"Visit Mike Vernon Motors at 13631 Valley Boulevard." "That's 13631 Valley Boulevard in Garden Grove." "And now, for our report from the freeways, to Don Edwards and KBMJ's eye in the sky." "Come in, Don." "Thanks, Dick, things seem to be pretty normal on our Southland freeways, which is to say they're just about filled to capacity at this hour of the morning." "There's a report of a stalled vehicle in the number two lane of the inbound San Diego Freeway just south of Mulholland." "And we also have a report of an accident approximately half a mile west of the 605 junction of the Santa Ana Freeway." "Both vehicles are now up on the center divider." "Traffic is still slow and go in that area." "Traffic is also heavily congested on the westbound Ventura Freeway from Woodman to Balboa due to construction." "And we understand this condition will last until 3:00 this afternoon." "Don Edwards in Airwatch 3." "Back to you." "Thanks, Don." "The weather for today, as promised, is a carbon copy of yesterday's, low overcast this morning, clearing by 11:00." "The National Weather Bureau says the high today will be about 74, low tonight in the high 50s." "At the beaches, temperatures will stay in the pleasant 70s." "Water temperature in the 60s." "The APCD predicts light to moderate eye irritation, as if you hadn't already noticed." "I have." "And you know something?" "You know how much your dog likes meat?" "Well, make sure that's what he's getting..." "Grocery card double discount value" "I mention each week, is not one of a kind." "It's only one of hundreds of double discounts always available at Grocery Cart." "The Giant 49..." "At the first sign of any hemorrhoidal discomfort treatment should begin at once." "Remarkably successful results have been obtained with a doctor-proven..." "Five to three." "St. Louis, 6, the Giants, 4." "Milwaukee defeated the Royals, 4 to 3." "Texas edged the Yankees, 5 to 4." "Pittsburgh and the Padres rained out." "The Dodgers and Angels were both idle." "In golf, Dave Brewer has a one-stroke lead after the first round of the Toronto Classic." "He shot a 5-under-par 67 with Lee Trevino one stroke back at 68." "Three others tied four strokes off the pace at 71." "Say, does your car need a new muffler or new shock absorbers?" "You know about these census forms ...that the Census Bureau has sent out to us all to fill in, right?" "That will be the basis of this..." "Census District Office." "I would like some information." "I'm filling out my census form right now and I have an awful problem." "And I was wondering, can somebody help me?" "Go ahead." "Thanks." "Oh, you're gonna answer my question?" " Yes." " Oh, good." "First of all, I just wanted to say, uh," "I don't mind being counted as an American." "I'm one of the silent majority." "But I wish you had made some of those questions multiple choice." "Now, the question was, um, are you the head of the family?" "Well, quite frankly, the day I married that woman that, unfortunately, I've been married to for the last 25 years..." "Oh!" "Well, it's true." "Well, I lost the position as head of the family." "You see, what I do..." "I stay home." "I hate working." "I hate going out and seeing people and getting involved in the rat race and things like that." "So she works and I do the housework and take care of the babies and things like that." "And so, I was wondering, you wanted honest answers." "Now, what I did, I penciled in all of the marks that you wanted marks in these circles here that I see in front of me." "I penciled it in first, but I said," ""No, that's being dishonest." ""I'm really not the head of the family," ""and yet I'm the man of the family."" "Although there are people in the neighborhood who would question that." "But nevertheless, I was wondering, how should I answer that question?" "Well, if you don't consider yourself head of the household, and you think that your wife occupies that position," "I would suggest you put your wife's name there." "Yes, but that's so embarrassing." "What will you people think when I send it?" "Nobody is even going to know." "Are you sure?" "I'm positive." "No one will know about that." "We won't know you from Adam's house cat." "I know." "But there are people in my neighborhood..." "They will never see that form." "Are you sure?" "No one in your neighborhood will ever find out." "I don't want people to know about that." "Quite frankly, I've lived like this for 15 years, and I admit, I wear a house dress." "It's so much easier to pick up stuff in a house dress, and, you know, slippers." "And, quite frankly, I've adopted most..." "Talk about pollution." "...of the average housewife, and I'd hate for anybody to know that." "Anyway, it's very embarrassing, so would you..." "All information that you include on that form is confidential." "...800, 000 others." "So it would be all right?" "I wanna be honest with you." "I'm really not the head of the family." "She doesn't know I'm calling." "That woman just drives me up the wall and over the other side." "I like doing this just to get even with her." "You know how women are before you marry them." "They're so nice." "And suddenly they become so aggressive." "I mean, she became so aggressive afterward." "Just took over everything." "I mean..." "Oh, no." "I'm afraid of her, you see." "I've been wanting to divorce her." "The first six months of marriage, I knew I made a mistake." "But no, I got ahold of this first, before she did." "I thought, "Well, I'll answer it."" "But I wanted to be honest about it, and I'm a man of conscience, so I wanted to make sure, if I put down I'm the head of the family, nobody would know the difference, right?" "No." "I'll put it down..." "I really like you." "Are you married?" "Hey!" "When you get married, don't be like that whippo that I married." "Would you?" "I'll try my best not to be." "All right." "Thank you so much." "It's nice talking to you." "You're welcome." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "This is Mr. Whittington." "You were talking to a Mr..." "Oh, Valenti, the man who blows bicycle pump on the Ted Mack Original Amateur Hour." "Yes." "Yes, well, uh, I've been trying to get in touch with Mr. Mack myself." "Because, well, I've tried to..." "Huh." "Well, I play music on something unusual myself." "Of course, we're always looking for original amateur talent." "Mr. Valenti is unusual for the fact that he not only blows Oh, Johnny on the bicycle pump, but also does nail file on a high, flat table, and also plays the vacuum cleaner nozzle" "It's a Great Day for the Irish." " You say you do something unusual?" " Yes." "Well, what do you do, may I ask?" "I play meat." " You what?" " I play meat." "You play meat?" "Yes, meat." "You know, beef and pork." "That's sick, man." "M-E-A-T, meat?" "Yes." "It may sound a little strange." "Yeah." "I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I've never heard of anybody who plays meat." "A lot of people think it's strange." "Yes, I can understand that." "No offense." "Are you serious about this?" "Yes." "Yes." "I've worked here as an assistant butcher and I've found in a cold storage locker..." "Yes, sir." "Whatever you want, I got it." "What do you want?" "Fill it with ethyl." "If Ethel don't mind." "Want me to check under the hood for you?" "Uh, please." "Yes." "Looks like you could use a new radiator hose." "Where have I heard that before?" "I'll get one later, thanks." "You're the boss." "Not in my house, I'm not." " Attendant?" " Yes, sir?" "You got change for the telephone?" "Yes, sir." "I'll get you the rest later?" "Be with you in a minute." "Operator." "Operator, I'd like to call 659-0716, collect." "Uh, Dave Mann." "The number here is 238-2098." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "Honey?" "It's me." "What's the matter?" "Did you have an accident?" "No, it's nothing like that." "Well, what happened?" "Well, nothing happened." "I just, uh..." "Well, I just wanted to, uh, apologize." "You don't have to apologize." "I know I don't have to." "I wanted to." "When I left the house this morning, you were asleep, so I just wanted to call you up and tell you that, uh," "I, uh..." "I'm sorry about last night." "Oh, I really don't want to talk about it." "Well..." "Don't you think maybe we ought to?" "No, because if we talk about it, we'll just get into a fight, and you wouldn't want that, would you?" "Of course not." "What is that supposed to mean?" "Oh, never mind." "Uh, just a minute." "I know what it's supposed to mean." "It means that you think that I should go out and call Steve Henderson up and challenge him to a fistfight or something." "No, of course not." "But, honey, I think you could have at least said something to the man last night." "I mean, after all, he was practically trying to rape me in front of the whole party." "Oh, come on, honey." "Just forget it." "You gonna be home by 6:30?" "If Forbes lets me go in time." "Is it that important that you see him?" "He's leaving for Hawaii in the morning." "The way he's been griping to the front office, if I don't reach him today," "I could lose the account." "You said there would be no problem about getting home on time." "There probably won't be." "It's your mother." "God knows she's not coming to see me." "Honey, I said there probably won't be a problem." "Well, just be on time, okay?" "All right." "Okay, I'll be there." "Here's your card, sir." "Be with you in a second." "You save them stamps?" "No, thanks." "Good enough." "Come back, now." "Will do." "I gave you the road." "Why don't you take it?" "Why don't you go?" "Oh, boy, you're beautiful." "I don't believe it." "I don't believe it." "I'm in no mood to play games." "Let's go." "Well, it's about time, Charlie!" "My God." "Jesus." "Come on, you miserable fathead." "Get that fat-ass truck out of my way." "Well, I'm never going to make that appointment now." "You miserable..." "Okay." "Okay." "You want to play games." "You all right, mister?" "Yeah." "Yeah, except..." "Oh, my neck." "You got a whiplash, probably." "Yeah." "It's all right." "He's all right." "What happened?" "That truck driver tried to kill me." "Kill you?" "Go on." "He chased me down the mountain at nearly 90 miles an hour." "I don't know what else you'd call it." "Tried to kill you." " It sure looks like you got whiplash." " Oh, it's..." "You got the whiplash, all right." "That's okay." "Thank..." "It's okay." "Anything I can do for you?" "No, nothing." "Thank you." "No." "That's okay." "Okay." "Just a little whiplash is all." "What happened out there, mister?" "Can I use your men's room, please?" "Yeah." "Through the door, on the right, down the hall, turn left, second door." "Well, you never know." "You just never know." "You just go along figuring some things don't change, ever, right?" "Like being able to drive on a public highway without somebody trying to murder you." "And then one stupid thing happens." "Twenty, twenty-five minutes out of your whole life, and all the ropes that kept you hanging in there get cut loose." "And it's like, there you are, right back in the jungle again." "All right, boy, it was a nightmare, but it's over now." "It's all over." "Are you all right?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "What happened out there?" "Oh, just a slight complication." "Oh?" "Looked like a big complication to me." "Well, ready to order now?" "Ahem." "Yes." "Yes, thank you." "Um..." "Oh, I think I'll..." "Just give me, um..." "Um..." "Why don't you just give me a cheese sandwich," "Swiss cheese on rye?" "R-Y-E." "Swiss cheese on rye." "All right." "And could I have another glass of water, please?" "Oh, sure." "Another glass of water." " Oh, uh, miss?" " Yes?" "Do you have an aspirin?" "Aw, your head aches." "Sure, I'll get you some aspirin." "I don't know, all I did was pass this stupid rig a couple of times, and he goes flying off the deep end." "He has to be crazy." "Okay, so he's crazy." "What can I do about it?" "Find him a psychiatrist?" "Oh, boy." "Now wait a minute." "Now wait just a minute." "All right, now, think." "Okay, he's in here." "Well, that doesn't mean he intends to continue his attack." "It is lunchtime, and Chuck's Cafe may be the only place to eat for miles around." "Yeah." "He probably eats here all the time." "He was just moving too fast before, and he had to slow down, turn around, that's all." "That's all." "Why didn't I leave right away when I saw his truck outside?" "Then I'd know what he intends to do." "What if he followed me out, though, started after me again?" "I'd be right back where I started." "Even if I got a lead, he'd overtake me soon enough." "He's got some souped-up diesel." "My car is just not that powerful." "I just can't drive 80 and 90 miles an hour." "As soon as I stop concentrating," "I'd go back to 60 or 70 like I always do." "It's a habit." "I can't help it." "I..." "Take it easy." "Just take it easy." "Maybe I..." "Maybe I should try some kind of contact." "Well, I'd better do something." "Look, mister, I'm sorry if I irritated you." "Why don't I buy you a beer and get this thing straightened out, huh?" "No." "Look, mister, I'm sorry if I irritated you, but let me, uh..." "There you are." "Anything else?" "No, thank you." "Uh..." "I'd like some ketchup." "What if I called the local police?" "But then I'd have to stay here, lose more time." "What if he stayed, too?" "Actually talked to the police himself?" "Naturally, he'd deny everything." "I've got no proof." "And I'm sure none of these people would back me up." "The cops will probably..." "Okay, so now what?" "Look, uh..." "I want you to cut it out." "What?" "Just cut it out, okay?" "Cut what out?" "Now, come on." "I mean..." "Please, I..." "Let's not play games." "What the hell are you talking about?" "I can call the police." " The police?" " You think that I won't?" "You're wrong, mister." "If you think that you can take that truck of yours and just use it as a murder weapon, just killing people on the highway, well, you're wrong." "You've got another thing coming." "Man, you need help." "Don't you tell me I need help." "Hey!" "Hey, come on!" "Who the hell do you think you are, knocking my sandwich out of my hand?" "Come on, now." "You wanna fight, get on outside." "I don't wanna fight." "I wanna knock his head off." "You already hit him twice." "What more do you want, huh?" "Come on now." "Look at him." "He's sick." "Can't you see?" "He ain't gonna fight no one." "That creep comes around, knocks my sandwich out of my hand." "All right, all right." "I'll buy you another sandwich." "I'll buy you another sandwich." " Come on, forget it." " No, forget it." "Forget it." "I don't wanna stay around here anyway." "Let me buy you a beer then, huh?" "I'll buy you a beer." "Why don't you get out of here, huh?" "Yeah?" "Mister, I'm sorry to bother you, but I could use a little help." "What kind of help?" "Well, I could use a push." "Damn thing overheated on me, and I stopped to let it cool off." "Now I can't get her started again." "Why didn't you flag down that truck?" "What truck?" "The one that just went by here a couple of minutes ago." "Guess I didn't notice." "I must have been inside trying to get that piece of junk shaking." " Would you get off the car?" " How about it?" "I don't know." "Looks like I'd go right underneath the bumper." "No." "Hey, get off the car." "You're gonna get hurt there." "Nah, you're all right." "Rodney, get down from there." "That goes for you too, Shawn." "All right." "Come on, everybody!" "Back on the bus!" "Wait a minute!" "Wait, I..." "Well, we'll see." "Come on." "Come on." "Push!" "Push!" "Push!" "Push!" "Push!" "Push!" "Push!" "Push!" "Push!" "Push!" "He can't do it!" "You can't do it!" "You can't do it!" "You can't do it!" "You can't do it!" "Mr. Pfeiffer, that guy's stuck, too." "Shit." "Sorry, mister." "I could have swore we were okay." "Yeah, well, I told you we were gonna get hung up." "How about I give you a hand?" "Don't sit on the hood." "That hood will dent." "I told the kids not to get on the hood." "Just see if you can bounce it loose, and I'll, uh, uh..." "Just bounce it loose." "Hold it!" "Something wrong?" "That bastard turned around and came back." "Is that the truck you were asking about?" "Uh..." "Get those kids out of the way." "What for?" "Just get them off the road and they'll be okay." "They're all right." "They're not on the road." "Hey!" "Get back in the bus." "Please." "Please." "Come on." "Come on." "Back in the bus!" "You're all right, right where you are." "As long as you stay off the road, you're okay." "Come on!" "You're perfectly all right." "Just keep off the road." "Let's get back in the bus, come on." "Get off of the highway." "There's a truck coming." "You must be out of your brains!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Come on!" "Please!" "Take your hands off..." " Come on." "Get back in the bus!" " Get your hands off him!" "Now look, I know how this must sound, but that man is crazy." "He's been trying to kill me." "I mean it." "Well, I tell you, if I had to vote on who's crazy around here, it'd be you." "Uh, um..." "When I bust them loose, pull it back." "Now!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey, stop!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Oh, boy." "Hi." "Help you, mister?" "You got a telephone?" "Out in the back." "This way?" "Something for your car?" "Uh..." "Well, you can put what ethyl you can get in the tank." "All righty." "Would you mind checking those radiator hoses?" "I'll do that." "Take a look at my snakes if you have time." "Weird place for a telephone booth." "Operator." "I'd like to report a truck driver that's been endangering my life." "In that case, I'll have to give you the police, sir." "Right." "Give me the police." "Sir, which department do you want?" "Whichever's closer." "What number are you calling from?" "This number is 9821." " What's your name, sir?" " David Mann." "How do you spell that, please?" "M-A-N-N." "That's two N's." "I'd like to report a truck driver that's been endangering my life." "What's your name again?" "David Mann." "Why'd he do that?" "Why'd he break my cages up?" "Why'd he break my cages up?" " Call the police!" " With what?" "That's the only phone I've got!" "My snakes!" "I've got to find my snakes!" "Oh, my snakes." "My snakes." "The highway's all yours, Jack." "I'm not budging for at least an hour." "Maybe the police will pull you in by then." "Maybe they won't, but at least you'll be far away from me." ""Well, dear, did you have a nice trip?"" ""Ah, no, no." "Just the same old thing."" "Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy." "Well, I won't be seeing Forbes today, that's for sure." "What's the matter, car trouble?" "Well, in a way, yes." "I wonder if you'd do me a favor." "What's that?" "Would you stop at the nearest telephone you come to" " and call the police?" " Police?" "Yeah, you see that truck?" "Mister, we don't want any trouble." "No, there won't be any trouble." "All I'm asking you to do is call the police." "Was there an accident?" "Ma'am, all I'm asking you to do is just make a phone call." "Jim, step on the pedal." "My life's in danger!" " I'm sorry, mister..." " Can't you make a lousy phone call to the lousy police for me?" "Stop it, mister." "You're scaring us." "Or just drop me off at the nearest station." "I'll pay you for it." "Jim!" "Okay, let's see you catch me now." "Here we go." "Can't beat me on the grade." "You can't beat me on the grade!" "Come on." "How can he go so fast?" "Huh?" "The radiator hose." "Oh, no, please!" "No!" "Oh, my God!" "Come on, faster!" "Oh, my God." "Come on!" "Come on." "Please." "Come on." "Come on, car." "Come on, let's go!" "Come on!" "Where's the summit?" "Please." "Please." "Come on!" "Come on!" "There it is." "There it is!" "Faster." "Faster!"