"Apollinaris!" "Apollinaris!" "The warriors are returning!" "Your Majesty!" "Antiope looks fit." "These expeditions agree with her." "Your Majesty's sister is indeed a stately warrior." "Runs in the family, Buria, runs in the family." "Yes, Your Majesty." "Can't the royal blacksmith fix that helmet?" "Well it was all right yesterday, Your Majesty." "Well it's a washout now." "Our girls must have given those western women an awful beating to have taken those men away from them." "Company salut!" "Hey hey!" "Here come the Royal Broads!" "There's mama!" "Wave to mama!" "Wave, ducky!" "Get back there!" "You big bully!" " Hello, Hippolyta!" " Hey!" "How are you, old girl?" "Fine." "And you?" "Never better, sis." "Some water!" "Well, tell me what happened." "Did you do battle?" " A push-over!" " Those red-heads from the West?" "Yes, but they can't fight." "We chased them into the hills and took some of their men, just as a warning." "Oh, just as a warning?" "There were some pretty good-lookers there." "Were there?" "I didn't notice." "Oh, grow up, grow up!" "Oh water, water!" "Oh." "About these so-called Greeks, did you see any of them?" "Certainly not, and I don't believe there are any such people as Greeks." "Not that I wouldn't like to cross spears with them, I'd love it." "Pomposia still vows that there are Greeks and that they plan to attack us." "Aw, Pomposia's talking through her helmet." "She says in Greece the men do the fighting." "The men?" "That the women stay at home and cook and sew like our men." "Pomposia's cracked, I tell you." "You can take her to any insane asylum and borrow money on her." "The gods know we need it." "Well, me for a steam and a rub-down." "By Zeus, I'll join you." "Your Majesty, Pomposia awaits you in the Council Chamber." "Pomposia awaits me everywhere." "Well, if it's important tell her I'll see her in the bath." "Yes, Your Majesty." "Well, Pomposia, Antiope has scouted the entire country-side and she didn't see a single one of those people you call Greeks." "Your Majesty, our spy system is infallible." "You know I've never given you unwise counsel." "We should be prepared." "Oh all right." "Buria, order a review for tomorrow and I want at least five thousand in line." "I'm afraid we can give you only three thousand, Your Majesty." "Do you mean to say we haven't got five thousand trained women in Pontus?" "We have the women, Princess, but not the equipment." "Why don't you get the equipment from Pomposia?" "There isn't sufficient money in your treasury." "What?" "Is that filthy thing empty again?" "But, Your Majesty, we had to balance the budget." "You might tax your huntresses." "Everybody in Pontus is already taxed to the eyebrows." "I'll review three thousand warriors." "Yes, Your Majesty." "Well, Heroica, what's on your mind?" "I've come to discuss a matter of policy." "She objects to the presentation of my son at Court." "Well it does shatter all precedent." "Shatter?" "Why it blows it to Hades!" "We've no time for such social fol-de-rols." "But my son is an unusual young man." "He has ideas to progress our nation." "And I'm sure Your Majesty wants to be progressive." "Look here, Pomposia, you've been pretty insistent about this presentation." "What's the big idea?" "I was thinking that the son of some wealthy and prominent woman, such as myself, might be a worthy husband for Your Majesty." "What's a husband?" "A husband is a man you can't get rid of." "Ye gods!" "Other countries have a system called marriage whereby you contract to live exclusively with the man who is the father of your children." "Fantastic!" "Oh no, Pomposia, I'm afraid we'll have to call this presentation off." "It's too ridiculous." "As Your Majesty wishes." "I was only thinking that inasmuch as you asked for an extension of that loan..." "Oho!" "Well perhaps we should be more progressive." "Bring your son around tomorrow at..." "Two points past high sun." "Two past high." "A formal presentation with all the honors?" "Sure, we'll shoot the works." "Your Majesty!" "Anything else for today?" "The trial of two of your guards." "Oh, get them in there, I'll be right up." "Yes, Your Majesty." "Salivas, how would you like to be tied down to the fathers of some of your children?" "Me?" "Why I wouldn't even speak to the father of some of my children." "The idea!" "Well, this is a fine come-off!" "My own guards invading the sanctity of bachelors' boudoirs, pah!" "The bachelors, Your Majesty." "What have you got to say about it?" "Well, Your Majesty, we were drinking a little and I guess we stumbled into the wrong chamber." "Same old stuff!" "Tell us your side of it." "We were preparing to retire, Your Majesty..." "In fact, we were entirely disrobed and just about to get into our nighties." "Oh, I can't go on with this!" "Well, what did they do?" "Well, that other browny brute..." "Don't elaborate, stick to the question." "Well I was curling my beard, Your Majesty, and that beast came staggering in, yelling," ""Bring on the men, I'm a wolf and this is my night to howl."" "And I screamed, and the other one grabbed me roughly and crushed me to her bosom..." "And what did she say?" "She said, "Where have you been all my life, you cute little ram?"" "Cute little ram!" "Did you say that?" "Yes, Your Majesty." "To him?" "It was dark, Your Majesty." "It must have been." "Might I point out, Your Majesty, that these boys have reached the age of consent?" "Reached?" "They've over-reached it." "Sixty days for you two." "Thirty for bad behavior and thirty for bad judgment." "You may go now." "After this, keep a light burning in your boudoirs and you won't be molested." "Oh Diana, immortal goddess of war and protectress of Amazons, we thank thee for making women victorious in battle and dominant in life." "We thank thee for making women victorious in battle and dominant in life." "And we pay homage to the sacred girdle which thou hast bestowed upon us and by which we keep our power." "We pay homage to the sacred girdle which thou hast bestowed upon us and by which we keep our power." " Will you hurry!" " I'm ready, mother." "This presentation will go down in history." "Oh, stop fussing with me, father." "Yes, that's what I say!" "For the love of Zeus, why didn't you finish dressing him before he came to the palace?" "Do you want your son to go in there with his ankles showing?" "Hippolyta's mind is not on my ankles." "Sapiens!" "Her Majesty bids you enter." "Oh!" "Dear-dear-dear, his lily!" "Yes, my lily!" "Come-come-come, hurry!" "Your Majesty, I have the honor to present my son, Sapiens Pomposianus." "Well well well, this is a dainty dish!" "Well what else did Your Majesty expect, a barbarian?" "You little mugwump!" "Tell me, Pomposia, however did you give him this delicious... piquancy?" "Oh, it was my father who taught me all that I know." "So, you teach him the siren tricks, eh?" "Yes." "Come up here and sit down." "I'm sure we have many things in common." "Not too common, I hope." "When this is over I'd like to show you the tapestries... in my private office." "Oh Your Majesty, can't we be... just good friends?" "Amazon Blues just play those Amazon Blues" "Indigo hue, just play those Amazon Blues" "And just what kind of a man are you?" "Well, just what kind of a man do you want me to be?" "By the bow of Diana, if the rest of our young men can flirt like you do..." " Yes?" " we'll not want for population." "Oh Your Majesty, you're terrible!" "You know, I'm beginning to think that what you great brutes need is the refining influence of man's gentler ways." "So?" "And what do you think of this marriage system that your mother claims they have in other countries?" "Well I think it's high time that men had the protection of marriage." "You make me think so too." " Do I?" " Yes." "Her Majesty likes him." "You know, I think it's perfectly wicked the way you women lead men on and then when you're through with us cast us aside like old sandals." "Nobody will ever cast you aside like an old sandal." "Oh how can I tell?" "I haven't even been tried on... yet." "Lay on that lute and give that ram's-horn a toot" "Breaks on the flute, just make those Amazon Blues" "Amazona mama likes her music kind of hot and low-down..." "Ah, Antiope, this is Sapiens, son of Pomposia." "How are you?" "Every man in Pontus is simply mad to meet the princess Antiope." " No!" " Yes." "Oh say, are you using the royal box at the Coliseum tonight?" " Who's fighting?" " Battling Bertha and the Pontus Panther." "Why go?" "The decision's in the bag." "But to continue with this charming gentleman..." "To continue what with him?" "Pomposia suggests that we protect our men." "by that strange idea, called marriage." "Pomposia would." "So I've decided that you marry Sapiens here to try it." " Try it yourself, you brought it in." " Antiope, I'm serious." " So am I. Goodby, Sappy." " Fresh!" "Your Majesty, sentries have just captured these two strange beings." "What are they?" "We don't know, Your Majesty." "They refuse to talk." "Who are you women?" "Excuse me, Your Majesty, they're not women, they're men." "Men?" "How do you know they're men?" "We searched them." "Am I addressing Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons?" "You are, and be sure it's respectfully." "Then I protest against the manner in which your sentries set upon two innocent strangers." "You protest?" "Who are you, what are your names?" "I am called Theseus, Your Majesty." "And I am Homer, the poet." "Surely Your Majesty must know it." "My epics, my Iliad, my Odyssey." "I understand." "From whence do you hail?" "From the land called Greece." "I told you so." "They're spies!" "What brings you here?" "Adventure, Your Majesty, and we have journeyed far to pay homage to a great and noble queen." "You are an unusual man, your poise is like that of a woman of the world." "By the gifts that Fortune hands me, she takes you for a pansy." "Who is this frail so shady?" "Ye gods, the bearded lady!" "So, you are adventurers!" "Oh, I wish I could rough it over the country and do effeminate things like you boys." "Oh look, showing your legs." "Hussy!" "Who is this creature, I abhor it." "Even the Greeks had no word for it." "Sapiens, you may withdraw." " But, Your Majesty..." " Scram." "Come father." "Spies... trying to be women!" "And now, ladies, gentlemen, we've heard strange tales about the Greeks." "Just what is your attitude toward the Amazons?" "One of admiration, Your Majesty..." "profound admiration." "Will your Majesty accept this trifling gift as a token of our great esteem?" "Why, your generosity gives me great pleasure." "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts." "Let me see your arm." "Hm, wounded!" "Sergeant, your first aid bandage." "Well, if Greek men are so brave, what must your women be?" "They must be nice to our men." "Naturally." "It's woman's duty to protect men." "Strange girl." "Who are you?" " Antiope, sister of Hippolyta." " A warrior too?" "Second in command of the Amazon army." "May I say that you are quite the loveliest warrior I've ever encountered?" "Not unless you want a spear run through you." "Then I shall merely think it." "I trust your wound is not too painful." " Very slight, Your Majesty." "It was indeed thoughtful of you to bring me this gift." "What can I do to repay you?" " Oh nothing, I assure you." " But I insist." "We want nothing in return for this simple little urn." "There must be something." "Then perhaps some little personal thing." " Name it." " Well, your girdle." " I told you so!" " Seize them!" " Wait!" "He may not know." " What have I said?" "Whether you know or not, this girdle was given our foremothers by Diana." "It contains our power and leaves our possession only when every Amazon has died defending it." "Well we wouldn't have thought of asking for it had we known." "Nevertheless we shall hold you as prisoners." "Your Majesty!" "Your Majesty!" "What is it, what's happened?" "An army, Your Majesty, an army has landed on our coast." " Where?" "When?" " Last night." " At least five thousand." " Five thousand?" " Men, Greek men." " Greeks!" "The prisoners!" "They've escaped." "After them!" "After them!" " Wait wait!" "Are we afraid of an army of mere men?" "No!" "Then why waste time over two of them?" "Let's make ready to take on their whole army!" "Aye!" "To your barracks, all of you!" "Double quick!" "Buria, mobilize my entire army for immediate marching orders." " Yes, Your Majesty." " Order my chariot and field equipment." "At last, someone to fight." "With five thousand women we'll pulverize them." "But, Your Majesty, you have only three thousand under arms." "But you have the equipment we need for the other two." "You could make us a loan or something." "Not a loan." "In this emergency it shall be a gift." "Good old Pompy!" "It has just occurred to me that if you made Sapiens your consort, the equipment would be my wedding gift." "So that's your price, is it?" "Don't do it, Hippolyta, we can beat them with three thousand." "If I risk my fortune, it is only just that my son share your throne." "It's a bargain!" "Hippolyta, you're not going to tie up with that little squirt!" "I've got to get that equipment and he goes with it." "Oh ye gods!" " How do I marry him?" " Well, as I understand it, you get a high official of some kind, and you swear and Sapiens swears." "Get the privy councillor." "Fetch your son and deliver your equipment to Buria." "At once, Your Majesty, at once!" "Heads up, you rookies!" "Fifth Company reporting!" "Third Company in line!" "Why wait for this idiotic marriage, let's seize the equipment and get going." "No, it's good politics." "What do I care if he thinks he's married to me?" "Mother, Mother!" "I haven't packed!" "What about my clothes?" "I'll send your clothes." "Oh dear me, this is terrible." "Mother, I never thought that I'd be a war-groom." "Get up here!" "Here's Sapiens, Your Majesty." "He can hardly wait." "Oh, Your Majesty, I can only say that in this great emergency if my arms can comfort you..." "Yeah?" "Well it's your mother's arms I'm after." "Did Your Majesty send for me?" "Quick, Heroica, I want you to marry me to this." " Want me to do what?" " I want you to marry me to him." " Is Your Majesty entirely sane?" " Obey orders and hurry up." "What!" "Haven't you started yet?" "Come on, give me some action." "But what'll I say?" "I've never seen anyone do a thing like this." "It's not in my scroll." "You tell her, Pomposia, it was your idea anyway." "I understand that the man and woman vow to always live together, and to love only one another." "Do you believe people keep vows like that?" " Of course they do!" " Oh get it settled, will you?" "Why don't you grab her, make love to her?" "Make love to her?" "I'd need a horse to catch her." "Have those broads stand on the left." " The Royal Broads, Your Majesty!" " Drop the Royal Broads behind!" "Right face!" "Forward march!" "Now what was it we were discussing?" "Oh yes." "Well, ask me something." " What will I say?" "Well who cares?" "Say anything but say it quick." "How do you do." " How do you do." "Do you, Hippolyta, swear to marry this man and accord him the same tenderness you would a flower?" "Certainly, certainly." "Do you, Sapiens Pomposianus, swear to love and obey this woman?" "Silly, of course I do!" " Well, how far have you gotten?" " It's finished." "Good!" "Now we'll get down to something important." "Oh goody goody goody!" "Antiope, order the army to start." " All right." "Darling, now I shall be with you always." "Yes, yes." "But I refuse to worry about that." "Well, goodbye." "What's your name?" " Sapiens." " Goodbye, Sap." " Goodbye?" " I'll look you up after the war." " Wait." " Wait!" "I'm going with you." " Oh no!" "Not a chance." " This stuff is too rough for you." " Well it's my duty as a husband." "I'll lay out your duties as a husband." "Goodbye." "I don't care what you say, I'm going with you!" " You are not!" " I am so!" " You are not!" " I am so!" " You are not!" " I am so!" " You are not!" " I am so!" " You are not!" " I am!" " You're not, I tell you." " I am!" "I'm going with you!" "Oh all right then, what the Hades!" "Company, halt!" "Ready, draw!" "Shoot!" "Ready..." "Draw..." "Shoot!" "Oh!" "The Greeks!" "Hippy, dear, did one of my arrows enter your headquarters?" "Give me that thing!" "Zeus almighty!" "Which side are you fighting on anyway?" " What's the matter, dear?" " Look at that!" " Oh!" " Oh I ought to..." "We've only been married two weeks and for two weeks you've been insulting me." "Wait until we've been married a year." "You don't have to give all your attention to that silly old map." "My whole campaign depends upon this map." " What about me?" " Oh, go play with your toys!" "Anyhow, we're not here on a honeymoon, we're here to fight the Greeks." "Fight the Greeks?" "You can't even find the Greeks." " I wish I were home with my father." " So do I." "Now now now now, come come, Sapiens..." "Come my dear." "You must be sensible." "I have a great deal on my mind." "And you mustn't expect my undivided attention." "Oh I don't, but I..." "I do think that you ought to share your thoughts and plans with your husband." "Surely you don't think that you could understand a complicated thing like war?" " I don't think it, I know it!" "You know men have just as good minds as women." "Yes dear, yes yes yes." "And now that I'm the first gentleman of the land," "I'm going to advocate that men do more things that women do." "Such as what?" "Well, for instance, I'm sick of wearing these clothes." "I want to dress like a warrior." "That's enough!" "The suggestion is positively immodest." "Well, Greek men show their legs." "The trouble is that you're old-fashioned." "I have an open mind." "Yes, it ought to be closed for repairs." " Pretty?" " My map!" " Your Majesty sent for me?" " What about the Greeks?" " Well, yesterday..." " Yesterday you couldn't find them." "But we found yesterday's campfires." "Now we're getting on." "We know today where they were yesterday!" "Unless you can contribute something useful, keep quiet!" "I still think it's absurd." "Any child ought to be able to capture one prisoner." " Why don't you try?" " I will." "Hippolyta!" "We've found them." "We've found the Greeks!" "Hurray!" "Are they attacking?" "No, but they're pitching their tents five parassangs away." "Oh you ought to see them." "They're not like our men, they're big like that fellow Theseus." "Your Majesty, a herald is here from the Greek Army." "Did you get that?" "They probably want to surrender." "Present arms!" "How are you?" "I am a Greek." "Well, if that's the way you feel about it..." "I come Hippolyta, from yonder host..." "That's Hippolyta." "Stick around, I'll be right back." "I come Hippolyta, from yonder host, and this I pledge is no idle boast... we are led by Hercules, giant son of Zeus." "Er, er..." "We only had two rehearsals." " I figured one." "Get going!" "Hercules, the strongest living man, with bulk so big and frightening." "Bathes himself in Vesuvius' lava and parts his hair with lightning." "What a man!" "What a man!" "Go ahead, get to the punch." "I come, Hippolyta, from yonder host." "That's the third time you've come from yonder host." "Will you keep quiet?" "It's tough enough for me to remember this speech without you butting in all the time." " Who wrote all that drivel?" "It was Homer's idea." "He's our press agent." " Terrible stuff." " I think it's a lot of tripe myself." "Did you come here with a message for me or to visit my sister?" "Well, if I can kill two stones with one bird, why..." "How am I doing?" " Proceed with the drivel." "I mean the message, the message!" " Where was I?" "Don't tell me." "Ah." "And so the great Hercules doth challenge you to single combat or your whole crew, and vows to Mars he'll bite the dust, or run you through with a mighty thrust." "Is that so?" "Well he'll bite the dust." " Where will he meet me?" " Between the two encampments." " Good!" " Just a minute." "I forgot the most important thing." "And Hercules sayeth if you might wear your girdle when you fight." " So it is the girdle they're after." " That seems to be the idea." "Doth Hercules think that Hipp's so flighty, she'd doff her girdle and fight in her nighty?" "Tell Homer I think his scheme is worse than this punk patter he calls verse." "And tell him I do a little rhyming myself." "A little rhyming?" "Say, you got it all over this guy Homer." "Thanks." "You know, it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing." "Would you care for a little snifter?" "Never been known to refuse one yet." " Sapiens!" " Ya-us." "Get some wine, quick!" "Buria," "I want to get a few drinks into this bird and get some information." "You order the entire army to draw up beside the field of battle." " You know, you're a pretty good actor." " Pretty good?" "I just finished forty weeks on the Coliseum circuit in Athens." "I had them rolling in the aisles." "Ah, a morning glory!" " Thank you." "You find them wherever you go!" "Well, here's to the Amazons and the Greeks!" "What a war!" "Tell me, do you know a friend of Homer's, called Theseus?" "Know him?" "Why I've been his orderly off and on ever since he was that high." " Oh, he started young." " He was born fighting." "Why, he was suckled on the blade of a sword." " No!" "Yes, and got nourishment out of it too." "A man with a will of iron and a heart of gold!" " A hero to his own orderly." " Right." "What more can I say?" " What more do you want to say?" " You know you're all right." " You're not so bad yourself." " So soon?" " Here's to you, Hippopotamus." "Tell me, just why does Hercules want my girdle?" "Well, I'll tell you." "You see, it's like this." "It seems this big lummox sloughed his wife and seven kids, so the gods are making him do twelve labors to pay for his sins." "Getting your girdle is one of them." "Oho, I see." "That's all." " How about a little refill?" " Help yourself." "Well, it's nice to have seen you." "You must come over and see us some time." "Oh will I tell Hercules you accept his challenge?" "Tell him I'll come at once, and you'd better hurry, or I'll catch him unprepared." " I'm practically there." "I'll be seeing you, Caliope!" "What a war!" "Trying to outsmart me, huh?" "Take the girdle back to Pontus and put it in the vault." "I'll wear yours." " Ah Hip, I want to see the fight." "But you're the only one I can trust with it." "Aw, Hades, you make me tired!" "There's no danger in fighting men." "If Antiope wants to go, why not leave the girdle with me?" "Huh!" "I'm not that silly." "They're up to some trickery." "Don't let that girdle out of your sight." "I'll watch it." " Hippy dear!" " Well, what now?" "Haven't you forgotten something?" "No!" "Good luck!" "Oh dear!" "My life is so empty." "Ah, Ah, you must understand." "Hippolyta's a warrior and very busy." "Yes, but I..." "I have a very affectionate nature and you see I..." "I'm a husband in name only." "Of course, it's... it's your affair, but if there's anything I can do..." "Oh Antiope!" "Oh, I mean to make her realize." "She probably forgets how beautiful and dainty you are." "I'm glad you think so anyway." "Antiope!" "What do you want?" " Sit by me." " I will not." "Oh, I thought so!" "You don't think that I'm at all attractive." "Say, what have you got on your mind?" "Must I tell?" "If you're trying to flirt with me, say so." "So." "Oh look, you're holding my hand!" "Suppose Hippolyta should hear of this." "Oh, you wouldn't tell, would you?" "Do you think I'd flirt with my sister's husband, or with any other man for that matter?" "Oh, go on, big girl, you may be haughty but you can be had." "Oh, kitchy kitchy kitchy kitchy." "Oh, now I know your weakness." "Now I know your weakness..." "Kitchy kitchy kitchy." "Now I know your weakness." "Hey!" "Sapiens, Sapiens!" "Ah, poor little boy!" "Hercules!" "Hercules!" "I'm coming." "Shhh!" "Why did you have to hit your head against that iron?" "Didn't you know it would ring?" " My head?" "Never mind, let it go." "I don't like the looks of all this, I think I'll go back." "You make me sick." "We figure out a way for you to get the girdle without fighting and you're still scared." "But how do you know this Hippolyta left the girdle behind?" "Aw, a lot you know about women." "Having been told to wear it, she's sure to have left it here." " But suppose they catch us with it." " Oh can't you understand?" "All their power is in that girdle." "Once we get it away from them, they lose their supremacy over men, they're just putty in our hands." "Now come on." "Oh you see, see, I told you." " So you are a Greek warrior?" " I am, fair Amazon." "And what sort of a side show is this?" "This is Hercules, the strongest man in the world." " What!" "That thing is Hercules?" " None other." "You've killed Hippolyta?" "No, goodness no." "I haven't even seen her, and I don't want to." "You see, Princess, he doesn't want to hurt her." "But I still have to have her girdle." "Could you tell me where I could find it?" "Oh, I'd be delighted." "And as for you, your herald has been here, and we now know that your request for the girdle was far from innocent." "Just a little plan to help Hercules." "Is it the Greek nature to accomplish things by trickery?" "Ask rather, fair Amazon, whether it is human nature." "Is it not nobler first to apply the brain?" "Now that your noble experiment has failed, have you decided to fight for the girdle?" "If there's no other way." "Well, since you're the biggest, I'll dispose of you first." " Help me, where'll I go?" " In there, go in there." " Where did he go?" " He's gone back." "What are you laughing at?" "Now let's see how fast you can run." "Come on and find out." " At least you're sporting." " Thank you." "Now I'll say you're the loveliest warrior I've ever encountered." " Shall we fight bare-handed?" " Must we fight at all?" "You're an enemy, one of us must conquer." "But you've already conquered me, completely." "That soft talk won't get you anywhere." "Do you intend to fight or don't you?" "Well, shall we continue here, or find a sunnier spot?" "Stop ridiculing me." "Stand guard!" "Zeus but you're beautiful!" "You silver-tonged charlatan!" " What manner of battle is this?" " Rather delightful, don't you think?" " What's the matter?" " I don't know." "Why, you're blushing." "I'm not!" "Only men blush." "A crimson melting into the color of your hair." "Why it's radiant!" " It's the flush of battle!" " May I have the next battle with you?" " Stop talking like that, Theseus!" " You remembered my name!" " Why shouldn't I?" "They tell me you're so incredibly brave that you're almost a tradition." "Something god-like and remote." "Do you find me remote?" "No, nor behaving like a god." "I don't believe it." "Antiope is not like that." "I tell you, I saw it with my own eyes." "She was carrying him into your tent." "That's Hippolyta." "You'd better go!" "Theseus!" "I release you." "Well that's very kind of you but I don't want to go." "Do you want me to go?" " No, but if they find you here..." "Then it's settled." "If you don't want me to leave, I shall certainly stay." " And be killed?" "That's stupid." " No." "For you, magnificent." "But I'd rather you wouldn't be so magnificent and go!" " Will you come with me?" " Desert my country?" "I'll give you my country." "You can have all of Greece." "I don't want your country, I want you to go." " Will you come?" " No." "Then I'll be magnificent, in very small pieces." "Oh please go." "They'll expect me to kill you and, and I couldn't." "Look, who comes there?" "Oh put me down, you demon!" "You demon, put me down!" "Those trumpets are worrying me." "Sure it isn't Hippolyta?" "Certainly not." "That goes on around here day and night." "They're the biggest bunch of horn-blowers you ever saw." "Sapiens!" "Just the garbage woman." "Now now I won't let anything hurt you." "You stay here, sonny." " Did you call me, dear?" " No, I did not call you dear." "Come out here." "How dare you have a woman in my tent?" " Is that a woman?" " You ought to know by now." " But it's got a big black beard!" " Don't insult my intelligence." " You've got Antiope in there." " Antiope?" "Do you know who's in there?" "Hercules." " Hercules!" "I promised I'd catch a prisoner for you, didn't I?" "You're lying!" "You think I'll be too frightened to look in there." "Oh, very well." "Guards!" "Close in!" "Come out here!" "Come out!" " Are you Hercules?" " Why yes, ma'am, do you mind?" "Put him in chains!" "Where's Antiope?" " Antiope?" "Oh, she's gone to Pontus." "Why do you ask?" "Because she was seen carrying you into my tent, that's why." "So that's what's on your mind." "Just because I worried about you until I fainted, and Antiope carried me into the tent." "And me, back here, braving the jaws of death to capture Hercules." "Oh!" "There there." "I'm sorry, Sapiens dear." "Now can I wear a soldier suit?" "Yes dear but no arrows!" " Hello Pokus, what cheer?" " No cheer." "All those beautiful Amazons out in that battle field and nobody giving orders to advance." "We want to make some advances." "You're telling me?" "What a war!" "You coward, you Greek coward!" "If I weren't a bare-handed prisoner I'd demolish the whole lot of you!" "Silence!" "Get out, all of you!" "You're not a prisoner, Antiope, you can leave any time you wish." "Are those tears in your eyes?" "Do you think a warrior likes to be carried into an enemy camp hind end first?" "It did lack dignity." "Laughed at by a lot of inferiors." "It's my fault for treating you like an equal." "I shouldn't have forgotten you were an enemy." " I'm not your enemy." " Well I'm yours." "Lovely enemy, please forgive me." "I don't trust you." "But you love me, and that's all that matters." "I don't love you." "Will you stay here long enough to convince me of that?" "Gladly, but no more mush." "We're fellow soldiers, remember that!" " Couldn't we forget that?" " No!" "All right, soldier." "Put that under your belt." " Um, that's more like it." " To the joy of combat!" " To arms!" " White arms!" " Strong arms!" "To peace and happiness between an Amazon and a Greek!" "To happiness!" " Now sit down." " Thanks, I'd rather stand." "Sit down!" " I know what I like about you." " What?" "You have no beard." "All our men have beards." " Well, we shave them off." " Shave?" "Yes, scrape the hairs off every morning with a knife." " But why?" " Why?" "I don't know, custom, I suppose." "I know." "So you can look like women." "You want to be warriors and look like us." "Any man would want to be as fine and brave as you are." "I brave?" "That's funny, when you're the only human being I've ever been afraid of." " Are you really afraid of me?" " Yes, a little, but I don't mind." "I'm glad you don't mind." "But it is nice to be fathered like this." "Fathered?" "Ye gods, young woman, you're not being fathered, you're being loved." " Am I?" " Does that convince you?" " Funny, isn't it?" " What's funny?" "In my country the women make love to the men, it seems strange." "To be made love to for a change?" "That's not fair, there isn't any change." "I've never made love or been loved." "I apologize, sweet love, it was insolent of me." "Aw, that's all right, you'd expect me to be like the rest, trained amongst a lot of rough women." "While I fought battles, sacked and raided enemy towns, when my warriors violated the men we took as prisoners, I never did." " Never?" " No." "They used to tease me about it at military school, but I'm not ashamed." "Excuse please." "Oh, I won't need you any more tonight, Pokus." "What a war!" "That's rich!" "Why have a court jester when you've got that Greek army to laugh at." "Our warriors are growing impatient, Your Majesty." "Do you expect to attack tonight?" "Why I wouldn't let Antiope miss the fun for worlds." "When she returns from Pontus then we'll let them have it, and in the meantime keep the troops lined up with plenty of spears showing." " Yes, Your Majesty." " What's happened to that?" " The royal blacksmith." " I'll have her decorated." " Oh Hippy dear." " Sap!" " Uhhuh." " What are you laughing at?" "You're the funniest looking egg I've ever seen." "Well you're no sunset yourself." "Where's my prisoner?" "Outside!" "Outside!" "I'll handle this cluck." "How would you like a good sock on the jaw." "Look!" "The girdle!" "Sapiens!" "Sapiens!" "Have you seen that... my husband?" "He went in that direction, Your Majesty." "Now, now watch your chance and..." "Then get your army together and take this girdle out of here before the old woman misses it." "Sure, sure." "Then men can come into their own around here." "Sapiens!" "Sneaking over here trying to get my wife's girdle." "Have you had enough?" "Sappy, behave yourself." "When I get mad I don't know my own strength." "Come on, you've played enough now." "It's time for you to go to bed." "Halt!" "That was very good." "She's lost her power." "That's for nothing..." "I guess it was a little too soon." " Happy?" " Strangely so." "We'll have the ceremony when we get to Athens." " Ceremony?" "What ceremony?" " Why, we'll be married." " I knew there was a catch in it." " Why, what's the matter?" "In one breath you tell me you love me, in the next you say you want to marry me." "What's wrong with wanting to marry you?" " That proves you don't love me." "What are you talking about?" "I've seen this marriage thing tried out." "Wasn't my sister trapped by that..." "that morning glory?" "Love me indeed!" " I do love you." " Then why do you want to marry me?" " For protection." " Oh you're afraid I'll desert you." "Ye gods." "Listen to me you wild Amazon, you're talking to Theseus, Theseus of Greece." "I'm not afraid of anything." "Do you understand that, nothing." "You don't think I'm afraid of anything do you?" " I know you're not." " Do you think my word is good?" " I know it is." " Is yours?" " On my honor." " Well then do you want me or don't you?" " Of course I want you." " For life?" " For life, Antiope." "May the gods give us happiness." "None of this waiting for the gods to give us happiness." "I'm a woman of action." "Great stuff, Herc." "Aw shucks, that wasn't nothing." "I just threw them right and left and took it." "Three cheers for Hercules!" "Hurray!" "Hurray!" " Your Excellency!" "Your Excellency!" " What is it?" "Hercules has been sighted entering the Greek line." " Hercules?" " He's got the girdle of Diana." "Forward!" "Look." "You can't go out there, you'll be killed." "I'm going to Hippolyta." "I won't let you go." "I've just found you." "I'm not going to lose you now." "Lose me?" "Don't be stupid!" "We'll run your Greek army off the face of the earth." "Let me go!" " To your death?" "Never!" " Must I fight you again, my love?" "You leave over my dead body, my sweet." " Stand by!" "Give me that sword!" "Theseus!" "Theseus, my love." "Oh don't die, don't die, Theseus, I love you." "I know it now." "I'll go with you, do whatever you say, only don't leave me!" " Hippolyta!" "Hippolyta!" " What's happened?" " We're defeated!" " Defeated?" "What are you talking about?" "Hercules has got the girdle of Diana." " The girdle!" "They must have captured Antiope." "We charged them but..." "They need a leader on that battle field!" "It's too late." "Our whole army's gone to pieces." "The Greeks are dragging our women into their tents right and left." " What!" " And the women like it." "How's that for an armistice?" "How's this for a legistice?" "What a war!" "What a war!" " How about you and me, girlie?" " How are you, boy?" "It will take many a month to undo this night's work." "That's not for you to worry about," "I'll have everything in Pontus running smoothly in a week." "You just leave it to papa." "Well, here's to papa!" "I'm afraid my wound is even deeper and more lasting than yours, Theseus." "Defeat!" "Oh, I can't believe it." "This is the end of the Amazons, we can never come back, never!" "It's not defeat, dear." "Pontus has simply joined civilization." "My poor sister!" "Oh, Hippolyta will be better off." "All Pontus will be better off when men take their rightful places." "You'll love it in Athens." "While your wound is healing I'll do your fighting for you..." "Theseus, I'm a good officer." " You're adorable." "You've never seen me swing into action at the head of a brigade, but you will." "A marble house on Cypress Hill." "And after you're well we'll fight side by side through life." "And name our first son Hippolytus." "I'm going to make a lot of changes around here." "And you, you'll stay home where a woman belongs." "Well if I stay home you'll stay home with me." "Oh, I doubt if I'll be home a single night." "Well, you'll stay home at least three nights a week." " I will not!" " Oh, yes, you will!" " Oh, no, I won't!" " Oh, yes, you will!" " I will not!" " You will so!" " I will not!" " You will too!" " I won't!" " Oh, yes, you will!" " Oh, no, I won't!" " You will so!"