"Mr Herriot!" "Mr Herriot!" "Mr Herriot!" "Mr Herriot!" "Oh, hello, Mr Partridge." " Could you spare a moment?" "Yes, of course." "How good of you." "Are you terribly busy?" "No." "What's the trouble?" " Percy." "If you could spare a moment to look at him?" "Here's Mr Herriot to see you, Percy." "Come and show yourself, there's a good boy!" "Hello, Percy." "Hello." "There's a good dog." "All right." "That's good." "Well?" " He seems pretty bright, Mr Partridge." "He's not sick, is he?" " No, no, he's perfectly well in himself." "But look carefully and see if you notice anything." "I can't see anything unusual." "What seems to be wrong, Mr Partridge?" "Watch as he walks across the floor to me." "Come to me, Percy." "Oh, dear, he's such a lazy boy!" "Now, come and do a little walk for Mr Herriot, Percy." "There's a good boy." "There we are." "That's it!" "Sorry, I don't quite see what you mean." "Well, watch again." "It's...at his back end." "Come on, Percy." "Ah, now, yes." "Now, wait a minute." "Would you pick him up, please?" "There's my boy!" "There you are." "Yes, one of his testicles is slightly enlarged." "Yes, quite." "That's what I thought." "Hang on to him for a moment." "It's all right, Percy." "Hold tight." "Yes, one's definitely bigger." "Harder, too." "is it anything serious?" "Tumours of the testicles in dogs aren't uncommon." "Tumour, Mr Herriot!" "That's a growth, isn't it?" "Yes, but not all of them are malignant." "You just keep an eye on him." "And you mustn't worry." "Let me know at once if it gets bigger." "Oh, yes, I will." "Of course I will." "Down you go, my boy." "In your basket." "Stay!" "Oh, I really am most grateful." "No, it isn't that. lt's just that..." "Well, they are a bit beyond me, I'm afraid." "Oh, no!" "This one isn't." "By Jove, what a super painting!" "What I mean is, it's something I can understand." "It's not one of yours, though, is it?" "Yes, as a matter of fact." "A very early work." "Well, it's terrific!" "Purely an academic exercise, Mr Herriot." "I may be old-fashioned but I believe an artist should master the naturalistic forms before...venturing forth." "I'm sure many people would disagree with me." "I don't know much about that but I do know I like this painting." "You like what you know, Mr Herriot." "There's no sin in that." "Have you many more like it?" "Oh, nothing more." " Oh, you sell them?" "Oh, dear me, no." "Nobody ever buys my paintings." "Well, hardly ever." "What on earth do you do with them?" " Times aren't easy." "The cost of materials goes up." "This one, for instance." "The canvas is perfectly good." "I shall rub it down, prime it and use it for another painting." "Oh, no, you mustn't do that." " Needs must, I fear." "But I want it. I'll buy it!" "I wouldn't dream of it." "If you want it, take it." "As a fee for examining Percy." "No, I am buying, Mr Partridge." "How much?" "Oh, dear." "What can I say?" "How about the price of a new canvas?" "Well, how much is that?" "Half a guinea." "Sold!" "It's lovely, James." "Of course, I speak as a vet and a Philistine, but I thought it admirable, James." "Look how he's caught the stifle." "That's not easy." "I didn't know Darrowby had an artist." " Darrowby doesn't care." "If Partridge had been a horseman or a cricketer, that would have been different." "All the same, he is a bit of a mystery." "Roly's no mystery, Mr Farnon." "He's same as t'rest of us." "His dad farmed at Broughton, and he went to school with Bert Hardisty." "He's got a screw loose, that's all." " Screw loose?" "What else can you call it?" "The minute his dad died he sells t'farm, goes to London, goes to some college to learn to draw." "Who ever heard of such a thing?" "We don't see hair nor hide for five years." "Then back he comes, buys t'cottage." "Been there ever since." "Painting rubbish!" "I don't call this rubbish, Mrs Hall." "Aye." "Well...it looks like a horse, Mr Herriot. I'll grant you that." "I'll have your lunch in five minutes." " Thank you, Mrs Hall." "Which only goes to prove what I was saying." "Profit is not without honour?" " Roughly." "I admire him." "It takes courage to do what you want, just because you believe in it." "Absolutely right, darling." "I'll get it framed this afternoon." "Just a plain, simple one, I think." "It'll go well above the fireplace upstairs." " Rather!" "It'll cost more than the picture." " Nothing but the best for a Partridge!" "James, have you got anything on this afternoon?" "No." " Do you know Bill Ogilvie?" "Rich old boy?" " He wants me there, three o'clock sharp." "Very secretive." "Special surprise." "Do you want to come?" " l'm all for surprises." "Yes." "How do, Mr Farnon?" "Hello, Mr Ogilvie. I hope you don't mind my bringing Mr Herriot with me." "Not a bit. I'm glad you could make it." " Hello." "What's all this about?" "You made it sound very intriguing." "Well, I wanted to whet your appetite." "I don't think you'll be disappointed." "Right, lads." "Bring him out." "Good Lord, what've you got there?" "I thought you might be a bit surprised." "Do you know the breed?" "Well, he's a fine fellow, isn't he, James?" "What do you call that?" "Friesian?" "You guessed right, lad." "A Dutch Friesian." "What the heck's that thing, Billy boy?" "Mr blooming Rudd!" "Well, why don't you come in and see?" "He always turns up like a bad penny." "By gum!" "Just look at that thing!" "Aye, look at him, Charlie." "Comes from t'border between Holland and Germany." "Paid a lot of brass." " Germany?" "Who wants Jerry bulls mixing with decent British cattle, I'd like to know?" "How are you, Mr Rudd?" "I hardly think cattle come into politics." "Mr Farnon, I read it in t'paper only the other day." "That there Hitler's breeding humans now." "He's got special farms, full of healthy maidens and young fellas playing stud." "Creating a master race, he calls it!" "Downright disgusting, I call it." "So would I." "But when it comes to stock breeding, I agree with Ogilvie." "Nothing beats new blood of the right kind." "Doesn't matter where it comes from." "Now, come on, Mr Rudd." "Admit this is a fine beast." "Ought to cross well with your shorthorns, Mr Ogilvie." "Improve their yield by about 150 gallons." "Aye, they say they make a good cross." "Very hardy stock, big milk yield." "Just propaganda!" " You're daft, Charlie!" "I may be daft but I'm not unpatriotic like some I might mention." "Keep that brute to yourself, Billy boy." "I don't want him wandering on my land." "Don't you worry, lad." "You'll get no free serving from me." "Have you got his pedigree, Mr Ogilvie?" " l have." "Long as your arm, all in German." "But I had his name translated." "Pride of Wittenstein." "That's a resounding name." "If you're thinking of starting a new dynasty with him, you ought to get his portrait painted." "What did you say, young man?" "His portrait." "Common practice among important breeders." "I might know just the chap." "When's your Labrador due to whelp?" " Wendy?" "Oh, another three weeks." "Well, don't forget." "Any problems, one of us is always on duty, Mrs Farmer." "Oh, I won't." "Wendy's such a big girl, and when one's on one's own, as I am these days, it's a comfort to know there's always help at hand." "That's what we're here for." "It's quite absurd." " What is?" "You look so young to be a vet, Mr Farnon." "I wouldn't say that." " l didn't mean it in a disparaging way." "It's marvellous, watching you." "So assured, so professional." "But you are young." "Calling you Mr Farnon, oh, I don't know, it sounds so awfully formal." "Well..." "Call me Tristan." "Tristan?" "is that really your name?" "It's pretty silly." " No, it isn't. lt's absolute bliss." "I wish my name was Isolde." "Isn't it?" " No, just plain Angela, I'm afraid." "There's nothing plain about it." "It's very pretty." "If you're calling me Tristan, I must call you Angela." "Oh, that's much better." " Right." "Angela." "One inoculation coming up for one Jack Russell." "Steady, old lad, it won't hurt." "If you could just get a firm hold of him." " Yes." "Oh, like that?" " He's much quieter in my arms." "Right, here goes, then." "Ow!" " Oh, my God!" "What on earth's going on?" "Mrs Farmer, are you all right?" "I don't know." " What have you done?" "It was an accident." " lt always is!" "What sort is it this time?" "I've injected Mrs Farmer." "Have you, by Jove?" "Lord alive!" "What for?" "Distemper and hardpad." "I am most dreadfully sorry." "Does it hurt?" " Just a little uncomfortable." "Look here..." "Just do this, very hard." "It'll disperse the injection." " ls it dangerous?" "Lord, no, not a bit." "The worst you can expect is a dewy nose and nice soft feet." "But a shock, I suppose." "Better come and have a drink." "Oh, please, don't blame your brother." "It was entirely my fault." "That's very, very nice of you." "Come along." "You look as if you could do with one, too." "Bring Tizer with you." "We'll deal with him later." "Now, Mrs Farmer, what I prescribe for you is a large glass..." "Come on." "Lots of well-known painters financed their real work with commissions, and very often for jobs they didn't really want to do." "Society portraits and so on." "Oh, yes, indeed." "You're absolutely right, of course." "You'd be doing the same thing, only animals instead of people." "You make it sound so easy, Mr Herriot." "Well, for you, Mr Partridge, it would be easy." "Oh, I don't know, I really don't know. I'm perfectly happy working here by myself." "To venture forth, as you suggest..." "Are you sure Mr Ogilvie wants a painting of his bull?" "No question about it." "Once it had sunk in, he couldn't leave it alone." "He thought it a super idea." "There's no doubt a little extra money would be most useful but... I'm so impractical. I wouldn't have the vaguest idea what to charge him, and I wouldn't dare ask him." "Between ourselves, how much would you say?" "Five pounds?" "No, that wouldn't do at all, Mr Partridge." "No." "No, I do see five pounds would be excessive." "I didn't say that." "Like all good Yorkshire farmers, he's careful with his money." "But he's rich. lf you undervalue your work, he'll think it can't be much good." "Did you say undervalue?" " Yes." "Once Mr Farnon and I had roused his enthusiasm, he wanted to know the cost." "We suggested you might be prepared to accept the commission for, um... £30?" "And he turned it down on the spot!" " Not a bit of it." "He said if you were as good as we claim, it was a very reasonable price." "Thirty?" "I can't believe it." "I really can't believe it." "Yes, it's a very useful sum." "Buy you lots of materials." "Paint and canvas and so on." "But you should strike while the iron's hot." "So, if you'd let me run you up there tomorrow?" "You'd come with me?" " Yes, I'd like to." "Oh, that's all I ask!" "A little moral support." "Oh, please, do sit down." "Oh, isn't this wonderful, Percy!" "Fool!" "Miserable fool!" "Hideous idiot!" "Poor, simple Tristan Farnon!" " Something wrong, old chap?" "Why did you creep in in that slimy way?" "I wasn't creeping. I sort of breezed in." "You're chatting away like a mental case..." "Oh, I know, I know. lt's not your fault, James. I am a mental case." "What's the matter, Tris?" " Yesterday." "I didn't sleep a wink thinking about it." "My toes curl every time I remember." "Ah, yes." "The merry widow." "You certainly seem to have made your mark there!" "That was cruel, James." " Yes." "Sorry." "How can you make so light of it?" " lt didn't happen to me, did it?" "After all, when you think about it!" "Didn't you laugh enough last night?" "Yes, you took it jolly well." "But it was funny." "Hilarious." "Come on, Tris, she said it was her fault." "That's not the point." "We were getting on so well." "She thought I was the cat's whiskers." "Oh, I see." "Like that?" "She is a very attractive woman." "It happened, why deny it?" "I was scared out of my mind." "If Siegfried hadn't taken command..." " lt was lucky he did." "Well, it was." "She was far too busy getting over the shock to worry about you." "You really think so?" " Oh, certain." "Women are odd creatures." "You were a fool in your own eyes, not hers." "How could she have missed..." " impact." "The unexpected bonds you." "That's how she'll see it." "You take my word." "Good Lord!" " Might not be a bad thing, either." "Too many giggling nurses in your life." "You need the older woman's touch." "It's easy to say." "I wouldn't know where to begin." "Well, her temperature's normal." "Hmm." "And we know that the lung's clear." "Yes. lt's the throat, Mr Rudd." "What's wrong with her throat?" " An enlarged gland." "She may be starting an abscess in there." "If so, there's no point in taking any chances." "Foment the area behind the angle of the jaw three times a day, and I'll give you a salve to rub in." "If it is an abscess, we may be able to burst it quickly that way." "If you say so, young man." " l'll give her a shot to help things along." "Maurice, slip this round her neck, will you?" "Thank you." "She's a fine looking cow, Mr Rudd." "A real picture." "I didn't know you had dairy shorthorns." "I don't go round shouting the odds like some." "She's a seven-galloner when she gets going." "Top butterfat, too." " Have you had her long?" "No, I bought her off Weldons of Cranby." "Picked her out myself." " You did well." "Right. lf you could just hold her head steady, Mr Rudd." "Quiet, Strawberry, lass." "Tighten the choke, Maurice, please." "Put your weight against her." "I don't want her rounding on me when this needle goes in her vein." "Yes, lovely." "That's the ticket." "Right, slacken the rope." "And for God's sake, get your weight off me." "Steady, man!" "You'll have me down." "What the heck...!" "You all right, Mr Herriot?" " No!" "Give me a hand, quick!" "Get up, come on!" "Come here!" "Steady, lass!" "Get Maurice out before they tread on him." "Up you come." "What brought this on?" " The sight of blood." "The lad's a milksop." "You might have warned me." " Put him down here." "is he all right?" " He will be." "Right as rain." "Let's hope the same thing goes for Strawberry here." "Give me a ring if she doesn't improve, Mr Rudd." "Come on, come on!" "How's it going, Mr Partridge?" " Oh, hello, Mr Herriot." "Well, we've made a start." "Delightful setting for our subject, isn't it?" "Yes, it is. I didn't come to interrupt." "Can Mr Ogilvie run you home?" "All's arranged, thank you." "I shall leave everything here and..." "cycle back each morning." "Fine." "Well, I'll leave you to it, Mr Partridge." "Bye." "Tea's up, Tris." "And a fresh batch of scones." "Delicious." "You know, he moves in a mysterious way." "Who does?" "Percy." "He's developed a sort of rolling gait, quite the old seadog." "Oh, no!" " Too late." "Master's taken him inside." "What is it?" " Percy's testicle." "I bet the growth's getting bigger." "Roly promised to tell me." "Never mind that." "Where's Helen?" " The hairdresser's." "Where's Siegfried?" " Out on a job." "So it's... ." "Tea for two... ." "Let's grab the scones while the going's good." "I bumped into Angela earlier." "Quite a pneumatic experience!" " Not physically, alas." "I was passing on my lawful occasion and she was drooping over her gate." "Odd description, drooping?" "Nonetheless, suggestive of her mood." "You pour the tea, I'll get stuck into these in case things get busy." "Mm, delicious." "You know, your diagnosis of our case was remarkably accurate." "What happened did create a bond." "Your tea." "Then why the drooping mood?" "It's obvious." "She missed me." "Thought I wasn't interested." "She told you that, did she?" " Not in so many words, no." "But words were hardly needed between us." "I was at my very best." "Oh, I see." "Well, we all know what that means!" "I really was." "Droop dispersed?" " l brought sunshine into her life." "When we parted, I left her a different woman." "Radiant!" " ln a nutshell." "So you'll be seeing her again?" " lt's not beyond possibility." "What ails t'auld bugger?" " By God, I wish I knew." "Not a sniff all week." "No fault of Jezebel's, though, mister!" "She's ready an' all." "I'm not that daft, lad." "I've got eyes in my head, you know." "It fair beats the book." "I've never seen the like of this." "What's to be done?" " Give him a few more days." "Maybe he'll change his mind." "If he doesn't, I'll get Mr Farnon here." "All right, take them away, lads." "Wait!" "Now, listen, lads." "I don't want this to get out." "Keep your mouths shut." "There'll be ten bob of beer money in it." "If you follow my meaning." "That's all right, mister." "Finishing touches, Mr Partridge?" "The finishing touch, Mr Herriot." "One never expects to put the final brush stroke on any painting, and then, of course, it happens." "And that was it?" " Yes." "Are you satisfied?" " Never completely." "But I admit, I enjoyed painting it." "It looks like it. ls Bill Ogilvie pleased?" "He's delighted." "And I'll tell you something." "Do you know a Colonel D'Arcy?" " Met him." "He called on Mr Ogilvie yesterday and saw this." "And I might sound immodest but he was immensely impressed." "I'm not at all surprised." "In fact there's a distinct possibility that he'll commission me to paint a stallion that he owns." "Saracen, I believe." " That's excellent news." "And it's all due to you, Mr Herriot." "Rubbish!" " Oh, yes." "You started the ball rolling." "It wouldn't have rolled very far without your talent, Mr Partridge." "How's Percy?" " He's fine." "Just fine." "As I'm here, I'll have a look at him." " Don't bother." "It's no bother, Mr Partridge, no bother at all." "Up you come and let's have a look at you." "Good boy." "There we are, good dog." "It's bigger, Mr Partridge." "is it?" " Decidedly." "Haven't you noticed?" "I did ask you to let me know, didn't I?" "I couldn't." "The bigger it grew, the more afraid I became." "We can't let it go on like this." " Then what do you suggest?" "You must bring him in for an operation." "No, I couldn't bear that." "It's nothing to worry about." "I know, but I don't like him being cut about." "It's just the idea, you understand." "Yes, but we must think of Percy now." "And I promise you, it oughtn't to be left much longer." "You can't coerce people into treating their animals." "You can only persuade." "I am doing my best, without much success." "He dotes on that dog like a child." " l told you he had a screw loose." "Tripe-hound like that?" "It isn't decent." "Percy's sweet." " Always picking fights in t'street." "He gets picked on by bigger dogs." "He just tries to defend himself." "Very effectively." "He ends up underneath and nips them where it hurts most." "Mr Tristan!" "Oh, well, have it your own way." "Each one to his own taste." "You offended her." "She'll be giving in her notice." "She's always butting in." "Mrs Hall occupies a position of privilege here." "Which I never did." " What?" "Don't worry, I shall not defend myself and nip you where it hurts most." "I shall go to the Drover's for a lonely pint, and brood upon the injustices of life, you in particular." "And get beastly drunk." " Good night, James, Helen." "Night night, Tris." "Mrs Hall's sticking her oar in over Roly." "Enough!" "That woman's cooking is pure gold!" "I'll go." "No, I'll get it." " l'll go." "James." "Hello." "Darrowby..." "Oh, hello, Mr Rudd." "Strawberry?" "Oh, I don't like the sound of that." "I tell you what. I'll erm... I'll call round first thing tomorrow." "Yes." "All right." "Goodbye." "It's the truth, lad, I tell you." "Not a lick nor a sniff." "I saw t'proceedings through t'hedge." " Or lack of them." "Aye, lack of 'em, more like." "Ey up, he's here." "Evening, Mr Ogilvie." " Evening." "How's that Jerry bull of yours?" " Well enough." "It just goes to show, don't it?" "You can't believe all you hear." "What's that, lad?" " Nowt worth repeating, Mr Ogilvie." "Just tales going round." " Tales, is it?" "What kind of tales?" "Well, there's some that says he's no good, like." "A bit of a sissy, like." "Do they, by gaw!" "Well, I don't have to keep the company of fools, especially young fools who ought to be home, looking after sick cattle." "I wish you'd called me sooner, Mr Rudd." "It happened so sudden." "I've never seen a cow alter so fast." "That abscess must be right at its peak." "She hasn't much room to breathe now." "What can you do, Mr Herriot?" " We'll try a kaolin poultice." "If it hasn't burst by tonight, it doesn't leave me much option." "I'll have to operate." "Trouble is, she's so weak already." "Hurry up, Arthur." " Nearly done." "Look out, he's coming!" "Beasts, Percy!" "They're heartless little beasts." "Of course the little wretches escaped but it was so humiliating." "Children, Mr Partridge." "You mustn't mind. lt's the oldest joke in the world." "I'm more concerned with Percy here." "It cannot go on." "I've been afraid he might die under the anaesthetic." "He's a very strong little animal." "There's a greater risk from not operating." "Oh, don't say that!" " l have to, Mr Partridge." "That tumour is growing all the time." "It's badly inflamed, it's painful and it's beginning to spread." "If it reaches his inner organs, well..." "Percy won't stand a chance." "I'm a fool and a coward, I know that." "But I love him so much." "An operation!" "Surely there must be some other way?" "Stilboestral, here it is!" " What?" "Stilboestral, James." "An alternative to an operation for Percy." " What is it?" "I've never heard of it." "It's all here in the Veterinary Record." "It's a new drug, supposed to be useful in hormonal therapy in animals." "This isn't hormonal." " l know that, dear boy, but..." "The same article says..." "Ah, here it is. I've marked the place." ""..in treating cancer of the prostrate in men." So it occurred to me..." "May I see?" "Read at your leisure." "Here you are, page 23." "If I were you, I'd ask the firm for some." "In spite of the possible side effects." "What possible side effects?" "Nothing very serious." "A possible feminising effect." "But if it works with Percy, the risk will have been worth it, won't it?" "Are you off somewhere?" "There are in my parish despondent souls in need of my ministry." "Sieg..." "Must he wear that thing, Mr Farnon?" "It's just a simple precaution in case the sun gets strong." "We don't want him suffering from heatstroke, do we?" "There." "I call that pretty fetching." "If Charlie Rudd sees him rigged out like that, he'll..." "Ah, well, what the hell!" "I expect you're right." "All right, take him down the lower pasture." "Thank you, Greg." "Do you think they've deliberately sold me a dud?" "No, I don't, Mr Ogilvie." "He's only just coming into his prime." "They couldn't be certain." "Besides, an unresponding bull's a freak of nature." "But there must be some explanation." "I've examined him thoroughly." "He's faultless, except for that bit of scar tissue on his sheath which I showed you." "Could be to do with it." " l don't follow you." "If a young bull damages his sheath, and there's plenty of ways he can do that, and gets in among heifers in season, he'll try his luck and find it painful." "It happened in a case I heard of." "The animal hurt himself badly and it put him off." "My God!" "Could that have happened to my Pride?" "It's possible." "But if it is a phimosis, it's not permanent." "He'll do his duty in the end." "How long is that going to take?" "That's hard to forecast." "Not long." "But take my advice and give him all opportunities possible." "is there nothing you can do?" "The wiseacres may tell you different but we don't have aphrodisiacs for bulls." "Well, Jim?" " He's loose in t'lower pastures." "What else?" "Mr Rudd's turned his heifers out t'other side of t'beck." "Has he?" "Well, it's his land, but it's his way of thumbing his nose at me." "Darling!" "It's terribly late." "Oh, is it?" " lt's nearly 2:30." "What are you doing?" "Swotting for that operation." "On Rudd's cow?" "Do you really need to?" "Well, call it refreshing my memory." "Rudd is nosy and cantankerous." "But Strawberry really is - was - a beautiful cow." "Means a lot to him." "I'd like to save her if I can." "Well, of course you would." "is it as doubtful as that?" " She's on her last legs." "I know exactly where the abscess is." "It's a long way in." "It's a hell of a job to get to." "There are rotten things in the way, the carotid artery and the jugular." "The only way I can think of doing it is to go in from behind the jaw." "Well, I've never done it, I've never seen it done... and I've never heard of anyone else doing it." "If I nick one of those big blood vessels..." "she'll be dead in a minute." "Come on." "What you need is a steady hand." "Up to bed." "A good night's sleep." "Come on." "That's your best way of cheating Moloch." "There's nowt to lose now, young man." "Best get on with it." "I am getting on with it, Mr Rudd." "Thanks for bringing her in, Maurice, but you'd better go." "I can't afford your weight on top of me this time." "Mr Rudd, if you could come and hold her head up and slightly backwards, please." "All right?" " Yeah." "Good." "Come along, Percy." "Oh. I was expecting to see Mr Herriot." "That's right." "He sends his apologies." "He was called out." "A matter of life or death." "I'll call back when it's more convenient." "No need." "My partner has consulted with me." "Yes, but you don't understand." " Oh, but I do, Mr Partridge." "Perfectly." "If you don't want us to operate on Percy, we shall not do so." "Not?" "There's this new wonder drug on the market." "It's just the thing for Percy's...condition." " l can't believe it!" "We obtained it especially for Percy." "I shall give him a 10ml injection now, and you must give him the same in tablet form until further notice." "If you'll just bring him over to the table." "You really think it'll work?" " lmprovement may be gradual." "I think it's better on the table, Mr Partridge." "I assure you, the results will astonish you." "There you are, Percy." "Could you wipe my eyes again, please?" "You look done in, young man." " No, I'm all right." "I'm all right." "Eureka!" "You what?" "Look at my hand." "That is pus, Mr Rudd." "Beautiful pus." "Feeling better?" " Now I've had a bath." "I'll feel better still when I've had a beer." "Quite a day. I think I'll give Angela a ring, ask her for that drink." "You've taken your time." " l didn't want to appear too eager." "And also, funds are a bit short." "You couldn't lend me thirty bob, could you?" "Yes, I suppose so." "Ten bob." " Great." "And a pound." " Good old James!" "Oh, and also..." "your car tomorrow evening?" "Why not?" " Damned decent." "You do understand?" "I want to get her out of Darrowby, where we're not known." "If we go to The Drover's..." " Tongues will wag!" "Why not tonight?" " l'm on duty." "Oh, yes, of course you are." "Give her a buzz." "No time like the present." "Hello." "Darrowby 8-5." "Yes, speaking." "Oh, Angela!" "Good Lord!" "Wendy whelping?" "Yes, of course." "Not a bit. I told you." "Say no more, I'm on my way." "That's funny." " What is?" "There's no sign of her starting." "What made you think she was?" "The way she was acting." "She's usually the loveliest, laziest bitch in the world." "Not tonight. I was dozing... and I heard her whimpering outside my door." "She was so restless, Tristan." "She kept wandering around and started this funny whimpering." "I tried to settle her." "I was sure the puppies were coming." "It's symptomatic, I agree, but it's not happening." "In fact, I'd give her four or five days." "She's not sickening?" "Good Lord, no, Angela." "She's blooming." "It's probably nothing more than indigestion." "Oh, dear." " There's nothing to worry about." "It's not her I'm worrying about now." "It's you." "Me?" " Of course!" "I feel dreadful, bringing you all the way here just for nothing." "My dear girl, what absolute rubbish." "You did exactly the right thing." "There's no point in taking chances." "You're awfully sweet." "All right, Tristan, it wasn't for nothing." "We'll have a jolly little drink to prove it." "What are you worried about?" " Nothing happened." "Don't you see?" "It was all there." "The situation, the atmosphere, the proximity." "It was meant to happen." " Then why didn't it?" "There you have me." "I'm not sure how to put it into words but after the third whisky, something nasty reared its head." "Not your...conscience?" " Good Lord, no." "Don't keep me in suspense." "What was it?" "Something to do with the ethics of our profession." "Ethics?" " l was getting confused but I heard phrases like "unprofessional conduct" and "bringing into disrepute"." "Completely irrelevant." " What?" "The lady isn't your patient." "Although she nearly was." "If she lures you to her house, your only worry is the risk of scandal in Darrowby." "Scandal?" " Not to be underrated." "You can't be dragged up before the Medical Council and struck off." "I can't?" " No." "If you ever become a fully fledged vet..." " lf?" "!" "Vets don't take a Hippocratic oath, do they?" "So you can't be accused of breaking it." "You're right." "You were right the first time." "I've made an ass of myself a second time." "Third time lucky?" " No, James." "Angela's a woman of the world, not one to suffer fools gladly." "There won't be a third time." "Mrs Hall, I'm just going down to the shops." "Mrs Herriot, is your husband still treating that dog of Roly's?" "Yes, he's trying a new drug." "Why?" "You'd best come and have a look." "There's summat funny going on." "Shoo, rotten dogs!" "Shoo!" "Shoo!" "Get out, you buggers!" "Well!" "I never saw the like." "Do you suppose Percy's changing sides, so to speak?" "I've never heard Roland using language like that before." "You should have known him when he were a lad at school." "It's so humiliating, Mr Herriot." "And if we venture forth for a walk... lt must be embarrassing." "Look on the bright side." "That stuff is beginning to work." "The tumour's smaller, much less inflamed." "We must go on now." "Yes, yes." "Percy is all that matters." "But why are they out there, Mr Herriot?" "It's hard to say." "Maybe something to do with the drug." " ln what way?" "It might be affecting his hormones, having a feminising effect." "Not a permanent condition?" " No." "Just while the treatment lasts." "Young Mr Farnon did promise astonishing results." "And so Percy is getting better?" "It looks like it. I'll call again in a few days and have a look at him." "There we go, Percy." "Good dog." " There's my boy." "You've still got it." " Yes, I can't understand it." "Mr Ogilvie promised to collect it." " He has paid?" "Oh, yes, he was very prompt." " l expect he'll look in." "If I get a call that way, I'll drop it in for you." "Thank you very much." " Goodbye." "Yes, Colonel D'Arcy." "Yes." "I see." "Well, that doesn't sound too grave." "No, I'll come out and see her." "About, er... half past four or so this afternoon." "All right?" "What?" "Who?" "Oh, yes, yes, yes, course I know him." "Well, if he's there, I will, yes." "Not at all." "No trouble at all, Colonel." "Bye." "Extraordinary thing." " Hmm?" "D'Arcy." "Wants me to see one of his brood mares then asked if I'd bring Roly Partridge." "Oh, good!" "Another commission." "He wants him to paint Saracen." "At least, I expect so." "And you will be passing Ogilvie's farm." "What of it?" " He hasn't collected his painting." "You could drop it in for him." "I'm fast becoming the errand boy of my own practice." "You started this nonsense." " lt's a good nonsense, Siegfried." "Ah, well, anything to oblige." " Thank you." "Oh, by the way, who's Duty Dog tonight?" "I am." "The Royal and Ancient Order of Buffalos are giving a dinner in aid of the RSPCA on Saturday. I'm invited." "Would you care to swap?" " Are you asking me or telling me?" "It's only a polite enquiry." "I wouldn't interfere with your social life." "I have no social life." "All right. I'll do it." " Thank you!" "Now I'll go and collect Partridge's wretched picture." "I'm sorry, Mr Partridge, but I've changed my mind. I don't want the picture." "Why, Mr Ogilvie?" "Well, I've got my reasons." "You mean it's not good enough?" "It seems a terrible pity, Mr Ogilvie." "Now what the heck?" "By God, Bill Ogilvie!" "I hope you're well insured!" "What the hell are you on about now?" "That damned Hun bull of yours." "You'll pay for this day's work." "Calm yourself, Mr Rudd, please." "Explain." "He's busted t'fence and been on t'rampage with my maiden heifers." "You can't mean...?" "You aren't sayin'...?" "Three at least!" "Fine heifers but too young." "Ruined!" "You mark my words!" "You were right, Mr Farnon." "You were right. lt were only temporary." "Now, see here, Billy boy!" " Never mind, Charlie boy." "You've done me a favour." "Hee hee!" "It's the finest picture I've ever seen." "They've gone, every single one." "Who have?" " Percy's pack of suitors." "So will he be OK?" " Yes." "The whole thing has disappeared." "Roly's in seventh heaven." "Morning, Helen." "Morning, James." " Morning, Siegfried." "A quiet night?" "Yes, only one call and that was delightful." "I delivered six bouncing Labrador puppies." "That's right, my boy." "Your friend Mrs Farmer." "What a delightful woman she is." "Very...generous disposition." "Knows how to show her gratitude." "Only the best malt whisky." "On the other hand, she's a woman of eccentric tastes." "Positively weird." "Do you know what she asked me to do, Helen?" "I couldn't begin to imagine, Siegfried." "All right, I'll tell you." "She asked me to ask Tristan if he'd like to have supper with her." "Ohh!" " On Saturday." "James... you wouldn't care to hold the fort for me on Saturday, would you?" "All right."