"Ronaldo gets at least one message a day from a girl asking him to get her pregnant." "Some twins even wrote to me offering themselves for a threesome." " Really?" " Yes, it's amazing." "I get tweets so heavy, I don't dare retweet them." "It's often the photos I don't dare to retweet." "One more and we head out?" "Fine." "Ciao!" "Look, the ideal is under 25, 26, 27 tops." "Over 30 means danger, over 35 is pure suicide." "Girls over 35 don't see you as a human being, just a sperm bank." "Seriously, they've got tunnel vision." "They repeat the same mantra in their heads all the time:" ""Time is ticking, time is ticking"." "It's true." "See those girls there?" "If we go over, convince them we're straight, we've finished high school and drugs haven't scarred us, we'll have their panties down in under an hour." " I guarantee it." " Then let's go." "C'mon!" "No!" "Are you crazy?" "Weren't you listening?" "They'll eat you alive!" "You'll be pushing a pram with twins in seconds flat." "What you need is a 25-year-old you can fuck till your eyes pop out." " Is that me?" " Yeah." "This is dying a death." "Let's go, yeah?" "You're right." "Well, see you tomorrow." "See you... 25." " Everything happens eventually." " You think so?" "WE ARE PREGNANT" "Pre-menopausal?" "Don't be scared, it sounds worse than it is." "Your body deduced that you're not having kids and ordered your reproductive system to self-destruct." "My God!" "I'm only 37!" "A woman over 35 has half the chance of getting pregnant as a 20-year-old." "So, reproductively, yes, you're an old lady." "He said "old lady"..." "But, as usual, you're not the only one who needs help." "Francisco..." "It's Fran." "I'm sterile." "Well, not totally." "You have what's called "low-grade" semen:" "few spermatozoids, little movement and lots with malformations." "Yes... few, lazy and abnormal." "That's right, but don't worry, couples like you come every day and in vitro has great results." "You'd have to start the meds." " The meds are hormones?" " Exactly." "Why?" "I heard they affect woman a lot, emotionally..." "All you women are crazy." "Hormones just accentuate it a little." "You lose track of 15 short years and you're pre-menopausal." "Few, lazy and abnormal..." "That's... cool!" "That's what they called the hippies, and they changed history, right?" "No, Fran, we've been trying for a year, we should've come earlier." "Besides, you heard the doctor, we're old folks." "You have to think it over." "In vitro is tough, you have to be 100% sure." "Excuse me?" "How do you know so much about in vitro?" "I saw a documentary on YouTube." "About some couple whose life was destroyed by in vitro." "Oh, really?" "Yes, the girl had joined a sect with a guru who'd convinced a lot of women that aliens were coming to inseminate them." " Aliens." " Yes." "To fuck them all!" "I think we need time to think it over." "How long?" "I don't know, until we're sure." "Indefinitely, right?" "Yes." "Fine." "Lately I get this recurring dream." "I get home to an empty house, it's all quiet." "I say "I'm going to make a gin and tonic"," "I make one, I watch the football... and such a deep feeling of peace comes over me that I say, "Holy shit, this is paradise!"." "Goddamn frickin' kid!" "You, come here!" "Here." "No, no, not chocolate!" "Sorry!" "Is he allergic?" "No, it's just bad before they turn four." "Honey, I'll give you a cookie, but fructose." "Sorry." "The things you get up to!" "Here." "Is it from the village?" "It's fantastic." "Take some with you, my in-laws sent more." "What did they tell you two?" "Fine, just great." " I'm pre-menopausal." " What?" "Pre-menopausal, and Fran's semen makes a crappy soup." "That's vile, Alina, please!" "Get it with your tongue!" "Were mothers like this before?" "How did humanity survive without fructose cookies?" " What's wrong?" " Nothing." "I'm thinking." "Aren't we thinking it over?" " You mean the in vitro?" " No." "No, I'm thinking about who I'm gonna vote for!" "Shit!" "Don't be like that, it was only just today." "Sure, but what are you waiting for?" "Yoda to appear to you in dreams?" "Or will you ask Guille and Tito over some beers?" "Please tell me soon, because I need to know on whom my future depends." "Pressure me and I might get a mental block, which is worse." "Right." "What if we stick to the traditional method?" "Alina?" "Alina, babycakes." "Alina, pumpkin." "Good night, honey." "You asked for it." "I'm going on an Internet dateline." "Where are you going?" "You're not going to jerk off, are you?" "You haven't got the semen to waste!" "Watching porn won't help you decide!" ""She wants the in vitro and I don't"" "50 millions hits." ""I'm in a mess about in vitro"" ""I don't know what to do, my girl's obsessed with doing an in vitro and I'm not sure," "I'm scared it won't work and I'm scared it will work." "I'm in a mess, we're doing fine, we love each other, the sex is great and I see no reason to get into this hassle, but nor do I want to lose her"." ""Hi, Super-Confused," "I'm exactly the same as you." "I see your post was 3 months ago." "What did you do?"" "Straight from California, the latest in cosmetics," "Diamond Luxury, the diamond treatment..." ""Hi, Fran, this is Super-Confused." "Are you there?"" "Hi, how are you?" "I just saw your message and thought, I have to help this guy." "I wasn't sure, but in the end I did the right thing." "I told her to piss off."" "You're shittin' me!" "You're blackmailing me!" "PISS OFF!" ""I'm reborn, man, I've come back to life!" "I'm free from my chains!" "That girl had castrated me, now I fuck all the time." "Judge for yourself."" "Fuck!" "How was the dateline?" "Got a date?" "Ali..." "Have you considered the terrifying possibility that there'll be two of them?" "Imagine Chucky and Chucky's sister on their highchairs, faces covered in puree." "Are you sure?" "Looking at it coldly, it's not that different to what we're doing now." "Jeez, Ali!" "Ali..." " I have to go to work." " Fine." "Alright then." "You're blackmailing me?" "I told her to piss off!" "Now I fuck all the time!" ""Today's a great day." "I want to share it with all of you"" ""In vitro fertilization"" "Hi." "Look." "Gloria, our new trainee." " Fran, our Creative Director." " How are you?" " Nice to meet you." " Same here." "Did you design this amazing thing I just saw?" "Yes, most of it." " Do you like it?" " It's fantastic!" " I did the programming." " With Flash?" "We used Flash, After Effects and a new program I designed that optimizes movement by up to 30%..." " Can you excuse us?" " Yeah, sure!" " Why are you scratching?" " My sock's itchy." "Aren't we going to interview anyone else?" "Did you check her out?" "She seems fine to me." "But we're not sending the others away without an interview, are we?" "If you like, I can talk to them." " Ali!" " Hello." "How are you?" "Hi, little guy!" "Do you know that pretty soon you're going to have a cousin?" " You have to tell me all about it." " Yes." "I'm with the breastfeeding group." "Want to come in?" " Can I?" " Sure!" " Come in!" " Okay, coming." "I've spent two months trying to get him back on it, with no progress." "Girls, this is my sister Alina." " Hello!" " Hello!" "Mind if I stay a moment?" " Welcome." " Thanks." "Your persistence makes us proud." "But I'm getting desperate." "I swear, every time I open a tub of milk, it's like a nail in my heart." "We're mammals: you're breasts make all your cub needs." "Trust in nature." " How old is she?" " Manuela?" " She's five." " And she's still on the boob?" "She'll decide when to wean herself off." "Right... but you wanted to stop it, didn't you?" "You did?" "I was thinking about it." "Thinking about it?" "All by yourself?" "Work's getting tricky." "My half days are over and my boss isn't very understanding." "Then you don't want to stop, you're being forced to." "Have you considered the message you'll send your son if you stop?" "Don't complain later if he starts biting in pre-school." "What's the problem?" "You can take the breast pump to work." "You're going to use a breast pump at a lawyer's office?" "I'm coming for you." "Excuse me." "I'm going." "We're playing the Thursday game." "Stay and play." " Some other time." "See you!" " See you tomorrow, Gloria" ""See you tomorrow, Gloooria"." "You can laugh, but I'm invited to a party at her place." "She lives with two other 25-year-olds." "Paradise!" "Son of a bitch!" "Can you imagine waking up and finding her two roomies in G-strings, making you breakfast?" "Horrible, huh?" "If you fuck her, don't tell me." "You'll be the first to know." "I got some ecstasy cream that's like vichyssoise." "I don't think ecstasy cream is good for my semen." "I start the in vitro next week." " In vitro!" " Yes." "What, are you firing blanks?" "Well... more or less." "More or less?" "Few, lazy and abnormal, that's my semen." "Few, lazy and abnormal!" "You champ!" "Guys!" " You're late." " You don't know what happened!" "Fran's going to do the in vitro." "What's that?" "A dog?" "A dog." "He followed me from the bus stop." "He came straight for me, like he knew me." "Look." "I tried to shake him off, but it was impossible!" "Look, love at first sight." "Get it out of here, it's bound to have fleas." "You're doing the in vitro?" "Yeah." "Is it your first time?" " Yes." " Yes." "I thought so." "How cute!" "I'm a veteran, it's my sixth." "At first the hormones and needles seem like the worst part, but the "beta" is really tough." "My husband refuses to come now." "I understand him." "I've set myself a limit, 10 times, tops." " 10 attempts?" " What's the "beta"?" "Don't frighten the poor things." " Alina Alba?" " Yes!" "Let's go." "Good luck!" "In nature, fertilization is a very simple process:" "it's a sperm, an ovum, an embryo." "We're going to take Fran's sperm to the very gates of Alina's ovum." "But instead of them cycling up the mountain, we'll take them by helicopter up to the goal." "Making it all easy to get that embryo, which we then implant in Alina, do you understand?" "Of course, if the child fails maths or gets teased at school, you don't get your money back." "Do you do this with all your patients, or is this Red Nose Day?" "It's important to de-dramatize it." "Do you play golf?" " No." " No." "Well, this is a bit like golf." "You normally don't get a hole in one, but we'll get closer and closer, and we'd have to be terrible to not get the ball in the hole." "So above all, relax." "These are for Francisco, Fran, and these are for Alina, one every 8 hours." "And..." "Can we still keep having...?" "Sure thing!" "You could get lucky and score a goal before it goes to overtime!" "Why don't we tell this twit to piss off?" "Because he's the best, all the forums say so." "And I've already paid half." "You paid half?" "Why?" "Why not?" "There was a discount." "No, no, hey, hey..." "If we're going to do this, we need some very clear rules." "One: no hiding information." "Fine." " Two: no shirking!" " Okay." "And three: no getting obsessed." "Remember what he said about golf, okay?" "What am I, the hole?" "Exactly." "The hole!" ""CONCEIVE" COMMON QUESTIONS" ""I always do it thinking of you, but today these girls help"" "That's it!" "Not much, is it?" "It's not easy in that bottle." "The design's not good." "Wait, I'll go ask if they can do it with this." ""They're so nice!" "Maybe I can lend a hand too"" "Could you try again?" "Or we could try with this, but I don't think..." "The 14th?" "Check what barrister we've got." "See you soon." "Who's there?" "Martin, what's up?" "Thanks, Ali, this afternoon I've got a meeting with my boss..." " If his fever goes up, Apiretal, okay?" " Alright." "The thermometer's in my room." "And not too many cartoons." "Nico, have all your juice, okay?" "Ali, whenever you can... freeze this for me." "Big kiss." " Ciao." " 'Bye." ""Nothing like a good shower with Shower Extreme..."" "Can you put Fran's game on for me?" "Put it on!" "Nico, hold on." "Stop." "Stop it." "Nico..." "Didn't you have a fever?" "Alright..." "Let's see." "Whoah!" "Auntie Alina!" "Have you got a clitoris?" "Hey!" "Nico!" "Why did you take my phone without asking?" "You don't do that." "What's a clitoris?" "Alright..." "A clitoris is a fun thing that girls have." "Where is it?" "Well..." "It's hidden in a secret cave." "Hi, I'm Anita." "I'm not a normal girl, no, because I've got superpowers and when I get mad I turn into..." "Bizarro Girl!" "I can turn invisible or go back in time to give bullies what they deserve." "Bizarro Girl!" "Coming soon to your mobiles and tablets." "Bizarro Girl versus the posh girls." "So?" "It's fucking great." "I think it needs a lot of work." "Guille, what do you say?" " What?" " Are you going to take him everywhere?" "What can I do?" "If I leave him outside he howls like crazy." "The presentation's tomorrow, and it's fucking great." "I'll do the talking, you couldn't pitch "The Simpsons"." "Lunch?" "And try not to scratch tomorrow." "Guille, you coming?" "Man, I mean this in a nice way, but that's not right." "Jesus, it's the Beastmaster." "Ignore him." "I'll take your photo and we'll put it on Instagram." "Look, here." "Here." "Where were you?" "I'll be late for the egg retrieval." "Sorry, Ali, my boss held me up." "Want me to go with you?" "No, Fran's coming." "Alright..." "Hey, what's the matter?" "They asked me to take the case to the Supreme Court." "Is that any reason to be like this?" " I said no." " Why?" "Because it means 16-hour days." "Sorry, I don't want to stress you out." " Go on, go." " Okay." " Go on!" " Alright." "I'll be alright, won't I?" "They'll get eggs the size of melons out of you!" "Fran, I'm at the clinic." "You do remember we have the egg retrieval at 6?" "I left you a Post-it on the fridge and I sent you a WhatsApp message." "Alina Alba?" "Yes." "I need 5 minutes, my husband can't find a parking spot." "Miriam Romero!" " There's a carpark on this street." " Great." "I'll tell him right now." "Alright, Fran, where the hell are you?" "They called me, but I don't want to go in alone." "Fran, please." "Please!" "Fran, you left your mobile in the bathroom again." " See you." " Thanks, Kathy." "What, you don't check Twitter when you crap?" "No!" "When I crap, I crap, I'm very focused on that." "Okay." "The other day I did a perfect number two." "It looked like a wrinkly gorilla." " Shit, I gotta go!" " What's wrong?" "We have to get it all ready for tomorrow!" "I'll be back later." " An extraction?" " Yes." "Don't worry, you won't even notice it." "You went through this too?" "I did." "Now I'm pregnant." "Did it work first time?" "Yes, I was lucky." "It's strange, I'm usually not lucky." "Wow." "I mean, I'm not the kind of person that gets things first time." "I have to bang way, bang, bang..." " Do you understand?" " Yes." "You'll get lucky, I have an intuition." "I'm very intuitive." "Listen," "I've been invited tomorrow to a "beta-waiters" meeting." "It sound like a sect, but it's good for keeping our spirits up." "Come, if you like." "I don't know, it depends on what my body's like after today." "Go on." "I'm Verónica, ex-trapeze artist and future single mother." " I'm Alina." "Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you." " Alina Alba." " Yes." "If you don't come in, you'll have to wait till next month's cycle." "It's up to you." "This is like picking figs from a fig tree:" "you have to squeeze them just right, or they spoil." "Have you ever picked figs, Alina?" "No." "I've got an orchard." "I spend my weekends there, pruning, fertilizing, digging..." "What a full life." "The orchard, golf, embryos." "I'm sorry." "May I?" "Well, that's it." "Ten beautiful eggs." "In the next three days we'll call you for implantation." "It could be at any time, so be available and check your mobile." "Good." "Ali, I swear, I left my phone in the bathroom." "Ask Tito and Guillermo." "Ali!" "Alina, please!" "Alina!" "Shit, don't be like that!" "I was only half an hour late." "I was in a meeting and I forgot." "I'm very pissed off at you, but this is the hormones." "How could you forget?" "Do you know how I felt?" "Like a piece of shit!" "A piece of shit this big!" " It's over." " No, it's not." "We should be celebrating that they got 10 eggs from me." "It won't happen again." "Never, I promise." "From now on, I'm with you on this." "Really?" "Tomorrow I have a meeting with a "beta-waiters" group." "It sounds like a sect, but it's just couples going through it like us and..." "I think it'll do us good." "Okay, okay." " What time tomorrow?" " Five." "I can't." "It's the presentation for the series." "We've been waiting for this for years, I can't miss it." "There'll always be something else that comes first, right, Fran?" "I'm going for a walk." "Alone." "Hello." " Is it a gift?" " No, it's for me." "Cool!" "Alina, getting mad at each other is pointless." "We're made for each other." "If you think Heisenberg will solve this, you're wrong." "Right, but..." "I bought marshmallows." "I fixed it so I can go with you to the sect." "You changed the presentation?" " Tito and Guillermo are going." " No." " You have to go." " I'm going with you." "No!" "Go to the presentation!" "I'm going with you to the sect and that's that." "Want a marshmallow?" "Then come and get it." "Hey, we'll have to get the baby its own YouTube channel." "Sure!" "Maybe we can make a little extra money." "And a Pinterest with all its photos." "Sure." "No Twitter until it's at least five." "Look..." "We'll smoke this when you're quarantine's over." "Okay?" "Fine." "No touching it before!" "This is gourmet weed, eh?" "It's from Tito's cousin." "Mountain Maryjane!" "Thank you." "They did the transfer on me on the 10th day." "Two class-A embryos." "One a 7-cell, one 8-cell." "And... waiting for the beta is really hard because..." "I'm trying to be calm and positive but..." "I don't have sore breasts or anything." "And yesterday she bled." "Have you talked to the doctor?" "Then take it easy." "The wait is always tense, but it often works out fine, that's why I wanted Veronica to come today." "As you see, she's going to be a mum." "You have to have trust and be positive." "A big hand for Veronica." "And also with us today, first-timers Alina and Fran." " Alina, how are you?" " Great." "Hi, I'm Alina and I'm about to have my first embryos implanted and so far we're actually pretty relaxed." "Fantastic, Alina." "Fran?" "Hi, my name's Fran, and so far I'm not too bothered about it." "I think you have to be sporting about it." "If it works, great, and if not, that's fine too." "There's no need to turn it into a tragedy." "What I mean is, maybe... we can't have children." "But it's not the end of humanity, is it?" "I know lots of people who didn't have kids and they were happy." "My great aunt, my aunt Trini..." "She didn't have kids and she really enjoyed life, a modern woman who travelled the world..." "I've still got a blowpipe that... she brought back from Brazil for me when I was a boy." "It's..." "I have to get it." "Excuse me." "Excuse me, sorry." "Tito." "No, I can't talk now." "I'm in a... talk." "Really?" "Fucking awesome!" "I'll call you later, see you." "Excuse me." "And... that's kind of it." "I had to get out of the Fellowship of the Ring there!" "This is great!" "Bizarro Girl!" " To Bizarro Girl!" " To Bizarro Girl!" "And to Fran's semen." "Here we go." "Few, lazy and abnormal!" "Few, lazy and abnormal!" " Few, lazy..." " Guys!" "Guys!" "You're a fucking riot." "If that weren't enough, it's the hot trainee's birthday today." "Really?" "She's having a party at her place." "I'll be full of 25-year-olds." " Are we invited?" " Sure we are." " The three of us?" " All three of us." " We'll be the granddads." " What?" "This is our target:" "unemployed graduates keen to work in a company like ours." "Alright!" " One more and we'll go." " Alright." "Hi." "Is Gloria in?" "And I thought there'd be no cute guys at the party." " Hi." " Hi." "Our target, the dork says." "I think we're a bit old for this." "Next week I'm hitting the gym." "You came!" "How are you?" "Great." "Great!" "I'm so glad." " Welcome." " Thanks a lot." "The party's in the garden." "If I've got a girl standing in front of me," "I start scratching," "I just can't help it." "You're Guillermo, right?" "Yeah." "I think I was a student of yours on the HTML programming course." "Oh, okay..." "I don't know, there were a lot of people." "It was an online course and I recognized your profile photo." "Though you're better in the flesh." "Thanks." "I loved the course." "It got me the job I have now." "That's practical, huh?" "I've got some new software that doesn't need HTML, it's amazing, and if I have time I might set up a workshop." "I'll give you a heads-up," " or put it on Facebook..." " Great." "Okay." "Well, see you." "Sure." "Man, a girl hit on you." "You think so?" "What's this... "See you"?" "Fran, it's HTML code." "Really?" "Fuck, what a geek!" "She's perfect for you!" "And you don't know her name!" "Where'd she go?" "Look out, look out!" "What's wrong?" " I burnt your hair a little." " What?" "Did you burn it much?" "Did you put hairspray on it?" "Do you light your smokes with a flamethrower?" "Did you burn a lot?" "No, just singed the edges." "I'll cut them off." "I'll get Gloria to bring some scissors and we'll do it right now." "Burn it and cut it on the same night?" "No, thanks!" "Why not?" "Just to even it up." "Who do you think you are, Edward Scissorhands?" "No, back off." "You've done enough for tonight, thanks." "Hey, how are you doing?" "I see you made friends with Teresa, my favorite neighbor." "These are my bosses." "The pyromaniac is your boss?" " It was an accident." " What happened?" "He burnt my hair." "Is it bad?" "He just can't stand high ponytails." "Lucky it wasn't down on your face." "Forgive me." "Let's dance." ""I'll be late"" "They remind me of the New York Dolls." "Remember..." "You don't know" " the New York Dolls?" " I'm going to New York next year." "Have you been there?" "I've been a couple of times, but just as a tourist." "I'm going for some time, to do a film course." "Cool!" "Why don't you try it there?" "Being a creative guy, you'd have lots of opportunities." "I thought about it once and I didn't do it." "Now things are more complicated." "You're not that old." " It's true." " Thanks." "I don't want to become someone who regrets what they haven't done." "Where are Tito and Guillermo?" "They left a while ago." "Well..." "I'm going to have to go too." "I don't feel like it, but... anyway..." "I'm going." "Good morning!" "What a party!" "Cool, huh?" " Are you going out?" " Yes." "The clinic just called." "We have to be there in an hour." "I phoned you but you had it turned off." "I also called Tito and Guillermo, but neither of them picked up." "You've got them well trained." "I don't know, I left them in... in... in an after-hours, wasted, they mustn't have heard the phone." " I'll shower and we'll go." " Or not." "Stay here and sleep it off while I stick the embryo of our future child in my uterus." "Really?" "Thanks a lot, because I'm..." " Since I never go out..." " Fran!" "Is there any Ibuprofen left?" "This is like those All Star triples competitions." "Do you like basketball, Fran?" "What?" "Sorry." "Look, here it is." "One..." "Fuck." "Your order." "The receipt." "See you later." "Can you get the soy from the kitchen, please?" "And the blanket, I'm cold." " And another thing." " What?" "I'm sorry, I have to be totally still." "That was in the hospital." "It won't affect the embryos if you go to the kitchen for a second, but what is it?" " No, nothing, I'll get up." " No." "What do you want?" " Fruit." " Fruit before dinner?" "It's better to have it before dinner." "There's none left." "Do I go to the corner store?" "Where do I go?" "The Supercor, it's still open." "Before you go, hand me the progesterone." "Not this!" "This isn't progesterone!" "Progesterone are the ovules!" "Where's your mind when the doctor explains things?" "You're going crazy, you know that?" "I'll get over it." "I hope you get over it soon." "Apple alright?" "Pink Lady, Golden, Reineta?" "I don't want to blow it." "Good morning." "How are you, Fran?" "Did you know there are tons of apps for dogs?" "He loves this one." "He's freaking out." "What's this?" "The dog's bed." "But this is my spot." " And it's full of wires." " I think that's why he likes it, the computer's nice and warm." "That's enough!" "The dog can't stay here!" "If you're keeping it, take it home or to a kennel!" "My place is tiny and I'm here all day." "Jesus fucking Christ!" "What are you doing?" "You'll hurt him!" "Your place or a kennel!" "Choose!" "Your place or a kennel!" "You were over the top with Guille this morning." "He hasn't said a word." " Right." " I'm going." " A beer?" " I'm staying in." "Do I know her?" "You sure do." " Older women make better lovers." " You gotta try everything." "See you." "I didn't know you were going to be a dad." "Congratulations." "It's not certain yet." "I'm glad anyway." "See you." "'Bye." "I found this great website." "You ordered breakfast on the Internet?" "Yes." "Look, fresh fruit." "It's freshly sliced." "It says so on the website." "What's wrong, is it bad?" "Is it so hard for you to slice a pear for me?" "You want me to slice you a pear?" " Don't worry, I'll slice it myself." " No, no way, I'll slice it." "I'll slice it." " Do you want some coffee too?" " No." "I'd prefer tea." "If you don't mind, you can make the tea," "I don't get it." "You've got thousands of types, some with mint, others with aniseed, others with some other crap." "Then there's the little ball, I don't know how high to fill it, how long it has to boil or to settle, so you'd better make it, okay?" "When do we show this to Fran?" "Don't show Fran anything until I say." "Got me?" "What's that?" "It's just a suggestion that Cartoon made." "About what?" "They want her to be... prettier." "How can she be pretty if she's called Bizarro Girl?" "They think our target audience should be wider." "Is Bart Simpson handsome?" "Is SpongeBob?" "ls Shin Chan?" "They didn't get it at all!" "Hey, don't go all Taliban, they have their opinion, it's their job." "We've wanted to play this game for years." "Is that what you told them at the meeting?" "It's the game we've wanted to play for years?" "I agree with Tito." "Naturally they have an opinion." "I should've been at that meeting." "I'll tell you one thing." "If you'd been there, we wouldn't have got this far." "What?" "Do you really think that?" "And where are we?" "Where the hell are we?" "They want to change it all and they don't get it!" "We've got a brilliant series that they're going to ruin, and you guys don't care." "What are you, a tortured artist?" "Fran!" "Take it easy!" "Go get some air!" "Over my dead body." "Over my dead body." "Shit, you're taking this rest stuff seriously." "How are you?" "Fucking great." "The Cartoon people called." "They love the series, but Bizarro Girl has to be pretty." "She won't be Bizarro Girl, she'll be Barbie Girl, and play princesses with her girl friends." "I'm sorry." "Even worse, Tito and Guillermo act like it's nothing, they don't care." "I..." "Maybe it's no big deal." "No big deal?" "No big deal?" "!" "Bizarro Girl is how she is because she can't be anything else." "They're not only ruining the character, but the series too." "She can't be pretty, it's impossible!" "If I'd gone to that meeting" "I would've explained it to the TV people, but no, I had to go to that beta nutcase bullshit." "The biggest meeting of my career and I couldn't go!" "Fuck!" "I told you you didn't need to go." ""You don't need to go" means:" ""if you don't you'll never hear the end of it"." " Listen, Fran..." " Listen?" "What is it now?" "Is this the hormone waterworks?" "I'm getting tired of you!" "Tired of what?" "Tired of what?" "You live like a queen." ""Now I want kids." "If I can't, never mind!" "In vitro fertilization!" "Or frozen embryos, whatever it takes, because the main thing in this world is to have kids!"" "And you're still not pregnant." "I can't imagine what it'll be like when you are." "What's all this about?" "I've fucking had it!" "We always have to do what you want and our lives are revolving around this in vitro shit, when told you straight out" " that I don't need kids." " What did you say?" "What did you say?" "I didn't hear you!" "You only hear what you want to hear!" "Maybe you don't express yourself clearly enough!" " You want me to be clear?" " Please!" "I don't want kids!" "Got it?" " Is that clear?" " What's wrong with you?" "I don't want to have kids!" "And you're telling me now?" "Yes, I'm telling you now." "Thank you." "Although it's a little late." "What if I'm already pregnant?" "You'd rather I wasn't." "This is like a mortgage, right?" "We have to keep going until we pay it off." "No." "No way." "It's more important than a mortgage." "And you don't have to pay if you don't want, that's the advantage." "Fucking great then." "Where are you going, Alina?" "Alina!" " Alina!" " Hello." "Can I stay?" "I had a fight with Fran." "Of course." ""I'm going to stay at my sister's place."" "The Cartoon people called me twice this morning." "Fran." "Fran!" "It's fine, let's not get dramatic." "Cartoon was an opportunity, but it's no big deal." "We can get by with Kellogg's and anti-flu ads." "If we start giving in, we'll end up ruining the series." "If we're not happy, end of story." "I'll call them now and tell them that's the way Bizarro Girl is." "We can always use crowdfunding and put it on YouTube." "Crowdfunding?" "Let's see what they suggest." "Mum, do you have a clitoris?" "Nicolás, who did you hear say that?" "Auntie Alina told me that girls have a clitoris..." " What else did Auntie Alina say?" " That it's lots of fun." " Isn't that nice!" " Yes?" "Does Martin have one?" "No, Martin doesn't have a clitoris." "Mum, I want a clitoris." "Can I come in?" " It's your home." " What did you tell the boy?" "About what?" "About the clitoris." "Well, he asked me." "What did you want me to say?" "Oh, fine, that's great." "Now he'll want to find the secret cave of all the girls in his class, I know him!" " What a riot." " Yes, what a riot." "Look, Ali, when you have kids, tell them about clitorises, dicks or..." "Alright, Alina." "The embryos didn't thrive." "We just have to start again, alright?" "You have frozen ones left." "Remember, with every shot we're closer to the hole." "I'm not going to go on with the treatment." "Are you sure?" "Think it over." "With your diagnosis, the longer you leave it, the trickier it gets." "This is like a tennis match." "If you reach a tie break, you can't give it up." "One more sports metaphor and you'll be swallowing that gadget!" "Look at me," "I'm fine alone, I don't need kids." "Why do I want a kid for?" "What for?" "Yeah." "What for?" "What do I want a kid for?" "Do you think your father asked himself that?" "Well, no." "What do you mean "what for"?" "What a materialistic outlook." "To love it, take care of it, to..." "Who's going to take care of you when you're old?" "So do you want to or not?" "No." "There you go." "There you go." "I wanted to know how you were." "Bad." "But you didn't want that child, so you're fine, right?" "I never said I didn't want that child." "Do you think before you speak or say the first thing that comes to mind?" "I thought we had something strong, but now..." "I'm lost, I don't know what to think." " I still believe it." " You believe?" "In what?" "In us." "You know, when I was two I had whooping cough, like asthma but more serious." "My dad told me I'd be choking at night and they tried everything, but I didn't get better." "Until a pediatrician told him that if every day he took me up a 700-metre hill for a month I'd be cured for sure." "The change in pressure, the bronchia and all that." "And every day, for a month, my father carried me up that hill in his arms." "We'd breathe the fresh air, then he'd take me back down." "Every day." "Until I stopped choking." "And coughing." "And here I am." "Bravo for your father." "You'd want things back the way they were before, but it's not before, it's now." "Nothing will the way it was before." "I'm sorry." "I'll call you when I'm coming to get my things." "I don't know where to place you." "Exactly what do you do?" "Community manager, website design..." "The Internet?" "I'll put you under OTHERS." "I heard that if you want to start a business, your dole can be financed." "Do you know about that?" "Just a moment." "Paco, financing the dole, can you tell her about that?" "Hi." "Hi." "Happy birthday." "Thanks, but..." "how did you know it was today?" "A girl has her contacts." "Well, guys." " See you tomorrow." " Right." "'Bye." "Did you know it was his birthday?" "I don't even know when mine is." "I'm going." "Beer, yeah?" "I've got an appointment with the dog's hairdresser." "Jesus..." "Did your life have meaning before you found that mutt?" "You score big-time walking the dog in the park." "Incredible!" "I've got tickets for The Brownies." "You up for it?" "Hold on a second." "Are we going to play doctors?" "Pink or blue?" "Blue's fine." "Turn over." " Turn over?" " Uh-huh." " You're going to love it." " Alright then..." " Are you waxed?" " No." "It'll be alright." "But..." "Alright then..." "Be careful!" "Not the whole thing!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Tito wanted two copies of the teaser." "Okay, I'll record them now." "So, how's it going with her?" "Fine..." "Maybe she's too hot for you." "Why?" "Well... from what you hear from Teresa's flat." "What do you hear?" "Turn over!" "Take that!" "I got the wrong hole!" "Never mind!" "I've been bad!" "I've been bad!" " Hello!" " Hi." "Well!" " Can you?" " Yes." " I brought the breast pump too." " I forgot, and I've got so much work today." "I might as well give him a little." "Shall we sit here?" "Alright, honey." "Oh, fuck no!" "Alma, what are you doing?" "Breastfeeding my boy, there's no shame in it." "Is this the image we want for our company?" "I'm on my half-hour break." "I can do what I like, where I like." "Must it be here?" "On the street like some Gypsy with her tits out." "You're here to work." "Milk yourself in the bathroom if you really must." "Do you know why I'm breastfeeding him?" "For God's sake!" " Because my tits are bursting." " Put that away." "Look." "That's disgusting!" "You're mad!" "That's disgusting!" "Don't even come back to make coffee." "You're mad." "Totally insane!" "Did you see her?" "Let's go inside." "That's it, my work problems are over." "Hi." "I love it." "Thanks." "He's funny-looking, but they said it sorts itself out later." "Does he look like Woody Allen to you?" "You think he might be the donor?" "I don't know," "I asked for someone educated." "He looks just like you." "He does, doesn't he?" " Do you want to hold him?" " Can I?" "Careful, he cost me 8000 Euros." "I wanted to have a child, but with Fran." "And not without Fran?" "We could help each other out." "We'd be two independent mums with kids from unknown fathers." "Don't say that's not cool!" "If you're going to do it, there's still time." "Maybe in 10 years you'll wonder:" ""Why didn't I do it?"" "By then you might not even remember Fran." "I'd kill for a smoke right now." "Hi, it's Fran." "Leave a message." "Hi, Fran." "Fran, I've decided to do the in vitro again." "I'll use an anonymous donor." "I needed to tell you before starting." "Relax, I'm not going to use our embryos." "I also wanted to ask if we could sell the car." "I need the money." "Count it if you want." "No, there's no need." "It's strange, isn't it?" "If you'd gotten pregnant we'd be together now with a child, but that meant..." "Having to decide." "Wanting to do it." "I was wrong, Fran." "I dragged you into something you didn't want to do." "But now I'm going to become a mother and you the eligible bachelor." "And everybody's happy." "I hope it goes well for you." "Yes, yes, yes, we've got a second season!" "Holy shit!" "Great!" "Guys, our second season!" "Now we don't have to fire you!" " To Wonder Girl!" " To Wonder Girl!" "Now that we're celebrating," "I want to tell you..." "I'll be giving Wonder Girl a little cousin." "What?" "I'm going to be a dad." " That's great." " Congratulations!" "Weren't you the "kids, what for?" guy?" "Sure, but if Teresa got pregnant at 45, that kid has to be born." "45?" "Yes." "She doesn't look it." "Look..." "Its first photo." "It's got your head alright." " Shit, Tito." " Look." "I'm going to bring it up," "I told Teresa so." "I'll be the first man in my family to personally look after his kid." "I've got no idea, but I'll learn." "I'm thinking of setting up a nursery here." " Seriously?" " Sure thing." "Swedish-style, hiring someone to watch the kids while we work." "Hold on." "So..." "dogs no but kids yes?" "Why?" "Hi!" "This is Nadia and Adrian." "They don't have school today and their mother's gone to Poland." "Can they stay here while I clean?" "See?" "I keep getting signals." "Don't worry, Kathy, we're thinking of starting a nursery." " Can you use PlayStation?" " Yes." "Yeah?" "Come along." " What do you say?" " Thank you." "Hi." "Everything alright?" "He just settled, he had gases and... he's been crying for two hours." "I feel like strangling him." "Don't get upset, I don't know how, but things work out in the end, okay?" "Do I smell like shit?" "Go take a shower, I'll stay with him." "Come here, little guy." " Thanks." " He's so heavy." "That's it." " And you've got more orders." " Really?" " Yes." " That's great." "Fucking fantastic!" "What did you eat?" "My God!" "Great!" "'Bye!" "Guys, the style's established and I'll be back once a month to look over the episodes." "It's not just Wonder Girl, it's everything." "We slog away for 3 years and when things start to work, you head out." "A London partner means prestige." "Besides, what with one thing and another, you're going to be very busy." "We'll miss you, you bastard." "I know, you fucks, I know." "Hey, is someone getting hard?" "TOMORROW:" "STREET MARKET STOP BY!" "Fran!" " Hello!" " Hi." " How are you?" " Great, so far." " How far along are you?" " 24 weeks." "And how long is...?" "40." "40, that's right." " You look nice" " Thanks." "You too, you look... good, different." "The glasses suit you." "I'm not doing so bad." "What about your sister?" "Good." "A big life change." "She went off the make cheeses at the homestead." " Very brave!" " Yes, very." "You have to jump in at the deep end." "It's a sign of the times." "I came to bring you this." "I was packing up the house and some of your things turned up." " You're moving?" " Yes, to London." "London!" "Tomorrow." "I also wanted to apologize, because I..." "Alina, I never wanted to hurt you, but I know I did and..." "I blamed you for lots of things that..." "You didn't force me into anything." "I got stressed out and..." "I ruined it." "I didn't want to go without you knowing that." "I'm really glad that in the end it all worked out well for you." "Excuse me, what size are these boots?" "37." "And the dresses?" "They look kind of small." " Excuse me a moment." " Okay." "Fran!" "Thank you." "I might keep this one." "Is it your sister's?" "Can I guess who you're thinking about?" "It may seem strange to you, but him going to London has really thrown me." " You feel sad." " Yes." "I don't know..." "Now I know I've lost him forever and I never said goodbye." "Call him." "Things need closure, or they pursue you all your life." "And what do I say?" "Just go and see him and take this." "Say it reminded you of him and that it's lucky." "How can I take this to him?" "Don't be silly." "Maybe you'll get a goodbye shag." "With this belly?" "Pregnant girls get guys hot." "A real threesome." "You're almost 40 and he's going tomorrow." "At this point you risk screwing it up or you screw it up for sure!" "Go on." "Take my car." "Get out of here." "Get a move on!" "Every day I try to figure out where you're coming from." "It's like trying to guess what's going to happen to us." "For a while now, you've been kind of strange." "Sometimes I wonder, kind of uneasy, what's going to meanwhile, I hold on to hope and the things we said in the square to each other today." "But meanwhile, I hold on to hope and the things we said in the square to each other today." "Now you're leaving, I'll apologize, you'll say no, it'll be alright, and you know why." "I will hide away, now that you're leaving," "I won't go out anymore, tell me what for, if I won't see you?" "As time goes by, you'll meet someone else and forget me and that's only natural." "Though it makes us mad it's always the same and we try hard to pretend." " Hello." "Who are you?" " Who are you?" " I asked you first." " I'm Alina." "Is Fran in?" " Hello." "What do you want?" " What do I want?" " I'm wondering myself." " Okay, 'bye!" "No, no!" "Wait up!" "I want to give this to Fran." " Who are you talking to?" " A girl." "Is she your girlfriend?" " Alina!" " Hi." " Come in." " Thanks." "Guys, why don't go to the kitchen and choose the pizza?" " I came to bring you this." " Alright..." "It's very ugly but it'll bring you good luck." "Well... it's hideous, yeah." " Thanks a lot." " You're welcome." " The oven's beeping!" " Don't touch it, I'll be right there." "Kathy's grandchildren, there was no one to leave them with..." "But look at this place." "I'd better leave you." "No, stick around and help me with them." " Alright." " Really?" " Does it move?" " Yes." "It just kicked, look." "Can I?" "Fran, what a kick!" "Do you want to touch?" "When will it be born?" " In two months, right?" " Yes, in August." " What are you going to call it?" " Rafaela." "You're shitting me!" " Rafaela?" "!" " Didn't you know?" "My mother and grandmother were called Rafaela." " Are they dead?" " Yes, they're dead." " Both of them." " And your father?" "As well." " Lucky you've got a boyfriend." " Yes, just as well." "Right, do you like pizza like this?" " Yes." " Yes." "Then that's how it'll be." "Okay, okay, okay..." "With this number I've burnt up the dance floor." "You're gonna freak." " Are you alright?" " No." " I hurt myself." " Take it easy." " You old man!" " Old man!" " Old man?" " Yeah!" " I'm just a kid." " No, you're old!" "Whose turn is it?" " Mine, mine!" " No, mine!" " No, it's my turn." " No!" "It's my turn to choose the song." "Yes." "And I've got it." "Alright..." "I want to dance," "I want to win." "I want that trophy." "That's going to be hard." "Wait, wait..." " It rang, didn't it?" " Yes, it did." "Guys, the party's over." " Hi." "How were they?" " Good as gold." " They've had supper." " Alina!" "Congratulations." "Thanks." "You didn't tell me." "Thanks a bunch." "See you." "'Bye, Alina." " 'Bye - 'Bye, squirts." "Well..." "I'll be going too." "It was a really fun night." "Yes, unexpected, but..." "Good luck in London and..." "Thanks." "You'll put photos on Twitter?" "Yeah, sure, I guess." "You'll see some." "Pregnancy looks good on you." " Goodbye." " Take care!" "Alina!" "Alina..." "Shit, I'm getting old." "Put me down, I'm really fat." "You want to see something fat?" "Alina." "Come to London with me."