" What's the matter with you?" " I haven't got my air legs yet." "Oh, nonsense, the trip down here was beautiful." "And here we are in beautiful Mexico City." "The land of sunshine and good fellowship." "And the land of beautiful señoritas." " Yes, and those good old hot tamales." " Ha-ha-ha-ha!" "Whew." "Get me out of here." "To the Hotel El Matador, please." "Well, at last we've got a whole cab all to ourselves." "Yes, sir, it was worthwhile waiting for." "You know, we should have taken this cab in the first place." "Then we wouldn't have any..." "Thank you, gentlemen." " How much, my good man?" " Dos pesos." "Dos pesos." "Stanley, get the book." "You'll find it in the D's." "Dees, dems, dose..." "Dos pesos." "Why, that's two dollars." " That's what I've been trying to tell you." " Thank you." " Pay him, Stanley." " Why didn't you say so in the first place?" "Give this to Mr. Coleman as soon as you see him." "Rush it." "Thanks, I'll rush it to him." " Anything for me, handsome?" " No, Miss Blake." "The afternoon mail won't be in for half an hour." " Oh." "Well, I'll be back by then." " Good morning, gentlemen." " Good morning." "Have you a reservation for Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy?" "Indeed I have, sir." " Welcome to Mexico City." " Thank you." " Got a room for Mr. McCoy?" " Yes, sir." " He's forging my name." " Shh." "I'm sorry, sir, but I require your address." "Golly, I can't write." "Thanks, partner." "Take this gentleman to 410, please." " Here on pleasure?" " Pleasure and business." "Oh, I see." "Something very confidential." "We're looking for a girl by the name of Hattie Blake." " Better known as Larceny Nell." " What?" "I say, we are looking for a girl by the name of Hattie Blake..." "Oh, shut up." " Is that so?" " Yes, sir." "Gentlemen, she just left the hotel, but she'll be back very shortly." "We'll hang around the lobby." "When you see her come in, will you give us the eye?" "Anything to help John Law." " Thank you." " Boy, take those bags up to 418, please." " And will you take these coats also?" " Yes, sir." "I wish the convention was over, so I could get out of this rented suit." "You hurry up and get your shopping done." "All right." "Don't you forget to memorize your speech." " I won't." "Don't forget them lovebirds." " All right, babykins." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." ""Fellow Bricklayers, having been called upon by the president of our local to make a few remarks regarding our honorable profession I know that you guys like myself having gone past the fourth grade in school, will understand my sentiments." "And I take great pleasure in..."" "Pardon me, my good man, but would you move over a trifle, please?" "Thank you." ""Fellow Bricklayers, having..."" "I'm terribly sorry, but accidents will happen." ""Fellow Bricklayers, having been called upon by the president of our local to make a few remarks regarding our profession..."" ""Fellow Bricklayers, having been called upon by the president of our local to make a few remarks regarding our honorable profession..."" ""Fellow Bricklayers, having been called upon by the president of our local..."" ""Fellow Bricklayers, having been called upon..."" ""Fellow Bricklayers, having been called upon by the president of our local to make a few remarks regarding our honorable profession I know that you guys like myself having gone past the fourth grade in school will understand my sentiments, and I take great pleasure in..."" "Gentlemen!" "What's going on here?" "Who started this?" " He did." " He did." "I'm sitting, learning my speech..." " What were you doing?" " I was minding my own business." "I was sitting here, and I turned that like that." "Just to see what would happen." " Oh, so you did it." " I didn't." "Come here." "Stand right there." " Will you hold him there?" " With pleasure." "Thank you." "Don't let him move." "Who is the dancer?" "She is most wonderful in all the world." "My little Conchita." "And who is going to fix it so I work at the Café of the Bullfighters and be big success?" "I am." "Come in." "Excuse me, Mr. Muldoon, but Hotshot Coleman is here." "Okay, send him in." "Well, well, Richard K. What's the good word?" "Everything in the palm of the hand." "What's new with you?" "Hello, Gump." "Meet Señorita Conchita." " Mucho gusto." " The pleasure is mutual." "I have Don Sebastian photos from Spain." "Those will do for the billboards and papers." "Fine, Hotshot." "You and I should clean up..." " a basketful on this promotion." " That's a cinch." "What are trying to give me, Hotshot?" "What's the gag?" "Those are the pictures I promised you, RK." "Don Sebastian, the world's greatest bullfighter." "You're nuts, Hotshot." "This guy's from Peoria, Illinois." "I know him, and I've got good cause to remember him." "You're nuts." "He's never been out of Spain." "It's his first trip to Mexico." "Show him the envelope the pictures came in." "Look here." "Look at that:" "Spanish stamps." "It's inconceivable that there could be two faces like that." " But you're convinced, huh?" " See, here's the photographer's name El Toro Studio, Barcelona, Spain." "I'd swear it was that little guy in Peoria." "Oh, what's Peoria got to do with it?" "What difference would it make if he did come from Peoria?" " What difference does it make?" " What difference does it make?" "Look, you better go back to the nightclub and practice dancing." "I'll meet you for dinner." "And don't you worry about not being a big hit." "I'll shoot anyone who doesn't like you." "Okay, kid." "Let's see, where were we?" " Peoria." " Peoria." " Peoria!" " Yeah." "Listen, Hotshot, eight years ago in Peoria..." " Yeah?" "...two private detectives..." "Mr. Laurel I want you to think very carefully before answering my next question." "Are you positive that this is the man you identify as the one who committed the crime?" "It is quite important that you answer my question without prejudice." "Are you positive?" "I'm positive that I'm absolutely positive." " Order in the court." " I'm sorry, Your Honor but I'm positively more positive than he is positive." "Sit down, Mr. Hardy." "Your Honor that makes it doubly conclusive." "That closes the case." "Gentlemen of the jury I leave the matter entirely in your hands." "You've heard the evidence the arguments by counsel and last witness in rebuttal." "You may now retire." " Your Honor, we've reached our verdict." " Guilty!" "You've convicted an innocent man!" "I sentence you to 20 years, hard labor." "I'm innocent, Your Honor, I'm innocent!" "I'll get you two guys if it's the last thing I ever do." " Ha-ha-ha-ha..." " Ha!" "So you served 20 years at hard labor, huh?" "No." "After five years, the guilty man confessed." "I was released." "But I lost everything." "The lawyers took my fortune my wife divorced me my home was broken up." "Everything." "Those two bloodhounds ruined my life." "I had to flee to Mexico to start life anew." "But someday, I'll run across them again and when I do I'm going to skin them alive." " Uh-huh." "First, the little one then the big one." " I'm going to skin them alive." " Take it easy, Richard K." "Oh, there is the great Don Sebastian." "Don't sit there, our other clothes are not dry yet." "My hero." "Come on, snap out of it." "Wipe your mouth." "My key, please." "Look, Sebastian is here." " Now pull yourself together." " Welcome to Mexico City." " Thank you." " And to you too, sir." " Thank you, sir." " When did you arrive?" " We got in this morning." " Why didn't you let me know?" " What for?" " What for?" "I've got you billed over this town." "Don Sebastian, the greatest bullfighter in the world from Barcelona, Spain." "I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir." "I'm Mr. Hardy, and this is my good friend, Mr. Laurel." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" "Do you mean you're not Don Sebastian, the great bullfighter from Barcelona?" "Why no, sir, we've never been in Barcelona in our lives." " No?" " We come from Peoria." "Peoria." "Oh..." "Ever run across a fellow by the name of Richard K. Muldoon?" "Richard K..." "Oh, why of course." "I sent him to prison for 20 year." "Really?" " Yes, sir." " You sent him to prison?" "I was the one that sent him to prison." "I..." "I beg your pardon, sir, but why do you ask?" "Well, I'm in business with him." " I left his office not over an hour ago." " An hour ago?" "Well, how did he get out of prison so soon?" "After five years, they found he was innocent." "The real guy confessed." " Innocent?" " That's right." "Gee, that's terrible." "Maybe you better go apologize." "That's an awful thing to do to." "I better go and apologize?" "Why, you were the one that so falsely accused him." "Why, if you had a spark of manhood left in your system you'd go right over and apologize to Mr. Muldoon." " I'll do that..." " Just a minute." "If you'll take my tip you'll never cross his path because he said he was gonna skin you both alive." "Now, if you're smart you'll get out of town because he said, "First the little one then the big one I'll skin them both alive."" " Thanks for the information." " Good day, gentlemen." " Good day." " Goodbye." "Sit down." "Over here." "Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into." " You know what?" " What?" "We'd better find Larceny Nell and get back to Peoria as fast as we can." "I guess you're right." "We certainly don't want to be skinned alive." "I should say not." "I don't want to walk around in my bones rattling all over the place." "I didn't think it was possible there was another face like that in all the world." " I wish you good luck, señor." " Thank you." "We need it." "You know, that girl's face is kind of familiar to me." "Oh, nonsense." "She's probably some dame that thinks that you're the bullfighter." "No, I've seen her somewhere before." "Psst!" "She's at the cocktail bar." "Atlantic City." " Come on." " Where are you going?" " I've found Larceny Nell." " Where is she?" "She shook hands a moment ago, and you didn't even recognize her." "Come on." "Won't you join me in a drink, Don Sebastian?" "Madam, he's not a bullfighter." "We're detectives and you're under arrest." "You can't arrest me." "I'm on Mexican territory." "You can't touch me." "We can't, huh?" "We have the papers." " What papers?" " The extradition papers." " Are you kidding?" " Kidding?" " So, what?" " You give me back those papers." " Try and get them." " I certainly..." "Papers or no papers, you're coming with us." "Get the handcuffs." " Get the handcuffs, Stanley." " Get your hands off of me." "Take your hands off of me." " Get the handcuffs, quick." " Let me go." "I'll not." "Come on, Stanley, help me." " Here." " Let me go." "Madam, you might as well come along quietly." "Ooo!" "No, no, Stanley." "You can't hit a lady." "She's no lady." "I'm not, huh?" "Now, you're coming with us or else." "Boss, I got a telegram for you." "It's important." " How long have you been carrying this?" " About three hours." "We're behind the eight ball, it ain't transparent." "Don Sebastian's passport's been held up." " You mean he ain't coming?" " Not exactly, but I need him here now." "Boss, I got an idea." " So have I." " It wasn't my fault." "It wasn't your fault?" "I had the dame right in my hand, and you had to mess it up." "I'm happy to meet you again so soon." "I'm having a difficulty, and you can do me a favor for which I'm prepared to pay you." "I'm sorry, but we're not interested." "We have to pack." "We're leaving the city." " Yeah, but this is..." " I'm sorry." " I wonder what he wanted." " I don't care what he wanted." "We're gonna pack and get out of here." "We're going to stay as far away from that guy as we can." " Why?" " Because he and Muldoon are like that." "Come in." "Pardon me, gentlemen." " May I use your phone?" " Yeah, help yourself." "Get me Richard K. Muldoon." "Just what was the proposition you had in the hall?" "Remember this morning when I mistook Mr. Laurel for Don Sebastian?" " Yes." " By a strange coincidence Mr. Laurel is the living image of Don Sebastian from Barcelona." "But unfortunately, Don Sebastian has been held up by passport trouble." "So as a great favor to me and for which, I am prepared to pay you very handsomely I want you to impersonate him." "I'm not gonna fight any bulls." " What do you think I...?" " Get me Richard K. Muldoon." "I don't want to fight any bulls." "I don't like bulls." " I'm allergic to bulls." " Listen Don Sebastian will certainly be here for the big bullfight." "I don't have to fight any bulls?" "Absolutely not." "All I want you to do is impersonate him, meet the press have your pictures taken, meet all the ladies, be seen in public places." "I'm taking you out tonight and show you a good time." " And we get paid for that?" " Definitely." "But suppose we run across this Mr. Muldoon?" "Oh, leave him to me." "He won't know me with these clothes?" "No." "You listen." "I'm having my tailor, Señor Guttenberg, come up here and attire you in the costume usually worn by bullfighters." "When he gets through with you Mr. Muldoon can look you in the eye and skin you alive..." "I mean, he'll swear you're someone from Peoria..." "Barcelona, Spain." " It's a deal." " Thank you, sir." " Adiós." "Hasta la vista." " Adiós." " Do you think it's all right?" " Of course it's all right." "We'll have a good time and pick up a few pesos." " Señor Hotshot." " Luis." " And a very distinguished guest." " You recognize Don Sebastian?" "But who could fail?" "His face is on every billboard in Mexico City." " Nice table, Luis." " The best in the house." "Señorita Tangerine, Don Sebastian." "Ah, my hero." "That's what I call hospitality." "Remember your dignity." "Steady now." "Sí." "Señores y señoritas, it is my pleasure to announce that we have with us tonight, direct from Barcelona the great Don Sebastian." "Now, take a bow." "No, get on your feet, take off your hat." "Take a big bow." " Have you got a match?" " Sure." "No." "Well, light this." "Hey, boss, Muldoon's on his way in." "Muldoon?" "Sit down, he won't recognize you, but don't speak English." "Ah, Hotshot." " How are you?" " Richard K., meet Don Sebastian." " How do you do?" " Sí." " Sit here, you'll see the show better." " Oh, thanks." "You know, it's a lucky thing for you, I know you really are Don Sebastian because if you weren't, but the guy you remind me of, I'd skin you alive." "But then you wouldn't know what I'm talking about." "Ha-ha-ha!" "Oh, I beg your pardon." "Well, this fellow that looked like you had a friend, a human hippopotamus." "Why, if I had that mass of blubber here right now I'd crush him alive." "Like this." "Señores y señoras, now we present the original Latin bombshell Conchita." "Muchas gracias." "Marvelous, Conchita, marvelous." "Oh, may I present Don Sebastian." "Señorita Conchita." " Mucho gusto." " Sí." "Take a bow." "Not a big one." "Oh, mi muchachito, come." "I'm going to teach you how to do the rhumba." "Some other time." "I'm talking business with Don Sebastian and Hotshot." "Oh, no, no, no." "You come right now, come on." "I'm only gonna to teach you two steps of conga, okay?" "Now, with your left foot, you will cover three steps to the left and then you kick to the fourth." "Okay, watch." "One, two, three kick." "One, two, three kick." "Oh, it's very simple." "Come on, let's try it now." "One, two, three kick." "One, two, three kick." "Oh, that's wonderful." "Come on, everybody." "Now, the second one." "The second one, you kick." "You walk just about the same, only you kick a little bit different, like this, watch." "One, two, back, kick." "One, two, back, kick." "All right, come on." "Attaboy." "Now let's try the fourth one." "Goes like this, watch." "One, two, down." "One, two, down." "Oh, you're doing fine." "You're a brave boy." "Now, one, two, down, up." "One, two..." "There's a strange mule in my stall." "Take that mask off." "Go on, go on, get out of here." "You better go back." "Come on, man." " I'm terribly sorry." " The pleasure's mutual." "It's all right." "Most embarrassing." "Lucky for me, I got two pairs of pants with this suit." " You can't beat Señor Guttenberg." " A telephone call for you, Don Sebastian." "Sí." "Is this you, Stan?" "Sí, señora." "Hello, hello." " lf he's bullfighter, I'm Mickey Mouse." " He's a cute little person." "Another call for you." "Sí." " Who is this?" " This is me." "Sí." "Hello, hello." "That reminds me." "I must talk to the committee." "Luis." " Bring me the telephone." " I'm very sorry, it is busy but you can use the one in the booth." " Will you pardon me?" " Careful, your pants." "Oh, thanks." "Thanks for the lovely time, Mr. Potshot." "Hotshot." " Well, I've got to be going." "You see..." " Where are you going?" " I got to meet Ollie..." " You're going nowhere." "We haven't set this deal yet." "Sit still and enjoy yourself and don't speak English." " Sí." "Potshot." "I thought you said it was Hotshot." " Another call for you." " Hello." " Hello, Stan, this is Ollie." " Where are you?" "I'm in the telephone booth." "You'd better get out of there." "Muldoon's on his way over to make a call." "Oh!" "Oh, oh!" "Muldoon must have got him." "Come on." "What happened?" "Get to the hotel." "I'll see you later." "Go on." "Beat it." " I'll sure be glad to get out of here." " So will I." "As soon as Mr. Hotfoot comes with the money we'll be on our way." "His name is not Hotfoot, it's Hotshot." "Come in." " Well, good morning, gentlemen." " Good morning." "You're not preparing to leave, are you?" "We certainly are." "After that experience last night we don't want to run into Mr. Muldoon again." " Why?" "Nothing happened." " Yeah, but it was a very close shave." "I have some bad news." "I'm in a terrible spot." "I received a telegram, Don Sebastian's passport has been held indefinitely and he can't arrive in time for the big fight." " So what?" " So what!" "I've signed a contract, accepted a check in advance, you've been advertised." "Last night, you were seen as Don Sebastian." "So from now on, you are Don Sebastian, and you have to go through with it." " You mean you want me to fight a bull?" " Exactly." " That boy can't fight any bull." " Listen, there's nothing to it." "I'll get you an old, contented, blind bull." "Old, blind or contented, I won't do it." " I don't blame you, Stanley." " Thank you, Ollie." " Gentlemen, can I use your telephone?" " Help yourself." "Me fight a blind, contented bull." "Get me Richard K. Muldoon." "Operator." "Oh..." "Gump!" " What is it, boss?" " Get Muldoon." "Stanley on second thought, I think you'd better consider this." "What do you mean consider?" " Don't jump at conclusions." " Who's jumping?" "And don't make hasty decisions." "Don't be so selfish." "Think of me once in a while." "At least you can do this for my sake." "For your sake?" "You don't wanna see me skinned alive, do you?" "Listen, you have only one alternative." "Either honor and glory as thousands cheer or slow death by my good friend Muldoon." "What do you say?" "I don't know, but I think I'm hooked." " Who's there?" " Muldoon." "And..." " Well, come in, Richard K." " Hi, Hotshot." "Hello, Sebastian." "Well, now..." "I have good news for you." "This week, we have the finest bulls in years." " Really?" " Here's the committee selection." "A big, fine, black, courageous one." "No, no, no." "This one." "Big fighter, so quick that he turns his tail around on a peso." " There's a beautiful animal." " Fine bull." " Last Sunday, he killed three matadors." " Three, mind you." " What about the blind and contented one?" " Blind and contented?" "That's a breed of bulls they have in Barcelona, Spain." "Leave the pictures and I'll make our selections." "You can't go wrong." "Those bulls are killer and worthy of your fine technique." "You said it, kid." "Take Don Sebastian out to the bull farm and let him make his own selection." " Good idea." "I'll call you later." " Fine, adiós." " Adiós." " Adiós." " Come along, Conchita." " No, no, no, come on this way." " I beg your pardon." "Adiós." " Adiós." "Help!" "Blind and contented bulls." "I ought to..." "Here are Señor Muldoon's finest bulls." "This is my son, Pancho." "He's gonna be a great bullfighter someday." "You hear that?" "Even the little kid isn't afraid of the bulls." " How do you know he's not afraid?" " I'll ask him." " You aren't afraid of the bulls?" " Sí, señor." "He said, "Yes."" " He said, "Yes," he wasn't, right?" " No, señor." " You see." " Here's a fine bull." "He comes from a very fine family." "His name is Little Caesar." " Little Caesar." " His brother Big Caesar killed a matador last week." " Killed?" "Sí, one slip of the foot, too slow in the wrist, it's all over." " Where is Big Caesar now?" " He's inside, come, I'll show you." "This way, señor." "Now cut that out." "Oh, come on." "You have seen all the bulls on the farm except these two." "Now you see?" "There..." "Come here." "There's nothing to be afraid of." "This one here, he's loco." "He's a killer." " Well, how about this one down here?" " He's gentle, he's kind, he's contented." "Are you sure of that?" "They call him a gentleman cow." "There you see?" "Gentle, kind and contented." "I'm not gonna fight that bull, Ollie." "Listen, you heard what the man said." "They're gentle, kind and contented." " Why, that bull wouldn't hurt a fly." " Yeah, but I'm not a fly." "Stop, come back with my wagon." "Stanley, stop it." "Look out for that tree." "Come here." "Get that thing off of me and take it easy." " Come on." " Where are you going?" "Thanks to you, I've got to see Señor Guttenberg." "There you are." "I wish we'd never met that Mr. Shotfoot." "Now, don't worry." "Remember, every cloud has a silver lining and look at the money we're gonna get." " How much?" " Mr. Hotshot gave me his word of honor that we'd get half of what he gets." "Well, well, well, wonderful." "You look like a million dollars." "You ought to see the greatest crowd in Mexico City's history." "I wish I had half of that gate." " Is that all we're going to get?" " What?" "A piece of gate." "Probably carelessness." " I'm not going to do it, I'll tell you." " Come here, brother." "This is what you need." "Take a shot of this, it'll give you courage." "There you are." "That settles it." " Beat it." "Here's Muldoon." " Muldoon." "Muldoon." " Come in, Richard K." " Hi, Don Sebastian." "Just dropped in to wish you good luck and brought a present for you I thought you might like." "This sword belonged to Jose Acapulco, the greatest toreador in Mexico." "Why, with this sword, you could almost skin a bull alive." " Thanks." " How well I remember Jose Acapulco." "He was graceful like a dancer." "This is the way he makes his kill." "Listen to that crowd roar." "Let us drink to your success." "Don Sebastian, today you are going to make bullfighting history." "Salud!" "Good luck." "Come, Conchita, Hotshot, let's get to our seats." "Good luck and take it easy." "Put that down." "You can't drink that stuff when we've got work to do." " I feel faint." " Well, I'll get you some smelling salts." "Now, don't faint until I come back." " Gracias, señor." " Gracias." " Who is that guy?" " Why, that's Don Sebastian." "Don Sebastian?" "You're crazy, he's in his dressing room." "Oh, you're crazy, I just picked him up at the airport." "Skin him alive." "I come to wish you luck." "Put that down." "See what that stuff is doing?" "You're double talking." "Come on, the crowd's waiting." "Now, get out there and stay out of the way of the bull." "Ooo!" "This guy's terrific." "Let me congratulate you." "Knew you'd like him." " Say, Ollie." " What?" " You know what?" " What?" "I've decided that I'm not gonna fight any bull." "Get back in that ring." "Now go ahead out there and fight that bull." "Go on." " What are you trying to give me?" " What?" " That's Hardy, the flatfoot from Peoria." " Oh, no." "The other guy is Laurel." "They sent me up for 20 years." " Now, Richard K, control yourself." " Control myself, you..." " Turn the bulls loose." " Turn the bulls loose." "Hey, Stan, come on, let's get out of here." "Come on, Stan, I think..." "Hey, Stan, let's get out of here, Muldoon." "Pardon me, señoritas." "Sure was clever the way you gave Muldoon the slip." "Thank you, Stanley." "Now always remember any time you get in trouble you can depend upon me." " Thank you, Ollie." "Get our overcoats and we'll sneak down the fire escape." "Now there's another clever idea." " He'll never expect us to go that way." " No." "You sure are full of ideas, Ollie." "First, the little one then the big one." "Take your clothes off." " Thank you, Ollie." " You're welcome." "Oh, don't get that dirty." "Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into." "Well, I couldn't help it." "Come on, let's get back to Peoria where we belong."