"[ bell tolling ] Hey darko." "See a doctor about your bleeding eye." "[ ominous music plays ]" "Home." "Home." "[ sirens wailing in distance ]" "Here's to lowballing the seller And still getting $50,000 off After the home inspection!" "Ahh!" "We could paint this place today, Sell it tomorrow, And still make money." "Yes, we could." "I love you, jack watson." "I love you." "Now, let me carry you over that Goddamn threshold." "Ooh!" "Wait!" "Stop!" "What?" "What?" "No, no, no!" "Come on!" "Let's not squander the moment!" "No, i peed a little bit." "Oh, god!" "Really?" "!" "I just peed a little bit." "No, it's okay." "Ugh!" "It's just, the babies are Pushing on my bladder." "Will you hand me a tissue?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Do we have paper towels?" "Uh...i got..." "Thanks, baby." "[ chuckles ]" "Hi." "Sorry." "New, uh...new parents -- Soon to be." "Jack, vanessa." "Hi!" "S-she pees a lot." "Okay." "[ sighs ]" "Come on." "Okay." "Ahh!" "[ groaning ] Oh, my god!" "[ laughs ]" "If it makes you feel any better, I just peed a little bit, too." "[ laughs ]" "Jesus!" "You are fat!" "[ laughing ] Honey!" "Oh, my god!" "Oh, my god!" "Honey!" "Ohh!" "Honey, stop!" "[ exaggerated panting ] [ muffled ] Oh, my god!" "[ thunder crashes ]" "Oh!" "Ow!" "Sweetie!" "Shit!" "[ panting ]" "What are you doing?" "[ chuckles ]" "What are you doing?" "!" "I-i don't -- i found this Lamp up in the attic." "I don't know." "I thought i'd get it working again." "No." "[ both scream ]" "Oh, shit!" "That hurts so bad!" "Please, god, let it be." "That thing will kill somebody." "All right." "All right." "Oh!" "I know what i want you to do." "Huh?" "If you have time, i would Really love for you to paint..." "Over the "miss 13" graffiti on The front porch -- first thing." "Oh, my god." "You're so adorable." "Why am i -- [ smooches ]" ""miss 13."" "It's "m.s.-13."" "[ chuckles ]" "Mara salvatrucha -- it's -- it's This gang out of el salvador." "It's the deadliest gang in the world." "Well, one of the -- don't tell The crips that, but they're the Deadliest gang in the world." "So, not only is our new house tagged, It's tagged by a famous gang." "Yeah." "It's like, uh, banksy." "[ singsong voice ] You know how much you love banksy!" "[ normal voice ] It's like that, except, uh, you know, With knifes and face tattoos." "[ smooches ]" "Oh, my god." "What?" "This is the worst idea of our lives." "The lower, lower garden district." "[ chuckles ]" "People don't even know this Neighborhood exists." "No, that's actually not true." "That's not true." "White people don't know that This neighborhood exists." "This neighborhood is on the upswing." "I read all about it in dwell." "You're not just a little Nervous in this house?" "[ sirens wailing in distance ]" "Hey." "There is not one thing to be Afraid of in this house." "Okay?" "Okay." "[ chuckles ] [ both scream ]" "Oh!" "Oh, my god!" "Honey!" "Get something " "Goodness gracious!" "Y'all gave me a fright!" "W-what -- what are you doing Out there?" "I-i'm so sorry." "I was just standing in your breezeway, Like some kind of ne'er-do-well." "Well, yeah." "Come on in." "Make yourself at home." "I absolutely will do that." "Thank you very much." "Please allow me to introduce myself." "I am "frinell" edmunds." "I live across the way over here." "And you are jack and vanessa!" "[ chuckles ]" "Jack, you're a phd student at Tulane university." "How are you?" "And, vanessa, you are an occupational Therapist, expecting your first baby!" "[ chuckles ]" "Wow." "Y-y-you...know a lot about us!" "Pbht!" "Come on, y'all." "Please." "You can't move into the "maison de sang" and Not raise a few eyebrows." ""frinell"?" ""frinell."" "It's spelled just like it sounds." "Yeah -- f-apostrophe" "R-e-s-n-e-l." "It's r-- it's really nice to meet you." "Well, it's very nice to meet The two of you, as well." "Sorry we screamed." "Oh, i'm sorry i screamed." "[ both laugh ]" "Did you say -- um, did you Say "maison de sang"?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "That's what all the locals call it." "You know, that's the name we been using For years and years and years, yeah." "Oh." "Well, that's cool." "This place has a nickname already." "[ laughs ]" "It's like "tara" or "twelve oaks."" "A little bit like that." "Well, that's -- [ southern accent ] That's very southern." "Oh, it is very southern." "[ southern accent ] What does it mean?" ""house of blood."" "H-- what?" ""house of blood."" "And, of course, you know, the cajuns -- They liked to call it "le ou les morts Ne sommeillent jamais."" "Oh, i like that." "Isn't that pretty?" "I love the sound of that." "Um, what does that one mean?" "Oh, "place where the dead never rest."" "Hm." "Yeah." "Then, of course, there's also "casa perdirosa."" "That's spanish for "house of the lost."" "Yeah." "And then some people just call it "the spooky ol' house on down the way."" "But nothin' for y'all to worry about." "No, no, no." "Nobody has been murdered in this House in a lo-o-o-o-ng time." "I mean, it's not like anybody Got murdered up in here yesterday." "[ laughs ] [ laughs ]" "Wow." "See?" "Nobody's been murdered here for A long, long, long, long time -- Years, it sounds like." "Oh -- oh, i'm sorry." "No." "D-did i say "years"?" "'Cause if i did, i misspoke." "No, no, there have been very, Very recent murders." "[ sighs ]" "It's just that, um, not -- Not any in this calendar year." "[ chuckles ]" "Uh, w-when you -- by "calendar year," D-do you mean since january?" "Exactly." "Not -- none in the calendar -- In this calendar year." "Well, that's four solid months." "Well, g-give or take." "P-probably less -- probably more Like 3 1/2, maybe 2 1/2..." "I'll go like t-two months and a week." "Yeah." "B-b-but don't get me wrong." "It's a great house." "It's a fanta-- it got really good bones." "Yeah." "Yeah." "You mean structurally." "[ chuckles ] right?" "Not like there's bones in here someplace." "[ laughter ] [ laughing ] Sure." "Sure, vanessa, let's say That's what i meant." "O...kay." "So, if y'all need anything..." "Okay." "We should -- ...i'll always be real close by." "Good night to you both." "Good night, f'resnel." "Good night, now." "[ dog barking in distance ] [ sighs ]" "Baby, can you " "Yeah, yeah." "Oh, yes!" "[ both scream ]" "I'm sorry." "I apologize." "Oh, my god!" "F'resnel!" "I apologize." "Almost had the baby right there." "Let me get it." "I'm sorry, y'all." "It sticks on the inside." "You got to jimmy it a little" "Bit, but it's real easy to get open And closed and get access to the Home at any point in time..." "During the day or night that you Want, from the outside." "Mm-hmm." "All right." "Okay." "Thanks, f'resnel." "Good night to you, now." "Thanks." "Good night." "Good night." "We have to get a lock on this." "I know." "I know." "Okay?" "I know." "What the fuck?" "[ bells ringing ] [ men chanting in latin ]" "[ italian accent ] And while confronting the demon that Was inhabiting the young woman's..." "Body, father innocente was Impaled with an umbrella." "There was blood everywhere." "Not a very fitting end for Such a fine man of the cloth " "To be stabbed with the pointy End of an umbrella." "You know, it was actually not The pointy kind of umbrella." "It was actually one of those" "Little, stubby umbrellas." "It had, like, the logo of a local radio Station on it -- one of those, you know?" "It had the face of this guy" "They call "the locador."" "He's like a crazy luchador of good times, And his face was on the umbrella." "The umbrella comes popping through The chest of father innocente." "It pop open." "His heart...still...pump..." "For...a few...beats." "Blood sprays everywhere." "It was...not something you Forget right away." "It's all in the report." "Yes, about the report " "Uh, there is an awful lot of details about The impaling of father innocente..." "Si." "...with the umbrella." "Si." "Si." "Next time, i don't need So many details." "Just " "Yeah, broad strokes." "Ah, broad strokes." "The gist." "Si." "Eminence, i must tell you this." "It was probably..." "The kind of umbrella they give You if you go to, like, an event That the radio station is hosting." "Schwag." "And this is the thing -- it Pop through the chest, you" "Know, like the dinosaur..." "This one." "This is how it pop open, and Blood spray everyplace." "It was really, really weird." "It was really weird." "So weird." "[ rustling ]" "One, but i may have another job for you." "What is the case?" "It's a real doozy." "You're already playing catch-up." "Take a look at that photo." "[ gasps ]" "So gross." "Super-gross." "Super-gross." "This is just a photograph." "Si." "Yeah." "In real life, it's far more horrifying." "Get your asses on the chopper." "We are going to need..." "Some per diem." "[ dramatic music cue plays ]" "You know that's not me, right?" "I hope that wasn't for me, because " "No, no!" "No, no, no!" "I was reminding myself..." "Okay." "..."go to accounting." "We are Going to need some per diem."" "Level 4 -- the guy down below." "Both: the hunchback." "Yeah, near the fingers of st." "Peter." "[ discordant piano notes play ] [ shower running ]" "You know what?" "Don't let f'resnel get to you, Even for a second." "Let me put it to you this way " "If you were gonna buy a lottery" "Ticket -- which i know you" "Wouldn't, because we're snobs " "Would you buy it from the same," "Exact 7-eleven where the last" "Winning lottery ticket was sold?" "Of course not." "That's like lightning striking The same place twice." "Yeah." "Precisely." "So the fact that there have Been a couple of murders here " "Several." "Severamurders " "The chances of there being one Murder are so slim statistically." "A-a-a couple?" "I mean, it's almost impossible." "So one more?" "Forget it." "I think you're safer here than in any of The murder-free place we've ever lived at." "You coming to bed, baby?" "Vanessa?" "Sweetie?" "[ knob squeaks ]" "[ scrubbing ] [ ringtone playing ]" "[ ringtone continues ]" "Huh." "[ cellphone chimes ]" "Hi, vanessa." "This is dr." "Marsden." "I was looking at the latest" "Ultrasound, and i have to say," "I'm -- well, i'm...not quite Sure how to say this." "I-i-i'm horrified -- not just As a doctor, but as a person." "You need to come to the office immediately -- [ snarls ]" "Hm." "[ clears throat ] Oh!" "Shit!" "Fuck you, lamp!" "Don't take no shit off that lamp, jack." "Thank you, sweetie." "You're welcome." "Oh!" "Honey, don't forget -- my sister's Coming to bless the house this week." "[ sighs ]" "I don't know, baby." "That stuff's, like, a little too "burning man" for me, you know?" "Jack?" "Please?" "It's something that she wants to Do for us, okay?" "Okay." "Plus, curly bear left her." "Navajo guy?" "Mm-hmm." "[ scoffs ]" "He stole all her credit cards and her car." "Oh, my god." "That's crazy." "Mm-hmm." "Marjorie has credit cards?" "Jack..." "I did not expect that in a million years." "It takes a lot to get credit cards." "It takes...credit." "Be nice." "Who knew?" "Be nice." "And let her do her wicca thing." "Ugh." "God." "[ spits ] [ coughs ]" "Vanessa!" "Yes, darling?" "What was in that drink you just gave me?" "Iced tea, darling." "That's pure paint thinner, baby." "My bad." "You could have killed me." "I'm so sorry." "[ blows ]" "It's...pregnant-mommy brain." "[ chuckles ]" "I must have misread the bottle." "Are you feeling all right?" "What?" "You don't seem all right." "You seem...kind of off." "Me?" "No." "I feel great." "I've actually never felt better." "[ smooches ] [ panting ]" "Sorry about that." "[ sighs ]" "Bitches be trippin'!" "[ laughing ] Am i right?" "That's some crazy shit." "[ laughs ]" "I apologize, man." "I just scared the fuck out of you." "[ sighs ]" "I just woke up in your crawlspace, And i was trying to..." "Tiptoe through to the bathroom Without being seen, and, uh... [ chuckles ] ...it was to no avail." "You know what i'm sayin'?" "[ chuckles ] [ sighs ]" "Did i hear you correctly?" "You're sleeping in my crawlspace?" "Oh, my goodness, yes." "Yes." "[ sighs ]" "How can i explain this to you, jack?" "You know that shakespeare play where The man says, "neither a borrower Nor a lender be, but to..." "Both: thine own self be true."" "Yeah." "It's polonius to laertes." ""hamlet" -- act 1, scene 3." "Well, color me impressed, jack watson." "Color..." "Me..." "Im..." "Pressed." "Hmm." "[ sighs ] [ hollow thud ] [ stomps ]" "[ rustling ] Hello?" "Who's there?" "[ water drips ] [ chuckles ] [ sighs ]" "[ blows ]" "[ box creaks ]" "Oh, my god." "[ door creaks ] [ tapping on box ] [ sighs ] [ sighs ]" "Hey, vanessa?" "!" "I'm gonna take a nap, all right?" "I'm beat." "Of course." "[ sighs ]" "[ gasps ] Oh -- oh, my god." "Baby, don't, don't, don't!" "Oh, my god." "No, i can't -- i'm so sweaty." "I'm so sw" "Oh, my god." "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "D-do that thing." "Do that thing you did in cancún." "Do that " "Ow!" "Ow!" "Oh, my god!" "[ panting ]" "Oka" "Ow, god!" "Hey!" "Careful!" "Careful!" "Baby!" "Aah!" "Honey!" "[ cackling ]" "Oh, my god!" "Oh, my god!" "Oh, my god!" "[ panting ]" "Honey, what's wrong?" "!" "Oh, my god!" "I didn't do anything!" "What did you do?" "!" "I thought it was you!" "I thought it was you!" "You thought it was me?" "You meant to kill me?" "[ panting ] No, no." "Why do you have a boner?" "!" "Honey!" "Oh, my god!" "Oh, my " "What is going on?" "!" "Oh, god." "This looks terrible." "Honey, who is she?" "I don't know who she is!" "She crept up on me." "It was horrifying." "You don't know who she is?" "She crept up on me." "She snuck -- i-i don't know." "I-i didn't mean to hurt her." "What -- jack?" "Don't, don't, don't." "No, no, no." "We have to." "We have to." "We have to." "She'll be okay." "She's not okay." "What?" "She's not okay." "No." "No, no." "She's not dead." "She is dead." "She's -- oh, god!" "Ohh, my god!" "Oh, no." "Oh, my god." "Oh, god." "Oh, my god." "Oh, god." "[ panting ]" "Uh...okay." "Okay." "[ telephone clatters ]" "No." "No cops." "Are you insane?" "!" "I just killed somebody!" "Jesus christ, jack." "Jesus christ!" "When did you start smoking again?" "That doesn't really matter." "Three hours ago." "Let me think, okay?" "[ sighs ]" "This woman is dead." "Even if you tell your side of the Story, who would believe it?" "Do you want to be in jail for the first Three to five years of my twins' life?" "I've got to tell people what really happened." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay, baby." "Okay." "What's the story, jack?" "Um..." "She tried to perform oral sex on Me, and then, um..." "And then i bludgeoned her to Death with a fire extinguisher." "Holy shit!" "Oh, my god." "It sounds like i mouth-raped somebody's Grandmother and then murdered her." "You can't go to jail." "Let me think." "We have babies on the way." "Let me think!" "[ panting ] [ railing clangs ] [ gasps ] [ sighs ]" "Dig." "Oh, shit balls." "What?" "You're supposed to call the City before you dig." "There could be gas lines anywhere." "That's real smart, jack." "Let's call the city and tell them Precisely where we're getting rid Of a corpse from a murder." "[ thunder crashes ]" "That's fair." "[ dog growls ]" "Did you just hear som" "No." "I didn't even finish my question, And you just said no." "Well, i didn't hear anything." "And if you did hear something, It's probably nothing." "[ dog growling ]" "Holy shit." "Don't move a muscle." "There's a big fuckin' dog Staring right at you." "[ speaking demonically ]" "Seriously?" "!" "What the fuck is going on right now?" "!" "You speak bullmastiff?" "Rottweiler." "[ thunder crashes ] [ scoffs ] [ sobbing ]" "Are you crying?" "No." "You're crying." "I was dry-crying 'cause i was Laughing a little bit, too." "I want you to see a psychiatrist." "Will it make you feel better?" "Yes, it will." "[ inhales sharply ]" "Then okay." "[ giggles ] Well, a big hello to you two." "You must be jack and vanessa." "Yeah." "Yep." "Or do i have it the other way around?" "[ both laugh ]" "Jack -- vanessa." "You're...?" "Yes, i'm dr." "Marshall." "Oh!" "I apologize for the Lance armstrong outfit." "I am just nuts about biking." "Ah, us too." "Really?" "What kind of bike you got?" "Uh... [ laughs ] I'm sorry." "I don't know why i said that." "We don't have bikes." "[ laughing ] At all." "Yeah." "I-i was just trying to be nice." "[ laughs ]" "Looks like jack, here, might be Mr. Cuckoo pants, not you!" "[ both laugh ] [ laughing ] Right, vanessa?" "That's fair." "[ laughs ]" "Doctor, you can very clearly see the Outline of your penis in those shorts." "Baby, look." "And, uh...i will change." "And then we will open up the hood and see What's gunking up the works in there, okay?" "[ laughs ]" "How does that sound?" "Sounds good." "[ laughs ]" "Get out of there, you crazy gremlins!" "[ laughs ]" "Leave this nice lady alone!" "[ laughter ]" "Don't worry, kid!" "Mommy's not gonna be crazy forever!" "Okay." "Come on." "There you go." "Oh, thanks, guys." "[ groans ]" "Come on in." "[ cellphone ringing ]" "Oh." "Hold on." "Uh, i'll be right in, okay?" "Sorry." "[ cellphone beeps ]" "Hello?" "Jack, my main man." "Um, there are two police officers Right here, right now, in your home." "[ chuckles ]" "And they seem really anxious to Speak to you." "I didn't do anything." "Oh, interesting." "That's interesting that you Would say that." "I'm no expert, but that sounds like the kind Of thing that a guilty person would say." "[ chuckles ]" "Well, i didn't do anything, okay?" "Innocent people say that, too." "Yep." "I'm sure they do." "Mm-hmm." "Wait -- how did they find you?" "Oh, uh... [ chuckles ]" "Long story -- they knocked on the Door, and then i answered it." "At my house?" "Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "I just popped in for a shower." "No big deal." "Listen, listen." "For now, just get rid of the Cops for now, okay, please?" "I-i think they want to talk To you about mrs." "Nussbaum." "Can we not talk about this on The phone right now, f'resnel?" "Get rid of the cops, please." "I'm begging you." "Okay." "Well, consider it done, my white brother." "Much love." "[ laughs ] [ laughing ] You are a riot." "Thank you so much, doctor." "I can't tell you how much we appreciate it." "Thanks." "[ sighs deeply ]" "That was fast." "What'd he say?" "That i'm 100% fine." "[ laughs ]" "I'm just stressed out about the babies." "He even wrote me a prescription for valium." "[ chuckles ]" "Isn't it great?" "What?" "Yeah." "Wait." "He actually said "100% fine,"" "And then he wrote you a prescription For valium even though you're eight Months pregnant with twins?" "Yep." "Wow." "I'm -- i-i'm just stunned." "That's all." "I almost don't believe it." "Oh." "Well, if you don't believe me, Then..." "W-why don't you just ask him?" "Let me just talk to him real quick, okay?" "I'll be right back." "If..." "[ sighs ] [ voice breaking ] If you don't trust me..." "As a mother..." "No, no." "I'm the mother of your unborn Babies, but no, no, no, no, no, no, no." "I want you to go ask." "I'm sorry." "No!" "Go ahead!" "I want you to ask him, 'cause i don't Want to go home and talk about this." "I trust you." "I trust you." "I do." "I do." "I'm sorry." "I just didn't trust him." "You know?" "Come on." "Let's get you some valium, huh?" "Let's get you all valiumed up." "[ sniffles ]" "All right?" "You're the best." "[ sputtering ] Help." "[ elevator music plays ]" "Excuse me?" "Excuse me, fathers?" "Excuse me." "Hi." "I hate to be a pest, but" "Louisiana has some pretty sticky Clean-indoor-air laws, and you" "Guys are in major violation of Them right now." "So if you wouldn't mind taking The cigarettes out of doors..." "If we, uh, rap this up in Time, i kind of want to check Out the french quarter, huh?" "Is this the place where the Girls flash their boobies?" "It's the vieux carré." "It's the original city " "Founded in 1718." "It's 78 square blocks that are all Protected national historic landmarks." "It's an area steeped in the history of the Spanish and the french and the civil war." "But it is also the place where the Girls flash their boobies, si?" "Si." "College girls, taking their perky, brand-new Boobs out for a little, uh, victory lap." "The sweat of their young bosom Mixing with jagermeister and" "The humidity of the bayou, Jiggling for fool's gold." "Please, my friend." "You had me at "perky, new boobs."" "Mm." "Oh!" "Fuck!" "[ sighs ]" "I told you -- let that thing be." "[ dog growling ]" "Is that dog back again?" "I do not like that thing Creeping around here." "I think it's kind of cute." "I'm gonna buy a gun." "This neighborhood is nuts." "Smart, jack -- move to the Ghetto and bring another gun in." "You should have your npr tote bag Taken away for comments like that." "Morning, y'all." "[ gasps ]" "Hi, f'resnel." "How you doin'?" "[ pounding on door ]" "Jack watson?" "New orleans parish police." "Hi." "Uh, yeah." "Yeah, i'm jack watson." "I'm sorry." "Have i, uh, done anything wrong?" "You tell us, boy genius." "You...tell us." "You wouldn't know the whereabouts Of one miss elaine nussbaum?" "About 90 years old, 5'9"," "Missing a couple teeth." "Nope." "No, i don't." "[ chuckles ]" "Really?" "Has something happened to her?" "You tell us." "I-- Is -- is that a "yes"?" "You tell us." "Tell us." "I don't know anything about her." "Listen, if you're gonna ask us Questions, should we get a lawyer?" "If you're guilty, you Absolutely should." "Absolutely." "Don't say another word..." "If you're guilty." "So..." "Are you?" "Are you guilty, shakespeare?" "Are ya, einstein?" "Hmm?" "Let me ask you a question, brainiac." "[ sighs ]" "What did you do that makes You nervous?" "What'd you do, bookworm?" "Nothing!" "I" "I didn't do anything." "Why don't you take a walk With us, casanova?" "Why don't you take a walk With us, casanova?" "Wait." "I'm sorry." "I'm confused." "Yeah." "Uh, am i still casanova?" "Because up until now, all the Nicknames have been" "Smart-guy-related, and that's More like..." "lover boy." "Yes, casanova's also you." "I was trying to come up with another Smart guy, and i just blanked." "I'm sorry." "Should have said stephen hawking." "Sh-- you " "Why don't you take a walk With us, molière?" "Nice." "[ flies buzzing ]" "So..." "[ clears throat ]" "Haven't seen miss nussbaum in a while." "I'm wondering how you'd explain this." "[ gasps ]" "[ cackling ] Oh, my god!" "She just wanted to say thank you." "W-why -- i didn't " "Why does she want to say thank you?" "According to her, she got lost When she was sleepwalking." "You found her, put her down for A nap, and now she feels fine." "I feel fine!" "Ah." "[ clapping ]" "She lives, uh, down at the Nursing home down the block." "She, you know, gets out all the time." "I thought you checked her pulse." "I thought you checked her Pulse." "I did check her pulse." "Looks like somebody wants To give you a hug." "[ chuckles ] no." "It is our duty to legally Enforce that hug." "[ chuckles ]" "I'm...pretty sure you can't Legally enforce a hug." "Just suck it up." "Give her a hug." "Honey, do it." "You have to do it." "Just hug the bitch, champ." "Guys, listen, listen, listen." "I don't want to hug her, okay?" "Please -- i don't want to hug her." "She's old." "Hey!" "That is someone's great-grandmother You're talking about." "Don't " "Okay!" "Okay!" "Okay?" "I'll hug her." "I'll hug her." "[ panting ]" "I'm so glad you're okay, mrs." "Nussbaum." "Okay." "All right?" "Great." "Great." "Okay." "Okay, great." "[ grunting ]" "Guys?" "Act like a lady, mrs." "Nussbaum." "[ cackling ]" "I need a little help!" "She's really strong!" "Act like a lady!" "Please, help me!" "[ cackling ]" "Be a lady, mrs." "Nussbaum!" "She's got a finger in my ass!" "She's got a finger in my ass, And it hurts so bad!" "Bad grandma!" "[ taser zaps ]" "Gotcha!" "Aah!" "Oh!" "Geez!" "Aah!" "Still got it." "Oh, her nails are so sharp!" "You okay?" "I'm sorry about that." "That was gross." "Is she alive?" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "She'll be fine." "The fuckin' city turned down the Power on these babies a couple Years ago to save money." "These things couldn't kill anybody." "[ taser zaps ]" "Oh, fuck!" "Aah!" "It's not a big thing." "You don't have to worry about it." "Yeah, you don't have to worry about -- [ taser zaps ] [ screams ]" "Come on, ron!" "Shit, man!" "I got fillings!" "Fuck!" "Wow." "If...you don't need us for Anything else, we should..." "Yeah, that's..." "Yeah." "That's about it." "Great." "We're good." "Great." "Okay." "Good." "Well, you know -- you know where to find us." "Thanks for helping us sort all this out." "You're welcome." "Still don't know why that old Lady was dazed and covered in Dirt, but...fuck it, right?" "[ laughs weakly ] [ laughing ] oh, my god." "What just happened?" "[ laughs ]" "I thought she was dead." "Me too." "[ both chuckling ]" "To living and learning." "[ chuckling ] To living and learning." "Mm." "Ahhhhh." "Wow." "Ohh." "I think we have to kill those cops." "[ chuckles ] yeah." "Honey." "They know way too much." "[ laughs ]" "Uh, i'm really tired, but i Can't tell if you're joking or not." "I'm fine." "I didn't ask you if you're fine." "I'm fine." "Whew!" "Need a new bottle." "[ chuckles ]" "Can we...just tone it down a Little bit with the booze?" "Mm." "Judge judy." "Just, everything in moderation, okay?" "No more." "You win." "No one." "[ sighs ] [ clears throat ]" "I'm gonna go, uh..." "I'm gonna go wash all this Old-lady vagina off me." "[ groaning ] Oh, my god." "[ sighs ] [ exhales deeply ]" "I'll be thinking about this guy next Time i'm fighting off a boner." "Phew." "Man, check this out." "[ camera beeps ]" "Both: oh, gross!" "[ camera beeps ]" "Gross." "[ camera beeps ]" "Gross!" "[ camera beeps ]" "Ugh!" "Gross!" "Hey, father." "Thanks for coming Down so quickly." "Peace be with you." "Yeah, peace be with you." "And also with you." "Peace be with you." "Peace be with you." "Peace be with you." "And also with you." "Peace be with you." "Yikes." "Our chief called you as soon as he Heard about this poor son of a bitch." "You know, we get some voodoo Stuff every now and then, but" "This just seemed kind of more, Uh..." "Biblical?" "Biblical." "Yeah." "Mm." "It's pretty weird." "Super-, super-weird." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Shall we?" "If you want." "Scusi." "All yours." "Scusi." "Your crime scene." "Your crime scene." "[ camera flashing ] [ chanting in latin ]" "Wow." "Get any readings off of him?" "We don't get, uh, readings." "That's not us." "That's the ghost hunters." "The ghost hunters." "We don't do that." "Oh, right." "But is this the work of the devil?" "This?" "Oh, off the record " "Between you, me, and the Crucified guy on the wall..." "I'd say that this is the work Of the devil." "Or one of his very top guys." "People, they think that the Devil, he's made up, like" "Santa claus, but i assure you -- The devil is real." "And he's a dick." "Well, all due respect, padres, we've Still got to check and see if there's A human involved in this clambake." "But we're open to the devil thing, too." "Could be the devil." "Could be the devil, you know." "Could be an ex-girlfriend on pcp." "Si, si." "It's no problem." "You do your thing." "We do ours." "We're not trying to step on your toes." "So, i guess we'll call the Coroner, get him taken down to The morgue, call it a day." "Yeah." "Hey, you guys new in town?" "Si." "Si." "You ever have a domilise's po'boy?" "Ohhh, po'boy." "It's good." "[ chuckles ]" "Mm." "Mmm." "Mm." "Ah, si." "Mmm." "Mm." "Mmm!" "Mm." "Yeah." "Oh!" "Yeah." "Mm." "Mmm." "Yeah." "Mm." "Oh." "Mmm." "Yeah." "Mm." "Mmm." "Yeah." "Mmm." "Oh!" "Oh." "Yeah." "Mm." "Oh." "Mmmm." "Mm-mmm." "Mmmm." "Mm." "Oh." "Mm." "Mmm." "Mmm!" "Mm." "Mmm." "Mmm!" "[ slurping ]" "Mmm." "[ chips crunching ]" "Armph!" "[ gulping ] [ pop ] [ belches ] [ gulping ]" "Mmm." "[ glugging ] [ clink ]" "Mm." "Mmm." "Mm." "[ slurps ] [ gulps ] [ burps ]" "Mm!" "[ gulps ]" "Si!" "Mmm." "[ belches ] [ farts ] [ farts squeakily, sighs ] [ chuckles ]" "Ahh." "Ugh." "Oh!" "Whew!" "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Whew!" "Ahh." "Oh." "Ohh!" "[ belches ] [ farts ]" "Lo siento." "Whoa." "I can't eat any more." "[ groans ]" "How did you two guys become priests, anyway?" "Yeah, you guys don't really Even seem that gay." "Mm." "Mpath to the priesthood Was, you know, the usual." "I was an up-and-coming Bullfighter in madrid." "Wow." "Shit." "That's awesome." "What happened?" "What happened..." "Is that the bull does not lose Every bullfight." "This bull was like the Michael jordan of bulls." "He was amazing." "You know, he poked me through Like i was a custard flan and He was -- and he was..." "A bull, you know." "A bull." "Exactly like that." "The bad thing is, i could hear The parade that they threw for The bull, you know?" "'Cause this bull was very popular then." "He's still popular now for Almost killing such a promising Young matador, you know?" "Whoa." "So, what about you?" "Were you like a bullfighter, too?" "I was one of those Living-statue guys, eh?" "Oh, yeah!" "One of those guys." "Those weirdos that paint themselves All white." "Make a lot of tips." "Ladies love it." "What happened?" "Bad luck." "[ gunshots ]" "I got caught in the crossfire of A local mafia feud." "They were trying to shoot a capo Who was testifying against the" "Family, and, uh, i don't know if They no see me or they just" "Think i'm a statue, but i got shot 19 times." "19 times seems excessive." "They, uh, say it's still a record In that part of italy, eh?" "Hey!" "Yeah, not bad." "For italy, that's something." "To italy!" "That is something for italy." "Put that on your facebook page." "They take me back to a local Hospital, and there, the good Sisters save my life." "They sucked the 19 bullets out Of my body with their mouths." "[ heavenly music plays ]" "I guess the doctor was not there That day." "Huh." "It was a good day." "Describe that memory for just another second." "[ music continues ]" "It was on that day i decided To give my life to god." "[ belches ] But you're probably wondering How we became partners." "[ chuckles ]" "Let's tell the story." "I was new to the force." "And i'm a bit of a renegade." "[ cop-show music plays ]" "You no get along, you do get along." "And then you do get along." "I got it." "Yes." "Can i just tell a little bit more?" "It's okay." "I get it." "We get it." "We get it." "We listened to your whole backstory." "I'm sure it's fascinating." "I know, you cops -- you don't Get along, and then you do." "We get it." "No, it's actually much more Complicated than that." "That's okay." "That's okay." "Hey, have you guys ever been To bourbon street?" "[ rock music playing ]" "[ panting, growling ]" "[ gasps ] [ panting ] [ gasps ] [ whines ] [ snarls, snorts ]" "[ sighs ]" "[ bottles and jars rattle ] [ hisses ]" "[ slurping ] [ exhales deeply ]" "There you are, sleeping beauty." "I'm going back to bed," "Sweetie." "You've been asleep for 36 hours." "You feeling okay?" "How many valium did you take?" "Not that many." "These little devils are kicking me so Hard and scratching like a motherfucker." "[ laughs ]" "Scratching?" "I don't think that's right." "I think we should call dr." "Marshall." "[ rasps ] [ demonically ] I'm fine." "[ normal voice ] Oh." "Don't forget -- marjorie wants to do the Smudge ceremony for the house, okay?" "Okay." "[ inhales sharply ] Mm." "[ sighs ]" "[ dialing ]" "[ sighs ] [ ringing ] Come on." "[ telephone ringing ] [ latin music playing through headphones ]" "[ ringing ] Damn it!" "[ sighs ]" "Come on!" "[ sighs ]" "Jackie boy!" "Oh, my god!" "Oh!" "Whoa!" "Both: ohhh!" "Haa!" "Both: [ sighing ] ohh." "Ohh." "Ohh." "Whew!" "[ both sigh ]" "Wow!" "My apologies." "I am so sorry." "I must have really given you a Fright, you know, just lurking" "Down here in your crawlspace like Some terrifying man-sized opossum!" "[ chuckling ] I'm sorry." "You know?" "Holy mackerel, man." "I tell you, they're spooky marsupials." "Yeah." "Oh, boy, oh, boy." "Yeah." "You know what?" "Now is a good time to set some ground Rules about coming and going." "Oh!" "You know what?" "That reminds me." "Has somebody removed a box of Vintage pornography?" "I had, um [clears throat] i had Been looking after it, you see." "And then i look -- i just came, And it wa-- [pops lips] It just wasn't there, you know?" "It had moved in some way, shape, or form." "No." "You have not seen it?" "No." "No." "Sorry." "No?" "Okay." "All right." "Okay." "Well, i-i-if you happen to come by it, I do consider it mine, all right?" "But before you get upset..." "I want you know, i know what you're thinking." "You know, "i don't want f'resnel Pleasuring himself in my crawlspace To vintage pornography."" "I get it." "[ chuckles ]" "Uh, you know, it's fu-- i Hadn't yet formulated that" "Thought into words, but now that You say it out loud, that's" "Exactly what i was thinking, yes." "Well, you know, you know what, jack?" "Let me tell you something." "It's just like our boy shakespeare says, Baby -- "if we lovers have offended, Think but this, and all is mended."" "Am i right?" "Oh, i hate "midsummers" " "Oh, hey, i wanted to ask you About mrs." "Nussbaum and how she" "Was all covered up in that dirt And then asking after you and" "Then the police coming and Questioning you." "I mean..." "What was that all about?" "T-that was just a stupid Misunderstanding." "Ohh!" "Yeah." "Oh, okay." "Okay." "So it wasn't like you thought You had murdered her and you Were actually burying her alive?" "[ chuckling ] What?" "No." "No?" "Ah...unh-unh." "Okay." "No, no." "What?" "!" "No, i-i-i-i-i-i" "Well, um, f-- [ chuckles ]" "Ch-- sh" "No." "What -- what -- what -- may i ask, What gave you that very specific And detailed impression?" "Oh, well, you know..." "You know, jack, um..." "Sometimes i see things." "I see lots of detailed things." "We have a friendly relationship, right?" "Of course, f'resnel." "So, uh, you know, let's not Worry about my comings and" "Goings and what have you and Worry about our friendship." "Like, when one of us sees the Other friend murder a person and" "Dispose of the body, then we Just let it slide." "You know what i mean?" "Even if it's just a half-murder, Like with you and mrs." "Nussbaum." "What you say?" "Huh?" "[ sighs ]" "What you think about that?" "[ sighs ]" "Of course." "Hey." "Yep?" "Let me ask you something." "Mm-hmm." "Have you seen a big, scary Dog around here?" "Okay, now, jack, i'm sorry." "That dog is as exactly alive as Mrs. Nussbaum is dead." "Dog is a" "I'm sorry." "I can't -- i can't do the math." "It's a ghost dog." "That's a straight-up ghost dog." "Oh." "Yeah, peop-- people been seeing The dog and whatnot, and" "I'll tell you right now, i don't Believe in it." "When you see a big-ass dog Running around, there's Something else that you see." "And do you know what that is, jack?" "No." "What?" "Dog puup." "Dog...?" "Dog puup." "When you got a dog running around, It's gonna big ol' piles of dog Puup everywhere." "And i have been here for 15 years." "I ain't never, nary seen no one pile." "15 years, no..." "No puup." "...puup?" "Yep, yep." "Not a single bit." "That's just a phantom dog, okay?" "He's probably a specter from the beyond, okay?" "He's probably just some kind of, like, Little devil's minion who has taken a Form that he knows will scare us." "Keep this in your mind, okay?" "This is food for thought for you right now." "Ghosts...don't kill people." "People kill people." "And occasionally, you'll have a Person who's under the evil power Of a ghost who will kill somebody." "But i got to tell you something Right now -- this house " "Phew!" " i think it's got its Best days ahead of it." "Thanks, f'resnel." "Oh, you're welcome." "You're welcome, brother." "I think, uh..." "Think i need to get a po'boy." "Hm." "Are you game?" "Oh, no." "No, no." "I shouldn't." "You know what?" "Fuck it." "Mm." "Mm." "Wow!" "[ wrapper crinkles ]" "Wow." "Mm-hmm?" "Wow!" "Mm." "[ slurps ]" "Hot diggity." "Whew!" "Mm-hmm?" "Wow!" "[ slurps ] [ blows nose ]" "There it is." "[ burps ]" "Yeah." "Blblbl!" "Mm-hmm!" "Ha ha!" "Wow!" "[ both slurp ] [ both exhale deeply ]" "Two more shrimp po'boys." "[ thunder crashes ] [ dog growling ]" "[ panting ] Fuck!" "[ sighs ] [ panting continues ] [ grunts ]" "Come on!" "Hunh!" "[ sighs ]" "Aah!" "Aaaah!" "Aah!" "Aaah!" "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "I am so sick of being startled!" "[ water running ]" "Mrs. Nussbaum?" "No, silly." "It's me." "[ sighs ]" "Hm." "[ zipper opens, belt rattles ]" "I hope, uh, i hope there's some Hot water left over for... [ french accent ] Ze little monsieur." "Aah!" "Oh, my god!" "Marjorie!" "Why is my wife's sister in my shower?" "I got to set some ground rules Around here right now -- Starting right now." "I said it was me." "Geez." "Wait -- the little monsieur?" "Really?" "Ohh!" "No, come on!" "It's the -- you have to know the context." "Wait a minute." "I didn't know you were circumcised, jack." "Really?" "We never covered that at thanksgiving?" "It's genital mutilation, you know." "Slicing off the tops of boy's dicks Because a couple-thousand-year-old book" "About a medicine man named moses Says to do it?" "That's religion for you." "Hah!" "[ inhales deeply ]" "Okay, well, um..." "Let's talk about something else." "Uh...when did you leave the reservation?" "You have a pretty nice dick, jack." "Thank you?" "You know i don't believe in Marriage, which is basically" "Institutionalized slavery and The subjugation of women." "Huh!" "Didn't -- i've never heard you Say that before." "Yeah." "Just because you're married to my Sister, that doesn't mean you own her." "[ sighs ]" "So, uh...what were we talking About before the dick thing?" "Uh...yeah." "When did you leave the reservation?" "Oh, last week." "I moved to a cooperative farm in baton rouge." "Yuck." "It's pretty cool." "Here." "Help a sister out and get my back, will you?" "I do-- mm..." "Thank you." "[ sighs ] [ scoffs ] it does not." "It's all-natural, organic quinoa-flax Lotion with kelp and octopus placenta." "Octopus placenta." "[ groans ]" "Such strong hands." "My sister's got such good taste." "Ohh, yeah." "I'm a fucking idiot with guys." "Really?" "Mm-hmm." "Curly bear left me." "Oh." "He embarrassed me in front of the whole tribe." "I doubt it." "Plus, he stole my subaru outback and All my credit cards." "And my banjo." "Mm-hmm." "And my macbook pro." "Yeah." "Well, i bet you called the cops." "No, of course not." "If anything, i should be Thanking curly bear, you know?" "I was so wrapped up in material b.s. That i was missing the moment." "Yeah, i know." "That banjo was totally holding you back." "Yeah." "Spin." "I'll do you now." "No." "[ sighs ]" "Trust me -- this stuff is like your Skin never breathed before, like it's Been suffocating until today." "Skin doesn't breathe." "You ever heard that?" "It's impossible." "[ giggles ] sure, jack." "[ giggles mockingly ] [ sighs ] [ sighs ]" "It's not sexual, jack." "Mm." "It's just people." "Awesome." "Well, thank you for the octopus placenta..." "You're welcome." "...and that conversation." "And i am gonna go..." "Anywhere else, because i've got a ton to Do, and this is wildly inappropriate." "You have an erection, jack." "Yeah." "I get them." "It's nothing to be embarrassed by." "It's totally natural." "If anything, i think it should be celebrated." "Hmm." "That's what a maypole symbolizes, of course." "Of course." "Oh, hey!" "Aah!" "Wow!" "Hi!" "It's like grand central station in here." "Oh, my god!" "Hi!" "Oh, you must be marjorie." "Yes!" "Nice to meet you." "Hi!" "I am f'resnel." "I'm very sorry to hear about curly bear." "Pbht!" "Thank you." "Aie-bah-baaaah!" "We call on you, oglefay." "We thank you for cleaning this House of e-e-e-vil." "We thank jack for opening his Doors and his heart." "We thank f'resnel for bearing Witness to this ceremony." "We thank this guy...for..." "Yeah, i'm just here to install The cable internet." "Sorry." "The circle's already been Established, so if you'll just Bear with us a few minutes..." "Cool." "Pbht!" "Pbht!" "So sorry you got roped into this." "Wait." "Where's my sister?" "She's lying down." "She's not feeling well." "Well, you should have insisted." "I did." "And she did this." "Goddamn!" "Oh, dear!" "Goddamn." "Okay, that could get infected." "You might want to get some Bactine on there." "Thank you!" "I put some fucking bactine on it!" "Whoa, jack." "I'm sorry." "It's just that, uh, this house has Had a strange effect on my wife," "And i think she might be possessed by A demon, so i'm a little stressed out." "This is an evil house, so we doin' this Little, you know, gris-gris ceremony." "Not a day too soon, neither." "It's actually a haitian ceremony." "It cleans the space of bad spirits." "Cool." "Very cool." "[ blows ]" "Again, just here for the cable internet." "[ inhales ] [ exhales ]" "[ sighs ]" "[ coughing ]" "Is there marijuana in there?" "Uh-huh." "Yeah." "Is that what usually goes in there?" "No, it's usually just tobacco, But tobacco is so bad for you." "[ lighter clicks ]" "Is it just me, y'all, or is" "This, um..." "Very, very..." "Very strong marijuana?" "We grow it on the reservation." "Do you, now?" "Yeah." "Good for you, baby." "Yeah." "[ sitar music plays ]" "My hands are like -- like the hulk." "You know the incredible hulk?" "No, they're like regular size?" "'Cause they feel like hulk hands." "[ sighs ]" "Like i can just punch a crater Into the ground, you know?" "I got to go to the hospital." "I think i should go to the hospital." "I also have to go to the hospital." "The other me needs to go to the hospital If i can get down there." "Tomorrow." "Shh!" "Just ride it out." "It's like surfing a wave." "It seems too big at first, and then Soon, you're coasting into the beach, And the view is fantastic." "You guys, it's so beautiful!" "It's not a different me." "It's me from a different time." "[ howls ]" "Gizo, gizo, gizo!" "Funky calatchyo!" "Funyon!" "[ trilling ]" "Ohhhhhhh!" "Ya-ya-ya-ya-yo-lo-lo-lo" "Yo-lo-lo-lo hah!" "[ chanting ]" "Ee-pacho!" "Ee-home!" "Be cle-e-e-e-an!" "And now this place is clean." "[ creaking, rumbling ] [ crashing ] Waah!" "Oh!" "Oh, my god!" "Oh, my god!" "It's an earthquake!" "Go to the doorway!" "That is a myth!" "Get next to a large piece of furniture!" "Whaah!" "Aah!" "Vanessa!" "Whaaah!" "Oh, hell no!" "[ all screaming ] [ screaming fades ]" "Hmm." "[ scoffs ] Well, that is incredibly odd." "[ all screaming ]" "Whoa!" "The earthquake is only inside the house!" "Everybody out!" "[ all screaming ]" "God damn it!" "What...?" "[ all sigh ]" "Hi!" "You guys bought the house of blood, huh?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Mind if i ask what you got it for?" "$320,000." "Ogggggh." "Hey." "Hi." "Hi." "Hi." "What's happen" "Hi." "Hi." "Um...there's an earthquake." "But it's only inside." "It's not outside." "I say we just go and wait it out." "Yeah, i'm probably just gonna go, If that's okay with you guys." "Yeah, okay." "Could you sign this saying You're satisfied with my..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course." "...installation of cable internet." "Okay." "Just initial that." "Okay." "Great." "All right." "Great." "Are you sure you're okay to drive?" "Well, i'm very, very high, so..." "Let's find out!" "Okay." "[ breathing shakily ]" "[ van door closes ] [ engine turns over ]" "[ brakes squeak ]" "[ brakes squeak ] [ backup signal beeping ]" "What just happened?" "We have to get out of this house tonight." "This is like in the movies when insane Shit happens and they still don't leave." "No." "Do not be rash." "You always do this." "This is our home." "Something obviously thinks that It's its home, and it's trying To scare the shit out of us!" "You're screaming at me, And i like it here!" "Well, i don't like it here!" "I like it!" "Now, now." "Hey, everybody calm down." "Now, listen, you lovebirds, Don't fight right now, okay?" "We'll talk this all over over one Of f'resnel's famous pizza salads!" "Ha-ha!" "Mm!" "Huh?" "Wow!" "What'd i tell you?" "[ chuckles ]" "When you said "pizza salad"..." "I was kind of skeptical, f'resnel." "[ chuckles ]" "Yeah." "I just thought you were just gonna throw Some pizza slices in a bowl of salad." "Oh, that's very much what i did do." "Oh?" "Precisely." "In fact, that's why we call it "pizza salad."" "[ chuckles ]" "You know what i'm sayin'?" "Get this -- take a domino's pizza, you Toss it in a bowl with some salad..." "Mm-hmm?" "...also from domino's." "Oh!" "Mm-hmm." "Well, i think this is a perfect Time to bring up some of the" "Weird stuff that's been going On in the house." "Mm-hmm." "Mm-hmm." "Uh, namely marjorie's... [ chuckles ]" ""smudge ceremony."" "I think it may have awoken Something...really big." "Thank you." "Not a co" "Or..." "Someone could have hit our gas line While digging in the backyard." "That could also explain it." "Actually..." "I don't think that explains it, vanessa." "There is nothing wrong with this house." "Okay." "Old houses settle." "[ laughs ]" "That was...way beyond settling!" "Way beyond settling!" "I know carpentry!" "That was not settling, bob vila!" "Okay?" "That was a three-minute-long, massive Shock wave that would register at 6 or 7 on a richter scale." "You are packing your kimono, and We are going to a motel tonight." "[ knock on door ] [ sighs ]" "Are you jack watson?" "Yeah." "Yeah, i mean, we met here two Days ago -- right here." "Oh." "Did we, mozart?" "Did we meet two days ago?" "Don't be a dick..." "Renzo piano, the famous architect." "Your fat wife around?" "My wife is pregnant with twins." "Oh, yeah -- right." "Heard that before." "Where's she at?" "She's in the kitchen, Eating pizza salad with my" "Sister-in-law and my black Friend and neighbor, f'resnel." "You don't have to be that Specific with us, sir." "Mind if we ask her a couple questions?" "Can i say no?" "[ scoffs ] yeah." "But then we come back with a Warrant, and you better be Lawyered up, gregory hines." "The dancer guy?" "I don't kno-- i don't know Why i said that." "Yeah, i don't know why you Said that, either." "Folks, we need you to look at Some photographs, but i will" "Warn you, they are [smacks lips] A little bit graphic." "[ all gasp ]" "Oh!" "Oh, god." "Mnh!" "Aah!" "Oh, heavens." "I-i apologize." "I " "Yeah, they're graphic." "Jack?" "Hm?" "Honey..." "Oh, no, no, no." "I'm not gonna puke." "I mean, i'm not a puker." "[ vomiting ] Oh, god." "F'resnel." "Marge." "It's okay." "Oh!" "Very natural." "Oh, god." "They're very gruesome -- very Gruesome pictures." "It's okay." "Oh!" "Oh, god!" "Okay." "Oh, my god." "Okay." "Well, you know what?" "Perhaps we could continue this Conversation in the living room, Which, um, has less vomit in it." "Yeah." "[ sucking through teeth ] [ sniffs ]" "This is dr." "Michael marshall." "Or at least..." "It was." "'Cause he's dead!" "[ voice breaking ] Oh, my god." "He wrote down when he died?" "That's pretty weird, isn't it?" "[ talks mockingly ]" "Fuck...you." "Hers was the last appointment on his books." "Now, we're not saying that You did anything, obviously." "We just want to know if you saw Anything, heard anything unusual." "That's all." "No, i..." "God." "Okay." "I can't believe this kind of thing Can happen in this day and age." "I just -- [ sniffles ]" "Maybe we " "Hey. [ snaps fingers ]" "What's with the blood on your shirt?" "Ohh." "Uh, yeah, gosh." "I should have taken care of this." "This is, um, i scratched myself earlier." "Yeah." "And, um...mm." "Mm-hmm." "What'd you scratch yourself on?" "A grizzly bear?" "The question...remains." "Did you...see anything..." "Unusual?" "I told you -- no." "Neither of you saw anything Out of the ordinary?" "No." "That's good." "All right." "Okay." "Thank you, guys." "Well, thank you very much for your time." "Yeah." "No further questions from us." "We appreciate that and, uh, All your patience." "We will be in touch." "Have a good day." "Well...[ sighs ] They're hiding something." "While you were talking to them, We did a full sweep of the house." "We searched the place, and we feel there Is something very unholy about this house." "Si." "Well, i can tell you this " "That fat girl, she doesn't know a thing." "The woman -- does she look anything... [ snaps fingers ] like this?" "[ chuckling ] Whoa!" "Yeah!" "Great skates!" "She looks a lot like that." "We take these pictures in the House three minutes ago." "What the shit?" "!" "Wait -- you took these in the House three minutes ago?" "How'd you print them out so quick?" "[ snaps fingers ]" "Holy cow!" "That's a small printer." "Tiny printer, right?" "It's not about the size " "It's about the quality." "That's what i'm impressed with." "Printer technology move forward These days leaps and bounds." "That's adorable." "This is the same tiny printer that Is endorsed by ashton "cook-a-ner."" "Ashton "kushner," he say..." "He use the same one." "..."only one printer i use."" "[ snaps fingers ] that one!" "Well, he's cool, and if he's using It, then by de facto, i'm kind of Cool, right?" "I like all of the movies Where ashton "kushner" get Married by accident, you know?" "He accidentally got married!" "He, like, wake up, and "uh-oh!"" "Yeah, and the judge goes, "i Sentence you to marriage."" ""you can't do this!"" "You can't do this!" "You can't do this." ""you cannot do this!"" "Marriage is a sentence." "What were we saying?" "With the hellhound, with the Crucifixion in the doctor's" "Office, we feel it is very possible We have demonic possession." "I don't know, guys." "They're actually super-sweet," "And, uh, the woman -- i mean," "He's like mego-prego, so i don't know." "She's prego?" "Jeepers." "How far along is she?" "Well, guys, we're not doctors, But she's pretty far along." "She's ready to drop." "Look, we'd love to help you Out, but, i mean, just because You think someone's possessed," "We have pictures of a ghost dog And a gruesome crucifixion" "Murder, i mean, none of these Things really connect." "I mean, if they did it, they'll slip Up, and when they do, we'll be here." "We got everything under control." "[ bird screeches ]" "Oh, geez!" "What the hell?" "It's just a crow, just a dead crow." "It's just a dead crow." "No." "It's a harpy." "See for yourself, huh?" "You guys get a lot of these?" "You'd be surprised." "Kinda." "Yeah." "What does it mean?" "The harpy..." "Yeah." "...is a harbinger of evil." "It is...a message from hell." "Trust me -- things are about to Get very, very bad." "[ tires screeching ]" "Gee whiz." "I-i am so sorry." "There was a bumblebee in the Car, and i just lost control." "Oh, fuck." "Oh, fuck!" "[ tires squeal ]" "Well..." "What should we do now?" "Now we wait." "Now..." "We wait." "[ whirring ] [ dial-up modem beeping ] [ choir singing in latin ]" "[ thunder crashes ] [ growling in distance ]" "[ hissing ]" "Wha!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Oh, my god!" "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "[ both scream ]" "[ laughs demonically ] [ all screaming ] [ howls demonically ]" "Ohhh!" "[ all panting ] Oh, my god." "You guys, we need a doctor." "No." "We need a priest." "[ engine revs, siren wails ] [ tires screech ] [ thunder claps ]" "Guys." "Priests." "Guys!" "Yaah!" "Have no fear, sir." "Who are you guys?" "We are team 4." "[ indistinct voices whispering ] [ thunder crashes ] [ growling demonically ]" "[ demonically ] Why?" "Why did you let them impale me With that umbrella?" "Do no listen to him!" "He is the father of lies!" "Aah!" "You guys got this?" "Everybody cool?" "La-la-la-la-la-la-la!" "[ both speaking latin ] [ normal voice ] Oh, god!" "Here they come!" "Oh, shit!" "Baby, help me!" "The babies are coming!" "Please help!" "Breathe, vanessa!" "Breathe!" "It hurts so bad!" "Remember what they taught us in -- [ demonically ] Shut up!" "I can see it!" "Oh, my god!" "[ normal voice ] Oh, my god!" "Push!" "Aaaaaah!" "[ baby crying ]" "Ohhhhh, my god!" "Oh, my god!" "What is it?" "It's a boy." "It's a perfect baby boy." "Congratulations." "It's a boy." "It's a miracle, you know?" "You ever seen a home birth before?" "They're the best." "Yeah, i b-- pbht." "Honey!" "Honey!" "Okay, just one more to go!" "Something's wrong, you guys!" "Something's wrong!" "Whew!" "Whew!" "It hurts so bad!" "This one " "Something's wrong!" "It's a " "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "[ barking demonically ]" "It's biting me!" "Aaaaah!" "[ growls demonically ]" "Focus!" "Focus!" "All right." "Here it comes!" "Okay!" "Push!" "Something's wrong!" "Push!" "Aaaaah!" "[ howling demonically ] [ all screaming ]" "Whoa!" "Yeah!" "Aaaah!" "Holy fucking shit!" "Oh, fuck!" "[ snarling ]" "Aaaaaah!" "[ chomps ] [ screaming ] [ all screaming ]" "Get it off, jack!" "[ growling ] [ screaming ] [ grunting ] [ cries ] [ panting ]" "You must kill it, jack!" "You must!" "It's my son!" "It is not your son!" "It wants to rise and rule the World for 1,000 years!" "All: jack!" "[ screaming ]" "Aaaah!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Whoa!" "Oh, shit!" "[ scampering ] [ door closes ] [ scampering ]" "[ scampering ] [ snarling ]" "[ all screaming ]" "[ screaming stops ] [ thunder crashes ]" "Hey, guys." "All: shh!" "All right, y'all." "I'm going in." "Hello, devil baby." "Ain't nobody Out here trying to hurt you." "Everything's gonna be okay, Little devil baby." "Aaaaaaah!" "[ shrieks ] Fuck!" "I stubbed my goddamn toe!" "Oh!" "That smarts!" "I did the same thing in there yesterday." "Hey, everybody." "What?" "I'm coming out with the baby." "Okay, here we go." "[ chuckling ] Okay." "It gon' be all right." "♪ hush, little devil baby, Don't say a word ♪" "♪ papa's gonna -- [ hisses ]" "Aah!" "[ all screaming ]" "Ohhh, fuck this!" "[ screaming continues ]" "Whew-hoo-hoo!" "Whoa!" "Aaah!" "Gaah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "You guys, be careful!" "Oh!" "Oh, sorry." "[ screaming continues ]" "[ gurgling ] Oh!" "Aah!" "I got a shot!" "I got a shot!" "No, you'll shoot one of us!" "He's a great shot!" "I trust him!" "Take it!" "Be careful!" "Being careful don't kill Devil babies." "[ shrieks ] No!" "Shit!" "[ scampering ]" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Please!" "Stop!" "Aah!" "Honey!" "You...are...not...my...baby!" "That's the spirit, vanessa!" "Punch this devil baby!" "Punch him back to hell!" "I hate you!" "You're not my baby!" "[ crying ]" "Do not listen to his Crocodile tears." "Mama." "You want mommy to hold you?" "Come here." "He's okay, you guys." "It's okay." "He's -- [ choking ]" "Gah!" "No!" "Oh, no!" "Vanessa!" "Let go of my sister!" "Aah!" "Don't kill my baby." "Kill it!" "Let's drown it!" "Do you have a wood chipper?" "!" "Not to tell y'all how to Parent or anything, but should" "We let your good baby watch all Of us murdering the devil baby?" "It might have a lasting Impression psychologically." "Right, right, right, right, right." "Yeah, good point." "Get the baby out of here." "Go, go, go!" "Marjorie." "What?" "I have to tell -- i ain't Known you that long, but i'm 100% in love with you, girl, and i want To spend the rest of my life with you." "Me too!" "Oh!" "So do me a favor, and stay alive." "I will." "The spirit gods will protect me!" "[ growls softly ]" "Aah!" "Oh, shit!" "Aaaaaaaaaaah!" "Marjorie!" "No!" "[ thud ] Oh!" "Oh!" "[ scampering ]" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "What can i do?" "Use the jesus knife!" "Kill that motherfucker!" "Devil child, i send you back to the Depths of hell, from whence you came!" "Aah!" "Fuck me!" "Aah-ha!" "Fuck!" "Let me hold him down!" "Aaah!" "[ shouting in italian ]" "Aah!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "[ choking ]" "Ugh!" "[ screaming ]" "Aah!" "Ohhh, no!" "My friend!" "Oh!" "Oh, no!" "Aah!" "Oh!" "My friend!" "I'm not going to make it." "Do it, my friend." "[ sobbing ] [ choking ] [ gunshot ]" "I meant..." "Not going to make it, so call an Ambulance, p-please." "[ speaking italian ]" "Why you do the pause right in The middle of the first part of The important part?" "!" "[ snarling ]" "No..." "Devil..." "Babies..." "In..." "My..." "Parish!" "No...devil...baby -- [ gunshot ] [ screams ] [ snarling ]" "Oh, god!" "[ growling ]" "I have an idea!" "What?" "Catch!" "What?" "!" "No!" "Jack!" "Where are you going?" "!" "You must fight!" "You are the only one that can stop it!" "Oh!" "Get off my wife, you asshole." "Now!" "[ roaring ]" "[ groaning ]" "[ sighs ] [ spits ] [ panting ]" "[ thunder rumbles ] [ sighs ] [ birds chirping ]" "Thank you, f'resnel." "My pleasure." "[ sighs ]" "Thank you, father." "Just doing our job." "But the " "The other priest..." "We're -- we're so sorry." "He's okay." "He always know one day the lord Would call his name." "But he was your friend, and I'm really sorry." "Huge bummer." "Knowing him, he would rather Die this way, fighting the" "Devil, than on a golf course or Something, you know?" "Now, that's the spirit." "Yeah." "I like that." "[ bicycle bell rings ]" "Wow!" "[ cackling ]" "Look who found a bike!" "All right, mrs." "Nussbaum!" "That's terrific." "Just terrific." "Wow!" "What a crazy week, huh?" "[ chuckles ]" "Oh, yeah." "I was possessed by the devil!" "I know!" "You were such a bitch!" "Always freak you out a little Bit, you know?" "I can't believe it started With white people moving into The neighborhood." "I mean, it started there." "That's crazy enough." "I didn't think it was gonna get -- Only up from there." "We were already at a 7." "[ chuckles ]" "You know what i mean?" "That's crazy." "[ laughter ]" "I love the way black people speak." "Yeah." "So, i guess everything's Wrapped up, huh?" "Look like it all kinda sewn Up like a little present." "Oh, no." "Not really." "What about that dirty magazine with Your picture in it from the '70s?" "Oh, hell yeah." "What's going on with all that?" "Honey..." "My mother did porno in the '70s." "I told you that." "I knew that." "Just for a year and a half." "She paid her way through college." "[ dog barking ]" "Oh!" "Look at this guy!" "Look at this!" "Look at this little guy." "Hell no!" "I thought you were a phantom." "I thought so, too!" "I can't -- that's just a big dog That just want a whole lot of love." "That's what that is." "That dog's licking your sister's blood." "Oh-ho-ho!" "That's creepy." "Oh, no, no, that's a bad " "That's not a good -- no, no, no." "Get out of here." "Bye-bye." "Hey, baby." "So..." "What?" "What do we do now?" "Now we go on about that crazy Little thing called livin'." "Let's not waste another moment." "Not another moment wasted." "There we go." "Let's not another moment." "Our lives begin today." "Father." "Si." "What's your name?" "Sebastian." "Then that's what we'll call our son." "Oh, my goodness." "Sebastian." "[ sighs ]" "That is really lovely." "That's so sweet." "Sebastian f'resnel." "Watson." "It's beautiful." "We wouldn't have this baby if It weren't for both of you." "No, that's true." "That part's true." "We'll put "sebastian f'resnel" At the top of our list because We've got a long one." "No, baby." "There's no other list." "That's it!" "Well, there is a list." "We've got a book that we've " "We've..." "It's okay." "[ voice breaking ] it's just That it's the nicest thing..." "That any white person..." "Has ever done for me." "'Cause walkin' the streets, Sometimes, you don't even get As much as a "hello."" "F'resnel..." "And y'all just -- ...hello." "Jack, look me in the eye." "Cool." "Well, you're welcome." "Uh...we'll talk about it." "Oh, god." "That is really something else." "Remember, at times like these, you Should see the glass as half full." "You have this beautiful baby." "Mm-hmm." "Do not think about the little Baby who you kill upstairs." "If you excuse me, i got to go Bury my friend, huh?" "And then i got to go return the rental car." "Oh, yeah." "Don't be late doing that, now." "Good luck." "Peace be with you." "Thank you, father." "Hey." "[ chuckles ]" "It's a brand-new day." "The sun is shining in new orleans." "[ chuckles ]" "And everything is just looking On up from here!" "I got to tell you, man -- for a Minute there, i didn't think i" "Was gonna make it through all That devilishness." "[ chuckles ]" "Whoa!" "Well, looky here!" "[ laughs ]" "Dog puup!" "That dog puup!" "Dog puup." "[ laughs ]" "Hot damn!" "Are you kiddin' me?" "!" "I mean, i almost stepped in it." "Must be my lucky day." "Whaaah!" "[ tires screech ]" "Both: fuck!" "Oh, go-- oh!" "Did i just hit your friend?" "[ choir singing in latin ]" "[ "when the saints go marching in" plays ] [ dramatic music plays ]"