"?" "I'm goin' down to South Park?" "?" "Gonna have myself a time?" "?" "Friendly faces everywhere?" "?" "Humble folks without temptation?" "?" "Goin' down to South Park?" "?" "Gonna leave my woes behind?" "?" "Ample parking day or night?" "?" "People spouting "Howdy, neighbor"?" "?" "Headed on up to South Park?" "?" "Gonna see if I can't unwind?" "?" "So come on down to South Park?" "?" "And meet some friends of mine.?" "No, Kitty, these are my spicy hot" "Louisiana baked chicken tenders!" "No, Kitty!" "Someday, I will collect all the Chinpoko Mon." "Then I will fight the evil power that will reveal itself once all the Chinpoko Mon are collected." "Oh..." "No, Kitty, you can't have these chicken tenders because they are mine, and I keep mine to myself." "Oh..." "Be sure to tune in tomorrow for another inexplicable episode ofChinpoko Mon!" "Hooray!" "Hey, kids, do you love Chinpoko Mon?" "Yes." "Well, now you can buy your very own!" "?" "I've got to buy Chinpoko Mon?" "?" "I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it?" "Now you can collect them all!" "Furry cat!" "Donkeytron!" "Pengin!" "Shoe!" "Lambtor!" "Collect them all, and you can become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master!" "Royal Crown Chinpoko Master?" "Holy sh-!" "All the Chinpoko Mon are in stores now!" "Chinpoko Mon is super, you love toy, number one!" "?" "I got to buy it, Chinpoko Mon.?" "Mom, Mom!" "Mom, seriously!" "Seriously, the toy store, Mom!" "Now, must go, toy store!" "Eric, calm down!" "Seriously, Mom, must go, must buy!" "What is it, Eric?" "Mom, I've only just heard." "They're making Chinpoko Mon dolls, Mom." "You can collect them all!" "You can collect them all, Mother." "Quick, we must get to the toy store." "I'm making us some lunch right now, Eric." "But, Mom, I have to get a Chinpoko Mon doll before everybody else does, 'cause then I'll becool." "Can't it wait till tomorrow, hon?" "But, Mom, I have to get the first one or else people won't think I'mcool!" "All right, let's go." "Sweet." "Everybody's gonna be so jealous when they see my Chinpoko Mon." "Chinpoko Mon." "Give me it." "Give me it." "Oh, Goddamn it!" "Hey, fat ass." "Hey, dickhole." "I guess you saw the commercial, too." "Yup." "I got Roo-stor, Lamtron and Shoe." "Well, that's nice, but I'm gonna get a Pengin." "He's the coolest." "Goddamn it, there's no more Pengin!" "Kenny, Pengin is my favorite." "That's the last one." "Let me have it." "Uh-uh." "Maa..." "Maa, Kenny, let me ha..." "Maa..." "Maa, give me Pengin!" "Maa!" "Honestly, I don't see what they find so amusing about those things." "They're so strange." "Where are they from?" "Well, it's some new big thing from Japan." "I'll tell you, those Japanese really know how to market to kids." "I've got to collect all Chinpoko Mon!" "I've got to collect them all so I can become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master." "Oh..." "Buy all the Chinpoko Mon, and you will have happy feelings." "I have to become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master!" "Must collect Chinpoko Mon." "Okay, Kenny, I'll trade you my Chu-Chu Nezumi for your Pengin." "Goddamn it!" "You're supposed to trade, you little asshole!" "Give me Pengin!" "Hey, dudes." "what are those?" "What are these?" "They're Chinpoko Mon!" "You don't appear to have any Chinpoko Mon." "No, but look." "I just got this sweet Cyborg Bill doll." "Oh, please!" "Cyborg Bill is so yesterday." "Yeah, like ancient history." "Cyborg Bill isn't cool anymore?" "No, dude." "Cyborg Bill hasn't been cool for a long time, Kyle." "Why the hell don't people tell me these things?" "It's all Chinpoko Mon now." "Dude, if you collect Chinpoko Mon, you can complete the primary main objective!" "What's the primary main objective?" "You don't even know what the primary main objective is?" "The primary main objective is to destroy the evil power." "Well, what's the evil power?" "Oh, my God!" "The identity of the evil power won't be revealed until all Chinpoko Mon are collected by a Royal Crown Chinpoko Master." "What?" "Duh!" "God, get with the times, dude." "Duh!" "Sh-!" "Yeah, I guess so." "Mom, Dad, can I have money to buy Chinpoko Mon?" "What's a Chinpoko Mon?" "I'm not sure." "Well, why do you need one?" "I don't know." "Well, then the answer is no, Kyle." "You just got money to buy your Cyborg Bill doll." "Yeah, but Cyborg Bill is totally gay now." "Please, Mom!" "Everybody else has Chinpoko Mon." "Well, Kyle, that's not a reason to buy something." "Yeah, Kyle, don't..." "You see, son, fads come and go." "And thisChinpoko Mon is obviously nothing more than a fad." "You don't have to be a part of it." "In fact, you can make an even stronger statement by saying to your peers, "I'm not going to be a part of this fad, because I'm an individual. "" "Do you understand?" "Yes." "Yes, I do, Dad." "Now let me tell you how it works in the real world." "In the real world, I can either get a Chinpoko Mon, or I can be the only kid without one, which singles me out and causes the other kids to make fun of me and kick my ass." "Hmm. good point." "Here's ten dollars." "Thanks." "Wait." "Here's 20." "Get one for your brother, too." "Chinpoko!" "There you go, son." "I honestly don't know what you see in these things." "Neither do I." "I guess I'll call it a night." "Chinpoko!" "Buy me!" "Buy me!" "When will you become Royal Chinpoko Master?" "Hurry up and buy me!" "Down with America!" "What?" "I love you!" "Let's be best friends and destroy the capitalist American government!" "What the hell is going on here?" "Hey, you guys!" "Check out my sweet Chinpoko Mon doll!" "Oh, please." "Chinpoko Mon dolls are so last week." "What Yeah, dude." "Don't you know?" "It's all about the Chinpoko Mon video game now." "Did you bring your special Chinpoko Mon game controller?" "Huh?" "No." "Oh, you didn't get a special Chinpoko Mon game controller." "Jesus Christ." "Chinpoko Mon!" "What is primary objective?" "To destroy the evil power!" "I've got to buy all the Chinpoko Mon so I can destroy the evil power." "Oh?" "Oh?" "Damn it!" "I've got to buy them all." "So first I better go to Hawaii and visit Pearl Harbor." "Try to bomb the harbor!" "Ready?" "Go!" "I must buy them all!" "I must buy them all!" "We must buy them all!" "Try to bomb the harbor!" "Dude, the video game gave Kenny a seizure!" "Cool, this game rules!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Welcome to Chinpoko Mon Toy Corporation." "Please state the name." "R" " Red Harris." "I own a toy store in America." "Please state the purpose." "I want to know what the hell you people are doing with these dolls, talking about bringing down American government and all." "I am President Hirohito, and this is Mr. Ose." "Please to meet you." "We understand you have big concern about our fine product." "Well, y-y-yes." "Do you mind telling me what the hell this is about?" "The American government lies to you!" "Join the fight for Japanese supremacy of the world." "More to come." "Well?" "Uh..." "That is so strange." "I do not know how this could've happened, but rest assured," "I will make sure it does not happen again." "Well, now... come on." "I don't think that that quite satisfies my..." "You are American?" "Yes." "Oh, you must have very big penis." "Excuse me?" "I was just asking you what you're up to with these toys." "Nothing." "We are very simple people with very small penis." "Mr. Ose's penis is especially small." "So small!" "We cannot achieve much with so small penis." "But you, Americans- wow, penis so big!" "So big penis!" "Well, I-I guess it is a pretty good size." "Minasan, kitte, kitte!" "This man has a very big penis!" "Oh...!" "Hai." "Wh-What an-an immense penis!" "Well, it certainly was nice meeting you folk." "I just wanted to bring that little malfunction to your attention." "Bye-bye now." "Good-bye." "Thank you for stopping by with your gargantuan penis!" "Dame... dame da." "Waze konochi chippu o wasuretta?" "Wa-Wakarimasen, Sacho-san." "Mondai desu ne." "Sekini sho no be." "Hai." "Hai, Sacho-san!" "?" "I've got to buy Chinpoko Mon?" "?" "I've got to... buy them?" "?" "Must buy Chinpoko Mon.?" "Americano, kodomo zembu Chinpoko Mon motte ima na kore kara, phase twohajimete." "Ikimashoo!" "The time has come!" "We will take Pearl Harbor!" "?" "I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it?" "?" "Chinpoko Mon.?" "What are you doing?" "I'm watching one of Stanley's Chinpoko Mon videotapes." "Why?" "Our son loves this show, Randy, so I think it's important that we watch it to see if it's teaching him good moral values." "Hey, you must be Roos-tor!" "I haven't bought one of you yet, but I'll bet you can transform into Roo-stallion if you found Diamond Skill Seven!" "Roooo-stor!" "Hey, I'm gonna take your Roos-tor and put it in this bag where it will flourish or expire, depending on fate." "Hey, is that a good idea?" "Roos-tors aren't like Chew-Chew Nezumis." "They haven't the heart for such endeavors." "Oh?" "Are those good moral values?" "I don't know what the hell they're talking about." "Lambtron!" "You are losing the battle of your life!" "But Lambtron's power level gives him a good chance of a new fight." "Will he succeed?" "I am sad now, because Lambtron must be very lonely because there are so few Lambtrons in the world." "Will he ever find a companion?" "This doesn't make sense." "Are those stupid things supposed to be animals or robots or what?" "I don't know, but I suddenly kind of want to own them all." "Randy, we can't allow our son to watch this stuff." "Well, it's not like it's vulgar or violent." "No, but it's incredibly stupid, and that can be worse on a child's mind than any vulgarity or violence." "Remember whatBattle of the Network Starsdid to an entire generation." "My God, you're right." "?" "Come on, brothers and sisters?" "?" "We've all got to join together?" "?" "Join together and give me money?" "?" "So I can buy more Chinpoko Mon?" "?" "We've got to stop this fighting...?" "How's it going, fat ass?" "I haven't made any money yet." "What?" "You've been out here all weekend." "How are we gonna raise money to get into the Chinpoko Mon Camp?" "Hey, I'm the one who's been standing out here with this gay guitar like a Goddamn hippie all weekend!" "What have you two assholes done?" "We can't do anything." "Kenny still hasn't come out of his seizure." "I got it!" "I got my Chinpoko Mon game controller!" "Jesus tap-dancing Christ!" "Get with the program, Kyle." "Yeah, nobody plays the Chinpoko Mon video games anymore." "Now it's all about the big weekend Chinpoko Mon camp." "Camp?" "The makers of Chinpoko Mon are going town to town and putting on a special camp to show all Chinpoko Masters how to destroy the evil power." "You didn't know that?" "No." "I knew it, I knew it!" "I was just testing you guys." "You just wait till I get to that Chinpoko Mon Camp." "I'm gonna be the toughest master of them all." "So we'll see you there, ay-eet?" "Dude, did you just say "ay-eet"?" "Yeah." "You know, like Lauren Hill- "Ay-eet"." "Oh, my God, that's so yesterday!" "Yeah, dude, nobody says "ay-eet" anymore." "What?" "Ay-eet's not cool either?" "When did that happen?" "Like, eight days ago." "Goddamn it!" "Hey, kids!" "Only one more day till the Chinpoko Mon Camp!" "Come early and enjoy all the Chinpoko fun!" "?" "Chinpoko Mon Camp?" "?" "I have to buy a ticket?" "?" "I have to buy one, a ticket?" "?" "I got to buy, buy, buy?" "This Saturday and Sunday." "You can't wait to go!" "?" "Chinpoko Mon!" "?" "We just thought we'd bring it to everyone's attention because honestly, we don't know how to feel." "Well, I'm letting Eric go to the camp." "I mean, it seems to me this Chinpoko Mon thing is just another harmless fad." "Yeah, we told Kyle he could go if he did all his chores, and he did." "Yeah, I'm not sure this blatant commercialism is good for our boys." "Well, you know how it is, Randy." "The more we forbid them to play with Chinpoko Mons, the more they're gonna love them." "You're right, Sheila." "I guess the best thing we can do is just let them go until they get sick of it." "Sure." "Apparently, they've been doing these camps in every city around the country." "How bad can they be?" "Get out the way!" "Move it!" "Can you see anything?" "It's starting!" "It's starting!" "?" "I've got to buy it?" "?" "Chinpoko Mon!" "?" "Attention!" "Attention!" "This is the Chinpoko Mon Camp." "Chinpoko Mon is what we strive to be in our hearts!" "Our... hearts." "Kenny?" "What is the primary main objective?" "To destroy the evil power!" "Power." "Yes, and what is the evil power?" "The evil power is the United States government!" "Oh...!" "United States government is a evil power!" "It has taken Japanese military!" "It has broken Japanese spirit!" "And what do Chinpoko Masters do to evil power?" "Destroy it!" "Destroy it?" "That is correct!" "Now, it is a great honor to present your Chinpoko leader," "Emperor Hirohito!" "One government cannot forever pass its laws on others." "The strength of Japan is in its history, and it is based on that history that we shall again rise to the dominant world power!" "Is this cool or not?" "I can't tell." "It is again time for the rising sun to shit tall in the sky!" "One Japan, one society!" "We will begin with the language and exercise skills." "Hajimete!" "Ichi, ni, san, shi!" "Ichi, ni, san, shi!" "Okay, children, I want it quiet!" "Now we're gonna try this again until we get it right." "What is six times three?" "Ju-hachi desu ka?" "Ju-hachi da ne!" "No." "Goddamn it, it's 18!" "Ju-hachiis 18, Garrison-san." "For the last time, my name is not Garrison-san, all right?" "And this is not Hat-san, and you'd all better start talking in a manner that I can understand." "Ooh, Garrison-san, sabushii da na." "What did he say?" "He said," ""Garrison-san sabushii da na. "" "So desu ne!" "Damn it, this is not Japan!" "Minasan!" "Kite kite churi..." "Dare ga pu shita no?" "People, please!" "We can only speak one at a time." "Now, Mr. Garrison, you were saying?" "I can't take it, Mayor." "You have to put an end to this Chinpoko Camp." "My son hasn't made any sense in days!" "I tell you, Mayor, these Japanese are trying to change our American children somehow." "All right, people, Mr. Hirohito and Mr. Ose were nice enough to stop by to talk to you." "Gentlemen?" "We at the Japan Toy Company are very concerned about your concerns." "That is why we make Chinpoko Mon Camp." "Well, how is it good?" "We don't understand what the point of your product is." "There is nothing to worry about." "We at Japan Toy Company are in awe of your large penis." "What?" "You see, Japanese penis so small." "So small." "You Americans have such humongous, bulbous penis." "Well, I guess that's true." "Oh, such nice, big penis, American." "What can we possibly do with such small penis?" "We cannot take over your city, filled with men of such Mastodonic penis." "Well, he's got a point there." "Well, I guess that settles that." "We're sorry we took your time, gentlemen." "Oh, no, thank you." "Another chance to be in same room with big American penis." "My penis so small!" "Nice guys." "So what are we going to do about our children?" "Uh, hello?" "Okay, people," "I know this Chimpookoman fad is causing a lot of problems, but I think we've already found a solution." "You have?" "Children are fickle." "All we have to do is come up with a new fad." "We find the next toy and turn them all onto it as soon as possible." "Of course." "That's a great idea!" "But what toy?" "All right boys, we're going to show you a couple of commercials, and you tell us which toy interests you the most." "Now, watch carefully." "Hey kids, do you like Chinpoko Mon?" "Yeah!" "Well, then, you're gonna go wild for Wild Wacky Action Bike!" "?" "Wild Wacky Action Bike?" "?" "It's a bike that's hard to ride.?" "Wild Wacky Action Bike is almost impossible to steer." "And it glows in the dark." "?" "I'm gonna try to ride it all day long?" "?" "But I'm gonna fail?" "?" "'Cause it's Wild Wacky Action Bike.?" "?" "You can't ride it, you can't ride it?" "?" "Wild Wacky Action Bike.?" "Wild Wacky Action Bike comes with everything you see here." "Gay." "Yeah, dude, that looks totally gay." "Oh." "Okay, here's the next one." "Hey, kids, do you like Chinpoko Mon?" "Yeah!" "Then you're gonna love" "Alabama Man!" "?" "Alabama Man?" "?" "He's quick, he's strong, he's active?" "You can take Alabama Man to the bowling alley where he drinks heavily and chews tobacco." "Wow, he can bowl!" "?" "He can bowl, he can drink?" "?" "He can drink some more?" "Lug, lug, lug, lug, lug." "?" "Alabama Man!" "?" "When wife asks where he's been, just use the action button, and Alabama Man busts her lip open." "Shut up, bitch!" "Wow!" "?" "He beats up his wife and sleeps it off?" "?" "Alabama Man!" "?" "I wanna be just like Alabama Man!" "Alabama Man comes with everything you see here, wife sold separately." "I thought I told you to shut up!" "Not all people from Alabama are wife-beaters." "Gay." "Totally gay." "Liberace gay." "Oh, dear." "Well, let's keep trying." "How about this?" "Owa-tta!" "Bei-ko-ku!" "Owa-tta!" "Bei-koku!" "Owa-tta!" "Bei-koku!" "Nihon ima haji-maru!" "Stan?" "Owa-tta!" "Bei-koku!" "Stan, it's Mommy!" "Ow-tta!" "Bei-ko-ku!" "Stanley, you need to come home right now." "Mommy misses you!" "Owa-tta!" "Bei-ko-ku!" "Stanley, I'm talking to you!" "Bei-ko-ku!" "Huh?" "Stan, please, come home!" "Kore wa watashi no uchi desu!" "So desu ne!" "Oh?" "Do not worry." "Everything is okay." "No, it's not okay!" "Oh, but you have such a large penis!" "What?" "Your penis- wow!" "Ow." "What he means is that all men in this town have very large penis." "Can't you see what's happening?" "They're just using that talk to distract you!" "He doesn't really have a small penis!" "Mesinisai!" "Oh!" "Owa-tta!" "Bei-ko-ku!" "Owa-tta!" "Bei-ko-ku!" "My God, is there nothing we can do?" "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "I think I know the answer." "I know how to get our kids to stop liking Chinpoko Mon!" "How?" "Come on, we don't have much time!" "And now, for a special announcement from the President of the United states." "My fellow Americans," "I wish to address the concerns many of us have over the growing number of Japanese military bases forming in the United States." "The new Japanese Emperor, Hirohito, has made our own children into fighter pilots who will soon fly to Hawaii and attack Pearl Harbor." "I spoke with Mr. Hirohito this morning, and he assured me that I have a very large penis." "He said it was mammoth, dinosauric, and absolutely dwarfed his penis, which he assured me was nearly microscopic in size." "My penis, he said, was most likely one of the biggest on the planet." "I applaud Mr. Hirohito in his honesty." "Thank you." "Your plane will fly auto-pilot to Pearl Harbor!" "When you arrive, you will drop many bombs!" "Hai, Sacho-san!" "Nan da kore?" "Chinpoko ga dai suki yo!" "What?" "We just came to support you." "We love Chinpoko Mon, too." "It's super toy number one!" "You like it?" "You bet!" "I think Chinpoko Mon is chinpokorrific." "I got Shoe." "Come on, Eric." "Let's try to battle your Roo-stor with my Donkeytron." "Uh... no, that's okay, Mom." "What are they doing?" "It's a trick!" "Hey, Stan, look at my new bumper sticker!" "Isn't that cool?" "No." "Screw this, dude." "Where are you going, Stan?" "I don't." "Chinpoko Mon just doesn't seem that cool anymore." "I'm gonna go kill some ants or something." "Wait for me." "I want to get out of these stupid clothes." "Yeah, me, too!" "No!" "Well, you were right, Sharon." "The best way to make our kids not like something is to like it ourselves." "That's right." "Anything we like is instantly not cool." "We know how to take 'em out, Mr. Garrison." "Spread the word." "Get on the wire to every parent around the country and tell 'em how to bring those sons of bitches down!" "Hey, Mom, I'm sorry I went a little nutty with that Chinpoko Mon stuff." "Can I have five dollars to buy a football?" "You bet, Stanley!" "Owatta, beikoku!" "Kyle, it's over." "But I'm gonna be Royal Crown Chinpoko Master!" "Dude, Chinpoko Mon isn't cool anymore." "What?" "Yeah, dude, that's way over." "You're just jealous because I'm Chinpoko Master!" "No, Kyle." "You see, we learned something today." "This whole Chinpoko Mon thing happened because we all followed the group." "We only liked Chinpoko Mon because everyone else did." "And look at the damage it caused." "So now I should stop liking Chinpoko Mon because you all don't?" "Yeah." "But if I stopped now," "I'd just be going with the group again." "So to be an individual, I have to bomb Pearl Harbor." "See ya." "Oh." "Wait!" "Actually, I was wrong." "You see, Kyle, I learned something just now." "It is good to go with the group." "A group mentality is healthy sometimes." "Oh, screw it." "I'm too confused." "Oh, I'm sure glad this is all over." "Hey, get off of him!" "He's not dead yet!" "No, get off of him, you stupid rats!" "He's not dead yet!" "Hey, you guys wanna go to the toy store after school and get some Spaceman Greg cards?" "No, I think I'm through with fads for a while." "Me, too." "I'm choosing my own toys from now on 'cause..." "What the...?" "Oh-ho-ho-ho." "Gross!" "?" "Buy, buy, buy-buy, buy-buy, buy a ticket.?"