" You gonna do that all night?" " As long as it takes." " They're gonna hang us first thing tomorrow." " It's not tomorrow yet." " You mean you still think the real robbers might come forward?" "That's a one-in-a-million chance, Sister." " Well, that's still one chance." " You ladies can't sleep, or what?" " Capitan." "You got to listen to me." "We didn't steal them cows." "It was Billy Ray and his posse." " That's what you say." " 'Cause it's true." "She's never done a bad thing her whole life." "She... she's never lied or drank or smoked." " What else have you never done?" " I've never been to the rodeo." " What else?" " I've never gone skinny-dippin'." "Think harder." " He wants you to say you've never been with a man." " I won't!" " Good girl." " 'Cause it ain't true." " But I thought you were a virgin." " Are you kidding me?" "I grew up on a ranch with six brothers." "You get in here, and I'll prove it." " I guess I can't deny a prisoner her last wish." " Hmm." " What about me?" "Nuns have last wishes too." " Sorry, Sister." "You gave yourself to Jesus." " True." "But now He never calls." "Lose everything except the boots, Captain, because tonight we accommodate every single one of your perversions." "Mm." "Oh, shit." "That's me." "Sorry." " Maybe it's Jesus calling." " So anyway, like I was telling you before..." " Hello." " Hi, this is Latisha from Dr. Greenspan's office." "Am I catching you at a bad time?" " No, no, no, Latisha." "Uh, tell me." " Your blood tests are done, and the doctor would like a word with you." " Well, put him on." " You need to come into the office so he can tell you in person." " I see." "Now what?" "Holly." "W-what are you doing sneaking up behind my car like that?" " No, it's nothing." "It's... uh, it's nothing." "I am..." "I'm fine." " Come over here." "You sure you're okay?" "I think maybe you have a concussion." " N-n-no, I always take my contacts out before sex, so..." "But, hey, why are you leaving?" " It's just, uh, I..." "I can't talk about it." "I..." " I was just really looking forward to eating your pussy." " That's sweet, but I got to run." " But I've been practicing." "You know, I've gotten way better." " Good to hear." "Careful with the car now." "Holly." " That's as straight as it gets." " I'm pregnant." " It happens." " Nothing else you need to tell me?" " Congratulations." " You sure?" " Plain as day." "And don't drink or smoke." "Take good care of yourself." " That's it?" "You swear?" " You may want to stay in the shade." "It's a scorcher out today." " How can I be pregnant?" " Are you a virgin?" " No." " Then you can be pregnant." " Nick, uh, it's Elektra." "We need to talk." "Uh, will you call me back, please?" "It's... it's really important." "All right." "Bye." " Honey." "Ah, you're breaking up." "I can't..." "Well, I only sound confused because I find it confusing." "That's ridiculous." "If she doesn't want to go, why insist on her going?" "Then who's fighting the losing battle here?" "Uh-huh, right." "Right." "But every daughter has a strained relationship with her mother." "Yes, they do." "Look at us with Mom." "Ugggh." "Okay." "You know what?" "Your funeral." "She's gonna be in therapy about this for years." "Guaranteed." "Different therapist, that's all." "Honey, I know you're saying something really mean to me right now, but I just can't hear you." "You're breaking up." "I can't hear..." "Call... call... just call me back." "Call me back." "Do I always have to have the last word?" "I don't think so." "Do you, on the other hand, always make everything about yourself?" "No doubt about it." "Uh." " I'm stepping into an elevator, so I might lose you." "I..." " Hello?" "Doris?" "Do?" "It's hard to believe your aunt and I came out of the same womb." "You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you, Charlotte?" " Ten years ago, it was a privilege to have one." "Now it's a privilege not to, huh?" "You're kidding." " Hi." " Hi, Travis." " Hi, Mr. McPherson." " You know where to go." "She'll be right with you." " I'll be back in an hour." " Okeydokey." " All right." " I read your story." " You didn't like it." " I did." "You're a very promising writer." "Your vocabulary is very impressive." " But?" " No but." " You didn't find it too..." "dark?" " Wasn't that the whole point?" " I guess." " I mean, you can see why your mom would be worried about it, can't you?" " If she read anything other than self-help books, she might not have been that shocked." " Did she actually use that word?" " She's worried about the witch thing." " Yeah." "So let's talk about that." "You think you're a witch?" " I'm not technically a witch, but my grandmother was, so I think I inherited some of it." " Like what?" " Like..." "I can see ghosts." " Give me an example." " You mind if I smoke?" " Go ahead." " Addy feels really guilty about sending Caterpillar Girl away, because I was at summer camp when she had the house exorcised." " Your mom had the house exorcised?" " She hired this spiritualist to come and "cleanse the vibes" or whatever, and Caterpillar Girl freaked out and left." " And who is this Caterpillar Girl?" " My friend." "She was a ghost." "is a ghost." "Wherever she is." "She died 20 years ago." "This freak accident at Rockerland." "She fell off this roller coaster called the Caterpillar." "Her family sued the park, and they shut it down." "You can look it up." " And she lived in your house?" " My room was her room." " And you're sure she's a ghost and not an imaginary friend?" " Apples and oranges." "I really miss her." " What's the difference between a ghost and an imaginary friend?" " Imaginary friends you just make up." "You tell them what to do." "You can't do that with a ghost." "They show up, leave, get bored, annoy you, make you laugh." " How do they annoy you?" " They move stuff around." "And they pull on your feet when you sleep and put your socks in the fishbowl." " What's that chain you always wear?" " It... it's Spanish." "It's what I use to hypnotize people." "Sometimes I see things, stuff that's not the way it should be." "But if I tell people about it, they freak out." "If I use this, they tell themselves they're under my spell so that they can accept what I say." " Give me an example." " You want me to hypnotize you?" " Let's give it a try." " You're Addy..." "my mom's therapist." " Now I'm your therapist too, right?" " All right." "Look straight into the amulet and try not to think about anything else." "Do you trust me?" " Mm-hmm." "Yep." " Okay." "I want you to get up and walk into your husband's office." "Did you hear me?" "But you won't do it." " Sorry." "This isn't working." " That's what you think." " Why do you want me to go into my husband's office?" " It's not that I want you to." "I just..." "I think you're so caught up in saying what you think people need to hear that you can't see what's right in front of your face." " And what would that be?" " Your husband... and my mom having an affair." " Now, why would you say a thing like that?" " This is a big deal for her." "She's never done anything like this before." " Stop it." " She's following your own advice of acting irresponsible and letting loose for once in her life." " Your mom tells you what we discuss in her sessions?" " I read her diary." "Please don't be mad at me." " Why are you doing this?" " I don't want to be doing anything, but it's the truth." "She drops me off then parks down the block and spends 50 minutes with Mr. McPherson." "You're basically the world's most overqualified babysitter." " I need to use the restroom." "I'll be right back." " I'm so sorry, Maxine." " Hey, honey." " Hey, what's up?" " Nothing." "You?" " Nothing." " I was just on my way to the bathroom and thought I'd stop by and say hi." " Oh, okay." "Well, hi." "We still on for dinner tonight?" " You bet." " Okay." " Jesus fucking Paul and Mary." " It's okay." "Nothing happened." " What are you, fucking high?" "She knows." " She doesn't know." "Nothing happened." " Nothing happened?" " Did you make the reservations, or was I supposed to?" " Oh, I'll take care of it." " You're on the other side of this door, aren't you, Addy?" "Please don't make me ask again." " Honey, let me explain." " Who are you supposed to be?" " Bambi, it's me, Holly." "I mean what are you wearing?" " I was at the gym when you called, but I brought a change of clothing." " Okay, I'll tell him to wait." "There's a bathroom upstairs." " What does this guy do?" " He's a retired movie producer." " Wait, how old?" " Not too old." "Don't worry." "He made a bunch of money selling stocks." " Jeez, how many stocks did he sell?" " Never mind that." "Go wash up, and don't touch anything." " I won't." " He wants to mix it up, so I told him my little sister is a real peach." " Oh, I bet he liked that." " He loved that." "Men and peaches." "So you get him started, then I'll come in and join you." " Okay, I got it." "He wants a sister act." " Bells, whistles." " The whole nine yards." " I told him we've joined each other in bed before but never actually dared to do anything incestuous." " And what did he say?" " He wondered if we'd be open to it." " So he's not a cop?" " How do you mean?" " Mentioning the whole incest thing proves he's not a cop." " Of course he's not a cop." "He's a regular customer of mine." " Okay, sorry." "Go on." "Then what did he say?" " So I said, "Under the right circumstances, with the right guy," wink, wink." " Okay." "Well, if..." " What?" " Well, okay... no, no." " No what?" " What if he wants details?" " Details?" " About us growing up." " Give him details." " Make them up?" " But keep it simple." "He's a regular customer." " Simple." "Got it." " Don't bend over backwards." " Don't bend over backwards?" " With some tale." "Don't bend over backwards with some tale" "I'll have to remember every time." " Got it." "I thought you meant literally." " You're overthinking this." " I know." "Sometimes I do that." "My brain just..." " I know." "That's why I'm telling you." " It only happens when I get nervous." " What are you nervous about?" " I don't know, I'm..." "I'm not." "Nothing." " You're not still beating yourself up over the pussy-eating?" " No." " Good." "'Cause this is me, babe." "Don't sweat it." " I am good to go." "I swear." " You are a sexual volcano." "That's why I called you." " Hmm, I appreciate that, and I won't let you down." "I'm just a little sore." " You shot today?" " Yeah, just one scene but, still, Jimmy Cojones." " Oh, you poor thing." " He's not that bad." " Yeah, if you got all day." " Oh, and he makes those faces." " And the coffee breath." " Oh, there's that." " And then you went to the gym?" " I still got four more pounds to go." " Where?" "You look great." " Thanks." "Well, Lionel's 20 minutes tops." "In and out." "Nobody gets hurt." " Great." "What's his name?" " Lionel." " Is he black?" " No." " It's not a problem if he is." "I just never met a white Lionel before." " He's white-ish." "But don't call him Lionel." "I call him Lionel, but he wants you to call him Patron." " Like the tequila." " It means "boss" in Spanish." " Patron." "Okay." "Anything else I should know?" " He likes it up the butt." " Whose butt?" " Mine." "Whose butt are we talking about?" " I don't know." "I thought maybe his." " How is he gonna stick his dick up his own butt?" " Right." "I just thought maybe..." " You know how they say, "It's not rocket science"?" "That would be rocket science." " He pays you extra for it, I hope." " A lot extra." " Not enough for me." " My, my." "Aren't you the elegant dick licker all of a sudden?" " Some things are off-limits is all." " Not with George Katz it wasn't." " That was a matter of birth control." " You were being responsible." " It always comes back to George." " I was just talking." " You know, a human person can only apologize so much." " Is that a fact?" " You know, if he's so crazy about you, how come he asked me to give him a blow job every time you left the room?" " You could have said no." " I was in an awkward position." "I mean, the way he looked at me, it was just different than other guys." " Different?" " Yeah, like every time he came in the room," "I could feel him mentally undressing me with his eyes." " Holly, we were working in a strip club." " It's hard to explain." " So I gather." " That was what, two, three years ago?" "If you still love him, call him." " He's in prison." " Then why are we still discussing this?" " Look, forget I brought it up." " I mean, do you want to spend every weekend talking through the glass phone thingy?" " What the fuck was that?" " It sounded like glass breaking." "Now it sounds like men's voices." " Shh." " I don't have it." " You don't have it?" "Gee, I never heard that before." "You heard that one before, Rico?" "When you borrow something and refuse to pay back..." " Please don't hurt me!" " Hurt you?" "We're not gonna hurt you, Marco." "We're gonna smash your fucking head in." " Please don't hurt me!" " Ow!" "Ow." " Come on." "We don't have time for this." " Oh, my God." "I didn't even see her." " It's nothing, really." " Is she gonna be all right?" " She's fine." "This happens to her all the time." " Really?" " Yeah, really." "She's blind as a bat." " But she needs a hospital." " Oh, don't be silly." "Maybe you can just drop us down the block." " Down the block?" " Yeah, wherever you're going." "We're easy." " I'm..." "I'm going to a bar." " Great idea." " Maxine, wait." "Let me explain." " Will your wife be wanting anything else?" " She's not my wife, and you know it." " I don't know it." "How would I know that?" " You play innocent remarkably well." "Are you an actress?" " Does it look like I'm an actress?" " Oh, yes, it looks like you're an actress." "I thought maybe you were doing research for a part playing a flight attendant." "Now, I watch mostly old films on tour, and you could be a ridiculously famous movie star and I just wouldn't..." "I wouldn't have the faintest." " I'm flattered, but I'm not." " Well, look, look, look." "Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit." "I want to say something." "Now, let me tell you something." " I would very much like to carry on floating with you after we land." "And I would like for you to come along to my hotel and maybe drop some ecstasy and just be." " Is that right?" " Yeah, I'm just so sick of this army of blank-eyed zombies all around me." "Do you know?" "And I feel that perhaps you are as well, am I right?" "Well, you know what I'm talking about, right?" "I mean, they're out to steal our air, our soul, our music." "And they will stop at nothing." "See, the thing is, they have no substance." "They're made of dust and numbers." "Their hearts are nothing but cheap little calculators that just keep pumping out receipts." "Do you know what I'm saying?" "So what do you say?" " Uh... uh, I..." "I..." "I don't know." "I have to get back to work." " What?" "Are you blushing?" "That's fucking sexy." " And how is Prince Charming doing?" " I'm pretty sure he's on something." " Pretty sure?" "The band left him behind." "The manager's escorting him because they don't trust he'll get to his show on his own." " It says all that in your paperback?" " I looked it up online during takeoff." " I think he's very nice." " Every rattlesnake has its charms." " Am I detecting just a whiff of jealousy here?" "Could it be because rock god Nick Chapel is paying more attention to me than he is to you?" "I'm just looking out for my girl... and her fiancé." " Oh, that is low." "Even for you." " Low?" "Who was sticking her ass in the drummer boy's face pretending the movie screen was stuck?" " And who'd I learn that from?" " Oh, when I do it, it's a masterpiece of subtlety." "No." "This is you." " That's kind of hot, admit it." "But I have a little more junk in my trunk." " Even a little more than you'd like these days..." " Ah." " And that's why you're being all Mother Superior." " Oh, you're such a whore." " Besides... even if something happened, and that's a mighty big if," "Benjamin would never find out." "And even if he did, he might understand." " Right." " Couples give each other free passes for certain celebrities." " And you guys do that?" " No." "But Nick Chapel would be on the list." " So ethically and morally, you're all set." "I mean, it would almost be irresponsible of you not to fuck him." " The guy wrote Welcomed by a Kiss." "How many drummers wrote their band's best song?" " Don Henley, Phil Collins, Gil Moore." " Who the hell is Gil Moore?" " He split songwriting duties with Rik Emmett in Triumph." " Who the hell is Triumph?" " Who the hell is Tri..." "Fight the Good Fight, When the Lights Go Down." "Magic Power" " Uh, pardon me, ladies." "I just need to use the lavatory." " Gosh." " Nice." "What do you think?" " I think if you're asking me what I think, you've already made up your mind." " Does it make me a bad person?" " Who am I to judge?" " You done this before?" " Mm-mm." "Never." " Are you sure?" " I'm sure, are you?" " No, never." " Oh, look, you're blushing again." " Once before." " What, with a passenger?" " Oh, God, no." "Pilot." " While he was flying the plane?" "There was a copilot too." " What, you did both?" " I mean the copilot was flying the plane while I was with the pilot." " All right, look." "Full disclosure here?" " Yeah." " It's my second time." " Yeah?" " Yeah, we're flying commercial here." "I mean, we're not counting private, are we?" " You're the one counting." " Look." "I feel the need to tell you that I've recently been dating a porn star, okay?" "Her name is Elektra Luxx." " Oh, you... you don't need to tell me that." " No?" "You may have seen the sex video that got leaked." " Um..." " Well, it's a delicate matter because some women, they... they get intimidated because they're trying to measure up, you know?" " Yeah." " No, I need for you to know that with you... it's not the sex I'm after." "Not that I was into Elektra for that exclusively either, you understand?" " Mm-hmm." "But with you, you see," "I'm turned on by talent, by people who are the best at what they do." "And I look at you, and I say, "Oh, she's the best."" "And I can tell in the blink of an eye." "But with her, look, Elektra, she's..." "As much as I applaud the fact she can pin both ankles behind her ears while she orgasms, it's just always felt like emotional quicksand, you know?" "But with you..." "I can feel your organic essence, you know, your animal core." "I mean, that's what your name means, right, Cora?" "It's like the core, the center." "The heart of the orchard." " That's right." "ding!" " Sorry, folks, we caught a sliver of that storm" "I mentioned earlier." "It should go back to smooth sailing in just a moment or so." "So if you could kindly return to your seat and fasten your seat belt." " Oh!" " Cora?" "Guys." "Guys." " Oh, my God, Maggie." " What?" " I think he's dead." " He was giving me oral, and then he bumped his head, and it sounded like something broke, and I can't wake him." "Is he not breathing?" " I can't tell." "But I can tell you where all the blood went." " Oh, Maggie, you got to help me." "I am so fucked." " Okay." "I'm gonna go see if there's a doctor on the plane." "Put his clothes back on and pull yourself together." " How am I gonna explain this?" " Listen to me carefully." "He was in the lavatory." "The captain made his announcement." "We knocked on the door." "He didn't respond, so we were forced to open the door." "He collapsed on his own, possibly a drug overdose." " With a raging hard-on?" " Try to see if you can bring it down." " What?" "How?" "Maggie." "Shit." "Oh." "Down, boy." "Down." "Down." "What a waste." " Is anybody out there?" "Can anybody hear us?" "We're trapped in the elevator!" "Anyone!" "Can anyone hear us?" " Someone turned it off." "Maybe the fire department's finally here." " Obviously you haven't been watching the news today." " I don't watch much TV." " Well, you couldn't have missed it in the papers then." " Listen, lady." "Don't take that tone with me." " Don't call me lady." " What's your name?" " None of your business." " What is your problem?" " My problem is that we are on day three of a massive heat wave with forest fires everywhere and I really don't think they're gonna be able to spare anyone to help a couple of idiots who are trapped in an elevator." "And if you had read the paper, you would know that." " Wow, fit all that in the paper, huh?" " Well, you got to read between the lines." "Can anyone hear me?" " Will you stop just for five minutes." "Please." " Well, what do you suggest?" "Just wait here and die of smoke inhalation?" "We have been here for an hour." "There is no smoke and no fire." "We are trapped in the elevator, plain and simple." " You don't know that." "The first five floors of this building could be on fire." "We wouldn't know." " We would be able to smell it." " How do you know that?" "What do you know about fires?" " My dad was a fireman, and he told me the first thing you do when you are trapped in an elevator with a hysterical person is explain to them that they are wasting precious oxygen." " I'm not hysterical." "I'm claustrophobic." " I'm afraid of heights." " And I'm afraid of falling." " I'm pregnant." " Congratulations." " Don't." " Is that why you're here?" " I just found out." " First one?" " Yes." "Maybe." " I think you would know." " Well, if I have it, then, yes, it will be my first one." "How about you?" " Uh..." "I have a niece that I'm really close to." "That was her mom I was talking to on the phone when I came in here." "My sister." "I mean, obviously my sister is my niece's mom, you know." "And I love her." "It's just she's sort of like a really stupid version of me." " Huh." "Close relationship." " Too close." "Is there anybody out there?" " One, two." "One, two, three, four." " Girls' night out?" " Something like that." " Your friend looks about ready to pass out." " Yeah." "She's not really my friend." " What's wrong with her?" " She caught her husband with one of her patients." " She's a doctor?" " Shrink." " Go figure." " Women are like flies:" "they settle on sugar or shit." " You married?" " No." "Lucky that way." " Me neither." "Is business always this slow?" " It picks up in about an hour, but..." " What?" " It might not be your ideal clientele." "What?" "You think I look like a pro?" "No, I think you look like a blast." "You ready for another?" " What the hell." " Some wetback with a broom just offered me 50 bucks for a hand job." " What?" "Ah, that's Manuel." "What is he... his shift doesn't start for another hour." " Well, he sure is cussing up a storm in the john." " He's got Tourette's." "He's harmless." "Honest to God." "I'm sorry about that." " Hey, shit happens." "Can I get a piña colada?" " Sure." " You didn't, did you?" " What?" " Holly." " I didn't." "Okay, next round's on me." " You really are a pig." " I am vulgar, but I have potential for class." " Really deep down." " Like you're the Virgin Mary." "I just made a buck a second." "What's wrong with that?" " Well, for starters, your facts on the Virgin Mary." "She wasn't actually a virgin." " You are sick, you know that?" "Is nothing sacred to you?" " Okay, forget it." "What did he look like?" " Five and change." "Pencil-ish." " The guy's face." " Oh." "I don't know." "Soccer player or serial killer type." "His jeans are tight, like Starsky and Hutch tight." "So it takes me a second to get it out." "And right off the bat, he starts barking off speeds, steering my hand." ""Pronto, pronto, pronto." ""Motherfucking Christ!" ""Suave, muchacha, si, si, si." "Motherfucking maricon."" " How about a beer instead?" " Okay." " Backseat drivers are the fucking worst." " Yeah, they really mess up my game." "Yeah, I think I'm gonna stay, see if I can't turn this night around." " Here?" "It's a dyke bar." " How do you know?" "There's nobody in there." " Trust me." " Well, I'll take my chances." " Look, don't stay here." "You're gonna get cruised, but you're not gonna get paid." "These women get it for free." " And who made you the expert?" "I mean, maybe there's some curious divorcée who wants somebody with the touch, you know?" " And you have the touch?" " Excuse me?" " Haven't you been whining to me all week about your girl-on-girl scene fiasco?" " Okay, I ate some bad Mexican food from catering that wouldn't stay down." "It doesn't mean that I can't eat pussy." "I'm not retarded." " Wait." "You threw up on her?" "You didn't tell me that." " I told you I got sick." " You told me you felt sick." "You're uncomfortable with women, you felt sick, you had to stop, not you were eating her pussy and puked on camera." "That's a big difference." " I turned away from the camera." " You know what, you're lucky I love you so much, because you're so dumb, it's freaky." " I'm dumb?" "Who's going straight back to the lion's den?" "Those men probably killed your stock salesman and are waiting for us." " What would you have me do?" "Have her drive home?" " I don't know." "Call a cab." "Put her on a bus." "I think you want to help her." " Yeah, so?" " So you're contracting yourself all over again." " I'm what?" "Would you listen to yourself once in a while?" "I'm "contradicting" myself." "Is that the term you're looking for?" "How am I doing that?" " Well, you pick on me all night, and then you go play hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold." " Whatever." "You want to stay, stay." "I'll call you." " Don't." "Not if it's gonna be like this." " Okay, Holly." " And what the fuck do you mean the Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin?" "I mean, were you there?" "Did you do her?" " She's known as the Virgin Mary because her mother, Anne, conceived her free of original sin." "It's called the immaculate conception." "Joseph and Mary were probably getting it on the whole time." "The guy was a carpenter." " And what exactly does that have to do with me?" " You asked me." " Because you brought it up before." "So we're even Stephen." " You sure she saw you?" " Positive." "She was creeping down the stairs." "I wouldn't have a prayer in a lineup." " Man, look at those legs." "We're gonna be sawing all night." "Come on." "Let's get this over with." "Whatever you do, don't scream." "Bobby?" " How much do you like your balls?" " Have you ever made a really bad mistake?" "One thing you can never forgive yourself for?" " I can pick only one?" " I'm serious." " Who was joking?" " When I was 25," "I got knocked up by this guy, this angel of death with beautiful blond curls and a mean streak." "He was young and... apocalyptic." "And I loved him so much," "I didn't even realize I had a meth problem." " This is that moment, right?" " What moment?" " On the bus, when the complete stranger tells you they got cancer." " I wouldn't know." "I drive a car." " Sorry." "Uh, go on." " Go on what?" " With the story about your boyfriend, the meth dealer." "I'm not sharing anything with you now." " Uh, please." "I am a great listener." "Perhaps I've had one of those days." "Come on." "You were pregnant, and your boyfriend was a dealer." " Hmm." "So this one morning, I'm puking my guts out, the first trimester." "My boyfriend's trying to sleep." "He comes storming out of the bedroom and starts beating me with a wire hanger and telling me to shut up, that he's trying to get his beauty rest." "And I just started laughing, 'cause in that moment, I realized that if he ever knew that I was pregnant with his kid," "I would never be free of him." " Hmm." " I don't think I had ever felt that much clarity." "So I walked out the door and left forever." "But in my haste, I left the door open, and the apartment across the hall is being watched by the feds on a tip that there's a militia cell operating out of it." "So these militia goons dumped a bunch of their trash in my boyfriend's apartment." "End result: my boyfriend ended up doing time on a terrorist conspiracy." " So where's the big mistake?" " The big mistake is that" "I got paranoid that I was gonna get dragged into it." "I mean, these court hearings went on forever." "So when my daughter was born," "I left her in the care of my sister and went into hiding." " They were looking for you?" " No." "I mean, I thought I was like this big '60s radical, you know, going underground and fighting for my beliefs." "They didn't give a rat's ass about me." " There's a moral, and it's gonna be a mind-fuck, isn't it?" " The moral is that by the time I got back from Amsterdam to reclaim my daughter, she had, for all intents and purposes, become my sister's daughter." "And I was either not strong enough or not weak enough to take her back." " Does she even know?" " What she knows is that her mom and I fight a lot." "They're both in therapy now." "I went to therapy once." "It didn't do much for me." " No?" " It was just some creep getting off comparing me to dog shit stuck to the bottom of a shoe." " He said that?" " He worked in metaphors, he said, but the only thing he seemed to care about was whether I enjoyed anal sex." "What is it with guys and anal sex anyway?" "Are they all fags?" " It sure doesn't sound like you went to the right therapist." " The only reason I went to him was to talk to him about how to deal with guys just like him." "Instead, he spent the whole hour talking to my rack and informed me the reason every guy I meet wants to bang me is 'cause of my job." " Where do you work?" " I'm an actress." " Oh, yeah?" "Movies?" "Television?" " Porn." " Wow." "Can I ask you, like, how you..." "I mean, you're so pretty." "You could be in, like, normal things." "I mean, not that porn isn't normal." "It's just, you know, I'm just curious, like, how you got started in that." " When I first moved out here, I had this roommate, Riley, this beautiful hippie girl from Boulder." "I loved her to death." "We were way behind on our rent, and she made me come with her to this so-called audition as moral support, no pun intended, and, uh, that was that." " Weren't you scared?" " Holy fuck." "I was shitting bricks." "My first video, I did a scene with the legendary Jimmy Haynes." "All penis, that man, may he rest in peace." "But the second those cameras started rolling," "I knew exactly what to do." "Maybe it's genetic." "My great-grandmother was a gypsy sword-swallower, but I discovered I have a very real talent for sucking cock on camera." "Next thing you know, five years pass without even blinking." "The coke might have helped with that, the non-blinking part." "And then one day, Riley locks herself in a motel room and blows her brains out." " Oh, my God." " I found out later her stepfather was blackmailing her, the same prick who had abused her since she was ten." "What else is new?" "My childhood wasn't all that different." " I'm so sorry." " Hey, what's that saying," ""One man's trash is another man's treasure"?" "Someone else might have turned my childhood into a heartbreaking novel." "Not me." "Not yet anyway." " So are you famous?" " Yeah." " Really famous?" " Well... okay." "Tyra Doright and Christy Climax are probably the most popular girls right now in terms of web traffic." "But the Tyra Talking Love Doll is seriously overpriced at $225, and the arms don't even move in all directions, whereas the anatomically correct Elektra Luxx Vagina Deluxe" "retails for 89 bucks and comes in three different colors." "It is the number one selling celebrity vagina on the market." " Hold on." "Strangers purchase a replica of your vagina?" " It vibrates, and it squirts." "Oh, life is so fucking weird." "I don't even know what to think sometimes." " This is the Los Angeles Fire Department." "Anybody still in here?" " We're in the elevator!" "Hey!" "Can you hear us?" " Yeah, hold on." "I'll get you right out." "Hey, you guys okay?" " I actually brought her another espresso because I did not want her to say that she was asleep when I talked to her." " I can't think of any moment in my life that I'd like to relive." "I find myself not really being nostalgic about anything." "But that can't be, can it?" " I just want to tell her to just quit caterwauling around like a goddamned puma and get her ass in gear." "Mom, just get your act together." " You're hot." "I'd bang you." "I think about it." "But I don't tell you." "Why?" "It's like a seesaw in my head." " Because in my bones, I know the feeling." "I mean, I think I know." " And I see that on the tray are two little fortune cookies, and I start to crack it open, and I see the slip." "But I... at this point, I can't read it because my eyes are so fricking swollen." " I turn the lights down low." "Create a little atmosphere." " So I bring the waiter over." "I said, "Can you please..." ""can you please just read this to me?" "It's my fortune."" " Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no." " I have nostalgia for something." "It just hasn't happened yet." "But it's gonna happen, because if it doesn't, it's all shit." "The whole point is... like La Migra, you know what / mean?" "Like, I'm Mexico, and she's America." " A day without wearing a kilt is like a day without sunshine." " I mean, something's gonna happen." "It has to, right?" " But when I slipped into the dress," "I felt... fat." " I need your encouragement here." "I'm paralyzed by all this guilt." " I'm young, but I understand loneliness and how hard it can be." " What the fuck does that..." "what is that?" " I mean, do you..." "do you want me to compliment you on your cleavage?" " I need you to tell me that it's okay." " I mean, isn't "no" really mean "yes"?" " Maxine, it's time to wake up." "Maxine, you got to wake up now." " Maxine, wake up." " What?" "I'm listening." " We're here." " Oh, okay." " Where... where have you..." "are you all right?" " Thank God you're home." " Thank you." " Bambi." " Have we met?" " No." "You're off the hook with me, lamb chops." "I'm just making sure she got home safe." " Well, I thank you for that." "Can I, uh, call you a cab?" " What happened?" " Ah, the neighbors." "Yeah, it's been a crazy night." "You want..." "I can call you a cab." " No, what happened to 'em?" " I'm not entirely sure." "Some guys he owed money to were threatening him or beating him up or something, and he had a heart attack." " Oh, that's awful." "Is he gonna make it?" " Travis." " Yeah, coming." "I don't really know." "Kind of a shady character." "You sure I can't pay for your cab fare?" " You know, I'm gonna take the bus, I think." " Well, let me cover that." "That's the least I can do." "There you go." " Actually, uh... that's the least you can do, all right?" " For the bus?" " For whatever's next." "It's a long way to go." "No telling what fun and games the gods have in store." "Good luck, Travis." " Good luck to you too, Bambi." " Ah, Travis." "I'm gonna take these off and take that off." "This is impossible." "Okay." "Can you help me with these?" "I'll be ready in just a minute." "I think you should, um..." "We should start, though, okay?" "I'm gonna be right with you." "Okay, okay." "Now you start." " I'll call you back." "You all right?" " Was that her?" " Yeah." " What'd she say?" " She was worried about you." "Unbelievable." "Both of you." " Maxine..." " Did you fuck me?" " What?" " A simple yes or no." "Did you fuck me?" " No." " I don't remember taking my clothes off." " I helped you with your clothes." " Hmm." "What a gentleman." " Well, you were very drunk when you got home." " Oh, boo-fucking-hoo." "I'm still drunk, but I'm not an idiot, so you don't have to talk to me like I'm an idiot." " I'm not." " Don't." "I know what you're doing." " I'm not doing anything, okay?" "I'm just trying to explain that when you came home, you were wasted." "Your words." " Now you're quoting me?" "That is so condescending." " Well, I'm sorry, 'cause I didn't mean it to sound condescending." " Oh, of course not." "What did you mean?" " What I meant was... nothing happened tonight." " Nothing happened tonight." "You have a way with words." " In bed." "With us." " That's a shame." " Why?" " 'Cause you're never gonna get to fuck me again." " Why don't you just go back to sleep?" "We'll just talk about it in the morning, okay?" "Okay." "But did you want to?" " What?" " Did you want to fuck me?" " No." "I mean, of course." "I want you to fall in love with me again." "I've had other offers too." "From younger guys, richer guys, even your friends, but you're the one that I want to be with." "That's what we agreed." "And now you go and do this, and I'm gonna change everything that I believe in." "Everything!" "But I don't want to, because you're the one that I want to live with." "Oh, God." " Okay, we're gonna figure this out, all right?" "Tomorrow." "Everything's clearer in the morning, okay?" " You need something to help you sleep?" "Okay." " Are you going to get that?" " No." " Are you sure?" " I'm sure." " Mm-hmm." " God damn it, Maxine." " Listen to me carefully, you whiny psycho bitch." "You can't have him." "So pull your Botox head out of your skanky little ass and get yourself a fucking life of your own." "You are not allowed to borrow mine!" " Maxine." " To think of the unbearable amount of hours listening to your pathetic motherhood hang-ups and your embarrassing jealousy of your sister and those excruciating dreams of opening that stupid restaurant, which you're never actually gonna do because..." "What?" " Maxine, what's going on?" " Who is this?" " Open the door." "What is going on?" " Hold on!" "What happened to her?" " Come on, Maxine." "Please." " Shut up!" "No, not you, Officer." "Is she gonna make it?" "She ran her car into a pole." "The officer on site called the last number she dialed and said it's pretty serious." "You should go." " I'm gonna stay." " Travis, she's in the emergency room." "She shouldn't be alone." " Well, I'll call her sister, and she can go." "She's her family." " Do what you got to do." " What I go to do is stay here." " It's a little late for these gestures." " You don't have to talk to me." "You don't have to look at me." "You don't even have to be in the same room as me." "Just go to sleep." "I'm gonna put on a pot of coffee, and I'm gonna stay right here." " Good night." " Good night." "I'm sorry." " Who are you?" " I forgot." "I'm..." "I'm Rita's roommate." " Who?" " The bartender from Ruby's Caribbean." "She said you got attacked in the parking lot tonight or something." " Oh, yeah." " She gave you a couple Valiums, so that's probably what you're feeling right now." " Right." "What's that?" " Oh, it's for work." "I'm a masseuse." " Oh, hi, Mama." " No, a masseuse." "I do body work." "My name is Darby." " Oh, hi." "I'm..." "I'm Holly." " So, look, if you want to go back to sleep, I can..." " No." "No, really." "I'm..." "I'm good." "I'm good." "So... where are you from?" " Oh, I'm Canadian." " Wow." "Cool." " Yeah, you ever been?" " No." "But I love the food." " Um, do you know the guys that did this to you?" " No, no." " I guess some days are stranger than others." " Yeah." " Whenever something really weird happens to me," "I think it's, like, a life marker." "I say to myself, "Darby," ""you are alive, and the time is now." "Today is a day you will not forget."" " Yeah." "And it's also my birthday." "Today is your birthday?" "No shit?" "Oh, my gosh." "We should have a drink to celebrate." " No, I really..." "I can't hold my liquor." "But you should." " Well, fuck." "You know what, let me give you a birthday massage." " No." "No, you really..." "I couldn't." "Oh." " Your neck is like a rock, like you smashed it." " Oh, yeah, I got hit by a car today." "Twice." " Jesus, quite the birthday, huh?" " Yeah." " Do you spend a lot of time sitting at work?" " Some positions, I guess." " Hmm." " Ahh." " So before getting attacked and before getting run over, did you do anything special for your birthday?" " Oh." "Not really." "I mean, I, um..." "I went to work, and then I went to the gym." "And then my best friend called me to go work with her, but that didn't really pan out." "And then we met this woman who took us to the bar, and she got tanked, and, um... my friend ended up taking her home and, um..." " It's okay." "Just let it out." "Your body's been through some major, major trauma." " It's not that." "It's just Bambi." "She didn't... she didn't even remember it was my birthday, and that's why I thought she was calling to begin with." "I was sure she had some surprise planned for me or something, and she just wanted me to tag-team some guy." "She's so stupid, she doesn't even realize that I have feelings for her." "I-I felt so nervous, 'cause even though it was a fake thing, just a pony show for some cheese ball," "I thought, "You know, she's finally gonna get it."" "The whole thing got interrupted, and she spent the whole night making fun of me." "And I'm so bad at my job," "I'm afraid nobody's gonna hire me 'cause I get embarrassed talking dirty and I can't eat pussy." "It's just a matter of time before they realize that I'm the lamest porn star ever." " Well, I'm sure it's not as bad as it seems." " It's pretty awful." " Well, have you thought about a new career?" " Yeah." "But I'm so dumb, I'm not good at anything." " You're just being hard on yourself." " No, I'm being honest." "You know, everybody laughs at me." "They don't even have the courtesy to do it behind my back." "When those men came at me tonight," "I thought, "This is it." "I'm dead." ""And I haven't even done anything with my life" ""or had the chance to tell her about Ringo and the puking so she'd understand."" " Tell who?" "Who's Ringo?" " He was my dog when I was 12." "Golden retriever." " What happened to him?" " God, he was... he was always humping everything." "It was like, "Get off me, you pig."" "Nonstop." "And he really was the horniest dog." "I mean, something was wrong with him." "I've never told anybody this before." "Okay." "What happened was, I, um..." "I had all these magazine articles spread out." "I was doing this school project, this collage on rock formations." "My legs were in a V." "I was only wearing a T-shirt and panties." "And Ringo comes running in to play..." "And he starts licking my knee, which was funny, you know?" "And then... all of a sudden, he... starts moving up my thigh, sniffing." "And I got this tingle." "So out of curiosity, and because my mother was asleep," "I moved my panties aside." "Let him investigate." "So he just stuck his nose in there and started licking between my lips." "And he was so gentle and tireless." "I mean, that dog could have kept licking all night." "And, you know, it felt so good." "To this day, I haven't had better head." "So I laid down, and I took off my underpants, and I let him go to town" "when... when... out of nowhere, I hear my mom yelling hysterically, beating the dog with a wet mop." "I mean, it was like she was possessed." "She wouldn't talk to me for a week." "And then one day, I came home, and Ringo was gone." "And she said he ran away, but I knew she was lying." "And that summer," "I found his collar and bones buried in the backyard." " Holly, that's horrible." "I can't believe..." "I can't believe I told you that." " It's okay." " So now... every time I go down on a girl," "I think of Ringo, and everything just comes up in me." "I can't..." "I can't control it." " Of course." "But now you've acknowledged it." "It's time to just move on." "The body doesn't want to hold on to these things." "It just wants to let it go." " You're so understanding." "You don't think I'm disgusting?" " Of course not." " I'm not some immortal whore?" " You mean immoral?" " Yeah, that's what I mean." " Sweetie..." "I think when it comes to pleasure, if it feels good and you're not hurting anyone, then forget about morals." "What your mother did... that was immoral." " She had my uncle shoot Ringo in the head." " Well, that's just pure evil." " I..." "I think I'm cured." "No, I think I just..." "I needed to tell somebody." "Thank you." " Oh, sweetie, don't mention it." " No, I need to pay you back somehow." " Do not be silly." " No, I would feel so much better if you'd just lie down and let me give you head." "What?" "I don't even know you." " It would mean so much to me." " You should be doing this with Bambi." " Look, I could use the practice." "Come on, my treat." "Please." " I have to pee first." "Blessed Mary, mother of mercy, no matter what Bambi says about you not being a virgin," "I still believe in you and implore your divine guidance." "Please, please, please help me not to barf all over that nice Canadian girl as I pay her back for her kindness." "Amen." " I always wanted to learn Chinese." "I don't know why, but ever since I was a little girl." "Hello?" "Darby?" " Hey." " Hey." "Is Holly still here?" " Yeah, mm-hmm." " This is her friend Bambi." " Oh, hey, Bambi." "Come on in." " You're not wearing any pants." " It was, uh, really stuffy in here." "Holly's in the bathroom." " I think the Valium didn't sit well." " Or maybe some Mexican food." " Poor thing's been through a lot today." " Do you want a drink?" " Oh, I could use a beer." " I'm fine." " Okay." " You and Darby..." " On and off." "She's young." " Really?" "I couldn't tell." " How about you and, uh..." " Oh, no." "Holly's totally straight." "We're super tight, though." "Starsky and Hutch tight." " Okay." "Here you go." "Cheers." " What are you doing here?" " I came back to the bar." "Rita told me what happened." " You came back for me?" " Of course I came back." "It's past midnight." "It's officially your birthday." " Technically, it was my birthday yesterday, but it's the thought that counts." " Your birthday's on the 16th, Holly." " Right." "Yesterday." " No, today is the 16th." " Today is my birthday?" " Happy birthday, you goofball." "I got the whole day planned." "Let's go get some sleep." " Mm." " Oh, don't forget your bag." " Thank you." " Doris." " Thank you so much for coming." " Of course." " I had no right to call you like this." "I do have friends." "I am not a weirdo." " Stop apologizing." "It's fine." " I just couldn't deal with any of them tonight." " I don't sleep much anyway." " It's so late." "You must think I'm crazy." " What happened?" " She was driving, not drunk, and somehow lost control of the vehicle and smashed into a telephone pole." "The car is totaled." "She's got a bunch of broken bones, and they won't let me see her." " Okay, let's not panic till the doctor comes out." "Coffee or tea?" " It doesn't matter." "Thank you." "You're an angel." " Who's this?" "She's so big." " You don't have to whisper." "She sleeps through earthquakes." "I got a call from Addy's shrink's husband, the shrink I was telling you about." "Somehow they contacted them first, and then I had to pick up Charlotte at a sleepover, and by the time I got here, they were already rushing her into the operating room." "She was probably on the phone." "She gets so distracted." "And the last conversation I had with her," "I was such a bitch." "Let's talk about something else." "How are you feeling?" " I'm good." " You're eating right?" "Taking care of yourself?" " Since I last saw you, I took a shower," "I had a soup and a salad, and peed twice." " And the father?" " What about him?" " Does he know?" " No." " Are you gonna tell him?" " I thought I was, but, uh, he won't call me back." " Typical." " It's too bad, 'cause under different circumstances," "I could almost see us together." " Never say never." " No, I mean really different circumstances, like an alternate universe." "He's a sweet guy." " Handsome?" " Handsome." " Married?" " Single." " Rich?" " Very." " Call him back." " It would never work." "Not with my past." " I think you're shortchanging yourself." "What you've done before doesn't count." "It's what you're going to do from now on." " Sounds nice." "But that's not the real world." "Anyway, I'm not even sure I'm gonna have the baby, so..." " Are you with Miss Hunter?" " I'm her sister." " The doctor says you can come in, but just one of you." " Okay?" " Yeah." " Yeah?" " Where's Doris?" " Oh, uh, she went to talk to the doctor." "She'll be back soon." " Who are you?" " I'm Elektra." " I'm Charlotte." " I know." "It's good to meet you." "You thirsty or anything?" " No." "Cigarette?" " I can't, thanks." " You mind if I do?" " I don't think you're allowed in here." " We'll see." "Okay, I'll have one." "Thanks." " Doris says some stores carry a plastic replica of your vagina." " She said that?" " I didn't believe her." " It's true." " Really?" " Yeah." " That's weird." "What do people do with it?" " Well..." "I guess some people have strange tastes in decorating." "You know, it's..." "it's like a novelty item." " What's a novelty?" " Like a funny thing that doesn't really..." "I mean, it has a use, but it's also like a... boy." "I'll have to think about that." " Maybe I could bring one into school." " I don't think that would be..." "I'm not sure how that would go over." " We could use it for sex ed instead of those lame pictures." " Why don't we read a magazine?" "Here." " Here's a good one." ""Man jailed over his wife's breasts." ""London, July 3rd." ""A London man has been sentenced to 20 months in jail" ""for reportedly kidnapping his wife" ""to stop her from having surgery to enlarge her breasts." ""Deckland Summer, 31, told his wife, Emma," ""'Don't do it,' while dragging her out of the hospital," ""where she was waiting to have the operation," ""The Sun reported Wednesday." ""He said he had a knife and would kill her" ""if she did not come with him." ""The woman managed to escape from Summer" ""and ran into an office before collapsing." ""Hospital worker Luanna Ali told police he said to her," ""'I like you as you are." "I will kill you now.'" ""Since then, Emma, 25, has left her husband" ""and also decided to forgo the breast enhancement operation."" "So kind of a happy ending." " He loved her the way she was." "It's not easy to find a guy like that." " But he was crazy." " Which is not hard to find." " Do you have fake boobs?" " No." "You?" " I'm only 13." " Mm, people start early these days." " I thought all porn stars had fake boobs." " Did Doris say that too?" " She said you were an actress in movies I wouldn't want to see." "You guys are really open with each other." " Yep." "Why do they call them adult movies if they're so juvenile?" " It's a euphemism." " What's a euphemism?" " Uh, a polite way of saying something that drags all the fun out of saying it." " Like saying a plastic vagina's a novelty item?" "You're a smart kid." "What else did your..." "did Doris say?" " That in your heart, you already quit your job, but you don't know it yet, and that you're yearning to become a person of substance." " Hmm." " The rock music world is in shock with the news that Nick Chapel, the drummer for the popular rock band Midnight Love Parade, has been found dead in the lavatory of a commercial airliner." "Investigators found drug paraphernalia on Chapel and are handling this as a possible accidental overdose." "The female flight attendant was in hysterics as the plane touched down in New York City, where Chapel was scheduled to play tonight." " Elektra." "Elektra, can you hear me?" "Wake up." " Hey." " Hey there." " Did I faint?" " At least you were in the perfect place." " Where's Charlotte?" " She went to get a snack." " I like her." " She's a little weird." " I've never liked any kid before, even as a kid." "How's your sister?" " Well... they are reconstructing her face as we speak." "Those are their exact words." "They say that the plastic surgeon is the best of the best and she's gonna be just fine." " Thank God." " Thank God." " You believe in God?" " Right now, yes." " I'd like to believe." "But I don't know." "I look around the world, and I'm in a constant state of disbelief." " Charlotte told me about Nick." "Is he the father?" "Did you love him?" " It's starting to dawn on me that maybe I did." "But I never told him." "You know, the last guy I really liked, we dated for a couple months." "I didn't know if he knew about me, and I didn't want to ask." "But anyway... the day after I finally went to bed with him, he asked me for my autograph." " Hmph." " He was almost sweet about it." ""I can't believe I fucked Elektra Luxx," he told me." "He wanted to share it with me, with his friends, with the world." "With Nick, I just didn't want him to think" "I was some groupie stalker after his money." "I just wanted so badly not to hide anything anymore, you know, to tell the truth." " So tell me." " What?" " Pretend I'm Nick." "Tell me the truth." "I mean, you planned your speech." "You've rehearsed it in front of the mirror, or I know I would have." " Let me hear it." " Okay." "Nick," "I've done 62 X-rated movies, 35 box covers, a thousand club appearances." "I have 20 fan clubs, my own website." "A conservative estimate would place the amount of people I've fucked in the mid-hundreds." "I've dated movie stars, politicians, and a pair of twin mafioso restaurant chefs who nearly got me arrested by drug enforcement agents." "I've had my amphetamine phase, my coke phase, my three-cigarette-pack-a-day phase." "I haven't talked to a single member of my family... drunks and religious psychopaths, each and every one of them..." "in ten years." "I've had three abortions, been kicked out of my last four apartments..." "And I have never, ever had anyone" "kiss me like you do." " That's beautiful." "But it's too late." "I mean, if we don't tell people how we feel, what are we doing here?" "You need to tell Charlotte." " I know." "Once Addy's better and..." " No, she needs to know now." " Now is not a good time." " But there is no good time." "There is no right time." "There is only now." "Your entire life can change in five minutes." "Less." " Charlotte." " I can't decide which looks less appealing." " I got to talk to you." " Did she decide to keep the baby?" " I don't know." "It's not about that." "I think we should sit down." "So... a long time ago, when I was a lot younger, before you were born," "I did something, some things, that I'm not entirely..." "Let me rephrase that." " Drugs?" " No, not drugs." "It's not that kind of a story." "I mean, I have done drugs, but that's not what I..." "You know I love you above and beyond words." "I would never abandon you." " I know, Mom." " What?" " I said, "I know."" " What did you say after that?" " I found my birth certificate a couple weeks ago." "What?" "Why didn't you say so?" " I don't..." "I don't know." "I guess..." "I guess I felt bad for Mo..." "I mean Addy." " She's still your mom too." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "And as soon as she's better, we're gonna decide how to work this." "But I wanted to talk to you first, because, first and foremost, I wanted so see" "if you'll take me back as your mom." "I'm reapplying for the job." " I'm a lot of work." " I know." " Excuse me, Miss Hunter." "Your sister's out of the OR." "You can both go see her now." " Thank you." " After Addy gets better, can we all go on a road trip?" " Great idea." " Can Elektra come too?" " We can ask her." " I think she's gonna keep the baby." " You do?" "How come?" " Because I tested her earlier." "I asked her if she wanted to smoke, and she said she couldn't." " Very sneaky." " Besides, if she has the baby, then she can quit her job, because she'll be a millionaire." " Huh." "When did you get to be so clever?" " Genetic, I guess." "Speaking of which, when are going to tell me about my dad?" " Hmm." "What do you want to know?" "His name is George." "He's back in prison." " His name is George?" "What's his last name?" " Katz." " Charlotte Katz-Hunter." "That is the worst name I have ever heard." " Nobody's forcing you to take his last name." " Can I change my middle name?" " You don't have a middle name." " I know, but I want to change my name to Charlotte D. Hunter." " What does the D stand for?" " Danger." " Danger is your middle name?" " Danger is my middle name." " It's good." "I like that." " Hi, I'm Bert Rodriguez, and this is En Pelotas magazine, the adult Latin world's numero uno source for breaking sexy news." "I'm here on the set of" "Even Reverse Cowgirls Get the Blues with two hotties who need no introductions." "Holly, would you like to do the honors?" " Excuse me?" " You want to introduce yourself?" " Oh, we've totally met." "We're in the movie together." " He means to the camera, sweetie." " For all our viewers out there." " Okay, I'm lost." "Your name's Bert, right?" " I'm correspondent/blogger Bert Rodriguez, and you are..." " Holly." " Exactly." "Uber hot up-and-comer Holly Rocket sitting alongside adult film industry legend and, if I may, the foxiest fuck bunny ever captured on video, Elektra Luxx." "That's very sweet." "Thank you." " So..." "Holly." "What was it like when you heard you'd be doing scenes with Elektra?" " Wow." "I mean, I was..." "I was really pinching myself." "I mean, Elektra's the reason" "I got in the business to begin with, you know." "God, I am blessed." "It's like one big wet dream." " Oh." " It's true." " I'm like, "Wow, she's licking my nipple,"" "or, "That's Elektra Luxx's toe in my butt."" "I mean, it's..." "it's really wild." " That's so nice of you." " But it's true." "And I've been learning so much just watching you." "I mean, the way you fill the camera." " She's great." " No, no." "I'm the biggest klutz, okay?" "I'm always elbowing the boom guy." "But she has this supernatural sense of everything around her, you know?" "Oh, and then the hipster coin trick and... and eye contact." " Eye con..." "that's your trademark." "You... you make eye contact with the camera in a way so the viewer at home, he feels like, "Wow,"" "like it's him you're getting it on with." " Or her." " Or her." "Certainly." "How did you come up with that?" " Well, I've always been very comfortable with my fellow performers." "But at first, the camera made me self-conscious." "That's hard to believe." " Well, until I realized the camera's just another character in the scene, the main character, really." " I wish I was the camera." " So when I look at the camera, it's like I'm letting the viewer in on my little secret." "It's a playful relationship." " "Playful" being the operative word, and that's it." " Bert." "Hey, you want to just take that question?" "Let me ask you." "You're famous for making eye contact with the camera in a way that makes the viewer at home feel like, "Wow,"" "like it's him you're getting it on with." "How'd you come up with that?" " Wait, is he in the biz, too?" " I'm sorry." "You're right." " It's okay." " I was totally unprofessional." " No, let's move on." "Forget it." " It's just I was really excited to meet you." "I mean, you don't know me from Adam, but I grew up watching you." "I mean, I know every inch of your body like the back of my hand." " It's okay." "Next question." " Adam who?" " I'll tell you later." " We have some questions from our website." "We conduct fan polls to determine the greatest porn stars in a bunch of different categories from the typical "best ass, mouth, legs,"" "to more specialized stuff," ""best undresser," "best facial reaction,"" ""sexiest moan during orgasm."" "Um, let's see." "Elektra." "Right now, overall, you are at 94%." " Wow." "That's... that's historic." "And, Holly, you're coming up strong, 90%, which is unheard of for a newcomer." "You have "best legs" right now by a landslide." " She does." " So here are some questions submitted by our fans." " Wait." "Do we... do we have to do this part?" " Don't worry." "I'll help you." " Holly," ""A man gives you a suitcase with a million dollars." ""The catch is, if you accept it, a Chinese man will drop" ""in the middle of the street and die." "What do you do?"" " I would pay for the man's funeral and then donate money to improve street conditions in China so that more people won't die." " "Elektra," ""what was the character name of the professional wrestler that Rocky fights in Rocky iii?"" " What?" " Ooh, ooh." " You know this?" " Yeah, Mr. T." " That is incorrect." "The correct answer is Thunderlips." " Huh, I was in a movie called Thunderlips." " Back to Holly." ""Who was the only Beatle whose first wife was not pregnant when they married?"" " Who came up with these questions?" " The Japanese lady?" " Sorry." "The correct answer is George." " Uh, don't feel bad." "This is crazy." " Number three, for you, Elektra." ""What is the name of a whale's penis?"" " What the fuck?" " Whale cock!" " It's not your turn, Holly." " It can't possibly be whale cock, can it?" " I'm afraid that is wrong." "The name for a whale's penis is dork." " Dork." " Huh." " Yep, the blue whale has the biggest dork." "Ten feet long." " Jesus." " How state-of-the-art." " Final question, extra credit for both of you." ""Two people stand back-to-back then walk 30 feet," ""turn left, and walk another 40 feet." "How far apart are they?"" " What kind of porn site is this?" "There... there is no way you know this." "It's some kind of triangulation formula." " It's simple trig, I think." " Simple trig?" "Who are you?" " My mom was a math teacher." "It's one thing I'm good at." "Pythagorean theorem:" "A squared plus B squared equals C squared." "So the two people are making two, um..." "What's the word?" "Um..." " Um, interconnected?" " No, conjoined." "The two people are making two conjoined triangles." "You can solve for C on one triangle and then double it." "So if A equals 30 and B equals 40, then A squared equals 900 and B squared equals 1,600, which would mean C squared equals 2,500." "The square root of that is 50." "Multiply that times 2, which would be..." " 100." " 100." "The people are 100 feet away from each other, which would mean that one person's in the kitchen and the other person's watching TV." " That is 1,000% correct." " What just happened?" " Will the jerk-off blocking the loading dock with a '79 Toyota Corolla move it immediately, please?" " Fuck." " Oh, is that you?" " What... did he say?" "Did he say Corolla?" " Uh-huh." " Uh, yeah." " Do you think..." "I don't really..." " They do tow." " Yeah." " You should check it out." " Shit." "I'm so sorry." "I will..." "I'll be right back." " Wow." "You could get a PhD, you know?" " I know." "That's why I get tested twice a year." "Nobody thinks it can happen to them, but anyone can get a PhD." "Make sure you get tested."