"Happy holidays." "Happy holidays!" "Happy Hanukkah." " Hurry, Gladys." " I'm coming." "Wow." "Cool trains." "Coming through." "Excuse me." "Ooh..." "Ooh..." "Waaaa-oh!" "Hey, close the lid!" "You're lettin' the heat out." " You're draggin' it." " I got it." " You're draggin' it!" " I got it!" "# Deck the halls with boughs of holly Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la" "# 'Tis the season to be jolly..." "Merry Christmas to you." "Why, if I live to be 102," "I'll never forget the year the Muppets almost missed Christmas." "An icy storm blew in, and..." "Buddy, what are ya doin'?" "We're trying to make a movie." "Why, I'm Joe Snow, your affable, good-natured narrator." "We don't have no snowman narrator." "Now get outta shot, ya Burl Ives wannabe." "No snowman narrator?" "That's a big mistake." "I'm part of the holiday collective consciousness." "I'll have my attorneys see you - Frog, Slush and Snow Cohen!" "# Hey!" "Jingle bells, jingle bells" "# Jingle all the way" "# Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh!" "Hey!" "# Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..." "Gonzo, I sold my collection of rare cheese to buy you this crystal Petri dish for your mould collection." "Gee, Rizzo, I sold my mould collection to buy you a diamond-tipped cheese slicer." "Did you save the receipt?" "# And making spirits bright" "# What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight" "Oh, Beakie, you sold your periodic table, autographed by Stephen Hawking, to buy me this stand for my electron microscope?" "Meep." "Oh, but I sold my electron microscope to buy you these rare mutagenic elements." "But don't open it." "Oh..." "# Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..." "Johnny, my best friend in the whole wide world," "I sold my moped to buy you this solid-gold record player." "Thanks, Sal." "# Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh" "# A-doopa-doop-bop doo-dow Scoobetty-doop doo-doo-day..." "Hey, there he is!" " Sing a song with me, baby." " I don't feel like singing." "He doesn't feel like singin' with you - right, Kermit, my new best friend?" " Look, Kermie, mistletoe." " Leave me alone." " Oh, where's your holiday spirit?" " Piggy..." "Just one Christmas kiss, hm?" "Piggy, would you please leave me alone?" "!" "Kermit, what's wrong?" "Your gloomy behaviour would make us wonder if something bad has happened." "We... we lost everything." "Wow, I didn't know you could read people like that." "It's a gift." "Like my gold record player." "I'm sorry I convinced you all to work so hard and believe in this dream." "It was all for nothing." "We lost the money, we lost the theatre..." "We've lost everything." "But it'll work out all right, right?" "I mean, we'll just all pull together and everything'll be OK." "Right?" "Yeah." "Not this time." "Everybody!" "# Jingle bells, jingle bells..." "Kermit, help me!" "I'm stuck." "I can't help you." "I'll ruin your life." "Oh..." "Brrr..." "How could this happen?" "Someone has got to do something!" "Oh, dear." "Oh, Glenn..." "Hi." "Kermit the Frog has got a real problemo." "You'll wanna send someone down there to dish out a little yuletide justice." " Sorry, Dan, no can do." " I prefer Daniel." "This is a major crisis." " Dan..." "Danny..." " Daniel." "We have strict guidelines that define what is and isn't an emergency." "I can't dispatch a field agent without a review from the subcommittee." "Come on, you know that." "Listen, Feliz Navidad, amigo." "Fine." "If you're not gonna do your job, well, I'm gonna do it for you." "I'm taking Kermit's case to the Boss." "No, you're not." "Whoa..." "Hey..." "You're just gonna walk into the Boss's office without an appointment?" "That's the kind of attitude that'll keep you in a cubicle!" "I don't care." "Kermit deserves justice." " He's goin' for it!" " No, he's not." "He's gonna do it." "I bet he's gonna do it." " Troublemaker." " What's next, we're gonna wear colour?" "!" "He's not gonna." "Nope." "Nope." "It's called fronting off." "The young folks told me about this." "He did it." "Career suicide." "Who dares disturb my peace?" "Don't you love the big voice?" "It's so scary." "Aargh!" " What?" "Too big?" " No." "A Jurassic butterfly." "Whoa, that's cool." "You can really see the beauty of the compound bug eye." "I think it's too big." " Danny from Accounting, right?" " Yeah." "Daniel." " Daniel." " Dani-el." "Well, Dani-el, do we have an appointment?" "No." "But this is an emergency." "It's about Kermit the Frog." "I don't worry about him." "He always does the right thing." "Well, if you don't help him he may never do the right thing again." " What?" " Can you please just look at his case," "Your Honour..." "Your Excellency..." "Your Bossiness?" "I can't." "I have this appointment with the archangels." "We're talkin' about Armageddon, tryin' to get Streisand for the post party..." "You don't know how much this means to me." "I will never ask for anything again." "OK, look." "If you convince me that Kermit needs help, I'll send my best agent." " Oh, thank you so much." " But if you can't convince me, you'll have to transfer all of my albums to MP3 files." "Well, you have, like, every album ever recorded." "Ever." "Yeah." "Plus imports." "So you'd better be right about Kermit." "Have a seat." " What channel?" " 8573296, and then press pound." "Which one is pound?" "The tick-tack-toe thing or the squiggly bug thing?" " Tick-tack-toe." " Agh." "You do it." "OK." " I should probably rewind it a little." " Yeah." "And that's why I have this funny collar." "That's a great story, Kermit." "You're funny." "Kermit, I wanna talk about your big holiday show that's coming up." " Tell everybody about that." " Happy to." "It's going to be a lot of fun, and we could really use the support." "I love the Muppets, so I for one will be there, front and centre, at your Christmas Eve performance, and I urge you all to come too." "Oh, thank you, Carson." "Ladies and gentlemen, get your tickets now for the Muppet Christmas show." " Thank you, Kermit." " Thanks, everybody." " That went well, Kermit." " Yeah." "All that publicity should sell a lot of tickets." " Oh!" "I'd better go work on my act!" " That's true." "I've seen it." "Who is this little Carson Daly?" "He is so now, so today!" "He's so cute!" " Excuse me, but who are you?" " Oh, bonjour." "Je m'appelle Luc Fromage." " But I am not stinky, like the cheese." " No, no..." "It's a different sort of smell." "While you were out doing promotional stuff," "I hired Luc to help with the musical number." "He worked with Cirque du Soleil." " Just a little." "Ua peu." " And he speaks French." "I took your little "Twelve Days of Christmas", and I made them into this... this great..." " Vehicle." " Yeah, vehicle..." "Whoo-whoo... into the journey of the soul." "But not this soul." "Or not this sole." " The deep place." "The deep soul." " Very, very deep." "I can't wait to see it." ""Cirque Du So Lame"?" "I don't think we want "lame" in the title." "It is not "lame"." "You are lame!" "It is lamé, like this shiny fabric." " OK, OK, lamé." " Right." "Ua, deux, trois..." "Let the magic begin!" "Ooooo-ah!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Argh..." " It speaks to your essence, no?" " No!" " You're gonna love the five golden rings." " The what?" "Gonzo to Scooter." "Bring home the bacon." "Over." " Ten-four." "Bacon down, bacon down." " Roger." "Bacon down." "Would you hurry up?" "Don't make me miss my cue!" "The ham is jammed." "Repeat:" "The ham is jammed." "Heave!" "Argh!" "Aaaaarrghh!" "I love the chaos!" "I love the chaos!" "I love the chaos!" "Ow, my nose." "Oh..." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Bravo!" "Bravo!" " Luc, you're a genius!" "Bravo!" " Yes..." "Yes..." " So, what do you think, Kermit?" " Uh..." "Well, it's not really what I was hoping for." "What?" "!" "Are you blind?" "Are you blind in your little froggie eyes?" "!" "Look, I appreciate all the work you've put in." "It's just that our show is days away, and I don't even know what this is." "This is a metaphor for the winter solstice and the dark side of Christ-mas!" "Pathos and the dark side of Christmas?" "Luc, we want our show to focus on the joy of Christmas." "You would - you're a little frog!" "I quit!" "Whoa." "Now what?" "That was our big opening number." "What'll we replace it with?" " We better think of something quick." " Ha-ha!" "I'll do my boomerang fish." "I throw them away... and they come back to me." "Gee, Lew, I don't know." "It kinda lacks a Christmas theme." "OK." "Rita, Murray, where are you?" " Who wants pizza?" " Pizza!" "Count me in!" "Hey, Johnny, check out Rizzo's nose." "It's so shiny you could even say it glows." "Hey, Nose-tradamus, can you predict the future with that thing?" " Knock it off, will ya?" "I got feelings too." " Yeah." "Just not in your nose!" "Let's see..." "Shiny nose, laughing and calling names..." "I've got it!" "Meet the new star of the Christmas show, Frosty the Snow Rat!" "Gee, Gonzo, I thought you'd have gone for Rizzo the Red-nosed Rat-deer." "Sure, if you wanna go for the obvious." "Ha-ha-ha!" "This business is in business, OK." "I got the health permit, the fire permit, the permit to operate a topless nightclub..." "A permit for a topless nightclub?" " Better safe than sorry, OK." " Good point." "Kermit, I will need a ticket to Miami, OK." "A ticket to Miami?" "Why?" "Well, I've been invited to shake my bonbons at Ricky Martin's South Beach Christmas party, OK?" "Well, I don't know what to tell you, Pepe, but we're flat broke." "Oh, hello?" "Hello, Muffins!" "Hello?" "Hi." "Rachel Bitterman, new owner of Bitterman Bank and Development." "Oh." "Well, where's Mr. Bitterman?" "Dead." "Dead?" "My goodness, I'm sorry." "Is there anything we can do for you?" "Yes, as a matter of fact there is." "You can pay the considerable debt you owe me, in full, by midnight of the 24th, or vacate this theatre." "But-but the 24th is Christmas Eve." "Yes." "It also happens to be the due date for payment on the theatre." "Funny how one day can mean so many different things." "But we had a deal with Mr. Bitterman." "He said we could pay him after the whole week of shows." "Yeah..." "Too bad you don't have anything in writing." "Contracts." "What are you gonna do?" "But Christmas Eve - that only gives us time to do one show." "And how is that my problem?" "Oh!" "It isn't." "Ms. Bitterman, we've worked so hard." "Owning this theatre is our dream." "Working for a dream..." "That's beautiful." "My employees work for a salary." "Salaries?" "Is this like moneys?" "Yes, pumpkin." "And if you want to work for moneys instead of stardust, you just let me know." "OK." "So, if you need boxes for the move, check the back of the liquor store." " We're gonna get you that money." " Yeah, when pigs fly." " Argh!" "Argh!" " Get the rope!" "For the record, I consider that flying pig to be a coincidence and not a sign from God." "Ma'am?" "I want to work for moneys instead of stardust, OK." " You said to let you know." " But what about our dream, Pepe?" "Kermit, I must think of Ricky Martin and his dream to salsa with Pepe." "And she's hot!" "Welcome to Bitterman Bank and Development!" " Gracias." " Starbucks run?" "Sí, sí." "I like my coffee like I like my women - al latte." "Oh." "Wow." " See what I'm talkin' about?" " Yeah." "Cup of joe sounds good right now." "How do you have coffee in a bush?" "Shrub." "It's a shrub." "When you write the laws of the universe, you know the loopholes." "Hence, I created a coffee shrub." "Anyway, I can't believe what Bitterman did." "It's so immoral." "It's just unfair." "Immoral, unfair..." "Why do you care about Kermit's credit problems?" "Just, please, keep watching." "I promise you'll wanna help Kermit." "All right, I'll keep watching." "You're just lucky SpoageBob isn't on." " I love SpoageBob." " Do I care?" " Christmas is ruined!" " What are we going to do?" "It would take a miracle to save the theatre!" "Huh?" "Oop, sorry." "Like, I was totally just tuning up my harp." "You know, guys, let's not assume the worst." "I mean, maybe we'll be OK." " Me-me-me-me-me." " Excuse me, Dr. Honeydew?" "Could we raise enough money with one show to pay Ms. Bitterman?" "Let's work it out." "Beaker, would you boot up the old window operating system?" "Now, if we let X equal the value of our debt, and Y the value of seating capacity, it appears maximum attendance will result in Y being greater than X." "Hm?" " Yes, Beaker?" " Me-me-mo-mo me-me-mind." "Yes, I think you have a beautiful mind too." "So we'll have enough money to pay Bitterman?" "Yes." "Wait, no." "Uh, yes..." "No..." "Beakie, do you have my wax pencil?" "Oh, there it is." " Yes, as long as we add 1,900 seats." " But that's impossible." " Or we don't pay anyone till New Year's." " That's not so bad." "Of next year." "Beakie?" "What it boils down to, everybody, is we sort of have to defer our wages..." "Huh?" "...for a period of, um, about a year." " How will I afford my Propecia?" " That's not a toupee?" "I know it seems like we've already given everything we can, but if we don't give a little more, we could lose the whole theatre." "Our home." "So what do you say?" "Piggy?" "Where are you going?" "Oh, Kermie, I would love to stay and work for free, but a Hollywood doctor show needs a star who's in touch with today's urban youth." "And, well, naturally they called moi." " Typical." " I'm sorry." "All right, peeps, let's bounce." "Piggy!" "Piggy, we need a star for our show too!" "Piggy?" "OK, fine." "We'll just do our show without her." "Without her?" "I don't see how we can do anything without Piggy." " I'm sorry, guys..." " I hate to be materialistic, but how are we supposed to have Christmas with no money?" "Me-me-me-me-me!" "The words on my mug are right." "It is hard to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys." " Turkeys?" "!" " What's that supposed to mean?" "Guys, guys!" "Look at us, fighting and being selfish when Kermit has done so much for us." "We should be ashamed of ourselves." "Fozzie's right." "Kermit, I defer my paycheck." "Count me in." " Thanks, Scooter." " We're in." " I'm in." " I'm in too." " I'm in." " I'm really in." "All right!" "We'll show Ms. Bitterman!" "When we pull together, we can do anything!" "Even if we go broke doing it." "Uh, Gonzo?" "You're not helping." "Oh." "Sorry." "This little fishie went to the market, and this little fishie needs a kiss..." "And this little fishie..." "looks like my cousin Manolo." " Pepe, I want you..." " Oh, I want you too, OK." "Do not... interrupt me." "I want you to tell me everything you know about the Muppets' financial situation." "You tell me, Bitter-baby." "I gave you all the papers right there, OK." " All the papers?" " Sí." "This is the only copy of the contract between the Muppets and my bank?" "Sí." "I needed it to get all the permits, OK?" "Ooh!" "Hey!" " Maybe you should go with French tips." " Forget the nails!" " Listen, Peepee..." " Pepe." "Sorry." "Do they know you have the only copy of the contract?" "Well, I cannot answer this question until we talk about my Christmas bonus, OK." "I love your spirit." "Listen to me, my little king prawn king." "You answer this question, and I'll give you your Christmas bonus." "Then tell me." "Tell me." "Tell me." "No, they don't know I have it, OK." "Peel me, I'm yours!" "Yes!" "File this!" "Rough and sexy, OK." "But, Bitter-buns, why are you so excited about the Muppet Theatre anyways?" "For heaven's sakes, it's not about the theatre." "No, it's about real estate." "It's about making money, not losing it." "It's about something like this." "I call it Club Dot." "Ooh, nice!" " Does it come with action figures?" " No, it doesn't come with action figures!" "It's a scale model of a trendy nightclub." "Oh, you're so brilliant." "But how will the peoples fit inside?" "It's so tinys." "I mean, really tinys." "Come, I'll show you." "I think your Club Dot is going to need bigger doors, OK." "# This is not what I taught you and it's really bad..." "Stop it, stop it, stop it." "I don't know when I've seen dancing so... wonderful." " So how's it going, Howard?" " Oh, Kermit..." "Things could not... mm-wah..." "be... mm-wah... better, period." "Is it possible to give 110%?" "Because that's what I'm getting from these girls." " Well, great." "Keep up the good work." " OK, OK." " Love that tushie." " Ha-ha..." "OK, you clodhoppers, let's go." "Five, six, seven, eight..." "Raba-ba-bam, ra-ba-bam!" "Drummer boy!" "That was, uh..." "loud." "Everybody take five, huh?" "Gee, seems like it's still missing something." "I know!" "I'll do my boomerang fish." "I..." "Thank you, Lew, thank you." "No, thanks." "Sorry, Gretchen." "Fozzie, what does the show need?" "Maybe it needs someone who'll make people feel they got their money's worth." "You know, somebody with star power." "I know, Uncle Kermit - you should call your famous friends." "You're right, Robin." "To the star phone!" "Listen, we are all big fans." "I watch you every morning." "We were wondering if you'd star in our Christmas show." "I planned on spending the holidays with my loved ones." "Good golly, Miss Molly, you are such a big star it would be an honour if you would be in our show." "Let me remind you about the last time I worked with a frog." "We fell madly in love, so naturally I have a key made to his apartment." "I break in and reorganise his closets as a little favour." "And how am I rewarded for my trouble?" "The frog stops calling me!" "Remember that?" "Hey, Madonna." "Want a free Muppet T-shirt?" "Courtney, can you juggle?" "Thanks, Mr. Connery." "I understand, Mr. Schwarzenegger." "Hello, Mr. Rogers?" "Hello, Angelina." "Hi there, Britney." "Hello, Nicole." "Gee, I could sure do with a little star power around here, Triumph." " Is there any way you could help me out?" " Muppet movies are always the best." " You mean that?" " For me to poop on!" "Right, right." "You got me again." "Bye-bye." "Hey, guys, he's coming." "Sorry, everybody, no luck finding a star." "Just watch - the day after Christmas, all these stars will be marked down 40% ." "But don't give up, guys." "I'm sure someone will come through." "Someone like, um?" " I don't know, just somebody." " Mm?" " You know, somebody will..." " Like?" " All right, all right, I'll go get her." " Yes!" " Can't find a pulse." " Quick, the paddles." "Clear!" " Nothing." " All righty, let's call it." "Time of death: 8.27 am." "I..." "I think I'm feeling better!" "The shockie things worked!" "I'm alive!" " No, you're dead." " No, I'm alive!" " No, you're dead!" " I'm alive!" "It's a miracle!" "Cut." "Cut!" " What are you doing?" " It's called acting." " You're an extra." " You're supposed to be a dead body." "I didn't quit the legitimate theatre to play some runt under a sheet!" "I was thinking my character could date JD, then become a nurse with attitude." " You'd have to go." " Guess again, puerca." "All right..." "Oh, I know." "I'll be the cute janitor." "Yes, yes!" "The cute janitor who works her way up to head of hospital." "We'll just have to lose Frankenstein over there." " Excuse me..." "Pardon me..." " Kermie?" "Piggy, our show really needs you." "We really need a star." "Would you please consider coming back?" "Oh, Kermie, I'm afraid I'm must-see TV now." "Scrubs needs me." " Yeah..." "Miss Piggy?" " Yes, Billy?" "You're fired." " What did he say?" " He said you're fired." " Gone." " Canned." "Fired?" "!" "You wouldn't know talent if it hit you in the eye!" "And it's about to!" "I'll take it from here." "Sorry about that, Mr. Lawrence." "Piggy, let's go." "Fine." "I quit!" "I'm a real theatre actress anyhow, not some spoiled TV show-off." " A little boost, guys?" " You got it." "Now, as your star I have some demands:" "A fresh fruit plate, nothing frozen..." "Ah, Pepe, my heart is hot, like a black car left in the sun on a summer's day." "I must have you now!" "Oh, Rachel." "Oh, Pepe!" "Oh, Rachel." "Oh, Pepe..." " So, Rachel..." " Call me Ms. Bitterman." " OK, Ms. Bitterman." " I'm not exactly clear..." "Another mans?" "!" "I will curse him like a plankton, OK." "What will you do if the Muppets come up with the money before the deadline?" "Come, my sweet potato-brain." "The answer is here." "If the others are as stupid as that back-stabbing shrimp, they'll never notice that I've changed the contract from midnight to 6pm." "Right." "Changed the contract." "I don't get it." "Look, the old contract, the deadline was midnight." "The new contract, the deadline is 6pm." "At 6.01, I foreclose on the Muppet Theatre, gut it, and put up a trendy nightclub where I can sell overpriced drinks to pierced and tattooed rave monkeys." ""Rave monkeys"!" "Come, Einstein, let's go decorate my tree." "Right." "Decorate your tree!" "And tomorrow you can oil that chair for me." "Right." "Oil your chair!" "You know, not everything is an innuendo." "Innuendo!" "What have I done?" "I must warn Kermit." "Aie..." " The Muppets." " Uh-huh." "Got it right here." " Two tickets, please." " Get on in here." "OK, here you go." "Mr. Kermit!" "Mr. Kermit!" "I have excellent news." "We have sold enough tickets to cover our debt." "Oh, good!" "Everybody, gather round." "Before we go out there, I just wanna thank you all for sticking together." "Because of all your hard work, we've made enough money to save the theatre!" "Let's go out there and have a great show, huh?" "Nice work, guys." "And, because I love you all like cousins I no longer keep in touch with, tonight I dedicate my performance to vous." " Give us a kiss for good luck, Kermie." " Uh, well..." " 15 seconds to curtain." " Show's starting!" "I'll take a rain check, Piggy." "Thank you, Scooter." " Scooter!" " Where you headed, sister?" "Kermit, I must warn you, OK." "Oh, Dios mío..." "Gee, shouldn't you be in Florida with Ricky Martin?" "No, no, no." "Listen, because the words I'm about to say are very important, OK." " I'm listening." " You're listening?" " I'm listening." " Sure?" "This is very big." "Pepe, the show's about to start!" "OK." "First of all, she cheats on me with another man." " Oh, good grief." " OK." "And the doll house?" " It's not a doll house, it's a nightclub!" " Imagine that." "And Ms. Bitterman, while very sexy, is dishonest." "She changed the c..." "Oh, boy." "Let's see..." "Cue the intro!" " Boss?" "You are the intro." " What?" "Oh, good grief!" "Ladies and gentlemen, Kermit the Frog!" "Ha-ha!" "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "Oh, boy." "Thank you very much, and welcome to the Muppet Christmas show." "Now, at this time we'd like to ask you to turn off all cellphones and pagers." "OK, thank you." "Now..." "Merry Christmas, everyone." "It's showtime!" "# There was a frog" "# A very strange enchanted frog" "# And he came to France, where the ladies can-can dance" "# To the Moulin Scrooge where our story starts for you" "Wait, Donner." "Stop, Schnitzel." "Kermit..." "Whoa!" "My, my." "It sure is a nice Christmas here in Paris in the year 1900." "I'm sure I'll find the inspiration I need to write about love here in this fancy red windmill." "Oh." "But first, I think I'll try this funny green root beer." "Ooh..." "Ahh..." "Hi." "I'm the green fairy." "What are you doing in my drink?" "The backstroke!" "Ahh!" "And now, get ready for a magnificent, opulent, stupendous, tremendous, gargantuan, spectacular spectacular!" "Get ready for..." "Moulin Scrooge!" "Kermit..." "Kermit..." "It's very important..." "Unbelievable, OK." "When the beautiful Saltine, the sparkling zirconia diamond, saw this stranger, she knew what she wanted for Christmas - and it was green." "Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the star of our show, the beautiful, stunning, exotic, voluptuous Saltine!" "Bonsoir, mes amis." "Come and get me, boys." "# Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree" "# For me" "# I've been an awful good girl, Santa baby" "# And hurry down the chimney tonight" "Let's pick it up a little." "# Come and trim my Christmas tree with some decorations bought at Tiffany's" "# I really do believe in you" "# Let's see if you believe in me too" " Kermit, I..." " What?" "!" "Aha..." "A doobie-doo..." "# Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way" "# When you come to the Moulin Scrooge, you stay, you've gotta pay!" "Yeah!" "Where have you come from?" "This is my big number!" "# So if you're feeling plucky" "# Our chickens are just ducky at the Moulin Scrooge" "# It's Christmas every day As long as you can pay" " # And d..." " Aaargh!" "Stop singing different songs!" "I can't remember which I'm supposed to sing!" "Nnnnn..." "Excuse me..." ""Santa Baby", from "bee-doo-bee-doo"." "Oh, yeah." "Right." "# A-doo-bee-doo, Santa baby, Forgot to mention one little thing" "# A ring" "# I don't mean on the phone, Santa baby" "# So hurry down the chimney tonight" "# Hurry down the chimney tonight" "# Hurry... tonight" "I'll be waiting up for you." "Thank you." " There is one present you can give moi." " What is it, beautiful Saltine?" "Vous, Froggie." "Vous." "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" "Say wha'?" "!" " Boy, that went great." " Kermit..." "The theatre is in great danger, OK." "The contract says..." "Aie, I'm exhausted, OK..." "Kermie, what were your ten favourite things about my performance?" " Well, it's hard to narrow it down to ten..." " Oh, Kermie..." "Try!" "Start with number ten and work backwards." " Don't you have to change?" " Oh, my next number!" "Yes!" " I'm wonderful in that, too." " Of course." "Now, Pepe, what is going on?" "OK..." "You are listening?" "Because this is very important, OK." " Pepe, I'm listening." " OK, OK." "You must get the moneys to Bitterman by six o'clock, not midnight, OK." "Or we will be on the streets." "That's not what the contract says." " Oh, mira, mira, look, look." " What?" " You see?" " Wait a second..." "She changed the contract, OK." "You see?" "You can see right here." "She's very very tricky, OK, Kermit." " Wait a minute." "That can't be." " Oh, it does be." "And it's almost six o'clock, OK." "Kermit, unless we act fast, Ms. Bitterman will take the theatre." "But the joke's on her, cos we've got the money." "Yeah, and I'm gonna take it to her right now." "Pastel MMs?" "!" "I said no pastel MMs!" "Kermie, you said you'd treat me like a star if I came back!" "How could you?" "!" "But, Piggy, it's just..." "Coming through." " Kermit, six o'clock." " I gotta get to the bank." "Maybe I should go to the bank for you." "But what about your monologue?" "You've worked so hard on it." "This is more important." "And besides, it's kind of crazy here." "Sí, sí, sí." "I will fill in for Fatsie, OK." "I am very funny." "Wakka-wakka, OK." " Ah!" "Not bad!" " Gracias." "Are you sure you're OK missing your stand-up spot?" "Kermit, you have done so much for us." "Let me do this for you." "OK, you got the job." "But remember, this is a very important job..." "Kermit!" "You can count on me." " Fozzie?" " Yeah?" "The money?" " Oh, right, the money." "Yes, of course." " Aie-aie-aie!" "Hope that was the right thing to do." " Where's Fozzie?" "He's on." " This is me, OK." "Right..." "Thank you, thank you." "OK..." "Wakka-wakka, OK." "What are Santa's three favourite gardening tools, OK?" "Hoe, hoe and hoe, OK." "Hoe, hoe and hoe." "Is what Santa says, OK." "Gardening tools!" "Gardening tools!" "Hoe-hoe-hoe!" "Hey, the shrimp's floundering!" "You shut up, OK." " He told us to clam up!" " What's he wanna do, mussel us?" "Don't get me steamed, OK." " Steamed shrimp!" " Oh, pass the cocktail sauce!" "That's it!" "I'm coming up there!" " Oh, I'm shakin'!" " You're always shaking'." "I'm going to the bank." "Gosh, I sure hope they have a little bear's room there." "'Scuse me, mate." "Watch your step." "This street is teeming' with wild crocodiles." " There aren't any crocodiles here." " Are you tellin' me how to do my job?" "No, no." "But this is a city and there aren't any swamps." "Crikey!" "You're a bear!" "I'll have to tranquillise him, cos bears get a tad cranky when they get a bit stressed." "Aargh!" "Crikey!" "There he goes!" "Hurry!" "He's gettin' away!" "Watch out, folks!" "Stand back!" "Come on, I think he went this way." "Watch out!" "There he goes." "What..." "Arghh!" "He's right there." "These darts are really potent, so I've gotta get a clean shot." "Meanwhile, everybody waited nervously for Fozzie to get to the bank." "Argh..." "What's happening?" "What's going on?" "Everything is melding together..." " Crikey!" " I think I'm going to..." "I am." "Aaarghh!" "There he goes!" "What's this?" "Ow!" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "My eyes!" "Where did he go?" "Where did he go?" "Merry Christmas!" "Ho-ho-ho!" "Whoa-whoa-whoa..." "Oh, you poor thing!" "Are you OK?" "Where's Bitterman Bank?" "Bitterman Bank..." "Look at you!" "You're soaking wet and freezing." "Here, you take my coat." "Look, it's him!" "That green guy who stole Christmas and ruined all our wishes!" "I'm Nancy Nut-What from Whatville, you see, and you've made me and Uncle Nicki quite angry." "He'll make sure you don't steal Christmas again by making you feel some serious pain." "Let's get him, and..." "Uh..." " I can't rhyme." "Can't we just beat him up?" " Yeah, let's go get that sick green pup!" "Aarghh!" "Agh!" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "Ow!" " Hey, that's a bear!" " A bear?" "!" "Hey, where are you going?" "Hey, anyone here seen that guy that stole Christmas?" "He went that way." "Get him!" "There he goes!" "He's green, he's mean, and..." "Hey!" "Thank you." "Stop!" "Come back!" "Arghh!" "Hello." "Hello." "Argh!" " Where's Ms. Bitterman's office?" " What?" "Where's Ms. Bitterman's office?" "I need to deposit this money." "Well, if I was a bear, I suppose I'd deposit my honey in an old tree somewhere." "No, not honey." "Money!" " What?" " Money!" "I need to give Ms. Bitterman her money!" "Oh." "Ms. Bitterman's laundry." "Her offices are on the thirteenth floor." "I'll let her know you're coming." " Thank you." " Gesuadheit." "Where's the buttons?" "No buttons!" "Ah!" "Oh, what a beautiful nightclub!" "What do you want?" "What do you want?" "What?" "No!" "Stop him." "No, not stockings!" "Stop..." "Do not..." "Never mind." "Wha-ha-ha?" "!" "Uh-oh." "Argh!" "Aaarrghhh!" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "Ooh!" "Argh!" "Argh!" "Oww!" "Oh." "Yes!" "No-o-o!" "Oh..." "So, looks like the Christmas spirit... is with the good guys for a change." "We know the truth about that contract!" " There's nothing in here." " You mean nothing but a pile of cash!" "Ahhh..." "No-o-o!" "Now, if you don't mind, if you could take your sad self away from here?" "You smell like a burnt couch." "Oh, no." "Oh, no." "Oh, no, no, no..." "Yes!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Nog!" "Nog!" "Oh, Rizzo." "You did a great job." "Your nose was a real bright spot." "Yeah, lucky break." "And you guys have been dancing together for a long time?" "Yeah, yeah." "Wait." "Hey, girls, come back." "My uncle used to own the theatre." " Hey, Scooter?" " Yeah, boss?" " Have you seen Fozzie?" " No, not since he left." "Hm." "I better go look for him." "And miss the party?" "He'll be fine." "You're probably right, but I'd feel better if I knew for certain." "Fozzie?" "What happened?" " Please tell me you deposited the money." " Oh, Kermit, I..." "Oh, Fozzie, no!" "Try it." "Just put your tongue on it." " Really?" " Just lick it." " Sure it won't stick?" " Of course not." " I dare ya." " I double-dare ya." " I triple-frog-dare ya." " Oh..." "Hey..." "Now you gotta do it." "See it?" "Look." " Well, good luck with that." " I'm stuck!" "Guys, don't leave me!" "I'm stuck!" " Think, Fozzie, think." " I'm trying, I'm trying." "What happened after you left the theatre?" "Well, first a crazy Australian tried to shoot me with his blow gun." "Then people thought I stole Christmas, then I got burned by a bunch of lasers." "Fozzie, there's no time for your stories!" "Now, was it ever out of your hands?" "No." "Oh, wait." "Maybe for a second when I bumped into Santa and his army." "Fozzie, if we don't find this money we'll lose everything we've worked for!" "Just keep looking." "Does it help that I feel really badly?" "OK, so here are your holiday bonuses." "Merry Christmas, merry Christmas..." "Kermit!" "Hey!" "You gave me the greatest present of all - your theatre!" " Ms. Bitterman, you changed the contract." " You can't prove that." "I can't believe you'd do this on Christmas Eve." "By now I thought you would've realised I'm the bad guy." "Why can't you understand what this theatre means to us?" "It's our dream." "Your dream?" "Please!" "I mean, you can't eat a dream." "You can't sell watered-down drinks from a dream." "You can't be the queen of a Polynesian tribe in a dream." "Wait, yes, you can." "Forget that last one." "The point is, I believe in money, not dreams." "A life without dreams?" "That's terrible." "You just don't get it, do you?" "Dreams ruin lives." "And in your case, they ruined the lives of your friends too." "Hey, Kermit." "Don't let it spoil your holiday." "Remember, this is the most wonderful time of the year." "# 'Tis the season to be jolly" "# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la..." "This is not good at all." "Somebody's gotta do something about that Bittermouth." "That's what I've been trying to say." "Look what she's put this poor frog through." "I'm sorry I convinced you all to work so hard and believe in this dream." "It was all for nothing!" "We lost the money, we lost the theatre..." "We've lost everything." "Send someone down there to dole out some justice." "Uh, could you send someone down there to dole out some justice?" "Please?" "Let me think about it." ""Thank you, Kermit, from the children of the world, for the lovers, the dreamers, and you." Dreams!" "Bitterman's right." "I ruined everyone's lives with my ridiculous dreams." "You can't tell me this is what you wanted to happen." "It isn't." "Hello, Fritz?" "We have a problem on earth." "Prepare the transport for a field agent." "Oh, great." "Great." "Should I get Glenn on the horn?" "No." "What..." "Me?" "No." "I'm the wrong guy." "I'm gonna go get Glenn." "Whoa!" "What..." "What'd you do with my clothes?" "My glasses?" "I look like an ice-cream man from Hello, Dolly!" "What... what's this?" "Regulatory Guide to the Design and Implementation of Divine Intervention on Earth?" "I should tell you, I'm a very slow reader." "OK, fine." "Performing Miracles for Dummies." "I'm sorry, I'm the wrong guy for the job." "See, I'm a numbers guy." "People are too unpredictable." "Dani-el, you are the right guy." "You have a real understanding of right and wrong, and an innate sense of justice." "You'll be fine." "Now, get down there before he turns into a frogsicle." "Go." "Aaaarrghhh aaaaarrrghhhh!" "Kermit!" "Oh..." "Oh, dear, Boss!" "I'm too late!" "See?" "I've already blown my mission!" "Argh!" "Come on, Kermit." "Hang in there, buddy." "Argh!" " Why are you breathing on me?" "!" " You're alive!" "Now I can save you!" "Do me a favour and don't bother." "Nobody can save me." "I think I can." "You see, my name is Daniel and I've been sent from above in the name of justice to right a wrong and help you get the theatre back." "You?" "You look like an ice-cream man from Hello, Dolly!" "Well, normally I'm an accountant." "And normally I'd love to sit and listen, but I've got things on my mind." "Goodbye." "You don't understand." "I know Bitterman changed the contract." "How do you know that?" "Wait, you don't run a Muppet Internet fan site, do you?" "No, no." "I'm a friend, and I'm here to help." " I'm sure we can come up with a plan." " Sure." "Whatever." "What would the Boss do?" "Hey, we'll call the press!" "Alert the media." "Start a frenzy." "No way, pal." "Bitterman owns the paper, the TV stations and most of the Internet." " How can one person own so much?" " Corporate synergy." "It's out of control." "Now could you please just leave me alone?" "Actually, I'm not allowed to." "Besides, you should not be alone." "You're not yourself." "Kermit the Frog would not walk out on his friends." "Walk out?" "!" "What do you know about my friends?" "I'll tell you what I know!" "My friends will be better off without me!" " What?" "That is not true." " It is true!" "It is true!" "I've ruined their lives and I wish I'd never been born!" "No..." "You did not just say that." "You did not just say that!" "I did just say it." "I said "I wish I'd never been born!"" " What am I supposed to do now?" "!" " I wish I'd never been born!" "There, I said it again." "I wish I'd never been B-O-R-N, born!" "Chapter 12, paragraph two." ""If the subject tells the field agent that he wished he'd never been born..."" "Psst." "Come close." "I wish I'd never been born!" ""...the field agent must adjust the world accordingly."" "Do whatever you like, because - did I mention?" " I wish I'd never been born!" "OK." "Calm down, Daniel." "I wish I'd never been born." "I wish I'd never been born." " What are you doing?" " I saw this in a training video once." "What?" "Welcome to the world in which you were never born." "How did..." "Argh!" "Not ready is he." "There is no try, only do." "Oops." "Wrong world." "Dan, how did you..." "Oh!" "What's the matter with you?" "Sorry, I had to do that." "I'm just following procedure." "Bitterman Plaza is now closing." "Welcome to the other world." "The world in which you were never born." "What happened to the park?" "Ms. Bitterman bulldozed it and built this mall." "But how did..." "What did..." "Are you some kind of magician?" "No." "But I am a part-time balloon-animal artist." "You see, I take the balloons, and you twist them into di..." "I have no time for that now." "This is a serious mission." "I will guide you through a mysterious world." "The journey will shock you..." "Hey..." "Hey!" "Leave me alone!" "I'm goin' home to pack and say goodbye to my friends." "The joke's over!" "Number one, you don't have a home." "Number two, you don't have any friends, because you haven't been born." "And number three, I don't joke." "I've been told I'm not funny." "Oh, really?" "That gag with the snow in my face was hilarious." "Gonzo?" "I'm new at this." "Oh, sir?" "Sir, if you could just spare a second." "I'm Gonzo, and this is Amy the Dancing Brick." "Gonzo!" "Thank goodness." "Why aren't you at the party?" "Look, buddy, I'm trying to work here." "Great!" "That was my only customer today." "Thanks a lot!" "Thank you." " Kermit..." " Why don't you just run along?" "I don't get it." "Gonzo?" "Sorry, Amy." "I don't understand." "Gonzo acted like he didn't know me." "Because that was the Gonzo from the Kermit-less world." " Hey, isn't that your friend Rizzo on TV?" " I'm afraid to look." "What?" "Rizzo on Fear Factor?" "Dawn, next you have to face off against a filthy, disease-ridden rat." "Ready?" "Aad if you pass this test, you'll then have to eat the disgusting rat." "What?" "!" "That was not in my contract!" "Three, two, one, go." "Aargh!" "What a disgusting show." "How can NBC live with themselves?" "It's worse than it seems." "Your not being born has altered the world so 90% of network TV is reality shows." "Go ahead, eat the rat." "First bite's the hardest." "Tastes just like chicken." "Poor Rizzo." "I can't watch this." "This is a nightmare." "You weren't there, so..." "Hey, do you hear music?" "Is that the band?" "!" "OK, let me see my speech, Fluffy." "Wait a second - you guys are the Mayhem Band, not Riverdancers!" "Out of the way before you get stomped!" "And why aren't you in the kitchen?" "Shouldn't you be on some No.2 plate special?" " What are you talking about?" " Over there, short-stack." "Doc Hopper's?" "Oh..." "Are you a dancer?" "No..." "It can't be..." "Oh, dear." "Oh, dear." "I'm sorry, Kermit." "Kermit?" "Yep." "The Muppet Theatre." "Do you wanna see how that turned out without you?" "Oh, Dr. Honeydew!" "Please tell me this is still the Muppet Theatre." "Muppet Theatre?" "Can't you read, lizard?" "This is Dot." "Ugh!" "Oh..." "Oh, no..." "It's a nightmare!" " Now do you believe you weren't born?" " I'm starting to." "Hey, Ms. Bitterman?" "Here ya go, dear." " Oh, thank you, Johnny." " All right." "Hey, boss, these two deadbeats stopped buying' drinks for the girls an hour ago." " Is that true?" " We've been buying all night." " Yeah, we're goin' broke!" " They're lyin'." "I think it's time for you two to hit the road." "Whoa..." " How about another?" " You better believe it!" "Ms. Bitterman?" "We're all out of mineral water." "Then find some empty bottles and fill it with tap water!" "But..." "Not only have you ruined the Muppet Theatre, you've ruined the Muppets!" "Thank you." "Customer feedback is very important to us." "I will certainly consider your input." "Wait a second..." "Beaker, you're all swollen!" "Could we talk about this?" "Aargh!" "Meep-meep." "I managed to get my hand stamped." "Lick your hand and we'll try to get back in." "Are you guys OK?" "There you go." " Fozzie?" " Yeah?" "You probably don't recognise me, do you?" "No." "But this is Christmas Eve, and it looks like you could use a hand." " Your kindness means a lot right now." " Yeah, well, always help a stranger." "Uh, bye." "Well, he's acting a little strange, but it's good to know Fozzie turned out basically OK." "Yeah - if being a pickpocket is OK." "He took my wallet!" "Unbelievable." "And you don't even have pockets - even more unbelievable." "Yeah, but... how could things be this bad without me?" "I guess someone like you makes a big difference in a lot of lives." "But..." "I'm just one frog." "You know what?" "I think there's someone else you should see." "Piggy." " She lives in this sty?" " Yeah." "Apartment 217." "Here." "You'd better take these." "Who is it?" "Um..." "My name is Kermit." "Kermit the Frog." "Who?" "Someone you used to know." "Yes..." "Of course..." "It's all coming back to me now." "Um..." "Wait right there." "Outta my way!" "Sorry." " Piggy?" " Korwin?" "It's been so long since we met that..." "Oh, you brought candy!" "Let's see what's in here." "Oh, fruit centre..." "Nuts..." "Piggy, uh, merry Christmas." "I can see you really like cats." "Doesn't everyone?" "Make yourself comfortable." "Have a seat... somewhere." "Thank you." "You, uh... you look good." "So, what are you up to?" " Actually, I do quite a lot of acting." " Really?" "Of course, I do most of it from here now." "Your... your phone." " All right, all right." "Excuse me." " Sure." "Hello, darling." "Miss Piggy knows the answers you seek." "You must be 18 or older." "2.99 a minute, local tolls may apply." " Piggy, you're not Jamaican." " Yeah, well, I'm not psychic either!" "Now, as I was sayin'..." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Oh, great!" "You just lost me a gig!" "But, Piggy, that's not real acting." "That's deceiving people for money." "Oh, no." "You're not a cop, are you?" "If you are, you have to tell me." "No, no, I'm just a friend." "Look, what do you say you and I go out for a nice Christmas dinner?" "But what about my babies?" "I still have to wrap Mr. Meow-Meow's present." "Besides, I look terrible." "Oh, Piggy, are you crazy?" "You always look beautiful." "You've got more beauty and talent than any supermodel or movie star I know." "It's true I once had dreams of going to Hollywood and becoming a big star." "But... they were just dreams." "Silly dreams." "Ha-ha..." "Oh, Piggy..." " I think you should leave now." " What?" " Big day tomorrow." "Lots to do." " Yeah, but..." "Clean, decorate, bake the Christmas cry... pie." " What?" "I'm not pathetic!" " No." "I still have my phone acting." "It's just the kitties and I want you to leave now!" "Leave!" "Did you hear me?" "Scram!" "Vamoose!" "I said out!" " Piggy..." " Aiieeyah!" "And take your chocolates too!" "On second thought, I'll take these." "Daniel?" "Daniel?" "Daniel?" "Daniel?" "Daniel, where are you?" "!" "Daniel!" "Daniel, where are you?" "I want my life back!" "Please!" "Daniel?" "# I feel so small and useless" "# Ambiguous and clueless" "# I just can't seem to get anything right" "# I feel so invisible tonight" "# All the plastic Santas" "# Doin' hula dances" "# Remind me that I don't belong" "# All the fake snow falling" "# And my friends not calling" "# Leave me nothing but this song" "# On the most miserable Christmas" "# Of my life" "# The most miserable, horrible, obnoxious, intolerable Christmas..." "Hey, don't give up." "You just haven't found the right audience." "I'm so tired of scrounging." "I've had my chance." "# If only I could go back" "# And take another crack at all the things I've left undone" "# I'd do them right" "# If I had my friends and family here tonight" "# I'd have the most wonderful Christmas" "# Of my life" "# Everyone matters" "# Everyone matters" "# Even the smallest of the smallest" "# Can make the biggest dreams come true" " # Everyone matters - # Everyone matters" "# For worse or for better" "# We can change the world around us" "# With everything we do" "# Even you" "# Even me" "# You and... me" "Yeah." "Thanks, pal." "What was your name?" " Kermit." " Kermit." " Well, have a great Christmas, Kermit." " Thanks." "I'll see you around the mall sometime." "Right." "So long, Gonzo." "Merry Christmas." "Kermit, I'm sorry I couldn't help you save the theatre." "I guess I wasn't much help at all." "You know, the theatre's just a building." "I just wanna get my life back." "All I care about is being with my friends again." "What's wrong?" "I don't know how to tell you this, but I don't know how to get your life back." "What do you mean?" "!" "Are you saying I'm stuck this way, here, like this?" " You see, I've never done this before." " There must be something in your book." "It really doesn't go into a lot of detail." "But-but..." "Oh, I wish I'd never said I wish I'd never been born!" "I wish I'd never said that." "How could I have said that?" "!" "I could've just said "You're having a bad day", or "Things aren't going your way", but no, I had to say "I wish I'd never been born"!" "How selfish!" "It's ridiculously selfish, and I'm stuck in this reality along with all my friends!" "I don't believe this!" "What a ridiculous thing to do!" "Yes..." "He can?" "That's great!" "Oh..." "Well, that's a little weird." "OK." "Thank you." "Kermit..." "Kermit..." " I can send you back." " I appreciate your help, Daniel, but..." " What?" "You can?" " Yeah." "Well, that's terrific!" "That's great!" "But... it's a little strange." "Whatever it takes." "Just do it." "I'm ready." "Just do it." "OK." "Aw..." "The park!" "It's back!" "I'm back!" "I've got spit in my eye, but I don't even care!" "You did it, Daniel!" "Yeah!" " I guess I did." " Thank you, thank you, thank you!" "Don't thank me." "Just go be with your friends." "Right." "I'll go be with my friends." "Hey, Daniel, is there anything I could do for you?" "As a matter of fact, if you found my visit helpful you could tell my boss by filling out this customer survey." "It will really help at my next review." "Daniel, you've done more than you could ever know." "Thanks." "Aw, come here, you!" "Daniel..." "Daniel, not quite so tight, not quite so tight." " Sorry." " No, it's OK, really." " Bye-bye." " Bye." " Uh, Kermit..." " Whoo-hoo!" "I'll mail it to you." "Thank you, Daniel!" "Thank you!" "Whoopee!" "I'm back!" "Oh, this is great!" "Thank you, Daniel!" "Yahoo!" "Merry Christmas, everyone!" "I'm back!" "Huh?" "I'm back!" "I'm back!" "I'm back!" "This is wonderful!" "Merry Christmas!" "Looks like somebody's been drinkin' a little too much eggnog." "The only thing I drank was a shot of reality and a big glass of appreciation!" "An appreciation of everything, from Gonzo's nose to Piggy's beauty!" " Rowlf, it's really you!" " Hey, Kermit." "Hey, Piggy, wow!" "You still got that mistletoe?" "I'm not talking to vous." "Aw, c'mon." "You don't need mistletoe when you're green." "Argh!" "Yeah, he's drunk all right." "Kissin' a pig on the chops like that?" "Mmm-wah!" "Beauregard!" "Did you see that?" "!" "Did you see that?" "!" "Kermie kissed me!" "He kissed me!" "All my dreams just came true..." "Argh!" "Don't worry, my fall was cushioned by Kermit's love." "I hope Kermit's love can fix my tuba." "No problem, Eugene." "And merry Christmas, Eugene." "Fozzie?" "Any second now you'll remember how I let you down." "I understand if you never wanna speak to me again." "I feel so useless." "Are you kidding?" "Our friendship is more important than any old theatre." " Really?" " Really." " Thank you, Kermit!" "Thank you!" " You bet." "But why are you so happy?" "We just lost everything." "I'll tell you why." "Because I realised that it's not that horrible that we lost the theatre." " That's good, because we lost it." " Yeah, but what really matters is..." "Money!" "That's right." "I said money." "Let's face it, frog, money talks." "Let's hear what it has to say, shall we?" "Could everybody please pack up and get out so Ms. Bitterman can gut this place!" "This theatre is not yours yet." "Yeah!" "Yeah, so get out or I'll throw you out!" "Oh!" "This little piggy's feeling brave." "And this little piggy's going to kick your skinny banking butt!" ""Skinny." Thank you." "It's too bad I can't say the same for you, Miss Porky." " Porky?" "!" " Oh, here it comes!" "That does it!" "Hiii-yah!" "Ooh..." "Oh." "You did not just do that." "Nnnnnnnnn-aieyah!" "Oh, I see." "So you want a piece of me?" "Go, Piggy!" "Go, Piggy, c'mon!" "I see you are very agile for a plus-size pig." "Oh, my goodness." "And you will be very unattractive with a plus-size lip." " I'll give you five bucks on the pig!" " Make that ten!" "Don't take that!" "Get her, Piggy!" "Ha-ha ha-ha-ha!" "Ow!" "Oh, that's not good." " Oh, my, oh, my..." " Uh..." "Uh..." "Everyone calm down." "Violence won't solve anything." "She may take our theatre, but she can't touch the Muppet Theatre in our hearts." "That's fortunate." "I don't want the theatre in your hearts," "I want the theatre that exists in reality." "Now, if y'all wouldn't mind, clear out!" "Look, everyone, look." "I got some good news, OK." "Unless you are a sexy banker lady - then it sucks, OK." " Oh, I'm really worried." "Peepee's..." " Pepe." "Peepee's got some bad news." "What, are we out of toenail polish?" "No..." "I took the moneys you paid me and filed for a special permit with the city, OK." "The Muppet Theatre is now an official historical landmark, OK." " Historical landmark?" "!" " Wow!" " Historical landmark?" " So are we!" "The theatre can never be torn down or changed." "It will always remain the Muppet Theatre, OK, no matter who owns it." "That's great!" "Read it and weep, OK." "Seriously." "If you could weep, we'd all appreciate seeing this, OK." "Wow, Pepe." "That was brave and selfless." "Sí, sí, sí, it was." "But when you can help friends and get revenge on enemies, isn't that what Christmas is all about, OK?" "I can't believe this!" "How am I gonna make money off this junky building now?" "!" " This is the worst Christmas ever!" " Or is it the best Christmas ever?" "With an infusion of cash from you, we could add seats to the balcony, advertise, and then put on some really spankin' profitable shows." "Ssss..." "No!" "No!" "I hate you Muffins!" " Good Lord!" " No!" "No kidding, I was frightened." "Out of my way!" "And a merry humbug to you, grumpy." "Hey, we're all singin' carols outside and it's snowin' and it's real pretty." " You wanna come?" " Yeah!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "# We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas" "# We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year" "# Good tidings we bring To you and your kin" "# Good tidings for Christmas and a happy New Year" "Heavens!" "This is our best year ever!" "Whoa!" "Merry Christmas!" "Someone up there is lookin' out for us." "Amazing." "I failed on my mission to get justice for Kermit, yet everything managed to work out." "Do you think maybe Kermit never needed revenge or justice, or even the theatre?" "Yeah." "But what did he need?" " What do you think he needed?" " I asked you first." " Yes, but I'm the Boss." " Yeah, but I don't know the answer." "People just really need to know what matters in life, and you opened Kermit's eyes and showed him what he already had." "People don't need my intervention." "Then how come the Salvation Army ended up with all the money, the Muppets kept the theatre, and Bitterman ended up with nothing except her own greed?" "Dani-el, I work in mysterious ways." "Well, on behalf of the Muppets, thank you." "# Everyone matters" "# Everyone matters" "# Even the weakest of the meekest" "# Can change the course of history" "# Everyone matters" "# We're in this together" "# The world would be so different" "# If there never was a me" "# Even you" "# Even me" "# You and me" "Subtitles by FYI-Media"