"Play ball!" "No outs!" "Nobody out!" "Stay alive out there and be alert." "Any ground ball, we're going to run, ok?" "Any ball on the ground, we're going to run it." "Come on, guys." "Keep your head up out there." "Come on, Billy." "Knock it out of the park." "Mom, I'm not even up yet." "Way to go, Larry!" "Everyone's out." "Are you nuts?" "They're all safe." "What?" "Yeah." "They're all on the base, so they're all safe." "Let's play ball." "Give me a break." "Come on, ump." "What's the call?" "The call?" "Uh..." "Billy?" "Well, actually, the base goes to the lead runner, so Sam's safe." "Larry and Tommy are out." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "The same thing happened to the Brooklyn Dodgers back in 1926." "The batter was Babe Herman." "They awarded the base to Dazzy Vance." "Ok." "You two, take a seat." "Let's play ball!" "They're all safe." "Hey, I took a shot." "What happened?" "Billy told them." "Lead runner gets the bag." "So Billy's up now?" "Yeah." "Come on, Billy." "Knock it out of the park." "You heard your mom, Billy." "Park one." "Take him downtown." "Cut it out, Chuck." "You know he's not going to hit a homer." "Every time he tries, he swings too hard and misses." "Oh, yeah." "Forget the homer." "Just try to get hit by the pitch." "Good game, Artie." "I should have worked the count." "I can't believe I swung at the first pitch." "I can't believe you actually hit the ball." "Your eyes were closed." "My eyes weren't closed." "Yeah, right." "You wish." "Nice going, fellas." "Thought you had 'em there." "Hi, Grandpa." "Hi, Mom." "You guys were terrific." "It would have been more terrific if we won." "I was thinking if you guys weren't too depressed, we could go get some ice cream." "Shotgun!" "You had it on the way!" "I think they got over the loss." "You know, it's so weird." "Your grandfather's, like, the richest man in the world, and nobody here even knows." "They all just think he's a normal person." "He is." "You think he's richer than Mr. Howell?" "Who?" "Thurston Howell... the third." "You know, the guy from Gilligan's Island." "I don't know." "Maybe." "What do you mean, "maybe"?" "He's got to be." "Billy, your grandfather owns the Minnesota Twins." "There's no way Mr. Howell has that much money." "Why not?" "He could." "Think about it." "If Mr. Howell was all that rich, what was he doing taking a cruise on the S.S. Minnow?" "Now, remember, guys, eat as many of these as you possibly can for the next 15 years because after that... you can't eat anything that tastes good for the rest of your life." "Thanks, Mr. H." "Yeah." "Good tip." "That's a wonderful tip." "Say, you fellas want to go to the ball game with us tonight?" "I can't." "I've got to go to my grandma's." "I'm grounded." "Hey, you're not making up excuses because the Twins are losing?" "You're not front-runners, are you?" "No way." "I'd rather see the worst team ever than go to my grandma's." "Ok." "It's only May." "A lot can happen." "Mr. Heywood, are you as rich as Jed Clampett?" "Chuck!" "I piss on Jed Clampett." "Ha ha ha!" "Man, do we ever get you out?" "You're killing us." "Boy, it was a great move signing Lou to that multiyear deal." "You think so, huh?" "Yeah." "I just wish O'Farrell would use him better." "I mean, he hits him behind Lonnie, and nobody's protecting him in the order." "Another George O'Farrell fan, huh?" "Now don't start that again, Arthur." "You're my general manager." "You're supposed to back me." "You may not like his personality..." "I know, I know." "He's a good baseball man." "That's right." "Arthur, I am convinced we have the talent to win." "Something's been missing, but I haven't been able to put my finger on it." "I'm hoping a little jolt from a guy like O'Farrell might make the difference." "Well, you could be right if no one gives him a little jolt first." "Hey, you got it all wrong, Mac." "I don't have to answer to you!" "I'm the manager of this ball club." "You don't like the way I treat the pitchers, feel free to take a walk!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Joe, call my wife, will you?" "Tell her I'm going to be late." "I'm going for a walk." "A long walk!" "Yeah?" "Well, go ahead." "Who cares?" "Hey, Mac." "There are plenty of pitching coaches around this league, plenty of them, and guess what." "Some of them actually fit in their uniform, you fat slob!" "Ha ha ha!" "Oh, you think that's funny, Scales?" "Well, let me tell you what I think is funny... the thing that you call a swing!" "Now you better start hitting, kid, or you're going right back down to AAA, you got that?" "And that goes for the rest of you clowns that call yourself a goddamn baseball team!" "You're going to kill me, Hamilton." "You're going to kill me!" "What do you think?" "I got to give it a 6." "That door slam was kind of weak." "I'm telling you, she's never going to go for it." "Don't worry about it." "I'll handle your mother." "Hi, Jack." "Just leave it to me, ok?" "Jim." "Hey, Mr. H." "Say, you looked good out there." "Hey, Billy." "Hey, Lou." "I've been reading my sun-tzu..." ""destroy thy enemy."" "Attaboy." "Hey." "Was Coney tough tonight, or what?" "You hit him hard." "I don't know." "He made me look pretty bad on that "k" in the ninth." "Oh, come on." "Who would have thought." "Cone was going to throw a 3-2 change-up with bases loaded?" "Well, I'll bet you did." "You did, didn't you?" "You knew it." "So how are you doing?" "You staying out of trouble?" "Yeah, sure." "Good." "Don't let me hear any different." "How's your mom?" "She's good." "All right." "Say hi for me, will you?" "All right." "Hey, is that Billy?" "Hey, Jerry." "What's up, man?" "How'd you do today?" "Oh, not so great." "I grounded out to end the game." "Did you do what I told you?" "You get your weight back and your shoulder in?" "Yeah, I did everything." "I still can't hit." "I don't know." "I think the problem is I'm a spazmo." "Ha ha." "Come one." "It just takes practice." "If you work on it some more, you'll get it." "You know, a game like tonight really puts me in a bad mood." "I guess I'll just have to take it out on you." "Take your best shot." "All right." "1951, the Dodgers and Giants," "Ralph Branca on the mound." "Give me a break." "Bobby Thompson hit a home run." "The Giants won the pennant." "Yes, he did, but my question to you is, who was on deck?" "Who was on deck?" "That's the question." "Jeez, I have no idea." "A young man by the name of Willie Mays." "No way." "Way." "Ok, Grandpa, here's an easy one." "Who was the first black player to play in the major leagues?" "You'd like me to say Jackie Robinson, but I'm not going to." "Fleet Walker, Toledo." "I believe it was 1884." "You are in a bad mood." "Hi, guys." "Have fun?" "We lost, but we still had fun." "That's good." "Hey, how about getting ready for bed?" "Ok." "Thanks, Grandpa." "Any time, buddy." "Good night, sweetie." "Oh, Lou says hi." "Awful nice young fellow, that Lou." "Thomas." "Look, Jenny, I know you loved my son, but I think it would be good for Billy to have a man around the house, and I'm sure you could think of a couple of things to do with one yourself." "Thomas!" "Ha!" "See you tomorrow." "Good night." "Hey, I almost forgot." "I wanted to ask you if it was ok for Billy to go to the game on Tuesday." "Oh, no, you don't." "It's Boston." "Roger Clemens is pitching." "Not on a school night." "It's Roger Clemens, the greatest strikeout pitcher in the game today, and Billy has never seen him live." "I can't help that." "Jenny... when I was Billy's age," "I had a chance to see Walter Johnson pitch." ""The big train," they called him." "But I didn't go, and for me, he was the greatest pitcher that ever lived, and I never saw him play." "And, you know, when you get to be my age, you realize you only get one shot at this thing, and it doesn't last forever." "So if you get the chance to see something really special, you don't pass it up." "Well, if you're going to resort to wisdom," "I guess I don't have much choice." "Tell you what." "Billy has a science project due Tuesday." "If he gets it done, he can go." "But don't bet on it." "He's not exactly the world's most diligent student." "I have faith in him." ""The rocket" Roger Clemens." "I can't believe you pulled this one off." "What do you mean?" "I got my science project done, didn't I?" "That was the deal." "Of course you got it done." "This is the same volcano you turned in last year to Mrs. Dewgar." "This is way different." "Last year was Mount Vesuvius." "This is Mount St. Helens." "Look." "I added all these trees." "Oh, yeah." "I didn't even notice that." "Is that a Spruce?" "Gentlemen, I'd love to stay and chat, but "the rocket" calls." "Heywood!" "Oh, man." "Hi, Mr. Patterson." "Young man, this is the third time I've had to warn you about running in the halls." "Perhaps a little time in my office might slow you down." "I'm sorry, Mr. Patterson." "It won't happen again." "Well, see that it doesn't." "Thanks." "It won't." "Mom, I'm home." "Listen, you don't have to make me any dinner." "I'm going to grab a couple of dogs at the game." "Mom, what did you do with my mitt?" "It's not in my closet." "Mom?" "Billy... it's Grandpa." "Even though he was an owner, you never felt like he owned you." "He listened to you, respected you, found the good in you, which wasn't always easy with this bunch." "He signed me out of high school when I was 17." "Ever since then, he's been my boss, but through all the years," "I've only thought of him one way." "Thomas Heywood was my friend." "The world just lost a real good guy." "Now, Jennifer, as you may know, after your husband Thomas Jr." "Passed on, your father-in-law taped a personal message as an adjunct to his will." "Rivers down low on the hop to Ewing." "Turn-around." "Yes!" "Patrick Ewing on fire!" "It's coming up." "He taped over an old basketball game." "And this a critical sequence for the chi..." "Jenny, Billy, hi." "Well... if you're watching this tape," "I guess I'm dead." "I'm sorry." "But still, I had a pretty good run though, huh?" "Anyway... the reason I made this tape is, there is one bequest I wanted to tell you about myself." "Billy... you're my best friend in the world... and I want you to have my very favorite thing... the Minnesota Twins." "Now, it's possible that you may still be a little young, but if that's the case," "Arthur and the other people in the organization can run the day-to-day business for you." "Remember, Billy, I'm doing this because I have faith in you." "You love baseball, and you know more about the game than anyone I've ever known." "So I don't care how young you may be, Billy." "I trust you." "Take care of your mom." "She's the best." "Isn't that wonderful?" "Your grandfather gave you the Twins." "I'd rather have my grandfather." "So, you mean you own the team and the stadium?" "Uh-huh." "That's unbelievable." "Can I borrow 5 bucks?" "I don't have 5 bucks." "You're, like, Billy Heywood?" "Yeah." "Well, could I, like, have your autograph?" "You want my autograph?" "Could you, like, make it out to Shelly?" "Sure." "I can't believe it." "Thanks." "Wow." "Shelly Hogeboom." "What a babe." "Man, when my grandfather died, all I got was his sweater." "This is awesome." "We should play our little-league games here." "Yeah." "Great idea." "I'm sure we'd fill the place." "Hey, get on first." "Let's see if I can make the throw from third." "Lou Collins, normally a first baseman, playing third today." "Makes a great stop." "The throw to first, and..." "Good arm, Lou." "Hey, what are you kids doing?" "Get over here." "How did you kids get in here, anyway?" "I'm Billy Heywood." "Is that supposed to mean something to me?" "Um, I have an appointment to see Mr. Goslin." "You got any I.D.?" "Roberts!" "Roberts!" "Oh, gee." "See what you done." "You done got me in trouble." "Come on, kids." "Get out of here." "No, no." "No, no, no, no." "This is Billy Heywood." "He owns the ball club." "I got to get back on that Stairmaster." "Gee, I'm sorry, Mr. Heywood." "This is just my first week on the job." "I didn't know." "That's all right." "Listen, my friends are going to hang out here and throw the ball around if that's ok." "Sure thing, Mr. Heywood." "You got it." "I'll make sure no one bothers them." "How great is this?" "Hey, get behind home plate." "All right!" "All right." "Ha ha ha!" "Oh, that's good." "What is that, a change-up?" "Yeah, you wish you had a hook like that." "Hey, Blackout." "Blackout, come here." "What's up, skip?" "Let me explain something to you." "I didn't trade for you for your curve ball." "I don't like your curve ball." "As a matter of fact, I hate your curve ball." "You want to know why?" "Why?" "Because the damn thing don't curve!" "Now, I'll make this real simple for you." "When the guy behind the plate puts one finger down, you throw the ball as hard as you can." "Understood, Cementhead?" "What the hell are you looking at?" "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "Taking infield." "Well, then, let's do it, ok?" "Let's do it." "Hi." "I'm Billy Heywood." "I think you have a great curve ball." "You're just dropping down a little on the release." "Whoo!" "Mr. O'Farrell?" "You know, I was thinking, you really scream at these guys a lot, you know, and maybe it's not such a good thing." "You think I yell too much, huh?" "Yeah." "It's like in school." "I could do good in math, except Mr. Smith's always yelling." "When he yells, I get nervous." "I've lost total confidence in my long division." "Long division." "Let me tell you something, kid." "Your grandfather hired me to rattle the cages of these animals, and that's exactly what I'm going to do." "You got it?" "Huh?" "Yeah." "Except it's not working." "So couldn't you just stop, please?" "Yeah." "Sure, kid." "Hamilton!" "Hamilton, what are you doing?" "You're killing me here!" "You're killing me." "Hi." "Hi." "I was just, uh..." "Stretching?" "Yeah." "Anyway, I just came by to pick up the boys." "You haven't seen them, have you?" "I think they went in the clubhouse to raid the t-shirt bin." "Aha!" "Thanks." "Sure." "See you." "Ok." "Jenny." "Does Billy have a birthday coming up?" "Yeah." "The 22nd." "How did you know?" "I was invited." "To Valleyfair?" "So are you going to be there?" "You think I'd miss my chance to ride the thundering frog?" "So do you mind if I come along?" "You know, it wouldn't look good, me snubbing an invite to the boss' big party." "I think you're right." "That wouldn't look good at all." "So what do you want to do tonight?" "You want to go to the mall?" "Nah." "I've got too much homework." "Homework?" "You own the Twins." "Yeah." "If I owned the Twins," "I wouldn't even show up here." "I'd just hire a bunch of scientists to do my homework." "I mean, if you're rich, you don't have to be smart." "That's the whole beauty of this country." "Heywood!" "Mr. Patterson, I wasn't running." "I was barely walking." "Into my office, please." "It's for you." "Hello?" "Billy, big news." "The commissioner's office just declared." "Rickey Henderson a free agent." "Rickey Henderson?" "Wow." "Yeah." "Here's the best part." "His people contacted us." "I think we got a shot at him." "That's great." "What?" "What is it?" "Is it a trade?" "Big trade, or what?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Patterson." "It's confidential." "I'm sure you understand." "So here it is." "Rickey wants a 3-year deal, 18 million, a house, a golf membership at Fair Oaks, a dog, and a Ferrari Testarossa." "He wants a dog?" "I don't know." "An Albino Russian Wolfhound." "It's what he wants." "You got to give it to him." "It's Rickey Henderson." "Yeah, you got to." "Give him two dogs." "O'Farrell thinks he's a bad influence." "Says if we try and sign him, he'll quit." "Who cares?" "O'Farrell's a jerk." "Yeah, but still." "He's a great ballplayer." "I don't want him." "I had trouble with him when I was third-base coach with the Yankees." "You had trouble with everybody when you were third-base coach for the Yankees." "I don't want him." "Mr. O'Farrell, with all due respect, you're acting like a first grader." "All right." "Now look." "I've had it up to here with this crap." "If you want to play around in the owner's box with your little buddies, that's fine with me, but you stay out of my office, out of my clubhouse, and off of my field," "do you got it?" "Yes, sir." "Good." "Now why don't you go home and build yourself a fort or something?" "I think I got a better idea." "It's really weird." "I never fired anyone before." "Funny thing is, didn't even matter." "Henderson re-signed." "So who you going to get to replace O'Farrell?" "I don't know." "Whitey Herzog turned us down." "Same with Valentine." "None of the good guys want to work for a kid." "You should do it." "Yeah, right." "Get real." "No, you get real." "You'd be great." "Do you know how hard it is to manage?" "It's the American League." "They got the D.H." "How hard could it be?" "Yeah." "Think of it." "You could lead the Twins to the pennant." "Manager of the year." "Billy, serious, man." "The Twins need you." "Me?" "Pardon?" "Me." "My choice is me." "Billy... we'd be the laughingstock of baseball." "Not if we win." "Come on, son." "Be serious." "I am serious." "You'd help me, wouldn't you, Mac?" "Well, Billy, it's not that easy." "There's a lot to this game." "A lot." "It's all situations." "Situations and tendencies." "And the more you've seen, the more you know what to do." "Ok." "Try me." "What?" "Make up a situation." "Try me." "All right." "We're playing the Yankees, no one out." "Scales is on first..." "great speed." "Lou's up." "Two and one count." "Abbott's on the mound." "Lefty." "Lonnie's on deck, and remember, he's a switch-hitter." "What do you do?" "What's the score?" "Tie game." "What inning?" "Home or away?" "Eighth." "Home." "Who's catching?" "Who's rested in the bullpen?" "Who's up in the ninth for the Yanks?" "Stanley, everyone, 7, 8, 9." "Ok." "I let Lou hit away." "With Mattingly holding Scales, he's got that big hole to hit to." "No." "See." "That's what I'm talking about." "You got lefty against lefty." "Lou's a good bunter." "You only need one run, so you sacrifice the go-ahead run to second with only one out." "No." "You sacrifice him to second, they walk Lonnie and bring in Steve Farr to pitch to Spencer." "So you've taken the bat out of our two best hitters, our 3 and 4 men, and we've got Spencer, a righty with no speed, against Farr and his palm ball, which means..." "Double play." "You could pinch-hit for Spencer." "Now you've taken the bat out of our 3, 4, and 5 hitters." "Not exactly a great trip through the heart of our order." "Any questions, Mac?" "Yeah." "What's he need me for?" "Now look, Commissioner, the kid is for real." "I mean, he knows this team inside and out." "Yeah." "I..." "I understand that, but Mac will stay on as pitching coach and..." "Tell him about the attendance." "And to tell you the truth, sir, we could really use the publicity." "I mean, it's only June, and people are already talking about gopher football." "His mother?" "Uh, yes, sir." "His mother said it's ok with her if it's ok with you." "Are you sure the commissioner approved this?" "Yeah." "He said it was ok with him if it was ok with you." "I don't know." "The more I think about this..." "Mom, come on." "You said you wanted me to do something constructive this summer." "You said, "Jimmy Brackman has a job." "Why can't you get a job?"" "Jimmy Brackman is a paperboy." "Oh." "So you just don't want me to get a good job." "What about your friends?" "It was their idea to begin with." "They'd kill for this chance." "Mom, trust me." "Grandpa did." "Give me your gum." "First of all, I'd just like to say this is really cool." "Hall of Famer Bob Lemon once said," ""Baseball was made for kids." ""Grownups only screw it up."" "With this in mind," "I would like to announce that I have named myself the new manager of the Minnesota Twins, effective as of tomorrow night, at which time, my commitment to Theodore Jeffries Elementary School will be complete." "Any questions?" "How the hell do they expect us to play for a kid?" "How's the boy going to know any strategy?" "What do you care?" "You never throw to the right base, anyway." "Bite me." "Hey." "There's no way a kid can do this." "No way." "Tell me about it." "And I thought going 2-for-August in '91 was the low point in my career." "This is going to be a nightmare." "I don't know, man." "Kids today are amazing." "I played winter ball down in Venezuela." "They had kids half his age, every one of them speaking Spanish." "That's a hard language." "They speak Spanish in Venezuela." "I know." "That's my point." "What are you going to do, Lou?" "Pretty much what I always do." "If I'm in the lineup, I'll play." "If I'm not, I won't." "Does anyone else find it disconcerting that our new manager can't get into an R-rated movie for another 6 years?" "Oh, that's good, Bowers." "Oh, that's rich, real funny." "This kid is taking food off our table, and you guys are sitting around making jokes." "I don't know about the rest of you geniuses, but I'm not putting up with this crap." "I'm going to be a free agent next year, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let my career be ruined by some mutant little leaguer." "Hi, guys." "Hey, Mark." "How's the knee?" "Why?" "Are you the trainer now, too?" "Just trying to be friends." "Want a friend?" "Get a dog." "Well... since it's already quiet," "I guess we might as well start the team meeting." "I'm going to make this short, although I should practice since I have public speaking next year." "Oh, this is going to be even worse than I thought." "Anyway, here's what I want to say." "I think this team is great." "I mean, look at this." "We got Lou Collins and Lonnie Ritter." "You guys are all-stars." "Mike McGrevey, you should win 20 games every year." "We've got speed." "We've got defense." "We've got pitching." "We've got it all." "I think we can win this thing." "I don't know about you, but I'm psyched." "Look." "I know you guys think I'm a joke, and maybe I am, but I'll make you a deal:" "You guys play hard for a couple of weeks." "After that, if you don't like the way I'm managing, if we're not winning," "I'll fire myself." "I'm dedicating this season to my grandpa, so even if you don't want to do it for me, do it for him." "From the Metrodome in the Twin Cities," "Hello, everybody." "This is Wally Holland." "And a historic event here tonight, as 11-year-old Billy Heywood makes his managerial debut." "The atmosphere is electrifying." "A big sellout crowd to see what the boy wonder can do." "Ok." "That's it, let's go." "Game's about to start." "Mr. Heywood is a busy man." "Let's go." "Ha ha ha!" "Good luck, honey." "Thanks, Mom." "Is this the lineup card?" "Wow." "Let me see this." "Look, Billy," "I don't want to add any extra pressure, but Shelly Hogeboom is sitting in section 121." "Really?" "Man, I can't believe you didn't start Wedman." "He kills the Tigers." "Look, guys, I've got to go." "Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute." "You've got something on your face." "Mom!" "Come on." "The guys are watching." "Nobody's watching." "Strike one." "The count now 2 and 1 to Mark Hodges." "Hey, Mac." "Let's go with the hit-and-run." "Going out for milk and cookies after the game, sweetheart?" "Hodges settles back in." "Lonnie off first." "Cannon delivers, and there goes Lonnie." "The throw down to second." "He's out." "Not even close." "That jackass." "He missed the sign." "He didn't miss it." "What are you talking about?" "He didn't even swing." "He hung Lonnie out to dry." "I know." "One out here, bottom of the ninth." "Twins trail by two, and Billy Heywood looking to send up a pinch hitter for Pat Corning." "Jerry, grab a bat." "What's up, J?" "Big knock." "There you go, baby." "Here's Jerry Johnson, celebrating his 11th season with the Twins." "He's had a rough go of it so far." "Not many at bats." "His batting average...194." "That's nearly 80 points below his career average." "Strike one." "Oh, boy, he sure looked bad swinging at that pitch." "Last year, though, he was sixth in the American League at hitting right-handers he was facing for the first time after the seventh inning at home." "So that's something to keep in mind." "The 0-1 pitch." "Swing and a miss." "Strike two." "Don't worry, Mac." "He's a pro." "He'll come through." "Strike 3, and Johnson goes down swinging on 3 straight pitches." "That leaves it up to 22-year-old rookie second baseman Mickey Scales." "He hasn't shown much with the bat this year, and I'm a little surprised young Billy is going to let him hit." "Popped up." "Tettleton settles under it, and that should be the ball game." "Welcome to the big leagues, kid." "It was a slider." "It was a slider." "I had Tettleton 0-2, and I figured, you know, what the hey," "I've had good luck against him in the past..." "Here he comes." "I hope to face him again in the future." "You know, funny story about Tettleton..." "Give me the honor of being the first reporter to second-guess you." "If you could do it again, would you pinch-hit for Scales in the ninth?" "I mean, in the last 4 games..." "Mickey's the one I wanted in there." "We needed an extra-base hit, and he's got great power to the gaps." "I wouldn't even think of pinch-hitting for him." "Hey, I like this kid." "He's all right." "Of course you do." "He's the only guy in the world that thinks you can hit." "What about that steal with Lonnie in the fourth?" "You still think that was the right call?" "Now wait a minute." "First of all, it wasn't a steal." "I guess not." "If I had to do it over again," "I'd probably call for a hit-and-run." "Great move, Hodgy." "Ignore the hit-and-run... make the kid look bad." "He'll be gone in a week." "I can't believe you lost to the Tigers." "They stink." "Like you could do better." "Told you." "Should have started Wedman." "I hate fishing." "I love it." "It relaxes me." "We've been doing this for two years, and we haven't caught one fish." "Maybe this isn't even fishing." "What do you mean?" "Well, maybe it's not actually fishing until you catch something." "So, what are we doing?" "So John "Blackout" Gatling is struggling." "One down, men on first and second, and he's behind in the count... 3 and 0." "What was wrong with that one?" "Well, Gatling's done." "We've got to get him out of there." "Yeah." "Let's go with Bowers." "Right." "Well, I'll go break the news to Blackout." "No." "That's ok." "I'll tell him." "Son..." "Blackout gets a little intense out there." "He doesn't like to be taken out of games." "Who does?" "What the hell do you want?" "You're a little wild... high." "Maybe you're overstriding." "Go away." "Um..." "Well, I'm going to bring in Bowers now." "No, you're not, Ratboy, not if you want to live to see puberty!" "That's enough, Blackout." "Hey, all-star, it doesn't matter to me." "You take a number, because I'll kill you next." "I said that's enough." "Whose side are you on, man?" "His." "He's the manager." "I got news for you." "You don't take me out of the game, not if you want to win." "Why?" "You think Bowers can't pitch?" "You think you're the only relief pitcher we got?" "I didn't say it like that, man." "That's not what I meant." "Well, that's what it sounds like." "I just want you to know," "I had nothing to do with this." "Another tough loss for Minnesota, their fourth in their last five games." "And Billy Heywood remains winless in his young career." "An interesting side note." "That's the 14th one-run game for the Tigers already this year, tops for any team north of the Mason-Dixon line whose home games are not played in a dome." "I don't know." "I think the kid's doing pretty good." "Yeah, Shorty's really working it out there." "Boom." "Takes out the big fella." "Boom." "Puts in Bowers." "Boom." "Loses the game." "Yeah, why don't we let him win one before we put him in the Hall of Fame?" "Tough loss, guys." "I really thought we were going to win that one." "We're not going to win anything with a kid for a manager." "You know, it seems to me, you didn't win last year with Jackson." "Certainly weren't winning with O'Farrell." "Maybe I'm not the problem." "Maybe the problem is you guys forgot how much fun this is." "You're major leaguers." "I mean, you're on baseball cards." "What could be better?" "Multiyear deal worth big bucks." "That's what." "Don't you understand?" "You guys get to play baseball every day." "You get to go to Yankee stadium, play in the same outfield as Joe DiMaggio and Mickey Mantle." "You get to go to Fenway park, step in the same batter's box as Ted Williams." "Look." "From now on, let's stop worrying about winning and losing." "Just go out and play and have fun." "If you make an error, forget it." "If you strike out, who cares?" "Just as long as you hustle." "Tomorrow's an off day." "The season starts Friday." "I want everybody here early." "We're going to try some things." "We're going to have a little fun." "I hate fun." "Do you think he'll be ok?" "Are you kidding?" "This is nothing compared to the Corkscrew." "I was thinking in slightly larger terms." "You mean like life." "Yeah." "I mean, this whole baseball thing is so bizarre." "It is a lot to take on for a little kid." "I know." "I worry about him." "What about you?" "What about me?" "Who worries about you?" "I do ok by myself." "Really?" "Yeah, really." "When was the last time you had a real date?" "A real date?" "Yeah." "You know, you go to a restaurant with a guy you don't know very well." "You sit at a table." "You eat food that's not on a stick." "Well, let's see." "Today's Thursday." "So my last real date would have been... 14 years ago, and that was with my husband." "At the risk of breaking a pretty impressive streak, you want to go see a movie sometime?" "What happened to food that's not on a stick?" "We could do that, too." "What did he say?" "I think he said, "Get off the bridge."" "In a move reminiscent of Tommy Lasorda, young Billy Heywood has decided to coach third." "Let's see if it brings the Twins any luck." "Pat Corning stands in." "Scales dances off third." "That's ball 3 to Corning." "Terry Hillers looks a bit rattled out there." "Time, Ump." "Time." "Scales seems to be getting to him." "Listen." "I want you to take this pitch." "If it's ball 4, we're going to go with the play." "Are you sure this is legal?" "Of course." "It seems like a little-league play to me." "No way." "Ty Cobb and "Wahoo" Sam Crawford used to do it all the time." "Just try it, will you?" "You're the boss." "Here's the 3-0 pitch." "Ball 4, way outside." "Look at Corning hustle down to first base." "Wait a minute." "He's rounding first." "He's trying for second." "Cates checks Scales." "The throw down." "And here comes Scales." "A throw back to the plate." "Safe at home." "Safe at second." "Oh, my!" "¶ You know, the girl you love ¶" "¶ She don't treat you right sometimes ¶" "¶ You know, the girl you love ¶" "¶ She don't treat you right sometimes ¶" "¶ Well, that's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ because you know your girl is a liar ¶" "¶ You know, the girl you love ¶" "¶ stays out all night long ¶" "¶ Yeah, the girl you love ¶" "¶ she stays out all night long ¶" "¶ and that's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ because your girl's treating you wrong ¶" "¶ I need my hat, go get my coat ¶" "¶ Uh-huh, 'cause I found out, baby ¶" "¶ you don't want it anymore ¶" "¶ That's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ Well, that's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ That's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ if you don't wanna lose your girl ¶" "¶ You know, the girl's no good ¶" "¶ but don't you make no change ¶" "¶ Should be mine, should be mine ¶" "¶ Oh, the girl's no good ¶" "¶ but don't you make no change ¶" "¶ Should be mine, should be mine ¶" "¶ That's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ because they're just about all the same ¶" "¶ She spends your dough ¶" "¶ She drinks your gin ¶" "¶ and if she rode around the corner ¶" "¶ then she's ready to go again ¶" "¶ That's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ That's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ That's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ if you don't wanna lose your girl ¶" "Coach, put me in there." "I can throw strikes." "Come on." "¶ Well, that's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ if you don't wanna lose your girl ¶" "¶ Yeah, that's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ if you don't wanna lose your girl ¶" "¶ Well, that's the stuff you gotta watch ¶" "¶ if you don't wanna lose your girl ¶" "Aah!" "Man, I can't remember the last time the Twins won six in a row." "Yeah, and the best thing is, I don't have to fire myself." "Gentlemen, I just landed on "go."" "$500, please." "No, no, no." "You've got to go to jail." "What do you mean?" "When you landed on "go,"" "you got 500 bucks." "Yeah, but you're the third guy." "The third guy to land on "go"" "always goes to jail." "Really?" "Yep, that's the rule." "Man." "You are so lame." "Here's your money." "I knew that." "Hi, guys." "What?" "You look great, Mom." "I mean, you always do, but now you do, too." "Thanks." "Hi, Jen." "Hi." "You look great." "Whoo!" "Oh, no." "It's the Bash brothers." "What's up, Skip?" "Hey, Lou." "Billy, you sure you're ok with this?" "Yeah." "I think it's great." "My mom on a date." "Yeah." "Film at 11:00." "See you guys later." "Good night." "Have a nice night." "See you, boys." "Good night, Lou." "Bye, guys." "Oh, man." "Lou and your mom." "Give me a break." "Lou, I love you so much." "That's it." "You're dead." "Man, why'd you buy me this pizza parlor?" "I like Chinese food." "Lonnie, this is an unbelievable moneymaker." "I know, but..." "I like Chinese food." "Hey, Mac, do any of our guys doctor the ball?" "You know, like throw a spitball?" "I mean, I don't care." "I just think I should know." "No, I don't teach the spitter." "It's a totally illegal pitch, and I'm against it." "Now, on the other hand, if you put a little piece of sandpaper..." "I was looking at some of the tapes, and what you were saying about my mechanics... you were right." "So, uh..." "I guess what I'm trying to say is, uh, you're not a Ratboy." "Thanks." "Yeah." "11.5%, tax-free..." "I had it since '82." "Unfortunately, they called the bond last month, so I took the money, put some in munis, and the rest I took a flier on." "It's an oil company in Colombia." "Oil, huh?" "Mm-hmm." "You think this is a good time to refinance my house?" "Ahem." "Everything's fine." "Not entirely." "It seems that several of the ballplaying gentlemen are causing a disturbance in room 415." "Ours." "Ours." "I apologize, sir." "We'll take care of this right away." "No, no." "That's all right." "I'll go." "You guys stay here." "This is the manager's job." "Ohh." "Bite me." "How could that miss?" "Now, William," "I cannot stress this enough." "You've got to allow for the wind factor." "It's vital." "You understand?" "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "McGrevey, 1:00." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "Wonderful." "Come on, baby." "Oh, that's too easy." "His head's so big, it's not even fair." "Need one." "Give it 3 feet to the left." "Bombs away." "Bowers!" "I know it's you, buddy." "I know it's you." "Yeah." "Way to go, Skip." "Way to go." "Great shot." "Evening, boys." "Hey." "I was just watching." "Come in." "Nurse Lewis." "Nurse Richards." "What can I do for you?" "That's just it, Doctor." "You're always doing something for everybody else." "We thought it was time someone did something nice for you." "Girls." "Girls, please," "I'm on call." "That's perfect, because I need a specialist for what I've got." "Careful, please." "That was a gift from my third wife." "Chuck?" "Listen." "Haven't you ever given an exam in your office before?" "Night Nurses from Jersey." "Yeah." ""They're off the turnpike and on duty for love."" "It's on all night." "You just hit a button, they send it right to your room." "The great thing is, nobody knows." "Hold on, I've got to go." "They just got a new patient." "Now, what are we going to do about this blood pressure of yours?" "Line drive base hit, and the Red Sox refuse to quit." "A man on first and third and only one out." "How sad." "Another tragic victim of the Night Nurses from New Jersey." "Thought you might want to get up for this." "The go-ahead run is on first." "What?" "Sorry." "Ground ball to Scales." "Flips to Corning, back to Collins." "Double play." "Way to go, guys." "Now, how does it go again?" "Cowboy rides into town on Friday." "He stays 3 days, and he leaves on Friday." "How did he do it?" "All right, one more time." "Ok." "There's a cowboy." "Right." "He rides into town on Friday." "Weighed 250 pounds." "He used to waller in the mud all the time..." "No, he didn't." "What do you mean?" "Well, it's a scientific fact." "A pig becomes a hog at 180 pounds." "So?" "So what does that make your wife?" "Fat." "Don't you ever talk about anything that matters?" "You mean, like, money?" "No." "I mean like how to get off a team that's managed by a circus freak." "1-1 here, bottom of the second, and the Twins continue to look good." "I'll tell you what, folks." "They've marched into New York a razor-sharp ball club, firing on all cylinders." "Every man on the team's got an extra bounce to his step, with the possible exception of Mike McGrevey." "McGrevey shakes off the sign." "And again." "Paul O'Neill digging in." "Here's the pitch." "There's a drive to deep right." "Kain on his horse, and... he's got it." "Oh, what a catch by Tucker Kain." "All right." "Great grab, buddy." "Mike?" "What happened to the scouting report?" "What happened to off-speed and away?" "I don't know, Mac." "I guess it slipped my mind." "You're a freaking prima donna, McGrevey." "You don't deserve to wear that uniform." "You know, you're right, Mac." "I'm a disgrace to the Twins." "I think you should trade me." "Well, as soon as we find somebody dumb enough to take you, that's exactly what we're going to do." "No, we're not." "We're not trading you." "So what are you going to do, bench me?" "Nope." "Play you." "When it's your turn to pitch, you pitch." "Nothing changes." "You know, I don't think that's such a good idea." "I have a feeling my concentration is not going to be that good out there." "I might tend to forget some of those scouting reports." "Well, that's up to you." "You're the free agent." "Hey, Mac, what's the going rate for an absent-minded pitcher who can't get anybody out?" "McGrevey stares in." "The 0-2 delivery." "Blows it by Anthony." "Strike 3." "Here's the 2-2 pitch." "Got him!" "McGrevey out of the windup." "The big, sweeping hook freezes O'Neill, and McGrevey has struck out the side." "What has gotten into Mike McGrevey?" "Hello." "What?" "No, his life story is not for sale." "I don't care." "Come in!" "No, we're not hiding anything." "Fine, then it will be unauthorized." ""Get an unlisted number," they said." "I said, "No." "What do we need that for?"" "Pfft." "I don't know you." "This is Lowell." "We let him hang out with us sometimes when Billy's not available." "Hi there." "Would you guys mind bringing Billy his mail?" "Oh, no problem." "We'll take care of it." "Let's go." "Thanks, Chuck." "I think we should take a chance with him." "I think he's got a live arm." "I'm telling you, I like him a lot." "Who, Wedman?" "Hurry up!" "Listen, can I call you right back?" "Thanks." "What's the big rush?" "We're late." "We got the lanes reserved for 1:00." "1:00?" "I thought it was 2:00." "1:00, numb nuts." "It's the only time they had." "Come on, man." "Let's go." "I..." "I can't." "I got to go over all this paperwork." "Wow, you sound like my dad." "Hey, you talk when we tell you to talk." "Hey, listen, guys." "Thursday's an off day." "We got a light workout in the morning, but then nothing." "Why don't we go to Raging Waters?" "Raging Waters?" "Cool!" "Sorry." "We'll meet you here." "Thursday, 1:00." "Deal?" "Deal." "Yeah, baby." "Good job." "That will do it." "That's it." "What are we going to do about Jerry?" "He's just not cutting it anymore." "He'll be ok." "I don't know." "Ah." "You know the first game I ever saw," "Jerry hit a 450-foot homer to win the game." "Son, you can't afford to be a fan." "That's not part of the job." "We're in a pennant race." "We need a hitter up here." "The last couple I aired out, you know?" "My arm feels good." "Yeah, well, don't be a hero." "Ice it down." "Hey, Billy?" "Guess who I'm having lunch with today." "Who?" "Reggie Jackson." "You know Reggie Jackson?" "Are you kidding?" "I was his favorite pitcher." "He said he'd rather hit against me than anybody he ever faced." "Anyway, um, he wants to meet you." "He wants to meet me?" "Yeah." "He's a big fan of yours." "Wow!" "So what do you say?" "You want to go?" "Yeah, great." "Let's go." "All right." "I thought we'd go down to Hoolihan's." "They got a chiliburger down there the size of your head." "Where is he?" "I don't like this." "We had a deal." "Oh, forget it." "Let's go." "We don't need him, anyway." "Hey, wait up." "Wait up!" "Mom, I'm bigger than Godzilla." "I just had lunch with Mr. October," "Reggie Jackson, and he loves me." "Yeah?" "Well, good for you." "You stood up your friends." "Oh, man." "I forgot." "I'll get the team to sign a couple of balls." "I think you should call them and apologize." "I'll call them tonight." "Good, and while we're at it, there's another thing I'm not so thrilled about." "Night Nurses from Jersey?" "What's that?" "Save it." "Arthur sent me the bill." "11 times in 3 days?" "Must have been a good movie." "It was Bowers." "Honest." "He kept making me order it." "You want me to trade him?" "I will." "I'll send him to Detroit." "Billy." "I'm sorry." "I won't watch those movies anymore." "Good answer." "There." "See her?" "Right up there?" "She's right under the hardware Hank sign." "In the red?" "No, in the white." "Oh, God." "Yes." "Ok." "Cowboy rides into town on Friday, leaves 3 days later on Friday." "How'd he do it?" "Jerry Johnson heading to the plate trying to turn things around here in the second half of the season." "He's really fighting it, though." "One out." "One out now." "One out." "Big strike zone." "Oh, yeah." "Come on, Jerry." "Let's go." "Come on!" "The pitch." "Strike one." "Rodriguez, snap throw to first." "Not in time." "Eber sets." "The pitch." "There's a ground ball to the right side, through for a base hit." "Yes!" "All right." "See, Mac?" "This could be the start." "Way to go, Jer." "Way to go, Jerry!" "Son, don't you think there's something wrong when you get this excited over a seeing-eye single?" "You wanted to see me?" "Yeah." "Come on in." "What's up?" "Listen, Jerry, uh... we've decided to, um... well, you know, we've got to, uh..." "You've got to what?" "We've got to release you, Jerry." "We're bringing up Ronnie Parker from AAA." "What are you talking about?" "How can you do this to me, Billy?" "I thought we were friends." "We are." "I just need some at bats, that's all." "I mean, how the hell am I supposed to hit if I don't get to the plate but once a week?" "I can't believe this." "How do you think I feel?" "You're my favorite ballplayer of all time." "I mean, my... my friend Joey offered me a Wade Boggs and a Sammy Sosa card for you, and I wouldn't do it." "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" "Am I supposed to tell my wife that I just got cut by a 12-year-old, but it's ok because he likes my baseball card?" "I guess not." "You're making a big mistake." "I'm not through yet." "I'll catch on somewhere, and when I do," "I'm going to come back here and I'm going to stick it right in your face!" "I hope you do." "Billy." "What are you doing up?" "I don't know." "I wasn't tired." "Sorry I bothered you." "Whoa." "Billy." "Are you ok?" "Is it Jerry?" "No." "I know it's hard, but it comes with the territory." "It's not Jerry." "I just wanted to watch some tv." "Honey, it's past your bedtime." "So?" "I'm always up later than this." "Hey." "I thought we agreed." "Off nights you have to be in bed by 11:00." "Fine." "Then Lou has to be in bed by 11:30." "Are you serious?" "Yeah." "If I have to have a curfew, then so do you." "You can't give Lou a curfew." "Yes, I can." "I'm his manager." "And I'm  your mother." "Jenny, I better get going." "It is getting kind of late." "Forget it." "Who cares?" "Do whatever you want." "Twins trail the Rangers 3-2 here in the seventh." "Mickey Scales steps in." "0 for 3 today." "He struck out twice." "There's a bunt down third." "Palmer charges." "Scales digging for first." "Barehanded pickup." "The throw to first is wide." "Palmeiro with a sweep tag, and Scales is..." "He's out!" "Out at first!" "What?" "Come on, Blue." "He didn't touch me." "He didn't touch me." "That's brutal." "My mom can make that call, Blue." "Come on." "Mick, Mick." "Mick." "Mick." "He missed the tag." "He missed the tag." "Well, what are you..." "Bob Uecker?" "Oh, come on." "That was a lousy call." "You were out of position." "I saw what I saw, so go sit down." "No, I'm not going to go sit down, because you're a big dork." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, you're a little squirt with a big mouth, so why don't you get out of my face before I get mad?" "Go ahead." "Get mad." "Come on." "Pop a vein, you ugly, big seeing eye dog." "You're out of here, Heywood." "Oh, yeah." "That's right." "Throw me out, you big, fat..." "You're blind as a bat." "Get out of here!" "Fine!" "Ever heard of Certs?" "Billy!" "Come over here." "Hey, what's gotten into you?" "What'd you say to that umpire?" "You want to know what he said?" "I'll tell you what he said." "He called me a..." "The way I see it, I've got to do what's best for Bill Heywood." "So for now, to avoid a more severe penalty," "I will submit to my mother's suspension, but I don't agree with it." "A Bill Heywood must be allowed to speak his mind to an umpire." "Otherwise, he cannot fully do his job." "Bill Heywood?" "Billy's a kid's name." "Bill sounds more grown-up." "You're not a grownup." "You're not even a teenager, and what's with all this third-person nonsense?" "What do you mean?" "You know exactly what I mean." ""A Bill Heywood must be allowed to speak his mind"?" "When did all this start?" "I don't know." "That's how all the guys talk..." "Bo Jackson, Danny Tartabull." "Look, let Danny Tartabull's mother worry about him." "I'm very upset with you." "Remember our little talk when you stood up Chuck and Joey?" "This is all part of it." "It's not my fault I never see you." "I mean, I'm busy." "We're in a pennant race." "Duh, like we didn't know." "Yeah, duh." "Hey, you know, if we beat the Rangers tomorrow, we could be in first." "You know, you should start Wedman." "He always beats the Rangers." "He always beats everybody." "That's why he's 3 and 7." "I can't believe you lost those two to the Indians." "They're so lame." "You think this is easy?" "Why don't you try it?" "De-hype." "I was just kidding around." "I wasn't." "You should start Wedman." "And you should leave the baseball to me." "Look, can we just talk about something else, please?" "Do you think, in his whole life," "Batman ever ate at McDonald's or KFC?" "Of course." "He would have to." "Suppose Commissioner Gordon needs him and he's in a hurry, but he's really hungry." "What else is he going to do?" "Boy, I'd hate to be the guy behind the Batmobile in the drive-through." "Batman steps on that gas." "Flame comes out." "You guys are both retarded." "The Caped Crusader does not eat fast food." "Well, how do you know?" "He might." "What do you mean?" "Billy knows everything." "He's the manager of the Twins." "He's the coolest guy in the world." "Just ask him." "Now there's a big shot, Daddy." "Nice stroke, Leon." "Here you go, Mick." "Hey, Boomer." "Fix your tie." "No." "On the bottom there." "Great." "And in 5, 4, 3, 2..." "Hello once again, everybody." "I'm Chris Berman, and welcome to Baseball Tonight here in the Homerdome in Minneapolis." "This fellow sitting next to me needs no introduction." "He may be a little boy, but he's a little boy with an awfully big job to do." "I mean, it's a job so big that you couldn't imagine doing it your..." "Chris." "Chris." "Can we get on with it?" "All right, Billy." "I'm not going to beat around the bush." "People say the Twins may actually win this thing, but there's a lot of baseball left, and with each game, the pressure mounts." "People say you're already beginning to feel that strain, that you're beginning to crack like a bad stucco job." "How do you respond to that?" "Well, Chris, ever since I took this job, everybody's been waiting for me to fall apart." "Well, it's not going to happen." "I dedicated this season to my grandpa, and we're going to win it for him." "And yet the stucco?" "Chris, I don't understand the question." "I don't even know if it is a question." "I've got a job to do." "The feistiness of a champion." "Cut." "I loved it." "We'll edit that out." "That's what I meant." "I know your birthday isn't until tomorrow, but I couldn't wait." "Billy." "Go ahead." "Open it." "What is it?" "You'll see." "Arthur helped me pick it out." "Billy, this is beautiful." "Thank you." "And I was thinking, for your official birthday," "I could cook you dinner." "I'll make my specialty..." "spaghetti and meatballs." "Well, actually..." "Lou asked me out." "Oh." "Hey, tell you what." "I'll call Lou." "We'll all go." "It will be fun." "Great." "So with two down here in the seventh," "Royals' pitching continues to handcuff the Twins." "Lou Collins to the plate, and he can certainly attest to that." "Lou is 0 for 11 the last 3 games, all Twin losses." "He hit two bullets yesterday, but came up empty." "Today, more of the same." "Hanley looks in for the sign." "Lou, by the way, has hit .416" "lifetime versus Hanley in the month of September in even years." "So that certainly bodes well for this at bat." "Here's the pitch." "There's a shot down the line." "Could be extra bases." "Oh, what a stop by Joyner!" "Hanley covers at first." "Lou is robbed again." "That's all right." "Keep swinging, Lou." "They'll start falling." "Good at bat, Lou." "You're all right, buddy." "Thanks, Tuck." "That's all right." "Hey, Lou." "Can I talk to you for a sec?" "You're benching me?" "I think you've been pressing." "Why now, Billy?" "We're one game out." "Maybe if you start concentrating on baseball, you could get back in." "Do you think I'm not hitting because I'm not concentrating?" "I don't know why you're not hitting." "It's for you to figure out." "For Billy Heywood, the September swoon must seem endless." "The Twins came into Chicago badly needing a couple of wins, but it's been all White Sox tonight, as they lead, 7-2." "Minnesota's once-bright pennant hopes could be fading away." "There's a routine grounder to third." "Over to first... two away." "Why didn't you run that out?" "I don't know." "I should have." "I guess I got frustrated." "Yeah, well, I'm frustrated, too, at the way you've been playing." "I'm fining you $500." "If you do it again, you're suspended." "And that goes for the rest of you guys." "You're always talking about making money and how this is a business." "Well, start acting like it." "Chuck, what's up?" "Oh, hi, Billy." "Not much." "Just goofing around." "Nothing exciting like hanging out with major leaguers." "Look, I said I was sorry." "Hey... hey, maybe I can get you some..." "Look, Billy, we don't want any more autographed baseballs." "I can't talk right now." "I'm sitting on Lowell." "Oh." "Get off." "Get off." "Oh." "There you are." "I've been looking all over the stadium for you." "May I sit?" "Yeah." "What's going on?" "I don't know." "I just don't feel like talking to the press." "Every day, they keep second-guessing me." ""Why don't you do this?" "Why don't you do that?"" "Billy, it's a compliment." "They're treating you like everybody else." "Like an adult." "Big whoop." "You know, if they ask me one more time why Lou isn't starting..." "Why isn't Lou starting?" "Blackout Gatling in to see if he can stop the bleeding." "Raines laces a shot." "That'll be extra bases for sure, and the Twins' woes continue." "Fernandez blows it by Hamilton." "Strike 3!" "Ground ball... right through Alexander." "Another Twins error, and the question is, where is Lou Collins when you need him?" "The 0-2 pitch." "Swing and a miss, and Lonnie chases strike 3." "When are you going to learn to lay off that pitch?" "All year, the same thing." "Somebody needs to find that boy a woman." "McGrevey thinks he can go on 3 days' rest, but I don't know." "You busy?" "You're still not starting, if that's what you're wondering." "I thought you should know." "Lonnie's been playing hurt." "He's got two separated ribs." "They took x-rays." "There's no breaks, but it's painful." "How?" "Remember that collision he had with Cecil in Detroit?" "Why didn't somebody say something?" "Oh, he made me promise, Mac." "He didn't want to come out." "He's trying to help the club." "You know, I once had a manager who said the game has to be fun, no matter what." "I liked playing for him." "I'll take Newburgh." "I'll take riley." "Ok." "I'll take Hanson." "Then I got..." "Owens." "Well, that just leaves Sidney." "I mean, we only got 9." "I don't want Sidney." "You take Sidney." "I don't want Sidney." "Let Sidney pitch for both teams." "Yeah." "No way." "I want to bat." "Oh, Sid." "Hey, you guys need one more?" "Yeah." "You want to play?" "Hey, wait a minute." "Aren't you Billy Heywood?" "Yeah, right." "I wish." "Hold it." "You are." "Everyone says that." "Hey, if I was Billy Heywood, what would I be doing here?" "Yeah, I guess you're right." "Ok." "You can play." "Come on." "Come on, guys." "Oh, what's your name?" "Uh, Bond." "Jim Bond." "Bond, you any good?" "I'm ok." "Ok." "Over the fence is a home run, through the gate is a ground-rule double, anything off the buildings and the cars is in play, and, um, it's kind of easy." "Think you got it?" "Yeah, sure." "Cool." "Nah, not even close." "¶ Well, a beat-up glove ¶" "¶ a homemade bat ¶" "¶ and a brand-new pair of shoes ¶" "¶ You know, I think it's time to give this game a ride ¶" "¶ just to hit the ball and touch 'em all ¶" "¶ A moment in the sun ¶" "¶ it's a-gone, and you can tell that one good-bye ¶" "¶ Oh, put me in, coach ¶" "¶ I'm ready to play ¶" "¶ today ¶" "¶ look at me ¶" "¶ gotta be ¶" "¶ center field ¶" "¶ Yeah ¶" "Hey, good game, Bond." "Billy." "Hi." "How are you doing?" "Hey, what's all this about?" "I missed you." "I missed you, too." "It's been sort of a weird year, huh?" "Yeah, I'd say a little." "I'm not handling things very well, am I?" "Honey, you got to remember, you're just 12 years old." "There's a lot going on in your life." "And your dad's not here for you anymore." "And your grandpa's not here for you." "It's not easy." "Are you still here for me?" "Billy, listen to me very carefully." "I will always be here for you." "There is nothing on this earth that could ever change that... that could ever make me stop loving you." "Hey, Lou... you're starting." "Good." "Hey, man, turn this up." "Shh." "Meanwhile, over in the American League, there is still one race that's yet to be determined, and, boy, we thought we'd never say this one... the race for the wildcard spot." "Heywood's bunch is hanging on but barely." "The Twins trail the Mariners by 4 games with just 4 to go." "Very simply, one Seattle win or one Minnesota loss means the M's are in and the Twins are out, but hats off to the Twinkies." "What a marvelous season they've had." "Bite me." "Listen up, guys." "Uh, I'd like to call a team meeting." "Oh, jeez." "Here's the deal." "I screwed up." "I started worrying so much about winning that I forgot to have fun." "I guess I made it impossible for anybody else to have fun, either." "I'm sorry." "On behalf of the entire Apache nation, we accept this olive branch of peace." "Great." "I think." "Um, anyway, I got some special plays in mind." "One of them's a pick-off play." "In order for it to work, we're going to have to practice it a lot, and the whole team has to help, even you, McGrevey." "Don't you charge extra for that?" "Give me a comeback." "Oh, that's a good one." "Bite me." "I got something to say." "Listen up." "I've been through this before... everyone counting us out." "Let them." "Let them." "This is baseball, guys." "Anything can happen." "We can still win this thing." "Hey, we can win this thing, baby." "Come on." "Let's go!" "You bet we can, and if we do, great, but win or lose, it's going to be one fun week." "There's a drive to deep right field!" "Could be... might be... it is!" "Home run!" "Welcome back, Lou Collins!" "¶ Hey, hey ¶" "¶ Whoa ¶" "¶ Whoa ¶" "¶ Whoa ¶" "¶ Da da da da ¶" "¶ Whoa... ¶" "¶ I should've known it from the very start ¶" "¶ this girl will leave me with a broken heart ¶" "¶ Now listen, people, what I'm telling you ¶" "¶ a-keep away from a-runaround Sue, yeah ¶" "¶ I miss her lips and the smile on her face ¶" "¶ the touch of her hand and this girl's warm embrace ¶" "¶ so if you don't wanna cry like I do ¶" "¶ a-keep away from a-runaround Sue ¶" "¶ Whoa ¶" "¶ Whoa ¶" "¶ Whoa ¶" "¶ She likes to travel around, yeah ¶" "¶ She'll love you, then she'll put you down ¶" "¶ Now, people, let me put you wise ¶" "¶ Sue goes out with other guys ¶" "¶ Here's the moral in the story ¶" "¶ from the guy who knows ¶" "¶ I fell in love, and my love still grows ¶" "¶ Ask any fool that she ever knew, they'll say ¶" "¶ a-keep away from a-runaround Sue ¶" "¶ Yeah, keep away from this girl ¶" "¶ I know, know what to do ¶" "¶ keep away from Sue ¶" "¶ She likes to travel around, yeah ¶" "¶ She'll love you, and she'll put you down ¶" "¶ Now, people, let me put you wise ¶" "¶ She goes out with other guys ¶" "¶ Here's the moral in the story ¶" "¶ from that guy who knows ¶" "¶ I fell in love, and my love still grows ¶" "¶ Ask any fool that she ever knew, they'll say ¶" "¶ a-keep away from a-runaround Sue ¶" "¶ Yeah!" "¶" "¶ Stay away from that girl ¶" "¶ Don't you know what to do now?" "¶" "¶ Whoa ¶" "Ladies and gentlemen, this one's not over yet." "With a 4-game sweep over the Indians, the Twins have done their part, and thus far, with 3 straight losses, so have the Mariners." "But one big hurdle remains... a victory for Seattle tonight, and they still clinch the wild-card spot, but a loss would create a tie and force a one-game playoff, so now the Twins can only wait and hope." "Seattle's cut the lead to one run." "Here comes Dave Magadan." "One out..." "Ground ball, baby." "Come on." "One time." "A chance to win it for the M's." "Mags, I know you're a decent human being, but die like a dog." "Here's the pitch to Magadan." "Ground ball." "Turn it, baby!" "Come on, baby!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Give me a second." "Sure." "Hi." "I was just thinking about Grandpa." "Bet he'd be really happy about all this." "Bet he would." "Mom..." "I'm tired of being a grownup." "We got to get a new spot." "You know, one of these days, you might not even have a river to fish in." "What are you talking about?" "I don't know." "Just heard it on some commercial." "Hi, guys." "Listen." "I want to be friends again." "I had, like, you know, a two-month brain cramp, but I'm better now, and I didn't bring any signed balls or bats, either." "What do you say?" "Maybe Lowell's right." "What do you mean?" "Well, we were going to call you, anyways." "Lowell decided that you were acting under a lot of stress." "I mean, it wasn't your fault." "It... you know..." "You were a dweeb." "Lowell said that?" "Yeah." "Turns out he's a pretty good guy once we let him talk." "Did you bring your pole?" "Yeah, sure." "How are they running?" "Hardly have to wet your line." "From the Metrodome in the Twin cities, hello again, everybody." "This is Wally Holland." "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the big one... one game to decide who goes on and who goes home." "Still doing your homework?" "Yeah." "You know, we got a relatively big game today, kid." "Yeah, well, I got a relatively big math tutor." "Can't have this hanging over my head." "Hmm... math, huh?" "You know, I've always heard that it helps to write it down." "You've worked all season long, and now it comes down to this." "You wonder what goes through the minds of the players and the coaches in pressure situations like these." "If Joe can paint a house in 3 hours and Sam can paint the same house in 5 hours, how long does it take for them to do it together?" "Wait a minute." "You never said this was a word problem." "Scales!" "Get over here!" "What's up, Mac?" "If I can paint a house in 3 hours and you can paint it in 5, how long will it take us to paint it together?" "Lonnie!" "Takes me 3 hours to paint a house, it takes you 5." "How long to do it together?" "What color paint?" "It's times like this where the veterans really have to step up and lead the way for the young guys... the guys who haven't been here before." "It's simple. 5 times 3." "So that's 15." "No, no, no." "Lookit... takes 8 hours." "5 plus 3... that's 8." "Oh, man, that's not right." "Check it out." "There's one, two of them, so it only takes 4 hours." "I should know this." "My uncle's a painter." "Why don't they just get a house that's already painted?" "You know, maybe there is no answer." "Maybe it's one of those trick questions." "You ever think of that?" "I don't know." "I mean... 8 sounds good to me." "But there's two of them." "Come on, there's two of them." "Fellas, fellas, fellas, fellas, fellas... the chalk, if you please." "A-thank you." "Using the simple formula "a" times "b"" "over "a" plus "b,"" "we arrive at our answer of 17/8." "Wow." "Are you sure?" "Oh, oh, but of course, my diminutive leader." "Long have I been familiar with the exactitudes of the mathematical world." "And, Mac, the horse's name is Friday." "Well, um... great!" "Now that the pressure's off, let's go win a ball game!" "Let's go!" "Let's get it up!" "Come on now!" "I said Clark Bar." "We're out." "You know what you should do?" "You should start Wedman." "I had a feeling you might say that." "Swing and a miss!" "Strike 3!" "Who would've thought it?" "Little-used Bill Wedman has held the powerful M's scoreless, and the Twins and the Mariners battling in a nothing-nothing tie here in the sixth inning." "Oh, I tell you," "Billy Heywood really pulled a rabbit out of his hat in this one, but his luck may be running out." "Two out, two on, and the always dangerous." "Ken Griffey Jr." "Stepping to the plate." "Here's the pitch." "There's a drive!" "Way back!" "Way back!" "That one is long gone!" "Damn!" "Ladies and gentlemen, people take vacations shorter than that!" "That's a shame." "Just a shame." "Two outs here in the bottom of the seventh, and with the Twins still trailing 3-0, time is running out for Billy Heywood." "Mark Hodges at the plate." "Lonnie leads off first." "Here's the pitch." "Lonnie takes off!" "Hodges swings and ropes one into left!" "Lonnie trying for third!" "The throw... he's safe at third!" "So Heywood gambles with a hit-and-run and for the first time today, the Twins have something cooking." "Let's keep it going, man." "I think we ought to pinch-hit for Mickey." "No way, Mac." "Want me to hit?" "Yep." "Mickey!" "Mickey!" "Be aggressive!" "Be a hitter!" "So Scales steps in." "A tough situation for the rookie." "The pitch... that is a long fly ball down the left-field line!" "Is it fair?" "Is it fair?" "It is!" "Home run!" "Touch them all, Mickey Scales!" "And we got a brand-new ball game!" "What do you know about that?" "So we move into the tenth all tied, and thus far, it's been the Ken Griffey Jr." "Show for Seattle." "Two singles, and of course, that monstrous 3-run shot in the sixth inning." "Bowers, in his second inning of relief, pitching very carefully to Griffey." "The count... 3 and 2." "Here's the payoff pitch." "Ball." "Ball 4." "Oh, boy, that's trouble, especially with Junior's base-running ability." "Hey, guys... remember that play we've been working on?" "Now's the time." "Billy... this is too important a time to be screwing around with everybody's concentration." "Come on, Mac." "It'll be fun." "Oh, what the hell." "This whole season's been crazy, anyway." "Hodgy!" "Ok, nobody out now." "Bowers checks the runner." "Throws to first... not in time." "What is Bowers thinking about?" "I don't know." "That boy's out of his mind." "Just for that, I'm taking second, then I'm taking third." "I might even take home." "Got to do what you got to do, Junior." "Quick move to first... oh!" "The ball gets by Collins!" "Lou can't find the ball!" "It's along the railing up the line!" "Here comes Kain in from right field!" "Griffey heads for second!" "He may go for third!" "Wait... wait a minute!" "The ball never left Bowers' hand!" "He had it all the time!" "Griffey is out at second, and Casey Stengel just sat up in his grave and applauded!" "What the hell was that?" "Oh, yeah." "Bowers!" "I love that guy, man." "Folks, this has been a classic." "Blackout gatling trying to work out of a jam... two out, man on..." "Dave Magadan at the plate." "Ground ball to third... oh, no!" "Bad hop!" "Henderson rounds third, and he will score!" "Here's the throw to second... out at second base, but the damage is done." "Seattle takes the lead on a terrible break for the Twins, who are now only 3 outs from elimination." "Scales leads off, looking for lightning to strike twice." "The Twins sure could use a long ball." "Wulff winds... the first pitch to Scales... ground ball to second... over to first... one away." "It's all right, guys." "We got two big ones left." "Come on." "Let's go." "Hang in there." "Come on." "Get something going, Pat!" "Come on, man." "Hang in there." "How'd that happen?" "I was right there." "You know, the same thing happened to Freddie Lindstrom in the 12th inning of the 7th game in the 1924 World Series." "Ball hit a pebble, went right through his legs." "It did?" "You know what he did after that?" "Stepped up to the plate and ripped a game-winning double." "He did?" "He sure did." "Now grab a bat." "You're on deck." "Son, I realize this ain't exactly the right time." "Lindstrom never doubled." "The ball off the pebble ended the game." "I know that." "He doesn't." "Corning, line drive... what a catch!" "Oh, that one had "base hit" written all over it." "So now the Twins are down to their last out." "Larry Hilbert... hitless in 5 at bats today... steps in." "I will say this, though, he sure looks determined." "Great game, isn't it?" "Why aren't you on deck?" "Have you seen your mom?" "She's right behind the dugout." "Why?" "I just asked her to marry me." "What'd she say?" "She said I should ask you." "Yeah, baby!" "Yes!" "Lou Piniella is calling for the big fellow... major league strikeout champion." "Randy Johnson." "Hit a homer." "What?" "Hit a homer, and I say you can marry her." "Hey, Lou..." "Yeah?" "You can marry her even if you don't hit a homer." "Thanks." "And, Lou..." "Yeah?" "If Johnson gets ahead of you, watch for the slider... low and away." "It's all up to Lou Collins." "And Twins fans, tell me, who would you rather have up there?" "Randy Johnson making a rare relief appearance, but in a situation like this," "Piniella's pulling out all the stops." "6' 10" with a nasty slider," "Johnson's been almost unhittable for the M's down the stretch." "Lou taking his time." "Johnson..." "out of the stretch... high and tight!" "Oh, he sent Lou a message with that one!" "Here comes the pitch." "Oh, my!" "You did great, Lou." "Thanks." "Hey, it was still a hell of a year." "It was the most fun I ever had." "It's the only fun I ever had." "Ahem." "Now listen up, guys." "Kid has something he wants to say." "Brooklyn Dodgers had a saying..." ""Wait till next year."" "There it is, because next year, we're gonna win it all, baby." "Give me some of that." "The Dodgers played in Brooklyn?" "The thing is, though, um... we're making a little change." "I'm retiring." "I want to spend a little more time fishing, and between that and little league," "I just don't think I can handle the job." "Mac's going to take over for me." "Jerry's going to come back as third-base coach and hitting instructor." "No, this can't be." "Mac, no offense." "I look forward to your tutelage, but, Bill, you're the only manager I've ever had who's truly appreciated the intricacies... of the water balloon." "Billy." "You can't leave, man." "Hey, it's not like I'm going anywhere." "I mean, I'm still the owner." "The way I figure it, if I struggle in junior high," "I can always come back." "Um, excuse me, Mr. Heywood, but, um, uh, they're still here." "Who?" "Everybody." "¶ Well, I'm ready, and I'm willing ¶" "¶ and I'm able to rock 'n' roll all night ¶" "¶ I'm ready, and I'm willing ¶" "¶ and I'm able to rock 'n' roll all night ¶" "¶ So come on, pretty baby ¶" "¶ We're gonna rock, we're gonna roll ¶" "¶ until the broad daylight ¶" "¶ because I'm ready, mm-hmm ¶" "¶ and I'm able, mm-hmm ¶" "¶ I'm willing, and I'm able ¶" "¶ so you better come and go with me ¶" "¶ We're gonna rock 'n' roll ¶" "¶ baby, till tomorrow about 3:00 ¶" "¶ Talking on the phone is not my speed ¶" "¶ Don't send me no letter 'cause I can't read ¶" "¶ Don't be long 'cause I'll be gone ¶" "¶ We gonna rock 'n' roll all night long ¶" "¶ 'cause I'm ready, I'm willing ¶" "¶ and I'm able to rock 'n' roll all night ¶" "¶ I'm ready, and I'm willing ¶" "¶ and I'm able to rock 'n roll all night ¶" "¶ So come on, pretty baby ¶" "¶ We're gonna rock, we're gonna roll ¶" "¶ until tomorrow night ¶" "¶ Well, I'm ready, and I'm willing ¶" "¶ and I'm able to rock 'n' roll all night ¶" "¶ I'm ready, and I'm willing ¶" "¶ and I'm able to rock 'n' roll all night ¶" "¶ so come on, pretty baby ¶" "¶ We're gonna rock, we're gonna roll ¶" "¶ until the broad daylight ¶" "I still like 8."