"This is Mac." "My husband." "Whooo!" "Jesus!" "If you and Mac want some privacy, you just say the word." "It's fine." "Oh, God." "That doesn't sound good." "Oh!" "Oops." "We never get any time alone." "You should think this is a big deal." "You guys used to date?" "You probably have plenty of sweet things to say about her." "There were feelings..." "big feelings..." "It was fun though, right?" "Yeah, it was." "Don't make out with my mom, OK?" "Let's just not involve them at all, huh?" "I do love you." "Drunk on camp!" "I'll make sure she gets some counselling." "He hasn't had sex with me for weeks." "Beaver Falls, Beaver Falls, Beaver Falls..." "All right." "All right." "You got it." "You got to love it." "Listen, tomorrow, Camp Wimoweh send their basketball team here." "I know they've won the trophy for the past ten years running, and I know they think they're going to do it again." "And I sure as hell know something else - this year, they're wrong!" "Cos..." "Because we know something that they don't." "We have a secret weapon." "A weapon of mass destruction, a weapon made in beautiful Wyoming, USA." "Whoo!" "Ladies and gentleman, I give you our new team captain... the one, the only, the mighty Macca!" "Say a few words son, come on." "Uh..." "Yeah, just..." "good luck for tomorrow, guys." "Let's give it our best shot." "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Come on, you're the general - inspire your troops." "Uh..." "Um..." "OK, er..." "What is the... best thing in life?" "To crush your enemies, to see them crumble before you" "That is a direct misquote from Conan the Barbarian." "The original." "Crush your enemies!" "Crush your enemies...!" "Crush your enemies!" "Crush your enemies!" "What the hell is going on here?" "You are stoned." "No..." "Yes." "Hey!" "I'm so proud." "I'm so high." "Mac..." "Help me..." "Help me." "Oh, Barry!" "Never let me go, my beautiful horse." "Should I be worried?" "I think they make a lovely couple." "Easy, now..." "Remind me again, why does it matter if my parents know?" "Look, if you want to do the whole rebellious thing, get a tattoo or a piercing - just leave me out of it." "I already got a tattoo and I got a piercing." "You know, the more you say no, the more it turns me on." "You're sick and twisted." "Which is good..." "Just not here, not now." "Ah, you're such a girl." "OK, we got me, sunset behind me, the heroic angle, as I practice my speech for tomorrow's game." "If I may be so bold, as director..." "You've got one job." "Make it look good." "Don't over-complicate this." "Yes, it's just..." "I was thinking of going for a rougher, handheld approach - cinema verite?" "Now you're talking French." "Now, this film is about me-about how my camp turns boys into men." "Strong, macho men who can throw a touchdown and dunk a two-pointer." "Now, can you nerdlings deliver that or not?" "Action." "When I was young, I had a dream." "A dream about boys." "A team of heroes." "Camp Wimoweh... they're a sports camp, they've got the equipment, gym, dietician, they got the whole nine yards." "Beaver Falls... we're street." "We're ghetto." "And... on paper, we're toast." "But we got something that those Wimoweh jerks don't." "We've got belief." "And you know what else we've got?" "Precedence." "Dammit, that was a rhetorical question." "We're in the middle of a take here," "It's obvious that Beaver Falls are going to win." "It is?" "Of course it is." "It's your classic underdog story." "You know, like Rocky, Seabiscuit, Bad News Bears, Mighty Ducks." "Mighty Ducks 2." "Mighty Ducks 3." "Mighty Ducks 4." "I think we agree that the entire Mighty Ducks canon is included in this equation." "I don't want theories, Spielberg." "With all due respect, I am the director..." "With all due respect, shut up and keep filming." "All right..." "You know what else we got?" "We got the Mac Attack!" "Looks like everybody's pretty hyped up, huh?" "Any excuse to get half naked and start screaming." "So you think you'll score tomorrow?" "Well, I hope so." "That's why I'm there." "And how about tonight?" "How about tonight what?" "Do you think you'll score?" "Ah..." "Not the night before the game." "I got to keep the powder dry." "The night before or the week before?" "I'll make it up to you." "I promise." "OK, because, you know, I'm a firm believer in sex after marriage." "Yes, I do know that." "Listen, I'm gonna shoot off before Bobby makes me do a little dance or something in front of everyone." "OK... don't blame you." "Love you." "Yeah, I love you, too." "Bye." "You not enjoying your moment of glory?" "You ever sit in front of a group of people just chanting your name at you?" "Once." "When I was eight." "And it wasn't cos they liked me." "Hey, do you wanna play tomorrow?" "Yeah!" "The only thing I know how to do with a basketball is make a pretty good bong out of it." "Aw, c'mon." "It'll be fun." "We'll find a role for you." "Here...?" "Sure?" "My cousin, Robbie, he was a big burner in our family." "He'd smoke and snort anything he could get his hands on." "Carpet cleaner." "Catnip." "He once huffed a whole can of butane gas, that stuff they use to fill lighters." "He said he saw God and God made fun of his haircut." "He's, like, 25 now, bald, looks like Lex Luthor." "Mate, are you all right?" "I'm mighty Mac." "I'm amazing." "Gimme some of that." "Fuck!" "Refill?" "Uh... sure - oh, I'm on water, though, yeah." "According to your girlfriend," "I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol." "So you had a drink, insulted your friends and stripped off." "That's a normal night in the pub where I'm from." "Don't worry about it." "Hope doesn't need to know." "Hope doesn't need to know what?" "You sort of sneaked up on me there." "Only sneaks sneak, A-rab!" "So...?" "Well, no..." "I was just saying that if Rachael wanted a drink..." "Which I don't." "Then... you know, it wouldn't be the end of the world..." "And she shouldn't tell big bad Hope?" "Well, no." "That's..." "That's like the opposite of what I meant." "Well, not the opposite..." "just... not... it." "Well, you know, I'm actually really surprised you're still here." "Because, you know, I left the bunk free for you and Mac." "Ahh..." "We won't be needing that now." "Oh." "Problems?" "No." "We can talk about it tomorrow in your session." "Or we can do it right now." "I'm all ears." "Tomorrow's fine." "OK, I'm gonna turn in for the night." "Good girl!" "Man, they really fucking lap that shit up, don't they?" "I envy you, Barry." "Yeah, course you do!" "No, man, I'm serious." "You show up late to the rally, incoherent, wasted, and Kimberley thinks it's cute." "I wish I could be like that." "Yeah, who wants to be the hotshot hero" " that all the girls drool over?" " It's not even like that..." "Nah, nah, nah - much better to be a shambling mess of a man... who's only just realised he's wearing odd shoes." "Don't be so hard on yourself." "You know..." "You've got a lot more to offer than people realise." "You OK?" "Are you gonna puke?" "I gotta go." "OK..." "Chicks cannot take their weed." "Hey..." "I was just going to bed." "I hope you have enough energy left for the game today because... last night..." "Wow!" "Wow!" "Mmmm." "Can't believe I have the pleasure of a counselling session with Hope to look forward to today." "You know her and Bobby are convinced that I was all drunk and out of control?" "You were kind of drunk and out of control." "I know!" "Sometimes, it's OK to just... give in, go a bit crazy." "Right?" "I mean, look at you last night!" "Bullshit!" "What?" "Yup." "Sounds like wish fulfilment to me." "I'm serious." "Right on the lips!" "I'm telling you, guys like Mac, they can't take their weed." "Why's Maurice got his mouth taped up?" "I don't know but I hope it stays that way." "It's an artistic protest." "Bobby won't give him control of the film." "Apparently, he's pissed off at the rest of the bunk cos there's this other film he wants to make but they're all too chicken to do it." "You spend far too much time with those kids." "Yeah." "Weird, huh?" "Almost like it's our job or something!" "'Incoming!" "Incoming!" "Camp Wimoweh 'bus sighted." "Let's show these SOBs 'that we can do hospitality." "And where's my goddamn camera crew?" "'" "So wait a minute." "Mac actually kissed you, and you don't think that's weird?" "No, man!" "People do pretty crazy stuff when they're caned." "Yup." "I know a boy who got a tattoo of Ross Kemp on his arse." "He-he." "Unbelievable!" "It's like that time you and me sank a bottle of absinthe and I planted a smackeroonie on you." "What, and you took me off somewhere nice and romantic to do that?" "Like a quiet spot by a beautiful lake, just the two of us?" "No, it was in front of everyone at the student union." "Exactamundo!" "Rachael wouldn't be too happy if she heard about this." "What..." "Rach..." "This has got nothing to do with her!" "He was munted." "End of story." "Aha!" "Speak of the devil." "And how are you today, my dear?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "I don't know." "You never write, you never call." "I'm starting to think I'm nothing but a cheap floozy to you." "What..." "I don't get it." "This some sort of Brit thing?" "No, you know." "Last night, we were..." "Barry, I have no idea what you're talking about." "Action!" "All right, we want a wide shot." "Then move in slow on me and Pamela." "He says he thinks starting on a close-up would be better." "I don't care what he thinks!" "Bobby, please!" "Don't embarrass me in front of Hal and Judy." "Maybe you were right, dude." "Maybe we have been chicken." "Maybe it's time." "Dragon-born!" "Always knew there was something too good to be true about him." "Don't!" "Rachael rushed into getting married." "I mean, how well does she really know him?" "Only since they were kids." "And apparently, she was on the rebound" " from some weird, meddling English guy." " He's all clean-cut." "Mr Healthy Outdoorsman." "There he is, smoking a doobie, getting caned, planting smooches on your sweet face." "Is that really the person she thought she married?" "Even if he was a serial killer, he wouldn't be nearly as annoying as you right now." "I'm just looking out for Rachael." "And there are two very good reasons why you should not interfere." "Your girlfriend." "And your ex." "Stay away." "Wouldn't be interfering." "Fine." "All right." "None of my business." "It's ten o'clock, which means..." "The big hand's pointing at the twelve, the little hand's pointing at the ten?" "It's time for your session." "Yay!" "Pam." "Robert." "It is so good to see you again in your lovely little camp." "Judy." "Pam, you're looking..." "Well, I guess we're all looking a little older." "You don't." "Thank you, Bobby!" "Oh, and you... you definitely don't." "In fact, you're getting younger and younger every day." "Wouldn't surprise me if one morning, I woke up in bed with a baby." "Err..." "So, where's Hal?" "Oh, he couldn't make it." "He's got some business to attend to in Connecticut." "Or maybe he's just scared of seeing his boys taking a beating at the... the hands of Beaver Falls." "Umm..." "No, he's definitely in Connecticut." "In fact, he's raising funds for our second camp." "'So, is this the part where you tell me...' that I drink too much cos my mommy didn't hold me right when I was born?" "This is the part where I tell you to stay the hell away from A-Rab." "I'm sorry?" "He's my boyfriend and you're meant to be married, so get over it!" "I don't have any interest in A-Rab." "Oh, really?" "Because your marriage doesn't seem exactly perfect." "My marriage is none of your business." "Oh, Rachael." "I feel so sorry for you." "You and Mac clearly have issues, and I see you buzzing around A-Rab like a lovesick bee who can't get enough honey." "How many fingers am I holding up?" "What?" "I think there's something wrong with your vision." "You see, it's not me hanging around A-Rab." "It's him "buzzing" around me." "So maybe you should spend more time worrying about your relationship and keeping your nose out of mine." "You know what?" "I feel a lot better." "You're actually pretty good at this therapy thing." "Rubberised tiles, weather-resistant," "94 by 50 feet, regulation NBA size." "Welcome to the Big League, Judy." "Oh, it's never 94 by 50, Bobby." "And trust me, there is nothing sadder than a man that has to lie about size." "Psyche!" "Court doesn't feel very even tome, Bobby." "Some chloroform, a shovel and a big fucking hole and we'd never have to deal with that bitch again!" "Cut, cut, cut!" "Delete that." "From the camera and your brains!" "Would you get a hold of yourself?" "Remember when you and me used to play, Pam?" "A little." "You were the captain of the women's basketball team." "And the hockey team." "And the swim team." "I used to hero-worship you, I guess." "It is so funny the way things turn out!" "It's not going to be funny after the game today." "Judy, I'd like you to... meet Mac, the man that's going to destroy your team." "Hey." "Hello, Mac." "Well, I believe it's time for customary coaches' drinks." "Bobby?" "Focus!" "Can I try?" "Uh..." "Sure." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" "From the middle, with my eyes closed." "Just like you." "Seriously?" "Mm-hmm." "How did it go with Hope?" "Uh..." "It was, different." "She seems to think we have issues." "Well, we don't have issues." "That's what I said." "Here we go." "Now you're facing the wrong way." "Here." "OK." "OK?" "Yeah." "How did I do?" "Three-pointer!" "You are such a bad liar." "Hey, you know, maybe Hope's right." "Maybe we do have issues." "You know, issues that are... so big we should just blow off college for a year, go travelling." "Just the two of us." "Whoa!" "Where did that come from?" "We've got no responsibilities." "We've got no ties... kids." "Hey, I want to see the world with you." "I want to go to all those exotic places like Japan, India and..." "Canada." "You know I do." "I do!" "A proper honeymoon, just the two of us." "Are you serious?" "You think it's a bad idea?" "No!" "I think it's a great idea." "Yeah?" "PJ!" "You're looking good." "Hey!" "You're not looking so bad yourself, Ice." "I've made some improvements." "Check it out." "No way!" "Is that me?" "We had this bet and whoever lost had to get the other's face tattooed on their arm." "I cannot believe you did that!" "You're insane." "You know it!" "Hi." "Sorry, Flynn." "Ice." "Ice?" "It's short." "What for, The Iceman?" "For Isaac." "I was named after my grandfather." "God rest his soul." "Later, huh?" "Be nice to catch up." "He's got a tattoo of your face on his arm." "I know." "Amazing!" "Some might say amazing." "Some might say creepy." "Were you and him..." "It's my face, on his arm." "What do you think?" "OK." "No problem." "I'm cool." "Cool as ice." "Are you a little bit jealous?" "No, of course not!" "Doesn't matter to me who you've slept with." "No, of course it doesn't because then we might have to turn the spotlight on to yours or did little past." "I'm not that bad." "Maybe that's why you want to keep us under wraps." "Keep your options open." "Because for all I know, you could have slept with every girl here last summer." "And by the look on your face, maybe you did." "Not every girl." "All right, Columbo." "What do you want?" "A list of names?" "Yeah." "OK." "That'd be cool." "Cool as ice." "Someone's having a good day." "Yeah." "Somebody is." "Me and Mac, we're going travelling." "Going on a big, year-long honeymoon." "So your girlfriend can stop stressing about it all." "Stressing about all of what?" "She seems to think you and me still have feelings for each other." "What?" "!" "No, that's..." "Get the..." "That's crazy talk." "Right!" "None of my business." "So, wait." "You're just going to drop out of college and go scooting around with Mac?" "Err..." "Yup." "So when did he ask you on this... fantastic voyage?" "Just now." "Just now?" "Right." "I see." "You see what?" "No, it's just..." "What is wrong with you and Hope?" "Why are you so desperate for me to have problems?" "We're not!" "I'm not." "OK, if you've got something to say, then just say it." "I don't want to do this little dance." "So you're just being a jerk, then?" "Thank you!" "All right." "So, Mac got high last night." "Like, really fucked-up high." "And he snogged Barry." "Is that the best you can do?" "Now he's all like, "Let's drop out of college and hit the road."" " Doesn't that seem a bit weird to you?" " He didn't get high last night." "Believe me, I know that." "I know that on the bed, on the floor, in the woods, on the hammock." "Do you want me to go on?" "So you think I'm just making this up?" "No, of course not!" "You're telling me that my husband secretly likes to get high and make moves on men." "You know, you and Hope are just as bad as each other." "You need to find a hobby, get out more, stop obsessing over my life." "Seriously!" "Hey!" "Umm..." "Got a moment?" "Give me a second." "I'm getting ready for the game." "Hey." "Hey." "So, umm... last night, you didn't end up taking drugs or anything before you came see me?" "I mean, I'm not judging." "I was just sort of liking the whole," ""being married, no secrets" thing." "I can't believe Barry told you!" "Umm... yes." "I did." "I had one puff of a joint and it was..." "I was stressed." "It was stupid." "I don't know why I did it." "Is that all that happened?" "Yeah." "That's it." "Just, umm... you didn't somehow end up..." "I don't know... kissing Barry at all?" "What?" "Wait, who said that?" "Barry?" "No, A-Rab." "And, I mean, he's not normally a bullshitter." "Well, no." "But he's got his facts wrong because it was actually the other way around." "Yeah, I wasn't going to say anything but we had a smoke and Barry leans in and kind of made a pass at me." "Really?" "!" "Well, no." "I mean, yeah." "But it's just..." "Brits goofing around, right?" "You don't believe that." "If you did, you would have mentioned it to me earlier." "But Barry!" "Wow!" "Yeah, wow!" "Well, well, well." "If it isn't my favourite little gossip girls." "We're not gossiping and..." "I'm not a girl." "But you couldn't wait to tell me how Mac put the moves on Barry." "But you forgot one important detail" " Barry kissed Mac." "Whoa!" "Barry did what now?" "Just Barry being Barry." "It's no big deal." "We should change the topic." "People are spreading shit about my husband and I'd like it to stop." "It almost sounds like you're the one stirring up trouble." "It kinda does." "Don't shoot the messenger." "If the messenger's talking bullshit, I will fire away." "Oh my God!" "Oh man." "This is gonna be so easy!" "Hey, sexy." "What?" "Are you deliberately trying to make us look bad in front of Judy?" "Why don't you tell everyone the truth about you and Mac?" "There's nothing to tell." " Then why go around spreading lies and rumours?" " Rachael..." "I wasn't." "So you made it all up?" "Cheers, mate." "You landed me right in it!" "A-Rab!" "Why are you so keen to get involved?" " Kissy, kissy!" " Leave him alone." "No." "No, don't leave me alone, but don't fucking start saying" "I'm making shit up." "For fuck's sake, Mac?" ""For fuck's sake, Mac?"" "Good one!" "How about a push-up bra?" "Mac?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "What's the commotion?" "We have guests!" "It's Barry." "He's trying to get it on with your captain." "No, no, that's not basketball, we don't try to make out with our fellow players." "That's a very reactionary attitude." "Happily, we run a progressive camp at Wimoweh." "Beaver Falls is progressive." "We welcome all people." "Straights, gay, er... various." "We love them." "Not physically but... y'know like family." "Cousins." "And uncles." "Both." "Tell her, Barry." "I'm proud of him!" "My-my boy!" "My big gay boy!" "So does this mean you'll be getting back with Jake now or what?" "Hey, whoa!" "That's a dumb thing to say." "Barry is as much a man as he always was." "What?" "Don't do that!" "Unless it's a supportive whistle." "All right, come on!" "Finish up." "We've got a game to play." "Look, I know you're probably worried." "I'm not worried." "Oh." "Could you pretend to be worried?" "OK." "I'm really worried." "You don't have to be." "I'm not gay." "And if I was..." "I'd be gay for you." "So you'd be a lesbian." "Yes." "I would be a lesbian." "But with a penis." "Sort of like a transsexual." "Pre-op." "Obviously." "Are you OK?" "I couldn't give a shit whether they think I'm gay or not." "It's the fact they're using it to attack me." "You want me to kick their asses?" "Nah." "It's just..." "You're just disappointed in Mac." "Yeah." "I don't get why he didn't just stand up and tell them all to shut it." "He just sat there." "Maybe you should speak to him." "Find out why." "It's not like Mac to do that." "Fuck him!" "Sure, Barry." "I know you." "Even though you're pissed off at him, you're probably going to go find out if he's OK anyway." "Well..." "I had a good run while it lasted." "Here's to a summer of getting the piss ripped out of me." "Hot pink shorts though." "It's working for me." "Really?" "Wimoweh!" "Wimoweh!" "Here it is." "The big list." "This is everyone you slept with last summer?" "Mmm-hmm." "Ladies and gentlemen..." "drum roll please." "Jesus, Flynn!" "I knew you'd been round the block a few times," "I didn't realise you'd screwed every house on the way." "There were extenuating circumstances." ""Frizzy Head"." "Is that a first name or a last name?" "She's the girl with..." "A frizzy head?" "Yeah I got that." "Thank you." "I know about "extenuating circumstances" but... what were you trying to do, re-populate America?" "You're upset." "No, I'm horrified." "I'm a little creeped out." "I'm not upset." "Oh!" "I had this all planned out." "You were going to give it to me." "I was going to tear it up, say, "I don't need to see this, we're cool."" "I just had to take a look, didn't I?" "Let's do it again." "And this is it?" "This is everyone?" "Yeah." "Everyone." "OK." "We're cool." "Ice." "Ice." "Ice." "Where the hell is Mac?" "More importantly, what the hell is that?" "It's our big screen." "Hi-tech." "So we can watch the game while it's taking place, like in the big leagues." "Demonstrate to Judy that we're not some low-rent operation." "Of course, because nothing says opulence like hanging out your goddamn washing!" "Catch the ball!" "Where in the... hell is Mac?" "!" "Hey!" "I got your apology!" "What apology?" "Exactly." "Luckily Kimberley's cool, cos you could have really fucked things up there." "I thought we were mates." "But we are mates." "Why did you spread lies about me?" "Why did you tell A-Rab I came on to you?" "Because it was funny." "It wasn't a big deal." "People do whacked-out stuff when they're wasted, like this haircut for example." "I didn't do it." "So, what, you were just incredibly fucked and didn't realise it?" "No." "High or not, I didn't do it." "You did." "No." "I didn't, Barry." "You did and it doesn't matter." "It's no big deal, that's what I'm saying." "Look." "See?" "Mwah!" "Mates." "Mucking about." "No big deal." "I could do it again, even!" "Hey!" "Back on me!" "No, dude, behind you." "Something weird just happened." "No, mwah, big, mwah, deal." "See?" "Barry." "What?" "Abort!" "Abort!" "Run for the hills!" "Run for the bus!" "Run for your lives!" "Just, run!" "I think they might have been filming that." "Mac?" "I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do, Barry." "Mac, wait!" "Hey, guys, look, it's Mac!" "Yay!" "All right." "Now we're cooking!" "Come on!" "Go, Mac!" "Mac attack!" "Mac attack!" "Mac attack!" "Flynn." "All right, Pam?" "No." "I'm not all right." "I'm bored, Flynn." "I'm bored of being dutiful," "I'm bored of kissing up to Sunny Day Leisure Industries." "I'm bored of Bobby who despite mass evidence to the contrary, thinks he's God's gift to women." "I just want to throttle that patronising, overgrown cheerleader." "Doesn't sound like you're having a great summer." "I'm not." "Bobby and I had an agreement." "So I'm asking myself, if he's not playing by the rules, then why should I?" "Why shouldn't I have some fun?" "So this means you're going to throttle Judy?" "No." "My summer's going to be a lot more interesting than that." "I'll be seeing you soon, Spencer." "14 down, but we can turn this around, hey?" "Focus, where have you been?" "Just give me the fucking ball, OK?" "Beaver Falls!" "Check out the tail on that!" "Check out the beaver on that!" "Hey!" "Stop bullying my gay!" "It's the closest he'll ever get to a beaver!" "Ain't so good, is it, now, Judy?" "Huh?" "He's a machine!" "Yeah!" "Come on!" "Mac Attack!" "That's the Mac Attack!" "That's a Double Mac with Cheese!" "That's a Mac..." "Mac..." "Macaroni!" "Guys!" "Get it hooked up!" "What?" "He says to keep the camera on Mac." "He said we'll cut it all together, put some pounding rock music over it, montage sequence." "Yeah, baby!" "Nice one!" "Whooooo!" "Go, Mac!" "Whooooo!" "Foul!" "Foul!" "Aw, come on!" "Learn how to play the game, fag." "What did you say?" "I said learn to play the game..." "fag." "Mac, what the fuck?" "Mac!" "Mac!" "Say it again." "Mac!" "Someone stop this." "Say it again!" "Say it again!" "Get the fuck off me!" "The fucking guy's crazy, Jesus." "What the fuck are all you looking at?" "!" "The dude just called you a fag." "There's no need to over-react." "Oh, dude." "Mac, wait." "Mac." "Hold up a second." "This camp is a disgrace!" "You're a disgrace." "This game is void." "They're walking off the court." "Forfeit!" "Forfeit!" "Beaver Falls wins by default!" "Beaver Falls!" "Man, I can't believe he's gay." "I showered next to that dude!" "No." "You've got it wrong." "I came onto him." "I like men." "And Mac is a man, so I kissed him because I am a man who likes other men." "I am a gay." "OK, dude." "We've all seen your porn stash." "If you're gay, then you have this weird fascination with pussy." "Fine." "I'll show you." "What are you doing?" "I'm going to show them the video that you took of me and Mac." "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the truth." "You can't show the video." "You can't show the video." "Back off, shorty." "'In a land before time, one man became a hero.'" "What the hell?" "'Behold!" "I am the Dragonborn!" "'" "It's the wrong tape." "You're our only hope." "Us womankind are relying on you." "But I'm just a man." "What can I do?" "We are so dead." "You OK?" "You kind of went full-on psycho on that guy." "Is he OK?" "Yeah." "He's fine, I guess." "Some bumps and bruises in the morning." "I get it." "It's a sports thing." "Testosterone pumping..." "I kissed Barry." "No." "You're just saying that to defend him, right?" "Because the jocks were bullying him and you're a good person..." "I'm just saying it because it's the truth." "I was the one." "It was me." "It doesn't matter." "Everyone experiments." "You think I haven't kissed a girl?" "I have." "I was five, but it still counts." "Rachael." "It's not like you made out with another girl." "Then we'd really have a problem." "I'm sorry." "It's fine." "No." "I'm sorry." "I'm so fucking sorry." "It's fine." "Whatever this is, we can fix it." "We can go travelling..." "No." "I love you." "I love you..." "I love you so much." "Don't." "Please." "No." "No." "Mac, Mac, Mac." "Please take it back." "Put it back on." "Put it back on." "Please!" "Please." "I am Dragonborn!" "I am Dragonborn!" "Hey." "Are you OK?" "Sure." "Just watching my boyfriend dressed as a beaver pretending to come out in front of a group of basketball players." "Yeah." "Just another day in Barry World, isn't it?" "Wait, Judy, wait." "I want to say sorry." "On behalf of me and Bobby." "Physical violence has no place on the sports field." "The value of society can be measured by how the hosts treat their guests, and today we let you and ourselves down." "Well, Pam, that's very good of you..." "Psych!" "Ra..." "Oh, Rachael, I'm so sorry." "Look." "I had to tell her." "I was just looking out for her." "Sure." "Saddle up that white horse and ride on in." "I hear you." "No matter what other people might think." "Other people?" "Well, there are those who might say that you know Rachael pretty well and you knew exactly what telling her would do." "Sewing those seeds of doubt and what-not." "Some may even say you saw it as an opportunity." "No!" "What?" "That's like the last thing I wanted, is for her to get hurt." "I want to believe you, because if any part of you did see this as an opportunity, as a way to get back at her, get her back on the market... well, that'd be really fucked up, right?" "Yeah." "I know, Rach." "I know." "It's going to be OK." "I'm really sorry." "I'm so sorry." "You're not wearing your wedding ring." "No." "Fuck." "So is this one of those "deep down you always knew" kind of things?" "This is why I said I envied you, Barry." "You know, you don't pretend to be something you're not." "You're just... you." "I don't care about me." "I care about Rachael and..." "I've fucked up her life." "I don't know what to say." "I'm so sorry." "There's nothing to say, man." "Mac?" "Do you think I'm cute?" "What?" "Am I cute?" "Yes, Barry." "You're super cute." "I'm not just cute, but hot, right?" "I'm a hot dude." "Yeah, sure." "You're a hot dude." "Hotter than Flynn?" "Don't push it." "Thank you." "The world is ending, which is why tonight it's going to be movie night." "Why were you hanging out with Rachael this morning?" "You have sex hair!" "I do not." "Who gave you sex hair?" "It's our last day on earth together." "What do you do?" "That's easy." "I'd have a threesome." "I can't, I'm sorry." "There's a girl." "There's always a girl." "You don't think people can come back from a break-up?" "He's gay, Jake." "Maybe I'm not talking about them." "Have you seen A-Rab?" "Hi." "Hi." "The world is not ending!" "At Beaver Falls, we turn boys into men." "Men America can be proud of." "Manly men." "Send your sons to Beaver Falls for a summer they won't forget." "It's just a first cut." "This is not what I asked for." "This is so much better."