"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to raise a glass" "To the newest analyst here at Sharpe Financial Management..." "June Colburn!" "This is the best day of my life." "My mom always said," ""if you're willing to do whatever it takes," "You can make anything come true."" "Do I have any regrets?" "Drink it!" "Drink it, you bitch!" "Oh, my god!" "June, what the hell is wrong w..." "drink it!" "Drink it!" "No." "♪ I'm not perfect, I'm no snitch ♪" "♪ but I can tell you ♪" "♪ she's a... ♪" "♪ ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ♪" "♪ ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ♪" "What is the amazon?" "What is the amazon?" "Ooh!" "Yes." "Still control the board." "Uh, I'll take, uh, sports $400." "I'm going out." "This team moved from Minneapolis..." "I'm home!" "♪ like a shotgun ♪" "♪ needs an outcome ♪" "♪ I'm your prostitute ♪" "What is Mozambique?" "That's it." "$800, please." "This country is... ♪ got you around my finger like a lonely lover's charm ♪" "♪" "♪ you gon' get some ♪" "Who is Sam Spade?" "Yes." "And you're still in control of the board." "I'll take..." "We need to talk." "We need to talk." "You have a problem." "You've got a problem." "Me?" "I'm not the one coming home wasted every morning." "June, you're an addict." "You are shoveling food into your face constantly." "I leave at night, you're eating." "I come home in the morning, you're eating." "Sometimes, I see you leave the house" "In the middle of the day with a bag of food." "That's called breakfast, lunch, and dinner" "I don't care what the street names are called." "The intersection is death." "Hey!" "I'm not the one out partying every night." "I'm not partying." "I'm making connections." "I'm creating opportunities." "For example, last night, I peed next to Jada Pinkett Smith," "And now I'm invited to Tom Hanks' Easter egg hunt." "Look, I am doing everything I can." "I have papered Wall Street with my resume," "And I cannot get an interview anywhere." "That's because your approach is all wrong." "You can't rely on a piece of paper." "You have to get your face out there," "And your boobs up here." "Come on, June." "At least try." "Are they really sagging?" "A little." "Chloe's right." "It's all who you know." "I wanna succeed," "But I wanna be judged on the quality of my work," "Not who I know." "Excuse me." "A homeless man just threw up on the sandwich case." "I know you're gonna mop the hell out of that vomit." "That is gross." "So then it turned out" "The grapes weren't seedless after all." "So..." "Mom," "Instead of chatting every day," "I was thinking maybe we can start chatting every other day." "What?" "No!" "We have important things we need to tell you about." "Okay, well, I'm gonna let you go..." "Your father got a new smartphone!" "Yeah!" "Look it!" "I can check the weather anywhere in the country, honey." "It's 37 degrees where you are." "And flurries!" "Ooh!" "Brr!" "June, hey, quick question." "I'm meeting a film crew today." "Which one do you think I should go with," "Cuban heel" "Or flamenco boot?" "Is that James Van Der Beek?" "James!" "Hey!" "James, honey!" "I just read that you're gonna be on "Dancing With The Stars."" "You are going to win!" "Really?" "You think so?" "I know so!" "I am the number one "DWTS" fan!" "Your only real competition is Dean Cain." "He was..." "Superman." "Yeah, like seven supermans ago." "Okay, guys, well, I'm gonna go." "Bye, honey." "So, James, who's your partner?" "Uh, we don't know yet." "They, um, they keep the pairings a secret," "And then they tape the introduction live" "To preserve the magic." "Well, your partner is crucial." "All right, bye!" "See you later!" "We'll talk." "No, it... hold on..." "James?" "What d..." "Okay, come on, get dressed." "We have to make it to the bar" "Before the stock exchange closes," "Unless you'd rather stuff your pie hole" "Until the seams of your housecoat explode." "Chloe, I'm not drinking my way into a job." "If you want your dreams to come true," "You need to do whatever it takes." "Now slip off your panties and put on this dress." "Damn!" "You guys work at J.T. Franklin?" "You had a great third quarter." "I must've left a dozen voice mails" "For your H.R. Department." "Those voice mails are hilarious!" "Dude, I even made one my ringtone." "Chloe, I'm going home." "These guys are jerks, and I'm exhausted and hungry and..." "Fine!" "Give me your drink and get out of here, quitter!" "Wait, what were we talking about?" "Why am I mad at you?" "Here you go." "Thank you." "Oh!" "Nice Rolex." "Who's its daddy?" "My name's Trey." "Hi, Trey." "Are you in the finance game?" "Oh, I love games..." "Monopoly," "Chutes and ladders." "Candyland." "You should see my gumdrop mountains." "Mmm!" "Mmm!" "Mmm!" "Let's take before and after pictures." "What?" "Okay?" "Let's see how sweaty we get." "I sweat when I eat peppers." "Really?" "Oh, yeah." "Whoa!" "What?" "Oh!" "Let's get down to business, businessman." "Hey, is Chloe here?" "Mnh-mnh." "She asked me to give her a heads-up" "If I discovered any interesting party combinations." "Last night, I was working at the E.R... and someone got a little creative..." "Expired mexican nasal spray and pomegranate juice." "When mixed together, they become what is known as a "mind bang."" "Like, kaboom!" ""what happened?" so..." "Hello?" "June Colburn?" "Yes, this is June Colburn." "Miss Colburn, I'm calling from Gabe Sharpe's office" "At Sharpe Financial Management." "We'd like you to come in for an interview." "I'd would g... j... w..." "excellent." "3:00 today." "Was that for the job interview I got you" "At Sharper Financial Management?" "Wait!" "You did this?" "I told you... networking." "I went out, I met this super hot guy Trey." "He works there." "And..." "Boom." "Got you the interview." "Oh!" "Wow." "Whoo!" "I'm gonna feel this tomorrow." "Oh, your hangover?" "Yeah, sure." "Oh!" "♪ ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ♪" "Before graduating at the top of my class," "I had two premier internships..." "Mm-hmm." "How very impressive." "Caramel chew?" "Oh." "Uh, sure." "I can't believe I'm here." "I've..." "I've been trying for..." "months to..." "Get an interview here." "Sorry." "Hmm?" "Um..." "Yeah?" "This caramel chew..." "Ah." "There's a lot." "So your resume made it to the top of the heap" "Because my son Trey is so taken with your friend Chloe." "Trey's your son?" "Mm-hmm, and I would do anything for him." "So..." "Congratulations." "You are hired!" "Oh, my god!" "That is amazing!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh, I'm so sorry." "I just..." "I just drooled on you." "I..." "Oh, whoa." "I'm trying to swallow this thing whole but it... it fought me." "We just have a few more formalities..." "Background check, drug test." "Just take a few more days," "And then we can make it official." "You will not be disappointed." "Good." "Oh, here's my son Trey." "He wants to meet Chloe's roommate." "I put stickers on my tie." "This is..." "Mm-hmm." "Uh, C-Chloe's Trey?" "Chloe cut my belt and then did things to my jumbles." "I have a fever now..." "In my swimsuit." "+" "Trey works here?" "I like trains." "Yeah, he used to be one of our most cutthroat and successful brokers... before "the incident."" "Look, professor x," "We have been over this." "I took a gamble with your money, and you lost." "The money is gone." "Move out of your R.V., move in with your daughter," "Start organizing your pills, and get ready to die, bitch." "What are you doing?" "Seriously, what are you doing?" "Aah!" "But the doctors" "Are confident that he'll make a full recovery" "If he comes in every day and keeps to his routine." "Now being intimate with, uh, your friend Chloe" "Was a real milestone for my son." "If they should break up, that would make me very sad," "And I don't know if I'd still be in the hiring mood." "I-I will do whatever I..." "Need to do" "To keep them intimate." "I will get in their myself." "Get in there!" "What's going on here?" "Oh." "I'm waiting for my pedicure to dry" "Before I put on my Cuban heels." "As I make the transition from actor to dancer," "My feet are my new face." "Well, then I kinda want to punch you in the feet." "Oh, hey!" "How'd it go?" "Great." "Um, they hired me on the spot." "If all goes well, I start on Friday." "Yay!" "All right!" "So you're finally back in the restaurant biz." "I'm not..." "Um, so..." "I met Trey." "He's..." "He's nice." "Nice to look at naked on the kitchen floor," "Crumbs stuck to his ass." "Um, how drunk were you?" "Shattered!" "Now if you'll excuse me," "I'm gonna go get drunk and have sex on the subway." "Trey has a thing for trains." "Ah." "Okay." "So you know Chloe well." "Yeah." "Has she ever dated a guy who's not up to her..." "Physical and/or..." "Mental standards?" "Oh, no!" "What, has she got her martini goggles on again?" "Yeah, every once in a while," "She goes through these periods" "Where she just gets super smashed" "And her judgment goes right out the window." "I mean, she'll get on a tree stump" "And think it's a Kennedy." "That's e... that's exactly what's happening." "Well, it's all right." "You just tell her." "She'll have a laugh," "Set fire to his car, and move on." "I will." "I-I w..." "I will totally tell her..." "Right after I sign my contract on Friday." "This is my dream job," "And Chloe said herself to do whatever it takes." "Devious." "James likey." "What do you think?" "That's gonna be" "My new catchphrase for "Dancing With The Stars."" "I'm gonna say it as often as I can." "James likey." "Oh, it's so much fun to watch your process." "It is." "You look great, James." "Oh, thank you." "You're the most flexible contestant we've had" "Since Richard Grieco." "It's all happening." "Okay, so that's your partner," "So you're gonna greet her," "And we'll go right into the introductory dance." "I've missed you, America." "Ohh!" "Aw,." "Angie Beckencort?" "!" "James, she's an 8-time loser." "It was a nightmare." "No." "Blfft!" "Sorry." "It's a little dry." "Hold on, let me just..." "I gotta take this." "I read on her blog that she's trying to get financing" "For some Eskimo movie that she wants to star in." "That greasy slut!" "We have to do something." "Dean Cain is dancing with champion Karina Smirnoff." "Oh!" "So it's over." "It... it..." "It's over before it begins." "Are you chatting with my mom?" "Not now, June." "Mom, I've left you five messages!" "I-I got this job offer!" "But I don't..." "Sweetheart, we don't have to chat every day." "Thank you, Connie." "It's like all of a sudden, god hates me." "Oh, no, he doesn't." "Oh, hey!" "Don't mind us." "Trey just wanted to see what kind of toys I have in my room." "We bought batteries!" "Mm!" "Mmm!" "Ooh, isn't gorgeous?" "Huh." "Hey, baby." "He is something else." "My body makes salt!" "So is he... is he staying until the sober light of morning?" "Yeah, he said he wants to make a fort." "I have no idea what that means, but I am so down." "Ah!" "Come on." "Let's make a fort." "Come on, big boy." "Hey." "Hey." "Santa?" "Yes, I am Santa," "And you are the only one that can save Christmas." "I knew this day would come." "Wrong door!" "June Colburn." "Analyst." "Sharpe Financial Management" "Nice!" "They even spelled your name right." "Yeah, I've been trying to get a new one for six months." "Apparently, these things are $125." "Thanks for everything, Mark." "Oh." "You helped me through the lowest point of my life." "This job saved me." "Hey, no problem." "Hey, can I take you out tonight to say thank you?" "There's this bar near wall street" "That Chloe took me to." "Oh, yeah." "I've been to the meet market." "I printed my resume on some cocktail napkins" "And left 'em inside." "So, yeah, I'm desperate, and the darkness is closing in." "Great." "I will see you tonight." "What is A.I.D.S.?" "!" "Who is George Washington?" "Oh." "I thought it was A.I.D.S." "Correct." "And you're still in control of the board." "I'll take Broadway Musicals." "What are you doing?" "Eating and watching old man questions." "Why are you eating?" "Why are you not drinking a martini?" "You were right." "I've been partying way too hard." "I mean, this morning I woke up, and trey was gone," "And I barely even remember last night." "You know I've never been with him sober?" "You are so right." "You should... you should totally be with him sober," "Right after Friday." "The next two days," "You should drink as much as you possibly can." "That way, when you stop, it'll mean... it'll mean so much more." "Nah, I gotta do this now." "I've been on a bender, and it's too much, even for me." "So we're going out tonight, and I'm not even gonna drink." "What the..." "My apple!" "Oh, sorry!" "I just did that 'cause I was so excited" "I had this great idea!" "I'm going out with mark tonight," "And you and trey should come," "And we all should get blotto!" "Let's start now!" "Whoo!" "What are you talking about?" "You're the one who said I had a problem." "Well, I'm a food addict, so don't... don't listen to me." "Drink!" "Drink it." "No, I don't want it." "Drink it." "I'm good." "Drink it." "June..." "Drink it!" "Drink it!" "Drink it, you bitch!" "Oh, my god!" "June, what the hell is wrong with you?" "!" "Drink it!" "Drink it!" "What the hell?" "!" "now I'm gonna have to go change!" "Trey was right about you." "You are a loud lady with a nice caboose." "Okay." "I gotta get creative." "But you said that Chloe shouldn't have these," "That they contribute to her "problem" and..." "She needs antioxidants." "Oh." "Okay." "Well, in that case, you can have 'em..." "On one condition..." "I get to go out with you guys." "♪ they see me rollin' ♪" "♪ they hatin' ♪" "♪ patrolling', they tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty ♪" "♪ tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty ♪" "♪ tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty ♪" "♪ tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty ♪" "♪ my music so loud ♪" "♪ I'm swangin' ♪" "♪ they hoping' that they gon' catch me ridin' dirty ♪" "♪ tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty ♪" "Boom!" "There's money in my head!" "I like that, but it scares me." "It should!" "I'm a wizard!" "Oh!" "♪" "What's up with Chloe?" "What?" "Nothing." "Nothing's wrong with Chloe." "Chloe's a party girl." "Party girls party." "She's punching some lady's cake." "You're a grown woman!" "There's a clown on it!" "I gave her something called a mind bang" "So she'll keep thinking trey is a hot piece of ass." "What?" "!" "She's only ever seen him with martini goggles," "And he's the boss' son, and I sign my contract on Friday." "June, I know how much getting back on Wall Street means" "Better than anyone, but morally, this is just wrong." "Once I'm in, I'll get you a job." "She is fine." "Party, party girl!" "Party!" "Aah!" "Yeah, we're going to hell." "Yes, we are." "It's a beautiful, beach-adjacent, 2-bedroom condo" "On the Mexican Riviera." "Now my chiropractor's earmarked August," "But any other time, it's yours." "You wanna trade your timeshare" "For my "Dancing With The Stars" partner?" "Dean, honestly, if I were you, I would jump on this." "This is..." "I mean..." "Tortuga del cielo." "I-isn't that a gay resort?" "It wasn't when I bought it." "I'm not gonna sell you on the Mexican Riviera." "I know why you're doing this." "Yeah, your partner's Angie Beckencort," "And you're gonna lose." "I need Karina Smirnoff, Dean," "And I'm not gonna make a fool of myself on national television." "Yes, you are," "And I'm gonna be backstage, eating fresh pineapple" "Flipping you the mental bird," "Just like I'm doing right now." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Stop." "Dean Cain sounds like an animal." "You should've heard him, diminishing Mexico." "How badly do you want this?" "So bad." "Then you have to do whatever it takes to get it." "Is your money pretty liquid right now?" "It can be." "Good." "Then we can liquidate our little Angie problem." "Huh." "Oh, by the way," "My church group sent you some brownies." "I hope you're not allergic to nuts or love." "Aw." "To the newest analyst here at Sharpe Financial Management..." "June Colburn!" "Hi, how are you?" "Hi, how are you?" "Oh, gosh." "She's here." "Hello." "Hi!" "And she looks sober." "Hi!" "Trey invited me." "Chloe!" "What are you... what are you..." "oh, are you wondering" "Why I'm kissing Trey without my martini goggles on?" "How did you know?" "James told me." "Ugh." "These brownies taste like love." "Who made them?" "June's mom." "You're dating "I am Sam."" "again?" "So..." "You've seen trey as he is and you're okay with that?" "Well, I googled him and found out" "He's worth $3.2 billion." "So I took my martini goggles off and put my money goggles on." "So..." "We're okay?" "I mean, you get a rich boyfriend," "And I get my dream job," "And everybody wins?" " Sweetheart!" " Oh, my pretty wife!" "Oh!" "He's married?" "!" "Oh, so what?" "I don't care." "She probably knows." "Yeah." "Yeah, I mean, come on, we're all grownups." "Daddy!" "Oh, my tiny son!" "I climbed on top of my wife, and a little man came out." "I guess you didn't know about the, uh..." "Oh, but most of our brokers have an extra parking space." "It's obvious that you're fine with the old side-tush," "Given the, uh, circumstances of your referral." "You know, it's refreshing to have a woman around who gets it." "Uh..." "No." "No, I-I-I do not get it." "Aah!" "Oh, my turtle's dead." "W-whoa, whoa, whoa." "Wait." "He understands mortality!" "Doctors say that that is a huge sign of progress!" "Okay, I-I can't do this." "I lied to my roommate, I kept her drunk," "I sacrificed my integrity just for a stupid job." "But not anymore." "Chloe, I am sorry, but I am not willing to do whatever it takes." "Mr. Sharpe, I quit." "Fine." "Your skirt's too long anyway." "Okay, bye, June!" "We'll send you a postcard from Barbados." "Chloe." "Take your money goggles off." "No!" "Chloe, he has a wife and a child." "And a jet!" "Chloe, you are better than this." "Take the money goggles off." "Fine." "Hi!" "Ah!" "Well..." "That's unfortunate." "I'm gonna set fire to his car to punish him for my mistake." "See?" "That sounds like you." "so, yeah," "This anonymous investor just gave us the cash" "To finance my movie." "I'm leaving for Greenland tomorrow." "Mmm!" "Eskimos!" "Yeah." "But good luck with "Dancing With The Stars."" "I hope you find another really great partner." "Ah, you're a tough act to follow." "Oh, miss you already." "Best money you ever spent." "Best advice you ever gave." "Did you know that the Eskimos migrated to Alaska" "Via a prehistoric land bridge?" "Donald, what did we say about having our own friends."