" The arena is ready." " Got yo ass." " The matchups are set." " I don't wanna say Anna's desperate for love, but I did see her standing in front of a Home Depot wearing a wedding dress." " The competition is ugly." " This is one of the rawest, best shows in all of the country." " Last year, "Roast Battle" exploded out of LA's Comedy Store..." " Alex is so ugly, when he goes to a glory hole, the guy on the other side wants to just be friends." " And spread like herpes at a music festival." "What's up, roast fans?" "The best roast comics on the planet..." " You know, black people love Ralphie." "Mainly because he breaks through walls to give them Kool-Aid." " Duked it out in front of an all-star panel..." " Stop." "Oh, Jesus." " And we crowned our first champion." "Now, "Roast Battle" is back." "We searched the nation for the hottest roast comics and brought the 16 best to the Sunset Strip." "They're about to go mic to mic..." " Let's roast!" " For four nights straight... [together] Ooh!" " And tonight, our guest judges," "Anthony Jeselnik and my man Snoop Dogg, will decide who will roast on and who will go up in smoke." "This is "Roast Battle II:" "War of the Words."" " ♪ We got them rabid for battle ♪ [echoing] ♪ For battle [hip-hop techno music]" "♪ We got them rabid for battle ♪ [echoing] ♪ For battle" "Yeah!" "[grunts]" "♪ We got them rabid for battle ♪ crowd: [chanting] Battle!" " [bleep], yeah!" "What's up, Los Angeles?" "What's up?" "What's up, guy?" "Welcome to "Roast Battle II:" "War of the Words"!" "[cheers and applause]" "Big shout-out to Comedy Central for building us this roasting arena right here on the Sunset Strip." "[cheers and applause]" "Wow, I mean, so many careers have started right here on this street, and this weekend, some will rise like a Phoenix, and other will collapse on the sidewalk like River Phoenix." "[laughter] [together] Roast master!" "Roast master!" "Roast master!" " Hey, right here is our best, uh, Twitter darlings, our favorite people in the world," ""Roast Battle" biggest fans." "That's Jamar, Jeremiah, and Willie." "The Wave!" "[cheers and applause]" "For the next four nights," "I'll show you 16 roasters busting each other's balls, humps, and tits for fame, money, bragging rights, and that championship trophy right there." "[cheers and applause]" "If you've never seen "Roast Battle" before, let me warn you:" "Sometimes these battles get mean and ugly." "So to keep it mean and pretty tonight, please say hi to one of the best in the game, the Aryan Contrarian, my friend Anthony Jeselnik." "[cheers and applause] - [mouthing]" " What's up, buddy?" " Good to see you again, man." "Thank you." " What makes you wanna judge another battle, Anthony?" " Uh, just because you can't do another one without me." " [chuckles] Okay." "Well, I appreciate you coming out, buddy." "I really do." " I know you do." " When they go low, he stays high." "Say hello to man's best friend," "Snoop Dogg!" "[cheers and applause]" "Yeah!" "Snoop." " What is do, Jeff?" " You've done so many roasts, man." "Why do you love roasts so much, Snoop?" " Because in elementary school, junior high school, and high school, I was, like, a class clown, so I was sort of kinda like a comedian" " What up, Snoop?" " What up, my [bleep]?" "So..." "[cheers and applause]" "So, uh--so, I kinda like" "I love being in the world of comedians 'cause I love-- I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh, so why not?" "[cheers and applause]" " I feel ya." "Thank you." "You know, Snoop and Anthony, the last time the three of us were in the same room together, we roasted the President of the United States of America." "[audience laughs and jeers]" "So let me ask you guys, is it our fault?" "[laughter]" " You know, some people choose to see the glass as half empty..." " Yeah." " I see the glass as half retarded." "[laughter]" " All right, duly noted." "This is what we need everybody." "Some [bleep] "Roast Battle:" "War of the Words"!" " Yes, sir." " Are you ready to start this tournament?" "Make it loud, everybody, for your referee" "Brian mother[bleep]" "Moses!" "[cheers and applause] [air horn blowing] [hip-hop music playing] all: [chanting] Battle!" " There it is." "Whoo!" "All right." "What up, L-dot-A?" "How we feeling?" "[cheers and applause]" "Let's get to this verbal violence." "Your first battler comes from deep in the heart of Texas." "[inhales sharply]" "If you call the suburbs of Dallas the heart of Texas." "[laughs]" "He used to sleep in his opponents living room." "He looks like a boy, but his jokes pack a man-sized punch." "He's got big lips, but he's no pussy." "Make love for Jay Light!" "[cheers and applause]" "♪" "Yeah." " Hello." " Nice." " The Trump presidency is fairing you well, I see." " Yeah." " [bleep], yeah, white power." "Uh, his opponent is Hispanic, so I've been told to do this intro in Spanish." "[speaking Spanish] Comedy Store." "[laughter] [speaking Spanish]" "[affected laugh] [laughter] [speaking Spanish]" "Frank Castillo!" "[cheers and applause] [mariachi music playing]" "♪" "Yes." "Whoo!" "[speaking Spanish]" "You broke through that wall, huh?" " Yeah!" " This is Frank's last night in America." "Say "hi" to Frank, everybody." " [laughs]" " Jeff, this is a door-guy battle from The Comedy Store." "What do you think about this one?" " This is what "Roast Battle" was all about." "Both of these guys worked the door across the street at The Comedy Store." "Tonight, one of them is advancing and the other one is going back to his shift at The Comedy Store." "[laughter]" " All right, let's get to the rules of "Roast Battle."" "There's three." "Original material only." "No Internet jokes, no "your mama" jokes, no street jokes." "No physical contact." "You guys both shop at the same LensCrafters." "Not worried about that." "Not worried about that at all." "Third rule, at the end of every battle, we hug." "audience:" "Aww." "Who cares?" "Frank, Jay, one round, four jokes." "Who wants it first?" " I'm going first." "[cheers and applause]" " All right." "[laughs]" "Are you ready to see some hot door guy-on-guy action?" "[cheers and applause]" "Let's roast!" "[bell dinging]" " Frank turned down a college scholarship 'cause where he's from, every full ride gets busted up by the Border Patrol." " [laughs] audience:" "Ooh." " Jay looks like he's really excited to tell us about the new features of Windows '95." "[cheers, laughter, and applause]" " Thank you, Fozzie Bear with alopecia." " [chuckles] You're welcome, Prick Moranis." "[laughter]" " No problem, Pitbull going through a midlife crisis." "[laughter]" " Frank's a huge fan of the Raiders." "Refrigerators." "[laughter]" "That's right, guys, this chunky Mexican's really living Velveetaloca." "[laughter] [gun clicks]" " Jay's girlfriend wears the pants in the relationship because Jay wears capris." "audience:" "Oh!" " When Frank's cousin died of an overdose," "Frank became addicted to video games." "It's just too bad you couldn't give him one of those extra lives." " [laughs]" "Oh, my God." "Jay, why are your lips so big?" "Are they irritated from constantly shushing black people?" " Ooh." "[audience roars] [hip-hop music playing] [cheers, laughter, and applause] [air horn blowing]" "♪" " Uh, Frank..." " Last joke." "[laughter]" " Frank, you're just jealous 'cause with these lips, you know I'd suck dick better than your girlfriend." " Oh!" "[bombs exploding] both:" "Oh!" " Shit!" " What the [bleep]?" "[laughter]" " Whenever Jay takes his shirt off, women go, "Oh, my God, that breast cancer survivor is so brave." "[scattered cheers and applause]" "Those are mine." "[bell dinging]" " Hey, that's it, everybody." "That's the roun--first round." "This is Jay." "This is Frank." "They used to live together." "[bell dinging] [laughs]" "Jeff, what'd you think about this one?" " It's like the battle of, uh, Brad Pitt's real kid against his adopted kid or something." "[laughter]" "Frank, is your mom here tonight?" " Yes, she is." " Where is sh--oh, right here?" " Hey!" "[cheers and applause]" " She's a big Snoop Dogg fan, so watch out." " Oh, yeah!" " Very, very close battle." "Frank, I don't know if you won, but your mom's definitely getting some dick tonight." "I know that." " Black dick matters!" "Black dick matters!" " Oh, my God." "all: [chanting] Black dick matters!" " Thank you, everybody," " Snoop, what do you think about these two guys?" " Well, um, I was thoroughly entertained." "For them to be door guys, they was actually funny, man." "I mean, I--I really thought y'all was real funny, man, but, um, in my eyes, you know" "Mother, can you look at me one time, Mother?" " Oh, so into this." "[cheers and applause]" " I pick the winner right there." "[laughter]" "Baby want ba-ba." "Well, I think that you guys are gonna be great doormen for the next..." "[laughter]" "Ten years." "I'm looking forward to one of you [bleep] parking my car for me." "[laughter]" " I'll definitely park your car when you come visit my mom." "[laughter] audience:" "Oh!" " Oh, wow." " Frank's the only valet who has to have his mom drive him home from the show." "[laughter]" "You gonna pick somebody, Snoop?" "You gotta pick somebody." " I gotta pick somebody?" " Yeah." " This is it, bud." " I guess I'ma go with the Latino." " Oh!" " Frank... [cheers and applause]" "One vote for Frank." "Interesting." "What do you got, Anthony Jeselnik?" "You're a roasting expert." "Give these guys some knowledge." " Yeah, I've known both you guys for about the better part of a year from The Comedy Store, and this is the first time I'm actually learning your names." "Um... [laughter]" " Frank, Jay." " Sometimes when two good friends roast each other it's, like, an amazing "Roast Battle."" "This was not one of those times." "[laughter]" "I thought you both had, like, one great joke." "Like, uh, you're "extra life" joke about your cousin was really funny, and the 'shushing black people" joke, we've all had to deal with that." "Um... [laughter]" "I thought that was really great." " It really was." " I think" "I think it was very even." "I'm gonna go with Jay." " Ooh." " Even though I think it's a toss-up." "It's a toss-up, but I'm gonna give it to Jay." " Thank you." "[cheers and applause]" " [laughs]" " I'll say this, Jay Light, you're one of the best battlers in Los Angeles." "You're always consistent, but tonight, I think Frank nudged you out." "He was a crowd favorite tonight." " Whoa!" " Frank Castillo, congratulations." "[cheers and applause]" " This one's for Los Angeles and for Frank Castillo!" "[cheers and applause] Hug each other." "[hip-hop music playing]" "Great work, you two." "Jay, Frank." "Keep it going, keep it going." "[air horn blowing]" " I love battling friends." "So if I'm not your friend and we're about to battle," "I'm gonna call you and say," ""Hey, we're friends now." "Sorry."" "[air horn blowing]" " It's really nice to battle somebody with as many dead family members as I have." "I'm just gonna go out there and do what The Belly Room taught me how to do." "♪ audience: [chanting] Battle!" " ♪ We got them rabid or battle ♪" " Welcome back to "Roast Battle."" "Snoop Dogg, Anthony Jeselnik, and Jeff Ross are handling the judging duties for the show, and on the DJ equipment, it's our favorite DJ." "That's Coach Tea." "[cheers and applause]" "Who's ready for the next battle?" "[cheers and applause]" "This battler is originally from Charlotte, North Carolina." "Despite being from the south, he married a Latina... and despite being named after a whiskey, he's been sober since age 19." "Please give it up for the AA Assassin," "Evan Williams." "[cheers and applause] [punk rock music playing]" " Yes." "Yes." "Yes, you're battling a Latina." " I'm pretty stoked." " Your wife's Latina." "You finally get to say all the things you wanted to say to your wife." " Yeah, man." " Oh, perfect--all right." "Is she here?" " Snoop Dogg's here." " All right, Evan's opponent is from Orange County." "She's half Mexican and half German, but she's 100% orphan." "[laughter]" "She's already lost so much, so maybe she'll win tonight." "Keep it going for Anna Valenzuela." "[cheers and applause] [upbeat Latin music playing]" "♪ [laughs]" " Wow." " Ah, who knew." "We're in Los Angeles, we already have two Mexicans." "This is so appropriate." " This looks like" " Jeff:" "Evan, Anna." "What do you like-- who do you like?" " This looks like every couple fighting outside of Planned Parenthood." "[laughter]" "Anna's only been doing comedy how long?" " Two years." " Two years." "That's amazing." "Good for you." "If you were any greener," "Snoop would roll you up and pass you around." "[cheers, laughter, and applause]" "You guys have come a long way." "This is East Coast versus West Coast." "Have a good time, both of you." " Awesome." " All right." "[cheers and applause]" "Anna, Evan, you know the rules." "There's four jokes." "Who wants it first?" " I'll take it Let's do it, let's do it." " You're a gentleman." "Southern gentleman." "Evan, Anna, are we ready?" "[cheers and applause]" "Tequila, whiskey, let's roast!" "[bell dinging]" " Anna is Mexican, but she has a tramp stamp, she doesn't speak Spanish, and she vapes." "If you were any whiter, I'd relapse and snort you." "[laughter]" " You look like MTV2 became a man." "[laughter] [cheers and applause] [quietly] That's good." "That was good." "That was good." "Thank you, Adam Sandler in a wig." "I appreciate that." "I appreciate that." "audience:" "Oh!" " You were great in "Jack and Jill" as Jack." "Um, I, uh" "Anna's into bondage." "Tell me." "What was harder, putting the butt plug in or pulling the plug on your father?" "audience:" "Oh!" " Ay, papi." "All right." "[whistling]" " Oh, my God, Evan, that joke was longer than your brother's life." "audience:" "Oh!" " [chuckling]" " Evan wants to live his life just like Robin Williams." "Too bad his mom already beat him to it." "audience:" "Oh." " Anna... [both laugh]" "Pretty good." "[scattered cheers and applause]" "Anna worked with autistic kids, and just like those kids," "I'd rather cover my ears and count 1,000 tooth picks than listen to her talk." "You sound like the white lady at the restaurant that sends the food back and you look like the Mexican that cooks it." "[scattered laughter and murmurs]" " Oh, my God, Evan, that joke was longer than your mother's life." "audience:" "Oh." "[laughter]" " Evan has body dysmorphia, so none of you tell him how big his pussy looks in those jeans." "[cheers and applause] audience:" "Oh!" "[alarm blaring]" " Last joke." "Last joke." " Ah, good." "Really good." "I thought my pussy looked great in this, but thank you." "[laughter]" "Um, all right." "Anna--Anna slept with two guys that died soon after." "Her pussy kills more often than her stand up." "Just about--just about everybody Anna [bleep] dies, so I mean this when I say it, Anna." "Go [bleep] yourself." " [laughs] audience:" "Oh." " Evan's brother died when he was 19, his mom when he was 20, and then he got married at 21." "His vows must have been," ""Please don't leave me."" "audience: [scattered "Oh"s]" " Isn't it crazy, I was the coke head when she has the huge" " No, no, no, that's it!" "That's it." "That's--that is-- [bell dinging] That's gonna do it." "Break it up." "[cheers and applause]" "Evan, Anna." "Make noise." "[cheers and applause]" " Wow." "Interesting battle." "That was seriously some of the meanest battling" "I've ever heard in my entire life." " Pretty mean." " Yeah." " You guys need to hug one more time," "I think, right now." " Aww." " Look at this." " Nice." " Uh, you know, the "MTV2" joke was my favorite joke of that battle." " Thank you." " Great, Anna." " Nice job." " Thank you." " I'm gonna let Anthony take this one." " [clears throat] Yeah, uh, Anna, is said you've been doing comedy for only two years." "That surprises me." "I coulda sworn it was six months." "Um..." "[laughter]" "No, you guys both had good jokes, but there was a lot of inside baseball stuff in there." "Like, you're talking about brothers and fathers and mothers who died." "We don't know your [bleep] family." "We don't know what any of that's about." "I'm gonna go with Jeff and say that I think the best joke was the "MTV2" joke that everyone could get right away." "My vote's going for Anna." " Thank you." "[cheers and applause]" " All right." " Snoop, that's one joke for Anna Valenzuela." " Yeah, well, uh, I was-- I was taking score and shit while y'all was telling jokes and shit, right?" "You know what I'm saying?" "I was really taking score and shit." "[laughter]" " I love how seriously you're taking this." " Nah, I'm ser-- nah, nah, I'm tak-- for nig--look." " Wait, Snoop" " I was giving-- I gave cuz a couple of halves 'cause he got a couple of halves 'cause I didn't know what the [bleep] he was talking about." "[laughter]" " You're--you're "cuz."" " And then I can't" " That's the blunt talking, Snoop." "Come on." " I feel you, but then I was looking at Anna and that dress... [cheers]" " Yeah." " And she was actually funny." "I was like-- - [laughs]" " Like, "Damn, you funny as a mother[bleep] and you look good," so I'ma have to give it to Anna." " Thank you." " Oh!" "Jeff, make it official." "The Mexicans are invading." " Evan, you seriously are one of the best counterpunchers." "You're so good at this." "I hope you keep battling, but Anna, congratulations!" "First time on TV!" " How about that?" "Hug!" "[air horn blowing] [cheers and applause]" "Moving on to the next round, everybody, Anna Valenzuela." " [chanting] Anna." "all: [chanting] Anna." "[hip-hop music playing]" "♪" " I've known Joe for five years now." "He's one of the first people I met when I moved to LA." " She is a very good friend of mine." "We came up in comedy together." " I remember I said," ""Maybe we could roast some time,"" "and he was like, "[chuckling] Honey." "You're gonna have to get a few under your belt."" " She's a mediocre, forgettable, dry-haired woman." " Who's coming at you now, Joe?" "audience: [chanting] Battle!" "[electronic music]" " Hey!" "Whoo!" "Jeff..." " Yeah." " Hot night." " Great crowd, and by the way, special guest in the audience." "Tomorrow night's judge, my friend, roast master Whitney Cummings." "Take a bow, Whitney." "[cheers and applause] [air horn blowing]" "Love you, babe." " Whoa, whoa, whoa." " Oh, this way, Whitney." "Let me see." "Snoop, what're you-- having fun so far?" "What do you think of The Wave?" "What do you think about our guys, The Wave?" " Hey, man, hey, The Wave is off the mother[bleep] hook, man." " Yeah." "[cheers and applause]" "You know what I'm saying?" "I mean, I love the theatrics in all of the shit that they do, man." "They bring a lot of fly shit to the table, man." "Passing out oranges and shit." " Bring out the next battle," "Brian mother[bleep] Moses!" " Hold on, Jeff." "Hold on." " Moses in this mother[bleep]." "You hear me." " Listen, since we were hanging out with Snoop during the commercial break, let's recap what happened so far before we all forget." "In our first battle," "Frank Castillo squeaked by Jay Light to move on to the next round, and in the second battle, you saw Anna Valenzuela destroy Evan Williams to move on to face Frank in the quarterfinals." "But we got more battles!" "Who's ready for the next one?" "[cheers and applause]" " [chuckles] Ooh, this shit off the mother[bleep] hook, man." "I like this show, Jeff." " [laughs] We do too." " Snoop, you have a place of honor on every show I do." " No, I [bleep] with this." "No, I really[bleep] with this show, man." " We [bleep] with you, Snoop." " I [bleep] with this." " [laughs]" " I-Ihave a theory." " Hold on." " I actually have a theory." " Let's see what Anthony has to say." " I just like that Snoop is talking like he doesn't know he's actually part of the show." "[laughter]" "Like, you're a [bleep] cast member, man." "[laughter]" " She's a school teacher here in Los Angeles." "[cheers and applause]" "Originally from Oklahoma City." "The only thing tougher than her is pronouncing her last name." "Give it up for the girl with the Foo Fighters tattoo on her lower back, Leah Kayajanian." "[cheers and applause] [ska punk music playing]" "♪" "They love you, Leah." "Leah's opponent is a gay man from South Dakota who moved to Los Angeles..." " [laughs]" " Because he's a gay man from South Dakota." "Show some love for the Rainbow Brawler," "Joe Dosch." "[cheers and applause] [classical music playing] [laughing]" "♪" "Whoo!" " Look at this place." "Oh." " [laughs]" " It's good to be here, honey." "Hi, Snoop." " Hey!" " Hey." " Hi, sweetie." " Hey, I was won-- [laughter]" "Snoop, I was wondering." "Can I be your second gay friend after Dr. Dre?" "audience:" "Oh!" "[gun clicks, gunshots]" " I didn't say it." "I didn't say it." "I didn't say it." "[air raid siren blaring] audience: [chanting] Battle!" " [mouthing]" " Wow." " Wait a sec--wait a second." " He's mean." " That was disrespectful." "Don't pretend like you've never heard of Eazy-E." "[laughter] audience:" "Oh!" "[gun clicks, gunshots] [machine gun fire]" " Oh-ho-ho-ho." "Whoo, all right." " Fire, fire!" " They're gonna be funny, Snoop." "They're gonna be funny." "audience: [chanting] Battle!" "Feeling this shit, right?" " [chanting] Battle!" " All right." "Joe, Leah, it's one round, it's four jokes." "Who wants to go first?" " I think I'll be going first." " Gentlemen, let's roast!" "[bell dinging]" " [clears throat]" "Leah's parents are foreign immigrants and she's a four in LA." "audience:" "Oh!" "[laughter and applause]" " Memories." " Classics!" " Ooh." "You know, when I first met Joe," "I was in a very dark place... because his head was eclipsing the sun." "[scattered laughter]" " Leah's tits are so small she stuffs her bra with her chest hair." "[laughter and applause] [siren blaring]" "Oh, my." "Oh." "Ah." "Mm." "[scattered laughter]" " Joe's mother survived cancer, and then raised it for 18 years." "audience:" "Oh!" "[siren blaring]" " Okay." "Yes, yes, my mother just had breast cancer surgery." "By the way, Leah, it was very sweet of you to lend her some of your bras." "[laughter and applause]" "What do Leah and the Armenian genocide have in common?" "They're both too ugly for American to recognize." "[whistling, glass shattering] [bomb explodes]" " Joe, you bratty baby Prince." "You look like you spend a lot of time designing costumes for dead mice." "[snoring] - [clears throat]" " Last joke." " Leah's brother is autistic so that's one more man that won't make eye contact with her." "audience:" "Oh!" "[chainsaw buzzing]" " [laughing] No he didn't" " Joe, you know, it makes sense you're a bottom 'cause you look like you have Downs." "[scattered laughter] [bell dinging]" " Whoo!" " Hurray." " Joe, Leah." "Make noise." "[cheers and applause]" " Ooh, thank you." "Thank you." " Man." "This show is really [bleep] mean, Jeff." " Whew." "The crazy cat lady versus the guy who's never touched a pussy." "[laughter]" "You guys are good friends, you've never been on TV before." "I'm really happy the both of you battled each other." "That was a really" "Leah, you're really coming at Joe Dosch, but, you know, Joe, you get better every time you do this." "You took your game up a notch." "You look fantastic, buddy." ""Stuffs her bra with her own chest hair."" "[laughter]" "Joe Dosch, uh, this is a joke writers showcase, the art of the insult, and the two of you are great at it, but, Joe Dosch, you're getting better and better and better" "at the economic use of the language." "The way you write those short jokes and then your performance was off the charts tonight, so you got my vote." " Thank you." " Okay." "[cheers and applause]" "One for Joe." "Jeselnik?" " Uh, I gotta say, um, I think you both did great for your only time on television." "Uh..." "Leah, I think you screwed up by going after, like, a big head joke." "It didn't really land, and, Joe, you just kind of crushed her after that." "Joe, this was totally yours." "From front to back, you destroyed her." "Leah, uh, you should be ashamed of yourself." "[laughter]" " Jesus." " Snoop, any advice for these people?" " Uh, Leah, the school that you teach at," "I-I wanna give a shout-out to all of the students there... [laughter]" "Um, and for the winner," "I think the winner's gonna have... ♪ A gay old time [laughter, cheers, and applause]" " Joe Dosch, you win that one, buddy!" " Ladies and gentlemen... [cheers and applause]" "Aww." "Joe Dosch wins!" "Joe Dosch!" " Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "[hip-hop music playing]" " I have never battled Yamaneika before." "Technically, I don't think we're in the same weight class, but it's Jeff's show, right?" " I don't know how you even make him uncomfortable." "He lives in the uncomfortable." " Uh, I pretty much just use, uh, stereotypes and, uh... yeah, pretty much just racial stereotypes, so it--it's easy." " It's really hard to roast him because life's been roasting him for 39 years." "audience: [chanting] Battle!" "[hip-hop techno music]" " Are we ready for the last battle?" " Yeah." " Yeah, come on." "[cheers and applause]" "All right, our next battler, we are so excited to have." "He's an Emmy nominated writer on "Inside Amy Schumer."" "He's got a podcast called "Race Wars."" "He's one of the most polarizing figures in comedy today." "Make it loud for feminist icon" "Kurt Metzger." " Hey." "Hey." "[cheers and applause]" " Yes." "[rock music playing]" "Yes." "It's good to have you here on the only show that'll book you." "All right." " Thank you very much." " For Kurt's opponent, we found someone who was the complete opposite of him." "She's not only one of the best roasters out there, she's gorgeous, and I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm scared to death of her." "Everybody, please make it loud for Yamaneika Saunders." "[cheers and applause] [hip-hop music playing]" "Ooh." "♪" "Okay." "[air horn blowing]" "Damn." "Damn, okay." " Yamaneika." " Wow." " Wow." " I don't know how I'm gonna do this with a" " Hey, Yamaneika." " Way to bring it, Yamaneika." "Way to bring it, baby." " Thank you." " Hey, Yamaneika." " Look at this." " [laughs]" " God damn it." " Hey, Snoop." "Hey, Snoop." "Have you ever seen a cat suit that could fit nine lives before?" "[laughter]" "You look great, baby." " Thank you." " Hey, Yamaneika." " Hey, Snoop." " Hey, baby." "[clicks tongue]" " These two actually do have something in common, Brian." "They're both two of the most outspoken comics I know, so this is gonna be a very vicious battle right here." "I'm super psyched." "[cheers and applause]" " Perfect." "You guys know the rules." "Four jokes." "Who wants it?" " Go ahead." "Get your black and fat jokes out the way." "Go." " Oh, wow." " Let's roast!" "[bell dinging]" " Well, I actually came her on the same flight as Yamaneika, and it was a little bit scary because there was a ton of turbulence." "Uh--well, Turbulence is Yamie's sister's name." "[laughter]" " Okay, thank you." "Thank you." "Whoo." "Um, first of all, I'm glad that Kurt's here 'cause I didn't know this roast was gonna be open casket." "audience:" "Oh!" "[cheers, laughter, and applause]" " Wow." " Kurt likes to brag that he used to be a Jehovah Witness, which makes sense because every time he goes to a glory hole, nobody answers." "[laughter and applause]" " Wow." "Yamie, you really put the FU in FUPA." "I gotta say." "[laughter]" "Uh--no, listen, Yamie wa-- no, hold on." " I got spanks on, mother[bleep]." "There's no FUPA." " I" "I am not Bernie Sanders." "You can't interrupt me." "audience:" "Oh!" " But you dress shitty like him, mother[bleep]." "[cheers]" " By the way, how do you like Yamie's look?" "She calls it Broke Black Mountain." "[laughter]" " Well, I do like to [bleep] men in the woods." "Now..." " [chuckles]" " All right, in all seriousness," "Kurt was in a major car accident last week." "He called me complaining that they took every victim to the hospital except for him, but can you imagine seeing him fly through a car window with them shitty-ass eyebrows?" "They probably thought he was a Angry Bird." "[laughter and applause] [ambulance siren wailing] [chainsaw buzzing]" " Uh, why?" "Hold on." "That's right." "I was in a car accident, and that's why I was very afraid to go head-to-head with Yamaneika." "Because we're-- - [yells]" " [chuckles] We all saw what she did to Tracy Morgan's tour bus." "audience:" "Oh!" " Yeah, well, mother[bleep]..." " Oh, Turbulence." "If I was a truck that would have hit you," "I would have made sure like your comedy career, you died." "Now..." " You know, when I was backstage watching Yamie's stylist lower the wig onto her head like Darth Vader-- [laughter] I'm not finished." "Please." "I thought to myself" " And look what he look like talking about me." "Go ahead, mother[bleep], come on." " I thought to myself is it Saunders or Sanders?" "Either way, I know two things." "One, the Colonel took a lover." "Two, much like KFC," "Yamaneika's box is too big for the bones that are put into it." "[laughter]" " Last one, Yamaneika, last one." "Last joke." " Oh, is that chicken?" "Thank you, mother[bleep]." "Shit." "[cheers and applause]" " Yeah, that's how it is in Trump's America," " Shut up, [bleep]." "Now, you got the dirt to talk about me, you look like the third [bleep] on the evolutionary chart." "Now." " Uh, Yamaneika's ca" " No, mother[bleep], it's my turn God damn it." " Is it?" " This is the last joke, please." " I'm pretty sure it wasn't." " Okay." "Kurt likes to brag that he's in an open relationship, and by that, he means all the cases against him haven't been closed yet." " Well-- [alarms blaring, car honking] [bell dinging]" " Y'all--[yelling]" " No, no, no, no, no." "That's it." " Why are you all cheering?" "It was my turn." " This chicken is good as shit." " All right." " Yeah, thank you, babe." "I'll put some in my bra." " Judges." " Wow." " What do we think of this battle?" " Wow." "[cheers and applause]" " That's right." " Oh, my God." "Man, you know what?" " That's good chicken." " Hold on a minute." "Y'all need" " She's right." " Whoa, y'all--whoa whoa, whoa." "Yamie has changed ever since she at that gum from the Wonka factory." " Boo, [bleep]." " All right, well." " Oh, shit." "I will say-- I will say this." "That is some good-ass chicken." "You're right about that." "That's some hot-ass chicken." "Jeff, what did you think about this battle between white Precious and Precious?" " All right, I just want to say that that was the best battle of the night." "[cheers and applause]" " That's right." " Wow." " You know, Kurt and I are really good friends, so this was great for us." " That's right." " I did see you guys talking and you were even rubbing Kurt's shoulders backstage before the show." " Well, her healing touch resurrected a mouse on the green mile." "[laughter]" " There's something beautiful about this battle." "There's so much love in between all this venom." "I really, really enjoyed watching this battle." "Who wants to weigh in first?" " I'm gonna weigh in since there's a lot of weight on stage." "I felt like it was a fun battle." "It was--you know," "I was up here laughing my ass off." "I was really enjoying myself." " Good job." " And I was actually-- I was surprisingly shocked that, uh, Kurt, you was funny as a mother[bleep], man." " Oh, thank you." "Thank you, Mr. Snoop." " Snoop Dogg, that's my name." "But on the real, though, I thought" "I thought you was good, Kurt." "I thought you seized the moment." "I thought you took advantage of the moment and you did your thing." " Thank you." " That's one for Kurt." " First, I just want to say I think The Wave should change your name to The Tsunami 'cause every time--'cause every time you guys pop up, it's a [bleep] tragedy." "[laughter] all:" "Whoa!" " Exactly." "Exactly." " That's what I thought, bro." " Secondly--secondly, I agree with Jeff." "I agree, battle of the night." "I'm gonna make a ruling right now." "Kurt, you're a [bleep] beast." "When I saw the lineup for this whole roast battle," "I thought you were the one to beat." "And when I saw you going up against him, Yamaneika," "I was like, "She better [bleep] be on top of her game and bring it and destroy to win."" "And you did." "You did." " Thank you, thank you." " And I'm not gonna lie." "I'm not gonna lie." "The thing that sealed the deal-- the thing that sealed the deal, picking the chicken up off the floor and eating it, that is some punk rock shit." "You win." "You win." " Thank you." " That was amazing." "Snoop, before I make this final call, do you have any advice for these two?" " Yes, um..." " What?" " My advice to you two would be continue to do what you do because you're good at what you do." " Thank you, Snoop, thank you." " Yeah." " The Doggfather right there." "That's that Doggfatherly advice." " Kurt Metzger, you have some of the best written material in comedy." "You're a [bleep] amazing writer and the fact that you would come and do this roast battle really means a lot." "You worked so hard on it." "Yamaneika, the open casket joke, the angry bird joke, this was the best battle I've ever seen you do, Yamaneika, so you got this." " Thank you." " Congratulations, Yamaneika." " Oh, my God." "Thank you." "[cheers and applause]" " Yo, everybody, make it loud for Santa Clause's sidechick, Yamaneika Saunders." " Yes, sir." " Battle!" "Battle!" "We had four incredible battles tonight." "And when we come back, we'll answer some big questions like who's tomorrow's celebrity judges?" "We'll find out what strain Snoop is smoking," ""Roast Battle," it's on." "[hip-hop music]" " What a night!" "Oh, my God, so much happened." "Joe Dosch knocked out Leah Kayajanian to move on to the next round." "And in an awesome battle, we saw a major upset." "Yamaneika Saunders beat Kurt Metzger, meaning they'll be joining Frank Castillo and Anna Valenzuela in the quarterfinals on Saturday night. and watch highlights and behind the scenes clips." "What a great night." "You guys have fun?" "all:" "Yeah." " Yeah, baby." " Jeff, let's get you and the judges' final thoughts." " Anthony, have a great tour. find out where Anthony's coming." "A whole new act." " Great act." "Yeah, thank you." " Snoop Dogg, what the [bleep]?" "Did you have a good time?" "It looks like it." " I had a good time." "I'm drunk as a mother[bleep]." "The comedians were funny." "The DJ was rocking." "The people was off the hook, and I will be back anytime y'all want me to come rock with y'all." " Yeah!" "[cheers and applause]" " Hey, tomorrow night the first round of the tournament continues." "We have eight new roasters, four new battles, and our guest judges are roast royalty Whitney Cummings... [cheers and applause]" "And Dr. Ken himself, Dr. Ken Jeong." "So stay home with us and watch people say things that you wish you could say to your family with your family." "We'll see you tomorrow night, same battle time, same battle channel." "Coach, take us out of here." "[hip-hop music]" "♪♪" " I [bleep] love you, man." "♪♪" " You're a super being and awesome." " I never thought--it was one of my hardest battle." " Yeah." " For real." " Oh, my God, take everybody down." "Take everybody down." " Thanks." " Did I want it bad?" "Yes." "Did I want it bad enough to eat chicken off the floor?" "No, I didn't." " [laughs]" "♪ audience: [chanting] Battle!"