"I'd selected a company in Stockholm, found out about their alarm system and decided on Easter to have plenty of time." "I got in and looked around when suddenly I noticed someone coming." "I dashed away, grabbed some papers and tried to escape but the security guards had split up and I was caught like a rat in a trap." "I took the papers and ran into the bathroom." "I saw a shadow under the door and realised the guards were outside so I opened the door and cried out:" ""God, you scared me!" "I thought it was a burglar."" ""And who are you?" "I was called in from the London office," I said." ""I'm here to audit." They asked me for my name" "I gave them a name I had seen on a sign marked "accountant"." "So they called the company's security manager who confirmed that the person I claimed to be had right to be there." "That gave me the whole weekend to work on." "Every time the guards came I'd be in the conference room." "I'd put papers all over the table and looked confused when they came in." "I said to them: "Have coffee if you want, but I'm balancing the book's"" ""so I'd appreciate if you left me alone."" "They hurried along so as not to disturb me." "I looked trough the premises." "I found out where the safes and filing cabinets were and contacted someone with a car." "I found one interesting company." "It had million in its accounts and I found names and signatures." "In the first filing cabinet I broke into I found two large cash-boxes." "I found company cheques and took 4-5 from the middle of each stash." "I got around 40 in total, and with those I felt pretty content." "The friend who came to collect us..." "or me, is a skilled con man too." "I'd asked him if he was interested in doing a swindle with me." "He went and cashed the first cheque on his own and got SEK 40 000" "I told him that the sum was too small." "We could try with a lot more." "He accepted that, and cashed the next cheque for SEK 80 000" "When we got to the third bank, I waited in the car as he went inside." "The cashier told him that they had computer problems and left him so he thought the cheques had been stopped and left the scene." "He left the cheque and his ID and the whole scheme fell apart." "One of the guards had described me so I was wanted by the police." "I was arrested after a few weeks, I stuck to my story and told them that I was a certified accountant." "Of course they didn't believe me." "If I didn't confess, they'd make me undergo a mental examination." "So I confessed, of course." "The consequences of this was that guards from the security company would follow me everywhere if I was in their area." "Around them, I was known as "The Accountant"." "I had one friend who'd talk a lot about money and business, almost like a little old man." "I found that very strange." "That wasn't part of my world." "One day, I decided to impress him in some way and stole SEK 100 from my mother's handbag." "Next day, I brought the money with me and told everyone:" ""I've come across 100 crowns." They were over the moon." "They were wondering: "How did you...?" "I suggested we'd go and buy some toys during the lunch break and half my class went with me to the toy store." "I bought something for all my friends." "Then I caught sight of this huge ship in a big box." "I bought it, and we want back to our next lesson." "The teacher came in and just said:" ""Has anyone of you found a 100-crown note?"" ""We hold evening classes here"" ""and one man has lost SEK 100 in the corridor outside."" "Everyone went silent but after a while my friend raised his arm turned and looked at me, and said:" ""He had a hundred crowns."" "Everyone turned and looked at me and the teacher said:" ""Have you seen this 100 crown note?"" "I couldn't answer." "I was completely paralyzed." "I can't even remember leaving the classroom but the teacher led me out while everyone was watching." "After that, it's all blank until I saw the headmaster's face in front of me." "His name was Stig, headmaster Stig." "I don't think he said anything." "He just stared at me." "I was squirming and can't remember the conversation." "Everything just turned into a murmur and after a while he called my mum." "She came rushing in and wondered what had happened." "She asked me: "Was it you who found that 100 crown note?" "Yes."" ""Where is it," she asked." ""I bought toys for all my friends."" "She laughed and seemed a little relieved." "Like she thought I'd done something good with it." "So she gave him 100 crowns, an additional 100 crowns for her..." "We left the headmaster and took the tube home and when we got home I took out that big box and started building the model ship." "I put it on a shelf and stood there looking at it for a long time." "and I actually felt pretty... happy." "I think I've always wanted to be someone else." "I've lived so many double lives." "When I was little, my mum said to me:" ""Never tell anyone that we are gypsies."" "We couldn't say where we came from or who our fathers were and if someone called out to us in a shop, my mum would say:" ""Don't answer." "Pretend that that isn't your name." "We weren't allowed to tell anyone at school where we came from." "I met a girl I really wanted to make friends with so I made up that my sister was called "Anne-Li", my brother "Nils", and that we lived in different area." "It didn't take long for her to find out the truth, but I so wanted to be friends." "So already at an early age I started to live a make believe life." "We got catalogues from a mail-order firm and I would cut out the pretty women in their nice clothes." "They were fair skinned and looked like "normal people"." "I'd fantasize that she was my real mum." "My biggest dream was to be like everyone else." "When I ended up in a foster home it was the same, but in a Swedish way." "They weren't my parents so I felt like I didn't belong but I'd pretend that they were my parents if anyone asked." "It was hard." "I've always been afraid that someone'd expose the real me." "I've lived in 18 foster homes, and at first I'd blend in really well with them." "I'd do whatever they asked me and everyone thought I was so good, but after a while I couldn't handle not being myself." "So I'd run away." "The social services would asked me why I'd run away all the time and I'd blame the parents." "That they would starve me or something." "I had to make something up to get away from there." "I started using drugs a lot at a very young age." "I started when I was around 12-13." "When I got married I wanted to change my life." "I didn't want to be the "foster home kid"" "so I married a man I liked a lot but wasn't in love with." "I'd cook nice dinners for him and we had beautiful children." "I was the perfect housewife, but that wasn't me." "I was still trying to figure out who I was." "I started lying even more when I got divorced." "I sought help for my depression and they gave me sedatives which was bad for me as I started doing drugs again." "I started lying a lot and it affected everyone, especially my children." "When I'd be drugged-out somewhere and were supposed to pick them up" "I had to make up stories like being stuck on the tube or really ill." "Once, I even lied and said my mother had died." "They could never trust me." "Once I had promised we'd go on vacation but I got withdrawals and had to get drugs." "I can't remember what I said." "That the train had caught fire or something." "I couldn't tell them it was the drugs and I sent them to their dad instead." "I was living a double life for a long time." "I put up a nice front and I was such a good actor." "I told them I was mentally ill so that I could do drugs in peace." "Finally, one social worker god fed up and suggested we'd go for a coffee." ""If you're that ill we have to commit you to a mental institution."" "I was terrified." "He said:" ""I know you're using drugs."" ""It's time you grew up." "I won't fall for this any longer."" "I got furious!" "I think I knocked the coffee cups over as I stormed out." "But that was my turning point." "I realised I couldn't continue to lie and pretend I was someone I'm not." "On my third attempt I managed to detox all by myself." "Giving up the drugs was hard but being truthful was even harder." "I guess I'm still searching inside to figure out who I am." "Like I can't find the truth in my own story..." "Translation:" "Eva Österlund." "Transcribed by Inglourious @KG"