"Skyline Advertising." "People." "Mr. Jackson came to us because he expects the best." "I've assembled a talented young creative team for you here, sir." "This is Lindsay culver." "She'll be helping produce your spot." "Lindsay." "I knew a man named Lindsay once." "Well, it's nice to meet you too, sir." "This is Daniel Roenick and Troy Riley, our two very best writers." " Yes, actually I'd like to start off with..." " That's enough." "These three, they'll do." "You make me happy and I will see that your company gets my entire broadcast and print campaign for years to come." "All will prosper." " Excellent." " But you screw it up and I will make it my business to ruin your lives." "All will suffer." "It is that simple." "All right, listen up." "I just bought a resort up in the mountains, Big Bear." "Romantic getaways, outdoor activities, all that kind of shit." "And I need a spot that's gonna make people come up there in a big way." "Now, I want you to go up to Big Bear and get yourselves inspired." "Isn't marketing supposed to be an office job?" " We're gonna round the corner." " Whoa, I gotta get on that?" "If you think you're gonna fall, just yell and I'll stop the chair, okay?" "Oh, you got it." " Okay, ready?" " What?" "Once you sit down, it's really easy." "Hey!" "Okay." " Smooth." " Okay." " Very smooth." " Thank you." "Could we put this down?" "Are you sure you don't wanna take that class first, Danny?" "No, I'm a natural athlete." "Besides, it looks pretty simple." " Watch out, buddy." " Am I gonna need that?" "Hey, can I ask you a question?" "Would this line work on you?" ""That's a nice dress." "It would look great on my floor."" "Oh, only if I was already, like, madly in love with the guy." "Otherwise, I think I'd hurt him." "Look, I know you were with vanessa for what, like, 11 years and she left you at the altar." "Hey, whoa, it was not the altar, okay?" "It was the rehearsal dinner." "Okay, the point is, you need to start dating again." "Again?" "I never dated." "I wouldn't know what to say." " Hell, I wouldn't know what to do." " Well, what did you do with vanessa?" "I was 12 years old, I pelted her with snowballs and I stole her lunchbox." "You were quite the little charmer, weren't you?" "What about you?" "How was your big date the other night?" "Brian, was it?" "Brian did not pass the third test." "Third test, he doesn't want kids." "I thought he was gonna at least make it to test 12." "That's where you figure out whether he knows the importance of fabric softener?" "Don't you be making fun of me until you've been through as many broken hearts as I have." "Okay." "Okay." "What are you up to now?" "What is it?" " Oh, great." "Oh, yeah." "One." " Thank you." "Hey, hey." "Danny, Linds." "Boys." "What kept you?" "Well, actually, several snow bunnies wanted to pinch a cute ass." "Troy's, of course." "One actually wants to board down with me." " Is that cool?" " Sure." "Me and Packer will take Danny." "Well, actually, you know, I was hoping to take one of the more challenging runs." "Fine, I'll take him." "You catch on quick, right?" " Slow down!" " How exactly do I slow down?" "Get out of the way!" "Sorry!" "Look out!" "I think I broke my arm!" "Coming through." " What are you doing?" " Get off!" "You ran into me!" "Get off!" "Oh, my God." "Trees, trees!" " Hold on." " Jerk!" "Pervert!" "What did that sign just say?" "So how'd you guys make out?" "I was assaulted by a pack of children." "I knew you'd like skiing." "So, what happened to your snow bunny?" "We had sex in the woods, then she ditched me." "The story of my life." "See, I think I am naturally attracted to women that are all wrong for me." "I have nothing in common with my penis." "At least you get a lot of sex." "Yeah, but I want more than that." "Women treat me like a walking vibrator." "If I get a woman to stay for breakfast, that's a long-term relationship." "I'm turning into a chick." "At least you get a lot of sex." "Packer." "Hey." " Hey." " Where you been?" " Guys, this is Jamie." " Hi." "These are my friends." "Our skis got caught and we veered off into a crevice." "We were trapped for hours until they found us." "I was so scared." "He was wonderful." "You and you?" "Okay, that is unbelievable." "Yeah, well, I mean, intense situations can really set off sparks." "I'm in love." " Congratulations." " Congratulations." "Hey." "So, guys, I'm gonna..." "I got some..." "Bye." "Hey, that girl over there, she's staring at you." " I got food on my face?" " I'll get drinks." "When somebody stares at you, it means that they like you." "They think you're cute." "You should go talk to her." " I wouldn't know what to say." " Just compliment her blouse or something." " Yeah." "Go on, go talk to her." " No, I don't think so." " Yeah, go." "Go on." " No." "No." " Go!" " Okay." "Jesus." "Her blouse." "Okay." "That woman really look at him?" " Hi." " Hi." "Is that a blouse you're wearing?" "Yeah." "Has it got buttons?" "I mean..." "Yeah, that's a really keen observation." "The buttons are..." "They're whitish-blue, sort of a see-through color." " Are you a retard?" " Well, I wasn't until I came over here." " Yeah, excuse me." " Sorry." " Morning, vicki." " Good morning." "Time for a little fun?" "Actually, I was..." "I was thinking that we should, you know, we should get up and we should go out and get some coffee and get to know each other." "Listen..." "I'm blanking on your name." " Troy." " Troy, right." "I actually have to run." "And, you know, really sorry about laughing at you when you asked me if we could cuddle." "Where's my other shoe?" "Pretty sure I had two." " Well, will I get to see you again?" " No." "But..." "But I'd be a really, a really good boyfriend." " I bet I can still catch yoga." " I like seafood." " When's the next bus coming?" " I have two brothers and a sister." "My parents, they live in New Hampshire." "People say I'm a good listener." "Skyline Advertising." "I'll go find him." " I feel so used." " Honey, vicki was a ski tramp, okay?" " There he is." " Come on, he's just an office crush." "I think you don't understand." "Yesterday I found out he has a good relationship with his parents." "He just passes all the tests." "So, what are you waiting for?" "I don't know." "I've suggested we go out but he just doesn't seem to be getting the hint." "I think he thinks I'm a bitch." " Everybody thinks I'm a bitch." " Only till they get to know you." "I mean..." "No, they don't." "It's just, I don't know, I finally find a guy and it's perfect for and I don't know how to get to him." "I may know a way how." "Same way that Packer got to Jamie." "A crisis." " A little extreme date." " Yeah?" " Say, being locked in the storage closet." " I like it." "I think..." "Yeah, there we go." "It was hiding up here." "I knew it had to be in here somewhere." "Dairy Queen promo, version number three." " Thank you." " Okay." "It's locked." "Oh." "Oh, no." "God, no one ever comes down here." " Hey!" "Hello!" " You know we could be in here all night." "No, we won't be." "Hand me that pen." "Yeah." "Okay." "You know what?" "I think I can think of a better use of our time here together." "Damn it!" "Look, just give me five minutes, okay?" "I can pick the lock." "I saw this on MacGyver." "Okay, listen, Sean." "Please, please, please." "Am I really that intimidating?" "Come on." "Sorry." "Listen, you know, I just..." "I just think you're a great guy and..." "I mean, would it kill you to get to know me a little better?" "I'm really not the bitch everyone thinks I am." "Unless..." "Unless you're into that, which is cool." "Well, you know the thing is I'm normally into only freakishly tall women and also women who get me out of locked storage closets." "Good." "Okay." "Air vent." " The air vent?" " Just help me up." "I just really don't think this is such a good idea." "You kicked me in the eye!" " I'm sorry." " No!" "My neck." "So, what time you wanna pick me up?" "Okay, tell Mr. Leonard that I have his file and I'm going to messenger it over after lunch, if that's okay." "Yes." "Can I call you back?" "All right." "Call me after lunch." "Okay." "Bye." " Okay." " What happened?" " Oh, God." " Hey, what...?" "Is that ink on your ass?" "Troy locked me in the closet with Sean." "You know the "forest situation" was supposed to help us fall in love like with Pack and Jamie." "Well, long story short, I put him in the hospital." "Okay, well, that would explain the sirens." "I finally find a guy worth putting my heart out there for and I cripple him." "He'll never love me now." "You can't love someone who maims you." " Okay." " Okay?" "It hurts." " It hurts." " I'm sorry, Linds." "That's it, you know?" "I'm just done with love." "It's just not worth it." "I would just so rather be alone than deal with this crap." "Never ever, ever, ever again." "What if you're already in love with someone that's your friend?" " You think I'm in love with Troy?" " No." "You know what?" "Forget me." " Okay." " I'm finished." "But we could still save you." " Save me?" " Troy was right about one thing." "I mean, extreme dating, it's the way to go." " It would've worked." " What are you getting at?" "You're not getting anywhere with that girl you like in Accounting." "What was her name, Tracy?" "Now you don't have to worry about asking her out." "We'll just... we'll just give you an extreme date." "Okay, I don't think that's such a good idea." "Come on." "Tomorrow's payday, so she'll be here late tonight." "What if I trap you two in the elevator?" " No." "Absolutely not." " Come on!" " Lindsay, no." " It'll be good for you and I totally know how to do it." " No, Linds, absolutely not." "I will handle my own floundering love life by myself, okay?" "No." " Hey, Daniel." " Hey, Tracy." "No." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "I can't believe this." "Oh, this is great." "I gotta get home." "I'm going to kill somebody." " Somebody is in the building still, right?" " I'm sure they..." "Hello!" "Somebody help us!" "Oh, God." "Hello." "Are you sure this is a good idea?" "Oh, he will so thank us for this." "Yeah, he will." "I walk up to him and I say, "I will take the job, Mr. Thurman if you can name all the original members of Duran Duran."" " Oh, my God." " And you know what?" "He did." " Really?" " Yeah." "What about you?" "What's your story?" "Nothing." "I was freelance for a while." "Yeah, and..." "You know, I'm actually kind of glad this happened." "You seem really cool." " Are you okay?" " Oh, no, I'm sorry." "That was rude." "You were saying..." "Freelancing?" "Oh, yeah." "So then I got a job at Katz and Barthum, which... what's the matter?" "I have to pee." "More pounding." "Someone please get us out of here." "Hey!" "Right now." "I really mean it." "I don't want to be stuck here anymore." "You hear me out there?" "Hello?" "He's playing it up, making the situation seem desperate." "He's good." "Help!" "Oh, God." "This is a disaster." "I drank, like, half the water cooler today." " Help!" " Help!" "For the love of God, let me out!" "No!" "Okay." "Okay." "Listen." "I'm sorry, I really am." "I have to go." " No, no, no." "Don't you dare." " I've got to." "Oh, God." "Help!" "Oh, jeez." "Help!" "Oh, jeez." "Come on." "So you just pissed on her, then?" "Yup." "Some chicks just ain't into that." "Sweetie, don't worry about it." "Listen, if it was true love, then she could have stood a little urine." "Okay." "Packer." "Okay, guys." "Listen, we're... we gotta run." "We gotta go and..." "we got... okay, we're just gonna go have sex." "Sorry." "That's hot, huh?" "I think I'm gonna go." "Jerry Springer has midget lesbians on tonight." "See you guys tomorrow at work." "Good night." " All right." "So come on, I'll put you to bed." " No, I'm okay." "Excuse me." "Hello." "Hello, vanessa." "No, it's not that I don't wanna be friends." "No." "Can I explain?" "Can I just explain for a second?" "Just hold on." "Yes, I'll always have a special place in my heart for you." "Yes, but you know what?" "Listen, I gotta go." "Bye, vanessa." "Sorry." " I'm getting another drink." "You want one?" " Sure." "And, Linds, I don't want to talk about it." "Let's talk about your problems for a while." " Please?" " Okay." "What's my problem?" "You wanna know why you're still single?" "Because you believe in nothing less than the best." "You believe in fairy tales and happily ever after." "Someone as smart and as beautiful and as sexy as you should be with someone that believes in the same thing." "You mean someone more like you?" "Sorry." "Sorry." "Okay." "Are you okay?" "I think I know how to fix that." " What do you think?" " I think it's broken." "God, forget the damn toe." "Danny." "Are you okay?" "God." "Why do all the men in my life keep ending up like this?" "Oh, my head hurts." "So does my toe." "What did you do, beat me up?" "No." "We almost had sex." "Instead, you got hurt." "Well, that's typical." "Yeah." "No kidding." "Look." "We... we were both drunk and I was feeling bad for you." "So you know, it would have just been a big mistake." " Right." " I... we don't wanna screw up this friendship." "Yeah, and sex would do that." "Hey, I need a ride to work." "Well, we're stopping to get coffee first." "Good morning." " Here you go, Marge." " Thank you." "Okay." " You bought lilac paint?" " They were all out of lavender." " Hey, Joe." " Hey." "Isn't it illegal to force customers to endure paint fumes?" "It's not illegal in california." " What's your problem?" " Whoa, guys." "Hey, I was just joking." "Don't bench-press me, all right?" " What?" " Hack, leave him alone." " How you doing, Danny?" " I like your new painters." " Swell." " AJ, what are you doing?" "Making a mural." "Usual, right?" "Actually, two." "Don't say anything, because it's not like that." "Why are you doing that?" "We'll have to repaint it all." "You know, you never let me explore my artistic side." "Come on." "Okay, fine." "We're gonna paint a frigging mural." "We are always here for you, sir." "Who do you call if you have an idea at 4 a." "M?" "Daniel." "Oh, hey." "Lunch today." "An invitation?" "How formal." "No, I don't have a home fax, Mr. Jackson." " He sent me 25 e-mails." " Why is my voicemail full at 9:03 in the morning?" "So I've been thinking, and, well I want to give this extreme dating thing a try." "It doesn't really seem to work well, Troy." "Or hadn't you noticed?" " I noticed." "The elevator still smells like pee." " Hey." "It'll work for me." "I won't screw it up like you two." " Bite me." " Weren't you wearing that yesterday?" "No." "And shut up." "Those are the same clothes." "Did you two?" "Okay, we're gonna hook you up on an extreme date." " Okay." " Who is it?" "Is it the receptionist?" "No." "No." "There's this unbelievably nice girl I see at the bank every week." "I go on Fridays, around lunchtime." "I almost always see her." " What's her name?" " I don't know." "I mean, she's sweet and genuine and honest." "I have no experience with that." "That's where the plan comes in." "Well, I do have a theory on one important element of extreme dating." " Do tell." " Okay." "There needs to be fear, right?" "A real sense of danger." "Like Packer and Jamie." "Ours were more inconvenient." " You know what I'm saying?" " Danger." "Okay." "Like what?" "Okay, hear me out." "What if we were to kidnap you guys, like, for six or seven hours?" "That is messed up." "I like it." "What if she really just freaks out?" "Okay, we're not really gonna threaten, all right?" "We're..." "She'll just be a little bit scared." "I mean, it's a prank." "Fraternities do it all the time." "So, what, you and me kidnap them?" "We're not threatening enough." "At least I'm not." "But I know someone that is." "All right, just stick to the plan." "I got two guys taking you up to a cabin I arranged in Big Bear, all right?" "Then it's all up to you." "Troy, make it look good, okay?" " All right?" "Okay." " I will, I will." " There she is." " All right." "So just wait till she comes out." "You ready?" "I've been ready my whole life." "This is so romantic." " Yeah." " In a sick, twisted kind of way, you know." "All right." "Hold on to your D cups." "Here we go." " Signal, now." " Okay." " Okay." "Come on." " Here we go." "Where did you find these guys again?" "Painters." "I gave each $ 100 to go with it." "By the way, you owe me $ 100." " Yeah, have a half a pretzel." " Thanks." "Excuse me." "Hi." "Do you know where the westside dog shelter is?" "Sure." "It's right around the corner on Belmont." "I volunteer there twice a week." "I have a soft spot for animals." " No!" " No!" "Quick." "Create a diversion." "Do something." "Think!" "Come here." "Help!" "Sick pervert licked my pants!" " Pervert!" " Help, help!" "No!" "Will you just get in the van?" "Bad!" "Licker!" "Help!" " Okay, okay." "You can stop." " Is there a problem here?" "She didn't beat me up too bad." "I'm fine." "Thanks." " Really, it's okay." " You want us to pound this guy for you?" "Linds, tell them." "Linds?" "No." "Thanks anyway." "Thanks, guys." "You're doing a great job." "Thank you." "I need..." "I need a push!" "Need a push." "Oh, for the love of God." "Well, I think that went pretty well." "Hi, honey, it's your mother." "Listen, that rash you described really doesn't sound like jock itch." "Maybe you should get it checked out." "Call us later." "Love you." "It was a spider bite." "Hey, it's AJ and Hack." "There's been a change of plan." " Your friends here, we want..." " Wait, wait, 25." "Twenty-five grand apiece." "Or we ain't letting them go." "Ever." "I suggest you take this seriously and don't get any ideas." "And I think the cops will be real interested in your involvement anyway." "When you have the money, leave a message on my pager." "We'll give you instructions." " Oh, shit." " The painters?" "Come on, come on." "Hey." "What are you doing here?" " Can I ask you a question?" " Yeah, sure." "Where did you get those painters?" " Joe." " Okay, you need to tell us." " We really need to know." " Please." "Oh, they're ex-cons trying to make a fresh start." "But hey, everybody deserves a second chance, right?" "Plus, they work cheap." "Under the table." "What exactly did they do?" "Burglary, assault." "I think they stole a car or something." "But hey, I had no problems with them." "Look, they did a solid job with the walls." "Oh, no." "I keep telling you, Danny, don't hold the past against them." "I mean, they're just trying to change their lives around, you know." "Did something happen?" "No, no." "We gotta go." "See you later, Joe." "We have to go to the police, explain things." "Explain what?" "That we just hired two convicted felons to a harmless kidnapping job and things aren't going our way?" "We are totally screwed." ""Fraternities do it all the time." "It's a prank."" "Listen to me." "If I get arrested for this, I'm gonna rip your balls off." "Okay, think." "Think, think, think." "Think, think, think." "There has to be a way out of it." "Where were they supposed to take them?" "Oh, a cabin up at Jackson's resort." "Up in Big Bear." "Yeah." "I got a free room because I told them we're doing a location scout." " You know, for the shoot." " What were you thinking?" " What?" " What if Jackson goes there?" "He's a micromanager!" "And he doesn't exactly have the best sense of humor." "Oh, you're gonna get me fired." "Okay." "They probably wouldn't go there anyway." "They'd expect us to look for them there, you know." " We have to check it anyway." " Hey, Linds, it's pointless." "They're not gonna go there, and even if they did..." " Daniel Roenick." " Yeah." "I'm Detective Branson." "This is Detective Rawlings." " Can we come in?" " Holy shit." " Excuse me?" " Please, come on in." " There you go." " Hello." "Is this your lovely wife?" "Oh, no." "We're friends." "Lindsay." "Lindsay." "Oh, I like those shoes." "Oh, thanks." "They were on sale." "Well, we're investigating a possible abduction that took place outside State Federal earlier today." "You were there, right?" " How'd you?" " A video on one of the ATMs picked up part of the incident, which involved whoever you were talking to." " A friend?" " Yeah, it was Troy." " Troy?" " Last name?" "Riley." "Troy Riley." "It's R-l-L..." "Is it double L, or is it one?" "It's one L." "R-l-L-E-Y, Riley." "So now, tell me, have you seen Troy since the bank?" "Actually, he was here half an hour ago." " He was?" " Yeah." " But his timing was really bad." " Really bad." "We were having sex." "But I thought you said you two were just friends." "Friends who have sex." "Well I guess we jumped the gun on this one, didn't we?" "Oh, well, slow crime day." "Well, we'll be seeing... oh, say, listen." "You wouldn't have Troy's number, would you?" "I would love to give him a call and just ask him about this." "You know, I do, but the thing is he went away for two weeks." "He went snake fishing." "Well, still and all, I would love to have that number." " Okay." " Great." "Now, question:" "California Penal code 148A, obstruction of justice is that one year state prison?" " County." " County." " Bring in kidnapping, then you go state." "Oh, you are so good at that legal trivia, aren't you?" "Oh, is that it?" "Thank you so much." "Now, you two have a nice weekend." "Here, let's see." "Will they?" "Yeah... oh, well..." " okay, we check the cabin." " Yeah." "Hey, mate." "Wait up." "Packer, where have you been?" "Just antique hunting." "And look what I found, a ball from 1998." "Come on, we need you." " Can I shower first?" "I stink." " No, get in the car." "Where are we going?" "I'm supposed to meet Jamie in an hour." " Hey." " Silence." "You know this is against my will, right?" "Kidnapping is a serious offense." "So let me just get this straight." "You paid 200 bucks to have Troy and some strange woman kidnapped by two criminals who now want wait for it, $50,000." "Oh, good." "You were listening." "This is silly, because they're not gonna be in the one place you told them to go." "They'd have to be America's dumbest criminals." "A show which is very popular in Britain, I might add." "You know what, Packer?" "If you have a better place to look I'm all ears, but until then, can you just...?" "You know?" "You know, I'm fast becoming a great, great fan of your "extreme dating" thing." "It's so much better than dinner and a movie." "Finally!" "Were the gags really necessary?" "Shut up or it goes back in, right?" "Look, don't worry." "I'm gonna get us out of this." "Who are they?" "What do they want?" "I don't know." " I'm Troy." " Amy." "I was..." "You got free." " Yeah." " Hurry." "Hey, Hack." "You ever notice how the flames, they move eternally in an effortless dance of light?" "Of course." "Undo me." "Okay, okay, don't worry." "I've got a better idea." "What?" "Amateurs." "Guys, guys, what are you doing?" "Can't you tie a decent knot?" "Almost ruined the whole thing." "And you know what?" "That slap on the head, that really hurt, pal." "I mean, it's okay." "If anything, I think you could be a little more intimidating." "I don't think she's that scared." "Okay, I think we can try a little harder." "It's going good, though, huh?" "Her name's Amy." "That..." "That's pretty tight." "What happened?" "Why did you go out there?" "We could have gone out the window." "I thought that I could take them out." "Be a hero because I'm a black belt." "I'm trained in tae kwon Miyagi." " So which cabin is it?" " I don't know." "It's either 12 or 21." "I don't remember." "Why don't you just ask the guy at the lodge?" "I don't wanna freeze to death bumbling around in the dark." "Oh, go to the lodge." " Hello?" " Evening, I'm walter." "What can I do for you folks?" "Actually, we're here to visit a friend." "Last name, Roenick." "Have they checked in yet?" " I'll let you know right now." " Okay." " That cabin is occupied." " Great." "Are they in room 12 or 21?" "Sorry, I can't give out the number." "I can call and announce that you're here." "Actually, you know what?" "It's kind of gotta be a surprise." "I'd really like to help, but rules are rules." "You and your damn rules." "No pets, no smoking and no oral sex." " Oh, my God." " Listen, walter, this is really important." "Can't you please just make an exception?" "Please?" "Come on." "You can help us." "I mean, do we look like we're gonna cause a problem?" "Did my wife look like she was about to cause a problem?" "I'm sorry." "Look." "We're associates of Marshall Jackson, the owner." "And you would be?" " Sorry." " Yeah, all right, look, old man!" "You tell me where our friends are." "You better spill your guts, or so help me..." " Sorry, sir." " Take it easy." "This isn't over yet." "All right?" "Not even close." " Good evening." " Worry, boy!" " Guys, down, now!" " Okay, okay." " All right?" " That went well." "Just give me five minutes with him and he'll talk." "Okay, listen." "Either they're in 12 or 21, okay?" " I just say we check both of them." " Okay, I'll take Rambo and check 12." "You go and check 21." "Fine." "AJ." " Hey, AJ." " Does this look orange enough to you?" "Come on, I need you to focus, all right?" "Go check the girl." "Make sure she's secure." "The last thing we need is her loose." "What was that?" " What was what?" " I heard a noise outside." "It's probably just a bear or a wolf." "They've got that stuff out here." "A bear?" "I got Fruit Roll-Ups in the car." "Hey, what did I just say?" "Focus, focus." "Not good." "It's glass." "I thought only birds were that stupid." " Hi." "Terribly sorry." "It seems I slipped." " Who the hell are you?" "And this better be good." "A punk-ass thief, that's what, or maybe a peeping Tom." "Oh, no, no." "I'm neither, I assure you." "I was just looking for my friends and I didn't know which cabin they were in." " I mean, I'll pay for the window." " Call the cops, Earl." "No, no, wait, okay." "There seems to have been some kind of misunderstanding." "It's okay, it's good." "Good as new." "Can't we just sort this out between ourselves?" " Let the cops handle him." " Wait." "We really could use a fourth." "A fourth." "A fourth what?" "Okay." "They're not in 21 unless they turned into an elderly chinese woman." "Not in 12 either." "And there's been a new development." "Where's Packer?" "Okay." "Let me just make sure that I understand." "Best of five, myself and Maggie, against the two of you." " You got it." " Okay." "Now, losers have to run naked up to the main lodge and back." "That's funny." "Wait, you're joking, right?" "No." "Okay." "Look, how long is this gonna take?" "Because I'm in the middle of an emergency right now." " My friends..." " It'll take as long as it takes." "Do we look like people who give a shit about time?" "Stop it, Jake." "You just score me some triple words, honey." "We'll be just fine." "So, Amy are you from L.A. Originally?" "No, chicago." "Oh, the windy city." "You know, Boston is actually windier, technically." "I didn't know that, Troy." "Yeah." "Well, you know, when we get out of this, if..." "If we get out of this, we'll always have a special bond between us." "Are you hitting on me?" "Am I hitting on you?" "I just wanna go home, got it?" "If you're horny, get me out of here and I'll have sex with you." "Why does it always have to be about sex?" "Like that's all I want." "Like I'm some sort of man ho." "I just wanted to get to know you a little." "You seemed like a nice person, but I guess I was wrong." "I'm sorry, okay?" "Look, just get me out of this and we'll go out for coffee." "How's that?" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "What?" "Bathroom." "I need to use the bathroom." "It worked, man." "She likes me." "It's time to do the escape." "You gotta take a leak or not?" "No, no, no, forget that." "No, no, no, wait, wait, wait." "Here's what I'm thinking, okay?" "We're gonna walk back in there and then I'm gonna give you a karate chop:" "And then I'm gonna sneak her out the window." "No, no." "You know what?" "You're right." "We don't want it to look too staged." "We should kind of figure it out." " Maybe you should put up a decent fight." " Okay." "Is that what you meant?" "Look, maybe you were just wrong about the number." "Maybe I was." "Maybe they're in a different cabin." "We're not gonna know unless we look in the logbook." " Walter's got it." "Exactly, which is why we have to sneak in and take a look, real quiet-like." "I can't do that." "What do you mean, you can't?" "I'm not cut out for burglary." "I mean, what if we get caught?" "Then we'll just add burglary to the kidnapping charges." "Okay, okay, okay." "I'm gonna let my hand go, just stay here." "Good." "Good evening." "Hi." "It's Lindsay, right?" "Yeah, hi again." "What are you doing here?" "We followed you here." "See, we had this strange feeling, maybe you and your pal weren't telling the whole truth earlier." " Yeah." "Why would you think that?" "People get nervous when they're hiding something." "I'm not nervous." "I mean, I wasn't." "I mean, I don't..." "So..." " You followed us?" " Was that Daniel I saw running in up there?" "Yeah, he went in to get us..." "To get us a cabin." "Well, you know what?" "It's late." "Maybe we should just get a cabin too." "No, no, no." "I really don't think that's a good idea." " I mean, I hear this place sucks." " Linds, bad news." "Yeah, there's a problem." "We can't get a cabin, right?" "There's no vacancy." "Nothing available." "It's a damn shame." " Gosh." "Well, we better go home now." " Yeah, that's true." " Good night." "Good seeing you." " Good night." "Excuse me." " Safe drive." " All right, come on." " Okay, coming, honey." " Buckle up." "They followed us." "We're totally screwed." "Did you get a look at the logbook?" "Nope." "Probably walter locked it up for the evening." " We are going to jail." " Yeah, we really could." "I don't have enough vacation time to cover my sentence." " Okay, stop making jokes." " Okay." "Okay." "We are directly responsible for a kidnapping." "All right, okay, but it could be worse, you know." " Could have got caught on a weeknight." " Oh, what about Troy and that girl?" "Hey, hey, hey, we'll think of something." "Don't cry." "I'm not crying." "All right, listen." "I'm gonna fix it, okay?" "Somehow." "Danny." "I'm scared." "Wow, that's a first." "What are we gonna do?" "Hey, there's the woman from the lodge, 12 o'clock." "Excuse me, hi." " Hi." " Hello." " Remember us?" " Hello." "I have to get back." "Walter's in a mood." "Can you wait?" " Listen, we just wanna find our friends." " That's right." " Can you help us?" " Well I can tell you that your friends asked for a cabin change when they checked in." " Wouldn't say why." " So they are here, then." " Yeah, which cabin?" " Yeah." " Come on." " Why should I tell you that?" " Well, because..." " I know." "I'll help you beat the crap out of walter." "Tempting, but sorry." "Wait, wait, wait, okay, okay." "I will tell you how walter can give you better you know, oral pleasure." "Deal." "My face hurts." "Does it look bad?" "You should see the other guy." "He's got this wicked face-print on his knuckles." " You just know he's sorry." " Okay, okay, you know what?" "I'm just not liking you all that much." "Damn, and I so wanted a boyfriend out of all this." "That is the last time that I take a punch in the face for you." " Good." " Good." "You were trying to help." "I would've had you out of here already if these idiots would just do it right." "What do you mean, "do it right"?" "Nothing." " You meant something." " No, no, I meant nothing." "I cannot be expected to make sense all of the time." "I'm gonna try the window." "Hey, what's all the racket?" "What the hell's going on in here?" "We saw a tree-horned owl on the ledge and it banged into the glass." "Yeah, yeah." "She really likes tree-horned owls." "Of course." "Who doesn't?" "No, no, no, wait, wait, wait." "You know, we should talk." "It's been long enough." "So talk." " Let us go." " Or what?" "Or I'm gonna shove this chair up your ass, pal." "One second." "I think it's gonna work." "I'll tell you what." "Hey, what are you doing?" "There." "Hey, hey, hey." " That looks..." " what is wrong with you?" "This is not part of..." "Never mind." "Oh, no." "No, no, no." "This is not funny." "Shut up." "There's their car." "What if we slash their tires so they can't get away?" "I don't think so." "I think they'd hear something." " I wonder, who is that?" " I don't know." " Maybe they're switching cars." " Hey, maybe it's their boss." "What if they're part of a ring?" " Oh, shit." "It's Jackson." " Oh, my God." "This is bad." "What the hell is he doing here?" "I don't know, he's a micromanaging workaholic, idiot!" "Okay, okay, just relax." "Maybe they won't open the door and he'll just go away." "Move out of the way, son, it's cold out here." "You two wanted to meet." "And you part of the creative team?" "Right, yeah." "Creative team." "All right, well, then where's my producer?" "Where's Lindsay?" "She's not here." "Damn." "Damn!" "I had this idea for this spot." "I'll run it by you two." "Check this out." "The whole thing is a big montage of couples doing different things." "What do you think?" "I like it." "All right, good." "Elaborate." "I like it a lot." "Oh, brilliant, just brilliant." "Sharp insight." "I will assume now that the two of you exist solely to move equipment around." "Where are my writers, Roenick and Riley?" "Yeah, well, they're not here." "They went out." " We're the only one's here." " I gotta take a leak!" "Riley, what the hell is this?" "Jackson, I should have known you were behind this." "You and your goons." "Well, you'll never get away with it." "I will never tell the location of the hidden rebel base." "I'll die first." "Now, let the girl go." "She knows nothing." "What's going on here?" " What's your problem?" " Why'd you do that?" "Why does anybody do anything?" "I don't know." " Get out of my way." " Go get him." "No, wait." "Let him go." "That wasn't supposed to happen." "Who was that guy?" " It doesn't matter." "We stick to the plan." " The last time you said that you ended up locked in a trunk of a Buick with a transvestite." "Can we go one day without bringing that up?" "Wait, wait, wait." " Mr. Jackson, whatever happened..." " I'll call the police." "It's not what you think." "It's not what it looks like." " Please don't fire us, please." " It's not how it looks?" "Fired, fired, fired!" " No." " You get out of my way." "I assure you, everything is gonna be fine." " Fired." " Please, no." "Please, don't." "We're the best in the business." "We did award-winning campaigns for Pepsi and Rolaids and Kenny Rogers Roasters!" "Okay, I think you were right." "Maybe the cabin was a bad idea." "Okay, okay, I'm a secret agent." "I can't hide it anymore." "I didn't tell you earlier for your own protection." "Okay, come on, stop looking at me like that." "I can't believe my career is over." "Okay, I'm sorry about that, I really am, but we have to help Troy now." " We have to help Troy." " All right." "I have to think of something." "Wait, they haven't seen you yet." "They have not seen you yet." " Your point?" " Well, you could create a diversion." "I could sneak in the back window." " Or something." " What do you want me to do, huh?" "I'm a mess, okay?" "And I'm just a little bit scared, Danny." "Okay, okay, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking." " You could be a hooker, a hooker." " No!" "Okay, wait, wait, wait!" " You could be a Jehovah witness." " I can't do that." "Linds, what's wrong?" "What's wrong?" "What is wrong?" "My entire world is falling apart and now you want me to seduce a pair of ex-cons." "I'm sorry, but I guess I'm just having kind of a rough day, you know." "I mean, I'm gonna get fired." "I'm gonna go to jail and now it's time for me to get raped and killed?" "I can't do it." "I just..." "All right, Linds." "Look, I'm gonna tell you how I really feel and I should've told you a long time..." " oh, screw it." "I'm not a weak person." "I can do this." "You want a distraction." "You got one." "Go get them." "You know, we can't keep those two forever." "It's too much work." "I can barely take care of my cat." "Maybe this is it." "Go put their gags in." "Anyone home?" "Hi." "You wouldn't happen to be Lindsay, by any chance?" "No." "I'm Alice." "I'm staying in the next cabin over, and I just got bored and I went for a walk and saw your lights on and I thought maybe..." " Maybe what?" " Maybe you wanted to play." "Hey, look, little girl, we're busy." "Maybe another time." "Oh, I get it." "Now I see." "I guess I'm not really your type at all." "Hey I'm all bush, baby." "But two big boys like you alone in the woods I don't know, it just seems kind of... well, maybe we just enjoy each other's company." "Well, I think you could use a woman's touch, huh?" "Come on." "Damn it." "Okay." "Where's Packer when you need him?" " "Crumbly."" " Yes, 21, yeah!" " That's not a word." " It is a word." " Okay, use it in a sentence." " The cookie was crumbly." "That doesn't make any sense." "It doesn't count." " It's a word." " Okay, you got a dictionary?" "Let him have it." "He's gotten away with worse." "This is ridiculous." "Thanks." "So, Alice your husband's a wimp, huh?" "Not really." "He just has a small dick." "I think that's enough chitchat." "Let's get it on." "Whoa, wait a minute, ram jet!" "Let me finish my beer." "You boys are into some kinky stuff." "I really like that." "Lindsay, I want this thing to end." "Lindsay?" "So you are Lindsay." "Perfect." "God, Troy, you really are kidnapped." "We hired ex-cons by mistake." " Right." " Troy, I'm not kidding, it's not a game." "Got that right." "Go get the other one." "Let's get out of here." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you talking about?" "Wait." "Wait, Linds!" "Linds!" "Lindsay, what are you doing?" " Now what?" " Thinking." " Don't strain yourself." " Shut up." "Let's head back to L.A." "So you never figured out it was for real." "No, Lindsay, you don't understand." "It was all a setup." "You wanna run that part by me again, Troy?" " Not really, no." " They hired us to kidnap you so he could get to know you better." "What?" "Troy?" " Yeah, but then these jerks got greedy." " I don't believe this." " Oh, Amy, look." " Shut up!" "Don't talk to me!" "I'd be pretty pissed too, if I were you." "Jesus, streakers!" "Go, Maggie!" "Packer!" " Linds, what are you doing?" " Why are you naked?" "We're stuck!" " Hey, naked boy." " What?" " Give us a push, now!" " Oh, no, I don't want to." "Go, go, go." " Put your back into it." " It's not going anywhere." "Packer, they're taking us back to L.A." "In England, I had normal friends." "Walter?" "First, I get punched in the face by some nut from my own ad agency." "Then my engine dies and I cannot get out of this backwater butt park and then I'm standing here waiting for some AAA guy who you said was gonna be here 18 minutes ago, when this lovely lady named..." " Maggie." " Maggie came stumbling out of the woods stark naked." "Yes!" "And now I'm standing here waiting to greet some damn mechanic in my underwear because this evening isn't uncomfortable enough yet." "What?" "He's here." "About time!" "The engine just died on me, so I would..." "There's a bear in my carburetor." "Is that what the kids call it these days?" "Did that bear just fix your engine?" "No." "Thanks for nothing, Yogi." "The old ones took my clothes." "They made me run." "Pack, I'm really not in the mood right now, okay?" "Terrific." "So let me just ask you this." "Why did you have to involve me?" "I was supposed to have dinner and sex with Jamie." "Not that this wasn't as good." "I didn't involve you, Pack." " You dragged my ass out here." " Lindsay did, okay?" "She wanted your help." "This wasn't supposed to happen." "You were not supposed to be part of the plan." " All right?" " What do you mean?" "Danny set up the whole thing." "You still don't get it." "Linds, you don't get it." "The phone call, the ransom you and Danny coming up to rescue us?" "He planned it all." "What?" "No, he couldn't have." " The police came." " The detectives, they were actors." "I think that one of them was actually the delivery guy." " Why would he do this?" " You really don't know why?" "He wanted a chance at extreme circumstances with you." "He thought that maybe it would push you guys past the friends barrier." "He's nuts about you." "You're mad, aren't you?" "Piece of shit." "I'm gonna kill him." "I'll pluck his eyelashes out with a tweezer." "You people are fucked." "No." "You two should be flattered." "Look at the lengths we would go to for you." "It's impressive, eh?" "Hey, wait." "Wait a minute." "No, if this is all planned why did you just screw it up by telling me?" "Well, see that's the thing, is that it was all planned." "They were supposed to let me escape any time I wanted to." "What are you saying?" "We might be really kidnapped." "Hi, honey, Mom again." "Listen, I found your old porn collection under the bed." "Do you want Ashley's Dirty Little Secret, or can I throw that out?" "Love you, muffin." "Kisses." "Oh, Mom." "Let me be clear here." "This is real now." "Fifty grand, or you never see these three again." "Got it?" " Page us when you have the money." " Have you seen the cat, man?" "What have I done?" "We're gonna have to get them out for real." "How are we gonna find them?" "Could be anywhere." "Fifty grand, or you never see these three again." "Got it?" " Page us when you have the money." " Have you seen the cat, man?" "There, in the background." " Sounds like AJ, something about a cat." " Yeah, he said, "Have you seen the cat?"" " They just got a cat." " Bingo." "They went home." "These have got to be the stupidest criminals on the planet." "Yet their plan was smarter than yours." "You know what?" "Someday we're gonna laugh about this." " Shut up!" " Shut up!" "What the hell is going on in here?" "I have neighbors." "Would I act like this in your house?" "This is your house?" "So you're the big Barry Manilow fan?" "Yeah, I like the Man-ster." "You can either accept it or be destroyed by it." "Look, despite that latest revelation you seem like the sensible one here." "Would you please just let us go?" " I can't do that." " Let me rephrase that." "Would you please just let me go?" " I had nothing to do with this." " Sorry." "Hey, I'm kind of allergic to cats." "Look, Danny can't get the money." "He can't." "Let us go and we'll just say it was a big misunderstanding." " Right?" " Right." "AJ!" " AJ, hey!" "Where are you?" " Yeah, I'm coming." "Wait, your cat." "That must be torture for you." " It is." " Good." "Freeze." "I said, stop!" "I have a gun." "I will shoot you." "Shoot her, you pig." " Put your hands behind your back." " Can you stop making that noise?" "What do you have against Slinky?" "Nothing, I'm trying to watch this video." "I heard it's the one where they caught Johnny c flashing the rest home." "Johnny c?" "Cellblock D?" "Oh, sweet." "Who's that?" "I usually can't tell unless I open the door." "Ignore it." "What if it's somebody important?" "We've got people tied up in the other room against their will." "How important could it be?" " It's a kid." " Good, ignore him." "When Good criminals Go Bad returns see how this male prostitute fares against the police K9." "Wonder what he wants." "I don't care what he wants." "Don't answer that door." " No." "English, English..." " Get him out of here!" "I'm trying." "He's talking too fast." "What in the hell is that?" "Whoa, I don't understand a word you're saying, kid." "Should we scream for help?" "Oh, yeah, you want to get gagged again?" "Is that Spanish?" "Yeah, he's saying his kite is stuck in a tree and he needs their help." "If he doesn't get it down, his father's gonna gut him like a fish." "Oh, my God, I thought my father was tough." "Danny!" "The old Spanish kid diversion works every time." "Come on, let's go." "Great." "Just freaking great." "Now what are we supposed to do?" "I beg your pardon." " He was supposed to get the money." " He doesn't have it, Einstein!" " Just let us go." " What's going on?" "Gotta come up with another plan." "Oh, let's just let them go." "This isn't working." " I agree." " Shut up!" "There is another way." "There's gotta be." "It was all so very, very horrible." "Poor baby." "Not to mention, crumbly." " That isn't even a word." " Sure it is." " Don't start." " Okay." "Hello." " Linds." " You're so dead, Roenick!" "Wait!" "I can explain." " Explain with your balls in your throat!" " Stop!" "How did you get all these people in on this?" " Linds, stop." " Jackson, I mean, how did you get him?" "I didn't." "He wasn't part of the plan." "We really lost the account?" " Well, yeah." " Ass-wad!" "Troy, do you have something to tell me?" "Maybe I might have kind of told them." "But it's only because things got out of hand." "Thanks, bud." "What about her?" "Yeah, she knows everything, but we're working on reconciliation." "See, an hour ago she would have just ignored me." "Linds." "Hey, Linds, say something." "What were you thinking?" "I didn't know how else to..." "To what?" "To be with you." "Why didn't you just ask me out?" "Well, sure, that sounds better now, but..." "I mean, you know me better than anyone and..." " You didn't have the balls to ask me out." " Not fair." "You thought this was romantic when we were doing it to Troy, didn't you?" "See?" "Romantic." "Are you defending yourself?" " Don't even..." " Don't even what, hypocrite?" "You know what?" "Forget it." "This was a bad idea, okay?" " Do you think so, dick nose?" " Thank you." "Hey, could you go back to blaming him?" "I got my own problems here, thanks." "You have just gotten so desperate that you stooped to tricking your best friend into an extreme date." "Does the word "pathetic" mean anything to you?" "Throwing yourself at me a couple days ago, that's not desperate and pathetic, huh?" " I made a mistake." " Well, so did I." "So you have a big family?" "You're free!" "Okay, Linds, we're both adults here." "Linds." "Linds, Linds, do not, do not strike him." "They will hear you." "What are you doing?" "Linds, what are you doing?" "Hey, no, that's not a good idea." "Listen, I'm sorry." "There, you like that?" "I can't feel my nipple." "Oh, man." "If I could get out, I could probably climb down." "Maybe through the attic." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah, that doesn't look too hard." "Okay." "Yeah." "Okay." "Okay, okay." "Okay." "I got it." "Here we go." "Oh, boy." "They're awfully quiet down there." " Maybe they went out." " Yeah." "Hey." "Okay." "Hey, hey, hey." "Sorry about that, kid, okay?" "Thanks." "They were sleeping, so we kind of walked out." "Let's go on, let's get out of here." "Sorry." "Hey!" "They're gone." " What?" " They got away." "They're all gone." "Well, don't blame me, man, because you fell asleep too." "This sucks." "Well, it's not like we were gonna get any money anyway." "They didn't have any." "Yeah, maybe." "I don't know." "Now I can't help feel like we wasted a weekend." "Okay, okay, here's the thing." "Okay I couldn't quite come up with the amount that you wanted so here's 235 bucks and 63 cents." "That's all that I could come up with." "I mean, it's not that I don't think they're worth more." "We all know that they are." " Okay, we'll take this, then." " Okay." " But you'll let them go now?" " Yeah, I'm gonna call the guy who's holding them right now." "Hey, you saved them." "Yeah." "You did the right thing, naked boy." "Yeah." "Right." "They owe me so big for this." " Is Amy gonna press charges?" " Nah, she's not that kind of girl." "You really liked her, didn't you?" "Oh, yeah." "I tried to tell her, but she doesn't seem to trust me for some reason." " Plus, I think she hates me." " Come on, she doesn't hate you." "Why, what did she say, huh?" "She said she hates me." "Well, maybe it was the heat of the moment." "Look at me." "My nipple still hurts." "She leaves it on my voicemail." "She says she hates me every day." "Oh, well..." "She writes letters, sends them in the mail, all they say is "I hate you."" " Okay." " She hired a plane to write in the sky:" ""I hate you, Troy."" "She did not hire a plane." "Wow, she hired a plane." "Guess I deserved it." "What about you?" "What's going on with you and Linds?" "Well, we made our peace." "You know, it's just, things aren't the same." "You know, she avoids me at work." "I don't know, man, I guess it just wasn't meant to be, you know?" "You're wrong." "She'll get over it." "I mean, at least you know she cares about you." "You just need to learn to say how you feel." "See, Amy had no chance to care about me." "No." "Hey, she does care about you." "You just don't see that." "But the hate." "The hate." "Okay, if you don't care about someone, you ignore them." "You don't rent the plane for someone you don't have feelings for." "So, what do I do?" "What do you do?" "I don't know, try honesty." "Works for some people." "Come on." " Hey there." " Go away." " Got your letters." "Thanks." " Troy, go away." " Can I just say something?" " No." "Just a few words, please." "Oh, God!" "My eyes!" "Oh, my eyes!" "The pain!" "I can't breathe." " Say what you have to say." " That's your apology?" " Forget it." " No, wait, okay." "I'm sorry." "Hang on, hang on, please." "Amy." " What?" " Okay, okay." "Listen, I know I was a real jerk for doing what I did." "But I just..." "I just really like you." "Guys have a history of doing imbecilic things to win over woman." "I'm just following in a long line of idiots." "I'm over here." "See, I'm no good at picking women." "I seem to attract a certain kind." "A kind that is just all wrong for me and I just, I guess I'm afraid to go after someone who might actually be good for me." "And then, when I got to know you a little I just wanted to get to know you." "I'm nuts about you, Amy." "You're not even here, are you?" "I'm talking to a street sign." "No, I'm right here." " Hi." " Hi." "Let me guess, I had you at "listen"?" "No." "You had to say the whole thing." "And it helps that you're crying." "I know." "Now, you're not gonna just sleep with me and run, are you?" "Actually I don't believe in sex before marriage." "Me neither." " I am in love." " That's great, Troy." "All she wants to do is spend time with me." " Fabulous." " Like later tonight we're getting together just to watch Tv." "And tomorrow she's teaching me how to bake cookies." "You know, Troy, you really are turning into a woman." "Daniel, Troy, conference room right now." "Jackson's on his way up." "Jackson?" "I thought we lost the account." "Wait, why is he coming here?" "Oh, I'm scared." "Hey, Linds." "Hi, Troy." "Will you two at least be civil?" "Say something." "Does your nipple still hurt?" " A little bit." " Good." "Lindsay, I just got your e-mail and I gotta tell you that it is brilliant." " I get it now, and you got the campaign." " I didn't send you an e-mail." "The whole idea of extreme dating, I mean, it's gonna bring in a younger..." " Adventure-loving..." " Adventure-loving demo." "Hell, it even worked on me." "I'm normally about as romantic as a pubic hair." "I got a question for you." "How in the hell did you get that bear to play along?" "Hell, it don't make no never mind, because I really don't care." "Me and Maggs, we're off extreme dating in Paris." "Yeah, come on." " Say hi to Packer for me." " I will." " What the hell just happened?" " Don't ask." "Daniel, I have a vanessa on line three, says she's a friend?" "Okay, I'll take it." "Excuse me." "Line three?" "Come on, Linds, what are you waiting for?" "He still loves vanessa." "Why do you think vanessa left him?" "Because she wasn't in love with him anymore." "Wrong." "She left him because she knew he was in love with someone else." "He would've never been able to break her heart." "That's why she had to break his." "Because she knew he was in love with you." "Skyline Advertising." "One sec." "Skyline Advertising." "One moment." " Hey." " Hey." "Here you go." "Sign right there." "Hey, Ginger, will you page Sean for me, please?" "Hey, Lindsay, what's up?" "Hey, never mind, I see him." "Sean, hey." "Yeah, I'm gonna need that Dairy Queen promo again." "I'm not going anywhere near that storage closet with you, you psycho freak." " Go get it yourself." " Fine, I will." "Oh, my God, you're so not my office crush anymore." "I'm devastated." "Jerk." "Excuse me." "Here, hold this." "I'll be right back." "You know, somebody should lock her in a closet for a year, maybe two." "Maybe somebody will." "So, what are you, about 6' 10"?" " Hey, Linds." " What do you want?" "I wanna say one thing and I'll leave you alone." "So say it, then." "I'm sorry." "Official apology, right here, right now." "I am sorry." "Can we please just go back to being friends?" "No." "No?" "I wasn't really prepared for that answer." "Why did you do it, Danny?" "I told you, Linds." "I told you why I did it." "Not the whole truth." "And I wanna know." "Okay, you know what?" "Forget it." "Door's locked." "Hey!" "Hello!" " Hello!" " So how's it feel?" "You did this, didn't you?" "I think you better tell me why you did it." "Unless, of course, you think you can pick the lock with a pen." "Say it." "I did it because I love you." "Because I'm in love with you." "Because you're the only one I want." "The only one that understands me." "The only one I ever, ever want to be with, you know?" "And besides, no one else will go out with me, so... come here."