"♪" "NEDDY:" "It's done, mum." "We've made the selection and it's ready for you." "(HEAVY SIGH)" "The perfect edit." "(JACK IN THE BOX MUSIC) ♪ "Pop Goes the Weasel"" "MAN:" "This is so amazing, isn't it?" "No, it's kind of creepy, honey." "No, just watch." "It's exactly like the kind I had as a child, and the lady, she didn't even charge me for it." "She just gave it to me." "No, I'm sorry." "That's just weird." "It's not weirder than your doll collection." "My vintage Barbies aren't terrifying." "Ken sure is." "(JACK IN THE BOX MUSIC) ♪ "Pop Goes the Weasel"" "(KNOCKING)" "(FLOOR CREAKING)" "(JACK IN THE BOX MUSIC) ♪ "Pop Goes the Weasel"" "(MAN SCREAMS)" "(JACK IN THE BOX MUSIC) ♪ "Pop Goes the Weasel"" "(SCREAMS)" "Tonight's the big night." "Everything needs to be perfect." "Are you sure this is a good idea?" "Whatever do you mean?" "We've never exactly had guests." "Oh." "It's only been the three of us as long as I can remember." "And the girls." "Of course the girls." "The girls." "You're not scared are you, Neddy?" "A little." "Oh." "And, Penny, you know it takes a lot frighten me." "Well, don't worry." "Everything will be perfect." "I've waited my whole non-existent life for this." "The excitement, the romance, the magical power of true love's first kiss." "Oh, it'll be tremendous, stupendous, spontaneously wonderful." "Penny, might ask you, where exactly did you find this gentleman?" "The Internet." "You can find almost anything on the internet." "Come on." "Mum, what if our guests just don't respond well to us?" "Well, fiddle-dee-dee." "What's not to love?" "Come on, help me get ready." "(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)" "What if they suspect that we's different, that we's not normal?" "(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)" "Ah, whew." "Look if he causes any trouble and he's not the one then well, we'll just handle it." "By handle it do you mean politely ask him to leave?" "No we slit his throat and chop him into a million pieces and throw him into the incinerator." "Very good, mum." "How do i look?" "You look... you look... (DOORBELL)" "Oh, he's here!" "Bugger." "MAN:" "Yello?" "Hello." "You must be Rex." "Yeah that's me." "I'm Penny." "Welcome to my..." "Great!" "You wanna go grab a taco or a drink or something?" "No silly, we're in a movie theater, we're gonna watch a movie." "A scary one." "(SIGHS)" "Now we all have to be on our very best behavior." "Tonight we have a special guest." "Judith?" "No slouching." "That's better." "Ok that's a little strange." "No talking during the movie." "Shh." "(GIGGLES)" "Popcorn?" "Sure." "Actually I'm good." "(FILM STARTS)" "Hey you know what?" "Why don't..." "Shhh, it's starting." "(ALARM CLOCK BELL RINGS)" "(ALARM CLOCK BELL RINGS)" "(BELL STOPS)" "(LAWN MOWER STARTS)" "(VOMITING)" "(TOILET FLUSHING)" "Oh God." "It's fine." "Whatever happened last night, it's fine." "We made it home all in one piece." "Mostly." "(CLOCKS TICKING)" "Oh God." "(LAUGHING)" "I ordered the chocolate glaze, you can have the one with sprinkles." "Are you telling me there's only one chocolate doughnut?" "No!" "Wait!" "There's... one with chocolate glaze." "and two with chocolate doughnut and chocolate glaze." "Does a doughnut with only chocolate glaze count as a chocolate doughnut?" "I don't know but gimmie it." "MAN:" "Nothing happened." "I swear." "Just... one innocent flirtation that's it." "Can we at least talk about it?" "Alice please." "Charlie don't." "What do you want me to say?" "I'm not a mind reader." "Well great, this is just great." "So we're just gonna sit out here all night, huh?" "Let's just go inside." "We'll have a good time, then we can work this all out in the morning." "Come on." "Yeah, then everything will be fine right?" "It's weird, I'm not..." "I'm not even jealous or angry." "I'm just..." "I'm just numb." "I've been meaning to do this for awhile now..." "I just never found the right time." "Would you..." "Alice... you just... just put it on." "I'm, I'm sorry Charlie." "I can't do this." "What?" "Isn't this what you want from me?" "What more can I do for you?" "Charlie you're drunk and you're confused but this isn't a solution to any of this." "Just..." "Take it." "Please?" "Just..." "Think it over." "Maybe you'll come around." "I really need to be alone right now." "I'm sorry." "Please don't follow me." "What!" "You know, why don't you just pawn the God damn rock?" "(LAUGHING)" "It's okay." "I had the doughnut." "Morning." "You guys seen Theo?" "I'm making art." "(MEN LAUGHING)" "I can see that." "You missed an amazing party." "What'd you guys do?" "(LAUGHING)" "What is this, a joke?" "We got trashed." "(LAUGHING)" "Sit." "Sit!" "Come on!" "Sit." "That's better." "I missed you." "Whoa!" "You are going to need these." "I'm sorry." "Now that I think about it." "I haven't seen the cat." "That's weird." "(LAUGHING)" "Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty." "Theo." "Thanks Charlie." "Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty." "So, really, none of us have seen the cat?" "Anniversary party." "Tonight at the lake, if you're coming." "Yeah." "I remember." "They're going to be really happy to see me." "I'll be home by seven." "Who are?" "What do you mean?" "They love you." "Besides your drunkenness and general lack of pedigree." "(LAUGHING)" "So, where'd you go last night?" "Oh, God, honestly I don't even remember." "It's all kind of a fog." "Convenient." "It takes a true drunk to black out." "Alice, you never cease to amaze." "(WATER DRIPS)" "You should've been there." "Yeah, you should've been there." "Um, have you seen the keys?" "Don't you have to work, Angel?" "My world would be so dark and lost without you." "You're pure enlightenment." "(LAUGHING)" "CHARLIE:" "I'm enlightenment." "(LAUGHING)" "Where are my keys?" "Of course." "I'm, off." "Great." "Oh, God." "(ENGINE STARTS)" "(RADIO PLAYS)" "(WOMAN LAUGHING)" "Freedom in a bottle." "All you have to do, ...is drink." "(GIGGLING)" "Whoa!" "WOMAN:" "So, of course," "I called the water company." "He says he doesn't know how long it will take to fix it." "Can you believe that?" "Not like it's his job or anything." "MAN:" "That is so unprofessional." "The least they could do would be to give us some kind of timeframe." "(VOICES DRONE ON)" "(MUSIC)" "CLIVE:" "A place like this." "Almost makes you feel more alone." "ALICE:" "It's funny isn't it?" "I'm talking to somebody, am I right?" "Maybe it's just some sick joke." "To making us think that we deserve..." "Or really, maybe, maybe, maybe..." "This is just all there is." "You're welcome" "Gosh, I seem to be talking on." "I'm sorry you don't know me." "Don't be sorry." "I think..." "I think it would be nice to get to know you." "Why?" "You gonna give my ring back?" "Oh." "Yes." "I apologize." "It's not even really mine." "I'm not married or anything." "Look." "You should probably really head home." "This place can get a little rough." "I thought you said you want to get to know me." "Beside it can't be all bad, you're here." "Can we get another round of what ever he's having?" "Clive." "Alice." "(MUSIC STOPS)" "MAN:" "Hey." "Sorry, I did it again." "Remember we've got that meeting today at 2." "Did you do something with your hair?" "Hey, Jim, have you ever have one of those nights where you think you may have changed your life forever, but you just cannot remember what happened?" "Are you kidding?" "Most patrol nights back in Korea." "Yeah I figured." "Has charlie been fooling around again?" "You know, I'm not sure." "But thanks for reminding me." "You've been a big help." "Anytime sugar." "So the meeting?" "Be there or be square." "I'll get ya in on a little secret." "It's Sue's birthday." "There will be cake." "I don't think I'm gonna make it." "Actually, I haven't been feeling so well." "I think I'm just gonna pop on over to the doctors and get a check up." "That's too bad." "What a bummer you'll miss the cake and the streamers." "I think it's vanilla with a butter-cream frosting." "(HEART BEATING)" "That's what I'm hoping for." "Do you want me to save you a piece?" "Alice?" "Yes." "DOCTOR:" "Dizziness?" "Yes." "Fever?" "Yes." "And memory lapses..." "Huh, stomach pain loss of appetite?" "Yes." "Ok, were gonna need to run a few tests." "I'll have the receptionist call you in a day or two." "Whats wrong with me?" "At this point, there are lots of possibilities." "When I get the blood work back we'll know more." "So this could just be a really bad hangover?" "Should it be?" "That's the thing, I..." "I can't seem to remember." "My memory's a little foggy." "Well, just try and get some rest." "Thank you." "(CLOCK TICKING)" "(CAR HORN)" "JESS:" "Hello." "We really have to do something about this heat." "How did you..." "I'm special." "But you already knew that." "Look I'm, I'm sorry, is there something" "I can do for you miss?" "Doctors can't help you." "Are you following me?" "Ya know, you pull off decomposition very well, I must say." "It's cute and vile all at the same time." "It's very sexy." "I know it's silly but I missed you and I'm sure you missed me too." "Look I'm sorry." "I don't know who you think I am or what you suppose happened between us but you're imagining it." "Please leave me alone." "You're dying inside." "Every little organ is slowly giving out, one by one by one." "You're experiencing life in a way you never thought possible, sounds are heightened, reflexes faster, touch, taste, smell... (MUSIC)" "Wow look what the cat dragged in," "I have missed you." "Three shots of Ouzo." "I'm sorry I didn't mean..." "I'm just..." "You're not going anywhere." "I'm sorry if you think me rude." "I'm just not that good with strangers." "What is that perfume you're wearing?" "I'm not wearing any perfume." "Alice, have you ever been with a woman?" "You have such a sad, sad look on your face." "Jess, leave her alone." "So like a man Clive." "Uninspired." "So this is what we're going to do." "Your gonna take this, and then you're coming with me." "See that wasn't so bad." "(MUSIC FADES AWAY)" "You are so soft." "What the hell this is my house, how did you?" "We have to do something about that memory of yours." "Of course, gallivanting around outside all day hasn't helped." "You still have a lot to learn." "What in God's name are you?" "God?" "(JESS LAUGHS)" "God has nothing to do with this." "I was the one that took a sad, pitiful, meaningless girl and turned her into something truly spectacular;" "and now it's your turn to return the favor." "On one hand you can become a rotting corpse and on another... a god among men." "Oh my God, are you insane?" "Drink." "Have you listened to yourself?" "Have you looked at yourself?" "Go on take a look." "You have minutes... seconds left on this earth." "Last night I gave you a vial, but it's not enough to change you, not completely." "Oh my God." "Oh my God, oh my God, am I going insane?" "Why couldn't you just leave me alone to die?" "I could have." "But for crying out loud." "There, there." "Maybe you weren't special in this world." "Maybe you weren't loved the way you needed to be loved." "But you can be with me." "(MUSIC) ♪ "House of the Risin' Sun"" "You've done this before." "You are the only thing I'm thinking about." "I want you so bad don't be afraid." "(MUSIC FADES AWAY)" "CHARLIE:" "Alice, why weren't you at work?" "I've been calling you." "ALICE:" "Jess, please." "Let him go." "What the hell?" "Alice are you okay?" "Listen to me, if you've hurt her..." "You're pretty." "I would have expected you to be taller." "You're kind of cute." "All talk no bite." "Jess, don't please." "Something I forgot to mention how is it that humans don't know we exist?" "It's strange right?" "See anytime one finds out, they cease to exist." "That's it." "Do you feel the hunger growing inside of you?" "It will only grow and grow until you drink." "Charlie..." "You're a monster" "Watch" "How powerful is a kiss?" "A blending of the minds." "Charlie dear, why don't you go lie down you look tired." "But I want to be near you." "Go." "Yes, of course." "ALICE:" "Charlie..." "Charlie..." "CHARLIE:" "Alright." "ALICE:" "Charlie." "Charlie." "It's amazing." "It's sexy isn't it." "Power." "So what happens now?" "We drink his blood and then what?" "Do we live together forever?" "Well, yes." "Except you will drink." "He's too common for my taste." "Inbred spoiled brats like him have such thin blood." "Past this puritanical disguise" "I know your true nature." "We will be the perfect match." "Yes but I don't want to hurt the people I love." "Oh, for crying out loud, Alice." "How long are you going to keep this up." "Theo?" "Theo?" "You..." "You ate my cat?" "Yes." "When we got back I was in the mood for something sweet." "Oh, so you can eat my cat but you can't eat my boyfriend?" "Are you really surprised?" "(JESS LAUGHS)" "You know we can do this all day, we have an eternity to work things out." "Right now, we have a boy that needs draining and I really think it would be better for both of us if you did it before he was fully conscious." "Don't you?" "You're right." "You've been right all along." "I don't know what's wrong with me." "I shouldn't be fighting you." "I should be grateful to you." "You saved me." "I always knew you would come around." "You are different." "I knew it from the moment we met." "Yes, we will always be together." "Yes, we'll always be together." "I love you so bad." "It's ok." "(MUSIC) ♪ "When Summer Is Through"" "(MUSIC) ♪ "Hand In Mine"" "ALICE:" "So what's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?" "What do you say you and I get out of here?" "(MUSIC FADES AWAY)" "PENNY:" "Ya hey!" "(GIGGLES)" "Wow!" "Wow, wow..." "Now, as we always do, we shall discuss." "Ladies?" "What do you mean?" "How can you say that?" "Your opinions are so whacky." "I think we've had enough of your negativity." "Whoa, whoa, Jesus Christ." "Sorry." "I'm so sorry you had to see that." "Okay." "Put the gun down now, psycho." "Okay?" "Oops." "Yeah." "Oh, pointing loaded guns at people is rude." "Yeah." "Okay, I'm just going to walk out of here now." "Okay?" "Nice and slow, I'm just going to..." "No." "No, wait." "You're supposed to stay." "You're supposed to give me a kiss, a kiss of true love." "I knew this was going to happen." "Yep." "Okay, listen, lady." "This is too much for me, okay?" "The creepy theater, the old movie, talking to dolls." "I mean, at first I was like, "Hey, cool costume." "Nice ass." "Maybe I could hit that."" "You know?" "Okay, look." "Look, if you want to we can still go back to my place and get it on." "Just not in front of the freak show you got going on over here." "(GASPS)" "So what do you say?" "We get a nice bottle of booze, go back to my place, put on a little..." "Dirty, dirty, nasty boy." "And to think I thought you could give me my first kiss." "Help!" "Oh." "Help me!" "No, no, you keep bleeding." "You're a very, very bad man." "NEDDY:" "I'm so sorry." "Oh, thanks, Neddy." "It's okay." "I double booked just in case things didn't work out." "NEDDY:" "Wolfboy, go get the chainsaw and the trash bags." "Do you mind if I snacked a bit first?" "We rarely get meals so fresh." "This is true." "Oh, go ahead." "(DOORBELL)" "He's here early." "Hello?" "Hello?" "PENNY:" "Welcome." "MAN:" "My, my, my." "What perfection." "It's an amazing look." "These look so real." "You're so cold." "Do you need a jacket or a cape?" "I have something to show you." "This is so great." "You know, you should really post some tips on how to your look on the cosplay boards." "I have a Facebook group too." "you should this place." "Wow!" "You know, this would really be like the best date ever." "PENNY:" "Oh!" "Amazing!" "What props, and the makeup?" "You really didn't have to do all this for me." "I mean this..." "It's for true love." "I mean, that's great." "I mean, you know I'm into the whole horror movie thing and everything, but you didn't have to do all this." "This is..." "Okay, this is your seat and I'm sitting right here." "Oh, okay." "Yeah, great." "Let's do this." "So..." "You talk a lot." "I'm sorry." "Am I talking a lot?" "I talk a lot when I get nervous and I'm really nervous right now because I rarely ever go out on dates." "Rarely." "I mean, like never, and you're so... hot!" "If I'm not being too forward." "I'm really glad we met." "Okay, it's time for the movie." "What kind of film is this?" "Is it a creature feature, or a slasher, or aliens?" "It's a good one." "Cool!" "(FILM STARTS)" "(MUSIC)" "(MUSIC FADES AWAY)" "Hey, babe." "TV CARTOON:" "I supposed old Manna the bear and her cubs are about bedded down for the winter." "Yoo-hoo, anyone home?" "Hi, Mr. Ranger." "Hey, mom, Mr. Ranger's here." "(KNOCKING)" "What's up, man?" "Good morning." "Fucking cartoons." "What time is it?" "Three, I think..." "Where's Nancy at?" "She's waking the others." "(KNOCKING)" "Come on guys, we have to hit the road." "We're coming." "Seriously guys come on I know what you're doing." "We have to hit the road." "I really shouldn't Betty's going to be pissed." "Fuck her." "You guys are seriously toking?" "Don't be mad?" "I won't be mad if you don't bogart the thing..." "Pass the Jane." "(KNOCKING)" "My girl is the coolest thing in the world." "Way cool" "Hey baby what's up?" "They're in there doing it again." "You guys what the fuck are you doing?" "(LAUGHING)" "It's totally Zen baby." "All aces." "Really?" "Well I don't want to stay another night in this dump." "We have shit to do." "You know what?" "You're right." "Come on." "Let's jam brother." "Upsy daisy." "(GAS STATION BELL RINGS)" "Hello." "Hello?" "This makes shop lifting easy." "We really are in the sticks." "The bathrooms locked." "How're you all doing?" "Sorry nature called." "Great do you have the key to the bathroom?" "The bathroom ain't worked in ten years." "Should have just boarded it up instead of locking it." "Suggestions then?" "I usually go out back behind the oil drums." "You have any cold beers boss?" "Oh yeah sure." "American beer only." "None of that European crap." "Works for me." "Can I get seven dollars on pump 2?" "Fillin' er' up." "Alright." "You kids on spring break?" "Something like that." "Don't get very many vacationers up here anymore, especially since all the bad press this place has been getting." "Oh you are talking about those missing persons." "Serial killers, monsters in the woods..." "Some'n like that." "Oh hey, man." "Yeah, let me take a couple of these." "Alright." "Oh honey, I need some Bit O' Honey." "(GIGGLES)" "Are you serious." "We'll take these not these." "Hello?" "Do you want a bag for them?" "No we're drinking in the car." "Alright, we're jetting!" "Guess what?" "I'm commandeering the 8 track." "No more of that Captain  Tennille bullshit." "11 missing people over the past three years all within a sixty mile radius." "I haven't seen a town for sixty miles." "Yeah seriously, your research is not exactly spot on... the last three hot spots... hot spots had nothing, zilch." "I just read the news." "How can you read a coloring book?" "I vote we keep driving." "I'll make that call." "Oh." "Oh, okay." "Make the call." "put your foot down." "Oooh." "My van, my road trip, my rules." "Could someone get their twist in a joint, and turn up the music please?" "Hey what do you want to listen to, Jerry?" "No Doobie Brothers." "We can't listen to music we'll miss the hot spots, right guys?" "(LAUGHING)" "Could we at least put some tunes on?" "There's no power." "Oh God." "Hey Jerry, tell us a story?" "You're always so funny." "Oh." "Oh no, Jerry is not very entertaining." "Hey, I resent that." "I think that you are very entertaining" "No, no please don't give him a hand job in this car." "We don't want to see that." "Guys I think someone is coming." "No shit." "Not in here out there." "MOTORIST:" "Hey, pretty thing." "What seems to be the problem?" "We're stuck can you help us?" "Yeah I'll take a look." "Lost a spark plug wire." "Well shit fire and save matches, boy." "How long have you been driving?" "All night at least five hours." "Five hours, yeah." "Deader then a door nail." "Really?" "I ain't got that part in my shop." "You'll have to wait till morning." "(SPITS)" "Is there a motel nearby or somewhere you can take us?" "Yeah?" "Nearest motel is about 100 miles back that way." "Oh." "That's where we just came from." "He's not that creepy." "No, he's... he's creepy." "Are you desperate enough I guess" "I can let you all stay at my place." "Really you'd do that?" "Sure, fix it in the morning." "It would take me fifteen minutes to put the part on." "Take no time at all." "We don't want to be any imposition." "Ain't no trouble." "Just gotta give you a heads up though, my family's a might bit eccentric if that don't bother you." "Different strokes for different folks, right?" "We just don't want to sleep in the van again." "Why don't you hop in the truck there, boy." "And you, pretty little thing, hop in the van" "Appreciate it." "Who would stop in the middle of the night?" "He is going to let us stay at his house." "Perfect strangers." "That's kind of weird." "Bad idea to talk to strangers." "Now you all remember now, like I said about my family, ain't quite typical... especially you big city folk, you're big city folk right?" "Yeah." "Brother!" "Hey!" "Sweetheart!" "Good to see ya." "This here is my baby sister Ruth." "Candy." "Everybody calls me Candy." "Incest... check." "Gosh, Ruth is kind of an old sounding name don't you think?" "Yeah." "Hi." "June." "Jay." "So why do they call you Candy?" "Because I am the sweetest thing in this entire county." "I bet you are." "(LAUGHING)" "Hi." "I am Nancy and I am not amused." "Hey." "Hey." "MOTORIST:" "Hey, Mama." "Oh." "(LAUGHS)" "This here is Ron." "He and his friends, they got stuck in route 33." "They going be staying the night, if that's okay." "Oh, well how do you do?" "Good to meet you Ma'am." "How many friends did you say?" "Ah, they'll be six of them." "Six!" "some real good party." "Yeah!" "It's my brother's 45th." "Now, I know you can't believe that I would have a son that old, can you?" "I never would've guessed ma'am." "You look great." "Oh well now, aren't you just most charming little devil, you." "Will you stop that!" "Shit fire, Mama!" "I'd told you not to get in my cooking." "Yes ma'am." "We are gonna have some real good party tonight." "Ah, you do like cake don't you?" "I love cake." "Oh I hope we have enough... nice meeting you, I'll be right in." "And get that chaw out of your mouth." "Yes, ma'am." "Thank you." "One set of lovers campus beds." "These beds are really sturdy." "See, Cody is really good with his tools." "Ron and I will take this room." "Great." "Okay so there's two more rooms down the hall, so just make yourselves at home." "I gotta go get ready for the show." "Show?" "You'll see." "Give that bitch a show." "Babe, mellow... (PHONE RINGS)" "Hello?" "Oh hi, honey, what?" "That's great news, I'll see you then." "That was Papa, so we can start the show." "He said he'd be home in time for dinner." "Cody!" "Are you drinking a Pepsi?" "Have you offer these folks a Pepsi or a beer?" "Where are your manners?" "When are you gonna learn to be hospitable?" "I'm sorry Mama." "All right well you do the right thing now, have a beer Pepsi." "Yes Mama." "You want Pepsi?" "FAMILY:" "Hey." "Yay!" "(APPLAUSE)" "CANDY:" "Okay guys just don't make fun of my outfit." "I grew a bit since I graduated." "(LAUGHTER)" "Do you want to tell her that her outfit isn't a problem or shall I?" "Brady loves my cheers." "Ruthie and Cody, Candy and all of them." "Candy, Ruthie likes to be called Candy now." "I love Candy!" "Yeah we all love Candy." "Give me a G." "Yay!" "I don't have a good feeling about this." "Nah this is cool." "Come on everybody." "CANDY:" "Give me an R, A." "It's kosher, trust me." "Okay now give me an S." "FAMILY:" "S!" "Okay, that does spells?" "Generals!" "Way to go Brady, Way to go Brady." "Happy birthday." "PAPA:" "Ah..." "I missed the show." "MAMA:" "Honey." "You wore your apron home again." "Yeah, I've been busy." "I can't believe you don't know... have smell that thing when you are driving home." "Oh stop it, it's just me, I'm a butcher." "Everybody let's eat, we'll ah, make introductions at the table." "Now where you kids heading, uh?" "Ran away from home." "That isn't funny, don't insult our guests." "Really not that insulting." "No..." "Aren't you guys eating?" "There is plenty of food." "Yeah go and get you some." "No, where are not gonna eat, because we are not fucking cannibals." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "You guys are those vegetarians." "(LAUGHING)" "Silly me, I should've of known, big city kids." "I'm sorry I should've made you more vegetables." "We're not vegetarians." "Well then." "What is it then?" "That you insult our intelligence ma'am." "We know what you inbred hillbillies are up to." "Now that's insulting." "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to... ask you kids to leave." "Why because we are not falling for your fucking tricks, not eating your poison food?" "Not willing to become your next set of victims?" "What in the hell are you talking about." "Don't piss him off lady." "You are starting to piss him off." "Mama I'm getting scared." "Shut the fuck up you little tramp." "That's enough!" "I want some salt." "Where is he, huh?" "The other brother." "The one with the chain saw, power drill, you guys keep him locked up in the basement, waiting for us to get all doped up on your poison food." "Is that it?" "Now listen boy, I've got the van," "I think it's best you all sleep outside tonight." "Okay, I don't want no shit y'all happen to be on, but you're scaring my family." "Scared?" "And that ain't right." "You wanna see something really scary?" "Yes!" "(GUNSHOT)" "(SCREAMS)" "Ow..." "Ow..." "You know what pistol whipped is?" "(SCREAMS)" "Check this shit hole out," "I'm sure there's place where they are keeping the bodies, or at least all this shit that they jacked." "Shut up!" "Stand her together; just in case anybody gets sloppy I want you to fuss them all." "Whoa... (SCREAMS)" "Why y'all doing this?" "Justice, payback." "It's the right thing to do." "Why are you splitting everybody up." "It's psychological, see what you think is going on, is almost always worse than what's really going on..." "Although we do intend to do some pretty wicked shit." "(MUFFLED SCREAMS)" "That sounds gruesome." "No." "God, no." "Y'all think we killed them Potterville kids don't you?" "And the spring break kids and the missing girl scouts, or the hitch hiker?" "No, I swear we didn't have anything to do with it." "I swear you have the wrong people." "I don't think so." "I am going to ask you one more time." "You got monogrammed shit all over the house." "Okay, you have an extra place setting at the fuckin table." "So where is Rusty?" "Rusty is our son." "He was lost in the war." "He never came home." "I always set a place for him." "Why are you trying my patience." "Bitch, do you want to die?" "(SCREAMING)" "Okay, okay it's your birthday." "What do you want for your birthday?" "It'll be like magic." "I want my cake." "Try this." "Try this, come on." "What?" "(SPITTING)" "I'm eating them all night." "Don't worry about it, man." "It's your birthday, man." "You're not getting cake, fuck tard." "You're not getting cake." "(SCREAMING)" "Good girl, one, two." "(CRYING)" "Nice, nice." "Nice little torture chamber we have here." "Okay, okay, okay." "Calm down, no tears, you want cake?" "Yeah." "Here is the fuckin cake, here it is." "I want cake." "Big piece." "Tell me what are you?" "Necrophiliacs?" "Pedophiles?" "not that I have any fucking idea." "Fuckin republicans you son of a bitch" "That an old picture of Tricky Dick up there." "I mean, not that that explains anything at all." "Even though there are plenty of cannibals with pictures of Nixon on the wall." "You know what I'm saying?" "I am what you might call a nympho." "I'm always horny." "I think about sex every second." "Mmm." "Yum." "Cake is good!" "Good!" "Do you want some?" "You can have a piece." "You can have a piece, we can share it with your friends." "Wait!" "Cake, you want some?" "Have a piece of cake." "(RADIO TUNING)" "(POLICE BAND TUNED IN)" "Hello?" "Shit." "You all right?" "Yeah, I'm cool." "Your fella is on fire tonight." "That's far out." "Dynamite." "So you got some dirt, right?" "Man, these people are all good." "Tight as a drum." "Even checked back in the shed." "Nada." "But they are guilty, you know?" "Who." "Ronnie is always right." "Yeah." "Ronnie is always right." "Yeah I do know one thing though," "I am way too sober for this shit." "Wanna rock a speedball?" "Hey, just promise you won't touch my tits okay?" "Promise." "This guy he is a fuckin demon." "Hey get a grip, Hoss." "He is a fuckin demon." "Hey, calm down." "Why you gone like this?" "Us?" "We're normal, you're the weirdoes." "It is 1975, who the fuck doesn't own a television?" "We just want to be left alone, that's all." "Just want to be left alone." "Too bad, bro." "We are all in this together." "See what you do effects other people." "You know that tow truck out there?" "It spits shit out into the air." "And that pollution is causing the planet to cool." "Yeah that's right fucko." "Another ice age because of idiots like you." "It's called global cooling" "You serious?" "Fuckin right I am!" "Why the fuck can't you people just be normal?" "You know I am a little disappointed, I... thought a hooker like you would perform better." "Huh?" "Are you itchy, I am itchy." "I'm a little itchy, I'm a little itchy." "I got some bug spray." "Does Candy have some crabs." "You got some crabs?" "Maybe sweet little Candy has the crabs." "(BUG SPRAYER)" "(SCREAMING)" "(BUG SPRAYER)" "Stop it, please." "(BUG SPRAYER)" "(SCREAMING)" "Say cheese." "(BUG SPRAYER)" "(SCREAMING)" "Birthday Brady, birthday Brady." "Yeah I am just getting warmed up." "Hey you ready Mamma?" "You ready for the show?" "(LAUGHS)" "It's my birthday." "No cut a piece." "Cut a piece." "Cut a piece." "don't take, cut apiece!" "Did we get them little bugs out?" "Hmm?" "Why don't you just chew on these for a minute." "Make yourself useful." "It's gonna be good." "Okay, ready?" "Sit tight back there." "I'll get you all ready." "Come on, come on." "No, No." "Don't waste that good shit." "(COUGHING)" "You're wasting it." "Come on." "(COUGHING)" "It is good." "I know." "Wow!" "It's why you married him, you know?" "It is good!" "Real beautiful, fucking crazy beautiful." "What?" "What are you saying?" "Yeah, come on." "Come on." "No, no, no, my cake." "What?" "It's mine." "What?" "Fucking Bitch!" "(SCREAMING)" "Fucking shoot in me." "Jesus." "Fucking Bitch!" "(SCREAMING)" "What the fuck happened?" "Why did you do that?" "This is my cake!" "(SCREAMING)" "Now what?" "(SCREAMING)" "Jesus." "That bitch has a gun!" "(GUNSHOT)" "(GUNSHOT)" "(GUNSHOT)" "Whew!" "(SCREAMING)" "So... fucking pervert." "Ron?" "(SCREAMING)" "Ron, what happened?" "She got all fucked up." "Where's Nancy?" "Nancy is missing, you go find her." "But first shut that old hag up." "Okay." "I'm going to take care of the retard." "Yeah." "(OLD MUSIC)" "Hey." "What happened?" "I want some cake." "Can I have some more cake?" "Your friend ate my cake, I shared." "I did." "And he took more." "Can I have some cake?" "You know maybe at the end of the day, she really does make sense." "This isn't like last year." "I didn't have any friends at my party last year." "Fuck me." "I just hope this Rusty shows up." "Because I'll be ready for him." "Rusty can't come home." "He's with grandma and grandpa now." "Cody?" "Ooh." "Maybe we should just leave it up to fate." "Can you wake up my brother he has to take me to the mall on Thursday." "Okay monkey boy." "Game." "I like games, I play games." "I am good at games." "Checkers and cards and ping pong." "Since things got a little out of hand" "I figure it's the only way to keep it fair." "(CLICK)" "Pow." "(LAUGHING)" "Look at you super star." "You got yourself a second chance." "That's a gun." "A gun." "And its for you." "My dad has a gun." "He wont let me touch it" "He says it's dangerous." "It is." "Dangerous." "Dangerous." "That's right, it's time for you to exercise your second amendment rights friend." "Cody says that" ""Guns don't kill people." "People kill people."" "We went hunting." "Cody took me." "Don't be shy." "Come on." "Aim that thing right her." "And he shot a deer and we ate it." "Shoot me." "And it was dry, I didn't like it." "Shoot me." "Oh come on and shoot me, you retarded mother fucker." "Okay." "(GUNSHOT)" "(GUNSHOT)" "Did I?" "Did I win?" "Jerry?" "Hey Jerry, Jerry wake up." "Jerry wake up." "Where are we?" "I don't know, convenience store?" "What happened" "I was passed out." "Here is some tea to warm you up." "There you go, sport." "Oh darling let me help you." "There you go." "Kind of a rough night up there, huh?" "We don't know what you are talking about." "We got real drunk, and..." "Passed out real early." "Real early." "Drinks?" "Are you sure about that?" "You still have that rig tied around your arm." "I am sure you don't need that to throw back a couple of cold ones." "Shame what happened to the Slaughter family." "Slaughter family?" "Oh yeah." "Slaughter" "That was their, that's their name." "Kind of ironic seeing as how Billy Jack was a butcher." "Ah, been having a tough time last couple of years." "Rusty and all." "Their son." "It was kinda tough on me too being in the middle of the family situation like that, having to keep that secret." "How do you mean?" "Well, Rusty got a little messed up in Johnson's war over there." "Brutally disfigured, face all burnt up." "He didn't want to come back to the family looking like that." "He wasn't ready for normal society." "So we just decided to tell them he's dead." "And I told him he could come here and live with me and I would help him out with his issues." "Jerry?" "They turn our boys in to killing machines." "It's hard to let go." "Hey, maybe someday" "Rusty will just want to stop killing." "Could maybe even turn back to be normal." "Rusty!" "(CHAINSAW MOTOR)" "(SCREAMING)" "(FILM PROJECTOR RUNNING)" "That was great!" "I have never seen that one before." "And I thought I have seen every slasher especially from the seventies." "Will you stop talking?" "You talked through the entire film." "Nobody does that not even Agatha." "And she's crazy." "I'm sorry." "Maybe we can just be friends." "I already have the best friends in the world." "I don't need friends." "What I need is true love's first kiss, and you are definitely not it." "Okay, okay, don't have to get all crazy." "Crazy, crazy, psycho?" "The last boy said mean things, too." "No, no, no." "This is real?" "This is real?" "Uh, hello?" "Welcome to the undead movie party." "(SCREAMING)" "NEDDY:" "So do you all think we should let him go?" "WOLFBOY:" "Probably not a good idea." "PENNY:" "This is going to be harder than I thought." "(PANTING)" "Ah." "All better." "(DOORBELL)" "Who's that?" "MAN:" "Hello?" "Is anybody here." "I am here about the items you posted on craigslist." "PENNY:" "I didn't post." "WOLFBOY:" "I did." "Oh" "He was trying to make a little extra money." "Ah." "Well this is a great place you have here." "It's a real fixer upper." "Are you guys putting on a show or something?" "Something." "(MAN LAUGHS)" "Okay." "That is my personal space thank you." "Here we go these are all antiques." "Each one is $10, or you can take the whole box for $100." "Wow, okay yeah." "This is actually some great stuff here." "PENNY:" "You should take this." "Okay, but I was thinking more about the..." "It's free." "MAN:" "Free?" "WOLFBOY:" "Free?" "Well, great." "Okay." "Yeah, I mean it's just like the kind I had as a kid..." "You should really do that at home." "Okay I will do that at home." "Thank you, for the... and let me know about the whole show thing I'll buy tickets and bring the family." "Goodbye." "(GIGGLES)" "NEDDY:" "Should we go after him?" "Oh no I think we got him covered." "Sorry about the lack of finances, Wolfboy." "That's okay I am more worried about Penny." "Oh that's sweet." "Feels like this true love thing is right in front of me starring me in the face." "What should we do in the mean time?" "Let's watch a movie." "(MUSIC) ♪ "Halloween"" "♪ Froggy Fresh" "♪ and Money maker Mike, of course" "♪ Ghosts, goblins and monsters galore" "♪ I don't even wanna trick or treat no more." "♪ Some of the scariest things I've ever seen." "♪ You know what I mean?" "It's Halloween." "♪ Ghosts, goblins and monsters galore" "♪ I don't even wanna trick or treat no more." "♪ Some of the scariest things I've ever seen." "♪ You know what I mean." "♪ It's Halloween." "♪ It was October 31st" "♪ Me and Mike have walked 10 miles" "♪ and we were dying of thirst" "♪ Then all of a sudden" "♪ we remembered about the curse" "♪ It was the curse of the Birmingham hearse" "♪ On this very night, 20 years ago" "♪ A big black hearse went spinning off the road" "♪ For no good reason it blew all 4 tires" "♪ And guess who was inside it?" "♪ Mike Myers" "♪ We heard stories but we knew they weren't true" "♪ About the boy who went missing," "♪ They only found his shoes." "♪ Scary, but it never happened to us" "♪ We weren't afraid, we were way too tough" "♪ But then we heard a noise," "♪ and then a creepy voice" "♪ Was it a monster?" "♪ Was it James and his boys?" "♪ Then Mike Myers came busting out the bush" "♪ We got up on the bike," "♪ I screamed "Push Mike, push!"" "♪ Ghosts, goblins and monsters galore" "♪ I don't even wanna trick or treat no more." "♪ Some of the scariest things I've ever seen." "♪ You know what I mean." "♪ It's Halloween." "♪ Ghosts, goblins and monsters galore" "♪ I don't even wanna trick or treat no more." "♪ Some of the scariest things I've ever seen." "♪ You know what I mean." "♪ It's Halloween." "♪ Mike pedaled fast but it wasn't fast enough" "♪ Mike Myers never runs but he always catches up." "♪ He knocked us down and we both went flying" "♪ The candy sprayed everywhere" "♪ and Mike started crying" "♪ Forget the candy Mike," "♪ go and grab your stinking bike" "♪ Plus we got a bunch of candy" "♪ I don't even really like" "♪ Mike, he's got a stinking knife," "♪ We're about to loose our life" "♪ Pedal Mike, pedal Mike," "♪ pedal Mike with all your might." "♪ We pedaled and pedaled," "♪ it felt like forever" "♪ He said it had never happen," "♪ well... never say never" "♪ I took a look behind me," "♪ I didn't see a thing" "♪ But then my shoelace" "♪ got caught up in the chain." "♪ The bike swerved, the bike crashed" "♪ And then we both got covered in trash" "♪ And right before" "♪ our heads are about to get hacked off" "♪ Mike Myers takes his mask off" "♪ Ghosts, goblins and monsters galore" "♪ I don't even wanna trick or treat no more." "♪ Some of the scariest things I've ever seen." "♪ You know what I mean." "♪ It's Halloween." "♪ Ghosts, goblins and monsters galore" "♪ I don't even wanna trick or treat no more." "♪ Some of the scariest things I've ever seen." "♪ You know what I mean." "♪ It's Halloween." "♪ Happy Halloween, everybody."