"(DOCTOR WHO THEME)" "Well, the cargo shuttle has arrived at last." "One must prepare oneself to encounter the aliens." "Reluctantly, one agrees." "Oh, dear." "Top of the bill, he says!" "Received like princes, he says!" "Now, Shirna, don't be so..." "The Scope!" "Come on." "Come on, give me a hand." "Careful now." "Please be careful." "Have a care with that." "It cost a lot of credit-bars." "Look out." "Here they come." "(ANXIOUS GRUNTING)" "No, no, no!" "Back!" "Back!" "Back!" "Back!" "Very good." "You have eradicated him." " He is merely unconscious." " But he will be disposed of?" "Naturally." "First his mental system will be subjected to analysis." "Of course." "Now one must deal with the aliens." "(WHOOSHING)" "There's no need for a test, Jo." "The air is perfectly..." "Phwoar!" "It smells." " That's odd." " Sort of farmy." "Yes." "Gaseous sulphides, low concentration." "Nothing to worry about." "Hey, Vorg." "Well, well, well." "We're getting a crowd." "Better start the pitch." " Here?" " No point in wasting any time." "Roll up, roll up, and see the monster show!" "A carnival of monsters all living in their natural habitat." "Wild in this little box." "A miracle of intra-galactic technology." "Roll up!" "Roll up!" "Roll..." "So those are Lurmans?" "The male is called Vorg, it seems." "The female, Shirna." "Ridiculous names." "At least their physiology is familiar." "One was afraid they'd have four heads." "That's why President Zarb decreed that Lurmans should be our first alien visitors." "No good can come from fraternising with inferior races." "Nevertheless, one has one's duty to perform - no matter how unpleasant." "One thinks one will wait for Pletrac." "He is chairman of this tribunal." "Let him do his duty." "(BEEPING)" "Vorg, look." "Oh, that's nothing." " I'm sure it's nothing." " It's a systems defect, isn't it?" "Just a loose connection." "Nothing of any importance." " A systems defect." " Of all the times to go wrong!" "The last time I was here the air was like wine." " Are you certain we are here?" " Where?" "Where you think we are." "Are you sure you can steer that Tardis properly?" "Jo, I don't steer the Tardis, I programme it." "This is Metebelis 3, the blue planet of the Acteon group..." "Listen." "(LOW RUMBLING)" "Extraordinary." "We appear to be in some kind of a machine." "Yes, and it's moving." "I can feel it." " Yes, you're right." "Come on." " Where are we going?" " To find out where we are." " I thought you knew." "Well, we may have overshot the blue planet, but we must be on one of the planets in the group." "(SCREECH)" " Doctor!" " What is it?" "There's something alive over there." "Let's take a look, shall we?" "Chickens." "Greetings!" " All right." "We're friends." " Try clucking." "Jo, when you've travelled as much as I have, you learn not to judge by appearances." "They look like chickens, but they may be the intelligent life form on this planet." "They not only look like chickens, they are chickens." "And what about this?" "Singapore." "The Acteon Galaxy, you said, Doctor?" " Oh, Jo, do come on." " Bye." " Hey..." " Sshh!" "It's just an ordinary ship." "Appearances can be very deceiving." "There's something wrong here." " We're still on Earth, aren't we?" " No, that's impossible." "Don't you ever admit you're wrong?" "No." "That's impossible, too." "Come on, but keep low." "(MAN) Splendid dinner." "Absolutely topping." "There's nothing like a good curry." " You say the cook's a Madrasi?" " I believe so, sir." "I find the Madrasis a bit idle." "Won't have them on the plantation." "But your fellow knows how to curry a chicken." "Sundowner?" " Not for me" " No, thank you, Daddy." " John and I want to take a turn around the deck." " Would you care to join us, sir?" "No, you two run along." "I'm going to do a spot of reading." "Determined to finish this before we reach Bombay." " How much have you got left?" " Only two chapters." "We'll see you later, then, sir." "Twenty times round the deck is a mile, so best feet forward." "(FAINT VOICES)" "I saw Lady Be Good four times." "Don't you think that American chap was marvellous?" "Fred Astaire." "(FAINT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS)" " There's only one explanation." " What's that?" "This isn't Earth." "It just looks like it." "All right, Doctor." "I'll convince you." "There." "Take a look at that." "1926." "Convinced?" " No." " Oh, Doctor, you're so stubborn." "You ought to have an L plate for that police box." "You don't know where you're going in it." " Come on, Jo." " Where to?" " Back to the Tardis." " What for?" "I don't know what's happening here, but I don't like it." "Why?" "I just want you to admit the truth." "Instead of landing in some distant galaxy, we've slipped back about 40 years to a cargo boat in the Indian Ocean." "(GROWLING AND SCREAMING)" " What?" " Something terrible is happening!" " What's going on?" " Some kind of monster." "What the deuce is it?" " A plesiosaurus." " What?" "It's incredible." "In 1926, the plesiosaurus had been extinct for 130 million years." "It's gone into the sea." "I'd better get a rifle." "It might attack again." "Look after Claire." "Of course." "I say, what a monstrous beast!" " It was awful, horrible." " There, there." "Come and sit down." "I've never seen anything like it." "I wonder if it'll come back." " Oh, no!" " You look as if you need a peg." "Might get a shot at the beast next time." "What a head, eh?" "Gad, I'd love to have that on the club wall." " Aah!" " Hello." "Hello." "Topping day, what?" "Just a minute." "Are you two passengers?" "Er, yes, but only temporarily." " What?" " He means only to Bombay." "I thought Claire and I were the only passengers." " Where did you come aboard?" " Port Said." "I don't understand." "Why haven't we met?" "Well, my uncle hasn't been terribly well." "Poor traveller?" "Not used to it, I suppose." " On the contrary..." " We've now got a four for Bridge." "Or would you prefer Mah Jong?" "Not a sign of the beast, Major." " Who are these people?" " Don't you know?" " They joined at Port Said." " Stowaways, eh?" " Stowaways!" " Where have you been hiding?" "You tell them, Uncle." "Another Functionary has dared to ascend to the higher level." "One witnessed the event." "One cannot understand why they do it." " But one is not a Functionary." " It is a growing problem." "As the official species, we must share President Zarb's concern." "They've no sense of responsibility." "They even store fossil fuel in hygiene chambers." "Let's have a drink and discuss this like civilised people." "Excellent idea." "I'll have..." "These people are stowaways, possibly even criminals, and they cannot give a satisfactory account of themselves." "Hang it, Andrews." "The fellow is a sahib." "This is not a social occasion, Major." "All right." "Have it your own way." "We could extend basic hospitality." "I'd like to extend the hospitality of your cabin." " What?" " Until the Captain can see them." "Very well." "You may certainly have my cabin." "Thank you, sir." "You two follow me." "You bring up the rear." "You see, I told you we should have left when I wanted to." " Here, Jo." "Look at this." " Come on, in here." "Any more of these about or is this the only one?" " What?" " These." " Is this the only one?" " There's nothing there." " You mean you can't see it?" " Get into this cabin!" "And you." "I've a crew of Lascars who try to make a fool of me." "They've never managed it and neither will you." "Don't underestimate us, sir." "Is this ship the SS Bernice?" "Are you pretending you didn't know that?" "I didn't, but I do now." "It makes everything much clearer." "Thank you." "All right." "I'm going to lock you in until the Captain can see you." "That might not be for a long time." "He's a busy man." " Doctor, what's clear?" " Hmm?" "You said everything seemed clearer." "Relatively speaking." "An extinct monster, that plate in the deck." "It's all most interesting." "Do you believe Andrews couldn't see it?" " What?" " The plate." "It's been blocked from his consciousness." "It's no part of the fabric of this ship." "It's very much a part of the ship." "A great lump of..." "A great lump of what?" "It's not steel, copper or iron." "That metal is unknown on Earth, Jo." "But we are on Earth." "We must be." "I mean, this ship, the people, the chickens!" "You're not going to tell me that Major Daly is an alien, are you?" " No." " Well, then?" "Oh, look." "Daly's been keeping track of the date." "I suppose the name of this ship means nothing to you?" "No." "Should it?" "In its time, the Bernice was as famous as the Marie Celeste." " What happened?" " Nobody knows." "A freak tidal wave was the popular explanation, although the ocean was as flat as a mill pond." " You mean, she sank?" " No." "She vanished." "Two days out from Bombay on June 4th 1926, the SS Bernice just disappeared off the face of the Earth." "Disappeared on June 4th...?" "June 4th?" "But according to that calendar, that's today." "Yes." "Intriguing, isn't it?" "Shall I tell you something else intriguing?" "When we came in here, that clock said 25 to eight." "Now look at it." "You've noticed that, have you?" "Well done." "Shall I tell you something you may not have noticed?" "It's broad daylight outside." "So?" "If it is after dinner and we are in the Indian Ocean, it should be pitch dark." "I don't get it." " Sonic screwdriver?" " No." "That's for electronic locks." "We need something primitive." " Skeleton keys?" " If only we had any." "Allow me, Doctor." "From your data discs, it appears you travel from planet to planet performing some ritual with this machine." "For what purpose?" "We are entertainers." "Entertainers?" "Explain the term." "We put on a show." "You understand?" "No." "Our purpose is simply to amuse." "Nothing serious." "Nothing political." "Amusement is prohibited." "It's purposeless." "Zarb may lift that restriction." "Violence amongst the Functionaries may be caused by lack of amusement." " Anti-productive legislation." " Where will it end?" "Ultimately the Functionaries will take over." "It is not the Functionaries who dream of power, Kalik." "One simply speaks one's thoughts." "They are as clear as your ambitions." " How dare...?" " Please!" "We must decide whether to grant these Lurmans an entrance visa." "Since their presence here is subversive, one moves to reject." " Opposed." " Supported." "Oh, very well." "Your application for a visa has been rejected." "You will be allotted space on the next cargo thruster." "But we spent our last credit-bar on the journey here!" "That was unwise." "Please, I have a document here micrographed by the Great Zarb." "If you will just consider it." "President Zarb?" "Wasn't the Great Zarb that Vallarian wrestler we met at the exhibition?" "You've got a nerve, Vorg, passing that off." " It slides open." " How does it work?" "Anti-magnetic cohesion, I think." " Never heard of it." " You wouldn't have." "You were born a thousand years too early." "I do love being with you." "You make me feel so young!" "Can you open it?" "Without a magnetic core extractor, no." "That's that, then, isn't it?" "On the contrary." "I have one in the Tardis." "I knew you wouldn't travel without one." "But there's one tiny little problem." " Getting to the Tardis?" " We have to go through the saloon." " They can only lock us up again." " True." " You say the cook's a Madrasi?" " I believe so, sir." "I find the Madrasis a bit idle." "Won't have them on the plantation." "But your fellow knows how to curry a chicken." "Sundowner?" " Not for me." " No, thank you, Daddy." " John and I want to take a turn around the deck." " Would you care to join us, sir?" "No, you two run along." "I'm going to do a spot of reading." "Determined to finish this before we reach Bombay." " How much have you got left?" " Only two chapters." "We'll see you later then, sir." "Twenty times round the deck is a mile, so best feet forward." "Doctor, they're saying exactly the same things as before." "Yes, I know." " But..." " Sshh!" "(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS)" "Really, I love musical plays." "I saw Lady Be Good four times." "Don't you think that American chap was marvellous?" "Fred Astaire." " Let's get out of here." " Hang on a minute, Jo." "If my theory's right, we should be getting confirmation soon." " What theory?" " About what's happening." "What is happening?" "It's like a stuck gramophone record." "Yes." "They've all been programmed to repeat a simple behaviour pattern." "And that monster - the plesiosaurus - that was programmed too?" "Probably." "It was from a different time." "There weren't any plesiosauruses in 1926." "Exactly." "Historically speaking, this collection is a bit of a jumble." "Do you mean that this ship is part of a collection?" "But it all seems so ordinary." "Think of boys collecting sea animals and putting them into a rock pool." "After a few moments, the animals behave quite normally and naturally." "It's only the boys looking down that see the change in the environment." "Yes, but human beings are slightly more intelligent than whelks." "And they were collected by something more than a bucket of water." "Everything is relative, Jo." "I'm sorry, Doctor." "I can't take it in." "Well, don't worry about it." "Stand by for blasting." " Wait a minute..." " Sshh!" "Right." "Go and hide." "(ROARING AND GROWLING)" "(SCREAMING)" " What?" " There's something dreadful!" " What's going on?" " Some kind of monster." "What the deuce is it?" "It's gone back in the sea." "I'd better get a rifle." "It might attack again." "Look after Claire." "Of course." "I say, what a monstrous beast!" " It was awful, horrible." " There, there." "Come and sit down." "I've never seen anything like it in my life." " I wonder if it'll come back." " Oh, no!" "You look as if you need a peg." "Might get a shot at the beast next time." "What a head, eh?" "By Gad, I'd love to have that on the club wall!" "Hang on." "I'll get the magnetic core extractor." "Doctor, do we have to stay here?" "Can't we just leave?" "Don't you want to know what's going on?" "Not much, no." "(CREAKING)" " Doctor..." " What?" " Doctor!" " What is it, Jo?"