"What are you doing?" "You haven't been exclusive?" "I'm not the kind of girl who's going to have an ordinary relationship." " Love doesn't work!" " Because you're heartless." " We found out she slept with Beaver." " That piece of crap?" " Rebecca didn't think so." " Evan, what the hell?" "!" "Dana gives me something more." "She inspires me." "Cappie and I aren't built to last." "We work here, in college, and I don't think we'll work anywhere else." "What abo graduation in May?" "We'll worry about that in May." "Noonan!" " You're gonna miss it, Noonan." "Miss it." " Miss it, Noonan." " Noonan!" "Oh!" "Hey, guys." "Cap, this is Dana." "Well, hello there, Dana." "We'll take three boxes of Samoas," " four boxes of Thin Mints..." " I'm not a Girl Scout." " This is my girlfriend." " Can she get us cookies?" "These are my pledges, the future of the KT house." " Really?" " Anthony Hopkins." "They've done a lot of crazy stuff, like, uh..." "What have you guys done?" "Were we supposed to do anything?" "When Spitter was a pledge, he stole a top-secret weather thingie." "The Remington-Herzog Atmospheric Destabilizer?" "That was you?" "That's how I made Vesuvius rain beer." "And then we put some farm animals in Omega Chi, and we took over the KT house, locking out the actives." "Uh, that sounds like a lot of work." "OK, you need to step it up and make your mark, or else no one will remember you here." "Why do some of you guys have OXs?" "I thought you were kts?" "I like my practice conditions to be as real as possible." "Tomorrow's the IFC Greek Gods of Golf Tourney, where I will smite Evan Chambers." "Golf is just the beginning of your secret master plan, right, Cap?" " Absolutely." "To lure them into my master trap, I have master bait." " Yeah?" " All in good time, Spitter." "That's on a need-to-know basis, and right now you don't need to know." " I get it." "You can't talk about your big secret plan in front of me because I'm a girl?" "No." "It's 'cause you didn't bring me any Thin Mints." "So now that he's gone, what's your big secret plan?" " I wish I knew." " You guys are good." "God, we only have six weeks left at CRU and in the ZBZ house." "I know." "We're about to experience a lot of lasts together, like a last Spring Break and a last finals." "Mm-hmm." " Our last 10:" "15am on March 10th." "Our last 10:16." "Maybe my last six weeks with Cappie?" "Oh." "Right." "Sorry." "That's the last of the lasts." " When did Rebecca get back?" " Oh, last night." "And not to bring up lasts again, but this very well could be your last chance to be there for Rebecca as her big sis." "Looks like she's pretty upset that Evan broke up with her." "Or maybe she's fine." "Fine?" "A few days in Jackson Hole and suddenly everything is fine?" "Uh..." "Hey, Rebecca." " How are you doing?" " Fine." "Um... if you need to talk, your big sis is here." " For you." " No, thanks." "Wow, OK." "I just thought you'd be upset about Evan, maybe even show some real human emotion," " but, whatever." " Wow, OK." "Thanks for checking in with me, big sis." "Have you seen today's paper?" "Those administration asshats canceled Greek Week." " What?" "Why?" " I'll summarize." "Some crap about budgetary issues, more crap about moving funds to next year's rush, and total crap about no more Blue Ribbon events." "But Greek Week was our last chance to take down the Gamma Psis before we graduate." " Without it, we finish..." " Number two." "Oh, hi, Natalie." "Isn't this Katherine's room?" "Sure is." "I mean, ever since you burned down our house." "So sorry to hear about the cancellation of Greek Week, Case." "I'm super bummed for you guys." "I mean, I had no idea when I started the petition to redistribute funds to next year's rush it would actually do it." "I guess now ZBZ will have to go into rush number two." "Good luck getting the best girls with that." "Oh, and, uh, tell Ash to say hi to Pete for me," " if they're still dating." " They're actually..." "They're not." "Oh." "Super bummed for Ash, too." "Bye!" "Casey, I was just as surprised as you." "But how can they cancel Greek Week?" "The boys get an extra event with the Greek Gods of Golf, and, what, the sororities are just done?" "We deserve one last chance to win Blue Ribbon points." "I mean, isn't there something that we can do?" " I wish there were, but unfortunately, events have to be approved, voted on, and scheduled months in advance." "I mean, it's in our bylaws." "However, if someone were to point out that traditionally there was a Goddesses portion of the Greek Gods competition we might be able to have it reinstated." "So we would play... golf?" "No, no." "OK, let's say hypothetically a beauty pageant portion was taken off the calendar in the 1960s," "I can only guess due to women's liberation." "But if someone were to petition the president of Panhellenic, we might be able to have another Blue Ribbon event." "Oh!" "I'd like to propose that we reinstate a beauty pageant." "A beauty pageant?" "Are you crazy?" "I think an event to find a Goddess should be much more geared toward strength of character and less about superficial outward appearances." " But you just..." " Although, if we could update it to modern standards," "I think I might be able to convince the board to bring it back." "Why would you do this?" "Don't you want Gamma Psi to win?" "Well, personally I would have preferred to battle it out during Greek Week." "I think a victory achieved on a technicality is far less satisfying." "But I'm going to Yale Law, so moving the frick on." "I was thinking we could go to Myrtle Beach for Spring Break with the rest of the house." "Or we could do this." "Sebastian went last year and said he had such a blast." "I don't know." "I mean, a gay cruise?" " It's kind of a singles thing." " Not if we do it together." "But we're gonna have to put the deposit down soon, so..." "Hey, uh, Cal?" "There's a Jehovah's Witness here to see you." "Uh, I'm a Baptist, thank you." "It's like mistaking a Methodist for a Lutheran." "Hey, guys." " Let me know what you decide." "What's up, Dale?" "I got a favor to ask." "There's this young man in my church group, Adam, who has some difficult questions that I'm afraid I'm not qualified to answer." "He thinks he might be like you." " Catholic?" " Gay." "And, after three months of talking to the pastor, he's still not giving in." "Oh, I see." "So you want me to talk him out of making this choice?" "It's not a choice, Calvin." "For a gay guy, you're awfully ignorant." "No, he just, you know, he's never met a gay person before." "Well, that he knows of." "He just wants to talk to a gay person, and there's nobody like that at our church that we know of." "Well, of course, Dale." "I'd be happy to help you." "Thank you." "Ah, I've never been on a cruise before." "These guys look like they're having fun... on each other." "So Cappie and I were talking about his big revenge plans against the Omega Chi, but..." "You know, I forgot some of the details." "What was the first part?" " Forget it." "He hasn't told me anything." "Ooh, grab that table." "Case, listen, I know you're mad at me for punching Rusty, and I just wanted to say that I am sorry, OK?" "I was in a really bad place over Rebecca cheating on me and unfortunately your brother took the brunt of it." "Wrong place at the wrong time." "I'm sorry." "OK, I appreciate that, but you should tell Rusty." "He's right over there." "OK." "Rusty." "I just wanted to say sorry for hitting you." "I don't accept your apology, because three of my friends had to leave CRU because of you." "Hey, you're the one that threw it in my face about Beaver sleeping with my girlfriend." "I can't believe you guys put him up to that just to get revenge for those stupid expulsions." " Is that what you think?" " You crossed a line." "It seems to really bother you." "Too bad your humiliation will continue when Cappie kicks your ass at golf tomorrow." " That's not likely 'cause Cappie picked up a wicked slice when we played last semester." "Last semester?" "You mean freshman year, right?" "No, I mean last semester, wh Cappie and I buried the hatchet." " You really didn't know." " No, that is impossible." "Cappie's my friend." "He would've told me." "Well, sounds to me like maybe you two aren't such good friends after all." " So, everything's good?" " Mm-hmm." "Yeah, we're all good." "We're all friends here." "Guess who?" "What are you doing?" "Come on." " I don't like guessing games or public displays of affection." "I'm a very private person." "But I need a little PDA from my GF NNT." "That's "now 'n' then." "" I made that one up." "Dale, let's not label what we have, or initial it, or speak about it out loud with other people." "I prefer if we keep this relationship in the pantry for now." "All right." "Uh, you do admit it's a relationship." " That's a start." " Then it's settled." "What happens in the pantry stays in the pantry." ""The pageant will consist of an evening gown competition, followed by a socially relevant and intellectually challenging Q  A."" "So we have to choose one member to represent the house who exemplifies all the qualities of..." " I nominate Ashleigh!" " I second that!" " I'm retired." " Yeah, Ash has a pageant past." "I had a respectable career." "I was crowned Little Miss Perfect, Little Miss Princess," "Little Miss Unincorporated Arapahoe County before hanging up my dental flippers at age six whe. the pressure got to me." "So..." "I would like to nominate Casey instead." "And I'd like to nominate Rebecca!" " Beth?" " Beth?" " Can she even nominate?" " I accept the nomination." "Really?" "Rebecca, you want to compete?" "Why wouldn't I?" " Well, given the whole Beaver thing..." "Hey, it didn't hurt Vanessa Williams' career." " No, not... not that." "Um, it's just probably best if you stay out of the limelight due to all of your... scandals." "We need to win." "No offense." "All right." "All those in favor of Casey representing ZBZ in the Greek Goddess pageant?" "OK, great!" "This crowd has gone deadly silent." "Cinderella story, out of nowhere, a former greenskeeper now about to become the Masters champion." "Ow!" "Hey, Cap." "Put down the club." "I gotta talk to you." "Oh, certainly, Your Eminency." "I spoke to your buddy Evan." " Said you're quite the golfer." " Gopher?" "Golfer!" "Something about your slice last semester, when you guys were friends." "OK, yes, Evan and I called a truce, but that was last semester." "Everything's changed" "Were you guys friends when Wade and the guys got expelled?" "You can't tell me about your secret friendship, you can't tell me about your revenge plans..." " Trust me, Evan will pay." " Tell me about your plan." " Ronald Reagan." "How does a dead president help us get revenge on Omega Chi?" "Where..." "What is...?" "Gee, I wonder who could have done this?" "Jigsaw?" " Clearly it was the Omega Chi." "They must have done this so you wouldn't beat your pal Evan at golf." "Ex-pal." " They never would have kidnapped us if you hadn't dragged your feet on your whole revenge plan." "Come on." "No, I want to hear Cappie's master plan." " I mean, don't you trust me?" " No, it's about me and Evan." "How many times do I have to get hit in the face before it's about me too?" "I don't know." "How many times has it been?" "I don't want to drag other people into it, OK?" "Like Wade, Jeremy, and Ferret?" "You know what?" "Why don't you just stick to the science and beaker stuff and I'll handle the revenge, OK?" "In the meantime I'll figure out a way to escape since you won't share your plan in that either." "Beauty pageants require contestants to answer important questions about difficult issues." "While parading around in swimsuits." "Not our pageant." "Katherine lifted the swimsuit portion." "Boo!" "Why?" "Because we're promoting "female empowerment," not bulimia." "Oh, look, my big sis and my ex." "So much for sisterhood." "Rebecca, you can't expect me to pick sides." "You're right." "You should be there for Evan just as you've been there for me." "But I guess you've been too busy with the pageant." "Why are you so against me competing?" "You always have to be the hero." "It's my responsibility to get the house back on top." "Well, what will you do next year to validate yourself when there are no ZBZ contests for you to win?" "And you, I know you're the one who broke into my room and took back the necklace." "I should call the cops." "But I won't." "So I guess that makes us even." "Wow." "So, Adam, uh, Dale has told me what's going on, what you're feeling." "Let's talk." "I think I might be..." "Uh..." "...gay." " See?" "It's OK to say the word out loud." " What makes you think so?" " I saw New Moon six times." "Aw, man, that Mormon bunk again?" "Yeah, that is definitely a sign." "You know, my pastor says being gay is lonely, like, you'll never find love, or have a real relationship." "Well, no offense to your pastor, but he's an idiot." "I'm in a really good relationship right now, with a guy who just came out, actually." "Just like that?" "He came out and you found each other?" "No." "You can't always count on that." "Usually it's a process." "You have to spend some time figuring out who you really are before you know what you want in someone else." "And you and your boyfriend, you both want the same thing?" "Hey, why don't you bring Grant to our next coffee, so we can show Adam how happy and gay and committed you are." "Sure." "Yeah, I know he would love to show you how happy we are." " Saved By The Bell!" " Been said!" "The College Years." "Damn, '90s TV tag is hard." "Um... excuse me." "Yeah, I hate to interrupt while you're curing world hunger and all, but I haven't been able to reach Rusty all day and I'm kinda worried." "Haven't seen him." "Try Cappie." "You know, I haven't seen Cappie either." "So two of your brothers are missing?" "Sounds like it." " And your golf tournament is today?" " Yeah, in like an hour." "Against your big rival fraternity the Omega Chis?" "Yeah." "We hate them." "So isn't it just a little bit weird that they're both not here?" "OK, we don't have time for your questions." "Cappie and Rusty have been kidnapped by the Omega Chis." " What's up with the Omega Chis?" " We think they kidnapped Rusty and Cappie." " We'll find them." " Hurry!" "It's almost tee time." " We don't have time for tea!" " Golf, Beav." "You know, I can't believe Rebecca thinks I'm doing this for the credit, or that I'm having trouble letting go." "You need to stop worrying about that and start worrying more about "smysing."" " What?" " Smiling with your eyes." "You look like a mime on drugs." "Hey, Casey." "I heard you were competing." "Would you like to meet your competition?" "This is Eliana Hernandez." "She's a very recent Gamma Psi transfer from UCLA, but grew up in Caracas, Venezuela." "We were gown shopping." "She's from warm climates and her longest dress was mid-thigh-high." "So against the rules." "Well, we're just on our way to the tailor now." "She won't need that." "She's so tall and thin she could wear runway sizes." "Well, good luck tomorrow." "Bye!" "You're the one who's gonna need the luck." "Venezuela almost always wins Miss Universe and California dominates Miss USA, so a Venezuelan-Californian is virtually unbeatable." "I am all for shenanigans, but I really have to pee." "Is it manly to pee down your leg as long as you're not scared?" "Because I'm not scared, by the way." "Hey, how'd you do that?" "This stuff dissolves adhesive." "Looks like my beakers and my science stuff came in pretty handy, huh?" " Say hi to Evan for me." " Wait!" "No, hey..." "Rus!" "Not funny." "Rusty, come on." "Rusty!" "Who's holding that WD-40 now?" "Say it, Cap." "Say it..." "Fine!" "You're holding the WD-40 now." "Come on, take this off." "Oh!" " It's the Omega Chi." " God, I have to pee." "Rusty and Cappie, we're here to rescue you!" "Where'd they go?" "Are the brothers gonna get mad when they find out it was us who kidnapped them?" "And then lost them?" "I think I peed a little." "Maybe there's a gas station down the road." " But you just went." " So we can use their phone." "I think it'll be faster this way." "Well, I trust my instincts." "Is it really that big of a deal that we go my way?" "I mean, back there, who was holding..." "The WD-40, yeah, I know." "But I'm the president of the house." "And if I have to keep something from my little bro for the sake of the national/house security, then you have to accept that." "Maybe I'm tired of always being your "little brother."" "You'd rather be my little sister?" " Fine." "You go your wrong way," " I'm gonna go mine." " Fine!" "But I'm more fine." " Finer." " The finest!" " Hey." " Hey." "How'd it go with that kid?" "Uh, I told him that you would come along next time." " I mean, if you can." " Sure, no problem." "So, what's the verdict with the cruise?" "I'm sorry, I just..." "I don't really want to spend Spring Break with a bunch of single gay strangers." "So you'd rather spend it with thousands of drunk homophobic straight dudes and girls with low self-esteem and wet T-shirts?" "No, I would rather spend it with you and our friends rather than spend a week on the gay Love Boat." "Fine." "Then maybe you should go to Myrtle Beach," "I'll go on the cruise." "Look, I..." "I di$n't mean that." "Are you sure?" "'Cause I'm starting to wonder if you wish you had the chance to explore more of the single gay world before settling down in a relationship with me." "Never should have let your brother wander off alone." "Well, he couldn't have gone too far." "Unless the Omega Chis nabbed him again." "Either way, we're missing the golf tournament." "Hopefully they'll have better luck with your beauty pageant." "Maybe if we kidnap Eliana Hernandez." "She's Gamma Psi's pageant contestant from Venezuela who transferred to CRU from UCLA." "A Cali-zuelan?" "You're screwed." "I mean, I'm sure you'll beat her." "Maybe I should let Rebecca compete, so she can lose to that supermodel." "Serve her right for being such a bitch earlier." "She's just pissy because she wants to compete in the pageant" " and I didn't support her." " Why not?" "Because scandals don't help pageant contestants win." "They help them get on Perez and Larry King, and this is our last chance to put the house back on top." "Are you sure it's not your last chance to save the day?" "I mean, you've done so much for the house already, maybe you don't always need to be the hero." " There's Rusty." " Oh." "Hey." "Say it, Spitter." "Who has the low-emissions vehicle now?" " Yeah." " Nice!" "Why didn't Kappa Tau show up?" "Doodie!" "Stop the match!" " You gotta clean the course." " We're done, you jackass." "Still no word on the Kappa Tau player." "Yeah, we're here!" "OK!" "Everybody hold up!" "Stop playing!" "Cap is ready." " OK." " It's too late." "Sorry." "Kappa Taus are disqualified." " No, the Omega Chis need to be disqualified." " They kidnapped me." " Yeah, right." "Don't try and talk your way out of this" " with that fancy talk you got." " Obviously it was you." "We were transported in a black SUV," " just like the one Trip drives." " Yeah." "Uh, like that one?" "No, but that's Dumptruck's." "Oh, my God." "We were kidnapped by our own pledges." "We meant to get you back in time, but when we got to the shed, you guys were gone." "You made me miss the whole tourney." "We only wanted to make our mark, like Spitter's pledge class." "Well, nice work, losers." "Couldn't have done it without you guys." "Thanks!" "Chest out." "Chin up." "Chest out!" ""Smyse." Chest out!" "OK, so we need more "smysing."" "Smyse like you mean it." "Gown in the house." " Oh, thank you so much for picking it up, Abby." "No problem." "But I thought you were supposed to wear a floor-length evening gown." "Oh, what did they do?" "They were supposed to take off two inches, not two feet!" "They said some little blonde came in for new measurements." " I thought they meant you." " It was probably Natalie." "This would be a floor-length gown on her." "What are we gonna do?" "We're sunk." "I have a few gowns" " that'd be perfect for this competition." " Really?" "From what?" "From being rich." "I can win the pageant." "I've been walking around and fake smiling for years." "Forget it." "Thought maybe you'd finally give me a chance, but... whatever." "Wait." "If you really want to do it then I guess it's all riding on you, Rebecca." "Testing..." "One..." "One, two, two..." "Hello, everybody, and welcome to CRU's Greek Goddess of Brains and Beauty competition." "Whoo!" " Now, this is not a night about skin or swimsuits and it's not about the objectification of women!" "We can just fill in those gaps here." "Come on forward." "Let's fill in the gaps." "Thank you, gentlemen." "Classic two-step heel plant." "With pivot." "She's a pro." "Come on, slip!" "* Work it like a supermodel Work it like a supermodel *" "* Work it like a supermodel Work it like a supermodel *" "* Work it like a supermodel Work it like a supermodel *" " * Work it like a supermodel *" " Slut!" " Tramp!" " Skank!" "Hey, shut the hell up!" "Not cool!" "* Work it at the runway Runway, runway *" "* Work it at the runway Work it at the runway *" "* Work it *" "Hey." "Where's Grant?" "Uh, he will not be joining us today." "We're kinda having some issues." " What kind of issues?" " Uh, well, we had a disagreement over a gay cruise." "Hey, Calvin, please come with me for a second." " What was that about?" " You're supposed to show Adam that being gay means you can be in a healthy, committed relationship." "I know, but..." " Whereas the gay cruise promotes promiscuity." " Dale, that's not..." " I saw the pictures." "All those shaved calves and snug swim trunks." "You're supposed to help me, not betray me like some gay Judas." "No, you asked me to help Adam, who should know all the facets of gay life not some just idealized version or the stereotypes." "By the way, thanks for your concern about me and Grant." "Come on!" "Adam..." "It's possible that my relationship with Grant may not make it in the long run." "It's starting to seem like we want different things." "Or, they might make up tonight, chastely." "Relationships are hard, gay or straight." "But you can't hide your feelings in the closet and settle for something that isn't right for you." "Which is part of coming out." "* Oh, so he's got it made *" "You let your brothers trash Rebecca in front of the entire Greek system." "Real classy, Chambers." "Yeah, look, I told them to stop, OK?" "Maybe they wouldn't have started it if they weren't taking their cue from you." " Maybe I did punch the wrong guy." " Maybe you did." "Hey, hey!" "Hey!" "Jeez." "You were the one who stabbed him in the back." "He wasn't the one who slept with your girlfriend." "You're gonna hit me again?" "Do it." "My face is numb from all the other times anyway." "All right." "Impressive, Rus." "How can you be friends with that guy?" "Because I thought that he could change." "I thought he could be the guy that I wanted him to be." "Well, you don't trust me, even though I always have your back." "Why won't you tell me your plan for revenge?" "Because there isn't one." " Seriously?" " I have nothing, except for maybe a small case of revenge block." "You didn't think that I could help you?" "I didn't want to disappoint you." "It had to be perfect, and I don't have perfect in me right now." "But I know that." "You're one of the biggest screw-ups in the school." "Well, thank you very much, my friend." "But I also know that if I have a problem" "I can always come to you." "I just wish you felt the same." "Quit being my hero and start being my friend." "Boys can be so stupid and immature." "Don't listen to any of that." "I bet you didn't expect to see this." "I really wish you, of all people, hadn't." "Well, it's nice to see that you have emotions." "And tear ducts." "Why would you want to put yourself out there like that?" "Because I wanted to show everyone that I didn't give a crap about how people see me." "Everyone?" "Or Evan?" "I mean, do you still care about him?" "Yes." "And I hate that." "I just thought that because he's different and messed-up, like me that he'd get me." "It was stupid." "And now I'm screwing it up for the whole house, too." "You were right." "You were a much better choice for this." "This competition is supposed to be about confidence and elegance and strength." "The fact that you even went out there, after everything that's happened I can't think of anyone who's all of those things more than you." "You're the perfect choice." "I don't think I can go out there for the final question round." "You can." "I know we've had our differences, and sometimes, wow, you really have pissed me off but you're the future of ZBZ." "We may or may not win tonight, but I know that ZBZ will be number one again, and when that day happens, it'll be because of you." "Now, go out there and kick some Cali-zuelan ass, OK?" "Our next contestant is a communications major." "We have Gamma Psi's Eliana Hernandez." "Eliana, what is your favorite class?" "I like English very much." "Uh, thank you for me liking America." "Please note, everyone, English is her fourth language." "Very impressive." "Moving on." "Our next contestant is a psychology major with a political upbringing and a passion for calligraphy." " We have ZBZ's Rebecca Logan." " Whoo!" "ZBZ, what is your take on the current debate" " of healthcare reform in our country..." " This is so rigged." "Thank you, Katherine, and thank you to the pageant organizers and all those voting." "This is an issue that's been debated to death, which is where a lot of people will end up without it." "And one that's been challenged with a great deal of hypocrisy." "But you know what?" "Let's focus on that word:" "hypocrisy." "Here's an example:" "How girls are held to an impossible sexual standard." "How a girl can be called a "slut"" "while a guy's applauded for his conquests." "And when she wants to seem strong through the name-calling, she's a bitch." "And it's not just the guys who are saying this, ladies." "But it's important to call out such hypocrisy, because we're not actually gods and goddesses." "We're humans... who make mistakes." "Hopefully we learn from them and move on, pulling ourselves back up." "Recently, I made a mistake." "But there's only one person here who has the right to speak to me about it." "As for everyone else..." "I'm Rebecca Logan, and I'm a ZBZ." "And I'm damn proud of both." "Whoo!" "Thanks." "Thank you all for voting." "Didn't they all look fantastic and empowered?" "Now I, for one, am a firm believer that we are all winners here, but unfortunately, that is not how a competition works." "So I'd like to start by announcing the winner of the Greek Gods of Golf competition." "The lowest score for this evening, and this year's Greek God is Evan Chambers from Omega Chi." "And this year's Greek Goddess is Rebecca Logan from ZBZ." "Congratulations." "I thought what you said..." "Save it." "What do you want now, a hug?" "I want a chance to kick your ass in golf." "Night golf." "Why should I?" "I already won the IFC golf tournament." "By default." "You didn't beat me." "All right." "Yeah, fine." "I'll play." "What do we get if we win?" "How about Pickle's uncle's beach house he lent us for the spring break." " It's got eight bedrooms..." " No, no, no." "Where are we gonna stay if we lose?" "We're not gonna lose." "I know what I'm doing." "And if you win, however unlikely?" "We get your house for 24 hours, for the most badass party and you're not invited." "Don't even, Chambers." "They'll trash our whole house." "Uh-oh!" "Pumpkinhead's scared." "Just listen to me this once, please." " Do not bet the beach house." " It's too late." "That's a deal." "Good." "So you want to go, uh, check out the whole golf death match thing?" "Actually, I was thinking about heading over to Gentlemen's Choice, just to grab a beer, if that's cool." "Well, you don't have to ask me, you know." "That's what you want to do." "I don't..." "I don't know what I want." "I think you do." "I think that you want to be single." "That's so untrue." "Oh, come on, I don't even care about that stupid gay cruise." "Come on, Grant." "This isn't about the cruise or Gentlemen's Choice." "You came out of the closet right into a relationship with me, and, you know, you think you missed out." "You want to know what it's like to be single." "Maybe." "A little." "I'm so grateful for everything you did, helping me come out." "Calvin I love you." "I love you, too." "But I don't want grateful." "You know, I need to be with someone who wants to be with me just me." "Are you ready for that?" "I don't know what to say." "I think you just did." "So that's it?" "I mean, we're breaking up?" "Yeah, I..." "I guess we are." "Wow." "This is so weird." "I just want to say thank you for everything." "Look, you don't have to thank me." "Come on." "All right, so you guys ready to lose that kick-ass Spring Break suite?" "Are you ready for 50 drunk kts puking and peeing in your house?" "And that's just in your room." "All right, guys." "I have your balls." "The blue ball's yours, naturally." "Thank you." "All right, it's a one-shot challenge with nine-irons." "The closest one to the hole wins." " Are you OK?" " Uh, yeah." "Grant and I just broke up." "I'm sorry to hear that." "And it's... in the water!" " Really?" " What?" "Is it?" "No, I wish." "It's actually about two feet from the pin." " Why would he set us up like that?" " Way to go, Evan!" " Way to go!" "Beautiful." " Beat that!" "All right." "Well, if there are no objections," "I'd like Rusty to swing for me." "What are you doing?" "You're the golfer." "Rusty, you're my little brother." "You know how important this is to me." "I know you'll do the right thing." "Just be the ball, OK?" "Be the ball." "Be the ball, be the ball, be the ball, be the ball..." "Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball, be the ball... be the ball..." " It's kinda hard when you're talking like that." "Sorry." "No!" "It's, like, right there." "Attention, ladies and..." "ladies." "I would like to present you with this year's Greek Goddess:" "ZBZ's very own Rebecca Logan!" "And since we're all here, it is tradition for the seniors to give a gift to the house, and we would like to give our gift early." "Well, thanks to all of your hard work this year, and to Rebecca's win today, our gift to you is that ZBZ is once again the number one house!" "And we got you T-shirts so you can flaunt it!" "Thank you." "Hey, uh, Laura, uh, I've been thinking." "I enjoy our time together, but I don't want to hide it behind graham crackers and canned tuna." "You know, I want to take it outside the pantry." "No." "Sorry." "Uh, excuse me, everybody." "Uh, attention, please." "Laura and I will no longer be involved in a semi-sexual relationship." "So, as of right now," "Dale Kettlewell's back on the market." "All right, everyone gather around." "Spitter, come here." "Hey-o!" "Yeah." "Ah, look at your faces." " What's going on?" " We wanted Evan to win." "Seriously?" " So you don't suck at golf?" "Oh, I suck, all right." "That was part of the plan." "So we wanted to give them the beach house?" "Which we'll use as the greatest revenge KT has ever known." "Ladies and gentlemen, as president it is my job to nominate the one man who can lead us to victory and avenge our fallen comrades." " What?" " My friend and our new revenge chair, Rusty Cartwright!" "Bring us to the promised land, Rus." "Brothers..." "Phase one is complete." "Phase two:" "Myrtle Beach."