"DJ: [Singing] Get up, get up, you sleepyheads." "Get up, get out of bed." "[Talking] Good morning Angel Beach. lt's April 12th." "This is Gene Morrison coming from WACN, Angel Beach... nestled by the shore in South Florida." "It's a bright, beautiful spring day..." "PEE WEE:" "Get it up." "DJ: ...and steady on the helm." "The stars are secure in the firmament... and the rent's paid for the month... so all's right with the world." "[Singing] So get up, get up, you sleepyheads." "Get up, get out of bed." "[Talking] Let's get out there and get America moving forward." "It's 64 degrees, expected to reach a high of 76." "No rain in sight." "Good news for the beach bunnies, but bad news for farm boys." "Now, to help you start the day... the singing rage, Miss Patti Page." "patti PAGE: [Singing] Tra la la..." "Tweedle dee dee dee... lt gives me a thrill..." "[Knock on door]" "MOTHER:" "Edward." "You'll be late for school." "Edward!" "Up!" "Right now!" "I got things to do, you hear?" "Hit the floor right now!" "[Alarm clock buzzes]" "[Turns alarm off]" "Edward Morris!" "PEE WEE:" "Aah!" "Ooh." "You be at the breakfast table in five minutes... or you don't play ball this week." "[Pee Wee groans]" "MOTHER:" "What's wrong?" "PEE WEE:" "Nothing. I pulled a little muscle in my groin." "MOTHER:" "Be careful." "Your father wants you to drop him off at work." "Car won't start." "And pick up those clothes at the tailor's." "PEE WEE:" "Ahh!" "Instant eunuch." "Shit!" "Ohh, it is." "It's getting shorter!" "Shit!" "billy:" "Did you get the colored guy?" "TOMMY:" "Does a fat dog fart?" "billy:" "What's he look like?" "TOMMY:" "Like an African Zulu man!" "Six-foot-four, two huge gold teeth." "billy:" "Great!" "billy:" "Where'd you find him?" "TOMMY:" "Works for my old man's construction company." "Doesn't know what I'm talking about... but he's willing, and he'll do it for $10." "billy: 10 bucks." "Not bad." "TOMMY:" "The broad's all set?" "billy:" "No problem there." "She's" "billy:" "Jarvis, you stupid redneck!" "You better duck, you suckers, when Jarvis is at the wheel!" "mickey:" "Billy boy, y'all get the nigger?" "billy:" "Come on, you mean the colored guy, the negro." "TOMMY:" "Poor white trash." "mickey:" "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on." "TOMMY: "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on"?" "That's colorful redneck humor." "mickey:" "Right." "Kiss my rebel ass!" "TOMMY:" "That's another one." "billy:" "We should write these down." "mickey:" "lmmigrants." "Go back to Oklahoma and Michigan... and kiss ass with all the negroes you want." "This is Dixie, baby, where we do things right." "TOMMY:" "Why don't you have four first names... like most hillbillies?" "Like Billy Joe Jim Bob or Flora Mae Sally Sue?" "mickey:" "I had a cousin named Billy Joe Jim Bob... and he was killed in the war, so watch what you're saying." "TOMMY:" "I didn't know, Mickey." "I'm sorry." "mickey:" "Anyway, did you get the negro?" "TOMMY:" "We got one." "billy:" "Guy's 6'4", has gold teeth." "He's the meanest-looking mother you ever saw." "mickey:" "They'll croak when this guy jumps out!" "WENDY:" "Hey, Tommy!" "Wait a minute." "Did you get it?" "TOMMY:" "I found a place with one. I'll go tomorrow." "WENDY:" "Don't let me down." "I'm gonna get that creep." "mickey:" "Who's she gonna get?" "TOMMY:" "Pee Wee." "Didn't you hear about the other night?" "mickey:" "No." "You didn't?" "No." "TOMMY:" "We figured we gotta get Pee Wee laid... so I fix him up with Wendy." "mickey:" "Pee Wee and Wendy?" "I thought she had better taste." "billy:" "All he had to do was knock it off." "They're making out." "You know Wendy." "She reaches down, unzips his fly... and she grabs his cock." "And guess what." "mickey:" "What?" "billy:" "Bastard already had a rubber on." "mickey:" "Oh, bullshit!" "billy:" "I swear." "Wendy told me." "Why would she lie?" "He wore a rubber to his date." "TOMMY:" "She got so pissed off, she wouldn't let him touch her." "mindy:" "Hi." "My name is Mindy." "Can I ask you something?" "MEAT:" "Yeah." "Why do they call you "Meat"?" "MEAT:" "Uh, I don't know." "Wendy Williams told me I should ask you." "She did, huh?" "Uh-huh." "mindy:" "Why do they call you "Meat"?" "'Cause you're so big?" "MEAT:" "Uh, yeah, sorta." "mindy:" "Not sorta." "Why?" "MEAT:" "You really want to know?" "mindy:" "Yes!" "MEAT:" "OK." "Come on. I'll show you." "BOY:" "Meat, wait." "She's a only freshman." "MEAT:" "But after this, she'll be an instant senior." "BOY:" "Listen, if you get suspended again... you'll never get that scholarship to Princeton." "Think about that." "MEAT:" "I'm sorry, babe." "Can't do it." "He won't tell me." "Ah, shoot." "PEE WEE:" "Wait up!" "mickey:" "Speaking of horny mothers, it's Ready Eddie!" "PEE WEE:" "Be serious." "I'm going tonight, right?" "TOMMY:" "I don't know." "Even nymphomaniacs have standards." "mickey:" "She lives with a big black stud." "If he catches you, he'll cut your pecker off." "billy:" "He's bringing a pair of tweezers." "PEE WEE:" "She likes to screw, right?" "TOMMY:" "She loves it." "Especially young guys." "The more the merrier." "PEE WEE:" "What's she look like?" "is she good looking?" "billy:" "She's not bad." "She's got a great body, moves like an eel." "PEE WEE:" "That's the way I like 'em, Tommy!" "mickey:" "You like 'em as long as they're not dead." "PEE WEE:" "As long as they're not too cold." "Wait!" "Come here!" "Let's not invite too many guys." "That way we can get her twice." "mickey:" "Midget's not invited, and he's making the guest list." "PEE WEE:" "You bastards, I'm going tonight!" "You're not cutting me out of any free nookie!" "billy:" "All right!" "You're going." "TOMMY:" "Shut up." "Jeez." "PEE WEE:" "I'm going. 8:00, right?" "TOMMY:" "Right." "mickey, TOMMY:" "Wear your rubber!" "That lying bitch." "tim:" "Wait. I forgot which one is" "BOY:" "This is the raw egg." "tim:" "This is the hard-boiled one?" "PEE WEE:" "Getting some action tonight, huh?" "What are you talking about?" "l'm going tonight." "Going where?" "They said I can go." "tim:" "I guess she can use you for a recess period." "PEE WEE:" "What are doing with eggs?" "tim:" "What eggs?" "PEE WEE:" "Those eggs!" "tim:" "Oh, these eggs." "They're for you." "PEE WEE:" "For me?" "tim:" "We thought you might like to wear one." "PEE WEE:" "Timmy!" "Funny." "You gotta let me do it to somebody." "tim:" "I don't think there's anybody left." "PEE WEE:" "There's gotta be somebody!" "billy:" "I think we've done about everybody." "PEE WEE:" "Let me do Meat." "You gotta let me." "Come on, Timmy." "tim:" "OK." "tim:" "Now, listen, the one on the left is raw." "That's the one you drop." "The one in your right is hard-boiled." "That's the one you hit him with." "PEE WEE:" "Left hand, raw." "Right hand, smacko!" "tim:" "Get him, Tiger." "PEE WEE:" "Hi, Meat." "MEAT:" "Hi." "What's going on?" "PEE WEE:" "Oh, nothing." "Oh, yeah." "MEAT:" "Watch it, man!" "What are you, a psycho?" "What's with the eggs?" "What eggs?" "Those eggs." "PEE WEE:" "These eggs?" "MEAT:" "Watch my lips." "Those eggs." "PEE WEE:" "These eggs?" "MEAT:" "is there an echo here?" "PEE WEE:" "They're for you." "MEAT:" "What am I gonna do with them?" "PEE WEE:" "We thought you'd like to wear one." "MEAT:" "Morris, you're dead." "PEE WEE:" "I know." "tim:" "Watch it, it's Kong!" "TOMMY:" "Good morning, Miss Balbricker." "My, you look nice this morning." "Are you losing weight?" "BALBRlCKER:" "Hup!" "mickey:" "Hot damn!" "Like to live dangerously, Turner?" "tim:" "She wants a piece of your ass!" "PEE WEE:" "Miss Walker!" "brian:" "Nice pass." "tim:" "Too bad, Jew boy." "TOMMY:" "What's your problem?" "ROY:" "Would I like to get next to that." "FRED:" "Ah, yes." "Lassie." "Lassie?" "Patience, my boy." "Why do you call her Lassie?" "Why do you think?" "l don't know." "Are you kidding?" "You call her a dog?" "Fred, that's angel food cake." "You touch her... the food and drug administration gets you for fucking food." "What can I tell you?" "You can tell me why they call her Lassie." "Get her in the equipment room." "You'll find out." "What are you talking about?" "FRED:" "But beware of King Kong." "Wait a minute." "Come here, Fred." "PEE WEE:" "Hi, Miss Walker." "WALKER:" "Hi, Pee Wee." "Tommy, Miss Walker's hot." "She just said "Hi" to you." "But did you see the way she said "Hi" to me?" "Right, Pee Wee." "TOMMY:" "Boy, Miss Balbricker... you put a lot of weight behind that one." "Coach, would you kindly... keep your balls off my tumbling mat?" "Beg your pardon?" "The basketballs." "Would you kindly keep them in your court?" "I have little enough room for my girls as it is." "I'll take care of that." "Thank you." "PEE WEE:" "Girls' tumbling team just went in." "mickey:" "Those broads never shower." "PEE WEE:" "You ought like that, Mickey." "mickey:" "What about the majorettes?" "PEE WEE:" "They're still out there." "billy:" "Keep looking." "PEE WEE:" "Billy, Jenny went in." "billy:" "You're not allowed... to think about her with her clothes off." "You aren't even allowed... to look at her with her clothes on!" "Little dip." "Hey, Tim, I think maybe we oughta invite Brian tonight." "tim:" "Why do we gotta invite a Jew?" "All we need now is a communist and a spic... and we'd have the whole thing." "billy:" "You're really the tolerant type." "I notice you still include yourself." "tim:" "Broads are broads." "I just don't see why we gotta invite a kite." "billy:" "Brian's a good guy." "He's only been here a couple months." "Why don't you give him a chance?" "tim:" "He's a jerk, and a Jew jerk at that." "billy:" "All right!" "We won't ask him." "You're a case, Cavanaugh." "PEE WEE:" "They just went in!" "Miss Walker's with them !" "billy:" "I gotta put my shoes on." "PEE WEE:" "Come on!" "We'll miss them !" "billy:" "You wouldn't know what to do with Miss Walker... even if she told you!" "I'm coming!" "Billy!" "Billy!" "billy:" "Let's go." "Come on." "PEE WEE:" "Damn it!" "We missed them !" "mickey:" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Kong." "PEE WEE:" "Damn it!" "I told you we'd miss them !" "billy:" "Take it easy." "We'll get them next time." "PEE WEE:" "But Miss Walker, a real woman, and I missed her." "mickey:" "You're about to get laid by an exotic dancer soon." "That's a real woman." "PEE WEE:" "Yeah." "You're right." "I gotta go home and warm up." "mickey:" "Warm up?" "TOMMY:" "Slow down. lt's about a quarter mile on the left." "mickey:" "You sure they can find this place?" "TOMMY:" "They should both be there already." "I took Conklin myself." "billy:" "I drew Cherry a map." "Cherry Forever." "mickey: "Cherry Forever"?" "billy:" "That's her professional name." "Are you bullshitting me?" "That's her name." "mickey:" "Hot damn!" "Let's step on it!" "TOMMY:" "Shh!" "Brrrrroooo." "Hrrrr-hmmmmm !" "Hrrrr-hmmmmm !" "OK." "The coast is clear." "Let's go." "BOY: "The coast is clear." Do you believe this dialogue?" "mickey:" "OK, hold it!" "MEAT:" "What's going on?" "Where are they going?" "PEE WEE:" "They're first." "But I'm sloppy second." "MEAT:" "Your ass!" "I'm second!" "PEE WEE:" "Oh, come on, Meat!" "If you go first, she'll be so reamed out... nobody else will touch the sides." "mickey:" "Shut up!" "[Arguing]" "TOMMY:" "Jeez!" "Cherry's ready." "TOMMY:" "Everybody get their clothes off." "MEAT:" "Hey, wait." "tim:" "What's this bullshit?" "billy:" "She's gonna make sure everybody's clean--V.D." "STEVE:" "How can she tell?" "TOMMY:" "She's done this so many times... she's practically a doctor." "tim:" "Who's gonna inspect her?" "billy:" "You guys wanna get laid, or do you wanna have a debate?" "OK, I'm ready!" "Ooh, I'm gonna get laid!" "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." "mickey:" "Come on, boys." "Hey, no stripping, no dipping!" "Let's go!" "TOMMY:" "Up, you big huskies!" "mickey:" "Come on, man." "MEAT:" "Relax, will you?" "tim:" "Hey, wait a minute." "How come you guys ain't getting undressed?" "billy:" "We got inspected last week." "MEAT:" "Lucky you." "billy:" "OK, Cherry!" "mickey:" "Take them off." "Look sharp." "TOMMY:" "Gentlemen..." "Gentlemen!" "This is Miss Cherry Forever." "[Tarzan yell]" "TOMMY:" "Cherry, this is Steve." "CHERRY:" "Hi, Steve." "Cough." "TOMMY:" "And, Cherry, this is Pee Wee." "CHERRY:" "I'll say." "What do you use for a jockstrap, kid... a peanut shell and a rubber band?" "Gonna have to tie a board across his ass." "He's liable to fall in." "You bastard, Tommy." "Save your energy, needle dick." "You're gonna need it." "OK." "TOMMY:" "This is Tim." "CHERRY:" "Hi, Tim." "Howdy." "TOMMY:" "Uh, Cherry, meet Frank Bell." "CHERRY:" "Frankie..." "That's crooked, Frankie." "You been screwing around corners?" "TOMMY:" "This is the pride of Angel Beach..." "Anthony Tupperelo, affectionately known as "Meat."" "CHERRY:" "My God, the boy's deformed!" "CHERRY:" "Let's move it out." "Yo!" "TOMMY:" "You guys take a number and sit down." "billy:" "We'll just be a minute." "MEAT:" "Yeah, we know." "CHERRY:" "That boy really is deformed." "billy:" "I know." "TOMMY:" "This is my friend John Conklin." "billy:" "Hi, Conklin." "TOMMY:" "Cherry, sit down." "PEE WEE:" "She touched your nuts!" "STEVE:" "Her hands felt like butter, man!" "PEE WEE:" "This broad is hot." "PEE WEE:" "Hey, wait!" "I got sloppy seconds... you got ticklish thirds, you got filthy fourths... you got faulty fifths, you got slip and slide sixths... and you scrape her off the mattress!" "TOMMY:" "OK, Cherry, get it started." "PEE WEE:" "Timmy, that's disgusting!" "Would you stop that?" "tim:" "Hey, shh!" "CHERRY:" "Ooohhh!" "Ooohhh!" "Don't stop!" "Come on." "Keep pumping, baby!" "PEE WEE:" "We're gonna get laid!" "Oh, she's hot!" "CHERRY:" "Ooohhh!" "TOMMY:" "They're gonna shit." "billy:" "They're gonna shit." "TOMMY:" "They're gonna shit." "BOTH:" "They're gonna shit." "CHERRY:" "Psst." "Come on, Billy." "TOMMY:" "Go ahead." "Go on." "tim:" "What are you guys doing in there?" "Give it to her!" "CHERRY:" "Oh, Billy!" "Keep pumping!" "Yeah!" "Come on!" "Keep pumping, Billy." "CHERRY:" "Ooohhh!" "MEAT:" "Bingo!" "Tommy, come on, baby!" "Come on, Tommy!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "TOMMY:" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Oh, Billy!" "Oh, Billy!" "Oh, Tommy!" "Oh, shit." "CHERRY:" "Keep pumping." "Come on, boys!" "Come on." "Yeah!" "Oh!" "Oh, yeah!" "Oh, Billy, you're so good." "I can't stand it!" "Come on, baby!" "Oh!" "Ohh!" "Oohhh!" "Don't stop." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Ooohhh!" "Oh, man, this broad must be from Brooklyn." "CHERRY:" "Oh!" "Oohh!" "Come on!" "Don't stop!" "Ohh!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "TOMMY:" "Cherry, break it now." "Oooohhhh!" "[Glass shattering]" "CONKLlN:" "What's going on, you motherfuckers?" "!" "I'll kill you white boys!" "[Loud crashing]" "TOMMY:" "We didn't know she was your wife!" "Besides, it wasn't me!" "It was him !" "billy:" "We're just boys!" "We didn't know!" "CONKLlN:" "You're both dead men!" "What's this bullshit?" "CONKLlN:" "I'll kill you all, you white motherfuckers!" "TOMMY:" "Don't!" "Aahh!" "Aahh!" "[Loud crashing behind door]" "Aahh!" "Aahh!" "Oh, shit!" "CONKLlN:" "Aahh!" "Aahh!" "mickey:" "This way, Meat!" "Meat, this way!" "This way!" "Run!" "Run!" "PRANKSTERS:" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "tim:" "You sons of bitches!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "billy:" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Meat's still running." "Let's get him !" "Slow night." "Don't worry." "That will change soon enough." "What did I tell you?" "Can't wait to hear this story." "I think I know that kid." "TED:" "Pee Wee Morris." "The basketball player?" "A friend of Mickey's-- my brother." "Well, what should we do?" "Pull him over." "[Siren]" "TED:" "OK, pull over." "[Puts transmission in park]" "OK, let me see your driver's license." "BOY:" "How's it going, Timmy?" "[Wolf whistles]" "mickey:" "Ooohhh!" "Ooohhh!" "MEAT:" "I got something you can blow on." "Hey, Mick, it's your brother." "TED:" "I got something you guys lost in the everglades." "PEE WEE:" "You bastards!" "You left me out there!" "mickey:" "Hell, we thought you ran all the way home." "TED:" "If we hadn't seen him, he would've." "PEE WEE:" "Oh, funny." "A brother act." "Tommy, where are my clothes?" "TOMMY:" "They're in my car." "PEE WEE:" "Stop it, Meat!" "Come on, there's girls!" "TED:" "Cindy and I are bringing the kids over Sunday." "See you then." "mickey:" "All right." "TED:" "Get rid of the beer, Cavanaugh." "CAVANAUGH:" "I'm sorry about that, Officer Jarvis." "officer:" "See you later, boys." "CAVANAUGH:" "Tim, you get your ass over here!" "billy:" "Ginny, why don't you and the girls go inside?" "tim:" "Yes, sir?" "CAVANAUGH:" "I heard you run tail from some nigger tonight!" "No, we did" "What's that, boy?" "MEAT:" "Who is this guy?" "billy:" "Tim's old man." "TOMMY:" "He just got out of prison." "CAVANAUGH:" "You get your ass on home, boy!" "Now!" "billy:" "Should have left him there the last time." "MEAT:" "What was he in for?" "mickey:" "Manslaughter." "He killed a guy in a fight." "Tore his ear off." "TOMMY:" "Guess my old man isn't such a bad guy, after all." "billy:" "What are you looking so glum about, Pee Wee?" "PEE WEE:" "This is serious." "I gotta get laid." "I go more than a couple of weeks, I get jittery." "TOMMY:" "Then you're due for a nervous breakdown." "PEE WEE:" "Oh, funny, Tommy." "billy:" "I don't know what we can do." "If he strikes out with Wendy Williams... there's nothing left but ham hocks." "TOMMY:" "Pee Wee's tired of ham hocks." "MEAT:" "Maybe there's some horny midget somewhere... eating her heart out waiting for Pee Wee." "PEE WEE:" "Meat, I'm serious." "MEAT:" "Just trying to help." "mickey:" "What we need here is some professional help." "billy:" "What are you talking about?" "mickey:" "Porky's." "billy:" "Don't start that again." "You crazy?" "You'll get your throat slit." "mickey:" "All you gotta do is know how to operate." "TOMMY:" "Porky is a bad ass redneck." "mickey:" "You guys don't know how to talk redneck." "Porky is a businessman." "Listen, he just imported these Cuban broads." "They're fantastic." "TOMMY:" "How do you know?" "mickey:" "I got a source." "He's got this room upstairs called Porky's Pen." "You can party there with these Cuban dancers... as long as you show them you know what you're doing." "TOMMY:" "You sure?" "mickey:" "Does a bear shit in the woods?" "PEE WEE:" "Let's go now." "billy:" "We got a game tomorrow." "mickey:" "You need about 30 bucks apiece." "PEE WEE: 30 bucks?" "Yeah, but anything goes." "Friday after the game?" "billy:" "It's 70 miles out in the everglades!" "We got a game Saturday night." "mickey:" "What do you say, Turner?" "Meat?" "TOMMY:" "Well, you know my motto." ""Give me pussy or give me death."" "mickey:" "That's my boy." "PEE WEE:" "I never had any Cuban pussy." "TOMMY:" "Right, Pee Wee." "tim: "For the man who really measures up."" "mickey:" "What is that?" "TOMMY:" "Something for Pee Wee." "WENDY:" "Ohh!" "Where did you get it?" "TOMMY:" "This place in Miami." "mickey:" "You're kidding me." "billy:" "It's a 10-gallon condom." "mickey:" "It looks like King Kong's rubber." "TOMMY:" "It's for Pee Wee." "You like it?" "tim:" "Jesus, Turner." "WENDY:" "Hi, Pee Wee." "TOMMY:" "What'd you do now, Pee Wee?" "MEAT:" "This little jerk put Ben-Gay in my jock strap." "PEE WEE:" "You should have seen him-- hopping around like the Easter Bunny!" "MEAT:" "Who looks like the Easter Bunny now?" "WENDY:" "Hey, Pee Wee." "PEE WEE:" "What do you want?" "WENDY:" "I got something for you." "PEE WEE:" "For me?" "What is it?" "WENDY:" "Uh, it's kinda like a trophy." "PEE WEE:" "A trophy?" "What are you talking about?" "WENDY:" "A trophy for you, my little Pee Wee." "PEE WEE:" "All right, a trophy." "What for?" "WENDY:" "For being the biggest dickhead I ever went out with." "PEE WEE:" "Watch your jock, Tommy." "Watch your jock." "mickey:" "Get 'em, Pee Wee!" "TOMMY:" "Here you go, Meat." "Use that for a spare." "MEAT:" "Give me a break." "tim:" "Oh, Jesus." "TOMMY:" "Give it to me." "Wait a second." "WENDY:" "Pee Wee, you love it." "Wendy, I will get you." "WENDY:" "You had your chance." "WENDY:" "You know, Pee Wee, you never looked so good." "PEE WEE:" "Oh, nice face." "Get out of here." "girl:" "Oww!" "Oh, gross!" "mickey:" "Come on!" "Don't be shy!" "tim:" "Go for it!" "PEE WEE:" "Tommy!" "mickey:" "They love it!" "PEE WEE:" "Tommy!" "mickey:" "Tommy!" "TOMMY:" "Yeaa" "[Balloon squeals]" "tim:" "Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh." "mickey:" ""Your ass is mine," says Kong." "TOMMY:" "No shit, Sherlock." "tim:" "Turner, you're dead." "brian:" "Great defense, Miss Cavanaugh." "TOMMY:" "And you thought Jews were just smart." "GOODENOUGH:" "Turner, I want to talk to you." "Get in there, Young." "HONEYWELL:" "See you later." "ROY:" "Bye." "Oh, damn." "Ohh, God." "FRED:" "Well...any luck?" "ROY:" "We been out twice." "Zero, man." "Zilch." "That girl wants to be loved for her mind." "FRED:" "Awoooooo!" "ROY:" "You are driving me nuts with this howling thing." "What the hell's it mean?" "Come on, Fred." "Up there, Roy." "Just get her up there and all things shall be made clear." "You're pulling my chain." "The girl's a virgin." "Yeah, and the pope is Jewish." "So how do I get her up there?" "Put a rope around her neck?" "Put handcuffs on her?" "Guile, charm, persuasion..." "And if that doesn't work, just ask her." "Ask her." "billy:" "So what happened?" "Two day's suspension?" "TOMMY:" "Two games and 2,000 laps." "You're kidding?" "I'm gonna nail her fat ass." "MEAT:" "What the hell is this?" "mickey:" "Sheriff's office." "MEAT:" "Sheriff of Wallacetown?" "Where the hell's Wallacetown?" "mickey:" "You're looking at it." "It's Porky's storm troopers." "Porky Wallace, get it?" "MEAT:" "Get this." "mickey:" "Come on, man." "Let's go!" "Thank you, sir." "[Meat yells like Tarzan]" "[Boys join in yelling]" "PEE WEE:" "Look at this." "MEAT:" "The pigmobile." "PEE WEE:" "It's got pink interior." "mickey:" "All right, studs." "Everyone got their l.D.?" "MEAT:" "Yeah, right here." "mickey:" "Whip 'em out." "tim:" "Look at this one." "PEE WEE:" "I left my l.D. at home." "tim:" "Wherever we go, you always fuck up!" "TOMMY:" "They'll take your word for it." "MEAT:" "Just stand up straight." "tim:" "We shouldn't have brought him along." "PEE WEE:" "I didn't do it on purpose!" "tim:" "Well, fuck you!" "mickey:" "Will y'all knock it off?" "!" "Meat, give Pee Wee your l.D." "MEAT:" "But it's got my picture on it." "TOMMY:" "That's all right." "You guys could be twins." "Got any other cards?" "mickey:" "Use this one." "MEAT:" "That's my bible school card." "mickey:" "Who'd believe a bible school guy would lie?" "Just act cool, OK?" "PEE WEE:" "Yeah, sure." "mickey:" "Act like you come here all the time... but don't overdo it." "PEE WEE:" "I won't." "[Men howling and whistling]" "[Country music playing]" "[Singing] The mule train..." "MAN:" "Yeah, OK." "PEE WEE:" "It's been years since I've been to the old joint." "MAN:" "Yeah." "Sure." "A regular." "Stop talking and start drinking." "PEE WEE:" "Hey, how's Porky?" "Haven't seen old Porky in" "PEE WEE:" "Holy shit." "A pussy stampede." "mickey:" "Let's go get 'em." "BARTENDER:" "You want a beer?" "mickey:" "Yeah, a beer would be good." "[Singing] Heartthrob..." "Bom bo-bom bom bom..." "Heartthrob..." "Bom bo-bom bom bom..." "Heartthrob..." "BARTENDER:" "That's a buck." "TOMMY:" "I'll take care of this." "BARTENDER:" "A buck apiece." "mickey:" "Ahem." "DANCER:" "Wanna take a peek?" "PEE WEE:" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "DANCER:" "Two." "PEE WEE:" "Yeah, let's see 'em both." "[Snickers]" "MEAT:" "She means it'll cost you two bucks to see 'em, stupid." "PEE WEE:" "No shit. I knew that." "I'm just having fun with the broad." "Whoa!" "This broad's hot!" "She's really hot!" "[Singing] She took the seat beside me... and we rode to paradise..." "Heartthrob..." "Bom bo-bom bom bom..." "MAN:" "Ha ha ha ha!" "Gobble gobble gobble!" "[Shouting]" "BOYS:" "Hey, Pee Wee!" "Get him !" "PEE WEE:" "Aah!" "mickey:" "Give it to 'em, Pee Wee!" "mickey:" "Way to go, Tiger!" "MEAT:" "You sure took care of those guys, Pee Wee." "tim:" "What the hell was that?" "MEAT:" "That guy tried to muff dive that stripper." "PEE WEE:" "He stuck his nose right in it!" "Oh ho, Mickey!" "MEAT:" "Nyah, nyah, nyah!" "mickey:" "It's your night, tiger." "Pick the one you want." "mickey:" "I'll take care of it." "Barkeep, I'd like to talk to Porky." "BARKEEP:" "Porky's busy." "Ain't too busy for what I want to talk about." "I want to pay for some pussy." "Pay me." "I wanna talk to Porky." "OK, if that's what you want." "[Chuckling]" "You just gotta show him who's boss, right?" "Now-- ln a minute, darlin'." "Sit here and do nothing." "Don't buy any drinks." "They want you buying these broads overpriced drinks." "PEE WEE:" "No kidding." "Hey, Mickey." "Porky." "PORKY:" "Who's asking to see me?" "mickey:" "Ahem." "Mr. Porky, I am." "PORKY:" "What do you want?" "mickey:" "My friends and I here would like to party... with five of your girls upstairs in Porky's Pen." "PORKY:" "You want five of my piglets?" "mickey:" "Yes, sir." "For how long?" "An hour." "What you got to spend, bottle caps?" "Hundred bucks." "One hundred dollars for five ladies, huh?" "Go home, snot nose." "Hey, Porky, wait a minute!" "Mr. Porky." "How many girls can we have for 100 bucks?" "PORKY:" "There's five of you, right?" "That's a lot of horny dicks." "I'll give you two girls for an hour... or three girls for 1/2 hour." "That's all?" "Nobody's forcing you." "PORKY:" "It's a long ride back home... and it's even longer with a hard-on." "mickey:" "OK, we'll take three for 30 minutes." "PORKY:" "Pick out what you want." "mickey:" "Her... her, and--Oh, and her." "PORKY:" "Hey, that's cash in advance." "tim:" "Uh-uh. I don't know, Mick." "PORKY:" "That's the only way I do business." "mickey:" "OK, no problem." "I've got it here." "Here's 20, 40, 50" "PORKY:" "Not me." "Pay the bartender, you ridiculous dude." "And if any of you mistreats my girls... I'll personally kick your candied asses... back to Angel Beach." "You hear me?" "BOYS:" "Yes, sir." "See that doorway over there?" "Step through there and wait." "It's gonna to be dark." "I don't want you to be surprised." "mickey:" "Wait a minute." "What's all this bullshit?" "PORKY:" "This bullshit is you're a pack of underaged kids... and I don't want my liquor license revoked!" "The sheriff out here happens to be a bad-ass mother." "I don't want nobody to see you with my girls." "That's the back way to the pen." "Go through the door and wait for a knock." "mickey:" "That door there?" "PORKY:" "That door!" "Wait for a knock, step through, and you're in." "And the girls will be waiting for you." "You like that, kid?" "PEE WEE:" "Yeah." "PORKY:" "Gonna give you a night to remember!" "You little piece of shit." "PEE WEE:" "See those broads?" "These broads are really hot!" "MEAT:" "They're paid to be hot, Casanova." "tim:" "I don't like this one bit." "I think we're being had." "mickey:" "No sweat, Tim." "It's under control." "PEE WEE:" "I smell pussy behind that door." "TOMMY:" "I can't feel any door." "tim:" "See, I knew it." "PORKY:" "Are you ready, boys?" "BOYS:" "We're ready!" "Ready, Porky!" "Are you sure you're ready?" "BOYS:" "Yeah!" "Come on, let's go!" "OK, here comes your night to remember!" "BOYS:" "God damn it!" "PEE WEE:" "I'm drowning!" "I'm drowning!" "TOMMY:" "It's only two feet deep." "MEAT:" "Everything's under control, huh?" "PEE WEE:" "You promised to get me laid." "TOMMY:" "You're a horseshit procurer." "MEAT:" "He took us for 20 bucks a piece." "mickey:" "I'll take care of this!" "PORKY:" "Set them up, bartenders!" "Whatever they want!" "Shut the fuck up!" "mickey:" "I wanna see Porky, and I wanna see him now!" "Get that piece of pig shit out here!" "How was the pussy, boys?" "[Laughter] I want a piece of your fat ass!" "PORKY:" "Sure you do." "Let's step outside." "Fine with me, fat man!" "MEAT:" "Hey, Mick, come on." "PORKY:" "Get out of my place, you punks!" "TOMMY:" "Mickey, I don't mind telling you this is stupid." "PORKY:" "Get out of here!" "mickey:" "Let me at him !" "PEE WEE:" "Whoa!" "Shit!" "PORKY:" "Go on back to your own damn town!" "[Siren]" "mickey:" "God damn it!" "Damn!" "Shit!" "sheriff WALLACE:" "Hold it!" "You better fucking freeze, buster!" "What's going on here, Pork?" "PORKY:" "I was givin' the old place an enema... and this pile of shit floated to the surface." "PEE WEE:" "Hey." "Shut up, boy." "Just shut up." "Looks like to me we've got five Angel Beach assholes here." "Yes, sir." "Five walking, talking rectums." "Where's your car, boy?" "mickey:" "Right there." "sheriff WALLACE:" "You from Seward County?" "mickey:" "Yeah." "sheriff WALLACE:" "I don't know much about Seward laws... but we got laws here about driving with busted headlights." "mickey:" "I don't have a busted headlight." "sheriff WALLACE:" "Don't have a busted headlight?" "mickey:" "Shit!" "sheriff WALLACE:" "That's a $35 fine or a night in jail!" "TOMMY:" "Shit. I got 15 bucks." "PEE WEE:" "I got five." "sheriff WALLACE:" "You got five, you got 15, huh?" "l got 12." "Think I got three." "PORKY:" "Watch this." "mickey:" "God damn it!" "sheriff WALLACE:" "You got a busted taillight, too." "That's 20 more dollars." "Are you covered?" "mickey:" "I got 10." "sheriff WALLACE:" "Give it to me." "Give me all you've got." "I guess I can show leniency for first offenders." "What do you say, Pork?" "Should I give these nice lads a break?" "PORKY:" "Oh, they seem like a nice bunch... of clean-cut Angel Beach pussies." "A little smelly." "Yeah, give 'em a break." "You heard the man." "You get your candy asses back over to Seward County... and you keep them there." "This here's a man's county." "Go on, get the fuck out." "Go on." "Go on!" "Go on." "Here we go!" "SECOND officer:" "Move it!" "sheriff WALLACE:" "Going home now." "PORKY:" "I don't think they'll be coming back." "Let's go back inside and get some beer." "billy:" "Worst thing is you guys are out 100 bucks." "TOMMY:" "This kind of thing you write off." "Again?" "PEE WEE:" "I got it last time." "TOMMY:" "Great." "TOMMY:" "Mick, I'm telling you." "They're bad mothers." "mickey:" "I'm going back to get that pig." "MEAT:" "Yeah, right, Mick." "mickey:" "Yeah, Meat!" "billy:" "Mickey, are you crazy?" "billy:" "What, you a big man?" "mickey:" "That son of a bitch!" "TOMMY:" "Hey, we came, we lost." "MEAT:" "What are you, a tough guy or something?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "TED:" "Hi, boys." "TED:" "You don't look too terrific tonight." "mickey:" "I'm OK." "TED:" "I understand you tried to butt heads with Porky." "mickey:" "I'd have whipped him if it weren't for that sheriff!" "MEAT:" "That scumbag sheriff sided with Porky." "TED:" "That scumbag sheriff is Porky's brother." "mickey:" "What?" "Shit!" "TED:" "Where were you headed?" "mickey:" "Back to Porky's." "TED:" "When he kicks your ass again... then what are you gonna do?" "mickey:" "Go back." "Just keep going back." "TED:" "This guy's dangerous." "He's playing around with you now... but he'll get tired of you, then he'll hurt you bad." "Am I gonna have to take you home myself?" "mickey:" "All right. I'm going home." "Good night." "TED:" "Redneck." "TOMMY:" "Do you think he's really going back?" "TED:" "Runs in the family, I'm afraid." "tim:" "What's up?" "PEE WEE:" "He wanted to go after Porky." "TED:" "Just hope he lives to outgrow it." "BALBRlCKER:" "The girls are waiting, Miss Honeywell." "FRED:" "How's Lassie?" "ROY:" "Lassie's fine." "She's still a virgin, but she's fine." "You, on the other hand, are gonna be dead... if you don't tell me why they call her Lassie." "[Whistle blows]" "GOODENOUGH:" "Cavanaugh, when you gonna learn, son?" "All right, give me number six!" "[Whistle blows]" "[Whistle blows]" "Cavanaugh, get off the floor." "tim:" "It was an accident, Coach." "GOODENOUGH:" "Bullshit." "That was no accident." "Get off the floor now." "You're suspended indefinitely." "Nobody who plays like that plays for me." "Move!" "You all right, son?" "brian:" "Yeah." "tim:" "Anybody wanna fly a kite tonight?" "I think it's great weather for flying kites!" "I wonder if there are any kites around here we can fly?" "brian:" "Hey, listen, Cavanaugh." "It's not kites." "It's kike." "K-i-k-e." "Kike." "You're too stupid to be a good bigot." "tim:" "Behind the gym, Jew boy!" "As soon as the coaches are gone, Jew boy!" "brian:" "Suit yourself." "PEE WEE:" "Asshole." "TOMMY:" "This guy's a ringer." "billy:" "Yeah." "Get him, Tim !" "Come on, Timmy!" "TOMMY:" "Nice move, Tim." "Get him, Tim !" "PEE WEE:" "Get him, Timmy!" "PEE WEE:" "Ow." "Jeez." "ROY:" "All right, Tim, that's enough!" "Knock it off!" "tim:" "All right!" "ROY:" "It's over!" "tim:" "Let me go!" "ROY:" "All right, shake hands." "ROY:" "Go on." "billy:" "How did you learn to fight like that?" "brian:" "When you're Jewish... you either learn to fight, or you take a lot of shit." "I don't like to take shit... so I studied boxing and jujitsu." "TOMMY:" "That Japanese stuff, right?" "billy:" "How often have you used it?" "brian:" "This was the first time." "TOMMY:" "Were you sure you'd remember how?" "brian:" "Well, I was hoping." "billy:" "Look, Brian, Tim's our buddy... but you got to understand he's got problems." "brian:" "Yeah, I noticed." "billy:" "It's easy for him to take it out on you... 'cause he thinks you're putting him down." "He's not a bad guy." "brian:" "He's a prick." "TOMMY:" "You're right." "He's a prick." "billy:" "He's a smuck." "What?" "A smuck." "billy:" "That's Jewish for prick, right?" "brian:" "Yeah, sort of." "TOMMY:" "Yeah, well, anyway, even though he's a schmuck... and we don't like everything he does... but he's still our buddy, you know?" "billy:" "Yeah." "brian:" "I understand." "Well, listen, I got to go." "See you guys later." "billy:" "Take it easy, Brian." "TOMMY:" "So long, Brian." "PEE WEE:" "I'm gonna get her." "This is great." "It's great, Meat. lt's great!" "I know I got her." "[Telephone rings]" "waitress:" "Wendy, would you get that for me?" "WENDY:" "You got it." "[Ring]" "[Ring]" "Deadbeats." "PEE WEE:" "Uh, hello." "Hi." "I'm looking for a friend of mine." "He's supposed to be there--Shh!" "What's his name?" "His name's Michael Hunt." "Uh, Mike." "Yes, Mike." "Mike Hunt?" "OK, just hang on a minute." "is Mike Hunt here?" "WENDY:" "is Mike Hunt here?" "MEAT:" "Shit. I don't know who thought of this." "Has anybody seen Mike Hunt?" "MEAT:" "Practically everybody in town from what I hear!" "Hey, Frank!" "Ask all the car hops if Mike Hunt's outside!" "P.A.:" "Telephone call for Mike Hunt." "PEE WEE:" "I got her!" "I got her!" "P.A.:" "is Mike Hunt in the parking lot?" "is Mike Hunt in the parking lot?" "Do you know Mike..." "Ohhh, God!" "Ohh, Pee Wee!" "PEE WEE:" "I got her, Tommy." "WENDY:" "Pee Wee, I'm gonna get you." "You little prick." "And I mean that literally." "BOYS:" "Ooh!" "PEE WEE:" "It worked. it worked." "TOMMY:" "Way to go, kiddo!" "PEE WEE:" "Michael Hunt!" "brian:" "Billy, what's wrong with Meat?" "I thought he didn't drink." "billy:" "Well, he doesn't." "But he just found out today he got turned down by Princeton." "MEAT:" "Princeton sucks!" "It sucks!" "brian:" "I thought he had offers from 60 other colleges." "billy:" "He does, but he had his heart set on Princeton." "MEAT:" "This chili tastes like shit!" "MEAT:" "Ohhh." "billy:" "Oh, shit." "Pee Wee, get me some sugar from the end of the counter?" "officer:" "That boy been drinking?" "billy:" "No, sir, officer." "Our friend is a diabetic." "TOMMY:" "Thank you, Edward, for bringing the sugar." "How many cubes of sugar does your cousin require... when he's had too much insulin?" "Two...cubes of sugar... usually is enough to bring Anthony around." "billy:" "Oh, feel better now, huh?" "officer:" "Gee, uh... I've never seen anybody drown in chili before." "SECOND officer:" "Me, neither." "I wouldn't even know how to fill out the forms on that." "officer:" "Yeah, you're right." "It'd be a lot of hassle." "We better save him." "Yeah, I guess we'd better." "SECOND officer:" "You know, I'm not a doctor... but I could swear this youngster's inebriated." "BOYS:" "Oh, no." "No, sir." "officer:" "Well, if you guys say he's a diabetic, OK." "But if we find out he's drunk... we gonna book the lot of you as accessories." "He's smashed." "Bombed." "PEE WEE:" "Son of a bitch does it all the time!" "PEE WEE:" "Ahem !" "brian:" "Officer, excuse me... but I couldn't help but notice what's been happening." "officer:" "Who are you?" "brian:" "Just a bystander." "Brian Schwartz is my name." "Don't know if this is important... I overheard this poor fellow saying... that the reason he'd gotten drunk tonight... was that his girlfriend had just broken up with him." "Wouldn't you toss down a few... if the woman you loved turned her back on you?" "SECOND officer:" "If my wife left, I'd get drunk for joy." "officer:" "All right." "Get him out of here, and get him home...now." "brian:" "Thank you, officer." "billy:" "Will do." "Thank you." "TOMMY:" "You're one smooth mother, Schwartz." "brian:" "You do what you can." "[Tires squeal and car crashes]" "[Horn honks]" "WENDY:" "It's Mickey." "TOMMY:" "Porky's." "PEE WEE:" "Shit." "TOMMY:" "Here we go again." "[Revving engine]" "PEE WEE:" "Holy shit!" "Oh, shit." "billy:" "Did you whip him?" "mickey:" "Hell, yes!" "I used my face to break the son of a bitch's hand." "billy:" "Pee Wee, you better go call Ted." "mickey:" "I don't feel so good." "billy:" "I hate to do this... but we better get him to a hospital." "TOMMY:" "I'll get my car." "mickey:" "Hospital?" "TOMMY:" "Mickey, where you going?" "mickey:" "I'm going home, you son of a bitch." "Don't worry, ol' buddy." "I learned my lesson." "[Tires squeal]" "billy:" "We're gonna have to baby-sit with him." "TOMMY:" "That won't stop him." "PEE WEE:" "You see Timmy's face?" "TOMMY:" "Yeah, we saw it." "tim:" "Shorts, shirt..." "MEAT:" "You really worked him over, didn't you, Schwartz?" "brian:" "Hey, I didn't do that." "Hardly touched his face, just a few little jabs." "billy:" "No." "You didn't do it." "brian:" "What happened?" "TOMMY:" "His old man." "brian:" "His father?" "Why?" "billy: 'Cause he got into a fight with a Jew and lost." "MEAT:" "It's not your fault." "brian:" "Uh, Coach, can I talk to you about Cavanaugh?" "ROY:" "Oh, come on." "LYNN:" "You know I don't go all the way." "ROY:" "Who said anything about going all the way?" "We're just gonna go up and have a cup of coffee... in the equipment room." "LYNN:" "No!" "No, no, no, no." "ROY:" "I'll tell you a little secret." "LYNN:" "I already know that." "BALBRlCKER:" "Miss Honeywell, do you mind?" "LYNN:" "Do I mind what?" "BALBRlCKER:" "It's disgusting!" "The two of you... squirming about... like a pair of eels in heat!" "You're a disgrace." "LYNN:" "Yeah?" "It beats stomping and waddling around... like a frigid hippopotamus, Beulah." "BALBRlCKER:" "What did you call me?" "LYNN:" "Beulah." "Beulah Balbreaker." "BALBRlCKER:" "Who do you think you're talking to?" "!" "LYNN:" "Well, if I heard a hurdy-gurdy playing... I'd think I was talking to the fat lady in the circus!" "But I guess I'm talking to a ton of bad news... named Beulah!" "Beulah!" "Beulah!" "Look, ladies" "You butt out!" "BALBRlCKER:" "Moral turpitude!" "What?" "Moral turpitude!" "BALBRlCKER:" "Read your contract, Miss Honeywell." "I'll have you fired for moral turpitude!" "LYNN:" "You can take your moral turpitude... and you can stick it up the old gazoo, Beulah!" "ROY:" "Gee, Lynn, I don't know." "Moral turpitude." "LYNN:" "Oh, come on!" "FRED:" "All right, Brian." "ROY:" "Wh-wh-whoa!" "FRED:" "I'll talk to Coach Goodenough." "brian:" "I appreciate it." "FRED:" "But don't expect too much." "Come on." "We're late for practice." "LYNN:" "Oohhh..." "Oh, smell." "Oh, smell that air." "Mmmm !" "Oh, boy!" "Oh, boy!" "The boys' locker room always turned me on." "ROY:" "Really?" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Yeah!" "Yeeaaaahh!" "ROY:" "Oh!" "LYNN:" "I mean, it turns me on." "It always has." "I..." "I don't know why." "ROY:" "That's really interesting... but why don't you give me a hand here?" "LYNN:" "It always turned me on." "I really--l don't know why." "ROY:" "Who cares?" "LYNN:" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "ROY:" "Lynn, I gotta know... I don't know why." "Why do they..." "Why do they call you Lassie?" "LYNN:" "Oh!" "I..." "I..." "I... don't...don't... knoooooow-oooooo!" "GOODENOUGH:" "What in the world?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "ROY:" "Come on, Lynn!" "Time out!" "Time out!" "FRED:" "Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "LYNN:" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "ROY:" "Lynn!" "Lynn!" "LYNN:" "Oh!" "Mmph!" "Mmph!" "ROY:" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Ow!" "LYNN:" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "ROY:" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shh." "Shh..." "[Laughter]" "LYNN:" "Yes." "Yes." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes." "Yes." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes." "LYNN:" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "ROY:" "No." "No!" "FRED:" "Aw, God damn it!" "Ah ha ha ha ha!" "FRED:" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Ah ha ha ha ha!" "LYNN:" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "[Muffled squeals]" "FRED:" "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "BALBRlCKER:" "Now!" "FRED:" "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "Ooh!" "Ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Gas." "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "ROY:" "Sorry I'm late, but I had a case of the runs." "Boy, it hurt like hell." "You probably heard me all the way out here." "Must be catching." "How's that?" "COACH:" "I hope you haven't grown too attached... to Angel Beach, Coach Brackett." "All right, boys." "Fast-break drill." "This is the best one yet." "What now?" "All you need is a watermelon and two jelly doughnuts." "billy:" "Forget it." "TOMMY:" "I'm not taking a shower with him." "Religious fanatics." "billy:" "Hey, Mickey, how's it going?" "mickey:" "All right." "billy:" "We're about to go on a beaver shoot." "Want to come?" "mickey:" "Nah!" "I got some things to do." "TOMMY:" "You're not thinking of going back, are you?" "mickey:" "Hell, no!" "They got some bad asses out there." "MEAT:" "Not to worry, gentlemen." "Tupperelo's on the job." "If he goes out there again, I will work him over." "When I get through with him, he'll think Porky's his mama." "mickey:" "I'd have to be an idiot to mess with them." "PEE WEE:" "Hey, you guys!" "They're going in!" "Miss Walker's with them." "Come on!" "TOMMY:" "See you later, Mick." "Right." "TOMMY:" "Jesus Christ." "It's the mother lode." "I never seen so much wool." "You could knit a sweater." "This has gotta be the biggest beaver shoot... in the history of Florida." "Damn it." "What's wrong?" "It's Blubber McNeil." "I can't see a thing!" "Would you be quiet?" "They're startin' to leave." "Shit!" "TOMMY:" "Hey, beat it!" "Would you?" "PEE WEE:" "But I'm missing it, man!" "Would ya shut up and stay on your side?" "girls: [Singing] 1, 2, 3, 4..." "Up, down... 1, 2, 3, 4..." "Up, down... 1, 2, 3, 4..." "Up, down..." "God damn it!" "Will you move it, you lard ass?" "girl in CENTER:" "Sounds like a guy's voice." "girl ON LEFT:" "But where's it coming from?" "WENDY:" "is that Tommy Turner?" "girl:" "Yeah, who is it?" "Who's back there?" "girl in CENTER:" "Horny bastards!" "Get out of here!" "Uh, don't be alarmed, girls." "This is just your health department." "We're here to check out all unlicensed pussies." "Please step forward and spread your legs." "WENDY:" "Yeah?" "What are you checking for?" "Uh, originality, neatness, and hygiene." "WENDY:" "It's Tommy all right." "You better get yourselves out of there... otherwise, you're gonna to get in big trouble." "Hey, if Pee Wee's with you, you better cover his eyes." "He might get confused." "They're hot." "These broads are hot!" "They want us to look!" "They're hot, I'm tellin' ya!" "Hot!" "Well, they ain't leaving." "We'll find out." "TOMMY:" "What are they doing?" "Shit!" "One's coming for it!" "TOMMY:" "No shit?" "Shit!" "Bitch!" "Funny, huh?" "All right, I'll give you something to play with." "Tommy!" "What are you doing?" "[Screaming]" "Here, chickie, chickie!" "Here, chickie!" "Chickie, chickie!" "Here, chickie!" "Chickie!" "WENDY:" "Wait a minute." "I know that guy." "Uh-oh." "What's--what's going on?" "Tommy..." "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shh!" "billy:" "Hey, hold still, man." "She's coming for it." "TOMMY:" "Are you shittin' me?" "She's drooling." "[High-pitched voice] Hi!" "I'm Paulie the Penis... and I just loooove to have fun." "Ha ha ha!" "billy:" "Hold still, man." "She's coming for it." "Oh, boy." "She really wants it." "Here she comes." "BALBRlCKER:" "Ahhh..." "She's almost got it." "Ahhh..." "She's almost got it!" "billy:" "She's got it!" "TOMMY:" "Aaaaahhhh!" "Aah!" "Jesus Christ." "I got you now, Tommy Turner!" "And I'm taking you to the principal!" "billy:" "Hey, this broad is really hot!" "PEE WEE:" "Hang in there, buddy!" "Somebody get the principal." "Somebody get the principal!" "PEE WEE:" "You think this means..." "Tommy and Miss Balbricker are engaged?" "Shit!" "God... I know it's you... you little...filthy...pervert!" "Now...you" "Aah!" "You freak!" "You filthy little pervert." "I can hear you in there." "You dirty little pervert!" "BALBRlCKER:" "Now, Mr. Carter... I know this is completely unorthodox... but I think this is the only way... to find that boy." "Now, that penis had a mole on it." "I'd recognize that penis anywhere." "[Snickering] ln spite of the juvenile snickers of some... this is a serious matter." "That..." "That seducer... and despoiler must be stopped." "He's extremely dangerous." "And, Mr. Carter... I'm certain that everyone in this room... knows who that is." "He's a contemptible little pervert who's" "MR. CARTER:" "Miss Balbricker!" "BALBRlCKER:" "Well, I'm sorry, but I've got him now... and I'm not going to let him slip through my fingers again." "Now, all I'm asking is that you give me... five boys for a few minutes." "The coaches can be present." "Tommy Turner... and any four boys you see fit to choose." "And we..." "And we... can put a stop to this menace." "And it is a menace." "Well?" "What are you gonna do about it?" "MR. CARTER:" "Five young boys in the nude?" "A police lineup... so that you can identify... his tallywacker?" "Please, please." "Can we call it a tallywacker?" "Penis is so person--uh..." "Penis is so personal." "BALBRlCKER:" "We can put hoods over their heads..." "MR. CARTER:" "Hoods?" "BALBRlCKER:" "to avoid embarrassment." "Now, listen." "We have got to do it... as distasteful as it is." "I know it's him." "That... tallywacker... had a mole on it." "And that mole is the key to it!" "MR. CARTER:" "Miss Balbricker... do you realize the difficulty of your request?" "Now, I would be very happy... to apprehend the young man myself." "But can you imagine... what the board of education would say... if you were granted a lineup... in order to examine their private paaa--paa--paa-- their--uh...ahem." "their--the, uh, their-- hmmm--hmmm--hmmm-- their private parts... for an incriminating mole?" "BALBRlCKER:" "But Mr. Carter..." "ROY:" "Mr. Carter." "I think I have a way out of this." "We, uh, call the police... and we have them send over one of their sketch artists" "and Miss Balbricker can give a description." "We can put up wanted posters all over school." ""Have you seen this prick?"" ""Report immediately to Beulah Balbricker."" ""Do not attempt to apprehend this prick..." ""as it is armed and dangerous."" ""lt was last seen hanging out..." ""in the girls' locker room at Angel Beach high school."" "FRED:" "There you are." "Now let's do it." "tim:" "All right." "billy:" "Hey, Timmy, coach gonna let you play tonight?" "tim:" "Yeah, I've been re-instated." "TOMMY:" "That's great." "FRED:" "OK, guys, hit the floor!" "PEE WEE:" "Us little guys need our enforcer." "FRED:" "All right, Cavanaugh, get with it!" "RECORD PLAYER:" "Any time..." "You're feelin' lonely..." "Any time..." "You're feeling blue...." "Any time..." "You feel downhearted..." "WENDY:" "Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!" "billy:" "What's that, Wendy?" "WENDY:" "It's a shit detector." "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!" "billy:" "That is the oldest joke in the world." "TOMMY:" "I know." "I liked it." "Where's Mickey?" "billy:" "Meat's with him." "TOMMY:" "I don't think so." "[Whistles] Hey, Meat!" "Yo!" "Where's Mickey?" "MEAT:" "I don't know, man." "He gave me the slip." "TOMMY:" "Should we go after?" "billy:" "It's too late now." "TOMMY:" "OK." "CAVANAUGH:" "Come on, Jew boy!" "brian:" "Hey, watch it, buddy!" "CAVANAUGH: [Singing] Louie, Hymie, Abie, Sam." "We're the boys who eat no ham." "brian:" "Really get a kick out of this, don't you?" "Oh, you got a big Jew mouth, just like your big Jew nose." "You're a big man... when you're kicking the ass outta kids... with that sneaky Jap stuff, huh?" "Why don't you try some of that shit on me?" "Come on..." "Jew boy!" "tim:" "Dad, get out of here." "CAVANAUGH:" "What?" "tim:" "You heard what I said." "Well, who you talking to, boy?" "Trash, pure trash." "Now, son, that's no way to talk to your pa." "tim:" "I really wish you wouldn't have said that... 'cause you don't know how humiliating it is... to have anybody know you're my pa." "Let me go!" "You stay out of this!" "tim:" "Just make sure you're finished... 'cause this is the last time... you ever lay a hand on me again, you son of a bitch!" "MAN:" "All right!" "What's going on here?" "CAVANAUGH:" "Now, you got any more smart talk?" "TED:" "All right, Mr. Cavanaugh." "I think we can get you one to three for felonious assault." "Meanwhile, I'll be glad to finish this off the record." "tim:" "No!" "Just let him be." "I'm not afraid of him." "I'm not afraid of you!" "If you ever come near me again... I swear to God, I'll kill you." "Looks like I'm gonna make a man outta you yet, boy." "tim:" "A man?" "If being a man means being what you are... I'd rather be queer." "ROY:" "I'm having you put under a peace bond." "Come near this boy again, I'll have you arrested." "I'll see you again." "TED:" "I'll be lookin' forward to that, slime." "ROY:" "OK, it's over." "Let's get on back to the dance." "billy:" "You OK?" "tim:" "Yeah, I think I'll be all right." "You know you're welcome to stay with Tommy or I... as long as you like." "tim:" "All right." "Thanks." "billy:" "Why don't you..." "ROY:" "OK, girls, if you're gonna kiss each other... let's get it over with." "Otherwise, let's get on back to the dance, right?" "tim:" "Right." "PEE WEE:" "It's a good thing Ted stepped in... or I'd have torn that sucker a new one." "MEAT:" "I wonder if he realizes just how lucky he was?" "TOMMY:" "Now, wait a minute." "Just wait one minute." "Something's wrong here." "I know what it is." "If we could just..." "Yeah." "That satisfies my sense of proportion." "PEE WEE:" "Man is not known by inches alone." "MEAT:" "Yeah, I got something... to satisfy your sense of proportion." "l'm sure you do." "Yeah." "[Girls scream]" "billy:" "What the hell is this tonight--Looney Tunes?" "Aah!" "Aah!" "TOMMY:" "Oh, Mickey!" "mickey:" "You should see him." "I messed him up good." "I got the pig's tooth." "ROY:" "Come on." "Step aside!" "Look out." "[Mickey wheezing]" "ROY:" "I think he's got some broken ribs... maybe a collapsed lung." "Billy, get an ambulance." "No!" "Don't move him." "Don't move him." "Take off his sweater, put it behind his head." "Real slow." "[Siren]" "TED:" "I'll see you guys." "TOMMY:" "Hey, we're going, too." "TED:" "No, you're not." "It's bad enough I was going out of jurisdiction... without adding a charge... of contributing to the delinquency of a minor." "But" "No buts, Pee Wee!" "TED:" "I don't wanna see any of you guys get hurt." "brian:" "Nobody has to get hurt." "TED:" "What are you talking about?" "Nobody has to get hurt... and your career doesn't have to be in jeopardy." "TED:" "Well, I'm all for that." "What do you got in mind?" "brian:" "Look, it doesn't have to happen tonight, right?" "TED:" "No, it doesn't have to be done tonight." "brian:" "Good." "Look, let me talk to you alone for a second, OK?" "TED:" "OK." "ROY:" "Count me in." "TOMMY:" "You could get fired." "ROY:" "Are you kidding?" "I gotta be the worst coach that ever lived." "I'm long gone after this semester, anyway." "And don't call me coach anymore." "Call me Roy." "Only 23, for Christ sake." "TOMMY:" "You look much older." "ROY:" "Why don't you go and sit on a snake?" "You see that right there?" "Porky gave me that about 6 years ago." "I've always wanted a shot at that mother." "I'd like to feed him his nuts for lunch." "TED:" "OK." "Brian's got something." "We're gonna get together at his place 4:00 Sunday." "billy:" "What are we gonna do?" "TED:" "Just sit tight." "We're gonna give Porky a night to remember." "billy:" "Hey, Brian, where are you going?" "brian:" "Do some reconnaissance." "tim:" "Hey, Brian!" "Wait a minute." "Look, when we go to Porky's... do me a favor, OK?" "Don't tell him your name is Schwartz." "Those guys are prejudiced out there." "All right." "Um..." "What about Paddy Aloysius O'Brien?" "Nah, too Jewish." "Let's not take any chances." "All right." "What about Sean Mulcahy Reilly?" "PEE WEE:" "Wait a minute." "Go ahead." "[Country music playing]" "billy:" "OK." "We're just waiting for the guys under the bridge." "PEE WEE:" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "Oh, shit!" "MEAT:" "Shh!" "PEE WEE:" "Ow!" "What the-- Son of a bitch." "MEAT:" "Go on!" "Will you go?" "PEE WEE:" "Come on." "PEE WEE:" "Billy!" "Billy!" "Tommy!" "[Voices nearby]" "[Car doors open and shut]" "billy:" "OK. I gotta go relieve coach." "ROY:" "Everything go all right?" "billy:" "Like a precision drill team." "Thanks." "ROY:" "Well, good luck, kiddo." "I'll have everything ready." "billy:" "Get ready for Jarvis' revenge!" "MEAT:" "Hey, you know, man, this better work." "billy:" "Don't worry." "[Roy whistles]" "[Horn honks]" "brian:" "There it is." "Whoooahhh!" "billy:" "They're ready." "PEE WEE:" "What do we do now?" "billy:" "Wait." "brian:" "All we gotta do now is wait." "PEE WEE:" "Billy." "Billy!" "billy:" "Whoooooo!" "Whoooooo!" "tim:" "Billy loves those bird calls." "brian:" "Whoooahhh!" "Whoooahhh!" "billy:" "All right." "Now, listen, you guys." "If there's any sign of guns or anything... don't bother hooking' us up." "We're getting the hell out, OK?" "PEE WEE:" "Listen, Billy, be careful." "WOMAN:" "Never could get one to fit me, honey." "[Laughter]" "billy:" "Suey!" "Sue...su-su-suey!" "MAN:" "What the hell is that?" "billy:" "I want to see Porky." "MAN:" "Who wants to see Porky?" "billy:" "Tell him the boys from Angel Beach are here." "Tell him to bring the best he's got... and meet us in the parking lot...now." "[Laughter]" "MAN:" "Jesus Christ." "MAN ON right:" "Do you believe that?" "[High-pitched voice] Oh, Porky!" "The boys from Angel Beach are here." "billy:" "Remember, any sign of guns and we're gone." "PEE WEE:" "Yo, Billy." "PORKY:" "Where are these 5 little virgins... that think they've reached manhood?" "You want to tangle your ass with me?" "Come up here, you sawed-off punk!" "I'll educate you." "I'll wrap this right around your damn neck." "billy:" "Boy, Porky." "We're really scared." "I guess we better go now." "I hope shit floats." "PORKY:" "You'll float if I catch you around here again." "[Horn honks]" "[Horn honks]" "MEAT:" "Come on, Billy!" "PEE WEE:" "Look!" "sheriff WALLACE:" "All right!" "Grab everything that kills!" "MEAT:" "Gun it, Billy!" "PORKY:" "Get them !" "Get them !" "MEAT:" "Come on, Billy, gun it!" "Come on, Billy!" "PORKY:" "Get them, God damn it!" "MEAT:" "Come on!" "Porky!" "PORKY:" "I'm gonna kill them !" "I can't swim !" "Somebody help me!" "[Cheering and whistling]" "sheriff WALLACE:" "Don't you son of a bitches... know the difference between drive and reverse?" "officer:" "I did have it in drive, boss!" "sheriff WALLACE:" "Get me out of here." "It's gone." "Porky's is gone." "[Cheering and whistling]" "PORKY:" "You're dead, you sons of bitches!" "I'm gonna get you!" "I'm gonna kill you with my bare hands!" "Get that pigmobile up here!" "I'm coming after you!" "I'm gonna break your fucking necks myself!" "PORKY:" "Go!" "Turn around!" "PEE WEE:" "Shit!" "MEAT:" "Forget it!" "Leave it!" "Pee Wee, come on!" "PEE WEE:" "Go!" "sheriff WALLACE:" "Did you check that car out?" "officer:" "Ain't nothing wrong with this car, boss." "sheriff WALLACE:" "Come on, shit for brains!" ""Ain't nothing wrong with this car, boss!"" "BOYS:" "Come on!" "Let's go!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Whoo!" "Yeee-haw!" "PEE WEE:" "Come on, Billy!" "MEAT:" "Come on!" "Step on it!" "sheriff WALLACE:" "Pork!" "Pork!" "PORKY:" "Climb in!" "Let's go!" "PORKY:" "Where the hell were you when I needed you?" "You see what those kids did to my club?" "Hit that pig whistle." "CAR:" "Oinnnnnnk!" "MEAT:" "Yeee-haw!" "Come on, Billy!" "CAR:" "Oinnnnnnk!" "Oinnnnnnk!" "TOMMY:" "Come on, Billy, they're gaining on us." "MEAT:" "Whoo!" "All right!" "All right!" "CAR:" "Oinnnnnnk!" "MEAT:" "All right!" "Come on!" "PORKY:" "There's the county line, God damn it!" "Step on it!" "billy:" "We're gonna make it." "[Marching band playing]" "MEAT:" "Come on!" "PORKY:" "I want those little mothers arrested... and I mean, like, right now." "They just destroyed my nightclub." "TED:" "How did they do that, sir?" "PORKY:" "They've been coming in there the past few weeks." "TED:" "Which one's been comin' in?" "PORKY:" "This one and that little bastard back there." "TED:" "You mean this 16-year-old and 17-year-old... were in your establishment?" "sheriff WALLACE:" "They've been comin' in before... especially that little son of a bitch" "PORKY:" "We may have made a mistake." "These obviously aren't the youngsters." "sheriff WALLACE:" "What are you talking about?" "Are you crazy?" "Now, look!" "Those boys just destroyed my station house... destroyed 2 of my cars." "I want them booked on felony charges-- destruction of private property and assault and battery!" "Now hold on." "Hold on, my ass!" "TED:" "You're in my county now!" "I wonder what I could book you for?" "TED:" "Let's see..." "mickey:" "Whoo!" "Get him, brother!" "Broken headlight." "That's a $50 fine in Seward County." "PORKY:" "I got that right here." "PORKY:" "Damn." "A blown tire." "That's too bad." "CAR:" "Oinnnnnnk..." "TED:" "A broken radiator." "This car's a mess." "MEAT:" "Do it!" "Do it!" "PORKY:" "Ah, shit!" "Broken hood ornament." "Any questions?" "PORKY:" "All right." "How much you want?" "TED:" "I'll let you off on the promise... that you'll get your fat ass back across that county line... and the promise from your brother... that all peccadilloes that might have occurred tonight... will be forgotten." "Why don't you stick it up your" "PORKY:" "Promise him !" "For Christ's sake, promise him !" "sheriff WALLACE:" "I promise to shove my foot" "PORKY:" "Promise him, you asshole... or you'll be back shoveling pig shit." "sheriff WALLACE: [Mumbling] I promise." "What's that?" "I can't hear you, Sheriff." "I promise, you mother-- l promise." "TED:" "Now get this car out of Seward County." "PORKY:" "You've blown away our engine." "We got one flat tire." "How?" "TED:" "Just put a little weight behind it." "I'm sure you boys can manage that." "PORKY:" "OK, get your shoulders behind this thing." "[Cheering]" "[Marching band playing]" "[Horn honks]" "billy:" "Hey, listen up!" "It's Tommy and Brian!" "Let's go get them !" "TOMMY:" "We did it!" "brian:" "Open it!" "mickey:" "TNT!" "Dynamite!" "TNT Turner!" "TOMMY:" "What a perfect ending!" "PEE WEE:" "Yeah, perfect." "tim:" "What's with him?" "TOMMY:" "Take care of that." "What's wrong with you, Pee Wee?" "PEE WEE:" "For God's sake, we just blew up Porky's." "That was my last chance." "Now I'm never gonna get laid." "TOMMY:" "Oh, no--Wendy!" "Wendy!" "Come here." "WENDY:" "Don't, Tommy." "Don't make me!" "TOMMY:" "You said if we pulled it off... you'd break Pee Wee's cherry." "Turner." "Turner." "TOMMY:" "A bet's a bet." "Now you gotta pay up." "WENDY:" "I should have gotten better odds." "PEE WEE:" "What do you mean, "break Pee Wee's cherry"?" "TOMMY:" "Look, Pee Wee, you want to get laid or not?" "If you're not cherry, you don't get Wendy." "PEE WEE:" "I'm cherry!" "I'm as cherry as George Washington's tree." "You could put me on top of a banana split... I'm so cherry." "mickey:" "He's as cherry as they come!" "TOMMY:" "Well?" "WENDY:" "Well..." "mickey:" "Come on, baby!" "WENDY:" "Oh, all right." "Just don't tell anybody." "mickey:" "Don't worry." "It'll only take a minute." "TOMMY:" "All right, Pee Wee!" "tim:" "Shh!" "WENDY:" "Pee wee!" "You idiot!" "PEE WEE:" "Shh!" "I need a rubber!" "Did I tell you?" "Aw, Jesus!" "mickey:" "Do you believe this?" "Do you know how to use this?" "PEE WEE:" "Sorry." "MEAT:" "It's a ramses-- curse of the pharaohs!" "mickey:" "Hey, Pee Wee." "Hey, Pee Wee!" "It fits over your dick." "[Laughter]" "PEE WEE:" "It's too big." "TOMMY:" "We don't have any training rubbers." "brian:" "Pee wee, tie a knot in this one." "mickey:" "Junior size." "MEAT:" "What do you think this is... the return desk at Macy's?" "Heeeeaaahhhhhh!" "TOMMY:" "Oh, shit!" "billy:" "Go, Tommy!" "BALBRlCKER:" "I saw it!" "I'd know that penis anywhere!" "I saw it!" "I saw it!" "Arrest him !" "Arrest him !" "I can identify him !" "Positively!" "[Tarzan yell]" "TOMMY:" "Jeez."