"[CLAMORING]" "CANASTA:" "Where is Duck Dodgers?" "I already told you." " I don't know nothing, Mr. Canasta." " Talk." "Why, you wouldn't hit a chicken man with glasses." "All right, all right." "Dodgers is on vacation on Robo World." "What's that?" "It's a simulation planet." "You know, "Live the adventure."" "They use robots to create different historical periods." "I hear it's very realistic." "Thank you for the information." "[SCREAMS]" "You're such a polite boy." "Ohh!" "Soon, Duck Dodgers will be one dead duck." "I've never felt so alive." "This is gonna be a great vacation." "Yes, sir." "You can't beat the thrill of fighting a bunch of defenseless androids." "Aww." "Is someone still pouty with me because he won't get to sun his buns at Miami Beach?" "It's time to live the adventure." "You go right ahead, captain, and I'll see you next week." "Oh, no, you don't." "Heh, heh." "You're gonna have a real artificial adventure even if I have to drag you." "What's the matter, cadet?" "You seem uneasy." "Robots give me the creeps." "There's nothing to be creeped out about." "Underneath their latex skin they're just beautiful machinery." "[WHINNIES]" "I rest my case." "You look hungry, my robotic stallion." "How about a shiny artificial apple?" "Ahh." "Ain't nature grand?" "All right, mi muchachos amigos con carne." "It's a-high time we commenced to funning." "Complete with corny cowboy dialogue." "[GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE]" "Ohh!" "Take a gander over there." "A completely harmless robotic simulation of a lawless Western town that needs to be tamed." "It's all fake." "The bullets are just gentle bursts of laser light that deactivate the robots temporarily." " Well, it looks awfully dangerous to me." " Ha!" "Danger is my middle name." "I thought your middle name was Edgar?" "I was speaking metaphorically." "Oh, yeah, metaphorically." "Come and get it, you delinquent desperadoes." "Sorry, I thought that baguette was loaded." "Alrighty, you lawless hombres." "Are you ready to give yourselves up and come along peaceable like?" "We'll never give up." "You'll have to deactivate us one by one, lawman." "That's what I was a-hoping you was gonna say." "Who's next?" "CANASTA:" "You're next, Dodgers." "There." "That'll learn them." "Wow, captain." "I mean, sheriff." "You know how to handle a gun." "Just like shooting lobsters in a trap." "Now to find a less-conspicuous outfit." "Hmm." "Triple extra-large." "Just my size." "Well, it looks like you've deactivated all the bad guys, sheriff." "Wait just a second." "Look over there in the shadows." "Um." "I don't see anything." "There, where I'm pointing." "Not seeing it." "See?" "Right there." "Right over there." " You mean next to that barrel?" " No, to the left." "Oh, yeah." "Coming out of that alley." "I don't know." "He looks pretty tough." "As the duly sworn sheriff of this here town I'm compelled to do my duty." "You're not the sheriff of this town." "Weren't you calling me sheriff just a minute ago?" "Yeah, but I was just kidding around." "I don't have the authority to make you sheriff." "That's good enough for me." "Dodgers, my name is Canasta, Nasty Canasta." "And I'm calling you out." "Finally, a robot with a little attitude." "The only running I'm a-gonna do is a-running you out of Dodge." "Look, Dodgers, I'm a-trying to be accommodating and all, so get running." "When I was elected sheriff, I swore to uphold the law for this worthless no-horse town and rid it of miscreants like yourself." "So that's what I aim to do, or die trying." "If that's the way it's gonna be, then draw." "I have to warn you, I'm pretty quick with the peashooters." "Ho, ho!" "Watch out, brother." " Slippery little devils, aren't they?" " Apparently." "But I won't be needing them." "What are you talking about?" "You know what I'm talking about." "Oh, you know." "You waltz into town with your designer scarf and your plunging neckline and this fancy gun and you think you can swindle the elderly out of their life savings with your worthless mutual funds." "Well, not on my watch, sister." "Hit the bricks, Goliath." "And take your stupid gun with you." "I can't abide a robot who'd take advantage of the elderly." "Hm." "Free samples." "[WORM SCREAMS]" "Have you ever noticed how much better things taste when they're free?" "Maybe one more sample." "Bye-bye, Dodgers." "Ahh." "I thought I told you to beat it, shorty." "Shorty?" "I'm not short, you lame brain." "Oh, I get it." "Yup, he got it." "Wow, sheriff, that was great." "I watched the whole thing from a safe vantage point across the street." "See?" "I told you Robo World is perfectly safe." "I mean, if that outlaw were a real guy hit with real boxes and barrels he'd be in excruciating pain right now." "[CANASTA GROANS]" "CANASTA:" "My pancreas." "Ohh." "But he's a robot." "He seems to be moaning and groaning under there." "Yup, just like a robot." "Come on, let's head over to the saloon." "All this watermelon's making me thirsty." "See, cadet, this whole vacation is turning out swell." "The only thing missing is a beautiful girl." "WOMAN:" "Excuse me, gentlemen." "I'm Miss Betsy." "I run this place." "Well, Miss Betsy, won't you join us for a sasparilly?" "Yes, please do." "Thank you." "So you're the new lawman in Robo Ridge?" "Yes, sirree, ma'am." "Tell me, sheriff, what's your story?" "Hit it, boys." "[SINGING] Dodgers, Duck Dodgers" "Known throughout The starry space frontier" "Dodgers, brave Duck Dodgers" "A hero known to all both far and near" "One time Canasta Was a-gunning for Duck Dodgers" "With his laser pistols Blasting up the town" "Dodgers grabbed a mirror and deflected Back the flash so unexpected" "That Canasta got all sizzled, crisp And brown" "Now, that's just downright painful." "Dodgers, Duck Dodgers" "He always kept the bad guys on the run" "Dodgers, brave Duck Dodgers" "Knows robots never pack a loaded gun" "[YAWNS]" "In a bid to lure Duck Dodgers to his ruin" "Canasta tied his honey to the tracks" "But Dodgers mashed that desperado Like a soggy avocado" "Chewed him up like corn tortilla snacks" "Surprisingly refreshing." "Dodgers, Duck Dodgers" "To outlaws, he brought misery and grief" "Dodgers, brave Duck Dodgers" "Aided by his comedy relief" "Get your own song." "Things were looking bad that day For Dodgers" "'Cause Canasta had him cornered In the pass" "So Duck let out a bellow And brought robot buffaloes" "Stampeding down on old Canasta's:" "Dodgers, Duck Dodgers" "Danger, he never did avoid" "Dodgers, cowardly Duck Dodgers" "Hey!" "'Cause he knows He's only fighting an android" "Just yodel." "[YODELING]" "Well, I reckon that answers my question." "But what lies a-yonder?" "One of them seedy gambler types trying to entice some poor slob into an illicit poker game." "Pardon moi, señorita, but I have some ruffians to unruffle." " Come along, deputy." "CADET:" "You mean me?" "DODGERS:" "Of course, I mean you." " But I was never deputized." " Abracadabra, you're a deputy." " That's good enough for me." " Let's go." "Say there, carpetbagger I'm the new sheriff in this here rustic municipality." "And I'm the new deputy." "Don't pad your part." "And I don't take kindly to two-bit drifters." "Lower those cards when I'm a-talking to you, Shamus." "Well, lookie here." "They made a robot of that little Martian jerk." "COMMANDER:" "I'm not a robot, Dodgers." "So you're here on vacation too?" "No, I'm here to make sure the bounty hunter I hired destroys you." "Ha-ha-ha!" "What bounty hunter?" "[DOOR SLAMS OPEN]" "Where's Duck Dodgers?" "That bounty hunter." "That big goon?" "Why, he's just a silly robot." "Ha-ha-ha!" "COMMANDER:" "Oh, no." "I assure you Mr. Canasta is most real." "[SCREAMS]" "I'm gonna skin your worthless hide." "No thanks." "I'm not into piercings." "Hey!" "Stand back, you mean old villain, you." "[CHUCKLES]" "You know, I don't think Canasta's a robot." "He may not be, but I am." "Just when you think you know a guy." "[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]" "Why, that thing ain't natural." "[YELLING]" " Ahh." "What a beautiful sunset." " Indeed." "One thing's still got me confused." "If this cadet is a creepy robot, what happened to the real cadet?" "This is all the adventure I need." "COMMANDER:" "And now, my queen, may I propose my latest plan to shatter the will of our most brilliant and confounding adversary?" "QUEEN:" "I'm listening." " I will steal Duck Dodgers' brain!" "QUEEN:" "Interesting." "But won't a genius of Dodgers' caliber know his brain is missing?" "COMMANDER:" "Oh, no." "I will replace his brain with my specially created mechanical mind." "It will allow Dodgers to function on a rudimentary level while I unlock the mysteries of his psyche." "Finally, the secrets of the Galactic Protectorate are within my grasp." " I'll have another." " But, sir, you've already had five." "If I say I want another blazing onion curly fritter, I mean it." "Thank you." "[BELCHES]" "ANNOUNCER:" "Ladies and gentlemen introducing Cassiopeia." "[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]" "[SINGING] Space angel" "Singing, winging, way up high" "Space angel" "Cosmic sugar flutterby" "Floating freak-out upside down" "Come with me and you will see" "I can kick it, hyperdrive" "Hanging zero gravity" "Space angel" "Singing, winging, way up high" "Space angel" "Cosmic sugar flutterby" "[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS  CHEERS]" " Who is it?" " It's your space angel." "[BELCHES]" "Those blazing onion curly fritters really pack a wallop." "May the beauty of these flowers be a symbol of our everlasting love." "[SNIFFS]" "You might wanna check your shoes." "I think you stepped in something." "Your music touched my soul tonight." "It resonates deep within me." "Ahh!" "My wig's on fire!" "Put it out!" "Space leeches!" "Ahh!" "I'll get them." "Stand still." "CASSIOPEIA:" "Security!" "Poor kid needs to calm down." "Ha-ha-ha." "Family Circus has still got it." "[GASPS]" "COMMANDER:" "Got him." "Bring us onboard." "[DODGERS SNORING]" "COMMANDER:" "Laser scalpel." " Cranial spanner." "DODGERS:" "Oh, no, Alfalfa." "COMMANDERY:" "Hydro-clamp." "DODGERS:" "I'm asking Darla to the ballet." "COMMANDER:" "It's working." "Almost have it." "Behold, Duck Dodgers' brain." "[TOILET FLUSHES]" "Wow, do I feel better." "My mind is so clear." "Say, where did this great hat come from?" "It's much nicer than I.Q. Hi's." " Good to have you back, captain." " It's good to be back, cadet." "Wow, that's a great hat." "Where'd you get it?" "I have absolutely no idea." "Let us away to the bridge." "I'm anxious to get back to work." "So you can see how mankind's whole "social contract" is built on the bedrock of haberdashery." "As the immortal bard once said:" ""'Tis more important what rests uponeth a man's skull than what resideth withineth."" "[ALARM BEEPS]" "Dodgers, something terrible has happened." "We've learned that the Martians have stolen the brain..." " ...of one of our Protectorate captains." " Poor devil." "Any idea who it was?" "No idea." "But we do know it's being analyzed aboard the Martian commander's ship at this very" "Say, that's a great hat." "Where'd you get it?" "I have absolutely no idea." "So you want me to rescue it, eh?" " The hat?" " No, the brain." "Yeah, yeah, the brain." "Yeah, rescue it." "Good thinking." "Thanks." "Dodgers out." "Follow me to the evaporator room." "We need to get onboard that Martian's ship." "Wow, that's a really great hat." ""I have absolutely no idea." Pfft." "I'll bet." "Micronize me." "Beginning insertion process." "I'm proceeding into Dodgers' intelligence cortex." "And there it is." "This is impossible." "There's nothing here." "[BEEPING]" "Fat globules!" "Retreat!" "[ALARM WAILING]" "DODGERS:" "We've been detected." "Initiate attack sequence Y-Y-z." "CADET:" "What?" "DODGERS:" "Just try to stay out of the way." "Captain, watch out." "Way ahead of you, cadet." "ROBOT:" "Subdue the duck with the great hat." "Let's mambo." "How did he do that?" "It was quite simple, old chum." "Just a matter of channeling the robot's actuator through improvised manual controls." " Who are you?" " Let's go." "Oh, this is bad." "Very bad indeed." "Bring me the medulla-magnification helmet." "Harmonize the psychic waves." "Activate." "Ahh!" "[GRUNTING]" "I'm inside Dodgers' mind." "Yuck." "The intelligence cortex must be here somewhere." "That's it." "Now I will learn what dwells within the core of Dodgers' brilliant mind." "[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]" "[SCREAMS]" "What the--?" "[SINGING] Space angel" "Singing, winging, way up high" "Space angel" "Cosmic sugar flutterby" "Floating freak-out upside down" "Come with me and you will see" "I can kick it, hyperdrive" "Hanging zero gravity" "COMMANDER [SINGING]:" "Space angel" "Singing, winging, way up high" "Oh, dear." "Space angel" "Cosmic sugar flutterby" "[CACKLES]" "Unhand that innocent Earth brain, you Martian varlet." "COMMANDER:" "Huh?" "It's the space angel." "I don't know how it is on Mars but on Mother Earth, we respect" "No, we revere the sanctity of the brain." "We have so much esteem for that noble lobe that we have special institutions to nurture them." "We call these institutions, schools." "We make our children go to them and they are taught by teachers." "Teachers whom we reward with tearful accolades and low-paying salaries." "And I shall do no disrespect to that great system." "COMMANDER:" "Here, take it!" "Take it!" "I hadn't quite finished my speech." "Take this too!" "Take it all!" "Just get out of my ship!" "[CACKLES]" "Well, cadet, it's time to return this brain back to the poor beaver that lost it." "Sure feel sorry for him, whoever he is." "Oh, well, it was fun while it lasted." "[English" " US" "SDH]"