"(TV CRASHING)" "What the... the telly!" "Psycho!" "You need meds." "How do I watch the Arsenal-Leicester match?" "Stupid French witch!" "Delhi idiot, go watch the match with the other idiot Mehra." "As for the TV, this French witch won it at the Xmas fair." "Remember?" "But I paid for the fair tickets." "Remember?" "Tough luck, Desi boy." "Get your own telly, if you can afford it." "You wanna go there?" "Fine!" "Wasn't even HD." "I'll get the latest." "3D, HD." "7.1 surround sound." "It's Game of Thrones all night." "No more: "Turn the sound down, I have an early start."" "You can't take that." "I bought it." "It was my birthday present." "You know what." "Don't want your stupid present." "Just 'cos I like Tweety doesn't mean you stuff the house with them." " Bloody twit." " That's my t-shirt!" "You're impossible!" "No swearing in French." "You know what." "You left Delhi but your hooligan Delhi talk didn't leave you." "Oh yeah?" "At least I'm not a French slut, sleeping with every man in Paris." "You know what." "I thought it was my bad." "Thank you for clearing that up." "Goodbye." "Taxi." "Miss..." "Ok." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "(DOOR BELL RINGING)" "Hi, baby!" "Shyra darling, what a surprise!" "If I can use my room without the third degree, I'll stay." "Or I go to Kim's." "You guys decide." "Delete his number from your phones." "Mum, block him on Facebook too." "You're on Facebook?" "I'm from Delhi, she's from Paris." "Delhi and Paris?" "Not happening, boss." "No connection." "It was too good to last." "Sat for an English exam, the questions came in French." "Had to fail." "Falling in love is like investing in mutual funds." "We think they'll pay dividends when they mature." "But we don't think: "Mutual funds are subject to market risks."" ""Read the offer document carefully before investing." Otherwise... it's breakup." "Breakups are a pain in the..." "When a boy gets dumped... his mates get busy perfecting the vanishing act." "The married guys are busy with their wives." "You married?" " Yes." " It shows." "The single guys are busy at work." "When a girl goes through a breakup, that's another ball game." "Hi, Shyra." "Heard about your breakup." "You ok?" "I'm ok." "No sweat." "I'm on my way to work." "I'll call later." "Hi, Shyra." "I heard the news." "Are you ok?" "It's ok." "Guess it wasn't meant to be." "Hi, Shyra." "I heard what happened last night." " You ok?" " I'm all right." "I'm not depressed." "Not drinking, I'm not planning to kill myself." "Busy at work." "I'll call you later." "Welcome to Paris Sidewalk Tours." "One of the most romantic bridges in Paris" " Pont des Arts." "It's famously called "The Love Lock Bridge."" "There were over a million padlocks here a year ago." "Couples pledged their love with a signed padlock... then they'd throw the key into the river." "They believed that their love, like the padlocks... would stay locked forever." "A year ago the city authorities removed all the love locks... because the weight was weakening the bridge." "Now padlocks are banned." "Even the world's most romantic city understood that... few can carry the weight of love." "We stop here for 15 minutes." "So if anybody wants to click photos, please do." "The only way to avoid the sting of a breakup... is never to fall in love's trap." "If you don't hook up, you won't break up." "The wisest of the wise haven't escaped from hooking up." "So how could a fool like me stay free?" " A poem!" " Please..." "Thank you!" "A guy called Dharam came to Paris..." "Bravo!" ""A guy called Dharam came to make Parisians laugh out loud."" ""A girl stripped him so bare..."" ""All he's now left with is his underwear."" "(AUDIENCE APPLAUSE)" "One year ago" "9 rue Théodule Ribot?" "What an address!" "Welcome to Paris, Dharam." "Hi, I'm Natalie." "You are Dharma, right?" "Dharam!" "No "a" at the end." "Sorry." "Come with me." "So this is your room, window opens to the church." "(CHURCH BELLS)" "I love Jesus." "Bathroom - just one." "You and I using same." "Great." "Superb, Natalie-jee!" "So you have butter, eggs, fruit." "Coffee, tea." "Everything you need." "So just please yourself, ok?" "Catch you later." "Yes!" "Paradise at last!" "How are you?" "Good, darling." "This is my girlfriend, Naomi." "Naomi..." "Dharma." "Bonjour!" "You're terrific, Mehra." "The flat's paradise." "The ultimate!" "Don't need Internet." "I've got free live shows." "Very nice people, the French." "Forget about caste!" "They don't differentiate between boys from girls." "What a culture!" "I love the French." "Started your old tricks?" "You're here to work, not to enjoy Paris." "If your jokes go limp, next flight home for you, boy." "Relax, Mehra!" "Since college my jokes made you double up." "Now no confidence in your bro?" "Your bro's not out of gas." "I'm pure kick ass!" "I'll make your Delhi Belly the No.1 Paris bar, or change my name." "That's why I spent mucho euros jetting you here." "Pull in all the Indians of Paris with your comedy nights... then we'll print money!" "Ok, Mr Slumdog Millionaire... print and mint we will." "But first tell me where's the hottest bar in Paris." "Dharam, tomorrow's your first show..." "Mehra, my love." "For the show to rock tomorrow..." "Dharam needs to rock today!" "(KISSING SOUND)" "So sorry." "François, water." "Quick!" "Thank you." " You're a lifesaver, François." " No worries." " Buy you a drink?" " Thanks, not drinking today." "Vodka?" "Bacardi?" "Petrol?" "Jägerbomb?" "No French, eh?" " Indian?" " I'm French." "Parents Indian." "Sorry." "Thought French might score." "I've tried for hours." "No luck." "In desperation I tried French." "Now that's quite honest." "I'm impressed." "See, for something like that, my friend, I'm buying." "What are you having?" "François, the same." "Two." "Come on up." " I'm Shyra." " Dharam." "So Desperate Dharam... scan the lovelies." "Who catches your eye?" "My eyes are stuck on you, they won't unstick." "Ah!" "That's sweet but it's not gonna work." " Not into Indian guys." " I can understand." "Not into Indian guys either." "They smell of fenugreek." "Wicked sense of humour!" "Not bad, impressed again." " Are we doing this or not?" " Come!" "Yeah." "Show me the girl you fancy." "I'll tell you your chances." "Choosy, aren't we?" "No one?" "They're all gorgeous." "But I'm stuck on you." "No one else will do." "Thank you for helping me out." "One drink with you is enough for me." "You'll ditch me soon." "So till then, let's enjoy the moment." "Cheers!" "Everybody, get ready for the chicken wings contest!" "(CROWD CHEERING)" "The winner of the chicken wings contest gets... free food and drinks for a year!" "Now you're talking!" "I dare you!" "You win, I party with you." "Is that so?" "Delhi folk can be weak in matters of the heart, but not in dares." "You're on." "Ok." "Here's a player!" "(WHISTLE SOUND)" "Your smile is bewitching." "I'm crazy about you." "Desire takes me over." "Your voice melts me." "The girl's like a heady drink." "Like a soaring kite cutting another." "She reeled me in, no time to cut loose." "Like a lofty kite, a dervish entranced." "In a flash I was high." "Like a shock wave, a search warrant." "Like a secret download." "The girl's like a heady drink." "Like a soaring kite cutting another." "Like new spring, like a clean slate." "Like cement filling the cracks." "Like sparring sexy eyes." "Hitting the jackpot at last." "Her name is all over my lips." "She runs in my veins." "Like a crazy tale, she's wild youth." "Like ice melting through your fingers." "Like a river flowing, mischief smiling." "Like a favour that's big trouble." "She reeled me in, no time to cut loose." "The girl's like a heady drink." "Like a kite cutting another." "Like a kite flying over rooftops." "Crossing the crossroads of my heart." "Smiling she wanders, she roams." "She grabs my heart." "Your smile is bewitching." "I'm crazy about you." "Desire takes me over." "Your voice melts me." "Leaving?" "Party's over, back to real life." "Without my number, how will you call when you miss me?" "Cute!" "(LAUGHS)" "You know I recently broke up." "Wanna be single for a bit." "Wasn't looking to hook up last night... but your goofy lines, your sexy dance moves got me." "I just let go." "So no phone calls, please." "Leave me your number." "Don't know a soul in Paris." "If I get molested or mugged, I could call you for help." "One minute." "An Indian has a duty to help another Indian." "Shyra!" "Where's your patriotism?" "(DOOR SLAMS)" "So, she didn't like what you had?" "What to do?" "She also likes girls." "I'm going back to India." "What is this?" " Cornflakes." " I hate cornflakes." "Hello, hi." "Can you tell me which cornflake is this?" "Follow me." " Here." " So many?" "Madam!" "You don't understand." "My ex is crazy." "She takes out the cornflakes from the box, puts in a jar... throws away the box." "I don't know the name of this cornflake." "I can't have breakfast without it." "My favourite!" "Please tell me which one?" " Sorry, we don't have this one." " Did you have to eat it?" "My last cornflake!" "Now what?" " Anything else?" " Poison?" "Special present for you." "Run, baby, run!" "Narrow escape, sonny." "Almost bowled out." "The witch has special powers." "She sprouts up out of the air." "Time to chill, sonny." "Hiding from me?" "It's you!" "What brings you here?" "Sorry, I didn't see you." "How are you?" "Mehra was asking after you, call him sometime." "Cut it out, Dharam." "Politeness doesn't suit Delhi boys." "And you don't have to run when you see me." "I thought if we spoke, you'd get a flashback of our past." "Look at me!" "Think I'm the flashback type?" "If we bump into each other again, can I say hi?" "Just hi!" "Put them in a jar, they spoil in the box." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Who's single tonight, besides me?" "(CROWD CHEERING)" "Bravo!" "A beer from the singles for the unlucky hooked-up guys." "(LAUGHING)" "When you're single again... every girl looks appealing." "But the girls may not find you appealing." "Only one rule to avoid being single." "Never give up!" "(COUPLE GROANING)" "Alcohol is not the only cure." "There are healthier options:" "Gardens, parks." "There's an old saying: "You make girls laugh and they're yours."" "I say: "Make kids happy, their Mummys are yours."" "Especially single mums." "Antoine Griezmann!" "Come, careful." "Papa's here for the night." " Papa!" " He's not your Papa." " You all right?" " Yeah." " Hi." "Dharam." " Hi." "Marie." " Nice to meet you." " Me, too." "I can see where he gets his smile." "Thank you very much." "My pleasure." "Long live Mummy love!" "I love Indian food, Indian music, everything about India." "I'm the most Indian thing you'll find in Paris." "100% pure Indian." "Exotic like jungle boy Mowgli." "Like to see Incredible India?" "Tonight!" "Tonight." "At your service, madame." "Chin-chin." "Here's the menu." "Good evening." "(WINE SPILLS)" "I'm so sorry." "Should I show you the men's room?" "I'll be right back." " Where?" " This way, please." "Why did you screw up my date?" "Zip up your jealousy." "We broke up 6 months ago." "Have you lost it, Dharam?" "Couldn't you find another restaurant?" "How did I know you switched from guide to waitress?" " It's Sunday night." " So?" "I help my parents on Sundays." "Remember?" " Is this your Dad's restaurant?" " Thought I flipped seeing your date?" " Wasn't it the "Indian Summer?"" " Name change." "But why?" "It was doing ok." " The chutney was bland, but..." " That's not... the point." "Goddammit!" "If my parents see you here on a date, they'll freak out." "Our breakup still upsets them." "Indian parents are too sentimental." "Baby, what about table 18?" "(HUMMING TO HIMSELF)" "Bless me, uncle." "Bless me, auntie." " He came to apologize?" " No, Mum." "He's on a date." "On a date?" "Scumbag!" "I could shove a skewer up his..." "Bad service, bad restaurant, my bad." "I'm a bad boy, punish me." "Let's go." " This is our specialty." " Thank you." "You maybe my ex, but you've no right to run Dad's restaurant down." " It's delicious." " Thank you." "So you mean... you have no problem with me eating here?" "I mean my ex serving my new girlfriend?" "No." "You really are French." "Always was." " I'm Shyra." " Delighted." "I'm Marie." " We lived together ages ago." " I see." "Shyra and me are good friends." "Old friends." "Don't overdo it." "She knows you're my ex." "And, we were never friends." "We were lovers and they can't be friends." "Spoken like a true Delhi boy!" "Some free advice?" "Don't lay it on too thick." "I told her you can't last long." "So typical of you!" "Breaking up has fried her brains." "She's jealous, ignore her." "How's the kebab?" "The witch must have spat on it." "Chin-chin!" "(GLASS CLINKING)" "Good morning, guys!" "We start our tour in the Tuileries Garden." "As you can see..." "It lies between Place de la Concorde and the Louvre." "Catherine of Medici built the Tuileries Palace in 1564." "France's famous cultural hub." "It became a public garden after the French revolution." "It's a very famous tourist spot." "Wow." "Slow down!" "Love it!" " This is the Arc de Triomphe." " Paris's India Gate." "This is one of the most important lanes." " Home to many celebs." " Like Delhi's Vasant Vihar." "The Notre Dame, the world's most famous cathedral." "Wow!" "There's a beautiful story about the Notre Dame." "A beautiful story." "The love story of Esmeralda and Quasimodo." "Beautiful." "Happy honeymoon." "Thank you." "I'll be off, auntie." "See you!" "Lovely." "Bye!" "Hello, hello." "Is our meeting a random event?" "Or is God trying to unite lovers who were made for each other?" "You honestly didn't know I worked here?" "How the hell would I know!" "We're not in India where two people can get lost... and never meet again." "Actually, I begged barman François to lead me to you." "You're forever blurting out the truth." "It makes you seem cute." "But I am cute." "Try your cuteness elsewhere." "I'm not in that headspace." "Not looking for any space in your head." "Just one night, some drinks, some dancing, some..." "No!" "You'll fall in love with me." "It'll get complicated." "Are you crazy?" "Beyond me why people fall into the love trap." "Total time waste." "Don't be a bore." "One night..." "If you don't have a good time, I won't show my face again." "Promise!" "(CHURCH BELLS)" " Ok." " Ok." "See that cop?" "Yeah." "Slap him hard." "I'll go out on a date with you." "(LAUGHS)" "You don't want to date me, it's ok." "But I'm no suicide bomber." "I want to date you." "But are you worth my time?" "He's a bloody cop." "I'll get deported." "Life's a bitch." "You're psycho, right?" "If I die, I won't spare you." "(SLAPS)" "Run!" "(LAUGHS)" "(BREATHLESS)" "Carefree hearts fly free." "Like sparks rising from embers." "Swinging all night long." "Touching the blue sky." "Kissing the moon." "Circling the stars." "Carefree hearts fly free." "Like sparks rising from embers." "Hearts beating." "Pulse racing - breathless." "Eyes sparkling when they meet." "Faltering, fluttering." "Fumbling - breathless." "Hands trembling when they meet." "Rolling the dice." "Gambling with hearts." "Rolling the dice." "Gambling with hearts." "Carefree hearts fly free." "Like sparks rising from embers." "There's no holding them back." "They swim in the deep end." "Caring not if they win or lose." "Caring not if they sink or swim." "Reigning in emotions... is chasing clouds." "Desires are the whims of souls." "Carefree hearts fly free." "Like sparks rising from embers." "(STIRRING TEA)" "Look, son..." "We know what it means if a daughter brings a boy home." "Parents know." "She knows all about Shyra's boyfriends." "We don't question her." "This is Paris after all, not Patiala." "Son, are your parents in Delhi?" "Auntie, Mum's a housewife, Dad was in the army." "I'm so sorry, son." "Why not call your mother?" "Let's fix the wedding date." "Relax, Mum." "He's not proposing." "Then?" "He's helping me to move out." "Moving out?" "Where to?" " Are you leaving Paris?" " No." "Dharam and I have so little time together." "He has his stand-up at nights, and I work all day." "His roommates are moving out." "It's just more practical." "All good?" "Meaning?" "You'll live together?" "Out of wedlock?" "Auntie, you see... if we live together, we'll find out if we're a good fit." "She's my daughter, not a free yoga class." "Papa, I'm not asking for permission, I'm just letting you know." "No scenes." "We're 10 mins away." "It's not like a marriage, just a live-in." "I think we better go." "Just a live-in?" "Bless me, uncle." "Bless me, auntie." "Paying respect?" "In Paris?" "Why did you touch their feet?" "Didn't want them to think you're living with a jerk." "Had to reassure them." "You overdid it." "Now they're waiting for the wedding." "Can you blame them?" "Living with a guy for the first time, it's a biggish deal." "We're never getting married." "Ever." "I know!" "Relax." "Think I'm dying to get married?" "Stop the car!" "Stop the car." "On the side." "(CAR BRAKES)" " In the middle of the road..." " Shut up!" " We want to live together?" " Absolutely!" "Are we an uncool couple... who call each other silly names - honey, sweetie?" "Never!" "Why won't we say silly things like "I love you?"" "'Cos it turns all emotional, sentimental." "End of fun times." "Perfect." "Let's move in." "I dare you!" "Now." "Right now, right here." "You're on!" "Dharam!" "Dharam!" "Open the door." "Where's the fire?" "My game..." "It stinks!" "Oh my God." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "(DOOR OPENS)" " What is it?" "The lights?" " Where's my charger?" "Lights off!" "I've an early start." "Bloody lights off!" "Damn it." " Are you insane?" " You're too much!" "Shyra, get up, help me." "The cleaner has the same phone." "She took it." "(CURTAINS DRAWING)" "Who's that?" "What are you doing?" "Shut that music!" "I came home at 3." "Is this revenge for the other night?" "So immature." "Music off!" "Or else..." "You evil witch!" "Good morning!" "I hope you have a crap day!" " The keys?" " You had them." "You're kidding me?" "The house keys?" " Look at the size of this bag." " Do I have the keys at night?" "You know what, just check it." "Let's check it." " Shut up!" " You shut up." "Honey, I'm home." "Mehra took me to a great place." "We ate like pigs." "Have an acidity attack." "Expecting guests?" " I told you I was cooking tonight." " Wasn't that on Thursday?" "Today is Thursday." "(PLATE SMASHING)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Yeah?" "Hi!" "You well?" "All good?" "Mummy, Papa doing well?" "Sorry." "Am I disturbing?" "Didn't I say?" "Politeness doesn't suit you." "What's up?" "I'm at the police station." "Mehra is in Delhi." "Who could I call but you?" " Which station?" " Place Dauphine." "Coming." "Could you bring 500 euros?" "(SIGHS)" "Money coming!" "10 minutes." "Don't hit me." " Is that it?" "Can we go?" " Yes." "You can go." "Very well." "Thank you." "I paid the fine." "Collect your car tomorrow." "See you tomorrow." "The car..." "Merci." "No thanks?" "(FOOTSTEPS)" "Thanks." "I'll return your money tomorrow." "If they catch you driving drunk again, licence cancelled." "I know." "How come your wallet was stolen?" "My date ran away with it." " She just left with your wallet?" " Yeah." "(LAUGHING)" " Oh God, Dharam, you're unbelievable." " She was classy and hot." "She didn't look a criminal." "How come you're all alone on a Saturday night?" "Just..." "I am enjoying being on my own these days." "No boyfriend?" "What can I do, Dharma?" "Since you left, my heart beats for no one." "But I have a new girlfriend every week." "Is that so?" "You started much later than me." "You need a lot of catching up to become a slut like me." "I'm sorry, Shyra." "I shouldn't have said all that stuff the day we broke up." "I was judging you 'cos I lacked experience." "Totally uncool." "I wanted to apologise right away." "But I was so mad." "I'm sorry." "Forgive me." "When did you grow up, Dharma?" "The day you left me, Ma!" "Since you left, I haven't peed with the toilet seat up." "The remotes are in one place." "I wash up before I sleep." "Make the bed every day." "And there's not a single empty milk carton in the fridge." "Wow!" " Should I come back?" " Come." "I dare you!" "Actually, you know what." "Breaking up has reformed us." "You've learned how to say sorry, I've stopped partying." "At least something good has come out of it." "But you gotta admit, it was fun while it lasted." "Too much fun." "Shyra?" "Hi, Mum." "Hi, Papa." "Late night at the restaurant?" "Bless me, uncle." "Bless me, auntie." "Good night." "Thank you." "Are you back together?" "No, Mum." "Modern relationships!" "You're too old to get it." "Don't stress." "Let's go in." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "(CLUB MUSIC)" "So, Jasmine!" "I tried dating you for a year, how come I got lucky today?" "'Cos my boyfriend is a cheating moron." "Today's my birthday." "My turn to cheat." "I chose you 'cos you're frivolous." "You're cool with this, right?" "Right, right." "So happy freaking birthday to me!" "One more." "(PHONE RINGS)" "Your moron?" "For the 100th time." " No way am I taking him back." " Absolutely not." "Why should you?" "11th December?" "Sagittarian?" "My first Delhi girlfriend was a Sagitt..." "Is today the eleventh?" "May I borrow your phone?" "Urgent call." "(PHONE RINGING)" " Hello." " Today is the 11th." "Whose cell is that?" "Long story, not important." "December 11, remember?" "I remember 9/11." "What's with 12/11?" "A bigger crisis than 9/11..." "our breakup." "You called to tell me this?" "C'mon, Shyra, it's our breakup anniversary." "People celebrate birthdays, wedding anniversaries... so can't we celebrate our breakup?" "I really don't have time for this stupidity." "I am on the night shift." "You finish at 9.30." "See you at the Pont des Arts at 10." "No way." "Are you scared?" "Still haunted by flashbacks of me?" "You wish!" "I've an early start." "Must go." "Dare you!" "I'll see you at 10." "All right, people." "Trocadero is to your left." "If anyone wants a selfie, move to this side." "Hello." "Sidharth?" "Jasmine is at the Pink Flamingos, bawling her eyes out for you." "Get over here now." "Me?" "I'm your lucky charm." " What's this new drama, Dharam?" " No drama, just a goodbye." "We were together for a year." "Ours was a Titanic - type love story." "But the end was bad Bollywood." "Hasty, imperfect." "Now that we've both moved on..." "You have, right?" "Or do you still have the hots for me?" "To celebrate the joy of moving on, here we are... a year later, saying 'bye in style." "Let's celebrate our breakup anniversary." "Damn it!" "What's the plan?" " Whatever you want." " That's a first." "You said that I've grown up now." " Shall we go to Montmartre?" " No." "The soft breeze, the stars, the silent night... then you'll bore me with your life's woes." "Can't do it." "There's a new nightclub in the Marais." "A nightclub?" "You'll get drunk on vodka, dance on the table... start a brawl and then we'll get kicked out." "You've got a point." "Drive to Lyon?" "I was driving all day." "Besides, only one of us can drink." "Oh no!" "Today we have a drinking contest." "Long drive cancelled." "Want to see Salman's new film at the Metro?" "I've seen enough Hindi films to please you." "Now that I'm your ex, I can pass on those macho stunts." "Ok." "Let's see something French and artsy." "The last time you got worked up in the sex scenes." "Can't do that now." " I don't trust you." " I don't trust me either." "Let's hang out in your favourite park." "There'll be couples making out everywhere." "We'd look like fools." "Is there no place in Paris where we can chat... peacefully without romancing?" " Have we grown old?" " You sure have." "A little." "Very funny." "So basically there's nothing we can do together." "Or have we done everything already?" " We parted at the perfect time." " Perfect." "Your breakup anniversary is a bad flop." "No way!" "I'll be right back." "You won't leave?" "I've already left." "Forgotten?" "Will you marry me?" "Yes, you moron." "(SINGING, BOTTLES CLINKING)" "One thing we haven't done together." "Drink beer?" " Padlocks are for lovers." " I know." "They're banned here." "Do we the carefree bother about bans?" "No way!" "I was in jail once, thanks to you." " Enough." " Listen." "This bridge was witness to the start of love." "Today it will see an end." "Let's clip the padlock to the bridge, throw the key in the Seine... and promise never to fall in love with each other again." "Good idea?" "The boy is older and smarter." " Let's do it." " Let's do it!" "Lock." "Yeah!" "(LAUGHS)" "Look at that." " There!" " My master." "Bless you." "(THROWS KEY INTO RIVER)" "Congrats on your breakup!" "Miss Shyra Gill... why did our love story flop?" "Because it wasn't a love story, it was a lust story." "You mean we were lovers of lust?" "Exactly!" "We were in lust." "But we mistook it for love." "Before we got to know each other, we started bickering about nothing." "If we were friends first, we'd be more forgiving of our flaws." "Then our love would have had a better chance." "So what are we now?" "I mean, we're not lovers?" "Not enemies?" "So, who am I to you?" "I think now we're friends." "Friends?" "You mean..." "So I'm my ex-girlfriend's friend?" "You made me French finally." "Ok, Mr Frenchy, let's see what you've got." "Come on." "(GULPING DRINK)" "Wet shoes flung about." "It's you and me." "No coffee in the coffee jar." "It's you and me." "That silly umbrella never opens." "It's you and me." "That window never closes." "It's you and me." "Our life is topsy-turvy like our friendship." "Upside down but seems right side up." "We shop and no taxi in sight." "It's you and me." "We walk, shoe strap snaps." "It's you and me." "The traffic is at standstill." "It's you and me." "The bus takes ages to show." "You and me." "When the path ahead seems thorny... or changes shape and size... or feels just like a swamp." "Smile!" "Spread your arms wide, breathe in the fresh air." "It's free!" "Wandering sailors, lost mariners... ever-ready to sail the rough seas, turning the tide as we go." "A little nuts, a little wise, we're old-time sinners, lovers of life." "Stumbling along the path." "It's you and me." "Smiling through life." "It's you and me." "Frozen and melting." "It's you and me." "Done and undone." "It's you and me." "Our life is topsy-turvy like our friendship." "Upside down but seems right side up." "(PHONE RINGS)" " Yeah?" " What's up?" "Getting ready." " Meet me downstairs." " Where are we going?" "It's Friday night, babe!" "Deadpool 2 released today." "I completely forgot." "So why were you dolling up?" "I have a date." "You have a... what?" "Kim's idea." "He works in her office." "I finally agreed." "Why not?" "Hell, no!" "Shyra, who can I go with?" "Make an excuse and cancel." "I'm not in the mood, but if I cancel now, it'd be rude." "You had to chose tonight to go on a date." "Who's the loser?" "He's not a loser." "A hotshot investment banker." "If he's dating you, he gotta be a loser." "He'll bore you to bits." "He works at Citibank." "Kim's boss." "She thinks he's perfect for me." "Have a glass of wine and send him packing." "(SIGHS)" " I was silly saying yes." " Think community service." "Take him to a bar." "I'll call you in 10 minutes." "Say there's an emergency, a friend is in hospital." "Bye bye banker." "Not a bad idea." "Where will you be?" "What if he sees you?" "Ms Dumbo, how will he know me?" "I'll be at the bar." "(DOOR BELL)" " He's here." " No, it's me." "Bonsoir!" "Bonsoir!" "No laundry today, thanks." "Give me two minutes." "Hi!" " Where to?" " Wherever." "It's only for one drink." "In fact, I can't have a late night either." "Have an early start." "And you might get a call from a friend." "Hospital... emergency." " Ok, bye." "I'll see you guys later." " Aren't you coming with us?" " It's Friday." "I'm fasting." " Think community service." "Guys, relax, it's cool." "I'm Anay, the boring banker." "I'm sorry." ""Sorry?"" "Never heard that name before." "Your parents must've thought hard." " Shyra." " Hi, Shyra." "Dharam." "Call me whatever you want." "I deserve punishment." "Your punishment?" "You'll party with this boring banker." "There's a karaoke bar in Belleville." "A Bollywood night." "You guys sing well?" "No?" "Perfect." "I'm a lousy singer too." "Let's go." "Guys, guys, guys!" "That's me." " Don't go." " Have to, man." "Thank you so much." "I had a blast." "Brought back my college days." " It's lovely meeting you, Shyra." " Ditto." "Dharam, my brother!" "You're a rock star." "Sorry for screwing up your date." "Thanks to you, I serenaded a girl for the first time ever... and a lovely one, too." "No date could be as memorable." "Thank you, my friend." "Good night." "He's not going to look back." "Waiting for someone to look back is so 90s." "I was just checking out his ass." "Cute, no?" "Really?" "I partied after a year." "I had a blast." "The banker is a cool guy." "Cool, decent and fun." "A rare combination." "Come to think of it, he's everything you wanted me to be." "Hook him!" "He was my date, but you're the one swooning." "Ok." "You stay cool." "But if he throws you a line, grab it." "I'm done with hooking up, breaking up." "I want to stop." "Be still." "Stay in one place." "You're scaring me." "I'm scared too." "I feel as though I've finally grown up." "Don't want to be stupid anymore." "So when will I get this "grown up" feeling?" "Not in this lifetime for sure." "But don't lose heart." "Guys like you are assured a rebirth to repent for all your sins." " You've sinned more than me, witch." " But I paid up being with you." "Now I get it." "So all the boyfriends before me were your "sins."" "And I, your "atonement." Anay, your "reward."" "Exactly!" "I don't believe it." "I'm your "atonement?"" " That's worse than "sin."" " Get over it!" "Walk home alone." "Hope you're mugged." "(DOG BARKING)" "Shyra, wait!" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Bonjour." "Paris Sidewalks." "Can I help you?" "May I speak to singer Sunidhi Chauhan?" "Pardon?" "Singer Sonu Nigam here." "Anay!" "You remember my name." "That's a good sign." "I had a good time last night." "Your pal Dharam is nuts." "He's mad." "He has a crush on you too." "If you want to avoid me, give me his number..." "I'll try my luck with him." "Seriously, Shyra, I really like you." "If you don't think I'm an avoidable boring banker, let me take you out next week." "Next month?" "How about next year?" "Tonight?" "Tonight?" "I can't." "I have a date." "I'm sorry." "I'm kidding!" "Pick you up at 8." "Ok." "(FOOTBALL MATCH, TV)" "Off to Disneyland?" "Yes?" "Looks hot?" "Did someone die?" "(GASPS)" "Hello!" "Meeting in a restaurant?" "Or booked a hotel room?" " Idiot." " Please change." "Perfect!" "Enjoy!" "So, did you have sex?" " Dharam, it was our first date." " So what?" "On our first date you shook the Eiffel Tower." " That's why we're just friends today." " Oh, this is the forever guy." "Is that why you're playing goody-goody with Mr Banker?" " Shut up." " Did you kiss?" "He's a gentleman, not a pervert like you." "What a loser!" "So you just whispered sweet nothings in his ear?" "How sweet!" "You're giving me diabetes." "Oh, get lost." "The girl who fell into my cornflakes... (OPERA, SINGING)" "Every time I go to the opera, it feels like the first time." "I can't explain it but..." "Am I boring you?" "Not at all." "You know so much about the opera." "In fact, if you hadn't explained, it would've bored me." "I like you, Shyra." "I really like you." "So no kissy-wissy last night?" "No." "I hope this banker isn't gay?" "You better find out." "You're finally serious about a guy... don't want you crying on my shoulder, wetting my t-shirt." " He's not gay." " How do you know?" "You would know." "You have a lifetime of experience." "So it's the opera every Friday?" "What about our Friday movie night?" "That's damn gay." "That's very rude." " Not you!" "A movie?" "Friday night?" " Don't think so." "You want ball?" "(MUSIC, RECORD STORE)" "Anay, my man." "Dharam, my man." "Am I disturbing?" "I have a rule." "Never work so much that a friend could disturb you." "Nice." "Need a favour." "Can you gatecrash my date again?" "Of course." "That's my specialty." "When and where?" "I have a yacht in Cannes." "I'd like Shyra to come for the weekend." "Come with us, it'll be fun." "And Shyra will feel more comfortable." "You must have a special friend." "Bring her too." "Of course, of course." "My special friend and I'll be there." "Great!" "I'll text you the time and place." "Awesome!" "You like French music?" "I like French girls who like French music." "Baby, I love your skin." "So nice and silky!" "You're French rasmalai." " You know "rasmalai?"" " No." "Like mille-feuille." "(WOWING)" "New bikini for new boyfriend?" "Your Miss Playboy is here, so I'd better put up a good fight." "Hot, no?" " Do you ever talk or just..." " I have you for talking." "Oh, yeah." "Right." "I have only one life." "Can't blow it talking." "Guys, ice-lollies." "Cool!" "Give me one." "Baby, want an ice-lolly?" "I can't." "I have a Vogue shoot on Monday." "A Vogue shoot on Monday?" "Poor girl." "She's a model." "I'll take both." " Come!" " I don't know how to swim, baby." "Hey, Shyra." "Can you please explain to her in French?" " Come on!" "It's only a Jet Ski." " Dharam, I'll save you." "(WATER SPLASHING)" "(GROANING)" "Mama..." "I hope you're not bored with the boring banker." "'Cos the banker is bored stiff." "Good night, Shyra." "I better go." "(DOOR OPENS)" "Oh, what a gentleman." "(SQUEALING)" "Round 2." "What an idiot!" "(CAR DOOR OPENS)" ""Shyra, please meet me at 8 at the top of the Eiffel Tower."" ""Something very important."" ""Wear that blue dress I bought you." "Please."" ""Love you." "See you there."" "Shyra, I live in the modern world but I'm old-fashioned." "I follow the traditional path when taking life decisions." "Oxford-educated, work in an old finance company and now... romancing at the top of the Eiffel Tower." "I know it's a cliché." "But it's classic... and beautiful... just like you." "I know it's the live-in age." "Couples try it out before the big leap." "But I don't need time to choose my life partner." "I'm a banker, so I know a good investment when I see one." "So Miss Shyra Gill... will you marry me?" "WITCH." "(PHONE RINGING)" "Can't talk, call tomorrow." "Meet me at the Place des Vosges." "Shyra, I'm in a highly sensitive position right now." "Can't leave." "I don't care, Dharam Gulati." "15 minutes!" "(FOUNTAIN WATER GUSHING)" "If it's anything less than cancer, I'll kill you myself." "I sacrificed the hottest moment of my life for you." " Anay has proposed to me." " Proposed, as in...?" "Marriage?" "Do you think I'm a girl someone can spend a lifetime with?" "I don't know why I'm asking you." "No one has spent as much time with me as you." "Never lived with anyone else." "Never felt scared getting into a relationship before." "Didn't believe any relationship was forever." "But a marriage is forever, right?" "I have often failed in love," "I don't want to fail at marriage." "I'll tell you a little secret." "This forever kind of love is an idea you girls are born with." "And you'd just have to wait for the right guy to show up." "But till now you've only met lusty fools like me." "Can you think "forever?"" "Now the right guy has finally shown up." "Don't over-think." "Anay is perfect for you." "And he couldn't dream of a better life-partner." "It's Dharam's guarantee!" "You're 24-hour entertainment." "He'll never get bored." "Just say yes." "No chance you'll fail." "I can't believe..." "I'm asking you for advice in making my biggest decision." "(LAUGHING)" " I'll be finished." " Not really." "You'll just get fat." "You'll walk in the park with a milk bottle in one hand... a pram in the other." "What a life!" "I'm kidding!" "You'll be just fine." "Mr. Citibank will keep you happy." "Open your account with him." "Marriage!" "Intense." "It's forever, like a tattoo." " Thank you." " Thank you?" "I needed reassurance from someone who knows me." "You're welcome, Ma." "(LAUGHING)" "If I die, I won't spare you." "Don't." "I'll be right here." "It's final?" "We'll never say I love you, right?" " Right." " Cool." "How do you say: "Never say I love you" in French?" ""Ne dis jamais je t'aime." Ah!" "So sexy!" "Never say I love you, never say je t'aime." "Never say you're in love." "Never say je t'aime." "Your heart will desert you... go easy on yourself." "You won't sleep at nights... go easy on yourself." "Never say I love you, never say je t'aime." "Never say you're in love." "Never say je t'aime." "You'll end up weeping, losing your friend too." "Don't." "No, don't say those words." "Why sleep on a bed of thorns for no reason?" "Don't." "No, don't say those words." "Your breath will freeze on your lips." "I promise you." "You'll be all tied up in knots... go easy on yourself." "Never say I love you, never say je t'aime." "Don't." "No, don't say those words." "A girl calls you 24/7." "Shall I buy this phone?" "You advise." "What to wear?" "You suggest." "Her car breaks down - you fix it." "Meaning... her life cannot function without you." "She's the heroine, you her hero." "Then one fine day... another guy enters her life." "You realise that... the real hero is another man." "You're the supporting act, the side hero." "(MAN LAUGHING)" "Uncle, looks like you've been there." "You've probably played many supporting roles too." "Let's raise a toast to that." "Cheers to side heroes!" "Cheers, my boy!" "(CLUB MUSIC)" "(CROWD APPLAUDES)" "Anay and Shyra!" "Wow!" "You've become Shah Rukh Khan!" "Where the hell have you been?" "No call, no message." "I was going nuts, wedding shopping alone." "Sorry." "I was in Courchevel with Christine's family." "Skiing." "No network." " Christine has a family?" " A massive one!" "Two brothers, two fathers." "All footballers." "By the way..." "Very soon a new member is joining her family." "What?" "Yeah!" "I'm marrying Christine." "You, what?" "She doesn't know yet." "I'll surprise her when the moment's right." "Had to tell you first." "(MURMURS)" "One doesn't just get married." "Think about it." "You have nothing in common." "You're not thinking from your head, but from elsewhere!" "Wow!" "You decide from head and heart." "Me?" "From elsewhere!" "Remember you asked for advice about Anay." "I was so happy for you!" " But you?" " Don't imagine I took your advice." " It was my decision." " And this is mine." "Stop it, Dharam." "Big difference between Anay and Christine." "Christine is probably a nice girl, but she's not right for you." "You need someone to balance you." "Someone who can can control your immaturity." "She is half-crazy too, how will she handle you?" "I know you very well." "You're not ready for marriage." "You're definitely not marrying her." "Got it?" "I get it." "You get what?" "Nothing." " You laughing at me?" " No." "I'm laughing at me." "It's crystal clear." "What's clear?" "You're not over me." "You're still not over me." "That's why you can't bear to see me with someone else." "You can't bear me settling down." "'Cos it reminds you of your own shortcomings." "And what you lack that stops me from marrying you." "I get it." "First you broke my heart as a lover." "Now you're breaking it as a friend." "It's good." "Finally it's over between us." "You can't hurt me anymore." "You know what." "Do whatever." "(SHRIEKING)" "What?" "I'll be back in a minute." "Ladies and gentlemen," "Shyra's best friend Dharam has just proposed to beautiful Christine." "Join me in raising a toast to this wonderful surprise!" "My man, fix the date now." "We're getting married on the same day as you." "Same time, same place?" "Done?" "Done!" "Everyone, you're no longer invited to the Anay and Shyra wedding." "You're invited to a double wedding." "The Dharam and Christine..." "Anay and Shyra wedding on 21 April in exclusive Picardie." "(CROWD APPLAUDES)" "Why did Christine bring bodyguards?" "They're not bodyguards." "They're her footballer brothers and Dads... her mother is behind them." "Christine's brother is such a gentleman, so loving." " Like an Indian son, not very French." " That's Christine's stepfather." "Don't drink with them." "They love whacking their drinking pals." "End of you." "That group is Anay's banker friends." "Highly educated, very rich." "Keep away, out of your league." "(CRIES OF DELIGHT)" "They're Shyra's friends." "Hard figuring out who is straight or who is gay." "So protect your family jewels." "Stay away." "So must I just say bonjour-merci and run?" "No silly jokes, please." "You're my only guest." "I have a reputation to protect." " Must I wear a burqa?" " Yeah!" "You'll look slimmer." "Hi, guys!" "Why the hell is Shyra marrying?" "If I knew, I'd be an expert on women." "Why are you getting married?" "If I knew, I'd be an expert on life." "Maybe she's marrying for the same reason you are." "Hello, darling!" " So you're a Kamasutra expert?" " Learn from me." "Jogi, don't you feel like a guest at a neighbour's wedding?" "If we were in India, shehnais would be playing." "There'd be a dessert counter there, laden with goodies." "And the drums would be playing." "We raised her as a French girl." "Why cry now?" "Sip your champagne." "Calm your nerves." "I feel like giving her a hard slap." "And bring her up all over again, in full Indian style." "You're silly." "We don't bring up kids anymore." "They bring us up." "Bless me!" "Mehra has ordered Indian snacks." "The waiter will serve you hot chai." "We'll make do with champagne." "No way, sir." "My guests must enjoy my style." " Are you ok?" " Tip top!" "Doesn't it show?" "Shows too much." "That's what worries me." "I can smell pakodas." "I'll be right back." "This rascal made Shyra's life hell." "Did Shyra behave any better?" "Two nuts off the same tree." "Maybe that's why I could never dislike him." " I'm sorry." " It's ok." "The real problem is Shyra can't really dislike him either." " It's piping hot." " Thank you." "Shall I get you a napkin?" " Are you sure?" " It's fine." "Remember my crazy friend Chris?" " He wants to meet you." " Really?" "Good evening, everyone!" "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Sangeet night." "In India, no wedding is complete without this musical night." "Traditionally, it's a battle between the boy's side and the girl's." "Tonight it's Dharam vs. Shyra." "All right!" "We've seen their crazy anytime- anywhere dancing." "Tonight they'll be dancing together for one last time." "So put your hands together for Dharam and Shyra." "No way!" "No, I'm not dancing." "No seriously, Come on!" "Yes!" "Come on, guys!" "Make some noise for Dharam and Shyra." "(CLAPPING AND CHEERING)" "(BIG APPLAUSE)" "(KNEADING DOUGH)" "You still need Mummy's help for some things in life." "How do you make a paratha without a rolling pin?" "That's cool." "How do you think your parents became chefs in France?" "That's true." "Why is my French child craving an Indian paratha today?" "You used to make parathas for me to take to school till 3rd grade." "I remember." "I also remember you making... peanut butter sandwiches instead." "You stopped eating Indian food from that day." "When I opened my lunch box, all the kids would run away from me." "They hated the smell of your Punjabi ghee-parathas." "No one would play with me." "I was always alone." "But with sandwiches - that's when I made friends." "From that day I became completely French." "Disliked everything Indian." "The strange thing was... whenever I got upset... did badly at exams or fought with a friend or... broke-up with a boyfriend," "I quietly made myself a paratha... and enjoyed eating it all alone." "Don't know why it changed my mood." "It had the warm feel of Dad's hug, the fragrance of your clothes." "It made me feel no matter what..." "I was fine." " I know." " How?" "Who cleared up the kitchen after the mess you made?" "What's the reason you want a paratha today?" "No reason." "I just felt like having a paratha." "Don't know why." "Today you're fighting yourself." "You're getting married but you're unsure... if this guy is as comforting as a paratha." "It's not Papa's hug you seek, or the fragrance of my clothes." "Today you're looking for love... wrapped in laughter and fun, in songs and dances." "Someone who makes up after silly fights." "A lifetime best friend." "Find what you're looking for." "If you don't find it, don't marry." "This is not India." "Take advantage of being French." "(PHONE BEEP)" "(FOUNTAIN WATER FLOWING)" "What is it?" "I don't want to get married." "What an idiot!" "(LAUGHING)" "You're the biggest fool in the world." "Know that?" "I know." "You've always said that." "I totally agree now." "How did you get into this marriage mess?" "It's your fault." " My fault?" " What else?" "You suddenly decided to marry." "I didn't want to be left alone." "Damn it!" "I'll get married too." " You were marrying because I was?" " What else?" "I was angry, upset, alone." "Why were you upset?" "I don't know." "You know I don't know why I do what I do." "Also, I had to play your best friend." "You were happy." "I was trying to be mature and a good friend." "And what if you didn't need to behave or to be mature?" "What would you have done?" "I don't know." "Anyway, what's the point now?" "You're right." " No point now." " Tell me what can I do... to get out of this mess?" "Can I play dead?" "Mehra could say I drowned." "Body missing." "Should I leave a note and run?" "Or say I have a bad heart, 6 months to live." "Tell her straight." "What do you mean?" "Look Christine in the eye, and tell her the truth." "Truth and nothing but the truth." "That's the only way." "If you say I love you or break a heart... there are no shortcuts." "Go and tell her." "At first she may cry." "But she'll be ok soon." "The most important thing is... you would've finally become a gentleman from a Delhi lad." "I'm off." "Don't know about you, but I'm marrying in the morning." "Shyra." "I would've been such an idiot without you." "True!" "Another truth?" "When I see you with another man, I'm sick to my stomach." "I hope your marriage breaks up tomorrow." "If you have the guts, you break it." "I dare you!" "No." "I can destroy only one marriage in a day." "Don't ever look back... at the street you have left behind." "If you see him somewhere... turn and walk away." "Never say I love you, never say je t'aime." "Never say you're in love." "Never say je t'aime." "Thorns are strewn on this path... careful where you tread." "Impossible desires will swallow up your heart." "Go easy on yourself." "Come, come." "One minute." "Just wait." "Anay, my friend!" "Let me tell you, you're my worst enemy." "You're taking Shyra away from me." "I wanted to wish you bad luck." "Now you're marrying Shyra, I don't need to." "(LAUGHING)" "I'm not joking." "This girl has destroyed so many guys." "Me, too." "She'll turn you into a lap dog." "Has she told you how many guys she's messed around with?" "Oh sorry." "She hasn't messed around with you." "Your love story is platonic." "She's done everything with me." "Now she's being a saint." "She's a cheat." "Careful!" "She'll make your life hell." "She deserves a supporting act like me." "I'm already doomed." "Careful." "Don't blow your life by marrying her." "Run!" "Shyra... will you handle your friend... or must I?" "(SLAPS)" "Behaving like a Delhi idiot again!" "What did I tell you?" "Look straight into her eyes and tell her... the truth, nothing but the truth." "I love you." "There's no greater truth in my life." "Can't live without you." "I tried." "I could manage without the old Shyra." "But I can't live without this best friend Shyra." "I'm going to kiss you now." "Slap me." "Stop me forever." "Or never ever stop me." "(PUNCHING)" "(SCREAMS)" "You're dead." "Let go of me!" "Wait!" "What is this?" "(SHOUTING)" "(SCREAMS)" "(SCREAMING)" "Hail Mother Goddess!" "(GROANING)" "(LAUGHS)" "See how I saved you from that silent terminator?" "You were marrying a serial killer." "Never trusted him." "No one can be that sugary." "Go back to Delhi." "They won't spare you here." "I'm French now." "Paris is my home." "You still haven't learned a word of French." "You're with me." "My French dictionary." "I tried living with you once." "Not interested." "Marry me." "The biggest dare of your life." "Do you have the guts?" "Know what marriage means?" "Your life is in another's hands forever." "Very few get it right." "That's why it's a dare." "It's one dare that no one does alone." "It's a dare for two." "I know." "Ok, Dharam Gulati." "I put my life in your hands." "If you have the guts, then put your life in mine." "If I die, I won't spare you." "After three years of French kissing Shyra..." "I finally understood what love is." "Love is a bungee jump." "Jump if you dare." "No guarantee of a safe landing." "The one who thinks will be left behind." "The one who jumps... will fly!" "So till you're in the air, be carefree... and enjoy the flight." "Maybe you won't need to land after all." "I told you the knife would be useless." "I'm no carpenter." "How can I be carrying a hammer?" "I'm going." "Whose idea was this love lock anyway?" " It's still your fault." " Mine?" "Obviously, all my ideas are stupid." "Why did this breakup love lock excite you?" "You knew you weren't over me." "But you insisted we'd promise not to love each other." "You're so stupid." " Can't believe you're blaming me." " Of course!" "Some days you say: "Never say I love you."" "Then you say: "Look into my eyes and say you love me."" "You're nuts." "You break the lock." "You know what." "Forget it." "I'm done with you." " Where to?" " Anay's." " I'll beg him to marry me." " The psycho is in the madhouse." "I'm not coming after you." "Ok." "Fine." "(LAUGHS)"