"Previously on Bunheads..." "Joffrey's School of Ballet will be coming here to hold auditions next week for their summer scholarship program." "I was thinking I was gonna try out." "Well, it certainly can't hurt." "God, Boo, why don't you just give them a lap dance?" " I could kill Sascha." " She's so awful." "She's having a bad day." "You have no idea what it's like to be me, boo." "Don't psychoanalyze me, feel sorry for me or defend me." "I'm fine." "Michelle:" "This is your home, Fanny." "You are going to live here, and I'm going to move into the guesthouse." "It is not possible that all of this stuff is mine." "It's a physical impossibility." "I'm pretty sure it's all yours." "A-ha!" ""Pretty sure."" " That's not absolutely sure..." " I'm pretty absolutely sure." " It's all on the manifest." " Whoa there, partner." " Where you going with that?" " He's just taking it inside." "What?" "No." "I don't have enough inside for all of this to go in." "I mean how many more boxes are there?" "These are all the boxes." "What's left is just furniture." "Furniture?" "Oh my God." "That stupid landlord." "You want a little backstory?" "To tell you the truth, I really don't" "See, I had to leave Vegas in a hurry." "I wasn't running from the law or anything." "I just bolted really quickly and left all my stuff in my apartment, so I made a deal with the landlord to ship it." "Only he threw in stuff that isn't even mine for sure." "I mean this?" "Does this look like something I would own?" "Me?" "Actually, this is mine." "I have a crazy aunt who has a thing for Mexico." "But the bulk of this stuff-- no way!" "Comin' through." "Watch your backs." "Oh my God." "Oh my God." "The buffet?" "Are you joking?" " It's on the manifest." " But this is one of the old pieces of crap furniture that was in the place when I took it." "I never even touched it after that first day when I opened this drawer, and there was this thing in it." "( Small gasp )" "The thing's still there." "Wow." " I'm not taking this!" " We have to leave it." " It's on the" " It's on the manifest." " I know." " ( Clock bell tolls )" "Oh." "Well." "Hello there, grandpa." "Nice to see you." "I need these dirt patches filled in." "I know there's not enough sun to ain it." "But just to get me through the auditions." "And I want to plant flowers along the base of the studio and all around the back." "Color!" "Think color." "What's going on here?" " I'm being robbed in reverse." " What?" "Things are being brought to me that I do not own or want." "Do not say what you're about to say." "Follow me." "Follow me!" "Oh, me?" "Okay." "Every barre is loose, so tighten them." "Now the audio." "The left speaker on the stereo is still staticky even after you fixed it the last time, so please look at it again." "The new mirror is over there." "Please put that up first, so that I know that it's perfect." "And get all that stuff out of there." " Did you hear me?" " Hear what?" "Get all of that stuff in the driveway" " out of there." " Sorry, you're cues today on who you're talking to are a little vague." "Now, the thing about the stuff-- is that it's all going bye-bye." " Yes, but" " No buts." "I'm trying to deal with it, Fanny." "It's just more than I thought there was going to be." "I mean I didn't want any of that furniture shipped." "It's junk!" " Was it on the manifest?" " ( Angrily ) Yes." "( Whines ) But it's not even mine." "I mean I took this place in Vegas partially furnished because at the time I was coming off of a partially unhappy relationship with this guy that I lived with-- more unhappy than partial." "And I thought, "great!" "Less stuff to buy."" "But, oh my God, the stuff in this apartment" "I mean the grandfather clock actually has a cutout in the back, like clemenza used it to stash a gun for Michael to shoot the police chief with." "Wait." "Who killed a police chief?" "Michael in "the godfather."" "Oh my God." "How long did I tune you out that you went all the way there?" "So I'm just saying all of that stuff" " will be gone" " Immediately." " If not immediately" " Then immediately." "So if there's any extra storage nooks or crannies that I could temporarily put some of this stuff in," " that would be" " No." "There are no nooks, there are no crannies-- not with the joffrey people coming." "I don't want them accidently opening a door and the end table from "blue velvet"" "lands on their heads." "( Whining ) But it's so much stuff." "Make it disappear." "Like David Copperfield." "That's a Vegas reference." "You know how David Copperfield makes stuff disappear?" "Actually, I don't." "David Copperfield is a very professional magician who honors the value of keeping the mystery of the magical arts alive." "I'm feeling very fatalistic about all this." " Is there any more?" " Not much more." "Do me a solid and make like David Copperfield." " The magician?" " Yeah." "I'm sorry." "( Sighs ) I didn't think so." "( Theme music playing )" "( Gasps ) Garlic hummus with the super crunchy pita chips." "We should get that." " Nope." " Just the pita chips?" "Put the bag down, mom." "Thanks." " Here." " They look so crunchy." "Let's go find some radishes." "That sounds fun." "I do like my fancy shopping bag." "We are so global bringing our chemist totes like this." "I only had to bug you for a year to get you to do it." "It was the picture of that seagull choking on that plastic bag that did it." "Made me cry." "And now this makes me happy." "Like that seagull choked for a reason." " Look how colorful!" " ( Sighs ) Boo!" "Ah, this stuff's beautiful." " Boring!" " We'll get 2 bundles of the radishes." "We already have turnips, celery." "I'm just trying to be good." "The joffrey auditions are in one week." "Now is crunch time." "Get it?" "Cruntime." "( Chuckles ) A thing as having too much of a good thing." "Let's get something fun." "I did." "I got edamame." "( Sarcastically ) Hooray for edamame!" "( Gasps ) Look!" "The homemade peanut butter cups from the hippie place in topanga canyon." "It's a miracle they have these." "They're usually all off on their naked retreat" " this time of year." " No." " Come on." " No." " Get them for me then." " I'm not stopping you." "It's more fun when we eat stuff together." " Mom." " I just" "I worry a little bit." "I mean this joffrey audition" " seems so important." " It is so important." "You were so disappointed last year when you didn't get in, remember?" "Yeah, I remember." "You cried all week long," "I got you that cake to cheer you up and we ate the whole thing, every bit of it." "That was a good cake." "( Exhales ) So good." "But this year's different." "I'm better." "I'm a better dancer, I'm in better shape" "You are in perfect shape." "You are perfect." "I'm ready." "I know I'm ready." "Okay, but if it doesn't work out" "It will, you'll see." "Okay." "Just checking." "Kettle corn!" "Ah, keep moving." "Keep moving popcorn's a whole grain." "The Southern lady on the food channel" " said so." " ( Gasps ) Ooh, kale." "( Sighs )" "( Country music playing )" "( Spits )" "Hot." "Is that hot?" "Ooh, that's hot." "( Hissing )" "Uh-oh, spadoodle-ohs." " ( Clangs )" " Oh!" "Uh!" " ( Hissing louder )" " Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "Help!" "Help!" "Anybody!" "Anybody?" "Anyone who knows anything about gas?" " ( Thuds )" " Ow!" "Ah!" "It's like a storage facility in here." " Fanny?" " Why are your doors open?" " Why are you here?" " And why is your window open?" " Is everything okay?" " Aren't you freezing?" " It's freezing in here." " That's what I just said." " Are the windows open?" " And the door." "I left the door open?" "We have got to get out of this mobius strip of conversation" " or I'll scream." " Oh, get used to it." " I'm slow to awaken." " We don't sleep together." "Why should I get used to it?" " Bright!" " Well, I have to see." "Everything was open 'cause the place filled up with gas from the stove." "I had to air it out or die." "We got it off eventually." "We?" "Who's we?" "Me and your guy." " What guy?" " Oh, the guy with the beard." "He was outside and asked if I needed help." "So he helped." "I don't have a guy." "Then who the hell was that?" "I don't know." "Maybe a stalker or Charlie manson's kid brher." "I thought he was your guy." "Boy, the beard made him seem so kind, like Lincoln." "This place is a mess." "It's 'cause I have too much stuff, and too little place." "When joffrey is here it cannot be this way." "I'll be a laughingstock." "I have no kitchen." "I've just discovered that." "The fridge is hot, the stove is busted and I can't open three of the cupboard doors." "This hasn't been a working kitchen for years." "Well, can I borrow your kitchen?" "Why not?" "I mean, technically it's yours." "No." "It's yours." "I'd just be borrowing it." "Be my guest." "Just don't come too early." " Or I'll wake you up?" " Yes." "That would be rude." "Did you pack this?" "No, my dirty little landlord did." "Well he has no respect for possessions." "But he alphabetized my cds." "That's weird, right?" "That sounds weird." "I wouldn't wear any of this underwear until you wash it." "Do you have hangers?" "In the armoire." "You're very peppy Miller." "I don't sleep much." "But sleep is sublime!" "Oh, I sleep, but I only need two or three hours." "And the middle of the night is the perfect time to get things done," " when all the noises of the day have dissipated." " Fanny, don't do that." " I don't mind." " No." "I don't mean you don't have to do that." "I mean, don't do that." "But if you don't unpack, all your stuff will smell like box." "Do you hang sweaters or fold them?" "Fold." "This reminds me of when I first left home to study dance out of town." "I was only 16." "My God." "Can you imagine?" "16 and out of the house." "The week before I left, my mother gave me this book," ""how a young lady should do things."" "It was this ancient little tiny leathery thing." "Sounds like my Vegas landlord." "I read it cover to cover." "A lot of it was corny and out-of-date." "I mean there was a chapter on how to look ladylike in a rumble seat." "But it was charming too." "I learned housekeeping, etiquette, the best packing rules." "You have three tiaras." "Mm-hmm." "Why would anyone need one cheap party store tiara," " let alone three?" " It is so too much the middle of the night to be sussing something like this out." "This one still has a price tag on it." "Good." "I can return it." "I will say it's nice to have someone to talk to." "It's so quiet around here" " in the middle of the night." " Mmm." "Someone to talk to." "( Music stops )" "( Music continues )" "There's room at the barre." "I'm good." "See the dancing show last night?" "Yup." "I don't know who half the people are" "A bunch of washed-up alcoholics." "Mm-hmm." "And we saw Michelle in her underwear." "( Flatly ) Wow." "Sorry to bother you." "Simple sandwiches-- nice variety and small." "These are for ballerinas and their moms." "No dagwoods." "You're grimacing." "Why are you grimacing?" " You know what weird?" " What?" "I get hungover after nights I don't drink." " That is weird." " I mean I got Jon Bonham banging around up there." "I haven't had a drink since Thursday." "Maybe it's a sugar thing." "Did you eat too much sugar?" "I don't eat sugar." "Wait." "I did drink last night." " Good grief." " And I had a candy bar." " So it was a combo." " Could I get both of you to focus please?" " Sorry, Fanny." " Yeah, I'm cool." "Let's do this." "So on the sandwiches-- keep the crusts, lose the crusts?" " Lose them." "It's classier," " Wait wait wait." "I'm not cutting the crusts off of anything, not again." "I cut my finger last time." "So have someone else cut off the crusts." "Crusts are the best part." "Why would you cut off the crusts?" "I like crusts too." "Rico, if you're not willing to do what I need you to do," "I will take my business elsewhere." "I'm cool with that." "Fine!" "Keep the crusts." "Now, the salads." "I need you to dress them lightly." "Last year it was as if you waterboarded them." "( Laughs )" "What's so funny?" ""Waterboarded the salads," man." " That's sick." " "Don't waterboard the salads."" " Got it, Fanny." " Good." "Now." "On to the welcome refreshments." "Those weren't the welcome refreshments?" "Yeah." "I thought those were the welcome refreshments." "No, guys." "Those were the afternoon snacks." "Aren't you listening?" " I'm trying." " How much are these people gonna eat?" "Rico!" "How are you ever gonna make it as a caterer with that sort of attitude?" "I'm not trying to make it as a caterer." "I'm just gonna make you some sandwiches." "( Sighs ) Oh drag!" " We're still open." " Aw, I'm dealing with Fanny here." "Nina, we're catering that thing again." " You're not a caterer." " I told her I'm not a caterer." " He's not a caterer." " ( Mouths )" "We're just trying to bank some extra scratch, so we don't have to stay open seven days a week." "We're open seven days a week?" "Who made that decision?" "I don't know." "One of us at some point." " ( Softly ) It's stupid." " I know!" "( Cellphone ringing )" "Of course!" "Lisa from the Joffrey." "Now what?" "Hello?" "Yes, hello, Lisa." "What's up?" "I see." "Okay, uh" "Well, I can be back at the house in, oh, 10 minutes." "I'll read it and I'll call you back." "Thanks for the heads up." "Yeah." "Bye now." "I have to go home." "Bad news?" "What'd she say?" "She didn't." "She just said they're sending a fax." "And that's a bad thing?" " ( Door opens )" " I guess that's a bad thing." "Hey!" "Try to find out how hungry they all think they're gonna be!" "( Door closes ) Fanny:" "Five days!" " Five days notice?" " Five days." "Five days." "What am I supposed to do in five days?" " I don't know." "It's horrible." " ( Door opens )" "It's horrible and insulting, because this was on purpose." " Hey, Fanny, can I" " Shh-shh-shh-shh!" "Okay?" "What's happening?" "( Emphatically ) Joffrey sent" " a fax." " Wow." "There's still fax machines?" "Fanny, I know that this isn't the best time, but it's kind of important." "Sorry." " What?" " Is my toilet on a timer?" " What?" " Well it only seems to work at certain times of the day." "Like right now it's 11:30, and it conked out again." "It did the same thing yesterday at the exact same time-- 11:30." "This is the worst possible moment to be talking about your toilet." "Well, there's never really a good time to discuss a toilet, in my experience." "What's wrong, Fanny?" "The Joffrey has sent a fax." "The fax being their bomb-dropping vehicle of choice." " What's it say?" " They're cancelling the auditions." "Oh-- oh my God!" "Those poor girls." "They've been preparing for weeks." "Are they just doing away with the summer program?" "No, they're still holding the auditions, but they're holding them somewhere else." "Oh wow-- Short notice!" "Why?" "Read for yourself." ""Dear Fanny, once again, it's been a pleasure working with you on the 2012 Joffrey summer program auditions for Southern California, and we hope this letter finds you well." "We were wondering if you could provide an update on the state of the wood floor in the dance studio." "It's our last piece of outstanding business." "In advance, we thank you." Et cetera, et cetera." "I'm confused." "What's the problem?" " What's the problem?" " What's the problem?" " They just lopped my head off..." " "Game of thrones."" " ...with no warning." " Ned-Starked her." "I'm re-reading." "I see nothing about a head, a guillotine, an evil boy king with mommy issues." "I'm behind here." "They've cancelled on me." "It says nothing about cancellation!" "Well, you don't speak Joffrey." "That's what it says!" "I disagree." "Truly, be the tiebreaker here." "Oh, no." "I'm no good at breaking ties." "I'm good at being in the majority after the majority has already voted, so I can see which way things are gonna go." "That's... my thing." "12 years I've hosted these auditions, only to be jettisoned like a used tire." "Did I deserve this?" " No!" " I don't know." "I mean no." "Of course not." "Hey, do you do curtains?" "( Door shuts )" "( Acoustic guitar music playing )" "All right, let's see." "French, German, Asian language," "Chinese, Spanish." "Where's English?" "English." "( Acoustic guitar music playing ) All right." "Come on." "( Sighs )" "( Sighs )" "You're better than this." "There is no English!" "There is no English!" "( Groans )" " ( Sighs ) - ( Clatters )" "Fanny:" "I hate that you're giving me the runaround like this." "Because I'm getting the runaround." "That's why I'm complaining about getting the runaround." "Now, sweetie, saying you don't mean to be giving me the runaround doesn't mean it's not happening." "You sound young." "How young are you?" "19?" "And you're Lisa's assistant?" "You're not Lisa's assistant." "Then who are you?" "I'm talking to an intern." "Why didn't you tell me you were an intern?" "No, identifying yourself is part of your job, along with sharpening pencils and fetching frappuccinos." "Now have someone who's at least two notches above you and born in the last century, call me back quickly." "Please." "Goodbye." " Sounds tense." " What do you need?" "I just wanted to sneak in and grab the toolbox." "I'm having a little curtain rod trouble." "It's where it always is." "Oh." "By the way, I think I figured out why Sylvia Plath killed herself." "She was trying to hang a curtain rod." "She probably tried to hang herself on the curtain rod, but it broke, so it was on to plan B." "So, really bad call?" "It's over." "Joffrey's moving the auditions." "You're kidding?" "Where?" " Ojai." " Ohio?" "Really?" "Not Ohio-- Ojai." "It's that slum 30 miles north of here." "You can all go." "We've done enough for today." "But we never even started." "Go!" "It's the kidnapping capital of California." " What is?" " Ojai." "They mistreat animals too." "Oh, that Kelly Breen." "That evil Kelly Breen." " Joffrey lady?" " Owns the dance studio in Ojai." "She's been lobbying for this every year, and she finally got her way." "She almost got it last year, but then that flood hit them and all those people died, and so she lost out." "Close call." "It was a close call." "So wait?" "Ojai." "You know, now that I think about it," "I've heard really good things about that place." "Impossible." "It's dirty and all the people are high on mushrooms and wear sandals." "No, on TV." "I saw this whole thing about it on "Samantha brown."" "Oh, she was walking around this great spa." "Getting seaweed wraps, playing golf on this gorgeous course." "And at pink hour, they served a giant platter of shrimp." "I don't know who this Samantha brown is, but she sounds like an idiot." "No no no, she's this ex-actress and now she has this travel show and she gets to go to fun places." "Well, she's obviously a very good actress if she made you believe she liked Ojai, because Ojai is a pit!" "No, she doesn't act on her show, it's just her walking around places." "I don't want to talk about this woman anymore." "Or Ojai." "I think I'm missing something here." "The girls still get to audition, right?" "Ojai's not that far." "Of course they can audition." "I won't be there, but they can be." "They why?" "Why is it so important that they're held here?" "It's so much work." "You really don't get it, do you?" "But I do." "All right, the floor is a little funky." "There's loose boards, it needs a sanding, and they want it fixed." "So if you want the auditions here so damn much, fix the damn floors." "Oh." "Fix it!" "Why didn't I think of that?" "Fix the floor." "Pay the money to get someone to come in and fix the floor." " Yes." " Okay!" "Well, I'll just go out back to the barn and get my goose that lays the golden eggs and I'll squeeze one of those little suckers out of her" "One should do it." "Or wait, how about this?" "I'll wait for the magical rainbow that will lead me to where the sprightly elf has hidden the pot of gold." "And I'll grab those gold coins and whatever other treasure he has-- maybe a crown or some ingots-- and then I'll have the money to fix the floor." "I'm picking up a wee bit of snark here, so I'm going to take my toolbox and leave you to spiral down the rabbit hole you've jumped into." "Send a postcard!" "Great." "Perfect." "Your timing is perfect!" " Geez." " My point shoes are broken." "Broken." "There's no way" "I'm getting through the Joffrey auditions." "So buy another pair." "Buy another pair." "That's genius." "A really genius idea." "Thanks for that." " I just meant" " It doesn't matter." "( Sighs ) Just ask your mom." "My mom just bought me these two months ago." "There's no way she's going to spring for a brand-new pair now." "Just for the auditions?" "Especially since she thinks there's no way I'm getting in." " That's not true." " It's completely true!" "She thinks I'm a loser, and that I'm totally gonna crap out along with everybody else in this place." " She didn't say that." " She didn't have to." " The cake did." " What cake?" "The cake in the fridge with the frosting that says," ""better luck next year!"" "With a stupid exclamation point at the end." "She probably buys them in bulk." "Look, your mom is just" "Don't say anything about my mom." "Wow, truly." "These curtains-- they're great." "I'm happy with them." "I mean we didn't even discuss color or style, but it's as if we did." "They're exactly what I want." " I know." " But how do you know?" "How do you know what I want?" "I've always been able to tell exactly what everybody wants, except for me." "Well, they're perfect." "Really." "Unfortunately, hanging them's" " out of the question." " Why?" "Ah, I had a little disagreement with the tension rods." "Big emphasis on the word "tension."" "I don't if Al Qaeda has heard of these things, but mailing one to every household in America would bring us to our knees." "What are those?" " Curtain rods." " Wow, they're perfect." "You really do know everything about everyone except yourself." "Anything you need me to help you out with, or if you need me to be nurse Jackie with the tools, passing them up to you, I'm at the ready." "Could you get me a pen so I can mark for a screw?" "Absolutely." "Pen pen pen pen pen pen pen pen pen pen pen pen." "I do not have a pen." "They all got lost in the great Vegas furniture onslaught of 2012." " I'll make do." " Yeah." "So how's that Fanny doing?" "You unlucky enough to get in her path lately?" " I haven't seen her." " Well, I have, and my ears are still ringing." "She lost her mind in the studio." " It was crazy." " She's definitely on edge these days." "I know, but I'm wondering if she hasn't lost perspective on all this." "Can you pass me the Phillips head." "Uh, sure." "I mean she's hosted them for so many years." "She's done it." "It's time to relax." "Do you know which one the Phillips head is?" "Uh, yeah." "It's the" " No." " Just bring me what you find." "Plus the money." "I mean, she pays for all these improvements on the property, so she's actually losing money on the thing." "Flathead." "Phillips head." " Who's Phillip?" " I don't know." "And hey, bottom line-- it's about the girls." "This is for them." "Can I just say something about all of this?" " Yes." "Please." " You know Fanny's story, right?" "The gist of it." "Fanny started dancing at four." "She was en pointe at age 9, won her first dance competition at age 10." "She was invited to dance at Ballet de Russe de Monte Carlo at age 16." "Fanny was a professional at an age where you and I were mastering the curling iron and writing fan letters to Jason priestly." " He was handsome." " He still is." " Yeah." " Fanny could have gone anywhere she wanted to go, then she fell in love." "Got pregnant." "She was gonna go back, but she never did." "She gave it up, so..." "This studio, these girls, her teaching, her business, her reputation-- this is all she has." "Yeah." "I guess so." "( Sighs deeply ) I took a big chunk of my blue paint out when I was trying to put the tension rod up, so I'll need to get some to match." "You are good." " ( Crickets chirping ) - ( Shower running )" "Mom." "( Water stops )" "( Door closes )" "Hi." "I'm Michelle Simms." "( Piano music playing )" "♪ Me and my baby" "♪ my baby and me" "♪ we're 'bout as happy as babies can be ♪" "♪ what if I find that" "♪ I'm caught in a storm?" "♪ I don't care, if baby's there ♪" "♪ then baby's bound to keep me warm ♪" "♪ we're sticking together" "♪ and ain't we got fun?" "♪ So much together" "♪ they count us as one" "♪ tell old man worry" "♪ to go climb a tree" "♪ 'cause I got my baby" "♪ my sweet little baby" "♪ look at my baby and me." " ( Music stops ) - ( Panting )" "( Papers shuffling )" "You want me to do it again?" "No." "( Gasps )" "( Acoustic guitar music playing )" " Man:" "Good to see you." " Woman:" "Yeah, you too." "We'll do it again." "( Bells chiming )" "Ah." "Hey, I love that." "You have one of those welcome bells." "Very Mayberry." "Can we help you?" "Yes." "Hi, my name is Michelle." " Bob." " Don." "Bob and don." "Nice to meet you." "So I am new in town." "I moved here about a month ago or so." "And I'm at the flowers place on Forster." " Do you know it?" " Sure." "Fanny's place." "Right." "Fanny's place." "And so now I'm there with Fanny, and she has that dance studio." "And there's an event coming up for which we need your expertise." "My niece takes classes there." " Katrina." " Nice." "Don't know her." "But there's a connection here." "That's good." "So the event is the prestigious Joffrey summer program auditions, and we need help with our dance floor." "We're got some loose boards, it needs a sanding, buffing." "And according to your website, you offer those services." "We're at your disposal." "Yeah, we can get a couple guys out there in an hour." " When do you need 'em?" " Now." "Yesterday." "This is great." "Thank you." "We'll just come out and assess everything first." "And then we just need 50% up front," " and we can get started." " Ah, there's the rub." "We don't have the 50% right now." "Ah well." "That could be a problem." "But you know what?" "Why don't you give me a ballpark figure of what the cost is?" "And maybe we do have the 50%." "Well, let's see." "Uh, we replace even just a few of the boards, the sanding, the whole thing, that's about 700 square feet or so." "I'd say eight." "And doing the finish-- the coats and all-- it'll be at least" " $2200." " Or more." "Yeah, we don't have the 50%." "We might have 10% of the 50%." " Would that make this happen?" " I can't do it." "I gotta get my guys paid." "And the balance is due on completion." "So you should kinda have 100% of it now." "Right." "Fair enough." "Fair enough." "Oh hey!" "I didn't think of this before." "Do you guys do layaway?" " Uh..." " See, when I was a kid, there was this store called contempo casuals, and you could put a really cute outfit on layaway in June, for say, three months." "And as long as you didn't get fat by September, you'd have a really cute outfit." "When do you pay for the outfit?" "When you pick it up in September." " It's a fall outfit." " I'm not sure how that corresponds to us to fixing that floor." "Yeah, 'cause when we fix it and are done, it's the same as you paying for the dress." "You pay when you get the thing." "That's one way of looking at it." "The other way of looking at it is..." "It's fun!" "Sorry." "Okay." "I took a shot." "Thanks for your time." " Bob, right?" " Yup." "Bob-- short for Robert?" "It's a nice, solid name." "I like this vest too." "Says workin' man." "Strong workin' man." "Knows his Phillips heads." "You need something else?" "Yes." "Bob, you are looking at a damsel in distress." "She is desperately in need of a knight to come and rescue her-- white horse optional." "Be my knight, Bob." "I'm sorry." "We can't extend credit." "Nothing personal." "Yeah, yeah." "I get it." "Don, right?" "Short for Donald." "Donick, actually." "Even better." "No vest for you, huh?" " We can't help you." " Okay." "So..." "No one wants to do me or your floors." " What are you talking about?" " Is there a libido issue in this area?" "Has something in the water killed off all the testosterone in the town of paradise?" "Or have I very suddenly lost" " all my skills to seduce?" " Who are you trying to seduce?" " The hardware store guys." " Bob and don?" " Yes." " Fat Bob and Skinny Don?" "Bob had a tummy, yes." " Bob and don?" "!" " Bob and don, yes!" " For sex?" " No!" "To do our floors." "I strutted my stuff a little bit to get them to do it on layaway like contempo casuals, and they turned their backs." "Will I ever be able to go in that store again?" "I'd give it some time." "This is a weird-ass chair." "Why are you suddenly involving yourself with my floors?" "Because I've made it my mission." "And when I make something my mission," "I don't rest until it's mission accomplished." "I'm going to get those floors fixed." "I'm going to get the auditions back." " It's too late." " It's not too late." "Fix the floors, show Joffrey the Ojai stats on animal abuse, and mushroom consumption." "We'll get 'em back!" " I still don't understand why" " I did some research." "I found an Internet cafe, went online, found a town-- a bigger town north of here with multiple resources for fixing a dance floor." "Friendly-looking guys featured in the ads." "Can't tell how horny they are, but I'll find out when I get there!" " What town?" " Oh, it's a weird name, like a joke name-- almost a dirty name." "Oxnard." "Now get in the car." "We're driving to Oxnard." "I've spent my whole life avoiding Oxnard." " So you know it?" " Of course I know it." "Well, we are both Oxnard-bound and I am willing to flirt with multiple Oxnardians, because Joffrey's not going to Ojai!" "Times a wastin.'" " this is ridiculous." " I'm on a mission." "What are these?" "My lame dad got them for me." "They're totally wrong, and I just thought maybe you'd want them." "Oh my God." "They're brand-new." "I never wore them." " They're my size." " Yeah, he's an idiot." "He bought them way too big." "Three sizes too big?" "Yeah, that's the thing, right?" "I mean, what?" "He's walking down an aisle of dancewear and he has a stroke or something?" "But your dad buys everything for you." " Why would he sudden" " Look, throw them out, set 'em on fire, whatever." "I just don't need 'em, okay?" " Almost there." " Good." "Best view of Oxnard is in the rearview mirror." "Ah, you should tweet that." "I don't do that." "Me neither." "I do." "You tweet?" "That's surprising to me." "Yeah, it's a good way to keep in touch with family." "You know, keep 'em posted on your comings and goings." "Right." "I usually think of it as just something celebrities do." " ( Man chuckles )" " Makes sense though." "Okay." "This is it." "Wow, nice space." "There's the wood you ordered, all stacked up." "There's a bathroom upstairs." "I'll bring some soda and snacks out for you." "I'll get started right now." "This is weird." " Why?" "He's qualified." " We don't even know his name." " Floyd." "It's Floyd." " Last name?" "He said it at one point-- Prelutsky or something like that." "Okay." "We're fine vetters." "They should put us in charge of finding vice-presidential candidates." "We don't need to know his last name." "He was just so available." "I don't like that." "Oh, is that how you judge things like this?" "If people are willing to do what you want them to do," " then you don't want them?" " No." "It's just he was our fourth choice." "What is it with floor guys?" "They don't like you, that's for sure." "I think it's the California coast." "For some reason, I'm not hot in California." "Especially Oxnard." "Ugh." "Oxnard." "Told you." "So how much is Floyd getting?" "Nothing." "We talked and he's gonna let me pay him later." "Did you seduce him, Mrs. Robinson?" " To do a degree." " Coo coo ca choo." "It's not like that." "What is Floyd expecting?" "To fix the floors, sleep on our cot and leave in the morning-- nothing else." "Okay." "Got it." "Sleep with a baseball bat." "Young lady, when you get to be my age, you know how to lead a man on, get him to do what you want, give him nothing and send him crying back to his wife." "Okay." "Just..." "Be safe." "As long as he does the floors." "And not you." "Good morning, Lisa." "Fanny!" "Lisa from the Joffrey." " Ah, nice to meet you." " Likewise." "The floors look wonderful." "I was going to fax you about it." " Thank you." " A couple of days ago," "I had to fax the studio in Ojai with the news we weren't coming." "They faxed back that they were disappointed." "That's too bad." "Well, time to get started." "Looks like we have a good group here." "Bye." "She said bye." "Surprised she didn't fax it." "I never doubted they'd want to be here." "Oh, right." "Yeah, not for a moment." "Lisa:" "Gather around, everybody, please." "Gather around." "Good morning, everyone." "Welcome to the 2012" "Joffrey summer program auditions." "We're going to get started in just a minute." "Listen for your numbers, please." "And good luck." "( Guitar music playing ) ( Woman vocalizing )" "Lisa:" "All right, this is to confirm the people in my first group." "Number 23, warden." "Number 18, Connely." "Number 26, Waggeman." "Number 16, Jordan." "Number 62" "All right, front row seats." "Ooh, first group's going in." "You got boo and Sasha in that one." "Exciting." "( Gasps ) Here's something else exciting." "Excellent." "You know..." "I forgot to ask you about Floyd." " What about him?" " He did okay on the floor." " Obviously." " He fix anything else?" "There's nothing else that needed fixing." "Waxed everything that needed... waxing?" " He seemed to." " Next morning he..." " Got off okay?" " He got off just fine." " ( Chuckles )" " What?" " You said "got off."" " Pour the wine." "( Sighs ) It's a big day for boo, huh?" "And all of them." "This is such a wonderful experience-- just to dance and be seen." "It doesn't matter what happens." "It only matters that they're here." "I'll drink to that." "Boo, what happened?" "I got cut." "Oh, honey, I'm sorry." " It's okay." " No, it's not." " Rayray, get the box." " Roger!" " Really?" "The box?" " What box?" " Get over here." " What are you doing?" "Shh." "You're going back in." "She can't just go back in." "Yeah, Fanny." "I was cut." "You were not cut." "No one cuts one of my girls that fast." " Rayray:" "Got it!" " Hurry." "Where is it?" "Where is it?" "Where is it?" "Ah, here it is." "Now don't fight me." " Ow!" " Ah, sorry." "Is this really happening?" "This was made for a much smaller head." "It was for swan Hilda in my 1996 "Coppelia."" "Girl had a head the size of a peanut." "Now you're Trina from Simi Valley if anyone asks." "So get in there, and show them what what Trina's got." "Trina, Simi Valley-- Got it!" " But how do you figure?" " More, please." " But she" " More, please." "Holy hell, what's with us?" "That was crazy, what you just did with boo there." "I'm just saying." "It's not crazy." "It's the point of being in a competition." " To compete." " But they had just seen her." " They did not see her." " They saw her." " And they cut her." " They did not see her." " Boo?" " Well?" " Trina got cut." " Oh honey, I'm sorry." " But you gave it a good" " Rayray, give me your legwarmers." " Rayray:" "Coming!" " Michelle:" "You've got to be kidding me." "Get that thing off your head." "This is astonishing!" "Ooh pretty dirty." "If anyone asks, say you live on a farm." "Legwarmers." " Put 'em on." " It's like being backstage at "the Carol Burnett show."" "Quick." "Get it into a bun." " Me?" " Yes." "Hurry!" "Uh, well maybe something other than a bun." " Like what?" " Let's do a ponytail." "Joffrey doesn't like ponytails." "How did I get pulled into this?" " Just do a bun!" " But a ponytail will make her really stand out." "I went to an audition once." "Everyone was in a bun, but I was in a ponytail." "And people were like, "who's the girl in the ponytail?"" " Got me the job!" " Let's do a ponytail!" "Fine." "Do it." " Your name is Selma." " What's my last name?" " Alabama?" " Just tell them Selma." "Run run!" "Crazy times five." "You don't know how auditions work." "Yes, I do." "You dance for Gary Janetti, he looks up, says "no," you're done." " Who?" " Never mind." "You really don't get it, do you?" " I guess not." " Boo is not being seen." " Come again?" " Well, look at all the girls that she's gone in with-- stick insects with tiny legs and tiny butts." "And when boo comes in, beautiful as she is, all they see is how she doesn't look like the other girls, so they cut her." "But eventually, if she keeps going in-- and I don't care how many times it takes-- she will get into a group with someone who has bigger legs and a bigger butt, and then she will be seen." "You're mad." "But making sense." "Maybe I'm mad?" " Guess what?" " What?" " Selma got cut." " ( Sighs ) Darn." " Find the plastic nose." " No Fanny, it's fine." "They thought I was dynamic and had great form." "Well, they thought Trina had great form, and Selma was dynamic." "They only one they didn't like was me." "Yay?" "They also said that I should definitely try again next year, 'cause the underdog slot was already used up." "Aww." "You done good, kiddo." "Thanks." "I fouetted in a wig." "Boo, can I get my legwarmers back?" "Now she has been seen." "( Dancers chattering )" "Sasha?" "How'd it go?" "Okay, I guess." "I bet you were great." "So, you wanna come over for some failure cake?" "Yeah." "But I kind of have to stay and fill out some forms." "Oh." "I'll wait." "( Door opens )" "( Door closes )" "Hi, I'm Michelle Simms." "( Piano music playing )" "♪ Me and my baby" "♪ my baby and me" "♪ we're 'bout as happy" "♪ as babies can be" "♪ what if a find that" "♪ I'm caught in a storm?" "♪ I don't care, if baby's there ♪" "♪ then baby's bound to keep me warm ♪" "♪ we're sticking together" "♪ and ain't we got fun?" "♪ So much together" "♪ they count us as one" "♪ tell old man worry" "♪ to go climb a tree" "♪ 'cause I got my baby" "♪ my sweet little baby" "♪ look at my baby" "♪ and me!" " ( Music stops ) - ( Panting )" "Hello?" "Is that all right?" "( Gasps )" "( Acoustic guitar music playing )" "( Woman vocalizing )" "( Crickets chirping )"