"What do you want?" " Can I use the bathroom here?" " I can't let you back in here." "This is the discharge gate." "There's the last bus into town tonight." "You better get on it." "Excuse me." "You know where the bathroom is?" "Yeah, it's down there." "The bathroom's closed, sir." "It's closed!" "Thanks." "Excuse me, miss?" " Do you know where there's a bathroom?" " It's back there." "That's closed." "Do you know another bathroom?" "There's one in the restaurant, up there." " Okay, thanks." "Thank you." " Down there." "Fuck, man." "Restaurant is closed." " Restaurant is closed." " Can I use the bathroom?" "Bathroom is closed, too." "I said, the restaurant is closed." " What the fuck you lookin' at?" " Nothin'." "You get your fuckin' face outta my pants." " Relax!" "Don't tell me to relax." "Don't tell me to fuckin' relax!" "Just keep your face outta my pants." " Just so big!" " What the fuck did you say?" "What the fuck did you say?" "What did you say to me, you faggot?" "Get the fuck outta the bathroom." "Get the fuck outta the bathroom, faggot!" "Damn it!" "I can't piss." "That fuck, fag." "Fuck!" "I'll kill that fucker!" "Fuckin' faggot!" "Faggots!" " Watch your mouth." " What?" "What?" "Why don't you watch your mouth?" "Smart-ass!" " Hey, miss." "Miss!" " What?" " You got a quarter I can borrow?" " Yes." " Can I borrow it?" " Yeah." "Can I borrow it now?" " Don't you say, "Thanks"?" " What?" " Don't you say, "Thank you"?" " What?" "Hello, Ma?" "It's me." "It's Billy." "Billy." "Billy, your son!" "Turn down the TV, Ma." "Turn down the television!" "It's Billy." "I told you we were gonna be in town for one day, right?" "Well, we're in town." "We just flew in." "We're at the fancy hotel, Ma." "I told you we were staying downtown." "Yes." "The big hotel." "Right." "Yeah, I have a big room." "Yes, it's beautiful here." "Yes, it's clean, Ma." "It's a very expensive hotel, okay?" "No, don't come here, Ma." "Don't come here." "I told you I wanna go there." "I wanna see the old neighborhood." "I wanna come now." "What time is the game over, Ma?" "Fine." "I'll come at 5:00." "No, Ma." "She's not coming." "She's sick." "I don't know, Ma." "People get sick." "I don't know why she's sick." "She's sick." "Every time we fly on planes, she gets sick." "I don't know why." "She doesn't like flying." "Plus, we sit in first class." "They bring you a lot of food, and she always gets stomach cramps." "I don't know." "I ca..." "She's sleeping, Ma." "I'm in the lobby of the hotel." "She's sleeping upstairs." "I'm not gonna wake her up." "Did you hear what I said?" "Did you hear what I said?" "What did I say?" "What did I say?" "She's sick!" "Fine, Ma." "You want me to wake her up?" "You want me to go upstairs and wake her up?" "You know, you're unbelievable." "Then how you gonna feel when she comes over sick?" "How you gonna feel then, when you see how sick she is?" "No, I'm gonna bring her." "I'm gonna drag her outta bed, and I'm gonna bring her." "So you can see her." "Fine." "We're coming over." "We're coming over." "I said I'm bringing her." "Yes." "Fine." "Okay?" "Good-bye." "Excuse me, miss?" "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!" "Shut up, shut up." "Don't you scream, or I'll take a bite outta your face." "All right?" "Shut your mouth." "Shut your mouth." "Shut your mouth." "Shut your mouth." "Shut your mouth." "Come on." "Come on." "Shut your mouth, and you'll be okay." "Point your car out." "Give me your fuckin' purse." "Just shut up." "Shut up!" "You're hurting me." " Yeah?" "Shut your mouth, or I'll really hurt you." "Wanna really get hurt?" "Get in the car." "Get in." "Hurry up!" "Get in the car." "How do I get this thing back?" " Point to the thing!" " It's right there." "All right." "I can't see out the window." "Give me something to wipe the window with." "Give me something to wipe the window with!" "Okay, no, you go out." "You clean it." "Get outta the car and clean this window." "Don't you ever clean your window?" "Do you ever think about cleaning your car?" "I don't got all day." "Hurry up!" "See how you wash your car?" "You see how nice, when a car's clean?" "Come here." "Is that how your house is, filthy like that?" "You see how nice the car is when it's clean?" "Now you can see." "That's good." "That's good." "Get in your car." "Come on." "Hurry up." " You're hurting me." " Hurry up!" " Stop!" "You shut your mouth!" "Shut your mouth." "Filthy." "Filthy." "All right." "Where's the thing on this car?" "How do you put it in gear?" "Where's the thing?" " It's right here." "What is this?" "Is this a shifter car?" "I cannot drive a shifter car." "So we got a little situation here." "I can't drive these kinda cars." "What the fuck is goin' on?" "You think that's funny?" "Would you like to know, smart-ass?" "Would you like to know why I can't drive this kinda car?" "I'm used to luxury cars." "Have you ever heard of a luxury car?" "Ever heard of Cadillac, Cadillac Eldorado?" "That's what I drive." "I drive cars that shift themselves." "My cars shift themselves." "The luxury cars, they shift themselves." "So when I say, "Three", you follow my count." "You come around to my door, got me?" "One, two, three." "What'd I just say?" "One, two, three." "Get outta the car." "Get outta the car." "I'm watching you." "I'm watching you." "I'm watching you, and don't make that face." "Don't make that face." "Hurry up!" "Now, pull away." "Go this way." "Go this way!" "This way!" "I want you to pull over up there." " Where?" "Pull over here!" "Right here." "That's it." "That's good." "That's it." "Beautiful." "Put the car in park, all right?" "I'm gonna step outta the car for one minute." "Put your hands on the dashboard." "Hold them like that." "Don't let me see you move one finger." "Not one twitch or I'll come back." "I'll choke you to death." "I'll take a bite outta your cheek, and I'll shit you out." "So just hold your hands like that." "You understand me?" "Nod your head if you understand." "You understand?" "Yes." "Yes." "You understand." "All right." "Stay right there." "Don't look." "Who told you to look?" "Take your hands off the dash." "You're makin' me nervous." "First thing." "Right off the bat." "I'd like to apologize." "All right?" "I'm gonna apologize." "I've had to go to the bathroom for hours." "I've been backed up." "Totally backed up." "Anyway, I swear to God, I didn't mean to scare you." "I'm sorry if I pulled your hair, all right?" "You okay?" "Good." "All right." "Now don't talk, all right?" "Please." "I need to ask you a favor." "I haven't seen my parents in a long time, right?" "'Cause I just got out of jail." "I was innocent." "Okay." "Before I went away, I made up a few lies." "I said I was married." "I also told them that I worked for the government... and that I would be away for a long time." "Now, what I need you to do, is I need you to come... to my parent's house with me, all right?" "And pretend to be my wife." "Acting, all right?" "Today's your big debut." "Your big break." "This is acting, all right?" "You're my wife." "So, that means you adore me, you love me, you cherish me." "Jesus Christ, you can't live without me." "Now, the story will go like this." "We met in high school, and... we were sweethearts, whatever." "You loved me." "You've been in love with me your whole life." "Your new name would be Wendy Balsam." "All right?" "Don't worry about the details." "I'll take over." "Just be nice." "When you get there, be a decent girl." "Be nice." "What's your name?" "What's your real name?" " Layla." " Layla." "No." "That's no good." "We'll stick with Wendy Balsam, okay?" "You're Wendy Balsam." "So, basically, what I'm asking you to do, is I'm asking you to come there... and make me look good, all right?" "If you make a fool outta me," "I swear to God, I'll kill you right there." "Boom." "Right in front of Mommy and Daddy." "I'll tell you something else." "If you make me look bad," "I will never, ever, talk to you again." "Ever." "But if you do a good job, well, then you could be my best friend." "My best friend that I've ever had." "Hear me?" "All right." "Let's keep driving." "All right?" "We're gonna go." "Keep driving." "What's your name?" "My name is Billy." "Billy Brown." "Just remember why you're there." "You're there to make me look good." "You hear me?" "You can eat all the food you want, but just make me look good." " Okay?" "Why are you there?" " To make you look good." "That's right." "To make me look good." " Then you can go home." " Okay." "Are your parents vegetarians?" "I hope so, 'cause I don't eat meat." "Ever." "Come on." "Come on." " Which house is it?" " It's there." "All right, all right!" "Goddamn it." " Honey, did you see that?" " Oh, man." "Did you see that?" "I can't believe it." "Are you okay?" "What'd I tell you?" "All right?" "Just make sure you behave right." "Come on." "Come on!" "What'd I tell you?" "Come on." " Don't start." " All right." "Just come on." " Do me this favor, all right?" " I will." "This is not nice, okay?" "Just be nice, okay?" "Be nice." "Say hello, really nice hellos." "My father likes when people say hello." " Okay." "Okay." "Hello, Mr. Brown." "Okay, please." "Okay." "Are you sure you're okay?" "I feel sick." "I feel like throwing up." " Would you hold me a second?" " Tackle him!" " Tackle him!" " Would you hold me?" " Tackle him!" " Don't touch me." " I can't believe you!" " Don't touch me." " You're so pathetic!" " Come on." "Come on." "Get off the street!" " Come on." "All right, all right!" "Get him!" "Run, run!" "You, you, you, you, you!" "Hey, Dad." "Jan, it's your son." "Who?" "I said, it's your son." "Oh, honey." "It's Billy." "Billy's here." "So, we're so happy to meet you, honey." "Billy's told us so much about you." "Oh, well, I've heard so much about both of you." "He's very proud of you two." "Do you think I could use your bathroom?" "Sure, honey." "Billy, go show her where the bathroom is." "It's down the hall." "Don't take a long time." "I have to go to the bathroom." "Just hurry up." "So, honey." "You look tired." "Are you sick?" "No, I'm not sick, Ma." "Why?" "Well, you just..." "look so tired." "I am a little tired." "I just flew on a plane." "Okay?" "All right, honey." "Don't get upset." " I'm not upset." " All right." " You want something to drink?" " Yeah." "All right." "What do you want to drink, honey?" "I'd like a glass of water, please." "Honey, you don't want some pop?" "You know I don't drink pop, Ma." "The bubbles bother my stomach." "Would you like some ginger ale, honey?" "I got some ginger ale." " That's good for the stomach." " Yeah." "Ginger ale is pop, Ma." "Ginger ale is pop." "I just said I don't want pop." "Can I please have a glass of water?" "Oh, how about I make you the juice?" "I got the frozen juice." "I just want a glass of water, please." "Okay?" "Just a glass of water." "That's all I want." " All right." " Okay?" "Thank you." "Oh, honey, I got those chocolate doughnuts you like." "You want one now?" "You think it'll spoil your appetite?" "It won't spoil my appetite, Ma." "I don't eat chocolate." "I'm allergic to it, remember?" "Honey, what are you talking about, you don't eat chocolate?" "You always ate chocolate." "That's great, Ma." "That's great." "You don't remember your own son." "Great." " Ma, my face is kind of itchy." " I'm allergic to chocolate." "When I eat chocolate, my face blows up." "Honey, what happened to your face?" "It's all swollen." "You better put some ice on that." "When I ate chocolate as a kid, you had to take me to the emergency room, because my face swelled up." "Honey, I don't know what you're talkin' about." "You always ate chocolate." "I didn't always eat chocolate, Ma." "I did not always eat chocolate, okay?" "I didn't eat chocolate!" "Can we talk about something else?" " All right." "Just calm down." " Fine." " Hi." " Hi, honey." "Wood can still go." "That has come on in the last few years." "He's one of the best." "First and ten, Buffalo." "Why don't you get her something to drink, Ma?" "All right." "You want something to drink, honey?" "Yeah, could you make me a rum and Coke?" "What, honey?" "I meant, could I have a ginger ale?" "Oh, sure, we got a ginger ale." "Hold on." "Come here, honey." "Let me hug my new little daughter." "Daddy loves you, you know that?" "Daddy really loves you." "His new, little, sweet, young daughter." "Sit down, honey." "I'm 28." "Oh, honey." "You look like a baby." " You look so young and pretty." " Thank you." "My son used to be a beautiful baby." "Oh, you should have seen him." "He was so beautiful." "Look at him now." "Oh, no." "I think Billy is the most handsome guy in the whole world." " Who, honey?" " Billy." "I think he's the most handsome man I've ever seen." " Billy, who?" " This Billy." "I can't stand it when he grows his hair long." "Mrs. Brown, could I see some pictures of Billy from when he was little?" "You wanna see pictures?" "Sure." "Honey, where's the Billy picture?" " I don't know." " You know." "The picture of Billy, honey." "I don't know where it is." "Wait a minute." "We got some pictures, here." "You don't want to forget how tough it was for Buffalo." "Here's a picture of me with Jack Kemp." "Here's O.J. Simpson." "Here's me with the Buffalo Bills' caterer." "Here's my husband." "Here's our wedding." "Honey, did you find it?" "Yeah, I found it." "Look at Billy." "He's so cute." "And the puppy." "That puppy's adorable." "Whose puppy is that?" "That was Billy's." "Bingo." "What happened to him?" "I don't know what happened to him." "He ran away." "Yeah, he ran away." "Such a cute puppy." "Billy!" "What did I tell you about this thing?" "Didn't I warn you 50 fucking times about this dog?" "Didn't I tell you if it peed in the house again, what I'd do?" " No, Daddy, please, no!" " Didn't I tell you what I'd do?" "No, Daddy, please!" "That's enough with the pictures." "I'm hungry." "Jan, would you hurry it up, please?" "Who's this handsome guy in this picture?" "That's me." "I was a singer." "That's me in a downtown nightclub with this band." "You know, Sinatra sang in that club." "He sang in that actual club." "Wow, you're a singer?" "Well, I was a singer." "Yeah." "Did you ever make any records?" " I mean, do you have any tapes?" " No, no, no." "Well, a few tapes, yeah." " Can I hear one?" " You wanna hear one of my tapes?" "All right." "As soon as we eat, I'll play you a tape." "Honey, it's gonna be 20 minutes before I'm done with dinner." "Why don't you play her the tapes now?" " You really want to hear this?" " Yes." "Okay." "Follow me." "Wood's kick is up, and, of course, it's good." "Now, these are some arrangements Nelson Riddle made... for Frank, you know, without Frank's voice, of course, so he could listen to them, see what he liked, what he didn't like." "I like to sing to them." "So, let me find the hole here." "I hope I can still get up there." "Well, that's enough of that shit." "Your voice is so beautiful." "Yeah, well." "Let's go and eat." " Can I hear one more?" " No, I'm hungry." "I'm shaking without dinner." "Let's go." " Please, just one more song." " No more!" "Okay?" "I'm sorry, honey." "Jesus Christ." "Listen, when we finish eating," "I'll look around, find a tape for you." "You take it home, play it anytime you want, okay?" "Okay. - 'Cause Daddy loves you, you know that." "I love you." "Let's go." "They have four linebackers, and the rest are defensive backs." "It'll make Buffalo think about keeping the ball in the air." "It's a challenge." "They're trying to say, if you're going to go anywhere, you're gonna have to throw it in the air." "Billy, you're right." "Your father does have the most beautiful voice." "Careful, everybody." "It's very hot." "Hope you like tripe." "Oh, actually, I don't know what that is." "Well, the Italians call it trippa." "It's the intestines of the cow, and it's very good for you." "It's terrific." "Isn't that what you said was your favorite food?" " Go ahead, honey." " Go ahead." " Tell me what you think." " Go ahead, Wendy." "Take a big bite." "Go ahead." "Take a big, bigger bite." " That a girl." " There you go." "Bring more, Ma." "She's going to eat a lot." "I sense it." "Well, everybody gets the same." "Turn that knife away from me, please." "Why are you pointing that knife at me?" "That why you came, to stab me with that knife?" "Will you turn it away from me, please?" " Honey, calm down." " Turn it away, please!" "What, what?" "The knife is not pointed at you!" " It's pointed at me!" " Honey!" "Don't tell me you didn't point the knife at me." " I did not." "Don't point a knife at a person unless you wanna use it!" "I didn't point the knife at you!" "It was here!" " On the table, like that!" " It was not here!" "Point it over here." "Over here." " Fine." "Fine." "Honey, calm down, all right?" "I am calm." " All right." "She's talking, all right?" " Did you see what your son did?" " I didn't do nothin'." " He pointed a knife at his father." " Yeah, yeah." "I pointed it at you." "It's always at you, Dad." " Honey, honey." " You want some more tripe, honey?" " No, I don't want tripe." "You want to get me tripe?" "Get me tripe." "No, listen, let him fill up on the bread." "Enough tripe." "Let me eat bread." "That's what he wants me to eat." " That's your son." "Bread all the time, right?" "God forbid I should have a piece of meat, right, Dad?" "So, Wendy, honey." "You were saying?" "I was just..." "I was gonna say how Billy's the... the nicest husband in the whole world." "Oh, yeah, sure." "I'm sure he's terrific." "No, really." "I'm the luckiest girl... to have found such a wonderful husband." "I fell in love with him the first time I met him." "Long-lasting Energizer batteries keep going..." "Honey, can you pass me the remote control, there?" "It's right behind you." "Still going." "Long-lasting Energizer..." "Did Billy ever tell you how we met?" "No, honey." "How did you two meet?" "Billy, you didn't tell your mom how we met?" "You tell her." "Well." "I was working as a typist for the CIA, which is a special part of the government." "And Billy is a top agent with the CIA." "I'm sure you know that." "You're probably so proud of him." "Anyway, he has hundreds of people working for him." "All the girls in the office were always telling me... how much they were in love with their boss." "I had never seen him, because I worked way down... on the other side of the building." "But one day, he comes into the office, and I see him, and I fell in love..." "madly in love... with him." "But, you know, I couldn't talk to him, because I was just a typist, and..." "He's the kindest, smartest, most handsome guy there." "I mean, even the guys loved him." "They idolized him." "So, I just, I just couldn't." "I didn't think he'd ever like me." "I was just a typist girl." "And, you know, he was like, the king." "I mean, even the president is so proud of him." "So, one day..." "I walk into my office, and there's this giant bouquet of roses." "I was just like, my God, what are those flowers on my desk?" "I thought maybe they had gotten the wrong desk or something." "So, I go over and I open the card." "There was a little note attached." "And it said:" ""Dear Wendy, I have been in love... with you for a year, but I'm very shy." "I didn't know how to tell you before this." "But I want you to know that I really love you, and I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime."" " And guess who it was signed by?" " Who?" "Honey, honey, hold on." "Watch this play, all right?" " Billy." "It was signed by Billy." "It said, "Love, Billy."" "Watch this play, all right?" "Just watch this." "Linder will snap." "Wood tries to kick his longest ever on grass." "No good!" "Goddamn it." "Goddamn it!" "Thirty years, I haven't missed a game." "They haven't won the championship since 1966." "I missed that game, 'cause that's the day I had Billy." "I wish I never had him." "I wouldn't have missed that game." "Did you like Buffalo too?" "It's Billy Brown calling." "I'd like to bet on the Super Bowl." "On Buffalo." "To win." "Right." "I'd like to put 10 000 on it." " Oh, $10 000!" " Hold on one second." "That's too much, Billy!" "You're gonna get in trouble!" "Shut up." "I'm talking on the phone!" "Come on, Scott." "Come on, Scott." "Wood tries to kick his longest ever on grass." "No good!" "Wide right." " Oh, no." "Fuck!" "Told you." "You're gonna be in trouble." " Shut up!" " I told you." "I'm fucked." " You're dead." " I am fuckin' dead." "Okay, the story goes like this." "One day, this big asshole comes in, he calls up a bet." "$10 000 bet on Buffalo to win the Super Bowl." "That's to win, okay?" "Now, I know what you're thinking." "The story's hard to believe, right?" "I mean, what kind of an idiot would bet... on Buffalo to win a big game like that?" "It's true, I swear to God it happened." "I mean, this guy was so out of touch... he didn't even have the ten large to cover his bet." "Tell somebody to turn up the heat." "So, Billy." "What happened was this bookie got so sick... of hearing everybody's excuses." "I mean, they're all the same, you know?" "Everybody's got an excuse." "Anyway, this bookie got so sick that he just had to throw up." "The only way he could make himself feel better was to... to do bad things." "To do very, very bad things to the excuse maker." "And very, very bad things to the excuse maker's mother and father." "So, what do you say?" "Why don't we give this story a happy ending?" "I got an acquaintance, a friend, a very good friend of ours, and he just got arrested." "Of course, he's innocent." "His arrest is a goddamn injustice, a tragedy." "So, you, the asshole, will confess to the crime of which he is accused, so as to free the innocent man." "Now, if you fail... to convince the court, or if you refuse to try to, then very evil and very bad things are gonna happen." "Very evil and very bad things." "Oh, and, Billy." "If Buffalo ever makes it back to the Super Bowl, bet against them." "Now, get the fuck out of my sight." "All rise." "Mr. Brown, based on your confession, you are found guilty as charged." "Therefore, it is the judgment of this court... that you are sentenced to the maximum term." "Five years." "No parole." "This one is going to go in June." "See how I've been doing it?" "I write on every envelope." "You don't have to think, Goon." "This goes in June." "Any day in June." "Any day in June." "All you have to look at... is the thing, like all the other ones." "You look at the month." "Goon, Goon, pay attention." "We're almost done." "We're almost done." "This one says June." "They all have a month marked." "This one goes June." "June comes before July, and after May." "So anytime you hear that it's June, just put this in the mailbox, all right?" "Can I trust you on these?" "Are we done with these?" "Got it?" "They all got their own month." "Any day of the month, you could send it." "You know the month, because it's written on the back." "This one goes at Christmastime." "Please, please, don't pick your nose in front of me." "Please don't do that, all right?" "This goes at Christmastime." "Christmas." "Do you know when Christmas is?" " I know when Christmas is, Billy." " You do?" " You know Rudolph is on TV?" " You think I'm dumb?" "Yeah, I think you're a little dumb sometimes." "Cut it out, Billy, or I'm not going to do it." "Yeah, right." "Just listen to me." "You wanna know what I heard in here?" "You know Scott Wood?" "I heard from guys in here who know for a fact, okay." "They know for a fact that he missed that fuckin' field goal on purpose." "That he got paid money and he missed it on purpose, okay?" "That motherfuck." "That motherfuck." "I wonder how much..." "I wonder how much that motherfuck got paid to ruin my fuckin' life." "Okay?" "I'll tell you what." "I'll tell you what I'm gonna do." "Listen." "When I get out of here, I'm gonna fuckin' kill him." "I swear to God, I'm gonna fuckin' kill him." "That motherfuckin', ten-cent field goal kicker." "I'm gonna kill him." "I'll tell you something." "I'll kill myself too, 'cause I don't give a fuck, 'cause I'm not coming back here, understand?" "You understand?" "So just remember what I told you." "What are you lookin' at?" "What are you lookin' at?" "You got this, right?" "You got this, and this." "When is this one going?" "This one is going in January." "This is for my mother's birthday." "All right?" "January." "Let me write it down on every package, okay?" "January." "Goon, please, please, please, don't fuck me here." "Please, be a person this time." "Could I use the phone in the bedroom?" " Sure, honey." " Where are you calling, a local call?" " Yes, a local call." " Okay." "Hey, Goon." "It's me, Billy." "What are you doing?" "Billy, I don't want people to call me that no more." "Even you." "Hello to you too." "Why, what..." "What do they call you now?" "What do you want them to call you?" "My new name is Rocky." "Your name is Rocky?" "My new name is Rocky!" "Rocky, I go away for two seconds, and you change your name from Goon to Rocky?" "Whatever, all right." "Whatever you want." "Whatever you want." "Listen." "I just got out of jail, and... you remember that guy, Wood?" "I'd really like to find him." "Billy, you going... you still going to do that bad thing... you said you were going to do?" "Don't... don't you think that's not a good thing to do?" "What if the policeman catches you?" "Yeah, well, I'm not going to get caught, okay?" "I'm not going to get caught." "You want to help me or you don't want to help me?" "Well, he's got the TV commercial and he's got that club... where the girls take off their clothes." "What?" "The guy opens up a strip joint in Buffalo?" "Billy, you wanna come over to my house?" "You wanna come over for dinner?" "My mom's makin'..." "she's cookin' dinner." "What's the name of the club?" "Hey, Goon." "What's the name of the joint?" "Oh, it's this..." "It's the name of his name." "It's got his name." "It's named..." "Yeah." "You know a street?" "You know anything?" "Can you help me?" "Could you give me a street name?" "You're confusing me." "I don't know." "I don't remember." "You shouldn't go down there." "Don't go down there." "I have a little surprise that..." " I haven't told Billy yet." " Oh, yeah?" "I'm pregnant." "We're gonna have a baby." "Wendy, honey, you're gonna have a baby!" " You're gonna have a baby!" " Don't tell Billy." "I want to surprise him later." " We won't say nothin'." " That's terrific." "Come here and give me a hug!" "Yeah!" "I won't say nothin'." "See, Goon, I'm just kidding." "All right?" "I'm just kidding." "I just want to go and say hello to him." "Can you help me find him, yes or no?" "I know how you get." "Don't, you're going to go back to jail." "What'd I say?" "I said I was kidding." "You got a phone book in the house?" "Don't do bad things." "Just don't do any bad things." "Did you get the raisins I sent you?" "Yeah, Goon, I got the raisins." "Thanks." "Do you have a phone book?" "Can you help me out?" "Can you help me out here?" "Don't call me that." "I don't like that name no more." "All right." "All right." "Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!" "Okay, I'll call you Rocky." "You happy, big shot?" "You happy, Rocky?" "What's the difference what your name is?" "Would you do me a favor, and get a phone book?" "Billy, I got to go." "My mom's calling me." "She's mad that I'm on the phone too long." "You know something, Goon?" "You know what you are?" "You know your problem?" "Your problem is your mother." "Because you know what?" "That's all you do." "You run when your mom calls you all the time." "Can you just get a phone book?" " No, I gotta go." "My mom said I gotta go." " I need you for one second." " Get a phone book." " Don't be sore at me like that, Billy." "I just need you to get a phone book!" "Every time your mother says something, that's how you..." "That's why people call you Goon." "Do you know why they call you Goon?" "Because you're retarded." "And you're ugly." "You're an ugly retard." "And they call you Goon because you're ugly and retarded." "And you'll always be Goon." "Goon, Goon, Goon." "And that's what I'm going to call you... for the rest of your life, is Goon." "Goon, Goon, Goon, Goon." "Okay?" "So fuck you." "Fuck." "Oh, honey." "You're gonna have a baby!" "Well, it's really been a pleasure having you here." "And when you have a little one," "I want you to call it little Jimmy!" "Honey, we love you so much, honey." "You come back soon, all right?" "You guys have to come visit us too." "The house is so beautiful." "Billy's so handy." "He's built so many amazing things." "Yeah, well, now you have another house." "And I want you to give your daddy a big kiss." "Come on." "Oh, honey, we love you so much." "You come back and visit soon, all right?" " We will." " All right?" " We will." "Bye." "Bye, honey." "Go!" "Come on!" "Can't believe them!" "No, Billy, it's good." "It's good if they like me." "Then, they'll be proud of you." "Bullshit!" "My life is shit." "If you were my son, I'd be proud of you." "Did you see them kiss your ass?" "You made it happen." "You made them do that." "You kidnapped me." "You pulled my hair." "You threatened me." "I just went in there and did you a favor." " I thought I did a good job..." " What was that shit about the CIA?" "I asked you nice." "I said nice." "Make me look good!" "What, CIA?" "You think my father believed that?" "Do you think he believed that for one second?" ""Your son works with the CIA." "All the girls love him."" "He's smart." "He's smart!" "Let's go." "Hey, look, everybody." "The king is back!" "Oh, that's right." "The king is here." " Billy Brown!" " What's up?" " Nice to see you, man." " Good to see you." "You look really good." "Really good." "Really good." "So, you guys keep my ball and stuff?" "Did we keep your ball?" "We got your ball, your locker." "All right." "You better have kept it." " Just like you left it." " All right." "What?" "You pay my membership?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "You weren't here to pay it, so I paid it for you, because I'm your friend, right?" "All right." "You used your own money?" " Yeah." " All right." "I owe you for that." " Sure, you're my friend." " All right." "You're my friend too." "So, any good bowlers around these days?" "Anybody good?" " Just you, Billy." " All right." "Who's the girl?" " I'm his wife." " She's not my wife." "I picked her up hitchhiking." "Five years in the joint, you don't waste any time?" "You know me, right?" "I'm going to go get my things out of the locker." "I'll give you 13." "That's the one you like, right?" "Yeah, that's my lane." "All right, I'll see you in a minute." "Who's that girl?" " Just some girl." "Girlfriend I had." " What happened to her?" "I don't know." "I'm a free guy, you know." "That's not my style." "I need to be free a little, so I let her go, you know?" "Can I get a little room here?" "Why don't you go sit over there?" "I need a little privacy." "Hey, Sonny!" "Where's my ball?" "I got it right here." " Let me see that." " It's all polished up." "That looks good." "You did a good job." " I'm going to go bowl." " Have a good time." "All right." "Thanks a lot." "Thanks." "You're my friend, right?" " You bet." " All right." "Thanks, Sonny." "The kid is hot." "Okay?" "You see the pro?" "Yes." "Come back." "Come back." "You saw it." "You saw it." "That's right." "Billy's back." "Come on." "Come on!" "Fuck." "Sonny, can you fix it?" "Fix it?" "I'll get it." "Shit." "I was in a groove." "I was in a groove." "All right." "Get out of my chair." "Come on." "Scoot over." "Damn." "Shit." "Oh, yes!" "Stop dancing." "Stop it, all right?" "Go sit down." "Fuck!" "What's so funny?" "What's so funny?" "Why don't you try one?" " Go ahead." "Try one, big shot." " Okay." "Fuck!" "Come on, superstar." "Figures." "Can I bowl another one?" "Go ahead." "I'm goin' to the bathroom." " What city, please?" " Buffalo." "Yes?" "What listing?" " Can I have the number of Scott Wood's Exotic Dancers?" "How are you spelling that?" "I don't know." "Wood's." "Woo..." "You've reached Scott Wood's Solid Gold." "This is Scott Wood, you know, the guy Buffalonians love to hate." "Folks, look, I'm real sorry about that field goal I missed." "But guess what." "I got some beautiful topless dancers... here at my new nightclub, Scott Wood's Solid Gold." "Come on down and check out these beautiful girls... stripping' down for you to next to nothin'." "They're gorgeous." "Scott Wood's live Solid Gold Sexxotic Dancers." "We're at Niagara and Hurdle Ave." "We'll see you here." "I'm gonna kill that fucker, man." "I'm gonna kill him." " We have to go." " I'm having fun." "Can't I go one more time?" "If you want to stay, you stay." "I'm leaving." "Come back here with me." "Where are we goin'?" " I wanna take some pictures." "Just a couple of pictures." " Really?" "You wanna take a picture with me?" " Yeah." "Really." "Wait." "I gotta fix my hair first." "Don't fix your hair." "This is not that kind of shit." "Don't start that shit." "We're just taking some pictures." "Simple pictures." "This is not glamour." "No glamour." "You look fine." "Come on." "You look fine." "All right." "Is my hair okay?" "Yeah, it looks nice." "You sure?" " Looks fine." " Okay." "Put this in." "Okay, be ready." "It's gonna come soon." "You ready?" " Come on." "What is that?" " What?" "What are you doin'?" "You just made me waste $2." "Get up." "Come on." "I was making it fun." "You're missin' the point." "Two dollars." "You just wasted $2." "All right, get up." "Get up." "Get up." "Now, listen to me." "Listen to me." "Sit down." "We're taking pictures for my parents." "Do you understand that?" "We're taking pictures like we're a couple." "Like we like each other." "Like we're husband and wife." "We span time together." "We span time together as a couple." "'Cause we're a loving couple, spanning time." "These photos are us in love, spanning time." "No bullshit faces." "No funny faces." "Just look like you like me." "That's all I want." "Just look like you like me." "That's it." "Can you do that?" "You're so weird." "Fine." "All right, let's go." "Yeah." "Are you gonna do it, or are you not gonna do it?" "I'll do my best." "I don't wanna waste more money." "Just do it right." "We're in love." "We're spanning time." "Look like you like me." "Look like we're husband and wife." " I do like you, Billy." " You know what I mean." "I mean, like you like me like you're my wife." "Like you're in love." "That kind of like." "Like we're in love, spanning time." "Okay?" "Now, just do it right, all right?" " All right." "I'll do my best." " Don't do your best." "Do it right, okay?" "And don't get smart." "I don't wanna waste $2." "Just do it right." " All right." " All right." "Look like you love me." "Let's span time, okay?" "Let's span time together." " What are you doin'?" " What?" " Don't touch me." " What do you mean, "Don't touch me"?" "We're supposed to be husband and wife." "I'm just tryin' to make it look good." "We're the couple that doesn't touch one another." "We like each other a lot, and we span time together." "We just don't touch each other, all right?" "Now, let's span time." "Let's use a different color in the back." "Do blue, all right?" "This is the blue period..." "Get up." "Get up." "Don't touch me again, all right?" "Just look like you like me, and let's span time." "All right?" "You got that?" "Yes or no?" "Yes!" " Okay, I don't wanna waste any more money." "This is my last $2." "Yes or no?" " Yes." "You do it for me." "If you don't wanna do it, don't do it." "I'll do it." " Let's look like we like each other." "Span time and do not touch me, okay?" " Okay." "Do not kiss me." "All right, come on." "All right, good." "Let's see how they are." "Come on." "Please don't forget to send the photographs and cards to my parents, okay?" "I promise." "I won't forget." "You can trust me." "One every Christmas." "So I'll see you around." "Where are you going now?" "Scott Wood in?" "No, Scott's not in." "He doesn't come in till later." " Who's calling?" " Just a friend." "What time does he get in?" "He doesn't come in until late, not before 2:00 in the morning." " What time is it now?" " It's 8:15." " He doesn't come in sooner than that?" " He never comes in before 2:00." "He stays till closing." "If you want to see him, come in after 2:00." "All right, we'll go, okay?" "Why don't we just go someplace, the two of us?" "Get a room." "Just lay down together." "We'll lay in a bed." "You wanna go someplace with me?" " I do." "I just gotta get in a hot bath." "I really need to take a hot bath." "Do you think we could stop... and get a hot chocolate on the way?" "I was only kidding when I said I wanted to lay down with you." "So don't get your hopes up." "Well, that's too bad, 'cause I was serious when I said I wanted to." "Two for smoking or nonsmoking?" "Right this way." "Your waitress will be with you in a moment." "What can I get you?" " Can I have a hot chocolate, please?" "Very hot." " And you, sir?" " Just a glass of water." "Okay." "You know, it's not right for you to be snorting' that stuff." "Shit." "Weren't you in my third grade class?" "Yes." "You remember me?" "Wendy Balsam." "I'm Wendy Balsam too." "Oh, yeah?" "What happened to you?" "Didn't you get in trouble?" "Didn't you go to jail or something?" "Yeah, but he was innocent." "Yeah, we were in the third grade together." "I think we were in class together every year." " Did you have Mrs. Dannon?" " Yes, I did." "Yeah." "Did you live on my block?" "Because I used to see you walk by my house every day." "I had a friend who lived over there." "Oh, yeah, it was just so strange." "Because every time I looked out my window, I would see you walkin' by." "This is Don, and..." "What's your name again?" " Billy Brown." " Billy Brown." "Yeah, yeah, that's it." "Billy, this is Don Shanks, my fiance." "How you doin', Billy?" "It's nice to meet you." "Since you guys were in school together, you wanna come over and sit down here for a little bit maybe?" "We're getting ready to leave, but thanks a lot." " Maybe another time, okay?" " Sure." "Yeah." "Yeah." " Well, it was nice meetin' you... again." "Yeah." "You know, that girl has the same name as me." "And she looks an awful lot like that photograph in your locker." "The hot chocolate's gonna be a couple minutes yet." " We're going." " Thank you anyway though." " What do you mean?" " Sure." "You wanna stay?" "You stay." "I'm goin'." "Billy, look at that girl." "Look at her." "She's so creepy." "She's so creepy, and you are so nice." " What's that supposed to mean?" " I just think..." "I mean, you're much too good for her and..." "Don't give me no fuckin' bullshit, all right?" "I don't need your pity, "she's too good for me" crap." "So what, we're gonna leave because you ran into someone... that you had a crush on in middle school?" "I'm gonna kill Scott Wood." "I'm just gonna kill him." " What are you saying?" " I'm gonna kill that motherfucker." " I'm just gonna kill him." " Billy?" "What are you saying?" "I'm goin', okay?" "Let me tell you something." "I don't care about you or your fuckin' hot chocolate." "I don't need anybody." "Did you hear what I said?" "Did you hear what I said this time?" "Want to know the truth?" "I could have had any girl I wanted in school." "Any girl I wanted." "You know why I didn't have a girlfriend?" "Because there was nobody that I liked." "Nobody that I liked." "That's the truth." "I could have had anybody." "There was nobody that I liked, because girls stink." "They stink." "They're evil." "And they're all bad, all of them." "They're backstabbers like you." " So, let's go, all right?" " I'm not going." " You want to stay?" " Yes!" " You stay, all right?" "Fuck you." " Fuck you too!" "Yeah, fuck you." " Could I use the bathroom?" " Someone stole the key." "Use the one at Denny's." "Please help me." "What's wrong?" "Please, God." "I can't..." "Oh, fuck." "I don't wanna live." "No, I don't wanna live." "Don't wanna live." "I'm sorry." "Can we just go out of here?" "What about the hot chocolate?" "I really want you to come with me." "I wanna get away from that witch over there." "Okay." " Okay?" " Okay." "Here." "So you wanna go get a room now?" "You can take a bath." "You'll feel better." "Okay." "We got time." "Need a room for one night." " How many nights?" " One night." "Here." "Fill this out." "Rooms are 29.99 plus tax." "Comes to 34.50." "I'll need a license and cash or credit card." "What really happened with you and Wendy Balsam?" "You've been so quiet all night." " I don't wanna talk about it." " Well, I'm not jealous." "I just, you know, wondered." "I told you I don't wanna talk about it." "Checkout time is at 11:00 a.m. No smoking in the room." "Don't sit on this bedspread." "It's disgusting." "Let's take this off." "These are dirty." "I'm cold." "You never even went out with Wendy Balsam, did you?" "I told you I did." "I knew her since I was in kindergarten." "She was in my class." "I remember..." "Oh, I hated school so much." "I just..." "I didn't like to wake up." "I..." "First day I went to school..." "I just remember I was crying and screaming." "And my mother..." "She had to drag me there." "And then when I got into class... that's when I saw her." "And I remember just..." "staring at her." "And I started thinking things." "I was very young, but I was imagining kissing her... and marrying her." "And I just thought about her every day, all the time." "And then schooltime would go by fast." "And sometimes I would see her in church." "And I hated church too." "And if I saw her in church, it was good, because then time went by really fast." "Did she know that you liked her?" "No." "She would just..." "She would just tell me to stop staring at her all the time, mocking me out." ""Take a picture." "Why don't you?"" "Did you ever have any other girlfriends?" "No." "Just her." "I'm gonna fill up the whole tub." "My father used to make us fill up the tub just, like, an inch of hot water." "That's all we were allowed to use." "He was so cheap." " Billy, are you in the tub yet?" " Why?" "Can I come and sit in there with you?" "I don't wanna be out here alone." "I'm cold." "I'm in the tub, all right?" "I don't want anybody coming in here." "I just want to sit in the bathroom with you." "I don't wanna be out here." "I'm cold and..." "I don't wanna be here." "Well, no, you can't, all right?" "I'm in the tub." "I won't look." "Please, just let me come in and talk to you." "Oh, man." "Hold on." "All right, you can come in, but don't look at me." "If you look at me one time, I'm gonna throw you out of the room." "All right, I promise I won't look." "Don't look." "You look like a little boy in the bathtub." " What did I just tell you?" " I'm not looking." "I'm just imagining." " Just don't look." " I'm not." "Billy, I'm freezing." "Can I get in the tub with you?" "No, I just..." "You know, you see how you start?" "Didn't you say you just want to come and sit in here?" "Right?" "I'm in the tub." "I wanna be in the tub alone." "No, and turn your head away." "Don't look at me." "But I'm freezing, Billy." "I'm sorry." " Why?" " 'Cause I wanna be in here alone." "I don't take baths with people." "Can we get out of the bathtub?" "If you want to." "Okay." "Can you go first?" "Okay." "Where are you going?" "I'm just gonna go get a cup of coffee." "You want something?" "Yeah, could I have a hot chocolate?" "Okay, I'll get it." "When are you coming back?" "You know, five minutes." "What do you mean?" "Comin' right back." "I just have this feeling you're not gonna come back." "I just told you I'm coming back." "I'll be back in..." "in five minutes." "Get you a hot chocolate." "I really like you." "I'm gonna be really sad if you don't come back, unless you tell me." "If you're not gonna come back, just tell me." "Don't lie to me." "Are you gonna come back or not?" "If you don't want me to go, I won't go, all right?" "I won't get a hot chocolate." " We can just..." " If you want a coffee, go get a coffee." "Just come back." "I told you I'm coming back." "Can I get a kiss good-bye?" "No." "Don't start..." "Please..." "Don't start trouble." "Don't... don't..." "Don't start evil." "I didn't say I'd give you a kiss." "I said I'd get you a hot chocolate, okay?" "So I'm gonna go." "Can I have a hug then?" "Oh, man." "Come on." " Can we just shake hands?" " Okay." "Remember you promised you'd come back." " Promise." " Billy." "I just want you to know..." "I think... you're the sweetest guy in the world... and the most handsome." "And I love you." "Hey, Goon, it's me." "I just called to tell you that I was sorry for yelling at you before." "Yeah?" "Well, you're always yelling' at me, Billy." "Just wanted to tell you that I was sorry... and to say thank you for sendin' me raisins." "I sent you raisins, Billy." "I found a little box for them, and I sent them to you." "And you're not very nice to me, and I don't know if I wanna be friends with you, if you're gonna yell at me." "I understand, Goon." "I..." "Please, I asked you already." "Don't call me Goon." "I asked you not to call me Goon." "My name is Rocky." "I meant to say Rocky." "I was gonna call you Rocky, okay?" "I called because I want to give you the combination... to my locker at the bowling alley." "You're gonna give me a combination?" "Why?" "You know my good luck pen in there?" "I want you to have my good luck pen." "I left it in there for you." "You can have my bowling ball." "You can have all my things, if you want." "What?" "I don't want your things." "I don't want your things." "Those are your things." "Why are you giving away your stuff?" "I want you to..." "You're my best friend, and..." "I'm really sorry that I always yell at you and stuff." "'Cause you..." "You've been a good friend to me." "You sent me those raisins." "Billy, are you gonna do bad things?" "Is that why you're givin' me all your stuff?" "No." "I was kidding about Scott Wood." "I don't really care about that anymore." "I got a big job, and I really have to..." "work for a long time." "I'll be away, so..." "I'm gonna give you the combination, okay?" "It's 32, 17, 21." " You're my best friend, okay?" " Billy, please..." "Run!" "Run!" "Run!" "Tackle 'im!" "Tackle 'im!" "Tackle 'im!" "Oh, no!" "No!" " Jan?" "Jan!" " God!" "No!" " Jan, it's 2:00, you know?" " No..." "It's 2:00." "I'm gettin' the shakes out here, and I'm starving." " Can we get something to eat, please?" " Goddamn." " All right, honey." " You hungry?" " Yeah." " So am I." "Hey, forget it." "Did you hear what I said?" "Forget it." "You cannot have anything in my locker." "I take it all back." "I took everything back." "You heard me now." "I said it." "I'm takin' it back, so stay away from my locker." "If I find out you go near my locker, I swear to God," "I'll give you a karate chop right in the head." "All right?" "Guess what." "Guess what happened today." "I got a girl." "All right?" "I got a girl." "There's a girl who loves me, and she's very pretty, and she's very nice, and she loves me." "So what do you think of that?" "So stay away from my locker." "I take all my things back, all right?" "I saw Wood today." "I'm at the strip joint, yeah." "This place is crazy." "He seems like a nice guy too." "He really is just like..." "a normal guy." "You know, I think..." "Remember, we used to like Wood." "He kicked good that season." "He was good that whole season." "He kicked good all year." "He missed one measly field goal, and everybody's against him." "I mean, the guy..." "Who told me to bet on Buffalo?" "Buffalo stunk all year." "They gave the Giants that game." "Matter of fact, if it wasn't for Wood, they would have lost three or four other games that year." "What?" "I'm telling you the truth." "I'm here." "No." "Anyway, listen, I'll give you a call tomorrow." "I gotta go, okay?" "My girlfriend's waitin' for me." "Yeah?" " How you doin'?" " Okay." "You have hot chocolate, right?" " Sure do." " Is it hot?" "It's hot." " All right, give me a hot chocolate to go." " A large one, large one." " Okay." " Hot chocolate to go, large." " Make it good." " Make it good, good one." " It'll be good." "Let me have one of these..." "Let me have a heart cookie too." "That's nice." " How much are the heart cookies?" " Heart cookies?" " They're 95 cents." " Ninety-five?" " Right." " Okay." "You got a girlfriend?" "Yeah." " Yeah?" "All right." "I'm gonna buy one for him." " Okay." " It's for your girlfriend, all right?" "Don't chomp on it yourself." "Save it for her." " Okay, he's got a heart cookie comin'." " Who made those?" " We make 'em right here." " That's very nice, a heart cookie." " Who thought of the heart?" " I don't know." "Somebody who was romantic." " What do I owe you?" " Okay, let's see." " Go easy." "Easy, easy, easy." " Okay, okay." "Easy!" " Four bucks on the nose." " Four bucks." " Four bucks, right." " Four bucks." " That's right, including his." " Oh, yeah, right, okay." " Four." " Okay." "And here, this is for you because..." "I don't know why." " Just take it." " Okay." " Thanks a lot." "I'll see you guys later." " Thank you." "You got your cookie here, all right?" "Before you leave, take it for your girlfriend." " All right." "Thanks." " Bye, bye."