"WALTER: (AS BEAVER) This is a picture of Walter Black, a hopelessly depressed individual." "Somewhere inside him is a man who fell in love, who started a family..." "And then I woke up." "...who ran a successful company." "That man has gone missing." "No matter what he's tried, and he's tried everything," "Walter can't seem to bring him back." "It's as if he's died but hasn't had the good sense to take his body with him." "So, mostly, what he does is sleep." "Shares in his father's once-proud toy company are now almost as worthless as Walter feels." "His family used to resemble something out of a holiday greeting card but now seems to be in perpetual mourning." "Henry, his youngest, has become what his teachers call "solitary."" "He'd like to become invisible one day instead of merely unnoticed by his own father." "And, Porter, his eldest?" "Well, he's terrified of becoming just like his father." "His mission?" "To catalog every dreaded similarity that links them." "Every lip bite." "Every neck crack." "Every involuntary behavior." "He plans to erase them one by one." "His wife, Meredith, has hidden herself behind her engineering work and nighttime conference calls to Tokyo and rollercoaster designs." "Anything to drown out the reality of an absent husband." "Walter's depression is an ink that stains everything it touches." "A black hole that swallows all who get near." "They've all been waiting for him to wake up, to snap out of it," "but he hasn't." "So, Meredith does the only thing left to do and says the only thing left to say." "Goodbye." "Jared, you're failing this class." "Do you honestly think you can suddenly hand in an "A" paper and get away with it?" "What about Hector?" "You got him an "A" in Family Development." "Look, I've never written anything for Hector." "All right?" "If he told you differently, he's a liar." "Hypothetically, had I written him something, we would have raised his grades incrementally." "And if that happened, then, yes, he might have turned in an "A" paper." "He might even be making a "B" in a class that he used to be failing." "So, if someone wanted me to do this, and do it as them, in their voice and at their skill level," "I would say that they could either do it my way or take your chances buying some piece of shit off the Internet." "$200 every time?" "PORTER:" "If it's too much, write it yourself." "(BELL ringing)" "More than I pay for weed." "(STUDENTS chattering)" "Sorry, buddy." "You passed me again." "meredith:" "I know, honey. I was looking." "How was your day?" "Did you talk to anyone?" "I guess." "A new person or an old person?" "New." "Good." "What did you talk about?" "He said I was a ball-licker." "I told him I wasn't, and he threw me in the dumpster." "What?" "Did you tell your teacher?" "She got me out of the dumpster." "Well, this must be some kind of misunderstanding, and we just have to realign or correct their.. ." "I'll talk to the teacher." "is Dad gone?" "No." "He's not gone, honey." "We just agreed that it's better if we don't live together anymore." "Okay?" "(music playing ON TV)" "MASTER PO: (ON TV) What do you look for beyond the sea, Grasshopper?" "GRASSHOPPER:" "That part of me which I know little of." "The past of which I was born." "MASTER PO:" "Then, some day, you must seek it." "GRASSHOPPER:" "is it good to seek the past, Master Po?" "Does it not rob the present?" "MASTER PO:" "If a man dwells on the past, then he robs the present." "But if a man ignores the past, he may rob the future." "The seeds of our destiny are nurtured..." "That's beautiful, Grasshopper." "Here." "Here you go." "You moved." "(breathing heavily)" "(GRUNTS)" "Oi!" "(pipes CLATTERlNG)" "Hmm." "You know, since we're making changes around here, maybe you want to get, like, a plumber or something." "I mean, this place is falling apart." "Well, that's too bad, because there's really not much we can do about it, is there?" "Whoa, relax. I'm on your side, okay." "I'm glad you kicked him out." "I'm just saying this whole eating-at-the-table thing together." "I mean, that's.. ." "How long do you expect us to keep that up?" "I don't know, Porter." "Maybe until we start respecting each other again?" "You know, maybe when we start asking each other how was our day and clearing out the dishes.. ." "Maybe I should get a paper route, too." "JON STEWART: (ON TV) Then I'm going to guess the number." "If I guess right, we do the kitten story." "Two big stories to get to tonight, unfortunately..." "(WALTER sighs)" "WALTER: (lN COCKNEY ACCENT) Wake up." "Wake up, you worthless sod." "Bloody hell." "Look at you." "Stone-drunk and flattened by a television." "(SWALLOWS)" "That's quite an obituary you're working up for yourself, Walter." "(BREATHES heavily)" "Leave me alone." "No." "Can't do that." "You don't want that." "'Cause I'm the only one what knows how you really feel." "Everybody needs a friend, Walter." "And you've got me." "That's why you read all them useless self-help books." "Chicken Soup, Positive Thinking, How to Win Friends." "Which one has the chapter about dropping the telly on your head?" "I'm sick." "Yeah, Walt." "On that, we agree." "The question is, do you want to get better?" "I can't." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "You're depressed." "Yeah." "Lethargic." "Anhedonia." "Wake up!" "Books and pills." "They're cotton candy." "You've seen too many home-improvement shows." "You think you can just splash up some paint and rearrange the furniture, and everything will be all right." "You want things to change?" "I mean, really change?" "You gotta forget about home improvement, Walter." "You have gotta blow up the whole bloody building." "What are you gonna do, Walter?" "Blow it up." "Louder!" "Blow it up." "Louder!" "Blow it up!" "Blow it the fuck up!" "Blow it up!" "Blow it up!" "Right." "Too right, mate." "You can blow it up." "Start again." "Who are you?" "I'm the Beaver, Walter, and I'm here to save your goddamn life." "Hey." "I'm sorry. I must have passed him again." "He just blends in." "No, his dad picked him up early." "Walter?" "He said he sent you a text." "Your husband is quite a character." "Mom, you gotta see what we did." "Okay." "Where's your father?" "Come on!" "I'll show you." "You put your memory in it." "Where'd you get that?" "We made it." "You and your dad?" "Me and the Beaver." "The Beaver?" "(DOOR OPENS)" "Any idea where Walter stuffed the power sander you gave him two Christmases ago?" "No?" "No trouble." "We'll make do." "meredith:" "Walter, what's with the accent and the puppet?" "Give her the thing." "Right." ""Hello." "The person who handed you this card" ""is under the care of a prescription puppet.' '" "Walter, what the hell is this?" "Henry, mate, go see if you can find that varnish we was talking about." "l'll get it!" "Thanks, mate!" "Did you read the card?" "Yes, I.. ." "Read the card." "l've.. ." "Read the card." ""The person who handed you this card is under the care of a prescription puppet" ""designed to help create a psychological distance between himself" ""and the negative aspects of his personality." ""Please treat him as you normally would" ""but address yourself to the puppet." "Thank you.' '" "There you go." "ls this some kind of a joke?" "No, hardly, love." "Nothing funny about it." "Stop it with the puppet!" "All right. I'm confused, Walter, and I need some answers right now." "He said if I stick with it that maybe.. ." "He?" "Who said that?" "Dr. Macy." "Dr. Macy?" "You quit seeing him." "Well, I went back." "So this is some kind of a program?" "I'll field that one." "Yes, Meredith." "The answer is yes." "That is exactly what it is." "I know it seems radical, but in cases like Walter's, cases where all else has been known to fail, it's proven quite effective." "But if it's going to work, it's going to need your full support." "It's very big in Sweden." "HENRY:" "I couldn't find it." "Ah." "No worries." "I best be on me bike." "You're not leaving, are you?" "Don't worry." "I'll come back this weekend, then." "But you have to stay for dinner!" "Mom, let him stay for dinner!" "Look, it's all right." "l don't need to." "Please, Mom, let him stay for dinner." "l'll come back this weekend, then." "Come on." "lt's okay." "Just for dinner." "Please, Mom." "Yeah!" "Well, right, then." "Let's tidy up the garage so we can mess up the kitchen." "Come on." "Don't touch anything sharp." "Hey." "What the hell am I doing here?" "I need you to write me something." "(SCOFFS) I knew it." "He thinks I'm going to fall for this?" "Who?" "Mumphry, or whatever vice-principal sent you." "Tell him I'm insulted." "Hey, will you hold on for a second?" "No one sent me." "I really need help." "Look, you're the valedictorian, all right." "You have a 4.0 ." "I copy off of you in calculus." "Why would you want me to write you a paper?" "It's not a paper." "It's my graduation speech." "Save your money." "No one gives a shit about those things." "Yeah, well, my mom will." "So.. ." "Not that I'm saying that you write other people's papers for them, but if you did, I hear that you're really good at making yourself sound like them." "Getting inside their heads." "That's what I need." "No way." "Why?" "Because it's one thing for your little anorexia squad to get by on their looks." "That's all they've got." "But for someone like you, it's just lazy." "Hold on." "Wait a minute." "Does this look lazy to you?" "That is 428 pages of lazy." "And if you don't want to take my money because you're just dying to see me make an ass of myself, then that's fine." "But don't you dare call me lazy." "Douche." "(MUFFLED singing)" "Thank you very much." "You want olives in your salad?" "HENRY:" "Yeah." "Here you go." "Watch this." "(GRUNTlNG)" "Would you like some more?" "What the.. ." "There he is." "Hello." "My card." "We was afraid we'd have to start without you." "(sighs)" "This is a joke, right?" "WALTER:" "No, son, it's a fresh start." "Have you completely lost your mind?" "l know it seems a bit.. ." "l'm not talking to you, nut job." "I'm talking to Mom." "It takes you years to get him out of here, and you let him come back the next night with a talking hamster?" "JON STEWART:" "Failure on this scale doesn't happen overnight." "meredith:" "Still I can't believe that you guys made that." "I mean, you never.. ." "I mean, Walter never.. ." "I'm sorry. I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to address you." "Well, you're doing fine, love." "Well, tools were always on your Christmas list, but I had no idea that you knew how to actually make anything." "He's a beaver, Mom." "That's what they do." "WALTER:" "Yeah." "Spot on, mate." "But, you know, Walter wasn't half-bad himself, at one time." "Yeah?" "Who taught him?" "WALTER:" "I suppose he taught himself." "He was about your age, yeah." "Cub Scouts." "He and his pop were supposed to make a racecar for a contest." "Except, his pop weren't around so he had to do it himself." "Where was his dad?" "He got very sad and he had an accident." "You mean Grandpa Jerry from the graveyard?" "Right-o." "Anyway, Walter had Grandpa's tools but no clue how to use them." "So, what he ended up making was so awful that it looked like he'd screwed a set of wheels onto a piece of dog crap." "(HENRY chuckling)" "And you know what the other kids called it?" "The Turd." "That was generous, mate." "One lady threw up all over herself just 'cause it got close to her." "But when it came to racing.. ." "What?" "The Turd could not be beat." "Sweet." "Yeah." "Dad?" "Yeah, mate?" "Can we make a Turd?" "Yeah, any time, mate." "You give the word, we'll make the Turd." "Yeah." "Good night, Beaver." "Good night, mate." "(kissing)" "Good night." "HENRY:" "Good night, Beaver." "Hello?" "Norah." "Hey, it's Porter." "Listen, what I said earlier.. ." "So, are you going to help me or not?" "Yeah." "But for this sort of thing, I'm going to have to ask you for, like, $500?" "Done." "Wow." "Would you have gone $1,000?" "Oh, yeah." "How about a million?" "Can you come by tomorrow?" "Yeah!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Absolutely." "You know, I didn't.. ." "Look, I.. ." "We're cool, right?" "I.. ." "I'm.. ." "You've never even said a word to me, you know, and..." "Porter?" "And it's not like we" "know each other or anything..." "Yeah." "Just come by tomorrow." "Okay." "Okay." "WALTER:" "Good night!" "See you soon." "(humming)" "Trust me, mate." "Today will set you free." "What the hell is this?" "I have no idea." "This is layoffs, isn't it?" "Goddamn China." "WALTER:" "Nobody's getting laid off." "Get rid of you lot?" "I'd have no one to boss around, yeah?" "The boss woke up and brought a friend." "(PEOPLE chuckling) I think we should maintain some respect until Mr. Black tells us.. ." "Good morning, all." "I assume you all got the cards." "If not, allow me to briefly explain." "Walter Black ascended to CEO of this company two years ago." "Not through any particular skill or merit, but because Walter was next in line rather than our infinitely more qualified VP standing right here." "Hello, love." "It was a job Walter was, well, ill-prepared to handle." "Basically, well.. ." "Walter's been a loser." "Which is why, as of now, he is resigning and putting me in charge." "So, before you decide to run me out on a rail with all the flaming torches and pitchforks, hear me out, give me five minutes, then you may tear me to shreds, if you like." "First, I will be ceding control of all individual projects back to the teams themselves." "That means you will be free and entrusted to do the jobs you was hired to do in the first place." "Hello, Hank." "Second, we will revamp, revitalize, re-launch at the lnternational Game and Toy Manufacturers Expo in six weeks' time." "Now, I know there's a very high degree of skepticism about my ability to lead." "Isn't that right?" "I mean, middle-aged man with his arm stuck up my bum." "Right?" "Who wouldn't doubt me?" "But I'll make you the following deal." "You give me two weeks, just two, and at the end of that time, anyone who wants to resign will receive severance pay and a glowing letter of recommendation." "No questions asked, no exceptions." "MAN:" "Excuse me?" "And who exactly are you supposed to be?" "Bollocks." "Did I forget to introduce meself?" "You may simply call me the Beaver." "Impressive." "So, what do you need to know?" "Well, I guess the first thing is, what do you want to say?" "Well, that's kind of the problem." "I mean, I got good grades." "Big deal." "What do I know?" "Okay." "Well, how do you want people to feel when you're done?" "I guess I just want them to feel not let down." ""Not let down.' '" "That's powerful." ""l'm excited, pumped." "How are you doing?"" ""Me?" "I'm not let down.' '" "(LAUGHS) I told you that I suck." "This is why I need you." "Okay, well, you're a cheerleader, notorious hothead." "Could we talk about you getting expelled from the eighth grade?" "How did you find out about that?" "No secrets on the Internet." "What did you do?" "Did you steal some encyclopedias?" "Chew some nicotine gum?" "No." "What?" "Tease a fat kid?" "Shut up." "All right." "So, what is it?" "I was tagging." "Tagging?" "Like.. ." "Like graffiti tagging?" "More like art. lt was just illegal." "Where's all this rebel-artist shit now?" "That was a long time ago." "You still have some, don't you?" "Yeah." "Show me, please." "No." "If you show me, I will write you a speech that you could free Tibet with." "Why do you want to see it so bad?" "Because I like to be surprised." "We have to be quick." "All right." "Whose room is this?" "NORAH:" "No one's." "Oh, wow." "I like to do it big." "Like freeways, buildings, billboards." "And fast." "Like I'm running a million miles an hour." "No thinking, you know?" "Why did you stop?" "'Cause I got caught and my mom couldn't take it." "Anyway, I threw them all away." "Someone must have liked them." "Pulled them out of the trash, didn't they?" "Who was it?" "NORAH'S MOM:" "What are you doing in here?" "I was just showing Porter around the house." "He's on the math team with me." "Right." "Time to go." "Hey, I'm sorry about my mom." "She's just, you know.. ." "That's fine." "You know, you are so much weirder.. ." "Not weird, I just mean, like, different, I guess." "You're a lot more different than I thought you'd be." "You know, for someone I'm paying a lot of money to write a speech for me, you're not very articulate." "I'm much better on paper." "We'll see." "Thank you for not laughing, I guess." "I wouldn't do that." "I wouldn't laugh." "Good." "Very, very good." "(swim until YOU CAN'T SEE LAND playing)" "(singing) We salute at the threshold of the North Sea in my mind" "And a nod to the boredom that drove me here" "To face the tide and swim I swim, oh, swim" "WALTER: (AS BEAVER) And, eventually, what seems strange becomes common." "What seemed impossible becomes real." "(singing) Up to my knees now, do I wait?" "Do I dive?" "The sea has seen my like before though it's my first and perhaps last time" "Let's call me a Baptist, call this the drowning of the past" "She's there on the shoreline Throwing stones at my back" "So swim until you can't see land" "Swim until you can't see land" "Swim until you can't see land" "Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?" "WALTER: (AS BEAVER) Until things almost start to feel the way they used to." "Fixed it, love." "Working like a charm." "It's like it's all brand new." "(HAMMERlNG)" "Walter." "Walter, wake up." "Wake up." "Mmm." "What?" "It's Henry." "He snuck out of his room." "He's down in the garage again by himself." "Well, tell him to come to bed." "I know. I tell him every night, but he needs to hear it from, you know, you." "Yeah." "I'm on it." "Whoa, where are you going this time of night?" "I'm gonna tell the little guy to knock it off so I can sleep." "Right." "I was going to the same place." "Come on." "Let's triple-team him." "That's okay." "You've got your little furry friend." "Good night." "What are you making besides a racket?" "You couldn't sleep, either?" "Well, actually, mate, I was having a brilliant kip till you started banging away." "I just had this idea." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, let's have the idea in the morning." "Just 10 more minutes, please?" "Ten more minutes, all right, yes." "But no more mucking about with tools when I'm not around. lt's not safe." "Or when your mother's asked you not to." "Or at night." "Or in a toilet." "Or when you're climbing Mount Everest." "Or picking your nose." "Agreed?" "Agreed." "There you go." "Can you talk to me?" "I like it when you talk." "What do you want me to talk about?" "Doesn't matter." "Just talk." "You have a funny voice." "You're quite easily entertained, aren't you?" "Give you a buzz saw, a block of wood, and some chatter.. ." "(WALTER humming)" "meredith:" "Hey, Walter, did you talk to him?" "Yes, and everything's fine." "He'll stick to the schedule." "What's going on?" "I've had a breakthrough, love." "Got to get to work right away." "Now?" "Not a moment to spare!" "You're a goddess." "Sir?" "You're in early." "Just the woman I wanted to see." "Have a look at this." "Now, we need to get started on this right away." "It's a beaver?" "It's the future." "This?" "WALTER:" "The Talking Beaver Woodworking Set." "You get your basic tools, a block of wood and a talking beaver to work right alongside of you." "You should see the kids, love." "I mean, they've got their cell phones and their computers, but, wow, you give them a block of wood, a hammer and a saw?" "Bob's their bleeding auntie." "Their poor little brains are starving for something like this." "So, you're talking about a new product line for what?" "Christmas?" "Christmas?" "I'm talking about right now, woman." "Today." "This morning." "I guess there could be an ancillary market in more tools." "Maybe pre-cut lumber pieces?" "Sort of like Lego kits but made of wood." "And you can work them into shapes on your own." "Now, that's using your scone." "Not just made out of wood, is it?" "Let's go." "But this would mean, I mean, even if we could get one ready in time, this is all we would have for the Expo." "That's all we'll need, my darling." "WALTER: (AS BEAVER) And for every person that points out that there's a rodent at the helm, there's another to remind him or her that production has already increased by 35% ." "At the end of those first two weeks, not one person resigns." "Not one." "WALTER:" "Now, we're going to start with.. ." "The Beaver, as a core item, along with endless project kits could produce an exponential return." "The question is, do we want to continue struggling merely to survive, or do we want to embrace something new, something different, and see where it takes us?" "WALTER: (AS BEAVER) Once again, our beloved Jerry Co." "has vision, power, energy, balls." "Item number three this morning, we've got some fabrication concerns." "Why are you all laughing?" "(panting)" "Did you talk to Dr. Macy today?" "Indeed." "He says we're coming along just brilliantly." "Well, did he give you some kind of a timeline for when the treatment might be over?" "No, nothing specific, love." "Like a week, or a month, or.. ." "It's a process, love." "We'll know when the time is right." "Now, rest up, you delicious little tart." "There's more where that came from." "Hector, what do I always say, man?" "Read it before you turn it in." "It was about your own family, for Christ's sake." "I just figured since it was personal, there wouldn't be no test questions on it." "But your own grandma turned you in." "Yes." "She was so proud." "Talking about the stuff that you had wrote about her back in the day in D.R ." "And then all of a sudden, she could just tell I knew nothing about it." "So, she starts crying." "She calls the principal, says she doesn't.. ." "All right." "My name stays out of this." "You understand that, right?" "She called me a liar and a cheater." "All right, all right, all right." "Look." "Okay, I'm gonna make a dummy website, all right?" "You tell them you sent in your money, you got your paper." "That's all you know, okay?" "Hector, look, I gotta go." "I'm gonna give you the website tomorrow, all right?" "Hector!" "Yes, yes, yes." "Great." "Good." "Norah!" "Hey." "Hey." "Why are you all sweaty?" "l was doing yoga." "Manly." "Downward Dog's a bitch." "Are you busy tonight?" "Are you asking me out?" "No." "Not at all." "I was just gonna casually inquire if you're busy without making it seem like I'd been up all night planning something elaborate." "Have you been up all night planning something elaborate?" "Yeah, I have, like, maps and stuff." "(LAUGHS)" "You can pick me up at 7:00." "I have to be back at 1 2:00." "Awesome, so it's a date. I mean, it is, right?" "We'll see." "Cool." "Don't mess this up." "You let me lead, all right?" "Are you almost ready?" "Reservation's at 8:00." "Bloody hell, woman." "Look at you." "Well, you're looking pretty good yourself." "Yeah, well, you ain't seen nothing yet." "Yeah?" "The girls whipped up something special for me." "We're talking full-on tux, love." "Yeah." "Just give us a minute to pop it on, and we'll be off." "Wait, it's our anniversary, honey." "That's why I went for the penguin suit." "I do not want to celebrate 20 years of marriage with a puppet." "I'm sorry. I've been very patient and I've been very supportive, but I want you, not him." "Not tonight." "Hi." "Black, party of two." "So, when do I get to see some of your pages?" "Never. it's a pyramid scheme." "l didn't tell you that?" "No." "You didn't get the brochure?" "l'm kidding. I'll get it done." "You better." "I'm not giving you 500 bucks just so you can buy a flat screen for your dorm room." "I'm not buying a flat screen for my dorm room." "Then, what?" "A mummy." "No mummy." "Then, what?" "What's it going to?" "Nothing." "Mmm-mmm." "A guy like you doesn't do anything for no reason." "You've got a plan." "I was listening to the radio and, apparently, it's gonna be really hot this weekend." "Not hot-hot, just above average." "So, how's work?" "Good." "Yeah, busy." "Busy?" "NORAH:" "Maps?" "That's what you're saving all your money for?" "Yeah." "Okay, explain, because right now, it's looking like where you hide your bodies." "lt is." "Every red dot is a dead body." "(laughing)" "Just trying to be honest." "Okay, really, what's it for?" "It's, like, all these places where everything changed in the blink of an eye." "Like the balcony where Martin Luther King got shot." "The train tracks where Woody Guthrie hopped on his first train." "And?" "And I just visit them and then I end up at Brown the day before school starts." "It's kind of like a find-yourself trip?" "No." "More like a lose-stuff trip." "What kind of stuff do you want to lose?" "At last count, 49 things." "An elaborate, mysterious plan, and a little weird." "But I like it." "It's your paper-writing dollars at work." "What was that for?" "You said you liked to be surprised." "Ready?" "For what?" "It's a great place." "It's kind of scary but beautiful." "Look, I wasn't sure which color you liked, so I kind of got everything." "I hope you like sunburst yellow." "Porter?" "Porter, come on." "What are you doing?" "is this fantastic, or what?" "Are you kidding?" "It's awesome, but I'm not going to touch it." "Why not?" "Because." "Because, what?" "Why not?" "Because I don't want to." "Come on, Norah." "You have this amazing thing that you do." "You just put all of yourself out there." "All I can do is sound like other people." "l know you have something to say." "Okay." "Knock yourself out." "You do it." "Come on." "No. I don't paint." "Why not?" "You're so good at being other people." "Well, maybe if I could paint I would, but.. ." "Porter, just start." "Okay." "What are you going to do?" "Write "Norah + Porter forever"?" "Because that'd be pretty cute." "Right?" "That's what you've been wanting to say." "No." "You wrote 400 pages of notes." "Not one word about him?" "What happened to my brother is none of your business." "Do you understand?" "I just thought there was something you wanted to say and you didn't know how." "It's none of your business." "What kind of person does something like this?" "What's the matter with you?" "(siren wails)" "Go on." "Open it." "Henry helped me, which basically means that I bought the wood and he did all the work." "It's a memory box." "It's very nice." "Thank you." "Look inside." "I thought it was important to remind ourselves of how things were." "How things should be." "(breathing heavily)" "Walter." "No, no, no. lt's okay. lt's okay." "(panting) ls this what you want?" "is this progress?" "Christ, woman!" "He's suffering from depression, not amnesia!" "You think the problem is he can't remember these things?" "No." "He can't go back." "Don't you see that?" "This is all in the past, and dredging it up.. ." "Do you know where this leads?" "You know where this Walter goes?" "To a 10th floor balcony, tied to a shower curtain rod." "is that what you want?" "You want the rest of your life to be just like tonight?" "Well, that was Walter." "No, Walter." "No, come on." "Look at this." "You really look at this." "That's you, Walter." "Remember that?" "When Porter was born, and he was so little?" "And they pulled him out of me, and you stood right by him." "You looked him right in the eye, and you let him know that you weren't going anywhere, that you were staying right there so he wouldn't be scared." "Walter, that's you." "That's the man I love." "That's the man I need." "You're still inside there, honey." "I know you're in there." "We can go back." "We can get back to the way that we used to be." "We are not going down that street again, Meredith." "This man is a dead end." "He's gone." "He has to be." "You get it?" "I fought for you." "I practically breathed for you for two years when you couldn't even get out of bed, and I will continue to fight for you because I love you." "I've got to know that you're coming back." "Come back to me, please." "Walter?" "(CELL PHONE vibrating)" "Walter?" "Norah, I can't take this again." "Come on." "Hello." "We came as soon as we heard." "I'm the Beaver, and this is Porter's dad, Walter." "Listen, we'll get it all sorted." "I'm here now so we'll take care of things." "Have a nice safe drive home." "WALTER:" "Wait." "Porter, mate, hang about." "Come on." "We can discuss this." "Come on." "Give me that thing!" "Calm down!" "Give it to me!" "Goddamn it!" "Stop it!" "Give me that thing!" "Stop!" "Leave him alone!" "(GRUNTS)" "Porter!" "Porter!" "Oh, my God." "Porter, are you okay?" "Are you all right?" "Porter, let me see your hands." "Are they bleeding?" "I'm sorry, son. I didn't mean to do that." "You keep your hands off him!" "Porter, come on." "Let me see." "meredith:" "Are you happy now?" "Porter?" "Porter?" "It's Christmas in May." "That's what some retailers are saying with Mr. Beaver Woodchopper Kits selling out in droves." "Recently, Jerry Co." "had been in steep decline, hovering on the verge of bankruptcy earlier this year." "But thanks to Mr. Beaver, that won't be happening any time soon." "It's like a $100 million ad campaign, for free!" "(sighs)" "Jerry Co.' s back in the game." "The old man would be so proud." "I've got to hand it to you." "You pulled all the strings, and look where we landed." "On top, for once." "lt feels good, doesn't it?" "They." "Sir?" "My family." "Who's the biggest interview request we've had so far?" "All the morning shows." "CNN, CNBC.. ." "Today Show, then." "Set it up." "But, sir, the Today Show is on television." "What are we hiding?" "We're winners." "We should be shouting it from the rooftops." "It would certainly be a story." "I'm gonna tell you something that I've never told anyone else, but I think you're ready to hear it." "Okay." "I'm not a puppet." "I'm real." "I'm alive." "And the world needs to know." "(WALTER CLEARS THROAT)" "You all right, love?" "Some trouble?" "I talked to Dr. Macy today." "What did he have to say for himself?" "He says that you haven't been to see him in over a year." "Dr. Macy says that you're sick, Walter." "Very sick." "Yeah." "Right." "He said this sounds like some kind of a mania." "Okay, well, who gives a shit what Dr. Macy has to say?" "I fixed him." "Everybody else seems to get it." "Henry, people at work." "Everyone except you." "Does that tell you something?" "You just want to live like this forever?" "Talking through your hand?" "I'd say it's been a pretty smashing success so far, wouldn't you?" "You need help, Walter!" "You need help!" "You're sick." ""Help.' ' Eat the pill, read the book, see the bleeding expert." "Walter finally helped himself." "Listen to yourself." "This is insane." "You're talking about a puppet." "No, Meredith." "You're talking about a bloody puppet." "We're talking about a miracle." "Who's "we," Walter?" "(exclaims)" "I know it's hard, mate. I know." "You can't afford to get mixed up in all of this." "You just keep moving." "Keep moving and don't look back." "You're right, of course." "Walter is sick." "But make no mistake about it, love." "I'm not going anywhere." "I've rented a house." "I'm taking the boys and everything we can carry." "I don't want you to call." "I don't want you to visit." "If you're determined to lose your mind, well, I can't stop you." "But I'm not gonna let them stand there and watch it." "Not my sons." "Insanity may play at the office, but it's not gonna work in front of a judge." "Why aren't you coming with us?" "Another time, mate." "Another time." "But I want to stay with you." "You go with your mum, all right?" "We'll get it sorted." "You'll see." "Everything will be good again real soon." "All right." "Bye." "Let's go." "Bye." "I love you, Daddy." "I love you, too, son. I love you, too." "Go on." "Off you go." "Go on." "Well, sometimes, Matt.. ." "May I call you Matt?" "MATT:" "Yeah, sure." "Sometimes, a single inspiration just comes to you in the middle of the night." "But your genius seems to hide in a stuffed toy." "So people have to doubt your sanity a little." "Well, Mozart was said to occasionally meow like a cat, but he got on all right." "Great music, don't you think?" "Walter, I want to talk about depression." "Because the way it's been told to me, this whole thing started as a way for you to deal with your mental illness." "Well, all right." "Well, sometimes, Matt, we reach a point where, in order to go on, we have to wipe the slate clean." "We start to see ourselves as a box that we're trapped inside." "And no matter how we try and escape, self-help, therapy, drugs, we just sink further and further down." "The only way to truly break out of the box is just to get rid of it altogether." "I mean, you built it in the first place." "If the people around you are breaking your spirit, who needs them?" "Your wife who pretends to love you, your son who can't even stand you." "I mean, put them out of their misery." "Starting over isn't crazy." "Crazy is being miserable and walking around half asleep, numb, day after day after day." "Crazy is pretending to be happy." "Pretending that the way things are is the way they have to be for the rest of your bleeding life." "All the potential, hope, all that joy, feeling, all that passion that life has sucked out of you." "Reach out, grab a hold of it and snatch it back from that blood-sucking rabble." "MATT:" "Walter, it's good to have you here." "Thank you." "(PEOPLE cheering)" "WALTER: (AS BEAVER) This is a picture of Walter Black, a hopelessly depressed individual" "who becomes the Beaver, who becomes a phenomenon." "There's a lot of people out there who are desperate enough to listen." "People seem to love a train wreck when it's not happening to them." "Norah, look, we need to talk." "Now's not a good time." "Yeah, well, I called you, I texted you, and I lM'd you, and it never seems like a good time." "So.. ." "Maybe you should take that as a hint." "I'm an idiot, all right?" "That's not how I wanted things to turn out." "I like you, all right?" "I actually give a shit." "You don't give a shit about me." "You don't even know me." "Look, your brother OD'd, all right?" "But ditching your own talent, what makes you you, that's not gonna bring him back." "It's just going to make you nothing." "You stay the hell away from me." "You and your psycho family." "Are you happy?" "Are you truly, truly happy?" "Because, Jon, there's something lacking in all of us." "A missing piece." "There's a little bit of a black spot or a dark spot." "lt's that obvious?" "(audience laughing)" "WALTER:" "I'm sorry to say, Jon, but Walter needs a little help." "Because he's not too articulate at the moment." "In fact, he's not well." "Get up." "Get up." "Get up, you miserable wanker." "You're not going to get much out of ol' Walter." "He's feeling a bit under the weather, you see?" "Come on. lt's a radio show." "People can't even see the puppet." "So why talk through the puppet?" "(ringing)" "Hello?" "Mere, it's me." "Walter, are you okay?" "Yeah, look, I can't.. ." "I can't.. ." "What are you doing?" "What's going on?" "Walter?" "Walter, talk to me!" "Who are you talking to?" "Hang up." "You hang up right now." "Walter?" "Can your mother stitch?" "(YELLS)" "(GRUNTlNG)" "You'll never win." "HENRY:" "I want Daddy." "Where's Daddy?" "meredith:" "I know." "HENRY:" "I want the Beaver." "Are you awake?" "Honey, you've got to go get Dad, all right?" "Why?" "He's not answering his phone, and Henry won't stop crying." "I just don't know what to do." "Please." "Come on, baby." "We're going to find Daddy soon. lt's okay." "Haven't I given you exactly what you asked for?" "You don't need them, Walter." "I love you." "I'm the only one that really, really loves you." "And that is why I would never let you go back." "Never." "I don't want to sleep anymore." "Maybe.. ." "Maybe, you know, we should work on something." "Yeah, sure, mate." "Come on." "Walter, not like this." "Don't do it." "It will be worse than before." "Much worse." "Do you want to end up a worthless, lonely piece of shit?" "You're nothing without me, Walter." "Nothing!" "I'm the only part of you that works." "(BLADE WHlRRlNG)" "I'm sorry." "(WALTER screaming)" "Walter!" "How about Henry, your kid?" "You remember him?" "Walter!" "Dad?" "BP's dropping." "Don't touch the tourniquet until he's on the table." "It's the only reason he still has a pulse." "(exit music FOR A film playing)" "(singing) Wake" "From your sleep" "The drying of your tears" "Today we escape" "MORGAN: (ON TV) As the new CEO of Jerry Co." "I want to assure people that the company is back in good hands." "(singing) Pack" "And get dressed" "Before your father hears us" "Before" "All hell" "Breaks loose" "I paid Porter $200, and he did some research." "I let my family down." "I'm really ashamed about this, and I just want to put it behind me as soon as possible." "MASTER PO: (ON TV) Grasshopper, are you fishing in our lily pond?" "meredith:" "Come on." "Let's go see your dad." "l'm not going." "Fine." "If you don't want to go, then don't go." "But you're not just going to sleep all day." "Come on." "Come on, Porter." "Let's go." "Get up!" "For Christ's sake." "Stop!" "HENRY:" "Are we going?" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Yes." "Fine." "Just do something, all right?" "Go outside, take a walk, steal a car." "I don't care." "I just don't want to find you back in bed when I get home." "NURSE:" "Your family's here." "It's okay." "Go on." "Hey, little fella." "How are you?" "Good." "What's that?" "lt's a brain." "Wow. lt's a brain!" "Mom says yours got broken." "This will come in handy." "So, are you crazy?" "Maybe." "We're working on it." "Does that mean you can come home?" "We're working on that, too." "Hey, where's your brother?" "Probably sleeping. it's all he does." "Come here." "Come here!" "I'll bite you on your ear!" "(CELL PHONE BUZZES)" "Wow." "I must have sent you 15 texts." "I'd given up on you." "Well, that makes two of us." "You were right." "I guess I had some stuff to say." "Apparently, a lot of stuff." "Anyway, now you know what's on my mind, so you can write my speech." "No." "I think I'm officially out of that business." "You owe me." "You made this for me." "Yesterday." "How come?" "Because there's more that belongs on a wall than," ""Norah has a dead brother.' '" "Even if it is a big mess." "It's amazing." "Funny. I think it's a mess, and you think it's amazing." "And I think you're amazing, and you think you're a mess." "You know what?" "I don't want to think anymore." "You still owe me a speech." "Just make sure it sounds like me." "So, do I just sit here writing and get arrested again?" "No, take it with you, dummy." "Take it with me?" "PORTER:" "Good afternoon, graduates, dead poets, painters, future Einsteins, and all those in between." "Today I'm here to warn you that you are being lied to." "Our parents, our teachers, our doctors have lied to us." "And it's the exact same lie." "The same six words," ""Everything is going to be okay."" "But what if it isn't?" "What if some of human experience is just something you inherit, like curly hair or blue eyes?" "What if pain is just in your DNA and tragedy is your birthright?" "Or what if..." "NORAH: "Or what if sometimes... " PORTER: ... sometimes..." "".. .right out of the blue, when you least expect it," ""shit just happens?" ""Shit just happens.' '" "Okay, I'm sure, right now, you're all thinking," ""Man, this is the darkest graduation speech I've ever heard.' '" "And it is." "I agree with you, but I didn't write it." "I've spent so much time waiting for this lie to come true that I finally paid someone to tell the truth for me." "I'm not okay." "Not at all." "The truth is, I'm missing something," "the thing I loved the most, the face I wish were in the front row right now." "The brother I'll never get back." "So what do I do with that?" "What do any of us do, besides lie?" "This is what I believe." "Right now, in this auditorium, there is someone who is with you." "Someone who is willing to pick you up, dust you off, kiss you, forgive you, put up with you, wait for you, carry you, love you." "So, while everything may not always be okay, one thing I know is true." "You do not have to be alone." "I didn't think you'd come." "I didn't think I would, either." "I'm just glad you're still here." "Yeah, most of me, anyway." "Yeah." "You know, when I was a little kid, man, all I ever wanted was to be like you." "Then I got older, and I just wanted to be anybody else." "And now?" "Dad." "WALTER: (AS WALTER) This is a picture of Walter Black, who had to become a beaver, who had to become a father," "so that, one day, this might just be a picture of Walter Black."