"I'll tell you this about my father." "Aah!" "He had a heart of gold." "He was honest to a fault." "And he almost always smelt like talcum powder." "He just really loved his Johnson's baby powder." "No, but, I mean, like, a lot." "He'd sprinkle the stuff on himself... over himself, under himself... and then just for good measure, under himself again." "Because, as he was fond of saying, "You never know."" "To this day, if you cover my eyes and put me across the room..." "I couldn't tell you the difference between... a freshly bathed baby and my father's balls." "I'm not saying that's a healthy thing." "I'm just saying it's something I remember." "The best time I ever had with my father... was when he was having maybe the worst time of his life." "Go figure, right?" "You never know." "Mom, make her stop!" " Lilly!" " What?" "Are you jumping on the couch?" "No." "I'm going to come in there and turn off the TV." " Why?" " Why?" "Well, did you do your reading?" "Yeah." " Well, it's getting late." "It's time to" " Lilly, quit it!" " Lilly!" " It's mine!" "All right, now, it says here five-bedroom rustic retreat with its own lake." "What does that mean?" "It has, like, its own lake?" "Really?" "Like, how big is the lake?" "A lake?" "Who buys a lake?" " How much?" " Well..." "All right, when you say you can rowboat, like, how far could you rowboat?" " Grape." " Daddy." "You could rowboat a long time... or you could paddle two or three times and then you got to turn around again?" "You know what?" "You're choking Daddy." "Well, that's--See, that's-- That doesn't sound to me like a lake." " That's more like a pond, frankly." " Honey, forget it." "Maybe not even a pond." "That could be just a small wet area." "I'm not kidding around!" "Quit it!" "Who?" "The owner?" "He has to interview us?" " Oh, see, that just sounds crazy." " What does that mean?" "Huh?" "OK, girls, come on, bed." " Mean it." " Really?" "Come on." "You think it might be gone that fast?" "Jeez." "Wow." "Hello?" "Oh, yeah, just to tell you, a Mr. Kleinman is on his way up." " Mr. Kleinman?" " I don't have to" "Honey, are we doing something with your parents?" "My parents?" "Uh..." "Not going to stay long." "Just came by for a quick howdy do." " Hi." " What--Where's--Where's Mom?" "Uh, she's, uh..." "Uh, she's going to come later." "She--So, you came by yourself?" " Yeah." " Hiya, Papi!" "Oh." "Did you get more beautiful?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "I think you did." "So, you just came just like this?" "Yeah." "Look at this face." "Mmm." " Well, is everything OK?" " Huh?" "Yeah, sure." "Why?" "Well, no, I mean, because you usually don't" " Hi, Papi." " Oh, there she is." " Oh, yeah." " I--I'm just" "What are you doing in the city?" "It's a problem for a person to come and say hello?" "No, of course you can, but, I mean" "Uh-oh." "You're probably in the middle of dinner." " Dinner was" " Dinner?" "No, no." "We're actually just getting the girls to bed." "Because I can come back another time." "No, no, don't be silly." "Girls, go and brush your teeth." " Now, you're sure?" " Absolutely." "Girls, go." " They're not going." " What did Mom say?" "Go, go, go, go." " Come on, come on, school." " I'm not washing my whole face." "All right, well, just do the sticky parts, then." "Let's go." "Come on." "Listen, you do whatever you have to do." "I'm not even here." "Are you hungry?" "No." "No, no, no." "You know, because I can heat up some pasta." "No." "No, no, no, no." " Are you sure everything is all right?" " Yeah, sure, fine." "I just--I'm a little confused as to why Mom is not here." "Oh, I just wanted to show you something." "What?" "There's a little something I want to show you." " OK, show me what?" " I'll show you later." " Show me now." " Daddy, will you brush my hair?" "Yeah, yeah, just a second." "Go, go." "Brush their hair." "We'll talk after." " Daddy." " Yeah, OK, OK." "You don't want anything?" "A drink?" "No." "No, no, no." " Juice?" " No, no, no." " Coffee?" " No, no." "OK, coffee I'll have." "OK." "OK." "OK, good." "Hey, hey." "What are you doing?" "I forgot to do my reading." "All right, all right, go ahead, but then I want you asleep, all right?" " Thanks for being my baby girl." " Thanks for being my daddy." "What's your story?" "Can we snuggle till I'm sleeping?" " You going to fall asleep fast?" " Yeah." " All right, scoot over." " Ha ha!" "Come on, come on, come on." "OK." "Make some room for me, you." "Thanks for being my baby girl." " Thanks for being my daddy." " Yeah." "OK." "Shh, shh, shh, shh." "Okey-dokey." "They're down." "What's the matter?" "It's from your mom." "I found it on the refrigerator." "I don't understand." "What is it?" "What does that mean?" ""I'm leaving."" "Like it says, she's leaving." " I don't understand." " Welcome to the club." "Did you guys have a fight or something?" "No fight." "Everything fine." "Really?" "So, why..." "She'd just had enough." "What?" "So, where--where is she going to go?" " Read." " "I don't know where I'm going to go."" "Even she don't know." ""All these years have flown by..." ""and I don't know where they've gone, either." ""I know I was a young woman when we met..." ""but for the life of me, I don't know what happened to her." ""I need to be somewhere else now, and I need to be there alone." "I hope you'll understand." "Love, Muriel."" "Jesus." "Jesus." "Tell us what we can do." "I don't know." "I figured I'd give it a day or two." "Wait a second." "When did you find this?" "Monday." "And you're just telling us about it now?" " I didn't want to worry anybody." " Oh, for God's sake." "Who are you calling?" "The police?" "Yeah, yeah." ""Hey, there's a woman out there in her seventies... 5'4" and very angry." "Take a look around."" " Linda, hey." " Linda?" " Linda doesn't know." " Have you spoken to Mom lately?" "You're going to involve your sisters now?" " Well, how did she sound, then?" " She sounded fine." "Why?" "You don't know about this letter?" " What letter?" " Benny, she's got her own problems." "What letter?" "She I--She left a note." "She" "Mom left Dad, basically." "Really?" "Good for her." " Hey." " What?" "What'd she say?" " She says she can't believe it." " Well, believe it." "Hey, ready for this?" "Mom left Dad." "What?" "What do you mean?" " She left him a letter." " Who are you talking to?" " It's Hillary." " What's she doing there?" "She came by to borrow the land cruiser." " Who?" " Hillary." " Hillary?" " Hillary." " What is she doing there?" " She came over to borrow her car." "What does she need the car for?" "Really?" "That's what you want to talk about now?" "She actually, like, took clothes in a suitcase and went somewhere?" "Apparently, yeah." " Holy shit." " Yeah." " "Holy" shit." " Holy shit." " What?" " They're--They're shocked." "They're both--They're expressing shock." " Did they speak to Bonnie?" " Did you speak to Bonnie?" "No, I haven't spoken to Bonnie since July." "No." "Four kids--does something like this, doesn't tell anybody." "OK, would you--would you give her a call?" " It's her turn to call me." " Oh, would you stop?" "Just grow up." "Please." "Give her a call." "She's going to hate that we know something before she does." "Just--Linda, please." "OK." "Hold on." "Watch." ""What do you mean?" "Why did no one tell me?" "You know how much I worry."" " Hello?" " Hey, it's me." "Well, hi." "What a nice surprise." "How are you?" "I'm all right." "Listen, there's a bit of a thing, though, with Mom and Dad." "Oh, my God." "I knew it." "I had a dream last night." " No, no." "Everyone is fine." " OK, what happened?" "Just tell me." " So?" " She's calling Bonnie." "Yeah." "He's over there now." "Ben called me, and I'm calling you." "Great." "Why I'm the last one to find out, I'll never know." " Bonnie" " Oldest child... last one to hear about everything." " OK, whatever." " So, you don't know anything about this." "No!" "Jesus, what do you think?" "I" "OK, OK." "I got to call you back." "She doesn't know a thing." " Oy." " So, now what?" "Uh, I--Now, I don't know." "Is he going to stay there with you tonight?" "Yes, of course he's going to stay with us tonight." " No, no." "No, no, no, no." " Yes." "You cannot drive home at this hour." "You're going to sleep here with us." " I am not going to sleep with you." " Yes, you are." " I'm not discussing this." " No, no, no, no." " I have no pajamas." " Pajamas." "You hearing this?" "Ben has pajamas." "Well, how is he?" "He must be so lost." " No, he's fine." " I'm fine." " He's fine." " Of course I'm fine." " Yeah." " It's just a screwy mix-up." "There you go." "A little screwy mix-up?" "Is that what he thinks this is?" "He doesn't get it." "Would you get her feet off of there, please?" "Jeez." "OK, what is your tomorrow?" "Well, now I don't know." "I was-- I was thinking of driving upstate." "I was gonna go look at a house." " Perfect." "Take Daddy." " Take him with me?" "Yeah, keep him moving, distracted." "I'll get on the phone here, get to the bottom of this." "I'm not that worried." " What?" " No, she's saying" "She's saying everything is gonna be all right." "Of course everything's gonna be all right." " I'm not even worried." " Liar." "Good-bye." "And you would really go live on a farm?" "It's not a farm." "It's a farmhouse." "Farmhouse--it's a house with land." "It's just a--you know... it's something we've been talking about for a while, and--and" "'Cause I don't know if we want the girls to grow up in this city." " I mean, is that" " Well, the suburbs I could understand." "Yeah, but I just like the idea of the country." "You know?" "It appeals to me." "You know, it's--it's safe, it's quiet." "I could do my writing there." "What does that mean, a farm?" "You'd have like, what, chickens?" "No, no, no." "Not chickens." "It's not a farm." "It's just" "Yeah, I mean, you could grow stuff if you want." "You could grow tomatoes or corn or something, I'm sure." "In upstate New York?" "Yeah, you could--Why not?" "Well, New Jersey has the fantastic corn." "All right, well, you know what?" "The point isn't to grow corn" "New York is, I think, maybe too cold for corn." "Forget I said corn." "Drop the corn." "The point is the house." "You go, and it's a house in the country, so" " It sounds like a nice thing." " Yeah, I understand." "Just a quiet place in the country." "Yeah, yeah." "That's all." "A house in the country." "Well, you're not gonna buy it without looking at it first, though, right?" "What are we doing?" "We're going-- We're driving to go look at it, right?" "'Cause, you know, you never know." "No, I know." "I know." "So, what do you know?" "I had a thought, but no one wanted to hear it." "What?" "Well, if she's that fed up with your father... wouldn't she maybe want to look up an old boyfriend or something?" "No." "That's my mother we're talking about." "I'm not saying she had a lover or anything." "Please." "Please." "Whoever she's gonna call is already married or dead." "I should just turn around and come home right now, shouldn't I?" "No, no." "Let us look for her." "You're doing the best thing for your dad right now." " How's he doing?" " He's, you know..." "I hit the sink thing!" "It sprayed all over me!" "What?" "What's happening?" " Uh...oy." " How is he?" "Damn sink sprayed me, but good." "Hon?" "I don't know." "He" " He looks older." " He is." "Who's that?" "Rachel?" " Yeah." " Anything?" "Nothing yet." "Hey, you know what?" "Try and have fun with him today." "You always say you never had time together, right?" "So, maybe this is...the good thing." "All right." "Here he comes." "Gotta go." "OK, take it easy." "I love you." " Love you, too." " All right." "So, it's OK?" "You can take a day off like this?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "I just had a magazine piece that was due." "I just turned that in yesterday, so I'm good." "And your book?" "It's still, uh..." "The book?" "No, no." "No, working on the book." "Still writing, yeah." "But it's" "You know, listen, three and a half years in... and taking one afternoon off is not gonna kill me." "You know, I went into the bookstore in the mall." " Oh, yeah, yeah?" " Yeah." "I thought I'd see if they had your other book." " Ha ha." "OK." "And?" " They don't." "They don't." "Oh, well." "No, they don't carry everything." "The big stores--You know, in the mall, they're not gonna" "You know who they have a lot of?" "John Grisham." "My God." "This guy-- one book after another, this guy!" "He's fast." "He's fast." "How'd you know it was me?" "I think this is it." " Wow." " Plenty of room here." "Look at this!" "Do you believe this is all the same place?" "Lot of mowing and pruning." "You're gonna have to get one of those mowers with a chair on it." "Ha ha ha!" "Oh, wow." "So, this would be the driveway." "You hear that?" "Listen to that." "The pebbles against the tires." " Gravel is good." " Oh, yeah." "Oh, I like this." "I like this." "Mr. Harrison?" "That I am." "Mr. Kleinman?" " Yes, sir!" " That's me." "Hi." "Ben Kleinman." "Well, hello." "Hi." "This is my father." " Sam Kleinman." "How are you?" " Pleasure." "You've got a spectacular place here." " Thank you." " Yes, sir." "Uh...oh, uh, I'll tell you... why don't you two fellas talk, and I'll just mosey around?" "Terrific." "Great." "Thank you." "Well, shall I show you around?" "Please." "That would be just terrific." "How was your trip up?" "All right?" "My great-grandmother's family... gave her this land on her eighteenth birthday." "Is that right?" "Huh." "And my great-grandfather built the house with his own hands." " Really?" " Right after the Civil War." "Wow." "It's just-- It's a magical place." "It's important that you feel that way." "Oh, I do." "I do." "Heh." "My father and I shot moose and wild boar... just inside those woods over there." "Wow." "Heh." "The moose are gone now, by and large." "Time marches on, with or without our consent." "Hmm." "I will tell you this, though-- whoever lives here next... will have the finest golden corner of God's green earth." "Boy, you got some place here!" "That lake?" "Ooh!" "We've been very blessed." "Let me ask you something." "The septic tank-- what kind of system did they put in here?" "Do you know?" "I beg your pardon?" "I mean, it doesn't drain right into the lake, does it?" "Because I see the other houses up on the hill there... and I got to figure, if all that's draining into your water--oh, boy." "Come the hot weather, this place is gonna stink to high hell." "Let me tell you something." "If a guy is selling you a house, and he don't want you to ask questions... you don't want the house." " Right." " Am I wrong?" "No." "I'm saying--you're right." "Your old man is not as dumb as you think, you know." "Your mother and I, we looked at a house once." "I know." "Lakewood." "Lakewood, New Jersey." "That's right." "We got the money into escrow, we run an inspection... what do we find?" "Rats." "You'd better believe it." "Floor to ceiling." "The place was infested." "So believe me, there is always a reason." " Always." " You're darn tootin'." " There's always a reason." " Right." " And there's never not a reason." " What?" "Right?" "So, what you're saying is, there really--there is no house... that anyone could buy anywhere, ever." " What?" " Right?" "I mean, all over the world." "All over the world, no matter where... no matter when, there just is no house... that anybody should buy, you're saying... because it--it's always a trick." "There's always some kind of scam." " What are you talking about?" " So, therefore--therefore, what?" "Don't even try?" "Try what?" "I don't know what you're saying now." "That's your big plan, is don't have a dream... 'cause if you have a dream, it'll only turn to shit." "Yeah, just leave things how they are." "We'll leave things how they are--nice-- and then wait till it's too late." "Till what's too late?" "Yeah, just wait till everybody's dead, right?" "What are you gettin' so upset about?" " OK, that's why Mom left." " Why?" "You want to know why?" "Because of this." " Because of what?" " Because of this." "Because of you." "You got a reason not to do everything." "Whatever it is, there's a reason-- "No, you can't do that."" "She wanted a house in the country... but you said, "No, the kids are too little." Right?" "And then, all of a sudden..." ""No, the kids are grown up." "We don't need a house in the country."" "She wanted to travel, but no-- "This place is too far." "That place, it's not far enough."" "Right? "The winter-- it's too cold." "The summer--it's so crowded there." "The spring--it's rainy."" "Whatever it is." "But you know what?" "Somebody goes to these places!" "Somebody's buying these houses in the country!" "So I gotta think it can't be that fucking horrible!" "You know, you're talkin' out of your ass" "Oh, am I?" "Yeah, OK." "When you're married forty years, come talk to me." "Please." "It's not the forty years." "It was always like this." "You know that." " Oh, really?" " Yes, yes." "It was like this before I was born." "How do you know what the hell things were like before you were born?" "I--I--Just trust me, I know." "I know." " You know?" " Yes, I know." "Well, I'm telling you you don't know what you're talking about." "Oh, OK." "I don't know what I'm talking about?" " Do me a favor." " Really?" "Why don't you close your mouth and drive me back to the city?" "I don't know what I'm talking about?" "Good." "Now, let me show you something." "Let's take a look." "Let's see how much I don't know." "Keep your eye on the road!" "Watch where you're driving!" "I want you to see something." " Hey." "Hey!" "Jesus!" " Shit!" "Whew." "You all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "You OK?" "I'm fine." "Jesus." "Oh, boy." "That's good." "Hey." "A new car you can always get." "I'm sorry." "So, what were you gonna show me?" "Nothing." "Now you got my attention." "Heh." "OK." "What's this?" "It's for you." "From you?" "It's from Mom." "What, she's leaving me again now?" "It was so much fun the first time?" "She wrote this--She wrote this the year I was born." "She wrote it, but she never gave it to you." "So, how did you get it?" "When I was fourteen, I was digging around in her nightstand drawer." "I was gonna steal a cigarette." "Your mother doesn't smoke." "Not smoke smoke, but she used to--once in a while." "She had the same pack of Newport Lights in there for seven years." "I never knew your mother smoked." "Well, there you go." "So, you took this?" "Yeah." "I still don't know if she ever noticed it was gone." "And you keep this in the car?" "No." "I don't keep it in the c" "I dug it up to show it to you, because I thought" "'Cause I--I don't know why." "Because I figured it was time." ""March 18--"" "But that's two weeks before you were born." "Why..." "Just read." "Sam... this is the letter that should be pinned to a pillow... explaining why the wife has run off and left her husband." "But I have nobody to run off with... nor can I run off." "Apparently, my life isn't even my own to do away with." "In my heart, I must take leave of you now... because unless I disentangle myself from you emotionally..." "I'll never be a fit mother for our children." "I don't think you could measure all the tears I've shed." "When I've needed you most... you have found it more pressing to be anywhere else but with me." "But I know it wasn't always so." "I know the world was once vibrant with promise." "After all, wasn't I the girl, fresh out of college... who got the job at the very first interview she ever had?" "So what if I cancelled my plans to go see the World's Fair in Queens?" "I was working in Manhattan... and making $1 3 a week to boot." "And how thrilling that you, a handsome young boss... were interested in me." "When you went in the army..." "I did everything I could to keep that office running... because I was sure this was the way to your heart." "How all the more humiliating it was for me, then... to watch you spend your weekend furloughs... catching up on business... while I got the final fifteen minutes at Penn Station... before you shipped out again." "I must have loved you an awful lot to have been so hurt." "In fact, sometimes I almost wish... you would have yourself a love affair... so that you would know how the heart can be affected." "Oh, I guess you loved me in your way... as part of the whole picture-- a comfortable life taken for granted." "But believe me, it's not enough." "Maybe it's all I'm meant to get... but, please, don't let anybody ever treat our girls this way." "From here on, I'll stop hoping you'll change." "I won't expect evenings to be different from each other... nor weekends different from workdays." "I won't expect anything anymore." "But you have destroyed a marriage." "P.S.:" "Congratulations." "You finally have your son." "I hope he brings you much pleasure." "As for me, I'm glad he's here... but I still miss your tenderness... your thoughtfulness, even your politeness." "I don't know if you have it in you, but I yearn for it." "Maybe someday, when you have nothing else on your mind." "Bullshit." "What?" "Bullshit." "What do you mean, bullshit?" "I'm saying that this is a crock of b-u-l-l-- bullshit!" "That is not the way it was." " How what was?" " All of it!" " Well" " Bullshit!" "You think it was like that?" "I don't know what it was like, but that's--that's what she wrote." "I mean, that's--that's what she felt." "That I'm a prick?" "Your father is such a callous... uncaring son of a bitch... that he ruined the marriage... that he made your mother that miserable?" "Let me tell you something, sonny boy." "I busted my ass building that business." "You're damn right." "You know what Crown Carpet was when we started?" "Two guys, a desk, and a clipboard." "That was it!" "Did I have to stay at the office late a lot?" "You bet I did." "Did I have to travel all over the goddamn place... here and there, drumming' up business?" "You bet I did." "Because that's what had to be done!" "So, did I miss out on a lot of nice things?" "Yes, I missed out on a lot of nice things." "Does that make me uncaring?" "A rotten husband?" "A rotten father?" "Crown Carpets fed you kids... sent you to the best schools, the best summer camps." "Who of your friends ever went away to such nice places, huh?" "Mexico, Puerto Rico that time..." "Hershey, Pennsylvania." "Who was that for?" "For me?" "I need to take a vacation to see another factory?" "To see how they make chocolate?" "I don't give a shit how they make it, but I went for you and for the family." "Don't you dare tell me I wasn't there for you kids." "She never got to go to the World's Fair." "That's my fault." "Fifty years later." "You want to go to the World's Fair?" "Go!" "Who's stopping you?" "That I had an affair." "Bullshit!" " No, she didn't say that you had an" " Never!" " She said that" " Never!" "What she said was she almost wishes you had." "She wishes I had." "What kind of craziness is that?" "She wishes you had, so then you would've known what--what it" "That is pure crazy shit." "Never so much as a dalliance." "Never." "The other fellas, yes." "I'm not saying it's unheard of in the office." "I'm not an innocent." "Bernie Kaye-- you remember Bernie Kaye, the sales rep?" "Shtupped everything that moved between Baltimore and Syracuse." "Legendary cocksman." "Boasted about it." "And his wife, by the way, adores him." "Thinks he's the greatest thing since Ovaltine." "But me--me, who never once so much as laid a finger on another woman... me, your mother had to run away from after 47 years... because I'm such an unconscionable prick." "Well, maybe I shouldn't have shown you" "You're damn right you shouldn't have shown me!" "And look at your car!" "You gonna call somebody to fix it?" " I'm gonna call" " Or is it gonna fix by itself sitting there?" " I'm gonna call someone." " Good, because I'm goddamn hungry now." "And aggravated." "And I have to pee." "And you know what?" "I'm gonna pee right here." "Go ahead." "You're damn right I'm goin' ahead!" "And I don't need permission from you." "You hear that, everybody?" "!" "Sam Kleinman, Fair Lawn, New Jersey... and I'm gonna pee wherever I goddamn please!" "That really burns my ass." "I'm not polite?" "Who's more polite than me?" "Come on, tell me." "That really burns my ass." "You're lucky I heard the phone when I did." "I was nearly halfway to my car." "We're closed for the night." "What do you mean, closed?" "But you're-- you're gonna fix this first, right?" "My wife is making chicken paprikash, and that is one dish I do not want to miss." "OK." "All right, but can you just-- You know what?" "If you can just get it so I can drive it out of here" "Oh, there's no way we can do anything tonight." "You come back in the morning." "I'll be here at the crack of 7:00." "Oh, no, no." "No, no, no, no, no." "I can't stay." "Come on." "You'll stay the night in a nice motel... and you come back here in the morning." "What do you say?" "Come on." "The official said North Korea has massed" "No, we're fine, we're fine." "Just the car's not so fine." "Jeez, Benny." "Don't hit trees with cars." " I know." " Trees always win." "Yeah, I know, I know." "How are my girls." "They miss me?" "You mean since breakfast?" "Is that all I'm gone?" "Jeez, it feels like a year." "I wonder if Tom Brokaw's wife is upset because he's working late." "You see his phone ringing off the hook?" ""Just wanted you to know your dinner's cold... and the children all agree you're a shitheel."" " You hearing this?" " Yeah." "Us that work and give and give and give!" " This--This is who I've created." " A man has to say, "That's it!" "I'm not givin' any more!"" "When "Nightly News" continues..." "You go, Tom." "You do whatever you have to do." " I'll wait right here for you." " Wait, that's the other line." "Hang on." "I'm not the kind of person who runs off because he's bored... because he needs to find himself." "You know where to find me, my friend-- exactly where I said I'd be." "That's right." "Right here, baby!" "Right here!" "You want a grapefruit juice?" "OK, your sisters are like little detectives now." "Hang on." " Are you there?" " I'm here." " Hey, look at that." " All right, where is Mom gonna go?" "Where has she always wanted to go?" "My first thought was France... because, you know, Dad never wanted to go there." "But then I thought, maybe California." "Why?" "Well, you know those friends of hers-- the husband's a periodontist?" " The Schechners?" " Oh, the Schechners." "That's it." "I could not think of their names." "She's gonna leave her husband of 47 years... to be with Marty and Charlotte Schechner?" "Well, it's possible, no?" "Yeah, but she's always talking about them." "Hold on a second." "Hold on." "I got a call here." "So...how's the motel?" "It's dark and smells like toast." "It's Hillary." "Should I try to put her on?" " How are you gonna put her on?" " Let me--Let me see." "Did I lose you?" " I'm here." " Are you guys still there?" " Still here." " That's very impressive." " Look at that." " So, what do you got?" "OK, listen to this." "I'm in Mom and Dad's house..." "I'm in the kitchen." "I open up Mom's desk drawer-- big color travel brochure for Africa." " Africa?" " Stop it." "I saw the brochure." ""Come, visit majestic Africa."" "And she's got, like, safari prices circled." "Mom is not going to Africa." "You see, I think I have to agree with that one." "Well, I talked to Bonnie, and she doesn't believe..." "Mom would actually leave the country." "Thinks she probably went to a spa or something." "Like, maybe Florida." "OK, good." "So, Paris, Kenya... and Boca Raton we got it narrowed down to." "Nobody's going to Boca Raton this time of the year." "It's 1 30 degrees there." "What?" "OK, somebody just shoot me, would you?" "Oh ho ho!" "That tree jumped out and bit you pretty good!" "Ha ha ha!" "Listen, is there a--is there a car rental place anywhere nearby?" " Uh..." " Huh?" " Rental car." " Rental car?" " Hmm." " Car rental?" " Hmm." " A place where I can rent a car." "I know what it is." "I was just thinking." "I'm sorry." "Hmm." "Mm-mm-mm." "Down in Emerson, there's a car rental place." "Benny!" "Uh, I think they're closed." "You can drive in the other direction, you go down to Pachaqua." "I don't think they have a car rental there." " Let me think." "I'm just thinking." " Benny, come here!" "I want to show you something!" " I--I" " Jesus." "It'll come to me." "This is not a thriving metropolis, I'll tell you that." " There's a chicken place." " you know what this is?" "This is a 1936 Ford." "Deluxe, it was called." "Did you ever hear of Pachaqua?" "No." "You know when the last time I saw one of these?" "I was in college." "I'm talkin' fifty-something years ago." "I actually put down money on a used one once" "$300, which was a fortune back then." "But my father, he made me give it back." "How come?" "You know, too flashy, too much distraction." "Who knows?" "What, you think you're the first one who didn't understand his father?" "But, boy, is this beautiful." "Look at that grill." "Is that gorgeous or what?" " You've got a good eye, sir!" " That's not a '36." "This is a '40!" "Am I right?" "!" "That's right!" "A connoisseur, huh?" "I restored it myself!" "Rides like a dream!" "You don't say?" "If you're interested, make me an offer." "I'm gonna do just that!" "You're gonna do what?" "I'm gonna buy me a Ford Deluxe." "You're gonna--You're gonna buy it?" "Why not?" "Your car's all banged to shit." "We're in the middle of nowhere." "Excuse me!" "Do you take Visa?" "Why--No, you can't just buy it!" "You don't know anything about this car." "You don't--You don't know how fast it goes." "What's the hurry?" "I got no place to be." "You got some place to be?" "Don't you think we should get home and see what's going on?" "See what?" "Your sisters are there." "They can make phone calls without you." "I have work." "Hey, you're the one that wants to go write in the country." "How much more country do you need?" "Your mother, she ran off to God knows where." "Your father's inconsolable." "So console me." "Am I asking a lot?" " No, it's not that." "It's just" " So call home." "You'll tell 'em you'll be back as soon as your old man finds himself." "If you want, we could find you, too." "We could look for the whole goddamn family." "It makes no difference to me." "I got a car." "So, what do you--what do you suggest?" "We make a trip." "You and me." "You want to check with your wife?" "I don't have to check with my wife." "So?" "So?" "OK, buy the car." "Oh, yeah." "This car rides like a dream." "Mmm." "You smell that leather?" "I do." "You see, it still has the old smell." "Why that is, I don't know." "You would think, fifty years, it would lose the smell, but there it is-- that good Ford smell." "You know, he was a big anti-Semite, Ford." "You've mentioned this, yes." "Yeah, but he made some beautiful cars." "Yes, he did." "You know, your mother hates the way I drive." "I know, I know." ""You're driving too fast," "There's a curb there."" " I understand." "Hey, listen." " "That was a stop sign."" "OK, hey, believe me, I've driven with you two." "It's not a picnic, by the way." "Now let me ask you." "You're sitting there." " What?" " Am I such a terrible driver?" "No, you're not." "Look at the road." "Thank you." "Oh, I love this car." "The first one of these I saw, this kid at school had one." "Went out with this gorgeous girl, Marion Savara." "Her name I remember." " My God, what a knockout." " Yeah?" "He would pull up in this big shiny car, open her door... and out would come these legs." " Marion Savara." " Marion Savara." "I danced with her once." "That was about it." "You know why?" "You didn't have this car then." "You're exactly right." "You see, everybody's got something." "Your mother never got to the World's Fair." "I never got a shot at Marion Savara." "What are you going to do?" "What are you going to do?" "Look at us." "Wherever we want, whenever we want, huh?" "Ha ha ha." "Did you ever do this with your dad?" "My dad?" "Never." " No?" " No, no, no, no." "My dad worked." "That's all he knew--work." " And did you resent that?" " Oh, here we go." "No, no, no." "No, no, no." "I wasn't saying anything." "Resent him?" "What do you mean, resent?" "No, I didn't resent him." "That's the way it was." " He was my father." " Yeah, I know." "Why?" "Do you resent me?" "No, no." "No, no, no, no, no." "Because, you know, we never did this before today, either." "No, I know." "Of course." "I just..." "It's just something I think about all the time now with my kids." "They're growing up, and I'm always thinking... you know, what are they going to remember?" "Are we going to take them places" "Are we going to do things that they wished we didn't do... or are there going to be things we didn't do... that they're going to grow up and say, "Hey, how come we never did that?"" "You know?" "Is this what you do in therapy?" "No, no, no, no." "It's--None of it" "What is it that we didn't do?" " Who?" " Me...with you and the girls." " No, you" " What did we forget to do?" " No, nothing." "We didn't forget." " No, I'm curious." "I don't know." "We..." "We never went camping." "Camping?" "Who the hell goes camping?" "Sleep outside and crap in a bush?" "All right, well, then we'll forget about that." "Oh, sorry." "I thought--No." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." "I just" " I wasn't making a joke." " It's not important." "You always picture fathers and sons, right?" "That's the thing you're supposed to do." "You go camping together and fishing at the fishing hole." "OK." "Come on." "What are--What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "I don't want you to resent we never fished." " Here." " No, that's part of the feather." " What?" " That's decoration." "Mmm, I think you're wrong." " Oh." " See?" "It dangles down." "Oh, my God." "You know, there's a lot of pockets here." " Here." " OK, now look." "You see?" "It goes right there." " There?" " Yeah." " Right--Right there?" " Yes." " That's not the hole." " What do you mean, it's not the hole?" " There's got to be a thing where you..." " Yes, it is." " Of course." " Wait a minute." "Where does the worm go?" "There's no worms." "This is instead of worms." "They forgot the worms?" "They didn't forget." "This is better than worms." "Worms is the old-- This is what they do now." "Oh, no worms." "Yeah." "Remember the guy told us?" "You almost never use worms." " How about this here?" "That's big." " Oh?" "The bigger the thing, the bigger the fish, no?" "Hmm?" "What if a little fish swallows it?" " It could choke." "See?" "I" " Wait." "Does a fish smell?" "They don't smell it, they see it." "How could they smell under the water?" "I don't know." "The--Under the water don't smell?" "What?" "Here, hold this." "Uh-huh." "All right." " See, I just got" " Oh, boy." "No, no, no." "I just got to put--Ow." " Oh, boy." " All right, hold on." " Oh, boy." " OK." "Anything?" " Nothing." " All right." "So, this is what it is." " I guess." " Yeah." " Oh, my God." " What?" "I think you just shot the first three bars of "Moonlight in Vermont" there." "There's nobody here." "Who am I bothering?" "How are your toes?" "Not bad." "Oh, I think I actually got something here." "Hold him up." "Hold still." " Huh?" " Hold still." "What--What are you doing?" " He's still alive." " Of course he's still alive." "I just pulled him out of-- What are you hitting him for?" "I'm not hitting him." "Yeah, you just smacked-- Why would you hit a fish?" "Poor thing can't breathe." "Oh, what, and you think hitting him's going to help him?" " Give me the thing." "Give me the thing." " Don't--Don't hit him." " Don't--Don't hurt it." " I'll let him catch his breath a little." " What?" " Not his breath... but you know what I mean." "Yeah, little fishy." "You want to go, huh?" "You want to go?" "Go ahead." "We were just kidding." " You had enough fishing?" " I could be done." "Huh?" "Yeah, he's--he's all right, actually." "I'm better than all right." "This is the best I've been since I don't know when." "Your mother should leave me more often." "Mom should leave him more often, he said." "Why do you keep saying what I'm saying?" "Let me talk." "All right, he wants to talk to you." "I don't know." "Hello, sweetheart." "Listen, if your husband doesn't check in every 45 minutes... you won't be beside yourself with worry." "I agree with you 100%." "Ha ha ha." "All right." "Bye-bye." "And what?" "She's a very sweet girl, your wife." "Agree what?" "What'd she just say to you?" "She said you can be quite a pain in the ass... and I shouldn't take it personal." "So sweet." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "Listen to you." "Now, the point is, if a person is determined... to be unhappy and angry their whole life... then you know what?" "That's their problem." " Jeez, Pop." " What?" "So, if Mom was unhappy, you didn't care?" "I never said I didn't care." "You just said, if she's unhappy, that's her problem." " That's her problem, that's right." " OK." " What?" "So I'm the schmuck?" " No, but" "No, it's my fault." "She's unhappy because of me, right?" " No, I didn't say that." " Well, that's what you think." " No." "No, I'm not saying that." " Yes, it is." " Come on, that's what you think." " No, but I" "Well, I'm going to tell you something now that I never said before." "I think she was unhappy already when I met her." "That's right." "And all the time before that, growing up." "I think she was an unhappy girl." "Remember her father?" " No." "He--He was--He died." " Oh, yeah, of course." "Yeah." "Well, he was a real sourpuss of a guy." "Nice enough, but a sourpuss." "And your grandmother, well... she wasn't the cheeriest person in the world, either." "I'm not saying they didn't have problems... but it was not a happy house." "And your mother, by the time she set out into the world... she already had this, I don't know..." "I just never got the impression she was ever happy." "Well, maybe that explains... why she wanted so much to be happy with you." " OK." "OK." " Huh?" "But, listen." "I was in the same marriage... and I was happy." "Yes, you were happy, but that's the point." "Well, the point is, see... if you had made just, like, a little more of an effort" "Oh, peaches." "Oh, my God." "That's a peach." "You're really not going to try one?" "Can't." "Allergic." "Still?" "So juicy and sweet." "What do they do to them?" "Nothing." "They just picked it, so it's fresh." "Is that what it is?" "Excuse me!" " This peach came off that tree?" " Uh-huh." "How do you like that?" "They picked it there, they put it in a bushel." "Bang!" "We're eating peaches." "No middleman, no messing around." "Fantastic." " How can you still be allergic?" " How?" "I don't know." " Try it!" " I wish I could." "It makes my ears itch." "When's the last time you tried it?" " 1972." " Oh, for God's sake." "People outgrow allergies, you know." "Try it." " Nah." " One bite!" " I'm afraid I'll get that" " You don't know what you're missing." " Try it." " I" "Here, here." "Take a bite." "Go ahead." " Oh, my God." " You see what I'm saying?" "Live a little." "It's fresh." "They just picked it." "Boy, that's good." "You see, if your mother were here, she'd say..." ""Sam, you've had enough." "Two peaches are plenty."" "But you know what?" "I'm having another one." "What do you think of that?" "Really, I wouldn't have believed it." "How can you have allergies?" "Nobody has allergies when I'm the father." "I don't have 'em." "Your sisters don't have 'em." "All right, all right." "No need to get snippy." "Here we go." ""For relief of watery eyes... scratchy throat, and other hay fever symptoms."" "But your eyes, they aren't watery, are they?" "It's all right." "I'll be fine." "I wouldn't have believed it." "Have you ever heard of a grown man allergic to a peach?" " You folks from around here?" " Nah, just passing through." " Business?" " Uh, business?" "No." "Pleasure." "You know, a little fishing." "Hey, you folks want free tickets to the big game?" "What game?" "It's a beautiful day, so what do you say?" "Let's play some ball." "These are the best seats I've ever had for anything." "Batting next for the Saw Bellies... number 22, Ramon Espencela." "Ramon Espencela." " Yeah, now, there's a name for you." " Ramon!" "What?" "Sorry." "No." "I wasn't talking to you, I was just..." "Go--Go ahead." "Sorry." "This is a very small stadium." " And don't forget, folks..." " Oop." "Oop." "OK." " Go, Saw Bellies!" " Yes." "Go, Saw Bellies." " Explain that to me." " What?" " The holes in those jeans." " Uh-huh." " They're on purpose?" " That's right." " It's not because she's poor..." " Mm-mmm." "and can only afford ripped clothing." "That's correct, sir." "And she doesn't mind that we can see her ass peeking out like that?" "No, she does not." "In fact..." "I think she would be insulted if you didn't look." "The last thing I want to do is insult." "Top of the fifteenth inning, still scoreless." " Short pop fly..." " Run it out!" "Come on, run it out!" "Oh, come on!" "A little hustle on the bases!" "I say always run it out." "You never know." "You are right." "Do you boys want a coke or something?" " No, no." "We're good, thanks." " No, thanks." " You sure?" " Yeah, but thank you very much." "Yes, that's all right, too." "Boy." "Boy, she almost took an eye out with those things." "Ha ha." "How old is a girl like that?" "I don't know--23, 24." "What, are you interested?" "No, I just can't tell anymore." "You reach a certain age, you can't tell how old young people are." "If you said she was twelve, I'd have believed you." "She's not twelve." "I can't tell." "Yeah." "All right, but you're still looking." "That's good." "I'm glad to see you're still looking." "You can always look." "Listen, you could be a diabetic." "You see a cake, you can still go, "That's a nice cake." "Look how nice, the frosting around the edge."" "The frosting on the bottom." "You like that." "There's a hot grounder." "Yeah." "Beautiful!" "Yeah!" "Go!" "Whoo!" "There he goes!" "Whoa!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Whoa!" "Yay!" "47!" " Yeah!" " Beautiful." " Who's 47?" " 47." "47 is Albanis." "Albanis!" "Beautiful, baby!" "All right, Albanis!" "And just a reminder... this Friday night is kiddies' night at Baby's Steak and Claw." "I have to ask." "Are you two father and son?" "Well, how do you know we're not brothers?" "Well, I just think you two are so sweet." " Ah, you're nice." " Well, good luck to you." "Ooh." "OK, she's not twelve." "You play the Fender, and I'll play the toms..." "OK, so you're young, you're attracted to each other... but, like, when did it get romantic..." "Romantic?" "Who, with Ma?" "No, the girl with the tits." "Yes, with Ma." "When did you start, like, going out?" "I don't know if we did." "Somebody did something." "All right, let me think." "Uh..." "Gee, I don't remember." "I used to drive her home sometimes, because she lived not too far from me." "She told me the first time you ever kissed... was in the car dropping her off." "Oh, she did?" "Well, then she must be right." "Yeah, but she--So, OK." "So, what happens after that?" "So, you-- What, you're dropping her off... and you're making out in the car, whatever." "Yeah." "So, did you guys sleep together before you were married?" " Hey!" " What?" "That's too far." "I went too far." " I'm your father." " All right." " Hey, you don't ask things like that." " But, hey, you weren't my father then." "See, at that point, you're just a young guy... so I'm asking you as a guy." " As a guy?" " That's all." "As a guy." "Well, let me think about that." "Um...hmm." "The first time that I ever slept with your mother... was in a hotel on Lexington Avenue after work." "A hotel?" "The Thorgeson--55th and Lex." "Gone now." "Really?" "So--So--So..." "After work, and you just get a room, and then, like that?" "Well, you--you got to start somewhere." "Jeez." "What's the matter?" "No, that's just..." "Nothing." "It's just not how I ever pictured it." "Not that I ever pictured it." "Oh, yeah." "It was a nice hotel--all quiet." "And we had a little wine... and we had a little music on the radio." "And your mother, she had a little..." "Well, it was like a nightie-- pink, silky... little strings up here." "Short, but, you know, not too short-- like, uh, mid-thigh." "See, I can't tell if you're bullshitting me or not." "Of course you can't." "That's the whole purpose of bullshit." "Baby, whoa, baby" "Let's boogaloo down Broad, Broadway" "Yeah, funky Broadway" "Baby, oh, baby" "Let's boogaloo down Broad, Broadway" "Yeah, funky Broadway" " Ah, that feels better." " Yeah." "Oh, God." "We're gonna boogaloo" " Ohh." " What's the matter?" "I think they got this carpeting from us." " What?" " How do you like that?" "Fiesta cranberry, it's called." "Couldn't keep it in stock." "That's how popular it was." "OK, don't--don't do that." "Baby" "What?" "You don't listen to me." "Hey, you guys are up." "Oh, no, we weren't waiting." "I was just watching." " Let's play." " What?" " Let's play a little." " What, are you kidding?" "I've never seen you play pool in my whole life." "No, but before you, I could play pretty good." "You want to rack them up?" "Yeah." "And that's not playing in forty-whatever years." "Well, now, court is in session, baby" "And my heart is the one on trial" "Ah, court is in session, baby" "Hey, good." "And my heart is the one on trial" "There we go." "There you go, Sparky." " Me?" "No." "I don't drink beer." " Try one." " No." "The bubbles." " Hey." "They go up." "Hey, I ate the frickin' peach." "Huh?" "Can you deliver me a verdict?" "Not so terrible." "Oh, for God's sake." "I got no more other time" "Anyone feel like playing for money?" "No, no, no." "We're not here to play for monetary gain." "Nothing fancy. 10 bucks a game." "Kind offer, indeed, but I'm afraid our evening has come to a close." "25 bucks a game?" "Humble travelers are we who've come from afar... 50 bucks." "to but pass through your gracious village." " 100 bucks a game." " 100 bucks it is." "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "You're playing for money now?" "Not my money, his money." "Well, I just got back to the city" "I left my country man behind" "Don't give me too many chances." "I'm ready, willing, and able" "To give the city boys all of my time" "I got a whole lot of brand new tricks" "I'll give you that one." "I'm giving it to you." "Had a ball back from the sticks" "I wanna show you what I learned" "From the old-time country hicks" "I learned a new kind of mambo" "Oh!" "Can I trouble you for a cigarette?" "I left mine in a poplin zip-up jacket in 1961." "I learned a new kind of mambo" "And it just can't miss" "They really did that mambo right" "'Cause they held me good and tight" "Oh, yeah." "I could do that mambo now" "That's better." " What the hell are you doing?" " Just one cigarette." "You should not be having a cig" "What--No, don't" "And if Dr. Schneiderman hears about this..." "I'm going to rip you a new one." "Aw, that's a shame." "You hate to see that." "And it just can't miss" "It's a heartbreak." "Hmm, mambo" "And it just can't miss" "It's all coming back to me." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Rack 'em up." "Don't just stand there." " Oy!" " Whoo!" "This guy's the real deal." "Ha ha ha ha!" "Now, every woman wants a man" "A man who keeps his cool 7 ball... down the hall." "Oh!" "Number 3... out to sea." "Silly actin' fool" "Number 9... down the line." "So move it, move it slow" "But when it comes to lovin'..." "Number 8!" "Yeah!" "Let's turn the heat up, baby" "Number 8... shut the gate." "Wow." "Way to go, man." "Whoo!" "Well, thank you very much there." "That was quite exhilarating, but I believe that, uh... my work in this town... is done." "Ha ha." "Way to go, man." "What did we decide on, $100 a game?" "I believe it was, yes--100 bucks." "I don't remember that." "No?" "I believe my attorney here is correct." "I think you might be mistaken." "But, hey... you played really great, pops." "OK, hey." "Hey!" "Come on!" "Come on, fellas." "Now, you see, that's exactly the reason I gave up pool." " What?" " The fights." "There's no fight." "Sure there is." "Look." "Uhh!" " Whoa!" " Uhh!" "Whoa!" "Proud to be an American" "Part of a great democracy" "Calm down, calm down." "Come on." "Hey, hey, hey." "Get off me." "Come on." "Get off of me." "Get off me!" "It's all right." "Nothing to see here, folks." "Everything's under control." "Just a little misunderstanding, that's all." " Ooh!" " Oh!" "Oh!" "You know, you make a deal... you should honor it like a gentleman." "Don't you think?" "Now, personally, I don't care about the money." "In fact, I'd like you to give it to the proprietor... to make up for this ugly display." "All I want from you... is an honest and sincere apology." "Eat shit and die." "Oh, my God." "You know, you say something like that... and that makes me say this." " Oh!" " Ahh!" "Oh!" "What did I do?" "I got you both?" "Oh, jeez, I'm sorry." "I--I thought for sure I would've cleared you." " Ahh." " Boy..." "Yeah." "I'm OK." "I'm OK." "Boy, that's some shot I gave him." "Yes." "I must've been all pent up." "Well, to be perfectly frank, I must've been pent up from before." "You know, your mother and everything." "What?" "What are you laughing at?" "That's what you do in therapy." "Well, I got to say, I'm feeling a little better." "Yeah, well, I'm very happy for you." "Hey." "Well, look who's here." "Nice to see you again." "I heard there were two city boys tearing up our town." "That's us." "These are the guys I was telling you about." "This is my mother." "Well, hello." " Hi." "It's nice to meet you." " Yeah." "Sam Kleinman." "We were hoping that we could buy you two a cocktail... make up for the behavior of our few rotten apples." "No, no." "No, no, no, no." "No, that's--that would be sweet of you, but not necessary at all." "You are not allowed to refuse." "It's the law." "Huh?" "It's the law." "The law is the law." "Go." "Whoo!" "Spent $48 last night at the county fair" "I throwed out my shoulder" "But I won her that teddy bear" "She's got me sayin' sugar pie, honey, darlin', and dear" "I ain't seen the Braves play a game all year" "Gonna get fired if I don't get some sleep" "My long lost buddies say I'm gettin' in too deep" "But I like it, I love it" "I want some more of it" "I try so hard" "I can't rise above it" "Don't know what it is" "'Bout that little gal's lovin'" "But I like it, I love it" "I want some more of it" "See, my husband was the same-- travel, work, work, travel... and then one day I realized... you know, OK, I'm just going to have to make my own amusement." "So, that's when I started my correspondence courses... and I started my gardening." "See, that's healthy to me." "I mean, that I understand." "Yeah, you should see her tomatoes and zucchinis." "They're, like, freaky big." "My mom--I remember once, I was over the house" "Everything all right here, gentlemen?" "We're good." "And she was, like, "Where is your father?" ""I've had dinner on the table since 6:00."" "I said, "Ma, he's never been home at 6:00..." ""and he never will, you know, so why don't you just accept it..." ""and spare yourself all the heartache?" ""I mean, just make your life a little easier."" " You know what she says?" " What?" ""Because I like to think there's always hope."" "Yeah." "OK." "So now you see what I was dealing with." ""There's always hope."" "Right." "So let me ask you." "Who's crazy?" " Nobody's crazy." " No?" " No." " After all those years... she's still waiting for me to be different?" "I mean, I've been exactly the same the whole time." "I'm not pulling any surprises, but still she's surprised." "I know, and that's what breaks my heart." " What?" " Because she's hope" "I mean, all--I don't know." "Aren't we supposed to have hope?" "Isn't that what sustains us?" "Isn't that what keeps mankind going forward?" "This is a perfect medium-rare." "Pop, I'm asking" "What?" "Mankind, you said." "OK." "All right." "People hope for world peace, right?" "Now, do they really think it's gonna work out?" "No, probably not, but they still-- they keep praying, right?" "They keep hoping." "Yeah, but I'm not world peace, I'm her husband." "And one person could never be... exactly what another person expects them to be." "Because it's not reasonable." "Am I right or wrong?" " Yes, but still" " This is fantastic." "Here, taste this." "Come on, you got" " I have the same thing." " Never mind." "Taste mine." " I have the exact" " This is out of this world!" "Huh?" "It's exactly the same that I have." "If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go..." "Oh." "Sure." "Yeah, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "So, let me ask you--you married another woman, let's say..." "Mom married another guy, right?" "So everything was different." "What is it with you?" " I'm just gonna go with her." " Yeah, yeah, sure." "What did we do?" "We scared 'em away?" "What do you mean, what is it with me?" "What?" "Finish your question." "What?" "What is it that you're so concerned... what happened between your mother and me?" "What do you mean, why am I so concerned?" " That's the whole freakin' thing." " What's the difference?" "That's the whole thing of my life." "That's the--that's the-- that's the big white elephant in our house." "What was?" "The shit." "All the shit between you and Ma." " There was no shit." " There was no shit?" "Where was there shit?" "Everywhere you looked there was shit." " Bullshit." " Oh, come on." "All right, we didn't talk about it, but you don't think we saw it?" "You don't think we all saw the-- the finger-pointing... and the rolling of the eyes?" " Hey, I loved your mother." " I know." " I still love your mother." " I know." " And she loves me." " Absolutely, yes." "So, what are you saying?" "I'm saying, look how much love was wasted." "I mean, an abundance of love... quashed by a quagmire of shit." "I'm opening my pants." "Go ahead." "Oy." "OK, so" "OK, so let me ask you something." "You're such an expert." " You and your wife..." " Yeah?" "You don't have any shit?" " Of course we do." " Right." "And you handle all your shit perfect?" "No, not perfect, but I" "What?" "You what?" "All right." "Like this house in the country?" "Do I need that?" "No." "But it's important to her." "So I'm, I-- I listen to her." "So, really..." "she should thank me, your wife." "Hmm?" "If I didn't set such a bad example... you wouldn't be knocking yourself out for her." "Well, I--you know, you're joking." "I don't know, maybe." "I mean, a lot of times" "Any more sourdough bread for you gentlemen?" "We're good." "7-grain cheese rolls, sesame onion bread sticks?" "Nothing." "No." "We're really fine." "A lot of times it's just little stuff." "I try to do little things." "You know... surprises or little presents... or I write her little cards." "Which, you know-- See, you... you were never a big card guy." "So shoot me." "Hey, you asked me, "Like what?" So I'm telling you." "Believe me, little cards, little papers-- whatever the hell you're talking about-- believe me, that would not miraculously have made your mother happy." " Really?" " That's right." "Whatever it is that she needed, I didn't have it to give to her." "OK." "And when she didn't get it from you... who do you think she turned to next, huh?" "Who do you think she turned to next?" "Who?" " Me." " You?" "Yeah." "Well, all of us." "Really with me more than the girls, even." "Why?" "Because you're a boy?" "Yeah." "Because--yeah." "I mean, some" "What the hell happened to them?" "Somebody had to make her happy, right?" "Guess what?" "I tried." "Believe me, I tried." "That cloud, that-- that veil of disappointment..." "I could never make it go away." "I could never crack that sadness there." "So you know what I'm talking about." "Yes, I do." "And I also know that... she wouldn't have needed anything from me if she got it" " We also have a lovely" " Walk away!" "Just walk away." "She wouldn't have needed anything from me... if she got it from you." " Is that right?" " Yes, that's right." "And I'm tired of feeling like the fuckin' failure here... 'cause I'm not the one who failed her, you are." "You are." "You never cared." "You just went about your business... and, "Oh, everything will work out fine in the end."" "But you know what?" "It doesn't." "It doesn't work like that." "You have to-- you have to care." "You have to try and give a shit." "Huh?" "Look at that letter." "I mean, she was screaming for you, and you didn't hear it." "And now you're surprised?" "Forty years later, your wife is" "God knows where she is-- trying to figure out... why her life didn't work out like she planned... and you think that's got nothing to do with you, huh?" "It's got everything to do with you." "You didn't do your job." "That's right." "You didn't do your job." "Ohh!" "Uhh!" "Hey." "What a waste of a good steak." "I'm an asshole." " No." " Yeah, yeah." "Listen, I..." "I had no right saying all that." " No." " No, no, I didn't." "No, you're entitled." "And I'm gonna tell you something else." "Maybe you're right." "Maybe I could've done better, maybe I should've... but I didn't." "So you know what?" "I'm sorry." "OK." "You think the girls are worried about us?" "I think they'll be all right." "Unh." "Do you know... that was the first time since Roosevelt died... that I danced with someone besides your mother?" "And?" "I didn't like it." "It felt wrong-- wrong skin, wrong smell." "The height, her hands." "Didn't feel right." "Oh, what's she doing, Benny?" "She's gonna live by herself?" "She's gonna find someone else she likes better?" "Now?" "You know, we're not kids anymore, your mother and me." "You want to change your life, do it when you're young." "Ugh!" "I don't know." "I don't know what she wants." "I don't know what I did." "I don't know anything." "Ahh, unh!" "Are your stars moving around all cock-eyed?" "Yep." "Me, too." "Oh, you're a bad influence, sonny boy." "You made your old man drunk." "Well...sorry." "What's that?" "The Big Dipper?" "Where are you looking?" "What, here?" "Over here." " This one?" " Yeah." "Uh..." "I don't know." "All right." "Unh!" "This is what I want." "Everyone's worried about your mother... and what she wants." "But for me... this is enough." "Sitting down." " Well, sounds crazy, doesn't it?" " No, no, no." "But I swear, I think that's it." "All my life working... saving, building." "For what?" "All I ever wanted really was to... sit down... not worry about anything." "Oh, boy, I get it." "Believe me, I get it." "You know what?" "I think that's all Mom wanted, too." "Only she wanted to sit next to you." "You're a nice guy, you know that?" "Ah, that's the tequila talking." "No." "No, you're a nice fella." "Ahh." "Thanks for being my baby boy." "I heard you with your girl." "I think you got it right." "I mean, a baby comes into the world." "Where's it gonna go?" "It could go anywhere, right?" "You could've gone to some parents in China... or Timbuktu, but you didn't." "You came to us." "Why?" "Who the hell knows?" "But it worked out good." "Well, thanks for being my daddy." "My pleasure." "Well, I'll tell you... all I ever really wanted... really... pretty much this." "Benny?" "Benny?" "Well, if that's camping..." "I can do without it." "What?" "Her doctors discovered it two weeks ago." "Told her it was inoperable." "They said, "Figure six months."" "I don't understand." "I mean, how can that be?" "She didn't tell anyone." "She didn't--she didn't-- she didn't even tell the girls till she was at the hospital already." "She went out to the island... and she found some nice little place on the water... and she was-- she was by herself for a couple of days." "She was feeling fine." "And then she started-- she started blacking out." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "So, when she wrote that note on the refrigerator... she made that all up?" "No, she didn't make it up." "She did want to be alone." "Just for reasons... nobody knew about." "How could this be?" "Hello, my busy playboys." "Heh!" "Hello." "All right." "All right." "Look at you." "You don't need to be so dramatic." "I'm not going anywhere yet." "And come here." "How are you?" "Better than you." "What did the doctor say?" "Oh, the doctor." "He said I'm an old lady... and this is what happens to old ladies." "Why wouldn't you tell me?" "You think I tell you everything?" "You know, you think you're gonna live forever... but you don't." "Just live till one day, and then suddenly... you're done." "That's their big forever." "Oh, you got more visitors." "Charlene, this is my husband, my son." "Now you know everyone." "All right, give a girl some privacy." "Yeah, yeah." "All righty, then." "Let's see if we can get you..." "Oh, wow, you guys drove fast." " Ohh!" " Ohh!" "Oh, it's nice to see you." "Hi." "Mwah." " Mwah." " Hi." "Hey, look who's here." "Hey." "Hi." "How are you?" "Hello, gorgeous girl." "How are you, honey?" "Good to see you." " Hi." " Hi." " Hey." " Hi, sweetheart." "How are you?" "Sit down, darling." "So, how was the farm?" "What farm?" "They went to look at a house, a farmhouse on a lake." "Nobody tells me anything." "So was it nice?" "I don't want to talk about it." "Hey, this place didn't work out, but let me say this." "This guy is gonna find you a farm." "I promise you that." " I don't want a farm." " What does that mean?" " We need to live in the country?" " Yeah." "Oh, you know that I've never wanted that." "Don't you?" "Your mother wanted that." "Not--not me." "No, I know." "I know she" "What are you saying?" "So...you "don't" want it?" "Sorry." "Wrong wife." "So when--when we're looking every Sunday... in the magazine section and you're pointing... and you're pointing it out, what is that?" "Well, it seemed so important to you." "How come you never mentioned this before?" "Oh, I have." "You just haven't listened." "Ahem." "You know, Benny showed me that letter." "What letter?" "This letter." " Where did you get this?" " Benny." "What happened?" "What did I do now?" "I always wondered where this went to." "This one took it." "I thought maybe I threw it in the garbage or something." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "You said a lot of things in this letter." "And I want you to know that..." "I didn't know." "And now that you know?" "Oh, now that I know?" "Now that I know, I feel..." "I feel bad." "What do you think?" "I feel shitty." "Listen, don't believe everything you read." "What?" "What are you do" "What--what--what-- what are you saying?" "What?" "What, you didn't mean what you wrote in the letter?" "Well..." "Hmm?" "Maybe...then." " Then." " Then." "Yeah." "How about now?" "How about all the years between then and now?" " Benny." "What are you doing?" " Wait." "Wait a second." "Wait a second." "People change." "You know." "No, that's not true." "No, people don't change." "They change their expectations." "They adjust." "What?" "Have I felt disappointed?" "Yes." "All right?" "Do I wish some things had gone better?" "Of course, yes, I wish some things had gone better." "So, who gets everything they want?" "OK." "All right." "What do you want me to say?" "Say what you want to say." "What are you saving it for?" "Come on, he's a big boy." "Hmm?" "Why did you leave him?" "Truth." "I left... because I wanted to see if I could." "I wanted to-- to be not taken for granted." "Plus... you know why else?" "I know that when I'm gone-- heh-- you're not gonna know what to do." "I don't think you're so good by yourself." "This way, you could practice... see what it's like, you know?" "Heh." "And if you hated me for it... that's not so terrible." "You'd all get to talk about it together." "See, this is the thing about my mother." "She was made of love." "In the middle of all this... she was taking care of everyone else." "Under all that anger... after all that disappointment... the flame still flickered... the love kept ticking." "And she still held on to hope." "Despite everything she knew... and even everything she said... she chose to believe that things really might change." "And my father" "God bless him-- to his credit and to everyone's amazement... he did manage to change." "He still had within him the ability to surprise." "OK, you can look." "I heard you never got to go." "It's been closed for, like, sixty years... so, you know... a lot of the best exhibits aren't up anymore." "On the other hand... on the other hand, there's no lines." "Oh, almost forgot." "I got a little something for you." "What are you trying to do, kill me?" "So it took me fifty years to understand." "So?" "I'm not the swiftest guy in town." "But now I'm all caught up, what do you say we try again?" "Round two." "We'll say round one was everything up till now... and round two is from today on." "What do you think?" "Sound like a plan to you?" "Your loving husband, Sam." "OK." "My mother made it through the summer." "That's how long forever turned out to be." "But for that whole forever... it was the happiest I ever saw them together." "My father moved in with us after that." "We had our grapefruit juice every morning... and watched the news together every night." "It was a special, magical time." "But proving once again that you never know... we woke up one morning, and my father didn't." "He had been feeling perfectly fine." "I think he just really missed his gal." "It was a year full of surprises." "A few months later, we had another baby-- a boy." "We named him Martin Samuel, after both of them." "The little guy never got to know my mother and father... but, as no love shall heretofore be wasted..." "I promise you, he's gonna hear all about 'em."