" Hey what's up ?" " Hey !" " Any e-mails today ?" " Hum I don't think so..." "No ?" "Check your spam folder." "Oh !" "there it is !" " What ?" ""50 signs that your priest might be Michael Jackson"" "Well done !" "Topical !" "I am king of forwards !" "it's how I like to do business." "Everybody joking around !" "We're like Friends." "I am Chandler, and Joey, and Pam is Rachel, and Dwight is Kramer." "So the monkey does the sex thing, right here !" "Funny !" "that's funny !" "Not offensive because it's nature, educational." "Do you want the link ?" "cause then you could forward it around." "Consider it." "Maybe." "Well, we'll see." "Because I don't know if it's..." "Come on !" "What has 2 thumbs and likes to bone your mum ?" "This guy !" "You are so bad !" "This guy is out of control !" "He is a mad man !" "Better get the bleep button ready for him." "What's up Halpert ?" "Still queer ?" "Todd Packer, and I, are total BFF." "Best Friends Forever." "He and I came up together as salesman." "One time we were out, and we met this set of twins, and Packer told them that we were brothers." "And so you know, one thing lead to another, and we brought them back to the motel, and then Packer did both of them." "It was awesome !" "Ok." "Grade 'A' gossip" "Right now, Rendal, CFO, resigned, nobody knows why." "Are you kidding ?" "Everyone knows why !" "You don't know ?" "Oh ok, check this out, all right." " So here's the story." " Yeah ?" "So Rendal is nailing his secretary, right ?" "and she's totally incompetent." "Really ?" "here we go." "Buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy one." "We're talking blond incompetent." "Right?" "Like ten words a minute... talking !" "Well to be fair blondes, brunettes, sit down, there are lot of dumb people out there." "They are women, right ?" "I didn't say it !" "I said it !" "And then, suddenly for no reasons, this bimbo blows the whistle on the whole thing, just to be a bitch !" "What have I told you about the bleep button !" "Hey," "What has 2 thumbs and hates Todd Packer ?" "This guy !" "Meant to ask you" "Do you think you can get someone to drive me around because of the DUI situation ?" "Bad boy !" "Ryan ?" "Come on kid, let's go." " Man, Todd Packer could do anything." " Except pass that breathalyzer." " You a big William Hung fan?" " Why does everybody ask me that ?" "Who the hell is that ?" " I'm really excited to meet you mum !" " You are ?" "My mum is coming in to visit." "She lives likes 2 hours away, and she doesn't have a cell phone, which is cool, cause it's kind of adding some suspense to my day" "I keep looking over at the door, hoping she'll walk in !" "I've decided to show her around, she really wants to meet everybody." "Oh yeah ?" "good, cause I've a lot of questions." " Oh really ?" " Yeah." "As a child, did Pam show any traits that would endorse her future career as a receptionist ?" "Hey, send me that link to the monkey sex video," " I'm going to forward it like it's hot." " Yes !" "Forward it like it's hot." "Old school !" " Michael ?" " Yes Tobby ?" "I need to talk to you in your office, it will just take 2 seconds." "Literally 2 seconds ?" "Tobby is an HR, which technically means he works for corporate." "So he's really not a part of our family." "Also he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family." "The full story is that Rendal resigned because of sexual harassment, so corporate asks me to do a 5 minutes review of the company sexual harassment policy." "No no Tobby." "No." " It's really not a big deal, Michael." " It is a big deal, it's a big deal !" "What are we supposed to do ?" "Scrutinize every little thing we say and do all day ?" "I mean, come on !" "And then corporate is gonna send in a lawyer." "W hat ?" " Just to fresh you on our policy." " No." "What ?" "No." "Okay, what is a lawyer going to come in and tell us?" "to not send out hilarious e-mails, or not tell jokes ?" "Maybe not some of them, maybe not inappropriate ones." "There is no such thing as inappropriate joke, that's why it's a joke !" "Everyone, hello ?" "everyone, hi !" "Sorry to interrupt I know you're all busy, and the last thing you want is for a major interruption." "But Tobby has an announcement, that he insists on making right now in the middle of the day, so take it away." "Yeah, ok." "Corporate would like us to do a 5 minute review with the company sexual harassment policy, so I'll go over that later." "I wish you luck Tobby, I really do." "But you are going to have a mutiny on your hands and" "I just can't wait to see how you handle it." "A guy goes to a 5$ lady of the night, and he gets crabs." "So the next day he goes back to complain." "And the woman says :" ""Hey, it was only 5$, what did you expect, lobster ?"" "This is what's at stake." "Time to bring out the big guns." "I'm heading down to the warehouse, where jokes are born." "Find a killer joke that will just blow everybody away at the ceminar later." "And, remind them, what is great about this place." "So, here they are !" "Guys, wondering if I could get your help for something." "I'm looking for a new joke to tell, and it needs to be just killer, and it does not need to be clean." " What you've got ?" " Like a joke ?" "A knock knock joke?" "Yeah, no." "Better, better than that." "Let's have the type you guys tell all day." "Well, those are some awful tight pants you have on, where did you get them like" "Queers'r'us ?" "Boys'r'us !" "All right, but you know, a joke but not necessarily at my expense." " so work out." " Well we can see... all of your business coming around the corner ok ?" "you need to, hide that?" "Good thing you don't have a lot of business to start with." "Oh ok." "That was still about me." "Hey, so you don't have the biggest package, don't feel bad !" " I don't feel bad !" " I think he feels bad." " No I don't !" " You look like you feel bad !" " Your little package !" " Well, you know, not exactly what I was looking for but thanks guys !" "Thank you !" "Little package !" " You look good in those pants." " he got it from his mama !" "So remember intent is irrelevant." "And that's it." "Pam ?" "I just wanted to say that just my mum is coming in today." " MILF !" " Thanks Kevin." "Usually the day we talk about sexual harassment, is the day that everyone harasses me as a joke." "She's coming in today, and maybe just don't joke around about that stuff in front of her." " Great point." " Thank you." "In fact, basic rule of thumb :" "let's just act everyday likes Pam's mum coming in." "All right that's it, anybody has any questions about anything, you know where I sit in the back." " Hi !" "Is it over ?" " Yes." " I can go over it with you." " I know, I know it's good." "It is not over until it's over." "Did he tell you everything ?" "It's over." "Obviously he didn't because you all still look relatively happy," "Albeit, bored." "Do you realize what we are losing ?" "seriously ?" "E-mail forwards ?" "Exactly !" "Can we afford to lose e-mail forwards ?" "Do we want that ?" "I hate them, you send me these filthy e-mails, and you say forward them to 10 people or you'll have bad luck." "Give me a break." "Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk ?" "Centerfold in a catholic schoolgirls outfit ?" "I mean it is hot, it is sexy and it turns him on and I will admit, that best part of my mornings is staring at it." "But what ?" "are we gonna just take it away ?" "That is my daughter, she goes to Catholic girls school," "I'm taking it down right now." " What about office romance ?" " Office relationships are... never a good idea so let's just try to avoid them." "But if you already have one, you should disclose it to HR." "All relationships ?" "even a one night stand ?" "I think the old honor system was fine." "For example I have never slept with an employee, and believe me I could have." " Yeah Meredith !" " No no Catherine, remember her ?" "remember how hot she was ?" "She would have definitely slept with me." "Yes !" " She wasn't that hot !" " Yes she was !" " Damn it Kevin !" "come o..." " Ok, you know Michael..." "I'm in an office relationship." "It's special." "She's nice, she's shy, she's actually here if you wanna meet her, hold on one second." "Oh my god !" "put on a shirt !" "put on..." "I told you that you'd be on camera !" "I'm sorry she's European." "No I told you that you'd be on camera !" "Stop it !" "What if Pam was a lesbian ?" "What if she brought her "partner" into work ?" "will that be crossing the line ?" "No !" "What if they made out, in front of everybody ?" " Well that would be..." " at home !" "and I told everybody everything about it." " Okay I'm lost." " Okay, well then let's act it out !" "Pam, you will be girl A, and girl B will be..." "Okay we'll use the doll." "Pam ?" "Pam ?" "I wish Todd Packer was here, cause he would love this." "I wonder if anybody else would like to join us." "Ooh, it's coming out of my mouth.Hey !" "We have to watch Tobby's video, that he's, uh, showing us in order to brain wash us and now I was wondering if anybody like to join-in ?" "It could be fun !" "Got microwave pizza." "What do you say ?" " Jim ?" " No thanks I'm good." "That's what she said." " Pam ?" " My mother's coming." "That's what she said." "No, but ok, well suit yourself." " Hey Tobby." " Hey Dwight." "You said that we could come to you if we had any questions ?" "Sure." "Where is the clitoris ?" "On a website it said at the crest of the labia." "What does that mean ?" "What is the female vagina look like ?" "Technically I am in human resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy." "I'm just sad the, public school system failed him so badly." "You know, maybe when you get really comfortable with each other," " you can ask for that." " Good." "Good." "And..." " I should get back to work." " Ok." "Intoday'sfastpacedbusinessclimate, it can sometimes be hard to know when a comment or an action, crosses the line." "Let's take a look at a couple of scenarios and ask ourselves :" ""Where is the line ?"" "Natural Redhead" "Hey Rach !" " Hey Joe, Mike !" "Hey settle a bet : are you a natural redhead ?" "Oh my... !" "Hey, stop the video !" "Stop it right this, stop it right there !" "That's the girl from that thing," "I banged this girl, right here." " That's her ?" " Yes, this is the one, you remember ?" " The party ?" " You banged her ?" "Right here, you are a naughty girl !" "Ok, hypocrite, she is a hypocrite !" "That is such a scam !" "Ok !" "Yes, yes I did." "Ok." "But we can talk about that later." "You are not gonna believe this, the girl in the video we are watching, the corporate gave us, Darryl banged her !" "And he's about 90% sure." "Don't ever let this little bitch drive you around town we got lost for half an hour." "I don't have any DUI so I can drive myself, but thanks." "Where is Michael Snot ?" "Sniffing some dude stone ?" "Probably." "So you are the lawyer, Mr. O'Malley, I know a lot of lawyer jokes." " I love lawyer jokes." " Well it's probably cause you don't get 'em." "When I said before that I was king of forwards, you gotta understand that I don't come up with these stuff." "I just forward it along." "You wouldn't arrest a guy who is just delivering drugs from one guy to another." "You seem a little bit agitated Michael what's the problem ?" "The problem is that I am the boss and apparently I can't say anything." "Well, that's true, in a way, you can't say anything." "Where's the line ?" "Where's the line Jan ?" " Do you need to see the video again, Michael ?" " No, I've seen the video." " He talked the all time." " No I didn't !" "What ?" "Attention everyone, hello ?" "Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision, but from here on out, we can no longer be friends." "And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss a work associated things." "And you can consider this my retirement from comedy." "And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression, I will no longer, ever, do any of those things." " Does that include "That's what she said" ?" " Yes." "Well that is really hard." "You really think you can go all day long ?" "Well you always leave me satisfied and smiling so." "That's what she said !" "Michael, Michael !" " Come on !" " Michael please." " Here he is." " Please." "Good one !" "You would have done the same, you just didn't think of it first." "Michael please, that's not my sense of humor." "Hello !" "Jan, Mr. O'Malley, this is my lawyer James P. Albiny," "Your what ?" "I believe you may recognize his face from the billboards." "He's specializes in free speech issues." "And motorcycle head injuries, workers comp., and die appeal lawsuits." " This guy does it all." " Excuse me, I'm sorry." "Michael, Mr. O'Malley is your lawyer." "What ?" "Mr. O'Malley is our corporate lawyer, we have him on retainer, to protect the company, as well as upper level management, such as yourself." "So I'm not in trouble ?" "I am so used to being the bad boy." "I am so used to fighting corporate, that I forget that I am corporate, upper management." "They hooked me up with an attorney, to protect me." "You can't be too careful about what you say, more money more problems." "Ok well let's get you out of here James !" "I think we're under an hour still so..." "Yeah but I did a lot of paperwork at home before I got here !" "We'll talk about it later, thanks for coming in !" " Hello." " Oh my god !" " Hi honey !" " Hello !" "I love my mum." "Okay, that's probably the most obvious statement ever." " This is all yours ?" " Yeah, I'm in charge of this..." "Oh my godness." "So a guy goes home and tells his wife :" ""Honey, pack your bags, I just won the lottery"" "she was "Oh my god !" "that's incredible, where are we going ?"" "He goes "I don't know where you're going just be out of here by five !"" " This is where I used to keep my computer." " All right, I remember with the picture." "Yeah, yeah but I switch stuff around because I actually needed like more room for organization." " Sure." " This is like... organization station." " Oh there he is." " Hey handsome." " You look great." "Oh thank you." "So, we're ready for dinner ?" "Well, you know, actually I kind of need to stall a bit but it's ok because I am very used to get in time." "I'm gonna go wait in the parking lot and what kinda tunes you want for the ride !" " You're classical or oldies ?" " Anything is fine." "Ok, well see ya !" " So, which one is Jim ?" " Mum !" " Just wanted to know." " No !" " All right." "Ok." " Ten minutes," " Then we can go to dinner." " I'll make myself busy." "There's this guy he's at a nymphomaniac convention," "And he is psyched 'cause all these women are smoking hot perfect tens except for this one chick who looks a lot like..." " Phyllis ?" " No no no no, that crosses the line." " Ex-squeeze me ?" " Not you." "Kevin, just unwarranted it, hostile work environment Kevin." " Packer said it." " No, you said it." "He pointed, a point is not a say." "Look, Kevin, we are a family here, and Phyllis is a valuable member of that family, like a grand-mother." " I'm the same age as you Michael." " Well I don't know about that." " We were the same high school class." " Well, I've late birthdays, usually Septembers a cut off point..." "You know what you just crossed the line, ok ?" "There is a line, and you went over it, and you must be punished." "So go to your corner." " You mean where my desk is ?" " Yes to your corner, go." "Ok, I have a lot of work to do anyway." "Oh my !" "They really got to you, didn't they ?" "They didn't get to me, I got to them." "I am still the same old Michael Scott, new and improved." "You know what ?" "I love Phyllis, you know what else ?" "I think she is gorgeous," "I think she is an incredibly, incredibly attractive person." "Come here, give me a kiss, come on !" "Michael come on you don't have to worry I'm not gonna report you to HR." "I'm not worried." "You know what, the only thing I am worried about, is getting a boner." "Good work today everybody." "Times have changed a little." "And even now we're still a family here at Dundler Mifflin, families grow." "And at some point the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore." "I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as I might want to." "He said what ?"