"Subs by Mothman" "Considering the severity of the accident..." "I'm very happy with your recovery." "You're a fast healer, young lady." "Okay." "When can I go home?" "Very soon." "I have a few questions first." "Have you experienced any dizziness?" "No." " Headache?" " Nope." "Hallucinations?" "Well, what do you mean by hallucinations?" "Anything out of the ordinary." "I've had patients with head trauma see all sorts of odd things... space aliens, pink elephants, you name it." "You know, the night of the accident..." "I did see some things that seemed impossible." "But you're saying that that's normal?" "I'm saying it's hardly unusual, and based on your vitals... it's nothing to worry about." "I suggest you put it out of your mind." "Here, these should help." "Okay." "Thanks." "Nobody likes a litterbug." "Did she buy it?" "Hell, yeah." "I've been mopping up after doctors for 20 years." "I got the lingo down." "So you gave her the bottle of Tic Tacs?" " Of course." " Hope she likes peppermint." "You could've got her any flavor you wanted to in the world." "You got her peppermint?" "Really?" "Yeah, why?" "'Cause, Ben, everybody knows... that peppermint is for jerks, right?" "I'm gonna go clean the men's room now." "Thank you very much." "Have a good day." "Later." "Hey, ladies!" "Got ourselves another delivery." "What do we got?" "I give you... beers of the world." " Beautiful." " Guys, come on." "Free wine, free chocolates, free designer soap." "This stuff doesn't belong to us." "Benji, if the moron who lived here before... was too lazy to leave a forwarding address... then he deserves to get got." "Besides, who ate all the free melons?" "I had low blood sugar." "It was an emergency." " Whatever." "Who wants beer-eal?" " I'm in." "Guinness and Lucky Charms for me." "You, sir, have a very refined palate." "I'm bored." "Are you bored, Sammy?" "No." "You know what I could go for?" "A banana split with hot fudge." "Yeah!" "What do you say?" "No, thank you." "Oh, you don't like banana splits?" "What are you, some kind of a commie?" "Come on, my treat." "What part of "no" don't you understand?" "Forget the ice cream." "Do you have a soul for me or not?" "Boy." "Ooh, I guess I'd better get right to it, huh?" "All right, it's your standard case." "The guy was a lawyer, of course." "We have a lot of those in hell." "Cubby Bryce." "He died a couple of months ago." "Your typical ambulance chaser... who got his kicks bilking his clients... of all their hard-earned savings." "He's back once again bleeding people dry, literally." "Gross." "Yeah." "Where can I find him?" "Well, actually, you're sitting on him." "Anything else?" "Nice." " It's really fine, okay?" "It's not..." " Hey." "You're back!" " Hi." " Hi." "Hi." "Um..." "Sorry." "Okay." " Hi." " Hi." "That wasn't awkward at all." " Hi." " Hey." "I'll be back to get you at five." "Okay, great." "Thank you." "You look great." "Have you ever been hit in the head with a shovel?" "No, I can't say I have." "Okay, well that's how my head felt after the crash... and you know what?" "Somehow, through that pain, I found clarity." "Which isn't really coming across right now." "Life is short." "There is no time to waste." "That's all you and I have been doing." " Wasting time?" " Yes." "I mean, we kissed the night of the crash, right?" "I didn't hallucinate that." "No, that definitely happened." "And it was pretty amazing..." " right?" " Yes, that it was." "Okay, then, we're going on a date." "What?" "Yeah, a real date." "No more wasting time." "Does Saturday work for you?" "Yeah." "Good." "I thought it might." "Oh, my gosh." "Would you look at what we have here?" "Don't worry, Josie." "I get your message loud and clear." "What message, jackass?" "You know, you coming to my work... wearing the scarf that I gave you last Christmas." "This?" "It was just the first thing I found at the bottom of my closet." "Oh, yeah." "You know, it's really nice to see... that even though I have clearly moved on... that my mark is still all over you like dog pee... on a pretty, pretty little tree." " Excuse me." " Yes?" "Hey, Ted." "There." "Don't you look sexy?" "I hurt my back at work... and I'd like to discuss my legal options." "Give me a call back when you get this." "Thanks, bye." "Just left a voice mail for Cubby Bryce." "Is that the escaped soul?" "Yup." "He's an ambulance-chasing lawyer." "I figure we set up a meeting." "When he shows up, we ambush him... send him back to hell." "Cubby Bryce." "Why does that sound familiar?" "He's got a bunch of billboards around town." "What kind of name is Cubby?" "Who's named Cubby?" "Your name is Sock." "Your name is Sock." "Did you mousse?" " Don't touch my hair!" " You did!" "Oh!" "Boy's got a date planned." "He's trying to get all sexymified." "Mission accomplished." "Sock and I are excited." "We've been waiting on the sidelines... for you to hook up with Andi since high school." "You know, all the romantic tension between you two... reminds me of my favorite movie of all time..." "Meat-Hammer 5." "At the beginning of the movie... there's this big, long, talky-talky scene." "It goes on for, like, four minutes." "But then the talking ends, hammering begins." "You get it, right?" "That's my point." "So now the talky-talky between you and Andi is done..." " let the hammering..." " No, Sock, I get it." " You do?" "Good." " Loud and clear." "Let's have a toast to our boy's date." "What do you say?" "Hey, guys." "Sam, we need to talk to you in private." "Our apartment." "May I offer you a sangria before we begin?" "Uh, no, I'm okay." "What's with all the mystery?" " Wait until the door is closed." " Why?" "The devil can't penetrate a circle." "He can only enter through corners." "Inside a circle, he can't see or hear us." "This so exciting." "Tell him." " Do you want to?" " Tell him." " Do you want to tell him?" " I want you to tell him." "All right." "Steve told me about your little conversation the other day... and he feels that we can trust you... with our greatest secret, and I agree." "But I have to caution you..." "We're part of an underground alliance... of demons fighting to overthrow the devil!" "What?" "I know, I know!" "This is so crazy." "What are you talking about?" "How can you overthrow the devil?" "We used to be angels, Sam." "We knew the face of God." "But then we followed Lucifer in a revolt against the Lord... and we were cast out of heaven for eternity." "Recently, we've begun to feel that the devil's leadership... is taking us in the wrong direction." "We're tired of living lives of evil." "We're going to defeat him... and we believe that you can help us." "Me?" "How?" "Well, for some reason, you're special." "The devil talks to you." "You're uniquely positioned to be our inside man." "Huh?" "I'm not going up against the devil." "That is insane." "You won't be alone, Sam." "And think of it this way... with the devil out of the picture... he can't collect your soul." "His claim on you will be null and void." "Really?" "Think about it." "You could have a normal life again." "No more risking your neck chasing souls." "No more putting the people you care about in danger." "I guess..." "I can't say no." "Yay!" "Welcome to the revolution, Sam." "Wait, what?" "So Steve and Tony have a plan to knock heads with the devil." " That's what you're telling me." " Yeah." "I can't really get into specifics right now, but it's big." "What?" "No, Sam, come on." "Just give me one little detail, one little hint." "All I can say is if this works, I'll be free." "I can finally get out from under... my current cell phone plan and sign with your provider." "Thank you." "How long have you been sitting there?" "Do you think I'm an idiot, Sam?" "No, I..." "'Cause I know what's going on." "Okay, listen." "I..." "It wasn't my..." "I ask you to go get some ice cream and you refuse... in a rather rude manner, I might add." "So I'm thinking, and I realize, who says no to ice cream?" "Nobody, that's who." "So you're mad about ice cream?" "I treat you with respect... and you treat me like little bits of dirt." "What's up with that?" "You are so weird." "All right." "I'm done." "The little hairs, the little hairs." "Okay, um, do you trust me?" "Yeah, I do." "Okay, yeah." "It stings." "Good day to you, my fellow comrades." "I'm sorry." "Aren't you gonna yell at us?" "What?" "Yell at my peeps?" "I would sooner cut off my arm and yell at that." " What do you want, Ted?" " Josie's phone number." "I think we made quite the connection the other day... when she lovingly draped this scarf over my body." "Okay, listen, Ted, you have my blessing, all right?" " Really?" " A hundred percent." "Give me your hand." "I want you to go forth and hit that thing." "Thank you, Bert." "Please don't press so hard." "I have sensitive palms." " There you go." " Okay." "Are you crazy?" "Josie's gonna eat him alive." "I know, I know." "God, what I wouldn't give to be on the phone... when Josie shoots down Ted Man Walking." "What's up?" "Get in." "It's time for you to meet the underground." "This is your secret headquarters?" "Not until we get inside, Sam." "Can't afford to take chances." "Okay, let's move on to new business." "Maude, give us your insurrection report." "Last week, I planted six dozen flowers... in a public park on Bower." "Begonias." "Oh, wow." "And I let a homeless person shower in my house." "Excellent!" "Do good, people." "Do good, do good..." "Now, who else wants to talk about their week?" "I got something." "My name's Bob, and I'm a demon." "Hi, Bob." "I had a rough week." "It started off great." "I rode around on Monday collecting recyclables... then dropped coins into expired meters... and then I tried to eat a child." "I knew right away it was wrong, so I untied the kid... and called my sponsor Randy." "We had a pretty tough talk." "Thanks, man." "I owe you my life." "Yeah, well, thank you, man." "Everybody, this is Sam, the one I told you about." " Hi, Sam." " Hi, Sam." "Hi." "Sam, any thoughts on what you've heard so far?" "I don't think so." "No." "Sam, what's wrong?" "Look, I guess I'm a little confused... on how feeding parking meters... is supposed to take down the devil." "Kindness is our greatest weapon, Sam." "The devil brings evil into the world." "We undermine him with goodness and charity." "When we make the world a better place... we'll have Lucifer on his knees begging for mercy!" "Yeah!" "That's right." "So you're all just gonna be nice." "Nice, yes!" "We can't lose!" "How long do you think this is even gonna take?" "Three, four hundred years, tops." "Okay, see, I don't have four hundred years." "I'll be dead and in hell!" "Yeah." "From a bunch of rebel demons..." "I was expecting something more aggressive." "We do fun runs." "I gotta go." "I got it." "I got it." "Sam." "Wait." "Look, I'll be honest." "Hang on." "This is hard to say." "I love Steve, but his peaceful resistance plan... is not very efficient." "To someone with a mortal life span like you... a century must seem like forever." "You guys die so quickly." "You're like goldfish." "What we need to do... is ram a nuke down the devil's throat right now!" "That should be the plan!" "Good luck with that, Tony." "Sam." "You need a ride home?" "I'm good." "Hello?" "Cubby Bryce, Attorney-At-Law." "I got your message about the workman's comp case." "Yeah." "Um, I pulled my back out... stocking shelves at The Work Bench... and I'm thinking of suing." "Well, it sounds like you've got the makings for a fantastic case." "I'm happy to come to you." "When's a good time?" "Uh, you can swing by The Bench tonight after work." "That way, we can have some privacy." "That sounds perfect." "Perfect." "So your average on a back injury suit can range anywhere... from a couple of grand all the way up to six figures." "Seven figures if you're willing to bend the truth a little." "Seven figures?" "Are you serious?" "Are you willing to wear a cast or a neck brace?" "Dude, I would be willing... to put on your underwear with you still in them... for seven figures." "Tell me more." " Sock." " What?" "No more questions." "It's okay." "I got lots of time." "No, you don't." "Oh, easy!" "I surrender." "Just let me grab my stuff before you send me back." "Keep it in your pants, Bryce!" "I need a beer." "I second that." "Drinks are on Cubby, boys." "Snagged his wallet." "So any insider tips... what I should be expecting this weekend?" "Oh, I don't know." "I'm pretty sure you asked me out." "Shouldn't you be making the plans?" "Okay." "All right, fair enough." "I'll think of something incredible." "Anything, as long as it involves fireworks... and a hot air balloon, maybe a couple of limousines." "Oh, okay." "Wow!" "That was..." "Yeah." "Okay, how about I just come over?" "Yeah." "Let's do that." "Okay." "I'm gonna..." "Yeah." "I'll see you." "Okay." "Bert Wysocki." "Hola, Ted." "I want to thank you for helping me with Josie." "We had a date last night." "What?" "You had a..." "You asked her out and she actually said yes?" "Let me just say that the date was quite satisfactory." "What do you mean satisfactory?" "What are you tell..." "Did you..." "Did you two touch parts?" "Not yet, no." "But she did call me over to her place tonight... to help her hook up her DVR... and I think we all know what that means." "Yeah, that means she wants you to hook up her DVR." "No." "Hooking up any sort of appliance... is classic gay porn terminology for gettin' it on... and I'm pretty sure that that translates... over to the hetero arena." "Why are you laughing?" "Oh, oh, Ted, I'm sorry." "Listen to me, I am so sorry, really, I am... that Josie got your hopes up like this." "But, um, there is no way... that she'll ever be your girlfriend, okay?" "She's out of your league." " I know that." " Yeah, you know that?" "But she'll date me for the same reasons that she dated you." "The girl likes to date down." "Excuse me?" "It's clearly her thing, her psyche." "Going out with guys that's she's way too good for... makes her feel safe and superior." "It's a bonanza for guys like us 'cause we're dating up." "We're improving our lot." "It's a win-win situation all around." "You know what, Ted?" "Shut up." "You're wrong." "Do you know why?" "Because there's no way... that Josie would ever think that she was better than me, okay?" "So thanks." "Sam... we have something for you." "You are gonna love us." "Love us." "Sam, you are about to see... that when demons set their minds on something... they get the job done." "Behold, our gift to you." "We prepared a human sacrifice." "All for you, Sam." "Uh, what are you doing?" "How is this for me?" "Well, this gets you out of your contract with the devil." "How?" "Well, Bob here used to work at Legal in hell." "He knows how to work the system." "What you want to do is fill out... the standard 357-J transfer waiver... but attach the intangible properties rider." "It's irregular, but permissible." "This guy's soul takes your place in hell... and it's iron-clad." "The devil can't reverse it." "Here." "Just jam this through his heart." "Easy as pie." "Guys, no!" "I'm not sending an innocent person to hell in my place!" "Sam, he's hardly innocent." "He's a drug dealer." "He tried to sell me weed in the park." "It's a gateway drug." "What is wrong with you guys?" "Sacrificing a person is evil." "He's right." "All this time we've been trying to combat our demon natures... and then we go and do something like this." "We should be ashamed of ourselves, you guys." "Come on." "We should return this guy to the park." "Upsy-daisy." "Come on, buddy." "Please forgive us." "Well, I guess, that's it for this week." "Hey, thanks to Stuart for securing this theater space." "Don't miss his turn as Puck because he is fabulous!" "Wait!" "We shouldn't feel ashamed." "We were not built to be pacifists." "We are demons." "We need to play to our strengths!" "We're demons!" "We don't need to kill the devil with kindness." "We need to kill him, period!" "He's right!" "Yeah, he is right!" "Now we have the tool." "We need to destroy him now." "Sam is the devil's friend." "To be clear, I'm not friends with him." "He's just kind of clingy." "Then make him your friend." "Use his weakness to your advantage." "How?" "We need you to summon the devil." "Get his cell number." "We can use that to get him here." "Get that number, and we'll handle the rest." " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "Look, even if you can summon the devil... are you sure you're gonna be able to hurt him?" "You bring the devil, I'll bring the pain." "Josie!" "Josie, open the door!" "It is so clear to me now, lady." "Everything is so clear." "I know what was wrong... with our relationship the whole time." " Do you want to hear it?" " Mm-hmm." "You think that you're better than me!" "Don't deny it." "Don't even try." " Are you crazy?" " No, not anymore, lady." "Not anymore." "Okay?" "I knew it." "I knew it." "On some small level, I knew it." "The whole time we were going out, you looked down on me!" "You know why?" "You date down!" "What does that even mean?" "Where are you getting this?" "From Ted." "Ted?" "Ted is an idiot!" "He doesn't even realize he's wearing a woman's scarf!" "Well, why did you go on a date with him?" " I work 80-hour weeks." " So what?" "I don't date where I work." "If a guy takes the trouble to ask me out..." "I'm inclined to give him a shot at bat." "Well, that makes sense!" "So you believe that I went out with you... just because I think you're some sort of loser?" "For the record, I dated you because you're sweet... you don't care what other people think... and you make me laugh." "I am all those things." "Mm-hmm." "So, um... wanna make out?" " Hey, Tedster." " Hi." " What's that there?" " It's wine." "Oh." "Well, thanks for the wine." " Mm-hmm." " That was nice of you." "I don't actually need the tool box, though... because I already hooked up Josie's DVR... twice." "You play a dirty game, my friend... but you play it well." "See you back at work." "Thanks." "Plastic, please." "Hey, what's going on?" "I just came here to congratulate you on a job well done... and I wanted to get these packs of triple As." "Okay." "Thank you." "You have a nice day." "Wait, wait." "Hold on." "Listen, I don't want it to be like this, okay?" "I'm sorry I've been rude." "Look, if..." "I'll be off here in ten minutes." "You wanna go grab that ice cream?" "Yes, Sam." "I would like that." "So a little birdie told me somebody's got a date with Andi." "You know my rule." "You date anybody you want... just don't tell them about our little secret." "Oh, boy." "Thank you." "Look at it." "Go on, try it." "Well, aren't you gonna eat yours?" "Can't." "I'm just gonna watch you eat yours, okay?" "What do you mean, you can't eat it?" "Wow." "A little departing gift from old so-and-so." "He knew how much I loved ice cream." "Jerk." "Go on." "Take a bite." "Oh, boy." "So, Andi, huh?" "The love of your life." "I thought you didn't believe in love." "I don't believe that humans can feel true, pure love... but I know that it exists." "I've experienced it myself." "I am not human, remember?" "You actually loved somebody?" "Who?" "You mean God?" "Didn't you try to overthrow him or something?" "Well, let's just say we had a little fight." "I may have been a tad impetuous." "But you loved him." "With everything that I was, I loved him... and he loved all of us, too." "I'm sorry." "Oh, well." "Wow." "I haven't talked about the fall since it happened." "Why not?" "There's nobody who would listen." "No, it's just me, all by myself... until now." "I've got you." "So you see us as friends?" "I do." "I don't." "For one, you own my soul." "Oh, whatever." "I don't even think about that, Sam." "I can't even get in touch with you." "If I want to talk, I have to just wait around for you to zap me... wherever you want me to be." "It's not fair." "No, you're right." "You're right." "You're 100 percent correct." " What is this?" " That is my private... and I do mean private, cell phone number." "What area code is this?" "Phoenix." "Now, listen, I don't give this out." "So you keep it in a safe place... and you only use it if you absolutely have to." "I'm a busy man." "I'm glad we talked about this." "Do me a favor." "Have another bite." "You've done a good thing, Sam, for the entire world." "What now?" "I call a convocation of demons... we summon Lucifer... and we use this... the sword of the Archangel Michael." "It split the rock at Colossi, rescued the body of Moses... from the devil's dragons, and vanquished Lucifer himself... in the first heavenly war." "So you're gonna stab him?" "To destroy the devil... we must first cut out his forked tongue... tongue that has spouted lies since the beginning of time." "Then we chop off his hands... that have twisted innocent souls into sinners." "And then, we cut out his heart... a heart that knows only hate." "Only then can the devil truly die." "Is it gonna hurt?" "Oh, his pain will be excruciating." "Let me see that." "The number of the beast." "You should be very proud of yourself, Sam." " Hey!" " Hey." "You excited about your big date?" "Yeah." "That's it?" "Yeah?" "The girl of your dreams is coming over." "You're moping around." "What is wrong with you?" "Okay, listen, it has nothing to do with the date." "I..." "What?" "All right, listen." "Inside the circle." " Whoa!" " Dude!" "The devil won't be able to hear us." "Come on." "Inside." "Dude, that stuff is expensive, man." "Just get in!" "I found a way to take down the devil." "Really?" "That's great." "So what are you crying about?" "I feel bad about double-crossing him." "What the hell?" "He's the devil, Sam." "He's the devil, okay?" "All he's ever tried to do is screw you." "And with the devil out of the picture, Sam... you get your soul back, your soul." "So buck up!" "Are you bucked up?" "I think so, yeah." "I'm bucked up." "Please, stop hitting me, okay?" "I'll get it." "It's her." "Hi." "Hi." "Sorry." "That one was because I'm jealous." "Have a good date, 'kay?" "You two kids have fun." "Enjoy!" "All right." " See you later." " Okay." "Um, can I offer you a beer of the world?" "I'm not really thirsty right now." "No?" "No." "We have plenty of food." "Do you feel like a papaya or a steak?" "This is really cute." "What?" "Why?" "Because you're trying to slow it down... so that we're on an actual date." "I guess I just..." "I want this to be a date we remember." "Sam, it could be the two of us in an empty room." "I'd remember." "I can't think of anything more perfect... than just being here with you... the one person that I really care about... and trust more than anything in the world." " Oh!" " What?" "I gotta take my brain meds." "Oh, no, they're not that bad." "They're actually minty." "No, yeah..." "What's wrong?" "Andi, I'm really glad you can trust me." "I will never lie to you." "I know." "But I might, from time to time... leave out big chunks of information." "What?" "I know I've been acting a little strange for a while... and there's a good reason." "I just can't tell you what that reason is." "All I can say is there's a part of my life... that I can't talk about... at all." "A tiny, tiny part, really small, nothing to do with us." "What am I supposed to say to that?" "I hope you can say you're okay with it... and we can still be together... because that's what I want more than anything." "But if you can't do that, I understand." "It'll suck, but I get it." "Okay." "Seriously?" "Yeah." "I told you, I trust you." "I mean, I really can't think of a secret... that would change the way I feel about you." "That is the last time you come between me and Tony." " Steve, not a good time." " Make it a good time." " Sam?" " I'm afraid Sam... has to cut your evening short... but may I say you look good enough to eat." " Come on." " I'm so sorry." "Secrets?" "Secrets." "Did you really think I wasn't gonna find out... what you and Tony are up to?" "Trying to kill the devil is suicide." "Yeah, Steven, it wasn't my idea." " I heard shouting." " Liar." "You are a liar!" "Steve, I'm sorry we kept you out of it... but we have a fool-proof plan." "That involves deception." "It involves violence." "You know what?" "This whole pacifist thing... is a little hypocritical coming from you." " Here we go." "Here we go!" " No!" "Ask him." "Ask him, Sam." "Ask him how he talked me... into joining Lucifer's war on God." "That is ancient history, Tony." "And yet, getting my ass kicked out of heaven... remains fresh in my mind." "You know the therapist said that this is one of my triggers." "What are you gonna do, Steve?" "You gonna take a shot at me... give in to that demon nature?" "Huh?" "Show a little fang?" "No, 'cause I don't do that anymore." "There's a better way." "And I am gonna redeem myself in the eyes of our Creator... and I am gonna regain my rightful place in heaven." "Mm-hmm." "And in the meantime..." "Sam and I are gonna be kicking ass and taking names." " Come on." " No, wait, Tony." "I don't..." "No, everything's in place." "The devil dies tonight." "Are you sure that thing will be able to kill him?" "Positive." "We're all going to be free." " Yeah!" " Yeah!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Steve, not now." "I'm not speaking with you." "Steven." "I'm begging you all." "Please, call this off." "If we murder the devil in cold blood... we become more like him." "The only way to defeat him is to turn our back on his ways." "Who's with me?" "Anyone?" "Steve, I'm sorry." "We're going through with this, and if you want to leave..." "I completely understand." "But I would love it if you stayed." "My place is at your side." "You know that." "I'm so glad." "All right, Sam." "Let's do this." "Hey, guys, we're just grabbing some of the beer for the roof." "We're not..." "I repeat..." "We are not trying to see you bone." "Relax, they're not here." "I think they're in the bedroom." " Damn it." " I know." "All right, hold your arms up." " Sock." " Yeah?" "How long are you planning on us being on the roof?" "I don't know." "That's up to Sam, isn't it?" ""Mr. Cubby Bryce."" "What?" "Cubby Bryce." "Cubby Bryce, that soul we captured." "What?" "Yeah, we're drinking his beer." "What?" "You know, I knew his name sounded familiar." "I mean, his name's on every single one of these labels." "So I don't understand." "What, did the soul live here before we moved in?" "Had to." "And that can't be a coincidence." "Sock, you think the devil has something to do with us... moving into this apartment?" "Ben, I don't even want to go there, man." "I found this joint in a real estate ad." "The devil has nothing to do with it, okay?" "I knew this was too good to be true." "So you found this place yourself, right?" "Yes, I did." "One hundred percent." " Then what's this?" " What?" "Look who signed the lease, Sock." "What?" ""Satin."" "Satan, Sock!" "He signed the lease himself." "Okay, this doesn't make sense to me, okay?" "Why would the devil want us to move in here?" "Because he knew Sam would meet Steve and Tony... and help with the revolution." "It's a trap, Sock." " Sam!" "Sammy!" " Hey!" "Okay." "Here goes." "Oh, uh, sorry, I should take this." "Oh, man." "Hello?" "Sam, what are you doing?" "Oh, yeah, I'm kind of in the middle... of a rebellion right now." "Can I please call you back?" "No, listen very carefully." "The devil put us in this apartment." "He knows what you're doing." " He knows, Sam." " He knows." "He's setting us up." " The devil is onto us." " What do you mean?" "We can't go through with this, okay?" " What?" "We're way too close." " No!" "Hey, gang!" "Are we having a party?" "Whoa!" "Neat." "Boys." "Now did you really think..." "I'd leave the actual sword of the Archangel... lying around for you to find?" "Huh?" "I got it in Koreatown." "Oh, Sam." "Look what you did." "Stabbed me in the back." "Quite a show, huh?" "You killed them." "Yup." "Why did you have to kill them?" "Well, they were sort of trying to kill me, Sam." "They weren't exactly loyal employees." "It's very helpful of you, though... to get them all in one location like that." "Made my job way easier." "Oh, come on, man." "Relax." "My whole plan depended on you conspiring against me." "It's all good." "Why'd you do it?" "Oh, I was tired of them, Sam." "I have enough annoyances in my day." "Exhibit A." "No, that's not why." "They weren't just annoying, they were right." "Steve was right." "His peace plan?" "That was really a threat to you." "Oh, yes." "I'm so terrified by people who are super-friendly." "Come on, you wouldn't have gone through all the trouble... if you weren't afraid." "What they were planning was gonna work." "Oh, that's an adorable theory, but completely wrong." "Love, generosity, decency..." "it weakens you." "If everybody in the world were good... you'd have no one to tempt!" "You wouldn't even exist!" "It would destroy you!" "Well, what are the chances of that ever happening?" "By the way..." "I'm changing my cell phone number."