"Pie's ready." "Pa's drunk again." "If you've been drinking devil juice instead of working the back fields again, Ben Goodman, you're getting no berry pie tonight." "No dessert, neither!" "Ben?" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Go away, Ben!" " Make him stop, Mama!" " Hush, baby!" "Mama's going to save you!" "Rye." "Where's the piano player?" "He got shot." "I do." "She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes" "She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes" "She'll be coming around the mountain" "She'll be coming around the mountain" "She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes" "Show us your titties!" "We'll all go out to meet her when she comes" "When she comes" "We'll all go out to meet her when she comes" "When she comes" "We'll all go out to meet her" "We'll all go out to meet her" "We'll all go out to meet her when she comes" "Get your filthy eyeballs off my princess, mister!" "I'm just playing the piano here, kid." "Get up, take your licking like a man." "Anybody ever tell you, if you mind your own business, you won't get kicked in the balls?" "I'm not goanna just sit there and watch your soil my princess." "I hate to be the one to break it to you, kid, but she ain't your princess." "She's a whore." "Why, you potty-mouth son of a bitch." "No." "No." "Yeah!" "Get him!" "You little leg-humpers just made me put a hole in my own ceiling." "Now, how you gonna pay for that?" "It's awful loud when you shoot that gun off, and it scares the shit out of everybody." "You say another word, and I'm gonna shoot that jaw clean off your face." "Then I'm gonna take a shit in your chin hole." "Get up, Cletus, we got paying customers." "All right, Sheriff." "Let me find the keys." "What did I tell you about drinking on the job?" " Check their boots." " You heard the man!" "Boots!" "Oh, no!" " You had a knife on you?" " I didn't stick you with it." "You should have said something, though." "I'll be holding onto this for you." "Is there gonna be a trial?" "Because I would like to have me a lawyer." " Get them!" " Move!" "Heck, can we at least have our boots back?" "You ain't walking nowhere." "What the hell happened to him?" "You wanna watch out for old Ben." "Killed his own wife and daughter last week." "Sucked their brains out." "Ate them like pudding." "Had holes right in the top of their heads, about yay big." "And he must have still been hungry 'cause he ate his own tongue, right after." "We're fixing to hang old Ben in the morning." "Ain't that right, old Ben?" "You're fixing to dangle." "I'll deal with you two after the hanging." "These here's some fancy boots, fancy man." "Yeah." "I'm kindly fond of them." "Claypool gonna horsewhip you two so bad tomorrow, you're gonna wish it was you that was being hanged." "Gonna leave you hanging on the rail." "You ain't even gonna know who it is coming up in the dark to take a dig at your dirt mine." "But don't worry." "When it's my turn, I'll be sure to whisper something sweet." "This day is turning out terrible." "Dang it, Ben, amigo." "You've gotta knock that off, it's starting to get on a feller's nerves!" "You think old Cletus there is asleep yet?" "Cletus!" "Yeah, he was still sleeping." "Now we gotta wait some more to make sure." "Plus, you woke up old Ben there." "Yeah, Ben's all right for a brain eater." "Ain't you, Ben?" "Oh, jeez, quiet, Ben!" "I don't see why it matters, though." "We ain't got the key." " What are you?" "Some kind of thief?" " I'm a retired soldier." "Well, how come you got all those tools up your sleeves?" "I'm training to be a dentist." "You coming, ponyboy?" "Name's Luke." "Luke Budd." "I owe you one, mister." "Elmer Winslow." "We'll do the meet-and-greet later." "Get your boots." "Hush, Ben, hush!" "Yeah." "Just shut up!" "No, I want my boots." " Put these on." " I ain't wearing those!" "Well, you're gonna wake him up if you try to get yours off him." "Yep." "I'm gonna need my boots." "What are we gonna do with him?" "You don't have to whisper anymore, he's awake." " We'll lock him up." " He's gonna make a racket." "Yeah, well, guess we'll have to cut his throat." " We can't do that!" " I'm kidding." "We'll gag him." "You got a gag handy?" "Sorry we have to leave you here." "But it just ain't right to eat your wife and daughter's brains." "Plus, you're really disgusting." "I don't want to spend any more time with you." "You two stay out of trouble." "All I gotta do is get Frisky, we can hightail it out of here." " Your horse is named Frisky?" " Yeah." "Got a problem with that?" " Sounds like a girl's horse, that's all." " It ain't." " What's the name of your horse?" " I don't know." "I haven't stole it yet." "I'm not leaving without my money." "I ain't gonna let you face that mean sheriff alone." " Why not?" " Heck, I figure we're partners now." "I mean, we are partners now, right?" "Breaking out of jail and all." "We're practically an outlaw gang." "Yeah, I guess." "I always wanted to be in a gang." "What's going on in there?" "Oh, man!" "What is it?" "Oh, man." " Oh, man!" " What?" "He's kissing on my princess and she's kissing right back!" "The hooker?" "Dang it, Elmer, will you quit saying that?" "We were gonna get married, settle down, have some young'uns." "Heck, we already found a place that we both fell in love with." "It's a fixer-upper, it's on the edge of town." "But the realtor, he said, "You ain't even close to the top of the market. ' '" "We were gonna put up a white picket fence." "And, you know, the value would go up, that's what, the value would go up." "Do you need a minute?" "No." "No." "No." "I don't need a minute." "Yeah." "Yeah, I need a minute." "I don't know." "I can't take this pain." "You good?" "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah." "I'm good." " They didn't see you?" " No." "No, they didn't see me at all." "All right then." "When I say go..." "Get your hands in the air, you necking devils!" "This here's a stickup!" "Hi, there, cowboy!" "You." "You Jezebel, you." "Swinging your big, beautiful bosoms around at every man in town!" "Oh, honey." "I got enough bosoms for everybody." "I'm looking at dead men." "Give me my boot knife." "Hand over my $500 and you'll never see me again." " Kid, what about you?" " No, I wanna keep hanging out." "As a gang!" "I mean, does he owe you any money?" "I gave it all to that harlot for a down payment on our dream house." "Pay my partner here whatever the lady owes him and, say, another $100 for his pain and suffering." "Oh, you haven't even seen the start of pain and suffering." "Where's the money?" "Go ahead." "Shoot her." "It's in his safe." "I bet now you're gonna say you forgot the combination." "Well, guess what?" "It don't matter, because my partner here is a dentist!" "Open it." "If you promise not to follow us, I won't shoot you right now." "Cross my heart and hope to die." "Shit!" "Darn it, Frisky!" "I'm trying to make a getaway!" "Son of a bitch!" "He bit me!" "God damn it, Cletus!" "Now you see why I don't give you a raise?" "You let those pig fuckers loose to steal my retirement fund!" "I was $1,000 away from that Mexican sugar plantation!" "$1,000 away from ever seeing your fat ass again!" "Oh, fuck!" "I think I ate some bad chili." "What did I tell you about eating off a cart?" "I'd shoot your sick ass right now, but everybody in town's coming to see you shit your pants!" "God damn!" "Oh, man, he did bite the shit out of you, didn't he?" "What the fuck are you doing, Cletus?" "Oh, I'm sorry, Sheriff!" "I don't know what come over me!" " Oh, it hurts!" "It hurts!" " Cletus, get a hold of yourself!" "We gotta hang this fool and raise a posse, you fucking..." "You're gonna wanna put something on that." " How much of a lead you reckon we got?" " A few hours." "They'll be coming, though." "Well, in case they catch up," "I got Sparkles and I got Sunshine." "You name everything you own something girly?" "A pistol's gotta have a girl's name." "You don't walk around calling your gun Ed or Darrell or Jimbo, okay?" "That don't sound right." "I feel pretty good about old Henry here." "Yeah, I bet I can shoot anything with my two twins that you can with your stupid Henry." "Go ahead, set up a tin can." "We're in the middle of the virgin wilderness." "Where am I gonna find a tin can?" "There's one." "Oh." "Just try to hit the can." "I was so close!" "Let me go again!" " Wait a minute." " What?" "We're making an awful lot of racket." "Oh, this was my idea." "I hope you don't think that I'm a bad partner." "I'm really trying hard to be a good partner." "No, it's my fault." "I ain't quite as dumb as you." ""As dumb as you, partner. ' '" "Ebenezer, can you please stop ringing that fucking bell?" "Do you give yourself over to the mercy of Christ?" "The Lord is my shepherd," "I shall not want." "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures." "He leadeth me beside the still waters." "He restoreth my soul." "Move it along, padre." "Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over." "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me..." "Amen!" "I'm a man of the cloth." "The villains who robbed my place of business have been gone since right before dawn!" "Any man who wants to come with me to hunt them down gets his share in the reward!" "We leave in one hour!" "I'm in." "Count me in, too." "How well do you know this area?" "I know this country like the back of my hand." "What's the Colorado River, about two days' ride?" "Um..." "Yep." "Okay, here's what we're gonna do." "We'll ride together as far as the Colorado, then we'll split up." "They'll be looking for two people, not one." " Split up for good?" " Yeah, that's the idea." "I mean, it's been a pleasure and everything, but we can't spend the rest of our lives together." "But I thought we were partners." "I mean, I went through a real hard time back there." "Real hard." "I mean, you were there for me, Elmer." "I'm just learning how to trust again." "I thought cowboys were supposed to like being alone." "We do." "We do." "We like it out here on the open range, under the stars." " Must have been a deer." " Hope so." "'Cause Indians, they don't make noise." "They creep up on you, cut your throat." "Or sometimes, I hear they sneak up on you and jab a spear in your belly, stick you in the ground, watch you wiggle like a bug." "Or sometimes, I hear they slide up next to you, real quiet like, with a bag with a rattlesnake in it, with the rattler broken off, and they throw the bag over your head." " Or sometimes..." " For Christ's sake, kid." "Go to sleep." "I don't know how I'm gonna sleep with all that terrible stuff in my head." "Hey, Elmer?" "What?" "You got any britches on?" "No, I ain't got any britches on." "Yeah, me, neither." "I'm gonna try to talk to her." " How!" " How." " Oh, yeah." "This is working." " I think she knows English, Luke." "You speak White Man?" "Speak White Man fluently." "Oh, darn, she's good." "I don't even know what that last word means." "We friend." "Where'd you get the money?" "We're US Marshals." "We're transporting it to Nevada City." "And if you let us go, no harm will come to you." "Fine, we stole it." "Who'd you steal it from?" "Sheriff from a town a ways back." "Fellow named Claypool, he's not a nice man." "In fact, I'd bet everything in those bags he's on his way here now with a posse." "His deputy's a dirt miner." "How come you speak such good English, anyway?" " I went to boarding school in New York." " I've been to New York." " I didn't like it." " Terrible place." " Good Chinese, though." " Yeah, but crowded." "Well..." "Wait, wait." "Please, don't leave!" "You can have the money, just cut us loose." "What's that say?" ""US Army. ' '" "That is our nation's armed forces." " I'm a deserter!" " What do you want, a medal?" "A deserter?" "You stinking coward!" "I never would have thought that!" "My partner, a deserter!" "It's not what you think, kid." "It's no parade." "You know what it is." "I've seen nations driven off their land, people killed in cold blood." "I've done some bad things, I have, but I quit doing them." "And he's just a brokenhearted cowboy that don't know his ass from a bag of sweet potatoes." "What is that, the same as yams?" "Don't leave us here to die." "There are three of them now." " How can you tell?" " The smell!" "Oh, what is that?" "Pumpkin, cinnamon." "Yeah." "Yeah, spicy." " Yet, it's somehow meaty at the same time." " Yeah." "Hey, Sheriff?" "Are you all okay?" "It smells like a happy childhood I never did have." "Oh, God, what is that?" "It's a girl!" "Oh, damn." "Never knew they smelled so delicious." "Yeah." "Makes you kind of hungry, don't it?" "I could eat a horse." "We gotta ride those, fuck-tard!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Please!" "Please!" "Oh, he's close to me." "The Rapture is coming." "Judgment day!" "Judgment day!" "Well, then we'd better break out the good stuff." "You'd better pay heed, little sister." "The four horsemen ride." "The dead, they walk among us." "Oh, God, it was true!" "See?" "Bet you wish I would have left you for that mean sheriff, huh?" "I'll take a blistered ass over a bullet any day." "Oh, well, it's the back of my balls I'd be worried about." "Yeah, they're getting pretty raw." "Where are you taking us, anyway?" "I haven't decided." "Where are your people?" "I don't have any people." "What the hell are you doing out here, sister?" "There are army units that'll shoot you on sight." "I know." "Geronimo was my uncle." " You're famous?" " Shut up, Luke." "Oh, man, my nose itches so bad." "When I was five years old, missionaries killed my parents." "They brought me back East as their pet savage to civilize me." "And I learned how their army hunted my uncle like an animal." "Till a unit cornered him about a year ago and he threw himself off a cliff." " He made an Injun curse on all white people." " Yeah." "Well, you're not dead yet." "It's supposed to be the worstest bad medicine ever." " What, you guys don't believe in curses?" " Not really." "Sorry, kid." "That's ignorant." "I'm gonna kill every one of those soldiers if it takes me the rest of my life." "What if I told you I know where that unit's garrisoned?" "How would you know that?" "That's where we were headed when I deserted." "I still can't believe you did that." "It's bullshit." "I can get you close." "Oh, God!" "My nose, it itches so much!" "You fuck with me and I will kill you." "Oh!" "Thank you." " Ow." " Luke." "Look, I can't feel my hands!" "I have to apologize for my friend." "He's not too smart." "He's kind of cute, though." "Yeah, he does have that going for him." "I take it your name's Elmer?" " Yep." "What's yours?" " Sue." "Like, Sioux Indian?" "No." "Like Susan." "Like Susan Indian?" "Susan, meet Luke." "Elmer?" "Yeah?" " You think we could trust her?" " Well, she just decided not to kill us." "All right." "All right." "I was just asking your opinion because I respect you as my partner and all." "She's awful pretty, though, ain't she?" "For an Indian, I mean." "For an Indian." "Plus, she thinks you're cute." "You think she really meant that?" "Maybe she's just saying it." "I don't know, Luke." "You can't ever tell with an Indian." "Heck, I can't even tell with real people." "Hey!" "They're behind us." "We gotta get down." "Hey, I got an idea." "Spit it out, kid." "What if we all bushwhack them?" "We ride up through that canyon." "You set up on one side with your rifle, I'll set up on the other with my bow." "And I'll jump up from behind a bush with my six-shooters and yell," ""Stick 'em up or I'll blow you all to tarnation. ' '" "Or, "I'll shoot you so full of holes," ""ain't nobody gonna use your hide for nothing," ""especially not for toting water. ' '" " Or..." " All right, so you'll bore them to death." "I don't have to shoot them, do I?" "Why not?" "They're coming to kill you." "All right, we'll shoot them if we have to." "I'd rather just send them home." "You know, I'm starting to think that you two are a couple of ladybugs." "No, I'm a cowboy." "He's a dentist." "I've seen enough killing." "I ain't seen none of it actually, but I don't want to see it." "All right." "Fine." "I'll save it for your nation's armed forces." " We got a plan?" " We got a plan." "Nice work, kid." " Hey, Sue?" " Yeah." "There's something I want to give you." "You know, in case we don't make it." "It's beautiful." "Open it." "Thank you." "I hope they know where they're going." "Something smells good out there." "Hey, where'd that come from?" "Reach for the sky or you'll be so peppered with lead," "I could serve you for dinner with carrots and taters and no pie!" "I said, reach for the sky..." "Hey!" "That's what you get when you mess with me and my girls!" "What the hell's going on?" " They all got the Geronimos!" " Shoot them in the head!" "Fuck that!" "Run!" "Ain't nobody here." "Good." "We need supplies." "Get food, matches, blankets, bullets." "Are y'all gonna admit I was right about the curse?" "Yeah, they have it." "Great, they've got the Geronimos." "What I want to know is how we kill them." "You can't kill them, that's the whole point, dummy!" "No, maybe we can." "Undo the bad medicine with a counter-curse?" "Build a sweat lodge and purify our spirits by hitting each other with sticks?" "No, the medicine can't be undone, but the carriers lose their power if you shoot them in the head." " How do you know?" " My uncle told me when I was little." "I thought it was just a story." "That is a heck of a story to tell a kid!" "Wasn't there anything about a bunny or a train with good self-esteem or anything?" "If they bite you or wound you with their hands, they give it to you and you become one of them." "You do not want that." "I sure as heck don't." "I just feel really bad about robbing these people." "You're not robbing them." "You're their new favorite customer." "Get away, dog!" "Get away!" "Why are you poking me, Sue?" "I ain't Sue." "You were the one poking me." "Where's Sue?" "Probably down at the spring." "I'm gonna get some water." "Sorry." "Here, fill that up." "Sorry!" "You don't look that sorry." "I'm not that sorry." "Actually, I'm not sorry at all." "Well, are you just gonna stand there staring at me?" "Would that be all right?" "It'd be better if you got in here with me." "Less than a day's ride that way, right, kid?" "Uh..." "Yeah, I think so." "What do you mean, you think so?" "I thought you knew this country like the back of your hand." "Well, that's an expression, Elmer." "I mean, how well do you really know the back of your hand?" "Not as well as you're gonna get to know it if you don't give me a straight answer." "Hey!" "Stop it, both of you." "The Colorado has to be that way because that way is west." "You wait a minute." "You have at least been there, right, kid?" "The Colorado?" "Well, I haven't been there personally, no, but, you know, I have seen it on a map." "You've seen it on a map?" "What about you?" "You been there?" "The Colorado?" "Well, yeah, when I was little, but at this point I'm from New York." "If you're from New York, how come you can ride a horse and shoot a bow and arrow so good?" "Because at boarding school they had activities." "Riding, archery, fencing." "Listen, I still want to kill all those soldiers, but I think I'll take a rain check." "Right now I want to get as far away as possible from that posse of yours." "I heard that." "Let's ride." "This way." "But that's the same way I've been saying all along, Elmer." "Shit-fire." "Ain't no bullets!" "Why are we at the Grand Canyon?" "The Colorado River is at the bottom of the Grand Canyon." "Is this news to both of you?" "Geography wasn't my thing." "More of an arts and music guy." "I was remedial." "Yeah, but everybody knows that the Colorado River is at the bottom of the Grand Canyon." "I thought you were taking me to a fort at a crossing." "Sue, please don't yell." "He's the one that told you about the army and the fort and all that stuff." "That was the first time I ever heard of it." " You were lying?" " No, I wasn't lying." "He's the one that's supposed to know this country like the back of his hand." "I figured once we found the Colorado, it's either left or right to the fort." "Personally, I was gonna go straight and let you take it from there with your suicide plot against the US Army." "I should have left you two for the cursed." "It's your crazy Uncle Geronimo who set them loose." "So I don't see how either one of us is to blame for our problems right now." "You want to blame me for my uncle's curse?" "I'm not the one that drove him off a cliff, soldier." "And if I hadn't found you two idiots, they would have." "I hope this plague kills all of you white people." "I ain't that big a fan of white people, either, sister." "At least we've got fucking wheels." "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Wheels!" "The basic benchmark of civilization." "When you Indians are supposed to be so great and wise and everything, and I got sympathy for your situation, I do, but you'd still be dragging everything around on the ground if we hadn't brung wheels to this country." "And horses!" "Fucking Spanish brought you your fucking horses." "You know that?" "Before they got here, you was just a bunch of savages in diapers dragging your shit around on sticks and blankets." "Well, that is so ignorant!" "Seems like you like our guns pretty well, too, and I ain't even gonna start with the firewater shit." "Did you invent the wheel, Elmer?" "No, you didn't." "But you're going to take personal credit for Western civilization." "Your monkey ancestors happened to be born in an area with abundant founder crops, big slow ruminants, and a lateral continental axis that allowed the development of agriculture, writing and maritime technology." "Not to mention cross-species plagues, which were the real weapons of European conquest." "So you invented smallpox." "Nice going, dick!" " Monkey ancestors?" " Oh, Jesus Christ!" "Read a book!" "What the hell kind of crazy book is that shit in?" "Elmer Winslow!" "You put your hands in the air." "We got you covered from six positions, you deserting son of a bitch!" "We got him!" "Nowhere to go now!" "We got you dead to rights!" "Keep them hands in the air!" "Oh, God!" "Damn, that hurt!" "Oh, shoot." "Oh!" "Oh, shoo, shoo." "Go away." "Meat!" "Oh, God, they're everywhere." "Oh!" "You people know me!" "I want fingers!" "You know me." "Go, jailbird." "Okay, people, keep your pace up." "I'm telling you, Kermit, you got worse problems than me running off." "There's some bad medicine going around here." "You tell it to the captain, Winslow." "You know he always lets people have a few last words before the firing squad." "He ain't lying, mister." "Them Geronimonsters are hot on our trail!" "They track by scent, like wolves." "If you want to get away from them, we have to cross the river." " All right, now you're just making shit up." " No, I'm not." "I just remembered that." "They track by scent." "Winslow!" "How do you do it?" "First you steal our money..." "I won your money fair and square." "You're just a bunch of shitty card players." "First you steal our money, and then, three weeks later, you already got $10,000 more, a crazy squaw and a pet cowpoke." ""Squaw" is a really offensive term." "And I don't appreciate being called nobody's pet." "Well, you're gonna get shot like a dog, little bucko, so you might as well get used to it." "See, the captain, he don't like deserters or Indians." "You're keeping company with one of each." "Open up!" "I see I've been missing out on some good times." "No place like home." "Captain!" "I found something I think you're gonna like." "Geronimonsters!" "Hurry!" " Get my boot knife." " Why didn't I think of that?" "I need a gun." "There's one." "It has to be in the head." "Don't you dare shoot my partner!" "No!" "Cletus, you gotta start keeping track of your gun." "Get out!" "Grab Kermit's rifle!" "Elmer!" "God damn it!" "I thought you said we just had to shoot them in the head!" "How should I know?" "Maybe you have to cut it off." "But you said..." "God!" "Darn!" "How we gonna get out of here?" "Frisky?" "Frisky!" "Frisky's gone to horsy heaven." "We'll say a few words later." "You monsters!" "I loved Frisky!" "He was the best damn horse in the whole world and you ate him!" "Wait." "We don't have to get out of here." "We have to get them out of here." " How we gonna get them to leave?" " She's right." "This place is defensible." "We make them chase us." "Elmer, get the gate." "Go!" "Come on, let's go!" "You'd better let us back in!" "Come back here." "Just wanna give you a little licking." "God damn it!" "Please, put me down!" "Pole on!" "Pole!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go away!" " Go over there!" " Oh, God." "Shoo!" "Skit!" "Skedaddle!" "I don't believe that's gonna do the trick." "My uncle said nothing will make them abandon their prey." "Well, he wasn't right about shooting them in the head." "Yeah, I put enough lead in old Cletus' skull to start a pencil factory, and he was still giving out piggyback rides." "Oh, I said maybe you have to cut it off." "You can't just make up new rules whenever you feel like it." "So I guess you guys don't wanna hear how I also remembered how you can cure yourself if you get the curse." "Oh, that we wanna hear." "I'm listening." "You can cure yourself of the bad medicine by eating the living flesh of the medicine man who made it." " Your uncle's dead." " Yeah." " So that doesn't help." " No." "So what's the point of remembering something if it doesn't do any good?" " I didn't say it would do any good." " You implied it." "All right!" "Let's not fight, y'all." "We're all gonna starve or have our brains eaten, we might as well be friends." "Are you crying?" "No, I'm a cowboy." "Cowboys don't cry." "Is he okay?" "He's been through a hard time." "Look," "I wanted to tell you," "I'm sorry about the wheels and everything." "I know." "I'm gonna go." "Send down some sawbones." "What are you looking at?" "Why don't y'all just eat each other?" "Stop it." "Stop it." "Go away!" " It's me." " I know it's you." "Elmer wouldn't bother a feller at a time like this." "I'm not trying to bother you." "I just wanted to see if you're okay." "I'm not okay, okay?" "I'm not!" "I'm not okay, okay?" " You know, we're all scared." " I'm not scared." "You think I'm crying because I'm scared?" "That's embarrassing." "Well, then, what's the matter?" "Frisky." "Frisky's what's the matter." "I just can't believe he's gone." "Do you still have my locket?" "I mean your locket, the one I gave you?" "Yeah, of course I still have the locket." "Could I see it?" "Yeah, you can have it back if you want." "No, no, I don't want it back." "I just want to see it for a minute." "Okay, sure." "Sue, you are the sweetest Indian girl I have ever met." "I suppose you've met a lot of Indian girls." "No, you're the first." "That didn't come out right." "What I'm trying to say..." "Jump on the door!" "Jump on the door!" "Jump on the door!" "So, where were we?" "Oh, my God!" "No way!" "You need a light?" "Yeah, I'd be much obliged." "Even though you're a cheater, I propose we make one last deal." "What you got in mind?" "You pay back what you owe and I'll let you smoke that cigarette while you watch me eat your eyeballs." "That's why you're lousy at cards, Kermit." "You don't think ahead." "How's that?" "If you eat my eyeballs, I can't watch you eat them." "We just smashed the head off one in the cellar." "It was disgusting." "Hey, we haven't eaten in about, what?" "A whole day?" "How about we mix up some grub, you know?" "Make us one of those last tasty supper meal things down at the pot-bellied stove in the yard?" "I got a better idea." "Hey, Sue!" "God damn it, Cletus!" "What are you doing out there?" "Making a 10-pound ass baby?" "I'm sorry, Sheriff." "I was trying to pee." "How did that go, genius?" "You figure it all out?" "I think that thing we got might be worse than what we thought." "Why the fuck are you handing me a dead baby field mouse?" "It ain't a dead baby field mouse!" "You just made me touch your penis!" "Men have died for less!" "I know!" "Fuck!" "What the fuck are we gonna do about my legs?" "All right, Sue, go search the captain's office for cutlery, small metal objects." " Knives, forks, nails, anything like that." " Okay." "All right, so, what's the plan?" " You ever heard of a blunderbuss?" " No." "It's an early short-range weapon, a primitive wide-mouth shotgun." "You pack your powder in there and dump in a bunch of tacks or whatever and boom." "Doesn't go very far but you got a target radius of about 10 feet." "Okay." "What's that gotta do with this here stove?" "We're making a really big blunderbuss." "Luke!" "Elmer!" "There's still one in here!" "You hear something?" "I hear them dummies out there hollering for brains." "I thought I heard something." "What's she doing in there, shoeing a horse?" " She found some silverware, at least." " A little help!" "There's still one in there." "Open the door!" "You don't want to get serious with a girl who can fight like that." "Why not?" " Thanks for the help." " We were trying to get in." " Looks like he's really dead." " Yeah, sure does." "Okay, so..." "Swords." "I'm gonna need that." "I think it's full." "Is that Frisky's leg?" "It was the right size." "How dare you?" "I'm sorry if it was disrespectful." "I thought he'd want to help." "Yeah." "I guess he would have wanted that." "All right, I'm gonna get some more swords." "All right." "When they bust through that gate, we'll have one shot with the blunderbuss." "That building back there is our last line of defense." " Can I fire the blunderbuss?" " Can you follow directions?" "Yes, I can follow directions, Mr. Bossy." "All right, then you can fire the blunderbuss." "When that cross-beam breaks, light the fuse." "Not much longer." "Elmer?" "Damn it, Luke!" "Swords!" " My God." " I'll see you in hell, Winslow." "At least they're still dead." "That's a comfort." "And you know what else?" "We're all gonna die rich." "This isn't over yet." "It's over." "No, it ain't." "It ain't over till we're dead." "We can go down the trap door." "Maybe there's a tunnel that leads outside the fort." "That'll be great, kid." "You find the tunnel to freedom." "I'm gonna get drunk." "Come on, let's go!" "Elmer, let's go!" "Take the money!" "Forget about the money!" " Elmer told me to take the money." " Forget the money!" "That's what I said!" "Come on, Elmer!" " You look like shit, Claypool." " I'm still pretty on the inside." "We're gonna see about that." "Damn it, kid." " Don't do that." " Why not?" "We're in a basement full of ordnance." " So, this ain't a tunnel?" " Nope." " Here they come." " I guess you were right all along, Elmer." "If we're gonna die, we might as well take them all with us." "Sue, I couldn't tell you before." "I love you." "I wish I could marry you." "I wish I could have your half-breed babies." "You, too, Elmer." "I don't want to marry you." "I just wish we could keep on being partners forever." "Wait a minute." "Your matches kept going out." "Yeah." "Well, I can't seem to get a break around here, even on my last day on earth." "He means your matches keep going out, which means there's wind in here." " I can feel it." " We're in your tunnel." "Quick, feel along the walls." "There's gotta be an opening." "You guys are so darn smart." "I found it!" "It's back there behind those sacks." "I smell freedom." " Come on!" " You go." " No, I am not leaving without you!" "Come on!" " Go!" "You, too." " Are you sure?" " Run." "Go!" "Shit." " They got him!" " Elmer?" "We have to get out of here." "He's gonna blow the ordnance." "No, no, no." "It can't be over." "They can't have gotten him." "If you don't want him to die for nothing, we have to move." "She told me they got you." "I had to see for myself." "So, light the fuse, kid." "Hurry!" "I can't hold on." "Thanks, amigo." "How could you, Elmer?" "I couldn't help myself, kid." "And besides, you'll thank me in a few minutes." "Being dead feels better than you think." " Oh, God, Elmer." "I'm so scared." " Don't be such a pussy." "Cletus!" "We're on the same team now." "The bad guys." "But I still think you're an asshole." "You starting to feel hungry, kid?" " Hungry for some brains?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "All right." "Let's go find that sassy squaw and eat her from the inside out." "Give me my money!" "It's all right there." "I was gonna go to Mexico." "I was gonna drink rum and have a house on the beach!" "I was gonna own slaves, God damn it!" "I'm sorry that's not gonna work out for you, but all your money's right there." "Give it to me now!" "I didn't think you made it." "You were right about Elmer." "They got him." "What?" "Is there something on my face?" "Uh-huh." "Did I get it?" "Uh-uh." "How you doing, kid?" "I still feel kind of funny." "Just don't cry anymore." "I can cry if I want to." "I've been through..." "I know you've been through a hard time, but when you cry, it makes me uncomfortable." "Well, maybe it's time you get in better touch with your emotions, Elmer." "Maybe it is." "I've lost two women and a horse in the last few days." "That is some pretty emotional stuff." "True." "Not to mention, I thought it was over for the gang." "When did you figure it out?" ""The living flesh of the medicine man is the only cure. ' '" "As soon as she said that, I figured we got a chance." "Worse came to worse." "I still got that taste in my mouth." "Molasses?" "Something like that." "It's like a..." "It's like a cinnamon." " Gingerbread." " Yeah." "It's like gingerbread." "That's a good new name for her horse." " Gingerbread?" " Yeah." "Gingerbread." " I like it." " I like it, too." "Darn it, Gingerbread!" "I'm trying to ride off into the sunset!" " Hi, honey." " Hi." " We missed you, Daddy." " I missed you, too." "Come on, Molly." "Marker." "Nose boogers?" "And..." " Sorry." " Cut!" " Sorry." " Cut." "If you don't want him to die for nothing, we have to move!" "Cut!" "Cut!" "If you don't want him to die for nothing, we have to..." "Why are you laughing?" "Put up your..." "Fuck!" "Shit." "What does that mean?" " Just pretend they're off." " All right." " Grab that rifle." " Shoot yourself." "All right, cut." " Sorry." " Her top broke." " My top broke." " We got it from here." "These." " Be careful." " I'm okay." "Don't ruin the moment." "You don't want to get serious with a girl who can fight like that." " Why not?" " 'Cause you're gay." " Classic." " One more, one more." "Still rolling, guys, come on." "Ow!" "I don't like this." "This is good 'cause I didn't eat much last night, so my..." "I look good." "That feels better." "Coffee and man's sweat." "Caffeine and balls." " I hate you." " Shut up." "We are partners now, right?" "I mean, we just broke out of jail and all." "I mean, we're practically outlaw guys." " Fuck." "Sorry." " Okay." "Cut!" "Okay, cut." " Chris!" " What?" "Cut!" "Shut up!" "You don't want to get serious with a girl who can fight like that." "Why not?" "Cut." "All right, that was cool." "Good job, Kattan!"