"Oh, boy" "Yeah, it's Christmastime again" "Let all your good cheer in" "It's Christmastime, it's Christmastime again" "The stockings are hung and the tree is trimmed" "Sounds of the season are ringing on in..." "Voice:" "Ah, Christmas..." "my favorite time of year." "Giant red bows and garlands everywhere, all those presents and families spending more time together." "You can almost smell the magic in the air, although it isn't always easy, especially when you're a dog." "That's me." "My name's Zeus." "Dashing through the snow" "In a one-horse open sleigh" "O'er the hills we go" "Laughing all the way" "Bells on bobtails ring" "Making spirits bright" "What fun it is to ride and sing..." "Zeus:" "I've had about all I can take here on these streets." "I think I'm gonna turn myself in to the dog catcher." "Hey, at least I can get three square meals on the inside." "(dogs barking)" "Hey, boys, what's happening?" "Look at what we got here, fellows..." "a newbie." "My name's Zeus, like the Greek god." "Well, a fancy name for a street dog." "Yeah, a fancy name." "Yeah." "You're going to be here for a long time, so I suggest you find things to occupy yourself with." "Don't worry about me, sweetie." "I'll be fine." "I used to be a cop." "Yeah, right." "I used to save people's lives for a living." "Really?" "Tell us, tell us." "One time I rescued this steel mill worker from a fiery inferno." "And he told me..." "Thank you." "Thank you." "You saved my life." "So what are you doing here then?" "That's a long story." "I'm just waiting for a family to take me home and give me a chance." " (laughter)" " Oh, sure, my new owner is gonna ride in on his white horse and whisk me away to a place where Milk-Bones are gold-plated." "(laughing)" "That's a good one." "What's so funny?" "There's gotta be somebody out there who will take me home." "Tannenbaum and mangers" "And mistletoe" "Jingle bells and sleigh rides" "Across the snow" "(children cheering)" "Christmastime is here" "And to everyone good cheer" "It's a beautiful" "Time of the year" "Merry Christmas to all you" "Girls and boys" "If you all stay cool" "You just might get your favorite toys" "Merry Christmas" "Good will to everyone" "Why don't we smile on each other?" "Why don't we have a little fun?" "Whoo!" "(phone rings)" "Hello." "I'm here." "Is the coast clear?" "Oh, uh, yeah." "Donna Jamieson is dropping off the kids any second, so get your butt in here." "Okay, I'm gonna need some backup, honey." "Um, okay." "Okay, I'll be right out." "Bye." "I'm coming." "I'm coming." "Oh." "I can take more." " Okay." " Got it?" "Come on, come on." "Honey, I am so excited for our first Christmas in the new house." " I know." " The kids are just gonna love it." "I know." "It's gonna be so much better than last year" " when we went to your Aunt Jean's." " Oh, well, that was..." "Oh oh oh." "Okay okay." "Come on, hurry hurry." "Come on." "I hope these aren't breakable." "Okay." "(horn honks)" "Come on, hurry hurry hurry." " Bye-bye." " Merry Christmas." "Bye." "Merry Christmas." "Tell your mom I said hi." " Man:" "Will do." "Merry Christmas." " Bye." "Hey, my little elves." "What's going on?" " Guess what Ricky Jamieson said." " What's that?" "What's up with your back?" "Oh, uh, you know, sciatica..." "Christmas sciatica." "Christmas what-aca?" "Sciatica, honey." "It's a real ailment." "Hey, isn't that Ricky Jamieson out there?" " What do you mean?" " Yeah." "Uh, I don't know." "I don't know what I meant." "Hey, it's a Christmas miracle." "Your back is all better, Daddy." "What's that, honey?" "Oh, no no, I'm still hurt." "I'm gonna go take a nap." "Hey, why don't you kids, you know, go make some egg-nog or something?" "Okay?" "You know where the stuff is, right... for the egg-nog?" "Okay." "Pull up right here." "Bingo." "That beauty right there looks like a Victorian mansion." "Older man:" "Looks like a giant dollhouse." "That beauty right there is going to be our last one." "Forever?" "On this block, you idiot." "What happened to the rule we had... we couldn't hit two houses on the same block?" "Forget I ever said it." "A beauty like that..." "rules are made to be broken." "Okay." "Ka-ching!" "Ka-ching!" "George, we really need to get that chandelier in the foyer fixed." "I don't think that it's safe hanging tied the way it is." "It's perfectly safe the way it is, honey." "But I'll take a look at it after the holidays." "328 Red Maple?" "328 Red Maple?" "Honey, isn't that the Johnsons' house?" "Yeah." "They were robbed." "You're kidding." "No, and this is the second time on this block in a month." "That's it, George." "We have to get that alarm, especially with Christmas coming." "Hey, you know, I think we should get a dog for Christmas... a watchdog." "A dog!" "Daddy, can we?" "I think it's a great idea, sweetheart." "(laughing)" "What do you think, hon?" "We have already talked about this, George." "I barely have enough time as it is, since I went back to work." "Back to work?" "Honey, you're a seamstress and you work here at home." "I mean, what's the big deal?" "I am a costume maker and it is a big deal." "How am I gonna take care of a dog when I have 15 wigs to weave before New Year's Eve?" "I could walk him and feed him before I go to work in the morning." "And then when I come home for lunch I could check on him." "Plus, I could, you know, weave some of those wigs with you." "I don't know, George." "It's a new house and dogs are messy and they chew things." "If we're gonna get a pet, we should get a cat, with this mouse problem we're having." " Mouse:" "Oh, no." " That's not good." "Yeah, but Mom, we want a dog for Christmas." "Yeah, a big fluffy dog with long blond hair and floppy ears." " Come on, Mom." " Come on, Mom." "Okay, we will discuss this later." "Come on, you're gonna miss the bus." "Let's go, let's go." " Say goodbye to your father." " Bye, Daddy." "Have a good day, bro." "I'll help you get your jacket, okay?" "I'll be right out." "Promise me you will not buy a dog before we've had a chance to talk about it again." "I promise." "Thank you." "(dings bell)" " How are you doing?" " Hey." " How are you doing?" " Good." "Very good." "I'm George Bannister and I think I'm ready to adopt." "Well, I'm Benny." "Nice to meet you, George." "(laughs)" "You want to adopt a dog?" "We are in the market for a watchdog." "A watchdog." "Well, today we're running a special." "It's Christmas." "Why not be special?" "You adopt one dog..." "you get another one for free." "Oh, that's okay." "I think one dog's plenty, you know." "We're good." "It's a free dog." "Yeah, if I ever brought home two dogs, the wife would put me in the pound." "(laughs)" "We can use another dog around here." "I'll tell you what I'll do..." "how about I throw in some doggy biscuits, a rubber ball and a doggy bone?" "Oh, that'd be great." "Okay, well, sign right in and I'll bring you right around." "Yeah, we got one." "Yeah, get it ready." "On, level one." "You know, some people think those are cookies and eat them." "They're doggy biscuits." "Come on." "That's... that's something else." "(dogs barking, gate buzzes)" "Come on in." "Look, there's somebody who can take me home, if I could only bark to get his attention." "Zeus, you're saying you can't even bark?" "If you can't bark, you ain't got a chance." "The pound." "(laughs)" "Isn't it a little excessive, with the bars?" "Well, it has to be, man." "We've got some of the most highly-profiled dogs right behind these bars." "I mean, they're mentally challenged as far as who to bite." "So I separate them from the family dogs, from the good dogs." "Hey there." "Buck up, boys." "One of us is going home for the holidays." "Oh, I hope it's me." "Please, kind sir, please take me, I beg of you." "There's all types of dogs in here." "You gotta know what you're doing when you're at the pound, man." "Well, I'm looking for a family dog and, you know, one that's nice but tough." "Tough?" "Well, I think I've got just the dog for you." "Yeah, we call this one the Bronx." "What do you know about the Bronx?" "From what I know, it's tough." "Tough like me, tough." "Well, this one..." "his mother was a boxer and his daddy was a pit bull." "How they got together and made a dog..." "I don't know, but he looks like a bulldog all in the face." "Look at him right there." "Look at him... the Bronx." " The Bronx?" " Yeah." "He's more like Staten Island." "You want a beef with me?" "My mother's from Staten Island." "Well, come on, he's small right now, but give him time." "He'll balloon into a beast in months." "Hey, Bronkie, Bronkie!" "I don't know if I have the kind of time to wait for him to balloon." " What about that guy right there?" " Dog:" "That's great." "Good choice." "That one?" "Oh, you want something aggressive, huh?" "(laughs) Look at the chompers on that one." "Look at him." "Yeah, he can bite." "He's looking at you too." "He's ready to protect for you." "Hey, Noodles." "Come here, Noodles." "Noodles?" "Nah, that doesn't sound like a watchdog to me." "Doesn't matter what you call him." "He's aggressive." "What about that one?" "Get me out of here, please." "The food's terrible," "I have no hot water, and I think I have fleas!" " The quiet one in the corner?" " Yeah yeah, over there in the back." "My God, that is a splitting image of the one I had when I was a kid." "So Zeus is what you want, huh?" " Zeus?" " Yeah." "Now that's a guard dog." "Yeah, but if you're a dog, you at least have to bark." "I mean, that dog... to be honest, I've never heard him bark." "I don't know." "You know, I didn't speak till I was six." "My mom thought I was a mute." "Are you happy about that?" "I am now, 'cause I can speak." "One thing I can tell you about Zeus is he used to be a former police dog..." "a K-9 cop." " Really?" " Yeah." "Got a plaque, a couple awards." "But right now he's a quiet dog." "Can I pet him?" "Why not?" "Open up family pound, #9." "We're going in." "(gate buzzes)" "Come on." "You want me to come in with you?" "Well, come on." "Move back!" "(growling)" "Get back." "Come on, stay close to me." "(dogs squealing, barking)" " Is this safe?" " It's safe." "It's very safe, except for that one." "He may make a pass on your leg right there." "Shake it off." "Zeus, wake up, Zeus." "Hi, I'm Zeus, and believe me, the pleasure is all mine." "Hey, Zeus." "How are ya, buddy?" "Huh?" "You want to come home with me, yeah?" "Do you want a nice family, yeah?" "Are you kidding?" "Does a dog pee on a fire hydrant?" "Does a flea itch?" "Does a...?" "Yeah yeah, this is the one, Benny." "All right." "(radio crackles) Hey, open up, okay?" "We're coming down." "Get the papers ready for Zeus." "Yeah." "Bye, Zeus." "Nice to meet you." "(sighs)" "Got room for one more?" "See you later, you lucky mutt." "Dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh" "However the rest goes, I'll sing it anyway." "Zeus, you're gonna love the family, buddy." " I can't wait." " Oh, yeah." "Kara, my little daughter, and Ben... he's our son." "He's a little older than Kara, probably four or five years..." "not really sure." "But great kids, great kids, dog lovers all the way, buddy." "Zeus:" "Sounds like my kind of people." "And of course my wife Belinda..." "she's awesome." "And, oh, the apple strudel is to die for." "Ooh, strudel..." "last time I had strudel I was sick for a week." "You're probably gonna get into that one way or the other." "Oh, and not to mention a ginormous backyard, buddy." "Oh, now you're talking, Georgy." "Now you're talking." "We'll be out there playing every day." "Gonna be great." "Oh, bells on Zeus's tail singing, making Christmas right" "Zeus is going home with the Bannisters for a lovely Christmas night, hey!" "Oh, Zeus, one thing before we go in..." "Belinda... a great lady." "She just has a few things she doesn't care for." "She doesn't like snoring." "She doesn't like when you leave the toilet seat up." "And she definitely doesn't like when you chew with your mouth open." "Got it." "Except for the whole chewing-with-your-mouth-open thing." "I don't think I can swing that." "So as long as you don't do anything I do, you're cool." "She's gonna love you." "I hope so, Georgy." "I'd hate to go back to that pound." "Okay, let's go." "Hey, everybody, look what I got." " A dog!" " A dog!" " A dog!" " This is gonna get interesting." "(laughing) All right, Dad." " George:" "Look what we've got." " Kara:" "Daddy got a dog." " How are you doing, buddy?" " Isn't he great?" "His name is Zeus." "Zeussy?" "Zeus:" "You know, like the Greek god." "Yeah, just Zeus, honey." " Hi." " Hi." "Can I talk to you for a minute?" " Sure." " In the kitchen." "Oh, inside?" "Yeah." "They love him already." " Uh-oh, it's the kitchen talk." " That's not good at all." "Uh, something tells me Georgy forgot to clear me with the missus." "George, you promised you wouldn't buy a dog until we talked." "Yeah, and I didn't break that promise, boy scout's honor." "I didn't buy the dog." "I adopted him." "Oh, George." "I know, I know, but it's that time of the year when you take care of the less fortunate." "He was homeless, Belinda." "And he reminded me so much of Duke that I couldn't even resist." "I know that you had to put your childhood dog to sleep and you have been traumatized ever since." "I'm not traumatized." "And don't make it out to be more than what it is." "The kids wanted a dog, so I just thought..." "Exactly." "You thought." "You completely disregarded what I said." "This is about the protection of our home, not about you making up for some childhood loss." "That hurt." "For your information," "I am thinking about the protection of our home." "Oh, you are?" "He is a certified, award-winning K-9 police dog." "A K-9?" "The most highly-trained dogs and the most intelligent dogs on the planet." "He's the ultimate watchdog, and we have one." "(sighs)" "What?" "I don't know, George." "It just seems like an alarm would be so much safer and easier." "All right, Belinda, trust me, okay?" "These K-9s are so highly trained, they're practically self-sufficient." "And as far as security, they are notorious for being the most toughest, the most masculine dogs around." "(clears throat)" "What?" "What's everybody staring at?" "Real dogs wear bows." "And the Christmas lights are twinkling" "And the glistening snow has fallen..." "Come on, Mom, can we bring Zeussy to Grandma's?" "Zeus:" "Yeah, bring me to Granny's." "Come on, Zeus, off the bed." "Get off the bed." "Off the bed." "I can't help it." "This memory foam does wonders for my hinds." "How many times do I have to tell this dog?" "Where is he going?" "Zeus, cut it out." "That's disgusting, come on." "Zeus:" "Give me a second." "I'm dying of thirst here." "Come on, Mom, please, can we?" "Can we bring Zeussy to Grandma's?" "Oh, I don't think so, honey." " Please." " It's boring at Grandma's." "All she has to drink is flat diet soda." "And prune juice." "Okay, now be nice, kids." "Yeah, but why do we have to go there every Christmas Eve?" "Because it's tradition." "What's tradition?" "It's something that you have to do even though you may not want to." "And no one should be alone on Christmas Eve." "Mom, what if Santa decides not to come to our house because he doesn't think we'll be here?" "Oh, sweetheart, Santa knows everything." "So he knows that we'll be back first thing Christmas morning." "Mom, how come the cat lady doesn't have any Christmas lights?" "L... honey, I've really got a headache." "This is a lot of questions, okay?" "I don't know why the cat lady doesn't have Christmas lights." "Yeah, well, Ricky Jamieson says it's 'cause she's an old Scrooge." "Okay, well, you know, you tell Ricky Jamieson that in this house we don't judge people that we do not know." "Does that mean that we judge people that we do know?" "Y... no no no no." "We don't judge anyone." "Where is that dog?" "Get away from there now." "I am not gonna tell you again." " Are you listening to me?" " (Zeus burps)" "Well, the stores were just completely packed." "Yeah, see, that's why I don't go to the stores anymore." "That's why I send you, honey." "Well, you're gonna love what I got you." "Aww." "I told you I didn't want anything..." "Zeus:" "Ooh, gingerbread." "I love me some gingerbread." "Mom, look what Zeussy can do." "Ooh, that smells good." "George, come on." "He has to get down." " Ooh, that's good." " He's fine." " Okay, I don't know what that was." " Zeus:" "Mm, delicious." "You know, honey, it's funny, but I don't think I've ever heard Zeus bark." "Oh, sure, honey." "Yeah, Zeus barks." "You might not have heard it yet, but, you know, they're highly-trained dogs." "They're very intelligent." "They go through a rigorous training program where they teach them to bark on command and when to bark, when not to bark." "They can't always bark." "If you always bark, it tends to be kind of annoying." "They have to bark when there's a noise and not bark when there's no noise." "That's how you want the dog." "But they need some kind of a stimulation... you know, they need another dog barking or a human bark, or a door knock, or a doorbell, you know?" "(doorbell rings)" "Mm, I smell shrimp toast." "Hey, Old Yeller, why don't you just go ahead and bark already?" "You call that a dog?" "Zeus:" "Is somebody gonna get that?" "I'm starving over here." "Come on, Georgy." "You know I don't have thumbs." "Don't worry about it, Zeus." "We'll get you next time." "You'll bark next time." "Bark?" "Oh, no, not that again." " Hey." " Goldberg's Chinese Food." "Yes, of course, yeah." "Merry, uh, Hanukah." "Happy holidays." "Close enough. $32.75." "Okay, great." "Here's $40." " Thank you." " Thank you." "Very nice." "Oh, yeah, we're building a little gingerbread house." "I meant the girl, not the house." " Oh." " George:" "Oh, the girl, yeah." "She's kosher too." " Hi." "Merry Christmas." "Happy Hanukah." " That would be my wife." " Thank you." " Thank you." " Shalom." " Shalom." "That was awkward." "You know what?" "You'll bark next time." "Who cares?" "It's all good." "Who cares if I didn't bark." "The Bannisters love me for who I am, and that's the important thing." "You just look very tense." "I mean, I know this is all new for you, but we're gonna take it one step at a time." "Okay." "Zeus:" "Uh, this is a little awkward, George, don't you think?" "Yeah, there we go, Zeussy." " Is that better?" " Ooh." " What did they do to you?" " Ooh, yeah, now I'm digging it." "They made you all silly-looking." "It's only you and me." "We're the men of the house." "Zeus:" "The men of the house..." "yeah, right." " You know what I'm talking about?" " Ooh, right there, George." " You know what it's like to be a man?" " Yeah, dude." " I was the only one." " Ooh, yeah, that's the spot." " Besides Ben." " Ahh." "And now it's me, you and Ben." "You're gonna be able to bark." "I couldn't talk till I was six, which is like 42 in your years." "You're gonna be a great guard dog." "And better yet, a great pet." "Ben and Kara already like you." "You're gonna love it here." "We just gotta work on Mommy a little bit." "Dashing through the snow" "In a one-horse open sleigh" "O'er the fields we go" "Laughing all the way" "Bells on bobtails ring" "Making spirits bright" "What fun it is to ride and sing" "A sleighing song tonight" "Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells" "Jingle all the way, Oh, what fun it is to ride... (Mice laughing) You can't even bark." "Jingle bells, jingle bells" "Jingle all the way" "Oh, what fun it is to ride" "In a one-horse open sleigh" "Jingle bells, jingle bells" "Jingle all the way" "Oh, what fun it is to ride" "In a one-horse open sleigh." "Uh-oh, that doesn't look like the mailman." "Zeus:" "George, you'd better come quick." "I think we're being robbed!" "Oh my gosh, George, he looks serious." "He's got a mask on." "Ooh, wait, show him the teeth." "That usually works." "Show him the teeth." "Here we go." "Grr!" "George, it's not working!" "Ooh, rib-eye." "I haven't had rib-eye in a dog's year." "Oh my gosh, that's a big one." "Over here." "Over here." "Yeah yeah yeah." "Me me me." "Ooh." "Oh, yes, this is so good." "Mm, I can't believe it." "Okay, just stay right there, buddy." "I'll be with you in a moment." "George, Belinda." "George:" "What happened, Franz?" "He's the worst-case scenario." "Are you saying that the dog is never gonna bark?" "I'm saying there's nothing I can do except recommend a psychiatrist." "A psychiatrist?" "Hey, mister, you got any more meat for me?" "Given his K-9 background..." " Oh, for Zeus." "...it's entirely possible he suffered some sort of psychological trauma on the job." "(speaks German)" "Sorry, chief, I have no idea what you're saying." "I only speak dog and English." "I'm sorry, George." "Oh, come on, I knew it was a trick." "Have him break in again." "I'll tackle him." "Do you think there's anything we can do after the holiday?" "He failed the steak test, guys." "Now I'm good, but you're gonna need a miracle worker to turn that dog around." "Merry Christmas." "A therapist?" "I don't need a therapist." "Just give me another chance." "I can bark, really I can." "Eh, what's the use?" "I'm sorry, guys." "I'm really sorry." "I might have messed this up too." "George:" "First of all, he is a dog, and dogs teethe." "He's not teething." "He's four years old." "And that is 30 in human years." "Uh, it's 28, Einstein, and his birth date is still in question." "George, I just don't think after today's session with Franz that Zeussy is working out." "First of all, his name is Zeus, okay, like the Greek god?" "Don't get testy with me, George." "I am just saying that we got the dog in order to protect our home and the children." "And we agreed that we would either have an alarm or have a dog." "Belinda, stop with the alarm already, okay?" "We have a top-notch security guard dog in our hands." "Case closed." "George, why is it that everyone else but you can see that Zeussy is not what you think he is?" "Okay, so then why don't we get a psychiatrist like Franz suggested?" "That is ridiculous." "It's not ridiculous." "And you know what?" "The FDA just approved a dog antidepressant." "Maybe that will free up his mind a little bit." "Doggy antidepressant?" "Yes." "You know, I just don't want to give up on this whole thing, Belinda." "And those kids..." "they're not gonna forgive you." "Oh, the kids will be fine." "The kids are kids and they will learn to love the next dog." "You, it seems, will never forgive me." " I have an idea." " Good." "(sighs)" "Look, George," "I can see that this is very upsetting for you, so I am willing to make a compromise." "After the holidays we'll bring Zeus back to the pound and then we'll invest in a real watchdog." "Okay?" "I'm just saying I don't think we should give up on him so fast." "Oh, why are you so attached to this dog?" "Because he's underestimated and I know exactly how that feels." "Okay, but promise me... promise me that if things don't improve by the time we go to my mom's..." "Deal?" "Deal." "(dogs barking)" "Okay, so you have to surprise Mom and Dad with a nice, loud bark before Christmas Eve." "I wouldn't bet on it." " Come on, Zeussy." "Woof woof woof!" " Come on, Zeussy boy, you can do it." "Come on, come on, woof!" "Woof woof!" "(dogs barking)" "Come on, come on, come on." "Woof woof woof." "Okay, I'll give it a shot." "Ruff ruff!" "Come on, ruff ruff ruff!" " Come on, woof woof woof." " Come on, woof woof." "Come on, Zeussy boy." "Come on, Zeussy." "Come on." "Kids, please please, go to bed." "I told you I don't like tuna fish." " Ruff ruff." " Come on, do it with us." "Ruff ruff." " Come on, ruff ruff." " Woof." "Zeus:" "Hey, who's that?" "She's back." "Ricky Jamieson says the cat lady hates dog so much that she calls the pound up to make more room for cats." "So she lures the dogs in with a homemade stew and then calls the pound up as they're eating it." "I heard that she hates dog so much that she called the pound on her own dog." "So stay far far away from her, and no matter what you do, never ever eat her stew." "Never ever ever." "Zeus:" "Got it." "No stew." "Kara:" "She sees us!" "What are you guys doing?" "What do I do?" "Where do I hide?" "Ooh, I think she saw me." "(thunder crashing)" "George:" "All right, my little working elves, ho ho ho ho ho!" " Kara:" "Ho ho ho." " George:" "Now for the fun part." "Remember, we've been working on this a long time, and it is kind of fragile, right?" "And it is our gift to Grandma..." "you know... (whistles) Yeah." "So just be careful and keep placing the details now." "All right, now where do I put these?" "Oh, anywhere, sweetheart." "Anywhere your little heart desires." "And remember, if we do a very nice job this year," "Grandma will probably make you some of those knitted Christmas booties she made you last year." "Oh, golly gee, just what I wanted..." "another pair of Christmas booties." "Easy, buddy." "She's still your grandmother." "(mice squeaking)" "Ooh, there's those cheese eaters again." "Both:" "You bet your bottom bumpkin." "Maybe if I can catch them I can earn my keep, prove to the Bannisters I'm worthy." "Okay, I think we're just about finished." "We should get this upstairs before Mom comes home." "She's gonna be home any minute." "I'm gonna get you, rats." "Mouse:" "Better bring your A-game, you crude K-9 corn dog." "(crash)" "What was that?" "Is that Zeus?" "I don't know." "Yeah." "Hey, Ben, can you help me on the other side there, buddy?" "All right." "Careful, sweetheart." " Don't hurt yourself." " I won't." "All right, you want to help out?" "That's okay." "Ha-ha!" "I got you now right where I want you." "Hey, is that gingerbread?" "Ooh, I love gingerbread." "Oh, yes!" "No, Zeus, get back!" "Oh." "Oh." "Oh my God." "Agh." "Oh, no." "Daddy, you're in a lot of trouble." "Yeah, I know, honey." "Looks like you and Zeus are in the doghouse." "What else is new?" "Come on, we'd better go clean this up." "Oh, great." "Now Belinda's really gonna send me back to the pound." "(car horn honks)" "Oh, great." "It's my number-one fan." "Boy, do I have terrible timing." " Hurry." " Give me that too." "What happened?" "Both:" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "He didn't do it, Mom." "He who?" "Zeussy." "Hey, do you kids know where glue is?" "I want to fix the..." "The glue's behind me?" "The glue!" "Hey!" "Hey, you are the glue, honey, that keeps our family together." "What is going on here?" "Uh, nothing." "We just had a little accident." "George, we spent two weeks making that gingerbread house." "Mommy, I'm sorry." "I tripped 'cause it was..." "No no, what happened was I was coming in with..." "The two of them were helping me." "And I had it too high." "And there was a cord there." "I didn't see it." "Where is the dog?" "Upstairs." "Doing what?" "I don't know." "You know, dog things." "George, that is the only thing that she wanted for Christmas." "And what happened to that?" "I did that, Mommy." "I'm sorry." "I tripped and I knocked it over off the... yeah." "She did." "She broke it." "Where are you going?" "I am going to the bakery to buy a gingerbread house." "All right, drive safe." "There's a lot of traffic." "Thank you, honey." "That's very sweet of you." "Ben, you should be ashamed of yourself." "You should have claimed that." "I can't do anything right." "I'm a poor excuse for a dog." "I couldn't mark my own territory in a sandbox." "I couldn't play fetch with a boomerang." "I couldn't..." "oh, what's the use?" "It's déjà vu all over again." "Only this time it's the Bannisters that I'm letting down." "(coughing) Here comes Zeus." "Zeus:" "Stop, drop and roll." "I'm coming, George, I'm coming." "I'll save you." "I'll get you and Belinda out safely." "Follow me." " Hey." " Hey, George." "I just had this crazy dream." "I was barking up a storm" " and I saved you and Belinda." "It was epic." " How are you doing?" "How are you doing?" "Zeus:" "Listen, about that gingerbread incident..." " I was only trying to catch those mice." " Listen..." "And they were going one way." "And I smelled the gingerbread." " And I got confused and..." " I don't know how to tell you this, but..." "(barking)" "Mother:" "Georgy, stop playing with Duke." "It's time for dinner." "Belinda... you know Belinda..." "Belinda thinks it's best if we take you back to the pound." "What?" "You gotta talk some sense into her." "You can't send me back, George." "What about that whole it's-only-me-and-you thing?" "George:" "We're actually running a little late to Grandma's house, so..." "No no no, George, George, wait wait, please." "You can't give up on me..." "not you." "I'm gonna take care of all this in the morning." "I can drop you off then." "No, George, please, you can't give up on me." "I promise..." "Listen, there's plenty of water and food, so, you know, make yourself feel at home." "No no, you can't give up on me." "I promise I'll be a good dog." "I won't break anything." "I'll learn how to bark." "Sorry, buddy." "I guess it just wasn't meant to be." "Of course it's meant to be." "You and I, George..." "we're like peanut butter and jelly, salt and pepper." "We just go together." " George, where are you going?" " Hey, kids." " You can't leave me." "It's Christmas." " Come say goodbye to Zeus." "I can't believe this is really happening on Christmas." "Get lost in the shadows of days gone by" "But you never forget when the moment is right" "So mark this day" "With a kiss" "It doesn't get" "Better than this." "We're gonna miss you, bud." "Mom, do we really have to get rid of Zeussy?" "Well... yes, honey, we do." "But listen, I don't want you to worry, because we are gonna get you a really nice, cute new puppy." " A puppy?" " Zeus:" "A puppy?" "But what's gonna happen to Zeussy?" "Well, Zeussy is going to find a really nice home, the right home for him." " Zeus:" "But I have a home." "It's right here." " Okay?" "We were a good home." "I know, but we just weren't the right one for him." "So... you have to say goodbye now, okay?" "'Cause Grandma's waiting for us." "All right?" " Okay, come on." " All right, okay." "All right, Zeussy." "All right, buddy." "See you later, okay?" "See you later." "See you later." "Zeus:" "You know, wait, Ben." "Don't go, Ben, please." "I'll do better, I promise." "Ben, don't go." "Oh, no." "No, Kara, Kara, don't cry." "Kara, it's okay." "Everything's gonna be okay." "Look at the size of that house." "I know." "Older man:" "Look, they're going on a trip." "Younger man:" "We just caught a break." "It's gonna make our job so much easier." "How?" "Where do you think they're going?" "Who cares where they're going?" "They're going." "That's gonna make our job easier." "Look at that snowman." "And look at those reeds." "Those are real reeds right there." "Those aren't reeds that you just buy at the corner." "Somebody took the time and made those." "Those gotta go for $198 retail." "We could sell those, Ted." "Imagine the jewelry... watches, necklaces..." "electronics." "Imagine the kitchen." "They got two of them, and a freezer downstairs." "And that's where they have the meat and the cupcakes." "See, I know about that stuff." "No no no, Stewey, no funny business." "We go in, we get the loot, we get out." "That's it." "Oops, sorry, kids." "I just forgot one thing inside." "Belinda:" "You have your seat belts on?" "And they got hot chocolate and marshmallows and cookies and oatmeal cookies." "I've been away for a long time." "That joint... they don't take care of you over the holidays." "They give you, you know, pasteurized turkey." "You can't live on that stuff on the holidays." "Ah." "Here we go." "Santa's gonna love" "Belinda's homemade chocolate-chip cookies." "It's funny..." "she doesn't make the cookies for me." "Actually, that might be one too many." "Yeah, I'll eat the rest of those later." "You mess this up..." "you're gonna be back in the joint." "Okay?" "We go in, we get the goods, we get out." "That's it." "No eating." "No funny business." "This is business business." "You think they got a dog?" "'Cause I hate dogs." "Ted, I've always hated dogs, whether they are little, big, small, fat." "I don't want no dogs." "That time you told me there wasn't a dog," "I climbed into a doggy window and there was a dog." "And he almost bit me." "And you know what?" "I got no insurance this time, so I can't even go to the hospital." "I don't want no dogs." "I'm telling you right now" "I don't want to see a dog." "If I see a dog, I'm gonna have an anxiety attack and I gotta go to a prison acupuncturist." "I gotta make an appoint..." "Stewey, what have we been doing for the last two days?" "Sitting here." "I don't know." "Have you heard a dog bark?" "No." "No." "Exactly." "No dog, okay?" "(breathing deeply)" "With this house we'll finally pay off that debt to Tony Roe." "And I can stop my diet." "And if we have any money left over, you'll get that nose job you've always been talking about." "It's not a nose job." "I have a deviated septum." "The one in your house or the one here?" "It's... it's... at the house." "(Zeus whining)" "Wait, guys." "Come back." "Don't do this." "Don't do this, please." "I'm sorry, okay?" "George, George, don't leave me." "I'm your best friend." "George." " Oh, no." " Bye, Zeussy." "Hey, this alone thing ain't so bad after all." "I got no one telling me what to do and I got the whole house to myself." "Oh, this part gets me every time." "I'm hungry." "I'm gonna look for a little snack." "Who says dogs shouldn't be eating candy?" "All right." " (toy barking)" " Come here, come here." "What are you looking at?" "Are you looking at me?" "What's your problem?" "Huh, I smell something." "What's that?" "Cookies?" "Are those cookies?" "Yes!" "Cookies, come to Zeus, baby." "Got 'em." "Belinda always said to brush after every meal." "Now this is the life." "What happened when Santa Claus's cat swallowed a ball of yarn?" "She had mittens." "Voice:" "Come, Zeus, drink from my well." "Zeus:" "Did I just...?" "Am I going crazy?" "Voice:" "You're not going crazy." "You're just alone and thirsty." "Whoa." "Voice:" "Don't worry, Belinda will understand." " Zeus:" "Bottoms up." " Come, enjoy." "It's cool and refreshing." " This dog sure is messy." " I know, and I love it." "What's going on?" "Franz, is that you?" "Plumbers." "Zeus:" "I get it." "This is all a setup." "George isn't really bringing me back to the pound." "He just wanted to see how I was gonna react." "All right, I'll show him." "Anybody home?" "Wait a minute." "These guys don't smell like plumbers." "These guys are the real deal." "This is definitely not a test." "See?" "Just like I told you, nobody home, no dog." "It's gonna be a piece of cake." " I hope you're right, Captain." " What did I tell you about calling me that?" "You said to call you General." "You didn't say nothing about Captain." " Don't call me anything." "No nicknames." " Okay." "I gotta do something." "These guys are coming to rob the house." "I'm gonna get this one." "Step aside." "You know what you're doing?" "I worked for a locksmith." "You forget about these things." "Keep your eye out there." "Ahh." "Come on, baby." "Come on, let Uncle Stewey teach you." "Come on, come on." "Come on." "What's taking so long?" "Relax." "This is my first time." "I thought you said you worked for a locksmith." "Shh." "I did, but I made keys." "I know just the thing to get rid of these hooligans." "Here." "Use this." "Now you're talking." "Step aside." "(dogs barking)" "Argh!" "I don't like dogs." "I'm scared of dogs." "I won't work with dogs." "I've been telling you..." "No, you are going inside." "Yes, you are." "I hate dogs." "I'm scared of them." "They always bite me." "Come on, give me that." "Give me that thing." " Stop it." " Give that thing back." " What's wrong with you?" " Look look." "Argh!" "I'm not going in there with dogs." "I hate dogs." "(cat mews)" "We're coming back here in two hours." "I've got a plan for that dog." "Shh." "Hey, Dad, when are we gonna get there?" "Trust me, son, when we get there, we will be there." "Hey, Mom, when are we gonna get there?" "Kids, why don't we sing a Christmas song, a happy song?" "Oh, that's a great idea, honey." "Dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh" "Through the fields we go, laughing all the way, ha ha ha." "George:" "Well, Benji, we're finally here." "The Bannisters made it to Grandma's." "Ben:" "Great." "Flat soda and stale pretzels, here we come." "George:" "Hey, it's Christmas." "Show some Christmas spirit, will ya?" "(humming a tune)" " Great pretzels, Mom." " Oh, I made them." "When?" "Last Christmas?" "Well, it's German." "It should be hard." "Hey, not at the table." " A pretzel?" " Oh, you love those, honey." "Yeah, not those." "Well, what are we doing?" "Look at this." "We are making popcorn." " Oh, this is gonna be so fun, huh?" " Isn't it?" "Yeah." "Come on, cheer up." "Santa is gonna be here later tonight." "He is." "I hope somebody's been good." "Oh, we're gonna have to leave some milk and cookies out for Santa in case he gets hungry, you know." "What's the matter?" "Who's gloomy?" "Oh, gloomy faces." "Santa's not gonna like that, or his elves." "So somebody'd better smile." "Oh, this one broke." "Come on, guys, this is fun." "Santa is looking right now down from the chimney and going, "Hmm, I don't know if I want to visit those kids." "They're not very happy."" "Oh, let's face it, I'm just not good at confrontation anymore." "These paws have seen better days." "I'm a has-been, or maybe worse..." "a never-was." "I won't let these guys ruin Christmas." "I'm gonna go out and get some help." "And when these guys come back they're gonna be sorry." "All I have to do is sneak past the crazy cat lady's house." "Come on, you can do it." "Mush mush mush, Zeus." "No stopping until I..." "oh, a tree branch." "(whines)" "Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark." "(groans) Huh?" "Where am I?" "What is this place?" "Oh, no." "I'm in the cat's den with that crazy cat broad." "Wait, what's with the poker?" "Cat lady:" "Hey, buddy." "(Zeus sniffs) Stew?" "Uh-oh, it might be laced." " How are you doing?" " But I'm starving." "You were out cold." "We fixed you up pretty good, didn't we, Chegwee?" "Chegwee:" "Unfortunately." "You just don't listen to those stories that kids tell." "You know, people get the wrong idea." "They think 'cause I don't put any lights outside for Christmas," "I'm a Scrooge." "Truth is, I just don't have anybody to help me." "That's what happens when you outlive most of your family." "That's why it's just Chegwee and me." "So don't worry," "I'm not gonna send you to the pound anytime soon." " Well, that's a relief." " If you behave." "Say what?" "Are you hungry?" "You know, I could really go for some of that stew right now." "On, no, wait." "What am I saying?" "You stay there." "Hey, you, what's your name?" "Zeus." "Why are you whispering?" "You know she can't hear us, right?" "Yeah, right." "Keep it down." "So what's it like being a dog?" "Today it stinks." "What's it like being a cat?" "It's not so bad." "You get to spy on people through windows and poop inside." "Keep it down." "Here she comes." "A Christmas feast." "Zeus:" "Stew!" "Yeah!" "A dog's best friend." "All right, now sign of poison." "Oh, you were hungry." "All right." "That's some tasty stew." "Well done, cat lady." "You know, I've been watching you." "And I don't mean to pry or get personal, but I've noticed you don't bark." "Great." "Does everybody on the block know I can't bark?" "What are you afraid of?" "Let's just say the last time I barked something bad happened." "And now everything's all messed up and I don't know what to do." "Fear is a funny thing." "You let it in and it starts to overtake every part of your life." "Long time ago my dog Rufus... he attacked me." "Yeah." "I found out the hard way he didn't like dried Kibble." "She's still feeding me Kibble." "Thanks." "One day he just snapped, tore through my best sweater like a wild hyena." "I had to give him away, which is probably where the rumor got started." "And for the longest time" "I was afraid of every dog." "And then one day I realized that it was silly to let one incident make me afraid of all dogs." "Everybody had fears, but you just gotta face them." "And when you do, they go away." "They do?" "Well, I was the number-one K-9 in my division until that day." "Get down, Zeus." "Get down." "Zeus, Zeus, Zeus." " (Zeus barking)" " Stop him from barking." "Zeus, get down." "Stay back." "Zeus:" "It was my fault." "Because of my barking," "I blew a five-year investigation." "And to top it off, my partner broke his trigger finger." "He was never able to shoot straight again." "You can't use what happened there as an excuse to stop being what you are." "You gotta be what you were meant to be and do what you were meant to do." "Hey, this old cat may have a point." "(whistling)" "Girl on TV:" "Come on, Chappy, come on." "You can do it." "Boy on TV:" "You're the greatest dog of all." "Thank you." "I wish we could keep Zeussy." "Ben:" "Yeah, I bet Zeus can do that." "Belinda:" "No, honey." "This is just a TV show." "In real life dogs can't do that." " Yes, they can." " No, they can't." " That's what they are made for." " Don't tell them that." "That's not true." "I'm telling them what's in the magazine." "The magazine is not correct." "What are you watching?" "Oh, "Chappy the Dog."" "What's going on?" "Why do you think I read this thing?" "I don't know why you read this thing." "This is absurd." " Well, it's to inform myself." " That is not a real dog." "Yes, it is." " It's a good magazine." " It's Christmas." "I don't care." "It's a good magazine." "Oh, I've seen this episode." "Do you know what's gonna happen?" "Chappy is gonna get to that girl before her mother does." "And then Chappy's gonna save that little girl." "And then..." " Grandma, do you mind?" " Sorry." "I can be the dog I once was." "I was trained to fight crime and that's what I'm gonna do." "When those perps come back, you bet Chegwee's whiskers I'll be ready." "Okay, I need to gather weapons and ammo." "Can't use those..." "too small." "Okay, let me see, let me see, let me see." "Ooh, maybe I can use Santa as a decoy." "No no no, too big, too big." "Bingo." "Yes!" "My K-9 sense is tingling." "Peekaboo, you robbers you." "You definitely want to do this?" "Yeah." "Turn the car off." "Now remember what I said..." "no funny business." "Define "funny business."" "Like that time on the Smith Street job when I walked in and you were raiding the refrigerator." "Prune juice, liverwurst and potato-chip sandwiches... that's funny business." "I was constipated." " A liverwurst sandwich?" " They didn't have no bologna." "You know I like my bologna fresh and thin-sliced from the butcher, not that supermarket stuff." "And we've been together how long now?" "You know that whenever we pull a job I get anxiety." "And anxiety causes me to get A) gas, or B) hunger." "What would you rather do..." "me blow a couple farts or me eat a sandwich?" "What would you rather me do?" "Stewey... no funny business." "No funny business." "No funny business." "I guess hunger is funny business." "Stewey:" "You understand me?" "Ted:" "I told you, I got a plan." "I came prepared." "That's why I brought this muzzle." "Stewey:" "I'm not putting that on." "It's for the dog, you numbskull." "It's a muzzle." "How are you gonna put it on the dog?" "Well, that's what this is for." "Mace?" "This don't work." "If it doesn't, a backup plan..." "I got a tranquilizer gun." "Where did you get that from?" "In the last house we boosted there was a rat." "You're a genius." "I'm gonna hit this door right here." "Keep an eye out for this cat lady and we're off." "Zeus:" "I wouldn't do that if I were you." " Yeah, take that." " Oh!" " Oh, who's the tough guy now?" " Ow." " Stewey:" "What was that?" " Zeus:" "Boom!" " Oh, goes the dynamite." "Take another." " You idiot." " What did I do?" " I thought the house was clear." " Zeus:" "And another." " We saw them leave, didn't we?" " Who's doing that then, the mutt?" " Can't be the mutt alone." "They must have left one of the kids behind to watch him." "You boys look a little dirty." "Ah, this ought to do the trick." "Here we go." "Let's give you a little flour shower." " Let's get him." " Let's get him." "We'll use the basement." "He can't drop stuff on us this way." "Zeus:" "Oh, there's more where that came from." "Enter at your own peril." "Stewey:" "I'm just gonna kick in the basement door." "If there's kids in there, then there's no way the alarm is turned on." " (crash) Stewey:" "Argh!" "I think I broke my ankle." "I told you this was a bad idea, Ted." "Shh." "What's wrong with you?" "Forget the plant." "Come on." "Okay, you go this way." "I'll go this way." "Yell if you hear the boy." "Here's a little gutter ball for you." "Strike!" "Ted, where'd you go?" "Ted." "Ted." "Stewey." "Okay, this is it." "It's now or never." "If I bark loud enough, that cat broad will call me some backup." "Teddy." "Teddy." "Little boy," "Stewey here." "Don't be scared." "I'm not gonna hurt you." "As a matter of fact, I got a pork chop in my pocket with some cookies." "Hey, it's Christmas." "You and me..." "we're gonna be buddies and we're gonna have a good time." "Zeus:" "A good time." "Yeah, let's start by playing "pin the cuffs on the robbers."" "Stewey:" "It's gonna be fine." "I'm gonna just reach in my pocket..." " Bark, you fool, bark." "...and get you this little treat, okay?" "Like I said, Uncle Stewey's here and I'm gonna make everything fine." "Oh, he got me with the oldest trick in the book... the old muzzle over the noggin." "Gotcha." "Where's the kid?" " He's not around." " Huh?" "Listen, I looked in every crack in this shack." "There's nothing..." "no kid, no nobody." "That's impossible." "Are you sure?" "Everywhere... under the beds." "I checked the windows." "They were closed." "I'm telling you, there's nobody here." "Well, if there's no kid, then who sabotaged us?" "Yours truly." " Ted:" "That's ridiculous." " Zeus:" "You're telling me." "Look at this." "What's that?" " "K-9."" " Zeus?" "I don't believe it." "We're dealing with a certified K-9." "Stewey:" "Wow, a real police dog." "I've seen a whole special about these guys." "Wait a second, it's him." "This dog is one of the smartest dogs in the world." " Give me this stick here." " Well, he ain't that smart." "Zeus:" "Talk is cheap where I come from, marshmallow man." " Let me smash him." " No." "No no, first we get what we came for, then you can do whatever you want to, okay?" "I don't like dogs." "(breathing deeply)" "Ted, you always make me feel a lot better." "I'm gonna make you suffer, then suffer some more, and then you'll know what pain is." "Let's get out of here." " Come on." " Hold this for me." "That's a nice picture." "Well, that went well." "(snoring)" "Mommy, I miss Zeussy." "Yeah, me too." "Can we go get him?" "Both:" "Please." "It is Christmas Eve." "Yeah, Mom." "You always said no one should be home alone for Christmas Eve." "Yeah, you said that." "Maybe we shouldn't have left him alone." "He could be destroying the house as we speak." "So let me go get him." "I'll be back in a couple hours." " We want to go too." " Yeah, can we come?" "Sure." "Let's do it, all right." "Let's go, let's go." "Hey, what if we run into Santa on the way?" "Oh, don't worry, sweetheart." "Santa's reindeer are no match for the Bannister sleigh." " That's right." "Let's go." " Cool." "Shh, don't wake up Grandma." "(snoring)" "Where did you go?" "Well, wait for me." "(horn honks)" "Zeus:" "What are those guys doing downstairs?" "Oh, I gotta get out of here." "A house this nice, and all they got is prepackaged bologna?" "Unbelievable." " What are you doing?" " Nothing." "What did I tell you?" "I told you, no funny business." "Listen, Ted, I've been through a wringer today." "Let me just eat in peace." "We've been in this house too long already." "Do you want to go back to jail?" "I'll probably get better bologna there." "You're better than that, Stewey." "Come on." "They probably got better bologna in the fridge downstairs." "This is worse than the time I got dog-napped by that crazy clown who shot me out of a cannon twice a week for a month." "Almost got it, almost." "Come on, almost." "Boo-ya!" "These guys are loaded." "Why are you eating again?" "I told you, don't eat." " I'm hungry." " You just ate two seconds ago." " That was a long time ago." " (siren whoops)" "Cops cops." "That was subtle." "(police radio chatter)" "Shh." "Who's out there?" " The cops." " What do they want?" "They want to wish you Merry Christmas." " Really?" " No." "They're patrolling the neighborhood." "What do you think?" "Shh." "You breathe so loud." " Policeman:" "Hello." " (farts)" " Police." "Anybody here?" " Stop it." "When I'm nervous, I pass gas." "It's anxiety, you know." " Yeah, well, cork it up." " (farts)" "(sniffs)" "Ugh, you smell that, man?" "(farting)" "I think they can hear that." "What is that?" "Oh, it's burning." " It burns." "Yours burn?" " No, mine doesn't burn." "I'm out of here." "No no no." "Stop." "Forget the sandwich." " My sandwich." " Forget the sandwich." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Let's get out of here." "God." "We're going to jail for sure." "I knew we shouldn't have done this." "We shouldn't have broke the rule." "Break the rules?" "It's all your escapade." "Remember, in the car?" ""We do one more heist... we can pay off Tony Roe." That was you, remember?" "I didn't say that." "You said that." "You're lying skunk." "You also said you were gonna get the money and the nose job." "You said that." "I don't need a nose job." "Whatever." "Some plumbers." "They probably broke a gas pipe." "That's what it was." "(police radio chatter)" "Oh, we just caught a break." "All right, let's get our gear, all the loot, and let's get out of here." " Got it?" " Got it." "Stop playing with the statues." "I'm in the mood to go to the track." "Now these guys have gone too far." "No more Mr. Nice Dog." "Bright" "Proud young" " Don't say that word..." "Mother and child." "Mom, Dad, if she doesn't stop right now" "I'm gonna open up the door and jump right out of the car." "Okay?" "Can you please tell her?" "Bright." "Stewey." "I'm just relaxing, shooting some pool." "Leave the stuff alone." "Go get the loot." "Just this knot and I'm out of here." "Sleep in heavenly peace." " (door opens) - (tires screech)" "George:" "Hey, get back in the car." "(snoring)" "Ben, a little help here, please." "Hey, Jack, Zeus is back." "Ted, what about these gifts?" "You're heartless, you know that?" "Time to pay the piper, boys." "How are they gonna feel when they come back and they think that Santa skipped their house, huh?" " I like toys." " That's because you're a child." "Boy, these guys are whack." "(sniffs) Is that bologna?" "How about we take half of them and sell them online, and take the other half and we keep them?" " Now you're talking." " All right." "There you go." "Wait, did you hear something?" "No, I didn't hear anything." "It's up on the roof." "Maybe it's the reindeer." "Maybe it's Santa." "He's gonna catch us." "Santa's not gonna catch us if you will move your butt." "Not for nothing, Ted, I don't want coal in my stocking two years in a row." "There are no reindeer on the roof." "Are you saying you don't believe in Santa?" "Of course I believe in Santa, but everybody knows that Santa does not start his route until after midnight." "You're right." "When you're right, you're right." "Mm-hmm." "But wait a second, how come there's gifts and toys here already?" "Maybe he made an early stop." "He can do that?" "He can do whatever he wants to." "He is Santa." "You're right." "You're right." "Ted, you always know how to make me feel better." " Now can we move?" " Let's do this, yes." "Stack me up." " (growling)" " You and your stomach." "Would you go to the bathroom already?" "That's not my stomach." "My stomach's fine." "No, I can hear it growling like a wild coyote." "Ted, that's not my stomach." "(growling)" "(screams)" "Get off." "Stewey, get off." " I'm trying." " Stewey, I can't breathe." "(both yelling)" "Stewey:" "I ain't fat." "I'm big-boned." "This is it, Zeus." "You can do it." "Bark." "Bark." "Let it out, Zeus." "Think of the Bannisters and bark." " Get him." " Zeus:" "I'm doing it." "I'm doing it." "I'm barking." "I'm actually barking." "Zeus:" "Go ahead, punk." "Give it your best shot." "Don't move." "I'm gonna get you." "(screaming)" "You have caused us a lot of trouble today." "Boy, did you clowns pick the wrong house." "Stewey:" "Get that dog." "Oh, Stewey." " You okay?" " Huh?" "I'm sorry." "Ooh." "Come on, come on." "Let's go." "Let's get out of here." "You can make it." "Come on, Stewey." "You can make it." "Come on, come on." "You're always making me feel so much better." "No no no no, get up." "Come on, Stewey, wake up." "Wake up, Stew, Stewey." "Stewey, we're gonna get caught." "You're going back to jail." "Come on, don't you go to sleep right now." "Come on, Stewey." "We're gonna get caught." "I don't want to go to jail." "Stewey." "Zeus:" "Come on." "I just gotta get this." "Here we go." "Lights out." "Sleep well, boys." "Man over radio:" "We've got reports of a struggle at 5737 Red Maple, reported by the neighbor across the street." "Over." "God rest ye, merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay ?" "?" "Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas day." "(Zeus barking)" "Whoa whoa, easy." "Fellows, what took you so long?" "Whoa whoa whoa, just calm down." "Nice nice." "I don't have any treats either." "Give him a treat." "Give him some gum." "I've got some gum." "Gum?" "(Zeus barking)" "Whoa, easy, boy." "Excuse me, what's going on here?" "I'm George Bannister." "I live here." "George buddy, I did it." "I stopped them." " There was an attempted robbery." " We received a call from your neighbor." " The woman with the white cat." " A white cat?" "If it wasn't for your dog, these guys would have gotten away." "Zeus:" "All in a day's work." "Oh my gosh." "Wait, the dog?" "Really?" "He's a hero, honey." "You're a hero, Zeus." "Zeus:" "Sorry about the mess, guys." "If I had hands, I'd clean it up myself." "Let's get him out of the way." "Zeus:" "And let that be a lesson to you..." "never resist arrest." "Oh, and by the way, I talked to Santa... you're both getting coal in your stocking this year." "Jeez." "(grunting)" "Whoa whoa whoa." "I can't believe he's barking." " Yay, he's barking, he's barking!" " Tell him to put a sock in it already." "Of course he's barking, honey." "These dogs are so highly trained and intelligent, they're trained to bark and not to bark." "Right now he happens to be barking." "You were right." "He came through when it counted." "I told you he just needed a little chance, that's all." "Zeussy, you saved Christmas." " Yeah, he did." " Aw, thanks." "I love you guys." "Just Zeus, honey." "I got him." "Take this clown." "Let's go." "You're going to jail." "Ow." "Don't say anything." "Zeussy boy!" "Zeus:" "Hey, Ben, Kara, I missed you guys." " Kara:" "Come here, Zeussy." " Ben:" "Zeussy boy, how are you doing?" " We missed you so much." " Come on, Zeussy." " Mr. Bannister." " Yeah?" "You know, we could really use a dog like Zeus down at the precinct." "How about it, Mr. Bannister?" "Would you consider letting us adopt him?" "Come on, Mom, can we please keep Zeussy?" "Yeah, Mommy, we want to keep Zeussy." "Zeus:" "Sorry, Officers, but I'm retired and living the good life now." "Well, looks like he's become a part of the family." "Yeah, what do you think, Zeus?" "Do you want to become a police dog or do you want to stay a Bannister?" "Zeus:" "Zeus Bannister has a nice ring to it." "You know what, guys?" "We've been through so much with this dog that he's got to stay a Bannister." " Policeman:" "We understand." " Sorry about that." "Well, Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." "Bye." "(police siren wailing)" " Hi." " Hi there." "I'm George Bannister." "This is my family." "Well, I'm Mildred." "This is Chegwee." " Hi, Mildred." " Nice to meet you finally." " You too." " Hey." "Annie?" "Millie?" "Oh my goodness." "You guys know each other?" "Singles night at the karaoke bar." "We won first place." "Hava nagila, hava nagila." "That is wild." " Is this your family?" " Yes, it is." "Oh, for heaven's sake." "Oh my God, who's this?" " This is Chegwee." " Hi, Chegwee." "I owe it all to you, Millie." "It turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks." "Well, you're welcome for egg-nog, if you'd like." "Oh, come on, yeah, have some egg-nog with us." "I can't believe it." "I haven't seen you in so long." "We gotta go back and do this." "I mean, you were, like, my best partner." "Nobody else could sing like me, off key." "George, look at the mess." "I know, honey." "We were robbed, so this is what it's gonna look like." "Honey, but let's try to relax and enjoy the evening." "I mean, it is Christmas Eve, okay?" "We'll take care of this later." "Okay." " Merry Christmas." " Merry Christmas." "I think I hear carolers." "Me too." "We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year." "Ah, look at this." "Belinda:" "Come on." "We wish you a merry Christmas" "We wish you a merry Christmas" "We wish you a merry Christmas" "And a happy new year" "We wish you a merry Christmas" "We wish you a merry Christmas" "We wish you a merry Christmas" "And a happy new year" "We wish you a merry Christmas" "We wish you a merry Christmas" "We wish you a merry Christmas" "And a happy new year." "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night." "George, it just seems..." " stop it." " I know, it's me." "It's not you." "Okay okay okay." "I think he's become... what?" " I'm good." "I'm good." " Okay okay okay." "Now where do I put these?" "Oh, anywhere, sweetheart." "Anywhere your little heart desires." "You want to put that up top there?" "Yeah, that's good, but, honey, we're trying to make it look prettier, you know," "Just a little prettier." "But that's okay." "It was a good try." "Ow." "Agh!" "(man laughing)" " (farts)" " Oh, shh." "(laughing)" " Woof woof." " Ruff." "Sleep in heavenly peace... (muttering)" "Sleep" "You can sleep." "You can sleep." "Sleep in heavenly" "Peace." "Come on, Stewey, come on." "(laughs)" "How about half a dog with two legs?" "(muttering)" " Okay." " Girl:" "George!" " George." " George." " George." " Okay." "Hmm, I don't know if I want to visit those kids." "They're not very happy." "Well, they must have done something wrong." "Man:" "Okay, I gotta stop." "(laughing)" "Woman:" "Somebody's gotta stop." "(crash)" "You all right?" "Just what I thought... no expression means Bannister." " Okay, we understand." " Thank you very much." "All right, here we go." "Come on, come on." "Stop it." "Okay." "Come on, come on." "Belinda, trust me, okay?" "These..." "Trust me." "Belinda, trust me." "Okay, honey?" "These K-9 police dogs are so highly... what's the matter?" "Okay." "Okay." "Belinda, trust me." "Look at this little guy." "Yeah, you're a cute one, aren't you?" "Oh, yeah." "You're so cute." "You're so cuddly." "Look at you." "(dog barking)" "Argh!" "You okay?" "Don't touch the dog." "(laughing)" "That's it." "(crew laughing)" "Do I ask too much?" "Do I pray too hard?" "Crossing all my paws" "Wishing on a star" "That someday there'll be" "A home for me" "And they'll call my name and they'll really see" "Who I truly am in my heart" "Christmas, Merry Christmas" "The most magical time of the year" "Christmas, let love find me" "I'll kiss their face, I'll wag my tail" "I'll strut my stuff bringing in the mail" "Well, I wait and I believe" "Deep in my heart" "I'm right here with you" "And that someday" "My Christmas dream" "Can come true" "On this Christmas Eve don't need Santa's toys" "I have one request:" "To find my voice" "Not to be afraid, to have the faith" "This old K-9 has what it takes" "Can I dig real deep" "And can I make them proud?" "And can I rise above" "Memories and doubt?" "Christmas, Merry Christmas" "The most magical time of the year" "Christmas, let love find me" "And I'll stand up tall and I'll be so strong" "And I'll keep the watch, see them through the storm" "Well, I'll wait" "And I'll believe" "Deep in my heart" "I'm right here with you" "And that someday my Christmas dream" "Can come true" "Don't need candy canes underneath the tree" "Or a Milk-Bone mountain that's five feet deep" "At leash that's made of solid gold" "A diamond collar to call my own" "Just somebody who will throw a bone" "Play fetch together all day long" "The bestest friend in a furry coat" "And I won't be left out in the cold" "Christmas, Merry Christmas" "The most magical time of the year" "Christmas, let love find me" "I'll kiss your face, I'll wag my tail" "I'll strut my stuff bringing in your mail" "I'll find my voice, and when I do" "I'll stand by every one of you" "And so I'll wait" "And I'll believe in my heart..."