"Get off me!" "Get off me now!" "I ain't even done nothing!" "Get off me!" "Get off me!" "Get off!" "Get off me!" "Stay there!" "Oi!" " I'm sorry, Dave." " Nah, never mind, mate." " It's just when I think about it..." " It gets to you." "Of course, it all comes back." "No, I'm sorry." "I'm fine, I'm fine." "You've been through a lot, Ken, but you've come through it, mate." "I've learned a lot, too, about the world..." "How unfair it is." "Unequal, huh!" "But I've learned to accept it, too." "I'm not so bottled up with anger..." "I've sort of... exorcised something." " I'm more at peace, if that's not too soppy." " Not soppy at all, mate." "I envy you that." "But there are one or two things I'm not clear on." " You don't mind, do you?" " Not at all." "You deserve to know." "You were affected as much as anybody." "Well, only in a small way." "Until it happened, I had no idea the company was in as much trouble as it presumably was." "But that's the thing, Dave, we were doing all right." "We would have weathered the storm." "If it hadn't been for the bank." "The bank!" "Blasted bank!" "I suppose it all started when I was in hospital that time." "Christine was in charge." "I was calling daily." " Ken." " How are you, Linda?" " All right, thank you." " Everything seemed OK." "In fact, despite the operation, I was rather enjoying myself." "It was a break..." "A break from stress and pressure." "I felt better than I had for years." "Brian Balfour's first 12 months as head of National Allied Bank have been anything but uneventful." "At the shareholders meeting today, he faced his critics and laid out his plans for the future." "No one regrets branch closures and redundancies more than me." "But if we are to take the bank forward through the 21st century with the service standards and profitability we have achieved in the past, we have to face up to reality and make some tough choices." "The savings made will naturally be passed on to the customers." "Bollocks, they wi ll." "They'll just go to increasing your profits and the value of your shares." "Make me laugh." "Grendle  Co." "Oh, hello, Ken, how are you?" " I'm all right, thanks." " Are you feeling better?" "Yeah, thanks." "I'll be out tomorrow or the day after." " Seen your consultant, then?" " Said everything's going very well." " Keeping yourself amused?" " I'm just looking at the chairman of our bank." " What's wrong with him?" " Not in here!" "On the telly." " What's that music?" " Just holding for the other line." "How are we doing?" "Well, the Unverdale order will be ready end of the week." "That's good." "And what about the milking valves for Broutaby Fleat?" "Jim called this morning." "They're altering the design, so we can't start yet." "Oh, sod, we could have done with that." " When can we start?" " Not for a few weeks." "I don't know if you heard, Eastern Livestock Engineering, they've gone bust." "You're kidding!" "Poor old Jack." " How much did they owe us?" " 12 grand in all." "They haven't paid any bills for weeks." "They're in receivership." " We might get something." " But when?" "That's bad news." "Don't worry about it." "Concentrate on getting well." "This other call's come through." "No, before you..." " We regret..." " Hello?" "Oh currently busy with other callers." "Your call is important to us and is held in a queue." " Please continue to hold..." " Come on, you bastards!" " Storm clouds were gathering." " About to piss down in more ways than one." " Welcome back, Ken." " On your toes, boys, the boss is back!" " All right, Barry?" " Guv." "Dave." " He's back." " Ken!" "How lovely to see you." " How are you feeling?" " All right." " Good." " Everything OK?" "Yes, on the whole." "You need to have a look at that." ""It has come to our attention that..."" " Overdraft?" " I've been trying to get through to them for days." " Days!" "When did this come?" " Friday." " Friday!" "Why didn't you tell me?" "Christine!" " You were in hospital, Ken!" "I was going to ask the bank to hold off until you got back to work." "I never got through to anyone." "You're holding for hours with that "music" and then when you do get through, nobody knows and you go from one to another and you get cut off and have to start the whole thing over again!" " What about this, look!" "E. M. Rainer." " Doesn't exist." " What?" " There's no such person." "The bank makes names up so you think you're dealt with by an individual." " No one has to take direct responsibility." " I don't understand why you didn't tell me!" "They're threatening to call in the overdraft, for God's sake." "Do you know what that means?" "It'd be devastating!" "We couldn't operate!" "I know, Ken, but maybe..." " We've always had an overdraft!" " We're over the limit." "But this...!" "Shit!" "Look at these emergency interest rates." "It's extortion!" "All right, all right." " Got a cigarette?" " What did the doctor say?" "Just give me a cigarette." "Cheers." "I want to know why we're so far over the limit." "Get Ivan in." "Tell him to bring the books and all the statements." " We must be putting something in." " Not enough." "I've only been gone three weeks." "The bank wasn't sending this stuff before." "Maybe we've gone over a certain level." " Hello." "Ivan, please." " It's that Balfour." " Who?" " Brian Balfour, chairman of the bank." " Yes, I'll hold." " What's that he said?" ""We are pursuing a prudent and pragmatic financial policy."" "Which means they're coming down hard on everyone, screwing people." " Ms. Rosser's not here just now." " I need to talk to her urgently." " About a very disturbing letter." " Can I help?" "I'd rather talk to an adult." " I'm Assistant Senior Customer Care Advisor." " Jesus wept." "Look, no offence, Perry, but I need to talk to somebody in authority, the most senior member of the branch - Ms. Rosser." " She's not here." " Yes, you said." " Can I make an appointment to see her?" " Bear with me." "I'll just fetch her diary." "I'm sorry if you haven't been paid but why should that affect us?" "I'm not going to argue." "I need payment by the end of the week." "Yeah, you tell him." "Thank you and goodbye." "For God's sake." "You'd think it was her money!" "Bloody account assistants!" " 58,472." " There you go, 60 grand." "If they all paid, we'd have 60 grand." "That would sort the overdraft." " It wouldn't clear it." " But we'd be back within our limit." " Get the bank off our backs." " I know, Ken, but..." "We've got all these bills to pay, all long overdue and more than 60,000." " Who owes us the most?" " Broutaby Fleat, nearly 40,000." "But we've got all this stuff to do now." "VAT..." "National Insurance..." "Inland Revenue." "We must get those cheques off." "We wouldn't want them bouncing." "Stakeholder pensions still need sorting." "Health and Safety Audit to be actioned." "EC Directive on Pipe Bores, and on Metal Content in Hydraulic Couplings for Food Use." "EC Directive on Sustainable Packaging." "District Council Notification for Noise Emission on the Ventilation Plant and the Export Licensing of Agricultural Machinery." "Mr. Grendle, you clearly have something of a cash-flow problem." "Things have been difficult for farming and livestock industries all over." "A company like ours who services them, you suffer a knock-on effect." "Talk to us." "We have specialist advisors who can work out a recovery package." "Do you think it's helpful charging extortionate fees and interest rates?" "You charge 20 quid every time you write to me!" "Overdraft charges are set out in our tariff." "All customers are made aware of them." " I can let you have a copy..." " I know what you're charging!" "My point is... it's just adding to our problems." "Mr. Grendle, the bank authorises an overdraft limit based upon our assessment of your account." "If you exceed it, we must be able to impose some sort of penalty." "Otherwise borrowing would escalate unchecked." "You'd rather see companies go under than forgo your penalties?" "We have no interest in seeing companies fail, so we try and help out as far as we can." "But we must apply our terms and conditions equally to all." "It's only fair." "Mr. Grendle, as important as all this is to you, you are one of many." "The bank has to take a wider view." "We cannot permit your borrowing to escalate unchecked." "You'll need to get within your overdraft limit and then we'll reduce that limit to what we consider to be a manageable level." "I'd like you to come back at the end of next week so we can assess the progress." " Or else?" " Or else she can freeze the account." "Stop anything going out until we've cleared the overdraft fully." " We couldn't even pay the wages?" "!" " We couldn't even pay the milkman." " They can't just do that, can they?" " They do it every day, Christine." "How are you getting on chasing up those invoices?" "They're promising to pay as soon as possible but our suppliers are demanding the same of us." "Some are even threatening to get nasty." "I'll talk to Jim Broutaby." "He owes us the most." "I'll tell him he's got to pay." "Nice piece, isn't it, Ken?" "One of our best sellers, the old Mark 7." "They go to abattoirs and vets all over the world." "Civilised worlds, you know, wherever animals are dispatched humanely." " We don't make any components for this, do we?" " No, that's all in-house, Ken." "High-end engineering, real craftsmanship." "So the foot-and-mouth cull didn't do you any harm?" "Well, I like to think we played our part, Ken." "Reliability, that's what you need." "One of those beauties'll get through dozens of cattle an hour." "The Kalashnikov of humane dispatches." "It's all about positioning, really." "In the right hands death is instantaneous and guaranteed." "In the wrong hands... messy." " So, Ken, business a bit slack, is it?" " I wouldn't say that." "We're doing pretty well, all things considered." "Then why are you after me for money, mate?" "We'll pay." "We always have done." "Nobody pays their invoices on time, Ken." "We all like to build a little bit of "wait" into our cash flow." "Yeah, well, you see..." "I've got this special project and I need finance, and the money you owe us would be useful." "Special project, eh?" "Far be it from me to stand in the way of progress, Ken, but unlike you, we do have a bit of a cash-flow problem." "Many of our end users are farmers, so we've lost business in the last couple of years." " Are you saying you can't pay?" " No, not at all." "We'll pay." "It's just that I wouldn't mind, say... another week." "We've got this big order, the milking valves." "Soon as the revised design is through, then that's supposedly coming your way, mate." "I wouldn't have thought it would be in your best interests to refuse my little request." " It's only a week, isn't it?" " Did he pay?" "You're jumping ahead a bit there." "We spent a week desperately trying to get some money in," " While stopping too much going out." " Not easy." "We were already sitting on final demands for the electricity and gas." "I told the leasing company to take away some equipment and cancelled orders for materials." "I should have seen it." "I was still drumming up new business." " Morning, Ken." "Stitches out yet?" " Dave." "No." "Good news." "I'd have called last night but I'd totally lost the power of speech by 6.30." "I've got us a meeting with Greenfield Technology." "They make air-conditioning plant and stuff." "This could be big." "They want a new supplier for widgets to be custom-made." " We're in the frame for the contract." " What sort of widgets?" "Widgets for air-conditioning machines." "We can do that, can't we?" "We've got to." "Could be a big contract." "Totally unconnected with farming." "Yeah." "Yeah, could be interesting." "People are always gonna need air conditioning." "Global warming." "In my heart of hearts I knew it was the end." " I could smell death in the air." " The abattoir down the road?" "The company... my company..." "Dave, I really appreciate what you tried to do." "You worked hard for that opportunity, but... we were already holed below the water." "I spent night after night trying to figure a way out." "In the end, I knew it would be drastic measures." "I wanted to have a chat with you over a drink rather than in the office." " Too formal." " I've an awful feeling I know what's coming." "I don't know what you've picked up, but strictly between you and me, we've got serious problems and not entirely of our own making." "The bank are being complete bastards." "Unreasonable, inflexible, uncontactable." "I suspect I'm going to be the first casualty of this war." " Sorry, mate." " It's all right." "Last in first out." " Some have been there for years, got families." " Good of you to look at it like that." "Didn't seem fair for you to keep on doing work and probably not get paid." "Thanks, mate, but..." "I'll be all right." "I always float to the surface like a turd in a pisspot." "You always had a way with words." "Listen, Dave, I'm really sorry about it." "You were just the first of many." "Mind you, they were all very good about it." "Except one... there was just one person who didn't quite get it." "The bank just has to give you time to get in all the money you're owed." "They think they've given me plenty of time already." "They can't just freeze your account, close you down!" " They haven't got that power!" " Course they have." " Total power." "They can do what they want." " It's your money." "But it isn't!" "That's the point." "I haven't got any money in the bank." "An overdraft means you have to borrow money from them so you can operate your account." " It's not right." "They shouldn't be doing this." " You tell them, Audrey." "Give them the benefit of the financial expertise you've picked up at the old folks' home." " It's a senior citizens' care centre." " I'm beginning to feel it." "Pressure... right there... pressing down on me." "Like one of Broutaby's humane dispatches before they pull the trigger." "Yeah, well... the whisky's not helping matters." "...branch closures and a tougher approach to business customers have resulted in a leaner and more profitable bank." "The share price has steadily risen since Brian Balfour was made chairman." "Increased profits have led City analysts to speculate that Balfour is grooming the National Allied for a merger with one of the larger banks." "This is precisely the type of venture Balfour has successfully masterminded in the past..." "Can you hear this?" "...one of the most ambitious of a new breed of financial high-flyers." "Meaning a huge pay-off for you and your share options going through the roof." "It's so obvious!" "Greedy bastard." "Mr. Grendle, Ms. Rosser will see you now." "£3,472.56 won't make a huge impression on your overdraft." "No, but it's a start." "It shows there's money coming in and more to follow very soon." "I've spoken to our main creditor and he's agreed to pay our invoice by the end of the week." " 40 grand's going in." " End of the week's tomorrow." " Credits take five working days to clear." " I know that." "If I can show the money's been paid in, even if it hasn't cleared, then you needn't freeze my account." "Mr. Grendle, even £40,000, welcome as it would be, is not going to bring you back within your limit, let alone reduce it." "I know that." "I'm not an imbecile..." "Look, uh..." "I hear what you're saying..." "You must see I'm doing my best to sort this out." "I hoped that you would acknowledge my efforts by being patient for a little longer." "The bank has been very patient." "We've extended a large sum of unsecured credit to you over a long period." "The time has come for a little reality to set in." "Ms. Rosser my whole business is at stake here and the jobs of 19 people." "If not for me, for them." "All I'm asking is a little time to clear the overdraft." " Please." " As I say, it's really not my decision." "Cow!" " And we know what happens to cows, don't we?" " Especially Jim Broutaby's." " I couldn't get down on my knees and beg." " You gotta retain some dignity." " How did you come out of there?" " With a bit of hope, actually." "If Broutaby's 40 grand went in, she'd give us a stay of execution." "We had a reasonable weekend." "But then the following week..." "Hello?" " That cow has frozen our account." " I know." "They sent a fax." " I'm so sorry, Ken." " I really didn't think she'd do it." " Broutaby'll be putting in 40 grand." " I phoned the branch." "They just referred me to the Account Management Centre." "I eventually got through to someone who knew nothing about it." "They said the person dealing with it would call me back, but they haven't." "She's just signed our death warrant." "What have I done to deserve this treatment?" "My company has banked here right from the start!" "That's 24 years." " Mr. Grendle..." " And my private account since I left school." "Doesn't that warrant any trust?" "Any forbearance?" " Please calm down." " I will not calm down!" "You are destroying my company!" "We requested that you get within your overdraft limit." "We've been asking for months and all that happens is that you go further and further into the red." "We cannot allow that to continue." "£40,000 went into that account at the end of last week." "No, Mr. Grendle, it did not." " No such sum was paid in." " It was!" " He said he had paid it." " Ken, calm down." "Yeah, look, there it is." "Paid when I said it was, 12th March." "Through the bank's automated clearing system." "There's a copy of... the fax to the bank requesting the transfer, their fax to us confirming it and an extract from our statement showing it left the account on that day." " It's been paid, mate." " But the money never reached our account." "Banks must have lost it." "It happens." " Ms. Rosser's not here." " I saw her earlier." "She's at a customer interface symposium." "Listen, my business account has been frozen and £40,000 that was paid into it has disappeared!" " I wouldn't know about that." " That's why I want to talk to her!" "If your business account's been frozen, that's dealt with by the Account Management Centre." "I can give you their number." "I know the bloody number." "They never answer!" "What about this 40 grand?" "Paid by bank transfer." "Here is the paperwork!" "If you have a query on a credit, you should take that up with the Account Management Centre." " They can look into it for you." " So you can't help me here at all?" "As far as you're concerned, I'm a non-customer." "Perry... do you care whether I live or die?" "Or indeed any of these people!" "Probably not, because you are a bank employee." "The simple concern for your fellow man is not a feeling you're overly troubled by, is it?" "Is it?" "!" " Ken!" " Yeah." "I've finally spoken to the Account Management Centre." "I've told them about the missing credit." "They've taken the details and they'll investigate." " How long will it take?" " They could resolve it straight away." "Yeah, or take weeks." "Dear old Christine." "What a tower of strength she was." "What could we do?" "Nothing coming in, no bank account, standing orders not being honoured and cheques bouncing left, right and centre." " Did they find the missing transfer?" " What a saga that turned out to be!" "Urgh!" "Excuse me, there IS a record of the money being transferred." "I've got it in front of me!" " There's no internal record of it being received." " That isn't the same thing!" "If we didn't receive it, we can't have lost it." " This is a cover-up." "They're blaming each other." " Calm down." "Look, I'm not at all happy with this." "I want to take this up with the Banking Ombudsman." "How do I do that?" "For them to investigate, we must issue a deadlock letter, confirming it's unresolved." " Right!" "Can you issue one?" " No." "You're not in dispute with us." "The fault is with the customer's bank." "Deal with them." " But I..." "What are you..." "I don't believe this!" " Ken." " Ken, please!" "Just stop!" " I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "We tried, Dave." "For days we tried!" "They wouldn't admit they'd lost it." "Every day our account was frozen, the deeper we sunk into oblivion." "Well, once word gets out..." "No, it wasn't just our creditors banging at the door with their final demands, no." "The killer was when the VAT and Inland Revenue cheques bounced." "You can go to prison for that" "You can't mess around with them blokes." "Is that when you had to lay off the staff?" "Yeah." "It was heartbreaking." "The worst day of my life." "Some of those guys had been with me since day one." "Almost all of them knew they weren't going to get another job." "I was just throwing them on the scrapheap." "I'm just going to have to let you go..." "If it's any comfort, I'm leaving with nothing, too." ""Unless payment under your leasing agreement is received within 10 working days," ""we will have no option but to institute proceedings under section 7D of the agreement" ""and take steps to reclaim the equipment concerned."" "Don't worry about "instituting proceedings"." "Just tell them to come and take the lot!" "I checked with Denholm Wade Finance." "It is as you thought." "Oh, God." "Audrey doesn't know about the loan." "What are you doing here?" "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "I was just passing and I thought I'd pick you up for a change." "They'll come for the machines... we'll surrender the lease on the factory and that will be it." "The end of Grendle  Co." "It's going to be difficult." "Can't manage for long on my wages." "You'll have to find a job." "Yeah, yeah." "There's something else..." "About three years ago we took out a substantial loan." "To fund improvements at the factory - computers, equipment, that sort of thing." "To get this loan, I had to act as personal guarantor." "If we don't make the repayments, the loan company can come after me for the money." " And we've no money to give them?" " But we do have the house." "What do you mean?" "They can't take our house." " And everything in it." " No." "They can't!" "That's impossible!" "It's what being a personal guarantor means." "You guarantee the loan against your house." "I never dreamt this could happen." "Thousands of people have loans secured against their homes." " It's what domestic mortgages are." " Oh, Ken." "How could you?" "Audrey!" "Audrey!" "I shall be at Sarah's." "If there's any possessions the debt collectors don't take, let me know and I'll arrange to collect them." " Audrey!" " Ken, don't." "Don't say anything, please." "This all seems strangely predictable, now I look back." "The logical conclusion to a lifetime of..." "This is stupid." " Haven't seen him since a week on Friday." " Was he all right?" "Yeah..." " Excuse me, Dave?" " Kenny!" "How are you, mate?" " Don't often see you here." "You want something?" " Not for me, thanks." " Could we have a quick chat?" " Yeah, sure." " Won't be a minute." "How's it going, mate?" " Don't ask." "I bet it was rough laying off the rest of those lads, eh?" " I bet my name's mud in here." " No, they know." "Nobody blames you." " Almost nobody." " Has the bank admitted their mistake yet?" "What do you think?" "That 40 grand has been converted into electrical pulses and scattered round the universe." "Can I borrow that, mate?" "Cheers." "Tell you the truth, I'm past caring." "They can do what they want." "Keep the money." "They've got everything else." "I don't want to know any more." " Bollocks to them!" " Exactly." "Listen, Dave..." " You know the blokes here from the abattoir." " Yeah." "They use a humane dispatcher that Broutaby makes, the Mark 7." "Tasty piece of kit that." " Could you get me one?" " A Mark 7?" " Yeah." "I've got this old goat at home." " Yeah, so I've heard!" "Seriously, I've had an offer from an Indian restaurant... but with the foot and mouth, it's got to be done on the quiet." "That's why I need this humane killer to shoot the goat." "Can't someone do it at the restaurant?" "No, I don't want them to." "It's too involved." "I just want to deliver the carcass after dark, and they pay me cash." "OK." "Can we give a drink to the lads?" "Of course, I'll pay, yeah. 100 quid?" "You could share it with the men how you like." "A ton?" "What kind of goat is it?" "Ken!" "Kenny!" "Are you all right in there, mate?" "Come on." "Open up, will you?" "Ken!" "Are you all right, mate?" "You saved my life." "No, you did." "I was really gonna do it." "Like a bloody fool, it took me that long to realise what you wanted the gun for." " That's the booze for you." " Yeah." "What a night that turned out to be!" " Heads you lose!" " All the windows rattled then!" "I heard your teeth rattle!" "I bet you've just shot your neighbour in the back of the head." "They were mates of hers, weren't..." "# Here comes the bride... #" "No matter who we shot, it was always quick and humane!" "Hey, hey, Kenny." "Cushion, bank manager." "Bank manager, bank manager!" "This is such a pleasure..." "Die!" "Tell you what, Ken." "Kenny, let's do the goat." "Let's go out and take out old nanny, yeah?" "Dave..." "I lied about the goat." "That bank destroyed me." "I lost everything." "Business... home... marriage." "But you haven't lost your life, mate, and that's the main thing." "Mind you, you nearly gave 'em that, and then they would have had everything." "You're right." "I'm alive." " And while I'm alive I can get back at them." " Get back?" "You can't get back!" "How are you going to do that?" "You can't get back at a bank!" "They're... whatsit?" "Invulnerable." "That's not bad at this time of night, is it?" "Invulernable... invuler..." "I don't know what I'm going to do but I'm going to do something." "I've spent my life being reasonable, honest, law-abiding." "Well..." " Look where it got me!" " Tired and feathered!" " Can I help?" " I want to see Ms. Rosser." " She's no longer with this branch." " Where's she gone?" " Transferred to Head Office." " You wouldn't be lying to me, Perry?" "She isn't trying to avoid me?" " Her successor, then." "Who's taken over?" " No one, really." "All the accounts have been transferred to the computer centre." "Branch closes in three weeks." " You weren't actually going to top her, were you?" " I might have." "If she had come out at that moment, yeah, I think I was angry enough to do it." "Good job she didn't." "The penalty for murdering a bank manager is unreasonably harsh." "She was just a small cog in a big pond." "As the weeks dragged on, I realised she wasn't my real target." "After that I took a few belongings and what was left of Audrey's and abandoned the house." "I didn't want to be around when the bailiffs moved in." "My car had gone back to the leasing company but I still had the old family estate." "Even the bailiffs wouldn't have wanted that." "I thought I'd end up sleeping in it as well." "Christine and Terry, they were really kind." "Made sure at least I had somewhere to live." "This was when I reached rock bottom." "At least when I was gonna kill myself, I was in control." "I was gonna carry out a positive, decisive action." "Nah, now I was just in limbo." "I had nothing to do and nowhere to go." "I didn't even have the initiative to commit suicide any more." "It was then that I figured out the only thing I had left, the only thing that could get me out of this trough... was my anger." "And I could only be happy - not really happy, I mean at peace with myself - if I channelled it towards doing something decisive." "So..." "I channelled it toward the bank." "The thing that had ruined my life." "But a bank is only a formation of people." "On whom can you take your anger out?" "Cashiers?" "It's not really their fault." "Ms. Rosser?" "Even she's just obeying orders." "But there is someone who's responsible for the bank's policies and actions." "He takes the money, the power and the privilege, so it follows that he must also take the consequences:" "the chairman." "It wasn't hard to find him." "Balfour was on various committees and boards." "Into opera and golf, presumably not at the same time." "Brian's wife was heavily into various charities." "Estranged wife, according to one of the gossip columns." "Brian certainly had a track record of turning round companies." "He had a string of financial institutions, insurance companies, pensions providers under his belt." "Each time, he had dramatically increased profits and share values, whilst lining his own pockets." "The losers were the employees and, of course, the customers." "I soon had enough information about Mr. Balfour to start detailed planning." " Nice shot, Brian." " Not bad." "Good shot, John." "For your own comfort and safety, Mr. Balfour, I wouldn't move." "You might tip over." "You see, you, like an overdrawn account, have been suspended... over a pool of acid." "Don't forget, it can go down as well as up." "Listen, I don't know who you are but I can imagine what you want." "We have contingencies to deal with kidnapping." "All banks do." " It's our policy to pay the ransom, so if you..." " That's your policy, is it?" "I bet your customers don't know." "I mean, it's their money, after all." " I'm not sure they'd agree." " I'll give you a number to call." "We can really move this on very swiftly." " You want to call the bank?" " Yes." "I just want to get you your money and get out of here." "You don't have to worry yourself about that." "This won't cost the bank a penny." "There's no ransom involved..." "because you won't be leaving here." "What's this all about?" "Is it something the bank's done or me personally?" "What do you want?" "If you just tell me..." "I'll tell you how it's going to work and it'll get really boring if you keep asking why I'm doing it, trying to buy your way out, whatever." "We haven't got much time..." "No..." "You haven't got much time." "So I'll tell you what you need to know, and if you ask any questions or make any silly remarks... penalties will apply." "Your life may be at risk if you don't keep quiet." "I..." "I won't say anything." "I'll speak when spoken to." "Please stop it!" "You can't do this to a person!" "You can't lower someone into a pool of acid!" " It's inhuman!" " Sorry, Brian." " What did I say about making stupid remarks?" " I'm sorry." "Sorry." "Sorry." "You can't help shooting your mouth off, can you?" "Trying to take control!" " Telling me what I can and can't do!" " Please, stop!" "And who are you to talk about what's inhuman?" "Chairman of the bank!" "The man who took over Home Counties Building Society, led them into "deneutralisation", making a fortune in share options, and then allowed them to be bought out by National Allied, the very bank that you joined shortly after as chairman." "It wasn't like that." "Don't believe everything you read in the financial press." "What about Claringdon Life, eh?" "Long established, secure... if a little undynamic." "In you go, sack loads of the staff, get rid of loads of the offices, and then you use all that money you save on a series of aggressive takeovers of smaller pensions providers!" "Then huge profits and a massive great bonus for you!" "Of course, you move on and then what?" "A downturn in the market, yeah, and Claringdon can't meet its obligations to its pension holders." "It's not my fault if there's a downturn." "If you hadn't got your sticky fingers into Claringdon, they'd have weathered it." "Pure speculation, you don't know the real facts and I think you have a rather naïve view of corporate finance." "Brian, you are really in no position to patronise me." "No." "Sorry, sorry." "Right!" "Now I do want you to tell me something." "Is it the case that you initiated a policy at National Allied targeting small, struggling businesses, weeding them out, reducing the number of businesses surviving on overdrafts?" "Huh?" "Not sure of the answer?" "Would you like to phone a friend?" "I mean it." "You can call the bank if you want." "Tell them you're all right." " Please." " Sure." "Terms and conditions apply." "Thank God for 24-hour banking, eh?" "With typical inefficiency, they haven't got round to disconnecting the phones yet." "That's lucky, isn't it, Brian?" "Your call will be monitored." "I tell you what, while we're waiting for them to answer," "I'll lower you towards the acid, all right?" "Thank you for calling National Allied." "Press zero to proceed." "Thank you." "You now have four options." "For telephone banking, please press one." "To report card lost or stolen, press two." "To open an account, press three." "For all other enquiries, please press four." "I would think lowering the chairman into acid is "all other enquiries", don't you, Brian?" "I can give you a direct line to call." "It's straight through to my office." "That's handy, but I don't see why you shouldn't go through the process the same as us." "So..." "Thank you, you now have four further options." "For investments and pensions, press one." "For mortgage and insurance, press two." "For credit cards, please press three, or for other enquiries, please press four." "Four again, I think, wouldn't you?" "Thank you." "To return to the main menu, press one." "To order a statement, press two." "To speak to a customer service representative, press three." "Now, that's what we want, a representative, a person!" "We regret that all our customer service representatives are busy with other callers." "Your call is important to us and is in a queue." "Please hold and you will be answered soon." "Maddening, isn't it?" "At this time of night as well." "I wonder how long it's going to take?" "Thank you for holding." "Your call is important to us and will be answered as soon as possible." "All right!" "You've made your point." "For Christ's sake, man, have some pity!" "Pity?" "I should have pity?" "!" "Look, our call centre, it takes too long, yes, to answer the phone, and we're all hopeless failures, but I will sort it." "I'll double the number of operators..." "quadruple them." "Actually, I will pause it there." "We'd better talk about this." "You don't get it, do you?" "You can't sort it out by putting on more operators." "The problem goes deeper than that." "You don't give a toss about customer satisfaction." "It's all about greed!" "In my case, the damage is already done." "Nothing you could do could recompense me for what I've lost." "Just let me try." "Tell me what we've done to you." "Right, that's it!" "I told you to just listen." "And you can't, can you?" "You can't just listen." "So... it's time for a nice hot bath." "No, no, no, no, please, please..." "No, no, no..." "I'm sorry it's just pennies that your life is being weighed against." "I would have liked it to have been pounds but I'm on a budget." "Tell you what, I'll take off all the letters we wrote to the bank." "They never carried any weight, did they?" "I'll give you anything!" "A million pounds!" "I'm sorry." "That would only go part way to clearing your debt." "I've no option but to continue." "At the end of the day, I'm just a man." "I'm a human... being, a husband, a father." "Think of my wife, my kids." "Do you think I'm an idiot?" "I didn't do my homework?" "You haven't got kids, and your wife left you after you had an affair with your secretary." " The bugger had had a heart attack." " No." "Yeah." "How was I to know?" "He looked fit enough." "Played golf twice a week." "You weren't really going to dunk him in that bath of acid, were you?" "It's a bit..." "Acid Where was I going to get that much acid?" "It was warm water and bicarb of soda." "As the bank effectively owns this place now, it seems only right that you should be one of its fixed assets." "Only meant to scare him." "As a matter of fact, you're scaring me." "You can only push a man so far, Dave." " Oh, time is up." " Aye." " How much longer have you got?" " About three months." "Between you and me, I'll be sorry to leave." "I really do appreciate you coming to see me." "Truly, I never get any visitors." "Well, I feel responsible." "It was that night you talked me out of committing suicide." "Yeah, I should never have driven home." "I was pissed as a fart." "I didn't just hit the police car." "I landed on top of it!" "I told the coppers I was an anti-capitalist protester." "I demanded my civil rights, which was a cup of tea and a urine sample." "Well, they were never known for their sense of humour." " No, mate." " Look after yourself." "You too." "Kenny, before you go, can I have a quick word?" "Yeah." "What happened to that humane dispatcher after you failed to kill Ms. Rosser?" "I kept it..." "You never know." "Special announcement:" "Home Counties Trains announce the cancellation of the 15. 10 to Norwich." "This is due to staff shortages." "We offer our sincere regrets." "Thank you for calling Home Counties." "All our representatives are currently busy with other callers." "Your call is important to us and is held in a queue."