"[man's voice] Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl." "And throughout the land, everyone was happy... until the sun went down and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night." "Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss..." "of the handsome Prince Charming." "[horse whinnies]" "It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Dragon 's keep." "[crows caw]" "For he was the bravest, and most handsome... in all the land." "And it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse." "He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her... [gasps]" "What?" " Princess..." "Fiona?" " No!" "[sighs relief] Oh, thank heavens." "Where is she?" " She's on her honeymoon." " Honeymoon?" "With whom?" " She's on her honeymoon." " Honeymoon?" "With whom?" "[# Counting Crows:" "Accidentally In Love]" "# So she said what's the problem, baby?" "# What's the problem?" "I don't know" "# Well, maybe I'm in love" "# Think about it every time I think 'bout it" "# Can't stop thinking 'bout it" "# How much longer will it take to cure this?" "# Just to cure it, 'cause I can't ignore it" "# If it's love, love" "# Makes me wanna turn around and face me" "# But I don't know nothing 'bout love" "# Oh, come on, come on" " [screams] - # Turn a little faster" "# Come on, come on" "# The world will follow after" "# Come on, come on" "# Everybody's after love" "# So I said I'm a snowball running" "# Running down into this spring that's coming all this love" "# Melting under blue skies belting out sunlight" "# Shimmering love" "# Well, baby, I surrender" "# To the strawberry ice cream" "# Never ever end of all this love" "# Well, I didn't mean to do it" "# But there's no escaping your love" "# These lines of lightning mean we're never alone" "# Never alone, no, no" "# Come on, come on" "# Jump a little higher" "# Come on, come on" "# If you feel a little lighter" "# Come on, come on" "# We were once upon a time in love" "Hyah!" "# We 're accidentally in love" "# Accidentally in love" "# Accidentally in love" "# Accidentally in love" "# Accidentally in love" "# Accidentally in love" "# Accidentally in love" "# Accidentally" "# I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love" "# I'm in love, I'm in love" "# Accidentally in love" "# I'm in love" "It's so good to be home!" " [distant singing] - [giggling]" "Just you and me and..." "[Donkey sings]" " # Two can be as bad as one... #" " Donkey?" "Shrek!" "Fiona!" "Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes!" "Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine." "[chuckles]" "And look at you, Mrs. Shrek." "How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed?" "Donkey, what are you doing here?" "Taking care of your love nest for you." "Oh, you mean like... sorting the mail and watering the plants?" " Yeah, and feeding the fish!" " I don't have any fish." "You do now." "I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona." "That Shrek is a rascally devil." "Get your..." "Look at the time." "I guess you'd better be going." "Don't you want to tell me about your trip?" "Or how about a game of Parcheesi?" "Actually, Donkey?" "Shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon?" "Oh, yeah, that." "I don't know." "She's been all moody and stuff lately." "I thought I'd move in with you." "You know we're always happy to see you, Donkey." "But Fiona and I are married now." "We need a little time, you know, to be together." "Just with each other." "Alone." "Say no more." "You don't have to worry about a thing." "I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you." " Donkey!" " Yes, roomie?" "You're bothering me." "Oh, OK." "All right, cool." "I guess..." "Me and Pinocchio was going to catch a tournament, anyway, so..." "Maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something." "He'll be fine." "Now, where were we?" "[giggles] Oh." "I think I remember." " Donkey!" " [Fiona yelps]" "I know, I know!" "Alone!" "I'm going!" "I'm going." "What do you want me to tell these other guys?" "[fanfare]" "[ # theme to Hawaii Five-O]" "Enough, Reggie." "[clears throat] "Dearest Princess Fiona." ""You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away" ""for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage" ""at which time the King" ""will bestow his royal blessing..." "upon you and your..."" "uh... "Prince Charming." ""Love, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away." ""aka Mom and Dad."" "Mom and Dad?" " Prince Charming?" " Royal ball?" "Can I come?" " We're not going." " [both] What?" "I mean, don't you think they might be a bit... shocked to see you like this?" "[chuckles] Well, they might be a bit surprised." "But they're my parents, Shrek." "They love me." "And don't worry." "They'll love you, too." "Yeah, right." "Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club." "Stop it." "They're not like that." "How do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?" "Oh, come on!" "You could at least give them a chance." "To do what?" "Sharpen their pitchforks?" "No!" "They just want to give you their blessing." "Oh, great." "Now I need their blessing?" "If you want to be a part of this family, yes!" "Who says I want to be part of this family?" "You did!" "When you married me!" "Well, there's some fine print for you!" "[exasperated sigh] So that's it." "You won't come?" "Trust me." "It's a bad idea." "We are not going!" "And that's final!" "Come on!" "We don't want to hit traffic!" "[Gingy] Don't worry!" "We'll take care of everything." "[all cheer]" " Hey, wait for me." "Oof!" " [glass breaks] [sighs]" "[# Chic:" "Le Freak]" "# Hit it!" "Move 'em on!" "Head 'em up!" "Head 'em up, move 'em on!" "Head 'em up!" "# Rawhide!" "Move 'em on!" "Head 'em up!" "# Move 'em on!" "Move 'em on!" "Head 'em up!" "Rawhide!" "# Ride 'em up!" "Move 'em on!" "Head 'em up!" "Move 'em on!" "Rawhide!" "# Knock 'em out!" "Pound 'em dead!" "Make 'em tea!" "Buy 'em drinks!" "# Meet their mamas!" "Milk 'em hard!" "# Rawhide!" "# Yee-haw!" " [Donkey] Are we there yet?" " [Shrek] No." " [Donkey] Are we there yet?" " [Fiona] Not yet." " [Donkey] OK, are we there yet?" " [Fiona] No." " [Donkey] Are we there yet?" " [Shrek] No!" " [Donkey] Are we there yet?" " [Shrek] Yes." " Really?" " No!" " Are we there yet?" " [Fiona] No!" " Are we there yet?" " [Shrek] We are not!" " Are we there yet?" " [Shrek  Fiona] No!" " Are we there yet?" " [Shrek mimics]" " That's not funny." "That's really immature." " [Shrek mimics]" " This is why nobody likes ogres." " [Shrek mimics]" " Your loss!" " [Shrek mimics]" " I'm gonna just stop talking." " Finally!" "This is taking forever, Shrek." "There's no in-flight movie or nothing!" "The Kingdom of Far, Far Away, Donkey." "That's where we're going." "Far, far... [softly] away!" "All right, all right, I get it." "I'm just so darn bored." "Well, find a way to entertain yourself." "[sighs]" "[deep sigh]" "[clicks tongue] [popping]" " [popping] - [exasperated sigh]" "For five minutes..." "Could you not be yourself... [shouts]...for five minutes!" " [popping] - [shrieks]" "Are we there yet?" " [chuckles] Yes!" " Oh, finally!" "[fanfare]" "[ # Lipps, Inc:" "Funkytown]" "Wow!" "It's going to be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on." "Hey, good-looking!" "We'll be back to pick you up later!" "# Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me" "We are definitely not in the swamp anymore." "[whistle] Halt!" "# Well, I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it" "Hey, everyone, look." "# Talk about, talk about movin'... #" "Hey, ladies!" "Nice day for a parade, huh?" "You working that hat." "[Donkey] Swimming pools!" "Movie stars!" "[cheering]" "[applause]" "[fanfare]" "Announcing the long-awaited return of the beautiful Princess Fiona and her new husband." "Well, this is it." " This is it." " This is it." "This is it." "[fanfare]" "[fanfare and cheering stop] [gasps] [tweeting]" "[baby wails]" "Uh... why don't you guys go ahead?" "I'll park the car." "[chuckles] So... you still think this was a good idea?" "Of course!" "Look." "Mom and Dad look happy to see us." " [softly] Who on earth are they?" " [softly] I think that's our little girl." "That's not little!" "That's a really big problem." "Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?" "Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look... [softly] Happy now?" "We came." "We saw them." "Now let's go before they light the torches." " They're my parents." " Hello?" "They locked you in a tower." "That was for my own..." "Good!" "Here's our chance." "Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home." "Harold, we have to be..." "Quick!" "While they're not looking we can make a run for it." "Shrek, stop it!" "Everything's gonna be..." "A disaster!" "There is no way..." " You can do this." " I really..." " Really..." " don't... want... to... be..." "Here!" "Mom..." "Dad..." "I'd like you to meet my husband..." "Shrek." "Well, um..." "It's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from." "[chuckles nervously]" "[gulps]" "[belches]" " Excuse me." " [Shrek  Fiona laugh]" "Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona?" "[both giggle]" "[Shrek] That's good." "I guess not." "What do you mean, "not on the list"?" "Don't tell me you don't know who I am." "What do you mean, "not on the list"?" "Don't tell me you don't know who I am." "What's happening, everybody?" "Thanks for waiting." " I had the hardest time finding this place." " No!" "No!" "Bad donkey!" "Bad!" "Down!" "No, Dad!" "It's all right." "It's all right." "He's with us." " He helped rescue me from the dragon." " That's me: the noble steed." "Waiter!" "How 'bout a bowl for the steed?" "Oh, boy." "[slurps]" " Um, Shrek?" " Yeah?" "Oh, sorry!" "Great soup, Mrs Q." "Mmm!" "No, no." "Darling." "[chuckles nervously] Oh!" "So, Fiona, tell us about where you live." "Well..." "Shrek owns his own land." " Don't you, honey?" " Oh, yes!" "It's in an enchanted forest abundant in squirrels and cute little duckies and... [laughing] What?" "I know you ain't talking about the swamp." "An ogre from a swamp." "Oh!" "How original." "I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children." " [splutters] - [chokes]" "It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?" " indeed." "I just started eating." " Harold!" " What's that supposed to mean?" " Dad." "It's great, OK?" " For his type, yes." " My type?" "I got to go to the bathroom." " Dinner is served!" " Never mind." "I can hold it." "Bon appetit!" "Oh, Mexican food!" "My favorite." "Let's not sit here with our tummies rumbling." "Everybody dig in." "Don't mind if I do, Lillian." "I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be..." "Ogres, yes!" "Not that there's anything wrong with that." "Right, Harold?" "Oh, no!" "No!" "Of course, not!" "That is, assuming you don't eat your own young!" "Dad!" "No, we usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower!" " Shrek, please!" " I only did that because I love her." "Aye, day care or dragon-guarded castle." "You wouldn't understand." "You're not her father!" "It's so nice to have the family together for dinner." " Harold!" " Shrek!" " Fiona!" " Fiona!" " Mom!" " Harold..." "Donkey!" "[glissando]" "# Yourfallen tears have called to me" "# So, here comes my sweet remedy" "# I know what every princess needs" "# For her to live life happily... # [both gasp]" "Oh, my dear." "Oh, look at you." "You're all grown up." " Who are you?" " Oh, sweet pea!" "I'm your fairy godmother." " I have a fairy godmother?" " Shush, shush." "Now, don't worry." "I'm here to make it all better." "With just a..." "# Wave of my magic wand Your troubles will soon be gone" "# With a flick of the wrist and just a flash You'll land a prince with a ton of cash" "# A high-priced dress made by mice no less" "# Some crystal glass pumps And no more stress" "# Your worries will vanish, your soul will cleanse" "# Confide in your very own furniture friends" "# We 'll help you set a new fashion trend" " # I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great - # The kind of girl a prince would date!" "# They'll write your name on the bathroom wall..." "# "For a happy ever after, give Fiona a call!"" "# A sporty carriage to ride in style, Sexy man boy chauffeur, Kyle" "# Banish your blemishes, tooth decay, Cellulite thighs will fade away" "# And oh, what the hey!" "Have a bichon fris¨¦!" "'" "# Nip and tuck, here and there to land that prince with the perfect hair" "# Lipstick liners, shadows blush To get that prince with the sexy tush" "# Lucky day, hunk buffet You and your prince take a roll in the hay" "# You can spoon on the moon With the prince to the tune" "# Don't be drab, you'll be fab Your prince will have rock-hard abs" "# Cheese souffl¨¦, Valentine's Day Have some chicken fricassee!" "# Nip and tuck, here and there To land that prince with the perfect hair #" "Stop!" "[chuckles] Look..." "Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother, but I really don't need all this." "[gasps and mutterings of disapproval]" " Fine." "Be that way." " We didn't like you, anyway." " [knocking] - [Shrek] Fiona?" "Fiona?" "[dog barks]" "Oh!" "You got a puppy?" "All I got in my room was shampoo." "Oh, uh..." "Fairy Godmother, furniture... [giggles]" "I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek." "Your husband?" "What?" "What did you say?" "When did this happen?" "Shrek is the one who rescued me." " But that can't be right." " Oh, great, more relatives!" "She's just trying to help." "Good!" "She can help us pack." "Get your coat, dear." "We're leaving." " What?" " I don't want to leave." "When did you decide this?" " Shortly after arriving." " Look, I'm sorry..." "No, that's all right." "I need to go, anyway." "But remember, dear." "If you should ever need me... happiness... is just a teardrop away." "Thanks, but we've got all the happiness we need." "Happy, happy, happy... [laughs] So I see." "Let's go, Kyle." " Very nice, Shrek." " What?" "I told you coming here was a bad idea." "You could've at least tried to get along with my father." "I don't think I was going to get Daddy's blessing, even if I did want it." "Do you think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted?" "Sure." "Do you want me to pack for you?" "You're unbelievable!" "You're behaving like a..." " Go on!" "Say it!" " Like an ogre!" "Here's a news flash for you!" "Whether your parents like it or not..." "I am an ogre!" " [yelps] - [roars]" "And guess what, Princess?" "That's not about to change." "I've made changes for you, Shrek." "Think about that." "That's real smooth, Shrek." ""I'm an ogre!"" "[mimics Shrek roaring]" "[sniffling]" "I knew this would happen." "[Lillian] You should." "You started it." "I can hardly believe that, Lillian." "He's the ogre." "Not me." "I think, Harold, you're taking this a little too personally." "This is Fiona's choice." "But she was supposed to choose the prince we picked for her." "I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this... thing?" "Fiona does." "And she'll never forgive you if you don't." "I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold." "Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable." "Don't you remember when we were young?" "We used to walk down by the lily pond and..." " they were in bloom..." " Our first kiss." "It's not the same!" "I don't think you realize that our daughter has married a monster!" "Oh, stop being such a drama king." "Fine!" "Pretend there's nothing wrong!" "La, di, da, di, da!" "Isn't it all wonderful!" "I'd like to know how it could get any worse!" " Hello, Harold." " [gasps]" " What happened?" " Nothing, dear!" "Just the old crusade wound playing up a bit!" "[chuckles]" "I'll just stretch it out here for a while." "You better get in." "We need to talk." "Actually, Fairy Godmother, off to bed." "[yawns] Already taken my pills, and they tend to make me a bit drowsy." "So, how about... we make this a quick visit." "What?" "Oh, hello." "Ha-ha-ha!" "So, what's new?" "You remember my son, Prince Charming?" "Is that you?" "My gosh!" "It's been years." "When did you get back?" "Oh, about five minutes ago, actually." "After I endured blistering winds, scorching desert..." "I climbed to the highest room in the tallest tower..." "Mommy can handle this." "He endures blistering winds and scorching desert!" "He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower..." "And what does he find?" "Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess is already married." "It wasn't my fault." "He didn't get there in time." "Stop the car!" "[crash]" "Harold." "You force me to do something I really don't want to do." "[gasps] Where are we?" "Hi." "Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy!" "May I take your order?" "My diet is ruined!" "I hope you're happy." "Er... okay." "Two Renaissance Wraps, no mayo... chili rings..." " I'll have the Medieval Meal." " One Medieval Meal and, Harold..." " Curly fries?" " No, thank you." " Sourdough soft taco, then?" " No, really, I'm fine." "Your order, Fairy Godmother." "This comes with the Medieval Meal." "There you are, dear." "We made a deal, Harold, and I assume you don't want me to go back on my part." "[sighs deeply] Indeed not." "So, Fiona and Charming will be together." " Yes." " Believe me, Harold." "It's what's best." "Not only for your daughter... but for your Kingdom." "What am I supposed to do about it?" "Use your imagination." "[whooshing]" "[whinnies]" "Oh..." "Come on in, Your Majesty." "[piano plays, people talk]" "# I like my town" "# With a little drop of poison" "# Nobody knows... [barman belches] [clears throat] Excuse me." "Do I know you?" "No, you must be mistaking me for someone else." "Uh... excuse me." "I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister." "Ah!" "There you are." "Right." "You see, I need to have someone taken care of." " Who's the guy?" " Well, he's not a guy, per se." "Um..." "He's an ogre." "[crowd gasp]" "Hey, buddy, let me clue you in." "There's only one fellow who can handle a job like that, and, frankly... he don't like to be disturbed." "he don't like to be disturbed." "Where could I find him?" "[knock on door]" "Hello?" "Who dares enter my room?" "Sorry!" "I hope I'm not interrupting, but I'm told you're the one to talk to about an ogre problem?" "You are told correct." "But for this, I charge a great deal of money." "Would... this be enough?" "You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty." "Just tell me where I can find this ogre." "[# Eels:" "I Need Some Sleep] [snoring]" "[chimes]" "# Everyone says I'm getting down too low" "# Everyone says you've just gotta let it go" "# You just gotta let it go" "# I need some sleep" "# Time to put the old horse down" "# I'm in too deep" "# And the wheels keep spinning round" "# Everyone says you've just gotta let it go #" "# Everyone says you've just gotta let it go #" "Dear Knight, I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude." "[plays tune]" "Dear Diary..." "Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go." "He never lets me out after sunset." "Dad says I'm going away for a while." "Must be like some finishing school." "Mom says that when I'm old enough, my Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family, and we'll all live happily ever after." "Mrs. Fiona Charming." "Mrs. Fiona Charming." "Mrs. Fiona Charming." "[echoing] Mrs. Fiona Charming." "[knock on door]" "Sorry." "I hope I'm not interrupting anything." "No, no." "I was just reading a, uh..." "a scary book." "I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behavior earlier." " Okay..." " I don't know what came over me." "Do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over..." " Look, Your Majesty, I just..." " Please." "Call me Dad." "Dad." "We both acted like ogres." "Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other." "Excellent idea!" "I was actually hoping you might join me for a morning hunt." "A little father-son time?" "I know it would mean the world to Fiona." "[sighs]" "Shall we say, 7:30 by the old oak?" "[birds twitter]" "[Shrek] Face it, Donkey!" "We're lost." "We can't be lost." "We followed the King's instructions exactly." ""Head to the darkest part of the woods..."" ""Past the sinister trees with scary-looking branches."" " The bush shaped like Shirley Bassey!" " We passed that three times already!" "You were the one who said not to stop for directions." "Oh, great." "My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad and I end up lost in the woods with you!" "Don't get huffy!" "I'm only trying to help." "I know!" "I know." " I'm sorry, all right?" " Hey, don't worry about it." "I just really need to make things work with this guy." "Yeah, sure." "Now let's go bond with Daddy." "[purring] [purring]" "Well, well, well, Donkey." "I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring?" "What?" "I ain't purring." "Sure." "What's next?" "A hug?" "Hey, Shrek." "Donkeys don't purr." "What do you think I am, some kind of a..." "Ha-ha!" "Fear me, if you dare!" "[hisses]" "Look!" "A little cat." " Look out, Shrek!" "He got a piece!" " It's a cat, Donkey." "Come here, little kitty, kitty." "Come on, little kitty." "Come here." "Oh!" "Come here, little kitty." " [screaming]" " Whoa!" " Hold on, Shrek!" "I'm coming!" " Come on!" "Get it off!" "Get it off!" "Oh, God." "Oh..." "No!" " Look out, Shrek!" "Hold still!" " Get it off!" "Shrek!" "Hold still!" " Did I miss?" " No." "You got them." "Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from..." "Puss... in Boots!" "I'll kill that cat!" "Ah-ha-ha!" "[coughs]" "[wheezes]" "[retches] [coughs]" " [chuckles] Hairball." " Oh!" "That is nasty!" "What should we do with him?" "Take the sword and neuter him." "Give him the Bob Barker treatment." "Oh, no!" "Por favor!" "Please!" "I implore you!" "It was nothing personal, Se?" "or." "I was doing it only for my family." "My mother, she is sick." "And my father lives off the garbage!" "The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers..." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Fiona's father paid you to do this?" "The rich King?" "S¨ª." "[screams]" "Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing." "Don't feel bad." "Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you." "Gee, thanks." "Maybe Fiona would've been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming." "That's what the King said." "Oh, uh... sorry." "I thought that question was directed at me." "Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her." "Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could." "I just..." "I just wish I could make her happy." "Hold the phone..." ""Happiness."" ""A tear drop away."" "Donkey!" "Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you!" "Aw, man, where do I begin?" "First there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans." "Then this fool had a party and he have the guests trying to pin the tail on me." "Then they got drunk and start beating me with a stick, going "Pi?" "ata!"" "What is a pi?" "ata, anyway?" "No, Donkey!" "I need you to cry!" "Don't go projecting on me." "I know you're feeling bad, but you got to..." "Aaaahhh!" "You little, hairy, litter-licking sack of..." "What?" "Is it on?" "Is it on?" "[clears throat]" "This is Fairy Godmother." "I'm either away from my desk or with a client." "But if you come by the office, we'll be glad to make you an appointment." "Have a "happy ever after. "" "Oh..." "Are you up for a little quest, Donkey?" "That's more like it!" "Shrek and Donkey, on another whirlwind adventure!" "# Ain't no stoppin' us now!" "Whoo!" "We're on the move!" " Stop, Ogre!" "I have misjudged you." " Join the club." "We've got jackets." "On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine." "The position of annoying talking animal has already been taken." "Let's go, Shrek." "Shrek?" " Shrek!" " Aw, come on, Donkey." "Look at him... in his wee little boots." "You know, how many cats can wear boots?" "Honestly." " Let's keep him!" " Say what?" "[purrs]" "Ahh!" "Listen." "He's purring!" " Oh, so now it's cute." " Come on, Donkey." "Lighten up." "Lighten up?" "I should lighten up?" "Look who's telling who to lighten up!" "Lighten up?" "I should lighten up?" "Look who's telling who to lighten up!" "[giggles] Shrek!" "[barks] [barks]" "Shrek?" "They're both festive, aren't they?" "What do you think, Harold?" "Um..." "Yes, yes." "Fine." "Fine." "[sighs]" "Try to at least pretend you're interested in your daughter's wedding ball." "Honestly, Lillian, I don't think it matters." "How do we know there will even be a ball?" "Mom." "Dad." " Oh, hello, dear." " What's that, Cedric?" "Right!" "Coming." "Mom, have you seen Shrek?" "I haven't." "You should ask your father." "Be sure and use small words, dear." "He's a little slow this morning." " Can I help you, Your Majesty?" " Ah, yes!" "Um..." "Mmm!" "Exquisite." "What do you call this dish?" "That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty." "Ah, yes." "Very good, then." "Carry on, Cedric." " Dad?" "Dad, have you seen Shrek?" " No, I haven't, dear." "I'm sure he just went off to look for a nice... mud hole to cool down in." "You know, after your little spat last night." "Oh." "You heard that, huh?" "The whole kingdom heard you." "I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be... well, a bit of a brute." "Him?" "You know, you didn't exactly roll out the Welcome Wagon." "Well, what did you expect?" "Look at what he's done to you." "Shrek loves me for who I am." "I would think you'd be happy for me." "Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you." "Maybe you should do the same." "[both whisper]" "No, really?" "[both laugh]" "[Shrek] Shh..." "Oh... [hooter blasts]" "Oh, no." "That's the old Keebler's place." "Let's back away slowly." "That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage." "She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom." "Then why don't we pop in there for a spell?" "Ha-ha!" "Spell!" "[Puss in Boots shrieks with laughter]" "[Puss in Boots] He makes me laugh." "Hi." "I'm here to see the..." "The Fairy Godmother." "I'm sorry." "She is not in." "Jerome!" "Coffee and a Monte Cristo." "Now!" "[sighs]" "Yes, Fairy Godmother." "Right away." "Look, she's not seeing any clients today, OK?" "That's OK, buddy." "We're from the union." "The union?" "We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign." "Oh!" "Oh, right." "Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?" "Uh... a little." "We don't even have dental." "They don't even have dental." "Okay, we'll just have a look around." "Oh." "By the way." "I think it'd be better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here." " Know what I'm saying?" "Huh?" " Huh?" "Huh?" "Huh?" " Stop it." " Of course." "Go right in." "[voices and grinding machines]" "[explosion]" "A drop of desire." "[giggles] Naughty!" "A pinch of passion." "[laughs]" "And just a hint of..." "Iust!" "[laughs]" " [Shrek] Excuse me." " [gasps]" "Sorry to barge in like this..." "What in Grimm's name are you doing here?" "Well, it seems that Fiona's not exactly happy." "Oh-ho-ho!" "And there's some question as to why that is?" "Well, let's explore that, shall we?" "Ah." "P, P, P..." "Princess." "Cinderella." "Here we are." ""Lived happily ever after." Oh... [laughs] No ogres!" "Let's see." "Snow White." "A handsome prince." "Oh, no ogres." "Sleeping Beauty." "Oh, no ogres!" "Hansel and Gretel?" "No!" "Thumbelina?" "No." "The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman..." "No, no, no, no, no!" "You see, ogres don't live happily ever after." "All right, look, lady!" "Don't you point..." "those dirty green sausages at me!" "Your Monte Cristo and coffee." "Oh!" "Sorry." "Ah... that's okay." "We were just leaving." "Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother." "Just... go." "Come on, guys." "[whistles tune]" "TGlF, eh, buddy?" "Working hard or hardly working, eh, Mac?" "Get your fine Corinthian footwear and your cat cheeks out of my face!" "Man, that stinks!" "You don't exactly smell like a basket of roses." " Well, one of these has got to help." " I was just concocting this very plan!" "Already our minds are becoming one." "Whoa, whoa." "If we need an expert on licking ourselves, we'll give you a call." "Shrek, this is a bad idea." "Look." "Make yourself useful and go keep watch." "Puss, do you think you could get to those on top?" "No problema, boss." "In one of my nine lives," "I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela." "Ha-ha-ha-ha!" "Shrek, are you off your nut?" "Donkey, keep watch." "Keep watch?" "Yeah, I'll keep watch." "I'll watch that wicked witch come and whammy a world of hurt up your backside." "I'll laugh, too." "I'll be giggling to myself." " What do you see?" " Toad Stool Softener?" "I'm sure a nice BM is the perfect solution for marital problems." " Elfa Seltzer?" " Uh-uh." " Hex Lax?" " No!" "Try "handsome."" "Sorry." "No handsome." "Hey!" "How about "Happily Ever After"?" "Well, what does it do?" "It says "Beauty Divine."" "In some cultures, donkeys are revered as the wisest of creatures." "Especially us talking ones." "[gasps] Donkey!" "That'll have to do." "We've got company." "Can we get on with this?" "Hurry!" "Nice catch, Donkey!" "Finally!" "A good use for your mouth." "[# Pete Yorn:" "Ever Fallen In Love]" "Come on!" "# You spurn my natural emotions" "# You make me feel like dirt and I'm hurt" "# And if I start a commotion" "# I run the risk of losing you and that's worse" "# Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love" "# In love with someone, ever fallen in love" "# In love with someone you shouldn 't have fallen in love with" "# Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love" "# In love with someone, ever fallen in love" "# With someone you shouldn 't have fallen in love with" "# Fallen in love with" "# Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn 't have fallen in love with #" "I don't care whose fault it is." "Just get this place cleaned up!" "And somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate!" " Mother!" " Charming." "Sweetheart." "This isn't a good time, pumpkin." "Mama's working." "Whoa, what happened here?" " The ogre, that's what!" " What?" "Where is he, Mom?" "I shall rend his head from his shoulders!" "I will smite him where he stands!" "He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me!" "Oh, put it away, Junior!" "You're still going to be king." "We'll just have to come up with something smarter." "Pardon." "Um..." "Everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother, except for one potion." "What?" "Oh..." "I do believe we can make this work to our advantage." ""Happily Ever After Potion." "Maximum strength."