"Tell me!" "If you know what the ending should be, then just tell me." "It just has to be surprising..." "Don't say surprising and inevitable." "But in this story, what does that mean?" "You've got her at the top of a building." "She takes a step off." "You set up her belief in god." "Some belief in some god she thinks will catch her, and we hope it will catch her." "So should she not jump, or should she jump and be saved, caught by something or someone or should..." "Just has to be surprising and inevitable." "Surprising and inevitable." " I'm sending it to you." " Don't send it to me." "Un-send it!" "You're trying to get me to give you an ending," " some perfect..." " I'm onto something." "You're absolutely onto something." "But you want some archetypal ending, whatever that is." "If you're doing some "let him figure it out" thing, spare me." "Someone should go into the "underworld"" " and drag up..." " And I need some help!" "...all the "archetypes" and line them up and shoot them." "Don't rag on archetype construction." "You can't tell a real story with any detail if you're a slave to some Joseph Campbell one-size-fits-all mad lib that applies to everybody on the face of the Earth." "Are you feeling that you're close and you're wanting me to validate the work you've done so far," " or are you feeling that..." " I'm feeling that I'm shit." "And I'm feeling that you have the power to make me slightly less shitty, and you won't." "You are the least shitty person I know." "So why do I feel like..." "Because congratulations." " For what?" " You're a writer." "Thanks for giving us an early look." "The kids just moved out." "Don't worry, it's only June." "It'll air out over the summer." " What?" " What?" " What?" " What, what?" "Oh, you know, I just gave this tour to the kid who's going to be your roommate in the fall." "You guys are so different." "What are you majoring in?" " Writing." " He's working on writing." "What's he studying?" "The roommate." " Science, I think." " Mmm." "Zero sense of humor." "You'll have all summer to get used to the idea." "I'm working on writing?" "Yes, you're learning to write." "You're a writer who's writing while he's learning to write." " Two, please." " Three." " Sorry, three." " Right this way." "Thank you." " Jesus!" " You asked me to come to dinner." "You asked me to read it." "It's like a bloodbath." "A lot of it's punctuation." " You got a letter." " It's a style." " Don't say Cormac McCarthy." " Cormac McCarthy." "He made a huge impact, but he wasn't sending out work at your age." "Unless you have a real idea about the ending, it's time for me to start sending it out." "You just said you need an idea." "You just said it's not ready." " I do need an idea." " So?" " So give me one." " I don't have one." "If you do, you owe it to me, because I don't think you have any ideas with your critical voice constantly inside my head." "You guys fight like my parents." "But they say that's what keeps them hot for each other, so I guess that's okay." "You've got six, at least four years of school ahead of you." "You're not supposed to know how to..." "I sent it out." " No, you didn't." " You sent what out?" "Jump." "My story, I sent it out." "Where, to be rewritten?" " Mean." " Sorry." "This could be a good story." "Way down the line it could, but it needs..." " What, you?" " Mean." " Sorry." " Your dad's cute." "You know, I know I can't..." "Mean, mean, mean." " Sorry, sorry, sorry." " What's it about?" "You only get one shot with these places." "It's about what goes through a woman's mind from the time she jumps off a building until she lands and dies." " You opened my mail?" " She did." "You opened my mail?" " Where did you send it?" " Why did you open..." "I thought you didn't have any siblings." "Half-sibling." "She's my half-sibling." "Where did you send it?" "You haven't heard of it." " Oh, god." " It's an online literary." "What's the name of it?" "The web thing?" "You haven't..." "You haven't heard of it." "Try me." "Fertile... something?" "Bitter, whatever it is?" "Subtly very mean." "I'm sorry, tell me." "I'll be good." " Blow Back." " Gesundheit." "So?" " I'll have a chardonnay." " Me too." " And a glass of red wine." " May I see some identif..." " They're for me." " All of them?" " It's a stressful time." "You're leaving home." "I'm shaken up too." "I'm not leaving home." "You're going away to college." "I'm not going away." "Don't be ridiculous." "After the summer, you're g..." "One, two, three, four... 43, 44, 45..." " 67, 68, 69." " Okay." " 70, 71..." " Okay." "76, 77... 82, 83, 84, 85." " Mr. and Mrs. Durning?" " What's your point?" "I'm moving 85 steps away from you." "That doesn't rate as going away to college." "Do you want me to move across the park?" " Stop it!" " What am I doing?" "You asked me to read it, I read it." "I'm giving you my advice as one adult to another." "Why are you getting so upset?" "I thought we were both adults." " We are, but it's different." " Why?" "Because one adult came out of the other adult's vagina!" "What?" " Maybe I'll see you." " Yeah, okay, bye." "She seems nice." "She's awful." "There's something wrong with us." "It's not just us." "Nobody sleeps anymore." "Besides, I'm not going to watch it without you, so if you don't either, we'll have a six-week break while you're in California." "If I can just spot the triggering mechanism..." "Hello." "It seems louder over here." "Hand me that candle, will you?" "Put ze candle back." "Wait." "Wait." "Where are you going?" "I was gonna make a pretzel." "Your dad's picking you up at the airport." "It'll be fun." "Step-family." "It'll be step-fun." " Oh, crap, crap, crap!" " What?" " I forgot my, uh..." " What did you need?" "No, I can get it." "Just don't, don't, don't!" "Jesus, Jackie." "Why won't it be fun?" " Taxi?" " Yes, please." "Your father looks happy." "He looks sweet." "What does that mean?" "Where's your suitcase." "For the summer?" "Is there anything other than shorts in there?" "Pants?" "Do they even wear pants in California" " when they're not, eh..." " Yes?" "Whatever." "Shoes?" "Flip flops?" "Can you walk in those things?" "What am I saying, nobody walks out there." " Can you drive in them?" " Not that you would know." "Many people don't drive." "I don't drive." "What about books?" "What will you read during the day or at night?" "What will you read at night?" "Maybe I won't read." "Maybe I'll watch TV." "Maybe I won't do anything at all except stare into space, relax and breathe." "Jesus." " What line'd you call?" " I sent you On The Town." "I just got it." " What'd you think of it?" " I just got it." "What'd you think?" "I think it's long and full of adverbs." "Should I come in?" "No, no." "Read it." "I'll hang up." "I'll call you as soon as I'm done." "No, I need to know I can reach you." "I'm here." "You can reach me here." " No, I..." "I..." " I'm going to give you your own special ringtone so I always know it's you." "Yeah, but later, what hap..." "Like, what, what if..." "On and in my hand." "Reachable." "Always." "Excuse me." "What did you mean about dad being sweet?" "Just what I said." "You just meant that he's sweet?" "Unless something goes wrong." "Then what is he?" "How do I know that I can reach you at any time?" "Not around." "I need to know that you are reachable." "Hey, I'm heading out." "Thank you." "I need to know that I can count on you." " Have fun." "Jackie, this is an important story." " Where are you going?" " Aruba." " Nice." "My wife's mother's coming with us, though." "Ugh, mothers are awful." "I have plans later, so if I don't answer, we'll talk when we talk." "Talk when we talk?" "Who is this?" "Plans?" "No, not those kinds of..." "I don't know and I don't want to know how many years it's been, but at some point, I think it's actually bad for you not to have..." "Plans." "For your health, I mean." "Powering down." "What is the matter with you?" "I need to have a definite answer." "I mean, the kids are a lot, but hopefully we'll see a little time." "When was your last vacation?" "I can get you?" "Don't you think we all need a break?" "On and in my hand." "Reachable always." "Everyone needs a little peace and quiet..." "I don't really have plans." "Call me when you land." "Everybody..." "You there?" " What?" " Peace." "No, no, no, no, no, no!" "I was waiting!" "Ugh!" "You're a horrible man!" " Hello?" " Oh, hello?" " How..." " Peter, how are you?" "Uh, I'm doing great." "No complaints." "I'm doing great." "Well, good." "I'm so glad." " What?" " What?" "Did you say "well?"" "You're doing well." "Not "great."" ""Well." Anyway, I'm so glad." "Who are you talking to?" " Talking to Angelo's mama." "May I talk to her?" "That's okay, she doesn't have t..." "Hi." " Hello, how are you?" " Good." " So what have you been up to?" " Playing." " How's that going?" " Good." " Well." " What?" " Nothing." " What are you doing?" "Uh, working." "Editing." "I have deadlines." "I'm in fiction, but still they want..." "My mommy has a baby in her tummy." "Hi, hello." "You haven't answered your phone." "It's been five days." " Why haven't you answered y..." " What's up?" "What's up?" "Yeah, you doing okay?" "Yeah." "I'm doing..." "Great." "I promise you this is the last time I'll bother you till the fall." "I'll lay it on the floor, pick it up and go." "I just want to see if it fits." "He's going to kill me for starting to decorate, but I also know if the room looks nice, he's more likely to..." "He dropped out." "I hope you take a moment before you react to this." "This is not something I'm doing lightly." "School and frankly New York City..." "Are you sitting down?" "They're not for me." "Oh, thank you." " Miss Durning." " I'll follow you." "Do you have a power port?" "I need to charge my laptop and my phone." "I do have one, yes, ma'am." "I'll need you for a few hours." "More than a few." "Are you free?" "I told them it was "as directed."" " No problem." "It's still in there, and the issue goes to print in three hours." "Regular." "I don't want to live in a world where a cup of coffee has to be described as regular unless it's 1940 and the guy means cream and sugar." " Where are you?" " On my way to a meeting." " Where?" " West Side." " I want you to look at it." " Send it to me," "I'll get it on my phone." "Oop, got it." "3550, there it is." "That's a nice house." "Yes, ma'am, it is." "No, no, no, get in, get in, get..." "get back in, get back in the car." " Ma'am?" " Get in." "Ma'am, any idea how long we'll be here?" "I just have to see about something." "Shouldn't take long." "Jesus!" "Yeah, they come out of the hills 'cause they're thirsty." "This place is terrifying." "Is that who you're waiting for?" "Follow him." " Ma'am?" " Follow him, follow him, follow him." "Go slower." "Go slower, slow down." "And pull over." " Wetsuits?" " Ma'am?" "Californians have such thin skin." "I'd like to see one of them try to swim back east." "The water can get kind of..." " What is your name?" " Ramon." "Ramon, where is the ladies' room?" "Well, they're there, but I think they're closed or broken or something." "Well, somewhere, there must be some place..." "Just those, I think." "That's ridiculous." "Where do these people pee?" "I don't know for positive, but can't they just go in their suits?" "Warms them up." "Oh, shit!" "Shit, shit, shit!" "Shit!" "Ugh!" "What's he doing?" "Looking for a job?" "Thanks." "Follow him, follow him, follow him." "Leave a message at the tone." "Oh, come on." "You haven't called me all day." "Where are you?" "I know you read what I sent." "Get closer." "I like to keep one car length for every 10 miles per hour." "Closer, closer, closer, closer, closer." "I want to start a new life here, but that doesn't mean there has to be this kind of distance between us." "Call me." "Get closer." "We both need to make an effort here." "To be honest, ma'am, I really think I'm close enough." "Ugh!" "God damn it!" "I just got rear ended by some asshole tailgater!" "Jesus!" "I'm very sorry, sir." "It's okay." "Will you step out of the car so we..." "You two have to pull over!" "Is anyone else in the car?" " Um..." " What happened?" " Are you kidding me?" "Jesus, it's so bright!" "You need to get these cars off the street!" "Don't act like I'm the only crazy one." "What are you doing here?" "I'm living my life." "Here, I will live and work and..." "What, ride around on that thing?" "Many great writers didn't believe in academia." "Name three." " Hemingway, Gore Vidal..." " That's two." "I am choking." "Do you understand?" "In that city, in that apartment!" "Don't be dramatic." "I'm choking on the women there." "These soulless free-floating heads." "And every encounter I have with one makes me want to be celibate for the rest of my life." "And the problem with that would be..." "This is unhealthy." "It was a joke." "Jesus, I was joking!" "That's the problem with Los Angeles." "When they don't educate you, and they don't educate you, you fail to develop the brain receptors needed to have a fucking sense of humor!" "You have one." "I've seen it." "But you get out here and on that thing and you lose it." "You lose the power of reason." "Your father's just fine with this?" "You don't want to know." " What did he say?" " Just be happy." "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." "What's wrong with our apartment?" "Cleaned out the closet lately?" "You want me back there so you can watch me miserably struggle over something that I'll never do just right, according to you." "Nobody does it "just right."" "And you shit on me for getting on a surfboard, something you could never do because you might get your hair wet!" "And by the way, I sleep out here." "Of course you do, it's Los Angeles." "There's no reason to get out of bed!" "Oh, my god!" "Go back to New York." "Swim laps in a chlorinated pool 50 stories up in the air." "Do whatever you want." "I don't care!" "You know why?" "Because you're not interesting to me anymore." "This is interesting to me." "And this is interesting to me, and you could never do it." "Don't doubt yourself." "We told the guy to write what he knows and he did." "I would tell your young copy editor that the only other choice at this late date is a very thin story about a heartbroken pigeon." " Send it by me." " I'll send you the draft now and I'll call you with the final in three..." "Uh, six." " Where are you now?" " I'm at lunch." " Where?" " Midtown." "I'm reachable." "You've never done this before?" "No, but I'm in very good physical condition." "You must have a lot of money." "You're staying in a nice hotel, you've hired me for a second day in a row." "I think you should get an instructor." "I don't need some illiterate teenager telling me how to lie on my belly and splash my arms in the water." "I live in the most challenging city in the country." "I can navigate a few small waves in sunny Santa Monica." "That goes on your leg." "I swim 400 meters three times a week." "I've swum in Long Island Sound." "I've leaned half my body over a yacht to pull my wallet out of the Hudson." "You don't have to worry about me." "Ugh!" "Ugh." "Freezing in here!" "Couldn't you please get a teacher?" "Do I think I'm going to be great the first few times I do it?" "No." "We could ask one of those guys." "I know plenty of people who have taught themselves various sports and they've done just fine." "Could we have a signal?" "What are you talking about?" "I'm responsible for your safety while you have me on the clock." " No you're not." " Well, irregardless..." " Oh, my god." " What?" "There's no such word." " What?" " Go on." "Could we agree on an arm signal?" "So if you're in trouble out there, I can do something." "It's not your job, but yes." "If you see me give the international S.O.S. sign, it'd be very kind of you to call 9-1..." "Aah!" "What is happening?" "I think you need a lesson." "What I need is for someone to get this thing out past these first few waves." "You want to try it?" "Hello, my name is Jackie Durning." "Would you do me the tremendous favor of allowing me to pay you money to take my surfboard and pull it or push it out there just past those first few waves?" "Once you're out there, I'll swim to you." "I'm an excellent swimmer." "I'll take the board from you and you can come in and resume..." "What?" " Doing nothing?" " Pretty much." " Will you do it?" " Okay." "Right, here I go." " Remember." " Yes, yes." "I remember." "I know it sounds like hubris, but once I get out there," "I really think I'm going to be better than average at intuiting how to do this." "Whoo, thank you very much." "Oh!" "Darn it." "Sorry." "Poor planning on my part." "I'm going to have my driver give you money." " Would $30 be all right?" " Yeah." "What?" "Help!" "I'm coming!" "Lifeguard, lifeguard!" "Help!" "No!" "No!" "Ugh." "Lifeguard, help!" "No, you idiot, I'm fine!" "Help!" "That wasn't it!" "Ahh!" "I'm fine!" "Ugh!" "Let's get you back to shore." "I just got out here." "Well, just to be safe, show me you can put your leash on and get back on your board." "I can." "Great." "Show me." "It's possible I can't." "I didn't need any help." "I was fine." "You're welcome." "Maybe this man could give you a lesson." "I don't need a lesson." "Oh, uh..." "I want to surf like that." "You just bailed?" "Our parents would freak." "Your parents were fine with you leaving school?" "My dad was." " Not your mom?" "She's had a slightly harder time adjusting to the idea." "The weather in this god-forsaken place!" "Most people put their wetsuits on at the beach." "Good for them." "It took me 20 minutes and someone from housekeeping to get into it." "Yes, I'm here." "What's wrong with it?" "Page 17 of the proofs." ""Gender"." "Feels like he wanted to write "sex", but was too spineless to do it." "I can hear you fine." " Where are you?" " In a taxi, downtown." "Way down." "In fact, I'm heading into a tunnel," " so it's possible we'll..." "Fill this out and sign, please." " Your age?" " I'm sorry." " What's your age?" " What's your age?" "Thirty seven." "Yeah, good." "Me too." " Good morning." " Hey." "Ma'am, just so you know, another driver will be arriving during your lesson" " to pick you up." " Why?" "I'm not available after 1:30, ma'am." " Why?" " Professional reasons." "I have to get my kids from school." "All of them." "'Cause I missed two days." "Pick them up and come back." "I won't have to meet someone new and you can stay on the clock." "The limo company won't lose anything." "They never have to know." "You don't want my kids in the back yelling and throwing stuff." "I'll see you when I'm done." "Okay, Jackie." "Lie down on your surfboard for me." "Good." "Paddle your arms." "Is there a problem?" "I understand, I'll paddle." "I don't have to do it now." "I'm lying in the dirt." "Okay." "Well, after you're done paddling, place your hands on either side of your chest, push up arching your back." "And a lot of beginners start on one knee and then stand up." "For later, what you're going to do is jump or pop up." " Now?" " Why not now?" "Good, try it again." " Okay, yeah, there's no need to rush to pop up." "I'd rather just learn the right way from the beginning." "This isn't the wrong way." "I just personally find..." "I'm sorry, it hasn't stopped." "I think I answered it." "Yes, what?" "I do stand by it." "The Flowers That Flowered?" "Seriously?" "There's whimsy, and then there's whatever that is." "My phone is on." "Turn off my phone." " What were you saying?" "Here's the deal, Jackie." "We are going to put this inanimate object into an ever-changing environment." " Hey, you." " Hey, you." "The surfboard does nothing on its own." "It only moves if this ever-changing environment moves it, or if you, who are also ever changing, make it move." "Do you understand?" "Yes, obviously, I..." "The ocean moves over a sandy floor that we cannot see." "When the shape of that floor rises, a wave is formed, and that wave moves towards the shore, do you understand?" "I'm not stupid." "If you can understand it, obviously I..." "That wave moving toward the shore will also move anything in its path." "If you or the object are in its way, it will hit you." "Therefore, the safest place you can be in the water is where?" "The safest place to be given that you and the object are ever-changing?" "At home watching  20/20?" "Can I have some water?" "We're going to paddle out to there." "When I tell you to, you're going to paddle to where the wave is breaking." "If you're lucky enough to catch a wave, you'll stand up, placing your feet evenly over the center line of the surfboard and ride that wave toward shore." "If you're that lucky, well, then lower yourself back down onto the surfboard, turn around and paddle back to me." "Whatever happens, you do as I say, understand?" "We can skip it and go back if you're too freaked out." "Let's go." "The most dangerous part of surfing is entering and exiting the water." "What happens if this object comes between you and an oncoming wave?" "What?" "What happens if this inanimate object comes between you..." "For god's sake..." "Get on your board." "Oh, my god!" "Tiring, isn't it?" "Can we take a break?" "We are inside." " You know what that means?" " No." " We are in the impact zone." " Oh, please." " Pardon?" " Nothing." "Go ahead." "If we stay here, we'll be hit by every single wave that comes in and get tumbled in the white water." "So we're going to go outside, or beyond the breaking wave." "See that one?" "We're going to paddle beyond that." " I can't." " You have to." "Says who?" "Nobody's ever asked me that before." "What is that?" "Huh, freak set." " What?" " Bigger set of waves than we've seen before." "Well, what do I do?" "Do you have children?" "What did you say?" " Do you have a child?" " Yes." "Paddle as if your child's life depends on it." "Paddle, Jackie." "Paddle down hard." "Good job." "Boy, from this angle it doesn't look so bad." "I thought it was bigger..." "Get back on your board." "Get on top of your surfboard." "Sit up." "Do you own an egg beater?" "I'm begging you." "Assuming you've at least seen an egg beater," "I want you to move your ass to the back of the board, hold onto the rail, egg beater your legs around." "I can turn the surfboard around." "Is this really the best use of our time?" "Why don't you try to turn the board around your way?" "For god's sake!" "Can you explain it one more time?" "Slide back." "Hold on." "Egg-beater your legs." "Good, do it again." "Good, other way." "It'll be to your benefit to be able to do that quickly." " In general?" " Nope, now." "Slide back, egg-beater your legs, paddle towards shore." "If you catch it, stand up, bend your knees and ride the wave towards shore." "If you fall off, cover your head and fall flat." "You don't know what's on the bottom." "You hear me?" " Yes, yes, whatever!" " One, two, three!" "Good job." "Call me if you want another lesson." "Hijo!" "Dickens!" "Look who's texting!" "Dickens!" "Mean." "Sorry." "Blowback?" "Thank you." " Did you go out?" " Yeah." "How was it?" "It was okay." "Closed out." " Thanks." " Yeah." "Did you go out?" "I did." "Closed out, right?" "Beautiful." "Every day I'm out there is absolutely beautiful." " Have you read this?" " I have." "It's supposed to be amazing." " Is that for school?" " No, for fun." "Well, then you might actually enjoy it." "What are you reading?" "Uh, a little bit of the world, a little bit of pleasure." "Anything to avoid writing." "You're a writer?" "Oh, my god, you are so lucky, to write in a place like this." "I am lucky." "Can I ask you a question?" "Do you work?" "I'm sorry, I mean, like, to survive, do you..." "I work, but I work to live, not the other way around." "I'm sort of stuck lately." "Mmm-hmm." "How do you write here with the ocean and the sunlight right outside?" "I have to agonize in a dark room." "Yeah, I don't agonize." "I have an idea for your story." "This is an ever-changing environment," " so while we're out..." " Not again." "You know a better way?" "Cover your head when you fall." "Let's go." "Hey!" "Who raised you, you ins..." " Hello..." " What is it?" " That's how you say hello?" " What's the idea?" "Oh, that's work calling." " Let's meet somewhere and..." " You're still in LA?" " So?" " I've sent the story out." "Maybe you're right." "Maybe no one will call." "I'm not going to agonize." "You're going to agonize." "You're a writer." "It's agony." "I've never heard such a ridiculous..." "I'll call you back." "Don't call me back." "Dropout who reads Marquez." "Cool." "Yeah, they'll never get that." " They?" " My parents." "Well, my mother." "Once it's not being shoved down your throat," " you want to read it." "Yeah, she's never going to get that." "I was lucky." "Second kid." "He wore them down, so by the time they got to me, they were too tired to care." "That is lucky." "Ignore it." "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" "I do." "Oh, good." "So they can share the load." " How many?" " Two." "One." "I have a half-sister." "And I don't..." "Have a brother." "I..." "I did..." "But I now don't." "Oh, my god!" "It's worse!" "My arms!" "After all these times, how can it be worse?" "Sure you want a lesson every day?" "I'm sure." "Paddling hard, good for you." "But I'm not getting anywhere." "Well, just for today, if you can catch me, I'll give you a ride." "Can I ask you?" "How?" "Uh, he was..." "little." "He..." "Choked." "Very quickly." "Your poor parents." "Yeah." "She thought he had him, he'd thought she had him..." "What did you think?" "I told you not to call me back." "I'm sorry, who?" "Oh." "Oh." "Yes." "One sec." "Yeah, I see it." "I'm here, I'm here." "I'm definitely here." " Hello?" " I can't talk now." "You called me!" "Once again you..." "Well I'm letting you know that I can't talk now." "I've got some work I've gotta do and I really want to concentrate on that, okay?" "Okay, break a leg." "What do you mean, "Break a..."" " Hey, are you..." " I think so." " Okay." "Hey!" " Hey." "Hey!" "Oh, my God." "Hey!" "Fuck." "This is Jackie Durning." "She's, uh..." "I work with her sometimes." "Uh, you work together as..." " I was work as..." " She's my mother." "I work as his mother." "Oh, okay." "Well, that makes sense." "You know, when we spoke on the phone, I didn't..." "You didn't speak." "We didn't?" " You set this up!" "Well, you know, we really like your story, man." "It's going to get better, too." "Oh, well, I thought it was finished." " It is finished." " It's going to get better." " It's not going to get any better." " But he doesn't know yet." "He doesn't know someone at your place will figure that out, but he's got a great idea for the ending." " No, I don't." " Yes, you do." "No, I don't." " What are you doing?" " What do you mean?" "You're killing it." "You set this up and now you're killing it." "She what?" "I..." "I'm sorry, I'm a little slow, I..." "Why are you still here?" "Why are you still in your least favorite city in the world?" " I'm working on something." " On what?" " Something." "Where are you going?" "If you really wanted this, you wouldn't..." " You should be afraid." " But you know better." "You know this isn't where you want to be published!" "Whatever she's promised you isn't worth it." "Unless it's a new name for your magazine." "Yes, enjoy the great news." "I'm just like you now." "Too clever to have any respect for anybody, including this poor guy." " Why?" " Why what?" "Why do all women fall feet first?" "Makes no sense!" "'Cause we'd rather hurt our feet than crack our heads open." "Call us crazy." "Yeah, you fall flat you won't hurt anything." "Here comes one." "Lie down." " Fall flat!" " I will." " Jack..." " I will, I will, I will!" "Whoo!" "Ow!" "Son of a bitch!" " Pull them out." " They don't come out." "They don't come out?" " They're barbs." " What do I do?" "Break them off, try and dissolve some of the protein." "I can't do it." "You do it." "No, no, no, no, no." "I can do it, I can do it." "Oh, god, I can't do it." "I'll do it." "It's going to hurt." "You might puke." "Or I might." "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" "Argh!" "Ugh." "Your driver here?" "No, he won't be back for over an hour." "Oh, god, it hurts so bad." "How do you even use this thing?" "You have to break down the protein." " How?" " Pee on it." "Pee on it?" "I can't pee on it." "Why not?" "It's the bottom of my foot." "I couldn't reach it." "How could I aim at it?" "Well, unless you want to be in agony tonight and on crutches for a week, somebody's gotta pee on it." "I'm injured." " Just do it." " I'm trying." " How difficult is it?" " Hold on a second!" " Hello?" " Who is this?" " Who's this?" " You called me." "I got a text, someone's injured?" "Oh, yeah." "Are you the husband?" " Whose husband?" " My husband." "Yeah, uh..." " I'm injured." " What happened?" "There is something very wrong with my foot." " Your foot?" " Yes, it's horribly..." " Horribly what?" " Splintered." "It's horribly splintered." " It's splintered, or you got a splinter in it?" " Whatever." "How bad can it be, Jackie?" "You never even take your shoes off." "Find someone to help you, or better yet, go home." "I'm working." "Shouldn't you be?" " What are you working on?" " Are you doing it?" " You'd know." " What are you waiting for?" " I'm not a machine, all right?" "Just, I need..." "Sing something." " Did you say sing?" " Too quiet." "I can't go." " Always, or just now?" " Just sing, all right?" "About water, dripping, or rain." "Just do what I'm telling you to do." "Can you unwrap?" " I can't get it?" " Why not?" "Because my arms don't work." "You broke them with all the paddling." "Let me do it." "Now you're all..." "You're all tied up." " Uh-oh." "What do you want me to do about it?" "Guess you should probably take horrible advantage of me." "Mmm..." "I'm..." "I'm not 37." "I didn't have to pee on your foot." "Isn't he cool?" " Don't you want his life?" " Not really." "Why is he hanging out with a bunch of 20 year old kids?" "Because he's cool!" "Because he's selling them weed." " He is?" " He is." " Want some?" " No." "Makes me paranoid." "So what?" "He writes, he surfs..." "Sells a little weed." "Sounds better than the life of most writers I know." "Thank you." " Good morning." " Good morning!" "Thanks for dropping off my stuff." "Are you okay?" " Good, you?" " Good." "How did you get home?" "I got a ride." "Hey, how's it?" "Are you kidding me?" "What?" " How are you today?" " Good." "Very good." "How are you?" "I'm well." "I'm feeling very..." "Very well." "Come here, come here." "Come here." "This way, come on, all right?" "Everything okay?" " What is happening?" " Shh!" "Did he just kiss that girl?" "He might have." "I..." "I don't think so." "At the very least, he nuzzled that girl." "Bummer." "That's your boyfriend?" "Mrs. Jackson!" "Understandable, very interesting." "Will you order food, and will you get a table?" "What are you going to do?" "Get out of the rest of my wetsuit." " Inside the car?" " There's a bathroom inside." "He can't see me in this." " Why?" " He just can't." "Please?" "You know, that looks like..." " Sorry." " Oh, I'm sorry." "Jackie?" "Oh." " What are you doing here?" "Hi, what are you doing here?" "Hello." "Jackie, this is Blanche, Brad, Newsome and Lex." " Hello." " Hey." "Hey, did you want to introduce me?" "This is my friend Ramon." "And, uh, this is Ian." " Hello." " Hey!" "And how do you guys know each other?" "From... around." "And you all?" " From around." "This is weird." "Well, have a nice lunch." "It was great to see you." "Good to see you too." " Why does he call you Jackie?" " Because he hates me." "It's not respectful." "He should call you "Mom" or "Mama."" "And he shouldn't be getting high." "Oh, Jesus." "Maybe it's his friend's." "You don't know." "It's just pot, for whatever that's worth." "Does that mean it's not a big deal?" "You never get high?" "Twice, in college." "It wasn't pretty." "It means there's no reason to assume that it's a big deal." "You don't know what it means." " Do you smoke pot?" " No, allergic." "Allergic." "In a sense." " What about you?" " What?" "Could you try some?" "Smoke a little so I know what he's doing?" "I'd like to smoke the whole thing, but I'm at work and I have to pick up three small children in two hours." "Sorry." "Maybe you should smoke it." "It's my office." "Hello?" "I know." "Yes, of course I'm listening." "I have to call you back." "I don't feel anything." "You probably should give it a minute." "Eh." "Wow." " Pretty fucked up?" "I'm getting fired!" "Where did he go?" "Hello." " I'm..." " Of course I know who you are." "Of course, hello." "Hello, I'm good." " What?" " Did you..." "What?" "Please, come in." "I spent all day working on this." "It would be just like me to overcook it last minute." "Can I offer you something to drink, or anything?" "Um, or..." " He's up there with a..." " Young woman?" " Well..." " He'll be fine." "Don't worry." "Door's open." " Yin and yang." " Totally." " No." " No?" "Do re mi?" " Hi, I'm here." "Jesus!" "He can't help you now!" "Jesus." "Little joke." "Never mind." "You thrilled to see me?" "I got past your obviously horrible stepmother and her hideous, charmless child, and that was a chore." "You see, the point of that joke is to imply that they are clearly neither hideous nor charmless." "They are in fact beautiful, welcoming." "Enchanting, even." "You got that, right?" "I did." "I'm gonna go." "Oh, do you wanna get high?" "Where are my people?" "This is wrong." "Can you see it, Jackie, how wrong it all is?" "You can see it, right?" "She sees it." " Hello, Jackie." " What are you saying is wrong?" "I'm not your lover." " Ooh, god." " Whoa, oh." "Ick." "Just the choice of words is so creepy." " I'm not your son." " Angelo!" " You're not my son now?" " I'm not your other son." "Is everything okay?" "Why did you come over here?" "To say happy birthday." " It's your birthday?" " In a week." "I wanted to be near you." "Steal a whiff." "What's the idea here?" "That if he were alive you'd be less weird?" " Son..." " If your mother had been nicer?" " Son..." " If your marriage hadn't..." "Son!" "Bad things happen." "In a life." "Do it, Jackie." "Do what?" " You know." "He should be here." "I'm sorry he's not." "I'm sorry for you." "I'm sorry for me." "Is there anything I can do?" "You don't want to get high, do you?" " Do it." " Do what?" "We're going to let you two have some time." "Why, because this doesn't involve you?" " Both of you?" " It doesn't." "Most people by the time they're your age don't have to..." "Fuck you!" "Fuck each and every last one of you." "Not you." "It's very popular around here to think that I don't want him to find a woman to be with." "They won't say it, but it's true," " but they think it's a blame thing." " What?" " That's an allusion to how it was your fault." " The mother?" "Of course it's my fault." " What were you doing?" " You said you had him." " I had him." "I'm just asking what you were doing that you needed to step away." "I don't know." "Nothing." "Ten things, probably." "But I must've stepped away." "It's not that you stepped away." "It's that if it hadn't happened, he'd be here right now, feeling that the one stupid thing you were doing isn't enough for you." "He would?" "And what would you tell him, if that's how someone made him feel?" "I'd tell him that that someone would rather die than sit still, than be with one thing." "One son." "If that person wanted to be near me," "I'd stay very, very far away, and I wouldn't come back." " High!" " Hi." "No, are you high?" "Now that you're a woman that partakes?" "No, I'm just unable to do it." "Do you have other kids?" "It's sort of a long, um..." "He's mad." "He seemed mad." "You were once a 20 year old male person." "What did you want?" "To get laid." "Anything else?" "What did you want from your mother?" "For her to want nothing from me." "It's a beautiful day." "You're hot." "No..." "Mmm..." "Say it again?" "You are hot." "If I was going to really hook up with somebody, you'd be..." "Well I..." "I don't know how you'd be." "Awesome, probably." "Really, do you think I'd be awesome?" "Yes." "Unless, relationships are not..." "And I hope you didn't think..." "Just use me for my body till I dump you, okay?" "Okay." "And to live her life." "What?" "My mother..." "She had some bad things happen in her life." "You have bad things happen?" "World's full of bad things." "What did you want her to do?" "I wanted her to love it anyway." "Jackie?" "Did you do it?" "Did I..." "Whatever you needed to do in New York?" "Whatever..." "Did you get it done?" " Yes, I did." " Nice." "Yes, it was." "So lucky, aren't we?" " We are." "So lucky." " Yeah." "That's a nice one." "Right?" "Man, I wish I were you." " No kidding." "Everyone will be out of the ocean a week from now." "It'll be all yours." "Do you wish you were me?" "No, I like it." "Good teachers, lame teachers, the boring reading, all of it." "You'll have fun though." "You can live like, what's his name, your surf guy." "That can be you." "It was a fun summer." "It really was." "Thank you." " Hello?" " Hello?" " I'm dialing you." " I'm dialing you too." "I would like to see you." "Can I make a time to see you?" "If I told you where to meet me, would you come here?" "He's here." "Gotcha." "Hey, I think we met before." "Ian." "Right, hey." "How you doing?" "Uh, is my mom here?" "I think I saw her." "Is that her?" "Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" "What's up?" "The most dangerous part of surfing is entering and exiting the water." "Yes, it is." "It is." "Wow, Jackie." "Happy birthday." "Don't you have a job?" "I was fired." "Turns out if you just stop answering your phone..." "So listen." "There's no way else to say this." "There's no way you're not going to hate it." "In fact, I don't think there's any way you're gonna do anything other than scream at me and forbid me from doing it," "but I'm staying." " Staying where?" " In Los Angeles." "There's no point in talking about collective IQ." "There's no sport in it." "By the time you drive to a museum you've lost the will to look at a painting, so it's hardly a decision based on culture, but I'm staying." "Here." "I'm going to say something." "And I don't care if you believe me, because I'll prove it to be true." "You don't have to see me." "I'll be here." "If I see you somewhere, if I run into you," "I'll say hello and let you go on your way." "You know I'd give everything I might ever hope to have to spend time with you, but if you don't want that..." "It's okay." "I just need nothing." "Do you mean you need something, or that you don't need anything?" "Being here is corrupting your English, Jackie." "I need nothing." "The nothing that is here." " So..." " I'm going back." "I begged the school." "Blamed it on you, which seemed to work." "They're taking me back." "I'm leaving tomorrow." "Good luck!" "It's okay, you can say you'll miss me." "I'll miss you so much." "You know, I've pissed away a good amount of our money here." "Was your father on board with this crazy school thing you're wanting to do?" "He is." "What did he say?" "Whatever makes me happy." "How does he do that?" "I don't want to live to work." "Okay." "I will see you." "I'll be around." "You'll go there." "Life is long." "It is." "What was the idea for the end of the story?" "That she jumps." "And she falls." "And nothing catches her." "And she cracks her head open and dies." " Wow." " It might need a little work." " Carry your board?" " Thank you, Angelo." "You got it, kidget." "Did you bring your board?"