"Hey!" "It's me again." "This is a very special day." "This is day 756 of my college experience, otherwise known as graduation day!" "Wait for it." "I got the whole outfit." "I have been planning for this day for my entire life." "When I was a kid I devised this plan that I cleverly called '"The Plan. '"" "Uh..." "This is great, because nobody runs parental interference quite like Adam." "We've been best friends since freshman year." "This is Ryden's Study Song" "I worked on it so damn long" "It's to give encouragement for your big test today" "Anyway, the plan is pretty straightforward." "One, kick ass in high school so that I can get, two, a fatty scholarship." "Three, limit my beer pong enough to keep said scholarship, which I did, and..." "Hi, Ryden." "Jessica Bard here." "Just wanted to clean the slate." "I'm sorry I nabbed valedictorian, but you have to believe I will do an excellent job." "Jessica Bard, my own personal Darth Vader since the third grade." "Back to the master plan." "Number four, most importantly, land a sweet job at the finest publishing house in all of LA." "Happerman  Browning, where I will no doubt discover the next great American novel." "All right, so that's the plan." "This is it." "Malby signing off, about to embark on the first day of the rest of my life, and..." "Hey, if you're at graduation, come say hi." "I'll be the one in black." "Bye!" "You stumble down a yellow brick road" "Spinning your shoes in the air The air" "Then you hold your breath and count to nine" "Hoping that soon somebody will find you, find you" "Go on, go on, go on The stars are watching" "Just say, just say, just say What you're feeling" "You know, you know, you know You gotta take a bow and do it your way" "It's okay, ladadadadadadadada" "It's okay..." "Please welcome your class valedictorian, Jessica Bard, with tonight's keynote address." "All right, Jessica!" "Rock on, Jessie!" "Class of 2009, it is my great honor to welcome you to this evening's graduation ceremony." "I stand before you with two age-old words, carpe diem." "When we walk out these doors, I challenge each of us to not only seize the day, but to clutch it with both hands, to squeeze it with all your strength" " and drain every last living..." " Could you move down just a little?" "...breathing, victorious moment out of it." "Like when a Trojan decides to plunge his blade into the beating heart of his enemy." "He realizes it's not for his own personal glory." "He does it for the better good of the community as a whole." "We must remember that our generation is smarter, stronger and better equipped..." "Ma'am!" "Could you keep it down?" "...than any of those that came before us." " And now, it is our responsibility..." " I'm dying." "...to forge ahead and stake our rightful claim at the top." " You know what?" "This calls for a toast." " Mmm-hmm!" " What do you say, huh?" "Glasses up." " Hear, hear." "Yes." " To Ryden." " To Ryden." " To Ryden." " Who I'm very proud of." "Mmm!" "And to Adam, the A-man, who's here because we like him." "He's also here because his dad was too busy to come and his mom couldn't come because..." "Because she's dead, and..." " Hear, hear." " Cheers!" " Yeah." " To your dead mother." "Cheers." "Anyway, honey, now that you're out there looking for a job, maybe you, you know, come down and work with me." "Uh..." "She's already got something lined up." "Tell them about the big interview." "At Happerman  Browning, Monday at 10:00." " Wow!" " Hey!" "And my thesis advisor is best friends with the chief editor and has already put in a good word and everything." "And they are building these loft apartments like a block away from the offices, so they have these sweeping city views." "I could walk to work." "Didn't I tell you?" "What do you see over there?" "What do you see, right here, on this wall?" "White paint." "Bookshelves!" "All my babies, floor to ceiling, organized by title." "No, by author." "No, by genre!" "Okay." "Settle down." " It's amazing." "I'll take it." " Really?" " Really?" " Yes!" "I can feel it." "It's everything I ever imagined." "Hello!" "I love it!" "Here, I've already filled out the application." "All right, then." "I'll need a check for first and last month's rent, plus security deposit, so $3,500." "Done and done." "Hey." "Don't you think you're getting a little" " ahead of yourself there, killer?" " No." "No, I don't." " I will have enough money soon." " Okay, well, right here you wrote "Happerman  Browning" under "employer,"" "but you're not actually an employee of them." "In a couple of hours, that will be true, too, so..." " Maybe." " Here you go." "Thank you so much." "I'm hoping to start moving my stuff in on Saturday." "Just as soon as I call your references and your check clears." "Are we okay?" "Do we have enough time?" "Don't worry." "We got plenty of time." "Hey, what's up with Columbia?" "Did you hear back yet?" "Uh..." "Big envelope, so, I don't know, I guess I got in." "Wait." "Adam." "You might've gotten into law school and you haven't even opened the envelope yet?" "The shrug?" "Adam, you know how I feel about the shrug." "Another shrug?" "Adam!" "I got the double shrug?" "Hey, this is your day, okay?" " Shit!" "Shit, shit, shit..." " Okay." "No, calm down." "Calm down." "You just calm down, all right?" "My car!" "He killed my car!" "No!" " No, no, no, no, no, no, no." " No, calm down." "His insurance will pay for it." "It's fine, I'll take..." " Oh, shit." " Shit!" "Yes?" "Happerman  Browning offices?" " Yes, 18th floor." " Okay." "Excuse me, ma'am." "You got something going on right here." "Oh!" " Thanks." " Yeah, sure." "Happerman  Browning, please hold." "Happerman  Browning." "Yes, at 4:00." "Thank you." "Happerman  Browning, please hold." "Hi, I'm Ryden Malby." "I have an interview with Barbara Snaff at 10:00." "Yeah, we're actually running about two hours behind, so just fill this out and have a seat with the rest of the applicants." "Happerman  Browning." "Yes, at 4:00." "Thank you." "Sorry." "Yes, Miss Snaff." "Right away." "Stacy Moore?" "Joe Schrader?" "Caroline Hirsch?" "Jeffrey Beales?" "Kimberly Rice?" "Beth Brandon?" "Barry Jenkins?" "Gregory O'Bryant?" "Ryden Malby?" "Hello." " Please, take a seat." " Thank you." "All right." "You just graduated, yes?" " Yes, I..." " Major?" " English, with an..." " Minor?" " Communications." " Internships?" "I actually did three internships." "Penguin, Random House" " and Time Warner." " And Time Warner." "So, why do you want this job?" "Because this is not just a job to me." "This is..." "This is what I love." "This is what I'm good at." "When I was 11, at summer camp, all the other kids would go down to the lake, and I would be finishing Catcher in the Rye 'cause I couldn't get enough of Holden Caulfield." "And at 13, Bukowski's Post Office, the most explicit, inappropriate thing I'd ever come across." "It was like sex ed, except awesomely foul-mouthed." "Well, I guess what I'm getting at is that books are all I know and everything I love," "and I want this job because..." "Well, because I can't imagine ever doing anything else." "All right!" "Good." "Thank you for coming in." "I got it." "Thank you." " Jessica?" " Hi." "What are you doing here?" "They just called me in for a little meeting." "Is that a bow?" "That's nice." "Jessica Bard?" " Barbara, pleasure to meet you." " You, too." "Dean Brunswick just called me about you." "So glad I could fit you in." "Please." "I can get another job." "It won't be a problem." "I'm a college graduate!" "Well, I didn't know you were a college graduate." "Okay." "That Happerman  Browning thing, it just wasn't meant to be." "You know that, right?" "Yeah." "It's fine." "You should eat one of these." "No, thanks." "You're turning down an Eskimo Pie?" " Mmm." " Oh, come on." "All right." "Every evil, terrible thing that ever occurs in the world is directly offset, counterbalanced, if you will, by the complete, utter joy of biting into an Eskimo Pie." "It's the way we maintain balance in the universe." "Come on." " Does anyone ever say no to you?" " You do, all the time." "Okay, take a bite." "Mmm..." "Mmm-hmm." "Mmm." "Mmm!" "Mmm!" "Oh, yeah!" "It's like God's just giving birth in my mouth!" "Okay!" "That is the girl that I fell in love with but harbors nothing but platonic feelings for me, unfortunately." "Your foot is freezing." "It's 90 degrees outside and your foot is freezing." "My feet are always freezing." "I have the feet of an 80-year-old man." "Ooh, that's hot." "Oh, so good." "Wait, wait, hold on." "Yes, yes, yes!" "Dad." "Juanita." "Wow." "Didn't recognize you without the cash register." "Hi, Adam." " What the hell are you doing here?" " That's funny." "I was just about to ask you the exact same thing." " It's my store." " Come on, let's go." "Sorry, Mr. Davies." "Wait, wait, wait." "Actually, I'm really glad you're here." "'Cause you haven't been home for a while, and you definitely were not at my graduation." "Look, I don't wanna get into this with you right now." "Come on." "It's time to go." "Wait." "Juanita, I hope he's paying you overtime for this, 'cause you do have rights." "You should call your union." "Well, welcome back home." "Bet you're excited." "Let's have a little look-see here." "There she is!" "Hi!" " Hey, Mom." " She's home!" "Oh, look at that, that's just a crime." " Oh!" "Welcome back, baby." " Thanks, Mom." "Oh, I'm so glad you're home." "Dad?" " That's gotta get to the shop." " I'm not so sure." " What are you doing?" " I'm just looking it over." "Gonna be all right." "Oh, no." "No, no, no." "You're not thinking about fixing this yourself, are you?" "Yeah." "Just have some faith in my abilities, honey." "Usually there's a spot, if I can just hear it." " But, Dad, you've never fixed a car before." " Honey." "At one point I'd never roundhouse-kicked a man in the neck before, either." "Now I do it every Wednesday." "My mind's like a sea sponge, honey." "When the synapses get going in Walter Malby's mind, boom, boom, boom." "It's gonna be fun." "Don't worry about the car." "I got it." "I got the car covered." "Let me give you a hand there, Adam." "Attaboy." "God, look at you, you're a self-starter." "Walter, Walter!" "Walter, Walter!" "Watch your step there." "You should wear work boots." "There's a derby!" "There's a boxcar derby!" " Can we make a boxcar?" " Not now." "Not now." "Pretty please?" "The derby's next month!" " Can we make a boxcar?" " Oh, jeez." "Son of a bitch." "Look at that." "I knew it." "Son of a bitch." "Third time!" "Third G-D time!" "God damn it." "That's it." " Wait, Dad, where are you going?" " Walt." "Walter, no, don't." " Dad, come back here." " Honey?" "My foot." "God damn." "We could go home and clean it off." "No, I gotta talk to him." "I'll talk to this guy." "You don't need to disturb him, though." "I mean..." " He's not home." " This guy, I know he's not working." "I don't think he has a job." "God damn it, where is he?" " Hi." " Hi." "Hey, hey, hey." "Your cat has now crapped on my doorstep, in my yard, and now on my driveway, which around here is like church to me." " Okay?" "That's sanctuary." " Well..." "I'm really sorry, sir." "I am..." "I'll talk to him." "Yeah, I'll talk to him." " See you later." " Okay." "Today, you are getting a job." "Today, you're getting a job." "Today." "What do you say when people turn you away?" "Do you just turn your back and quickly walk away?" "Bop bop ba-da-da da ta" "Bop bop ba-da-da da" "Bop bop ba-da-da da ta" "Bop bop ba-da-da da" "The bottom line is, what I lack in experience," "I make up for in vision." "And what I don't know," "I make up for with passion." "My world is on fire now" "My world is turned upside down and I don't know what to do without you" "I'm driven, full of ideas." "I'm upbeat." "Most importantly, I am incredibly enthusiastic about the work your company is doing." "Really?" "Like what?" "Hunter, I hate getting these calls." "What did I tell you about licking the kids' heads?" " Don't do it." " That's right, ever, okay?" " Fine." " I mean," "I know you like the way it tastes, but some kids don't like having their heads licked." "Hey!" "How did it go?" "I asked the VP if she was pregnant." " No." "She was just fat." " Well, that's hard sometimes." "I'm gonna call my friend Betty from high school, she owns an indie publishing company, and I'm gonna ask her for a favor." "I'm just gonna do it." "Dad already called her." "Betty's dead." "Really?" " She died." " That's a shame." "What is it?" " Oh, my God." " What?" "What do you guys think?" "This one?" "Or that little mahogany number I was in earlier?" "Hey, Hunter, come here." "What do you think of Grandma spending her eternal slumber in this one, huh?" "I love it!" " Let's talk about casket ornamentation." " Ornamentation?" "Yes, casket ornamentation adds a personal touch many families find comforting, and we offer a variety of custom corners and commemorative panels to highlight a loved one's passions." "Whatever you want, you could put it right there on your commemorative panel." "It'd be right with you through the afterlife." "I'm just not sure about all this." "Thank you." "Really?" "What do I have to do to put you in one of my coffins today?" "How about a little magnesium seepage protection system?" "Whoa!" "That's $18,000." "That's the exact same corrosion and rust technology that protects our Alaskan pipeline." "That's what that is." "That's $18,000." "You know, she's absolutely right." "I mean, why spend all that money when there's probably a nice local ditch somewhere you could take me to and dump me in for free?" "Oh, Maureen, we'd never do that." "No, no, no, no!" "Special delivery." "I got a cell phone, credit card, student loan, and last but not least," "one more little item I thought you might wanna see." "Look at that." "Come on!" "Thanks." "Hey." "Got an idea." "Since it concerns your future, I need you to pay attention." "You listening?" " No." "Dad..." " Listen to me." "Listen to me." "Ready?" "Buckles." "Buckles." "Yeah." "Belt buckles." "Million-dollar niche business." "They're going crazy on the Internet." "Who do you think met a distributor, is gonna start his own company?" "But, Dad, what about The Luggage Shack?" "They just made you regional manager." "You gotta think big picture here." "You gotta have vision." "You know what I'm saying?" "You just gotta see the..." "And since none of this other crap is really working out for you, more than likely, gonna need a vice president." "VP." "You go out there and drum up some business." "Come on, let's go out there and put some buckles on belts." "What do you say?" "Are you ever gonna actually open that?" "It's made a long journey from New York." "I'm letting it breathe." "You know, Adam, if you don't wanna go..." "Don't give me that shit." " It's not like I'm gonna force you." " No," " you're just gonna hate me if I don't." " No, I'm not gonna hate you." "I just want more for you." "Do you wanna be like me?" "You wanna come home from work, 11:00 at night?" "Save your whole life so you can afford the mortgage on a place like this?" "I'm going to bed." "It's a very funny thing, you know." "People keep calling me, but I'm like," ""Thanks, but I'm working for Happerman  Browning." ""Make me a better offer, we'll talk."" " So, what are you guys doing?" " Me?" "Charles Schwab, baby!" "I'm going to San Jose, dot-com." " Nice, man." "You're going to..." " Pharmacy school, next month." "Yeah, so, what are you doing?" " What's your deal?" " I got into Columbia." "We'll see." "Do it!" "Stay out of the workforce as long as you can." "Ryden, what about you?" "What are you up to?" "I just..." "You know, I've been interviewing a lot." "And just had some really amazing opportunities, and just keeping my options open." "So what you're saying is you're unemployed." "God." "I feel like such a loser." "Everyone is doing something with their lives, and I just turn out to be this big, pathetic loser." " Come on." " No, I don't want your pity hug." "Come on, Ryden." "It's okay, you poor, poor, no-talent screw-up." "Oh, shut up!" "You can joke about it." "You already got into law school." " So?" " So, you're set, you're good, whatever." "Yeah, maybe I'm set and I'm good, but does that mean I'm gonna be happy?" " Come here." " Screw you, I'm not going in." "You don't have to go in." "Just..." "Come out here so I can tell you something." "I don't think two people could be on this." "Okay, quit bitching and come out here." "Okay." " Come all the way to the edge." " What?" "I'm celebrating." "I'm opening at The Mint on Friday." " You are?" " Yeah." " Shut up!" "Really?" " Yeah." "Adam!" "So you're going into music, then." "Why don't you just say that?" "Well, because I'm not saying that, necessarily." " So you're going to law school?" " No." "I'm not saying that either, necessarily." "Well, then what are you saying, necessarily?" "I don't know what I'm saying." "All I'm saying is that I'm opening at The Mint on Friday." "Yay!" "Look, you got the hard part figured out." "You know what you wanna do." "Now you can just spend the rest of your life going after it." "This one's popular with all the college kids," " and this one..." " No, I want that one." "And if you like them, you sell them all, I got plenty more," " even higher quality." " Jeez, that's fantastic." " I almost don't believe it." " I am Hugo, the vampire." " Not now, Hugo." " Then help me build my boxcar." "I'm doing business now." "I'm doing business now." " It's so lifelike." " Yeah, named it after a real snake." " All made right here in the country." " All here." "Jeez, that's fantastic." "I'll call you about the rest of them." " Thanks, buddy." " Thank you." "All right." "Hey, who was that guy?" "Here, honey, grab that box for me, would you?" "Carry it inside." "That's Gary." "Gary the Buckle Man." " So these are the buckles, huh?" " Yep, first shipment." "Hey, question." "As vice president, how would you like to spearhead the marketing campaign?" " The marketing campaign?" " Yeah." "You know, ads and slogans and, you know, maybe some clever ideas for some of the buckles, like..." "I don't know, what do we got here?" "Look at this." "Look at that one there." "That could be the Cobra, you know?" "Or..." "I don't know, here." "Look, here." "This could be the..." "Uh..." "It's just the flag of Delaware." "I don't know." "But you know what I mean." "Just some thoughts, just ideas." "You know what I want as vice president, Dad?" "I want my car back." "I want to stop having to call a taxi every time I have to leave the house." "Honey, I told you, the part hasn't come in from the factory yet." "It's a curveball." "You're gonna get thrown curveballs." "Life and work are like baseball." "You can't rest at the plate." " You gotta keep trying." " But I am trying hard." "I mean, I am scouring the job market." "I am." "I'm getting up early, and I'm searching for something, anything to get my foot in the door." "Do you have any clue what these interviews are like?" "I mean, I'm constantly having to gauge how I'm coming across, all the while without a consistent form of transportation because you turned my car into your latest science project." "So I really don't need to hear that I'm not trying right now." "Well, maybe you're setting your sights too high." "Oh, really?" "Well, where do you think I should be setting my sights?" "If you just give this one a chance, I know you're gonna love it." "You just have to open it up, get in there, check out all the pockets, and..." "Ma'am?" "Sir?" "It's on clearance!" "Eye contact." "Remember?" "We talked about it." "You gotta bring them in." "Okay?" "Honey, come on." "You gotta have a positive attitude if you wanna sell suitcases." "Here, let me show you something." "Hey!" "How you doing?" "Fine." "You headed out of town, if you don't mind me asking?" " Yeah." " Really?" "Where you going?" "Maui." "Oh, wow, Hawaii!" "That's fantastic!" " You going there for business?" "Pleasure?" " Business." "No, don't say business." "Don't say business." "Say pleasure." "Pleasure!" "Why do you ask me the question, then?" "Well, I'm trying to..." "Here, look, let me show you, honey." "I'll do a little demonstration, you know, right in here." "Like this." "You point at the wheels or something, you know." "It's like..." "You know what?" "Those girls from Deal or No Deal." "You do that." "Maybe not so slutty, but show, with the hand thing." "Here." "Go ahead." " Remember, eye contact." " Okay." " Look at the wheels!" "Look how they roll!" " There you go." "It's so nice." "There you go." "Hot potato, right here, right here." "Are you in the market for some..." "Oh, crap!" " Hi." " Hi." "I didn't know you worked here at The Luggage Shack." "I don't work here." "I..." "It's temporary." "Right." "How's Happerman  Browning?" "Oh, great." "Really, really great." "They're sending me to New York next week for a conference." " Hence the need for a new briefcase." " Sounds so great." "Now, I saw one over here last week that I loved." " Let me take a look at that black one." " Up there?" "Yeah." "There we go." "You know what?" "I wanna take a look at the one right next to it." "Nope." "I gotta trust my instincts on this one." "I'm saying no to that one." "I'm going back to the original." "You know, things are moving outlandishly quick for me right now." "Unbelievably fast." "I'll need a good team, good people around me I can trust." "This is a no." "Now let me take a look at this gray one here." "I thought you wanted a briefcase." " I'm gonna need both." " Mmm-hmm." " Lot of traveling." " Right." " Okay..." " That's the one." "You know, Ryden, I think we've got really good synergy, you and I." "You know, I know you're in a tough place right now, but I want you to remember that struggle and strife come before success." "Even in the dictionary." "I'm not gonna take this one." "Can I see that black one up there?" "You know what?" "Dad?" "All yours!" "Hunty, can't ride Momma's shoe when she's trying to make waffles." " Giddy-up!" " Come on, honey." "Go play." "Go." "Ride like the wind!" " Honey..." " What do you want, Maureen?" "What?" " Hunter is a very unique little boy." " I don't want you to coddle him." "I am not coddling him, okay?" "I'm just a little concerned that he's weird." "Well, of course he's weird!" "He's a Malby." "Weird is good." "Weird indicates a creative force." "You have no idea what I go through, okay?" "Trust me." "Hey, come on, I want to show you something." "Come on." "It is time!" "No way." " It's really fixed?" " Yeah!" "Hey, man, your dad doesn't jerk around." "Watch this." "Crack this hood..." "Take a look at this." " Now I'm gonna go fire her up." " Okay." "Just look under the engine and let me know what happens." "I wasn't really happy with the timing, so I tweaked it a little bit." "Think I got her where I like her." " Ready?" " Yeah." "Oh, it's great!" "Hey!" "Just a little bit more, just a little..." "Oh!" "It just isn't fair." "There you are, this poor little innocent thing who wouldn't hurt a fly, and then one day you're murdered by my own son." "It was an accident!" "Jeez!" "Why didn't you tell me to look behind me?" "What?" "How is this my fault?" "Hon, you always have to keep your eyes open." "Scanning, constantly scanning." " You told me to look at the engine." " You can't do two things at once?" "This is ridiculous." "You hated that cat." " Keep your voice down." " Well, you did say something" " about wanting to flatten the cat." " Okay!" "Okay!" "All right, fine." "It was a goddamn accident." "I mean..." "Either way, somebody has to tell the neighbor." "All right." "Jeez, I can't believe..." " Look out, look out." "Oh, God." " God..." "Jesus." "God damn..." "Even in death!" "Jesus!" " Ryden, go with him." " What?" "No!" "Come on, honey." "Look at him." "All right." " Oh, no, honey, don't do that." " Hunter, don't do that." "No, no." " Dad!" " What?" " Why would you do that?" " Do what?" " That knock." " What?" "Of all the knocks, that one?" "That one is the one you think best says, "Sorry we killed your cat"?" "Of all the knocks?" "What do you mean, "Of all the knocks"?" "How many knocks do you think there are?" "No, seriously, how many knocks do you think there are?" " Let's just make this brief, okay?" " All right." "Cat's dead." "Ran over him on accident." "We're really sorry." " We didn't mean for it to happen." " Where is he?" "Part." "Let's part the way." "Please." "Has the moon lost her memory?" "She is smiling alone" "In the lamplight" "The withered leaves collect at my feet" "And the wind begins to moan" "Memory All alone in the moonlight" "I can smile at the old days" "I was beautiful then" "Sorry." "Honey?" "Every streetlamp" "Seems to beat a fatalistic warning" "Well, I gotta roll," " so if you need anything..." " Come on." "Up, up." "...here's my card." "Okay?" " Attaboy." "Okey-dokey." "Hey." "Listen, I'm really sorry about all this." "I can't tell you how sorry I am." "I mean..." "About your poor cat, and this..." "Do you want some breakfast?" " What, right now?" " Yeah." "It's almost dinnertime." "Best time for pancakes." "Do you like pancakes?" " One more?" " No, I'm good, thanks." "I'm full." "Do you not like my pancakes?" "I love your pancakes, but I'm stuffed." " All right." "All right." " All right." "No, no, no." "You go sit." "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." " Okay." "Thanks." " Yeah, yeah." "Go." "You know, it's weird, I've never seen the inside of this house before." "Yeah." "Kind of unimpressive, isn't it?" "No, it looks exactly like ours, actually." "Except you have cooler stuff." "Yeah, yeah, I direct infomercials." "So I end up taking everything home." "Like this." "What is this?" " This?" " Yeah." " A couch." " That's a couch?" "Yeah." "Super light." "And can even be used as a flotation device in case of a flood." "Let's see, I have no car," "I lost my job peddling luggage, and I now live with my parents." " All right, living the dream." " Yeah." "That's great." "Yeah, this whole post-graduation thing is not exactly turning out the way I planned." "I just thought I'd be doing something amazing by now." "Or at least doing something." "Right." "Well, listen." "I know it doesn't solve the problem, but if you need something temporary, we could always use an extra P.A. On set." "You know, the hours are crap, and the money is very, very bad, but it'll get you out of the house." "Yeah." " Yeah, that would be good." " You got a job." " Thanks." " Cool." "But now, I think it's time for you to start thinking about the good things." "Yeah." "Like what?" "Like your ears:" " Ears?" " Yeah." " My ears?" " Yeah, you've got incredible ears." "Incredible?" "Yeah." "You know how some people have that droop, that sort of tragic dangling earlobe thing?" "Yours, not so, no." "Not a single..." "Just don't know why you had to give him those cookies." " We'll buy more cookies." " You know they're my favorites." "Hey." "Where's Ryden?" "She's paying her condolences." "Fuck me." "Well, I would, but somebody beat me to it." "Cool." "Listen, Dad," "I know that was a little bit awkward, but I..." "I just hope you used one." " One what?" " You used something." " That you used something." " Something." "Used a..." "You know what I'm..." "Used a rubber or something like that." " But..." " Protection!" "Oh!" "Uh..." "But we didn't..." "'Cause I'm gonna tell you something, herpes isn't a picnic." "It's not a river-rafting trip, either, like they want you to think" " in the commercial." " River-rafting..." "Everybody's having fun with their herpes out there." " What?" " You know what?" "Lx-nay on the oodle-day." " That's it." " Oodle-day?" "You know what I mean." "I don't want you near that..." "Don't..." "Just stay away from the whole" " penile area." " Dad." "Don't even see him anymore." "Don't even see him anymore." "That's it." "You can't see him anymore." "Or what?" "What are you gonna do, ground me?" "I'm 22 years old!" "Oh, really?" "Well, you're forgetting you live in my house." "Well, trust me, I'm doing everything I can to change that." " Yeah." " Yeah?" "My name's Bill." "And I'm a little upset, to say the least, if you know what I mean." "Okay." "Someone stole two boxes of my Buckle-O-Bill belt buckles." "World renowned, uniquely crafted." "Word on the street is you're trying to sell them." "You talking about this?" "This here?" "No, no, no." "I bought this legit from Gary the Buckle Man." "I don't know Gary the Buckle Man!" "I know you're trying to take food out of my kid's mouth." "I don't even have a kid, but if I did, you're taking his food!" " Uh-uh." " I want my buckle!" "Hey!" "Hey." "I need at least three feet of personal space here." " It's my buckle!" " I'm gonna paralyze you!" "Crazy, man!" "It's my Delaware." "Two fingers." "Two!" "That's all it takes." "I will call the cops, man!" "Wait, so you're gonna be a P.A. Now?" "It's just temporary." "Our neighbor hooked it up." "Wait, Rico Suave from across the street?" "That old dude who wears the low-rise jeans?" "What?" "He's 34, he's not that old." "Very specific information you have there." "Hey." " So, uh, tomorrow night." " Yeah?" "I wrote a little something-something for you." " For me?" " Oh, yeah." " Shut up!" " Yeah, you want a little sneak preview?" " Okay." " Okay." "Ryden is beautiful, it's true" "'Cause she's got eyes of blue" "But then one day I tried to kiss you" "And you said" "'"Ugh!" "No!" "'"" " You're an idiot." " You love me." "Anyway, so here's the deal." "Tomorrow night, me, you, that dress." "Zip me." "Yeah." "So, first of all, I'm just gonna rock the socks off everyone at that show." "Second, you're gonna throw your bra on stage, just scream like a little girl." "There." "And third, we're gonna go out to a big, fancy dinner," " with multiple forks, everything." " We are?" " Yeah." " Why?" "To celebrate your new quasi-job thing." "Just to celebrate?" " Yeah." " That sounds fun." "It sounds fan-crapping-tastic, is what it sounds like." "Making guacamole for your family, or just for yourself, used to be a fight." "But now, with the Guacanator, the Guacanator 3000, making guacamole is as easy as uno, dos, tres!" "Señor Avocado, he no stand a chance against the grips of the Guacanator!" "The only assault will be against your taste buds!" "Okay, cut!" "Okay, I got it." "All right." " And we're clear!" " This moustache is crap." "The hairs are going in my mouth." "I can swear I swallowed a couple." "I'm sorry." "We'll take care of that in a second, all right?" " Thanks." " Okay, everyone, take five!" "Take a fiver!" " There she is." " Hey." "How's the first day going?" "As shitty as I promised?" "It's not so bad." "Well, just wait." "Bro." "Hey, bro!" "Yo, dude." "Can I talk to you for a second before you shoot anything else?" "Well, this should be fun." "The script says "like a roadmap," but the roadmap..." "Can you talk to the catering people?" "The meat on this sandwich" " smells like ass crack." " Okay." "So, first of all, you're really close, so, congrats." "Bones." "Awesome, sweet." "We're getting so close, but I just wanna go from the top." "Couple things to make this double awesome." "Give me more Mexican." "I gotta get more Mexican, you know what I mean?" "I gotta..." "I wanna be on or across the border." "You know what I mean?" "Mexi-can, not Mexi-can't or Mexi-could." "Mexi-can." "Like, any of that flavor, literally and figuratively into it, awesome:" "Second of all, your shots are boring, bro." "Seriously." "Here's an idea." "Did you ever see The Matrix?" "Movie about, like, alternative reality?" "Okay, that shot, Keanu's, like, up in the air." "Bam, he's in the air, freeze." "360-degree shot." "Remember what I'm saying?" "Yeah, like that." "That's exciting." "That's awesome." "But, check this out, instead of Keanu, it's the Guacanator is up in the air, and you shoot around it, like, 360, 720, like, change the axis, like, people are totally gonna blow their minds." "Right, Matrix, that's a great idea, yeah." "Thank you." "I wasn't fishing for that." "I appreciate it." " Maybe while I'm at it I could..." " Bring it, bring it." "Maybe we could hoist it up on a cross, and we have The Passion of the Guacamole." "Okay, I get it." "Do you think that's funny?" "I think you're an idiot." "And I quit." "Told you." "Hollywood." " Can you hear me?" " Let's go." " I think I have the wrong channel." "What?" " Let's go." " What..." " Hey, hey, catch." "Hey, whatever!" "All right, I'm gonna shoot this." "Can you put him back in the ring?" "I got an idea." " You're fired!" " Thank you!" "Whew!" "For years I had to deal with this kind of stupidity." "Come on!" "Can you believe it?" "I mean, you can't imagine how many times I just wanted to walk off set like that." "Oh, my God, I just walked off set." "Yeah." "And it looks like I just lost another job." "Whew!" "That feels good." "That feels great!" "Do do-do do do do do" "Do do-do do do do do" "Do do-do do do do do" "'Cause I'm always where" "I need to be" "And I always thought" "I would end up with you eventually" "Do do-do do do do do" "Do do-do do do do do" "Do do-do do do do do" "Can we go?" "Are you guys ready?" "Who's your guy?" "Who's your singer?" " Yeah, he's right behind you." " Hey, man, you're on." "You guys good?" "So, my name is Adam Davies." "I hope this doesn't make anyone too uncomfortable, but I'm completely naked under these clothes." "This song is for someone I care about a lot." "Ready?" "I'm counting the streetlights" "It's all I can do" "While driving myself crazy trying to get to you" "Feels wrong at the right times" "To reveal my hand" "I'm doing the worst I can to make you understand" "Maybe one day you will know" "How hard it is for me to show my heart" "With all the love running through my soul" "Maybe one day you will know" "You know what I thought when I met you?" "No." ""Aside from the incredible ears," ""she's smart, and stunning," ""absolutely stunning."" "But there was something else." "I just saw a girl that has the whole world at her fingertips, and she doesn't even know it." "Good night." "Oh, my God." "I'm such an idiot." "I completely forgot." " It's cool." " I'm so sorry." "How was it?" "Great." "Fine, good..." "And our dinner." "I missed our fancy dinner." "You're getting overly worked up about this, Ryden." "It's..." "It's cool." "Besides, you were clearly busy with Pelé from across the street." "Oh, no, he..." "We were at work, and then there was this big blow-up, so we left," " but it was..." " Awesome." "I'll see you later." "Wait, what are you doing?" " What does it look like?" " Just let me explain." "What exactly needs explanation?" "The fact that I've been waiting around like a moron, hoping that one day you'll actually feel about me the way I feel about you, or the fact that you're so obsessed with your future that you completely forget" "about everyone you're supposed to give a shit about?" "I'm not waiting anymore." "I'm done." "I may not know exactly what my future looks like, but I do know one thing." "You're not in it." "...say can and will be used against you, okay?" " I didn't know they were hot." " You have the right to an attorney." " Bought them on the Internet." " If you can't afford one, one will be provided to you by the state." "This is so stupid." "I can't..." "Didn't have to be this way." "Grab your brother, get him in the car." " I don't want him to see this." " Come on, Hunter." "I had absolutely nothing to do with this." "You can ask anybody and they'll tell you, I hate crime." "It's okay." "It's okay." "The good news is your husband doesn't have any priors." "The bad news is we're gonna have to hold him." "Trafficking stolen property is no small crime." " The bail won't be set till tomorrow." " You're keeping him overnight?" "But he's not a criminal." "He's just a moron!" "That's the breaks." "I told you." "I told you in 1976." ""Do not marry Walter Malby."" "He's your son." "And I did the best I could with what I had." "Yeah, well, your best effort is in jail till tomorrow morning." "Hey, pick up." "I've called you 80 times." "I'm really, really sorry." "I..." "Call me back." "Where's Dad?" "I wanna go home." "How you doing?" "All right?" "Mrs. Malby?" "Miss?" " Yes." "Yes, hi." " Hey, morning." " Morning." " How you doing?" "So, basically, in order to bail him out, you're looking at 15,000 bucks." " Oh, my God." "What?" " Or he stays in the slammer" " until the trial." " Oh, God." "$15,000." "Well, let's go home." " Maureen?" " What?" "Wait." "Cough it up." "Cough what up?" "Pay the man your son's bail money." "Are you crazy?" "You think if I had that kind of dough I'd be living with you?" "Cut the baloney, Maureen." "Please." "I know you have money." "I know you sew it into your pantyhose." "I know you've got it under your mattress and shoved up inside every shoe in your closet." "Pay the man." "Why can't my family just love me for my soul instead of my meager possessions and my bank account?" "Well, I love your soul, Grandma." "Okay, will you take a check, or do you want the green stuff?" "I'm free!" "I'm free!" "Look at the sky." "Can you see how blue the sky is?" "This entire experience has transformed me." "I am a new man." "The old Walter is dead." "But the new Walter wants to say how much I love you guys." "I'm a new man, and we're a new family." "I mean, look, we have our problems." "What family doesn't?" "I know I get to be bull-headed, and, you know, Ryden here is" " essentially unemployable..." " Hmm?" "...and Hunter licks people, and Grandma's very, very, very kind." "So kind." "But no matter what, we're a family." "We're a real family." "We're the Malbys, damn it." "From now on, it's Malby time." "Malby!" "Malby!" " Malby!" "Malby!" " Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "That's all right, honey, I'll just take a cab over to the curb." " Grab my purse!" "My purse!" " Did you leave it" " at the police station, Maureen?" " No, I didn't." " I thought you had it." " I don't have your purse." " Adam?" " I'm looking for Ryden Malby." "That's me." "This is Barbara Snaff from Happerman  Browning." "Listen, the position you interviewed for just came available again." "You wanna fire me?" "Fine!" "I don't care!" "I'm gonna own this town, and I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna take you down." "Wait, wait, are you serious?" "You're offering me the job?" "Yes." "Absolutely." "When can you start?" "The job is yours if you want it." "Immediately!" "Absolutely!" "Yes!" "Great, I'll have my assistant call you with all the details." " Thank you!" "Perfect!" " She's not there anymore." " Ryden?" " Guys, I got the job!" " Yay!" " I got the job!" " Does it pay?" "Does it pay?" " Yeah, it pays!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "Malby!" "She got a job!" "Okay." "Yo, it's Adam." "You know what to do." "Okay." "Silent treatment, I get it." "Very fifth grade of you, but very effective." "Please call me." "Please." "Yo, it's Adam." "You know what to do." "All right." "Just call me when you're ready." "Yeah, yeah, go!" "Go, Adam!" "Take it in!" "I got him, I got him!" "Yes!" "All right, check ball." "Someone once told me that every evil, horrible thing in the world can be directly counteracted by the joy of a simple dessert." "I'm really sorry, Adam." "I know you don't wanna talk to me, but I really have something to tell you." "I wish you..." "Hold on a second." "If you don't forgive me, I will follow you everywhere you go, playing this extremely annoying song till you slowly go insane." "Okay, just make it stop." "How the hell do you steal an ice-cream truck?" "Borrow." "My dad knows a guy that knows a guy, so..." "Of course." "I'm good." "I'm so sorry I flaked on you, Adam." "You would never do anything like that to me." " And I've been thinking a lot about..." " I accept your apology." "Wait, you have to let me get this out." "I've been thinking a lot about what you said, and I think you just..." " Maybe you just threw me, because..." " Look, it's fine." "Really, it's..." "It's all good." "I'm just..." "You know, I'm in the middle of a game." " Yo." " Well, wait." "Do you wanna, I don't know, hang out later?" "Um..." "Oh!" "We could celebrate, 'cause I didn't get a chance to tell you, but I got that job at Happerman  Browning." "That's awesome." "I..." "But I can't get together later, 'cause I kind of need to pack." "Pack?" "Yeah." "Look, I didn't get a chance to tell you, but I decided to go to Columbia." "And I'm leaving tomorrow." "What?" "You're going to law school?" "In New York?" "Yeah." "That's..." "That's so great." "Congratulations." "Yeah, I think it'll be..." "I think it'll be good." "Look, I promise I'll call you as soon as I get settled in, okay?" " Okay." " Let's go!" "Come on, Adam!" "Ball in!" "Ball in!" "Ball in!" "Okay, hold up!" "Yeah." " Our ball." " Check it up." "Check it up, Adam." "Our ball." "All right." "Okay." "Hi, I'm Ryden Malby." "I'm..." "The new assistant to the editor." "Yes." "One sec, I'll get Lloyd." "I've got Ryden." "Thanks." "Well, here it is, home, sweet home." " That's the mail cart." " Great." "Well, perfect." "Is there any material you want me to start to read, or..." "No." "Reading's on your own time." "Jessica was a shit filer, so we're a little backed up on submissions." "I see that." "What happened to Jessica, anyway?" "Well, we had a little bit of a misunderstanding, she and I." "You see, I thought that she worked for me, she thought she was running the company." " Sounds like Jessica." " Mmm-hmm." "Ready to go?" " Yep, I'll get right on it." " You know you're gonna have to enter every one of these into the database, right?" "Okay, absolutely." "Yeah." " Hi." " Oh!" "Of course." "A picture paints a thousand words" "As one door closes another door opens" "And two wrongs don't make a right" "Now good things come to those who wait" "Okay, I've got it right here." "My life is a shitstorm." "I got way too much crap to keep in my own brain." "So what do I do?" "No, I think those two books are totally different." "Different enough." "When are you gonna build my boxcar?" "Get the puppet out of my face." "Come on." "All the other kids' dads are practically done." "Fine, forget it." "Hunter." "Wait a minute." "When's that race again?" " Saturday." " Saturday." "Saturday." "Go get your mother, your grandmother." "We need every able-bodied man we can get." "Go." "Just move all my Thursday appointments to Friday." " Okay." " And you're gonna wanna get some beauty sleep this weekend, 'cause I want you to sit in on the Asia conference on Monday morning." " Really?" " Mmm-hmm." " Oh, great." "I'd love to, that'd be great." " Great." "You forgot one." "Sign and date." "There." " All right." "Buenos nachos." " Good night." "Hey, try to get out of here by 9:00 tonight, will you?" "Okay." "Far far, there's this little girl" "She was praying for something to happen to her" "The reality looks far now but don't go" "How can you stay outside?" "There's a beautiful mess inside" "How can you stay outside?" "There's a beautiful mess inside" "I got this job." "This incredible job." "And I'm working my ass off." "But I always expected that." "What are all the boxes for?" "Moving back to Brazil." "Are you serious?" "Yeah." "My life is there." "I haven't seen my family in ages." "And I come home every night to what?" "I guess I finally realized that what you do with your life is really just one half of the equation." "The other half, the more important half, really, is who you're with when you're doing it." "Okay, come on!" "Come on, come on." "You got plenty of room!" "You got miles!" "Don't tell me that's another cat." "Oh, jeez." "Hey, keep this on the down low, Mom." "It's one of those goofy gnomes." "Don't tell Carmella." " Hunty?" "Come on, Hunty." " He broke the gnome." " Jesus!" "What did I just say?" " Oh, sugar." "Hand me a..." "What's going on?" "Get dressed." "We're late." "We need all the manpower we can get." "But what if I don't drive good?" "Hey!" "You're a Malby." "Driving is in your blood." "Okay?" "Come on." "Come on, let's go." "We gotta go." "Come on!" "And it's "drive well," honey, not "drive good."" " Wait, don't drive good?" " Proper English is "drive well."" "I want you to drive well." "Ladies and gentlemen, please turn your attention to the starting ramp for the last event of the day." "This is the one you've been waiting for." "The final race for the ninth annual PTA Boxcar Derby." "Racers and their teams, please take your mark." "Let's go, Raymond!" "All right." "How you feeling?" " Oh, Maureen, look at Hunter." " Go, Hunty!" "Hi, honey, good luck!" "Are you focused?" "Balls to the wall." "Don't tell your mom I said that." " Smoke them." "Go get them." " Balls to the wall, Hunty!" "All right, let's go." " Dad!" "Dad!" " Brake!" "Pull the brake back!" " Dad!" " The brake!" "Go, Hunter, go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Yeah!" "Go get them!" "Go!" " Go!" "Go!" "Go!" " Walt, watch your ankle!" "Here is to you honey" "But I'm out of your league" "Never gonna pass me" "Go!" "Get in there!" "Lookie here baby" "You're coming my way" "But I move like a landslide" "So get out of my way and stay away" "Up from the floor on the count of ten" "Oh, you get up, you get down and you try it again" "Up and down and around again" "Oh, you get up you get down and you try it again" "Up and down and around again" "Oh, you get up you get down and you try it again" "Oh, you get up you get down and you try it again" "Oh, you get up you get down and you try it again" "Yes!" "Whoa!" " Oh, my!" "Let's go!" " Excuse me!" "Dad!" "Dad!" "Thank goodness." "You okay?" "By the way, you won!" "Wow!" "Look at that!" " Attaboy." " Come on, up, up!" " That's okay." " No?" " Not today." " Okay." "Attaboy." " Let me see." " That's so cool." "Look at that." "You all right?" "Mom, Dad..." "Sure you don't wanna get a little shut-eye" " and see how you feel in the morning?" " Nope." "Just out of curiosity, though, do you think I'm making the right decision?" "You know, ever since you were a little kid, you always seemed to have it figured out." "You know, you made good grades, you kept your room neat and clean, you ate your vegetables." "Can I be honest with you?" "I always found it a little troubling." "Because..." "See, hon, the world's a screwy place." "It doesn't play by the rules." "So, if you're asking me, do I think it's a good idea for you to quit your job," "leave behind the only family you have, and travel 3,000 miles to a place you've never been before," "I think it's the most kick-ass idea you've ever had." "'Cause I think no matter where you are, you're gonna knock 'em dead." "Thanks, Dad." " See you." "Love you, honey." " Okay." "Love you." "Bye." " No goodbyes." "Just see you later." " You be careful in New York." "They're a bunch of kookies there, you know." " Okay, I will." " Call me frequently, okay?" " Okay." " I've got you on my speed dial" " and you're on-line." " Okay." " Okay?" " Okay, bye." "Bye!" "Beautifully bold when the colors unfold" "Yes, it's easy to see but it's harder to find" "And I'm thinking of you and it's clear in my mind" "So I turn, turn, turn" "I turn back around" "I turn, turn, turn" "I turn back around" "And I'm eastern bound" "Thanks." "Almost let slip all these words at my fingertips" "Still unaware of the pen in my hand" "But I'm making my way day by day coming back to you" "Here unafraid of the path that I choose" "So I turn, turn, turn" "I turn back around" "And you are found" "Hey." "Life sucks without you." "I miss you." "I..." "Well, of course I miss you." "I knew that I would, but it's not like a," ""Hey, we had some great times," you know, "keep in touch" kind of thing." "It was more like, "I can't eat, I can't sleep," ""I forget what it feels like to laugh" kind of thing." "And I really think that when you left, you took my heart with you." "Um..." "I probably should've called first." "Oh, whoa." "Whoa." "No, no, no." "Hold..." "Ryden!" "Whoa!" "Where are you..." "Where are you going?" "Ryden!" "Ryden!" "Ryden, hey!" "Wait, hold up." "Look, hey, stop." "All right?" "Hey." "She's my RA." "I was just filling out a maintenance report." " She's not..." " No." " Really?" " Yeah." "I love you." "Well, that's good. 'Cause I love you." "Some kind of magic" "Happens late at night" " Wanna go inside?" " Yeah." "When the moon smiles down at me" "Hey, Walt, it's Ryden." " Hey, sweetie pie!" " It's her machine, so leave a message." "Oh!" "Hey, guess who's coming for a visit?" "We got cheap-ass tickets, on cheapasstickets." "Com, swear to God." "Ask Adam if he's got a pull-out, 'cause Grandma's got that heinous hump, and I don't wanna have her suffering" " any more than she..." " I don't have a hump!" "Give me that." "I don't have a hump." "I can sleep anyplace you wanna put me, Ryden." "And, honey, it's genetic, so take your calcium." "And don't forget to layer up, okay?" "You're from California!" "And remember, condoms are your best friend." "Dad smells like feet!" "Wait, like, the whole family's coming?" "It's a brand new day" "The sun is shining" "It's a brand new day" "For the first time in such a long, long time" "I know I'll be ok" "I'm counting the street lights" "It's all I can do" "While driving myself crazy trying to get to you" "Feels wrong at the right time" "To reveal my hand" "It's like I'm doing the worst I can" "To make you understand" "Maybe one day you will know" "How hard it is for me to show my heart" "And all the love" "Running through my soul" "Maybe one day you will know" "I'm hoping you just might" "Take a moment to realize" "That everything you're looking for" "Is hidden in plain sight" "I know you better than I know myself" "How I feel is the only thing I could never, ever tell you" "Maybe one day you will know" "How hard it is for me to show my heart" "And all the love" "Running through my soul" "Maybe one day you will know" "Maybe one day you will know" "Maybe one day you will know" "Ive met carrot on subscene."