"And the ocean was at once the destroyer and the savior." "The world waits for the Dethklok album to drop." "The album has been shrouded in secrecy, but today Dethklok did release these details." "Hey, kids." "It's me, Facebones." "The new limited-edition Dethklok album will be available only on a totally unrippable liquid format." "Anyone caught reproducing, sharing, downloading, uploading, or otherwise [Bleep] with it in any way will be subjected to imprisonment without due process." "While you're in prison, you'll experience eye poking, water-boarding, acts of war, throat slashing, and butt [Bleep]" "Goodbye [Bleep]" "As the global countdown continues, fans were trampled today at the Dethklok album preview." "Those still standing got the fix they needed, as this preview raised the bar on brutality forever." "Less than a week and counting before the Dethklok album hits stores." "Police in China subdued fans as the ships carrying the limited-edition Dethklok album left the port of Shanghai." "♪ Tick-tock tick-tock ♪" "♪ tick-tock tick-tock ♪" "♪ tick-tock tick-tock ♪" "♪ Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "♪" "Well, the album has shipped, and I'm sure you're all anxious to start talking about tour plotting, staging, uh, merchandise, uh..." "Hey!" "Watch this!" "You're about to witness the art of the prank call." "Hello?" "I'm a little old lady, and I'd like to come over." "Huh..." "I'ms in a stupids meetings, buts, uh, maybe you cans come over laters." "Who is this?" "We could order pizza." "Oh, I loves pizza." "How dids you gets my numbers?" "Hello?" "Hey, some nice old ladys just hungs up on me." "Oh, I hopes she's okay." "One moments, Toki." "Hello, this ams Skwisgaar Skwigelf, uh, speakings." "This is a divorced, overweight African-American lady." "Can I come over?" "I mights be ables to squeeze you ins, uh..." "Guys, do you think the red in this album cover is too pink?" "This looks like [Bleep] soup." "It looks like pink tomato soup." "Can we send it back and ask them to make it more blood red?" "Nathan, I'm sorry, but the albums have already shipped." "Told you so." "It's too late." " Huh, that ams weirds, uh..." " What happeneds?" "This ladys calls me and says she's hornys and then she hangs ups on mes!" "I hopes she ams okay." "Oh, I gots another phones call!" "That's weird." "I just gots a call from the princess of the forests and she hungs up on me." "Oh, I hope she's okay." "They have no [Bleep] clue it's me." "I'm the funniest [Bleep]" "Prank-call artist that ever lived." "Hey, is that what you're gonna do on your vacation-- Prank-call, goof off?" "[Bleep] That!" "Club hedonism is doing a [Bleep]" "Gettysburg re-enactment-- My two favorite things." "Hey, now that the record's coming out, what are you guys doing with your free time over there?" "I'll probably, uh, finally gets some times to plays guitars." "I'll probably watch him plays guitars." "What ams you twos going to do?" "Should I tell them or should you?" "You tell them!" "We're going on our friender bender!" "Yeah, friender bender!" "You know, our post-album tradition of drinking around the world till we, uh..." "You know, black out together." "You black out." "I don't black out." "And you know what, Nathan?" "You can't have any tequila while we're going on our friender bender." "You know why?" "'Cause you turn into a dark person." "Will you get off my back?" "I'm not gonna drink any tequila, all right?" "Come to think of it, I don't remember the last time I had any." "Aah!" "Gentlemen, it appears that while Dethklok's album ships, the band will be taking it easy." "General Crozier?" "A fleet carrying 600 million liquid-format recordings left Shanghai yesterday at 0700 hours." "Artillery boats and coast guard helicopters are escorting the ships as they deliver the album to the world's ports, where rabid fans are already gathered." "The People's Liberation Army Air Force has escorted the album master back to Mordhaus." "Yes." "Meanwhile, William Murderface has become a master at the art of the prank call." "Here to speak more is prank-call specialist Dr. Borgermubarretswingdworth." "Dr. Borgermubarretswingdworth?" "The prank call is an American pastime that is as old as the day is long." "In the early 1800s, pranks were delivered by horseback on the pranky express." "Alexander Graham bell invented the telephone solely to expedite the process of humiliating friends and strangers." "Prank calls can spin out of control and set off a chain reaction." "Pearl Harbor started as a prank call from "an emperor" " "A 12-year-old kid in his basement." "The bay of pigs was a prank call, as well, by fidel Castro's nephew." "And some believe "Houston, we have a problem" was an interplanetary prank call." "The history of prank calling may seem like fun and games, but be forewarned." "The telephone is powerful technology that in Dethklok's hands could lead to irreparable humiliation and shame!" "The new Dethklok album is the engine driving our world's economy." "A booming economy is key to passing the Falconback legislation." "As long as voters have jobs and rising real estate, nobody will question government spending for our bill." "Let's hope Dethklok's excessive drinking and prank calls doesn't interfere with this new economy." "The album has already shipped, gentlemen." "Let Dethklok's descent into decadence play out." "Hello?" "Toki Wartooth?" "Who ams I speakings to?" "You just won free tickets to Splasheroonie water park!" "Oh, wowee!" "I loves water parks!" "How many tickets did I wins?" "Uh, one for you and one for [Bleep] Skwisgaar." "I mea" " I mean, a friend." "Oh, gives to Toki at once his ticket!" "Hold on." "Go to this address and say the magic phrase." "Now, you might want to write this down." "Go get a pen." "I guess this ams the place." "Everyones, can I haves your attentions for just ones moments?" "This shouldn't takes too longs." "Just gots to reads you this in orders to get my Splasheroonie tickets." "Haven'ts, uh, reads this yet." "Here we goes." ""I would like you all..." "To suck my [Bleep]"" "Wait a minutes." "You calls that deejay back and-- I can't!" "I can't even calls him back." "I don'ts have his numbers!" "He calleds me!" "Gives me your phones to me!" "What?" "Murderface!" "Okay, so, here's the plan." "First stop, Russia" " Balkan 161, [Bleep] Polar bears." "Switzerland-- [Bleep] Absinthe jello shots, [Bleep] Heli-ski down a big mountain blah, blah, blah." "Italy-- [Bleep] Grappa, art." "Ooh, who gives a [Bleep]" "London-- [Bleep] Dry Martini and [Bleep] You, Buckingham Palace." "And we're not gonna obsess about the record, okay?" "Okay." "I mean it!" "Okay!" "And no tequila." "Okay!" "Good!" "So we're gonna [Bleep] spend the next two weeks [Bleep] drinking like crazy, right?" "Yeah!" "So what should we do for the next two hours while we're waiting for our plane?" "Maybe we should have a drink." "That's a pretty good idea." "Dude, there's got to be more booze in here somewhere." "Uhhhh." "Tequila." "Oh, Nathan, I found some hot sauce and some blueberry schnapps." "Nathan?" "Nathan?" "Ah, neck pillow, dramamine, cologne in an" " under-4-ounce bottle..." " There's one thing he ams forgettings-- hims credit cards!" "We gonna shows that [Bleep] dildos what the pranks calls really ams." "Hellos." "My name ams Williams Murderface, and I would likes to buy somes ammunitions ands firearms." "Buy some Anthrax." "That gets you in real trouble." "And plastic explosives." "Can'ts waits to see the delta squads blows the tops of his head off!" "I can'ts waits to see someone snipes him in the face!" "Hey, I'm off to the airport for my vacation." "Take care while I'm gone." "Be safe, everybody." "Can't wait to see you again." "Oh, haves a safe flights, pal!" "Well, thank you, Skwisgaar." "That's very nice of you." "World markets rose sharply again on the shipping of the" "Dethklok album, which is expected to give a huge boost to the economy." "As a result, the US Treasury issued a new denomination of currency-- the klokillion." "That's one million krillions, folks." "Exactly." "And the markets look ahead three to six months." "Now, major traders are already factoring in, what, a world tour, merchandise, increased casket sales." "This is not irrational exuberance, mind you." "This is the new global metal economy." "Sire, I regret to inform you that the dethjet has been grounded due to inclement weather." "You know what you must do." "Destroy the master." "All flights cancelled due to bad weather across the globe." "Sorry." "Ow!" "You must destroy it." "Holy [Bleep]" "Nathan!" "We're moments away from the arrival of the new Dethklok album at the port of entry." "The coast guard is reporting that the sea is swallowing all the ships carrying the new Dethklok album." "Nathan!" "Walking down the stairs with my hand on the wall." "Nathan!" "Uh, we're just getting information that the only remaining copy is protected deep within Mordhaus!" "Nathan!" "It's a sign, Pickles." "What the [Bleep] are you doing?" "It's got to be destroyed." "No!" "Dethklok must go back in the water."