"Previously on Desperate Housewives..." "A mother protected her son." "Here in America, we actually get divorced" " before we get married again." " I will explain it all away." "Your father told me you called off the wedding." "Evil came to Wisteria lane." " Susan, how is she?" " We don't know yet." " Nobody's talking to us." " It struck again..." " Can't believe she's dead." " I didn't know her but I guess we're sorta connected now." " You would've liked her." " And fear set in." "Whoever attacked Julie is still out there." "There is obviously a madman on the loose." "The stage was set..." "I'm a little out of your league, don't you think?" "For the killer..." "What are you doing?" "To strike again." "There is a house in the town of Fairview." "Inside this house lives a monster..." "The kind who kills young women." "You may ask how such a monster came to be, and that's a very good question, indeed." "I'm out of scotch." "I'll buy you some more while I'm out." "You got any in your room?" "No." "And stay out of there." "I know you've been stealing my booze." "Stop being so paranoid." "I don't even drink." " Sure you don't." " I gotta help Mrs. Scavo fix her car." "You can wait a little while, right?" "His name was Eddie." "Everyone thought he was harmless..." "Until the day his mother went into his room." "She was just looking for a bottle of scotch..." "But found the truth instead." "Soon everyone in town would be asking," ""How could such a monster come to be?"" "Sadly, the answer..." "Would satisfy no one." "Synch:" "Wisteria Team Transcript:" "Addic7ed" "I met Eddie on a Monday." "He had just turned 4." "If you're smart, you'll take up jogging now." "Don't wait till you're my age." "It's too late." " I can't do anything!" " At this point I'd settle for anything." "Do the dishes." "Wipe down the counter." "You've given up!" " I'm doing the best I can." " What's going on in there?" "You know what?" "I don't need this crap." "I am done!" "Baby, I said I was sorry!" " Too late." "I can't take it anymore." " But you can't walk out." " We have a kid!" " No, you have a kid." "I never wanted him." "I never wanted any of this!" "Excuse me!" " Is this your child?" " What's it to you?" "I'm sure you don't want to be talking like this in front of him." " I was just leaving." " Hank, don't do this!" "Don't leave me here." "I don't want to be alone." "Eddie, come here." "Come here, I have to get ready for work." "It's you." "I just wanted to check in, see how you guys are doing." "Also, I made you a little something." "You're kidding." "It's nothing special, just macaroni and cheese." "Come on." "Let me heat this up for you." " I don't know." " And then we can talk." "And if you want to complain about your husband, I promise," "I won't defend him." "Don't just stand there, then." "Come on in." "He's a handsome little boy." "Looks just like his father... which is a shame." "Maybe Hank will reconsider." "He's serious this time." "I'm all alone with a 4-year-old to raise." "Isn't there anybody who can help you?" " Family, your mother?" " My mother." "God forbid." "What about friends?" "I have a great group of friends over on Wisteria lane." "We've helped each other get through all sorts of problems." "I've never really been the type of woman to have girlfriends." "And now" "I'm 35 years old with a kid." "I'm guessing I'm not really going to be having any boyfriends either." "Don't be ridiculous." "Women in your situation find love." "You just have to look for it." " I guess." " Well, I've gotta go." "If you like, I can stop by next week." "You don't have to do that." "We'll be fine." "Eddie, say good-bye to Mary Alice." " Good-bye." " You take care, Eddie." "So cute." "He's gonna be a heartbreaker one day." "Just like his father." "Hi, Eddie." "Remember me?" "I brought you a little something." "I'm not supposed to open the door." "Tell your mom I'm here, and she can open it." "She's not here." "Well, tell your babysitter then." "You do have a sitter, don't you?" "Eddie, where exactly is your mother?" "Oh, my gosh!" "What are you doing here?" "Look, it's my friend, Mary Alice." "Nice to meet you, Mary." "The name's Ron." "Can I buy you a drink?" "Thanks, but I'm not gonna be here that long." "Get up." "You're leaving." "She can't leave yet." "This party's just getting started." "Did you say your name was Ron?" "Shut up, Ron." "I have Eddie in my car." "Has something happened?" "He's not hurt, is he?" " He's fine, no thanks to you." " Who's Eddie?" "Her 4-year-old child who she left at her home, unattended." "You got a kid?" "You might wanna lead with that next time, before I spring for the screwdrivers." "Don't you wanna get my phone number?" "Look at what you've done." "I am this close to calling social services." "You might wanna change your tone." "Let's go." "You've got a little boy to look after." "I know I should have stayed home." "But I was already dressed when the sitter canceled, and I really just needed a couple of hours to myself." "He's 4 years old, Barbara." "What if he had gotten sick?" "What if he had hurt himself?" "I know." "It was really stupid." "You've got to promise me you will never" " do something like this again." " Never again." "I swear." "It's just..." "What?" "I really need a man." "My heavens." "I should have been home hours ago." "Don't worry about us." "We are good now." "I want you to be happy, Barbara." "I do." "It's just..." "Being a mother means always putting his needs ahead of yours." "You're right." "That's exactly what it means." "Come here." "It's not your fault you ruined my life." "Gabrielle met Eddie on a Tuesday," "The day she moved into the neighborhood." "Carlos, I'm bored." "I can't go get my nails done, because I'm waiting for the freaking movers!" "Besides, I doubt this town even has a SPA." "It does, have annoying people who come to your house with welcome baskets and say things like, "Hot enough for you?"" "No!" "You are not going into another meeting!" "Just because I moved here for your job, doesn't mean you..." "Damn right we're gonna talk about this tonight, and it will be hot enough for you." "Looks like it's just you and me, Chanel." "Who the hell are you?" " How did you get in here?" " Through the window." " How did you get in?" " With my key." "I own this place." "I've been playing here since the other people moved." "Can I still do that?" "Get out." "Go home." "Did you know you're really beautiful?" "Okay, maybe I was a little rude earlier." " What's your story?" "What do you do?" " I'm a kid." " Right." "So why aren't you in school?" " It's summer." "Right." "Well, I don't really do the kid thing." "So, where do you live?" "A couple of streets over." "The house with the weeds." "That's the moving van that has a lot of boxes I have to unpack." "You better hit the road." "Or I could stay here and help you unpack." "Follow me." "You missed a spot." " Sorry." " Don't apologize." "You do good work." "Maybe next time you'll be ready to do a French tip." "Should I get that?" "Keep your voice down." "It might be one of those Stepford wives with another "Welcome to the neighborhood" cake." "Does it look like I eat cake?" "Some of the neighbors are nice." "That lady with the red hair makes her own Halloween candy." "The one whose parents named her after cheese?" "No, thank you." "I like my robots a little more lifelike." "Though she's not as bad as that blonde chick who's always yelling at her kids." "There are people on fire who are not as loud as she is." "And then I thought, maybe for a second, that Susan Mayer lady and I could friends." "And then she started talking." "Good." "I think they're gone." "Can we watch our shows now?" "Just as soon as you finish unpacking those boxes in the kitchen." "I did it this morning." "If you can sew, I am locking you in my basement," " and you are staying here forever." " Cool!" "Eddie, I was kidding." "You've been coming here every day for a week." "Doesn't your mother mind?" "Are you sure?" "Maybe I should call her." "She has this new boyfriend, and they like their alone time." "Then why don't you stay for dinner?" "I'll cook." " Great!" " Although, you are the one who unpacked the pots and pans, so, I'd hate to mess up your system." "I'll cook." "I can heat up soup." "More than I can do." "Yao Lin, how sick are you, really?" "If you can dial a phone, you can come in and do three loads of laundry and wash some dishes." "You know I can't understand when you speak in your native gibberish!" "Surprise, babe." "What are you doing home?" "I was at work and I started thinking about my lonely... beautiful wife." "And that big beautiful bathtub upstairs we haven't christened yet." "You pig." "So you're saying you don't wanna take a bath with me?" "I guess the pans can wait until Yao Lin recovers from her double pneumonia." "All right." "We've done the tub." "Maybe we should christen the guest room next." "That sounds great, but I need to get going." "Wait a minute." "You're going back to work?" "This is a nooner?" "I can't take the whole day off." "I already canceled" " two meetings and a lunch for this." " So how long do we have?" "Five more minutes." "Don't just sit there." "Fondle something." "What the hell?" "Who are you?" " You know this kid?" " He lives in the neighborhood." "I knocked." "No one answered." "So I came through the window." "We're naked." "Get out!" "She told me I could come over." "Who's this guy?" "He's my husband, Eddie!" "Get out!" "This is how you've been spending your days?" " He's lonely." "I'm lonely." " There are women on this street" " you can be friends with." " They're all so weird." "Your best friend is a 9-year-old boy." "That's weird." "He has no one in his life." "His mother totally ignores him." "I'm thinking of going over there and saying something." "Stay out of it." "This is where we live now, I don't want us to be known as the nosy neighbors." " But he's so sad." " I don't care." "Stop using him as your excuse." "Cut him loose and get out there and start making a life for yourself." "Buddy?" "Edie, I'm sorry Carlos yelled at you." "It's just..." "we were cleaning the tub." "I know what sex is." "I'm not stupid." "No, you're not, which is why you should know you can't just break into people's houses." "It was okay when I was unpacking your boxes." "Look, Eddie, I really like you." "But the thing is, we can't hang out so much anymore." "I need to make friends my age, and you need to make friends your age." "You know what?" "You're not so pretty." "Bree hired Eddie to help out on a Wednesday, and she helped him in return." "It's looking wonderful, Eddie." "Same time tomorrow?" "Sure, Mrs. Hodge." "I think you gave me too much." "Call it a bonus for a job well done." "You don't need to do this." "I'm sure you could use a little extra cash." "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Mayber you could buy her something nice." "I don't have a girlfriend." "You're still young." "It wouldn't matter how old I am." "Girls never notice me." "Did it ever occur to you that they might be waiting for you to notice them?" "Are there any girls that you like?" "There is this one girl at school." "Do you ever talk to her?" "See?" "She has probably noticed you lots of times and wonders why you don't walk up to introduce yourself." "I wouldn't even know what to say." " Does she have nice eyes?" " She has nice everything." "You can start by mentioning her eyes." "Trust me." "You can never go wrong with a genuine compliment." "This is good stuff." "Anything else?" "Once you have her attention, you've gotta woo her." " Woo?" " Yes." "Give her a little gift so she knows that you're thinking about her." "Flowers are nice." "Roses are even better." "And then eventually, you can work your way up to jewelry." "I can't afford all that." "Now you can." "Excuse me." "Are you Eddie Orlofsky's mother?" " Who's asking?" " Bree Hodge." "Your son has been doing some painting for me over on Wisteria Lane." "You're not the woman who has sex with her gardeners, are you?" "Good heavens, no." "That's... somebody else." "May I please speak to Eddie?" "He's not here." "Then maybe you can help me." "A few weeks ago, I gave Eddie some advice on how to talk to girls." "I'm glad someone did." "The kid is a lummox." "What I didn't realize is that the object of his affection is my daughter Danielle." "He gave her roses and then more roses, and then I found this in my mailbox." "Big spender." "Just like his dad." "It was a lovely gesture." "Sadly, Danielle doesn't return his feelings." "She spends most of her time" " with the other cheerleaders..." " Say no more." "She's out of his league." " That's not what I mean." " You want me to talk to him?" "Yes." "If you could just say something to" " let him down easy." " You got it." "What's going on?" "This lady says you've been stalking her daughter." " I didn't say that." " You said he is harassing some girl he has no chance with." "What the hell else do you call that?" "I was trying to woo her." "Woo her?" "My God." "That's hysterical." "There's no need to mock him." "Who is mocking?" "I am thrilled." "I always figured the only girl he'd end up with would be blind, deaf or inflatable." "But now that I know how good he is at wooing..." "Please don't laugh at me." "I'll do what I want, Romeo." "And don't worry." "I'll make sure he stops hassling your daughter." "I'm sorry." "It's been a few days." "I wasn't... sure if I'd be seeing you again." "I didn't wanna come back, but I needed the money." "No, I don't blame you for being angry." "I don't wanna talk about this." "I wish you had told me that Danielle was the girl you were interested in." "Right, then you could have told me that she was out of my league" " and saved my mom the trouble." " I wouldn't have said that, and I definitely wouldn't have laughed at you." "Why not?" "It's pretty funny." "Nerdy freak wants to date popular cheerleader?" "The only thing I see when I look at you is a nice young man, who isn't treated as well as he should be." "Tell Danielle she can relax." "I won't be talking to her anymore." "I've been forbidden." "Danielle would be happy to talk to you, as a friend." "I don't want a friend." "I want someone to love me." "Well, of course you do." "I think I..." "I wanna work now." "There is someone out there for you." "You just have to be patient." "For how long?" "I feel like I'm waiting for someone who's never gonna show up." "There are girls out there who will say "yes" to you." "You just have to find them." "Yes." "It's half up front and half after." "So where do we go?" "Down there." "Don't worry, cutie." "No one's gonna see us." "You can do whatever you want." "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "I forgot something." "I got you these." "Please don't laugh at me." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Let's just go." "Susan first noticed Eddie as the boy who sold her coffee." "Then one Thursday, she noticed something more." "That's amazing." " I didn't know you were an artist." " I was just..." "I'm fooling around." " What can I get you?" " No, let me see it." "Look at the shadowing and the blending." "It's really good." "My mom thinks I'm wasting my time." "She says there's lots of people way better than me." "You tell your mom that I have an expensive, worthless art degree that says I know what I'm taking about, and you have huge potential." "You think?" "You just need to work on your technique." "I could help if you want." "Seriously?" "That'd be great." "Thanks." "Okay, whatever you want..." "on the house." "I'll have a large, triple-shot latte." "That's funny." "Your husband was in here earlier," " and that's exactly what he ordered." " Actually, he's... now my ex-husband." " I'm sorry." "I didn't mean it." " No." "It's fine." "We've all moved on." "Mike's dating the woman that lives across the street now, and I'm... adding a double chocolate brownie to my order." "We're all very happy." "Well, if it makes you feel any better," "I'm sure a lot of people would like to date you." "You have huge potential, too." "Brownie." "Right." "Eddie, the detail is amazing." "Your use of perspective...." "I can't believe you've come so far in just a few weeks." "Well..." "I had a really good teacher." "That's sweet." "But actually, I think that you've outgrown me, which is why I have a surprise for you." "What?" "I signed you up for a 2-week seminar at the Art Institute." "Before you say you can't afford it, I already wrote the check." "This is, like, the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me." " But I can't go." " Why not?" "My mom would never let me." "I mean, she thinks" " this whole art thing is stupid." " You can't let her do this to you." "You have such a gift." "Listen to me." "When you love something that much, you can't just let it go." "That kind of love is the one thing that keeps us going, whether it makes sense to anyone else or not." "This is just about the only thing that makes me happy." "Then to hell with the rest of the world." "Are you there?" "It's me, Eddie." "Come on in!" "I'll be right down." "Hey, those art classes were amazing!" "The first three days, they had us do nothing but portraits from memory." "And then they brought us down to the beach to do seascapes." "I've got so much to tell you!" "Me, too." "Why are you wearing that?" "I'm getting married." " To who?" " Mike." "But he divorced you." " He made you so unhappy." " He did." "But then this madman kidnapped MJ, and so I went after him, and then Mike came after us, and he saved us both." "So we fell back in love." "This doesn't make any sense." "It's so quick." "I know." "Are those éclairs?" "They look messy." "Get them away." "So, yeah, it is quick." "I can't believe in two hours, I'm gonna be marrying Mike." "And promising him I'll be with him forever... for the second time." "I have zero credibility." "Look at me." "I don't know if I'm gonna make it down the aisle." "Are they chocolate?" "No, I don't wanna know." " Don't do it." " They just smell so good." "I mean the wedding." "If you're not sure, don't marry Mike." "I booked the church, I bought the dress." "I have to marry somebody." "You could marry me." "I have some money saved up." "Okay, you almost got me." "You are so sweet." "You saw that I was freaking out and you knew that I needed a good laugh." "I don't know what I'd do without you." "I have to finish getting ready." "Come to the church if you want." "What the hell?" "I can always use my bouquet to cover the stain." "By the power vested in me," "I now pronounce you husband and wife." "You may kiss your bride." "I was just getting some coffee." "How sweet of you to visit." "Well, it's the first day that they allowed non-family members." "I still can't believe it happened." "I keep asking myself, how can there be this kind of evil in the world?" "What kind of monster would do this to her?" "It wasn't a monster." "No, monsters are big and strong." "This was done by some weak, insignificant piece of garbage that doesn't even deserve to be on this earth." "Anyone who could do this to someone as sweet as Julie and you..." "He should just do everyone a favor and just... kill himself." "Anyone that could do this... is too cowardly for that." "You're right." "It was during a Friday night game of charades that Lynette was clued in to the truth of Eddie's life." "Three words." "Third word." "Third word." "You." "You." "Pregnant." "Bloated." "Swollen." "Huge." " Lady, Tom." "I'm a lady." " No talking." "Better than hitting." "Du Barry was a lady." "Three times a lady." " Tramp and the Lady?" " No." "My Fair Lady!" "Yes." "Yes!" "Tramp and the lady." "Really?" "Coming!" "It's not easy when you're swollen, bloated and huge." "Where's my kid?" "Hey, Barbara." "He's in here with us." "You want to come in?" "No." "Get out here." " What are you doing here?" " Why didn't you answer your phone?" "That was probably our fault." "We were playing charades, and you know how loud that can get." "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail." " You gotta come home." " It's not even 8:00, mom." " I don't care." " I'm having fun." "You should have thought about that before you hid my stuff." " I didn't hide it." " Everything okay?" " It's nothing." " Yeah, he hides my booze." "And then acts all ashamed when I call him on it." "I know you hid it, you little bastard." "Mrs. Scavo, it's okay." "It's okay." "Mom, come on." "I'll walk you home." "I don't think you should talk to your son that way." "What do you care?" "Huh?" "What is he, your pet project?" "You feed him a little dinner, Lynette, and then you let him play your stupid games so you can feel good about yourself?" "I got your number." "I'm out of scotch." "I'll buy you some more while I'm out." "Got any in your room?" "No." "And stay out of there." "Hi, Mrs. Scavo." "I'm here to fix your car." "You are so sweet to remember this." "Thank you." "So..." "how are things at home?" "Are the tools in the garage?" "I should probably get started." " We got any cake left?" " I'm not sure." "You okay?" "I don't know." "I keep thinking about last night." "Yeah, me, too." "And I'm just so... livid." "That Barbara is an infuriating woman." "I am livid at us... the way she talked to Eddie and we did nothing." "I know." "But we can't force her to be nice to her own kid." "That's what everybody always says." "But we all know the woman is a drunken nightmare." "We complain about her, we gossip about her, and then we watch her walk into that house, where we know something bad is happening." "But we do nothing." "Well..." "I'm tired of being one of the people who does nothing." "Eddie is an adult now and he can leave whenever he wants." "He's probably so damaged, he doesn't know how to leave." "Where are you going with this?" "Ma, I'm back from the store." "What is that?" "Your scrapbook." "I don't understand, Eddie." "There are all these newspaper articles in here, about girls in Fairview who've been... strangled or murdered." "Why would you collect this stuff?" "Don't just look down at your feet." "You gotta tell me the truth, okay?" "Did you have anything to do with... hurting those girls?" "How could you do something like this?" "Oh, God." "I didn't raise you to..." "to be like this." "Didn't you?" "What is that supposed to mean?" "This is my fault?" "You're upset." "Why don't you sit back down and have something to drink?" "You're gonna try to blame this on me." "No way." "Screw you." " What are you doing?" " What do you think I'm doing," " you moron?" "I'm calling the police!" " Don't do that." "Put that down." "I always said the worst mistake I ever made in my life was having you." " Perfect timing." " Mrs. Scavo, what are you doing here?" "Are you okay?" "Oh, my gosh, you're trembling and..." " I'm just..." "I was on my way out." " Then I'll make this quick." "Tom and I have been talking, and... we would like it if you would move in with us." "I know it's a big change, but you've gotta get out of here, Eddie." "This isn't a healthy situation." "I guess it could be better." "Is she passed out?" "This is what I'm talking about." "This is why you need to get out of here." "I mean, look at her... dead drunk." "I'll come live with you." "Great." "So just pack your bags and come on over." "I hope you like meat loaf." "You want me to come in and help you, or do you want me to come back later" " to talk to her?" " Believe me, Mrs. Scavo, she wouldn't hear a word." "There is a house in the town of Fairview." "Inside this house lives a monster..." "The kind who kills women." "You may wonder how a monster like that came to be." "The answer is simple..." "Monsters are created... by other monsters."