"[ thunder crashes ] [laughsevilly] [ sawing ]" "[ electricity crackles ] it'salive!" "[ thunder crashes ] [laughsevilly] [ smooch!" "]" "[ laughs evilly ] [ dance music plays ] uh... mmm..." "Mm's." "[ crunch!" "]" "Oh [bleep] gross, man." "This isn't even close to an mm." "[chuckles] they're reese's piece-- [ gasps ] what the hell?" "!" "[growls] thisone'sthroatisinjured." "theirraceis so primitive" "And yet so fascinating." "¶ their skin is naked to the" "Breeze ¶ ¶ did their fur fall out from" "Some disease?" "¶ ¶ they're pale and frail and" "Smell like a latrine ¶ ¶ but I feel like I must take" "The risk, for my chosen job is scientist ¶" "¶ so even though my friends might find it too obscene ¶" "¶ I'm gonna [bleep] a human ¶ what?" "¶[ bleep]a human¶ ¶ [bleep] a ¶" "¶ [bleep] a human ¶ cornelius,mypencilbroke." "Be a dear and fetch me another?" "rightaway." "phew!" "¶ this chick's cute, but smells" "Like balls ¶ ¶ I guess she'll do when nature" "Calls ¶ ¶ but astronauts are used to" "Better ta-a-a-ng ¶ ¶ zira needs an astro-pimp ¶" "¶ I'm limp to blimp when I see that chimp ¶" "¶ perhaps our common language will be "gang bang" ¶" "¶ I'm gonna [bleep] a monkey ¶ ¶ [bleep] a monkey ¶" "¶ [bleep] a ¶ ¶ [bleep] a monkey ¶ human,youcantalk!" "hellyes,Ican talk,andI" "Can also hear, like when I hear damn dirty apes vowing to stick" "Their damn dirty ape dorks into us humans." "andI heardyouvow toput your disgusting, hairless, human" "Skin flute into one of us apes." "onmyplanet,wehave aterm" "For this..." "both:" bestsummerever!"" "ifhistheoryiscorrect, any one of those diseases could" "Be used to camouflage him from the zombies." "buthedoesn'tknowwhich diseases are in the vials." "no,notthatone ." "oh,thisis brutal." "Oh, god, he's..." "no." "yep,hejustinjectedhimself with aids." "itworked." "oh,buthe definitelyhas" "Aids now." "oh,geez,he 's-- he 's" "Celebrating." "[ exhales sharply ]" "This is sad." "what'shedoingnow ?" "Is he going back for more?" "oh,I can'twatchthis." "Oh, god, we are making a snuff film." "isn'taidsalivabledisease nowadays?" "that'shiv,notaids." "comeon,no !" "oh,thisis brutal." "what'shedoingnow ?" "d-don't." "No,don't!" "Don't do it!" "This is absurd." "didhejustdrinkhisown" "Piss?" "!" "he'sallhoppeduponaids." "whoo!" "wheredidhe getthat" "Sombrero?" "itwasfirstprizefor" "Putting a fork in world war z!" "[ groans ] [ retching ] oh,boy,it sureisa great" "Day here on sesame street!" "yeah,especiallysincewe're" "The last neighborhood in new york that hasn't been" "Gentrified." "untiltodaybecauseour" "Special guest is hannah horvath from the "marginally popular," "But ignored in the flyover states" hbo series "girls."" "hey!" "Do you know where I could find a" "Cocaine dealer/organic vietnamese taco truck around" "Here?" "[bleep]me." "ooh,you'reso cute." "I really love how you don't play games, grover." "oh,butIplaylots of games -- patty cake and" "Marco polo -- oh,yeah!" "Insult my parents!" "[ moans ] oh, yeah!" "whoa!" "Today we are going to learn" "About the number 3." "I have three apples." "andI knowthreegirlswho were date-raped at the same bar" "On sixth street." "thatissad." "[ chomp!" "] uh..." "You're eating my props." "I'mproudof my body." "Iknow." "Iknow." "[groans] yeah!" "oh,god!" "yeah!" "[laughs] yeah!" "[ tires screech ] [bleep]jerry,man." "That guy is always straight-up killing it." "andnowbackto "indian love boat."" "sivawillmarrymy uncle jarish, for he has paid" "Her dowry." "And, ravi, you will marry the 10-year-old daughter of your neighbor." "butI havealreadyknown ravi's touch!" "youwhore!" "Ihaveshamedmyfamily!" "¶theindianloveboat ¶ [ fog horn blows ]" "¶ was this sketch progressive or" "Racist?" "¶" "¶ the indian love boat ¶" "¶ I wrote it, and frankly I'm" "Not sure ¶" "¶ the indian love boat ¶" "¶ could I show this to an indian friend?" "¶" "¶ the indian love boat ¶ [ elephant trumpets ]" "¶ maybe it's best to just move" "On ¶ in1998,twotwinsmetand reunited their mom and dad in... both:" "A parenttrap!" "nowwefindout how itall" "Began..." "Iwantadivorce!" "thankgod!" "...Withtwolittle" "Complications..." "you'repregnant." "both:" "Aw[bleep] withtwins." "both:" "Areyouthinkingwhat  I'm thinking?" "...Andonlyonesolution." "what?" "You want to split up twin sisters?" "You understand that children are not like monetary possessions." "Idonot,yourhonor!" "neitherdoI!" "okay,I 'llallowit ." "yougobacktoEnglandwith yours." "andyoustayherewith yours." "both:" "Andwe neverlet them" "Know the other exists." "[ clap!" "]" "sometimeshappyendingshave truly horrifying, glossed-over" "Beginnings!" "[laughing]bye forever!" "ideally!" "it'sgoodto be back." "Cool, man." "Where's my food?" "oh,it'soverthere." "Yeah, it's on the filthy ground" "Now, 'cause we hear that you eat food off the filthy ground now." "[bleep] savage." "andweareinmonththree of" "Overtime as the puck is still stuck under player 12's foot." "[ knock on door ] oh,goodie!" "The whore I ordered." "Oh!" "hello,mr." "Franklin!" "Oh, if only there was a way I" "Could see more of her body and less of that face." "Oh, well." "It's not like they make glasses" "With two different types of lenses." "Hmm..." "anditwasonthat nightthat" "Benjamin franklin came up with one of his most famous" "Inventions." "there..." "Shouldbea..." "Postal" "Service!" "oh,yeah!" "[moans] ugh,bruce!" "All we've done since we got to florence is sit at different" "Cafés and wait for alfred to randomly walk in." "listen,selina,Iknowalfred goes to some café along the" "Arno, I just don't know which one, okay?" "!" "can'tyoujusttellhim you're alive in an e-mail?" "This is my fifth espresso today." "I am about to shit myself!" "selina,ifyoucan justbe cool, like, for once, this has" "The potential to be such an epic and awesome moment!" "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god!" "Shut the [bleep] up." "He's here!" "Just look cool!" "[ dramatic music plays ]" "thatwasit ?" "[ farting ]" "Aah!" "I told you!" "God damn it, selina!" "[italianaccent]hey, is that-a bruce wayne?" "He's alive!" "sonofabitch." "ch-ch-ch-cheese!" "Crikey!" "Tastes like someone cranked off on me gums!" "monterey!" "That's my vegan cheese!" "callitcheeseone moretime ." "I dare you, sweetheart." "I [bleep] dare you!" "youwontheday ,but I'llget" "You next time, gadget!" "[ telephone rings ] yes?" "hi,isthisdr." "Claw?" "yes." "yeah,hey,dr ." "Claw." "So, my name is nev." "I'm actually a friend of" "Inspector gadget, and he tells me that you guys have been in" "Some kind of death struggle for about 10 years now?" "[groans] that's right." "andyou'venevermet ." "I'mshy." "so,thisis weird,but Imake  a show for mtv called "catfish,"" "And I'd like to set up a meeting with you and inspector gadget." "Iguess." "Sure." "areyoureadyfor this?" "tomeettheman who 'splotted" "In secret to destroy my life, all because you offered us a" "Chance to be on television?" "It makes perfect sense!" "My brain's been replaced with a boxing glove." "[ door opens ] holdon." "mynameis reginaclaw." "And I've been trying to kill you" "Because I'm in love with you." "go,go,gadgetclosure!" "[ both crying ] my enemy, my friend." "hi,I 'mnev." "A couple years ago, I fell in" "Love online." "She wasn't who I thought she" "Was, so I called her a catfish, the most disgusting fish in the" "Sea on a national stage." "And now I'm helping other people" "Find their catfish, which is a super-complicated thing that" "Takes way too long to explain." "So, let me get this straight." "Some charlie guy has been sending you on missions for the" "Last five years, but you guys have never met him?" "it'sa funmystery." "I'mafraidcharliemightbea" "Catfish." "and..." "What'sthatagain?" "so,theyusedtotransport cod across the atlantic and " "Look, it actually makes a lot less sense if I explain it." "Charlie, can you come out here, please?" "all:" "Charlie?" "!" "you'retheonewho sentuson" "Missions where we had to wear bikinis and sleep with men and" "Then tell you every detail?" "Oh, this makes perfect sense." "so..." "Whichoneof us is the catfish now?" "makeit40 cubitshigh,noah !" "Iwill,god!" "noah,comeon ." "You've been building this ark" "For years, but have you ever met god?" "noonelooksupontheglory  of god." "oh,boy." "I'msorry,noah ." "This isn't an ark." "It's a fishing boat." "And you just caught a catfish." "God?" "sorry,man,Ijust-- [ clears throat ] I just " " I really needed a" "Boat." "you'vechangedmy life," "Catfish." "My name's not catfish." ""catfish" is the name of the show." "oh,really?" "[screeches] [ both grunting ] [screeching]" "¶ba-bawkbawkbawk¶" "¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶" "¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk" "Bawk bawk ¶" "¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶" "¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶" "¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk" "Bawk bawk ¶" "¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶" "¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk ¶" "¶ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk" "Bawk bawk ¶" "Ba-gawk!" "Bawk."