"And I'm gonna make a choice." "I am." "When?" "Soon." "Honest." " I've got something to tell you." " Me too." "I got you a present." "He fell on the floor, Jal." "There was blood in his ear." "I didn't know what to do." "I love you too." "It's a secret." "Don't tell Jal." "You said you knew about it because of the hereditary aspect." "The brother." "The brother died of the same thing." "CASSIE" ""I know I was all right on Friday when I got up." ""If anything I was feeling more stolid than usual." ""When I went out to the kitchen to get breakfast" ""Ainsley was there, moping." ""She said she had been to a bad party the night before." ""After the first minute I was surprised to find my feet moving," ""wondering how they had begun." ""But I didn't stop." ""The rest of them were so astonished..." "Hello?" "No, he doesn't like grapes." "For fuck's sake, don't neck them all, you tit." "Pass me a grape, Anwar." "Hey, mate." "Do you want some spliff?" ""'I think I ought to tell you something', she said softly." ""His dark eyes opened and looked up at her vacantly." ""'That's your problem then', he said." ""'At last I know what I really want to be." ""She pulled her face away and gazed down at him." ""His eyes were closed." "He was gazing serenely at the ceiling." ""I took a quick drink of water." ""I couldn't imagine Ainsley making a miscalculation." ""Being a person is too complicated." "I don't believe you." ""She wasn't smiling." ""'Why are you so interested in me, Miss?" ""'Oh, they're immortal'," ""she said quietly." ""'It's only a cake.'"" "Where's Jal?" "She was here, Chris." "Yeah?" "When?" "You were sleepy." "Yeah?" "Hey, what happened to my grapes?" "Anwar ate them." "Yeah, well, he's a bloody grapist." "Feels funny, this." "Funny?" "Yeah, Cass." "I think you'd feel quite funny if they'd stuck a tube up from your balls to your brain." "Jal knows how to change the, um... thing." "She went to her call-back at music college." "Right." "I didn't watch, did I, when they were doing it." "Maybe you should have stayed in hospital, Chris." "Nah, bollocks." "Had to get home, didn't I?" "Chris, are you allowed spliff?" "Allowed?" "What are you talking about?" " You were dead." " Mmm." "Yup." "Properly dead." "Three minutes." "If you can survive that, a couple of doobies can't hurt." "You want me to take a look?" "Cassie, I've got a hole right by my balls." "Well, an extra hole..." "I've seen your balls so many times I've lost count." " Like when?" " Like when you were using them to impersonate Mick Hucknall from Simply Red." "You've gotta admit, that resemblance is uncanny." "Come on." "Let me look." "We'll fix you up in no time." "Boxers, Chris." "Looks fine." "Of course, but, er... what about the wound?" "Tell me about Jal at the hospital again." "She sat beside you the whole time." "The whole time." "Never left me." "She never left you." "What, not even to go for a wazz?" "No, Chris." "She had to go for a waz." "Yeah." "Yeah, she loves me." "Yup." "Love conquers all, do you know that?" "I bet it even conquers a genetically acquired subarachnoid haemorrhage." "That would be good." "I should have told her." "When my brother died they said that forewarned was forearmed." "If I got into trouble they could fix it." "So why didn't you tell anyone?" " I told you didn't I?" " Jal, Chris." "Well, I took blood pressure pills." "They said that'd stop it." " You took lots of other pills too." " I like pills, OK?" "Never thought it would actually happen." "There's lots of things you never think will happen." "Like that, Chris!" "Hello, old friend..." "It's all right." "I'm glad it... works." "Goodbye, old friend." "Um, do we..." "Do we tell Jal about the... about the donger?" "Or is that a secret?" "You shouldn't have secrets, Chris." " Neither of you should." " Right." "Because we love each other." "Because you love each other." "Sleeping." "You're not ill and hiding it from me, are you, Sid?" "No." "I'm stupid and hiding it from you." "Do you mind?" "No." "Also I've got a nasty boil on my bum and I was hoping you wouldn't notice." "Too late." "That's not nice." "No." "Going to my exam." "Is Jal here?" "No." "Who's looking after Chris?" "You are." "Right." "What do I do?" "Oh, just change his dressing." "He's still a bit confused so he'll probably think that I already changed it today, but just ignore that." "Right." "Where is this dressing?" "Oh, he'll show you." "Don't let him do it himself, no matter what he says." "It's much better if somebody else... handles it." "All right." "OK." "What do you have to say to me?" "Um..." "I'm sorry I'm such a tit?" "No." "My life never made sense to me until I met you." "No." "I never really loved Michelle and it was all a terrible mistake and I must have misheard her when she said that I was the best lay ever and she really, really wasn't that great in bed." "No." "Good luck in your exam." "Thanks." "What do you have to say to me?" "I'll love you forever, Sid." "You will?" "Yes." "That's the problem." "You may turn over your papers." "Chris?" " You all right, Sid?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "I thought you were..." "I gotta change your dressing." "Oh, no." "It's fine." "Cassie did it earlier." "Course she has." "Sid?" " Yeah, just let me handle it." " No fucking way." "I'll smack you." " I'm just trying to help you..." " I've told him." "He's not listening." "He's not listening to me." "Here we go." "You're gonna love this." "Cassie?" "Yes?" "You're 43 minutes into a two-hour philosophy A level paper and I'm pretty sure you haven't written anything yet." "No." "Cassie..." "Everybody else has finished exams and started their holidays." "Here I am running a re-scheduled exam especially for you." "So, are you going to write anything?" "I'm not sure." "What about?" "How long I can put off starting to write and still get an A." "Is it possible to truly enjoy power?" "Sorry?" "It's question three." "I'm not supposed to help you with your exam." "I stopped eating and then everyone had to do what I said." "That was powerful." "And did you enjoy that?" "I think it was the happiest time of my life." "But I had to stop before I died, because  otherwise it wasn't fun." "You wouldn't understand." "You're wrong, Cassie." "Did you cut yourself too?" "People will do anything to..." "People will do anything to work out why they feel bad, won't they?" "And did you?" "Work it out?" "Like I said," "I'm not supposed to help you with your exam." "I want you to tell me!" "What?" "How to stop bad things happening." "Doesn't work, does it?" "That's why you have to start eating again." "I fell in love." "Ah, love." "Why cut yourself when you can be in love?" "You think passing an exam will make me happy?" "Cassie, passing exams generally only makes life more complicated." "But there's lots of other stuff that makes things bearable, and you don't even have to use a knife." "Like?" "Disco." "Yes, hi Martin." "Are you on security?" "Come on, Doug." "One blast, then Cassie's gonna write." "Bye." "Hey, Cass!" "How'd it go?" "Fine." "What are you doing?" "Well, er..." "I got hungry, like real hungry, and so Sid went to get stuff." "Hey!" "You've finished!" "Congrats." " What happened?" " That was me." "Reflex action." "Yeah, seems he didn't need his balls arranging after all." "Funny." "Thanks." "You're... cooking." "Yep, we're celebrating." "I'm in love, exams are over, and he's alive." "I'm al-i-ve!" "I thought, "Fuck it, let's make a night of it."" "How?" "Hi, Cassie." "Cassie, listen." "Come on." "Forget it, Sid." "I'm going." "This is fucking ridiculous." "Is she here yet?" "I've gotta tell you, mate." "Top notch." "Mmmm, it's mega." "Fucking A, Sid." "Fucking A plus." "A double plus!" "It's the vanilla, isn't it?" " Maybe not that great with meatballs." " Fuck." "It's fine, Sid." "I've never had cherries and nuts in Smash before." " Bit of bite." " Great, yeah." "Love it." "So... all pals together." "At a dinner party." "Just like grown-ups." "Let it go, Cass." "We're just trying to get on." "Normally, I'd say "Let's stick some hash in the meatballs."" "But these have a kick all by themselves!" "Amaretto." "It was on special offer." "So, Michelle." "What's the plan?" "You going to get back together with Tony now?" "All lovey?" "Just like before?" "We're trying not to make a thing of it, OK?" "All pals again." "Smashing!" "Anyway, you and Sid, you know..." "It all came out right, yeah?" "And I'm properly forgetting that I ever saw Michelle's breasts." " Or her pants..." " Yes, Sid." "Or the freckle on the inside of..." "I've gone too far again, haven't I?" "Yes." "Mostly we're just happy that Chris is all right." "OK, Cass?" "Yes." "I'm all right!" "Everyone's seen Michelle's breasts." " And that freckle on her fa..." " That's not the one I meant." "Would it be helpful if I say I love you again?" "He loves you, Cass." "Which university are you going to if you get your grades?" " Cardiff." " And you?" "York." "You two must really love each other." "Like hardcore." "I dunno, Cass." "I guess we're..." "So tell me what the point is." " I didn't apply to univer..." " Yeah?" "Well, I did." "You're all full of crap." "I'm going to bed." "Do you want me to come?" "Yes, Sid." "I want you to come." "Think I'm gonna go." "I'm sorry about what happened, Cassie." "I fucked up." "Tony fucked up." "Sid fucked up." "Jal's fucked up worse than any of us but it doesn't have to turn to shit." "And you just put up with that?" "Grow up, Cass." "That's it." "I'm never putting vanilla in anything ever again." " Shall I come with you?" " Yeah." " Come on, let's just go." " Right." "Guys?" "How's Jal fucked up?" "Sorry, the train was late and..." "What've you done?" "I don't know why I am the way I am." " It's all right." " No, it's not all right." "Something makes me hate everything." "Everything." "That's what I like about you, Sid." "You never try to explain things..." "No." "I probably would if I could." "We're finished." "Do you realise that?" "Finished?" "Two weeks from today we get our results and it's all over." "We're grown up." "We've made it." "Done." "That's good, isn't it?" "Everything ends badly." "It doesn't have to." "No?" "I've got you." "Don't you wish you could go back to when you hadn't lost anything?" "Everything's in the future." "More shit to happen, that's all." "I love you." "I'm here now." "That's the best I've got, Cass." "Let's... never go." "I wanna stay here." "I don't want to go." "I might have..." "I might have to go." "Don't." "She told you." "Yeah." "She tried to tell you before." "I know." "It's gonna be OK, though." "Talked it through." "We talked a lot." "And?" "I'm not really qualified to be a dad." "I don't know what they do." "And, um..." "She's gonna be famous, Cass." "I mean, she's gonna be great." "Fucking mega." " I'm not exactly A plus..." " You're A plus, Chris." "She just doesn't want a baby." "No, I know." "I'm on her side." "She's all I got, so  I'm on her side." "Where's Sid?" "He went to do his milk round." "I think he likes having all that milk." "Cool." "Lots of milk." "A truckload." "All he can drink." "He's a lucky man." "Nonstop glugging." " He'll be chucking it down." " He's milktastic." " Milkulous." " He's a milkionaire." "Tea?" "Tea." "Do you live up there?" "Yes..." "Do you know Christopher?" "Yes, I live with him." "Girlfriend?" "No." "No, I just live with..." "Who are you?" "I just heard something about him." "He was in hospital." "But he's better now." "He's not better." "No, really." "He's fine." "You're her." "You're Chris's mum." "You should see him." " Please, come in and see him." " His brother died." "Peter died." "And they say..." "Chris might." " Chris might..." " He's better!" "He's fine." "Tell him  I couldn't stand it." "No, don't go!" "Chris!" "Ay-up." "When's Jal getting back?" "Tomorrow." "She said she wants me to think about things." "You could make her change her mind  if you wanted to." "Listen, Cass." "When a woman of that calibre is prepared to get her tits out for you, you don't mess it up on purpose." "Ah, romantic." "Ta." "I fucking love her." "That's it." "Anyway..." "You went to make tea six hours ago." "Oh!" "Yes..." "I got the milk." "I was talking to  to someone outside..." "Yeah, well, that's all very interesting, but it's not gonna make my tea, is it?" "And girls who won't make my tea do not ever get to see my cock again, and that is what you call social deprivation." "You cheeky, sexist fucker!" "I am, I'm a sexy fucker!" "Yeah?" "Well, I'm gonna wash your big fucking mouth out!" " Ah!" "Jesus Christ!" "Watch it!" " Oh, my god!" "Christ!" "Fuck!" "Chris, I forgot!" "Jesus!" "Is it OK?" "Oh, yes!" "Shit!" "You bastard!" "And, I'm still awaiting my tea, Wenchy." "Wenchy?" "Yeah." "Wenchy Foozy-Moo." "You were right about Adam Sandler." "He is quite sweet if you keep the sound down." "Nah, yeah, he's cool..." "Look." "He's gonna piss on himself again!" "Oh!" "Forgot..." "I got something for you." "Yeah?" "Stole it on Park Street." "Smart." "You were gonna tell me who you were talking to outside." "Cass?" "Oh, cool!" "Oh, man!" "Fucking A, man!" "Chris, I've been thinking about secrets." "Here comes the Monkey Man!" "Sometimes you have to keep them." "In case someone got hurt." "Oh, I can't wait to show this to, um..." "Show it to, um..." "Cass?" "Show it to, um..." "My girlfriend, what's her name?" "Don't be stupid!" "Spliff, I..." "I feel a bit..." "Shit." "Chris?" "Chris, you OK?" "Come on!" "Fuck!" "Come on!" "Help!" "Please help." "He needs help!" "Number 4..." "Lewis Gate block!" "They're coming, Chris!" "Got it  Jal  got it..." "Hey kid." "Where you headin'?" "Where you headin'?" "I don't'know..." "Somewhere nice." " Yo, Earl!" " Yeah?" "The lady wants to go someplace nice, man." "Tell her to get the fuck out of this neighbourhood!" "Thank you, Frank." "Where are you going now?" "I haven't decided." "Well, decide to eat." "You gotta eat." "Here." "Look up there on the right." "Martha serves chilli on Tuesdays, blow your balls off!" "Yeah." "Hey, what the fuck you looking at, man?" "You should eat that." "It's good." "I... think I'm hungry, but then I'm not." "Tell you what..." "Skip it." "This is so..." "It's nice of you." "Sure it is." "I take all this leftover food after my shift." "Nobody wants it." "Guess they know I'm from Iowa." "Where's that?" "Over there." "About a thousand miles." "Boy, you're raw, aren't you?" "Tired, mainly." "Just tired." "The bed's through there." "Hey, be my guest." "I'm wired after work." "Hey." "You found the shower." "I just got back." "Hope you don't mind but, you've been sleeping for two days and I usually try to do..." "Two days?" "Where did you...?" "Couch." "Anyway, I'll..." "No, it's OK." "Please." "Well, I just got to fix these pictures up a little, then..." "Did you tell me your name?" "Yeah, couple of times." "It's Adam." "And you're Cassie." "Hi." "Again." "Hi." "The pictures." "Does anyone see them?" "No way." "I'm just your New York cliche." "Waiting, waiting." "Who's that in the photos?" "She takes a good picture." "Is she your girlfriend?" "For a while, um..." "But she's, er... she's gone now." "Adam?" "Yeah?" "I don't really want to fuck you, if that's OK." " I didn't say..." " I thought you'd..." "No, you needed somewhere to sleep, right?" " Yes." " So, it's cool." "Stay here as long as you want." "Till whatever's going down is over." "It won't ever be over." "Yes, it will." "Do you like to dance?" "It's two in the morning." "You guys don't go out in England?" "Come on!" "I don't think I can." "Come on!" "No." "No!" "Put me down!" "Don't!" "Get out of my way!" "Boy, you can run." "I'm fucked up." "Yeah." "I ran away." "No." "I thought Americans didn't do irony." "It's Manhattan." "It's different." "Don't you want to know what I did?" "Would it change anything?" "No." "So..." "Let's go." "Do they have boats on this river?" " No." " There!" "You did it again!" "Don't worry." "He's OK." "I won't touch." "Dear Cassie," "I went away for a while." "Get some snaps." "Stay here for as long as you want." "It was nice knowing you." "Adam." "I need answers, Cassie." "I need answers right now!" "Tony." "Tony!" " I'm not ready for this." " For what?" "This." "I am the resurrection and the life." "I don't want you at the funeral." "Any of you." "What are you doing here?" "I always loved you the best, Sid."