"You know that kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonder why his life sucks?" "Well, that was me." "Everytime something good happend go me something bad was always waiting around in the corner" "Karma." "That was when I realize that i had to change." "So I mad a list of everything bad i've ever done and one by one i'm gonna make up for all my mistakes i'm just trying to be a better person." "transcrito e sincronizado por EUAMOBIGMAC number 203 on my list stole a very of snacks and drinks from a local quick stop" "of course that was before i turn my life around luckly randy had a stealing jacket and we had no problem sneaking the stuff back in" "all right i guess we can cross this one off hold on a second earl i've got to put this back on little hot dog ferry's wheel" "oh my god what'r you doing ?" "natalie top porter is over there who ?" "natalie top porter, number 84 about 7 years ago the crab shack was rented out for a biker party no one arrassed me at the door so i came in to learn new phase: open bar" "beer please make it two wanna ride ?" "i decided, that day in there, that i did in fact, wanna ride after what some might call a few too many beers we went back to her house and had a really good time in the dark" "and it got light - fast!" "wake up, sleepy head" "that was some costume party last night wasn' it ?" "what ?" "oh my god" "ops my temporary tatoo marked up on you wow i never brought a guy right home before - this is wild huh ?" "so what do you want to do today ?" "do you wanna go to the park ?" "oh my god - wouldn't be great:" "the farmer's market ?" "the who's what ?" "we were not cut from the same cloth but no matter how different we were there was one thing we both like" "besides i didn't wanna run out on her she has been hurt before this is ted, he left me for a stripper" "thats a lock of his hair that's a lock of my sisters hair ritch.. her xxx john even tough i took home a harley and ended up with a monopad i decided to give it a shot i mean, why not ?" "she was cute and had satellite that sent kung fu movies from space its a beautiful day out lets go for a hike oh i was just gonna watch this kung fu movie" "come on - please go for a hike with me ?" "i tried to seem interested on the same thing she was but it just didn't come natural look the infamamous tectoia wow look the size of that dog turd next to it" "she want me to do arts and crafts its called paper mache some how she figured out a way to make newspaper ever more boring oh look its one favourite xxxx xxxx stinky winky she even make me to go on picnics" "so we just sit here ?" "well we're gonna eat in a while what do we do until then ?" "just sit!" "talk... you know the past of days before i knew it we have been dating for a whole month when her parents came out to visit we all got our faces lasered on crystal i knew things were getting to serious... i had to get out.." "and i didn't want to hurt her feelings so i figured that was only one thing to do" "earl is dead he was lost at sea this is all they found of him i thought you'd want it" "i realize now that faking your own death to break up to someone is not exactly toughtful it's time to find a way to corss her off the list" "you look like that little monkey in et" "FAKE YOUR DEATH ?" "i didnt want hurt her feelings this woman is very fragile!" "i mean needy, cleanny and fragile here put some more baby's breath in there it fills in the gaps in neutral collor" "its funny how the brain sucks things up one summer randy work at a flourist for almost ten minutes you wanna put in some more babys breath." "it feels in the gaps in neutral color line." "mam - this vase is always gonna make that sound when im drying them ?" "the squeeking makes my toes hurt you can't just tell a girl you faked your own death to get away from her she will be devasted i have to tell her, its on my list i lied to her and the only way to cross it off" "is if i tell her the truth!" "so what is more important in your list or someone's feelings ?" "i don't know - my list ?" "no." "feelings!" "i bet it's feelings!" "look i have to tell her she almost saw me today and i'm not gonna hide in a refrigerator look earl if you really need to tell her at least, say because it's you say you weren't good enought for her" "thats another lie." "but its a good lie..." "..to protect her maybe your should listen to carolina shes a woman just like natalie they both woman, her and natalie you and i are men." "we're not women sometimes randy takes a long road to a simple thought." "you see, men are different than woman you and i think different than natalie and carolina cause we're man and they're women" "i'm right, right ?" "i'm not wrong am i wrong ?" "no." "RANDY'S LONG THOUGHT WAS RIGHT carolina seems to know a lot more about women than i did so I decided to take her advice" "surprise!" "wow that was just like in et when that little girl first saw that monkey" "you see, it wasn't you it was... it was me i pretended to be dead because i was afraid i wasn't good enought for you i mourned you for months!" "kept your shirt i even made a paper mache bust of you to wear it" "very nice - very detailed see - it was that kind of perfection in your life that made me feel inadequate" "it was that kind of perfection in your life that made him feel innadequate" "i just wish you'd said something why don't you just tell me ?" "i mean what does it say about me ?" "nothing - it doesn't say anything about you its not your fault you're perfect i'm the one. it was me." "sorry i'm late sweety i've hit the gym." "the fast train to ab town" "are you been robbed ?" "no!" "this is my ex-boyfriend earl." "the one with the stripper ?" "no, i'm the dead one." "are these candies free ?" "thanx for telling me the truth it really makes me feel better now i know that you're alive i just wanna make sure you were happy glad that you find dirk he seems perfect for you thanx- we only met 3 weeks ago" "but we just clicked!" "thats great - good for you well - i should a... oh wait a sec" "i want you to have this i'm glad you're not dead" "good bye you little fellow good bye natalie, thanx for making me" "all righty i see you later" "i was feeling pretty good about natalie and how we left things and the me made outta wet newspaper added a nice decorative touch to the room" "RANDY HAVE YOU SEEN THE PEN ?" "i need to cross natalie off my list no... carolina, how often do you clean the bread spreads ?" "i don't know i only worked here for a year" "derek is gone.... what ?" "derek is gone.... when we got natalie to calm down she explained something terrible happend to dirk" "the police found his car in the woods with a blind light and i think he might have been killed" "earl... wil she keep squeeking like that ?" "it makes my toes hurt." "sit here and try to calm down i'll get yourserlf a drink" "dirk ?" "don't tell me your hooker works here too you're supposed to be dead" "yeah i know." "thanx for the idea!" "boy - just in time i was about to build a newsack outta paper mache and hang myself at a picnic" "earl ?" "i just gonna go home it's probally best if I wait there in case the police call" "yeah that's probally a good idea" "i can' believe dirk faked his death too he got the idea from me that was why the karma did'n let me find a pen and cross her off..." "i'm not done." "are you gonna tell her that he's alive ?" "she thinks he's dead but he's not he's not dead, he's living he's alive he's not dead like she think he is i think i should tell her, right ?" "you can't tell a girl two different man faked their deaths to get away from her." "it will crush her spirit." "and what i'm supposed to do then, she's very upset." "she's been trough a lot... she thinks." "so be her friend, confort for her maybe if a man was nice for a change will build up her confidence trust me, i'm a woman she's right earl..." "she is a woman and we're men - remember how we talked about that yeah i got it randy thanx" "THE FIRST FEW DAYS I HANGED OUT WITH NATALIE all she did was to wait the phone to ring since i knew it wasn't gonna, i tought i should get her out of the house who's up for a hike ?" "come on you love hikes" "please go on a hike with me ?" "ok" "see ?" "hiking!" "this is fun i like going uphill i was thinking go uphill on our way back" "all i had to do is seem interested on the things she liked doing and she started to cheer up i can turn into arts and crafts i started to make you a magical fairy but i ended up with a magic clump" "thanx - its a very nice clump i name it now alexander alexander the clump or.. pepe." "how about pepe, the clump ?" "oh i don't get i, why pepe ?" "pepe is a name i think it's mexican" "yeah its mexican paper mache-ing turned into pic-nick-ing smells like feet but this cheese it's pretty damm good" "i love you what ?" "than our picnic somehow turned into a relationship i never wanted you to think you're not good enough for me again you're perfect for me my little butterfly flew away but he came back... he came back and like a butterfly i too was trapped" "but instead of a net i was caught by a crazy girl wiping her nose on me" "SHE TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME what ?" "i was nice to her like you told me to and she told me she loved me she even rubbed her nose against mine real soft... how's that feels like ?" "it tickled for a second but than it itched you must been too nice to her." "too nice ?" "you didn't tell me how nice to be you just told me to be nice." "she thinks we're back together." "hey earl is there a condom machine around here ?" "no, dirk hey what are these ?" "shower caps hey good work hey earl you want me to tell natalie you're dead again ?" "you can't do that what i'm supposed to do then, huh ?" "i mean i don't want to hurt her feelings but how i'm supposed to get rid of her ?" "she's been kicked around by men her whole life you have to give her the power let her break up with you she won't do that!" "thanks to you, i'm her nature hiking, paper macheing, soft nose rubbing butterfly, in shinning armor so change. be a bad boyfriend!" "bad boyfriend ?" "it's not that easy, being mean goes against everything i stand for these days." "hey carolina. the mouse catchers are full again" "I KNEW BEING A BAD GUY WAS GONNA BE HARD BUT since carolina said it for natalie's own good i gave it my all" "look at the pretty yellow flowers" "happy 4th july check it out i made your bust i added you a pound you're welcome." "excuse me" "honey do you think it might be better relieve yourself a little farther away from the blanket ?" "this poor girl was so insecure that wasn't anything she wouldn't put up with" "did you thow away my junk ?" "nothing worked catalina agreed to help me put an end into the whole thing once and for all" "COME IN oh yeah mama" "earl ?" "what's goin on ?" "i was just blowing off a lil steam having a good time can't a guy have a party around here without getting hassle ?" "get off my back you are right earl sorry for interrupting just have fun and call me when you done" "call me when you're done ?" "i'm in bed with another woman, don't you want slap me ?" "do you want me to ?" "natalie this is not working remember when i said it wasn't you it was me ?" "well it's not me, it's you it's all you earl... no, no, no i'm done listening to you you just as crazy as she is" "the truth is you're clinging you're a doormat, have no self respect that's why guys wanna leave you death to get away from you and that's why i'm trying to get you to break up with me now" "well maybe it is you because dirk didn't think i was a doormat he didn't wanna leave me he loved me for who i am" "hi earl are there no other motels in this town ?" "well that went well look i know i was hard on her but she needed to hear the truth and when she's over been upset it's gonna make her a better person for the rest of her life as it turned out, the rest of her life wasn't that long" "sadly, natalie's parents told me she was so destroyed over yet another relationship ending and that... she took her own life" "who's joke's on now earl hikie who's joke's on now ?" "me ?" "that's right!" "y-o-u how does it feel huh ?" "how does it feel to have someone dead ?" "crappy ?" "crappy is right!" "that's exactly how you made me feel earl twice." "it turned out that carolina and i were both kindda right by being honest with natalie i made her mad that anger gave her the idea to fake her death and by doing that she finally got to leave a relationship" "with the power that carolina said she needed." "nataline has finally stood up for herself and i admire her for that altough her parents had a different opnion you could've been at least told us you were faking" "it had to seem real mom" "she's alive clearly, natalie have finally found her backbone and as i hoped it caried it on past her funeral and for the rest of her life hey derek i'm still getting your mail" "it's from the clinic somebody got himself a std can't be all that... turn the page" "oh crap in shower camps ?" "her new found confidence even let her found a showcase of wet newspaper art in a public center" "and because i earned it karma let me finally find a pen" "it was nice to see nataline so happy wasn'it ?" "yeah i'm glad she's not dead anymore being dead is definitely is worse than being alive when you dead you can't do all cool the stuff you can do being alive you and i - we can do all kinds of cool stuff cause we are living" "we're not dead, we're alive as we were dead we wouldn't be able to do all the cool stuff we can do because we're alive dead people can't do cool stuff only people that are alive can do cool stuff" "'cause they're living and they're happy to be living 'cause they're able to do cool stuff you have to be alive" "yeah when you are alive, sometimes bad stuff happens too because sometimes you can get in a car wreck or can have a headache, or twist your ancle or even stub you big toe so being alive is kind of hard too but i think it's definitely better than being dead"