"All right." "Come on, Armadillos!" "Go, number 11!" "Good job, Millie!" " Millie, great." " Ooh-whoo!" "That is my baby!" "That Kayla Rash is a bitch." "Beth." "Jocelyn needs to get along with Millie Rash on the court, so keep your comments about her mom down a decibel, all right?" "Block out!" "We gotta play better defense!" "We can do that!" "We gotta block out." "Ladies, we have been the state champions." " Are we gonna let them take that from us?" " No!" "I didn't think so." "Let's bring it on in!" "Armadillos on three!" "One, two, three." "Armadillos!" "Come on, defense!" "Get them!" "Nice pass, Jocelyn!" "A" Tight, guys, get 'em!" "Watch the clock!" "Watch the clock!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "We smoked 'em!" "We smeared 'em!" "They suck!" "Yeah!" "Armadillos!" "The best of the best!" "Yeah!" "Mwah!" "I'm not supposed to be goin' through this for a few more years." "Baby, close that door." "It's freezin' outside." "I'm thinkin' of takin' up a new hobby." "Maybe pottery." "Or a blog." "Everyone says my Facebook posts are really clever." "I'm still waitin' for you to finish up your last hobby." "I'm done with the paper, if you want to take up papier-maché." " Oh, no." " What?" "They are closing Tess's breast cancer screening unit." "Tess's Traveling Titty Tester." "Have a little respect." "She was my best friend." "Wow." "It says they are..." ""discontinuing services due to a lack of funding."" "Well, how can that be?" "Tess left them all that money." "I filed the paperwork myself." "It wasn't that much money, and it's been three years since she died." "But the state was gonna match the money." "It should've lasted longer than this." "Well, call her husband and see if he knows anything about it." "He's too busy moving' his new bride out of her sorority house to care about this." "You know, this is Tess's legacy." "I cannot just sit by and do nothin', like a lazy eye." "Are you closing'?" "I can stay if you need a screening." "No." "I'm just a concerned citizen." "I read in the paper that y'all are closing for good?" "Shame about the mix-up with our state funding." "What mix-up?" "Well, her money could've lasted a lot longer... 'cause whoever filed the paperwork didn't read that you have to reapply every year." "Too bad." "I might be out of a job myself." "I've gotten so attached to Burning Bush." "I belong to the square dancing group here." "Oh, speaking of which, I would love to stay and visit, but if I don't leave now, I'll end up having to do-si-do with a girl... 'cause all the men'll be taken." "I hate that." "Bye." "Anyone who says... that menopause isn't the most divine time in a woman's life... is a pessimist." "I carry a cattle prod from my husband's ranch... in my purse at all times, so when a pessimistic thought about menopause comes into my head," "I give myself a teensy zap." "This is the time of your life... when your inner goddess emerges." "Mm-hmm." "And I'm not talkin' about some New Age pagan kind of goddess." "I am talking about a Judeo-Christian goddess." "And you no longer have to worry about getting pregnant... or getting whistled at by those handsome, young ranch hands." "Menstruation is overrated." "Hot flash, missy?" "Hot flashes." "Mood swings." "Achy joints." "Oh, yes." "Frequent urination." "It's all good." "Hello?" "May I speak with Beth Humphrey?" "This is Beth." "This is Liz Hulsey from the State Department of Health." "I got your message about Tess Muldoon Mobile Unit." "I am thrilled when a generous donor like you calls, especially with our budget cuts." "Donor?" "Oh, no, no, no, no." "I just, um..." "How much money would it cost to get the mobile unit back in operation?" "Let's see. 25,000 would cover the costs for the rest of the year... if you reapplied for state-matchin' funds right away." "25,000?" "Oh, Lord!" "I can't..." "I can't afford 2,500." "Well, darlin', if you figure out how to raise the money, you let us know." "We'd need it no later than two months from tomorrow." "Call me if you have any questions." "Bye-bye." "Bye." "Passes it quickly over to the right." "Dribbling up to the side corner." "No, no." "No, no!" "Ah." "Mmm." "Beautiful pass!" "Hmm." "Yes!" "Go." "No, no!" "Oh, come on." "The free throw line." "The first one was good." "Laurence?" "Go, go, go, go, go!" "No. no!" "Oh!" "Where are your old Burning Bush High School yearbooks?" "They're in the hall closet, I think." "Why?" "Just curious." "Ah..." "Go on!" "Yeah!" "Oh, I love this team." "Tess." "I stumbled across Laurence's old yearbook, and I saw that you were on the basketball team in 1980." "That's when God was still a boy." "I played some in high school." "We didn't make state like y'all, but I made first team all-district." "Did ya?" "Mm-hmm." "You must still really love basketball." "You haven't missed a game all year." "Mm-mmm." "You can't keep me away from a Lady Armadillos game." "Well, next time I see you sittin' by your lonesome," "I'm gonna make you come sit by me." "Well, that'd be sweet." "I try to get my roommate to come, but she's not into basketball." "I cannot believe I have not met her yet." "Jewel, right?" "Yeah." "She's not here much." "She works over in Jewett." "We're just... roommates." "You know, two single gals sharing expenses until we meet the right man." "How long y'all been roommates now?" "Well, 16 years." "Whoa." "That's a lot of shared expenses." "There's nothing weird about that." "Of course not." "Oh, Ginger, you are the least weird person I know." "Yee-haw!" "Howdy, folks!" "Come on down!" "Hi there!" "Ginger Peabody." "Nice to meet ya." "Hi." "Nice to meet you." "Wait..." "J..." "Just let me get this straight." "You want us to play a full-court game... against the Lady Armadillos, the state champs, who are 30 years younger than us?" "Three games." "What?" "If we sell out three games, we can make 15 grand on concession stand and admission proceeds." "I figure we can raise the rest with a betting' pool." "Hell, men around here write you off after 40, so I know they'll bet against us." "All we have to do is bet on ourselves to win the pool." "That, and win two out of the three games." "I have not stepped foot on a basketball court in over 30 years." "So we'll practice." "When people hear that it's for charity, the whole town will pay to come watch us." "Maybe I don't want the whole town watching me make a fool of myself playing basketball." "No, I can't do it." "I'm sorry." "I know." "Listen, listen." "Just come shoot baskets with us Thursday night and then decide." "Who's "us"?" "Florine." "She's committed." "Absolutely not!" "No way, Jose!" "Florine, you said you'd do anything for Tess." "That's just a figure of speech... like "Break a leg" or "I'm all ears" or "Have a nice day."" "Nobody means those things literally." "I'm too old to play basketball." "We're all too old to play basketball." "Ginger's committed." "Well, bless Ginger's heart, but Ginger's not the mayor." "Do you know how hard it is for a black woman in these parts to get elected mayor?" "This town's 90% white." "I'm not saying people here are behind the times, but some are still trying to adjust to Bill Cosby being a doctor." "Are you saying playing basketball's too black for you?" "I'm saying I have different priorities." "People think just because I took over this job when J.C. died... that I don't have what it takes to get reelected." "Well, I'll prove them wrong by becoming the first elected black mayor of Burning Bush." "I hate to burst your civil rights bubble, but any idiot in this town who wouldn't vote for you... 'cause you act too black or come on too strong... isn't gonna vote for you, period." "Why do you want this job anyway?" "You don't even get a proper office." "What do you call this?" "J.C. was a damn good mayor for 10 years." "I intend to honor that and keep his memory alive." "I understand you wantin' to honor him and all, but..." "Oh, and you'd understand about losing a husband, would you?" "Oh." "Florine, I'm sorry." "Look, I think that you are the most capable person in this town, but lately, you've been pretending' to be all proper." "But I can see, you need to get your game on again." "I said no." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have important work to do." "I have to call the paper and let them know the Little Miss Burning Bush Pageant... has been postponed due to lice." "Well, we're practicing Thursday night if you change your mind." "What are you lookin' at, white boy?" "You know I am too old to play basketball." "Beth?" "Hey, Roxie." "Hey." "I haven't seen you in ages." "What are you doin' around here?" "I came here to ask you to be a part of somethin' important." "At least, it's important to me." "Look, I'm real flattered that you asked me, but my basketball days are over." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Wow." "This is good." "That's Mary Jane Mud Cake." "Mmm." "Come on, Roxie." "You were on a championship team in high school." "As soon as you get back on the court, it's all gonna come back to you." "You don't get it, Beth." "I didn't have these babies back then." "I think you look just fine." "Well, thank you, but you're full of shit." "I do." "And I know that Tito still thinks you're beautiful." "The only time Tito notices me... is when I'm blocking' the TV set when Jennifer Lopez is on." "He'd rather see her big ass than mine." "You want some more coffee?" "Oh, please." "All right." "So I assume you were a post and Florine a guard." "Now, who was your other starting' forward?" "It was Clemmy Baker." "She's Clementine Winks now." "Coach Slaughter's ex-wife?" "Oh, yeah." "She's a lot of people's ex-wife." "Clementine Winks, huh?" "I did not recognize her in the photo." "Well, that's because now she looks like 40 miles of bad road." "Bad karma, if you ask me." "I think she looks pretty good." "Trust me, Beth." "You don't want her on your team." "Why not?" "Let's put it this way." "When she hears the word "hoedown," she hits the floor." "Okay." "I best be goin'." "Oh." "You didn't like the cake?" "No, it was delicious." "I am just..." "I gotta save room for dinner." "Oh." "You got such a nice figure, Beth." "Well, maybe us practicing' together, gettin' in shape for the games... would be a good way for you to get your figure back." "I'm sorry, Beth." "I just can't." "Well, we are practicin' Thursday night... if you change your mind." "Basketball." "That's a great idea, raising money for Tess's memory." "You know, she was the only one who didn't turn on me in high school." "When my fourth marriage ended, she showed up at my house with a U-Haul to help me move." "And she was going through radiation and chemo at the same time." "Bald as a baby's bottom." "Well, I had no idea." "Yeah." "She was really somethin'." "I hope this goes well for y'all." "Well, we want you to be on the team." "I can't." "Why not?" "Well, a certain high school girls' basketball coach." "I heard it was messy." "Oh, honey, you don't know the half of it." "That skank humiliated me in divorce court." "Took the house and didn't have to pay a dime in alimony." "27.50." "No, I'm not gonna lose to him again." "Who says we're gonna lose?" "Has your elevator stopped going to the top floor?" "Thanks, but no, thanks." "Well, we're practicing' Thursday night at 7:30 if you change your mind." "And remember, this is for Tess." "Bye." "Shannon, will you quit readin' that thing and get back to work." "It's not like this job is hard." "Well, I'm goin' for a smoke break." "Okay." "They're your lungs." "They are." "Mom?" "Mom?" "What are you doing here?" "I'm meeting with Coach Slaughter to schedule the games." "Oh, God." "I can't believe you're really serious about this." "I mean, personally, Mrs. H., I just wanna say..." "I think it is so brave that y'all are gettin' back out on the court... after all these years." "Well, thank you, Millie." "Mom, have you thought about the physical shape you need to be in to do this?" "Of course." "I'm givin' us time to train." "Well, I mean, I know we're all really looking forward to it." "So are we." "See ya on the court." "Oh, my God." "I cannot believe that your mom is actually gonna do that!" "I'm so embarrassed." "I mean, I would die." "I actually would just die." "It would benefit the mobile unit." "Tess's Traveling Titty Tester?" "Mrs. Humphrey, I have my reputation to think about." "It took me years to whip my girls into winners." "They may be girls, but they're still champs." "And you don't follow up a state championship with a touchy-feely game like this... even if it is for a good cause." "Mind if I dip?" "No." "Yeah." "Clementine said you'd be afraid she might beat you again." "What does my ex-wife have to do with this?" "Oh." "Didn't I mention?" "She's on our team." "All the more reason to steer clear." "That woman's trouble." "Wait a minute." "What do you mean I'd be afraid she'd beat me again?" "You know, with the divorce trial and all." "I won that one... in the eyes of the court and of the Lord." "You know how people gossip." "Some are bound to believe her and think that you won't play us... 'cause you're afraid you might lose." "Afraid of losing to her?" "That lazy tramp smokes a pack a day!" "Let's hope the school board doesn't think that you're afraid... to play a lazy tramp who smokes a pack a day." "Beth?" "You and your ladies..." "And I use that term loosely considering Clementine's involved... are gonna have to stay within 20 points of me and my girls... in this first game." "Otherwise, there won't be a second or a third." "Thank you." "It's a deal." "I know you mean well, but it's a crazy idea." "Look, Beth." "I don't want you to embarrass yourself or your daughter." "Well, may the best girl win." "Mom, you're not a girl!" "No matter how immature you're actin' lately." "What are you talkin' about?" "Are you embarrassed?" "Mortified is more like it." "Why can't you just support me?" "When Hillary Clinton ran for president, Chelsea was right there." "The wind beneath her wings." "Hillary didn't run against Chelsea." "And she lost." "Beth, look." "We know you, baby." "You'll talk, talk, talk this all over town." "And then, when you see how hard it is... or how not enough people show up for the first game, you'll lose interest and quit, like you quit all your other hobbies." "What makes you think not enough people will show up?" "Baby." "Well, you aren't exactly leading ladies anymore." "Hey, y'all." "Hey, Mill." "Good mornin'." "When we get in there, don't sit behind her hair." "We won't be able to see the preacher." "Hey!" "Am I too late?" "Of course not." "The others must be runnin' late too." "Hey, Ginger, thanks for comin'." "Ah." "My roommate Jewel's mammogram at the mobile unit... may have saved her life." "I'm sorry, Ginger." "I didn't know." "Ah, it's okay." "They caught it early." "Hey." "Sorry I'm late." "You got room for these saddlebags in here?" "Howdy." "Hey, Ginger." "How you doin'?" "Pretty good." "P.S. I'm not wearin' no gym shorts." "Okay." "Oh!" "God!" "Damn!" "Excuse me." "Is this the WNBA tryout?" "Ladies, y'all know Clementine." "Sure do." "Okay." "We're gonna take it slow." "Oh." "Looks like someone remembers how to handle a ball." "Honey, I always remember how to handle balls." " Slut." " Lard ass." "Line up." "Hey, where's Florine?" " I thought you said she was committed." " Yeah." "She is." "Whoo!" "Whoa, right there!" "Thank... you!" "Yee-haw!" "Thank you." "I'm Florine Clarkston." "I'm runnin' for mayor." "I hope I can count on your vote for mayor." "What?" "I'm running for mayor!" "I prefer mustard." "Don't forget to vote." "Vote for Flo." "Beth." "I didn't know you square danced." "I didn't know that this was a stop on the campaign trail." "Well, I just want the retired folks in town to know... that I will have their best interests at heart as mayor." "What about the interests of the women in town?" "You know, if you joined our team, you might actually have fun." "I'm sure y'all only remember the fun of high school basketball." "What are you talking about?" "During the play-offs against Jasper, the fans called me "Jumpin' Jigaboo" throughout the entire game." "Well, most of those folks wouldn't know shit from Shinola." "And I bet none of them are running for mayor now." "I just wanted to let you know we're practicing again tomorrow, 3:00." "I'll think about it." "Yippee!" "Ha-cha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Oh, honey, nobody wants to see your do-si-do." "Bless her heart." "Hi." "Remember me?" "I couldn't help but overhear." "If you need a team manager, I'm here to help." "All right, y'all." "Let's start practice." " Here you go." " Oh, thank you." "Hey, y'all." "Sorry I'm late." "Whoo!" "Whoo." "What the hell is that?" "It's chocolate cheesecake, so we don't all get low blood sugar." "That's not your, uh, special cannabis chocolate cheesecake, is it?" "No." "It's just regular old chocolate cheesecake." "It's fit for a Baptist." "Ginger!" "Whoo!" "Hey!" "Whoop." "Hey!" "Ha-ha!" "Our fifth player is here." "I'm not here to play." "I'm here to talk you out of this harebrained idea." "Look, we're all smart women." "I'm sure we can think of another way to raise money." "How 'bout a bake sale, or one of those silent auctions?" "Take off those ridiculous shoes and get out here with us." "You're not here to play, huh, Florine?" "You could've phoned in your half-baked sale idea." "Well, if you're not gonna play, I can call Charlotte Smoot." "I think she may be runnin' for mayor this year." "Charlotte Smoot." "You gotta be kiddin' me." "I could run circles around Charlotte Smoot on the court." "Bless her heart." "Oh, yeah?" "Whoa!" "Ho-ho!" " Yeah!" " You still got it!" "Ha-ha!" "Ladies, I believe we have our starting' lineup." "Whoo!" "What are we gonna call our team?" "Oh, man." "I never even thought of a name." "Hey." "Can you throw me a towel?" "Whoo!" "Got a warm front rolling' in, Roxie?" " Uh-huh." " Your own personal tropical splendor?" "Hey." "That's it." "That's the name of our team." "Tropical Splendor?" "The Hot Flashes." "Personally, I have never experienced a hot flash." " You're such a liar!" " Oh, really?" "Get outta here with your bullshit." "Hey, Kayla." "Hi, Beth." "Millie told me about this, and I think it's great you ladies will be taking on the Armadillos." "You do?" "Oh." "Uh-huh." "I was always too delicate for sports myself." "Mmm." "I wanted to ask how you're gonna be handling' the concession proceeds." "I assume the church will be splitting' 'em with the band, like with all the games." "You know, as church secretary," "I just want to make sure we're singin' from the same hymnal." "Sorry, Kayla." "All the proceeds are goin' to the mobile unit." "I have to find my husband." "No problem." "I have a package." "Honey." "Hello, Laurence!" "Afternoon, ladies." "Honey, I hung up two posters, but I thought it'd be okay... since I am sleeping with the postmaster." "Uh..." "Well, since it's for a good cause, all right." "There is more than one good cause... that could benefit here." "I would love to stay and shoot the bull, but then I'd be a widow." "I wanna finish hanging the posters in town so I can get to practice." "Later, y'all." "See you at home." "Toodle-oo!" "What can I do for you?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "You know, I'm no longer licensed by the state of Texas." "I'm not here about a pet." "You want me to coach basketball?" "I think you'd be perfect for our team." "And why exactly did you choose me?" "My acumen for slam-dunkin'?" "You love basketball." "I've seen you at lots of the games." "And like I said, this is for Tess." "She said you were amazing when she had to put Reba down." "Yeah?" "Well, did she also tell you why I lost my license?" "If it's any consolation, I think you were brave... to kidnap those dogs just to brush their teeth." "Well, aren't I a lucky little bastard?" "I must be the only one in town who likes basketball and got along with Tess." "I chose you because you're a little person and a felon." "And lots of people are scared of you for one of those reasons." "And I chose you 'cause Tess said you were compassionate." "And I chose you 'cause I didn't think anybody else would do it." "I accept your little coaching job." "By the way, you had me at "felon."" "Ahh!" "Ah!" "All right." "Now, Ginger, you stepped in and you had great position, but you gotta box out strong." "Gotta put your butt in it good." "And, Florine, stop worrying about your hair." "I have to go all the way to Waco for my hair." "Those little girls over at Maybelle's Beauty Parlor, they have no idea what to do with this hair." "All right." "Let's do this again." "And, Roxie, try to hit the rim this time." "Well, I had no idea you were an expert at rebounding', Coach." "Roxie Adams, you are so effin' rude!" "Excuse me!" "It's Roxie Rosales for the past 27 years!" "And what's rude is sleepin' with other people's husbands!" "It was 30 years ago, and you weren't married." "I had a ring on my friggin' finger!" "A class ring." "Oh, no, wait." "Actually, it looked a little bit more like a Cracker Jack ring." "Well, if you weren't out all night parked with my Tito... the night before our big game at Elkhart, we might've gone undefeated senior year." "And maybe if you were eating more Mr. Rosales and less Mr. Goodbar, he wouldn't have looked elsewhere." "I am gonna rip those worn-out nipples right off of you!" "Bring it on!" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Don't touch me, girl!" "Hey!" "Stop it!" "Stop it right now!" "Everybody!" "Sideline!" "Now!" "Get off!" "Bitch!" "Hey!" "I feel like it's my responsibility as your coach... to tell you this." "You'll never win if you keep beatin' the hell out of each other!" "There's only room for one enemy now, and that's the Armadillos." "Those girls... they are younger and they are faster." "That's a fact of life." "So we need to use our innate abilities." " Like what?" " I..." "I don't know." "It could be..." "it could be anything." "What do y'all have that they don't?" "Lazy husbands?" "Okay." "Uh, it's a start." " A cynical attitude." " Now we're talkin'." "A welding' license." "What?" "I got it after Flashdance came out." "Everybody was gettin' 'em." "A higher tolerance for alcohol." "Tattoo covering' a C-section scar." "Nonexistent gag reflex." "Okay, okay." "We just need to figure out... how to take full advantage of these assets." "Sure, we gotta abide by what the ref says, but other than that, there are no rules here." "What are you suggesting'?" "Sayin', if mama wants to win, mama might have to get her hands a little dirty." "Here you go." "Thank you." "Good luck." "Hey, hey, hey, Roy!" "Wow." "Roxie." "What's the occasion?" "No occasion." "Since you had to sell your Harley, you don't ride with us anymore." "I just don't get to see you that much." "If I remember correctly, my Purple Haze Pecan Pie was your favorite." "Oh, you got that right." "Hey, how's business goin', Roy?" "Oh, not so good." "I gotta put in twice the number of hours just to get by." "Yeah." "I heard you had to take on a second job just to help pay the bills." "What was that?" "I referee basketball games." "That's right." "Yeah." "Oh, well." "Here ya go, Roy." "You enjoy that now." "Okay?" "Oh, hello, old friend." "Thank you, Roxie!" "All right." "I want to see some tough broads out here today!" "Let's go!" "Come on, Clementine!" "Let's go." "Go." "Boom, boom!" "Get those hips moving." "Get that ball around that hip." "Lift 'em!" "To the left!" "To the left!" "Shotgun!" "To the right!" "To the right!" "Shotgun!" "Go!" "Get 'em up there!" "Get those knees up!" "Let's go!" "Quick!" "Quick!" "Quick!" "Quick!" "Quick!" "Quick!" "Quick!" "Quick!" "Bitch!" "Come on!" "Let me see you flow with me!" "Come on!" "Finger shift." "Finger shift." "Hey, y'all." "Hi." "No one is bettin' in the betting' pool." "We have less than 200 bucks." "No." "Maybe, if we just kick ass in the first game, more people will show up for the second one." "Well, our uniforms are gonna be winners." "Look what Roxie designed and Ginger had printed up." "Oh, Roxie!" "You're so talented!" "I know." "Oh, it's funny." "I've spent half my life as a housewife... and totally suck at sewing' and cooking'." "What have I been doin' all these years?" "Beth, you've been raising' a daughter." "And taking care of a husband." "Well, I'm not too sure about that." "Beth, everything okay with you and Laurence?" "I don't know." "But I should be grateful that he puts up with me." "I don't know what I'd do if he didn't." "Oh, God." "Don't be grateful for that." "You know what you do if a husband walks out on you?" "Lock the door." "I wouldn't take relationship advice from her." "Oh, shut up." "Uh-uh-uh." "I look at Jocelyn, and I know we at least did one thing right." "Mmm." "Count your blessings, Beth." "Not all of 'em turn out that good." "Hey, Mrs. H. Hey, y'all." "Oh, my goodness." "Your uniforms are so cute." "You know, it was real smart of y'all to get T-shirts that cover the back of your arms." "Watch your mouth, Millie Rash." "I mean, they all probably wanna cover up as much as they can... just to make sure one of their teammates doesn't check them out." "Whoo!" "Look at the time." "I have gotta go let the dogs out." "My roommate's still at work." "So I'll see y'all later." "Bye, Ginger." "Bye, Ginger." "Take care, Ginger." "By the way, have y'all met her roommate Jewel?" "I've never once laid eyes on her." "It's kinda like she's embarrassed by her or somethin'." "Maybe she's got a wonky eye." "Come on, y'all." "It's obvious." "We haven't met her because Ginger's not ready to come out." "I mean, Burning Bush isn't exactly Brokeback Mountain." "Execute a full fake... and take one hard dribble in the opposite direction." "That supposed to be a jab step, pump fake?" "I didn't hear you come in." "Give me the Butterball." "I'll show you." "See, the trick is in your waist, not your feet." "Yeah." "Works best when a player's made a bunch of points from a particular spot on the court." "Defense won't be expecting the fake." "I don't think we should be discussing the game." "Coach says that I'm supposed to look at y'all like the enemy." "Oh, okay." "Well, I guess the enemy doesn't need to help with dinner." "Hmm." "Is that rap music you're listening to?" "It's vintage Salt-N-Pepa." "It's not rap rap." "Oh, my God!" "Well, what's it look like out there?" "I have seen more people in a minivan." "Tito's not even here." "And he doesn't have anywhere else to go." "Well, what's it look like in the betting' pool?" "There's only about $400 in there." "Oh!" "Maybe Laurence was right." "Maybe nobody wants to see a bunch of middle-aged women play basketball." "How can we raise any money if nobody's betting' against us?" "Hey!" "We still got a job to do tonight." "Gotta go out there and show this town what we're made of." "What town?" "Nobody's even here." "Have you all forgotten what's at stake here?" "Our dignity?" "Oh, hell." "You..." "You're forcing me to go all Lifetime television for women on you now." "My aunt..." "Aunt Rowena... she, uh... she died of breast cancer." "She lived in a little Podunk town hours away from a doctor... or a decent strip club." "If the town had a mobile unit, then maybe they would have caught it early, and she'd still be here today." "Is that true?" "Only a really small man would lie about somethin' really big like that." "Now, am I the only one not ready to give up on this mobile unit?" "No." "Then what are we all waitin' for?" "Gene Hackman to show up?" "Let's go!" "Hit it." "Where's Roy?" "He's supposed to be reffing' this game." "Ate some bad clams." "All right." "Let's go, ladies!" "Let's go!" "Yes!" "Air ball." "Airhead!" "One." "Whoo!" "Come on." "Pick it up!" "Yeah!" "Kinda like shootin' fish in a barrel!" "Fight, fight, fight!" "That one's mine, girls." "Hey!" "Whoa!" "Clemmy!" "Wide open!" "Wide open!" "What the..." "God!" "Yeah!" "Good one!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Who would've thought that?" "Oh!" "Yes, sir!" "There we go!" "There we go!" "I like that!" "Nice pick, Jocelyn." "Good shootin', Millie." "All right." "Here we go." "All right, ladies." "No mercy, all right?" "Look, I don't wanna be comin' back here for no game two." "All right." "Come on, ladies." "We can do this!" "If we don't get within 20 points, the mobile unit is history." "Come on." "Hot Flashes on three!" "One, two, three!" "Hot Flashes!" "Yeah!" "Go, Florine!" "Roxie!" "Put it in!" "Go ahead!" "Go ahead!" "Whoa!" "Hit the rope!" "Come on!" "Yeah!" " Yeah!" " Yes!" "Let's go!" "Let's go!" "Let's go!" "Let's go!" "Let's go, Florine." "Come on!" "Oh, my God." "Oh!" "Yeah!" "She tried to feel me up!" "What'd she say?" "What?" "That's a lie." "Millie." "Oops." "Why'd you say that?" "Chillax." "I was just jokin'." "Good game." "Good game, good game." "Good game, good game, good game." "Good game." "Good game." "Well, at least you said somethin' about that heathen." "Did you see her face?" "Oh, hi, Beth." "Looks like you get to continue your little match." "Good game." "Would've been if your daughter hadn't pulled that stunt with Ginger." "Oh." "It was a joke." "Besides, the whole town knows that Ginger is... that kind." "If your daughter can't accept others, at least you can teach her some tolerance." "Isn't tolerance just a fancy way of sayin'... that we're puttin' up with somethin' that we know is wrong?" "How 'bout some basic respect?" "Millie respects the Bible." "Yeah." "It's real specific." "Oh." "Well, as long as we're talkin' specifics," "I believe the Bible's real clear about what you and Darryl Lee were doin'... at the mini golf course last week." "If you say one more derogatory thing about Ginger," "I got a real juicy Facebook post waitin' to go out... telling everybody in town how our miniature golf course now has a 19th hole." "See y'all in church." "Don't you threaten my daughter!" "You think you're such hot stuff around here, don't you?" "You and your foulmouthed team are a bad influence on those girls." "Oh, we'll see who this community listens to." "Come on, Millie!" "Darryl Lee?" "Young lady, you are so grounded!" "Hey, baby." "Mm-mm-mm." "Why don't you let me lick those fingers for ya?" "We got any more of that 420 flan, baby?" "No." "But I think I got somethin' real sweet... you might like right here." "Where you goin', baby?" "Is she still out there?" "Yeah." "Thought she'd be tired of this by now." "I give her another..." "week." "I think this is different, Dad." "Hmm?" "She's been staying up every night practicing'." "I think her whole team is really serious about this." "Yeah?" "Okay." "Uh-huh." " Hey, baby." " Where you been?" "I've been quail-huntin' with Dan Metcalf." "It's after 8:00." "I don't wanna argue." "I'm tired." "I found a hair clip in the pickup." "I'm 99% sure it's not Jocelyn's, and I'm 100% sure it's not mine." "What is this, "Special Victims Hair Clip Unit?"" "Those hormones are messin' with you." "I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed." "What's wrong?" "You are." "What did I do?" "Eavesdropping on my phone conversations and using it to get Millie grounded?" "A mother doesn't eavesdrop." "She pays attention." "And that girl deserved it after what she did to Ginger." "She and the rest of the team are barely speaking' to me." "I'm gonna have to write her English term paper to make it up to her." "Since when are you and Millie Rash best friends?" "She's the most popular girl on my team." "And my team is important to me." "Well, maybe my team's important to me too." "Your team goes away in two weeks." "I'm with mine for the rest of the year." "Come on, Flo." "Let's go." "I-I'll be there." "There's only $1,500 in the betting pool." "Doesn't look like much more of a turnout tonight." "We'll come up with somethin'." "All right, ladies." "Gather round." "Where's Florine?" "All right." "I'm ready." "What?" "All right." "The mobile unit is ridin' on us tonight." "If we lose this game, we're not gonna get a third." "If you gals put on a good show tonight, they're gonna tell their friends to come out next game." "It's called "word of mouth."" "mind over matter." "If the refs don't mind, it don't matter." "Hot Flashes on three." "One, two, three!" "Hot Flashes!" "Hips don't lie, sweetheart." " That was a foul." " That's a foul." "It's cool, dude." "What was that?" "Get it!" "She stepped on her foot." "On her foot!" "Yes!" "Hey, that's a foul!" "Intentional!" "Nice hair." "Thank you!" "Hello!" "That was a foul." "What in the Sam Hill?" "Oh!" "I know how starved you must be for attention." "I mean, my mama told me how hard it is to get a husband after a certain age." "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" "Who needs a husband?" "I mean, why buy the pig when all you need is a little sausage?" "Ew." "Score's right." "Cool." "Hot Flashes' ball." "Hey." "I intend to file a complaint with the referee's association." "And don't pretend you don't know what I'm talkin' about." "You'll never work in this state again, dude." "Wow." "Oh, my God!" "Whoo!" "Let's go, ladies." "Rebound!" "Rebound!" "Get back, ladies." "Come on, come on!" "One more." "Come on, Flo!" "Yeah!" "Coach!" "Did you see that?" "I know, I know." "Nice job, ladies!" "We got some celebrating to do." "Drinks on me!" "Whoo!" "Beautiful shot!" "Yeah!" "That's the way, Florine!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Beth, where's Laurence?" "I thought he was comin' by to celebrate?" "No, he had to go back to the post office." "Yeah." "Ever since the layoffs, he has just been workin' overtime every night." "Honey, you look like a million bucks." "Now, you need to go down to that post office and tempt him with a special delivery." "I am not tempting him much lately." "Honey, in that dress, you could tempt most of the men in this town, including a couple of the women." "Okay, ladies." "To the Hot Flashes!" "That was quite a game tonight." "I'm with the Waco Register." "I've seen your posters all over town." "I'm always lookin' for a good story." "Mind if I take some photos of your team?" "Oh, hell." "Nobody wants to see a photo of my big ass in the newspaper." "That's for sure." "My name's Clementine Winks." "W-I-N-K-S." "You need some photos?" "I do." "Why don't you come here with me, and I'll tell you how the team got started." "She's like a gopher in soft dirt." "We could use the publicity." "Get some people out for the last game." "Next round on me." "I sold the pickup today." "Hey!" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Good girl!" "Hey, none for me." "I'm drivin' home." "Oh, can I get a ride?" "The post office is on the way." "I think I might actually surprise Laurence tonight." "Good for you!" "See if his tipsy wife can tempt him now." "Hey, Beth." "Don't forget, you're still in training." "You gotta save some of that energy for the last game." "Aye, aye, sir." " Here you go, boss." " Adios, amiga!" "Yeah." "I'm gonna ride you like a pony!" "Come on!" "Watch out." "Uh-oh." "Butt in the gut." "Butt in the gut." "Oh!" "Hey." "That is not my gut!" "Ah!" "Have a great time!" "Thank you." "Great game tonight, girl!" "See ya tomorrow!" "Seal that envelope." "Where's your stamp?" "Look for the stamp." " Track and confirmed." " I like it." "Oh, no, don't you go express." "Not this time." "Yes!" "Put your bulk mail in me." "Go postal on me!" "Oh." "Oh!" "What was that?" "What was that?" "Beth." "Beth!" "Open the door." "I don't wanna wake Jocelyn." "I need to talk to you." "Beth, please." "Open the door." "I can explain." "Beth, please." "Looks like somebody celebrated a little too hard last night." "Yeah." "Guess I'm not as young as I used to be." "Bacon's supposed to be good for hangovers." "I don't wanna be late for school." "Bye, Dad." "Bye-bye, baby." "Good-bye, Jocelyn." "I don't know what to say." "Why her?" "Do you love her?" "Be honest with me." "I deserve that." "Do you love her?" "What about her husband?" "He's away, workin' on an oil rig." "Oh, isn't that convenient for you both." "Do you love her?" " We'll talk when you calm down." " You come back here!" "Every time you don't wanna hear somethin', you just walk away or you ignore me." "Beth, what do you want me to say?" "That spark we used to have?" "I wanna feel it more than once a year." "I'm too young to feel this damn old." "When you sink a three-pointer for the Hot Flashes, you feel 18 again." "That's how I feel with her." "She's not comin'." "Why?" "We know you're in there." "Did y'all know about her?" "No." "No." "Of course not." "We didn't know, Beth." "But we know you're gonna get through this." "Mm-mmm." "I think he's gonna leave me." "Yeah." "When Jocelyn goes off to college." "And I'll be totally alone." "You will not be totally alone." "You've got us." "You got a whole posse now, girl." "I'm afraid my basketball days are over." "But you can't quit now." "Hey." "Listen." "Havin' a pity party isn't gonna help anything." "Believe me, honey, I know." "I thought takin' on those girls might help Laurence... see me the way he used to." "Whatever happens between you and Laurence, he can't take this away from you." "This was your idea." "Y'all should know that I'm the reason why the mobile unit ran out of money." "I forgot to reapply for the matching funds." "I never told you 'cause I was so ashamed." "You don't get it, Beth." "This whole thing is so much bigger than you are now." "Didn't you read the story in the Waco paper today?" "All right." "Read it to her." "Let me see." "Blah, blah, blah." ""Word has spread like wildfire across the Internet... about the Burning Bush Hot Flashes." "And several similar basketball teams of middle-aged women... have sprung up around Texas to raise money for breast cancer, including the Waco Mood Swings, the Crawford Crying Fits and the Plano Night Sweats."" "You see, Beth." "If you quit, you wouldn't just be quittin' on yourself." "You would be quittin' on all of us." "Come on, Beth." "Come on, Beth." " Come on, Beth." " Beth." "The gym is closed." "You ladies might as well turn around and go home." "We're fixin' to practice." "Sorry." "But you're banned from playin' on school property." "What?" "Who banned us?" "The school board." "They said your whole team... was a bad influence on the kids of Burning Bush." "They had a page-long list of improprieties." "What fucking improprieties?" "Hey." "What about our final game?" "Canceled." "What?" "I'm not exactly thrilled to have our last game of the season be a loss... to an inferior team, but the school board has made up its mind." "The gym is locked." "Ooh." "I hate that man." "We have to let them know that this is wrong." "And how we gonna do that?" "I don't know." "They have their weekly meeting tomorrow night." "I'll think of somethin'." "Miss Humphrey, I'm afraid you're wasting your time." "We discussed this at length before we voted." "What did we do that was so horrible?" "Smokin'." "Bribing referees." "Promotin' homosexuality." "And excessive profanity." "Okay, so maybe we made some folks uncomfortable, but if we promise to be on our best behavior... in the last game, would you take another vote?" "These are serious grievances." "Now, we've made our decision." "We're sorry." "Now, if you don't mind, we have a lot of other business to discuss, and we'd like to get home to our families before midnight." "Oh, it's funny you should mention your families." "Your wives, Frida, Fay, Jodelle, Lanette, Sissy." "They were all high school cheerleaders." "Yeah." "So?" "So, don't you think you ought to consider their feelings... about canceling their last-ever opportunity to be a cheerleader?" "What are you talkin' about?" "Well, I called each of 'em on my way here." "They were awfully excited about doin' a half-time performance." "Oh, you're talkin' crazy now." "Well, why don't you call your wives and ask if it's crazy?" "You wouldn't want them finding' out later that you didn't check in with them... before cheating' them out of this opportunity." "I'll give you gentlemen a moment of privacy." "Beth." "Do you plan to keep seein' her?" "I need to know." "Keep your voice down." "Jocelyn's asleep." "Answer the question." "It's not that simple." "Well, let me simplify it for you." "I'm playin' my last game with the Hot Flashes Friday night." "If you plan to keep seein' her, don't come." "I'm as nervous as a long-tailed cat... in a room full of rockin' chairs." "I haven't been this nervous since..." "State championship game, 1980." "Exactly." "Me neither." "I'm sorry I'm late." "Holy crap, there's a lot of people out there!" "Damn." "Look at you, hot mama!" "Girl." "You got it, you gotta flaunt it." "Ladies!" "Ladies, we got a packed house out there tonight." "That betting' pool is gonna put us over the $25,000 mark." "Now, we just gotta go out there and win!" "God." "All right." "If-If that doesn't crank your engines..." "That little bit of newspaper publicity we got?" "Went viral." "You are not gonna believe who is out there." "Who?" "Good Morning America." "What?" "Get out!" "Shut up!" "Damn." "They wanna shoot a pregame interview with one of our players." "They're settin' up right now." "So." "Who's it gonna be?" "Beth." "You thought of this whole thing." "Yeah." "Beth." "Yeah." "Come on." "Florine, you're runnin' for mayor." "Ginger, this could do wonders for your dealership." "Yeah." "You're lookin' pretty hot." "I'm just sayin'." "I think it's gotta be Roxie." "Right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Really?" "Damn, girl." "Good Morning America!" "Go get 'em, Roxie!" "Be sure to join us later this week when we'll show you the Hot Flashes, a basketball team comprised of women of a certain age, who are taking on the state high school champs, to raise money to help save their local mammogram unit." "So tell us why you're doing this." "Well, it's a great cause." "And we just wanna show the world that women our age..." "We still got game!" "Whoo!" "I'm a breast cancer survivor myself, so I gotta say thank you, and bless you, and go on with your bad self." "Hey, I..." "I gotta go." "Um..." "Gotta go suit up for the game." "You do that." "See ya later." "Thanks for comin'." "You got it." "All right." "She's the real deal." "All right. it's a big turnout, ladies." "Here we go, Florine." "Thanks." "Clementine." "Ginger." "Beth." "You okay?" "I don't think he's comin'." "Oh." "Don't worry." "He'll show." "Hi, y'all." " Who was that?" " My roommate." "My partner." " That's Jewel?" " Mm-hmm." "Now, go ahead, Ginger." "All right, ladies." "This is it." "What's more important than us winning?" "Them losing'." "That's right." "Hot Flashes on three." " One, two, three." " Hot Flashes!" "Yeah." "Get back." "Get back!" "Yeah." "Now get back." "All right." "Come on, Flo." "Come on." "Come on, Beth." "No, no, no!" "Yes!" "All right." "Let's go, ladies." "Let's go!" "Hands up!" "All right, Flo." "All right." "Come on, Beth." "You got this." "Go, Clemmy!" "Yeah, babe." "You scored, babe!" "We'll let Number 7 shoot anytime." "Oh, my God!" "Ah!" "We are not playin' a bad game overall." "Even though some of us aren't hitting' our shots." "Now, no one thought we could keep up with the state champs." "But this game... your game... it's only half over." "Anything can happen in the second half." "I know this has been hard on some of ya." "But I also know that you can rise to the occasion." "Look." "People have been sayin' to me, you know, those gals of mine, they're good for their age." "I tell 'em they're wrong." "Those gals of mine, they are good for any age." "So now, let's get back out there and-and... make fun of their acne!" "Yeah!" "Beth." "We can't win this without ya." "Get your head in the game." "Ball's in." "Take it to the hole." "You never did much of that during our marriage, now, did ya?" "Yeah, yeah." "Denied." "How's that feel, huh?" "Was that good for you?" "It was good for me." "You got it, Beth." " Yes!" " Yeah!" "There you go." "Whoo!" "Injury time-out." "Okay." "Morn!" "Mom, are you okay?" "I'm okay." "I'm all right." "You Okay?" "All right, let's go, ladies." "Come on." "All right." "Everybody take a seat." "You sure you're okay?" "Yeah." "I'm fine." "We need ya out there." "I'm okay." "Roxie." "Okay, ladies, it's comin' down to the wire." "I'm really proud of y'all." "You're doin' great." "We can do this!" "Just remember." "You gotta rebound, Roxie." "Rebound, rebound, rebound." "Beth, you keep lookin' for your shot, all right?" "Florine, you drive to that basket." "Clementine." "Nice leg warmers." "Thanks, Coach." "Remember, Ginger." "Butt in the gut." "Butt in the gut." "Got it, Coach." "Morrey." "How'd you like to go out to dinner?" "I'd like that." "Okay." "All right." "All right, here's what we're gonna do, okay?" "Ready?" "Now what's gonna happen is, Florine's gonna take the ball in, drive down the lane." " Ginger, I want you to sit up and post." " Why did you do that?" "Accidents happen." "Daddy!" "Millie did the nasty with Glenn at the lake last week." "The day after he gave you his ring." "Then she did Bo... while you were at the Fun Run Friday." "And I don't even know the correct term for what she and John Ray did... while you were teachin' Bible school." "Oops." "Did I say that out loud?" " Accidents happen." " Why, you little..." "Ball." "Give me the ball!" "Hey, I'm Open!" "I'm Open!" "Go!" "Go, go, go, go, go!" "Get in there, Millie." "Aha!" "Yes, yes!" "Yeah." "Yes!" "You got it." " Come on, Flashes!" " Go!" "Come on, Flashes." "Get back, get back." "Get your hands up." "All right." "Go, go, go!" "Defense!" "Come on!" "Pass that ball." "Butterball!" "Oh!" "Whoo!" "Yeah!" "Daddy!" "Oh, there she is." "Mmm." "You did such a good job." "You did." "But we lost." "I know, but he's here." "It doesn't always go the way we..." "He's not going away anymore." "He's gonna be working here now." " Daddy, really?" " Yeah." "I've missed you so much." "Beth." "Good game." "I'm so proud of you." "How come you didn't come to the game until the fourth quarter?" "You didn't end it with her." "She ended it with you." "What difference does it make who ended it?" "It's over." "It's a big difference." "Give me the keys." "Give me the car keys." "You can find your own way home." "It is over." "Beth, face it." "You can't make it all alone." "At your age?" "You're right." "I can't." "But I'm not alone." "Hey." "Looking good." "Hey, Beth." "Thanks." "Bye." "Florine, that is a great picture." "Next stop, governor." "Now that you're an elected official, can you do something... about that annoying pothole down by the church?" "I'm sorry." "But Kayla Rash is here to stay." "Bless her heart." "Beth, how is Jocelyn doin' off at college?" "Oh, good." "I miss her." "That's the way it's supposed to be." "In fact, that's gonna be the title of my next blog." ""Tools For Goin' It Alone."" "You might wanna rethink that title." "People are gonna think you're talkin' about vibrators." "And I would listen to her, 'cause she's an expert." "And proud of it." "Mmm." "Y'all believe that my little Web site is actually turning' a nice profit?" "Well, how could you lose with that name?" "Sort of says it all." "Uh-huh." " Ooh, ooh, ooh, y'all." " Ah, y'all." "Would you look at that." "Ooh!" "Shall we?" "Mm-mm-mm!" "A reliable source says they're livin' together." "Guess they decided to eat supper before they say grace." "You know what they say?" "Once you go small..." " You never go tall." " Mm-hmm." "Who says that?" "Nobody says that." "We say it." "Yeah." " Don't." " Don't." "Yee-haw!" "Howdy, folks." "How you doin'?" "We all love Tess." "Motherfu..." "I trusted that it's not gonna hit her." "Ready." "Ready." "Ooh." "A camera with no filter." "I'm worried." "I'm okay." "Oh, my God!" "Look, I'm in a box." "Oh, man." "I can't get out." "Whoo!"