"Previously on Californication..." "The Miss's caught me eating one of her chocolate bars out of the cleaning lady's vagina." "Hello, darling." "You fucking fuckface!" "I would like you to meet the poet and philosopher..." " Holy shit, that's Marilyn Manson" " Marilyn Manson." "We are talking about doing a duet together." "Maybe tour of the States." "That would be really something, right?" "I'm just here for the narcotics." " We're getting married!" " The Runkles!" "I'll fucking marry you Fuckers on stage at the Greek!" "Fuck Yeah, why not?" " You guys are coming on Tour, Right?" " What?" "We gotta keep writing this musical." "If we are not together, I don't expect you to have taken some vow of celibacy." "Karen, you want me not to see anybody else, just say the word." "I decided to go abroad, for an indeterminate amount of time." "I want to make a literary pilgrimage." "Watching her go, I don't know..." "It kinda feels like the end of something." "Makes you wonder if she was the only thing that was still keeping us together." "How can you even debate this shit?" "Go." "Hit the road, don't look back, you fucking idiot." "Right, what if..." "What if..." "You've lived your entire adult life according to "what if"." "What if the one you think is "the one" is not really "the one"?" "What if you shut your fucking piehole and pour me another drink?" "You came to see me." "Yeah, but I can't help where my dreams take me." "Yeah, but what do you dream about when you get there?" "That says a lot." "What the fuck is wrong with that ass?" "Nothing." "She's pretty amazing." "In some way, she's perfect for me." "The eternal dilemma, isn't it?" ""Home, sweet home" vs. "the wild cold world outside your door"." "You know which way you chosen, you died to regret it." "Says who?" "It's not even me talking." "You know that." "I just ask the questions." "Why are you so afraid to give up and let go?" "It's ok, Hank." "We tried and we failed." "It's not the end of the world." "But, if I gave up on us, what would I have left?" "The rest of your life." "Hank." "You OK?" "Just a wet dream" "Why on earth are you packing so early?" "Well, first of all, it's noon" "And second, I'm still leaving after the show tonight" "Which brings us to the real question" "Should I be packing for two?" "Cause I'm pretty sure" "I could fit in a multitude of black T-shirts and jeans and..." "Or I could be possibly persuaded to come back to bed" "And postpone packing" "Be more persuasive" "Are you pushing my head now?" " Oh my god!" " Just a little bit." "And..." "I'm hard!" "Thanks, Hanky." "Let me check.." "You're a liar." "And I love you for it." "That's hardly appropriate." "Sorry, naughty smurf." "She's not married yet." "Are you sure you wanna go through with this?" " Why are you trying to talk her out of it?" " Yeah, why you be trying to talk me out of it?" "Charlie and Marcy Runkle are the Fred and Ethel Mertz of our time" "They belongs together." "That's right." "And if you'll excuse me," "Ethel has to make yellow while Lucy and Ricky discuss their issues and what not." "So I've..." "I've a chance to go with Atticus on the road." " Yeah?" " And I thought maybe..." "You would wanna talk about it, talk, I don't know." "I shouldn't even factor into your decision" "But you do, you always do." "Well..." "Hank, what do you want me to do?" "I mean... to say:" ""Oh, please, stay!"" "Let's live happily ever after" "I can't do that." "Do you want my permission?" "I mean, you're a big boy." "You're gonna make your own decision about it, anyways." "Besides, I..." "I thought you're in a relationship with someone." "Well, maybe that's what's good for you then, like a non-relationship relationship." "Cause you have a hard time functioning within the confines of a traditional one." "Well, it was never anything traditional about us" "Have you heard from our literary pilgrim?" "No, only what she puts up on Instagram." "What's Instagram?" "Ok, you guys working shit out?" "You back together?" "I guess not." "Ok, here's the deal:" "Me and CW Runks are gonna do this thing." "And do you know why?" " No, why?" " Because we're gonna be fucking happy." " And you know why?" " Why?" "Because it's better than being fucking miserable all the time." "This whole time we've been out here it's been like a midlife crisis roller coaster ride." "And it's fucking over!" "Now." "So let's all just live happily ever after." "Ok?" "Good?" "It's settled?" "Good!" "What's going on?" "Atticus's had to sell the plane to fund the tour" "And the record company ain't giving him the kind of support they used to." "And no thanks to that nutjob missus of his, he's having some serious cash flow problems." "We're back to touring by bus." " Where is that fucking ginger?" " He's in the bedroom." "He wants to talk with someone who understands what it's like to live with heartbreak" "I told him, you know, I've got lots of experience, but no, he doesn't care, he wants you." "Hey Atticus!" "What's up rock star?" "I can't play the gig tonight, Hank." "Why is that?" "I went home this morning, and got down on bended knee, and asked Natalie to take me back." "And she told me to fuck off." "She's really done with me, which is understandable given my behavior." "But I've never done an opening night without a good luck kiss from her." "Back in the early day, she used to give me this really comprehensive blow job, like balls and all, you know?" "Although, I was usually too wired to come." "That's a cute story, buddy." "But I'm afraid the big rock show must go on" "But I haven't been on a bus in well over 10 years." "It's so embarrassingly bargain basement." "Are you kidding?" "That bus out there, that's beautiful." "That bus." " Really, you like it?" " Yes, I love it." "It's bad ass." " It's cool?" " It's so cool." "It's like a land airplane" "It's gas friendly, eco-friendly" "You'll probably get an award for that shit." " How do you do it, Hank?" " Do what?" "The woman that you love is out there and you know you can't have her." "How do you even get up in the morning?" "Booze is always helpful" "So is the art." "Everything that I write is either for her, or about her, so" "I'm with her, even when I'm not, in my writing." "That's very moving, Hank." " Don't cry!" " Why?" "It's unbecoming." "You said something moving, why shouldn't I cry?" "What about your aussie blockiness?" "Or your British stiff upper lip." "Whatever the fuck you are." "I think you should come on tour with me, Hank." "I feel like if we finish our master piece, our rock opera about love," "maybe we'll both end up with the girl" "I'll think about it." "In the meantime." "Are you ready to rock out, or do you cock out?" "I'll admit this is pretty cool." "It's like Disneyland every day" "Yeah." "Without the morbidly obese running around in scooters" "Even the concept of time is different, you know, it's rock and roll fucking summer camp forever." " It's got to end at some point, doesn't it?" " Says who?" "All roads lead back home eventually" "Sounds like a Country song" "Hey." "You're Faith, right?" "Yeah, that's me." "I'm Vince, from Mysstery." "Two s's." "We're opening the show tonight" "Well..." "Hey, Vince from Mistery with to s's" " Good luck up there." " Cool, thanks." "I'm wondering if maybe you want to come hang on our bus" "It's the one that says "Cat Club"" "We call it that because chicks who want to come on we ask them to pee on this litter box we keep by the front door" "This way we know for sure that they're willing to party" "I'm free, I got a full bladder." "I don't think you'd have to do that, though because you're pretty famous" "Thanks for the preferential treatment and all, no thanks" "What?" "We're not big enough for the legendary Faith?" "No, no, it's not like that at all" "But if you're gonna be a dick about it, I can just come clean" "You're just not really that talented" "I've heard your album and it's really shitty mall metal" "So, if I were you, I would just quit now and maybe Hot Topic will hire you back this summer" "Wow, you're kind of a bitch!" "Hey, watch your manners, son." "That's no way to talk to a lady." "Fuck off, dad." "You know what this calls for?" "Titty twister!" "Good evening, Los Angeles!" "You wanted the best?" "Well I got stuck in the traffic coming on the fucking hill." "From London, England, by way of Mars" "The Bacardi Concert series presents:" "Atticus Fucking-Fetch!" "Good luck out there." "Not that you need it." "You're a fucking rock star" "A long way from church, eh?" "Are you kidding me?" "Do you, bald fucking wanker, take this sexy little tree stump to be your immortal beloved?" "I most certainly do." "Do!" "Right." "And do you, delicious little spinner with whom I have shared a sexual encounter which will sustain me well into my golden years, take this... sweaty hairless pinhead to be the very last sexual parter of you entire life?" "Jesus!" "..." "Well, when you put it like that..." "Let's do(ce) it." "I do(ce) it." "Good." "Let's get on with it." "By the power vested on me by the Sun Kill Moon ministry of Northern California" "I now pronounce you wife and man" "Now, while we're here, does anyone else feel like getting wedded on this glorious, glorious LA evening?" "Anyone?" "Anyone?" "Karen" "Karen, be with me." "Spend the rest of your life with this fool, and this fool will spend the rest of his life making sure you don't regret it" "What do you say, babe?" " Say Yes!" " Will you be my wife?" "Come on!" "Say yes!" "No?" "Nobody?" "Really?" "No?" "Then get the fuck off my stage." "Be gone, all of you!" "I wrote this next song for my wife, Natalie in hope that she'll forgive me although if she did, I'll probably just bugger it up all over again" "But tonight I'm gonna play it for my good friend and collaborator" "Hank Moody." "Who knows a thing or two about heart break himself" " Wait, you look familiar." " Hank Moody" " Come on" " Manson" "Thank you for coming to my fucking mother show" "Hi, Brian." "Actually, I'm surprised that you came" "I just want to make it clear, I was just fucking with you." "I would not give drugs to your daughter." "Because I need them for later." "But wait." "How is the kid?" " She's great." " Good, good." "Would you get her to send me the picture of me tea-bagging Atticus?" " Will do" " Because I want to put that on my Facebook" "Will do" "And if you guys aren't together I would pee in your butt" "What?" "!" "It's Becca." " Hey sweetie" " Hi, dad" " How's the road treating you?" " It's so beautiful out here, dad." "I'm having the time of my life" " And tomorrow we leave for Europe" " Glad to hear it" " Are you happy, Dad?" " That's a loaded question" "I was just thinking about what I want for all the people in my life" "And I realized that I just wanted you to be happy" "I want to see you smile and know you mean it" " are you high right now?" " Significantly" "We just smoked some killer weed." "Of course you did" "Be careful" "And have fun, just not too much" "Don't worry, dad" "All roads lead back home" "That sounds like a Country song" " I love you, dad" " I love you too, sweetie" "Would you do me a favor and send Manson that photo of him tea-bagging Atticus" "Ok, will do" "Ok, sweetie, I love you" "I'm coming with you" "That makes me so very happy" "Good for you, man." "You made the right decision" "Besides, even if you actually had the balls to do it, and she actually said yes" " what would you have done?" " I would've married her right then and there." "And then, what?" "You would have fucked like rabbits for a couple days, you would have had some sweet little pillow talk, and then one day she would ask you to go to Home Depot with her." "Party is over" "You know, you talk a good game, but I was with you when you died and you were about to do it." "You were gonna take one last shot at the love of your life, buddy." "Sure, I would have given it a try." "Maybe I could even got her back in the sack again." "But eventually, you get out of bed." "You're still you." "All the problems you've ever had, they're still there." "So you're just supposed to give up?" "It's not about giving up." "It's about letting go." "Finally accepting who you are." "Guess who" "God, I can't wait for her to die and come down" "Karen?" "Karen!" "You have to go, don't you?" "Yeah, I do." "I'm sorry, I do." "Don't be." "You just don't know what you're gonna be missing." "I do." "That's what makes it is so hard." " I could love you, you know." " Faith..." "I'm..." "I'm not saying that I do." "I'm saying that I could." "Which is rare for me, and deserves to be acknowledged" "You understand me, better than any guy I've ever met" "You get me." "And that has been the nicest feeling" "I'm just saying." "And I'm just saying that you're pretty fucking amazing." "And I hope you find what you're looking for out here." "I hope you find what you're looking for out back there" "I'll even say a prayer for you." "Just not a very big one" " I hate saying goodbye to you" " Then don't" "You know what?" "The great thing about never really being together:" "never really have to break up" "Hank, get the fuck out of here" "Before I wrap my legs around you and convince you to stay." "And you know I can do it." "What is this?" "Wow what?" " What's going on?" " Hank's got to go" "He's got to see a horse about a girl" "Is this about following your bliss?" "That what we were talking about in bed yesterday?" " Is it about love?" " It is" "Then you must go." "I can't turn the bus around, but I can send an emissary." "Sorry, crying again." "Don't be sorry." "It's unbecoming." "All right, you." "Go." "My work here is done." "I really see to you happily ever after" "I know he means a great deal to you, as he does to me." "And I just want you to know that I'm here for you, if you need me" "Emotionally, spiritually, and obviously sexually." "Thank you, Atticus" "I'm serious, darling." "Sometimes and orgasm can relieve heartache" "I've done a lot of research in the area" "Can I at least get a good luck kiss?" "I do have a gig tonight, you know." "I'm a bit nervous" "I know you're not one for emoting, Krull, but thank you" "I had a girl once love of my life she was" "Fucked it up, of course." "I thought there'd be time." "Turns out, it's just roads" "Long and paved potholes" "I read that once in a book." "Go and get her, pal"