"(Laughing)" "Classic!" "All right, then, Skipper?" "At ease, Private." "I was laughing at a little joke in the mission files." "Is it a funny one?" "Oh yeah!" "Oh, can I see it, then?" "Classified." "What's classified?" "(Laughing)" "Oh, classic!" "What, why does Kowalski get to see it?" "Well, he's got top secret clearance." "We can't go showing our classified material to just anybody." "Rico, you gotta see this!" "(Laughing)" "Classic!" "Rico, too?" "How's that fair!" "?" "Sorry, Private." "But some files are too private for a Private." "Well, then, perhaps it's time I got a promotion." "(Gasping)" "Let the promotion test begin." "Um, what test?" "Tonight you go mano a mano with the most fearsome beast in the concrete jungle." "A badger?" "Exactly..." "What!" "?" "No, not a badger." "It's a secret, okay." "Mysterious and deadly secret." "He doesn't know what he's saying." "Give the boy a chance to back out." "Ah, there are no take-backs in this unit." "Rico, hit the snooze." "Blach!" "(Whimpering)" "(Moaning)" "The mystery beast can smell your fear." "So can I." "(Sniffing)" "That is fear, right?" "(Whimpering)" "And I'm supposed to fight this secret beast taped to a dumpster, am I?" "KOWALSKI:" "No, Rico just thought that would be fun." "(Rico laughing)" "Gah..." "Oh!" "What's this?" "SKIPPER:" "The concrete jungle survival guide." "KOWALSKI:" "Audio book version!" "So you're about to face a beast more horrible than your worst nightmare." "SKIPPER:" "Congratulations, random listener!" "Let's work on that." "Wait, does this mean you're not coming with me?" "SKIPPER:" "Well, this is your promotion test, Private." "No back-up, no supplies." "You don't even get to know where you are." "MORT:" "I know where we are!" "I "drawed" a map on the way." "You did not." "That's a kiddie menu you found in the gutter." "I live in the hamburger." "SKIPPER:" "What in the name of Custer's mustard?" "Bah!" "Oh yes, we're here for the camping out party." "I've got my booty all warmed up for the banjo sing along campfire dancing." "Check it out, yeah, yeah, keep checking." "This ain't no campout, ring tail!" "Yeah, then how come you got the fire plug poncho and a dress made out of artsy craft supplies?" "Hey!" "This is standard issue urban jungle camouflage." "Uh huh." "So, who wants to sing the kumbayas till the sun comes up?" "No kumbayas!" "This is penguin versus nature." "Private's lucky if he lives to see another sunrise." "Sorry?" "It's a rite of passage, Private." "If everybody survived, it would be a, uh, uh..." "Kowalski, clever turn of phrase options?" "A wrong of passage." "(Snorting)" "Fine, see if I care." "But you'll miss some happy camping, my friend." "27 minutes to midnight, Private." "You'd better play that tape." "Before the beast goes on the prowl." "(Gulping)" "Less than half an hour." "How am I supposed to... (Wind blowing)" "(Gulping)" "KOWALSKI:" "Key one to defeating the beast:" "Surveillance." "Binoculars, anything to track your enemy's movements." "Oh, ah ha!" "Instant telescope." "Gah!" "Thank you, dumpy penguin." "You see, Mort, in camping, to build a fire, nothing but a pirate looky tube." "Don't you need sunlight for that?" "Why would I need sunlight to do this?" "Make fire now, you looky tube!" "This one's defective." "SKIPPER:" "Key two, camouflage." "If the beast can't see you, he can't hurt you." "Okay, how did Rico make his newspaper disguise?" "Arts and crafts supplies!" "What are you doing?" "Ha ha, check it out." "King Julian, crossing the Delaware." "Avenue, right?" "(Whimpering)" "KOWALSKI:" "Key three, weapons." "You need some." "Well, obviously!" "It's a whip." "Or I can make a bow and arrow." "Banjo string!" "♪ Julian is the king of the ocean ♪" "Stay on key, Mort!" "Goh, will you stop that!" "I need that string." "It's nearly midnight and I've gotta face some horrible..." "Ahh!" "Private!" "This is how you prepare for the fight of your life?" "No!" "I w-w-wasn't." "Kowalski, commandeer that banjo." "Ready or not, Private, it's time to meet the enemy." "And since you like banjo music so much, we're gonna do it." "In song." "♪ Pull up a seat and sat a spell ♪" "♪ While this spooky tale I relate ♪" "♪ Bout the meanest mess of steel and wheels ♪" "♪ Man ever did create ♪" "♪ The bus called Graveyard Eight ♪" "♪ The bus called Graveyard Eight ♪" "Oooh." "♪ Runs midnight to dawn no driver inside ♪" "♪ Fuelled by evil incarnate ♪" "♪ Never slowing down as it plows the town ♪" "♪ Mowin' animals down to their fate ♪" "♪ Better run from Graveyard Eight ♪" "♪ Better run from Graveyard Eight ♪" "Look out!" "(Moaning)" "♪ So hear in fear and keep the kids clear ♪" "♪ Of this express to the pearly gates ♪" "It got two of my uncles and six of my cousins." "They were all from upstate." "True story." "♪ The bus called Graveyard Eight..." "!" "♪" "KOWALSKI:" "Yah!" "So, the bus is haunted and you want me to fight it." "A bus?" "And come home with a nifty souvenir to prove it." "That'll put some feathers on your chest, eh?" "Um, I don't think I care about that classified joke anymore." "Good hunting, Private." "If all goes well, we'll see you alive at dawn." "Of course, with the pre-mentioned souvenir in hand." "And if not..." "Well..." "(Sniffling)" "You'll be, you'll be fine." "B-but I'm not ready!" "(Whimpering)" "Any more advice, survival guide audio book?" "SKIPPER:" "This recording will self destruct." "Right now." "(Rico yelling)" "Good luck!" "Here, bus." "Here, bussy, bussy." "Please be a nice haunted bus." "Ahh!" "I caught a wall, yay!" "What are you doing in the street?" "Obviously, we are sewer fishing, duh." "But the Graveyard Eight!" "The grape jar what now?" "The haunted bus that runs over animals!" "Mmm, never heard of it." "Perhaps if you gave it a catchy jingle, or perhaps a theme song." "Look out!" "Shh!" "I'm in my fishing zone." "Really." "'Cause I'm not catching jack-a-doodly with this worthless fish stick." "Ah ha, I have caught something!" "(Screaming)" "No, this is your test, Private." "(Screaming)" "(Whimpering)" "Whoa-oh!" "Yes..." "Oof!" "(Screaming)" "Hang on, I think I can get you free." "No, no, I know this camp time activity." "Only way to untangle is to work as a team, so everybody shut it and I will be the team." "(Grunting)" "Oh, the foot is in my face!" "Ah ha, I did it!" "Goody for you." "We just need something to cut the line." "Just hang on, I'll be back." "(Grunting)" "SPOOKY VOICE:" "Fifth Avenue, Washington Square." "No driver." "I know, spooky, right?" "(Screaming)" "(Laughing)" "I thought this was where we steal the other camp's mascot." "What!" "?" "Are you completely..." "We are not camping!" "Oh-ho, somebody's working on his sourpuss grumpy grouch activity patch." "(Laughing)" "It's you, by the way." "Just find something sharp and pointy to cut the fishing line!" "Sharp, pointy?" "Perfect." "Ahh!" "Ha ha, look at me!" "I found something sharp and pointy!" "I win!" "Ah!" "Ah..." "Wha..." "Oh!" "Oof, oh!" "We have to hurry, Julian, before the Graveyard Eight claims" "Maurice and Mort forever!" "And yet here you are, talking, talking, talking and doing nothing, nothing, nothing." "But there's still one part of the bus I haven't searched yet." "SPOOKY VOICE:" "Seventh Avenue." "(Gulping)" "(Eerie music playing)" "(Wheel squeaking)" "Ya-ha!" "No pets on the bus." "Oof!" "Wha-ah-ah!" "(Laughing)" "Again, again!" "(Whimpering)" "PRIVATE:" "Sharp and pointy." "Oh!" "Whoa!" "Come on!" "I love camping!" "Jump!" "Hooray for the Private!" "Amazing!" "Yeah, that was pretty good." "Kowalski, promotion analyses." "Private risked his own safety to free helpless captives from a demonic bus." "That's plus 17 points." "They were all lemurs." "Minus 20." "But he did bring back one primo souvenir." "Well, congratulations, young Private!" "You've been promoted to Private." "First class." "(Cheering)" "Of course, we'll still call you Private, first class is implied." "Enjoy your classified joke access." "I don't get it."