"Even if you accept the belief that the high Trendex means a rising sales curve..." " Mr. Thornhill." " Good night." " Say hello to the missus." " We're not talking." "My recommendation is still the same." "Spread the good word in as many small-time segments as we can." "Let the opposition have their high ratings while we cry all the way to the bank." "Why don't we colonize at the Colony next week?" "Let me hear from you, Sam." "Uh, happy thoughts, et cetera." "You better walk me to the Plaza." "MAGGIE:" "I didn't put a coat on." " Use your blood sugar, child." "Come on." " Next?" " Gretchen Sabinson." "Oh, yes." "Send her a box of candy from Blum's, $10." "You know the kind." "Each piece wrapped in gold paper." "She'll like that." "She'll think she's eating money." "Just say to her:" ""Darling, I count the days, the hours..."" " You sent that one last time." " I did?" "Well, put: "Something for your sweet tooth, baby, and all your other sweet parts."" " I know." " Could we take a cab, Mr. Thornhill?" " For two blocks?" " You're late and I'm tired." "That's your trouble, Maggie, you don't eat properly." "Here." "Taxi." "I have a very sick woman here." "You don't mind, do you?" " Well, no." "ROGER:" "Thank you very much." "Perfectly all right." " First stop, the Plaza." "Don't throw the flag." " Poor man." "Oh, come, come, come." "I made him a happy man." " I made him feel like a good Samaritan." " He knew you were lying." "Ah, in the world of advertising, there's no such thing as a lie." "There's only the expedient exaggeration." "You ought to know that." " Say, do I look heavyish to you?" " What?" "I feel heavyish." "Put a note on my desk in the morning:" ""Think thin."" ""Think thin."" " Better make it the 59th Street entrance." " Okay." "Oh." "Soon as you get back, call my mother." "Remind her we've got those theater tickets for tonight." "Dinner at 21, 7:00." "I'll have had two martinis at the Oak Bar, so she needn't bother to sniff my breath." " She doesn't do that." " Sure she does." "Like a bloodhound." "Bigelow at 10:30 is your first tomorrow, the Skin Glow rehearsal at noon then lunch with Falcon and his wife." " Oh, yeah." "Where was that?" " Larry and Arnold's, 1:00." " Oh." " Will you check in later?" "Absolutely not." "Here, driver, take this lady back where she belongs." " Right." " That ought to cover it." " Don't forget, call my mother right away." " I won't." " Good night, Mr. Thornhill." " Good night, sweetie." "Oh, wait, Maggie." "You can't call her." "She's at Mrs..." " Good evening." "ROGER:" "Good evening." "I'm looking for Mr. Weltner and two other gentlemen." "Yes, sir." "Right this way." "ROGER:" "Herman." " Roger." " I'm a little late." " Roger Thornhill." " Fanning Nelson." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" " Larry Wade." " We got a little head start here." " Oh, that won't last long." "I was telling Larry and Fanning you may be slow on starting but there's nobody faster." " What's the matter?" "You've got the fidgets." " I just did something stupid." "I told my secretary to call Mother." "I realized she won't be able to reach her." "HERMAN:" "Why not?" " She's playing bridge at one of her cronies'." " Your secretary?" " No." "My mother." "One of those new apartments." "Wet paint and no telephone yet." "MAN:" "George Kaplan." " Perhaps if I send her a telegram." " Mr. George Kaplan?" "ROGER:" "Boy." " Kaplan." " I've got to get off a wire immediately." "Could you send it for me if I write it out for you?" "Oh, I'm not permitted to do that, sir, but if you'll follow me." " Oh." "Will you excuse me, gentlemen?" " Go right ahead." " Right through there, sir." " Yeah, thanks." "Thank you, sir." "Wait, what's that supposed to be?" "The car's waiting outside." "You will walk between us saying nothing." " What are you talking about?" " Let's go." "Let's go where?" "Who...?" "Who are you?" "Mere errand boys carrying concealed weapons." "His is pointed at your heart." "So, please, no errors of judgment, I beg of you." "What is this, a joke or something?" " Yes, a joke." "We will laugh in the car." " Come." "ROGER:" "But this is ridiculous." "Don't tell me where we're going, surprise me." "You know, I left some friends back there in the Oak Bar." "They're going to think I'm awfully rude." "I mean, uh, couldn't we stop off at a drugstore for a moment so that I could explain I'm being, uh, kidnapped?" "Well, that is what's happening, isn't it?" "[CHUCKLES]" "Locked." "Who's Townsend?" "Really?" "Interesting." " Where is he?" " Upstairs, dressing." " Tell him I'm here." " The dinner guests are expected." "Never mind that." "Say to him: "Kaplan."" "By the way, what are we having for dessert?" " Is anyone in the library?" " No." "This way." "You will wait here." "Well, don't hurry." "I'll catch up on my reading." "[DOOR UNLOCKING]" "Good evening." "Not what I expected." "A little taller." "A little more polished than the others." "Oh, I'm so glad you're pleased, Mr. Townsend." "But I'm afraid just as obvious." "What the devil is all this about?" "Why was I brought here?" "Games?" "Must we?" "Not that I mind a case of abduction but I have tickets for the theater this evening." "To a show I was looking forward to." "And I get unreasonable about things like that." "With such expert play-acting, you make this very room a theater." "Oh, Leonard, have you met our distinguished guest?" "He's a well-tailored one, isn't he?" "My secretary is a great admirer of your methods, Mr. Kaplan." " Elusiveness, however misguided..." " Wait a minute." "Wait, wait." " Did you call me "Kaplan"?" " I know you're a man of many names but I'm perfectly willing to accept your current choice." "Current choice?" "My name is Thornhill." "Roger Thornhill." "It's never been anything else." "Of course." "Your friends picked up the wrong package when they bundled me out here in the car." "Do sit down, Mr. Kaplan." "I told you, I'm not Kaplan, whoever he is." "I'm..." " Excuse me." "LESTER:" "Yes?" "The guests are here, dear." "LESTER:" "Look after them." "I'll be with you in a few minutes." "Now, shall we get down to business?" "I'm all for that." "Simply, I'd like you to tell me how much you know of our arrangements and how you've come by this information." " I don't expect to get this for nothing." " Of course not." "Don't misunderstand, I don't expect you to fall in with this suggestion but the least I can do is afford you the opportunity of surviving the evening." "What the devil is that supposed to mean?" "Why don't you surprise me, Mr. Kaplan, and say yes?" "ROGER:" "I've already told you..." " We know where you're headed for." "I know where I'm headed." "I'm headed for the Winter Garden Theater in New York, and I think I'd better get going." "Townsend, you're making a serious mistake." "This is not going to lead to a very happy conclusion, Mr. Kaplan." "ROGER:" "I'm not Kaplan." " I do wish you'd reconsider." "We also know your contact in Pittsburgh since Jason committed suicide." "What contact?" "I've never even been in Pittsburgh." "On June the 16th, you checked into the Sherwyn Hotel in Pittsburgh as Mr. George Kaplan of Berkeley, California." "A week later, you registered at the Benjamin Franklin Hotel as Mr. George Kaplan of Pittsburgh." "On August 11th, you stayed at the Statler in Boston." "August the 29th, George Kaplan of Boston registered at the Whittier in Detroit." "At present, you are registered in room 796 at the Plaza Hotel in New York as Mr. George Kaplan of Detroit." " Really?" " In two days you are due at the Ambassador East in Chicago." "And then at the Sheraton-Johnson Hotel in Rapid City, South Dakota." " Not me." " There's very little sense in maintaining that you're deceiving us any more than we're deceiving you." "I don't suppose it would do any good to show you ID cards a driver's license, things like that?" " They provide you with such good ones." "It's getting late." "I have guests." "Do you intend to cooperate with us?" "I'd like a simple yes or no." "A simple no." "For the simple reason I simply don't know what you're talking about." "LESTER:" "Give Mr. Kaplan a drink, Leonard." "A pleasant journey, sir." " Scotch?" "Rye?" "Bourbon?" "Vodka?" " Nothing." "I'll take a quick ride back to town." "LEONARD:" "Oh, that has been arranged." "But first, a libation." "Bourbon." "You drink it." "I've had enough stimulation for one day." "It'll be easier if you take this yourself." "Otherwise, it'll be necessary for us to insist." "Cheers." "[ROGER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]" "[ROGER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]" "Don't worry about me, fellas." "I'll take the bus." "[CAR HORN HONKING]" "[TIRES SQUEALING]" "[CAR HORN HONKING]" "[TIRES SQUEALING]" "[CAR HORN HONKING]" "[POLICE SIREN WAILING]" "[TIRES SQUEALING]" "Thanks for the lift, fellas." "I want this man examined for driving while intoxicated." " Really?" " Yeah." "You see, they tried to kill me." "He won't listen to me." "In a big house, they tried to kill me." " All right, let's just go inside." " I don't wanna go inside." " Somebody call the police." " Come on." "Come on now." "Okay." "Sit down." "ROGER:" "I don't wanna sit." "Perfectly all right." "See?" "We'll get them." "We'll throw the book at them." "Assault and kidnapping." "Assault with a gun, and a bourbon, and a sports car." "We'll get them." "You'll be all right after a good night's sleep." "We got a nice cell all made up." " I don't want a cell." "I want a policeman." " The car was just reported stolen." " Uh-huh." " A Mrs. Babson up on Twining Road." " I got to call someone." "Where's the phone?" " You're allowed one call." " Over here." " Oh, thanks." "You better make it your lawyer." "Butterfield 8-1-0-9-8." "What am I, a telephone operator?" "Butterfield 8-1-0-9-8." "Just a minute, please." "Here." "Thank you." "[CLEARS THROAT]" "Hello, Mother?" "Mother, this is your son, Roger Thornhill." "Yeah." "Wait a minute, I'll find out." " Where am I?" " Glen Cove Police Station." "Glen Cove Police Station." "No." "No, Mother, I have not been drinking." "No." "No, these two men, they poured a whole bottle of bourbon into me." "No, they didn't give me a chaser." "No." "Come on, let's go." " Wait, I'm not finished yet." " Yes, you are." "Come on." "Mother, I gotta go now." "Get my lawyer right away, and come out and bail me out." "Tomorrow morning, tell her." "Tomorrow morning, he says." "I don't know." "I'll ask him." "She wants to know who says." "Sergeant Emile Klinger." "Sergeant Emile..." "Emile?" "Sergeant Emile Klinger." "No, I didn't believe it either." "Uh, I'm all right, Mother." "Good night." "Good night, dear." "That was Mother." "Let's go." "Here's your man, doctor." " What's your name?" " Roger Thornhill." "Stick out your tongue and say "ah."" "You better move back." "Ah..." "Have you been drinking?" "Doctor, I am gassed." "What were you drinking?" "Well, bourbon." "See, these two fellas, they..." " How much would you say you drank?" " What did you say?" " How much would you say that you drank?" " About this much." "Mr. Thornhill, it is my opinion that you are definitely intoxicated." "No question about it." "I am now gonna ask your permission to draw blood." "ROGER:" "How disgusting." ""You may refuse to permit a blood test to be made but if you do, your license will be revoked." "You have the right to notify a physician of..."" "It was at this point that Mr. Thornhill succeeded in escaping from his would-be assassins, and when they gave chase he naturally had to drive as best he could under the, uh, circumstances." "Counselor, how long have you known your client?" "Seven years, Your Honor." "JUDGE:" "Do you know him to be a reasonable man?" "LARRABEE:" "Absolutely." " Ha." " Mother." "JUDGE:" "And do you believe there is some credence to this story?" " Credence?" " Well, yes, Your Honor." "I mean, if my client says this is what happened I'm certain it must've happened." " You're damn right." "Sergeant, I want this turned over to the county detectives for investigation." "Call them up and have them come here immediately." " Right, Your Honor." "JUDGE:" "Counselor I'm going to set this over for final disposition tomorrow night at 7:30." "At which time I expect you and the defendant to be here, ready to go to trial." "In the meantime, the county detectives will determine if his story has any basis in fact." ""Basis in fact"?" "If I were brought in dead, you still wouldn't believe..." "Roger, wait a minute." "I mean, after all, Your Honor, would I make up such a story?" "That is precisely what we're intending to find out, Mr. Thornhill." " Yes?" "ROGER:" "Remember me?" " Yes, sir." "ROGER:" "Good." " Is Mr. Townsend at home?" " No, I'm sorry he's left for the day, sir." "Mrs. Townsend?" " Who shall I say is calling?" " County detectives." "Come in, please." "This way, please." "This is the room." " I'll call madam." "JUNKET:" "You do that." "And here's the sofa where they held me down." "They spilled bourbon all over it." "I'll show you the stains." "Well, they must've cleaned them off." "This is the cabinet where they keep the liquor." "Scotch, gin, vodka..." "And bourbon." "I remember when it used to come in bottles." "Roger, dear, we were so worried about you." "Did you get home all right?" "Of course you did." "Let me look at you." "Oh, a little pink-eyed, but aren't we all?" "It was a dull party." "You didn't miss a thing." "I want you all to know, I never saw this woman before last night." "[LAUGHING]" "I'm Captain Junket of the Nassau County Detectives." " This is Lieutenant Harding." " How do you do?" "You haven't gotten into trouble, Roger?" " Stop calling me Roger." " Has he gotten into trouble?" "Mr. Thornhill was picked up last night driving under the influence of alcohol and incidentally, in a stolen car." " Stolen car?" "JUNKET:" "Belonging to Mrs. Babson of Twining Road." "Roger, you said you were going to call a cab." " You didn't borrow Laura's Mercedes?" " No, I didn't borrow Laura's Mercedes." "Mr. Thornhill told us that he was brought to this house against his will last night and, uh, forcibly intoxicated by some friends of your husband and set out on the road." " Do you know anything about this?" " Well, now, captain Roger was a bit tipsy when he arrived here by cab for dinner." "She's lying." "TOWNSEND:" "And I'm afraid he became even worse as the evening wore on." "Finally, he told us he had to go home to sleep it off." "Oh, I knew I should've served dinner earlier." "What a performance." "Mrs. Townsend, does the name George Kaplan mean anything to you?" "TOWNSEND:" "George Kaplan?" " No." " I didn't think so." "Where's her husband?" "He's the one you should be questioning." " Is there any place he can be reached?" " Why, yes." "The United Nations." "United Nat...?" "TOWNSEND:" "He's addressing the General Assembly this afternoon." "All right." "So he's addressing the General Assembly." " Sorry we had to bother you." " No bother at all." "Now, wait a minute." "[GRUNTS]" "TOWNSEND:" "Will you be wanting to get in touch with my husband?" "JUNKET:" "No, Mrs. Townsend, that won't be necessary." "You mean you're not gonna do any more about this?" "Roger." "Pay the two dollars." "[GROANS]" "Goodbye." " I don't see why you want me along." " You lend a certain air of respectability." "Don't be sarcastic, Roger." "ROGER:" "There you are, dear." "Park yourself there." "Well, here goes." "Ahem." "Hello, Operator." "Have you got a George Kaplan staying here?" "That's right." "You have?" "Room 796?" "Ring it, will you please?" "You see?" "I see." "I hope he clears up this silly business." " You're ruining my whole day." " Shh, shh." "All right." "Quiet." "Shut up." "Oh." "Well, did he leave word when he'd be back?" "Really?" "Thank you." "Well, that's odd." "He hasn't answered his telephone in two days." "Maybe he got locked in the bathroom." "Mother, do me a favor, will you?" "Put on that innocent look you do so well and go to the desk and get the key to 796." "Don't be ridiculous." "I wouldn't do such a thing." " Ten dollars?" " Not for all the money in the world." " Fifty?" " Roger, you are disgraceful." "Car theft, drunk driving, assaulting an officer, lying to a judge." "And now, housebreaking." "You're hotel-breaking." "There's a difference." " Of five to ten years." "WOMAN:" "Just a minute, please." "Will you want me to be changing your bedding, sir?" "Yes." "Well, but not right now." "I mention it, because the bed doesn't seem like it's been slept in and I was wondering if I ought to go on changing the linens." " Oh." "Thank you for your interest." " You're welcome, sir." "Come on, now." "Now, she seemed to think I'm Kaplan." "I wonder if I look like Kaplan." " Oh, well, look who's here." " Who?" "Where?" "ROGER:" "Our friend who's assembling the General Assembly this afternoon." "Roger, I think we should go." " Don't be nervous." " I'm not nervous." " I'll be late for the bridge club." " Good." "You will lose less than usual." "Ooh." " Bulletin, Kaplan has dandruff." " In that case, I think we should leave." "[DOOR BUZZES]" "Too late." " You rang for me, sir?" " Yes." "Come in a moment." " What's your name?" " Elsie, sir." " Elsie, do you know who I am?" " You're..." "You're Mr. Kaplan." "Well, when did...?" "When did you first see me?" "Outside the door." "Out in the hall, a couple of minutes ago." "Don't you remember?" "And that's the first time you laid eyes on me?" "Can I help it if you're never around, Mr. Kaplan?" "Well, then, how do you know I am Mr. Kaplan?" " What?" " How do you know I'm Mr. Kaplan?" "Well, of course you are." "This is room 796, isn't it?" "So you're the gentleman in room 796, aren't you?" "All right, Elsie, thanks." " Will that be all, sir?" " For the time being, yes." "[DOOR BUZZES]" "Valet." "Oh, yes, come in." "Should I hang it in the closet, Mr. Kaplan?" "Yes, please." "Tell me, uh..." "I forgot, what time did I give you that suit?" "Last night, around, uh..." " Around 6." " Oh." " Did I give it to you personally?" " Personally?" "No." "You called down on the phone and described the suit to me and said it would be hanging in your closet." "Like you always do." " Anything wrong?" " No, no, just curious." " Here." "Thanks." " Thank you." "Nice to meet you, Mr. Kaplan." "Isn't that the damnedest thing?" "I'm beginning to think that no one in the hotel has actually seen Kaplan." "Maybe he has his suits mended by invisible weavers." "Oh..." "Let me see something." "I don't think that one does anything for you." "Ah, now, that's much better." "Now, obviously they've mistaken me for a much shorter man." "[PHONE RINGING]" " Should I?" " Certainly not." "Here, hold that, dear." "Hello." "MAN [OVER PHONE]:" "It's good to find you in, Mr. Kaplan." "Who is this?" "MAN:" "We met only last night, and still you do not recognize my voice." "I should feel offended." "Yes, I know who you are, and I'm not Mr. Kaplan." "MAN:" "Of course not." "You answer his telephone, you live in his hotel room and yet you are not Mr. Kaplan." "Nevertheless, we are pleased to find you in." "Now, wait..." " Hello, Operator?" "Operator." "WOMAN [OVER PHONE]:" "Yes?" "Operator, this is Mr. Thorn..." "Kaplan in 796." "That call." "Was that an outside call or did it come from the lobby?" "WOMAN:" "Just a minute, sir." "I'll see." " Well, hurry, please." "Who was it?" "One of the men who tried to kill me last night." " We're back to that one, are we?" " Hello?" "Operator?" "WOMAN:" "Mr. Kaplan?" " Yes." "WOMAN:" "That call was made from the lobby, sir." "It was?" "They're probably on their way up here now." " Come on." "Let's get out of here." " I think I'd like to meet these killers." "You gentlemen aren't really trying to kill my son, are you?" "[BOTH LAUGHING]" "[CROWD LAUGHING]" "MAN:" "Lobby, please." "Watch your step." "Oh, no, gentlemen, please." "Ladies first." "Come along, ladies." "That's right." "Come along." "Good." "Roger." "Roger, will you be home for dinner?" "DRIVER:" "Where to?" " I don't know." "Just keep going." " Take me to the United Nations." "DRIVER:" "Right." "General Assembly Building." "DRIVER:" "Right." " I'm being followed." "Can you do anything?" " Yes, I can." " Do it." " May I help you, sir?" " Yes, please." " Where will I find Mr. Lester Townsend?" " Mr. Lester Townsend of UNIPO?" " Yes." " And did you have an appointment, sir?" "Well, yes, yes." "He expects me." "Your name, please." " My name?" " Yes, please." "Kaplan." "George Kaplan." "One moment, please." "Wait for me at the corner of 47th." "If you'll give this to one of the attendants in the public lounge, she'll page him." " Thank you very much." " You're welcome, Mr. Kaplan." "WOMAN [ON PA]:" "Mr. Bernardi of the Swiss Observers Office." "Mr. Bernardi of the Swiss Observers Office." "Will you page Mr. Lester Townsend, please?" "Certainly, Mr. Kaplan." "Mr. Townsend of UNIPO." "Mr. Townsend of UNIPO." "Please call at the communications desk of the public lounge." "Mr. Townsend of UNIPO." "Please call at the communications desk of the public lounge." "Miss Knox of salon..." "You paged me?" " Mr. Kaplan?" " Yes." " You wanted to see Mr. Townsend." " Yes." " This is Mr. Townsend." " How do you do, Mr. Kaplan?" " This isn't Mr. Townsend." " Yes, it is." "There must be some mistake." "Mr. Lester Townsend?" "That's me." "What can I do for you?" "WOMAN:" "Mr. Mauney, Delegation of Pakistan." "Please call the public lounge." "Are you the Townsend who lives in Glen Cove?" "That's right." "Are we neighbors?" "A large, red-brick house with a curved, tree-lined driveway?" "That's the one." "Were you at home last night, Mr. Townsend?" " You mean in Glen Cove?" " Yes." "I've been staying in my apartment in town for the last month." "I always do when we're in session here." "What about Mrs. Townsend?" "My wife has been dead for many years." " Oh, I..." " Now, Mr. Kaplan, what's this all about?" "Forgive me." "Who are those people living in your house?" "What people?" "The house is completely closed up." "Just the gardener and his wife living on the grounds." "Now, Mr. Kaplan, suppose you tell me who you are and what you want." "Well, please, just..." "Look." "Do you know this man?" "[GASPS]" "Look!" "WOMAN 1:" "He's got a knife." "Look out!" "Listen to me." "I had nothing to do with this." "WOMAN 2:" "Call the police." " Wait a minute." "Don't come nearer." "Get back." "MAN 1: "The photograph has been identified as that of Roger Thornhill a Manhattan advertising executive, indicating that the name of George Kaplan which he gave to an attendant in the General Assembly Building was false." "A possible motive for the slaying was suggested by the discovery that earlier today, Thornhill appeared at Glen Cove police court charged with drunk driving with a stolen car." "In his defense, he charged that the murder victim, Mr. Townsend had tried to kill him the night before."" " Brother." " What about that?" "Does anyone know this Thornhill?" " No, not me." " Never heard of him." "FINLEY:" "Professor?" "Apparently, the poor sucker got mistaken for George Kaplan." "How can he get mistaken for George Kaplan when he doesn't even exist?" "Don't ask me how it happened." "Obviously, it happened." "Vandamm's men must have grabbed him and tried to put him away using Lester Townsend's house." "The unsuspecting Mr. Townsend winds up with a stray knife in his back." "[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]" "So horribly sad." "How is it I feel like laughing?" "What are we going to do?" "MAN 2:" "Do?" "About Mr. Thornhill." "We, uh..." "We do nothing." " Nothing?" " That's right." "Nothing." "Or we could congratulate ourselves on a marvelous stroke of good fortune." "Our non-existent decoy, George Kaplan, created to divert suspicion from our actual agent, has fortuitously become a live decoy." "Yes, professor." "And how long do you think he'll stay live?" "Well, that's his problem." "MAN 3:" "What Mrs. Finley means, is..." " Oh, I know what she means." "MAN 3:" "We can't sit back calmly and wait to see who kills him first." "Vandamm and company or the police." "What can we do to save him without endangering our own agent?" "Aren't we being just a wee bit callous?" "No, my dear woman, we're not being callous." "We didn't invent our nonexistent man and give him the name of George Kaplan and establish elaborate behavior patterns for him and move his prop belongings in and out of hotel rooms for our own private amusement." "We created George Kaplan and labored successfully to convince Vandamm that this was our own agent hot on his trail for a desperately important reason." "MAN 1:" "Check." " Nobody's denying that!" "Very well, then." "If we make the slightest move to suggest there is no such agent as George Kaplan give any hint to Vandamm that he's pursuing a decoy instead of our own agent then our agent, working right under Vandamm's very nose will immediately face suspicion, exposure and assassination." "Like the two others who went before." "Goodbye, Mr. Thornhill, wherever you are." "MAN [ON PA]:" "New York Central Railroad, train number 25 the 20th Century Limited due to leave at 6 p.m. For Chicago will depart from plank number 30." " Yes." "Yes, dear." "I know." "Now, listen to me, Mother, I beg you." "I called the Plaza." "Kaplan checked out." "He went to the hotel Ambassador East in Chicago." "Yes, that's why I'm..." "Well, I can't go to the police." "At least not yet." "You saw the newspapers." "My fingerprints are on the knife I'm a car thief, a drunk driver, and I murdered a man for revenge." "I wouldn't have a chance." "And I won't have, until I find George Kaplan who obviously knows what this is all about." "No, dear, the train." "It's safer." "Well, because there's no place to hide on a plane if anyone should recognize me." "You want me to jump off a moving plane?" "Yes." "Well, thank you so much, Mother." "Yeah, well, goodbye." "MAN:" "Attention, please." "New York Central Railroad, train number 25 the 20th Century Limited due to leave at 6 p.m." "Yeah." "ROGER:" "Uh, give me a bedroom on the 20th Century, please." "It's leaving in five minutes." " Yes, I know." "Could you make it snappy?" " I think they're all sold out." " Sold out?" "ATTENDANT:" "You can always go coach." "No, I can't do that." "What time is the next train?" "Nothing till 10." "You're in a hurry, huh?" "Well, could you call them and see what they have?" "Something wrong with your eyes?" "Yes, they're sensitive to questions." "Will you call them?" "Sure." "Sure." "Don't go away." "He's at Window 15, upper level." "Hurry." "You're in luck, mister, you..." " Ticket?" " I'm just seeing some friends off." "Sorry, I have to know their names before I can let you through." "Come here!" "Hey, come here!" "ROGER:" "Oh." " Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." " My fault." "Sorry." "He went that way." "I think he got off." "CONDUCTOR:" "All aboard!" " Thank you." " It's quite all right." " Seven parking tickets." " Oh." "MAN:" "Good evening, sir." "One?" " Please." "MAN:" "Cocktail before dinner?" " Yes, please." "A Gibson." "MAN:" "Right away." " Well, here we are again." " Yes." " Do you recommend anything?" " The brook trout." "A little trouty, but quite good." "Sold." "Brook trout." " There you are." "Thank you." "MAN:" "Yes, sir." "[ROGER SIGHS THEN CLEARS THROAT]" " I know." "I look vaguely familiar." " Yes." "ROGER:" "You feel you've seen me somewhere before." "Mm-hm." "Funny how I have that effect on people." "It's something about my face." "It's a nice face." " You think so?" " I wouldn't say it if I didn't." "ROGER:" "Oh, you're that type." " What type?" "ROGER:" "Honest." "Not really." " Good." "Because honest women frighten me." "WOMAN:" "Why?" "I don't know." "Somehow, they seem to put me at a disadvantage." " Because you're not honest with them?" "ROGER:" "Exactly." "Like that business about the seven parking tickets?" "Well, what I mean is, the moment I meet an attractive woman I have to start pretending I've no desire to make love to her." "What makes you think you have to conceal it?" "She might find the idea objectionable." "Then again, she might not." "Think how lucky I am to have been seated here." "Oh, luck had nothing to do with it." "Fate?" "I tipped the steward $5 to seat you here if you should come in." "Is that a proposition?" "I never discuss love on an empty stomach." "You've already eaten." "But you haven't." "Don't you think it's time we were introduced?" "I'm Eve Kendall." "I'm 26 and unmarried." "Now you know everything." "Tell me." "What do you do besides lure men to their doom on the 20th Century Limited?" "I'm an industrial designer." "Jack Phillips." "Western sales manager for Kingby Electronics." "No, you're not." "You're Roger Thornhill of Madison Avenue and you're wanted for murder on every front page in America." "And don't be so modest." "Whoops." "Oh, don't worry." " I won't say a word." " How come?" "I told you." "It's a nice face." "Is that the only reason?" "It's going to be a long night." "True." "And I don't particularly like the book I've started." "You know what I mean?" "Let me think." "Yes, I know exactly what you mean." "There's my trademark." "R.O.T." "Roger O. Thornhill." "What does the "O" stand for?" "Nothing." "I'd invite you to my bedroom if I had a bedroom." " A roomette?" " Nothing, not even a ticket." "I've been playing hide-and-seek ever since the train left New York." " How awkward for you." " Yes, isn't it?" "No place to sleep." "I have a large drawing room all to myself." "That doesn't seem quite fair, does it?" "Drawing room E." "Car 3901." "Such a nice number." "It's easy to remember." "Thirty-nine-oh-one." "See?" "No luggage." " So?" " Well, you wouldn't happen to have an extra pair of pajamas, would you?" "Wouldn't I?" "Incidentally, I wouldn't order any dessert if I were you." "I get the message." "That isn't exactly what I meant." "This train seems to be making an unscheduled stop." "And I just saw two men get out of a police car as we pulled into the station." "They weren't smiling." "ROGER:" "I think you better go out and tell those police to hurry." "Patience is a virtue." "ROGER:" "So is breathing." "Just lie still." "ROGER:" "Have you got any olive oil?" "EVE:" "Olive oil?" "ROGER:" "I want to be packed in olive oil if I'm gonna be a sardine." "[KNOCKING ON DOOR]" "Come in." " Who are you?" " State police." "Your name please?" "Eve Kendall." "Is anything wrong?" "There was a man at your table tonight in the dining car." " Yes." "OFFICER:" "Friend of yours?" "I never saw him before." "Is this the man?" "Yes, I think so." "It's not a very clear picture." "It's a Wirephoto." "We just got it from the New York police." " Police?" " He's wanted for murder." "Good heavens, no." "The steward said you left the dining car together." "We might have happened to leave at the same time, but not together." "What did you two talk about?" "Talk about?" "Your waiter said you were getting along good with this Thornhill." "Is that his name?" "Thornhill?" "You mean, he didn't tell you?" "He didn't tell me anything." "All we did was chat about different kinds of food train travel versus plane travel, that sort of thing." "Rather innocuous, I must say, considering he was a fugitive from justice." " Who did he kill?" " He didn't say where he was going, did he?" "No." "I assumed Chicago." "You think perhaps he got off when you got on?" "If you happen to catch sight of him again, Miss, uh..." "Kendall." "OFFICER:" " Will you let us know?" "I'm going to bed and I intend to lock my door." "So I doubt if I'll seeing anybody else tonight." "Well, just in case you do, we'll be in the observation car at the rear of the train." "It's comforting to know that." "Good night." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "Still breathing?" "ROGER:" "Either hurry up or get me a snorkel." "I'm looking for the can opener I stole from the porter." "Hello, there." "Hello." "Hmm." "Tell me, why are you so good to me?" "Shall I climb up and tell you why?" "You know, I've been thinking, it's not safe for you to roam around Chicago looking for this George Kaplan man you've been telling me about." "You'll be picked up by the police the moment you show your face." "Such a nice face too." "Now, don't you think it would be a better idea if you stayed in my hotel room while I located him for you and brought him to you?" "I can't let you get involved." "It's too dangerous." "I'm a big girl." "Yeah, and in all the right places too." "You know, this is ridiculous." "You know that, don't you?" "Yes." "I mean, we've hardly met." "That's right." "How do I know you aren't a murderer?" "You don't." "Maybe you're planning to murder me, right here, tonight." "Shall I?" "Please do." "Beats flying, doesn't it?" "We should stop." "Immediately." "I ought to know more about you." "What more could you know?" "You're an advertising man, that's all I know." "That's right." "Train's a little unsteady." "Who isn't?" "What else do you know?" "You've got taste in clothes, taste in food..." "And taste in women." "I like your flavor." "You're very clever with words." "You can probably make them do anything for you." "Sell people things they don't need make women who don't know you fall in love with you." "I'm beginning to think I'm underpaid." "[DOOR BUZZING]" "ROGER:" "Look out." "Oh, porter." " Don't bother with the washroom." " Yes, ma'am." "By the way, I found this on the floor." "Does it belong to you?" "Yes, ma'am." "I've been looking all over for it." " I'll wait outside." " Thank you." "EVE:" "Thank you, porter." "PORTER:" "Thank you, ma'am." "Good night, now." "EVE:" "Good night." "Come out, come out, wherever you are." "The porter." "So I see." "Now where were we?" " Here." "Oh, yes." " Nice of him to have opened the bed." " Yes." " Only one bed." " Yes." "That's a good omen, don't you think?" "Wonderful." " Do you know what that means?" " Mm-hm." "What?" "Tell me." "It means you're going to sleep on the floor." "A message from the lady in 3901." " You keep walking." "I'll catch up." " Yes, ma'am." " Anything to report, Miss Kendall?" " Why, yes." "I had a fine night's sleep." "No, I mean, have you seen the man we're looking for?" " Mr. Thornycroft?" " Thornhill." "No, no." "I'm awfully sorry." "But good luck to you both." " How are we doing?" " Oh, I may collapse at any moment." "Not yet." "First we have to run the gauntlet." "Look." "Hmm?" "I'm accustomed to having a load on, but what have you got in these bags?" " Bowling balls, naturally." " Oh, naturally." " Which one of these has my suit in it?" " The small one underneath your right arm." "Oh, thanks." "That ought to do the suit a lot of good." "I'm sure Mr. Kaplan won't mind a few wrinkles." "Yeah, if he's still there." "What time is it?" "Nine-ten." "Nine-ten?" "Well, he may have left his hotel room by now." "I'll call him for you as soon as we get inside the station." "No thank you, I can do it." "A redcap in a phone booth?" "Slightly suspicious." "I, uh..." "Well, all right." "What are you gonna tell him?" "Do you know that?" "Mm-hm." "You want to see him right away." "Terribly urgent." "Matter of life and death." " Mm-hm." "Right." " No explanations." "While I'm calling, you can change your clothes." "Where do you propose I do that?" "In Marshall Field's window?" "I sort of had the men's room in mind." "Did you, now?" "You're the smartest girl I ever spent the night with on a train." "I think we made it." "Where did he go?" " Which way did he go?" " Where did he go?" "I don't know." "He took my clothes." "And went that way." "Come on." "WOMAN [ON PA]:" "Departing at 10 a.m., Chicago daylight time for Michigan City." "[WOMAN ON PA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]" "Now ready on track number six." "Well, what took you so long?" "Well, I have a big face, small razor." "Tell me, did you get Kaplan?" " Yes." " Fine." "What did he say?" "Well, he'll see you, but not at the hotel under any circumstances." " He'll see you on the outside." " Well, where?" "When?" " I've got it all written down for you." " Thanks." "Take the Greyhound bus that leaves Chicago for Indianapolis at 2 and ask the driver to let you off at Prairie Stop, Highway 41." "Prairie Stop, Highway 41." "Good." "It's about an hour-and-a-half's drive from Chicago." "Fine." "I'll rent a car." "No car." "Mr. Kaplan said bus." "He wants to be sure you're alone." "All right." "What'll I do when I get there?" "Just wait beside the road." "He'll be there at 3:30." " Well, how will I know him?" " He'll know you." " You made the Chicago papers too." " Oh, yes." "Have you got your watch set for Central time?" "Yes, I did that." "Thanks." " What's the matter?" " Matter?" "Yes, you seem..." "I don't know." "You seem tense." "You know, you better go before the police run out of redcaps." "We'll see each other again, won't we?" "Sometime, I'm sure." "I never had a moment to thank you properly." "EVE:" "Please go." " Yes, but..." "But where will I find you?" "I've gotta pick up my bags now." "Oh, yes." "Well, these are the checks for the large cases." "Wait a minute." "Please." "EVE:" "They're coming." "Hi." " Hot day." " Seen worse." "Are you supposed to be meeting someone here?" " Waiting for the bus." "Due any minute." " Oh." "Some of them crop-duster pilots get rich, if they live long enough." "Yeah." "And, uh, then your name isn't Kaplan?" "Can't say it is, because it ain't." "Here she comes." "Right on time." " That's funny." " What?" "That plane's dusting crops where there ain't no crops." "Get out of here!" "The other tank may blow!" "What happened?" "Hey!" "Come back!" "Hey!" "Come back!" "Come back!" "Hey!" " Yes?" " Uh..." "Could you let me have Mr. George Kaplan's room number, please?" " Kaplan?" " Yeah." "I think he checked out." " He checked out?" " That's right." "He checked out at 7:10 this morning." " Seven-ten?" "Are you sure?" " Yes." "He left a forwarding address." "Hotel Sheraton-Johnson, Rapid City, South Dakota." "Seven-ten?" "Well, then how come I got a message from him at 9...?" "What's that?" "Nothing." "Nothing." "Sorry to bother you again." "Miss Eve Kendall is expecting me." "She's in room four-something." "I've forgotten the number." "Would you mind?" " She's in 463." " Oh, yes, that's right." "Thanks." "[DOOR BUZZES]" "Hello." "Surprised?" "Yes." "No getting rid of me, is there?" "I could use a drink." " I have some Scotch." " With water." "No ice." "How did it go today?" " The meeting with Kaplan?" " Uh-huh." "He didn't show up." "Oh?" "It's funny, isn't it?" "Why funny?" "Oh, after all those involved and explicit directions he gave you on the phone." " Maybe I copied them down wrong." " I don't think you got them wrong." "I think you sent me to the right place, all right." "Why don't you call him back again and see what happened?" "I did." "He checked out." "Went to South Dakota." "South Dakota?" "Rapid City." "Well, what are you going to do next?" "I haven't made my mind up yet." "It may depend on you." " On me?" " Sure." "You're my little helper, aren't you?" "Thank you." "To us." "To a long and lasting friendship." "Meaning, from now on, I'm not going to let you out of my sight, sweetheart." "I'm afraid you'll have to." " Oh, no." " I do have plans of my own, you know?" "And you do have problems." "Well, wouldn't it be nice if my problems and your plans were somehow connected?" "Then we could always stay close to each other and not have to go off in separate directions." "Togetherness." "You know what I mean?" "[PHONE RINGING]" "Go ahead, it can't be for me." "Hello?" "Yes." "No, not yet." "I'm not ready." "What time?" "I'll meet you." "What's the address?" "Yes." "Goodbye." "Business?" " Yes." " Industrial-designing business?" "Mm-hm." "All work and no play?" "A girl like you should be enjoying herself this evening instead of taking phone calls from clients." "What about having dinner with me?" " You can't afford to be seen anyplace." " Well, let's have it up here." "Nice and cozy." "No, I..." "I can't." "ROGER:" "I insist." "I want you to do a favor for me." " A big, big favor." " Name it." "I want you to leave right now." "Stay far away from me and don't come near me again." "We're not going to get involved." "Last night was last night and that's all there was." "That's all there is." "There isn't going to be anything more between us." "So, please..." "Goodbye." "Good luck." "No conversation." "Just leave." " Right away?" " Yes." "No questions asked?" "Yes." " No, I can't do that." " Please." " After dinner." " Now." "After dinner." "Fair is fair." "All right." "On one condition." "That you let the hotel valet do something with this suit first." "You belong in the stockyards looking like that." "Okay." "There's the phone." "Hello." "Valet service, please." "Hello, valet?" " Oh, this is r..." "Where are we?" " Four sixty-three." "Room 463." "How quickly can you get a suit sponged and pressed?" "Yes, fast." "Twenty minutes?" "Fine." "Okay, 463." "He'll be right up." "EVE:" "Better take your things off." "[GRUNTS]" "Now, what could a man do with his clothes off for 20 minutes?" "Couldn't he have taken an hour?" "You could always take a cold shower." "That's right." "You know, when I was a little boy, I wouldn't even let my mother undress me." " You're a big boy now." " Yes." "Tell me, how does a girl like you get to be a girl like you?" "Lucky, I guess." "Oh, not lucky." "Naughty." "Wicked." "Up to no good." "Ever kill anyone?" "Because I bet you could tease a man to death without half-trying." "So stop trying, huh?" "[DOOR BUZZES]" "Be with you in a minute." "ROGER:" "Huh?" " Trousers, please." "ROGER:" "There you are." "EVE:" "Thank you." "ROGER:" "I think I'll take that cold shower after all." "Good." "[SHOWER RUNNING]" "[ROGER WHISTLING]" "MAN 1:" "This magnificent pair of Louis XVI fauteuils." "Original gilt finish." "Upholstered in pure silk damask." "How much may I say to start?" "What am I bid?" "WOMAN 1:" "One hundred." "MAN 1:" "One hundred is bid." "Thank you." "One-fifty is bid here." "Say the 200?" "Thank you, 200 is bid." "Say the 300?" "I have 300." "Four hundred by the little lady." "Thank you, sir." "Four-fifty is bid for the pair." "Can I hear 500?" "Will you say 500?" "Can I say the 500?" "Fair warning and last call." "Sold to Mr. Stone, second row." "Four hundred and fifty dollars." "And now lot number 103." "This lovely Aubusson settee." "In excellent condition." "Please start the bidding." "How much?" "Eight hundred is offered, thank you." "Eight hundred is bid." "Say the nine?" "Go 900?" "Nine hundred is bid." "Now, who'll say 1,000?" "One thousand, thank you." "One thousand at 1,000." "Say 1,100?" " Can I hear 1,100?" "Selling at $1,000." " The three of you together." "ROGER:" "Now, that's a picture only Charles Addams could draw." "VANDAMM:" "Good evening, Mr. Kaplan." "ROGER:" "Before we start calling each other names, you better tell me yours." " I haven't had the pleasure." " You disappoint me, sir." "I was just going to say that to her." "VANDAMM:" "I've always understood you were a shrewd fellow at your job." "What possessed you to come blundering in here like this?" "Could it be an overpowering interest in art?" "Yes." "The art of survival." "Well, have you poured any good drunks lately?" "MAN 2:" "One hundred dollars." " He followed me here from the hotel." "He was in your room?" "Sure, isn't everybody?" "MAN 1:" "One hundred and fifty." "Thank you." "Now, say the two." "Do I hear two?" "Two hundred, thank you." "Now the three." "Do I hear three?" "Three hundred, anyone?" "Three hundred, thank you." "Now, the four." "Do I hear four?" "Four hundred, anyone?" "Four hundred is bid." "Say the five?" "I have 400." "I have 400." "I didn't realize you were an art collector." "I thought you just collected corpses." " Five hundred." "MAN 1:" "Five hundred, thank you." "I'll bet you paid plenty for this little piece of sculpture." "MAN 1:" "Now the seven." "Seven hundred?" " Seven hundred." "She's worth every dollar of it, take it from me." "Now, she puts her heart into her work." "In fact, her whole body." "Sold to Mr. Vandamm at 700." " Number 106 for your pleasure." " Oh, Mr. Vandamm." "Has anyone ever told you that you overplay your various roles rather severely Mr. Kaplan?" "First, you're the outraged Madison Avenue man who claims he's been mistaken for someone else." "Then, you play the fugitive supposedly trying to clear his name of a crime he knows he didn't commit." "Now you play the peevish lover, stung by jealousy and betrayal." "It seems you fellows could stand less training from the FBI and more from the Actors Studio." "MAN 1:" "Three-fifty I have." "Apparently, the only performance that'll satisfy you is when I play dead." "Your very next role." "You'll be quite convincing, I assure you." "MAN 1:" "Don't lose it for $25." "Thank you." "Three-seventy-five is bid." "I have 375, go the 400." "Three-seventy-five, go four?" "Four hundred is bid." "I wonder what subtle form of manslaughter is next on the program." "Am I to be dropped into a vat of molten steel and become part of a new skyscraper?" "Or are you going to ask this female to kiss me again and poison me to death?" "MAN 1:" "We offer catalog number 107." "Who are you kidding?" "You have no feelings to hurt." "MAN 1:" "How much to start the bidding on this collector's porcelain?" "Please start the bidding." "Kaplan, we've had just about enough of you." "ROGER:" "Then, why don't you send for the police?" "That's the last thing you'd want, isn't it?" "Me in the hands of the police." "There's something I might tell them." "That's the reason you had this one hustle me on the train." "Something seems to tell me I've got a better chance if I go to the police." "Good night, sweetheart." "Don't think it wasn't nice." "MAN 1:" "Say the 12." "Twelve hundred dollars there." "Twelve hundred is bid." "Say 1300?" "May I hear 1300?" "They're selling at 1200." "Do I hear 1300, please?" "Last call." "Sold." "Twelve hundred dollars." "Thank you." "And now catalog number 109." "This superb example of this early 17th century master." "It will enhance any collection of fine art." "What is your pleasure?" "How much to start?" "WOMAN 2:" "One thousand dollars." "MAN 1:" "One thousand is bid." "Twelve-fifty I have." "Now, 1500." "Fifteen hundred is bid." "Thank you." "Seventeen-fifty?" " I have 1750." "MAN 3:" "Two thousand dollars." "MAN 1:" "Two thousand is bid." "I have 2000." "Do I hear 2500?" "Twenty-five hundred, anyone?" "Twenty-two-fifty once." "Twenty-two-fifty twice." " Last call." " Fifteen hundred." " Well, the bid is already up to 2250, sir." " I still say 1,500." "I have 2250." "Do I hear 25?" " Twenty-two-fifty once, 2250 twice." " Twelve hundred." " Sold for 2250." "And now..." " Twenty-two-fifty for that chromo?" "Number 110 in the catalog." "A Louis XV carved and gilded lit de repos." "Would somebody start the bidding at $750, please?" "How do we know it's not a fake?" "It looks like a fake." "[CROWD GROANING]" "Well, one thing we know:" "You're no fake." "You're a genuine idiot." "Thank you." "I wonder if I could respectfully ask the gentleman to get into the spirit of the proceedings." "All right." "I'll start it at 8." "Eight hundred." "Thank you." "Nine hundred?" " One thousand is bid." "Go 12?" " Eleven." "Eleven is bid." "Thank you." "Go 12." "I have 11." "Go 12." "Who'll say 12?" "Eleven once." "Who'll say 12?" "Eleven twice." "Twelve, thank you." "Twelve is bid." "I have 12." "Go 13." "Who'll say 13?" "Thirteen dollars." "[CROWD LAUGHING]" "You mean 1300, sir." "No, no, no, I mean $13." "That's more than it's worth." "I..." "I have 1200." "Go 13." "Who'll say 13?" "Who'll say 1250?" "Twelve hundred once, 1200 twice." " Last call." "Twelve hundred." " Two thousand." "Two thousand?" "Twenty-one hundred." "I'm sorry, sir, but we can't..." " Make it 2500." "MAN 4:" "Ask him to leave." " Would the gentleman please cooperate?" " The last bid was 1200." "Twenty-five hundred." "My money's as good as anybody's." " Well, isn't it?" "Isn't it?" " I have..." " What was it?" " Twelve hundred." "I have 1200 once, 1200 twice." " Three thousand." "MAN 1:" "Sold for 1200." " I'm not gonna let you get away with that." " You'd better leave, sir." "No, you take your hands off me or I'll sue you." "[CROWD SHOUTING]" " What took you so long?" " Let's take a little walk." " Get moving." " I haven't finished bidding yet." "Three thousand." "I bid 3000." "I'm sorry, old man." "Too bad." "Keep trying." "Not so rough." " Handle with care, fellas." " In there." " I'm valuable property." " In." "Well, I want to thank you for saving my life." "Thank you, my friend." "Thank you." "Save it for the station house." "Well, let's have some smiles and good cheer." "You're about to become heroes." "Don't you know who I am?" "We'll find out as soon as we book you for being drunk and disorderly." "Drunk and disorderly?" "That's chicken feed." "You've hit the jackpot." "Chicago police capture United Nations killer." "My name is Roger Thornhill." "Here." " It's him." " That's right." "Congratulations, man." "Yeah." "FLAMM:" "This is 1055." "Sergeant Flamm." "We've got a man here who answers to the description of Thornhill, Roger." "Code 76." "Wanted by NYPD." "Positive ID." "Absolutely." "No question." "Michigan Avenue." "Proceeding north to 42nd precinct." "What?" "Come again?" "Are you sure?" "Okay." "Right." "Yeah, I got it." "One-oh-five-five, off and clear." " Where are we going?" " Airport." " For what?" " Orders." "Airport?" "I don't wanna be taken to an airport." " I want to be taken to police headquarters." " You do, huh?" "Why do you think I sent for you?" "How about this guy, Charlie?" "He sent for us." " Sit back." " Didn't you hear what I said?" "I want to be taken to police headquarters." "I'm a dangerous assassin." " I'm a mad killer on the loose." " You ought to be ashamed of yourself." "They said right here." "Does anyone mind if I sit down?" "I've been running all day." "Thought I'd never make it." "Getting too old for this kind of work." "All right, men." "Thank you." " This way, Mr. Thornhill." " Wait a minute." "We haven't much time." "Yeah, this way is more private." " I don't think I caught your name." " I don't think I pitched it." "You're police, aren't you?" "Or is it FBI?" "FBI, CIA, ONI." " We're all in the same alphabet soup." " Really?" "You can stick this in your alphabet soup." "I had nothing to do with that killing." " We know that." " You know it?" "Then why did you let the police chase me all over the map?" "We never interfere with the police, unless absolutely necessary." " It's become necessary." " Oh, I see." "Well, then, I take it I'm going to be cleared." "I do wish you'd walk faster, Mr. Thornhill." "We'll miss the plane." "Where are we going?" "New York or Washington?" "Rapid City, South Dakota." " Rapid City?" "What for?" " It's near Mount Rushmore." "No, thank you." "I've seen Mount Rushmore." "So has your friend Mr. Vandamm." "Vandamm?" "A rather formidable kind of gentleman, eh?" "What about that treacherous little tramp with him?" " Miss Kendall?" " Yeah." "His mistress." "We know all about her." "Tell me, what's Vandamm up to?" "Oh, you could say he's a sort of importer-exporter." "Of what?" "Oh." "Government secrets, perhaps." "Well, then why don't you grab him?" "There's still too much we don't know about his organization." "Oh, I see." "What's all this got to do with Mount Rushmore?" "Well, Vandamm has a place near there." "We think it's his jumping-off point to leave the country tomorrow night." " Are you gonna stop him?" " No." "Well, then what are we going there for?" "To set his mind at ease about George Kaplan." "Oh, you, huh?" "You're George Kaplan, aren't you?" "Oh, no, Mr. Thornhill." "There is no such person as George Kaplan." "What do you mean?" "I've been in his room." "I've tried on his clothes." "He's got short sleeves and dandruff." "Believe me, Mr. Thornhill, he doesn't exist." "Which is why I'm gonna have to ask you to go on being him for the next 24 hours." "Come on." "We'll discuss it on the plane." "[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]" "Now, look." "You started this decoy business without me, you finish it without me." "We might have if you hadn't stumbled into it." "You ought to give me a medal instead of asking me to be a target just so your special agent or whatever doesn't get shot at." "Not shot at, Mr. Thornhill." "Found out." "Once found out, they're as good as dead." "Thanks to you, clouds of suspicion are already forming." "Thanks to me?" " If you'll get on the plane..." " You listen to me." "I'm an advertising man, not a red herring." "I've got a job, a secretary, a mother two ex-wives and several bartenders dependent upon me and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself killed." "The answer is no." " Is that final?" " Yes." " Goodbye, then." " Goodbye." "If there was a chance of changing your mind I'd talk about Miss Kendall." "Of whom you so obviously disapprove." "Yes, for using sex like some people use a fly swatter." "I don't suppose it would matter to you that she was probably forced to do whatever she did to protect herself." "To protect herself from what?" "Exposure and assassination." "You see, Mr. Thornhill, she..." "She's one of our agents." " Oh, no." " I know you didn't mean it but I'm afraid you have put her in an extremely dangerous situation." "And much more than her life is at stake." " Suppose they don't come?" " They'll come." "ROGER:" "I don't like the way Teddy Roosevelt is looking at me." "Perhaps he's trying to give you one last word of caution, Mr. Kaplan." "Speak soft, and carry a big stick." "He's trying to tell me not to go through with this harebrained scheme." "He doesn't know to what extent you're the cause of our present trouble." "I don't know that I care to accept that charge, professor." "Dear, fellow, if you hadn't made yourself so attractive to Miss Kendall that she fell for you..." " And vice versa." " Our friend Vandamm wouldn't be losing faith in her loyalty now." "It was quite obvious to him last night that she had become emotionally involved." "Worst of all, with a man he thinks is a government agent." "Are you trying to tell me that I'm irresistible?" "I'm trying to remind you it is your responsibility to help us restore her to Vandamm's good graces right up to the point he leaves the country tonight." "All right, all right." "But, after tonight..." "My blessings on you both." "Here they are." " Good afternoon, Mr. Kaplan." " Not her." "Did I misunderstand you about bringing her here?" "We'll get to that later." "I suppose you were surprised to get my call." "Not at all." "I knew the police would release you, Mr. Kaplan." "By the way, I want to compliment you on your colorful exit from the auction gallery." "Thank you." "And now, what little drama are we here for today?" "I don't for a moment believe that you've invited me to these gay surroundings to come to a business arrangement." "Suppose I tell you I not only know the exact time you're leaving the country tonight but the latitude and longitude of your rendezvous and your ultimate destination." "You wouldn't care to carry my bags for me, would you?" "Perhaps you'd be interested in the price, just the same." " The price?" " For doing nothing to stop you." "How much did you have in mind?" "I want the girl." "I want the girl to get what's coming to her." "Turn her over to me, I'll see there's enough pinned on her to keep her uncomfortable for the rest of her life." "You do that, and I'll look the other way tonight." "She really did get under your skin." "We're not talking about my skin." "We're talking about yours." " I'm offering you a chance to save it." "VANDAMM:" "To exchange it." "Put it any way you like." "I'm curious, Mr. Kaplan." "What made you arrive at the deduction that my feelings for Miss Kendall have deteriorated to the point where I would trade her in for peace of mind?" "I don't deduce." "I observe." "Phillip, if you don't mind, I'm going back to the house now." "Just a second, you." "Stay away from me." "Let go." "Let go of me." "Stay away from me." "Let go." "Let go of me." " Now, save the phony tears." " You just get back." " You little fool." " You just stay away from me." "[CROWD SCREAMING]" "No good, sir." "You can't get involved in this." " Don't touch anything." " Stand back." "Stand back." "PROFESSOR:" "Mr. Thornhill?" "Don't be long." "Hello." "Hello." "Are you all right?" "Yes, I think so." "I asked the professor if I could see you again." "There's not much time." "Isn't there?" "I wanted to tell you..." "I mean, apologize." "No need." "I understand." "All in the line of duty." "I did treat you miserably." "I, uh..." "I hated you for it." "I didn't want you to go on thinking that I..." "And I..." "I used some pretty harsh words." "I'm sorry." "They hurt deeply." " Well, naturally, if I'd known..." " I couldn't tell you." " Of course not." " Could I?" "No, I guess not." "EVE:" "You didn't get hurt." "I'm so relieved." " Of course I was hurt." " How would you have felt?" " In the cafeteria, when you fell." " When I shot you with the blanks." " Oh, that." "No." "EVE:" "You did it rather well, I thought." " Yes, I thought I was quite graceful." "Considering it's not really your kind of work." "Well, I got into it by accident." "What's your excuse?" "I met Phillip Vandamm at a party one night and saw only his charm." "Oh." "I guess I had nothing to do that weekend, so I..." "I decided to fall in love." "Well, that's nice." "Eventually, the professor and his Washington colleagues approached me with a few sordid details about Phillip and he told me that my relationship with him made me uniquely valuable to them." "Mm-hm." "So you became a Girl Scout, huh?" "Maybe it was the first time anyone ever asked me to do anything worthwhile." "Has life been like that?" "How come?" "Men like you." "What's wrong with men like me?" "They don't believe in marriage." "I've been married twice." "See what I mean?" "I may go back to hating you." "It was more fun." "Goodbye, darling." " Wait a minute." "Not so soon." " No, I gotta get back and convince them that I took the long way around so nobody followed me." "Couldn't we stand like this for just a few hours?" "Just this time you're supposed to be critically wounded." "I never felt more alive." "Well, whose side are you on?" "Yours, always, darling." "Please don't undermine my resolve just when I need it most." "[CAR HORN HONKING]" "Oh, well, I guess it's off to the hospital for me and back to danger for you." "I don't like it a bit." "It's much safer now, thanks to you, my darling decoy." "Don't thank me." "I couldn't stand it." "All right." "I won't." "After your malevolent friend Vandamm takes off tonight you and I are gonna get together and do a lot of apologizing to each other in private." " You know that can't be." " Of course it can be." "He has told you, hasn't he?" " Told me what?" " Miss Kendall, you gotta get moving." " Wait a minute." "What didn't you tell me?" " Why didn't you?" "She's going off with Vandamm tonight on the plane." "She's going off with Vandamm?" "We went to such lengths to make her a fugitive from justice." "So that Vandamm couldn't very well decline to take her along." "I needn't tell you how valuable she can be to us over there." "You lied to me." "You said that after tonight..." " I needed your help." " Well, you got it, all right." "Don't be angry." "You think I'm gonna let you go through with this?" " Oh, she has to." " Nobody has to do anything." "I don't like the games you play, professor." "War is hell, Mr. Thornhill, even when it's a cold one." "If you can't lick the Vandamms of this world without asking girls to bed down and fly away with them and never come back perhaps you ought to learn how to lose a few cold wars." "I'm afraid we're already doing that." " I'm not gonna let you do this." "Get out." " Please don't spoil everything." "Please." "MAN [ON RADIO]:" "Mr. Kaplan twice in full view of horrified men, women and children who had come to the park to see the famed Mount Rushmore monument." "Witnesses described Kaplan's assailant as an attractive blonde in her late twenties." "Kaplan, who was removed to the Rapid City Hospital in critical condition has been tentatively identified as an employee of the federal government." "The tragedy developed with startling suddenness." "Chris Swenson, a busboy in the Mount Rushmore cafeteria stated that he heard voices raised in..." " Here we are." " Hello." "Slacks, a shirt and these." "Thanks." "That'll do for you around here for the next couple of days." "For the next couple of days?" " Hey." " What?" "What's this?" "That's where I hit the chair doing that phony fall in the cafeteria." "You and your dopey schemes, shootings." " Otherwise, feeling all right?" " Oh, yeah." "Fine." "Considering your driver has a sledgehammer for a hand." "Yeah, I'm sorry about that." "No, that's all right." "I guess I deserved it." "I guess I deserve that locked door too." "You seen wandering about in good health could've proved fatal to Miss Kendall." " I've begun to forget her already." " Good." " Better that way." " Yeah, much." "Inside of an hour, she'll be gone." " How's everything out in Rapid City?" " Oh, everything's fine." "Mr. Kaplan's untimely shooting has now acquired the authority of the printed word." "Everyone's been cooperating beautifully." "Well, now you can include me." " I'm a cooperator." " I'm most grateful." " Care to do me a favor in return?" " Anything." "I'd like a drink." "Will you get me a...?" "Get me some bourbon?" "A pint will do." "Can I join you?" "Well, if you're gonna join me, you better make it a quart." " See you in a few minutes." " Yeah." " Stop." " Oh, excuse me." "Stop." "[CHUCKLES]" " You don't want me to take you up there?" " No, thanks." "Never mind." "Oh, thanks." "VANDAMM:" "There's nothing to worry about." "EVE:" "I just lost my head." "VANDAMM:" "I'm not just saying this to make you feel better." "I mean it." "EVE:" "I just didn't know what I was doing." "VANDAMM:" "He wanted to destroy you." "You had to protect yourself." "EVE:" "But not endanger you." "VANDAMM:" "Ah, rubbish." "Soon we'll be off together and I shall dedicate myself to your happiness." "What's the situation, Leonard?" " About the plane, you mean?" " Of course." "What was the last report?" "Over Whitestone on the hour, 6000, descending." "VANDAMM:" "About ten minutes, huh?" "LEONARD:" "At the most." "And now, uh..." "I wonder if I might have a few words of parting with you, sir?" "Certainly." "In private?" "I'll go up and get my things." "VANDAMM:" "Well, Leonard how does one say goodbye to one's right arm?" "I'm afraid you're gonna wish you had cut it off sooner." "Mm-hm." "LEONARD:" "I know how terribly fond you are of Miss Kendall..." "I don't find this a terribly attractive..." " She is not to be trusted." " You're being mysterious." "I'm not being mysterious at all." "It couldn't have been anything." "You must've had some doubts about her yourself." " And still do." "VANDAMM:" "Rubbish." "LEONARD:" "Why else would you have decided not to tell her that our little treasure here has a bellyful of microfilm?" "You seem to be trying to fill mine with rotten apples." "LEONARD:" "Sometimes the truth does taste like worms." "The truth?" "I've heard nothing but innuendoes." "Call it my woman's intuition if you will, but I've never trusted neatness." "Neatness is always the result of deliberate planning." "She shot him in a moment of fear and anger." " You were there yourself." "You saw it." "LEONARD:" "Yes." "And thereby wrapped everything up into one very neat and tidy bundle." "A, she removed any doubts you may have had about her, uh..." "Now, what did you call it, her devotion?" "B, she gave herself a new and urgent reason to be taken to the other side with you in case you decided to change your mind." " You know what I think?" "[CHUCKLES]" "I think you're jealous." "No, I mean it, and I'm very touched." "Very..." "Leonard!" "LEONARD:" "The gun she shot Kaplan with." "I found it in her luggage." "It's an old trick." "Shoot one of your own to show that you're not one of them." "They've just freshened it up a bit with blank cartridges." "What was that noise?" "Yes, we wondered what it was too." "Didn't we, Leonard?" "Hurry, darling." "It's almost time to leave." "EVE:" "In a moment." "You're not taking her on that plane with you?" "Of course I am." "Like our friends, I too believe in neatness, Leonard." "This matter is best disposed of from a great height over water." "VANDAMM:" "How about a little champagne before we go?" "EVE:" "I'd love it." "VANDAMM:" "It may not be cold enough." "EVE:" "Over the rocks will be all right." "VANDAMM:" "Are you sure?" "EVE:" "Mm-hm." "VANDAMM:" "My dear." "EVE:" "Thank you." "VANDAMM:" "To you, my dear, and all the lovely moments we've had together." "EVE:" "Thank you, Phillip." "There he is." "[AIRPLANE APPROACHING]" "VANDAMM:" "Jump in, Leonard." "The champagne's fine." "LEONARD:" "There isn't time." "VANDAMM:" "You always were a spoilsport, weren't you?" "LEONARD:" "One of my most valuable attributes as it now turns out." "It would please me if you would think of me as being along on this journey if only in spirit." "EVE:" "I shall, Leonard." "LEONARD:" "He's heading pretty far out on the north leg and awfully high." "I guess he's gonna play it safe with a long, slow descent." "You couldn't ask for a better night than this." "Ceiling and possibilities unlimited." "Ah, there he goes, starting his turn." "Well, we better get moving." "He should have his wheels on the ground inside of three minutes." " Come along, Eve." "EVE:" "All right." "I think I left my earrings upstairs." "I'll be right down." "We can get out through the window." "There's a car." "What are you doing?" "You'll ruin everything." "They know about the shooting." "They're going to do away with you!" " What are you talking about?" " Leonard found the gun in your luggage." "The figure they got at the auction is filled with microfilm." " That's how he's been getting it." "LEONARD:" "Miss Kendall?" "Whatever you do, don't get on that plane." "Don't worry, Anna." "Arrangements have been made." "You and your husband will be over the Canadian border by morning." "ANNA:" "Thank you very much, sir." " Be careful." "ANNA:" "We will, sir, and God bless you." "EVE:" "Thank you for everything." "ANNA:" "Be careful, now." "VANDAMM:" "Now, you're not gonna leave the house until we're..." "ANNA:" "I'll wait, sir." "I certainly will." "Safe journey." "Thank you very much." "Bye." "Stay where you are." "Sit down." "As soon as the plane leaves, my husband and Mr. Leonard will be back." "VANDAMM:" "What is it?" "I was wondering about my earrings." "VANDAMM:" "They'll turn up." "When you return to New York, say goodbye to my sister for me." "And thank her for her superb performance as Mrs. Townsend." "LEONARD:" "I'll do that." "VANDAMM:" "Tell your knife-throwing chum that I've reassured his wife." "LEONARD:" "All right." " That's about all, Leonard." "[GUNFIRE]" "VANDAMM:" "Get that figure back from her." "The housekeeper had me pinned down before I realized it was that same silly gun of yours." " I see you've got the pumpkin." " Yes." "This is no good." "We're on top of the monument." "EVE:" "What do we do?" "ROGER:" "Climb down." "EVE:" "We can't." "ROGER:" "Here they come." "We have no choice." "Well, if we ever get out of this alive let's go back to New York on the train together." "All right?" "Is that a proposition?" "It's a proposal, sweetie." "What happened to the first two marriages?" "My wives divorced me." " Why?" " Well, I think they said I led too dull a life." " Ha, ha." " Come on." "[SCREAMS]" "[EVE SCREAMS]" "You all right?" "All right, all right." "Okay." "Come on." "Come on." "Come up here." "Come on." "Come on." "Come on." "[SCREAMING]" "[SCREAMING]" "[EVE GROANS]" "Help." "Help me." "[GUNSHOT]" "Thank you, sergeant." "That wasn't very sporting, using real bullets?" "Here, reach." "Now." " I'm trying." " Come on, I've got you." " Up." " I can't make it." "Yes, you can." "Come on." " Pull harder." " Come along, Mrs. Thornhill." " Oh." "Roger, this is silly." " I know, but I'm sentimental." "[ENGLISH SDH]"