"Missed you at lunch today." "You had a quickie with professor hot stuff?" "It's Michelle, how did you know?" "There's a gold star on your fly." "You weren't kidding." "Nice to have a girlfriend with humor and one who recognizes good work." "Let me teach you the chords." "See, that's "g"." "The most important chord." "In my mind, it stands for "god"." "Why is Annie talking to micro-nipples?" "Vaughn?" "Whatever." "But not like a bible god, cause I think god is in everything." "You're complicated." "Annie" "Annie, where are you going today?" "Spanish class?" "Spanish" "You know what I don't get?" "He never wears a shirt." "He never wears shoes." "Why hasn't he died from lack of service?" "Watching another movie tonight?" "Kickpuncher, starring Don "the demon" Donaldson" "Cyborg cop whose punches have the power of kicks." "That sounds awful." "I'll bring the popcorn." "You watch bad movies on purpose?" "Yeah, we make fun of 'em." "Don't embarrass yourself." "They don't want to invite a housewife." "Actually, if she doesn't mind reinforcing the stereotype," "She would have fun talking smack at a movie." " You join us?" " When a movie's bad," "I stop watching, but this sounds college-y." "What time you want us there?" "Pierce, you don't wanna watch a cyborg movie in Abed's dorm." "You wanna lay on your twin bed and think about what you used to be." "What?" "You think I'm too old to make monkeyshines at a picture show?" "I'm younger than the three of you put together." "Everyone talks about his nipples, but his feet freak me out." "Can I ask you something... about Vaughn?" "Still don't know if that's his first or last name." "He's sweet, actually." "I mean, you must have thought so." "He has a sincerity I found attractive in a simpler time." "Would you..." "I haven't..." "We haven't... anything." "I mean..." "Wow, you and Vaughn." " Would it bug you?" " What about you and Troy?" "The other day after Spanish, I thought he tried to hold my hand, but he'd just mistaken me for Abed." "He'll never think of me that way." "Well..." "I would have to be a villain to tell you who to date, which I am not." "Thank you!" "You're the coolest girl I've ever met." "Damn right!" "Give me some fivesies." "Turning it into a snake." " Feygnasse Team " ".:" "La Fabrique :." "1x15:" "Beginner Pottery" "How's it going?" "Did you hear?" "It's cute, Annie and Vaughn." " Get to the cute part." " She's into him." " She asked for my blessing!" " And you gave it?" " Yeah, I'm done with him." " It's not about you, groovy hipster." "It's about Annie." "We're like her Greendale parents!" "You gotta say no to that stuff." "He's not that bad." "Not if you're 28 and fooling around with him." "She's 18." "Her taste in men is still being established." "Creepier and creepier dudes will start thinking of her as an option, and it all starts with Vaughn." "A gateway douche bag." "People collide, things happen." "It can't be controlled, right?" "And that can be your toast at her shotgun wedding to Star-burns." "Yeah, turn to your left." "Now turn to your right." "Yes, we can see both of them." "Like a constellation on your face." "What's up, dude?" "That guy over there, he's a douche bag." " Hey, guys." " Hola." "You don't mind I invited Senor Chang." "We're Netflix friends." "Cool that you're hanging out, drinking beers with your students." "Clearly, none of my other plans fell through." "Let's get to the movie." "Wait, sorry Shirley." "I'll wait if you wanna serve beverages." "You gonna be waiting a long-ass time." "FBI warning..." "I'm so scared!" "That's not fair." "I didn't know we started." "It is the year 2006 a.d., and nuclear war has ravaged the planet." "I must have missed that." "Nice." "... is a free-fire zone ruled by scavengers, drug dealers, and terrorists." "Sounds like a thanksgiving at my house." "That's pretty crazy." "They just come to me." "You guys wanna buy some mega dope?" "It gets you mega high." "Will it get me through this movie?" "Shirley is in the house." "Freeze, police!" "Freeze police?" "Don't do that, they'll get cold." "You have done so much for our city." "Kickpuncher, is there anything that we can give you?" "Two hours of my life back." "Don't call me Kickpuncher." "Call me David." ""Directed by Kim Yang."" "Asian..." "Can't direct, can't drive." "Dude, I'm right here." "Right there." "So..." "Clearly we're all a bunch of funny people." " When are we doing this again?" " Well actually..." "Tomorrow we'll get together to watch Kickpuncher 2:" "Codename Punchkicker." "I was just warming up tonight." "Tomorrow you better foam the runways, 'cause I'm bringing my "a" game." "Awesome." "He's got her in some kind of hippie collar." "I can hear her armpit hair growing from here." "We got to do something." "Even if I agreed with you, what are we gonna do?" "If we disapprove, we'll drive her into his hemp-braceleted arms." "We need to be smart, hatch a scheme." "Hatching schemes is not my wheelhouse." "Let's not confine to your wheelhouse." "It won't respond to tap dancing or casual revelations that you spent time in New York." "If you get upper east side about this, we're done." "Hey, Winger, check out Annie." "Somebody just went to the top of my "to do" list." "OK, we need to hatch a scheme." "Thank you." "It's all very simple." "In Annie's world, long before Vaughn, she only had eyes for Troy." "So if Troy becomes a real option," "Annie will drop Vaughn in a hippie's heartbeat." "Crash course in manipulation..." "You don't actually tell the person what you want them to do." "You help them realize they want to do it so it can't be traced back to you." "Chemistry... sexy." "You know what else is sexy?" "I know chemistry is sexy." "But Annie?" "I don't see it." "Every other guy on campus does." "You really don't see how pretty Annie is?" "Maybe cause I knew her in high school, before she dropped out." "She had braces, acne, a pill addiction, a nervous breakdown ending with her running through a door, screaming, "everyone's a robot!"" "I see what's happening here." "I want you to clear your head." " Done." " I'm gonna describe to you a complete stranger who happens to be in our study group." "Would you excuse us for a moment?" "No kidding." "Come on, you gotta be exaggerating." "Oh, man." "And she's jewish?" "I can't believe I didn't see that." "I guess she deserves another shot." "Wait, never mind." "It's too late." "She's hooking up with Vaughn." " Only to make you jealous." " What?" "She's in love with you." "She's with Vaughn to get your attention." "You have to give it to her now, right?" "Sure." "But the point is, we're not telling you what to do." "Yeah, you didn't hear it from us." "I have the weirdest boner." "I saw you die." "How can you be alive?" "I guess it's just a bad day for drug-dealing terrorists and a good day for..." "Kickpuncher!" "All right, guys, you hear that pause after "and a good day"?" " What do you got?" " A good day for a nutritious breakfast." "I don't get it." "It's a good day for a terrible movie." "A good day for hair products." "Buzz, how many times can you keep going to that well?" "Come on, guys." "I'm starting to wonder if you deserve to call yourselves a community college sketch comedy troupe." "Told you, on movie night, I need to blow these punks out of the water." "I need Phyllis Diller-grade stuff." "Wouldn't you rather just watch a movie with your friends and have a good time?" "What are you, my third wife's therapist?" "What if he said, "it's a good day for... "" "and you said, "for being gay"?" "You're a genius." "He likes gay jokes." " What?" " I said we write great jokes." "Don't flatter yourselves." "It's me, Troy." "I don't know where Abed is." "I could try calling him." "Not looking for my other half." "I'm looking for you, girl." "Let that sink in for a second." "You know, I never noticed how... beautiful you are." "Troy, you're being weird." "Sorry it took me so long." "They made me find a shirt." "Vaughn, you remember Troy." "We went to high school together, he's in my study group." "What's up, man?" "Hi, bro." "I'm not your bro... bro." "Actually, everyone is my bro in the entire universe, everything's connected..." "Rocks, eagles, hats." "Some things are more connected than others, like tarantulas and me peeing my pants..." " Or me and Annie." " What?" "Wait." " Troy, what?" " Tell him." "That you love me since high school." "What?" "Is that true, mountain flower?" "I never wanna lie to you," "I will tell you I did have feelings for him, but it's over, I swear." "You're swearing?" "Like Britta swore she didn't like Jeff and then gave him my poem so he could laugh at me with that Sherri Shepherd lady?" "It's happening again." "Your study group is evil." "And you don't deserve ice cream." "He's a baby." "Where were we?" "I like him." "Why would you do that?" "Come on." "Everybody knows you want a cut of the T-Bone steak." "Jeff and Britta told me how you feel." "Jeff and Britta did what, now?" "You're even hotter when you're angry." "Let's do this." "Red Shoe Diaries..." "I think you know I have a thing for butt stuff." "To Annie's inevitable breakup with Grodie J. McConaughey." "And to her and Troy." "We did the right thing." "They belong together." "Plus, their babies will be so cute." " Why you say that?" " Come on." "Babies are extra cute when their parents are..." "Both cute?" "You want kids?" "We'll see." "Put on something nice, and find me after lunch." "Thanks for involving in my love life." "That was cool and mature of you." "Since you're both clearly idiots, I should probably let you know that" "I'm being sarcastic." "Thanks for taking ugly Annie out of the palm of my hand and turning her into yet another hottie that will never get with me!" "Thanks for eating all the macaroni!" "Shut up, Leonard." "Nobody knows what you're talking about." "I did eat all the macaroni." "It's messed up that he knows." "Let's light this candle." "Who's ready for some kickpunching?" "We decided to watch Runaway instead." "Tom Selleck fights mechanical spiders." "What?" "You can't." "We just watched Kickpuncher." "We have to see Kickpuncher 2." "I have many unanswered questions." "I want to watch Tom Selleck fight mechanical spiders." "My brother died on the set this movie." "One of the mechanical spiders... just went haywire and tore him to pieces." "Tom Selleck just stood there." "He just stood there and watched him die." "Okay, then let..." "Let's watch Kickpuncher 2, then." " Sorry for your loss." " That's messed up, dude." "Kickpuncher 2." "My punches were only as strong as my punches, and then things changed." "Change?" "Time to change the channel." "He's gonna be begging for change, if he keeps making movies this bad." "Change this to something good." "This movie stinks." "We better change his diaper." "A change we can believe in." "Something strange is happening." "What do you mean?" "I'm making jokes during the movie." "But you're doing it with the speed and the determination of the incomparable Robin Williams." "I'm that brilliant." "I think you came prepared." "Dude, even I know you're lame, and I'm a tenured professor sitting in a beanbag chair." " You're not a professor." " Shut up." "Fine!" "You got me." "I did a little advance work." "Pathetic?" "I'll tell you what's pathetic, you sitting there making fun of other people's work." "You don't feel good about yourselves, so you tear down everything." "Mama Chang didn't breast-feed?" "She read it wouldn't make a difference." "You all sicken me!" "And I will no longer participate in your destructive, negative behavior." "Pierce, that was deep and total b.s." "This isn't about us, it's a deflection, cause you can't get a genuine laugh." "That in itself is a laugh." "I know I'm funny." "I don't need any of you people to validate me." "I'm sorry." "Biggest laugh of the night." "Then I was gonna say, "it's a good day to be gay"." "We're sorry." "We were worried about your well-being." "I guess we feel like we're sort of all a family, and Jeff and I are like... your Greendale parents." "You're not my mom." "She'd never wear boots going that high." "And what about respecting me as an adult and as a friend?" "You want to be treated as an adult and a friend?" "Try not dating your friend's ex." "Find your own man." "But you don't like Vaughn." "No, I don't, but I also don't like seeing him with anyone else." "I asked you if you cared, and you said no." "Fine, I cared." "I'm a girlie-girl." "I like boys." "I don't like when they're mean to me, and when they stop kissing me and start kissing my friends." "I'm not that cool." "I'm not "Juno", homeslice." "This is what it was about?" "You were jealous?" "Please, you can't tell me that you weren't jealous that Vaughn had his hippie hands all over your debate/makeout partner." "What are you insinuating?" "I took that kiss for the team." "What?" "That kiss wasn't for pleasure." "It was strategic and joyless." "What?" "You did get weirdly specific when you were describing Annie's body." "More specific than the stuff you told me about Britta?" "What?" " Does anyone get specific about me?" " Check your email." " I'll mark you as spam." " Who the hell is Pam?" "First, we were wholesome and healthy as the family in The Brady Bunch." "Now we're dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of The Brady Bunch." "I agree with Abed." "This is getting creepy." "No more creepy than when Jeff wears tight jeans and you say," ""i'd like to slap those buns on the grill."" "What?" "I don't talk like that, and where I'm from, it's normal for women to talk about their male friends' backsides." "You don't see me saying anything crazy about Abed and Troy's." "They're jealous." "All right, maybe we're not a family." "Maybe it's more complicated." "Because unlike a real family, there's nothing to stop any one of us from looking at any of the others as a sexual prospect." "Why are we even talking about this?" "Because you started having sex with Britta's ex-boyfriend." "What?" "We haven't even kissed." "That doesn't mean you're not having sex." "Vaughn told me he would take things as slowly as I wanted." "He likes me for who I am, and I like him." "Do you guys hear that?" " Old man river." " Eat me." "Did you get my messages?" "I threw my phone into the river." "I thought that, if I can't be with her, who am I gonna call?" "And then I thought, well, my landlord, my sister, and... you." "Anyway, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, and... this is something I really need to say." "I see you when you smile" "And I want to sing a song" "But then I write the words" "And they always come out wrong" "They come out wrong" "I feel it in my fingers" "I feel it in my toes" "But then the words get frozen" "In my mouth like eskimos" "I like your nose" "Annie's song" "His songs are dumber than he is." "Yeah, but they're honest." "I'll be right here." "Vaughn wants to show me a cloud that looks like a pumpkin..." "If that's okay." "Annie, it's more than okay." "Please date Vaughn." "Or anyone else outside this creepy circle." "I wouldn't hang out with you guys if you were creepy." "Trust me." "I have good taste." "So just to be clear, I don't have a shot with any of you?" "I am kickpuncher." "My cyber punches have the power of kicks." "I am punchkicker." "Meet your match." "I love you, kickpuncher." "The only thing beyond the reach of my fists is humanity." "You're sure Britta couldn't do your part?" "I asked her." "She wasn't available." "Let's go film the sex scene."