"honestly,meredith,I hardly noticed it." "Yeah,right." "How can you not notice this?" "Have you tried wearing a hat?" "I find that sometimes it--it focuses the attention up,away from the face." "or anything distracting,really." "When I had my wisdom teeth out,I spoke with a cockney accent for two weeks, and trust me,nobody noticed the swelling." "hello,governor." "Yeah,well,when you were here,you didn't have lindsay lopez making fun of you." "why don't you just talk to lindsay and tell her that she's hurting your feelings?" "Lindsay lopez isn't a person." "It's a gossip blog for the school." "Right,a blarg." "It's--it's got,like,pictures and lists-- you know,best hair and most doable teacher,who's dating who." "M-most doable what?" "Who writes this?" "Nobody knows." "Freeley,I'm sending you some burnouts after lunch." "If I can't use autopsy pictures to scare 'em straight,I'm at a loss." "What is wrong with your face?" "young lady..." "I apologize,and I promise,we are going to find the monster that did this to you." "Now he may say he loves you,but that does not excuse him" " beating you like an old dog." " Okay,bruce,this is meredith ritter." "She just had a medical procedure." "Oh,a nose job." "Good for you." "Plastic surgery is chicken soup for the face." "Thank you,bruce. thanks." "you're welcome." "Thanks so much." "mr." "O'malley." "Principal huffy." "I'm concerned about the educational films you've been showing in your spanish class." "Really?" "Why?" "Because they have nothing to do with spanish or education." "They were dubbed." ""Sabado night fever," "better off muerte,"" ""el grande adventure de pee-wee" and "witness"-- that is just a really great movie." "Movies don't teach kids spanish." "Movies teach kids smoking,violence and intercourse." "No more movies." "Uh,you got it." "You got it." "No problemo." "Is everything okay?" "Yeah,yeah." "Huffy just wants me to be more creative with my spanish lessons." "Well,it is good to think outside the box." "I think the expression is "think outside the bun."" "Right." "So I just heard about this web site that the students are into called lindsaylopez." "Yeah,it's dumb,but when it said I have the best hair of any teacher here,I have to admit... it made me feel pretty awesome." "So,um,how often do you read it?" "pretty much every day." "Honk!" "Most Do-Able Teacher" "jealous?" "Of lisa germain winning some juvenile beauty contest run by aunch of oversexed teenagers?" "Please." "That's inappropriate and unprofessional." "I want them to think of me as an authority figure,not a stripper." "I'm fine with where I ended up on the list." "Bruce,we have a serious problem." "There is a blarg being viewed by our students that is extremely hurtful and potentially damaging to their self-esteem." "Blog." "Lindsaylopez.Net." "I have it bookmarked." "Good." "You've heard of it." "So you know why I'm here." "I need you to have it taken down." "I had a student today who was reduced to tears." "Who?" "Oh,that tapey-faced nose-beast back there?" "look,I don't mean to tell you how to do your job,freeley, but she should know better than to get a nose job during the school year." "You save that for summer vacation." "It's like you don't even watch "the hills."" "I mean it,bruce." "This is like a 21st-century version of those awful slam books we had growing up." "Ah,those were harmless." "Oh,really?" "I remember one girl that had slightly hairier-than-normal arms, and some not-so-nice people gave her a really hard time." "I'm sorry,freeley,but we live in a different world now." "Web sites like lindsaylopez provide me with invaluable intel." "It's an invasion of privacy." "I can't believe that you're in charge of discipline,and you'll do nothing to stop this." "Oh,I get it." "You're upset about the hot teacher rankings." "What?" "What rankings?" "I-I--I'm not familiar with that at all." "look,if it bothers you that much,I'll throw you a couple of votes to bump you up." "I know under those rags lurks mething good,but my imagination can't do a the work." "Simon,sweetie,don't you have a class now?" "Bruce,you can't just pull simon outta class to stand behind you like a tiny butler." "He's my aide until noon 30." "All you need to know about that blog,freeley,is that it serves a purpose-- even the most doable teachers list." "Women need rankings." "How else are they going to know how attractive they are?" "For your information,those rankings are meaningless to me." "Myelf-esteem is based on my job performance." "I don't care if I'm 13th,14th,15th or 16th." "18th." "You're 18th." "Miss Guided Season01 Episode03 huffy seems to be a bit grumpy lately." "Yeah,he's not so happy with me." "But I figured out a way to be more creative with my teaching and get huffy off my back-- a car wash." "Are you sure that's the best way to teach the students a foreign language?" "No,the best way is to hire a teacher who speaks spanish,but that ship has sailed,so..." "I think a car wash is a great idea." "It is." "I was just about to say that." "I figure I'll have the kids speak spanish the whole time, and we'll give the profits to a mexican orphanage I read about outside of guadalajara." "charity is so important." "I actually volunteer at a homeless shelter." "When they run out of beds,I let the spillovers sleep on my deck." "Well,I would love to help you with your car wash,tim." "Me,too." "I'll even get my cheerleaders to pitch in." "It's a great way to teach them about philanthropy." "They should know that there's more to life than just being beautiful and well-liked." "Thanks,guys." "No,thank you,tim." "This car wash will be the perct opportunity for me to show tim a side of me he hasn't seen-- weekend becky,casual becky." "The challenge of turning a car wash into a spanish lesson is getting the kids to speak only spanish." "That,and figuring out how to dry the tops of S.U.V.S." "I'm thinking that we're gonna need some kind of pulley system or a harness." "You look really good today." "Thanks." "I just got a haircut." "I know." "I read about it on lindsaylopez." "I'm sorry,but the content of that web site is inappropriate." "I mean,a most doable teachers list?" "Oh,I know." "That list is so embarrassing." "It is so weird knowing that all these students think I'm doable." "Yeah,but you gotta admit,reading it is addictive." "So what is this for you,eight weeks at number one?" "it's all so juvenile,I barely pay attention." "Nine weeks." "Quite a run." "So what if tim reads lindsaylopez?" "Who cares?" "I'm not gonna change who I am or how I look to move up on some stupid list." "Yeah,but I'm the one who's jealous of you,becky." "I mean,it's so much easier being right in the middle where no one will ever notice." " I don't know that I-- no one w- - please." "Paul,what number is becky freeley on the list?" " Who?" " See?" "hey,man." "Check that out." "hello,boys." "Hurry off to class now." "Forever 21." "hey,tim." "Becky." "You look different." "what,this old thing?" "It's just something I threw together at the mall yesterday." "miss freeley,are you all right?" "I'm fine." "Thanks." "Great." "How long were you looking in my window?" "I didn'T." "I wasn'T... that is the last time I change in my car." "okay,lopez,what have you got for me today?" "Coach Terry.Here  Queer what?" "Oh,sweet baby jesus." "What,the photo?" "it's just a joke." "I'm a coolude." "I can take i they used to make jokes about me all the time back in school." "And you know what?" "I'm glad thedid." "I thank them for it because it made me the man I am tod-- the kind of man who can take a joke." "this is a message for lindsay lopez." "I don't know who you are,but I do kw this-- when I find you,you will pray for the sweet relief of death!" "Also,permission slips for typhoon lagoon are due by Scover" "********" "I realizt doesn't matter where I am on the list." "I mean,inigschool it would've driven me crazy." "But I'm an adult." "I have more imant things to worry about than some stupid lis if I look,it'snly because I'm concerned about the emotional welfare of my colleagues." "number 40!" "So here's how this is gonna go down,roger-- you're gonna tell me everything you know,and u're gonna tell me now." "Who is ldsay lopez?" "I don't know." "You don't know anything?" "You hearhat,simon?" "He esn't knownything." "well,here'shat I know" "I know you spendll day in the computer lab,I know lindsay lopez is a compur nerd," "I know I have access all oyour grades,and with one flick of my finger, your straight a's become straight d's, and you've got yourself a one-way ticket to douche bag community college." "I told you,I'm not lindsay lopez." "this is going nowhere." "This your lunch,roger?" "Yeah." "What areou doing?" "This looks good." "What is this,salami?" "Come on,man." "That's my lunch." "I'm not lindsay lope" "bad news." "Youroy just flipped." "He gave you up for s lunch,lindsay" "I'm not lindsay lopez." "Bruce,whatre you doing here?" "Trying to break this punk." "Go to class,lance bruce,you don't have e authory to do this." "On the contrary." "Ask huffy." "I do have the authority to do this." " Noyou don'T." " No,I don'T." "Lance,what a you doing in he?" "Get out." "you,too." "exactly." "How you feeling?" "Diculous." "I got caught up in e whole list thing." "I totay humiliated myself." "I can't believe I wore that outfit to school." "it's so unprofessional." "I'm such a dork." "Becky,the studen love you." "It--it's not because of the way you look." "It's because of the way you listeno them." "I doisten,and sometimes it's really,really boring,but I listen away." "How's the car wash coming?" "Great,but I totally understand if you d't feel upo washing cars." "Are you kidding?" "Washing cars is the only thing that'lmake me feel bette if ion't come,who'll be there?" "Well,lisa and the whole cheerleang squad." "what are th gonna do,root for the dirt to come off?" "I'll be there." "tim." "Senorita freeley hola beckY." "hola,becky." "I'm so glad you could make it." "I know." "Weev see eachthern the weeken." "It's nice,isn't it?" "You and me,casual." "another $100 to the pile." "T's $4." "How many cars have you washed?" "only about a dozen." "Mo of it's tips." "I think a couple of guys haveone rough twice." "They probly we through twice because they were unsatisfied with lisa's shod work." "hola jane" " hola jane." " Hola,jane!" " Thank you." " Thank you." "here you go." "OhI alady tied at cheerleader." "*********" "can I take your picture for e school paper,miss freeley?" "Ho on just a second." "Let me just get up." "thanks." "Okay." "Um de nada." "all in all,it was a really good day." "I got to snd some time with tim,and even with my neck brace," "I felt like I totally held my own with lisa." "She might not admit it,but i could tell she was impressed." "I've never seen anyone vacuum like that." "Well,onceactually we had a maid when we were growing up." "She had a lot of gumption st like cky." "We hado re her." "She was steali." "All right,lopez,plme'sver." "look,look at this." ""February 24th,I hope jeff asks me to the prom."" "Not unless jeff goes blind." "this is pretty good." "Listen to this." "gotcha." "mi freeley." "there she is." "hey,miss freeley,you're number one." "Thanks." "So are you." "No,on the most doable list." " sexy!" " I'm down with that." "Looks like there's more than one way get to the top of the list." "I'm proud that these kids are mature enough toecognize thathere's nothing sexier thanood old-fashioned hard work." "FREELEY GODES COMMANDO my... god!" "Knocky knock." "I know what you're gonna say,buyou have to believe me,it wasaundry day." "I-I d no idea that anything inappropriate would be showing in that photo." "You shoulda thoughof tha before you posed fort." "I didn't pose for it." "I've never even seen myself from that angle." "Phil,you know me." "I live with my mother." "I can barely watch an r-rated movie in college,I wore shorts in the shower." "This is the worst,most humiliating moment of my life!" "I know." "But you are a represtative ofhis school, anI suggest you think about that before you do or do not get dressed in the morning." "I swear,it will neve$@happen again." "The next time I run out of uerwear,I'll borrow my mom's, and I'll bunch up all the extra bric with a safety pin." "Oh,congratulations on making number one on the list." "'Bout time someone knocked off germain." "oking for something?" " That's my computer." " Wrong." "It's my computer now,lopez." "Looks like you and i have some talking to do." "I hope you're ready to-- wait." "Getting off,getting off." "Miss freeley?" "Meredith,I didn't know we had an afterschool aointment we don'T." "I just wanted to say,thank you so much." "I am a guidance counselor." "That's what I ." "I guide." "No,it's more than tt." "U're amazing." "when that picture of you went uon the internet, it was the most humiliating picture I'd ever seen of anybody." "Yep,it was." "I mean,if that would've happened to me,I don't know what I would've done." "Probably dropped out of school or moved out of state." "Okay." "Or killed myself." "You know,meredith,sometimes it's easy to forget that teachers ha feelings,too,and so-- but the way you handled it was awesome." "When you tolme to igre the pictures of my nose,I thought you were full of it." "But when it was a picture of you,cuando fue una foto you totally took your owndvice." "I did." "I-I didn't evelook." "If you want to see it,my boyfriend had t-shirts made." "No,that's-- thank you,but no." "bad news,lope you messed with the alpha dog,and now you're about to get bit." "You want me to take down the picture of miss freey?" "Who cares about" " I mean,yes,I guess you should take that down." "But more importanti want any and all incriminating and unflattering pictures of me erased fm the site." "You mean the gay one?" "That was sports." "D I want a ominently atured,full-page profile using photos of and approved bme,showcasing my heterosexuality." "And where am I supposed to get photos like at?" "Right he." "BRUCE:" "STARIGHT" "Becky,I'm so sorry that you had too througalof that." "You must have felt soiolated." "I should know." "I,um..." "I don't really like to talk about it,but in college," "I got talkedintoaking some photos that still hau me to this day." "What kind of photos?" "Formal wear." "It was the prom issue of "ym," was a teen model." "I had to wear orange,and I'm a spri." "That's not at all similar,but thank you." "Well,hey,guys,what's up?" "I was just trying to tell becky that she shouldn't worry about the embarrassing photo of her... on the internet." "Oh,yeah." "I heard about that." "I haven't seen it." "you haven't?" "I decided if there was something out there that becky wouldn't want me to see," "I wasn't gonna look at it." "Those blogs are a waste anyway." "I guess the whole ordeal could've been worse." "I thought everyoneas laughing at me,and they were." "But at least there was one person who was considerate enough tognore something that might be embarrassing to a friend." "He's such a sweetheart." "you really didn't ok at it?" "Nah." "Did you?" " Yes." " Me,too." "VP Terry.NOT GAY all right." "Now we're lking." "Sweet." "nice hog." "riding' it bareback." "Looking good,terry,real good." "Oh,that's nice." "who's gay now?" "not me."