"(Birdsong)" "(♪ Loud music)" "O, how much more doth beauty beauteous seem, by that sweet ornament which truth doth give?" "The rose looks fair, but fairer we it deem, for that sweet odour which doth in it live." "That's not bad that." "Tink, is it, hm?" "Not bad at all." "Right." "It wouldn't fool an expert, but, er, you never know when a sonnet by Shakespeare might come in useful." "(Horn)" "Afternoon, Milady." "Is he here and is he ready or neither?" "Both." "Dinner jacket?" " Where you two going?" " It's a secret, Tink." "Lovejoy, you hold no secrets from me." "I meant it's a secret from me, Tink." "Drive on, ma'am." "He won't be a problem, will he, Charlie?" "Lovejoy?" "A mere bagatelle, my dear Magnus, a mere bagatelle." "So, tell me about Henrietta Horsham." "Known as Hattie." "You'll adore her, Lovejoy." "She was captain of the lacrosse team, after all." "Oh, then, we'll get on famously." "Hattie and her father, Peter, live in a nice little house in the country with Hattie's granny, Mabel, who's about 400 years old and indestructible." "There's a fabulous longcase clock that Peter wants to show you." "His pride and joy." " Then they're expecting me?" " They're all expecting you, Lovejoy." "Yeah..." "That's a nice little house." "Chas, darling!" "Hattie, darling" " It's been yonks." " Ages." "Is that him?" "Lovejoy?" " Yeah?" " Meet Hattie." "Hello, Hattie." "Lovejoy, thrilled." "Ever so." "Come, meet Papa." "Papa." "Papa, you remember Charlotte." "My dear." "Peter, how lovely to see you again." "You do look well." "Don't be polite, charlotte, I look dreadful." " And Lovejoy." " How do you do, Mr. Lovejoy?" "No mister, Papa, just Lovejoy." " Peter Horsham." " Oh, Peter, please." "I'll show you to your rooms." "That's a..." "Chas, this is your room." "Lovejoy, you're next door." "Divine to see you both." "Dinner in an hour." "(Knocks on door)" "It's me." "Masters of discretion, the Victorians." "As is your friend Hattie, who I'm growing fonder of by the minute." "Now I want to show you something." "Oh, yes!" "What a fabulous bed!" "Whose is it" " Granny's?" "Queen Victoria's." "She used to stay for the odd weekend." "Oh, so they let visitors use it, do they?" "Hm?" "See you at dinner." "Beautiful house." "About to be wined and dined." "Bedrooms with interconnecting doors." "What more could you ask for a romantic weekend?" "She planned this really well." "Lovejoy?" "Lovely figures around here, Charlotte." "Who are all these people?" "Husbands... and boyfriends." "Whose husbands and boyfriends?" "The class of '73." "Charterslee School for Girls." "You just brought me here to parade me in front of all your lacrosse friends, didn't you?" "You flatter yourself, Lovejoy." "I brought you here to look at the clock." "Charlotte?" "Samantha!" "Hello, darling." "How... are you?" " Very well, and you?" " You look lovely." "Yes, I'm fine." "Is that your husband?" "No, no!" "(Laughs)" "No, this is Lovejoy." " A friend?" " Yes, a friend." "Hello, I'm Samantha..." "Drake-Pemberton." "Single." "(Man) Dinner is served." "So, Lovejoy, was your family ever in tea?" "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that?" "I was merely inquiring, Lovejoy, whether your family was ever in tea?" "Drank it, never in it." "Lovejoy, I've been dying for you to tell all the girls your little secret." "What's it really like to be sent to prison?" "Was it, um... very rough?" "Well, at times, but, you soon learn a thing or two when you share a cell with a tattooed biker," " called Mavis." " (Laughs)" "What?" "You certainly captured your audience." " What're you talking about?" " Fibber!" "Fibber?" "Charlotte, what do you mean?" "Since when was open prison worse than a convict ship to Australia?" " Well, this is me." " This is me." "Ah!" " A fabulous evening, eh, Timmy?" " Mm." " Well, good night, Charlotte." " Good night." " Sleep well." " And you." "(Laughs)" "Hello, Lovejoy." "Oh, great minds think alike, eh?" "I, er... take it you're alone?" "(Lovejoy) I find you very attractive, I really do, but I don't..." " Samantha?" " (Samantha laughs)" "But you..." "Samantha, you're not being fair." "You're really not." "Now look..." " What if I was antique?" " Not at all." " These walls are terribly thin." " Make me." "I'll look you up when I'm in London." "I promise, honestly, Samantha." "Please, good night." "Bye." "Whoo!" "Charlotte?" "Charlotte?" "(Knocks) It's me." " (Sighs)" " Charlotte?" "This is an 18th century Sevres vase, 1772, painted in the Rococo taste of..." "Excuse me, could you tell me where the bathroom is?" "Ah, first on the right." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "Bye, thank you." " Bye!" "Morning, Charlotte, sleep well?" " Shouldn't I have done?" "Funny thing happened on my way to the bathroom." "Not interested." "I didn't realize this place was owned" " by the Suffolk Heritage Trust." " Really?" "Something you didn't know?" "I think we should start again, don't you?" "I'll try it again." "Bye." "Good morning Charlotte, sleep well?" "Well, I don't know, Lovejoy." "How did you sleep?" "Well, I didn't sleep too badly considering..." "You never took my card, Lovejoy." "Bye, darling." "Lovely to see you." "Be good." "See you in another ten years, Samantha." " Charlotte, you don't think anything..." " I don't really..." "Daddy's dying to show you his clock." "18th century longcase." "It's beautiful." "When my wife died five years ago, we sold up to the Suffolk Heritage Trust, but we couldn't bring ourselves to let that go." "It's been in the family for 200 years." "But now you're curious to find out how much it's worth?" "More than curious." "I've now decided to sell it." "Well, it's only a piece of furniture, isn't it?" "The truth is, Lovejoy, we're flat broke." " Hattie!" " We're amongst friends, papa." "I'm afraid we owe rather a lot of money to the tax man." "How much do you need?" "20,000 would enable us to stay in this house a few years longer." "At least it would see my mother out." "Mabel Horsham, my mother." "18th century longcase, a Dutch marquetry longcase." "Well, Peter, it's not worth £20,000." "Sorry about that." "Nowhere near, in fact." "There's some extra holes up here... which is where the original movement would've been attached." "And, see down here, these scrapings have been made by this pendulum, but there's another set below, which means... the casing's original, the works ain't." "What is it worth, then?" " About eight thousand pounds." " Oh, dear." "Anything else you can sell?" "Only the clothes I stand up in." "As I said, we sold almost everything." "These are nice." "Those were made specially for my grandfather." "We were each of us left a set, my brothers and I." "Victorian enamel." "Worth about £1,500." "Oh." "This..." "This fish could be worth a few thousand, you know." "(Laughs) You're joking!" "That old thing?" "Just last year a plaster cast of a Scottish salmon was sold for £7,000." "Mind you, it was a prize catch with a known history." "Oh, but so is that, Lovejoy." "Our friend was an extremely notorious fish." "He was landed in 1917." "And do you know who by?" "My mother, Mabel Horsham." "Morning." "Good morning." "Lovejoy not about then?" "Well, give him that for me, would you, Tinker, there's a good chap." "Oh, give him that, there's a good chap." "And I wouldn't hang about while he's opening it, if I were you." "(Kettle whistling)" "Beth, what you doing?" "17-year-old Miss Mabel Barraclough with her prize catch." "Measuring three foot nine and weighing 47 pounds, the pike was later discovered to have swallowed a bracelet, that allegedly belonged to the famous dancer, Miss Isadora Duncan." "That makes our friend here a celebrity fish." "Now, if we can prove this story, we may be in business." "Do we know who stuffed this?" "H. Linklater, Ipswich." "Ah, shame it wasn't W.F. Homer." "He was a famous fish taxidermist." "Famous for bending the glass right round the corners." "Um, what're you trying to say, Lovejoy?" "What I'm saying is, I don't know much about stuffing fish." "Are you sure you want to sell this, Peter?" "I'd rather you asked Mabel that." "Barraclough Hall, Barraclough, Norfolk." "Simple enough." "Kate Henshal, you are a peach." "Bye-bye." "News of this magnitude must be delivered in person." " Well then." " No, Beth, you stay behind, clean up after our handiwork, and whatever you do, don't let Charlie back in." "Oh, yes, Isadora..." "Miss Duncan, she was a frequent visitor." "She wasn't what one called a beauty, but when she danced, oh, what grace was there." "Was she dancing by the lake when the bracelet fell in?" "(Laughs) No, she was having a furious argument with a young gentleman, and threw the bracelet he'd given her into the water, but she was most grateful when the bracelet reappeared, and father returned it to her." "She was always broke, poor girl." "Did you catch that enormous pike all by yourself, Mrs. Horsham?" "I most certainly did, young man." "Hook, line and sinker." "But you may dispose of it on Peter's behalf, if you wish." " Lovejoy?" " Excuse me." " Tink!" " Love letter from Charlie Gimbert." "This isn't gonna make my weekend, is it?" "No, it's not, it's an eviction notice." "Good afternoon, ma'am." "Well, he's been very generous, he's given me till noon next Friday to find a new home." "Come on, Tink, let's sort this out." "Goodbye, ladies." "Talk to you later." "I'll call you, Charlotte." "Bye, Hattie, bye, Mrs. Horsham." "It's not the Middle Ages, Lovejoy." "Tenants do have rights." "Yeah, tenants do have rights." "Trouble is, I'm not a tenant." "Eh?" "There's no written agreement, Tink." "But you pay rent." "Cash in hand." "Gentlemen's agreement." "You made a gentlemen's agreement with Charlie Gimbert?" " You're going soft in your old age." " I know, I know." "Of course, the committee would never have the audacity to assume your interest in the cause, Mr. Gimbert, but, erm, Lady Felsham always found herself able to provide space for the occasion, and, um, a little something to kick off the fund with." "And what would be a little something?" "Two thousand." "(Car approaching)" "Excuse me, please." "One thousand?" "Lovejoy, thank God you've arrived." "What are you up to, Charlie?" "You will not credit what's going on in there." "Not only do they want to turn it into Alton Towers for a day, they're demanding that I give them £2,000 to supervise their launching fund." "Good, well, I want you to take back this eviction notice." "I'm sick to death of being taken as a soft touch for every bleeding heart Liberal good cause that gets invented, and I've had more than I can take of," ""Lady Felsham gave this" and "Lady Felsham gave that"." "Go and bloody well ask Lady Felsham then!" " What are you talking about, Charlie?" " Look, this is why I'm selling Felsham Hall." "You see?" "I've had enough!" "I no longer want to be lord of the manor." "I've had enough." "Oh, it was fun for while, while it lasted." "But not any more, oh, no." "No, no, come Friday, midday, they'll be in here, the prospective buyers, measuring up, that sort of thing." "You will be gone by then, won't you, Lovejoy?" "Bless you, because I don't want this to become a thing between us." "I don't want this to split us up in any way." "Oh no, oh no." "Oh, well, once more into the fray." " What if..." " Yeah?" " No." " Go on." " No." " Go on." "No, no, it would require acts of arson and kidnapping." "Maybe not then." " How about we..." " Just a sec, Beth." "Tinker, Charlie mentioned buyers, didn't he?" "Buyers, which means groups, maybe business consortiums." "What else did he say?" " Friday, measuring up, that sort of thing." " Measuring up, that sort of thing." "Buyers measuring up indicates changes." "What do changes require?" "Planning permission." "Where does one find out about planning permission?" "Public Records office at Kiverton." "And who's got a friend in the Public Records office in Kiverton?" " I have." " You have." "Selling Felsham Hall?" "Yeah." " That's appalling." " Isn't it?" "Anyway, there's nothing I can do about it till Monday, so I thought I'd pop back." "I wouldn't bother." "Sunday's spoiled already." "Spoiled - who spoiled it?" "Oh, you mean apart from inviting Samantha into your room?" "She barged her way in and I barged her out again." " 0h, really?" " Yes, really." "Anyway, I've gotta come back and collect the fish and my evening suit." " Not necessarily in that order." " Don't bother." "I'll bring them both to Linklater's tomorrow." "See you there, 11 o'clock sharp." "Treat them mean." "And then of course, there was the dancing." "Pity you missed it, Lovejoy." " (Bell)" " Dancing?" "Nah, don't believe it." "Some of this lot have got more life than your old school chums." "Shop!" "Yes?" "One of yours?" "My grandfather stuffed all sorts, from aardvarks to zebras." "But with fish, he would rather make a plaster cast or even a wood carving." "Stuffing a fellow of this size was no mean feat, I can assure you." "Of course, you don't get fish of this size these days, do you?" "Not with all this pollution about." "Mr. Linklater, do you have any proof that this fish is who it says it is?" "Um... perhaps I could leave you my number?" " Then if you find anything..." " Here it is." "July 15th, 1917, Miss Mabel Barraclough, Barraclough Hall, Suffolk." "To stuff and mount said pike, two pounds thirteen and sixpence." "She's a lovely girl, I'll say that." " What's that?" " Pretty figure." "How much do you want for her?" "I don't want money, Lawrence." "Don't be ridiculous, you always want money." "Well, if you insist, but..." "what I really want is information." " Oh." " Publicly available information, I hasten to add." "But I need it in a hurry which is why I brought erm... erm..." "Bribe is the word you're after, Tinker." "Ferocious looking chap, eh?" "What do you think, Miss Frobisher?" "We do have the provenance, don't we?" "Newspaper article, taxidermist's records." "I don't see why Mr. Pike." "Here can't fetch something in the region of two and half, even three thou." "We'll find out soon enough." "The next sale's the day after tomorrow." "I'll be there." "I need to make a phone call." "Pay phone in the corridor." "Excuse me." " Here are some pictures for reference." " Ah!" "Do try and bring him in as early as poss, won't you." "Our regulars like to have a thorough browse and probe before the off." "Don't worry, Lovejoy doesn't mind the occasional early start." " Oh, actually, I was referring to the fish." " Oh!" "A health farm?" "Yes." "Can you imagine anything more frightful?" "Compulsory exercises, no booze and salads." "Yes, I can, but I didn't pay 500 quid a week for the privilege." "Wonder how Charlie got involved in this?" "He patronizes one of the dreadful places himself." "It's called The Ferns." "Tinker, what would I do without you?" "Oh." "Is Charlie just gonna sell Felsham Hall or is he going in the health farm..." "Oh!" "Hello." "Love letters?" ""My dearest darling Mabel," ""it seems a lifetime since we were together in each other's arms," ""and my heart aches more with each slow passing day that I cannot be with you." ""I can neither sleep nor wake without your pretty face appearing like a vision before me," ""but let us see each other soon, my sweet, I beg you," ""or else my heart should break with missing you." ""Your ever loving devoted Billy."" ""My dearest darling Mabel," ""my beloved and most cherished angel, your letter has filled me with the most terrible fear." ""Do you really think we ought never to meet again as you say?" ""Why must we allow the opinions of others to destroy our future?" ""Write soon, I beg you, your ever loving Billy."" "Perhaps she never saw him again." " Mm." " You're crying." "I'm not crying." "Yes, you are, there's distinct moisture around your eyes." " I'm not crying." "Don't be ridiculous." " You are." "You're crying." "I'm not crying, but if I was, would that be so terrible?" "We're all scared to show our emotions." "That's the trouble with today's world." "Oh, I see, you're admitting it, you are crying." "That's not what I said." "If I was crying, I would admit it, but in this particular instance, Charlotte..." "Oh, for goodness' sake!" "I wasn't crying." "So, this is where Charlie goes, is it, Tink?" "And it's his name on the planning application to make changes to Felsham Hall, along with this Magnus?" "Magnus McNulty, whoever he is." "He's probably got something to do with The Ferns." "Charlie goes here." "Magnus must go here." "I think it's time you went here, Tink." " Me?" "!" " Mm." "I'll go with you, it'll be fun." "Fun?" "!" "Why don't you go?" "I've gotta see a man about a fish." "Ah!" "No, no!" "We do this properly or not at all." "Come on." "Good morning." "Major Dill, I presume." " And this must be..." " My..." " Niece." "...niece." "Of course." "Welcome to The Ferns." "There's nothing to be frightened of." "Do you think I could have a medicinal sherry?" "(Laughs)" ""With what mingled joy and sorrow do I take up the pen" ""to write to my dearest friend."" "Hello, Hattie." "You remember Lovejoy, grandmamma." "Of course I do, dear girl." "I'm not senile." "Mrs. Horsham." "Would you read to me, Lovejoy?" "A change of voice would be refreshing." "Would you?" "I've masses to do." "It'll be a pleasure." "Thank you." "The pike!" "I'd forgotten." "He was a gentleman, was Billy." "Not by birth, but by demeanor." "He was a good worker too, on the estate." "But he was dismissed, along with his father, when our..." "liaison was discovered." "My family..." "my family disapproved most strongly." "You see, Billy and I came from different worlds." "It would never have worked out between us." "So, I had to turn my back on him." "Do you know what happened to him?" "What happened to the seed of Europe?" "I'm told he received his papers soon after his last letter to me, to which I never replied." "He died at Passchendaele." "I've no regrets about Billy and me." "In life you have to seize the moment, Lovejoy." "Death doesn't wait for the timid." "This is where we caught the pike." "We?" "Billy and me." "You don't think I could've caught that monster all by myself, do you?" "Would you mind?" "No." "No, I'd be... delighted." ""My darling Mabel..."" " Ow!" " Ah, there you are, Major Dill." "I've had your doctor on the phone and he has advised me that under no circumstances are we to allow you to eat anything other than bulgur wheat and root vegetables." "My doctor?" " Dr. Lovejoy." " (Laughs)" "Miss Whittaker, does Charlie Gimbert stay here often?" "Why, yes, do you know him?" "Oh, no, he's a friend of Uncle's." "Oh, and another member " "Mcneil..." "Mc..." "Mcsomething." "Magnus McNulty?" "(Laughs)" "Magnus isn't a member, he works here." "He's the membership and accounts administrator." "Charming man, Mr. Gimbert." "I didn't know you were acquainted." "I'll let you have a double helping of live yoghurt for breakfast, Major Dill." "(Dog barking)" "(Beeps horn)" "Charlotte!" "Charlotte!" "(Knock on door)" "Come in, Beth." "Charlotte?" "Charlotte, I've been thinking..." "about you and me." "Seize the moment." "That's what Mabel says." "Death doesn't wait for the timid." "And she's right, she's absolutely right." "She and Billy had to go for it." "Six weeks later he was dead, wasn't he?" "Planning on going to war, Lovejoy?" "Charlotte, you know what I'm trying to say." "I'm not sure that I want to get involved with you." "The second time is more significant than the first, and if we sleep together again, it must mean that we both really mean it," " and I'm not sure that you really mean it." " Oh, I do." "I really do." "Why don't you get in the truck and I'll give you a lift home?" "You must be exhausted." "Charlotte!" "Charlotte!" "Charlotte!" "Get that... (Beeps horn)" "O, how much more doth beauty beauteous seem, by that sweet ornament which truth doth give?" "The rose looks fair, but fairer we it deem for that sweet odour which doth in it live." "(Laughs)" "Shakespeare wrote that." "I know Shakespeare wrote that." "Oh, no..." "Shakespeare wrote that." "You mean?" "It's for you, Shelia." "Oh, Tinker... (Phone)" "Major Dill's suite." "I'm awfully sorry, you'll have to tell him that Major Dill is dead." " My doctor." " (Laughs)" "(Bangs gavel)" "£350 for this fine Silex reel." "Thank you." "Next, lot 18." "It's a beautiful example of a Linklater glass-fronted case..." "Some of these punters were showing serious interest, so..." "Let's hope." "...start the bidding for this splendid fellow." "Can I say two thousand pounds?" "I'm in your hands, ladies and gentlemen." "One thousand pounds?" "500?" "Thank you, sir." "It's a low bid, but it's a start." "Thank you." "550?" "550 to the lady with the beads." "Any advance on 550?" "600?" "Didn't even make its reserve." "Sorry, Peter." "Leave it with me, eh?" "No, Lovejoy, you've done enough." "No, I'll make this work." "Sorry, Hattie." "Thanks for trying, Lovejoy." "Dr. Lovejoy." "You're looking very healthy for a corpse, Tink." "Never better, old bean." "So, there's a lot to be said for the right food and exercise, eh?" "Oh, volumes, old chap, volumes." "Been fishing?" " So talk to me." " You were right." "McNulty and Charlie want to turn Felsham Hall into a health farm." "The financial backing is all in place." "For Felsham Hall, Charlie gets two million quid, shares in the company and a seat on the board." "Figured." "We've got two days to scare these buyers off, right." "By the way, our little stay at The Ferns didn't cost a penny." "It's amazing what you can buy with a Shakespearian sonnet." "I want you to see your friend Lawrence again, Tink." "I want him to find out if a town or village ever stood on this land, and if that town or village was ever granted rights which might've fallen out of use over the years, rights which might be revived, you know." "Odds are about a thousand to one against." "Let's cut those odds, let's make that description fit any village anywhere in Suffolk." "Hm?" "(Man) Mr. Loveboy, I've found something might interest you." "0h, Linklater here, by the way." "It's another fish." "I mean, the same fish." "My grandfather did a wood carving of that same pike you brought in for a Mr. William Jones." "(Beep)" " (Beeping)" " Billy." "Grandfather must've done the wood carving a few weeks later." "He wouldn't have had the fish." "He carved it from memory, right?" "Right, which is why it's worth more, of course." "If the two fish could be sold together as a pair, that would be a real collector's item." "William Jones, 51 Fleet Road, Colchester." "You're talking about a priceless historical document." "You um... only wanna take some photos, that right?" "And there's nothing illegal you got in mind?" "You see, what you don't understand about women, Lovejoy, is that we assume men are insincere until they're proven otherwise." "For men, though, it's the other way round." "That's a very cynical view, Beth." "I mean, I don't..." "Hello?" "Hello, is that a Mr. F.P. Jones?" "Good." "You don't know me, but I'm trying to trace the descendants of a Mr. William Jones, also known as Billy, who died in 1917." "You're not, well, sorry to have troubled you." "Thank you." "Why couldn't this fella have been called Fazackerley Curmudgely or something, instead of Jones, eh?" "(Clock chimes)" "Oh, hello." "Good morning." "Is that Hill  Harvey, Removals?" "Yes." "Is that Leslie Jones I'm speaking to?" "Oh, it's not." "Well, I'm terribly sorry to have disturbed you." " Lovejoy?" " Yeah?" "Great Moxford." "I've never heard of it." "Precisely." "In the early 1600s, the whole village of Great Moxford was wiped out by the plague." "But fortunately, the village records survived in the archives at Kiverton, where they've been under a pile of dust and rubbish for 300 years." " Until today, that is." " But look, this is even better." "Back in the 12th century, Great Moxford did loyally serve both king and country by providing a body of armed men to participate in the taking of Jerusalem, for which service the village was awarded a royal charter," "granted by Richard the Lionheart, in perpetuity." "That means forever." "Wash your hands, there's work to do, and we've only got 24 hours." "Oh." "I was just passing and wondered if you were up for a spot of lunch." "Well, that's very sweet." "I was just thinking of passing your place." "Unfortunately, you don't have time for lunch." "You've got to visit every antique shop in Colchester, and find out if they've bought or sold a wooden carving of a prize pike." " Me?" " Mm-hm." "On my own?" " Every one?" " Every one." "(Sighs) Can't you come with me?" "No." "No!" "Because as much sympathy as I have with the plight of the homeless," "I have no intention of experiencing it at firsthand." "And besides, these people we're helping, are your friends." "See you later." "(Bell)" "I tell you what you could try." "There's an angler's association in town, and they quite often buy up fishing memorabilia." "It's a bit of a long shot, I know, but..." "Don't worry..." "I'm used to those." " Beth." " (Phone)" " Here you go." " Ta." "Careful." "Tink." "Lovejoy Antiques." "Oh, hang on a minute." " Charlotte, for you." " Hi." "You need to see a Ted Forbes of 84 Amber Road, Colchester." "Phone me when you've checked him out." "I'm going home, Lovejoy." "You'll have to check him out yourself." " Mr. Forbes?" " Yes." "My name's Lovejoy." "I'm on a most unusual search." "I'd never sell it." "I know he's an ugly old brute, but he was given to my late wife by her uncle, you see." "As a wedding present, would you believe." "(Both laugh)" "Perhaps you'd like to buy the stuffed original." "They'd make a lovely pair." " Buy the original?" " Mm." " On a state pension?" " (Both laugh)" "D'you think your late wife's uncle would've known the fella who caught this fish originally " "Billy Jones?" "My wife's uncle and Billy Jones are one and the same chap." "Ah." "Billy Jones died at Passchendaele in 1917." "Whoever told you that?" "Uncle Billy..." "Visitor." "I have a story to tell you of love and sacrifice and... (Sniffs)... passion and..." "Oh, I'd be fascinated to hear that story, Lovejoy, as I would be to know why you're carrying what looks like a baby shark" " nailed to a piece of wood." " This baby shark, as you put it..." "However, I imagine you're going to be rather busy this evening, Lovejoy." "I mean, packing." "The time now being eight o'clock on a Thursday evening, leaving you precisely 16 hours to remove every last vestige of your nefarious existence from my property." "Tinker." "Beth." "As fast as your wretched little legs will carry you, thank you so much." "Did he see?" "No." "How's it going, Beth?" "Well, it's gonna take all night, I think." "So, it takes all night." "Tink, I want you to go down the Half Moon and give everybody we know a tenner, in return for a small favor." " Morning." " Oh, Hill  Harvey." "Yeah, very reputable firm." " You are Lovejoy?" " Yeah." "Well, it's today you're moving." "No, it's not, but I'd hate to see you go away empty-handed." "Oh, cheers, guv." "Beauty is truth." "Truth, beauty." "Morning, Beth." "(Beeps horn)" "Good morning, Charlie." "In half an hour, you're gonna be trespassing on the premises..." "Felsham Hall Health Resort non-executive director, C. Gimbert." "How did you know that?" "If you're trying to pull some stunt here, you better think again..." "Are these friends of yours?" "Magnus, my old friend." "Morning, Charlie." "You must be Mr. McNulty." "And you must be Lovejoy." " All set?" " Yes, all set." "This way, gentlemen." "Let's try the main house first." " Are you interested in history, Mr. McNulty?" " As it happens, yes." "Oh, I've got something here that'll grab you, then." "Really, we must press on, Magnus." "A royal charter granted to the village of Great Moxford for services rendered to the crown." "Great Moxford?" "What's Great Moxford?" "Great Moxford?" "Great Moxford is the village that used to stand on the very ground that we're standing on now." "What kind of royal charter?" " Magnus..." " It's a royal charter..." "Excuse me, Charlie." "...a royal charter granted by Richard the Lionheart to the said village, and its descendants, in perpetuity, to exercise their rights." "Rights?" "What rights?" "What are you talking about, Lovejoy?" "To exercise their rights to hold a market every second Friday in the month." "(Sheep bleating)" "Sheep market." "Great Moxford Sheep Market." "We can't have this!" "Why didn't you warn me?" "Because it's not true, because he's just invented it!" "Because he's a liar and a fraud, and this document is a forgery." "Doesn't look like a forgery to me." "Forgery!" "See?" "The original is in the public records office in Kiverton, Mr. McNulty." "See for yourself." "Why didn't you tell me about this, you stupid man?" "I love the sheep, where did you find them?" "Don't even ask." "That's that." "Come on." "Got some fish to deliver." "Uh-oh." "My friend Sheila." "I really can explain, Sheila." "When I gave you that Shakespeare sonnet, I really didn't know it was forged." "Of course you did, Tinker, and so did I, but I wasn't gonna let that spoil a perfectly good evening." "Tink..." "Shall we go?" " Shall we go?" " Oh, why not?" "What's this?" "Something's come up." "Back trouble." "A rather respectable young man that's has taken a bit of a shine to my niece." " Niece?" " (Bleating)" " Hello, Sheila." "I'm Lovejoy, by the way." " Hello." "Goodbye, Charlie!" "(Tinker) Bye, Charlie." "(Sheila) Bye, Charlie." "It's a work of art." "And worth between ten and fifteen thousand as a pair." "And Billy insists you have it... as a gift." "I couldn't possibly accept, Lovejoy." "For Mabel." "Incredible!" "I never heard of him till half an hour ago." "All these years and she never mentioned him." "Well, perhaps she thought you'd think less of her, if she once loved somebody other than your father." "He let her think he'd been killed in the trenches so she could get on with her life." "Did he ever marry?" "Never too late." "I insist that you all stay as my guests for dinner, and for the night, if you wish." "On one condition." "(Speaks Japanese)" "(Speaks Japanese)" "(All gasp)"