"Good evening." "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the first case on today's docket is entitled" ""Malice Domestic. "" "I hasten to add, however, that "Malice Domestic"" "is not about the servant problem, nor is it a puff for imported wines." "It is concerned with some mysterious doings in a family of three." "Carl Borden, his wife Annette, and their charming dog, Cassandra." "To give you a clearer picture of exactly what happened, we now transport you to the scene of the crime where we shall reenact it." "Oh." "There you are, Lorna." "Been looking all over for you." "Thank you." "Thanks." "We've got to have a farewell drink together." "You've no idea how much we're going to miss you." "Town won't be the same without you." "Well, I'll miss you, too." "All of you." "It's been wonderful living here." "I've made so many friends." "We're counting on absence making the heart grow fonder." "That's the trouble with a career." "The firm commands." "You can only obey." "But I love it." "We mustn't lose touch with one another." "Oh, for heaven's sakes, Annette, she's not going to Timbuktu." "San Francisco's only 90 miles." "I'll certainly be coming to visit you, if you'll have me." "I'll want to see how Cassandra is getting along." "I'm so glad you're taking her." "Cassandra." "What a name for a dog." "It's a shame you have to give her away." "Well, I can't have a dog that big in an apartment." "Well, you couldn't have given us anything that Carl would like better." "He adores all dogs." "With or without pedigrees." "You'll have to tell me exactly what she likes to eat." "Oh, she's not at all finicky." "It's quantity with her, not quality." "If you cook for her the way you cook for me, she'll put on 10 pounds in a week." "Carl's spoiled." "What more could a man want?" "He's got a wife that's an artist in the studio and an artist in the kitchen." "It's his art I'm worried about." "Afraid he'll become so entranced with the dog, he'll never finish his book." "Come September and we'll have your publishers howling across the country." "I hope you won't find Cassandra too much trouble." "She's quite housebroken." "I'm sure we won't." "Just be firm." "Treat her as you do Carl." "No dog could stand for that." "Let's have a dance." "We'll see you later." "Okay." "Well, if you can stand spending your last night doing a last generation fox trot, I'd be a very happy partner." "Mr. Harrison, I shall be delighted." "I'm going to miss you." "That was a wonderful party." "You know, despite what she says," "I think Lorna's really very glad she's going to San Francisco, don't you?" "Well, I suppose if the firm's sending her, she can't do much about it." "Where's that dog?" "Cassandra?" "Cassandra." "Oh, for heaven's sake." "A big thing like you huddling there in the corner." "You're just a big baby, that's what you are." "We're going to be good friends, aren't we?" "Well, she certainly seems to like you." "All the girls do." "Go on over and shake hands with the lady of the house." "Go on, Cassandra." "Come on, Cassandra." "Come on." "Go on, idiot girl." "Go on." "Carl?" "Yeah?" "Carl, can you come here a moment?" "All right." "Well, what do you think?" "That's beautiful, dear." "What color do you plan to make the glaze?" "Oh, some sort of an antique green." "A celadon to carry out the Chinese effect." "I really think that's one of the best things you've done." "How's your work coming?" "Fine." "You'll be finished by the 15th?" "Well, I think so." "Carl," "I'd try very hard." "Not only because of the deadline, but this is a perfect time for a story like this..." "I'm writing as fast as I can." "Yes." "I'm sure you are." "Well, we'd both better get back to our work." "Oh, you know what all work and no play makes?" "What's the matter, darling?" "I just wanted your opinion on my vase." "Something's wrong." "What is it?" "It's nothing." "I've just been working very hard and..." "You know how I am when I'm in one of my creative moods." "Just tell me what I've done." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Now, don't tell me it's nothing." "It's been going on for weeks." "Ever since you came back from that trip, you've been different." "Carl, that's what I've been thinking about you." "You know, I think we're two very stupid people imagining all sorts of things that don't exist." "You mean there's nothing really wrong?" "Of course not, you idiot." "Prove it." "Well, it just goes to show you two women can't live happily in the same house." "Oh, that was a delicious dinner, Annette." "I still contend, you're the best cook in town." "You're always so flattering, Perry." "You've no idea what it does to my morale." "How about a liqueur?" "Oh, thanks." "Your usual green mint over ice?" "Yes, please." "How about you, darling?" "You don't have to ask me." "How's everything at the bank, Perry?" "I suppose my investments are losing money." "You know I look after them as if they were my very own." "What's the matter?" "A little indigestion, I guess." "I'm all right now." "Hadn't you better call Dr. Wingate?" "No, no, no, it's nothing." "I'm all right now." "I'll get some ice." "You know, you really do look ill." "Do you have indigestion often?" "No, but whenever we have strawberry shortcake, he always over-indulges." "That I can't deny." "Annette." "I'm playing golf on Tuesday." "How about having lunch with me at the club?" "I'd love to." "Oh, what are you working on now?" "Oh, a vase." "It's based after an old Chinese design." "I think it's one of the best things she's ever done." "Oh?" "I'd like to buy it when it's finished." "I'd like you to have it, Perry." "Annette, do you seriously think you can go on..." "Hello, Ralph." "Can you come over right away?" "I've got a terrible pain in my stomach." "I don't know what it is." "What is it?" "Well, it could be a virus or something he ate." "What did he have for dinner?" "A cold vichyssoise, chicken cooked in a wonderful wine sauce, broccoli hollandaise and strawberry shortcake." "Well, that's a little rich." "That's probably what it was." "But we'll run some tests on you next week, just to make sure." "Now you just take it easy." "There's nothing serious, is it, Ralph?" "Oh, I don't think so." "Of course, I'll know better next week." "Just see that he gets some rest, Annette." "Yes." "I will." "Annette?" "How about lunch?" "1:00 all right?" "Yes, 1:00's fine." "Give you a lift, Perry?" "Oh, no thanks." "I have my own car." "Good night." "Yeah." "Carl, don't you think you'd better go to bed?" "In a minute." "What do you say, baby?" "You want to go to bed now?" "Hello, there." "Oh, hello, Ralph." "How's Carl?" "Oh, he's feeling much better." "It was nothing." "Well, just the same, he should have a checkup." "We all should have." "Though I must say, for somebody who's elbow deep in clay all day long, you're looking remarkably well." "Oh, I have my clay days and my good days." "This is one of my good days." "Oh, have you had lunch?" "No, thanks, I'm skipping it." "Weight." "Taking my own prescription." "Though, I will have some coffee." "Well, fine." "Waiter, a cup for Dr. Wingate, please." "Have you heard anything from Lorna?" "Yes, she telephoned last night." "She adores San Francisco." "She wanted to know all about Cassandra, of course." "We must have talked at least a half hour." "She wants us to come up and stay with her." "Well, a change could do you both good." "You haven't been feeding Carl too much strawberry shortcake again, have you?" "No." "I watch his diet like a hawk." "Actually, he's losing weight." "Good." "Good." "I know how difficult that is." "Physician, heal thyself." "You know, on second thought," "I don't think I'd better wait for that coffee." "Well, if I intend doing any work today, I'd better get on home." "Oh, Perry, I'm going to pay you a professional visit in the next few days." "A few bad investments I want to unload." "Listened to too many patients on stocks." "And since you're leaving, Annette, I can drop you." "Oh, no." "Don't bother." "You're in a hurry." "Well, got to make a house call." "Takes me right past your place." "Well, if it's not out of the way." "Thanks for lunch, Perry." "I'll talk to you later." "Perry." "Thank you, Ralph." "That's Cassandra." "Something must be wrong." "How do you feel now?" "Better, thanks." "Ralph, what is it?" "Oh, honey." "I'm sorry about that vase." "I was just putting it back on the shelf when I blacked out." "Oh, it doesn't matter." "What's wrong, Ralph?" "Well, that's what I'm trying to find out." "I want you to stay in bed for a couple of days." "I'm going to put him on a light diet." "Fruit juices and soups, nothing solid." "Light diet, my eye!" "Annette likes to cook and I like to eat." "Do you want to deprive us of..." "Nothing solid, understand?" "Oh, don't worry about that." "After all those tests he gave me and those gadgets he used," "I ought to be able to eat anything." "You just behave and do as your wife tells you." "Oh, I'll take you to the door." "That's all right, Annette." "I can find my way out." "All right, come on, baby." "Come on, girl." "That's right." "Come on." "Get up." "Get up." "Come on." "That's all right." "Come on over here." "Don't you think you ought to get some rest?" "In a minute, honey." "In a minute." "Cassandra." "Hiya, baby." "Carl, you shouldn't be up." "You should have called me." "Oh, I feel fine." "A little sore, that's all." "But am I hungry." "I'll get you some juice." "How about you, baby?" "You had breakfast yet?" "Hello?" "Oh, hello, Ralph." "How do you feel?" "Fine." "Awfully hungry, though." "Haven't eaten yet?" "No." "Good, don't." "I want to run another test while the stomach is empty." "Oh, not again." "I'll be right over." "Oh, good morning, Ralph." "Morning, Annette." "How's Carl?" "He's feeling much better." "He's working." "I brought him some orange juice, but he said that you didn't want him to have any yet." "That's right." "Oh, Annette." "I'd like to speak to Carl alone, if you don't mind." "Of course I don't mind." "Good morning, Ralph." "Morning." "Well, what are you looking so happy about?" "Carl, I want you to be serious for a moment." "You were mighty sick yesterday." "Oh, you're telling me." "You're lucky not to be dead." "Where did you have lunch yesterday?" "What did you eat?" "I ate at home." "Annette fixed me a bowl of onion soup before she went out to lunch with Perry." "So you ate the soup and soon after you were seized with violent pains, retching, collapsed unconscious." "Right?" "Yeah." "The report I got from the laboratory this morning shows that you swallowed at least a grain and a half of arsenic." "A grain and a half?" "That's quite a dose, isn't it?" "It could have been fatal." "Well, how could I have gotten any arsenic?" "Fresh vegetables or something?" "They spray 'em, don't they?" "They don't spray with arsenic anymore." "Then there was that other attack last week." "Remember?" "Yeah." "You ate at home then, too." "What are you hinting at?" "I'm not hinting." "I'm telling you." "The chances against it being accidental are one in a thousand." "Someone is feeding you arsenic." "If I didn't know you so well, I'd break your neck." "I know what you're driving at, but you're wrong." "If I have been poisoned, there's obviously some kind of a weird accident." "Arsenic is easy to get, Carl." "Ant paste, weed killer..." "All right, I heard enough!" "I'm sorry, but I had to tell you." "I can't stop you from thinking your rotten thoughts, but I can stop you from talking and I will." "If you so much as breathe a word of this to anyone, I'll kill you." "And don't forget that, because I mean it." "Goodbye, Ralph." "Goodbye, Carl." "I've told you." "Now it's up to you." "Carl?" "Yeah?" "What did he say?" "What's wrong?" "Oh, he just used a lot of medical jargon." "I don't think he knows any more than I do." "I've got a nervous stomach, that's all." "But now I feel fine." "You know what I think we ought to do?" "Go away on that vacation we've been promising ourselves." "Do you remember that lake at the back of Tahoe where we used to go?" "Big Leaf Lake." "I think we're ready for a little lonesome fishing." "I think that's a great idea." "We'll start in the morning." "I'll be all right then." "Oh, but what about your vase?" "Don't you want to finish that first?" "Come here." "I want to show you something." "Well?" "What a beautiful color." "Why, I never saw a green like that." "That's the secret of my success, mixing colors." "But how do you get that translucent quality?" "You won't go telling my professional secrets, will you?" "No." "I swear." "It's a copper glaze." "Remember when we were in the south of France last year?" "Well, I went over to Vallauris to see their ceramics." "I learned this trick from one of the artists I met there." "I sprinkle a little of something they call Limoges Green into the glaze before I fire it." "And then..." "Hello." "Oh, Perry." "Yes." "He's feeling much better." "And we're going on a fishing trip tomorrow." "Yes." "I'll call you as soon as we get back." "Yes." "Oh, sure." "Yes, we'll send you a pretty picture postcard." "Okay." "All right, goodbye, dear." "That was Perry." "Well, I guess there's no harm in the juice now." "You must be starved." "Annette, do you love me?" "Why, yes, of course I do." "Why did you suddenly ask a thing like that?" "Here's to you, darling." "Carl?" "Yeah?" "Cup for the road." "Bags all packed?" "All packed." "I want no complaints out of you." "Oh, I forgot the sugar." "Now, you're going to behave yourself at that kennel while we're gone." "Oh, did you get my fishing equipment?" "You bet." "That's the most important part of the luggage." "Remember the first time we went to Lake Tahoe?" "That log cabin by the lake?" "Yeah." "With the two bunk beds and one blanket for the two of us?" "And I got cold..." "Let's not talk about the past." "Long live the future." "Better get the bags in the car." "Come on, baby!" "That's it, come on." "Come on." "All right." "Now, stop that." "Come on." "And don't look at me with those big, limpid eyes." "What goes on behind those big sensitive eyes of yours, huh?" "Oh, if you could only talk." "A lot of privacy a couple would get then, wouldn't they?" "I guess God knew what he was doing when he made man's best friend dumb." "Bless you for being dumb, baby." "Oh, Annette, I don't see the liquor here." "I remember seeing you pack it, but..." "Oh, I know, it's in the study." "Come on." "Honey, I forgot the..." "I wish it had been me, Perry." "I can't understand it." "Take it easy, Carl." "Well, if it had to happen, I'm glad it happened this way." "You wouldn't let me take care of you, but the fates did." "Obviously, she was over-confident." "Some little thing distracted her attention and she made the mistake" "and drank the wrong cup of coffee." "She poisoned herself instead of you." "But she seemed so happy with me." "We were going on a trip together." "I don't want you to worry about anything here." "There won't be any unpleasant scandal or publicity." "Nothing like that." "You see, I knew, and in spite of what you said to me yesterday," "I told Chief Nichols." "Well, he and I talked to the coroner and they have agreed to play it down as much as possible." "I think you ought to get away from here as soon as you can, away from this house," "make a complete break." "I took a big chance, baby, but it worked." "The first time I wasn't too sick because I just took a small dose of arsenic." "But that second time, oh, oh..." "That second time, you almost lost me altogether." "I tell you, I was sick as a dog." "You are all wondering, no doubt, how Carl Borden ended up in the jug." "It is quite simple." "His dog, Cassandra, was really a detective in disguise and turned him in at the next town." "It's getting so a man can't even trust his best friend." "This concludes this session of our little court of inhuman relations." "I hope you will rejoin us when we next present a different case." "Good night."