"English Subtitles by Jerry Shadow" "Chapter ONE "Once upon a time in..." "Nazi Occupied France"" "1941 One year into the German occupation of France" "Pappa" "Go back inside and shut the door." "Julie, get me some water from the pump to wash up with, then get inside with your mother." "Ready Pappa." "Thank you darling, now go inside and take care of your mother." "Don't run." "This is the property of Perrier LaPadite?" "Yes heer Colonel." "Herman, until I summon you, I am to be left alone." "As you wish Heer Col." "Is this the property of Perrier LaPadite?" "I am Perrier LaPadite." "It is a pleasure to meet you Monsieur LaPadite," "I am Colonel Hans Landa of the S.S." "How may I help you?" "I was hoping you could invite me inside your home and we may have a discussion." "Follow Me" "Colonel Landa, this is my family." "Col Hans Landa of the S.S. madame, at your service." "Please excuse my rude intrusion on your routine." "Monsieur LaPadite, the rumors I have heard in the village about your family are all true." "Your wife is a beautiful woman." "And each of your daughters is more lovely then the last." "Merci." "Please have a seat." "Charlotte, would you be so good as to get The Colonel some wine?" "No, no" "Merci be coupe Monsieur LaPadite, but no wine." "This being a dairy farm one would be safe in assuming you have milk?" "Oui." "Then milk is what I prefer." "Very Well." "Could you please close the window?" "Merci." "Monsieur, to both your family, and your cows," "I say;" "Bravo." "Merci." "Please, join me at your table." "Very well." "Monsieur LaPadite, what we have to discuss,' would be better discussed in private." "You'll notice, I left my men outdoors- if it wouldn't offend them, could you ask your lovely ladies to step outside." "You are right." "Charlotte, would you take the girls outside." "The Colonel and I need to have a few words." "Monsieur LaPadite," "I regret to inform you I've exhausted the extent of my French." "To continue to speak it so inadequately, would only serve to embarrass me." "However, I've been lead to believe you speak English quite well?" "Oui." "Well, it just so happens, I do as well." "This being your house, I ask your permission to switch to English, for the remainder of the conversation?" "By all means." "Monsieur LaPadite," "I thank you for milk, and your hospitality." "I do believe our business here is done." "Mademoiselle LaPadite," "I thank you for your time, we shant be bothering your family any longer." "So, Monsieur and Madame LaPadite I bid you adieu." "Till we meet again!" "Au revoir, Shosanna!" "Chapter TWO "Inglorious Basterds"" "No, no, no, no..." "How much more of these jew swine must I endure?" "I have heard the rumors myself!" "Solders of The Third Reich, who have brought the world to their knee`s, now pecking and clucking like chickens." "Do you know the latest rumor they've conjured up, in their fear induced delirium?" "The one that beats my boys with a bat." "The one they call "The Bear Jew"...is a Golem." "Mine Fuhrer, this is just soldiers gossip, no one really believes The Bear Jew is a golem." "Why not?" "They seem to be able to elude capture like a aberration." "They seem to be able to appear and disappear at will." "You want to prove their flesh and blood?" "Then BRING THEM TO ME!" "I will hang them naked, by their heels, from the eiffel tower!" "And then throw their bodies in the sewers, for the rats of Paris to feast!" "KLIEST" "Year mine Fuhrer." "I have a order I want relayed to all German soldiers stationed in France." "The Jew degenerate known as The Bear Jew, hence forth, is never to be referred to as The Bear Jew again." "Yes mine Fubrer." "Do you still wish to see Private Butz?" "Who and what is a private Butz?" "He's the soldier you wanted to see personally." "His squad was ambushed by Lt.Raines Jews." "He was it's only survivor." "Indeed I do want to see him, thank you for reminding me." "Send him in." "Werner and I were the only ones left alive after the ambush." "While one man guarded us, the rest removed the hair." "Hugo Stiglitz" "How did you survived this ordel?" "They let me go." "You are not to tell anybody anything!" "Not one word of detail!" "Your outfit was ambushed, and you got a away." "Not one word more." "Yes mine Fuhrer." "Did they mark you like they did the other survivors?" "Yes mine Fuhrer." "Chapter THREE "German Night in Paris"" "Paris" "WHITE HELL OF PIZA PALU" "GERMAN NIGHT LENI REFENSHTAL in PABST WHITE HELL OF PIZA PALU" "What starts tomorrow?" "A Max Linder festival." "Ummmm, I always preferred Linder to Chaplin." "Except Linder never made a film as good as "The Rid"." "The chase climax of "The Kid", superb." " I adore your cinema very much" " Merci" "Is it yours?" " Do I own it?" " Oui" "Oui" "How does a young girl, such as yourself, own a cinema?" "My aunt left it to me." "Merci for hosting a German night." "I don't have a choice, but your welcome." "I love the Refensthal mountain films, especially, "Pizu Palu"." "It's nice to see a French girl who's a admirer of Refensthal." ""Admire", would not be the adjective I would use to describe my feelings towards Fraulein Refensthal." "But you do admire the director." "Pabst, don't you?" "That's why you included his name on the marquee." "I'm French." "We respect directors in our country." "Apparently even Germans." "Even Germans." "Merci for assistance, Private." "Adieu." "Your not finished?" "I'll finish in the morning." "May I ask your name?" "You wish to see my papers?" "Emmanuelle Mimieux." "That's a very pretty name." "Merci." "Are you finished with my papers?" "Mademoiselle." "My name is Fredrick Zoller." "It's been a pleasure chatting with a fellow cinema lover." "Sweet dreams, Mademoiselle." "May I join you?" "Look Fredrick " " You remember my name?" "Yes...." "Look, you seem a pleasant enough fellow " " Merci." "Your welcome. - regardless, I want you to stop pestering me." "I apologize mademoiselle, I wasn't trying to be a pest." "I was simply trying to be friendly." "I don't wish to be your friend." "Why not?" " Don't act like a infant." "You know why." "I'm more then just a uniform." "Not to me." "If you are so desperate for a French girlfriend, I suggest you try Vichy?" "Who are you?" "I thought I was just a uniform?" "Your not just a German soldier, are you somebodies son?" "Most German soldiers are somebodies son." "So your a war hero?" "What did you do?" "I was alone in a bell tower in a walled off city in Russia." "It was myself, and a thousand rounds of ammo, in a bird's nest, against three hundred Soviet soldiers." "What's a bird's nest?" "A bird's nest is what a sniper would call a bell tower." "It's a high structure, offering a three hundred and sixty degree view." "Very advantageous for marksmen." "How many Russian's did you kill?" "Sixty-eight." "The first day." "A hundred and fifty the second day." "Thirty-two, the third day." "On the forth day, they exited the city." "Naturally my war story received alot of attention in Germany, that's why they all recognize me." "They call me the German Sgt.York." "Maybe they'll make a film about your exploits." "Well, that's just what Joseph Goebbels thought." "So he did." "It's called "Nation's Pride", and guess what, they wanted me to play myself, so I did." "They have posters for it in kiosks all over Paris." "That's another reason for all the attention." ""Nation's Pride" is about you?" ""Nation's Pride" is starring you?" "I know, comical, huh?" "Well, good luck with your premier Private." "I hope all goes well for Joseph and yourself." "Au revoir." "Mademoiselle Nimieux?" "Oui?" "Ask her if this is her cinema?" "is this your cinema?" "Oui" "Tell her to come down." "Come down please." "I don't understand, what have I done?" "She wants to know what she's done?" "Who says she's done anything?" "Who says you've done anything?" "it's only the off spring of slaves that allows America to be competitive athletically." "America olympic gold can measured in Negro sweat." "DOCTOR JOSEPH GOEBBELS Second Top man in charge of the Third Reich" "Good you came." "I wasn't sure weather or not you'd except my invitation." "Invitation?" "Is that the young lady in question, Fredrick?" "Yes it is, Heer Goebbels." "Emmanuelle, there is somebody I want you to meet." "Emmanuelle Mimieux, I'd like to introduce you to the minister of propaganda, the leader of the entire German film industry, and now I'm a actor, my boss, Joseph Goebbels." "Your reputation precedes you Fraulein Mimieux." "And normally, this is Heer Goebbels French interpreter, Mademoiselle Francesca Mondino." "Bon jour." "Bon jour." "And you've met the Major." "Actually, I didn't introduce myself." "Major Deiter Helistrom of the Gestapo, at your service mademoiselle." "Please allow me, have a seat." "Try the wine mademoiselle, it's quite good." "well I must say, you've made quite a impression on our boy." "I must say fraulein, I should be rather annoyed with you." "I arrive in France, and I wish to have lunch with my star..." "Little do I know Be's become the toast of paris, and now he must find time for me." "People wait in line hours, day's, to see me." "For the Fuhrer and Private Zoller, I wait." "So finally, I'm granted a audience with the young Private, and he spends the entire lunch speaking of you and your cinema." "So Fraulein Mimieux, let's get down to business." "" " Heer Goebbels, I haven't informed her yet." "Unless the girls a simpleton, I'm sure she's figured it out by now, after all she does operate a cinema." "Francesca, tell her." "What they're trying to tell you Emmanuelle, is Private Zoller has spent the last hour at lunch, trying to convince Monsieur Goebbels to abandon previous plans for Private Zollers film premier, and change the venue to your cinema." "What?" "I wanted to inform her." "Shit." "I apologize Private, of course you did." "What's the issue?" "The Private wanted to inform the mademoiselle himself." "Nonsense." "Until I ask a few questions, he has nothing to inform." "Let the record state, I have not agreed to a venue change." "Duly noted." "You have opera boxes?" "Oui" "How Many?" "Two" "More would be better." "How many seats in your auditorium?" "Three hundred and fifty." "But Heer Goebbels, that's not such a terrible thing." "You said yourself you didn't want to indulge every two faced french bourgeois taking up space currying favor." "With less seat's it makes the event more exclusive." "Your not trying to fill the house, they're fighting for seats." "Besides, to hell with the French." "This is a German night, a German event, a German celebration." "This night is for you, me, the German military, the high command, their family and friends." "The only people who should be allowed in the room, are people who will be moved by the exploits on screen." "I see your public speaking has improved." "It appears I've created a monster." "A strangely persuasive monster." "When the war's over, politics awaits." "Well Private, though it is true," "I'm inclined to indulge you anything." "I must watch a film in this young ladies cinema before I can say, yes or no." "So young lady, you are to close your cinema tonight, and have a private screening for me." "What German films do you have?" "Ah Landa, your here." "Emmanuelle, this is Col Hans Landa of the SS., he'll be running security for the premier." "Charmed Mademoiselle." "And now I must get Reich Minister Goebbels to his next appointment." "Slave driver!" "French slave driver!" "Actually, in my role as security chief of this joyous German occasion, I'm afraid I must have a word with Mademoiselle Mimieux." "What sort of discussion?" "That sounded suspiciously like a Private questioning the order of a Colonel?" "Or am I just being sensitive?" "Nothing could be further from the truth Colonel." "Your authority is beyond question." "But your reputation does proceed you." "Should Mademoiselle Mimieux or myself be concerned?" "Hans, the boy means no harm, he's simply smitten." "And he's correct." "Your reputation does proceed you." "No need for concern, you two." "As security chief, I simply need to have a chat with the possible new venue's property owner." "Have you tried the strudel here?" "No." "It's not so terrible." "So how is it the young Private and yourself came to be acquainted?" "Yes, two strudels, one for myself, and one for the mademoiselle." "A cup of espresso, with a container of steamed milk, on the side." "For the Mademoiselle, a glass of milk." "So Mademoiselle, you were beginning to explain....?" "Up untill a couple of days ago, I had no knowledge of Private Zoller, or his exploits." "To me, the Private was simply just a patron of my cinema." "We spoke a few times, but " " Mademoiselle, let me interrupt you." "This is a simple formality, no reason for you to feel anxious." "I apologize, I forgot to order the cream fresh." "One moment." "Wait for the cream." "So Emmanuelle" " May I call you Emmanuelle?" "Oui." "So Emmanuelle, explain to me how does it happen, that a young lady such as your self, comes to own a cinema?" "After you." "Success?" "Like I said, not so terrible." "So you were explaining the origin of your cinema ownership?" "The cinema originally belonged to my aunt and uncle " " What is there names?" "Jean-Pierre and Ada Mimieux." "Where are they now?" "My uncle was killed during blitzkrieg." "Pity... ." "Continue." "Aunt Ada passed away from fever last spring." "Regrettable." "It's come to my attention you have a negro in your employ, is that true?" "Yes, he's a Frenchman." "His name is Marcel." "He worked with my aunt and uncle since they opened the cinema." "He's the only other one who works with me." "Doing What?" "Projectonist." "Is he any good?" "The best" "Actually one could see where that might be a good trade for them." "Can you operate the projectors?" "Of course I can." "Knowing the Reich Minister as I do," "I'm quite positive he wouldn't want the success or failure of his illustrious evening, dependent on the prowess of a negro." "So if it comes to pass we hold this event at your venue, talented no doubt, as your negro may be, you will operate the projectors." "Is that exceptable?" "Oui" "Cigarette?" "There not French, there German." "I did have some thing else I wanted to ask you," "but right now, I can't remember what it is." "Oh well, must not of been important." "Till tonight." "I must say, I appreciate the modesty of this auditorium." "Your Cinema has real respect, almost church like." "Not to say we couldn't spruce the place up a bit." "In Versailles there's a crystal chandelier hanging in the banquet hall that is extraordinary." "we're going to get it, and hang it from the very middle of auditorium roof." "Also I want to go to Louvre, pick up a few Greek nudes, and just scatter them about the lobby." "What the fuck are we suppose to do?" "It looks like we're suppose to have a Nazi premier." "Like I said, what the fuck are we suppose to do?" "Well, when I was watching the bosch I got a idea." "I'm confused, what are we talking about?" "Filling the cinema with Nazi's and their whores, and burning it down to the ground." "I'm not talking about that, your talking about that." "No, Marcel, just for sake of argument, if we wanted to burn down the cinema, for any number of reasons, you and I could physically accomplish that, no?" "Oui Shosanna, we could do that." "And with Madame Mimieux's 350 nitrate film print collection, we wouldn't even need explosives, would we?" "You mean we wouldn't need any more explosives?" "I am going to burn down the cinema on Nazi night." "And if I'm going to burn down the cinema, which I am, we both know, your not going to let me do it by myself." "Because you love me." "And I love you." "And your the only person on this earth I can trust." "But that's not all we're going to do." "Does the filmmaking equipment in the attic still work?" "I know the film camera does." "How about the sound recorder?" "Quite well, actually." "I recorded a new guitarist I met in a cafe last week." "It works superb." "Why do we need filmmaking equipment?" "Because Marcel, my sweet, we're going to make a film." "Just for the Nazi's." "Chapter FOUR "Operation Kino"" "The Village of NADINE, FRANCE" "My honor - loyalty" "Okay, I'm a fictional, literary character, from the past, I'm American, and that's controversial." "No it's not controversial." "The nationally of the author, has nothing to do with the nationally of the character." "The Character is the character." "Hamlet's not British, he's Danish." "So yes, this character was born in America." "Schnapps, please." "Sure, I'll be right back" "If I had a wife, would she be called a squaw?" "He's got it." "Is my bloodbrother, Old Shatterhand?" "Yes!" "Did Karl May write me?" "Yes!" "I am WINNETOU, CHIEF of the APACHES!" "Hello, my lovelies," "I will join you in moments." "I'm finishing up a game with my five new friends here." "No hurry, Frau Von Hammersmark." "Take your time, enjoy yourself." "I Would like to get my friends some drinks, could you ask them what they want?" "Of course." "Gentlemen, courtesy of the frauline, what can I get you to drink?" "Whiskey." "Three Whiskys" "Well gentlemen, I need to excuse myself for a moment." "So what's on your card?" "Oh, yes." "Let's see." "Gengus Khaun!" "I would have never gotten that." "I thought this place was suppose to have more French then Germans?" "Normally that's true." "The Sgt over there's wife, just had a baby." "His commanding officer gave him, and his mates the night off to celebrate." "We should leave." "No, we should stay." "For one drink at least." "I've been waiting for you in a bar, it would look strange if we left before we had a drink." "She's right, just be calm, and enjoy your booze." "Eric, Merci" "Your welcome" "You should come and play with us, it'll be fun." "But I'm working" "Merci, but part of your job is entertaining the guests, so sit down with them." "Here she is." "Just remember, no funny bussines." "I'll show him some funny business, because this guy here is having a baby." "just look at this." "I propose a toast to the happy father of Maximilian." "Cheers!" "There's been some new developments." "The cinema venue has changed." "Why?" "No one knows." "But that in itself shouldn't be a problem." "The cinema it's been changed to is considerably smaller then The Ritz." "So whatever materials you brought for The Ritz, should be doubly effective here." "Now this next piece of information is colossal, try not to over react." "The Fuhrer, will be attending tomorrow." "Frau Von Hammersmark, I was just thinking, could you sign a autograph to my son on his birthday?" "I'd love to Wilhelm." "This handsome happy Sgt, just became a father today." "Congratulations" "Thank you" "So Wilhelm, do you know the name of this progeny yet?" "I most certainly do, fraulein." "His name is Maximilian." "Maximilian, What a wonderful name, Sgt." "Thank you, Lieutenant." "Nothing but the best for little Maximilian." "Thank you fraulein, thank you." "Max may not know who you are now." "But he will." "I will show him all of your movies." "He will grow up with your films, and this napkin on his wall." "Then, to the whole tavern..." "I purpose a toast to the greatest actress in Germany!" "There is no Dietrich, there is no Riefenstahl, only Von Hammersmark!" "There's much to discuss and..." "So, Frau Von Hammersmark, what brings you to France?" "None of your business,Sgt." "You might not have worn out your welcome with the fraulein, with your drunken boorish behavior, but you have wore out your welcome with me." "Might I remind you Sgt.,you're an enlisted man." "This is a officers table." "I suggest you stop pestering the fraulein, and rejoin your table." "Excuse me Cap't, but your accent is very unusual." "Where are you from?" "Sgt.!" "You must be ether drunk or mad, to speak to a superior officer with such impertinentness!" "I'm making YOU,...and YOU,...responsible, for him." "I suggest you take hold of your friend, or he'll spend Max's first birthday in jail for public drunkenness!" "Then might I inquire?" "Like the young newly christened father, I too have a acute ear for accents." "And like him, I too find yours odd." "From where do you hail, Cap't?" "Major, this is highly inappr " "I wasn't speaking to you Lt.Saltzberg, or you ether, Lt.Berlin." "I was speaking to Cap't I--don't-know-what." "I was born in the village that rests in the shadow of Piz Palu." "The mountain?" "Yes." "In that village we all speak like this." "Have you seen the Riefenstahl film?" "Yes." "Then you saw me." "You remember the skiing torch scene?" "Yes I do." "In that scene was myself, my father, my sister, and my two brothers." "My brother is so handsome, the director Pabst, gave him a Close Up." "Major, if my word means anything, I can vouch for everything the Young Cap't has just said." "He does hail from the bottom of Piz Palu, he was in the film, and his brother is far more handsome then he." "You should rejoin your friends." "May I join you?" "By all means Major" "Wonderful" "So that's the source of your bazaar accent?" "Extraordinary." "So what are you doing here Cap't?" "Aside from having a drink with the lovely fraulein?" "Well that pleasure requires no explanation." "I mean in country." "Your obviously not stationed in France, or I'd know who you are." "You know every German in France?" "Worth knowing." "Well, there in lies the problem." "We never claimed to be worth knowing." "All levity aside, what are you doing in France?" "Attending Goebbels film premiere as the frauleins escort." "Your the frauleins escort?" "Somebody has to carry the lighter." "The Captain is my date, but all three are my guests." "We're old friends Major, who go back along time." "Longer then a actress would care to admit." "Well, in that case, let me raise a glass to the three luckiest men in the room." "I'll drink to that." "I must say, that game their playing looks like a good bit of fun." "I didn't join them, because your quite right Cap't, officers and enlisted men shouldn't fraternize." "But seeing as we're all officers here, and sophisticated lady friends of officers." "What say we play the game?" "okay, one game." "wonderful" "So the object of the game, is to write the name of a famous person on your card." "Real or fictitious, doesn't matter." "For instance, you could write Confucius or Fu Manchu." "Eric' More pens." "And they must be famous." "No Aunt Inga's." "When you finish writing, put the card face down on the table, and move it to the person to your left." "The person to your right, will move their card in front of you." "You pick up the card without looking at it, lick the back, and stick it on your forehead like so." "And in ten yes or no questions, you must guess who you are..." "So let's give it a try, shall we?" "I'll start, give you the idea." "Am I German?" "No." "Am I a American?" "No" "Wait a minute, he goes to" "Don't be ridiculous, obviously he wasn't born in America." "So... ." "I visited America, aye?" "Yes" "Was this vist...fortuitous?" "Not for you." "My native land, is it what one would call, exotic?" "Yes" "That could be ether a reference to the jungle, or the Orient." "I'm going to let my first instinct take over, and ask, am I from the jungle?" "Yes you are" "Now gentlemen, around this time you could ask, whether your real or fictitious." "I however, think that's too easy, so I won't ask that, yet." "Okay, my native land is the jungle?" "I visited America, but my visit was not fortuitous to me, but the implication is that it was to somebody else." "When I went from the jungle to America,..." "Did I go by boat?" "Yes" "Did I go against my will?" "Yes" "On this boat ride, ... ." "Was I in chains?" "Yes" "When I arrived in America,..." "Was I displayed in chains?" "Yes" "Am I the story of the Negro in America?" "No" "Well then I must be King Kong." "Bravo, that was impressive." "Now since I answered correctly, you all need to finnish your drinks." "Now, who's next?" "Major, I don't mean to be rude." "But... the four of us are very good friends." "And the four of us haven't seen each other in quite a while." "So..." "Major, I'm afraid, you are intruding." "I beg to differ Cap't." "It's only if the fraulein considers my presence a intrusion, that I become a intruder." "How about it fraulein?" "Am I intruding?" "Of course not, Major." "I didn't think so." "It's simply the young Cap't is immune to my charms." "I'm just joking, of course I'm intruding." "Allow me to refill your glasses gentlemen, and I will bid you and the fraulein adieu." "Eric has a bottle of thirty-three year old single malt scotch whisky from the Scottish highlands." "What do you say gentlemen?" "Your most gracious, sir." "Eric, the thirty-three, and new glasses!" "You don't want to contaminate the thirty-three with the swill you were drinking." "How many glasses?" "Five glasses" "Not me." "I like scotch, scotch doesn't like me." "Nor I. I'll stay with bubbly." "Three glasses" "To a thousand year Reich!" "Did you hear that?" "That's the sound of my Luger pointed right at your testicles." "Why do you have a Luger pointed at my testicles?" "Because you've just given yourself away, Cap't." "Your no more German then that scotch." "Well," "Major - " "Major" "Shut up slut." "You were saying?" "I was saying that makes two of us." "I've had a gun pointed at your balls since you sat down." "That makes three of us." "And at this range, I'm a real Fredrick Zoller." "Looks like we have a bit of a sticky situation here." "What's going to happen, Major, is you're going to stand up, and walk out that door with us." "No no no no no no, I don't think so." "I'm afraid you and I both know, no matter what happens to anybody else in this room, the two of us aren't going anywhere." "Too bad about them though." "They seem like a likeable bunch" "You two will have to shoot them." "I thought so." "So you run with the American's now, huh?" "Now times are bad?" "You despicable traitor." "For now." "Willhelm, think of Maximillian." "I've been rethinking my position in regards to your Paris premiere of "Nations Pride"." "As the weeks have gone on, and the Americans are on the beach," "I do find myself thinking more and more about this Private Zoller." "This boy has done something tremendous for us." "And I'm beginning to think my participation in this event could be meaningful." "Ahhh Hugo, you've moved up in the world I see." "Lieutenant." "And with your record of insubordination." "Truly remarkable." "And that ones name is Weiheim Wicki." "He's an Austrian born jew, who immigrated to the United States when things began turning sour for the Israelites." "They are the two German born members of The Basterds." "They've been known to don german uniforms, to ambush squads." "But that doesnt look like this." "This is odd." "It would appear somebodies missing." "Somebody fashionable." "Chapter FIVE "Revenge of the Giant Face"" "NIGHT OF "NATION'S PRIDE" PREMIERE" "Ooh lala, this is so exciting" "Shut up fool" "Sorry" "You know this is a brilliant idea." "But do you really think we'll pull it off?" "We don't have any other choice" "Quickly, get him on the table." " I should just kill you" " No please don't" "What are we gonna do with him now?" "I'd like to know what you were doing here in the first place" "Hermann Goering" "No, no look..." "Won the gold for germany in the olympics" "Not as big of a deal as this boy." "Yeah, this is a great deal for germany." "the premiere of a true hero" "And let me present the owner of this cinema and our host" "Nice to meet you madame. beautiful set-up you have here..." "Fraulein Von Hammersmark" "Colonel Landa, it's been years." "Dashing as ever I see." "So what's happened to your lovely leg, a by product of kicking ass in the German cinema, no doubt." "Save your flattery, you old dog." "I know too many of your former conquests, to fall into that honey pot." "Seriously, what happened?" "Well, I tried my hand, foolishly I might add, at mountain climbing." "And this was the result." "Mountain climbing?" "That's how you injured your leg, mountain climbing?" "Believe it or not, yes it is." "Forgive me, fraulein." "I don't mean laugh at your misfortune." "It's just mountain climbing?" "I'm curious fraulein, what could of ever compelled you to undertake such a foolhardy endeavor?" "Well, I chant be doing it again, I can tell you that." "That cast looks as fresh as my old Uncle Gustave, when were you climbing this mountain, last night?" "Very good eye, Colonel." "It happened yesterday morning." "And where exactly in Paris is this mountain?" "I'm just teasing you, fraulein." "You know me, I tease rough." "So who are your three handsome escorts?" "I'm afraid neither three speak a word of German." "They're friends of mine from Italy." "This is a wonderful Italian stuntman, Enzo Gorlomi" "A very talented cameraman, Antonio Margheriti" "And Antonio's camera assistant, Dominick Decocco" "Gentlemen, this is a old friend, Col. Sans Landa of the S.S." "Good evening" "Welcome gentlemen." "Friends of our beloved stars, which we all admire, the true gems of our culture will naturally be under my personal protection" "Thank you" "Did I pronounce that properly?" "Yes, yes, it's correct." "Repeat once more" "Excuse me, how?" "Once again, I ask" "And your name is?" "Again" "One more time, but let me really hear the music in it." "and you?" "Well, my two cameraman friends need to find there seats." "These are your tickets" "0023 and 0024 your places are easy to find. see you later" "Martin Bormann" "Ooh lala, Danielle Darrieux" "I have to go down and socialize with these Hun pigs." "Let's go over it again?" "Reel one is on the first projector." "Reel two is on the second." "Three and four are ready to go." "Okay, the big sniper battle in the film begins around the middle of the third reel." "Our film, comes on in the forth reel, so Somewhere towards the end of the third reel, go down and lock the doors of the auditorium." "Then take your place behind the screen, and wait for my CUE, when I give it to you," "BURN IT DOWN!" "Take your seats!" "The show is about to begin!" "Everybody take your seatsl" "Its starting" "Yes, but let's enjoy a glass of champagne first" "I need to speak with you alone for a moment" " Of course" "Excuse us" "Have a seat fraulein." "Let me see your foot." "I beg your pardon?" "Put your foot in my lap." "Colonel, you embarrass me." "Now, to your right, in the bag, there's a shoe. get it" "Can I have it please?" "What now Colonel?" "Clever" "The Fuhrer will be here in a moment and we can start" "Thank you" "It's time." "I should go lock the auditorium, and take my place behind the screen." "Perfectly understandable, dear boy." "You go now, and we'll see you after the show." "Who is it?" "Fredrick" "Are you the manager, of this cinema?" "I want my money back." "That actor in the movie stinks." " What are you doing here?" " I came to visit you" "Can't you see how busy I am?" "Then allow me to lend a assist." "Fredrick it's not funny, you can't be here." "This is your premiere, you need to be out there with them." "Normally, you would be right." "And for all the other films I do, I intend to endure evenings like tonight, in the proper sprit." "However the fact remains, this film, is based on my military exploits." "And in this case, my exploits consisted of me killing many men." "Consequently, the part of the film that's playing now, I don't like watching this part." "Fredrick, I am sorry, but " " So, I thought, I'd come up here and do what I do best, annoy you." "And from the look on your face, it would appear I haven't lost my touch." "Are you so use to the Nazi's kissing your ass, you've forgotten what the word, "No" means?" "No Fredrick, you can't come in here, now go away!" "Well, it's nice to know you can feel something." "Even if it's just physical pain." "I'm not a man you say, "Go away" to." "There's over three hundred dead bodies in Russia, that if they could, would testify to that." "After what I've done for you, you disrespect me at your peril." "I have to get prepared for the reel change." "What" "I have to get prepared for the reel change" "Let me do it" "No" "Oh, please, it's been two years since i've done a reel change." "I said no" "Fabulous, just fabulous." "The best movie this year" "Thank you, Fuhrer..." "Thank you" "English subtitles by Jerry Shadow"