That is correct." "Okay." "Now a ship is a much larger place than people think." "Or maybe... he left the bandstand... he made his costume change... spent whatever minutes with the girl... then he had to rush back to the bandstand so he wouldn't be late." "Yes, that sounds very plausible." "So... he stashed the gun in the nearest convenient place." "The laundry room, right?" "But why didn't he just open the porthole in the cabin... and toss the gun in the water?" "The portholes are part of the decor." "They don't open." "They don't?" "No way." "Oh!" "Well, you know, Mr. Danziger, that's a very good theory." "That's probably exactly the way it happened." "You probably... couldn't tell, but I've never been on a boat before." "I couldn't tell." "No." "Listen, I'm going to get back to my game." "And when I'm done..." "I'll get hopping on your "L" theory." "Mr. Danziger." "Sir... about your theory..." "And it's very good." "My problem is, I didn't find any prints on the gun." "Then he wore gloves." "But if he wore gloves, sir... why wouldn't he stash the gloves with the gun in the laundry room?" "Gloves wouldn't be evidence." "Oh, on the contrary, sir, if you fire a gun and you're wearing gloves... the outside of the glove will retain a powder mark." "Well, he might not have known that." "But that still doesn't answer the question of what happened to the gloves." "Because he sure didn't bring them back to the bandstand." "I see." "And he couldn't have thrown them overboard... because if he had time to throw the gloves overboard... why not the gun too?" "Exactly, sir." "Then there were no gloves." "No gloves." "Of course not." "Don't you see?" "And the gun was found in the laundry room." "So Harrington must've used a towel." "Something like that." "Not gloves." "And he threw them both into the laundry room... and nobody paid any attention to the towel." "That's a very good thought, sir." "I'll have to think about that." "A towel." "Have a good game, sir." "Thank you." "How do you do?" "Doctor... would you take my pulse and my blood pressure immediately?" "Get the strap, Melissa." "Your pulse has a very high rate, Lieutenant." "It's over 100." "Here, sit down, please." "Your pressure's high, too." "What've you been doing, Lieutenant?" "Did Mr. Danziger have on his swimming trunks... when he was brought in here yesterday?" "Yes, why?" "No clothes up here at all?" "Not till this morning." "Excuse me." "Do you always keep this open?" "Well, there's nothing lethal in there." "Do you know how many pairs of these you have on board?" "Uh, no, not offhand." "Could you check on that?" "I'd appreciate it." "Oh, yes, of course." "We left port... with three dozen surgical gloves... and we used only the one pair last night." "There are 10 in here." "There are two dozen more in the boxes below." "So there's one pair to be accounted for." "Yes." "I assume your interest in the gloves... has something to do with the crime." "Yes, sir." "And you think the murderer used them?" "Could be." "If that's the case... it's even more evidence against Harrington." "He's a diabetic, you know." "Comes by here every day for his insulin." "I didn't know." "Could I borrow a pair of these?" "Of course, you may have a pair." "Surgical gloves are never reused." "Thank you, Doctor." "You've been very helpful." "Oh, Lieutenant." "Your coat." "Somebody's trying to set me up." "But what I don't get is why would anyone want to frame me?" "What bothers me is the receipt for the gun in Las Vegas." "I didn't buy a gun in Las Vegas." "I told you that before." "I don't care what the receipt says." "But you were there at the time." "I checked it out." "All right, so I was there." "There were a lot of other people there, too." "We play the lounges in Vegas a lot." "But I didn't buy a gun." "You ever get seasick?" "No." "These things saved my life." "Dramamine." "Mr. Harrington... when you broke up with Miss Wells... was there another man involved?" "Yes, I think so." "Do you know his name?" "No, she never said." "Hmm." "I see." "Well, frankly, Lieutenant..." "I don't see." "There's a photograph in my coat pocket." "Take a look at it." "It cost me $3 in the ship's photo gallery." "Do you recognize that man?" "No." "I've never seen him before in my life." "He took the cruise six weeks back." "Back on January 5th." "Yeah, we took that cruise before we went to Vegas... but I don't remember seeing him." "Miss Wells was aboard?" "Yeah." "And you don't ever remember seeing these two together?" "No." "As a matter of fact, I didn't see much of her at all." "She had a virus... and she'd just finish her song and then spend all her time in the cabin." "She did?" "Keep your spirits up, sir." "Wait, Lieutenant... the man in the photograph... do you think he's the one that did it?" "Yes." "But don't say anything." "I haven't gotten him yet." "Mrs. Danziger?" "Yes?" "Lt. Columbo." "I'm working with your husband." "The death of that girl." "He must've told you?" "Yes." "A dreadful thing." "I was just up at your husband's luncheon." "I didn't see you there." "I'm on a diet." "You certainly don't look fat to me." "And neither does he." "He looks very trim." "Oh, he's never been sick a day in his life." "Yeah, until yesterday." "Yes, well, the doctor assured us that it was nothing serious." "You see that fellow over there playing the slot machines?" "Waste of money." "I've played it 44 times." "I won once right at the beginning and I never won again." "You can't beat them." "I don't even try." "You're not a gambler?" "No, I prefer more quiet activities." "That's funny, I was under the impression... you and your husband went off to Las Vegas quite a bit." "Oh, no." "Hayden goes often without me." "I wouldn't be caught dead there." "You're a very broad-minded woman." "Letting your husband run off from home like that." "Wrong." "You're not broad-minded?" "No." "I wouldn't want to be." "Not where it counts." "Not about men." "Especially my husband." "You're very frank." "Very shrewd, too." "Aw, go on." "You're not shrewd." "Mmm-hmm." "I'm on to you." "I beg your pardon?" "I'm an older woman with lots of money." "Most of my friends think that Hayden married me for it." "So do you." "They're wrong, and you're wrong, too." "We have something together." "That's why we married." "As long as we have it, then we'll stay married." "It's very satisfying feeling like a woman." "Hayden hasn't disappointed me yet." "If he ever does..." "God help him." "Nice talking to you." "Mmm-hmm." "Oh, one other thing." "The last time that your husband went to Las Vegas... do you remember when it was?" "Last week." "Friday and Saturday." "Is it important?" "Just curious." "Thank you." "Do you have a moment?" "Yes, certainly." "I'd like to ask you a sticky question." "Yes, what is it?" "I know doctors can be sensitive about this." "Would it be possible for someone to deliberately fool you... into thinking they had a heart attack?" "Mr. Danziger?" "Just hypothetical." "Hypothetically, anything is possible." "A powerful stimulant could do it." "A large dose of amphetamine... or possibly amyl nitrate." "Amyl nitrate." "What is that?" "It's, uh, crystals that you break under the nostril." "It rushes the blood to the heart." "They use them in angina cases." "Amyl nitrate..." "That's very possible." "Let me ask you this, Doctor." "These crystals... how fast do they work?" "A couple of minutes?" "Something like that?" "Oh, no, just a few seconds, Lieutenant." "I see." "And you say they look something like capsules?" "Mmm-hmm." "Yes, that's right." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "How are you?" "Just fine." "There we go." "Now, you were in this office?" "Reading a book." "Where were you sitting?" "At the desk." "Were you facing this way?" "No, I was facing the wall, and my back was to the door." "So you were facing the wall." "So Mr. Danziger could have slipped out." "Lieutenant?" "Why do you persist in continuing this investigation?" "When we arrive at Mazatlàn tomorrow... the proper authorities will have no difficulty in seeing the obvious." "I'm afraid I must insist that you stop bothering the Danzigers... or anyone else." "Captain, one moment, if you don't mind." "May I have that chart?" "You see this, Captain?" "This is..." "Mr. Danziger's pulse rate and blood pressure... every 30 minutes from the time that he had his seizure at the pool." "I'm quite aware what it is, Lieutenant." "Yes, sir." "But would you notice that... it's high at the outset... and then it steadies out all afternoon and into the evening... until 11:30... and then it jumps back up again." "Now would you notice... the final entry at 12:10?" "It's back to normal." "Dr. Pierce, what's this all about?" "What's what all about?" "Well, this fluctuation." "This pulse fluctuation." "I noticed the fluctuation." "But since it returned to normal... and remained steady thereafter..." "I thought there was no need for alarm." "But what's the cause?" "That's the point." "I'm afraid I don't know, sir." "I think it's the result... the high pulse rate at 11:30..." "If I may say so, sir." "I think it's the result of Mr. Danziger's running up the crew stairwell... all the way from the Capri level to the hospital level... and getting back into bed before the nurse arrived." "That's plausible." "Yes." "But what about the receipt for the gun... that we found with Harrington's name in his cabin?" "Now, unless I'm very much mistaken, one needs identification... to purchase a handgun." "That is true, sir." "But you don't need photographs... and you don't need fingerprints." "And for a man who deals in documents as regularly as Mr. Danziger does..." "I don't think that's a very big problem." "Lieutenant, you're forgetting one thing." "When Mr. Danziger collapsed by the pool... the cardiac symptoms were undeniable." "But these are still wet." "I pulled them out of the pool filter." "Doctor." "Amyl nitrate?" "The doctor tells me that if you pop these in front of your nose... and take a deep breath... your pulse and your blood pressure is gonna go sky-high." "Excuse me, Mr. Danziger... can I see you a moment?" "How about at the bar?" "Get two Scotch and water." "Two Scotch and water." "Right there." "Mr. Danziger... yesterday when you were in the ward... did you see that musician, Harrington, around the hospital?" "I don't know what he looks like." "He's very distinctive." "You can't miss him." "He has a mustache... he has very bushy eyebrows... and he's got a lot of curly, kinky brown hair." "I didn't see him." "That's too bad, sir." "I was hoping we could find... someone who saw him with the gloves." "Gloves?" "What gloves?" "I thought we decided there were no gloves." "No, not really, sir." "We just toyed around with that idea... and it sounded good until I checked the hospital." "Hospital?" "That's right, sir." "There could be a pair of surgical gloves missing." "Naturally, I assumed Mr. Harrington took them." "Hmm." "I see." "And you think he wore gloves when he killed her." "But why surgical gloves?" "Why wouldn't just any old gloves do?" "There's the funny thing about that." "I asked my wife." "She didn't pack any gloves." "Now, I'll bet Mrs. Danziger didn't pack any either." "Neither for herself nor for you." "We're going on a tropical cruise." "Who packs gloves?" "Now, if the musician did it... and if he didn't have time to throw the gun overboard... then he didn't have time to throw the gloves overboard." "But here's my problem." "I can't find the gloves." "I mean, I have searched every inch of that ship... from the girl's cabin to the bandstand." "No gloves." "So I'm right back where I started." "You're a stickler for details, Lieutenant." "Look, I hope I'm not boring you with all this... but it helps to talk it out." "Not at all." "No." "You know, sometimes my thoughts..." "It gets like a traffic jam up here." "You see, Mr. Harrington did not leave any prints on the gun." "That's going to make it very hard for the prosecutor to prove he did it." "If he gets acquitted, that doesn't mean the case is closed." "I'll keep working on it." "I mean, speaking for myself, sir." "I will keep on something until it's finished." "That's a very admirable quality." "That's my nature." "I'm sure you're built the same way." "Well..." "That's why I gotta find the gloves." "I gotta find the gloves with the powder burns on the outside." "Because when I find them... that's when I can prove why Mr. Harrington's prints weren't on the gun." "I don't know why I'm bothering you with all this." "It's my problem." "No, sir." "No, it's just that I didn't want you to think..." "I was poking around, asking questions for no reason." "I understand." "I appreciate that, sir." "Thank you very much for the drink." "My pleasure." "I have to get back to my wife." "What's the matter, darling?" "You're looking at your watch." "Nothing, just checking the time." "This is the captain speaking." "The fire alarm will ring in a moment." "All members of the crew... are to reach their stations... two minutes after the alarm is sounded." "The passengers need not interrupt what they are doing." "It is merely a drill for the crew only." "Thank you." "Wait a minute." "Fetch the captain." "You wanted to see me, Lieutenant?" "Mr. Danziger." "Yes, sir." "Very happy to see you." "Look at this, sir." "Look what the captain found." "He found the gloves." "Well, I'm delighted for you." "Now, if you can find powder marks on them... you've got your final proof, haven't you?" "Yes, sir, I certainly will." "And that will prove that the whole thing was planned." "Case of premeditated murder." "I thought you needed paraffin to pick up powder marks." "Yes, sir, you do." "But I'm sure... that on the outside of that right glove those are powder marks." "Don't get me wrong, sir." "It's not that that's not important." "It's just that I'm after something else." "I'll explain it to you in a moment." "What I'm after is not on the outside of the glove." "It's on the inside of the glove." "You see, if the killer had wore leather gloves... all we could hope for is powder marks." "But surgical gloves, they're different." "The texture is different." "But the texture retains... both fingerprints and palm prints." "Big as life, sir." "Big as life." "Now, whosever print that is... that person shot and killed Rosanna Wells." "But that print... is not Mr. Harrington's print." "No, sir." "I have a set of Mr. Harrington's prints." "I took the liberty of getting them this morning." "No, they don't match." "Mr. Danziger... would you place the index finger of your right hand... in that graphite... and I think, maybe, we can wrap this whole thing up very quickly?" "It is my print." "Lieutenant, suppose I told you... that I deliberately placed those gloves in the fire hose." "You, sir?" "Why in the world would you do a thing like that?" "Yes, sir, why would you do a thing like that?" "But there were powder marks on those gloves." "Doesn't that mean that they were used when a gun was fired?" "Yes, sir, it does." "That would mean that you would have had to have found a gun... gone someplace where a shot couldn't be heard... fired the gun... taken the gloves and hid them under a fire hose." "For what reason?" "How did you find out?" "Now, this feather, sir..." "I found it in the corridor of the hospital." "That could've come from any pillow in a hospital room." "No, sir, they don't use feathers in pillows in hospitals." "They cause allergies." "All the pillows in the hospital were made of foam rubber." "I'll tell you about this feather." "When you fired the gun through the pillow... this feather stuck to some portion of your body... and it dropped off when you walked back to the hospital." "The police launch is coming alongside, sir." "Escort Mr. Danziger to the lower deck." "Yes, sir." "Hand him over to the officer in charge." "Very good, sir." "Excuse me, Purser." "Have you seen my wife?" "As a matter of fact, she's looking for you." "She's looking for me?" "How do you like that?" "I'm running all over the ship, I'm looking for her." "Um, Lieutenant... uh, isn't that your wife getting into the launch?" "Do I still have time to catch that ship?" "Yes, you can." "And, Lieutenant... that's a boat." "Oh, that's..." "And..." "To hell with it."