"( tires screech )" "( horse whinnies )" "WHAT'S A MATTER WITH YOU GUYS?" "NUTS OR SOMETHING?" "CAN'T YOU MOTION PICTURE PEOPLE STAY ON YOUR OWN SETS?" " THIS IS A PUBLIC HIGHWAY." " ( gunshot )" "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?" "EVERYBODY LINE UP." "ONE OF YOU IS SECRET AGENT OF CONTROL." "THAT IS MAN WE WANT." "ALL OTHERS WE WILL KILL." "WILL CONTROL AGENT TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD?" "THAT IS MAN WE WANT." "TAKE HIM." "( whinnies )" "CONTROL AGENT WOULD NOT REVEAL IDENTITY EVEN ON THREAT OF DEATH." "EVERYBODY ELSE BACK IN BUS." "WE HAVE MESSAGE FOR YOU TO TAKE TO YOUR LEADERS." "YOU COULDN'T HAVE JUST HANDED IT TO ME?" "YOU WILL TAKE IT TO YOUR GOVERNMENT AT ONCE." " HYAH!" " ( whooping )" " WHAT'S IT SAY?" " TOP SECRET." "HOW FAR TO A TELEPHONE?" "TWO, MAYBE THREE HOURS." "OKAY, LET'S GO." "THIS IS AGENT 43." "I'M IN ARIZONA." "My tri-state bus was just attacked by a band of Indians." "YOUR BUS WAS ATTACKED BY INDIANS?" "Yes, Indians." "ARE YOU SURE?" "WHAT DID THEY LOOK LIKE?" "THEY WORE FEATHERS, WAR PAINT AND CARRIED BOWS AND ARROWS." "YES, THOSE WERE INDIANS." "INDIAN UPRISING IN THE 20th CENTURY?" "IT'S TRUE." "I WAS JUST STARTING MY THREE-WEEK VACATION" "WHEN MY BUS WAS ATTACKED BY FOUR INDIANS ON HORSEBACK." "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT." "I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT." "You can't believe what?" "YOU'VE GOT A THREE-WEEKS VACATION?" "THEY GAVE ME THIS MESSAGE:" ""INFORM YOUR GOVERNMENT THAT THEY HAVE 48 HOURS" "TO TURN OVER ALL LANDS APPROPRIATED FROM OUR PEOPLE" "OTHERWISE, WAR."" " WAR?" " That's what it says." "HANG ON, 43." "THIS IS A MAXIMUM ALERT." "REPEAT, THIS IS A MAXIMUM ALERT." "FORSYTH, WAKE UP THE CHIEF AND TELL HIM IT'S AN EMERGENCY." "HARRISON, CALL THE PENTAGON AND ALERT THE CHIEFS OF STAFF." "SAUNDERS, CANCEL ALL MILITARY LEAVES AND HOLD INTERSTATE COMMERCE." "AND, OH, SAUNDERS, JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME," "HOW MANY WEEKS VACATION DID YOU GET LAST YEAR?" "THREE?" "( theme music playing )" " WHAT IS IT, 86?" " A MAXIMUM MOBILIZATION ALERT, CHIEF." "THREAT OF WAR BY A KNOWN AGGRESSOR." "WAR?" "GOOD HEAVENS, IS IT THE CHINESE?" "THE RUSSIANS?" " WELL THEN WHO?" " THE INDIANS." "INDIANS?" "BUT INDIA IS A NEUTRALIST NATION." "NO, NOT THOSE INDIANS, CHIEF." "THE AMERICAN INDIANS." "THE AMERICAN INDIANS?" "( whoops )" " THOSE INDIANS?" " YES, SIR." "FOUR OF THEM, THEY ATTACKED A BUS." "MAX, YOU DON'T MEAN" "YOU COULDN'T" "YOU WOULDN'T CALL UP" "SAY YOU DIDN'T, MAX." "YOU DID." "MAX, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE ON THE STRENGTH OF A MINOR INCIDENT?" "YOU WOKE UP THE THREE HIGHEST RANKING OFFICERS IN THE U.S. MILITARY." "YOU'VE GOT HUNDREDS OF PLANES FLYING IN THE AIR." "YOU'VE CANCELED THOUSANDS OF LEAVES." "THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE DONE, MAX." "JUST WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT, CHIEF?" "I CAN'T BELIEVE..." "THAT YOU WOULD SUMMON THE CHIEFS OF STAFF" "AT THIS AWFUL HOUR" "SIMPLY BECAUSE THREE INDIANS ATTACKED A BUS." "FOUR, CHIEF." "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT TIME IT IS?" "IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING." "4:00, CHIEF." " WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?" " NOBODY TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT IT." " SORRY ABOUT THIS, GENTLEMEN." " MY TROOPS ARE AT MAXIMUM ALERT." "60% OF MY BOMBERS ARE ALREADY IN THE AIR." "I'VE RECALLED THE THIRD AND SEVENTH FLEETS." "WELL, IT'S REALLY NOTHING." "All:" "NOTHING!" "YOU TELL 'EM, 86." "UH, VERY WELL." "GENTLEMAN, FIRST OF ALL" "JUST A MINUTE, SOMEONE SEEMS TO BE MISSING." "WHERE IS THE MARINE CORPS COMMANDANT?" "HE'S ON VACATION FOR THREE WEEKS." "THREE WEEKS?" "GET ON WITH IT, 86." "RIGHT, CHIEF." "WE HAVE RECEIVED AN ULTIMATUM" "DEMANDING THE SURRENDER OF THE UNITED STATES WITHIN 48 HOURS" "OR A STATE OF WAR WILL EXIST." " WHAT?" " AN ULTIMATUM FROM WHOM?" " THE INDIANS." " BUT INDIA IS A NEUTRALIST NATION." "( whoops )" "THOSE INDIANS?" "I CAN'T BELIEVE ANY LITTLE INDIAN BAND" "IS GOING TO DEFEAT THE UNITED STATES ARMY." "I AGREE WITH YOU, GENERAL CUSTER." "DOESN'T PROVE A GREAT MILITARY THREAT," "BUT ONE DISSIDENT GROUP COULD TRIGGER" "MORE WIDESPREAD INSURRECTIONS." " CHIEF." " HMM." "CUSTER IS A GOOD MAN," "BUT I THINK FOR THIS EMERGENCY" "PERHAPS HE SHOULD BE RELIEVED OF HIS COMMAND." "MIGHT MAKE THE PUBLIC FEEL INSECURE," "HIM STILL RUNNING THE SHOW." "JUST WHAT INDIANS ARE THESE?" "APPARENTLY, GENERAL, IT'S A DISSIDENT GROUP CALLED THE RED FEATHERS" "ON A REMOTE RESERVATION IN ARIZONA." "GIVE ME TWO SQUADRONS OF BOMBERS," "TWO 1,000-LB." "BOMBS," "ROUND-THE-CLOCK SATURATION BOMBING OF ARIZONA." "FRED, YOU CAN'T BOMB ARIZONA." "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" "MY BOMBERS CAN HIT ANYPLACE ON THE FACE OF THIS GLOBE." "BUT ARIZONA IS PART OF THE UNITED STATES." "( stammers )" "A LITTLE LOW-LEVEL STRAFING PERHAPS, HUH?" "SORRY, FRED." "Custer:" "EXACTLY WHAT DO THESE INDIANS WHAT?" "THE DEMAND THE RETURN OF ALL THE TERRITORY WE TOOK FROM THEM." "WELL, GIVE IT TO THEM." "BUT, HARRY, IT'S ALL THEIRS." "THE WHOLE COUNTRY." " EVERYTHING?" " EVERYTHING." "WAIT A MINUTE." "WAIT A MINUTE NOW." "MAYBE WE CAN MAKE A DEAL." "THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO ACCEPT LESS" "SAY, NEW JERSEY?" "WOULD YOU?" "WHAT PLANS DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE" "AGAINST INDIAN ATTACK?" " WELL..." " ( clears throat )" " GO AHEAD, MAX." " THANK YOU, CHIEF." "GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE SEATED." "ALL RIGHT." "NOW I'VE DONE A LITTLE RESEARCH ON THIS SUBJECT," "AND I HAPPEN TO HAVE HERE A DETAILED MILITARY MANUAL" "THAT SUMS EVERYTHING UP VERY NICELY." ""INDIAN ATTACK." ( clears throat )" ""AN INDIAN ATTACK IS A GROUP OF INDIANS ATTACKING," "AS IN THE SENTENCE," "'INDIANS ARE ATTACKING THE TOWN.'"" "Chief:" "FINE MAX." "WHAT ABOUT STRATEGY?" "STRATEGY, YES, SIR." "I THINK YOU'LL FIND THIS VERY INTERESTING, GENTLEMEN." "IF ATTACKED BY INDIANS IN OPEN COUNTRY" "MILITARY OR CIVILIAN PERSONNEL" "SHOULD FORM THEIR WAGONS IN A CIRCLE." "WHAT WE NEED IS A REALISTIC APPRAISAL OF THEIR STRENGTH." "WHAT WE NEED IS ONE GOOD INTELLIGENCE AGENT" "TO INFILTRATE, FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE UP TO." "YOU KNOW, I THINK WE'VE GOT THE MAN RIGHT HERE." "HE'S OBVIOUSLY RESEARCHED THE INDIANS THOROUGHLY" "AND KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT." "HOW ABOUT IT, CHIEF?" "ALL RIGHT, MAX, IT'S YOUR BABY." "I WANT YOU ON YOUR WAY TO ARIZONA AT ONCE." "RIGHT, CHIEF, ARIZONA." "I'LL BE ON THAT RESERVATION IN ARIZONA" " ARIZONA?" " UM-HUH." "IS THE SATURATION BOMBING DEFINITELY OFF, CHIEF?" "( phone ringing )" "THIS IS CONTROL." "YES, SIR." "NO, SIR, IT'S JUST A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH SOME INDIANS." "NO, SIR." "( whoops )" "WELL, WE HAVE THE OPTION OF EITHER ATTACKING IN FORCE" "OR GATHERING MORE INTELLIGENCE." "YOU CAN GO BACK TO SLEEP." "YOU CAN'T?" "WELL, SIR," "HAVE YOU TRIED A CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE?" "IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, TRY A GLASS OF WARM MILK." "YES, SIR." "JUST A MINUTE." "HE WANTS YOUR APPRAISAL." "I THINK WE SHOULD ACQUIRE MORE INTELLIGENCE." "NO, HE MEANS HOT CHOCOLATE OR WARM MILK?" "( all arguing )" " 43?" " 86?" "99, 43." " 43." " 99." "CAREFUL, THEY'RE FROM RENT-A-HORSE." "DO YOU HAVE A PLAN, 86?" "YES, MY FIRST PLAN IS TO GET MY FOOT OUT OF THIS STIRRUP." "DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER PLAN?" "SHH." "OKAY, I DON'T THINK ANYBODY CAN HEAR US NOW." "I'VE GOT TO GET ON THAT RESERVATION," "GET INSIDE AND FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON." "HAVE YOU LEARNED ANYTHING NEW, 43?" "THE RED FEATHERS ARE ARMING TO FIGHT." "THEY'VE SUMMONED THE LEADERS OF OTHER TRIBES." "THEY'RE CONCEALING A POWERFUL WEAPON IN THEIR MAIN TENT." "I'VE GOT TO GET INSIDE THAT TENT," "TAKE SOME PICTURES WITH MY MICRO-CAMERA AND GET OUT." "THOSE FELLAS ARE ARMED." "HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET THROUGH" "THEIR LINES IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?" "AND I'M NOT SURE 43." "I'D BETTER CHECK MY EQUIPMENT." "BEADS... $24 IN CASH." "YOU'D THINK THEY WOULD HAVE WISED UP BY NOW." "WELL, AT LEAST THEY GAVE ME MY ELECTRIC SNAKE." "AN ELECTRIC SNAKE?" "YES, VERY VERY GOOD FOR CREATING A DIVERSION." " WHAT DOES IT RUN ON?" " TINY LITTLE FEET." " WHERE DOES IT GET ITS POWER?" " TRANSISTORS." "WHAT ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS?" "OH, WE HAVE TINY LITTLE MINIATURE RADIO RECEIVERS" "THAT CAN BE HIDDEN ANYWHERE." "OH, AND THIS..." "IS A SADDLE TRANSMITTER." "WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT THERE, 99?" "OH, THIS." "WHAT'S THAT?" "IT'S A BOOK ON INDIAN LORE." "HERE, YOU'D BETTER TAKE THIS, 99, AND SEE IF YOU CAN LEARN ANYTHING." "RIGHT." "NOW, LET'S SEE." "EXACTLY WHERE IS THAT INDIAN RESERVATION?" "RIGHT OVER THERE, ABOUT TWO MILES." "( drums beating )" "INDIAN DRUMS." "CAN YOU TELL WHAT THEY'RE SAYING, MAX?" "I'M NOT SURE, BUT WHOEVER IT IS," "HE'S GOT A GREAT LEFT HAND." "OH, I WISH WE KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THERE." "LET THE DRUMS BE SILENT." "( drumming stops )" "RED CLOUD, WHY HAVE YOU GATHERED US HERE?" "I HAVE ISSUED AN ULTIMATUM." "IF IT IS NOT ANSWERED WITHIN 48 HOURS" "A STATE OF WAR WILL EXIST." " Both:" "WAR?" " IS IT THE CHINESE?" " NO." " THE RUSSIANS?" " NO." " WHO THEN?" "THE UNITED STATES." "THE UNITED STATES IS A NEUTRALIST NATION." "THEY HAVE TAKEN OUR LAND." "THEY MUST GIVE IT BACK." "RED CLOUD, THIS IS BAD MEDICINE." "THE UNITED STATES HAS THREE MILLION SOLDIERS," "WE HAVE BUT 200 BRAVES." "WE MUST DEPEND HEAVILY ON THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE." "NOW, OUR ONE BIG ADVANTAGE" "IS THAT NOBODY KNOWS WE'RE HERE." " ( gunshot ) - ( 99 gasps )" "CANCEL ONE ADVANTAGE." "DON'T WORRY." "I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE INDIANS." "HOW!" "GET OFF YOUR HORSE." "YOU, COME OVER HERE." "HURRY." "YOU ARE TRESPASSING ON INDIAN TERRITORY." "FOR THAT YOU MUST PAY." "RED CLOUD WILL DECIDE THE PENALTY." "ARE YOU ONE OF RED CLOUD'S MEN?" "NO, I AM FROM ANOTHER TRIBE." "BUT I AM ON MY WAY" "TO THE RED FEATHERS' CAMP TO TAKE PART IN A CEREMONY." "99, HE MUST BE GOING TO THE WAR COUNCIL." "WE CAN'T LET HIM GO OR HE'LL GIVE US AWAY." " COME." "WE GO TO RED CLOUD." " STAND BACK, 99." "DON'T MAKE ANY MOVES YOU'LL BE SORRY FOR, MY FRIEND." "YOU SEE, I HAPPEN TO BE GREASED LIGHTNING WITH THESE." "AND I AM ALSO PRETTY FAST WITH THESE TOO." "COME, WE GO TO RED CLOUD." "MAX, WHAT ABOUT PLAN 26-E?" "26-E, PERFECT." "99, WHAT IS PLAN 26-E?" "YES, WHAT IS PLAN 26-E?" "UH, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW HIM, 99?" "OH, ALL RIGHT, 86." " IT'S THIS!" " ( groans )" " QUICK THINKING, 86!" " GOOD WORK!" " YES, I'VE ALWAYS LOVED PLAN 26-E." " SO HAVE I." "NOT ME." "HERE'S MY PLAN, 43." "I'M GOING TO CHANGE CLOTHES WITH THIS INDIAN." "THAT WILL GIVE ME A COVER TO GET ONTO THE RESERVATION." " AN EXCELLENT PLAN." " THANK YOU." "NOW IF ONE OF YOU WILL HELP ME GET HIS CLOTHES OFF," "THE OTHER CAN TURN THEIR BACK." "99..." "I THINK IT WILL WORK A LOT BETTER THE OTHER WAY AROUND." "COME IN, 99." "CAN YOU HEAR ME?" "PERFECTLY." "MAX, PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANY UNNECESSARY CHANCES." "I WON'T." "I THINK THIS HEADGEAR" "WILL GET ME THROUGH THE INDIAN LINES." "ONCE INSIDE, ALL I WANT TO DO IS" "STAY IN THE BACKGROUND AND REMAIN INCONSPICUOUS." "OH, I HOPE AGENT 43 IS WATCHING THAT INDIAN CAREFULLY." "DON'T WORRY, 99." "43 IS A GOOD MAN." "YOU'RE WORTH TWO 43s, 86." "COME ON." "YOU MUST LET ME GO." "RELAX, YOU AREN'T GOING TO ANY WAR COUNCIL TONIGHT." "WAR COUNCIL?" "I AM BETROTHED TO RED CLOUD'S DAUGHTER." "I GO TO MY WEDDING." "LOOK, RED CLOUD." "AH, THE TAPAWASSI!" "AH, THE TAPAWASSI!" "AH YES, THE TAPAWASSI." "WHERE?" "YOU, TAPAWASSI." "OH, YES, OF COURSE." "I AM THE TAPAWASSI." "FINE TAPAWASSI." "QUICK, LOOK UP TAPAWASSI." "TAPAWASSI, UM..." " BETROTHED." " LOOK UP BETROTHED." "MAX..." "AH, MY FUTURE SON-IN-LAW." "I COME MANY MOONS OVER HIGH MOUNTAINS THROUGH" "SON-IN-LAW?" "I OFFER YOU MY SINCERE FELICITATIONS." "THANK YOU, I'VE HAD A LONG DUSTY TRIP." "I THINK I'LL JUST GO OUT AND CLEAN UP." "( chuckles ) DAD." "ONE MOMENT." "RUNNING CREEK, MY DAUGHTER WHITE CLOUD HAS BEEN AWAITING YOU." "I AM SURE THERE IS MUCH TO TALK ABOUT." "HELLO, RUNNING CREEK." "UH, I COME MANY MOONS OVER GREAT MOUNTAINS" "THROUGH DEEP RIVERS TO SEE WHITE CLOUD." "I JOIN MY FATHER IN EXTENDING A MOST GRACIOUS WELCOME TO YOU." "THANK YOU, WHITE CLOUD." "I WONDER, COULD YOU DIRECT ME TO THE MAIN TENT?" "RUNNING CREEK, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THESE MANY YEARS?" "WELL, I'VE BEEN VISITING THE GREAT CITIES OF THE EAST." "TELL ME, WHITE CLOUD, WHAT ARE ALL THE PREPARATIONS GOING ON IN CAMP?" "OH, MY FATHER'S BENT ON CONQUEST." "HE WANTS TO OVERTHROW THE UNITED STATES." "HE HAS A SECRET WEAPON IN HIS WAR TENT." "WELL, YOUR FATHER WOULD BE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE" "TO GO TO WAR WITH THE UNITED STATES." " MANY PEOPLE COULD GET HURT." " WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?" "YES, WELL, I DON'T KNOW, WHITE CLOUD, BUT MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE ME" "TO THE BIG TENT AND I COULD TALK THEM OUT OF USING THE SECRET WEAPON." "WE'VE BEEN SEPARATED ALL THESE YEARS" "AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS TALK TO ME ABOUT WAR AND SECRET WEAPONS?" "THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES SOMETIMES." "WHAT KIND OF TAPAWASSI ARE YOU?" "WHAT KIND?" "WELL, I'VE ASKED MYSELF THAT QUESTION MANY TIMES." "I SUPPOSE I'M JUST AN AVERAGE TAPAWASSI." "SHOW ME THE SIGNS OF INDIAN AFFECTION" "A TAPAWASSI SHOULD SHOW HIS BELOVED." "SIGNS OF-- WELL, PERHAPS LATER, WHITE CLOUD." "NO, NOW." "IF YOU WANT MY HELP" "THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS BE NICE TO ME." "SPEAK TO ME IN THE LANGUAGE OF THE TAPAWASSI OR I'LL SCREAM." "SHH." "DON'T SCREAM." "I'LL BE GLAD TO TALK TO YOU" "IN THE LANGUAGE OF THE TAPAWASSI." "THE TAPAWASSI USED DESCRIPTIVE LANGUAGE" "TO COMPARE HIS SQUAW WITH THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE." "UH, LOVELIER THAN THE GOLDEN SUNSET ARE YOU." "THE INDIAN LOVER SHOWS HIS REGARD FOR HIS SQUAW BY..." "TAKING HER HAND..." "STROKING HER HAIR..." "AND KISSING HER ON THE..." "ELBOW." " ELBOW?" " ELBOW." "RUNNING CREEK!" "YOUR YEARS SPENT IN THE GREAT CITIES OF THE EAST" "HAVE TURNED YOU INTO A REAL WEIRDO." "UH, WHITE CLOUD, I BROUGHT SOMETHING FOR YOU." " WHAT IS IT?" " WELL, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH AND OPEN YOUR EYES" "AND THE TAPAWASSI WILL GIVE YOU A BIG SURPRISE." "( muffled shriek )" "AN OLD TRICK, WHITE CLOUD, BUT IT'S VERY EFFECTIVE." "AS A MATTER OF FACT, THEY PULLED IT ON ME JUST LAST WEEK." "( muffled screaming )" "SORRY ABOUT THAT, WHITE CLOUD." "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" "WHAT IS THAT?" "IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER, I WOULD SAY IT WAS AN ELECTRIC SNAKE." "99, I'M IN THE WAR TENT." "THE INDIANS HAVE RIGGED UP SOME SORT OF MISSILE SYSTEM HERE." "UH, I'M GOING TO TAKE SOME PICTURES." "( men chattering ) 99, SOMEONE'S COMING." "I THINK IT'S THE WAR COUNCIL." "I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE." "THIS IS WAR TENT." "ELECTRONICS." "DON'T TOUCH." "GENTLEMEN, CHIEFS," "BE SEATED." "I WELCOME ALL TRIBES TO COUNCIL OF WAR." "PROJECT RED FEATHERS IS READY TO STRIKE." "I HAVE BUT TO PRESS A BUTTON" "AND THAT PROJECTILE WILL GO STRAIGHT TO AMERICA'S HEART." "WAIT!" "SHOULDN'T WE TALK THIS OVER?" "NO, THE TIME FOR TALK HAS PASSED." "WILL IT BE WAR OR PEACE?" " ( muttering )" " CHIEFS..." "CAST YOUR VOTE." "WAR OR PEACE." "WAR OR PEACE?" "CAST." "CAST YOUR VOTE." "TWO FOR WAR AND TWO FOR PEACE." "I SHALL THROW THE DECIDING VOTE." "Max:" "OUCH." "HI, DAD." "NOW LISTEN, ABOUT THE HONEYMOON..." "I THINK WHITE" "SILENCE!" "AND YOU MY FUTURE SON-IN-LAW," "HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?" "SEIZE HIM!" "WAIT, FATHER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "THIS MAN IS AN IMPOSTER." "WE ARE GOING TO KILL HIM." "OH, I KNOW HE'S AN IMPOSTOR," "BUT HE'S CUTE, AND I WANT HIM." "LOOK AT THAT." "OH, SO WHAT IF HE'S VAIN?" "A LITTLE MAKEUP DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING." "HE IS NOT EVEN YOUR TAPAWASSI." "YOU'RE RIGHT." "I'M MAXWELL SMART, SECRET AGENT 86." "TORTURE HIM." "KILL HIM." "I AM ALSO A LIAR." "COULDN'T I HAVE HIM FOR A LITTLE WHILE?" "YEAH, DAD, A HALF-HOUR ISN'T GOING TO HURT ANYBODY." "AFTER WE'RE THROUGH WITH HIM." "COULDN'T YOU WORK IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?" "PLEASE, FATHER." "WELL..." "MAYBE FOR 15 MINUTES." "THEN WE TORTURE HIM LATER." "NOW WE GO TO MY TEEPEE." "GOOD." "DOES YOUR FATHER HAVE A WATCH?" "STICK 'EM UP!" "NOW, SHE SHOWS UP." "CAN'T YOU COME BACK IN 15 MINUTES?" "MAX, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE YOUR HANDS UP." "ALL OF YOU." "GET AWAY FROM HIM." "YOU, GET FURTHEST AWAY." "MAX, LOOK!" "I WILL NOT BE DENIED MY VENGEANCE ON THE UNITED STATES." "WAIT A MINUTE, RED CLOUD, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU." "I'M SURE IF YOU LISTEN WHAT I HAVE TO SAY," " YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT PRESSING THAT BUTTON." " SPEAK QUICKLY." "NOW LISTEN, RED CLOUD, WE'VE ALWAYS HAD GREAT RESPECT FOR THE NOBLE RED MAN." "LET'S THINK OF THE PAST." "REMEMBER WHEN YOU ROAMED THESE GREAT PLAINS WITH YOUR BUFFALO." "AND THEN CAME OUR SETTLERS, AND THEN OUR SOLDERS" "UH, MAYBE WE'D BETTER FORGET ABOUT THE PAST." "THE PRESENT-- THAT'S WHAT COUNTS, THE PRESENT." "LET'S LOOK AT THE PRESENT." "LOOK WHAT WE'VE GIVEN YOU IN THE PRESENT." "THESE NICE, TINY LITTLE RESERVATIONS" "UH, LET'S TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE, RED CLOUD." "NOW, IF WE TAKE THE PROMISES OF THE PAST," "AND JOIN THEM WITH THE POLICES OF THE PRESENT," "THEN THERE IS ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO SAY." "LET 'ER RIP, RED CLOUD." "( engine roaring )" "THAT'S THE SECOND BIGGEST ARROW I'VE EVER SEEN." "IT MAY INTEREST YOU TO KNOW THAT RED CLOUD'S ENORMOUS ARROW" "IS NOW ON DISPLAY IN THE WEST WING OF THE WHITE HOUSE." "NO KIDDING, CHIEF." "WHERE DID IT LAND?" "IN THE WEST WING OF THE WHITE HOUSE" "I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU." "THE NEWLY-APPOINTED UNDERSECRETARY" "OF THE INTERIOR FOR INDIAN AFFAIRS" "IS HERE TO PRESENT YOU WITH AN AWARD." "I TRAVEL OVER HIGH MOUNTAINS," "ACROSS WIDE RIVERS TO BRING YOU MEDAL FROM MY PEOPLE." "RED CLOUD!" "TAPAWASSI, MR. RED CLOUD." "NOW, ABOUT MY DAUGHTER." "UH, GEE, DAD, I LOVE YOUR HAT." "BUT WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE ONE WITH THE HORNS?" "( theme music playing )"