"♪" "HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, SIR." "AH." "THANK YOU, MARGARET." "[ SLURPS ]" "HEY, MARGE, CAN YOU GET ME A LATTE WHILE YOU'RE UP?" "PLEASE AND THANKS." "OF COURSE." "NOW, I THINK YOU ALL KNOW THAT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU" "IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF THIS TEAM." "WHICH IS WHY THIS LAST ANNOUNCEMENT" "IS FOR EVERYBODY HERE." "CHANNEL 6 IS LOOKING FOR A FRESH, EDGY NEWS SEGMENT," "SOMETHING WITH "WOW" FACTOR," "SOMETHING THAT SCREAMS WEEKLY." "NOW, AS I SAID, THIS AUDITION IS OPEN TO EVERYONE." "JUST, UH, GIVE US YOUR FOOTAGE IN THE NEXT THREE DAYS," "AND THE PERSON WE CHOOSE GETS THEIR OWN WEEKLY SEGMENT!" "HERE'S YOUR LATTE." "OH, LIFE-SAVER." "WELL, FRANK, CHOPPER 6 HAS BEEN FUN," "BUT IT MIGHT BE JACKIE'S TIME TO SHINE." "I AM GUNNING FOR THAT WEEKLY NEWS SEGMENT." "I MEAN [LAUGHS] I'M CERTAINLY DESERVING OF IT," "SEEING HOW I HAVE NEVER MISSED A DAY OF WORK," "NOT TO MENTION THE TRAFFIC-Y AWARD I WON." "WELL, I THINK MARGARET WOULD HAVE A SHOT" "IF SHE TRIED OUT." "WHAT?" "!" "NO, I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN HERE THAT LONG." "I MEAN, IT WOULD BE AMAZING." "BUT THERE'S NO WAY I'M READY." "YOU THINK I WAS READY WHEN I STEPPED ON CHOPPER 6" "FOR THE FIRST TIME?" "I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE MY PILOT'S LICENSE," "OR MY CONTACT LENSES," "BUT I FLEW HER ANYWAY." "DON'T STOP YOURSELF FROM PURSUING YOUR DREAMS." "WELL, I REALLY WOULD LIKE THAT SEGMENT." "WHAT'S THE HARM IN TRYING?" "THAT'S MY GIRL!" "[ LAUGHS ]" "BUT YOU HAVE YOUR LICENSE NOW, RIGHT?" "LET'S GO HOME." "WELL, THERE COULD BE PLENTY HARM IN TRYING." "FRANK, FRANK?" "OKAY, SO THEY'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING" "WITH A "WOW" FACTOR." "YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEAS THAT ARE, LIKE, "WOW!"?" "MAYBE GO CEREBRAL, LIKE WITH A THINK PIECE." "MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE, "HMM," YOU KNOW?" "'KAY." "WHAT ELSE MAKES YOU GUYS WANT TO WATCH THE NEWS?" "THE CAR CHASES!" "YEAH." "AND, THEN, WHEN THE COPS ARE ALL LIKE..." "Both:" ""OUT OF THE CAR, DIRTBAG!"" "[ BOTH IMITATE GUNFIRE ]" "YEAH, DIRTBAGS -- THAT'S IT!" "I'LL GO UNDERCOVER" "TO CATCH ALL OF THE DIRTBAGS AROUND THE CITY." "Smith:" "UNDERCOVER REPORTER?" "YEAH, LIKE WITH DISGUISES AND HIDDEN CAMERAS." "I WANT MY SEGMENT TO REALLY HELP PEOPLE, YOU KNOW?" "I'LL CALL IT "MARGARET ALWAYS MAR-GETS THE BAD GUY."" "I'M NOT LOVING THE NAME," "BUT I LOVE SEEING THAT FIRE IN YOU, ANGEL." "SAY, FRANK, LAST TIME I CHECKED," "THE MORTALITY RATES FOR UNDERCOVER REPORTERS WAS, UH, PRETTY HIGH." "YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SEND YOUR LITTLE ANGEL OUT INTO THAT MESS?" "IT MAY BE A LITTLE DANGEROUS, BUT I BELIEVE IN MARGARET." "YOU KNOW, THE STATION HAS AN ANONYMOUS-TIP HOTLINE." "I THINK THAT WILL GIVE YOU A LEG UP ON YOUR STORY." "YEAH, THAT HOTLINE GAVE ME A GOOD TIP" "ON STEROID USE IN THAT CURLING CHAMPIONSHIP." "IT GETS THE DEL SEAL OF APPROVAL." "OH, DEL, YOU HAVE DONE IT AGAIN." "[ GROANS ] COME ON, RING." "[ SMARTPHONE CHIMES ]" ""ANY TIPS YET?"" "[ SMARTPHONE CHIMES ] [ LAUGHS ]" "[ SMARTPHONE CHIMES ] WHOA!" "[ TELEPHONE RINGS ] HELLO?" "[ Distorted voice ] I've got a lead for you." "Meet me at the parking lot on the corner of Elm and Highland." "I'LL BE THERE." "[ CAT YOWLS ]" "[ WHISTLES ]" "UH, ARE YOU " "YOU EVER HEARD OF CHEEZER'S?" "UH, YEAH." "THIS IS A CORPORATE E-MAIL STRAIGHT FROM THE TOP." "YOU EVER HEARD OF A VEGETARIAN SANDWICH" "WITH MEAT IN IT?" "WHAT?" "!" "THE CHEESE HAS BEEN COMPROMISED." "♪" "Man:" "CAN I HELP WHO'S NEXT?" "Margaret: [ Old lady's voice ] OH, HELLO," "YOU WHIPPERSNAPPER." "I HOPE YOU TAKE SENIOR DISCOUNTS HERE," "SEEING AS I AM ONE." "OH, WE DO, MA'AM." "I CAN'T WAIT TO EAT ONE OF THOSE VEGETARIAN SANDWICHES." "SAY, YOU HAVEN'T STARTED PUTTING MEAT IN THOSE," "HAVE YOU?" "OH, UH, NO, MA'AM." "HAT'S FUNNY," "[ Normal voice ] 'CAUSE THIS SAYS DIFFERENTLY." "MARGARET ALWAYS MAR-GETS THE BAD GUY." "DO YOU WANT TO ADD SOME JALAPEÑO ZINGERS" "AND MAKE IT A MEAL?" "WHAT?" "!" "NO!" "THIS IS THE NEWS!" "I GOT YOU!" "YOU GOT GOT!" "HEY, LET ME SEE THIS." "OH, YOU SHOULD CHECK YOUR SOURCES, LADY." "THIS IS A PRETTY OLD CAMPAIGN." "SEE?" ""CHEEZER'S USES GRADE-A MEAT..." "LESS PRODUCTS!"" "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT!" "[ LAUGHTER ] NEXT." "[ GROANS ] THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING." "I'LL HAVE TO GO TO THAT CHEEZER'S ACROSS TOWN NOW." "[ TELEPHONE RINGS ] HELLO?" "[ Distorted voice ] It's me." "YOU!" "THIS BETTER BE GOOD." "YOUR LAST TIP WAS A BUST." "CHEEZER'S WAS CLEAN." "That's what they want you to think." "Anyway, forget about Cheezer's." "I've got something better." "Tomorrow at 10:00." "You know where to find me." "HELLO?" "WHERE ARE YOU?" "OVER HERE." "IN THIS DUMPSTER?" "NO." "THE OTHER DUMPSTER." "AH." "EVER HEARD OF, UH, GAMBLING?" "YES." "WELL, WORD ON THE STREET IS" "IS THAT THE LOCAL PARK MANAGER" "IS USING TAXPAYER MONEY" "TO RUN A GAMBLING RING INSIDE THE PARK." "OKAY, NOW YOU'RE DEFINITELY WRONG." "I KNOW THOSE GUYS," "AND THERE'S NO WAY" "THEY'RE RUNNING A GAMBLING RING." "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU." "WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL BELIEVE THIS." "FOLLOW THE MONEY." "YEAH, THIS ONE IS THE BEST GAMBLER IN TOWN." "Skips:" "NICE." "HOW MUCH DID HE RUN YA." "COUPLE HUNDRED," "BUT I GOT SOMETHING OUT OF IT." "READ 'EM AND WEEP." "HO, HO, HO!" "DOES HE COUNT CARDS?" "DOES A FULL HOUSE BEAT A STRAIGHT?" "[ BOTH LAUGH ]" "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, SWINDLERS!" "HUH?" "!" "HUH?" "!" "MARGARET ALWAYS MAR-GETS THE BAD GUY." "MARGARET?" "IS THAT SOME SORT OF BAD CATCHPHRASE" "I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH?" "I DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT," "BUT YOU TWO ARE RUNNING AN ILLEGAL GAMBLING RING" "ON TAXPAYER MONEY." "THIS MONEY IS JUST THE REBATE I GOT" "FROM BUYING "THE GAMBLER," OUR BRAND NEW LAWNMOWER." "BUT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT COUNTING CARDS." "YEAH, EMPLOYEE I.D. CARDS." "[ LAWNMOWER BEEPS ] Man:" "ONE." "[ MOTOR WHIRS ] NO KEYS." "[ GROANS ] WELL, YOU'RE NOT GETTING AROUND THIS ONE." "EXPLAIN THIS PICTURE." "OH, THAT'S FROM OUR COMMUNITY CASINO NIGHT." "WHY'D WE STOP DOING THAT AGAIN?" "FINE!" "YOU'RE NOT GAMBLERS." "I WAS WRONG AGAIN!" "Mordecai:" "WE COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THE PARK DOESN'T HAVE A GAMBLING RING." "I KNOW." "I JUST WANTED THE SEGMENT SO BADLY," "I TALKED MYSELF INTO BELIEVING THAT TIP." "NOW WHAT DO I DO?" "MAYBE YOU COULD DO A SIMPLER SEGMENT," "LIKE A COOKING SHOW." "YOU MAKE A MEAN POUND CAKE." "HE SAID THEY WANTED "WOW" FACTOR," "NOT "HMM" FACTOR." "[ SMARTPHONE CHIMES ]" "[ GASPS ] IT'S THE TIPSTER." "THIS IS WEIRD." "HE'S NEVER TEXTED ME BEFORE." "♪" "[ Distorted voice ] GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT." "I GOT A REAL GOOD ONE THIS TIME." "EVER HEARD OF COFFEE?" "[ SIGHS ] YES." "I'VE HEARD OF COFFEE." "WELL, THEN, MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF THIS COFFEE SHOP." "THEY'RE NOT SERVING REAL COFFEE." "ALL THEY BREW ARE LIES." "WOW." "THAT'S YOUR HOP TIP?" "IF YOU GO IN THERE AND ORDER A LATTE," "I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND -- A LATTE?" "I'VE WORKED THERE BEFORE, AND NOBODY ORDERS LATTES." "WHAT'S YOUR GAME?" "IF YOU DON'T WANT MY TIP, THAT'S FINE." "I'VE GOT A LOT MORE PEOPLE TO TIP OFF." "I'M JUST A REGULAR, ANONYMOUS..." "[ Woman's voice ] TIPSTER." "WAIT!" "SAY THAT AGAIN." "UH, NO, I WON'T." "SCRAM!" "[ GASPS ] JACKIE CARMICHAEL!" "THINK I'M GONNA LET YOU WALTZ RIGHT IN" "AND TAKE THAT WEEKLY SEGMENT OUT FROM UNDER ME?" "I WON AN AWARD ONCE." "I'M NOT LOSING OUT TO FRANK'S LITTLE GIRL." "I THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS WEIRD ABOUT YOU," "WHICH IS WHY I RECORDED EVERYTHING ON HIDDEN CAMERA." "[ GASPS ] ONCE I UPLOAD THIS FOOTAGE" "TO THE NEWS STATION'S HARD DRIVE," "IT'S GAME OVER FOR YOU." "[ WHISTLES ]" "[ TIRES SCREECH, HORN HONKS ]" "FLOOR IT!" "[ TIRES SQUEAL ]" "I'LL SHOW YOU WHO DRINKS LATTES!" "[ TIRES SQUEAL ]" "♪" "THIS IS BAD!" "JACKIE'S NOT GONNA LET US GET TO THE STATION ALIVE." "WE JUST GOT TO GIVE THIS FOOTAGE TO THE STATION." "IT'S UPLOADING NOW." "[ GRUNTS ] YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE MESSING WITH!" "I EARNED THAT SEGMENT!" "JUST KEEP THE VAN STEADY." "I'M GOING LIVE." "MR. SAMUELSON, PLEASE, DON'T CUT ME OFF." "WHAT THE -- I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD," "BUT TRUST ME, THERE'S A STORY HERE." "SHOULD I CUT HER FEED?" "NO, UH, WAIT." "SEE WHERE SHE'S GOING WITH THIS." "Margaret:" "WEINTERRUPTTHISBROADCAST" "FORSOMEBREAKINGNEWS." "CHANNEL6 NEWSREPORTER JACKIECARMICHAEL" "ISCURRENTLYENGAGED INA HIGH-SPEEDCHASEWITHME." "WHAT?" "!" "IAMBEINGPURSUED BYMS.CARMICHAEL" "BECAUSEI AMIN POSSESSION OFEVIDENCE" "THATWOULDNO DOUBT RUINHERCAREER." "I'VEALWAYSDREAMT OFBECOMINGAREPORTER" "BECAUSETHENEWS INFORMEDPEOPLE." "ITHELPEDPEOPLE." "AREPORTER'SDUTY ISTODELIVERTHE TRUTH," "NOTTWISTIT  FORTHEIRPERSONALGAIN." "THAT'SWHY I'MRISKINGEVERYTHING" "TOSHOWPEOPLETHE TRUTH." "HANG ON, SWEETIE." "[ COMPUTER BEEPING ]" "WHATYOU'REABOUTTOSEE" "ISACTUALVIDEOFOOTAGE OFJACKIECARMICHAEL" "GIVINGFALSEEVIDENCE ANDTWISTINGTHETRUTH," "ALLTOGETHER OWN  WEEKLYNEWSSEGMENT." "[ GRUNTS ] [ GASPS ]" "SHE'S ON THE ROOF!" "AAH!" "[ TIRES SCREECH ]" "[ GROANS ] I AM CURRENTLY BEINGTOSSEDBACKAND FORTH!" "LET'SCHECKIN WITHTHE DRIVER TOSEEHOWTHINGSAREGOING ." "IT'SOKAY." "ITHINKWE SHOOKHER ." "OH!" "AAH!" "OH,MYGOSH,OH, MYGOSH , OH,MYGOSH!" "[ SCREAMS ]" "OH, MAN!" "[ GASPS ]" "HEY, JACKIE, REPORT THIS!" "[ GASPS ]" "IF MARGARET SURVIVES THIS," "SHE IS GETTING HER OWN SEGMENT!" "YOU, YOU'RE " "AN AWARD-WINNING REPORTER AND ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE." "YES." "YES, I AM." "I WAS SENT HERE TO INFILTRATE AND DESTROY LOCAL NEWS!" "IN MY TIME, IT IS THE ONE BLEMISH" "ON OUR UTOPIAN SOCIETY." "A BLEMISH?" "THE LOCAL NEWS PROVIDES AN IMPORTANT SERVICE" "TO THE CITIZENS OF EVERY CITY." "OH, YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT TRIPE, DO YOU?" "THE NEWS IS MOSTLY JUST PEOPLE READING THE INTERNET ALOUD." "IT IS HOLDING HUMANITY BACK." "IF YOU'LL JUST GIVE ME THE FOOTAGE," "IT'LL BE LIKE THIS NEVER HAPPENED." "HELP ME COMPLETE MY MISSION, MARGARET." "HELP ME DESTROY LOCAL NEWS AND ENTER AN AGE OF PROSPERITY." "♪" "HERE." "TAKE IT." "YOU'VE DONE THE RIGHT THING, MARGARET." "MARGARET?" "YOU KNOW, JACKIE," "MARGARET ALWAYS MAR-GETS THE BAD GUY." "I'M STILL NOT LOVING THAT NAME." "HUH?" "[ Screaming ] NO!" "Both: [ Chanting ] DIRTBAGS!" "DIRTBAGS!" "DIRTBAGS!" "GO, MARGARET!" "WHOO!" "THUMBS-UP, MARGARET." "WE GOT A SEGMENT!" "WE USED TO DATE." "I DIDN'T KNOW CHOPPER 6 HAD MISSILES." "WELL, WE ONLY HAD THE ONE," "JUST IN CASE SOMETHING LIKE THIS MIGHT HAPPEN." "ANYWAY, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, HONEY." "ALSO, DID YOU KNOW THAT JACKIE WAS A ROBOT?" "I DIDN'T." "I REALLY DID NOT." "WELL, YOU DID GREAT." "SURE, THAT CAMERAMAN DIED" "AND THERE WAS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF DAMAGE" "DONE TO THE HIGHWAY," "BUT YOU PROVED THAT LOCAL NEWS IS PRETTY NEAT." "♪"