"Previously on Nip/Tuck..." "So you'd like some liposuction, Mrs. Budge." "Whatever it costs, I can afford it." "Name me a price, sexy man." " You got any mac and cheese" " Zip it, Dawn." "What's the matter with me?" "Your kidney's been surgically removed." "This is a hot car, matt." "But not as hot as you." " Burt can't find out about this." " I smelled it on you, honey." "I will ruin you both before I give my blessing so you can run away and play happy ever after." "Where do you find these people, Sean?" "Is there some kind of Craig's list for the ugly and unemployed?" "Our contract with the Landaus allows us 4 pro-bonos every month." "I plan on meeting that quota." "Free surgery is like sex without an orgasm." "Unless, of course, the patient's name is Blue Monday, in which case the free surgery follows an orgasm." " Is it hot in here?" " No." "You all right?" "I had strep throat a couple weeks ago." "I guess I haven't kicked it." "Had a great run, Christian, it's time to give back." "I do give back, as much as my accountant says I have to." "Charity isn't an issue of your account, it's an issue of conscience." "Am I right?" "Go back to work." "It's ridiculous." "I have a garden variety case of strep throat." "Doctors, can Dr. Cruz and I have some privacy?" "No, it's ok, it's ok, they can stay." "You've developed acute glomerular nephritis." "It's not uncommon after a bout of strep." " What's her filtration rate?" " She only has about 10% left." "She's going to need a new kidney to replace her remaining one." "I'm gonna recommend that you begin dialysis immediately." "Dialysis takes 6 hours a day, how am I supposed to work?" "I've taken the liberty of placing you on the national donor list." "You were officially 62,342 in line." "That list is bullshit." "People wait years for one of those organs." "Do you have any family that might be willing to volunteer as a donor?" "My only living relative is my mother, and when my father died last year, she banned me from the funeral." "As far as she's concerned, my being gay is what killed him, so I don't think that she's going to be offering up a kidney anytime soon." "Sean and I will get tested." "You would do that for me?" "Jesus, Liz, of course." "You're family." "Right, Sean?" "Of course." "Christian!" "It's not your face I want to see, it's hers." " Screw this." " Christian, wait!" "Where do you think you're going?" "I'm done playing dildo." "Maybe you're done playing doctor, Chrissy." "You walk out that door, and I'm gonna chop that little flesh shop of yours into fish bait." "You can have it." "And her." "Hopefully one of them will get you a hard-on." "You're done playing with my 10-inch dick." "Christian..." "Christian!" "Don't go!" "How can you be with a man who treats you that way?" "Why do you stay?" "For the money?" "What am I supposed to do?" "I lose everything if I leave." "I won't go back to that hole I was in before I met Burt." "What hole, hooking?" "Doesn't seem like you ever stopped." " I'm sorry." " No!" "Come with me." "Come with me." "Come with me now." "Come with me." "No." "I won't belong to another man." "Burt... bought my mother a house." "He gave my sisters jobs." "This isn't only about me." "We have to be smart, Christian." "Please." "Don't make any waves." "I can get us out of this." "Tell your husband he can fire me." "I'm nobody's whore." "What can we do for you, Dawn?" "More lipo?" "Hmmph." "God knows I could use it." "In the past 6 hours I have consumed more fry hoppers than a french whore during the nazi occupation." "Those cookies and the oxycontin are the only thing keepin' me from passing' out right here from pain." " Pain?" "I was ear-jacked." " Carjacked?" "Ear-jacked!" "Jesus!" "I got one ear, I can hear better than you." "After Dwight left me for Mallory, I went on a 4-week fast food bender." "Arbys, K.F.C." "I even bought a popeye's franchise for good measure." "Well, after thousands of grams of saturated fat failed to mend my broken heart, I drove on down to Boca..." "Picked myself up a gorgeous pair of honking' earrings." "First mistake I made?" "Wearin' them in public." "So what's it gonna cost me, doc, for the new ear?" " Well, Mrs. Budge" " Miss." "I'm single now." "Miss Budge, we can rebuild the ear using cartilage and fatty tissue from other parts of your body." " God knows you got plenty." " Zip it, pretty boy." "What's option 2?" "We can attach an artificial ear." "Made out of silicone." "What am I, plastic man?" "I'll look like a mannequin at Lane Bryant." "This ear has to be perfect." "Now that I am oprah-rich and back on the dating scene," "I plan on nabbing' my own stedman within one year." "There is one other possibility." "It's fairly new technology and it won't be cheap." "Sweetie, I wipe my ass with $100 bills." "All right." "Then we'll make an appointment at the genetics lab." "Genetics lab?" "That's where they're gonna grow you a new ear." "Oh..." "God!" "That's incredible." "Oh..." "Deeper." "Ahhh!" "Oh, that's good." "Oh..." "Oh..." "I can't tell the difference between the knots and the muscles." "You're like this mass of sculpted steel." "Oh, you're too sweet." "It's pilates." "Will you get my lower back?" "Yeah." "Oh..." "Yeah." "What are you doing?" "Well..." "I'm sorry." "It's just, you were moaning..." "We're friends, Matt." "I thought I could trust you." "Look, Kimber, I'm sorry, but I like you." "I guess you have that effect on the men in my family." "And you thought that because I had relationships with your dads that I was just gonna screw you, too?" "I thought you were different than they were, Matt." "Yeah, I am." "I'm spiritual." "I just spent the last month picking up shit in front of church buildings, for Christ sake." "Did you do that for your growth or to impress me?" "Look..." "Get out." "I don't feel safe with you here anymore." "Go." "Ok." " You're not a match." " How close was I?" "You're a 5 out of 6, that's almost a perfect match." "Would you describe yourself as promiscuous, doctor?" "Your blood tested high for an antibody that only appears in people with an unusually high number of sexual partners." "So I can't give liz a kidney because I've had too much sex?" " There's irony for you." " You're disappointed." "I fixed a number of nephrectomy scars." "It's almost to impossible to regain muscle definition in the affected areas." "There are other possible complications." "Incontinence, infection, clotting." "You are aware that the results are strictly confidential?" "I'm only obligated to reveal the findings to the donor." "Are you saying you'll lie for me?" "I'm saying it's my responsibility to test you, but it's your responsibility to inform any interested parties that you're a match." "Mr. Landau's here to see you." "Says it's urgent." " Excuse me." " Yes." "Are you a match?" " No, are you?" " No." "Any other ideas how we can help her?" "You can get medical marijuana and russian brides over the internet these days," "I'm sure we can find ourselves a kidney." "Do you have any idea what this come to jesus meeting with Burt is all about?" "Yeah, we're gonna get fired." "He found out about Michelle and I, and he said if we didn't screw in front of him, then he would tear the business apart." "Turns out the old bird is a kinky bastard." "Jesus, Christian." "I should have known if anything was gonna bring this place to its knees, it would be your dick." "Think you can get us out of this?" "Not unless you got a 12 gauge and a bunch of hams." "It happened 2 nights ago." "The doctor said it was an ischemic stroke." "Were you straining?" "A bowel movement?" "We were having sex." "We made it to the hospital within half an hour." "They told us the clot had dissipated." "Sorry, but if the clot is fully dissolved and he's already on the anti-coagulants, what do you want us to do?" "You're my plastic surgeon." "Fix my goddamn face." "Where is Dr. Troy?" "This is totally unacceptable." "He's caring for a sick associate." "Oh!" "No need to lie." "The man is terrified of our sexual chemistry." "I get it." "Here it is." "Isn't he beautiful?" "We call him Vincent." "After the 19th century painter Vincent Van Gogh, who's infamous for cutting off his ear." "Thanks, sister Wendy." "I just bought one of his paintings." "I got it hanging in my bathroom." "Every time I take a dump now, I feel artistic." "So, doc, what'd you do?" "Shave the poor thing down?" "It's a nude mouse." "It's genetically altered to be born without a thymus gland." "It has limited T-cells, which means it can't fight off infections." "It also means he's less likely to reject donated tissue." "Mmm." "Does it hurt when you sew that thing on him?" "No." "We implant a tiny ear-shaped scaffold, filled with donor tissue into our guy's back." "His blood nourishes the growing cells, and in about 6 weeks, you have an ear." "I forwarded Dr. Kaplar your blood work, so he picked this mouse based on the results." "You'll also be given a heavy dose of anti-rejection drugs to aid the process." "Even then, there's still a 20% chance that your body will reject the tissue." "Fine." "Wrap it up." "And let me tell you, the cage better be included in the price." "You can't take the mouse with you." "I used to raise ferrets in the back of my trailer." "I know how to care for a rodent." "This mouse has no immune system, so it might not survive outside of a sterile environment." "I'll have margo come twice a day." "She's my cleaning woman." "Doesn't speak a word of english, but let me tell ya, she can limpie mi casa muy bueno." "I think maybe you should go somewhere else." "Oh, oh, oh, oh." "All right." "Fine, Vinny stays." "But I need to hold him." "I want to bond with my ear." "Oh, oh!" "Isn't he adorable?" "Ah!" "I always had a thing for baldies." "Look!" "Look at him!" "Oh, to think what this little guy is gonna go through, just so I can wear a pair of sunglasses again." "Heh." "We like to think that we're creating life of the noblest form dedicated solely to making others well." "Just like you, doc." "Thanks, Vinny." "He can't hear you through that." "Oh." " Hey, Liz." " Hey." " These are for you." " Aww, thank you, honey." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Ok." "He's here." "You guys gonna tell me now?" "Which one's going under the knife so I can get out of here?" "I'm sorry, Liz." "Neither one of us is a match." "Sean and I went to school with some people from the american kidney foundation." "We'll try and get you bumped up the list." "So someone who's been waiting longer gets screwed over to save me?" "Oh, no." "I wouldn't be able to live with myself." "Look on the bright side, hmm?" "They're gonna suck a pound of liquid out of you every time you come in here." "You'll be able to fit into your skinny jeans." "Ok." "Ok. that's enough of me complaining." "Distract me." "How's the baby, Sean?" "Good." "Bigger." "He's starting to smile." "It's great when they start to give a little something back, huh?" "All I'm asking is you bump her up a couple of notches on the donor list." "You owe me, Jim." "Who helped you get into the pants of that hot brazilian radiologist with the big fake tits when we were residents?" "Huh?" "You married her?" "Phew, no shit." "Well, tell her I said hello." "Bloodwork came back on Burt Landau." "Guess what he was on the night of his stroke?" "Viagra." "Excuse me?" "Your husband was on it the night that he had a stroke." "You remember that night?" ""I can get us out of this, Christian."" "Are you suggesting that I gave it to him?" "I'm suggesting it's a little odd for a man to take a drug that every doctor he's seen over the past 2 years said could kill him." "How dare you." "I am not a murderer." "You're saying through all of this-- the surgeries, you and me-- you never wished he was dead?" "Wishing and actually doing something about it are 2 very different things." "I thought you knew me." "We'll see if I do." "Who gave you the Viagra, Burt?" "Hmm?" "What?" " Who gave you the Viagra?" " I don't know." "Stop covering for her." "She tried to kill you." "Mmm." "No, she didn't." "I took it myself." "Stupid." "But those 3 minutes inside her... were worth giving up." "How many years I got left?" " Wait." "I'm sorry" " Stay away from me." "If I didn't need you to fix my husband's face, you'd be fired already." "From now on, consider us business associates." "What do you want?" "I want a personality test." " Go away, Christian." "Aw, come on, Kimmy." "It's me." "You know, the guy you almost married." "Let me in." "I need to talk you." "Jesus." "You smell like a brewery." "You, you smell like" "Mmm, every time I get close to a woman who's wearing your perfume," "I get a hard-on." "Ok." "Now I know where he gets it from." "Hmm?" "Your son came on to me the other day." "Oh." "So congratulations." "You don't need to force me not to see you anymore." "Your genes and bad influence have done it for you." "Can I get myself a scotch, sweetie pie?" "One drink and then you hit the road." "I'm sorry about Mattie." "Oh, I'll talk to him." "No, don't." "He-- he's just young." "He doesn't understand what it means to really believe in something yet." "That shit really works for you, huh?" "For once in my life, I feel like there's something I can give myself really to, and I can expect the same in return." "I never gave to you like that." "When you wanted to." "But it always came with a price." "Maybe you should audit me." "If it works for you, there must be something to it, right?" "Christian, stop." "Don't tell me you never think about me, baby." "Hmm?" "When you're alone in bed at night..." "And your fingers find their way down to your pretty little..." "Rosebud?" "You never close your eyes, pretend those hands are mine?" "Oh, please, stop, Christian." "Please." "Stop." "Mmm." "Let's lock ourselves in, make love and... eat take-out for a few days." " I need to go." " Ok." "I have a seminar at church tomorrow afternoon, if you want to come by, and I'll audit you then." "Oh, are you kidding me?" "I don't give a shit about your whack-a-doo religion." "What?" "You told me you wanted to" "I said what I always say-- whatever it takes to get me laid." "How can you be so cruel?" "Why don't you just go screw one of your whores if you needed to get laid?" "Whores only give you their body." "I needed to feel like the most important man in the world, and you're the only person who can do that for me." "Don't worry sweetheart." "I'm sure there's some chapter in dianetics that'll help you get through" "Get out!" "Get out!" "I hate you!" "Get out of my house!" "Oh, my god." "Oh, yes." "H ey." "Didn't know you were coming over tonight." "I invited her." "I reckoned that even gals on a restricted diet deserved a home-cooked meal." "Listen, you have no idea what this me but I cannot accept it." "Accept what?" "When I found out that you couldn't be a donor for Liz," "I called and asked for to be tested." " You're a match?" " No." "But I am." "I swear, I didn't know he was getting tested, Sean." "Liz is family, dad." "She used to baby-sit me." "She even let me have a swing of beer at one of her barbecues when I was 14." "You are my hero." "But I will not let you do this for me." "The acorn didn't fall far from the tree, did it, daddy?" "Do you have any idea how life-altering a kidney donation can be?" "I've just recently been forced to come to the conclusion that" "I've spent my entire life taking, so unless you can come up with a good reason why I shouldn't, I'm going through with it." "How could you let him do this?" "She didn't let me do anything." "I'm 18." "I didn't think he'd be a match." "You and Christian weren't." "I mean, I don't want him to do it, either, but, you know, he doesn't need our consent." "I haven't seen you in a month, Matt." "Well, that's going to change." "Where do you think I'll be doing my convalescing?" "Look, you guys raised me to take care of people, yeah?" "I know I haven't always lived up to that, but I want to start now." "What's gonna happen when you take the ear off him?" "We're sending him off to live in a ranch in Wyoming" " with his other donor buddies." " Seriously." "If I built him a sterile room at Terra Budge, do you think I could keep him?" "The only room you're gonna need to build for him is a mausoleum." "The mice don't survive the surgery." "Seriously?" "We could cancel the procedure." "Nah." "Do it." "I'm gonna need both ears to pull off my fall wardrobe." "Alright there partner?" "Matt wants to give Liz his kidney." "He and Julia got tested." "Kid's got balls." "I'll kill him before I'll let him do it, but you gotta admit, the kid's got balls." "He must've got 'em from you." "He certainly didn't get my kidneys." "I lied." "I'm a match for Liz. 5 of 6." "What?" "Look, I have a handicapped son I have to operate on." "I can't be out of commission for 3 months." "Bullshit." "Give her the kidney after you operate on Connor's hands." "You're shit scared about going under the knife, that's all." "That's not the point right now." "Our goal needs to be to stop Matt from forcing the issue with Liz." "Oh, I can think of a way of stopping him." "Give Liz somebody else's kidney." "Coming!" "Hey." "You're early." "Come on in." "Uh, thanks for inviting me." "And after what happened," "I didn't think you'd really want to see me." "I thought a lot about it and realized I was totally out of line." "And, um, I wanted you to come over so I could apologize." "Can I make you a drink?" "Uh, no." "Thanks." "I'm off the booze." " You training for something?" " No, it's just that, uh, you know, my dad's anesthesiologist Liz, she needs a kidney and I'm gonna give her mine, so I have to be totally clean to make sure her body doesn't reject it." "Whoa." "That's awfully generous of you." "Yeah." "Well, I really took what you said to me to heart, you know?" "About giving back." "Hmm." "You really are a beautiful soul, Matthew McNamara." "So, where are your kidneys anyways?" " Um, back here." " Right here?" "You think it's gonna hurt?" "Well, it's not gonna feel good." " Does that feel good?" " Yeah." "I assume you know I'll be overseeing my husband's surgery" " in the O.R." " Of course." "I know how you and your husband like to watch each other." "Is there something wrong?" "Blood pressure's dropping." "Get me one milligram epi." "He's gone into defib." "Give me the crash cart." "Clear!" "Clear!" "Blood pressure's coming back." "Heart rate's stabilizing." "Looks good." "What happened?" "Ear jacked." "You?" "Someone stole my kidney." "I didn't know they did real medical stuff in here, too." "Well, they don't." "Sean and Christian set that up for me so I could work a couple hours a day." "Wow." "That is really nice of them to do that for you." "I mean, come on." "You think about it, the last thing some socialite wants to see after her eye job, somebody having a blood scrubbing', right." "Ha ha ha." "How'd you do it?" "You know, get them to care about you so much?" "I'm sure you have people in your life that would do the same for you." "Yeah." "I got plenty of people." "Most of 'em showed up right when the money did." "You expecting someone?" "Not really." "I thought maybe my ex and my daughter might stop by, but they're back in Pensacola now, so." "Maybe they don't know what happened to you." "Bullshit." "I did an exclusive two-parter on Montel." "They never, ever miss an episode." "You know how much money I spent since I won that powerball?" "20 million." "Yeah." "I got a huge house." "I got more ice than an eskimo." "I got a race horse I've never even seen." "And you know what?" "I'd give twice that right now to have somebody walk through that door and just hold my hand." "I used to raise ferrets, you know, before the money." "There was one." "Knickers." "Cutest thing I ever saw in my life." "She got her little paw caught in the trailer door." "I hocked my entire Franklin mint collection on ebay just to pay her vet bills." "You know, I nursed her." "She got better." "I loved her, you know." "I could tell she loved me, too." "And look at me now." "You know how got this ear?" "I killed a mouse for it." "Vincent." "Cute little guy, too." "He grew the ear on his back, and" "I let him sacrifice himself just so I could look good in my Jill St. John's." "I'm sure Vincent understood." "The point is I gained more when I had nothing." "It's like I traded my soul for all that money, you know?" "And then I look at you." "I mean, the victim of a horrible crime." "But what gets you through?" "The hope that maybe for a couple hours a day you get to be a doctor." "You're a hero." "You are." "And I'm a big, fat zero." "Oh, god, what happened to me?" "Too bad they can't grow a kidney on the back of a mouse, huh?" "It isn't right." "He should be in a facility that can care for him properly." "He needs to be home." "This isn't like recovery from his other surgeries." "He's had a massive stroke which means diaper changes and intense physical therapy." "It could be years before he's back on his feet." "I've hired a hospice nurse to be here at night." "And I'm perfectly capable of handling things during the day." "What about work?" "I'll take a leave of absence." "You don't need to do that." "This is a list of the top in-patient rehab clinics in Miami." "Do you and Burt a favor-- and go take a look at them." "I won't." "I won't put him in a nursing home." "Of course." "Wouldn't want to do anything to piss him off enough to make him change his will." "You think I want it like this?" "You think I want to spend the rest of my youth holed up in this tomb?" "But he's still my husband." "He needs me." "But you don't love him anymore." "You love me." "You wanted me to let him die on that table." " I saw it in your eyes." " And I saw it in yours." "But you saved him anyway." "Now it's my turn." "Hey, Sean." "We need to talk." "About Matt?" "I know." "He's adamant about giving me his kidney." "I'm afraid he's going to leave it on my doorstep in a gift wrapped cooler." "You don't need Matt's kidney." "'Cause I'm gonna give you mine." "That is very sweet, Sean, but I think that we're both going to feel a little silly when my body rejects it." "It won't." "I'm a 5 of 6 match for you." "I lied about my test results." "I'm sorry, Liz." "I was scared." "The surgery, the recovery." "I just..." "Didn't want to end up like me?" "Why the change of heart?" "I would never have known that you lied." "I made a list of the people I thought would give me a kidney." "It was pretty short." "Then I made a list of people I'd give one to." "It was even shorter." "I always thought of myself as... a good friend, someone you can count on." "Wasn't until all this happened that I realized I was full of shit." "What I'm saying, Liz, I love you." "I don't want to lose you." "You're gonna take my kidney." "I scheduled the operation for tomorrow." "Shit." "Scary, huh?" "I have never asked you to do this for me, Sean." "You shouldn't have had to." "The truth is, I can't." "Frankly, your kidney's not hot enough." "You're only a 5 out of 6." "I have found a better match." "A better match?" "Who?" "A perfect 6 out of 6, just like my powerball ticket." "I guess lightening really can strike twice." "Especially when it has such a large target." "That target didn't seem to ing me to your apartment floor, sweet cheeks." "Should we begin?" "I'm ready when you are." "Go gentle, doc." "I got to look my best for bikini season." "Dr. Mucktar will be doing most of the heavy lifting, but we'll do what we can to minimize the scarring." "Though I have to warn you, Ms. Budge, there's very little we can do with a nephrectomy scar because of the angle at which the incision is made." "Screw it." "It'll be my badge of honor." "You think I can come by every now and then and visit my kidney, you know, for coffee or something?" "I don't think I can say no." "How's next Thursday?" "Ok." "Looks like you've got a friend for life there, Lizzie." "You sure it's worth it?" " How we doing?" " Scared." "Relax." "You're among friends." "Thank you." "My privilege." "Ok, count back from 10 for me." "10, 9, 8, 7."