"Ten minutes." "Ten minutes to air." "Cast should changed for the called open." "You wanted to see me?" "Does it seem weird in here to you?" "Everything look like a mexican soap opera." "I don't know." "Does it?" "God, I can see every line and pore on your face!" "You look like a YMCA climbing wall." "My face cream was recalled." "Apparently it was destroying the lab rats..." "What is that word?" "Brains." "I just wanted to let you know that while Avery is pregnant," "I am giving up drinking." "She can't drink, I won't drink." "I don't know if that's a good idea for you." "Remember what happened that time I tried to give up refined sugars?" "Looking good, Liz." "Our bodies, we don't want all that processed junk." "I don't know if you've read Michael Pollan..." "Who wants donuts?" "I'll kill you!" "How come you better-looking in your memory?" "My memory has Seinfeld money." "Don't worry." "For me, It has always been about the ritual." "I just need to replace the ritual." "And therefore, Avery has got me this very nice tea set, some knitting needles and yarn and a book on sleight-of-hand magic." "That's as far as I've gotten." "If that's it, I'm going to go downstairs." "Have a good show." "I'm dreading watching it sober." "Jack knows it's my birthday, right?" "Let me see." "I have my master list of staff birthdays right here." "I seem to have forgotten to put you on it." "Is this because of that joke I made the other day?" "Jonathan, give me a pen?" "Yeah, hurry up, Aladdin." "Before Jasmine is forced to marry Jafar." "Similarities." "Lemon, out." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Whatever, Jack will remember because we're friends." "Also, it's a pretty big birthday." "Are you turning 1,000?" "Really, you want to play this game with a comedy writer?" "Live show" "It's the 30 Rock live show for the Pacific time" "Live show It's West Coast live show" "Let's talk about sushi" "Portland, Vegas, Glendale This is 30 Rock" "Hi, Jadwiga." "Hello." "I haven't seen you in a long time." "Yes, bullet in brain move." "Much hospital." "I'm glad you back." "I wanted to let you know there's probably gonna be a party tonight because it's my birthday." "Happy days is my favorite show." "Happy days it's a great show, but there might be a mess," "Are we understanding each other?" "I clean you now?" "You don't have to clean me." "You may have to clean up after a surprise party later cause it's my birthday, and it's a big one." "What are we doing, Jadwiga?" "I like Fonzi." "His office is bathroom, just like Jadwiga." "Good talk, Jadwiga." "I have your messages." "A Mr. Brett Favré stopped by, and dropped off this picture of a hot dog." "Finally." "And the Chilean miners are all out, and they're really angry about what you said about them." "I guess they're geniuses for getting stuck in a mine." "Also your pharmacy called, apparently you can't get a prescription for ecstacy." "Thanks, Obama care." "If you need somebody to scream at, I'm right here." "Hello, Ms. Lemon." "What's up, giggly?" "I don't know." "Nothing." "Mr. Hornberger needs to see you in Mr. Jordan's dressing room." "Oh, really?" "I wonder why." "I don't know." "You better find out." "Surprise, Liz." "Tracy has come up with a new way to ruin the show." "What?" "No, I told you, your lizard can't be the musical guest." "Of course, not." "His album doesn't drop until December." "For the first time ever" "Tracy watched the non-porn version of the Carol Burnett Show." "Sure." "It was even funnier than the porn version, and the best part is when the actors started cracking up." "They laughed so hard they didn't need even finish the skit." "Your point is?" "I would like to do that, please." "Do what?" "Crack up instead of saying these stupid lines I wrote." "Stupid lines I wrote, and, no, we're not doing that." "You never take my creative suggestions." "The only one I remember is you wanted to hire those two strippers to dance behind you." "You should have." "Those dudes were awesome." "And so is my crack-up idea." "What are you talking about is called breaking, and, sure, audiences love it when something goes wrong." "We don't do that here." "It's cheap." "No breaking." "Promise?" "Promise." "I swear on my mother's grape." " Did you say grave or grape?" " Yes, good-bye." "Gentlemen, tonight I'm gonna laugh harder..." "Tonight I did at Dotcom's play." "It was Angels in America, Tray!" "Mr. Donaghy called." "Why are you giggling?" "It's very misleading." "I'm sorry, it's just..." "Mr. Lutz is wearing the most hilarious t-shirt, and every time I see it..." "Just look!" "Whoever standing next to him, it's stupid!" "That guy is stupid." "Now, she is." "Now they are." "Now I were." "Anyway..." "Mr. Donaghy called while you were in with Mr. Jordan." "He needs to see you right away." "I almost forgot." "Happy birthday." "The song." "Legal says we can't use it in the sketch, but we can use" "It's your B-day, Bitch by Snooki's mom." "Wait, did I just hear that correctly?" "Because last year, I wrote a song called It's your Birthday, Slut." "Does her track sound anything like this?" "You say that it's your birthday Time to skank it up hard" "Choke a cup with your panties" "Did you just knit that?" "I need a drink!" "Already?" "We can get through this." "It turns out it's not the ritual." "According to a bunch of on-line questionnaires," "I am a problem drinker." "God, I have a splitting headache!" "Replace the ritual." "Would you come over here, please?" "Finish the magic book?" "I cannot divulge my secrets." "I don't wanna let Avery down, but this is so hard." "Distract me." "Entertain me." "Open on the Covent Garden flower market!" "The year?" "1892!" "Flowers!" "Flowers for sale!" "Get out of here!" "Did he remember your birthday?" "Oh, come on!" "What's up, New York?" "Tracy Jordan in the house!" "You're the real stars!" "Not really!" "Fox News." "A division of Fox nonsense incorporated." "Welcome back to Fox News." "I'm blonde." "President Obama, in your own words, why are you a terrorist who hates America?" "That's an excellent question." "I'm doing something called "breaking"!" "Snort!" "Giggle-giggle!" "The audience loves this." "Oh, that idiot." " Fine, just go to commercial." " Go to commercial." "Erectile dysfunction." "It's not just a dog problem anymore." "It also affects millions of men." "Hello." "I'm "doctor" Leo Spaceman." "For too long, erectile dysfunction has been viewed as a physical problem." "And it's been treated with pills and ointments and contraptions whose straps break all too easily." "But couldn't the real cause of E.D." "be that we haven't produced a good doing-it song since Close the Door by Teddy Pendergrass?" "That's why I recorded an album." "Baby, let's take it slow" "You know we got all night" "Light some candles, draw a bath" "Tie me to my radiator and put food just out of reach" "Guaranteed to end erectile dysfunction, these are the sweet sounds of Dr. Leo Spaceman's Love Storm." "An ultra-strength audio rebonulator." "Girl" "I've been knowing you a long time" "And I think tonight's the night" "This time you can be the man strap" "Hey, idiot!" "I know we're not usually the most grateful bunch, but everybody here, and I mean, everybody, is signing this birthday card for Jadwiga, the cleaning lady." "Really." "Jadwiga's birthday." "I lookout for her, we're friends with benefits." "You should be ashamed of yourself." "I can't be." "I'm missing that part of my brain." " Why are you doing this?" " Why does anybody do anything?" "They're rich and they have attention deficit disorder." "Look at Lutz's t-shirt." "You are ruining the show." "No more laughing." "No more laughing." "Krout's honor." "Did you say scout or krout?" "Carol, I knew you wouldn't forget me today." "No nonessential chatter, Liz." "I'm having the worst flight of my life." "Wind shears, lightning, severe turbulence." "The in-flight meal was a frittata." "Oh, my God." "At night?" "Lizzie, if something were to happen, I want you to know..." "I need you to go to my apartment and just clear out all the porn before my mom gets there." "That's it?" "I also need you to TiVO Bones for me in case I survive." "You know what, Carol, today is a very special day, and you should have known that, and you can't use cell phones on planes." "No, that's just something we tell passengers." "Hang on." "I gotta go." "I think I just really screwed up something with my girlfriend." "I have always loved you." " Not now, Kevin." " Copy that." "How could you let Tracy do that to me?" "Don't worry, it's under control or not." "I am a professional." "I have never broken during a performance, ever." "I was on stage in Pippin with Irene Ryan when she died, and I kept on going." "That is why you are so amazing." "I will never break." "But if he tries to pull that stunt again," "I will have a wardrobe malfunction." "I will slip a nip, Liz." "So help me, I will slip a nip." "Hi, Jadwiga." "How are you?" "Sit on it." " Are you sniffing paint?" " Of course I am!" "Men need alcohol." "It gives these ability to hit on women and later when we're married to tune them out." "I don't know how much more of this I can take." "The worst day of my life." "Your life?" "Of your life?" "How are we going to make this about you?" "It's my birthday!" "It's my 40th birthday, and no one remembered!" "Damn you, she-beasts!" "You and Avery." "You lay these traps to make me fail!" "I'm sorry I forgot your birthday." "I'm not myself right now." "Please accept... this $1,000 as my gift to you." "I'm gonna take this on principle, but it doesn't fix anything." "This is what happens to people like us who put work before everything else." "You know where I spent my 40th birthday?" "In my office." "All night long." "You were really fit back then." "Yes, but my penis was smaller." "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty." "I mean, I know who I am." "I know I'm not the funnest person in the group." "I'm not the one you call when you want to go clubbing on the town and party dancing all night." "Why are you speaking like a Persian immigrant?" "But I thought I at least these dummies would do something for me besides set bunch of fires I have to put out." "I thought when I turned 40... 40." "I could really drink a forty right now." "Oprah, this is what the inside of a child's face looks like." "My Oprah wig is falling off!" "Exciting mishap!" "This is live!" "What the blurg?" "Have you been drinking?" "I had a bottle of wine with dinner." "May I smell your mouth?" "I thought you'd never ask." "I gave up drinking while Avery is pregnant," " and it's really hard." " Of course." "But caring for someone means making sacrifices." "Being with Paul has taught me that." "It's made me more mature." "It is nipple time!" "Now my mustache is askew!" "That thing fell!" "And that thing, too!" "My shirt is accidentally falling off!" "America!" "I warned you, Liz!" "And now I'm slipping a nip!" "The big one!" " Go to commercial!" " Go to commercial, go!" "I'm Dr. Drew Baird." "Every year, dozens of people lose a hand to a helicopter or fireworks mishap." "Or, in my case, both." "But thanks to grand breaking research to the Yale university center for hand frankeinstining, hand transplants are reality." "Making life better for people all over the world." "People like me." "Of course, donors are rare." "As you can see, I've had to accept a female hand." "Number of which became available after a giant explosion at a Josh Groban's concert." "So please give, give someone a hand." "Sorry." "I'm trying to do a thumbs-up here." "She doesn't always listen." "This is not the time, please, we are in public." "Stop it, Marjory." "Obey me!" "Please, I'm so tired." "Oh God, please take off your rings." "Listen up." "We forgot Liz Lemon's birthday." "Her 40th birthday." "How?" "You gave me your list!" "Never mind how it happened." "That's water under the bridge." "I'm sorry, we don't have that expression in Canada." "Does it mean that what happened can be used to power a lumbermill?" "It means that we're going to do something nice for our friend Liz Lemon, 'cause she takes care of us." "We're going to take care of her, even if we are currently sober for the first time in ten years." "Not me." "I just got my ten-year drunk chip." "Pete, what can you pull together?" "Is time to do something for Liz on air?" "Not really." "I mean, I could cut the product placement for capital one." "You can't do that." "The capital one venture card is amazing." "They give double miles every day for every purchase!" "Or the cast could say something during goodnights." "No, it has to be big enough that Liz will believe we planned it all along." "I've got an idea!" "What if..." " we..." " You spit it out before I drink you!" "Cast to the floor for goonights." "Cast, please set yourselves for goodnights." "Did you crash?" "No, but it was pretty scary." "I mean, not like the stuff I saw in the Air Force, of course." "Like this one time a bunch of us pilots went to a haunted house in Germany." "That was messed up." "Today is my birthday, Carol." "It's your birthday." "Dammit." "I'm sorry." "Happy birthday, Lizzie." "Don't worry." "These dummies know me a lot longer, and none of them..." "Oh, my God." "You did remember." "What's happening there?" "Is that a surprise party?" "Surprise!" "I was totally in on it." "It was really expensive." "Happy birthday, Lemon." "You, you knew all along?" "Come on, you didn't think we'd forget your birthday, did you?" "30 seconds!" " Is that a polka band?" " Happy birthday!" "Wait a minute." "Wait." "Why is Henry Winkler on my cake?" "I like Fonzi." "This is supposed to be for Jadwiga." "No, everybody loves the Fonz!" "10 seconds!" "You stole an old cleaning lady's birthday just to make me happy?" "In my defense, yes." "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me!" "Five seconds." "Five, four, three..." "On behalf of everyone at TGS, we want to..." "Good night!" "Her thumbs are in my eyes !" "I'm sorry your birthday didn't turn out the way you hoped, but at least it was memorable." "You know what?" "It was perfect." "It was the best of both worlds." "It was..." "Yeah, sorry." "It was perfect." "It's the best of both worlds." "I got to feel martyred and indignant all day, and I still got eat the Fonzi face." "But, I have one birthday wish." "I want to you have a drink with me." "I promised to Avery I wouldn't, but it's dangerous to denied the wishes of an old spinster." "You may turn me into a crow." "To Liz Lemon." "You're halfway to death." "That's more like it." "You're watching The Office right now."