"Ialways want to be around" "Boys, crazy boys" "Crazy boys" ""Cause I"m boy crazy" "Crazy for boys" "No, no, I wasn`t sleeping, I was just," "I was trying to picture how these three women look now after," "Nearly 40, -,40 years, yeah," "And I was just getting a Iittle nauseous," "But look at the grosses on the re-release," "Yeah, I saw them, Yeah, 14 million opening weekend," "It`s expected to do at Ieast 50, 50?" "And you want me to suggest to Mr, Stern exactly what now?" "Well, sir, I was thinking," "Remember your last thought?" "Remember, huh?" "When we opened the sunken treasure chest on live TV," "And what happened, Tom?" "What happened?" "It was empty, sir, But," "Right, Hold on a second, Wait, wait," "You want me to suggest to Mr, Stern that we remake some rusty old road movie" "with three has-been geriatrics," "No, no, Not remake," "Reunite the stars, and have them sing the hits from the film on live television," "I mean, they`re icons, People would tune in just to see if they`re still alive," "I wasn`t listening to you just now, I was having a brilliant thought," "Instead of whatever you just said, we should reunite the stars and have them sing the hits of the movie on live television," "I mean, people will tune in just to see if they`re alive," "But there is just one problem:" "They hate each other," "They hate each other on Jerry Springer and that goes through the roof," "Okay, so who could we get to produce this spectacle?" "Who could we get?" "Well, there is one guy," "Yes?" ",who might be able to help get them together, keep the peace," "Yes," "You know, one of them is his mother," "You`re not gonna tell me who it is, are you?" "You want me to beg like a schnauzer?" "It`s Wesley Westbourne, sir," "Am I supposed to know who that is?" "Well, he`s the one who does the documentaries on PBS," "He`s been pitching this deadly idea for a series of nineteenth century First Ladies," "Well, get him into the office!" "I just warn you, though," "He`s a bit dry and pretentious, so you may wanna humor him a bit," "I`m sorry, It just seemed like you thought you were talking to someone who wasn`t in the business," "Yeah, well, you know, I just," "Mrs, Ida Saxton McKinley," "I have goose bumps," "I have, I mean, I don`t know about you, but keep going, This is," "President William McKinley`s wife," "Duh!" "She`s only a personal idol of mine," "Who do you see in the role of Ms, McKinsey?" "McKinley, Well, I thought," "I have two words for you, Farrah," "I Iove it, I Iove it, I Iove it, We`re making it, We`re doing it, I Iove it," "Great," "What is this, an outline?" "Oh, my God, look at this, I smell ratings, Oh, my God, I`m so excited right now," "I`m about to pass an Emmy, This is fantastic, This is great," "Now, there is one little thing I need you to do for me first," "Okay?" "So you said yes, right?" "Connie, these women hate each other and don`t speak," "I haven`t spoken to my mother in two years, as you may recall," "Well, it sounds like you may have to break the silence," "No, I don`t have to," "Wesley, are you telling me you`re gonna give up a chance to do your dream project just because you don`t wanna talk to your mommy?" "They`re old ladies now, What can they do to you?" "Anyway, I think it`s a great idea, I`d watch," "Right after I watched your show on Ida Stockton McKinley," "It`s Saxton McKinley, It has no redeeming social value," "Hey, you guys, get in here, You gotta check this out," "Tired of teen angst comedies and carnage?" "Well, apparently so is the rest of America, because the surprise box office winner this weekend was the re-release of the 1960s feel-good musical Boy Crazy," "We spoke to Boy Crazy star and new age zealot, Kate Westbourne, in her present incarnation as Mame." "So, Ms. Westbourne, are you surprised to be in a hit movie again after all these years?" "My dear, I"ve had an audience since I was 17-years-old." "I can`t do this," "And I certainly make it a point never to appear surprised." "It"s not a flattering look." "That`s my momma," "But it is amazing." "No, this movie is one of many, many good movies that I have made over a very long career." "Five minutes, Ms. Westbourne." "Now, if you"ll excuse me." "That broad is a piece of work," "You know how some people have fantasies of growing up in Hollywood with movie-star parents?" "Well, my fantasy is everyone else`s reality," "I wish that, instead of being adopted by a movie star," "I was adopted by just regular parents with siblings, a mom cooking dinner in the kitchen, a dad coming home from work," "giving me chores," "And you know what, buddy?" "If that happened, you would wish you were adopted by the movie star," "Well, maybe, But a different movie star," "One who`s, I don`t know, capable of showing affection," "Who?" "Joan Crawford?" "We caught up with perky Piper Grayson at her struggling Las Vegas casino, where she was as incessantly upbeat as ever." "Last week, you could hear a chip drop in this place." "Then the movie came out and now I"ve got a full house." "It"s so exciting." "She`s cute," "They"re winning." "Come on down." "What are we talking about?" "I can`t do this, I`m a serious documentarian," "So be that, after you be this," "Anyway, didn`t you say your mother`s business manager robbed her blind?" "The youngest, Peggy, is the head writer on the irreverent sitcom, Shut Up, Momma," "We were unable to get an interview with sex symbol, Addie Holden, who"s been living in luxurious seclusion..." "Nice wig, -...since the 1991 incarceration of her mobster boyfriend, Tony ""the Meatpacker"" Frank." "Ten years ago, Frank was imprisoned for loan-sharking and soliciting murder." "Since his arrest, Ms. Holden has faithfully visited her paramour and she was once fined for exposing herself through the Plexiglas window during visiting hours." "Come on, admit it, You`re kind of liking the idea," "And, hey, play your cards right and you may even get me as an assistant," "I hate the idea, But Iet`s face it, I need this job," "My mother needs it, And apparently, you need it, too," "It`s a package deal, So, we`II do it," "Yeah, sure, We`II do it, Whether or not I get these ladies to do it, that`s a whole other matter," "Is my husband winning?" "Hit him, George!" "If you don`t, I will," "Everybody wave to my husband of 42 years, Bill, the big love of my Iife," "I Iove you, honey," "Go on, everybody, Wave to Bill," "Wave to Bill, He`s so cute, So cute," "Hello, dear," "Hello, Ms, Grayson," "I`m Wesley Westbourne," "Well, well!" "Your parents must`ve been big fans," "You have the same name as Kate Westbourne`s adopted son, Wesley," "No, I am Wesley," "Really?" "You don`t look anything like her," "Well, as you mentioned, I am adopted," "I never had to adopt," "AII Bill had to do was just look at me funny and I got pregnant," "You know, after four children, I had to, I had to beg him to look away and get a vasectomy," "Well, now, you didn`t come here to hear about my sex life," "Or did you?" "No, I, Thank you," "You can pay for it over there," "Great," "10 dollars," "But, you know," "There you go," "Is there somewhere we can talk?" "No, I couldn`t even look at those two again, after what I`ve seen them do," "I just recently got over this, you know, I mean, I almost had to see a psychoanalyst," "Addie and your mother were like rabbits, thumping and humping and the trailers were rocking, dresses were lifted," "They were like, Iike," "Rabbits?" "I already said that," "No, no, No, no, They were worse than rabbits because rabbits are cute and fluffy," "They don`t have breasts heaving in front of the crew and little lace undies dangled in front of the director, They were both" "doing the nasty with the director," "I can`t quite picture my mother having relations," "Well, how do you think you were born?" "You," "That`s right, that`s right, You were adopted," "Well, knowing your mother, I`m sure she slept with everybody at the adoption agency, although I`m sure that menopause put an end to that," "Dried me out completely," "Wow," "Well, she certainly looks dried out, I say that with great love," "Memory fades, you know, then the face goes and then the bosoms go, and the privates and the derriere, No, I`m not going to face those hussies," "No!" "I`m not!" "No, no, no," "Your life seems so much better than theirs," "You have a husband and four children who love you and this casino," "Go away from me, now," "This could," "No!" "Get away from me!" "What`s going on?" "No, And the costumes were horrible, I Iooked like an egg with hair," "They got the best dresses," "I`m not gonna say it twice, mister, Scram," "We could put you in any costume that you," "Come on, Now, listen to me," "I`m an ex-Marine and in WWII, I pulled a man`s face off with just these two fingers," "I didn`t enjoy it,much, But I`d do it again," "I Iooked like a tap-dancing mushroom," "I`m sorry, I`m so, so sorry," "I did not mean to," "Don`t touch, no touching," "No!" "No, no, nothing, No touch, no touching," "I`m going, I`m going, I`m gone, I`m gone," "What`s your business?" "Who is it, Leo?" "Yeah, I got a message from Mr, Frank, My father`s bunking with him in prison," "Put the blindfold on and send him in." "The blindfold?" "She`s been in an accident," "I just can`t believe that Tony wants me to do this, He was the reason I retired," "It`s a favor for a friend, I can`t tell you anything more than that," "I`m sure Tony will be proud for everyone to see how good you look," "And you`re bound to look younger than anybody else since you had the face," "Zip it, Mother," "So is everyone else doing it?" "Is that Westbourne tramp doing it?" "Yeah, she`II be doing it," "I wouldn`t be so sure about that," "I suppose you heard about the fight we had?" "Yeah, you and Mrs, Westbourne both had relations with the director," "Not at the same time, obviously, I`m quite sure she wasn`t as imaginative or sensual or acrobatic as I was, but basically, yes, we did," "And the director, that awful Dick Preston with the freckled penis, God rest his soul, he made the first move on me," "Freckled?" "You know, this is perhaps too much information," "I used to call him "the Spotted Dick,"" "after the English pudding," "Right," "Anyway, after he and I got together, he dumped your mother," "Yes, I know, You`re Kate`s son, aren`t you?" "It`s Wesley, isn`t it?" "How did you know?" "You`re sneaky, just like she is," "That red-headed witch, You don`t mind if I call your mother a witch, do you?" "Everyone else does," "Ms, Hoity-Toity here didn`t bother to introduce us," "I`m her mother, you believe that?" "I`m Miriam Hodges," "You`re American?" "I`m a Yankee Doodle Dandy," "But," "That`s her Hollywood voice," "Can it, Mummy, dearest, I was educated in England," "If you say so, Countess," "Don`t take any notice of her, She`s senile," "I wish I were senile, Then I could forget how crazy," "One more word out of you and it`s back to the Drool Academy for the Aged, Okay?" "AII right, Where were we?" "Yes, AII right, I`II do it," "If the other two do it, But I guarantee you, you will not talk that old bat into it," "I don`t think it`II be too hard to convince my own mother," "Come in," "Hi," "Get out," "It`s so good to see you too, Mother," "Stop it," "Since you have not spoken to me in I don`t know how long, give me one good reason why I should speak with you," "Well, I believe it is you who have not spoken to me," "Well, we`re speaking now," "I have a job for you," "I know about this job," "But you did not have a job for me when you were making that Mary Todd Lincoln show," "And you know I wanted to play Mary Todd Lincoln," "I see spirits too, And I can be dignified!" "Mother, I was making a documentary on Mrs, Lincoln," "We used old photos and drawings, There were no actors," "You need this job, desperately, Your last two business managers cleaned you out," "You`re in debt up to your," "I would rather get a barium enema on live TV than work with that tramp again," "What tramp?" "The one you went to before you came to me," "I wasn`t born yesterday," "Yeah, I`II say," "I`m offering you the chance to make a comeback, to make some serious money," "Forgive me, I`m a horrible excuse for a son!" "But why can`t I star in this TV show all by myself?" "I am the only one that`s still legitimately working, you know that," "Addie`s a gangster`s moll and Piper has some saloon so she can sing in it," "Mother," "And I, No!" "No!" "No!" "No, no, no!" "My inner child is having such a tantrum," "It`s criminal what you do to my third chakra," "Forget it, You know what?" "You`re doing great," "Keep doing Mame on the road and wash your underwear out in the sink, using tiny, teeny hotel soaps," "Forget that this could also help my career so that I could support you in your old age," "Age is not exactly a heart-melter for me, Wesley, Have a rice cake," "And don`t let it bother you that if you don`t do this show, I will be forced to write a tell-all book chronicling, for example, that you used to beat me," "I wish I had," "How about that time that you set my friend Jeremy on fire?" "He got too close to my cigarette, And, anyway, his hair grew back," "Who they gonna believe, Mother?" "You or me?" "You`re a brat, I should never have taught you to speak," "So what`s it gonna be?" "Write your little tell-all book," "See how far it gets you," "Why are we so horrible to each other?" "Well, that`s simple," "We have an SM relationship," "Son and mother," "What do you mean, you`ve never heard of Beryl Mason?" "She was the biggest agent in Hollywood," "When was this?" "In the `50s and the `60s and the `70s," "Well, we weren`t all raised in Hollywood, you know?" "Well, look, Beryl is still these three Iadies` agent, and if anyone could talk them into doing the special, it would be her," "But I gotta tell you, she`s kind of scary," "When my mom brought me here as a kid, I`d always get nosebleeds," "Okay, now the reason for you begging me to come becomes clear," "Ben, if Beryl is anything like what she used to be, she stays in bed all day, eating and talking on the phone and smoking pot and watching documentaries about dead people, It makes her feel better about herself," "Hold it, Wait, Then I can`t go in there, because you know how I am around people who smoke pot," "I get a contact high," "You`II be fine," "She`II behave, Let`s go," "Hello, Beryl," "I Iove this part," "Sit, Sit," "You gotta hand it to this country, We really pulled it together for D-day," "Hitler must have felt like such a total schmuck," "So, Wesley," "Beryl, you look fantastic," "Bull, I`m as big as a bungalow," "Who`s that?" "This is Ben, Ben Collier," "Sit down," "Tell me what you need besides a drink," "Rose, bring in the trays," "Just a nice little afternoon snack," "So, Iet`s get down to business," "Okay, Well, I was thinking," "Wait, Before you start, Iet me put my head to one side and listen to you with the part of my brain that might believe the crap you`re about to tell me," "like I already didn`t know you went to all three of these women without calling me, their agent!" "I was," "As punishment, 15% of what they make and 15%% of what you make," "I don`t think," "Nonnegotiable," "But, I," "And no Iegwork," "It`s illegal," "You`re doing the roundup," "Take it or leave it," "Well," "I said nonnegotiable," "plus I`m co-producer," "Oh, no," "And if you interrupt me one more time," "I`II be directing the bloody thing from this bed," "So, how long have you been here?" "Hey!" "So, all the women are committed, right?" "Well, I spoke to Beryl Mason, It`s as good as done," "Done is as good as done," "Anything less than done doesn`t quite measure up," "Wesley, we don`t need that washed-up, has-been pothead agent, Beryl Mason," "It`s nonnegotiable, I couldn`t pull it off without her," "Okay, now that`s clearer," "But I have a great idea," "I`m frightened," "Why don`t I introduce you to the ladies?" "And we can just sit down and hammer out the fine points of the deal," "Okay," "Okay?" "Good," "It`s good for you?" "I`m so relieved," "Oh, my God, it`s the Pope," "No way," "And that endless shoot in the sweltering heat, and that idiotic flower dirndl dress they gave me to wear," "I Iooked like a 15-year-old pregnant hillbilly," "Like it`s bad to look 15?" "This isn`t about the costume, It`s about Freddy, isn`t it?" "Freddy Hunter?" "please, I haven`t thought about him in ages," "Because if it is, I wanted to remind you it all happened so long ago" "when we were so young," "Well, Iet`s just drop it, okay?" "I forgave you years ago, So Iet`s move on," "Okay," "Great," "Good," "Grand," "Groovy," "And besides, everybody knows you`re a very sick woman, a card-carrying nymphomaniac," "Nympho!" "You think any woman who had a normal, healthy sex life was a nymphomaniac," "Well, I enjoy sex, but you, If a man was on fire, you`d stamp him out and screw him," "See, I think of sex as a language and I`m fluent in it," "You, Well, for you, it`s a second language," "Piper, I did you a favor by taking away Freddy," "A favor is doing something for someone that they are unable to do for themselves," "I was perfectly capable of losing Freddy on my own," "After I`d had my tonsils taken out, I couldn`t speak," "Now, you know what that must`ve been like for me, So I drank," "And I went on a weeklong bender that ended up with Freddy," "It was all in the note of atonement I sent you," "I didn`t get any note," "Anyway, I was with Freddy because I was in a blackout," "What`s your excuse?" "He gave me a red convertible and my mother told me to, She thought he was Italian," "And you do everything your mother tells you to," "Less, now that she`s dead," "The whole thing with Freddy was a nightmare," "I mean, the man had skinny little hairless legs and a saggy ass," "It was like coupling with a clothespin," "How vivid," "Yes, So what about the special?" "I don`t need it, You know my casino`s doing very well," "I mean, you couldn`t really pay me enough money to, Really?" "Well, that`s fine, That`II just do fine, I`m in," "Of course, I don`t like those two other women," "And I still resent you, There aren`t any tonsils left in there, are there?" "Because I don`t wanna worry about you around my husband, Bill," "please, I spend most of my time in bed," "Well, from what I understand, you can do quite a Iot of damage in bed," "Wesley," "Mother, you look great," "Bill, how are you?" "Kate, It`s so long," "Nice to see you, You know, I can`t believe that these amusing boys are businessmen," "You know, in my day, the studio executives were all fat and ugly and smelled of cigars, but you boys look like models," "Ms, Holden," "Wesley, Call me Addie," "You remember my mother from Kansas?" "Of course," "Ms, Mason will see you all now," "Piper`s not here yet," "Don`t worry, She`s already upstairs, It`s a Iove-in," "Okay," "Grandma, Tom," "Right," "Hello, girls," "Hi, Piper, You look wonderful," "Addie," "Piper, how are you?" "Beryl," "One more facelift and she`II blow her nose through her forehead," "Excuse me, Mrs, Munster," "It`s Gidget goes to seed," "Someone swallowed a boulder," "Look over there, dear," "It`s Queen elizabeth and her mother Ethel," "How are you, Kate?" "I`m very well, Thank you," "You`re looking grand, I Iove your turban," "Yes, I Iove your wig," "No, no, no, It`s not a wig," "Really?" "AII right!" "Enough!" "AII right!" "Let`s just get this thing over with," "I assume you and Wesley have discussed some preliminary figures?" "But I wanted to show you a number for each of these ladies, that I think is closer to the mark," "Okay," "Ladies, will you excuse me a minute?" "Come," "You sons of bitches," "Don`t you kids know that these women are the only icons we have left?" "AII the men are dead," "I can certainly see why," "You want us to go to another network?" "Because the other networks eat this stuff up," "Yeah, sure, in syndication," "Got to hand it to her, she hasn`t lost her touch," "No, Smoking kills," "Let her smoke, But, dear, you really should try a thinner cigarette," "It decreases the proliferation of the lip lines," "At least I have lips," "I think my little girl looks wonderful, You know, she just had a," "Zip it, Mother, I just had a Iittle Iiposuction, That`s what keeps my waist so tiny," "Something you could use," "AII the fat just goes to another place," "You know, I had a friend who Iipoed her stomach and within several months, she looked just like Jabba the Hutt," "Who`s Jabba the Hutt?" "It`s a sea slug, Mummy, from outer space," "And it`s not a compliment," "I had to have the Iipo, I was puffy from an accident," "Yes, of course," "Isn`t it odd how every four years or so you have some sort of accident, and each time you end up looking more and more like a wide-mouthed sea bass?" "Ladies, we have a deal," "Well, Addie`s not here yet," "Well, I`m sure she has a perfectly good explanation," "No, no, you idiot, When I ordered a shiatsu, I meant a massage, Not a dog," "I`m so sorry I`m late, You cannot believe what happened to me," "What?" "It was an absolute nightmare," "I had to change my entire outfit because I had a run in my tights," "You sure it wasn`t a varicose vein?" "Yes, I`m quite sure," "And didn`t we have a favored nations clause?" "Yes, Where none of us were supposed to bring additional people," "The word "entourage" comes to mind," ""Parade,"" "You know what?" "What?" "You really need to do something" "about all these people," "No, no, no, Tony insists I have at Ieast" "one bodyguard," "No," "What does she need a bodyguard for?" "Nobody would want her body in the first place," "What about Mummy?" "Okay, Mommy," "Okay," "Thank you," "Run on," "AII right, girls," "I am so thrilled to be directing real stars here," "So why don`t we just sidle on up to the piano here" "and see how much of this you remember," "AII right," "On the top of Boy Crazy." "Yes, Boy Crazy." "Great," "I..." "I..." "I like the way that they dance I"m boy crazy" "I..." "I like the cut of their pants I"m boy..." "Keep going, keep going, That was great, That was great," "I`II be right back," "Is there a problem?" "I`II be right back, too," "Let`s take it from the top of the song," "Is it okay?" "Could you do it in my key?" "No, no, That was much too low for me," "That is the funniest thing I`ve ever seen in my entire life," "This is gonna be so hilarious," "No, it`s not supposed to be funny," "I know one of them is your mother," "But that is not your fault," ""I`m boy crazy,"" "You know what it should be?" ""I`m Medicare crazy,"" "Hey, you gotta pull yourself together here," "I know, I know, I`m sorry, I`m sorry," "Okay, I`II calm down," "Excuse me, but is that alcohol?" ""Excuse me, but is that alcohol?" Yes!" "Yes, it`s alcohol," "I`d like to see anybody do this sober," "Well, someone will do it sober because you`re fired," "Ladies, I have some potentially good news, really," "It seems that Roger," "We know, dear, We heard, Fired," "I have an idea, though," "It`s all our idea," "No, it wasn`t, It was my idea, I brought it up and you agreed," "Don`t you remember?" "No, It was my idea, I was the," "It was not," "Okay, okay, What`s the idea?" "We want you to direct the special," "Me?" "No, That`s sweet, but I make documentaries," "No, Don`t put yourself down," "It`s in your blood, dear," "My blood?" "I`m adopted," "Wesley, you`re like my children, You were raised on movie sets," "I breastfed the twins during dailies," "It was sickening, And besides, we never listen to the director anyway," "We know what you do with the director," "What I do with the director?" "Well, look who`s talking," "Now, ladies, Dignity!" "Dignity!" "Manners," "That`s right, So it`s settled," "You`II direct, Onward and upward," "But," "There," "We have," "Right," "Who has the first line?" "Me," "No, I," "You fall for any old line?" "What are you, a moron?" "God!" "Who am I asking?" "Everybody knows Roger`s a drunk, okay?" "But at Ieast he`s a semi-successful director," "You`re not even a semi-successful producer, You, forgive me for saying, are a son," "Gavin, I could do this," "AII righty, then, Now there`s two things you can screw up producing and directing," "Thank you for your support," "You want support?" "Get a training bra," "You better make this work, You better make this work, Westbourne, or you and your career are gonna be like President McKinsey`s wife, Dead and buried," "McKinley," "I said that," "Those actresses are so self-involved," "Mother, you`re an actress," "You forget I wrote a book," "Yeah, An autobiography called Me, Me, Me." "Well, sometimes you don`t even act like you`re my son, Wesley," "Well, sometimes you don`t even act like you`re my mother," "Come on, I`ve given you everything a child could want," "Toys, love, publicity," "Listen, tomorrow morning I`m gonna be a Iittle bit late because I have a power peel and a bikini wax," "Give me a kiss, Thank you," "Wesley, give me that costume." "I want the red one, not the green one." "Wake up, You`re having a nightmare," "You promised me great costumes." "This is too tight." "Connie," "God, it was so horrible," "It was so real, It was my mother and Addie and Piper and they were this hideous fire-breathing, three-headed gargoyle monster who wanted to talk to me about the show and who had the most fabulous costumes, and I can`t do this," "What`s really going on?" "I just think people are gonna say that I`m setting up housekeeping in my mother`s shadow," "Why?" "Connie, when I was growing up," "I just wanted to fit in, and after years of struggling" "I finally do get to a place where I could succeed or I could fail on my own terms, and now I`m right back at a place that I just don`t wanna be at," "Kate Westbourne`s son, And if I do fail at this, I`m just gonna be known as," ""What`s his name?" "Kate Westbourne`s Ioser son,"" "That`s ridiculous," "You`re helping your mother financially and you`re gonna get your series on the air," "Even your mother will respect that," "Let me put this in a way you`II understand," "Not a chance, My mother will never respect me," "You`re expecting her to behave like a human being," "You`re forgetting one thing that she never forgets, She is a star," "Pete, take it," "Okay, ladies, It`s just the three of you today, No boys," "Everybody, we`re gonna face front towards the mirrors," "Now, I put marks down for rehearsal," "Piper, front and right, Addie, front and left," "And Kate, center back," "No, no, I want to be in the center front, because I`m tallest," "Since I`m the youngest, I should be in the center," "Welcome to the Land of Delusion, Population: both of you," "Ladies, ladies, could we just try this Pete`s way for now?" "please," "Okay," "Okay," "Good," "Okay, ladies, Point shoulder up, down, Rudy, take it from the top of Boy Crazy." "I..." "I like the way that they dance I"m boy crazy" "I..." "I like..." "Piper, Piper, Piper, We`re not singing today," "No, it`s just a dance rehearsal, But you know what?" "That does remind me, When we do sing these songs, back from our younger days, maybe we could frame them, you know, with a nice little intro, something along the lines of," ""Remember way back when?" Or, "Say, here`s a trip down memory lane,"" "Okay?" "Let`s try that, shall we?" "Super," "Okay, ladies, Let me show you from the top, AII right?" "Five, six, seven, eight, Toe point, toe to drop," "Step, flick, step, down, turn and step," "Wait a minute, You`re going too fast," "Step, kick, down, step," "How can we get this?" "Now, wait a minute," "Reach and step, Reach and turn," "Reach, turn, Hip, Ball change," "Step, reach and pop," "Wonderful," "I`d have an easier time typing that than dancing it," "Ladies, ladies, we are on the right track," "Sure," "Whose track?" "Look, we`II break it down," "Here we go, ladies, Here we go," "Five, six, seven," "Wait a minute, Wait, wait, wait," "Wait a minute, -,eight, Toe, point, shoulder, down," "Reach, Swing, Swing that leg out, Swing the leg out," "If you spent more time practicing your steps" "instead of that phony accent," "Get away from me, Stop it!" "Ladies, Iet me help you up," "I`II get up myself," "And she kicked me with that great big green leg of hers," "Ladies, Ladies, please," "Shut up!" "What is it you want?" "I need to talk to Ms, Holden, privately," "Why?" "I mean, it just concerns you, privately," "Me?" "AII right," "Come on," "Just make it quick," "Can we work?" "And forget the turn!" "Okay, thank you," "Five, six, seven and point," "What?" "Oh, my God," "What?" "What`s the matter?" "It`s my boyfriend, Tony," "He`s had a heart attack in jail and," "And what?" "please, God, make this a tiny "and,"" "Well, he has a Iittle heart condition and so they put him in an ambulance and took him off to the hospital and somehow or another, en route, he escaped," "Oh, my God, Is he dangerous?" "Are the two of you on good terms?" "Tony`s not dangerous, He adores me, No, he would never do anything to hurt me," "And besides, he`s an old man with a heart attack, What can he do?" "Come on, Iet`s get back to the number," "Wait, wait, We have to do something, Increase security or," "No, she`s right, Let`s go back to work, I need to stretch my legs," "Let`s not have anyone talk of heart attacks and jail, Let`s have music and joy," "AII right, Let`s play some piano," "Here we go, from the top, Five, six, seven and step, shoulder, up, down, flick," "Hey, look, If I had her waiting for me, I`d break out of prison, too," "I mean, look at this girl, That`s one good looking lady," "Gavin, I may be mistaken, but" "I think she was very much alive at the start of World War II," "Yeah?" "And I would love to have gotten in the trenches with her, Look at that," "God, you need help," "I mean, so what?" "So she`s got a few years on me, You know what?" "I Iike those years on me, Yeah, Come on," "Look, this is the first break we`ve had, It`s getting us tons of publicity," "The phones are ringing off the hook, I`m proud of you, now get out of here," "Cheryl, send Addie some flowers, And write a note," "And Iet`s give it a personal touch, "Sorry about your boyfriend," ""blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, With love,"" "And hold all calls," "Room service for Ms, Holden," "Could you turn around please?" "Put your arms out," "Who is it?" "Room service," "I didn`t order room service," "It`s courtesy of the production office," "How nice," "There you go," "Thank you," "Cannolis, My favorite," "Help me out of this thing!" "Tony!" "Oh, my God," "Tony, you scared me to death, Are you crazy?" "Ms, Holden, are you okay in there?" "Yes, Officer, Everything`s fine, I tripped over my makeup mirror cord and it smashed, But I`m fine, Keep up the good work," "Okay," "You should not be here, This is the first place they`II expect you to come," "So what?" "I mean, what are they gonna give me?" "Life in prison?" "I`m scared, I`II tell you the worst thing that can happen to me," "I heard you were doing another show," "I got very upset," "I had a heart attack, I mean, didn`t we have an agreement that you weren`t gonna do no more shows?" "Yes, Tony, we did, Tony, you know I adore you and you give me everything, but I was lonely for my fans and, Iet`s face it, you wouldn`t have wanted me if you hadn`t seen me perform," "Well, here I am, So you can perform for me," "Where am I supposed to hide you?" "I`m harboring a criminal," "Well, harbor me good, babe, because this boat hasn`t been docked in years," "Why must you always be so vulgar?" "You love it, and I`m born to be, right?" "You remember the time," "Yes," "Yeah, that was great," "Get down there," "So you`re gonna start right there, just like we did in Paris," "Good on the dive, Sharper, And turn, Whack, whack, Good, Good," "Connie, remind me I gotta talk to Nolan about Beat It Down." "Good morning, everybody," "Good morning," "Good morning, you lovely, lovely ladies," "What are you so chipper about?" "Well, why shouldn`t I be chipper?" "The sky is blue, traffic is light, my hips are tiny and I`m working again with such good friends," "You`re hiding Tony in your room," "Who?" "Come off it, When a woman is cheerful and has a hickey on her neck, there`s a man behind it," "AII right, I am hiding him, But don`t tell anyone, please," "You can`t do that, you know, It`s aiding and abetting," "Yes, You`re housing a criminal, which is a crime, and crime is against the Iaw," "Let me just have him for a Iittle while longer, I`m having multiples," "It`s absolutely amazing, This man can go for hours," "It`s some sort of tantric thing they learn in jail," "You`d Iove it," "What if you get caught?" "Look, just one more night, Any more and I can`t take it," "Look, if you asked me to hide your boyfriend who`d just broken out of jail," "I`d do it for you, And you," "Multiples?" "Tantric?" "Tantric," "Tony, that was so incredible," "Bet you never got anything like that in jail, huh?" "You were never anybody`s girl, were you, Tony?" "You don`t have to answer that," "So, does Big Tony wanna come out and play again?" "Round number four, Tony?" "Tony?" "Tony!" "Addie, what is it?" "What?" "It`s Tony, I think he`s," "Having an extended senior moment," "Very rude?" "No, no, I think I shtupped him to death!" "Dear, you did the right thing, I`m sure that`s what he would have wanted," "Yeah, He`s gone," "But don`t be upset at it, because death is never the end," "It`s the beginning of a new incarnation," "Yes, You know, that`s true, Bill is always asking me to boff him to death," "I know you`re upset, but would you have the decency to cover the man?" "It is not one of my goals in life to see a dead mobster`s butt," "We have got to get rid of this body, This is very incriminating," "This could create all kinds of negative publicity for me, and the show, of course," "Well, no offense, but he`s a dead weight now," "And how do you suggest we do that?" "I don`t know, At least Iet`s get him off the bed!" "Well, Iet`s do it together," "Let`s roll him off," "On the count of three," "One, two, three!" "One, two, three!" "Addie Sue?" "Are you all right, honey?" "I thought that I heard," "Addie Sue?" "Quiet!" "Yes, Mummy, Tony`s dead," "I`m amazed that he lived this long, What I`m reacting to is the size of his," "If you must know, his jumbo," "No wonder you stayed with him so long," "Is rigor mortis setting in?" "Or was he always like that?" "Okay, okay, put a sock in it!" "I`m having a heck of a time hearing myself think here!" "What happened to your accent?" "You see, you rattle her enough, she can talk just like you and me," "Shut your trap, Ma," "Ladies, Iet us think, precisely and concisely," "Right, Mummy, give me your robe," "But why my robe?" "I`m certainly not gonna wear it again after that`s brushed up against it," "I`II buy you another robe, Mummy," "Come on, where`s the pioneer spirit that got us out of Kansas?" "So what`s the idea after we get him into the robe?" "Well, I think that we should create some sort of a diversion, and then we`II carry his body outside and leave it somewhere casually," "Where?" "With the bellboy?" "Poolside," "In the gift shop?" "I just want him out of my room, okay?" "Spare us!" "Spare us the drama, Addie, Put the robe on him," "Why don`t we all do it together, for old times` sake?" "Oh, God, my memory is so hazy, Addie Sue," "I just don`t remember an old time like that particularly," "Push him up," "Heavy for a Iittle guy," "If you don`t know what to do, don`t push him towards me, He`s too heavy!" "Put his arm in the robe," "I can`t get it in," "He`s just gonna fall over," "Put it in," "AII right, I`II hold," "Oh, God!" "Get him off me, He`s poking me!" "Is everything all right in there?" "Yes, Officer, Everything`s fine," "Everything`s fine in here, Mr, Policeman," "I don`t think you should leave my robe over that, It looks like a teepee," "I wouldn`t touch that with a ten foot pole," "It is a ten foot pole," "Thank you," "Ma`am," "Fire!" "Remain calm!" "Remain calm!" "Take the stairs," "Take the stairs, Follow me," "Stay away from the elevators, Take the stairs and stay away from the elevator," "You need a waxing," "This way," "Ms, Holden, Aren`t you Addie Holden?" "No!" "Heave him over, Just put him in the chair, Try to put him in the chair," "Here, grab a leg, grab a leg," "Grab anything," "Call 911," "Tony!" "Goodbye, Tony, my love, And my very best," "You were the best I ever had, darling," "Oh, God, Spare us, Grieve in your room, Addie, please, this is ridiculous," "Go upstairs!" "AII right," "Good luck in your new incarnation, Perhaps I`II see you there," "God rest your soul, Let`s get the hell out of here," "Did you notice how tiny his feet were?" "I guess that old adage doesn`t ring true," "Big nose, big," "Don`t you dare!" "Excuse us!" "Excuse me," "Arrivederci, Tony" "Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye" "Yeah?" "There they are," "A senior citizen`s arrest," "I get final approval of all these pictures!" "Didn`t anyone ever tell you that a woman should be lit from below?" "Wait!" "No!" "There`s no filter on that lens, and I`m always shot from the Ieft!" "Thanks, boys, This will make a swell Christmas card," "Get them," "I bet they haven`t had any in years," "She`s had quite a bit very, very recently," "Just screwed a man to death," "I did not," "Maybe I did," "Mom?" "Wesley," "Honey?" "Honey!" "My baby!" "Addie?" "Oh, my God, look at," "Addie, Addie!" "We were just," "Laurie Miller, KRTW," "Can you tell us what happened?" "Yes, It`s really very simple, The," "The deceased, Mr, Marshall, he broke into my room, and he tried to force himself onto me, and when I resisted he died and so him being nude and all, we slipped him into my mother, Mrs, Hodges," "No, not into me, into my robe," "We slipped him into my mother`s robe, for the sake of common decency, and then the wastepaper basket caught fire and so we took him down to the lobby," "That`s it, That`s all," "End of story," "Well, it is a sympathetic piece," "Sympathetic to you, maybe, but we look like chorus girls in your sordid little tragedy," "It is not a Iittle tragedy, Kate, The man literally died on top of me," "Isn`t that what most men want?" "To die in the saddle?" "It is not that great for the saddle," "No?" "Okay, Let`s do this, Rehearsal`s up," "Fascinating Rhythm." "Yes, absolutely," "Hi, boys," "Hello!" "Hello, hello," "Hi, girls," "Ready?" "Music," "Five, six, seven, eight," "Dipsy doodle, It was all my fault," "No, no, no, no, It was all mine, I bumped into you, I`m so sorry," "Hello, hello, hello," "It was my fault, I bumped into you," "Okay, Hello, Follow me," "Okay," "You ready?" "Music," "Five, six, seven and," "Kate!" "Addie!" "Piper, please!" "Listen, Listen, listen, listen, I have, I have made my statement about Mr, Frank at the press conference last night and that is all I have to say," "You just leave her dead mobster alone!" "Right," "He`s crossed over," "Piper, what do you have to say about reports speculating that there was mob involvement in the fire at your hotel?" "What fire at my hotel?" "Ma`am, it`s blazing out of control," "What?" "Are you sure?" "Well, it`s never done that before," "Bill, did you hear that?" "Well, yeah, it`s," "What does that mean?" "It`s okay, It`II be all right, Yeah," "What are you saying, it`s all right?" "But apparently, it`s not all right," "The Grayson Casino and Hotel is still in flames after firefighters" "barely had time to evacuate," "My mother warned me, Never trust a man!" "No fire insurance!" "Listen, honey I," "You would think, with a name like Bill, you`d know how to pay one!" "No touching." "No touching." "Please." "Come on." "No, no, no." "You can"t be that stupid enough..." "This is a delight!" "You couldn`t pay for that kind of publicity," "Gavin, don`t you think this is gonna be a bit of a setback for Piper?" "They had to sedate her and everything," "Cheryl, Look, I can`t help it if that Iame-o husband of hers didn`t renew their fire insurance, Cheryl!" "flowers to Piper, "Sorry about your hotel," ""One door closes, another one opens," ""blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Sincerely,"" "You want your name on the card?" "No!" "Yeah, sure if there`s room put it on," "But put "Iove," "Love, Wes,"" "Still in the doghouse?" "Yeah, I guess so," "Feeling blue?" "Yeah, kind of," "Well, it wasn`t your fault, you know," "Tell Mama, Tell Mama all, huh?" "Why?" "Poor little Bill, so sad, so blue," "His wife`s a Girl Scout, Such bad wigs, too," "Is my boy Bill in the naughty husband house?" "Yes, Yes," "You know, I`ve always found you very attractive, Bill," "Addie, I`m," "I`m sure you`d like to relax a bit," "Pick up, pick up, pick up," "Pick up," "Piper!" "Are you awake?" "Well, get awake, I know, I know," "Shut up and listen to me for a minute, Get the hell out of bed," "Yeah, yeah, you heard me, If you don`t, Addie`s gonna seduce your husband, just like she seduced Dick behind my back," ",Iike martinis?" "I do," "Peach martinis?" "No," "What kind of," "Bill?" "Honey, I`ve been thinking, I didn`t like that old hotel and we shouldn`t let anything get in the way of us," "Particularly not some cheap, tacky, Iiposuctioned, talentless, off-key, old-bit building, with liver spots all over its arms," "Honey, can Bill, Jr, come out and play the magic flute for little Piper?" "We don`t need a hotel, We just need a hotel room," "You don`t have to ask me twice, baby," "I Iove you," "With make-up as thick as clotted cream" "No you"re not a clown, you"re a drag queen" "Well, if I`ve got the make-up of a drag queen, you`ve got the shoulders," "Hi," "Hi, Hello," "Morning," "Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi," "The network brass and, more importantly, the major sponsors are here" "for the run-through," "Right," "So, Iet me see, How can I put this?" "What`s that word again?" "I see, Yeah, This better not suck, okay?" "Whatever happened to "break a leg"?" "I need this to be good," "I got advertisers coming out of my keester," "You should have that looked at," "Somebody`s growing a backbone," "Break a leg," "And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I present the very first run-through of our salute to Boy Crazy?" "playback," "I like the boys in summer" "And in the fall, same thing" "And when the winter"s cold wind blows" "What better way to warm your toes?" ""Cause even in the wildest snow" "Snow, Cue snow," "They always make it spring" "Where`s the snow?" "I..." "I like the way that they dance" "I"m boy crazy" "Get away from me!" "This is not what we rehearsed," "That`s great, Hey, it`s good news, Really, the doctor told me that" "Piper will cough up acrylic snow for a Iittle bit, but that`s it," "The flakes are completely out of Addie`s eyes," "So her right cornea is a Iittle scratched, Her vision will be a Iittle blurry," "And my mom`s just being treated for minor abrasions, It`s fine," "Yeah, I don`t know if we`re gonna be able to do this," "No?" "It`s a mess," "Yeah, You can`t start the show with that number, It`s a train wreck," "You know, Wesley, I`d say you were a disappointment, but that would imply that I expected more from you, Hold on a second," "I just thought of something, Can you detail cars?" "Do you ever get tired of being such a maggot?" "No, I Iove it, We`re on the air with this thing in two days," "I`II see you in your trailer ASAP, Thank you, ladies, Great effort," "Aye, aye, matey, Wesley, Wesley, please don`t be depressed," "Everything`s gonna be fine, These things have a way of working out," "Did I ever tell you that you remind me of that great director, Billy Wilder?" "Addie, no," "Well, I just want to thank you for bringing joy back into my Iife," "And giving me faith again in the power of entertainment," "Thank you," "You`re very welcome," "Mother, Mother, wait up," "Mother, Kate," "Billy?" "It`s Billy Wilder, for goodness`s sakes!" "I didn`t recognize you without your star of choice, Addie, the suck-up," "please, She was just being nice, -"Being nice,"" "What you call being nice, I call blowing smoke up your butt," "AII she wants is to get the best shots in the special, Wesley," "God forbid you treated me a Iittle better, I am having a bad enough day as it is," "I really don`t need any more grief," "I`m just trying to protect you," "She did the same thing with Dick Preston on the movie in the first place," "For Pete`s sake, Stop being such a control freak," "Act like a mother," "What would you know about mothering?" "You`re just feeding his ego," "What ego?" "You squashed that down years ago," "You`re just jealous because you don`t have a son," "AII you`ve ever had are boyfriends, And now that you`ve killed the Iast one, you`re finally realizing that family is everything," "And since it`s much too late for you to ever start one of your own, you`re trying to steal mine," "I don`t want to steal your precious son," "although it wouldn`t be too difficult, considering how you treat him," "At least I know how to be charming to people and I`m younger and better looking than you," "Darling, you were stealing husbands long before I was born," "Really?" "Really," "Well, if you`re so stunning, with all those liver spots that you call freckles, how come Dick left you for me, huh?" "And you wouldn`t look quite so cutesy pie" "without that stupid wig!" "Stop it," "Leave me alone, you skinny little mutant!" "And Dick Preston did not leave me, He sensed that I was going to leave, and he left first in order to save face," "Well, you`ve never been able to face what really happened," "You have never been able to face anything," "And what is that supposed to mean?" "Let me tell you something that you have never faced," "Wesley bats for the other team," "And I don`t mean baseball," "What the hell are you talking about?" "Kate, your son is gay," "That is ridiculous," "No, What is ridiculous is that you have never noticed," "Did Wesley tell you this?" "Wesley didn`t have to tell me that," "Anyone with an ounce of sensitivity can see it," "Where are you going?" "To Wesley," "Don`t tell him I told you," "Kiss ass," "slag," "That was not a run-through, Okay?" "No, no, Actually, that was a stampede," "No, a stampede would require a real director, You couldn`t direct traffic, you know that?" "You can`t even, What?" "It`s Wesley`s mother," "Busy, Mother," "No, it`s important," "In a meeting," "Wesley, what could possibly be so, Gavin," "Hello, boys, We need to talk," "What do you want, Mother?" "What?" "Do I have to want something?" "Isn`t it all right if I just want to come and talk to my talented son?" "If you are complimenting me, you want something," "Well, you are doing a fantastic job, dear, You are," "We all are," "This must really be important," "Is one of us dying?" "No!" "But apparently one of us is gay," "And who told you that?" "Wesley, I think it`s wonderful, dear," "You know, being in show business, I`ve been around gay people all my Iife," "I sensed it, A mother knows these things," "AII right, Addie told me," "But I am your mother," "I know, Can I get back to work now?" "No, I mean it," "I am your mother," "You`re obviously driving at something here and you are so good at being blunt," "So why don`t you just come out and say it, so I can go back in there" "and get yelled at some more?" "Okay?" "I said it," "I am your mother," "And?" "And," "Dick Preston was your father," "What are you saying?" "My dear, I don`t know how many other ways I can say this," "You are actually my son, You are actually the son of Dick Preston," "We had you together, Do you understand?" "And you`re gay and we`ve all had our little secrets," "You are saying that I`m not adopted?" "That`s right," "You`re saying that Dick Preston was my father?" "Right," "And that you are," "Your mother," "And you`re telling me all of this now to get back at me for not telling you that I was gay?" "Or because Addie told you?" "No, Don`t you, please don`t get upset," "Don`t get upset?" "Why would I get upset?" "You wait half of my Iife to tell me that I am not adopted and that you are my actual, real birth mother and that Dick Preston was my father, And he`s dead now!" ""I`m sorry, I forgot to mention you do have a father, but you don`t really have a father" ""because your father is dead!" "Don`t get upset!"" "Wesley!" "Come on, now," "I`m gonna go to my meeting now," "This is no time to, Wesley!" "Wesley!" "Dear, dear, dear, dear, stop shrieking, You`II ruin your vocal cords," "And besides that, everyone will hear," "Well, I certainly heard, So, Dick Preston fathered your child," "You devious slut!" "Wesley`s Dick`s boy?" "So you deprived Wesley of a father all his life because he dumped you for me?" "You are jealous because I had a child with Dick Preston and all you had was sex," "I wish that in a previous life," "I had ripped out that vicious tongue of yours and flung it in the fire," "please, we can`t go on like this, We can`t go through all this again," "I can`t believe you two keep on mooning about Dick Preston, a man who`s been dead for years and who, after all, had a freckled penis," "What?" "How the hell would you know?" "Yeah, well, I wouldn`t know, I wouldn`t know," "That`s just something that I heard, you know," "He slept with a Iot of people, you know," "Dick slept with women who had normal sexual appetites," "Which you wouldn`t know anything about, because you`re so frigid" "you probably never had an orgasm anyway," "I am not frigid," "And I was having orgasms at the same time you were, With Dick Preston, Satisfied?" "You and Dick," "Pretending to be that little goody-two-shoes virgin when you were just as big a whore as we were," "Dick came to me after he was sick to death of the two of you," "He needed to be around someone with a Iittle class," "A little is right, A very little," "Well, at Ieast I have some," "Which is more than you can say," "You silly, dried-up bimbo!" "I hate you!" "That is so," "Stop that!" "Give me that!" "Stop it, Quit it, Quit it," "Don`t hit me!" "That is so, Stop it, You made my child fatherless," "Stop it, Stop it," "Stop it, Stop it!" "Stop it!" "That`s it, That`s it, Nothing is worth this," "I`m pulling the plug on this sucker, You`re all officially out of a job," "Especially you, Tom, put on a rerun of the Susan Lucci movie and release a statement to the press saying that whatever talent these ladies had, they`ve lost, along with their minds, and their looks, and my interest," "No, No," "Thanks," "You know, the three of you are so bitter about crap that happened so long ago, you don`t even realize what was supposed to happen here," "You`re the stars of a movie that the whole country has fallen in love with again and you don`t even care!" "Boy Crazywas a movie about the joy and the love that three friends could have for each other, and the three of you are just the worst ambassador of that message that the world will ever know," "Wesley!" "Dear heart!" "Love apple!" "Oh, my God, I think she`s having a heart attack," "No, she`s crying, I think," "Don`t be silly, I`ve never seen her cry," "Me neither, But I remember hearing that she tried that once in the Gregory Peck movie, and she had this slice of onion to stick it in her eye and," "please!" "I told Wesley that he was my real son in the most horrible and bizarre way," "And now we`ve lost our jobs and he`s lost his job and," "God, he`II never speak to me again," "There, there, you didn`t mean to tell him in that way," "No, No, no, you`re far too elegant for that," "You would`ve sent him a perfumed note or something," "Yes, right, That`s right, You know, I was thinking last night, you know, I was alone and I couldn`t sleep, so I rented some of Wesley`s," "Those presidential documentaries about mothers, you know, famous mothers," "And it struck me that they`re always famous mothers like us, that they`re always very doting, and they always put their families first," "Piper, that is so profound," "Oh, my God, Oh, my God, I see that now, I`m seeing it so much more clearly," "He needs me, That`s what he needs," "It`s the truth, You know, sweetie, I`ve had four children and you know what?" "What?" "You can fix this thing with Wesley," "No, No, Well, Iet me be clear, No," "We will take a salary cut," "There`s nothing left to cut," "Because you ate it all up in added expenses with your custom gowns and your wig makers and your waxing," "Well, in our days, those things would have been picked up by the studio," "Okay, Well, I guess you`ve been too busy screaming at each other to realize that night has kind of fallen on your day," "Pithy, but rude," "You know, Gavin, when you`re rude your eyes sparkle like a naughty little boy, and I want to hold you to my breast and sing you Irish Iullabies," "Oh, Gavin boy Your pipes, your pipes are calling" "Straight to my glen And up the mountain stream" "AII right, Gavin, we are really, really sorry," "And we are never really, really sorry about anything," "We will be nice to people, You`II see, You know, upbeat, Peppy," "Peppy, Yeah, No, no and a big fat no," "But, Gavin, we love show business," "It`s all we know," "And if we can`t perform, we will die," "Yeah, And you`II be blamed," "What we really want is just one more moment in the sun," "One more dance in the limelight," "We can`t be ourselves unless we`re in front of an audience," "That is exactly how I feel!" "Me, too!" "Really?" "Really," "You didn`t tell me that," "I Iove it!" "It`s who we are," "Come here," "Look what you`ve done," "Yes, you did it," "I have never heard Wesley so upset," "When I told him the show was back on, he still hung up on me," "Will you relax?" "You`re gonna wreck my car," "Just don`t worry about it, If we can convince that awful Gavin fellow to do the show," "then Wesley`s a cinch," "AII right," "Hey, it`s Piper Grayson!" "Check it, check it out, man," "What`s your name, dear?" "Sir, excuse me," "Not now," "Sir, Sir!" "Got it," "Hello," "Oh, no," "Excuse me, excuse me, Attention please," "Has anyone seen my son, Wesley Westbourne?" "Hide me," "He`s over here!" "Judas," "You`re gonna have to see her sooner or later," "I just, I wanna say hi," "Piper!" "Hi, boys," "Hello, boys," "I dressed like you for Halloween!" "You look really good, Great outfit," "You remember me?" "You, Wesley," "Hi, Wesley," "We`ve been looking for you everywhere, and we really had quite a time finding you, What was the name of the place that we particularly liked called the, The Toy Box," "No, she means the Tool Box," "Yeah," "So, could I talk with you please, Wesley?" "There`s so many people here," "Yeah!" "Hi!" "Can you, Do something!" "Okay, okay," "Distract them!" "I don`t know," "You ain`t seen nothing," "Come," "What?" "Hi, Kate," "Hi, Kate," "Thank you!" "That`s it," "When I first found out I was going to have a baby, I was so overjoyed," "But, in those days, if you weren`t married and you were pregnant, it was a scandal," "And if you were a movie star, your career was over," "So, I wouldn`t have been able to afford you," "So instead of giving you up for adoption, I pretended to adopt you," "I have to know, How did you pull this off?" "I went to Europe, I faked a phony illness, Got lots of fluffy, big clothes," "And when I came back, I had this beautiful baby boy from the Ukraine," "And you never told me any of this because," ",to adopt you, that`s why," "Every time I try to get close to you, you run," "Every day I meant to tell you, And every day that I didn`t tell you, the not-telling-you got bigger," "And you sensed that I was holding something back," "And that`s the way it became between us," "So all those times you tried to tell me, you just felt guilty," "And when I felt guilty, I resented you," "Wesley, I was wrong," "And I can`t forgive myself until you forgive me," "please, son," "AII right, I will forgive you," "Under one condition," "Anything," "I wanna hear you say, "I was wrong,"" "One more time," "I was wrong," "Now do me a favor, please?" "What`s that?" "Hug your mother," "Okay," "Thank you, Ralph!" "Did he forgive you?" "Yes!" "Come on, guys," ",this row, I need you to follow the spot on the ladies all the way down the stairs," "And, Eric, for crying out loud, you gotta fix these cracks in the stage," "The ladies are gonna trip, They`re wearing heels," "Wesley, say hello to Mr, Stern, the Chairman of the network," "Hello," "How do you do?" "Kate and Piper are on their way, I`m just gonna go look for Addie," "When Gavin told me his idea for the special, I was a Iittle skeptical," "But then when the sponsors started fighting for time, I changed my tune," "Gas Go Bye Bye and Denture Grab, Tinkle Pads," "I told Gavin today, he`s getting a huge bonus," "Well, you must be so proud," "Here they are, Mr, Stern," "Hello!" "Two of our shining stars," "Piper, Kate," "Hello," "I am a huge fan," "And, Piper, I wanted to marry Tammy like every other man in America," "And, Kate, if there`s anything to this past life thing," "I sure hope that we were lovers in another life," "I`m certain of it, You were Charlemagne," "Well, thank you," "And I still have the Playboy centerfold that Addie did a few years ago," "I`m sure she`d Iove to talk to you about her spread," "I`II go get her, shall I?" "I`d like that," "Forget your troubles Come on, get Addie" "I"m gonna chase all your cares away" "And I was just starting to like you a Iittle, Come on, Bill," "Wait a minute, You`ve got it all wrong, as usual," "Have I?" "Well, honey, her zipper got stuck, I," "We`re going, No show is worth losing your husband," "Don`t be so melodramatic," "You`ve had your eye on my Bill ever since you killed your boyfriend with your lethal genitals," "He was just helping me unzip my dress," "We`re going," "Well, honey, wait a minute, now," "Lethal what?" "What does that mean?" "Now listen to me," "Piper," "AII I did was walk past her door," "I`m not gonna lose another husband to that hussie," "She stuck her head out and said," "could I help her?" "We are leaving," "Honey, listen to me," "It was only my zipper," "Wait!" "Wait!" "Gavin?" "Problem," "Fix this, Or you`II be selling Tinkle Pads door to door," "A heart attack, I can`t believe it," "Who cares what you believe, you tramp?" "No wonder they call you the British Open," "Should have been her, she`s the oldest," "By whose clock, prune face?" "Pot calling kettle?" "Ladies, It`s a sad day for all of us," "Beryl Mason has died," "Oh, my God, Our agent!" "When she heard you walked off the show, she had a heart attack," "Rose rushed her to the hospital and I called you as soon as I heard the news," "By the time we got here, she was in intensive care" "and she died in Wesley`s arms," "Son," "But before she died, she used every ounce of her strength and she told us her last wish," "Yeah, Yeah, she raised herself up on her elbow and clasped his hand," "And then she said, I`II never forget this," "Yeah," "She said, "You tell those divas" ""the show must go on,"" "What does this do to my karma?" "Just like a scene from a Barbara Stanwyck movie," "Then we`re murderers," "So what do you say?" "Well, Gavin, I`m in," "I`m in if she apologizes," "Who are we kidding?" "Let`s just do it," "Let`s not have any more death," "I`m sorry, Piper, I`m really sorry, Really," "It`s okay," "Do you mean it?" "It`s okay," "Truce," "Truce," "To Beryl," "Most brilliant, wonderful," ",ruthless, -,boy crazy agent who ever lived," "We`II see you in the next life, Beryl," "Unless I see you first," "Thanks, Beryl," "Wesley, you tricked us," "I am so proud of you!" "You bad boy!" "places, people, I`m sure this is all very touching, girls," "but we`re live in two minutes," "Yes," "Break a leg, ladies," "Go, Go," "Cue 17 and two counts." "Go." "That`s my spot," "Yep," "Performers on stage." "Places, dancers." "We"re live in 30 seconds." "Role video playback." "The girls are back, boys" "So stand aside" "We"ve been on a trip and it"s been" "One hell of a ride" "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the special reunion of" "Boy Crazy, The girls are back." "First you"re down and then you"re high again" "What a life" "Right back to the top and down again" "What a life" "Your best friend steals away your lover" "You meet somebody new" "You wouldn"t have found if he"d been around" "You get trounced and then you win again" "What a life" "One big bounce then, boom You"re in again" "What a life" "It"s all one big surprise" "Doors are open Then they"re shut" "What a life" "First you"re prime And then you"re chuck again" "What a life" "Nice things sag and need a tuck again" "What a life" "You watch your favorite dream go under" "Next day you start again" "And watch your balloon Over the moon" "One day you"re so mad at friends You could tear their hair" "Next day thirty years have passed and you" "Just don"t care" "In time we all get wise" "If they treat you like a nut You just keep on kicking butt" "You are out then you"re back strutting it" "What a life" "Time goes by and still you"re cutting it" "What a life" "Just play it as it lies" "It can kick you in the gut" "It can trap you in a rut" "It is..." "Crazy" "Wacky" "Loony" "Tacky" "But what a life" "What a life" "What a life" "What a fabulous life" "Yes!" "Yeah!" "We"re out to commercial." "We"re back live in three minutes." "Yeah, come on, come on, Beryl," "Come, come, come," "Come on," "Get off your asses for these old broads!"