"[ Man ] COLONEL SANDURZ." "WHAT IS IT, SERGEANT RICCO ?" "YOU TOLD ME TO LET YOU KNOW THE MOMENT PLANET DRUIDIA WAS IN SIGHT." "SO ?" "PLANET DRUIDIA IS IN SIGHT, SIR." "YOU'RE REALLY A SPACEBALL." "YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU ?" "THANKS, SIR." "HAVE YOU NOTIFIED LORD HELMET ?" "YES, SIR." "HE'S ON HIS WAY." "[ Man On P.A. ] MAKE WAY FOR DARK HELMET." "ALL RISE IN THE PRESENCE OF DARK HELMET." "[ Labored Breathing ]" "[ Labored Breathing Continues ]" "[ Gasping ]" "I CAN'T BREATHE IN THIS THING !" "[ Panting ]" "WE'RE APPROACHING PLANET DRUIDIA, SIR." "GOOD." "I'LL CALL SPACEBALL CITY AND NOTIFY PRESIDENT SKROOB IMMEDIATELY." "I ALREADY CALLED HIM, SIR." "HE KNOWS EVERYTHING." "WHAT ?" "YOU WENT OVER MY HELMET ?" "NOT EXACTLY OVER, SIR." "MORE TO THE SIDE." "I'LL ALWAYS CALL YOU FIRST." "IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN." "NEVER, EVER !" "OH, SHIT." "NO, NO !" "NO, NO !" "PLEASE, PLEASE !" "NO, NO !" "NOT THAT !" "YES, THAT." "[ Groaning ]" "SANDURZ !" "SIR !" "I DON'T SEE PLANET DRUIDIA." "WHERE IS IT ?" "WE DON'T HAVE VISUAL CONTACT YET, BUT WE HAVE IT ON THE RADAR SCREEN." "SHALL I PUNCH IT UP FOR YOU ?" "NEVER MIND." "I'LL DO IT MYSELF." "VERY GOOD, SIR." "WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THIS THING ?" "YOU CALL THAT A RADAR SCREEN ?" "NO, SIR, WE CALL IT MR. COFFEE." "[ Beeps ]" "CARE FOR SOME ?" "YES." "I ALWAYS HAVE COFFEE WHEN I WATCH RADAR." "YOU KNOW THAT." "OF COURSE I DO, SIR." " EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT !" " [ All ] OF COURSE WE DO, SIR !" "NOW THAT I HAVE MY COFFEE, I'M READY TO WATCH RADAR." "WHERE IS IT ?" "RIGHT HERE, SIR." "SWITCH TO TELEVIEW." "THERE IT IS, PLANET DRUIDIA." "UNDERNEATH THE AIR SHIELD, 10,000 YEARS OF FRESH AIR." "WE MUST GET THROUGH THAT AIR SHIELD." "WE WILL, SIR." "ONCE WE KIDNAP THE PRINCESS, WE CAN FORCE HER FATHER, KING ROLAND," "TO GIVE US THE COMBINATION TO THE AIR SHIELD..." "THEREBY DESTROYING PLANET DRUIDIA AND SAVING PLANET SPACEBALL." "EVERYBODY GOT THAT ?" "GOOD." " WHEN WILL THE PRINCESS BE MARRIED ?" " WITHIN THE HOUR, SIR." "I HOPE IT'S A LONG CEREMONY..." "'CAUSE IT'S GONNA BE A SHORT HONEYMOON." "[ Both Chuckle ]" "MM !" "MM !" "MM !" "HOT." "TOO HOT." "IF ONLY YOUR MOTHER WERE ALIVE TO SEE THIS DAY." "IS EVERYONE READY ?" "YES, YOUR MAJESTY." "NO." "WHERE'S MY DROID OF HONOR ?" "OH, DEAR, YES !" "WHERE'S DOT ?" "DOT !" "DOT MATRIX !" "OH, THANK GOD !" "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?" "HERE I AM." "I'M SORRY." "I HAD TO MAKE A PIT STOP." "I'M SO EXCITED, I COULDN'T HOLD MY OIL." "ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, IT'S MAGIC TIME." "ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, STARTING ON THE LEFT FOOT." "DADDY, THAT'S YOUR RIGHT FOOT." "IT'S TOO LATE." "KEEP GOING." "#### [ "Wedding March" ]" " DADDY..." "#### [ Stops ]" "MUST I GO THROUGH WITH THIS ?" "I'M SORRY, MY DEAR." "YOU HAVE TO." "#### [ Resumes ]" " BUT, DADDY..." "#### [ Stops ]" "I DON'T LOVE HIM." "I'M SORRY, VESPA." "HE'S THE LAST PRINCE LEFT IN THE GALAXY." " [ Yawns ] - [ Sighs ]" "#### [ Resumes ]" "#### [ Ends ]" "DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE ON THIS MOST JOYOUS OCCASION..." "TO WITNESS PRINCESS VESPA," "DAUGHTER OF KING ROLAND," "GOING RIGHT PAST THE ALTAR," "HEADING DOWN THE RAMP AND OUT THE DOOR." "STOP HER !" "SOMEONE, STOP HER !" "STOP HER !" "HEY, WAIT !" "YOU FORGOT TO GET MARRIED !" "WILL YOU STOP ?" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?" "NO QUESTIONS, DOT." "GET IN." "[ Engine Revving ]" "WHERE IS SHE GOING ?" "WHERE IS SHE GOING ?" "[ Yawning ] COME BA-A-ACK !" "#### [ Rock ]" "## OOH, YEAH ##" "## YOU ##" "## YOU GOT A NASTY REPUTATION ##" "## WHEN A STICKY SITUATION ##" "## IS DOWN TO ME AND YOU ##" "## SO TELL ME, IS IT TRUE ##" "## THEY SAY THERE AIN'T NOBODY THERE ##" "#### [ Continues, Muted ] [ Instrument Panel Pinging ]" "[ Phone Ringing ]" "BARF." "BARF." "BARF !" "HUH?" "## RAISE YOUR HAND ##" "#### [ Volume Lowers ] BARF !" "ALWAYS WHEN I'M EATING." "BARF !" "[ Ringing Continues ]" "WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR, BOSS ?" "WHERE YOU BEEN ?" "GRABBING A SNACK." "YOU WANT SOME ?" "NO." "A LITTLE HAIR OF THE DOG ?" "NO." "ANSWER THAT THING FOR ME." "WOULD YOU WATCH THAT THING ?" "SORRY." "I'LL JUST THROW HER ON AUDIO." "THAT WAY THEY WON'T SEE YOU." "HELLO ?" "HELLO, LONE STARR." "SORRY, WRONG SWITCH." "HEH HEH !" "HELLO, VINNIE." "WHAT DO YOU WANT ?" "NO, NO, NO." "IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT." "IT'S WHATHEWANTS." "[ Sinister Chuckling ]" "[ Lone Starr, Barf ] PIZZA THE HUT !" "[ Belches ]" "WELL, IF IT ISN'T LONE STARR AND HIS SIDEKICK PUKE." " THAT'S "BARF."" " BARF, PUKE, WHATEVER." "WHERE'S MY MONEY ?" "DON'T WORRY, PIZZA." "YOU'LL HAVE IT BY NEXT WEEK." "NO, NO." "I GOTTA HAVE IT BY TOMORROW." "A HUNDRED THOUSAND SPACE BUCKS BY TOMORROW ?" "A HUNDRED THOUSAND ?" "HA HA HA !" "NO WAY !" "YOU FORGOT LATE CHARGES, WHICH BRINGS IT UP TO, UH," "ONE MILLION SPACE BUCKS." "A MILLION ?" "THAT'S UNFAIR." "UNFAIR TO THE PAYER..." "BUT NOT TO THE PAYEE." "[ Chuckles ]" "BUT YOU'RE GONNA PAY IT OR ELSE." "HA HA HA HA HA !" "OR ELSE WHAT ?" "TELL HIM, VINNIE." "OR ELSE PIZZA IS GONNA SEND OUT FOR YOU." "[ Both Laugh ]" "MMM !" "YOU'RE DELICIOUS." "[ Pizza ] CIAO, BOYS. [ Hacking ] [ Whimpering ]" "#### [ Rock:" "Female Vocalist, Indistinct ]" "## LOSIN' YOU ##" "#### [ Continues, Muted ] CAN WE TALK ?" "OKAY, WE ALL KNOW PRINCE VALIUM IS A PILL." "BUT YOU COULD'VE MARRIED HIM FOR YOUR FATHER'S SAKE..." "AND THEN HAVE A HEADACHE FOR THE NEXT 25 YEARS." "WILL YOU TURN THAT THING OFF ?" "WHAT ?" "WHAT IS IT ?" "#### [ Volume Increases ]" "I WAS SAYING, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE ?" "YES, AND I'M GLAD." "GLAD, GLAD, GLAD, GLAD, GLAD." "I WONDER IF SHE'S GLAD." "[ Chortles ]" "DON'T BE RIDICULOUS." "AS PRESIDENT OF PLANET SPACEBALL..." "I CAN ASSURE BOTH YOU AND YOUR VIEWERS..." "THAT THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO AIR SHORTAGE WHATSOEVER." "YES, OF COURSE." "I'VE HEARD THE SAME RUMOR MYSELF." "THANKS FOR CALLING AND NOT REVERSING THE CHARGES." "BYE." "SHITHEAD." "[ Sniffing ]" "PRESIDENT SKROOB." "[ Gasps ] YES !" "THIS IS CENTRAL CONTROL, SPACEBALL COMMANDERETTE ZIRCON SPEAKING, SIR." " WHAT IS IT, COMMANDERETTE ?" " LORD HELMET HAS JUST NOTIFIED US..." "THAT PRINCESS VESPA IS IN SIGHT." "SPACEBALL ONE IS CLOSING IN ON HER." "GOOD, GOOD." "WE HAVE BOTH SHIPS COMING UP ON THE TELEDAR IF YOU WISH TO OBSERVE." "I'LL BE DOWN IMMEDIATELY." "SHALL I HAVE SNOTTY BEAM YOU DOWN, SIR ?" "I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT BEAMING STUFF." "IS IT SAFE ?" "OH, YES, SIR." "SNOTTY BEAMED ME TWICE LAST NIGHT." "IT WAS WONDERFUL." "ALL RIGHT." "I'LL TAKE A SHOT AT IT." "WHAT THE HELL." "IT WORKS ONSTAR TREK." "SNOTTY, BEAM HIM DOWN." "[ Snotty ] YES, SIR." "IMMEDIATELY, SIR." "[ Crew Members Murmuring ]" "[ Snotty ] GREAT BEASTIES !" "WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HIS HEAD ?" " IT'S ON BACKWARDS !" " THIS IS TERRIBLE !" "DO SOMETHING !" "THERE MUST HAVE BEEN A MICRO-CONVERTER MALFUNCTION." "WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME MY ASS WAS SO BIG ?" "[ Stifled Chuckles ]" "WE'LL TRY TO REVERSE THE BEAM." "IT COULD BE THE INTERLOCKING SYSTEM." "LOCK ONE, LOCK TWO, LOCK THREE, LOCH LOMOND." "[ Relieved Gasps ] WHEW !" "ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MR. PRESIDENT ?" "FINE, FINE, NO THANKS TO YOU." "WE'LL BEAM YOU BACK, SIR." "FORGET IT." "NO MORE BEAMING." "THIS TIME I'M GONNA WALK." "[ Zircon ] PRESIDENT SKROOB !" "SALUTE !" "[ All ] HAIL, SKROOB !" "[ Together ] HELLO, PRESIDENT SKROOB." "OH, UH" "HELLO, CHARLENE." "I'M MARLENE !" "HELLO, MARLENE." "I'M CHARLENE !" "CHEW YOUR GUM." "WHERE'S THE PRINCESS ?" "RIGHT THERE, ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SCREEN," "APPROACHINGSPACEBALL ONE AT 1,500 LIGHT LEAGUES PER MINUTE." "[ Skroob ] GOOD, GOOD." "SHE'S ALMOST IN OUR GRASP." "TELL DARK HELMET HE MUST TAKE THE PRINCESS ALIVE." "PRINCESS VESPA'S SPACESHIP WITHIN RANGE, SIR." "GOOD." "FIRE A WARNING SHOT ACROSS HER NOSE." "[ Shots Blast ]" "WHAT'S GOING ON ?" "IT'S EITHER THE FOURTH OF JULY, OR SOMEONE'S TRYING TO KILL US !" "HEY, I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS." "I'M RICH." " WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?" " I'M CALLING MY FATHER." "1-800-DRUIDIA." "CAREFUL, YOU IDIOT !" "I SAID ACROSS HER NOSE, NOT UP IT !" "SORRY, SIR." "DOING MY BEST." " WHO MADE THAT MAN A GUNNER ?" "I DID, SIR." "HE'S MY COUSIN." "WHO IS HE ?" "HE'S AN ASSHOLE, SIR." "I KNOW." "WHAT'S HIS NAME ?" "THAT IS HIS NAME-- ASSHOLE, MAJOR ASSHOLE." "AND HIS COUSIN ?" "AN ASSHOLE TOO." "GUNNER'S MATE FIRST CLASS PHILLIP ASSHOLE." " HOW MANY ASSHOLES WE GOT ON THIS SHIP ANYHOW ?" " [ All ] YO !" "I KNEW IT." "I'M SURROUNDED BY ASSHOLES." "KEEP FIRING, ASSHOLES !" "HURRY, DADDY, HURRY !" "THERE ARE LASER BLASTS ALL AROUND US." "I'M SCARED." "KING ROLAND TO LONE STARR." "KING ROLAND TO LONE STARR." "ARE YOU THERE ?" "LONE STARR, YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME." "PLEASE, SAVE MY DAUGHTER." " SHE'S BEING ATTACKED BY SPACEBALLS." " FORGET IT." "TOO DANGEROUS." "BESIDES, I'M ALREADY NUMERO UNO ON DARK HELMET'S HIT LIST." "LOOK, YOUR HIGHNESS, IT'S NOT THAT WE'RE AFRAID-- FAR FROM IT." "IT'S JUST THAT WE GOT THIS THING ABOUT DEATH-- IT'S NOT US." "PLEASE, YOU MUST !" "YOU'RE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN SAVE HER." "I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING." "DID YOU HEAR ME ?" "ANYTHING !" " ANYTHING ?" " YES, ANYTHING !" "OKAY, WE'LL DO IT FOR..." "A MILLION." " A MILLION ?" " YOU'RE STARTING TO FADE HERE." "WE'RE LOSING PICTURE." "ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL PAY IT." "ONLY FIND HER." "SAVE HER." "ALL RIGHT, KING, YOU JUST MADE A DEAL." "ONE PRINCESS FOR 1,000,000 SPACE BUCKS." "WHAT'S SHE DRIVIN' ?" "A BRAND-NEW, WHITE MERCEDES 2001..." "SEL LIMITED EDITION, MOON ROOF, ALL-LEATHER INTERIOR." "I GOT IT AT A VERY GOOD PRICE." "I PAID CASH." "MY COUSIN HAS A DEALERSHIP." "HE WAS VERY NICE TO ME." "WE GET THE IDEA." "WHERE WAS SHE LAST SEEN ?" " SHE WAS JUST PASSING JUPITER TWO." " WE'LL FIND HER." "PLEASE, BRING HER BACK SAFELY." "AND IF IT'S AT ALL POSSIBLE, TRY TO SAVE THE CAR." "ONE MILLION SPACE BUCKS !" "WE'LL BE ABLE TO PAY OFF PIZZA THE HUT!" "GIMME PAW !" "[ Both Howling ]" "WHAT'S HAPPENING ?" "WHAT'S THAT GLOW ?" "WE'RE NOT MOVING." "OH, WE'RE MOVING, ALL RIGHT-- BACKWARDS." "LOOK, THERE'S OUR PRINCESS." "SHE'S GOT COMPANY." "OH, NO." "SPACEBALLS." "THEY'VE ALREADY GOT HER IN THEIR MAGNETIC BEAM." "OH, WELL, WE'RE TOO LATE." "WHAT A SHAME." "I'LL JUST THROW IT IN REVERSE." "BARF, NO !" "BAD." "WHAT ARE WE DOIN' RISKIN' OUR LIVES FOR A RUNAWAY PRINCESS ?" " I KNOW WE NEED THE MONEY" " WE'RE NOT JUST DOING THIS FOR MONEY." "WE'RE DOIN' IT FOR A SHITLOAD OF MONEY !" "YOU'RE RIGHT." "WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT, AND YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT." "OKAY, WE SAVE HER." "BUT HOW ?" "THEY'RE GONNA SPOT US ON THEIR RADAR." "UH-UH." "UH-UH." "UH-HUH !" "UH-HUH !" "UH-HUH." "NOT IF WE JAM IT." "AHA !" "YOU'RE RIGHT !" "DOWN SCOPE." "DOWN SCOPE." "RADAR ABOUT TO BE JAMMED." "[ Beeping, Whirring ]" "[ Hissing ]" "SHIT !" "BOOP, BOOP, BOOP." "BOOP, BOOP, BOOP." "[ Voice Distorted ] SIR ?" "WHAT IS IT ?" "CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE, SIR ?" "WELL ?" "I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE RADAR, SIR." "YOU DON'T NEED THAT, PRIVATE." "WE'RE RIGHT HERE." "WHAT IS IT ?" "[ Distorted ] I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE RADAR, SIR." "NOW WHAT IS IT ?" "[ Clearly ] I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE RADAR, SIR." " WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT ?" " I'VE LOST THE BLEEPS, THE SWEEPS AND THE CREEPS." "THE WHAT ?" "THE WHAT ?" "YOU KNOW." "THE BLEEPS..." "[ Beeping ]" "THE SWEEPS..." "[ Gurgling ]" "AND THE CREEPS." "[ Electrical Squawking ]" "THAT'S NOT ALL HE'S LOST." "SIR." "THE RADAR, SIR." "IT APPEARS TO BE..." "JAMMED !" "JAMMED." "RASPBERRY." "THERE'S ONLY ONE MAN WHO WOULD DARE GIVE ME THE RASPBERRY" "LONE STARR !" "[ Crashing ]" "[ Thuds ]" "[ Thud ] WHAT WAS THAT ?" "[ Knocking ] NEVER MIND THAT, WHAT WAS THAT ?" " [ Dot Gasps ]" " HI." " WHO ARE YOU ?" " BARF." "NOT IN HERE, MISTER." "THIS IS A MERCEDES." "NO, THAT'S MY NAME" " BARF." "[ Vespa ] BARF ?" " WHAT ARE YOU ?" " I'M A MAWG-- HALF MAN, HALF DOG." " I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND." " WHAT DO YOU WANT ?" "YOUR FATHER HIRED CAPTAIN LONE STARR AND ME TO SAVE YOU." "WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE." "QUICK." "HURRY, DARLING." "FOLLOW THE DOG." " MAWG." "I'M A MAWG." " WAIT." "WHAT ABOUT MY MATCHED LUGGAGE ?" "[ Whimpers ]" "HEY, STOP LOOKIN' AT MY CAN." "SORRY." "CHECKING IN ?" "WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THAT ?" "[ Garbled ] IT'S HER ROYAL HIGHNESS' MATCHED LUGGAGE." "WHAT ?" "HER ROYAL HIGHNESS' MATCHED LUGGAGE." "OH, MATCHED LUGGAGE, HUH ?" "WHAT DOES SHE THINK THIS IS, A PRINCESS CRUISE ?" "AAGH !" "WELL, SHE WOULDN'T GO WITHOUT IT." "OH, YEAH ?" "AAH !" "NOW HEAR THIS." "THE MINUTE WE GET OUT OF HERE, THE FIRST THING WE DO IS..." "DUMP THE MATCHED LUGGAGE." "WHO WAS THAT ?" "NOW YOU HEAR THIS, WHOEVER YOU ARE." "YOU WILL NOT TOUCH THAT LUGGAGE." "AND FURTHERMORE, I WANT THIS PIGSTY CLEANED UP." "I WILL NOT BE RESCUED IN SUCH FILTH." "LISTEN, ON THIS SHIP I DON'T TAKE ORDERS, I GIVE 'EM." "THIS IS MY DREAM BOAT, SWEETHEART." " SWEETHEART ?" " UH-OH." "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY !" "YOU WILL ADDRESS ME IN THE PROPER MANNER AS YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS." "I AM PRINCESS VESPA..." "DAUGHTER OF ROLAND, KING OF THE DRUIDS." "[ Groans ]" "THAT'S ALL WE NEEDED" "A DRUISH PRINCESS." "FUNNY, SHE DOESN'T LOOK DRUISH." "NOW WE WILL SHOW HER WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THIS GALAXY." "[ Cocks Weapon ]" "HOLD IT." "I'LL HANDLE THIS PERSONALLY." "JAWOHL, DARK HELMET." "SO, PRINCESS VESPA," "YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD OUTWIT THE IMPERIOUS FORCES OF PLANET SPACEBALL." "WELL, YOU WERE WRONG." "YOU ARE NOW OUR PRISONER, AND YOU WILL BE HELD HOSTAGE..." "UNTIL SUCH TIME AS ALL OF THE AIR IS TRANSFERRED FROM YOUR PLANET..." "TO OURS." " SHE'S NOT IN THERE." "[ Man On P.A. ] RADAR REPAIRED, SIR." "WE'RE PICKING UP THE OUTLINE OF A..." "WINNEBAGO." "WINNEBAGO ?" "LONE STARR !" "LONE STARR !" "OOF !" "[ Beeping ]" "UH-OH." "HERE COMES THE "BADYEAR" BLIMP." "[ Barf ] WE BETTER GET OUTTA HERE IN A HURRY." " SWITCH TO SECRET HYPER JETS." "SWITCHING TO SECRET HYPER JETS." "BUCKLE UP BACK THERE." "WE'RE GOING ONTO HYPERACTIVE." "WE'RE CLOSING IN ON THEM, SIR." "IN LESS THAN A MINUTE, LONE STARR WILL BE OURS." "GOOD." "PREPARE TO ATTACK." "PREPARE TO ATTACK !" "ON THE COUNT OF THREE." "ONE, TWO" "WAIT !" "WHAT HAPPENED ?" "WHERE ARE THEY ?" "I DON'T KNOW, SIR." "THEY MUST HAVE HYPER JETS ON THAT THING." "WHAT HAVE WE GOT ?" "A CUISINART ?" "NO, SIR !" "FIND THEM !" "CATCH THEM !" "YES, SIR !" "PREPARE SHIP FOR LIGHT SPEED !" "NO, LIGHT SPEED IS TOO SLOW !" "LIGHT SPEED TOO SLOW ?" "WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO..." "LUDICROUS SPEED." "[ All Gasp ]" "LUDICROUS SPEED ?" "WE'VE NEVER GONE THAT FAST BEFORE." "I DON'T KNOW IF THE SHIP CAN TAKE IT." "WHAT'S THE MATTER, COLONEL SANDURZ?" "CHICKEN ?" "[ Shrieking ] PREPARE SHIP" "PREPARE SHIP FOR LUDICROUS SPEED." "FASTEN ALL SEAT BELTS." "SEAL ALL ENTRANCES AND EXITS." "CLOSE ALL SHOPS IN THE MALL." "CANCEL THE THREE-RING CIRCUS." "SECURE ALL ANIMALS IN THE ZOO." "GIMME THAT, YOU PETTY EXCUSE FOR AN OFFICER !" "NOW HEAR THIS !" "LUDICROUS SPEED !" " HADN'T YOU BETTER BUCKLE UP ?" " AH, BUCKLE THIS !" "LUDICROUS SPEED !" "GO !" "[ Screaming ]" "WHAT HAVE I DONE ?" "MY BRAINS ARE GOING INTO MY FEET !" "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ?" "SPACEBALL ONE." "THEY'VE GOT TO PLAID !" "WE'VE PASSED THEM !" "STOP THIS THING !" "WE CAN'T STOP." "IT'S TOO DANGEROUS." "WE'VE GOT TO SLOW DOWN FIRST." "BULLSHIT !" "JUST STOP THIS THING !" "I ORDER YOU !" "STOP !" "[ Grunting ]" "[ Screaming ]" "HERE, LET ME HELP YOU, SIR." "ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, SIR ?" "FINE." "HOW'VE YOU BEEN ?" "FINE, SIR." "GOOD." "IT'S A GOOD THING YOU WERE WEARING THAT HELMET." "YEAH." "WHAT SHALL WE DO NOW, SIR ?" "WELL, ARE WE STOPPED ?" "WE'RE STOPPED, SIR." "GOOD." "WHY DON'T WE TAKE A FIVE-MINUTE BREAK ?" "VERY GOOD, SIR." "SMOKE IF YOU GOT 'EM." "TAKE HER OUT OF HYPERACTIVE." "TAKIN' HER OUT OF HYPERACTIVE." "[ Sighs ] CONGRATS, BOSS, WE DID IT." "THEY MUST'VE OVERSHOT US BY A WEEK AND A HALF." "[ Giggles ]" "OKAY, LET'S SET A COURSE FOR DRUIDIA." "SETTIN' A COURSE FOR DRUI" "[ Alarm Sounding ] WHAT'S THAT ?" " I DON'T KNOW." "WE'RE LOSIN' POWER." "WHY ?" " WE'RE OUT OF GAS." " MUST'VE BURNED IT UP IN HYPERACTIVE." "I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD'VE PUT MORE THAN FIVE BUCKS WORTH IN !" "OKAY, WE'LL HAVE TO SET HER DOWN." "PREPARE FOR AN EMERGENCY LANDING." "QUICK, GIVE ME A READING." "OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN, HALLOWED BE THY NAME." "WILL YOU STOP THAT ?" "KEEP YOUR SEAT BELTS FASTENED BACK THERE." "YOU OKAY, PRINCESS ?" "AA-AAH !" "NO, YOU IDIOT !" "WHERE'D YOU LEARN HOW TO FLY ?" "OKAY,EAGLE FIVECOMING IN." "[ Whimpering ]" "[ Barf ] LEFT !" "GO LEFT !" "RIGHT !" "I MEAN RIGHT !" "LEFT, LEFT !" "[ Screams ]" "WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?" "I'M GOING TO TELL HIM OFF ONCE AND FOR ALL." "WAIT." "WE'LL NEED HIM TO GET US OUT OF HERE." "CALLED ME AN IDIOT ?" "I'M GOIN' BACK THERE AND EXPLAIN A FEW THINGS TO HER." "BESIDES, HE'S GOT A SEXY VOICE." "HE MIGHT BE CUTE." "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE." "IF YOU'VE SEEN ONE PRINCESS, YOU'VE SEEN THEM ALL." "CUTE ?" "I KNOW THESE SPACE BUMS." "THEY'RE ALL ALIKE." " FAT, UGLY..." " BUCKTOOTHED, KNOCK-KNEED..." " BEER-SWILLING PIGS !" " HORSE-FACED SPACE DOGS !" "NORMALLY, I'D" " OHH !" "THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK." "NOW, LISTEN, YOU" "YOU LISTEN." "ON THIS SHIP YOU'RE TO REFER TO ME..." "AS "IDIOT," NOT "YOU CAPTAIN."" "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN." "AND YOU WILL NOT CALL ME "YOU."" "YOU WILL NEVER ADDRESS ME AS "YOU." YOU WILL CALL ME "YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS."" "YOU ARE A ROYAL PAIN IN THE" "HOLD IT." "TIME." "WHAT ?" "WHAT ?" "A SMALL SUGGESTION." "ANY MINUTE NOW THE SPACEBALLS ARE GONNA MAKE A U-TURN..." "HEAD BACK AND MAKE US ALL DEAD." "HE'S RIGHT." "LET'S GO." "WAIT." " MY THINGS." " NOW LISTEN, YOU ROYAL" "MM !" "HIGHNESS, TAKE ONLY WHAT YOU NEED TO SURVIVE." "[ Dot ] PLEASE, SLOW DOWN." "I'M GETTING SAND UP MY GEARS." "GEE, I HOPE SHE DIDN'T FORGET ANYTHING." "ALL RIGHT, WAIT A MINUTE, BARF." "PUT IT DOWN." "OHH !" "WHAT THE HELL'S IN THIS THING ?" "I DON'T KNOW." "WHAT'S THIS ?" "I SAID, "TAKE ONLY WHAT YOU NEED TO SURVIVE."" "THAT'S MY INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH HAIR DRYER, AND I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT !" "OKAY, PRINCESS, THAT'S IT." "THE FAIRY TALE IS OVER." "WELCOME TO REAL LIFE." "YOU WANT THIS HOT-AIR MACHINE ?" "YOU CARRY IT." "YOU PICK THAT UP." "YOUPICK THAT UP." "HOW DARE YOU, YOU INSOLENT PEASANT." "NOBODY TALKS TO ME THAT WAY." "NOBODY." "NOBODY !" "WELL, WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE ?" "WILL YOU LOOK AT HER ?" "[ Barf ] WHOO-HOO-HOO !" "THOSE FLASHING EYES, THOSE FLUSH CHEEKS, THOSE TREMBLING LIPS." "YOU KNOW SOMETHING, PRINCESS ?" "YOU ARE UGLY WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY." "[ Dot ] UH-OH." "THAT'S IT." "YOU AND YOUR DOG ARE-- [ Barf ] PLEASE, PLEASE." "TOTAL HUMANS, DROIDS, IF I MAY ?" "IT'S GOING TO BE VERY DARK SOON." " I SUGGEST WE FIND A PLACE TO CAMP FOR THE NIGHT." " COME, DARLING." "SEE?" "IT'S LIGHTER." "OH, YEAH." "THIS IS THE BEST." "I COULD'VE CARRIED TWO OR THREE OF THESE." "HAVE YOU FOUND THEM YET ?" "NO, LORD HELMET." "THEY'RE STILL NOT ON THE SCANNER." "WELL, KEEP LOOKING FOR THEM." "[ Slurping ]" "PARDON ME, SIR." "I HAVE AN IDEA." "CORPORAL, GET ME THE VIDEOCASSETTE OF SPACEBALLSTHE MOVIE." "YES, SIR." "THE PRODUCERS, TWELVE CHAIRS, BLAZING SADDLES, YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN" "COLONEL SANDURZ, MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU, PLEASE ?" "YES, SIR." "HOW CAN THERE BE A CASSETTE OFSPACEBALLSTHE MOVIE ?" "WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF MAKING IT." "THAT'S TRUE, SIR." "BUT THERE'S BEEN A NEW BREAKTHROUGH IN HOME-VIDEO MARKETING." "THERE HAS ?" "YES." "INSTANT CASSETTES." "THEY'RE OUT IN STORES BEFORE THE MOVIE IS FINISHED." "NAH !" "HERE IT IS, SIR." "SPACEBALLS!" "[ Sandurz ] GOOD WORK, CORPORAL." "PUNCH IT UP." "TOO EARLY." "PREPARE TO FAST-FORWARD !" "PREPARING TO FAST-FORWARD." "FAST-FORWARD." "FAST-FORWARDING, SIR !" "[ High-pitched Audio ]" "[ Ludicrous Speed Roars ]" "NO, GO PAST THIS-- PAST THIS PART." "IN FACT, NEVER PLAY THIS AGAIN." "TRY HERE." "STOP." "WHAT THE HELL AM I LOOKIN' AT ?" "WHEN DOES THIS HAPPEN IN THE MOVIE ?" "NOW." "YOU'RE LOOKING AT NOW, SIR." "EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS NOW IS HAPPENING NOW." "WHAT HAPPENED TO THEN ?" "WE PASSED IT." "WHEN ?" "JUST NOW." "WE'RE AT NOW NOW." "GO BACK TO THEN." "NOW." "WHEN ?" "NOW ?" "NOW !" "WHY ?" "WHEN ?" "I CAN'T." "WE MISSED IT." "JUST NOW." "WHEN WILL THEN BE NOW ?" "SOON." "HOW SOON ?" "[ Corporal ] SIR, WE'VE IDENTIFIED THEIR LOCATION." " WHAT ?" "WHERE ?" "THE MOON OF VEGA." "SET A COURSE." "PREPARE FOR OUR ARRIVAL." "WHEN ?" "1900 HOURS." "BY HIGH NOON TOMORROW THEY WILL BE OUR PRISONERS." "WHO ?" "[ Snoring ]" "NO, THANK YOU." "I'M PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT." "TAKE IT." "IT'S FREEZING." "IF YOU INSIST." "[ Clears Throat ]" " WON'T YOU BE COLD ?" " NAH, COLD NEVER BOTHERS ME." "[ Sighs ] I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND DRUIDIA." "IT'S RIGHT THERE." "WHERE ?" "IT'S THAT BRIGHT, BLUE ONE RIGHT THERE." "SEE ?" "OH, YEAH !" "BUT IT'S SO FAR A-- [ Whispers ] AWAY." "DON'T WORRY, I'LL GET YOU THERE." "WHICH ONE'S YOURS ?" "WHO KNOWS ?" "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE FROM ?" "NOT REALLY." "I WAS FOUND ON THE DOORSTEP OF A MONASTERY." "MONASTERY ?" "WHERE ?" "SOMEWHERE IN THE FORD GALAXY." "DIDN'T THE MONKS TELL YOU WHO YOUR PARENTS WERE ?" "THEY COULDN'T." "THEY TOOK A VOW OF SILENCE." "ALL I GOT WAS THIS." "IT WAS AROUND MY NECK." "WHAT IS IT ?" "I DON'T KNOW." "I'VE TAKEN IT TO EVERY WISE MAN IN THE UNIVERSE." "NOBODY CAN TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS." "IT'S BEAUTIFUL." "YOU KNOW, I" "IT'S BEAUTIFUL." "SO, HOW COME YOU RAN AWAY FROM YOUR WEDDING ?" "WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW, I WASN'T IN LOVE WITH THE GROOM." "WHY WERE YOU GONNA MARRY HIM ?" "BECAUSE I'M A PRINCESS AND I HAVE TO MARRY A PRINCE." "AH !" "AND HE DOESN'T DO IT FOR YA, HUH ?" "NO, HE DOESN'T "DO IT" FOR ME." "I REALLY MUST GO BACK." "I SHOULDN'T HAVE RUN AWAY." "I REALIZE NOW THAT LOVE IS ONE LUXURY..." "A PRINCESS CANNOT AFFORD." "YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT." "I KNOW NOW THAT I MUST LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT LOVE." "I GUESS SO." "BESIDES, LOVE ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT." "NAH, IT NEVER WAS." "I COULD BE PERFECTLY HAPPY THE REST OF MY LIFE WITHOUT..." "LOVE." "SURE YOU COULD." "WITHOUT PHYSICAL CONTACT." "YEAH." "WITHOUT BEING HELD..." "YEAH." "OR KISSED." "[ Alarm Blaring ]" "ABANDON SHIP !" "ABANDON SHIP !" "WOMEN AND MAWGS FIRST !" "AA-AAH !" "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT, MISTER." "HOW FAR DID HE GET ?" "WHAT DID HE TOUCH ?" "NOTHING HAPPENED !" "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT NOISE ?" "THAT WAS MY VIRGIN ALARM." "IT'S PROGRAMMED TO GO OFF BEFORE YOU DO." "YOU GET BACK TO BED, MISS, AND AS FOR YOU, SEX FIEND" "ALL RIGHT." "LET'S ALL JUST GET SOME SLEEP." "WE GOTTA GET MOVIN' BEFORE DAWN." "WHY SO EARLY ?" "BECAUSE WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DESSERT..." "AND WE AREN'T GONNA GET VERY FAR ONCE THAT BLAZING SUN GETS OVERHEAD." "[ Barf ] NICE DISSOLVE." "[ Panting ] WATER." "WATER." "WATER." "[ Panting ]" "[ Creaking ]" "OIL." "OIL." "ROOM SERVICE." "ROOM SERVICE." "CHIEF, I'M DEAD." "I CAN'T-- I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER." "I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER." "COME ON, BARF, OLD BUDDY." "UUH !" "UUH !" "JUST ONE MORE DUNE TO GO." "YOU SAID THAT THREE DUNES AGO." "I GO NO MORE LEFT." "OH, WAITER." "CHECK, PLEASE." "[ Groans ]" "MUST GO ON." "MUST GO ON." "MUST GO ON." "WHO AM I KIDDIN' ?" "[ All ] ## DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK DINK, DINK, DINK ##" "## DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK DINK, DINK, DINK ##" "## DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK-- #### DINK, DINK, DINK !" "[ All Uttering "Dink" ]" "DINK, DINK, DINK." "[ Excitedly ] DINK !" "DINK, DINK, DINK !" "OH, THANKS, LITTLE GUY." "DINK, DINK, DINK." "THANK YOU." "DINK, DINK, DINK." "DID I MISS SOMETHIN' ?" "WHEN DID WE GET TO DISNEYLAND ?" "## DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK DINK, DINK, DINK ##" "## DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK DINK, DINK, DINK ##" "## DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK DINK, DINK ##" "## DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK DINK, DINK, DINK ##" "## DA-DA DINK, DINK, DINK ####" "I DON'T SEE THEM, SANDURZ." "I'VE SENT THE TROOPS ON AHEAD TO VECTOR 78." "GOOD." "LET'S GET MOVING." "DRIVER, PREPARE TO MOVE OUT." "YOU'RE ALWAYS PREPARING !" "JUST GO !" "JUST GO." "YES, SIR." "SIR, SHOULDN'T YOU SIT DOWN ?" "[ "Dinks" Continue ]" "DINK, DINK !" "DINK, DINK !" "[ Barf ] WHAT ARE THEY SAYIN' ?" "IT'S OBVIOUS THEY WANT US TO GO WITH THEM." "[ Vespa ] WHAT IS THIS PLACE ?" "IT LOOKS LIKE THE TEMPLE OF DOOM." "IT SURE AIN'T TEMPLE BETH ISRAEL." "[ Lone Starr ] COME ON." "I THINK WE'D BETTER FOLLOW THEM." "[ Hissing ] UH-OH." "I THINK WE WOKE IT UP." "GOOD-BYE, FOLKS." "LET ME KNOW HOW IT TURNS OUT." "COME BACK HERE, DOT." "WE NEED YOU." "WE GOTTA KEEP GOING." "WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NOW ?" "DON'T ASK." "MAYBE IT WON'T." "WHAT IF IT DOES ?" "I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M ALL FOR LEAVING RIGHT NOW." "WOW !" "[ Man's Voice ] SILENCE !" "WHO DARES ENTER THE SACRED AND AWESOME PRESENCE..." "OF THE EVERLASTING KNOW-IT-ALL YOGURT ?" "[ All ] YOGURT ?" " YOU HEARD OF ME ?" " HEARD OF YOU ?" "WHO HASN'T HEARD OF YOGURT ?" "YOGURT THE WISE." "YOGURT THE ALL-POWERFUL." "YOGURT THE MAGNIFICENT." "PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T MAKE A FUSS." "I'M JUST PLAIN YOGURT." " BUT YOU'RE THE ONE" " YES." "I AM THE KEEPER..." "OF A GREATER MAGIC, A POWER KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE AS THE" " THE FORCE ?" " NO." "THE SCHWARTZ !" "[ All ] THE SCHWARTZ !" "YES." "THE SCHWARTZ." "BUT, YOGURT, WHAT IS THIS PLACE ?" "WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DO HERE ?" "MERCHANDISING." " MERCHANDISING ?" "WHAT'S THAT ?" " MERCHANDISING !" "COME, I'LL SHOW YOU." "OPEN UP THE STORE." "[ "Dinks" Continue ]" "HA HA HA !" "COME !" "WALK THIS WAY." "TAKE A LOOK." "WE PUT THE PICTURE'S NAME ON EVERYTHING !" "MERCHANDISING, MERCHANDISING, WHERE THE REAL MONEY FROM THE MOVIE IS MADE." "SPACEBALLSTHE T SHIRT, SPACEBALLSTHE COLORING BOOK," "SPACEBALLSTHE LUNCH BOX," "SPACEBALLS THE BREAKFAST CEREAL," "SPACEBALLS THE FLAMETHROWER." "[ All ] WHOO-OO !" "THE KIDS LOVE THIS ONE." "LAST BUT NOT LEAST..." "SPACEBALLSTHE DOLL" " ME." "[ Squeaky Voice ] MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU." "ADORABLE." "## HOT TOGETHER ##" "## HOT, SO HOT TOGETHER ##" "## BABY, WE COULD BE HOT ## [ Both ] WHOO !" "#### [ Both Giggle ]" "## OOH, OOH, YEAH ####" "PRESIDENT SKROOB." "WHAT IS IT ?" "I HAVE AN URGENT MESSAGE FROM LORD HELMET." "HE'S LOST THE PRINCESS." " WHERE ?" " SOMEWHERE IN THE SANDS OF VEGA." "TELL THEM TO COMB THE DESERT, DO YOU HEAR ME ?" "COMB THE DESERT !" "YES, SIR." "SIR." "[ Amplified ] WHAT ?" "ARE WE BEING TOO LITERAL ?" "NO, YOU FOOL, WE'RE FOLLOWING ORDERS." "WE WERE TOLD TO COMB THE DESERT, SO WE'RE COMBING IT."