"There was a boy who loved to eat chicken and was very much afraid of wolves." "Once this boy went to sleep and had a dream." "And in his dream he was walking through the wood, seeking mushrooms." "Suddenly a wolf jumped out from the bushes and attacked the boy." "The boy was scared and began to cry:" ""Oh, oh!" "The wolf will eat me up!"" "The wolf said:" "Wait, I won't eat you;" "I want to talk to you." "And he began to talk with human voice." "And the wolf said:" "You are afraid that I will eat you up." "And what are you doing yourself?" "Do you love chickens?" "I do." "And why do you eat them?" "After all they are living beings as you are." "Go and see how they catch them every morning, how the cook brings them to the kitchen, how they cut their necks, how their mum cackles, that her chickens are taken away from her." "Have you seen that?" "– said the wolf." "The boy said:" "No I haven't." "If you haven't, go and see." "And now I am going to eat you." "You yourself are such a chicken, and I will eat you." "And he threw himself on the boy, and the boy got scared and cried out:" "oh, oh, oh!" "He cried and woke up." "When I..." "When I entered - there was a narrow passage - behind a man with a spot on his cheek" "(The spot looked awful to me) - he let me to the room." "The room was gloomy," "white with cleanliness, square room." "I can remember how grievously it was to me because of its very squareness." "There was one window with a curtain." "A red one." "Have a rest, sir." "I took off my coat and lie on the bed;" "and fell into a light sleep." "I had obviously fallen into a sleep, as when I woke up" "There was nobody in the room and was dark." "It was perfectly impossible that I could fall asleep again." "Why did I come here?" "Where am I going?" "Where and what am I running to?" "I am running away from something frightful and cannot escape from it." "What nonsense" " I said to myself " "What am I sorry for?" "What am I afraid of?" ""From me"" "Said silently the voice of the Death." ""I am here"" "It made my blood creep." "Yes..." "I am afraid of the Death." "It will come." "It... here is it." "But it shouldn't be." "If Death is what really awaits me" "I couldn't have felt what I felt then - then I was afraid and now I am not." "I felt that Death is coming and at the same time that Death shouldn't be." "To the very roots of my being I craved for the right to live and at the same time" " Death going on..." "And this inner perplexity was horrible." "I tried to shake off the horror..." "I found a brass candlestick with a half burnt candle and lit it out." "But in the light of the red candle, everything seemed to point to one and only conclusion:" "there is nothing in life - there is only death." "I started to think of the reason for my being here." "of the payment for the house, of my wife - but not only did all this lose its significance, but also it all turned to nothing." "I must lie down lie down and sleep." "I laid down and at once jumped with terror and felt the same old anguish..." "Such an anguish, that you feel before vomiting, only - spiritual." "Weird... dreadful..." "It might seem that Death is dreadful - but thinking of life you understand that life is dreadful as well." "Somehow Life and Death merged into one." "Something was tearing my soul to pieces and couldn't rip it up." "I walked through the room again." "...the very same horror... red, white, square painfully painfully-evil and dry." "I only felt kindness towards myself " "I only felt a quiet anger towards my wife..." "towards me..." "and towards what she had done to me what she had done to me..." "God?" "They say" " God..." "And one more point:" "in no way could I understand this death anxiety." "I live with the goods of life and believe that goods are more than evils." "Really!" "And are you happy?" "Of course I'm happy." "I'm happy because I don't set myself unattainable and unachievable tasks." "I always set myself immediate and feasible tasks and I'm happy fulfilling them." "As you may know, I had certain lack of success in my official work" "And I won't deny that it painfully hurt my self-esteem." "But I've got my way." "I received my present position precisely in the town I wanted." "It's good for my family as well as for the education of the children." "And though my earnings are not sufficient to serve our needs, I believe they will raise." "I believe I'm of benefit to my place." "Without false modesty I will tell you that this place might have been taken by a man of far lower professional and moral capacity." "I flatter myself that I'm good at my job, that I am a man of weight and significance." "I'm interested in general questions but not excessively." "because I believe that their resolution do not depend on me." "Blame me if you like, but I am completely happy." "And I have neither wishes nor fears." "I don't even fear Death." "And concerning families eager to secure everything I myself don't want it." "I don't want Death, but I don't fear it   you can't fear the unavoidable." "So spoke Ivan Ilich and so he believed to have thought 2 months before his death." "But during these 2 months of illness which ended with his death his thoughts changed substantially." "...tack, tick-tack tick-tack.." "No." "Who are you" " What are you Who are you" " What are you..." "Would you like me to bring the tea?" "No." "Wouldn't you like to move onto the sofa, sir?" "No, leave me alone." " What is it, sir?" " My watch..." " 9:30." "Are they up?" " No sir, Vladimir Ivanovich has gone to school." "Praskovya Fedorovna ordered me to wake her if you asked for her." " Shall I do so?" " No, there's no need to." " Yes, bring me some tea." "Peter,..." " Give me my medicine." " It's all right." "Go and fetch me some tea." "Oh, tea!" "That's good." "Put it down." "Only help me to wash and put on a clean shirt." "Take it away." "You can go, Peter." "How cold it is!" "There's such a sharp frost;" "just let me warm myself!" " Well now, how are you?" " The pain never leaves me and never subsides." "If only something..." "Yes, you sick people are always like that..." "There, now I think I am warm enough." "Even Praskovya Fedorovna, who is so particular, could find no fault with my temperature." "Well, now... good-morning." "Look how they wrapped you!" "Let us undress..." "The other hand, please..." "Well..." "Pulse... next..." "Lie back, please... the eyes... the tongue... well..." "Breathe!" "...deeper breath..." "Yes, that's right." "Breathe!" "Again, again..." "Drop your hands down..." "Peter, how could you!" "I asked you to call me up when he's up and the doctor's here." "Hello, Mikhal Danilovich." "I've been up for a long time, but this sloven, Peter, didn't tell me about your visit." " So, what is it?" " Ah, what..." "Good morning, Jean." "You see he doesn't listen to me and doesn't take his medicine at the proper time." "And above all he lies in a position that is no doubt bad for him-with his legs up" "Can you imagine?" "He asks Gerasim to hold his legs up, like this!" "What's to be done?" "You should forgive him." "Jean..." "It will be as you please, but I sent today for the celebrated specialist Sikorsky he will examine you and have a consultation with Michael Danilovich." "Please don't raise any objections." "I am doing this for my own sake." "Let us raise... easy... don't get excited!" "Kidney... no, I think it is the blind gut... kidney..." "I wouldn't on any account go but the box is taken, and our daughter is going, as well as Petrishchev and it is out of the question to let them go alone..." "I beg you - follow the doctor's orders while I am away." "Oh, and Fedor Petrovich would like to come in." "May he?" "And Lisa?" "All right." "Lisa!" "Fedor Petrovich!" "How are you, papa?" "Lisa, don't dramatize!" "Have you ever seen Sarah Bernhardt?" "Who?" "Sarah Bernhardt." "Ah... no." " And you?" " Yes, in Adrienne Lecouvreur." "It's time to go." "Let's go, Vasya." "Peter!" "Peter!" "Peter, bring me the cards for patience and some ice." "What is this?" " Mice have infested the house." " Get this filth out of my sight!" " Yes, sir." "Call for Gerasim." "Yes, sir." "You may go, Gerasim, I myself will stay with him for a while." "No." "Go." "Are you in pain?" "Always the same." "Take some opium." "Give me..." " Go away, Gerasim." " It's all right, sir." "I'll stay a while." "No." "Go away." "Oh, God!" "Why hast Thou done all this?" "Why hast Thou brought me here?" "Why, why dost Thou torment me so terribly?" "Why, what have I done to You?" "Why?" "Oh, God!" "What is it you want?" "What do I want?" "What do I want?" "What do I want?" "Not to suffer..." "To live..." "To live?" "How?" "Why, to live as I used to - well and pleasantly." "As you lived before?" "Well and pleasantly?" "What does it mean?" "Why?" "Why?" "Morocco is expensive, but it does not wear well..." "Morocco does not wear well." "...a quarrel..." "Yes, yes, there had been a quarrel about it." "It was a different kind of quarrel and a different kind of morocco that time when we tore father's portfolio" "I was 5, no, 6, and we were punished, and mamma brought us some tarts..." "Eat!" "...prunes." "We had a different raw shrivelled French plums... its flavour was peculiar... there was a flow of saliva when you suck their stones..." "What is this?" "Can it be that it is Death?" "Yes, it is Death." "But I am not guilty!" "Why these sufferings?" "Why all this horror?" "For no reason-they just are so." "Peace to you, my son, Ivan!" "Are you strong enough to leave the bed?" "Yes, father." "Blessed is our God, always, now and for ever, and to the ages of ages." "Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us." "Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and to the ages of ages." "Amen..." "Our Father, in heaven, may your name be hallowed, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as in heaven." "Give us today our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one." "For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory, of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and for ever, and to the ages of ages." "Amen" "Forgive me, Lord... forgive me, Lord..." "Have mercy on me... forgive me, Lord..." "May our Lord and God, Jesus Christ, by the grace and compassion of His love for mankind, forgive you, my child, Ivan, all your transgressions." "And I His unworthy Priest, through the power given me, forgive and absolve you from all your sins, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." "Amen." "I believe, O Lord, and I confess that Thou art truly the Christ, the Son of the Living God," "Who came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the chief." "And I believe that this is Thy pure Body and Thy own Precious Blood." "Therefore, I pray Thee, have mercy on me and forgive my transgressions, voluntary and involuntary, in word and deed, known and unknown." "And grant that I may partake of Thy Holy Mysteries without condemnation, for the remission of my sins and for the life eternal." "Amen." "The servant of God, Ivan, partakes of the precious and all-holy Body and Blood of our Lord and God and Saviour Jesus Christ, unto the forgiveness of sins and unto life everlasting." "Amen." "God be with you." "Congratulations." "Lie down, son." "Glory to Thee, O God." "I thank Thee, O Lord my God, that Thou hast not rejected me, a sinner, but hast..." "God save us, father." "To live!" "I want to live!" "Congratulations, dear." "You feel better, don't you?" "Yes." "Go away!" "Go away and leave me alone!" "I don't want.." "I don't want..." "I don't want I don't want..." "Take him away... sorry for him sorry for you too Forego..." "How good and how simple!" "And the pain?" "What has become of it?" "Well..." "Where are you, pain?" "..." "And death... where is it?" "So that's what it is!" "What joy!" "It is finished!" "Death is finished." "It is no more!" "Machines to make - what?" "Telegraphs and telephones to transmit - what?" "Schools, universities, academies to teach - what?" "Assemblies to discuss - what?" "Books, magazines to spread information - what of?" "Railroads to travel - where and whom to?" "Million people gathered in one place, subdued by one power to do - what?" "If it were by your words, human race would have to discontinue." "And why should the human race continue?" "Why?" "Because otherwise you and I would have never existed." "And why should we exist?" "Why - in order to live!" "And why to live?" "If there is no purpose, if we only are given life for itself then there is no reason for us to live." "But if there is a purpose, then it is clear that life should discontinue when this purpose is achieved." "And... what should we do?" "I don't know." "Who are you - what are you who are you - what are you who are you - what are you..." "We cannot live this way we shouldn't live like this" "We should not, we should not!" "Forgive!" "those who love must forgive..."