"Happy last day before winter break, Greendale!" "Time to visit our loved ones." "Some of you will travel as far as three miles!" "Don't forget to visit our winter wonderland in the quad where we're giving away catalogues of next semester's classes." "What's that sound?" "Is that the tippy-tapping of secular boots on the roof?" "It must be yet another sign that it is the season, because rumor has it that non-denominational Mr. Winter is on his way to the student lounge!" "I'm so sick of the Dean jamming his PC-ness down my throat." "Pierce, I'd like to commend you for letting that one go." ""PC-ness"." "Now I get it." "It sounds like "penis"." "I just got it too." "It's still Christmas to all of us, and I made you all a little gift, because you're like my new family." ""WWBJD"?" "If this stands for "What Would Billy Joel Do"," "I'll tell you right now..." "He'd write another crappy song." "Yeah, in your face, Billy Joel." ""What Would Baby Jesus Do?"" "It's to remind us that the real meaning of this season is Christmas." "Thank you." "I'm gonna put that in the pocket closest to my heart." "No, it's a bracelet." "You put 'em on." "Everybody put 'em on." "You took all the winter-doodles." "What are you, a douche bag?" "There's a lot of other cookies left." "There's macadamia nut cookies there." "I have a tree-nut allergy." "Stay away from Christmas-tree-shaped cookies." "That did not make allergic sense." "You an idiot?" "We get it." "You and the A-Team are awesome." " Now beat it." " Look at that." "Pretty boy standing up for bird face over here." "Give me a winter-doodle." "If you're trying to be menacing, don't call the cookie by its name." "You're funny." "You're a funny man." "Wanna hear something funny?" "Knock, knock." "My fist up your balls!" "Who's there?" "Merry happy!" "This ain't over." "There won't always be a Dean around." "All right?" "Still waiting on those cookies." "Jeff protected my honor." "Like my bodyguard," "I was the kid from Meatballs, Jeff the guy from Full Metal Jacket, and the moustache guy was the brother on Entourage." " Thanks for dumbing that down for us." " You got it." "So what's the deal?" "Leave your stones in your other suit?" " Why didn't you rap him in the face?" " For the same reason that I floss, have a bed frame, keep my guitar in its case..." "I'm over 23." "I'm proud of you for handling it peacefully, like a certain little birthday boy." "Real men turn the other cheek." " Let's see 'em." " Nonsense." "Men were wired to fight each other so women could choose the right mate." "The real reason men fight is to release their pent-up gayness." "He wasn't gay." "He had a moustache." "You know what I have?" "Finals." "Are we cramming for Spanish or not?" "I need a 65, or I'm gonna flunk the class." "Why didn't you do extra-credit tasks if you knew that you were... failing?" "Doing more than the minimum work is my definition of..." " failing." " Quick question..." "You all coming to my Christmas party right after the final, or are you stopping home to change into your Christmas outfits?" "I could wear one of my Hanukah sweaters." "I didn't know you weren't Christian." "One might even say I'm Jewish." "That's good for you." "That's wonderful." " I respect all religions of the world." " I'm Muslim." " Jehovah's witness." " Atheist." " The lord is testing me." " It is a subject that breeds conflicts." "Can we please do..." " What religion are you?" " I'm agnostic." "Agnostic..." "Lazy man's atheist." "I'm born-again." "We had a re-birthing ritual in my friend's hot tub." "I'm now a level-five laser lotus in my Buddhist community." "That does not sound like Buddhism." "Are you sure you're not in a cult?" "Just by asking me that question, you've put me back down to a level four." "You now owe me 2,000 energon cubes." "Do you know how foolish you sound right now?" "What else do you believe in, blood transfusions?" "Jehovah's witnesses are a type of christian, right?" "But we don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas." "And we can't drink." " But it helps." " So you're like a muslim." "Don't we have a diverse little family." "I say we open up this party to all faiths." "I brought my star of Bethlehem, which led the wise men to the savior of all mankind." "And you guys can bring a little trinket or doodad from your philosophies." "Sounds good?" "As an agnostic, I'm gonna bring my winning smile." "So boring." "Done." ""True or falso or none of the above"?" "That doesn't make any sense." "Look at that." " Forehead's taking a test." " Get going, Chuck Norris." " Did you just shoo me?" " Why don't you just kiss him already?" "Dude, I will shoo your nose down your throat!" "Can you do something about this?" "I'll allow it." "Qué pasa here, huh?" "It's usted, dude." "Even I know that." "You picked the wrong day to correct my Spanish, no sleeves." " It's on!" " He's my bodyguard." " Wanna dance?" " Maybe to some show tunes?" "I wanna beat the crap out of you." "I'm gonna enjoy it." "You're like this school." "Obnoxious, cramping my style." "You smell like french-fry oil." "I don't get it!" "3:00!" "Bike rack!" "But not the one by the parking lot!" "The one by the trash cans where they building the wheelchair ramp!" "Best exam ever." "So help me if that jerk-weed made me fail." "Well, I aced it, amigo." "That means "cousin. "" "What's my role in the fight?" "Is there a key moment where I finally stand up for myself?" " Maybe you should just hang back." " I will." "In his face!" "Whatever you do, don't tell Shirley about the fight." "She'll start in with all her mother-y, guilt-inducing powers." "You know what I mean?" "I'm wearing this Jesus bracelet 'cause it gets me chicks." "I know guys like this Mike." "Used to be a nerd." "Now, a meathead." "Dangerous combo." "Tyson, Lou Ferrigno, Rosie O'Donnell." "You're a pretty big dude." "Probably got some moves." "I got some..." " theories." " Never fought?" "Technically, no." "I'm too charming and likable." "Call me a name." "I can't." "Are you telling me you never been punched in the face?" "This is the moneymaker." "First time I got punched in the face, I was like, "Oh, no!"" "But then I was like, "This is a story."" "A good one." "Every man should be punched in the face." "It's a rite of passage." "In my day, Friday night was smoke a doobie, feel up a gal, and then get your teeth knocked out by a Republican." "The plan here isn't for me to get hit." "It's for me to hit him." "It's settled." "We have to teach Jeffrey how to fight." "I know a few moves." "I assume you're handy with a switchblade." "Abed, you get back to the family tent, try to find a chicken for Jeff to chase." "I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I think I got this." "Look who it is." "We got forehead, old head, dumb head, and..." "The other head." "See you at 3:00, forehead." "A snowman!" "See this, funny guy?" " Classic Rosie." " Fight lessons in a half an hour?" "Good plan." "Is this your Hanukkah holder?" "It's pretty." "We'll just..." "Let's just put it..." "There we go." "That's nice." "I can't believe I never knew you were a Jew." "I'd say the whole word next time." "So do you think everyone will start arriving soon?" "After Jeff's fight." "After what?" "Jeff wants to fight that bully." "On Christmas?" "Will you excuse me for a moment?" "And can you finish the manger scene?" "We know you were one of us." "'Sup?" "'Sup?" " 'Sup!" " No, it's a question." "Not a real question, a rhetorical one." "You have the answer." "He does not." "Then you give him the Forest Whitaker eye." "That's pretty good." "Hold that stare." "There you go." "Hold it." "Then you look straight through his eyes and deep into his soul." "And then you move to Vermont." "I am sick and tired of you saying that fighting is gay!" "She got a point." "In boxing, you fight for the purse and the belt." " I've gotta write a paper about that." " I've seen enough." "Let's see what we're working with." "Go ahead, throw a few at the old paws." "What are you, a north Korean seamstress?" " Not if that's bad." " Get mad!" "Come on!" "If it helps, think of me as somebody who annoys you." "That's it!" "That's... that's good." "Britta, put your blouse back on." "this is not a game." "You gotta be ready for anything." "Dude, that is not cool!" "Black girl thinks it is." " What you doing?" " Why does she have to be black?" "What is going on?" "We're trying to get jeff ready for the fiiiii... iiight." " I couldn't think of another word." " Idiot." "He meant we were figh... ting." "It is hard to think of another word." "There's no other way to me to take this than as a giant middle finger to this day." " December 10th?" " It's our Christmas, and I'm having a party." "Due to my divorce and my relatives picking sides, this will be the only Christmas party I throw this year." "Will you be there, or will I have another family letting me down?" "I told him not to fight." "He wouldn't listen." "I don't know what that is." "I have two boys." "And when we have a serious discussion, I find that a... brownie helps them to relax." "Why do you hate me and Jesus?" "I think my brownie's working." "Please don't do something so ugly on a day so important to me." "Again, it's december 10th." "You think religion is stupid?" "No, to me, religion is like Paul Rudd." "I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone." "But I would also never stand in line for it." "And look, Shirley, the die has been cast with this crazy bully guy." "He picked on Abed, and he corrected my Spanish." "So you go to your party, and I'll see you soon." "I forbid you from fighting." "You don't get to." "You're not my mom." "You're right." "But if you show up for the fight, don't show up for my party." " Come on, Shirley, don't be mad." " I'm not mad." "I'm disappointed." "That's "mom" for mad." "Hash browns and applesauce..." "that's nice." "what is that interesting smell?" "It's a traditional muslim dish." "It looks delicious." "I'm guessing as a woman I won't be allowed to eat that." "That's too bad." "Look, Britta brought what she believes in... nothing." "Where should I put my buddha incense holder?" "I'm pretty sure that's a bong." "Where's Jeff?" "I guess he made his choice." " I want to go to Jeff's fight." " As I told Jeff, no one that goes to the fight can come to my party." "He's dead to me." "And if any of you leave, you'll be dead to me too." "Let's sing." "Jesus is a friend of mine" "Everybody!" "Come on, everybody." "You don't know it?" "You're banning Jeff from the party?" "That doesn't seem very christian." "Well, that's an interesting point of view coming from an atheist." "I did my best to create a special christmas for my one intact family, and... this is the thanks I get." "Shirley, you are a guilt machine." "And Annie knows a thing or two about guilt." "Am I right, jew?" "Say the whole word!" "Jewie?" "You would never catch a jehovah's witness saying "jewie. "" "Tell it to the birthday cake you never got." "There's an old buddhist saying in my vision group." "You're not a buddhist." "You're in a cult." " Suck it, Nietzsche!" " Guys, everyone's faith is weird." "Let's just not talk about it." "Are we really gonna let religion divide us like this?" "I think there's one thing we can all agree on." "I get 72 virgins in heaven." "That we would all like to have Jeff at this party." "He can't come." "Listen." "I get that this is your first christmas since your husband left you, and I don't know, maybe that's why you're being so stubborn, because you're trying so hard to re-create something that you're afraid that you've lost forever." "If you really want us to be your second family, then you've gotta start treating us like one," "Even if that means supporting us when we do things that you don't agree with." "You can start by rooting for Jeff while he rolls around on the ground groping another man." "That's what I'll do." "The cranberry sauce has real cranberries." "If this dude doesn't show up, we're definitely going to Applebee's." "'Cause I'm getting into a fight no matter what today, dude." "Look who showed." "Check him out." "What's up, dude?" "No backup today?" "Looks like grandpa couldn't show up to get their teeth knocked out." "Can I ask you a question?" "Are you perpetually on your way to the gym?" "Dude, my life is a gym!" " Well, 'sup?" " 'Sup, man?" "What is that?" "All right, just one sec." "These are very expensive." "All right..." "Dude, you wear a bracelet?" " Your name's Mike, right?" " So?" "I'm not gonna fight you." "I've a friend that believes this is the time where you put aside differences, and make peace." "Me..." "I don't believe in any of that, but I do believe in friendship." "And as much as I hate you and the cast of breakin'," "I have to ask myself, what would Shirley do?" " What would Shirley do?" " I think..." "That she would..." "shake your hand and wish you a merry Christmas." "Kick his ass!" "Cavalry's here." "Shirts off!" " Come on, I'm being punked, right?" " Kick off." "Come here." " Please, it's Christmas." " It's December 10th!" "Not the moneymaker." "You're welcome!" "That was nice." "Thank you." "I get it, yes." "It is I, senor chang." "Shakira, hold this." "I have finished grading everyone's finals, and... all of you... are moving on." "Except... for Jeff." "Turns out you..." "Pause for dramatic effect... will be seeing me next semester." "In spanish 102!" "Because he passed, you know." "And I'm the only spanish teacher." "I meant about Jeff passing." "You being our spanish teacher..." "Man, Mike got you good." "Actually, that was my present to Jeff." "I don't care." "I got a mountain to shred." "Jeffrey, you're a man now." "How's it feel?" "I got hit in the face four times before you punched me." "Some people don't know how to say thanks." "Pierce, thank you." "And thanks to all of you... for showing up," "and having my back when we fought those fly dancers." "Merry..." ""holiday"." "Actually, I was gonna say merry semester, and... happy new one." "Oh, Christmas troy, Oh, Christmas troy," "The candles shine so brightly." "Much pleasure thou canst give me." "Why do you do stuff like this?" "'Cause it's fun." "The sight of thee at Christmastide," "Spreads hope and gladness far and wide," "Oh, Christmas troy, Oh, Christmas troy," "Thou tree most fair and lovely." "Don't move." "This nose smells like a special drink."