"Nina was the love of my life, and now she's gone." "And under the circumstances, I really feel like I could have done with a bit more support from you." "I'm sorry, I had a lot on." "Long live the king!" "Long live the king!" "Long live the king!" "Long live the king!" "Increase the pressure." "Help!" "Turn it off!" "Hello, Nina." "Oh, my God." " 'Now Saul, get her through the door.'" " It's not my door!" "You know, God loves you very much." "Isn't that right, Professor Jaggat?" "Yes, Nina." "He loves you so much." "That doesn't make any sense." "Unless, of course, neither of them are the father." "You naughty girl." "Professor Jaggat." "Ah." "Reinforcements!" "Kemp." "OK, Kemp, so we have the contested father DNA samples, all in date order." "Erm, centrifuge, PCR, sequencer." "I take it you're familiar with the process?" "No." "I'm not here about a job." "I'm here about those wonderful papers you wrote last year." "Oh..." "Great!" "Your theory of a gene that could be the cause of all evil was a revelation." "Those papers were merely speculative." "An intellectual exercise, that some people..." "Really?" "So you don't mean a word of it?" "I'm sorry, but who are you?" " Last week you received a sample of blood, yes?" " Yeah, we get a lot of those here." "This one you'd remember." "You ran it through your machines and the readings made no sense." "You would have checked it several times, and then perhaps blamed your machine." "What was it?" "Evil." "Think it over." "And if you wish to learn more, give me a ring." "That looks boring, like a bill." "Ooh, a package." "Huh, wonder what that is." "Annie, by the way." "I'm dead." "Arriving at scene of incident now." "He's not been dead long." "Probably an OD, he was a known user." "I'll check for drugs and ID." "'Do you need SOCA?" "Over.'" " No, nothing suspicious." "Just an ambulance, looks like an overdose." "Over." "'Any ID, over?" "'" " Just a sec." "We're looking now." " Are you OK?" " Male, mid-30s..." " Do you understand what has just happened to you?" "They told me to wait for you." "No!" "No!" "Please, no!" "No!" "No!" " No!" "Please!" " Come here, Annie." "It's OK." "Hang on there!" "Good morning." " Good morning, Mitchell." " You're up early." "I'm making sausages." "D'you want some?" " No, you're fine." " Oh..." "Are you OK after yesterday?" " Oh, yeah, today's a new day." " I just mean after the call..." "Nina has opened my eyes." "It's like she's helped me finally figure it out." "I've had an epiphany, Mitchell, a breakthrough." "I am making..." " A list?" " Lists solve everything." "You put the thing on a list, you do the thing and then you tick it off." "And in that way, order is achieved." "And the world becomes..." "a better place." "Are you sure you're OK?" "No, this isn't the other side." "Yes, I did save you from the door." "And yes, I'm dead too." "Sykes." "Pleased to meet you." " You closed the door?" " A thank you would be nice." "Thank you." " How did you do that?" " Extremely well." "Anyway." "It's gone now, you're in one piece," "I'm in one piece, so I'll say cheerio." "Cheerio." "Wait, no!" "You have to show me how to do that." "It keeps happening to me, you see?" "I'm sure it does." "Please?" "Please, you have to help me." "I don't have to do anything of the sort." "Look, there's no automatic bond between us." "You're not my responsibility." "We're just ghosts, love." "Flotsam and jetsam." "This whole time, I haven't really wanted to think about what happens to me once a month, during my hairy times." "But as of now, I am facing it." "So, what happens to me?" "You turn into a werewolf." "Uh-huh." "Yeah." "And what's a werewolf?" " A big scary animal." " Exactamondo, Mitchell." "The key word is animal." "And what do you do with a big scary animal?" "You put it in a cage." "Thus, I am going to buy a cage." "See?" "This is on my list." ""Buy a cage"." " Yeah, a very strong cage." " Well, that's granted." "But here's the thing." "I've been treating this whole wolf thing like this big life-changing thing." "Running around, doing jobs a monkey could do." "But what is it really?" "Really, when you think about it?" "It's one night a month." "That's all." "There is no reason for me not to live a long, normal, full life the rest of the time." " And that's what I'm going to do." " Is that on your list, too?" "Yes, in a manner of speaking it is, Mitchell, yes, it is." "See?" "Number two. "Get a better job"." "I mean, I speak a ridiculous amount of languages." "I have an IQ of 156, for God's sake." " Erm, no offence." " Yeah, well, us thickies at the hospital are really gonna miss you, man." " I'll haunt you." " You can't haunt another ghost." " Well, I'll give it a damn good go." " There's nothing I can do for you." "Fighting the men behind the door is grown-up stuff." "You're outmanned and outgunned." "Grown-up stuff?" "You're about nine." "I died when I was 23." "In ghost years, I'm 89." "Oh, great, so you're senile." "Look, look..." "If you don't help me, then sooner or later they're gonna get me." "Please?" "Please, I'm asking you, I don't know what else to do." "You've resisted death's door three times." "How could you know that?" "Oh, please, it's written all over your aura." "Which I could teach you to read." " You can read auras?" " Maybe." "Well, show me how to do that at least." "I mean, that's not like teaching." "That's more like a magic trick." "Yeah?" " What's all this?" " It's traditional." "Boss gets first drink." "What part of "no blood" did you not understand?" "No, no, no." "This is different." "She wants to be fed on." " Excuse me?" " We found her online." "On an emo message board." "There are dozens of 'em." "They talk about vampires and there's all this bonkers self-harm stuff." "It gets really dark." "Anyway, they love the idea of being drunk from." "It's a kind of groupie thing." "Isn't that better?" "No, Campbell, it's not better." "Get her out of here, will you?" "Sorry." "She says, can she have her bus fare home, then?" "For fuck's sake!" "Here, there you go." "Morning!" "Well, that was a very creative reinterpretation of the rules." "There aren't rules." " There's one rule." " Oh, yeah..." "Well, that's addicts for you." "Always looking for little loopholes." "There's an alcoholic I knew once." "Dry for years, never missed a meeting." "Then he tried to convince himself that Advocaat wasn't proper booze." "He died." "Cholesterol poisoning in the end." "What?" "Is there something on my face?" "What is it, food?" "About four feet across." "And lockable, obviously." "What kind of animal is it for?" "Erm...different types." "Well, I need to know for the gaps in the bars, you see." "Oh." "Of course." " Let's say a very big dog." " About the size of a man?" " What?" " It's OK." "Relax." "We get a lot of business from the SM community." "Not a problem." "I've even dabbled a bit myself." "Oh, oh...a cage for sex." "That's embarrassing." "I was obviously embarrassed to say that I wanted a sex cage." "But now that that's out in the open, th-that's wonderful." " Now, where are they?" " What's this?" "Last job I did, they sent me these, as a kind of thank you." "I'll throw them in." "No charge." "Oh, that would be lovely." "Yes." "Thank you." " Cheerio." " Goodbye." "Unbelievable." "Tell me, is there anybody left in Bristol who can have a shag without being tied up first?" " What?" " I've had two tradesmen think that I'm a pervert today." "Two." "And the last one, apparently he soundproofs dungeons all the time." "Well, better they think you're a nonce than a werewolf, surely." "I'm sorry." "Who are you?" "His name's Sykes." "He's dead." "Apparently very good at closing doors." "Door doors." "Ah." "So can you teach Annie how to do this?" "Maybe." "Maybe not." " I'm sorry, why are you here again?" " Mitchell!" " He's..." " Ah...!" "Sorry." "Can I have a word with you, please?" "Now." "Yeah." "So." "Been dead long?" "Er, you are not my dad." "Oh, come on, Annie, all the stuff that's been happening lately." "This guy just happens to turn up." "They could have taken me, right there and then." "And he saved me." "And I had to drag him here, only to have you act like an overprotective father." "Come on." "Ease up." "Mmm." " How's George?" " Not good." "Hyper." "Fixed grin." "He's not even mentioning Nina." "Well, that's not healthy." "He needs to talk about it." "Annie needs protection." "So if you know of ways that can help her, then surely it's your duty." "OK, OK, cards on the table." "Do you wanna know why I don't wanna teach you?" "Because there's only one passing grade." "Anything less than an A plus, then they've got you." "You're gone." "And I really don't want that on my conscience." "Sykes, if you don't teach me, then I'm gone anyway." "0900 tomorrow." "That's if it's OK with your two dads." "It's absolutely fine with my two dads." "Thank you." "Well, I liked him." "Hey, it's probably not the best time to ask, but can we swap rooms?" "It's a whole size thing with the cage and it's just..." "Yeah, you can..." "It's just something to think about." "You take your time." "My name is Campbell and I'm a blood addict." "It's been nine days since my last drink." "And boy, don't I know it." "But I'm just hoping that with the support of this new group," "I'll be able to make it ten days." "Then 11, and keep going." "Stay on the straight and narrow." "Stay dry." "Well done, well done." "Please don't say you got that idea from me." " You should be pleased!" " Pleased?" "!" "Don't be fucking ridiculous!" "It's like when they dress up those bears and make them dance for the tourists in Istanbul." " Have you ever seen that?" " No, I can't say I have." "Well, this great big mountain of power and fury, done up in a fez and a waistcoat." "And all the time, you're just waiting for it to wake up, realise what it is and tear someone's throat out." " Do you ever actually see it happen?" " Yeah, yeah, I did." "Horrific." "I mean, I've got photos." "If you want, you can..." "I want you to sign up." "Go clean with us." "OK." "OK, Mitchell, now you just tell me why I would want to do that." "Because you're a legend." "You're one of the old ones." "If you go clean, then overnight, this programme is suddenly legitimate." "I think I'd better rephrase the question." "What do I get out of it?" "This is just the beginning." "When it starts to bite, every single one of those poor bastards are gonna go through hell." "The thirst." "The pain." "The desire." "The memories." "Just think, Ivan, all that feeling." "Each moment, a stab of pure undiluted sensation." "Sorry about this." "The Principal will be back soon." " It's fine." " Can I get you a drink?" "Tea, coffee, water?" "Water would be great, thanks." "Oh." "D'you mind having your water in a mug?" "No, that would be fine." "Never feels right, though, does it?" "Water in a mug?" "Well, I'll just pretend it's tea." "No-one'll know." "And you get the granny mug no-one else wants." "Ooh, now you're just spoiling me." "Thanks." " Is she yours?" " Mm?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "Molly." "Just turned seven." "It's a good age." "It is a good age." "Have you got any yourself?" "Oh, no, no." "I never really found the right..." "No." "No kids." "What's wrong with you?" "Sorry?" "That's the thought that springs most immediately to mind when I... see a CV like this." "Massively overqualified for what we do here." "Yeah, I thought that might be a problem." "I would like to point out that I've been a hospital porter for the last two years." "So this really would be for me a big step up." "Which brings me back to my original question." "What's wrong with you?" "Why settle for being a porter?" "Why settle for... here?" "Two years ago, I had an accident." "And it was quite traumatic." "And I didn't really feel able to do anything apart from manual labour." "But, as of now, I feel ready to re-enter the world." "Erm, of languages." "For their agents, they usually pick the mentally weak." "The depressed, insane, alcoholics." "Like the guy yesterday." "But learn to read auras and you can spot them a mile off." "What do you make of this likely looking fella here?" "Ooh, seedy." "Desperate." "Having a midlife crisis." "I meant from his aura." "This is like those Magic Eye things." "I could never do those either." "Just give it time." "Something grey." "It's like it's in his head." " It's a tumour." " Yes!" "No, no, gosh, no." "No, that's terrible." "Well, we have to let him know somehow." "I think he already knows." "So, theoretically," "I could read your aura." "Well, yes, I suppose." "Oh, go on, let me." "I need the practice." "You're not wearing ladies' underwear or something, are you?" "You stay out of there, do you hear me?" "Look, I'll do what I can to help." "But, please." "That's my only rule." "Sure." "Sorry." "I didn't think." " Hey, Lucy." " Hello." "Look, I've been thinking about this whole me being a closed book thing, right." "How's this for a deal?" "20 questions and I have to answer them totally truthfully." "That's not so much a conversation, more like a job application." "I think it's a remarkable offer for somebody as closed off as I plainly am." "Go, first question." "OK." "Where were you yesterday?" "An AA meeting." " Seriously?" " Yeah." "But don't freak out." "So that's your big bad secret, is it?" "You could say that." "Hang on." "No." "I saw you had a drink the other day." "Yeah." "Well, let's just say alcohol wasn't my drug of choice and leave it at that." "But I've been clean for a while now." "Oh, my God." "This is real, isn't it?" "Yeah." "So, um..." "I take it you're doing the whole 12-step thing?" "Pretty much." "Including making amends to those you have wronged?" "Because I should definitely be on that list." "So how can I make it up to you?" "I'll think about it." "But I should stress, you are not off the hook." "And I still have 20 questions." "So, can I take it that's the mysterious Lucy?" "Yeah." "What do you reckon?" " She's out of your league." " Thank you, George." "Seriously, there must be some other reason for her chatting you up." " Like access to drugs." " She's a doctor." "She can steal her own drugs." "Oh, so she's on drugs." "That makes perfect sense." "You see, it's pep talks like this I'm really going to miss." "Yes, you are." "Because I've just handed in my notice." "As of now, I am a language teacher, just pretending to be a porter." " Wow." " Read that." " Shit." "Take it easy!" " Ah, don't worry about it." "He's got enough tranqs in him to keep a horse out." "All right?" "They'll knock out a human." "Don't know about a wolf." "Thank you, Mitchell." "Tick!" "I love lists." "Yeah, you do." "Hello, Nina." "Ow..." "Ah." "Just wait a second." "Are we sure about this?" "Have we changed anything about the procedure since it killed the last one?" "No, but look, she has a completely different physiology." "I have a nosebleed." "Hello?" "Should this be happening?" "Hello, Nina." "Um..." "Just..." "Just relax." "It's all part of the process." "This is how we learn." "God, please!" "This is how we help them." " We can recalculate for the next one." " Please stop!" " The next one?" " George Sands." "Fine, but surely the best way to reach him is through Nina." "We're actually at full moon." " Lower the pressure." " Any sudden drop in pressure now will probably kill her." "Chances are she will explode like the last four." "I said lower the pressure!" "All right, OK." "There." "You see - it wasn't a complete waste of time." "We now know that a werewolf doesn't have to be conscious in order to change." "When she changes back tomorrow, tell her we had a malfunction." "If you want to bring George Sands in, you need to keep Nina alive and believing." "Would you like to see the most beautiful sight in all of God's creation?" "It's a sleeping werewolf." "It's eight hours of a sleeping werewolf." " Oh, wow." " I mean, it's not literally, obviously." "I set it to time-lapse function, so it's taking a frame a minute, I think," " so that's technically not..." " George, shh." "Enjoy the moment." "George, I'm so happy for you." "I've done it." "I've put the wolf to sleep." "I'm free." "I don't know what to do first." "Maybe take a shower?" "Oh, God!" "You are ripe!" "Oh, get off!" "Oh, you stink!" "You stink!" "Get off!" "Hello, everyone." "My name is Mr Sands." "And I'm here to teach English as a foreign language." "Now, I'm going to kick off today's lesson with the two uses of the phrase "used to"." "Such as, "I used to have long hair", or, "I got used to walking home from the woods"." " Er, yes?" " What is "F" word?" "Well, I..." "I don't think this is exactly covered on the lesson plan, so we'll skip over that one." "Then why they not say "fuck"?" "Yes, OK, yes, I know I'm new, and you probably do this to all the new teachers, but..." "No, no, no." "We need to know these things." "No-one tell us." "They tell us about mouse and mice, and woman and women." "But people laugh at us we don't know what is "F" word." "We need to know these things." "Do you know what?" "You're absolutely right." "Swearing is a part of English and it's a huge part of social interaction." "OK, yes, so for ten minutes every lesson," "I am going to teach you about swearing." "They use them to recruit agents, to spy on us," " and sometimes, to come through." " Don't I know it." "If they're in control, there's a frequency that you can feel." "It's low." "Like a bass hum." "Now, if that happens here, we're done." " OK." " Right." "'Moderate temperatures...'" "Try." "'..back in the north, we can see a clear picture on both sides of the Great Glen." "'To Europe...'" "Well done." " '..throughout the country...'" " Again." "'We can see a high pressure front from the west 'which will create a very pleasant outlook for all of the west coast 'and all areas of the south.'" "This time it's like there's something blocking me." "Is it them?" "No, sorry, that's me." " Want to get your tongue off the floor?" " What?" "A man's got eyes." " It's like training with Benny Hill." " Who?" "Have you watched TV at all since you died?" "No." "I wonder why!" " We need to expose you to modern culture." " Annie..." " Start with Sex And The City." " Annie!" "Shall we try something else?" "..which stands for..." ""shut the fuck up"." "Shut the fuck up." "Shut the fuck up." "All together..." " Shut the fuck up." " Mr Sands." "A word, please." "Excuse me." "I took a very big chance employing you." "Mmm?" "I want you to understand that." " Say that you understand that." " I'm sorry." "It won't happen again." "Say you understand that." "Oh, you...you actually want me to say it?" "Yes." "I..." "I understand that." "What do you understand?" "Um, that you took a very big risk in employing me." "That's right." "I did." "And what I did not expect to see, in your first week, is you teaching my students profanities." "Say, "It will never happen again"." "It will never happen...again." "Wonderful." "OK." "Who'd like to start?" "My name is Ivan." "I'm a blood addict." "It's been part of me for so long, you know." "It defined me." "The thought of life without it seemed absurd, it's futile to even try." "And then I realised that... ..I belonged to this hunger of ours." "195 years of servitude." "You think about that." "Think about that and tell me... that it isn't time to stop." "Well said!" "Enjoy your chicken, sir." "I'm going to enjoy this." " What?" "I'm hungry." " Yeah." " So, erm, how are you finding it?" " Oh, yeah." "It's great." " Students, an absolute joy." " Mm-hm." "I've seen your CV, you'll be gone in six months." "You must be dying of boredom." "No, I'm not." "When you've had the kind of dangerous, hair-raising life that I have, the idea of boredom just seems..." "really exciting." "You've lived a dangerous life?" "Oh, yeah." "That whole porter job, that was just a cover-up." " I'm actually..." " A spy?" "Well, I was going to go for superhero, but that's fine." "And what were your powers?" "Extreme hairiness." "Cocks!" "What are we doing back here?" "We've only just left and I do not need a break." "This isn't a break." "This is a test." " You should be strong enough to do this." " Do what?" "Madame, monsieur, I believe you have the seven o'clock reservation." "If you'd like to follow me." "What's all this?" "I put them in ascending order of bowl size and intensity of flavour, from left to right, obviously." "That's very thorough of you." "So, what are we testing?" " Your ability to taste." " What?" " I can do that?" " That's what we're here to find out." "Right, now, place your hands on either side of his head." " Are you sure you're all right with this?" " Oh, yeah." "Go for it." "Thank you, George." "You're a star." " OK." " Ooh!" " It's tingly." " Sorry." "No, it's fine." "I like it." "OK, Annie, close your eyes and imagine it's you sitting at the table." "Imagine you're opening the dish and eating what's inside." "It's cold." "I can feel cold, cold on my tongue!" "Your tongue." "Anything else?" "Er, bright." "A bright flavour." "Um..." "Lemon?" "Wow!" " I can taste lemon." "It's lemon." " Yes." "It's lemon sorbet." "Top marks." "Oh, my gosh!" " Concentrate." "Stick with it." " OK." "Um, meat?" "Lots of meat?" "Mm-hm, you betcha." "Whoa!" "Are you OK?" "Um, yeah." "Yeah, but I don't feel very well." " Can we stop now?" " Of course." "Thanks for all your help, George." "Oh, no, that's, um... that's fine." "I'll, er..." "I'll just throw..." "all of this in the bin, then, shall I?" "!" "Wow!" "Clearly somebody's been watching a bit too much Gordon Ramsay." "I'm sorry about him." "A walk through Venice is like a walk through ancient history." " Unperturbed, fantastic..." " See you later." "Take it easy now, guys, see you next time." "Keep strong." "Hey, Mitchell." "Another good meeting, another seven on board." " Yeah." " We need more tea and biscuits." "Having you as our poster boy hasn't hurt." "I'm going to be giving out autographs soon." "It's like being in a fucking boy band." "The thought of you in a boy band is disturbing on so many levels." "The thing about boy bands is, it's all about image, isn't it?" "Behind closed doors they can be, you know, dressing up as Girl Guides, snorting coke, fucking swans." "You know, all that matters is what happens on that stage, right?" " Where are you going with this?" " I can't do it." "I thought I could, I wanted to, I swear, but..." "I've never gone this long without blood." "Oh, come on." "It's only been a few days!" "Yeah, after 195 fucking years!" "Do you know how many people are in that room because of you?" " If you quit..." " I am not gonna quit." "So what are you saying?" "I may be many things, Mitchell, but I am a man of my word." "I will stand in that room and talk about how brave and strong we all are, how this is a fight that we can win." "I will do that for as long as you need me to, but I... ..I cannot do it... dry." "Do you have any idea what you're asking me to do?" "I could say the same to you." " Emergency contact number?" " Mitchell." " 07700 900 345." " ..5." " That your brother?" " No." "We live together." "Housemates." " Ah..." " I am so sorry, I thought..." " I thought you wanted to..." " No, no, I'm sorry." "If I'm honest, I put that folder behind you on purpose." "So, the computer crash that wiped my file...?" "Not so much of a crash, more of a me pressing delete." "That's very devious." " Hello, you." " Hello yourself." " Ooh!" " OK, sorry," " I didn't know whether or not..." " It's OK." "We can work on that." "So, how was your morning?" "Oh, you know, the usual." "Bollocks!" "I know." "Class four..." "Listen, let me buy you a drink, cheer you up." "Er, I don't know." "I'm suddenly feel a bit..." "Shit!" " Oh." "Are you ill?" " Mmm." "Are you going to throw up?" "Oh, well..." "let me help you." "Fuck!" "Balls!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Fuck!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "Parking ticket." "Shit!" "P-P-Piss off!" "It got even worse today." "This afternoon I had a really bad attack in the middle of reading out a sentence they were supposed to repeat." "Did they repeat it?" "Yeah, some of them." "Word for word, effing and jeffing." "Not a care in the world." " This is not funny." " I know, I'm sorry." "This can't be happening to me." "This can't." "I teach language." "Well, you..." "you could teach bad language!" "Stop." "Just stop." "Stop laughing!" "George!" "What the fuck are you doing?" "!" "And did I mention I've been getting a little bit angry lately?" "Yeah." "We've noticed." "I got cocky, didn't I?" "I thought I could put the wolf to sleep." "Like it would be that easy." "Come on, we don't know that this is anything to do with that." "Yes, we do." "It's like I can feel him pacing in his cage up here, and he feels cheated." "He feels aggrieved because I didn't let him out, I didn't let him rage, and he wants to rage so very much." "On the bus home today, there was this kid, about 16, and he was playing one of those phones that has a little speaker, and he was playing it really loudly and nobody was saying anything," "and I wanted to kill him." "I really wanted to kill him." "I pictured myself picking up that phone and smashing it into his face over and over and over..." "But you didn't, George." "You didn't give in to it." "Yeah." "You controlled yourself." "That's the main thing." "He got off the bus." "So, do you have the package?" "You think that's funny?" "Well, you know, I'm just trying to lighten the mood." "So, why do I suddenly feel like a turd in a swimming pool?" "Just answer me this, did you ever actually think you could go dry, or was it just another one of your games?" "I thought I could do it." "I thought I was powerful enough." "I was wrong." "OK?" "You know, Mitchell, eventually it just makes children of us all." " Don't kill her, Ivan, do you hear me?" " You're the boss." "Don't I know it." "Please, no!" "How many do you have now?" "How many vampires are not drinking right now, because of us?" " You're saving lives, Mitchell." " Yeah." "I'm a fucking hero." "Enjoy your meal." "It's time." "I think you're ready for your exam." "I think you're strong enough." " What do you mean?" " Where did you die?" "Is it far?" " Ta-da!" " Right." "Turn on all the radios, the TV, anything electrical." " How long do you think it'll take?" " Not long." "It's a honey pot now." "Show time." "Good luck." "'And in other news today, a young woman was killed 'in a tragic fall in the home...'" "Poor little me." "I fell down the stairs and now I'm dead." "Yeah." "I am." "Poor little me." "My fiance did it." "He didn't love me at all." "No." "I really don't think that he did." " Have you told her what you did?" " No, she doesn't need to know that." "Sykes?" "What does she mean?" "Of all the men who died because of your mistake, your cowardice?" "Oh, God!" " Save me!" " I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." " I failed you." "If I could go back..." " Sykes!" "Sykes, focus!" "It's just you and me now, little girl." "We could eat you up." "You're one of them, aren't you?" "Hmm?" "You might've put on my face, but you're one of The Men." "It's just tricks." "You put on a mask to frighten me." "You convince people to hurt me." "You've got to keep me scared because you can't actually do anything." "We can drag you to hell any time we wanted." "I thought you were an army of devils, but you're not." "You're a magician... who's come to the end of his act." "And this?" "This was your big finish?" "It's pretty poor." "You've lost your audience." "Where are you going?" "I think that's a pass." "It's unprecedented -- a nest of vampires renouncing blood" " led by... one that's clean." " Clean?" "Perhaps this will change your mind." "The funeral parlour." "Their base of operations for 27 years." "Then came their regime change and the premises were abandoned." "Until, that is, six days ago, when they moved back in." " Hang on, why haven't I heard about this?" " And what does it tell us?" "That vampires are despicable and craven creatures." "It's just a building." "One that happens to be very convenient for the disposal of bodies." "As much as I respect your spirit of forgiveness, Professor," "I do worry that you've lost sight of the difference" " between a werewolf and a vampire." " That isn't remotely patronising!" "For the werewolves, we are trying to free an innocent soul." "For the vampires, the battle's lost." "There is no soul to save." "He is capable of change." "And I will prove it." "Oh, look, I've been sharpening it so much that I've just got a little one." "I wonder if you could get me a..." "a bigger one?" " Would you?" " Mm-hm, mm-hm." "Oh, now, that's a nice big one." "I like a nice big one." "Don't you, Sam?" " No." "I do not like a big one." " Not what I've heard!" "Hilarious!" "Just calm the fuck down!" "F..." "Oh, sh..." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "George?" " Are you all right?" " Yeah, hi, Sam!" "I'm fine." "How are you?" "I'm just doing some paperwork." "I, er..." "I heard about what's been happening." " Your swearing." " Oh." "I just want you to know, it doesn't matter to me, not in the slightest." "It doesn't?" "Why would it?" "You don't mean to say those words, it's not you, it's not who you are." "Because who you are is the nicest guy I know." "Who owes me lunch!" "OK." "Fuck you!" "One step at a time, tiger!" "Ah, shit." "Ah!" "Ah!" "Wha...?" "!" ""Mr Sands suck cocks"?" "!" "That's..." "For God's sake!" "It's "Mr Sands sucks cocks"." "Singular, not plural, you..." "Have I taught you nothing?" ""Sucks"." "Are you vandalising that mirror?" "Er... no." " No, I'm not." " I saw you writing on it." "Yeah." "Yeah, I think it'd be best if I just go." "Do you think you can come here and do whatever you like, is that it?" "Swear at the students." " Write filth on the walls." " Please, just let me go." "No, no, no." " I want an apology." " OK." "OK." "I am sorry." "For what?" "I'm sorry for writing graffiti on the mirror." "And?" "And I'm sorry for swearing at the students." "And?" "And for daring to date a woman so way out of your league." "And for... daring to..." "Oh, no." "Oh, my God." "Oh!" "Why couldn't you..." "Why couldn't you just..." "let me leave!" "You tell anybody about this," "I will come back and I will finish off the fucking job." "Not the police, not Sam, not anybody." "Do you understand?" "Do you understand?" "Do you know what I don't get?" "People still can't see me." "I thought that at least I would be visible again." "Annie, you were never meant to be visible in the first place." "There's a natural order." "There's life, there's the door, and then somewhere in between them, there's the ghosts." "But you..." "You were something different." "A crease in the cloth, a..." "In a plane, you have this thing called an artificial horizon." "It's this little gauge and you have to keep it flat." "And that's order." "You tipped the world too much in one direction and sooner or later, it had to right itself." "What happened to you, Sykes?" "In battle, you don't have the time to think everything through." "You make the right choice, your men live." "I made the wrong choice." "I've had 70 years to think about it." "And that's why I didn't want to help you." "I didn't want to have..." "responsibility again." "I didn't want more blood on my hands." "Is that why you're still here?" "I go through that door and I know who's waiting for me." "Maybe they'll welcome me now, but maybe not." " I'm a coward, Annie." " No." "That's one thing you will never be." "On the plus side, you don't have to worry about the gatekeepers any more." " Yay!" " Not after what you did today." "From now on, the door will be your choice." "Why would I ever choose to go through?" "The world will change around you." "You'll see people fall in love, have children, grow old and die." "All the things you can't do any more." "It'll be like watching the world through a glass wall and eventually, it becomes unbearable." "Well, that's a cheery thought!" "Ah, but then..." "But then you'll find something else." "What?" "The next adventure." " What's that supposed to mean?" " That's strictly need-to-know." "Dismissed." "Good work." "Good work tonight." "Safe home, yeah?" "You look great, as usual." "See you next time." "OK." "OK." "Thanks for being here." "I'll see you next time." "I'll see you next time." "What a story!" "See you." "That was great." "I want this animal sent kicking and screaming to hell, and you're the man to do it." " I don't kill any more." " But you're a vampire." "Is that even possible?" " Hello, little lady." "You must be Molly." " You've got dog breath." "Single mother, penniless, lives with her mum." "I'm just gonna turn my back now for three seconds just to give you the opportunity to run for the hills." "I'm going to ask Sam and Molly to move in with me." " Two hours, but that's it." " Oh, look, he won't be a problem." " What is that?" " A baby." "It's one of mine." " How long have I been gone?" "!" " I signed on to this to study the genetics of evil." "Since when did assassinating vampires become part of the brief?"