"[ People Chattering ] [ Inhales, Exhales ]" "[ Crushes Cigarette ]" "[ Sighs ]" "[ Piano ]" "[ Continues ]" "HEY, LADY" "YOU, LADY CURSING AT YOUR LIFE" "YOU'RE A DISCONTENTED MOTHER" "AND A REGIMENTED WIFE" "I'VE NO DOUBT YOU DREAM ABOUT" "THE THINGS YOU'LL NEVER DO" "BUT I WISH SOMEONE HAD TALKED TO ME" "LIKE I WANT TO TALK TO YOU" "OOH, I'VE BEEN TO GEORGIA AND CALIFORNIA" "AND ANYWHERE I COULD RUN" "TOOK THE HAND OF A PREACHER MAN" "AND WE MADE LOVE IN THE SUN" "BUT I RAN OUT OF PLACES AND FRIENDLY FACES" "BECAUSE I HAD TO BE FREE" "I'VE BEEN TO PARADISE" "BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ME" "PLEASE, LADY PLEASE, LADY" "DON'T JUST WALK AWAY" "'CAUSE I HAVE THIS NEED TO TELL YOU" "WHY I'M ALL ALONE TODAY" "I CAN SEE SO MUCH OF ME" "STILL LIVING IN YOUR EYES" "WON'T YOU SHARE A PART OF A WEARY HEART [ Doll Squeaks ]" "THAT HAS LIVED A MILLION LIES" "OH, I'VE BEEN TO NICE AND THE ISLE OF GREECE" "WHILE I SIPPED CHAMPAGNE ON A YACHT" "I MOVED LIKE HARLOW IN MONTE CARLO" "AND SHOWED 'EM WHAT I'VE GOT" "I'VE BEEN UNDRESSED BY KINGS AND I'VE SEEN SOME THINGS" "THAT A WOMAN AIN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE" "I'VE BEEN" "TO PARADISE" "BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN" "TO ME" "OOH-OOH" "I'VE BEEN TO PARADISE" "[ Crowd Cheering ] MORE !" "MORE !" "MORE !" "GOD !" "LEGS !" "PUT IT AWAY, SWEETIE!" "[ Groans ]" "[ Gasps ] [ Crowd Laughing ]" "ARE YOU OKAY ?" "YEAH." "[ Laughing, Cheering Continue ]" "OH, THAT WAS FUCKING CHARMING, YOU GUTLESS PACK OF DICKHEADS." "FUCK OFF, YOU TALENTLESS DOG!" "WHAT WAS THAT ?" "SHOW US YOUR PINK BITS !" "NO, I DON'T THINK I WILL." "DO YOU KNOW WHY THIS MICROPHONE HAS A LONG CORD?" "WHY ?" "SO IT'S EASILY RETRIEVED AFTER I'VE SHOVED IT UPYOURASS." "[ Crowd Cheering ]" "[ Indistinct Chattering ]" "[ Chattering Continues ]" "[ Man ] CHRIST ALMIGHTY !" "WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON OUT THERE TONIGHT ?" "ARE YOU HURT ?" "ALL RIGHT, WHICH ONE OF YOU BITCHES SHAT ON MY DRESS ?" "TICK, DARLING, IT'S FOR YOU." "HELLO ?" "[ Woman ] DING DONG." "AVON CALLING." "HOWDY, SUNSHINE." "LONG TIME, NO HEAR." "WHERE ?" "EMERGENCY WARD "A."" "[ Gasps ] MR. BELROSE ?" "YES ?" "[ Woman ] SO..." "HOW ABOUT IT ?" "[ People Arguing ]" "[ Man Yells ] FUCK OFF !" "BITCH !" "[ Girl ] GET OFF HIM !" "[ Man ] TAXI !" "TAXI !" "[ Phone Ringing ]" "YEAH ?" "BERNADETTE, IT'S TICK." "SORRY TO CALL YOU SO LATE, BUT I" "HEY, ARE YOU OKAY ?" "NO, I'M NOT." "WH-WHAT'S THE MATTER ?" "TRUMPET JUST DIED." "[ Clergyman Speaking, Indistinct ]" ""THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD." "I SHALL NOT WANT." ""HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES." ""HE LEADETH ME BESIDE THE STILL WATERS." "HE RESTORETH MY SOUL." ""HE LEADETH ME IN THE PATHS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS FOR HIS NAMESAKE." ""YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH," ""I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, FOR THOU ART WITH ME." ""THY ROD AND THY STAFF, THEY COMFORT ME." ""THOU PREPAREST A TABLE BEFORE ME..." ""IN THE PRESENCE OF MINE ENEMIES." ""THOU ANOINTEST MY HEAD WITH OIL." "MY CUP RUNNETH OVER." ""SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY SHALL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE," "AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER."" "IT'S NOT FAIR." "I'VE SPENT HALF MY LIFE AND ALL MY SAVINGS..." "TRYING TO SNAG A SYMPATHETIC HUSBAND." "THE SELFISH LITTLE SHIT GOES AND DIES ON ME." "TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, AND HE SLIPS OVER IN A BATHROOM." "HE DIDN'T SLIP." "HE WAS PEROXIDING HIS HAIR AT HOME AGAIN," "AND HE ASPHYXIATED ON THE FUMES." "I'VE GOT TO GET SOME SPACE." "I'VE BEEN ASKED TO DO A SHOW OUT OF TOWN." "THAT'S NICE." "COME WITH ME." "I'LL NEED SOME HELP, AND WE COULD BOTH USE THE BREAK." "YOU'RE NOT WRONG." "WHERE IS IT ?" "ALICE SPRINGS." "YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING JOKING." "WO-MAN IS A UNIQUE RANGE..." "OF SPECIALITY FACIAL PRODUCTS..." "DESIGNED FOR THE MORE..." "HEAVY-DUTY WOMAN IN US ALL." "NOW, UM..." "THIS WEEK-- -[ Phone Rings ]" "EXCUSE ME." "[ Tick Over Phone ] UH, HELLO ?" "HOW LONG IS THE RUN ?" "FOUR WEEKS." "EQUITY MINIMUM, TWO SHOWS A NIGHT, ACCOMMODATION INCLUDED." "[ Sighs ]" "I CAN'T JUST SIT AROUND HERE CRYING ALL THE TIME." "JESUS, MY MASCARA KEEPS RUNNING." "I LOOK LIKE A RACCOON." "[ Tick Laughing ] GOOD GIRL." "THAT'S THE SPIRIT." "HERE'S HOPING THE DESERT'S BIG ENOUGH FOR THE TWO OF US." "UH, THREE OF US." "A DESERT HOLIDAY LET'S PACK THE DRAG AWAY" "YOU TAKE THE LUNCH AND TEA I'LL TAKE THE ECSTASY" "FUCK OFF, YOU SILLY QUEER I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE d A DESERT HOLIDAY HIP, HIP, HIP, HIP, HOORAY d" " WHY ?" " WHY NOT ?" "LOOK, HE'S TURNED INTO A BLOODY GOOD LITTLE PERFORMER." "[ Bernadette ] THAT'S RIGHT." "A BLOODY GOOD PERFORMER:" "24 HOURS A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK" "I THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING AWAY FROM ALL THIS SHIT." "TWO'S COMPANY, THREE'S A PARTY, BERNADETTE, MY SWEET." "WE'RE UNPLUGGING OUR CURLING WANDS..." "AND GOING BUSH, FELICIA." "WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE ALL THIS GLAMOUR..." "FOR A HIKE INTO NOWHERE ?" " YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW ?" " DESPERATELY." "WELL, EVER SINCE I WAS A LAD, I'VE HAD THIS DREAM;" "A DREAM THAT I NOW, FINALLY," "HAVE A CHANCE TO FULFILL." "AND THAT IS ?" "TO TRAVEL TO THE CENTER OF AUSTRALIA," "CLIMB KING'S CANYON, AS A QUEEN," "IN A FULL-LENGTH GAULTIER SEQUIN, HEELS AND A TIARA." "GREAT." "THAT'S JUST WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS:" "A COCK IN A FROCK ON A ROCK." "GET BACK IN YOUR KENNELS, BOTH OF YOU." "NOW, THE FIRST THING WE HAVE TO WORK OUT..." "IS HOW THE HELL WE'RE GONNA GET THERE." "[ Brakes Squeaking, Engine Chugging ]" "[ Turns Off Engine ] [ Brakes Hiss ]" "[ Sets Brake ]" "TA-DA !" "WHAT DO YOU THINK ?" "[ Bernadette ] WHEN DO WE HAVE TO RETURN IT TO THE SCHOOL ?" "WE DON'T." "WE OWN HER." "WHAT ?" "I MET SOME NICE SWEDISH TOURISTS..." "CALLED LARS, LARS AND LARS." "I COAXED IT OUT OF THEM FOR 10,000 BUCKS." "WE CAN'T AFFORD IT." "THAT'S RIGHT." ""MUMMY, MAYBE A TRIP TO THE OUTBACK..." ""WOULD HELP ME GET OVER THIS PHASE I'M GOING THROUGH." "YOU NEVER KNOW." "I MIGHT MEET SOME LOVELY COUNTRY GIRL."" "I HEREBY CHRISTEN THIS BUDGET BARBIE CAMPER..." "PRISCILLA, QUEEN OF THE DESERT." "THAT'S GOT TO BE THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY." "WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL" "YEAH" "YEAH" "TOGETHER WE WILL GO OUR WAY" "TOGETHER WE WILL LEAVE SOMEDAY" "TOGETHER MOM" "YOUR HAND IN MY HAND" "TOGETHER WE WILL MAKE THE PLANS" "[ Announcer Over P.A. ] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," "WE'RE HERE TODAY TO SEE OFF A VERY BRAVE WOMAN," "WHO WILL ATTEMPT TO CROSS THE CONTINENT ALONE." "ON BEHALF OF ALL OUR SPONSORS-- [ Laughing, Cheering ]" "TOGETHER THIS IS WHAT WE'LL DO" "GO WEST LIFE IS PEACEFUL THERE" "GO WEST [ Crowd Cheering ]" "LOTS OF OPEN AIR GO WEST BYE." "TO BEGIN ANEW" "LADIES..." "START YOUR ENGINE." " [ Revs Engine ]" " GO WEST SAILING WITH THE TIDE" "GO WEST WE WILL DO JUST FINE" "GO WEST WHERE THE SKIES ARE BLUE" "GO WEST THIS AND MORE WE'LL DO" "TOGETHER WE WILL LOVE THE BEACH" "TOGETHER WE WILL LEARN AND TEACH" "TOGETHER CHANGE OUR PACE OF LIFE" "TOGETHER WE WILL WORK AND STRIVE" "THIS OLD MAN, HE PLAYED TWO HE PLAYED KNICK-KNACK WITH MY POO" "WITH A KNICK-KNACK PATTY-WHAC GIVE A DOG A BONE OH, PLEASE." "GIVE ME A BREAK." "THIS OLD MAN HE PLAYED THREE" "FOUR FAT TRANNIES WORKING ON THE WALL d AND IF ONE FAT TRANNIE SHOULD ACCIDENTALLY FALL-- d" "OH, MY DARLING CLEMENTINE" "[ Humming ]" "[ Sighs ]" "HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN ON THE ROAD ?" "FOUR AND A HALF HOURS." "[ Groans ] I'VE GOT A SPLITTING HEADACHE ALREADY." "[ Tick Continues Humming ]" "HAPPY HOUR." " MOTHER'S RUINPOUR MOI d d" " LONG ISLAND TEA" "AND A STOLI AND TONIC FOR ME" "[ Felicia Laughing ] THOSE STUPID COWS." "[ Tick ] LISTEN TO THIS ONE." "AFTER WE DID THE ABBA SHOW, KEVIN HAD ONE OF THOSE LIPOSUCTION PENIS ENLARGEMENTS." "HE DIDN'T." "[ Tick ] YEP." "YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO ?" "THEY SIPHON FAT OUT OF YOUR LOVE-HANDLES..." "AND ACTUALLY INJECT IT INTO YOUR WING WANG." "[ Groans ] YUCKY !" "I SUPPOSE IT GIVES A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO CRACKING A FAT !" "[ Laughing ]" "OH, LISTEN TO YOURSELVES." "YOU SOUND LIKE TWO FAT SLAGS AT A PIE BAKE-OFF." "YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THE CONVERSATION..." "HASN'T EXACTLY MADE HEADLINES, BERNICE." "GEE, POOR KEVIN'S DICK." "THERE CAN'T BE MUCH ROOM DOWN THERE WITH HIS BRAIN TAKING UP SO MUCH SPACE ALREADY." "NO, I'LL JOIN THIS CONVERSATION..." "ON THE PROVISO WE STOP BITCHING ABOUT PEOPLE," "TALKING ABOUT WIGS, DRESSES, BUST SIZES," "PENISES, DRUGS, NIGHT CLUBS AND BLOODY ABBA !" "DOESN'T GIVE US MUCH TO TALK ABOUT THEN, DOES IT ?" " [ Grinds Gears ]" " HEY, CAN YOU CONFIRM A RUMOR FOR ME ?" "IS IT TRUE HER REAL NAME'S RALPH ?" "SHH !" "HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR LITTLE BOYS, GIRLS ?" "YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO." "[ Bernadette ] OH, MY GOD." "WHAT IS THIS, OUTBACK WITH BENNY HILL ?" "JUST LEAVE MINE OUTSIDE THE DOOR AT 8:00 A.M...." "ALONG WITH AN ORANGE JUICE AND TOAST, PLEASE." "WHY, CERTAINLY, MADAM." "AND WOULD YOU LIKE VEGEMITE OR JAM WITH THAT ?" "KNOCK, KNOCK." "ROOM SERVICE." "[ Bernadette ] CAN'T YOU READ THE SIGN ?" ""DO NOT DISTURB."" "COME BACK IN THE MORNING." "HA, HA, GIRLS." "OPEN THE DOOR." "GOOD NIGHT, BERNICE." "GOOD NIGHT, MITZI." "OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR !" "[ Pretend Snoring ]" "[ Throws Down Plate ] OKAY, IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR..." "I'M GONNA SING." "FINE." "YOU ASKED FOR IT." "I DON'T CARE IF THE SUN DON'T SHINE" "I GET MY LOVIN' IN THE EVENIN' TIME" "WHEN I'M WITH MY BABY" "IT'S NO FUN WHEN THE SUN'S AROUND" "BECAUSE I GET GOING WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN" "AND I MEET MY BABY [ Pounds On Bus ]" "THAT'S WHEN WE KISS AND KISS AND KISS" "AND THEN WE KISS SOME MORE" "DON'T ASK HOW MANY TIMES" "[ Bernadette ] GOOD NIGHT, JOHN-BOY." "[ Screams ]" "[ Felicia ] I'M SERIOUSLY FALLING ASLEEP." "IT'S YOUR SHIFT, AND YOU'RE GONNA STICK TO IT." "SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR STAYING OUT ALL NIGHT..." "SLUT." "I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT." "I DON'T CARE IF THE SUN DON'T SHINE" "[ Felicia ] OH, FUCK OFF, GRANDMA." " YOU ALL RIGHT ?" " ME ?" "YEAH, I'M FINE." "I'M JUST THINKING." "BILLY, DON'T BE A HERO DON'T BE A FOOL WITH YOUR LIFE" "BILLY, DON'T BE A HERO" "COME BACK AND MAKE ME YOUR WIFE" "AND AS BILLY STARTED TO GO" "SHE SAID KEEP YOUR PRETTY HEAD LOW" "BILLY, DON'T BE A HERO" "COME BACK TO ME" "SORRY." "SHIT !" "WHAT IS IT ?" "[ Brakes Groaning ]" "[ Turns Off Engine ]" "PERHAPS WE SHOULD HAVE FLOWN." "[ Felicia Imitates Buzzer ] WRONG, BUT THANKS FOR PLAYING." "ANYONE ELSE ?" "[ Bernadette ] NO." "WITCHETTY GRUB." "YOUR TURN." "I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE SOMETHING BEGINNING WITH "R."" "RECTUM ?" "NO." "RING PIRATE ?" "NO." "[ Dejectedly ] ROAD ?" "ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S THE MATTER ?" "NOTHING, DARLING." "DON'T "DARLING" ME, DARLING." "LOOK AT YOU." "YOU'VE GOT A FACE LIKE A CAT'S ASS." "COME ON, FESS UP." "JUST WORRIED ABOUT THE SHOW." "WE HAVEN'T DONE ANY REHEARSALS YET." "WE'VE GOT TWO WEEKS." "THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME TO REHEARSE." "NOW WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM ?" "IT'S NOT A PROBLEM." "I JUST WANT THE SHOW TO BE GOOD." "IT'S GOT TO BE GOOD." "HOW DID YOU GET THIS JOB, MITZI ?" "WHO IS THE FISH THAT RUNS THIS BLOODY HOTEL ANYWAY ?" "YOUR MOTHER ?" "NO, MY WIFE." "OH." "DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE GOT AN EX-BOYFRIEND OUT HERE SOMEWHERE." "NO, MY WIFE." "I'M MARRIED." " [ Brakes Screeching ] - [ Belongings Clattering ]" "[ Organ ]" "AND WHEN THE JOINT BANK ACCOUNT RAN DRY AFTER A COUPLE OF YEARS..." "I GUESS I PREFERRED HER WEING RING TO MINE;" "SO, NO DRAMA." "WE SWAPPED AND CALLED IT A DAY." "THIS IS GETTING TOO WEIRD." "YOU AND A WOMAN ?" "WHAT DID SHE USED TO DO FOR KICKS ?" "PUT A BUCKET ON YOUR HEAD AND SWING OFF THE HANDLE ?" "THERE ARE TWO THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOU, FELICIA:" "YOUR FACE." "HOW ABOUT SHUTTING BOTH OF THEM ?" "THIS EXPLAINS YOUR ABYSMAL BATTING AVERAGE." "I WONDERED WHY YOUR DANCE CARD WAS SO EMPTY." "I TAKE IT YOU NEVER GOT A DIVORCE THEN." "WELL, GIRLS, WHAT CAN I SAY ?" "HERE'S TO A SECRET VERY WELL-KEPT." "SHAME IT'S NOT GOING TO STAY THAT WAY, ISN'T IT ?" "HMM." "GOT ANY MORE LITTLE SURPRISES YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH US ?" "HAVEN'T GOT ANY KIDS STASHED AWAY AS WELL, HAVE YOU ?" "LOOK..." "I HAVEN'T LIED ABOUT ANYTHING." "AFTER SIX YEARS, I GET A PHONE CALL SCREAMING FOR HELP." "CHRIST KNOWS I OWE HER A COUPLE OF FAVORS." "I'M SORRY THAT I NEVER TOLD YOU." "I'M NOT SORRY THAT YOU'RE HERE." "[ Bernadette ] DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, DOLLS." "I'M AS JEALOUS AS ALL HELL." "WHAT ?" "SO, WAS IT A BIG WEING ?" "GET LOTS OF PRESSIES, DID YOU ?" "I WISH I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE BEEN THERE." "OH, HA, HA." "I'D HAVE BOUGHT YOU A LOVELY MATCHING SET OF "HERS" AND "HERS" BATH MATS." "GIVE IT A REST." "NOT ON YOUR LIFE." "IMAGINE..." "MITZI THE MAGNIFICENT AND HER BLUSHING BRIDE." "MOWING LAWNS MUST HAVE BEEN MURDER ON YOUR HEELS." "ALL RIGHT, FELICIA, THAT'S ENOUGH." "LET'S PUT SOME MONEY IN THAT SEETHING CESSPOOL MOUTH OF YOURS." "IF I WIN THIS GAME, YOU WILL NEVER MENTION MY WIFEEVERAGAIN, OKAY ?" "AND IF I WIN ?" "NAME YOUR PRICE." "WELL, NOW, WHAT WOULD I LIKE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE..." "IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD ?" "SNAP !" "BETTER BE QUICK." "PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT BEING TRUE" "AND ALL THE TROUBLE WE'VE BEEN THROUGH" "PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT ALL THE PLANS" "WE HAD FOR FIXING THIS BROKEN ROMANCE" "I WANT TO GO WHERE THE PEOPLE DANCE" "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING ?" "TAKE THAT BLOODY FROCK OFF." "DON'T MAKE IT WORSE THAN IT IS." "YOU THINK I'M GOING TO LET YOU WALK AWAY WITH ALL THE ATTENTION ?" "NO CHANCE." "COME ON, GIRLS." "LET'S GO SHOPPING." "OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE." "I LOVE THE NIGHTLIFE" "I'VE GOT TO BOOGIE" "ON THE DISCO ROUND OH, YEAH" "OH, I LOVE THE NIGHTLIFE" "I'VE GOT TO BOOGIE" "ON THE DISCO ROUND OH, YEAH" "I JUST ADORE THOSE HATS." "PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT LOVE TONIGHT" "[ Whining ]" "YOUR SWEET TALK WON'T MAKE IT RIGHT" "LOVING LIES JUST BRING ME DOWN" "WHEN YOU'VE GOT WOMEN ALL OVER TOWN" "YOU CAN LOVE THEM ALL AND WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH MAYBE THAT WILL MAKE" "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIING." "WELCOME TO MARIO PALACE." "COME IN, COME IN." "COME IN." "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU ?" "WOULD YOU LIKE A ROOM, MADAM ?" "SUBTLE." "TACKARAMA." "WHO DOES ALL THE PAINTING AROUND HERE ?" "SOMEONE WITH NO ARMS OR RIGHT FOOT BY THE LOOK OF THINGS." "OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKES, GET DOWN OFF THAT CRUCIFIX." "SOMEONE NEEDS THE WOOD." "WHAT HAVE WE HERE ?" "WHAT FUN." "BABY BOTTLES OF BOOZE." "OH, GATHER 'ROUND, GIRLS." "LET ME SHOW YOU A TRICK." "YOU, UM, DRINK THE GIN." "[ Sighs ]" "FILL THE BOTTLE UP WITH WATER AND PUT IT BACK IN THE FRIDGE." "VA-T'EN VOUS." "WHAT ABOUT THE SCOTCH ?" "AH." "THAT'S WHERE COMPLIMENTARY TEA BAGS COME IN HANDY." "VERY CLEVER." "CHEERS, GIRLS, AND CONGRATULATIONS, MITZI." "YOU DID IT." "ONE LAP OF THE BROKEN HILL MAIN DRAG IN DRAG." "THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO TAKE ON THE FAIRMOUNT BOYS SCHOOL SNAP CHAMPION." "HERE'S TO BEING OFF THAT FUCKING BUS." "CHOOKERS." "CHOOKERS." "CHOOKERS." "[ Scoffs ]" "SO, ALL DOLLED UP AND NOWHERE TO GO." "I SURE AS SHIT AM NOT GOING TO SIT IN HERE ALL EVENING." "I'M IN." "OH, ALL RIGHT." "HERE'S HOPING THEY HAVE A DECENT COCKTAIL BAR." "[ Crowd Chattering ]" "[ Piano ]" "[ Stops ] [ Chattering Stops ]" "HELLO." "COULD I PLEASE HAVE A STOLI AND TONIC," "A BLOODY MARY," "AND A LIME DAIQUIRI, PLEASE ?" "[ Woman ] WELL..." "LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN." "WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE, EH ?" "A COUPLE OF SHOWGIRLS ?" "WHERE DID YOU LADIES COME IN FROM ?" "URANUS ?" "COULD I PLEASE HAVE A ST" "NO !" "YOU CAN'T HAVE." "YOU CAN'T HAVE NOTHING !" "WE'VE GOT NOTHING HERE FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU." "NOTHING !" "NOW LISTEN HERE, YOU MULLET." "WHY DON'T YOU JUST LIGHT YOUR TAMPON AND BLOW YOUR BOX APART ?" "BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY BANG YOU'RE GONNA GET, SWEETHEART." "[ Laughing ]" "[ Men Laughing ]" "[ Piano Resumes ]" "[ Laughing Continues ]" "WHEN I'M WITH MY BABY" "OH, IT'S NO FUN WITH THE FUCKING SUN AROUND" "[ Tick ] WHAT COULD BE MORE SOOTHING..." "THAN COMING HOME AFTER A HARD DAY'S WORK..." "DOWN THE MINE..." "THAN TO THE WO-MAN IN US ALL ?" "NOW, DON'T SEND ANY MONEY, OKAY ?" "[ Everyone ] OOH !" " OOH !" " SETS DOWN GLASS." "[ Woman Sighs ]" "OOH !" "SHIT." "ALL I CAN SEE IS FEMALE IMPERSONATORS. [ All Laughing ]" "THIS HAS GOT TO BE A FIRST." "NOBODY HAS EVER OUTDRUNK OLD SHIRL BEFORE." "WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO THROW 'EM BACK LIKE THAT ?" "THAT'S OUR GIRL, BERNADETTE." "I KNEW STUMBLING AROUND THE PUB CIRCUIT WITH LES GIRLS FOR 200 YEARS..." "MUST HAVE TAUGHT HER SOMETHING." "YOU'RE A BLOODY MARVEL, BERNIE." "BERNADETTE, PLEASE." "WHAT'S THAT ?" "MY NAME ISN'T BERNIE." "SHE SAID HER NAME ISN'T BERNIE." "IT'S RALPH !" "[ Laughing ] [ Groaning ]" "COME ON." "OH !" "[ Felicia Groans, Continues Laughing ]" "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME ?" "WHAT ?" "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME BACK THERE IN THE BAR ?" "SORRY..." "RALPH." "YOU FUCKING IDIOT !" "[ Groans ]" "OH !" "F-FUCK !" "[ Cursing, Indistinct ] GET OFF ME, YOU FUCKING" "OH, FUCK !" "IT'S ONLY MY FUCKING HEAD." "THE BUMP ON YOUR HEAD IS BIGGER THAN YOUR PRICK." "GET FUCKED, YOU STUPID OLD BITCH." "OH, PISS OFF, YOU LITTLE FAGGOT." "YOU'RE SO BLOODY BORING-- IF YOUR MOUTH WAS AS BIG AS YOUR DICK," "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM" "GOOD MORNING." "GOOD MORNING." "[ Tick ] IT'S FUNNY, YOU KNOW ?" "NO MATTER HOW TOUGH I THINK I'M GETTING..." "IT STILL HURTS." "HOPE IT STILL WORKS." "DON'T HAVE MUCH CALL FOR IT DOWN HERE." "WHERE YOU BLOKES FROM ?" "URANUS." "OH, GOOD." "FISH GOT TO SWIM" "BIRDS GOT TO FLY" " I GOT TO LOVE ONE MAN TILL I DIE" " THERE !" "LEFT." "I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING." "IF WE STICK TO THE SEALED ROAD," "WE'LL BE AT IT AT LEAST ANOTHER TWO DAYS." "TELL ME HE'S LAZY TELL ME IT'S SO TAKE THE SHORTCUT." "TELL ME I'M CRAZY MAYBE I KNOW" "CAN'T HELP LOVING THAT MAN OF MINE" "[ Opera ]" "[ Lip-Synching Aria ]" "[ Continues ] [ Continues ] ONE MORE PUSH, I'M GONNA SMACK HIS FACE SO HARD," "HE'LL HAVE TO STICK HIS TOOTHBRUSH UP HIS ASS TO CLEAN HIS TEETH." "[ Felicia Laughing ] [ Tick ] JUST LAY OFF." "I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THE "R" WORD." "WHAT DID YOU GO AND DO ?" "I WAS ONLY HAVING A BIT OF FUN." ""FUN" ?" "WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO FOR AMUSEMENT, SLAM YOUR FINGERS IN DOORS ?" "WHAT'S THE POINT ?" "I LIKE SEEING PEOPLE GET HOTHEADED, OKAY ?" "IT GIVES ME A KICK." "IS IT TRUE WHEN YOU WERE BORN," "THE DOCTOR SLAPPED YOUR MOTHER ?" "[ Continues Laughing ]" "WHAT SORT OF BENT CHILDHOOD DID YOU HAVE, ADAM WHITELY ?" "[ Man ] ADAM ?" "ADAM ?" "COME IN HERE, BOY." "COME SIT OVER HERE." "WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME FUN WITH UNCLE BARRY ?" "WE'LL PLAY A SPECIAL GAME," "BUT YOU CAN'T TELL ANYBODY..." "EVER, EVER, EVER." "OKAY ?" "WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS PUT YOUR HAND DOWN HERE..." "AND PULL VERY GENTLY, OKAY ?" "VERY GENTLY." "THAT'S GOOD." "THAT'S GOOD." "OH, JESUS CHRIST, ADAM !" "GET HELP." "UNCLE BARRY'S PING PONGS ARE CAUGHT IN THE DRAIN." "GET MUMMY." "GET MUMMY !" "NO." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO ?" "[ Tick Laughing ] NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER !" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Continue Laughing ]" "YOU KNOW THE BEST PART ?" "MUM WAS OUT PLAYING GOLF, AND THE DIRTY FUCK WAS STUCK FOR SEVEN HOURS !" "[ Continue Laughing ]" "[ Felicia ] AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE SMALL AND WRINKLED BEFORE THEY GOT IN THE WATER !" "HEY, I'VE GOT A JOKE." "WHO WANTS TO HEAR A JOKE ?" "BERNICE, YOU'LL LAUGH SO HARD..." "YOUR LASHES WILL CURL ALL BY THEMSELVES." "DO TELL US YOUR HILARIOUS JOKE." "OKAY." "WELL, ONCE UPON A TIME MANY MOONS AGO," "THERE WAS A BUNCH OF INDIANS CALLED THE FUKAWIE TRIBE." "ONE DAY, THE SON OF THE GREAT INDIAN CHIEF SAYS TO HIS FATHER," ""WHY IS MY FRIEND LITTLE HAWK CALLED LITTLE HAWK ?"" "AND HIS FATHER SAYS-- "WHY DO YOU ASK, TWO DOGS FUCKING ?"" "THAT'S NOT THE END OF THE JOKE." "SO, ANYWAY, BACK TO ME- [ Engine Grinding ]" " WHAT'S HAPPENING ?" "UM, I DON'T KNOW." "[ Engine Clattering, Grinding ]" "[ Engine Backfires, Hissing ]" "OH, MY GOD." "OH, FELICIA..." "WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE ?" "SHIT !" "SHIT !" "SHIT !" "OH, SHIT." "WELL, I'VE HAD A LOOK AROUND." "I THINK WE CAN SAFELY ASSUME THAT I NOW KNOW LESS ABOUT MOTORS..." "THAN WHEN I FIRST LIFTED UP THAT BONNETY THING." "NOW WHAT ?" "LET'S JUST NOT THINK ABOUT IT FOR THE MOMENT..." "AND EAT BREKKIE." "THAT'S A NOVEL IDEA." "LET'S STUFF OURSELVES TO DEATH." "IMAGINE THE HEADLINES:" ""WHALES BEACH THEMSELVES IN THE OUTBACK." "MYSTERY BOOM STICKS DEAD IN DRAG."" "NO POINT IN WALKING BACK." "THE ONLY LIFE I SAW WERE THE HYPNOTIZED BUNNIES." "MOST ARE WEDGED IN THE TIRES." "SOMEBODY WILL DRIVE PAST FOR SURE." "WE'LL KEEP THE FIRE BURNING." "WE'LL TOAST MARSHMALLOWS AND CHILL CHAMPAGNE FOR WHEN THEY ARRIVE." "WHAT IF THEY DON'T DRIVE PAST ?" "YOU'RE NOT HELPING HERE." "JUST EAT YOUR HORMONES." "HELL, WHY DIDN'T WE STICK TO THE MAIN ROAD ?" " WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE ?" " YOU GOT US INTO THIS, ANTHONY BELROSE." "I SUGGEST YOU START THINKING ABOUT HOW TO GET US BACK..." "OR I DON'T FANCY YOUR CHANCES OF EVER TRYING TO BE A HUSBAND AGAIN." "JESUS, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ?" "WE'RE GONNA START WITH A FACE-LIFT." "NOTHING LIKE A NEW FROCK TO BRIGHTEN UP YOUR DAY." "PURPLE ?" "IT'S NOT PURPLE." "IT'S LAVENDER." "WHAT DO YOU THINK ?" "IT'S NICE..." "IN A HIDEOUS SORT OF WAY." "WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?" "IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SIT AROUND..." "WATCHING PICASSO TAKE ON THE PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM," "YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING." "I'LL BE BACK WITH THE CAVALRY IN A COUPLE OF HOURS." "THERE GOES A TRANSSEXUAL, LAST SEEN HEADING SOUTH." "WE CALL HER BERNIE, BUT HER REAL NAME WAS-- ADAM." "[ Shouting, Shout Echoes ]" "[ Singing Softly ] I WAS PETRIFIED" "KEPT THINKING I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE" "BUT THEN I SPENT SO MANY NIGHTS" "THINKING HOW YOU DID ME WRONG" "AND I GREW STRONG" "AND I LEARNED HOW TO GET ALONG" "AND SO YOU'RE BACK FROM OUTER SPACE d I JUST WALKED IN TO FIND YOU HERE WITH THAT SAD LOOK-- d" "[ Insect Buzzing ]" "[ Yelling ]" "[ Tick Singing, Softly ]" "[ Continues ]" "[ Bernadette Gasps Weakly ]" "[ Softly ] HELP." "HELP." "WHAT'S THAT, PA ?" "WHAT ?" "OUT THERE, YOU NONG." "LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN." "HELP !" "OH, THANK GOD." "[ Sighs ]" "[ Flies Buzzing ]" "[ Buzzing Continues ]" "THANK YOU." "I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW GRATEFUL I AM." "I JUST WALKED IN TO FIND YOU HERE" "WITH THAT SAD LOOK UPON YOUR FACE" "I SHOULD HAVE" "[ Vehicle Approaching ]" "YOU FUCKIN' BEAUTY." "OOH." "OOH, SHIT." "[ Felicia Squeals ] I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE SO GLAD TO SEE YOU." "WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME." "[ Laughing ]" "[ Bernadette ] I WAS JUST DRAWING UP THE WILL." "COME AND MEET OUR SAVIORS." "TONY, ADAM, THIS IS MR. AND MRS. SPENCER." "HELLO." "HELLO." "WAIT !" "STOP !" "[ Vehicle Speeding Away ] [ Panting, Spits, Sighs ] SHIT." "FOR GOODNESS SAKES, LOOK AT YOURSELF, MITZ." "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU ?" "GREEN IS NOT YOUR COLOR." "[ Laughing ]" "[ Tick ] DO YOU THINK ABOUT TRUMPET MUCH ?" "NO." "TRUMPET WAS JUST A NICE KID WHO HAD A THING ABOUT TRANSSEXUALS." "LOTS OF PEOPLE DO." "SORT OF BENT STATUS SYMBOL, YOU KNOW ?" ""MY GIRLFRIEND USED TO BE A BOYFRIEND." THAT SORT OF THING." "ALWAYS GOOD FOR A SUPPER INVITE." "STILL, IT WAS BETTER THAN NOTHING." "NOTHING." "NOTHING FOR MILES." "[ Turns Tape Player On ]" "[ ABBA Singing "Fernando" ]" "CAN YOU HEAR THE DRUMS FERNANDO" "[ Turns Tape Off ] I'VE SAID IT BEFORE, AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN." "NO MORE FUCKING ABBA." "IF WE HAVE THE TIME, WE MAY AS WELL PUT IT TO GOOD USE." "COME ON, GIRLS." "OFF YOUR SNATCHES." "REHEARSAL TIME." "[ Humming ]" "SO YOU'RE BACK FROM OUTER SPACE" "OKAY ?" "TWO BOBS TO START." " BORING." "[ Tick ] READY ?" "AND SO YOU'RE BACK" "[ Humming ]" " THIS LOOK UPON YOUR FACE" " I DID THIS YEARS AGO." "[ Tick ] YOU DID IT SO BEAUTIFULLY," "AND YOU DO IT SO WELL." "COME ON." "TRY IT FROM THE TOP." "ONE, TWO." "[ Claps ]" "GO ON NOW, GO WALK OUT THE DOOR" "JUST TURN AROUND NOW YOU'RE NOT WELCOME ANYMORE" "WEREN'T YOU THE ONE WHO TRIED TO HURT ME WITH GOOD-BYE" "DID YOU THINK I'D CR-  [ Screams ] - [ Gasps ]" "HELLO." "NICE NIGHT FOR IT. [ Man Singing ] WELL, I FEEL ALL RIGHT" "I FEEL ALL RIGHT" "YES, I FEEL ALL RIGHT" "WELL, I FEEL ALL RIGHT d WITH YOU RIGHT BY MY SIDE d" "[ Stops ]" "I THINK WE JUST CRASHED A PARTY." "[ Laughing ] NO." "COME ON, YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT." "[ Resumes ]" "[ Singing, Chattering ]" "[ Continues ]" "WELCOME TO MY OFFICE." "HAVE A SEAT." "BERNICE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE POSSESSED YOU TO WEAR THAT TO A CORROBOREE." "SHUT YOUR FACE." "[ Crowd Chattering, Laughing ] BRAVO !" "FABULOUS !" "WELL, GIRLS..." "I GUESS IT'S OUR TURN. AT FIRST I WAS AFRAID I WAS PETRIFIED" "KEPT THINKING I COULD NEVER LIVE" "WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE" "BUT THEN I SPENT SO MANY NIGHTS" "THINKING HOW YOU DID ME WRONG" "AND I GREW STRONG" "AND I LEARNED HOW TO GET ALONG" "AND SO YOU'RE BACK FROM OUTER SPACE" "I JUST WALKED IN TO FIND YOU HERE" "WITH THAT SAD LOOK UPON YOUR FACE" "I SHOULD HAVE CHANGED THAT STUPID LOCK" "I SHOULD HAVE MADE YOU LEAVE YOUR KEY" "IF I'D HAVE KNOWN FOR JUST ONE SECOND YOU'D BE BACK TO BOTHER ME" "GO ON NOW, GO" "WALK OUT THE DOOR" "JUST TURN AROUND NOW" "'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT WELCOME ANYMORE" "WEREN'T YOU THE ONE WHO TRIED TO HURT ME WITH GOOD-BYE" "DID YOU THINK I'D CRUMBLE" "DID YOU THINK I'D LAY DOWN AND DIE" "OH, NO, NOT I I WILL SURVIVE" "OH, AS LONG AS I KNOW HOW TO LOVE" "I KNOW I'LL STAY ALIVE" "I'VE GOT ALL MY LIFE TO LIVE I'VE GOT ALL MY LOVE TO GIVE" "AND I'LL SURVIVE" "I WILL SURVIVE" "HEY, HEY TAKE A LOOK AT THAT." "OOH." "I'VE GOT AN IDEA." "IT TOOK ALL THE STRENGTH I HA NOT TO FALL APART" "JUST TRYING HARD TO MEND THE PIECES OF MY BROKEN HEART" "AND I'VE SPENT OH SO MANY NIGHTS" "JUST FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF" "I USED TO CRY" "BUT NOW I HOLD MY HEAD UP HIGH" "AND YOU SEE ME SOMEBODY NEW [ Aborigine ]" "I'M NOT THAT CHAINED-UP LITTLE PERSON STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU" "AND SO YOU FELT LIKE DROPPING IN AND JUST EXPECT ME TO BE FREE" "NOW I'M SAVING ALL MY LOVING FOR SOMEONE WHO'S LOVING ME" "GO ON NOW, GO" "WALK OUT THE DOOR" "JUST TURN AROUND NOW" "'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT WELCOME ANYMORE" "[ Fades ]" "SO YOU ACTUALLY MAKE MONEY BY DRESSING UP LIKE A WOMAN ?" "SURE." "YOU CAN MAKE A FINE LIVING IN A PAIR OF HEELS." "WHY, ALAN ?" "YOU WANT A JOB ?" "[ Laughs ]" "OH !" "IF ONLY THIS DRESS COULD TALK." "SOMETIMES I WONDER WHERE I GET MY TASTE FROM." "DEFINITELY NOT MY MOTHER." "SERVES ME RIGHT FOR LETTING HER BUY ME THESE AWFUL CLOTHES." "WHAT'S THIS ?" "THAT, MY DARLING, IS MY MOST TREASURED POSSESSION IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD." "BUT WHAT IS IT ?" "A FEW YEARS AGO, I WENT ON A PILGRIMAGE BACKSTAGE TO AN ABBA CONCERT," "HOPING TO GRAB AN AUDIENCE WITH HER ROYAL HIGHNESS, AGNETHA." "WHEN I SAW HER DUCKING INTO THE LADIES LOO, I FOLLOWED HER IN." "AFTER SHE'D FINISHED HER BUSINESS, I DUCKED INTO THE CUBICLE," "ONLY TO FIND SHE'D LEFT ME A LITTLE GIFT SITTING IN THE TOILET BOWL." "WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME ?" "THIS IS AN ABBA TURD ?" "I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO WITH THIS." "ARE YOU RIGHT ?" "[ Felicia ] HANG ON." "OKAY !" "GO !" "[ Cheering ]" "THERE !" "[ Cheering ]" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Laughs ]" "GOOD AFTERNOON." "WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM ?" "[ Dog Barking ]" "WHAT A NICE DOG." "WHAT'S ITS NAME ?" "HERPES." "IF SHE'S GOOD, SHE'LL HEEL." "THINGS GET PRETTY QUIET AROUND HERE." "WE'RE JUST STARVED FOR ENTERTAINMENT." "GLAD WE COULD OBLIGE." "HOW DOES IT LOOK ?" "YOUR GAS TANK IS FULL OF CRUD." "TRAVELING A ROUGH ROAD ON A LOW TANK..." "CHUCKED IT INTO THE MOTOR." "YOUR FUEL LINE'S BLOCKED, INJECTORS ARE STUFFED." "DOES THAT MEAN YOU CAN FIX IT ?" "IN THE SHORT TERM." "WHAT YOU BLOKES NEED IS A NEW GAS TANK." "I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU HAVE ONE LYING AROUND ?" "[ Chuckles ] NO." "SORRY." "YOU CAN PICK ONE UP IN COOBER PEDY IN A WEEK." " WHEN DO YOU HAVE TO BE IN ALICE ?" " SIX DAYS." "WELL, WE CAN CLEAN IT OUT AND HOPE FOR THE BEST." "YOU MIGHT MAKE IT." "WON'T KNOW UNLESS YOU TRY." "[ Woman ] REFRESHMENTS !" "LEMONADE, HERE I MAKE." "THAT'S VERY NICE, DARLING." "PLEASE, GO BACK INSIDE." "[ Woman ] LEMONADE, HERE I MAKE." "LEMONADE FOR GUESTS." "NO, DARLING." "PLEASE." "[ Speaking Native Language ]" "I MADE CHOCOLATE CRACKER." "THANK YOU." "WE PUT CREAM ON ?" "NO, NO !" "IT'S FACE CREAM." " FOR FACE." " AH." "BOB, CYNTHIA, THANK YOU." "I LOVE LAMB WITH MERINGUE." "[ Bob ] THANK YOU FOR THE COMPANY." "LIKE I SAID EARLIER, NEW FACES ARE HARD TO COME BY OUT HERE." "WHAT WERE YOU DOING OFF THE HIGHWAY ?" "THAT'S A BLOODY GOOD QUESTION." "GLAD YOU BOTHERED." "WE DON'T GET YOUR TYPE OUT HERE VERY OFTEN." "ME LIKE TO SING TOO." "ME LIKE." "PRETTY DAMN QUIET." "THOUGHT OF OPENING A VIDEO BUSINESS FOR A WHILE." "I SUPPOSE WE GOT TO WAIT TO GET TELEVISION FIRST." "ME PERFORM FOR YOU." "ME DANCE TOO." "MY WIFE USED TO BE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS." "YEAH." "YOU PERFORM HERE ?" "ARE YOU THINKING OF PERFORMING HERE ?" "YOU'RE GONNA BE HERE AT LEAST ANOTHER NIGHT." "UM, THE THOUGHT HADN'T REALLY CROSSED MY MIND." "[ Bob ] I CAN HAVE A WORD WITH WALLY AT THE PUB." "EVERYBODY WOULD LOVE IT." "I'M NOT SURE OUR SHOW WOULD GO DOWN TOO WELL HERE." "WHAT KIND OF CABARET DO YOU DO ?" "WE DRESS UP IN WOMEN'S CLOTHES AND PARADE AROUND," "MOUTHING THE WORDS TO OTHER PEOPLE'S SONGS." "YOU MEAN LIKE THOSE, UM-- WHAT DO THEY CALL THEM ?" "LES GIRLS ?" "I'VE SEEN THEM, BACK IN SYDNEY WHEN I WAS A YOUNG BLOKE." "FANTASTIC." "JUST TERRIFIC." "BOB, YOU ARE LOOKING AT PROBABLY THE MOST FAMOUS LES GIRL EVER PRODUCED." "[ Bob ] YOU'RE KIING ME." "GIVE ME A BREAK." "I WAS NEVER THAT FAMOUS." "I'M NOT JOKING." "WHAT ?" "I WOULDN'T HAVE REALLY SEEN YOU." "THAT MUST HAVE BEEN 30 YEARS BACK." "YOU'D BE SURPRISED." "[ Cynthia ] ME PERFORM FOR YOU." "ME SING." "NO, CYNTHIA." "YOU NO PERFORM." "THEY PERFORM, NOT YOU." "[ Yelling, Native Language ]" "[ Continues Yelling ]" "WELL, A REAL LIVE LES GIRLS SHOW." "THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION." "MAYBE THIS ISN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA." "SHUT YOUR TWAT." "OUR FROCKS WERE THE SENSATION OF BROKEN HILL, REMEMBER ?" "THERE WAS A KMART IN BROKEN HILL." "THEY KNEW WHAT A FROCK WAS." "CHRIST, YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT THIS WOMAN'S WEARING." "IT'S NOT A FROCK." "IT'S PIECE OF CORRUGATED IRON." "[ Knocking ]" "CAN I COME IN ?" "[ Felicia ] ONLY IF YOU'RE SINGLE." "OH, YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE." "WHERE DID WE FIND THIS GUY ?" "JUST KEEP DISHING OUT THE COMPLIMENTS, BOB." "FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYWHERE." "WHERE'S THAT LOVELY WIFE OF YOURS ?" "SHE'S AT HOME." "SHE'S NOT ALLOWED IN THE PUB ANYMORE." "REALLY ?" "WHY ?" "SHE'S GOT A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL." "EVERY TIME SHE GETS IN THE PUB, SHE MAKES A FOOL OF HERSELF." "I KNOW HOW SHE FEELS." "WELL, WE'RE ALL WAITING." "YOU READY ?" "BOB..." "WE'RE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS." "YOU CAN'T BACK OUT NOW." "EVERY MAN AND HIS DOG IS OUT THERE." "THEY'RE NOT CHAINED UP, BY ANY CHANCE ?" "[ Laughs ] YOU BLOKES." "SORRY." "YOU GIRLS." "YOU'LL BE FINE." "TAKE MY WORD FOR IT." "[ Talking Angrily, Native Language ]" "[ Continues Talking ]" "[ Distant Cheering ]" "[ Cheering Continues ]" "[ Screams ]" "[ Native Language ]" "[ Laughing ]" "THERE'S NOTHING MORE THAT I'D LIKE TO DO" "THAN TAKE THE FLOOR AND DANCE WITH YOU" "KEEP DANCING" "LET'S KEEP DANCING" "SHAKE IT SHAKE IT" "SHAKE IT SHAKE IT" "SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING" "YEAH, YEAH" "SHOW 'EM HOW WE DO IT NOW" "SHOW 'EM HOW WE DO IT NOW" "[ Bob Clapping ] YEAH !" "[ Cynthia Whooping ]" "[ Men Whistling, Cheering ]" "[ Striptease ]" "[ Laughing, Cheering ]" "[ Men Whistling, Hooting ] [ Men Cheering ]" "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON ?" "[ Unzipping Zipper ]" "OH, SHE'S NOT." "IS SHE ?" "YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH A PING-PONG BALL !" "YOU WANT TO BET ?" "[ All Groaning ]" "[ Laughing ]" " [ Cheering ] - [ Continues Laughing ]" " [ Sighs, Ball Pops Out ] - [ Cheering Continues ]" "[ Screaming ] LET GO OF ME !" "[ Continues Screaming ]" "[ Felicia Laughing Hysterically ]" "I'M GOING !" "DARLING, THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN'T WORK OUT." "YOU NO GOOD MAN." "NOW, DON'T BE SILLY." "YOU WANT GOOD WIFE, YOU BE GOOD HUSBAND." "DARLING, DON'T GO." "I NO LIKE YOU ANYWAY." "YOU GOT LITTLE DING-A-LING." "[ Birds Chattering ]" "SOMEDAYS YOU JUST SHOULDN'T GET OUT OF BED." "IN MY OPINION, YOU SHOULD WAIT HERE UNTIL I GET BACK WITH THE NEW GAS TANK." "THEN AGAIN..." "YOU LISTENED TO MY LAST OPINION." "FORGET IT, BOB." "IT'S TIME WE MADE A MOVE." "I'M JUST AN AMATEUR HERE." "THERE'S NO WAY A NICE FROCK AND A CATCHY TUNE..." "CAN COMPETE WITH THREE PING-PONG BALLS, TWO CIGARETTES AND A PINT OF BEER." "I'LL PLAY IT SAFE AND STICK TO THE MAIN DRAG." "PARDON THE PUN." "GOOD-BYE, BOB." "THANKS FOR A VERY EDUCATIONAL STAY." "YES, I'D DO ANYTHING TO OPEN A BOTTLE LIKE THAT." "[ Scoffs ]" "BERNADETTE, IT'S BEEN AN HONOR..." "MEETING A MEMBER OF LES GIRLS." "AND IT'S BEEN AN HONOR TO MEET A GENTLEMAN." "BELIEVE ME, BOB, THESE DAYS, GENTLEMEN ARE AN ENDANGERED SPECIES." "[ Engine Starts ]" "UNLIKE BLOODY DRAG QUEENS WHO JUST KEEP BREEDING LIKE RABBITS." "[ Laughs ]" "SAYONARA, SAYONARA" "[ Engine Dies ] [ Tick ] OH, FUCK IT !" "BOB ?" "FANCY A FREE RIDE TO COOBER PEDY ?" "[ Felicia ] NOW, LISTEN, BOB." "LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT." "WE WEAR FROCKS, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU WEAR THE PANTS." "RIGHT." "WHERE DO I SLEEP ?" "ANYWHERE THAT TAKES YOUR FANCY." "[ Laughing ] THE ROOF WILL DO ME FINE." "[ Giggling ]" "THANK YOU, BOB." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY." "THAT'S ALL RIGHT." "MIGHT AS WELL GET THERE A FEW DAYS EARLIER." "A BIT OF R AND R. GOD KNOWS I NEED IT." "[ Opera ]" "[ Continues ] [ Humming ]" "CAN I ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION ?" "I MEAN, IF YOU DON'T MIND." "SURE." "WHY ?" "WHY DO YOU..." "YOU KNOW ?" "YOU MEAN THE $64,000 QUESTION ?" "[ Woman ] THAT'S A GIRL." "DON'T TEAR THE WRAPPING PAPER." "SLIDE THE RIBBON OFF AND WE CAN SEE WHAT SANTA'S BROUGHT YOU." "HERE IT COMES." "[ Unwrapping Present ]" "WHAT IS IT ?" "OH, IT'S A..." "IT'S A" "[ Gasps ]" "CEMENT MIXER." "HAVE YOU BEEN CHANGING THE CARDS AROUND AGAIN, RALPH ?" "I HAD NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER." "[ Felicia ] OW !" "FOR FUCK'S SAKE !" "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING, YOU STUPID BITCH !" "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, FUCKING KILL ME OR SOMETHING ?" "MY FAULT !" "SORRY, BOB." "I THOUGHT IT WAS BERNADETTE." "[ Engine Sputtering, Dying ]" "[ Tick ] ONE, TWO, THREE." "TWO, TWO, THREE." "THREE, TWO, THREE." "NOW, YOU'RE GETTING IT." "[ Felicia ] WHO TAUGHT YOU TO WALTZ ?" "MY WIFE." "HOW SWEET." "YOU AND THE MISSUS..." "DOWN AT ARTHUR MURRAY'S EVERY TUESDAY NIGHT PRACTICING YOUR HEARTS OUT." "MAKES ME WANT TO SICK UP." "SHE'S A BETTER DANCER THAN YOU." "MARRIED ?" "YES, MARRIED." "WE'VE ONLY RECENTLY DISCOVERED YOUNG ANTHONY BATS FOR BOTH TEAMS." "I DO NOT." "OH, SO, WE'RE STRAIGHT ?" "NO." "OH, WE'RE NOT." "SO WE'RE A DONUT PUNCHER AFTER ALL ?" "NO." "THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE WE ?" "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW." "[ Laughing ]" "[ Beeping ] WHAT THE FUCK'S THAT ?" "[ Beeping Continues ]" "[ Beeping ] GOOD EVENING." "NICE NIGHT FOR IT." "[ Beeping Departing ] OH." "OKAY, GOOD NIGHT THEN." "[ Bernadette ] WHAT A RUDE WOMAN." "AND THAT'S THE POWER-STEERING PUMP." "THAT'S THE RADIATOR FAN." "HOW INTERESTING." "SIMPLE." "[ Talking Continues, Indistinct ]" "OH, YEA !" "HEY, WHO WANTS FIRST BATH ?" "[ Whoops ]" "[ All Cheering, Laughing ]" "[ Whooping, Yelling ]" "[ Yells ]" "I WON !" "[ Chirping ]" "[ Both Laughing ]" "CAN I HELP YOU, MA'AM ?" "[ Laughing ]" "OKAY, TURN HER OVER !" "[ Engine Starts, Music Starts ]" "[ Horn Honks, Engine Backfires ]" "BUT I CAN'T GET MY OWN WAY" "WITH THAT DOGGONE SALE BUM" "I DON'T CARE IF THE SUN DON'T SHINE" "I GET MY LOVIN' IN THE EVENIN' TIME" "WHEN I'M WITH MY BABY" "IT'S NO FUN WITH THE SUN AROUND" "BUT I GET GOING WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN" "AND I MEET MY BABY" "THAT'S WHEN WE KISS AND KISS AND KISS" "AND THEN WE KISS SOME MORE" "DON'T ASK HOW MANY TIMES WE KISS" "AT A TIME LIKE THIS WHO KEEPS SCORE" "SO I DON'T CARE IF THE SUN DON'T SHINE" "I'LL GET MY LOVIN' IN THE EVENIN' TIME" "WHEN I'M WITH MY BABY" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Continues ]" "[ Continues ]" "[ Bob ] THAT'S IT OVER THERE." "IT'S AN OKAY ROOM WITH A SHOWER." "[ Bernadette, Mitzi ] BATHE FIRST !" "[ Felicia ] IS HOT WATER ALL YOU EVER THINK ABOUT ?" "[ Bernadette ] NO." "A SHOWER, COMFORTABLE BED AND A NICE MEAL WILL DO ME FINE." "[ Felicia ] IF YOU THINK I'M GONNA WATCH TELEVISION, YOU GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING." "YOU BLOKES WATCH YOUR BACK." "THIS IS A PRETTY TOUGH TOWN." "THEY GET UP, GO DOWN A HOLE, BLOW THINGS UP AND COME UP AGAIN." "THAT SUMS THINGS UP." "FABULOUS." "YOU'RE WELCOME TO HANG OUT WITH US, BOB, IF YOU'VE NOTHING BETTER TO DO." "YEAH." "I'M MEETING SOME OF THE BOYS FOR A BOOZE-UP LIKE THE OLD DAYS." "I WANT TO GO WITH BOB !" "I WANT TO GO TO THE BOYS' CLUB !" "YOU'LL HAVE SUPPER WITH US, ADAM, OR STAY IN YOUR ROOM AND WATCH TV." "[ TV, Indistinct ]" "[ Unlatches Suitcase ]" "HA !" "HE'S A GOOD MAN, OUR BOB." "YEAH." "NOT MY TYPE THOUGH." "[ Scoffs ] DON'T COME THE RAW PRAWN WITH ME." "I CAN SPOT THE FLUTTERING OF A BEADED LASH FROM 300 PACES." "OH, GET OUT." "HE'S FAR TOO OLD." "MIND YOU, SO AM I. MM-HMM." "DID YOU CATCH THAT MAIL-ORDER BRIDE ?" "WHY DID HE MARRY ?" "I'M DYING TO ASK." "WHOOPS." "SORRY." "DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT." "YOU'RE THE WORLD'S BEST HUSBAND..." "AND GIVEN THE CHANCE," "A PERFECTLY GOOD FATHER, TOO." "DO YOU REALLY THINK SO ?" "WHY ?" "THINKING ABOUT CHILDREN ?" "YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT." "[ Heeled Footsteps Approaching ]" "UM, DO YOU HAVE THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASCARA ?" "[ Chuckles, Sniffs ]" "YOU EVER WANTED KIDS ?" "SURE, BUT I'VE LEARNED NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT." "DO YOU THINK AN OLD QUEEN'S CAPABLE OF RAISING A CHILD ?" "WELL, ELIZABETH DID A PRETTY GOOD JOB." "PRINCE CHARLES IS A WONDERFUL BOY." "[ Clicks Tongue ] EDWARD'S STILL A BIT OF A WORRY." "WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY TURN OUT LIKE ADAM ?" "YOU STUFF THEM BACK IN AND ASK FOR A REFUND." "[ Laughing ]" "[ Laughing ]" "STUPID LITTLE SHIT." "I DREAD TO THINK WHAT HE'S UP TO." "[ Men Talking, Indistinct ]" "[ Talking Continues ]" "[ Talking, Laughing ]" "[ Talking, Laughing Continue ]" "[ Footsteps Approaching, Talking Stops ]" "HELLO." "I'M NEW IN TOWN." "NO KIING." "COULD I HAVE A BLOODY MARY, PLEASE ?" "IT'S A BEER OR NOTHING..." "SWEETHEART." "WELL, I BETTER HAVE A BEER THEN." "CHEERS." "WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ?" "I'M SORRY." "WE DON'T MEAN TO STARE." "WE DON'T USUALLY GET WOMEN DOWN HERE." "OH." "SO WHAT DO WOMEN DO AROUND HERE BESIDES WATCHING VIDEOS ?" "WELL, WELL, WELL !" "LOOK WHO WE HAVE HERE." "YOU KNOW THAT BLOKE, DO YOU ?" "NO." "SO, WHO'S GONNA SHOW ME THE SIGHTS ?" "BE MY PLEASURE." "OH." "SO HOW ABOUT IT ?" "WELL, I SUPPOSE A FUCK'S NOW OUT OF THE QUESTION." "GET HER, FRANK !" "COME ON, BOYS !" "COME ON, BOYS !" "WHO WANTS TO SEE MY MAP OF TASMANIA ?" "SO I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO TELL MY PARENTS..." "WHAT A WONDERFUL CHILDHOOD I'D HAD." "THEY NEVER SPOKE TO ME AGAIN AFTER I'D HAD..." "THE CHOP." "I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU." "[ Felicia Panting ] OH, SHIT." "[ Frank ] AFTER HIM !" "[ Felicia Laughing ]" "OKAY, FELLAS." "LET'S NOT FORGET HOW TO TREAT A LADY." "YOU FUCKING FREAK !" "[ Groaning ] [ Man ] GIVE IT TO HIM, FRANK." "HOLD HIM DOWN." "SPREAD HIS LEGS." "NO !" "PLEASE !" "FRANK, STOP !" "STOP !" "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ?" "YOU MEAN, YOU DO KNOW THIS COCKSUCKER." "GET OFF HIM, YOU MONGREL !" "HE WAS JOKING, OKAY ?" "NOW LEAVE THE LITTLE BUGGER ALONE !" " GET OUT OF THERE, BOB." " CUT IT OUT, FRANK." "PUT THE FAGGOT DOWN AND GET OUT OF THERE, OR YOU'LL BE NEXT !" " FRANK." " GET OUT OF THERE !" "[ Bernadette ] STOP FLEXING YOUR MUSCLES, YOU PILE OF BUDGIE TURD." "I'M SURE YOUR MATES WILL BE MUCH MORE IMPRESSED IF YOU GO BACK TO THE PUB..." "AND FUCK A COUPLE OF PIGS ON THE BAR." "BERNADETTE, PLEASE." ""BERNADETTE" ?" "WELL, I'LL BE DARNED." "THE WHOLE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN." "WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU WANT TO FUCK TOO, DO YOU ?" "COME ON, BERNADETTE." "COME AND FUCK ME." "THAT'S IT." "COME ON." "COME AND FUCK ME." "COME ON." "FUCK ME." "[ Knees Frank ] [ Groaning ]" "THERE." "NOW YOU'RE FUCKED." "[ Tick ] YOU STUPID IDIOT !" "DRUGS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE !" "WELL, THREE CHEERS FOR YOU !" "I HOPE YOU'RE BLOODY WELL HAPPY NOW !" "[ Crying ]" "WHAT A FUCKWIT !" "[ Continues Crying ]" "IT'S FUNNY." "WE ALL SIT AROUND MINDLESSLY SLAGGING OFF..." "THAT VILE STINKHOLE OF A CITY..." "BUT IN SOME STRANGE WAY, IT TAKES CARE OF US." "I DON'T KNOW IF THAT UGLY WALL OF SUBURBIA HAS BEEN PUT THERE..." "TO STOP THEM GETTING IN OR US GETTING OUT." "[ Continues Crying ]" "COME ON." "DON'T LET IT DRAG YOU DOWN." "LET IT TOUGHEN YOU UP." "I CAN ONLY FIGHT BECAUSE I'VE LEARNED TO." "BEING A MAN ONE DAY AND A WOMAN THE NEXT IS NOT AN EASY THING TO DO." "SORRY." "CAN'T HELP YOU." "NO WORRIES, MATE." "ARE WE BUNNY HOPPING ALL THE WAY TO ALICE ?" "NO GOOD." "HE SAYS THE MAN TO HELP IS A FAIR WAY OUT OF TOWN." "LIKE HOW FAIR ?" "COUPLE HUNDRED CLICKS FAIR." "NO MATTER." "GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO TODAY." "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE." "COME ON, ADAM." "WE'RE OUT OF HERE. A FINE ROMANCE" "WITH NO KISSES" "A FINE ROMANCE" "MY FRIEND MISSES" "WE SHOULD BE LIKE A COUPLE OF HOT TOMATOES" "SOME THINGS ARE SAID IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT." "I'M SORRY I GOT ANGRY WITH YOU LAST NIGHT..." "ALTHOUGH, I DARESAY, YOU DESERVED IT." "ANYWAY, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT." "YOU KNOW, THIS IS QUITE AN EXPERIENCE," "SITTING HERE WITH YOU NOW." "I CAN QUITE SAFELY SAY..." "I THINK YOUR TASTE IN CLOTHING IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE..." "BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SAY A WORD, CAN YOU ?" " OH, THIS IS GREAT FUN !" " [ Engine Rumbling ]" "WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM FINDING THIS GUY WITH A TANK, AREN'T WE ?" "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT ?" "BECAUSE HE'S NOT OUT HERE." "HE'S OUT HERE." "HE'S IN ALICE." "WELL, I CAN'T GO BACK TO COOBER PEDY FOR A WHILE." "NOT THE MOST POPULAR BLOKE IN THE WORLD BACK THERE ANYMORE." "[ Gasps, Groans ]" "HELLO." "HELLO." "WHO ARE YOU ?" "I YOUR WIFE." "BEST I BE GOING HOME, THEN." "NO, YOU NO GOING !" "I COMING TOO !" "I YOUR WIFE !" "SEE ?" "I YOUR WIFE !" "SILLY GIRL." "[ Chuckles ]" "SHE SHOULD HAVE DONE HER HOMEWORK BETTER." "[ Laughs ] SHE THOUGHT I WAS FROM SYDNEY." "WHY IN GOD'S NAME DID YOU BRING HER HOME ?" "SHE WAS ME WIFE." "COULDN'T YOU SELL HER OFF ?" "OH, THE PARTY'S OVER, EVERYONE." "IT TALKS." "CAN'T KEEP A GOOD BITCH DOWN." "WHAT TIME DO YOU RECKON WE'LL BE IN ALICE SPRINGS ?" "LATE TOMORROW." "HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE STAYING ?" "DON'T KNOW." "COUPLE DAYS, MAYBE." "HEY, BIG DAY FOR YOU TOMORROW." "WE ALL GET TO MEET THE MISSUS." "I SAW THAT SMILE, FELICIA." "ONE DEROGATORY WORD, AND I'M GONNA TAKE YOU BACK TO YOUR MATE..." "IN COOBER PEDY." "PLEASE, EVERYONE, TOMORROW'S GONNA BE TOUGH." "DON'T MAKE IT ANY HARDER." "[ Bernadette ] WE'RE ONLY TEASING." "WE WON'T OPEN OUR MOUTHS UNTIL YOU GIVE THE WORD." "THEN IT'S OPEN SEASON." "OH, WELL, TIME FOR BED." "I'VE GOT TO LOOK GOOD FOR THE WIFE IN THE MORNING." "COME ALONG, ADAM." "TIME FOR YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP." "COME ON." "[ Groans ]" "WILL YOU TWO BE JOINING US ?" "I JUST THOUGHT I'D HAVE ONE FOR THE ROAD." "HOW ABOUT YOU, BOB ?" "SOUNDS GOOD TO ME." "ALL RIGHT, THEN." "SEE YOU IN THE MORNING." "GOOD NIGHT." "ANOTHER PIECE OF CAKE, BOB ?" "[ Chuckles ] UH, NO." "OH." "SO..." "TELL ME ABOUT YOU." "[ Bob ] CAN'T COMPLAIN." "[ Laughing ] LIFE'S A LOT SIMPLER NOW." "I SPENT 30 YEARS WANDERING AROUND THE WORLD..." "ONLY TO FIND THAT I WAS BETTER OFF WHERE I STARTED." "NOT MUCH, BUT IT'S MY TURF." "[ Gasps ] OOH, SHIT." "ADAM !" "ADAM !" "WHAT ?" "GUESS WHO DIDN'T COME HOME LAST NIGHT." "I'VE WAITED ALL MY LIFE FOR THIS." "BERNICE HAS LEFT HER CAKE OUT IN THE RAIN." "[ Laughing ]" "HAVAH NAGILAH" "HAVAH HANGOVER" "HAVAH NAGILAH AY, AY, AY" "[ Vocalizing ] [ Tablet Fizzing ]" "[ Continues ]" "HAVAH NAGILAH HAVAH NAGILAH" "HAVAH NAGILAH VAYNISM' CHAYH" "HEY HAVAH NAGILAH HAVAH NAGILAH" "HAVAH NAGILAH VAYNISM' CHAYH" "[ Tick ] MY FUCKING BACK'S KILLING ME." "I NEED A CRAP." "DO YOU WANT ME TO GO IN ?" "NO, NO, I'LL GO." "EXCUSE ME, SIR." "YOU CAN'T PARK YOUR BUS HERE." "ARE YOU PLANNING ON STAYING AT THE HOTEL ?" "SORRY." "COULD YOU DIRECT ME TO MARION BARBER, PLEASE ?" "WE'RE THE CABARET ACT FROM SYDNEY." "OH, RIGHT, RIGHT." "GO THROUGH TO RECEPTION AND THEY'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT THROUGH." "THANKS." "IT'S ALL RIGHT, LENNY." "IT'S THE DRAG QUEENS." "COME ON, BOB." "LET'S GO TRY ON YOUR FROCK." "G'DAY." "JUST OVER THERE BY THE BACK BAR." "THANKS." "[ Marion ] NO, THOSE THREE KEGS DIDN'T ARRIVE." "I NEED THEM TODAY." "NOT TOMORROW, BUT TODAY." "YOU'RE A DOLL." "[ Hangs Up ] WHAT AN ASSHOLE." "[ Screams, Laughs ] MY GOD !" "HUSBAND, HUSBAND, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU !" "HIYA, WIFE." "YOU'RE A DAY LATE." "WHERE ARE THE OTHERS ?" "THEY'RE OUTSIDE." "YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT, YOU ROTTEN OLD QUEER." "IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME." "I CAN FINALLY GET INTO THAT OLD ONE-PIECE OF YOURS, THE ONE WITH THE SUNFLOWERS." "YOU'VE STILL GOT THAT ?" "WHAT DO YOU DO WITH IT ?" "THE POSEIDON ADVENTUREROUTINE." "SHELLY WINTERS." "[ Both Laughing ]" "WHERE IS HE ?" "[ Woman ] I'M VERY, VERY ANGRY WITH YOU." "THERE'S ONE THING I'D LIKE TO DO TO YOU:" "A GOOD SPANKING." "YOU CAN GET IT." "SPANK, SPANK, SPANK." "I'VE A GOOD MIND TO PUT YOU OVER MY KNEE." "I'LL SPANK-SPANK YOU BACK." "BENJ..." "DO YOU REMEMBER TICK ?" "HELLO, TICK." "HELLO." "[ Bernadette, Bob, Felicia Chattering ]" "[ Continue Chattering ]" " MR. BELROSE ?" " YES ?" "CONGRATULATIONS." "IT'S A BOY." "[ Baby Crying In Distance ]" "[ Gasps ]" "SHIT !" "YOU OKAY ?" "WHAT'S THE MATTER ?" "OH, MY GOD." "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, MITZ, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US ?" "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SHOCK ME LIKE THAT ?" "THIS LUMP ON MY HEAD IS GETTING BIGGER BY THE SECOND." "I'M ABOUT TO MAKE MY NORTHERN TERRITORIES DEBUT..." "LOOKING LIKE A FUCKING CARTOON CHARACTER HAS HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH AN IRON." "I THINK YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A DISNEY WITCH." "SHUT YOUR FACE, FELICIA." "AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY'S TRIED TO OPEN A CAN OF BEANS WITH MY FACE." "SORRY, GIRLS." "I COULDN'T STAND YOU BAGGING ME ON THE BUS FOR TWO WEEKS." "ANYWAY, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE NOW ?" "ABOUT TWO INCHES TO MY HEAD." "DID YOU GET A LOOK AT HIM ?" "HE'S GOT MY PROFILE." "I'M GONNA BE SICK." "I HATE TO BE PRACTICAL HERE, BUT DOES HE KNOW WHO YOU ARE ?" "DOES HE KNOW WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING ?" "HE KNOWS HE HAS A FATHER IN THE SHOW BUSINESS- COSMETICS INDUSTRY." "[ Scoffs ] OH, LORD, I DON'T UNDERSTAND." "NO, YOU DON'T, SO STOP TRYING !" "IT'LL BE FINE !" "IT HAD BETTER BE." "HELLO !" "OH, STOP WEARING OUT THAT MIRROR." "DO YOU ALWAYS KNOCK BEFORE YOU ENTER ?" "ALWAYS." "WHY ?" "HAVEN'T GOT ANYTHING TO HIDE IN THERE, HAVE YOU ?" "[ Laughs ]" "ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, YOU'RE ON IN TEN MINUTES." "YOU'VE BEEN ON EVER SINCE YOU WERE BORN." "WE'VE GOT A BIG CROWD." "LIKE, HOW BIG ?" "[ Marion ] A FULL HOUSE." " WHERE'S BENJ ?" " SAFE AND SOUND, ASLEEP IN BED." "DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING, MY LITTLE POWDER PUFF." "[ Bob Knocking ] CAN I COME IN ?" " NOW THERE'S A GENTLEMAN." "OF COURSE YOU CAN, BOB." "MY AUNT MINNIE IN HERE ?" "[ Chuckles ]" "DON'T MEAN TO BARGE IN." "JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU LUCK." "THANK YOU, BOB." " TO MAKE UP FOR LAST TIME." " THANK YOU." "THAT'S SO THOUGHTFUL." "[ Marion ] ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD." "YOU, OUT." "THAT'S A TEN-MINUTE CURTAIN CALL." "GOOD LUCK." "[ Door Closes ]" "QUITE A WIFE YOU GOT THERE." "WHAT DOES SHE DO IN HER SPARE TIME ?" "SAND BACK THE HULLS OF OIL TANKERS WITH HER TONGUE ?" "SHE SURE IS SOMETHING." "[ Groans ] WATCH MY JAW." "CHOOKERS, GIRLS." "BE CAREFUL WITH MY HEAD." "AREN'T WE FABULOUS ?" "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LASSETER'S CASINO OF ALICE SPRINGS PRESENTS..." "MISS MITZI DEL BRA, MISS FELICIA JOLLYGOODFELLOW..." "AND MISS BERNADETTE BASSENGER:" "THE SISTERS OF THE SIMPSON DESERT." "[ Disco ] MEETING MR. RIGHT THE MAN OF MY DREAMS" "THE ONE WHO SHOWED ME TRUE LOVE OR AT LEAST IT SEEMS" "WITH BROWN COCOA SKIN AND CURLY BLACK HAIR" "IT'S JUST THE WAY HE LOOKS AT ME" "THAT GENTLE, LOVIN' STARE" "FINALLY, YOU COME ALONG" "THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU IT JUST CAN'T BE WRONG" "IF YOU ONLY KNEW THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU" "I JUST CAN'T DESCRIBE IT OH, NO, NO" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "MY TWO LIPS CAN'T DESCRIBE IT" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "AND I JUST CANNOT HIDE IT" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "MY TWO LIPS CAN'T DESCRIBE IT" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "AND I JUST CANNOT HIDE IT" "IT SEEMED SO MANY TIMES HE SEEMED TO BE THE ONE" "BUT ALL HE EVER WANTED WAS TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN" "BUT NOW YOU'VE COME ALONG AND BRIGHTENED UP MY WORLD" "IN MY HEART I FEEL IT I'M A SPECIAL KIND OF GIRL" "FINALLY, YOU'VE COME ALONG" "THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU" "IT JUST CAN'T BE WRONG" "IF YOU ONLY KNEW THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU" "I JUST CAN'T DESCRIBE IT OH, NO, NO" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "MY TWO LIPS CAN'T DESCRIBE IT" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "AND I JUST CANNOT HIDE IT" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "MY TWO LIPS CAN'T DESCRIBE IT" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "AND I JUST CANNOT HIDE IT" "FINALLY" "OH, FINALLY" "YEAH, YEAH" "OH, OH" "[ Vocalizing ]" "[ Continues ]" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "MY TWO LIPS CAN'T DESCRIBE IT" "FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE" "AND I JUST CANNOT HIDE IT" "FINALLY, OH, YEAH" "YEAH" "[ Vocalizing ]" "[ Continues ]" "FINALLY, OH, YEAH" "[ Halfhearted Applause ]" "[ One Table Applauding Wildly, Cheering ]" "COME ON, EVERYBODY !" "YES !" "MORE, MORE !" "COME ON !" "[ Marion, Bob, Benj Continue Cheering ]" "[ Benj ] WE WANT MORE !" "[ Marion ] YES !" "MAGNIFICENT !" "[ Wild Cheering Continues ] BRAVO !" "MORE !" "[ Benj ] WE WANT MORE !" "[ Audience Gasps ]" "COME ON." "SNAP OUT OF IT." "COME ON, MATE." "YOU'LL BE FINE." "[ Gasping ]" "COME ON, LOVE." "[ Bob ] THAT'S IT, MATE." "YOU SCARED US ALL FOR A MINUTE." "YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE THAT EXTRA ATTENTION." "NICE ONE, LOVEY." "NICE ONE." "SHIT." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MARION ?" "YOU LIAR." "YOU TOLD ME HE'D BE IN BED." "OH, SHUSH." "DRINK YOUR DAIQUIRI." "I HATE BLOODY DAIQUIRI." "NO, YOU DON'T." "YOU LOVE DAIQUIRIS." "AT LEAST NOW I KNOW WHY DRAG QUEENS DRINK FROM SUCH BIG GLASSES:" "TO MAKE THEIR HANDS LOOK SMALLER." "[ Mimics Marion's Laughing ]" "WHAT AM I GONNA SAY TO THE BOY ?" "I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED." "I THINK YOU'RE OVERREACTING." "REALLY ?" "YES, YOU'RE JUST BEING A DRAMA QUEEN." "YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DROP ALL THAT SHIT IF YOU'RE GONNA BE A GOOD FATHER." "DON'T PRETEND TO BE SURPRISED." "I'VE KEPT MY END OF THE BARGAIN." "NOW IT'S YOUR TURN." "NOT FOREVER, MAYBE JUST FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS." "WHY NOW ?" "BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HAD A HOLIDAY IN EIGHT YEARS." "I NEED A REST, TICK." "I NEED SOME SPACE." "REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING I SAID NOT SO LONG AGO." "WELL, I DO." "BESIDES, IT'S TIME HE KNEW WHO HIS FATHER WAS ANYWAY." "THAT'S THE PROBLEM." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL HIM." "WHAT DO YOU ASSUME I DO, LIE ?" "ASSUMPTION, MY DEAR MITZ, IS THE MOTHER OF ALL FUCK-UPS." "DON'T BITCH TO ME." "BITCH TO HIM." "THANKS FOR THE FREE ADVICE." "YOU MIGHT BE IN FOR A PLEASANT SURPRISE." "[ Wheel Clicking ]" "[ Bernadette ] WHO IS IT ?" "IT'S ME, BOB." "YOUR FLOWERS ARE BEING MANGLED." "THOUGHT I'D RESCUE THEM FOR YOU." "GOOD IDEA." "THANKS." "WHAT'S THE MATTER ?" "NOTHING." "YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR FATHER DOES FOR A LIVING ?" "YEAH." "SO I SUPPOSE YOU KNOW HE DOESN'T REALLY LIKE GIRLS." "DOES HE HAVE A BOYFRIEND AT THE MOMENT ?" "NO." "NEITHER DOES MUM." "SHE USED TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, BUT SHE GOT OVER HER." "DO YOU WANT TO PLAY IN MY ROOM ?" "I'VE GOT LEGO." "SURE." "COME ON, BUTCH." "GET A MOVE ON." "WE CAN'T BRAND THE CATTLE ALL BY OURSELVES." "GREAT SHOW LAST NIGHT." "DO YOU ALWAYS END THE NUMBER LIKE THAT ?" "] ALWAYS." "[ Wolf Whistle" "[ Laughing ]" "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK HER UP EVERY NIGHT ?" "BE A PLEASURE." "I THINK THAT MIGHT INCLUDE TAKING THE LADY HOME..." "AND TUCKING HER INTO BED, JEFF." "WHAT'S THE PAY LIKE, MARION ?" "OOH, THAT ONE'S GONNA GET HIMSELF INTO TROUBLE ONE DAY." "IF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT, YOU MIGHT BE THE LUCKY FELLOW." "[ Bob ] COME ON, ALL ABOARD." "SO TAKE A LETTER, MARIA" "ARESS IT TO MY WIFE JUST WATCH IT WITH THE INNUENDOS, MARION." "AT LEAST GIVE ME A CLEAR SHOT AT THIS." "YOU CALL DRESSING UP LIKE A XANADU PRODUCTION NUMBER A CLEAR SHOT ?" "COME ON, TICK." "WHO'S KIING WHO AROUND HERE ?" "HE SURE AS SHIT ISN'T." "SEND A COPY TO MY LAWYER" "GOT TO START A NEW LIFE" "YOU'VE BEEN MANY THINGS BUT MOST OF ALL" "A GOOD SECRETARY TO ME" "WHAT AM I DOING ?" "SWIMMING, SWIMMING." "UM..." "ALL RIGHT." "[ Marion ] ROCK." "ROCK." "RIVER ROCK, UM" "OH, ROCK HUDSON !" "YOU SILLY OLD FAG." "[ Benj ] MY TURN, MY TURN." "[ Felicia ] OKAY, SMARTY-PANTS." "YOU GIVE IT A GO." "COME ON, THEN." "IT'S A-- PERSON." "A SEXY WOMAN." "A FAMOUS WOMAN." "OH, UH-- BABY." "ROCKING." "[ Marion ] I KNOW THIS ONE." "RACE HORSE !" "CAT." "SCARY CAT." "UH, SCARY MOOSE." "SCARY DOG." "[ Bob ] I KNOW, I KNOW." "[ Bernadette ] UH, LINDY CHAMBERLAIN." "THAT WAS APPALLING, BENJI." "WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT ?" "MUM DID." "[ Marion ] LIES, ALL LIES." "[ Chuckling ]" "COME ON, ADAM." "UP." "[ Groaning ]" "TIME IS AGAINST US, AND WE HAVE THINGS TO DO." "COME ON, YOU BUTCH THING, YOU." "OH, NO, COUNT ME OUT." "ALL FOR ONE." "[ Felicia ] COME ON, TICK." "NO." "HMM." "COME ON, ADAM." "LET'S GET FROCKED." "[ Chuckles ]" "SO, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO FINALLY HAVE A FATHER ?" "IT'S OKAY." "I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT." "I DON'T ALWAYS DRESS UP IN WOMEN'S CLOTHES." "I MEAN, DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA." "[ Spits ]" "I MEAN, I DO A LOT OF DIFFERENT STUFF..." "LIKE..." "ELVIS..." "AND GARY GLITTER." "ABBA ?" "I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THE ABBA SHOW," "BUT I'D REALLY LIKE TO SEE IT." "WOULD YOU DO ABBA FOR ME ?" "SURE." "YOU KNOW WHAT I AM, DON'T YOU ?" "MUM SAYS YOU'RE THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS." "WELL, YOUR MOTHER WAS ALWAYS PRONE TO EXAGGERATION." "WILL YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHEN WE GET BACK TO SYDNEY ?" "MAYBE." "THAT'S GOOD." "COME ON." "WHERE ARE WE GOING ?" "WE'RE GOING TO UNLEASH THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS !" "I HAD A DREAM." "[ Opera ]" "[ Continues ] WELL, WE DID IT." "IT NEVER ENDS, DOES IT ?" "ALL THAT SPACE." "SO, WHAT NOW ?" "I THINK I WANT TO GO HOME." "ME TOO." "WELL, THEN..." "LET'S FINISH THE SHOWS AND GO HOME." "DON'T GO WITHOUT LEAVING ME YOUR NUMBER, SUNSHINE." "ALREADY TAKEN CARE OF, JEFF." "IT'S AT THE FAR END OF THE MEN'S CUBICLE." ""FOR A GOOD TIME, PHONE FELICIA."" "CAN WE STOP AT McDONALD'S ?" "THAT'S A GOOD IDEA." "I'VE HAD ENOUGH SHITTY FOOD." "FUCKING CRAYFISH." "WHERE THE HELL DO YOU START ?" "STOP IT." "LAY IT ON THE LINE." "DON'T CONCEAL A THING." "THAT'S THE KEY." "IF HE DOESN'T LIKE IT, STIFF BIKKIES." "HE CAN BUY HIS OWN TICKET BACK." "WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WORD GETS OUT THAT MITZI'S GOT A MINOR ?" "THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, NOT HIS." "HE KNOWS WHEN AND WHERE TO LISTEN." "MORALS ARE A CHOICE, AND HE'LL DECIDE HIS OWN WHEN HE'S READY." "WELL, THAT'S IT." "YOU'RE ALL PACKED." "YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING." "WE HAVEN'T GOT BERNADETTE'S SHOES UPON BOARD YET." "I HATE TO SAY THIS." "I WISH I WAS GOING WITH YOU." "YOUR GAS TANK WILL BE FINE." "YOUR AXLE MAY BE ANOTHER MATTER." "I'M SURE THE ROAD HOME WILL JUST BE FILLED WITH BORED MECHANICS..." "WAITING FOR A BUS OF DRAG QUEENS TO SPIRIT THEM AWAY." "OH, I WISH." "WE WON'T EVEN SPIRIT GUM AT THIS RATE." "WHERE THE HELL IS BERNADETTE ?" "HERE." "COME ON, CABANOSSI TITS." "WHERE ARE YOUR BAGS ?" "IN MY ROOM." "I'M NOT GOING." "I'VE DECIDED TO STAY HERE FOR A WHILE." "[ Tick ] OH, REALLY ?" "AND YOU'RE CHOOSING TO TELL US NOW ?" "SHE TOLD ME A FEW WEEKS BACK, JUST WHEN I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY TO HANDLE..." "THE GUEST ENTERTAINMENT WHILE I'M AWAY." "OH, I GET IT." "WHO'S BEEN PLAYING HIDE THE SAUSAGE THEN ?" "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I THROW UP." "COME ON, BENJ." "HOPE YOU CAN DRIVE." "NOT WITHOUT A HUG." "WHOA !" "[ Benj, Marion Screaming ]" "YOU SURE ?" "NO, I'M NOT SURE." "BUT I'LL NEVER KNOW UNLESS I GIVE IT A SHOT." "I'M AS JEALOUS AS ALL HELL." "SHIT." "RACCOON TIME AGAIN." "[ Marion ] GOOD-BYE." "DON'T FORGET TO WRITE." "LOVE YOU." "WISH I WAS STAYING." "BYE !" "TAKE CARE OF HER." "BYE-BYE !" "BYE, MOM !" "BYE, RALPH !" "[ Laughing ] YEAH, SEE YOU, RALPH !" "I'VE BEEN CHEATED BY YOU SINCE I DON'T KNOW WHEN" "SO I MADE UP MY MIND IT MUST COME TO AN END" "LOOK AT ME NOW WILL I EVER LEARN" "I DON'T KNOW HOW" "BUT I SUENLY LOSE CONTROL" "THERE'S A FIRE WITHIN MY SOUL" "JUST ONE LOOK AND I CAN HEAR A BELL RING" "ONE MORE LOOK AND I FORGET EVERYTHING, OH" "MAMMA MIA HERE I GO AGAIN" "MY, MY HOW CAN I RESIST YOU" "MAMMA MIA DOES IT SHOW AGAIN" "MY, MY JUST HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU" "YES, I'VE BEEN BROKENHEARTED" "BLUE SINCE THE DAY WE PARTED" "WHY, WHY DID I EVER LET YOU GO" "MAMMA MIA NOW I REALLY KNOW" "MY, MY I COULD NEVER LET YOU GO" "I'VE BEEN ANGRY AND SAD ABOUT THINGS THAT YOU DO" "I CAN'T COUNT ALL THE TIMES THAT I TOLD YOU WE'RE THROUGH" "AND WHEN YOU GO WHEN YOU SLAM THE DOOR" "I THINK YOU KNOW" "THAT YOU WON'T BE AWAY TOO LONG" "YOU KNOW THAT I'M NOT THAT STRONG" "JUST ONE LOOK AND I CAN HEAR A BELL RING" "ONE MORE LOOK AND I FORGET EVERYTHING, WHOA-WHOA" "MAMMA MIA HERE I GO AGAIN" "MY, MY HOW CAN I RESIST YOU" "MAMMA MIA DOES IT SHOW AGAIN" "MY, MY JUST HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU" "YES, I'VE BEEN BROKENHEARTED [ Crowd Cheering ]" "BLUE SINCE THE DAY WE PARTED" "WHY, WHY DID I EVER LET YOU GO" "MAMMA MIA NOW I REALLY KNOW" "MY, MY I COULD NEVER LET YOU GO" "[ Cheering ]" "NO, THAT'S ENOUGH." "OH, MY TITS ARE FALLING DOWN." "JESUS !" "THANK YOU !" "THANK YOU !" "IT'S GOOD TO BE HOME !" "SOMETIMES THE SNOW COMES DOWN IN JUNE" "SOMETIMES THE SUN GOES 'ROUND THE MOON" "I SEE THE PASSION IN YOUR EYES" "SOMETIMES IT'S ALL A BIG SURPRISE" "'CAUSE THERE WAS A TIME WHEN ALL I DID WAS WISH" "YOU'D TELL ME THIS WAS LOVE" "IT'S NOT THE WAY I HOPED" "OR HOW I PLANNED" "BUT SOMEHOW IT'S ENOUGH" "AND NOW WE'RE STANDING FACE-TO-FACE" "ISN'T THIS WORLD A CRAZY PLACE" "JUST WHEN I THOUGHT OUR CHANCE HAD PASSED" "YOU GO AND SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST" "ALL OF THE NIGHTS YOU CAME TO ME" "WHEN SOME SILLY GIRL HAD SET YOU FREE" "YOU WONDERED HOW YOU'D MAKE IT THROUGH" "I WONDERED WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU" "'CAUSE HOW COULD YOU GIVE YOUR LOVE TO SOMEONE ELSE" "AND SHARE YOUR DREAMS WITH ME" "SOMETIMES THE VERY THING YOU'RE LOOKING FOR" "IS THE ONE THING YOU CAN'T SEE" "BUT NOW WE'RE STANDING FACE-TO-FACE" "ISN'T THIS WORLD A CRAZY PLACE" "JUST WHEN I THOUGHT OUR CHANCE HAD PASSED" "YOU GO AND SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST" "SOMETIMES THE SNOW COMES DOWN IN JUNE" "SOMETIMES THE SUN GOES 'ROUND THE MOON" "JUST WHEN I THOUGHT OUR CHANCE HAD PASSED" "YOU GO AND SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST" "YOU WENT AND SAVED THE BEST" "FOR LAST" "YEAH" "CLOSED-CAPTIONED BY CAPTIONS, INC." "LOS ANGELES"