"FILMEXPORT HOME VIDEO Presents" "BURIAN THE FIBBER" "Story by Screenplay by" "Director of Photography Music by" "Set Designer / Film Editor Sound Editor" "Cast" "Directed by" "Produced by" "The Fibberg Castle belongs to one of the descendants of the famed Baron von Fibberg." "The legend says that the present lord's great-grandfather had died a dramatic death." "Killed by his own great lie." "This lie caused a precious bowl above his head to crack and kill him." "Since then, no one has dared to lie either in the room, or in the near and far surroundings of the castle." "I shot this stag straight in the heart that day, by a single shot, he kept on striding for a little while, then he dropped and..." " Mr. Patocka!" "You don't believe me, eh?" "You're wondering." "What though!" "So, I don't know who shot him, do I?" "Nobody wants to believe that I got a bear on our hunting grounds either." "And nobody believes that I used to see the White Lady around here." "It's gospel truth, I'm telling you, as my name is Patocka." "I don't need to tell lies, old boy." "I've seen so many things here that it makes one's hair stand on end." "Look!" "Acar without a driver." "Ugh, that scared me." "I arrived safely at last." " We saw that, sir." "The car went dead not far from here." " You don't say!" "Could I wash up a bit somewhere?" "Indeed." " And I'm hungry and thirsty." "Come on in, hospitality is our pleasurable duty." "Aha, the baron is coming." "Good God!" "The baron is coming and I'm supposed to be with the pigeons." "All is ready, your lordship, the weather is magnificent." "Why are you showing me that!" "I can see that for myself." "I want to know if we have enough clay pigeons." " One thousand, baron." "Splendid." "I'm bottled up like the Leiden jar." "Who's tending to the pigeons?" " Gamekeeper Patocka, baron." "Ah, Patocka?" "!" "You shouldn't have put him there." "I suspect that fellow was born drunk as a lord." "Give me the rifle." "Thank you." "Ready, Patocka?" " Ready, sir." "So, you're going to the castle?" " Hem." "Trout will be served at dinner." "An exquisite delicacy." "I will dine at the castle." "Are you staying there overnight?" " Hem." "You're not a tourist, then?" " No, I'm the secretary." "The new secretary of the baron!" " Hem." "Just a moment." "Wait a moment, please." "God heavens, what then..." "For heaven's sake." "Bring the chateau, quick." "Thirty-two." " Yes, please." "You're from the castle, you must get the best." "Else the baron'd flay me." "No difference to me, I'm not a connoisseur." "There'll be a hunters' session here today." "Maybe the baron will come." "Prizes will be awarded." "The baron usually wins the first prize in pigeon shooting." "He's an excellent shooter." "Pull!" "Pull!" "Don't do this to me." "I could stamp." "And when I stamp, it means that I'm very angry." "Pull!" "What was that?" "That was my hat, baron." "You always have to do something foolish, Patocka." "You're such a poor slob that where you set foot grass doesn't grow for ten years." "I think you've set foot on Kucera's head over there as well." "Each shot was a hit, baron." "That's a matter of course." "Yet I hope that you didn't count in Patocka's hat." " That was outside the competition." "What time is it?" "Half past three, sir." " Correct." "Father, you're a marvelous shooter." " Indeed, I am." "And what should you do, when your papa is a marvelous shooter?" "Very well." "All right." "Listen, Charley, it's half past three." "Do you think that Emma is gone?" "She is to leave at five o'clock." " At five?" "Let's hope she's not late." "Emma, you must save me." "Emma, you must save me." "I am your best friend, aren't I?" "You are and my only friend." "Only you know my secret." "Look, if Count Kocharowski should demur after reading it or wished to do something inconsiderate and he is capable of such, you know him well." "I did know him." "As a lieutenant, he was a brilliant man." "A ghastly character, though." "He left me in my darkest hour and now, after so many years, he acknowledges his son." "Perhaps his conscience was stirred." " And what about ruining my life?" "If my husband should learn..." "Emma, darling, you must talk to him." "Tell him he's insisting vainly that I know nothing of the child." "Good God, if Archibald finds out!" "The carriage is ready." " I'll be right there." "What if he asks about the child?" " Tell him the truth, then." "That after birth, the child was left with one lone woman." "And at the same time, another young girl was in the same situation as me." "But her lover was a character, he didn't leave the girl." "And the child..." " Was it a boy as well?" "Yes, a boy, but he died." "The dead boy's father made a mistake and took my boy with him to America." "It's such a complicated history that I cannot explain it in a letter." "Why don't you tell him that the child died?" "I don't want to lie." "Especially not here." "Besides, let's get out of here." "You see, if anyone lies in that room, a plate falls from the wall." "Archibald never lies, though." "Can you imagine what he would do, if he found out my secret." "He's such a virtuous man and me..." "But you were no doubt absolutely faithful to him since then." "Even if you still look great." " Just before the summer holidays, when I went to Prague for Charley, a young man kept following me at every step." "Is she leaving?" " Yes, she is ready to go." "Embus her up quickly to make sure she doesn't change her mind." "And tell the gardener to cut me some flowers for her." "It can be a goatsbeard, some clover and particularly adder's tongue." "I took the liberty to cull some flowers for you, miss." "Thank you, that's very kind of you." " We'd throw it the rubbish, anyway..." "And for you I've brought a rose from your favorite bush." "You're such a dear, kind..." " Watch the parting, please." "I must tell you what happened later." " What?" "I don't want you to miss the train." " There's still plenty of time." "So, what happened?" "You're scaring me." " Just imagine..." "Charley, go to your room." "That's nothing for your ears." "You are still a child." "Remember the gardener's daughter?" " Yes, she was away for some time." "Yes." "Well, she has..." "Ehm, eh..." "It makes my face..." "Er, how do you say it?" "It's like the three of a kind in poker." "Flush." " It makes my face flush." "She has a real baby with our flyman, 7 pounds." "Isn't that terrible?" "What's so terrible about that?" "It's a normal baby." "Oh yes, indeed." "Normal." "But what if the parents aren't wed?" "We resent such things." " You see, that's just my Archibald." "Yes, that's just me, her Archibald." "I don't want you to miss the train." " I'm afraid I must leave now." "Thank God." "Er, thank God the fly is ready." "Emma will go in the fly?" " It's faster than the chaise." "Forgive me for not seeing you off, I must get changed." "Bon voyage, good-bye." "Darling." "Ronald!" "And just imagine that such an angel would suspect something." "Well, he is rather finical." " He is as strict with his daughter." "Charlotte is twenty-two and no man had a chance to get closer to her." " I beg your pardon, but she studied art in Prague." "And she was alone for a long time." "Yes, she was alone." "She was literally alone." "I assured myself during my visits." "That child doesn't know what a man is." "Is she leaving?" " Yes." "Thank heavens." "If the uniforms could only talk, what you mean, Ronald?" "Each one commemorates a victorious chapter in my lord's life." "My youth's proud livery." " Thy youth's proud livery, as Shakespeare says." "What's all that Shakespeare business of yours about?" "Forgive me, my lord," "I remembered the times we spent in the army." "Oh yes, then I was a rosy-cheeked, curly-haired boy, when I timidly fell in love with Comtesse Aranka." "I had so many curls that I had to put a towel on my head to keep the parting in place." "But Tatiana was more temperamental." "She got in to my hair so swiftly that I had to snub her not to tousle my parting." "And then we were forced to leave to another garrison." "We were transferred to Timisoara." " Oh, Timisoara." "The gypsies..." "I was as lively as a cricket." " Your lordship is still lively." "Don't adulate me, Ronald, we were much livelier then." "Pardon me..." " What is it?" "I beg leave to remind your lordship that it's the third today." "That means that it's two days after the first, doesn't it?" "Yes, but..." " Didn't you receive your pay or what?" "On time as usual." "But the matter is rather discreet, my lord." "Oh yes, hide it and first lock the door." "This time, it will be two more less fortunately, as they have grown out of alimentary age." "Is it so?" "Well, time flies." "Which two?" "The first is Karl Hosek from Poplin, Monica's son..." "Harmonica..." "What?" "What's that?" "Monica's son." " I thought you said harmonica." "Son of Monica, daughter of Sergeant Zachariah Hosek, resident ibidem." "So, Karl Hosek is done, eh?" "Did you delete him?" "Yes." "The other is Emil Kunes, the son of Vera Kunes from Poplin." "Where is he from?" " From Poplin." "I have Goblin here." " My lord, I will..." "I don't know what this is." "Should I delete this?" " Yes, sir." "Continue." "So, those left in Poplin are Tadeas Sudek, son of Elsa, the daughter..." "Of the teacher?" " Of the teacher." "And then Peter and Paul Linda, they are twins, my lord." "Oh yes, Peter and Paul, there's two of them, I know." "The twins of artiste Vilma Arday, called Viola del Mare." "I used to call her Calamari." " I know." "And then there is one boy in Rusava." "Do you have him?" "Yes, I have a boy in Rusava." "And milliner Springer has a daughter in Mutov." "Does she?" "Thus, all together we have six heads for a thousand per month." "Look, send two thousand instead." "Alright?" "As you wish, my lord." "How shall we book the increase?" "Let's say for a good cause." " How is that?" "Well, it did me good then." "Charley." " Yes, daddy?" "I've been wanting to have a serious talk with you several days." "Why are you so ceremonious, daddy?" " I must explain something to you." "Look, Charley, you are at an age, when it is the duty of the father to talk to his daughter about all the dangers lurking about." "Nothing ever lurked for me." " Yes, all right, I know." "Look here." "Ayoung man will come to our house." "The new secretary." "But he will come to you." " Yes, correct, he will come to me." "Yet you must admit I can't prevent you two from occasional contact." "What contact?" " Look, Charley," "I can't lock you in the cellar or in the attic." "In short, people meet one another, the man bows, says: "At your service"..." "And I say: "Thank you"." "And I'll slap you, 'cause you mustn't say that." "You must avoid him." "Well, and one evening you go to the woods, the moon is shining and it could easily happen..." " That one could catch a cold." "A cold also, though usually, one gets very hot, even flames out, and this is something to guard against." "I know how it is, I was..., I mean I heard about it." "Poems are declaimed." " Poems?" "Poems." "I know one, maybe." "I'll tell you, wait." "You're beautiful as a blossom, so tender and so meek." "I wish to touch your cheek and to fondle your bosom..." "Something like that, I don't know, how it goes on." "In short, before you know it, you get a kiss and your dress rips." "I don't understand why a stranger should kiss me." "I would be surprised if he didn't." "By and large, you must keep your distance, then you'll steel yourself against any danger." "That's all I wanted to say." "I'm worried about you, Charley." "You know that you're quite naive, daddy." "I'm almost amazed how you could become a father." "That's none of your business." "Just take care of yourself." "Good-bye." " Good-bye." "My husband is on a ride, he was expecting you earlier." "The car went dead on the way." " It went dead?" "Completely." "I mean the carburetor has a small defect." "The carbu?" " Retor." "I'm sorry, I know nothing about it." " Neither do I, unfortunately." "So I left the car at the restaurant." "Look, mama, what I've got." "Two ladybirds." "They kept flying around me and then they sat on my hand." "They must be a couple in love." "A couple in love." "If papa should hear you." "This is the new secretary, Mr..." " Ernest Benda." "How do you do." "Ronald, show the secretary to his room and explain everything." "When my husband arrives, he'll call you." "If you'll excuse me." "Farewell." "It was midnight and I was on my way from the pub." "You were already on your way from the pub at midnight?" "I was." "And as I was walking I see..." "Look." "Look, a horse without a rider." "I hope the baron isn't pushing it from behind." "Listen, is Rex home already?" " Not yet, baron." "He'll come." " Certainly, sir." "I don't know what's wrong with the horse these days." "As I was riding, something scared him, he suddenly stopped and froze," "I spurred him on, he pranced, his ears back, I was on the ground and then I lost him out of sight." "But he'll come back." "That's the baron's great-grandfather." "The founder of the Fibberg Castle." "That's the baron's great-grandfather." "The founder of the Fibberg Castle." "He looks very warm-hearted." "As a man with a good sense of humor." "Oh, he was a jolly man." "Yet, he died a tragic death." "Right in this room." " You don't say!" "Blimey, I always catch the carpet with my spur." "It's so annoying." "I don't know how it happens." "Ronald." "Where's Ronald?" "Off with it!" "Hurry!" "I'm dragging it behind like a..." "Allow me to introduce myself." "Ernest Benda." "Ah, you're the new secretary." "All right." "Welcome in my house, I hope you are satisfied here." "I'll do my best to earn your confidence in me, your lordship." "Is that some book on economy?" "No, that's Shakespeare." "Othello." "He's catching on fast." "I shall introduce you to my wife at dinner." " Oh!" "Charley." " Yes, father." "Allow me to introduce our new secretary." "I had the honor to meet your daughter, sir." "Hem." "He's not wasting time, eh?" "I'll see you at dinner." " Your lordship." "Charley, what I was telling you today about men does not apply to this one." "Because men with glasses are not dangerous." "I couldn't wait to see you, darling." "We haven't seen each other for a fortnight." "Believe me, two weeks without you were like eternity." "We must catch up on everything, Lottie." "I was so worried whether you are accepted or not." "How did you do it?" " I took all the other applications and gave him only your letter." "And I told him that you must be a fine man according to your handwriting." " I hope you didn't tell him that I'm your husband." " Of course not." "Yet, I'm afraid we can't keep it secret for long." "If it were up to me...!" " Hush!" "If it were up to me, I'd go to your father and tell him the truth." "Oh no!" "If he found out now, he'd throw us both out." "I should've spoken to your father before." "I heard it's usually done this way in such cases." "That would be useless." " Then, with your mother at least." "You know I followed your mother a few times, when she came to visit you and I wanted to tell her about us, but I didn't have enough courage." "We can't go on like this any longer." "Take me somewhere, where we can be alone." "I must speak to you without being disturbed." "Go." "We can talk here." " Don't be silly." "That's my room." "But we must talk somewhere." "You can write me a letter." "You ought to get changed for dinner now." "Please, go." " Look, I had..." "Come soon to dinner, darling." "I must go to the Castle Inn later." " I'll be right there." "What are you doing here, sir?" "Good evening, it seems I've mistaken the door." "But fortuity brought you in my way." "You must listen to me, madam." "Sir, you have been following me almost at every step in Prague and now you dare to come here and accept the position of a secretary." "Pardon me, but why shouldn't I accept a job with your husband." "Don't put on such an innocent face." "I know what you're up to!" "If you know what I'm up to, I can open my heart and tell you, what I wanted to reveal in Prague." " Here, in my husband's house?" "We must meet somewhere else, then." "But I must tell you!" "What impudence!" "It may be impudent, yet my courage is driven by my affection." "And you shall certainly understand such affection." "Sir, your conceit far exceeds your impudence." "I am not conceited at all, but I know it." "And I have proof of returned love, madam." " You are insane." "If love is insanity, then I am insane." "Do you know how I suffered!" "?" " Hush!" "During the time of our separation?" "Leave at once or I will tell everything to my husband." "You must, just a little later." "You are mad." " I'm not." "When you contemplate everything and assure yourself that I didn't fell in love out of egoism and that I want to make the person I love happy..." " Oh my..." "You'll look differently at me." "Madam, my life is in your hands." " Very well, but go now, will you?" "I will." "And I am happy that I told you everything." "I mean that I finally told you everything." "Oh my." "Ronald, didn't you give me a sleeve instead of a collar tonight?" "No, it is the collar your lordship always wears with the dinner jacket." "That's interesting and I feel like looking from the first floor." "Look how it..." "I won't be even able to bend." "You see, I can't even reach the plate." "Can you see that?" " Yes." "And I was so looking forward to the dinner that we would be alone without Emma." " Hullo, it's me." "Surprised, aren't you?" "Just imagine, baron, that I was half a minute late for the train." "Isn't it bad luck?" "We may say it's tremendous bad luck." " I must stay here until tomorrow." "I'll see Olga and I'll be right back." "You'll wait for me here, won't you?" "I'm terribly hungry." "I'll tell her I'm here." "You'll wait, won't you?" "Certainly." "Ronald, tell the baroness not to wait for me with dinner." "Tell her in some gentle way that I ran off." "My God, what are you doing here?" " I missed the train." "And what if Count Kocharowski does something inconsiderate?" "Don't worry." "Tomorrow, I will go to his house straight from the station and settle the matter." " Be so kind and don't forget." "Do you know who's here?" " Who?" "The young man, who kept following me in Prague." "He declared his love." " That can't be true!" "Really?" "It is so." "Good evening." " Good evening." "Where should I sit?" "Here?" " The baroness sits here." "I see, so..." " The comtesse sits here." "The comtesse sits here." " Yes." "Are you certain?" " Quite." "Your place is here." "Aha, thank you." "I WILL COME AT NIGHT" "My lady, his lordship..." "This is my husband's new secretary, Mr. Benda." "Miss Emma Lindova." "Sit over there, Emma, so that we can chat." "The baron apologizes, he has urgent business tonight." "We shall dine without him." "You sit over there tonight, Charley." "If you please, sir." "Please, sir." "Is there anything wrong, secretary?" " Nothing, madam." "Ronald, put those flowers away, will you?" "Gentlemen..." "Gentlemen..." "Patocka." " Yes, baron." "Should the cuckoo cry out once more, shoot it." "You have my permission." "Gentlemen, I thank you awarding me the first prize for the third time." "Your recognition brings tears to my eyes and makes my voice tremble." "Yet I must tell you sincerely that you have made me most happy and that you have decided rightly." "Patocka, put it somewhere safe so that it doesn't break... into pieces." "Let's us drink now to the health of the larded..., ehm, awarded." "Cheers!" " Cheers!" "I'm surprised my hand is still so firm." "It doesn't shatter." "I can shoot a red admiral in full speed." "In witness of my shooting skills you can see the trophies hunted down by myself." "However, the head over there did not die by my hand, it was sent down by my grandfather." "By two shots." "It was a record." "But that's an unbelievable story." "Would you be so kind and tell us the story, baron?" "All right." "Well, I must tell you that my grandfather could shoot like no other." "Mind you, there were no such guns as the Lancaster back then." "My grandfather had a rifle called the Muscatel." "One day he was walking through a forest mountain pass and tired from the day-long shooting he was refreshing himself with cherries, which he picked for that purpose." "As he was walking and eating, everything went suddenly dark." "A stag appeared in the pass, so big that a removal lorry was small as a baby pram." "How could that be?" " My grandfather didn't hesitate, took the rifle from his shoulder, aimed... click." "And it didn't fire." " It wasn't loaded." "At first, grandfather thought that the barrel was jammed." "He looked into the barrel and it was clear as a mirror." "He didn't lose his nerve, he quickly reached into his knapsack." "The last cartridge was inside, unfortunately without a shot." "Oh!" "The stag stood still and looked sadly into grandfather's rifle." "He remained calm, put a cherry stone into the cartridge, loaded the rifle..." "Bang!" "He shot him in the antlers, the stag pranced and roared..." "The stag leaped over him and before he knew it, he was gone." "The stag I mean." "Now we're getting to the interesting part of the story." "Some five years later, grandfather found himself in the mountain hunt." "As he was walking through the forest, all of a sudden he saw a cherry tree in blossom striding to and fro." "It's not a common sight, gentlemen, to see a tree in blossom walk from one place to another." "Grandfather was stalking the hiking tree, until he came to blade." "Er, a glade." "And he saw a miracle." "The giant stag, with a beautiful cherry tree growing between the antlers from the stone." "Just in blossom then." " So, he brought him down, didn't he?" "Far from it!" "Grandfather thought:" "I can't ruin such a beautiful tree in blossom." "So what did he do with it?" " What did he do?" "He waited for the cherries to ripen and then brought him down." "Good night." " Good night." "That's splendid, sir, where did you learn it?" "When I served in the army." "I can do other instruments as well." "And could I ask you to show us something, sir?" "As you wish, I'm in a good mood." "Make your choice." "How about a zither." " Very well." "The forester will be so kind." "That was nothing." "I'll play the cello now." "I must attune it, though." "That's enough for now." "But, baron, one more, please." "All right, the last one, a xylophone." "What are you doing?" " You wanted me to shoot it." " You're dead drunk." "I beg your pardon, sir, but the gun fired by itself." "It couldn't fire by itself." "Guns must be handled with care." "You shouldn't take it like this and..." "See?" "I didn't aim and hit the target." " You did!" "Secretary." " Yes?" "You shouldn't have done that." "What if it got into the hands of the baron?" "I hope that the baroness..." " Burnt it." "That's good." " The baroness warns you that it's vain effort." "You must leave." " But I've just arrived." "I know that this job is only a pretence." "Stop ruining family happiness, find someone else." " Someone else?" "That's impossible." "You are young and a bachelor." "You are a bachelor, aren't you?" " Me?" "I am." "You're married, sir!" " Who told you that?" "That plate over there." " What plate?" "Are you married?" " I am." "There's only one thing left to do." "Apologize to the baroness and leave before the worst comes." "I'll apologize to the baroness, if you wish, but I cannot leave." "Who is it?" " It's me." "I beg you to leave." "I wanted to apologize, madam, the note was..." "Leave at once." "Charley, darling..." "Why didn't you sit at your place?" "Me?" "When?" "Where?" " At dinner." "I left a note under the napkin, your mother found it, read it and now, she wants me to leave immediately." " I won't let you." "I'm not going anywhere." "I'll never abandon you." "Put the ring on your finger." "I'm your husband again, who shall call out with pride for the whole world to hear:" "You are my little...!" "You're my little, sweet Charley, whom I will always call Lottie." "To the left, my lord, to the left." "I know, for heaven's sake!" "I know." "Should I take a compass?" "What are you doing?" "Am I to lay an egg?" "I thought your lordship wishes to sneeze." "I'm smelling the summer breeze." "I won this." "And it made me so happy that I'm on close terms with the verger." "But, my lord..." " That's not all." "Then I slipped under the table and someone was already lying there." "We were introducing ourselves and I felt so uncomfortable." "Ronald, make that drink that my lordship always drinks, when coming home a little bit late." "As you wish, my lord." "Sleep, honey, sleep, you will sleep and I'll be awake." "Good night, Lottie." "My lord..." "My lord..." "Your refreshment." "Good refreshment, good." "Here, sir." " Ah, I thought you were greeting me." "Listen to what I tell you now." "Sit down." "With your permission." "And turn on the light." " Yes, my lord." "Are we alone?" " Absolutely." "You won't believe what happened to me on my way from the Castle Inn." " What, my lord?" "Shh!" "You won't believe, what I tell you now, Ronald." "Well, I'm on my way from the inn..." "As usual, you know." "And I want to whistle a merry tune." "As I want to start whistling, I suddenly realize that I hear a strange snuffle behind me." "It was so strange that I got..." "At first, I thought it was me." "But it wasn't me." "Dear me!" "I turn around and I see a live bear behind me." "Oh dear!" "I didn't believe it, you know." "I looked back quickly..." "I looked back, my eyes gloating..." "And I shouldn't have done that." "It made the bear very angry, I saw him get up on two legs, you know, showing his teeth..." "I didn't have my rifle, nothing, so I..." "Every advice would be helpful." "I didn't know what else to do than to run, you see?" " Yes." "I know all the roads, but I don't know what got into me, because I ran in the direction of the Fibberg dell." "Fortunately, a purse lay across the edge, you know." "Er, I mean a spruce." "So, I am climbing that spruce hand by hand with the bear behind." "He kept following me and I was looking, if he's getting closer." "Suddenly, I had the idea to look in front of me..." "And there was a second bear!" "I recognized it was a female from her teeth and she went to meet the male." " Oh dear!" "Just image, one bear on one side, the second one on the other side, me in the middle and an abyss under." "What did you do?" " What could I do?" "I let them eat me." "I hope I didn't say that much, grandpa!" "Charley is snoring tonight..." "It must be the strong air." "I can't let you in." " Ha ha..." "Why can't you let me in?" "That's good, really." "Good evening, darling." "Good evening." "Why can't you let me in, darling?" "I was reading." "Poems." "Poems?" " Shakespeare." "Shakespeare..." "That's interesting, everybody reads Shakespeare around here." "I must have a look at him myself one day." "Charley, I can't..." "It can't go on this way, something has to happen." "Ernest, you must persuade mamma." "But I told her..." " Why don't you try being romantic." "Make up some terribly sentimental story from your childhood and make tears come to her eyes." " Are you sure it will help?" "Definitely." " I'll make something up, I will lie." "Not in the dining room, though." " Why not?" "You mustn't lie there." " Is that so?" "It makes grandpa angry and he drops plates." "So it was grandpa." "I was thinking, who was..." "Think of something and write me." "Do you love me?" " I do." "Write it down." "My one and only..." "Love of my life." "That's the last straw." "I beg your pardon, madam." " Leave this instant!" "I cannot leave without my beloved woman." "I see you didn't understand my tortured heart." "I did." "And that is why you must leave." "Find another love, without obstacles and make her happy." "Happy..." "Me and happiness?" "Me, a piteous orph..." "Let's go elsewhere." "The air is stuffy here, madam." "Let us leave." "My lady, Miss Emma departed to the railway station on time and hasn't forgotten anything." " Very well, Ronald, thank you." "I hope I'm not boring you, madam?" "The story of my life is terribly sad." "What life can a miserable orphan have?" "You're an orphan?" " I am." "That's quite sad." "Tell me about your childhood." "It should make you feel better." "I hope I won't bore you with a story of a piteous foster-child?" "What?" " Afoster-child." "Oh no!" "Very well, then..." "I was born in Europe, yet I saw the sun only in America." "In America?" "How come?" " I was only three weeks old when I left Europe, so I... couldn't see much then." "Only face to face with the Statue of Liberty I opened my eyes and cried:" "So, this is the land of endless opportunities!" "Hip hip!" "If I'm boring you, though..." " Quite vice versa." "You narrate it so charmingly." "So, you came to America..." "Yes, I've spent my childhood there." "Heavens, what I lived through there!" "One would hardly believe, how sad my memories are, madam." "Tell me everything." "As you wish." "Well, my father was a gold digger." "A wild fellow, as all men of this kind, as you've no doubt heard." "Once he got into a row during a game of backgammon with his friend, some Mr. Bill Gunman." "My father kept winning, when a shot suddenly sounded and he was lying in blood." "Bill?" " Not Bill, my father." "Just imagine, madam, that the bullet bounced back from the wall." "Nothing doing, my father fell and winced on this..." "I mean on the floor." "I hope I'm not boring you." " Not at all, continue." "To continue..." "There's not much more to say." "Well, there was the funeral..." "The funeral was simple, yet moving." "His loyal buddies, gold diggers, sang camp-fire songs." "But my mother, that poor woman, she was left standing in the middle of the desert with a baby in her hand, just imagine, madam, without friends, without money and help." "Every day, she went to nearby woods to collect coconuts there and we fed on them." "You ate coconuts already as a child?" "I mean mummy ate the coconuts and I got the milk." "It was quite nutritious." "Couldn't your poor mother look for some job?" "She did, madam, she was looking for a job as a typist." "But none of the cowboys in the neighborhood had a typewriter!" "And one evening a band of gangsters kidnapped me." "I was stolen, madam." "What terrible fate!" "Dreadfully terrible." "I hope I'm not boring you?" "No." " I don't want to." "So, my mother was looking for me all over America." "On foot." "And fortunately, one Friday morning I managed to escape from the band." "I'm running and at 7.30 am I run around Niagara Falls." "Suddenly I slip and fall...!" "I'm falling!" "Grasping the hand of someone leaning over the cliff..." "And do you know who's hand that was?" "My mother's hand." " Your mother's?" "Mummy!" "She pulled me up and dried me!" "She was searching..." "Pardon me." "She searching my body and then, she cried:" "Yes, you are my son!" "You have a birthmark!" " A birthmark..." "You have a birthmark?" " I do." "On your left shoulder, don't you?" " What?" "Indeed, on my left shoulder." "The size of a pea!" "As you wish, the size of a pea." "What's the matter?" "I think I'm going to faint." " Oh dear!" "It's better now." "Now leave me, I must pull myself together." "You'll learn everything later." "For now I have a single wish." "For you to be happy." " Really?" "I must speak to my husband first." "That's very kind of you, I'd never expect that from you, madam." "Enough." "From now on you will call me "mother"." "Oh, mother!" "My... my dear son." "Go now and leave me alone." "I must prepare for a difficult task that awaits me." "Go." "Mamma!" "Charley." "I've just spoken to the new secretary." "He is such a nice, good man and he has suffered so much." "You must love him." "Are you serious, mamma?" " Quite." "As you wish." "What is this!" "You're running as if a cluster of bees is chasing you." "Damn it, the doctor said that my spurs are too sharp, so I had them blunted and Rex threw me out of the saddle anyway." "I think his back is ticklish." "Archibald..." " Yes?" "I must tell you something very serious." "You're frightening me." " Emma left..." "Oh my!" "At last!" "Thank God!" "Fin..." "Save himself who can!" "Tell Ronald to let loose the dogs!" "Get them angry!" "Send them after her!" "Count Kocharowski is here." "That can't be true." "Didn't you give him my letter?" "I did." "Wait, I'll tell you everything from the very beginning." "When I came to the station, the express from Prague just arrived." "And whom do I see get off the train, it was Count Kocharowski." "That's terrible." " It could've been worse, but for me." "I went to him, took him to a restaurant and I reasoned with him." "But he wouldn't change his mind." "He said that his family can't die out." "All at once!" "He didn't care about his son all his life and now he wants to take him away?" " How could he take him, if you don't have him here?" "I do." "He is here." " Who?" "My son." " What?" "Yes, it's the new secretary of my husband." "Did he tell you himself?" " No, he doesn't know." "And what about your husband?" " Neither does he." "But I'll tell him." "When Emma leaves, you'll escort her to the station, give a hundred crowns to the engine driver and ask him on my behalf not to stop anywhere until Prague." " Yes, my lord." "What are you looking for?" "My lord, I must confess." "I had a terrible accident." " What happened?" "I lost the diary with the children somewhere." "Oh my!" "Good Lord!" "It would be bad." "If the baroness found it!" "You must find it at once." "She's coming." "I must have a talk with you." "Avery serious talk, darling." "You are shivering, darling." "What's wrong?" "Come and sit down." "Very well." "You can begin now." "If I only knew, how to begin." "Should I help you?" "My dear Archibald." " So, you've got to the beginning." "Don't joke about it, please, the matter is too serious." "It can't be that serious, can it?" "We have been married for fourteen years." "Time flies, wouldn't you say?" " And a happy marriage cannot do without love..." " Indeed, love." "Faithfulness..." " Faithfulness is foremost." "And mutual trust." "One can't do without trust!" "And tolerance is essential." "The strength to forgive." "Of course." "One must forgive." "Yet, courage to speak the truth is indispensable." "Yes." "The truth is a beautiful thing." " Yes, because the truth always emerges like oil on water." "Darling, couldn't we talk about the oil elsewhere?" "Be so kind." "Darling, we're halfway from victory." "What did you tell mother?" "She was crying and she told me to love you." "Then do so!" " I do!" "All there's left to do now is to speak with your father, but that's no obstacle, that will go smoothly." "One should never lie!" " And what if one of the spouses entered into wedlock with a lie?" "The spouse should have enough moral strength to confess and purge of it." " That is correct, clean up..." "I think purging is necessary." " Besides, we are merely people." "It is human to sin." "We were young, hot blood was flowing in our veins." "Indeed, it was so hot one could boil an egg in it." "Allurement and temptation waiting at every step." "Yes, at every step." "One sometimes couldn't avoid them." "Thus, one sinned." "And it is not good to keep it secret forever." "One has to find courage for a sincere confession." "But if one spouse confesses, the other spouse should forgive him generously." "Even if such sin of youth did not remain without a consequence?" "There's always a consequence." "Otherwise, we wouldn't be discussing it here." "Look, the best thing would be to draw a big line over the past." "Let's talk about something else, eh?" " No, Archibald." "I didn't come to the worst, yet." " What more is there?" "What if the past, which we deemed dead, comes back to life suddenly in front of our eyes?" "When the seed of our sin appears before us?" "Well, you must jump into the sea and swim, that's that." "Stop joking." "In brief, the spouses are happy there's not more of it, they throw their arms around each other and the matter is settled." "Shall we go?" "However, in this case the situation is most displeasing for both of us." " Why is that?" "He is in the house." " Who?" "The child." "What child?" "Your new secretary." "Ernest Benda." "Benda?" "Benda?" "That's not possible." " I assured myself." "Talk to him, if you love me." "That child suffered too much." "He had to eat coconuts." "And he almost drowned in the Niagara." "Benda..." "B, b, b..." "B." "Benda." "I don't have him here at all." "If only Ronald found the diary, he would have him booked." "It was in autumn." "The fog was thick as porridge." "I was on a still hunt." "Sitting, not even breathing a word." "My gun ready like that." "Suddenly, something emerges from the woods." "A huge beast from the fog!" "I take the gun, aim and shoot..." "Bang!" "Nothing." "It didn't move." "I aim for the second time, shoot..." "Bang!" "Only now it fell to the ground." "That was him." "An enormous stag." "His antlers are a unique decoration of this room." "They are gigantic." "It was an older stag, wasn't it?" " Older, sir." "Good day, count." "Good day, miss." " Good day." "One more glass." "Shall you have a drink with me?" "No, count, I'm in a hurry." "The baroness begs you not to come to the castle before she sends word to you." "I'll come here tomorrow morning." " All right, I shall wait." "Yet, I must have news by nine o'clock tomorrow, else I'll go to the castle." "I have to be going..." " Please, have a drink with me." "Cheers." " Cheers." "Cheers." "And what is this?" "Oh my, it's the diary." "Where was it?" " Right here." "I always keep it here." " That doesn't matter now." "Have a look if we have an entry on a child called Benda." "Benda..." "I can't recall anyone." " Well..." "It would have to be under the letter B, my lord." "Of course it won't be under another one." "I don't think so." " Wait, let me have a look." "Besides, we only keep records of those with claims." "I see." "It seems that Ms. Bendova has made no claims, so she can't be surprised, when she gets nothing." "I'm not a mnemonic, I can't smell it." "Call him." " Who?" "Benda." " The secretary?" "Yes." " And what shall we do with him?" "Be polite to him, he is my son." "Your son?" " Don't say a word to anyone." "You wished to speak to me, your lordship?" "Yes." "In a very urgent matter." "I am prepared for everything, sir." "Hem, allow me." "He doesn't take after me a bit." "That's not possible." "How is your dear mother?" "Oh, thank you, she's very well." " Well." "Let us sit over there and discuss your matter." "Oh, your lordship." "After you." "It's such an awkward situation." "Most awkward." "Especially if my wife is not in the know." "Forgive me, baron, but I deemed as proper to first speak with the baroness." " Nonsense!" "You shouldn't have!" "This matter does not involve my wife as much as me." "In such cases, the father should be the first one to speak to." "Besides, how do you know?" "It doesn't have to be true." "It is, otherwise I wouldn't have come." "I see." "You were thinking that you will appear here" "I will reach out my arms and say:" "Come to me, my dearest son." "Well, it seems you don't have much choices." "Everything may change in an instant." "I will say "no" and the matter is settled." "You won't." "A man who loves his child would never do that." "Child, child..." "Perhaps I'm not the father." " I beg your pardon?" "I don't have you in my diary." "Where?" " Never mind, it doesn't belong here." "I would never expect that from you, sir." "Is this the way to speak of a woman, who gave you a child born out of loyal love?" "Gave me a child?" "Enough." "We shall reach an agreement." "In the last resort, I am willing to a financial sacrifice." "Baron, I never had and I'll never have a need for your money!" "I just ask for the position which belongs to me before the whole world." "Why are you yelling at me?" "Calm down!" "If you are so remorseless and careless, it shall be done without you, sir." "Farewell." "Come now, hullo." "My friend, we can settle the matter somehow." "Does you mother know of your actions?" " Of course." "She knows everything and she is very happy." " Why shouldn't she be!" "Does she know you're here?" " Yes, she even advised me to do so." "She said:" "You can believe the baron, he's a true gentleman." "I understand." "She should know." "We can't let the noble-minded woman be mistaken in me." "You see, father, that's the way I like you." "Well, well, he's calling me father." "We haven't got that far, yet." "But we have, papa, we have." "Stop beating about the bush." "Squeeze me in your arms and say:" "My son." "Very well, come here." " Wait!" "Watch the parting." "He is my son, after all!" "Charley, Lottie, darling." "What's the matter?" " Come with me, hurry." "Father and mother are on side, they know everything." "I knew that no one could resist you." "Come, father can't wait to see us." "I must bolster my courage with a drink, Ronald." "I don't know, how to tell Charley that her brother was born." "Father!" "Thank you for Ernest!" "You know already?" " I know and I'm thrilled." "Watch the parting." " So am I, father." "Watch the parting." "What on earth?" "What is this?" "Hullo!" "What's this?" "I beg your pardon." "I can kiss my wife, can't I?" "Wi...!" "This is your wife?" "That isn't possible!" "We were married three months ago in Prague." "It can't be true." " It is, father." "Did you know?" " I never even dreamt of such a thing." "Get away from each other!" "At once!" " But, father..." "To your room!" "And you upstairs!" "This can't be happening." "Ronald!" "Watch!" "Stand here and don't let anyone in!" "Especially not him!" "He mustn't get anywhere near her!" "Understand?" "But, Archibald, be sensible." "Sensible!" "That's impossible." "Brother and sister - husband and wife!" "There are laws forbidding that." "We'll end up in jail!" "But they are not real siblings." "I should know what they are." "What happened?" " I walked from the Castle Inn," "I slipped and twisted my ankle on the way." "The doctor says it will take three weeks." "Lock the castle, I'm moving." "How did it go in the night?" "My lord, allow me to report that the secretary..." "I mean his young lordship wanted to visit the comtesse." "But he didn't succeed." "I was on guard at your order like archangel Gabriel." "Very well, you may go now, Gabriel." "Charley..." "Dad, it can't go on like this." "Else it will end with a disaster." "Yes, Charley, it will end with disaster." "You'll go to a nunnery." " To a nunnery?" "You can't force me, as I am of age." "Yes, you are of age." "Otherwise, this misfortune wouldn't have happened." "Misfortune?" "What misfortune?" "You mean me marrying Ernest?" "That's fortune!" "And a great fortune!" "Don't be cheeky!" "Charley, choose some nice nunnery, you'll get a robe and take the veil." "Look, child, don't make it worse." "I was young then," "I had a liking for a girl and the consequence was Ernest." " Ernest?" "Yes, Ernest." "I am the cause of your Ernest." " Dad, Ernest is your?" "Son." "Your brother from your father's side." "It can't be true." " It is, my dear." "Forgive me." "I didn't know you then." "I'll never do it again." "Watch the parting." "Charley..." " Let me go." "What happened?" "We must never be together." " What are you saying, Charley?" "May you live happily, my brother from my father's side." "Hullo..." " Where are you calling, Ernest?" "The doctor." "Charley has been acting very strangely." "She must have a fever." "She was talking nonsense." "You must understand her." "She is upset from the surprise." "It wasn't correct to keep it secret." "It made the baron lose his temper." "But that's a matter of fact, he must reconcile to it." "He will." "Especially now, when your father acknowledges you." "Who acknowledges me?" " Your father." "Forgive him for all he did to you." "He has great plans with you." " My father?" "He has plans with me?" " Indeed." "He shall bring the ship of your life to a safe haven." "A ship." "To a safe haven." "My lady, Count Kocharowski." "Show him in." "Your father has come." "I must talk to him alone first." "With whom?" " With your father." "Count Kocharowski." " Kocharowski..." "Good day." "This way, please." "Hullo, is that the post office?" "Hullo, this is the castle secretary speaking." "Please, miss, get a doctor quick and send him here." "Or something terrible will happen." "Well, my dear Olga, I truly do not know, whether I may still dare such familiarity." "I would appreciate if you abstain from any kind of familiarity." "Very well, that's settled, then." "I've come in the matter of my son." "In fact it is your son." "Or, better, our son." "I want to adopt him." " Better late than never." "Very well, that's settled, then." "What is the boy's name?" "Ernest." "Ernest Benda after his foster father." "Is the foster father alive?" " No, he was shot in America." "He is dead, then." " Yes." "Very well, that's settled, then." "I must admit that your intent to adopt Ernest came at the right moment." "As your son is my son-in-law." "Your son-in-law?" " Yes." "My husband will have nothing of the marriage with my step-daughter..." "Your step-daughter?" " Yes." "Because your son is from the commons after his foster father." "I see, my son." "Very well, that's settled, then." "With the adoption, my child will acquire noble descent." "Your child." " Yes." "And then, my husband will be forced to acknowledge my son-in-law, as the children have been wed." "The children have been wed." "What complicated family relations!" "Tell me, in what relation are both the children to your husband?" "My husband is our son's father-in-law." "Your husband is the father-in-law." "It means that we are brothers-in-law." "Call Mr. Benda and send him here." "I immediately thought you were the parents of the new secretary." "He said you were coming." " He married here, you see." "Is it so?" "I didn't see any wedding around here." "It was some time ago." "When leaving to join his wife, the comtesse..." "The comtesse?" " The comtesse here from the castle." "He told me:" "Daddy, take mummy in two days and come for a visit." "You'll have a jolly time shooting." " That's true." "This is the right place." "The woods are swarming with game." "Those antlers, for example." "This stag was brought down quite recently." "I shot him about a year ago." "It's magnificent." "It was on a Sunday morning." "I'm walking through the forest with a gun." " Ready to shoot, eh?" "Indeed." " That's a must, isn't it?" "And as I am walking, I suddenly hear tramping." "I'm going on and I hear it again." " This time closer, eh?" "And now I see huge antlers amidst the trees." "I aim, shoot and bang!" " Boom!" "A gigantic body falling..." " To the ground, no doubt." "And the antlers are hanging here." "I'll bring you some wine." "Good heavens, that's a..." "That's a rare sight." "Mary, come and have a look at the antlers." "Look at the beads." "By Jove, this is something..." "Fred!" "Fred..." "It's made of plaster!" "That's him." "Oh my, he looks just like me!" "I will leave you two alone, my child." "You can tell him everything openly and sincerely." "It is the doctor, eh?" " Oh no!" "He's not the doctor." "He will tell you everything." "How can I help you?" " You shall find out in no time." "Let us look into the future with confidence, dear Count Kocharowski." "I beg your pardon, my name is Ernest Benda." "Very well, this is bygone, it is settled to agenda now." "You are Count Kocharowski." "Excuse me for a moment." " Of course." "I'll be right back." " I shall wait." "What a resemblance!" "Hullo." "Hullo, miss, what's with the doctor?" "The castle is full of lunatics." "Have you sent him?" "And is he coming?" "Thank you." "What?" "Good what?" "Good what?" "!" "Ah, good-bye." "Come in, dear boy." "You know that blue blood is flowing in your veins?" "Forgive me, but I think you are mistaken." "I'm far from being mistaken." "Your mother is an aristocrat." "Excuse me, my mother was born Sulcova and her family had a bakery." "My father's name is Frederic Benda." "Yes." "But they are foster parents." " No!" "For heaven's sake!" "Oh yes, for heaven's sake." "Ask your mother." "A dark secret impends over your birth." "Which has been fortunately clarified." "It is settled to the agenda, my dear boy." " I've had enough of this, sir." "But, my dear boy..." " Sir, if you call me your dear boy once more, you shall see something." "Remember that." "Very well!" "It's settled to the agenda." " But, boy!" "Boy!" "He has my temper." "Why such a hurry?" " Enough is enough!" "I'm leaving and I'll come back for my wife with a solicitor." "Do you have to be so angry?" "Good gracious." "Is it alive?" "Whom have I the honor to meet, sir?" " Bohdan Kocharowski." "What?" " Count Kocharowski." "I see." "Baron von Fibberg." "This way, please." " After you." "I'm home here." " I see." "We've met, so we can sit down now." "Oui, oui." " Take a seat." "Would you like to reveal the purpose of your visit?" "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of by human wisdom." "Are you quoting Shakespeare?" "Let Shakespeare rest in peace." "Very well, that's settled, then." "Fortunately, he is a handsome man." " Who?" "Shakespeare?" "Ernest." " Shakespeare is Ernest?" "I thought he was William." "But why should I care?" "Oh no." "The matter concerns my Ernest." "I see, you also have an Ernest." " Yes." "You know, how it goes." "It is a beautiful summer night, the moon is shining... and we are suddenly related." "Who?" " We." "With whom?" "With Shakespeare?" " No." "With my Ernest." "Ernest, with whom we are both as fathers." "Wait a moment, let's be serious now." "Which Ernest do you have in mind?" "Where did you want to go?" "This is the Fibberg Castle, you know?" " I do." "Aha." "As I am watching you, you're not planning to stay for lunch, are you?" "Not at all." "I've come in the matter of my Ernest." "Your son-in-law." "Look, I think we had a jolly good time, so let us be serious now." "Absolutely serious, please." "Yes." "Let us be serious." "Because I want to adopt Ernest." "Which Ernest?" " My Ernest, your son-in-law." "And could you tell me why?" " Because he is my son." "My illegitimate son." "Ernest Benda is your...?" " He is my..." "Illegitimate..." " Son." "Son?" " Yes." "Show me your diary!" " Well, I..." "Wait." "You had hanky-panky, an affair with his mother?" "I did, but don't blame me for that." "Why should I blame you?" "Quite on the contrary." "You are not angry at me?" " Not at all!" "Quite on the contrary." "And may I adopt him?" " You must!" "And shall he remain your son-in-law?" " Of course, that boy mustn't leave my house." "I'm so happy." "Let's hobnob." "What's your name?" " Mine?" "Bohdan." "What?" " Bohdan." "You're Bohdan!" "I'm Archibald." "K-ss!" " What did you say?" "K-ss!" " I don't understand." "K-ss." " I see." "Oh my." "One more." "Well, Bohdan..." "I haven't got a business card, just tell them that I'm the father of Ernest Benda, I mean that I'm Benda, and that's enough." "This is my wife, Ernest's mother." "Your contention regarding paternity is no doubt interesting." "I shall show you in, Mr. Benda, yet your wife shall remain here." "But..." " Your visit has not been announced." "I beg your pardon, my son, the baron's son-in-law..." "Has not notified of your visit officially." "There is no changing that." "I shall only take you to the audience, Mr. Benda." "He'll only take me, see?" "Wait here dear, I'll come back for you when it's over." "Ronald, give me a match and fetch the best wine from the cellar, the best year we have." " Yes, my lord." "My lord..." " What is it?" "Mr. Benda." "Who are you?" " I'm Benda." "The name seems familiar." "Benda who?" " Ernest's father." "Benda." "Pardon me, who are you?" "Benda, Ernest's father." "The father of Ernest Benda." "That's me." " Ouch." "You're the father?" "Tell me once more." " Ernest Benda's father." "Bohdan!" "Charley!" "What do you want?" "I don't know you." " But I know you from the pictures Ernest sent." "I'm his father, you see?" "Stop joking, please." "I'm already miserable enough." "Can I help you?" "Forgive me, madam, I'm afraid to say it, but I'm really Ernest Benda's father." " What?" "You see, I knew it." "I am Ernest's father." "I am." "But you're dead." " What?" "I'm dead?" "I should know something about it, shouldn't I. My family at least." "But you were shot dead in America." "Who told you that?" " Ernest." "My son?" " Not your son, your foster child." "My foster child?" "But I don't have any foster child, madam." "I see, now I understand why he said you were dead." "He's ashamed of you, because your copybook is blotted." "What?" "Blotted?" "One doesn't move to America without a reason." "It shall be better if you remain dead." "I beg your pardon?" " His real father is here." "I beg your pardon?" " His real father." "The real father of my son, Ernest Benda, is here?" "Yes, Count Kocharowski." "He shall adopt him." "Should you want to hinder it, we shall use force to send you there, where you belong." "To your gold diggers." "Yes, precisely." "That is absolutely correct." "If you do not leave at once, sir, you shall experience something rather unpleasant." "I beg your pardon, if I could see my son Ernest at least." "No ifs." "Although you did rear the boy, you do not have the right to deprive his real father of his rights." "So you are the real father of my son!" "Yes, quite demonstrably." " You scoundrel!" "I beg your pardon?" " I mean him." "I'll snap your head off with my bare hands!" "Ronald, what have you let in?" "What do you want to do with me?" " You'll see!" "Fred!" "What are you doing!" " Come here!" "Come here!" "Get up." "Get up!" "Come closer!" "Open your arms!" "Open it!" "Embrace him!" "Well." "Here's your lover, you unfaithful woman!" "Come here." "Come, come." "Come." "Let me go, sir." "Let go of me!" "Why are you scathing my reputation?" " But I..." "How dare you claim to be my lover!" "Do you see the umbrella!" "I'll thump you with it!" "Look into my eyes." "No, here." " I'm looking." "Does this hurt?" " Of course it does!" "Calm down." "Sit down." "Relax, sit down." "What's your name?" " I'm not telling anyone!" "Married?" " Unfortunately." "Do you have children?" " I had a son, sir!" "And what marks were on your school report in second class?" "Am I insane to remember what marks I had in second class?" "I don't even remember, when I brought down my last stag." "Calm down, we'll have a chat..." "Why should I chat!" "I've got other things to do than chatting." "Do you understand!" "It's sheer impudence!" "Good day." " What's the matter here?" "I don't know myself." "Without the slightest idea, I come here with my husband." "We want to surprise our son." "Suddenly, Fred throws me into the arms of this spook, yelling at me that I'm unfaithful and behaving like a madman!" "Madam, I would..." " Who are you, anyway?" "Who is your son?" "And who is Fred?" "I'm Mrs. Bendova and Fred is my husband!" "We came to surprise our Ernest." "You...!" "I see, you are Ernest's mother." "Yes." " I'm Baroness von Fibberg." "Oh my, the baroness..." "I thought it was you." "A sensible person at last." "You're my son's mother-in-law, then." " As well, yes." "Do sit down." "Yes." " You must listen to me." "Calm down, it will pass." " Why should anything pass!" "If you're looking for a lunatic, there he is." "Help!" "Help!" "Do you see him?" "Help!" "Help!" " Calm down." "Calm down." "So, you are also the father of my Ernest." "Calm down." " Help!" "Calm down." "Come with me." "Come." "Your child died upon birth." "Good Lord, that's not true!" "Madam, my Ernest..." "But I'm not talking about your Ernest." "I'm talking about your real child." "Try to remember." "Before you left to America, your husband came for the child." "And by mistake, they gave him another child." "My Ernest." "But, madam, that's not true." "My husband never went for any child." "Our Ernest was born at home and we've never been to America." "You haven't?" " No." "But what about Ernest's birthmark?" "Ernest has a birthmark." "Near his heart just as my husband." "Near his heart?" "Not on his left shoulder?" "But then!" "It's not him!" " Who?" "Never mind, everything is just fine, my dear, good Mrs. Bendova." "I'm so happy and delighted by your visit." "I'd rather get myself locked up before I let them" "I'd rather get myself locked up before I let them take you to a madhouse." "That's a matter of course." "Who is it?" "Are you the new cook?" " No, that's Ernest's real mother." "You're Ernest's mother?" " Yes." "Listen, Bohdan, you didn't tell me." "Charley..." "Charley, where are you going?" " I'm going to the nunnery." "Farewell." "Please, Charley, I've sent for the doctor." "Ernest!" " Father." "Ernest!" " Mother!" "I'm so glad you've come." "You'll have a jolly time shooting, here." "I know." " Stop frowning, father." "Everything was cleared up, after all." "You see it was a mistake." "I daresay it's a comedy of errors, as the poet says." "What's his name?" " Shakespeare." "Listen, you huggermuggers, isn't that marriage of yours also another error?" "That's the only and gospel truth." "How come the only truth?" "Only truth is spoken here." "That was a plate." "Grandfather is angry." "Two rooms from here." "You've been haunting us with the plates for so long, grandfather." "I've never told a lie..." "But for a few fiddle-faddles." "And that you, grandfather, shot the stag with the cherry, is true, isn't it?" "Good riddance!" "Let me tell you something, father." "Fling up all the lies instead of the plates and dust off the fib covered reputation of the Fibberg family." "You are right." "But I'll give you a diary, just in case." "It's clean and blank." "THE END"