"Previously on Weeds:" "That was a real nice brick dance." " I left you a package in the garage." " Heroin." " We need these votes." " I'm thinking golf membership." " I don't play golf." " What is it you do play, Celia?" "I play house." "We're shooting a movie in one of our empty houses." "Needs a caterer." "You'll thank me later." "Can you convince Mom I'm stuck in a classroom of religious zealots two clicks away from jihad?" "I like you, Nancy Botwin." "I bet you look good rolling right out of bed." "You been fucking him the whole time?" "It's just business between us." "Always has been." "Agent Fundis, DEA." "I'm here about Peter Scottson." "He hasn't come to work for a few days." "We haven't heard from him." "Clinique gonna take you out the room and fuck the gay out of you." "I can see your boner." "Don't be embarrassed." "That's what God's love is all about." " I've been shot." " You think it was the Mexicans?" "Cucaracha motherfuckers." "Now, where's our crop?" "You get your fucking crops and then we're done with your ass." "It's over when I say it's over." " U-turn." "U-turn." "Oh, my God." " Call for help." "I've been waiting a long time for this, motherfucker." "U-turn's dead." "He's dead." "Why, exactly, is he in a hot tub?" "The boat didn't fit." "Oh, of course not." "Look at his grandmama crying over there in her designer dress." "He sure was good to her." "She gonna miss that gravy train." "Someone should go over there and poke him, see if he flinches." "Just to be sure." "Yeah, he look pretty dead to me." "What's up, Two-Strikes?" "Hey, Clinique." "How you doing, baby?" "Oh, I'm fucking pregnant again." "Some Indian kid I mercy fucked for U-turn." "Oh, sorry." "Y'all know each other?" "No." "Hi." " Two-Strikes, is it?" "Nancy." "Hello." " Yeah." "What's up?" "I ain't giving this one up." "Damn." "I remember when he was just a wannabe and we busted our carjacking cherries together." "Taught me how to drive-by." "Respect." "Thank you." "Don't think of this as a loss of identity, think of this as an upgrade to a better way of life." "Better services, better schools, better tax base." " This merger..." " Oh, enough." "Agrestic and Majestic are never gonna merge." "I told them about your deal with Celia." "Where are our houses?" " Yeah, where are ours?" " I was more than generous with you." "Let's get an idea of how the vote's gonna go." "I gotta get home." "All those in favour of a town merger with Majestic say "aye."" " Aye." " All those against?" " Nay." " Oh, the nays have it." "Up your ass, Groff." "Friends, this is a colossal mistake." " Think of the people you represent." " The votes aren't there." "Nothing more to say." "Find yourself another town to swallow." "Celia can help." "She's good at that." "All right, not so fast, fourth-grader." "There is a way to bypass the city council on this issue if it's put to a referendum." "The town can decide." "Referendum." "Hell of an idea, Councilwoman Hodes." " Whore." " Whore." " Whore." " Whore." " You did that on purpose." " Guys." " What's wrong with you people?" " Whore." "Miss Hodes knows this is good for Agrestic." "Whatever." "Let's get out of here." "I wanna thank you for that." "Hey, that's what friends do." "I don't wanna be your friend." "Come home with me." "What about lunch tomorrow?" "I'm not hungry for food." "Well, maybe by then you will be." "So, what does this mean for our debt?" "Are we off the hook?" "Depends on who makes new leader." "Well, how does that work?" "Is there an election?" "What, you ain't get the ballot?" "There's Marvin, maybe he can shed some light." "Hey, Marvin." "How you doing?" "Okay." "I know this must be really hard for you." "Losing your friend, your coz." "Which could mean your cousin or not I'm a little unclear." "But also your leader." "My dad and his mom were second cousins." "Oh, there you go." "So I just also wanted to say it's been great getting to know you and maybe one day..." " Wait." "You think because U-turn's dead you're off the hook?" "No." "Who's in charge now?" "Me." "I'm the nigga in charge over here." "You owe me now." "Got a problem with that?" "No, no, no." "It's just..." "It's a big job you're taking on, Marvin." "I'm a big boy." "Yeah, how your ass doing?" "How did you know about that?" "Nancy?" " I didn't say anything, I swear." " U-turn did." "He said something about it when he paid me a visit." "Said the Mexicans popped you?" " You gonna take that shit on?" " Ain't afraid of those Taco Bells." "But I am gonna settle things right." " Settle?" " Call a meeting." "Figure something out before we kill each other." "You going face-to-face?" "They gonna gun your big ass down for real this time." "Not with her there, they won't." "No one wants a dead white lady on their hands." "I'm not sure I'm comfortable going to a gang summit." "You ain't got no fucking choice." "We're going tomorrow." " I thought you were going to camp." " Too expensive." "Everything's a mess." "So, what's the deal here?" "Watch." "This is a case of betrayal." "Judas did it." "This is the strange case of the mad scientist." "Big bang's a lie." "Dinosaurs lived at the same time as man." " Shane Botwin." " What?" "If you're gonna shove your doctrine down our throats, be clever about it." "I thought I was, but I guess you're just too smart for me." "Perhaps you should take over." "Present something to the class that is mysterious to you." " Okay." " Okay, stand up." "I'd like to solve the mystery of the school that receives federal funding yet promotes a religious curriculum in direct violation of church-state separation mandates." "Sit down, Shane Botwin." "Yes, sir." "Jesus Christ." "Exactly." "How you doing?" "You know, living the dream." "You?" "How did you know Marvin got shot?" "U-turn never said anything about it." "You really think you deserve to know the answer?" " That's what you want to talk about." " I wanna talk about how you kiss." "Well, maybe that's a discussion for another time." "Look, the Mexicans are real pissed at Marvin for his part in the drive-by." "U-turn's pissed they shot Marvin in the ass." "Maybe they didn't shoot him in the ass." "Maybe someone else did it to make it look like the Mexicans." "Maybe someone did it to start a gang war and let all them motherfuckers kill each other so that we could all be free." "Don't go to this meeting." "Now he's concerned." "What the hell was I supposed to do?" "Something." "Maybe I was doing it." "Yeah." "Sorry I knocked over your plant." "Wasn't my plant." "I'm telling you, Mom, I'm at a very impressionable age." "If you're not careful, this pedagogy will take root and you'll end up with a right-wing narc." "Hang tough, stick to your beliefs." "Show a little character." "I know you have it in you." "They're fundamentalists." "You're not getting out of summer school." "You're not sitting at home all day playing with my video games." "Don't say I didn't warn you." "Morning." "Mom, this is Tara." " It's a little early for a visitor, isn't it?" " She slept over." "Silas?" "Mom." "Not after Megan and Quinn." "I'm not going through this again." "You're not gonna make me that mom." "Tara it's lovely to meet you, you seem like a nice girl but my son isn't allowed to have sleepovers and he knows this." "Oh, we're not having sex, Mrs. Botwin." "I'm a virgin." " Oh, really?" " I honour God with my abstinence until the day I join my husband in marriage." " You don't say." " They're everywhere." "It's true." "We're abstaining." "Well, good for you." "I have a question." "Do you really think evolution is a lie?" "Well, I believe that I'm descended from Adam and Eve and not a monkey." "So natural selection Darwinism, empirical data none of that factors in for you?" "Evolution is just a theory." "That's why they call it the theory of evolution and not the fact of evolution." " What about...?" "Hey." "You've asked your question, all right?" "Now shut the fuck up." "Don't swear at your brother." "Don't antagonize Tara." "Tara, keep saving it for the Lord." "Where the fuck's Andy?" "Okay, everybody." "That's lunch." "Lexington Steele?" "Oh, pleasure to meet you, sir." "Andy Botwin, huge fan." "Not huge the way you're huge." "Admiration huge." " Thanks, bud." " Hey, I took you in the ass." "Your dildo." "The one they had moulded from your dick." "I was with a girl, Israeli." "She strapped it on." "To be truthful, for me, too big." "The dildo, not the girl." "Gave me a little oose-lay oopey-pay." "You know what I mean?" " What's good on the menu?" " Oh, what isn't good?" "In the style of this house I present a Mediterranean feast." "Hummus, baba ganoush couscous..." " Got any beef?" " Oh, yeah." "Kebabs right there." " Okay." "So does beef keep you hard?" "I just like beef." " Hey." " Oh, ladies." "Back away." "One pube in the tabouleh, the Health Department could shut down the buffet." "Wait." "Look at you shaven mavens." "I take it all back." "Go ahead, step right up." " You're funny." " And cute." "For a cook." " What's up?" " Come in." " Close the door." " Fine." "We're keeping the shades open." "Listen, I just had a development get shut down in Phoenix because of some paperwork issues and I need for that not to happen here." "Be a doll and legalize my construction crew for me this afternoon." "Look, I know this is not the most kosher thing in the world so if you can't do it, I'll just fire you and hire someone who will." "You have no idea how unkosher I can be." "Oh, now I'm intrigued." "Tell me more." "Can I do this tomorrow?" "I have an appointment." " An appointment?" " It's a woman thing." "Well, it always is with you women." "Okay, tomorrow." "I got lunch." "I figured we'd eat at one of those tables in the courtyard and..." "Nancy, I only have two sandwiches." "I'm sorry." "No problem, Celia." "You know, Sullivan, the fastest way to get those referendum signatures may be to have Nancy gather them." " She has scads of sales experience." " That's a great idea, Celia." "Yeah, you've got yourself a good little worker here." "I'll be back later." "Dude, if you are fucking with us, that is so not cool." "Rolling." "These are my dishwashers." "Over here." "Be cool." "This is the greatest thing I've ever seen." " Why is the guy wearing a pirate's hat?" " It's called Peck ers of the Caribbean." "He's Captain Jack." "Get it?" "Not really." "Shouldn't they be on a ship?" "There's an anchor." " Pardon me." " Come on, we're still rolling here." "Come on, keep going." " Still rolling, we're still rolling." " Oh, God." "Actually, I need five minutes." "Better make it 10." "Cut." "Cut." "Hey." " How you doing?" " Sore." "Hi, I'm Dean." " Are you staring at my tits?" "Paul." " Yeah." " Get this creep out." " I didn't do anything." " Jenny." " Fucking pervert." " I didn't." " Escort Mr. Tits off the property." " I didn't." " Let's go." "I didn't do anything." "I didn't do anything." "I gotta go home." "His food gave me the shits." "Oh, I guess we're even." "Goddamn it." "My lead's gone." "This is not good." "Not good!" " Let's do all girls." " It's called Peck ers of the Caribbean." "How we gonna do a movie about peckers without peckers?" "I'll do it." "I recently measured myself and I'm quite large." "Not Lex large but respectable." " And I'm practically a peg leg." " Fuck you." " Okay." "Fair enough." " Jenny, this one goes too." "And you, listen to me, from now on it's chicken and fucking rice." "If I see anything ethnic on this table, you are fired." "The only thing I want coming out of my actors' asses is a hard dick." "Got it?" "Say you love Jesus." "Say it." "If I say I love another man, doesn't that make me gay?" " Do you wanna be damned for eternity?" " No, I just want you to go to hell." " We're trying to save you." " You guys, stop." "Blessed are the peacemakers, Matthew 5:9." "Shane, don't you want to be saved?" " By you?" " Well only you can decide to take Jesus into your heart." "But I can help." "We can talk about him, study his word." "Why don't we try it at lunch today see how it goes?" "Okay." "Great." "What happened to you?" "Amelia's going to save me." "Amelia." "I'm not sure this is such a good idea." " Are you second-guessing me, bitch?" " No, not at all." "Respect." "I'm just..." "Maybe you shouldn't mention them having shot you at a drive-by." "You know how gangsters can be and their egos and their guns and shivs." "They ain't gonna shoot you in public, so just shut the fuck up." "Hey, it's the brick dance lady." "Yo." " Give me back our fucking chieva." " Man, I don't got your chieva." "If you let me have the weed trade, you can take everything else." "All the hard shit's yours." "I ain't a greedy hard-ass like U-turn..." " Where's our fucking chieva?" " Yo, man, I ain't got it!" "No." "Well, maybe we kill you anyway." "Turn you on a spit." "Fucking feed a whole fucking country." "What's chieva?" "No, no, no comprendes." "Heroin, chalita." "Oh, no." "Now I think I know what he's talking about." " Maybe." " You got my chapopote?" "Jeez, you have so many names for it." "Yeah, it's kind of like Eskimos and snow, eh?" "You better talk quick before I pop gordito here, querida." "If I knew where it was, your stuff and you got it back, would you leave us alone?" "Oh, man, this is just..." "Would you please take the gun out of his mouth?" "That motherfucker trusted you and not me..." "Enough, Marvin." "He didn't appreciate you." "Now listen." "Listen, listen, listen." "I want you to wipe out my debt, all of it." "Along with Heylia's and Conrad's." "Gone." "Finished." "Over." "Bullshit." "You mine, bitch." "You all mine." "Guillermo, Marvin doesn't want me to give you your chieva back." "I want to, but I'm his bitch, so I can't." "Yo, Fat Albert, you gonna give my brick dancer what she wants?" "Or maybe you wanna hang out with U-turn again." "I'm sure that he's lonely in infierno." "Okay." "Okay!" " On your mother's life?" " I swear." "You off the hook." "And I'm growing impatient." "Okay, one sec, one sec, one sec." "Hold on." "Okay." "Tomorrow morning, go to this address." "Follow these instructions, you'll get your trunk, okay?" "Hey, both of you, these streets?" "Belongs to Mexico now." "You out of the drug business, amigos." "Not even mota." "Oh, that's "weed" in English." "But I never wanna see or hear about you dealing anywhere in my city." "Nothing." "Hey, hey, hey." "Hey, Amelia." "I missed you at lunch today." "What happened?" "I apologize, Shane." "I haven't forgotten about you." "The Lord has sent me someone who's in greater need of prayer and counsel." "Yeah?" "But I'm a blasphemous liberal Jew." "What could be worse than that?" "Isabelle thinks she's a homosexual, but she's just lost her way." "I've gotta help her." "Su nombre es Martin Shackleman." "Hola, Seòor Shackleman." "No." "Estefan, you are now Harold Strauss." "Sign with your new name, por fav or." "Sign this petition for an Agrestic-Majestic merge." "This beautiful thing." "Gotta learn Spanish." "Your referendum." "Nonkosher." "I don't believe it." "You couldn't have had time." "I'm very resourceful." "There's a towel in the bathroom if you need to get out of your wet clothes." "I don't need a towel." "You're gonna help me celebrate." " What are we celebrating?" " My freedom." "Are you quitting?" "No." "At least, not yet." "We're gonna see how this goes first." "Any chance you speak Spanish?" "Never mind." "Oh, I have to warn you." "My last two relationships, both guys ended up dead."