"Not too hot?" "Can you give me a scrape and a few" " hot towels?" " Yes, sir." "I'll leave you to stew." "Right, sir." "I hope the cat doesn't fiind the moustrap in the car." "On your side of the wall?" " Buying British defense secrets." " Who from?" "Not much of a day, is it?" " Someone in the war offiice." " Let's hope it brightens up." "Who exactly?" "I'm taking a risk." "If I were found out..." "That's the life of a double agent." "Double the risk... and the pay." "Thank you, sir." "We've narrowed it down to three." "Group Capt. Miles." "Brigadier General Godard, and Vice-admiral Willows." "One of them is a traitor." "Hot towel for you?" "Yes." "Question is: which one is the rotten apple?" "any ideas?" "Coming, sir." "Finish you off in a second." "an admiral, a brigadier, and a captain." "Who is it?" "Commander Red." "Request permission to board." " I've come to see Willows." " Yes, you're expected." "Benson!" "Where did he go?" "There you are!" "Where's the top half?" " Sir?" " My uniform jacket!" "Right away, sir." "By the way, this is Commander Red." " admirality business, is it?" " Yes, sir." "Too busy." "First race is at 1:30." "Ramsdown Park. a little fiilly I've had my eye on." " Tomorrow?" " Triple quinea stakes." " Day after?" " Races." "Next week perhaps?" "Here you are." " Good." "Where's my bridge coat?" " Sir?" " My top coat!" " Right away." " Idiot!" "If Walters were here..." " Walters?" "The chap I had before Benson!" " He really looked after me." " He disappeared?" "I don't know what happened." "a.W.O.L. Jumped ship." " If you'll wait here, Major White." " Thank you." " I'll announce you." " Right." "Down!" "Get your head down!" "Take cover!" "By George!" "That was close." " Brigadier Gen. Godard?" " Brigadier?" "What's this, fruit salad?" "Major General!" " Sorry, sir." " It's my son you want, Percy." "Now, you can reconnoiter the west ridge." " The west bridge, sir?" " By the fiire tongs." " Yes, sir!" " Off you go." "I'll cover you." "Keep your head down!" " What do you want?" " Sir?" "With Percy." "That's who you came to see." "His career interests the regimental magazine." "I wouldn't print a word about him." "He's a traitor." "Ought to be shot!" "Father!" " I told you not to play here!" " Play?" "Play?" "Manoeuvres then." "Go to the garden." "Don't blow up the roses!" "Off you go!" "Charge!" " Major White, isn't it?" " Yes." "War offiice called me." "Regimental magazine?" "..." "That's right, sir." "Sorry about my father, the old nuisance." " Drink?" " Too early." "He's harmless, really." "He made some very strange accusations." " accusations?" " Of treason." "Oh, that!" "Because I'm not in the cavalry regiment." "He can't understand it no longer exists." " He can't adjust." " Really?" "I wonder..." "this interview..." "Is it urgent?" "Tomorrow?" "I have a very bad headache." "Something I ate." "Something you ate?" " Certainly." " I'll call the butler." "Reeves!" "Don't bother." "I'll see myself out." "I told you not to call here." "I haven't chickened out." "I can't talk now." "Tonight." "The study at 10." "I'll leave the window open." "I'm sorry, sir." "The general is at home to no one." "This way, sir." " Good morning, sir." " Good morning." "Can I help you?" "I wanted to speak with Capt. Miles." " He's out." " Bad show." " Squadron Leader Blue." " Squadron Leader Hogg." "I wanted a word or two for the magazine." " I'm acting as P.R." " From B.H.Q.?" "B.H.Q." " On T.T.R.?" " J.J.V. Candidate from R.H.V." " Really?" "How's the G.S.M.?" " a1." " M.O.I.?" " Shifted P.P.R." " Down grade us to 007, eh?" " Upgraded B.B.5." "Got his G.G.Q.?" "How's Theo?" " Okay." " Yeah." "Bang on." "Sorry, the door was open." "The butler." "He's disappeared again." " Come in, old chap." " Good show!" " Coffee?" " Disappeared?" "The butler." "Hemming?" "Yes, yes." "In the garden." "always trimming roses or something." "Got green fiingers." "What can I tell you about the G.C.?" "Decent chap." "Offiicer and a gentleman." "Demon for work." "and other things." " Eh?" " Oh!" "I see what you mean." "Georgie-Porgie." " Georgie-Porgie?" " Yes, G.C. Miles." "To the girls." ""Georgie-Porgie, puddin' and pie..." ""Kissed the girls and made them cry." Does he?" "I don't know, they rather seem to enjoy it." "Runs his amourous adventures like a military operation." "ah!" "a fresh supply!" " Good afternoon, Mr. Hemming." " Good afternoon, Sgt. Moran." " Champagne, caviar, foie gras." " Thank you." " The G.C.'s entertaining tonight?" " Correct." "a young lady?" "What's she like?" "Blond, brunette, redhead?" "Sgt. Moran, I don't gossip about G.C. Miles." "Everyone knows he's susceptible to a pretty face." "But how susceptible?" "That's what I'm to fiind out." "If a man's susceptibilities are to be stretched, if he's to be pushed to betraying Queen and country..." " who better than you?" " Vital?" "It's no exageration to say..." " The nation is at stake." " Practically." " Secrets are being sold..." " To the other side." "By one of three people." "a gambling admiral, a drinking general... or a G.C. who..." " a G.C." " Name?" "Georgie Miles." " Habitat?" " Mostly this bar." "You'll pick him up easily." "He will come to me." "Excellent." "Excuse me, sir... madame..." "another drink?" "The lady will, but I'm going." "I'm going to see who's visiting the general's butler." "What's going on here?" "Call the guard!" "Hello?" "I've been calling for hours." "Where are you?" " In the countryside." " Eh?" "Taking in the country air." " Have you contacted Miles?" " No." "I have to interrupt your holiday, but it's time to act." "It's all in hand." "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, zero." "Operation Fascination has begun." "Objective:" "Group Captain Miles." "You rang, sir?" "Coffee, Hemming." "Black coffee." "Very good, sir." " I say, less noise." " Right." " Hemming!" " Sir?" "Did I bring a young lady here last night?" " Yes, you did." " Who was she?" "You did not confiide to me her name." "are you all right?" "Yes!" " Well?" " Well?" "Miles is at the bar." "You don't look too well this morning." "I'm a little hung over." "Heavy night?" "I don't remember much." "I wish I did." "I don't see any progress." "You're here." "He's there." "Darlings!" "The usual?" " The competition's mounting." " Competition?" "What competition?" "There I was... guns jammed, controls shot, enemy..." "I'm dining with him." "You're remarkable." "admiral Willows and Brigadier Godard lost their butlers." "They got replacements here." "I'm going into service." "You?" "I'll endeavor to give satisfaction." "I'll give you a reference." "Don't forget your date." "Don't do anything I'd do." "I apologize, sir." "I rang, but..." "My name is Steed." "I wish to enroll." "You rang, sir?" "Indeed, Benson." "How did this gentleman get in here?" "I'm sorry, sir, I was in suit sponging class..." "No excuse!" "You set a poor example for Mr. Steed." "Steed?" " Haven't we met?" " afraid not." "all right, Benson." " Benson!" " Sir?" " aren't you forgetting something?" " Forgetting something..." " Will that be all, sir?" " You may go, Benson." "Thank you, sir." "Hubert Hemming." "I'm the director here." "You're in service for G.C. Miles." ""The Miles household." admirable, Mr. Steed!" "Good use of the vernacular." "Yes, I do serve G.C. Miles." "How do you fiind the time...?" "a labor of love." "Benson, myself, all the tutors here contribute what time they can." "We train recruits to be butlers." "We also endeavor to raise our own standards." "I see." "Now, I take it you wish to enroll." "as soon as possible." "and... have you ever been in service?" "Then you have references." "The Duke of Dothup." "the Earl of Isley... and the Honorable Fleghorn." "Excellent." "Really excellent." "Your demeanor... is promising." "Very promising." "We'll make something of you." "It won't be easy!" "Our lessons are arduous, but you'll learn many things." "You'll start at the bottom:" "polishing shoes." "One!" "Two!" "and... one, two, three!" "One, two, three!" "Firm, steady, stroke!" "Watch that welt!" "One, two, three!" "One, two, three!" "Right." "Excellent, gentlemen." "Moving on to more skillful things." "Pressing the master's trousers." "Poise the iron." "Poise, Jenkins." "Right." "Down and along, back and forth." "Back and forth." "Well done, Steed." "Nice, easy style." "I've seen him before." "Groom at a race, perhaps." "Or one of her Majesty's garden parties." "Or one of her Majesty's prisons." "Easy controlled movements!" "Dignity!" "Dignity at all times!" "Splendid." "It will soon be time to appear below stairs and enter the master's living room." "You rang, sir?" "Higher with the tray." "Your buttons aren't on!" "No smiling." "Obsequious, obsequious!" "Nice turn out, Steed." "Gentlemen, are we ready?" "and... one, two, three!" "Dinner is served, milord." "Watch that stance." "Turn... and... one, two, three, four!" "Your carriage awaits." "Wilson, your head is nodding." "You're supposed to be bowing." "Right and... one, two, three!" "a gentleman to see you." "Yes, much better." "at ease!" "Very nice, but you still have a lot to learn." "a great deal, before becoming masters in the craft." "Don't forget our slogan." ""Better, brighter, more beautiful butling."" "Our master shall lack nothing!" "Excuse me." "Telephone." " I'm not here." " It's the C.F.E.E." "Tell them..." "C.F.E.E.?" "Excuse me, dear." "C.F.E.E.?" "Commission for Eastern Europe." "I beg your pardon, a lady..." "Consult the card." "Lady Mickle-Biddy to see you, sir." "Do I know her?" "I think not, sir." "What's she like?" "Young and pretty." " She is young and pre..." " No!" "Clear your throat after "She is", implying awareness of a delicate matter." "a discreet sound." "Go on." "She is..." "young and rather pretty." "Splendid." "Rather, I like that." " Very original." " Hubert?" "I just had a call about you." "It's rather foolish of you." " Shouldn't you reconsider?" " No, no." "I've told you:" "I'm not leaving, period." "as you wish." "Trouble, sir?" "No." "You mentioned leaving." "a flattering offer." "I'd have to leave the G.C." " But you've refused." " Yes." "Had you accepted to leave the G.C., we'd provide a replacement?" "Enough!" " Get on with your sponging." " Yes, sir." "What the devil are you doing?" "Practice on those suits there." "Not these." " Gentlemen?" " after you." " No interruptions, Hemming." " Yes, sir." "Group Capt. Miles's residence." "Speaking." "What?" "Let's get to work." "I want to discuss installations on the east coast." "Not a word, brigadier." "Would you care to join me?" "Yes." "a security ruling to foil hidden microphones." "I can't leave now." "If it's that urgent, I could slip out." "He'll be in conference for quite some time." "Benson." "Benson!" "Hemming is no longer in our way." "It's over." "allow me, sir?" "The new man, Steed." "I've checked his references." "He's an impostor." "I'll attend to him too." "Good night, sir." "Hemming!" "Would you come this way?" "and a cigar." " Shoot me..." " Cigar!" "a light?" "Not bad." "Not bad at all." "Excellent butler, poor forger." "Your references here, the Duke of Dothup, the Earl of Isley, the Honorable Fleghorn." "I've checked them." "They're names of pubs." "What's your story?" " Stole the family silver?" " Something like that." "I thought so." "a thief, a petty thief." "Serve yourself a drink." "Forged recommendations are the best." "You're going to earn real money." "Poor Hemming is dead." "How will his master manage... without him?" "Good morning." "I have an appointment." "Madame is anticipated." "May I take your coat?" "Madame looks the cat's whiskers." "Emma, you look ravishing." "Ravishing!" "Come in, my dear." "Serve the aperitifs now." "You like my etchings?" " You have quite a few." " The best are upstairs." " an aperitif, madame?" " Thank you." "My own concoction." "I call it "Romantica"." "Do sit down." "Make yourself comfortable." "Let's have some music." "anything you prefer?" "I leave the choice..." "entirely up... to you." "That's much cosier." "Now... let's get to know each other." "Emma..." "I'm sorry!" "Did I hurt you?" "Not at all." "Jolly little painting!" " Who did it?" " Carter somebody." " When?" " about 1820." "It's a Paris street scene." "Painted there?" " I think." " Water colour?" "and this one?" "Engraved, Jonathon Peabody, 1776." "Darling..." "Should I serve the fiirst course?" " No!" " Right, sir." " What now?" " The champagne." " Should I serve it?" " No, wait until I ring!" "You rang, sir?" "Yes, you can open the champagne." "as you wish." "all right." "I'll do that." "You may go, Steed." "Georgie, you and I must have a chat." "You said you'd do anything for me. anything at all?" "You're kidding!" "Betray secrets?" "You think that I..." "You're joking." " No." "I was testing you." " and I've failed." " You passed." " I don't understand." "Sit down." "Have some tea." "You must be awfully warm." " But..." " Yes?" "Surely you expect me to... all the others do." "Corny and very boring." "Do you mean that?" "You don't mind if I don't seduce you?" "Not for a second." "I'd love some tea." "It's my reputation." "I don't know how I got it... but I'm stuck with it." "a real Casanova." " It's very tiring." " Must be." "Never mind." "Put your feet up." "There is one thing I'd like..." "Group Capt. Miles's residence." "Yes, sir." "I'll tell him." "One, two, three, four!" "No, it's my turn." " I've got to get the rest..." " I'm two up." "Sorry, sir, but there's been a call." "Yes?" "a conference." "Your presence is requested." "I was winning too!" "Sorry, my dear." "Where is the conference?" "at Brigadier Godard's." "Stay and have that tea!" "Steed will take care of you." "See you later." "He's out." "I tested him." "What did you offer him?" "Never you mind." "He's no traitor." "I didn't think so." "a butler knows his master." " That's it." " The right man in the right place." " Hemming couldn't be bribed." " So here you are." " Now what's the link..." " Stealing secrets." "and the butlers?" "They haven't told me yet." "We haven't got all day!" "Yes, Benson." "I've got it." " Well?" " I know why I'm here." "When Georgie-Porgie gets back..." "I'm to spill wine on him." " See you again soon." " Good bye." "Idiot!" "Have it cleaned." "I'll have to change shirts." "By thunder, that's the 3rd time this month!" "See to it!" " Ham fiisted ass!" " My apologies." " It's ruined!" " I was careless." "I'll take it to my pantry." " There you are." " I'll soon have it cared for." " attend to it." " Indeed." "I'll take it." "I'll have it cleaned." " Steed!" "Where..." " accept my resignation." "Look." "a miniature tape recorder." " Every word..." " Recorded for posterity." "If we tighten up radar stations..." " Yes." " I'm not sure." "Don't forget our submarines..." "We have delivered the goods." "Don't you think?" " think..." "Yes, I'm the boss around here." "Sergeant Moran." "Barman, dishwasher." ""Yes, sir", "No, sir"." "20 years on the front." "I got a medal." "Now I just polish glasses." "Me, Sergeant Moran." "But now it's my turn." "Get rid of them in the park." "Very good." "Please..." "This way." "Charge!" "I don't need a gun to kill a woman." "Heads up!" "Retreat!" "Look out!" "Close quarters combat!" "Force home!" "Bravely fought!" "Splendid battle." "What are you doing here?" "Intelligence work." "I saw a butler mucking about with Percy's unform." "Knew something was up." "I'll mention your name." "and a word about women in the front-line." "Don't like it at all." "Most distracting."