"to a dreadful dynasy of vicious vampire ducks." "The Counts of Duckula!" "Legend has it that these fowl beings can be destroyed... by a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight." "This does not suffice, however... for they may be brought back to life... by means of a sacred rite... that can be performed once a century... when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius!" " Batswing blood." " I'll get it!" "The latest reincarnation did not run according to plan." "Ooh!" "In the heart of Transylvania" "In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah" "There's not a vampire zanier than" "Duckula" "He won't bite beast or man" "'Cause he's a vegetarian" "And things never run to plan for" "Duckula" "If you're lookin' for some fun" "You can always count upon" "The wild and wacky one they call" "Duckula" "Heh heh!" "Count Duckula!" "Heh heh heh!" "On the dark Arctic seas... a lone ship battles against blizzards... but on board is one who will freeze your blood... faster than any icy wind." "Yes, it is Count Duckula... on a strange and sinister quest." "A life on the ocean wave..." "Cheer up, Igor... at least you've got my singing to keep your spirits up." "Come on, Igor, you're supposed to be looking for the castle." "Any sign of it yet?" "No, sir." "Nothing but icebergs, sir... and the sea going up and down... up and down and up and--Ohh..." "Well, according to my calculations... it must be somewhere in, um... about, ooh, this part of the world here." "Now, really, Igor..." "I don't know how you could just lose a castle." "Me, sir?" "I hardly think I'm to blame." "You were the one" "All right, all right, I must have set it off... but you must have left off the safey catch." "Me, sir?" "Oh, no, sir." "I was doing something dastardly with sulfur in the cellar." "It was probably Nanny and her" "Oh, yes, it's very easy to blame poor Nanny." "Actually, sir, it is very easy to blame Nanny." "Well, let's do that, then." "Nanny!" "Nanny!" "Ooh, I'll be glad to get back to our nice kitchen at home." "How can you make a cup of tea... in a silly little kitchen like that?" "Well, Nanny, if you hadn't lost the castle" "Me, lost the castle?" "You see, she admits it." "Oh, dear, I'm sorry, Master Duckula." "Er, how did I do that?" "Never mind, Nanny." "The point is we've got to find it soon!" "I suppose we're lucky to have found this ship so quickly." "Quite so, sir, but I must say..." "I don't like the look of the crew." "I don't like the smell of them, either." "I bet they've never heard of soap." "'Course I've heard of soap." "I eats a bar a week whether I needs it or not." "Har har!" "Har har!" "Well, Captain, it's a fine day... to be a-searching for a castle.." "har har, so on and...." "Ahar, it be that, sir." "Me and the crew here are just itching... to get to our destination." "That's probably because of those woolly jerseys you're wearing." "Look--look--look here, Captain... the master has cleverly worked out... where we can find Castle Duckula." "Yes, by my calculations, it should be just here." "But that be the South Seas, sir." "There be nothing but water down there, sir." "Arr, mile upon mile of water." "A man can go mad down there, sir." "Mad, I tell ye!" "Ha ha!" "Mad!" "Well, you must have been down there quite a bit." "Here, anyone who talks to my captain like that..." "I bites their heads off." "Ha ha!" "A man after my own heart." "Aye, and anything else I can get me teeth into." "Oh, glad to see you two are getting on." "Now, Captain, are we on course?" "Is the ship all shipshape?" "All hands ready for inspection?" "That's right, Duckyboos." "See they've got nice clean fingernails." "Quiet, Nanny." "Let's get on with the search for Castle Duckula." "Aye-aye, sir." "Ooh, but, Ducky darling, if we just wait...." "Nanny, for the last time, do be quiet." "Oh, all right, you know best." "Don't wait for the castle to return on its own... and don't say I didn't" "Right, lads, there's seafaring work to do." "Ahem." "Pull in the wimbrel sheets!" "Bind the after pussocks!" "Ho to your left side!" "Splice the midships!" "Batten the foredecks!" "Here..." "Yes?" "Do you mind, shipmate?" "I'm the captain." "Oh, aye-aye then, Captain." "I'll--I'll just go below... and see all the charts are, you know, properly charted." "This is the life, Igor... the deep waves and the smell of the spray." "It sounds more like a cheap hairdresser's to me, sir." "Ha ha!" "What do you say, Mr. Igor?" "Shall we give the crew a taste of the cat?" "Unless they're vegetarian... and then we'll give them a taste of the celery." "Ha ha!" "I feel a keelhauling would be diverting, sir." "I'll get the captain and arrange one, Igor." "Mind you, hauling a keel through this rough sea... might be a little tricky, don't you think?" "Quite so, sir." "Cooee!" "Ducky darling!" "Ooh!" "Look what Nanny's got for you!" "Wow-wowie!" "Nanny, that's fantastic." "Make a great chandelier." "Where did you get it?" "Down at the blunt end, my love." "Oh, well, thank you, Nanny." "Here, hey, wait a second." "Haven't I seen this before?" "More than likely, sir." "It's the ship's wheel." "Ship's wheel?" "I didn't know ships had wheels." "The ship's wheel?" "The ship's whe" "Then...what's steering the ship?" "I would hazard a guess, sir, the whims of the tides." "The whims of the..." "What?" "!" "Then anything could be happening up there." "We could be going in entirely the wrong direction or anything!" "Exactly so, sir." "Uh, well--well--uh..." "In that case-- in that case--Ahem." "Fine." "As leader of this expedition, I, Count Duckula... of no fixed address at this exact moment... must make a decision." "It is my duy to decide what we should do next." "Right, I've made a decision." "Listen to me, you two." "I know what we should do." "Yes?" "What would that be, sir?" "Obvious to me... we should panic!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Right!" "Listen to me, you sons of naughy penguins." "This here expedition ain't to find no castle... you mark my nasy words." "This here duck is after treasure buried in the South Seas." "What do we do then, Captain?" "Well, this here's my revolting plan." "Are we going to bite their heads off?" "No, we're not, you horrible mate, you." "We're going to capture that soft duck and all his friends... and dump them on a desert island... then the map'll be all ours... and we can keep the treasure for ourselves." "Oh, and then we divide it fifty-fifty, right?" "Right!" "Fifty for you lot and fifty for me." "Arr, that's the way to do it!" "Three cheers for the captain!" "Not only have I got the most motliest crew anywhere..." "I've got the most stupididest, too." "Captain, Captain, yours be a good plan... but how are we going to capture this here bunch of idiots?" "We bites their heads off and ties them up." "For the last time, Mr. Mate, if we bites their heads off... they won't be able to tell us where the map is, will they?" "Well, maybe we could bite the bits that don't talk." "Ah, quiet!" "Let me think." "We've got to capture them by stealth and cunning." "We can't expect them to rush up here... and give themselves up." "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Captain, help!" "Help!" "We're in your hands!" "Well, well." "Life's full of little surprises, innit?" "The ship's adrift!" "We'll crash into an iceberg!" "Save us!" "Save us!" "We'll all die!" "Don't overdo it, sir." "Captain, I believe you've mislaid this." "Well, shiver me timbers, you've nicked the wheel!" "That's a ying up and chucking over the side offense, that is." "Ah, but you can't do that!" "Can he, Igor?" "It does seem a little excessive, sir." "Silence!" "Tie them to the yardarm, men." "Uh, we ain't got a yardarm, Captain." "I ate it last week." "Well, what have we got, then?" "We got a comfy sofa." "I can't say, "Tie 'em to the comfy sofa."" "There's nothing else, Captain." "Oh, all right." "Tie 'em to the comfy sofa!" "Go and fetch the map, Mr. Mate." "And then it's off to find the treasure." "You know, Dimitri, I get very nervous at sea." "Don't worry, Sviatislav." "We're only two miles from land." "Oh, only two miles." "Yeah, straight down." "Island on the port bow, sir!" "Ahar!" "Ahar!" "A beautiful tropical island covered in snow." "This is where you be getting off, me hearties... you and your comfy sofa." "Captain!" "Captain!" "Think again!" "You can't maroon us like this... with no food, no water, and just a comfy sofa." "I've never heard of anything so cruel." "Oh, I'm sure I could think of something more cruel, sir." "Quiet, you two!" "Or I'll have you minced and served up for tea." "No, it's too late to try to be nice to us now, Captain." "That's it, lads." "Throw them overboard." "You rats!" "You weasels!" "You skunks!" "You...you..." "Giraffes!" "Yes, you giraffes!" "Giraffes?" "!" "Oh, sir, in your father's day..." "I would have been ordered to have them hung, drawn... quartered, squeezed, drilled, plugged, thumped, starched... ironed, wrapped, and sent parcel post." "Ooh, Mr. Igor, you and your games." "Come on now, what we all need is a nice cup of tea." "Oh, yes, and a plate of cucumber sandwiches, too, I suppose." "Oh, dear, I don't think I've got any of those, sir." "Will cheese and pickle do?" "Now, all we have to do is light the stove." "Allow me, Nanny." "Hmm." "Now that's impressive." "Piy we haven't got any crumpets." "Ooh, Nanny's got one of those, I'm sure." "Ha ha!" "Here." "No, Nanny, I said crumpet, not trumpet." "Don't forget, sir... with Nanny, the ears are willing but the brain is weak." "Ooh, silly old Nanny." "Fancy making that mistake." "Oh, here we are!" "Some nice hot muffins." "You'll have to put the jam on yourselves, though." "Excuse me, sir." "Hmm?" "Yeah?" "Ahem." "What is it, Igor?" "We appear to have visitors, sir." "We appear to have real visitors." "Oh, just when we're having tea." "Well, tell them to wait in the librar..." "Visitors?" "Ahem." "Heh heh heh." "Um, would you like a muffin?" "It's a book." "Film?" "It appears, sir--ls it history?" "Uh, frozen mice?" "Sounds like ice." "It appears, milord, that these gentlemen discovered... the North Pole a thousand years ago." "The ice has preserved them." "And good old Nanny's tea revived them." "It has a qualiy that would wake the dead, sir." "Oh, thank you, Mr. Igor." "It seems they want us to follow them, sir... and they'd like us to bring the teapot." "Oh." "Follow them where?" "There--there's nowhere to go!" "This island's shrinking!" "Gracious, that stove thing, it's melting the ice." "Help!" "Help!" "Quick, Igor, do something!" "Nanny, have you packed the master's tuxedo?" "What?" "We're about to drown and you're looking for my tuxedo?" "At least you'll drown like a gentleman, sir." "Now, who is that tap dancing on my roof?" "Hmm." "Tsk." "Huh." "Gee, no peace und quiet, not even at the North Pole." "Ah!" "Oh!" "Now my sonar wampire radar is telling me... a wampire castle nearby is." "An Eskimo wampire?" "Oh!" "Von Goosewing, you're a genius." "Thank you." "That's perfectly all right." "And good-looking, too." "Oh, you're too kind." "Oh, if only all people were as nice as I am to me." "Now then...." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Duckula!" "It is Count Duckula himself!" "Full speed ahead!" "Now to get rid of him once and forever!" "Wow, look at those icicles." "Not much use here, Duckyboos." "Their handlebars would get all frozen up." "Icicles, Nanny, icicles, not bicycles." "Excuse me, milord, it's time for Norse charades again." "It appears, sir..." "All right, all right, Igor." "I can see what he wants." "The Duckulas aren't short of a bit of brain power, you know." "Nanny, the teapot." "Yes, my little ducky dear." "A fresh pot a-coming up." "A-ha!" "So-so!" "At last I am free!" "At last I am free!" "Somehow I get the feeling... we should have left her in the icepack." "Tell me, little yellow nose... how can I reward you... for my freedom?" "Ahem." "Well, if it's not too much trouble... you could help us find those mutinous penguins... and get our charts back." "Men of the North, away, away!" "We must find those penguins!" "I hope we don't have to" "Sorry." "I hope we don't have to put up with this... for the rest of the day." "Take the longboat from the freezer!" "Look, straight ahead!" "It's the pirate penguins!" "Row faster, you lazy lubbers!" "We must get that map back." "Hurdy-gurdy lazy lubbers!" "Captain!" "Captain!" "There's a Viking boat coming up fast behind us." "Vikings?" "Give 'em a taste of our cannon fire!" "Oh, that's not fair, Captain!" "You said I could be the first to taste that." "Get on with it, Mr. Mate." "Fire across their bows." "Aah!" "They're firing at us!" "Igor, what shall we do?" "Take out some insurance, sir." "Oh, I'll protect my little Duckyboos, don't worry." "I'll give those naughy penguins what for." "Nanny's quite right, sir." "We must stand and fight for the honor of the Duckulas." "This is no time for cowardice." "Just tell me when it is time, Igor, and I'll come back." "Avast there, you lubbers." "Go away, or we'll blow you out of the water." "Do your worst, vermin!" "That's Captain Vermin to you!" "Right, men, load up and prepare to fire another salvo." "Wax your spigots!" "Lengthen your fergling irons!" "Prepare to bite their heads off!" "Shut up, Mr. Mate, and prepare to let loose grapeshot!" "Captain?" "Aye?" "Why don't we use pineapples?" "They'd hurt more than grapes." "Ah, excuse me, have any of you gentlemen seen a wampire castle?" "It's sort of big und sinister... und it has the little turrets... with the cute little windows that" "Aah!" "Gee!" "I was only a polite question asking." "Quick!" "Here's our chance to escape." "Jump, Nanny!" "Igor!" "Hijacked by a wampire duck!" "Oh, my reputation will be in tatters!" "Wherever that might be." "I'll get you yet, Count Duckula!" "If'n I could just get to the controls." "Your threats are futile, Dr. Von Goosewing." "Just get your finger out of my ear, would you?" "If you take your foot out of my nose..." "I'll take my finger out of your ear." "Ooh, look!" "That's just like our dining room." "Hmm." "Must be the heat sending her crazy." "Nanny, you don't find dining rooms underwater." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "It is our dining room." "And now we're in the librarary." "We've found Castle Duckula!" "Thank you for the assistance, Dr. Von Goosewing." "You've made this old flunky very happy." "Oh, look what you've done to my wampireometer." "It's squished to little pieces." "Oh!" "Just wait till it's fixed and I'll..." "I get the lot of you!" "Uh-oh." "Look, we're not out of trouble yet, Igor." "Things look decidedly grim this way too, sir." "Oh, Igor!" "Nanny!" "This is it!" "The end of the line." "The last of the Duckulas meets his end in the icy wastes." "Ah, not quite the end, sir." "Saved by the bell, sir." "Or should that be the cuckoo?" "Boy, what about that?" "The luck of the Duckulas." "Whew!" "We got away just in time." "It's like I was trying to say to you, Duckyboos... back on the pirate ship." "Ooh, we didn't have to go all the way to the North Pole... and fight all those nasy penguins and all." "Oh, Nanny, we had to get the castle back." "It won't just come back on its own, you know." "It" "Oh, no." "Of course." "What an idiot." "It always comes back on its own." "At dawn, Eastern Transylvania Standard time, sir." "Nanny, I apologize." "You were right all along." "You tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen." "Oh, no, Duckyboos." "You're clever, really." "We all know that." "Oh, do you really think so?" "Oh, yes, sir." "Oh, yes, sir." "Oh." "Then let's celebrate me having brains... and getting us home safe and sound." "Hooray and up she rises!" "So, as night settles on Castle Duckula... we leave it once again with its petrified peasants... cringing at the bottom of the hill... and with a warning to you all." "Never go out at night with a duck call." "You never know who might answer." "Good night out there, whatever you are." "If you're feeling..." "Or you're kind of..." "Could be you've met up with" "Duckula" "If your knees go..." "And your teeth go..." "Maybe you've bumped into" "Duckula" "He flies through the night" "Looking for a bite" "But he's back home by daylight" "Duckula" "If you're sort of..." "Or you're a little..." "It's certain you've run into" "Duckula" "If your heart goes..." "Or your mind goes..." "Man, you had a brush with" "Duckula" "So watch out for the..." "Beware of the..." "And pray you'll never meet with" "Duckula" "Count Duckula"