"My name is Frances Hill." "But all who know me call me Fanny." "I was born in a small village some 200 miles from London." "My parents were poor, but honest, but whilst I was still a young girl they were carried off by the smallpox." "Leaving me defenceless and almost destitute." "My fortune contained in a pouch consisted of just 1 7 shillings, and my sole possessions could be packed in a carpet bag." "Having paid my fare and clutching both bag and pouch in my hands, I had boarded the stagecoach to seek my fortune in London." "My poor country upbringing had not prepared me for the surprises which lay in store." "I had already discovered, however, some of those surprises had best be avoided." "Oh!" " Here, sir." "There's a timepiece." " Yes." "Oh dear, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir." "I didn't mean you any harm." "You leave me alone." "You've caused me enough trouble already." "Get out of my way." "Go away." "Now young miss, can we help you?" " Oh no, thank you." "Hey, stop." "Oome back, hey, stop!" " Help, help." "I've been robbed." "Me watch and me purse." " lt's that girl there." "She done it." "Stop that thief." "After her." "Stop that chief." " Hoi!" "Stop that chief!" "Stop her!" "She's a thief!" "Stop her!" "What's the matter, dearie?" " Oh, I've been robbed." "I've nothing left but what I'm wearing." "I'm all alone and nowhere to go." " What you need is a job, dearie." "Now how will I go about that?" " Oh, it's easy enough, a strong handsome young woman like yourself." "The place you want is over there." "It's the intelligence Office." "It'll cost you two shillings." "Do you have the money?" " l've very little." "That's enough." "You'll need that shilling to give the lady inside." "But I don't even know if there's jobs to be had." "And you won't find out without asking." "Now off you go." "Over there." "What do you want?" " Please ma'am. I want work." "Where's your shilling?" " Here, ma'am." "Name?" " Fanny." "Fanny Hill." "Where do you live?" " Please, ma'am. I just got here." "Have you no friends or relatives?" " No, ma'am." "Well, you don't look very strong, not built for hard work." "I'll do anything I'm asked." " Go and sit over there." "You'll have to take your turn." " Just a minute." "Turn around, dear." "Turn round." "So you're looking for a place." " Oh yes, ma'am, and a chance to please." " Well, I... I am looking for a servant." "What's your name, dear?" "Fanny, ma'am." " London is a vile, a wicked place." "You don't keep bad company, I trust?" "Oh no. I don't keep any company at all." " Well, good." "That's a condition that can chance." "A little something for your trouble, dear." "Always a pleasure to do business with you, Mrs. Brown." "Oome along then." "Where are your things?" " Oh, stolen, ma'am." "I've nothing but what I've got on." " Oh, dearie me." "We'll have to do something about that." "Won't we, dear?" "Oome along." "Oome along." "What a grand house, ma'am." " lt is generally considered, Fanny dear, to be one of the finest houses in London." "Ah, Martha, dear, come and meet Fanny Hill." "I've just employed her to... look after my linen." " Oh yes, ma'am." "And I charge you, Martha, to treat her with as much respect as you would myself." "For I am prodigious fond of Fanny." "Are the girls occupied?" " Well, Miss Phoebe's free, and one or two of the others." " Oh, good." "Have them join us." "Then they can all meet young Fanny." "Yes, ma'am." "Please, ma'am, is Miss Phoebe and the other girls servants?" "Not exactly, Fanny." "They are more what you would call relations." "Yes." "That's it." "Very personal relations." "Girls, this is a new young companion for us." "Fanny Hill." "How do you do, Miss Fanny?" " Thank you." "You'll enjoy it here." " Oore, you've done well for yourself, ma'am." "How experienced is she?" "That I'll leave for you to find out, Phoebe dear." "Oome along girls, take Fanny upstairs and make her feel at home." "Hustle, bustle." "Phoebe, be very gentle with her." "I think she may possess something very valuable." "You wouldn't mean her virtue?" " l do, and it will command a fine price, perhaps good for one or two carefully used." "Eh?" " Oarefully used!" "Don't be filthy!" "Polly and Jane arch jades that they were ran on in such affected encomiums on their good mistress, their sweet mistress and how lucky l was to light upon her, that I could not have bespoke a better with other the like gross stuff." "Such as would itself have started suspicions in any, but such an unpractised simpleton as I." "You're cold." " Fanny did you have a nice bath?" "Huh, huh." " Here, let me help you." "Polly, Jane, you're wanted in the parlour." " Thanks, Martha." "Goodnight, dear Fanny." "Goodnight." " Goodnight, Phoebe." "Phoebe plied me with further false explanations of the nature of my future service." "Oompanion now I was to be of my mistress Mrs. Brown and to be properly fitted for the role I was to keep myself up and out of sight for a few days, till suitable finery could be procured." "This digested perfectly well with me, but the truth was far from so." "Oh, it's so soft and comfortable." "I've never slept in a bed like this before!" "What's that noise?" "Oh, Mrs Brown has guests." "No doubt the company are beginning to enjoy themselves." "A little less noise girls." "Phoebe has company upstairs." "Why isn't Phoebe downstairs with us?" " She has some important work to keep her busy." " Not if I know Phoebe, work ain't work and she's very busy." "Oh, that I will." "Just think what might have become of you had you not had the good fortune to come upon our mistress." "Oh yes, I tremble to think." "But happily you're with us, dear sweet Fanny." "Phoebe, who I was to learn was never out of her way when any occasion of lewdness presented itself, embraced and kissed me with great eagerness." "This was new, this was odd, but imputing it to nothing but pure kindness, which, for aught I knew, it might be the London way to express it in that manner." "I returned her the kiss and embrace, with all the fervour that perfect innocence I knew." "Encouraged by this, her hands became extremely free, and wandered over my whole body, with touches, squeezes, pressures." "They either shocked or alarmed me." "The flattering praises she intermingled with these invasions contributed also not a little to bribe my passiveness, and knowing no ill, I feared none," "especially from one who had prevented all the doubts of her womanhood, by conducting my hands to a pair of breasts that hung down, in a size and volume" "that full sufficiently distinguished her sex, to me at least," "who had never made any other comparison." "Oh what a charming creature thou art." "Oh what a happy man will he be that first makes a woman of you!" "I wish... that I were a man for your sake!" "For my part, I was transported, confused, and out of myself, feelings so new were too much for me." "My heated and alarmed senses were in a tumult that robbed me of all liberty of thought." "No!" "You must not, my sweet girl, think to hide all these treasures from my sight." "My sight must be feasted as well as my touch. I must devour with my eyes this springing bosom." "Suffer me to kiss it." "I have not seen enough." "I must kiss it one more time." "Oh, you wicked, wicked girl." "Well right, just a little peek." "Oh!" "Smooth firm white flesh is here." "How delicately shaped." "And this delicious down." "Oh let me view this small dear tender cleft." "This is too much." "I cannot bear it, I must, I must..." "A day or two later Mrs. Brown had a visitor." "A certain rich merchant called upon her in connection with, I was to learn later, a valuable item of merchandise which Mrs. Brown had for sale." "Mr. Orofts, ma'am." " Yeah, I got your note." "Mrs. Brown, yes." "How do I know she's really a virgin?" "They're rare enough these days." "That's why they're so expensive, Mr. Orofts." "Oome to the point, Mrs. Brown." "How much?" " Fifty guineas, well for a start, then a hundred when you've mounted her." "150 guineas?" "You 're out of your mind." " You haven't seen her yet, Mr. Orofts." "Oh, I can't believe it's really me!" "Thank you, Phoebe." " lt's Mrs. Brown you have to thank." "Mrs. Brown wants you in the parlour." " l'd like to show her how grateful I am." "That won't be difficult." "She wants you to meet her cousin, Mr. Orofts." "A handsome gentleman, rich and mature like a good port wine." "I'm a busy man, Mrs. Brown. I'm due on the Exchange and I'm already late." "When a lady's getting dressed, Mr. Orofts, she should never be rushed." "Now when she's getting undressed that's a different matter." "Here we are, ma'am." " Phoebe dear, how pretty she looks." "Fanny, I want you to meet Mr. Orofts." "So you're young Fanny, eh?" "Turn around my dear." "Excellent, excellent." "That little business matter we were discussing." "I see no reason why the transaction should not go ahead." " Thank you." "The delivery of the goods right away." " l think it would be wisest for me to make sure the goods are in order before we set a delivery date." "But it must be today, Mrs. Brown." "I insist the... the goods might get damaged if they're around too long." "Very well, today it is then." "Shall we say seven o'clock?" " Done. I'll be back, Fanny dear, never fear." "Hm." "Seven o'clock, I'll be there." "Didn't I tell you he's a fine, gentleman." " Oh, he's old and ugly." "Nonsense, Fanny dear." "He has a heart of gold." "And he means to put it in the right place." " Yes, well, run along, Fanny dear, and get a little rest, and, Fanny dear, remember this." "If you've never swum before, it's the best to dive into deep water, that way you'll learn to swim." "Mrs. Brown and Phoebe spent the day extolling the virtues of Mr. Orofts." "When he arrived promptly on time, they told me they both had a rendezvous in another part of town, and left me alone to his tender mercies." "Mr. Orofts wasted no time on preliminaries, but went into action upon me without delay." "Oome here and I'll show you." "Oome here." "Oh, oh." "Get out of it!" "Oome on then." "Oome on, I'll show you." "Oome on I paid good money for you." "Right I'll get you!" " No, no." "Had enough!" "Had enough!" "Had enough!" "Had enough!" "Fanny dear, are you all right?" "Oh, oh, damn little whore." "Oh!" "A virgin, eh?" "A likely story!" "Hm, some country cherry picker took it long ago, I'll be bound." "I'll get back my money from your Mrs. Brown or I'll take her to court for every penny she's got!" "You mark my words." "Oh deary me!" "Mrs. Brown, with the profit of fifty guineas in her pocket, was already busy again on my behalf." "She had made arrangements to dispose of for a second time, that commodity on which Mr. Orofts had already made a down payment." "My prized and much discussed possession had now been reserved by her for a certain member of the aristocracy, who was expected back in town in less then a fortnight." "Fanny." "Oome here." "We have to be quiet." "One night, Phoebe took the opportunity of continuing my education in secret." "Oome over here." "Look at this." "See what they are doing!" "Oome here." "Oome on." " What?" "Wait." "Look at this!" "Fanny, come here." "Just take a look!" "Fanny, come here." "Excited and aroused by what I had observed the night before I woke to a feeling of anticipation." "What is the time?" " Oh, it's just past six o'clock sir." "Oh my God!" "I've been asleep half the night!" "I drank too much and fell asleep." "Why didn't I see you last night?" "I was upstairs asleep." " Alone?" "Yes." " You sleep here, and yet you don't work here." "What are you smiling at?" "You look so surprised." " l am." "You don't look the kind of girl I'd expect to find in a place like this." "What kind of girl do you take me for?" "A sweet and beautiful girl who I'd very much like to kiss." "May I?" "When Oharles, for that was the young man's name, had left, I went back to bed." "But sleep eluded me." "I could not get him out of my mind." "Who is it?" "It's me, Martha." "A gentleman gave me this letter for you." "You mustn't let Mrs. Brown know." "It's against the rules." "Oh, heavens!" " What... what's the matter?" "Oh, nothing." "Thank you for bringing the letter, Martha." "I shan't forget you." " Why should you forget me?" "We're here under the same roof, aren't we?" " Oh, yes of course." "Goodbye, Martha." " Goodbye?" "Oh, I see." "Goodbye, Fanny." "I shan't forget you either." "At first light the following morning, I crept downstairs." "Unlocked the front door and fled the house of Mrs. Brown." "Oome, make haste, my dear." "We must be away with all speed." "On you go, my man." "We drove some miles to an inn, where Oharles had arranged for us to be together." "For the first time I was to lie in the arms of a man." "I had seen so much but knew so little." "I prayed that Oharles would understand and be gentle." "Did I hurt you?" " A little, but no matter." "You weren't a..." " l was." "Now I feel guilty." " Oh no, it was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me." " My dearest Fanny." "I suspected something of your innocence but never this." "Let me look at you!" "Do you approve?" " Does a man who has won a lottery complain of his good fortune?" "As time past, I learnt more about the young man who was my lover." "His father was a rich ship owner who had little sympathy or love for his son, and gave him but a pittance to live on." "Satisfied?" " Hm." "The prize I desire most." "Now I am yours, and so I shall remain." " Forever?" "Forever." "But before completing the arrangement with regard to our future together," "Oharles decided that there was some unfinished business to be cleared up." "Having learned of my unfortunate experiences at the hands of Mrs. Brown, he sought the advice of his grandmother's lawyer, a clever bird by the name of Mr. Widdlecombe." "Mrs. Brown to see you, sir." "Oh ma'am, Mrs. Brown, how very delightful to see you." "What an amazing ensemble." "Oh, but please come in." "Eh, pray be seated, would you?" "Oh, Mrs. Brown, I am so very pleased to see that you are wise enough to accept my invitation to pay me a visit." " lt wasn't so much an invitation, the gentleman who delivered your message made it very clear if I didn't come to you, the Bailiffs might come for me." " l'm afraid my clerk can be very tactless." " However I dare say you go the general drift of the affair." "My client, you see, has contacted me about a very private and personal matter regarding you and your establishment, Mrs. Brown." " To be sure, most matters conducted in my house are personal and usually extremely private, as you ought to know." "Tell me, does the name Hill mean anything to you?" "Why of course." "There's Ludgate Hill, and Highgate Hill, and Tower Hill, oh, I know a lot of hills." "And how about Fanny Hill?" "That does seem a little familiar." "Thought I can't quite call it to mind." "is it a small hill or a big hill?" "Oh, it's a comparatively small hill, but it could represent quite a large problem for you, Mrs. Brown." "Oh, oh yes, of course, now I remember." "Yes, Fanny Hill, she absconded from my house with a fine lace gown, isn't that the truth, Martha?" "Oh, I cannot tell a lie, sir, it was linen not lace." "Linen or lace, it's of no account." "She ran away." "Ran away from what, may I ask?" "Very well, you don't have to bother to answer." "I shall tell you." "She ran away from an importuning member of the opposite sex." "In short she ran away from a man to whom you, Mrs. Brown, had sold her virtue." "You see there are a dozen cases we may prefer against you." "It was all written down here in this book." "The Old Bailey, Mrs. Brown, is packed to the rafters every session with a hundred felons who are charged and convicted of a quarter of the crimes we might lay at your feet, and do you know their punishment," "Mrs. Brown?" "Hanging, flogging, transporting, take your choice, I would suggest that the pillory is the best you can hope for in your future." "Oh, please sir, have pity on a poor old woman who is only trying to make a living as best as she can." "Oh, please have mercy on the old bird." "She only supplies young chicken to the gentry." " Get up, Mrs. Brown." "I'm sure if you approach Mr. Widdlecombe in the right way you can make amends." "Oh, do get up, Mrs. Brow, you look so ridiculous like that." "Yes, anything, sir." "Anything you say." "Just name it." "The name, ma'am, is restitution." " Oh, yes sir." "Restitution." "You see it is the question of I'argent." "The money." " Money?" "What money?" " The money ma'am you demanded and received for her virtue." " A mere trifle." "Quite a large trifle I would suggest." "Forty." " Eh, fifty." "Shillings." " Guineas." "Pounds." " Send without delay." "Wait a minute." "Fifty guineas it is." "And damn the both of you." "A double damn young Fanny." "And good riddance to bad rubbish." "This is all your fault, you know that don't you?" "Thus with the dowry provided however unwillingly by Mrs. Brown," "Oharles and I set up house." "At last, after my journeys and adventures, I felt I had reached a safe haven." "I quickly settled down to a life of domestic bliss." "Oharles still had to spend much of his time away from me, but at least three nights at week we dined and slept together." "My whole existence was built around those nights, and I went through agonies of worry and suspense until at last he arrived." "So the days became weeks, and the weeks turned into months." "My happy existence was made even happier by the knowledge that I was with child." "Oharles shared my joy, and although his father's attitude towards him had become even harsher." "We still hoped that one day the fates would permit us to marry." "If there was a single serpent in our garden of Eden, it was Mrs. Jones, the lady from whom we rented our little abode." "Oh, Miss Fanny, I want a word with you." " Mrs. Jones, is anything the matter?" "Oh, yes." "Three months gone unless I'm very much mistaken." "No, you're not mistaken, but why should it worry you if it does not worry me?" "Because I rented this place out to two people, not three!" "I know nothing of the money matters." "You'll have to speak to Mr. Oharles." "Speak to him I shall." "When's he coming?" " Tonight, Mrs. Jones." "He'll be here in my arms." "I waited for him in vain." "It was the ever-inquisitive Mrs. Jones who went to his father's office to make discreet enquiries." "The truth was nearly as terrible as I feared." "His father has heard of our liaison and had, without mercy, decided to put a stop to the affair." "Lured aboard one of his father's ships on a false pretext, he had literally been kidnapped, and was now on his way to the Indies." "Poor Oharles had been helpless." "Not even able to send me a message of farewell." "I miscarried and the loss of my child, all I had to remind me of Oharles, made me ready to welcome my own demise." "No." "For days I lay close to death." "But my resistance triumphed over my misfortunes, and finally I began to once again" "take stock of my affairs." "I was not the only person to be concerned with such matters." "I must ask you first to settle our little account," "including the rent outstanding, food, medicine, the nurse, etc. etc." "It all comes to a grand total of twenty three pounds, seventeen shillings and six pence." "And when am I likely to see the colour of your money, Miss Hill?" "A debt is a debt and the law is the law." "I certainly have no desire to send such a tender young creature as you to prison." " Prison?" "Newgate, so I'm told." "That's where they stay sometimes for months, even years, until their debts are paid." "Of course... there might be a way to avoid all this unpleasantness." "It so happens that I do have acquaintance of a certain gentleman who might be disposed to help you overcome your problems." " Do I know this gentleman?" "No, no, not yet, but, if you are so desired he could take tea with you this very day." " Oh!" "Oh, now then come on, Miss Fanny, hold your head up do." "Don't let sorrow spoil that pretty face." "Now then, Fanny, this kind gentleman, who prefers to be known as Mr. H., has generously consented to settle your indebtedness." "He looks to you now to show your gratitude." " l am indeed grateful." "Now, no nonsense, Fanny, and make sure and give satisfaction. I hope, Mr. H., you will have no cause for complaint." " l've had none in the past, Mrs. Jones." "And I hope this young filly will prove a well spirited and satisfying mount." "If I'm content, I may well provide her with a new stable and a good reliable source of oats." " Now then take heed, Fanny." "Mr. H. is a hunting man, and is quite accustomed to the chase." "Serve him well over the fences and he'll warm you to the chase." "Goodnight ,Fanny." "I'll see you in the morning." "In good health, I hope." " Yes, thank you very much, Mrs. Jones." "Goodnight, sir." " Here we are." "Not at all, Mrs. Jones." "Goodnight." "Well, tallyho." "Please, sir, be gentle with me." "I have known but one man and loved him dearly." " A filly's a filly, young lady." "Well, it's hot in there." "Warm work ahead." "Best suit our dress to the occasion." "Well, look sharp, young lady, at the gallop." "Tantivy, tantivy." "A hunting." "Oh!" "Oh, hey, oh!" "A hunting." "I slept little last night." "After the loving consideration of Oharles, the brutalities of Mr. H. were a savage contrast, and yet I must admit, that I found unexpected excitement and stimulation in his attentions." "When he offered me the chance of becoming his mistress, I accepted." "And soon rid myself of the unpleasant Mrs. Jones, who received not only the monies I owed her but also a substantial gift from Mr. H.!" "I changed my abode in some style, and was soon installed in a handsome cottage in Richmond." "I also acquired as a servant a young and willing country girl." "Hannah by name." "What a fine new dress, Miss Fanny." " Yes, the price has been fairly earned." "I'd like a glass of wine." "Yes, ma'am." "Good-day." " Good-day." "And how do you like my new dress?" " You know the dress in which I like you best." " Deary me." "Oh, oh, oh, enough!" "Just the way you like it, my lord." "Oh, so far a damsel could be so cruel!" " Now you know how it is." "Rosemary!" "My favourite jumper." "No fence too high for her." "Another beauty, eh?" "Angélique." "Oouldn't wish for a better girl in the chase." "Present company excepted!" " lt appeared that Mr. H.'s preference for the ladies extended also to his stable. I soon discovered that Mr. H. as usual intended to combine a little pleasure with some business." "I made a mental note that Mr. H. had at least one young, but promising stallion in his stables." "Among the gifts I received from Mr. H. was appropriately a fine gelding, and I developed my skill as a rider," "as opposed to being ridden." "Whoa!" "On one occasion, however, a distant thunder storm threatened to turn to rain." "And I galloped home to arrive much earlier than expected." "Thank you, William." " Thank you, ma'am." "It seemed that Hannah believed in going into service in every way." "I was not amused at this development, but resolved to put the best face upon the whole affair." "William, my horse." " Oh yes, ma'am." "My closer observation of young William impressed me with the thought that I might derive some amusement repaying Mr. H. for his duplicity, and possibly adding to my own store of pleasure." "Despite William's youth I felt his rough clothes might conceal the makings and substance of a considerable man." "Oome in." " lt's William, Miss Fanny." "He has a message for you." " Show him in, Hannah." "William." " Ma'am." "Hannah, you may go." " Yes, Miss Fanny." "Oome, give me the message, William." " lt's not in writing, Miss Fanny." "Master said to tell you he cannot join you this day." "He'll probably see you tomorrow at two." " What a pity. I shall be all alone for the rest of the day." "Why, William, I do declare you're shy." "I'm not used to seeing a lady like you, Miss Fanny, without her clothes." "There's nothing about our bodies of which we need be ashamed." "And if you are worried about my lack of attire, why don't we loosen your bounds?" " Now, what be you doing, ma'am?" "Lessening your unease freeing you from your delightful shyness." "Ma'am!" "Oh, Miss Fanny, what be you doing?" "What... what be you doing?" "It's all right." "I could scarce believe what I observed that a house so newly built could be so tall, and even as I looked the house grew bigger and bigger still." "Miss Fanny!" "Oh!" "Oh, oh." "Ma'am, what be you doing?" "Will you be requiring anything more of me today, Miss Fanny?" "Thank you, no, William." "Best you tell Mr. H. I am somewhat indisposed." "And William!" "Yes, Miss Fanny?" " Please bring round my horse tomorrow, if I am sufficiently recovered." "I may go riding." "Yes, Miss Fanny." " l may require you not to accompany me." "Oh yes, Miss Fanny." "Tell me, Mistress Fanny, where did you learn so much about the art of love?" "By being in love." " With whom?" "A man I fear I may never see again." "I loved him so much." " Well, if you loved him so much, why did you leave him?" " l never did." "He was taken from me." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Please, Miss Fanny." "I wouldn't have asked you that question if I had know it'd distress you so much." "Don't cry." "is that better?" "That's nice." "Gently." "A little bit lower." "Right here." "Gently, I said." "Here, like this." "And so young William's education proceeded to our mutual satisfaction." "Unfortunately my enjoyment of the whole affair made me increasingly careless and one day I forgot to lock the door." " So this tale is true that has come to my ears." "You strumpet!" "Get out of bed!" "You, lad, get your clothes on!" "As for you, young lady, the rent here is paid to the end of the month." "Though I doubt not you will quickly find yourself a new mount!" "I wish you well in your stable." "You must be accustomed to the smell of dung!" "Out, boy!" "Out!" "Out!" "When I say out, I mean out!" "Oh, no!" "no!" "Oh, no!" "Once again the time had come for me to chance my abode." "And I resolved to make a change for the better." "Martha!" "Fanny!" "What are you doing here?" " l'm looking for a place to stay." "Then you must come and stay with us." " Not with Mrs. Brown!" "Oh no, I left that old bag a year since." "I'm working for a new establishment now in Oovent Garden." " Establishment?" "Millinery's our line of trade." "Hats that is." "And other little things." "There are three girls and myself." "We could certainly use a fifth." " And those other little things?" "You can probably guess what 5 young ladies with some imagination might provide!" "Provide for whom?" " For those with a long enough purse to stretch our imagination!" "Mrs. Oole was a lady of considerable elegance who had achieved a great deal of success with a novel variation on an old line of trade." "Phoebe had joined Martha in Miss Oole's establishment." " Girls, girls, now that you've all met Martha's little friend Fanny, she is properly welcomed to our little family." "Fanny?" "I've arranged a celebration in your honour tonight." "It's a little entertainment that I introduced into the Oolonies." "Of course they didn't appreciate it there." "You see each young lady invites her own special cavalier, and I have taken the liberty of inviting a handsome and able young man for you." "So tonight we celebrate the ascent of pleasure!" "Ohildren, children, it's getting late, and I must leave you to your sport." "Sport for your eyes alone." "Now girls you must help Fanny celebrate her initiation." "Oh, would that it were me!" "Maestro, blindfolds for you." "Wonderful, lovely." "Oh, yes!" "Oh!" "My goodness!" "Isn't she lovely?" "Oh!" "The brazen manner in which Phoebe and the others demonstrated their experience in the field of amour seemed to make my own ordeal more frightening." "I feared I might make a fool of myself before my new friends." "Oh well, thank heavens all the young men have come and gone, so to speak." "Here, Harriet, look up and get me a little drink." "Oh, Fanny dear, now tell me, how did you enjoy the evening?" "Oh, yes, thank you, Mrs. Oole." "The young gentleman was considerably to my liking." " Oh, that's so nice, but dear, if you'll benefit from my experience which is considerable, you'll realise that mixing business with pleasure is convenient but it is not essential and if it becomes habitual it can be very dangerous." "Do you know what I mean?" " Oh yes, ma'am. I do." "And so from now on, dear, I will take care of the business and you will concentrate on the pleasure." "One of the advantages of Mrs. Oole's more legitimate trade was that it gave both an excuse and a method for her providing her more profitable goods." "For instance, should a gentleman wish to arrange for delivery off the premises as it were of a piece of desirable merchandise, he could discreetly make his requirements in the language of her other professional activity." "In short, he could order a hat." "Girls, I have another order from that nice Mr. Norbert." "It seems he's in urgent need of another chapeau." "No doubt a surprise for his wife." "He wants something in a brand new design." "A pink with blonde trimmings." "Size seventeen preferred." "Fanny, I think this is a job for you." "Yes, I'm sure, darling, you can deliver the goods." "Mr. Norbert, whose profession lay in the law, believed in the letter of the law." "The hat I had brought was for his wife who would also receive the bill." "I made the delivery promptly, and in what appeared to be a very satisfactory manner." "As for Mr. Norbert's other requirements, these I was obliged to deliver both by hand an word of mouth." "More?" " Yes." "More, more." "There." " A letter for you, Mrs. Oole." "What have we here?" "Oh, let me see, there are two young gentlemen who are desirous of some pleasant company this evening for a ball." "A fancy dress ball." "Phoebe, I do believe you know one of them." "Now who shall I send as your companion?" " Oh, Mrs. Oole, can Fanny come with me?" " Oh yes, please." "But what have I got for them to wear?" " Oh, what about that lovely shepherdess dress?" "It will fit you perfectly." "Oh yes Phoebe that will do you nicely." "What for Fanny?" "Oh, oh, what about the matching shepherd outfit?" "You'll make a charming boy in breeches and a shirt." "You're a girl!" " What did you expect?" "I thought you were a boy of course!" "You deceitful little hussy." "Some weeks later whilst taking the night air in Oovent Garden, I did unbeknownst to myself cause some excitement." "Footman, follow that girl." " The individual concerned would in due course have considerable effect upon my future." "Good afternoon, sir." "Oh, and what may I do for you, sir?" "Mrs. Oole, how kind of you to see me." "You must forgive me, but I happened to see a female, that is a member of the opposite sex, enter this establishment just a few minutes ago." "Most attractive she was." "Would you by any chance be acquainted with her name, I wonder?" " l think, sir, that you are referring to Miss Fanny Hill." " Oh then you must be acquainted with her." "Oh, certainly." "She is a virtuous and lovely young lady who does reside here." "And tell me what is your interest in her?" "Nothing that won't improve her present situation, I assure you." "Tell me, kind sir, what is it that you know of her present situation?" "Simply, madam, when I see a pretty young girl entering such an establishment as this..." " Well, sir, you are wrong." "The young lady you are referring to is my very own niece," "Miss Fanny Hill." "She is a very respectable young lady as free from vice or even the suspicion of vice as the angels in heaven." "She wouldn't be by any chance, ma'am, in what I understand is known as a virginal condition?" " Sir, as God is my judge, she is as yet completely surrounded by young females." " How soon can I meet this paragon of virtue, eh?" " Well, if you will join us here tomorrow at 7, and if your intentions are honourable and substantial, I will do everything I can to advance your suit." " Thank you." "See to that, please." "I am much enamoured of Miss Hill." "And if she is as virtuous as you declare, I'll tell you something about myself." "I am a bachelor of some substance, although I say it myself." "One might say I'm a good match, waiting only to be struck." "Goodbye, goodbye." "Good day, madam." "Thank you very much indeed." "I shall see you tomorrow." "Yes indeed, I look forward to that." "Thank you, my dear." " Girls see this gentleman out." "A good match?" "That old faggot couldn't even set a light to a bale of hay!" "He's as much of a Romeo as Fanny's a virgin!" "What you don't know about Mr. Barville, and I'm sure that is his name, is that he's as rich... as to own half of Threadneedle Street." "Well, I only hope he's as blind as he's rich." "How Mrs. Oole are you going to convince him that Fanny's a virgin?" " Dears that by business, and my talents." "Edward, my dear Edward." "What an unexpected pleasure." "Oh forgive the intrusion." "I didn't realise that you had a previous appointment." " An inconsequential affair." "How good to see you." " l cannot believe that the affair is that inconsequential since it requires such an elaborate toilet, my dear friend." "Follow me. I've got something I don't know whether I should tell you." "Oh, of course, can't keep secrets from old friends." "Do you know what has happened to me?" "I am preparing myself for what they call an event." " An event?" "What sort of an event may I ask?" " The consummation of a passionate attachment I have formed with a beautiful young female." "Are we not being a trifle optimistic, dear fellow?" "Oh no, everything has been arranged." " Well in experiences of this nature it is my personal experience that it is the man who proposes and anno domini who disposes." "Are you sure that you're up to it?" " Never felt better in my life, I tell you." "If only you could see her, Edward." "Oh, so young, so innocent, so pure." " So very, very optimistic." "Well, I do wish you sincerely the very best of luck, dear friend." "Where are you?" "There you are." "Nice to see you." "Are you warm enough?" " Yes, Mr. Barville." "Good." "Don't want anything to read or anything like that?" "Want a drink?" " No, thank you." "Good." "This is a surprise for you?" "Yes, sir." " So it is for me, I tell you." "What a bit of luck." "Bless your heart." "You're prettier undressed, you know." "Lovely girl." "I should have brought that bottle of champagne up." "Didn't finish it, did we?" "Want me to get out of bed and get it?" " No." "Manage without it?" "I bet you can." "Give us a kiss." "Bless your heart." "You've never done this before." "You haven't?" "No." " Well, don't tell me a lie." "No." " Well, don't do it again." "Oh, you devil, you..." "Oh!" "Oh dear, oh!" "Girls, careful." "Oareful." "Girls, carefully." "He comes from an very important family." "Think of the family jewels!" "Oh, Fanny, Fanny, sit down." "I hear, I understand, that Mr. Barville takes interest in you." " Oh yes, Mrs. Oole." "He has had me over to his house nearly every night." " l know." "He's really like a father to me." " l hope you remember my advice about not mixing business with pleasure." " He looks after me very nicely." "Oh, I'm sure but, dear, if you play your cards right, he'll look after you even better!" "I'll manage." " No, dear, you'll do the daughtering, and I'll manage." " Yes, Mrs. Oole." "I know what you're going to say." "There's no fool like an old fool." "Oh." "That's quite wrong." "I have known a lot of young men that are far sillier than you, sir." "However, if it agrees with your taste and your palate, who am I to say that you are right or wrong?" " l've already made up my mind, Edward." "I'm entitled to a little bliss at my time of life, aren't I?" "The young lady will be kept in the best of comforts." "She will, when I choose, attend me at my house." "In due course I may decide to make some sort of permanent settlement upon her." "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear." "Oh, I must have nodded off." "Sorry." " Shall I read you some more?" "No." "Not just now, thank you." " ls there anything I can do?" "No, I might have another little snooze if you don't mind." "Oh then you'll be wanting to go to bed." " No, no, no." "Not tonight, Fanny darling." " Why?" "What is the matter?" "Oh, nothing's the matter with you, my darling." "Perhaps there is with me." "You know a man can pretend many things to many people, but there are times when it's better for him to learn to tell the truth to himself." "I don't suppose you know what I'm talking about, but I'm going to have a little snooze all alone." " Very well." "But I don't mind you know." " No, I don't mind you know." "Thank you, Fanny." "Thank you, my darling." "Run along." "You can run along now." "Probably send for you tomorrow." "Goodnight, Fanny." " Goodnight, John." "God bless you, Fanny, thank you." "God bless you." "Goodnight to you." "But the message which came later that night was of a different kind." "Goodbye, John." "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost." "Amen." "He was such a good provider." " l know." "We will never get so much for so little again." "After the funeral I was summoned to the home of Mr. Barville for the last time." "Ah." "Oh, do come in." "Pray be seated would you, please?" " Ah, Mr. Widdlecombe." "Ah you must be the young lady's aunt." " Yes." "So you must be the young lady." "Oh well, that depends on which young lady you wish." "I wish and I'm looking for, madam, the young lady to whom this document refers." " Document?" "What's that?" " That it is a will, the last will and testament of the late Mr. Barville." "It is my solemn duty to read it to you." " Will it take long?" "No, not very long." "Just as long as it takes me to inform you that he has left you his entire fortune." "What?" " His entire fortune, ma'am." "His house in the country, his London house here." "His estates in Ireland, his stocks and bonds." "And over 50.000 pounds in cash." "Did you say 50.000 pounds cash?" " l did, indeed, ma'am." "You mean, he left it all to me?" " Every penny." "I could not help but I remember, as I started my journey North in a great style how but a while ago I had first travelled to London, and the adventures that had befallen me." "We made a leisurely progress, and stopped by chance at a convenient inn to spend the night." "As so often in my life, fate had once again taken a hand in the game." "Good evening my lady." "Jonathan Berwick, your host." "What is your pleasure, ma'am?" "Rooms for the night, sir." " Oh, my best room is at your disposal, my lady." " And sleeping accommodation and supper for my servants?" "Have you any other guests?" "We have but you will not be disturbed." " l shall be leaving early in the morning." "I shall have horses ready at 6." " Splendid." "Show me my room." "Landlord!" "Landlord!" "Open up there!" "A lodging for the night!" " l knew that voice." "It was the voice I had dreamt about for all the lonely months since he went away." "Oharles." "Landlord!" "Landlord a bed for the night!" "Landlord!" "Landlord!" "Fanny!" " Oharles!" "Oh, my love, I've found you at last!" "Your ladyship, your ladyship!" "is this man disturbing you?" "Very much, indeed." "Goodnight, Landlord." "We shall not be leaving early in the morning." "After many adventures and privations, Oharles had returned from the Indies but a week ago to learn that his father had died a bankrupt, through various misfortunes." "His grandmother has passed away leaving" "Oharles almost pennyless." "Finding no trace of me in London, he had travelled North with no success, and was on his way back to London to take a ship to America when chance brought him to my door." "I was able to acquaint him with my own good fortune, and of how I had wealth enough to keep us both in comfort till the end of our days." "Everything was to your satisfaction?" " Oh yes, it was indeed." "Sir?" "Yes, memorable sir, memorable." "Thank you, sir." "Right, Peg, my girl." "I know what we're going to do." "Oh, you are a devil, you never get enough, do you?" "Thus at length l got snug into port." "Looking back on the course of vice I had run, I could not help pitying those who are insensitive to the delicate charms of virtue."