"THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY" "Look!" "He's waking." " Page Dr. Cocheton." "Quickly." "Dr. Cocheton to room 119, please." "Mr. Bauby, open your eyes." "Open your eyes." "Mr. Bauby, open your eyes." "You've been asleep for a long time, you're waking up now." "Can you hear me?" "Yes, I'm hearing you." "What's happening?" "Jesus, a hospital." "Mr. Bauby, open your eyes wide." "Try to keep them open." "Yes, like that." "Follow this lamp with your eyes." "Alright." "Don't be alarmed." "You're in a hospital." "I'm a doctor." "My name's Cocheton." "These are nurses." "We're here to take care of you." "Do you remember what happened?" "Do you remember what happened?" "Just vague images" "You're in the Naval Hospital, Berck-sur-Mer." "On the coast." "At Calais." "You were treated first in Paris, and then brought here." "Do you remember that?" "Jean-Dominique." "You've had a stroke." "You've been in a coma for almost three weeks." "But now you're waking up and you'll be fine." "I promise you." "Thank you" " I have to give you some simple tests." "Keep your eyes on me." "Good." "Follow my finger." "Good." "When I say blink, please blink." "Excellent." "Now, tell me your name." "Jean-Dominique Bauby." " Come on, try" "I just did." " Try really hard, say your name." "Jean-Dominique Bauby." "Try saying your children's names." "Théophile, Céleste, Hortense." "Don't worry." "It's a slow process." "But your speech will come back." "What?" "Can't you hear me, doctor?" "Doctor?" "What's happening?" "I can't speak." "They can't hear me." "Oh my God." "I can't speak." "What's happened to me?" "My name is Jean-Dominique Bauby." "Doctor?" "All right, all right." "I've had a stroke my speech'll come back my memory will come back" "Everything will be alright, Mr. Bauby." "We are here to care for you." "I'll be patient." "Ok." "Ok, I believe you." "Who brought these flowers?" "Roses." "Inès." "Did you sleep well?" "Let's see." "You're going to have an important visitor." "Dr. Lepage, your neurologist." "So we want you at your very best." "Good morning." "I'm Alain Lepage, your neurologist." "You know Dr. Cocheton, of course." "Jean-Dominique..." "no, no, your friends call you Jean-Do." "So that's what I'm going to call you." "Think of me as your friend." "Sure Doctor." "As a friend I know how difficult this is for you." "Nobody here has explained to you the full extent of your condition." "You've had what we call a cerebrovascular accident." "It's put your brain stem out of action." "The brain stem is an essential component of our internal computer the link between the brain and the spinal cord." "In the past, we would have said you'd had a massive stroke." "You would very probably have died." "But now we have such improved resuscitation techniques that we're able to prolong life." "Is this life?" "Is this life?" " Yes, prolong life." "I'm not going to mince words, Jean-Do." "You are completely paralyzed." "You have realised you are unable to speak." "You have what we call 'locked-in syndrome'." "locked-in syndrome." " Locked-in syndrome." "It will be of no comfort to you but your condition is extremely rare." "And we simply don't know the cause." "You don't smoke and you're not a heavy drinker." "It just happened all of a sudden." "However, apart from being totally paralysed you are normal in every other respect." "Normal?" " There is hope." "Your brain is functioning." "You're able to understand us." "You follow our movements with your eyes." "Although I'm not entirely happy with your right eye." "This muscle doesn't work, see?" "The eye doesn't get moisturized." "I'm afraid we have to cover that." "Don't we?" " Cover?" "What does he want to cover?" " but I'll take a second guess on that." "We want you to take it easy for a few days." "What d'you think I'm doing now?" " and then two beautiful young women will visit you." "And when I say beautiful, I mean beautiful." " Fine." "They are great." "Outstanding therapists and miracle workers." "No miracles please." " And so, as I say, there's hope.." "That's what you all showed me." "You'll be well looked after, Jean-Do." "Really." "That's a good start." " You'll be well looked after." "Good morning." "Have I gone to heaven?" " I'm Henriëtte." "And I'm Marie." " You can blink your eyes, don't you?" "So, I want you to blink once for yes, twice for no." "Fine!" "Two beauties and I'm helpless." " Can you read that?" "Where?" "H. Durand, logopediste." " Can you see Durand?" "Good, Mr. Bauby." " Mrs. or Miss?" "I'm your physical therapist." "First you have to learn again to swallow." "So I'll be working on your tongue and lips." "Sounds fun." " And I'm your speech therapist." "Until you can actually speak again I have to find a way for you to communicate." "Your condition is extremely rare." " I know." "we're going to have to work very hard." " So we'd better get started." "Exactly." "I just came in to introduce myself." "See you." "See you." "I want you to know that this is perhaps the most important job I've ever been given." "and I'm determined to succeed." "With your help, of course." "I think you understand, but I will ask you some questions." "Ok?" "Remember, you answer by blinking once for yes or twice for no.." "Am I a man?" "Am I a woman?" "Is the sun too bright for you?" "Is it midnight now?" "What kinds of questions are this?" " Are we in Paris?" "Are we in Berck?" "Does wood float?" " I don't think so." "Do you remember having your stroke?" "Were you the editor of Elle magazine?" "Yes, I was the editor-in-chief of Elle." "To Alaïa." "Your right eye isn't working properly." "Can you hear me?" "Your right eye isn't working properly., I'm going to sew it up." "Sew it up?" " That happens an ulcerated cornea." "I've been skiing in St. Moritz." "It's wonderful there now." "I don't give a shit." "nothing like sailing down a slope with the wind in your face.." "Keep away from me" "Don't worry" " keep away from me" "You won't feel a thing." " Please." "No, please don't..." " You won't feel anything." "Just be quiet." "Don't" "I've done this dozens of times." "It will be fine." "Don't worry." "Almost done." "A few more pinpricks." "Perfect, even if I say so myself." "Done." "We're going to dress you to cheer you up a bit." "Afterwards we have a surprise." "We're going to try you in this wheelchair." "Ok." "Wheel him up and down, will you?" "These are my students." "Pay no attention to them." "I want to be sure that sitting like that won't trigger uncontrollable muscular spasms." "He needs a cushion behind his head" "Sorry we have to do this to you, Jean-Do." "Excellent." "Excellent." "You can handle the wheelchair." "You can handle the wheelchair." "What an honor." " That is good news." "And now for the surprise" "Oh my God, who's that?" "Me?" "I look as if I've emerged from a vat of formaldehyde." "Horrible." "Is that my surprise?" "To see myself?" "Céline." "How are you?" "Ok, let me explain that." "Isn't this a wonderful surprise, Jean-Do?" "Your first visitor is your wife." "No, she's the mother of my children." " He understands everything." "Everything." "If you ask a question, make it a yes-or-no question." "Ok?" "He'll blink." "One for yes, two for no." "Ok." "One more thing." "Stay in front of him when you talk to him." "Ok?" "If you stand here, he can't see you, and here neither." "Talk to him like this." "Right, Jean-Do?" "I'll leave you." "I'm sure you have a lot to say to each other..." "They tell me you're doing..." "Everyone sends their love." "And their prayers." "I didn't bring the children." "I thought I should see you first." "They're both well." "They miss you." "Celeste prays for you every night." "Do you want me to bring them?" "Don't you want to see them?" "Laurent wants to visit." "Do you want to see him?" "Him you want to see." "I'll tell him." "Has she been to see you?" "I've met the speech therapist." "I like her." "She thinks she can help you." "Please don't cry." "I know Berck station." "I can see her now." "It's the most depressing place in the world." "Well, it certainly was when I had my holidays here as a child." "Berck." "The end of summer." "Waiting with my father for the Paris train." "It was desolate then and it'll be more desolate now." "I treated her so badly." "And the children, too." "And now I will never be able to make amends." "Never." "Look at this." "As you can see, it's not the alphabet we learned at school." "These letters are presented in order of usage frequency." "Do you understand?" "E, S, A, R, I, N..." "Usage frequency?" "I've talked to a host of colleagues and I think I've come up with a viable system." "Good for you." " This is how it works." "You think of something to say." "When you're ready, blink." "I'll recite this alphabet, very slowly, letter by letter." "When I get to the first letter of your word, blink." "I'll write it down, letter for letter, and so on." "In that way we'll form words and sentences." "Two other things: blink twice when the word is formed." "As if you're hitting the space bar on a keyboard." "And blink rapidly if we make a mistake." "I know it sounds terribly arduous but, believe me, we'll become expert very quickly." "And your friends and family can use it, too." "Are you ready for this?" "Look at me." "Do you want to try?" "Have you thought of something you want to say?" "Good." "So, let's begin." " Wait, no..." "I don't know what to say." " E." "Is E the first letter?" " No." "E is not the first letter." " I don't know what to say." "It's difficult, I know, so let's go slowly." "E, S, A..." "That's too slow." "I can't keep my eyelids open that long." "Get cracking!" "I..." "I?" " Good." "Is I the first word?" "My first word is I. I begin with myself." "E, S..." "S?" "No." " No?" "Not S." " That was too fast." "It doesn't work." "This is a nightmare." "It'll never work." "Shall we go on?" "I've had enough." "Leave me alone." "Up, down, up." "Under my arms." "The back of my legs." "I'm forty-two years old and I'm being handled like a big baby." "my private parts wiped and swaddled." "That's ridiculous." "But as the poet says:" "only a fool laughs when there's nothing to laugh at." "Blow me a kiss." "Come on." "Try it." "Come on." "Try." "It's difficult." " No mirror." "But that's what I want you to work at." " Not that face." "When you're resting or watching TV, or any time at all," "I want you to work at blowing me a kiss." "Okay?" " Okay." "And one other thing you have to practise as much as possible." "And that's sliding your tongue to the back of your palate." "That's how you'll learn to swallow again." "Watch." "This just isn't fair." "Not fair." "You try it." " Put that mirror away." "Open your mouth." "Good." "Try sliding your tongue backwards." "I can't." " Try, go on." "I can't." "Good!" "You moved your tongue." "Don't make a fool of me." " Very good." "Again." "Unbelievable." "Good." " Yes, but true." "I'll help you to move your head on your own." "Like that." "You're doing it all." " Left." "Good." "Right." "Good." "Left again." "Can you feel my hands on your face?" "No." "Never mind, you will, you will." "We're all very sorry for what's happened to you." "I'm a regular reader of Elle." "I love it." "I just wish all the models didn't look like boys." "I don't think so." " They're getting thinner and thinner." "An odd fashion." "How beautiful she is." "I have a strong faith." "I pray for you every day." "He can only see with his right eye." "Look straight at him when you talk." "Who is that?" "Pierre Roussin." "Do you remember me?" " Of course." "He blinks once for yes...." " Damn, I didn't call him back." "Do you want me to leave?" " No, please not." "Why didn't I call him back?" "I heard what happened to you." "And I just wanted..." "I was compelled to come and see you because of what happened to me." "In a way, I know what you're going through" "Being taken hostage is not so different from what you're going through," "Am I right?" " Hostage?" "Jean-Dominique was kind enough to give me his seat on a flight" "The plane was high-jacked and I remained a hostage in Beirut for four years." "Four years, four months, two weeks, five days and seven hours." "They kept me in a cellar." "Very small." "Dark." "It was hard to breathe." "I called it my tomb." "I know, a lot about wines." " What happened to his hand?" "I used to recite aloud the wines of the Bordeaux classification of 1855." "Château Margaux, Margaux." "Château Lafite Rotschild, Pauillac." "That's what preserved my sanity." "Most times, I was in despair." "Suicidal." "Angry." "The beatings, the filth, the cruelty." "But the worst was the waiting." "I survived." "I survived, because I held fast to my own humanity." "That's all I could do because that's all I had, just like you." "Cling to your own humanity and you'll survive." "Humanity?" "Easy." " I just had to say that to you in person." "Why didn't I call him, when he was back from Beirut?" "I felt too guilty." "It's ridiculous..." " It's not." "I feel ashamed." "I?" "W?" "I want?" "What do you want, Mr. Bauby?" "D." "I." "E." "Die." "You want to die?" "How dare you!" "There are people who love you and care for you." "I hardly know you and yet I'm there for you." "And you're alive." "So, don't say you want to die." "It's offensive and obscene." "You want to continue?" "Alright." "I'll come back another time and see if you've changed your mind." "I'm sorry." "Why?" " I went too far." "Rest yourself." "Do you like it?" "I didn't really know what to bring." "Look, I also brought this." "One moment." " What are you doing?" "What is that?" "That's not true." "This makes me look like a rabbit." "I just read the letters and you blink, is that ok?" "Let it be." " Ok?" "S of A?" " As you want it." "A." " Good then A." "N?" "Good, N." "Anne." "You have to look at me, Laurent." "Shit, I forgot to look at you." "Sorry, I'll start again and slow down." "As you like it..." "Funny." "I've never been a good hospital visitor." "I'm the sort who brings food and then eats it." " That's not true." "Why did that have to happen to you?" "Everybody's talking about it." "I was in Cafe de Flore last night I heard someone say, 'Did you know that Jean-Do Bauby is now a complete vegetable?" "'" "Vegetable." " He can't see you." "Who said that?" "And what sort of vegetable?" "A carrot, a potato, a pickled cucumber?" "Today it seems to me that my whole life was nothing but a string of failures." "the women I was unable to love, the chances I failed to seize the moments of happiness I allowed to drift away..." "A race whose result you know beforehand but in which you fail to bet on the winner." "Have I been blind or stupid?" "Or does it take the harsh light of disaster to to show a person their true nature?" "I'm still here." "Would you like me to work with you today?" "Good." "We're going to master this." "Do you agree?" " Yes, mistress." "Ok." "I'll begin." "T?" "H?" "A?" "K?" "Thank you." "Thank you?" "Thank you." "May I call you Jean-Do?" " Women are not complicated." "Thank you, Jean-Do." "I?" "I have?" "I have decided not feel sorry for myself again." "Apart from my eyes, there two more things that aren't paralysed." "My imagination and my memory." "My imagination and my memory are the only way I can escape my diving bell." "I can imagine anything, anyone, anywhere" "I let the sea wash over me on the isle of Martinique." "Visit the women I love." "Bow before Ozym Andias, king of kings." "I can imagine anything." "As a child I dreamed of my abilities as an adult." "Now I want to remember myself as I was." "Handsome, debonair, glamorous." "And devilishly attractive" "Yes, glamorous and handsome, some people said." "That's not me, that's Marlon Brando." "That's me." "Is this Betty Mialet?" " Yes, this is she." "My name is Henriëtte Durand." "I'm a therapist at Berck-sur-Mer Naval Hospital." "I'm calling on behalf of one of my patients, Jean-Dominique Bauby." "Jean-Do?" "How is he?" "Comfortable but..." " I heard he's completely paralyzed." "That he can't communicate with anybody." " That's not absolutely accurate." "Come in." "He wants me to ask you for a favour." "Of course." "Can you wait a minute?" "Anything." "He says he has a contract with you for a book." "He said that?" "He can speak, I thought he couldn't speak." "He can." "In a way." "I'll explain later." "About this book..." " Yes, he's got a contract with us, but now, given the circumstances..." " He wants to fulfill it." "He wants to write the book." " You can't be serious?" "Let me assure you, he can." "but do you think you can find someone to take his dictation?" "Someone who's patient." "Somebody with a lot of time." "Someone special." "Yes, I understand." "I'll get back to you." "Betty Mialet said Claude Mendibil was sent from heaven." "She said no one could be more perfect for this." "Betty always exaggerates." "I will have to practise with Henriëtte." "Any time." "He wants to say something." "No?" "No panic." "Claude has taken a room in a hotel." "Perhaps you ought to discuss a routine." "The nurses wake me at five a.m. I'll think of what I want to write." "You can come at eight then I'll dictate it to you." "Good." "I'll do my best for you." " I know you will." "Can we begin tomorrow?" " Of course." "Through?" " Through the frayed curtain of my window a wan glow announces the break of day." "My heels hurt, my head weighs a ton my whole body is encased in a kind of diving suit." "My task now is to write the motionless travel notes from a castaway on the shores of loneliness." "This Naval Hospital has in its time been a home to children with tuberculosis" "In the hall, there's a white marble bust of Empress Eugénie, the wife of Napoleon III the hospital's patroness." "She came here regularly." "There was a fat farm, a school and a place where ...the great Diaghilev rehearsed his Ballet Russe.." "They say it was here that Nijinsky leapt twelve feet into the air." "No one here now leaps into the air." "These days they are all elderly, enfeebled or, like me, rigid and mute." "A battalion of cripples." "But I like being wheeled to the place I call Cinecitta." "A perpetually deserted terrace, a vast series of balconies that open onto a landscape heavy with the poetic and offbeat charm of a movie set." "A handful of buildings at the foot of the sand dunes give the illusion of a ghost town in a Western." "And I enjoy seeing the suburbs of Berck that look like a model train lay-out.." "The sea foams such an incandescent white that it might be the product of the special-effects department." "But my favorite sight of all is the lighthouse." "tall, robust, reassuring in red and white stripes.." "I place myself under the protection of this brotherly symbol guardian not just of sailors but of the sick whom fate has cast to the far edge of life." "The two highlights of this mini museum are a white marble bust which embodies the radiant youth ...of a princess who died with 94..." "Five hours of work." "Doesn't sound bad." "It's not Balzac." "Shall I continue?" " Read Balzac to me." "Or Graham Greene." "[Laurent reading Graham Greene's The Honorary Consul]" "I'm 45 divorced, and I want to speak the consul." "What's that?" " Is it a man or a woman?" "A man." "I think." " He winked at you." "Excuse me, but did you order a speaker phone?" "Did you order a phone?" "Let's get out of here." "Who let you in?" "What are you doing?" "We're from Telecom France." "You should have gone to Reception first." " There was no one there." "Just install it by the table, please, thank you." "Be careful, please." "We'll let people know you've got a phone now." "They'll have to book a time for their calls." "We'll make sure someone's with you." "Excuse me, madame, can't he speak?" " Don't talk about him as if he weren't here." "Ask him." "Madame, excuse me, but, if he can't speak what's he want a phone for?" "Perhaps he's a heavy breather." "You think you're funny?" "How dare you!" "You miss a sense of humor, Henriëtte." "And three." "Calm, four." "A very black fly settles on my nose." "I waggle my head to unseat him." "He digs in.." "Olympic wrestling is child's play compared to this." "You moved your head." "When did you start doing that?" "Thank you." "Just now?" "A miracle!" "You can turn your head!" "Marie sees miracles everywhere." " Dr. Lepage, he moved his head." "Good morning." " A miracle!" "He only said good morning once!" "Progress, progress." " That's better." "How's the tongue?" " I'll open your mouth." "The tongue moves" "Then we can go further with his speech." " The movement of the tongue is crucial so there's hope." "Great, that's awesome." "We're going to work really hard, soon you'll be able to eat normally." "A text is only real when it's read." "I shaved my father when I visited him the last time before my accident." "He was unwell and I stayed overnight in his apartment in Paris." "The next morning I shaved his stubble." "Who can see if I'm shaven?" " Me." "I'm terrified." " Of what?" "You shaving me." "You were always so damned clumsy." " That runs in the family." "Sure." "Coffee?" " No." "Don't tire him." "He's not well." " How can a shave tire him?" "Your mother was prettier." " That wouldn't be difficult." "Do you remember your mother?" " Oh yeah." "You always ask me that and I always say the same thing: not really." "What are you reading at the moment?" " Re-reading." "The Count of Monte Cristo." "Why?" " Because I'm thinking of writing a modern version." "Of the Count of Monte Cristo?" " Yes." "Vengeance will still be the driving force but I'm setting it in today's world." "And Monte Cristo will be a woman." "The Countess of Monte Cristo..?" " Yes, a woman." "I don't want to read it." " I haven't written it yet." "But I've got a contract with a book publisher." "If you cut me, I'll sue." "The doctor came yesterday." " And?" "He says I'll live to be a hundred." " Good." "I'll give you a great party." "I won't attend." "Who wants to live to be a hundred?" "Jean-Do, don't tell a soul." "I still miss your mother." "I won't." "It's our secret." "You should have married Céline." " What difference would that have made?" "You wouldn't have left her so easily." "And your children." "Do we have to talk about this?" " I know what I'm talking about." "No one had more affairs than I did." "Well, maybe Casanova, but no one else." "Having an affair with another woman is no reason for leaving the mother of your children." "There are no standards anymore." "It's not funny, it's true." "And bring your children to see me." "Sylvie brings them, too." "You should bring them as well." " Ok, I haven't found time yet." "Here." " What is that?" "Orange blossom." " Do I have to smell like a tart?" "It's an aphrodisiac." "Good." "That'll make the girls come running." " Sure, but give them a chance to smell you." "Let me look at myself." "Not bad." "My God, they don't make them like me anymore." "I wanted to tell you something." "Can't remember." " It'll come back." "I'm not so sure." "I remember less and less." " Don't exaggerate." "Oh yes, I remember." "I'm very proud of you." "I really am." "And something else..." "Can't remember." "A father's approval." "I found it comforting then and I find it even more comforting now." "We are all children." "We all need approval." "I want to see my children." "I want to see my children." "Here we are." "Father's Day." "Happy Father's Day!" "I guess that even a rough sketch, a shadow, a tiny fragment of a dad is still a dad." "Father's Day." "My son wiping the saliva that escapes my closed lips." "We have never before fitted this made-up holiday into our emotional calendar." "[singing]" "Claude says the book's going well." "I can't believe you're writing it." "I still think you're the most surprising man I've ever known." "Have you had lots of visitors?" "Laurent, Anne-Marie Michel..." "Father's Day." "My son wiping the saliva that escapes my closed lips." "We have never before fitted this made-up holiday into our emotional calendar." "[singing]" "Claude says the book's going well." "I can't believe you're writing it." "I still think you're the most surprising man I've ever known." "Have you had lots of visitors?" "Laurent, Anne-Marie Michel..." "That's it?" "She hasn't?" "I thought she was supposed to be madly in love with you." "Well, that's her business." "Shall we practice that alphabet?" "When I began a diet a week before my stroke ...I never dreamed of such dramatic results." "Now they know what it's like to have a zombie for a father." "Thank you." "That's not amusing." "Kids." "You want to play Hangman, dad?" "I'll help you." "Whisper a word." "The first letter is a C, the last an E. The word has 7 letters." "# Le kangourou a sauté le mur #" "# Le mur du zoo #" "# Mon Dieu qu'il était haut #" "# Mon Dieu qu'il était beau. #" "That's it." " Say goodbye to your dad, kids." "We're leaving." "Bye, dad." "Bye, dad." "Bye dad." "See you next week." "It's hard to describe my grief." "I'm their father, but I can't touch them, run my fingers through their hair and hug them tight." "But I like to see them play and laugh." "That's what I call a wonderful day.." "I feel sorry for myself, don't you think?" "You were genuinely happy." "You think so?" "Perhaps." "I don't want to miss this." "Step aside!" "Enjoy." "See you." " Yeah, see you." "What are you doing?" "I want TV-meals." "Or shall I go out for dinner?" "I will treat myself to a feast at Le Duc." "What a coincidence to find you here." " Isn't that amazing?" "An oyster?" "It seems like it was just yesterday when I first heard your name." "Sweet." "No compliments." "And the next chapter?" "Sunday." "I dread Sunday." "When they turn the TV on, they have to make sure they're doing it right." "That is very strategic." "It can take hours until the next good Samaritan comes by." "Horrible, these Sundays." "No speech therapists, no psychotherapist." "No physiotherapist, no visitors." "A skeleton staff." "Sunday is a long stretch of desert." "But today, Marie nobly suggests she takes me to mass." "I have tried to explain to her that I am not a religious man, but without avail." "All over the world people are praying for me." "Top of the list is my daughter, Céleste." "And Marie, of course." "The most diverse deities have been enlisted to help me." "In Nepal, I'm told, they chant a mantra for me." "In Cameroon holy man has procured for me the goodwill of Africa's gods." "I have assigned him my right eye." "I can't deny that I have attempted to organise this vast spiritual energy to support my existence." "It may not be admirable, it may even be a touch hypocritical, but I'll try anything." "I'm very pleased to see you here." "I came to visit you a few days ago." "I brought the Blessed Sacrament to give you Communion." "But you were asleep." "Yes, he was asleep." " What?" "Would you like me to give you Holy Communion now?" " No." "Yes." " Would you like me to say a blessing over you?" "No." " Yes." "Heavenly Father, have mercy on Jean-Dominique, who is cruelly afflicted." "Help his body to heal, keep his spirits buoyant, and help him to find faith." " My spirit is very buoyant, mister." "In the name of the father..." " You made a fool of me." "Fa?" "Father?" "There are..." "Father, there are monks in Bordeaux who regularly dedicate their prayers to me." "...who regularly dedicate their prayers to me." "Do they, that's good." " But the results have been unremarkable." "We must be patient." " Yes, the doctors say that, too." "But Jean-Dominque, I want to suggest something to you" "In a few weeks time, I shall be leading a pilgrimage to Lourdes." "Lourdes?" "Dear Beatrice and I thought you might want to be part of it." "This is a trap." " There have been some miraculous cures." "That's true." " I've been to Lourdes." "Let's stop and return." " I am not turning back." "Hit's my car, I'll drive where I like." "You said you wanted a dirty weekend." " I never said that." "Yes you did." "Lourdes is not the right place for a dirty week-end." "You've got a one-track mind." "I want to see the Madonna." "I don't believe in any of this." " I want to see her and drink holy water." "Spare me this." "You should do that too." "It will be good for you." "Imposing, hm?" "I'll buy some bottles for the holy water." "That's it for me." "I'm leaving." " Stay." "It could do you a lot of good." "Don't be so sure, it might be dangerous." "What if someone in perfect health happened to be here when the Madonna appeared?" "One miracle, and he'd end up paralyzed." "You are terrible." "Hello." " Good day, madam." "Look!" "Here's my Madonna!" "Forget it." " Yeah, get out of my life." "Okay, I'll give it to you as a present" "Madame has a wonderful eye." "This Madonna been blessed by the Cardinal." "Do we have more 318's?" " Look in the storage." "How much is that?" "1899 franc." "Don't we know each other?" " I don't think so, Mister." "I don't have change." "I can't make love to you with her looking at me." " I understand." "I wasn't stating a fact, I was making a complaint." "Let me turn her off" "No." "The only one in the whole world." "Blessed by the Cardinal." "Josephine, when we get back to Paris we're going to have to split up." "Because of her?" " No." "Because of everything." "Ok, you're right." "I'll go out again." " Turn off the lights." "But not my Madonna." "La - la - la -." "Come on, Jean-Do." "If you learn the L sound you'll learn to swallow." "And you'll learn to say Lourdes." "Is that okay?" "Is it comfortable?" "'The Pressure Cooker' could be the title of the piece I'm writing about my experiences here." "I could also call it 'The Eye' or 'The Diving Bell'." "Plot and location are well known." "In a hospital room, there's Mr. L, at the climax of his life trying to live with locked-in syndrome after a serious stroke." "Ambitious and somewhat cynical, because he didn't know failures before becomes acquainted with misfortune." "We his slow transformation listening to a commentarial voice which tells the inner monologue of Mr. L." "I already have the last scene." "It's night." "Mr. L, who was paralysed since the beginning of the piece suddenly jumps out of his bed and runs over the darkly lit stage." "Then it gets dark again and we hear Mr. L's commentarial voice:" "Fuck, it was a dream." "Stand up." "I can stand up." "Everything is alright." "'I want to remember how all this happened to me.'" "Shall I ask someone?" "No?" "Hello, room 119." " Who's that?" "I'm Claude Mendibil." "I'm sitting with Jean-Do." "This is his father speaking." " Yes, we were expecting your call." "So what do I do?" "Just talk?" "Jean-Do can hear you." "He will answer you." "You'll hear me saying the alphabet and..." " Yes, Céline told me." "Just talk, Monsieur Bauby." "Can he hear me?" "Jean-Dominique?" "This is Papinou." "I'm sitting at the open window." "How are you or is that a fool question?" "Yes, it's a fool question." "I miss you." "I miss you, too." "God Almighty!" "This is an impossible way to conduct a conversation." "Everything goes out of my mind." "No, no, I've remembered." "I'm sending you a present." "It's a surprise." "I had a thought.... ...about us." "We're in the same boat." "I'm stuck in this apartment." "I can't get up and down the stairs." "You try four flights of stairs when you're ninety-two years old." "we're both locked-in cases." "You in your body and me in my apartment." "Jean-Dominique, remember, in the top right-hand drawer of my writing desk there's a letter.." "In it are my last wishes." "It's in a file marked 'Miscellaneous'." "I must stop now." "Don't cry." " That's easy to say." "You're my son for Christ's sake." "Good-bye, Jean-Dominique." "I forgot, it's almost your birthday." "I'll call again." "Happy Birthday." "It can't be easy for a father to speak to a son who he knows will never reply." "I thought an outing with a new vista would do you good." "I have another surprise for you." "Close your eyes." "Close your eyes." "Okay, now open them." "THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO" "That was not necessary." "In two volumes." "It's not a first edition, but it's pretty old." "Would you like me to read something to you?" "Which chapter?" "We should use Roman digits." "We didn't think of Roman digits." "What would it be in Roman digits?" "That's L, I, X." "That's faster." "Next time." "50?" "Higher?" " Yes, higher." "Nine?" "59?" "Ok." "Ok, there we go." "There's even an illustration." "The coincidence frightens me." "'They sat down beside him.'" "'Noirtier was sitting in a wheelchair where they put him from morning till evening in front of a mirror which allowed him to see the whole apartment... without attempting any movement:" "this was something that had become impossible for him." "Sight and hearing were the only two senses which, like two sparks, still lit up this human matter.' '...this human matter.'" "That's me, don't you think?" "But no." " But yes." "I frighten people, make them shudder." "You don't." " I should have stayed away from Dumas." "Don't tamper with a masterpiece." "That's the lesson." "I didn't know Noirtier was the man I was going to become." "My diving bell has dragged you down to the bottom of the sea with me.." "Jean-Do, I don't find it so bad that you drag me down to the bottom of the sea because you are also my butterfly." "That's a declaration of love." "After we finish this book we'll write another one about a long-distance runner." "You never know." "Perhaps I'll become like him..." "'I missed you at the bullfight." "I hope we meet again next year." "Jean-Paul.'" "Le Tango, Nîmes." "'Dear Mr. Bauby, the customized campmobile can be delivered six to eight weeks after your order." "Yours sincerely, Henri Raynaud.' That's good news." "This is from Papinou." "'This is a present.'" "Look, a photo of you as a kid." "Jean-Do, aged eight, Berck sur Mer." "From Anne-Marie." "Jean-Dominique Bauby's room." " Who are you?" "Céline Desmoulins." "And you?" "Inès." "I want to speak with Jean-Do." "One moment." "I turned the speaker on, so he can hear you." "I can't speak with you there." "You have to, there's no one else." "Isn't the therapist there?" " No, she's not here today." "Darling?" "I know I said I'd come but I got as far as the train station and then turned back." "I just can't." "Please forgive me." "Céline?" " Yes." "Can't you just go out for a moment?" "I have personal things to say." "I feel embarrassed." " I can't leave him." "There's nobody else." "Wait, he wants to say something." "O?" "One?" "One minute?" "I'm leaving." "But not for long." "Jean-Do, are you alone now?" "Darling..." "I love you more than ever." "I want to see you but I haven't the courage." "I want to think of you as you were." "I hope you'll recover." "I miss you." "I miss you and I feel so alone." "I know you understand." "You're in my thoughts all the time." "I know your family is always with you." "Do you want me to come?" "I'm back." " Do you want me to come?" "Do you want me to come?" " I'm back, Inès." "Every..." "Every day." "Every day I'm..." "Every day I'm waiting for you." "I can't understand you." "Could you repeat that?" "I can't understand you." "He said:" "I'm waiting for you every day." "If I don't get a seat on this plane, I will miss my connection to Hong" " Kong." "Take mine." "I'll take the next flight." " Thank you." "Have a good trip." "But you're not going to Hong Kong you are going to Beirut." "Anything wrong?" "You don't feel good?" "Don't worry." "Most times I forget my dreams." "People who tell you their dreams are tiresome." "But this one comes again and again." "I don't know why." "I'm afraid." "The feeling of doom wouldn't leave." "It took what I can only describe as a miracle to lift my spirits." "It's dangerous to believe in personal miracles." "They tend to make one feel self-important." "Nevertheless, I must report that I believe something miraculous did occur" "I began to sing." "I grunt, I sing." "My hearing isn't great and sometimes I think I hear my heart beating." "But I tell myself it's the sound of butterfly's wings." "Yes, I am making indomitable progress and I may even have butterfly hearing." "I can look forward to the future." "Soon the summer will come to an end and I will begin my first autumn in this hospital." "My life is here." "An everlasting repetition." "Here." "How goes it?" "He's speaking!" "You're speaking." " He can sing a song, too." "Come on, sing for Laurent." " Please, for me." "# Le kangourou a sauté le mur Le mur du zoo #" "# Mon Dieu qu'il était haut Mon Dieu qu'il était beau #" "Are you ok?" "Does he sing?" " No, he doesn't." "I have pneumonia." "Just when I thought..." "Like a sailor who watches the shore gradually disappear." "I watch my past recede." "Becoming ashes of oblivion." "What a comeback." "That's where I worked." "And that couple, I know them, but I can't remember their names." "That's my car!" "My new car." "Where is the horn?" "Let me hug you." " See my car?" "Lovely." "Everything ok, Théo?" "Had a good week?" "Are we going to a theatre?" " To a theatre?" "If you want to." "Can we have oysters?" " Do you like oysters now?" "Don't bring him back too late." "We are leaving." "Can I get in the front?" " Sure, there's no room in the back." "Soon I will take you too." "A little bit of wind?" "Your team ok?" " Yeah, the players are ok." "You take a shower afterwards?" " We shower and wash our stuff." "Got pubic hair around your willy?" " No, not yet." "We had one guy who didn't want to undress for the shower." "The club said he had to." "There was a fight." "He didn't do it." "His mother appeased him." "In the end, he had to leave the team." "You don't have that problem, do you?" "Other news?" "Everything ok with mom?" " Yeah, she's ok." "You know this way?" " Yes, it's the way to Aunt Diane." "It's hot." "You feel that, too?" "No, I don't." "We have..." "We have..." "It might start to rain." "I'll stop for a moment." "Dad, what's the matter?" "Phone your mother!" "My last thought was we'll have to cancel going to the theatre." "We'd be late in any case." "We'll go tomorrow night." "And then I sank into a coma." "Is it a book?" "For Théophile, Céleste and Hortense." "I wish them lots of butterflies." "And my deepest gratitude to Claude Mendibil." "You'll understand that without her this book couldn't have been written." "I was here the whole time." "You know that." "These reviews are terrific!" "You want to hear them?" "The man who dictates in silence." "Without gestures or speech." "Jean-Dominque Bauby communicates with an eyelid and writes this book." "A touching visit at the wreckage of abandonment." "By Bernard Chapuis." "'A touching book.'" "Jean-Dominique Bauby, 43 ans, journaliste réputé, père de famille, homme libre projetait d'écrire un roman sur la vengeance au féminin" "Jean-Dominique Bauby died on March 9, 1997 10 days after the publication of 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly'." "Dutch Version ripped by MrBliss" "Couldn't find English subs, so I created them myself using an English version of the script and several online dictionaries" "But as a German, I'm no English native speaker so please excuse any misspellings or other flaws." "Hope you enjoyed as much as I did." "Edited by LeapinLar"