"THE RUSSIANS ON CROW ISLAND" "Kreenholm Textile Factory three months before closure" "Jana, you have the right to know that there will be a legal process 10 expel you." "This is the document." "All these papers!" "God!" "I'm willing to pay." "All I want is the possibility to live here and have a residence permit" "This is a fine." "I agree to pay the fine if I can stay here" "For your entire life all that you can remember- you have lived in Estonia and never left it." "You were born in 1978." "You moved here as a baby and you can't even remember it." "Before Estonia was separated from Russia - we were parts of the same state" "Even before that you had lived your whole life in Estonia." "They must give you a residence permit." "I'm tired of this kind of life" "Wandering around like a homeless person." "That's how it goes." "I want to live like a normal person for the sake of my child." "After all, there's not much left." "You're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you" "Compared to me you're still a girl." "You could be my daughter." "Life is just beginning and you've got to change." "I was on the street like you when I was 48 but I changed" "God helped me and gave me everything." "I got an apartment" "It's not a fancy one but nice and cost anyway." "God gave me a good husband as a present." "I was able to start a new life and you will be able to do the same." "You've just got to want ii." "When I worked at Kreenholm my boss said that I worked like a miracle" "In those days at Kreenholm you could retire when you were 50." "The day after tomorrow I'll be 53 and nobody needs me." "Fortunately God still needs me." "But no one else does." "Jana's husband phoned and said - that they had received one more document by post" "There is a kind of deadline in February - but he didn't understand the rest of the text" "He said you should come and see if you can clarify the situation." "I don't give a damn about it!" "Calm down, Jana!" "I don't care what they do." "I'll go to the office." "Just let them deport me I can't take ii any more." "They won't let me live." "It will be on their and your conscience - if something happens to me" "Let the president of Russia see how you harass Russian citizens." "They don't let us live like normal people." "I don't want to live!" "I'll use drugs again and tum into a criminal." "Forget it." "Calm down." "Don't say such things." "God hears you and never leaves you." "It will be all right." "Not immediately but eventually." "I was 13 when I was raped" "They destroyed my life." "Five gypsies, bastards." "I was 13." "Later they offered one million rubles if I didn't sue them." "Our life with mum was poor." "Daddy didn't have any work." "Mum asked them if they were offering money in order to tear her daughter to pieces." "She told me we wouldn't get back my virginity anyway." "So we could take the money and live decently." "I said I didn't need their money." "I wanted them to be punished the way they deserved." "My honor was more important and that's ii." "Then daddy left." "He went to Russia in 1995" "Right after New Year's Day." "I was arrested and put in prison." "I went to Tallinn with a friend." "She was my school mate." "We went to have some fun" "We me a guy at the station" "He invited us 10 his place and we followed him." "My friend and the man agreed that I'd sit next to her so that she wouldn't be afraid." "I was 15 and my friend 16." "We went with him." "My friend started showing him her documents." "She had a school report from eighth grade in Narva." "The second one was a medical certificate stating that she was ill." "She had a virus infection." "He saw the certificate and turned her down." "He came closer to me." "I said I hadn't promised him anything." "I told my friend to hit him if he touched me." "And she started stabbing him with a knife." "We took his money." "And then we escaped." "Then they found us" "She had left her school report there." "It revealed that she had studied in school no. 4 in Narva." "So they found us." "The police promised her that she could walk free if she confessed." "She admitted everything but didn't get to walk away." "We were arrested and brought to Maardu Prison in Tallinn." "There we waited for the trial" "I was given one year." "Her mother paid a lawyer to defend her." "She got only two years for murder." "Then I moved into a residence hall." "I met my husband." "Yura Serov, 13 years older than me." "I gave birth to two kids." "He lived on my and my grandmother's expenses" "And on child benefits." "Then we moved to my grandmother's ?" "at." "She was taken to hospital." "We lacked money and the benefits were small." "I had only my son." "My daughter hadn't been born yet." "Then I left." "They offered me a job as a prostitute in Tallinn." "I asked my husband and he was not against it." "So I went to wont in Tallinn." "He sent me." "When I came back he met me at the station." "He almost danced knowing I'd bring him money." "Other girls in Tallinn wanted me to try it." "First I refused" "They all used drugs, needles." "Finally they convinced me." "I tried a couple of times." "Then I thought: 'No..." "For me it was better to leave than start doing drugs." "I came back and stopped working." "I never forgave my husband." "When he found out about the drugs - he started to blackmail me." "He was going to tell my granny about it" "If I didn't forgive him." "I didn't forgive him." "Once I went 10 my granny's place to give the kids a bath." "I left them there." "He wine there as well and said something to the granny." "He turned her against me." "He told her that I gave drug injections to my kids." "That was a big lie." "I was hysterical and wanted my children back." "I told her to fuck off" "That was nonsense!" "When I wine to the hospital to take them - they called the security officer." "They were kept there so that I wouldn't sell them or something." "When I went to the childcare center they said I could only see them" "Of course they didn't find any narcotics in their blood." "And it was all nonsense." "It was all a big lie." "Of course I'd like to find them" "At least look at them from a distance" "I don't know if it is permitted" "I'd like to know where they are and how they are" "I think no one will ever tell me." "Especially if they have been adopted by a family." "It's the same thing with this child." "They come and tell me 10 prove ii!" "I have the same picture in front of my eyes." "They don'!" "let me near my child." "I wonder if people are so stupid - that they don't understand how all this might end." "They won't do that with this kid" "If necessary I'll cut their throats" "I don't know..." "The New Testament." "Bar." "Bar with alcoholic beverages." "The town reserved this parcel for the Salvation Army to build their house." "How do you use it?" "You put it on with a rubber band." "Hold ii!" "Just a little bit more" "Be careful..." "Bring it down here." "Hold it, I'll get hold of the stairs" "That's it." "We did ii." "Booze was the only thought in my life." "I stole to be able 10 drink and have fun." "When I ran out of money, I stole again." "I was put in jail when I was 20" "There I observed the people around me, all criminals." "They got five or ten years" "Someone got twenty." "There was even one who got thirty." "I realized that without a radial change that would be my future" "I understood that I was an addict" "I didn't have the chance to drink that much there." "Sometimes I did drink even there." "I realized booze was my number one enemy." "My parents were alcoholics." "I have the curse in my genes" "All the members of my family are drunkards and drug abusers." "I decided not to accept that." "I understood I couldn't make it on my own." "If God exists, he will help me!" "I started to pray to the Lord." "'Jesus Christ, if you are there' " ""come and change my life because I can't make it alone."" "We are now arriving at the rehabilitation center" "I took par!" "in its construction" "I dedicated two or three years of my life entirely to it." "I came here, built - and worked physically and mentally doing all I could." "I spent all my time here." "At first we couldn't even buy wood for heating" "We picked up old treys and burned them to heat the rooms." "There was no bread." "We ate rusk and sauerkraut." "You took the punishment." "Instead of me." "You were resurrected." "Now you are my blessing and my salvation." "Thank you, Lord." "In the name of Jesus Christ." "Amen." "We can applaud." "Sit down." "Clearly this is not cotton." "Kreenholm Textile Factory two months before closure" "My life was worse before." "You can say I grew up on the street" "At night I wandered around" "I walked around and begged." "I grew up in a children's home." "I've been in the Johvi rehabilitation center" "A children's home in Narva-Joesuu and Narva." "I slept on the streets on benches." "The hardest thing was to stop snorting drugs" "It's bad that I've lived without parents from the beginning." "My mum died." "We were five brothers and they sent us to a family." "That's how I live." "Every day I drink tea and that's ii." "Tea and buns." "That's my food." "My computer and tea every day." "Every now and then I snort something." "My brother helps me sometimes." "He gives me money for food." "He wants to help me leave the drugs and the rest." "I can't make ii anyway." "My friends are friends only for money." "The few who still remain." "There are friends when there's money, otherwise not" "They don'!" "come see me." "My grandfather and grandmother are dead." "Three of my friends died." "Two of them were killed in a crash" "One hanged himself in prison." "Or they hanged him." "I've never had normal friends." "I'll be twenty on March 20th" "My father's birthday is March 15th." "We've never celebrated ii." "Sometimes in Johvi they laid a small table for me on my birthday." "It has never happened here." "I've got to go;" "ifs eleven past five." "If someone tells me that I am alone" "I ?" "y to convince him that I'm not, but it's a lie" "I can'!" "forge!" "the happy times and those words" "The world is changing, so are we;" "we give in but we say that we'll never be the ones led by Satan" "This is what I wrote." "There was a young man who got killed." "He had just come out of jail and was killed the same day in Kopli, Tallinn." "I wrote this for him." "I'm standing in front of your icon surrounded by silence" "Only fear and a silent groan are all around me" "I lived a long time leaning to your pureness" "I put a seed on your grave and ask you to fake it" "People say they understand but they are afraid of reality" "I still remember you looking for revenge in my soul" "I wait for the call and the moment someone will show me the way" "In my silent cabin I wait for someone to clear the mist" "On the other shore I see a nice little house" "I shout over the water:" "don't sink to the bottom!" "You opened my eyes and asked for only one (hing" "To find me a home with no room for vengeance" "This is all I want to read you." "Lei's have a cigarette." "Not only out of my home." " Out of the dormitory." "Out of my home, dormitory and Estonia." "They expel me from everywhere." "Russia doesn't want me;" "so where do they send me?" "What will you do?" "In general?" "Someone is helping you?" "Who?" " Who helps me?" "God?" "Tomorrow we'll go 10 church." "The service is today." " Today?" "When?" "At six o'clock." "We'll be there?" "I don't know." "We should" "Maybe it will help." "My love." "What do you mean?" " When do you propose?" "Who?" " Give me your hand and heart." "Where do I get them?" "You've got your hand and heart" "We me at the residence hall when I came in." "Tell them how it happened" " I don't want to." "We drank together." "I got drunk and went to him." "It's easier to confess when you are drunk." "Confess what?" "That I like you." "Jana will be expelled from Estonia." "Then they will expel her from Russia." "It's high time." "How about the trial?" "What was the sentence?" "Nothing special." "Divorce." " From your husband?" "So you are divorced?" " April 20th." "What about the kid?" " Ii was not decided." "What do you think about it?" " What is there to think about?" "What is there to think about..." "You will leave him." "He will not wander around with me." "You'll be on the street?" " Yes and I'll sleep in the dormitory." "You have caused this yourself" "I can't complain." "I'll go and have a beer;" "life goes on." "Life goes on, let's go." "Why did they switch off the light?" "There should always be a lamp." "Why did it all go this way?" "My mother gave me away when I was nine months old." "First she had to work and there was no one to look after me" "I was with my granny and then she forgot me" "She didn't come to see me and never gave any money." "My granny raised me the best way she could" "I tried drugs when I was 14 and then it all began." "I started to argue with my granny." "She is already 82 and I am now 21." "That's two completely different generations." "We didn't understand each other, just argued." "I broke plates and did all kinds of things." "I was charged with a crime when I was 15." "They tried to rape me and it was all self-defense." "The accusation was unfair." "I was put in jail, in an isolation cell." "I was there for a week after the operation." "I had a serious gynecological operation." "I slept on a cold ?" "oor for a week without any mattress" "Then they took me to hospital." "I was nervous and lost my head." "I started 10 out my veins and didn't want to live any more." "I was in court when I was 16." "For self-defense I got a three-year suspended sentence." "She stays close to me more than any humans." "Animals are more loyal and oommitted than anyone." "Then I moved in with a man." "He was older than me." "I was 16, and he was 34" "We wanted to get married but I couldn't because of my age." "We lived together for two years and then I broke up with him." "He was a heavy drinker." "He went crazy drinking and I fell apart." "He chased me with a gun and a knife and all that" "They put me on disability five years ago." "It's based on depressions and suicide attempts." "They've taken me three times to the intensive care unit" "Last time they barely resuscitated me" "I had swallowed two boxes of sleeping pills." "I was in a coma for three days" "I didn't want to live." "Now I do again." "I started to love the color yellow." "Yellow seems to be the color of the sun and life" "Earlier I didn't like yellow, just black." "Now I like light colours." "I want to live." "Granny will be 82 on March 13th" "I moved here and we don't argue that much." "We drink tea and eat something" "Everything is fine." "Recently she had a kidney operation." "I would like her lo live for a longtime." "I call her mother because she has raised me." "My mother and father are alive." "I have a brother but I haven't seen him for seven years." "Daddy used drugs; he's a bum." "The last time I saw him was in the autumn." "He sold his place in the line at the Russian border for 5 crowns" "People stand there in line in order to bring in cigarettes" "He's the first in the line and sells his place for some crowns." "That's how he makes money." "I don't know if he's now in Tallinn or in Narva" "He's a tramp." "It seems to me - that if I told you about the Grey days of a drug abuser you would find it very boring." "It's not interesting." "It's eternal pain." "You wake up in the morning and need drugs." "You need them every morning." "There are no friends." "Your parents don't give you money any more." "You can't get ii from anywhere" "There's nothing left to steal." "Complete apathy." "I can tell you " "I don't remember my last fifteen years." "I remember being in prison." "I don't hide my sin." "I used drugs in the prison, too." "Daddy has taken me to all kinds of places to have me cured." "After all, the illness is inside my head, you know." "It occurs to me now - what a person once said." "Now she's dead." "In this life we have reached everything" "That's what she said." "Of course she had in mind..." "What kind of future n a drug addict have?" "Nothing at all." "I feel sorry for my parents." "And my loved ones." "It sounds incredible but they still do hope." "They believe I will be fine." "I'll kill him." "Why is he mocking me?" "I asked him in the court to prepare the documents" "He should have sent me the invitation already." "And confirmed that I raise the child and live here" "I will apply for a pension." "I'm HIV-positive and he will get the money." "He wanted alimony." "They didn't even charge him the legal costs." "He has saved the alimony money." "What will you do next?" "I don't know." "I've injected drugs all these days." "Also yesterday?" "Only once." "In the morning when I woke up." "Injecting drugs is not a solution." "Especially when the court is against you." "Whom did you harm?" "Revenge will harm only you." "You understand, don't you?" "You harm yourself." "You are destroying all your possibilities." "There is a solution Have patience!" "You want everything at once." "When you fail you look for comfort in drugs." "Do you need them?" "It's all your fault." "But there is a solution." "You need patience;" "decide and wait." "Should I go to the dormitory?" "We'll find a solution." "Do you want 10 get rid of the drugs?" "Can you make it on your own?" "Thai comes first and then the rest of it" "There has to be a final and firm "No!"" "You need God and you have to go to church all the time." "Now you disappear and then come back again" "Of course your man doesn't need you." "And you don'!" "need him." "How old is the boy?" " He will be five." "Lei's get up and Pm)" "Jesus Christ, son of God and son of man." "We worship and praise you." "We thank you, Jesus for your sacrifice." "You sacrificed yourself for us." "So that we would have eternal life - and find today the Kingdom of God in our hearts as well as peace and blessing." "Thank you God, our righteous Savior." "Thank you, Jesus." "Your sacrifice has liberated us from all curses." "Your blood has been shed for our sins - and we can be all together in this world." "Thank you, Lord, for changing us through the Holy Spirit." "Thank you Lord - for saving everyone who say your name." "Dear Jesus, we invite you ever more and more into our church - 10 be with us in our service, in our families - in our lives and hearts." "Lord, bless Jana and help her." "I Pray you, Lord - to give her strength to come near you - and to keep her far from all kinds of sins." "Teach her 10 stay awake every moment." "Help her to defeat the Devil and all the temptations." "Help her to believe in you and never give up." "Bless her life and bless her son." "Lord, come into their lives and make them ?" "ourish - so that everything destroyed will be restored." "Kreenholm Textile Factory one month before closure" "I feel completely useless." "I disturb everybody and I don't know where to hide." "Like an abandoned cat." "Kicked out by everybody." "Where is the helping God'?" "Or should I live like before?" "As if nothing had happened." "Everything is fine and happy." "Life is beautiful." "If everything goes fine, - a friend of mine will give me a large amount of drugs - and I'll get an overdose." "Here's my brother." "And here?" " My father." "Hello, guy" "Edik Masyakin." "My father and brother." "I don't have anyone else." "Only my father and brother." "My dear brother." "Calm down." "OK, I'm alright." "Cry, Masyakin." " He cried enough." "Tears of a drunkard." "What do you mean?" " Just that." "Crying made me sober." "You're not sober." "Lei's go, dear." "Alright, let's go." "Maksim." "Daddy had no work, and we had to move." "The debts kepi growing and we had to sell the ?" "at" "We moved to a residence hall." "There we started a different life." "I was fifteen when we moved there." "My father lost all control over me." "I went to a trade school in Sillamae." "They had a residence hall and I lived there." "I studied one year and all went well." "Then we had a summer holiday." "As always, we wandered around and had fun." "We had parties and lost our heads" "I got pregnant." "I was 17." "I left home and didn't tell my father anything." "I was 17 and the guy was only 15." "I was not allowed to have an abortion." "I gave birth to my daughter Yulia" "Everything was alright." "Later my guy..." "How should I put it?" "He got into the wrong crowd" "He started to steal" "I was left alone with the kid" "My guy was arrested." "Many people helped me." "His granny helped him." "He has no mother." "Her granddaughter didn't matter to her." "After a year my guy got out" "He said he had learned his lesson and wouldn't repeat his mistakes." "After six months it started all over again." "Then they started to empty the residence hall." "We had to move to another one." "Then in Kreenholm we got a room and a kitchen." "Our second child was born there." "I didn't even know that I was pregnant" "I found it out six months later as my belly started to grow." "Our son died when he was six weeks old." "At that time my guy was already using drugs." "I had very hard times" "A lot of stress." "My guy suggested I should try them, too" "In order to get rid of the pain and the stress" "As a result we were kicked out and we had to rent a flat." "He was arrested again." "When he got out, it started all over again" "He injected drugs." "He was taken 10 hospital and he died." "What's most important" "The most important thing is my kid's life." "They even tried to deprive me of my parental rights." "Kreenholm Textile Factory one year after closure" "I lived, lived, drank, used drugs, stole." "And ended up in jail." "For the fourth time." "Then I met this dear woman." "In 2007." "I've loved her to this very day." "I love her very much." "I don't need anyone else but her." "Show what happened to your leg." "These are signs of drugs." "That's how my leg is." "Show all the bruises." "I love you." " I love you, too." "I forgot to talk about the most important thing" "She was not HIV-positive before." "She got ii from me." "That's how it went." "For love she was ready for everything." "I love him and he is the dearest person to me." "I'll love him to the end of my days" "I would give my life for him." "I never cheated on my husband." "Only with him." "Because I love him." "I'll love him to the end of my life" "You are dear to me." "I want you to have my girl child." " Really?" " Really." "Close the door, I'm cold." "It's closed but there's no latch" "With a key'?" " Stop it, chatterbox." " I want to pee." " Go then." "I can't go." " I'll give you some pants." "Mum..." "Put them on." " They are Tyoma's." "What's the difference?" "Tyoma or Petka." "Put them on" " You didn't close the door?" " No." "You robber... ls the washing machine on?" " Yes if you didn't turn it off." "Calm down." "Look at our telephone." " Is it Krisiiina?" "Mum, is it Kristiina?" " No, I can't see anyone." "Make yourself beautiful." "Alright." "Nobody wants 10 give me a telephone." "Will you give me a telephone when you grow up and go to work?" " Yes." "Kreenholm Manufacturing Company - was founded in 1857 on Crow Island, Narva." "With its 13000 workers it was one of the biggest textile factories in Europe." "It was closed in 2010."