"Gemma?" "Gem, if you've locked yourself out again..." "I've got a knife!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "A meme is an idea, a... a thought, a cultural concept that passes from mind to mind like a virus." "And religion is just that, a virus of the mind." "An infection that turns the body politic into a hospital case." "That's just a glib attempt to rationalise faith." "Science offers us a lot but it doesn't give us what faith gives us." " And what's that?" " Hope... sense of purpose." "I know where I'm going when I die and I live my life accordingly." "Well, if you're willing to sacrifice rationality on the altar of a fictional heaven, why are you doing a course based on a scientific method?" "No, I'm interested in psychology but you won't find God in a petri dish." " Look here..." " This is what I mean." " Come on!" " Here we go." "Er, I think we'd better finish there for the day." "Sorry." "That's the second seminar you've finished early this week." " So?" " So, I've looked at your timetable." "Drop two classes, you could do a three-day week." " I need to work." " You need to look after yourself." "I'm not an invalid... yet." "Have you told Jude?" "Jude loves you." "She deserves to know." "There he goes." "Excuse me, Mr Bridge?" "Robert?" " I was just about to come to your office..." " What do you want?" "Who are you?" "Gemma Taylor." "I'm taking a Masters with Barbara Senior." "What can I do for you?" "I heard about the QA you did with the medium." "Alison Mundy?" "Yes." "I was wondering if you could put me in touch with her." " I don't think that's a good idea." " What if I told you it was for my thesis?" "You wouldn't buy it." "OK, it's actually for me." " A personal thing." " At least you're honest." " So what do you think?" " I think I prefer to respect her privacy." "Fair enough, worth a try." "Nice to meet you anyway." "Hey, Gem?" "Still on for tonight?" "Um..." "I'm not sure." "I've got some stuff on." " No probs." " Are you going?" "Yeah." "Maybe I will then." "See ya." " Hi." " Hello." "I didn't think you watched daytime television." "You didn't come around to discuss my viewing habits." "No." "So what do you want?" " How are you?" " Fine." " You don't look it." " Tired." " Why is that?" " Why are you so interested?" " Maybe I can help." " Oh." " Really?" " Could you take your glasses off please?" " Why?" " I can't talk to you unless I can see your eyes." "Come and see this, come on." "Come and look at this." "Look." " It's very nice, very... tidy." " Yes." "Right, yes." "See, this is... um..." "this is how she likes it." "This is what... this is what she does." "Um... she... um..." "She waits until I'm out of the room and then she puts things right." " You're saying your mother did this?" " Yes, yes." "I am." "That's what she does." "She... uh... she arranges things." "This is what she likes to do." "You see, she... she waits and then she comes in and she sorts things out, and, um... this is what we do, we... we put things right, we sort things in size, shape and colour, see?" "Colour." "And, um, yeah, that's another one, colour." "And she used to do that, she used to paint my stuff, my bag, my dolls' house, she did that, my dolls' house, my dolls' house, she painted that red." "You don't believe me, do you?" "You don't believe anything I say." "You pretend that you're listening, you act like you're concerned but you don't believe a single thing I say." "You're just like my father, you're exactly the same as him." "You know that's the first time I've heard you talk about your father." "I've... got someone coming now, so you're gonna have to leave cos..." "I need my space." "Why do you have to open and close the door three or four times before you finally shut it?" "Is that what your mother used to do?" "Why do you have to do that, Alison?" "Because... it makes me feel better." "Hi, I'm Gemma." "We spoke on the ph..." " Hello?" " What are you doing here?" "How did you get this number?" " Oh." "Do you two know each other?" " No." " No, she was asking..." " I tried to get your number off him" " but he wasn't very forthcoming." " Oh, really?" "I didn't think it was appropriate." "Well, I think we'll walk." "Sure." "Robert's just leaving." "I'll see you." "I'll see you tomorrow." "How can I help you?" " My best friend died last year." " I'm sorry." "It's OK." "I've kind of come to terms with it." " I just... miss her, you know?" " Mm." "We shared a flat through uni in Newcastle." "We were on the same course, it was great." "We talked all the time, constantly." "You know, what we'd done, what we hadn't done, what we were gonna do." "We were gonna come here to do our Masters, share a flat." "Now I'm here and she's not, and it's just... wrong." "Look, it's not like I wanna see her ghost or anything like that." " I just wanna talk." " Mm-hm." "Come on." " Don't we have to be inside?" " Velvet curtains and a crystal ball?" "." "Maybe." "Sorry." "May I hold your hand?" "Mm." "She likes the cushions." "The red cushions, and the fairy lights, the ones that she gave you, you've hu..." "you've hung them... you've... you've hung them over your bed like you did in Newcastle." "Um... but she doesn't like the photograph." " Photograph?" " The one by your bed." "But I love that picture." " She says you look good." " I was wearing her dress." "Ha!" "It looked better on you." "Maybe." "Oh my God, it's B, isn't it?" "Mm." "What do you want to say?" "I don't know." "I just wanted to tell her... what?" "That I'm OK, I made it and it's great." "It's hard but it's fun." "The phone bill's ten times cheaper now." "And I always know where my hair dryer is... and I miss her." "I suppose I didn't really know how much, but I do." "I just do." "Wow." "Really, you shouldn't have, you didn't have to." "Well, it's not like I get to go out much." "And Morgan's asleep." "Sometimes it's nice to make the effort." "Makes me feel human." "You look great." "I'm supposed to." "What?" "What is it?" "What's wrong?" "I have a tumour." "It's malignant." "It's in my brain stem and it's inoperable." "Terminal." "I'm dying." " No." " Yes." "Yes." " How long?" " Weeks, months maybe." "I don't know." "How long have you known?" " A few weeks?" " Weeks?" " I know, I wa..." " How many weeks?" "I mean, did you know when we got back together?" " I don't understand." " I wanted to tell you but I..." " Why didn't you tell me?" " I couldn't." "I just couldn't." "I am so sorry." " No." " Please, Jude." " No..." " Please, Jude, wait." "Yeah?" "Hi." "Got a moment?" "I have papers to mark." " You're annoyed I went to see Alison?" " Well, yeah." "Yes, I am." " I didn't realise I needed to ask permission." " No, of course you don't." "I mean she has got a small ad in the local newspaper." "Yeah, you've made your point." "But I'm sorry anyway?" " It was quite amazing actually." " Really?" "Yeah." "To be honest she freaked me out." " Long as you heard what you wanted to hear." " Oh, cynical?" "." "I prefer to think of it as healthy objectivity." "Yeah, well that's not always possible or particularly healthy." "Maybe." "I've been thinking about the impact of religious faith on internalising and externalising problems in adolescents... for my thesis." " You're a believer?" " I believe a belief can have an influence, which is not the same thing." "Would you use a general or domain specific measure?" "Domain specific ideally." "But I would need some help on designing the scale." " Oh, I suppose I could give you sometime." " Great, perfect." "Thanks a lot." "Expect me to pester you at every opportunity." "She looked like a saveloy in fishnets." "Oh, my God, that's terrible!" "I told her it was a bad idea but she was determined to wear it." "What did you go as?" " Catwoman." " Ooh." "Meow." " I know you wanna see those pictures." " What pictures?" "How are you doing?" "Listen, I thought we could maybe go..." "I don't think so." "See you later, guys." "Ever since you did that thing, whatever it was, when you did that." "Spoke to Beth?" "Yeah, yeah." "Ever since then, I've felt it, like a pressure building." "Like when it's gonna thunder, like that." " What do you want me to do?" " I want you to get rid of it." "Get rid of what?" "I don't know, whatever it is that you contacted, whatever it is that you brought here, I just want it to go." "I didn't bring anything." "You've got to do something." "Who's Nick?" " Who?" " Nick?" " I don't know." " Yes, yes you do." "He wants you." " He wants you badly." " This is ridiculous." " What happened?" "What happened to you?" " Nothing." "Gemma?" "Please, wait." "This is important, please." "Really, it's fine." "You said it was about Alison?" "Yeah." "I mean look, I know I shouldn't have gone around there again." "You don't have to tell me it was a bad idea." "It's just that first time she got to me." "So what happened this time?" "I don't know, it's nothing she did exactly." "It was more..." "Look, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her." "I'm writing a book about her." "Because when I saw you at her house I thought you might be..." "No." "No, no." "It's just... she seems to have a few issues." " What do you mean?" " She did this thing with the lock." " Over and over." " Yeah." "She couldn't seem to concentrate." "She kept fiddling with her beads." "Deflecting, you know?" " Obsessive." " Did she get upset?" "Well, yeah, she'd be calm, almost expressionless most of the time." "And then suddenly there was this... fierce intensity." "I mean, some of the stuff she said..." "To be honest, I think she's heading for a breakdown." "I'm worried about you." " Thank you, very much." " No." "Alison, I'm worried about you." "I'm peachy." "Have you been discussing me?" "Me and my symptoms?" "You have, haven't you?" "Who with?" "Oh, I bet it was with that student." "Did she run to teacher like a good girl?" "." "I bet she didn't tell you what I felt though, did she?" "I bet she didn't tell you about that, about that darkness about that dark spirit that's in her and around her." "You are not well." "Well, who is?" "I mean, let's face it, we're all..." "You can't go on like this." "Your life is falling apart." "You are falling apart." " It's my mother." " No." "Alison, it is you." "I don't understand why she does these things." "She..." "She won't leave me alone." "Its not your mother's spirit doing these things, it is you." "You are becoming your mother..." "Would you stop doing that?" "She won't let me sleep." "If I could just get..." " Alison, stop it!" " If I could just get one good night's sleep." "I said stop it!" "You can't deal with this alone, I won't let you." "You mentioned your father." "Is he still alive?" "Yes, I think so." "Was it your father who had your mother sectioned?" " Yes." " Did you ever talk to him about it?" "No." "She was obsessive compulsive, wasn't she, your mother?" " Please don't do this..." " Alison, please." "Listen to me, I'm trying to help you." "I want to help you." "You don't feel what I feel, you don't see what I see." "You can't help me." "Perhaps in the writing, this book has become less about AAlison and more about me." "AAnd in trying to help her, to save her, what I'm really doing is trying to save myself." "Hi." "Jude?" "Not yet, I'm not ready." " I understand why..." " Robert, please." "I'm sorry." "Gemma?" "Gemma, wait a minute, can I talk to you?" "Look, I..." "I..." "I..." "I don't mind if you want to discuss my... my... you know, I mean I really don't mind you running behind my back and... but look, I know what you're going through, I understand and I know that it's hard, um... and I know that it's frightening, um, and I know that you don't wanna face it." " Face what?" "What are you talking about?" " But you'll have to, you see that, don't you?" " Leave me alone!" " Why does he want you so badly?" "What are you denying?" "I can help you, I want to help you!" "Get away from me, you freak!" " Alison's here?" "At the university?" " Yeah." "I mean, she was." " Outside." " What did she want?" "I'm not entirely sure." "She wasn't making much sense." " Are you OK?" " I could do with a drink." "She held my hand, it went really quiet and then she went on and on about some weird presence that's supposed to be following me around." " Mm." " She told you about it?" "Not in any detail." "The thing is, I feel a bit..." "The thing is, she touched kind of a sensitive area." "I don't normally like to talk about it." "Only say what you feel you want to." " I think I can trust you." " I hope so." "Hm." "Yeah, yeah, you'll do." "I had a brother." "Nick." "He OD'd." "I'm sorry." "I'm not, at least not that his dead." "He was a crackhead." "Started at school." "By the time he left, he was a disaster area." "He moved on to burglary, proper, did some time." "When he left he was out on the streets and he needed money and a place to crash." "And somehow, God knows how, he tracked me down." "Off his head on crack, of course, maddened by it." "He broke into the flat, and threatened my flat mate, Beth and... he hit her or she fell, or... the evidence was inconclusive." "Anyway she died." " Not exactly Cinderella, is it?" " It's a terrible thing to go through." "But I did get through it." "It was hard, but I did." " Therapy?" " Mm." "Helped." "But I miss Beth so much." "I just had to talk to her." " You told me not to go and see Alison..." " I wouldn't give you her number," "I didn't warn you off." "Maybe I should have." "You weren't to know." " Anyway, I should be thanking you." " What for?" "You give good listening." "So good, I'll buy you a drink to do some more." " I should probably be going." " Live a little." "One more drink... and you can give me a lift home." " Here you go." " Thanks." " What?" " Why are you so nervous?" " I'm not." " Good." " No, stop, no." " What?" "I said, no!" "I do not wanna do this." "No, so you'd rather humiliate me?" " What?" "!" " No, I get it." "Give me all the signals and then back out just so you can..." " What signals?" " God I got you wrong, didn't I?" "Look, I'm sorry if you misinterpreted anything I..." "Don't patronise me." "You know what I'm talking about." "I'm sorry, I don't." " You got the wrong..." " You want me." "I know you do, you just don't have the guts to act on it." " That is not what is going on here." " I know what's going on here." " I know what you want." " Gemma?" "Leave me alone." "Leave me alone!" " Buy me a drink." " I'm waiting for someone." "Buy me a drink while you're waiting." "You're the generous kind." "And you have warm eyes, I've always thought so." "Warm eyes and a strong face." "Very promising combination." " Very promising indeed." " I don't think so." "I do." "Who's this?" "Just a friend." "There's a table in the corner." " Don't bother calling me, I've had enough!" " Tina, it was just..." " Just leave me alone." " Tina, come on, be reasonable, come on, love." "Hey, mate, just wait." "Tina!" " Come on!" " Wait." "Oh!" "That hurts." "Get away from me!" "Don't touch me!" " What are you talking about?" " Don't touch me!" " Don't touch me." " I didn't!" "Gemma, come back!" "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve." "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten..." " Hello?" " I saw her." "Alison?" "Saw who?" "Gemma?" "My mother." "I saw my mother." "I..." "I can't bear it." "She won't leave me alone." " OK, listen." " Why cant she leave me alone?" "I don't know." " Alison?" " OK." " OK what?" " I'll talk." "I want to talk, I'll..." "I'll talk to you." "Good." "Good, come round my place later." "Do I have to?" "Can't we just talk like this?" "I think this is something we need to do face to face, OK?" "OK." " Hey?" " Is this a bad time?" "No, no, it's fine, it's fine." "Please, sit down." " How are you?" " I should be asking you." "I'm..." "I am so sorry, I know I should have..." "Live with me." " What?" " I want you to move in with me." "Are you sure?" "I mean, there's Morgan to think about, you don't need me, my..." "I've thought about it very carefully and I love you, I always have." "And whatever happens, however it happens," "I want us to be together." "When?" "Oh, as soon as possible don't you think?" "Under the circumstances." "So, I'll see you later." "Yeah, I guess." "Face to face, then." "Can I have a glass of wine?" "I don't think that's a good idea, do you?" " No, you're probably right." " I'll get you a glass of water." "You can take your coat off." "I'm a bit cold." "Can I lie down?" "I'm very tired." " I'm so tired." " What was that?" "Here it comes." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "I had no idea." "Oh, my God it was terrible, there was this guy and I thought he was just going..." " Gemma, what's wrong?" " He kind of jumped me like an animal," " mauled me." " Wait, someone attacked you?" " Thank God you're here, thank God." " It's OK." " You've got to help me." " It's OK." "What are you doing?" "No!" "He's after me, I think he might have followed me." " What was that?" " There's nothing." "I heard him!" "Where is he?" "Someone followed you?" "Leave me alone!" " There's nobody there." " Leave me alone!" "Gemma, Gemma." " Gemma!" " Shh!" "Shh!" "Can you hear it?" "Can you hear it?" "Can you hear it?" "!" "Gemma, listen to me." "Whatever you think you can see or hear, it's not real, you're imagining it." "Get away from me!" "Get away from me!" " It's Nick, isn't it?" " What?" " What are you doing?" " It's your brother." "Alison, Gemma's brother died, I don't think..." "Why does he want you so badly?" "Why?" "He wants your skin, he wants your smell, he wants the taste of your body, why?" " No!" " Can I hold your hand?" " How old was he?" " A boy." "He was only a boy." "He didn't want to." "He knew it was wrong, he knew it was wrong." " He came to your room." " No, I went to his room." "I went into his room and I climbed into his bed." " And you said..." " I said it was OK." "I said it was gonna be OK." "He loved you." "He loved me." "Yeah, he loved me." "And then you threw him away." "You rejected him, why?" "Why?" " I don't..." " Why did you do that?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "I don't know." "I don't know." "It's OK." " I'll see you, Robert." " It's OK." "Alison, wait." "It's OK, I'm fine." "I'm juts gonna, um... turn up the volume." "I was scared, you see." "I was so scared... and I thought..." "I don't know what I thought." "I needed... comfort, safety." "And after Dad did what he did to me... maybe I thought that was love." "It felt real at the time." "Safe, loving." "All you had was me." "And all I had was you." "And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." "Gemma, so sorry to keep you waiting." "Alison?" "Alison!" "Alison, are you OK?" "Oh, my God."