"Hey, Timmy, get me a hot dog." "Hey, Dave." "I like your Dukes of Hazzard T-shirt." "Well, thanks, Sara." "I like your chips T-shirt." "Thanks." "Fun party, huh?" "Yeah." "Except for Arnie Shankman being here." "Wedgie!" "Wedgie!" "Wedgie!" "I feel bad for him with his sister losing her mind and all." "Whatever." "You know what we should do?" "Play Truth or Dare." "You want to?" "Sure." "Okay, I'll go first." "Truth or dare?" "Truth." "Have you ever kissed a girl before?" "Well, l" "Family doesn't count." "Maybe I'll take dare." "Okay." "I dare you to kiss me." "Right here?" "Yeah." "I want everyone to see that your first kiss is with me." "Got any mustard for that cocktail frank, butt-lick?" "David Buznik." "I just landed in St. Louis." "I hope you wrote my speech." "I did, sir." "I pulled an all nighter." "I look forward to this, Mr. Head." "Never been to St. Louis." "Thank you for allowing me to come on this trip" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Okay, that sounds great." "If we finish our work, I'd love to go to a jazz club." "Terrific." "He hung up on you again, didn't he?" "Yes." "Yes, he did." "He's a jerk." "You came up with the idea for the Husky Cat clothing line." "He didn't say thank you." "He should give you a promotion." "There's a creative executive position that just opened up, so...." "Bring that up on the trip." "You gotta stick up for yourself." "I know." "I'll figure something out." "I gotta go." "Sorry." "I'm gonna miss you." "That guy's looking at us." "You know I don't like it when people watch me kiss." "I'm sorry." "Take care." "Okay." "Bye." "Dave...." "Have a good flight." "Okay." "I'm sorry." "I think you're in my seat." "Come on, pal." "I'm already settled in here." "Can't you sit somewhere else?" "You're supposed to sit in the seat they assigned you." "Nobody cares." "Just sit in the seat I'm supposed to sit in." "Excuse me." "This seat's available." "Okay." "Thank you." "You're very welcome." "No air." "That's too bad, huh?" "You're on my side of the armrest." "We're not gonna have problems, are we?" "No." "I'm wetting my Jockeys here." "You gotta get a load of this, keed." "I mean, you like comedies?" "I just haven't been sleeping a lot lately so I was trying to catch some...." "Look at this actress here." "What is your position on breast implants?" "This guy." "I can just watch the movie with you." "Excuse me." "Could I get a headset?" "Certainly." "Thank you." "Probably make out with my next boyfriend." "Oh, my God, it was disgusting." "Miss?" "I'll be right there, sir." "Where's your headset?" "She's busy right now, but it's coming." "For crying out loud." "You're missing important plot points." "Ma'am?" "Could you give me a second, sir?" "Excuse me." "Could I maybe get that headset, please?" "Do not raise your voice to me, sir." "I wasn't raising my voice." "Just calm down." "I am calm." "I just want my headset." "Our country is going through a difficult time now." "If you won't cooperate" "I don't know where a headset ties into patriotism." "Is there a problem here, sir?" "I don't think so." "Can you come to the back with me so we can have a talk?" "A talk about what?" "There's not a problem." "The stewardess just keeps" "Flight attendant." "The flight attendant keeps ignoring me when" "Calm down." "I am calm." "What is it with you people?" ""You people"?" "Now wait a minute." "I don't mean you people." "I mean you people." "I will not tolerate any racist behavior on the plane." "This is a difficult time for our country." "I'm not a racist." "I just want to watch the movie." "I'm only going to say this one more time, sir." "Calm down." "I'm calm!" "All rise." "What do you think?" "Not guilty." "It's a no-brainer." "Mr. Buznik." "In case 723, assault and battery against a flight attendant I find you guilty." "I'm ordering you to pay a fine of $3500." "Thank God you're okay." "In addition, to prevent further acts of rage this court orders you to undergo 20 hours of anger management therapy." "Anger management?" "Oh, my goodness." "Bobby Knight." "You're in this group?" "Oh, yeah." "This is my first day." "It's my first day also." "I hope this class cures me." "Working on the anger problem?" "Anger?" "Isn't this Sexaholics Anonymous?" "No." "I think that's down the hall." "Well, the hell with this!" "I'm going home!" "Dr. Rydell?" "You don't remember me, do you?" "I sat next to you on the plane." "Oh, yeah, the headset guy." "Good to see you again." "Good to see you too." "That was a crazy flight." "They actually sentenced me to anger management for that." "Really?" "Wow." "This is incredible." "You could sign this for me and tell them I don't have an anger problem if you want." "I can't just sign your papers." "I didn't do anything wrong." "You know that." "All right." "How's this?" "Just hang for one session so I can at least say I gave you a proper analysis." "Then I'll sign your papers." "Okay." "Shall we?" "Oh, yes." "Yes." "So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken." "So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken." "And I was like, you know, "Don't go there."" "But he kept on about wanting to see a doctor's note or something." "And I said, "Look, I'm seriously serious." "You don't want to go there."" "But he kept talking and talking, being such a nag and then I just blacked out." "I blacked out." "And when I woke up, I was standing over him and I was screaming:" ""I told you not to go there!" "I told you not to go there!"" "How do you feel you handled that situation?" "Not as well as I could've." "Remember, Lou, temper's the one thing you can't get rid of by losing it." "Now, Fury Fighters, let's say hello to someone who's joining our quest to get the anger monkeys off our backs:" "Dave." "Hi, Dave." "Hi." "Good news, I fed my anger monkey a banana this morning and he's feeling much better." "More good news, you won't have to listen to those lame jokes because I'm only here for one session." "Dave assaulted a female flight attendant in midair." "Nice." "I bet you beat her good." "I didn't beat anybody." "I touched a woman." "Liar." "Bullshitter." "You're a woman beater." "You can't admit it because you're a piece of garbage." "I don't know about all that, but now I understand why you're here." "I'm here because I was verbally attacked by my neighbor." "And I took a dump on his porch." "I guess you're better than me." "That's why you can't cop to your rage." "You're superior." "He's superior." "Maybe Dave's not ready yet, Chuck." "You're not ready." "Hear what he said?" "Let's introduce Dave to some of the rest of us." "Girls, why don't you tell Dave what brought you here." "I'm sure he'd love to listen to what you guys have to say." "We always do." "Come on, Dave." "Join us." "Okay." "Okay." "Well, we're in the adult film industry." "And we're lovers." "One day, Gina was having sex with this Filipino guy Melo..." "...which was cool, it was in the script." "Sure." "And then I asked Melo back to the house with us which is cool, because, well, we like a little variety." "Variety's good." "So anyway, in the middle of our session I look up and I see Gina kissing Melo on the mouth which is not cool because it violates our threesome code of ethics." "Stacy bit my toe off." "Then Melo freaks out..." "...and calls me a crazy skank." "Nobody talks to my bitch that way." "So I stapled his lips shut." "Here we are." "Well, we've all been there." "I like him." "Yeah, he's funny." "Not as funny as you." "I like that." "All right, girls." "Let it go." "Let it go a little bit longer." "Walk it off." "Nate." "Didn't we decide that you shouldn't listen to the ball game?" "Don't worry, Dr. B, it's just a regular season game." "Not important." "He missed the lay-up!" "See?" "Iverson just missed a lay-up at the buzzer, Sixers lose." "Who gives a crap, huh?" "I mean, it's just a silly game, anyways." "The anger sharks are swimming in my head." "You gotta dunk that shit!" "You gotta dunk that shit!" "Listen to me." "Stay with me, Nate." "Now, repeat after me, Nate:" "Goosfraba." "Goos blah blah." "Not "blah blah," Nate." "Goosfraba." "Goosfraba." "That's good." "Slower." "Goosfraba." "How do you feel?" "Better." "Good job, Nate." "That sound is a derivation of an old Eskimo word that mothers used to calm their children." "I see." "Eskimos seem nice." "They do." "I think Eskimos are smug." "Hold that thought, Chuck." "So, Dave tell us about yourself." "Who are you?" "Well, I am an executive assistant at a major pet products company." "I don't want you to tell us what you do." "I want you to tell us who you are." "All right." "I'm a pretty good guy." "I like playing tennis on occasion...." "Also, not your hobbies, Dave, just simple:" "Tell us who you are." "I just...." "Maybe you could give me an example of what a good answer would be." "What did you say?" "You want Lou to tell you who you are?" "No, I just...." "I'm a nice, easygoing man." "I might be a little bit indecisive at times." "Dave, you're describing your personality." "I want to know..." "...who you are." "What the hell do you want me to say?" "I mean, I'm sorry." "I just...." "I want to answer your question." "I'm just not doing it right, I guess." "I think we're getting a picture, Dave." "Let's move on." "Dr." "Rydell, I'd like to know something." "Why is it that Chuck thinks he can smoke?" "I do whatever I want when I want, you little Spanish fruit topping." "Honey, at least I didn't make my aunt pregnant." "What are you laughing at, Dave?" "Just laughing." "I don't know." "I'm not laughing at you." "Were you laughing with me?" "Because I'm not laughing." "Am I out of line, or is this guy pushing me?" "Well, how do you feel, Chuck?" "I went from happy to angry, skipped sad." "Now I feel like kicking his ass." "Then we'll see who's laughing." "What?" "Think you're better than me because you've got both your nuts?" "All right, man." "All right." "Come on." "Come on, big boy." "Pretty boy." "All right." "Is it worth going back to the penitentiary, Chuck?" "So he's laughing at you." "I'm not laughing at him." "Goosfraba." "Goosfraba." "Okay." "Good job, Chuck." "That was really good." "Where's the coffee cake?" "I was looking forward to it." "Where's the coffee cake?" "I was looking forward to it." "I haven't been to the Actors Studio in quite some time." "I'm sure your audition will go well." "Thanks." "I hope so." "Good night." "All right." "Thanks, Buddy." "Bye-bye." "That was a little bit insane." "If I had to do 20 hours of that, I'd end up killing myself." "Here you go." "Twenty hours in my class would be pointless for you." "I agree." "I think I'm going to recommend to the court that we double your time." "What do you mean?" "Let me explain something." "There are two kinds of angry people:" "explosive and implosive." "Explosive is the kind of individual that you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons." "Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet, day after day and finally shoots everyone in the store." "You're the cashier." "No." "I'm the guy hiding in the frozen food section dialing 911, I swear." "I'm going to assign you an anger ally to help calm you down when you're losing it." "Chuck." "Not Chuck." "Give me Bobby Knight, or the porno girls." "Heard we're partnering up, huh?" "Yes." "Here's my number." "Great. "You're going to die, bitch."" "Oops, that's a letter I'm writing to Geraldo Rivera." "I see." "My bad." "Here." "That's the number." "Good." "Thank you." "Dave and Chuck working together as a team." "It's a win-win situation." "Yeah, feels it." "Dave's particulars." "I'll see you soon." "The Yanks are great this season." "Dave thinks they could beat Seattle's win record." "Remember at Brown when we saw Ron Guidry win his 20th?" "Oh, man." "He was on fire that year." "We could've been too." "Andrew, don't start or I can't hang out with you anymore." "Sorry, it's just hard." "I'll never meet anyone as good as you." "You will." "She'll be a very lucky lady." "Thanks for being my best friend." "Linda." "Hey, Dave." "Andrew." "Good to see you guys hugging." "How was the doctor?" "Psychotic." "Well, did you get any good promotion news from Mr. Head?" "I wasn't able to talk to him about that yet, but I will." "Not that crowded here." "You'd think it would be packed." "I rented the place." "I figured it'd be more fun if it was just Brown alumni." "Where'd you go to college again?" "Trenton Community College." "You had a hard day." "Let me buy you a milk shake." "Later, Andrew." "once you cast your line in, so during retrieval it'll help you to create a realistic and a erratic...." "Hey, Dave." "Hey." "Andrew, what's up?" "Not much." "You always try to simulate live bait." "Okay, they got fishing while you go to the bathroom." "That's nice." "Yep." "Bass fishing." "Hey, he caught one." "Be aware of your presentation and make sure that, as you work it along...." "Oh, yeah." "Congratulations." "Now that is a big one, folks." "Always a blast being with your friends." "It was a great night." "Yankees winning, beer and hot dogs." "Yeah, you like those foot-Iong hot dogs, don't you?" "So I saw your boy Andrew at the urinal." "Saw his..." "...thing." "You were looking?" "Yeah, unfortunately." "So, now, did this guy grow up near a nuclear power plant or something?" "What are you talking about?" "Never really seen nothing like that before." "Didn't it used to scare you?" "I never saw it." "You never saw it?" "No, I told you, I never slept with him." "Why, is it huge?" "No." "No." "No." "No." "It's actually quite petite." "I felt bad for him." "It looked like it belonged on a baby and it had a funny color." "I bet he got a lot of snickers in the locker room." "Like, "What the hell's that thing?"" "When you're in a locker room, you must feel good about yourself." "I do." "If there are 20 naked guys in there, I'm usually in the top 18." "Which isn't bad." "You're doing really good." "Thanks." "Who's that?" "I don't know." "Let me get rid of them." "Hello?" "Dave, it's me, Chuck." "Who's Chuck?" "Your anger ally." "I'm in a mood, Dave." "A bad mood." "A very bad mood." "I was fired from my ice-cream truck job today." "No more Fudgeicles." "What's an anger ally?" "Who's that?" "She making fun of me?" "No." "That's my girlfriend." "You tell her to put a sock in it because I need to talk to you right now!" "We're a little busy right now." "You're busy?" "We're all busy, okay?" "You come down here before a black wolf swallows my brain!" "After I got kicked out of the Army, I went through a real bad time:" "Hookers, booze, shooting holes in the ceiling, screaming myself to sleep." "Finally, my parents said I had to move out." "I'm guessing that's when you decided to shack up with your aunt." "Don't get cute, wiseass!" "But, yes." "What's with the watch, huh?" "Am I boring you?" "We ordered the drinks 15 minutes ago and I kind of gotta get back." "Miss?" "Excuse me, miss?" "Is this Slow And Stupid Waitress Day?" "I'm sorry." "I be right with you." "Damn, man, reminds me of these chicks back in the war." "Would give you the old licky-licky, then fry your banana." "Settle." "I have seen some shit, man." "I kid you not, I have seen some shit." "Wake up to the sound of kids screaming." "Explosions everywhere." "Never know when your number's up." "Vietnam, huh?" "Grenada, man." "Grenada?" "Wasn't that like 12 hours long?" "Did you see that?" "See what?" "That guy." "He just gave me a look." "He didn't give you a look." "And I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter some kind of anti-Semitic remark." "Are you Jewish?" "I could be." "But, no." "Half Irish, half Italian, half Mexican." "Let's go give those guys some tsuris." "Well, the guy on the left is blind, Chuck." "I hear you." "He's yours." "No." "That's not what I was saying." "Hey." "What the hell?" "Got something against guys with hair?" "What's going on?" "Don't!" "Stop it!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Goosfraba!" "You piece of shit!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Welcome back, Mr. Buznik." "I see you've managed to brutalize a cocktail waitress this time." "I guess beating up stewardesses can get old after a while." "Flight attendant, Your Honor." "I didn't hit her on purpose, Your Honor." "I was being attacked by someone and while I was trying to take away his...." "His...." "Trying to take away my cane, Your Honor." "You cracked a waitress in the face while attempting to steal a blind man's cane?" "Your Honor, we're not even sure how blind this man really is." "Okay." "My bad." "Moving on." "Happy now, ass-wipe?" "Mr. Buznik, I don't know why you hate women." "Maybe you don't know either but I'll let you think about it while you spend one year in a state prison." "Isn't that a bit harsh, Your Honor?" "No!" "Okay." "May I approach, Your Honor?" "By all means, Dr. Rydell." "Thank you." "It's been a while." "Yes, it has." "You look marvelous, Brenda." "Thank you." "And how are the boys?" "Fantastic." "James made the basketball team, Raheem landed the lead in Fiddler on the Roof." "Raheem will make a breathtaking Tevye, I'm sure." "So do you have a take on this Buznik guy?" "Is this good or bad?" "Well, it's bad that he's talking to her but it's good that...." "No, it's bad." "It's all bad." "You think you can help him?" "I think so, Your Honor." "If I can't, I'll tear him apart with my bare hands." "Mr. Buznik because of the enormous respect I have for Dr. Rydell I'm placing you in his intensive anger management program for 30 days." "But if you fail to strictly adhere to the rules of his program you will spend the next year in state prison." "Buddy?" "Good evening." "Ready to get it on?" "Get what on?" "What are you doing here?" "Well, well, well." "The lair of the rage rhino." "I smell the effluvium of pain and frustration." "Where should we put my stuff?" "What stuff?" "We've got 30 days to control your anger." "My approach dictates intense observation." "What better vantage point than bunkmates?" "Put that there, Dan, thank you very much." "No." "No." "I'm sorry." "Guys, I don't think you should be moving in with me." "Sit down, Dave." "Let's be perfectly clear about this." "You've been deemed a threat to society." "I believe that radical, round-the-clock therapy is the only way to effect a meaningful and positive change in your behavior." "Now we can do it here or Rikers Island." "Anything else, Dr. B?" "No thanks, Dan." "We'll install the wiretaps tomorrow." "Wiretaps?" "Is this your CD collection?" "Yes." "Oh, my." "What are you doing?" "I don't want you listening to any angry music." "The Carpenters are angry?" "I mean...." "Don't be naive, Dave." ""Close to You." "We've Only Just Begun."" "Songs of madness and obsession." "Who's going to pay for that?" "Retard your anger level a few notches and listen to me." "Can you do that?" "Yeah." "It's retarded." "I'm retarded." "Good." "Now then, we need to go over some ground rules." "My girlfriend got me that." "You're to refrain from violent acts including verbal assault and vulgar hand gestures." "You may not use rage-enhancing substances such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, crack cocaine Slippy-Flippies, Jelly Stingers, Trick Sticks Bing Bangs or Flying Willards." "How about Fiddle Faddles?" "Under my supervision." "Also, if you are unable to stop masturbating please do so without the use of any pornographic images depicting quote-unquote "angry sex."" "That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much fun we can have." "Jeez, without Slippy-Flippies or angry masturbating?" "How is that possible?" "Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin." "From now on, unacceptable." "Dave, I got this for you." "It's a wonderfully therapeutic tool." "Record your thoughts on this whenever you feel angry." "I'm feeling very angry right now because I only have one bed and no couch." "Not a problem." "In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three or four men to share a bed." "Yeah, well, that's why I'm proud to be an American." "By the way...." "I like to sleep in the nude." "You hear that frog?" "Nope." "What do you want?" "I'm just recording your demeanor upon awakening." "Good to see you got your underwear back on." "6:30?" "I don't gotta be up till 7." "You've got to make my breakfast." "Dave, cooking is very relaxing and therapeutic." "I want two eggs, over easy and unfertilized wheat toast, dry, and please tell me you've got ketchup." "There's a Denny's down the street." "Not only do they have ketchup but they got the angriest waitresses I've seen." "You could have a blast with the goosfraba thing down there." "Lame-o." "Your eggs." "Holy shit!" "I said over easy!" "Now, why did I do that?" "Because I refused to spoon with you last night?" "The angry man opens his mouth and shuts his eyes." "Alpha-Bits." "No matter how old I get, always a culinary delight." "No explanation for the egg throwing." "He's a psycho." "Don't sulk, Dave." "Eat." "Sit down." "We'll be off to work in a jiffy." ""We'll be off to work." Now, by "we'Il," I assume you mean just me, right?" "Well, I have to join you at work." "Full contact." "That will make me look nuts, Buddy, bringing a shrink to work you whipping eggs at people." "I don't know." "You must never be ashamed that you sought help for yourself, Dave." "It's not a weakness." "I mean, I gotta be there by 9:00." "I don't think we'll make it on time." "You're not even dressed." "The Talmud says:" ""Wherever you look there's something to be seen."" "Look, Dave." "What exactly was that all about?" "What?" "You just ran through a red light." "Are you trying to get us both killed?" "I'm a little flustered right now." "I have to be to work in eight minutes." "Flustered?" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa, man!" "Holy shit!" "What are you doing?" "I need you to unfluster." "My boss is going to go nuts on me if we're late, so please?" "We will proceed when you are centered." "I'm centered, I'm centered." "There's 10,000 people behind us." "Let's go, crazy man." "What is that?" "Is that good?" "We're going to sing a song." "No." "I don't want to sing a song." "I want to go to...." "I've gotta go." "Here we go." "The magic of Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim's West Side Story." ""I Feel Pretty."" "Get this moving." "What the hell's your problem?" "Shut your pie-hole!" "We're working here!" "Wow." "Sorry." "Move your ass, dipshit!" "Burn in hell!" "Yes!" "You feel stunning." "And entrancing." "You're late." "Yes." "There was a little bit of a tie up on the bridge." "I didn't ask for a traffic report." "You're always late." "Now is the first time I've been late." "But you're right." "I'm sorry." "May I interject?" "You were about to say something else before you said, "I'm sorry."" "We mustn't absorb and repress." "Who's this?" "I'm his anger management therapist." "You're in anger management?" "Temporarily, yeah." "Do you remember the flight to St. Louis that I was on when they had to turn the plane around?" "Yeah, yeah." "Because of that unruly passenger in coach." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "He doesn't like people touching his clubs." "Well, that unruly passenger was me." "I got arrested at Kennedy." "That's why I didn't make the next flight." "You said your apartment caught fire." "Dissembling is a common tool of the anger junkie." "Might I have your first name, Mr. Head?" "And tell me it isn't Dick." "It's Frank." "Fran." "Isn't that normally a girl's name?" "What went on on that flight?" "To be honest with you, it was a mix-up." "I...." "Jibber jabber." "Jibber jabbering." "Mumbo jumbo." "Denial." "Key, key, key, key, key, key." "Fran, your assistant beat the bejesus out of a flight attendant." "I didn't." "You broke her nose." "I broke the cocktail waitress's nose." "I mean, I accidentally did that." "Dave, you have a disease." "Would you apologize if you were a diabetic?" "Of course not." "Why do you feel you have to apologize because you're suffering from T.A.S.?" "T.A.S.?" "Toxic Anger Syndrome." "I don't have T.A.S." "He's angry." "It's a sickness, not a crime, Fran." "His name is Frank!" "No." "I'm sorry." "Clothes for cats isn't really a new idea but there was never really a line made for overweight cats who might feel a little self-conscious about how they look in certain outfits." "That's why I got the baggy sweater on him, to cover up his gut." "And the beret to take attention off his plump head." "Oh, little Meatball." "You tie this up tight and away goes the chin." "I'm so handsome." "Hey, Dave." "This is your office?" "Andrew." "What are you doing here?" "I played golf with Frank." "He's friends with my dad." "We're members of the same country club." "Really?" "I've been wanting to play golf with him a long time." "Is it awesome there?" "It's nice." "So, anyway, Dave, how's anger management going?" "Who told you about that?" "Linda's my best friend." "There's no secrets between us." "For the love of Mike!" "This guy's your girl's best friend?" "No." "I mean, I like to consider myself her best friend but Andrew is her best friend friend, if that makes any sense." "You ought to golf yourself." "You look a little stressed out." "I gotta go." "Bye." "Well, well, well." "This guy's got quite a basket on him." "Really?" "I didn't notice that." "Do you really want the love of your life hanging around with a guy who looks as though he could satisfy a blue whale?" "Well, it's...." "I'm doing okay myself, pal." "Maybe it's the way his pants fit him." "What's up?" "This is your young lady?" "That's my Linda." "My, oh, my." "I was toying with the notion that you were gay because of the kitty-cat clothes, so forth." "What does she do?" "She teaches poetry." "Poetry teacher." "I love poetry." "Oh, my, my, my." "It's...." "Yes, it's a good picture of her." "Well, apparently Dr. Rydell has a history of unorthodox techniques." "He's got a dozen lawsuits pending." "So it's not just me." "This guy is nuts, isn't he?" "Or a genius." "But if you could prove that he's nuts:" "audiotape, video, picture, whatever I'll arrange a hearing." "I gotta go." "I think he's coming." "Hi, Nancy." "What are you doing in the ladies' room?" "Sorry." "I just heard you guys got cleaner seats than us." "Not after I get through with them." "I don't care for the way you've ironed my shirts, Dave." "Try it again." "I've been very patient with you." "Beware the fury of the patient man." "I'm serious!" "Too serious." "Get undressed." "What did you say?" "Take off your clothes." "I've got a stress-reduction technique to show you." "It'll be good for you." "Take off my clothes?" "Do you want to see me naked, Buddy?" "Are you a homophobe, Dave?" "No, I'm a pulling-my-penis-out- in-front-of-you-a-phobe." "Let's take a walk on the wild side." "What's up, baby?" "Why are we here?" "I'm not a homophobe." "My lawyer's gay." "His boyfriend is gay." "And are they all aware that you despise them?" "Looking for company, baby?" "No." "We're not." "Thank you." "It's worth 50 bucks if you get in the back seat with my friend here and have a little chat." "My pleasure, Mr. Eyebrows." "Oh, boy, here we go." "Hello." "Hey." "Good to see you." "What's your name, baby?" "Melvin." "His name is David." "Don't dissemble." "I'm not dissembling." "That's my Hebrew name." "I'm Galaxia." "That's my German name." "Great." "Where are you from originally, Hebrew Melvin?" "Brooklyn." "What part of Germany do you hail from?" "I'm from a little Bavarian village called Lickin Zee Dickin." "Care to visit?" "Actually, I like to spend most of my time in Girls Without Wieners-ville." "I'm more comfortable there." "He's just not used to male intimacy." "Well, that's okay, because I'm a lady." "Oops, no, I'm not." "Whoa!" "There it is." "I feel like dancing." "Dancing." "Oh, my God." "What does this have to do with anger management?" "Oh, are you an angry boy?" "No." "Do you need some discipline?" "No, thank you very" "Oh!" "Hey!" "Hey, watch that shit!" "Listen, ladies!" "Gentleman!" "Lentleman!" "I'm not having sex with a she-male!" "Relax!" "Galaxia, you may get out of the car now." "Your services are no longer required." "You know what?" "You guys are freaks." "Give me the tape recorder." "Come on." "Patient number 135, David Buznik has learned the difference between unhealthy anger and righteous anger." "Thus he has advanced to the second level of my program." "Great." "Can I go throw up now?" "I'm a lady." "Oops, no, I'm not." "Whoa, there it is." "I feel like dancing." "Wasn't that sick?" "She looked like Olivia Newton-John if she was really ugly and had huge balls." "But Buddy didn't order you to have sex." "I'm getting a call." "Please hang on." "Hello?" "Is Buddy there?" "No, he's in the shower right now." "This is Becky, his assistant." "Just tell him his mom called from Boston." "She said she's having some minor surgery." "It's not serious, but she'll be at Boston County Hospital for the next two days." "Miracles of modern science." "I am stimulating my hair follicles and brushing my teeth at the same time." "It looks really good." "What's the matter?" "Your mom." "They took her to the hospital, Buddy." "What's wrong with my mother?" "She's having surgery." "I'm sorry." "Is it serious?" "When is surgery not serious?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "You're right." "Maybe I better get up to Boston see what's going on up there." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Why don't you just go up there." "Spend some quality time." "I'll stay here." "It'll be good for you guys." "Oh, God." "You're all I got, Mom." "Please don't leave me." "No more clam chowder." "Buddy it was a joke." "I'm sorry." "You don't have to cry anymore." "A joke?" "Yeah." "Oh, boy." "A joke." "A jo" " I...." "I can't believe that I fell for that one." "I really thought my mother was having surgery." "I'm going to get you back for that one." "Just so you know, she really is having surgery." "I thought you said you were joking." "No, the serious part was the joke." "She's having surgery, but just minor surgery." "Maybe I better get up to Boston see what's really going on up there." "Why don't you--?" "You just shoot up there." "I'll be here." "What?" "I can't believe he's making me go." "How come you guys aren't flying?" "Because Dr. Cocoa Puff said legally I'm not allowed to get on a plane." "Meanwhile, I've got Head up my ass about that catalog." "I've got to get it done with nut-boy in Boston." "Why can't Head write his own catalog?" "Because I've got to earn that promotion." "You've been doing his job for years." "You should be his" "I'm sorry." "I know this is really stressing you out." "I'm sure that it's going to be over before you know it." "Yeah, if I don't get caught popping any Jelly Stingers." "Well, that's going to be tough!" "Oh, God." "There he is." "That's him?" "Yes." "What?" "Oh." "Okay, I'll hold that." "My" "The quiet warmth" "Smoldering beneath the rituals Of hope for familiarity" "A coursing underground river" "Pregnant with the chance currents Of knowledge and love" "What?" "That's my poem!" "I wrote that." "I know." "That is your poem." "I love that poem." "I found it crumpled up behind the sports pages on the floor of David's bedroom." "Shades of early Emily Dickinson." "Who was great on Police Woman." "Thank you." "And thank you for rescuing it from the floor." "I think I better get going." "I'll miss you, big guy, so take good care." "How about a kiss?" "I'd love a kiss." "I think she's talking to me." "I think I can handle it." "So why don't you back up an inch or two." "Got it." "Thank you." "And, take care." "Have a great trip, you guys." "Oh, we will." "Bye." "What?" "Some mindless nitwit is parked behind me." "Good." "Then we can't go." "No, I can get out." "Get in." "I don't know how you'll get out." "Try to wiggle out, you're going to get a ding." "But you know everything." "What's he doing?" "Well, you're batting a thousand in craziness." "Now we're bumping into cars." "I'm just making a little room to back up." "If I had lost my temper would I have had the presence of mind to leave my card and my insurance information?" "Whatever, Mr. Insane-Vein-Popping- A-Little-Too-Far-Out-Of-His-Head- While-Swinging-The-Bat Guy." "I think you've got room to back up." "Why haven't you taken Linda off the market?" "Think you can do better?" "I'm going to ask her to marry me when I'm ready." "Nobody wants to settle down with a 35-year-old secretary." "Procrastination, Dave." "I'm not procrastinating." "I even think about how I'm going to pop the question." "Husky down jacket." "Husky Eskimo look." "What's your plan, ask her at a Yankee game?" "Actually, yes." "How did you know?" "I said the corniest thing I could think of." "If you knew Linda, you'd know how uncorny it would be to her." "Putting up a "Marry me, please" on the scoreboard proclaiming my love for her in front of thousands of strangers." "As you seem to have noticed, I'm a little bit jumpy with public affection." "You seemed to be lovey-dovey back there." "Glad you think that's funny." "I gotta work." "A five-hour trip to find out Mommy had a jelly bean removed from her nose." "I'm glad I missed work." "Can we eat now?"