"What the--?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Where do you think you're going?" "You don't just think I can let you--?" "Excuse me." "Yeah." "Is there a trick to getting help here?" "Other than being charming and beautiful, no." "I need to know which of these to buy, the 3000-Z or the 3000-ZX." "Excellent question." "Uh, you need to talk to one of our green-shirts about that." "I'm not a salesman." "I'm part of the Nerd Herd." "You must be so proud of yourself." "I wouldn't go so far as to say proud." "Hello?" "Anybody working out here?" "Do you work here?" "Can you give me a hand with this?" "Sorry." "Where are all the employees?" "One minute." "Excuse me." "Help." "I'll be right back." "Mystery Crisper." "Mystery Crisper." "Mystery Crisper." "Mystery Crisper." "Mystery Crisper." "Sorry." "Guys, sorry to break up this" "You want in, it's gonna cost you 5 bucks." "What's going on?" "Final round, Mystery Crisper." "Mystery Crisper!" "The great crisper where employee food goes to die." "Put the shield down." "There's gonna be a riot on the sales floor if you don't get back to work." "There it is." "Come to daddy." "He's found it." "There it is!" "You the man." "The man." "What's his weapon?" "Morgan is so awesome." "He can eat anything." "Bartowski." "Yes." "I need to see you in my office." "I was just on my way." "Daddy mad, Chuck." "Daddy mad." "You might as well kiss that promotion goodbye." "Get in here, Bartowski." "Yes, sir." "Tell me." "What's the best part of being Buy More brass?" "The power?" "The money?" "The ladies?" "The medical." "I couldn't give a rodent's behind about this job." "But this?" "My body is my temple." "And I must treat it as such." "Is that all, sir?" "Because I really should, uh, get back to work." "No, that is not all, sit down!" "Okay." "There's a guy coming in here from corporate to interview you and Tang for the assistant-manager spot." "Now, Tang has the charm of a prostate exam." "For some reason, people seem to like you." "If the HR guy likes you, the job is yours." "So is the medical." "Don't screw up." "I'll, uh" " I'll do my best." "Make sure Morgan does his best too." "That kid is gonna be the anchor around your neck, Bartowski." "What, we don't have enough actual cobwebs already?" "Heh, I'm getting ready for our annual Halloween party." "What time are you, uh, getting here?" "You know what?" "I might be late." "They finally scheduled that promotional interview thing for that afternoon." "We can make it an assistant-manager party too, then." "Sure, if you feel like jinxing it." "You're just finally growing up, aren't you?" "Think this year would be a good time for you and Morgan to have separate costumes?" "Excuse me, but what's wrong with our costume?" "Um, I'm sorry, but the whole two-man sea-cucumber thing is kind of creepy." "First of all, it's a sandworm, okay?" "Shai-Hulud, to be specific." "Second, Dune fans have been going nuts over our costume since the eighth grade." "Yo, Chuckster." "Guess what I am." "You're naked?" "I'm Adam." "You know, like "Adam and Eve" Adam." "Wait till you see my snake." "I don't wanna see your snake." "Heh, Devon." "Chuck here has an interview on Wednesday." "That is outstanding." "Heh." "Okay." "I gotta" " Excuse me." "Hello?" "Hello?" "I'm getting tense." "I don't like being tense." "How can I help you relax?" "Find that jackass Morgan." "He's supposed to be working a double shift today, went AWOL." "Hey, buddy, Morgan, where you been?" "Chuck, buddy, yes." "Where have you been?" "I've been trying to call you." "I, uh" " I picked up the costume from the dry-cleaners." "The ranch dressing totally came out, so we're good." "Ready to win another costume contest?" "No." "No, no, because you're supposed to be at work, buddy." "But I got 10 big ones riding on this quote-unquote "videogame."" "So can I just have a--?" "This guy's been handing me my ass all week." "Time to return the favor." "This is over." "Your reign is over." "Um, Morgan." "Yeah, buddy." "Morgan, this guy is dangerous." "Well, Morgan's dangerous, Chucky." "Morgan's dangerous." "What a baby." "What a loser." "Aah!" "How did you find me?" "Who else knows I'm here?" "Who do you work for?" "No one, let me go." "I don't know what you're talking about." "I know you're a spy." "Your watch, I designed that for the CIA." "Are there other agents waiting for me outside?" "Are there other agents waiting?" "You're not sneaking away from me." "Wait." "Whoa, you still owe me 10 bucks." "Morgan!" "Morgan!" "Whoa, hey, you still owe me $10!" "Hey, um, is Sarah here?" "She's waiting in your room." "Everything okay?" "Said she had a surprise for you." "Get in there, slugger." "Ha-ha-ha." "Hey." "Who is Laszlo?" "He just ID'd me as an agent." "We're looking into him." "You did the right thing." "I didn't do anything." "I just flashed on the guy." "You followed protocol." "I'll check in with you in the morning." "Wait, wait." "Hold on, hold on, wait." "Look, if it's cool with you, could you hang out for a little while?" "Look, Awesome and Ellie think that I'm kind of getting lucky in here and I wouldn't wanna disappoint them." "Oh, um...." "Uh, how long do you want me to stay?" "Forty-two minutes and 15 seconds?" "Arcade Fire's first album." "It's like a auditory aphrodisiac." "You're not really ready for it yet, I'll...." "Okay, here we go." "Yeah, just, uh...." "Why were you waiting for me in my room, anyway?" "Well, I wanted to surprise you." "Um...." "Uh, it's us at Comic-Con." "What do you think?" "It's" " It's great." "Uh...." "But we've never actually been to Comic-Con, have we?" "Wow, we actually look like a real couple." "Well, we are a real couple." "We're just a different sort of a couple." "That we are." "You." "What do I have to do to get timely intel out of you?" "I briefed Sarah last night, all right?" "Oh, bet you did, slugger." "I thought we were all part of the same team, Team Chuck." "We are, but I feel like the guy who always gets picked last." "I don't like feeling like Team Chuck's little fat kid." "Okay, the next time I have a flash, I'll come straight to you, all right, Casey?" "What'd you tell Laszlo?" "Nothing." "He asked me where I got my watch, I told him my girlfriend gave it to me." "So you compromised yourself and Agent Walker." "Bang-up job, Chuck." "And so now you and your son are ready to video-chat." "Oh, thank you, young man." "You've been...." "Great heavens!" "Dude, check it out." "Check it out." "This is a whale tail." "Notice this illusive creature seen her frolicking in her natural habitat." "Any sudden movement" "Give me this." "Come on." "What do you mean?" "Shoo, shoo, shoo." "Have fun." "Go find the videogames." "What was that about?" "I was this close to closing a sale." "No, you are this close to getting fired for sexual harassment." "What happened?" "You used to be cool." "I used to be cool." "When was that, when we were 13?" "I'm sorry to go changing on you." "But if you hadn't noticed, we are now adults." "So unless you wanna work retail forever and by the way, drag me down with you in the process I would suggest you grow up." "Heavy is the head that wears the crown." "Couldn't help but notice the way you handled that, uh, Morgan situation." "That was most impressive, Chuck." "That's great, that's great." "You gave me goose bumps." "Super, Jeff." "The Intersect was correct to alert us." "We've been looking for Laszlo Mahnovski since he escaped from Los Robles National Labs last month." "Who is he?" "Weapons designer government brain." "The target graduated college age 14." "Ph.D. at 17." "Been with us ever since, working for a engineering subcontractor." "Laszlo's not the kind of asset we can afford to lose." "Grade-A egghead." "What do you want me to do with him?" "Bring him in, and take caution." "Is he gonna hurt me with his mind?" "Here's what he did to his handlers." "Nice try, buddy, but, uh, Halloween's tomorrow, okay?" "Or today." "It could be today if you want it to be today." "I didn't kill anybody." "I never said you did." "Why am I on the e FBI list?" "I don't know." "I was framed." "You have to believe me, I am not a murderer." "Okay, okay." "I believe you." "But FYI, you're kind of acting like a murderer." "You told the agent about me, didn't you?" "He's talking to Pentagon operations." "I tapped into the video feed at the store." "I helped design that theater system." "I don't know" "I got it." "I got it." "I got it." "Is that a water gun?" "No." "I'm pretty sure it's dripping on my face." "I'm sorry." "Name's Laszlo and I need help." "What am I supposed to do?" "You're on the inside." "You have access." "Unless you help me, they're gonna keep chasing me." "You're my only hope." "But first, I could really use some pancakes." "Hey." "Where's Chuck?" "Shouldn't you be practicing your snake dance?" "It's a sandworm." "And Chuck's not here because he's probably off doing something really mature like seeing an opera or reading." "Come on, babe." "Let's help the little guy out." "What else did you make for the CIA?" "Whatever the jobs call for." "If an agent wanted thermal-vision Ray Bans or a parachute disguised as a backpack I'm the guy they call." "You're like a real-life Q." "You know?" "You know Q?" "The guy who used to make all the gadgets for Bond?" "Bond is that spy guy, right?" "Have they been keeping you in a cave?" "An underground lab, actually." "For the last 10 years." "All I did was work in that lab, pretty much." "Well, that and play video games." "But, um, no friends, no family." "No Bond." "No wonder you blew up all of your research and busted out of there, that's just inhumane." "So, what kind of work do you do?" "You know, it's kind of, uh, complicated." "Right, but you gotta be some kind of genius or prodigy?" "Feds don't bother recruiting somebody, guarding them with undercover agents unless you're super good at something." "What are you super good at?" "Let's just say I'm a computer guy." "Ellie, let me ask a question." "Am I the kind of person you would categorize as immature?" "Do you really want me to answer that?" "Yes." "Be straight with me." "Fire away, both barrels." "Would you mind stepping into the kitchen, Morgan?" "I'll handle this one, honey." "Ellie's room." "Wow." "There comes a time in every man's life when he reaches, well, a crossroads." "A time when he must ask himself, "Am I a tucker?"" "Talking about your shirt." "I wasn't always a tucker, you know." "Then one day, it just happened." "How do you know it's time?" "You just feel it." "Go ahead, tuck her in." "See how she feels." "I don't know." "I'm just kind of happy with how my shirts hang there." "Come on." "You're safe in here." "Um...." "Tuck her in." "Do it." "I don't know" " Ahem." "Mm-hm." "I don't know." "I feel like my junk's out there for the whole world to see." "Maybe that's the point, Morgan." "Maybe that's the point." "If there's one thing to being a man, it's always speaking your mind." "Whatever the cost, always be direct, open and honest." "When I was 12, I hid under Ellie's bed so I could watch her undress." "Excellent." "What are you looking at?" "Your hair." "It's time to tame the mane, buddy." "Let's talk product." "I gotta finish the job." "I'm sorry." "Who's that handsome guy in the mirror?" "This is great." "I mean, just being able to sit in a coffee shop and talk." "Talk with somebody who knows what it's like working for the company." "You know, if I had it to do over again, I never would've gone to that pier." "What pier?" "I was 11." "And...." "Some agent saw me playing "Tetris" at an arcade." "Asked me if I could take all these tests." "Next thing I know, he's offering to pay my way through school." "My parents, like, they don't know what to do with a kid whose IQ is higher than both theirs combined." "So they signed me over." "And that's when I became property of the United States government." "Here you go." "Sweet story, huh?" "I'm a little strapped." "Um...." "You know how government work pays." "Dude, yeah." "No, no, no." "Don't even worry about it." "Heh, here." "Here's an IOU." "Thanks." "Chuck, listen, you can't tell your handlers you ever saw me." "What, why?" "They can help you, Laszlo." "They're the good guys." "There's no such thing in this business." "You don't believe me?" "Go home, search your room." "See what kind of bugs your good-guy handlers planted on you." "From now on, you should trust your handlers precisely as much as they trust you." "What the hell are these?" "Seems you already know, Chuck." "I can't believe you've been prying into my intimate moments" "If I find out you've been spying on my sister, I will I kill you, Casey." "Intimate moments." "Not really an issue thus far." "At least, not in the sense of traditional two-person intimacy." "Heh-heh-heh." "Do you have any idea how violated I feel?" "You feel violated?" "No, no, no, my ears feel violated." "Because they have to listen to you and Morgan yammering for four hours about what sandwich you'd take if you're stranded on an island." "Are you nuts?" "Nobody was talking about sandwiches for four hours." "Think about it." "This is a desert island, Morgan." "Mayonnaise simply doesn't fare well in the tropics." "Yeah, but define sandwich." "Because you could put anything between two slices of bread." "For instance, could I bring a Jessica Alba sandwich?" "I suppose, I" "I'll have you know, I stand by my mayonnaise theory." "You're still a douche for spying on me like that." "Well, if it's any comfort, Chuck, we planted those bugs to protect you." "How did you find the surveillance?" "A little birdie named Laszlo told me." "What?" "You contacted Laszlo and didn't tell me?" "I'm sorry, Casey." "Did I violate your trust?" "Willkommen to WienerIicious." "I'm sorry, but we're geschlossen, and that's German for closed." "That's really adorable." "Nice cover, Agent Walker." "You have a sec?" "Hello, Chuck." "Aah!" "What did you tell your handler?" "I told him you're innocent." "The best thing is to turn yourself in." "They can help you." "Forget it, Chuck." "It doesn't even matter." "It matters." "Isn't this what you wanted?" "They framed me for murder." "What's gonna happen when they get me back?" "Slap on the wrist?" "There's gotta be someplace you can hide me." "Just for tonight." "There is one place." "So this kid just escaped?" "We tried everything we could to prevent this from happening." "And what exactly is this?" "A mentally-unstable weapons designer off his meds and running around Los Angeles." "Right, and how do you know all of this?" "Laszlo was my asset." "I found him and trained him." "I'm the one who'll bring him back." "Look, I'm just gonna be completely straight with you, Walker." "We believe that he is looking to make a bomb." "And God help whoever's in his way when Laszlo decides to go off." "Welcome to Buy More." "How can I be of assistance?" "This is great." "Ha." "Ah, I'll be out before you guys open, and if everything works out you will never see me again." "Thank you, Chuck, for everything." "I really appreciate it." "Yeah, definitely." "Good luck disappearing, Laszlo." "Yeah." "Ha, ha." "I hope you don't mind, I kind of helped myself to the whole the Bond oeuvre." "Ah, check you out." "What, A View to a Kill?" "That's a bold choice." "Why, is it a good one?" "Dude, Christopher Walken playing some evil Nazi villain." "Grace Jones as some, uh, roid-rage sex assassin?" "I think, actually, on second thought, I'm gonna stay for the beginning." "Who is it?" "Uh, it's my handler, Sarah." "Chuck, you gotta turn it off." "Please, Chuck." "She could be tracking us." "You don't understand." "If you turn me in, it's like signing my death warrant." "Give me your watch." "Why?" "I need to disable the transponder." "Disable the transponder." "Transponder." "Yeah, but how would you do that?" "All right." "Here you go." "You were right about the bugs." "God knows what's in my car." "I've got a pretty good idea." "I broke into it, disabled the GPS system." "How did you--?" "You designed my car." "Just think, Chuck." "Right now there is no one in the entire world who knows where we are." "Come on, Chuck, pick up the phone." "It's Chuck." "I'll call you back." "Damn it." "Chuck, I want you to go to your car lock the doors and wait for me." "What did I tell you?" "Max Zorin is one of the greatest bad guys of all time." "You think Walken was the bad guy?" "What are you, kidding?" "He did try to sink California into the Pacific Ocean." "What do you think?" "Don't you get it, Chuck?" "Zorin is like us." "The Nazis used him for his superior gifts the way our government uses me and you." "Too bad Zorin didn't have this home-theater system." "Screw flooding Silicon Valley." "You know what we could do with this if we really wanted to?" "Watch more movies?" "I haven't got a chance to play with this bad boy since I designed it." "What is that?" "Strategic Air Command." "We keep a fleet of B-2's in Guam, kept on nuclear alert, just in case." "Training exercise terminated." "Plan modified." "What are you doing?" "Putting my tax dollars to work." "Would you like to play a nice game of thermonuclear war?" "What about Texas?" "What did Texas ever do that was so great?" "Um...." "Nine hours?" "Maybe we should pick somewhere closer." "In honor of Max Zorin." "Let's see how fast they get to San Francisco." "Destination modified." "Hey, hey, hey, um...." "What about--?" "Let's watch Goldfinger, huh?" "What's it about?" "Uh...." "Again, it's about this bad-- Misunderstood guy who just wants to blow up the world." "It's right up your alley." "I think you'll really like it." "We can always play later." "We can." "Warfare operation terminated." "We can play Bomb Thing later." "I'm gonna get more popcorn." "So here, why don't you go ahead and start without me?" "And, uh, I'm gonna be right back." "You have 34 new messages." "Chuck, it's Casey." "Call me." "You think this is funny, Chuck?" "You don't call me back in the next 10 seconds, I'm gon" "Tie it in a knot and shove it straight up your" "I want you to go to your car, lock the doors and wait for me." "Where are we headed?" "I asked you to turn your phone off." "Who were you talking to?" "My handler, okay?" "She was checking in." "Shouldn't have done that." "You shouldn't have dragged them into this." "I'm not responsible for what happens now." "You sold me out." "You sold me out!" "No." "I just didn't want you to get hurt, okay?" "Look, relax, just relax." "Everything is gonna be cool." "Everything is not gonna be cool." "Come on, let's go." "Aah!" "What?" "What the hell--?" "You're gonna kill us!" "You're gonna kill us!" "Well, Chuck, it's been fun." "Don't!" "Ahem, ladies." "Hey." "You look nice." "Thanks." "I feel like crap." "I screwed up." "I severely pooched the Laszlo situation last night." "Yeah, well, today you have a job interview." "Do you think I care about making lower management at a Buy More?" "Are you kidding me?" "I aided and abetted the escape of the next Ted Kaczynski." "I just...." "I can't believe that I was so wrong about that guy." "No wonder you bugged my room." "I'm an absolute idiot." "You know, just because you trust people it doesn't make you an idiot." "Yeah, well, I should have trusted you guys a little more." "I'm sorry." "Well, Casey got a signal on your car." "The GPS got turned back on." "And Laszlo is heading east." "So I'll call you from the road." "And don't worry." "We're gonna bring him in, Chuck." "Good luck today." "Morgan." "I don't know who you're supposed to be." "But that's the most kick-ass costume ever." "I'm sorry, Michael." "Is it Halloween?" "I didn't realize." "Morgan." "Hey, hey, hey." "You up for a little, uh, Mystery Crisper:" "Holiday Edition or...?" "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about, Lester." "Jeffrey." "Hey, Morgan, where were you this morning?" "I thought you wanted a ride in." "Why are you all dressed up?" "Why are you all dressed up?" "I have a job interview today." "Well, bully for you, Chuck." "What?" "You think you're the only one who cares about looking professional?" "Typical." "I never said anything...." "Boo!" "Did I scare you, Chuck?" "Aah!" "You better be scared." "Because I'm about ready to kill me a job interview, partner." "Kapow." "Laszlo is not headed east." "He's going to the Santa Monica Pier." "Yeah, you don't say." "We just found the GPS in downtown." "Laszlo ripped it out and stuck it under a rig." "He was casing the arcade." "It's where he was recruited." "There's a party there." "He's gonna blow it up." "Where do you think you're going?" "Uh...." "Hey." "Hey, Big Mike." "Can I borrow another herder?" "All herders are out." "You've got an interview." "Did you forget?" "No, I just" " Um, something came up." "More important than being assistant manager?" "More important than handing over your promotion to Tang?" "Is it more important than Big Mike's relaxation?" "Look, Big Mike." "There are things in life that are more important than the Buy More." "You mean, like fishing and Danish?" "Excuse me, excuse me." "I beg your pardon." "Bartowski?" "Excuse me." "You in the Gordon Gekko costume." "Have you seen Chuck Bartowski?" "It's time for his interview." "I don't know where Chuck has been keeping himself these days." "Sorry." "Guess your boyfriend just couldn't take the heat, huh?" "I'm sure he's got a perfectly good excuse." "Sure he does." "First, Chuck balls on you and your stupid space-penis costume." "Then he doesn't even have the stones to show up for his interview." "What a loser, even by your standards." "If I were you, I'd start interviewing for a new best friend, Morgan." "Let me ask you something." "What do you know about Chuck Bartowski?" "You're not Bartowski." "Actually, I'm here to interview on my friend's behalf." "Look" "Please, just hear me out." "The virtues that make for a good manager are the virtues that make for a best friend." "Now, uh, Chuck and I may have our differences but I can tell you this about him." "Chuck is brave." "Chuck is loyal." "Chuck can quote Wrath of Khan word-for-word." "And Chuck is courageous." "Chuck's got a wicked vinyl collection." "And Chuck has the wisdom to not eat garbage from the break-room crisper." "If you want my open and honest and direct opinion the best man for this job is a man by the name of Chuck Bartowski." "Some speech." "Bartowski sounds like a hell of a guy." "He is." "When he comes in tomorrow he'll be working for one Harold Tiberius Tang." "God help you all." "I'm sorry." "Excuse me." "I meant to tell you earlier about your car's self-destruct function." "One of my more inspired designs." "Laszlo, listen." "Relax, Chuck." "It's all yours." "What did you just do?" "You just armed a bomb." "It would take me hours to get through the fingerprint-recognition system." "Why are you doing this?" "That's what bad guys do, Chuck." "Besides, how else was I gonna punish them for what they did?" "Yeah." "Hey." "Someone armed the herder to self-destruct." "Yeah, I know." "It was me." "Disarm the bomb." "You disarm it!" "How?" "It's easy, cut the wire." "Which one?" "Red one." "Gotta cut a wire!" "What if I cut both of them?" "Like Sean Connery in the end of Goldfinger?" "What'd you say?" "Cut it, Chuck." "You said you'd never seen Goldfinger." "So how would you know what Bond did?" "Cut the wire or we're dead." "You lied to me." "You knew I'd believe you when you said you just wanted to live a normal life." "You knew I'd believe you about cutting the wire." "But you were wrong." "Chuck." "Wait, stay back!" "Cut the red wire, Chuck!" "You're under arrest." "I liked it a little bit." "All right." "How do I--?" "Hey, Chuck." "Nice costume, Chuck." "And what are you supposed to be?" "Oh, that's right." "You're my employee." "Aren't you gonna congratulate me?" "You did hear I got the job?" "Uncontested, yeah." "Nice work, Harry." "Anyhow, now that you're here I wanted to talk to you about some ideas for the Nerd Herd." "Now, wh--?" "Chuck, where are you going?" "Chuck?" "Chuck, I will not be ignored." "Did Morgan ever find you?" "I thought the guy was gonna lose it." "No." "He was really looking forward to the Buy More costume contest." "I'm talking about what he did for you." "Giving a big speech to try to talk the HR guy into giving you the job?" "Morgan did that?" "And then someone went and stole his bike." "I mean, what kind of loser would steal a guy's bike?" "I didn't think you were coming." "I'm sorry, I got held up." "Listen, Morgan, I think you should be the head this year." "Really?" "I...." "Worm, worm, worm!" "Worm, worm, worm!" "Chuck." "Chuck, honey, honey." "He's in the back." "Hey." "How did it go?" "Uh, the short version is that I didn't get the job." "What?" "I kind of skipped out on the interview." "It was my fault." "Hello." "I, uh" " I had a personal emergency, and Chuck really came through." "He probably wouldn't admit it, but your brother is kind of a hero." "Would you excuse us?" "Hey, uh, buddy, you mind if we take a little five-minute break?" "Are you kidding me?" "Take 10 if you need it." "So, uh, where'd you get the costume?" "Well, the CIA can make anything." "What are you--?" "What are you doing?" "Uh, smile." "Smile." "I, uh" " I wanted to give you a new photo of us." "I figured it should be something real." "Chuck!" "Sandworm." "They're calling for the worm, bro." "Sandworm, sandworm, sandworm." "I'll, uh" " I'll see you outside." "Sandworm, sandworm, sandworm." "Sandworm, sandworm, sandworm." "What were you guys talking about?" "Oh, nothing." "Just, uh, you know...." "Sarah was just telling me that if she was stranded on a desert island she would bring roast beef." "She didn't say roast beef." "Oh, she totally, completely" "She completely said roast beef." "Terrible." "Oh, that's a terrible sandwich." "She's smart and she's sexy, and kudos on the costume, fantastic but who brings roast beef to a deserted island?" "It's just a terrible choice." "You know what?" "You gotta dump her."