"Come, Shakespeare, you're first." "Going into the tube." "Come on, Titus, get out!" "Wa-hey!" " Yeah!" " Over the third." "He's done it!" "Congratulations." "Shall we go and find some more bunnies?" "Come on, then." "Right." "Let's find you a good spot, shall we, Dad?" "Yeah, over there." "Look, Betty!" "Yes!" "Aren't they lovely?" "Wow!" "Look at that one." "Beh-beh." "He must be a very special rabbit..." " .. assuming he is a he." " Yes, this is Hercules." "He's beautiful." "Obviously, the judges agree." "He's been Best in Show four years running, and hopefully, this will be the fifth." "Do you mind if I take a photo of Betty with Hercules?" " Sorry, I'd rather you didn't." " Just a quick snap." "I said no." "Never mind." "Let's go and see the guinea pigs." "Now then, let's see what we can do with you, eh?" "Yeah." "This year's show is sponsored by Briar's Pet Foods." "Hello." "Seb!" "The tea tent needs more milk, the hurdles need to be cleared away." "We've lost generator power in the trade area and Delphi is bordering on the hysterical." "I've never seen her as bad." "It sounds like you need a break, then." "Delphi!" "Sorry." "We were just..." "Don't worry, I was just leaving." "There's no time for distractions, not this week." "Sorry." "He's just not very good at taking no for an answer." "Evidently." "Listen, have you given this any more thought?" " Not now!" " These things are always time-sensitive, Tim." " I'm just thinking about you." " I said not now!" "Why are you even here?" "I'm need the small brush to start with." "Oh!" "And how is the returning champion?" " Hello!" " Fine." "Fine, just fine?" "You're slipping, Timothy." "You don't usually miss an opportunity to wax lyrical about the greatest rabbit to ever hop the earth." "Come on!" "It's bad sportsmanship not to give us a look at the competition." "You know, that's the problem with shows like these -- full of amateurs who don't know how to mind their own business." "There is currently a two-for-one offer on pasties at the tea tent." "What are YOU doing here?" "Hiya." "Paddy!" "In your bed." "We weren't expecting guests." "Ah, well." "Meet Bernie -- nursery mascot." " Doesn't explain why he's here." " It's our turn." "Our turn to...?" "Take a fun family photo with Bernie for the nursery scrapbook." "Fun?" "That sounds ominous." "Some people take their fun a little more seriously than others." "By 'some people', I'm guessing you mean Angela Besbrode." "Just because she's a solicitor." "I can cope with her patronising chats outside the nursery gates." "She said something about teachers' holidays, didn't she?" "'How wonderful to have all that time off." "I only wish I worked till three o'clock." "Whatever do you do with yourself?" "'" "She's the one with enough time on her hands to take Bernie the Badger up Kilimanjaro." " Really?" " Really." "Barnaby." "OK." "And where's the crime scene?" "Bellville Hall?" "I can find it." "Bellville Hall?" "We were there yesterday for the pet show." " Is everything OK?" " They found a body in the marquee." "Oh, no!" "Well, you'd better go." "Now then, what are we going to do with you?" " Hi there." " I'd like a room." "Yes, of course." "There you are." "How many nights?" "Just a couple, but I may stay a bit longer." "OK." "Just fill that out." "I assume you're here for the pet show." "I'm not." "Is that a problem?" "No, not at all." "Is just, during the show, we have an open-door policy when it comes to pets, and as my wife keeps reminding me, not everyone is an animal lover." "So perhaps I'll pop you in the annex." "No!" "No, you shouldn't." "The air-conditioning unit, remember?" "It's like a fridge in there." "I thought Jayesh was seeing to that." "He's waiting on a part." "Fine." "Er, Room 3, then." " Right." " It's just as nice." "Through the door, up the stairs." " You checking in?" "What's the name, please?" " Sprinkles." "Sprinkles." "Sprinkles..." "Sorry " " YOUR name." " Morning, sir." " Morning." "Victim is Seb Huntington, works at the local estate agent's." "His parents live abroad, but they've been informed." " I assume the security guard found the body." " You'd think so, but no." "He was asleep on the job -- didn't hear or see anything." " So who found him?" " Ailsa Benson." "She has a stall at the pet show, so she was here early to set up." "She said she realised something was wrong when she saw some rabbits." " I'm sorry?" " It's all a little bit Alice In Wonderland." "Perhaps you should see for yourself." "Hello." "I'm Dr Oliver Marcet." "I'm standing in for Dr Karimore." " That's news to me." " It was all very last-minute." "She's been asked to teach on a course." "She'll be away for a month." "A month?" " Shall we get on?" " Well, as you can see, the scene is pretty contaminated." "The body has been here all night but we're doing our best." " Cause of death?" " Stab wound to the neck." "I suspect it caught the carotid artery, causing rapid exsanguination." "He'd have been dead within minutes." "Do we know how the killer went about the attack?" "From the position of the wound and the body," "I'd say he was attacked from the front." "Looks like there was a struggle at first." " Murder weapon?" " Hasn't been left at the scene but I should be able to work out what blade was used." "I'll need at least another hour before I can remove the body." "Understood." "We'll get uniform to search the grounds." "Do we think the killer also let out the rabbits?" "And the victim disturbed them?" "Possibly." "Or could have been the other way round." "Why would anyone want to release them in the first place?" "At first, I saw the rabbits." "That was bad enough." "I mean, the damage that's been done." "They seem pretty happy." "A little TOO happy." "They're not just pets." "I'm married to a champion breeder, so I know how seriously they take it all." "I suspect a few breeding programmes have been ruined overnight." "Once the rabbits were loose, they probably..." "It is what rabbits are famous for." "I assume the breeders are also your customers." " You run a pet-supply store?" " That's right." " You were here first thing?" " And late last night." "It's my busiest time of year." "It was about eight when I finished packing up." "And you went straight home?" "To my shop in the village." "I needed to do a stock-take." "Can anyone verify that?" " No." " What about your husband?" "We're not living together at the moment." "Did you see Seb Huntington at the show during the day?" "He was with Tegan." "Tegan Langton." "She works for the owner of the Hall." "She was Seb's girlfriend, poor thing." "Far too young to have her heart broken." "I wasn't even that interested at first." "I thought he was a bit flash, a bit full of himself, and I thought he was just passing through on his way to the big time." "I didn't want a fling with someone that would be here today and gone tomorrow." "What changed your mind?" "Well, once you got past the flashiness, he was just a really nice guy, and he seemed to really fall in love with Bellville, didn't he?" "I don't think it was the village he was falling in love with, Tegan." "You were all friends?" "I worked with Seb at Eden and Moss, the estate agent's." "Tegan and I are old school friends." "So last night, Seb was here to see you?" "No." "We didn't have any plans, he knew how busy I was." "But you'd been together earlier?" "We'd managed to get five minutes together but that was it until after the pet show." "If I'd known it would be our last five minutes..." "So where were you last night?" "Oh, here." "I live in at the house." "Delphi and I were discussing what needed to be done today, then I went to bed, I was so tired." "Can Miss Hartley confirm that?" "I don't see why not." "It's fine at the moment, but winter will be upon us before we know it." " I get that." " And without the new oil tank, the Hall will be rather chilly." "Look, darling, I've ordered the concrete for the base." "If I can't pay for it, I can't do my job, can I?" "Jayesh, I can assure you it's not a lack of funds that is the problem, it's merely a lack of time." "Tegan manages all the finances, and with the pet show..." "Fine." "But I need the money by tomorrow." "Miss Hartley." "DCI Barnaby, Causton CID." " This is DS Winter." " Hello." " I wonder if we might have a word." " Oh, of course." "I was dead to the world last night." "A symphony orchestra could have been playing in my bedroom and I would not have stirred." "It sounds like the pet show is a great deal of hard work." "Oh, it is, but I do love it so, everybody does." "Everybody?" "Everybody!" "It's lovely, it's the happiest week of the year." "Well, perhaps not this year." "Poor Sebastian." "It's possible that someone was trying to sabotage the show." "I find that very hard to believe." "Yet the cages were open, the animals were loose and there was a dead body amongst them." "Gentlemen, there has been a pet show at Bellville Hall for over 50 years, and in all that time, we have never had so much as a cross word." "Is this how you make your living, from the pet show?" "Good grief, no!" "It hardly breaks even." "If we didn't have our sponsor, we'd have to call it a day." "So for the rest of the year?" "I'm an author." " Anything we might have read?" " Perhaps." "Do you read much historical romance?" "I'm more of a Stephen King fan myself." "You do surprise me." " So what do you think?" " It's all lovely -- lovely Seb Huntington, the lovely estate agent..." " Suspicious, for a start." " .. in a lovely relationship with his lovely girlfriend, who works for the lovely pet show which everybody loves." "Lovely." "Except for the dead body covered in rabbits." "Let's go speak to his boss." "Seb Huntington didn't just work with you..." "FOR me." "He worked for me." "I'm the branch manager." "He didn't just work for you, he was also seeing your daughter." " Sounds like it was quite serious." " Yes." "Tegan's very upset." "I'm heading to the show to see her shortly." "They were both still very young." "He'd only been in Bellville six months." "In that time, had he crossed anyone, any dissatisfied customers, house sales fallen through, anyone been gazumped?" "No, no." "He was doing very well." "We're going to need to take this." "Of course." "Help yourself." " Bless you." " Thank you." "Sorry." "Pet allergies." "I always struggle during show week." "Are you a competitor?" "Yes." "I have a rabbit, Agamemnon." "His judging class is tomorrow." "He's a Silver Fox." "And you're allergic to him?" "It's developed over the years." "Agamemnon is short-haired, so I only have a mild reaction to him, and I stay well clear of the long-haired breeds." "As long as I keep taking the tablets, it's fine." "This is Shray, our lettings agent." " We met earlier." " Hi." "I need the keys for Rose Cottage." "The Laytons have decided to sell." "But I had a tenant lined up." "It doesn't matter now, does it?" "No." "Mr Varma, I didn't ask earlier, but were you at the pet show yesterday?" "Yeah, helping my dad." "He's a rabbit breeder as well." "And did you see Seb at any time?" "I did, actually." "He was talking to Timothy Benson." "Any relation of Ailsa Benson?" "Yeah, he's her husband." "How would you characterise their conversation, was it chatty, friendly?" "It looked like an argument to me." "Any idea what they were arguing about?" "It might be nothing, but ever since the Bensons split up," "Seb's been trying to get the sale." " Sale?" " The shop and the house." "Seb said, if they were getting a divorce, he wanted in on the carve-up." "Maybe not quite so lovely." "Thank you for your cooperation." "You will be able to retrieve your pets shortly." "What were discussing with Mr Huntington?" " Hm?" "I don't really remember." " Perhaps I can jog your memory -- selling your properties as part of your divorce settlement?" "Look, I'll tell you what I told him -- we're not getting divorced, not yet." "I'm living temporarily at my daughter's hotel." "There's a lot to sort out, and the last thing I needed was him hovering over me like a vulture." "Mr Benson, where were you last night?" "I was at the shop I run with my wife." "Can anyone verify that?" "I was the only one there." " You can let them back in now." " Thank you." "Right, well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and check on my rabbit." "Miss Langton, I have to ask you..." "Help!" "Will somebody help me, please?" "It's an emergency." "Quick, please come!" "Mr Benson, are you OK?" "Of course I'm not." "Look -- he's gone." "Hercules is gone." "Someone's taken him." "How much would you pay for a rabbit?" "Am I keeping it or eating it?" "You're breeding it." "I've just had an interesting conversation with the Chair of MSPA, the Midsomer Small Pets Association." "Hercules had been offered out to stud through their rabbit registry." "A dating agency for rabbits?" "And they say romance is dead." "Timothy Benson was offering Hercules' services at £200 per successful date." "So Hercules could be worth thousands." "No wonder Timothy Benson was so distraught." "So do we think that Seb Huntington disturbed a thief and not a saboteur?" "Well, on the sabotage angle," "I called the editor of the local paper to see if there'd been complaints." "These things usually do play out in the local press." "Miss Hartley was pretty much telling the truth -- people love the show, it's always front-page." " Fluffy bunnies." " Exactly." "The only thing I could find in the archive was a letter published in the '90s." "It claimed that pet shows were cruel to animals and robbed them of their natural dignity." " Who's this letter from?" " Perry Tressel." "He owns the Bellville Country Hotel in the village these days." "He's also married to Ailsa and Timothy Benson's daughter Belinda." "Ah, the Benson family." "They do keep popping up, don't they?" "We already know that either Ailsa or Timothy are liars, unless they both managed to do a stock check in their shop without noticing each other." "Go and talk to Ailsa Benson." "I'll speak to their daughter Belinda and to the Midsomer Animals Are People Too campaigner." " What letter?" " It was quite a few years ago." "It was about the pet show." "Good grief!" "It really was years ago." "I was a teenager." "I'd been listening to a lot of Chumbawamba and The Levellers." "So you support the pet show?" "If anything, it supports ME." "It's our busiest time of year." "Look, I'm still not a fan of animals in cages, which is why we've got an open-door policy for animals at the hotel." "That's quite unusual, I should imagine." "It was my mum and dad's idea." "I grew up at the hotel." "I used to love meeting the pets during show week -- hamsters at the breakfast table, gerbils in the corridors." " Sounds idyllic." " It was to me, which is why, when my mum and dad passed on and I took this place on," "I didn't see any reason to change things." "It would have been nice to hear from my husband that he was filing for divorce, but I had to hear it from a jumped-up little estate agent." " You didn't know?" " I hadn't a clue, not until Seb Huntington came oiling, asking about room dimensions and council-tax bandings." "Have you discussed this with your husband?" "Why should I?" "He's the one who walked out." "If he wants a divorce, fine." "I just wish he'd get it over with and stop... .. stop dragging it out." "Would you like a hand with that?" "How many years have you had a stall at the pet show?" "Too many." "In fact, this might be my last." " Why's that?" " This used to be the most profitable week of the year, but with increased pitch fees, I'll be lucky to turn a profit." " Have they gone up?" " They've doubled." "Listen, don't let Delphi Hartley's act fool you." " Her act?" " I know she comes across all sweetness and light." "When I asked her why the fees were so high this year, she told me that she welcomed my feedback." " But she didn't?" " Considering she's put my stall next to the chemical toilets this year, you tell me." "Just one more thing, Mrs Benson -- you told DCI Barnaby and myself you were here last night..." " That's right." " .. doing a stock check." " That's right." " With your husband?" "Heavens, no!" "He'd just have got under my feet." "Have you got any, erm, paperwork I could look at?" "Not really." "It wasn't a formal stock check, just checking things, really." "I see." "It seems a strange time to do it -- you're so busy at the show, working long hours." "I like to keep on top of things." "Thank you, Mrs Benson." "Thanks very much." "Thank you." "He's absolutely beside himself." "Of course, maybe it's a blessing in disguise." " How so?" " With no rabbit to argue over, maybe Mum and Dad will see sense and get back together." "They split up over the rabbit?" "Not for the first time." "It's the same before every show." "Dad gets obsessive, Mum feels neglected, they have a huge row and he walks out." "It usually doesn't last more than a few days." "How long has it gone on this time?" "A couple of months, and it doesn't help that the shop is struggling financially." " What did you do?" " I coaxed him out with some sweetcorn." "It turns out hamsters love sweetcorn." "Oh (!" ")" "I can't believe you've got the nerve to show your face." "Timothy!" "Are you OK?" "Always jealous of him, weren't you?" "Hercules?" "I admired him, yes." "He was a champion." "Yes, but you wanted your own champion, didn't you?" "Couldn't manage it yourself, so you decided to take mine." "Mr Benson, I find public accusations tend to do more harm than good." " If you have any information..." " OK, fine." "Why don't you tell him how much you offered me for the stud rights to Hercules, exclusive rights, no less." " Is this true?" " Yes, I made him an offer." "See?" "There you go -- she admits it." "Timothy, that's enough!" "If you can't behave in a civilised manner..." "You're not taking her side, are you, Perry?" "Your dad needs to calm down." "I agree." "Mr Benson, if you wish to make a statement..." "Oh, I believe I just have." " What are YOU doing here?" " What do you think?" "I told Dad I'D get the rabbit food." "'Course you did." "Real Daddy's boy." "I'll bring it when I'm finished." "Fine." "I'll see you later." "So, er, where DO you keep your rabbit food?" "You'll have to come through to the back room." "Morning." "Oliver's finished with the PM, when you're ready." "Briar's Pet Foods no longer wish to be associated with the Bellville Hall Small Pets Show." "Delphi Hartley has lost her sponsorship." "I'm not surprised." "'The show is nothing short of a shambles, with organisation so poor it verges on the negligent." "I am shocked that you would associate yourself with this debacle and will no longer be purchasing any Briar's Pet Food products.'" " Where did you find that?" " Seb Huntington's laptop." "He wrote similar letters to the Midsomer Small Pets Association and some animal-welfare charities." "Why?" "I'm not entirely sure, but I did find an email correspondence between Seb and the regional manager of Eden and Moss estate agents, or as Seb likes to call him, Uncle Peter." "Well?" "The rabbit food." "Oh." "Er, Jayesh is getting it." " Jayesh?" " Yeah." "He said he'd bring it when he was done." "Done with what?" "Never mind, I don't want to know." "I'm sorry, son." "It's these painkillers." "I don't know whether I'm coming or going." "It's OK, Dad." "It's all right." "You know what would make you feel better, right?" "Winning Best in Show, and with Hercules out of contention..." "Come on, you know how Timothy must be feeling." "I'd rather win fair and square." " I know, but..." " Whoever took that rabbit is no friend of mine." "Do you understand?" "Yeah, 'course I do." "Cause of death was as I theorised -- stab wound to the neck puncturing the carotid artery." " He would have bled out quickly." " Thoughts about the weapon?" "A double puncture wound inflicted by two pointed blades simultaneously." " Two blades?" " Scissors, open scissors." "That would be consistent." "The blades were long and thin, possibly hairdressing scissors." "Or grooming scissors." "Rabbit fanciers use them for trimming fur." " That makes sense." " Doesn't really narrow things down." "There must be dozens of pairs at the show." " Thank you, Dr Marcet." " Mm-hm." "Have you..." "Have you heard from Kam?" "Yeah, she called earlier to check up on things." "Is she having a good time?" "Have you ever been on those residential courses?" " A long time ago." " Then you'll know what they're like -- more play than work." "Yeah." "Well, when your boss wants you to give his nephew a job..." "Look, he pulled off a couple of good sales, suddenly he's Salesman of the Year." "Then he wasn't satisfied with what he had on his books, he wanted what was on mine too." "Including Bellville Hall?" "I had no idea he was sniffing round Bellville Hall." "If I had, I could have told him he's wasting his time." " Why?" " I have been working on Delphi for years." "The place is far too big for her." "It must cost a fortune to keep it ticking over." "But every time I try to talk to her about selling," "I get the same answer, a hard no." "How much do you think that had to do with the pet show?" "Everything." "I've said we can find a new venue, but she says it wouldn't be the Bellville Hall Pet Show unless it was at Bellville Hall." "How did you feel when your daughter started seeing Seb?" "Tegan's a smart girl." "She'd have seen through him eventually." "Though you couldn't be sure of that, could you?" "Where were you last night, Ms Langton?" "I was here, working... .. alone." "Tim, I want to talk to you." "I was sorry to hear about Hercules." "I know how much he meant to you." " Oh, here we go!" " No, I wasn't having a go, I promise." "I don't think you should be working, not after a shock like that." "That's..." "That's very decent of you." "Just because we're..." "Doesn't mean I've stopped caring." "Thank you." "Delphi Hartley said that the pet show barely broke even and without sponsorship, it would be all over." "It's a big house for one woman and her assistant." "And without the pet show, she has no real reason to stay." "You think Seb worked that out?" "I think that's why he was trying to scupper the sponsorship deal." "That would explain something Forensics have sent through." "They found multiple prints on the cages in the marquee." " Not surprisingly." " But they found multiple examples of one set, the victim's." "Seb Huntington was sabotaging the show to get Delphi Hartley to sell the Hall." "Check out the Bensons' conflicting alibis, I'll talk to Miss Hartley." "Meet me back at the pet show." "Cleo!" "I'm not sure it's a good idea for you to be here." " I need to look at the register." " OK." "Oh!" " He's here." " What's going on?" "Room 3." "I'm going to need you to show me his room." " I can't do that." " Oh, please, Perry." "I'll explain everything." "Please just trust me." "Come on." "Mini-bar?" "Oh." "That's something, I suppose." "Oh!" "Now I've got a viewing." "Cleo, what is going on?" "Do you remember I told you once that I had to tell a terrible lie to protect someone?" "I do." "It's him?" "What are you going to do?" "I don't know." "But now, I've got to go." "So thank you, Perry, and I'm sorry." "I was just about to give Lizzie a bath, ready for her big day, but I'm sure I can spare a few moments." " Not writing?" " No." "The muse isn't with me today." "I understand she hasn't been with you for quite some time." "I'm sorry?" "I spoke to your literary agent." "She told me your latest manuscript has been rejected" " by your publishers." " Not rejected," "I've simply been asked to make revisions." "It's a new editor, she's keen to make her mark." "She wants me to explore more contemporary themes." " Contemporary?" " She wants me to put in a bit more smut." "A delay in publication means a delay in payment." "Doesn't that leave you in a financially precarious position?" "I'm sure I'll manage." "Yet you've had to put up pitch fees for this year's show." "I kept them down as long as I could." "A house of this size -- running costs must be considerable." "Why is everybody obsessed with money and costs these days?" "I find it so distasteful." "Has someone shown an interest in your finances," "Seb Huntington, by any chance?" "I suppose it's an occupational hazard." "Even Tegan was getting tired of all his questions." "Who left this here?" "Through here, Mr Lewis!" "I thought we'd, erm, start in the kitchen." "Mr Lewis?" "I've already told you!" "I just need you to confirm -- were you in the shop last night?" "No, he wasn't." "He was in here." " Really?" " Propped up the bar all night long." " Is this true?" " He always gets like this during the pet show -- literally doesn't know what day of the week it is." "Do you, Dad?" " Thursday?" " See?" "Clearly, a confusing time." "What did you say that for?" "!" "In case you haven't noticed, I do everything in this place " "I am the barmaid, the chambermaid, the receptionist, the night porter, which is why I know that you didn't return to your bedroom until the early hours of the morning." " Right." " Care to explain why?" "Listen, you don't have to worry about anything, OK?" "I've got everything under control." "Dad, that's not an answer." "Dad!" "Fifteen years, Errol." "Fifteen years!" "How did you expect me to react?" "I didn't expect you to try to run me over." "That was a warm welcome compared to what I've imagined doing to you since you left." "I probably would have deserved it, back then." "Right." "Sorry -- is this the bit where you tell me you've changed?" "Yeah, because I have." " No." " I'm not the man I was, Cleo." "The drinking, everything -- that has all gone." "I know I've said that before." "Cut to the chase, Errol." "I want to see her." "What?" "No." "No!" "I don't think that's your choice to make, not any more." "I'm going to see her, with or without your blessing." "That was just a little too convenient." "Belinda Tressel providing her father with an eleventh-hour alibi?" "You and your suspicious nature." "One of the Benson family is lying about where they were when Seb Huntington died." "Only one of them." "I'm looking for Perry." "Haven't you seen enough of him today?" "I don't have time for the green-eyed monster today." "Is he here?" "No." "Sorry." "Oh!" "I'm sorry, this area's not open to the public." "You can't be here." "I didn't mean to frighten you." "I'm looking for Tegan." "Why, what do you want?" "I just want to talk to her." "I just want to talk to my daughter." "No, not today." "I haven't got the patience." " Where have I heard that before?" " Whatever!" "Honestly!" "You and your dad have wasted enough of my time." "Sounds about right." "Always in too much of a rush to think about other people, aren't you?" "You'd better come in." "Before you say anything, I need you to know that everything I did," " everything, was for the best." " You told me my father was dead." " To protect you." " To protect yourself, to save yourself from having to explain." "She didn't need to know." "Of course I did!" "He's my father, I needed to know what he was going through." "Going through?" "What he was..." "Yes, of course, sorry." "This is about your pain and your suffering." "You haven't changed one iota, have you?" " That's quite enough." " Thank you, Delphi." "This is between my daughter." "My daughter, not yours." "Don't you dare speak to Delphi like that!" "She has been more of a mother to me than you have." "How can you say that?" "For one thing, you must have known what Seb was up to but you never spoke to me about it." " Would you have listened?" " That's not the point, and you know it." "I think you should go." "Tegan!" "You heard the girl." "It's all arranged." "Oh, no!" "Tim!" "I wasn't expecting to see you again today." "Clearly." "I can explain." "Oh, I bet you can." "Paddy, you didn't?" "You did!" " Oh, no!" " Sarah, it's probably not as bad as it looks." "Well, tell that to Angela-bloomin'" "Besbrode!" "She took Bernie up a mountain and he barely lost a stitch." "Five minutes in the Barnaby household, and look at him!" "It's been a bad week for small animals." "First the rabbitnapping, now a dog-on-badger hate crime." "Someone stole a rabbit from the pet show?" "Not just any rabbit, a champion rabbit." "Oh, no, not Hercules?" "Well, yes." "How did you know?" "We met him, Betty and I." "I would show you the photos but his owner wouldn't let me take any." " Really?" " You'd think he'd be proud of his prize-winning bunny." "Yes, you would." "I'd better get going." "I'm sure you can deal with all this." "No signs of trauma or struggle." "She appears to have died of respiratory distress, but until I can do a PM, I'm not prepared to confirm." "If I told you that Cleo Langton had an allergy to rabbits, a recent development..." "Adult-onset allergies are not that unusual and can be severe." "I'll put an urgent request in for her medical records." "So this might not be a murder, it could just be a bad asthma attack?" "I want everything here bagged and catalogued." "Of course." "Were the car windows shut when she was found?" " Yes." " Check the air vents." " Will do." " Evidence bag, please." "Let's see who Cleo Langton was speaking to over the last few days." "She appears to have had an extreme allergic reaction." "To rabbits?" "Of course." "It's all right, love, I'm here." "I don't believe we've been introduced." "Errol Judd, Tegan's father." "And Cleo Langton's ex-husband, I presume." "That's right." " Do you live in Midsomer, Mr Judd?" " No, Thailand." "I'm just over for a visit." "When did you arrive back in the country?" "A couple of days ago." "I'm staying at the hotel in the village." "Had you had any contact with your ex-wife since your return?" "I saw her yesterday." " Where?" " Here at the Hall." "A family reunion?" "Er, no, not really." "Things got a little heated." "I told her to go." "I want a background check run on Errol Judd," "Cleo Langton's ex-husband." " I didn't think he was in the picture any more." " He's back." " Interesting timing." " Anything on Cleo's phone?" "Most of her calls were to clients, but she'd had a series of calls to a law firm here in Causton." "She oversaw house sales." "There's plenty of legal paperwork involved." "This firm specialises in litigation and negligence cases." "Someone was suing Cleo Langton." " Who?" " Dhruv Varma." "I also found the last text message the victim received before she died." "'Who the hell do you think you are?" "I'm going to make you pay'." "Yeah." "That only sounds bad because she's ended up dead." "It was just a threat when Cleo Langton was still drawing breath, now it sounds a bit like a promise." "OK, I was angry with her, but I didn't kill her." "Angry about your father's court case?" "There wasn't going to be a court case." "Dad's already settled." "It's over." "How can it be over?" "Look what she did to him." "And I can't believe you were still working for her." " It was an accident!" " A preventable accident." "I used to think you were the strongest man in the world." "So did I, and then I fell off a roof." "How was Cleo Langton involved in that?" "She wanted a quick sale on a house." "I told her the chimney needed repointing." "She asked me to sort it before the surveyor turned up." "I told her I needed to wait for the scaffolding." "And she told him that either he got up a ladder or we'd never work for Eden and Moss again." "She forced him to work in unsafe conditions." "The settlement figure, were you happy with it?" " It's fine." " It's an insult, Dad." "It just about covers his legal costs." "I couldn't face dragging it through the courts for years." " I wanted it over with." " If we had hung on..." "What do you mean, we?" "Dad's the one in constant pain." " I know." "That's why I think..." " You know what I think?" "I think you should concentrate on not running my business into the ground." "I might not be much use on site but I can still look at the books." "Yes, Dad." "I just don't know what to do, what to say." "He's in pieces." "See what I mean?" "This can't just be about Hercules being stolen." "I can't stand it." "You've got to do something, Mum." " What do you suggest?" " I've no idea." "I've got my own problems to deal with." "Darling, what's wrong?" "I've had enough of Perry going to Cleo for advice on this place." "And now she's dead." "I want him to realise I have ideas too." "I just want him to listen, Mum." "I know the feeling, believe me." "So I've decided to make him listen to me." "Cleo was here yesterday but not for long." "She had a viewing, she was also busy." "Were you and Ms Langton good friends?" "We were." "When Mum and Dad died and I took on this place, she helped with the legal stuff." "She was amazing." "She's been there for me ever since." "I don't know how I'll run this place without her input." "Thank you, Mr Tressel." "Is your father-in-law in the hotel at the moment?" " Timothy, please!" " I don't want it!" "I was perfectly happy with what I was already drinking." "Oh, here we go." "Why can't a man have a drink in peace?" "We need to talk to you about Cleo Langton." "Yes." "Yes, I'm very sad." "Really?" "Because I was here when you accused her of stealing Hercules." "So?" "So were you aware of her allergies?" "Yes, but that was just one reason she should never have been allowed anywhere near rabbits." "I do hope you're taking this seriously." "I've already had cause to question your alibi for the night Seb Huntington died." "No, er, she explained " " Belinda explained." "Yes, she did." "Let me take this opportunity to remind you all that lying to the police and obstructing justice is a criminal offence." "If there's anything any of you feel the need to tell me, now is your chance." "Look, it needs to stop, for Dad's sake." " What are you on about?" " I know what you're up to, and I know she's married." "So?" "That's her problem." "Typical." "Not a thought for anyone but yourself." "Ooh!" "at least I know how to get what I want, bruv." "Man up." "Good afternoon." "You were right about the vents -- we found rabbit hair in them." "Could it have got there accidentally?" "Not unless she groomed her rabbit in the car." " Seems unlikely." " My theory is that someone put it there to trigger anaphylaxis." "This is what I don't understand." "She was around rabbits all the time." "It's about concentration, the reason peanuts are banned on some airlines." "For a nut-allergy sufferer, in a beer garden, if someone opens a packet of dry-roasted, no problem, but on a plane with recirculated air it could prove fatal." "Like rabbit hair in a small car." "Our victim's respiratory system just shut down." "What I don't understand is why she didn't have medication on her." "According to her GP, she had prescriptions for inhalers, antihistamines, as well as an epinephrine auto-injector, but there was nothing in her bag, not even a cough sweet." "If the murderer had access to her car, maybe they had access to her handbag." "Is there any way we can identify which rabbit the fur came from?" " A DNA test?" " Something like that." "The fur was cut, not pulled or shed, so the chances of finding a viable DNA sample is negligible." "But if I call in a couple of favours," "I might be able to confirm the rabbit's breed." " How quickly could you do that?" " I'll see if I can put a rush on it." "I'd appreciate that." "Thank you." "Oh." "Sorry, I was just on my way out." "This won't take long." "I was going to see Tegan." "She shouldn't be on her own." "Her father is with her." "Her father?" "I thought he was dead." "The rumours of his demise had been greatly exaggerated, apparently." "We're tracing Cleo's movements yesterday." "She had a viewing in the afternoon." "Yeah, at Rose Cottage with..." "Mr Lewis." "Are there details -- did he leave a phone number, an address?" "Tomorrow." "It has to be tomorrow." "Are you sure, after Cleo?" "Yeah." "That's why we need to get this done." "Jayesh!" "Just the man." "Just wondering if you had any idea when you'd get that part." " What part?" " For the air-conditioning unit." " For the annex." " I've no idea what you're talking about." "And I'm a builder, not an electrician." "Sir, this has just come through." "Errol Judd has quite the criminal record." "Hm." "Mostly drink-related public-order offences." "A couple of driving bans and a subsequent conviction for driving while disqualified." "Nothing violent though." "Still, I'd like to speak to him again." "Follow up on Mr Lewis and take a look at Rose Cottage." "It could be where the killer tampered with Cleo's car." "Speak to the neighbours," " see if any of them noticed anything out of the ordinary." " Sir." "Next up, it's Boadicea and Perseus." "I wanted to reconnect with my daughter, but I didn't know what I might be walking into, although I never expected..." "Cleo told Tegan I was dead." "Can you imagine how it felt to hear that?" "You tell me." "I was heartbroken." "For almost 15 years," "I was nothing more than a footnote in my daughter's life." "Well, that's all about to change." "You have an interesting police record, Mr Judd." "Mm." "That tends to happen when you're a raging alcoholic." " Are you now in recovery?" " Yes, after a long journey down the road." "Leading to Thailand." "I went through all the usual detox programmes -- grubby hospital wards and grey rooms." "I realised I'd have to travel further afield to find my serenity." "I have been sober for three years." "Congratulations." "Now that you have reconnected with your daughter, what are your plans?" "Obviously, what happened to Cleo has put things into perspective." "Obviously." "I'd like to take Tegan back to Thailand with me." " How does Tegan feel about this?" " I haven't broached the subject yet." "It's all about timing." "It is, Mr Judd." "Just one more thing -- were you aware of your ex-wife's allergies?" "No." "What a terrible way to die." "There you go, get it all on." "John!" "See you later, baby." "I'll get my jacket." "Bye." "Sarah was just speaking to Kam." "She's having a great time." "She probably won't want to come home." "That's not exactly what she said." "She said she's learning a lot on the course but she's bored in the evenings." "Ah." "That's a shame." "Did she, erm... say anything else?" " About what?" " OK!" "Let's go." "Oh, I almost forgot -- she asked how you were doing." "I think Bernie needs rescuing." "Oh, Betty, no!" "Paddy." "The scissors tested positive for blood residue." "I think we have our murder weapon." "Well done." "Any thoughts on the engraving on the blade?" "18th July 2012." "Certainly isn't any of our suspects' birthdays." " Wedding anniversary?" " Maybe." "Any news on Cleo's final house showing, are we any nearer to finding the elusive Mr Lewis?" "We're drawing a blank so far." "The phone number and address given for the viewing were false." "We'll keep looking into it." "Can all exhibitors make their way to the show tent?" "Judging will commence shortly." "Hey." "I've been looking for you." " How are you doing?" " I wish I was a rabbit... .. not a care in the world, primped and pampered and fussed over." "Well, I could give you a comb-out if you like, trim your nails for you." "I knew you'd cheer me up." "That's what I'm here for." "Do you think Shorouk is in with a chance this year?" "I hope so." "Dad needs a win." "With Hercules out of the competition." "I know you'd do anything for your dad, but you didn't..." "What?" "Hercules." "No!" " Sorry." "No, I'm sorry." " No!" "'Course not." "Can you forgive me?" "Always." "They're grooming scissors." "I've sold dozens of pairs over the years, but I couldn't tell one pair from another." "Even if they were engraved?" " Engraved with what?" " A date." "18th July 2012." "Does that mean anything to you?" "I can't say it rings any bells." "Sorry." "Thank you, Mrs Benson." "All right, Oliver?" "He's had a result on the rabbit fur." "Good luck to all of today's competitors." "Make sure you've signed in at the reception tent." "Hi." "I wondered if we could have a talk." "How are you feeling?" " How do you think?" " Sorry." "Stupid question." " I'm not very good at this." " No, you're not." "OK." "I have to go back to Thailand." "Fine." "I've managed without you before, I'll manage again." "I want you to come with me." "Why would I do that?" "Why wouldn't you?" "Because I have a life here, a job." "Think about it, Tegan." "How long can you fetch and carry for her, run this silly pet show?" "I know you've lost your boyfriend." " You lost your mother." " You think you can replace them?" "I never said that." "I just..." "I am so sorry I wasn't there for you." "I came back to offer you a better life." "Really?" "Because everything was fine." "I had my boyfriend, I had my mum, I had my job running a silly pet show, and then you turned up." "I know it seems like that." "Why would going to Thailand with you make anything better for me?" "Congratulations to Sprinkles." "Looking good." " She is." " Beautiful coat." "She's a French Lop, isn't she?" "That's right!" "I didn't think you were an enthusiast." "A recent interest." "Fur from a French Lop was found in Cleo Langton's car." "It's what caused her death." " It couldn't have been Lizzie's fur." " We checked the other entries." "The only rabbit that matches that description is Lizzie." " Does she seem to have any fur missing?" " No!" "Apart from you and Tegan, does anyone have access to her?" "Everybody who comes to the house." "She's anybody's for a cherry tomato." "Thank goodness she can't understand." "If she thought for one second she was implicated in a murder..." "Yes, thank goodness." "Would you say you and Tegan are close?" "She started out as an employee but now she's family." "Like a daughter, perhaps?" "I like to think so." "Was there any tension between yourself and Cleo over your relationship with Tegan?" "No, not really." "We both had Tegan's best interests at heart." "But did Cleo have your best interests at heart?" "She did try to make you sell the Hall." "But she did not succeed." "My ownership of Bellville Hall has never been in question." "Now if you don't mind, the judging is under way." "Just a little more of your time." "18th July 2012 -- does that date mean anything to you?" "Yes." "The pet show is usually around that time." "Any other significance?" "If I remember correctly, it was Hercules' first show." "He was a winner from the very start." "Now gentlemen, if you will excuse me." "How much are you willing to bet that Timothy Benson wanted something to remember his first big win with Hercules by?" "Oh, a great deal." "Hello, Lizzie!" "Hello, Lizzie." "Silver is on the first jump, the second jump." "He's done it!" "We need to talk." "I've got nothing more to say to you." "Why don't you have a chat with Jayesh Varma?" " That's not important now." " Oh, isn't it?" "Does he know?" "Timothy, for once in your life, will you just listen?" "I know what you've done." " What?" " It's OK, we can sort it out if we can get our stories straight." "I bet you're good at that." " I am trying to help!" " I don't need your help!" "The winner of the final steeplechase is Socrates." "Yes, those are mine." " When did you last see them?" " A couple of days ago." "I left them in the marquee, but with Hercules gone missing, I'd forgotten about them." "And the engraving?" "They were a gift from my wife to celebrate my first Best in Show victory." "A reminder of a time when she gave a damn about me." "You're very welcome to keep them." "I can assure you that we will." "How's the temperature?" "I spoke to Jayesh." "I know there's nothing wrong with the air-conditioning unit." "I just want you to tell me what you've been up to." "It was supposed to be a surprise." "I think we've had enough of those to last a lifetime, don't you?" "I know how much you love having animals to stay in the hotel during the pet show." "And I know how much you hate them." "It's not the animals I hate, it's cleaning up after them." "I know you love to see the animals run free, so I thought we could compromise." "We could advertise ourselves as a pet-friendly hotel throughout the entire year." "What do you think?" "I love it!" "I just don't understand why you had to keep it secret." "Because you have never trusted me with anything to do with the hotel." "If I've changed anything other than sheets, you've run it past Cleo." " That's not fair." " Really?" "If I'd told you this idea, you wouldn't have waited for her approval before giving me the go-ahead?" "I just knew I could always rely on her." "Well, from now on, you'll have to rely on me." " She looks happy." " She does, doesn't she?" "I wish I didn't have to be the one to spoil it for her." "It's the marquee company." "They're threatening to take the thing down whilst the show's still on." "They can't do that!" "Let them." "It's the least of Delphi's worries." "It's keeping the Hall open that's the real problem." "The concrete for the oil tank is turning up today, but I've had to pay for it with my own money." " You shouldn't have to do that!" " No, I shouldn't." "Maybe I'll take my dad up on his offer." "A few weeks in Thailand sounds pretty good about now." "A few months sounds even better." "Congratulations." "Thank you." "We're positively thrilled." "Someone's getting extra tomatoes tonight." "Shray, could you give us a moment?" "Of course." "I'll see how Dad's getting on." " What is it, dear?" " I've been going through the figures, and without the sponsorship money, we're in serious trouble -- you're in serious trouble." "Even if you persuade the publisher to go ahead with the new book, my mum was right, you're going to have to sell the Hall." " No." "No, no." " I can help." "We can find you a nice little cottage with a garden for Lizzie." "What about you?" "I'll be fine." "Maybe I'll go to Thailand with my dad." "No, there's no need for that." "I have a way." "Come on." "It's been my guilty secret for years." "I come down here whenever I need a moment to myself." "I find them so calming." "It's because they were my mother's." "Oh, she was so glamorous, so chic!" "These days, they're quite beyond the pale, but I couldn't bear to part with them so I keep them here." "But now I understand they might be worth a great deal of money." "They've gone!" "Someone's taken them." "My mother's furs!" "Who would do something like this?" "And you'd had the furs valued?" "Some of the furs were vintage pieces worth a couple of thousand pounds, maybe more." "They're very delicate." "They need to be kept somewhere cold so they don't shed." "I do hope whoever took them knows that." "The door hasn't been forced." "Someone had a key." "There's only one key." "I have it here." "I keep it in my desk drawer." "Is that drawer locked?" " No." " Miss Hartley, your home has been open to the public for the last few days." "Have you seen anyone hanging around back here?" "Perhaps they saw you coming out of the cellar." " Oh!" " Miss Hartley?" "I'm so sorry, Tegan, but your father..." "No, you're right, he WAS back here, and he's been in the house." "It's a serious accusation to make against your father." "Earlier today, he asked me to come with him to Thailand." "He said there was nothing left for me here." "That's simply not true." "Is it?" "And where is your father now?" "Hello?" "Belinda?" "Perry!" "Hello, old chap." "Now then." "Have you got enough food in there?" "Who's that?" "All right, get out." " I wouldn't put your hands on me if I were you." " Out!" " I'm warning you!" " I'm warning YOU." "Keep your nose out of my business." " What are you trying to hide?" " What's he talking about?" "Nothing, if he knows what's good for him." "You have no idea who you're messing with, understand?" " You'd better leave." " Yeah?" " He needs help." " Yes, that's true." "But still." "Dad, what were you thinking?" "He's a guest." " Well, I..." " Dad!" "Talk to me." " What on earth is..." " Urgh!" "Dad!" "We need to speak to Errol Judd." "Is he here?" " I haven't seen him." " Which room is he in?" "His luggage is still here." "Check the wardrobe." "Can you open this?" "Yeah, there's a master code." "Thank you." "Some Thai currency, driving licence, his passport and two boarding passes." " Two?" " One in his name and one in the name of Tegan Langton." " Is she leaving with him?" " Looks like it." "Hang on -- driving licence?" "I thought he was disqualified." "He is." "Apparently, Michael Lewis is not." "Mr Lewis." "That's who Cleo Langton had her Rose Cottage appointment with." "Perry?" "Oh, Perry." "I think Dad has finally flipped." "And what makes you say that?" "He was fighting by the sheds with Errol Judd." "Hercules!" "Did Errol Judd leave with your father?" "No, before him." "I don't know where he was going." "Your father might." "Any idea where we'll find him?" "I don't know." "I don't know anything any more." "Thank you." "In the Syrian hamster class, the judges were particularly impressed by the winner's clear markings, good proportions and a winning personality." "And the winner is Xena Warrior Princess." "Well done, Gracie!" "That's lovely." "Smile." "Thank you." " Well done." " And now for the final prize." "But first, I would like to take a moment to thank you all for coming each year." "It's meant so much to me." "And also thank the one person without whom this show would not happen... .. Tegan." "I do hope she knows how important she is to the show... .. and to me." "And now for the moment we have all been waiting for -- the prize for Best in Show." "So..." "Oh!" "The winner is Shorouk, owner, Dhruv Varma." "Lovely!" "That's amazing!" "I can't believe it." "Thank you." " Congratulations." " Thank you." "Thank you, thank you." "And one more." " That's great." " Congratulations." "Thank you, but he's done all the hard work." "Where's Shray?" "He'll be over the moon." "He's been a bag of nerves all week." "He thinks the world of you." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, I know there's someone who he thinks more of." "Ah, Mr Benson." "We just met the famous Hercules." "It's not what you think." "I think we should discuss your whereabouts on the night Seb died." " Perhaps you should put the box down." " No, no!" "I'm fine." "How long have you been back there?" "Long enough." "Oh, Tim, what have you done?" "You're the one who's been skulking round with the builder!" "Mrs Benson, what exactly is it you think your husband has done?" "Isn't it obvious?" "The scissors, the lies -- he killed Seb and Cleo." "I did what?" "And I drove him to it." "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." "When I told you it was me or the rabbit, you weren't supposed to choose Hercules." "Is that him?" "Perhaps you'd care to join us." "I knew it!" "Tim, I just wanted to hurt you like you'd hurt me." "He's nothing to me." "All right, love!" "I just wanted you for your chest freezer." "What?" "What does that even mean?" "And for your information, I didn't kill anyone!" " How could you even think that?" " You've been acting so strangely, and it's been going on for weeks -- the drinking, the skulking about." " Belinda's been worried too." " That wasn't why..." "Oh, for goodness sake!" "Mr Benson?" "In a matter of weeks, I'd lost everything -- my wife, my home, my pride..." ".. and then on top of all that," "I lost the one thing that could still make me happy." "It happened the day after we had the row, the day after I walked out." "I went to his hutch, and he was just..." "And the rabbit that was taken from the show?" "A last-minute replacement and a pale imitation." "I'd already taken the stud fees." "I just needed a rabbit who could... .. perform." "But then I got greedy." "I thought I could pass him off at the show." "But Hercules was a celebrity rabbit." "People wanted a closer look, photographs, even." "I just wanted to be part of it, the few days in the year when people treated me with respect, actually cared about what I had to say." "Oh, Tim!" "I felt sure Cleo had worked it out." "I had to find a way of withdrawing from the competition without raising suspicion, so I decided that Hercules Two needed to disappear." "And that's when you killed Seb!" "What?" "No!" "Why do you keep saying that?" "One other question -- did either of you have access to Delphi Hartley's cellar?" "Hm." "I'll check the freezer." "Ailsa, what have you done?" "I'm sorry, Tim." "I was just trying to keep the shop going." "Can you forgive me?" "We'll have to see." "So Timothy was the rabbitnapper," "Ailsa and Jayesh are the fur thieves, so where's Errol Judd?" "Not on his way back to Thailand, not without his passport." " Or his daughter." " You think this is about Tegan, someone cutting her ties to Midsomer -- her boyfriend, her mother." "Or is someone trying very hard to keep her close?" "Whoa!" "Next entrance, not this one." "Tegan." "Delphi!" "Is that the new book?" "Why?" "I've written over 30 books, and some would say I have written the same book 30 times." "I like my stories and my characters, but if nobody wants my books any more, what's the point in writing them?" "I'm going to sell the Hall." "I think it's a good idea." "I am going to need you more than ever." "Please don't go to Thailand." "No, I won't." "I'll stay here for you." "And there's someone else I'm staying for." "Bless you." "Check the house and grounds." "I'll check the show." " Can I help you?" " Are you OK?" " Yes, I'm fine." " Do you know where your father is?" "No." "Sir, you need to get round to the back of the Hall." "Stop!" " Shray!" " Come any closer and I'll press the button." "You need to let Tegan's father go, Shray." "Stop this before it gets worse for you." " Dad!" " Tegan, no." "Please don't hurt him!" "Why not?" "He hurt you." "He left you!" "Shray, please." "You're scaring me." "He doesn't care about you, Tegan, not like I do." "He just wants to take you away." "I'm not going anywhere." "I'm staying here, with Delphi, with you." "I was going to talk to you, tell you how I really felt." "Remember your birthday?" "I took you to our favourite place." "The picnic, I remember." "It was perfect, the perfect place, the perfect time to finally say it, and then Seb called you and you told him to join us!" "I..." "I didn't realise." "No, it's OK." "Because then I knew what I had to do." "I just needed to get the moment back, but I couldn't do that while Seb was around." "Son!" "What did you..." "You couldn't see what he was really like, the way he used people to get what he wanted." "He lied all the time." "Then you caught him in the marquee, ruining all Tegan's hard work." "He didn't care about what he'd done." "He just wanted the sale, then he was going to leave and take you with him." "If only Timothy Benson hadn't left those scissors lying around." "There would have been a lot of blood, but you had somewhere to clean up " "Rose Cottage." "You still had the keys the next morning, until Cleo took them." "You killed my mum?" "I couldn't be sure about what she'd found." "I couldn't take that risk." "I tried to make it look like an accident, to make this as easy on you as I could." " Easy?" " She was lying to you, Tegan!" "All those years, about your dad, a liar, like Seb." "I'm not like them." "I'd never do that to you." "I trusted you." "I thought you were my best friend." "Maybe there could have been a future between us." "There still can." "Tegan, Tegan!" " Dad!" " Shray, enough!" "Dad!" "Dad." "Shray Varma, I'm arresting you for the murders of Seb Huntington," "Cleo Langton and the attempted murder of Errol Judd." "Dad, Dad!" "I'm sorry I've let you down, son." " You didn't." " I must have." "Look at you." "Look at what you've done!" "If only he'd got his perfect moment." "If he was too scared of rejection to tell Tegan how he really felt, maybe he didn't deserve her after all." "Faint heart never won fair maid." "That's it." "Oh!" "Oh, that's a bit tricky." "You try and do that one." "Who's that?" "Come here." "Come go see Dad." "There we go." "Come on, we've got to get this back to the station in an hour." "Let's get this photo taken." "Come here." "There we go -- one for you." "Oh." "And one for Bernie." " Come here, Paddy." " Look at the lady." " Over there, look." " Say 'cheese'." "Not my face!"