"Five minutes, my little lambs." "Has anyone seen Bliss Cavendar?" "Pash, this can't be happening." "Why aren't you backstage, Brooke?" "You know how it is." "They get to a certain age, they don't want you back there." "She said she'll meet me here." "Really?" "That's odd." "It says "temporary."" "It did a minute ago, I swear." "My mom is gonna kill me." "Now, Miss Amber Black" "If I could have dinner with anyone, it would have to be God." "Because what they say is true." "God is great." "Don't tell them that I did it, okay?" "Those are the rules, you're not allowed to tell." "Let go." "I'm your only friend." "Corbi Booth, ladies and gentlemen." "If I could have dinner with anyone, it would have to be my grandfather." "I love you, Papa." "And now, also from Bodeen, Miss Bliss Cavendar." "If I could have dinner with anyone, it would be Amelia Earhart," "because not only was she a pioneer of aviation, but she was a great woman in history." "Thank you." "So enlighten me What was that little stunt all about?" "Are you trying to sabotage your chances?" "Or was it just your biological urge to make your mother look like a jackass?" "It was just a dare." "How did that work out for you?" "Not so great?" "Corbi" "Congratulations, honey Well-deserved." "Thank you." "Thumbs way up." "Thank you, Mrs. Cavendar." "Bliss is so hard to beat." "Usually." "Well, the Blue Bonnet pageant is right around the corner." "And we'll be there." "Come on, honey." "See you later See you." "I'm sorry that these pageants don't live up to your high moral standards, Bliss, but there's a lot you can learn from them, no matter what you go on to be in life." "You think you're being judged up there on that stage, but no one's asking you to be Miss America." "I wanna be Miss America." "And you're gonna be the best one ever, sweetheart." "Teeth." "Eyes." "Trudy, bless your heart for fitting us in." "Well, hell." "Shit happens." "Let me get my foils." "Now, what were you thinking, getting blue hair?" "Fourteenth drive in the red zone." "They have now given up nine touchdowns and three field goals." "We'll see how this one ends up." "He's only had one take away in the red zone." "Hey." "I won another one." "Lord, child, you are unstoppable." "And had I known what you were up to, I would have bought a ticket." "Earl." "I mean, dang it, girl, what has gotten into you?" "Just defective, I guess." "Nice parenting, Earl" "Come on, now" "I'll see you later" "Dinner." "Seriously, out of all the places to go to in the world, who would come to Bodeen?" "Them." "I mean, they're smart, at least they just pass through." "Go ahead and mock it." "But without the Blue Bonnet factory, this town wouldn't exist." "You know what, Birdman," "I think I preferred you before you got promoted." "You know, now you're all corporate." "I know." "I miss the old Birdman." "Yeah." "Ladies, don't let the tie fool you." "I'm still one of us." "But y'all are gonna have to start calling me Dwayne now." "It's more dignified." "No." "Birdman is the only thing you have going for you." "That's what you think." "Really?" "Yeah." "Hey" "Make sure they tip you this time." "Hey, what can I get you guys?" "Hey, Corbi" "So what are you, like, alternative now?" "Alternative to what?" "What's the name of that thing that if I eat it real fast, it's free?" "That's the Squealer." "You have to eat it in three minutes or less." "Yeah, you bring me a Squealer." "And I don't mean Corbi." "Let's go, buddy, pick it up." "Come on, come on." "Yes, you got it, you got it." "I can't believe you used to share a bed with her." "You make it sound very dirty." "It was just sleepovers." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Baby, do it." "Do it." "Come on, Colby!" "Yeah!" "That's my man." "Come on, Colby." "It's free, bitches!" "It's free!" "It's free!" "I was thinking maybe we could go to Austin and do some shopping." "Really?" "Teach them well and let them lead the way" "Show them all the beauty they possess inside ...them a sense of pride to make It easier" "You hate them." "Well, they don't have duct tape on them." "That's an improvement." "Hi" "Thanks." "Pretty vases." "They're great for tulips, really." "Thank you." "Yup, I changed my mind." " No, please, Bliss." " Come on." "Don't..." "Don't be embarrassed." "It's funny." "I'm supposed to buy you shoes from a head shop?" "Does that really strike you as responsible parenting?" "Fine 'cause shoes are a gateway drug." "For gosh sakes, Bliss." "It goes out of bounds near the 42 yard line." "There is a flag down." " Yeah, it's Earl." " Hello, Earl" "Can you please explain to your daughter why it's inappropriate to buy shoes in a head shop?" "Dad, it's not like that" "You took your mother to a head shop?" "Are you off your nut?" "You know, if she wasn't here and I used my own money, it wouldn't make a difference That's not the point." "Look, I am in the middle of a deal here, okay?" "So whatever you all work out is fine with me." " Give me that" " Okay?" "Earl, do you know how hard I have worked to raise these girls in a drug-free environment?" " Yes, I do." " Exactly." "Hi." "Hey, girls." "What's up?" "Hello." "Dropping my flyers off." " Perfect." " Hurl Scouts-Holy Rollers." " See you then" " Thanks, girls." "Bye." "Come on All right, let's go." "Come on." "Screw you and your grandma's Chevy Celebrity." "Here." "No, what are you doing?" "Yes, yes, yes you got stiffed on your tips again, just take it." "No." " Just take it, take it." " No." "What is this?" "Roller derby?" "This is..." "This is tomorrow." "This is in Austin." "Yeah, I know." "Will there be cute boys there?" "Hey, Mom, Dad." "We're gonna go to a football game." "It's an away game, but..." "The team kind of needs us." "No, not "kind of," they do." "Well, sure" "Hey, I'll tell you what, I'll take you." "No, it's cool." "You have your car." "Yeah, I have my car." "No, but I mean, you know, we can watch together." "Earl, let the girls go on and have their fun." "And then you and I can nuzzle." "I kind of feel bad lying to them." "I don't." "I give my parents straight A's." "I get freedom." "Don't say I never gave you anything." "Okay, everybody, and welcome to skate night at the Warehouse." "I'm a little hung-over tonight, so I..." "Anyway, let me introduce you to our first team." "Coming to you from the streets of Austin, men, hold on to your cookies, it's the Hurl Scouts." "Number 99, captain of the Hurl Scouts, Maggie Mayhem." "Number 69, Bloody Holly." "Number 3, Rosa Sparks" "Number 2, Smashley Simpson" "Razor Magee's Hurl Scouts have come in last place three years running." "This league has five teams, each with their own theme." "What outlaw do we have skating against the Hurl Scouts this fine Texas evening here?" "I'm talking about the girls so bad that even God can't keep them in line." "Give it up for the undefeated Holy Rollers." "Last season's champs are led by their captain, the league's leading scorer, Iron Maven." "Yeah, she's the one from the flyer." "I'm feeling hot in these polyesters right now, baby." "Ladies and gentlemen, let's play some roller derby!" "A jammer scores a point in this course by passing members of the opposite team." "Maven gets a great jump." "That's fast." "And she's out to an early lead." "Iron Maven, ladies and gentlemen." "Folks, the ones to watch tonight are the jammers." "Those are the ones with the stars on their helmets." "Some of you might remember watching derby on TV back in the '70s, but it was reborn right here in the heart of Texas, a true Austin tradition." "Maven's heading up on the outside but it's real crowded in there." "That's a big hit by Rosa Sparks." "Jackie Daniels is down." "Lucky for the Hurl Scouts this is only an exhibition bout because the Rollers are in control." "Thank you, Maggie." "I just wanna tell you all that you're my new heroes." "It's your first time here?" "Yeah." "Well, put some skates on, be your own hero." "The last time I wore skates, they had Barbies on them." "Hey, you know, none of us knew our ass from an elbow pad when we started." "You should come to tryouts on Tuesday." "You have to be 21." "You're 21, right?" "Two..." "I'm 22." "Yeah, I just had my..." "I had my birthday, so..." "Great, it's this Tuesday at 5:00." "It is?" "Yeah." "I'm Maggie, Maggie Mayhem." "I'm Bliss, but I can change that." "Yeah, you'll have to change that." "Don't be late." ""Twenty-two." "Just had my birthday."" "Twenty-one, it's a red flag." "Twenty-two is way more believable." "I guess, 'cause you're not actually gonna do it, so I guess it makes sense." "Why don't you and I try out?" "Excuse me?" "I didn't have a Barbie-roller-skating phase." "Okay?" "I had a fat-kid-sits-inside- and-reads-a-book phase." "You know that." "Well, what makes you think I won't try out?" "Because you'd be scared to go without me." "And those roller derby girls, they're tough." "And you are not." "How dare you?" "Not to mention your mom." "She doesn't have to know." "You don't have the balls." "I can grow the balls." "No way." "Hey!" "Do you have room for one more?" "I like your hair." "Thanks, hon." "I do it myself." "All right, next stop, downtown Austin." " Hey." " Hey." "What's your derby name?" "Pocket Rocket." "What's yours?" "Jaba the Slut." " Hey, you made it." " Oh, yeah." "Yeah, I'm glad you came." "Thanks." "What is that?" "That would be Razor." "He's our coach." "He's a good guy." "And he really knows his derby." "All right, ladies." "Let's roll." "Ooh, jeans shorts" "Every single day." "Meet the Manson sisters." "Gift from the Ottawa Women's Hockey League to the Hurl Scouts." "They both seem really aggressive." "Maybe we can finally win a few this year." "Maybe." "All right, listen up, fresh meat." "There's a lot more to derby than fishnets and picking out a tough name." "This is a sport." "Now, the league has six spots open." "So whatever shred of talent you have, hope you leave it out on the track for me today." "Okay, what is it?" "Sorry" "Just what are the rules?" "Derby 101, people." "Four blockers from each team are lined up on the track." "Ten feet behind them, two jammers are lined up, one from each team." "We're the ones who score." "First whistle blows and the pack takes off." "Then a second whistle blows and the jammers take off." "Some of us faster than others." "Once the jammer breaks through the pack, she hauls ass around the track a second time and tries to score." "For every player on the opposing team the jammer passes, she gets a point." "Most points wins the game every single time." "Now, line up and get you some." "Get up." "Go, ladies!" "Move it!" "Up, up, up, go!" "Looking good, Barbie." "It's roller derby, not cotillion." "Come on, put a hit on somebody." "God damn it, Diane!" "Hey." "That move will get you tossed from a game." "There's no place in this sport for that." "What?" "Okay, sorry." "But I like the aggression." "Is it bad?" "No." "Forty-one, gotta improve on that. 39. 32, not bad." "Twenty-nine." "Let's go." "Twenty-three?" "Looks like you've got some competition." "Yeah, yeah, wake me when she learns how to throw a hit." "Or take one." "Hey, you're Iron Maven." "That's right, kiss-ass." "Why don't you suck up a little harder?" "There's still part of your face that doesn't have doodie on it." " Nice shorts." " Help." "Can somebody help me?" "I..." "Just kidding." "Hey, by the way, you made it, you're a Hurl Scout." "Nice work out there." "Your feet are on fire." "They're on fire." "Seriously, look, they're on fire." "You're changing your schedule?" "Well, I have to." "You know, for practice." "Don't leave me alone with Birdman." "You can change yours to mine." "I can't." "I'm actually taking an SAT class, remember?" "Shania, I am not cleaning Salisbury steak sauce off of that fringe again." "Hey, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm gonna change my work schedule to Mondays, Wednesdays, 'cause I wanna take an SAT class on Tuesdays, Thursdays." "I'm impressed." "Me, too." "I like smart girls, that's why I married your mama." "Well, that and I knocked her up." "Shouldn't..." "Shouldn't we, like, be practicing soon?" "Yeah, hurry up, you guys, we don't wanna be late." "Careful, Pee-Wee here might get the idea we actually win." "You don't?" "Hell, no never." "All that "We're Number 1" corporate crap doesn't apply." "Our bad attitude's an asset here." "Okay, ladies." "Check it out." "Hot off the presses, brand new playbooks compiled by yours truly." "Your hands clean?" "Yes, my hands are clean." "Pay particular attention to Play Number 3." "I think it's gonna blow your doors off." "Smashley, you're late as per usual." "I know." "Well, then you must also know that there's nothing cool about being late." "Hey..." "Let's hit the track." "Who's up for Lovejoy's later tonight?" "$2 pitchers." "Beer?" "I'm in." "Me, too." "I'm in." "You weren't invited." "I'm still in." "There's no such thing as a scrimmage." "We practice the way we play." "Maven, you know what to do." "Bliss, show me something good." "You ready?" "Am I ready?" "Let's go, ladies." "Skate." "Don't block your own player, let's go." "Crossover the turn, stay low." "Crossover the turn." "Bend those knees." "Bend those knees." "Bend those knees." "What the hell was that?" "You had Maven beat, but she smoked you 'cause you're too scared to throw a hit." "And then you quit." "I need you to be a lot more..." " I want you to start being a lot..." " Ruthless." "Yeah." "That's right, you little peanut, I need you to be ruthless." "This is a contact sport, Bliss." "Eventually I'm gonna need you to make contact." " Next group up." " Back off, Razor" " Just ignore him" " We do." "Seriously." "I mean, he's right." "I'm not cutting it." "You know what I like to think about before every game?" "My ex." "Little piece of advice, Bliss." "Don't fall for your regional manager and think that he's not gonna give you crabs because he cheated on you, 'cause it happens." "And when I think about myself in the shower, using that special shampoo, which, for the record, doesn't make anyone feel very special at all." "I really, really wanna hit somebody." "You have to find that thing that really pisses you off and you use it." "Have you ever had crabs?" "No." "No, okay, my doctor said it was really common, but..." "B- man, come on." "What do you say?" "Pash has to come." "You know, it's my first game." "Yeah, well, what about me?" "I mean, did anybody bother to think." ""Hey, Birdman might appreciate hot girls in fishnets and roller skates" ""beating the crap out of each other"?" "No, they did not." "Do you wanna come, too?" "Yeah, but I can't." "I have a prior engagement." "I'm covering for Pash." " Yes, we love you." " Birdman." " Yeah?" " You know we love you." " Thank you." "We do." " You know that, right?" "Yeah, yeah." "Not enough." "We're crazy about you." "You can never have too much eyeliner." "Or Lash Blast." "Here's a little gift from the team." "Safety is sexy" "You'll need these, too." "Those are just sexy." "Guys, thanks." "Let the bout come to you." "Let the bout come to you." "So, are you ready for your big debut?" "Has anyone ever thrown up on the track before?" "Yeah." " Let's get them." " Kill them dead." "Skate fast, skate hard." "I'm gonna puke." "During the day, they go by Peggy, Francine," "Tammy, and Rachael, but here..." "All right, let the bout come to you." "Okay." "One, two, three, kick ass!" "And they're off!" "Jamming for the Widows, Eva Destruction against the Hurl Scouts." "Bloody Holly who makes her way out to the pack." "And, oh, she passes the block with a beautiful backward skating." "But wait a second, from out of nowhere," "Eva Destruction shows up right on her tail." "Each girl the jammer passes, they get a point." "Pass a girl, get a point." "And she's gotten the first seven points of the game." "And the Widows take the lead." "Hey, Black Widows, my spidey senses are tingling." "About to make a sequel in my pants." "Yeah, Spider-Man 3 and a Half?" "Yeah, it is three and a half inches wide." "Air trombone, yeah." "Nice jam, man." "That was amazing." "Thanks." "Yeah." "Thank you." "Where did you learn to skate like that?" "Well, I once tried out for the Olympics, but that didn't exactly work out." "You gotta maintain the triangle configuration." "I've been over it and over it with you guys." "What do you want to do?" "Come on." "I don't need to do the triangle I need to get up there and..." "It's the second quarter and we have Manson Number 1 jamming for the Hurl Scouts." "This is a rough contact sport." "These girls are lean, mean skating machines." "And they gotta go fast if they wanna get past the blockers who are trying to knock them down." "And by "knock them down," I mean "beat them to a pulp."" "Eva's gonna grab another four points, bringing the Widows' score to 26 over the Hurl Scouts' 10." "Team captain Maggie Mayhem doing the honors for the Hurl Scouts, but..." "Getting Widows jammer Honey Suck it back for that rail check and Whiskey sweeps Manson Number 2 out of the way, making room for Honey to widen the gap to collect another three points there as we go into halftime." "That makes the score 29-10." "They say the Scouts have the most loyal fans, and being the worst team in the league, Lord knows they need them." "Oh, Rosa Sparks, no, you didn't." "God damn it." "Okay, folks, the Widows have a pretty comfortable lead here late in the game." "Hurl Scouts coach Razor still sticking with Smashley Simpson as the jammer." "She's up against the Widows' speed woman, Honey Suckit." "The Widows' jammer hip-checks Smashley." "Well, our favorite Whole Foods checkout girl is about to bag her some Honey." "Clean-up on Aisle 5." "With time left for only one more jam, and the game out of reach," "Smashley Simpson is out of here." "Okay, you're in." "Show me why they call you Ruthless." "Go get you some." "Okay, Austin, get ready to meet your newest Hurl Scout." "Here she is, Number 22, the fastest thing on eight wheels, Babe Ruthless." "Babe Ruthless?" "All right." "Go, Babe Ruthless!" "All right, it's the final jam of the night." "I like the taste of fresh meat." "And Razor, with nothing to lose, throws the rookie into the last jam on her very first game." "And dang." "Babe Ruthless gets a double shove to the rail served up by Whiskey." "But she's back up like a Weeble." "Okay, okay, that's good." "She darts down the inside and heads towards the outside and makes a run for it out of the pack." "Oh, but here comes Eva Destruction, still skating strong, hoping to ruin Babe's debut." "Ruthless is out of the pack." "She's coming around for her points." "That's my best friend." "That's my best friend." "Rumor has it that Ruthless blew away the judges in speed trials, and you could certainly see why tonight." "And now Manson Number 1 takes out Eva." "Feeling the heat Ruthless is bringing, and she gets through for the score." "And Ruthless gets four points." "Go, Babe Ruthless!" "Babe Ruthless scored the last four points of the game, but the Widows take this one home." "Congratulations, you still suck." "That's great." "Celebrate mediocrity, that's fantastic." "Yeah, it's all a big joke." "We came second." "We came second." "You came second." "We came in second out of two teams." "Nice." "We're number 2, we're number 2." "We're number 2." "We're number 2." "Razor, come on you did good." "Well, I didn't throw up." "That'll do." "Good thing." "Oh, my God I take back what I said about you not being tough." " You kicked ass." " Really?" " And I saw that guy you liked." " You did?" "But then I lost him." " Bliss." " Hey, Hot Tubs." "Oh, I can't." "I gotta get home to my man." " No." " Yes." "Great game." "Yeah, man, that was good." "What's Hot Tubs?" "Well, here at the Warehouse, he's Johnny Rocket." "But here he's "Hot Tub" Johnny." "Even though he's not allowed in, we started calling him "Hot Tub"" "until he got us one." "All right." "Check it out." "No, that's the thing." " Coke?" " You swallowed?" "That's hilarious." "Not in this lifetime, Johnny." "Or the next one." "Hey!" "What's up, ladies?" "Should we help him?" "Nah, that's her fiancé." "He loves it." " That's my fiancé" " Hey." "You know, there's some stuff I'm pretty sure I could teach you." "Johnny." "Y'all check it out." "He's not even in anymore, man." "Hey, man, check this out." "That's not a bruise." "That's a bruise." "Yeah, you look pretty good That's nice, huh?" "Pash?" "Nice choice." "Yeah?" "Yeah, and I love this one." "So where you from?" "Well, I hail from the bustling metropolis known as Bodeen, Texas." "The tiny town, right?" "Off of South 84?" "That would be the one." "You live alone?" "Roommate." "Me, too." "Four of them." "Why Bodeen?" "If you don't mind me asking what do you do there?" "By day, I work at the Oink Joint." "But by night..." "Oliver!" "Oliver!" "Oliver!" "One second." "Oliver!" "Get your ass down here you left Jasper's guitar in your car." "All right, dill weed." "Shut up, douche bag." " Nimrod." " Tampon." "Tool." "What are you doing in approximately five and a half minutes?" "No official plans." "Great." "I'll go bring you something." "There she is." "All by herself." " Hey." " Don't fight it." "Let's get a beer." "Oh, my God." "Okay, you can make out with him, but that is it." "Who are you, my mother?" "Pash?" "Savage and I have been looking everywhere for you." "Yeah, I bet." "My belly hurts." "There's a storm in there." "It really does, though." "Come on, hold on." "Hold on." "Let's get this." "It's cool." "I swallowed it." "No, come on." "Just stick your fingers in your throat." "No, you stick your finger down your throat." "Pash." "Have you ever thought about your parents making love?" "Your dad's naked body?" "What?" "His balls jiggling." " Sweaty." " No." "That's not fair." "Could you get me a washcloth?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry I ruined your kind of date." "But I want dirt." "His name's Oliver." "It's a great name." "Yeah, if you like wayfaring Dickensian orphans." "You're gonna have to roll over you smell like a dead goat." "Sorry." "Hey, girl." "How was the sleepover?" "Fine." "Bliss, are you ready yet?" "The Blue Bonnet brunch is in an hour." "Did you forget?" "You think you have all the time in the world, but there's not many girls who are both smart and pretty like you." "And I hate to admit it, but the pretty part doesn't last forever." "You got to make the most of what you have while you can." "Nobody tells you that." "Mom, you're still really beautiful." "Save your sarcasm for later." "How's your inspiration speech coming?" " I'm working on it." " You want me to read it?" " Not yet." " Later?" "Bodeen, Bodeen, Bodeen, Bodeen." "Someone get me out of here, Bodeen." "It's depressing in the sticks." "I'm all over these racist hicks." "And I'm jonesing for an Austin fix." "Yeah." "That's right." "Oh, my God, it's him." "What do I do?" "Go ask him if he wants a Squealer." "Are you stalking me?" "No, ma'am." "I happen to be here in Bodeen on business craving some barbeque." "And, yeah, I'm stalking you." "Okay." "Can you take a break?" "You owe me." "I wasn't even supposed to work today." "I love you." "Is this you?" "Technically, it's my brother's band." "But, yes, I'm in it." "And I'll be taking that from you now." "Wow." "From here it kind of looks like you're wearing a Stryper T-shirt." "Stryper?" "Yeah, '80s Christian heavy metal." "I mean, "In the name of Jesus, we rock."" "Well, I suppose if it's in His name then." "What's this?" "What's this three million five hundred and..." "Oh, that's nothing." " You wanna know?" " I wanna know." "It's a little thing called a high score." "At just the right..." "Go." "Nice shot." "Is this what you do with all the girls?" "You take them here to show off your skills?" "Yeah." "And it usually works, too." "Oh, yeah?" "Maybe we should do something different." "I should probably get to practice." "Shit." "I think I might have lost my keys." " Marco." " Polo." "Marco." "Polo." "Marco!" "Polo!" "Found them." "Cool, I guess we can go now." "Oops." "I'm gonna kill you." "I'm gonna tear you up." "I know." "I am going to..." "I realize this." "I realize this." "Holy crap, you guys." "We almost won that one." "Yeah, almost." "You know, Razor's play actually worked." "Man, maybe we ought to learn new plays." "What's up, Hurl Scouts?" "That was so good out there." "It was really cute to see y'all trying so hard." "I hate her." " Bliss." " Yeah?" "Remember all that stuff I said about winning not mattering?" "Forget it." "I wanna beat that cocky bitch." "Me, too." "On my team." "Yeah!" "Look what Corbi did." "With all that combined brain power, this is the best they could come up with?" "They got your freckles." "That they did." "Hey, are you all right?" "You can't do that." "She just did." "We deserve better villains." "Just a few minutes gone by, but the game is already falling into a familiar pattern, giving the Fight Attendants an 18-to-6 lead." "Okay, ladies, we're getting beat, but we got the playbooks." "Time to show these Fight Attendants a few tricks of our own." "Let's run Play Number 3." "Stampede." "Number 3?" "Yeah." "I think we only got to Number 2." "Like, one and a half" "You didn't learn a goddamn thing, did you?" "What's it gonna take for you guys to pull it together?" "You know what?" "That's it." "Hold this." "Did he just take Number 3?" "Come on." "That's all I'm saying, just skate on through." "Hey, what's up, Razor?" "Ready to forfeit?" "Forfeit my ass." "Run this play." "What do I look like?" "An idiot?" "Anyway, I've got my own plays." "Here's $20." "You know how little money I have." "You run the play." "You don't score at least three points, you got another 20 coming at the end of the bout." "Just run the play, Jeff." " You all right?" "Let's skate." " Yeah." " Ladies, we've got a change of plan" " What?" "Hey, don't let that traitor throw you." "Let's hit him where it hurts." "Did Razor just coach the other team or did my peyote just kick in?" "I don't even know what's coming on 'cause I don't know what's coming around the corner." "Fight Attendants are about to take on the sky." "Whoa!" "Holy crap, a 180 turn." "Kami Kaze makes her way through the rubble to score an easy four points." "Fight Attendants, 22, Hurl Scouts, 6." "Is that Play Number 3?" "Works pretty well, doesn't it?" "You suck." "You turncoat." "Want me to give them Play Number 4 now?" "No." "Okay, take a knee." "Okay, I wanna put what just happened behind us." "I know I've moved on." "We're gonna run Play Number 2." "Fire and Smashley, you at least know the first half of that, right?" "Yes." "Okay." "Then get out there and get you some." "Hey, Scouts." "You mind finishing your little Family Feud huddle?" "Survey says you're wasting our time." "Let's go ape shit." "Yeah." "Coming out of halftime and an alternate universe," "Coach Razor puts former figure skater Bloody Holly in the jammer position, who launches furiously into the pack." "The team is on their game now, pushing Bloody to the front." "And she makes it through Bitch and Cooke Flake grabbing a total of eight points for the Hurl Scouts." "Come on, come on!" "The Hurl Scouts are catching up in points for the first time ever." "As this space oddity continues," "Babe Ruthless uses her speed to fly by..." "Oh!" "Axels of Evil knocks her down." "But she's back up." "Here they come around the turn." "A choreographed move from the Hurl Scouts." "Has to be from Razor's playbook." "That makes the score 58-58, a first in the history of the Hurl Scouts." "I can't believe I'm saying this, but the Hurl Scouts are tied." "We got a tie game here, folks." "Oh, but Smashley goes down." " Really?" " Bitch." "What the..." "No." "Ooh, watch out, Tammy." "Here comes Smashley" "Get off me, you psycho." "We've got two girls brawling on the track." "I don't know whether to break it up or break out the video camera." "Hell hath no fury like a woman fouled." "That's not legal." "By day, these ladies are your favorite waitresses, nurses, teachers." "But by night these girls give the crowd what they came for." "Smashley Simpson is out of here." "We're only moments to go and the Hurl Scouts have managed to squeak out in front." "We're at a 70-67." "Hurl Scouts!" "Okay, grab her wrists, hold on tight." "Go." "Play Number 8." "You ready for the whip?" "Put your arm out, I'll be there." "It's the final seconds of the game." "Manson ramps Cookie Rumble, and the Hurl Scouts attempt a classic move in derby." "Babe and Maggie go for the whip, and it's effective." "Nothing gives you speed like the whip." "A whip!" "Ruthless is flying into the pack while her teammates are doing a downright professional job of clearing the way." "She picks up one, two, three, four points." "Break out the merit badges. 74-67." "The Hurl Scouts have finally won one." "Fight Attendants, this is your captain speaking." "It's gonna be a long, bumpy ride back to Loserville." "So if you have your..." "You win the game." "If you run the plays, you win the game!" "How about them Hurl Scouts?" "Yeah, how about them Hurl Scouts?" "How about them Hurl Scouts?" "Touché, ladies." "Touché." "We got to run the plays." "We run the plays, we win the game." " We'll do our homework" " Every time." "There're only 10 of them." "It's not..." "Not rocket science." "Let's get those Holy Rollers!" "Yes!" "Murray." "Murray." "Murray!" "Please tell me you did not shove Corbi Booth over a rail." "Actually, I did." "Corbi has a huge bruise on her leg." "I know that you're just too bohemian to care, but she has to cheer tonight." "And she's gonna go through with it?" "What an athlete." "I'd like to speak to the parents alone." "She's passing one, two, three girls." "That's three points." "If you're still having trouble following the game, folks, don't worry, you're not the only one." "We'll keep track of the score for you." "You keep track of the fishnets." "This is a whole new Hurl Scouts on this four-game winning streak they're on." "They ain't playing scared, that's for sure." "Number 22 pulls it off again, earning another merit badge." "Looks like she's on her way to rookie of the year, and I can't think of anyone in recent history more deserving." "Oh!" "They gave her the whip" "You wanted it and they gave it to you, folks." "You've been whipped." "Nothing gives you speed like the whip." "And the Scouts, they go for another one, inching even closer to a slot in the championship." "So my brother's been working on some dates." "And it looks like this tour thing is actually gonna happen." "That's really great." "Yeah, I guess." "Thirty-four days crammed into a crappy van with four other dudes." "Like a bathroom on wheels or something." "That's a long time." "No, it's cool." "Look, you'll be doing your thing, I'll be doing mine." "It'll go by fast, you'll see." " Hit it." " Oh, yeah, baby." "Yeah." "Go, go, go, baby Yeah." "I love it." " Oh, my God" " Do it." "No, I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know." "Blisster?" "What are you doing?" "I'm watching the game." "That's what I tell the folks at work, I'm cutting out early." "I tell your mom I'm coming home late." "Dad, I'm not gonna tell her." "Why do you feel like you have to lie to her?" "You gotta pick your battles with your mother because she is a fighter." "This Blue Bonnet deal means so much to her." "And I think it's really nice, you going along." "But you know there's more to life than beauty pageants." "You know that, right?" "I'm aware." "All right." "I'll shut up." "Can I have one?" "No, you may not, but you can have a sip of mine." "Oh!" "He took it to him." "That was a nice..." "That was a good block." "Since when do you like football?" "I don't." "I better go." "Hey, listen up." "Just a brief announcement, then you get right back to your food." "The championship bout is November 12th." "You got your flyers right there." "If the Hurl Scouts win one more game, we're in it." "Good luck with that." "Now I'd like to yield the floor to Miss Eva Destruction." "Love you, Eva." "Thank you." "In the grand derby tradition, as you know, the new poster girl is revealed by a member of another team." "Sorry, Widows." "Suck on this, girls!" "Yes!" "Very cute." "Very cute indeed." "One for our team, man!" "There she is." "Yeah, yeah." "Make the face." "Make the face." "Do it." "Exactly" "Congratulations, Ruthless." "Hey, Smash." "What's up, Maven?" " Hurl Scouts." " What up?" "I just wanna congratulate you on your new poster child." " Yeah." " Thanks." "Yeah, you worked hard for that, didn't you?" "That's really kind of you." " Hey." " Hey, hey." "Hey." "You guys hang on a sec." "That's okay." " It's just a French fry." " Maven, man" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Ruthless, yeah." " Okay I love it" " I love it." "I like banana cream, but I like chocolate, too." "Food fight!" "Gorgeous." "Just beautiful." "How's your speech coming?" "It's good." "Okay, turn around" "What is that?" "Oh, it's..." "I tripped at work." "Are you okay?" "It's a bruise." "I can handle it." "It looks like it'll hurt." "It's fine." "You got to be kidding me." "Oh, shit." "This is an important game, folks." "This is the last game before the championship." "The winner today goes on to the big game." "And Ruthless is your lead jammer and she gets through." "And the Scouts score four points." "The Hurl Scouts have won!" "Listen to how high my voice is." "I need an hour of Oprah." "I'm like a woman." "I need a white wine spritzer." "By order of the fire marshal, you are hereby ordered to evacuate the building." "Well, this game is over, folks." "The Holy Rollers are already in the championship, so now the Hurl Scouts will play the Rollers in the championship game on November 12th." "Come on, man, roller derby is not a crime." "Illegally filling a warehouse..." " ... with too many people is." " Wait here, I gotta go find Oliver." "Hey, hey, you two." "I need to see your ID." "I was just leaving." "Look, you can show me your ID, or you can go to jail." "Young lady, what was that you just disposed of?" "Seventeen, huh?" "Don't you think you're kind of far from home?" "That's why I was leaving." "Yeah, good idea." "Hey." "Hi, come on." "What do you say?" "Cherry Slurpees to celebrate our last night?" "I gotta find Pash." "Where the hell have you been?" "We got a phone call from Pash's parents at about 3:00 in the morning." "That wasn't fun." "This is your SAT class?" "Excuse me, what are you doing?" "You can't do that." "I paid for those." "Hey, you lied, kiddo, all right?" "That dog ain't gonna hunt." "Okay all right, I screwed up." "I get it, but what was I supposed to..." "Was I supposed to ask for permission?" "I mean, you would have just said no." "You're damn straight, we would have said no." "What do you think, that the world thinks of those girls with all their tattoos?" "Do you think they have an easy time finding a job?" "Or getting a loan application?" "Or going to a decent college?" "I think it depends on the girl." "Or finding a husband?" "No, you just limit your choices." "Seriously, you need to stop." "You really need to stop shoving your psychotic idea of '50s womanhood down my throat." "And pageants?" "I mean, what have they ever done for you?" "That's my point, Bliss!" "I didn't have a mother.." " .. to navigate all my opportunities." " Jesus Christ." "I am in love with this." "I mean, don't you get it?" "It won't last." "In two or three years, it'll be over." "This is a moment." "Well, how great is that?" "You don't understand." "You will when you have to support yourself." "I do support myself." "No, you don't." "You buy shoes." "You're full of shit." "You know what, actually..." "Hey." "Hey, you calm down, little lady." "Why don't you go back to your turtle shell so you don't have to freaking confront anything?" "You all right?" "I just don't wanna talk about it." "Pash, come on." "You told me to wait for you." "I was so busy waiting for you that I didn't notice the cop coming over to arrest me for an open container." "Shit, are you okay?" "No, actually I'm not okay, all right?" "On top of everything, my parents decided to put a GPS in my car so they can track my every goddamn move." "So what's your problem?" "Hope the joyride with your boyfriend was worth it." "Wait, wait." "How is this my fault, okay?" "I didn't put that drink in your hand." "You know what?" "I'm ecstatic that you have this whole new life and you have all new friends and it's great." "But I'm trying to get out of this armpit of a town just as much as you." "And last time I checked, getting arrested is not the kind of extracurricular that Ivy League schools are looking for." "Do you really think that this roller derby career of yours is going anywhere?" "That's not what it's about." "Oh, yeah, right." "I'm sorry, Pash." "Thanks for letting me stay." "Anytime." "That's Riley back there." "He's my little man." "So that's why you never come out with us?" "Yeah, he pretty much owns my ass." "Don't you, Rile?" "Okay, first stop, sitter." "Then the Warehouse." "Ruthless, Ruthless, Ruthless." "Maven, Maven, Maven?" "Hey, guess how old I am." "Twenty-seven?" "Oh, that's sweet." "I'm 36" "Guess when I started skating." "I was 31." "'Cause it took me that long to find one thing that I was really good at." "And you know what?" "I worked my ass off to get it." "Yeah, me, too." "It's too bad you're only 17." "What do you think the league is gonna say when they find that out?" "Or your teammates, when they find out you've been lying?" "That's gonna be rough." "Maven, please." "Look..." "No, you look." "One day it will be your time, Ruthless, but it's not your time now." "And if I was you, I wouldn't even bother lacing up those skates." "Fuck." "It's Oliver, I'm running with the bulls right now." "Hey, Oliver." "I just need to talk to you." "I..." "I'm calling you from a payphone." "Look, I've left home." "I..." "You know, this..." "I don't..." "I don't wanna do this on voicemail, so maybe you can get me on Maggie's phone." "512-697-4998" "And then we can just..." "We can talk later." "Okay, bye." " Oink Joint" " Hey, B." "Hey, Bliss." "Is Pash there?" "She's not here." "Yeah, okay." "Bye." "If, you know, you hear a hint of pain in my voice when I say that I've lost my best friend.." ".. to a gang of roller skating she-males and that the only highlight of my night was serving corn to an old man who can't even chew it, then I'd say you're wrong." "I'm happy." "Okay, that was odd." "Oddly glorious." "Ruthless, what's up?" "I just had something I wanted to tell you all." "Seventeen!" "?" "What if you'd gotten hurt?" "Her parents could sue the league, you guys." "I know." "We're in enough trouble with the fire marshal as it is." " Exactly." " You know what?" "She can still play.." ".. as long as she gets permission from one of her parents." "I can't." "I'm not even living at home right now." "Well, even though you can't skate with us, and you're a big liar." "You're still a Hurl Scout." "Yeah, you could be our mascot." "You can't understand until you have one, everything changes." "Yeah, that's what my mom always says." "But you're not really like her, though." "Oh, I'm the cool aunt?" "Yeah." "Why don't I just cut school and hang out with you guys today?" "Bliss, I know what it's like to wanna do your own thing, believe me, I do." "But maybe there's a way you can do it without making your parents feel like crap?" "What?" "I've just been thinking." "I think maybe you're being a little selfish with your mom." "Okay, no." "She's the one who has been shoving her agenda down my throat since day one." "First of all, you're lucky to have a mom that even cares." "And just because she's wrong about derby, doesn't mean she's wrong about every single thing." "And if Riley ever lies to me the way you lied to your parents." "He wouldn't even be able to run away 'cause I'd break his legs." "I'm just kidding, honey." "That was a joke." "I am here for you, but just because you've found a new family doesn't mean you throw the old one away." "Have a swell day at school, sweetheart." "You didn't see that, did you?" "Please don't judge me right now." "Whoever he is." "He doesn't deserve you." "Come here." "I feel sick." "I know you do." "I gave him everything." "No, don't say that." "No, it's true." "I did." "That's a lot to process." "She was wearing my Stryper T-shirt." "I just don't understand how he could do that." "Your T-shirt?" "It's the only cool thing you own." "That you'd know about." "Stryper." "Mom, this isn't..." "This isn't working." "I know." "You just make me feel so guilty." "That's not what I want." "I deserve it sometimes." "Well, I know I can go overboard sometimes." "But when the person that you love more than anything tells you that you suck, it..." "If you want me to do the Miss Blue Bonnet pageant, I will." "No, no, no, no." "We're way past that." "No, it's not a big deal." "I mean, we already got the dress." "Don't do it for me." "Fine, I'll do it for myself." "Look who's back." "Hi." "Glad you're safe." "I shouldn't have said those things to you." "Already forgotten, kiddo." "She's trying to look pathetic on purpose." "How long you gonna hold onto that grudge?" "Thanks." "Pash, I'm sorry." "You see, I just..." "Come on." "I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry." "I know." "Just keep..." "Keep saying it." "Yeah." "Over and over again, please." "Yeah, I will." "I'll keep it up." "So what happened?" "God, I just feel like such..." "I'm stupid." "I'm just..." "I feel so stupid for falling for it." "Yeah, that's why I like a good fondling, you know?" "It's so much simpler." "Well, while you were off gallivanting, I..." "I got some news." "What..." "What..." "What's..." "I got into some colleges." "Wow!" "My parents want me to go to Johns Hopkins, but I think I'm gonna go to Columbia." "I know." "I'm gonna see what it's like to live in New York for a little while." "That's amazing." "Do you still have his stupid jacket?" "Did he turn into a handsome prince?" "No, he stayed a Birdman." "But the worst part is, he's actually a good kisser." "Really good." "Congratulations are in order." "Uh, no." "Let's not encourage this." "I like Birdman." "He's nice." "Hey, Bliss, somebody on the phone for you." "A Maggie Mayhem?" "Well, look at you." "I got a makeover." "Yes, you did." "Hello." "Ruthless, it's the championship." "Don't even tell me you can't make it." "I can't." "Is it her mom?" "Let me talk to her." "I'll knock her out." "Just tell your mom it's important." "The pageant is the same day as the game, and I can't." "Well, you have to try harder and you have to make it work." "We need you." " Let me talk to her mom." " Bye." "I'll kick her in her..." "You're selling out." ""Babe Ruthless."" "A classic move in derby." "Babe and Maggie go for the whip, and it's effective." "Nothing gives you speed like a whip." "Look at Ruthless fly." "Excuse me, ladies." "I'm looking for Maggie, Maggie Mayhem." "Good pageant, y'all." "Love the dress, Amber." " We'll have to break through." " I know." "What time is it?" " Your gown is custom, huh?" " Yeah." "It's beautiful." "Thanks." "Your dress is nice too Amber." " Hey." " Hey." "We need to talk." "Ma'am, put down the lip gloss." "Step away from the mirror." "What are you all doing here?" "Are you..." "You're just springing this on me now?" "I know the timing sucks, but I've been thinking." "You know, I'm not so bothered by her playing this roller derby." "In fact, I think it's kind of neat." "I went on the website, they got Blisster's pictures all over." "And it looks like they're having a ton of fun." "Earl, we just spent a lot of money on a custom-made gown." "And you want her to just up and quit?" "Yeah, but her team is in the league championships." "The game's tonight." "$800, Earl." "I can take losing the money." "I cannot take losing the chance for our kid to be happy." " I love her." " Yeah, she looks nice" " Really sweet." " Bliss." "You guys gotta hide, my mom's coming." " Bliss." " Seriously you guys have to hide." "Bliss." "Your daddy is about to come in here and tell you that he thinks it's okay for you to go off and play roller derby." " I don't agree." " Mom." "When you told me that you weren't doing the Miss Blue Bonnet for me, did you mean it?" "Well, good luck." "Come on, ladies." "What are we waiting for?" "Ready to play!" "Okay!" "Wait." "One more thing." " Yeah, come on, let's go!" " Good luck, Amber!" "Step it up!" "That's when..." "Hi." "I got it." "We just got back into town." "I came straight over." "I probably still smell like the van." "But..." "I went on your website and saw some girl wearing my Stryper T-shirt." "Oh, that girl..." "She just climbed into our van, threw on your shirt." "She was an idiot." "You know, I don't wanna be this girl." "What girl?" "I don't wanna be the girl that has to stand here and hear about what didn't happen between you and some idiot." "You don't." "And this is bullshit, anyway." "I didn't cheat on you." "But you never called, okay?" "Okay." "I know I should've called, but there was no privacy in the van." "And then I got your message and..." "I would've called." "My mom wants her shirt back." "That's right, I'm back." "Thanks a lot for outing me." "That was a class move." "I didn't out you." "I never said a word." "I was just messing with you." "I don't wanna beat your ass with rumors." "I wanna beat your ass on the track with my skates." "It is happening tonight, folks." "There they are, the coaches shaking hands, being nice and diplomatic right before the craziest match that we will ever see here." "Oh, I love it, Austin." "That's right, ladies and gentlemen, we're talking about the one and only Iron Maven versus the upstart from the heart of Texas, Babe Ruthless." "Yes." "Our jammers, Ruthless versus Maven head-to-head, the teams' two top stars." "As they approach the pack," "Ruthless seems to be having an easier time finding an opening, slithering through like a proverbial snake in the grass." "There's Babe Ruthless, Iron Maven, neck and neck." "They've been after each other the whole time." "That's a hip check right there." "You don't see Maven taken down like that too often." "Did you see that?" "Call it." "That was illegal." "What are you talking about?" "It's a clean hit." "That was illegal." "Just call that shit." "Calm her down." "I'll show you ruthless, Ruthless." "It's the second quarter, folks." "We got Babe Ruthless jamming against the Rollers' Jackie Daniels." "Finally, I made it to the promised lands." "Okay, don't embarrass me now that you're here, all right?" "Never." "Go, Bliss Go!" "Go, Babe Ruthless!" "Go!" "Babe Ruthless coming in to the pack, but she's having trouble getting out." "That tiny pipsqueak finds a hole, but not as fast as Jackie Daniels breaks out of the pack." "Becomes the lead jammer." "Rollers just picked up four more points, bringing the score 24-11," "Rollers in the lead." "Slaya takes down Smashley" "Oh, but the Mansons grab those wings and Smashley flies after Slaya like a bat out of hell." "You just clotheslined me, man." "Princess Slaya, feeling the force now." "That's gonna hurt tomorrow in a galaxy far, far away." "Listen." "You play smart, stay aggressive." "Don't leave any holes for them to slip through, all right?" "Bliss, this may be time for Play Number 4." "LBJ." "Knock them out." "Coach Razor throws Ruthless in the jammer's seat as she makes her way through the pack." "Look, she gets a hand from Bloody Holly and slingshots out front." "This could be big." "And one of the Manson sisters sends Maven hard into the rail." "Maven can yell all she wants, but she can't hear you." "No, seriously, she can't hear you." "She's deaf." "So..." "I'll tell you what." "The Holy Rollers have got to lay some hits on Ruthless if they're gonna have any hopes of stopping her, otherwise she's just too quick." "All the Scouts dive-bombing the Rollers, clearing the path." "Not one schoolgirl left standing." "But we are tied as we go into the halftime." "Ladies and gentlemen, that was a game-changing down." "Okay, Razor, what's next?" "Tell us what to do." "We're gonna run Play Number 7, Rose of San Antone." "Hey, Smashley, if the play was called Bong Water, would you be paying attention right now?" "You know what, I'm taking you out and putting Ruthless in." "No!" "My head is in the game." "Then get out there and prove me wrong." "Slaya hip-checks Smashley into the rail." "She's up and over and she's crowd surfing." "And Smashley Simpson is back on the track." "Slaya and Smashley have been at this all season, folks." "And it looks like Smashley is speeding towards revenge." "I hope the medic is ready 'cause it looks like Slaya's about to get a rainbow special." "This game's about to get ugly, folks." "Walt, I don't believe this." "Smashley goes for the points instead of the beatdown and picks up four for her team." "Okay, we're running Play Number 10, Pièce de résistance." "Get back out there and win it." "All right." "Let's go, you know what to do." "Get you some!" "The game's still too close to call, but the Scouts may have some tricks up their sleeves." "Looks like they're forming a wall." "Kaboom!" "The entire Rollers team is down as Ruthless flies through." "Walt, out of nowhere, Jackie Daniels..." "She's okay, she's okay." "That little munchkin's a trouper." "Give it up, folks." "Let's remember that derby is a brutal sport." "We've seen our fair share of sprained ankles and broken bones, fishnet burns and black eyes." "It's the final jam." "Two points deciding Austin's fate." "Let me hear you." "Folks." "Give it up for these girls." "It's Iron Maven versus Babe Ruthless." "Would you have it any other way?" "The Mansons play Maven in the middle of a patented cage move." "They're calling for the whip, and they just might get what they want." "They got it." "Go, Maven!" "Ruthless gets out first." "And now as she gets a hand from Bloody Holly..." "No, Maven sneaks out from the inside and is heading for the lead." "But wait, the Manson sisters line up." "A double leg whip." "Ruthless is surging ahead." "She can taste the victory." "But no!" "That's it." "Iron Maven brings down the anvil." "The Holy Rollers remain undefeated and are league champions yet again!" "The Holy Rollers are champs!" "Undefeated three years in a row." "Unbelievable." "What a game." "You gotta take your hat off to both teams, ladies and gentlemen." "As for the Hurl Scouts, there's always next year." "But this year it's a three-peat for the Holy Rollers, once again, three- time champions." "I'm sorry, Razor." "Sorry, my ass." "You were great." "Still, who do they love the most?" "Did you see that leg whip?" "How about that jump by Ruthless?" "Smashley's dive was hall of fame." "Yeah!" "Holy Rollers!" "We did it." "We're Number 2 We're Number 2." "We're Number 2." "We're Number 2." "We're Number 2." "Ladies, just seeing you guys run the plays," "I can't tell you how good that makes me feel." "It's..." "Razor, are you gonna cry?" "No, I'm not gonna cry." "It's just it's such a long time coming." "I think he might cry." "Hurl Scouts on three." "One, two, three Hurl Scouts!" "Nice jump, Evel Knievel." "Thanks." "Maybe I'll teach it to you sometime." "Really?" "Okay." "Listen, folks, it's been another great year at the Texas Roller Derby League." "I've enjoyed the ever-loving shit out of you I hope you have, too." "Come out next year, and we'll do it all over again." "And if you would, this is a residential neighborhood, so please don't be too loud as you head out." "And whatever you do, don't drink and drive." "All right, thank you, Austin." "I love you." "I'm out of here." "This is your daughter's playing card." "Might wanna buy it." "Actually, how much are these?" " 3 each?" " Yeah." "It's a piece of cardboard." "Yeah, they support the..." " How much for the shirt?" " Earl." "I'll tell you what, kiddo, I've seen some ballgames in my time, but this..." "This was even better." "I really didn't think you were going to come." "I'm really glad you did." "That was scary." "I..." "I can't change what you're gonna do, can I?" "Probably not." "I really wanna do this." "I want to move to Austin, and I need to know that you can accept that." "That's gonna be a hard one." " In poetry, if..." " It has to be midnight 'cause..." "I know." "Okay." "Hi, Mrs. Cavendar." "Hi, Amber." "I just wanted to return the gown." "Thank you." "Oh, and Bliss left this at her station." "I wasn't sure if she still wanted it." "Thank you." "How did you do?" "I came in second." "Good for you." " Bye." " Bye-bye." ""The person I admire most.." "".. is my mother, because she is a fighter.." "".. who never gives up on what she believes in.." "".. and she never gives up on me." ""Obviously, I would be delighted to win the Blue Bonnet pageant." ""But knowing my mother is proud of me.." "".. means more than any crown."" "Earl." "Ronny." "Wait." "Turn the music up." "Roller derby is not a crime." "Come on man." "Roller derby is not a crime." "Undefeated." "How do I get out?" "There we go." "Get out." "I can't do it Do it for me." "Female Fight Club!" "Okay, all right." "I love you." "Oh, I love you." "Hey, inbreeders, you're supposed to leave a tip." "If Jack Black was working here... is it Jack White?" " He's sexy." " I like Jack Black." "Here you go, baby." "You have as much of that as you want." "Okay" "It's just so funny." "Hey." "Fishnets and sexy nicknames."