"Are you feeling awfully?" "I am, Gerry." "You haven't had a good meal for days," "I would feel jolly unwell if I didn't eat." "You at least understand." "The others are louts." "Larry's an intelllectual lout and Leslie's just a lout." "I'm glad to see you're in the sunshine at last, it can't do you any good to moon about in your room." "I don't moon, I've got a broken heart, you silly little boy." "I fell in, trying to catch a crab with an ane-nome (anemone) on its back." "The interesting thing is, the crab put it there." "It does." " It helps it catch things." " Go away!" "I liked Peter, pity he's gone." "Yes, you did." "I'm sorry." "But still go away." "I was going anyway!" "I'm starving!" "Oh, dear." "I almost thought a little food might pass her lips tonight." "She even nibbled at a piece of toast this morning" " I shall tear It up." " Good idea." "Oh, no!" "We've all agreed that letters are sacrosanct." "You tore up mine." "They were from Paris." "From my friends." "I don't approve of your friends in Paris." "And I apologised." "It was in fact an accident." "No, we must give It to her." "We could steam It open." "Thoroughly dishonest, mother." "I'm only doing It for Margo, I'd do the same for you." " Please don't." " You snatched those letters from me, that's how they were torn." "It could be delayed." "Oh, what a good idea, Leslie." "Just until we've got some food inside her." " He is comings." " What do you mean, Spiro?" "I think so." "Mister Peters, he is coming to take her away." "I knows it." "I should not have broughts it." "I should have thrown myself off the cliff with it." "That's very kind of you, Spiro, but we do rely on you for mail." "If he is comings, I will get the boys onto him." "He will not be safe anywhere on the islands." "And If he shows his faces," "I will rubs him out." "But he is comings, mark my words." "I knows the heart." "(Speaks Greek)" "It is, er...very Greek to have this passion, where the food cannot get to the belly" " and you throws." " Look, look at the size of them!" "Aren't they beautiful?" "(Chirps)" "Ooh!" "Ohh!" "You shouldn't show Spiro things like that, you know he's got a weak stomach." "I know and I am careful, but these are beautiful creatures, aren't they?" "Yes, they are, dear, they're..." "They're...they're lovely." "Aren't they, Larry?" " Leslie?" " Exquisite." "Er, pretty." "It's just that everyone doesn't see things in the same way that y...that we do." "And I've only just got Margo eating again." "Please, Gerry." "Poor Spiro." " It's all right, Spiro." " Uhh." "(Frogs chirp quietly)" "(Sighs)" "Ohh." "Gollys, Master Gerrys." "Why do you show me such things?" "I'm sorry I rushes off, Mrs Durrells but honest the gods, when I see one of them bastards..." "I just has to throws and I think is better that I throws outside than in heres." "Absolutely, Spiro." "They're the most horrible things I've ever seen." " Yes, to be honest." " Oh." "(Quiet chirping)" "Please, don't ever show them things to me again, Master Gerrys." " Please." " (Chirping)" "Excuse me." "(Chirping)" "I hope you've washed your hands, Gerry." "Yes." "Where are they?" "Safely under my bed." "I think aesthetically you are all limited." "Eh?" "If you don't mind me saying so." "You might be right." "I'm starving." "Well, you wouldn't be, had you come down earlier." " It won't have ruined Leslie's appetite." " Lord, no." "Nothing can do that." "I'm glad to hear that you're hungry, Margo." "Spiro had to throws." " Leslie." " Just making conversation, mother." "Did he bring the mail?" "Yes." "Would you mind waiting until we've eaten?" "No, not at all." "As I said, I'm starving." "(Sobs quietly)" "(Sobs)" "Margo?" "He's coming for me." "So there!" "Best thing he could do." "What does she mean?" "I think he intends to carry her off." "That is an excellent idea." "It is not, and you must stop saying such things, Larry." "She's a very young girl and she's your sister." "That's right." "We must mount a 24-hour guard." " Thank you, Leslie." " Don't rely on me." "Oh, no, look at her." "I don't want him to." "I've only just started to eat again." "Right, mother," "I shall kill two birds with one stone." "There's been a certain amount of petty pilfering." "I shall set a trap." "Hello, Geronimo, you're early tonight." ""Cecily, the praying mantis," ""devouring her mate, while they mate." ""He's still mating, though half-eaten."" "(Chirruping)" "Did you know she was eating him" " all of the time they were mating?" " Ha!" "This'll get him." "Who?" "Erm, Peter what's-his-name." "If he comes back for Margo." "And it'll stop that pilfering from the jetty." "First sound... bang." "I've got Spiro out on patrol, down there." "And he's got all his cousins watching the port." "Right." "Block your ears, Gerry." "(Loud bang)" "(Music on wireless)" "Cecily is pregant." "Don't look at me." " Or me." " Who's Cecily, dear?" "My praying mantis, she's pregant." "Oh, that's nice." "Here comes Margo." "She seems to have recovered her appetite, so try to be good." "No mention of you-know-who or love or anything like that." "Good morning, Margo." " Morning." " Morning." "Have some toast, Margo." "Thank you." "My mantis is pregnant, Margo." "Any day now, eggs." "And do you know they eat their husbands while they are doing it." "I watched Cecily, she's my mantis." "And do you know, he didn't stop doing It all the time she was eating him." "First the head, then the thorax, munching away." "There, look what you've done." "(Sobs) I think that's the most tragic tale I've ever heard." "I don't think they regard It as tragic." "Animals can be quite...quite..." "Insensitive?" "No." "Matter-of-fact about food. (Slurps)" "( Gramophone) ♪ So, honey, don't you cry" "♪ We'll find a silver lining" "♪ The clouds will soon roll by ♪" "♪ I hear a robin singing" "♪ Upon a tree-top high" "♪ To you and me he's singing" "♪ The clouds will soon roll by" "♪ Each little tear and sorrow" "♪ Only brings you closer to me" "♪ Just wait until tomorrow" "♪ What a happy day that will be" "♪ Down Lovers' Lane together" "♪ We'll wander, you and I ♪" " Good night, Ulysses." " ♪ Goodbye to stormy weather ♪" "♪ The clouds will soon roll by ♪" "(Quiet chirping)" "(Soft thump)" "(Gunshot)" "(Roger barks)" "(Barking)" "She's done something silly." "Poor girl." " What?" " This family is driving me mad." " This is the limit." " You've shot him." " Keep calm!" "Keep calm!" "It 's only burglars." " Are you all right?" "If you killed him I'll never speak to you again." " I thought you'd done something silly." " Don't be silly." "Animals and explosions all day and then 21-gun salutes during the night." "Can't you give us some warning?" "I can't shoot burglars if I give warnings." "You ought to try, dear." "This was an accident," "I got my foot caught in something in my sleep." "Couldn't you ring a bell or something?" "Roger!" "(Quietens down)" "Come on, Roger." "Geronimo." " Geronimo?" " (Faint chirp)" "Geronimo?" "Oh, no, you haven't!" "You have." "(Soft chirp)" "(Sighs)" "What a lovely day." "What a lovely, lovely, lovely day." "I wish I could just sail away for ever and a day on such a lovely day." "Ever and ever and ever and a day." "Aunt Mabel's moved to Sussex." "She says, "Henry has passed all his exams and is going into a..." ""bank."" "At least, I think it's a bank." "Her handwriting really is appalling." "Uncle Stephen has broken his leg, poor old thing." "And his bladder." " Hmm?" " Well..." "What?" "Oh, no, no." "I think it's broken his leg, falling off a ladder." "It's ridiculous at his age being anywhere near a bladder...er, ladder." "She asks after you, Larry." "Mm." "Hopes you are well, Leslie." " Hm?" " And Marg...where's Margo?" "Larry, where's Margo?" " What?" " Margo, where is she?" "I don't know." "She's all right, isn't she?" "Got her own lovelorn nonsense." "Well, she's eating and she's coming out of her room." "Can strike at any time." "I don't think she's over it by a long chalk." "Mm." " I'm very well." " What?" "Well, next time you write to Aunt Mabel, say yes." "Yes what, dear?" "Yes, I'm very well." "Oh, yes, I see..." "You can tell her yourself." "She's coming to stay." " What?" " What?" "I don't see how we can refuse." "She is a relative." "She's been advised by the doctors that she needs a warm climate." "Oh, come on, the world is littered with warm...very warm climates." "Why choose us?" "Great-Aunt Hermione hasn't much longer to live." "I thought she'd died years ago." "Because you never listen when I read her letters." "That's right." "It's bad enough Aunt Mabel wanting to come." "She's bad enough." "At least she'll have to go back at some time." "Great-Aunt Hermione intends to die here." "Oh, come now, Larry, she could live for years yet." "Oh, no." "No, you're right." ""I'm sure, as you now seem to able to afford such a large establishment," ""you would not begrudge a small corner to an old woman..." ""who's not much longer to live."" "Well, what can we do?" "(Larry) Smallpox." "I'll write and tell her we've got smallpox." "Oh, that's a good excuse." "In detail." "That's the secret of good letter-writing, always paint a good picture." "You know that, you're going to be a writer." "I am a writer, but I can't work if the villa is crammed with geriatrics come to die." "Well, I'm not joining in this." "But I will say... she sings hymns in the lavatory." "Rock of Ages." "And everyone has to queue." "I don't know why you keep in touch with the old hags." "They're either fossilised or mental, all of them." "My relatives are not mental." "Oh, they are." "Aunt Bertha keeps flocks of imaginary cats." "Great-Uncle Patrick goes about naked telling strangers he killed whales with a penknife." "Bats!" "But they're not mental." "They are a...a little queer, some of them." "But not enought to be put away." "You'll probably be queer when you get to their age." "The thing to do is move." "Move?" "Well, to a smaller villa." "But we've only just moved here in order to make room for your friends." "Well, now we have to move to cope with your relatives." ""No room, can't have you." ""Fallen on hard times, can't feed you."" "A smaller villa." "Has somoebody moved the Bootle Bumtrinket?" "No, dear." "Well, somebody must have!" "It must be a very small villa, Spiro." "Yes, yes, Mr Larrys," "Mrs Durrells, but, er, you want bathrooms." "Well, of course." "But one bathrooms will do." "It won't." "Gerry fills the bath with wriggly things." "No, no, no, It must be more than one." "Larry, where did you say that Margo was?" "(Speaks Greek)" "Lugaretzia, have you seen Margo?" "(Speaks Greek)" "Margo?" "Is in the sea." "Oh, my God, I'm sinking!" "Ohh!" "There she is!" "(Leslie) This way, Margo!" " Margo!" " This way!" "Help!" "(Leslie) This way, Margo!" " You're going to Albania, Margo, this way." " If she sinks the Bootle Bumtrinket," "I'll never speak to her again." "Help!" " Lift back!" " She'd be better to swim for it." "And leave my boat?" "Margo, this way!" "And row harder!" " I don't think she's going to make it." " She jolly well better!" "No!" "No, Ma..." "Margo!" "Oh, look, someone'll have to go in after her." " Spiro?" " Yes!" "I can't swims." "You built the blasted thing, you go and get her!" "All right." "(Margo) Help me!" "I'm sinking!" "(Weeps)" "(Sobbing) Larry, I tried to row it." "(Screams)" "(Larry) It's all right." "(Sobbing) Let me get out!" "What have you done to my boat?" "It wasn't me." "The stupid boat hit the rocks!" "Really Margo, I sometimes wonder if you're quite mad." "You do the most silly things!" "(Wails) Oh, Mummy, it could have happened to anyone." "I'll tell you one thing." "I'm cured of love." "That's all very well and good, cured of love!" "But what about my boat?" "What's it cured of?" "Nothing!" "Nothing at all!" "If that's curing love, someone should say sorry!"