""Imaginationland (Part 1)" a.k.a Kyle Sucks Cartman's Balls" "I'm going down to South Park, gonna have myself a time," "Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation," "I'm goin out to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind," "Ample parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbor," "I'm heading out to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind," "I like fucking silly bitches and I know my penis likes it." "So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine," "All right, let's try over here." "Set up traps there, and there as well." "Last time I saw him, he ran right through here." "This is so retarded, Cartman." "You've got everyone believing your stupid story." "It isn't a story, it's true!" "I saw a leprechaun." "I've seen him come through here three days in a row now." "Hawk Eyes, this is Dragon Wind." "Do you copy?" "This is Hawk Eyes." "We've set up the net and we're standing by." "Copy that, Hawk Eyes." "Keep surveillance tag Alpha Niner." "Dragon Wind out." "Just admit you were lying, Cartman, so that everyone can go home!" "Oh no!" "We have a deal, Kyle!" "If I can prove there's a leprechaun, you have to suck my balls, remember?" "Dragon Wind to Blackie:" "What's your six, Blackie?" "I don't want the code name Blackie." "Code names are what they are, Blackie!" "Check your six and alert when in position!" " This is fucking retarded!" " Hah, getting nervous, Kyle?" "When that leprechaus shows up, you must suck my balls!" "Don't forget I have a signed contract from you." "Yeah, and if you couldn't prove sthere was a leprechaun, you have to give me ten dollars!" "Now just pay up and stop being stupid!" "Goddamnit, why hasn't it shown up yet?" "Dragon Wind to Faggot!" "Come in, Faggot!" "This is Faggot." "Go ahead." "Faggot, I need you to keep surveillance North to North East." "Check back in five." "Okay, will do." "Faggot out." "Okay, that's enough." "Everybody!" "Cartman is just pulling one of his stupid tricks on everyone." "Because he's trying to get out of a deal he made!" "It was here, I swear it!" "I don't know why it's not showing up this time!" "You didn't see a leprechaun, fatass!" "If you could prove it, I had to suck your balls, but if you couldn't, you had to pay me ten dollars!" "Pay up!" "Uh, I got something!" "I got it!" "It's uh..." "Oh jeez, I think it's a leprechaun." "Set off diversion track C!" " Dude..." " Fuh--Fuck me, it's a leprechaun." "Get it!" "Get that fucking leprechaun!" "I want it alive!" " Wow." " Cool." "No way." "Uh, move aside!" "Move aside!" "All right, butthole, where's the gold?" "You lads don't know what you're doing." "I need to deliver an important message!" "There's going to be an attack!" "Tell me where the gold is or you die... slow!" "Where'd he go?" "I was sent to warn of a terrorist attack, but you boys have made me late." "Now the terrorists will prevail." "The end is near!" "Dude." "Kyle, suck my balls." "Dad, where do leprechauns come from?" "From Ireland." "So... why would one come to America to warn us about a terrorist attack?" "Kyle, leprechauns aren't real." "You're almost nine now." "You need to understand the difference beween real and imaginary." "I thought I did." "Ms. Broflovski, how are you this fine evening?" "Oh, hello Eric." "Kyle, your friend is here." "Hello, Mr. Broflovski, Ike." "Nice evening, isn't it?" "Well Kyle, shall we go up to your room for a few minutes?" "Get out of here, Cartman, we're eating dinner." "Kyle, I believe a certain someone is supposed to put a certain set of balls in their mouth." " I'm not doing it, fatass!" " Doing what?" " We had a deal, Kyle." " Just get out of here!" " You signed an agreement, Kyle!" " I don't care if I signed an agreement!" "Hey now Kyle, if you made a deal with somebody, you have to stick by it." " Thank you, Mr. Broflovski." " What was the agreement?" "That if he could prove leprechauns exist," "I would suck his balls." "What--What?" "!" "And there was a leprechaun!" "You saw it, Kyle!" "Hey, dudes." "Hey, Kyle." " So, how was it?" " How was what?" "Sucking Cartman's b-balls." "I didn't suck his balls, all right?" "And I'm not going to!" "Dude, why did you ever agree to suck his balls in the first place?" "I didn't think there would actually be a leprechaun!" "And I still don't!" "Why would a leprechaun be warning us of a terrorist attack?" "There's another explanation for all this." "Excuse me." "Have you boys seen a leprechaun anywhere lately?" "What do you know about the leprechaun?" "Oh, then you did see him." "That's wontiferous!" "I want you to tell me everything he said." " Where was he?" "What was he doing?" " All right I've had enough!" " Leprechauns are imaginary!" " Well, of course they are." "But just because they're imaginary, doesn't mean they aren't real." "Haven't you boys ever used your imagination?" "You young man!" "How would you like to be a cowboy?" "Or a swashbuckling pirate?" "And you!" "How would you like to be an astronaut, far out in space?" "All it takes is a little... imagination." " Who the hell are you?" " Still not convinced, eh?" "I tell you what, boys." "What say we all take a ride on my Imagination Flying Machine?" "Dude." "Hop aboard, kids." "I have something to show you." "Are you gonna rape us?" "No?" " Ah, all right then." " Come on, guys." "Watch it, fellas." "I'm pretty sure this guy wants to rape us." "All aboard the Imagination Balloon!" "Some people feel imagination isn't real, but I tell them that they're wrong." "Because whenever I want to play and pretend, I just sing... the Imagination Song." "Are you gonna take us somewhere or not?" "But my boy, we're already here." " What is this place?" " This is Imaginationland." "It's where all the wonderful and goofy things that humans have made up over the years live together." "Citizens of Imaginationland!" "We have distinguished guests from the world beyond!" "Hello." "Welcome to Imaginationland." "I am the Lollipop King." "We are honored to have Creators in our kingdom." "Now, good news, everyone." "These boys did see the leprechaun!" "What did the leprechaun tell you?" "Did he have any news?" "Well he said there was gonna be a-- ...there was gonna be a" "Allah!" "Oh fuck, no!" "Stan, we have to get out of here!" "Quickly, boys." "Get on my back." "Fellas!" "Fellas, wait!" "Hold on, fellas!" " Butters." " Don't leave me, fellas!" "Come back!" "Dude!" " Hey, guys!" " Butters." "Where...?" "Oh." "Oh dude." "Oh, it was just a dream." "It was all just a crazy dream." "Oh my God." "Hello?" "Dude, did you finish your math homework?" "I kind of lost track of time last night." "No, no, I hardly got any sleep." "I had this whole messed up dream about some gay mayor guy taking us to Imaginationland where all these imaginary characters lived." "And then it got attacked by terrorists?" " Yeah!" "How'd you know?" " Dude!" "I had the same dream." "We jumped on a dragon's back and Butters got left behind!" "Stan?" "Stanley?" "You haven't seen your little friend Butters, have you?" "Why?" "Our darling Butters never came home last night." "What did they say?" "We don't wanna jump to conclusions, but..." "We're worried that maybe somebody kidnapped Butters, sodomized him over and over again and then fed his genitals to wild animals." "There there, darling." "Dude." "Ladies and gentlemen, I have dire news." "Yesterday, at approximately 18:00 hours, terrorists successfully attacked..." "our imagination." " Our imagination?" " How?" "The imaginary attack appears to have been in the works for years." "The effects of the attack are so far unimaginable." "We've intercepted this videotape the terrorists made for broadcast." "Luckily we've kept it from being broadcast to the public." "Assalam waleikum!" "No!" "It's just a Care Bear!" "Oh my God." "Later in the video, we can see another imaginary hostage, this one reading a forced statement." "Praise to the mighty Allah." "His divine grace and will have brought forth this day." "Oh jeez!" "Now see, your safety is at our whim." "This is the price you pay, America!" "You have defiled Allah, and now we shall turn your imagination against you!" "Death to the Infidels!" "Can I go now?" "Stan!" "Kyle!" "Could you-- Could you get me out of here?" "Gentlemen, the terrorists appear to have complete control of our imagination." "It's only a matter of time before our imaginations start running wild." "I believe a serious blow to democracy has just been dealt." "A travesty has occurred and I want justice!" "Kyle Broflovski did willingly and knowingly sign a contract, and yet, as to date, he has made no effort, nor does he show any intention, of ever sucking my balls." "I've given him ample time to fulfill his obligation and he has thus refused." "I stand before you with dry balls, Your Honor." "I've provided witnesses, collected testimonials, and still, my balls remain dry." "I want what I'm entitled to." "Mr. Broflovski, did you agree to orally imbibe" "Mr. Cartman's scrotum and testicles?" "I..." "Is this not your signature on the contract?" "Come, come on!" "Really?" "I mean, aren't there more important things going on right now?" "From what I've been presented and the evidence put forth, the court has no choice but to order you to place" "Mr. Cartman's pubicle sac in your mouth and draw upon it succulently for no less than 30 seconds." "Yes!" "You have twenty four hours to suck aforementioned balls." "If after that time you still refuse, the court will be forced to arrest you for contempt." "Next case!" "Thank you, Your Honor." "This isn't a victory for me." "This is a victory for the justice system." "And my balls." "What I am about to tell you is highly classified." "Two days ago, Muslim terrorists hijacked our imagination." "Frankly we don't know what their next move is or how to stop them." "In times like these, the government often turns to Hollywood for help." "You creative filmmakers can think of ideas we just can't." "That's why we've asked you here, M. Night Shyal-amalam." "The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village, all very clever films." "But can you use your amazing idea brain now to help us stop the terrorists?" "What if..." "What if it turns out they aren't terrorists?" "But they're actually werewolves?" "From the future?" "No." "No, they're terrorists." "They've been linked to Al Qaeda." "But what if Al Qaeda, it turns out, is the group being terrorized?" "By aliens?" "No, no." "That's not an idea, that's a twist." "We need ideas." "How about we make everyone think that terrorists attacked us?" "But really, we were all already dead." "Get him out of here." "Mr. Bay, can you think of any ideas how to outwit these terrorists?" "I believe I can." "We start by making a big CG building and then we have a meteor go, crosh!" "And it's all like, crawl." "And motorcycles burst into flame while they jump over these helicopters, right?" "No, no!" "We need ideas how to stop the terrorists!" "An eighteen-wheeler spins out of control and it's all like, brosh." "And then this huge tanker full of dinosaur" "Those aren't ideas, those are special effects!" " I don't understand the difference." " I know you don't." "Get him out of here!" "And being that we are all big Mel Gibson film fans, we thought maybe you could help us." "Ah, my nipples, they hurt!" "They hurt when I twist them!" "Yes, I don't suppose you have any creative ideas how to fight these terrorists?" "How about this?" "You have that videotape that the terrorists made, right?" "Well maybe if you did a background check on that videotape, you might find somebody who doesn't belong." "Somebody who doesn't fit in Imaginationland." "Hey, that's not a bad idea." "Yeah." "Say what you will about Mel Gibson, but the son of a bitch knows story structure." "Get the videotape and do a background check on everyone in it!" "Yes!" "All the imaginary characters in the tape were identified, sir." "Count Chocula, Cinderella, Snarf from Thundercats, but here..." "Nothing in American folklore or storytalling match this kid." "He appears to be just some kid." "Stan!" "Kyle!" "Could you, could you get me out of here?" "I want digital imaging and resource magnification done stat!" "If that kid isn't imaginary, I want to know who he is, where he's from and who his friends are!" "Yes, sir!" "Who are you?" "Uh, excuse me?" "Uh Mr. Terrorist, sir?" "Uh, I'm actually not imaginary and my parents are gonna ground me if I don't get back" "Okay, sorry." "Sorry." "Can you tell what the terrorists are doing?" "They're doing something to Rockety Rocket." "No!" "Leave me alone!" "It doesn't make sense." "What do they want with Rockety?" "The only reason they would" "Oh my God." "They're gonna blow up the Barrier!" " What's the Barrier?" " The wall!" "The wall which separates the evil side of Imaginationland from the good side!" "No!" "No, you can't blow up the barrier!" "Are you insane?" " We can't let this happen." " It will be the end of Imaginationland." " Yeah." "You have to stop them, kid." " Me?" " What am I supposed to do?" " Don't you get it?" "If the terrorists blow that barrier, all the most evil things ever imagined are gonna pour out and take over Imaginationland for good!" "You have to do something!" "Thanks for coming, everyone." "The big moment is almost here, as soon as Kyle arrives." "He's not gonna show up to suck your balls, dude." "He has to." "He's been ordered by the court." " Hey, he's here." " What?" "Move aside, move aside!" " Dude, do you really have to do it?" " Let's just get this over with!" "Yes, come on in, peasant Kyle, and pay homage to this Sultan's balls." "Goddamnit!" "Yes." "Yes!" "That's them, sir." "Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski." "You boys need to come with us on a matter of national security." "Who are you?" "There's no time!" "You need to come with us right now!" "Hey, let go of him!" "We aren't going to hurt your little friends." "We just need information." "No!" "No, he has to suck my balls!" "No!" "Kyle!" "Allah!" "No!" "No!" "Hold on!" "Hold on a second!" "Now, you really should think about this." "I mean..." "I know you think attacking our imagination will get you somewhere, but will it really?" "If you destroy that wall, all the most evil parts of our imagination are gonna break loose, but will it really make you terrorists feel better?" "Maybe it's time for us all to just get along." "Allah!" "Jesus Christ, no!" "That was your plan to stop them?" "Yeah and that's not a heartfelt speech?" "That's fucking stupid!" "They are coming..." "Glad I picked you up, kid." "It's dangerous for someone your age to be hitchhiking." "Yeah well, when a man has been wronged... he no longer cares about danger." "You going to Washington to visit family?" "I've got unfinished business." "You go through life being told there's justice, then you learn that the only real justice... is the justice you take." "Make no mistake, Kyle." "Before this is over, you will suck my balls."