"Greetings, my friend." "We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives." "And remember my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future." "You are interested in the unknown, the mysterious, the unexplainable." "That is why you are here." "And now for the first time, we are bringing to you the full story of what happened on that fateful day." "We are giving you all the evidence based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal." "The incidents, the places, my friend, we cannot keep as a secret any longer." "Let us punish the guilty." "Let us reward the innocent." "My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts about..." "Only moments ago, after five long weeks of searching," "Capri Johnson was discovered just a few feet from here on this deserted road, just outside of Reno, Nevada." "Thanks to an anonymous tip," "Channel 11 was first on the scene." "I must warn you the footage you are about to see is extremely disturbing." "Sensitive viewers may not want to watch." "Cameron, what are you doing?" "I'm just trying to find a condom, babe." "Get back into bed." "Oh, I'll be there." "Come on." "Get ready for the Cameron Townes Show, baby." "Hoo-hoowa." "Mm-mm." "Oh, shit, I gotta go." "Wh-what?" "Where are you going?" "I'm gonna take my grandma to the Star Trek convention." "What the fuck, are you fucking recording me?" "No, never." "Are you fucking serious?" "Shit!" "Give me that camera back." "A bold remark, Miss Stewart." "Hello, my name is Cameron Townes." "And I'm working on a documentary about the greatest 21st birthday trip to Las Vegas in the history of 21st birthday..." "Yo, brown bag special, shut it, man." "You're ruining your intro to your birthday video." "No shit, I brought him so you could have this to remember." "No shit, this is Graham, he's the birthday boy." "But I love this man." "Not... there's not many people out there that'll go out..." "How is he related to this guy... and do a full brown out in fucking Vegas!" "Brown is the way to the woman's heart." "It is, I agree, I've done the brown out before." "My shoes are brown, as well." "They're made outta hemp." "Because..." "...or a rapist." "One, you need to stop dressing like a boy scout and two, you need to stop saying things like, you know, it's not..." "But, this is actually..." "How those are bong rips treating you up there?" "Not, good there, Cameron." "Maybe that's because it's like, eight in the morning or something." "You know what, smoking weed at eight in the morning is actually the greatest thing ever invented." "Who, someone invented smoking weed at eight in the morning?" "I think it might have been Freud." "Freud, Sigmund Freud." "Sigmund Freud, you mean Siegfried?" "No, not..." "Siegfried and Roy..." "Not the tiger, no, I'm talking about..." "That's what we're going to see, dude." "You guys are fucking stupid." " Did you get tickets for Siegfried and Roy?" " Yes." "You got that in common, at least." "I think I smoked too much." "What?" "Oh, shit." "I'm gonna fucking puke." "I'm not even on the road yet, dude." "Don't puke in my car, dude." "What a fucking pussy." "I'm serious, don't puke in my car." "He's gonna blow, he's gonna blow." "Do what you want... puke." "Close." "Puke." "Don't puke." "I'm actually gonna puke." "I know... puke." "I wanna see it." "Oh, shit!" "What the fuck did you eat?" "Something pink." "So," "Anyway," "As I was saying, I don't think I even need to give an intro to the trip anything more after our buddy, Graham here just set it up for us." "Let's go pick up Tommy Kay." "Ho, ho, ho, hee." "That was good." "Cameron, you didn't say he fucking worked here." "What the fuck?" "What's going on?" "How are you all doing?" "What's up with the camera?" "Can you take five?" "Tommy Kay, baby, the opposite of gay." "Get it straight." "Hey, can you take five?" "What?" "Can you take five?" "We need to talk." "We gotta talk right now." "About what, how?" "You guys are not going to get me fired from my job?" "This shirt come with this job or did you have to buy it yourself?" "Tommy, Tommy, can you hear me?" "Tommy Kay has no idea we're about to yank his ass out of this job and take him to Vegas." "He says no..." "You guys are gonna get me fired, bro." "Hop on, hop on." "Who's gonna see this?" "You guys are gonna get me fired." "No, no, no." "Come on, let's go." "No, no, no, you're gonna get me fired, dude." "You 21?" "Happy mother fuckin' birthday." "Don't stay too close 'cause it gives me a wide angle like, distortion of my face." "We're going to Vegas." "You always do this, man." "I'm not going." "I'm not going." "We're going to Vegas." "I'm not going." "Yeah, you are." "Wanna see the move, man?" "We're going." "I am not going like this." "It's my fuckin' birthday." "We got you clothes, man, let's go." "Come on, Tommy, we don't have time, dude." "Let's do it!" "You got Matt Hardy?" "You know it." "Even though I could pick up women with anything," "I don't wanna be, you know..." "Stop that." "Why do I have my apron on right now?" "It's all right, you're fired already." "Just keep it." "Dude, your dad better give me a job then." "I'm not playing." "Just keep that hair net on all night." "Take it off." "Oh, shit." "You got gel?" "Yeah, we got gel." "Where's the gel?" "Projectile vomited." "Like, all over the street." "Almost in the car, we almost had to kick his ass." "It was like gray and amber, dude." "How'd he throw up?" "I don't know, I guess I smoked too much or something." "Are you bulimic?" "Not bulimic, he was sick." "What do you mean?" "Yeah, I took theater class in middle school, but you wouldn't know about that." "Anyways, um, and action." "Hey, guys, this is Tommy Kay reporting from the back seat of the ca... of the car." "I'll..." "I'll finish." "My friend, Graham, is bulimic." "And I'm gonna call him out on his shit 'cause that's what friends do." "I'm..." "I'm a little worried now." "A little bit." "What do you want me to fuckin' say?" "I fuckin' smoked a little bit of weed... okay, a lot of bit of weed and I fuckin' had my cranberry scone like I do every morning." "I mean, you shouldn't be vomiting." "It was pink, for God sakes." "Yeah, because I had a fuckin' cranberry scone, dick!" "Does Cameron have a rape face?" "Now, put the camera in your face really quick." "And tell me, you should have played American Psycho." "Did you make her?" "Hey, Capri." "Hey, Luke." "Hey, Capri, baby, boo-boo bear, no, no, yes." "You want us to take you to Vegas so you can see Jake?" "That sounds like more of a gift for you than a gift for me." "On my brother's birthday?" "Does she have... does she have women with her?" "Hello?" "Ask her." "Yeah." "What?" "We'll be there in 20." "No." "No, no." "I'll see you in a minute." "What the fuck, dude?" "She's not my friend." "You still play pancake at 22." "What is pancake?" "This is so gay, dude." "We're backtracking to go pick up pancake." "Get off, I'm not..." "What is pancake?" "Patty-cake?" "Oh, patty-cake." "No, fuck off." "Yeah, you see, you know now." "Okay, I play, because I'm the only one who's got quick enough hands to do the fucking patty-cake." "Graham, reject me one more time, see what happens... just one time." "See watch." "Whoa, God, you're pinching me, you fucking weirdo!" "Tommy?" "Oh, my God." "Were you worried they were going to send you back across the border?" "I'm not Mexican, dude." "I'm..." "I'm from Illinois." "Same difference." "Happy birthday, Graham!" "You don't get anything you want." "What does it matter?" "Because we were going to have the fucking four of us, man!" "She's gonna ride with us and then we're gonna drop her off." "You can't..." "I don't understand why you're so mad, Graham?" "It's not... it's not a big deal." "See, you're not a big deal." "Tommy Kay's down with it." "Bro, I'm gonna fuckin' sock you in the mouth." "Tommy Kay, you weren't even gonna fucking come." "You were gonna fucking flip pizzas for the rest of the fuckin' week." "Yeah, you weren't gonna fucking come." "All right, I'm sorry." "Can you stay quiet for a second?" "I need a vent." "I don't ha... and back to me." "I don't have a fade." "I don't feel comfortable with the shirt." "I can tell when you're lying to me, go ahead." "Okay, go ahead." "You feel happy now?" "This is the... this is the hospital where Graham was born." "Quick, get a shot of that." "That's beautiful." "It's brown too." "We goin' to Vegas?" "Let's go to Vegas." "Yes, we're going to Vegas." "Let's get pumped up." "Whatever." "Vegas on three, Cam." "On three..." "Vegas." "One, two, three." "Go." "All right, for everybody's information, moving on down the road." "We got a little stowaway in the back seat now though, because somebody just had to tag along." "Guilty, right there." "You know you wanted me to come, don't lie." "Oh, and I came bearing gifts." "What are you drawing over there?" "Oh, that's so sweet." "If... them two were to have a kid, this is how it would look like." "I agree." "His name is Pepe." "Oh, shit." "We're all gonna die, we're never gonna make it to Vegas." "Okay, say something." "Um," "Why are you here, where did you come from?" "Because I am going to go see my boyfriend." "And you guys are giving me a ride." "So kindly, my good friends." "Can I draw a dinosaur on your cheek?" "He's holdin' the camera." "You're holdin' the camera, it's my turn to play." "You're not here." "You need to practice invisibility..." "Okay, I'm tired of the attitude." "We're pretending that you don't exist." "Why are you guys so mean then?" "You exist, I see you." "This was a dude's trip." "Dude's trip only." "And you are gay for sure now." "How am I gay?" "You're sucking your banana." "Just because he has feelings, okay?" "Gay, gay." "Stop!" "..." "Yo, fuckface, film me humpin' the fuckin' stegosaur." "The what?" "Get it, dude." "What'd he say?" "Yeah, you like that?" "Yeah, man." "You gotta thrust the hips, though." "Hey, easy dude, don't bust a nut on this thing." "Hey, Graham." "Oh, boy." "You wanna hump this thing?" "Yes, I wanna hump that thing." "Oh, yeah, get some." "Hey, wait your turn, buddy." "All right, all right." "No pleasure for the dinosaur." "You're up, buddy." "And it's a guy." "I don't do this shit." "Short and sweet, just like your mother likes it." "That's great, you're talkin' about my mom again." "What, man, she has soft hands." "Uh, that's really weird." "Why is that weird?" "It's not like I'm saying it sexually, okay?" "I just mean, her hands feel like they're dipped in shea butter or something." "It's actually quite amazing." "Well, how would you feel if I showed her this fuckin' tape?" "I would say, "Mrs. Cohen, you have silky, soft, smooth hands." "And I love you."" "Okay." "Let's get outta here." "I'm not fuckin'..." "Ready?" "I can't believe those two haven't fucked, dude." "What, yeah, they have." "What?" "What?" "When?" "Holy shit, wait a second." "Hey, how come you guys didn't tell me you've screwed before?" "What?" "Cat's out of the bag, just answer the question." "Hey, you know what?" "This is perfect, this makes sense." "Yeah, okay, turn the camera off." "It's evolution." "I'm being serious right now." "Cameron, come on, this shit's not cool." "No, I'm being seriou..." "Let my talk to you for a min... oh!" "Uh!" "I'm telling you, you guys make a c..." "Sorry, buddy." "Thanks, still love you." "I don't tell you guys everything." "Oh, fuck off, it's about the group." "I tell you everything." "Hey, you guys, this was something personal." "If there's inner-group fucking," "I have a right to know and so does the documentary." "Not only do you tell everybody, hey, but now I'm gonna tell it in front of Capri and on camera." "Guys, guys, guys, hello?" "You guys are a..." "So, there, no, it's not." "What the fuck is going on?" "It's none of your business either." "No, it is my business because both of you are my friend and I think both of you make a perfect couple." "And I don't know what the fuck you're doing." "I mean, I don't know what you're doing with that guy." "You've known him your whole life." "I don't understand what is stopping you from committing." "Why would we want to ruin that?" "Our friendship, our relationship." "Graham, shut up, please." "Yeah, there's no fucking trust 'cause you didn't trust me enough to tell me." "I think that it's not fair..." "You can't tell me?" "I fuckin' told you and you're..." "So what's the big deal if Tommy Kay knows?" "Let's hear what Tommy Kay has to say." "I think it's not fair that you're keeping Luke on hold." "And I think it's not fair that you are still single, my friend." "I got side girls." "And that is just..." "that's just..." "Why am I keeping him on hold?" "I mean, a friendship isn't good enough?" "I think your boyfriend should be your best friend." "But why can't I have my best friend and my boyfriend?" "And have him always here, always..." "Wow, always here." "No, I don't mean like that." "Do you live in like, never-never land?" "I don't mean it like that, obviously... now, look you guys." "What do you think about Luke's side girls?" "Oh, yeah." "Well, that shouldn't affect you because he should be able to fuck as many girls as he wants 'cause you guys are not in a committed relationship." "I'm going on a fucking spree tonight." "Fuck, yes, amen!" "Okay, well I thought you guys were doing me a favor and I didn't know you were going to give me such a hassle about it and make things awkward." "While everything's awkward, I'm gonna tell you about this thing." "This story." "This awkward story." "So, when we were actually doing the dirty," "Why do have... no." "She's on top and she's like..." ""Hey, I want you to F me in my little P."" "And I was like, "What the fuck?"" "You're such assholes!" "You're such an asshole." "I'm not talking to you the rest of the trip." "Let go!" "Did she actually say D and P?" "Or was she like..." "That is some kinky shit." "I'm not talking to you the rest of the trip." "Ow, you're hurting my wrist." "Please put your D in my PPs." "I wonder what little Jakey-poo would think of that?" "Oh, my God, that wasn't easy." "I'm not talking to you the rest of the trip." "You know what, Capri?" "You know what, you're payment for us driving you is us showing Jake this tape." "You're crazy, turn it off." "Taco chan, yummy yum-yum." "Hey." "Cameron?" "Hey?" "Yeah, what?" "Team Jacob or Team Edward?" "Team Jacob, dude for sure." "Love Lautner." "Right, that's what I'm talkin' about." "Steve Taylor." "That's what I'm talkin' about." "You kind of remind me of him, dude." "Really?" "Maybe with your shirt off, especially." "Do you think?" "Yes, yeah." "Yes, definitely, I know." "TK, TK?" "What, what?" "Team Jacob or Team Edward?" "What?" "Edward or Jacob?" "Fuck you talkin' about?" "Dude, don't be a fag." "Team Edward or Team Jacob?" "Oh, I'm the one being a fag, and you guys are talking about which Twilight character I like." "All right, fine, I seen Twilight a couple times and it's not a big deal." "A couple times?" "Truth comes out." "Dude, you know what, give me the camera." "Okay, Capri, now I want you to swear into the camera." "I swear." "Uh, swear on your burrito." "I swear on this burrito that this fine establishment has made for me that I will be one of the guys for the rest of the trip." "And once we're in Vegas, I will find my boyfriend and let you little boys have your bro time." "And I swear I'll pee standing up." "And I swear I'll pee standing up." "That's gross." "Ooh." "Oh, wait, and I also swear that I won't tell about our yoga class Friday." "Oh." "Toga." "Toga." "Just a minute, it's okay." "I'm really getting into Roman culture." "Toga." "Douche bag." "Graham, Cameron, could we just let her eat, and go." "I want to learn how to lick my elbow." "Hey, get a room, get a room, guys." "Stop." "Seriously, gross." "Gross." "I mean, I'll punch you in the face." "Oh, wow, okay, that's..." "That was my burrito." "Just 'cause you swore on it, doesn't mean it's yours." "Yeah, it kinda was." "Why..." "I just don't know." "He kinda just swept me off my feet." "Oh, that is so lame." "You don't think it has anything to do with the fact that he's like, a marine adonis?" "Despite how perfect he is, there's no way this guy is right for you." "Don't you think maybe it should be me and you?" "I just think you and I are some day kind of relationship." "Jake and I are a today kind of relationship, Lukie." "When do you think some day will be, Capri?" "I just don't know, Luke." "Don't put so much pressure on me." "What am I supposed to do?" "Dance." "Tell me." "Just tell me what to do." "Just dance." "Okay." "Yo, what are we waiting for?" "What are you guys doing?" "Spotted." "Go, move, move." "Move, we're spotted!" "No, you ruining' my gain right now... hello?" "Damn you, Tommy." "With what guys?" "Listening to us five minutes?" "Call you right back." "Cameron." "I thought it was past five minutes." "No." "He didn't hear anything." "Let's go." "We gotta go." "Can you talk to Ashley, tell her that you're not a girl." "Ashley, Ashley, I'll buy you a drink..." "For the better of all of us." "It's Graham." "You're in time out." "Graham, take it easy, brother." "Graham." "Ow!" "Oh, you're gonna fucking crash, dude." "Holy shit." "We're going to be there in twenty miles." "I'm pulling off, I'm pulling off." "We're gonna be there in ten minutes." "Where are you gonna pull off?" "There's no exits." "What do you want me to do?" "I want you to hold it, like a man." "Do you have like, a fucking box or something?" "A box?" "He's gonna shit in a box." "Let's make him shit in a box." "Hold the wheel for a sec." "No." "Hold the fucking wheel!" "I don't know." "What is he doing, dude?" "Come on." "Graham." "No." "If you do this, we're turning around." "Oh, my God." "Okay, okay." "Ohh!" "What, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "I'm over the hump, I'm over the hump." "What's wrong with you?" "What did you eat today?" "Oh, my God, ahh!" "All right, seriously, this is the kind of fine establishment you do not go inside of unless you want to get man raped by a truck driver with a Fu Manchu, you know what I mean?" "And Graham's been in here for like, 30 minutes." "We're gonna go check on him." "Yo, Grahaminator?" "I just pooped." "I was guessing you had." "Jesus, it smells great." "Well, hello." "What do we have here?" "There it is." "Women willing to do anything to make you happy." "In all caps, anything." "Believe you me, I can put that to the test." "Capri and Luke, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, then comes marriage," "Are we going to have to deal with this the whole trip?" "Are we going to have to deal with this the whole trip?" "That's not all, that's not all, baby's fucking sucking my balls." "Oh." "In Vegas, stays in Vegas." "What stays in Vegas, stays in Vegas." "Stays in Vegas." "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." "Stays in Vegas." "I'm taking your girl!" "All right guys, I gotta show you this... this is too awesome, check it out." "These colors look familiar?" "Women willing to do anything to make you happy." "Ladies and gentlemen, at long last we have arrived." "Las Vegas, the strip, sin city." "We're gonna find out why it's called sin city." "We're here, we have arrived, we've come." "Still get's a little wild because of Graham's stoner ass." "Ohh, check out that chick over there." "Graham, get her number, dude." "Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived at long last." "Start your engines." "The crew is in the house." "That was the engine starting." "That is Graham's engine starting." "Hey, check this place out for a second." "Yo, yo, yo, yo." "Hey, special thanks to my father, Dr. Townes, for hooking us up with the most bomb-ass suite that this town has to offer." "All right, hey, one of you jokers take this." "Film me." "I don't know where the room is." "I'm out of breath already." "I can't breath anymore." "I can't breath anymore." "I can't..." "Ow!" "You're such a pussy." "What floor are we on?" "Okay." "And we go... the hallway that's gonna lead us to the scene of the crime." "Where did you get that?" "This is my documentary." "Actually feels pretty good." "Okay, so tell me, what's the..." "oh, shi... oh, my God." "Oh, Graham." "Graham, what the fuck?" "Graham cracker." "Dude, I missed it, you gotta do it again." "Nothing happened." "Do it for the documentary, come on." "Are you jealous, because I just got the most amazing footage." "No, and actually I have a good idea because now we can get some tag team double footage." "Two different angles." "Two different angles." "Dude." "Fuck." "But I'm gonna need your camera." "You all right, buddy?" "Hey, you think you can do it again?" "I think I ruptured my coccyx." "Think you can do it again?" "Move, move, move, move!" "This is amazing." "Thank you, Daddy." "You kidding me?" "This is what I'm talking about, Cameron." "Who wants some shots?" "Watch it." "Seriously, thank you, Daddy." "Wait a second, where's Graham?" "Graham?" "Graham?" "Where the heck is Graham at?" "Graham?" "Hey, where'd Graham go?" " Graham?" " Where's little Graham crackers?" "Sh-hhh, you can't see me, now can you?" "Dude, you're scaring the kids." "Or can you?" "You're scaring the kids." "Bitch." "Uh!" "My ear!" "Did you guys check out this here?" "Oh, my gosh, that's amazing." "Look... oh, look, there's a girl." "I'm gonna bang her..." "tonight." "You mean the girl in the reflection?" "Oh, you mean you, Cameron?" "Ooh!" "Right back at you." "Okay, you guys, let's bring it in." "Hands in, right here." "To Graham's 21st birthday." "And to your dad." "Thank you, Dad, for the wonderful room." "To Dr. Townes." "Gracias, Dr. Townes." "Bitchin!" "That's the greatest cheers ever." "Documented, look, did you see these?" "History is in the making." "Ready, ready?" "Get a close up on this, Cam." "One more, for good luck." "You... one more for good luck." "If you don't do it, your whole family could die." "Dead, forever." "Come on, don't kill your mom." "Don't kill your mom." "Fuck it!" "Don't kill your mom." "Go." "One more shot." "Yeah, man!" "Oh, gross." "My mouth is on fire." "It's on fire." "I'm not doin' it, I'm not..." "Hey." "I'm pooping while I play Brick Breaker." "So, a lot tonight, Bro." "Yeah." "Before we go out," "I wanna do a couple jokes with you, okay?" "Just get your confidence a little bit higher." "Hear what I said?" "Yeah." "You gotta trust me, man." "Can you leave?" "I gotta wipe." "It's okay." "Part a life." "I gotta wipe." "Would you get the fuck out, I gotta wipe!" "First tip... white teeth." "They love white teeth." "Second tip..." "Cameron," "Oh, my God, it smells in here." "Cameron," "Hey, baby." "Daddy's home." "World good." "Cracker Graham." "Hey, dudes." "Hey, dudes." "Nice to meet you." "Douche bags arrived." "Dude, he looks like a douche." "You're better off without her if she's gonna go out with that guy." "I don't know." "Hey, give me a little Lukie smile." "Give me a little Lukie smile." "Just one?" "Nah." "It's gonna be all right, dude, fuck 'em." "What's going on, man, I'm Chad." "Hey, did you bring a space ship?" "Uh, no, no, it's time out, dude." "What's this all about?" "It's the Cam cam... smile." "What's this, what's this, what's this?" "You're on Cameron camera." "You guys been playing since..." "Just smile at the camera and say hoorah." "What's this..." "Yeah, can we get a hoorah?" "I'm just..." "I'm just kidding, man." "Hey, whoa, we're leaving." "Get that fucking shit out of my face!" "Hey, you guys, what is wrong with you?" "Cam cam, get away..." "Cam, stop." "Shut the fuck up, man." "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Fuck those bitches up!" "Fuck." "Dude, put your sh..." "I'm not kidding." "Put your shirt on." "I swear on my grandmother's life that I'm gonna take you out tonight and you're gonna get laid." "And you're gonna forget about Capri 'cause you are a handsome motherchucker." "You are sexy as hell, man." "I didn't mean to fight." "I didn't mean to fight." "Graham, you play too much, man." "I did." "You were going to give 'em a piece of your shit." "I kinda like..." "I kinda like you with your shirt off." "All right, camera off, IDs on, let's go." "That is pretty awesome." "Changin' my clothes." "We're goin' out and I'm gettin' dick in my pussy." "Dick in your pussy is what we're doin'." "Dick in your pussy?" "There you go." "Dick in your pussy?" "Oh, my God!" "Here, here, here, here, you want a pickup?" "No." "What are you doing?" "Stop, stop." "This is so cute, guys." "Sleeper hold." "Sleeper hold." "Hey, no more fighting, let's go get drunk." "We're here on a mission to find the rare creature they call the Grahaminator." "He's a... he's a rare, rare, spectacle." "He's been know to wander this jungle aimlessly looking for muff to burrow into for hours and days at a time." "Some say he eats kids." "Some say he eats adults." "Some say he lives off nothing." "Some say he's the hardest thing to spot in this..." "Hey, Graham." "What?" "Come here real quick." "One sec, dude." "Big play in the game." "Just real quick." "Hold on." "You want another card?" "No." "All right, sorry, sorry, sorry." "Cameron, Cameron." "Come here." "I'm winning." "I'm winning." "Cameron, I love you." "How are you winning?" "I'm playing blackjack." "Hey, pussy." "About that chick at the pool." "Oh, I know." "You know how you guys said she was a hooker?" "Yeah." "She mighta been." "I knew she was." "Hey, I'm sorry about that, okay?" "Sh-hhh, don't." "Come play with me." "Happy birthday." "Come play with me." "I'm coming, let's go." "I want you to play ball." "Let's go." "Come on." "Come on." "I wanna..." "I wanna go..." "remember that..." "Let's go talk to that hooker." "Let's go find her." "Because I have money now." "Let's release teddy bear back into the wilderness." "I have money." "I have... wait, wait..." "Do I look good sitting backwards?" "Do I look cool?" "Look so hot." "All right, let's go." "Hey, guys, listen." "She was fine." "I got a solution." "No, what?" "I got something else to do." "What?" "It's sure thing." "Read it." "Yo, this girl just texted me, she has two bottles of..." "Paradise, this is..." "Two bottles and a friend." "You can do that any time back home." "We're in Vegas in a suite." "We're willing to do anything to make you happy." "Read it again." "I just... why do I have to read it twice for you?" "Read it again." "You heard it." "Read it again." "7-0-2-GET-2-WET." "It's a water park." "Luke, you are a articulate, intelligent, good looking individual that is gonna go pay... and back to me." "Hey, Tommy Kay." "That is going to go pay for pussy." "One night, this one night!" "Explain this logic to me." "And you Cameron, I forgot about you 'cause you're a really ugly looking dude so you have to go pay for pussy." "That makes sense." "I agree with him for..." "What's the difference for one night?" "We're in Vegas, don't you want to do something crazy?" "Do you always play it safe?" "No, we won't play it safe." "Let's go to the club and get herpes." "But I'm not paying for pussy and I'm not going to a strip club because I got a bad feeling about it." "Hey, if worse comes to worse, it'll make for a good story and we'll leave." "Come on, let's just call the number." "What's it..." "It's not gonna hurt anyone." "Luke, Luke, Luke..." "Let's just go check the place out." "What?" "Why are you trippin', man." "I'm gonna get you a girl, you'll never even remember the name Capri." "Come on, one night." "What is one night?" "We're in Vegas!" "It's your brother's birthday." "Just call the number." "That's true." "Call the number." "Fuck it, give it here." "See, let's call it." "Tommy Kay, you won't regret it." "We'll just go for an hour." "Let's just go." "Are we going?" "Hey, you're not gonna regret it, buddy." "You won't have to pay for it, I will." "This weekend's on me, man." "It's Cameron Townes' party weekend." "You're not gonna regret it." "All right." "All right." "Oh, my gosh, there's so much alcohol in that drink." "I put a lot of tequila in it." "I believe it." "Hey, there, welcome to Paradise." "Hey, babe, what's goin' on?" "Oh, she's hot." "Who am I talking to?" "Uh, Cameron." "Cameron, nice to meet you." "Hey, nice to meet you." "It's Candice." "Oh, Candice, nice name." "Um, what's goin' on, Candice?" "We're trying to get some strippers over here." "Why don't you come here?" "Come to you?" "Yes." "Dude, that's how it works." "I promise I'll make it worth your while." "See, they got kinky shit there." "That's how it works." "Where are you guys located?" "We are very close to the strip." "I'm getting paper, I gotta get some paper." "Hold on one second, I gotta write this down." "Here, write this down." "Write it down like your life depends on it 'cause it does." "All right, go ahead." "Okay, coming from the strip, take the 515 to the next light." "Okay." "They better have like, 16 girls, at least." "Hey, Cameron, you excited about it now?" "Yeah, I'm cool, yeah, let's do it." "Somebody grow some balls and give me a smile," "Jesus, come on." "Come on, dude, let's do it." "We're gonna get you a woman." "On me, tonight it's on me, boys." "Twenty-one, you're only twenty-one?" "What do you say, what do you say, Graham?" "You have the option to stay, if you want to, okay?" "Whatever." "Let's do it." "Whatever, let's go." "Okay, for the record, I am very we... very, very, I am..." "Stop taking..." "I told you to stop taking shots." "For the record... why?" "I am aware of the fact that this a... might be my worse decision ever." "And I come from a long line of bad decisions." "But on the other, hey..." "on the other hand, this might be the brightest, shiniest moment of my life." "Not at all... it's probably the worst idea ever." "Oh, come on, dude, if nothing else we'll have good stories in the morning." "Graham, what's up, dude, are you happy?" "I'm excited." "Excited." "It's your hat." "Hey, guys, you guys are so cute." "Luke, you're just so cute." "Graham, Cam, you guys feel the energy?" "I'm in, baby." "To a long life, to a great trip in Vegas, and you guys are my fucking best friends in the whole world." "On three, happy birthday, Graham." "One, two, three..." "We gotta work on that." "Oh, shit, I don't think we've ever done that once." "We've never done that right yet." "You guys know what?" "What?" "You know, there's really only two things that I'm really good at." "You know?" "You know what they are, right?" "One is making... one is making really bad decisions, which are almost so bad, they're awesome." "Like now." "And the other one is thumb wrestling." "So, I'm gonna pay some hooker and extra ten bucks to thumb wrestle me, and I'll be two for two at everything I do wonderful." "What's next, where we goin'?" "Huh?" "Uh, what do you mean, where are we going?" "We're goin' to the whore house." "Paradise." "Cam, focus." "Yeah, hey, I'm lookin'." "Um." "Give me the directions, bro." "Yeah, I don't have that..." "I don't have that paper." "What?" "What?" "I know, I said I had it." "And I don't." "You douche." "It wasn't that... hey, it wasn't that many directions." "We're gonna find it, all right?" "It's cool." "Chill out, dude, chill out okay?" "I'm chill, I just don't know why..." "Dude, look, hey, there's the truck stop, right there." "Where?" "It's right there." "We turn right there, that's what they said." "There's a truck stop." "Turn the camera off." "That's the truck stop, let's go." "Turn the camera off, please." "Look, we're there." "We made it." "We have arrived." "Is that a cop behind us?" "Is that a cop behind us?" "Still okay." "This officially might be the sketchiest place on Earth." "Shit, check this place out." "Might be offi... yeah." "My worst idea ever." "Okay, Cam, you're now Captain Obvious." "What are you guys waiting for?" "Who is that?" "On the count of three..." "one, two, three." "Who is that?" "We're goin' in." "Whoever said this is a bad idea is a dumb motherfucker." "I like your camera." "Boys, boys, boys, which one is Cameron?" "Cameron is right here and you're on here." "You're Cam cam, hello." "Uh, who is your friend over here?" "Yo, you." "Come here." "I wanta talk to Tommy Kay." "I'm not interested." "Uh, yeah, I'll make you interested, baby." "Come here." "Come on, you're coming with me, honey." "You're coming with me." "No, no, no, I can't, I can't." "I want you and you." "You and you right now." "Us?" "Together, same time." "One, two, three, so, let's go." "Hi." "Take me to..." "Graham, get yourself a girl." "Before we get started, I will need a credit card." "And I will give you more than that, but take this to start with." "No, no, no, no." "Well, boys, welcome to the Paradise." "Tommy Kay, it's on me, quit being a little pussy." "Get it." "Don't do it!" "Thank you Daddy, Dr. Townes." "Hoowee!" "Let's put this thing down for a second." "Oh, boo, we'll get it back in a minute." "Okay, let's take your pants off." "Yes!" "Cameravision anytime." "Well, ladies." "That is what the black card went down for." "I gotta get a better view of this." "There we go." "Yeah." "All right." "There's plenty to go around." "Wait right here, sexy big boy." "I'm gonna go put something more comfortable on." "Okay." "Do it in the kitchen." "Okay, it's weird." "I want you." "This place is like a fuckin' maze." "I hope you guys enjoyed what you just saw." "Hey, look, we're back to the start." "It's Tommy Kay." "We're black to the start?" "I'm glad you're sober." "Nice to see you..." "I'm sotally tober, dude." "Very funny." "How come you haven't gotten a girl?" "Ladies and gentlemen, Have you gotten a girl?" "We don't get..." "Why are your pants on?" "Dude, what are you saying right now?" "Whoa." "Dude, where did this one come out of?" "Hi." "Hello." "What's your name?" "My name is Dr. Cameron Townes." "Dr. Cameron Townes." "Dr. Cameron Townes looks like he needs a drink." "He does and he has a drink here..." "Hey." "Enough stuff, pass, Cam." "You'll get yours in a minute." "Cam, please, lookit." "Hmm." "Hey." "I'm done." "Yeah, you'll get your... hey, get yours." "Drink up." "It's on Daddy Townes." "So, Dr. Townes, hello." "Yes, mam, Dr. Blonde." "Sam." "Sam, sexy." "What would you like to do?" "Do you want to go upstairs and talk?" "If by talk you mean fuck, then yes." "Okay, then that is what we should do." "All right, I'm comin'." "Come on." "Let's go." "Cam, be safe, man." "Hey, Tommy Kay, be a man." "Watch your step, please." "Grow some balls." "Dude, I don't pay for pussy." "Watch your step." "This place is crazy." "There's like 30 rooms..." "All for you." "Don't you love it?" "Perfect, it's all for me." "Close your eyes." "All right." "On my way." "Huh?" "Hey!" "Come on, funny, open the door." "So, you had some fun for yourself earlier." "I'm tryin' to." "How you feelin'?" "I'm feelin' good." "Yeah?" "A little drunk, maybe?" "Don't I know you from somewhere?" "I don't know, maybe." "Where do you think you know me from?" "No, not sure?" "So, a little sleepy?" "Yeah?" "You wanna lay down?" "That set's cool." "You like my outfit, baby?" "Uh-huh." "Are you ready for this?" "I was born ready for this." "Yeah, are you sure?" "Yeah." "Hello?" "Luke?" "Graham?" "Hello, this isn't funny, guys." "Hah." "Tommy!" "What the fuck is this?" "Tommy?" "Yo, what is this?" "Untie me." "You know, we paid you good money for this." "What is this?" "What are you doing?" "Stop." "Help!" "Somebody!" "..." "Where are my friends?" "Where are my friends?" "Luke!" "What are you doing, dude?" "Stop it, please stop." "Help!" "Graham!" "Where are my friends?" "Where are my friends?" "What are you doing?" "No, hey, what are you..." "hey, don't do that." "Don't do that, don't do it." "Help!" "Don't... what are you doing with that?" "Stop." "Stop, please just..." "Hey, guys." "Okay." "Holy shit!" "What the fuck, man!" "God." "Come on, get me, no, get me out..." "Luke, Graham!" "For fucking sake." "Get the fuck off me!" "Luke!" "Okay, please, okay, please, I wanna go." "Please, I'll give you anything you want." "Come on, please." "Way that's gonna lead us to the scene of the crime." "How does it feel to have the camera in your face?" "Actually feels pretty good." "Okay, so tell me what's... oh, shit." "Oh, my God, oh." "Oh, Graham, what the fuck?" "Graham cracker, oh!" "Dude, I missed it, you gotta do it again." "Just do it for the documentary." "Okay, are you jealous?" "Because I just got the most amazing footage." "No, actually I have a good idea because now we can get some tag team double footage, you know?" "Two different angles." "Two different angles." "Dude." "Fuck." "But I'm gonna need your camera." "You all right, buddy?" "Uh, yeah, I think I..." "Hey, you think you can do it again?" "My coccyx." "Think you can do it again?" "Let's go take some shots." "Do it." "You can fucking dance, dude." "I didn't know this guy could dance." "I'm very limber for my size." "What do you mean, for like a midget?" "Now I'm just tired." "Speaking of midgets." "Hey, Capri?" "Welcome to Luke cam." "Why don't you tell the millions of viewers what you're getting ready to do." "How you're about to ditch me for that douche bag boyfriend of yours after we've been running around on him for the past year." "Luke, it was one time." "Well, one time..." "one time at my house, one time on the fourth of July, one time at your grandma's banquet, one time..." "Why are you doing this right now?" "What do you mean, why am I doing this?" "Because I want to be with you." "Look, Jake is my boyfriend, you're not." "You can't fuck around with somebody for a year, Capri and just expect him to forget about it." "Have fun." "Thanks, you too." "Hey, it's Jake..." "you guys be nice." "Booo." "Hey, baby." "Daddy's home." "Daddy, world dud." "What the fuck is this?" "Get this out of my face." "We talked about this." "Uh, I don't think so." "Hey, dudes." "There gonna be no documentary shit." "Ahhh!" "Get wasted!" "Woof!" "All right, all right." "Yeah, I'm kind of in the middle of a game right now." "Give me the ball, man." "Please." "I'll be over there in a second." "Come on." "There it goes, this one's going in." "No way, come on, come on." "Watch this shit." "So, so much for our weekend together in Vegas." "So, Salter, did it ever get lonely out there on the battlefield?" "I mean, it wasn't so bad..." "there were girls." "Jake said there were no girls." "I mean, there weren't any in the corps, you know, but there were..." "locals." "If you're willing to pay." "And I'm sure you were, right?" "Six months is a long time without the touch of a woman." "So, yeah." "Did Jake ever get that desperate?" "How the hell am I supposed to know?" "I wasn't watching him every minute, you know?" "What the fuck, man?" "What up, bro?" "Who's buyin' the next drinks?" "I'll do it, I'll do it." "Jake, did you ever pay for a hooker?" "What?" "I don't fucking know, I don't wanna know." "What the fuck are you talking about?" "What's that, what is that?" "Did you pay for a hooker?" "I never paid for no hooker." "Yeah, I have no idea what's going on, dude." "She's asking questions about hookers and stuff like that." "I have no idea." "Did you ever pay for a hooker?" "It's crazy." "What's goin' on?" "Dude, hey, can you please just get that shit out of my face?" "Come on, man." "Happens." "Paid some whore." "What does that even mean?" "You listen to one of my drunk-ass friends?" "And so I'm automatically accused of fucking a prostitute?" "Come on!" "Why didn't you tell me you did it then?" "What does it matter, you're, you're..." "You couldn't answer." "You couldn't even answer that question!" "Did you?" "Did you?" "Does it even fuckin' matter?" "Yes, it matters!" "Really?" "Tell me, tell me the truth." "Right now, did you?" "Surprise!" "Hello?" "You guys." "Hello, where are you?" "Hello?" "At the tone, please record your message." "Hey, Luke, it's me." "Things didn't work out with Jake and I, so, just, I wanna know where you are... call me." "Paradise." "Oh, my gosh." "Really?" "Please tell me you guys are not at a whore house." "Oh, my gosh." "I think I may have lost my best friend." "And for Jake, who turned out to be a complete fucking asshole." "And now I'm gonna go find my friends at a whore house." "This is definitely not the night that I imagined." "Hi, honey." "Hi." "How are you?" "Is this Paradise?" "Yes, it is." "How can I help you?" "I'm just looking for some of my friends." "Oh, let's see, four guys?" "Four young guys wanting to have a good time?" "Yeah, were they here?" "Yeah, they're here, they're upstairs." "Do you need anything?" "No, I just wanna find them, yeah." "Well, if you go right up the stairs and to the left they'll be there waiting for you... go have some fun." "Waiting for me?" "So, I can just walk up there?" "Yeah, just go right up there." "It's fine, are you sure?" "I'm positive." "My boyfriend had sex with hookers." "And my friends are having sex with hookers." "I've never actually met a hooker." "I knew that bitch was lying." "Come on out, guys." "Playtime is over." "Luke?" "Hello." "Tommy Kay?" "Guys, where are you?" "Guys, come on... where are you?" "Hello." "Cam..." "Cam..." "Oh, my God." "Wait!" "Somebody help me!" "Somebody help me!" "Hello?" "Luke." "Luke!" "Luke!" "Luke!" "Luke!" "Oh, my God, Luke, we gotta get you..." "We have to get you outta here, where's Graham?" "We can run, get somebody." "Just hold on, okay?" "Hold on, hold on to me." "Get up, please." "We gotta get Graham." "Graham." "Graham." "What did they do to him!" "We have to go now." "Graham is gone." "Go, go!" "Please just come on, Luke." "We have to go." "We have to go, Luke, we have to go." "Get up, get up, get up." "Please, please." "Luke, Luke." "Leave me!" "Go!" "Just go, just go." "Help, please, please." "We're almost out." "No, Capri!" "Fucking!" "I'm gonna kill you!" "My friend, you have seen this incident based on sworn testimony." "Can you prove that it didn't happen?" "Perhaps on your way home, someone will pass you in the dark." "And you will never know it!" "For they will be from outer space." "Many scientists believe that another world is watching us this moment." "We once laughed at the horseless carriage, the airplane, the telephone, the electric light, vitamins, radio, and even television." "And now some of us laugh at outer space." "God help us in the future." "Only moments ago, after five long weeks of searching," "Capri Johnson was discovered just a few feet from here on this deserted road, just outside of Reno, Nevada." "Thanks to an anonymous tip," "Channel 11 was first on the scene." "I must warn you, the footage you are about to see is extremely disturbing." "Sensitive viewers may not want to watch."