"As soon as I see you even before I see you, I start to smile without knowing I'm doing it." "And I start to smile as well." "Before I see you." "We've got the same smile." "But we're not smiling out of happiness." "Are we?" "It's not a smile of happiness." "It's a smile of politeness...or fear or even of grief." "I don't know." "That's how it feels." "As if we don't want to let each other know how sad we are." "So we smile because of our grief." "Because we can't do anything about what's happened about how things have turned out." "Details" "Based on a drama by Lars Norén" "Screenplay Jonas Frykberg" "Hi!" "Pleased to meet you." "Erik Falk." "Emma Lukacs." "This is very nice." "What can we do for you?" "I sent you a manuscript a few months back." "Did you have time to read it?" "It was a novel." "It is a novel." "Ah...a novel...that's right." "What's the title now?" "Now?" "Now it's 'Lost and Found'." "Maybe just 'Lost' would be better." "Did you read it?" "You didn't read it." "It doesn't matter." "Come in." "I haven't read it." "I'm being honest." "I'm sure someone has." "Do sit down." "You must get masses of junk..." "...you don't have time to read." "We certainly get our share." "But every ten years a new talent pops up." "How old did you say you were?" "How old?" "26." "I guess you have to be under twenty, to get published these days." "Not at this publisher's." "I'm 44." "Beautiful room." "Yes...it is." "Used to be my father's." "Typically Swedish." "I've been abroad ten years." "Don't know if I can write in Swedish anymore." "I was at Yale." "Ah, I see..." "I studied the history of literature and sociology...and the Elizabethans." "Oh, them." "So...do you live in the US?" "No." "In London." "Why?" "Why live there?" "I met an American who lives there, and married him." "Ah...you're married." "Yes." "Well, we're splitting up." "I'm getting divorced." "I might be moving back here again." "What for..." "why are you getting divorced?" "None of my business." "If you don't like my novel, once you find it, I could work as a reader or translator." "I've read a lot of new American literature." "What does he do?" "Who?" "Your husband, what's his line?" "You're asking what work he does?" "Why are you asking?" "I..." "Well, I don't know really." "He's a jazz pianist." "Has his own band, sometimes." "Funk?" "No." "He's played with John McLaughlin and Robert Fripp." "I'm not familiar with Robert Fripp, as..." "I shall die before you." "Hello." "Now then..." "I've been waiting three hours!" "Bronchial problems." "Right?" "I've got lung cancer." "No, it's my sinuses, or whatever they're called it won't go away." "I've got a stomach ache-cramp." "Okay, let's have a look." "Sit there." "Can you open wide?" "Yes, I can." "Thank you." "A little coating." "Smoke?" "Yup." "But I run five to seven kilometres, five days a week." "Slight inflammation..." "Here it's bloody painful, when I bend to pick things up or tie my shoes." "Sometimes I get dizzy." "I almost pass out." "It's not serious, is it, like Méniére's syndrome?" "What do you think?" "Sometimes my heart races." "Bloody unpleasant." "I have to lie down." "It makes me so worried." "I had pneumonia in the spring, too." "Open wide." "Am I heading for a burn-out?" "It could be the combination of a virus and being overworked." "You're 30." "29...going on 30." "I feel like 50." "My friends are all getting divorces, they work too much." "So am I..." "What the hell." "There are people waiting who need help." "What work d'you do?" "Working class." "What?" "Hypochondriac." "No." "Author." "I write." "Can you lie down?" "I've just written a play." "The National are doing it this autumn." "I've just finished a thing about all the lonely people dying in the city." "I went out with the guys who have to pick up the pieces when someone's thrown themselves in front of a tube." "Their bodies can get twisted like a rope between train and platform." "At the crematorium they put the frontpart of a suit on them or the frontbit of a dress if it's a woman, or a jumper if it's a child." "I could use that, perhaps." "A giftbook...for Christmas." "Can you prescribe me something to make me sleep?" "Something strong." "I'm not sure what it's called, but..." "Rohypnol." "It's against my principles to take stuff like that." "But...at some point I've got to sleep." "I'm prescribing you penicillin." "Three times daily for ten days." "And, as for sleeping pills, there's a new drug that doesn't have such strong side effects." "Stilnoct." "I'll give you 25 tablets at 10 milligrams." "They won't solve any problems." "I only have insoluble problems." "Listen...couldn't you let me have a hundred...while you're at it?" "One year later" "What do you want me to ask you to do?" "Ask for what?" "I've stopped asking." "Ask me to get you a glass of water." "Ask me to answer the phone." "Ask me to fuck your arse while you're kneeling on the sofa." "I don't want to ask for that." "There are things I don't want to do." "Ask for something you don't want." "What's the good of that?" "Shall I wear this?" "Perhaps it's nicer than the blue one." "You've never let me fuck your arse." "I don't like you saying that..." "That dress needs a bruise to go with it." "You want to sit there?" "Yes, please." "What do you think?" "What I think?" "Do I have to think something?" "I don't know." "I think it's fairly...more aesthetically violent than it need to be." "Oh, I don't know." "No, I don't think so at all." "My period's started." "No." "No!" "Hasn't it?" "So what is it?" "Bad luck." "Want to go home?" "No, why?" "It's looking pretty good." "Is it?" "Isn't it awful?" "Isn't everyone quiet?" "Aren't they very quiet?" "They're listening." "Is that what they're doing?" "I find it...most interesting." "And exciting." "Is it?" "Yes, maybe it is." "I don't know." "I couldn't give a shit." "My wife's just said it's beautifully different." "This is Ann, my wife." " Stefan, who wrote this." "Hello." "What was that music at the end?" "The end?" "There's another act to go." "I must be off." "It's going to do very well." "What?" "What's going to do very well?" "We're publishing his play, but why?" "What bloody kind of play is it?" "Hi there." "Hi." "Good evening." "How are things?" "There was such a long line at the ladies' room..." "I've gotten a job." "At Hedengren's bookstore." "Just for a while." "In..." "Stureplan..." "Come and buy a book some time." "Yes..." "I'd like that." "Bye." "Who was that?" "Someone you know?" "No..." "She sent us a manuscript some years ago, I think." "She's so beautiful." "Did you accept it?" "I don't think we did." "No, we didn't, it wasn't ready." "She's beautiful." "She's ill." "Is she?" "Great." "I'm so pleased you could make it." "You did ask me, didn't you?" "Well, yes..." "I did!" "Why did you want to see me?" "Why I wanted to see you?" "Why do you think I wanted to?" "Well..." "I don't know." "Your lunch break?" "How long's your lunch?" "Oh...until two." "An hour." "What's the time?" "Twenty past one..." "Would you like to talk to someone?" "Please put that lighter down." "Thanks." "I've been thinking about you." "Why?" "Why?" "Yes, why have you been thinking about me?" "Why does one think about someone?" "Well...what have you been thinking?" "Where do you live?" "Where I live?" "Well, I live..." "I've borrowed a friend's apartment." "A little studio on Västmanna Street." "Next door to Matteus Church." "Sometimes you hear them singing in there, when there's a service." "Where do you live?" "Jungfru Street." "Been there 13 years." "Have you been thinking about me at all?" "Yes." "Have you?" "Of course I have." "No?" "He didn't say where he was going?" "No, it doesn't say here." "Do you want him to call you?" "No..." "No, there's no need." "Thanks." "Bye." "Come and have something to eat." "I don't want to." "Daniel..." "Why are you smiling?" "Smiling?" "I don't know." "Why are you asking?" "Are you tired?" "No." "What do you mean?" "I don't mean anything." "What have you been doing today?" "What I've been doing...today?" "I've had a couple of meetings..." "completely unnecessary about moving publishing up a floor." "And then...they're moving accounts down a floor." "And that's the exact opposite of what they did three years ago." "And I had a meeting with one of the readers, who said to me:" ""I don't want to intrude, but you're my boss."" ""I've been here nine years and you've never talked to me" "so now I've booked you in for a meeting." "What do you think of me?"" ""What I think of you?" "Well..."" ""You're good...sound judgement, you express yourself very well."" ""You're to the point."" ""Screw my sound judgement," he said." ""What do you think of me as a person?"" ""As a person?" "Well..." "Well, I don't know."" ""I know you don't," he said." "Then he left." "That's what I've done." "What have you done?" "Nothing else?" "Not that I recall." "And you?" "Well, at..." "At about half one a man came into emergency." "He was carrying a can of petrol with at least five litres in it quite a lot." "Then...he unscrewed the cap and poured petrol over himself and got out a cigarette lighter." "And...then what?" "I went up to him and tried to talk to him tried to get him to hand the lighter over." "He didn't say a word the whole time." "I don't even know if he understood what I was saying." "Then...the fire brigade came and started evacuating the place and told me to leave." "But I couldn't, I couldn't move." "I don't know how long I stood there." "And then?" "Then?" "Then he..." "lit the lighter and started burning." "What?" "God Almighty, did he die?" "What do you think?" "Yes." "He died." "Do you want to talk about it?" "I am talking about it." "That's what I'm doing." "You really don't remember what you've been doing?" "When?" "Today." "But I've told you." "How are things?" "Not too bad." "Better than before, anyway." "I guess that's the idea-you feel better after, than you did before..." "I don't know." "I hope so." "Otherwise what's the point?" "Yeah...what?" "Otherwise it's meaningless." "We're here." "Aren't we?" "Who's that, out there?" "I don't know." "Don't you know who it is?" "How should I know?" "When did she arrive?" "She was already here." "Is it time?" "But did she say anything?" "That she thought it would feel a little better afterwards..." "Better?" "What would feel better?" "Just being here, I suppose." "Is there any difference, though?" "If he recognizes me, I have been alive." "If I walk past him and he recognizes me, I existed...didn't I?" "You could say that." "I'd never shake Kissinger's hand, if the opportunity arose." "Not even if he held out his hand and said 'Kissinger'." "Never." "What I remember is that I liked going into a bookshop just as it opened." "To be one of the first customers." "To feel the untouched spines of the books." "And hear the first footsteps, before there are too many..." "One day I saw a book." "I thought perhaps I'd buy it, but I didn't." "Then I thought, how many things you think about without ever doing them." "Then I thought how it makes no odds." "I had word from Toscana Holidays." "A house in Marina de Pisa..." "2 July, three weeks." "Sitting room, two bed, kitchen." "Great." "And there's a patio at the back with figtrees." "We can eat breakfast there." "Have intercourse...woman and man." "Let's go to Italy via Yugoslavia." "Through Macedonia." "Macedonia?" "What the hell for, if we're going to Italy?" "It's beautiful." "You're crazy." "It can't be that bloody beautiful." "And there's going to be war in Yugoslavia." "It'll be a horrendous bloody war." "Why the hell go through Macedonia?" "No..." "As you said." "Want some more?" "Of what?" "I've not had anything yet." "Everyone!" "Two minutes to go." "Bring your glasses and come through." "We could put Daniel on a plane and then pick him up in Pisa?" "Don't you want time for just us?" "But the last week." "We could go to Florence, up to Fiesole, to that monastery..." "..." "like nine years ago." "Remember?" "Of course." "The food was atrocious." "I remember that." "We're not going there to eat, you idiot." "Just for the memories." "That's the most beautiful room I've ever stayed in." "So clean and calm." "From the balcony, all Florence lay stretched out below, glittering like a memory." "Ring out..." "Happy New Year!" "Happy New Year!" "Hello." "Hiya." "Oh, it's you." "What are you doing here?" "Running." "Oh..." "Happy New Year." "What's happy about it?" "D'you think there's going to be war?" "Where?" "In Yugoslavia?" "Yes." "In Kuwait!" "Don't you keep up with CNN...eh?" "I do..." "I'm up half the night watching CNN." "The Americans want war..." "it's their favourite spectator sport." "I hope it comes to that." "It can't all end in some bloody anti- climax." "Not now, after this autumn!" "Already done?" "Yup." "What else do you do?" "Golf, tennis?" "Cricket." "Cricket..." "Oh." "Not often you see a cricketmatch in Sweden." "A bit unusual." "Where do you play?" "Where?" "I'm fooling." "I don't play cricket...it was a joke." "I thought as much." "I thought you thought as much." "Maybe you and I could play tennis some day, if you like." "You and me?" "If you play tennis, I mean." "I'm quite a decent tennis player." "Dad wanted me to turn pro." "He wanted me to be better than Björn Borg." "He drove me to the courts every bloody day, starting when I was six." "Now he's in hospital, some kind of motor-neurone disease." "He'll be dying soon." "He communicates pushing a small rod against a computer screen." "C'est la vie." "He wants me to come and visit him, but I refuse." "The first time he raped me I was five." "Let me know if you want tennis lessons." "They had no rooms in Fiesole, not until August." "Then we'll be gone." "Yes." "This is the house that Gabriele D'Annunzio used to come to a great deal as his great love lived here the love of his life." "Do mind the stairs." "Please come this way." "That is a portrait D'Annunzio gave my grandfather." "The balcony..." "You can see the sea." "This way, I'll show you your room." "Here's where you'll be sleeping." "A cupboard for all your things." "Over here we have the kitchen..." "Be a nice chap and rub some on my back." "How does it feel?" "How does what feel?" "Do you want a whisky?" "Whisky?" "At ten in the morning?" "We're on holiday!" "Do you think about her?" "What did you say?" "I said, do you think about her?" "Think about who?" "Her." "The girl you're thinking about." "For God's sake who?" "Emma?" "Oh, so that's her name?" "I didn't know her name." "I think that's her name, if that's who you mean?" "Don't know." "I'm asking you." "Asking me what?" "If you think about her?" "Why would I?" "I've met her twce." "Have you slept with her?" "I've met her twce." "As I recall, she's been married to an American for seven or eight years." "He's a musician." "I remember all this as her novel's about her marriage to an American musician in Berlin." "And that's why I recall it." "I remember that..." "I remember her novel better than her." "Titian. "Venus di Urbino"." "Why does it have such an impact on me?" "I don't know." "I'm not you." "She's naked." "With small breasts." "Have you slept with her?" "And why would I have done that?" "Because you wanted to." "Because you liked it." "Because men and women do that." "Well, we don't." "But other men and women have sex with each other." "You're the only woman I've slept with for the last 9 years." "Even if we only do it once a month nowadays..." "When's your ovulation?" "You needn't worry, I haven't got that many eggs left." "She's not the woman you think she is: she's ill." "Okay by me..." "Then I suppose that's what attracts you." "Good Lord, are you here?" "Hello." "What are you doing here?" " Hello." "This is Ann, my wife." " Stefan..." "You met at the National I think..." "At the first night of my first play." "Awful piece of work." "Exactly..." "I mean, that's where we met." "At the National." "Oh..." "Hello." "So many people everywhere." "Wha..." "This is..." "Emma." "So you're in Florence?" "Have you been here long?" "Why does everyone go to Florence?" "Have you been inside?" "Yes, the Renaissance galleries with Lippi are a must." "They're the ones I like best." "There's a limit to what you can take in." "Where are you staying?" "In Marina de Pisa." "A few kilometres outside Pisa." "20 km." "And you?" "We're staying in a monastery." "Up there." "Fiesole, it's called." "Are you?" "It's...nice to get away from all the traffic, all the people down here." "You should have come in March." "Then it's just Italian schoolchildren." "I was in the States in May." "Met some agents and lawyers." "We'll see where it all leads." "I saw Hackman in 'Death and the Maiden'." "It wasn't a...flashy star job at all, as you might have expected." "Glenn Close was good as well." "A bit old, perhaps." "For what?" "Have you been to the Donatello?" "Yes we have." "Amazing baths they had." "Who did?" "The Romans." "Didn't you seen those enormous baths in the corridors?" "No, no...those aren't baths." "They're sarcophagii, you know." "Really?" "I see." "Are you sure?" "How are things?" "Sorry I'm late." "No." "You're early." "Sorry I'm early." "I got lost." "Not Upplands Street?" "No!" "Västmanna Street." "Come in." "I'll just get dressed." "I was asleep in that house we were renting." "And I woke up...suddenly, in the middle of the night, about three." "I sat up in the bed and said, straight into the darkness:" ""Now my life's falling to pieces."" "Why did you say that?" "I just said it." "Loud and clear." "Had something happened?" "I think so." "Next I said, so loud I heard it: "I want to have a child with her."" ""I love her."" "Who?" "You." "Can't we just carry on being friends?" "Where's Stefan?" "He's at home, I think." "He felt run down, sore throat." "That's rough." "Is he very ill?" "He's seeing the doctor tomorrow, to get some penicillin." "Maybe it's tonsillitis." "Can't you tell me you love me?" "I guess so." "It hurts." "Loving me?" "Saying it." "I never said it before." "Not to anyone." "How are you feeling?" "Where am I?" "Sabbatsberg Hospital." "You've been in intensive care." "What was I doing there?" "Why was I in..." "What did you call it?" "Intensive care." "What sort of tablets did you take?" "What sort?" "White ones." "How many?" "Didn't count." "Just swallowed them." "While using a needle?" "Yup." "We take this sort of thing seriously." ""We?" How many of you are there?" "Your lungs could have collapsed." "I know who you are." "You know who I am, don't you?" "Yes." "Who am I?" "We've met before." "I know we've met before." "But who am I?" "May I touch you?" "No." "Can't I touch you?" "No." "Why can't I touch you?" "I'm good at it." "You'd like it." "They tell me I'm good at it." "They?" "How many of them are there?" "Oh, look, it's Milano." "It's Paris." "No." "They're talking Italian." "It's Milano." "Look at that!" "The café we were at." "We sat there." "Look!" "But darling, that could be anywhere." "I wonder what went wrong." "Why does a beautiful, young woman choose that for a living?" "Why not workin a shop?" "Workin a shop where?" "Anywhere." "A tax-free boutique where you buy perfume...and handbags." "Now he's caressing her." "She's...enjoying it." "Look." "It's me." "Is it you?" "I know just how she feels." "Now she's caressing him." "I could do that to you." "Like that...just like that I could do it..." "...just as well." "Would you?" "Do it, then." "Now she's bending..." "Look, get down." "Wait." "What is it?" "I thought I heard Daniel." "He's gone back to sleep." "I used to hold him until he fell asleep." "I almost fell asleep myself." "He called me 'Mum.'" "Now it's really over." "Why are you here?" "Here?" "The same reason as everyone else." "What happened?" "A car accident." "Car accident?" "Yes." "A plain accident." "Our car went off the road." "And you died?" "Yes." "It happened so fast, we hardly noticed." "You couldn't feel a thing." "Well, I couldn't." "I was in dreadful pain." "Were you?" "That's right." "That roadsign ran you through." "I couldn't stop screaming." "In the end I couldn't hear myself screaming." "I tried to turn round...to see how you were." "But it was dark." "And you." "What happened to you?" "I don't want to talk about it." "Forgotten something?" "Hello?" "Hi there!" "Remember me?" "What do you want?" "How did you reckon it'd happen?" "That you'd get to decide everything?" "What do you want?" "What do you think I want?" "Let me in and you'll see." "Let me in, you can see my breasts." "It sounds..." "But..." "We could meet later...for lunch, or...?" "You still love her." "Don't you?" "Let me in!" "Don't be scared." "She's not going to die." "You've no shoes!" "Have you told Ann about me?" "Keep calm." "I am calm." "When are you going to talk to her?" "Take it easy!" "Don't tell me what to do." "I'm not." "What are you going to do?" "Talk to her?" "What'll you tell her?" "I'll talk to her." "When?" "On her evening off." "Tell her you're leaving her, for three months...then coming back?" "Or will you tell her you're leaving her for ever?" "Why do you want to know my plans, where I'm going to live what films I want to see...?" "I know nothing about your plans." "And I'm discreet enough not to ask." ""Have you had a lung X-ray?" "Is your doctor okay?"" "How have you planned this?" "Does she know what's going to hit her?" "Have you prepared her?" "I'm starting to feel bored, waiting for you oldtimer." "Do you have any Häagen Dasz?" "Häagen Dasz ice cream?" "Yes." "Do you?" "Do you share ice cream, too?" "Haven't bought any for years." "The chocolate's best." "Tub." "I think I'll get dressed now." "Wait!" "I came here to show you this." "It should make you happy." "'The Flyer and the Fledgling,' about you." "I'll read it to you." "Not now!" "Can't we just..." "No!" "We're doing this now." "Here's the first page." "There's me." "There's you, on a leaf." ""How happy you look." "You're never usually this happy."" ""Can you look this happy?" "And why are you so happy?"" ""Because you're a little flying thing."" ""You can fly...wherever you like."" ""Let's play daddy and child," you say." ""You're the child, I'm the dad." You're the dad." "Where's the child?" "Let's see." ""First I have to give you a bath."" "What happens next?" "In moonlight there sat we two perching in a tree" "Then we have to fly." "No, no." "It's easy." "Like this..." "I can't find anything." "Can't you?" "No." "Nothing interesting." "Unless you want to see 'Grease' or 'Gone with the Wind.'" "No thanks." "There's nothing then." "Shall we go for a walk instead?" "Right." "I saw a black dress at NK which I'd like to try on." "Okay." "I've lost weight." "Seven kilos." "As much as that?" "That girl..." "Who?" "What's her name?" "Emma?" "The one we bumped into in Italy." "Wasn't her name Emma?" "I'm not sure." "I think it was." "She was admitted to the psychiatric ward yesterday." "Really?" "Yesterday?" "Psychotic." "There's a concert we could go to." "Mozart's 'Requiem'." "In two hours." "Shall we go?" "Okay." "Then I'll have time to look at that dress as well." "What actually happened?" "If you don't mind me asking?" "He was feeling a bit tired, if I remember correctly." ""Read something," I said. "Haven't you got a good book to read?"" "So he went down to Hedengren's Bookshop." "He fell in love, at Hedengren's, with someone younger, fresher." "I learnt the truth when I bumped into him in the psychiatric ward at the hospital I worked at." "He was so much off his guard that he didn't have time to think up a lie." "Emma." "Found anything?" "Nothing I didn't already know." "What are you staring at?" "I..." "I'm not staring." "She's like someone you know?" "Who?" "Ann." "The person you're staring at, does she look like Ann, your wife?" "You are my wife: you're not like her." "Do you think about her?" "No." "Why would I?" "Do you?" "No..." "I can hardly remember her." "Another latte, please." " Funny, bumping into you here." "Me bumping into you then!" "Strange." "Why have caffe latte with you?" "Don't go." "Please." "I mean...stay." "Why?" "Because...we've known each other." "Have we?" "I mean, it's not that long ago." "How are things?" "Everything all right?" "Yes." "Couldn't be better actually." "So I see!" "And you?" "I'm fine...fine." "Good." "Keeping very busy." "Yes, very busy." "I mean I'm keeping very busy." "Oh..." "Well...me too!" "Up to my arse as always." "Yes, I can tell." "And Stefan, how's his...?" "His arse?" "Fine." "He's playing tennis with Daniel." "Daniel?" "Yes...your son." "Why tennis with him?" "He enjoys it." "Can't he play with his own son?" "He doesn't have a son." "I see..." "It's good talking to you." "Been a long time." "Has it?" "Hasn't it?" "You said earlier it wasn't." "It's the same thing." "He took our divorce badly." "Very badly." "Of course." "We were through." "You were through." "I certainly wasn't." "I thought we were happily married." "I was, at least." "I've met such a vivacious man who has...made me feel much more secure than I ever was with you." "He's given me much more, on a personal level, than you ever could." "Absolutely." "What did you say...what level?" "A personal, human level." "Great." "Hasn't he got some play on, this autumn?" "Yes." "His best one ever, actually." "I look forward to it." "Do that." "Look forward to it." "Are you going to have children?" "You and Emma?" "Ah...maybe." "And you?" "Ah, here's my salad." " Could I have some more dressing?" "And...two caffe lattes." "A major change, since the 80s: it's not café au lait now, it's caffe latte." "I think I'll give this a rest." "I tried to ring you on Friday, but...you weren't home or at the publisher's." "I haven't worked there for three years." "I write my own novels now." "On Friday two policemen picked up Daniel, in the middle of class." "Friday?" "I was at the Sophia Clinic, visiting Emma." "He'd started a fire in a broom cupboard at school." "Just a minor investigation, then." "There have been seven or eight fires recently." "He's not your son." "D'you know how that feels?" "He never has been." "You've seen him as a rival, since he was a year old." "Nothing's caused me more pain." "Did you know that?" "Erik, answer me honestly." "Do you still love me?" "Hello." "No..." "Don't stop." "What have you been doing today?" "Work-out?" "No, I dropped by the theatre and watched them rehearsing 'Lost and Found'." "Then I tried to find some shoes, but had no luck." "I bumped into one of the actors..." "...and chatted for a while." "Where did you meet him?" "Her." "We...just had a coffee." "This artistic director in London, who's heard about my plays, wrote that he...wants me to come over." "I'm giving it a thought." "Any chance you could get away?" "When?" "In three weeks, after the firstnight." "No..." "No chance." "Would you be angry if I went by myself?" "No, I wouldn't be angry." "Oh..." "I met Erik today." "I told him about Daniel." "And that we'd bought a house in Lidingö?" "It's me that's bought a house in Lidingö." "Well, how were things with him?" "Schizophrenic as usual." "Erik?" "Schizophrenic?" "Mm...as usual." "In what way is he schizophrenic?" "Unproven." "Just a subjective feeling I have...it comes and goes." "Like drains- never fixed because the smell comes, then goes." "Is she young?" "Who?" "The actress." "Is she young?" "Around 25..." "Short." "Has a long standing relationship." "So what!" "I asked for dressing, but got mustard." "And I had to ask them to turn the music down." "But apart from that..." "You can sit there looking at Humle Park, and the trees...the leaves falling..." "You almost get the feeling of being at home." "You don't have to be so focused on the person you're having lunch with." "Who were you with?" "Er...when?" "Weren't you on your own?" "I wasn't there on my own." "Didn't I say?" "Say what?" "I...had lunch with my wife." "At Lydmar." "Your wife?" "I'm your wife." "My last wife, I mean, of course." "I'm your wife..." "...we've been married five years." "I know." "We got married in autumn '93." "I just bumped into her, Emma." "So what did you talk about?" "About me?" "I went to look at that coat I tried on on Sunday." "But it had gone." "Why didn't I ask them to put it aside?" "Was it nicer than the blue one I tried on at home?" "Definitely..." "No comparison...different quality." "Damn, I regret not buying it." "Too late now." "Do you think it's too late?" "I imagine so." "Will you think about me while you're in London?" "Of course." "I'll be thinking about you day and night." "Why do I find it so hard to concentrate?" "I'm responsible for what happens, it's me they'll blame if things go wrong." "Then one day they're gone." "I don't know where they go." "But it happens fast, to say the least." "Hello." "Were you asleep?" "Hello." "I thought you'd ring earlier." "I know." "I've had so much to do." "What have you been doing?" "Nothing." "I mean..." "I've been walking around." "That takes time." "What's that noise?" "Is there someone there?" "No, it's the TV." "A man's...about to jump off a roof." "Jump off a roof..." "He's sitting on a roof...threatening to jump." "Why is that?" "Dunno." "No one knows." "I suppose..." "he's tired of life or something..." "Unemployed, could be..." "I dunno." "Love." "There's a dog in his lap." "Amazing..." "The dog's completely un-neurotic." "He nods off sometimes..." "Now he's smiling at something." "How are things at your end?" "How's Daniel?" "Fine." "How's the weather?" "Hello?" "Hello..." "We have to be there by seven." "The kitchen cost 300,000!" "I said you should ask them first!" "Why don't you listen?" "You listen to what everyone else says." "It's got to be a number one divorce factor -not listening to one another." "Divorces are caused by listening to one another." "What?" "That's what I think." "It's gotto be the other way round." "Not listening?" "Sure." "I think the most common reason for not understanding one another is that people understand each other too well." "To cope, get some peace...sometimes communication has to be disrupted." "We get paralyzed and drown, because we're continually receptive." "You and me?" "Wha...?" "No!" "Not you and me but in general." "I knew he was going to jump." "I saw it in his eyes." "He had the dog in his arms." "What breed was it?" "A..." "Jack Daniel's." "No!" "Jack Russel." "Like the sort we were thinking of getting." "Remember?" "They have charm." "But they're quite short." "How's work?" "Here you are!" "Hello." "Hiya!" "University again, in the spring." "Doing literature." "We were just...chatting a bit." "How are you?" "Fine." "Have you been looking for me?" "Not at all." "I was wandering about..." "I heard you left the publisher's." "Yeah, two years ago..." "Write my own books now." "Yes." "I know." "I...read your novel." "I'm going to the bathroom." "You okay?" "Fine." "Just going to the bathroom." "So, you know Thomas and Eva?" "I don't know them:" "Ann does." "They do Thanksgiving every year." "Yes, I know they do." "Is Ann here?" "She wasn't feeling too bright." "Cheers." "Did you see my play at the National?" "I appreciate you playing tennis with my son." "Ah, Daniel." "It's fun:" "I do it since I enjoy it." "Precisely why you're to stop doing it." "Really?" "Drop it, see?" "Why?" "Because that's what I want." "Why should you be playing tennis with him?" "If anyone's going to, I am, or someone else." "You don't play tennis." "You only...what's it...cricket." "Do you understand me?" "I understand you." "Good." "That's settled." "He wants to change surname." "I knew you'd say something." "He's cut you out of all the photos." "He doesn't want to be with you and Emma as the atmosphere is so unpleasant there." "It's terrible..." "It's terrible!" "So vile." "It's so..." "I know." "It's vile." "I can't believe it's true." "Fifteen..." "Fifteen!" "I didn't know how old she was." "I..." "I didn't say, "How old are you?"" "I mean..." "She looked older, okay?" "But she is fifteen - a child." "A child!" "What have you done?" "She looked older." "She behaved...she seemed..." "older than fifteen." "Considerably older." "How could you!" "How could I?" "How in Christ's name could you?" "How the fuck am I supposed to know?" "D'you have to repeat everything three times?" "I don't know!" "I don't know how I could do it." "Haven't a clue." ""I've no idea," as the English say." "Ann..." "Ann, I'll do anything at all for you, Ann...anything at all." "You know that." "Can you get out of here, then?" "D'you want that is that what you want?" "Can I just say something first?" "Can I...just explain what happened?" "Can't you listen...to what I have to say before I go, okay?" "What was I going to say?" "That's it..." "I beg your pardon." "Beg my what?" "Your pardon." "I beg your pardon." "Forgive me if I've done something unforgivable." "I wish you'd die..." "I understand." "...and that you'd never existed." "Can't you leave?" "Ann..." "Let's try to get through this." "No, I can't." "Don't say anything." "I can't..." "Just lie still." "No..." "Why do you only want me when I'm crying?" "I don't know." "It's not true." "Maybe I'll give you a child." "That's too late." "Don't say anything." "Hello!" "In here." "Hello darling!" "I'm just getting a glass of wine." "No wine." "I was at the Sophia Clinic." "Ah, yes...how did it go?" "The egg's 14 millimetres." "In two days it'll be ready for fertilization so we've got to try and make love." "Okay." "Preferably Wednesday...and Thursday." "Friday and Saturday, too." "Just to be on the safe side." "Sunday maybe." "This Thursday?" "Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday." "Can you manage that?" "Yes." "Of course I can." "If you want kids...with me." "Do you?" "Want to make love?" "A quickie." "I'm ovulating." "I just wanted to see how things were with you." "I'm not mad." "No, you're not." "I'm not mad." "No, I know you're not." "So what am I?" "You're tired." "You...have had a little breakdown." "I was right." "What about?" "Didn't I say there'd be a war in Yugoslavia?" "Yes, I did." "Here..." "I should've had ice tea instead." "Didn't they have it?" "Don't think so." "Where are we?" "Are we...here?" "Haven't had coffee since I got pregnant." "No." "Here." "That's all we've covered?" "Shall we take the autostrada?" "God no!" "It's ghastly." "Let's use...this route, through Pistoia, Montale..." "Prato" "Calenzano, Sesto and then Florence." "It's as though I was feeling sick." "Very sick?" "Not sure." "On the way back we can go through Volterra." "You know who lived there?" "The Etruscans." "Is it...all the way down there?" "I wonder if Eugenio Montale comes from Montale?" "I prefer the other poet, Ungaretti, wonderful poem it's only...from a Great War trench..." "can't remember it, only two words:" "Illumenso..." "Well, some other..." "It feels weird." "Does it?" "Here." "I never had any children." "Neither did I." "She couldn't have any." "We tried." "Yes, we tried everything." "IVF, love, and God...everything." "Travel Crete, Ireland..." "every bloody island." "Everything except making love." "But we made love when we had to." "Remember the house, Erik?" "The house with the walnuttree we planted in September?" "We planted it outside the glazed-in veranda facing the garden." "Only a month earlier we'd been looking for that sofa." "Remember?" "Looking for something to sit on so we could sit there together, watching the tree grow." "Can't we use the sofa from the living room?" "It can unfold into a bed." "In case we have guests." "We're not going to have guests." "We're having a two-seater sofa for two people." "We can go to other places, too." "Of course." "We've got all our lives." "Those?" "Those ones?" "The white ones?" "Yeah." "What do you think?" "Me..." "I think they're lovely." "Comfortable too." "Lovely." "Comfortable too." "Hello." "Here I am!" "D'you want to sit here and talk to me for a while?" "It'd mean a lot to me if you talked to me a little." "Hey...no smoking." "Finished my new play yesterday." "Never thought I would, ever." "It's about a publisher, an editor, married to a doctor." "At the start they're in their forties." "She can't have children, or they can't." "She gets pregnant a few times, but miscarries." "Sorry." "He's not a publisher, he's a writer, of course." "I changed that." "The difference isn't really important." "It's the same person." "One day a young woman turns up who wants him to read her novel." "He finds her young, beautiful, intelligent." "He falls in love deeply in love." "He...goes looking for her, in a tiny flat she's borrowed from a friend." "He doesn't know she's just hooked up with a brand new playwrighter." "After three weeks, psychosis hits her and she's admitted to hospital." "Now-who's in the same ward, waiting for her?" "The playwrighter, who's there due to his heroine addiction." "Very...very amusing scenes." "She, psychotic: he, abstinent." "I like those scenes very much..." "they're absolutely authentic." "Time passes." "We find out the younger woman has problems getting pregnant, too." "The playwrighter is unfaithful to the doctor with a fifteen-year old." "He's reported, for sex with an under- age person." "The doctor leaves him." "She moves to Italy and starts working with boatrefugees." "One day the publisher's 17-year-old son comes to visit." "How are things?" "Fine." "And Erik?" "So-so." "I need to do a bit of shopping on our way home." "How's school then?" "Okay." "It's my last year." "I know it's your last year." "I took you to school on your first day." "Do you remember?" "D'you know what you're going to do?" "No...no." "I don't, really." "You don't have to decide yet." "I'm so glad we've managed to keep in touch." "After the divorce, I mean." "Me too." "Oh!" "I can't believe you're here." "Nor me." "It's Erik." "He's coming the day after tomorrow." "Daniel?" "Are you awake?" "Daniel!" "We thought we'd drive somewhere..." "to Lucca." "Want to come along?" "See you later, then." "Where's the joy gone?" "Was there ever any?" "I don't know." "Don't you know?" "If it was joy." "What was it then?" "Love." "Yes, it was." "It was awful." "I was so happy." "Maybe I didn't feel joy." "But I was so happy..."