"Ron Winspear:" "We are all human beings, and we have dreams." "This voyage is Don's." "For him, it was the adventure." "There may have been an element he wanted fame and glory." "He wasn't averse to taking risks." "But, when you're alone... just you... and the ocean... it's the whole of your universe." "It's totally indifferent." "It's there waiting for you." "If you make a slip... then imagination is the danger." "It's no longer about heroes... and adventures at sea." "It's about isolation... and the delicate mechanism of the mind." "Ted Hynds:" "It was this new Elizabethan age." "It was the Beatles." "It was sexual freedom... freedom of the seas." "It caught the imagination." "Announcer:" "Francis Chichester aboard Gipsy Moth IV is now in sight of home." "He's merely 15 miles from Plymouth, at the end of his epic round-the-world voyage." "Thousands of people have been pouring into the city." "They're waiting for their first glimpse of a man who set out nine months and 33,000 miles ago." "Hynds:" "There were signs, there was noise." "It was mayhem." "You stood and watched and let it wash over you." "Chichester had done a single-handed circumnavigation and brought his vessel back home." "Stirring stuff, boys-only stuff." "Hynds:" "Chichester had started the ball rolling." "People were looking for "What was the new challenge?" "What's the next frontier?"" "Robin Knox-Johnston:" "Chichester stopped halfway." "He pulled into Australia and did quite-serious refits." "I thought, "That's it." "One thing left to be done... go around the world, single-handed, but nonstop."" "Hynds:" "The general public got into the spirit of it, and newspapers as well." "And of course "The Sunday Times" came up with the idea of a nonstop race around the world." "Donald Kerr:" "There could be no greater challenge." "The first part, down to the South Atlantic, was fairly kind, but then your troubles started." "Once you rounded the Cape of Good Hope, you were into the Roaring 40s, that endless band of storms that circled the world." "Then, thousands of miles later, you pass south of Australia," "New Zealand, and across the rest of the Pacific, to Cape Horn." "The seas became narrow there, and as they fall together, they grew wilder." "Then up past the Falkland Islands, cross the equator, back into the North Atlantic, and you were on your way home." "Tilda Swinton:" "In the spring of 1968, some of the world's most experienced sailors began to gather in the ports of Britain." "They were stepping forward as contenders in the greatest endurance test of all time." "Kerr:" "This wasn't a race in the normal sense of the word." "You could leave whenever you liked, but you had to leave before October the 31st, to avoid the really severe winter weather at Cape Horn." "The first man to do it would get the Golden Globe." "The boat that went round fastest would get the big prize of L5,000." "Knox-Johnston:" "This was something that a human hadn't yet attempted to do." "First of all, we didn't know if a boat could take it." "Secondly, there was considerable doubt if a human could take it." "Psychiatrists said that a human would go mad if they tried to do it." "We're talking about 10 months of loneliness." "But the more people told me it wasn't possible and I couldn't do it, the more I was convinced I could do it." "The one I thought would prove real competition was Bernard Moitessier." "He was highly experienced." "Swinton:" "The French adventurer, Bernard Moitessier, and the British Merchant Marine Captain, Robin Knox-Johnston, were among nine men announced in the final line-up." "Each knew the winners would earn their place in history." "Hynds:" "They were proper seamen, experienced sailors, and then... there was the mystery man:" "Don Crowhurst." "Interviewer:" "What sort of attitude of mind does a single-handed sailor have to have?" "I think one's psychology has to be fairly stable... and one has to be constantly aware of the risks one is running, which..." "Nee... need not necessarily be much greater." "I just thought, "It's too enormous to take on something"..." "I thought..." "I didn't give it some serious thought." "But there is a moment when an opportunity arises, and if you don't grasp it, that's it." "The first time I saw him, we were at a party at my flat." "I thought what a wonderfully warm, vigorous and lively person he was." "I had a red dress on, and he immediately said," ""Who's husband did you arrive with?"" "He started telling my fortune, and he said, "You're going to marry an impossible man, but you're going to be greatly loved."" "That was a ploy, I'm sure." "He may have used it with several others." "But it worked." "Don started his own small electronics firm making navigational aides." "They were very very slow-selling, but we were able to eat from it." "It didn't bother us very much that we couldn't have a very exotic life." "But really, we were skint, as it were." "Simon Crowhurst:" "Things were difficult and the business was struggling." "My father was at a stage of his life where he needed to take on a challenge that would show the skills that he had and the abilities that he had, which he had somehow felt frustrated, unable to show in his business." "My father had grown up with the Kipling stories of adventure and of heroes overcoming challenges." "Chichester had achieved something on a heroic scale and was recognized for it." "He had performed a tremendous feat that everybody could see and admire." "In a sense, my father wanted to take on that role and take on that persona." "This was the greatest challenge possible." "It grabbed my father, made him, almost compelled him to take part." "Clare:" "He asked me how I felt about it, and I said, "Well, if you can raise the money," "I think you deserve it."" "I didn't think he would raise the money, but all of a sudden the thing took on its own momentum." "Kerr:" "Many of the competitors didn't have that long to get a boat ready." "But Crowhurst was starting from scratch." "Winspear:" "Don chose a trimaran." "He started off purely concentrating on the idea that a multi-hull was fast and that he could win." "The idea was he could win." "Kerr:" "His head was full of ideas, advanced technology, what he could do "if."" "This was part of his great visionary dream, really." "Simon:" "It was going to be an innovative and advanced vessel, equipped with all the latest electronic devices that would make it better, would make it safer and would enable him to sail faster." "Winspear:" "That was the idea." "And then Don went off to find some money." "Kerr:" "Donald had tried a number of careers, but they had come to nothing, and he wanted more." "He believed in himself." "He was inventive, he had real brains, he had a great deal of charm." "...sort of blown up..." "It's all right." "No, I don't mind." "He'd read avidly of these long-distance exploits, and he could talk the talk." "The nearest you get to a transatlantic route is the southern..." "All he needed was someone to put up the money, and he carried along an entrepreneur, caravan-dealer..." "Stanley Best." "It really was an exciting adventure, and I'm not an adventurous person, so far as I'm concerned." "But it was interesting, compelling, to join in." "Kerr:" "The... the paddles of sponsorship are enormous." "Stanley Best knew nothing about sailing, but as a hard-headed businessman he wanted a contract." "Simon:" "Stanley Best made my father sign an agreement." "If he dropped out before the race began or dropped out early on in the race, he would be forced to buy the boat back." "In effect, my father would be bankrupt." "The house we lived in would have to be sold." "He was gambling everything." "He had staked everything on being successful in the race." "Everything depended on it." "Swinton:" "As the construction of Crowhurst's revolutionary boat began, his rivals, one by one, were setting sail." "With the prize for the fastest voyage as well as the first man home, the men were free to leave at any time, so long as they sailed by the race deadline..." "October the 31st." "Knox-Johnston:" "I think there were some similarities between us and astronauts." "People were just beginning to go round the moon at that time, in fact the first trip around the moon." "There was a lot of interest in what happened to people when they're suddenly shoved up clear of the earth." "And I suppose they looked upon us the same way." "You know, we're basically in a small capsule, we're setting off to go round the world." "It's extremely dangerous." "Anyone who goes to sea and says they don't feel fear is a liar." "Of course you're frightened." "Bernard Moitessier:" "When I left Plymouth," "Françoise was onboard the launch following me." "She was not very happy with that." "It's always a case of having to sacrifice one thing for another." "You have to choose between your life and a woman, and it's got to be your own life, hasn't it?" "Without hesitation." "Bernard:" "Around the world without stopping, single-handed..." "it's an enormous challenge." "It's incredibly demanding." "No one had done it before." "Anyone who tries it just for the money or the prestige is going to break his neck." "There was this extraordinary pretty ribbon that I had to pull." "And it would swing the bottle into the hull." "It had to be smashed by hand." "And of course, that's got all sorts of connotations in sailing circles." "But Donald wanted this thing." "He wanted to have a go." "I thought, "Well, if anybody has a chance, he has a chance because he is so innovative he'll do it."" "Hynds:" "This was a classic tale of English derring-do on a shoestring, the homegrown British hero." "There will be TV deals, there will be newspaper deals." "I mean, it's... sort of that feeding frenzy start." "Rodney, my boss, was a businessman as well as a journalist." "He was a Dickensian character... the Artful Dodger, perhaps even a Fagin." "He immediately saw the potential to make a lot of money." "Rodney Hallworth:" "A press agent's job is to get hold of the package which could be as dull as an old tin box." "Many people who do great things are often, as personalities, rather dull." "So you got to dress it up..." "a bit Christmassy... so that it appears attractive." "Donald decided originally to start down beyond Penzance." "But here in Teignmouth, we have a fairly active publicity setup, and we've persuaded him to come 150 miles backwards to start here and enjoy the delights of Teignmouth." "All the hoteliers immediately saw the potential, publicity-wise." "Swinton:" "Crowhurst's journey to Teignmouth was the first outing for his revolutionary boat." "It should have taken three days to get there." "It took two weeks." "Hynds:" "It was pretty embarrassing." "We'd been promoting Crowhurst as "the dark horse of the sea."" "We initially thought that this was a man who had made transatlantic voyages." "He wasn't." "He'd messed about in boats, but he was almost a weekend sailor." "But everyone loved the idea of this boy's own hero." "We wanted him to succeed." "The public, the town of Teignmouth, and Fleet Street wanted this to work." "Swinton:" "But Crowhurst was now dangerously behind schedule." "All but one of the other sailors were underway." "He'd lost any chance of winning the trophy for first man home." "And to win the L5,000 cash prize, he'd have to sail the world faster than any of the racers ahead of him, through a southern ocean that was already claiming casualties." "Kerr:" "Chay Blyth and John Ridgway had been knocked out of the race." "Big seas had seen them off." "It was the first inkling that this was not just an adventure, but a very dangerous undertaking." "Winspear:" "Don was showing a lot of courage." "He was well aware of the risks." "But he felt he was capable of..." "of getting through it." "Kerr:" "Here now was a publicity machine at full blast." "I was there as a journalist." "I was producing a film." "I could see that the schedule was tight, and when I got to Teignmouth, it was chaos..." "total chaos." "Interviewer:" "It took far longer for you to come around from the east coast than you had originally planned." "What sort of pressures has this put on you as a result?" "Well, it's a week less." "It means less time, you know." "The schedule is that much tighter." "Telephone!" "Telephone!" "Clare:" "I thought, "There's chaos here, you know, and that's worrying."" "Can you bring the dinghy around this side?" "Clare:" "The BBC people were watching it." "You could see that they saw that this wasn't how it should be." "Kerr:" "I told the cameraman," ""This is a voyage that's not gonna happen." "It's not gonna succeed." "Just film what is really happening..." "film the chaos of it all."" "Which he did." "With three or four days to go, there was so much still to be done by so many different people who got in each other's way." "He had lost track of what was happening on his boat." "Of course you realize I've got to have the equipment tonight." "It won't be on the boat if it's not put on tonight." "At that stage, people were beginning to say to him," ""Are you sure everything's all right?" "Have you really considered what you're doing?"" "Kerr:" "He was getting more and more exhausted and more rattled." "He was bright and cheerful for the interviews, but the minute the cameras stopped his face dropped." "Interviewer: 'Cause they sense that it's a personal story." "And if I can ask you..." "do you feel you're up against it with the time limit?" "I don't think there are too many things that are of any importance that remain undone." "Um... most of it is..." "is taken care of." "And I think that..." "I'm not lacking in any great... respects." "You know, there's nothing essential that's missing." "Kerr:" "The last day in Teignmouth," "Clare and I took him off for a walk along the seafront." "He just sat there, withdrawn and trembling, saying, "It isn't ready." "The boat isn't ready."" "And as we walked back we met Stanley Best, the sponsor, and Rodney Hallworth who stood to make a lot of money if he succeeded and nothing if he failed." "So when he told them he couldn't go, the boat wasn't ready, they said, "Donald, tomorrow it's October the 31st, the very last day to go." "You have to go."" "What do you think of the weather tomorrow?" "I don't know." "I would think at this time of year the southwestern winds..." "Yes, very nice." "Kerr:" "It was unstoppable." "There was so much at stake." "How could he say, "I can't go"?" "At the least, he faced ridicule and embarrassment." "What would he be, in his own eyes, if he didn't go?" "Radio announcer:" "Now we turn to Teignmouth in South Devon, on the last day in which Donald Crowhurst could start on his round-the-world voyage." "The rules of "The Sunday Times" race said that all competitors must have started by the end of October." "And at 3:00 this afternoon, after innumerable delays, start Mr. Crowhurst did." "How many can you manage?" " What about?" " Donald:" "The kids?" "Yeah, all right." "We're terribly short of time." "The pilot is waiting." "I'm awfully sorry." "Simon:" "I remember going on a small rowboat with my brothers and my sister, and my father kissing us goodbye." "It wasn't a feeling of sadness so much as excitement." "But I suppose there was a feeling also in the back of my mind," ""Well, you don't quite know what's going to happen next."" "Clare:" "The children were oblivious to the danger, without any doubt." "And it's just as well, really." "Man:" "Well, she's left Teignmouth at last." "The 41-foot trimaran, "Teignmouth Electron,"" "at the helm..." "Donald Crowhurst, this 36-year-old engineer who even at this last stage hasn't given up the idea of recording the fastest time." "Yes, he's got this yellow one-piece suit on, and still his tie." "And out here too is his wife Clare and four young children." "They're all very small, chanting, "Bye-bye, Daddy."" "Oh, something's gone wrong out there." "He's taking a tour again." "Something I think has gone wrong with the sail." "She's being towed back." "Oh, this is a tragedy." "Clare:" "The buoyancy bag at the top of the mast was fouled." "The sails wouldn't go up." "Yeah..." "Man #2:" "Well it was a delay of only two hours." "By 5:00, Mr. Crowhurst's trimaran was being towed out a mile from the shore, and a cannon shot marked the official start of his race around the world." "Clare:" "All I could see was this tiny figure on what seemed to be a minute boat, disappearing over the horizon." "Knox-Johnston:" "Nowadays with GPS you can pinpoint your position to within a few feet on any portion of the globe." "In the '60s, that just wasn't the case." "Don Crowhurst sailed over the horizon and effectively into oblivion." "Knox-Johnston:" "I don't think people understand what it was like in those days... pre-special foods, pre-weather forecasts, pre-satellites." "Bernard:" "You can't imagine how intensely I was living, how good it is to be on your own." "You climb up and you look back at your boat." "There is the sea, the wind, the sound of the water... above all, the beauty of the boat surging forward." "On your own you can discover who you really are." "Swinton:" "Bernard Moitessier had now been at sea for two months." "He was sailing faster than any of his rivals, averaging speeds of 120 miles a day, and closing rapidly on the race leader..." "Robin Knox-Johnston." "Behind them, at the back of the field of seven men, was Donald Crowhurst." "The voyage he'd staked his future on was finally underway." "Donald:" "I've been at sea now very nearly 14 days." "And I'm on my way to a rendezvous with Cape Horn." "That explains why I'm here, in the North Atlantic in the middle of November making tape recordings in a small boat." "Kerr:" "I wanted film of him at sea and I wanted his thoughts, so I got him a 16mm camera and a tape recorder." "Like in Teignmouth, when the camera was on, he was the bold, outgoing confident figure." "He was playing the character of the long-distance sailor." "Donald:" "The thing about single-handing is, it puts a great deal of pressure on the man." "It explores his weaknesses with a penetration that very few other occupations can manage." "Winspear:" "Don was always totally positive and confident... on the surface." "But the log revealed a totally different story." "Donald:" ""November 5th, Tuesday:" "Rachael's birthday." "Happy birthday, Rachael." "Hell of a morning for me, though." "I was feeling pleased with myself when I noticed bubbles were blowing out of the port forward hatch." "All the evidence was that the compartment was full of water." "November 7th, Thursday:" "Saw that more screws had fallen out of the self-steering gear." "That's four gone now." "The cockpit hatch has been leaking, and it's flooded the engine compartment and electrics." "This bloody boat is just falling to pieces."" "Kerr:" "There were a lot of hatches on these outer hulls, and they were all leaking." "While he was in these calm waters, he could walk out to them and bail them out with a bucket." "But once he got into the southern ocean the boat would be swept by waves." "There was no way he could empty them." "The hulls would fill and he would drown." "Donald:" ""November 15th:" "Racked by the growing awareness that I must soon decide whether or not I can go on in the face of the actual situation."" "Winspear:" "I think doubt started to set in..." "When reality started to set in." "And that reality wasn't quite as perfect as the idea." "This is why ideas are dangerous." "Donald: "As the boat stands:" "In its present condition my chances of survival would not," "I think, be better than 50-50."" "Winspear:" "He knew the risk of going to the southern ocean was very very high indeed." "Swinton:" "Crowhurst was now heading into that ocean in a leaking boat he had to bail by hand." "And confirmation of just how dangerous those seas could be came later that November." "Knox-Johnston:" "I'd heard about Ridgway and Blyth." "Next news I got was off New Zealand." "And I learned about King and Fougeron." "Kerr:" "Bill King got turned over by a big wave off South Africa and lost his mast." "There was the Italian." "The stress made him so ill, he had a stomach ulcer." "There was another French sailor." "He had 27 days of the most appalling weather, and he packed it in." "Hynds:" "It came down to the last four:" "Tetley, Knox-Johnston, Moitessier and Don Crowhurst." "Only four." "Swinton:" "The odds were shortening on Crowhurst all the time." "But his progress was painfully slow." "His only communication with land was through occasional telephone calls patched by radio operators and through Morse code cables, and the cables catalogued the problems." "Crowhurst was averaging barely 60 miles a day, half of the speed of Moitessier, in a boat that would not stay afloat in heavy seas." "Winspear:" "The pressure was building." "If Don went forward, he was committing suicide." "But the financial situation was desperate." "If he came back, he was ruined." "Donald:" ""Time and money:" "If one considers time only, the thing to do is turn back now;" "but money... this area is the most worrying." "If I stop, I will disappoint a lot of people..." "Stanley Best..." "most important..." "Rodney Hallworth, the folks at Teignmouth." "In the final analysis, if the whole thing goes quite sour, the business bankrupt and the house sold," "I would have Clare and the children still." "What a bloody awful decision, to chuck it in at this stage." "What a bloody awful decision."" "Simon:" "This was the point in mid-November at which his instincts should have told him that it was right to give up and he should come back to us." "But... somehow he couldn't bring himself to do that." "Clare:" "Donald was brought up in British India." "Home was wonderful." "The house full of animals." "He loved his father dearly." "But I think he had quite a nice little childhood." "There were always people around, but he was isolated." "His mother regarded England as El Dorado, and they came back and found they didn't like it at all." "They had little more than L5,000 and they thought they'd be able to live off that for a while." "But as things turned out, the money went in weeks and they literally found themselves destitute." "One day his father just keeled over with a heart attack and that was it." "Donald was about 15." "Simon:" "He had seen the consequences of financial disaster on his own family." "He knew what the implications might be for us." "He would have had a real emotional gut reaction to do whatever he possibly could to avoid that." "Maybe he could find a way out of this situation." "Winspear:" "Every time he woke up, it was the same problem." "He got no peace." "He couldn't walk away from it." "If he came back, he was ruined." "If he went forward, he was dead." "Is there a third option?" "There was a third option... a very interesting third option." "Kerr:" "Suddenly, everything changed." "Now we were all excited." "Here was a man who was going so slowly, and now he was setting record speeds." "People who had been cynical, people who had been disinterested felt differently now." "Simon:" "We just had this enormous confidence in my father." "He could do what he set out to achieve." "And then suddenly, there he was, and it was really coming true." "This is vindication on a grand scale." "243 miles in one day... the new sailing record." "And of course, Rodney is, "Yes, I've always believed in my boy,"" "all that sort of stuff." "Kerr:" "Rodney Hallworth is a good Fleet Street journalist..." ""Never let the facts get in the way of a good story."" "He would add a little color and add quite a distance to the records Crowhurst was setting." "So Donald was passing messages to Rodney, and Rodney was embellishing them for Fleet Street." "Swinton:" "In the middle of December, a month and a half into his journey," "Crowhurst's reported position advanced rapidly towards the southern ocean." "Suddenly it seemed that Donald Crowhurst was a contender in the contest for the fastest voyage." "Nigel Tetley, Bernard Moitessier, and Robin Knox-Johnston were now his only remaining rivals." "Man:" "I wonder what you'll do when the voyage is over?" "Hot bath." " Man:" "Anything else?" " Steak, egg and chips with new-boiled potatoes, fresh peas, a beautiful, juicy, sirloin steak." "But first thing, a pint of English beer." "Christ, I miss English beer." "Winspear:" "I think it might have started as a game." "Knowing Don, he had a playful nature..." "And game playing would come naturally to him." "He started playing games." "Clare:" "Maybe he just thought," ""Right, give them some boost back home." "Lift their spirits..."" ""and they'll all think something's happening here."" "Simon:" "My father was starting to claim that he had sailed further than he actually had." "He took the decision to begin charting his actual positions in a second logbook." "Swinton:" "Crowhurst knew the race judges might ask to see the logbook of any sailor who made it home." "So in this second log, he began to keep a secret record of his true journey, while gradually the cables he sent back to London mapped out the story of a fake journey." "Winspear:" "I suspect that he might have said," ""Well, let's carry on a bit, let a little water pass under the bridge."" "And then the game develops." "Swinton:" "Crowhurst may only have intended to exaggerate his progress before retiring from the race with a little pride restored." "But that first decision became a trap of its own." "Simon:" "The option of pulling out of the race became even more formidable." "Because the difference between where people thought my father was and where he actually was became greater and greater." "So to pull in at a port would bring home the fact that he was not at all where he was supposed to be... that he was much much further behind." "Winspear:" "That's where he got trapped, wasn't it?" "He'd made a mistake." "Whatever fears he had, he had to go through with it." "He couldn't go back." "He couldn't go home." "Simon:" "Around Christmastime, my father managed to get through on the telephone to my mother." "He couldn't tell her the problems that he was facing." "She thought he was doing well, and that her job was to convince him that she was coping." "They were trying to protect each other." "We tried to have a good Christmas, but there was still a great sense of something missing." "Clare:" "I remember one of the children sitting on the staircase crying that he wanted his daddy." "And that..." "I think brought it home to me what a dreadful thing we had done." "Donald: "There is a spirituality about this place, and about the time..." "Christmas... that does tend to make one a little bit melancholy." "And one thinks of one's friends and family, and you know that they're thinking of you." "And the sense of separation is somehow increased by the loneliness."" "Man:" "What about the children?" "How are they reacting?" "Clare:" "They're all right." "They're healthy enough about it." "One of them has nightmares, and this is a bit worrying." "He walks in his sleep and he shouts and he sees his father." "And because he can't..." "he sees him, but he can't communicate with him, and he can't feel the warmth of his personality about, he worries about this, of course." "But the others are very blasé about it, and they think of "Daddy's going to win the Golden Globe," you know." "Swinton:" "Early in the new year, a newspaper photographed Clare with the wives of Tetley and Moitessier." "They were christened "The Sea Widows."" "For weeks now, Crowhurst's publicity agents had tried to report news of his progress." "But after the cable claiming the world's speed record, his messages were rare and hard to decipher." "There were many telegrams from him where we couldn't put out a story because even stretching our imaginations, we couldn't decipher..." "we couldn't figure out what he was talking about." "They were cryptic beyond belief." "One came through "off Brazil."" "Well, where off Brazil?" "Sometime in the middle of January..." "I think it was the 18th or the 19th, we got a message saying he was having trouble and, in future, we would not be receiving any messages from him." "Um... panic." "Rodney was facing the prospect of no information at a crucial stage in the race." "Swinton:" "Crowhurst's last cable claimed he was 500 miles into the southern ocean, and closing on Tetley." "Ahead of them, Moitessier and Knox-Johnston were approaching the most dangerous part of the course... the last stretch of the southern ocean before Cape Horn." "Knox-Johnston:" "Cape Horn becomes fixed in your mind." ""Once I'm round Cape Horn," "I can turn north." "I can get out of this bastard of a place."" "'Cause it is a bastard of a place." "Imagine yourself in something about the size of a small truck, and coming towards you is a 12-story high building." "That is the size of the waves down there." "Bernard:" "A great cape has a soul with very soft, very violent shadows and colors." "A soul as smooth as a child's, as hard as a criminal's." "And that is why we go." "One forgets everything, seeing only the play of the boat with the sea, the play of the sea around the boat, leaving aside everything not essential to that game." "One has to be careful, though, not to go further than necessary to the depths of the game." "And that is the hard part... not going too far." "Donald: "You look out on this wild landscape stretching away as far as the eye can see, streaks of spume blown down the face of these immense waves... and froth-white foam sending a great flurry of spray and heavy water" "all over everything." "And it's all tremendously exciting, and a tremendous challenge, of course."" "Swinton:" "Crowhurst was drifting off the coast of South America, preparing a record of his false journey, film and audiotapes that would be broadcast on his return." "In two months' time, the race route would bring the other sailors around Cape Horn and past him." "At that point, he could slip in beside them, and sail for home." "Until then, he could only wait." "He'd stopped all radio communication to avoid detection." "His isolation was complete." "Winspear:" "There you are, you're alone on your boat, just you... and the ocean." "It's the whole of your universe, it stretches to the horizon." "It's totally indifferent." "And it just accentuates the isolation." "From that moment, the time bomb was ticking." "He had no longer one enemy which was the sea, he had himself... this problem of imagination and the delicate mechanism of the mind." "Keeping a sort of watch on sails by night." "Alone." "The rigging sighs a sigh of cosmic sorrow for weeping doves that die maybe tomorrow." "On 12.7 by 10-to-the-five irradiated olive trees." "A sigh to fill man's soul with melancholy." "Waves, sweep away my melancholy." "Swinton:" "Then in the last week of February," "Crowhurst discovered he had another problem." "Kerr:" "His float splits." "He needs help." "But he's not where he's supposed to be." "He's not in the southern ocean." "He's just off the coast of Brazil." "This is the trap he's in." "Swinton:" "If Crowhurst broke radio silence to call for help, his radio transmitter would give away his true position." "For seven weeks now, his family had heard nothing." "Simon:" "It just became more and more apparent that something should have been heard by now, and it hadn't been." "And people began to fear for the worst." "Clare:" "You think, "Well, I didn't stop him as I should have done."" "The last night at Teignmouth, he did weep for a long time in our bedroom." "I knew that it would be very easy to say, you know, "Don't go."" "That's the awful thing, you know?" "You know you could stop it, and yet you know that it could be disastrous if you did." "It's a bit like children who know that if you squeeze them too tight, they'll do the exact opposite." "But you can't ever know at the time which road is going to be the right one." "I remember in..." "in Teignmouth, shortly before my father set sail, listening in the hotel to the sound of a gale." "I hadn't realized before, just how dangerous the sea could be." "And I remember lying in my bed in the hotel, and listening to these huge winds and great waves crashing... and thinking, "That's the sort of weather that he's going to have to be coping with in his boat."" "Donald:" ""March 4th:" "Immediate problems:" "One, establish visual contact" "Rio Salado entrance, 30 miles;" "Two, repair float... mo proper materials... large sheet ply, screws, glue;" "Also require oats, meths, rice, vindaloo paste."" "Clare:" "He knew what it was like to come in contact with people again." "And they responded to him with warmth." "And yet, why he didn't telephone home is an overwhelming question." "He must have known we were desperate for news, but he didn't." "He didn't communicate at that stage, which is, to me, quite a shattering blow." "Winspear:" "I think if you were in the real world, at that stage you would have picked up the telephone... and said, "Look, I've had to stop."" "Because landing was a flagrant act for disqualifying himself from the race." "He was slowly but surely getting himself exposed." "He had made his first mistake." "That mistake was very likely to be revealed, particularly if the coastguards had noted his presence." "Winspear:" "Why didn't he stop then?" "Why did he go back out to sea?" "I can only assume he was half-in and half-out of the real world at this stage." "Swinton:" "As Crowhurst sailed away from land, the other sailors were coming round the Horn and racing north for Europe and home." "Bernard Moitessier had now been alone at sea for nearly six months." "And the isolation was beginning to affect him profoundly." "Bernard:" "After Cape Horn, I felt I knew" "I didn't want to come back." "You see, it didn't seem worth it." "I could feel it." "I didn't say so to anyone." "I didn't dare to." "I hardly dared admit it to myself." "Bernard:" "Around the world without stopping... eight months alone, completely alone, with all that the entails, it had never been done before." "Everything revolved around that word, "alone"... the nervous tension, the food, the exhaustion, my whole outlook." "Things which mattered at the start, didn't matter at all." "The rules of the game had changed now." "The rules within me had changed." "Donald:" "♪ I'm drunk, you circum... ♪" "♪ You silly old circum... ♪" "♪ You're as drunk as a circumnavigator can be!" "♪" "Hey, I'll tell you something." "I think the director- general of the BBC is probably slipping some buckshot into his 12-ball, as it were." "Oh, why should I worry?" "Hee-hee!" "He's given this lunatic Crowhurst a tape recorder, yeah." "And 74,000 miles of tape." "What can he do?" "He's got to deliver a load of gibberish in order to fill up the space, matey." "Do you see?" "I think I'll just have another little swig of this bottle here." "Ahh!" "Swinton:" "For Crowhurst, after four months, the waiting was coming to an end." "And like Moitessier, the prospect of his return was troubling him." "Within days, the route of his fake voyage would come past his actual position." "He had to plan how and where to rejoin the race, when to break radio silence." "Above all, he had to prepare the written evidence of a circumnavigation." "Kerr:" "Once he'd arrived successfully, the panel of judges would want to see his logbooks." "They would want proof that he had been round the world." "He would have to fake his position for every day he was supposed to be in the southern ocean." "That was an amazingly difficult thing to do." "Winspear:" "That would create enormous pressure." "He might think, "Well, I don't think I can go through with it."" "By this stage, I think Don genuinely felt that winning the race wasn't part of the plot." "Kerr:" "All he wanted really was to come in quietly as the man who came forth." "Nobody wants to see their logbooks... not too much scrutiny." "The interest in them wouldn't last long." "Winspear:" "Don was very much at risk in his game here." "But he just wanted to go back." "He was coming home." "Hynds:" "One morning, Rodney calls into the office and said, "Ah, he's back!"" "I said, "Oh, who's back?"" "And it was, "Donald Crowhurst is back."" "There's a phone call from Portishead saying Crowhurst is back on the air." "Clare:" "Rodney Hallworth phoned me very early one morning." "He said, "My face is covered in shaving cream, but I've had a message from Donald saying he's safe and well, and on his way home."" "Young Clare:" "I..." "I don't know..." "I just don't know what to do." "Quite frankly, I'm absolutely stunned." "I thought that when I heard, I would go absolutely crazy and I would go off buy lots of champagne and, you know, do all sorts of mad things." "But at the moment, I think I just want to keep the news a bit to myself and sort of absorb it before I..." "I completely lose my head." "Clare:" "The feeling that the whole world was different... didn't matter there wasn't enough money for this or that." "Everything was different all of a sudden." "Young Clare:" "Then I..." "I picked up the telephone to tell a friend and suddenly I was absolutely overwhelmed." "I couldn't..." "I couldn't talk for a long time." "Simon:" "It was as if a switch had been thrown." "Suddenly this elation... not only was he alive and well, but he was actually in..." "still very much in the competition." "Hynds:" "Our faith is deserved." "He's back with us." "Swinton:" "Crowhurst turned for home, slipping in behind Nigel Tetley, who'd passed just 100 miles to the east of him." "Everyone believe Moitessier was ahead of them, chasing Robin Knox-Johnston to the finish... until a message arrived in Paris." "Swinton:" "After seven months at sea and barely six weeks from home," "Moitessier abandoned the race and turned south again." "He was sailing on around the world a second time." "Bernard:" "I do not know how to explain to Françoise and the children my need to continue towards the Pacific... to be at peace." "I know I am right." "I feel it deeply." "I know exactly where I am going." "How could they understand that?" "It is so simple." "But it can't be explained in words." "The pictures of my children blur before my eyes, though God knows I love them." "Man:" "Morning of Tuesday, April 22nd." "Plymouth awaits the arrival of Robin Knox-Johnston aboard his 32' ketch "Suhaili,"" "now only a few miles away from the finish where he'll become the first man to sail around the world on his own, nonstop, a journey which has lasted 312 days." "The crowds now pouring in all around the Cornwall Coast;" "Binoculars and telescopes are out." "As his bows cross the line, a cannon should be fired, and the voyage will be over." "There he is." "Look at the smile." "He really is enjoying this." "This is tremendous." "And the cannon is gone, and Robin Knox-Johnston and "Suhaili"" "have sailed nonstop around the world." "Knox-Johnston:" "It was all a bit of a dream." "You look at all these people and say," ""I've done this, this thing that people said you couldn't do." "I've done this now."" "I don't have to come yell, scream, shout about it." "It's inside." "Man:" "Robin Knox-Johnston came out onto the balcony to acknowledge the cheer." "He's the first ever to round the world alone nonstop." "He's averaged 92 miles a day on this marathon voyage." "It's not enough to win him the cash prize for the fastest time, because Nigel Tetley and Donald Crowhurst are still battling it out in the Atlantic." "Swinton:" "All eyes now turned to the contest for the fastest voyage." "Either Nigel Tetley or Donald Crowhurst was about to become the most famous man in Britain." "Winspear:" "Right, the game playing is over," "We're back to real life now." "How are we gonna match the two?" "Not a very easy thing to do." "Whilst he was out on his own, that's one thing." "But he has now got to continue playing his character." "He's got a role to play and he mustn't drop a line." "Donald: "I think my effort will be faster than Chichester's and should be quite fast enough to give me 'The Sunday Times' race."" "So I'm feeling fairly bucked, fairly chuffed with myself." "Simon:" "The whole plan, in reality, depended on Tetley coming in first with the fastest circumnavigation." "Then his notebooks would be closely examined, while Donald Crowhurst's notebooks wouldn't need to be closely examined at all." "He's just a runner-up." "Winspear:" "He was going strong and it was looking great." "Then we got the telegram that there's no chance... of catching Tetley." "We're thinking, disappointment, but not devastation." "As far as we're concerned, our boy has done good." "He's gone through some of the loneliest, toughest seas in the world." "Even the most skeptical folk are saying," ""He has come in good and fair play to it."" "It was bloody marvelous." "And then suddenly, out of the blue..." "Tetley sunk." "Clare:" "I heard Nigel Tetley had been rescued." "I heard that before I heard that his boat had gone down." "Winspear:" "That finished it, basically." "He was going to win." "Clare:" "Donald was not a stupid man." "He knew what it would mean." "He couldn't glide into port and fade away." "He knew that everything would be scrutinized." "Winspear:" "There was going to be a committee of reception." "What did you think about when you went round the Horn?" "Everything would be verified." "Tell us about some of the problems that you found on this voyage?" "And Don knew very well that it would end up in total humiliation." "Could you do it again?" "That's not an option you go through." "And he's running out of options by now." "Donald:" ""When I was five years old," "I knew all about God." "He was an old man who would punish me if I was naughty." "By the time I was 20," "I decided there was no reason to expect any assistance from God... if he existed at all." "Man was evading his responsibility by constantly looking to God... for assistance." "The cosmic integral, the sum of man... adds up to nothing."" "Swinton:" "In the days after Tetley's sinking," "Crowhurst repeatedly tried to get a call through to Clare." "But his radio transmitter was failing." "Donald:" "If you are, I will come back to..." "Simon:" "The transmitter failing at that point was something that plagued him." "He became almost obsessed with fixing it." "He wanted to talk to my mother." "Donald:" "Mike-Zulu-Uniform-Whiskey calling GBC-3." "I have heard nothing." "I have heard nothing." "Clare:" "I think he just wanted human contact that he felt would be warm and responsive, whatever he had to say." "Donald:" "Mike-Zulu-Uniform-Whiskey calling." "Mike-Zulu-Uniform..." "Clare:" "He could have trusted me... but there was nothing he could do." "Donald:" ""There are close similarities between sailing a small boat and living." "You start off unprepared, a long journey ahead of you that you think will never end." "And you go through a series of triumphs and disasters." "And suddenly you realize that... what's done is done." "The mistakes you've made stand forever."" "Hynds:" "There were 100,000 people expected to meet him." "100,000 to say hello to you on your way home." "There was going to be a razzmatazz." "There would be triumphant processions." "It was euphoric." "This almost outdoes Chichester." "Hallworth:" "We're hoping this will be a great gala affair." "Newspapermen from abroad have all booked in hotels." "Over 1,000 arrangements have been made to welcome him home." "Clare:" "It was beginning to build up to be really lovely." "It was so close to the end." "Everybody was in such high spirits." "All of a sudden, everything was all right." "Kerr:" "His dream, it was there." "It was going to come true." "Everything a hero could want." "But he knew it was false." "Swinton:" "On Tuesday, 24th of June," "Crowhurst turned away from England and let his boat drift through the weed-infested waters of the mid-Atlantic Sargasso Sea." "Then he opened a logbook and began to write." "He called it his philosophy." "Donald:" ""The explanation of our troubles is that cosmic beings are playing games with us." "During his lifetime, each man plays cosmic chess against the devil." "God is playing with one set of rules, and the devil with the other, exactly opposite set of rules." "The shameful secret of God... the trick He used, because the truth would hurt too much... is that there is no good or evil." "Only truth."" "Clare:" "He was in the most extraordinary feeling of "I've failed everything."" "There was nobody there to talk to." "He tried to contemplate ways of dealing with this race and the money and the family back home, and eventually his brain said, "Enough." "No more."" "Donald:" ""Do we go on clinging to the idea that God made us?" "Or realize that it lies within us to make God." "By learning to manipulate the space/time continuum, man will become God and disappear from the physical universe as we know it."" "Clare:" "Somehow he just had given up on his family." "We had vanished from his mind at that stage." "Man:" "Mrs. Crowhurst, unless he sinks, your husband is going to win the L5,000 for the fastest time." "What will this mean to you and your family?" "Very little change in our way of living, I should think." "He won't sink, I don't think." "Donald: "I have become a second generation cosmic being." "I am conceived in the womb of nature, in my own mind, in the womb of the universe."" "Man:" "You've told me that you haven't had any fears during the voyage, but what about when he returns?" "Yes, I am a bit concerned about the change of personality." "I think it's inevitable that he will be a very different person." "Somebody who faced every day as though it was a new danger and a new feeling of excitement." "Donald:" ""I was forced to admit that nature forces on cosmic beings the only sin they are capable of... the sin of concealment." "It is a small sin for a man to commit, but it is a terrible sin for a cosmic being."" "Winspear:" "He is living totally in his internal world." "He's invented, in his mind, a relationship between him and the universe." "He's found refuge there, in a sense." "Donald:" ""I am what I am." "And I see the nature of my offense." "I will only resign this game if you will agree that on the next occasion that this game is played, it will be played according to the rules that are devised by my great God." "It is finished." "It is finished." "It is the mercy." "11 hours, 15 minutes, no seconds." "It is the end of my game." "The truth has been revealed and it will be done as my family require me to do it." "11 hours, 20 minutes, 40 seconds." "There is no reason for harmful..."" "Clare:" "I'd been out for a walk, and I came back with the dog." "My sister was with the children." "And she said," ""The boat's been found."" "Then I became aware there were several complete strangers on the front lawn and a couple of police cars." "Just my instant reaction was," ""Get the children out of here."" "Winspear:" "You can imagine the atmosphere, the feeling of shock." "Clare didn't feel she had the courage at the time to tell the children." "So I went to them." "Simon:" "My father's boat had been found, but he wasn't in it." "It was so different from the homecoming that we'd expected." "It was just like," ""This is the wrong story." "This is... this is not what's supposed to be happening." "This is..." "it can't be."" "Swinton:" "A British cargo ship found Crowhurst's boat drifting in the mid-Atlantic 700 miles from land." "Man:" "A surprise development tonight over the missing yachtsman Donald Crowhurst." "Crowhurst's trimaran, "Teignmouth Electron,"" "was found drifting and deserted." "He'd been a competitor in the Round-the-World yacht race organized by "The Sunday Times."" "Man #2:" "The pale blue weather-beaten trimaran, which was a certain winner of the race, was in good condition." "The mystery of his disappearance, therefore, is still inexplicable." "The film and his tape recordings may provide other clues, but for the moment, this lonely yacht without her lonely captain is not giving up any of her secrets." "Swinton:" "When the boat was brought ashore in the Caribbean," "Crowhurst's press agent Rodney Hallworth was there to meet it." "Hallworth:" "I went into the captain's cabin, and I remember saying to him that..." ""I don't suppose, Captain, we'll ever know the end of this saga, this riddle?"" "And I thought his face dropped a little and he said, "Well, I think we do, Mr. Hallworth."" "And he led me over to his desk, he unlocked a drawer and took out the logs." "We decided there and then that we would never tell anybody for the rest of our lives what had happened in the last hours of Crowhurst's life." "Swinton:" "In fact," "Rodney Hallworth had already sold the logbooks to a London newspaper." "And piece by piece, the truth of Donald Crowhurst's voyage was uncovered." "Clare:" "Rodney Hallworth stumped through the front door, and while I was sort of staring in amazement he said, "Donald didn't sail around the world and he committed suicide."" "And I think that is the most appalling thing to do to anyone." "I will never forget those words." "But that was Hallworth." "Hynds:" "No one likes to be conned." "We were sharp newspapermen and he conned us." "Kippered us." "I felt like a kipper." "Kerr:" "For me, it's all one regret." "I never did speak to Clare again." "I never could face her." "I felt I was party to it." "We were all party to it." "If only I had said," ""Don't go, Donald." "It's crazy."" "I should have said that." "Simon:" "He made the wrong decisions." "In a way, he turned the initial difficulties into something much worse... into a disaster for himself and for the rest of us." "But he was trying to do the best he could to get back to us." "And that's all he could do, really." "Clare:" "Everything angered me at that time." "Anger just boiled over." "And I blamed everyone and everything." "I feel that I failed." "I didn't stop him from going and I didn't help him when he needed it." "But people need to dream." "I think Donald needed that, and he had a right to have it." "Winspear:" "The crowd criticized him." "The crowd mocked him." "And I didn't want that to happen." "When somebody has risked and failed, and when somebody has fallen from the tightrope they've been walking on, somebody has to pick them up and give them a burial." "The best thing is that a friend should do that." "Don wanted to make a success of his life." "He just wanted to see a bright future for himself and his family." "In my mind," "I gave him a hero's... burial."