"[rock music]" "♪" " Watch in awe as the Amazing Lincoln displays his unbelievable yo-yo skills." "I shall now walk the dog." "Not you, Charles." "I meant the yo-yo." " [whining]" " I shall now go around the world." "Sorry, still talking about the yo-yo." " [whining] [banging] [crashing]" " The Amazing Lincoln will now take a brief intermission." "Yikes." "I better go tell Lisa." " You've completely destroyed my life's work!" "I despise you, and you no longer exist to me!" " Yeah, I'm not telling Lisa." " [whining]" " Oh, come on, Charles, when did you get a conscience?" "I've seen you poop on the couch." "Besides, if I just walk away, what's the worst thing that could happen?" "I'll just remove the evidence, and they'll be none the wiser." "[suspenseful music] [explosion]" " I don't understand what went wrong." "Science is a fickle mistress." " Hi, Lori." "Have we always had a window in our closet?" " [sighs] It's not a window." "Lisa's experiment blew a hole in the wall." "What's this?" ""To my bodacious babe"?" "Leni, why is this picture of Bobby hidden on your side of the closet?" " Oh, there it is." "That was a surprise present from Bobby for your 88-day-a-versary." "He asked me to hide it for him, but I forgot where I put it." " That anniversary was eight days ago." "And Bobby gave me socks." "I can't believe this." "You're literally seeing Bobby behind my back!" "You are no longer my sister!" " Everything okay after that unexpected and totally random explosion that I know nothing about?" " Argh!" "[slamming door] [crashing]" " What happened?" " A shelf fell on your head." " Of course." "Everyone knows that an object falling at a velocity of 9.8 meters per second squared will result in a temporary loss of consciousness." " I knew that." "The question is, how did you?" " Hey, I saw this in a movie once." "I bet getting hit on the head altered Leni's brain and made her smart." " Lincoln, you seem unable to distinguish between scientific fact and preposterous Hollywood schlock." " I don't get it." " See?" "Same old Leni-- can't even understand simple English." " No, I don't get why you multiplied your Z-polynomials before solving your non-negative integer exponents." " [gasps]" " Now, if you'll excuse me," "I'm off to disprove Newtonian physics." "Bye-bye!" " My world no longer makes sense." " [growling]" " Don't you have a couch to poop on?" "Charles, that was a rhetorical question." " [whines]" " [screaming] [smashing] [panting]" " What are you so upset about?" " I just got kicked off all my sports teams because I'm failing school!" " How could you fail?" "Doesn't Lisa tutor you?" " She used to, until she dropped out and got a job as a gas station attendant at Flip's Food N' Fuel." " She what?" " Ugh!" "Without sports, my life is meaningless!" " I present to you your new Miss Cute, and-- [smash]" "Ow, my nose!" "[gasps]" "I am a hideous monster." " It's not that bad, Lola." " My pageant career is over!" "[smashing, teeth crackling] Oh, my teeth!" "[sobbing]" " [growling]" " Fine." "I'll fix it." "[tires screeching]" "Lisa, why are you doing this?" " Flip's the only guy who'll hire four-year-olds with no experience." " No, I mean, why are you doing any of this?" "Come home." "Lynn needs you." " Why don't you get Miss Smarty-Pants to help her?" "Speak of the devil..." "Regular or unleaded?" " Oh, I don't need gas." "I just won the Nobel Prize for inventing a car that runs on apple juice." " Of course you did." " Fill her up, please." " And then we'll all get in Leni's juice-mobile, go home, and forget all this nonsense." " Can't, I'm off to Harvard." "Au revoir!" "Adios!" "Auf Wiedersehen." "Andaloha." " Aha!" "Alohameans "hello."" " It also means "good-bye."" " Dang it, I used to know that." " Hey, Chatty Cathy, back to work!" "[phone ringing]" " Hello?" "Charles?" " [barking]" " She's what?" " [barking]" " All right, I'm on my way." " Look who it is-- Miss Soon-to-Heal." " [grunting]" "What do you want?" " [screaming]" "I mean, you're looking better." " Oh, nice try, Lincoln, But I am out of here." "I can't stay where I'm constantly reminded of my former self-- my beautiful, beautiful self." " But--but-  [grunting] [smack!" "]" "I'll send for this." " Lola, wait!" "Oof!" " Careful, Lincoln, you get could seriously injured." " Lana, what are you doing in there?" " I saw what happened to Lola." "Life is a fragile thing." "I don't want to take any risks." " But you're the queen of risks." "Wasthe queen of risks." "From now on, I'll stay in here where it's safe." "You know what I'm talking about, huh, Geo?" " Lana, you can't be serious." "Lana?" " ♪ Things have gotten drastic ♪" "♪ Now my sister lives in plastic ♪" "♪ Where did it all go wrong?" " Luna?" " Check it, bro." "I uploaded a song I wrote about our family going down the highway to-- hello!" "I just got 50 more hits!" "[crashing]" " [gasps] Mick Swagger?" " Your singing is amazing." "You got to join my tour!" " Luna is in!" " Don't you leave too!" "The family's falling apart!" " Sorry, dude!" "[suspenseful music]" " Clyde, this is Lincoln." "Come in." "I've got a code blue!" " Code blue?" "You did something wrong and lied about it and now everything is all messed up?" " Affirmative." "Can you come over?" " Negative." "I've got a code green." " You showed up to school in your underwear?" " No, that's code orange." "Hang on." "[camera shutter clicks]" " Sweet mother of" "What are you doing with Lori?" " I've been trying to tell you." "A code green:" "Lori broke up with Bobby, and I'm the rebound guy!" " Happy eight-minute-a-versary, shnookie boo-boo sugar bear." " Bleh!" "What is happening to my family?" " Knock, knock." " Who's there?" " This is not a joke, Lincoln." "Do you know what's going on in the world?" "Here, take Mr. Coconuts." "He just reminds me of all the trees being cut down in the rainforest." " Wait, Luan-- what brought this on?" " Well, ever since Luna left," "I've had no one to try my jokes out on, so I've been watching a lot of cable news." "And what I've seen is horrific." "So I've decided to become... an activist!" " Don't be ridiculous." "You're a comedian." "[pie splatters]" "See?" "Funny, right?" "[rumbling] [animals howling]" "What the heck was that?" " They're just Lana's pets." "I liberated them." "And now I'm off to heal this ticking time bomb we call Earth." " Wait, Luan." "You can't be serious." "[monkey screams]" "Argh!" "[monkey chattering]" "Get back here, Izzy!" " [rattling]" "Izzy, come to Uncle Lincoln!" " And now for tonight's top stories:" "Former rising star Luna Loud was kicked off the Mick Swagger tour for destroying a hotel room." " [in British accent] All I wanted was a bleeding pillow mint!" " Luna?" " In a "related" story, former comedian turned activist Luan Loud has chained herself to a giant redwood." " Hey, hey, ho, ho!" "Keep your hands off!" "Let it grow!" " Luan?" " I'm being told we have breaking news." " Please don't be one of my sisters." " Tucker, I'm here at Flip's Food N' Fuel, where two unknown bandits have just made off with a carload of beef jerky and a cotton candy machine." " They're not unknown;" "they're my sisters." "[slurping]" "Their betrayal hurts more than this brain freeze." " I'm getting word that the bandits are currently leading police on a slow-speed chase." "[sirens wailing] [helicopters whirring]" " Where did it all go wrong?" " One has to wonder:" "where did it all go wrong for these girls?" "And why is a four-year-old working at a gas station?" " Interview over!" "Wait--don't forget to come down to Flip's Food N' Fuel, home of the Flippee!" "Now the interview's over." " I was watching that." " Argh!" "Lucy, at least you're still normal." " [hissing]" " Argh!" "Not normal!" " I was bitten by Lana's liberated vampire bat." "Greatest day ever." "[smoke poofs]" " Nine sisters lost, but there's still one I can save." "[dramatic music]" "Lily?" "[crashing]" " [giggling]" " Lily!" "Oh, no!" "Lisa's chemicals!" "What have I done?" " Mmm." "Yum, yum." "♪" " Don't eat me, Lily!" "[screaming]" "So that's the worst thing that could happen." " [barking]" " I totally agree." "I'm going to tell Lisa." " Tell Lisa what?" "[gasping]" " I was playing with my yo-yo, and it got out of control and wrecked your experiment, and I'm really, really sorry!" "Go ahead and disown me, 'cause I deserve it!" "I'm confused." "You're not mad?" " Mad?" "I'm ecstatic!" "You proved my hypothesis." "Your recklessness was the one variable my rigidly controlled experiment sorely needed." " I'm still confused." " I'm saying thank you for being a clumsy doofus." "And thanks for admitting what you did." " I didn't have a choice." "I didn't want you to work at a gas station, or Lynn and Lola to turn to a life of crime, or Lana to live in a bubble, or--or--or" " Fascinating." "Exposure to my chemicals seems to have damaged his cerebral cortex." " [sighs]" "Boy, am I glad that nightmare's over." "[bell jingles] [joyful wedding music] [screaming]"