"So, here's what you missed last season on Glee." "Quinn had a baby, Finn and Rachel are in love," "Sue's going easy on Will, and even though the Glee Club worked really hard to get to Regionals, they didn't win." "Vocal Adrenaline!" "But it's okay to not win an award, particularly when you had so much fun getting there, right?" "Right?" "We didn't even place." "And that's what you missed on Glee." "Up here." "Come on, focus." "Okay." "Hi, I'm Jacob Ben Israel with Glee's Big Gay Summer, with all the Glee Club dish you're dying to know." "Rachel, how do you respond to rumors you're incredibly difficult to work with?" "Well, as her boyfriend, I can answer that." "We've been dating all summer." "Rachel's what you'd call a controllist." "I" " I'm controlling." ""Controllist" isn't a word." "Oh." "I'm controlling." "Performing is my life." "And yes, do I have opinions about it?" "Does my need to constantly express those opinions annoy my fellow Glee Clubbers?" "Yes." "That was out loud, wasn't it?" "Will Schuester, how do you respond to a recent post on my blog saying your Glee Club song selections sound like they come from a drag queen's iPod?" "Well, I try to do something for everybody." "Uh, 25% show tunes, 25% hip-hop, 25% classic rock... 100% gay." "Confirm or deny the rumor that because you knocked up Quinn Fabray, you spent all your summer pool cleaning money on a vasectomy." "It's true." "It was the responsible thing to do." "Is it also true you're suffering from a crippling depression because you're not over Miss Fabray?" "How has life changed since the birth of your bastard child?" "Well, I'm happy to be back, and I'm ready to start fresh." "And..." "I'm a lot less hormonal, so... so there's not really any crying." "How was your summer?" "My eyes are up here, JewFro." "And it was uneventful." "People thought I went on vacation, but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers." "What can you say about the rumors the two of you are dating?" "Because we're both Asian?" "That's racist." "Totally racist." "Did you get that?" "Did you get that?" "You saw it here first." "Did you know there's a forum on my blog that's begging you to stop rapping?" "Wait, th-the kids don't like it when I rap?" "When will you Glee Clubbers accept the fact that people hate you Kiss it, Jacob." "and think you're nothing but a glorified karaoke club Go away, go away." "designed to make the inventors of AutoTune millions of dollars?" "When exactly did you ink your sponsorship with Lands' End?" "When are you slated to make your triumphant return to the Shire?" "How do you get the white on rice?" "What did you do with all that breast milk?" "You know what, Jacob?" "It doesn't take much courage for people to park their cottage cheese behinds in their Barcaloungers and log on to the Internet and start tearing people down, does it?" "But you know what does take some courage?" "Standing up and singing about something." "So here's a message for everyone that reads your blog." "Next time, instead of posting an anonymous comment online, say what you have to say to my face." "Welcome back, lady!" "Whoo!" "I don't suppose there's any way you could just cut out that last part, is there?" "Mm-mm." "Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX and TOYOTA." "Hey, why so glum, William?" "Cat crap in your coffee?" "Or are you worried no one's signing up for your little club there?" "Nah, not at all, Sue." "Nationals are in New York City this year." "I think that list is gonna be filled up in no time." "Well, you know what your problem is?" ""No tryouts, just sign up. "" "Nobody wants to be part of a club that just anyone can join." "See this?" "It's a court summons- child endangerment- 'cause there's been a line of would-be Cheerios!" "out there since late July." "I guess they lost their humanity a little bit." "One girl ate a pigeon, several others started worshipping a possum carcass as their lord." "That's how much they want to be Cheerios!" "Well, sorry, Sue." "Anyone who wants to join Glee Club gets to join." "Oh, God, Will, let me break it down for you." "High school is a dry run for the rest of your life." "Not everyone can be champions." "Not everyone should be champions." "We need fry cooks and bus drivers." "Well, Sue, it's how I work, and it's not going to change." "I like being friends with you, Will." "This is fun." "You make not trying to destroy Glee Club easy." "You know why?" "'Cause you're doing such a bang-up job of it all by yourself." "Oh, it's time to feed my gimp." "Oh, and also, Figgins wants to see us." "Ah-ah-ah!" "Not you!" "Hands off that list." "Cut my budget?" "You can't cut my budget without written consent from the President of the Federal Reserve!" "It's in my contract!" "Oh, Sue, I think you can manage a sixth national title without two confetti cannons." "Do you think your kids can manage life without their daddy?" "We're barely surviving on the budget we have." "Slashing the Glee budget by ten percent, cutting our transportation to and from events is like cutting our legs off." "Sacrifices must be made." "This is being mandated at the district level, guys." "Studies show that the best way to bring in alumni donations is through a successful athletic department- specifically, a winning football team." "Who's this?" "I'm Shannon Beiste;" "I'm the new football coach." "Spelled B-E-I-S-T-E." " It's French." " I'm sorry, what happened to Ken Tanaka?" "Nervous breakdown." "Don't look at it as a punishment, look at it as an investment into your clubs' futures." "The more money the football program brings in, the more I can give back to you guys!" "Coach Beiste here is fresh off her fifth consecutive all-Missouri high school football championship." "We're very lucky to have her!" "What can I say?" "I like a challenge." "First of all, a female football coach, like a male nurse- sin against nature." "Number two, I'm sure you're used to Hillbilly parents yelping adulation at you as they attempt to impregnate the tailpipes of various off-road vehicles." "But you're in my house now, Beiste." "No one comes into my house and steals from me." "Do not get up in a panther's business, lady." "You're all coffee and no omelet." "That doesn't make any sense." "Coach, uh, Beiste, I-I think you understand our frustration." "Our budgets just got cut by ten percent." "It should have been more!" "You think there's not something wrong when the cheerleaders' budget's higher than the people who they're cheering for?" "Well, sure, but the Glee Club is a..." "The Glee Club?" "You came in third last year and you're asking for more money?" "That's a steer with six teats and no oink." "This doesn't make any sense." "What?" "These are comments from Jacob Ben-Israel's most recent Glee Club blog." ""Glee is a giant ball of suck. "" "We get it, Mr. Shue." "Everyone still hates us." "So what?" "So we're plankton on the high school food chain?" "Only difference now is that none of us really care." "Kurt's right." "We're a family." "They can bring it all they want." "None of it is going to break us." "Okay, I'm really happy that you guys have all bonded." "The problem is that all of this negative stuff is keeping other students from auditioning." "Good." "Why do we need new members?" "Well, since Matt transferred, we only have 11 members, and if we want to go to Nationals, if we want to beat Vocal Adrenaline, we have to go from a small rebel force to a giant wall of sound." "Yeah, Mr. Schuester's right, you guys." "You didn't see Vocal Adrenaline at Regionals." "They were epic." "We're going to need more voices in order to beat them." "Yeah." "I'm with Rachel on this one." "Gross." "You're going to have to trust me on this, guys." "Now, here's the plan." "Nationals are in New York this year, and we are going." "Now let's go out there and show the school how cool it's going to be, how cool we can be." "If they're not going to come to us, let's go to them." "They say we only sing show tunes and '80s pop." "Let's show them how down we are." "Let's give them the song of the year," "New Directions!" "style." "Okay." "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Yeah!" "âª Bum bum bum âª âª Bah bah bah bah bah âª âª Bah bah bah âª âª Bum bum bum âª âª Bah bah bah bah bah âª" "âª Bah bah bah âª âª Yeah, yeah, I'm out that Brooklyn âª âª Now I'm down in Tribeca âª âª Right next to DeNiro, but I'll be hood forever âª" "âª I'm the new Sinatra âª âª And since I made it here, I can make it anywhere âª âª Yeah, they love me everywhere âª" "âª I used to cop in Harlem âª âª All of my Dominicanos âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Right there up on Broadway Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª Pull me back to that McDonald's Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Took it to my stash box, 560 State Street Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Catch me in the kitchen like a Simmons whipping' pastries Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Aah, ooh Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª Eight million stories Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Out there in it naked Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª City, it's a pity Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Half of y'all won't make it Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª Me, I got a plug, Special Ed "I Got It Made" Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª If Jesus paying' LeBron, I'm payin' Dwyane Wade Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Aah Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Three dice cee-lo, three card monte Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Labor Day Parade, rest in peace, Bob Marley Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Jigga I be Spik'd out Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I could trip a referee Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Tell by my attitude that I'm most definitely from Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª New York Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª Hey Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Concrete jungle where dreams are made of Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª There's nothin' you can't do Ã¢ Ã¢Â™Âª That Brooklyn Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Now you're in New York Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª You're in New York Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Welcome to the bright lights, baby Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª These streets will make you feel brand new Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Big lights will inspire you Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Yeah Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª One hand in the air for the big city Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Street lights, big dreams, all lookin' pretty Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª No place in the world that could compare Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Put your lighters in the air Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Everybody say "Yeah, yeah" Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª Yeah, yeah Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª In New York Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Concrete jungle where dreams are made of Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª There's nothing you can't do Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Now you're in New York Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª New York, New York Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª These streets will make you feel brand new Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Brand new Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª Big lights will inspire you Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª Let's hear it for New York Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª New York, New York Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª New York, New York Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Bah bah bah bah bah Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Bah bah bah." "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Hey, Sue." "Can I talk to you for a second?" "Sure, buddy." "You look steamed." "Those kids went out and really tried to show what Glee Club was all about." "And how does the school repay them?" "By defacing the sign-up sheet." ""Buttface McBallnuts. "" ""Ass-braham Lin-colon. " They're not even funny!" "Now, don't be rude, William." "I put a lot of thought into those." "Consider this a wakeup call." "You're worried about getting new recruits?" "Well, if Beiste get her way and our budgets are slashed, you'll be cutting kids left and right." "You're right." "I hadn't thought about that." "Beiste needs to be stopped, and I need your help to topple her." "You in?" "I'm in." "I was really excited about my Glee Club recruit poster design." "I made it super masculine, just like these pamphlets I saw some Army guys passing out at a daycare center." "Then, I heard something..." "Ã¢Â™Âª We both lie silent and still in the dead of the night Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Although we lie close together Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Âª I feel like we're miles apart..." "Ã¢Â™Âª It was this new transfer kid." "I saw him tapping his foot when we busted it out in the courtyard the day before..." "Ã¢Â™Âª Every rose has its thorn Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Just like every night has its dawn Ã¢Â™Âª" "I would've joined in with a kick-ass harmony, but the dude was naked." "Ã¢Â™Âª Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song..." "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Oh, hello!" "I couldn't help but notice you admiring me yesterday in the courtyard." "Um, what?" "Oh, you don't speak English." "You like me sing!" "You like me sing very much!" "Um, I totally speak English." "I even did a little research on you." "You're a foreign exchange student named Sunshine Corazon because you're from the Philippines, where it's sunny every day." "Except for the monsoons." "Listen, Sunshine, we need chorus members;" "people to stand behind me and stare at me with wet, moved eyes while I sing solos." "So I encourage you to audition for Glee Club!" "Glee Club is fun!" "Swaying in background can be fun!" "Thank you." "Okay." "Ã¢Â™Âª Hello, hello, baby, you called, I can't hear a thing Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I have got no service in the club, you say, say?" "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Wha-wha-what did you say?" "Oh, you're breaking up on me Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª K-kinda busy Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Just a second, it's my favorite song" "Ã¢Â™Âª They're gonna play Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh?" "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª You shoulda made some plans with me Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª You knew that I was free Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª And now you won't stop calling me, I'm kinda busy Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Stop calling', stop callin', I don't wanna think anymore!" "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I left my head and my heart on the dance floor Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Stop calling', stop callin', I don't wanna talk anymore!" "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I left my head and my heart on the dance floor Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Stop telephoning me!" "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Stop telephoning me Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I'm being..." "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Shut up!" "That was fun." "I'd love to join your club." "When are auditions?" "Let me get back to you on that one." "Don't tell anyone about this, okay?" "Okay." "We're trying to recruit new members for Glee Club." "The Panther isn't cool with anything except doing exactly what she says without question." "That's how you win." "Now, first things first." "You're all cut." "Everyone starts fresh with me." "Tryouts start... right now." "Any questions?" "I got 25 everything pies for a Coach..." "Beiste?" "I didn't order any pizzas." "Isn't this kind of immature?" "No, it's downright childish." "But I know gals like Beiste." "Oh, her high school life must have been miserable." "She's oversized, humorless, refers to herself in the third person as an animal." "This kind of abuse and teasing will bring back all those childhood memories." "She'll be shaken to her core." "Humiliated and devastated." "She'll have no choice but to quit her job, and our budgets will be restored." "Yes!" "The boss says, uh, if you don't pay for 'em, I have to." "Which means we have to reuse my kid's Pampers." "For another week." "Hand 'em out, Wayne Newton." "All right, guys, it's a pizza party." "Dig in." "Everybody has to eat at least four slices." "Let's go!" "And when you're done, full pads out on the field." "We're doing wind sprints." "And the first ten to puke are off the team." "Hey, guys, um, there's pizza in there, if you want some." "Thank you." "Thank you." "I figured that if Kurt's gay and he can do it, then why can't I?" "Being gay isn't a handicap, Artie." "How can you play football in a wheelchair, anyway?" "I have to get on that team, Finn." "Dude, what's this about?" "Tina." "She dumped me for Mike Chang." "They fell in love over the summer at..." "Asian Camp." "They were counselors, in charge of teaching all those tech-savvy Asian kids about the arts." "Ã¢Â™Âª Getting to know all about you Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Getting to like you..." "Ã¢Â™Âª" "So, what did Tina say when she broke up with you?" "I think you're great, Artie, but you're a terrible boyfriend." "You ignored me for weeks this summer." "I was playing a marathon round of Halo, woman." "And then when we did get together, all you wanted to do was watch Coming Home over and over." "Mike tries to be into what I'm into." "Like his abs." "Dude, I'm sympathetic for you;" "I just don't see you on the football team." "Imagine you were pushing me in this big hunk of metal down the field at full speed." "The centrifugal force would be too much to stop." "I'd be like a medieval battering ram." "Dude, you'd be like a human cannonball." "That would be awesome!" "So you'll help?" "Sure." "But you got to help me first." "Hey, Sam." "My name's Finn." "This here is Artie." "Yeah, I know who you are." "You're the... the quarterback." "Exactly- which makes me very cool." "And we'd like to talk to you about Glee Club." "So, Sam, tell us about yourself." "My name's Sam Evans." "I like comic books, sports." "I'm dyslexic, so my grades aren't that good, but..." "I'm working on it." "Dude, your mouth is huge." "How many tennis balls can you fit in there?" "I don't... know." "I've never had any balls in my mouth." "Have you?" "I like this kid." "I like his confidence, but the Bieber cut's gotta go." "Mm-hmm." "So, can you sing with that big mouth?" "I've never really sung in front of anybody before." "Dude, let me tell you, chicks dig singers." "Well, give it a shot." "We'll back you up, I promise." "What song you got in your back pocket?" "Um... "Billionaire"?" "Ã¢Â™Âª I wanna be a billionaire Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª So freakin' bad Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Buy all of the things I never had Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I wanna be on the cover of Ã¢Â™" "Ã¢Â™Âª Forbes magazine Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, every time I close Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª My eyes Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I see my name in shining lights Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Yeah Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª A different city every night Ã¢" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, I Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I swear Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª The world better prepare Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª For when I'm a billionaire Ã¢Â™" "Ã¢Â™Âª Yeah, I would have a show like Oprah Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I would be the host of Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Every day Christmas Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Give Artie a wish list Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I'll probably pull a Angelina and Brad Pitt Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª And adopt a bunch of babies that ain't never had it Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Give away a few Mercedes like, "Here, lady, have this" Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª And last but not least, grant somebody their last wish Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª It's been a couple months that I been single, so Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª You can call me Artie Claus, minus the ho-ho Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Ha-ha!" "Get it?" "I'll probably visit where Katrina hit Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª And darn sure do a lot more than FEMA did Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Yeah, can't forget about me, stupid Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Everywhere I go, I'm-a have my own theme music Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, every time I close my eyes Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Uh, what you see, what you see, bruh?" "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I see my name in shining lights Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Uh-huh, uh-huh, and what else?" "Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, yeah Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª A different city every night Ã¢" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, I, I swear Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª World better prepare Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª For what?" "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª For when I'm a billionaire Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, oh, oh, oh Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh!" "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª When I'm a billionaire Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, oh, oh, oh Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Sing it!" "Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª When I'm a billionaire Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, oh, oh, oh Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh!" "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I wanna be a billionaire Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª So freakin' bad." "Ã¢Â™Âª" "That-that was really cool!" "Nice." "So you think you can come back and do that in front of everybody?" "Sure." "So, is that a men's sweater?" "Fashion has no gender." "Ladies, we have a problem." "There's a new student at this school named Sunshine who is a Filipino and is shorter than me." "Which I didn't think was possible and is very unnerving." "Okay, so I'm gonna go now." "Wait!" "And... she has a remarkable voice." "I'm just..." "I'm very worried." "You know, not-not for myself, but for my lesser Glee Clubbers who don't get as many solos." "So I've paid a hundred dollars to Azimio and Karofsky to brutally slushie us in front of Sunshine's locker, terrifying her and ensuring she doesn't sign up." "Okay, so this is the part where you're supposed to be hugging me and thanking me." "That's awful." "You're awful." "But solos!" "I mean..." "Look, Rachel, Mercedes and I are about as self-involved as they come, but more than anything, we want to beat Vocal Adrenaline." "And if there's someone at the school that can help us do that, they're in." "You know what?" "You're right." "It's just... so like me to just be totally blinded by my concern for the two of you." "I'll-I'll-I'll go talk to Sunshine now and just let her know how truly welcome she really is." "Thanks." "Hi." "So, here's the address for the audition tomorrow and helpful directions." "Look forward to seeing you there." "Thanks." "Beiste is on the move." "Operation Mean Girl is a go." "Move." "Go!" "Disperse." "Leave the Danish." "Anyone sitting here?" "Yes." "These seats are currently being occupied by my ghost friends." "I beg your pardon?" "My ghost friends." "Hideous, lonely faculty members who met with an early death from good old-fashioned schoolyard bullying." "And you know why?" "They tried to cross me." "So why don't you just keep on walking?" "Hi, Will." "You... you mind if I sit here?" "Uh... sorry." "Taken." "How about there?" "Actually, they're all sort of taken." "I am, uh, meeting with some... some science teachers." "You think it's easy being a female football coach, being different?" "You think I don't get this everywhere I go?" "Everybody told me that Sue was the school bully and, uh... that you were really cool." "I see they got that last part wrong, huh?" "So you know why Helen Keller couldn't drive, right?" "Why?" "'Cause she was a woman." "Coach Beiste?" "Are you crying?" "Yeah." "Saw your stats from last season, and it really hurt my feelings." "Hey, Coach, uh, this is Artie." "He'd like to try out for the team." "You screwing with me?" "No, no." "Absolutely not." "Uh, see we figured that if I push him down the field fast enough, the centrifugal..." "Centrifugal." "Centrifugal force." "You're out." "Wait." "What?" "!" "You're off the team, cut, out!" "You come in here, pushing a kid in a wheelchair, making me look like some kind of monster because I have to tell him he can't play?" "No." "No, that's not what was going on here." "Artie?" "I really want to play." "I want my girlfriend back, and I want abs." "Yeah, he's like a human battering ram, like, like," "Braveheart." "You know what?" "I don't like being screwed with!" "Do you understand me?" "Dude, you're totally overreacting." "Dude?" "Get the hell out of my locker room!" "Go!" "Think this is some joke?" "Go!" "Next!" "No way." "Get out." "Coach Sylvester, please hear me out." "Nope." "I trusted you, and you let me down." "I don't want you anywhere near my squad." "You'll deafen them with the sound of your stretch marks rubbing together." "I understand you had your confetti cannons taken away." "Well, I'll bet there are quite a few church groups who would gladly give money to a squad who helped rehabilitate a girl who got pregnant and now speaks out for abstinence education while wearing a Cheerios!" "uniform." "Next!" "Oh, my gosh, Coach." "Wait." "You're serious?" "Finn?" "My eyes are still burning." "I'm Finn Hudson, and I'd like to audition for the Cheerios!" "Ã¢Â™Âª I've got the power Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Power Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I've got the power Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Power Ã¢Â™Âª" "Am I dreaming?" "Ã¢Â™Âª I've got the power..." "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Is this happening?" "But... why?" "Coach Beiste kicked me off the football team." "I'm not the quarterback anymore, which... means I'm nothing." "I miss being popular." "This is really embarrassing." "I have really great leadership skills, and, uh, I'm athletic, so I could help with the lifts and stuff." "I hope you'll consider me." "Why would he get kicked off the football team?" "Finn was just trying to help out his handicapable friend!" "He was insubordinate twice." "I'm the captain of the USS Kick Ass, not the USS Back Talk." "Please, Coach, don't do this to me." "I need football." "It's who I am." "I thought you were the Glee guy." "I mean, what with all the sign-up sheets you put in my locker room." "Finn is a really good kid." "Give him a chance to show you." "You mean don't make a snap judgment about him?" "Don't make his life miserable because I assume he's a certain way?" "Okay, I get it." "This is about me." "I haven't been very welcoming, but please, please, don't take this out on Finn." "Am I through here, Principal Figgins?" "Mm-hmm." "A little bird told me that someone spent her summer vacation getting a brand-new set of melons, even though you know I have a very strict no plastics policy in Cheerios!" "Care to comment?" "I just..." "What would possess a person your age to get a boob job?" "You don't even know what your body's going to look like." "It's an insult to nature and completely distracting." "I can't take my eyes off them." "I'm actually talking to them right now." "I wanted people to notice me more." "I don't get what the big deal is." "Well, the big deal is that a person who has to pump her nonnies full of gravy to feel good about herself clearly doesn't have the self-esteem to be my head cheerleader." "Quinn will replace you." "What did...?" "Oh, and Boobs McGee?" "You're demoted to the bottom of the pyramid, so when it collapses, your exploding sandbags will protect the squad from injury." "Now take your juicy, vine-ripened chest fruit and get the hell out of my office." "Ã¢Â™Âª Ã¢Â™Âª" "You did this to me." "You told Coach Sylvester about my summer surgery!" "You have a surgery when you get your appendix out." "You got a boob job." "Yup, sure did." "You can't hit me." "Oh, sure I can, unless you got yourself knocked up again, slut." "Stop the violence." "Hey, hey, what is this?" "!" "Stop it." "What happened to us being a family?" "Hey." "Oh, please." "Stop that." "She has a family." "She's a mother." "Walk away." "Hey!" "And tighten up your pony before you get to class!" "Well, hate to break it to you, but it doesn't look like anyone's gonna be joining us, so I think we should just call it a day." "We said 3:00 to 5:00." "It's only 4:58." "Just wait." "My buddy Sam's gonna try out." "He totally idolizes me." "Oh, face it, Finn." "You're no longer the quarterback." "You're not the Pied Piper anymore." "No one's gonna follow you around thinking everything you do is cool." "What about that Sunshine girl?" "I thought you said she could sing." "I guess she didn't want to hang out with us losers." "Show us on the doll where Coach Beiste touched you." "Here and here." "This is outrageous." "I'll say." "Anyone who would prey on someone as sweet and simple as poor, poor Brittany deserves everything that's coming to her." "I suggest immediate termination and entry into the statewide sex offender database." "Sorry I'm late." "What's going on?" "Brittany here has accused Coach Beiste of inappropriate touching." "What?" "!" "Brittany, that's a serious accusation." "It's very serious." "Brittany, what you're saying could ruin somebody's life." "It's really important that you tell the truth here." "I made it up." "Coach Beiste didn't touch my boobs." "Actually, I really want to touch her boobs." "If you're all done wasting my time, I have a football team to coach." "Coach..." "You're weak, Will!" " You know what, Sue?" " Mr. Shue?" "Can we talk to you?" "It's kind of important." "Tell me this isn't true, Rachel." "She could have died." "I didn't send her to an active crack house." "Besides, how did you guys find out anyways?" "The Asian community is very tight." "I just don't get it." "You're better than this." "No, she's an ambitious little freak who will do anything to hold on to her power." "I just..." "I..." "I love you guys so much." "I was wrong before." "I don't want any new members." "I didn't want anyone coming in and-and messing up our group dynamic." "Tina, Mike," "I mean, what if Sunshine can dance?" "Then your contributions to Glee will be even more insignificant than they already are now." "I did this for you guys." "Whatever your motivations, you need to make this right, Rachel." "I'm sorry for sending you to that crack house." "They stole my sheet music and used it for toilet paper." "Look, I'll buy you a new set." "You can just, um, come pick it up at the auditorium at 4:00 tomorrow." "Hi, I'm Sunshine Corazon, and I'll be singing "Listen"" "from the movie Dreamgirls." "Broadway show first." "Shh..." "Shut up." "Ã¢Â™Âª Listen Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª To the song here in my heart Ã¢" "Ã¢Â™Âª A melody I start Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª But can't complete Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Listen Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª To the sound from deep within Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª It's only beginning Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª To find release Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, the time has come Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª For my dreams to be heard Ã¢Â™" "Ã¢Â™Âª They will not be pushed aside and turned Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Into your own Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª All 'cause you won't listen Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª Listen Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I am alone at the crossroads Ã¢" "Ã¢Â™Âª I'm not at home in my own home Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª And I've tried and tried Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª To say what's on my mind Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª You should have known Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, now I'm done believing' you Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª You don't know what I'm feelin' Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I'm more than what you made of me Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I followed the voice you gave to me Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª But now I gotta find my own Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª I don't know where I belong Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª But I'll be movin' on Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª If you don't Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª If you won't Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Listen Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª To the song here in my heart Ã¢" "Ã¢Â™Âª A melody I start Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª But I will complete Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Now I'm done believing' you Ã¢Â™" "Ã¢Â™Âª You don't know what I'm feelin' Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I'm more than what you made of me Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª I followed the voice you think you gave to me Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª But now I gotta find Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª My own..." "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª My own." "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Bravo!" "Wow." "Um..." "Welcome to the Glee Club." "Thank you." "Amazing." "Thank you." "Do you mind if I join you?" "Okay." "Look, I really owe you an apology." "I guess I kicked this year off thinking that all of us in the Glee Club weren't outcasts anymore, and I thought we'd be turning kids away." "And then when no one signed up for the club," "I realized that we were still at the bottom... outsiders." "And that's how I made you feel." "I'm sorry." "Thank you." "William, Beiste," "I wanted to make a peace offering with a batch of warm, homemade cookies." "Oh, those smell like dog poop." "Are those dog poop cookies?" "No, that's the flaxseed oil you're smelling." "These are heart-healthy cookies for some of our burlier Americans." "Sue, we're not going to do this anymore." "Are you turning on me in public?" "The two of you are making a very serious mistake today, the likes of which have not been seen since the Mexican Indians sold Manhattan to George Washington for an upskirt photo of Betsy Ross." "Hey, man, uh, why didn't you show at the audition?" "I wanted to, I did, but after what Coach Beiste did to you..." "Do you know how everybody talks about you Glee guys?" "Oh, yeah, you get used to all that." "Finn, I'm, I'm the new guy." "That means I'm already on the outside looking in." "I don't want to start off three touchdowns behind." "I got to go." "Coach Beiste makes us do a hundred push-ups for every minute we're late, so..." "Yeah, you made the team, that's cool." "Uh, what position?" "Quarterback." "Excuse me, Sunshine." "Hi, I'd like to officially welcome you aboard and give you our Glee Club fall rehearsal schedule." "She won't be joining your Glee Club." "Oh, are you her dad?" "Her director." "Dustin Goolsby, new coach of Vocal Adrenaline." "Oh, and they gave me and my mom a condo and a green card." " How did you even find out about her?" " Hey, Will," "I went ahead and made that phone call." "Should have gone along with the poop cookies." "I actually would have stayed here, but I think" "Rachel would have made my life a living hell." "I just didn't trust her after she sent me to a crack house." "Not cool." "It was nice to meet you." "What did they say?" "Well, I talked 'em out of giving you a "code red. "" "They were pissed, and they had the right to be." "What you did was bad, Rachel." "We could have used Sunshine to beat Vocal Adrenaline, and now they're just that much stronger." "Just do it already." "What?" "Break up with me." "Okay, we both knew it was just a matter of time." "I think you're forgetting I'm not the quarterback anymore." "I'm just another Glee loser now." "Fact is, you should be breaking up with me." "I'll never break up with you." "Me, neither." "I did it for the team, you know." "I just, I-I love everybody so much," "I didn't want anyone else coming in and interfering." "You got to stop saying that, Rachel." "I care about you and everything, but you got to admit the truth." "You didn't do this because you love Glee Club." "You did it because you love yourself more." "Okay." "I didn't want anyone else hogging my spotlight." "Okay, I love it too much to let it go that easy." "Do you think that they'll ever forgive me?" "They'll come around." "I think apologizing would be a good start." "Where are you going?" "The auditorium." "I just need some alone time first." "Ã¢Â™Âª Kiss today good-bye Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª The sweetness and the sorrow Ã¢" "Ã¢Â™Âª Wish me luck Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª The same to you Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª But I can't regret Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª What I did for love Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª What I did for love Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Look, my eyes Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Are dry Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª The gift was ours Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª To borrow Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, it's as if we always Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Knew Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª And I won't forget Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª What I did for love Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª What I did for love Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Gone Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Love is Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Never gone Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª As we travel Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª On Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Love's what we'll remember Ã¢Â" "Ã¢Â™Âª Kiss today Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Good-bye Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª And point me toward Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Tomorrow Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, we did what Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª We had to do..." "Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Oh, won't forget, can't regret Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª What I did for Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Love Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª What I did for Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Love Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª What I did Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª For Ã¢Â™Âª" "Ã¢Â™Âª Love." "Ã¢Â™Âª"