"You gonna light this candle?" "Don't you think lighting a candle is kind of cliche?" "What do you mean?" "Everyone does that in movies." ""Concentrate on the candle." "Concentrate on the flame."" "It's works." "Really?" "Have a candle." "I feel it's getting warmer." "Is this my imagination?" "No, honey." "It's not... it's not lit." "I can't see anything." "I'll help you." "I'll talk you through it, OK?" " OK." " So here's the match..." " Oh, OK." "And the matchbox comes with a striker on the side." "It... it's scary." "Yeah." "You just do this like that and light on fire... and harder." "I'm afraid of it." "Why are you afraid of it?" "Because I'm afraid of fire." "Now hold on to the candle with the other hand, almost there, and you'll see when it lights." "Up a little bit higher." "Now just keep it right there." "Keep your... keep your match right there." "It'll light that on fire." "It's getting shorter and shorter." "Yeah." "Good." "Good." "See?" "When can I blow it out?" "Want to blow it out now?" "Daria, on computer:" "I can't believe you're trying to bribe me with singles." "Sweetie, it's not a bribe." "It's a deal." "Honestly..." "Oh, my God, did I really just say that?" "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "I have the cutest, little pores, don't I?" "You really do." "I wish I had pores like yours, Daria." "Michelle, voice-over:" "It's..." "it's a freaking genius show." "It's a show about outcasts that tells you it's OK to be an outcast." "♪ Make lots of noise ♪" "♪ Kiss lots of boys ♪" "♪ Or kiss lots of girls if that's something you're into ♪" "♪ When the... ♪" "Michelle, voice-over:" "I've always felt like I was not normal, like I did not fit in." "First of all, I am legally blind." "I cannot see your face from this distance at all unless I'm literally almost nose to nose with you." "I forget that the camera's over here, not up there." "Ha ha!" "Oh, crap." "Michelle, voice-over:" "I have something called" "Asperger syndrome, otherwise known as high-functioning autism." "It's that I get very obsessed with things in my head, and, um, like, it takes over my brain, basically." "I'm a little surprised, Daria." "That makes two of us." "I didn't figure you to believe in all that mumbo-gumbo." "Gee..." "I hope this won't lower your opinion of me." "Ha ha ha!" "♪ La la la la la... ♪" "Michelle, voice-over:" "Basically, my childhood, it was mostly things that were..." "quote, unquote... "normal"" "for little girls to like, but I liked them in the extreme." "Hello, Mumsy." "Hey, honey." "Um, smells like sandwiches." "Yeah." "It's roast beef and salami..." "Ooh, yummy." "And... yes, and tomatoes." "Michelle, voice-over:" "Nowadays, I feel like I need to have some tangible success in my life." "What about, uh, banana peppers?" "Top shelf on the right." "Oh." "Michelle, voice-over:" "When I get up in the morning, pour myself a cup of coffee and think," ""OK." "I'm going to work," and when I come home in a evening, feel like I've... you know, I've had a..." "you know, a long, fulfilling day and I'm earning my money, that... that feeling that all kids want, which is to be an adult." "Woman, voice-over:" "Michelle was a very good baby." "She didn't cry a lot." "She did a lot of looking around, and we didn't... we didn't know until she was 3 months old that she even had a vision problem." "Michelle, voice-over:" "When I was in kindergarten, my parents said, "If the kids laugh at you, just ignore them,"" "and I was thinking, "Why would they laugh at me?"" "Pick up the pace." "Well, this is an exciting day." "Huh huh!" "What are you gonna do today?" "I don't know, but I'm a little nervous." "You are?" "Yeah." "How are the first day of school?" "Going back is a little nervous, isn't it?" "Yeah... especially in fifth grade because fifth grade... ♪ Pump up... ♪" "♪ Pump up the volume, pump up volume ♪" "♪ Pump up the volume, dance, dance, dance ♪" "Ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "Michelle, voice-over:" "I was never popular in public school." "The kids'd literally be like, "Ew, there's Michelle." "We're gonna catch her disease," and then just, like, run away." "That was probably the worst, um, because I couldn't see the faces people made, but I could hear the words, and that... that hurt the most." "I wasn't angry at them." "I didn't want to go punch them, but it felt like emptiness." "Woman, on computer:" "Hey, guys, it's Nik here, and, as requested, I'll be doing..." "Michelle, voice-over:" "When I'm on the computer," "I can see things, for the most part, the way the sighted world see things, and people talk to me online, a lot of times, they don't even know that I'm blind, and so I feel like it..." "it equalizes me, but then when I leave the house and... and go out into the world, it's not like that." "Hey, Mom, do you know what happened to my backpack?" "No." "Ohh..." "Ohh... uh..." "Ohh!" "Uh, can't find it, like, at all." "Wonderful." "I didn't..." "haven't gone anywhere." "I didn't left..." "left the house." "No." "I don't see it anywhere." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I know." "Ohh..." "You didn't go..." "No." "I didn't go anywhere for, like, a week." "I don't know what to do." "It isn't anywhere." "It's just nowhere." "Ohh..." "This is my life." "Oh, why are you guys still filming me?" "I mean, there are less than 4 things" "I could think of that could've happened." "And so what?" "There it is." "Oh, my God." "I found it, and I'm so sorry that I freaked out at you guys." "Michelle, voice-over:" "I want to see all aspects of life." "Just because I'm legally blind doesn't mean I have to miss out on what the world has to offer." "This is Picture Day Abbey Bominable." "Abbey Bominable is the daughter of the Yeti, and she's, like, my favorite character because she's really blunt, plus she has a cool accent, so 7, 6, and 4, then 4, then two." "Michelle, voice-over:" "I want to experience, you know, like, working and... and romance and partying and all that stuff, going to bars, going to museums." "20, 21, 22, 23..." "23 dolls." "Yay." "I'm in doll heaven." "Michelle, voice-over:" "I'm ready for the uncensored world... you know what I mean?" "Even the good, bad, and the ugly... so I went and got a job, uh, working for this woman and a, um... a post office, and every Wednesday and Friday, I would come in" "and wash my hands and say, "What do you want me to do?"" "and I would do it." "I would do it to the best of my abilities, and sometimes I would get a little nervous and a little bit, "Oh, I feel like I'm not doing this right."" "I did all these little things, apparently." "Like, I made excuses when they said I did something wrong." "I freaked out." "I went into another room and cried, and then I got fired from it." "That's basically my first job experience." "The really pathetic thing is that it wasn't even a real job." "It was training." "I got fired during training." "Like, uh..." "Julie, voice-over:" "The thought that Michelle had was," ""If I can get fired from that, where do I go from here?" "What do I do now?"" "♪ Like when you wake up behind the bar ♪" "♪ Trying to remember where you are ♪" "Julie, voice-over:" "She certainly does feel that the struggles and losses in her life have, um, helped define her." "Each and every one of you has the talent and the ability to create your own life." "Know yourself and know all the challenges you face and don't put yourself on the sidelines." "Not everybody's gonna understand you or see you as capable, or, in some cases, they may even pity you, God forbid, but you can't let that stop you from being the most important person in your own world." "You know, all people are great in their dreams." "The point that I want for you guys is to be important in your own life, not just in your dreams, but in your real life, you know, that it is, in fact, up to you." "Perfect diploma to Michelle Anne Smith." "Michelle, voice-over:" "I'm gonna miss this place, but in some ways I feel like I've almost outgrown it." "I want to leave, and I want to take on the world." "The world will be my burrito." "Hi, Fran." "Hi, Maxwell." "Michelle, voice-over:" "I would wake up, go on the computer, take my meds, have some coffee, go on the computer, take a shower, go on the computer," "but I've probably spent an entire year in my room... and... and now I'm..." "I'm sort of feeling like I'm ready to step out again into the world and... and be social." "♪ I am not alone ♪" "♪ I am not alone ♪" "♪ I am not alone ♪" "♪ I am ♪" "Thank you so much." "That was fun." "Julie, voice-over:" "It's been really hard for Michelle to find a job that she's able to do." "They're just not out there here in Bangor, and I don't think there's gonna be a lot of employers that are going to give her the chance because she's going to need a lot of assistance" "and a lot of time." "I don't know if, you know, someone has the patience for that or if she has the patience in herself for that." "♪ I'm cold, and I am shamed ♪" "♪ Lying naked on the floor ♪" "♪ Illusion never changed ♪" "♪ Into something real ♪" "♪ I'm wide awake, and I can see the perfect sky is torn ♪" "And don't forget to wish Michelle a happy birthday, 2-1 birthday right here." "How'd I do?" "Whoo!" "You rocked it." "Yours is the birthday, honey?" "Happy birthday." "You can sing so beautiful." "Thank you." "Aw, I'm gonna cry." "You can." "I, um..." "I actually..." "You sing better than me." "I..." "I can't..." "I can't see the screen." "I'm legally blind, so any more... any song that I know I have to memorize all the words to, so, uh..." "I know that, honey." "You're amazing." "Aw, thank you so much." "Keep it up." "You do a great job." "I found out about an opportunity that I think would be really amazing for you." "The guy that created the "Rugrats"... do you know that cartoon?" "I very well know it." "Um, he would really love to have you be an intern there in Los Angeles either this summer or this fall if you would be interested." "I'm shaking." "I'm gonna sit down." "I..." "I... uh, are you sure I'm not dreaming?" "What would he want me to do as, like, an intern?" "Does... he knows I'm blind, right?" "Like..." "He knows you're blind." "OK." "Maybe you would get to voice characters." "Oh, my God, do you know how much I want to be a voice actor since I was, like, a little, little kid?" "Oh, my goodness." "Ha ha ha!" "I don't really have the money to really be..." "I..." "I live on SSI right now, so..." "We want to work with you to figure it out." "And I'd... yes." "What?" "Seriously." "Ha ha ha!" "Ha ha!" "No." "I'm not even..." "No." "Your..." "your mom... your mom doesn't want to lose you." "Wow." "Ha ha!" "Yeah." "Honey, that's awesome." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Crazy." "I know." "Yeah." "It's crazy talk." "Yeah." "I know." "That's awesome, honey." "Are you really considering it?" "Yeah." "All right." "Yeah." "I really am." "It's, like, my..." "my big break." "He wants me to come to L.A." "and live in L.A. and be a voice actor, be his intern and do voice acting." "Oh, wow." "That's really big." "Yes." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I'm gonna move to L.A. sometime in January." "Well, uh, congratulations." "Thank you." "Maybe I might even do, like, some singing and stuff." "I might even do some, like, screen acting." "I really don't..." "I really don't know." "Think you'll just stay out there?" "You think you'll come back home and visit?" "I don't know." "I'm..." "I'm probably gonna come back home and visit, definitely, but..." "So if we want to see you, we're gonna have to come see you?" "Uh, yeah." "Come visit me." "Heh." "That's big news." "Mm-hmm." "In some ways, it's a little bit scary." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "I'll be stressing about things." ""Oh, my gosh, she's gonna forget to do this,"" "or, "She's... you know, she's gonna"" ""be listening to her headphones or something on the bus and miss her bus stop," or, you know, stuff like that." "Migliozzi, voice-over:" "It sounds kind of crazy." "Uh, the woman from the Communications Department is going on her own time." "This isn't a Perkins-sponsored event." "The cold reality of it is, there's just a lot of pieces that have to be put in place..." "the transportation, where are you gonna get the food, do you know anybody to live with, uh, if something goes wrong, where the support's gonna be." "You know, I don't want her to be crushed, and we don't want it to fall apart." "I don't want that for Michelle..." "Hopefully, I won't get fired from this one." "Well, you'll always be awesome to us." "Yep." "Migliozzi, voice-over: but I also always tell my students, the future is theirs, and this is what she wants to do." "It just seems like there's just not enough in place here to make me say that, you know, I can give my blessing to what's going on." "Julie, voice-over:" "Emotionally, I think it would be a huge setback for her if it didn't work out, and it would take her a while to get back on track... you know?" "Well, guess who's coming to dinner." "Hello." "Hey, how are you?" "I'm doing well." "Well, good." "I love the new glasses." "Thank you." "Come on in." "Ah, this place smells like nostalgia." "Julie, voice-over:" "Lori Spencer was Michelle's" "Division of the Blind teacher." "I'm very appreciative of what, you know, Lori did for Michelle, but she kind of had low expectations of Michelle." "I came here because I want to, uh, for lack of a better word, um, confront you on some things, but I want you to know that you were... you were a great teacher to me" "in a lot of ways." "You taught me, and..." "and I..." "I think that now" "I can sort of, uh, talk to you." "OK." "Um, I think a lot of people who work with people with disabilities don't really... they tend to think that our pers... certain... certain personality quirks that aren't considered "normal" are just a side effect" "of our disability that needs to be changed and fixed, and our individuality is not considered as important as someone without a disability because a lot of it is considered, like, a side effect of our disability." ""Oh, she doesn't know that it's weird to like to collect dolls when she's 21"... which I do, like, collect dolls... and it's like, no, I know that people" "are gonna think it's weird, but it's who I am, and I feel like other people's ignorance should not be my burden to bear." "I should be able to be myself." "I'm not hurting anyone, and there's so many people who are trained to work with people with disabilities telling me, "You will never be a real adult."" "People are always gonna talk to you like you're a child,"" "and so when we were at that meeting and I said," ""Is there any way I could get a new cane," ""or is there anywhere that I can go to get a new cane," I wasn't telling him," ""Get me a cane now," and then you went," ""Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh,"" "that was, like, the final straw in my head of all the condescension and patronizing stuff, and so, yeah, I kind of blew up at you, and I know I prob..." "I probably could've dealt with it better, but it just kind of, like, was the final straw for me." "OK, and... and I will..." "I will just tell you where I'm coming from because I certainly didn't mean to hurt your feelings." "Um, it's..." "it's not you." "It's the autism speaking, and so I don't take anything personally." "Spencer, voice-over:" "Her world is so small, the knowledge that she is lacking between the vision loss and not seeing everything that goes on but then also because of the autism... that neurological, mental, whatever you want to call it... she doesn't get it," "and that's why I don't see her as being totally independent." "I just don't." "It feels like she looks at your condition in black or white." "You're either perfectly independent and you know everything or you don't know anything and are not capable of living alone." "Yeah." "No, but that's what's being insinuated, and I don't... and I don't really appreciate it." "That's... that's what you're reading into it, and we've... and we've had this conversation many times." "It's not..." "You're not... you're not going to convince me that I... that I should go and go to basketball games." "I know it sounds rude because I know Jordn's, like, in it and everything, but..." "Jordn gets a lot of playing time now." "Like, he's the starter." "I can't tell who is he out there." "You never tried to convince me to do... to go to any sport..." "any sporting events for, like, the last 5 years of my life, and I don't think that makes me..." "I don't think that makes me a bad person." "It's not about making you a bad person." "It's just supporting your brother." "I'm not saying at all that, hey, you should become a sports fan because..." "Imagine if you can..." "if... if all you can do is hear, rrr!" ", squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, aah!" ", people screaming, and you... there's no input." "It's just loud, loud, offending sounds to your ears and you have to sit there for two hours on a hard bench listening to that while everyone around you is all excited and you just feel left out" "and slightly uncomfortable and you feel like you're supposed to feel like you're supportive but you don't." "That's the rest of us, too." "That's the rest of your group?" "Oh, OK." "The rest with them." "They're with them." "Wow." "Because you guys are all set, OK?" "You're all set." "Oh, my God." "Hey, you." "Hi." "Nice to see you." "Yeah." "And at center, a junior, number 52..." "Jordn Smith." "All right, Jordn!" "Now introducing the home team for tonight's game... your Bucksport Golden Bucks." "Starting at guard, senior, number 4..." "Josh Gray." "♪ Whose broad stripes and bright stars ♪" "♪ Through the perilous... ♪" "Here we go!" "Whoo!" ""Hello." "There are a few things I need to get out of the way"" ""before I start prattling on about myself and my interests."" ""I'm legally blind, and I have Asperger syndrome." ""This has seriously turned some people off." ""Some people have the misconception that," ""because I have dis... disabilities," ""that means I can't consent." ""I'm actually a very fun, friendly, accepting," ""and... and approachable person." ""I'm curious about all kinds of age play..." ""sexual, nonsexual, dark, light and fluffy, and more." ""When I first got into this lifestyle," ""I was convinced that no one would want to play" ""with some blind chick." "I'm so happy I was wrong."" "Now, this is a word you never say." "Michelle, voice-over:" "This... this is my first real relationship as an adult." "Really, I can't see it." "Can you see this, too?" "I still can't see it." "How about now?" "Michelle, voice-over:" "It's very sort of special relationship, and, um, it's kind of hard to explain it." ""Fluff shoes"?" ""F... fuddlesh..."" "Oh, "fiddlesticks."" ""Fuddle shoes"?" "Ha ha ha!" ""Fuddle shoes."" "Michelle, voice-over:" "We're both very, very open-minded." "It's... it's a great feeling." "It really is." ""Fuddle shoe." Ha ha ha!" "That's the best thing ever." "Want to do rock, paper, scissors?" "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot." "Dang it." "Yay." "I get to go first." "Whoo!" "OK." "You're gonna find some really weird stuff in there." "OK." "Oh, it's a train." "It's a train." "Oh, my goodness, it's a train." "Oh, which train?" "Rheneas!" "Yes." "Yay!" "Rheneas!" "Here we go, here we go, here we go." "♪ No, we don't, no, we don't ♪" "♪ No, we don't, don't, don't ♪" "All right." "There's one more thing in the bottom, and it feels kind of heavy." "That... that one will require a little bit of context." "Oh, my goodness, what..." "Oh, you..." "you found it." "Ay, oh, is it a flogger?" "It is." "Oh, my goodness." "Hang on." "It looks a little crooked." "Let me try to straighten it out." "No." "You're just going to... you're just going to hit... hit me with it." "Yeah." "I..." "Thank you." "Michelle, voice-over:" "Ooh, BDSM, it's, like, uh, this taboo thing." "There are lots of different ways that people choose to be dominant or submissive." "I sort of see it as an adventure." "It's not about, like, abuse or anything like that." "It's about you hand over your free will." "You hand o... you have so much trust in that person that you... you can hand over your free will to them and say," ""You are now in control of me,"" "and it's... it's very liberating, and it's very amazing feeling." "Some people might be like, "Ew, that's weird." "That's gross," but it's really not." "It's an alternative lifestyle." "It's a different kind of relationship." "It's very special to us." "What are we gonna do about L.A., Michelle?" "Like, I would just kill to just drop everything, go out to L.A., pursue my dreams as a computer scientist- slash-voice actor, but..." "Um, cat." "Cat." "I, uh..." "Kitty." "Ah!" "Ooh!" "Sorry." "Ooh!" "Uh, cat..." "The... the way I see it is, um, it's so far away and our relationship is so new that we can't say for definite, but we're hoping to move to L.A." "Hopefully, that works out the way I want it to." "Uh, I need more hangers." "Then again, I have a lot of jeans on those hangers that I never wear and that don't fit me, so there are options." "What are you looking under my bed for?" "That's not something you should be seeing." "I was worried you'd find those one day." "Honey, it's about to be..." "It looks like a strap to a..." "I thought you'd..." "I thought you'd noticed them before and just ignored them." "Them what?" "It's a strap to a suitcase." "No, it's not." "OK." "That's..." "Do you seriously want to know what it is?" "No..." "OK." "I didn't think you did." "But to me, I didn't find anything." "It looks like a strap to a suitcase to me." "It's not." "OK." "Today we are going to a BDSMcentric munch." "It's like the "Fifty Shade of Grey" stuff." "It's where people who like to be tied up and beaten or tying up and doing the beating, like, go to meet, hang out, oh, talk about stuff." "Michelle, every time she goes into little mode... i.e., the baby..." "I have to take the role of the daddy..." "Bada bing, bada boom." "Michael, voice-over: which means I have to, uh, basically take care of my..." "my little girl, like, whether it be play with her nonsexually." "You can believe it or not, but I'm still trying to dip my toe into it, so there's a lot I have to learn." "Will you open the jar up for me?" "Mm-hmm." "We... we need to get, like, the jar-opener thing." "I knew you'd like it." "OK." "Item one... the switch." "That'll be good for when you're really, really bad... or if I just feel like using it." "Guess which one I'm probably gonna go with today." "I don't even have to guess." "I'm usually not that bad." "I'm usually a good, little girl." "Ooh, the flogger... nice little..." "little, spiky thing." "Yes?" "Hello." "Hello." "Howdy, howdy." "How you guys doing?" "Not too bad..." "Getting ready." "Beautiful Sunday morning." "Getting ready?" "Saturday." "Getting ready for what?" "We're getting ready for the... the partytytyt." "We're gonna run into our friend Caitlyn down there." "She'll... she's gonna buy us a present." "Mm-hmm." "What?" "You really got to stop using names, you know?" "Heh heh." "That's right." "Whew..." "So is there anything special going on?" "What's..." "what are you guys... what are you guys gonna be doing?" "Well, it's gonna be..." "like, it's sort of... sort of like a costume party, but not like Halloween costumes, more like..." "Like, what's the..." "what's the theme of..." "Well, you know, it's a... well, it's, you know..." "it's a... it's a BDSM and kink and fetish group." "Hmm." "I was nervous to tell you, but there was also a part of mind that says, "If she finds restraints on my bed"" ""or a flogger in my closet," "I don't want her to assume the worst."" "Yeah." "I know that this makes you uncomfortable, but I also..." "I feel like if I didn't tell you, it would make things more uncomfortable." "And I trust you in your... your intuition and your... your ability to express yourself and what you are comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with and not let people take advantage of you." "Ever, ever." "Yes, so... but, yeah, I don't..." "I don't go there in my mind..." "And that's..." "that's good." "You know, I..." "I don't..." "I don't want... because you're my..." "my little girl and..." "I know." "I know, and I don't..." "I don't... see things from my point of view, too, a little bit, so..." "Michelle, voice-over:" "We went over to a party in their house, which is sort of in a secluded, undisclosed location." "It was starting to get dark, and people were starting to show up in droves." "We went downstairs to the basement, which is where the big sitting area is and also the dungeon, and I was wearing a little skirt and a little shirt with nothing under it except for a diaper, or dider, depending on how old I am in my head" "when I say it." "It's just in case, but I'm a big girl." "I can go to the potty." "I had hot dogs for dinner and Oreos." "They actually called me little girl and asked me," ""What are you drawing?" "Oh, it's a cat." "What does a cay say?" and, you know," ""You're so cute," and things like that." "This girl came over who was in puppy mode." "She was barking and stuff on all fours, and she wanted to cuddle with us, and she really, like, you know... she was being really cuddly with me." "♪ Baby, don't cry ♪" "♪ Oh, my darling ♪" "♪ You're a dying red star ♪" "Michelle, voice-over:" "It was very wonderful." "♪ Darling... ♪" "How are you feeling?" "Light." "I feel light and floated, divine almost." "Feel like I'm on top of the world." "Boop." "That's how you're supposed... that's how... that's a good way to feel." "I shouldn't say that's how you're supposed to feel, but that's definitely a good way to feel after one of these kinds of parties." "Michelle, you were great today." "Yeah." ""Men and women indoor pool."" "Yes, for men and women." "What about people who are nonbinary?" "Can't they swim, too?" "Oh, my goodness, it feels so warm, it's like bath water warm." "I don't believe you." "Aah!" "I didn't know there was another step." "Ha ha!" "I seriously, like, was telling my friend Sam about you." "Mm-hmm." "I told him about all these different things." "You've got, like, a great personality" "You are... you're really funny." "She's sexy." "Ha ha ha!" "Ha ha!" "It wasn't until he made a joke like," ""Why would she date you?" "Is she blind or something?"" "I'm like, "Oh, yeah." "She's blind."" "Ha ha ha!" "1, 2, 3, cannonball!" "Uh!" "♪ She's the one for me ♪" "♪ And I just can't live without her ♪" "♪ My arms belong around her ♪" "♪ I'm so glad I found her once again ♪" "I'm going toward the bottom." "Yeah?" "I am." "Oh, I'm..." "I'll follow you." "I don't care what you do." "Ha!" "Well, I'll..." "I'll do whatever you do, Miss Suzy." "Ha ha!" "OK." "Where are you in the... in the world right now?" "What is it that you're..." "Um, well, I'm not really doing much, but I'm... that's gonna change soon." "Right." "I'm..." "I..." "I'm kind of living with my mom right now, and I was living in some isolation, hardly ever going out." "I didn't really have any friends except for this one community that I was involved in." "I..." "I was just..." "So what's this community that you were talking about?" "Uh, this has been..." "this is going on in my head far before I graduated, uh, high..." "Perkins, but I knew I couldn't get involved." "I wanted to get involved with the BDSM community, so when I moved to Maine, I did get involved, and I found extreme happiness, catharsis, and freedom through that community." "OK, so, uh, I mean, I'm..." "I'm not..." "I'm not, uh, shocked or appalled or anything." "I mean, I..." "I don't know a lot about that community." "I know enough to include it in my sex ed." "discussions, and people have very different opinions about it." "You know, everything's on a continuum, so there's degrees..." "Exactly." "So there are degrees of things, so sounds to me like you're safe." "I'm very much so, Right." "OK." "And I only give up power to people who have earned it." "I don't, like..." "because I don't..." "You know, it's like I don't give up power to people who think that I don't deserve power, and, um, there's this wonderful term I've heard from another blind person in the kink world." "She has this term called nonconsensual age play, which is what she calls it when people on the street go," ""Oh, sweetie, honey, let me help you,"" "and treat her like a little 5-year-old." "The thing is, she likes to be treated like that by the people in her life that... that... who respect her as an adult and who are... she's in kink relationships with, but when people do it on the street," "she kind of wants to punch them a little bit, you know?" "Nonconsensual sensual age play." "Age play." "I like that." "Age play is... is a kink term which basically means, like, being treated like a baby or like a child, and..." "I just..." "I really like that power thing." "I really like that." "I really..." "I am very curious to see where... where you go with it." "Wallet, retainer, headphone case." "That's all in there." "Actually, somebody is meeting her at the gate, so if someone could just get her from security to the gate, she'll be all set." "I just want to say that I hope you have the best of time and that you get to meet everybody that you want to meet..." "I hope so, too." "And I would wish you to make a big impression, but I already know you will." "Ha ha ha!" "I love you." "Love you, too." "Where are you?" ""In Spain."" "Ha ha! "In Spain," she says." "She's here." "Ahh!" "Whoo whoo!" "I was trying to call you this week." "You called me twice." "Yes." "Both times, I was at work, but I got your voice mails, and both times, I tried to call you back, and you didn't answer your phone..." " Oh, I'm sorry." "So I figured you had your ringer off or whatever," "I was busy. - so have a seat." " Surprise!" "Oh, man, give me a hug." "I can't believe you're here." "Yes, you can." "I know, but when you weren't here to begin with, I was..." "OK, so, um, uh..." "so sit down." "Oh, boy, this is gonna be great." "OK, so I went to L.A., and, uh, basically, everything's so spread out there and the... and the transportation is not nearly as good as I was told it was, and it would be really, really hard" "for me to live there independently without someone to drive me around... and so I realized that the... that," "I mean, I might not have to give it up entirely..." "I mean, there might be opportunities in the future... but I am giving up acting, and I'm not moving to L.A., so that's what I have to tell you guys, and I'm sorry if you guys all expected me" "to come back and tell you that I was moving out in two months and that everything went amazingly, but it really didn't." "♪ Happy birthday, dear Michelle ♪" "♪ Happy birthday to you ♪" "Make a wish." "Yay!" "She's staying." "Yay." "Before I went to L.A., I kind of told everyone in my life that it was a..." "that it was a done deal that I was gonna be living there and that that was just it, but it was just going to be generally a lot more difficult than I thought it was." "I saw a lot of cracks in my plan, so hypothetically, I go out there, give up everything that I'm about, and become... and... and... and try to become an actor." "There's no guarantee that I'm going to have success with that, whereas I'm already living my dream of being myself." "I'm already a kinkster." "I'm already a nerd." "I'm already pansexual." "I want to be able to live on my own." "That doesn't necessarily mean making gourmet meals." "I might still just be a, you know, microwave master chef, but I want to know that I have the capacity to live on my own... and I've realized that I want to write and be an activist for women's rights," "for LGBT, and for kink awareness and sex positivity, and I think if I say something, it might give the courage to other people to say things because they think, "Well, if that young, blind woman"" "can do it"... you know, because people think in those terms sometimes..." ""if a blind girl can do it, then I guess I can do it."" "Miss..." "Miss Beautiful." "How could you hear me?" "I couldn't, but I just knew it was Miss Beautiful." "Aww." "So my name is Michelle Smith." "This is "Unlearning Normal," a bit of a story about my life and some people who have tried to stand in my way." "Boo." "All right." "Boo." "OK." "Thank you." "When I was 17, the head house parent in my cottage, which is kind of like a dorm but different, she was kind of, uh, let's just say, closed-minded." "She kind of had this idea that when you're an adult, you do very adult things, and you don't like Hello Kitty, so what I did was, I went home, and I got all of my Hello Kitty stuff" "and brought it back to school with me and arranged it just so." "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "You know, there are gonna be people in... in your life who are gonna tell you that you have to be a certain way because your age, your gender, your race, your sexual orientation, whatever, and I... there's a wor... there's a word for people like that." "They're called ass." "I mean, I'm..." "I'm a female." "I identify as female, but I don't think about that all the time." "I don't let my gender or my age or my disability or any other factor about me that's just a fact..." "I don't let that dictate any other parts of who I am." "I just be me, and I feel like that has made me more happy than any popularity I ever got being someone else." "Hi." "What brings you here?" "Friends." "I'm here for pride." "I thought so." "I know a lot of people are." "Stop saying that." "You don't have to..." "Yes, it is." "I was supposed to dress up for this." "It's not the end of the world, Michelle." "It... it... it's symbolic of the fact that" "I'm not independent and I can't take care of myself." "I can't see anybody that really dresses up too much to go to Bangor Housing Authority to fill out application for housing, Michelle." "That's what I'm saying." "I can't pick out my own clothes." "I would've walked out of the house with a too-low-cut top and short pants that don't fit me." "Should I have not said anything?" "I'm saying that I was just ready to walk out the door in this." "I can't live by myself." "I can't survive." "Why are we even going to the apartment place if I can't even dress myself?" "You get dressed every day by yourself." "Obviously not today, not when it count... not when it matters." "Well, and I won't be far away." "I can't drive." "How am I gonna get..." "come and see you every day and make sure I'm OK?" "How am I gonna be OK?" "Do you want me to help you find something else?" "Yes." "You can still wear that sweater." "Just wear, like, a different tank top underneath it." "OK." "One thing you didn't realize is that when you turned sideways, your right..." "Boob?" "yes... was really hanging out, and you couldn't tell that, Michelle." "I felt like this was the test to see if I was... that I could be independent, and I felt like I failed." "Do you think I can really live by myself?" "I really do." "I do, and I think living close by here in Bangor for a little while is... is the best way." "You know, that way, you have me, the support system that when things come up that you're not sure of, that you..." "I really do..." "I really do want to live in an apartment in Bangor..." "I really do... for at least 6 months." "I really want it for you." "I love you, Mi." "Love you, too." "Oh..." "Sorry I had to..." "And then there's orientation and... and an apartment." "All right." "Excellent." "Excellent." "Thank you so much." "You're very helpful." "Thank you." "Have a nice afternoon." "Something plastic." "Plastic." "Here." "Do you want a sippy cup?" "I have one already." "Ha ha ha!" "You're just goofy." "OK." "Michelle, voice-over:" "I feel like at this point in my life," "I'm not the only one." "I'm not the only one who loses their keys, frantically looking for them, probably way overreacting." "I know I'm not the only one..." "Hi." "Hi, Josie." "How are you?" "I'm great." "How are you?" "Good." "Michelle, voice-over: and I'm not the only one who wakes up in the morning sometimes and wonders," ""I wonder what everyone thinks of me." "I wonder if everyone thinks that... that I'm..." "I'm a failure."" "You know, I know I'm not the only one who goes through bouts of depression when things change in their life and they don't understand it." "♪ I don't know what's right ♪" "♪ I don't know what's right ♪" "Michelle, voice-over:" "All of these people could relate to me in one way or another, even if it's something small or something that's big as," ""My parents got divorced when I was 13 or 14."" ""Oh, mine did, too," you know?" "It doesn't matter if it's a big thing or small thing." "Everyone can relate to each other in one way or another, and that's something very beautiful." "It's good to think about whenever you're thinking that you're all alone in the world, and, trust me, if you think you're all alone, think about how many, you know, billions of other people" "think they're all alone..." "6 billion, to be precise." "Ha ha ha!" "Oh..." "I know." "Oh, my goodness." "♪ All your waking dreams ♪" "♪ Were passing by ♪" "♪ I don't know what's right ♪" "♪ I don't know what's right ♪" "♪ All your laughing All your bleeding ♪" "♪ All the steps that seem misleading ♪" "♪ You walk with friends and play like children ♪" "♪ Travel high and lose your sense of mind ♪" "♪ I don't know what's right ♪"