"There was this Robert Frost poem I had to learn in college, something about two roads and..." "I forget." "Okay, bad analogy." "Anyway, there was a moment when Zaboo's face was like this and I totally froze because I knew that what happened next could quite possibly be a horrible, horrible mistake." "Like in those choose-your-own-adventure books." "I always picked the ending where I died or got somebody killed." "It was just, like, so stressful." "This was exactly like that, except lips were involved." "I need to look up that poem." "Zero latency..." "VORK:" "Tink wins the orb." "Uh..." "Kids, let's go play in the nursery." "Mommy needs a moment." "What's wrong, Clara?" "Are you in labor again?" "Ugh, block'd!" "I've got perpetual Smurf balls down here!" "I didn't get to bid!" "Vork the dork gave the orb to Stinkyballa!" "Ooh, meowz time." "I awarded the orb to the highest bidder within the time limit, per Guild Rule #24, Paragraph 3, Section A." "Yeah, for once Vork's anal-retentive bullshit is worth something." "Why, thank you, Tink." "Oops." "I just dropped 8 Gigs of RAM down my pants." "Zaboo, it's not gonna work." "Come on!" "I mean, you're breaking my health meter over here!" "What?" "!" "I need to be buffed, okay?" "I need buffs!" "Buff me." "Right." "Okay." "Let me try to explain this to you in a way that you might understand." "In life, you are a starting character." "You are alone for the first time in your life, and you're, like, living off me!" "It is..." "It's not sexy!" "If we were to be together, as unlikely as that ever, ever would be, you would have to do some major leveling, okay?" "A lot." "You think I'm a star..." "I'm a starting character?" "I can't believe you didn't wait for me to get back online!" "I was pinned down!" "First, I had husband aggro, and then I had baby DPS!" "Procedures were followed." "The Guild has no further comment." "Relax, it's just loot." "Wait, forget I said that." "It's loot!" "Here, let me link it, just in case you forgot the stats." "Ouch." "And I thought Clara was the frost mage." "No." "I didn't get to bid!" "That's so unfair!" "Clara, the orb is bound to Tink's character now." "Vork couldn't give it to you even if he wanted to." "You're right." "You know, I don't know why I got so worked up." "It's fine, Vork." "Someone will die for this." "Codex..." "Oh, my God." "Your quest is accepted." "I'm leaving to go power-level myself and earn your love." "Wait." "You're leaving?" "Really?" "Don't get me wrong... you still get me as hard as an old-school joystick, but you're right." "You need to be at the end of a long quest chain, not some quick turn-in." "So, good-bye, my love." "I will return." "Wait, wait!" "Not that I'm stopping you, it's just..." "where are you going exactly?" "I Googled a homeless shelter near Echo Park." " They have dial up." " A homeless shelter?" "Dial up?" "You can't do that!" "Well, what am I supposed to do, okay?" "I found out my mom cancelled my credit cards when I was trying to buy you some lingerie online." "Granny Panty'd." "Everyone, tell Zaboo not to go live on the streets like a hobo!" "I have to set forth and blossom into my manhood so I can get some!" "I can't be bothered by Guild drama right now." "I need to earn 5,000 gold by 5:00 p.m. GMT!" "Dude, that's a lot of dough." "Am I blackmailing you and forgot about it?" "I'm freelancing to provide game-gold for a fellow in Beijing." "I didn't realize it would be so hard to balance it with my own game obligations." "I'm way behind!" "You're gold farming for a Chinese dude?" "Is it opposite day?" "I need the mad money in case we go to that extortion hut, Cheesybeards!" "Besides, the exchange rate is very favorable right now." "Hey, Zaboo has tons of gold." "That's all he does besides obsess over me." "It's true." "I'm a machine for both those things." "And you need a mentor with a penis." "Damn it!" "I think my ketchup keg has expired!" "Hey, Vork?" "Problem solved." "You need a roommate!"