"When I was 5, my mom lost me in a park." "I don't remember much, except that one minute, I was riding the carousel, and the next..." "She was gone." "I'll be home before you know it." "It's good." "It's time." "I don't know, I just feel like I just got you back and now we're going again and I..." "I just have to stay here." "You're right." "You do." "You have to stay here." "Stay here." "Don't move." "Don't move." "Wait for me." "Wait for me." "I don't remember how I found her." " Richard!" " I don't remember how I got home." "Are you okay?" "All I remember is what happened next." "She told me not to worry." "She told me everything would be fine." "I'll be back before you know it." "Funny, isn't it, the way memory works?" "The things you can't quite remember..." "And the things you can never forget." "The carousel never stops turning." "Okay, Zo-Zo, walk a little faster 'cause we are late." " And who can never be late?" " Surgeons." " What happens if surgeons are late?" " People die?" "Right on, sister." "Hey, it's me." "I'm on the ferry." "I..." "I just wanted to say that, um..." " You're never gonna make your flight." " I'll make it." "No, you won't." "You're gonna miss your flight." "Who's that?" "Bailey?" "I'm not gonna miss my flight." "There was a huge accident on the 5." "All the lanes are closed." "The traffic is insane." "Now, why does Kepner make that sound like it's a good thing?" "We have a guy from the accident on our table." "Bailey and Kepner are sewing up all the holes in his gut." "I am repairing the un-repairable." "I am out-of-control amazing." "No, I am out-of-control amazing." "You are a guest in my guts." "Hush." "The point is you might as well turn around now 'cause you'll miss your flight." "I'm not gonna miss my flight." "I have a secret shortcut." "There are no shortcuts to the airport." " That you know about." " Come on." "I'm doing a spondylolisthesis today." "I'm saying if you head back now, I might let you..." "I'm gonna lose you here in a second." "Cellphone reception's bad." "Derek, are you still there?" "I can't hear you." "No, I said I'm gonna lose the cellphone reception." "It's bad here." " Amy?" " Derek?" "Derek?" "Amy, are you there?" "Lost him." "I'm doing 10 miles over the speed limit." "That's not fast enough for you?" "Gee." "Where's my ph... phone?" "Hey." "Ma'am." "Ma'am." " Winnie?" " My name's Derek." "Are you okay?" "Winnie!" "Winnie!" "Winnie!" "Winnie!" " Hey, I can't open the door." " Winnie!" " Ma'am." "Hey." " Winnie!" "Winnie!" "Hey." "What's your name?" " Sarah." " Sarah, who's Winnie?" "My... my daughter." "She's, uh, she's in the back." "She's not answering, and I don't know" " if she's okay." " Sarah." "Sarah," "I need you to stay calm, okay?" "Deep breaths." "Good." "Stay calm." "I'm gonna be right back, okay?" "Try not to move." " Okay." " Hey." "You Winnie?" "Is anything hurt, like your neck or... ?" "Is that why you can't talk?" "I think I'm dead." "Am I dead?" "Let me feel your wrist." "Well, you're not dead." "I can feel a pulse in your wrist." "You know what that means?" " What?" " It means your heart's still beating." "And you can't be dead if your heart's still beating." "You see, I'm a doctor, and I'm telling you if you ever want to know you're dead, feel your pulse." "I can feel it." "I'm not dead." " You're not dead." " I'm not dead, mommy!" "She's okay?" "!" "Okay, she's fine." "Do you have a cellphone in there?" "I need to call for help." "Uh, uh, yeah." "I see it." "It shattered, though." "It... it wouldn't matter, anyway." "I drive this road every week, and there's never any cell signal." "Okay, I'm gonna check on the other driver," " see if they have a phone." " You're leaving us?" "What?" "No." "I just said there's never any cell signal up here." " It's not gonna be different." " Sarah, I'm gonna check on them..." " I can't..." "I can't move." "I am stuck." " ..." "like I checked on you, okay?" "I'll be right back." " You promise?" " I promise." "Okay." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Hey." "Can you tell me your name?" " Alana." " Alana." " It's hard to breathe." " Okay." "All right." "Let's take a second." "You probably got the wind knocked out of you when you hit the ground." " Lucky you didn't hit the pavement." " Yeah." "ou feel any pain?" "I don't..." "I don't think so." " Does it hurt anywhere?" " No." "I'm not supposed to be here." "I have to go." " I..." "I have to go." "I have to go." " Careful." "Careful." "I have to call my mom." "Where's my phone?" "My phone's not working." "Why is my phone not working?" "Okay." "Listen to me." "Listen to me." "You're probably in shock, okay?" "You have a lot of adrenaline going through you right now." "There might be something wrong with you that you don't feel right now, so I need you" " to slow down." " Okay." "All right." "Can you tell me what day it is?" "Thursday." "I'm supposed to be at school." "In chem." "We have a quiz." " Is that why you were driving so crazy?" " I wasn't driving." "Who was driving?" "Charlie." "It's his dad's car." "Hey!" "Hey, Charlie." "Hey." "Stop." "Stop." "You okay?" "Yeah." "I'm fine." "Hey, let's get out of the road." "I don't feel good." " W... what happened?" " You were in an accident." "Hey, w... what happened?" " Um, let's get you out of this road." " I really don't feel so good." " What happened?" " Um, let's get out of the road." " Sir, d... do you know what happened?" " Yeah, you..." "'Cause I really don't feel so good." " No, no, no, no, no." " What... what happened?" "Charlie, I don't know what happened, Charlie." "I don't..." "Oh, my god, Charlie." "Look at your head." "Are you okay?" "Help me get him down." "What's wrong with him?" "Why isn't he saying anything?" "Charlie?" "He hit his head really hard." "I need to find a first-aid kit." "Oh, you got to be kidding me." "Okay, are you... you guys still doing okay in here?" " Yeah." " You're gonna get us out now?" "I need supplies." "What do you got in the back?" "Um, a first-aid kit..." "Winnie's backpack." "Okay, Winnie, it's safety glass." "It's not gonna hurt you, but I need you to get back, all right?" "Get back." "Are you gonna leave us here again?" "No." "Think you can climb out for me?" " Yeah, I can." " Be careful." " Can you make sure Winnie's careful?" " Okay, I got her." " Is she out?" " Yeah, she's out." "I'm out, mom." " I'm good." " Okay." " All right, Sarah, I'll be right back." " Not going anywhere." "I'm gonna get your mom." "Winnie, you think you can go down there and keep those two company?" "The people who hit our car?" "No, thanks." "I'm good to wait here." "There's bandages in here." "They could use them." "My mom's gonna be in a lot of pain, and you don't want me to see it." "No." "Yes." "I can deal with seeing stuff." "My dad died right in front of me." "We were fishing on the lake, and he had a heart attack on the boat and died." "Do you fish?" "No one's gonna die, Winnie." "You aren't God, so... you don't know." "I'll go wait with them." "Okay, Sarah, you ready?" "One, two, three." "God, I loved this car so much!" "It's the first new car that we ever had." "And..." "Boom, some rich guy in an overpriced midlife crisis just... you saw him, right?" "The guy that hit us?" "Total pig, right?" "It was a 17-year-old kid." "Crap." "Now I can't even hate him." "I bet his parents are awful." "All right, Sarah, I got to get you out of this car." "Listen." "Getting you out?" " It's going to hurt." "A lot." " Okay." "I know that I should be in pain, and, um, I don't know i... if it's shock or if it's that my leg hurts so badly that I almost can't recognize it." "Almost feels normal, so maybe it won't be so bad getting me out." "Sounds like you dislocated your hip." "Which means I got to get you out of this car." " Ohh!" "Okay." " Down on the ground, and then pop it back in the socket." " Okay." " All right." "I'm not gonna sugarcoat it." "It's gonna be horrible." "What happened?" "There was an accident." "What happened?" "There was a car accident, Charlie." "Ow!" "Are you okay?" "My stomach hurts." "Really bad." "I think I'm gonna throw up or something." "Where are we?" "We had a car accident, okay?" "!" "We had an accident!" " Okay, stop." "Please, stop." " I need to fix your leg." "No, let's wait." "Let's wait, uh, for help 'cause help's coming." "It's coming." "Sarah, the dislocation has cut off the blood supply to your leg." "If I don't do something, you could lose it." "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." " Please, please, please." " Okay." "Aah!" "Ohh!" " Good." " Ohh." "Thank god." " It's good." " I hate you." "Derek!" "Charlie's car!" "The car's on fire!" "Hey!" " Alana, run!" " What about Charlie?" "Get away from the car!" "Come on, Charlie, you got to get up." " Get up, get up, get up, get up." "Come on." " Aah!" "Aah!" "Come on." "Oh, my god!" "That explosion was huge." "Do you see all that smoke?" "Someone's gonna see it, and then that someone is gonna send some help." "It's like a smoke signal." "We're so rescued." "I'm not supposed to be here." "Okay, we just need to hang on for a little bit longer." " Is everybody okay?" " I'm not supposed to be here." "I'm a mathlete." "I take five A.P. classes." "I'm first chair on cello." "I have a perfect attendance record." "I haven't missed one day..." "not one day of school." "I'm boring." "Charlie Abbot's prom king." "He's in remedial math." "He's never even heard of A.P." "He's dumb and popular and totally gorgeous." "And this morning, he says, "you want to go for a ride?" to me." "So, the earth is shifting on its axis or something crazy because no way." "Charlie Abbott is not supposed to kiss me." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Mm, so something is wrong." "Some wormhole to another universe has opened." "I don't know, but now I am on a road because the car I was in just flew through the air and I just ran from a giant fireball and Charlie Abbott's brain is broken and my stomach is killing me." "So I am obviously not supposed to be here." "So, can someone please wake me up or wave your magic wand or click your heels three times or whatever so I can go home?" "Please." "Please." "What?" "What is it?" " Just look at my eyes." " What's wrong?" "Look at my face." "Look at my eyes, okay?" "I'm scared." " Okay, okay, just look at me." " Derek?" "Okay, we need to get her down on the ground." "Help me, okay?" " Just come with me right now." " Okay." "Easy, easy." "I just need to undo a button so I can look at your stomach, okay?" " I'm scared." " I know." "I'm not gonna go anywhere." "I'm here, okay?" "Look at me." "Look at me." "Look at me in the eyes." "All right, I'm gonna open up your pants so I can just see your stomach, okay?" "I just want to take a quick look." "I'm gonna take a look." "Ohh, god!" " Sarah." " Derek." "What's wrong with me?" "Is it my stomach?" " Is it bleeding?" " It's okay." " Am I dying?" "I want to know." " No, no, no." "You have a little cut in your tummy." "It's gonna be okay." "It's no big deal." "I can take care of it." " How?" " How are you gonna fix it?" "You don't know." "Oh, my god, I'm gonna die out here." "Can you stop saying that?" "It's insulting." "I don't let people die." "I'm very good at my job, even next to the roadside, okay?" "I'm thinking." "I'm thinking." "Sarah." "You have dry-cleaning in the car, right, Sarah?" "Yeah, I think so." "So, Charlie kissed you this morning." " Was that your first kiss?" " Yes." "Except for the guy who plays second-chair cello." "He doesn't count." "Why?" "It was just practice kissing." "So, should I be practicing?" " No." " Yeah, but she just..." "But how much trouble do you think she's gonna be in when her mother finds out what she's been up to today?" "She has a point." "I'm not your role model." "I don't think kissing Charlie was worth all this." "Every kiss before the right kiss doesn't count anyway." "I've kissed a lot of women." "The first time I kissed my wife, well..." "I mean, she wasn't my wife then." "She was just this girl in a bar." "And when we kissed, it... it was like..." "I got to tell you, it was like I never kissed any other woman before." "It was like the first kiss." "The right kiss." "Do you have a brother?" "It's a beautiful day to save lives." "What... what does that mean?" "Oh, it's just a thing I say." "Oh." " Do you hear that?" " Hear what?" "Hear that?" "They got our smoke signal!" " Yeah, they got our smoke signal." " They got us!" "I'll visit you first thing in the morning at the hospital, okay?" "Thank you." "Okay, watch your step." "Thank you." "Got to hand it to you, Doc." "Now go home and have yourself a drink." "You earned it." "Thanks." "She told me not to worry." "She told me everything would be fine." "Funny, isn't it, the way memory works?" "The things you can't quite remember..." "And the things you can never forget." " What do we have?" " Where should I start?" "A bad one." "Jerome Davis." "Blunt-force trauma, open skull fracture." "He keeps trying to die on us." " Let's get him inside." " Let's go." "No, no, no, wait." "What, no!" "Another one?" "!" "No, no, no, no, no." "We've already got that..." "that lady and her kid, the... the girl with the guts, and then that dude with the head injury." "When it rains, it pours." "Okay, it needs to pour somewhere else because we are not a trauma center." "We're not properly equipped for this kind of thing." "We don't have rooms." "You guys know that." "Make room." "What are we supposed to do with the guy?" "Look at him." "All right, fine." "This isn't on me." "John Doe broadsided by a semi truck." "Blunt-force trauma to the head, chest, and abdomen." "Persistent hypotension after two liters of saline." "Pulse is thready at 130." "You're not dead." " Just breathe." " I need four units of blood." "Scalp lac." "Probably multiple fractures." "Try to hold still." "John Doe." "Bad MVA." "Had to be extricated." "Positive loss of consciousness at the scene." "He's poorly responsive." " GCS of 10." " What's your name, sir?" "Can you hear me?" "Yes." "Yes, I can hear you." "Loss of verbal skills." " Possible bleeding in the brain." " His pupils are equal and reactive." "Good sign." "Still should get a C.T." "He's got a flail chest in the right." "I need a 36 French tube now." "Sir, can you tell me your name?" "He's still hypotensive and tachycardic." "Up to two fluid boluses." "He could be bleeding in his chest." "Hang two units of blood on the infuser." "I need a trauma panel and X-ray, and cross him for four." "And somebody page surgery again." " She's smart." "I like her." " I'm sorry." "This is gonna hurt, but we have to do it." "That must have hurt." "I'm sorry." "Can you please tell me your name?" "Can you tell me anything?" "Excuse me, Toby?" "Mom, I'm going to the bathroom." "Ask a nurse where it is." "Ow." "Yeah." "Right there." "I'm ordering a head C.T." "We don't know the extent of his head injury." "She's right." "You don't." "Look at the ultrasound." "He's bleeding into his belly." "We don't have time for a C.T." "Arrogant... because she's younger than you and probably because she's a woman." " I just think that..." " We don't have time for a C.T." "He needs to go straight to the O.R." "You have this." "Come on." "Don't back down." " I don't think we have a handle on..." " His GCS hasn't changed since he got here." "The C.T. can wait." "C-spine, chest, and pelvis films are up." "Derek?" "Winnie." "You shouldn't be in here." "You're not dead." "I know you're not dead." "Know how I know?" "'Cause I can feel your pulse, which means your heart is beating." "Your heart is beating, which means you're not dead, okay?" "Hey." "Eyes on me." "You stay not dead, okay?" "It's a beautiful day to save lives, right?" "So you stay not dead." " Where are you supposed to be?" " Is he gonna be all right?" "Whose kid is this?" "I'll deal with it." "I'm not dead." "I'm not dead." "That man... do you know him?" "Yeah, that's Derek." "Derek?" "Derek w... who?" "Is he a family member?" " A neighbor?" " He's my friend." "Okay." "Do you know your friend's last name?" "No, I mean, I just met him today." "He pulled me and my mom out of our car after the accident." "He fixed her leg, he helped Charlie, and he put Alana's insides back in." "He saved us." " He saved you?" " All of us." "He's a doctor." "He's a doctor?" "A surgeon, I think." "My head." "Look at my head." "Sedation, please!" "You need to calm down, buddy." " He's a surgeon." " Let's get a..." "He's a surgeon, and he just saved everyone from the car accident that just came through." "Doctor, we're gonna sedate you now so we can secure your airway." " You're gonna be fine." " No." "I'm not." "You need to wait." " Sux and etomidate in?" " Yes." "It's okay." "We've got you." "It is all gonna be okay." "This isn't right." "You should have taken me to get a head C.T." "His pressure's holding." "Maybe we should get the scan." "Yes, listen to her." "Too risky." "He could bottom out in the scanner." "We need to open him up." " Find the source of the bleeding." " No, you don't." "You have the time." " We have to work fast, people." " I'm stable." "Guys, I'm stable." "Take me to get the head C.T." "Let's set up for an ex-lap." "Coming through." "I'm going to die because these people aren't properly trained." "One, two, three." "He's hypotensive." "Start him on pressors." "Betadine." "I can't feel my arm." "What is happening?" "Ready to put him under." "No, I have a head lac." "Don't miss." "Don't miss!" "The colon's avulsed." "We'll need to resect and create a temporary colostomy." "Well, it's better than being dead, I guess." "He's got a grade-2 splenic lac." " Meredith would leave it." " Let's leave it." "Check the four quadrants." "And she'd double check the retrohepatic space." " Make sure to check the retrohepatic space." " Not bad." "Crap." "Dropped his sats." "Decreased breath sounds on the right." "Check the test tube." " The test tube looks good." " Check it again." "Crap." "He's got a huge hemothorax." "We have to open his chest." " Thoracotomy tray." " No, don't." "Just wait." "See how much blood comes out." "It'll probably stop." "Just wait!" "Scalpel." "He's still hypotensive." "I can't find any lung laceration." "Hilum's intact." "He's not bleeding in his chest." " This makes no sense." " We're missing something." " Set up for a T.E.E." " Not that." "That's not what you're missing." "Persistent bradycardia." " Check my head." " I don't understand what the hell is..." "He had a head lac." "Check his pupils." "His right pupil is blown." " Page neurosurgery right freaking now." " We did." " Then page them again." " Then page them again." "Any word?" "The neurosurgeon was at a dinner." " Dinner?" " Dinner?" "He said he'll be here in 20 minutes." "It will be too late." "Damn it." "Where the hell is he?" "Page him again." "Thank god." "What the hell have you people screwed up now?" "Us?" "You're on call for trauma." "What took you so long?" "Who the hell are you?" "Your response time was supposed to be 20 minutes." "It wouldn't have made a difference." "If you guys had ordered a head C.T., you would have called me sooner." "What am I supposed to do about that?" " We needed to control." " He was bleeding into his belly." "He was stable." "You had the time." "Now I've got to work like hell to save this man, thanks to you." "There's no point." "You were supposed to be here in 20 minutes, not an hour and a half." " We had a chance." "He had a freaking chance." " Get out of my O.R." "What?" "You heard me." "Unless you're gonna be cutting into this man's head, you can get out." "Now." "Now!" "I'm gonna scrub in." "Someone pull in the craniotomy tray." "We've already wasted enough time." "It's too late." "You're too late." "Hey." "What did you do?" "Oh, I did what I always do, except I almost killed myself doing it." "Don't make jokes." "I was scared." "No, don't be scared." "I'm not going anywhere." "Come here." "Mm." "I'm right here." "Ma'am?" "Ma'am?" "Ma'am, is this the home of Derek Shepherd?" "It is." "He's my husband." "I'm afraid there's been an accident." "Could you come with us, please?" " Are you okay?" " I c..." "I..." "I can't just go." "I... what am I supposed to do with my kids?" "Blood." "It's just blood." "Meredith, don't be afraid." "Don't be afrai... 911." "What's your emergency?" "My mommy tried to kill herself." "Dr. Grey." "Dr. Grey, I can't..." "We can't tell you how sorry..." "I am so sorry for your loss." "Dr. Shepherd was a tremendous surgeon... t... tremendously gifted." "I've long admired his techniques." "I..." "It..." "Was an honor." "The call to not get a head C.T. was a bad call." "We're not a" " trauma center." "We're a teaching hospital." " You did the best you could." "Ma'am?" "I thought that if this was a good time," "I might take a moment to explain how this all works." "Where are the papers?" "Mrs. Shepherd, there's some things you need to know... some things we need to discuss." "Difficult things." "I'm a doctor." "Dr. Grey." "I'm a surgeon, just like my husband was." "I know how this works." "You've waited the requisite number of hours, and now you can officially declare him dead." "Normally, you'd talk to me about organ donation." "But by the looks of his chart, there's not much left that works to donate." "So, the I.C.U. needs a bed." "Those must be the papers... the papers you want me to sign to decide what to do with my husband..." "Now that he's dead, but not really dead." "Do we ship him off to a long-term-care facility and cross our fingers and hope for fairy tales and magic?" "Or do I pull the plug?" "And stop all curative intervention?" "Discontinue all routine monitoring, remove all the catheters, drains, and tubes, end any and all treatments that might provide comfort to the patient." "Terminate all... life-sustaining measures  and behave as any sane doctor would behave." "Does that about cover it, Doctor?" "Is that what you want to talk to me about... while I sit here with my sleeping children?" "You want to talk about killing my husband?" "Give me the papers." " Ma'am..." " Give me the papers!" "I'm so sorry." "I know that that's useless to you right now." "But I am." "He saved all those people." "And it was my job... to save him." "And I failed." "And now... he's gonna die..." "Because I was not a good enough doctor  to keep him alive." "Yeah, you're right." "You did fail." "You weren't good enough." "But do you know what tomorrow is?" "It's Friday." "There's gonna be more patients who come in who need you to save them... someone's mother, someone's kid, someone's husband." "They need you to save them because they can't save themselves." "So learn from this, better yourself, and you will be better for next time." "What if I'm not?" "You will be." "How can you know that?" "Because he was your one." "Every patient you treat, you're going to see my husband's face and remember that he was the one that died on your watch." "He will haunt you." "The hard ones always do." "And it only takes that one." "But that one will make you work harder, and they make you better." "Or they make you quit, and you don't get to waste what would have been the rest of my husband's life being a quitter." "So get back inside because you're not saving any lives out here." " I really am so..." " Yeah, I know." "I know." "There's a social worker out there with my kids." "If this takes a while..." "We got them." "Don't worry." "I just need the papers." "We're gonna begin now." "You can sit next to him." "Wait." " Ma'am..." " Just wait!" "Derek." "Derek." "So, what's your story?" "I don't have a story." "I'm just a girl in a bar." "I'm just a guy in a bar." "Want to go again?" "I love you, Meredith Grey." "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you." "You're the love of my life." "I can't leave you." "You were like coming up for fresh air." "It's like I was drowning, and you saved me." "I'm in love with you." "I've been in love with you forever." "So, um, goodbye." "Um..." "Derek." "Derek." "Right." "Meredith." " Meredith." " Yeah." "Mm-hmm." " Nice meeting you." " Bye, Derek." "Derek." "It's okay." "You go." "We'll be fine." "Are you ready?" "No." "But go ahead."