"[Barks]" "Boo!" "Emma." "Alex." " We brought you some flowers." " Oh, they're beautiful." "Thank you, darlings." "BOY:" "Alex said if we brought you flowers and were quiet and good, that you would read us another story about the river." " I didn't." " Only if we go for a walk... and get some fresh air." "Outside?" "We'll go to the river, give the dogs a run, and I'll tell you the story." "GRANDMOTHER:" "Come on." "Don't lag behind, Edward." "Young people and dogs require plenty of exercise." "EDWARD:" "I'd rather be Mr. Toad in his motorcar." "Poop... poop!" "Come on, Emma." "You can be Moly." "What sort of story is it?" "It's a winter story." "But it all began the summer before, after the battle of Toad Hall." "Mole, Rat, Badger, and Otter were leading normal lives again, and Toad was not only keeping his solemn promise... to give up motorcars, but was doing a good deed... by offering hospitality to Mole's recently orphaned nephew." "TOAD:" "Oh, it's a game for men of intellect, Nephew Mole." "Yes." "Atmospheric conditions, geometry." "I mean, pish tosh to the internal... combustion engine." "No, no, no." "Oh!" "Within the year, I shall be the..." "[Airplane approaching]" "Oh..." "Ah..." "What, Mr. Toad?" "What?" "Oh, uh..." "world champion... boy." "[Sputters]" "Fore!" "Oh!" "Did you mean to do that, sir?" "Uh..." "I think it's time you packed your bags, laddie, hmm?" "[Toad imitating airplane engine]" "GRANDMOTHER:" "And Nephew Mole did go back to Mole End, where weeks, months, slow seasons passed." "Sometimes, kindly Uncle Mole... thought a certain young animal was outstaying his welcome." "MOLE:" "Oh, drat!" "Oh, bother!" "Oh, blow!" " Set them up again?" " Certainly not." "I'll let you win." "Hang draughts!" "What I want is..." "Yes?" "Oh, I just want it to be spring... so things can start happening again." "Oh..." "[Knock on door]" "VOICE:" "Hello?" "Hello?" "I knew it was madness, fitting a new door open to the world." "What respectable creature on a night like this..." "You're brave, Uncle." "Mr. Rat told me how you fought..." "Brave when necessary." "Foolhardy never." "VOICE:" "Mr. Mole." "Hello?" "Hello?" " Portly!" " Let me in, Mr. Mole." "Portly." "Mr. Otter's boy." "Come in, lad." "A small nip of sloe and blackberry." "You've no coat." "You must be frozen to the marrow." "Oh, sit you down." "You're bleeding." "Now, then, what's happened?" "A little more, please." "MOLE:" "Something awful's happened, hasn't it?" " I..." "He..." " Yes?" " You..." "We..." " Try to tell me." "It's such a long way." "Quite so, poor fellow, but..." "I say! "Small" nip." "That's strong stuff." "PORTLY:" "He said..." ""I think Mole..."" "MOLE:" "Who said?" "It's important." "Rat did." "Said, "Mole... must come."" "[Snoring]" "Let this be a lesson." "Sorry, Uncle." "What will we do?" "Not "we," my lad. "I."" "You will stay here until that wretched youth wakes up." "I, meanwhile, shall go to Rat's house." "Not tonight, Uncle." "Wait till morning." "MOLE:" "Till morning?" "Would Rat wait till morning if you..." " Better take this." " Good thinking." "MOLE:" "To the rescue!" "Coming, Ratty!" "Brave when necessary." "Foolhardy..." "PORTLY:" "Close the door." "There's a draft." "Must get to Rat's house by hook or by crook." "Oh, my." "I'll get lost." "Think, Mole." "What would Ratty do?" "Of course." "Navigate." "The barn... and the stile." "Hold on, old friend!" "The river!" "Rat's house." "So near." "Ratty!" "Too far to go round by the bridge." "Oh, blow." "On my way, Ratty." "[Crack]" "Oh, my." "Oh!" "Help!" "Oh!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Help!" "Oh!" "Help me!" "[Rooster crows]" "[Rat snoring]" "[Rooster crows]" "Wake up, Ratty!" "My lad's missing!" "Last night, when we were so enjoying ourselves... and I said, "Wish Moly were here," do you suppose he..." "Portly's so impulsive." "But there's been a fearful blizzard, and I'm worried, old chap." "You're right to be, Otter." "I had this dream, the river telling me something was wrong." "RAT:" "No sign of life." "The fire's out." "Rum." "Don't like the look of it." "Mole!" "Mole's not here." "OTTER:" "Uh!" "Portly!" "Thank heavens you're safe, son." "RAT:" "Yeah." "But where's Mole?" "And where's his nephew?" "OTTER:" "Speak up, boy." "RAT:" "Get that fire going." "Leave this to me." "[Portly crying]" "Listen, here." "Something's terribly wrong." "What's happened?" "I don't really know." "Come, come." "Where, now, is Mole?" " Gone to rescue you." " Rescue... me?" "And where, now, is Nephew?" "Gone to rescue Mole." "RAT:" "What?" "OTTER:" "What?" "NEPHEW MOLE:" "Mr. Rat!" "Oh, my brave uncle." "What would he have me do?" "Ah... oh..." "Oh, dear." "Such awful writing." "RAT:" "Nephew Mole!" "OTTER:" "Nephew Mole!" "OTTER:" "What is it?" "A map?" "RAT:" "His will." "GRANDMOTHER:" "And so they knew that Mole was gone... and that his valiant attempt to reach Rat's house... had come to a bitter end in the smashed ice... and pitiless waters of the swollen river." "[Nephew Mole crying]" "Truest friend I ever had." "The bravest chap I ever knew." "Ma... maybe he survived somehow." "Perhaps he's..." "Oh..." "RAT'S VOICE:" "The river's never failed to talk to me... in all her moods, in good times and bad times." "Even in the warm, lazy calm of summer... when I tired of her and wanted the shade of trees... and the hum and buzz of secluded places, she was always waiting." ""Talk to me," she'd say..." ""and you shall be answered."" "A privilege for you to witness this, my lad." "Brrr." "Mole's alive but not well." "Needs help." "Go and get Portly." "Muster a search party and comb the bank." "I'll row Nephew upriver to Badger's." "What about Mr. Toad?" "Toad?" "At a time like this?" "Ha!" "No, fear." "The best way Toad can help is to stay at home." "[Toad muttering]" "TOAD:" "I say, can't you get a move on?" "I've been waiting months for this." "MAN:" "Can't start her up and fly her safe." "TOAD:" "You fly her?" "Ho ho ho!" "Oh, no, no, no, chappy." "You may start her up, but I shall take the controls." "Can't allow that, sir." "What do you mean can't allow it?" "Whose lovely airplane is it, anyway?" "Not save I test her first, then teaches you how to fly." "Teach me how to fly?" "Already know it all!" "Ha ha ha!" "[Sighs]" "That's enough for a test run." "TOAD:" "Come on." "Come on." "Come on, come on, come on!" "[Engine backfires]" "Oh, bah!" "It's a dud." "Oh, order me another one." "Got to have patience, Mr. Toad." "Patience?" "I am the most patient fellow in England!" "Oh..." "NEPHEW MOLE:" "What can it be, Mr. Rat?" "RAT:" "Probably some nonsense up at Toad Hall." "Never mind." "Must press on to Badger's." "NEPHEW:" "What kind of nonsense?" "RAT:" "Toad nonsense." "[Toad laughing hysterically]" " Stand aside." " Oh, sir!" "Do think!" "I didn't get where I am today by thinking." "Action!" "Onwards and upwards!" "Ooh!" "Your honor!" "Uh!" "My... my what?" "Your highness, I begs you." "A great man like you..." "Yeah, go on." "MAN:" "So important." "So..." "So extraordinaire, hmm?" "[Crows cawing]" "WEASEL:" "Here they come." "Nothing to worry about." "[Badger clears throat]" "The fearsome Rat and I know you have reason not to like us, even less the mighty Mole, but remember, we treated you fairly." "Now Mole is in danger." "Grr!" "If you bring him home safe..." "Hmm..." "Grr!" "You'll partake of high tea with Mr. Badger himself." "I'll get us more than a tea party." "And?" "Grr!" "Receive a letter of forgiveness from Mr. Toad for past wrongs." "WEASEL:" "In addition to?" "In addition to not being driven from the Wild Wood." "Forward!" "[Toad sputtering]" "Stand clear, or I shall be obliged to knock you down." "Not if you was the Prince of Wales hisself." "I want to fly!" "I will fly!" "Can't allow it, your worship." "But the whole point is that I, Toad of Toad Hall, should be seen to be flying it." "That can be arranged." "[Sputtering]" "Oh?" "You has my cushion plus your own, and I keeps me head down." "Ah!" "Me up." "You down." "Splendid!" "MAN:" "Especially if you has this." "A parachute?" "Hey, I won't need it, will I?" "'Course not." ""There goes a great aviator," ""what knows how to do things proper."" "That's what folks will say." "Oh, yeah." "Ratty." "Mole." "Badger." "Ha ha ha!" "His Majesty in Windsor Castle." "Oh! "Oh, there flies the intrepid Mr. Toad, my dear." ""Oh, do remind me to give him a knighthood or two."" "TOAD:" "Follow the river." "Might see some of the little people." "Ha ha ha!" "Ah!" "Go faster!" "Faster!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Whoa!" "Higher!" "Whoo!" "Ha!" "Whoo!" "Whoa!" "Level out!" "Level out, will you?" "Oh, bliss!" "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Ah!" "Hey, pilot chappy!" "You see that crowd?" "What I want you to do is this." "RAT:" "Water's still rising." "Wherever Mole got washed up will be under flood." "Which means... the worst." "Ha ha ha!" "Faster!" "Heh heh heh!" "Now let's give them a close glimpse of my good self." "What is that thing?" "Oh!" "Not "what," Badger. "Who?"" "TOAD:" "I say, you fellows." "Ha ha ha!" " Are you thinking..." " Yes!" "It's an abomination!" "Which could be put to good use." "In search for Mole." "Continue the search." "Mr. Badger and I shall requisition..." "Toad's infernal contraption!" "Ha ha ha!" "Ooh, what fun!" "[Gasps]" "MAN:" "Low on petrol." "Back to base." "Uh!" "Oh, no!" "They'll spoil my fun!" "They always do!" "TOAD:" "Uh..." "Oh, hello, you chaps." "BADGER:" "Scoundrel!" "Wretched, raving, irresponsible animal!" "You should be horsewhipped!" "Get down at once!" "And take off that ridiculous outfit!" "TOAD:" "Oh..." "I'll deal with you in due course, but first, this preposterous machine... must be used to search for Mole." "He's in the gravest danger." "Moly?" "In danger?" "I shall conduct reconnaissance." "Got the hang of this flying lark now." "BADGER:" "Deluded fool." "This competent aviator will pilot the machine." "Rat will be the observer." "But..." "[Sputtering]" "As you wish, Badger." "Needs more juice, guv." "Nearly empty." "Right." "Maps." "Oh, poor Moly." "All my resources shall be put to his aid." "You, follow me to my summer house." "Yes, I keep all my maps in there." "Ahem... heh heh heh." "Are you happy about this, Ratty?" "All looks very ramshackle to me." "Not a bit as well... founded as our sturdy little boat." "[Toad and pilot struggling]" "RAT:" "I'd do anything for Mole, Badger." "You know I would." "I wish that pilot would hurry up." "BADGER:" "I know nothing... about these newfangled thingamajigs, Ratty." "My advice is hold on tight." "BADGER:" "Dash it, sir!" "Have a care!" "BADGER:" "What about the petrol?" "TOAD:" "Petrol?" "Mere detail, old boy!" "Ha ha ha!" "Ratty, jump out!" "Jump out!" "Criminal!" "Imbecile creature!" "[Metal scraping]" "TOAD:" "Look, Ratty!" "No hands!" "Ha ha ha!" "Can't say I didn't keep my promise." "No more slow old motorcars for Toad." "No, they keep bumping into things, you know." "Up here... up here there's space!" "No need to look where you're going!" "Aah!" "TOAD:" "Confounded, stupid trees!" "Cut them all down, I say." "Yes, make more room for us aviators." "Toad..." "I implore you!" "TOAD:" "Ooh, I wonder what clouds are made of." "Hold tight, old bean!" "Whee!" "Ha ha!" "This is the life, Ratty, old chum!" "Free as the birds, eh?" "Whee!" "Ha ha!" "RAT:" "Spirits of nature, hear me." "Though I might die, let Mole be safe." "[Engine sputters]" "Let him be found unharmed... and be looked after by his nephew." "TOAD:" "Look what I'm doing now, Rat!" "Isn't it fun?" "Help!" "TOAD:" "Ha ha!" "RAT:" "Help!" "Aah..." "Ratty?" "Ratty?" "Aah..." "Poor dear Ratty." "Aah..." "RAT:" "That must be..." "the Beyond." "Our dear little blue boat..." "Wait for me with Moly in the Beyond." "Aah..." "Reckless manslaughter!" "You'll pay for this, Toad!" "Oh, you surely will!" "Must find Mole." "Wonder where my boat is, Otter and Badger." "Oh, yes, I know where you are, Toad, and you can go hang!" "You can go hang!" "Toad, you shall hang!" "[Struggling]" "Toad's in his heaven, and all's right with the world." "I mean to say, Rat's landed safely by his parachute, and they're bound to find Moly before too long, and they can't get me up here!" "Ha ha ha!" "So..." "[Singing] I'm up in the air" "I'm extraordinaire" "I'm king of the sky, above all those down there" "I'm famous, intrepid!" "Let poets write odes..." "[Engine sputters]" "To the best and the highest of toads, ha ha!" "Whoa!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "What'll I do?" "Oh, no!" "Not the courthouse!" "Oh, not that dungeon again!" "Wah!" "Wah!" "Whoa!" "Oh!" "Whew." "Oh!" "Oh, no!" "Why not a nice, soft haystack?" "Ooh!" "GRANDMOTHER:" "Against all odds... and in a way he'd never be able to account for, the Mole survived his terrible ordeal... exhausted but unscathed." "MOLE:" "Still alive." "GRANDMOTHER:" "Somehow borne to a dry, soft place, all he knew was that he'd dreamed of an endless falling, of gentle hands that had saved him, voices calling his name." "[Calling]" "I'm here." "Oh..." "Must rest." "Keep Ratty safe." "TOAD:" "Ooh!" "Ouch!" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "Help!" "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Help!" "Ouch!" "Ah!" "Aah!" "I say!" "Yeow!" "Oh!" "Stupid plant!" "Spike me, would you?" "Wah!" "Ha ha!" "Ooh!" "Ho there, gardener chappy!" "Come to my aid!" "I am a person of considerable substance!" "Money no object!" "It is your privilege to serve... the celebrated Toad of Toad Hall." "[Door opens]" "Can't ever depend on the working classes." "Oh!" "MAN:" "Remarkable indeed, I must say." "TOAD:" "Oh..." "Ah!" "Personages of quality." "Ahem..." "Help!" "Oh, no!" "No!" "Don't help!" "You flung me into the deepest dungeon in England." "JUDGE:" "I'm sure you'll admire this tree, milord." "Only one of its kind in England." "Therefore, well... protected against vandalism, eh, commissioner?" "Were it damaged, I'd not expect the criminal... to find mercy in your court, judge." "Ha ha ha." "[Toad gulps]" "But first, you would smite him, what?" "I see, judge, that you keep tropical beasts in here... to fertilize the blooms, I take it, huh?" "JUDGE:" "Insects, spiders, that kind of thing." "TOAD:" "What?" "Spiders?" "COMMISSIONER:" "I had in mind something rather larger." "JUDGE:" "Fruit bats, snakes... a few." "COMMISSIONER:" "No, judge." "Larger still." "Larger than snakes?" "Uh!" "The game's up, old boy." "I mean, better a dungeon... than be eaten alive by horrid creepy... crawlies." "What?" "Oh..." "Or breaking every bone in my beautiful body." "Oh, free me, sirs!" "I am an intrepid aviator... who has fallen upon a predicament." "It's that courageous pilot!" "Who ensured his machine did not crash upon our town." "A local hero." "A national hero." "He saved dozens of lives." "You shall be brought down." "Then sent down, no doubt." "Only, what if..." "Wait!" "Under no circumstances whatever... may my flying apparel be removed." "Oxygen in the bloodstream, you know." "Remove my helmet, and I must surely die." "BADGER:" "Ratty!" "Badger, Otter... so you've come." "Of course." "I saw you fall." "Wonderful invention, the parachute." "Like swimming." "Good at that." "So, you're... you're all right?" "Are you, Ratty?" "You don't seem quite yourself." "I saw..." "Beyond." "Yes, quite, quite, yes." "Well, still no trace of Mole and Toad?" "But I saw..." "Toad?" "Oh, he'll be all right." "BADGER:" "Will you come to my house, Rat?" "Mole's still lost, you say?" " Well and truly." " Lost and gone." "But the river flows on, I daresay." "[Laughing]" "RAT:" "Understand me!" "I've seen..." "BADGER:" "Come." "At my house, you'll be..." " I've seen..." " Looked after." "Food and rest." " But I..." " Best not talk now, Ratty." "We have some arrangements to make." "Arrangements, Badger?" "Memorial service for Mole." "See how affected Rat is?" "A service will help us all come to terms with Mole's passing." "Oh, Mole's alive." "The river has told me so." "You see?" "Too stunned to accept the..." "RAT:" "Mole's safe... and Toad." "He always lands on his feet." "[Loud snoring]" "TOAD:" "Oh, no!" "Oh, no!" "We're crashing!" "[Imitates explosion]" "Oh!" "Oh..." "Ah!" "Toad lives." "No mortal wound." "No blood!" "Oh, the hero is intact despite extremes of endurance!" "Oh, splendid!" "Oh, a stately pile... worthy of the honor of a visit by a celebrated aviator." "Ha ha ha!" "Oh, but crawling with judges and commissioners of police!" "Oh!" "Ah..." "However, Toad shall..." "[Knock on door]" "[Man clears throat]" "[Weakly] Uh, who's there?" "MAN:" "Prendergast, sir." "I am very gravely ill." "Ah... choo." "His lordship was of the opinion that you may be ready... for a little refreshment, sir." "[Toad coughs weakly]" "TOAD:" "Oh." "Oh, no." "No appetite." "Still very weak." "[Coughs weakly]" "PRENGERGAST:" "Oh, very well." "In that case, sir..." "Well, uh, I might perhaps just peck at some morsel." "[Laughs softly]" "Ah!" "Wacko!" "Grub!" "[Chomping loudly]" "[Snoring]" "[Prendergast clears throat]" " Hmm?" " Good day, sir." "I trust you slept well." "Oh..." "[Coughs weakly]" "Not very well." "PRENDERGAST:" "Luncheon is served, sir." "Well, what happened to breakfast?" "You were sleeping so soundly, sir," "I thought it best not to disturb you." "I left the morning newspapers, however." "I've been cheated!" "I've..." "[Sputtering]" "Well, I might just manage the merest crumb." "Come on, off with you." "Off with you!" "Well?" "His lordship desires me to convey his earnest desire... that you dine downstairs... with him and his company tonight, sir..." "Oh, um, tomorrow maybe." "PRENGERGAST:" "Now that you appear to have made a full recovery." "Oh!" "I'm still a sick man." "His lordship is most insistent, sir." "He's anxious to honor..." "[Clears throat]" "A great and heroic airman." "Oh, well, of course." "Of course." "But tell your master that should I dine with him," "I must do so dressed as I am." "No proper togs, don't you know?" "You'll find full evening dress in the wardrobe, sir." "TOAD:" "Huh?" "Oh, no!" "I must think." "I must think." "Um... now, what is the time?" "[Clock chiming]" "BADGER:" "The time has now come to give thanks... for the life of our dear friend the Mole." "We are gathered at the very spot... where he took leave of his most blameless life." "By the light of his lantern, we honor his memory." "PORTLY:" "I'm so cold and hungry." "BADGER:" "Shh, wretched animal." "Show respect for the dead." "PORTLY:" "Oh, it's all my fault." "RAT:" "I don't think your uncle's dead." "Nor do I, Mr. Rat, although..." "Well, now, where was I?" "Ahem, now..." "Ordinary Mole, humble Mole, who became great and noble Mole, whose like will never be seen again." "[Crying]" "BADGER:" "We who had the privilege of being counted... the friends of the illustrious Mole... will never forget his many acts of kindness and hospitality." "If I may be permitted a personal reminiscence," "I should like to recall a very special occasion..." "[Badger's voice fades]" "Aah!" "Mr. Badger..." "Mr. Rat..." "Pa..." "There's a... a... a something coming." "Shh..." "If the love and generosity of heart enshrined therein..." "PORTLY:" "It's..." "It's a spirit coming to..." "Follow Mole's shining example, brethren, because be sure your sins will find you out!" "What is that wretched youth up to now?" "PORTLY:" "It's coming to punish me." "OTTER:" "There, there, son." "RAT:" "Not long now." "[Excited conversation]" "PORTLY:" "The ghost of Mole coming to get me!" "RAT:" "Badger... run!" "Unworthy animals!" "Come back!" "Come back, I say!" "MOLE:" "I have come back." "Grr!" "Uh!" "Whatever you are, go back whence you came!" "MOLE:" "But, Badger..." "Go hence!" "We shall lay thy soul in peace." "Begone, spirit!" "Leave us to mourn the death of Mole." "But I am Mole, and I'm not dead, but I'm cold and hungry, and I want cheese on toast... and a glass of hot toddy." "RAT:" "By George!" "I do believe it is Mole." "The Mole!" "MOLE:" "Of course it's me." "Who else would I be?" "Hello, Rat." "So glad you're safe." "Why are you all acting so strangely?" "Anybody would think you'd seen a ghost." "[Laughing]" "Grr..." "Changed my mind." "Not cheese on toast." "A great big dollop of bubble and squeak." "RAT:" "Now I'm sure you're you." "BADGER:" "Reprehensible and dreadful Toad." "You had better never come down!" "[Dogs barking]" "Lordy!" "Daren't go down there." "Be clapped in irons before you could say constabulary." "Oh!" "But there's no getting out of that dinner with..." "Ah!" "Ha ha ha." "Toad, old boy, you are a genius!" "Not only a great aviator, but also the most brilliant and inventive thinker... of the modern age!" "Any age, actually!" "But above all, a man of action!" "Prendergast!" "[Coughing]" "Sir?" "Sir?" "Are you all right?" "Where are you?" "[Toad gasping and coughing]" "PRENDERGAST:" "Oh, there you are, sir." "I'll open a window." "Fortunately, sir, the chimney sweep has just arrived." "Oh." "Oh, really?" "Oh, I say." "What a lucky happenstance." "Ha ha ha." "Yes." "I'll have him come at once." "[Snap]" "Meanwhile, perhaps you'd care to join the company... for afternoon tea, sir." "His lordship and her ladyship and their guests... are all agog to meet you." "No!" "Well, that is to say..." "You can't remain in this smoke..." "laden atmosphere." "TOAD:" "Can't I, by George?" "Well, let me tell you, Prendergast!" "I've walked unscathed from... from... well, from blazing infernos!" "Yes!" "And, I mean, what's a mere puff of smoke to a... to a hero?" "[Bear growls]" "Very well, sir." "I'll inform his lordship." "No!" "L..." "Well, that is, I..." "[Sputtering]" "Ahem... hmm?" "Sir?" "TOAD:" "No informing, eh?" "There's a good chap." "You scratch my back, Prendergast... hmm?" "Oh." "Thank you, sir." "Phew." "CHIMNEY SWEEP:" "I'll make a start, then, governor, yeah?" "TOAD:" "Well, hmm, yeah." "Thirsty job, what?" "Oh, yes." "Yes, your honor." "Yes, your honor, very thirsty." "Mind you, I'm not actually a big drinking man, me, but, um..." "Only afford common beer." "CHIMNEY SWEEP:" "Good enough for the common man, sir." "Yeah, but champagne for the lord, eh?" "Ha ha ha!" "Here, have a glass." " Oh, um..." " Go on." "[Snoring]" "[Door opens]" "Finished yet, sweep?" "Uh... all done, your honorable lordship." "PRENDERGAST:" "Follow me." "[Snoring]" "The servants staircase is that way." "Servants staircase, indeed!" "[Woman screams]" "Oh, no!" "What's happening?" "MAID:" "He's up and coming down!" "He's up and coming down!" " Whatever's the matter, girl?" " Lt's him, the great aeronaut." "Isn't he handsome?" "Oh, to think as how I peeled the taters what he ate." "The bravest man there ever lived." "FOOTMAN:" "Risked his life to save the town." "Did I?" "No!" "No!" "No, you're all wrong!" "CHIMNEY SWEEP:" "Thank you so much." "JUDGE:" "My dear sir, is there no end to your courage?" "CHIMNEY SWEEP:" "Oh, dear." "Oh, I do feel a bit funny." "Still clearly weak of limb, yet valiantly you attempt... to descend to grace us with your presence." "You are all deceived!" "That person is a base impostor!" "Neither more nor less than a drunken, common chimney sweep." "[Chimney sweep muttering]" "The true, the peerless aviator extraordinaire and hero... is none other than..." "my very humble self." "COMMISSIONER:" "What?" " I recognize that voice." " Whoops!" " I've sentenced that villain." " Uh... oh!" " That's the infamous Toad!" " Oh!" "COMMISSIONER:" "Stop, Toad, in the name of the law!" "Seize him!" "CHIMNEY SWEEP:" "Uh... oh." "Oh... whoops." "[Panting]" "Come on, faster, legs!" "[Shouting]" "Ha ha!" "Toad shall prevail!" "[Shouting]" "Oh, no!" "What'll I do?" "COMMISSIONER:" "In the name of the law, after him!" "Close all the escape routes!" "Ha ha ha!" "A bike!" "Perfect!" "Ha ha!" "[Sputtering]" "Oh, made fools of them all!" "Hee hee!" "COMMISSIONER:" "Stop, Toad, in the name of the law!" "Huh?" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "B... b... b... b... b... b!" "Oh!" "COMMISSIONER:" "When I'm done with you..." "[Shouting]" "There'll be nothing left to hang!" "Aah!" "Whoa!" "Ha ha ha!" "[Shouting]" "[Toad laughing]" "[Singing] As he strolled along the Bois de Boulogne with an independent air you could hear the girls declare" ""He must be a millionaire"" "Aah!" "Whoa!" "[Sputtering]" "Oh, no!" "They'll follow my tracks." "Oh, oh, oh, oh." "Huh?" "Ah!" "Sanctuary!" "[Sniffing]" "And grub." "Yum yum!" "[Knocking]" "[Children shouting]" "WOMAN:" "Look lively, you children." "Pa's home from the big house." "Your supper's ready, ducks." "Boiled bacon and taters." "Your favorite." "[Toad sputtering]" "Lovely." "[Children shouting]" "WOMAN:" "Get them boots and working clothes off, and I'll give your back a scrub." "Give my what a what?" "Here." "Hold on." "You're not our pa." "Who the devil are you?" "Well, you see, um..." "ah... ooh... good... bye." "WOMAN:" "You!" "You!" "RAT:" "Didn't even close the door." "Feckless animal." "Hello." "An American postmark." "I'd better keep it for him." "Pipe in the attic must have burst during the thaw." "OTTER:" "It's just this middle part under the burst." "I'll turn it off at the mains." "Poor Toad." "BADGER:" "Not poor." "Too much money." "Not enough common sense." "I still say poor Toad." "RAT:" "Toad leads a charmed life." "He'll be watched over." " As I was." " And I was." "BADGER:" "His memoirs." "I know he was writing very warmly about us all, even me." "Don't say "was," Badger." "No, let's be optimistic." "MOLE:" "About your party, Badger..." "[Grumbles]" "MOLE:" "Nephew's had a bright idea." "I don't think Mr. Toad would mind... if you borrowed his silverware and crockery." "Be in safekeeping, too." "Very well." "BADGER:" "But the function shall be in memory of Toad, feckless animal as he was." "[Bells ringing]" "[Wedding march playing]" "WOMAN:" "Look, Ethel, a sweep." "Sweeps is lucky at weddings." "Reckon he's the lucky one." "He'll be getting lobster and champagne." "TOAD:" "And how marvelous the happy couple look." "Congratulations, my dears." "How fortunate for you that I should be here." "I'm the luckiest sweep in the country." "Oh, yes, in great demand at all the best weddings, christenings, harvest suppers, et cetera..." "JUDGE:" "So delighted, commissioner, that my son becomes your son... in..." "law." "Oh, a judiciary and constabulary." "Perfect match, hmm?" "No hope for criminals now." "No clemency." "Hang them all!" "TOAD:" "Ha ha ha!" "Now, then..." "A close-up of my good self perhaps." "Yes." "Now, this is my best profile." "PHOTOGRAPHER:" "Now move in a little bit." "That's it." "A bit nearer to the bride perhaps." "Yeah." "Mm... hmm." "Lovely." "That's it." "Smile." "Hold it." "[Woman screams]" "Oy!" "That's him what's pretending to be my missing husband!" "What?" "Oh, no!" "It's that common housewife." "It's that despicable Toad again." "TOAD:" "Oh, cripes!" "Oh!" "Oh!" " Surrounded!" " Lt's him again." " Seize him!" " Seize that criminal!" "[Birds chirping and rooster crowing]" "GRANDMOTHER:" "Time slipped by." "Winter drew to a close with no news of Toad, and Badger was still in no great hurry... to fulfill his promise of a party." "Then, one day..." "BADGER:" "Toad's alive!" "RAT:" "What?" "Alive?" "Toad's in a dungeon awaiting trial." "MOLE:" "Poor old Toady." "RAT:" "Whatever for?" "Among other things, suspected murder." "Impossible." "Murder of a chimney sweep." "RAT:" "Let's see." "Something odd." "Goes without saying, Toad's incapable of murder." " Manslaughter perhaps." " That's odd." "BADGER:" "Think what happened to you owing to his foolhardiness." "There is no mention of his flying machine." "What can we do?" "Uh..." "I have a..." "It's a forlorn hope." "Still, for such little as it's worth..." "The editor, The Times London." "In the matter of the impending trial... of Mr. Toad of Toad Hall..." "Do no good, of course." "Toad's a goner." "So, may I presume upon our old friendship... in order to ask..." "MAN:" "Face the charges." "TOAD:" "Murder?" "MAN:" "You shall hang!" "TOAD:" "But I didn't mean to!" "MAN:" "You won't escape dressed as a washer woman this time." "CHIEF JUSTICE:" "Preliminary and final hearing." "Put up the prisoner." "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Ah!" "Waha!" "[Handcuffs being latched]" "You are Toad of Toad Hall?" "Yes... uh, sir." "The infamous Toad of Toad Hall?" "I..." "I suppose so." ""Suppose so"?" "Not a good beginning." "Your high lordships, is there a lawyer here to represent me?" "[Crowd murmurs]" "A lawyer?" "When you have... us?" "Oh..." "I'm very happy with your lordships, I'm sure." "[Crowd laughing]" "The prisoner hereby expunges, exterminates, obliterates, and dismisses by his own admission... all rights, privileges, prerogatives, powers, and prerequisites to be represented... and agrees to be interrogated, assessed, tried, considered," "examined, and judged without recourse, eh, Mr. Toad?" "Yes." "[Crowd shouting]" "JUSTICE:" "Bring the list of charges." "Toad of Toad Hall, you will not wish to aggravate your impossible predicament... by wasting the court's time... demanding recital of all 116 charges against you." "It being clearly the case that you're a miscreant, felon, and common criminal." "From whom society must be protected." "Forever and ever." " Amen." " String him up!" "[Crowd shouting]" "CHIEF JUSTICE:" "How do you plead?" "Oh, ever so guilty, your lordship." "CHIEF JUSTICE:" "To all 116 charges?" "Yes." "Yes." "Anything." "It is deplorable that you show no sign of remorse, for we have some power to mitigate." "Some small expression of shame and regret?" "Oh, but I am ashamed, and I do feel regret, not only for those mentioned... but for the others, too." "CHIEF JUSTICE:" "Others?" "I let down Mole, and I may have been the cause... of the death of Rat." "CHIEF JUSTICE:" "Mole?" "Rat?" "Who may they be?" "[Toad sobbing]" "Friends." "Good friends." "I didn't mean to leave Mole to die... or to have Rat fall out of my flying machine." "I can assure your lordships, there is no mention anywhere... of persons called Rat or Mole... nor of the alleged flying machine." "He's no more an aviator than the archangel Gabriel!" "Masquerading as a pilot in order to break and enter... his lordship's property!" "With malice aforethought, in order to vandalize... a rare plant, to wit, a palm tree!" "And, no doubt, with intent to steal my silver!" "But..." "But, Mr. Toad?" "But I am an aviator!" "[Crowd gasps]" "And I have got quite enough silver of my own, thank you very much." "So, do your very worst and go to the devil!" "[Crowd shouting]" "Open... and... shut case." "[Gavel banging]" " Ahem!" " Oh." "What is it?" "Uh, depositions on behalf of the prisoner, your honor." "Uh, two, just for the record." "On my behalf?" "Waste of time, of course, but..." "Pray!" "Ahem..." "From none other than..." "The editor of The Times?" "The thunderer." "The most important man in the kingdom." ""I am apprised by Mr. Badger of Wild Wood," ""a personage of total integrity, of the plight"..." "Blah, blah, blah..." ""and do hereby demand"..." "[Crowd gasps]" "Fellow lordships, what can we do in the face of this?" "Badger." "JUSTICE:" "Who's the other one from?" "CHIEF JUSTICE:" "One Prendergast, formerly our learned colleague's butler." "Prendergast says he will identify the prisoner... as the man who saved the town by his selfless heroism." "He saw him fall by parachute... onto his lordship's conservatory." "You?" "Since he's not here to testify..." "PRENDERGAST:" "Oh, but I am here." "[Crowd murmuring]" "The accused is more than a toad." "He is more than a pilot." "He is the pilot and as generous a personage as I've ever served." "And what is more," "I am prepared to swear that his alleged victim... the chimney sweep, is alive and well... and now working as an underchef in his lordship's kitchen..." "If he is still alive..." "And has taken up with the housekeeper, the widow Coggin." "I'll murder him!" "What can we do?" "Hang him!" "Never mind the facts!" "[Shouting]" "The editor of The Times." "I might never have become lord chief justice." "Release him." "Oh... ha ha ha!" "GRANDMOTHER:" "Weeks passed." "The burgeoning spring... brought preparations for Badger's long... awaited party, along with disturbing news concerning the absent Toad." "WEASEL:" "There's a rumor Toad's been seen in the Wide World..." "BADGER:" "No." "Wandering, dressed in rags!" "BADGER:" "A toad, not our toad." "They say he's barmy." "Hee hee hee!" "The Wide World contains mad beasts in abundance." "That's why sane persons seldom go there." "Hmm..." "[Humming softly]" "BADGER:" "Out, wretch." "[Toad groaning]" "Uh!" "In, wretch." "At last, lord of all you survey..." "Uh!" "O... o... oh." "[Gasping]" "My favorite sofa... that showed off my legs so well." "Oh!" "My silver." "All gone." "Wrack and ruin." "Oh!" "Oh, it's the workhouse now for the peerless... the peerless Toad." "[Sobbing loudly]" "Wine!" "A... corkscrew!" "Biscuits!" "Candle!" "Ah ha ha!" "Oh, joy!" "Oh, welcome home, Toad!" "Ha ha!" "[Classical music playing]" "BADGER:" "Remove that at once." "Not what I call a party." "You shall have your... entertainment... once we've remembered our missing guest." "WEASEL:" "The chief weasel?" "BADGER:" "Fool!" "Our honored missing guest, the lamentable but much lamented Toad." "[Music stops]" "Oh, put on your newfangled tunes." "Fetch me my earplugs." "[Needle scratching record]" "[Lively music playing]" "[Song playing] Wait until the sun shines, Nellie..." "Oh." "I mean, a fellow needs company." "Well... no..." "Nobody wants to drink with Toad." "[Music continues]" "TOAD SINGING:" "Wait till the sun shines, Nellie by... and... by" "Well, it won't shine on Toad again." "[Crash]" "Oh, the beasts!" "Having a jolly time!" "I might have been hanged..." "or worse!" "[Hiccup]" "Oop." "[Needle scratches record]" "BADGER:" "Thank heaven that's over." "May we be a little bit merry, though?" "BADGER:" "You're late, sir." "[Weasel panting]" "BADGER:" "Well, speak up!" "WEASEL:" "T..." "T..." "Toad Hall... u... u... upstairs... all on fire!" " Look!" " Lt's Toad." "He's trapped." "He can't get down." "He's trapped up there." " Fetch a tarpaulin!" " Wait!" "Do nothing rash." " Toad's home?" " And trapped." "And can't get to the grand staircase." "Use the servants stairs." "Wouldn't occur to Toady." "Next to the butler's pantry." "Which we entered before the battle of Toad Hall." "[Together] By way of Badger's secret tunnel." "Jump, Toad!" "TOAD:" "Help!" "[Coughing]" "Armor yourself, Mole." "Flame and smoke... deadly enemies." "We shall prevail!" "Wah!" "Oh!" "Aah!" "Get off!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ouch!" " Jump, Toad, now!" " I can't!" "I can't." "I'd sooner fry." "Now, Toad!" "Now!" "TOAD:" "I shan't fall, Badger." "MOLE:" "Oh, my!" "RAT:" "This way." "[Toad sputtering]" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" " Jump!" " Jump, Toad!" "Can't!" "[Coughing]" "MOLE:" "There he is, Rat!" "TOAD:" "Help!" "Oh, no!" "RAT:" "Come on, Mole." "Death or glory!" "BADGER:" "Impossible creature!" "Jump!" "TOAD:" "No, it's no good!" "Oh, I'm a toad in a hole!" "Oh, good... bye, dear friends!" " 'Tis a far, far better place..." " Look!" "RAT:" "Away you go, Toady." "Wah!" "OTTER:" "Hip, hip!" "CROWD:" "Hooray!" "TOAD:" "Yeow!" "OTTER:" "Hip, hip!" "CROWD:" "Hooray!" "TOAD:" "Yeow!" "OTTER:" "Hip, hip!" "CROWD:" "Hooray!" "TOAD:" "Yeow!" "Give me your arm, old Toad." "TOAD:" "Oh, my lovely house." "MOLE:" "There's always the insurance." "Uh, no!" "No, I've got none." " Why, it's a waste of money." " Tsk tsk tsk." "Oh, ha ha, you know, easy come and easy go..." "And broke." "Ha ha." "No home." "No... no hope." "I've been keeping this for you." "What?" "A solicitor's letter!" "Oh, more trouble!" "Oh, you read it, Ratty." "I've not got the heart." "Debtors prison for Toad, sewing mailbags." " I say, Toad..." " Or deported to the tropics." "Paid out in agony:" "Botulism, beriberi, eaten alive by ants!" "RAT:" "Toad?" "Toad?" "No, don't try to console me, Ratty." "You see before you the erstwhile legendary Toad... now broken beyond repair." "[Sobbing]" "RAT:" "Your American cousin, Uffo, has died." "You are his heir." "He's left you $5 million." "TOAD:" "What?" "Give me that!" "Five mil... it's true!" "Ha!" "Whoopee!" "Ha ha ha!" "Five million!" "Ha ha ha!" "Whoo... hoo... hoo!" "Five million!" "Ha ha ha!" "Five mil..." "Ha ha ha!" "Hoo hoo hoo!" "Whoo... hoo... hoo!" "Ha ha ha!" "Wah!" "GRANDMOTHER:" "And so, until the first sun of springtime fully arose... and Mole and Ratty went fishing in Rat's little blue boat," "Toad was paraded... while his lovely home collapsed into ashes." "And to think that Toad Hall, that beautiful, noble house, existed no more." "The Riverbankers thought this was very, very sad." "Toad disagreed, of course." ""Pish!" "Tosh!" he said." ""Give me the new anytime in any case, you fellows." ""Everything good has to come to an end."" "Even lovely stories." "Come along, you two." "We have to get back." "EDWARD:" "But what about Ratty and Moly?" "RAT:" "The river's never failed... to talk to me, in all her moods, in good times and bad times." "Even in the warm, lazy calm of summer, when I've tired of her... and wanted the shade of trees... or the hum and buzz... of secluded places, she was always waiting." ""Talk to me," she'd say..." ""and you shall be answered."" "MOLE:" "But I am Mole, and I'm not dead, but I'm cold and hungry, and I want cheese on toast and a glass of hot toddy." "BADGER:" "Give me your arm, old Toad." "TOAD:" "I'll rebuild!" "Best Carrara marble, chef from Paris, pastry cook from Vienna, and I'll throw a beano for all you good chaps!" "Hey, I might even invite the Prince of Wales!" "[Singing] I'm famous, intrepid let poets write odes to the daring and best of the highest of toads" "{{{ the end }}}"