"IN THE GLOAMING" " Danny!" " Hi, Dad." "Well, come in." "It's so good to see you." "Janet!" "Guess who's here!" "Oh, my God!" "Your mother's been buzzing around all day." "She's..." "Well, you know her." "Danny!" "I can't believe it." "Your plane was early?" "That doesn't matter." "You're here." "That's all that counts." "Oh, it's so wonderful." "Well, I can't wait to hear about San Francisco and about the newspaper business." "Let's let him get settled in." "I fixed your room up just the way it was." " Great." " Your sister's coming over." "She can't wait to see you." "So, settle in and go on upstairs and see what I've done with your room." "Then come on down and we'll have a drink." "Thank you, Annie." " How is the lamb?" " It's delicious." "I always think food tastes so much better outside." "Absolutely." " Don't you like it, Danny?" " Of course he likes it." "Lamb's his favourite." "Isn't that right, Dan?" "Actually, I don't eat meat any more." "Really?" "Since when?" "It's been about three years now." "It's really good, Dad." "So how's the museum?" "It's the same, I guess." "We talk about movies incessantly and I try to impress them with all my knowledge but I know when they look at me, I'm sure they see just an ageing housewife." "She's one of the museum's most valuable assets." "That's only because they don't pay me." "Look at these." "I've got so many coming in I don't know what to do." "They're gorgeous." "I love fresh tomatoes." "That's good." "You can have them three times a day for the next month." "Did I tell you they're talking about Johnny skipping first grade?" "Johnny can already spell rhododendron." "That's good." "Could use another gardener in the family." "I wish you'd brought Johnny over to meet his uncle." "And Tim." "Tim's just been so swamped with work." "He took Johnny over to the site at Greenwich because they haven't spent a lot of time together lately." "Tell Danny about Tim's high-rise on Madison." "Do you have ten years?" "We've been so busy." "I feel bad that we never got a chance to go out to California to visit but, you know, between Tim's commissions and my job and the new house," "Johnny, you know..." "God, Danny, you really have to take all of those?" "Yup." "What do they do?" "Nothing, really." "Why don't we all go down to the bridge after supper?" "Wouldn't that be fun?" "Would you like that, Danny?" " Well..." " Well, I'm afraid I can't." "I have to prep a case." "Which reminds me, I've to call Colin." " That was great." " Thank you, darling." "I really have to be getting back myself." "But once again, Mom, it was wonderful." "Thank you so much." "Thank you." "Dan." " I'll call soon." "We'll have a real good visit." " OK." "OK." "All right, so, don't let Mom spoil you too much." "Danny?" "Do you want anything?" "No." "I was just..." "I was just remembering that when I was little, you told me that in Scotland this time of day was called the gloaming." " Do you remember that?" " Yeah." "It made the whole world look like the Highlands on a summer night." "As if the earth were covered with heather." "I can't believe you remember that conversation." "You were only six years old." "I've been remembering a lot lately." "But not talking a lot." "Well, I just don't have too much to say about tomatoes." "You could have said that." "I'm conserving my energy." "What else do you remember?" "Just little things." "I remember before I would go to sleep, you'd come in and sing to me." "It was nice." "Listen, Mom, there are still a few things I have to do." "I have to write a will." "Thank you." "What for?" "For not saying that there's plenty of time for that, or some similar hooey." "Well, you're welcome." "Is he sleeping?" "And?" "And what?" "He spoke to you, didn't he?" "Yes." " Yes, he did." " Finally." "He wants to write a will." "I don't think we have to worry about that." "No, I think he really wants to do something about it now." "I see." "Well, I suppose I can arrange it." "So you'll talk to him about it?" "Just get the specifics and I'll have Carla work it out." "All right." " Are you coming up?" " Yeah, in a minute." "What are you reading?" " What?" " Your book." "It's just a book about the great Italian directors and the places that inspired them, like Rome and Frascati, Venice and... it really makes me want to go there." "Well, I turned out all the lights." "Myrna seems nice." "I'm sure she is, but I must say, having a nurse around is rather like having another mother." " What do you say, Dan?" " I think we need some ice cream." " Danny?" " Sure." "No, after that dinner." "No, thank you." "I think what we need is some exercise." "Seems lately, that's all you do." "Well, it's good for the soul." "Yes, but surely there's some value in just sitting still." "The secret to life is activity, keeping busy." "Isn't that right, Dan?" "Time for your bronchial treatment." "Is this still your favourite time of day?" "Yes, I think it is." "Why do you like it?" "I don't know." "I think it's because everything seems to move more slowly." "Your grandfather used to call it fairy time." " Really?" "Was he gay?" " Danny." "He didn't mean that." " How do you know for sure?" " Stop it." "What else do you like?" "I don't know." "I guess I like all the ordinary things." "You know what I like." "No, I don't." "I like my floribunda over there." " Change the subject." " Just name one more thing you like." " Why do you want to know?" " I'm interested." "God, Danny, there's nothing interesting about me." " Why do you have to be so self-effacing?" " I'm not." "I'm just stating a fact." "I'm very average." "The only extraordinary thing about me was you." "Great." "Go ahead." "Flatter me." "Tell me how extraordinary I am." "No." "I don't want you to get a big head." "Well, I think you're anything but average." "What's wrong?" "It's just been a long time since anyone has complimented me." "May I?" "Sure." "Thought I'd bring some stuff down from your room." "Cheer things up a bit in here." "I'm fine, Dad, really." "How about that?" "It's just a bit cluttered in here, you know..." "Well, you were a hell of a tennis player, Danny." "Doubles championship two years in a row." "Seems like ancient history." " No, it isn't." " Well, I tried hard, Dad." "I tried real hard." "How about this picture of you and Gary Norwood, championships, senior year?" "I still play with his dad down the club." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Gary's the pro down there." "You ought to come down some time and see him." "I don't think so." " I thought you guys were close." " We were." "We were very close." "Well, how about over there?" "Sure." "OK." "So, you need anything?" "I mean, if you do, just give me a shout." "Great." "Thanks." "Don't tell your mother but I've got some doughnuts hidden in my desk." "OK." "Thanks." "Dad left pretty quickly after dinner." "I think he had an important phone call to make." "I don't think he likes to be around me much." " Danny, that's not true." " Mom, it is." "Poor Dad, he must hate all this." " He just wants you to get well." " Mom, he just wants all this to disappear." "He doesn't know me." "He doesn't have a clue as to who I am." "Well, you know what?" "It's his loss." "Thank you." "I think it's his loss in your case, too." " It's not all his fault, you know." " I know." "It takes two to tango." " Who are you talking about?" " You and Dad." "What about us?" "Well, you're totally unlike each other." "You don't communicate." " I never felt that you were really happy." " I think that's a bit of an exaggeration." " You met him at your coming out party." " I came out and went right back in again." " You were 18." " Yes." " Why did you marry him?" " We were wildly in love." "Really?" "What happened?" "What do you mean?" "I just don't see that much love between you." "I don't even really see a connection." "I know that it must seem at times that your father and I speak a different language." "Wait a minute." "I think that a large part of marriage is simply accepting each other." "I think a lot of it just boils down to sticking it out, going through it together." "Endurance." "Yes, endurance." "In the best sense of the word." "Well, Mom, I think life's too short." " I just think that's a load of crap." " Well, who are you to judge?" "Maybe it's a bit outside the range of your personal experience." "How much do you know about the range of my personal experience?" "What do I know?" "Come on." "Come on." "Twist his butt to the ground." "Yes." "What's your favourite holiday?" "Thanksgiving." "Me too." "Did you ever wonder why I stopped coming home?" "I don't know." "I guess I did." "I always missed you." "I guess I just assumed you were busy with your own life." "San Francisco's a long way away." "Do you remember Paul?" "Yes." "Your friend." "Your roommate." "My lover, Mom." "Well, I assumed." " Yes, but you never asked." " You never offered." " Don't ask." "Don't tell." " That's not fair." "Mom, why didn't you ever invite both of us for Thanksgiving?" "Well, I..." "If I'd known it had been that serious..." "What if I'd told you it had been that serious?" " I would like to think that..." " You're just rationalising it." "Danny, I have always accepted you." "Maybe you have but you just haven't participated." "I think the image of me and my lover spooning out cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving was just a little too much to bear." "It's a shame because he's a great guy and he would have made a good impression." "I'm sure he would have." "And you would have wowed him." "And Grandpa would have charmed the pants off him, no pun intended." "Anne and Tim would have bored him under the table." "We would have talked about that and laughed about it later." "Dad would have been charming, cheerful and..." "I always thought he and Paul would have gotten along pretty well." "They probably would have ended up working in the garden together." "I just wish I'd done a better job." "Could you possibly accept my apology?" "Mom, you make it sound so formal." "Well, I'm sorry." "It's OK." "Are you OK?" "I am a little cold." " I think we should go in." "OK?" " OK." "The four Thanksgivings before we broke up..." "Paul and I would get takeout Chinese and sit on the floor of our studio apartment and... just have a great time telling each other how lucky we were we didn't have to participate in boring family rituals." "Everybody rationalises." "It's just what happens when people don't tell each other the truth." "Hi." "Come on in." "It's fast." "I'm not surprised." "We had a long talk." "Well, I'll wake him later and give him his meds." "He really is your baby, isn't he?" "Yes." "He is." " Isn't there anything more we can do for him?" " Well, he's pretty comfortable now." "No, I mean I've read about new treatments." "New drugs." "This Dr Burman, does he really know what he's talking about?" "You know, his T-cell count is so low that no Dr Burman or anybody else can really save him." "So he's come home to die." "But we can't just let that happen." " He has a DNR." " What's that?" "Do Not Resuscitate." "So he's made his choice and the best thing you can do for him right now is love him." "Why don't you go ahead and touch him?" "I used to touch him." "You still can." "No, we do it with the wrist." "Like this." "Take your two fingers here." "That's right." "You feel it?" "Then..." "You take this." "You swab here." "And you attach it." "And don't be afraid because you won't hurt him." "Right." "Nice and tight." "Wonderful." "Put it down." "How long have you been a nurse?" "Seems like a thousand years." "I'm young and healthy" "And you've got charms lt'd merely be a sin not to have you in my arms" "I'm young and healthy" "And so are you" "When the moon is in the sky, tell me what am I to do..." " Mom?" " Annie, I didn't hear you come in." "It's so dark in here." "Did you see Danny?" "Yeah, he was sleeping." "God, Mom, I don't know how you do it." "It's such a gorgeous day." " Why aren't you at work?" " Well, I decided to take the day off." "I thought maybe we might tear into the city and have ourselves some lunch." "I don't know." " Where's Johnny?" " He's with the nanny." "So how about it?" "A nice long lunch, my treat." "You said you'd bring him to see Danny." " Mom..." " Why don't you go home and get him now?" "I thought we might spend the day together." "It'll do you good to get out of the house." "I'm fine." "I have so much to tell you." "Tim got a new project." "That's nice." "I overheard Linda talking about a promotion for me." "Well, congratulations." "That's lovely, darling." "So how about a girls' day out to celebrate?" "No, I don't think so." "Danny needs me." "Come on, Mom, it looks like everything's under control here." "Besides, Dad says..." "Your father doesn't know what he's talking about." "I would like to have a chance to talk to you." "I'm just a little worried." "Did your father put you up to this?" "No." "This was my idea." "He did mention you've been spending a lot of time..." " He's acting like a jealous husband." " Can you blame him?" " What is that supposed to mean?" " Nothing." "I need to check on Danny." " Can't the nurse do that?" " No, it's not the same." "There you go, Mom, taking care of Danny again." " You must be in seventh heaven." " Excuse me." "You and Danny, you always had that special relationship." "Yes?" " Never mind." " No." "What?" "Don't you think Dad might have felt a bit excluded?" " That is ridiculous." " I know I felt that way." " What?" " Well, it's true." " Why didn't you ever say anything?" " Danny was always your favourite." "Annie..." "I loved you both equally." "Why are you doing this now?" "Why didn't you say anything?" "We don't talk about those things in this family, because we never have." "Sweetie, if, in the past, I felt that Danny needed a little more attention than you or your father, there were reasons." "Please." "You know what your overattentions did to him." "What are you suggesting?" "I'm sorry." "Sorry." "I didn't come here to fight with you." " Really." "Mom?" " What?" "These are Xanax and if you want them..." "I don't need a tranquiliser, Anne." "I'm absolutely fine." " This was a mistake." " Wait, I need to know something." "Why didn't you bring Johnny over?" "Are you afraid?" "Do you think he'll catch something?" "It's funny." "I found myself being kind of careful with Johnny." "Pulling back a little bit so that I don't make the same mistake that you did." "Really?" "Then you might just re-examine your psychological sources, because now they think that it's genetic." "Isn't that convenient for you?" "Nothing's your fault." "What's this?" "I think it says something about Italy, doesn't it?" "Rome, Venice, Frascati." "Oh, Martin." "And a couple of days at the coast, too." "I can't possibly go away now." "Dr Burman said everything would be all right." "No, that's not the point." "Janet, I'm worried about you." "I think you need a break." "We both do." "I do not want to go away now." "Don't you remember our last vacation?" "We'd just end up staring at each other across some table in Positano." "Janet, you need to get away." "You are not yourself." " You've stopped going to work." " I'm a volunteer." " You hardly leave the house." " It never bothered you before." "I just wish you'd try harder with Danny." "I have." "He doesn't open up to me." "He never did." "You have never opened up to him." "I am so tired of trying to talk for the both of you and getting blamed for it." " Who's blaming you?" " For Christ's sake." "What's your favourite movie?" "Gosh, there's so many." "Your real favourite." "I don't know." "It keeps changing, it depends on what kind of stories make sense to me at the time, what stories speak to me." "OK." "Such as?" "Last year I was obsessed with movies about people going off to live in Africa and Australia." "Well, that's fairly self-explanatory." "How about now?" " No, you'll laugh at me." " I won't." " Yes, you will." " I won't." " What is it?" "Try me." " OK." "E.T." "See?" "Why on earth?" "Well, it's just about lost childhood." "So funny, so sad." "I think those are the best kind of movies, the kind that make you laugh and cry at the same time." " I'd like some of that, thank you." " Do you think it's wise?" "I really don't think it's going to make much difference." "You know what's really fun?" "When I really hate life, I love to watch violent action flicks." " I find them very punishing." " Is that why they're so compelling?" "I know at times I just love gore." "Although I'm absolutely disgusted with myself later for even being interested." "We should really think about when those times are." "It could help a lot." "When it comes down to it, I think I just like an old romantic comedy." "Me, too." "I just love romance." "You know, like the old MGM musicals." "But I hate sex scenes." " That's a big surprise." " No, not for the reason you think." "I know you see me as an old prude, but it's part of a mother's job to come across that way." "Though I do admit maybe I went a bit too far." "It's water under the bridge." "Go on about the sex." "I just think it's private." "I think directors are just showing off when they try to film a sex scene." "They're not trying to show us sex." "They're trying to show us they're not afraid to show us sex." "Like they're all thumbing their noses at their mothers." " You don't think so?" " At their mothers?" "I mean, I do." "I question their motives because personally I don't think sex can be portrayed." "I think the real sensations, the real emotions, go way beyond what can be put on film." "If you try to show only the mechanics, the effect is either clinical or what, pornographic." "And if you just try to show the intimacy... yuck." "I think the only sex that can be portrayed fairly well on film is bad sex." "Who wants to see that?" "Everybody's having bad sex of their own." " My God." " No, you know, I mean it." "It's like watching somebody going to the toilet." "My God, that's awful." "Now who's the prude?" "I never said I wasn't." "I think maybe we should change the subject." "Well, maybe we shouldn't." "You know, because I've been wondering... that side of your life, you know, was it satisfying for you?" "With Paul." "Don't tell me you're finally asking me about my sex life." "No, I'm asking about your love life." " My love life." " No, I'm serious." "Did you love?" "Were you loved in return?" "Yes." "Good." "Shucks, that was easy." "I'm getting very easy in my old age." "Really?" "Maybe you should let Dad in on that little secret." "Don't be fresh." " You started it." " Well, now I'm going to stop it." "I want you to sing to me." "Come on." "I'll tell Dad you got me drunk." "That's blackmail." "Yes." "Come on, Mom." "What do you want me to sing?" "You know." "You were so little when I used to sing that." "Please." "All right." "Oh, Danny boy" "The pipes, the pipes are calling" "From glen to glen" "And down the mountainside" "The summer's gone" "And all the roses fallen" "'Tis you, 'tis you" "Must go and I must bide" "But come ye back" "When summer's in the meadow" "Or when the valley's" "Hushed and white with snow" "'Tis I'll be here" "In sunlight or in shadow" "Oh, Danny boy, oh, Danny boy" "I love you so..." "So" "You were singing." "Yeah." "He likes it when I sing." "You haven't sung in years." "You're right." "Well." "I don't know." "I just think Anne's become such a hopeless yuppie." "I wonder what she'll wear to the funeral." "Something appropriate, I'm sure." "Yeah." "Martha Stewart has a chapter on that." "I'm sorry, but I'm just so mad at her right now, I could spit." "No spitting at my funeral." "I must say, she really does remind me of myself at that age." "I guess it has to be in... a church." "Well, I think so, but it's really up to you, sweetie." "Yeah." "Just keep it simple and no sermons." "No... lilies." "God forbid." "And have some decent music." "Such as?" "I had an idea, but I don't..." "I don't remember it now." "But just some good music." "Something dignified." "All right." "Here's the thing." "Just..." "Only call the people that I've put the mark down." "OK." "No gloaming." "Not tonight, sweetheart." "I'm sorry." "I want to go home." "You are home, darling." "I want to go home." "Oh, God." "Myrna!" "She's not here." "Martin!" "Martin, come quick." "He's coughing up blood." "I have to call the doctor." " He's what?" " He's coughing up blood." " I have to call the doctor." " What do we do?" "I don't know." "Just stay with him." "All right?" "Quick!" "Danny?" "I'm young and healthy" "And you've got charms" "It really is a sin not to have you in..." "Well, what did you want to be when you were little?" "Well, I was brought up to be a perfect wife and mother." "What did you... dream of being?" "A perfect wife and mother." "Don't make me laugh." "It hurts when I laugh." "OK." "Here you are." "Take a breath." "There you are." "OK." "OK?" "I miss Paul." "I'm sorry, sweetheart." "He just didn't have... the endurance." "In the best sense of the word." "It's here." "I remember your grandfather talking about it." "That time of longing between day and night." "That mystery." "He said it was the only hour you could see the face of God." "He at least was a good talker." "Why do you think Dad grows all those tomatoes when he... when he doesn't even eat them?" "I don't know." "I think he grows them for you." "Do you want to go in now?" "Danny?" "Take good care of yourself." "And, Paul, I was wondering whether you would consider staying overnight here, when you're in town." "Yes." "Well, we could have just a small family supper." "Good." "I think my husband would like to meet you as well." "All right." "Goodbye." "Did you speak with the funeral home?" "Yeah." "They..." "We need to finish making the arrangements." "I suppose he told you what he wanted." "Mostly." "He couldn't decide about the music." "I seem to remember he was quite fond of the bagpipes at your father's funeral." "Yeah." "Yes, I think he'd have liked that very much." "Would you please tell me what else my boy liked?" "I'm sorry." "In the gloaming" "Oh, my darling" "When the lights are dim and low" "And the quiet shadows falling" "Softly come and softly go" "When the winds are sobbing faintly" "With a gentle lull of woe" "Will you think of me" "And love me" "As you did once long ago" "In the gloaming, oh, my darling" "Think not bitterly of me" "Though I passed away in silence" "Left you lonely, set you free" "For my heart was crushed with longing" "What had been could never be" "It was best to leave you thus, dear" "Best for you" "And best for me"