"Drop the balls." "# Who's cooking monsters in the kitchen?" "# Who keeps a knife tucked in the garden?" "# Who keeps you nervous" "# Like screaming motorcycles?" "# You keep the fire burning" "# I'll keep the water running... #" "Take care, Luke." "Beware of something nasty pretending to be something nice." "How are you?" "Feeling better." "Sleeping?" "Not sleeping?" "Talk to me." "I'm your personal physician, remember." "Rupert Galvin." "He isn't expensive." "That's the one." "I get nightmares." "Real shockers." "I'm not kidding." "Go on." "It's the same thing, over and over." "There's a car." "It's crashed." "And a driver." "You don't seem him clearly, but you know he's trapped." "There's a kid strapped into one of those seats." "He's in the back." "Can't get out." "The guy in the front, that's his dad." "Only his dad can't help him." "Galvin, what's happening to me?" "The clown, Whoppo, he was a pyromancer." "A Grade 7 entity." "They specialise in divination." "That's fortune-telling using fire." "Was it balls?" "Correct." "Piss him off, which we most certainly did, and you get this intense burst of psychic energy." "You took quite a hit." "Anything else?" "It's me." "I'm the kid." "That's how it feels." "And there's something watching in the shadows." "Why won't he help?" "And then you wake up?" "First I see Father Simeon." "Simeon?" "No wonder you feel bad!" "So this guy watching the car, any ideas?" "Is he important?" "I never see him clearly, but it feels like I should know him." "What do you think?" "You've had a close encounter with a pyromancer, is what I think." "Will I get over it?" "It'll pass." "In the meantime I'm taking you off the frontline." "Doctor's orders." "These...moments when you see Simeon, does he say anything?" "Yeah. he says, "Beware of something nasty pretending to be something nice." He should know." "He's about as nasty as they come." "Look after yourself." "Mina." "'How is he?" "' Not great." "Did you level with him about the pyromancer?" "I told him enough." "Listen, I gotta go." "I'll catch you later." "Galvin, what are you up to?" "'Nothing.'" "Just off to see an old chum." "Something nasty pretending to be something nice." "Anyone order a pizza?" "Simeon, we need to talk about Luke." "Do you mind?" "This is priceless Venetian." "So is this, my friend." "Quattro stagione." "You want some?" "You should, you're looking kinda peaky." "Just get on with it." "I haven't got all day." "That some Persian calligraphy?" "OK." "Let me tell you." "Young Luke had a bit of a set to with a pyromancer." "Now he's started seeing things." "Hardly surprising." "No." "One of the things he's started seeing is you." "Ah." "So that's it." "You're afraid the boy will come to me and I'll tell him what I know." "What do you know, Simeon?" "Many, many things." "Everything and nothing." "Give me the package." "Jay left a package with you in trust for Luke." "What if he did?" "Why would I give it to a vulgarian like you?" "I love you, too, Simeon." "The package." "You're afraid, Galvin, and possibly ashamed." "As well you might be." "Me?" "Nothing to be ashamed of." "A matter of opinion." "You know..." "I've often wondered how you managed to keep it together for so many years." "Every other zombie I've met managed to survive a couple of months tops." "Must be something to do with the environment in here." "Clean and dry." "Temperature and humidity constantly controlled." "Is that what you like?" "You barbarian!" "You mindless vandal." "The package, Simeon." "Can I make you something else?" "No." "I'm not hungry thanks." "I don't care what Rupert says," "I'm calling the doctor." "I don't need one." "Come here." "Sit down." "Can we talk?" "Yeah." "The accident, when Dad died, was I with him?" "Come on, Mum." "You have to tell me." "What happened?" "It was a college reunion." "Dad said, "Go." "Why not?"" "I didn't like the idea." "Anyway I went." "And Dad had a business trip?" "Yeah." "And he was driving." "I don't know why I agreed." "I could have lost you, too." "Mum, don't be so hard on yourself." "Come on." "'Hello, Luke." "This is very strange for me." "I'm talking to you out there, and yet I've got you right here in my arms." "If you're watching, it means we never got to know each other." "I can't tell you how sorry I am." "Everything you see around you is yours." "Use it wisely." "Good luck, Luke." "The time has come to act." "There are dragons out there." "I wish I could keep you safe." "The best I can do is warn you." "Those that offer friendship will not always be what they seem." "Beware of something nasty pretending to be something nice.'" "What's this?" "The unedited version of Jay's tape." "What am I supposed to do with it?" "Keep it for me away from Luke." "Sure you're doing the right thing?" "No." "But it's my call." "So keep it safe." "Me and Galvin chased a clown who wasn't a clown but a pyromancer." "I got hit with one of his balls." "Not seriously." "God forbid!" "After that I had nightmares." "I kept seeing my dad, who's dead obviously." "I'm like maybe I'm going a little crazy." "You would." "I can see that." "That's why we're seeing Fr Simeon." "I can see a pattern." "It's all falling into place." "It's brilliant." "It's like the Da Vinci Code." "Really?" "That brilliant?" "Well, in many ways it was brilliant." "Should we knock or something?" "That has never happened before." "Big wow." "He said to beware of something nasty pretending to be something nice." "Know who he was talking about?" "Galvin." "He was talking about Galvin." "I'd better know what you're thinking." "Bet you don't." "What's the connection between Galvin and Fr Simeon, right?" "Luke." "I think I've found Father Simeon." "He's dead." "Don't worry." "That's how he is." "It's normal." "No." "Not like this." "It was you." "You killed him to stop him talking to me." "Earl Grey, China, or mint?" "You heard this?" "No builder's." "Mina's a bit exotic." "Simeon passed on or out and I'm responsible?" "Murder." "Let's call it by its name Galvin." "You killed him." "I'll bring teabags and hot water." "It's not murder." "Simeon's been dead for years." "Don't be clever." "He was silenced to stop him talking." "It's the logical explanation." "Mina, explain to him." "Zombies take herbal crap to stop rotting away." "It's an unbalanced existence." "He may have got his doses wrong." "He was murdered." "You don't know that." "By you." "Give me a break!" "Calm down." "All we know is Simeon's dead." "It's not for the first time." "Lighten up." "Have a cup of tea." "Come on, Ruby." "We're going." "I'm not your girlfriend." "So?" "So treat me with a bit more respect." "I'm your friend-friend." "I'm trying really hard to understand what you're going through." "Are you?" "Yes." "We all are." "But you're not exactly making it easy." "Galvin and Mina are in this together." "I can't trust them." "Can I trust you?" "Of course you can." "You know you can." "I know." "Thanks." "Excuse me, I've a message for one of the residents." "I can't see the name." "These wee tags are very fiddly." "Who is it?" "It's Mr Van Helsing." "Mr Luke Van Helsing." "Karen Speedwell, the Happy Medium." "It's tacky, but the punters like it." "I know what you're thinking, not my scene." "You've never had any experience of the other side, have you?" "As a matter of fact - Of course not." "This is loft-style living." "Why would you buy anything I'm selling?" "Face it." "I could be something nasty pretending to be something nice." "Sorry to throw that at you." "That was Jay." "He said that." "Jay Van Helsing was my dad." "Not was, dear." "Is." "They live on." "What else did he say?" "Well, he said you were unhappy." "He said you weren't well." "And if you don't mind me saying so I think he was right." "What else?" "Tell me please." "Not now." "I'm doing sessions at the Town Hall." "Come along." "I'm there all week." "Try the tea cakes." "Just kidding." "I'll see myself out." "There you are." "He's coming." "That's what you wanted." "And while we're about it keep that thing where it belongs, gives me the willies." "What do you want with the boy?" "What's he to you?" "A soul in torment, Karen." "It's my sacred duty to help him find peace." "You're up to something." "I only wish I knew what it was." "A good deed in a naughty world, Karen." "It shines out." "You'd be amazed at the joy it brings." "Where are we going now?" "There's someone I want you to see." "Will he be alive?" "She's a medium." "She found me." "It was amazing." "Total stranger, said she had a message for me." "What was the message?" "Dunno." "She wouldn't say." "Karen Speedwell, The Happy Medium." "What?" "Nothing." "Just do it." "I've got something coming through for Mabel, is it?" "Or perhaps Maude." "Let me see." "It's not very clear." "Anyone here got a name beginning with M?" "Maureen." "Quite possibly." "Maureen, yes." "I have a message from a man." "Big fella." "Not bad-looking." "Jack." "That's him." "Jack says, "Are you looking after the garden?"" "Garden?" "Does he mean the allotment?" "The allotment, yes." "He wants you to water the runner beans." "Jack never grew runner beans." "No, but he wants you to plant them first." "Will you do that?" "That would make him very happy." "Please!" "There's something else coming through." "It's you." "What do you want?" "Luke?" "Here." "It's Jay." "He knows how you felt all those years ago the day of the accident." "He says too much has been hidden for too long." "He wants you to know the truth." "Ah!" "I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen." "That's all for this afternoon." "Please excuse me." "Karen." "Karen!" "Karen." "Are you all right?" "You seemed a bit shaken up." "Well, your man Jay takes no prisoners." "I have to see you." "Yes." "Come to the house tomorrow." "In the morning." "No offence, Luke, but you should come on your own." "I sense your little friend may be less than simpatico." "Am I right?" "See you tomorrow." "Not too early." "I've got a migraine coming on." "I can't believe it." "What?" "With all you know you fall for that load of tosh!" "How did she know my dad's name?" "You probably told her." "Luke, it's all an act." ""He wants you to plant them first."" "I mean, honestly!" "It's easy to mock, but the way things are she's all I've got." "Are you serious?" "I'd say she's the only one I can trust." "In that case I feel sorry for you, Luke." "See you around." "By the power of the moon and the stars by the air above and the waters beneath by the powers thou mayest not refuse so do I summon thee." "For pity's sake, woman, what is it?" "Can't you do anything by yourself?" "The boy's arriving now." "You promised you'd be here." "And here I am." "Don't panic." "I told you I'm not doing this on my own." "Now... ..do I have your full attention?" "Lovely." "The boy will come." "You will do what you do." "I will do what I do." "When we've finished he'll be a much happier and a wiser lad." "Nothing could be simpler." "DOORBELL RINGS" "Right then." "Are we a team?" "Excellent." "It's showtime." "Luke." "Welcome." "Look at you." "Come in." "Ah!" "JAY's VOICE:" "Luke." "Luke, my son." "I've waited so long to speak with you." "Dad?" "Is that really you?" "You must have many questions." "Yeah." "What's it like where you are?" "You mean death?" "It's very flat." "At first I thought it was like Nebraska." "But I was wrong." "It's nothing like Nebraska." "Being dead is like nothing at all." "She's getting tired." "We must be quick." "Luke, you are in great danger." "Rupert Galvin is from the half life and is plotting to kill you as he once killed me." "It was an accident." "It was a car crash." "Staged by Galvin to protect his Half Life friends." "He was my murderer." "Don't let him be yours." "Beware of something nasty pretending to be something nice." "Swear on the token I gave you as a child." "Swear on the cross of St Luke when I send you the means you will kill Galvin, do you swear?" "I swear." "What do you want me to do?" "Watch and wait." "One day soon I'll send you a messenger." "Someone who'll bring you the means to destroy him." "Go now." "We'll talk again." "He's gone." "Did he get what he wanted?" "I'm sure he did." "JAY's VOICE:" "I'd say we gave him plenty to think about." "What'll it be?" "A word." "A young associate of mine had a bit of a run in with a pyromancer." "So I heard." "What else have you heard, Sandy?" "N-n-n..." "How about we miss the bit where you say nothing and go to where you tell me what I want to hear?" "He's been talking to a medium." "Karen something." "Half Life?" "Human." "Who's she working with?" "I don't know, Mr Galvin, I swear." "Do you want me t-to...find out?" "I'd consider that a favour, Sandy." "Sandy, please wait till I've gone." "Luke, is that you?" "I thought you were supposed to be on leave." "Not necessary." "I've never felt better." "So tell me about this Karen Speedwell." "A woman like that has to be a fake." "What could she do for you?" "She's already done it." "Arranged a face to face with my dad." "It was fascinating." "I learned all kinds of things." "Professor Rupert E Galvin." "Out of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania." "May I?" "Just a second." "I don't know you, do I?" "No, ma'am, but I know you." "Your fame goes before you." "I'm a psychic researcher." "I'm studying the UK's top clairvoyants." "Trying to get a feel for how you all do what you do." "This the consultation suite?" "Thank you so much." "Hold your horses!" "What a pretty room." "There's such a thing as a professional code." "Let's not be coy, Ms Speedwell." "You and I are in the same business." "So why not relax and let it all hang out." "My gifts are a mystery entirely beyond my control." "I'm a mere vessel, a channel through which my spirit guide gives succour to troubled souls." "Fascinating." "Do you think you could rustle up this...spirit of yours?" "Maybe we could chew the fat." "Shoot the breeze." "What do you say?" "Out of the question." "He's self-effacing." "He shuns the limelight." "I'll bet he does." "You know what this is?" "This won't harm you physically, no, ma'am." "But the electromagnetic pulse right here, you see?" "That'll fry your psychic nerve ends permanently." "I think you know what I'm saying." "You're not a real researcher." "Bye-bye, ghosties." "Hello, welfare." "Call him." "Now." "By the power of the moon and stars by air above and waters beneath by the power thou mayest not refuse, Mr T, I summon thee." "What now, you stupid cow?" "Can't you manage on your own for five..." "Oh, no." "Gladiolus Thrip, I thought you were " "Why are you not dead?" "Mr Galvin, don't be like that." "Talk, you festering plug of drain slime." "Festering plug of drain slime!" "That's more like it." "Lovely turn of phrase, eh, Karen?" "What are you up to?" "What lies are you telling Luke?" "Lies!" "Hear that, Karen?" "Now we get pilloried for a simple act of charity." "Putting the boy in touch with his dear dead dad." "If you try to turn him against me, I'll rend you in pieces." "Oh, no, Mr Galvin, violence won't help." "In fact if I might say so violence is half your problem." "The violence of the past rising up like sewer gas." "You topped the boy's father, didn't you?" "You killed him stone dead." "Go on." "Tell me I'm a liar." "And now he knows." "So the game's up." "The chickens have come home to roost." "Festering plug of drain slime!" "Very good." "I must write that one down." "'Those that offer you friendship will not always be what they seem." "Beware of something nasty pretending to be something nice." "Those that offer friendship will not always be what they seem.' Luke!" "'Those that offer friendship will not always be what they seem.'" "If you're in here, we need to talk." "'Those that offer friendship will not always be what they seem." "Beware of something nasty - '" "I've been to see Karen Speedwell." "Her spirit guide was Thrip." "He's a bounty hunter, you know that?" "The Half Life paid him to turn you and me against each other." "It was a trick." "You were never talking to Jay." "Do you recognise it" "The sign of St Luke." "Given to me by my dad at my christening." "Check it out with Simeon." "Wait." "What am I saying?" "That's if you hadn't killed him, too." "Don't I even get to tell my side of the story?" "Yes." "Start talking." "It was an accident." "The car went off the road." "Jay was unconscious." "There was nothing I could do." "It was you." "The one in the shadows." "You were there." "You left him." "There was nothing I could do." "Nothing you could do?" "Or nothing you would do?" "Jay was my best friend." "That is the truth." "You have to believe me." "No, I don't." "Not anymore." "From now on I go my own way." "Are you quitting on me?" "I wouldn't say that." "I'd say I was keeping the faith with my dad." "Remember, denial is not an option." "Other people have a choice." "You have a destiny." "You're the last Van Helsing." "Ssh." "Calm down." "What are you doing here?" "Nothing, I swear." "Milk of human kindness." "You're not human." "Figure of speech." "I was worried about you, boy." "The brush with the pyromancer, nasty business." "My spies tell me you got splashed." "Given you the heebie jeebies, has it?" "Skeleton's crawling out of your cupboard, that type of thing?" "I'm fine." "Keep your bony nose out of my business." "Don't push it, lad." "You're not up to it." "Look at you." "You're in a right old state." "Nothing like a pyromancer for a good clean out." "But like you say, none of my business." "Here... got a little prezzie for you." "What's that?" "Where did you get it?" "Well, it ain't a bunch of daffs." "And I didn't get it down Tesco's." "Not even in these troubled times." "The fella who gave it me said it was a means to an end, and you'd know what to do." "Steady, tiger, don't shoot the messenger." "Tell you what," "I'll leave you to it." "Give my best to Mr Galvin." "He's often in my thoughts." "DOORBELL RINGS" "Hi." "Sorry about the other day." "Don't worry." "It's not a problem." "Thanks." "I said the wrong things." "It's not a problem really." "So what about Galvin?" "What about him?" "He's not my all-time favourite person, but you and him not talking doesn't feel right." "I don't like it." "You don't?" "I'm supposed to care about that, am I?" "OK." "Don't start." "Whatever's between me and Galvin I'll sort it." "In my own time and in my own way." "You cool with that?" "Yeah." "Good." "Our Happy Medium has clearly sent him over the edge." "I've never seen him like this before." "He's gone..." "I don't know." "Screwy?" "Yeah." "Totally." "Hello." "Karen?" "Hello?" "Mina." "I don't think our medium's quite so happy anymore." "Aaaagh!" "It's Thrip." "Thrip?" "What the hell's he doing here?" "He told Luke to kill Galvin." "What do we do now?" "Galvin." "We need to meet up." "Get a few things straight." "He's leaving." "Luke." "Is that it, Mr Galvin?" "Don't make me laugh." "You hear this, Thrippy, you miserable scab of puke, go anywhere near the boy and I will personally rend thee." "I wouldn't want that." "No, indeed, I've seen you rending, Mr Galvin." "That's something I'd be very keen to avoid." "Bracing." "Now remember what happens next?" "It's my turn." "No, it's not." "It's my turn." "That phrase keeps coming back." "Something nasty pretending to be something nice." "The car was on fire." "I had to choose between you and your father." "You could have gone back for him." "You could have tried." "Perhaps." "But you didn't." "You betrayed him." "Your father betrayed you, Luke." "Galvin saved your life." "Your father was on the verge of going over to the Half Life." "For him future lay in raising hybrids: half human, half entity" "So what?" "You're a hybrid." "That's different." "I made my choices and paid the price." "Jay was reckless." "He was prepared to sacrifice anything, even you." "You're lying." "He was going to let you be brought up by them." "You'd never have seen Jenny again." "So you stopped him by letting him die." "No." "He stopped him by saving you." "If this is true, why has he never told me?" "He didn't want you to know." "In spite of everything he wanted you to think well of your father." "Marvellous." "Marvellous." "I don't know whether to throw flowers or throw up." "Come on, son, finish him for Gawd's sake." "Do one thing right." "Make your old man proud." "Luke!" "Don't listen to him." "Karen's dead." "He killed her like he killed Simeon to turn you against each other." "I don't believe you." "Course not." "I am but a humble messenger." "So cut the crap and get on with it." "A humble messenger!" "There's only one way to find out." "Mina!" "Aaaagh!" "Trip." "We are one, you and I." "I know thee, and I call thee by thy name." "Vampire." "Aaaagh!" "Aaaagh!" "Aaaaaagh!" "This is the uncut version of your dad's tape." "'There are dragons out there." "I wish I could keep you safe." "Those who offer friendship will not always be what they seem." "Beware of something nasty pretending to be something nice." "And don't always assume the worst of those who don't understand." "I used to be the enemy, the Half Life." "But over the years..." "I've learned to walk a different road." "The future lies in the Half Life and the human working as one." "That's why I'm giving you to them, Luke." "One day... you'll be the shining example of the dawn of a new era.'" "'One day I hope your mother will forgive me.'" "You pulled me out of the burning car." "Whatever happened between you and my dad's in the past." "Let's leave it there, shall we?" "Good for me." "Where's Mina?" "I owe her big time." "Mina has issues." "Issues that are going to take some time to resolve." "transcript:chocolate sync:innuit"