"Season 12 Episode 12 "About Last Night..."" "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer." "Yeah!" "Obama!" " We did it!" "We effing did it!" "Yeah!" " It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment, change has come to America." "Yeah!" "Yeah, Obama!" "Change!" "It's..." "It's change!" "Sasha and Malia, I love you both more than you can imagine." "And you've earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House." "We will name him Sparkles." "He's so awesome!" "He's so perfect and awesome!" "Where we're met with cynicism, doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we'll respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:" ""Yes, we can."" "Yes, we can!" "Yes, I can!" "Yes, I can!" "Here comes the change, everybody!" " Did you see?" "Our man is in!" " We did it!" "Everything is gonna be awesome now!" "This is the greatest day of our lives." "Yes, we can!" "I don't even know what to do now." "I know what to do." "Losers!" "Losers!" "Losers!" " Losers!" " Oh, shut up!" " Losers!" " We lost?" "It is natural." "It's natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment." "We fought as hard as we could." "And though we fell short, the failure is mine, not yours." " Oh, no!" " No!" "No!" "Poor old John McCain." "He looks real sad." "No!" "No, this can't happen!" "No!" " Stephen!" " It's all over, Linda." "The country as we know it is about to change." "We're all dead!" "You don't know that." "With an inexperienced man as president, we do know it!" "He's right." "Game over, man." "M'kay?" "We'll probably be dead by sunrise!" "Butters." "Daddy loves you." "Just remember that." "He always loved you." "Obama!" "Get out of here!" "Dude, have you seen my parents?" "No, everyone's partying in the streets." " What's wrong with your brother?" " He was a McCain supporter." "It's OK, Ike, Obama will do fine." "{\1:10AM}" " Mr. President, over here!" " Great job!" "Change!" "Great job, Mr. President!" "Great job, Obama!" "Thank you all for your support." "If you don't mind, I'm gonna spend the evening getting some much needed rest." "Senator McCain?" "President Obama?" " Boom, baby!" " Oh, man, that was perfect!" "I almost thought we were gonna tie for a minute." "That would have screwed us." "You played it perfectly, there was no way." "It's McCain, we did it." "Obama is president." "Yeah, so I've heard." "You guys are out of your freaking minds, you know that?" "Yes, we do." "Assemble the rest of the team, we've only got ten hours." "Sure, hard part's over, right?" "Actually, the hard part's just starting." "Obama!" "Obama!" "Obama!" "Obama!" ""Celebrate good Obama, come on!"" ""It's Obama, Obama."" "Yes, I'd like to make a noise complaint." "Obama!" ""Who let the Obama out?"" "Oh, police are here." "OK, people, time to disperse." "Party is over." "It's a party!" "Obama!" "Come on, time to go home." " What are you, a McCain voter?" " Yeah!" "Sorry, pal." "But Obama's president now." "Obama!" "Obama!" "Obama!" "Obama!" "Yeah, flip the cop car!" "Flip the cop car!" "Hey!" "Put down my car." "Yes, we can!" "No!" "No!" "Hey, stop it!" "Jesus Christ!" ""Obama, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind."" ""Hey, Obama!" "Hey, Obama!"" "Hey, you guys wanna buy a TV?" "{\2:15AM}" "Bravo, Obama and McCain." "Ten years you've been working on this plan and you've finally pulled it off." "We've all known each other a long time, had many incredible adventures." "But this is going to be our greatest feat ever." "I knew it!" "When you two ran for president, you were just working an angle." "Always working the angles." "My friends, while the entire country is busy reacting to the election we are about to pull off the greatest heist in human history." "So, come on, enlighten us." "What are we stealing this time?" "The Hope Diamond." "Rated No. 4 of the ten most precious diamonds in the world." "Going street value Middle-Eastern market of course, $210 million." "210?" "Million." "No." "The Hope Diamond in ungettable, every thief in the world knows that." "Almost ungettable." "The diamond is kept in the Smithsonian Natural History Museum long considered the most thief-proof structure ever built." "Its wing is protected by impenetrable walls of two-foot wide steel." "On the north-east side, a 75-laser system." "There's simply no side of the Smithsonian that can be breached." "So, you go in through the roof?" "Drop into it from the top?" "Can't get to it from the top, a polymer shelf runs the entire expanse." "OK, you can't get into museum from any side and you can't drop in from above." "So you can't get the diamond." "Meet the presidential escape tunnel." "A two-mile long underground passage that runs from the White House to a location outside the city limits in case of an attack." "The tunnel is only accessible from the Oval Office and just happens to travel right underneath the Smithsonian Natural History Museum." "Boom, baby!" "You get somebody into that tunnel, they can blast into the museum, let the others in." "The heist is on." "So, you both run for president, because one of you has to win and you've got your access to the tunnel." "And we run a particularly brutal campaign so that the nation is as distracted as possible over the next eight hours." "This all sounds very risky." "We've spent ten years putting this plan together." "If we are indeed the greatest thief club in the world..." " And we are." " We won't get caught." "Yes, I'm trying to locate my parents." "My name is Kyle Broflovski." "Yes, I know Obama won." " Kyle, you got to get out here." " What?" "Your little brother's climbed out onto the window." "I think he's gonna jump!" "Oh, my God!" "Ike, don't do it." "There's still so much to live for." "I know you really wanted McCain to win, but it's going to be OK." "That's not true." "The economy could easily stabilize with Obama's plan." "Ike, don't jump!" "You could really hurt your ankle or something." "Really, Ike, that's like five feet off the ground." "Don't do it." "Goodbye!" "No!" "Ike!" "Oh crap, Ike!" "All right, everyone, I'm turning in for the night." "Go to standard security, team three." "Sir!" "We have a bit of a problem." " What?" " The new president-elect is here." "He wants in to the Oval Office." "Barack Obama?" "They are all right through here, sir." "Ah, hello." "Is there something we can do for you, Mr. Obama?" "Just checking out the new digs." "How are you guys?" "Good, sir." "I'd like to see the Oval Office, please." " Right now?" " I don't waste time, gentlemen." "I've only got two months to figure out how I want to redecorate, if you know what I mean." "You know, change the drapes and stuff." "Sure, right this way, Mr. President." "I will need absolute privacy, is that understood?" "Yes, sir." "Thanks." "I got $100!" "All right, McCain, I'm in." "Nicely done, B." "We're in position outside the Smithsonian." "You find the escape tunnel?" "I'm already on it." "Boom, baby." "Change!" "Change!" "Change!" "Dad, we have a problem!" "Not anymore, we don't." "Everything's different now." "No, we gotta take Kyle's brother to the hospital." "We don't have to take crap from the rich fat cats anymore." "Dude, he's wasted." "Hey, it's my boss." "Hey, boss." "Oh, hello, Marsh." "Yeah, you know what?" "Fuck you!" "You heard me, you fucking piece of shit." "I can finally tell you what I think of you, fucking asshole." " Dad, what are you doing?" " It's OK, Stan, everything's changed." "I don't need his stupid fucking job anymore." "You're a fucking assfucking piece of shit." "You know what Obama said?" "Yes, we can." "Hey, I voted for Obama!" "Obama's not talking about you!" "Can someone help us?" "My little brother fell out of the window." "I just wanna say to everyone who's little disappointed with the election, that there's always next year." "Maybe I'll run for vice-president again in 2009." "Mrs. Palin, have you seen or heard from John McCain?" "No, I don't really know where he went." "Kinda seems a little odd, I guess, but" "Oh, my phone's going ringy." "Excuse me." " Hello?" " Hello, Sarah, it's McCain." "I hope to God you're in position below the vault with the L7 charges." "I'm in the tunnel now, Sarah." "Should be almost below the museum." "Make sure you don't blow the transformers along with the tunnel, because it will trigger the lasers." "And don't damage the coupling wires or it'll be worthless when we shut down the grid." "I'll be there in thirty." "God!" "She's awesome." "Oh, I guess senator McCain's gonna fly me back to Alaska now." "He's got a private jet, you know." "OK, bye-bye then." "Bloody idiots." "All right, here we go." " What's that noise?" " It's OK, some construction outside." "Oh, no." "McCain, we've got a problem." "Hang in there, Ike." "We're gonna get you help." "There's some people." "Stay back!" "We don't have any more room in the Ark!" "You have to let us in." "You know the country is doomed." "Who are you to turn us away?" "I built this bunker in case McCain lost, there isn't enough room for everyone!" "Excuse me, but we need some help." "I know you do, but there's no more room, I tell ya." " You're going to deny them too?" " God sake's, man, they're children." "Look them in the eyes and tell them you won't take them in." " Look at their little cheeks." " Let go of my face, asshole." "All right, damn you." "They can come in." "No, we don't want in your stupid shelter." " OK, then I want their place." " Me too!" "We need to get a ride to the hospital!" "There isn't gonna be a hospital!" "Don't you get it?" "Let us in now!" "Jesus, it's already happening." "Society's breaking down." "Obama hasn't been elected four hours and already the country's going to hell." "Mr. Obama?" "Sir?" "All right, give me the keys." "Is there a problem, gentlemen?" "Uh, no, sir." "Everything OK in there?" "Why wouldn't it be?" "Sorry, but I asked to be left alone." "Yes, sir, it's just that..." "your wife is here." "My wife?" "Barack, everyone's been looking for you." "What on earth are you doing?" "Uh, come on in, darling." "Thank you, boys." "OK, Barack, tell me what's going on." "Michelle, there's something I need to tell you." "What is it?" "Barack, what is it?" "The laser system guarding the diamond was replaced by an optical relay three days ago." "You gotta be kidding me." "So the entire diamond vault is inaccessible?" "Is McCain online?" "Hi, Michelle." "Your guys weren't running update checks on the security logs?" "Michelle, we need you to do a different scan hack to the vault relay." "On a new system in an hour?" "Are you nuts?" "My job was to pretend to be married to this bozo and get you three scan hacks into a laser system." "Michelle, It's Sarah." "They replaced the system, but the new one isn't brand new." "It's an old H7 series." "You can break this baby in thirty minutes." "Tell Davis to get me a 4-trans emitter and enough pulse drive to light a spark." " You catch that, Davis?" " I'm on it." "{\HELL'S PASS HOSPITAL}" "We made it, Ike." "You're going to be OK." "There." "Just take a seat over there." "Excuse me, my little brother needs medical attention." "Was he an Obama supporter or McCain supporter?" "Why does that matter?" "Because then I'll know if he partied too hard or if he tried to kill himself." "Ma'am, please." "I think my little brother needs immediate help." "You don't understand, kid." "There's only two doctors on call." "And Dr. Wilson is out celebrating in the street somewhere." "So, where's the other doctor?" "Hey, come on, people." "We can keep partying, can't we?" "Yes, we can." "Come on, let's sing." ""Obama..."" ""When you came and you gave without taking."" ""But I sent you away, Obama."" ""When you kissed me and stopped me from shaking."" "I've almost got it." "You're only going to have five minutes, do you understand?" "Did you really not like pretending to be married?" "Oh, Jesus, now is not the time, B." "Come on, you have to admit we had some fun." "My girls need somebody better than a world-class diamond thief." "Wait." "There, I got it." "All right, we're about to go." "So, here's the revised schedule." "4:40AM." "The team gathers at the north-west exit of the museum." "4:45AM." "Michelle hacks the optical relay allowing me access to the rear doors." "Go!" "4:46." "From inside I can open the doors and let in the rest of the crew." "5:10AM." "At the department of power," "Quincy shuts down the grid, disabling power to the vault room." "5:12." "My grandma who faked her death calls in a bomb threat to the museum." "I said I put a bomb in your building." "Yes." "5:30." "The guards open the south-west door checking the museum for any bombs." "5:40." "McCain dressed as a football player enters enters security and shuts off the diamond case alarm." "Hey you, stop!" "Michelle and I head back into the tunnel and the hole is patched." "5:50AM." "I walk out of the Oval Office with the diamond securely hidden in my anus." "All done." "Thanks." " Boom, baby!" " There's just one thing." "Don't you think people are gonna be suspicious when you disappear?" "Go looking for you?" "We hired a guy for that a couple months ago." "What the hell?" "{\CORONER'S OFFICE AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY}" "Ike?" "Boom, baby." "Here are all the tickets for your group, Mr. Sanchez." "Thank you very much." "Well, friends, let us depart." "Hey, you guys go ahead." "I just came to say goodbye." "What?" "I've decided to hang it up." "Maybe give this president thing a shot." "B., You can't be serious." "You died in a jet in the Rocky Mountains, remember?" "Could have been I didn't make that flight." "What do you say, Michelle?" "Would you and your girls move into the White House with me?" "You know, settle down." "Just be president and first lady for a while." "You're serious?" "Who knows, maybe we could change a few things." "What do you say?" "Ah, what the fuck." "I just love happy endings." "It's still here." "It's all still here." "Does that mean maybe we overreacted?" "No, I wouldn't say that." "It's just maybe..." "Oh, maybe Obama will be all right." "Hey, where are my pants?" "Where's our TV?" "Where are my pants and where's my TV?" "Dad, your boss called." "He said you're fired." "Oh!" "Oh!" "God dammit!" "Obama said things will be different." "That son of a bitch lied to us." "I knew I should have voted for McCain!"