"MAN ON TV:" "We now return t o Sunday Golf on CBS." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "And Mickelson here, trying to save par, and there's Mickelson's wife." "God, is she hot." "COMMENTATOR 2:" "Look at that rack." "There's a downhill lie for you." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "They're just out there begging to be touched." "Pleading." "How many golf balls do you think she can fit in her mouth?" "COMMENTATOR 2:" "I'd hit that one in the rough, if you know what I'm saying." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "Who are you kidding, Greg?" "You'd pork her for a week and then get tired of her." "COMMENTATOR 2:" "Yeah, you're right ." "That's what I do." "That's my thing." "But a hell of a week, though." "COMMENTATOR 1:" "Hell of a week." "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "Oh, my God, the power's out." "What are we gonna do now?" "Well, we could light some candles and read." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Yeah, right." "Yeah, that'd be great." "Yeah, read the inside of my butt." "We could tell stories." "Hey, Dad, why don't yo u tell the story about when I was born?" "Yeah, we got halfway home with the afterbirth, before we had to go back to the hospital and swap it out for Meg." "The end." "Now, I got a better one." "This is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons, and the foresight to retain international merchandising rights." "This is the story of Star Wars." "Let's begin with Part 4." "(STAR WARS MAIN THEME PLAYING)" ") (LASERS FIRING" "You hear that?" "Sounds like we're being boarded from the rear, and not the, "Hey, take a deep breath, let's experiment,"" "kind of boarded from the rear." ") (CLEVELAND BEEPING" "?" "Could you hold on to this bag" "What if they come in a different door?" "Well, I guess we'd all just get up and go to that door then." "Is it going to be like this all day, Jeff?" "Hey, I'm just trying to contribute." "Yeah, well contribute to pointing your gun at that door." "Mark, why are you always way nicer to me when the other rebels aren't around?" "Damn!" "I was two days from retirement." "R2?" "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi." "You're my only hope." "All right, now what do I click?" "Click "preferences."" "Okay, I clicked "preferences."" "Now go to "default media browser."" "Okay, there's a little hourglass and it's not letting me do anything." "It says "buffering." What is that?" "Just give it a minute." "All I'm trying to do is make an MPEG." "All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute." "Okay, relax." "Now click "import video file."" "All right." "It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7." "You know what?" "I'll just bring it to him myself." "There she is." "You still got that bag I gave you?" "It's gonna be a long ride." "Hold your fire." "There's no life forms aboard." "Hold your fire?" "What, are we paying g by the laser now?" "You don't do the budget, Terry." "I do." "Hey, I'm gonna do some crosswords, but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk." "." "Oh, yeah, yeah" "My God, look at this mess." ""Hey, Darth Vader's gonna be here," ""shall we maybe clean the place up?" ""No, it's okay, he won't mind."" "Well, well, Princess Leia." "Are you prepared to tell me what you've done with the stolen Death Star plans?" "All right, Lord Vader, you win." "I've hidden the plans in one of these 26 briefcases." "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Okay, okay, I'm feeling number 14, let's go with number 14." "Ohh!" "It's okay, I'm just happy to be on TV." "All right, take her away." "Okay, here's another one." "Who would you rather do?" "Jabba the Hutt right after a shower or a service droid?" "My father was a service droid." "Hey, where are you going?" "You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body." "Oh, man, this looks like the wrong neighborhood." "Oh, boy, it's okay, R2, calm down, be cool." "I ain't done nothing to antagonize nobody." "What, a droid can't walk down the desert no more?" "I got rights, too." "Who's there?" "(SHOUTING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)" "(CIRCUITS SCRAMBLING)" "(GROANS)" "(CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYING)" "(SPEAKING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)" "Any attack made by the rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained." "This station is now the ultimate power in the universe." "That is fantastic, terrific work." "So no weaknesses at all?" "No..." "No." "You, uh..." "You hesitated there." "Is there something I should know?" "No, it's virtually indestructible, like 99.99%." "Uh, okay, wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't ask, what's the 0.01?" "Well, I mean, there's this little hole." "It was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect." "And if you shoot a laser into this hole, the station blows up." "!" "Whoa, whoa , whoa, whoa" "That sounds like a pretty big design flaw, then." "No, no, the hole's only 2 meters across." "." "Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat" "Exactly." "And even to get within range of it, you have to skim along this whole trench." "It's not a big deal." "Can't we board it up or, you know, put some plywood over it or something?" "Well, that would look terrible." "I mean, we gotta think about resale." "Resale?" "What are you talking about?" "." "This property is right above Sunset" "The value is only gonna go up." "Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale." "Nor has it... (CHOKING) I find your lack of faith disturbing." "That property is in a prime location." "20 minutes to the beach, 20 minutes to downtown." "(CHOKING) There's nothing to do downtown." "." "Enough of this." "Vader, release him" "As you wish." "(GASPING)" "All right, so we're gonna plug up that hole?" "Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow, if price is no object." "Uh..." "We'll get estimates." "(LAUGHING SHEEPISHLY) Get estimates, yeah, yeah." "Someone was in the pod." "The tracks go off in this direction." "Look, sir, droids." "Look, a penny." "Hey, thanks for the sex, early '90s printer." "All right, bring him on out." "Oh, God, it's 100 degrees out here." "If I pass out, please note that I'm wearing a lifecall bracelet, with all my insurance information." "BERU:" "Luke?" "Luke!" "Luke!" "What?" "u Tell Uncle Owe n not to tell yo that your father is Darth Vader." "Aunt Beru, when are you guys going to let me join the Rebellion, like all my friends?" "Oh, stop whining, Luke, and come have some blue milk." "One of these days, I'm just gonna take off" ". and join the Rebellion, whether you like it or not" "Over my burnt carcass." "(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) Hey, shut up-a with the noise-a." "Hey, shut up-a wit h the shut up-a." "You shut up-a with the shut up-a." "Shut up-a your face." "Now-a my dog-a won't shut up-a." "Why you no shut up-a?" "I'll make-a you shut up-a." "You, too, shut up-a." "Hey, I poke out-a my head." "Some day, I'll get off this rock and fight the Empire." "John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra, everybody." "(SOMBER STAR WARSMUSIC)" "Now do the theme to The People's Court." "(PLAYING PEOPLE'S COURTTHEME)" "Oh, this oil bath is gonna feel so good." "Hey, you guys think that '90s printer looked clean, right?" "Hey, there's something stuck in this R2 unit." "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi." "You're my only hope." "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi." "You're my only hope." "Whoever she is, she sounds like she's in trouble." "Is there any more to this message?" "Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids." "Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids." "Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids." "Hi!" "I'm Darth Harrington of Darth Harrington's Intergalactic Proton" "Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising" "Droids Emporium and Moon Base." "Due to a garbled subspace transmission, I am currently overstocked on all Intergalactic Proton Powered" "Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids and I am passing the savings on to you!" "She said "Obi-One" Kenobi." "I wonder if she means old Obi-Wan Kenobi?" "Well, I guess I'll go bulls-eye some womp rats in my T-16." "My God, you shoot small animals for fun?" "That's the first indicator of a serial killer, you freak." "There's two suns and no women." "What the hell am I supposed to do?" "Master Luke, he's gone, he's gone." "What?" "R2, he took off in the middle of the night, we gotta find him." "Oh, what the phantom menac e is that guy's problem?" "Hey, mind if I turn on the radio?" "DJ:" "WTAT, Tatooine's all-talk radio." "HOST:" "My good friends, the liberal galactic media is at it again, they never stop." "Now they're trying to convince us that Hoth is melting." "Well, that's crazy, just trying to scare us." "And if that weren't enough to get you mad, we now have news that Lando Calrissian has been made the chief administrator of the Bespin mining facility." "Gee, I wonder how he got that job." "Well, let me tell you how he got that job." "Affirmative action strikes again." "The time is 8:50." "R2, what are you doing out here?" "(BEEPING)" "He says there are several creatures approaching from the southeast." "That's not what I said." "I said there ain't a pack of menthols on this planet." "Well, I see some bantha tracks, but I don't see any..." "Wait a minute, they're Sand People, all right, I can see one of them now." "(BARKING)" "(WHISTLING)" "(BARKING)" "Who the hell are you?" "One lucky son of a bitch." "So, Luke, what brings your muscly arms out this way?" "I'll show you, Mr. Obi-Wan." "R2, play him the message." "General Kenobi, many years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars." "We need your help again." "And, not to get too personal, but you owe us after that mess you got into back on Alderaan." "(FAST-FORWARDING)" "And we paid to keep the families of those children quiet, so..." "This is just, like, logistical stuff ." "I'll check that later." "...Joey Lawrence haircut." "So, I'll assume we can count on your help to get the Death Star plans to my father on Alderaan." "The plans are stored inside this R2 unit." "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." "All right now, what do I click?" "Luke, you must learn the ways of the Force, and come with me to Alderaan." "What's the Force?" "The Force is what gives a Jedi Knight his power." "It surrounds us, it penetrates us." "Mmm..." "Here, check this out." "Wow!" "This is cool." "Yeah, everyone in the neighborhood has one." "Hey, why would you hang that up?" "It looks so tantalizing." "You know, the Empire is gonna come looking for these droids." "But if they find out who the Jawa sold them to, that could lead them back..." "Home!" "Luke, wait, it's too dangerous." "Get your fat space ass back here." "Uncle Owen?" "Aunt Beru?" "Oh, my God!" "John Williams!" "Great, now we gotta do the rest of this thing with Danny Elfman." "(PLAYING ELFMAN-ESQUE MUSIC)" "HERBERT:" "Mos Eisley spaceport." "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy." "My sister Regina-D2 lives here." "Is she single?" "She's a lez-bot." "How are we gonna get in here?" "We don't have any chicks with us." "It's way easier to get into these clubs if you have chicks in your group." "You ever notice that?" "No, I never have." "Sorry, sir, private party tonight." "I'm a friend of Dave Navarro's." "You're a friend of Dave Navarro's." "You saw me here last week." "I seem like a cool dude." "I saw you here last week." "You seem like a cool dude." "Move along." "." "Move along , move along" "(STAR WARSCANTINA MUSIC PLAYING)" "(GROWLING)" "He doesn't like you." "Sorry." "I don't like you either." "You don't even know me." "You know what?" "That's fair." "I'm Pig Nose, and this is my brother-in-law, Scott." "He's visiting from Hoth." "I don't know why they call it Hoth." "They should call it Coldth." "Okay, settle down." "I'm up after the band." "Thank you." "We're the Cantina Band." "If you have any requests, shout 'em out." "(THROWING VOICE) Play that same song." "All right, same song, here we go." "(STAR WARSCANTINA MUSIC PLAYING)" "Oh, no, Stormtroopers." "Quick, R2, in here." "This door's locked, move on to the next one." "Well, maybe they're behind this door." "I just said it's locked." "Well, can't you knock or something?" "Hello?" "Well, I guess whoever's in there won't be getting this giant check" ". from Publisher s Clearing House" "CLEVELAND:" "Publishers Clearing House!" "QUAGMIRE:" "Shut up." "Did you hear something ?" "I heard voices, but they've stopped, so I'm gonna assume there's no one in there." "Hi, my sexy friend and I are looking for a ship to take us to Alderaan, and I'm willing to pay big money." "." "Well, you've come to the right place" "I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie." "Is it a fast ship?" "Are you kidding?" "It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs." "Um, isn't a parsec a unit of distance, not time?" "(STUTTERING)" "Chewie, take these guys to the ship and get her ready." "(GARGLING)" "Always gargle before a takeoff." "Wokka, wokka!" "All right, let's go." "(IN ALIEN LANGUAGE )" "Greedo, as a matter of fact, I was just going to see Jabba and tell him... (IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)" "Well, what do you think?" "What a piece of junk!" "Thank you, this was my brother's." "He died of leukemia." "How do you feel now?" "You got any strawberry milk in there?" "No, but she'll make 0.5 past light speed." "If you want, I'll show you around, since no one's trying to stop the ship or blast us." "Stop that ship, blast them." "Oh, now I can't show you around." "." "Quick, get in the ship" "Looks like we got Imperial Cruisers on our tail." "Oh, look at that one on the left." "Get off your cell phone, you are driving." "(RADAR BEEPING)" "They're gaining on us." "We'll be safe enough, once we make the jump to hyperspace." "Besides, I know a few maneuvers ." "We'll lose 'em." "That..." "That was your maneuver?" "Moving slightly to the left?" "?" "Well, I mean, we'r e not in the same place we were, huh" "That ought to confuse 'em." "Yeah, but you hardly did anything." "You just started listing lazily to the left." "I'm pretty sure they can keep up." "!" "Where did they go?" "There they are" "They're listing lazily to the left ." "Go left, left!" "Boy, this guy knows some maneuvers." "All right, strap yourselves in," "I'm about to make the jump to light speed." "Did he say "strap in" or "strap on"?" "." "Man, hyperspace always looks so freaky" "(DOCTOR WHO THEME PLAYING)" "(HIP-HOP BASS BLARING)" "Governor Tarkin." "I recognized your foul stench as soon as I was brought onboard." "Um, actually, that's me, I made a Darth doody." "I sithed my pants." "My diaper's gone over to the dark side." "I got pages of these, I could go on." "Princess Leia, we've chosen to test our Death Star planet blower-upper gun on your home planet of Alderaan." "No!" "She said no." "Should we still do it?" "Yeah." "(WEAPON CHARGING)" "(GASPING)" "So, anyway, I says, "Forget the dental plan, forget sick leave." ""I just want a railing." "You know, one railing right here."" "Yeah, I know, I've almost fallen over that thing so many times." "So, what did they say?" "Get this, they said they're worried we'd be leaning all day." "They said that?" "(SCOFFS) Yeah." "Well, none of this will matter when we're famous singers." "Good evening, Death Star." "Tonight a special report on the controversial attack on Alderaan." "While some view the attack as unwarranted, the Empire has obtained proof that Alderaan was in possession of weapons of mass destruction." "And now, let's go to our five day forecast." "What's the weather like, Ollie?" "Space weather." "Thanks, Ollie." "Coming up, we'll give you the road closures for this week's Ewok Pride Parade." "Stay with us." "How am I doing?" "Just keep your knees bent." "Imagine you're spreading butter on a big piece of bread." "That's it." "Spread that butter , with the Force." "Ha!" "You guys seem like crazy morons to me." "You don't believe in the Force, do you?" "Oh, you mean that thing you just found out about, like, three hours ago, and are now judging me for not believing in it?" "Do you believe in anything?" "Uh, yeah." "Didn't you see m y Cabala bracelet?" "What's Cabala?" "About $1.75." "Honestly, I have no idea." "." "I'm just a slave to trends" "What the hell?" "Oh, my God!" "We came out of hyperspace into an asteroid field." "(ELECTRONIC EXPLOSIONS)" "Alderaan's been destroyed by the Empire." "Maybe we should head for that small moon, that's clearly a small moon, and not anything else." "That's no moon." "It's a space station." "Oh, crap." "They've got us in a tractor beam." "Well, they're not going to get me without a fight." "You can't win." "But there are alternatives to fighting." "Like what?" "Like getting the hell out of here!" "No, just kidding." "?" "Can you imagine if I was like that" "(LASERS FIRING)" "(BODIES THUDDING)" "PETER:" "All right, just follow my lea d and act real cool." "(MINNIE THE MOOCHER PLAYING)" "All right, I'm gonna go knock out that tractor beam." "And we'll go rescue the princess." "You know, Luke, this may be the last time we see each other." "So there's something I want you to know." "?" "Now I've had the time of my life" "?" "And I owe it all to you" "?" "I've been waiting for so long" "?" "Now I've finally found someone" "?" "To stand by me" "?" "So we take each other's hand" "?" "'Cause we seem to understand the urgency" "?" "Just remember" "?" "You're the one thing" "?" "I can't get enough of" "?" "So I'll tell you something" "?" "This could be love because" "?" "I've had the time of my life" "?" "No, I never felt this way before" "?" "Yes, I swear it's the truth" "?" "?" "And I owe it all to you ?" "(SQUEAKING)" "(GROWLS)" "Holy shit!" "You ain't never gonna believe what I just seen." "Tyra Banks?" "See, now you say something better, so my thing don't sound cool no more." "Oh!" "Come on, what did you see?" "I don't remember." "I just was thinking about Tyra Banks." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Can you imagine?" "Every night!" "Don't shake my hand." "You ain't got no hand!" "You a little truck." "BRIAN:" "So, what are we on, the first floor?" "CHRIS:" "We are on the second floor." "PETER:" "No, no, no, here's the Banana Republic, and we just passed that." "It's right back there." "We parked on the Macy's side, so now we must be over here by the JCPenney." "CHRIS:" "It looks like the first floor is mostly men's stuff, and there's a Lady Foot Locker right over there." "BRIAN:" "All right, so we're on the third floor." "All right, let's get in the elevator." "And hurry up, 'cause the smell of that Mrs. Fields is killing me." "(THE IMPERIAL MARCH MUZAK PLAYING)" "Wrong floor." "Stormtrooper church." "And do you, Allen, take Judith to be your lawfully wedded wife till death or a giant explosion do you part?" "Where are you taking this thing?" "Prisoner transfer from cell block 1138." "You think you could get me a room by the pool?" "(LAUGHING)" "Is funny, because you are a prisoner and there is no pool because is Death Star." "(MOANS)" "We've gotta find out what cell this princes s of yours is in." "There it is, 2187." "I'm on it!" "Everything's under control here." "Situation normal." "STORM TROOPER:" "What happened?" "We had a slight weapons malfunction, but everything's perfectly all right." "We're fine." "We're all fine here now." "Thank you." "How are you?" "(GROANING) I've been better." "Well, tell me what's up." "Well, I'm in this relationship and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere." "I like her, but we're not really connecting." "How long has it been?" "About 10 months." "And how often do you see each other?" "Couple times a week." "Well, why don't you try seeing each other a little more often, and see if you connect a little more?" "And if not, it may be time to move on." "Thanks for calling." "This is Han Solo and I'm gonna be keeping you company for the next few hours , right here on the midnight shift." "?" "Something's telling m e it might be you" "?" "It's telling me it might be you ?" "Aren't you a little fa t to be a Stormtrooper?" "Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch." "Wait, who are you?" "I'm Luke Skywalker." "Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you." "Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi?" "Yeah!" "Suddenly, I'm not so fat, huh?" "Come on, into the garbage chute." "She's right!" "Come on, Chewbacca." "What, are you kidding?" "It's probably full of disease." "I'm not jumping in there." "Not even if I throw this pig's ear?" "Oh, come on, that's not fair." "Go get it!" "(BARKING)" "Oh, boy!" "Great idea, Princess, diving into a pile of garbage." "Hey, when we get out of here, maybe you can show me around your home planet of Alderaan." "Aww..." "Too soon?" "Hey, it could be worse." "(MECHANICAL ECHOING)" "It's worse." "The walls are closing." "(ALL SCREAMING)" "LOIS:" "Oh, my God!" "Listen to them, R2, they're dying!" "What do we do?" "Only one thing to do, man." "You still got that bag I gave you?" "Man, I wish I could listen to some" "Tatooine, Wind  Fire right now." "Hmm." "So, you think the Empire's gonna fall, man?" "(STUTTERING) I don't know, man." "How you doing right now?" "Good." "Why?" "I think I may be having sort of a mini freak-out here." "Oh." "Just tell me I don't have to stay in this room." "What?" "Just tell me, right now, that I don't have to stay in this room." "You don't have to stay in this room." "Oh, thank Christ!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "." "Thank God!" "We're saved" "Look at this." "Who throws out half a pizza?" "." "And look at this couch" "Somebody threw out a whole couch and it's in great shape." "Yeah, you put a little Febreze on that, scrub it out a little bit, it would look grea t in your apartment." "You know what?" "I know we have a dangerous job to do here, but I'm taking this." "I'm taking this couch." "PETER:" "All right, ready?" "All right, one, two, three." "Okay!" "Easy, easy, easy..." "Easy, easy..." "Wait!" "Wait, wait..." "Stop!" "Stop, stop..." "What?" "What, what?" "No, no, no." "Twist it." "I am." "No, no, no." "The other way." "Which way?" "You're twisting the wrong way." "What do you want me to do?" "Just look down, look at me, look what I'm doing." "All right, see the way I'm twisting it?" "Yeah." "Right, turn it that way from your end." "Okay." "No, no, no." "Just put it down, just drop it." "Yeah, yeah, okay." "All right, all right." "All right, let's..." "Just hang on and figure this out." "Han, there are Stormtroopers all over the place." "Shouldn't we be getting out of here?" "." "All right, okay, all right, I got it, I know.." "." "Here's what we're gonna do" "We're going to take the cushions off, unscrew the legs, take the mattress out, and this whole thing is going to be a lot simpler." "It's easier than we're making it." "(POWER DRAINING)" "Hey, did you hear something?" "Probably just another drill." "You know that last drill we had?" "I was about to finally bone my girlfriend, and then we heard that there was this drill and she told me there was no way." "STEWIE:" "So, Obi-Wan, we meet again." "What part of, "Stay 50 yards away" ""at all times," don't you understand?" "Uh-oh!" "Your powers are weak, old man." "!" "CHRIS:" "Obi-Wan" "Boy, you got here just in time." "No!" "Right!" "Go!" "Go, go, go." "All right, twist it counter-clockwise." "I am twisting it, you're twisting it the other way." "I mean counter-clockwise from where I'm standing..." "So then you..." "So clockwise." "So, yeah!" "Okay, all right." "Yeah, so you twist it clockwise." "Okay." "Go!" "You know what?" "Put it down." "Put it down for a sec." "My fingers are killing me." "." "Han, they're shooting at us" "All right, you know what?" "Lift it up tall-ways." "For Christ's..." "It's wedged." "It's wedged." "All right, okay." "You know what?" "It's not going anywhere." "Let's just take off, we'll deal with it later." "You get in the cockpit, and I'll just..." "I'll hang onto this thing as we go." "Easy!" "I can't believe he's gone." "I know, Luke, but it's true, he's gone." "I mean, you saw him get beheaded." "Nobody lives through that." "Not for long anyway." "I mean, sometimes the brain is still active for a few minutes after the beheading, but to be honest, I can't imagine a worse kind of hell." "And unfortunately, hell is probably where he'll end up, because the Christians don't look too kindly on the whole Force thing." "Come on, kid, we're not out of the woods yet." "Here they come." "(HUMMING STAR WARS BATTLE THEME)" "Hey, Han!" "What?" "Why do they call them TIE fighters?" "No idea." "(SPEAKING THAI)" "They're coming too fast!" "A nickel for every time I've had that problem." "Just keep shooting, Luke." "Yeah!" "That's how we do it in my neighborhood, bitch!" "I got him!" "I got him!" "Right, kid." "Don't get penisy." "I just want to tell you both, good luck!" "We're all counting on you." "(EXHALES)" "Mom?" "Yeah, we won." "Yeah, we won the battle." "Yeah, I'm calling, like you asked." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay, but I gotta go." "I got other stuff to do." "." "Okay." "Okay, but I gotta go." "Okay" "Okay." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes, Mom." "I love you, too, Mom." "Okay." "All right." "Goodbye." "(EXHALES)" "The Homing Beacon is safely on board theMillennium Falcon." "I'm taking an awful risk, Vader." "It'd better work." "You know, I think they took your old couch." "What?" "I threw that away." "Yeah, it was weird." "I just killed Obi-Wan, and then I look over and there are these two dudes scurrying across with a couch." "It had a stain on it, from when we had Hawaiian Punch night." "Yeah, that's my couch." "Rebel scum." ") (IMITATES LASER FIRING" "Gotcha!" "Thanks to the information in this R2 unit provided by Princess Leia, we should be able to mount a successful offensive on the Death Star." "But first, please take a moment to watch this instructional video." "Nothing but net." "Hi!" "I'm Magic Johnson with a few tips on blowing up the Death Star." "First off, never forget your objective." "There are gonna be so many folks coming at you to slow you down, you might feel like you go t a bull's-eye on your head." "No, but they will be trying to kill you." "Also, don't forget you have teammates out there watching your back." "Unless you've been messing around with their wife or girlfriend." "No, but they will be there to help you." "Lastly, you wanna make sur e you step back and take cover after you sink that bucket." "'Cause that sky gonna light up like the Fourth of July." "No, but there will be a large explosion." "Any questions?" "." "Yeah, I got a question" "Does Barry Manilow kno w you raid his wardrobe?" "You'll get the answer to that question next Saturday." "(SCOFFS)" "Don't mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns." "Biggs?" "Jesus!" "What the hell happened to you?" "Oh!" "Hey, Luke." "I was under a Y-wing working on the space engine," ". and the whole thin g just dropped on me" "Holy crap!" "Yeah." "Holy crap." "?" "So, you here for the Death Star assault" "Yeah, yeah, I can't wait." "How about you?" "Well, no, I can't really..." "Oh, yeah, because of that..." "The chair." "Chair, yeah." "Yeah, so I'll just be here making sandwiches for when you guys get back." "Oh..." "Well, that's cool." "Yeah." "You want anything special?" "What?" "You mean like a sandwich?" "Yeah." "Oh, no, I mean, I couldn't..." "You know, whatever you make will be fine." "Hey, Biggs." "Yeah?" "You're just as big a part of this as..." "I mean, you're doing stuff, and I think that's great!" "Well, kid, I guess this is goodbye." "So, you got your rewar d and you're leaving?" "Is that it?" "When you say it that way, I sound like a douche, but, yeah, that's what I'm doing." "What did you get for a reward, anyway?" "Let's see." "I got 10% off a Netflix membership, some nice Cracker Barrel Cheddar, assorted lotions, and a little plastic champagne bottle full of jelly beans, and a little bear." "See?" "Little bear." ""Hey, Luke, we had fun on the Death Star."" "." "Well, take care of yourself, Han" "I guess that's what you're best at." "Oh, look!" "A light saber cheese knife!" "Yuck!" "All wings, check in." "Red Three standing by." "Red Six standing by." "Red Five standing by." "Red Buttons standing by." "Redd Foxx standing by." "Big Red standing by." "SEAN CONNERY:" "Red Octoberstanding by." "Helen Reddy standing by." "Simply Red standing by." "I'm going in." "Cover me, Porkins." "Having a little trouble here." "Careful, Redd Foxx!" "There's one right on your tail." "I'm coming, Elizabeth!" "HERBERT:" "Use the Force, Luke." "Obi-Wan?" "Yeah, it's me." "Use the Force." "Force that thing in there, just like I showed you with those puppets." "But don't tell nobody 'cause you'll get in trouble." "Clark, I don't like the look of this neighborhood." "Come on, Ellen , it's important for the kids to witness the plight of the Rebellion." "Kids, you noticing all this plight?" "Roll 'em up!" "The Force is strong with this one." "(YELLING)" "Fuck you, you son of a bitch!" "What am I, R2Pac?" "COMPUTER:" "The Death Star is getting closer." "And Leia's getting larger." "I have you now, young Skywalker." "And with today's gas prices, not a minute too soon." "What the deuce?" "(WHOOPING)" "Look at us." "Look at how much more" ". comfortable we are now shooting stuff" "Whew!" "HERBERT:" "Luke, the Force will be with you always." "And so will I, always." "Of course when you get older and get some crow's feet, I might lose interest." "(CROWD CHEERING)" "You did it!" "Yay!" "Hooray!" "I have your sandwich." "Yay!" "My what?" "Oh!" "Thank you, Biggs." "Yay!" "I'm part of things, too." "Yay!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "The end." "(ALL CHEERING)" "." "Wow, Dad, thanks for keeping us entertained" "." "That was a great story" "Yeah, but didn't Robot Chickenalready do this three months ago?" "I wouldn't worry about it, Chris." "I don't think people are even aware of that show's existence." "Well, I don't know, Dad." "I think a decent number of people watch it." "Oh, really?" "Define "decent."" "I think it's the highest rated show on Cartoon Network, and the Star Warsepisode doubled that audience." "Well, yeah, but double 10 people is, like, 20 people, so what kind of numbers are we talking about here, you know?" ", Don't be glib about this stuff, Dad." "It's a legitimate show and they beat you to the punch." "I don't know about that, Chris." "I mean, to me, a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC, you know, one of the real networks." "I don't know about that, Dad." "And besides, what's up with that 15 minute runtime?" "What is that?" "That's like 15 minutes of guys playing with Star Warsdolls." "Oh, yay, tune me in to that." "Oh, so you do know the show!" "I read part of a review online." "I am not a fan." "!" "You know, Dad, you're a real jerk" "(HUMMING STAR WARSTHEME)"