"***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "***" "Sync  corrections by honeybunny" "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight." "Oh, Chloe." "Only the rain has such small hands." "Hello?" "Yeah, hi, Hannah." "What gives with the pages?" "Oh, hi, David." "You know what?" "I was actually just gonna call you this afternoon because I was hoping you could rehash some of the thoughts that you'd had about my first draft for me." "I want this new one to be a second draft with third draft potential." "Honey, it's becoming clear to me that you're not really committed to this." "That is absolutely not true." "Uh... that is not true." "I just, um-- I've sustained an injury which I didn't want to burden you with." "I have an ear concussion." "I don't know if I'm talking loudly right now at all." "Honey, I'm not hearing this." "I just" " I understand, but it's" "I'm having some strange auditory symptoms that are making working a little challenging." "Hannah, you're making me into that guy." "You know the guy I'm talking about?" "The guy that we made fun of in our work for years." "You know, the guy who says, "Hannah, we cut you a check."" " I know that." " And did you spend that check?" "It's hard for me to tell whether I spent that check or a different check, so I'm gonna have to check." "Okay, well, if you don't give us the pages, then..." "Then what would happen?" "Then we sue you." "Are you serious?" "Fucking serious." "I have a lot at stake with you." "I care about you." "And yet I'm leaning on you." "I'm dependent on you." "Because you are the future, I guess." "So, can I have some pages today?" "Okay, I'm on it." " I am on it." " Hanging up." "I'm gonna write a whole book in a day." "I'm gonna write a full book in one day." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God, you have no idea how good this feels." "Oh, baby." "I want to make you feel like this." "Yeah?" "Tell me what it feels like." "I can feel it in my whole body." "Oh, come on." "When did you get so good at this?" "Seriously, when did you get so good at this?" "How many people have you slept with since we broke up?" " You serious?" " Yeah." "I'm not doing this with you, dudette." "Relax." "Okay." "You can finish if you want to." "What?" "You can." "I want you to." " Um..." " What can I do?" "No, I kinda-- I just" "I'm just not that into it tonight." "I'm just not-- mm-mm." "If you don't finish, I'm not gonna finish." " What?" " I'm not finishing unless you finish." "Why are you being weird?" " You're being weird." " What?" "No, I'm not" " Don't be weird." " I'm not being weird." "You are being weird." "Will you get out of me?" "What?" "What is it that you want, Shosh?" "I want..." "You have no ambition and it's wearing on me-- your lack of ambition." "Okay." "This again." "This is a real issue?" "Yes, it's a real issue." "Okay, so this is a real issue." "Yeah, that's good." "I like that." "What?" "That's good." "I like that." "Sorry, but when we have sex, you get a bad case of the whispers." "I just said-- that's good, too." " You like my cock?" " I do." "I like it." " You really like it?" " Yeah, I love it." "You're a dirty little whore and you love my cock." "No, I can like your cock and not be a whore." "Do you understand?" "Yes." "Okay." "Slow down again." "Okay, and back up a little bit." "Yeah, and bear down." "No, babe." "Babe." "Babe, not so fast, okay?" "Will you just go a little slower for me, please?" " Yeah, I do like that." " Mm-hmm." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, my God." "Hey." "Hey, banana." "How you feeling?" "How's your "widdle eaw"?" "Doesn't feel so good, Dad." "It's really aching." "And there's blood crusting off of it." "I feel kind of crazy." "Maybe" "Ugh!" "I should go back to the hospital." "You know, I'm gonna see your mother in about 10 minutes." "Why don't we get back on the phone and we can confab about that?" "She is really much better at this stuff." "She's a medical hobbyist." "Okay, but before we talk to Mom," "I was thinking maybe I could just discuss this with you for a moment, which is that I'm" "I've been having a little bit of trouble writing just because of this injury." "I'm hearing weird noises and I can't really focus on the page, just kind of blinking." "Now, you know, I'm a few days late with my pages, which wouldn't be a problem except they've already given me an advance." "So they've said that they could-- they've said that they could potentially sue me." " Sue you?" " So I was wondering if maybe you could just lend me the amount of the advance so that I could pay them back, and then I could restore a little freedom to my process." "You know, Hannah, I keep trying, but you keep making me feel jerked around." "Jerked around how?" "Manipulated!" "That's the way I feel, very manipulated." "I stick up for you to your mother and you make me look like a fool." "But how can I be manipulating you if I don't even know I'm being manipulative?" "You spent a lot of time as a kid inventing reasons not to go to school, and damn it if that hasn't lasted well into your adult life." "I had scarlet fever." "It's not my fault that no one believed me." "I could diagnose it myself from reading Louisa May Alcott." "Are you even taking your pills?" "Of course I'm taking my pills." "How could you even ask me that?" "Of course I'm taking my pills." "I'm not crazy." "Well, then, you're doing what you need to do." "And God damn it if I'm gonna let you stop my heart every three hours with-- with-- with drama." "So, no, we will not lend you any money." "I'm sorry, Daddy." "Look at that." " I'm jacked." " Yeah." "Good old brunch." "See, this is what I keep trying to tell Hannah when she's talking about all of her wandering, is that there's an end point." "We have all these experiences so that eventually we can settle down." "Uh, wait, what?" "Well, like we have our experiences and now they're behind us." "Okay." "What do you-- what do you mean?" "Like we're settled down." "We're old fogies now." "Huh." "Okay." "Settled down." "Hmm." "Are you trying to tell me that we're not dating?" "No, um..." "Because I know how this works." " Okay?" " Okay." "I can take a fucking hint." "And I'm sorry, I just never imagined in a million years that you and I would be having casual sex." " That was loud." " Charlie!" "There are people here." "You know what?" "I would offer to pay, but that would be insulting to you." "Yeah, don't worry." "Thank you." "So you really don't want to date me?" "It's your last chance." "Right from across the room." " Hey, hey." " What?" " What are you doing?" " I don't know what I'm doing, Charlie." "This has been the worst year of my life." " Look, I didn't know that." " Now you do, okay?" "Enjoy that information." "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "What's wrong?" "What's wrong?" "I want you." "I know I'm a mess, but I want you." "I want to see you every morning and I want to make you a snack every night." "And eventually I want to have your little brown babies and I want to watch you die." "That's all I ever wanted to hear." " Is it?" " Shit, man." "I love you." "Maybe I'm an idiot for it, but I always have." "Everything good that I try and do," "I do it because of you." "And I try and get away, but I just keep coming back." "And I don't-- that's because I love you." "I just want you to know that I don't love you for your money." "I don't because I don't even know how much money you have." "A bunch." "A lot." "A lot of money." " Hey, Ray." " I'm not here." "Hermie, I need to talk to you." "How do I process the fact that you're here on an off-day, Ray?" "I need to make some changes in my life, Hermie." "Okay?" "Now, look, I admire you." " Thank you." " Whether you know it or not, I admire you." "However, I really, really, really don't want to become like you." "I don't blame you." "I want to go back and finish up my PhD, full-time Latin studies." "Latin studies?" "Ray, please, at least something" "My girlfriend is very, very worried about my lack of motivation." "Very worried." "And it worries me." "Is this the same girlfriend that carries that purse that's shaped like a croissant?" " It's a clutch bag, Hermie." " Ray, trust me." "She doesn't want a Latin scholar." "She wants somebody who can support her for the rest of her life so she can keep buying purses shaped like different bread products." " All right, thanks for your time." " Ray, I'm sorry." "I'm just being honest." "Wait, hold on." "I wasn't gonna bring this up to you, but I'm opening another Grumpy's in Brooklyn Heights." "Two floors, pizza oven-- just signed the lease." "Wow." "Congratulations." "I'd love you to be the man in charge." "Build it from the ground up." "Your place." "I'm not gonna be around forever, Ray." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It's internal stuff." "Doesn't even matter." "A lot of it's, you know, systemic, really." "But-- but you're okay." "I mean" "But anyway, it's something I think you'd be good at." "Something I think you could make a nice living and do everything else you want on the weekends, on the side." "That's what weekends are for, Ray." "All right, fuck it." "Brooklyn Heights is classy." " I'm in." " All right." "There you go." "What's my title?" "Your title is manager." "Ray the manager." "No, no, no." "It's got to be-- it's got to be a more impressive title." "I've got to impress Shoshanna." "Something-- yeah." "Something, like, overarching." "District Chief" "Logistics and Operations Supervisor." "That's kind of dispassionate, but, yeah, something along those lines." " You'll think about it." " I won't let you down." " Thanks, Ray." " All right, appreciate it." "Developmental Operations Coordinator." "Hannah?" "Hannah, are you in there?" "Are you okay?" "I haven't heard from you in days." "I'm coming in, okay?" "Hannah, if you're here," "I only want to help." "Hannah?" "Okay, I'm not looking under the bed 'cause that's ridiculous." "Okay, I didn't really want to cut that piece." "It's not that bad." "Fuck." "I am so honored you asked me to do this." "Yeah, I needed some help to reach the back, so I'm happy you're available." " Well, it was clearly meant to be." " Mm-hmm." "I think I nailed this." "Think I'm done." " Already?" " Yeah." "That's it." "It's not that hard to do." " Thank you." " Should grab a dustpan and nab that hair." "All right." "Yeah, that looks real nice." "I'm feeling just a little bit frail." "Haven't been eating that much, so I don't know if I look, like, scary thin or anything." "Nope, you look like your "volumptuous" self to me." "You know when you're young and you drop a glass and your dad says, "Get out of the way"" "so you can be safe while he cleans it up?" "Well, now no one really cares if I clean it up myself." "No one really cares if I get cut with glass." "If I break something, no one says, "Let me take care of that."" " You know?" " I" " I do know." "I cut myself all the time cleaning up glass." "Laird, I'm so dizzy and nauseous." "I don't feel..." " so great." " You okay?" "Hey." "Hannah?" "Hey." "Hey, do you need a doctor?" " Hannah, do you need" " Laird, please be reasonable, okay?" "I don't have the strength to fight you off this time." "You know what, Hannah?" "You are the most self-involved, presumptuous person I have ever met, ever." "I had feelings for you, sure, until I realized how rotten your insides are." " Are you serious?" " Very." "I think it's a pretty dark scene inside your head." "I don't have anything to say to that, Laird, except I'm sorry and..." "I didn't think about you as a person and I understand now that was wrong." "Well, thank you." "Apology accepted." "So this isn't about the job, is it?" "Not totally, no." "I just thought you'd be so excited." "I" " I am so excited for you." "For me." "I don't think this is working." "Are you breaking up with me?" "No, I'm" "Not exactly." "Well, when the fuck did this happen?" "Okay, I love you so much." "Like, to the ends of the world and back so much." "But sometimes I love you the way that, like," "I feel sorry for a monkey." "Like, they're just-- they need so much help and they're in such an ugly cage." "You know what I mean?" "This is-- this is not correct." "You don't want this, okay?" "You don't know what you're doing." "You don't want this." "Okay, you go to therapy and, like, I'll have my personal renaissance." " And" " Therapy?" "Are you kidding me?" "I don't need fucking therapy, Shoshanna." "Yes, you do!" "There's someone else, isn't there?" "Hmm?" " No." " Is that what it is?" " What?" "No." "No." " You met someone else." "No one gets out unless there's someone on the docket." "On the back burner." "There's the blond man?" " Scandinavian?" "Tall?" "Muscular?" " No, there's nobody else, especially not an adult male blond." "You know me better than that." "I can't be surrounded by your negativity while I'm trying to grow into a fully formed human." "You hate everything!" "Seriously, you hate everything." "You hate the sound of children playing." "And you hate all of your living relatives." "And you hate people who wear sunglasses even during the day." "You hate going to dinner, which you know I love." "You hate colors." "You hate pillows." "You hate ribbons." "You hate everything!" "I can't be the only thing you like." "And-- and maybe" "I can deal with your black soul better when I'm older, but I can't handle it now." "So maybe you just have to go change and then we can be in love at another time." "I need to change?" "Maybe you need to change." "You ever think about that?" "Hmm?" "Maybe you're the one who needs to fucking change." "Maybe then you'll appreciate the difference between negativity and critical thinking!" "Maybe you have to change." "Maybe then you'll appreciate my black soul." "I'm gonna get the rest of my shit later when you're at ballet barre." "You've reached Jessa." "I would never listen to a voice mail, but if you insist on trying..." "Oh, hello." "You fucker!" "Are you kidding me?" "Where did you go?" "And who am I supposed to talk to if you won't answer your fucking phone?" "Okay?" "That anorexic Marnie?" "Fucking Shoshanna?" "Or my stalker ex-boyfriend?" "It's not like any of them want to talk to me." "I don't blame them 'cause I cut off all my fucking hair!" "And now you're off somewhere just living it up wearing a crop top." "You probably got your vagina pierced." "And you're not answering your phone and you're forgetting about everyone who's fucking it up here." "So I hope you're having a great time!" "Love you!" "Ah!" "Fucker!" "What?" "!" "Fucking open." "Operate!" "Siri, operate!" "Hel" " Hannah?" "Hi." "What's going on?" "Nothing much." "You?" "Is this fucking FaceSpace or whatever?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I didn't mean to, actually." "I hit it with my face by accident." "I wish you weren't seeing me." "I look a little-- so you got an iPhone?" "I really never imagined you'd do that." " What do you want?" " Me?" "Oh, I was just checking in on you." "Wanted to say hi, see if you're, um, doing better or..." "I'm okay." "I'm good." "Good." "I'm so glad. 'Cause, you know, life can be scary." "Life has much intense and you kind of just have to, like, ride it like a pony or you'll get a haircut, so..." "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "Nothing." "I'm really good." " Hannah." " Yeah?" " Is that still going on?" " Is what going on?" "That stuff from high school." "The OCDC shit." "Mm-mm." "No." "What did you just do over your shoulders?" "What shoulders?" "Kid, I saw you." "I can see you in this thing." "I thought you were done with that." "So did I." "I feel like I'm unraveling, Adam." "I'm really, really scared." "Stay right where you are." "I'm coming to you." "Keep looking at me." "Don't move." "You really don't have to do this." "Adam!" "That guy can suck a fucking spiky one." "I'm going underground, so I'm gonna lose you for a second, okay?" "But I'm gonna get you right back." "Honestly, please don't worry about me." "Hold on." "Hannah, get the door." "No, I don't want to see anyone." "I'm scared." "Hannah, open the fucking door!" "Don't yell at me." "This was a huge part of the problem in the first place." "You're here." "Well, I was always here." "Sync  corrections by honeybunny" "♪ For once ♪" "♪ There is nothing up my sleeve ♪" "♪ Just some scars ♪" "♪ From a life that used to trouble me ♪" "♪ I used to run ♪" "♪ At first sight of the sun ♪" "♪ Now I lay here waiting ♪" "♪ For you to wake up ♪" "♪ The city outside ♪" "♪ Still sounds like it's on fire ♪" "♪ You put on your seat ♪" "♪ The white flag of a Saturday night ♪" "♪ I know we stayed up ♪" "♪ Talking in circles ♪" "♪ But I like to think the symmetry ♪" "♪ Will keep me close to you ♪" "♪ 'Cause for once ♪" "♪ There is nothing up my sleeve ♪" "♪ Just some scars ♪" "♪ From a life that used to trouble me ♪" "♪ I used to run ♪" "♪ At first sight of the sun ♪" "♪ Now I lay here waiting ♪" "♪ For you to wake up ♪" "♪ I lay here waiting ♪" "♪ For you to wake up. ♪"