"Season 5 Episode 4" "A Taste of Freedom" "Freedom freedom freedom, oy!" "There's no denying it." "The future's crazy!" "Oh well, don't wanna stand out!" "Freedom freedom freedom, oy!" "There's nothing crazy about it." "It's just Freedom Day!" "So, what is Freedom Day?" "Sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product." "No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day!" "If you want to do something, you do it!" "And to splick with the consequences!" "You know, like how I live every day!" "Happy Freedom Day!" "I think my wrist is broken." "Of course it wouldn't be Freedom Day without the traditional Freedom Tub!" "How big!" "Mmm!" "That'll feel nice on my shattered bones!" "Wow!" "Nude hot-tubbing?" "That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day!" "Then consider the following lecture a bonus!" "On Earth, freedom is a given" "But on my planet we have to suffer for it." "Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor!" "If you want your parents to roll over in their graves!" "Sure." "You can vote for Shkinadel." "If you want there should be a recession!" "Sure." "You can go to medical school." "If you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!" "That's why I love Earth!" "You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty." "because no one cares!" "We're not listening!" "That's what I'm talking about!" "Freedom freedom freedom, oy!" "Scuse me, comin' through, freedom train arriving on track 1." "Ow!" "You broke my foot!" "Freedom!" "What's this next float Linda?" "Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero..." "Zapp Branigan." "Happy Freedom Day ladies!" "Come on, let loose and show me something!" "Anything!" "Seriously, I'd take an armpit." "Thank you Linda!" "You're welcome!" "OK Morbo, now it's your turn." "If that is your Freedom Day wish." "Thank you Secretary Of Transportation." "My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom..." "it's almost sickening." "We're free to choose which hand our sex monitoring chip is implanted in." "And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend the weekend with the pain monster." "See you April 15th folks!" "Cue the fireworks guys." "Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by..." "Shankman's Rubbing Compound." "When something needs rubbing, think Shankman." "It costs a little more but it's worth it!" "Our planet has been through so much this past year:" "Wars, droughts, impeachments!" "But we've never lost our sense of what's truly important:" "The great taste of Charleston Chew!" "And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag..."Old Freebie!"" "I'm swelling with patriotic mucus!" "In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms!" "Anyone who laughs is a Communist!" "Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there." "It's gone!" "Yes fellow patriots, I ate your flag!" "And I did it with pride." "For to express oneself with doing a thing is the very essence of Freedom Day!" "Bless this planet and all it's wonderful people!" "Kill him!" "Kill the traitor!" "Hey it's the guy who desecrated our flag!" "Stop that red menace!" "I'm all scuttled out!" "My planet's embassy?" "They'd pay to not kill me!" "." "I thought I understood this world." "I thought I was fitting in." "But I guess I don't belong on here anymore than I belong on our crappy home planet." "Oups!" "Sorry." "What sorry?" "Our planet stinks, we all know it!" "Enough with the persecution I'm seeing, Zoidberg." "As Ambassador I promise you the full support of our government already!" "Poor boy." "You want maybe a nice mug coco?" "Ambassador Moyvan, you and your staff are so kind." "I'm truly humbled." "What no marshmellows?" "Let's storm the place!" "Without my prior knowledge." "Comin' through, freedom train, step aside, you too fatso, freedom!" "Cool your jells Nixon." "You wouldn't like it that Dr Zoidberg desecrated the flag." "You might even find the image of it festering in his bowels somehow offensive." "But the right to freedom expression is guaranteed by the Earth constitution." "Maybe so." "But I know a place where the constitution doesn't mean squat." "The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth vs Zoidberg." "Sock it to 'em!" "2, 4, 6, 8, eating the flag is bad" "Now your noose knot has exactly 7 twists." "You can eat my dog, you can eat my truck, but you eat my flag and you're out of luck!" "She's waving proud around the world from Dallas to Fort Worth." "Let me say it again :" "Don't mess with Earth!" "They sure hate Dr Zoidberg." "Posers." "I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool!" "Where are we ever going to find a lawyer to take his case?" "I'll ask the head of the ACLU." "Once he's done singing." "Don't mess with Earth." "Kill Zoidberg!" "Goodnight!" "Howdy there!" "I'm a lawyer!" "And I'd like to help your friend out of his pickle." "Who are you old man?" "Name's Old Man Waterfall!" "But most folks just call me "Old Man"" "I'll never remember that!" "I'm a veteran of three dozen hunts." "Name any part of the planet," "I've taken a bullet in it, on it." "All to keep our flag flying free." "And you wanna defend Zoidberg?" "Are you familiar with the old robot saying "Does Not Compute?"" "Sir to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it!" "The sparks keep me warm." "I don't condone what Dr Zoidberg did but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it." "Or I would if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails on Mars and Saturn respectively." "Wait." "You're a lawyer?" "You're hired!" "Are you OK there in the embassy Zoidberg?" "No." "There's no coco marshmellows." "And every night the rats eat a little more of my foot." "All rise for the Honorable Chief Justice Murder Thru and the associate justices." "Counsel you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if you're ready." "I was hatched ready!" "Honourable judge heads, yonder crawdad done ate up our flag." "I was doing freedom of speech." "Earth's most sacred right." "Your honour, freedom of speech applies to what comes out of a mouth." "Not what goes in." "Can counsel cite president?" "Uh yes darling I can." "In State Of Alabama vs Giant Space Iguana chewing the corners off the constituter was deemed "non-protective speech."" "He shut you up O'Connor!" "Mr Waterfall." "You may now present arguments on behalf of Dr Zoidberg." "Oh God I'm nervous." "Two of my three hearts are having attacks." "Court's kind of fun when it's not my ass on the line!" "Nachos?" "Oh Atlantic Ocean!" "Your Honours." "I'm not some slick big city lawyer like my opponent here." "But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet" "You see this hand of mine?" "Yes I do." "No you don't ." "Cos I lost my real hand planting the flag when we took back Halley's Comet!" "Yet it was worth it." "So much do I love that flag." "I love it even more than I love my seven wives." "That's right, I'm a polygamist." "Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope to hoist a flag made of my own skin." "If it would protect the freedoms of the proud people who salute that flag!" "Freedoms such as polygamy." "I rest my case." "Oh jeez!" "The justices and I will now confer using high-speed telepathy." "By a vote of six to three we find that flag eating is not protected by the constitution." "Six to three?" "How big this spread." "The court orders an immediate public apology." "Apology accepted." "Just don't let it happen again." "She means you ya turkey out the sea!" "Me?" "Apologize?" "Never!" "I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom." "But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson!" "So do your worst." "Because no punishment could be bigger than denying me my freedom." "You are hereby sentenced to death." "Wait, let me finish!" "Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court find polygamy constitutonal." "I can't wait to tell my husband!" "Remember men, take him alive so there's something left to kill!" "Stay back!" "This embassy is sand and mud, of the mud planet Decapod 10!" "Invading these mud premises is an act of war!" "Yeah?" "Well what are you going to do about it shrimpy?" "You wanna see Mister Big-Shot?" "Attack Earth." "Yes I know its a schlep just do it!" "Now the rubber band's on the other claw!" "Ready?" "Retreat!" "Deny my freedom will you?" "Well we'll do to you what we did the Squash Men of the Squash Planet!" "Squish them!" "Charleston Chew?" "You bet!" "Alright Kif!" "Lets show these freaks what a bloated, runaway military budget can do!" "Bring me the activation codes for our global defence network." "Aye aye sir." "Commence lip identification scan." "No tongue!" "We can't be too careful with these codes." "Rumour has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship." "I'm watching you!" "You ensign, what's your name?" "Hugh Man sir!" "Hugh Man?" "Now that's a name I can trust." "Run down to the central battle computer and enter these codes." "Um, sir?" "There's something about that ensign that's..." "You're damn right there is!" "That strapping young lad's gunning for your job!" "And he just might get it!" "The enemy approaches!" "Lieutenant, fire missile one and recommend me for another medal!" "Make it gaudy, I'm going clubbing later!" "Tick tock!" "Sir, all planetary defences have been disabled!" "Perhaps the Decapodians aquired our secret codes." "Somehow." "Well Kif, stand by to take the blame." "Steady, steady..." "Now!" "Dr Zoidberg." "How can you claim to love freedom and then enslave all of Earth?" "Your planet doesn't deserve freedom until it learns what it is to not have freedom!" "It's a lesson I say." "What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow?" "None of your beeswax slave!" "You'll find out soon enough." "Just focus on globbing that mud!" "I'm no good at being a slave." "I'm thinking about Graduate School." "You know?" "To become a barber?" "This can't go on." "Today is the day we fight back!" "It's already 10 o'clock!" "Oh right!" "Tomorrow is the day we fight back." "Yeah?" "Well good luck sister." "All our modern technology is useless." "I know I am." "Hey wait, I'm having one of those things." "You know, a headache with pictures!" "An idea?" "Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy all-digital weapons." "We still managed to kill each other just fine." "Ah the crossbow." "A pitiless, elegant killing machine." "The Bender of the 15th century." "Not big enough." "We need something that can take out an entire army." "Something you could commit a war crime with..." "Earth's slaves, behold the fruit of your labours!" "The Mobile Oppression Palace!" "Neat!" "I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive." "But with the Mobile Oppression Palace our dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day." "Warships, dismissed!" "Do your worst you sea devils!" "I'll make my stand with Old Freebie." "You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!" "Argh!" "My spirit!" "Great Grandpa no!" "Another victim of the meno-centric male-ocracy." "Ambassador Moyvan, you killed my lawyer!" "You're welcome!" "He defended my freedom when no one else would." "He was a good and honourable man." "I request a Satanic funeral." "Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression is shmutzing up our freedom lesson?" "Ah take a pill Zoidberg." "Begin again with the crushing!" "You haven't won yet Moyvan!" "You wouldn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile!" "I don't even know you!" "Oh it's gonna make such a mess!" "This is your secret plan?" "Heat-seeking missiles are useless against the Mobile Oppression Palace." "All Decapodian technology is cold blooded like us!" "All eyes on Zoidberg!" "Hey I need that to smoke!" "Zoidberg how could you?" "I used to think you were cool." "Wait, people of Earth listen." "Yes I'm desecrating a flag but to preserve the freedom it represents!" "Zoidberg you set us free!" "I feel like I could stand to hug you!" "I can't but you know what I'm trying to say." "Ah, if only they appreciated freedom this much on my home planet!" "Wait a second!" "They do!" "Because this is my home planet!" "And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner:" "Dr John Zoidberg!" "You're a nice man Nixon!" "Dr Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite of the flag for tomorrow's papers?" "Oh I couldn't." "No no no, go ahead." "You've earned it!" "Well, maybe just a taste." "Mmm!" "Now that's a grand old flag!" "I wonder what the Shroud Of Turin tastes like?"