"Ladies and gentlemen..." "Ladies and gentlemen..." "I now present an exceptional person, a man of truly great talent..." "A man who will possibly fool you with his tricks..." "A man who will bamboozle you perhaps..." "A man who may make you think your eyes are deceiving you." "The breathtaking, the novel..." "The distinctive, the only illusionist of his kind..." "He's here, yes, with his magnificent show..." "I present Ýskender the Great!" "Now, let's have one of you join us on stage, shall we?" "Welcome!" "Your name?" "Give me a break." "Come on." "Calm down." "Shut up!" "Why were you pushing there, Abi?" "What are you talking about?" "You were pulling, right?" "I told you to wear your glasses on stage!" "Well I won't!" "You wear them!" "The stage has a certain aesthetic." "I'm not wearing them!" "Look, I wear them, don't I?" "So what's the big deal?" "Why were you pulling at the end?" "Why did you do it?" "I left it to you." "You weren't supposed to pull there." "Abi, she's not going to die, is she?" "No, she isn't." "She's talking." "How's she going to die?" "Smoking's not allowed inside." "Can you put it out?" "OK." "We can do that." " Who's Ýskender?" " Me." "It's nothing serious luckily." "She's having stitches now." "Thanks, doctor." "Hey, friend!" "Come here a minute." " What is it this time?" " An accident, Abi." "Can I get a photo of you all together there?" "Great." "You're doing great." "Sorry?" "I'm not with you, Abi." "What are you saying?" "You want me to open the lid?" "OK, I'm opening the lid." " How long did I do?" " 46 seconds." " No, 10!" " Here, take a look!" "What kind of time-keeping is that?" "Take this off." "I need three minutes in there." "You'll do it, Abi." "With practice." " It's 2 o'clock." "Shall we go?" " Sure, yes." "Istanbul's smouldering." "All we needed was to hit the papers." "Let's cut it out and keep it." "Not a bad idea, huh?" "Ayhan, how many more times is the girl going to get carved up?" "But it's always my insurance that pays." "Your money went towards the hospital bill." "Get your stuff together and move on." "Abi, we've dropped the saw trick." "We've got something new." "It's to do with holding your breath." "Let's give it a try." "Hold it." "Hey, don't throw it, Abi!" "This was valuable stuff." " Here." " 2:46." " What?" "For holding my breath?" " That, being fired, the whole lot." "Shut up!" "You were down on your knees there." ""Give us a chance, Ayhan Abi." "Give us a chance."" " I didn't say that, Abi." " We're not looking for "a chance"!" "Hey, I didn't say that!" ""Give us a chance, Ayhan Abi." Huh?" "Pick those up." "Then come up with some new projects." "Do some new tricks." " You come up with them." " But you don't like any of my stuff." " Look at this." " OK, OK." "Come on." "Shame on you!" "Shame!" "No, Abi." "No." "The guys have no vision." "Forget supporting young people." "The guys have lost interest." "But we're not going to." "OK, but pulling rabbits out of hats and all that..." "Those tricks are so ordinary." "You get guys who can make Leander's Tower disappear." "That's an optical illusion, kid." "I can do it." "It's no big deal." " How?" " Take your glasses off." "Now take a look." " You mean that's all it is?" " In principle, yes." "That's the general principle." "You just dress it up on stage." "Hey, Ýskoç." "I say we go for this laser thing and get rid of the glasses." " Abi, what's wrong with glasses?" " We can't see, can we!" "So everyone sees us in full." "Only we don't see anything, huh?" " At least for the stage..." " Give me a break, Abi!" "Now look." "You say there's four." "But there aren't." "Look." "There you go." "Two." "Two eggs." "OK?" "You see?" "Two." "Tell him to put down two eggs." "Two eggs, bread, tomato puree." "Keep your eyes open." " He fell for it." " Of course he did." " I say we do a tour." " Nice idea." "A mini-tour for a month." "We tour round Anatolia." "We get the money together, have our eyes lasered..." "Then we'll have a brand new image and a new bag of tricks as well." "OK, Abi." "But a laser job costs 1000 lira." "Let's get yours done first then." "Mine aren't that, you know..." "Your prescription's a 9 too!" "Shut up." "If I wanted, I could stop wearing glasses today." "Look through the spyhole." " It's Sebahattin." " Come here." "Don't answer!" " Lf you get stuck, do a trick." " OK." "What took you so long?" "I've been ringing for half an hour." " Ýskender?" " Welcome, Sebahattin." "Ýskender, come out." "We've got to talk." " Have a seat." "Ýskender's out." " Where is he?" "In the chest?" "What chest?" "I told you, he's out." "Sit down there." " January, February, March..." " April, May..." "Orhan!" "I pay your rent every month like clockwork." "And you pay me every three months." "What kind of a friendship is that?" "I always miss out on those two months." "Come out, if you're in that chest!" "It's time we talked properly." "How come you're so hung up about the chest, Abi?" "Here you go, the chest..." "I told you, Ýskender went out, Abi." "Anyway, we're planning a tour." "Round the whole of Anatolia." "It's all arranged." "We'll settle up before leaving." "So you're also doing a runner." "A runner?" "I'm talking about a tour." " I told you, it's all arranged." " You can't fast-talk me." "You pay that 1200 you owe this Monday." "Or I'll send you packing." "And that's that!" " Monday." "At 12.00." " OK." "Ta taa!" "Are we going to do this tour in the station-wagon?" "There's the accommodation thing." "And all that kit." "Sure, we'll take it." "But I've got a better idea." "Listen." "It's not a major operation." "They make the tiniest incision and it's goodbye to glasses." "Then get it done of course." "You've suffered all these years." "Uncle, Dad calls you a nerd." "Come on, of course I don't." "How are things with you, Abi?" "Don't ask." "The other day this inspector turned up." "He was really hassling me." "I said, "There's no secrets." "Here, look."" " Are you staying for dinner?" " No." "We've eaten already." "Thanks anyway, Nurhan." "Gazanfer, we're planning a tour, you know..." "And?" "You want a loan or something?" "No." "Suppose we took the caravan?" "It's all yours." "Nurhan, listen." "Ýskender wants the caravan." "What's with the caravan all of a sudden?" " Dad's living in the caravan." " Why?" "What's up?" "Yaðmur, come on sweetheart." "Take the rabbit and play inside." "Orhan, off you go." "It's odd." "He's really bad this year." "We can't keep him in the house." " Has he been trashing the place?" " No." "But the kids are scared." "He yells and screams." "He has no sense of the time." "He's up at 3.00 or 4.00 am." "He has the kids doing press-ups and bars at the crack of dawn." "Plus he's got it into his head he wants to be buried in Çanakkale." "Not in Çanakkale itself either." "It has to be the war cemetery." " Healthwise?" " Fit as a fiddle." "Fitter than me." "Here, look." "He's just out there." " Oh my God!" " So the caravan's full, Ýskender." "But take the gift that goes with it and you're welcome to it." "Orhan!" "Let's go check things out down there." "Be warned!" "He pulled a knife on me the other day." "I almost went to the police." "Oh God Gazanfer..." "Why did you um...?" "He's comfortable there." "Now students, as you can see in the example the sum of two polynomials is again a polynomial." " How are you doing, Dad?" " Fine." "Sitting around." " So you're living in the caravan." " The kids make a racket." "It gives me a headache." "So I moved." "The caravan's fantastic." " Who's this?" " Maradona, Dad." "What do you mean?" "Sit down." "You're still doing it?" "Still playing the joker?" "Yes." "We're going on tour." "Istanbul's finished of course." "Right." "A solid great Zeppelin up in flames!" "You can't take a Zeppelin now either." "Look, I got a computer." "What do you think?" "It needs a screen." "What are you doing with that?" "A screen?" "I don't like screens." "This is fine." "It does me." "Like some tea?" "Let's have Sebahat make some tea." " No, Sait Abi." "Thanks." " Let her make some." "Sebahat!" "Why not move up to the house, Dad?" "What's with the caravan?" "I'm not living in that thief's house." "He's a thief!" "A thief!" "This is what it's about." "There's nothing like a caravan!" "Nurhan sent down some meat patties." "Make room there." "Help yourself, gentlemen." "Don't let them get cold." " Have you broached the subject?" " No, not yet." "Sait Abi's in fine form, mashallah!" "Dad!" "Look, Ýskender wants to take you to Çanakkale." "Abi, we haven't discussed it yet." "In the caravan." "The scenic route." "I told him it was a great idea." "But Gazanfer, we're not going through Çanakkale." "When are we going?" "We're not going through Çanakkale." "You don't just go through Çanakkale in any case." "That's my boy!" "But Dad, we're not going through Çanakkale." "Father and son on holiday together!" "What more do you want?" "So Gazanfer's a great salesman, huh?" "Palming us off with Sait Abi..." "Hey, watch it." "What was I supposed to say?" ""Dad, we're not taking you."" "He won't make trouble there, will he?" "We have a schedule to stick to on tour." "Who said the tour ended in Çanakkale?" "We'll show Dad round Çanakkale and send him back on the bus." "Think of the tour as being all over country." "So our tour?" "Lzmir, Kuþadasi, Fethiye, Marmaris, Antalya." "Where's Antalya?" " Here." "Up the top." " Hah!" "A bit of action." "Don't get so hung up about Çanakkale." "OK, Abi?" "Let's get one last look at the place through glasses then." " Think!" "Perfect vision on return!" " Let's hope so." "Dad, aren't you taking these?" "Look, Ýskender's here." "Where were you?" "We've been waiting ages." "We had the towing thing welded on at the back." " What shall I do?" " Hook this up to the back." " How are things, Dad?" " Normal." "Do everything at the right time." "Check he's taking his medication." "Never leave him on his own." "And come back safe and sound." "OK?" "Bring him back and stick him in the garden." "Dad, we have a couple of suitcases." "Shall we stick them inside?" "My personal belongings are in there but if there's room, fine." "Thanks." " Maradona, let's get those down." " OK." " He did a great job, huh?" " Sure." "Doesn't look bad at all." " It's properly hooked up now, right?" " Everything's OK here." "Attach that cable to the back of the car..." "And it'll give us power, you mean." "Hey thanks, Gazanfer." "First Lieutenant Sait Tünaydin God rest his soul" " Abi, I've just seen something." " What did you see?" "Get in." "Aren't you going to give Dad anything for the trip?" " Come on." "Departure time is 08.00." " OK, Dad." " Come on." " Don't forget the favour, Ýskoç." "Go for it then." "Travel smoothly!" "Smooth as water!" "Come on, kids." "Come on." "Come on." " Are you comfortable, Dad?" " Yes, fine." "Ýskoç, remind me at some point to tell you something." "Get some sleep if you like." "You can." "I won't." "Which way are you going to Çanakkale?" "We're taking the toll road, Dad." "What toll road?" "Are you mad?" "Go the way you know!" "Sait Abi's one up on us mashallah!" "Sebahat!" "Sebahat!" "Shut that window." " It's got me sweating." " Sebahat?" "You mean me, Abi?" "Just play along." "He thinks you're Mum." "Go on, shut it." "They're all like that." "Coming and going." "The company on top." "I tell them, "Look, people." Not one of them understands." "Right, Dad." "Sure." "That'll pass too." "Abi, look now he's asleep I have to tell you something." "There's a gravestone in the caravan." " What gravestone?" " In the caravan, Abi." "It says 'Sait Tünaydin'." "On the gravestone?" "Yes, Abi." "'Sait Tünaydin 1 January 1946'" "'God rest his soul'" "What gravestone, Dad?" "What's with the gravestone?" "What's wrong?" "I had it made." "For God's sake..." "I had it made from the finest marble too." "I've arranged the site too." "So you just mind your own business." "We won't be staying long in Çanakkale will we?" "This is a tour." "The tour has a set schedule, right?" "That's why, Sait Abi." "What schedule?" "What do you mean we won't be staying?" "Why not?" "You have to bury me." "Then you can go." "Bury you, Dad?" "What are you talking about?" "It's a child's duty, son." "You can bring your sister along." "Shed a few tears." "Then carry on playing the joker." "What's the big deal?" "Sait?" "Sait?" "Sait?" "Sait Abi?" "No Sait." "Where is he?" "He's dead." "Well that's too bad." "How nice!" "Dad, what is it with the gravestone, with the burial thing?" "I'm dead, OK?" "Now shut up!" "We're done with that." "Turn on the radio." "For God's sake let's have a change of mood." "Shame on you, Dad!" "Fleeting traveller A forlorn soul lies in this grave" "See the headstone and grieve" "Is this some kind of joke, Abi?" "Are you playing a sick joke?" "What joke, Abi?" "I hit the button and this was on." "Stop playing games." "Go and poke fun at your own Dad." "What are you talking about, Ýskoç?" "I'm not playing games." " Abi, cut out the innuendoes." " What innuendoes?" " Look, stop playing games." " The sheep!" " Hey, what are you doing?" " What are you doing?" " Hey, what are you doing?" " This is a toll road!" "Just because you paid doesn't mean..." " How long's it been a toll road?" " 10 years!" "I've been bringing my sheep this way for 25 years." "No one's said anything before." "Weirdo!" "Telescope!" "I told you!" "I told you not to take the toll road!" " I'm going!" " Going where, Dad?" "To sleep in the caravan." "We could find some permanent work at the places we're going to." "Those five or six-star hotels for example." "Those that only take foreigners." "They're always doing cheap animation stuff." "That's not our style." "Festivals, fairs are more like it." "Cherry festivals, grape festivals, municipality things." "The kind of thing that's more for Turkish people." "Right, Abi." "What do foreigners know about illusion?" "Hey, remember I jammed on the brakes back there?" " Don't say they leak fluid now." " Aren't they holding?" "It's not that." "They're not working at all." "Look." "Abi, I hope Sait Abi doesn't go making a scene in Çanakkale..." "We could do without that kind of adventure." "I yell in front of him just now and he beats it to the caravan." " I mean, that bothers me." " But he's a sweet guy, Abi." "Sure he is." "That Çanakkale business is one of his hang-ups." "He has to get there come what may." "And we have to take him round." "He wants love and attention, Abi." "Maradona, he gets it the whole time." " Abi, they're making signs at us." " What signs?" "Hi!" "Hello!" " Remember we were in the papers?" " Oh my God!" "Is it the door?" "The tyres?" "Hey, is it the door?" "What's he saying?" " It's nothing." " What are you saying, Abi?" "Abi!" "Abi, stop!" "Abi, stop!" " Abi, he's jumped!" " What are you talking about?" " What are you talking about?" " He's jumped!" " Jumped from where?" "Who?" " He's jumped out of the caravan!" " Who, Dad?" " Abi, he's jumped." " It's Dad?" " Well, look!" "Dad!" "Abi, he's not dead, is he?" "Dad!" "But I can't touch him." "Abi, how am I supposed to?" "Pull away that parachute." "Dad!" "Where's your mother?" " Here." "I'm here." " Dad, are you OK?" "Dad, you can't go jumping out of moving cars!" "What were you doing?" "If you only knew how thrilling it was." "Are you OK?" "I'm a commando, son." "Nothing happens to me!" "Come on now." "Let's get this picked up." "Here's the good news." "We have no brakes now." "You're kidding!" "Ýskender?" "Abi, let's not get stranded here." " Wait." "Hang on." "Hold this." " Let go." "I'll tie it with a bit of rag." "That's as good as it gets." "Come on!" "Let's get moving!" " Abi, a wedding car!" " Leave that." "Go flag them down." " OK." " Look..." " What happened?" " The classic." "The bride's gorgeous, the groom ugly as hell." "There's 10 billion in there, right?" "They slipped us 10 billion." "Look, these brakes aren't holding." "I'm going turn off some place soon." "Abi, look." "It says "Engelli 400m"." "Turn off there." "Hey Dad, what are you doing?" "You can't go round like that!" "For God's sake!" "There's the coffeehouse." "Let's ask there." " I'm not giving you this, Mandaci." " Wrap it up." "Take it home." " Hello." " Here you go." "Hello there." "Give us a tea, will you Abi?" "Welcome." " Thank you." " Who are you here to see?" "We've got trouble with the brakes and wanted to get them looked at." "Hey." "Does Ýnce Memet know about those houses on wheels?" "It's the car in front, not the house." "Of course he does." " Maybe we can ask him, Abi?" " But they went off to whatsit." "They went off to Eyüp Sultan with Cemal Aga." "Right." "They went to fetch the bride." "Seeing you there like that..." "We thought you were the new district head." "Well, with the old boy there in that tie and stuff." "What's going on, huh?" "Hello there, Amca." "How far's Çanakkale from here?" "Çanakkale?" "Say 100-130 km in a normal car." "What's "in a normal car" mean?" "How about walking?" "Walking it's really a long way." " You want some?" " Thanks." "Hey, don't you do fancy things with those cards!" "Are you a gambler?" "If you're a gambler, take over from Mandaci Ali there!" "He's no gambler." "He's a joker." "Magician, magician." "I'm a magician." "Are they here?" "They sure are." "The convoy's here." "The convoy we saw on the way." " Really?" " Look." " Ooph!" "It's so damn hot!" " Give Dad and everyone some tea." "Erkut, don't knock yourself around." "There's a wedding tonight!" "Abi, Fatma looks really great." " She looks amazing." " She'll look even better still." " Cemal Aga, how was the trip?" " It was great." "We took the toll road." "What a smooth ride!" " Welcome." " Thank you." "I flagged you down back there." "The envelopes turned out empty." "No way!" "Cemal Aga's so giving." "He wouldn't do that." "This lot are magicians." "Get them performing at the wedding." "Why would I do that?" "There's singing, music..." "We don't need anything else." "Do you do weddings?" "Of course they do." "It's 300, their fee." " Hang on, Dad." "Just a minute." " True or false, son?" "Your sister told me everything." "They do weddings." "They do night clubs, music venues." "They do parties, celebrations." "They do just about everything." "He pulls balls out of his ear, doves out of his jacket." "He has flames appear out of nowhere." "Suddenly the flames are flowers." "He gets this woman on stage and carves her up." "It's hocus pocus stuff, that's all." "There you go, he's a joker." "My real son but a joker, sad to say." "It's painful but true." "It'll cost you 300." " Well great, huh?" " Awesome." "Amazing." "What more do you want?" "That old guy's their manager." "But hey, 300 is a lot, Abi." " 300." " Isn't it, Dad?" "300 is a lot." "We don't need magicians, Erkut." "I'm sorry." "No, no." "It doesn't matter." "What do you say, Dad?" "Huh?" "Go on then!" "My son only gets married once." " Abi, the tour's started." " Let's hope it goes well then." "You did a great job promoting us." "Thanks." "You're talking the kind of magic we're all familiar with, right?" "Sure." "We do tricks using props, or numbers with cards..." "Erkut Abi, Aynur Abla's calling you." "Fine, OK." "Right, I have to go." "Abi, pick a card for example." "Keep that for later." "Let's unload the kit." "Maybe we'll stay over." "Yes, so that's the stage." "How does it look?" "Great." "It works for us." "Do we do the swivelling whatsit?" "No." "We'll do the magic chest." " I need to open up the bunker then." " Right." "Anyway the floor is wood." "We'll stick a panel on either side." "We must hang the thing at the back." "The magic curtain..." "So the wind doesn't kill the sound." "And the lights will make a kind of arc." "If we stick the chests there the cable can run underneath." "I'll take the cable under there." "We have to be careful what we say, it's all secret." " We'll need a three-plug socket." " OK." "I'll deal with the cable." "We can take it round there." " I'll handle the drum and bells." " The doves can go here." "Careful over there." "You get lots of people wandering by." "We'll close up the sides." " It's a tricky business, huh?" " You can say that again." " OK." " You're all set then." " So I'll be going." " I need to measure up anyway." " Take it easy then." " Thanks." "Erkut!" "Look, Fatma's here." "Ýlknur, find some cushions for Mum and Dad's seats." " How are you doing, Fatma?" " I'm fine." " What do you reckon?" " The place looks really nice." "Isn't it?" "We did it ourselves." " Erkut Abi, the chairs are ready." " OK, OK." "Here, take this." "We've been spending money non-stop." "It's been crazy the last three days." " Who are those people on the stage?" " They're magicians." " Magicians?" " We got them from Istanbul." "300 lira." "It's not easy, Fatma." "We're getting married, you know." "I want everything to be perfect." "Here, look." "We'll be sitting here." "Right at the front." "All these lights will be on." "There are speakers." "Massive ones." "There'll be music too." "Well, come and see." "Hey kids, keep away from the stage!" "You can watch tonight." "What's going on?" "Why are you yelling at the kids?" "What's wrong with them looking?" "Got to keep some things a surprise." "There's the show tonight, you know." "Is that guy the magician?" "No." "No chance!" "I'm the magician." "The illusionist Ýskender the Great." "My assistant Maradona." "May God make you happy." "So there you go, magician man." "And we're getting married tonight." "So you'll be showing us whatever tricks you have." "Erkut, the cake people are calling." " My Dad's in charge there, right?" " I didn't know." "Hello?" "Yes, Dad?" "Yes?" "Yes?" "Fatma, Dad's asking if five tiers is OK." " Sure." " Dad..." " Wedding turmoil, huh?" " Yes." " And nerves of course." " Is this rabbit yours too?" "Yes, it's ours." "That's one of our classics." "A classic in the world of illusion." "We can't do without it." "It's all 'magic'." " 'Magic'?" " The name of this business." "Illusion." "Our tricks are all based on deceiving the eye." "Those glasses are amazing." "Are they joke glasses?" "No." "They're mine." "I don't know." "With both of you wearing them..." "Do you do it for laughs?" "No, they're just regular glasses." "Give them here." "Let me try them." " Whoa!" " What happened?" " They're really, you know..." " I don't wear them all the time." "Only when I need them to, you know..." "Try mine on." "They're more far-out." "Let's get the percussion set up and test the mike." "Look, the guys are coming." " What's that chest?" " That's our magic chest." "Tonight all the tricks..." "All the gear we have has something special about it." "Its own bit of magic." "Tonight hopefully we'll get to do all those tricks." "Can't you do one now?" " Do one now...?" " Fatma!" "Come on, we're going." "Dad said you should get dressed." "I'm checking out the stage." "Won't you do a piece of 'magic'?" "Just one?" "Let me try this then." "Look." "Well?" " They've both flown away." " They're trained." "They'll come back." " Wow." " Come on, Fatma!" "You got waylaid." "See you then, magic man." "What a gorgeous girl." "Get yourself a girl like that." " You're 40 now." " Dad, she's the bride." "All the better." "A ready-made bride." " What's that?" " What does it look like?" " A scorpion." " The place is crawling with them." "Mistik?" "Madiþ?" "Is that him?" "Look." "No, Abi." "That's the light." "It's dark here." "Forget it!" "You let them go just to impress the woman." "Shut up!" "Mistik?" "Find me a stone." "Forget it." "They've gone." "Gone forever." "We cancel the doves then." "I'll come on with the ball trick." "What do they think they're playing?" "Let's get over to the stage." "They'll be calling us any minute." "OK." "Leave it." "Come on." "But that looks like him to me..." "Where have you been, son?" "Have some cake." "The girl brought it." "We don't eat before the show, Dad." "No, really?" "Hey gambler, the musicians are done." "You're on now." "What do you mean "gambler"?" "Oh God!" "I said "gambler", did I?" "Magician then." "Sorry, I've had a few to drink." "You played 'Estergon Castle' wonderfully." "Thanks." "My father always appreciates art and artists." "Right?" "I've never had that kind of treatment from him." "Ladies and gentlemen." "There's no mike." "Ladies and gentlemen..." "I now present..." "An exceptional person a man of truly great talent..." " Wait." " Breathtaking, novel, distinctive..." "Here, with his magnificent show..." "Go on." "Good luck." "Is the only illusionist of his kind, Ýskender the Great!" " No way!" "He's using string there." " Hang on." "What do you reckon, Cemal Aga?" "The magician's ace, huh?" "Awesome, I say." "Awesome!" "Come on, leave it out!" "Leave it out!" " Cemal Aga, that magician..." " Clear off!" "The magic chest!" " Is dad not watching?" " He went to the caravan." "Yes." "Well, there's no mike." "Yes, as we wish the new couple every happiness we've shown you all a number of magic tricks." "But for our leading trick now let's have one of you here on stage." " Me!" " There's nothing to be afraid of." " Now who's it going to be?" " Me." "Me!" " Fatma, what are you doing?" " What's wrong?" "Me!" "Me!" "Let's have a big round of applause for the bride." "Fatma, what do you think you're doing?" "Look, what's wrong?" " What am I supposed to do?" " Climb in." "In there." "The bride seems to have lost her mind." "Your attention, please!" "What's going on?" "Stop yelling, woman!" "You'll make me do things I regret!" "Sit down, Cemal Aga." "Sit down!" "Now's the time you need to be calmest." "Shut up, will you!" "Stop it!" "Stop that, Erkut." "What do you expect me to do?" "Where's Fatma?" "Where is she?" "She's not gone anywhere." "It's just an optical illusion." "Where is she?" "I can't see her." "Get her back then." "Get her back!" "Ýskender Abi was going to but the lady wasn't there." "How do you mean "wasn't there"?" "What are you talking about?" "Actually, we have this system." "The guest we have on stage..." " When they get in the chest..." " Hang on a second!" "You can't give the trick away!" "Don't give the trick away!" "Look, magician." "Explain the thing properly from start to finish." "Where's the girl?" "Or your trick and your system are stuffed!" "Every profession has its secrets." "I can't give that away." "He can't either." "We can't tell you!" " Aslan." "Call the gendarmerie." " We don't need the gendarmerie." "No." "I'm going to get these guys." "I'm going to get them!" "Hang on, Erkut." "But you're putting too much pressure on us." "It was fine when people were clapping." "Didn't you put her in the chest?" "Yes!" " So get her out." " But I can't." "Wait a second, Cemal Abi." "It's ringing." "It's switched off." "Who were you calling?" "Fatma." "But her phone's off." "Süleyman, come with me a second." "What happened, huh?" "The gendarmes are on their way." "You can explain, son." "Tell them you're jokers." "Is there anything I should know?" "Like what?" "I don't get it." "Look, Dad!" "Can't we do something?" "Great!" "There's a stick now too." "Now look, you'd better tell me something useful..." "Or I'll smash this stick right over your head." "Hypnosis." "Sorry?" "Hypnosis." "Don't you watch any television?" "I'll find the girl through hypnosis." "What on earth is he up to?" "Ýskender's ace at hypnosis, Sait Abi." "I'm giving you five minutes." "That's the time it takes anyway." "A hypnosis session." "Now I want complete silence." "Five minutes in the ladies' room." "Erkut Bey, please." "I need absolute silence." " We're relying on you." " OK." "Abi, what's this hypnosis thing?" "I hope you drop down dead!" "You've ruined the wedding!" "But it won't work like this." "Please!" "Can we calm down?" "We've had a bad experience all together." "Now let's try and make it good." "Please." "Be calm." "Now we need to concentrate on the bride." " What was the bride's name?" " Fatma." "Yes." "Now all together we're going to concentrate on Fatma." "Let's concentrate on Fatma." "Close your eyes." "Let's focus on Fatma." "Yes." "Very good." "Let's think like Fatma." "What's going on?" "What are they doing?" "Let's put ourselves in..." "But you must close your eyes." "Nothing." "What can they do?" "Now I'm going to ask you all one by one." "The focusing is good." "I'm going to ask you one by one." "Please answer calmly." "I'm starting with the lady here." "Now Teyze, I want you to look at the watch." "Yes, you're asleep." "You're asleep." "Very good." "You're asleep." "Let's focus on Fatma." "Where's Fatma?" "Where's Fatma?" "I mean, did she say anything to you before the wedding?" "Has she run off with someone?" "Who's she going to run off with?" "But it won't work like this!" "Yes." "Did she tell you anything?" "Did she say she'd gone somewhere, or anything like that?" "She's focusing." "Teyze?" " Beste Teyze?" " It's OK." "Just a minute." " Granny?" " Beste Teyze?" " Mother?" " It's OK." " She's focusing." " Mother?" "!" " Mother?" " Granny?" "It's OK." "It's OK!" " My condolences." " Thanks." " A heart attack." " Phew!" "So it wasn't hypnosis." "Who the hell sent you here?" "You're massacring my family!" "My mother's dead!" " Don't, Dad!" " Cemal Aga, don't go and..." "Shut up!" "Let's sort out the burial papers now down at the police station." "We'll do a report for the girl too." "What about the joker?" "We want to file a complaint." "We've got no business with them." "What joker's going to find the girl?" "Hello." "Special forces parachutist Sait Tunaydin." "Thank you very much." "I always stand by the gendarmerie." "Please, go ahead." "You first." " Dad?" " This way." " Go on." "You go with your father." " OK, Abi." "The first job, damn it!" "Dad, it's fate." "We were doing our job there." "And I tell you you shouldn't be doing that job." "Not for the first time either." "I've been telling you for 30 years!" " Why are you marching off like that?" " Blind idiots." "Abi, things like that can happen to magicians sometimes." " What kind of things, son?" " You lost the bride, Abi." "Shut up, for God's sake." "Leave it out!" "Don't hold on to me." "I can't see in the first place." "I'm going to sleep." "Wake me up when we get to Çanakkale." "OK." "We'll wake you on the ferry." "Where's the ferry taking us?" "To Çanakkale." "The war cemetery." "You can pull balls out of your backside." "But ask where the war cemetery is and you don't have a clue." "The war cemetery's on this side, you oaf." " Sait Abi's all angry." " Sebahat, I can hear you!" "Go on, get in." "Get in!" " Step on it now." "Go on." "Move it!" " What's going on?" "OK, let's say everyone in the town is an idiot." "I mean, you think we fell for the whole scam, huh?" "What scam, Abi?" "Where are you meeting Fatma?" "What do you mean?" "We're not meeting her anywhere." "Move it now." "Move it." "Get on the main road and let's see where you're going." "We're not going anywhere." "We're not meeting her, Abi." "Get going!" "Move it!" "Shut up!" " For goodness sake!" " Step on it." "Move!" "You talked it through during the day, of course." "Talked through how you were going to do it, right?" "That's ridiculous!" "We were only at the wedding by chance anyway." "Sure." "Then the girl said she'd run off with you." "And you were there with the chest." "Did anyone talk about anything like that?" "Did anyone talk about anything like that?" " How do I know, Abi?" " Listen, magician." "With it being my sister's wedding I've had a fair amount to drink." "So don't make me use this knife!" "We've been attacked!" "Ýskender!" "Pull up on the right." "It'll be easier for us to talk." "Get out." " Calm down, Dad." "Please!" " You get in the car." " Dad, please." " Sebahat, you too." " Abi, don't." " Get over there." " Who do you think you're talking to?" " I don't know, Abi." " Who do you think you're talking to?" " I don't know, Abi." "Sait Tünaydin!" "Don't forget that!" "Turn around!" " Don't, Abi." " Cut the whingeing!" "Count down from 10." "Ten." "Nine." " Faster." " Eight." "Seven, Abi." "Six." "Five." "Four." "Three." "Abi..." "Two." "One." "There, he can walk all the way home." "It'll take him a while." "Dad, where did the gun come from?" "Why did you pull a gun on the guy?" " We're in deep shit now." " Don't be so scared." "Come on." "Look at what the guy says." ""Where are you meeting her?"" " He'd been drinking too." " What are we going to do, Abi?" "Take the forest road there." "I can't see a thing, Dad." "Hold on." "Hey, aren't those our doves?" "Mistik." "Madiþ." "Stop that." "Abi, let me give you that 300 while I remember." "The guys didn't want it back." "Maradona, what are we doing?" "What is this?" "We're on tour, Abi." "It's normal." "Ýskender." " Come on, you get some sleep." " You?" "I'm on duty." "Conditions are tough." "We're out in nature now." "Passengers for Çanakkale!" "Hey get up, you with the glasses!" "Get up!" "Good morning." "You know how he just carries on when I call him Sebahat sometimes?" "That really tickles me, you know." " Good morning." " Morning." "I have some water in the caravan." "Give it to the rabbit, will you?" " Haven't you slept, Dad?" " No." "Nature, the fresh air..." "It gives you so much energy." "You should get out of the city every now and then." " The rabbit's gone." " What do you mean?" "He's gone." "The door's open too." "The doves yesterday, the rabbit today." "Be a bit careful." "How can he be gone?" "For goodness sake!" "Why did you leave it open?" "I didn't open it!" "I was asleep." "Keep your eyes open, can't you?" "You were in charge of the rabbit." "OK, Abi." "We'll find him." "Dad, have you seen the rabbit?" "What rabbit?" "Come on." "We're running late." "For goodness sake!" "Look, can't you?" "OK, I'm looking." "Three hundred." "If we get three jobs like that..." "That would make 300, 300, 900." "That's right, isn't it?" "Let's talk about this when things are a bit calmer." "Calmer?" "The numbers speak for themselves." "What does that sign say?" "Does it say 'pancakes'?" " I'm not hungry." " We're starving." "The kitchen's closed." "The cook's not around." "I got some brake fluid." "Open her up and I'll put some in." "Close the thing." "What a performance." "It won't screw down." "As far as it goes." "Hold this." "Hello!" " You see that?" " Yes." "One, two, three..." "At the end of the day, why marry a man I don't want?" "Pressure." "Always pressure." "It was bound to come to this." "I planned it all in my head." "I decided to run away." "I just wish you'd given us some warning up there on stage." "We got a really rough deal there." "There was all kinds of drama." "Your father-in-law's mother died." " How?" " Hypnosis." " A heart attack." " No, really?" "Well thank you very much." "If I've made trouble for you..." "No, no." "No, you haven't." "But they did give us a hard time." "But I mean, you can't imagine what it was like." "It's unreal." "They're still calling, still chasing after me." " The groom's family?" " Them." "And my family." "Your parents must be upset." "I don't have any parents." "There's my brother." "He's calling." "Stuff it." "I'm not talking to him." "But crying won't get you anywhere." "It's no good crying." "I left just like that." "I've barely got a thing with me." "I thought I'd go to lzmir." "Except they know lzmir as well." "I went to school in Izmir." "I have friends there." " Where are you going?" " To Çanakkale." "Not only Çanakkale." "We're on a national tour." "We set out from Istanbul." "Izmir, Kuþadasi, Bodrum, Marmaris." "But crying won't do any good." "And I've got you in trouble too." "No." "It's not so much that you got us in trouble..." "In some ways it was good for us." "With the magic chest trick..." "It's the first time we've lost a girl on stage." "Maybe you haven't lost her." "Maybe you've won her." "Ah, the sweetheart!" "She's fallen sleep." "So Ýskender, is the girl coming with us?" "Well, yes." "What's wrong with that?" "She should, shouldn't she, Dad?" "Of course." "I have the girl worked out, son." "She ran away for her ideals." "She can come." "She's a smart girl too." "Good manners." "I've noticed, she's pretty too." "And Fatma's a nice name, huh?" "You know what my real name is?" "Fatma Nur Gaye." "Three names." "Your name's Ýskender." " What's yours?" " Orhan." "Just the one." " Why are you called Maradona?" " I call him that." "Because he's the best friend ever." "For me." " What's your name?" " Sait Tünaydin." "1.1.1946, God rest his soul." "So this is the way to Çanakkale." "Then, I mean, we can move on to lzmir together." "Well, if it's not any trouble." "No, of course not." "The trouble's behind us anyway." "Isn't that right?" "Huh, gentlemen?" "Do you like fish, Fatma?" "We'll go somewhere else if you like." "No, Sait Abi." "It's great." "Can we have raki too?" "Sure." "Abi, there's talk of raki there." "We don't want any scenes." "There won't be." "Give me 50 of that 300." "That leaves 250." "Four jobs for 250 and that's 1000 lira." "Give me a break!" "Hello, sir." "Welcome." "I'm here for my last meal of fish." "So find us a decent table." " Just the two of you?" " There's them as well." "How about here, sir?" "Dad, we're going to wash our hands." "Here, Fatma dear." "Let's sit where we can enjoy the view." "Perfect!" "Now listen." "What do you reckon?" "She's got something for me, hasn't she?" "I'm not certain." "Remember she said she had it all planned?" "For you?" "I wonder." "I don't know exactly." "She has." "She definitely has." "I'm not that naive." "I can tell." "She couldn't say, "Steal me away!" With everyone else around." "She's got something worked out." "It's all there in her eyes." "I can see it." "What's going on?" "Have you ordered yet?" "You what?" "I made a mistake." " I guess he can't see." " Yes." " Fatma." "Raki?" " OK." " Maradona, raki?" " Raki." " Dad, cola?" " Raki!" "Raki all round." "I have to make a call." "I'll be a couple of minutes." "Dad, don't let the raki turn you into a werewolf." "We made it to Çanakkale in one piece, huh?" "Semolina halva after the fish." "That's a must." "Then you can put Sait to rest under the marble." "Go ahead, Abi." "Go ahead." "I've got this signet ring." "I punched the guy..." "He was only young." "And blubbering." "Sebahat was yelling at me." " Me, in other words Sebahat." " Hang on." "The guy went and looked at his face in the rear-view mirror." "He went, "Where am I going to get this face fixed?"" "I've got so many stories." " I write stories like that." " Really?" "I have a small notebook." "I always write in that." "But amateur stuff." "Experiences like that, for example." "Then things I make up." "And a kind of diary sometimes." "People should write." "They forget." " And I compose stuff." " Songs?" "Well, music and lyrics." "These melodies come into my head." "I record them." "People like them." "I get them to listen." " On a demo?" " No." "I was going to make a demo." "In Istanbul." "I was planning to get Sezen Aksu to listen." "Right, as soon as you have a demo you should take it to Sezen Aksu." "But then with no support from the family..." "Some things are hard if your family isn't behind you." "Parents always want the best for their child." "And they'll help if the child does something good." "When the first computer came out, I got one for him." "He didn't even touch it." "But you have a great relationship as father and son." "Sure." "Like friends." "It wasn't like that for me." "I had a thousand dreams." "I haven't made a single one come true." "You're still young, dear." "If you say you'll do it, you will." "What do you mean anyway?" "Is fantasy such a good thing?" "Look, fantasy for you." "These guys are fantasy." "You talk about music, literature..." "Magic is a great profession, huh?" "It's so interesting." "What good does it do anyone, Fatma?" "It's about fooling people." "It isn't just that." "It's about exciting people too." "You really wonder what they're going to do next." "Just ask." "When did they last excite anyone?" "Why do you say that, Sait Abi?" "Wasn't everyone on tenterhooks when Ýskender made Fatma disappear at the wedding?" "So where does that leave us?" "The bill please." "Abi, give me a couple of minutes." "I've just seen something." " What's up?" "You seem kind of upset." " No." "Being a magician is great." "Don't get hung up about it." "You see?" "Fatma, write your stories in this." "Here." "Thank you so much, Sait Abi." "Got to be a gentleman." "Please, this way..." "I got Fatma a keyboard." "Battery operated." "It cost nothing. 30 lira." "That leaves 220, Abi." "So four jobs at 200 makes 800." "Fatma, here." "A keyboard." "To compose your music on." "It also does rhythms." "I don't believe it." "How did you find it just like that?" "I spotted it on the way in." "He has eyes like a hawk." "Doesn't miss a thing." " What shall I play?" " A funeral march." "Dad, it's 4.30." "Shall we do the war cemetery later?" "I can't go like this anyway." "It's shameful." "Let's go tomorrow." "The war cemetery?" "Put your seatbelt on." "Dad, take your shirt off or you'll start sweating." " Look, here's a sleeping bag." " OK." "Now look here." "Get that girl." "OK, OK." "Like I'm the one she's been waiting for..." " She's a gorgeous girl." " OK, Dad." "Don't shout." "A gorgeous girl." "Don't tell them you were drinking back in Istanbul." " These are the drums." " Don't do the rhythm now." " Shall I turn it on?" " No, not the rhythm." "Let me play something." "Wait." "How does it go?" "You're really good." "The keyboard was a good idea, huh?" "You know what I'm going to play?" "In fact, you could do your demos on this, Fatma." "These days even Sezen Aksu sings straight to tape." "But then the tape goes to a studio." " Not like this." " No, no." "The keyboard's great." "Fill the kettle and let's have some coffee." " Great idea." " OK." "Wow Fatma!" "So you almost got married, huh?" "It would take a lot to get me married." " What's this war cemetery thing?" " My Dad's kind of ill." "Ill?" "What kind of ill?" "Well..." "Mentally..." "He's had his gravestone made." "Plus he's got it into his head..." "He should be buried in Çanakkale." "Or so he tells Ýskender's sister." "We brought him with us as we were going on tour." " Crazy stuff!" " In other words, he's mad." "What?" "!" "He's not mad." "I'd say he's completely normal." "Otherwise we'd go straight to lzmir." "Still, once we've handled that..." "That's OK." "We'll go tomorrow morning." "It's no problem." "Hey, Ýskender!" "Put your glasses on." " Don't you have a headache, Abi?" " Yes." "Why don't you have laser surgery?" "I've discussed it with my doctor." " He gave a date for after the tour." " When we're back in other words." " Oh no." " What's up?" "A text message." "Fatma, you want me to switch off the keyboard?" " No point wasting the batteries." " OK." "You're really going overboard with the keyboard." "Go and lie down." "Fatma!" "Look, the keyboard's here." "Whenever you want to play..." " Who was it?" " No one." "You take milk?" "I don't think there is any." "Hey, bring the water over." "Do you just wear your glasses when you want?" "For me, glasses are a means not an end." "There's a bit of a phony side to magic, isn't there?" " How do you mean?" " I don't really know..." "Well, magic involves um..." "There's this trick, right?" "Where you get a woman to fly." "But you know deep down that she isn't actually flying." "I mean, that can really bother you." "So what you want is for the woman to fly for real." " I'm getting the message, Fatma." " What message?" "What's this, plying me with raki and laying me out in the caravan?" "What are you doing there?" "Son, I'm talking to you!" " We're just talking." " Ýskender." "Look at me, son." "Dad, we're not doing anything." "We're eating plums." "Here." "Wouldn't you know!" "So it's come to that, huh?" "You've got me out of a warm bed." "You said you were taking me to Çanakkale." "Showing off with the girl here, are you?" "Dad, if anyone's showing off it's you." "Sait Abi, come on." "Let's go for a wander, you and me." "Can I go like this in my underwear?" "Sure." "This is a holiday place." "Everything's normal." "Only the underwear isn't, right?" "You've been at the keyboard since morning trying to be the centre of attention." "They're back." "Look at the state of him." "Look at Dad." "Abi, I'm going to bed." "He'll be up at the crack of dawn wanting to go to the war cemetery." "Fatma has calmed him down though." "Shut up." "Go to bed." "I'm going to read." "What's he talking about?" "I mean, what's so funny?" "He's telling a joke." "Dad?" "Hey, get up!" "Dad's gone." "Dad!" " Fatma?" " Where are they?" "Well the keyboard's here." "Stuff the keyboard." "Fatma's bag is here." "They're not in the caravan, are they?" " No, Abi." " Dad, are you in the caravan?" "Oh God, please don't let it be anything like that." "Dad!" "Listen, I'm opening the door." "Don't open it just like that." "Knock first." "They're not here." "Abi, the gravestone's gone too." "You sleep like a corpse." "Completely dead to the world." "But you said you were staying up." "Who knows what he's told the girl." "What he's said to her." "I just pray he doesn't do anything to Fatma." "Where the hell have you gone at this hour?" " He's whacko!" "He's up to anything." " Shut up!" " Don't call him whacko." " Well isn't he?" " Was your Dad a genius?" " Keep your eyes on the road." "There's no brakes, moron." "Abi, slow down." "Slow down, Abi!" "What is this?" "A message!" "What were you trying to do there?" "You OK?" "The brakes failed, Abi." "What does it say, Abi?" "It says, 'Going to the war cemetery with Sait Abi." "Don't worry.'" " Ah!" " What do you mean "Ah!"?" "Here, go and check out the problem." "Abi, where's the war cemetery here?" "It starts over there, carries on here..." "Everywhere you look is the cemetery." "Let's get those brakes looked at and get going again right away." "Where can we do that?" "Didn't you see?" "Here you go." "'Brakes, brake lining.'" " Did we get lucky or what?" " So lucky!" " How long will it take?" " Yakup?" "Get behind the wheel and take the car in." "We'll fix in five minutes." "Ten minutes at the most." "Have you never been here before?" "No." "Everyone should come here." "Everyone should see it." "I wish we'd brought the other two." "They should see it too." "They don't see a thing, dear." "Hey, boss." "Isn't it done yet?" "Just finishing now." "I told you it would take a couple of hours." " Is that the toilet there?" " That's where we go." "Yakup, give them a pump." "Dayi, pump some air into these tyres, will you?" " Ýskender, come out." " Hang on!" "Abi, come out." "Maradona, is anyone with you?" "Yes." "I mean, for God's sake..." "I knew all along." " My glasses, Abi." "Wait." " What should I do now?" "Go to the police, or the gendarmerie?" "Or just get blood on my hands?" "She just threw her bag in our car." "We haven't seen her." "God damn it!" " What's going on?" " Nothing." "Tell her she can go to hell get into all the shit she likes." "You understand?" "I'm done with her." "But where are we going to see her?" "Shut up!" "That's good." "I mean, he didn't do a whole lot." "The gravestone has really scared the boys." "Why?" "Everyone needs one some day." "I'll take you to my own spot." "You'll love it." "Why did he hit you just like that?" "Shut up." "Now look here, don't say anything to Fatma..." "About her brother turning up and all that." "Don't stress the girl out." "It's over, finished." "I wonder if she'll come with us for the whole tour." "Maybe she will." "She can join the team." "She can sleep in the caravan." "I'll sleep here." "Dad's going in any case." "It would be so good." "Only, the mechanic took 150." "That leaves 70." "So three jobs at 70, three times seven..." "Stop that!" "I'm turning off here." "Yes, friend." "What's this gravestone?" "My father was carrying it." "Maybe you noticed him coming in." "My father's retired from the army." "He's always saying he wants to be buried in the Çanakkale war cemetery." "I mean, if he showed up with the gravestone asking to be buried here..." " We're on tour." "There's a girl with him." "I mean, as well as the gravestone." " My father's kind of ill." " Ill?" "Your father's ill." "And you're normal." "Right?" "Abi, come on." "I have work to do." "Move along, Abi." "Come on." "I bought this place with Sebahat, my late wife, way back in '85." "It's a beautiful spot." "They haven't brought me here once." "Why not?" "I guess the kids don't pay much attention to you." "Why should they?" "A man who chases away the neighbours with an axe." " You can't blame them either." " Well, how come it got to that?" "Look." "Can you see?" "There." "A souvenir from Cyprus." "Oh my goodness!" "I'm a war veteran." "I lived to tell the tale but I guess my brain got knocked about a bit." "They pensioned me off early." "Then, Fatma, I became really crabby." "Sharp vinegar spoils its own jar, as the saying goes." "And my jar was Sebahat." "She couldn't handle me being crazy." "She left us before her time." "I told them to bury us both here." "They said it was too far away." "I've come and tried it out now." "Is it really so far?" "Has it helped at least?" "It's made me think." "It's been like a rehearsal." "It's early days, Sait Abi." "You're so lucky to be touring round with your son." "He's always with you." "They take care of you too." "Let's not keep them waiting." "Come on." "Ýskender will worry." " The joker?" " No, the magician!" "He gets his magician streak from me." " Really?" " Of course." "Listen." "Years ago, before we were married, Sebahat used to go to the cinema with her family." "The open-air cinema in Yenidoðan." "They'd go at least three times a week." "Her sister got the tickets." "There were five of them." "I persuaded her sister to get six tickets instead of five." " So?" " So..." "I'd get to sit next to Sebahat in the family section every film." "Sneaky or what!" "That's being a magician for you." "But his mother wised up one day." "Come the eighth film, she said..." ""Hey, what's going on?" "That boy is always sitting next to us."" " The magician thing." " You're so sweet, Sait Abi." "If anyone's sweet, it's you, Fatma." "Why don't you drop the "Abi" from now on?" " Hey, it's 1.00." " Let's wait a bit longer." "If they don't show up we'll take another tour around." "No one can love you..." " We're back!" " As much as I love you." "Wait." "I'll play it on the keyboard, Sait Abi." "Where have you been, Fatma?" "We were worried to death." "Out exploring." "That's all." "You?" "We haven't done a thing." " Sait Abi, I'll be right back." " Don't be long." "Dad, why didn't you wake us up?" "Why did you go off with the girl?" " Where's the gravestone?" " It was too heavy." "I left it there." "Don't go on!" "Look, we got some wonderful fish." "And a grill." "Dad, look." "You've done Çanakkale." "Tonight it's the bus to Istanbul." "Don't worry." "I'll go back." "Fatma, there's the salad to make." "Come on!" "Well, aren't you in a good mood..." "I'm back in the land of the living thanks to Fatma." " Is that right?" " Yes." "Sait Abi, I have to tell you something." "There was a pile of gold and money in this bag." " It's not there." "It's gone." " What gold, Fatma?" "It was in my bag." "I left it in the car." "Look, Sait Abi." "Lf..." "No, Fatma." "They wouldn't do that." "Come with me." "Have you seen Fatma's bag?" "Yes." "What's the matter?" "Ýskender, my gold from the wedding was in the bag." "If you've taken it, I want it right back, Abi." "You've put some magic spell on the gold now, have you?" "Dad, is this some kind of tease?" "What gold?" "I don't believe it." "It's only been two days." "How could you be so obvious about doing it?" " Son, have you been into the bag?" " You really think we'd do that?" "Abi, tell her." "While we were looking for you the bag was with us." "I swear we didn't look inside." "Tell her about the guy showing up." "Sait Abi, if they've taken it they should give it back." "Why would we take your gold?" "I'll explain." "While we were looking for you, we crashed the car and had to stop." " Your brother turned up." " My brother?" "Your brother turned up." "He went through the bag." "Then he threw the thing at us and drove off." "He punched Ýskender." "Why did you bring up the punch?" " Your brother took it." " What brother?" "What are you saying?" "He even said to tell you he never wants to see you again." "He said you can go to hell." "My brother took the gold, did he?" "He went through the bag." "So I suppose he took it." " And you gave it to him." " Because he's your brother." "What damn brother?" "Whose brother?" "You idiots!" "Morons!" " Fatma..." " Hang on a second." "You're such jerks!" "Why did you give that guy the gold?" "Are you stupid?" "Were you born yesterday?" "Why did you do it?" "Why did you give the guy my gold?" "Because he's your brother." "But he isn't my brother." "That guy isn't my brother." "OK but Fatma, your brother said..." "You're still saying "your brother"." "Aslan isn't my brother." " What?" " Aslan and me work together." "I mean, we're a team." "It's been two years now." "We usually work outside Istanbul in small towns." "It's Aslan who decides on the type of job and the place." "Usually his favourite role is as my big brother." "Depending on the job he can also be an uncle, nephew, cousin..." "Or whatever." "Once the place is decided we move to the town a month beforehand." "Sometimes he's a lawyer, sometimes a pharmacist and sometimes a wholesaler selling supplies in Anatolia." "First we make ourselves popular with the local traders." "We try and make a good impression on everyone." "It depends on the mood of the place but I've even worn a veil before." "Then Aslan finds the fall guy in town." "That's when I step in." "There's a quick introduction and then dating." "Because we're very proper my brother insists on marriage." "The groom drinks too much so the wedding night is a farce." "And amid all the chaos we round up the wedding bounty." "Aslan brings a van round to pick up the trousseau." "And sometimes we get the groom's car as well." "That's like the icing on the cake." "Between ourselves we call it the 40s or 50s rabbit trick." "You understand now?" " The rabbit trick, huh?" " Why do you do it?" "That's exactly what I said." ""Why are we doing this?"" "I said I was fed up with it." "I didn't want to do it any more." "He forced me." "I said I'd tell the guys everything." "He threatened me." "Forget him." "He can get lost." "Let him keep the gold." "Anyway at the mechanic's he said he couldn't care what you did." " Yes." " But it's not that simple." "I told the guys, the groom's side." "I said I had the gold." "I told them I'd bring it back." "I talked to the guys." "We agreed to meet." "Here, look." "I sent a text message." "They said if I took the gold back that would be the end of it." "What will happen now?" "What am I going to do?" "You went and gave the guy the gold." "It was a mistake coming with you in the first place." "Thanks." "Really." "Thanks a lot." "OK." "Goodbye." "Fatma, you can't go off like that." "We'll work something out." "Forget it, Sait Abi." "I wasn't going to tell you." "Anyway I have now." "Everything has a solution, Fatma." " Goodbye." " Fatma!" " The fall guy number, huh?" " Goddamn retards!" "Idiots!" "Open your eyes for once!" "How were we supposed to know she doesn't have a brother?" "Did you realise?" "Sure." "You could tell right away." "I realised too, Sait Abi." "From the way she acted." " Shut up!" " You realised too." " So it's only me who didn't?" " Right." "It's only you who didn't." "Fatma." "Hang on a minute." "Don't go." "Forget it, Ýskender." "We'll take the gold back." "Please don't go." "Where are you going to find it?" "I'll find it somehow." "Please?" "How?" "When does a magician ever give away his secret?" "Look, this is how I'll find it." "I'll find it like this." "Please!" "Please don't go." "Shall we have a hug?" "Go on, Dad." "They've sealed the place." "No, they haven't." "It's the brats on the block trying to be funny." "There you go!" "Come on, Fatma." "In you go." "Go on." "Fatma, come on." "You sleep in there." " Go on now." " Here, I'll show you the bathroom." " Good night." " Good night." " Dad, you can sleep here." " Sit down." "Sit down." " What's going on?" " Here, take this." " There's no need for that." " Take it." "You have to magic up the gold tomorrow, right?" "Use it to get what you need." "Now look." "She's a great girl, son." "Marry her." "Oh come on!" "The guy says five, five and a half." " Where's your morphosing trick?" " What "morphosing"?" "We have to get the gold." "Even Dad came up with one grand." "Look Ýskoç, there's 300." "But that's for the eye job." "We'll do that later." "Give us the 300." "I've got 200." "That's one and a half." "OPEN YOUR EYES 50% off laser surgery" "Two and a half." "Hope it does you well." "Abi, it had the stereo." "We just fixed the brakes." "It's gone!" "I'll be right there." " How did you get on?" " We got it sorted." " Really?" " Really." " Where have you been?" " Getting supplies." " Put this on." " What's this?" "The show's ready in five minutes." "But we have to get set up." "OK?" "Don't laugh." "Nothing can exist in the universe when there is nothing nor can it die when nothing exists." "But with a little love just see what I'll do for you now." "I don't know if that does it but..." " Thanks so much, really." " What do you mean!" "Hey, joker." "Finally you get to do something meaningful." "With a little help from the family." "So Fatma should go and give them back their gold." "Wait, Fatma." "Hang on a minute." "Don't you go near there." "Let the boys go." "There's no need for that, Sait Abi." "I can do it myself." "But the guys will grab you there and want to know all about you, where the other guy is and so on." "We don't want any more trouble now." "Right, son?" "OK." "We'll go, Abi." "Now look." "You write them a letter." "An honest account, an owning up." "And Ýskender can deliver that too." "Sure." "We'll take along the gold and throw it in front of them." " They can't say anything more." " Exactly." "OK." "Let me go and write that letter then." "Right?" "OK." "Ýskender, really." "Thanks so much again." "Not you again!" "You're enough to drive anyone mad!" "What's going on here?" "You scum!" "Hey, calm down." "Come on!" "We're not after trouble." "We came to speak on Fatma's behalf." "Fuck off!" "We don't need any magicians!" "You don't know so of course you're saying that." "The guy took you all for a ride." "We came all the way from Istanbul." "Just hang on and we'll explain." "Don't worry." "The gold's here." "What gold?" "If you'd had your wits about you, you'd have realised." "The guy's a rip-off merchant." "You can't blame the girl." "He used the girl, you see." "What did he tell you?" "That he was a pharmacist, right?" " Who's he talking about?" " Aslan." "He's a pharmacist one day, a doctor the next, then a lawyer." "He goes from town to town collecting money like that." " Who?" "Her brother?" " He's still on about "her brother"." "God knows how they fell for it." "Here he is." "Here." "Still around then, are you?" "We were talking about you." " Just look at you!" " What's going on, Cemal Abi?" "Wait." "Sit down." "It's all down to this guy." "He conned the girl too." "Anyway Fatma has sent back the gold." "It's up to you now whether you hand him over to the police or the gendarmerie." "Whatever." "We've done our bit." "You're so full of shit!" "Just shut up!" " What are you talking about?" " Shut up!" "The gold's here." "What are you talking about?" "You used the girl..." "The gold?" " The rabbit trick, huh?" " Abi, this was full of gold." "She wrote you a letter." "Here." "Ýskoç." "Ýskender." "Abi." "Just a second." "Got any cologne, Abi?" "Sit down here, Abi." "You're OK." "You're fine." "It's nothing." "That's Fatma for you." "My sister." "You can't just disown her." "I thought if she got married and had a family she'd mend her ways." "What can I do?" "She's not mad." "You can't stick her in an asylum." "I don't know how many times this is now." "Fate for you." "We even got her a keyboard." "Dear Ýskender..." "Great Ýskender." "Maradona and Sait Abi." "Thank you for everything." "If only you hadn't given that guy my money  we'd have parted on better terms." "But still." "Ýskender, this bit is for you." "You're really good on stage." "Stay like that forever, OK?" "But have that laser thing done on your eyes." "Don't put it off." "Give Maradona a kiss for me." "Look after your Dad." "Don't hurry to bury him because I'm not around." "He's still alive." "Don't forget that." "OK, I loved you guys." "But it wasn't my plan to tag along with you." "I stole that expression 'rabbit trick'from you." "Your rabbit disappeared, right?" "I've never lied to you." "I told you I had a few stories." "Was that a lie?" "So you got to hear one of them." "Tell the truth." "Was it so bad?" "Yes, I took the gold." "But I left the keyboard." "You might play it." "That's all for now." "Ýskoç, don't think you've lost me." "Remember that first trick you did when you came up with two doves?" "And they flew away?" "Think like that." "Don't be angry." "Kisses, Fatma" "Ýskender." "Ýskender, look." "Look." "No glasses!" "I threw them out." "Everything's crystal clear." "Come on, get up." "On your feet." "Do something!" "It's great." "Do you really look like that?" "Why?" "Is it bad?" "It's good, isn't it?" "Orhan, fill up that water tank." "Good man!" "That's more like it!" "You can't get fed up with life!" "Ýskoç, I'm expecting star stuff from you this time." "What got into you?" "On your backside for two months!" " What did it cost you?" " It's a giveaway." "We'll get you fixed too if you'd get off your backside." " Let me give you a kiss." " What's going on?" "I just felt like it." "Close it good and tight." "Oh my God!" "Mistik and Madiþ are back!" "Hey, so we really are good guys." "Loyalty is really important." "I told you they were trained." "Well, there you go." "OK, close the lid." "You can get them in later." "That's good." "Really good." "Fantastic." "Who's that?" " Why aren't you answering?" " Ah!" "Sait Abi!" " What do you reckon?" " What's that?" "It's a motorcaravan." "Not the kind you have to tow." "Abi, what's going on?" "I sold the land in Çanakkale and bought this." "I don't have to put up with that Gazanfer's weird moods." "If we're going to go on tour let's do it properly." " You're great, Sait Abi." " Come here." "That's not all." "Look at what's written there!" "If only it said 'magician', Sait Abi." "Oh, come on." "'Joker' is just fine" "Hey, what happened to your glasses?" "I had surgery, Abi." "The laser thing." "Well look at you, showman!" "Hey where's Ýskender?" "Fuck!" "What's going on?" "Maradona?" "Ýskender?" "Ýskoç!" "The key!" "The key's gone!" "Where's the key?" "What are you doing?" "Is it locked?" " It's locked, Abi." " Oh God!" " Ýskoç!" " Stand back." "Lay him down." "There." "Easy does it." "Ýskender." "Son!" "Open your eyes, son." " Ýskender." "Son." " Isn't he breathing?" "I got a book." "Son!" "I got a book on magic." "Ýskender." "Son!" "The caravan, son." "The caravan's at the door." "Ýskender, come back!" "Come back, son!" "Come back!" "We're going on tour!" "Come on, son!" "Come on, son!" "Come back!" "Wake up!" "Come back, magician!" "Come back!" "Come back, magician!" "Come back!" "Come back, I said!" "How long was that?" "3'46", Abi." "You fell for it, didn't you?" "Admit it, you fell for it." " I did." " You fell for it, didn't you?" "I did." "I did." "You both fell for it." "I swallowed the key." "And I was here looking for the key."