"Come off it Parker!" "What is wrong with this guy?" "I wouldn't have thought you a soap man, Trevor." "She clearly wants him, okay." "She's the cuter of the two." "She's all legs and teen spirit." "I don't know." "She seems a little cold to me." "She's fiery, she's Iceland." "She's like a volcano under ice!" "She's the source of all geysers." "He's crazy if he can't see that!" "Well, maybe he's just a little immature." "You know?" "Charming in his own way." "Jump her, ya pinhead!" "Look at him." "He talks and he talks." "It's like he gets paid by the word." "He says ten things when he means one." "He goes on and on and on, blah blah blah, eat, drink, sleep." "He won't stop talking." "He babbles." "Sounds familiar." "Look, they can't get together, Trevor." "The show would be over." "Oh, fine by me." "You know what I don't get?" "You claim to be Cupid, you have no reservations about sharing your views on love." "yet you say you have never fallen in love yourself." "That takes chutzpah." "chutzpah." "Stephen Hawkins is fifty six years old." "Sequitur please." "People line up to buy his book about the dawn of time." "No one questions his wisdom." "Well, he devoted his life to research." "So have I. Goddesses, nymphs, amazons." "I am personally responsible for the premature retirement of half a dozen of Diana's vestal virgins." "You must be proud." "Sounds interesting." "See you later." "Hey, if I was gonna fall in love, don't you think it would've happened already?" "I don't know." "Bye-bye." "Talk less, sir, or otherwise.." "His delusion that he is in fact Cupid, the Roman god of love, remains fixed?" "Well, he's not too fussy about the whole Greek-Roman split, so." "In any case, he was released because according to the reports which you filed, he'd overcome his delusional state." "Ah, this is Dr. Ian Frechette." "Have you had the pleasure?" "I know who Dr. Frechette is, of course." "Thank you." "While, I also know who Dr. Jeckyl is." "Ah, you disapprove of me." "Well, I guess I don't buy into your philosophy of when in doubt, medicate." "Dr. Frechette has identified Trevor Hale as a perfect test candidate in his latest research." "Thoroxelatizine-B?" "You're familiar with my work?" "Thorax-B hasn't even shown consistent results in physiological disorders." "Trevor Hale's mental problems are psychological." "I disagree." "All evidence points toward a degenerative schizophrenia." "Except that there has been no degeneration." "Furthermore, he poses no threat to himself or others, so lobotomizing..." "Dr. Allen..." "Excuse me!" "And chemically castrating him with that drug is irresponsible!" "I am fully conversant with the patient's file." "I wrote his file." "But, you report that Mr. Hale abstains from all sexual contact anyway." "Trevor is convinced if he had sex with a mortal, he'll cease to be a god." "And when he finally succumbs to his sex drive, and he will, he'll have to confront that paradox." "And how do you know he even has a sex drive?" "I've seen him dance." "Well, dancing aside, Claire, is it possible that Trevor's charm and rather appealing world view have effected your objectivity?" "No." "Mr. Hale's delusion is biochemical in origin." "My drug will cure him." "Thorax-B will actually prevent Trevor from regaining his sanity." "Sorry, Claire." "I'm gonna have to think on this one." "Wear your beepers." "I'll be in touch." "Now for our seventh performer we have Mike on electric guitar." "I wanna thank all my fans for coming down to support me." "Boys and their phallic delusions." "You ever get tired of psychoanalysing?" "Now that you mention it, I am a bit winded." "You know, there's nothing wrong with phallic." "The Iliad was phallic." "What?" "You know, the walled city, the horse, thrusting its way through the gate, finally..." "Don't..." "... finally delivering its payload." "There it is." "So, what can you tell us about Abby Puff n' Stuff up there?" "Yeah, hi, it's Claire I'm expecting a very important message from Dr. Greeley." "Nothing?" "Okay, thank you." "I was way better than this guy." "Oh... yeah." "Oh, I should've gone home." "Come on, Claire, play with us." "This is fun." "You know what that is?" "That's just C and G, back and forth the whole day, back and forth." "Cowboy Erwin up there is repressing a memory of a milking gone bad." "And now for our...fifteenth performer, Sophie Gill on guitar." "She's cute." "You can take a run in for her." "Wow!" "Yeah, well, pretty good." "If you like that kind of thing." "She's great." "Well, I'll be damned." "Now, there's a woman who needs a good man." "No, there's a woman who had a good man then lost him." "Thank you." "Thanks." "How are you?" "It's so good to see you." "Yeah." "Me too." "So, I heard that you were in LA making it big." "Huge!" "My entourage is out right now, tracking down this Malaysian bottled water I like." "And, that you signed a record deal." "Yeah." "I'm supposed to be in the studio right now, spinning pain and isolation into gold." "How does that work?" "I decided I needed a little R n' R instead." "First album you're already playing hooky." "Same old Sophie." "Acting like my dad." "Same old Albert." "You know, the record company tracked me down." "They sent a limo to come pick me up." "They know how I hate to fly." "Since when?" "You're just stalling." "So, given the nagging, you guys must go way back." "Which is very interesting." "Interesting how?" "Well, Claire has a theory..." "Uh, Trevor, no...." "Well, you know, about the song you were playing." "She thinks it's about a dreamboat you loved and lost you are very dreamy and that little feel copping session you had back there..." "Albert?" "!" "Yeah." "He's just one of the nameless, faceless drones I used to satisfy my voracious sexual appetite." "Count me in." "I'm just kidding." "We were musical theatre geeks together back at the Fine Arts Magnate." "Pals that's all." "Sophie used to write two-thirds of a musical, decide it wasn't perfect, and we'd end up doing Fiddler On The Roof." "Not a whole lot of parts for me in that." "When I'm forty, will you please stop giving me a hard time about that." "Listen, will you tell Claire she's wrong, please." "Claire you're wrong." "What was she wrong about?" "Your song." "I thought it was about love gone bad." "Then you know what, he is right and you are wrong." "Thank you." "Love?" "I don't believe in it." "I don't touch the stuff." "Whoa, whoa." "Let's not get carried away, young lady." "Forgive me for prying, but, you've never told someone that you loved them?" "No." "I was thirteen and there was this neighbour boy." "It never occurred to me then but..." "Your right, or my right?" "The car's right, honey." "I can't." "It's on kid-proof." "The way Lister and I felt about each other must have scared my parents to death." "They were probably relieved when we moved away." "Just a little bit?" "Please?" "Okay." "We gotta go, Houston." "They didn't even give us a proper chance to say goodbye." "I got you a present, Gill, so you won't forget me." "I didn't get you anything, Lister." "We gotta make some time here, kids." "Window's coming up." "I gave him the only thing I could think of." "My bicycle key." "When we pulled away, I thought I'd never see him again, so I told him how I felt as if I knew." "Do you wanna see something funny?" "From Paul?" "Yeah." "I don't know." "It has kitsch value." "Let's go find him." "No." "What?" "This is the only guy she's loved." "She's still wearing this locket." "Look, since then no one has melted the butter, breached the water, unlocked the potential." "You wanna know why?" "Because she's suppressed her little rock star feelings." "That's why." "Repressed." "Thank you." "I'm not agreeing with you, Trevor, I'm helping with the vocabulary." "Whatever." "Excuse me." "Hello?" "Hi, Claire." "It's Milton." "Milton, great." "So, I guess you've come to a decision." "Dr. Frechette presented a solid case that your Mr. Hale is an ideal candidate." "Of course he is." "Trevor has no family to protest." "But there's been no improvement in his condition." "Perhaps it's time for a more radical treatment." "Aside from his delusion, he's holding a job, he's forming interpersonal relationships and..." "I find it hard to believe that a delusion this entrenched hasn't caused harm to either the patient or to others." "He does no more harm than a persistent friend dying to set you up." "That's the part you see." "You know something I don't?" "You're around Mr. Hale only a few hours a week." "Isn't it possible that he's on his best behaviour during that time?" "Hmm, there's a scary thought." "But one we have to consider." "The hospital board is inclined to hand Trevor over to Frechette." "Frechette is willing to assume liability for the patient." "Yes of course he is, because under Frechette's care" "Trevor will end up like a cabbage." "And in the hospital's way of thinking, safe." "Milton, what if I could just..." "Oh, no." "You can't afford to accept personal liability for a delusional patient loose on the streets." "We're talking about putting a man on a drug that will fundamentally change his personality." "Who he is!" "And we're doing all this because of what we suspect he may be doing when we're not present?" "And you're going to be...?" "Present." "Give me some time." "We're talking about your reputation." "Your career." "All right." "Some time, Claire, but not much." "Yes." "Road trip." "You need to jump back into this." "What?" "Are you kidding?" "This guy will be thrilled to see you." "I would want you back in my life." "Sophie has to go to Los Angeles to record a record." "Claire, you're the expert, will you tell" "Trevor that it's a stupid idea." "Don't ask her, you know what she's gonna say." "I think we should do it." "We?" "Yeah." "This looks good." "Can I have that." "Um, and this." "This one of cookies." "I am still waiting for Trevor and two friends to arrive." "The search for an old sweetheart will provide ample opportunity to subtly observe Trevor without his knowledge." "That's right good citizens!" "It's international hug-a-stranger day!" "It is time to hug it out, you little fruit!" "That means you snow cone." "We'll be back to pick up your fruit!" "Hello!" "." "Ha ha." "Yes, indeed." "Although, subtle isn't the first thing that occurs when you think of Trevor." "Your receipt is in the bag." "Thank you, very much." "Hello, Claire." "You brought sustenance for us, how nice, very civilized of you." "Very nice." "Did you use the facilities before you left?" "Did you turn off the oven?" "All right, buckle in young lady." "You don't want to bounce around." "My man, heads up." "I'll accept nothing less than sixty knots." "I want to crack an iceberg." "I love the feeling of shaved ice in the morning, it smells like victory." "Let's get into it!" "Sophie, your record company must love you" "They say I appeal to a desirable demographic." "Woo!" "TV, wet bar, you got everything!" "This is a lovely little love bucket." "Man!" "You want a roommate?" "Careful what you answer." "It's like inviting a vampire across your threshold." "Hey does this fold out into a bed or something?" "Comfy?" "I'm not." "Trevor has to sit next to the controls." "Yeah, apparently I have a Captain Kirk complex" "I have to get over, right?" "I have to push all the right buttons." "I picked up some travel brochures at the hotel." "Road trip options." "World's largest tinker toy town, heroes of the prohibition wax museum, which you would like..." "Ooo, look at that." "and someplace called "Snake Farm"." "Hold on there Dorothy." "You, me, Scarecrow and Tin Woman here are on our way to see the wonderful Lister of Oakville, Wisconsin." "Who is still listed at the same address." "I checked." "Oh no." "You know, I'm really psyched about the road trip, but why do we have to find this guy Paul, fifteen years later." "Well, because he was your first romance." "The only guy you ever loved." "That's powerful stuff." "Guaranteed fireworks, everlasting devotion." "Even the shrink here said so." "I never said that, Trevor." "Let's rewind to last night." ""I think we should do it"." "Or were you just coming on to me?" "Look, Trevor..." "Now that would be ugly, oh no, no, no..." "First love..." "Make him stop, make him stop..." "Excuse me!" "First loves are important." "That's where we establish later courtship patterns." "Later courtship patterns." "That's sexy." "That's like a good typing class." "Okay, okay." "This is how I see the reunion." "Awkward re-introduction, more belly, less hair, black socks with sneakers, kids riding around in big wheels, a few laughs after the ice is broken, nice enough guy but not the magic boy you remember" "So, what's the point?" "Well..." "Snake farm!" "Snake farm!" "The point is, you may have sub-consciously elevated Paul to such a level that no present day suitor stands a chance." "You want to move on but you can't because you haven't resolved the trauma you felt in the truncated break-up of that formative relationship." "Go girl!" "Work that hoo doo voodoo psycho mumbo jumbo mojo!" "Can I get a witness!" "I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat!" "What the hell is she talking about?" "She's a psychiatrist...." "Psychologist." "See, it's like the difference between "cook" and "chef"." "I was a pre-eighteen girl, Trevor, at one time." "Were you?" "Let me think about it." "There was a time when I had a real nice little..." "Okay." "When I was a girl..." "Right." "my parents used to send me to camp, every summer." "Yeah." "Camp..." "Camp Missisaugua." "It ran on the gold star system." "If you amassed enough gold stars, you got more free time." "This one boy, Mark... something." "He never got any free time because he wouldn't or couldn't play by the rules." "Not that he cared." "So, how many gold stars are you up to?" "I don't know." "Triple digits?" "Maybe." "Camp's supposed to be fun, they make it like school." "What do you like?" "Old fashioned cherry snow cones, X-Men, the Talking Heads, tree forts you build yourself, staying up late, swimming naked, skipping school..." "I like lots of things." "Well, maybe I'll see you at the camp fire tonight?" "I'm confined to my cabin." "I told counsellor Rick, that if he wore his shorts any tighter, he'd accidentally sterilize his grandchildren." "That's when I felt this pang." "Pang, huh?" "It's like the female equivalent of a "shwing!"." "At that moment, Mark became something more to me." "I don't know what exactly but it was more than the cute boy who couldn't get anything right." "Donuts, Cheetos, moon pies." "Why didn't you just bring big dollops of fried lard?" "They're road snacks." "I don't eat them at home" "You know what your problem is?" "Ever since Mark, every guy that you have a pang for has to be some misfit that you can help." "It's your Wonder Woman complex." "That wasn't the point of the story, Trevor." "This first love therapy is bitchin', isn't it." "The point of the story was that you don't see love coming." "Sort of." "Partially." "Yeah." "I never thought of Paul as anything but my buddy next door." "Until one day we were sitting in front of his house, discussing some totally innocent subject." "Hey Gill, I'm thinking of getting a tattoo." "Won't that hurt?" "Oh yeah." "A Lot." "And his little brother, Brian, the pest, tried to pry us apart as usual." "I'm supposed to ask you if you want to be on Rick Frame's team or Geoff Brown's." "You go on ahead." "But they only let me play if we play together." "We're brothers, not Siamese twins." "You can play without me." "We'll give you your own team if you want." "Want me to ask?" ""N", "O" spells get out of my face, hoser!" "Lister turn down a game of football?" "This was big." "So, Lister, where you gonna get this tattoo?" "Right about....here.." "Tazmanian Devil, maybe, or the Van Halen symbol." "I mean, I'd seen Paul a thousand times without his shirt on." "Maybe it was because he turned the other guys down, but this time I was looking." "You know what, scratch the caboose." "I'm gonna get another derailer and a side of bacon." "Wanna keep going?" "Order from the lunch menu straight onto dinner?" "So did Paul ever get his tattoo?" "Yeah, I drew one on his shoulder with a black magic marker." "Semi-permanent." "A skull?" "How'd you know?" ""My fingers shook when I drew on you" "A skull so black on golden skin that smelled new"." "That was off your first demo." "Could you put that gentleman's breakfast on my bill, please?" "Tables are outside my jurisdiction, honey bunch." "Please, I'd really appreciate it." "He gave me some really sound financial advice." "Really?" "He may be our limo driver, but the man's a genius." "A very lonely genius." "It's been two hours now, and this is the first time" "Trevor has even acted like Cupid." "He's trying to match up the limo driver with the truck stop waitress." "By chemically removing his sex drive, and rendering him psychological malleable," "Thorax-B will end Trevor's psychotic delusions." "Of course recommitment to a secure psychiatric facility will be necessary." "On the basis of cold hard facts alone these actions may be indicated... but isn't that like using a hammer to swat flies?" "Whatever psychological trauma that caused this delusion in the first place will remain untreated." "As for doing harm to either himself or others, if a friendly exchange of phone numbers is cause for alarm then I guess this guy is dangerous." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, you guys finish breakfast, I'll be in the car, okay?" "What's up?" "Nothing." "I gotta..." "I'm gonna.." "That's a first." "What?" "The man almost looks mortal." "Why are you staring me down?" "Making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's crazy and nice." "I'm balancing my cheque book." "It's all the same to you." "People, numbers, columns." "You got the debit people and you got the credit people." "If you're slotted into the debit column, next thing you know, it's a foreclosure!" "You're not a real wiz in the financial department." "You're either a one or you're a zero." "Well listen, baby, you cannot slot me into a column!" "Did you get a letter from the IRS or something?" "There's something more to life than numbers!" "What if I'm a letter, you know?" "!" "What would you do without the twenty-four letters in the alphabet?" "!" "Twenty-six letters in the alphabet, Trevor." "There you go." "Who else would take the trouble of counting all the letters in the alphabet, except for the numbers lady!" "What got him going?" "The advent of a cashless economy." "Bit of advice." "Be a number, don't be a letter, because the alpha and the omega are losers in her world!" "Letters are losers?" "You're not a loser, Trevor." "If you were a loser, I would have already dated you." "That's the truth." "She would have." "Remember the drummer?" "He found the female orgasm unattractive." "And then there was the vegan folk singer who kept a strict accounting of who paid for what and he liked to settle weekly." "Don't forget about the promoter." "Oh yeah, he promoted himself to Svengali." "And then there was the manager who sold my car and then disappeared." "Jeez, talk about debits." "How did you end up with these guys?" "I don't know." "I think I was really impressed with the ease in which they could make me feel ordinary and undesirable." "So you wanted to prove to them that you were worthy of respect, their love?" "Yeah, if you can't get a neurotic loser to admire you, then you're really screwed." "Of course, you don't have to hang in for the long run with a guy." "It's doomed from the beginning." "It makes breaking up a lot easier." "If I ever found anyone worth the long run I'd hang in." "Well, sometimes you gotta give people a chance to show what they got inside." "Like you?" "Like Jackie Goodley." "You may find this hard to believe, but in junior high I was small for my age, uncoordinated and bad at sports." "And Jackie, she was shy." "She thought all the other girls were prettier than her." "Two misfits." "Of course we found each other." "Now, all Jackie wanted was to be Gladys Knight and all I wanted was for Jackie to be happy, so I was her Pip." "Now, it was my idea for her to audition for the school play, and guess what, she knocked 'em dead." "I nearly burst with pride." "She had the best voice in the whole school." "Only reason I auditioned was for moral support." "You got the part and Jackie didn't." "No, no, not at all." "We both got parts." "It was an exciting day." "That is the sweetest story" "Yeah, but..." "On behalf of all the women in the western hemisphere Champ - we are not worthy." "The point I was trying to make..." "On behalf of all the men - you suck." "Forget it." "Despite his increasing and obvious antagonism towards me, the subject has in no way indicated that he would, under any circumstances, place his perceived mission above the well being of the people he intends to help." "At this moment he is presenting himself as the rock star" "Dave Matthews to a group of very gullible locals." "Even in the throws of a delusion, Trevor is capable of discerning between fantasy and reality in day-to-day life." "Such a marked sense of fun is virtually unheard of in other cases of delusion." "What?" "!" "What is it?" "!" "My hair?" "!" "Maybe my shoes?" "!" "Are you gonna tell me people are like shoes in some way and in the kingdom of shoes the boot is king and it's my fault?" "!" "Nothing." "I've got butterflies." "Isn't that weird?" "Just to see this guy I knew when I was thirteen years old." "No." "Sophie you were robbed of your first kiss, the end of childish first love." "Excuse me, the first kiss is what slams the sucker into gear." "Hardly!" "When you're used to riding a tricycle it can be a little shocking the first time you pop the clutch on a Harley." "Back at camp, they had this midsummer dance." "I wanted to go with Mark, but he was, as usual, confined to his cabin." "If you don't watch out, you could get that lodged in your trachea and die." "I live on the edge, babe." "Thought you'd be at the soc-hop." "They were playing Kajagoogoo." "You like Kajagoogoo." "You don't." "It was a sweet, wonderful moment." "Pure romance." "I couldn't even feel my feet, we were floating." "We're talking about a tricycle here, no sign of a Harley, not even a moped." "Look, it was inevitable." "Our next kiss wasn't quite so nice." "So much for innocent romance." "Obviously Mark was getting advice from a drunken sailor." "It was all tongue and spit and grope." "It ruined everything." "It just freaked me out, you know." "We didn't speak for the rest of the camp." "That's too bad." "Yes and no." "It was also normal and healthy, because the pure childish first love I had already started to romanticise was placed into an earthier sexual context." "What, I mean, did he have a foot long forked tongue?" "What's the big deal?" "It was a little french kiss and a little minor groping." "It was a necessary right of passage, Trevor." "Okay?" "One that Sophie never got." "She needs it." "She still thinks of Paul as a pure romantic figure." "I guess it's possible." "We never got to the slimy stuff." "I got close once, though." "Forbidden territory, down by the tracks where the big kids went to fool around..." "Are you cold?" "I think Lister was as nervous as me." "Gill?" "Yeah?" "What if I kissed you?" "Would it be all right?" "I guess." "What?" "I don't think you're supposed to talk about it first." "It's just supposed to happen." "It was too soon after you asked me." "You have to sorta take me by surprise." "Paul, I hear my parents' car." "My dad grounded me for a month." "Still, it was almost the perfect romantic moment." "The best almost-kiss I ever didn't have." "Best almost-kiss I ever didn't have." "Maybe that's the point." "I'm pretty sure the real point is for the lips to make actual contact, so, go get him, tigress." "Oh come on." "As we all learned today, I still write about him." "I have all these memories." "They're perfect, you know?" "Claire, would it be crazy for me not to ruin all that." "Not at all." "Yeah." "It would be crazy." "Look, you can't leave without seeing this guy one more time." "Trevor, this trip was just for fun, man." "Snake farm." "Vipers, constrictors." "What do you say?" "If you get there before seven o'clock we can see an anaconda eat a whole pig." "Come on, let's smooth things out." "You're just a little scared." "Trevor, Sophie said she didn't want to do it." "You have no right to make her." "Oh really, Dr. Allen?" "Is that a policy you subscribe to?" "You don't want to force people into things, even for their own good?" "Is that your own personal belief?" "Look, fella, this is my decision." "Trevor, get back in the car." "You know what Claire, you get back in the car." "I got a job to do." "Let's see if you can go 5 minutes without working against me." "I'll time ya." "And you..." "What are you gonna do?" "Are you gonna stand there and flap your wings and bawk bawk like a chicken?" "Do something all the way for once, Sophie." "You want to do this, you really do." "I'd bet my life on it." "See this one thing through." "You satisfied?" "Six thirty eight, PM." "I'm sorry to say I can no longer, in good faith, state that Trevor is able to put innocent bystanders' interests ahead of his own." "Yeah?" "Gill?" "Lister?" "Oh my god, it's good to see you." "Me too, Gill, me too." "this is gonna sound really strange but, I have a big favour to ask you." "Yeah." "I need to place childish romanticism into an earthier context." "Kiss me" "Unless you're married or something." "I mean it's okay..." "Oh yeah!" "Oh yeah!" "Deities one, mortals nil!" "Don't stare directly into the source, folks." "You'll burn your retina." "I is the man!" "I is definitely the man!" "Well, technically I is the god." "But I is definitely the man!" "Hold it right there, sport." "State your business." "Who the hell wants to know?" "!" "The guy with the mouth sized bar of soap." "Look, Mr. Lister's my football coach." "We were gonna run some patterns." "I'm the quarterback for the Screaming Eagles." "Mr. Lister is indisposed right now, but you are in luck." "Many, many people have told me that I have great hands." "I am going to go deep." "You are going to launch it to me." "You could have done something to stop Trevor just now." "Maybe." "So why didn't you?" "Well, because maybe he had a point on some level." "What?" "To bully Sophie like that?" "Sophie has this thing about success, you know, about being happy." "Every time it gets close to her she dodges it." "I mean, if something good happens to a person you should accept it." "Be happy, not get all caught up in the what-ifs and what-abouts." "You know what all these first love stories have in common?" "They end unhappily." "Trevor, he's the lucky one." "He never had a first love." "Sure I got the lead in the play and all of a sudden I was Mr. Popular." "Probably because I dumped Jackie and started going out with my co-star." "Broke Jackie's heart." "I transferred the next year." "Never saw Jackie again." "Goodley." "There can't be too many of those in Chicago." "Oh no." "It's been too long." "Closure, it's not just for talk show guests anymore." "It almost looks the same." "Yeah." "I only took it over from my parents a few months ago." "They moved down to Florida." "So, what are you up to these days?" "I'm in the very glamorous world of social work." "That's cool." "I co-ordinate a job training program geared towards the homeless, ex-cons, welfare mothers." "Some pee wee football coaching on the side." "Can I show you something stupid?" ""Something stupid" isn't one of those nicknames a guy gives his..." "No." "'Cause it'd be a good one." "I'll keep that in mind." "You kept it all these years." "Weird, huh?" "Since I never thought I'd speak to you again." "You're not gonna believe this." "I never stopped wearing this." "Paul's locket?" "Paul's?" "!" "And you would be...?" "Oh god, Sophie, I thought you knew." "It's me, Brian." "Brian!" "The kid who was jealous of me for taking away his big brother?" "You got it backwards." "I wasn't jealous of you, I was jealous of..." "Paul." "And he didn't appreciate you like I did." "But..." "Look..." "Paul told everybody he was gonna kiss you." "I mean, he had bets on it." "The day after your family moved to Chicago," "Paul was moving in on Maureen McKeon." "And I found this on the washer machine." "The guy had forgotten to take it out of his pockets." "I doubt he ever thought about it again." "He was crazy about girls." "And you?" "I was crazy about girl." "Brian, we haven't seen each other in fifteen years." "I've seen you three times." "Road trips into the city when I heard you were playing." "You were great, by the way." "Brian." "Couldn't be more open here!" "Big man!" "Hey!" "Think coach is going to be okay?" "Yeah, he's gonna come out of it just fine." "I've seen what girls can do to guys." "Oh yeah?" "What can girls do to guys?" "Joe Marsh, fullback on our team, great player, at least he used to be." "You're way too young to give me the "girls are bad for your legs" speech." "How do they hurt your legs?" "Never mind." "What happened to Joe?" "Judy Ford happened." "Joe got real stupid." "Acted like he didn't like her, but everyone could tell he did" "How?" "Always trying to sit next to her." "Teasing her." "The dude even egged her house." "Ha ha." "Let's run some patterns." "I gotta go, man." "Oh!" "You want some o' this?" "!" "You don't want none o' this!" "Are those canary feathers sticking out of her mouth?" "So, could we just leave you here to rear children, darn socks and churn butter?" "Hell no." "I've got a record to cut in LA." "You're coming with us after that R-rated shadow puppet show?" "Claire, you were right about Paul." "I was?" "Yes." "Twice divorced, triple chinned." "He looked pretty good from where I was standing." "That was Brian, the pesky little brother." "Living proof that nice guys finish last." "Oh, well that's too bad." "No, you're not hearing me." "Nice guys..finish.." "last." "Ohhh." "Okay." "What's she talking about." "If you were a nice guy you'd know." "Come on you guys, let's hit the road." "I'm starved." "What about Brian?" "Brian has always wanted to visit Hollywood but it looks like the Screaming Eagles are going to the playoffs." "So..." "You're getting blown off for pee wee football?" "The kids are short, the season's short and he's worth the wait." "Happy ending." "Okay, that's funny." "Gonna read a magazine, huh?" "Pick a good one." "I'm just going to pretend to read." "The magazine just helps sell it." "Here's a good one." "It's got a quiz." ""How to know if you are a stick in the mud"." ""When riding in a limousine with your friends, you:" "A) flash passing truckers?" "B) run red lights and claim diplomatic immunity?" "or C)..."" ""read about the long term effects of NAFTA?"." "Hmmm." "What was "a" again?" "Number two. "When rewarding a guy who reunites sweethearts, you:" "A) give him a big warm hug?" "B) reduce him to a drooling zombie?"." "Trevor, what do you think you know?" "I know what I know." ""By chemically removing his sex drive, and rendering him psychological malleable," "Thorax-B will end Trevor's psychotic delusions." "Of course recommitment to a safe and secure psychiatric facility will be necessary."." "Is that why you've been acting this way?" "Well, call me sensitive." "I just figured if you saw me hook Lister and Sophie up, you would see what a crime against humanity it would be to lock me up." "So, you thought you had something to prove to me?" "You're kinda like my pet mental health professional." "If I can't impress you, the folks back home will shock me till my fillings glow." "I don't have any fillings, so that's just a metaphor." "So, your behaviour is completely based on what you over heard?" "Right?" "Yeah." "Hold this." "What are you smirking about, big man?" "Nothing." "Just because you tease someone, doesn't mean you like 'em." "Could mean you think they're just a big pain in the watoosie." "Whatever you say." "Isn't it really late?" "What do you think this is?" "Dallas Cowboy training camp?" "They sell eggs here." "I would like to believe you're not gonna send me to the funny farm, but how do I know that the men with the oversized butterfly nets are not waiting for me back in Chicago." "Trust me." "Trust you?" "You know that I trust you, Claire, but some people say that I suffer from delusions." "Greeley is probably right." "I've allowed my fondness for the patient to cloud my judgment." "His enduring faith in the power of love, his unsinkable zest for life, his raw optimism, in a cynical time Trevor Hale's philosophy is seductive and I'm not always immune." "Trevor Hale is delusional." "Of that I am certain." "It is a delusion that has no off switch." "It is reflexive and relentless." "I firmly believe that his dreams are of nymphs and satyrs." "Certainly our over riding goal must be to cure this patient." "To remove the block that prevents the real Trevor Hale from surfacing." "But using drugs to artificially strip Trevor of his Cupid façade without removing the blocks leaves us with nothing." "Neither the man he once was nor the roman god he claims to be." "This next song is a request." "Trevor, this is for you." "I used to be much cooler." "So, I met with Dr. Greeley today." "Sounds like the only thing standing between me and a rubber room is you." "Well the only thing standing between me and professional suicide is you." "Don't screw it up."