"Are you ready, kids?" "KIDS:" "Aye, aye, Captain!" "I can't hear you." "(louder):" "Aye, aye, Captain!" "?" "Oh... ?" "?" "Who lives in a pineappl e under the sea?" "?" "?" "SpongeBob SquarePants!" "?" "?" "Absorbent and yellow and porous is he. ?" "?" "SpongeBob SquarePants!" "?" "?" "If nautical nonsense be something you wish... ?" "?" "SpongeBob SquarePants!" "?" "?" "Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish. ?" "?" "SpongeBob SquarePants!" "?" "?" "Ready?" "SpongeBob SquarePants!" "?" "?" "?" "SpongeBob SquarePants!" "?" "SpongeBob SquarePants!" "?" "?" "?" "SpongeBob SquarePants!" "(laughs heartily)" "(plays airy tune)" "(crowd cheering)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Welcome, sports fans to the 21st Annual Bikini Bottom Fry Cook Games!" "(playing fanfare)" "(trumpets playing triumphant song)" "(crowd cheering)" "I declare these Fry Cook Games open!" "(emergency tone whistling)" "(playing fanfare)" "(panting)" "I declare these Fry Cook Games... open!" "(crowd gasps)" "ANNOUNCER:" "So begin the 21st Fry Cook Games." "I'm a realistic fish head and it's a beautiful day here at Bikini Bottom's Fast Food Coliseum." "They come from everywhere microwaves hum... patties sizzle... and heat lamps keep the fast- food spirit warm and soggy." "But the real story is the bitter rivalry between former competitors Mr. Krabs of The Krusty Krab and Plankton, of the Chumbucket." "Who could forget the year Mr. Krabs won gold for this 500-pickle clean and jerk?" "(grunts)" "Not Plankton." "Or when Plankton won the hearts of millions by performing this perfect onion ring routine with a broken antenna?" "(straining)" "Krabs wasn't moved." "And now, late word is that this year the Krusty Krab will be represented by a new competitor, on what is perhaps the greatest day of his young life." "This is perhaps the greatest day of my young life, Mr. Krabs." "(panting)" "I can't believe I'm representing the Krusty Krab in the Fry Cook Games!" "To bring home the gold is to bring honor and glory to the Krusty Krab." "And all that free publicity will bring in customers!" "So don't lose!" "Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs!" "(straining):" "Krusty-Krab." "Krusty-Krab." "Krusty-Krab." "Krusty-Krab..." "Hey, SpongeBob." "Hi, Patrick." "Krusty-Krab." "Krusty-Krab." "Krusty-Krab." "(grunting)" "Are you trying to move the ground?" "You'll never move it like that." "You got to get under... neath it!" "Come on, Patrick" "I'm trying to train for the Games." "Games?" "Can I play?" "Ah, sorry, Patrick, you have to be a fry cook." "Be a fry cook?" "Is that all I gotta do?" "That'll be easy!" "What do you mean, "easy"?" "How hard can it be?" "They don't let just anybody be a fry cook." "We're an elite corps." "Oh, come on-- you're just flipping patties." "Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds." "(hissing)" "Why don't you go home, Patrick?" "You can compete in the Laying- Under-A-Rock-All-Day Games!" "(gasping):" "At least I don't polish my fingernails!" "(gasping):" "You take that back!" "Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails!" "You don't even have fingernails." "I cannot believe what I am hearing!" "How can you hear it?" "!" "You don't have ears, either!" "You..." "Holes, holes!" "Cone-head!" "Yellow!" "Pink!" "Oh!" "I'm going to get a job as a fry cook and it'll be easy!" "Fine!" "(grunting)" "Krusty-Krab!" "Krusty-Krab!" "Krusty-Krab... (sniffing)" "What's that smell in the air?" "I smell Plankton!" "Oh, yeah?" "Well, I smell... (sniffing loudly)" "Pew, he's right." "(show music begins)" "(toots horn off-key)" "I love messing things up." "Are you ready to do or die, Krabs?" "Always ready, Plankton, always ready." "Good, because today, the Chumbucket is going to kick... your carapace!" "That's what you think." "But I got me a champion" "SpongeBob!" "Show him." "(making karate screams)" "(giggles)" "Look at him... in his prime." "You ain't got no chance!" "That's where you're wrong, Krabs for I, too, have a champion." "Ladies and gentlemen, turn your attention to the southwest corridor." "Other way." "(softly):" "Imbeciles." "And... stop!" "Perfect!" "Representing the Chumbucket a creature so fearsome, so terrible so mind-bendingly large that those of you with weak constitutions may want to leave the stadium." "I gotta get out of here!" "PLANKTON:" "Too late!" "Ready or not, here he comes." "Quake with fear, you mortal fools." "Bow down before the awesome might of... (crashing) this huge guy who's carrying the real contestant..." "Patrick Star!" "Patrick, what are you doing here?" "You're not a fry cook." "Oh, yes, I am, Mr. SpongeBob- Superior Pants." "Check it out!" "I been working for the Chumbucket for almost five minutes!" "Well, it doesn't matter anyway 'cause you're going to eat my dust." "Uh-uh, I'm eating my own dust." "Not if I eat it first!" "Yellow!" "Pink!" "I can't believe it, Mr. Krabs." "I thought Patrick was my friend." "Friend?" "Not in here he ain't." "What do you mean?" "He's not really your friend." "He's not?" "He's plotting your downfall right now!" "He is?" "He's going to stab you in the back!" "He wouldn't!" "Of course he would." "Just look at him." "Square... the shape of evil!" "KRABS:" "It's a mockery of your profession." "Are we going to let some pretender take away what belongs to the Krusty Krab?" "!" "No!" "Then get mean!" "I'm mean!" "Get angry!" "I'm angry!" "Now get out there..." "And win..." "That..." "Medal!" "(bellowing)" "(growling)" "(both growling)" "(growls weakly)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Our first event:" "the deep-fry pole vault!" "Win this one for the Krusty Krab!" "For the Krusty Krab!" "(crowd saying "Oh")" "(crowd saying "Yay")" "Win this one because I told you to." "Because you told me to!" "(grunting)" "(cheering)" "Fish sticks!" "Get your fish sticks here!" "ANNOUNCER:" "The next event:" "the chocolate high-dive." "Make way for the real fry cook, Patrick." "ANNOUNCER:" "For his dive, SpongeBob will be attempting a full banana fudge-pop with two sticks." "And now, absolute silence." "I scream... for ice cream!" "ANNOUNCER:" "Perfect entry!" "And toasted almonds-- that's unexpected." "He stuck it!" "And just look at that even coating!" "Top that..." "Pinky." "Almonds?" "Curse him, that's good... but perhaps a bit too highbrow for this crowd." "He thinks he's better than them!" "(grunts)" "Better than you!" "(grunts more forcefully)" "Now get up there and show him how the common man prepares his frozen dairy treats!" "(bellowing)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Patrick will be resurrecting an old favorite:" "the single-scoop strawberry cone with a chocolate dip." "Just look at that concentration!" "Oh, a little shaky on that entry-- but just look at that form!" "Take that, Yellow Boy!" "Laugh while you can, Pinky." "It's not over yet." "That's what you think but it's not over yet!" "It's not over yet!" "With the score tied we go to our final event:" "Bun Wrestling." "Who will take home the gold?" "Mr. Krabs of the Krusty Krab?" "Don't forget, he called you yellow." "ANNOUNCER:" "Or Plankton, of the Chumbucket?" "Don't forget, he called you pink!" "(growling)" "(grunting)" "(screaming)" "(bell dings)" "(growling)" "(grunting)" "(growling)" "(screaming)" "(screaming)" "(screaming)" "(screaming)" "(screaming)" "(screaming)" "(screaming)" "(yelling)" "Forget the Chumbucket-- this is personal." "(screaming)" "(yelling)" "No!" "My name's not "Rick"!" "(shouting and grunting)" "I don't like you." "I don't like you more!" "I never liked you!" "I a thousand times never liked you!" "Pink!" "Yellow!" "(straining)" "(ripping)" "(crowd gasping)" "SPONGEBOB:" "(gasps) Yellow!" "PATRICK:" "Pink?" "(together):" "You do care." "(sobbing)" "Let's promise never to fight again, buddy." "Yeah, pal, let's go home." "(both whistling)" "(crowd booing)" "Hey, where you going?" "Get back here and kill each other!" "You're my best friend ever." "You, too, Patrick." "You know, these were white when I bought them." "(inhales deeply)" "Ah..." "What a wonderful day." "The sun is out, the water is shimmering," "(chirping) scallops are chirping." "So peaceful." "Can we lower the volume, please!" "I can't work with all that racket going on." "Oh, sure thing, Squidward." "(mutters):" "Right, hmm." "Okay." "(taps lightly)" "And now for some soothing sounds from Squidward's clarinet." "Thank you, thank you." "(inhales loudly)" "(playing simple melody offkey)" "(banging noisily)" "I thought I...!" "Huh?" "Hey, Squidward, want to blow some bubbles?" "Only 25 cents." "Oh, right, like I would spend a moment of my time blowing bubbles." "Uh-huh." "Oh, please!" "I mean, who in the world would pay to blow bubbles?" "Good morning." "(gasps, then shouts)" "Oh, boy." "Good morning to you, sir." "Would you care to blow a bubble?" "Oh, how much is it?" "Only a quarter." "Sounds reasonable." "(quietly):" "Uh..." "I'm going to need to borrow a quarter." "Sure thing, Patrick." "Ah!" "One quarter." "Thank you." "(mutters)" "Business is booming." "(laughs)" "How did I ever get surrounded by such loser neighbors?" "(plays squeaky jazz melody)" "." "One bubble wand, dipped and ready to go" "Ooh!" "(inhales loudly)" "(lips sputtering)" "(sputtering continues)" "(glass shatters)" "(sputtering continues)" "(coughs and wheezes)" "(sputters)" "(Patrick pants and sputters)" "(panting)" "Could I interest you in some lessons?" "Only 25 cents." "Uh... very well, then." "Hey, Sponge, can I borrow another quarter?" "Thanks." "Okay, Patrick, it's all in the technique." "First go like this." "Spin around-- stop!" "Double-take three times-- one, two, three." "Then... pelvic thrust!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Stop on your right foot." "Don't forget it!" "Now it's time to bring it around town." "Bring it around town." "Then you do this then this and this, then that and this and that and this and then... (puffs gently)" "(air puffs again, then again)" "(popping "quacks")" "Ooh!" "Ah!" "(guffaws)" "Ah!" "(guffaws)" "Oh!" "(foghorn blows)" "Huh?" "And now... with two hands." "(Patrick guffaws)" "It's a giraffe." "(Patrick guffaws uncontrollably)" "(guffawing continues)" "(elephant trumpets)" "(grunts)" "(tentacles squirming)" "Excuse me, sir, but we are close..." "Don't give me any of that." "How could you two possibly make all this noise just blowing bubbles?" "We're not just blowing bubbles;" "we're making bubble art." "Watch carefully." "First go like this." "Spin around-- stop!" "Double-take three times-- one, two, three." "Then... pelvic thrust!" "Whoo!" "oo!" "Wh" "Stop on your right foot." "Don't forget it!" "Now it's time to bring it around town." "Bring it around town." "Then you do this, then this and this, then that and this and that and this and then... (puffs gently)" "That's not art." "That's just annoying." "Blowing bubbles." "That's the lamest idea I have ever heard." "SQUIDWARD:" "You should be ashamed of yourself." "(chuckles):" "Bubbles." "(chuckles, mutters)" "Art." "Bubbles." "(mutters):" "Ridiculous." "(sniffs)" "(inhales deeply)" "That'll be 25 cents, sir." "Aah!" "Whoa!" "What?" "Oh!" "Who would pay 25 cents to blow bubbles?" "!" "We also offer lessons for beginners." "Beginners?" "What could be more simple than blowing a stupid bubble?" "Here's your 25 cents." "Watch and learn." "(blows)" "Uh... wait, wait, wait." "(blows)" "One more time." "Here, wait, wait." "(inhales deeply)" "(sputters)" "(makes raspberry sound)" "(yelps) Whoa!" "(both whistle)" "Aah, just a mere warm-up." "(sputters)" ") (raspberry" "Hey, Squidward, remember the technique." "Technique-- you do this and this." "Step back." "PATRICK:" "Technique, Squidward." "Spin around like this." "Over here." "One, two, yeah, three..." "The pelvic whoo!" "(sputters)" "Don't for..." "don't forget the "whoo"!" "PATRICK:" "Listen to Sponge." "SPONGEBOB:" "Technique!" "Technique!" "Technique!" "Technique!" "Technique!" "Technique!" "Technique!" "Technique!" "Tech..." "You're... not doing the... technique." "Technique?" "!" "Technique?" "!" "Technique, technique, technique, technique, technique!" "First I do this." "Spin around, stop." "Double-take three times." "And here we go, pelvic thrust." "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Oh, stop on your right foot." "Don't forget it!" "Then bring it around town." "And a little of this, a little of that." "(screams):" "A little of this, this, that, that, that, that, that, then... (screaming maniacally)" "Wow!" "Wow!" "All right, Squid!" "That was so good!" "Squid is number one." "I really did it, didn't I?" "Yeah-- you guys didn't blow anything like that." "SPONGEBOB:" "Nope." "le." "Now, that's a bubb" "You said it, Squidward." "See, itisall in the technique." "Yeah, technique." "Technique?" "Huh!" "SpongeBob, you don't think I created that... (kisses noisily) beautiful work of art with your help." "(cackles)" "Come on, it's in my genes." "(chanting):" "Squid's got genes." "Squid's got genes..." "Thank you, thank you, thank you." "(clarinet playing snazzy tune)" "(playing in tune)" "BOTH:" "Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward..." "Squidward, Squidward, Squidward..." "BOTH:" "Squidward, Squidward..." "I rock." "Squidward, Squidward..." "Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward," "Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward," "Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward," "Squid, Squid, Squidward!" "Squid, Squid, Squidward!" "Squid, Squid, Squidward!" "Squid, Squid, Squidward!" "PATRICK:" "Squidward, Squidward," "Squidward, Squidward..." "Squidward... (grunts)" "Squidward!" "BOTH:" "Squidward!" "Squidward!" "Squidward!" "(plays final notes to melody)" "Hello, my friends." "You are looking at a..." "BOTH (shouting):" "Squidward...!" "Genius." "(bubble pops, air sputters, ocean rumbles)" "Wow!" "Wow!" "(clarinet plays squeaky notes)" "NARRATOR:" "Ah, beautiful springtime." "A time of fun and frolic for most... but not for this poor slob." "Oh, what a beautiful day." "And here I am trapped in a prison of high cholesterol." "(bell dings)" "Oh!" "No one ever comes in on Sunday." "(bell dings)" "Oh!" "Why can't Mr. Krabs just let us go home?" "(bell dings)" "Oh...!" "(dings)" "(giggling)" "SpongeBob, stop ringing this bell." "I was just testing it." "I will ring the bell when there's an order." "But... there's no customers!" "There hasn't been one all day and there isn't going to be any!" "Ooh...!" "(bell dings)" "One Krabby Patty coming up!" "No... oof!" "(clattering)" "That sounds like me money dropping." "What's going on out here?" "!" "My babies!" "Get away, barbarian!" "What have you done?" "Nice clean money... soiled!" "I'll take care of you." "Papa clean you up." "Clear the way!" "No, no, no, don't cry, little ones." "What's wrong, Mr. Krabs?" "Me dime!" "Oh..." "No...!" "I got it, boy." "What the...?" "It's stuck!" "You got to help me, SpongeBob!" "You've got to let go of the dime." "I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy." "There's got to be another way!" "Grab me captain's quarters and heave!" "(both grunting)" "(grunting)" "Me arms...!" "Oh, no, not again!" "(grunts)" "(clanging and grunting)" "(groans)" "(clink)" "(groans)" "Wait..." "Squidward..." "I'm putting you in charge of things around here while I'm gone." "You can count on me, sir!" "Take care, hurry back." "Get well soon." "You're in our thoughts." "Takes more muscles to frown than to smile." "Okay, SpongeBob, let's get down to business." "My first official act as new manager is to give you a promotion." "Oh!" "Really?" "You get to run the cash register." "The cash register...?" "Wow!" "Squidward, who's going to work the grill?" "You are-- it's part of the promotion I mentioned earlier." "You'll be wearing two hats now." "You're going to take the orders then you're going to make them!" "Oh..." "This is the best day of my life." "Me, too." "But wait, if I'm running the register and the grill what are you going to do?" "I've got some very important boss-like errands to run." "See you later." "Squidward!" "What?" "You forgot to teach me how to use... thecash register..." "You push the button and put the money inside." "Okay, you're on your own." "I can't believe this is really happening." "Today I start living!" "Well, Squidward, you've really outdone yourself this time." "A beautiful day of relaxing and pampering... with pay." "Hmm... guess I do feel kind of bad for poor little SpongeBob all by his lonesome..." "Oh, oh, it will pass." "He's probably just standing at the register with that stupid grin on his face." "Hey, SpongeBob!" "Hey, Patrick!" "Hey, SpongeBob could you give me change for a quarter?" "No problem!" "Here you go!" "Thanks!" "I forgot to tell him how to make change!" "Oh...!" "Sponge..." "Bob..." "Hmm..." "Phew." "Hi, Squidward." "All done with those errands?" "No, I am not." "I just remembered" "I needed change for this dollar." "Do you want four quarters or ten dimes, or 20 nickels, or 100 pennies or one quarter, three dimes, seven nickels and ten pennies or, if you give me a five-dollar bill, your options are..." "All right!" "Goodbye." "This is great." "My day off, no worries, just relaxation." "I'm the boss, I deserve this." "Ah... (thinking):" "Everything will be fine." "There won't be any customers today anyway." "He'll probably just stand there bored.(chuckles)" "SpongeBob, bored.(chuckles)" "Uh... getting kind of bored." "Ah... (snoring)" "Aah, ooh!" "(puffing)" "(gibbering)" "Oh, what am I doing?" "I am wasting valuable relaxing time, that's what I'm doing!" "I mean, really, what are the odds?" "SpongeBob setting the Krusty Krab on fire?" "(laughs)" "(siren wailing)" "Aah!" "(panting)" "May I help you, sir?" "It's me, you dunce!" "Oh, hi, Squidward!" "How are those errands going?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "I'm very busy." "I'm sure you are." "I don't like your tone." "(higher-pitched):" "I'm sure you are." "(normal voice):" "How's that?" "Just do your jobs!" "Aye-aye, Mr. Tentacles." "(muttering)" "Boy, no wonder Mr. Krabs put him in charge." "Must... re..." "lax!" "(sighs)" "Look at yourself." "You're losing your bluish glow." "Stop worrying so much." "Now, repeat after me." "You will not go back to the Krusty Krab." "I will destroy the Krusty Krab!" "Aah!" "SpongeBob!" "Have you finished...?" "No!" "That's it!" "No matter what sick fantasies run through my mind" "I will not go back to that restaurant!" "(panting)" "Have you finished those errands?" "(panting)" "(panting)" "Have you finished those errands?" "(panting)" "Have you finished those errands?" "(panting)" "Have you finished those errands?" "(panting)" "Have you finished those errands?" "Have you finished those errands?" "Have you finished those errands?" "Have you finished those errands?" "Errands, errands..." "Errands, errands, errands..." "Have you finished those errands?" "Have you finished those errands?" "Have you finished those errands?" "No, I am not finished with those errands and I never will be, so quit checking up on me!" "I know what you're up to." "Forcing me to come back here every time you mess up!" "But I haven't..." "Maybe you haven't messed up yet but you will." "You will..." "And when you do, I'll be there." "I'll be there!" "(laughing wildly)" "Gosh, Squidward sure is a hard worker." "He makes me proud to wear these hats." "There!" "Now I'll have to stay here and enjoy myself!" "(laughs)" "I'm not even going to think about you-know-who at the you-know-what doing I-don't-care." "(laughs)" "Just gonna... relax." "Let Squid's day off... begin." "(SpongeBob laughing)" "What was that?" "(SpongeBob laughing)" "It's SpongeBob." "He's spying on me to see if I'm really doing errands. (laughs)" "But he left his post." "(laughs)" "And I've finally caught him messing up. (laughs)" "Aha!" "I caught you, Sponge..." "Branch." "(scratches like SpongeBob laughing)" "Ha... here's the rubber duck Mr. Krabs wanted me to get." "I got you now!" "Wait till Mr. Krabs finds out you're a... toilet." "You're losing it, Squidward." "Calm down." "If I let this get to me again" "I'll just end up running down to the Krusty Krab bursting through the front door up to that yellow headache, SpongeBob, and he'll say..." "Hi, Squidward." "Are you finished with those errands yet?" "Aha!" "I know you're in here." "(gasps)" "He's headed back to the Krusty Krab!" "I'll beat him there!" "(panting)" "I've got you now, SpongeBob!" "Hey, put some clothes on!" "The truth will be revealed!" "Whoa-ho, right on, Squidward!" "Okay, Mr. Krabs." "Get plenty of rest and if things don't seem right, come back." "Thanks, Doc." "(laughing wildly)" "SpongeBob, you can't..." "(laughing wildly)" "Aha!" "I caught you now!" "You didn't think I knew you were a stick outside my window!" "Ha!" "Or the toilet in my bathroom!" "And then you were in my bathtub, and I... and you... and I... and then you... swam..." "down the drain... and... beat me to the Krusty Krab." "Uh, does that mean you're...?" "Yes, SpongeBob." "I am finished with those errands." "I guess I want to take my place back at the cash register." "I really do." "Then you might want to put these on." "Hmm..." "Hey, Squidward, you know what?" "Look, we forgot to switch the "Closed" sign to "Open."" "It's almost like we could have taken the whole day off!" "(laughing)" "(ticking)" "Wait for it..." "(stops ticking)" "COMPUTERIZED VOICE:" "Another day, another migraine." "(laughs sheepishly)" "Mi..." "COMPUTERIZED VOICE:" "...graine." "(sighs)" "Isn't it great working at the Krusty Krab, Squidward?" "Huh?" "Isn't it?" "Working here?" "Yeah, great." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Yes!" "Hold that thought, Squidward." "I'm due in the parking lot for early morning litter patrol." "May Neptune shine brightly on my harvest." "(laughs)" "Litter." "Looks like someone missed the trash basket, huh, Mr. Candy Wrapper?" "Kids these days." "(gasps)" "I've never seen such an epidemic!" "Well, at least it's all over now." "(gasps)" "Huh?" "Huh?" "(shouting in exasperation)" "(breathing heavily)" "(object whistles through air)" "Where is all this litter coming from?" "(clears throat)" "Not on my watch." "Sir, I will have you know it's against the law to litter." "Ha!" "What are you going to do, call the police?" "Yes." "(cuffs clanking)" "How's it going, lieutenant?" "Well, let's just say I hope our litterbug there saved room for his just desserts." "(laughs)" "Yeah!" "Just desserts." "Whatever." "SpongeBob, don't you know who that is?" "SPONGEBOB:" "Who?" "That's the Tattletale Strangler!" "Who?" "The Tattletale Strangler!" "He's promised to strangle anyone who turns him in!" "(growls angrily)" "He seems kind of angry with us, eh, Squidward?" "Squidward?" "Squidward!" "You're going to do time, Strangler." "Hard time." "Hi, officers." "So he's going to jail, right?" "Who, Strangler?" "SPONGEBOB:" "Yeah, Strangler." "OFFICER:" "Oh, yeah." "He's going to jail for a long time." "Hey, that looks like me!" "(growling)" "(screams)" "Don't worry, SpongeBob, he won't be able to strangle you." "Yeah, we got him chained up real good." "He'll never get away." "Oops, not again." "OFFICER:" "Yup, he got away." "(screams)" "(thudding)" "You nice officers will protect me, right?" "We ain't bodyguards, kid." "Yeah, give us a call if you see him again,tattletale." "(tires screeching)" "(coughs)" "Those officers are right-- I need a bodyguard." "Mr. Krabs!" "There's a maniac after me." "I need a bodyguard!" "(laughs)" "I wasn't five-time golden claws in the navy for nothing." "When he see me moves, he'll be running scared." "So where is this little bully, down at the park?" "The soda shop?" "What does he look like, eh, boy?" "This would be him, Mr. Krabs." "(screams)" "The Tattletale Strangler!" "Go away, SpongeBob." "Take your death cloud with you!" "(no dialogue)" "(jackhammer rattling)" "(jackhammer rattling)" "(screaming)" "Hold me!" "Hold me!" "That's it, I got to get out of town till I can find a bodyguard." "MAN:" "Bodyguard, huh?" "Uh, I might be able to help you out." "You don't understand, mister." "I need protection from the scariest guy in town." "Here's his picture." "(chuckles)" "He doesn't look so tough." "I tattled on him, and now he wants to strangle me with his diabolical hands!" "I hope they're not dirty." "(laughs sinisterly)" "Huh?" "Uh-oh, there's too many witnesses around here." "Listen, kid, I could be your bodyguard." "Here's my card." "Hmm..." "Looks good to me." "You're hired!" "I feel safer already." "What's next?" "Well, the maniac could be anywhere wearing a disguise." "He could be that old man." "Or that baby." "Or that pebble!" "Or that stick." "Or that receipt for the Phony Baloney Mustache Emporium." "Huh?" "Uh, that's mine." "Oh, bodyguard, my body is in your guarding hands." "What do we do first?" "Uh..." "I suggest we go to a nice quiet, secluded location, like behind an old dumpster, or a dark alley." "We could go to my house and turn off all the lights." "Perfect." "That way no one could hear you being strangled" "I mean, uh, uh, protected." "(laughs maniacally)" "Perfect." "Yes, excellent." "(both laughing maniacally)" "(both laughing louder)" "Ah, but first I got to do a few errands." "Uh, okay, but let's make it quick." ""Quick" is my middle name." "Let's see, paper towels." "This one says, "Best paper towel around."" "This one says, "Best paper towel in town."" "Hmm." ""In town."" ""Around."" ""In town."" ""Around."" "What do you think, bodyguard?" "Whatever gets us to your house quicker." "I'll take both!" "Here you go, Mr. SquarePants." "Hmm..." "Is there something wrong?" "I'm not sure if these are my pants." "(groans)" "(sniffs)" "How about this one, bodyguard?" "Too overbearing?" "Can we just go to your house?" "Here we are, SquarePants Manor." "Bodyguard, let me just take this opportunity to say you're the best bodyguard a fellow could hope to have." "All right, enough of the sappy talk." "Open the door so I can strangle you..." "I mean, uh, choke you..." "I mean, uh, crush your windpipe..." "I mean..." ""Protect me"?" "Thanks." "Don't mention it, Strangler... (gasps)" "I mean "bodyguard."" "Now, where did I put my key?" "(growls)" "(growling and sizzling)" "Well, I can't find them." "Do you want to take a look?" "Forget the key!" "Let's climb through this window." "(grunts)" "I can't reach it." "Can you hop up on my shoulders, kid?" "Sure." "With these spiky cleats, anything is possible." "(grunts)" ""Cleats"?" "(screams)" "Get your feet out of my eye sockets!" "I'm trying, but my cleats are stuck in your corneas!" "(screaming)" "Get off!" "Get off!" "(screaming)" "Oh, oh, oh!" "(pops)" "Don't be mad, bodyguard." "Let me just grab the key I keep under the mat and we can get inside." "(growls)" "(explosion)" "There you are, you little rascal." "Now to put it in the lock, which should activate the tumblers, thus opening the door." "Step inside..." "Close the door..." "Well, here we are." "I finally got you all alone!" "(laughing maniacally)" "I know, isn't it great?" "(both laughing)" "Ooh!" "Now you're going to get yours, tattletale!" "Surprise!" "Surprise!" "Surprise!" "Surprise!" "(cheering)" "A surprise party to celebrate my perfect on-time percentage at work?" "Oh, how'd you guys know?" "It's on the invitations you sent us." "Let's boogie!" "(partygoers cheering)" "(beach party music plays)" "SPONGEBOB:" "Bye, everybody, thanks for coming!" "Bye, Mr. Krabs, bye, Plankton, bye, Sandy, bye, Larry, bye, Pearl, bye, Mrs. Puff, bye, Squidward, bye, the rest." "(stampeding)" "(laughs)" "(sighs)" "Alone at last." "Huh?" "What?" "What?" "So we're all alone now?" "Just you, me and the floorboards." "(laughing maniacally)" "(laughing):" "Yeah!" "(both laughing)" "(knocking)" "ALL:" "Happy birthday, SpongeBob!" "How did you guys know today is my birthday?" "We just do what the invitations say." "Let's boogie some more!" "(crowd cheers)" "(beach party music resumes)" "Thanks for coming!" "Whew!" "(laughs)" "Alone again." "Is it true?" "Everybody's gone?" "Uh-huh." "No more parties today?" "You've got everything you need now?" "Nobody's left, we're completely alone?" "Oh, yeah." "In that case... (laughs maniacally)" "Great parties, huh?" "Oh!" "Sorry, tubby, you got to go." "Wait, we can trust Patrick." "He's my best friend." "Well, uh, I can't take any chances." "For all we know, uh, he could be the Strangler." "I'm the Strangler?" "!" "Oh, I should have known!" "I got to turn myself in!" "(panting)" "(crashes)" "So Patrick's the Strangler." "Gee, you think you know a guy." "He's not the Strangler!" "He's not?" "(tearing)" "I am!" "Hey, how'd you do that without shaving cream?" "Oh, it's a fake, you idiot!" "I bought it at the party store!" "Did someone say "party"?" "(screams)" "(crashes)" "I can't take it!" "Wait, bodyguard, I need protection!" "Step on it!" "I'm being chased by a maniac!" "(tires screeching)" "I'm not safe!" "Come back!" "(tires screeching)" "(gasps)" "Finally!" "Away from that guy." "SPONGEBOB:" "Good idea, bodyguard." "He'll never find us up here." "(screams)" "SPONGEBOB:" "Good thinking, bodyguard." "The Strangler could have been on that plane." "(screams)" "Bodyguard!" "Bodyguard!" "Look, kid..." "I'm not your bodyguard!" "(sobbing)" "(sobbing):" "I'm the Strangler." "See?" "(screams)" "The Strangler!" "Good work, SpongeBob." "You put the Strangler behind bars." "At least I'm safe from that yellow idiot." "PATRICK:" "Hey, Mack." "What are you in for?" "Well, Patrick, here it is, the Palace of Pranks, the greatest novelty shop in Bikini Bottom." "All the greatest pranksters shop here." "This is where I got my gag seanut brittle can." "Oh, boy, seanut brittle-- give me!" "Patrick, wait, it's a booby trap, remember?" "Nice try, SquarePants, but it's not going to work this time." "I'm going to have some of your delicious seanut brittle." "(grunts)" "Where's the seanut brittle?" "(laughs)" "That gets funnier every time you say it, Patrick." "Come on, let's go inside." "Seanut brittle." "(bell rings)" "(sniffs)" "Ah!" "Nothing compares to the smell of cheap plastic novelty items." "Pranks, gags and gross-out toys as far as the eye can see." "Isn't it everything I said it would be, Patrick?" "PATRICK:" "Hey, seanut brittle!" "(boing)" "Oh, darn it, not again." "(laughs)" "Good to see you, SpongeBob." "How's my number one customer doing?" "Great, Frank." "This is my friend, Patrick." "He wants to become a prankster, too." "Well, pleasure to meet you, Patrick." "(screams)" "(laughs)" "That's your first lesson, son-- the granddaddy of all pranks, the joy buzzer." "I don't get it." "You don't have to get it." "The prank is for the enjoyment of the prankster." "You see, Patrick, Frank here is the master." "I learned all I know about pranks from him." "Frank, let's see what you've got." "Well, this came in just this morning." "Have some gum." "(explosion, Patrick screams)" "Ha!" "Exploding chewing gum, only $9.95." "I don't get it." "What can we get for one dollar?" "One dollar will get you this fake gag dollar-- fool your friends into thinking you've got a real dollar." "What else have you got?" "A whoopee cushion?" "Nah." "Fake vomit." "No." "Real vomit." "Eww!" "Have anything good?" "Well, there is one prank that I've been saving for a real top-of-the-line prankster-- invisible spray." "Wow, invisible spray!" "But I can see it." "Gee, Patrick, just think of the pranks we could pull with this." "(cash register rings)" "Good choice." "Now, be careful with that stuff, boys." "It stains clothes." "Thanks, Frank." "SPONGEBOB:" "Here it is, Patrick, the ultimate prank-- invisible spray." "What are we going to do with it?" "I know!" "We'll go spray the park bench and then sit on it, and when people walk by, we'll be floating in midair." "They're floating in midair!" "How do they do that?" "That's the ultimate prank!" "Good idea, SpongeBob!" "Well, let's get started." "Okay, I'm ready." "Any particular reason you took your pants off?" "Well, that stuff stains clothes, right?" "That it does, Patrick, that it does." "Good thinking." "Here, hold this a second." "Okay, Patrick, give me the can." "I think since spraying the park bench was my idea," "I should get to spray it." "Patrick, spraying the park bench wasmyidea." "Yeah, but I said it was a good idea." "Give me that thing." "(both grunting)" "Hey, the invisible spray works!" "MAN:" "And on your right if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint." "(tourists laugh)" "(screams)" "Oh, my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes!" "(laughs)" "I got tohandit to you, SpongeBob." "You look kind of funny." "(laughing)" "(screams)" "Righty, where are you?" "(laughing)" "No one messes with Righty!" "We'll see howyoulike it." "Kind of gives you anemptyfeeling, huh?" "(grunts)" "Yeah!" "Iseewhat you mean." "(giggles)" "(grunts)" "No guts, no glory!" "(laughs)" "(puffs weakly)" "PATRICK:" "I think this thing is empty." "SPONGEBOB:" "Oh, no, it can't be!" "How are we going to pull off the ultimate prank?" "Thanks a lot, Patrick." "You used the last of it." "(grunts)" "Hey, I think I found our pants." "(clothes ripping)" "Oops!" "Here, these are yours." "Oh, forget the pants, Patrick." "Let's get home and wash this paint off." "Hey, SpongeBob, do you know what time it is?" "Oh, sure, it's..." "half past invisible." "Gee, it's getting late." "Let's ask this guy." "SPONGEBOB:" "Sir, but do you have the time?" "Sure, it's ten to 3:00." "Thank you." "Don't mention it." "PATRICK:" "Don't mention what?" "Who said that?" "Me." "(screams)" "Ghosts!" "(screams)" "PATRICK:" "Hey, I'm no ghost!" "The nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs." "SPONGEBOB:" "Wait a second, Patrick, my brain just hatched an idea." "Lay it on me." "Okay, we're invisible, right?" "Yeah." "If that guy thought we were ghosts, we could haunt everybody in Bikini Bottom." "Oh, it's the ultimate prank." "BOTH:" "High five!" "(hands slap)" "Let's go scare us some suckers." "(Patrick and SpongeBob giggling)" "Huh?" "That's funny, I thought I heard voices." "Huh?" "I thought I left that glass of peanut juice on the table." "And didn't I toss that old lamp out yesterday?" "And since when did I acquire all these portraits of Patrick?" "(Patrick and SpongeBob imitating ghostly wail)" "BOTH:" "We're ghosts." "(wailing)" "(laughs)" "I knew it was you guys!" "All right, joke's over." "Take off the sheets." "(gasps)" "Itisghosts!" "(screams)" "(SpongeBob laughing)" "Boy, we really scared her!" "(both laugh)" "PATRICK:" "Who's going to be our next victim?" "A better question would be, "Who isn't?"" "Double-dark deep-sea light diet cake!" "(laughing)" "You will soon be mine." "(chomping)" "(burps)" "(screams)" "(squealing):" "Ghosts!" "(humming)" "Huh?" "(Patrick and SpongeBob imitating ghostly wail)" "(screaming):" "Ghosts!" "PATRICK AND SPONGEBOB (in ghostly voice):" "Cowabunga!" "Ghosts!" "(screams)" "(screaming):" "Ghosts!" "Ghosts!" "Ghosts!" "Ghosts!" "Toast." "Ghosts!" "(SpongeBob laughs)" "It's official-- we're the greatest pranksters ever." "The whole town thinks we're ghosts." "PATRICK:" "Yeah." "SPONGEBOB:" "There's only one guy left to scare, and we'll have pranked everybody in Bikini Bottom" "Mr. Krabs." "PATRICK:" "It says he isn't scared of ghosts." "SPONGEBOB:" "We'll see about that!" "Ghosts!" "Hah!" "I ain't afraid of no ghosts!" "Every sailor knows a ghost won't come near a fella as long as he's wearing his spotted neckerchief... and his dried-up sea leprechaun." "And a bit of gold never hurt." "But to be on the safe side," "I'm also wearing me pants in a melvin knot, got me shivering timber brace, and the hairs on the back of me neck are taped down." "And I'm all wrapped up in a suit of anti-ghost armor." "And if none of this stuff works, I've got me secret weapon-- the specter deflector." "So just try and get me, you ghosts!" "Bring it on!" "(Patrick and SpongeBob imitating ghostly wail)" "SPONGEBOB (in ghostly voice):" "Krabs." "Krabs, we've come to haunt you." "Stay back, I'm well-armed!" "(Patrick and SpongeBob imitating ghostly wail)" "(voice quivering):" "I'm warning you." "(knees clicking)" "Ooh!" "SPONGEBOB (quietly):" "Boo." "(screaming)" "I got to get out of here!" "SPONGEBOB:" "You can't escape, Krabs." "We glued the door shut." "KRABS:" "You'll never get me!" "(grunts)" "PATRICK:" "Nice try, Krabs, but we replaced all the glass with rubber." "(laughing)" "(screams)" "SPONGEBOB:" "Too late, Krabs, we've already clogged all the toilets." "(voice shaking):" "Please, spirits, leave me be." "PATRICK (laughing):" "We got him good, SpongeBob." "SPONGEBOB:" "Wait, Patrick, I've got one more idea." "You're going to pay, Krabs." "No, spirits, please!" "(SpongeBob squeals)" "No!" "(SpongeBob shrieks)" "No!" "Don't burn me dollar!" "(both laughing)" "Well, well, well, if it isn't SpongeBob and Patrick." "(in ghostly voice):" "I know not these names of which you speak." "Uh, SpongeBob." "SpongeBob, we're visible again." "(both screaming)" "So you two are the Bikini Bottom ghosts." "We're really sorry, Mr. Krabs." "Please don't chop us up into little pieces and eat them." "Hey, come on, boys, I'm hip." "I pulled my share of pranks when I was your age, had me some laughs." "That's what we did tonight, right?" "We had a good laugh." "Come on, laugh with me." "(laughing)" "(all laughing)" "Uh, any particular reason you boys are naked?" "Yeah, the invisible paint stains clothes." "(chuckles)" "Of course it does." "Well, you two better hurry home before someone sees you nude." "Yeah, I think I'd die of embarrassment if that happened." "Me, too." "No, wouldn't want that, would we?" "It's getting late now." "You pranksters better get going." "Mr. Krabs, thanks for being such a good sport." "KRABS:" "Don't mention it." "That Mr. Krabs, always looking out for me." "What a guy!" "Yeah." "KRABS:" "The Krusty Krab presents... live nude pranksters!" "Starring the Bikini Bottom ghosts." "(cheering)" "(squealing)" "(laughing)" "(cheering and whistling)" "(laughing)" "Patrick!" "Yeah?" "SPONGEBOB:" "We should have bought the whoopee cushion." "(groaning)" "SQUIDWARD:" "Oh, how I have dreamed of this day..." ""Mr. Tentacles, Professor of Art."" "What a marvelous opportunity for the people of Bikini Bottom." "Bring me your huddled masses of bored housewives and I will shape them in my image." "I'll go down in history." "Someday, there will be a wing with my name on it in all the museums of the world!" "Dude, you're teaching art at the rec center." "Calm down." "Uncultured trash urchin." "9:00 a.m." "Time to let the class in." "Well, don't want to keep them waiting any longer." "I'm so excited about this..." "Welcome to art class!" "Oh, isn't this "Cooking"?" "Sorry." "Oh, never mind." "Hi, Squidward." "Are you taking this art class, too?" "SpongeBob?" "In art class!" "Wait!" "This isCooking." "Come back!" "You've got to be kidding." "This is great!" "You and me in school together." "So, where's the teacher?" "You're looking at him." "You are the "Teacher"" "to my "Pupil"?" "This isn't art class." "It's heaven." "Yeah." "Grab a little piece of heaven and let's get on with it." "I'm ready..." "Mr. Tentacles." "So... you want to be an artist, eh, SpongeBob?" "Yes, please." "Well, art is not all fun and games." "It's a lot of hard work." "Okay, first, repeat after me." "I have no talent." "I have no talent." "Mr. Tentacles has all the talent." "Mr. Tentacles has all the talent." "If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacles' talent may rub off on me." "If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art." "Whatever." "Okay, since you're telling me you have no prior training we'll have to start from square one or should I say, circle one?" "(chuckles)" "Am I going too fast for you, SpongeBob?" "How's this, Squidward?" "What the..." "how the..." "A perfect circle?" "Do it again." "Show your process." "Well, first I draw this head." "Then I erased some of the more detailed features." "And one, two, three... a circle thingy." "Give me that." "Forget the circles!" "Oh, nice one, Squidward." "Let me try." "Oh, lookey, Squidward." "It's you and me playing leapfrog." "That's you on the bottom." "Give me that." "There is nothing artistic about leapfrog." "What are you doing now?" "I call it rippy bits." "You take a bunch of old, ripped-up paper and you make a new picture." "See, you're on..." "top... this time." "Do you want to learn art or not?" "I'm sorry" " I'll listen." "All right, SpongeBob, pay close attention." "Look at your marble." "Visualize the sculpture within." "Then... gently..." "How's this, Squidward?" "It's beautiful." "I mean..." "This isn't a sculpture!" "A good sculpture takes... more time." "You can't just sculpt willy-nilly." "You've got to go by the book... follow the rules." "Otherwise you'll never get past amateur hour here." "Besides, you got the nose wrong." "There." "Now it's art." "Oh, it's so obvious." "I would have never thought of that." "I'm sorry, Squidward." "I came here to learn and I arrogantly shunned your lessons." "I'll never be a great artist like you." "I don't deserve your tutoring." "I don't deserve to be in your presence." "I don't even deserve to use your doors." "Hello, there." "SPONGEBOB:" "But I did deserve that." "I deserved that, too." "And I deserve this." "Good day, sir." "Sorry, class is dismissed." "You're too late." "Oh, I beg your pardon but I'd forgotten my manners." "My name is Monty P. Moneybags." "The world-famous art collector?" "The one and only." "Well, what are you doing here?" "I'm on a shopping spree buying art for my new museum." "Your search is over." "I am Bikini Bottom's greatestartiste." "I call this one Squidward in Repose." "I... don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection." "Why not?" "Because it's anartcollection." "(laughs)" "How about this one?" "I call itBold and Brash." "More like..." "Belongs in the Trash." "(laughing)" "Sorry, I must have missed that one." "(sighs)" "Maybe I should be..." "Huh?" "What is that?" "!" "Wait, wait." "That's not..." "Angelic form." "Amazing detail." "Perfect censorship." "This is the work of a true genius." "Hello." "What's this?" "This is the only flaw." "Ah... that's more like it." "I simply must find the artist responsible." "He shall have fame." "Fame." "Fortune." "Fortune." "Anything his heart desires." "Anything?" "It's me." "It's me." "I'm responsible." "I can see it now..." "your name in the world's most prestigious museums." "I am going to make you immortal!" "Now, help me get this in the car." "I could use a little help." "My fame!" "My fortune!" "My hair!" "Well, that's a bit of bad luck right there." "But this shouldn't be a problem for an artist of your magnitude." "You can whip up another one." "Yeah... no problem." "You know, between you and me this isn't my best work." "Why don't you come back tomorrow and I'll have something that will really knock your socks off?" "Between you and me, I'm not wearing socks." "Yeah, no socks." "That's fine, but..." "Okay, see you tomorrow." "Bye." "I've got to find SpongeBob!" "SpongeBob." "SpongeBob!" "SpongeBob!" "SPONGEBOB:" "Go away, Squidward." "I don't deserve your kindness." "Hey, cheer up." "I have decided to give you another chance." "Why, with a great teacher like me anything is possible." "Don't look at me, Squidward." "Don't look at my shame." "These hands weren't meant to create." "They only destroy." "I can't look at them." "Oh, come on, SpongeBob." "You've got yourself a pair of yellow dandies here and with my help we'll turn them into tools of beauty." "Really?" "Really." "Really?" "Really." "Really?" "Really." "Wow." "Really?" "Let's go." "Squidward, look!" "It's oldBold and Brash." "Give me that." "Okay, SpongeBob." "Just do what you did before." "I can't." "Wait, wait." "Let me help." "Let's start with the circle again." "I did it, Squidward." "Huh?" "But what about the head and the erasing, and the..." "I don't know..." "that stuff's not in the book." "Uh..." "How about this, huh?" "Remember?" "That's not in the book either." "Forget about the book!" "Look at all this mess, SpongeBob." "What do all these little bits of paper make you want to do?" "Wait, I know this." "Oh, wait, I think I got it." "There you go." "Yes!" "Ta-dah!" "Okay, SpongeBob." "Let's just move on to the marble." "First, an artist must concentrate and visualize his concept." "Now you've got it." "I've got to embrace the marble." "Right." "I've got to sniff the marble." "Well... okay." "I've got to lick the marble." "Uh..." "I've got to wash the marble." "I've got to date the marble." "I've got tobethe marble." "I've got it!" "I have seen the sculpture within." "Here you go, Buddy." "With this tool, I shall give birth to art." "Oh, boy." "One more thing." "There." "Now it's art." "Well, what do you think, Squidward?" "Just take it all in for a moment." "Let it soak in." "(squawking and screeching)" "It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Squidward." "Oh, well, back to the dump." "?" "To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump ?" "?" "To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump. ?" "(squawking and screeching)" "I'm here for the..." "What the...?" "Who's responsible for this?" "!" "As of now, it's hisresponsibility." "Good day to you, sir!" "You, sir, are the greatest artist who ever lived!" "There it is-- Grandma's house." "What wonders await me today?" "Fresh-baked cookies?" "Story time?" "A sweater with love in every stitch?" "Aw, what am I waiting for?" "Grandma, Grandma, Grandma!" "SpongeBob!" "Hi, Grandma!" "Come in and sit for a while." "Have a cookie, SpongeBob." "Grandma, you make the best cookies in the deep blue sea." "Oh, yeah... (munches)" "(gulps)" "Grandma's cookies..." "Now, who wants to lick the spoon?" "Oh!" "Me, me, me!" "...And then we drove all the way home with all the windows down in the freezing cold." "Tell me another story about when I was a baby." "(cuckoo clock chimes 3:00)" "(gasps) 3:00?" "!" "I'm going to be late for work!" "Hop in my car." "I'll drop you off." "Thanks, Grandma!" "SpongeBob..." "you forgot your kissy-kissy!" "I sure did." "(kisses)" "Bye, Grandma!" "Thanks for the ride!" "Thank you, Squidward." "(others chuckling)" "Oh, brother... (whistling)" "Isn't this great?" "Everybody's in a good mood today." "I love bursting your bubble, SpongeBob." "They're laughingatyou, not with you." "Did I do something funny?" "Your forehead." "My forehead is funny?" "Hey, grandma's boy!" "Kissy-kissy-kissy!" "(all laughing)" "No!" "You're wrong!" "There..." "there's nothing wrong with getting kisses from your grandma!" "No... especially if you're a big baby who wears diapers!" "(all laugh)" "And, and sucks his thumb and plays with dolls and, um, wears pajamas with feet in them and carries his, um, uh, binky around, and, uh..." "OTHERS:" "All right already!" "Cheer up, SpongeBob." "I know someone who still likes you." "Really?" "You do, Squidward?" "Yeah... your grandma!" "(all laughing)" "(laughter continues)" "(all laughing)" "(grunting)" "(all laughing)" "Stop it...!" "I have been publicly humiliated for the last time!" "(crying)" "PATRICK:" "I'm sorry that happened to you, SpongeBob." "Me, too." "You're the most adult person I know." "Thanks, Patrick." "You know how grandmas are." "They love babies." "You just can't act like a baby around her." "You're right, Patrick." "Have I ever not been right?" "(sizzling)" "(honking)" "(wolf-whistle)" "You're a man now, SpongeBob and it's time you started acting like one." "Yeah!" "Oh... but I'm not sure I know how." "Allow me to demonstrate." "First, puff out your chest." "Now say "tax exemption."" "Tax exemption!" "Now you must acquire a taste for free-form jazz." "(trumpet plays fast jazz riff)" "Okay, SpongeBob, you're ready!" "This is it." "What are you going to tell Grandma?" "I'm a grownup." "No ifs, ands or buts about it." "A man's got to do what a man's got to do." "And then you get behind her and I'll push." "Patrick, we didn't say that." "Oh, yeah, right." "All we need now is the icing on the maturity cake." "I've been growing these babies for years." "BOTH:" "Sideburns..." "Oh, hello, SpongeBob." "What a nice surprise." "Come here, give your granny her kissy-kissy." "Mmm... (kisses)" "Sorry, Grandmother, but the kissing has to stop." "Tell her like it is, SpongeBob." "No more baby stuff." "He is right, Grandmother." "Kisses are for babies, which I am no longer." "I have grown up." "It is nature's way." "Oh... you are absolutely right." "I am?" "I mean, of course I am." "You will definitely not be treated like a baby around here ever again." "I am glad you see it my way, Grandmother." "GRANDMA:" "Well, I'm glad that's settled." "But what am I going to do with all these fresh-baked cookies?" "(chuckles) Sorry, Grandmother." "We adults don't partake in the consumption of sweets." "Right, Pat... rick?" "Keep 'em coming, Granny!" "(slurping)" "So much for no more baby stuff." "And don't forget the cookie-eating hat!" "(laughs)" "(both laughing)" "Hey!" "That's my cookie-eating hat!" "Uh..." "I mean, it was when I was a baby!" "Grr..." "Well, look who's here." "It's my big old adult grandson." "Grandmother, I need to have a mature conversation with Mr. Patrick." "Patrick!" "What are you doing?" "!" "Cookies!" "Warm milk!" "A bib!" "Is that a kissy mark on your forehead?" "We are supposed to be adults!" "Uh-uh-uh." "No roughhousing with a full tummy." "(laughing)" "Who's the baby?" "I'm the baby, I'm the baby, I'm the baby!" "(clears throat)" "Being grownup is boring!" "I love being a baby." "Besides, I don't get jazz." "Oh, poor Patrick." "I almost feel sorry for you." "Trapped in the awkward phase of diaper days." "Never to know the rich rewards of being a grownup." "Here's a fresh batch of cookies." "All right!" "(munching)" "Rewards, huh?" "Well, yeah, there's... (munching)" "Let's see, we, uh... we went over the jazz." "(munching)" "Oh, Grandma, I'm full." "More cookies." "(vacuum cleaner running)" "(whistling)" "It appears to be my lunch hour." "Grownups have to eat, too." "I guess this will have to do." "GRANDMA:" "Oh, you don't want this baby food." "How about a big piece of steamed coral?" "Oh, yeah, uh... great." "(crunching)" "Nutritious!" "GRANDMA:" "Story time!" "Oh, boy!" "Story time, story time, story time!" "Story time?" "You'll enjoy this, Patrick." "It's a wonderful story about a magical sea leprechaun." "Oh, SpongeBob, you wouldn't be interested in thisbabybook." "Here's the technical manual on Routine Active Maintenance." "Oh, uh, great." "Yeah... fascinating." "No pictures, just the way I like it." "(munching)" "(crunch)" "Ohh!" "My wittle finger!" "Hold still, hold still." "(kisses)" "All better?" "PATRICK:" "Sorta..." "This finger hurts a little bit, too." "(Grandma kisses)" "How about I give you a present?" "Oh, boy, I hope it's cookies!" "All right!" "Another hat!" "No, Patrick, it's a sweater." "Huh?" "With love in every stitch." "No..." "Don't I get a present, Grandma?" "Oh, I almost forgot." "Here's some office supplies." "I didn't wrap them." "I knew you wouldn't mind." "(clock chimes 3:00)" "Uh-oh, 3:00." "Time for adults to go to work." "Bye-bye, SpongeBob." "I'll bet you would fancy a nap, huh, Patrick?" "(Patrick yawns)" "GRANDMA:" "You're still here, SpongeBob?" "Uh..." "I don't have to leave yet." "I... can be late for work." "No, no, no." "That wouldn't be the adult thing to do." "All right, uh, I guess I'll be going." "I've, uh, got a lot of adult-type business to take care of, so, uh..." "I'll see you later." "Okay." "Thanks for stopping by, SpongeBob." "Yup, that is it." "Here I go." "Come again if you get the chance." "Out into the cold, grownup world... alone... without a sweater." "Toodle-oo." "I don't know when I'll be back." "I know how busy you are." "So, uh... that's it." "Shh... he's asleep." "So..." "long..." "I don't want to grow up!" "I want cookies!" "And milky!" "I want a sweater with love in the stitches!" "I want to wear didies!" "I want to ride in my wagon!" "I want to cuddle-wuddle with Mr. Stuffykins!" "I want to rocky-rock on my seahorsey!" "And I want kissy-kissy on my boo-boo!" "(crying)" "(crying)" "(continues)" "(wailing)" "(continues)" "(ratcheting like lawn sprinkler)" "Take it easy, SpongeBob!" "SpongeBob..." "SpongeBob!" "(crying and panting)" "You don't have to be a baby to get Old Grandma's love." "(sniffles)" "I don't?" "Of course not." "No matter how grownup you get you will always be my Little Baby Boo." "(kisses)" "And remember, you can kiss your Grandma and still be an adult." "Here you go." "Thanks, Grandma." "(munching and sighing)" "Uh, Grandma, could you not mention this to the guys down at The Krusty Krab?" "No problem." "(squeak)" "(Squidward snickers)" "(all laughing)" "(humming)" "?" "?" "Stitch one, pearl two ?" "?" "Da da de doo ?" "?" "Da day de da ?" "?" "De doh ?" "What's that smell?" "The register?" "Forty-nine, oh... eight?" "!" "That's a penny short!" "(cries)" "." "Oh, no" "Not a penny." "Help!" "Somebody, help us." "It's just a penny, sir." "It doesn't matter." "Doesn't matter?" "It's money that makes the world go round, boy." "It's money that keeps your pants square." "It's money that keeps Squidward in frilly soap." "(sniffing)" "Lilac!" "It's money that paid for all them renovations we did." "Oh, nothing in all the seven seas could matter more." "Not even that..." "Hmm?" "...scrumptious, curvy cutie." "I see her, Mr. Krabs." "A crabby patty with cheese." "The classic." "Not the sandwich, boy." "The curvy cutie holdingthe sandwich." "SPONGEBO B:" "Hey!" "." "That's my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff" "Mrs.Puff?" "Aw, she's married." "s." "Oh, no, Mr. Krab le." "She's sing" "Then what happened to Mr. Puff?" "it." "She doesn't li ke to talk about" "Oh, what I wouldn't give to have a lass like that on me claw." "Hey, I know!" "Why don't I take you over and introduce you?" "No, no, no, I'm-I'm too old, boy." "Too hard-shelled for love." "Besides, I ain't properly dressed." "Aw... come on, Mr. Krabs." "You look great." "(fly buzzing)" "." "You wait here whil e I go break the ice" "SpongeBob, no, wait!" "I'm too nervous!" "Ooh!" "Hi, Mrs. Puff." "(screaming):" "Ahh!" "Hit the brakes, SpongeBob." "Watch the tree!" "(screaming)" "Wait, Mrs. Puff." "g." "We're not drivin" "Oh, I'm sorry, SpongeBob." "I didn't expect to see you here." "I work here, Mrs. Puff." "Want to meet my boss?" "Well, I'm not..." "Don't move." "(groaning):" "Oh!" "... Mrs. Puff, I'd like to introduce you to Mr" "Mrs. Puff, I'd lik e to introduce you s." "to my boss, Mr. Krab" "Uh... hello." "(quivering)" "Psst!" "Mr. Krabs, say hello." "(muttering) s." "No, no, Mr. Krab" "." "Just say hello" "(strangled groan)" "Hmm, perhaps another time would be... (shouting):" "No!" "g." "Wait." "He's trying to te ll you somethin" "Mr. Krabs... (speaking gibberish)" "I don't understand." "(speaking gibberish)" "Oh!" "g I think Mr. Krabs is sayin that he'd like to... hit you with a rake." "Goodness!" "No!" "(speaking gibberish)" "Try to guess your weight." "Well!" "(speaking gibberish) it." "No, wa" "." "He wants to take you.." "(speaking gibberish) on a date!" "Uh!" "Is that true, Mr. Krabs?" "Do you want to takeme on a date?" "Aye." "What do you say?" "What do I say?" "(laughs)" "I say, you have a way with words, Mr. Krabs." "I still got it." "(laughs)" "SPONGEBOB:" "Ready for your date, Mr. Krabs?" "d." "I'm always ready when it comes to dating, la ay?" "SPONGEBOB:" "Breath spr" "Check." "Lucky hanky?" "Check." "?" "Giant rusty anchor" "Uh, anchor." "Anchor?" "I can't find me giant rusty anchor!" "Ahh!" "bs." "Relax, Mr. Kra" "." "Just a little joke" "Good luck with you-know-who." "Who's that?" "Mrs. Puff." "Oh, yeah." "Well, wish me luck, lad." "MRS. PUFF:" "Oh, Mr. Krabs!" "This dinner has been sowonderful!" "The coral was cooked to perfection." "(laughs)" "I don't think I could eat another bite." "Oh, I doubt that, my little shrimp boat." "(giggles)" "You're spoiling me, Mr. Krabs." "I mean foot rubs between courses." "Caricatures." "Imported music." "(playing lounge music)" "Nothing's too good for you, my prickly peach." "Oh, what I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Krabs is..." "Uh, sir, your fancy pantsy limousine is here." "Wonderful!" "Puffily-poo, your chariot awaits!" "Well... (whistles)" "(screaming) Ahh!" "You'll never have to walk again, my little lobster bib." "(sighs):" "Aye." "Your bill, sir." "What?" "!" "One hundred dollars!" "Well, this can't possibly be correct." "Oh, my mistake, sir." "Thank you for pointing that out." "Thisis your bill." "(screaming)" "(crying)" "I don't understand , Mr. Krabs." "t?" "How can you spend $100,000 in one nigh" "Oh, SpongeBob" "I couldn't help but spend every cent I had on her!" "I couldn't control myself!" "What are you going to do?" "I don't know, boy." "I've got another date tomorrow." "I'm caught in the middle of me two great loves-- sweet Mrs. Puff and the rest of me money." "(crying)" "I wish there was some way I could help." "Perhaps there is, boy." "I'm puttingyouin charge of me money." "I don't get it, Mr. Krabs." "You come with me on the date and don't let me spend any money." "Now remember, we keep it cheap by going to the park." "And no matter how much I ask you" ". you don't give me anyof me money ar." "Now give me a doll" "Nope." "Good boy!" "You'll do fine." "Who is i t?" "It's me, my beautiful bell buoy!" "(giggling)" "Just a minut e." "Flowers!" "Flowers, boy!" "Go get flowers!" "But you said..." "SpongeBob, you can't call on a classy lady like Mrs. Puff empty-handed." "s." "We ain't talking about this... or thi" "." "We're talk ing about this" "Almost rea dy." "Hurry, boy, ge t the flowers!" "Mrs. Puff." "You're as beautiful as ever." "(laughs)" "That's funny." "e." "I thought I hear d SpongeBob's voic" "Uh... you did." "He'll be right back." "He's our personal assistant for the day." "Oh." "Excuse me." "I have to call my insurance agent." "My beautiful Puff." "(sighing)" "SPONGEBOB:" "Mrs. Krabs..." "I got the flowers you wanted." "What's that?" "I got the flowers for Mrs. Puff." "We had an agreement, boy." "You ain't supposed to spend any of me money." "But you said..." "MRS. PUFF:" "?" "Here I come!" "?" "For you, Mrs. Puff." "Oh, flowers." "!" "Oh, how thoughtful" "And here's a box of chocolates." "SpongeBob, where 's the chocolates?" "Mr. Krabs, the budget doesn't allow for... (whispering):" "SpongeBob, you can't g o to Mrs. Puff's house" ". without chocolates ry!" "Hurry, hur" "I bought the biggest box they had." "y." "Buy, buy, bu" "Spend, spend, spend." "Is that all you can think about?" "Oh, Eugene !" "Here's those chocolates I bought for you." "What are we doing today, Mrs. Puff?" "Dinner?" "Dancing?" "A trip to the moon?" "Psst!" "Mr. Krabs... we're just going for a walk in the park, remember?" "Actually, a walk in the park sounds perfect." "It's a beautiful day." "I'll just need to get a sun hat and... ." "Mrs. Puff needs a sun hat, SpongeBob" "Oh, I think she..." "The sun is beati ng down on poor Mrs ." "Puff's head." "As your financial advisor, I suggest..." "There's not time for suggestions." "Go buy a hat!" "But..." "Today!" "Don't worry, Mrs. Puff." "I'll shade you." "SpongeBob, hurry!" "One shady hat." "Good job, that." "Oh, well... thank you but you didn't need to buy one." "I have a hat in the closet." "Didn't need to buy one!" "You hear that, boy?" "We didn't need to buy a hat." "Aren't you supposed to be saving me money?" "I'm trying, Mr. Krabs but you keep telling me to buy things for Mrs. Puff." "It's all really confusing." "ry." "SpongeBob, I'm sor lt." "This is my fau" "I'm not thinking clearly." "I'm making a sailor's promise, boy." "From this moment on" "I won't ask you to buyanything for Mrs. Puff." "SpongeBob, Mrs. Puff needs a new fur coat!" "(breathing heavily)" "You're spending all me money!" "Puffy needs a new pair of shoes." "(breathing heavily)" "You're breaking me, boy!" "She needs fine jewelry!" "(panting) e!" "Not that fin b!" "SpongeBo" "SpongeBo b!" "SpongeBob!" "SpongeBob!" "SpongeBob!" "SpongeBob!" "(repeating):" "SpongeBob!" "SpongeBob... (gasping)" "SpongeBob, I'm gla d I caught you." "I want you to buy Mrs. Puff..." "Wait!" "Don'ttell me!" "You want me to run down to the store and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesn't need." "Then you want me to run back here so you can say, "Aye, SpongeBob." "You're spending all me money."" "And then I'll say" ""But Mr. Krabs, I'm only doing what you said!"" "Then you'll say" ""We're not talking about this or this." "We're talking about this!"" "(gasping) nt." "But lad, this time's differe" "Mrs. Puff needsthis." "Are we going to the park soon?" "Please, lad?" "I'm begging you." "I'm a lonely old crustacean ve." "who's found lo" "Don't let me lose her." "(crying)" "Mr. Krabs, don't." "Don't cry, Mr. Krabs." "Come on." "Okay, I'm going to get it, see?" "Cheer up, Mr. Krabs." "Here's that washing machine you wanted." "up?" "Cheer ... How can I cheer up when you're spending all me hard-earned cash?" "!" "See?" "You just did it again!" "Lad, I can't help it ey." "if you're loose wi th other people's mon" "Do you think Mrs. Pu ff will need a dryer t?" "to go along with tha" "Well, Mr. Krabs do you want to know what I think?" "(SpongeBob screaming in gibberish)" "Mr. Krabs." "(speaking gibberish)" "Oh." "Mr. Krabs' wallet." "(muttering)" "y." "I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabular s." "Actually, there's something I'd like to say, too, Mr. Krab" "I'm afraid I just don't fee I comfortable s." "accepting all these gift" "I'd rather go dutch." "d." "If you don't min" "Okay." "You're a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs." "Oh!" "TV ANNOUNCER:" "We now return to tonight'sCreepy-Time Theaterpresentation of "Night of the Robot."" "(screaming)" "Hurry, Gary, the scary robot movie's on." "(meows)" "What do you mean I shouldn't watch this?" "Scary movies don't always freak me out." "(whimpering and shivering)" "What if Mom is a robot?" "What if Uncle Sherm is a robot?" "What if Gary is a robot?" "Gary?" "(snoring)" "Psst, Gary?" "Gare-bear?" "(meows)" "Gary, if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right?" "(meows)" "Oh, I got nothing to worry about." "And now to get a good night's sleep." "(snoring)" "(screaming)" "(SpongeBob screaming)" "(SpongeBob panting)" "(panting)" "Robot!" "Oh, my gosh!" "Huh?" "(chuckles nervously)" "How about a little music to count me money to?" "RADIO ANNOUNCER:" "And now for the number-one song in Bikini Bottom," ""Electric Zoo."" "(techno-pop song playing)" "Hey, that's pretty catchy!" "?" "Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep. ?" "Yeah, that's not bad." "I love this young people's music." "(buzzes)" "I surrender!" "Oh." "SQUIDWARD:" "SpongeBob!" "(screams)" "Squidward, why are you wearing my hat on your nose?" "I'm not;" "I'm waiting for number 17's order!" "Number 17" " Krabby Patty and a medium beverage." "Of course." "Sorry, Squidward, I'm not really feeling myself today." "I keep thinking robots are taking over the world-- probably because I watched this movie where robots take over the world." "I even asked Gary if he was a robot." "Pretty funny, huh?" "(flatly):" "Hilarious." "Just deliver the food." "There you go." "Enjoy your..." "Say, you're not a robot, are you?" "No." "I'm not." "(whispering):" "Well, keep your eyes peeled." "They're everywhere." "Back to work!" "KRABS:" "I feel completely recharged." "That sounds like Mr. Krabs." "Come on, little buddy, play it again, please?" "One more time, for me." "That was strange." "Mr. Krabs was talking to his radio and he said he feels "recharged."" "If I didn't know better, I'd say he was... a robot!" "Nah." "Yes, hello." "I was wondering if you could play that song again." "Hmm, which one, man?" "The one that goes "Bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep."" "No, man, you're thinking of "Bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop."" "KRABS:" "Bee-bee-boo, boo-boo-bop?" "Bee-boo-boo-bop?" "Boo-boo-bee-bop?" "Not "Bee-boo-boo-beep"?" "Bop?" "Beep?" "!" "Boo-boo-bop?" "!" "(screaming)" "(teeth chattering)" "Oh, my gosh!" "Why was Mr. Krabs making all those beeping sounds?" "Could it be that he's a robot?" "Nah." "(gasps)" "(techno-pop song playing)" "Oh, Squidward, it's terrible!" "Mr. Krabs..." "talking to radio... beeping sounds..." "strange dancing... robot!" "That's great, SpongeBob." "Why don't you work on this problem back in the kitchen!" "(chuckling)" "I'm serious, Squidward." "Mr. Krabs is a robot." "And I can prove it, too!" "How did you...?" "Let's see-- in the movie, the robots didn't have a sense of humor;" "they couldn't laugh." "Hey, Mr. Krabs!" "What is it, boy?" "Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it." "Is it true, Squidward?" "Is it hilarious?" "Um... yeah, sure." "Well, let's hear it, lad." "Okay, here it goes." "Uh, how'd it go, Squidward?" "(chuckling nervously)" "It went... um, uh, let's see, uh..." "Why couldn't the 11-year-old get into the pirate movie?" "Why?" "It was rated "Arr!"" "(laughing)" "Arr!" "(laughing)" "Because it's..." "about... pirates." "I'm not paying you to do stand-up, Mr. Squidward." "Now, get back to work." "(gasps)" "Not even a chuckle!" "See, Squidward?" "He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's a robot!" "There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, SpongeBob." "He's obviously heard it before." "The only reason you think Krabs is a robot is because you watched that stupid movie." "Now, why don't you..." "Hey, Mr. Krabs!" "What?" "What is it, boy?" "Squidward's father never hugged him." "Isn't that sad?" "(crying)" "Yes, I suppose that is rather sad." "But Squidward can hug himself during his break." "Now, get back to work." "Just like the robot in the movie-- he couldn't cry either." "SpongeBob, this is getting ridiculous." "I'll have you know my father loved me very much!" "That's the final test, Squidward-- the love test." "Robots can't love." "Now, wait, SpongeBob..." "Hey, Mr. Krabs!" "What is it, SpongeBob?" "I just wanted to tell you that Squidward loves you!" "Get back to work, Mr. Squidward." "(gulping)" "Squidward?" "(techno-pop song playing)" "(music slows, then stops)" "(radio crackling)" "Aw, me radio died." "Mmm... these batteries still have a little juice in them." "I know" " I'll give them to Pearl for Christmas." "(timer dings)" "Me hard-boiled egg is ready!" "I can already taste it." "Come to Papa!" "Gotcha!" "And what good is a hard-boiled egg without a little salt?" "SPONGEBOB:" "Mr. Krabs!" "(screaming)" "Oh, my eyes!" "Aah!" "Mister..." "Will you be quiet?" "What did these robots in the movie look like?" "They had piercing red eyes, metal pincers for hands and they ran on batteries." "Okay, so tell me, does Mr. Krabs look anything like that?" "!" "(screaming)" "(screaming)" "(both screaming)" "(Krabs screaming)" "I'll evacuate the customers, you call the Navy." "Hello, operator, get me the Navy." "(recorded voice):" "Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service." "Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!" "Not the Navy!" "(over loudspeaker):" "Everyone, run for your lives!" "Robots have taken over the world!" "Our world!" "(all screaming)" "What do we do now?" "I don't know." "Hey, a nickel!" "SpongeBob!" "Sorry." "Ah, that's better." "?" "Bee, boo-boo-bee-boop, boo-boo-bop... ?" "We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Krabs, but how?" "Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy and they get the poop on the robot." "They poop on the robot?" "Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information." "I never thought I'd say this, but, SpongeBob, let's get that poop!" "(door opens)" "Oh, hello, boys." "What can I do for you?" "(lock clicks)" "Why did you lock the door?" "Why do you have that rope?" "Who's watching the cash register?" "!" "(all shouting, loud crashing)" "SpongeBob!" "Squidward!" "What's the meaning of this?" "Untie me this instant!" "Shut up." "(loud smack)" "Sweet Davy Jones!" "What the heck is going on?" "I said shut up, you bucket of bolts!" "I can't take it!" "(crying)" "SpongeBob, are you okay?" "(crying ):" "Oh, Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch." "No, that's not Mr. Krabs." "That's Robot Krabs." "Oh, yeah." "And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know." "Right." "SpongeBob, you got to ask him a question first." "Oh, yeah." "What color is my underwear?" "SpongeBob, let me handle this." "Where's Mr. Krabs?" "What are you talking about?" "I'm Mr. Krabs." "We can do this all night if you want." "Where's Mr. Krabs?" "I'm Mr. Krabs." "Where's Mr. Krabs?" "I'm Mr. Krabs." "Where's Mr. Krabs?" "I am Mr. Krabs!" "I am!" "I am!" "I am!" "I am!" "I am!" "I am!" "I am!" "This is one stubborn robot." "What?" "!" "You think I'm a robot?" "!" "We don't think;" "we know." "That's the silliest thing I've ever heard." "I am Mr. Krabs!" "He's not cracking." "We'll never get it out of him this way." "I got an idea." "Keep an eye on him, Squidward." "Don't fall for any of his robo-tricks." "(clanging)" "If Robot Krabs won't tell us where Mr. Krabs is, maybe one of his little robot friends will." "SpongeBob, uh, that's a blender." "Yeah, but I saw Mr. Krabs talking with his radio before." "He called it his "little buddy."" "Oh, really?" "Put it on the table, SpongeBob." "You're going to interrogate my blender?" "You're crazy!" "We're just going to see what your "little buddy" knows." "No, wait!" "What are you going to do to me blender?" "!" "That cost me money!" "Where's Mr. Krabs?" "Not talking, eh?" "No!" "That cost me $24.95!" "I guess it didn't know anything." "Go get the toaster." "No, not me toaster." "That cost me $32.50!" "$62.67!" "Fort..." "Well, actually, that one was a gift." "No!" "This is the last robot, Squidward." "No!" "Not my cash register!" "I raised it myself!" "I got it when it was just a little calculator." "No!" "(crying)" "(crying)" "I thought you said robots can't cry." "I also said they couldn't love." "(crying):" "I loved it like it was me own!" "Ah... at least he's not laughing." "Oh, I remember the laughs we used to share... (crying)" "SpongeBob, how did that movie of yours end?" "The movie?" "Oh, yeah, the ending was great!" "Turns out there weren't any robots after all." "It was just their..." "imagination." "(laughs nervously)" "Hey, it's time to feed Gary." "(runs quickly)" "(chuckles nervously)" "(Krabs growling)" "Squidward!" "NARRATOR:" "Ah... the Bikini Bottom Zoo is having its annual free day." "Free balloons... free drinks... free light bulbs?" "Aha!" "Top 'o the mornin', boys!" "(laughs nervously)" "Whew!" "Next stop.. gift shop." "There it is-- Oyster Stadium." "Not only do they have the largest oyster held in captivity it also does tricks." "(dramatic voice):" "He spits a giant pearl 100 feet in the air like a cannon ball!" "Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation?" "!" "Let's get over there!" "BOTH:" "This is the greatest day of our lives!" "(snoring and gurgling)" "This is the greatest day of our lives?" "Boring." "You're right, Patrick, we came to see... pearls 100 feet in the air!" "Right?" "I'll try my oyster call." "(gibbering and trilling)" "Well, I'm outta here." "Thanks for nothin', SpongeBob." "(snoring and gurgling)" "Come on, come on, wake up already!" "(grunts)" "(gurgling)" "I think it's working!" "(gurgling)" "(grunting anxiously)" "Hey, Patrick, it's waking up!" "Oh boy, did I miss it?" "No, the show's about to begin... (whimpering)" "(wailing loudly)" "What's wrong with Clamu?" "(wailing)" "Easy, girl, it's me, Joe, remember?" "(snarling)" "(screaming)" "Now, this is a show!" "MAN (on p.a.):" "Attention, zoo patrons." "Clamu The Giant Oyster is on an emotional rampage!" "Please scream and run around in circles." "(all scream)" "Thanks for coming." "(snarling and wailing)" "You boys better get out of this area, pronto!" "There's nothing more dangerous than an emotionally disturbed oyster." "You didn't do anything that might have caused this tragedy, did you?" "Uh..." "No way!" "Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant." "Right, SpongeBob?" "Right." "(wailing)" "PATRICK:" "Man, if I ever see the guy who upset Clamu" "I'd have a few choice words for him, like..." ""you"... and... "are"..." "and... "a jerk!"" "Are you sure you didn't see anything suspicious?" "I already said I didn't, Patrick, sheesh!" "Hey, lets investigate this crime and catch the lowlife who's responsible." "Give it a rest, Patrick!" "There's no crime to investigate." "Now go home!" "Stupid Patrick..." "I didn't do anything wrong!" "Aw, what am I getting so worked up about?" "I'm sure that by tomorrow this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory." "(chuckles)" "Our top story tonight:" "giant oyster has its feelings hurt!" "The only clue that could be found was this lone peanut!" "And as you can hear, the oyster continues to emit its horrible cry" "A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world" "A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier it breaks the hearts of our citizens!" "What kind of cruel, careless, evil person would deliberately upset one of Neptune's most gentle creatures?" "(meows)" "Aah!" "No, Gary!" "How would I know anything about the oyster?" "(meows)" "Defensive?" "I'm not being defensive!" "Barnacles!" "What is this, 20 questions or something?" "(Clamu wailing)" "This is getting a little out of hand." "All I did was throw a peanut." "I didn't mean to make the oyster cry!" "I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts!" "Aw, everyone's going to hate me!" "I, I need some advice." "Now, let's see now... who could never hate me no matter what I do?" "Squidward!" "Squidward!" "Oh Squidward!" "SpongeBob!" "Do you have to knock so loudly?" "Sorry, neighbor!" "Oh... that overgrown clam is giving me a headache!" "I can't even take my afternoon beauty nap!" "(laughs nervously)" "Funny thing you should mention that old oyster" "Because I... uh..." "was kind wondering, um..." "Let's say I know this guy who may have something to do with the oyster." "You know the guy who did it?" "!" "(gulps)" "Oh, this is great!" "You and I can go turn him in!" "And then I'll get so much sleep, I'll be gorgeous!" "Um, actually, I..." "I'm just talking hypothetically." "You don't know who did it?" "Well, um, I, uh, no!" "Squidward?" "Gotcha!" "Aah!" "Where were you on the day of today?" "Don't play games with me, mister!" "Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?" "Oh hi, SpongeBob!" "I'm just continuing my investigation of the great Clamu Caper!" "Um... have you found out anything?" "Yes!" "No, wait... um... no." "But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious and so does this rock!" "And I've got a few questions for this little piece of grass!" "Don't worry, SpongeBob, Patrick's on the case!" "The truth will be revealed!" "I'd better go see Sandy, she'll know what to do!" "(Clamu wailing) Ohh, I can't stand it anymore!" "That poor, poor critter!" "What kind of inconsiderate person would upset such a gentle creature?" "Uh, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about..." "Why, when I find out who caused that oyster so much pain" "No more jiggery pokery!" "(grunting)" "Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, SpongeBob?" "(gibbering)" "Hey, SpongeBob, how come you're all twitchy like that?" "Twitchy?" "Twitchy?" "Who's twitchy?" "I'm not twitchy!" "Sorry, Sandy, I have to um, um... go get my hair cut." "SpongeBob doesn't have hair... or does he?" "(panting and whimpering)" "Hey, SpongeBob!" "This is it!" "All of the clues are coming together!" "I followed these footprints right to this exact spot and then, right where you're standing..." "I found this bag of peanuts!" "Ha!" "Oh, I'm so close to solving this crime" "I can almost taste it!" "Mmm..." "Boy, crime-fighting sure makes me hungry and this yellow popsicle hits the spot!" "Okay, uh, good luck with all that, Patrick and, uh..." "I'll see you later!" "(chattering and whimpering)" "MAN:" "Open up!" "This is the police!" "Uh, uh, just a second!" "Are you SpongeBob SquarePants?" "Y-y-yes?" "Put those eyeballs back in your head, son." "We've got a few questions for you." "Were you at the zoo on the day of the oyster incident?" "Um, um, um, yes!" "Did you, or did you not take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment?" "Yes..." "And are you familiar with..." "this peanut?" "Yes!" "Just one more question..." "Is it true that you were at the oyster's lair with a Mr. Patrick Star?" "(crying):" "Yes!" "Yes!" "It's true!" "It's all true!" "The merriment, the peanut... the Patrick!" "That's all we need to know, son!" "Let's book him!" "Wow, you guys are good!" "I'm the last person I would have suspected but I was looking for me all the time!" "It's the perfect crime!" "Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, pinky!" "Oh no!" "Patrick's too sensitive for the big house!" "(siren wailing)" "Wait, stop!" "I'm the one you want!" "I am the criminal!" "(crowd yelling and booing)" "Hey, everybody, let's throw peanuts at him and see how he likes it!" "(crowd yelling)" "I get what I deserve!" "(gulping)" "Ouch!" "(crowd booing)" "Wait!" "Hold your peanuts!" "Patrick Star is innocent!" "I have come here to reveal the truth!" "They say that truth and honesty will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness!" "(humming dramatic theme)" "I'm here to lay my cards on the table to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face of truth!" "I..." "Hey!" "Just get on with it!" "I am the one who threw the peanut." "I know now that what I have done is wrong... and so I say, I am sorry, giant performing oyster!" "I am sorry, Patrick." "I am sorry, citizens of Bikini Bottom" "(Patrick stops humming)" "Hey!" "Let's throw peanuts at both of 'em!" "(crowd yelling)" "Wait!" "Here's the real criminal." "Uh... top of the morning?" "Mr. Krabs!" "(crowd gasps)" "I knew it!" "Mr. Krabs stole a very important item from the oyster!" "Behold... (crowd groans in disgust)" "Wait a minute..." "Behold!" "The oyster's pearl!" "(crowd gasps)" "Here you go, girl." "(sniffing)" "(crowd cheering)" "(crowd gasps)" "(gurgling):" "Mama!" "Mama!" "Mother of pearl!" "The oyster's a mother!" "And that pearl's no pearl." "It's an egg!" "(gurgling):" "Mama!" "Mama!" "(gurgling)" "(both gurgling happily)" "ALL:" "Aw..." "But it's... free day!" "(crowd yelling)"