"People ask, "If you're African, why's your name Michael Blackson?"" "When I got to customs, they said, "What's your name?"" "I said:" ""We're gonna call you Michael Blackson."" "I said, "I don't give a fuck what you call me." "Just let me the fuck in."" "The reason the black kids are not learning is because the black parents don't know what the fuck they're doing themselves." "It's hard." "I ain't looking for no man to pay my rent." "I can pay my own rent, hello." "It's the light, gas and phone bill I need help with." "Black people are funny than a motherfucker, right?" "Look, we can grow up our whole lives and never know our cousins' real names." "Right?" "Ain't that some shit?" "You know, the other week, police came to the house:" ""We're looking for the whereabouts of a Clarence Johnson."" ""We don't know no Clarence Johnson."" ""Are you sure about that?"" ""Yeah, officer." "Shit." "We don't know no Clarence Johnson."" ""Well, what about a Black Black?"" ""Oh, that nigga right there." "Shit." "Nigga, I didn't know that was your name." "Fuck, get him." "Nigga, run, run." "Nigga, run." "Five-0 here." "My brother, let me know."" "The jumper, a regular on the comedy-club circuit African American, reported to be between 25 and 35 years old and said to have been depressed." "So how have these typical comics reacted to the jumper?" "I think we can sum it up by these three." "Hey, y'all." "Remember when my mama used to try to sing?" "We'd be in the car, she'd turn the radio up." "Trying to sing with Aretha." "Thought she sounded just like her too, until I cranked down the radio." "She'd be in the car:" ""R-E-S-P-E-C-T."" "And she'd spell it right too but then she sang it like there was a K at the end." "You know, like "respeck."" "Just a little bit of respeck" "That's my mama." "Where'd the K come from?" "I ain't never seen a K in that word." "Then she'd try to dance." "Started moving her feet." "Kicked that leg up doing the Hucklebuck." "Looked like a white man with a seizure." "My poor mama got no rhythm." "Guess she dance for Jesus now, huh?" "Yes." "I'm sorry, y'all." "Hey." "Come here." "Hey, boy, don't walk away when I'm talking to you." "What the hell you think this is?" "Showtime?" "What you trying to do?" "Dad, you know as well as I do Mama wouldn't want everyone sitting around just moping and crying." "Do you still plan on leaving?" "Nothing left for me here." "Thanks a lot." "So you..." "You're going out to Hollywood to be a big star, huh?" "Yeah." "Well, this is great timing, Reg." "I mean, with your mama gone you know that I can use all the help I can get with the business." "Son, you know how many people try to go off to Hollywood to be a star?" "You are set here." "I mean, what is wrong with selling a little real estate?" "Oh, Dad, that's you." "It's not me." "Me, I'm won'th $2.5 million." "I built an empire for you." "No, no, no." "You built that for you." " All right?" " So you're just gonna go out there you know, and be a bum and make an ass of yourself." "Why don't you get off my back?" "Damn, you're always putting heat on me." "I got dreams." "I got goals." " I got things I wanna do." " Fuck your goddamn dreams." "I done did everything I could in the world for you." "When you wanted a car..." "I had your back." "When you got that little bitch pregnant..." "I had your back again." "I had your back even when you had a little substance-abuse problem." "You're inconsiderate and ungrateful." "What the fuck are y'all looking at?" "Shit." "I'm sick of y'all." "I just do, do, do." "For all of y'all." "For all of y'all." "I bought that goddamn suit." "I take care of your goddamn kids." "What the hell are you looking at?" "How many times have I paid your goddamn rent, huh?" "I'm sick of all of you." "Yeah, just because Winston's rich, you come to him?" "Winston will help you." "Well, I'm sick of that." "And I'm especially sick of you." "Wanna leave?" "Take your ass out of here." "But don't you come back to my door." "And you will be back." "It's all about money with you." "It's all it ever is." "I don't need your money." " I don't need your car." " Give me my goddamn keys." "Walk, nigga." "Only thing I need is to get away from you." "And I ain't coming back here." "You ain't got to worry about that." "What you looking at?" "Nothing." "Absolutely nothing." "That's for you, Ma." "What you say?" " I see why Mom took herself out." " Motherfucker, I will kill you, nigga." "Get your hands off me." "Get your hands off of me." "Boy, get the fuck away from my house." "I loved your mother." "I took good care of your mother." "No, he didn't just kill that cockroach and just walked off like nothing happened." "Oh, that's a bit." "Do a bit on finding a new apartment." "Well, I say to the apartment manager, "I thought you said no pets."" "And he says, "Correct, no pets."" "I say:" ""Guess them cockroaches don't count as pets, huh?" "They're bigger than baby shoes."" "Hey, guys." "Let's get this stuff on the truck." "I just moved here from Fresno." "Y'all got a lot of crime in L.A." "Crime's so bad out here, they don't ask, "What's miss...?" I mean..." "They don't ask, "What's happening?" No more, they ask, "What's missing?"" "Crazy, y'all, it's crazy." "I was at the store the other day..." "I mean, "supermarket," y'all call it out here in L.A." " And I'm eating up all the samples." "And this dude..." "This dude said to me..." "Make that paper and plastic." "You ain't shit and you ain't never gonna be shit." "Okay." "All right, come on, give it up." "Reggie Sinclaire." "That was Reggie Sinclaire." "Thank you, Reggie." "The next Chris Rock." "Ladies and gentlemen, the management of The Last Stand would like to ask for cooperation in the following:" "Keep your conversations to a minimum." "Don't yell out at the acts." "And put your cell phones on silent." "Ladies, you might wanna put yours on vibrate." "All right, it is my pressure..." "I mean, pleasure to introduce our next comedian." "You've seen him on Judge Mathis." "You've seen him on Court TV." "Give a nice welcome to Bo Clark." "Ladies and gentlemen, Bo Clark." "Did you see the jumper?" " I saw him bounce." " Yeah, but he didn't stick the landing." "That's definitely a two-point reduction." "Everybody knows that." "You have to take into account the difficulty of the jump." "As you can see, Jerry, everything here is a big joke." "Reporting live from this tragic scene at The Last Stand, I'm Shawne Baxter." "Cheryl." "Bo." "Bo!" " Wake your ass up." " Oh, I'm sorry, Rob." " Get moving and get back to work." " I'm sorry, Rob." " I didn't get any sleep last night." "I'm sorry." " Yeah, right." "So how many jobs you got now, Bo?" " Mind your business, bitch." " Hey, homey, check it out." "It's dinner for your wife and kid, dog." "Everybody, get back to work." "And you, man, you need to get your shit together." "Between all these jobs and this late-night comedy crap step it up, or me and you gonna have problems." "It's not gonna be a problem." "Okay?" "I got this." "It's just..." "Look, I really need this job, okay?" "I just moved in with my mother-in-law, so that's an extra mouth to feed..." "Son, look I know you're not trying to be a dishwasher for the rest of your life." "But you're gonna kill yourself doing all these jobs." "I feel you, Rob." "Feel you." "But good looking out, man." "It's a good crowd out there tonight." "Lot of couples." "Lot of people with dates and stuff." "It's good." "Relationships are always cool." "Hey, G-Spot, how come you have no girlfriend, man?" "How you expect me to get a girlfriend with your hand halfway up my ass?" "My hand's not up your ass, G-Spot." "Smell your fingers." "They smell like shit." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Stick to the script." "You know the script." "Let's go over here." "Let's go over here." " That's my baby." " Yeah, when he's bad, he's your boy." " No, that's my baby." " Yeah, okay." "He's cute too, right?" "That, he does get from me." "Like his daddy." " I wanna talk to you about something." " Okay." "I'm really tired of this." "Tired of what?" "Look, baby..." "I can't continue washing dishes and throwing newspapers and delivering pizzas for the rest of my life." "Acting is gonna be our way out." "Bo, acting is not paying the bills." "Can't you just support me for once?" " I am supporting you." " No, no, you're not." "I'm out here busting my ass while you sit in the house." "I got three jobs, Cheryl." "How many you got?" "I'm raising your son." "That's a job in itself." "I mean, you act like I sit at home doing nothing all day." "Bo, you're not even home enough to see what I do." "You come in, you plop down on the couch you hold Ahmad for like 10 minutes, and you think you've done something." "Come on, please don't question what I do." "I work hard with our son." "All right, baby your mom helps you out." "You wanna be real with it." "Okay, I just..." "I don't see why you can't get a part-time job." "Sometimes I wonder why we even did this." "Did what?" "This." "This marriage thing." "I could really be doing a lot better." "Really?" "Baby, black actors starve and so do their families." "My uncle told you about that position at FedEx last week." " It's a full-time position." " Cheryl." "That's not what I wanna do." " I don't wanna..." " Bo, they got benefits." "And it's not about you and what you wanna do anymore." "You got a child and a wife to think about." "And we need some security." "I'm tired of taking Ahmad to those Medicaid doctors." "You..." "You're refusing to listen." "It's, like, not..." "It's impossible talking to you." "And then you got dry lips." "Get something for your lips." "Get a ginger ale?" "You ever seen somebody's lips so dry, it make you put on your chapstick?" " Thank you." " Tough crowd." "Yeah, I know." "That's the nastiest, ain't it?" "Reggie Sinclaire?" "Yeah." "Yeah, that's me." " What's up?" " What's up, man?" "Tru Dogg Kincaid, that's me." "Tru Dogg?" " Yeah, I speaks the truth, dog." " Okay." "It's hard to hear in here, let's go on top." "What's that?" "It's next door where the comedians hang out." "Okay, all right." " So bad, you can't say nothing to him?" "Only thing you can do is frown at him." " They be like, "What up...?"" " Thanks, man." "What's this, man?" "This is our stage." "This is where we work out." " Before we take it to the real stage." " For real?" "It's kind of close to the edge, ain't it?" "That's how we live." "It's beautiful up here." "Audience didn't seem to be paying too much attention tonight." " Maybe because it was the dinner show." " Yeah, maybe I just wasn't that funny." "I ain't trying to give you advice and stuff but you gotta be a little more street with yours." "No matter how you look at it, that's what them white folks are expecting." "Where I've been, you gotta be street all the time." " Where you been?" " Let's say a place you don't wanna go." "Yeah, where's that?" "Prison." "I just got out." "That's good." "Put that in your act." "You serious?" "Yeah." "My bad." "What for, man?" "Do you mind?" "No, that's a long story." "Let's say I was at the wrong place at the wrong time." "Hanging out with the wrong crowd." "Just being young and dumb." "Thought I was hard." "Couldn't tell me shit." "But it be's like that sometime, you know I mean?" "It's tough, man." "In there, you gotta watch your back 24/7, and your ass." "I bet." "Hey, yo, Kevin, man, bring me a beer." "What was you doing up there, man?" "What was you doing?" "You know the fucking lines, G-Spot." "Stick to the fucking script!" "You always..." "You do what you wanna do all the time." "What?" "Don't you motherfuck..." "Don't fucking embarrass me!" "You're fucking embarrassing us, you know that?" "I e-mailed you the fucking script." "Read your e-mails!" "This next guy you probably bought weed and a fish sandwich from at the local beauty parlor." "Put your hands together for TD, Tru Dogg Kincaid." "Give it up for him." "Tru Dogg." "Hey, don't I know you?" "Yeah, yeah, I know you." "Yeah, you was locked up with us." "Yeah, I recognize the back of your head." "Hey, Tru." "Two more days, baby." "Yeah, nigga." "I can't wait to get back in your mom's arms again." "Oh, my God, nigga, let me tell you something about your mama." "Her titties hang so low that she kicks her nipples when she walk." "Nigga, your mother's so black, they use her bath water to dye bowling balls." "Really fucked up, man." "You know, my accountant, he's not very bright." "I had to stop working with him." "Because he thought that American Express was a parcel delivery service." "Told you, man, fucked up." "My mom was always talking about how she wanted me to be something." "How she wanted me to go to college." "Shit, I went to college." "I was there the other day, dropping one of my homeboys off." "Thank you, that's my time, everybody." "Goodnight, y'all." "Tru Dogg Kincaid." "Give it up for him." "Yeah." "I've been having trouble getting dates." "I don't know what it is." "My friends said I should lower my standards but if I lower my standards any more, I'm gonna be sucking cock." "Anyway..." "Thank you." "Straight out of Brooklyn, New York City give it up for Dede Calvin." "She's gorgeous." "Give it up." "Dede Calvin." "What's up?" "How y'all feeling tonight?" "Mom." "Ma." " Yes, honey." " I wanna talk to you." "I'm listening." "This whole teaching thing is becoming like a job to me." "Don't get me wrong, because I really love working with the kids." "But it says here in the book that he discovered America." "Well, I know, sweetie, but the truth is Christopher Columbus showed up in America after it had already been discovered." "I think the only good thing that happened was he received some reward points on his frequent-sailing miles." "Should have brought his Discover Card, huh?" " You're so funny, Miss Calvin." " Well, thank you." "Let's get to work." "I'm an actress." "I'm a comedian." "So I just moved out here." "Yeah, I just moved out here." "Straight out of Brooklyn." "Yeah." "My first time being out on my own." "I'm happy to be here in L.A. With y'all." "You know, I had a big altercation with my mother." "Yeah, she didn't wanna let me go, that whole separation-anxiety thing." "I was like, "Mom, I'm 30 years old." "I gotta get the fuck out, you know." "Yeah, gotta do my own thing."" "You know, so I sat her down." "I said:" ""You know, I'm not a child." "Okay." "Let's be real." "I'm a grown woman." "A grown-ass woman, you know." "And I'm perfectly capable of making grown-ass-woman-type decisions." "I mean, at the end of the day, come on, I know what wine goes with Twinkies."" "The only acting you've ever done was in a high school play." "What do you know about acting?" " What do I know about acting?" " Yes." "My entire life has been an act." "Everything about me is an act." "I acted like it was okay when you forced me to go to college for this decent salary." "I acted like it was okay when my daddy walked his black ass out that door when I was 10 years old." "And you know what else?" "I acted like it was okay when your boyfriend would sneak into my room." "Stop!" "Don't you go there!" "Stop that." "I'm sorry about that." "How many times do we have to talk about that?" "Black people, do me a favor." "Have a life goal." "Do something with your lives." "Just strive, you know, for something other than The Maury Povich Show." "Yeah." "Yeah." "That's where they do the DNA testing where they bring, like, five to 10 different men on to find out which one of them is father of your child." "I need for y'all to think outside the box just a little bit." "Yeah." "This motherfucker." "Okay." "Now, when you find out that none of them is the father of your child you take off running backstage." "Start kicking and screaming and crawling and yelling like you didn't know that he wasn't the father." "But we all knew." "Because Pookie don't look like him." "Pookie don't look like none of them." "That's my time, y'all." "I'm Dede Calvin." " Hey, hey, you were great." " Oh, thanks." "What kind of wine goes with Twinkies?" " I beg your pardon?" " The wine." "Twinkies." "Would you suggest a Pinot Noir?" "Or maybe a nice Riesling?" "It's the critic, the walker." "The motherfucker." " Yeah, I think I did say that, didn't I?" " Yeah." "Let's not get off on the wrong foot." "The reason I got up early was so I could be the first one to talk to you." "Everybody's talking hip-hop now." "Even my grandmother's like, "I'm rolling with my homeys to bingo." "Touch those cookies and I'll bust a cap in your ass."" "I asked my grandmother why she cheats at bingo." "She's like, "Hey, hate the game, not the player."" "So you could convince me of what a nice guy you are, right?" "No, no, no." "I'm a prick, for sure." "But those who know me would say that deep down, I'm a nice prick." "Okay, well, nice to meet you, prick." "But I gotta go to work tomorrow." "I'm Scott Jacobs with ICC." "Dede Calvin, I see you." "That's cute." "You're cute." "And I gotta tell you, from what I saw up there tonight you have a lot of potential." " Hopefully to be more than just cute." "We'll see." "Do you have a second?" "Well, for Hollywood's most powerful agent, I think I can spare a second." "You've heard of me, huh?" "Well, who hasn't heard of you?" "You flatter me." "What's your name?" "Sparkle." "Black people stop naming your motherfucking kids after cars alcohol, constellations and motherfucking clothes, all right?" "I'm serious." "Look, the other day, I met this chick, right?" "Her name was Alexis Alizé Sparkle Prada Jackson." "How the fuck that gonna look on an application?" "I gotta tell you, I think you have a lot of talent." "What you don't have is representation, and maybe I can change all that." "You're gonna need someone in this town to guide your career." "It can be a rough place, rough people." "Understand?" "Yeah." "I want you to call the office and make an appointment." "Absolutely." "Thank you, Mr. Jacobs." "You're very welcome." "That shit don't make no sense, I'm just saying." "Other day I was in the supermarket, right?" "Walked up to this kid, "What's up, little man?"" "He said, "How you know my name?"" "Stop doing this shit to your kids." "Stop it." "Get that motherfucker another drink right there." "That motherfucker know comedy." " You catch my act?" " Oh, my bad, man." "I was going over my act, man." "Want something to drink?" "They're free for the comedians." "Oh, no, I don't drink, man." "I'll take a ginger ale." " Come on, man, are you sure?" " Yeah, trust me, I'm sure." "I got a lot of material from being inside." "It's all up in here." " I bet." " But it's all over the damn place." "Maybe we could get together." "You can help me shape it." " We could help each other." " A writing session or something?" "That's cool." "Let me get your number, we'll hook up." "I ain't exactly got a phone right now." "I'm getting ready to move out of the Y." "Soon as I find a place I can afford." "Ain't nothing but a bunch of damn bums in there anyway." "You're staying at the Y, man?" "You got some money, man?" "I mean, think you can afford, like, 225 a month?" "For what?" "I got a couch." "I could use some help on the rent." " Yeah, yeah." "Hell, yeah." "I can swing that." " All right, all right." "Cool." "Well, consider us roommates." "Tru Dogg." "Yeah, that's what's up." "Reg Sinclaire to the rescue." " It's all good." " I'll drink to that." "Yeah, that's Greg Rant." "Local bite comedian according to everybody around here." " Bite comedian?" "What, he steals?" " Well, only your good stuff." "Since you don't have anything, you're safe." "Oh, you got jokes." "Yeah." "He touch any of my joints, I'm gonna break his jaw." "But I do know what wine goes good with Twinkies." "Y'all gotta answer a question for me." "Why do we do our kids a disservice by what we name them?" "Kijuana." "Radisha." "I go in a grocery store the other day." "I see this little boy playing." "I say, "What's up, little man?"" "He like, "How you know my name?"" "I was like, "I don't, man." "But I guess I do now."" "Look, I'm Greg Rant, I'll see y'all later." "I'm the best in the world right here." "That's your bed." "The couch." "In here, man." "I cleared some space in the closet for the rest of your clothes." "And the first drawer of the dresser, put the rest of your stuff." "I mean, I know it ain't much, but..." "Hey, man, I've been in worse." " Yeah." " Hey, man, look." "You ain't that crazy about my acts, huh?" "Hey, I don't know." "I ain't the one to judge." "I know, I know, I know." "It's just sometimes I get uncomfortable on-stage, man." "It's like everybody's looking at you." "It's like they're saying, you know:" ""Be funny." "Be funny." "Be funny." And it's like I be bugging, man." "Yeah, man." "I feel you." "Hey, have one." "No, I can't, man." "I had my bout with the bottle back in high school amongst a whole bunch of other things." "I mean, I was wilding out." "Out there." "I had to quit, man." "Gave it up, cold turkey." "Don't come to the club if you ain't gonna laugh." "What the fuck?" "How you gonna come to a motherfucking comedy club and not wanna motherfucking laugh at a joke?" "Some bullshit." "You ain't all that, motherfu..." "You're cute." "I mean, you're cute." "Okay?" "Shit." "You ain't all that fine, though, to be up there, "Motherfucker."" "See, man, that's my problem." "I can't deal with hecklers, man." " I can't." " Personal attacks work." "You gotta make the attacks work for you and not against you." "Talk about their mamas, their daddies and their clothes." "That ain't me, man." "I can't do that." "I suck at improv." "You?" "You like a Gatling gun of insults." "Your mama... your daddy... your fat uncle." "Come on, man." "That's because for the last 12 years, my audience has been murderers gangbangers and rapists." "Tell a joke in there and it goes bad, gotta throw up your hands." "That's why I don't get upset when a handful of drunks don't laugh." "So what?" "Least I ain't gotta worry about getting shanked." "Think I should get arrested?" "I'm bullshitting, man." "All right, man." "No, I'm out, man." "Reg." " Stop stealing, man." " What?" "Come on, man." "Trying to make the apartment look sexy for the ladies, Dogg." "They love these lamps, man." "That's why the club got them." "Stop stealing, Reg." "Yes." "What's up, fellas?" " Hey, what's going on?" " Y'all get bumped again?" "Yep." "You know Buddy be hating on anybody who gets big laughs." "I don't get it." "Why does he have so much control over who goes on stage?" "Because he's fucking the owner." "This shit is crazy." "We come out here every night till 2 in the morning just to get five minutes on-stage in front of a bunch of drunks." "Yeah, and then this punk bumps us." "Hey, ladies and gentlemen." "Miss De..." "What's your last name?" "It's Calvin." " Did your thing up there." " Oh, thank you very much." "Yeah, you were great." "Look, I'm Bo." " Hi." " How are you doing?" "This is TD, Mr. Announcer, right here." " And it's Reggie, right?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "I ain't trying to sound corny." "But we should look out for one another." "Just gotta make sure we have each other's backs." "Well, you can count me in." " Me too." " I'm down." "What we need to try to do is start demanding more stage time." "That's what's gonna get it, you know?" "Keep in contact with each other, do something, man." "Call me." "You can call me anytime." "You can get at me and TD with this number." "Until Mr. Announcer here decides to get a phone." "I'm trying to get a job first, then I'll get a phone." "Yeah, I see you got the same phone as me, huh?" "Oh, yeah, my mother got it for me." "She likes the paging feature on it." "My wife, she loves the paging feature." "Oh, joy." "I'll give you my Direct Connect and then you can chirp me." "Yeah, all right." "Hey, how can I Direct Connect you?" "You're gonna have to use the phone." "Oh, I see." "So you're saying, if I call you 3:00 in the morning and ask what you're wearing, you gonna tell me?" " See, you're a nut." " Oh, see, I got a joke for that one too." "But I won't say it, unless you wanna hear it." "Last night was one of my best shows." "I had a heckler." "This guy with his wife." "I said, "She left her shoes under my bed."" "Hey, what the hell is going on here?" "You guys get back to work." "Hey, Sinclaire." "How many breaks do you need a day?" "Come on, boss, if you let me smoke my weed when I'm clocked in I wouldn't need so many breaks." "I'm just joking." "You know what, man?" "I am not playing with you." "Well, that's because you're used to playing with yourself, boss." "That's why nobody shakes your hand." "You haven't noticed that?" "I'm just joking." "Come on, get the hell in there." "Get over there." "That's the jack-off hand, man." "Don't be touching me with that hand." "What's up, Reg?" "You ain't work today?" "Reg." " You ain't working today?" " Oh, no, man." "Foreman gave me the rest of the year off, man." " Without pay." " Word." "He had it in for me anyway." "He didn't like me." "He was waiting for an excuse to fire my ass, I gave him one." " Fuck him." " What's this? "Call DJ."" "My parole officer." "When did this come in?" "Shit, I don't know, man." "Last Thursday, Friday." " What?" " Forgot to tell you." "Goddamn it, what is wrong with you?" "You slipping?" "Oh, man." "I said I'm sorry, man." "I forgot to tell you, I'm sorry." " Be happy I wrote the thing down." " Be happy you wrote it down?" "That's the least you could do for me after all the shit I do for you." "I sit around, helping you with your tired-ass jokes." " Oh, my jokes are tired." " This is serious." "This is my life." "Come on, man, going on with all that bullshit, man." "You didn't call for a couple of days, just tell him you was out gigging." "Just think of some jokes, man." "That ain't no big..." "I know what the fuck is wrong with you." ""Oh, yeah, TD." "I went cold turkey, I don't drink." "I got it under control."" "Look at you, sitting here, drunk." "I got control of this shit, man." "I got control of this mess." "This is my life you're fucking with, not yours." " My fault you didn't call that parole officer?" " Stealing shit." " So what, man?" "So what?" "So what?" " Fuck you." "Man, don't kick my couch, man." "Tired-ass jokes." "My couch wasn't tired when I let your ass sleep here." "Reg, you slipping, man." "You fucking slipping." "Yeah, well, look." "Look at me slip." "I'm drinking to slipping." "I'm drinking to slipping." "We're slipping." "We're tripping and slipping and dipping, nigga." "So what, bitch?" "I'd like to say hi to my wife who's..." "She's here tonight." " Give it for her, y'all." "Yeah." " Yeah." "Yeah." "She's beautiful." "She's beautiful." "Thank God my girlfriend isn't here." "This is the first time she's seen me perform." "Know why?" "Because I'm not that good in bed." "I'm gonna be honest with you." "Oh, well." "It's hard, man." "Marriage." "It's..." "It's work." "You know?" "It's tough to make love when our 2-year-old son is in the bed with us." "You know." "It's like..." "Don't give me none..." "I love my son." "You know?" "That's my heart, but my wife, she's like:" ""Bo, baby, it gives me such a, you know, warm feeling just to know that our son is close to us at night."" "I said, "Baby, that warm feeling is Ahmad pissing on us again." "Girl, what you talking about?"" "Well, it's better than getting shitted on." "Okay, now, who said that?" "You can call me "master" if you like." "That's a first, a racist heckler." "Aren't you late for a Klan meeting or something?" "I'm no racist." "I resent that, friend." "But I'll buy you a drink anyway." "No." "No." "That won't be necessary." "Bartender." "Get my man here one of those watermelon-flavored martinis." "Hey." "I'm not gonna finish all these wings." "You want some wings?" "Listen, I'm Bo Clark." "Good night." "Hey, Dede." "Dede." "Did you see who was heckling me?" "No, I just got here." "Wanna go up top?" "No, I can't." "I gotta find my wife, go to work." "I'll talk to you later." "Okay." "Bye." "I'll go up top with you, baby." "What?" "Bitch." "Hey, look at this dude right here." "Look at this dude." "He..." "What are you?" "What are you?" "I'm white." ""White." I know that." "What you do for a living?" " I'm a lawyer." " A lawyer." "I figured that." "That's why your cheap ass is sitting there drinking water." "Who is the broad you got next to you?" "Is this your secretary, your wife?" "What?" " My wife." " Wife of a lawyer." "Now, she's probably the only one you don't fuck." "Hey, Reggie Sinclaire." "Give it up for him." "Big Reggie." "Oh, Reggie, my man." "Reggie, come over here for a second." " Come on." "Come on, over here." " He ain't that good." "I know, but we gotta fill that hole in the tour, eh?" "TD would've been perfect but parole is killing me." " What about that chick Dede?" " Jacobs wants her to sign with ICC." "What chances have we got if she does that?" " I don't have a problem with Jacobs." " He's got a problem with you." " He hates your guts." " Listen." " Martin Lawrence made that decision." " Whatever." "Okay, here he comes." "Reg, I'm Marty." " How are you doing?" " This is Art." " Hey, funny guy." " Very funny guy." "Listen." "We're putting together a circuit, sort of a club Def Comedy Jam and we're putting together some up-and-coming comics." " Up-and-coming." " And we think you're a perfect fit." "Perfect." "Perfect." " Yep." " You serious?" "No, I just pulled that out of my ass." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Hey, we think you could do this." "Tru Dogg said you were perfect for this." " That's my roommate, yeah." " It's not paying a lot, but it's exposure and you can work out your flaws." " There you go." "I have flaws?" "What he's trying to say is that we think you have this real quality of being real." "Yeah, and your ability to improv is incredible." "You know what I'm talking about?" "Listen." "Everybody, and I mean everybody, has to fine-tune their stuff." "You hear me?" "You can work on adding some stronger material." "Bigger jokes." "Bigger jokes." "This is what you gotta do:" "You gotta pay somebody to tweak up your act." "You know, just punch up the jokes." "I appreciate that, but I already have somebody I'm working with." "I'm cool, really." "Hey, look, call us at the office tomorrow and we'll give you the itinerary, huh?" " Funny guy." "Funny guy." " Very funny guy." "I appreciate it, thank you." " He's not very funny." " You're right." "He's not funny." " Do that shit in your house, man." " TD, what's up, man?" "Hey, what's up, Reg?" "They told me what was up, man." "Good looking out." "No doubt, that's what we do." "We got each other's back." "It's all right." " You're good." "I appreciate it." " I'm gonna get dressed." " I'll meet you up on top." " We gonna celebrate?" "Yeah, man." "Do your thing, baby." "That's you, blow up." " I'm trying." " I'm proud of you." " Yes, sir." " All right?" " We gonna throw some back, man." "My man." " All right." " Smile." " I'm good." "Hey, Reg." "Reg." "Reg." "Come on." "Hear we got something to celebrate." "What's up, Jay?" "What you celebrating?" "Come on." "We're going on tour together." " Are you going too?" " Yes, right." " When did you find out?" " Don't worry about that, man." " All right." " All right." "Get a little blast, man." "No, I'm cool." "I ain't had that shit since high school." "Come on, man." "One celebration bump, man." "Stop being a bitch." "All right, all right, all right." " Hold up." "How I do this shit, man?" " Sniff, nigga." "Sniff." "There you go." "God." "Damn, nigga." "Oh, nigga, you ain't got to cry." "Celebrate." "Hey, y'all ready for this?" "I am going on tour." "Winston's boy is going on tour." "I'm happy for you, man." "Thanks for that spot." "I appreciate that, brother." " Thank you, for real." " No problem, just looking out." "Thanks." "What's up with you, man?" "Why you give up your spot?" "Dede needed a favor." "She asked me to let Bo showcase for an agent or something." "What's the problem?" "We're supposed to look out for one another." "I know all that, man, but this is different." "I mean, you're gonna let him showcase?" "You should be showcasing, man." "Oh, I see, you're getting your head right." "That's what's wrong with you." "What the fuck is wrong with you, man?" "Why are you always in my business?" " Are you drunk or on something?" " On something?" "I ain't on nothing." "Then don't fuck this up." "This is the opportunity to show people what you can do." "Why you sweating me about this?" "You gave up your spot." "I didn't give up shit." "You know I can't leave this county." "You guys are in the middle of something so I just wanted to say thank you for the spot." "And we're gonna head on out." "Goodbye, Miss Super-Agent." " Are you talking to me?" " Reg, chill." "No, no, no." "Aren't you a talent agent, talent scout and stuff?" "Reggie, be easy, man." "Hey, TD, take this guy home, man." "Don't worry about him, he's all fucked-up anyway." " I'm fucked up?" "I'm fucked up." " Yeah." " TD, please take him home." " I got him, I got him." " All right." " Oh, I know what it is." "I know what it is." "Y'all jealous." "Oh, y'all are some haters." "Because I'm going on tour, and you losers are staying local." "Losers?" "Are you out of your fucking mind?" "You a big man because you're going on tour?" " Yeah." " What's that?" "The Universal Studios tour?" "Tour them lips around my nuts." " Oh, that'll be a short-ass tour." " Reg." " Watch your fucking mouth." " Get off me." "Get your hand off me." "You ain't my daddy." "No, I ain't your daddy." "That's who you are." "That's the problem." " I'm not my father." " Look at you." "I don't know your father, but it seems like he's still the one in control." "And you're using this to forget?" "When I first met you, you said you've been down this road before." ""Oh, yeah, I gave it up, cold turkey." Now you downing half a bottle of Jack a day." "Look, I'm not my father." "I got this." "I can control my liquor." "That's the way it starts, Reg." "You think you're in control but you're not." "Every time you need something to help make you better proves you got a problem." "What the fuck are you talking about, man?" "What are you preaching about now?" "Always preaching:" "Who the fuck are you?" "T.D. Jakes?" "You act like you're clean and you ain't done nothing." "Nigga, you was locked down." "Yeah, I said it." "Don't throw stones, man." "Don't you ever disrespect me like that again." "Now, I'm gonna forget that you said that because your ass is drunk." "Because, see, everybody around here knows how you can't go on-stage without taking a drink." "Everybody, huh?" "Well, yeah." "I go:" "I'm gonna drink to that." "And everybody?" "Everybody can kiss my ass." "That's right." "You can kiss my ass." "Kiss my ass." "Reg, come on down, man." "Reg, come down from there, man." "I'm going on tour." "You hear that, Daddy?" "You hear that all the way in Fresno?" "Winston's boy is going on tour." " Hey, there's someone on the roof." " Jump." "Jump, jump, jump." "Ain't nothing to play about." "Ain't nothing to play about, y'all." "He could have got hurt." "Please, Bo, fuck Reg." "His ass should have jumped, all right?" " Damn, Dede." " All right, I'm just kidding." "I don't want him to jump." "Always telling me I ain't shit." "Well, I am the shit." "I am the shit." "You know I got something for you." "Give me my meth, man, okay?" "Shit, you can't rush this." "Give me the snot." "They ask, "What's missing?"" "See you out there." " Hello?" " Hey, what's up, man?" " Hey, what's up, Reg?" " Hey, I just called to apologize, man." " Don't sweat that." " Yeah, I know, man." "Yo, let me tell you about the road, man." "Oh, my God." "Dude, ain't nothing like road pussy, man." "I'm getting pussy almost every night." "That's good to hear." "Don't let the liquid confidence control you." "I'm taking advice from a career criminal now?" "Yeah, whatever, nigga." "Tell me what you think about this." "Friday, we're in Fresno, right?" "And..." " You think I should invite my dad?" " Hell, yeah." "That'll be big of you to be the first to step up and make a move." "You think he'll come?" "If he knew about it, and you invited him and left him some tickets, he'd come." " You invite your friends?" " Oh, hell, yeah." "All my boys are coming to support me." "Man, I would love to be there but you know my situation." "Yeah, I know, man." "I know, man." "I won't be home for a couple of weeks." "We got Bakersfield coming up, then some little country town called Merced." "So I put the rent check in the mail." "It should be there in a couple of days." "That's it, man." "I gotta go, but..." "Tru, you ain't gotta worry about me, man." "All right?" "I'm clean." "You stay up out there, all right?" "All right, man." "Keep..." "Keep holding down the fort, all right?" "All right." "Peace." "I'll be right back." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Hey, I'm Reggie." "I'm on the show tonight." "I left some passes for a Winston Sinclaire." " Do you know if he picked them up?" " Let me look, okay?" " He has already picked them up early." " He did?" " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Next." " Thank you." " Reggie Sinclaire." " Hi." " What's up, man?" "How are you doing?" "How you doing?" "Let's take it..." "Hey, girl." "You look good." " You look good." "What's going on?" " I'm good." " Hey." " Skinny." " Skinny?" " Yeah." "Life on the road." "I can't get a home-cooked meal like I want." " Eat some cheeseburgers." " Look like you had too many cheeseburgers." " Oh, that's messed up." "Excuse you." " Oh, my God." "Excited to see you perform, man." " Thanks, man." " My pleasure." "Appreciate it, man." "Hey, anybody seen my dad?" "No." "I think I saw your aunt, so he's probably here." " Oh, she's in there?" " We're here." "Friends." " I know, I know." "I know." "Come on, now." " Moral support." " You gonna kill it." " Thank you." "I gotta get backstage." " That's why we're here, baby." " I'll see you later tonight?" " Definitely, man." " Break a leg." " Good luck." " Yo, are we on the list?" "Ladies and gentlemen let's hear it for Greg Rant." " It's crazy." " I understand this dude just joined the tour." "I'm familiar with that joke thief." " Let's hope the man is funny." " Depends on whose material he's doing." " Do this or not." "It's nice to be in Fresno, though." "But the crime is getting bad up here." "Y'all didn't tell me that." "People ain't even asking, "What's happening?" no more." " They're asking, "What's missing?" - "What's missing?"" "Where's my wallet at?" "I don't know where my wallet at." "And it is safe to go through Fresno at night." " Lf you a bullet." " Bullet." "I guess he done heard my act before." "Everybody's seen me." "He's doing my act." "He's doing my act." "Right in front of me, if I ain't here." "Listen, people out there didn't pay to hear it again." " You better go Material B." " B?" "Can't you do something?" "Can't you flick the light?" "Cut his mike down?" " Cut his mike down." " Come on, you need to go Plan B." "My mother, man, she used to tell everybody we was smart." "That's the problem." "Y'all don't tell your kids they smart enough." "People used to be like, "Why do you think your kids so smart?"" ""Because when they was little, I used to beat them with books."" "Encyclopedias, magazines, dictionaries." "Thank y'all so much." "I'm Greg Rant." "See y'all later." "Get my DVDs, y'all." "Love you, Fresno." "I love you." "What did I tell y'all?" "Greg Rant, rips all around the country..." "Get the fuck off..." " What the fuck is your problem?" " Get off me, man." "What is your problem?" "Mess with me while I'm on-stage, now you sneak me?" " You thief." " I don't even know you, bitch." "Yeah, but you knew my act." "You're doing everybody's jokes, man." "You don't know what act you doing." "Did my whole act." "Don't know what you're talking about." "Everything is fair game." "Everybody steal." "I've seen your act." "It ain't that damn good." " I only steal funny stuff." " Wait a minute." "What the fuck is going on here?" "I will not have any fighting on my tour." "You understand?" "Get your shit together." "Reggie, you're next." "Don't be here when I get back." "I'm gonna be here with one of your jokes." "How about that?" "You don't want none of this, boy." "Let's give it up for Reggie Sinclaire." "Reggie." "Reggie." "What's up, Fresno?" "What's up, Fresno?" "Hey, look." "The first motherfucker to say something to me I'll smash in their face." "Yeah, that's right, that's right." "Hey, bitch." "What you looking at?" "You look like you got a good job." "You wipe down the pole for the next girl." "I guess that's professi-"ho" courtesy." "Girl, whatever." "Professi-"ho."" "Hey, no titties." "Where your titties go?" "You ain't getting no tips." "Guys, they don't tip you a dollar, they ask for a change for a dollar." "Oh, shit." "Hey, make sure y'all..." "Y'all tip your wait staff." "They're tired of being in prostitution." "You know, it's hard out there for a ho." "Because they're so slow with the drinks." "They slow with the drinks." "I been waiting two hours for a drink." "I ain't gonna wait no more." "You order another one because I'm taking yours." "It's good shit, nigga." "Check, please." "That boy..." "You be in the Navy, huh, boy?" "Yeah, I know." "What rank were you again?" "Rear admiral." "I guess..." "Know what?" "I guess the Navy is the best place to go get some seamen." "You're not funny." "You're not funny, buddy." "Not funny." " Who said that?" " Right here, buddy." "Oh, you're a motherfucking white boy." "Motherfuck..." "You're through." "You're through, mister." "You will not work another day of this tour." "Sandra." "Hey, Sandra." "Get me Marty on the phone." "You know, Reggie, you could have started a full-scale riot out there." "Besides, everybody knows that you are a drunk and a junkie." " He is not a junkie." " Yes, he is!" " He is not." " Yes, he is." "We all know about his little goddamn habit." "You're finished." "You did good, baby." "Yeah, no, we think we can probably fast-track this." "I just have to make some calls." "Yeah, you know what, though?" "No, let us call you." "Yeah, I gotta make some calls." "All right." "Yeah, okay." "Bye." "Susan, no more bullshit scripts anymore, okay?" "This is ridiculous, it's garbage." " Dede Calvin." " Yes." " Looking as beautiful as ever." " Thank you." " How are you doing?" " I'm good." "You?" "Fantastic." "Let's get this out of the way." "I want you to have your lawyers look that over." "And in the meantime be here tomorrow, 3:00." "You're reading for Finlayson." "Oh, wow, are you kidding?" " I never kid about money." " Well..." "Wow, I mean..." "You know, Mr. Jacobs, this is all going so fast." "This is..." "Hold that, hold that." "Hey, what did you shoot?" "You're kidding me." "Who did you play with?" "Yeah, well, I wanna see that scorecard." "Okay, I'll see you Saturday." "Yes, bright and early." "Bring your A game." "Bye." "He's such a liar." "Okay, what were you saying?" "Well, I just don't wanna appear to be ungrateful but I just wanted to know if this role required nudity, because I..." "No, no." "All the roles that you'll be reading for will be classy ones, okay?" "Nothing degrading." "Okay." "All right." " I'm sorry, I had to ask." " No, it's smart." "I like that." " Smart clients." "I could use more of them." " Thank you so much, Mr. Jacobs." "This is..." "Please." "Please, it's Scott to you." "Okay?" " Oh, then it's Dede to you." " Okay." "Oh, by the way remember the guy you met the other day that you said had leading-man quality?" " Oh, yeah..." " Bo." " Bo, right." " Bo Clark." "He needs representation also." "Well, when does he go up next?" "I'm glad you asked because, fortunately, I was able to get him a spot tonight." " Between 12 and 1." " Why not?" "I'll check out his act." "Maybe you'd like to go with me." " I could meet you there around 10." " Nonsense, I can pick you up at 9." "Okay." "Thank you." "Thank you so much, Mr. Jacobs." "Scott." "Scott." " Bye." " Okay." "So how'd it go?" "What do you mean, "How'd it go?"" "Unless you wanna know that I signed with ICC and I'm reading for Finlayson D. Zero tomorrow." " You know, I'm really happy for you." " Thank you." "But there is more." "Now, remember I told you that he asked who you were the other night and he had missed your act?" "Yeah." "Thank TD for his spot because he's coming to see you tonight." " Who?" " Scott Jacobs." " No shit." " Yes, shit." " Are you serious?" " Yes, I'm serious." "He said he wanted to see you perform because he's helping Finlayson with the casting of this movie." "You want some pizza?" "Because I'm buying." "I would love some pizza but I gotta get back to the bank." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "You're so silly." "Forgot about your wife?" "Yeah..." "I mean, no." "Come on, Marty, give me another chance, please." "Hell, no." "How many times am I gonna let you burn me?" "You have been late three of the last four shows." "You are not the headliner, all right?" "Everybody's on to your little trick:" "Show up late so you can go on last." "And now you wanna pick a fistfight with the audience?" "You can pack your shit right now." "There's a bus ticket waiting in the lobby." "The cat stole my act!" "I ain't got nothing to do with that." "That's the comedy business." "You should know that by now." "We offered you help in the beginning with your material, but you blew us off." "Your shit wasn't funny to begin with." "I'm the best you got on this bootleg tour." "Fuck this." "It doesn't matter anymore." "It's basically our fault that we went with your sorry ass." "It's bullshit, man." "Then pay me my money." "Pay me my money then." "What money?" "The money that's gonna pay for the damages to the club?" "Is that the money you're talking about?" "What the fuck you mean?" "Fuck you, Marty." "Fuck you, man." "Fuck you." "Fuck you." "Hey, hey, hey." " Where are you going in such a hurry?" " Oh, I have a sort of an interview." " For another job?" " Yeah, well..." "No." "No, Mr. Carter, not another job, an acting job." "Maybe it's me, but why am I allowing you to look for other work when there are people out there who would love to have your job?" "Someone who wants a future at the bank." "Look, Mr. Carter, you don't understand." "This..." "This is a terrific part, I mean." "Besides, when I took this job, you knew I had aspirations of being an actress." "Just like everybody else in this town." "Hell, even some other people at this bank." "This part really would give me an opportunity to get to where I wanna go." "Please." "Please?" "You know, let me just do some of the lines." " That's okay." "I'll take your word for it." " No, no, Mr. Carter." "You are going to listen." "Now, how dare you, sir?" "Harassing me and making advances in a place of business?" "Will I kiss you?" "Indeed not." "All right, all right." "Get out of here." "She's just rehearsing a role for a movie." "Right, Dede?" "Right, Mr. Carter." "Girl, I told you to break up with Ty." "I know." "I was..." "I was rolling." "Wait, let me..." "I'm gonna call you back, all right?" "All right, bye." "Baby." "Federal Express called again today." "And they say they have night positions available." " This man wants you to call him before..." " Cheryl, Cheryl." "I don't wanna work for FedEx." "Okay?" "But you could stop working three jobs and just have one." "Oh, I forgot." "You wanna be a movie star." "Yes, exactly." "Exactly." " Yeah." " Oh, really?" "You need to wake the hell up, okay?" "Because you got a child and a wife." "And whenever I suggest a job, it's always something." "I am sick and tired of having this conversation with you day in and day out." "You're always asking somebody, "Can somebody support me?"" "You can't support nobody up in here." "You're months behind on the rent." "The car is on its last leg." " Oh, yeah?" " Yeah." "Guess what." "Well, my big break is going down tonight." "Why?" "Because Scott Jacobs, ICC, coming to see me at The Last Stand tonight." "I don't give a damn about no MCI." "I don't give a damn." "FedEx is a good job." "It pays a lot more than that pizza joint and the restaurant where you wash dishes." "And it's stable work." "Stable, Bo, stable." " So just call them." "Just..." " No, I'm not calling them." " Then I'm gonna call them for you." " Cheryl, Cheryl." "Get..." "You better..." "Cheryl." " Cheryl." " Hello, is Mr. Samanski in?" "Yes, hi." "This is Cheryl Clark, Bo's wife." "You've been looking for my husband?" "Right." "Well, he's right here." "Hold on, okay?" "Hold on." "Take it." "Take it." "He wants to talk to you." "Hey." "How you doing, Mr. Samanski?" "How you doing?" "I'm good, I'm good." "I wanted to thank you for considering me for that job but I already got one." "Okay." "You too." "Bye." "What's wrong with you?" "What is wrong with you?" "I wish that you would..." "I hate you." "All right, Scott, you got that camera, baby?" " Yeah." " Okay." " Miss Calvin, you know the scene, right?" " Yes." "Take it from the top." "And action." "Nurse Watson, did you shave Mr. Johnson?" "Yes, doctor, and he asked me for a date when I was finished." " You have such a crappy job." " Yeah." "Now, I didn't forget about us for tonight." "Okay." "Oh, cut." "Damn it." "Damn it." " So, what did you think, Wesley?" " Best one we've seen so far." "Goodness gracious." "That was fabulous." "So, what are you guys saying?" "You got the part." "I got the part!" "This is awesome." "Hello, this is Winston Sinclaire." "I'm not at home at the moment." "Leave your name and number, I'll call you back." "Hello, hello, TD." "Your roommate's back." "Oh, hey, what's up, Reg?" "What you doing back?" "You ain't supposed to be back till next week." "Yeah, I know, man." "Well, you know, something came up, man." "What's up with them glasses, man?" "Oh, yeah." "Oh, oh, snap." " Oh, you got a honey here?" " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Hey, Reg, do me a favor, man." "Come back in about an hour, that shorty's in there." "I don't wanna make her nervous." "I got that, man." "About time you got some pussy up in here." " Come on." " My bad, my bad." " Make sure you wash my sheets." " Yeah." "No doubt, no doubt." "I was gonna put my bags in there, but I'm gonna drop them." " Oh, no, no, no." "I got them." "I got them." " Okay." "How long does it take for a lady to get a glass of wine up in here?" " Hey, Reg, it's not what you think." " And who are you?" "Shut the fuck up." "Reg, I can explain." " You're not gonna talk to me like that." " I'm going." "No, no." "Hold on, Reg, hold on." "You fuck me and you think you could talk that way?" " Shut up and get your shit." " I'm gonna get my shit." " This all makes sense now." " I ain't leaving till I get my glass of wine." "Come on, man." "Now I understand why you bash so many gays in your act." " You're a faggot yourself, man." " Ain't no faggots up in here." " Hey, man, don't touch me..." " Reg, come on, Reg." "Come on, man, let me explain to you." "Get your hands off me." "Get your hands off me, TD." "Reg, let me explain." "Reg, let me explain, man." "Explain nothing, man." "Forget about washing my sheets." " Burn that motherfucking mattress, man." " Reg, let me explain." "Let me explain." "See, shit is fucked up, man." "You know shit is fucked up when you argue with a faggot because he was staring at you." "I was like, "Yo, motherfucker, stop looking at me." "I'm gonna fuck you up." He was like, "For real?" "I'm saying, stop playing." "You promise?"" "Are you having a good time?" "All right, good deal." "We got a lot of interracial couples here tonight." "That's good, that's good." "My last girlfriend was black." "I loved her." "We got along great." "But we had a big argument." "She accused me of being racist." "I said, "Nigga, please."" "I'm sor..." "All right, here we go." "We're gonna keep the show rolling along." "Bring you an up-and-coming star." "Put your hands together for Mr. Bo Clark, ladies and gentlemen." "How's everybody doing tonight?" "Say, I'm married with a child, right?" "My son likes to sleep in the bed with me and my wife." "Do you need another drink?" "No, Scott, I haven't finished this one." "Are you watching the show?" "You know something, Dede?" "Fuck the show." "What do you mean, "Fuck the show"?" "That's why you're here." "I can get him something small in the movie." "No big deal." " But..." " But what, Scott?" "I have a little confession." "I really dig black chicks." "Well I'm flattered." "But can we talk about this later and you watch the show now?" " Please?" " Later?" "The show." "So I'm trying to run away from my little son in the mall the other day." "This little boy, 2 years old." "This tall." "Don't you know, his little ass met me at the car." "At the car." "I said, "Damn." "Should not have bought him the Air Force 3s."" "What do they got now?" "Seventy-sevens?" "I don't know." "That's my time, y'all." "Have a good night." "Goddamn." "Yeah, I knew your ass would be back here tonight." "You think you can just roll out of here without trying to holler at me?" "That shit ain't free, man." "You already into me for 2 grand." "And I want my motherfucking money tonight." "You feel me?" "Come on, Jay." "I'll get you your money when I get you your motherfucking money." "Okay." "It's like that, right?" "Just like that, nigga." "Bitch, you get the fuck up." "Now, look here, motherfucker." "I want my money tonight." "Do you hear me?" "You hear me, bitch?" "I don't give a fuck whose dick you gotta suck." "You get..." "Oh, you laughing, huh?" "You think this shit's funny?" "You think this shit funny?" "You think this shit funny, motherfucker?" "I want my money, you feel me?" "I don't give a fuck what you got to do." "Hear that?" "Fucking with you, nigga, you make this a motherfucking..." "Do you hear?" "I want my motherfucking..." "Get the fuck off me." "Get the fuck off me." "Get the fuck off me." "Anytime I see you, motherfucker, I will whoop your motherfucking ass." "Get the fuck off me." "You're getting a fucking ego." "You get a couple of laughs now..." ""Motherfucker" what?" "Who's the motherfuck...?" "You." "Don't call me no motherfucker, bitch." "I'll kill you in here." "I'll fucking end it all right now." "Call me no motherfucker." "You're being stupid." "Showtime, you don't know your shit." " Everybody know their shit..." " Told you you were gonna love him." "It was a great show." "Really was." "Liked the stuff with the family..." " Right, I was..." " What you looking at him for?" "I know who he is." "He ain't gonna sign you if he ain't gonna sign me." "What's with the puppet?" "I don't like puppets." "Puppets and midgets." " You're silly." " No, I'm serious." "Hey, everybody." "Buddy, can I get a spot?" " Reg, I'm booked up." " Come on, man." " I came straight down." " I'm all filled up." "Oh, come on, man." "I got your ass." "Call me..." "Call me something else." " I want a little time." " Look at you, you're messed up." " Are you drunk?" " No." "I only had one drink." "I'll cut your nose right off." "Forget that list." "I'm funnier than anybody you've got in this place." "Everybody here watching us, they know we getting ready to perform." "Being stupid..." "Motherfucker, say something else." "Say something the fuck else." "Get your hands off..." "Get your hands..." "You wanna fight?" "Five a.m. Tomorrow you are to report on set." " Put you in a little trailer." " Mr. Jacobs, thank you." " You're welcome." " Look, I won't let you down." " I know you won't." " Dede, you need a ride home?" "No, I rode with Scott." "I'll let him take me home." "Okay." " Don't bullshit me, Buddy." " All right." "I'll put you on after F-Stop." "Do five minutes and keep it tight." "Cool." "He can't follow me anyway." "Get your hands off me." "Get your fucking hands off me." "Stop." "Stop it." "Stop." "F-Stop, you're on next." "I'm bringing you up now." "Right now?" " Thanks a lot." " Good luck." "Get some sleep, okay?" "Come here, G. I'll fix you up." "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pulled out my knife again." "I did it once, I ain't need to do it twice." "Showtime." "There's agents out there." "Let's get one." "Hey, G, so I heard that you're really good friends with Woody Harrelson." "Oh, okay, I can admit that that's not funny." "Would you forgive me?" "Enough with wood jokes." "They're not funny." "Oh, now, come on." "Now, come on, you guys." "Would I say a joke that's not funny?" "What if I told everybody that you've got a dick the size of a wood tick?" "Stop it." "Stop it." "That's enough." "That's enough." "Ladies..." "Ladies and gentlemen, he's got a wood-tick dick." "I've seen bigger dicks on a gnat." "You embarrass me all the time." "Fucking stick to the script." "You follow the script." "You never follow the script." "Ever." "You always wanna be bigger." "It's not just you." "It's not just you." "I don't have a dick like that." "I don't." "Stop it." "You've been in the shower with me." "You know it's not true." "It's not true." "It's not fucking true." "You do it, you do it all the time." "You fucking make it personal." "You make it fucking about you." "You do." "You don't make it personal." "I don't care." "Fucking doll." "Get away from me." "I'll blow his brains out." "I'll fucking shoot him." " I swear to God, I'll shoot him." " Stop, F-Stop." "Stop, stop." " I'll shoot him in the head." " I know, I know." " He embarrasses me." " I know." "I know, man." " All the time." " Come on, F-Stop, take it easy." "I'm sorry, I don't wanna mess up..." "I just wanna make a good show." " He makes me look dumb." " It's cruel, it's cruel." " I just wanna do it right." " Fuck him." "Goddamn." "Give it up for the last two dummies." "How y'all doing?" "Y'all okay?" "Okay." "All right." "All right." "We got some white boys in the house, huh?" "How long you two been, you know, flipping fry, you know." "About as long as you've been out of rehab." "Funny." "Not funny." "I see we got a comedian amongst us." "Well, at least one of us is." "Turn the light on." "Get him out of there, Buddy." "Hell, the light's been on." "I'm gonna turn the mike off." "Let's get out of here." "Cheers." " Yo, man, fuck..." " You suck." "Oh, shit." "Oh, Scott." "I'll be right back, all right?" "He sucked." " Oh, I gotta piss." " Okay." " Hey." "Hey." " What?" "He sucked." "No, no, no." "I got this, Dede." " Peckerwood." " For fuck's sake." "What's the problem?" "Hey, I do that for a living, man." "Come on." "We're just having some fun." "Come on, don't do this." "It's not won'th it, Reg." "This guy's had more to drink than we have." "I got news for you, pal." " Hey, get off me." " Back up." " Getting heckled comes with the territory." " Who's talking to you?" "Keep the day job, huh?" " What did you say?" " Bo." "I said, what did you say?" "I said, keep the day job or become a rapper or something, huh?" " We don't speak the same language." "That was the problem, communication with me and the African chick." "But African chicks are different than African-American chicks, man." "That shit is wild, you know." "Because look, you try to leave an African-American chick she pull out a motherfucking straight razor or gun on your ass, right?" "You try to leave an African chick she pulls out a motherfucking blowdart." "Where do you go?" "Where do you go?" "Me?" "I'm leaving your ass, bi..." "What the hell was that all about?" "I don't wanna talk about it." "Just get in." "Some friends." "Hey, look, before we head out, I wanna talk to you." "Scott, you didn't see any of Bo's show." "Well, what can I say?" "I was slightly distracted." "So a girl can't dress nice without you becoming a pervert?" " Pervert?" " Yeah." "Oh, that hurts." "Look I'm not interested, okay?" "And I just want our relationship to be purely professional." "Oh, I see." "Well, Dede, let me explain something to you about the business." "You see, here in Hollywood a young actress' career can really skyrocket or it can shit the bed." "Sometimes it all depends on how you treat the people who do you favors." "Meaning?" "Meaning you don't wanna burn any bridges, you know?" " Now, your friend Bud needed a..." " Bo." "Right, Bo." "He needed a part in a movie." "Who got him that part?" " You did." " I did." "Who got you your part, for that matter?" "You did." "Right." " Yeah, I think I see where this is going." " Good." "Good." "You want me to do you a favor." "Bingo." "Okay, I get it." "What exactly did you have in mind?" "Well, let's see." "It's not gonna suck itself." "I'm the comedian." "You're the agent, remember?" "Stay in your place, sweetie." "I'm serious, Dede." "It's not gonna suck itself." "Just don't get any on the seats, okay?" "They're leather." "Have you lost your mind?" " Oh, come on, Dede." " Wow, Scott." "Get back in the car." "You know what?" "I'm just gonna assume that you had too much to drink and forget about this whole night, all right?" "I'm gonna get my own ride home." "Dede." "Dede." "Fucking prude." "Freeze!" " Hold it!" " Cut." " Freeze." "Police." " Cut." "Cut." "Mr. Clark, it's your wife again." "Another phone call?" "That's your third call." "What is the problem?" "It will just be a second, it's..." "I'm sorry." " Come over here." " What do you want now?" "I don't have time to talk right now, okay?" "I'm in the middle of shooting." "Well, did you find my phone?" "Cheryl, this is my first acting gig, okay?" "You're making it really hard to concentrate." "I gotta go." "I gotta go." "Bye." " Are we ready, Mr. Clark?" " Yes." "Oh, that's fabulous." "Let's do this again, okay?" "And action." " Freeze, police!" " Cut." "Cut!" "Cut!" "Cut!" "What the fuck is your problem?" "Do you know your lines?" "Hey, everybody, let's take five so Mr. Clark can learn his four lines, okay?" "No more favors for Jacobs, okay?" "Sending this fucking stiff." "Scott, go home." "I'm trying to lie down." "Come on, open the door." "I just came back to apologize for the other night, okay?" "I feel really bad about what happened." "You got five minutes." "You look nice." "This is a nice place." "What do you want, Scott?" "Well..." "First of all, I wanna..." "I wanna apologize for my behavior." "Unacceptable." "And far more importantly..." "Look, I don't normally get involved with my clients." "But, Dede, there's something about you." "I find you so sexy..." "Scott, wait." "We've been through this." "Don't interrupt, okay?" "When you interrupt, I feel you're belittling me." "I don't like that." " I wanna have a business relationship." " This is part of a business relationship." "Just a second." " Hello?" " Hello, this is Cheryl Clark." " Okay." " I got your number off my husband's phone." " Who did you say this was again?" " Cheryl Clark." "As in Bo Clark's wife." "Same last name, bitch." "Wow, name-calling at your age." "Bo did say you were a little immature." "Bo is married with a child." "I know that, which is why he's just a friend, sweetie." "And you know what?" "I'd prefer you didn't call my phone anymore." "Stay the hell away from my husband!" "Okay, Scott, listen." "Scott, stop it." " What?" "What is wrong with you?" " What is wrong with you?" "Okay, cut." "Mr. Clark, you have an emergency phone call." "Something about your son." "It's the last call." "I promise." "Mr. Finlayson, this is the last call." " Hey, take your time, man." " Hello?" "Cheryl, you called me for that?" "Dede is just a friend, okay?" "She's the one that got me this gig." "I say eighty-six him." "This is getting old." "Okay, thank you." "What are you talking about?" "I got the assistant director waiting for me." "I really gotta go, bye." "I'm sorry." "That's gonna be the last time, I promise." " Okay, you're done." " Oh, I am?" "Call your agent in the morning, get your paycheck." "Okay, but we aren't done with the scene yet." "Mr. Clark, you're no longer needed for the picture." "You're fired." "Security will escort you off the set." "Mr. Finlayson?" "Please, I can..." "I can do a better job." "Thanks." "Let me ask you something." "Do you know how quickly I can have you removed from this picture?" " Do you?" " I don't care." " Oh, you don't care?" " I don't." "Get your hands off me." " I just wanna make love to you." " Oh, Scott." "Where are you going?" "Opportunity, Dede." "Do you have any idea how many women in this town would like to fuck Scott Jacobs?" "Oh, baby, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "No, no, no." "It's okay." "Don't!" "Stay away." "Okay, I deserved that." " Stay away from me." " Goddamn, the girl's got a left." "See what you made me do?" "Get the fuck up." "Come on." "Get up." "You wanna play like this, huh?" " Don't do this to me." " It's gonna be..." " Shut the fuck up." " No, stop, please!" "Please." "What the fuck?" "Okay, cool." "Be cool, be cool." " Get the fuck away from me." " No baby, it's okay, it's okay." " Get away from me!" " It's cool." "I will cut this motherfucker off." "Get the fuck out of my house." "Now, Scott!" "Welcome to my world." "Welcome to Reggie's world." "Reggie's world." "Oh, shit." "There you go." "Psych." "My roommate." "Let me tell you something about this shit right here." "If you ask my roommate if he wants some blow he don't know if you talking about some cocaine or his ding-a-ling." "Cheryl!" "Cheryl, get out here!" " What is wrong with you...?" " I got fired." " I heard." " Oh, you heard." "How did you hear?" "The last time I called, they said you were let go." "Baby, I'm sorry." "I know you wanna act and everything..." "You're the reason I got fired, Cheryl!" "Don't blame this on me, Bo Clark." "Why did you call eight times?" "You shouldn't have given me the number." "Besides, I didn't call you no eight times." "You're fucking lying." "Bo, do not try to blame me for your inability to perform." "Well, I couldn't concentrate." " Oh, here we go." " You know what?" " You don't want me to succeed." " Oh, right." "You want me to fail." "See, because if I succeed then your ass won't have nothing to complain about all the time." "God, it's like you just live off of negativity and drama." " You're sucking the life out of me." " Right." "God, I'm so tired of you, Cheryl." "I don't even have the energy to deal with you." "Stop crying like a bitch." "Why don't you take the job at FedEx like I told you in the first place?" "Because I don't wanna work for FedEx." "Cheryl, I'm not a package handler." "I'm an actor." "And I got talent." "And you just basically just killed my career." "Okay, now I think you're overreacting." "Oh, I'm overreacting." "When you called for the eighth time you said there was something wrong with Ahmad to get me to the phone." "Why?" "There is nothing wrong with Ahmad." " Mom, stay out of this." " Wait." "This is my house." "This is my house." "Okay, fine." "You wanna know what's wrong with Ahmad?" "I'll tell you what's wrong with Ahmad." "Ahmad needs a daddy with some common sense." "He needs a father that's not out there trying to chase some childhood dream." "What he needs..." "What he needs is a father that is not dumb enough to leave his phone out so that his wife can see his messages and call his mistress." " So you found my phone." " That's what's wrong with Ahmad." "Why would you lie about Ahmad?" "That's not right." " You had my phone the whole time." " Yeah." "And you're not any good at cheating either." "Bo, sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your family." " Sacrifices?" " Yeah, sacrifices." "I've been sacrificing for you since I was 15." "Okay?" "But no, that doesn't mean anything to you." "No, no, no, see, I had your baby." " That is a sacrifice." "That is a sacrifice." " Fuck this." "Fuck this." "Cheryl, I am sick and tired of you living this lie and using that little boy as a pawn." "Come on, Dede." "Pick up the phone." "I just had a little too much to drink." "Come on, pick up the phone, please." "Dede, it's Scott again." "Pick up the phone, will you?" "We need to talk." "You're fucking pissing me off, Dede." "Pick up the phone." "Pick up the fucking phone or you're done." "You understand me?" "You're done." "Fuck." "That little boy in there needs a responsible father." " You know what I'm talking about." " Don't start, okay?" "You are holding that man back because you're afraid of losing him." "But you're holding him the wrong way." "A baby don't keep no man." "You are so afraid that Bo will find out that Ahmad is not his." " Lower your voice." " It's driving you crazy." " Lower your voice." " Secrets and lies." "Secrets and lies." "No." "Momma." "Momma, I'm asking you, okay?" "You never lie to me." "Is Ahmad my son?" "Of course." "Of course he's your son." "Am I his biological father?" "Ahmad is not your biological son." "But you are his father." "You are his father." "You are his father." "Cheryl." "Talk to me." " Please." " What do you want me to say?" "You go off chasing these pipe dreams." "You are his father." "What was I supposed to do until 4:00 in the morning while you at the comedy clubs?" " You are." "This ain't on me." "This is on you." " Lf you'd handled your responsibilities like..." " Cheryl." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "Dede, it's Scott." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I've had time to cool out a little bit." "Hey, let's get lunch tomorrow." "All right, all right." "Call me at the office." "Dede." "Dede, look, I need to talk to you right now, okay?" "I really need to talk to you." "I think I'm gonna kill her." "Dede." "I really need you right now, okay?" "Hey, you." "I'll be here all week." "Try the veal." "Reg." " Reg." " Tip your wait staff." "Reg." "Come on down, man." "I need to talk to you." "That's my roommate." "Didn't hear what I just said." "He didn't hear." "What up, nigga?" "Come on down, man." "I need to talk to you." "Need to talk to me?" "For what?" "What?" "What can you possibly tell me I don't already know?" "Just come down, man." "All right, I'll come down to your level." "No, I ain't gonna come to your level." "Your level would be like this." " Reg." " Hey, keep your distance." "Keep your distance, man." "What?" "Talk." "Talk." "Look, man." "I don't know why I am the way I am." "You know how it feels to be ostracized by your family because of your sexual preferences?" "That's why I ain't say nothing to you." "That's why you ain't say nothing?" ""I'm ostracized by my family."" "What are you doing here, man?" "Why you even come down here?" "Don't you have a dick to suck, nigga?" "Why did you do that?" "You don't listen, man." "You don't listen." " I gotta talk to you, Reg." " All right." "All right." " You just..." " Nigga, fuck you." "This shit ain't got nothing to do with you." "You understand that?" "It ain't got nothing to do with you." "All right." "I'm trying to help you, man." "You got a chance, man." " I fucked up already." " I'm gonna jump." " I'm gonna jump." " Bo, what you doing?" " I'm gonna jump." " Bo, come down off the ledge, man." "No, no, no, Bo." "See, you not gonna jump." "What are you talking about, man?" "Come down off of there." "Come off the ledge, Bo." "What's wrong with that nigga?" "Yo, get away from me, man." "Bo, pick up the phone." "Bo, talk to me." " What are you gonna jump for, man?" " You hear me, Bo?" "Let's talk." "You gonna jump and mess up that little Bill Cosby sweater you got on?" "Look, I'm gonna get help." "Watch him." "Watch him." "It's like..." " What?" " It's like I wanted to kill her, man." "And I..." "Who?" "Who's fucking with you, man?" "What about your son?" " You got a little shorty..." " Look, shut up!" "Just shut the fuck up!" "You ain't helping!" "Man, don't." "Come on." "Come on down." "Come on down, man." "Look, see?" "Hey, shit is silly, huh?" "I got a fucking drunk trying to talk me off a building." "Yeah." "Oh, me?" "Oh, I'm the drunk." "You're right." "You saw my bottle." "I'm the drunk." "That's right, I'm a drunk." "Come on down, man." "Come on down and have a drink with the drunk." "Have a drink with the drunk." "Have a drink with a drunk." "Have a drink with a drunk." "All right." "Hold on." "Let's pour some out for the homeys." "Not too much." "That's good shit right there." "You don't wanna waste good shit." "Yo, you hear?" "You hear them down there?" "Oh, that's some bull..." "Now, that's comedy." "That's comedy." "Dude, that's a joke, man." " That's a joke, dude." " They're playing Kris Kross, man." "That's..." "That's unbelievable." "Be quiet." "I'm gonna record this, say this joke." "Yeah." "Motherfucker, you don't wanna be on a ledge ready to commit suicide and somebody down there playing Kris Kross, "Jump, Jump."" "That's funny, man." "That's funny, dude." "Hey, police are here." "Where's Bo?" "Bo's cool, man." "He's just tripping, man." " I said, where is he?" " Tell him, Bo." "Tell him, Bo." "Bo." "Bo!" "Bo!" "Bo." "Why did you do this?" " Why did you do this?" " Get the hell away from my husband!" "Oh, see, it's on now." " Get off of me." " Don't let me catch you on the street." "Don't let me catch you on the street." "Let's go, right here." "That's my husband." "My husband!" "So what else have you done?" "Yeah." "I know what you mean." "I'll talk to you later." "Ripped from the subpack." "by blackDomina"