"Pick up that hammer there, boy." "Say, any of you boys smithies?" "Or if not smithies per se were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wandering'?" "Jesus!" "Can't I count on you people?" "Sorry, Everett." "Well, all right we take off through that bayou" " Wait a minute!" "Who elected you leader of this outfit?" "Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought, but if that ain't the consensus' view, let's put it to a vote." "Suits me." "I'm votin' for yours truly." "Well, I'm voting for yours truly, too." "Okay, I'm with you fellas." "Mind if we join you, old-timer?" "Join me, my sons, join me." "You work for the railroad, Grandpa?" " I work for no man." "You got a name, do you?" "I have no name." "That right there may be the reason you had difficulty finding employment." "In the mart of competitive commerce" "You seek a great fortune you three who are now in chains." "You will find a fortune though it will not be the fortune you seek." "But, first you must travel a long and difficult road." "A road fraught with peril." "You shall see things wonderful to tell." "You shall see a cow on the roof of a cotton house." "And so many startling sights." "I cannot tell you how long this road shall be but fear not the obstacles in your path for fate has vouchsafed your reward." "Though the road may wind and yea your hearts grow weary still shall ye follow the way." "Even unto your salvation." "The treasure's still there, boys, believe me." "But how did he know about the treasure?" "Don't know, Delmar." "The blind are reputed to have sensitivities compensating for their lack of sight even to the point of developing paranormal psychic powers." "Clearly, seeing into the future would fall neatly into that category." "It's not so surprising then that an organism deprived of its earthly vision" "He said we wouldn't get it." "We wouldn't get the treasure we seek." "On account of our obstacles." "What the hell does he know?" "He's an ignorant old man." "Jesus, Pete." "I told you I'd buried it myself." "If your cousin still has this here horse farm a forge and some shoeing impedimenta to restore our liberty of movement" "Hold it right there!" "You men from the bank?" "You Wash's boy?" "Yes, sir." "And Daddy told me I'm to shoot whoever's from the bank!" "Well, we ain't from the bank, young fella." "Yes, sir." "I'm also suppose to shoot folks serving papers!" "We ain't got no papers, neither." "I nicked the census man." "Now there's a good boy." "Is your daddy about?" "Hello, Pete, who are your friends?" "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Hogwallop." "My name's Ulysses Everett McGill." " And I'm Delmar O'Donnell." "How ya been, Wash?" "Been what, 12, 13 years?" "I expect you want them chains knocked off." "They foreclosed on Cousin Vester." "He hanged himself a year come May." "And Uncle Ratliff?" "The anthrax took most of his cows." "The rest don't milk, and he lost a boy to mumps." "Where's Cora, Cousin Wash?" "Couldn't say." "Mrs. Hogwallop up and R-U-N-N-O-F-T." "She must've been looking for answers." "Possibly." "Good riddance, as far as I'm concerned." "I do miss her cookin', though." "This stew's awful good." "You think so?" "I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday." "I'm afraid she's starting to turn." "Well, that winds up tonight's:" "Pass the Biscuits, Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour." "This is Pappy O'Daniel, hopin' you folks have been enjoyin' that old-timey music." "And remember:" "When you're fryin' up some flapjacks, or baking a mess of biscuits use cool, clear water, and good, pure Pappy O'Daniel flour." "Well, I guess I'll be turning in." "Say, Cousin Wash I suppose it'd be the acme of foolishness to enquire if you had a hairnet?" "I got a bunch in yond bureau." "Mrs. Hogwallop's, as a matter of fact." "Help yourself." "I won't be needing them." "All right, boys!" "How's my hair?" "It's the authorities!" "We got you surrounded." "Damn!" "We're in a tight spot." "Just come on out and grab at air!" "And don't try nothing fancy." "Your situation is pretty hopeless." "Damn!" "We're in a tight spot." "What in the sam hill?" " Pete's cousin turned us in for the bounty." "The hell you say." "Wash is kin." " Sorry, Pete!" "I know we're kin, but they got this depression on." "I got to do for me and mine." "I'm going to kill you!" "Judas Iscariot Hogwallop!" "You miserable horse-eatin' son of a bitch!" "Damn!" "We're in a tight spot." "Damn his eyes!" "Pa always said "Never trust a Hogwallop."" "Come and get us, coppers!" "You boys ain't leaving' us no choice but to smoke you out." " Damn!" "We're in a tight spot." "Light her up." " What we gonna do?" "Hold on, boys!" "Ain't you ever heard of negotiating?" "Maybe we can talk this thing out." "I hate fire." "You lousy, low-down, yellow-bellied skunks!" "Hold on, we gotta speak with one voice here." "Careful with that fire, boys!" "That's enough, Officer." "I hate fire." "Go to hell!" "Holy St. Christopher!" "Get away from that vehicle, champ." "She's lickin' fire." "Take cover, boys!" "That ain't popcorn!" "Scatter, boys!" "Get in, boys." "I'm gonna R-U-N-N-O-F-T." "Come on, boys!" "Come on!" "What are you doing here?" "You ought to be in bed." "You ain't the boss of me." "You candy-butted, car-thievin' so-and-sos!" "I curse your names!" "Go back home and mind your pa." "What's the damn problem?" "I can get the part from Bristol." "It'll take two weeks." "Here's your pomade." "Two weeks?" "That isn't any good." " Nearest Ford auto man is in Bristol." "Hold on now, I don't want this pomade." "I want Dapper Dan." "I don't carry Dapper Dan." "I carry Fop." "Well, I don't want Fop." "Goddamn it!" "I'm a Dapper Dan man." "Watch your language, young man, this is a public market." "Now, if you want Dapper Dan, I'll order it." "You'll have it in a couple of weeks." "Ain't this place a geographical oddity, two weeks from everywhere." "Forget it." "Just the dozen hairnets." "Well, it didn't look like a one-horse town but try finding a decent hair jelly." "Gopher, Everett?" " And no transmission belt for two weeks." "They dam that river on the 21st." "Today's the 17th." "Don't I know it?" "We got four days to get to that treasure." "After that it'll be at the bottom of a lake." "We ain't gonna make it walkin'." " That's right." "Gopher, Everett?" " But the old tactician's got a plan." "For the transportation, that is." "Don't know how I'll keep my coiffure in order." "How is this a plan?" "How we gonna get a car?" "Sell that." "I figure it could only have painful association for Wash." ""To Washington Bartholomew Hogwallop."" ""From his loving Cora." ""Amor fidelis."" "It was in his bureau." "I reckon it will fetch us enough cash for a good, used voiture, and a little left over." "You got some light fingers there, Everett." "Gopher?" "You miserable little sneak." "You stole from my kin." "Who was fixing to betray us." " You didn't know that at the time." "So I borrowed it till I did know." "That don't make no sense." "It's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart." "Now...." "What the hell is that singing?" "It appears to be some kind of a congregation." "Care for some gopher?" "No, thank you, Delmar." "A third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without bedding her back down." "You can have the whole thing." "Me and Pete already had one." "We ran across a whole gopher village." "Well, I guess hard times flush the chump." "Everybody's looking for answers." "Where the hell is he going?" "Well, I'll be a son of a bitch." "Delmar's been saved." "Well, that's it, boys, I've been redeemed." "The preacher has washed away all my sins and transgressions." "It's the straight and narrow from here on out." "And heaven everlasting is my reward." "What are you talking about?" "We got bigger fish to fry." "The preacher said all my sins are washed away." "Including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo." "I thought you said you were innocent of those charges?" "Well, I was lying." "And the preacher said that sin's been washed away, too." "Neither God nor man has got nothing on me, now." "Come on in, boys, the water is fine." "The preacher said it absolved us." " For him, not for the law." "I'm surprised." "I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar." "But there were witnesses seen us redeemed." "That's not the issue, Delmar." "Even if it squares you with the Lord Mississippi is more hard-nosed." "You should have joined us, Everett." "It couldn't have hurt none." "Hell, at least it would've washed away the stink of that pomade." "Join you two fools in a silly superstition?" "Thank you, anyway." "And I like the smell of my hair treatment." "The pleasing odor is half the point." "Baptism." "You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers." "I guess you're just my cross to bear" " Pull over, Everett." "Let's give that colored boy a lift." "You folks going past Tishomingo?" "Sure, hop in." "How you doing, son?" "Name's Everett." "These two soggy sons of bitches are Pete and Delmar." "Keep your fingers from Pete's mouth, he ain't eaten for 13 years except for prison food, gopher, and a little greasy horse." "Thanks for the lift, sir." "My name's Tommy." "Tommy Johnson." "How you doing, Tommy?" "I haven't seen a house out here for miles." "What are you doing out in the middle of nowhere?" "I had to be at that there crossroads last midnight to sell my soul to the Devil." "Ain't it a small world, spiritually speaking'?" "Pete and Delmar have just been baptized and saved." "I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated." "This ain't no laughing matter, Everett." " What'd the Devil give you for your soul?" "He taught me to play this here guitar real good." "For that you traded your everlasting soul?" "Well, I wasn't using it." "I've always wondered:" "What does the Devil look like?" "Of course, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete but great Satan himself is red and scaly, with a bifurcated tail and carries a hayfork." "No, sir." "He's white." "As white as you folks." "With empty eyes, and a big hollow voice." "He loves to travel around with a mean old hound." "And he told you to go to Tishomingo?" "No, sir, that was my idea." "I heard there's a man down there, he pays folks money to sing into his can." "They say he pays extra if you play real good." "Tishomingo?" "How much he pay?" "All right, boys, follow my lead." "Hello?" "Who's the honcho around here?" "I am." "Who are you?" "Well, sir, I'm Jordan Rivers." "These here are the Soggy Bottom Boys outta Cottonelia, Mississippi." "Songs of salvation to salve the soul." "We hear that you pay good money to sing into a can." "Well, that all depends." "You boys do Negro songs?" "Sir, we are Negroes." "All except our accompaniment." "The fella that plays the guitar." "Yeah, well, I don't record Negro songs." "I'm looking for some old-timey material." "People can't seem to get enough of it since we started broadcasting it on the Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour." "So thank you for stopping by." "The Soggy Bottom Boys have been steeped in old-timey material." "Heck, we're silly with it, ain't we, boys?" " That's right!" "That's right." "We ain't really Negroes." "Except for our accompanist." ""I'm a man of constant sorrow"" ""I've seen trouble all my days"" ""I bid farewell to old Kentucky"" ""The place where I was born and raised"" ""The place where he was born and raised"" ""For six long years"" ""I've been in trouble"" ""No pleasure here on Earth, I've found"" ""For in this world"" ""I'm bound to ramble"" ""I have no friends to help me now"" ""He has no friends to help him now"" ""Maybe your friends think"" ""I'm just a stranger"" ""My face you'll never see no more"" ""But there is one promise that is given"" ""I'll meet you on God's golden shore"" ""He'll meet you on God's golden shore"" "Hot damn, son, I do believe you did sell your soul to the Devil." "Boys, that was some mighty fine pickin' and singin'!" "I'll tell you what." "You come on in here you sign these papers here." "I'm gonna give you $10 a piece." "Okay, but Mert and Aloysius'll have to sign X's, only four of us can write." "That'll be fine." "Mister, I don't mean to be telling tales out of school but there's a fella in there who'll pay you $10 if you sing into his can." "I'm not here to make a record, dummy." "They broadcast me out on the radio." "That's Governor Menelaus, "Pass the Biscuits, Pappy O'Daniel."" "And he'd appreciate it if you ate his farina and voted him a second term." "Finest governor Mississippi ever had!" "In any state." "Lord, yes, every parish or precinct." "He was making a bigger point." "Ain't you going to press the flesh?" "Do some politicking'?" "I'll press your flesh, you dimwitted son of a bitch!" "Don't tell your Pappy how to court the electorate." "We ain't one-at-a-timin' here." "We're mass communicating!" "Yes, that's a powerful new force." "Shake a leg, Junior." "Thank God your mama died giving' birth." "If she'd seen you she'd have died of shame." "Hi, there, how you doing?" "We best bed down here for the night." "Yeah, it stinks in that old barn." "Suits me." "Pretty soon it'll be nothin' but feather beds and silk sheets." "$1 million." "$1.2 million." "$500,000 each." "$400,000, Delmar." "What are you going to do with your share?" "Go out West somewhere." "Open a fine restaurant." "I'm going to be the maïtre d'." "Greet all the swells go to work everyday in a bow tie, tuxedo." "And all the staff say, "Yes, sir..." ""...no, sir" and "in a jiffy, Pete."" "And all my meals for free." "What about you, Delmar?" "What are you going to do with your share of that dough?" "Visit them foreclosing son of a guns down at the Indianola Savings and Loans and slap that money on the barrelhead and buy back the family farm." "You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land." "What about you, Everett?" "What'd you have in mind when you stole it in the first place?" "Didn't have no plan." "Well, that hardly sounds like you." "All right, boys!" "It's the authorities!" "Your situation is pretty hopeless." "Damn, they found our car." "We ain't got the time orinclination to gentle you boys any further!" "Damn, we got to skedaddle." "I left my pomade in the car." "Maybe I can creep up" "Don't be a fool, Everett." "We got to R-U-N-N-O-F-T." "Where's Tommy?" "Already let out." "Scared out of his wits." "Let's go." "The hell it ain't square one." "Ain't no one gonna pick up three filthy unshaved hitchhikers." "And one of them a know-it-all who can't keep his trap shut." "The personal rancor in that remark, I don't intend to dignify with comment." "But I'd like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism." "Consider the lilies of the goddamn field." "Or, hell, take a look at Delmar here as your paradigm of hope." "Yeah, look at me." "You may call it an unreasoning optimism, you may call it obtuse but the plain and simple fact is that we got close to three days before they dam that river." "Is this the road to ltta Bena?" "Itta Bena?" "Isn't that...." "If you stay on this here road" " No, that ain't right." "Take this road" " No, that ain't right." "Seems to me there's a road, a cow road, that used to lead all the way...." "That ain't right either." " Hop on in while you give it a think." "Any of you boys know your way around a Walther PPK?" "Well, see, that's where we can't help ya." "I don't believe it's in Mississippi." "Friend, some of your folding money has come unstowed." "Just stuff it down in that sack, will ya?" "You boys aren't bad men, I take it?" "Well, it's funny you should ask." "I was bad till yesterday." "But me and Pete here have been saved." "I'm Delmar, and that there is Everett." "George Nelson." "It's a pleasure." "Grab the tiller, would ya, buddy?" "Hand me that chopper." "Say, what line of work are you in, George?" "Come and get me, coppers!" "You flatfooted, lame-brained, soft-assed, sons of bitches!" "No one can catch me." "I'm George Nelson!" "I'm bigger than any John Law that ever lived." "I'm 10-and-a-half-feet tall and ain't yet fully grown." "Cows." "I hate cows worse than coppers." "Oh, George, not the livestock." "Come on, you miserable sons of bitches!" "Come and get me!" "Come on, boys, we're going for the record." "Three banks in two hours." "Okay, folks, hold the applause and drop your drawers!" "I'm George Nelson and I'm here to sack the city of ltta Bena." "He's a live wire, though, ain't he?" "All the money in the bag." "What are you looking at, Grandpa?" "Pardon me, George." "You got a plan for getting out of here?" "Sure, boys here's my plan." "They ain't never seen ordnance like this." "Thank you, folks." "And remember:" "Jesus saves, but George Nelson withdraws." "Go fetch the auto voiture, Pete." "That's Babyface Nelson." "Who said that?" "What ignorant, low-down, slanderizing son of a bitch said that?" "My name is George Nelson, get me?" "She didn't mean nothing by it, George." "George Nelson!" "Not Babyface!" "You remember." "And you tell your friends:" "I'm George Nelson." "Born to raise hell." "That was some fun now, wasn't it, George?" "Yeah." "Almost makes me wish I hadn't been saved." "Jackin' up banks." "I can see how a fella could derive a lot of pleasure and satisfaction out of it." "It's okay." "I'm takin' off." "You boys might as well keep my share of the riches." "Where are you going, George?" "I don't know." "Who cares?" "What do you suppose is eatin' George?" "They say that with the thrill-seeking personality, what goes up, must come down." "Top of the world one minute, haunted by megrims the next." "Yes, sir, it's as if our old friend George is an alley cat." "And his own damn humors are swingin' him by the tail." "I wouldn't worry, Delmar." "He'll be back on top again." "I don't think we've seen the last of George Nelson." "Don't be saps for Pappy." "Homer Stokes for governor." "Let's sweep this state clean." "Vote for Stokes, brothers." "Hang on, I'm gonna slap one on here." "Here's my cousin Ezzard's niece, Eudora, from out of Greenwood, doin' a number with her cousin Tom-Tom, which I predict you're gonna enjoy." "What can I do for you, Mr. French?" "How can I lay a hold of them Soggy Bottom Boys?" "Soggy Bottom?" "I don't precisely recollect them." "They cut a record in here, a few days ago with an old-timey, harmony thing with a guitar accompaniment." "Oh, I remember them." "Colored fellas, I believe." "Yes, sir, they're a fine bunch of boys." "They sang into yonder can and skedaddled." "Well, that record is just going through the goddamn roof." "They're playing it as far away as Mobile." " No?" "The whole damn state's goin' ape." "Well, it was a powerful air." "Hot damn, we gotta find them boys and sign them to a big fat contract." "Hell's bells, Mr. Lunn, if we don't, the goddamn competition will." "Mercy, we gotta beat that competition." " Yes, sir." "Do you have the Soggy Bottom Boys performing Man of Constant Sorrow?" "No." "We got a new shipment in yesterday, but we can't keep them on the shelves." "Shut up, Delmar." "Pull over!" "I guess old Pete's got the itch." "How do you do, ladies?" "Name is Pete." "Ain't you gonna introduce us, Pete?" " I don't know their names, I seen 'em first." "Afternoon, ladies." "My name is Ulysses Everett McGill." "Well, you three ladies are about the prettiest water lilies I've ever...." "Corn liquor." "My hair!" "Look at this." "Where the heck are ya?" "We ain't got time for hide-and-seek." "We ain't got time for you shenanigans." "Sweet Jesus, Everett." "They left his heart." "What the heck has got into you?" " Can't you see it?" "Them sirens did this to Pete." "They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad." "It's me, Delmar." "What are we going to do?" "I'm not sure that's Pete." " Of course it's Pete." "Look at him." "We got to find some kind of wizard to change him back." "I'm just not sure that's Pete." "You can't display a toad in a fine restaurant like this while the good folks here go right off their feed." "I just don't think it's right keeping' him under wraps, like we're ashamed of him." "If it is Pete, I am ashamed of him." "The way I see it, he got what he deserved." "Fornicating with some whore of Babylon." "These things don't happen for no reason, Delmar." "It's obviously a judgment on Pete's character." " Well, the two of us was fixing to fornicate." "You're going to have to excuse my rusticated friend unaccustomed as he is to city manners and all." "We'll have ourselves a couple of steaks and some gratinated potatoes and wash it down with your finest bubbly wine." "I don't suppose you have any nits or grubs back in the pantry?" "No, just bring us a couple of leaves of raw cabbage." "Yes, sir." " Thank you." "That barnyard" " I don't believe I've seen you before." "Allow me to introduce myself." "Name of Daniel Teague." "Known in these precincts as Big Dan Teague." "Or to those pressed for time, Big Dan Tout Court!" "How you doing, Big Dan?" "My name's Ulysses Everett McGill." "This is my associate Delmar O'Donnell." "I detect, like me you're endowed with the gift of the gab." "I flatter myself that such is the case." "In my line of work it's plumb necessary." "The one thing you don't want is air in the conversation." "Once again, we find ourselves in agreement." "What kind of work do you do, Big Dan?" " Sales, Mr. McGill!" "And what do I sell?" "The truth." "Every blessed word of it." "From Genesis on down to Revelations." "That's right, the word of God which, let me say, there's good money in, during these times of woe and want." "People are looking for answers and Big Dan sells the only book that's got 'em." "And what do you do, you and your tongue-tied friend?" "We're...." "We are adventurers, sir." "Currently pursuing' an opportunity." "But we're open to others as well." "I like your style." "I'm going to propose you a proposition." "You cover my bill so I don't have to go back upstairs." "Get your waitress to wrap your dinner and we'll retire to more private environs where I'll tell you of the vast amounts of money to be made in the service of God." "Why not?" "If nothing else I could use some civilized conversation." "Don't forget your shoebox, friend." "Languishing!" "Goddamn campaign is languishing!" "We need a shot in the arm." "You hear me, boys?" "ln the goddamn arm!" "If the election was held tomorrow, that Stokes would win it in a walk!" "He's the reform candidate, Daddy." "Yeah?" "Well, people like that reform." "Maybe we should get us some." " I'll reform you, you son of a bitch." "How we gonna run reform, when we're the damn incumbent?" "Is that the best idea you boys can come up with?" "Reform?" "Weepin' Jesus on the cross!" "You may as well start draftin' my concession speech right now." "Okay, Pappy." "I'm just making a point, you idiot." "Give me my hat, hurry up!" "Pappy's just making a point." " Shut up!" "Thank you for that fricassee." "I'm a man with a large appetite and even with a lunch under my belt I was feelin' a mite peckish." "It's our pleasure, Big Dan." "Thank you, as well, for the conversational hiatus." "I generally refrain from speech during gustation." "There are those who attempt both at the same time." "I find it coarse and vulgar." "Where were we?" "Makin' money in the Lord's service." "You don't say much, but when you do it's to the point and I salute you for it." "Bible sales." "Now the trade is not a complicated one." "There are but two things to learn." "One: being where to find a wholesaler." "The word of God in bulk as it were." "Two: how to recognize your customer." "Who are you dealing with?" "It's an exercise in psychology, so to speak." "And it is that which I propose to give you a lesson in right now." "I like to think I'm a pretty astute observer of the human scene, too." "No doubt, brother." "I figured as much back at the restaurant." "That's why I invited you all out here for this advanced tutorial." "What's going on, Big Dan?" " It's all about the money, boys!" "That's the answer." "Dough, re, mi!" "I don't get it, Big Dan." "Now, I'll just take your show card...." "And whatever you got in the hole." "What?" "There ain't nothing but a damn toad." "You don't understand, that's Pete." "Do you know these things give you warts?" "End of lesson." "So long, boys." "See you in the funny paper." "You all seen the end of Big Dan Teague." "Where are they?" "Talk, you unreconstructed whelp of a whore!" "Where they headed?" "Your screams ain't gonna save your flesh." "Only your tongue is, boy." "Now, where are they headed?" "Lump." "I.O." "Sweet summer rain." "Like God's own mercy." "Your two friends have abandoned you, Pete." "They don't seem to care about your hide." "Okay." "Stairway to heaven, Pete." "We shall all meet, by and by." "Goddamn it!" "God forgive me!" "Believe me, Delmar, he would've wanted us to press on." "Pete, rest his soul was one sour-assed son of a bitch and not given to acts of pointless sentimentality." "It just don't seem right, digging' up that treasure without him." "Maybe it was for the best that he was squished." "He was barely a sentient being." "As soon as we get ourselves cleaned up, get a little smell'um in our hair we're going to feel 100 percent better about ourselves and about life in general." "We must be near Parchman Farm." "Sorry sons of bitches." "Seems like a year ago we bust off the farm." "Pete got a brother?" "Not that I'm aware of." "Heat must be gettin' to me." ""Though the storm and its furies rage today"" ""Crushing hope that we cherish so dear"" ""The cloud and storm will in time pass away"" ""And the sun again will shine bright and clear"" ""Keep on the sunny side always on the sunny side"" ""Keep on the sunny side of life"" ""It will help us every day"" ""It will brighten all the way"" ""If you keep on the sunny side of life"" ""If you keep on the sunny side of life"" "That was wonderful." "Now, I know, the Sunny Siders would agree with me when I say that the greatstate of Mississippi can not afford four more years of Pappy O' Daniel." "Four more years of cronyism!" "Nepotism!" "Rascalism!" "And service to the interests." "Now, the choice, she is clear." "Pappy O'Daniel, slave of the interests." "Homer Stokes, servant of the little man." "Ain't that right, little fella?" " He ain't lying'." "And ladies and gentlemen the little man has admonished me to grasp the broom of reform and sweep this state clean." "It's gonna be:" ""Back to the flour mill, Pappy."" "The interests can take care of themselves." "Come Tuesday, we're gonna sweep the rascals out." "Clean government, yours for the asking." "Now, the Little Wharvey Gals." ""Wharvey Gals"?" "Did he just say "Little Wharvey Gals"?" "Come here, girls, what are you gonna sing for us?" "In the Highways." "In the Highways." "Goddamn it all." "You know them gals?" ""In the highways, in the hedges"" ""In the highways, in the hedges"" ""I'll be somewhere workin' for my Lord"" ""I'll be somewhere workin'"" ""I'll be somewhere workin' for my Lord"" ""I'll be somewhere workin'"" ""I'll be somewhere workin' for my Lord"" "Girls." " Daddy!" "Daddy?" "He ain't our daddy." "Hell, I ain't!" "What's this Wharvey Gals?" "Your name's McGill." "No, sir, not since you got hit by that train." "What are you sayin'?" "I wasn't hit by a train." "Mama says you was hit by a train." "Blooey." " Nothin' left." "Just a grease spot on the LN." "Damn it, I wasn't hit by any train." "That's right, now Mama's got us back to Wharvey." "That's her maiden name." "You got a maiden name, Daddy?" "No, Daddy don't have a maiden name" "That's your misfortune." "That's right, and now Mama's got a new beau." "He's a suitor." "Yeah, I heard about that." "Mama says he's bona fide." "He give her a ring?" "Yes, sir, a big one." "Gotta gem." " Mama checked it." "It's bona fide." "He's a suitor." " What's his name?" "Vernon T. Waldrip." "Uncle Vernon." " Until tomorrow." "Then he's gonna be Daddy." "I am the only daddy you got!" "I'm the damn paterfamilias." "But you ain't bona fide." "Where's your mama?" "She's at the Five 'n' Dime." "Buyin' nipples." "Daddy!" " Hello, sugar." "How's my little girl?" "Who the hell is that?" " Starla Wharvey." "Starla McGill, you mean." "How come you never told me about her?" "Because you was hit by a train." "Why are you tellin' our gals I was hit by a train?" "Many respectable people have been hit by trains." "Judge Hobby, over in Cookeville, was hit by a train." "What was I to tell them?" "That you were sent to the penal farm and I divorced you from shame?" "I take your point." "But it leaves me in a awkward position vis-à-vis my progeny." "Hello, Penny." "This gentleman bothering you?" "You Waldrip?" "That's right." "You been using my hair treatment?" "Your hair treatment?" "Excuse me." "I got news for you, in case you hadn't noticed." "I wasn't hit by a train." "And I have traveled many a weary mile to be back with my wife and my six daughters." "Seven, Daddy." "That ain't your daddy." "Your daddy was hit by a train." "Penny, you stop that." " No, you stop it." "Vernon, here, has got a job, prospects." "He's bona fide." "What are you?" "I'll tell you what I am, I'm the paterfamilias." "And you can't marry him." " I can, I am, and I will." "Tomorrow." "I got to think about the Wharvey gals." "They look to me for answers." "Vernon can support them and buy them lessons on the clarinet." "Only good thing you ever did for them was get hit by that train." "Why, you lyin' unconstant, succubus." "You can't swear at my fiancée." " Yeah?" "Well, you can't marry my wife." "Who is that man?" "He's not my husband." "Just a drifter, I guess." "Just some no-account drifter." "And stay out of the Woolworths." "Say, I'll bet she does imitations, too." "Deceitful, two-faced, she-woman." "Never trust a female, Delmar." "Remember that one precept and your time with me will not have been ill-spent." "Okay, Everett." ""Hit by a train." Truth means nothin' to a woman, Delmar." "Triumph of the subjective." "You ever been with a woman?" "Well...." "I gotta get the family farm back before I can start thinkin' about that." "That's right, if then." "Believe me, Delmar." "Woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to be devil the days of man." "Everett, I never figured you for a paterfamilias." "Yes." "I've spread my seed." "Look what it's...." "What the hell is going on?" "Okay, boys." "Enjoy your picture show." "Do not seek the treasure." "Do not seek the treasure." "It's a bushwhack." "They're fixin' an ambush." "Do not seek the treasure." "We thought you was a toad." "We thought you was a toad." "Do not seek the treasure." "Quiet there!" "Watch the picture!" "I signed that bill." "I signed a dozen of those agriculture bills." "Everyone knows I'm a friend of the farmer." "What have I got to do, start diddling' the livestock?" "We can't do that, Daddy." "We might offend our constituency." "We ain't got a constituency." "Stokes has got a constituency!" "Well, it's a well-run campaign." "Midget and broom and whatnot." "Devil his due." " Hell of an organization." "Say, I got an idea." "What's that, Junior?" "We could hire us a little fella even smaller than Stokes's." "You slope-shouldered sack of nuts!" "We'd look like a bunch of Johnny-come-latelies." "Braggin' on our own midget." "Don't matter how stumpy." "That's the goddamn problem, right there." "People think this Stokes has got fresh ideas." "He's au courant and we're the past." "It's a problem of...." " Perception." "The reason he's pullin' our pants down." "Gonna paddle a little behind." " Ain't gonna paddle." "Gonna kick it, real hard." "No, I believe he's gonna paddle it." "That's not a proper description." "Well, that's how I'd characterize it." "I believe it's more of a kickin' situation." "God forgive me I could not gaze upon that far shore." "Pete." "Hold still." "Can't stand much longer." "It was a moment of weakness." "Quit babbling'." "We got to skedaddle." "That's all I got." "They lured me out for a bathe, then they dunked me and trussed me up like a hog." "And turned me in for the bounty." "Should have guessed it, typical womanly behavior." "Just lucky we left before they came back for us." "We didn't abandon you, Pete." "We just thought you was a toad." "No, they never did turn me into a toad." "Well, that was our mistake, then." "And we was beat up by a Bible salesman and banished from Woolworths." "I don't know, Everett, was it the one branch or all of them?" "Well, I ain't had it easy either, boys." "Frankly, well, I spilled my guts about the treasure." "I'm awful sorry I betrayed you fellas." "Must be my Hogwallop blood." "That's all right, Pete." "Awful white of you to take it like that, Everett." "I feel wretched, spoiling' your play for $1.2 million." "It's been eatin' at my guts." "That's all right." "You boys are true friends." "You my boon companions." "Pete, I don't want you to beat yourself up about this." "I can't help it, but that's a wonderful thing to say." "Fact of the matter is damn it, there ain't no treasure." "Fact of the matter is there never was." "So where's all the money from the armored-car job?" "I never knocked over no armored car." "I was sent up for practicing law without a license." "But...." " Damn it, I had to bust out." "My wife wrote me she was gettin' married." "I gotta stop it." "I had two weeks left of my sentence." "I couldn't wait two weeks, she's getting married tomorrow." "With my added time for the escape I don't get out now until 1987." "Now, I am sorry about that." "I'll be 84 years old." "I guess they'll tack on 50 years for me, too." "Boys, we was chained together." "I had to tell you something." "Bustin' out alone was not an option." "Sorry." "84 years old." "Well, I'll only be 82." "You ruined my life." "You ruined my life." "I do apologize about that, Pete." "84 years old." "I'll be gumming' pabulum." "Now, boys." "Boys." "It's Tommy." "They got Tommy." "Oh, my God." "The noose." "Sweet Jesus, we got to save him." "A color guard." "Brothers!" "Brothers!" "We are forgathered here to preserve our hallowed culture and heritage from intrusion inclusion and dilution of color, of creed and of our old-time religion." "We aim to pull evil up by the root before it chokes out the flower of our culture and heritage." "And our women." "Let's not forget those ladies, y'all." "Looking to us for protection from Darkies, from Jews, from Papists and from all those smart-ass folks say we come descended from monkeys." "That's not my culture and heritage." "Is that your culture and heritage?" " No." "So, we gonna hang us a Negra." "I ain't never harmed you." "Neither of you gentlemen." "I never harmed nobody." "We've come to rescue you." "That's mighty kind of you, but I don't think nothing is gonna save me now." "The Devil's come to collect his due." "Don't be crazy, Tommy, you don't wanna get hanged." "No, I don't reckon I do but that's the way it seems to be workin' out." "Listen, Tommy, I got a plan." "That color guard is colored." "Who made them the color guard?" "Run, boys!" "No, son." "Can't let that flag touch the ground." "Get your hand off me, I can do this myself." "Get away." "I didn't tell you to sit over here." "I'm saying we should hire this man away." " That's a good idea." "Great idea." " Can't beat 'em, join 'em." "Have him join us, run our campaign, instead of that egghead's." "Enticements of power, wealth, et cetera." "No one says no to Pappy O'Daniel." "Oh, gracious, no, not with his blandishments." "Powers of persuasion." " What's his name again?" "Campaign manager?" " Yes." "Waldrip." " Vernon Waldrip." "Vernon T. Waldrip." "It's an invitation-only affair." "We'll have to sneak in at the service entrance." "Hold on." "Wait a minute." "Who elected you leader of this outfit?" "Since we've been following your lead we've got nothing but trouble." "I got this close to being strung up and consumed in a fire, and whipped no end and sun-stroked, and soggied." "And turned into a frog." " He wasn't turned into a frog." "Almost loved up though." "So you're against me now, too." "Is that how it is, boys?" "The whole world, and God almighty, and now you." "Guess I deserve it." "Boys, I know that I made some tactical mistakes but if you just stick with me." "I got a plan, believe me, boys, we can fix this thing." "And I can get my wife back and we can get out of here." "Goddamn disgrace!" "Made a travesty of the entire evening." "Oh, what I wouldn't give to get ahold of those agitators." "I mean, whoever heard of such behavior?" "Even amongst the colored." "Or mulattos, maybe." "I suspect some miscegenation in the heritage." "How else you gonna explain it?" "Using the Confederate flag as a missile." "No one's ever gonna believe we're a real band." "This'll work." "I need to get close enough to talk to her." "Coming with us has more future than marrying a guy named Waldrip." "I'm goddamn bona fide." "I've got the answers." "Everett, my beard itches." "In the Jailhouse Now, fellas." "Neighborhood of B." "It's me." "No." ""I had a friend named rambling Bob"" ""He use to steal, gamble and rob"" ""He thought he was the smartest guy around"" ""Well, I found out"" "We're leaving the state, pursuing opportunities in another venue." "I've got big plans." "Not minstrelsy." "This here's just a dodge." "I'm gonna be a dentist." "I know this guy who will print me up a license." ""He's in the jailhouse now"" ""Well, I told him once or twice"" ""Stop playing cards and shooting dice"" ""He's in the jailhouse now"" ""Bob liked to play his poker"" "Well, that is an improper suggestion." "I can't switch sides in the middle of a campaign." "Especially to work for a man who lacks moral fiber." "Moral fiber!" "You pasty-faced son of a bitch." "I invented moral fiber." "Pappy O'Daniel was displaying rectitude and high-mindedness while that egghead you work for was still messin' his drawers." "Go away." "I wanna be what you want me to be, honey." "I want you and the gals to come with me." ""Started playing cards and shooting dice"" "What you doing here, Pappy?" "I guess someone let on we was giving out liquor." "You'll be laughing out the other side of your face come November." "Pappy O'Daniel will be laughing then." " Not out the other side of his face, though." "No." "Just the regular side." "They're my daughters too, Penny." "Ain't you ever heard" ""In constant sorrow"" ""All through his days"" ""I'm a man of constant sorrow"" ""I've seen trouble all my days"" "It's the Soggy Bottom Boys!" ""I bid farewell to old Kentucky"" ""The place where I was born and raised"" ""The place where he was born and raised"" "Holy Moly!" "These boys are a hit." "But, Pappy, they are integrated." "Wait a minute." "Well, I guess folks don't mind integration." "You're miscegenated." "All you boys is miscegenated." "Give me a microphone." "These boys is not white." "These boys is not white." "Hell, they ain't even old-timey." "I happen to know, ladies and gentlemen that this band of miscreants here, this very evening interfered with a lynch mob, in the performance of its duties." "It's true." "See, I belong to a certain secret society, I don't believe I got to mention its name." "Let 'em play, I wanna hear them sing." "And these boys here they trampled all over our venerated observances and rituals." "Now, this here music is over." "Listen to me." "These boys desecrated a fiery cross." "And they're convicts, folks." "Fugitives escaped off the farm." "Now, folks, these boys have got to be remanded to the authorities." "Criminals!" "And I have it from the highest authority that Negra sold his soul to the Devil." "Now wait a minute, folks." "It's true." "Is you is, oris you ain't my constituency?" "Is you is, oris you ain't my constituency?" "Is you is" "Is you is or is you ain't my constituency?" "No!" "It's over now." "This is not necessary." "Come on." ""It's fare thee well, my own true lover"" ""I never expect to see you again"" ""For I'm bound to ride that northern railroad"" ""Perhaps I'll die upon that train"" ""Perhaps he'll die upon that train"" "Goddamn!" "Opportunity knocks." "Get out of my way!" ""I'm just a stranger"" ""A face you'll never see no more"" ""But there is one promise thatis given"" ""I'll meet you on God's golden shore"" ""He'll meet you on God's golden shore"" "That's fine." "Ladies and gentleman here and listenin' at home." "The great state of Mississippi Pappy O'Daniel, Governor wants to thank the Soggy Bottom Boys for that wonderful performance." "Now, it looks like the only man in this great state who ain't a music lover is my esteemed opponent in the upcoming', Homer Stokes." "Well, there ain't no accounting for taste." "Its ounded to me like he was harborin' a grudge against the Soggy Bottom Boys on account of their rough and rowdy past." "Looks like Homer Stokes is the kind of fella who wants to cast the first stone." "Well, I'm with you folks, I'm a forgive-and-forget Christian." "And I say:" "If their rambunctiousness and misdemeanoring is behind them...." "It is, ain't it, boys?" "Yes, sir, it is." "Well, I say, by the power vested in me these boys is hereby pardoned." "Furthermore in the second Pappy O'Daniel administration these boys is gonna be my brain trust." "What does that mean, Everett?" "Delmar, it means you and me and Pete and Tommy are gonna be the power behind the throne, so to speak." "Okay." "So without further ado, and by way of endorsing' my candidacy the Soggy Bottom Boys is gonna lead us all in a chorus of:" "You Are My Sunshine." "Ain't ya, boys?" "Governor, it's one of our favorites." "Son, you're gonna go far." ""You are my sunshine, my only sunshine"" ""You make me happy when skies are gray"" ""You'll never know, dear how much I love you"" ""Please don't take my sunshine away"" "I guess Vernon T. Waldrip is gonna be goin' on relief." "Maybe I can throw a little patronage his way." "Get him a job digging' ditches or rounding' up stray dogs." "So is the marriage off then, Miss Wharvey?" "McGill." "No, the marriage will take place as planned." "Little change of cast." "Me and the little lady are gonna pick up the pieces and retie the knot, metaphorically speaking." "You boys are invited of course." "Hell, you're the best men." "Already got the rings." "Where's your ring, honey?" " I ain't worn it since our divorce." "Must be in the roll-top in our old cabin." "Never thought I'd need it." "Vernon bought one, encrusted with jewels." "Now's the time to buy it off him, cheap." "We ain't getting married with his ring." "You said you'd changed." "Yours is just an old pewter thing." " There ain't gonna be no wedding'." "It's just a symbol." " No wedding'." "We'll go fetch it with ya, Everett." "Shut up, Delmar." "It's just a symbol...." "I've spoken my piece and counted to three." "She counted to three." "Goddamn it." "She counted to three." "Son of a bitch!" "You have any idea how far that cabin is?" "George?" "Hello." "Well, these men finally caught up with the criminal of the century." "Looks like the chair for George Nelson." "Gonna electrify me." "I'm gonna go off like a Roman candle!" "20,000 volts chasing a rabbit through yours truly." "Goddamn, I'm gonna suck all the power right out of the state." "Gonna shoot sparks outta the top of my head and lightning' from my fingertips." "I'm George Nelson, and I'm feelin' 10 feet tall!" "Looks like George is right back on top again." "Cow-killer!" "Well, at least you boys get to see the ancestral manse." "The home where I spent many happy days in the bosom of my family." "Refugium, if you will." "With a mighty oak tree out front and a happy little tire swing." "Where's the happy little tire swing?" "End of the road, boys." "Now wait a minute." "It's had its twists and turns." "Now it deposits you here." "Now wait a minute." "You have eluded fate and you have eluded me for the last time." "Tie their hands, boys." "You can't do this, now." "Didn't know you'd be bringin' a friend." "He'll just have to wait his turn." "Share one of your graves." "You can't do this, we just got pardoned by the Governor himself." "It went out on the radio." "Is that right?" "Well, we ain't got a radio." "God have mercy." ""You got to go to the lonesome valley"" "It ain't fitting'." "It ain't the law." " The law?" "The law is a human institution." ""Nobody else can go there for you"" "Perhaps you should start making your prayers." "Oh, my God, Everett." "Tommy, I'm sorry we got you into this." "Good Lord what do we do?" "Lord please look down and recognize us poor sinners." "Please Lord, I just want to see my daughters again." "I've been separated from my family for so long." "I know I've been guilty of pride and sharp dealing'." "I'm sorry that I turned my back on you." "Forgive me, and help us, Lord." "For the sake of my family." "For Tommy's sake." "For Delmar's and Pete's." "Let me see my daughters again." "Help us, please." "A miracle!" "It was a miracle!" "Don't be ignorant." "I told you they were going to flood this valley." "No, that ain't it." " We prayed to God and he pitied us." "Well, it never fails." "Once again you two hayseeds are showin' how much you want for intellect." "There's a perfectly scientific explanation for what just happened." "That ain't the tune you was singing back there at the gallows." "Well, any human being will cast about in a moment of stress." "The fact is, they're flooding this valley so they can hydro-electric the whole state." "Yes, sir, the South is going to change." "Everything's gonna be put on electricity and run on a paying' basis." "Out with the old spiritual mumbo-jumbo, the superstitions and backward ways." "We'll see a brave new world where they run everybody a wire and hook us up to a grid." "Yes, sir, a veritable age of reason like the one they had in France, and not a moment too soon." "Not a moment too soon." "Hey, there's Tommy." "Tommy, what you riding there?" "Roll-top desk." ""All's well that ends well" so the poet says." "That's right, honey." "I don't mind telling you that I'm awful pleased my adventuring days have come to an end." "Time for this old boy to enjoy some repose." "That's good, honey." "You were right about that ring, too." "Any other wedding band wouldn't do." "This here was foreordained." "Fate was smilin' on me and you just have to have confidence" "That's not my ring." "Not your ring?" " That's one of Aunt Hurlene's." "You said it was in the roll-top desk." " I said I thought so." "No, you said" " Or under the mattress or in my chiffonier." "I don't know." "Well, I'm sorry, honey." " We need that ring." "Well, that ring is at the bottom of a pretty darn big lake." "A 9,000 hectare lake." " I don't care if it's 90,000." "That lake was not my doin'." " Well, of course not" "I counted to three." " Honey...." "Findin' one little ring in the middle of all that water is one hell of a heroic task."