"8456 is my locker at the swimming pool." "20,840,000 is my National Identity Document." "I take an 8 in pants and my bra size is 34." "My normal pulse doesn't usually go over 70, except when I see a man that I like and then it reaches 120." "I've broken the hearts of two men, and mine has been shattered fourteen times, the times I thought I'd found the love of my life." "But No 1 has never appeared." "I'm going at 45 m.p.h., I'm 27 years old, I'm called Carlota and I drive an ambulance." "EMPTY FRIDGE" "Step on it, we're losing this guy." "I'm doing the best I can!" "Is it much further?" "No!" "If there were no cars, we'd be there by now." "You're so handsome." "Why blow it with that tie?" "Still, you can change a wardrobe." "What droopy shoulders!" "I would never, ever fall in love with droopy shoulders." "Well, hippies can be kind of cute, as long as they don't wear sandals." "Sorry, darling, but you've just spoiled a beautiful love story." "Where are you going with that pencil face!" "Ugly, ugly, they're all so ugly." "You can stop." "He's dead." "You needn't go so fast." "I told you, he's dead." "And this one's got bad breath!" "Oh, shit!" "Here we go again!" "Juan, that's you, right?" "Yes, I'II..." "We'II be out in a minute." "well, make it quick, please." "I'm exhausted." "Searching for mail..." "Weren't you working all day?" "No, I wasn't, and anyway, you know I don't like you using my place without telling me!" "This is the Iast time, my room mates are leaving in two months." "I've heard that before." "You had a bad day, right?" "Yes." "Is it a new pick-up?" "No!" "This is the real thing." "The last pick-up." "Your mailbox is empty." "Why does no one ever call me?" "Try giving out your number." "It might work." "They all die!" "The average life span of the men I meet is three minutes." "hello, I'm NataIia." "I'm CarIota." "I hope I haven't disturbed you too much." "No, it was..." "No, really, not..." "My bed's comfortable, isn't it?" "well, I have to go." "Poor thing, it was her first time!" "The next time, you get your little virgin, you take her to an hotel, and nobody will bother her there." "God will reward all that you do for me with a good husband." "I'd prefer the money." "Good-bye, see you later." "'Bye." "So long." "A feast for some, a famine for others." "See you tomorrow." "So long." "Get here early tomorrow." "Hey, honeybun!" "Why don't you stop for a while?" "You mean me?" "Yes!" "I've stopped." "What's up?" "Do you Iike macaroni?" "I think you'd better give back my house keys." "I've got a boyfriend now." "The guy you screwed yesterday is your boyfriend now." "really?" "I'm being serious." "CouIdn't you be a bit less rough?" "You Iovesick heterosexuals make me so mad." "As soon as a guy appears, everyone else ceases to exist." "Any hairs on his back?" "Skin like a baby." "Anyway, however many men I meet, I'II always be your friend." "It isn't you, it's NataIia." "I found out that she's had a boyfriend for two years." "It's always the same old story." "I feel like a lesbian sex object." "He left for India today." "I think he went to meet that Buddhist Lama guy." "What about his family?" "His girlfriend?" "That sap never had a girlfriend." "He certainly did!" "I want everyone to know!" "He had a girlfriend and he walked out on her!" "We've all came out of the closet and shut ourselves up in a bar." "What a dreary future!" "I don't get it." "Why do you always give me the same old spiel?" "We're people, men and women, even though men are slightly nastier people." "At least with me." "Speaking of nasty people." "Thank you for so many sessions of frenzied sex, but I won't need them anymore." "My chastity begins today." "You can keep the keys." "Mine began yesterday." "In my new bed, two's a crowd." "They're still yours." "Why don't we do something that's fun tonight?" "Sure." "What?" "We'II think of something." "A movie with popcorn?" "Excuse me." "Can we talk?" "Is it interesting or amusing?" "I slept with my boyfriend yesterday and when I saw "that" I started to cry." "Isn't it wonderful?" "Now I know that I'm really and truly lesbian." "Don't confuse things." "That's called hysteria." "well, I don't like him now." "He repels me, he looks hairy and when he kisses me he scratches my face." "That isn't a man, love, it's a wolf." "If the moon's full does he get very tense?" "You're angry with me." "Have you never made a mistake?" "Listen, I'm going to wander around the city until about three in the morning." "Why until three?" "That's when the wolfman comes out." "What am I doing wrong?" "I'd Iike to know." "Am I unpleasant?" "Not in the slightest." "Take the next on the Ieft." "DisagreeabIe, smelly, not very bright?" "I think you're delightful." "slow down." "We're almost there." "As far as sex goes, I'm fine." "well, I mean, I think I'm sufficiently..." "You know." "No." "Come on." "I'm sufficiently... sIuttish." "SIuttish?" "What do you mean exactly by sIuttish?" "could you be a bit more specific?" "Is it the next street?" "Yes." "Let's hope it isn't too serious." "The fucking woman's dangerous!" "She got me on the head with this stainless steel iron." "It's a good one." "It was my anniversary gift to her." "Give over." "You can listen to me now." "A blonde hair." "I found it in the wash basin, and as I'm brunette I think this creep has got himself a whore." "I told you, I never saw that hair before!" "Listen, she belted me with stainless steel." "Ma'am, may I see that hair?" "Yes, love, wait there, I'II bring it in to you." "CarIota, this gentleman may have a serious head injury!" "Let me see." "Here it is." "What do you think, given that I'm brunette?" "It's the old story." "First, they're unfaithful, and then they go off to India." "I mean, it isn't just a question of color." "Anyone can have a few blonde hairs, one here, one there, but look at how long it is." "My hair isn't that long." "Look." "No." "Start the damn ambulance." "This man could bleed to death." "Maybe he has to bleed to death." "natural selection." "Excuse me, miss, I've done nothing to you." "But you were unlucky enough to meet me." "Either you admit you screwed the whore or I swear I won't move this ambulance." "CarIota, you'II get in trouble!" "You're running out of time." "I'm sure your wife will forgive you." "Everything's negotiable." "What do you mean by negotiable?" "I don't have any money." "You don't realize how bad that gash looks, do you?" "Hey, what'II I do?" "Move over." "Didn't we say that we'd always be honest?" "It wasn't a whore." "It was your sister." "double coffee, no milk, no sugar." "Doesn't it get you speeded up?" "Remember, 16 and 4." "What does it mean?" "I'm counting the people I know who are married and happy, or are together but not in love, or are single and happy, or separated and happy." "How many happy single people were there?" "Happy?" "So far, none." "Where did you put me?" "I forgot to count you." "Are you happy?" "well, you always hope that the woman of your dreams will appear." "You're distracting me!" "We've got work." "That makes 16..." "It's just a case of indigestion, I'II wait here." "No, I'd rather you came with me." "I want to keep an eye on you." "Come on." "hello." "His stomach hurts real bad." "But it isn't my fault." "What happened?" "We were seeing who could eat more hard boiled eggs, like paul Newman in "cool Hand Luke"." "And he won." "He ate fifty eggs?" "No, just ten." "You're both crazy." "When you saw "Superman" what did you do?" "Jump off a roof?" "No!" "I tried it from a tree once but it didn't work." "In any case, my favorite was Spiderman, a cult superhero, with his spider's web, climbing up no scruples or complexes, a straight-up guy." "will my friend be all right?" "Come on." "Lean on me and stand up very slowly, all right?" "Am I going to die?" "No, not this time, not yet." "You've only got a colossal dietetic transgression." "A what?" "Indigestion." "I ate six and I'm in fucking great shape." "Can't you see you're crowding him?" "Listen, how did you know paul Newman ate fifty eggs?" "Because I saw the film." "It's easier in the movies." "I'm sorry if I'm talking a Iot, but I'm nervous." "talk all you want." "And you can hold on tighter to me." "That'II calm you down." "Thank you." "You're very kind." "It's a pleasure, but you just breathe gently." "Breathe gently." "please, clear the room!" "I don't want any on-Iookers!" "We're saving a life here, Iet us work in peace!" "What life?" "It isn't mine, is it?" "Don't worry, now that I'm here nothing can happen to you." "Hey, she's a real professional." "Very professional." "You see, it was only three minutes." "Thank you, both of you." "I ate ten eggs." "In case you need us again..." "Or if you want to go a movie." "Is your name Genoveva?" "My name's CarIota." "Why?" "Because I really like that name." "It was a pleasure meeting you." "See you, No 1." "I hope this is the Iast time you interfere in my work." "I Iove this profession and while it may not interest you in the slightest you show a great disrespect for the Hippocratic Oath." "Don't you think he's cute?" "At last, No 1." "If a yogurt can last, so can I." "Call, call, call..." "call!" "dial 9 - 1 - 5 .  7 - 6 - 4   3 - 2 - 0." "And now, at this very moment, ring!" "I'm telling you to ring, you fucking telephone!" "hello?" "Hi, Mom." "Fifth day of anguish." "If a yogurt can last, so can Carlota." "Come on, keep your spirits up!" "Hang on in there!" "He's going to call!" "He's going to call!" "Sock it to him, sweetheart!" "Hang in there!" "I'II hang in there!" "That man says you refused to take him to hospital, and he also says that you were, indirectly, the cause of a much more serious injury." "What do you have to say?" "That I'm guilty." "The man is quite right." "Am I fired?" "Your companion, Rodrigo Garcia, has spoken on your behalf and defended you." "We're giving you a second chance." "Gosh!" "Thank you very much." "If you've got no questions..." "Yes." "tell me, as a man..." "If I gave you my phone number, how soon would you call me?" "calm down, CarIota." "It could be your mother." "You're going to hear a message from your mother and not kill yourself afterwards." "It happened today, just before 2.00 p.m." "No one thought it could end happily, but it did." "No 1, as she calls him, left a message at Carlota's home." "Our channel had exclusive access to this startling document." "We invite you to listen to it because it's really worthwhile." "How are you?" "I'm the guy from the other day, the ambulance, the eggs." "How are you?" "I didn't call before because I couldn't find your card." "And I was looking for it like a lunatic." "That's a joke." "No, it isn't a joke." "I'm calling to invite you to an exhibition tonight of some things I do." "It's at 10.00 o'clock, in "Karibu"." "Hope to see you there." "Kisses." "By the way, my phone number is 357 98 56." "Bye." "What do you think?" "You hear that tone of someone in love who's trying to hide it?" "What tone is that?" "It just sounds like an invitation." "Like an invitation?" "Like making an appointment!" "That's awful!" "No, he's nervous." "He said "How are you?" twice." "You do that when you care about the other person." "exactly!" "What about the joke?" "He said:" "I was looking for your card like a lunatic." "Then:" "No, that's a joke." "Yes, but then he said that it was true." "Because he was nervous." "Nervous people don't make jokes." "They leave short messages." "That guy's playing games." "You think so?" "Let's analyze the situation." "...card." "And I was looking for it like a lunatic." "He sounds sincere, right?" "That's a joke." "As he's scared of showing his hand too early on, he protects himself by saying it's a joke." "That's typical of people in love." "No, it's the typical male game." ""I'm the one who pulls the strings."" "He's playing games because he's sure of himself." "That's all rubbish!" "It's just a message!" "Are we losing our minds?" "play the next bit." "No, it isn't a joke." "I'm calling to..." "clever, manipulative, pitiless." "You don't realize, but you're projecting your personality on to No 1." "That's a lie." "And why do you call him No 1?" "He's going to be the father of my children!" "Just a word of advice from here." "Carlota, don't blow it." "Now I understand the message." "A sexually repressed voice." "I should've realized sooner." "I didn't think you were so narrow minded." "The modern art form is the comic." "I Iike it, it's much more stimulating." "Just as well he isn't your typical painter." "Look." "Futuristic outfits, skating..." "You've never put on skates in your life, and you always said people who skated were assholes." "Excuse me, but you're making that up." "I think skating is a very elegant sport." "extremely elegant." "How about a drink?" "So where's the charming gentleman?" "He'II turn up soon." "He's just turned up." "In the herringbone overcoat." "You see him?" "The one who looks like..." "...he's got a cold?" "Yes." "He's so cute." "What can you see?" "You won't like it." "He's with a peach who's head and shoulders taller than you." "really?" "Are they touching?" "No, they're not touching but he's eating a pasty and looking like a haIf-wit." "Eating with hunger?" "With longing, I'd say." "He can't see beyond his pasty." "This is a non-starter because no one who's in love can eat with hunger." "Just as well I found out in time." "A compulsive eater, the face of a diabetic." "awful." "I don't like him." "What's he doing now?" "He's going to touch your shoulder in five seconds." "CarIota?" "well!" "We're here!" "It's great you came." "How are you?" "relaxed but really phenomenal." "How's your stomach?" "That was so stupid, my stomach is bad anyway." "Right." "The drawings are lovely." "You like them?" "A bit savage, right?" "Not at all." "I think they're perfect." "Who wants to see cutesy things in comics nowadays?" "They've got force and that's what counts." "What's up?" "Remember Santi?" "He helps me with the texts." "Of course I remember." "These are my friends, Juan and natalia." "hello." "Juan?" "You've got a guy's name?" "What's your name, little girl?" "You can fucking call me Santiaga." "He's my best friend." "He seems very nice." "We've known each other since school." "He's a real joker." "I'm going home, I'm falling asleep." "Me too." "We'II all go." "So soon?" "They're showing a gore short later." "We haven't had supper yet, and gore..." "well, maybe I couId stay..." "Everyone's asking for you." "Can I have him for a little minute?" "Come on." "I..." "What?" "You don't have to say anything." "I'm not stupid." "I made a mistake, I admit it." "The guy's an idiot." "So is she. "Can I have him for a little minute?"" "I just have to be mature." "Ice palace!" "hello." "well!" "How are you?" "How are you?" "How are you?" "Fine." "Do you come here often?" "Me?" "Yes, yes, yes." "From time to time." "I was sorry you left so early yesterday." "I wanted to talk more to you." "Me too, but it was your night." "Everyone wanted to talk to you." "But if you want, we could meet another day." "Sure, whenever you want." "call me." "I see where you get the inspiration for your drawings." "Don't think that I do those things with girls." "No?" "I'm so disappointed." "What are you saying, you fucking idiot?" "Have you come to skate?" "No, just to watch, that's all." "You come here just to watch some idiots falling on the ice?" "Isn't that a waste of time?" "well, I was intending to skate, but as there's such a line..." "I'II fix that in no time." "Come on." "Look who's here." "The ambulance chick!" "She wants to skate." "What size do you take?" "5 1/2, but you needn't bother, really." "I'm in a hurry and I haven't skated in ages." "Coming up." "As it's you, they're free." "You were lucky." "Yes." "Thank you." "I always liked girls who could skate." "When I saw you driving, I knew you'd be fucking great." "Out of millions of men, why did I pick the only one who likes ice skating?" "Anything wrong?" "I'm meditating, I always do it." "If you don't let go, it'II be hard to skate." "This'II be a fucking good laugh." "Shit!" "Did you Iike it?" "I wasn't bad." "Yes, that was good." "Are you a professional?" "No way." "I never skated before." "Come off it!" "honestly, but it's real easy." "Try it." "It doesn't interest me anymore." "Come on, coward!" "No, don't keep on." "I don't want to." "But it's great fun." "Won't you give me that satisfaction?" "Come on." "I'm not in form for skating today." "Lord!" "You're so boring!" "Do I have to find another partner?" "Come on, do you really not want to?" "Are you always such a pain or is this a bad day?" "Put down that container right now!" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "Hello, this is Carlota." "Look, I was wondering..." "Do you like Japanese food?" "Maybe I should have told you sooner." "No, it was my fault." "I wasn't thinking." "Why is he so quiet?" "I bet he doesn't want to invite me in." "What if I tell him I'd like to see his etchings?" "No, he'll think I'm a pain." "The meal was good, wasn't it?" "Yes, very good." "Yes, Japanese food is very light." "It's like you were eating candy." "This is pathetic. I'll never get him into bed talking about food." "Do you live alone?" "You've gone too far." "Yes, normally, yes." "What does "normally" mean?" "It's that door." "I'm sorry, I'm used to the ambulance." "Don't worry." "Listen..." "Boy, you're tired." "Be seeing you." "I'm sorry, I always confuse these streets." "An ex-boyfriend lived around here." "Did you Iike him a Iot?" ""A Iot" doesn't begin to describe it." "It was tremendous." "So what happened?" "It was all based too much on sex." "Yeah?" "Chew on that." "I've always thought that sex isn't as important as they say." "Yeah, Iike the size of a dick." "I thought like that until I met carlos." "The one who lives here?" "No, that was someone else, but he lives round here too." "His nickname was Anaconda." "There were times when I couldn't get it into my mouth!" "It was wild!" "Bingo!" "This is going to be plain sailing!" "You're the first woman to admit she appreciates..." "...the size of a dick." "There you are." "That kind of thinking seems kind of superficial to me." "How can I be so dumb?" "My love, I'd marry you even if yours was half an inch long." "I'II see you to the door." "You needn't bother." "It's no bother." "I'm a gentleman." "Listen, I was joking earlier." "actually, I've got the same problem as Anaconda." "A kind of phallic giantism." "really?" "It's been ages!" "You never call me." "You've got me totally abandoned." "What a coincidence!" "I was talking about you a minute ago, and your nickname." "You're prettier than ever." "Let me kiss you!" "You get me so horny!" "The things you say!" "CarIota..." "CarIota, I have to be going." "See you later." "Are you fucking stupid?" "What's up?" "Didn't I do it well?" "I told you to say hello and then go off, not screw me in the middle of the street." "It's nerves." "I haven't been on the course very long." "Anyway, you're two hours late." "I'm fucking freezing." "You've ruined my Iife, so I'm not going to pay you." "Now, please, get out of my sight." "Oh, yeah?" "Oh, yeah?" "Listen, the actors' union will hear about this." "We have to celebrate this!" "What are you thinking about?" "You're very quiet." "Nothing, things." "Look, I'm going to be honest with you." "I would love to go up to your place, but not just to finish off the mojito." "If you don't like the idea, just say so." "But I don't want to sleep alone tonight." "I don't want to sleep alone either." "Isn't she here yet?" "She won't be long." "silvia will go with you today." "I'II speak to the young lady about disciplinary rules." "I'm sure she's got a good excuse." "Torera!" "Torera!" "Torera!" "hold on to my keys, I'm not sure yet where we'II be living." "What does he think of all this?" "We haven't discussed it yet, but you don't have to say these things out loud." "You just know, with looks, gestures." "How do you know he hasn't gone to India?" "Because I Ieft him a message, I bought a mobile so he can always contact me, and I called the airport and there are no flights to India until tomorrow." "You did that?" "You can't take any chances." "I'm looking for certain issues." "Maybe you can help me." ""golden rain on the galaxy", "Not all black holes are in space" and "Martians don't use rubbers"." "We're out of that, but as you dig porno-sado if you want, I can recommend some interesting titles." "Porno-sado!" "Do you think I'm a pervert or what?" "You wanted the heaviest stuff on the market." "Because she's in love, idiot." "Skip it, Juan, don't bother." "hello, I thought you'd gone to India." "How do you know I Iike India?" "I don't know, intuition." "Did I call at a bad time?" "I hear a Iot of noise." "No, not at all." "I was walking along the street, alone." "I can tell you're in the street." "will we meet tomorrow, or the day after?" "Whenever you want." "When?" "I don't know, you decide." "Why don't you?" "I don't care." "The day after tomorrow?" "Fine." "Or tomorrow?" "Sure." "Which?" "Both, but maybe better the day after tomorrow." "Yes, I'm thinking that'II be perfect because I've got lots to do tomorrow." "Get off the fucking phone!" "Speed up!" "Who's that?" "Nobody." "Someone in the street." "will we have dinner?" "I'd thought of breakfast." "Breakfast?" "That's awful!" "Lunch." "Why not dinner?" "I can cook something." "No, that's a pain." "Come in, 970." "Estimated position and time." "Excuse me, HQ, I'm talking." "Why don't we meet to play bowls with my grandad?" "When you know what you want, call me." "I'm very busy." "Rodrigo, can you believe it?" "He doesn't want to meet for dinner." "He mustn't like me sexually." "Come on, kid!" "Here's a question for you as a man." "If I slept with you, and we were meeting the next day, would you prefer lunch or dinner?" "If we slept together?" "You and I?" "I'd have dinner." "That's what I think." "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "No one here has ever chatted on a mobile phone while on duty!" "nevertheless, you're an efficient driver and I'II be happy to give you a letter of recommendation." "I also propose that we continue with our friendship, even though you're not on the staff." "I don't know, maybe we could go out for dinner some day." "Why not for breakfast?" "Let's drop it." "Remember to return your uniform." "And the letter?" "Another day." "I'm very busy." "Were you trying to get me into bed?" "Why are you saying that?" "You must have misunderstood." "Come in immediately." "I have to dictate an urgent letter." "You'II have it in a minute." "And as for the dinner, all forgotten." "totally forgotten." "well?" "How did it go?" "Just as expected." "I'm fired." "Oh, no!" "I'm so sorry." "If it's any consolation, I tried to defend you." "I know." "You've been very good to me." "will we still see each other?" "Of course." "call me whenever you want and we'II have dinner." "hello?" "hello, it's CarIota." "How are you?" "I was just going to call you." "Do you know I've been fired?" "really?" "That's lousy!" "It's awful!" "What's this city going to do without its best driver?" "." "I mustn't have been such a good driver." "You seemed annoyed with me yesterday." "No, I wasn't annoyed." "Yes." "No." "Well, anyway, I think that breakfast idea was really stupid." "You must be down, so why don't we go out and get blind drunk?" "You know something?" "What?" "I'm really dying to..." "To what?" "Hang on a minute." "Yeah, I had something on the cooker." "Are you there?" "Yes!" "Yes... I'm really happy you called." "When will we meet?" "I can't talk right now." "Good-bye." "No, wait, wait." "Here's a job for you." "Do you realize?" "The two of them were laughing at me." "He was pretending to seduce me to give her a turn-on." "He's disgusting!" "What do you think?" "What if I call him for an explanation?" "Look..." "Don't get angry at what I'm going to say, but as a friend I have to warn you." "About what?" "You're on the verge of becoming a pathetic woman." "You'd tire of him as soon as you got him." "You like suffering." "That isn't true." "You remember the cook?" "What a horrible guy!" "A month ago, you wanted to go to India to find him." "But that was just an excuse to go travelling." "Anyway, it's different with No 1." "Why is it different?" "Because you can't get him?" "Because he's married, or fucks you around?" "What makes it different?" "will you tell me?" "AII right." "What does this job involve?" "Married with children!" "Look." "Say hello to the dummy." "Don't be scared." "hello, dummy." "We're not scared of you." "It hit me!" "Did you see?" "You provoked it." "Did that hurt?" "What do you think, idiot?" "If it appears again, I'II kill it." "Come out, you fucking dummy!" "Don't worry, love, Mom's all right." "What did I do to that dummy?" "It's all right." "Get down!" "Nobody move until I say so!" "The danger's over!" "please!" "Everyone is to keep calm!" "It wants to kill me and it won't stop until it does!" "Are you all right?" "You probably got a bit dizzy." "Yes, I'm perfectly all right." "I just wanted someone to hug me." "You're a bit tense." "You should try to relax." "If I knew how to, I would, but I don't even have the energy for that." "Why don't we get drugged up?" "Yeah, sure." "Do you mind if NataIia comes?" "Are you still seeing NataIia?" "You know that I am." "You're right to remind me I'm not the only person on Earth." "At times I forget." "Are you in love with her?" "I don't know." "And she with you?" "well, she's left her boyfriend anyway." "It's dogged as does it." "Except in my case." "I'II never chase after him again, never." "I'm going to be wicked." "AII right, but try not to hit anyone again." "Why is it that what you Iike most is what hurts most?" "I'm going to be wicked." "Very, very wicked." "Another line?" "Why not lay off?" "I want to go home." "Give me kisses." "I'm really tired." "Let's go." "If you give me a kiss." "No one gives me kisses." "Can we go?" "Stay a while." "I don't want to be alone." "Sorry, but I can't take any more." "You coming?" "You're making this hard." "You can stay, I don't mind." "I want you to stay too." "But it so happens I'm very tired." "Juan, don't do it for me." "I don't want to leave!" "Then there's no more to say!" "See?" "You're angry." "I'm not angry!" "Lower your voice, we're here to have fun." "I have fun when I want to, not out of obligation." "You should've said." "If being here is an obligation, stay at home and don't ruin our fun." "well, it won't happen again." "You've got a free hand now." "What are you insinuating?" "Go ahead, kill yourselves." "What are you insinuating?" "You should know." "But do it quietly, because now I'm the one who's tired." "Now see what you've done!" "Sure, it's all my fault!" "You've been getting at her all night!" "I'm going, you can stay!" "You should've left earlier!" "Get out!" "Are you all right?" "To be honest, no." "What about you?" "Kind of the same." "Fucking great." "Wasn't there a smaller bed?" "It's the best way for no one to sleep with me." "will you let me?" "I guess so." "Juan..." "That's my tit you're touching." "Is it?" "Sorry." "Hi, how are you?" "Are you there?" "Are you there?" "It's impossible to get in touch with you." "Get your hand off!" "No." "Are you a masochist?" "Yes!" "I want to talk to him." "He'II fuck you over." "I'm sorry, this isn't personal." "Pick it up." "hello, it's CarIota." "What were you doing?" "Me?" "I was in the shower." "Would you like to meet tonight for once and for all?" "Tonight?" "Sure." "This time I'll pick you up." "ls 10.00 all right?" "10.00?" "10.00 is perfect." "I'II see you tonight then." "Bye." "You're going to blow it again." "Why don't you forget about him?" "I want to get an explanation from him." "That's all." "It's your life." "hello!" "Open the door!" "I'm getting soaked!" "What are you doing?" "Open the door!" "please!" "Open the door!" "I was born at 9.30 on July 9, 1969, and I'm the youngest of nine children, so I've spent my life doing everyone else's dirty work." "I've never had a girlfriend but I've slept with twelve girls." "Sexual encounters can be summed up in three non-starters, four premature ejaculations and five satisfactory relations." "I don't like speed, not even on skates." "Nor do I like doctors or ambulances." "My favorite name is Genoveva, but I fell in love with Carlota." "Even on our first date, things started going wrong." "Those hateful chopsticks didn't help to show off my natural charm." "May I help you, sir?" "Yes." "This may seem odd, but when the young lady I'm expecting arrives, would you mind bringing me cutlery..." "...instead of chopsticks." "No problem." "Yeah, but would you mind saying something like "It's a house custom to give chopsticks only to the ladies"." "I understand." "Don't worry, the lady won't know she's dating a moron." "May I?" "hello." "hello." "Have you been waiting long?" " Just a minute or two." "I'm absolutely ravenous." "Good evening." "Nice to see you again." "I've missed your sushi." "It's a house custom to give only chopsticks to the ladies." "How come?" "Is it a new rule?" "extremely new." "Do you mind using a fork?" "No, not at all." "But Japanese food is better appreciated with chopsticks." "If sir wishes..." "No!" "I wouldn't dream of changing the rules." "I'II make an exception." "But it's also a house rule to satisfy our clients." "You're yellow!" "You can see he likes you." "Yeah, fucking sure." "Speak or I'll die." "If she doesn't speak now I'll talk about the food." "It beats the weather." "The meal was good, wasn't it?" "Yes, very good." "But you're better." "Japanese food is very light." "It's like you were eating candy." "I know you think I'm a wimp because I can't eat with chopsticks." "Do you live alone?" "Yes, normally, yes." "Why did I say "normally"?" "It's that door." "Sorry, I'm used to the ambulance." "l've got a theory." "If someone forces you to eat revolting raw fish and then smashes your face against the windscreen, that isn't love." "See you around." "But I did beat a record that night. I'm the man who restrained for most time the desire to throw up." "Forty seven minutes and twenty four seconds." "The second night, it was all going like a dream until Anaconda turned it into a nightmare." "I've got the same problem as Anaconda." "A kind of phallic giantism." "really?" "It's been ages!" "What a coincidence!" "I was talking about you a minute ago, and your nickname." "Hey, I see you're the same as ever." "You're prettier than ever." "Let me kiss you!" "That night I'd have given anything to be Anaconda." "You get me so horny!" "I want you to fuck me stupid!" "I want you to fuck me stupid!" "The next day, I got my chance, but Anaconda and my own drawings had set too high a standard." "I told myself that fine goods come in small parcels, and I'm sure I'd the smallest of parcels that night." "Fuck you!" "That bastard always grabs my balls." "I've been thinking." "Maybe it's a blood flow problem." "It could be." "Not that old story again!" "Yes, that old story again." "If you can't get it up, it's because you're shit scared." "What if I tell her?" "Look, those white midgets are experts in bed." "Either you fuck them well..." "...or they dump you." "But I'm in love." "Doesn't that count?" "Forget it." "You're on a loser." "You're a great help." "It's obvious." "She reckoned you were a stud and you blew it." "Once, maybe, but if you blow it the second time, it's bye-bye, birdie." "You either have a super-dick or know how to use..." "...the little you have." "You ever measure it?" "Sure, Iike everyone." "Never believe a guy who says he hasn't measured his dick." "would you tell me what yours measures?" "For curiosity." "The normal." "Eight inches." "What about yours?" "Mine?" "Six, eight, I don't know." "I don't measure my dick." "At times, the stupidest things can change your life." "Romeo was defeated by the Capulets and I, by a cauliflower." "Open the door!" "Open the door!" "I'm getting soaked!" "Open the door!" "I'm telling you to open the door, you subnormaI shit!" "It sounds stupid, but I guess my life was ruined by a fart, a simple, foul smelling fart." "I was back at her house in two minutes but she had disappeared." "I certainly learned a good lesson that night." "If you think you've hit bottom, don't believe it." "Things can get worse." "Good evening." "When I saw "Sesame Street" as a kid, I never thought that one day Big Bird would beat the shit out of me." "I told you not to hit him in the stomach." "He's very delicate there." "Look, I'm not a professional hitwoman." "I got him where I couId." "Do you think we hurt him badly?" "That was the idea." "Yes, but now I'm sorry." "I know it isn't normal to beat people up, but that bastard deserved it." "It's just he suddenly seemed so helpless and so cute." "And he looked so foxy in those trousers!" "You're hopeless." "What if we give NataIia a going-over?" "No, that hysteric would flatten both of us." "I must say, after this I understand men better." "Tomorrow I'm going to rent a Jean claude Van Damme video." "And when he shouted "Mom, help!", I just wanted to put my arms around him." "Creeps have got mothers too." "Now I'm in her ambulance, but Carlota isn't driving." "I'm thinking how easy it would have been if I'd said "l love you", but maybe it's too late." "Haven't we met before?" "Of course!" "The indigestion." "You're CarIota's partner." "The poor thing was fired." "I know." "We've become friends." "I guess she's talked about me." "Never, and that's odd, because she was always talking about guys." "Not even a little mention?" "Like you didn't exist." "Shit!" "We give the name "circle" to an area or surface delimited by a circumference." "And what we understand by circumference is a flat, closed plane whose points are equi-distant from another called "center"." "Any volunteer to draw a circumference for me?" "I'II have to pick someone at random." "CarIota, come out to the blackboard." "Didn't you hear me, CarIota?" "Come out here." "Young lady, am I not speaking clearly?" "Come out to the blackboard, dammit!" "I'm not called CarIota, sir." "I'm carolina." "AII right." "But the vehicle has got nothing to do with an ambulance." "That doesn't matter." "The only thing I need now is a job to keep me busy." "I really do need it." "Right!" "You'II be our best qualified employee." "Thank you so much." "I Ieft the keys on the table, along with my new phone number." "And don't dare scrape the car." "Are you moving today?" "Yes, it's bad enough being separated and rearing a child without putting up with a lovesick brother." "If I hear, once more, the name CarIota I'II kill myself." "CarIota, CarIota..." "I don't know what's wrong with me." "I sleep badly, I can't concentrate, I can't eat, and I can't stop thinking about her." "It's called love, idiot." "That's supposed to be compatible with life, but I don't think so." "When I hear that and think of all the stupidities you still have to commit, I get dizzy." "Why are you doing this now?" "What were you doing at 15?" "playing gooseberry on your dates." "My God, that's right." "I've created a monster." "Are you crazy?" "Since when is Roko impotent?" "Why not?" "He's human too." "He isn't human." "He's a space gladiator, an expert in the semen shower." "It's as if Rambo were anorexic." "I Iike it." "Not to mention the corny fart that ruins the love story." "It's more like a "True Romance" story than a porno comic." "I think it's time to change direction." "I'm fed up with the old stories." "I want something more real." "Know what?" "You're getting soft and it's that fIoozie's fault." "Do you mind not calling her a floozie?" "This is really pissing me." "children, love..." "You're losing it a bit." "Yes, I'm thinking of more important things." "I'm sick of the old life." "That's your fucking problem." "You're about to lose your personality." "You're about to become a fucking puppet!" "Women are alienating, boring and vampires!" "I knew you wouldn't understand." "I knew it, because they're concepts which are far above animal intelligence." "I'm getting out of here." "You can keep your fIoozie and your fucking love!" "Don't call her fIoozie!" "Go fuck yourself." "Weren't you working all day?" "natalia was here at lunchtime." "With her boyfriend." "impossible." "Juan, I saw them with my own eyes." "I said she was an asshole." "It had to happen some day." "And you're glad, right?" "Why do you say that?" "I can see by your face that you're enjoying this." "You're not being objective." "But it's normal that..." "You never liked NataIia." "Now you mention it, no." "I never thought she was right for you." "It isn't my problem if you've been dumped." "You're being unfair." "would you rather I didn't tell you?" "Yes!" "You don't have to rub my nose in my own shit!" "It hurts, doesn't it?" "You should know that more than anyone because all you ever do is preach about my Iife!" "You know something?" "I'm not Iike you." "natalia was enough for me." "She didn't love me, but she was enough." "I'm sorry!" "What is a line?" "A line is a continuous succession of points in space." "Any volunteer to draw a line?" "You, CarIota." "Come out and draw a line." "I'II have to take drastic measures." "I'II repeat it for the Iast time." "CarIota, come up here and draw a line for me." "What is it?" "I..." "Is your name CarIota?" "Then sit down and keep quiet." "Yes, sir." "What's wrong with you?" "Don't you know your name?" "Let's all hear it." "Car..." "Car..." "Io..." "Io..." "ta." "ta." "CarIota." "Please pick up the phone." "I'd like to talk to you." "Are you there?" "Are you not there?" "I hope you call me." "It's important for me." "Are you not there either?" "." "Where have you got to?" "If you never pick up the phone, I can't explain." "Pick it up, dammit!" "This was your last chance." "Have it your way." "Forget it." "Are you really not there?" "What about that dinner?" "." "Rodrigo." "Dork!" "Why fight for a woman's love?" "Just come here jerk off a while, and that's that." "I hope that CarIota doesn't fall in the trap of such a pathetic person." "You'd treat a dog better than you treat me!" "Open the door!" "hello, I can't just now." "I'm about to leave." "I'm entitled to a fair trial." "This isn't the moment." "When is, then?" "I understand." "What about tomorrow?" "Tomorrow may not be my moment." "We're closing." "I said we're closing." "could you do something with my poor back?" "That's just what I needed." "Too much tension, too much stress." "It happens to lots of people." "Work, problems with a partner." "Don't mention partners, I'II feel worse." "You seem skeptical about that." "And with reason." "I separated recently." "What do you expect?" "I'm very sorry." "He was an idiot." "What's more, recently I couldn't care about men." "And is the separation definite?" "I mean, what would happen, in the hypothetical case, which may not be your case, but what if he had someone else?" "I wouldn't care." "At times I think how handy it wouId be to be a lesbian." "I feel like I'm at the hairdresser's, telling my secrets to a stranger." "Of course, it's possible you may not be such a stranger." "How do you mean?" "You know who I am, I know who you are, and I know who CarIota is." "She didn't know he was married." "Married?" "My brother?" "Who's your brother?" "My brother, the one flirting with your friend." "So your brother isn't your husband?" "No, that would be too much, and I hope your friend is your friend." "Yeah!" "well, not anymore." "We had a row over my partner, and then I had a row with my partner over CarIota, so all that's left for me is to have a row with myself." "What's your name?" "Juan." "Now I'm really confused." "I'II tell you the story another day." "tell me something, Juan." "My brother isn't anything special, but he's suffering a Iot." "Why does CarIota not love him?" "Isn't it the opposite?" "No way." "That CarIota is like a female Don Juan." "Who, my CarIota?" "It seems we think differently." "I know my friend." "And I know my brother." "Someone's lying here or else I don't get it." "And how can I help you?" "I was thinking of setting up a blind date, but now I'm not sure who's blind." "I think we'd better not get involved any further." "You were saying that now men don't..." "A man is always a man." "although I've always been curious about screwing a woman." "Are you going to answer?" "No, I think not." "Carlota?" "Carlota..." "Pick up the phone if you're there." "Carlota?" "I've got some amazing news for you." "It's about No 1." "But I want to tell you in person." "By the way, I've fallen in love again." "Wait till you hear who it is." "Who is it?" "Santi, it's me." "Are you still angry?" "Yes." "I don't care." "I need your help." "I'm outside the Japanese restaurant." "I can't come out." "I'm watching "X Files"." "So tape it." "l'm taping "Millenium"." "Fuck it, get over here." "My life's faIIing apart and you're watching TV." "would you mind bringing me some cutlery?" "I'm not good with chopsticks." "Of course, sir." "Now that is a man." "I think I'm too old to eat with chopsticks." "You don't have to Iearn." "I've been dying to have dinner with you." "After all our adventures in the ambulance..." "How's work going anyway?" "people keep dying." "That's still the same." "What's different is that no one smiles like you." "It's strange." "Before, I used to smile a Iot but I wasn't very happy." "Now, the truth is my Iife is no big deal but I feel good." "That's important." "Listen..." "I've got a little house in avila." "It's very simple, but it's very comfortable." "Terrific." "You can see the city walls from the bedroom." "Imagine that." "I've also got a few savings from an inheritance." "I've invested them at a fixed rate and they pay me 235,600 pesetas a month." "That's a neat deal." "My dream has always been to live in avila with the woman I Iove and have loads of kids." "That's all I want." "It sounds like a really attractive plan." "I knew you'd Iike it." "We could even have dogs." "I Iove dogs." "It's also true that my poor mother would have to spend long periods with us." "But don't worry about that." "She's a charming old lady." "You're talking about us getting married?" "No, not at all." "I'm a liberal, I don't believe in marriage." "I only believe in the family and in love between a couple." "I'm not crying with happiness." "It's the thought of living in avila!" "Rodrigo!" "It was a proposal that came from my heart." "I'II get the car and then collect you." "Don't bother, I'II go with you." "It's no bother." "What are you doing here?" "I Iike Japanese food." "well, no." "It's you that I really like." "I don't give a fuck about Japanese food." "What's wrong with all you men today?" "I was quite happy." "I was quite happy too before I met you." "Now I just want to be with you." "And it isn't easy." "Why don't you answer my calls?" "We'II talk tomorrow." "Fuck!" "What is this?" "Put me down!" "I can't, I'm in love!" "You can't be in love, stupid." "You're a married man." "Married?" "But I've never even had a girlfriend." "No?" "So who's that girl who's always with you?" "She's my sister!" "Your sister?" "Yes." "Then you're a dickhead." "Of course I am." "Look, thank you for your interest but it's late." "I have to admit I used to like you, but now I hate you." "Do you really hate me?" "You don't know this, but ever since I met you, all I've done is follow you." "I lived just for you." "You became an obsession." "Then what's the problem?" "I'm the problem." "It terrifies me to think someone loves me." "I've spent my whole life chasing ghosts, and for that you were the perfect ghost." "until you became real." "It's obvious our times don't coincide." "exactly." "Time can go fuck itself." "Look..." "AII I know is that now I Iove you." "You're here and I Iove you." "Now, in this instant." "The future can go to hell." "But don't you see, No..." "You'II think it's odd but I don't know your name." "really?" "I always called you No 1." "I Iike that name." "See how you love me?" "Don't be such a big-head." "What's your name?" "My name's Jose Mari." "Jose Mari?" "please, tell me it isn't true." "tell me I haven't fallen in love with someone called Jose Mari!" "It's going to work, isn't it?" "Yes, of course it is." "I know it's a lie, but I don't care." "When it's all shot to hell, will you hate me a Iot?" "A Iot." "Why didn't you hit him?" "He's the one wants to steal your girl." "Don't speak, you'II feel worse." "I didn't do anything." "I'm sorry, kid, but CarIota didn't choose you." "No, I know that I'm ugly." "ONE MONTH LATER" "You're not going to start drawing now!" "Why not?" "I Iove drawing in bed." "Jose Mari." "What?" "Leave." "They were two days of passion and twenty eight of rows." "A new record in my romantic life." "Despite everything, I love her." "I don't understand her." "But I love her." "We weren't cut out for each other." "But as soon as I saw him walk away from me, I knew clearly that I'd fallen in love again."