"What are you gonna do to me?" "Make you feel the pain of a thousand deaths!" "♪ oops!" "I did it again ♪" "Aaaaah!" "It's so horrible!" "Stop!" "Sto-o-o-o-o-p!" "Ooh!" "Break time!" "Aaaah!" "♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪" "That kid's not so much of a half anymore." "Busted!" "TV is illegal!" "Oh, the big guy wants to see you downstairs." "Now!" "Oh, you are so busted!" "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." "Oh, boy." "Aaaah!" "Y-you wanted -- you wanted to see me, dark lord?" "You know, human television only exists in hell" "For the purposes of torture." "Not for entertainment." "It rots the mind." "And that is an actual fact." "I did not know that." "Aaaah!" "I knew that a little bit." "Well, your impertinence may have just paid off." "Nyah." "Behold!" "We have an emergency up on earth." "An American energy company called petromundo" "Is developing a drill which can literally" "Bore straight through to the center of the earth." "I really don't need to tell you" "Why that would be a problem for us." "Do I?" "Oh, because the center of earth is where hell is?" "You've been doing your homework." "I like that." "A lot." "Aaaah!" "I need you to go topside," "Infiltrate that company, and destroy that drill." "Completely." "Me, dark sire?" "But what do I know of earth?" "According to my surveillance, every tv show ever made." "And that, however flawed it may be," "Makes you the only demon who can blend in on earth." "How do I infiltrate that company, dark sir?" "I don't even work there." "You do now." "You and your family will leave for earth immediately." "Ooh." "Yeah, here's the thing." "My wife just got this new job" "At the department of demonomic affairs," "And she's really not gonna want to quit so " "Not a problem." "And she's fired." "What?" "!" "Uh-oh." "If you succeed," "I see executive stripes in your future." "Fail, and spend the rest of eternity" "Staring at the inside of a hellkon 5000 soul compactor." "Yes, nothing crushes souls like the hellkon 5000." "Now with soul-shredder option." "Hellkon." "Oh, and, uh, one more thing " "Uh, you can't use your powers on earth." "Wh" "Why not, dark sir?" "To protect your cover, you insufferable mutt." "You have to seem normal and fit in." "Plus, watching you struggle is fun for me." "Aaaah!" "See?" "That's fun." "It's funny." "Just to show you I'm fair, here's one pouch of devil dust." "Don't blow it all in one face." "Because you blow the dust" "In someone's face, you see?" "Good luck." "I'll be in touch." "♪ this is the story 'bout a demon from hell ♪" "♪ his job was torture, he tortured so well ♪" "♪ then he watched some illegal tv ♪" "♪ and satan launched him to earth to save hell ♪" "♪ from a drill that could destroy them permanently ♪" "♪ these are your neighbors from hell ♪" "♪ you are the neighbors from hell ♪" "♪ we are your neighbors from hell ♪" "Josh, quit it." "I'm hex messaging." "But I'm almost at level 666!" "Hi, family." "I'm home." "Ugh!" "They fired me!" "On day three!" "Why would they fire me?" "!" "Hmm." "No particular reason springs to mind." "Hey, I have some interesting news." "I got a transfer." "To earth!" "What?" "!" "And we're all going!" "Yay!" "That's great, right?" "!" "Earth?" "Blech." "It's too cold." "Ew." "That's where ugg boots come from." "Ugg-g-g-g." "And humans." "Double "ugh."" "Look, everybody, it's an assignment" "From the big guy himself." "Plus, if I do well," "Satan can press that button that unfires your mother." "You got me fired!" "Oh, no!" "No, not on purpose!" "Wait a tick!" "Oh." "Eh." "Ow!" "Ooh!" "Ha!" "Hmm!" "If you all go to earth," "What becomes of the goblin and moi?" "You ain't leaving' this behind." "Because when it comes to this family, I'm the muscle!" "See?" "Pazuzu wants to go to earth!" "All aboard the family adventure!" "Choo choo!" "See?" "This doesn't seem so bad." "Hi-yoo!" "You must be the new neighbors!" "Hi!" "Inside right now." "These people are maniacs!" ""char-don-nay."" "Mmm." "Don't mind if I do-nay." "All right, family." ""snorfindesdrillsalgoho."" "Can anyone tell me what that means?" "Seem normal, fit in," "Destroy the drill," "Save hell, and go home." "Wow." "I did not think anyone would get that that fast." "Dude, I totally get you." "Question." "How does one fit in" "With these dirty, stinking, wretched, filthy humans?" "Great question." ""Family Ties," "Growing Pains," "Cosby Show," "Alf."" "Pazuzu, pay special attention to that one." "We're all gonna study these shows" "And learn to behave like a real human family." "Doorbell is singing again." "Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding " "I hope it's another one of those girls from the cookie army." "Okay, everyone." "Snorfindesdrillsalgoho!" "Act human." "Welcome wagon!" "Marjoe Saint Sparks from before." "With the poo and the hi-yoo?" "This is my soul mate, champers." "Say hi-yoo, champers." "Hi-yoo!" "Hi, I'm Balthazor." "This is my wife, Tina." "My daughter, Mandy." "My son, Josh." "Uncle Vlaartark." "And my soul mate, Pazuzu." "You have a dog, too." "Ah!" "And he's intact!" "He's not a dog." "I know what you mean." "I don't consider champers a dog, either." "Especially after "the late late show."" "Mmm!" "Bark." "You should bring your family over tomorrow night." "We'll have an all-american showcase-showdown barbecue." "Or let's just not have a barbecue." "Not a chance, girl!" "It'll be fun!" "I'll help." "I'll take you to my grocer." "She'd love to go." "Please, no, Balthy." "Anything but this." "I'll make it up to you, I promise." "Damn, you know how to turn my crank." "Damn, damn, da-a-a-mn!" "Waiter!" "We'll have what they're having!" "Aaah!" "Almost got you there, boy." "Next time I won't miss." "Don Killbride -- ceo, petromundo." "Hello, sir." "Balthazor Hellman." "Damn glad to have you, Hellman." "Damn glad." "As you may know," "Our last V.P. of "R" and "D" just up and died last week." "32-year-old guy." "Damnedest thing." "He was eating a brunchables at his desk," "And his heart exploded." "And now here you are" "With the perfect qualifications to replace him." "Excuse me, sir." "We've had an explosion in our mine in Russia." "Uh, 500 people are trapped." "How do you want to handle it?" "Seal it." "Collect the insurance money." "Tell the families we did all we could, and move on." "Holy fitted sheets." "Want to see my..." "Big drill?" "Yes, yes, yes." "So I say to Brad, "look, Brad, drugs are everywhere," "And we need to keep our kids clean."" "So we decided to make them do smack every day after school" "Until they couldn't even stand the sight of it." "It's fun!" "Snorfin, snorfin, snorfin, snorfin..." "What's your favorite thing to barbecue?" "Cat." "You are such a Stitch, girl." "Where's Lilo?" "Hi-yoo!" "You mean you don't eat cat?" "Not unless I'm in a chinese restaurant." "Oh, can I get a double what-what, whawhat?" "What are you doing, you goose?" "This is the third time he's gotten wammy-jammied in there." "Hung-kong phooey!" "Balthazor:" "This is better than "CSI:" "Miami."" "heads up, ass clowns!" "This is Balthazor Hellman, our new V.P. of "R" and "D."" "Hey, gang." "Pow!" "Pow!" "And this is my little turkey, Chevdet." "I'm not a turkey, sir." "I am from the Republic of the Turkey." "Whatever you say, dark meat." "Gobble gobble." "Anyway, Chevdet here is the brains behind my big drill." "If anything were ever to happen to this little brown genius," "The whole drill project would be like" "Every marriage I've ever had -- dead on arrival." "You don't say." "Hot corn!" "A baby owl just got stuck in the atrium fountain." "I'm gonna go down there" "And bash its brains in with my 3 wood." "Do you like Mexican finger food?" "I love tapas, son." "But I have a board presentation at 3:00, and I am not ready." "I'd never do anything to get you too drunk" "To make your super-important 3:00 meeting" "Which would in turn initiate a sequence of events" "That would eventually destroy the drill." "Come on, let's go!" "Tapas place!" "Come on, Chevdet." "Please come share small plates with me." "Sorry, son." "Rain check." "Devil dust!" "Yes, I would love to join you for small plates." "Double fist pump!" "Unh!" "Unh!" "And so I say to Brad, "Brad, Scotty's in second grade." "It's time for the birds and the bees talk."" "So one morning, while Scotty's enjoying brekkies," "Brad and I up and do it right there in the bakfast nook." "I mean, Brad gave me a solid rogering right there" "Under my shelf of negro salt and pepper shakers." "That doesn't offend you, right?" "'cause we do it "ironically."" "I'm going to put my hands around your neck" "Just to see how it feels." "Girl, this is so nice." "I feel so connected to you right now." "You and I are exactly alike." "You and I are nothing alike." "Believe it or not, you're my first Spanish friend." "I am not Spanish." "I can't wait to go on a cruise with you." "A Penélope Cruz!" "Spanish wordplay!" "Olé!" "Knock knock!" "What fresh hell is this?" "Oh, it's Tammy Shinola from next door!" "The other next door." "Not my next door." "We're not lezarinos, even though she'd get on this persh if she could." "Word to the wise," "Tammy's got a little glug-glug-plus-vicodin problem." "I'll get it." "Hey, girl!" "What's going on?" "!" "My cat scrambles is missing." "I can't find my precious anywhere." "Scramb-l-l-l-les!" "What?" "Don't tell me eating cats is démodé here on earth?" "Did he just say "earth"?" "What in the Sam H. Cracker is going on here, girl?" "Great going, Einstein." "Now we're "e" equals m.c. screwed." "My friend would like four more freakytinis, please." "I got to go back to work." "Freakytini time!" "No way!" "I have a 3:00 presentation to the board." "And I am housed, man." "I am housed." "Devil dust!" "More freakytinis, please." "I'm ready to get my mindfreak on." "Triple fist pump." "Unh!" "Unh!" "Unh!" "Do I seem drunk, man?" "No." "You seem great." "Because if I screw up this presentation," "They could fire me and cancel the drill project." "Oh, really?" "I had no idea." "Aaaah!" "It burns!" "Look at me." "I am a terrible drunk." "Just like my drunk dirty father back in Istanbul." "I moved to America" "To make a better life for myself and my family." "Now look at me." "I'm a filthy disgrace." "You know, I came to America to help my family, too, Chevdet." "You did?" "See, man, people don't know" "How hard it is for guys like us." "And now I've blown it, son." "If I go in there, I am fired." "I am ass-canned!" "All these tevetoglus are dependent on me." "You should see my tax forms!" "And I am going to bring them sha-a-a-a-me!" "Wait here." "Mr. Killbride," "Can we please move Chevdet's presentation until tomorrow?" "We just went to lunch," "And I think he ate some bad cheese." "Food poisoning?" "Poor little brown ape." "Is he exploding on the bowl right now?" "Yes, sir." "And in his pants." "Monkey-loving cheese." "Probably from China." "The only thing that country makes that can't kill you" "Is their handguns." "Let's push till tomorrow, people." "Um, my mother's funeral is tomorrow, sir." "I can't make it." "Show up, Marty, or I'll bury you" "With your dead-bag-of-hooker-bones mother." "I'll be here." "Stupid dad." "I'm nothing like you!" "You're off the hook, Chevdet." "You can do your presentation tomorrow." "What?" "Ooh, you saved my ass." "Thank you, man." "I want to kiss you on the mouth with appreciation." "I owe you my life." "Ah, Chevdet!" "Oh." "Freaky jalapeño tapas poppers." "What's going on in here?" "Tina, did you kill the neighbors?" "Snorfindesdrillsalgoho." "No!" "They are unconscious, thank you very much." "And what the snorfindesdrillsalgoho" "Is on your shoulder?" "This is Chevdet Tevetoglu," "The brains behind the drill." "I couldn't get him fired and ruin his life." "Why not?" "Because he's a terrific guy!" "Oh, come on!" "I did my part." "I convinced Marjoe we're normal." "Great job." "She's unconscious." "So is your guy!" "Aw, come on!" "You come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Mom." "Dad." "Please stop arguing." "I can't do my spells if I'm upset." "No spells!" "Spells are not snorfin!" "We are demons, Balthazor!" "We can't just put our lights under a bushel!" "Wait." "You're demons?" "I thought you had green, shiny skin 'cause you were Jewish." "What's happening?" "Where am I?" "Marjoe, the new neighbors are demon!" "Not Jew!" "Ohhh!" "That's even worse!" "It's all falling apart!" "And I'm out of devil dust!" "Aaaah!" "And freeze time!" "Right now, stop it!" "Stop it all of you!" "Balthazor, Tina's doing her best to snorfin." "She spent the day with this maroon on the floor." "If you don't think that's snorfin," "Then you wouldn't know what snorfin is" "If it sat on your face with a nametag that said," ""Hello, my name is snorfin"!" "And, Tina, give Balthazor a freakin' break." "He busts his berklarks for this family." "All he wants to do" "Is make a better life for you and the kids." "Plus, punishing the undeserving is not the way of the demon!" "Oh, come on, guy." "This is J.V." "All right, if we all want to get back home," "We have to help Balthazor succeed, as a family." "That means, Josh, re-animate scrambles." "Ew." "And, Mandy, erase the memories" "Of these train wrecks on the floor." "Remember, we are demons." "And we have a job to do, so sack up!" "You got it?" "!" "And unfreeze time!" "Scrambles!" "There you are, my fuzzy angel." "Mommy wuvs wu!" "Hey, what am I doing on the floor?" "Did I accidentally sip some of Tammy's "vitamin" water?" "Oh, no." "We were just getting ready for a barbecue." "It's tomorrow." "You really must come." "I'm sorry, hon-bun bear." "It looks like this mission's gonna take longer than a week." "Are you mad?" "Last night, I realized something, Balthazor." "Life on earth is miserable," "But it's forcing us to work together as a family." "And I don't think we've ever been closer." "We had to leave home to find home!" "We're each other's home!" "And it doesn't matter" "If it takes another week or 10-hundred years." "At least we have each other!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, soldier boy." "Just because I'm lookin' at the bright side" "Don't mean I don't want to go back home to the dark side." "And we will get back home to the dark side." "I'll destroy that drill so hard." "I'm so pumped!" "Barbecuba gooding junior!" "Oh, wordplayimus maximus!" "Well, hi-yoo!" "It's marjoe, my favorite girl, who loves to wordplay." "Oh, for sho' and tell!" "Hiyo, back girl!" "Byoooh!" "Guess what." "We bought Scotty a goldfish," "And it's black just like those neighbors I ran out of town." "So you'll never guess what we named it." "Starts with an "n"" "And rhymes with a "winnie the pooh" character." "Oh!" "Off-color Disney humor, yo!" "Wassup?" "!" "Help!" "Hi-yoo!" "Brad!" "Oh, help!" "I'm drowning!" "I love you guys." "We love you, too." "We love you." "We love you."