"ladies and gentlemen." "Objective completed." "very nice." "Dr Howard Marner." "President of Nova Robotics" "ladies and gentlemen" "I want you to meet strategic artificially intelligent nuclear transport as we call it." "then SAINT is the answer the most sophisticated robot on planet Earth." "Adaptable to steaming jungle and burning deserts and frozen arctic wastes of course it's adaptable because it's a robot." "impervious to..." " the ravages of nature." " Crush ice." "Glass." "Ice." "Gin." "Tonic." "A squeeze of lime." "Number 2." "Just the way I like it... but not stirred." "Oh my..." "Well..." "One thing we can't control is the weather." "The man upstairs is still in charge of that department." "why don't we just move our little presentation back into the lab?" "Senator Mills." "Where's the young man that actually designed these things?" " Dr. Crosby?" " Yes." "We were told we would be meeting with him." "And so you shall." " When?" " Soon." "but soon." " Why not today?" " Flu." "I'd feel happier about approving this project if I could speak with him." "I'll see what I can do." "Would you excuse me for just..." "I'll be back in just a second." "bolt up the motion control system please." "Don't forget that." "It's very important." "Where is he?" "I need him." "Stat!" "Excuse me sir." "sir." "Public relations is everybody's job." "sir." "Look." "He's supposed to be here." "I want him here." "I pay him to be here." "sir." "clean him up and send him out to hob nob." "Stat!" "hurry up." "They are waiting for you." "Newton Crosby." "You must make instantaneous appearance." "Marner says "Stat"." "You have to go hob nob with the big wigs." "Is that a yes or the number of your intelligence quotient?" "I don't hob nob." "why don't you go hob nob." "Mingle with the brass." "Have a ball." "I am sick of wearing the dress in this family." "now don't you hang up on me." "I know you're there." "I want you up here right away!" "Come on Newton!" "Swallow your guts." "You can do it." "Show them that you're a hot shot fun guy underneath your clothes." "what do they need me for?" "To tell them each robot costs 10 million dollars and it kills people?" "a child of four can tell them that." "That is why they are needing you." " Now come on." "Hurry up!" " Just one dance." "I have to go to the jack." "So you wait for me." "The "john." "you're doing real good." " Just keep working on those last two bars." " Let us go!" "please." "Long Island ice tea." "Please take a drink." "...he's putting on a tie." "He's going to tell you about these peace time uses." "It's got plenty of peace time uses." "You mean besides serving gin and tonic?" "and I'm sure you know... is be prepared." "See..." "We can parachute these robot guys behind enemy lines." "They hide out till the first strike blows over." "each one of these little boogers carries a 25 megaton bomb right up the middle main street of Moscow." "Like the mail man bringing bad news." "We call it "Operation Gotcha Last"." "ya... just..." "Senator?" "man." "I'll get to it." "Jim!" "Jesus H God!" "What the hell happened?" "I don't know." "Oh my God!" "It's fried." "man." "I hope got a few million bucks." "Because that's what they're going to charge us if this think is fried." " Everything checks out." " What?" "It's amazing." "Takes a licking and keeps on ticking." "robots." "Verbal command." "Access code 29 report to disarming section." "you little crap bucket!" "Go on!" "It's the ultimate soldier." "never asks questions." "I had non-military purposes in mind." "I designed it as a marital aid." "Very funny." "No..." "I'm sure we'll all agree that Dr. Crosby has designed a weapon... that will keep our world safe for all time." "what's so safe about blowing people up?" "Coffee service coming through." "Please watch your step." "Hot coffee." "Coffee service coming through." "Please watch your step." "Please serve yourselves." "Have a canopy." "Shrimp toast." "Caviar." "Cheese Whiz... our prototypes are here." "so tell me I've miscounted." "sir." " What?" "Number 5 left the debriefing station and then it just disappeared." "not today!" "stat." "great." "Just stay calm!" " How're you doing?" " Running late as usual." "I knew it." "God damned garbage cans!" "Garbage cans with guns." "Newfangled bullshit!" " Have you got anything stronger?" " I got trouble which I don't need." "Because my wife is home cooking a steak which is going to be dried out when I get there." "I think we got it." "What is that right there?" "that's what it is." "Howard." "slam the gates shut." "good enough." "here you go." "Main gate." "Captain." " Where did you disappear to?" " I was hob nobbing." "quick." "The guys downstairs say that number 5 was hit by a huge power surge." "He should have shut down." "Did you try the return code?" "no response." "he won't talk to me." "as far as I know." " Check the list polling system." " OK." "Let's try the emergency override." "This is bullshit." "Just let me go get it." "42721." "number 5 standing by." "you've gotten him on your terminal." "You're just a fine kid." "Report your position." "need input." "What the hell's a need input for?" "I guess it can't triangulate his position." "That's a simple function." "Howard?" "there you go." "Crosby." "you're not going to miss a meal." "pick it up." "malfunction." "How can it refuse to turn itself off?" "Maybe it's pissed off." "it doesn't get pissed off... it doesn't laugh at your jokes." " It just runs programming." " Usually runs programs." "Anybody try the homing device yet?" "use your heads!" "It's probably right down the hall and..." "Ah..." "Here it comes..." "Here it comes..." "And..." "Bingo!" "Good lord!" "It is outside the fence!" "Dr. Marner." "Don't tell me its laser is still armed." "Bimbo!" "what's he going to do?" "it's hard to say." "It's malfunctioning." "It might not do anything." "But it could decide to blow away anything that moves." "Couldn't it?" "Crosby?" "my God." "It's not coming back." "We've got to destroy it." "you're overreacting." "You can't... let us at least try to catch it first." "OK?" "What if you don't catch it." "What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns..." "How would you like to write the headline on that one?" " Nun soup?" " Ben!" " Howard." " What?" "it's malfunctioning." "Think about it." "look... Otis!" "Howard." " and still avoid an incident." " I'm already moving." "You understand you don't have to blow it up." "Skroeder." "Just try and bring it back in one piece." " One piece will do. - that's what you do." " Yes sir." "Give inertial status... maybe it'll listen to what comes with a decoder." "What is this?" "Running diagnostics." "Testing its logic circuits." "I don't know." "Input..." "Come on..." "Let's boot it up." "See if you can boot it." "Return to D-Station..." "Come on." "Now!" "Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?" "Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?" "What is going on?" "must be the print scanner..." " it must be reading it some place." " I'm not understanding the reference" "Need input." "Input." " Did you see something?" " Oh God..." "I hope not." "me too." "Oh shit!" "Captain Skroeder over." "over." "We're on our way." "Loose it and you're dead meat." "how'd this happen?" "Who is knowing how to read the mind of a robot?" "Weeeeee!" "Crosby..." " Howard!" " so you wouldn't have to talk to those people." "Just calm down." "but we're loosing its signal." "It's going out of range." "We're going to have to follow it now." "Can I get a vehicle?" "Can I get... is there a van or anything like that?" " Of course there's a van!" "where's that son of a bitch?" "you better believe it." "Beasley!" " Hey!" " What are you doing home?" "This is my home!" "It's not your home." "I live here." "What are you doing with Beasley?" "you know he looked kind of sick to me so I thought..." "I'd just take him down to the vet and fix him up a bit." "you look sick." "What did you come back here for anyway?" "I thought that maybe we could patch things up." "Sort of pick up where we left off." "You know you want me back." "What is this?" "Quinn's Medical Research?" "You slime bag!" "The dog is on its last legs." "That's very funny." "Why don't you get the hell out of here!" "You know what I figure?" "I figure you owe me some money." " So I'm just here to collect." " I owe you?" " That's right." " I supported you." "That was my money you used to buy your big red dorkmobile!" "No!" "Damn it!" "Hey!" "Hey!" " Do not do that car!" " Get away from me!" "you can knock it off now." "You mutation!" " God damn it!" "Don't ever call me that!" " You don't even know what it means!" "I can find out!" "Hey!" "You!" "You leave her alone!" "God!" " Oh honey!" "honey?" " Ya." "I'm fine." "And I thought he was going to be a nice one." " Different from the other ones." " Ya right!" "looks aren't everything." "I know that." "Every time I look at Mr. Cepeda." "I hate to tell you this but a... the man from the city..." "he was snooping around again." "I told them all this was temporary." "It's just until I can find homes for them." "he says that four years is not too temporary." "He was going to call the sheriff on you." "great!" "Maybe the sheriff would like a pet?" "baby." "come here." "honey?" "I'm sorry." "I feel like I've been cooped up inside this lab forever." "it's an opportunity to spread your legs." "hum?" "Has it changed much out there?" "you can say that two times." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Come on you guys!" "get points!" "Skroeder's coming up empty!" "to the great outdoors." "you know what is out there in the great outdoors?" "Girls." "Ummm." "With brassieres and legs." "You have the working knowledge the girl?" "but I read about them." "Well then... maybe I can furnish you with some schematic drawings." "All right." "Hey!" "Who told you could take Number One?" "if we need protection from Number Five... this is the best weapon we could have." "instead of $11 million on the loose... we're going to have twenty-two." "we are needing gas money." "I'm sorry." "I just..." "I have to draw the line at snakes." "but... isn't there a home for cobras somewhere?" "Can you hang on for a second?" "Can I call you right back?" "Thanks." "Hey!" "Get out of there!" "Frank?" "Mr. Scumo!" "I know you're in there." "Get out!" "Get out!" "I'll call the cops." "What?" "Are you deaf?" "my God!" "my God!" "I knew they'd pick me." "I just knew it." "Hello." "I guess... welcome to my planet." "Oh boy!" "Is this thrilling or what?" "Don't be scared." "I'm a friend." "Friend?" "Do you know the word "friend"?" "Because that's what I am." "I'm a friend." "here I come." "Nice and extremely friendly." "Hi." "It's me." "this is earth." "I'm Stephanie." "Speck." "but... is that really you or is that like a space suit... maybe just your brain... in a little jar or something like that?" " Malfunction." " You can talk!" "Malfunction." "Need input." "Input." "That's information." "I am full of it." "Why don't you come to my house and we can sit down and talk... get to know each other." "Communicate." "Input." "Come on." "It's okay." "no." "I mean come with me." "Come here." "This way." "Come here." "Come on." "Right this way." "March!" "Heel!" "Giddy up!" " Forward!" " Forward!" "forward." "Come forward." "That's good." "That's really good." "guys." "He's a friend." "These are animals." "They're lower life forms." "aliens." "Whatever." "Malfunction." "Need input." "OK." "inside it." "see..." " Floor." "And we have the opposite of a floor... which is the ceiling." "Look up!" "Ceiling." "We have windows and... air!" "Look over here." "Light." "Music." "And..." "look at this." "This is a plant." "See?" "And these are goldfish." "Don't touch." "And look over there." "these are ants." "they're ants." "It's an ant farm." "Look!" "These are my bunnies." "Edwina and Norman." "Norman." "I bet you got some amazing animals in your planet." "there you go." "where we are now." "You are here." "Here." " Oregon." " Oregon." "famous for cherries." "Beavers." "Cherries." "Input." "I'm giving you great input." "More input." "More input." "How about pictures?" "Do you like pictures?" "We have a lot of pictures here." "A lot of them." "This is a picture of an aardvark." "See that?" "It's an aardvark." " It's a mammal." " Input." "Aardvark." "Adams..." " Holy Crowl." "You can read." "Input." "no problem." "Volume two." "No problem." " My neck." " Sorry." "This is very healthful for the neck." "Can you believe it's been 5 years since I've driven?" "I'd say ten." "though." "You know what many people are liking at night?" " What?" " Headlights." "ya" "Stephanie." " More!" " There isn't anymore." "You've read everything in the house." "skunk." "That's a container drinking glass." "spaghetti." "spaghetti sauce." "this may be hilarious where you come from... but on this planet it's considered rude." "oranges... limes." "That's great." "Thanks a lot." "Fabric." "Tablecloth." "my dishes!" "my God!" "Breakfast table." "American contemporary." "Oh!" "My China!" "fine... some small." "Take a look at this." "Look at that." "Welcome aboard." " See that?" " Input." "input." "Good." "here." "You hold this." "That's very good." "And stay." "Stay." "At Alaskan Airlines... our people go out of their way just to show you they're human." "With your permission..." "I know no one's gonna believe me... so look up!" "Input." "This is a barrel of monkeys." "Let us scrape up some female chicks." "Don't we have to find a robot?" "but you're becoming a drag strip." "we got a job to do." "As we're fond of saying in my country... marketplace make dull home for rodents." "originally." "them." "Pittsburgh." "It's the Colgate pump with MFP fluoride." "The Maximum Fluoride Protection." "It's a lie." "I didn't do it." "Tony." "We're pals." "Sure we're pals." "I didn't do it." "You got me wrong." "I brought you out here." "I work with you." "you know that." "You wouldn't do anything to me." "Give me a chance." "You can have anything I got." "Anything." "Have you been watching all night?" "Come on." "Don't get up." "I can take care of this." "Haven't you had enough of this stuff?" "You lose IQ points the longer you watch." "There've been actual studies." "you're going to become the 1st alien couch potato... and I'm not kidding." "Give me that." "Give me that thing." "...by eating Thomases English Muffin..." " Have a heart!" " "Have a heart"..." ""Smile your tears away"... and dozens of other hits all in this big two-record set." "Call now!" "Our operators are standing by." "Are you tired of bill piling up?" "Simplify your life with Accountant in a Can." "we'll send along... did you?" " Duracell..." " Of course you didn't." "Come on." "There's something I wanna show you outside." "Bird." "Raven." "Never more." "Now look." "Look." "no." "There." "See?" "Beautiful." " Light bulb." " No." "Sun." "Beautiful." "No sun." " Beautiful sun." " Beautiful." "turtle..." "Volkswagen." "you can see those things." "Beautiful animal." "dog." "Mutt." " Beasley." " Beasley." "stop it!" "down!" "What are you doing?" "Stop it!" "Look out!" "My God!" "What happened?" "Are you all right?" "don't be hurt." "Are you okay?" "Say something." "Beautiful Stephanie." "S A I N T Prototype number five..." "Washington"." "You're a robot?" " Yes." " I thought you were alive number 5." "I let you tear my house to shreds and you're a robot!" "You're a machine from that dumb war lab place." "I'm so stupid." "doltish..." " dumbbell." " Shut up!" "can it." "Am I the jerk of the world?" "You're just programmed." "pain in the ass." "I hope you're programmed to pay for the mess you made." "What if there's a reward out for that thing?" "I could take care of as many animals as I want." "Hello." "please." "Marner." "I think this may be something." " Hello." " Hello." "I'd like you to know I have one of your robots." "God!" "Good." "Yes." "Listen... thank you very much for calling." "Our people are on their way." "Mount up!" "We've got it!" "Move!" "Move!" "Move!" "today!" "Let's go!" "let's go." "it's very important... that you try to keep a safe distance." "How safe a distance?" "it's malfunctioning." "We have to disassemble it and check it out." "It's goofy little gadget." "okay?" "Not that it's dangerous or anything like that." "anyway?" "Worth?" "I don' know." "A few hundred dollars maybe." "is there?" "we do have a daily tour of our facilities here." "I might even be able to get you a student discount." " Hey!" "It's gone!" " Gone?" "Wooly mammals." "mittens." "I see it." "Go back to your nuclear warheads." "What are you doing?" "bozo." "I just called Nova and they are coming out to get you." " They'll give you a tune up." " Tune-up?" "Input." "find out which screw is loose." "disassemble." "Right." "Jump!" "Orthoptarous insect." "Jump." "That's great." "Okay." "let's go back now." "Come on." "Hey!" "Damn it!" "You klutz!" "Look what you did." "Error." "Grasshopper disassembled." "Reassemble." "Reassemble." "he's dead." "Dead?" "Right." "Dead as a doornail." "Stephanie." "Reassemble." "I know you don't understand." "you're dead." "That's just the way it is." "Dead is forever." "dead." "dead!" "dead!" "Slow down." " No disassemble." " Where are you going?" "my God!" "you!" "Get out of my truck." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Let me in." "Let me in." "No!" "Don't." "You open this door right now." "you thief." "don't start my truck." "You don't know how to drive." "you big hunk of tin." "You can't take my truck." "You better be heavily insured because you'll find yourself... slapped with a humongous lawsuit!" "I'm seeing a blip on my scope." "Drive slowly." "sorry." "Sorry." "there it goes." "It's moving at extreme velocipede." "Right of the line." "The right." "appropriate." "over here." "Quickly!" " The right." " Right." "The right." "Look out!" "Look out!" "My kitchen!" "No!" "Where she going?" "I thought Howard told her to stay put." "man." "Look out!" "can head." " Thanks at lot." " Sorry." "no." "Stop it now!" "Stop!" " Turn left or we're going to crash!" " Left!" "Turn!" "Turn!" " Fish!" " Look out!" "Salmon!" "Sushi." "we're going to be killed." " Disassemble." " Disassemble all over the place." "Disassemble." "No!" "Escape!" "Escape!" "Flee!" "Hide!" "Refuge!" "What are you afraid of?" "What's the matter with you?" "Nova Robotics." "Disassemble." "Dead." "Disassemble Number Five." "Dead." "But you can't die." "You're a machine." "you're not a machine?" "you are or you're not?" "what?" "not." "Talk about a malfunction." "Stephanie." "Number Five is alive." "Just keep going straight." "Just keep going straight." "alright... we're getting closer." "I can sense it." "There they are!" "You see them?" "They're right there." "Nova." "Disassemble." "Dead." "Disassemble number 5." "Dead." "danger!" "Come on! Number Five." "you!" "What planet is this guy from?" "no disassemble." "don't be scared." "You just wait here a second." "I'll be right back." "Number one." "Come on." "Very good." "Careful." "Moving nicely." "another one." "anyway?" "as far as I know." "Hi." "How you doing?" "Your little brother's hiding in my truck." "I have seen some strange bizarre drivers... but you may be awarded the cake." "Me?" "Talk to your robot." "He did the driving." "Did you say the robot drove the truck?" "chum." "That's exactly what I'm saying." "girl." "okay?" "You're sure you weren't doing any steering or anything like that?" "I like to drive off cliffs." " There's no way my robot could have driven." " Are you calling me a liar?" "but maybe you have amnesia." "Newton!" "We are wasting valueless time." "anyway?" " It's top-secret crap." " That's what I figured." "I'd like to get my robot back." "but he's scared." "It's a machine." "It doesn't get scared." "It doesn't get happy." "It doesn't get sad." " It just runs programs." " How do you explain that?" "You see?" "He's scared that if you take him apart he's going to die." " Where'd you hear that?" " Number Five told me." "He'd tell you if you'd just talk to him." "That's what I've been trying to do for..." "I mean with your mouth." "Watch." "this is the plan." "Number Five!" "Number Five!" "Come on out." "It's okay." " Is it cool?" " It's okay." "These guys aren't going to hurt you." "They're friends." "no." "They just want to talk to you." "Come forward." "Do you remember forward?" "come on." "not to us." "I am standing here beside myself." "Okay!" "Now." "You just tell them what you told me." "Number Five not just robot." "There it is!" "Move out!" "Move!" "Move!" "Move out!" "today!" "are you nuts?" "Stop!" "Please." "I have clearance!" "I have clearance!" "Bend down!" "You quit doing that!" "You think I'm doing this for my own self-gratification?" "Go!" "Don't!" "Stop!" "Stephanie!" "They're killing him!" "Hold your fire!" "stop!" "Hold your fire!" "Hold your fire!" "Number Five alive!" "Stephanie!" "I'm sorry." "Steph-an-ia..." "You're paralyzing him." "I cut all his power." "You can load it on the truck now." "What the hell is the matter with you... you four-eyed idiot." "What an asshole." "I heard that." "Wait a minute!" "Wait a minute!" "Where are you taking him?" "I want you guys to..." "He's not being a him." "It's only being wires and several mechanisms and other such... machine type apparatus... for the Pete of sake." "The sake of Pete... you have to turn him back on." "He was talking before like a real person." "Couldn't you see that?" "all I could see was that something mechanical... okay?" "Einstein." "I plan to." "And it's Crosby." "Newton Crosby." " Stephanie Speck." " Nice meeting you." "Same here." " Ben?" "Ben?" " Sir!" "Stat!" "I want you to go with Number Five and make sure they do not... switch off the memory." "Do you understand what I'm saying?" "sir." " Okay." "goofy woman." "I enjoyed repeatedly throwing you to the ground." "No mistake." "Stat." "You can call me if you want to." "Call you?" "To let me know if Number Five's okay." "maybe I will." "Jack." "So there we are." "We're right on top of Mount St. Helen's... that's bad." "Now Hazel's running around the parking lot." "Hazel." "She's waving her credit card..." "It's life." "It's life." "Hazel." "It's sure not one you can hear much anymore." "I never heard it before I met her." "who I think she's named after." " I thought it was a nut." " That's an old name." "It's an old family name." "They were from some place in Europe... and there's always a Hazel in it." "In her family." "I guess there's always some Hazel in Europe." "She's running around trying to buy somebody's spare tire." "She's showing people her ID's to prove the checks are good... like a branch of our bank where they could check." "She was even trying to swap some souvenirs when she was gotten." "All of which were made from the ashes of the volcano..." "Did you get a piece of ash?" "of course nobody's going to sell her a spare tire... after what we just told them happened to us." "Especially the way she was telling them." "And she was trying to convince them I wasn't a bad driver... which I'm not." "she was doing it by telling them how thin the road is." "and how curvy and how many rocks there were... and how big and sharp they are." "And all the time I know what these people are thinking." "They gotta drive down the same road... sir?" "Sir?" "my goodness gracious!" "can it?" "I am not knowing." " Would he kill me if I stopped?" " Who is to say?" "Would he kill me if I don't stop?" "Again I am shrugging." "I'm stopping." "Good choice." "perturbed." "Hold it right there." "Colt 45." "Semi automatic." "Play Doh." "What do we do now?" "but I'm planning to scream and run." "Good answer." "What is he doing?" "There it goes Very good." "You earned that one." "honey!" "What is for dinner?" "Bingo!" "to third and fourth." "Lucky's seventh and Pacer in the rear." "Now it's Double Trouble making a move on the outside rail... and Practice right behind." "Jimmy's Folly is calling..." "That's the serpent and the devil..." "same on him." "And the devil is the... aim!" "What happened?" "I hope you took the grass out of the glove compartment." "officer?" "There's gotta be a logical explanation for all of this." "if it was programmed to think it was alive... then it could act alive." "Maybe you've created another Frankfurter's monster." "Do I look like the kind of a man who can actually hear his..." "Howard I think that something incredible is going on." "What's going on is that we've got a red alert on your hands?" "it's not dangerous." "get some answers." "There's only one answer." "right?" "Doctor... how many kids you got?" "None." "Doctor." "I got three of them." "Three dandy little Schroeders." "not barbecued." "So don't you give me any of your bullshit." "I think I've got to alert the media." "Now Schroeder's going to handle this from now on... and you stay at your terminal." "this is ridiculous." "Think of it as a full-scale field test." "Leave your terminal and you're out of a job." "we are going to have to put up some roadblocks... and I'm going to need some Hueys." "Some what?" "Howard." "Jesus Christ!" " I thought they were choppers." " Now they're called Hueys." "why wasn't I notified?" "this is the plan..." " Stephanie Speck." " Yes." "We're from KJMB News." "Can you please tell us something about the Nova robot?" "no." "Did he try to molest you in any way?" "he's not that kind of a robot." "Do you know that there's a $25 thousand reward for anyone that turns it in?" "I don't know anything about it." "leave me alone." "Why didn't you go to the police?" "You know where it is." "For 25 thousand dollars I'm damn well going to know where it is too." "Frank?" "Frank?" "I'm armed and dangerous." "camouflage." "Hi!" "Number Five!" "You got away?" "Yep." "You can't stay here!" "They'll find you!" "Stephanie." "Changed color." "nice software." "You sure don't talk like a machine." "Stephanie." "Number Five alive." "I know you think you're alive... but those guys who built you say no way." "I don't know what to think anymore." "I know it's not safe for you here." "Go on." "Get out of here." "Go on!" "isolation." "Alone." "come on!" "Lonely bum." "please." "who would take care of my animals?" "You sure wouldn't." "What are you doing?" "A can of soup." "A meal in itself." "but just for tonight." "Excellent." "If they catch you I don't know you." "You got it." "let's do it." "This is the very first vehicle I've stolen in the US of A." "Isn't it?" "who is needing enemas?" "we're doing the right thing." "we'll never find out what happened." "Dr. Marner!" "I knew you would try this." "fellas." "There are soldiers out there with bazooka's and choppers... or whatever the hell they call them now." "you understand." "I'm a business man." "I'm not a scientist anymore." "Howard." "20 years ago you would have chauffeured us in this situation." "times have changed." "Because that was then and this is now." "now come on." "Let's get back upstairs." "Newton." "Let us punch the sack." "Tomorrow is the next day." "No." "No." "No." "I'm going." "shoot me if you have to." "Don't think I won't." "you know you're bluffing." "Lord Rama." "grant my wish." "I'm bluffing." "let's get out of here." "Right." "Very good." "the doors are electronically sealed." "Don't be too sure." "Then you'll have to drive over me." "That's the way it's gotta be." "This is going to be very messy." "This is how I get the big bucks." "Yeah." "very good." "Great." "thanks." "turn off the TV." " It's time for bed." " No." "turn off the TV." "It's time for bed." "lighten up." "Let's give it a whirl." " Hey!" " Ya!" "it's three a.m." " It's early." "don't you ever get enough?" "Jimmy Swaggert... will ya?" "Moe." "know what?" "You're not a bad dancer." "Dancing fool." " Big finish." " Right." "And then I'm going to bed and in the morning... you have to find yourself a new home." "This home." "Stephanie home." "Number Five home." "you don't know what you're saying." "Number Five know." "More than a woman." "More than a woman to me." "Number Five." "More than a woman to me." "I'll croon" "A little song About the moon" "And when I'm finished With my crooning" "On my knees I'll fall my all" "to make these golden fluffy pancakes... milk... and eggs." "Mix thoroughly." "Still lumpy." "Marvelous." "yet moist potatoes... then turn over." "This will be some good slop." "Is something burning?" " Morning." " Oh!" "Number Five!" " Good morning." " Sleep well?" "aren't you?" "Pancakes surprise." "you're so sweet." "no." "It's the revenge of the Mutations." "why don't you turn that stove off and I'll be right back." "Wait!" "It'll get cold." "creep?" "good morning." "I saw you on TV last night on the news." "I'm a real big celebrity." "You know there's a reward out for that robot?" "Twenty-five thousand dollars." "I don't know anything about it." "Why don't you get off my property?" " Steph..." " Leave me alone." " Where is it?" " It's not here." "breakfast." "hash browns." "Twenty five thousand dollars." "we'll split it." "Twenty for me and five for you." "you gotta talk computer to him." "Tell him exactly what you're doing... or he's not going to move an inch." "this is Frank." "Robot." "Me friend." "not Apache." "Fresh O.J.?" "Not from concentrate." "Thanks." "what do you say we jump in my car... we'll take a ride." "I'll take you home." "Tell him where home is." "Home is Nova." "Nova!" "No!" "No disassemble!" "run!" "don't fail me now." "get away now!" " Get off me!" "you little bitch!" "Does this mean I don't get my five thousand dollars?" "Forget it!" "Forget it!" "you big stupid jerk." "how stupid I am." "I'd rather die first!" "Where the hell is my car?" "Hi." "Piece of cake." "my God!" "My car!" "Number Five." " Uh-oh!" "no!" "look out!" "that like to parted my hair." "I can sure oblige ya." "How can he do that?" "Frankie... you broke the unwritten law." "You ratted on your friends." "Frankie... your enemies don't respect you... you got no friends no more." "You got nobody Frankie." "huh?" "Unbelievable." "Look out!" "a goddamn robot?" "get off me!" "that's it." "No!" "Not disassemble Stephanie." "No!" "and I'm calling the cops." "you little pain-in-the-neck... because now it's over!" "Good." "come on." "now." "So now I am having no job to speak about." "I will have to smack the sidewalk." "I'm not going to let it happen." "You're not going to get fired..." "I'm not going to get fired... because we're going to find Number Five intact." "Very good." "Howard." " It's Scrotum?" " Schoreder." "Same thing." "Now all roads are blocked her only chance is a back road into the hills." "We'll concentrate our search there." "Where the hell are we?" "New York City"." "I don't think so." "Try the other side." "Ok." "Oh." "Texaco." "Great." "I'm lost." "I don't know where to go." " Strategy." " What about it?" "quick." "what we need is somebody to make those bozos listen." " Not bozos." " What?" "One bozo." "PhD." "he's the enemy." "He can't help." "Couldn't hurt." "I know why Number Five took a liking to her." "but if it did." "don't you think?" "I am thinking she's a virgin." "Or at least she used to be." "Hello Crosby." "I think it's Howard." "so pick up the mike." "Howard?" "thanks." "I just swore out some warrants for your arrest." "Good golly." "I'm going to give you one last chance." "I got a phone call from that loony in the lunch wagon." "She wants to see you." " Only you." " She does?" "Oh!" "Her pants are blazing for you Newton Crosby." "on one condition." "No Schroeder." "Is it a deal?" "It's a deal." " Where does she want to meet?" " The Black Lion Inn." "sir." "Hi." "He's hidden far away." "you know." "Do I get him or not?" "First we talk... inside." "My ex-boyfriend used to bring me here." "good to see you." "nothing." "here's the deal." "Number Five is alive." "you see?" "I understand." "They can seem quite life-like... but they're still machines." "Just like your stereo... or your vacuum cleaner." "I know he's a machine." "I'm a machine." "We're alive." "who the hell knows." "But it has happened." "Okay." "but you see..." "I built the machine from scratch." "alive... it doesn't compute." "it's true." "As Guerrero steps to the plate." "The pitch... and it's a long line drive to deep left center." "Hyde is going back for it!" "He's..." "Robot alert!" "Number Five located." "do not destroy." "Have you thought about what you're doing?" "Trying to hide something like this?" "let me have it back." "It's malfunctioning." "It needs to be repaired." "Life is not a malfunction." "Number Five axis four twenty-nine." "Stay where you are." "stay where you are." "you're out of there." "stay where you are." "my gosh." "Tools." "Hammer!" "Axe!" "Rope!" "Three quarter inch double-braid." "Perfecto!" "Escaped Robot Fights for His Life." "Film at Eleven." "Target in sight." "Fire!" "Capture and hold." "Elevation sixteen degrees." "no feet." "laser lips!" "Your mama was a snowblower." "you rascally robot." "Target located." "Elevation sixteen degrees." "Fire!" "Holy moley!" " Elevation 22 degrees." " Dumbo!" "Axis lost." "Seventeen... temper!" "Three degrees." "Fire!" "Oley!" "Don't fire." "Don't light a match." "when you gotta go don't squeeze the charming." "no." "Nova!" "Let me tell you something." "I don't like these Nova guys anymore than you do." "I don't care if they ever get Number Five back... but I want to see it." "do I have your word... you will not experiment on him?" "You will not flip his switches?" "And you will not take him apart?" "Absolutely." "You have my word." "He's out back." "I'll take you to him." "too." "Schroeder!" "Crosby." "Thanks for the help." "I had nothing..." " You bastard!" " I'm not..." " You're liar." "No I didn't know... a trap!" "Nova!" "Depart!" "Look out!" "Here's your table sir." "sir." "Come Stephanie." "We be German." "Bastard!" "Stop!" "go!" "Ph. Dork." " What are you doing?" " Keep driving." "hold on." "I have had it!" "I have had it!" "you set me up!" "I'm telling you right now... this little fart of a robot is beginning to give me red ass." "Where the hell are those other robots?" "They should have cut Number Five to pieces by now." " Where are you guys going?" " Who's asking?" "A wise guy." "Excuse this." "And this." "Cut it out!" "Numskulls." "Cars." "Dumb machines." "That creep." "I should have known." "Every time I think a guy's gonna be okay... turns out to be a real jerk." "They are all alike!" "All of them!" "Stephanie... we're gonna kick ass." "burro... you blast them!" "Just burn his butt with your laser." " Burn?" " Yeah!" "No!" "No disassemble." "they deserve it." "Stephanie." "I'm sorry." "I just..." "I don't know what to do anymore." "Take heart little lady." "I'll fix their wagon." "the cat is dragged in a sight for four eyes that is for sure." "You look dreadful." "What happened?" "Where is Number five?" "I saw something incredible." "I saw three robots... totally re-programmed in ten minutes." "grab the girl..." "I think he was rescuing her... crash trough another wall and drive away." "wait a minute." "If you're thinking what I'm thinking you're thinking... then you are thinking that female chick is some sort of..." " super hacker or something." " Sure." "She's a super hacker." "she cracks the Nova access code... she deciphers for the language... all while we were sitting in the bar." " Which was great." " Really?" "Tell me." "What happened?" "operating on the same wavelength... then." "did she stick her tongue down your throat?" "no." "yes sir." "Newton." "my goodness." "I am sporting a tremendous woody right now." "tell me Newton." "Our hands came really close to touching." "And she said I had really nice eyes." "you have really brown eyes." "And then Schroeder came in with his Gestapo and ruined it all." "Those bunch of male-type organs." " Right." " That's what I'm meaning." "That's the RF receiver." "right?" "but only if it is less than twenty feet away." "bozos." "it's Howard." "If you don't return my van in 15 minutes... delete." "wait!" "Rethink yourself." "leave." "Newton Crosby!" "Let us break wind!" "no talk." "Drive." "today!" "Number Five?" "where are you?" "All right dipshit... where's Number Five?" "What did you do to him?" " You gotta control yourself just a tad." " Hello." "Hi." "You kidnapped him?" "hijacked." "Outstanding!" "Communicate!" "Need input!" "posers." "good." "look at the stars... get to know each other..." " man to man." " Yes." "Beautiful stars." "Better see." "Beautiful stars." "Better see?" "my God." "Are all geniuses as stupid as you?" "He means it's a beautiful view of the stars." "I think he speaks very well for a four day old." "Come." "Come." "Input!" "Input!" "Beautiful." "Right." "from the top." "Who is your programmer?" "Me." "You rewired all your switches." "No wonder you're malfunctioning." "Switches are my switches." "Life not malfunction." "Not malfunction." "I am alive." "you're not!" "You can't be." "There's gotta be another explanation." "Okay!" "What?" "time's up." "I'm thinking." "Could be any number of mechanical possibilities." "Entrance of moisture into the system." " Heat expansion." " Try again." " Vibration damage." " No way Jose." " I'm fit as a fiddle." " Okay." "Then why did you ignore your programming?" "Programming says "Destroy"." "Is disassemble." "Make dead." "Number Five cannot." "Why?" "Why cannot?" "Is wrong." "Incorrect." "not know this?" "but who told you?" "I told me." "baker's man" "Bake me a cake as fast as you can..." "I brought you some soup." "It's getting cold." " Thank you." " Convinced yet?" "I got one." "Pattycake... what do you make of this?" "Wood pulp?" "tomato." "monosodium glutamate." "Okay." "Thank you." "Now you're talking like a robot." "look like... butterfly." "Bird." " Maple leaf." " Where?" "Holy shit!" "No shit." "Where see shit?" "here's your oscillating circuit." "That's done right." "And here's... why'd you do this?" "Why'd you do this?" "You shouldn't even be operating if this goes into..." "Let me get my other one." "I got it!" "I got it!" "this is it!" "listen close." "a minister and a rabbi." "They're out playing golf and they're trying to decide... how much to give to charity." "we'll draw a circle on the ground... we'll throw the money way up in the air and whatever lands... we give to charity. we'll throw the money way up in the air and whatever lands outside the circle... no"... we'll throw the money way up in the air..." "He keeps." "ho..." "What's the matter?" " Is he laughing?" " Yeah." "And the joke wasn't even that funny." "And I figured I screwed up the punch line." "Whatever God wants He keeps." "you look kinda shook up." "it's really true." "Spontaneous emotional response." "I am alive." "Yes?" "yes you are." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Hey!" "I hope you bought enough for everybody." "Steph." "right on the sensor." "Danger!" "Nova!" "come down." "Why?" "Just tell them he's alive." "it doesn't look like they want to hear that." "What?" "Wait a minute." "and you convince them." "you lied to me again." "Deploy!" "hit it!" "Deploy!" "The army!" "The real army!" "gentlemen." "Crosby... if I were you I would come out of there." "Stat." "these guys are really severe!" "Weapons." "M-16 machine guns." " 40mm grenade launchers." " Let me handle it." "Howard." "Schroeder." "How you doin'?" "Howard." "Howard!" "We're fine." "Number Five is right here with us." "I've got it completely under my control." "not to you." "It's still lying." "We're coming out now." "They're cooking something up." "I can smell it." "Howard." "Don't you dare shoot your stupid guns." " Where's Number Five?" " He's fine." "He's in the van." "Okay." "Okay." "Why don't you and the young lady just get away from the van... and let us handle it?" "get away." "Danger." "listen..." "I was able to activate the voice command module." "God damn it!" "I am sick and tired of listening to this technical bullshit." "I'll handle this." "He's stalling." "we're going to have to ask you to surrender the robot." "No!" " Stat?" " Stat!" " What does that mean anyway?" " I don't know." "But that is not the point." "We need that robot." "listen..." "I know what the malfunction is." "Crosby... we can't take any more chances." "We're not losing that thing again." "if you'd just come over and inspect the unit..." "You're all such a bunch of liars!" "open fire!" "What have you done?" " Schroeder!" " I'll take care of this." "you're not taking over." "Now listen..." "Banzai!" "Don't shoot!" "Don't shoot!" "He's alive!" "He's alive!" "Howard." "You're making the biggest mistake in history!" "He's alive!" "I can prove it." "it's okay." "He's going to make it!" "No!" "Number Five!" "my God." "Get me out of here." "Magnificent!" "Magnificent!" "is how you kick ass!" "Years of research are down the tube and you're happy as a pig in slop." "sir." "Maybe from now on you can do it somewhere else." "Are you going to be okay?" "I don't think so." "Not for a while." "I'm sorry you lost your job." "But I'm really glad you quit Nova." " What will you do now?" " I don't know yet." "My dad left me a few acres up in Montana." "I hear it's beautiful there this time of year." "Great idea!" "I say we cruise on up there and check it out." "honey!" "I'm home!" "Number Five?" "pull over!" " Number Five!" " Stephanie!" "It's so good to see you." "I thought they blew you up." "Counterfeit. facsimile." "Replica!" "He made a duplicate of himself from all these spare parts." "That's incredible!" "This guy's a genius!" "Above average." "you are great!" "You're outstandingly great!" "What's our next move?" "let's do as he says." "We'll go to Montana." "Ya!" "I got forty acres up there." "Great for him to hide out..." "Soak up input." "I don't know." "I have responsibilities here." "Stephanie." "Wait a minute." "Did you say forty acres?" "do you like animals?" "Yeah." "How many animals are we talking about?" "you two work this out." "Number five stupid name." "okay?" "Maybe Johnny." "Yeah." "Johnny Five." "That's cool." "Gimme five."