"[Gulls Crying]" "**[Continues]" "[Laughs]" "[Giggling]" "It's them." "Now, Jack." "Do exactly what we rehearsed." "Nothing else." "Say exactly what we agreed." "Nothing else." "[Speaking French]" "Very good, Jack." " See you later." " Yes, see you later." "**[Continues]" "Monsieur." "[Exhales]" "[French Accent] Where is ze money?" "We would like see..." "to see ze money." "Not understand?" "** [Humming "La Mer"]" "[Whistles]" "[Counting Silently]" "[Enunciating Carefully] One more." "I don't know, mate." "It's nothin' to do with me, honest." "Marcel!" "Get movin'!" " What about the other fella?" " Get movin'!" "Oh!" "[Leader] Get rid ofhim!" "Lose the bastard!" " [Protesting In French] - [Leader] I said get rid ofhim!" " [Leader] Swim!" " [Jack Yells]" "[Frenchmen Shouting]" "[Screams]" " [Protesting In French]" " We don't want you, you bastard!" "Get out of here!" "[Propeller Clattering]" "[Moans]" "[Gasps]" "[Screams]" "[Screaming] I'm... gonna... die!" "[Man] *Somewhere *" "*Beyond the sea *" "*Somewhere, waiting for me *" "*My lover stands on golden sands *" "*And watches the ships *" "* That go sailing *" "* Somewhere beyond the sea *" "* She's there watchin' for me *" "* If I could fly like birds on high *" "* Then straight to her arms *" "*I'd go sailing *" "* It's far *" "* Beyond the star *" "* It's there, beyond the moon *" "* I know *" "* Beyond a doubt *" "[Dog Howling]" " **[Continues] - [Barking]" "[Man] Sit!" "Down." "Bad doggie." "Down, down." "Good doggie." "Good doggie." "Beg." "[Knock At Door]" "[High-Pitched Voice] Room service, Mr. Tommy." "Can I turn down your pants?" "Agh!" "Ha-ha-ha!" "Hey, how's the star of the show?" " I'm gonna die." " Tommy. [Kiss] You're among friends!" " We won't let ya die." " No, Al." "I don't mean on stage, although I feel like shit." "I mean..." "I'm gonna die." "What is this?" "What are ya talkin' about?" "If I don't do it, make it happen..." "You know, find that feelin'..." "Two weeks." "I'm just not gonna live anymore." "You mean you feel desperate, that's all." "Ooh, a lot of people feel desperate... just before they do something exceptional!" "You know, Al, I'm not gonna play safe anymore." "I'm gonna take it to the edge." "Right to the edge, and do pirouettes." "Pirouettes?" "What..." "What are you talkin'?" "Pirouettes, you dumb fuck." "And if I fall... well, so be it." "You know?" "Who gives a shit?" "You know?" "My father in the audience yet?" "[Traffic Noises, Siren]" "We're late." "That's it." "We're late." " Don't say it was me." " Relax, dear." "I'm gonna die." "[People Cheering]" " [Fan] Hey, George!" " Welcome to the Hilton, Vegas." " Hi." "Thank you." " George, great to see you." "Thank you very much." "No matter what happens tonight, nobody can say you haven't been a great father." " [Kiss] - [Fans Cheering, Calling]" "Hi." "Hi." "Hi." "** ["La Mer" Continues]" " [Man] Hi, George!" " [Lady] Here they come!" "[Performer] *I know *" "*Beyond a doubt *" " Hi, sweetie." " *My heart *" "* Will be there too *" "* We'll meet, we'll meet, we'll meet *" "*Beyond the shore *" "* We'll kiss just as before *" "Now is not the time to lose faith in the material." "It got you this far, huh?" "Besides, as an opener, the dog story is the bestjoke I ever wrote for you." "But if..." "Oh, but you won't." "But if, and I mean only if... it..." "Jesus, Tommy, you're makin' me doubt things." "If it doesn't work, use the saver." "You mean, "I guess a joke's like a lady getting out of a car:" "Sometimes you see it;" "sometimes you don't"?" " [Laughing] Yeah!" "That's it!" " Yeah, that's it!" "Yeah!" "Tommy, I don't think you should use the sheep story." "What're you tellin' me?" "It's not that kind of house." "I've been out there." "It uses the "F" word, and this is not the Comedy Store, huh?" " You'll lose 'em with the "F" word." " Risks, Al." "Pirouettes." "A one-way ticket." "Two weeks to live." "**[Big Band]" "You're nervous." "What do you think?" "I wait all my Goddamn life for tonight!" "[Whining, Crying]" "Oh." "What're you doin'?" "P-Pumpkin." "Wh-What're you doin'?" "Don't do this, please." "[Whimpering] You're so cold." "You have frozen the life out of me." "What is this?" "What're you doin' to me?" "You." "You!" "That's all that matters, all you think about." "Tommy Fawkes." "Tommy, you're so cold." "You wonder why people don't laugh at you?" "[Whimpering Continues]" "Why..." "What are you sayin'?" "What are you sayin' to me?" "I am saying that you cannot have relationships." "We're through." "That's what I'm saying!" "[Crying]" "**[Big Band]" " Hi, son." " Hi, Dad." "I won't hold you up." "Boy, this takes me back." "New mirrors." "[Chuckles]" "Well, all I came to say was you couldn't ask for a better audience." "That room is filled with people." "Friends, old friends of the family." "The whole of show business is there, and they're all just hoping..." " and wishing and ready to laugh, son." " [Knock At Door]" " I better go." " [Man] Mr. Fawkes?" "Sure, sure." "Okay." "I just wanted you to know... how proud I am of you." " [Knocking] Five minutes, please." " He'll be right there." "If this audience doesn't laugh, then..." "I don't know what." "I just think all those years of playing small venues... and learning the business the way I had to... is about to pay off for you." "And I hope so, Tommy, because I know you haven't always found life easy, son." " [Knocking]" " Okay!" "Dad, I have to go." "Okay, okay." "Go get 'em." "Kill the bastards." " [Door Opens, Closes] - [Thunder]" "* We will meet *" "*Beyond the shore *" "* We'll kiss just as before *" "* Happy we'll be beyond the sea *" "*And never again *" " *I'll go sail *" " He was fine." "* Go sail *" "*Sailing **" "[Applause, Whistles]" "[Emcee] Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new face... topping the bill at the Hilton Oasis." "A new face, but an old name." "The name is Fawkes." "[Al] Yeah!" "Yeah, Tommy Fawkes." "All right!" " Yeah!" " [Emcee] Now..." "I'm gonna keep Tommy waiting just a little longer... because first of all... there's something special we have to do." " Ladies and gentlemen, - **[Drum Roll]" "The biggest star of them all, the funniest," "Mr. Originality himself." "In the audience tonight, Mr. George Fawkes!" "[Wild Applause, Cheering]" "Here he is!" "[Emcee] George, come on." " [Al] Woo-hoo!" " [Crowd Cheering]" "[Emcee] Come on, George." "It's all right." "Come on up." "They want you!" "Don't do it, Dad." "Oh, please, don't do it." "**[George's Theme Song]" "[Emcee] Come on up here, George." " Come on." " [Applause, Cheering Continue]" "[Emcee] * George **" "Come on!" "Oh, my God." "**[Continues]" "George Fawkes." "[George] As the cow said on the cold wintery morning," ""Thank you for that warm hand." [Laughs]" "But seriously, folks, I cannot tell you... what a joy I feel in my heart, being here at the, uh," " Hilton Oasis." " [Audience Laughs]" " He did it." " I want to thank Hal for that marvelous introduction." " [Knock At Door] Mr. Fawkes?" " He did it." "He did it." "Mr. Fawkes?" " [Audience Laughing]" " You okay?" "[George] Hal is the oldest performer still working with a pacemaker." " [Audience Laughs]" " I can't believe he did that." "Oh, boy." "[Retching]" "You know, a gag is like watching a girl get out of a car:" "Sometimes you see it, sometimes you don't." " **[Rim Shot] - [Riotous Laughing]" "[Retching]" "I'm history." "I'm outta here." "Have a good night!" "** [George's Theme]" " [Applause]" " George Fawkes!" "You've still got it!" "You were perfect." "[Laughs]" "I can't believe he did that." "And now, will you welcome... the man who has inherited that talent," "Mr. Tommy Fawkes!" " **[Tommy's Theme] - [Audience Cheering]" " **[Continues] - [Applause Continues]" "[Al] Tommy!" "Tommy!" "Whoo!" "He's great!" "Yeah!" "**[Continues]" " **[Stops] - [Man] Attaboy, Tommy!" " [Man Shouting] Slay 'em, Tommy!" " [Applause Gradually Stops]" "[Sighs Loudly] My wonderful parents, ladies and gentlemen." "Actually, they hated me as a kid." "I remember once... they took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle." "[Laughter, Scattered Applause]" "You ever feel like killing yourself?" "You?" "Ever feel like no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, people will always see you as one thing?" "It's all you can be, just one thing?" "It's like a lifetime of bad luck." "[Uncertain Chuckles]" "Came home to my apartment last week, found my dog looking sheepish." "[Shouts Angrily] Dogs can look sheepish!" "I feed him." "He won't eat." "Starts wailing' real loud." "R-r-r-r-r!" "I don't know what to do!" "I go into the back room, see he's broken a very large mirror." "I say, "Did you do this?" He says, "Yeah." He did." "He did!" "He said, "Yeah."" "I said, "Well, that's okay." "Why are you so upset?"" " He said, "Forty-nine years bad luck." - [Scattered Laughter]" "[Al Laughing Loudly]" "[Silence]" "Oh, well, I guess a joke is like a lady getting out of a car:" "Sometimes you see it;" "sometimes you don't." "[Scattered Laughter]" "Huh." "Did I say something funny?" "[Man Laughs]" "I was playing Carthage, Tennessee." "You ever play Carthage, Tennessee?" "You know, where they brought back the death penalty for comedians only?" "Huh?" "Guy in a bar says to me, "I used to own this place." ""Built it up from nothing to be the brightest spot in carthage." "Do they call meJohn the bar owner?" "No, sir."" "Guy says to me, "I used to own the biggest farm in the county." ""Farmed it man and boy for 30 years." "I looked after animals." ""I looked after crops." "I employed a dozen men." ""They call meJohn the farmer?" "No, sir." ""I ran for congress." "I ran for public office." ""For ten years I sat in Washington and represented the interests of the people." ""They call meJohn the congressman?" "No, sir." "You fuck one sheep..."" "[Audience Gasps]" "[People Murmuring]" "Ha-ha-ha!" "[Uneasy Silence]" "[Loudly, With Energy] I gotta run!" "You been a lousy, fuckin' audience!" "My name's Tommy Fawkes... and I got two weeks to live!" "[One Person Clapping]" "Tommy?" "[Sighs]" "**[Blues Guitar]" "[Gull Calling]" "[Man] * Well, my mama, she didn't love me *" "* Yeah, she'd stay out all night long *" "* Oh, Lord *" "* Well, my mama didn't love me *" "* Yeah, she'd stay out all night long *" "[Retching]" "*I didn't care if she didn't love *" "*I would boogie-woogie anyhow *" "[Man] Over here!" "* When I'd work up in town people *" "*I was walkin'down Hatham Street *" "*I heard everybody talkin'about it *" " * The Henry Swain Club * - [Tourists Murmuring]" "*I decided I'd drop in there that night *" "*And when I got there I say yes, people *" " [Kid Laughing] - * You people are really havin'a ball *" "Come on." "Get it off of him." " [Kid] Hey!" " * Yes, I know *" " Get it off of him!" " Come on, man!" "*Boogie, chillen **" "We'll send somebody to find your father and your uncle." "Is there anything else you want?" "Anything we can bring you?" "Toast!" " [Airplane Engine Buzzing]" " Toast." "Over 'ere!" "'Ere!" "[Plane Droning]" "'Ere!" "Over 'ere!" "Come here!" "[Sobs]" "[Reporters Muttering]" " **[Carnival Music Nearby]" " Look, it's nothing!" "It's just a foot." "It'll blow over." "It's a one-off." "Yes." "No." "Well..." "I will." "I will." "I will!" "I resent that." "Piss off." "**[Calliope]" "Animals!" "Did you tell them outside there's no connection between that foot..." " and the man up the tower?" " Yes." "[Riders Screaming]" "**[Harmonica And Band Playing "Caravan"]" "**[Continues]" "[Door Opens]" " [Harmonica Stops] - **[Band Continues]" "Jack Parker's father?" "I am." "That's his uncle." "I'm afraid he's climbed the tower and he won't come down." "He's asked for toast." "Do you know why?" "I mean... toast?" " [Barks]" " Toast, shut up." "[Roller Coaster Rumbling]" "** [Skips]" "May I ask you... what you do?" " How do you mean?" " [Bell Dinging]" "[Riders Screaming]" "** [Continues]" "Look!" "Oh, look!" "[Tourist Laughs]" "[Recorded Spooky Laughter]" "[Laughing]" "[Gasps]" "[Screams]" " Oh, oh!" "Oh!" " [Tourists Screaming]" " Oh!" "Oh!" " Come on, Mother." "[Recorded Fun House Laughter]" "You're from the lawyers." "Broadbent, Phelps, "burger and burger"?" " Ber-ger and ber-ger, yes." " Ber-ger and ber-ger." "Yes, I'm Lawrence Berger." "You're Mr. Tarascas." " Dick Tarascas, yes." "Dick." " Shall we wait for your bags?" " No." "My bags went to Dusseldorf." " Oh, really!" "Oh, gosh." "That's unbelievably bad luck." " My check's arrived?" " Oh, yes." "It has." " My hotel's confirmed?" " Yes, indeed." "Sea view." "Let's go." "[Man] * Goin'to see my chauffeur *" "* Goin'to see my chauffeur *" "*And he was inside me **" "Is this your first time in Blackpool?" "No, I was born here." "Lived here 'til I was six." "Really?" "So you've noticed a few changes then." " **[Continues]" " What would it be?" "Thirty years?" " Mmm." " Its heyday then." "Marlene Dietrich, Sammy Davis, Jr., Frank Sinatra." "A mecca for comedians, of course." "Bob Hope." "[Imitates Tiger Purring]" "George Formby." "Ha-ha-ha." "George Fawkes." "And the sun shone every day, right?" "It seemed to." "Yes." "* Oh, I'm gonna steal me a pistol *" "*Shoot my chauffeur down *" "* Takin'a rain check now *" "* Go on and let my chauffeur *" "* Go on and let my chauffeur *" "*Drive me around *" "*Drive me around there, oh *" "*And he can be my little boy *" "* Yes, I'll see him there **" "Mr. Parker?" "Steve Campbell." " I'm a psychiatrist." " Oh, aye." " When's he coming down?" "Has he said?" " Why wasn't I told?" "Why wasn't I told it was Jack Parker?" "What about guns?" " He isn't armed." " Pardon me, Doctor, but with respect, this man is a known, bona fide maniac." "Hiya, Dad." "Hi, Uncle Thomas." "Are you all right?" "I'm gonna die!" "Gentlemen." "What I need to know now is... how far does this man go when he's pushed?" "[No Audio]" "[Speaking French]" " Ah, you must be Mrs. Parker." " I was once married to Bruno, but I'm no longer Mrs. Parker." "This is Toast." "Jack, my darling." "You can come down now." "[Barking]" "Mr. Parker." "Your brother Thomas doesn't seem to speak at all, is that right?" " He's depressed." " How long has he..." "How long has he been that depressed?" "When did he last speak?" "Twelve years ago." "I gather you're in the business yourself, Mr. Tarascas." " A comedian?" " Mmm." "Sort of." "And you're prepared to pay money... to see comedy material here in Blackpool?" " You bet." " What?" "Actual cash?" "Bingo." "I'm serious, Larry." "Everything I see, I'll pay to see." "Fifty pounds for a look." "And if I buy, that's where you step in." "I never thought of it as such a competitive business, I must say." "Well, it is." "What sort of thing do you want to see?" "Whatever is funny in Blackpool." "Old routines." "Funny routines!" " Funny people." " Jokes?" "No!" "No jokes." "I'm looking for another way." "Jokes, I've paid for." "I've paid the best writers in the states for jokes." "Trust me, it doesn't work." "Nojokes, okay?" "Funny people." "Physical comedy." "Original." "Original ideas." "Visual?" "Slapstick?" " But it may not be scripted." " Doesn't mean I can't buy it." "Look, Lawrence." "I'm gonna be Frank." "I don't have long to live." "I'm lookin' for something, and I don't know what it is." "I'm an educated man." "I like to analyze." "I'm a reasonably wealthy man." "It's something special I'm sure I'm gonna find here." "Whoever brings it to me might not even know its worth." "Whatever it is, it will be something I don't have." "Another way of looking at life." "I spent the first six years of my life here." "There should be no reason why the sun can't shine again." "I mean, why do all the best things in life... belong to the past?" "I don't know." "But it's true." "You're right." "So, no jokes." "Okay?" "Jokes I'm gonna leave to George Fawkes." "George Fawkes." "Now, he was funny." "Still is!" "Surely not." "I thought he, uh, died in Las Vegas." "No." "I died in Las Vegas." "[No Audio]" "[Gulls Crying]" "Now, Jack, I'm here to help you." "I'm going to ask you a few questions." "Unrelated." "All right?" "Where were you born?" " Blackpool." " Why Blackpool?" "'Cause I wanted to be near me mother." "Have you lived here all your life?" "Not yet." "They tell me you had no real education." "Is that right?" "Now." "Tell me." "Of this list, which do you think is the odd one out?" "House." "School." "Dog." "Cinema." "Church." " Dog. [Laughs]" " Good." "'Cause a dog wouldn't go to the cinema, would it?" "Which of these is the odd one out?" "Malice." "Jealousy." "Greed." "Envy." "And... kindness." "And." "[Droning, Humming Sound]" "[Mouthing Words]" "[Droning Continues Steadily]" "[Mouthing Words]" "[Droning Falters, Stops]" "[Lower-Pitched Droning]" "[Belches, Droning Stops]" "[Breathes Deeply]" "I want to tell the whole truth." "Very well." " I'll fetch the detective sergeant." " [Slaps Pencil Down]" "[Door Opens]" " [Door Closes]" " Jack, this is Detective Sergeant Sharkey." "[Campbell] Now, what is it you want to say?" "[Thumps Table, Echo Of Cell Door Closing]" " [Campbell]Jack?" " [Footsteps Slapping Pavement]" " [Campbell]Jack?" " [Footsteps Continue]" "[Man] *Man *" "*Slow down *" " [Chickens Clucking] - * We'll get there *" "[Footsteps Slapping In Rhythm]" "* Take your time *" "*So we'll just keep on walkin'anyway **" "[Sportscaster On Radio] We have for you tonight the one and only..." " [Jack Grunts]" " The challenger, Dancin'Joe Caccelli!" "And in the red corner, the W.B.A. Champion of the world," "Buffalo Bob Johnson." "Boxers, let's get ready to rumble!" "[Various Broadcasts Playing Simultaneously]" "[Eartha Kitt's Voice] Oh, well." "That's Turkey." "**[Middle Eastern Music]" "[Sportscaster] Yes!" "Buffalo's fierce!" "[Various Broadcasts Continue]" "[Woman] Tune into your breathing pattern and begin to watch the breath." "Breathing naturally, not forcing the breath in any way." " [Boxing Match Continues] - [Woman] As you breathe out, begin to hear yourself breathing out too." "N-N-N-N, neh, nay, nah." "More slowly." "Oooh, hah, hah, hah." "[Sportscaster] He's dangerous when he's hurt!" " [Woman] Ooh, hah, hah, hah." " [Sportscaster] Exploding at the Dancer!" " Now he's chasing him across the ring!" " [Woman] Remember:" "Breathe to your breathing rhythm." "When we breathe out, there's a natural pause at the end of the out." "Whoosh." "Before we begin to breathe in again, try to feel the pause at the end of the out." "Andjust let go before you breathe in again." "In your own breathing rhythm, breathe in naturally... and breathe out slowly." "Pause at the end." "Feel your eyelids become very heavy." "[Clocks Chiming, Ticking]" "They tried to pull a stroke, Dolly." "There was an accident." "I know he died in a bad way, but it serves the filthy frog right." "He only brought five eggs." "But you gave them all the money." "Ah." "We had no choice." "The scum threw Jack into the water." "We were trying to save 'im, not argue about a sixth egg." "There was a panic, a problem in communication." "There's no trust anymore." "One wax egg... remains unaccounted for:" "Two ounces of the ancient emperor's private store... of the plant of immortality." "That's about 20,000 pounds worth... or ten more years of my life." "You have my word." "The egg went down with that French fella." "[Gasping, Screaming]" "Help, help!" "Help!" "**[Calliope]" "I thought you said this was a one-off." "Well, it is a one-off." "The feet match." "One person." "Two feet, though." "Well... obviously!" "Everyone's got two feet." "Does anybody know anyone that hasn't got two feet?" "Yes!" "[All Laughing]" "Well, I'm sure that's all very amusing, gentlemen." "But if you'll excuse me, I've got vermin at South Shore." "[All Laughing, Jeering]" " Come on, Jim!" " Aw, Jim." "[Reporters Protesting]" "One minute to 10:00." "[People Chattering Excitedly]" "Uh, uh, ladies and gentlemen." "Look, uh, look." "Yes." "Come up gently." "[Chattering Loudly, Arguing]" "Are you gonna take us with our material... over to live in the United States?" "Because if you want to take us, we gotta go on the Q.E. II, because..." "[Together] We never fly!" "[All Chattering Loudly]" " Will you settle down, please?" "Quiet!" " We never fly!" "I only eat brown bread." "Sign it before you come through." "The terms are the same for all of you." "It's 50 pounds for a look." "And in case Mr. Tarascas wants to go any further... a price will be negotiated." "All right." " [All Arguing] - [Woman] Give me them!" "[Larry] Thank you." "A good turnout." "A good turnout." "Good work, Larry." "Let's have the first one." "Yes." "[Loud Hubbub]" "[Crowd Shouting]" "[Door Shuts]" "This is Steve." "He's come all the way from Ormskirk." "Welcome, Steve." "What do you have to show me today?" " **[Cajun Music] - [Keeping Rhythm On His Head]" "**[Continues]" "**[Musical Saw]" "* That's what I say, I say yeh, yeh *" "* That's what I say, I say * [Stops Abruptly]" "* That's what I say, I say * [Stops Hesitantly]" "* That's what I say, I say *" "[Dog] Yeh, yeh." "**[Cajun Music]" " Bonanza." " Aznanob." " Dallas." " Salad." "**[Man Singing Cajun Music In French]" "Hey, you two!" "Would you stop doing that?" "[Laughing Loudly]" "**[Cajun Singer Continues]" "[Blowing]" " That's funny." "That's funny." " Thank you." "Why didn't you laugh?" "I'm gonna have, uh, Larry here check out the patent situation... on, uh, biscuit-tin tap dancing." " We may come back to you with an offer." " Thank you." " Don't forget your biscuit tins!" " Oh, I got plenty of them." "[Sighs]" " I, um..." " What's this?" "Don't worry." "It was in the Times yesterday." "I don't think many people would have seen it." "Certainly not this lot." " [Sighs]" " So, as far as Blackpool is concerned... you're still Dick Tarascas." ""Legendary comedian George Fawkes won a standing ovation..." ""when he stepped into the breach caused by the unexplained disappearance of his son Tommy..." ""also a comedian." ""The whereabouts ofTommy Fawkes is yet to be established, and the Las Vegas police [Sighs] say..."" "[Sighs]" "That must have been awful for you." "Yeah." "You must admire your father." "He's a hell of a guy." "So, who's next?" "[All Chattering]" "[Imitating Drum Corps]" "[Jingles, Whistles]" "**["Caravan"]" "[Dishes Clattering]" "**[Guitars]" "[Patrons Chattering]" "Now, I know you will be good today... and no one knows who you are." "Now I must get ready." "Do you remember clapping for yourself, just like your father?" "[Distant Applause]" "[Patrons Chattering]" "More research, is it?" "There's goin' to be a lot of angry people in this town... when they find out what you're really doin'." " Meaning?" " Meaning 50 pounds for a look could become a keep... and we'd never know, would we?" "You've not seen the right people." "I mean, the people I'm talkin'about... turned down "the Ed Sullivan show."" "I paid to get in here." "I'm allowed to watch." " Mister... uh..." " [Club Owner] This afternoon our new talent... is keeping a little stumm about his act." "Welcome, please, the amazing Valve Radio." "[Applause, Cheers]" "Mann." "Billy Mann." "And that is not new talent." "[Woman Laughing]" "[Tuning]" " [Bell Rings] - [Sportscaster's Voice] The fight is on." "Dancin'Joe sayin', "Come on, come on!"" " [High-Pitched Voice] Why, you!" " [Bullet Ricochets]" "The Buffalo's fierce, the Buffalo's focused and definitely attempts... to psych outJoe." " * I put a spell on you * - [Audience Laughing]" " * 'Cause you're mine ** - [Radio Tuning]" "[Woman's Voice] Feel your eyelids becoming very heavy." "[Doors Shutting]" "[Man] One day I woke up and I said, "I don't want to look like this, feel like this." "This is not the way I'm gonna live my life."" " [Sportscaster] The Dancer explodes out of the corner." " Look at that!" "Real strong vibration." "**[Drum Solo]" " **[Finale] - [Audience Applauding]" "[Woman] Anybody in this room who can't do that?" "[Announcer] The Buffalo lands a hook." "A right." "An upper cut." "Exploding into Dancer!" "[Young Man] You see, having a great smile really can change your life." "[Sportscaster] A left." "A left again." "Joe is stumbling!" "* It must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that *" "[Woman] Let your hands drop by your sides." " [Sportscaster] He's unguarded and the Buffalo sees a chance." " [Thwack]" "[Boy] What?" "Where?" "When?" "How?" "Who?" "Who?" "[Sportscaster] He goes down three times!" "[Woman] Expel every drop of air from your body." "[Exhaling Sharply]" "[Sportscaster] Chippy Cortez is holding the Buffalo back whileJoe's on the floor!" " [Man] I'm not a beast!" "[Laughing] - [Audience Laughing]" "[Sportscaster] He's givin' the count!" "[Auctioneer] Out at 90, who'll go to 94?" "94, four and a half..." "[Woman] And fill your body..." "[Inhaling Deeply]" " [Sportscaster] He's up..." " [Woman] And let it out." " [Buzzing Sound] - [Sportscaster] He's down again and Chip is counting!" "[Young Man] And it's been specially requested that I do this next number for you." " [Woman] In... out..." " [Inhaling, Buzzing]" " [Woman] In... out..." " [Inhaling, Buzzing]" " [Woman] In... out..." " [Inhaling, Buzzing]" "[Sportscaster] That's it!" "The Dancer's in trouble!" "[Man] It's the man in the moon!" "[Sportscaster] He's gonna go!" "Joe leaning..." "Leaning desperately against the ropes!" "Hardly knows where he is!" "[Eartha Kitt's Voice] Uska Dara's a little town in Turkey... and in the old days many women had male secretaries." "Oh, well." "That's Turkey." "[Sportscaster] He's confused!" "I can see his wife Laura up there in the ring with him." "He doesn't even know his own wife!" " [Man] It's the man in the moon!" " [Gunshot]" "[Sportscaster] Joe's on the deck!" "[Woman] Feel your breath go out, and pause." "[Applause Continues]" "Bring him back!" "He's brilliant!" "[Club Owner] I would never have let him if I'd known who he was." "I have to say, I wasn't that surprised when the detective here told me." "I mean, to be that good, he had to be somebody." "I mean, he is good." "Jack." "Out of trouble means out of sight." "All right?" "Vanish..." "or we'll make you vanish." "**[Piano]" "[Audience Applauding]" "This is your lucky day." "**[Piano Continues]" "* I suppose it's just a sentimental *" "* Continental point of view *" "* But when out with English gentlemen *" "* What mental torment I go through *" "*Exercising fascinations *" "* 'Til at last I lose my patience *" "* For it's hard to understand *" "* That in your peculiar land *" "* Englishmen never make love by day *" " [Audience Laughing] - *It can't be helped *" "*It's just their way *" "*It isn't good form to be warm *" "*In the heat of the sun *" "* You mustn't nestle or gaze too much *" "* You mustn't whisper *" "* Or even touch *" "* You mustn't reveal *" "* What you feel *" "* While you're missing the fun *" "* You mustn't say darling *" "* You mustn't hold hands *" "* Or give him a hint he might *" "* You mustjust sit and talk about *" " * Cricket and glands * - [Audience Laughing]" "* With no one at all in sight *" "*But never despair as you waste away *" "*For in spite of your plight and your deep dismay *" "* Though Englishmen never make love by day *" "*At night... * [Chuckles]" " * They're quite all right * - [Audience Laughing, Applauding]" "* Englishmen wait for the clock to chime *" "* They think it a sin to begin *" "* In the afternoon *" "*No matter how fond they feel of you *" "* They won't say so if the skies are blue *" "*It isn't the thing in the spring *" "* Or theJune-iestJune *" "* You can hear the thud of their Saxon blood *" "*As they sit there all polite *" "*Like a block of wood or a stick in the mud *" "*Saying, "is that so"*" "*And, "quite"*" "*Just why it should be *" "*It is hard to say *" "* They know that we know that they know the way *" "*But though Englishmen never make love by day *" "* At night *" " * They're quite all right ** - [Audience Applauding]" "**[Piano]" "**[Ends]" "Come on." "Whoo!" "It's a good house." "I need a drink." "That was very exciting." "L-I used to represent this bombshell." "Mind you, I used to represent all this lot when it was worth it." "Uh, Mr. Tarascas, this is Bruno, Thomas and Jack Parker... funniest people Blackpool ever saw." "And this is Bruno's ex, Katie." "I know you." "I'm honored to meet you." "Billy has proposed we get together, :" "I'd like to see some of your material." "You see, boys, Mr. Tarascas is buying material." "I'll explain all this properly to you." "And paying very good money for it too, aren't you?" "Well, only if I decide that I'm..." "Well, yeah, sure." "For instance, Jack, I'm gonna make you a big offer for that tape." "The tape is fabulous." "[Clears Throat Sharply]" "Is there a problem?" "Is there something un-British about what I just said?" "You don't need the money!" "[Wheezes]" "[Spits, Laughs]" "Mr. Tarascas is a comedian too, I believe." "Very funny, very funny." "Boys, I think you're gonna need my help on this." " It could certainly be worthwhile." " [Tommy] Great." "Where can I catch your act?" "We-We haven't done it for 12 years." "**[Accordion]" "Yoo-hoo!" "Boys!" "You want a bit of this?" "[Laughing]" "** [Singing "La Mer" In French]" "** [Continues]" "Two big ones, one little one, thank you." " Thank you." " Thank you." " [Man Cackling]" " Three big... [Screaming]" " [Cackling Continues]" " Please!" "What are you gonna do with me?" "Please!" " I wanna get off!" " Hey!" "[Recorded Funhouse Laughter]" "[Laughter Continues]" " [Growling] - [Laughter Continues]" "Voulez-vous la fermer?" "[Screams]" "[All Screaming]" "[Screaming Continues]" "Where I've made a cross." "One thousand pounds for a look, :" "The rest, if I buy." "May I?" "Bruno was my husband." "I know the act very well." "I also understand something about contracts." "[Tommy] Sure." "Bruno, Thomas." "Bruno, look at me." "Thomas, look at me." "We really need the money, Katie." "Don't sign." "There's something in this you don't like." "Yes." "Bruno, look at page four where it says "6A."" "That's what they call a "quitclaim."" "What's that mean?" "Bruno, I know you need the money." "But you haven't understood." "A "quitclaim" means that this man and only this man can do your act." "And us." "If ever we get another chance." "No, boys!" "What you're doing is you're signing away your right to perform your act." "This act that you took 20 years in perfecting." "You'll never be able to do it again, ever." "For God's sake, woman, haven't you grasped the point?" "They're never going to work again." "You understood this?" "You bastard." "You don't have a very high opinion of me, do you?" "Oh, God, now the man's insulted." "I'm very sorry." "But these are the people who are being insulted here." "How do we know that you won't make such a bloody cock-up of this act... that it will never be seen again in the history of the world?" "How do we know?" "Are you a funny man, Mr. Tarascas?" "How funny are you?" "This is all beside the point." "Either they want to trade or they don't." " Nobody's forcing them." " Hmph." "You're just a rich, spoiled brat." "You don't even have the simple humanity... to see that this isn't just buying a few jokes." "This is buying their lives!" "[Sighs] C'est monstrueux!" "And what's more, it is absurd." "[Slams Hand On Table]" "[Breathing Hard]" "I assure you, I have no desire to buy these gentlemen's lives." "I respect your concern, Mrs. Whatever-Your-Name-Is." "But frankly, this kind of hysterical talk grates on me." "Do we have a deal or don't we?" "If it's not too much to ask, may I now please see what I just risked 5,000 pounds on?" "Risked?" "[Scoffs]" "What first?" "Looks like a restaurant sketch." "You've never seen it done like this." "There's stuff in it nobody else ever attempted." " Nobody else could touch 'em." " Good." "That's what I want." "** [Piano]" "[Clattering]" "[Laughing]" "**[Continues]" "Stop." "Tell 'em to stop." "Eh, stop, lads." "**[Stops]" "Let me see something else." "** [Piano]" "[Ladder, Sawhorses Clattering]" "[Lawrence Laughing]" "Stop!" "Got a routine with a comedy cabin and a dead fish." "I don't want to see it." "Not today, thank you." "Boy, oh, boy." "Can you beat this?" "It's all right." "He's probably just lost for words." "Uh, look, it wasn't part of the deal... but if you ask nicely, Jack and the boys might do the "beating each other up" sketch." " That never fails." "It'll kill ya!" " No!" "I don't want to see any more from them, and I don't feel like being nice." " What the hell's the problem?" " "What the hell's the problem?"" "I'll tell you what the problem is:" "The problem is I've seen all this stuff!" "The problem is, the act does not even belong to them." "Who the hell does it belong to then?" "Don't you tell me you don't know where you got this act!" "Okay, you thought you had a sucker." "Taking me for a sucker is one thing." "Trying to sucker my father, that's quite a different matter." "When George Fawkes fids out that you have been passing off his old act as your own..." " Georgie Fawkes?" " George is your father?" " He is." " You're little Tommy?" "I am." "And I'll tell you who's angry in this town, Mr. Mann." "I am!" "[Mann] What about their thousand pounds?" "I'll tell you who should be paying money for this material:" "They should!" "With 30 years interest!" "You'll be hearing from my lawyers!" "Mr. Berger, you can reach me at my office." "[Door Shuts]" "Well, actually, even if it's true, passing off isn't a U.K. Offense." "What do you mean, "Even if it's true"?" "And I'm afraid, by the terms of our contract, you owe them a thousand pounds." "Pay 'em!" "Go ahead!" "Pay 'em the whole amount:" "5,000 pounds!" " What are you saying?" " [Tommy] Lawrence, it was their material first." "I can't believe it wasn't." "Those guys couldn't tell a lie to save their lives." "Oh, God, tell 'em I'm sorry I got angry with them." "It's not them I'm angry at." "My father stole material." "Gosh!" "I see!" "[Wheezing Laugh]" " [Sighs] - [Door Closes]" "[Sea Gull Calling]" "I had a little red car." "Yes." "And you drove it into everything." "Did the sun shine every day?" "No." "You were just a little boy." "You were six when you left." "But we were happy, right?" "Why did we all leave in such a hurry?" "Why did we never see you again?" "[Chuckles]" "Oh, yes, it was a special time." "We-We worked together, we laughed together." "We lived together." "Something was bound to happen." "Then it was time for you to go." "Your father took his little boy, his lovely wife... and an act that didn't belong to him." "And we never heard from him again." " He left us with nothing." " [Rattling]" "[Rattling Continues]" "S-Sorry, I..." "Well, not quite nothing." "[Guffaws, Snorts]" "What do you mean?" " Why are you laughing?" " Well, you two are so opposite." "Half brothers." "[Chuckling]" "Oh, my God, it's so funny." "Oh, Tommy, what did you expect to find?" "[Applause]" " [Audience Laughing] - [Man's Voice On Tape] * Be my love *" "* For no one else can end *" "* This yearning *" "* This need that you and you alone *" " * Create * - [Audience Laughing]" "*Just fill my arms *" " * The way you fill my... ** - [Laughing Continues]" " **[Band] - [Laughing Continues]" "[Laughing]" "[Laughing Continues]" "[Audience Applauding]" "Tommy!" "Oh, Tommy!" "Your father is worried to death." "He's in the pool." "Hold on." "Hold on." "Wait a minute." "Hold on." "Don't go away." "George!" "Don't tell Dad I called, Mom." "I wanna tell him everything in my own way." "Okay?" "Mom?" "George." "Quick!" "It's Tommy." "He's on the phone." "Come on." "Forget the shoes." "Come on!" "Let's go." "Let's go!" " Okay, I am hurrying." "I'm hurrying." " Hurry up!" " Martha, hold that, please." " [Vacuum Stops]" "Hello, Tommy." "You were great!" "They were bastards." "Did they come to laugh or be embalmed?" "[Chuckles] Your mom thinks you went to Hawaii." "I think you're with that snake woman in Malibu." "Am I right?" "Listen, don't feel you have to tell us where you are." "I feel I should tell you where I am." " You don't have to tell us where." " I want to tell you where I am." "Okay, where are you?" "[Tommy] I'm in Blackpool." " You're where?" " Where is he?" "[Beeping]" "[Coin Drops]" "That's right." "I'm in Blackpool." "Listen, Dad." "I know everything." "What's he saying?" "What's he saying?" "Oh, God!" "It's not a breakdown, is it?" "Quiet." "Quiet!" "I'm trying to listen." "I can't hear him." "All right." "How did you find them?" "They found me." "I'm coming over." " Please, don't come over." " [George] I'm coming over." " Dad, it would really be better for me at this point in time..." " [Beeping]" "Tommy!" "Don't do it, Dad." "Please, don't do it." "Tommy." " I lost him." " Oh." "Where you going?" "[Sighs]" "[Distant Thunder]" "Do I get any kind of explanation?" "Look, Jack." "I want to spend time with you, you know." "I think we can help each other." "Show me whatever you want." "Take me to the edge." "I'm not afraid to learn." "You see..." "I don't have long left." "Your mother says I should leave you alone, but... you can't shock me." "I want you to know that." "[Door Creaking]" " [Thunder] - [Sign Squeaking]" "[Wolf Howling]" "[Howling Continues]" "[Breaking]" "[Glass Breaking]" "[Keys Jangling]" "[Wolf Howling]" "[Gasps]" "[Crashing]" "[Exhales, Winces]" " [Exhales] - [Door Opens]" "[Grunts]" "[Whispers] Jack!" "[Grunts]" "[Laughs]" "[Body Thuds]" "[Thunder Continues]" "[Screams]" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Ooh!" "[Cat Screeching]" "Ah." "Silly thing." "[Laughs]" "[Tapping]" "[Tapping]" "[Breathing Heavily]" " Aaah!" " Aaah!" "[Both Screaming]" "That's all?" "Poor Marcel." "He was a real buddy." "I've known him since we were in the army together." "You were in the army?" "I didn't know that." "What regiment might that be?" "**[Big Band]" "Here you go." "[Ape-Like Grunting]" "That hurt." "That hurt." "That really hurt." "It shouldn't hurt." " That's a straight nap." " But you didn't pull your punch." "That's right." "A pulled punch is called a nap." "Then why the hell not give me a nap?" "'Cause you can't pull your punches." "Not if you want big laughs, can ya?" "But, Jack, we're rehearsing." "You'll kill me." " All right." "I'll show you another way." " Good." "Good." "Wait, wait, wait, wait!" "I've had it with the slaps." "It won't 'urt." "Honest." "Don't flinch, or I won't 'it ya." "[Grunts]" "Didn't hurt." "Now what?" "It's up your sleeve all the time." "Look." "The audience think it's in the newspaper... but you keep it up your sleeve." "Let it out through the newspaper." "That's neat." "That's really neat." "You see this?" "You stole two feet?" "You know, there's a part of you guys that's always stayed with me." "Yeah, the act." "[Sighs] What's he like?" "I believe he's greater... funnier... than any of us." "It's like... if we'd all wanted to have the funniest child..." " at the expense of everything else, - [Audience Laughing]" "And our prayers were answered..." " [Laughing Continues]" " Too loudly." "You know, you've heard people say they've had their love child." "Yes, in the '60s." "Go on." "Well, I know you and Katie were in love and all that." "Look, I don't mind." "Honest, I don't." "But it's like he's a "laugh" child." "And we've all paid for it." "[Bruno's Voice] Shall I pull him back up?" " Shall I?" " [Spits]" " [Audience Laughing]" " Shall I?" "Ahhh!" "[Bruno] After the accident... they told us to plead that he was maladjusted... to put him in a home." "[Laughing]" "Let me out!" "The comedy of the magnificent shambles." "Huh?" "Oh, yeah." "Purposeful." "Intentional chaos." "If it isn't funny, you die a double death, right?" "Right?" "Isn't that right?" "Okay, let's start." "I never saw anything funny... that wasn't terrible, didn't cause pain." "Jack believed that more than any of us." "[Bruno] He saw things he shouldn't have seen." "[Audience Laughing]" "It wasn't Katie's fault." "Francesco used to bait him with it." "[Laughing Continues]" "[Laughing Continues]" "[Laughing Continues]" "No-o-o-o!" "[Faint Laughter]" "[Metal Falls On Ground]" "[Irregular Breathing]" "Why'd you stop?" "Why'd you stop?" "[Sighs]" "[Breathing Heavily]" " [Tommy] Did they laugh?" " [George] Did who laugh?" "In Vegas." "The people that didn't laugh at me." "They laugh at you when you took over the spot?" " Oh, you know about that." "I wasn't gonna tell ya." " Did they laugh?" "You know the one they liked the best?" "The joke I bought from Sammy Feingold two days before his triple bypass." "Or was it three days before his double bypass?" "[Guffaws] Makes no difference." "The joke always works." " It's wartime France, right?" " I don't want to hear it." "And there's a dogfight going on between the French and the Germans... and right in the middle of it is Francois the fighter pilot." "Dad, I don't want to hear it." "He takes a direct hit." "His plane catches on fire and crashes in a cornfield." "Dad." "Stop!" "Please, stop." "I'm asking you to stop." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "And this girl comes running out of the farmhouse... and pulls his almost lifeless body from the blazing fuselage." " She fially nurses him back to health." " I don't want to hear it, Dad." " And he decides..." "Tommy." "Tommy, listen." " I don't want to hear it." "This is a terrific joke." "He decides to take her on a picnic to show her his gratitude." " She saved his life, right?" "Dad, I don't want to hear any more funny stories!" "Why are you so angry?" "I'm angry 'cause the King of Originality stole the act that made his name." "I'm angry because Mr. Generosity is a thief and a liar." "I'm angry because now I know why my mother is the way she is." "And I'm angry because the Parkers brought up your son, not their son, and lost everything." "And I'm angry because for 30 years..." "I had this memory of sunshine... and golden smiling people that we left behind, and now I know it wasn't all sunshine and smiles for them." "We left 'em a lifetime of pain." "Tommy." "Hear me?" "Tommy." "I've got to tell you what happened, happened because of love." "We left because Katie got pregnant." "We both thought it was the best thing to do." "I'd have gotten in touch, but I thought I'd done enough damage already." "Why'd ya steal their whole act?" "'Cause you're doing 'em such a big favor because you love 'em so much?" "No, I took the act because I wanted a new act no one had seen in the states." "I was ambitious." "Is that a crime?" "Did you never steal material, son?" "I knew their act." "It was a way in for me." "Just a way in." "I did that a couple of years, and then I became a joke man. [Chuckles]" "But let me tell you something straight, Tommy... about what kills me!" "It kills me that I got lazy using writers, not using me." "We were funny people." "We didn't have to tell funny stories." "We were funny." "We had funny bones." "And the thing that kills me the most is watching my own son flop... time after time." "What kills me is however much I spent on writers and coaches... it hasn't worked for you, Tommy." "Goddamn it!" "It's like you're too educated to be funny!" "All this analysis." "I did that!" "Tommy, I think there are two types of comedians." "There's a funny bones comedian and a nonfunny bones comedian." "They're both funny." "One is funny." "The other tells funny." "And, Tommy..." "[Sighs] It's time you knew..." "And this kills me the most..." "But you're neither." "You're not funny." "Know it now." "They're not gonna stand and cheer for you... no matter what you do." "You fix it for the Parkers to perform again?" "For the brothers, yeah." "Not the boy." " I'm trying to make it up to them as much as I can." " Why not the boy?" "Because, damn it, he killed a guy." "A boxer kills a guy in a ring, and he maybe gets another fight." "A clown kills a guy in a ring, you have to admit that's bad box office." "He's not like that." "He's not crazy." "And for God's sake, he's your son!" "I'm sorry." "Even almighty God couldn't swing that one." "But the brothers are taken care of." "They're topping the bill." "They happy?" "[Man Singing On Record] * Yeah, right *" "*Man, like 60 *" "**[Continues]" "*I've been diggin'my... **" "Can't work anywhere anyway." "Policemen won't let me." "Jack, my darling... this man, Sharkey, this horrible policeman..." "I will use all my power to make him disappear forever." "I promise." "[Clears Throat]" "[Continues Clearing Throat]" "Jack." "Our suffering is... is special." "The pain we feel... is worse than anyone else." "But the sunrise we see... is more beautiful than anyone else." "Uh, the Parkers, uh, is, uh, like the moon." "There's one side forever dark, invisible, as it should be, ah?" "But remember:" "The dark moon draws the tides also." "Our time has come." "That's the most wonderful thing you've said in years." "Heh-heh." "That's the only thing I said in years." "[Jim] And so it is... that Blackpool welcomes back..." "George Fawkes." "[Cheering]" "George." "George." "Uh, by the way, when the time comes..." " [Clicks] - [Explosion]" "[Crowd Cheering, Applauding]" "I love this town." "[Crowd] Oh!" "[Cheering Continues]" "[Elephant Trumpets]" "Have you clapped for yourself yet?" "No." "Let's hope we're not the only ones who do." "[Sniffs] Mmm." "Feels better." "You're right." "It does." "[Sniffing]" "**[Drumroll]" "[Crowd Gasps]" " [Cymbals Crash] - [Awestruck Gasps]" " [Drumroll, Cymbals Continue] - [Gasps Continue]" "Jack." "Jesus Christ!" "[Clapping Hands]" "Wait a minute." "You in the circus?" "Are you a policeman?" "Same answer." "Sometimes." "Are you French?" "You smell French." "You smell like a toilet." "Look at you." "What happened?" "Bill." "Richard." "Find Jack Parker." "Who are you?" "I am Cleopatra, Queen of all Egypt, and Goddess of Love." " What's wrong with your trousers?" " Never mind about that." "Find Jack Parker now." "I've called in some more men." "I don't like it." "I've seen... faces:" "Cleopatra... slaves." "Like how do you mean?" "I don't know, but it's all gettin' a bit French... and I don't like it." " **[Ravel's "Bolero"] - [Audience Cheering, Applauding]" "[Audience Gasps]" "He, whose invisible perfume... will carry as swift as fear... shall my asp fid... and take with me to my grave." "And I, breathless." "Power breathe forth!" "**["Bolero"Continues]" "What happened to your trousers?" "It's nothing." "Oh!" "Me?" "**["Bolero"Continues]" "[Music Ends]" "[Audience Whistling, Cheering]" "[Woman] Best of luck, boys." "We miss them." "We welcome them back." "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... the Parker brothers!" "[Cheers, Applause]" "Everything all right, boys?" " Great!" " Great!" "It's talcum powder." "Get out of it!" "[Muffled Yelling]" "Vive la resistance!" "[Muffled Grumbling]" "[Audience Laughing]" "[Cymbal Crashes]" "[Laughing Continues]" "[Audience Applauding]" "You okay?" "[Sighs]" "[Sirens Blaring]" "We got a call from Sharkey." "No one knows where he is." "Come on." " Who's doing the sway pole?" " I don't know." "Fill in." "Give us five minutes." "I'll be back." "Boys, boys." "Your sway pole's ready." "[Laughing]" "The finale!" "** [Cymbals Crash]" "** [Cymbals Clanging]" "[Audience] Ohhh!" "[Audience Cheering, Whistling]" "[Audience Cheers]" "Climb the lamppost." "[Audience] Climb the lamppost!" "[Cheering]" "[Audience] Whoa!" "[Audience Yells, Screams]" "[Audience] Whoa!" "[Audience Screams, Cheers]" "[Audience] Whoa!" "[Audience Cheers]" "[Audience] Whoa!" "[Clanging]" "[Clanging Continues]" "[Audience Screams]" "[Audience Yells]" "[Audience Booing]" "[Audience] Go." "Go." "Go." "Go." "[Audience Cheering, Whistling]" "[Audience Booing]" "[Audience] Ohh!" "Ohh!" "[Audience Gasps]" "[Audience Laughing]" "[Woman Screams]" "[Audience Screaming]" "[Audience Cheering, Applauding]" " [Yelling] - [Screaming]" "Tommy!" "What?" "They're beginning to like ya!"