"( theme song playing )" "Hope the guys do a good job." "They will." "You know, that's some of the best dynamite we ever got from London." "You're like a housewife worrying about a cake in the oven." "Well, I figure if you're going to blow a bridge, Colonel, you may as well..." "Hold it; car coming." "Stall as long as you can, Carter." "Right, Colonel." "Halt!" "Halt, bitte!" "Halt!" "Heil Hitler!" "Heil Hitler." "Pass, bitte." "Was ist los?" "Militarisch, uh, Pass Kontrollen." "Ich bin S.S. Hauptmann Steiner." "Heil Hitler, Herr Hauptmann." "Uh..." "Pass, bitte?" "Ja..." "Paris." "Sehr gut." "Pass, bitte?" "Uh, moment." "Moment." "Moment." "Abend, Herr Leutnant." "Abend, Herr Hauptmann." "Mein pass, ja?" "Ja." "Oh!" "What's the big idea?" "!" "What are you doing?" "!" "Englisch Soldaten?" "No!" "Not at all!" "Nein." "Deutsches Soldaten." "Both of us." "Marsch." "( speaking German )" "Halt!" "( speaking German )" "( car engine starting )" "( speaking German )" "They're gone." "Let's go." "Papa Bear calling Hopscotch, Papa Bear calling Hopscotch." "Scrub the picnic." "Repeat, scrub the picnic." "Okay." "Over and out." "How do you figure that?" "Easy." "You just blew World War II." "LeBEAU:" "You knew what the orders were!" "I heard the Colonel remind you!" "No English to be spoken." "The Kraut stepped on my toe." "It still hurts, for Pete's sakes." "Maybe he didn't hear Carter, sir." "No, I saw his face." "He heard him loud and clear." "Look, I'm sorry, but the pain was terrible!" "My mind went blank." "There's nothing in your head anyway." "Just an empty place where your marbles should be." "Colonel, he's insulting me!" "Right, and I'm next." "And I'm not finished insulting you." "All right, knock it off." "We got bigger problems." "Like what do we do if they come and get us?" "Not if-- when!" "It's just a matter of time." "Baker, get on the switchboard." "Monitor all of Klink's incoming calls in case they try to alert him." "Right." "You know, a couple of things just don't add up." "That captain acted like he didn't have papers." "He sure was stalling." "Once he had us covered, why didn't he arrest us?" "Well, the next time you see that Kraut, you can ask him." "I don't know who those guys are, or what they're doing." "Let's leave it that way." "Hey, look out!" "Sorry." "CARTER:" "Same three Krauts, no question about it." "Yeah, they traced us fast." "All right, get ready to move." "LeBeau, collect all of our maps and our code books." "Right, Colonel." "Carter, handle the photographic stuff, the cameras and darkroom equipment." "Yes, sir." "Have Newkirk take care of the Kraut uniforms and the guns." "Yes, sir." "Don't burn or bury anything." "Wait till I give you the word." "Just get it all together, huh?" "Yes, sir." "What are our chances, Colonel?" "Keep a fire going at all times." "Professor Bauer." "Professor Bauer." "A pleasure." "Dr. Riemann." "Dr. Riemann." "Kommandant." "And I am Captain Steiner." "Captain Steiner." "Heil Hitler." "( chuckles ):" "Just for the record." "Sit down, please, gentlemen." "Well, now, we don't have distinguished scientists visit Stalag 13 very often." "It's a great honor." "You know, I am very fond of science." "Oh, really?" "Oh, yes, yes." "It's, well..." "it's, uh... it's so scientific." "( chuckling )" "That's true." "Yes, now, you gentlemen said that you were on your way to Paris?" "Ja, we have a meeting there with a few of our colleagues." "The usual exchange of information." "I see." "Well, now, what can I do for you gentlemen, huh?" "Uh... uh, nothing, actually, Herr Kommandant." "This is really a social call." "Ja, we promised Hermann that we would drop by and say hello." "Hermann?" "Which Hermann?" "Goering." "Oh, that Hermann." "Well, there's so many of them these days." "He mentioned me?" "Hermann knows a lot more about you than you think," "Colonel Shrenk." "Uh, Klink." "Klink." "Yes, well, uh..." "I do have the feeling that the eyes of Berlin are on me." "Did the Reichmarschall tell you that we have had never had a successful escape from Stalag 13, eh?" "Ja, I believe he did mention something like that." "Ja, ja." "He also thought you might be able to put us up for a few days." "Marvelous idea." "We do have adequate quarters here, and an excellent chef." "Well, if you are sure we won't be in the way?" "Oh, any friends of Reichmarschall Goering are friends of mine." "Oh, excuse me." "Get me Sergeant Schultz." "Burn this." "That, that, that." "Save that list if you can." "( knock at door ) Right, Colonel." "Come in." "Colonel Hogan, Colonel Klink wants to see you in his quarters right away." "What about, Schultz?" "I know nothing, nothing!" "All right, tell him I'll be there in a minute." "My orders are to bring you with me." "He'll be right with you." "Don't push, cockroach!" "Don't push!" "Do we start running?" "May only be for questioning, but get your track shoes warmed up." "And if you don't come back, then what?" "Burn everything." "Contact London, tell them we need a plane to get everybody out of here... but don't do anything until you're sure." "The suspense is killing me." "It's not doing me a lot of good, either." "Gentlemen, to a successful visit." "( knocking )" "Come in." "Commandant, you sent for me?" "Yes, Hogan." "This is the senior P.O.W. officer, Colonel Hogan." "Captain Steiner," "Professor Bauer, Dr. Riemann." "Gentlemen." "Hogan, there's something" "I want to discuss with you." "Well..." "I suppose it had to happen." "Yes." "Now, these gentlemen are going to be here for a day or so, and I need your help." "My help?" "Yes." "I want LeBeau to prepare a special French meal for them." "Is that possible?" "Possible?" "I'll peel the onions myself." "Excellent." "Uh, Hogan you just said it had to happen." "What did you mean by that?" "Well, I meant, uh, it had to happen that you'd ask for LeBeau." "You anticipated my request?" "Are you sure you're feeling all right?" "I wasn't when I came in here, but I'm feeling a lot better now." "Well, gentlemen, please." "Uh, Captain, please." "Gentlemen, will you come in?" "Danke." "Well, if it isn't the strudel king." "Don't come to attention." "It's only an informal visit." "Well, gentlemen, this is a typical barracks." "Oh, very adequate." "( chuckles ):" "It has a very nice and, uh, home-like atmosphere." "It won first prize in the International Garbage Festival last year." "I intend to settle down here after the war." "We should be going, gentlemen." "There is a lot more to see." "Schultz, uh, don't forget to show them the delousing station." "It's elegant." "Sergeant, I think we'll stay here for a little while and talk to these men." "But..." "Thank you for your time." "Jawohl." "( sighs )" "You are most convincing in German uniform." "And an American uniform as well." "Oh, these are my work clothes." "And we must apologize for taking the wrong road last night." "Last night?" "What are they talking about?" "( speaksFrench )" "Could be an alcohol problem." "I think you're right." "They've been in Klink's wine." "You do very good work." "How's your foot today?" "Actually, it's much better." "Uh, thanks for asking." "Carter..." "I-I-I think you-you probably have me confused with another man, sir." "I-I wasn't even on that road." "I think we will have to take a chance on you, Hogan." "I'm listening." "Professor Bauer and Dr. Riemann have been working at Peenemunde." "Does the name mean anything to you?" "I've heard rumors." "Something about, uh, rockets." "Yeah, and research." "Atomic research." "Boy, you Germans really keep busy." "Carter, do you mind?" "Go on." "We are determined not to work for Hitler." "Yeah." "You could've thought of that a lot sooner." "For a long time, atomic weapons were only a theory." "Now they are almost a reality." "We cannot permit ourselves to work for him." "Last night, when you stopped us, we were headed for the Swiss border." "Why didn't you go on?" "You might have sent out an alarm for us." "Why'd you come here?" "It's the most likely place to find people who spoke English." "All right, what do you want of us?" "We must get to Switzerland." "Any prisoner who can leave a stalag in German uniform, and stop traffic in the middle of a war..." "How do you manage such a thing?" "Clean living." "Well, I can't get you to Switzerland, but England could use you if you could prove what you're saying." "Professor Bauer and Dr. Riemann are internationally known." "So is the Gestapo." "Yeah." "Gentlemen, we must trust him with our most important proof." "Ja." "RIEMANN:" "Ja." "We are carrying with us five flasks of heavy water." "Essential material for atomic research." "Is that enough of a calling card?" "It's just about 100 proof." "( buzzing )" "Colonel, Klink just got a call from Gestapo, Berlin." "Three Krauts?" "Right." "He's been ordered to arrest them." "Hochstetter's on his way from Dusseldorf." "Okay, we got work to do." "Let's go." "HOGAN:" "See you a minute, Commandant?" "Not now, Hogan, I'm busy." "I have a complaint to make." "We shall discuss it later." "It's about your three friends." "What about them?" "And they've been sightseeing, looking at us like we were something in the zoo." "Where are they now?" "Quickly!" "I don't know." "The last time I saw them, they were in the barracks." "The bar..." "Let's go, come on." "They're not here, Herr Kommandant." "Go on, there, gentlemen." "You make your way around the front of the building like you're really doing a job, then you enter the barracks, right?" "Go." "Just a minute." "What about that?" "They're not here." "You're kidding." "They've gone." "Even their clothes have disappeared." "Those guys aren't scientists." "They're magicians." "No sight of them, sir." "Then search further!" "Raus!" "Come!" "They must be in or near this camp." "Their car is still here." "Maybe they went for a walk." "If we don't find them, you will go for a long walk... on snowshoes." "I have a feeling that they will turn up." "I don't know why." "I just have that feeling." "These men are traitors." "No!" "They have vital secrets to give to the enemy." "Oh, you should've told me that before!" "Bah!" "I am sorry I showed them around." "Aw, shut up." "I'll send to headquarters in Hammelburg." "I will be here every single day until I find these men." "I assure you I shall give the Gestapo my complete cooperation, Major Hochstetter." "Ja." "Even that will not discourage me." "The monsters have a problem." "So do we." "Yeah, how do we get them out of here?" "Can't use their car." "They've doubled the guards outside the wire, sir." "Wait a minute." "Hochstetter said he'd be in and out of here every day." "Well, that's something to look forward to." "They could go out in the trunk of Hochstetter's car." "What?" "In his car?" "Oh, come on." "It might work." "Baker, contact the underground." "Arrange to have an agent get them out of the trunk when Hochstetter's car gets to Hammelburg." "Check." "And notify London." "If we're lucky, we should be able to get the three of 'em out of here in a couple of days." "There's only room for one man in the trunk." "Hochstetter will have to make three trips." "Sir, you think of everything." "Halt!" "Here we go." "Here we go." "Hey, could you open the door?" "Me hands are full." "Could you hold the door for me?" "All right, all right." "All right, it's about time." "I'm doing the best I can." "Raus!" "( sighs ):" "Bauer's made it." "One down, two to go." "You know what to do, LeBeau." "Oui, Colonel." "Hey, Schultzy." "Schultz, listen." "I don't hear anything." "I know." "It's been like that all day." "SCHULTZ:" "Newkirk!" "Uh, yes, Schultz?" "I still don't hear anything." "No, well, it's stopped now anyway." "HOGAN:" "It's your water hose, Major." "Can you fix this?" "Sure." "It's not much of a job." "Just leave it to us." "Schnell, schnell, mach schnell." "NEWKIRK:" "Oh, dear, oh, dear." "Mm." "Looks like this needs a new flint." "Here we are." "I wouldn't mind having one of these at home after the war, you know?" "What's the trouble?" "Fixing Hochstetter's car." "Hey, somebody give me a hammer." "Get the man a hammer." "There's one in the trunk." "All set, sir." "Okay, fill it up with water, Schultz, and tell Hochstetter, huh?" "Jawohl, Colonel." "Wait!" "Where's the hammer?" "What hammer?" "He sent the man for a hammer." "Uh, I don't need it." "The job's done." "Where is the person you sent for it?" "If the job's done, I'm not going to need him, either, am I?" "Come on, Schultz." "Let's get back..." "Wait a minute!" "Hold it!" "Nobody leaves!" "Nobody moves until I find the man and the ham... hammer!" "Satisfied?" "You should lay off that liverwurst, Schultz." "It's softening your brain." "Doesn't look like much." "It is the most vital research material in the world." "Yeah, if you want to make an atom bomb." "Everything's okay, Colonel." "All the stuff's in place." "Yes, the canteen, drinking cup, bread crumbs, cigarette butts." "Very nice work, fellas." "Let's get going." "Steiner, pack up the stuff and stand by." "Jawohl, Herr Kolonel." "Just a simple yes will do." "Take the rest to the compound in case they try to pull anything dangerous." "Right, Colonel." "Relax." "Even if we get caught, it doesn't necessarily mean the firing squad." "That's a relief, sir." "They may hang us." "There you are, Commandant." "Cigarette butts, matches." "Canteen, bread crumbs." "Yep, they were here all right." "Now, why would they hide in here?" "My guess is they sneaked in after the search, sir." "That's what I think, too." "( chuckles ):" "Thank you for your opinion, Schultz." "Anytime, Herr Kommandant." "Hogan, how did you find this, huh?" "Well, I sometimes come in here to be alone to think, sir." "Well, next time, let me arrange that for you... officially." "Well, that's gratitude." "I could've told Hochstetter, you know, but I wanted you to get the credit for the capture." "Very thoughtful of you, Hogan." "If he finds your friends, he'll be a big man." "And if I don't call him, I'll be a big man... at the Russian front." "Schultz, telephone Hochstetter." "I want him here at once." "It is very urgent." "Big mistake, Commandant." "Schultz, that's the way we'll do it." "Now move!" "All right, you know best." "There's no question about it." "They were here." "That's exactly the conclusion I came to, Major." "Dismissed, Hogan." "Klink, I am convinced they are still in this camp." "And I believe they sneaked out somehow." "Herr Kommandant, I agree with the major." "I think they are still here." "I may have to come over to your side, Klink." "Go." "SOLDIER:" "What are you doing there?" "Well?" "Major Hochstetter told me to put this in his car." "Hochstetter?" "Major Hochstetter." "Go ahead." "You men are all assigned here." "Until we catch those traitors," "Stalag 13 will be under Gestapo control." "No one in or out without my permission." "Uh, what about me?" "You may come and go as you please, Kommandant." "Hopefully, you will go." "Heil Hitler." "Heil Hitler." "That man kills me." "I think that's what he has in mind, sir." "He upsets me." "Aw, why don't you go to your quarters and stick more pins in your Hochstetter doll?" "If those men get away, I'll have my revenge." "But how did they manage it?" "That's the question." "Maybe they climbed to the roof of your office and took off in a balloon." "( laughs ):" "You might as well say they rode out of camp in Hochstetter's car." "Might as well, but I won't." "The Gestapo is offering a reward for the capture of Bauer, Riemann and Steiner." "50,000 marks." "Ooh, that's a lot of money." "Yeah, that'd buy enough liverwurst to circle the Earth." "Too bad we can't find them." "I could use that money." "What about me, Herr Kommandant?" "I was the first one who saw them come into the camp." "I might give you a few marks." "A few marks?" "He's entitled to at least half." "Hogan, stay out of this!" "I would settle for one-third." "Oh, that's very big of you, Schultz." "Ten percent, no more." "Hold out." "I might consider 35%." "Are you crazy?" "I'm the one who invited them to stay." "Maybe 20%." "Ten percent." "15%." "Ten percent." "Look, I said 10 percent!" "15% is my..." "Hold it!" "Dismissed." "Herr Kommandant!" "When I say ten percent..." "Herr Kommandant, in all respect..." "No more, that's all!" "But I must say one thing:" "finders keepers!"