"♪ Two big bags of dead man's bones" "♪ Got their noses to the grindstone" "♪ Livin' in the land of Nod" "♪ Trustin' their fate to the hands of God" "♪ They pass by so silently" "♪ Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee" "Joe Blake and Terry Collins, this is Lieutenant McCormick of the Los Angeles Police Department." "Put down your weapons and come out of the bank with your hands in the air." "One last big heist." "What a great idea!" "Yeah." "Joe knows best." "Yessirree, Joe knows exactly what he's doing." "Exactly what he's doing." "And what does Joe get me?" "Stuck in a bank called the Alamo, surrounded by the entire LA Police Department." "Look." "These guys haven't been prone to violence yet in any of these incidents." "So everybody stay real calm, all right?" "Joe Blake and Terry Collins have finally met their match." "They need more tricks up their sleeve than Siegfried and Roy to get out." "If you just tuned in, we're at the Alamo Savings and Loan." "The place looks like a war zone." "The troops are moving in here, the SWAT team is moving in..." "Lao-tzu says even the softest thing can pass through a horse like invisible water." "Thank you for that completely useless bit of information, Joe." " You know what your problem is?" " Yeah, I'm trapped like a rat, destined for an early grave." "Kate Wheeler." "You remember Kate." "Traitor." "Liar." "Queen of double cross." " Empress of deceit." " Hey." "OK, I get your point, all right?" "Oh, do you, Joe?" "Do you really?" "Because, as I recall, I remember warning you in the strongest language possible that taking on a hostage was an error of epic proportions." " We had no choice, OK?" " Yes, we did!" " Shoot her and bury her in the woods." " Hey!" "You brought her in." "I recall that!" "If we'd have let her go, she'd have gone to the cops." "Joe, look outside." "She did." "That's exactly what she did." "Kate Wheeler's gonna get the thanks of a grateful nation." "Not to mention a sizeable reward." "(SWAT commander) We've got shots fired in the location." "(director) Mark." "Good evening, I'm Darren Head." "Tonight we have an incredible story for you." "A story that's part soap opera, part crime drama." "A story of betrayal and greed." "It's part Bonnie and Clyde, it's part Barnum and Bailey." "It's the story of Joe Blake and Terry Collins, the most successful bank robbers in the history of the United States." "Before the shoot-out that took their lives," "I had the opportunity to interview these men when they broke into my house and, by gunpoint, made me tell their story from their point of view." "I bring this up because the footage you're about to see was shot on a home video camera by my personal assistant Giulio, so it's a little shaky - not exactly professional." "What happened in the exchange is Blake and Collins revealed for the first time the inside story of the daring robberies that made them so famous." "24 hours later, Blake and Collins were dead." "We have an exclusive..." "OK, again." "24 hours later, Blake and Collins were dead." "So tonight, on a very special edition of Criminals at Large, the inside story, the true story, of the "Sleepover Bandits"." "And fade to black." "That was great, guys." "We're gonna keep that one." "All right." "OREGON STATE PRISON" "It's ridiculous." "If it's not one thing, it's another." "If it's not downright apathy, it's meanness." "No support from anybody." "Nobody else has to eat this crap like I do." "Hey, Joe." "Joe!" "May I have a word with you, please?" "Joe?" "It's a violation of my civil rights, that's what it is." "Cruel and unusual punishment expressly forbidden by the Constitution, you hear?" "Prison is supposed to be cruel and unusual, Terry." "That's the whole idea." "That's not what I'm talking about." " What are you talking about?" " Garlic." "Warden Kerner has banned the sale of garlic because he doesn't like the smell." "You see, Joe, it's like a..." "It's a miracle drug." "High blood pressure, and arthritis and cancer." "Emphysema." "Allergies." "Anything." " Garlic is the first line of defence." "Always." " Hold on, Mario." "You hear what I'm saying?" "And I've got symptoms." "I don't care what that doctor says." "Maybe now is not a good time to talk about garlic." "Hey, Joe." "You know, don't worry about it." "Once you come out of the ring, don't do what I think you're gonna do." "You remember what I told you, right, Joe?" "Don't do the..." "You chipped my tooth, Mario." "Joe." "For God's sake." "Joe!" "Joe!" "Joe, wait, wait, wait, wait!" "Joe!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "Joe!" "Joe!" "Anger management!" "Anger mana..." "Joe!" "Joe!" "Joe!" "Joe!" "Anger management!" "Joe!" "Calm down." "Breathe." "You ever read the Tao?" "I'm sorry"" "You know, the guy, Lao, Lay-oh, Loh-ee, Loo..." " Lao-tzu." " There you go." "Lao-tzu." "Joe, I've begged you to stay out of the library." "You begged me to work on my anger management." "Yeah, well, medication's quicker." "It's much more effective." " You know what?" " What?" "I would like to sleep in a comfortable bed tonight." "I'd like to have me a cheeseburger," "French fries, big old chocolate milkshake for dinner." " Ancient Chinese wisdom?" " No, just hungry." " I definitely chipped my tooth." " Argh!" "For the love of God, does no one else hear that infernal ringing?" "(derisive laughter')" "Oh, yeah, sure, go ahead and laugh." "But, according to the latest research, tinnitus - which is what they call it, that's what I've got in my ear," "I don't make this shit up - is an actual disease, no matter what the doctor says." "Go ahead and laugh." "Play basketball." "Have fun." "In the meantime, I've got goddamn Quasimodo goin' off in my head!" "Bell tower." "You understand me?" "I got a bell tower in my head!" " Hey, you the driver of this thing?" " Yeah." " Pretty easy to drive, is it?" " Pretty easy, uh-huh." "Joe?" "Oh, my God." "Joe, what are you doin' in a cement truck?" "Joe?" "Joe!" "Joe!" "What am I doin'?" "What am I doin'?" "(honking)" "Why are we in the concrete thing getting shot at?" "Just keep your head down!" "God!" "Agh!" "Back gate down!" "Joe, you..." "There's a truck!" "Agh!" "(prisoners chanting) Go, Joe!" "Go, Joe!" " How long have you been planning this?" " It just sorta came up." "Hang on to somethin'." "Deer!" "They're plastic." "Don't you think we should be looking for a road?" " Joe?" " Stop." "Stop, please." " Ma'am." " Uh-huh?" "We're gonna need to borrow your car." "Would you just unbuckle your seat belt?" "Come on." "There you go." "Very nice." "Thank you." "That is a really lovely dress." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Come on." " Thank you." " Get in the car!" "OK." " Ma'am?" " Yes?" " Don't forget your purse." " Thank you." "(Terry) First things first." "We need..." "What do we need?" "We need clothes, money." "A place to hide." "And we better get a new car quick." "I don't feel good about driving down Main Street wearing clothes that say "inmate"." " And why are we stopping here?" " This is where they keep the cash." " Cash?" " Hey!" "(honking)" "What cash?" " Didn't you say we needed money?" " Yeah, but not right now." "Joe, let's discuss this." "I know money's on the list, but it's not at the top of the list." " Bingo." " Bingo what?" "What d'you mean "Bingo"?" "Are you gonna knock over a bank with a Magic Marker?" "You gonna write on 'em?" "We don't even have a plan." "You have to have some kind of plan to rob a bank." "We're wearing matching uniforms that say "inmate"." "Unless these people are blind, I don't think this is gonna work." "You understand?" "Don't move." "Take out your gun." "Thumb and middle finger on the butt." "Hand it to me slowly." "Here we go, here we go, here we go." "Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be out of your way in a second." "No calls or alarms." "Cash drawers open." "Take a bag, fill it with cash." "Take a bag, fill it with cash." " Ma'am, any cash in the back?" " No." "Don't touch that phone, sir." "Are you sure?" "Are you telling me the truth?" " I am." " You look very honest." " Quickly, please." "Thank you." "Thank you." " He made no plan whatsoever for this." "Here we go." "Put that right in there." "I'll take that, thank you." "I'll take that." "Here we go." "OK." "Thank you very much." "There's just never enough time when you're working." "Thank you for your cooperation." "No phone calls, no alarms." "Here we go." "Go on." "Take this." "Go on." "Sir, in case you need to highlight anything." "Hey, hey, stop, stop!" "Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" " What?" " Sir, we need to borrow your car." "Find a bus, asshole." "Hey, come on, come on." "This car!" "Let's go!" "No, no, this car!" "Get in!" "Go, go, go, go, go, go!" "You got the gun?" "No." "(sirens)" " Get back here, goddammit!" " Hold it!" "Come on, sit up and act regular." "Let go!" "They stole my car!" "Chest pain, left arm a little numb, accelerated heartbeat, spots." "I'm actually seeing spots." " Hang on, hang on, hang on." " Hang on to what?" "Out, out, out, out, out, out!" "(gulps painfully)" "Are you all right?" "May I please go back to prison?" "Not yet." "(I "Kill the Rock" by Mindless Self Indulgence)" "Oh, shit!" "(switches off music)" " What's your name?" " Cheri." "Zip up your pants, Cheri." " You, too." " I'm Phil." "So where's your mom, Cheri?" "My mom doesn't live here any more." " And your dad?" " Oh, he's fishing for the weekend." "So your dad left you here all alone?" "Oh, no." "He thinks I'm at a friend's house." " And how about you, scooter?" " I told my folks I had a soccer trip." " You lied to your parents?" " (laughs) You're kidding, right?" "No, I'm not kidding." "I'm sorry." "Who are you guys?" "Hey, you're inmates." "What did you say your name was?" "Uh, Phil." "You think there's something funny about being an inmate, Phil?" "We're bank robbers, OK?" "So, what's on our mind?" "Paraiso del mar." "Paraiso?" "Paradise." "My uncle owns this little hotel on the water about 100 miles south of Acapulco." " That's Mexico." " Right." "That's where they keep Acapulco." "But I have sanitation issues, Joe." "We'll buy the hotel, tum it into a nightclub and resort." "I could wear a tuxedo, sell margaritas to the tourists." "We could have some fun." "You'd do that?" "I mean, you and me?" "Yeah." " Partners." " Partners." "Tuxedos and margaritas." " Good, right?" " Yeah." "I could run the kitchen." "You could work the room." "It's a high-risk business, but considering the alternatives, that sounds really good." "I just have one question." "How do we pay for it?" "Well, we are bank robbers." " So where is it?" " Below my belt and above my knees." "No, no, you know what I mean." "You are gonna get us killed." "Or maybe I'll save the day and we'll both be rich and famous and on TV." "I think there's a way to do it right." "I'm sure of it." "So where is it?" "In Daddy's closet, behind the golf clubs." "All right, I'll go get it." "What's the biggest problem every time you rob a bank?" " Getting caught." " Exactly." "There's guards to shoot at you, tellers to hit alarms, customers to get in the way." " Right." " Huh?" "You need to control the environment." "No guards, no tellers, no customers." "If you work at night, you still gotta deal with alarms." "But we don't work at night." " When do you do it?" "Holidays?" " No." "We do it with the bank manager, in the morning, with the bank manager's keys and the bank manager's vault codes, because we kidnap him the night before." "Think about it." "We pick a town, we pick a bank." "We find out who's in charge, we spend the night with him, like we are here." "The next morning we all go to work together before anybody else gets there." "And we take the money and run." "Tuxedos and margaritas, Joe, just like you said." "Life'll be like one big sunset." "Wanna see somethin' neat?" " Aim the shotgun at me." " What?" "Aim it at me." " Freeze?" " Pretty good." "But first you gotta pump a shell into the chamber." "Like this." "Neat." " (Joe) The conversation is over." " I feel good in this collar." "I've always liked this kind of collar, but you boned me on the pants, Joe." "It's really not fair." "It's a low blow." "I picked those pants out for me." "I laid 'em out." "I chose 'em." "Well, well!" "Look at you gentlemen." "Are the clothes all right?" " Ooh, aren't we lookin' spiffy in plaid?" " Oh, he likes plaid." " Oh, two sugars, right?" " Thank you." " Cheri, we have to borrow Phil's car." " Hey!" " Oh, that's OK." "He doesn't mind." " The hell I don't!" "It's a new transmission." " (Terry) So where are we headed?" " Rufus." " Where's Rufus?" " It's up the road a little ways." " What's in Rufus?" " (imitates gunshot)" "Pollard." "Harvey Pollard." "What?" "Oh, you feel the need to shoot?" "Well, go ahead and shoot, then." "Oh, you feel the need to shoot?" "Well, go ahead and shoot, then." "Oh, to hell with it." "You feel the n..." "Draw." "Oh!" "(imitates gunshots)" "(Veils)" "Hey!" "Yo!" "Dog!" "Joe!" " Joe?" "(barks)" "Joe. (growls)" " I thought you were still in prison." " No, no, no." "Got out early." "Got out early." "Terry, say hello to my cousin Harvey Pollard." "Glad to know you." "Any friend of Joe's, man." "Was it Harry?" " Terry." " Those are wicked pants." "So what are you doin'?" "Workin'?" "Special effects." "Well, stunt work primarily." "Well, mostly training right now." "Damn squibs won't fire." " We need someone that can handle a car." " I can do that." "Why?" "Banks." "You're foolin' me?" "Well, hell, Joe." "I'm just the man you're lookin' for." "You want a beer?" "Yeah, I'll take a beer." "(bang!" ")" "(two further bangs)" "Timer malfunction." "Draw!" "I'm gonna get a beer." "He's honest." "And he falls real good." "(Harvey) Me, I'm gonna make a name for myself in fire." "I've been practising' with gels, mostly on my hands," " but I need a suit." " Harvey, speaking of the job..." "You ever wonder why a man'd set himself on fire and jump off a 12-storey building?" " Gosh, no, I didn't, Harv." " Women love a man who loves danger." "(Terry) Mmm." "(Darren) You guys were talkin' about the front man." "Will you explain to the people at home what the front man does and who he is?" "Well, Darren, the front man handles pretty much everything except robbing the bank." "He rents the rooms, he gets the supplies, the food that, you know, we would eat." "Uh, he drives the getaway car." "(Terry) Mm-hm." "Right." "Joe and I maintain what you call a low profile." "(Joe) Right." "(Terry) if the front man is never seen in a bank, we're never seen out of one." "And I plotted all the banks that we would rob, from Oregon to California." "Our first bank on the list was the Oregon City Bank." "So the schedules, routines, bank guards, tellers and everything, we got it all down." "But mostly we watched our first hostage." "Darill Miller, the president, didn't know it yet, but he was to spend the night" " with the Sleepover Bandits." " Whoa!" "That sounded good, right? "Spend the night with the Sleepover Bandits."" "(Darren) Yes." "It's very newsworthy." "(Joe) It's his job." "I asked him to get me a good moustache and I get somethin' out of a Cracker Jack box." " (Terry) This is not about the moustache!" " He got you a nice wig." "You look great." "(Terry) The bums are flapping'." "(woman) Hon, can you get the door?" "Everybody, dinner in a half-hour!" " Howdy." " (cocks pistol)" "We're here to rob your goddamn bank." "Now just get in there." "(sobbing)" "It's OK, Mommy." "The important thing here..." "The important thing..." "The important thing is that we spend a quiet night together." "Then tomorrow morning, bright and early, we all go down to the bank together..." "It's really a reasonable proposition, if you think about it." "Sure." " Whatever you say." " That's the spirit." " Don't play with your food, Erika." " But it's too long." "Here." "Next time I want you to try to wrap it around your fork, just like Daddy does." " Cut mine, Mom." " Just a second." " The sauce is too red." " It's not too red." "Yes, it is." "The sauce is too red." "Here." "I can cut it." " Actually, Mrs Miller, this sauce is terrific." " It's really good." " Isn't it?" " I hate it." "Thank you." " What time is the vault set for?" " 7.30." " Tomato-lemon?" " Yes." "Mm-hm." "Lemon zest, oregano, a little cream?" "See, I cook a little." " Keys?" " Two." "I have one." "The... operations officer has the other one." " All right." " There's something I can't identify." "Basil?" " No." " Hm?" " Rosemary?" "Don't tell me." "Don't tell me." " It's not that big of a deal." "It's saffron." "Yes." " Yes, it's saffron!" " Bingo." "I knew it." "I put a little sugar in mine." "It cuts the acidity." "Ss-ss-sugar." " Thank you." "I'll try to remember that." " Little tricks, you know." " Wanna see something cool I can do?" " Sure." "(long belch)" " Monica!" " What?" "We've got guests." "Sort of." "♪ Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee" "♪ They're throwin' knives into the tree..." "You really think you're gonna fool anybody in that get-up?" "You look like Neil Young from that..." "What was that album?" "After the Horses, or...?" "It was After the Gold Rush." "That's not the one." "It's where he's leaning against the tree in the snow." "That's what I was going for." "(Terry) Getting out of the bank is as important as getting in." "The hostages were kept under the strictest possible guard to prevent escape or alarm of any type, you see." "(Joe) See, we had to bring their kids along." "Uh, the Miller children." " Butane?" " Copy." "This is Butane." "All clear and ready to rock'n'roll." "Tum your music down." "I can't hear a word you said." " Clear and ready to rock'n'roll!" " Thank you." "OK, girls." "Stay here." "Everybody should be here in ten minutes." " What's the all-clear?" " What's that?" "Washington, on the inside." " What?" " George Washington." "When it's all clear, he's facing in." "Oh." "Make it all clear, Darill." "♪ They walk among the stately trees" "♪ They know the secrets of the police" "♪ Tweedle Dum said to Tweedle Dee" " Cool." " J' "Your presence is obnoxious to me." "♪ Fee!" "like a baby sittin' on a woman's knee. "" "♪ Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee" "Three more." " Good morning." " Morning, Darill." "Good morning." "Good morning, ladies." " Is this a joke?" " No, ma'am." "This is a bank robbery." "Hurry it up." "It's not a parade." "Come on." "All righty then." "Have a seat with everybody else." "It's not gonna take long." "Monica?" " I have to go to the bathroom." " No more juice boxes, Cloe." "OK?" "If it weren't for the fact that the kids had bladders the size of hummingbirds, it..." "Well, they drank a lot of juice." "One of these days you're gonna get caught." "Aren't you ever scared, afraid?" "Ha!" "When you know danger like we do..." "I know it like an animal, a wild animal." "You know what they called me in jail?" " (Darren) No, I don't." " The Panther." "Thank you for your cooperation." "Please make no attempt to escape because we'll kill you if you do." "When you're a well-oiled machine, you exude danger." "(Darren) Sure." "People fear you, they fear your presence." "The gun really is secondary." " OK!" " Thank you." "♪ They run a brick'n'tile company" "♪ Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee" "Listen." "We go our separate ways." "Two weeks from today we meet in..." " Klamath Falls." " Right." "Take this map." "It's on there." " I wanna go with Joe." " You can't." "They're looking for two men." "That's why we're splitting up, as planned." " What do I do for two weeks?" " Stay out of trouble." "Try that." " What about the minivan?" " You leave it here." " I like the minivan." "It's roomy." " I appreciate that, but as it's a stolen minivan, it's better that you leave it here." " Let's go." " What about my money?" "Here." "We split it three ways." "Nothing fancy." "I'm gonna buy me a fire suit first thing." "I bet I can mail-order one out of LA." " Way to go." "Good job, man." " You too, buddy." "Be careful." "Be careful!" "Stay out of trouble." " What you gonna buy with your shares?" " Paradise." "Two weeks, Klamath Falls." "Be careful!" "Joe Blake and Terry Collins, this is Lieutenant McCormick of the Los Angeles Police Department." "Put down your weapons and come out of the bank with your hands in the air." "(officer) Evacuate the area." "This could be a bad time, but I want to point out I did warn you" " that that woman would be the ruin of us." " Right." "Understood." "But as our future looks rather bleak and miserable," "I suggest we figure out what got us here in the first place." "Which brings us back to that woman." "The most common symptom of vaginitis is an abnormal vaginal discharge often... (fast-forwards tape)" ""probably from an allergic reaction to mites." "(♪ "Holding Out For a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler)" "♪ I need a hero" "♪ I'm holding out for a hero fill the morning light" "♪ He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon" "♪ And he's gotta be larger than life" "♪ Larger than life" "♪ It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet" "♪ Yeah!" "♪ I need a hero" "♪ I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night" "♪ He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast" "♪ And he's gotta be fresh from the fight" "♪ I need a hero" "♪ I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night" "Out of gas." "Shit!" "(music continues)" "What is that smell?" "It's a gratin of Florence fennel and new potatoes." "Clam and sorrel soup with cream and mirepoix." "And stuffed quail." "Kate, I have a dinner tonight." "Clients." "Tonight?" "Oh, well." "It was just for fun." "I'm goin' to the gym." "See ya." " Sweetheart?" " Yeah?" "Why don't you go see a movie?" "(Bonnie Tyler) ♪ ..hold me tight We'll be holding on forever" "♪ And we'll only be making it right" " ♪ Cos we'll never be wrong together - (siren)" "♪ We can take it to the end of the line" "♪ Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time" "♪ I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark" "(sings along) ♪ We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks" "♪ I really need you tonight!" "♪ Forever's gonna start tonight" "♪ Forever's gonna start tonight" "(sings along) ♪ Once upon a time I was falling in love" "♪ But now I'm only falling apart" "♪ There's nothing I can do" "♪ A total eclipse of the heart" "No!" " Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" " Argh!" "Are you all right?" "Are you OK?" "(honking)" "Come on!" "I'm so sorry." "Come on." "Hospital, hospital." "(GPS computer) Cascade Memorial Hospital is located..." " Can you wiggle your toes?" " Voices..." "Wha..." "Little voices..." "Little voices..." "Are those in my...?" "Hey, wait." "Hey, you... you pull... you pull..." " You pull over and get out of the car!" " You don't have to get all huffy about it." " You need to pull the car over." " Hey, wait." "It was an accident." "Listen." "I'll shoot you with this thing." "Oh, go ahead!" "It would be an improvement, believe me." " Listen to me, Miss." " Kate." "Kate." "I'm a desperate man." "Desperate?" "You don't know the meaning of the word." "Desperate is when you wake up and wish you hadn't." "It's knowing that every time you get behind the wheel of a car you're only a tree away from ending the charade your life has become." "So don't talk to me about desperate!" "Listen, on second thought, just let me out right here." " Thank you for the lift." "I'll be fine." " No." "No!" " Why?" " I'm feeling fragile." "I shouldn't be alone." "You're insane!" "(truck horn blares)" "I'm unhappy." "It's not the same thing." "Hey, I'm a fugitive from justice." "I'm a dangerous criminal." " Oh." "Well, that explains the hijacking." " You hit me!" "You can't expect to step in front of a moving car and stop it." " Yes, you can!" "I've seen it done!" " Would you not yell at me?" "Well, can you slow down?" "I'm gonna get outta here." "I'll jump." "That's what I'm gonna do." "How do you unlock this door?" "Push a button." "Unlock this door!" "So, where you headed?" "I'll drop you." "I mean, you're in no shape to drive." "So you're a fugitive." "What did you do wrong?" "Everything." "(GPS computer) Alert." "Your Global Positioning System is rerouting." "(Terry) Where is that coming from?" "What is that?" " Between the second set of trees." " Here?" "He...?" "Look at me!" "I'm on fire!" " (laughs maniacally)" " Just don't ask." " What the hell is this?" " Kate, Paul Bunyan." "Paul, Kate." " Kate?" "!" " I ran out of gas." " And?" " And she hit me." "With her car." "OK." "She hit you with her car." "What the hell did you bring her out here for?" "One:" "I had no choice." "Two:" "I may have suffered a slight concussion." "Three: she's mentally unbalanced to a spectacular degree." " I can hear you." " I tried to escape." "She wouldn't stop." "I almost jumped from a speeding car, Joe." "You hear me?" "I had double vision." "What was I gonna do?" "Your left eye is a fraction darker than your right one." "Nobody ever noticed." "I'm Joe." "I'm Kate." " Oh, what happened to your tooth?" " Right." "Why don't you go on your way?" "Act like you never met us." "Send us a postcard from Crazy Town." "Can I stay here?" "It's just that I don't know where else to go." "It'll only be one night." "Please?" " I'm not sure we can do that." " Absolutely no way." "That's not possible." "Well, I can't go home." "I just..." "I can't." "I could go to the police." "What's to stop me leading them straight to your hideout?" "What are you hiding from, anyway?" "He wouldn't tell me." "He's very, very discreet." " Come here, Joe." "Come here." " What's with the pulling'?" "I wanna talk to you." "That's it." "Jesus, this is a very, very bad idea." "In the history of bad ideas, this is a humdinger." " She's right about the police." " Shoot her!" "Bury her body in the woods!" " What am I, invisible?" " She says she has no place to stay." " That's not our business." " You brought her!" "Well, I needed a ride, OK?" "I mean, there I was sprawled out on the asphalt." "OK?" "You know the hardest thing about being smart?" " No." " I pretty much know what'll happen next." "There's no suspense." "And don't think I didn't see the look in your eye over there, and feelin' her hair." "I'm implementing a 24-hour rule from now on, OK?" "It's in effect." "24 hours. 24 hours, and not a minute longer, Missy!" " Thank you." " "Missy"?" " Hey, I'll cook dinner." " (Terry) I cook the dinners around here." "Sorry." "Not familiar with the outlaw code." "Does that mean I'm a hostage?" " (Harvey) I was in Las Vegas..." " (Terry) I'm not talking to you." "Joe, you know the costs." "Hotel remodelling, real estate." "I've estimated $20,000 for the kitchen alone." "We're talking about restaurant quality." "Not to mention the nightclub." "I've got a crippled cousin who's going in for her seventh operation on her leg." "I got my mother's people up in Ottawa." "Aunts and uncles." "These bills add up!" "(Terry) I'm duly impressed by any and all charitable contributions." "How crippled?" " Did you know you can bet on hurling?" " Hey, hey, excuse me, Harvey." "I'm trying to figure out why my partner, when he wasn't helping improve the Blake family standard of living," " managed to spend $200,000"." " I met a lovely lady from the Netherlands." " Oh, colour me surprised." " She took me to this Octoberfest." "They had a big parade." "She wanted to ride on one of the floats, so I bought her one." "We're drinking these big steins of Holland beer and one thing leads to another, and I'm throwin' $50 bills out to the crowd." "The thing about hurling is that it's like football with sticks." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Please, for God's sake, Pollard." "OK?" "OK." "You meet a girl, you go to a festival." " Octoberfestival!" " Octoberfest." "You throw $50 bills out." " I notice you got a new gold watch." " This is 18 carats." " I don't give a shit how many carats." " 36 grand." "No big deal." "Ever think about asking somebody for the time?" "It's cheaper." "Anything else?" "Yeah." "We stayed a couple of days longer than I thought we would in San Diego." "I had to get her back to the Netherlands, so I chartered a jet to take her home." "Oh, of course you did." " The Netherlands." " Yeah." "Joe." "What?" "Listen." "Let me try to explain something to you." "Paradise doesn't come cheaply, OK?" "Now, I figured this down to the last nickel." "Now - and here's the important part - every nickel that we spend is a nickel that we have to steal." "That's a lot of nickels, Joe." "I don't wanna rob banks for the rest of my life." "The stress level's just too damned high." "Harvey?" "Joe?" "Dinner's almost ready!" "Oh, this is not bad." "It's a little..." "Mm." "It's a little chewy, but..." "You boys ever eat and talk at the same time?" "We used to." "So, um, what sort of work do you do, crime-wise?" "Bank robbery." "Well, they rob banks." "I drive the getaway car." "Harvey?" "That's enough, Harvey." "Wait." "You're not the guys who go to the bank manager's house the night before..." " They do." "I drive the getaway car." " Harvey!" "Oh, my God." "You're the Sleepover Bandits." "Oh, my God." "You're practically famous." "The Sleepover Bandits?" " That's us?" " Don't you watch Criminals at Large?" "You should." "They're watching you." " You're astounding, Harvey." " So, you rob banks." "Well, that's impressive." "Little old ladies' savings accounts and Cub Scout dues and homeless orphan Christmas funds." "Is that what...?" "We never stole a penny from anybody who earned it, lady." "That money's federally insured by the government." "The government steals money from people, and we take it back from them." "Any more questions, Kate?" "Got a spare toothbrush?" "Didn't have time to pack." "God, nobody could be that sick." "Put that down." "May n" " What are you doing here?" " Cleaning my teeth." "Manic-depression, delusion" " I understand all of that." "It's very impressive, but..." "Hey, do you know how many germs are on your finger?" "That defeats the purpose." "Well, if you don't give me a toothbrush, I don't have much option, do I?" "I don't think you're crazy at all, you know that?" "I think you're bored." "I think you're bored with your life, and you're expecting a miracle to drop out of the sky and make everything better, or at least hopeful, because you lost hope a long time ago." "And your marriage sucks." "But I'm sorry, Kate." "We can't help you." "You don't know me." "You only think you do." "You're joking!" " Saw it in a movie." " How does it end?" "With a wedding." "Beavers and ducks!" "(Kate) Suckers!" "I'm not waiting for anything to fall out of the sky!" "I'm not bored." "I'm angry!" "(sighs)" "Maybe he's right that I'm running out of hope." "It's not entirely my fault." "It's just that I picked the wrong life." "Oh!" "(sighs)" "(gobs)" ""The valley spirit is a woman."" ""Use her root at the gateway of heaven and it will never fail."" "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Not a clue." "I'm hoping it means figure out what you want and just take it." "Oh, please." "What, like robbing a bank?" "Like that, yeah." "If only life were that simple." "♪ Like a shadow on me all of the time" "I don't know what to do" "I'm always in the dark" "(Joe recites) We're livin' in a powder keg, givin' off sparks" "♪ Once upon a time I was falling in love" "♪ Now I'm only falling apart" "Nothin' I can do" "Total eclipse of the heart" "Once upon a time there was light in my life" "And now there's only love in the dark" "(Joe) Nothin' I can do" "Total eclipse of the heart" "Oh, my God." "Give me a break." "Tum around, bright eyes" "I can't believe you know that song!" "Yeah." "Bonnie Tyler." ""Total Eclipse of the Heart"." " It's the ultimate sappy chick song." " It's not..." " It's a very sappy chick song." " It's not." "Don't argue." "I've had a hard day." " This is the song all girls hum..." " It is an epic haiku..." " A what?" " It's a haiku to the complexity of love." "It's also pretty embarrassing for guys." "When that song was out, I used to listen to it on the radio..." "I have to admit, I would get a little misty." " Really?" " Yeah." "A little." "And, uh, I would appreciate it if you didn't mention that to anyone." "I..." "I won't tell a soul." "Thanks." "Ugh'!" " It's all right." "I'll get it." " Oh, uh..." "No, no." "Let's just stay under the covers there." "You know what other song jacked me up as a kid?" " The song about the pony. "Wildfire"." " Oh, I love that pony song!" " I love all pony songs." " Is that right?" "Really?" "It's the one that goes ♪ Ride, pony, ride" "That's "Mustang Sally"." "Close." "That's a horse." " Wasn't the pony called Sally?" " Not this pony." "He busted down the stall." "♪ Busted down the stall" "You don't remember that?" "♪ And they called him Wildfire" "Joe?" "Yeah?" "I think I know what I want." "Wait a minute..." "Joe, the 24-hour rule is all that stands between us and chaos." "Are you listening to me?" "We're at a crossroads." "I want you to be clear about my meaning." "I'm changing the 24-hour rule, OK?" "No, you don't understand." "She's a missing person, meaning that someone's looking for her." "You get it?" " I'm changing the 24-hour rule." " Um, may I help you?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "We're here to rob your bank." "What the hell's that?" "It's a disorder that affects your ability to regulate sleep and wakefulness." " I thought he was dead." " That's cataplexy, a secondary symptom." "Sudden loss of voluntary muscle control." "I just have one question." "Why now?" "Well, in Larry's case, emotional stress is the primary igniter." "Do you have a guest bedroom here, ma'am?" "I'm just gonna ask you to step over here in the manager's office." "Go ahead." "(Terry) You never know what's gonna happen during a robbery." "There's always a surprise of some kind, you know, beyond your control." "But the thing is you have to remain calm under pressure and think on your feet." "No." "All I'm sayin', it just seems silly falling' asleep during a bank robbery." "It may appear silly to you, but there's a perfectly reasonable explanation." "Dam it." "I'm sorry." "I'm a little nervous." "It's OK, Larry." "There's nothin' to be nervous about." "You see, my body chemistry is extraordinarily sensitive to suggestion." "Any symptom can be manufactured." "And that, by the way, doesn't mean it isn't real." "Agh!" "Jesus, this stuff is hot." "(thud)" "Go get Mrs Fife." "(Harvey) Sol met this girl and I wanted to impress her, so I said" ""Wanna see me light my hands on fire?" "I bet you never seen anything like that."" "And she said "What about your head?"" " Your head?" " Yeah, my head." "I don't have the gear for that kind of stunt!" "At least not yet." "I said "No way", but she wouldn't listen." "Flaming hands wasn't enough." "She wanted to see me set my head on fire." " So what did you do?" " Singed off half my hair." " Little bit more, sweetheart." "There." " Is he coming around?" " Yes." " Because we need him to come around." " He's comin' around." " We don't have much time." "It's ridiculous." "I'm about to have a nervous breakdown." "Guys, we have a problem." "You got multiple bogeys at nine o'clock." " (bell)" " What the hell is that?" " The drive-up window." "Someone's there." " At eight o'clock in the morning?" "(honking)" " What do we do?" " Nothin'." "Hello." "(honks horn)" "You act too eager, Dottie's never gonna give you a second look." "Women do not respond to need." "(honks horn)" "It's the police." "Good morning." " Where's Dottie?" " Who?" "The drive-up girl." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Dottie." "Of course." "Uh, she's... sick." "Sick with what?" "Vaginitis." "She's been suffering from an abnormal vaginal discharge." "It's a common symptom of viscous fluid, usually associated with, well... vaginitis." "It's usually associated with..." " All clear, bubba." "You all right?" " That was great!" " It's exciting, right?" " Yeah!" " Why a college parking lot?" " Always lots of cars around," " even in the morning." " Leave the Jaguar here." "And no gambling." " I'll see you in Tonopah in two weeks." " All right." "You hear me?" "Ah, he'll get tired of her." "Just takes time." "You'll see." "I don't know." "Kate's a special lady." "Kate is an iceberg waiting for the Titanic." "Has anybody seen Kate Wheeler?" "Authorities are investigating the possible connection between her and the latest in a series of bank robberies by the Sleepover Bandits." "Wheeler vanished 24 hours before the robbery of the San Andreas Bank." "Her abandoned car was discovered near the car of bank manager Lawrence Fife." "But a much bigger question remains unanswered." "Who exactly are these mystery men?" "A federal task force has been assembled to try to piece together this mystery." "ls there a link between her and the Sleepover Bandits?" "ls Kate Wheeler associated with them, or part of the gang?" "We'll keep you updated right here as this whole story unfolds on "Criminals at Large"." "(♪ "Twist in my Sobriety" by Tanita Tikaram)" "♪ All God's children need travelling shoes" "♪ Drive your problems from here" "♪ All good people read good books" "♪ Now your conscience is clear" "♪ I hear you talk, girl" "♪ Now your conscience is clear" "♪ In the morning when I wipe my brow" "Wipe the miles away..." " Harvey?" " Yeah?" "Do you remember what I said about conspicuous behaviour?" " Keepin' a low profile." " Are you achieving it, do you think?" " You bet." " Good boy." " What do you think of my boots?" " Very lifelike." "♪ Look your love has drawn red from my hands" "♪ From my hands you know you'll never be" "♪ More than twist in my sobriety..." "Hey!" "Nineteen!" "We'll be right there." "And just so you know, I got a bee up my ass about you two!" "Congratulations, Kate." "You're a famous missing person." "Practically a TV star." "Different for you, bad for us." "We try to keep ourselves out of the spotlight if possible." "Nobody saw me." "We barely left the room." " Go home!" " No." "Yes!" "Joe?" " It's up to Kate." " What do you mean it's up to Kate?" "Relax, Terry Lee." "We went shopping." " Bought me my first disguise." " You went shopping?" "Yeah, we went shopping." "What's the big deal?" "Man!" "We have a wig." "We have a hat." "For those long, sunny days on the lam." " What do you think?" " I don't care about it." "Hey." "What happened to Kate?" " You made a joke." " Oh, cute(!" ") They made a little love joke." "So, Joe, is she worth it?" "I mean, in theory, isn't one woman just like the next?" " So I was just wondering, is she worth it?" " She's got saliva in her mouth." " Of course she has." "It's glandular." " She's got more." "Really?" "How much?" " A lot." " A lot?" "Sounds like a tumour in the parotid gland." "Rabies is transferred..." "Terry." "No one has ever kissed me like that before." "Ever." "Law enforcement officials now know the identifies of the Sleepover Bandits." "Joe Blake and Terry Collins escaped from an Oregon penitentiary three months ago." "Today, for the first time ever, Blake and Collins were added to both the FBI and the Federal Marshal's Top Ten Most Wanted List." "Not only that, but a $500,000 reward was offered for their capture." "The identities of these modem-day Robin Hoods were confirmed by two hostages" " taken after the amazing prison break." " (reporter) Darren, there they are." " (male reporter) Cheri Woods, please?" " (female reporter) Are you hurt?" " (Phil) Where are you taking us?" " Did they tie you up?" "No, they were nice." "We had pizza and played video games." "(reporter) Back up, folks." " Did they take anything?" " (Phil) Yeah, they took my car." "(Cheri) They didn't do anything." "They were very nice." "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your cooperation." "Please make no attempt to escape." "We will kill you if you do." " Thanks again for your cooperation." " Bye, Joe." "Bye, Terry." "That's great! "Bye, Joe." "Bye, Terry." Did you hear that?" "(gasps)" "Harvey?" "Harvey!" "Aren't we supposed to be following the guys to the rendezvous?" " Pink." " The girl?" " Pink boots." " First lesson to get a girl, play hard to get." " Let's go." " Think she needs a ride?" " No." " I think she needs a ride." "I think I need a ride." "Let's go." "Accelerate and go." "Go!" "♪ Do you ever feel the same?" "♪ You wear it so well" "♪ You wear it so well" "♪ It suits you just fine" "Is this the only road?" "Don't worry, we'll find 'em." "Just rest your little head, young lady." "There they are." "It's OK." "We got 'em." " (sighs with relief) - (honks horn)" "All righty!" " We thought we'd lost you!" " Joe!" "You are so cute." "You are really cute!" " (horn blares)" " Har-Har-Harvey, there's a truck!" "Argh!" "Argh!" "Dispatch, call 911." "We've got a major accident." "Probably need an ambulance." "Oh, God." "Look at the condition of things." "It's just..." "I don't think they should even move us." "I'm not sure we should be moving at all." "I mean, we should be, like, restrained." "(sheep bleating)" "Are we in Scotland with a bunch of sheep?" "I don't know what this is about." " Hey!" "You all right?" " Joe, do you suppose we should..." " Are you all right?" " I need a stabilising collar." "You do, too." "We shouldn't even be moving around." "And now there's sirens in my head." " I probably have a concussion." " Wait." "Sh." "That's not in your head." "(sirens)" " Those are si..." " You hear them, too?" "Yeah, it's the police." "We should go." "Come on." " Oh, sirens!" " Come on down here, hey!" "Yeah, like, real sirens." "You need to go up." "Listen, pay attention to me." "Listen, get Kate and get outta here now." "I'll get the money." " But I'm with you." " No!" "No!" "You gotta go." "Go." " Are you OK?" " Go with Terry and get outta here now!" " Kate, go with Terry now!" " The police!" "I know." "Just go with Terry now!" "Go!" "Just go on!" "I gotta get her and put her in Pollard's car..." " Terry!" "That's Kate right there." "Take her." " Wait!" "The police." " Hey, hey, hey, hey!" " But the police are coming." "We can't leave them." "No, we can't go." "We can't leave them!" "Stop flailing your arms and go with me!" "Go on!" "Go on!" "Do you hear sirens?" "Because I still hear sirens." "Calm down." "Joe will know what to do." " Joe and Pollard are long gone by now." " His car's still here." "Well, he can get another car." "As a matter of fact, he can get another girl!" "He wouldn't leave without me." "Kate, memo to yourself:" "Joe is not exactly the flowers-and-hearts kind of guy." "When it comes to running from the police, you don't figure into his thinking, or mine." " Well, I'm not leaving without him!" " Suit yourself!" " Well, what are you gonna do?" " What am I' gonna do?" "I'll tell you." "I'm gonna flee from the scene of the crime in the nick of time." "I'm gonna have two weeks to get my heart rate back to normal, and then I'm gonna join Joe at the other bank." "OK?" "That's what I'm gonna do." "Well, I'm going with you." " You stay away from me for ever." " Please don't make me beg." "(Mark Knopﬂer) ♪ Rüdiger stands in the rain and the snow" "♪ Briefcase and spectacles" "♪ Strange and respectable" "♪ He knows the meaning of being alone" "♪ Oh, oh, oh" "♪ Rüdiger" "♪ Rüdiger" "♪ Rüdiger" "♪ Oh, Rüdiger" " (man) Well, you are one lucky fella." " (Terry) I am?" " I got the last room in town." " But that won't do." "I need two rooms." "(laughs) No such thing!" "See all the cars?" "It's a Debbie Day Cosmetic Convention." "Never seen so much pink in my life." "It's a hell of a thing to do to an automobile." " I don't care what it is." "I need two rooms." " Do you want the room or not?" "(women singing "The Shoop Shoop Song")" "(women singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight")" "You asleep?" "Uh, no." "This "Weeble Wobble Song", or whatever it is, scared me half to death." " You?" " I was just wondering where Joe was." "Is" "(Terry) Joe just likes to have a good time and a..." "Well, a good time, basically." " Alone?" " Well, you know Joe." "Cultural events, museums." "He's a very dedicated traveller." "He's not alone." "My husband is a terrible kisser." "That's random." "Well, like how?" "What do you mean?" "Oh, the first time, you know, he took me to a movie." "Well, he brought me home and I'm standing at the front door, you know, waiting for the inevitable, and he looms and I'm thinking "OK, it's about time."" "And then he... he just comes at me with his mouth." "It just opens so..." "Oh, God, it was really wide." "That's not funny." "No, I actually tried to adjust to the kiss size. it was huge!" "And I dislocated my jaw." " (click)" " It still clicks." "You can't hear that?" "Kinda." "Can I hear it once?" "It's really loud." "Oh, yeah, baby." "That's so..." "I mean, you know, that's loud." "I dislocated my jaw and I still married him." "I don't know the first thing about love." "I know I look like I do, but I..." "I don't." "Not really." "Love is a wish that hides in your heart, and nobody knows about it but you." "Love is blinding, and an eternity in a single moment." "A religion worth dying for." " Well, it's also time-consuming." " Yeah." "And, you know, a pain in the ass and a hole in the heart and that sort of thing." "Not necessarily in that order, but I'd like to think it is that order, really." "Oh!" "Bless you." "Gesundheit." "Many happy returns." "Three's the..." "Oh, gosh." " This is gonna be one of those." " Really?" "Do you..." "Hey, do you want me to scare you?" " No, that's for hiccups or..." " No, it works." "Wah!" " No, don't!" "That's not, uh... (sneezes)" " No?" "OK." "Um..." " Don't be frightened." " What are you doing?" " I'm trying to block the flow of air." " You're not helping!" "Good." "Ow!" "Jeez!" "I'm sorry." "Ah..." " Did I scare you?" " Oh." "I'm sorry." "I was a bit hard there, but..." "You're dribbling a bit, but you're not sneezing." "I have food allergies." " Tell me about it." " And other phobias." " Like what?" " Well, like "decrescophobia", which is..." " What's that?" " Well, it's a fear of getting smaller." "I lost two inches in six months." "That's significant..." " Terry, you're still here!" " Antique furniture scares me to death." " What's that called?" " There's no name for it." "I'm the only one." "Oh, no." "Anything before 1950 just gives me the heebie-jeebies." "Benjamin Disraeli's hair - there's a problem." "I'm afraid of Charles Laughton." " (both) Black-and-white movies..." " Black-and-white?" " I just can't eat in front of them." " Oh, my God." "I can't either." "You know what?" "I think it's better to feel too much than feel too little." "I never thought of it that way, but, uh..." "Oh, no." "You're blinking again." " Oh, that's just a ventromedial anomaly." " Can I just..." "Maybe if I..." "Is that OK?" "There's this neural factory between the eyes." " Between the eyes?" " It's in the..." " There?" " Exactly." " OK." " (moans) Oh..." "Oh, yes, oh." " Yeah." "I can feel that." " That kind of thing." "It's..." "Oh, yeah." "Outgoing messages to the nervous system, that kind of thing." "It's... (sighs)" " Embarrassment and fear." " Oh, it's... big." "You know." "Love and hate." "That's a biggie." "(U2) ♪ The heart is a bloom" "♪ Shoots up through the stony ground" "♪ There's no room" "Oh, my God." "♪ No space to rent in this town" "♪ You're out of luck" " ♪ And the reason that you had to care - (grinds gears)" "♪ The traffic is stuck" "♪ And you're not moving anywhere" " ♪ You thought you'd found a friend - (engine splutters)" "♪ To take you out of this place... (Terry) There's this scientist in London who used electric shock" " to prove that cockroaches have feelings." " (giggles) Terry, you're not a cockroach." "You're more like..." "you're more like a beaver." " A beaver?" " In a good way." "In a cute way." "I feel like a cockroach." "That's assuming that they are capable of making mistakes that blow apart the world they live in." "Well, if you're a cockroach, what does that make me?" "Dangerous." "(Veils)" "♪ You've been all over" "♪ And it's been all over you" "♪ It's a beautiful day" "♪ Don't let it get away" "♪ It's a beautiful day" "♪ Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "♪ Touch me" "♪ Take me to that other place..." "They're here." "Boy, were we ever wondering' about you two guys." "We were wonderin' and wonderin' and wonderin' and..." "Hey, Joe." "Hi." "Welcome back." "Missed you." "(both) Yeah." "We missed you, too." "Joe, can I talk to you for a minute in private?" "Be right back." "(Terry) God knows, it was a shock to me." "It was more like a revelation of some kind, and yet shocking, like a shocking revelation." "I was right about Kate's kisses, wasn't I?" "Hm?" "Let me keep her." "OK?" "Even if you kill me, I don't give a shit." "I just wanna know what it feels like to have her to myself, before I die, OK?" " I'm not gonna do that!" "I can't do that." " Why, Joe?" "I mean, this is like a hobby to you." "It happens to you all the time." " It makes you feel like a million bucks..." " No way." "But it never happens for me." "Not once!" "Not once has this ever happened for me." "Do you understand the significance of that?" "Yeah." " You do?" "So we agree?" " We let Kate choose, right?" "No, no, of course not." "That's a terrible idea, because she'll choose you." "Are you boys sure you don't wanna kick my tyres first?" " You could arm-wrestle." " (Joe) Um, yeah." " Or, I don't know, flip a coin." " (Terry) if it's best four out of seven..." "Unless you think that these are incredibly shallow solutions to a complicated problem that may require delicacy and understanding?" "Yeah, that... that last part." "Maybe you're right, Kate." "You should choose." "So choose." "What's it gonna be?" "Is it gonna be Mr Action-Figure Hero Guy here?" "Or... or... brains and... sensitivity and..." "a lot of other things I could name?" "So, in other words, me or that guy?" "Yeah." "Good-lookin', or itchy?" "What if I don't want to?" " (Joe) Don't wanna what?" " Choose?" "Well, you have to choose." "What are you talkin' about?" "(Terry) That's the point, right?" "I know this is confusing." "I mean, believe me, I'm a little confused myself." "(Joe) You stole my girl?" "You take her away for two weeks and you brainwashed her!" "Brainwashed!" "(both shout at once)" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Would you stop it?" "Stop that!" "Excuse me!" "Would you stop this?" "Look, you're getting his coat dirty!" "(Joe) Coat!" "Now look at me." "Hello?" "Would you look at me just for a second?" "I ran away with bank robbers." "A strange choice, but it's understandable given my state of mind." "But then what do I do?" "I sleep with bank robber number one because he's strong." "And he's..." " Handsome." " ..handsome and knows what he wants." " There you go." "Makes sense to me." " I don't stop there." "Oh, no, not this little red hen." "Due to circumstances beyond all boundaries," "I sleep with bank robber number two." "And he is sweet..." " ..and smart and..." " Cute as a beaver." " Oh, please!" " ..deserves more than he thinks he does." "Exactly." "Now, the heart's a mysterious organ, and it plays by its own rules." "I don't wanna choose." "You know, I don't think I can." "And if that's scary or against the laws of man or whatever, then..." "I mean, you're outlaws, right?" "So..." "I guess I'm an outlaw, too." "(Terry) OK." "So, Harvey, you should park in this alley, by the comer of this building..." "And I look up and I see these two cars headed right by each other..." " (Harvey) Guys?" " "and they collide, right?" "And there's this red-headed woman getting hauled off into the other car." "(Darren) The teenager had no way of knowing he was about to capture this footage of the Sleepover Bandits and the missing woman, Kate Wheeler." "In this "Criminals at Large" exclusive, the woman's husband made this plea." "Please, wherever you are, return my wife to me." "Kate, if you're listening, I want you to know that I'm OK." "I hope you're holding up well." "I hope these men are treating you correctly." "And, speaking of which, I'm going to Spain next week, so if your kidnappers would like to contact me, they can get in touch with my people, and you know who they are." "And the house is waiting for you right here, where you belong." "And the house misses you." "I miss you." "I miss... (turns off TV) You have no idea where I belong." "You belong here." "Yeah, with us." "(Pete Yorn) ♪ You said that I should get away from it all" "♪ And bury my head in the sand if I want to" "♪ I think you" "♪ Should thank me now" "♪ You were lying wide awake in the garden" "♪ Trying to get over your stardom" "♪ And I could never see you depart us" "♪ And you're my baby" "♪ You're just another girl..." " (Terry) Margaritas and sunsets." " (Joe) Paradise." "(Joe) We buy the restaurant and tum it into a nightclub." "' (Kate) A nightclub?" " Yep." "(Terry) And Joe will work the room and I'll run the kitchen, naturally." " What's a lady like me do in paradise?" " (Joe laughs wickedly)" " (Kate) Don't be rude!" " You can do whatever you want." " Whatever I want?" " Drink margaritas, paint your toes." "If you could do anything, what would it be?" " Whatever I want?" " Whatever you want." "All right." "I wanna sing." " Sing?" " Well, we need a singer for the nightclub." " We talked about that." " Yeah." " Do you wanna..." " You gonna sing?" " Do you want me to?" " Come on." "There it is." "(Joe laughs) All right." "Come on." "OK." "Oldie, but a goodie." "(out of tune) ♪ if you see me walkin' down the street" "♪ And I start to cry each time we meet" "♪ Walk on by-y-y" "♪ Just walk on by-y-y" "♪ Make believe that you don't see my tears" "♪ Just let me grieve" "♪ In private, cos each time I see you" "♪ I break down and cry-y-y" "♪ So walk on by" "♪ Don't stop" "♪ Just walk on by" "♪ Now you really gotta keep on walkin' by" " Hi." "Hey." " How are you feelin'?" "My system's been a flurry of activity." "I had a rapid heartbeat, seeing spots, then a sudden hearing loss in one ear..." "That's not what I mean." "Kate, there are guys who leave, and there are guys who get left." "I don't think it's any mystery as to which category I fall into." "Terry Lee, I'm not leavin' you." " You're stayin'?" " Yeah." " Good night." " Well, that's not staying." "That's going." "What are you doing?" "Did I get the secret knock right?" "Yeah." "Yeah, it was perfect." "I really missed you when we were away." "Good night." "♪ You're just another girl" "♪ You're just another girl" "♪ Girl" "♪ Girl" "♪ Oooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh" "You want to talk about headaches, my brother Albert had horrible headaches." " Migraines?" " No." "Brain tumour." " He smelt burning feathers for a year." " You're joking!" "No." "The tumour was pressing on some gland or somethin' above his..." " Olfactory gland." " That's it." "And apparently it affects your sense of smell." " Burning feathers?" "Explain that." " Weird, isn't it?" " Did he smell them all the time?" " All the time. 24 hours a day." " Great." "Were there any other symptoms?" " One of his pupils got smaller." "Hot damn!" "I knew it!" "You're the boys from TV." "Uh, the Sleepover Bandits." "I guess that means I'm a hostage." "You better come on in." "We gotta get started." "Come on." "Come on." "Jesus." "(Terry) Can you do me a favour?" "Look at my pupils and tell me if they're the same?" " Are they different sizes or the same?" " I'm not a doctor." "Please humour me." " The right one looks smaller." " Jesus, don't tell me that!" " You asked!" " Do you smell burning feathers?" "No." " I have a brain tumour." "I know I do." " What?" " Guy said my pupils are different sizes." " You're kidding?" " Mm-hm." " Jesus." "First my brother, and now you?" "God." "Oh, pink." "Harvey!" "Harvey!" "Hey!" " What do you mean, no?" " That's what I said." "No." "Good manners are no excuse for criminal behaviour." "I am not opening the safe." "I am not giving you the money." " You know we're armed, right?" " Oh, you wouldn't hurt a flea, Joe." "Everybody knows that." "I'm stumped." "How about you?" "Jesus!" "Just give us a bit of the money. 100 grand of it is already insured by the government." "(Terry) Joe?" " Get back there." "Go on." " (Terry) What the hell's wrong with you?" " I guess there's a good reason for this." " It's the missing woman!" "I almost forgot!" " There's police outside." " Where's Harvey?" " I don't know!" " Will you get back there, ma'am?" "Just do what he says." " Where's the bathroom?" " In the back." "I hope there's clean towels." "I'm sorry to bother you, Mrs Kronenberg, but it's after eight o'clock." "You haven't turned the sign on yet." "I figured you forgot the all-clear again." "Aw, Edgar, aren't you sweet?" "I'll get right on it." "Say, you know, I was wondering." "I sure could use some cash." "And since I'm here..." "Uh, sure." "Since you're here." "(loudly) Come in, officer." "Right this way." "Thanks." "Hello." "Uh, 50 bucks OK?" " What do you attribute your success to?" " Courage. it takes a lot of that." "This is 500." "These are hundreds." "Oh." "Bank error in your favour." "Just a game-board kinda joke thing." "Surprise..." "You know, it's funny." "I think I've seen you someplace before." "It's my face." "I have an average face." "You know how people think you look like everyman." " I don't know." "Thanks, Mrs Kronenberg." " Have a good day." " Wait." "I forgot my glasses." " Come on!" " (alarm)" " Oh, shit!" " Come on!" "What?" " Terry has the keys." " Terry!" " Get in this cop car." " Mildred, where are they?" " That way." "Or it might have been that way." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop the car!" "Police emergency!" "There's a car, a police car!" "Follow that car!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" " We can't leave him." " Nothing we can do for him now." " He'd go back for you, if he had to." " Don't be so sure." "Joe, this is Terry we're talkin' about." "Remember your friend Terry?" " That's it!" "That's them!" " Found Pollard." "Darren, I gotta be honest with you." "It's not that difficult." "You walk in, ask for money, you walk out." "I don't wanna rush you, but this would be a good time to make your getaway." "Let's go." "Come on." "Get away from him!" "Get away!" "Let's go now." "Put that down." "Let's go." " Thank you." " Thank you." " Go, now!" " Oh, drive safely!" "Go!" "Now!" "Let's go!" "In the back!" "Dispatch, this is Lincoln Six." "We have an armed robbery..." "Is it not enough that every cop and every mouth-breathing reporter is on our ass?" " You have to sabotage us from within?" " It wasn't on purpose." "That's not the point!" "The point is you're dangerous." "And you're dense and you're stupid." "You're fired!" " No way." "I quit." " Harvey..." " (Terry) Call it what you want." " He's right." "I'm not a bank robber." "I'm a stunt man." " You don't need me." "You got Kate." " Are you sure?" "Yeah." "I quit." "You could've put us back in jail, Harvey." "I'm sorry, Joe." "Maybe I'll see you guys in Mexico." "(Five For Fighting) I I can't stand to ﬂy" "♪ I'm not that naive" "♪ I'm just out to find" "♪ The better pan' of me" "♪ I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane" "♪ I'm more than some pretty face beside a train" "♪ And it's not easy to be me" "♪ I wish that!" "could cry" "♪ Fall upon my knees" "♪ Find a way to lie..." "Nice car." "It's not mine." "I stole it." " What are you gonna do now?" " Drive to Hollywood." " Yeah?" "Why?" " I'm a stunt man." "Oh." "Do you wanna come with me?" "No." "Oh... r Up, up and away" "♪ Away from me" "♪ Well, if?" "all right" "♪ You can all sleep sound tonight" "♪ I'm not crazy" "♪ Or anything" " (Joe) Hey, Terry?" " Yeah." "Remember when I told you about my brother, the one with the tumour?" " Who always smelt burning feathers?" " It's emblazoned on my brain for ever." "You know, he never quit." "Never gave up trying, right to the very end." "Hey, Joe?" "I know just how he feels." "Good night, Joe." "(Darren) You guys, you've been together for quite a while." " Do you consider yourself friends still?" " (Joe) Oh, sure." "(Terry) People say there's no honour among thieves." "Totally wrong." "Right, Joe?" "Darren, it's like Lewis and Clark." "You got Lewis." "He's stuck somewhere out there in Africa, lost in the African wilderness." "And, uh, uh, Clark, Al Clark, I think his name was, he drops what he's doin' and he goes to find him." "And you know why?" "Because of friendship, that's why." "For God's sake, Joe." "It was Stanley and Livingstone." "Lewis and Clark tried to find the Northwest Passage with the help of a statuesque Indian maiden..." "But they were friends." "He was askin' us about friendship." "You always correct me." "I'm sorry." "You're right." " (Kate) You're up." " I couldn't sleep." "I was thinking you and I could go..." " Where is Joe?" " He's asleep." "Sound asleep." " Terry." " He is." "He's sound asleep." "If we could maybe come down to this bar down here at the thing and maybe just sit there and have a nightcap or somethin' like that." " It's a little late, don't you think?" " Oh, no." "Gosh, not at all." "I mean, live." "Act like it's the last, most important thing you'll ever do in your life." "Please?" " All right." "I'll just get a coat." " OK." "("Just the Two of Us" by Grover Washington and Bill Withers)" "♪ I see the crystal raindrops fall" "♪ And the beauty of it all" "♪ ls when the sun comes shining through..." "I love this song." "Actually, I never heard it before." "It's, uh..." "I have to press Al on these things." "It's an obsessive-compulsive thing." "It's a pretty song, though." "I played it six times." "♪ Just the two of us" "♪ Just the two of us..." "Just run away with me, Kate." "Please." "Let's get in the car and we'll just drive and drive and drive and drive, then stop at the perfect place, stay as long as we want, then get back in the car, and then we'll drive and drive and drive and we'll find another perfect place." "I'm just..." "This is kind of sudden, isn't it?" "This is crazy." "Well, not to me it isn't." "♪ Just the two of us We can make it..." "I need a whisky." "Can I have a whisky, please?" "And I'd like a vodka, please." "And a glass of milk." "Would you warm the milk?" "I got a right-side problem of some sort." "God, I hope I'm not having a brain tumour." " Hi, Terry." " Oh!" "How's it goin'?" " Hey, Joe." " What's goin' on?" "Not much." "Just..." "You here by yourself?" " You OK?" " I'm having trouble feeling my lips." " In a numb way?" " A little bit numb." " Oh, boy." " Joe!" " Hi." " I thought you were asleep." " Yeah." "I was asleep." " He woke up." " Anybody wanna dance?" " No, I don't think so." "Why don't you?" " Not me." " No, go ahead." " I'm not really a dancer, Joe." " Oh, you're a great dancer." " I can't feel my arm." "I'd rather not, Kate." " Kate's got her dancin' clothes on." " I just wanna sit and drink..." " Just go on over there and dance." " (Kate) You all right?" " You kids have fun." " You all right?" " Just fine." " You're kinda tilting a little bit." " It's just a momentary imbalance, but..." " Actually, I'm light on my feet." " Yeah!" "Oh, yeah." "I'm a pretty good dancer." "If you hold right there, it's good." " Lookin' good, Terry." " Such a pretty song." "Dance with me, Kate." "Only maybe you should do most of the dancing." " Happy'?" " What, honey'?" "I feel cold and sweaty." " Mind if I cut in?" " Yeah, sure." "I've lost the beat." " Don't you think we should...?" " No, he'll be fine." "Just take a little rest." " (song restarts)" " You guys just go right ahead." "Come here, dance with me." "Run away with me, Kate." "We could get in the car and just drive and drive and drive." "Really?" "That is a great idea." "What about Mexico?" "Well, Mexico will wait." "Well, what about Terry?" "Terry will just have to wait, too." "Listen, come on out..." "I am so confused." "In what way?" "In every possible way." "Well, just come on outside with me for a minute..." " I've got a hot milk." " What?" " I've got Terry some hot milk." "I'll just..." " But he's..." "I'll go check on Terry." "You all right?" " I got you some milk." "It'll help you sleep." " I'm lactose-intolerant." " You what?" " Lactose-intolerant." "You're lactose-intolerant?" " I get severe diarrhoea." " Sever diar...?" " Right." " I'll just be outside here on the porch." " Do you smell burning feathers?" " Burning feathers?" "Joe's older brother Albert, he smelt burning feathers." "He had a brain tumour." "Joe doesn't have an older brother." "I have no right side." "Is that what Joe told you?" "Can you feel this?" "Ow!" "Oh!" "Yes, I feel that!" "It hurt!" " Joe doesn't have a brother?" " No brother." " Albert?" " No Albert." "So the burning feathers was a lie." "Yup." " You're sure?" " Positive." " Where is Joe?" " Outside." " Joe, I've been thinking." " Me, too." "I've been thinking I don't have a brain tumour because you never had a brother." "And I can walk, too." "Did you notice that?" "I'm walking, see?" "Never cheat a pal." "Isn't that what you always say?" " You cheated me first!" " Did not!" " You cheated me first!" " No!" "Bullshit!" " What about paradise?" " I don't give a damn about paradise." " I'm outta here." " Well, guess what?" "Me, too." "OK?" "Happy?" " You won't make it a week without me." " I will with Kate." "Over my dead body!" "Ow!" "Agh!" "Oh!" "That hurt!" "You little shithead!" " (Joe) Argh!" "You bit me!" " Stop it!" " (Terry) You hit me!" " Would you stop it?" "!" " Oh, God." "This is over." " Not until somebody is dead or in a coma." " And I hope it's him!" " No, I'm talking about us." "I won't watch you do this to each other." "I just..." "I can't." "I'd rather see you in prison, safe from each other." "And, yes, I'm aware this is all my fault, I just bit off more than I could chew but I..." "I've just never felt this way before and I..." "I..." "I can't... choose between you." "What if everyone only has one big love?" "I know this one's bigger than usual, but... what if we only have one?" "And you know why I can't choose between you?" "Because together you're..." " ..you're the perfect man." " Kate..." "Kate, we weren't..." "we weren't really gonna even..." " Right?" " Yeah." "I'm sorry, boys." "This is over." "(Joe) Kate!" "Kate!" " Big, isn't it?" " Oh, it's just a bank." "Big, though." "Yeah." "Big." ". (both laugh) - (beeping)" "Oh, my God, it's them." "They're here!" " Oh, mama!" " (girl laughs)" "Kate Wheeler started out as a hostage, but is looking more like a bank robber." " That's ridiculous!" " (ringing)" " This is Patty Hearst all over again." " You may recall she went to prison." "Excuse me." "It's long-distance." "(Joe) Hold on a minute." "Don't tell her you love her now." " (Terry) I'm thinking of both of us." " She knows it." "Listen." "Listen to me." "I miss you." "And Joe misses you." "What I'm trying to say is we both miss you, equally." " We both miss you equally..." " Hi." "Hi." "How you doin'?" "Mm-hm." "Well, we've been..." "we've been, um, thinkin'..." " I've been doing some thinking, too." " (Joe) Uh-huh." "What were you thinkin'?" " I can't live like this." "That's the first thing." " Well..." "Which is entirely our fault, and we take full responsibility." " Full." " Really." " Absolutely." " No. it doesn't matter whose fault it is." " Not any more." " Let me talk to her." "Listen to me." "What if I told you there was a way out of this?" "One more big score." "OK?" "Just one." "Nice and safe." "Oh, I don't like the sound of this." "Well, uh..." "No, no more tricks." "No more tricks." "No more sleepovers." "We just walk in, show 'em our guns, take the money..." " You show them your guns?" " But we've got it all figured out." "No, no, I can't let you do this." "Oh, no, please don't do this." "It's a really bad idea." "Kate." "Kate." "Listen to me." "Listen to me." "This will work." "OK?" "The reward for capturing Joe Blake and Terry Collins has been doubled to $1m." "The question now is how much longer the two can continue their crime spree." "Their faces are known to just about everyone..." " Good morning." " How you doin?" "Let's go." "Outside." "Come on." "Go on." "Keep movin', shorty." " Oh, my God!" "What are you doin' here?" " (Joe) Shut up." "Come on." "You, too." "In front of us." "In front of us." "I'm Darren Head." "Welcome to Criminals at Large." "We've an interesting show tonight." "If you look behind me, you'll see we're not here on the set." "We're broadcasting tonight out of my home." "The Sleepover Bandits are here to set the record straight about Kate Wheeler." "I wanna say to you, to the American public, to all of the law-enforcement agencies out there across America," "Kate Wheeler was never involved in the bank robberies with us." "She was our hostage." "She was an unwilling hostage." "She was never, ever involved." "Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to be robbed." "I'm Kate Wheeler." "(Joe) Hands where I can see 'em." "Where's the manager?" "(Joe) Very good." "Sir, come with me." " OK?" "Nobody move." " Lay down right there on the floor." "I've never heard them talk like this before." "They're armed and dangerous, and I think they're serious." " (gunshot) - (screams)" "Let's make contact with them." "The SWAT team is standing around." "Helicopters are overhead." "An incredible scene at the Alamo Savings and Loan." " It's ringing." " (mobile rings)" "Yeah?" "This is Joe Blake." "You will never take us alive!" "Do you understand me?" "We want safe passage to Burbank Airport and we want a plane to fly us outta there." "No!" "No, no, no!" "No more phone calls, OK?" "You just do what I ask you!" "Hey!" "You are not gonna take us alive!" "(gasps and shrieks)" " "You're not gonna take us alive"?" " That's right." "Great thinking, Joe!" "How about they will not take you alive?" "I'm flattered you included me in your little "going out in a hail of gunfire" concept, but you've gone nuts, frankly!" "(Darren) The troops are moving in here." "The SWAT team is moving in." "In the background you can see Joe Blake and Terry Collins." "The hostages are there." "Hold your position." " I'm all through running, Terry." " I am, too." "But I got a better idea." "I'm gonna throw down my weapon and go back to the federal penitentiary where Kate Wheeler wants us." " I can't let you." " What if I don't give you that option?" " Everybody, hold your position." " Guys, hold on one second." " Put that gun down." " Make me." ""Make me"?" "You can't do any better than that?" "I'm outta well-turned phrases right now!" "They're in a standoff with themselves." " Put your gun down!" " Don't even think about it!" "Get outta here, and the rest of you, too!" "See you in paradise, you son of a... (Joe) Hey!" "That's a hostage coming out." "Somebody's coming out of the bank!" "Joe Blake and Terry Collins are in there." "Put it down." "Shut the..." "Shut up!" " Ow'." " (hostages scream)" "We've got shots fired inside." "You shot me!" "Ow!" "Stinkin' bastard!" "Agh!" "God!" "The suspects are shooting at each other." "Ash!" "Agh!" "Ash!" "on!" "You son of a bitch!" "Agh!" "All right on Terry." "Stand by." " (officer) Hold your position." " Red team, just hold." "(groans)" "All right, this'll be the shotgun on Terry." "(Joe groans)" "Now." " Wonderful." " The suspects appear to be down inside." "Applause," "Red team, go." "Red team, go." "Secure them." " Goddammit." "What is she doing?" " Come on, let's go." "Unbelievable." "Joe Blake and Terry Collins are down." "I can't tell if the police shot them." "Kate Wheeler's on the stairs..." "She fainted!" "If you've followed this story, you'll know that Kate turned in the Sleepover Bandits." "Let's get some help up here for Miss Wheeler." "Let's move, now!" "...be picking her up." "Get a shot." "Get a shot of her right there." "Are they dead?" "Miss Wheeler, you fainted on the steps." "Were you in shock?" "Yes, I was in complete shock." "Is it true you tipped off the police to today's bank robbery?" "Uh, yes, uh, I did." "But none of this was, um... was supposed to happen." "I just wanted them to stop." "(Joe) Why have we stopped?" "Are we safe?" "Are we safe?" "Good mornin', sunshine." " Open the bag!" " Here, open up." "Come on, let's go." " Great job, you guys." " Let's get outta here." "(Joe) OK, let's go." "Grab the money." "Come on." "Let's go." "Get outta here!" " (screaming)" " It's gonna blow!" "It's gonna blow!" "Run!" "It's gonna blow!" "(reporter) "with a stunning turn in today's big story." "The vehicle transporting the bodies of the Sleepover Bandits has exploded." "The bodies were wired with explosives." "They incinerated, with no trace of Joe Blake and Terry Collins." " Here's to paradise." " To us!" "(Kate) Better wait for me, cos I'm bringin' sunscreen and the million-dollar reward." "(Darren) And so ends the tragic tale of the Sleepover Bandits." "Or does it?" "Joe Blake and Terry Collins captured the imagination of a nation." "And in death their lives are becoming the stuff of legends." "They weren't heroes." "They never claimed to be." "After the interview, people asked me "What were they like?"" "I know as much as you - they robbed banks, kidnapped the wrong woman, and shot each other to death in cold blood." "The rest is rumour and speculation, the stuff of folk tales." "And in the end, maybe that's the way we really want it to be." "I'm Darren Head." "We'll see you next week on another edition of Criminals at Large." "Fade to black." "That should do it." "(man) ..and this woman have consented together in holy matrimony." "(man translates into Spanish)" "And have witnessed the same before God and this company, and have pledged their love to each other, and have declared the same by the joining and the giving of the rings." "(translates into Spanish)" "The groom may now kiss the bride." "(U2) I' It's a beautiful day" "♪ Sky falls, you feel like" "♪ It's a beautiful day" "♪ Don't let it get away" "♪ You're on the road" "♪ But you've got no destination" "♪ You're in the mud" "♪ In the maze of her imagination" "♪ You love this town" "♪ Even if that doesn't ring true" "♪ You've been all over... (Darren) Right, gentlemen, let's start from the beginning." "How'd you guys meet?" "Well, lifting weights, pumping the iron, you know, the usual way." "Terry had an imaginary appendicitis." "And then he had, uh, imaginary blood poisoning." "I was working in the infirmary." "The medical term is septicaemia, and it wasn't..." "Anyway, one night in the infirmary I'm hearin' this howling sound, uh, Darren." "You know, like the noise a cat makes when a cat's in heat?" "That mrrr!" "Mmmrrr!" "That little sound, you know." "One of the things we always liked to remind ourselves before any job was, expect the unexpected." "Right?" "Right?" "Always sounds like good advice, except, of course, if you are expecting the unexpected." "Then it really isn't unexpected any more." "And that leaves you vulnerable to the truly unexpected, because you're not expecting it." "(Darren) Everyone saw the video tape - it's famous - of Kate Wheeler and the robbery." "Why don't you set the record straight about Kate Wheeler and your operation?" "The girl was terrified, you know, with us, I think, both as men and as bank robbers." "And didn't like us." "Never liked us." "We never got along from the very first moment we met." "Don't you guys ever get really scared?" "This job is so dangerous." "(Terry) I'm immune to danger." "I dance with danger." "I walk up to danger and tug it on the ears and sneer at it, make funny faces at it." ""Come on!" is what I'm sayin'." "You know, you have to have nerves of steel." "And I have a nervous system which - as a child, God knows, I was a nervous kid." "But you get in, there's somethin' about the adrenaline..." "What are you laughin' at?" " You're immune!" " I'm immune to danger." "(Joe) You're totally immune."