" Morning, Jeannie." " Good morning, master." " Well, I'm on my way to the base now." " Not without breakfast, master." "Everyone should start the day with a good, hot breakfast." "Jeannie." "I know." "You are always in a hurry, master." " Yeah, well" " But this is one time that you must take time to eat." "Yes, except for one" "You will feel much better after you have eaten, master." "Well, it's very good except I" " Is it not delicious?" " Yeah." "Bacon and strawberries is a nice combination." "I think it's going a little too far" "There we are." "Eat it up." "It will make you strong." "No, Jeannie, you must stop this" "Well, there, master." "Was that not good?" "Marvellous." "There's only one problem." "Well, what is that, master?" "I've already had my breakfast." "I'm sorry I upset you, master but how was I to know you already had your breakfast?" "Well, it's not only today, it's every day." "You don't do anything right." "You don't have the faintest idea of what to do as a genie." "You're an amateur's amateur." "I cannot help it, master." "I have not had much practice at being a genie." "I was a very young girl when the wicked djinn put me in my bottle." "Oh, and 2000 years later you rescued me." "All right, come on." "Let's not get off the subject, huh?" "You keep making mistakes." "Every time I open my mouth, you put my foot in it." "I casually mention the Wild West and you have me duelling in the street." "I say something about pirates and there I am having a fight with Captain Kidd." "It's getting so I'm afraid to say anything." "Know what I would do, master?" " Nothing." "Nothing!" " But I" "No, nothing." "I'm the only astronaut in the program that has a daily nervous breakdown." "All I wanted to do was give him a hot breakfast." "Morning." "You're a bundle of nerves today." "Today?" "Every day." "If I don't do something about Jeannie she's gonna drive me out of my mind." "Look at my reports." "Look, I wouldn't do this for too many people but I hate to see you suffer." "I'll take her." "Believe me, Roger, it's no fun getting everything you wish for." "Yeah." "I know what you mean." "Why don't I borrow her for a year or two." "If it doesn't work out, I'll give her back." " Can't you be serious?" " Be serious?" "I've never been more serious in my life." "You're dying to get rid of her and I'm dying to get her." "I'm not dying to get rid of her." "I just want her to learn how to act." "Tony, I've never asked any favours of you, right?" "I met this girl." "I need Jeannie." "I've gotta impress this girl." "I just want to borrow her for a week, okay?" "I'm sorry, Roger." " Twenty-four hours?" " No." " An hour." " No, Roger." " Five minutes." " Roger!" " Would you let her wave to me?" " Don't you understand?" "You'd have just as much trouble as I'm having." "If you feel that way, why don't you sit down and have a heart-to-heart, master-genie talk with her?" "Don't you think I've tried that?" "It doesn't help." "She doesn't mean to get me in trouble." "It just" " Well, it just happens." "It's probably because she's inexperienced." "She wasn't born a genie, you know." " She wasn't?" " No, of course not." "She was turned into a genie when she was a young girl." "I guess until I came along, she just didn't have much practice at it." " Well, why don't you give her lessons?" " Yeah, sure." "I better be getting to the test chambers." "What were you saying?" "What was I saying?" "I better be getting over to the test chambers." "No, no." "I mean about Jeannie." "That's it." "You solved the- You're brilliant." "I suppose I do have a knack for getting at the heart of things." " You sure do." " Running a little late, I" "What is it I solved, exactly?" "Jeannie's doing all these things because she doesn't know any better." "Now, all I have to do is get her a book on genies." "Maybe The Arabian Nights." "That's it!" "I'll give her The Arabian Nights." "She can study it and learn how genies behave." "That's brilliant of you, Roger." "Kind of a Dr. Spock on bringing up genies?" "Yeah, that's right." "You know I get these intuitions about things?" "Yeah, what does it say to you?" "It says that you're headed for disaster." "And if I were you, I'd stick with the nervous breakdown." "Lovely." "These washing machines are truly miracles." "Jeannie." "Jeannie?" " Good evening, master." " Oh, hi." "I brought you a present." "A gift!" "Oh, you are the most generous master I've ever known." "Well, it's really not that much, Jeannie." "Oh, you are always doing things for me." "Well, it's not that big a deal, you know." " It is candy." " No." "No." "Oh, I love candy, master." "It is not candy." "It's a book." " Book." " Yes." "It is a book about my hometown!" "Oh, I shall enjoy reading this, master." "As a matter of fact, I'd like you to study it." " Study it?" " Yes." "Oh, it's full of exciting stories about genies and their masters." "You said you didn't know much about being a genie and I thought you could use this book as kind of a textbook." "Oh, you mean you wish me to do what the genies in these stories do." "It's not so much as what they do, as what they don't do." "I don't pretend to be an expert on genies but I guess I know as much about them as the next man." "If there's anything a genie shouldn't do..." " ... it's drive their masters up the wall." " I do not mean to drive you up a wall." "I know you don't." "But we're not gonna have that problem now." "You see, all you have to do is follow the book." " Follow the book?" " That's right." ""And the genie bowed low and said to Aladdin:" "'My wish is your command. "'" "Yeah, that's wonderful, you see." "I should've bought that book for you about a year ago." "I will begin reading it tomorrow, master." "We don't have any time to lose, Jeannie." "I'd like you to start reading it now." "Okay?" " Now?" " Yup." " Master." " Oh, did you finish the book?" "No, master." "I cannot do as this book says." "Jeannie, we discussed this." "You're gonna do exactly as it says." " But, master, you would not like it." " You mean you wouldn't like it." " It's time you learned discipline." " I have discipline." "You'll have to behave like a proper genie." "Is that clear?" "No." "A proper genie does not" "Argue with her master." "Now, I want you to go and finish that book." "And that's an order." "Very well, master." "You are sure that is what you wish?" "I've never been more sure of anything in my life." "Yes, master." ""And the blue djinn said:" "'The first thing you must do is to get your master at your mercy." "This is easier than you realize. "'" "I should say so." ""'You must trick him." "Catch him off guard." "When he is at your mercy, torture him. "'" "Torture him." " Master." " Have you finished it already?" "Oh, no, master." "It is a terrible book." "Jeannie, for you it's terrible, for me it's great." "I cannot do the things it says." "I'm gonna give you a choice." "Either behave like the genies in the book, or you have to get out of here." " Do you mean that?" " I certainly do." "Very well, master." "I tried." ""'And,' the blue djinn said 'now, genies, I will reveal to you 10 ingenious tortures that I have devised." "The first one is known as the torture-"'" "Oh, no!" "Major Healey." "Jeannie, don't you ever knock?" "I am sorry, Major Healey, but I have to talk to you." "I need your advice." "Well, I haven't advised many genies before..." " ... but what's your problem?" " Major Nelson." "You mean the book." " You know about it?" " Know about it?" " He doesn't make a move without me." " It is a terrible book." "If I do the things it says, Major Nelson will hate me and want to get rid of me." "Major Nelson will hate you and want" "You've got to do exactly what that book says." " Exactly what" " Exactly." "If I do, he will not like it." "You're wrong." "He'll love it." "Well, he cannot have read that book." "Tales of the Arabian Nights?" " He was brought up on it." " He was?" "If you don't do exactly what the book says, he's going to be very angry." "Are you sure of this?" "Sure of it?" "I know him like a book." "And that's the book." "Modern men have strange ways." "Well, any time you need my advice, just pop in, huh?" "I will." "Thank you, Major Healey." "Jeannie." "Good night." "Good night, master." "Have you finished the book?" " The first three chapters." " Oh, good." "Are you getting an idea of how I want you to behave?" "I'm afraid I am, master." "I feel better already." "If you feel better, I feel better." "Well, you get a good night's sleep." "Tomorrow's gonna be a wonderful, wonderful day." "Good night, master." "Good night, Jeannie." "Jeannie!" " A bed of nails?" " Yeah, that's right." "Why would she want to do a thing like that?" "I don't know." "I went looking for her, but she'd disappeared." " Maybe I was too hard on her, huh?" " Yeah, you were too" "Oh, no, no." "You're too easy on her." " Too easy?" " You know how genies are." "You give them an inch and they take a mile." "I don't know." "I thought that book would help her." "Tony, have you read The Tales of the Arabian Nights?" " No." " Good." "I mean, it's good for genies." "Have her do exactly what that book says." " Yeah, I tried." " Well, be firm." "You're the master, remember?" "Firm." "Yeah, you're right, Roger." "I don't know what I'd do without you." "Well, we're buddies, aren't we?" " Well, I'll see you later, buddy." " Yeah, okay." "Be firm." "I'm the master." "I'm the master." "Jeannie." "Jeannie?" "Hey, where have you been?" "You and I are gonna have a little talk, young lady." "Oh, good, master." "What shall we talk about?" " We're gonna talk about that book." " You want me to stop reading it." " I am so happy." " I don't want you to stop reading it." " I want you to memorize it." " Memorize it?" "Sit in that chair, and I don't want you to move until you've memorized every word." "I've had a hard day, I'm going to bed." "See you in the morning." " Master." " What?" "There is your bed, master." "What do you mean, my bed?" "What are you talking about?" "We are supposed to stay out of our bottles as much as possible." "I will sleep in your bedroom and you may sleep there." "If you think I'm gonna sleep on this you're very much mistaken, young lady." "Jeannie?" "Come on, Jeannie." " Yes?" "Oh, Dr. Bellows." " Good evening, Major Nelson." " I wanted to bring you this report." " That's very kind of you, sir." "That's an iron gate you have in front of your bedroom door." "Yes." "We've had a series of burglaries." "Please don't explain it." "I like it better than the apple tree you had in your living room." " It's locked." "Do you have a key?" " No, no." "How are you gonna get into your bedroom?" " Through the window." "You see" " Don't explain." " Why not?" " Because if you do I'm afraid I'll understand it." " Good night." " Oh, good night, Dr. Bellows." "Jeannie, let me in." "Come on." "Jeannie!" "You mean she locked you out of your room?" "With an iron gate." "Honestly, Roger, I don't know what's gotten into her." "Well, I hate to say this, Tony, but I think Jeannie has run amuck." "Run amuck?" "Yeah, it happens to genies sometimes, and when it does:" " Really?" " Really." "You've gotta get Jeannie to do exactly what that book says and don't let her argue." "Don't let her argue." "Yeah, you're right." "You're absolutely right." "Thanks, Roge." " Don't forget." " No." "Run amuck?" " Jeannie, I want to have a" " Oh, master." "Oh, I've been so unhappy." "All I wish to do is please you." "With what, a bed of nails and an iron door in front of my bedroom?" "Oh, I did not want to do any of those things." "Yeah, I suppose you had to." "We're not gonna have any more of that." "Tonight I'm sleeping in my own bed." "Oh, I am so glad." "Jeannie, I can't figure you out." "You've never behaved this way before." "You used to get me into trouble, but you never planned it that way." "Oh, no, master." "I only want to make you happy." "Tell me, what can I do for you?" "Well, that's- That's more like it." "Command me to do anything, master." "How many chapters have you read?" "Ten." "But I" "I want you to do exactly what's in chapter 10." "No, master." "I cannot do that." "You said you'd do anything I wanted." "Not that, master." "Yes, that, Jeannie." "Chapter 10." "Now." " Now?" " Now." "Major Healey." "Oh, Jeannie." "Jeannie, how is it going?" "Terribly." "I think Major Nelson hates me." "Oh, he does, huh?" "Oh, he does." "Where is he now?" "Hanging over a hungry group of crocodiles." "A hungry group of crocodiles?" "Well, he forced me to do it." "He said, " Do what is in chapter 10 now. "" "Crocodiles?" "I do not know how to please him anymore." "If I do not follow the book, he yells at me." "If I do follow the book, he yells at me." "Lately he has been yelling at me all the time." "Are they big crocodiles or small crocodiles?" "Oh, please help me, Major Healey." "Help you." "Oh, help." "I am helping you." "I don't know how to tell you this, Jeannie but your master has run amuck." "Run amuck?" "It happens to masters sometimes." "When it does:" " Really?" " Really." "And when it does, I guess you have to find yourself a new master." "Oh, but I could not do that." "Well, is he happy?" "No." "He's miserable." "Well, there you are." "You mean, the only way I can make him happy is to leave him?" "I'm afraid so." "Well, I do not want to leave him but if that is the only way I can make him happy, I guess I must." "But where will I go?" "Well, since this is an emergency, why don't I come to the rescue?" "You mean you would be my new master?" "Well, that's the least I can do for my old friend." "Thank you, Major Healey." "Now that that's settled why don't you run home, get your bottle and come right back." " I got a few things I need." " Very well." "But I will release Major Nelson from the crocodiles first." "Oh, don't tell him anything about this." "Just get the bottle and come right back." "Yes, I will be right back." "I can't hold on any" "Oh, are you all right, master?" "How can I be all right?" "I've got a genie who's run amuck." " Run amuck?" " Yes, yes." "It happens to genies sometimes, you know." "Well, who should know better than you?" "Major Healey said that it was masters who run amuck." "Yeah, well, don't go around believing everything Ma" "Major Healey said that masters run amuck?" "Yes." "He said that you hated me and the only way to make you happy was to be his genie." "Do not worry, I'm going to be his genie..." " ... because I want you to be happy." " That dirty" " That figures." " I will leave before you start yelling..." " ... and getting angry at me again." " Roger." "No, I don't want you to go." "I just want you to tell me exactly what was in that book." "Oh, please do not make me follow that book again, master." "I'm not gonna make you do anything." "Just tell me all about it." "Well it is a book of tortures that genies do to their masters." "That genies do to their- Why, that" "Yes, master, but I'm so sorry." "I did not want to do any of them." "Oh, Jeannie, it's not your fault." "It's mine." " Yours?" " Yes." "When you care for somebody, when you really care for somebody you don't try to change them." "You take the good with the bad and you be thankful for what you got." "And I forgot to be thankful." "I tried to change you, and I was wrong." "And I'm sorry." " Do you mean that, master?" " Yes, I mean that." "Oh, I am so happy." "What shall I do about Major Healey?" "May I have the book, please?" "Thank you." "Let's see what it says in chapter fifteen." "It is Major Healey." "Come in." " Hi, Roge." " Hi, Ton" " Tony." " Hi, Tony." " Hi." "I got a little worried there." "You didn't come back and..." "Well, Major Nelson and I have been having a little talk." "Oh, what were you talking about?" "Oh, about running amuck, you know." "Oh, running amuck, huh?" " She told you, huh?" " Yeah." "Well, it was funny." "I wouldn't have done it, Tony but I needed Jeannie desperately." "I tried to tell you before, remember?" "Oh, yes, yes, I remember." "And you wouldn't give her to me so I..." "I would love to have seen you with those crocodiles." "No hard feelings?" "Well, you two surely know how to take a joke." "Now." " Now?" " Now." "Jeannie." "Go away." "This is my iceberg." "This is my iceberg."