" (CHEERFUL MUSIC) - (BIRD CAWS)" "(CHITTERS)" "(GRUNTS)" " (WOMAN SCREAMS) - (GRUNTS)" " (GIRL SCREAMS)" " Uh?" " (SCREAMING)" " BOY:" "Dracula's the coolest." "Uh?" " (WOMAN SCREAMS) - (MAN LAUGHS MANIACALLY)" "Whoa." "Didn't see that coming." "Oh!" "Me neither." "Ohh!" "TV VOICEOVER:" "Presenting the classic Dracula action figure with hypnotic, trance-inducing spinning eyes..." "DRACULA:" "You are under my spell." "Ohh!" "VOICEOVER: .. victim-ready spring-loaded fangs and life-like coffin made from real Transylvanian wood." " Not made from real wood." " Don't be frightened." "(LAUGHS)" "Hypnotic spinning eyes?" "Spring-loaded fangs?" "Oh, I gotta have that." "Grams, Grams, did you see that?" "Did you?" "Without fangs, Sam " "I can't understand a thing you're saying." "(SQUEAKS)" " Did you see that?" " Oh, I saw it, alright." "That's the creepiest doll I've ever seen." "Doll?" "Doll..." "It's not a doll." "It's the greatest, most scariest action figure ever." "It even comes with a life-like coffin." "Oh!" "That's awfully morbid, if you ask me." " Well?" " Well what, dear?" "Can I get one?" "Can I?" "Can I?" "Oh, please." "Oh, no." "Christmas is just a few months away." "So why don't you write Santa Claus a nice letter and ask him for this Dracula doll?" "Action figure." "Of course." "Action figure." "Hey, Webber." "(CHITTERS)" "Christmas is so far away." "(CHITTERS)" "But Halloween is just around the corner." "(THUNDER RUMBLES)" "Dear Dracula," "I am your biggest fan." " (THUNDER ROARS) - (SPOOKY, DRAMATIC MUSIC)" " (GASPS) - (EERIE HOWL)" "(SPOOKY WHISTLING)" "Oh, yikes!" "Mommy." "Mommy!" "(WHIMPERS)" "(SCREAMS)" "(BAT SCREECHES)" "Ohh." "Almost there." "Almost there." "Almost there." "(DISTANT HOWL)" "(HUMS CHEERFULLY)" " Boo!" " (SCREAMS)" "(LAUGHS)" "Gotcha!" "Ahh!" "Ohh!" "Whoa-ho-ho-ho!" "Whoa, whoa!" "(GRUNTS AND PANTS)" "(SIGHS) Master, why must you scare me so?" " Mirroe!" " (SCREAMS)" "(LAUGHS) Gotcha again!" "Enough, Master." "I beg you!" "Oh, no!" "Can't hang on..." "Losing grip!" "(SCREAMS AND GROANS)" "It's a good thing this soft chair was here to break my fall." "(SCREAMS)" "Help me!" "This chair is alive!" " Mirroe." " (SCREAMS)" "(WHIMPERS) No more, Master." "You're killing me." "Killing me, I tell you!" "Ahh." "Ah, you're too kind, Mirroe." "Whatever do you mean, Master?" "Ah, what's the use?" "I've lost it." "Nobody's scared of Count Dracula anymore." "Bite your tongue, Master." "The mere mention of your name still makes some people quiver in their boots." "If they're wearing boots, that is." "Whatever their chosen footwear, they quake when they hear... (SINISTER VOICE) ..Count Dracula!" "(THUNDER BOOMS)" "SOME people - that's the problem, Mirroe." "There was a time when everyone would shudder when my name was spoken." "But today the younger generation don't find me scary." "Nonsense, Master." "No, it's true!" "Today the young ones are more afraid of faceless goons with chainsaws than classic monsters such as myself, the werewolf and the mummy." "I've got to be honest," "I never really found the mummy all that scary." "(SIGHS) Still, those were the days, Mirroe." "Of course, Master." " (TYRES SCREECH)" " Huh?" "What was that, Mirroe?" "Why, it's the mailman, Master." "Ahh!" "(SNIGGERS)" "I am going to scare him good." "(SQUAWKS)" "(MAILMAN WHIMPERS)" "Mommy, Mommy... (WHIMPERS)" "(LAUGHS) I'll just wait here until the moment is right." "(TYRES SCREECH)" "(TEETH CHATTER)" "Easy, Gus, easy." "You can do this." "(WHIMPERS)" " Oh, gosh." " (DOOR HANDLE SQUEAKS)" "Ah!" "Ooh!" "Ah!" "(GROANS)" "Greetings." "(GROANS)" "D-d-delivery... (INHALES)..for C..." "C..." "C Count Dracula." " Boo!" " (SCREAMS)" " Gee!" " (TYRES SCREECH)" "Ahh!" "Not exactly as I planned." "But still, I scared him good." "Yes, Master, you certainly did." "And, look, Master, we have mail." "Fan mail." "Ex... cellent!" "Just dump it all on the floor, Mirroe, anywhere." "But, Master..." "Ahh, I see." "(READS) "Dear Dracula..."" "Who's it from, Master?" "Who?" "Who?" "What are you, an owl, Mirroe?" "It is from some little boy named Sam." "All the way from America." "Listen to this." "(CLEARS THROAT)" ""Dear Dracula," ""My name is Sam" ""and I am your biggest fan."" "How exciting, Master." "But by 'biggest', does this Sam mean he's a giant or that he admires you more than anyone else?" "After me, of course. (CHUCKLES)" "(GRUNTS AND CHUCKLES)" "Hush, Mirroe." "Show a little respect when Master is reading his fan mail." "Yes, Master." "(MUTTERS)" "(CHAIR SCRAPES NOISILY)" "Mirroe!" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Won't happen again." "(MUTTERS)" "Whoa... whoa." " Whoa!" " (CRASH!" ")" "Forgive me, Master." " Mirroe..." " (SINISTER ORGAN MUSIC) ...pack your bags." "(GASPS) But, Master, I said sorry." "Please don't fire me." "Pull out my travel coffin and put some fresh dirt in it." "But, wait..." "Uh, what?" "We're going to America to see this Sam." "Oh..." "Ohh!" "(CHUCKLES) Yes, Master!" "So, what do you think, Webber?" "(GRUNTS)" " (CHITTERS)" " Yeah, you're right." "I think it needs a spider web." "Something really cool and scary, OK?" "(CHITTERS)" "GIRL:" "Look, it's that weirdo" " Sam." "And he's talking to his pet spider." " Again." " (GIRLS LAUGH)" "Cut it out, Nicole." " Hey, Sam." " Hi." "Uh, I'm having a Halloween party at my house tonight." "I was wondering if you'd like to come." "Ah..." "I don't know, I told Grams" "I'd help her with the trick-or-treaters." "Well, I hope you can make it." "I mean, it's just across the street." " (GIGGLES)" " OK." "I'll think about it and I'll talk to Grams." " (RETCHES) - (LAUGHS)" "Eugh!" "What are you doing talking to the bug whisperer?" "Seriously, that dude's beyond creepy." "He is not creepy." "He's... different." "Well, maybe you wanna stay here and hang out with Mr Different, but we're outta here." " Come on." " Webber, no!" " (GROWLS) - (SCREAMS)" "Tarantula!" "(BOTH SCREAM)" "Not cool, spider dude." "Definitely not cool!" "(CHITTERS)" "(LAUGHS) That was awesome, little guy." "She totally deserved it." "(LAUGHS)" "Listen, tell Sam he should come to my party, OK?" " (CHITTERS)" " OK." "See you." "Webber, that was bad." "Very funny." "Uh, but bad." "Well, maybe 'bad' is the wrong word." "No, I am not going." " Sam." " Coming." "So will you work on the web?" "Remember, cool and scary." "Oh, and happy Halloween, Webber." "Hey, Grams." "Stop it." "Not on my watch, mister." "Was that Emma I saw you talking to out there?" "Yeah." " So, are you going?" " Going where?" "Are you going to Emma's Halloween party tonight?" "Were you eavesdropping, Grams?" "No, dear." "I would never eavesdrop on purpose." "I prefer to think of it as overhearing." "And I think I overheard Emma invite you to her party." " So are you going?" " Uh-uh." "Oh, good, because there's no way I could sit through the monster movie marathon on my own." "It's our Halloween tradition." "(SIGHS) I know, Grams." "I know." "(GRUNTS)" "(GRUNTS)" "(PLONK!" ")" "DRACULA:" "Mirroe, are we there yet?" "Not yet, Master." "(GRUNTS)" "(MIRROE GROANS)" "(GRUNTS AND COUGHS)" "(RETCHES AND COUGHS)" "DRACULA:" "Are we there yet?" "Master, we're finally there." "I..." "I mean here." "DRACULA:" "Excellent!" "Now, then, take me up to the front door so I can make a grand entrance." "(GRUNTS AND STRAINS) Yes, Master." "(GRUNTS REPEATEDLY)" "And, Mirroe, make sure the sunlight won't be on me - it won't be much of an entrance if I turn to dust the second the coffin opens, now, would it?" "No, Master." " (DOORBELL RINGS) - (SWITCHES ON TV)" "Oh, trick-or-treaters." "My, my, they start earlier each year." "Oh, my!" "(WOOD CREAKS)" "Good evening, madam." "Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?" "(LAUGHS) Charming." "But I am not a trick-or-treater." "What are you selling, then?" "Madam, I've travelled a very long way." "Is this the house of Sam?" "Who wants to know exactly?" " I am Count Dracula." " (SPOOKY ORGAN MUSIC)" "Well, whatever you're selling, I'm not buying." " Whoa!" " Ohh!" "Way to dodge the vase, Master." "Ohh!" " Calm down, Granny." "Calm down." " (GRUNTS)" "This is not going well." "Tell me about it, Master." " (BOTH GRUNT)" " Ah!" "Get off my property, you hoodlums." " No!" " Oh, Master, no." "No." "We must get you out of the sunlight." "(SIZZLING SOUND)" "(GRUNTS) You leave me no choice, Granny." "Look into my eyes." "Uh..." "You're under my spell." "I am under your spell." "We are friends of Sam's, from school." "(ZOMBIE-LIKE) In that case, won't you please come in?" "Mirroe, we're in." "(SQUAWKS)" "I am Count Dracula!" "Whoa!" "The one and only Count Dracula is in my living room!" "On Halloween!" "Oh, how cool is that?" "Yes." "How cool is that?" "I know you wanted a toy doll, but I brought something better - the real Dracula." "(DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS)" "You look like you're about to eat me." "I thought I was the vampire here." "Close your mouth." "You're making me nervous." "(SQUAWKS)" "(CLEARS THROAT) Master." "Ah." "Sam, this is Mirroe." "Mirroe, this is the little boy who wrote the letter." "Oh!" "Hey, Mirroe." "Welcome." "Thank you, Master Sam." "A pleasure to meet you." "So, you're like the Count's assistant or something?" "Technically, I'm a certified henchman." "Majored in vampire history and ghoulage." "I don't like to toot my own horn, but I'm also an accomplished gravedigger." "(GRUNTS)" "DRACULA:" "Mirroe, you're being modest." "He's the best." "Thank you, Master." "(ZOMBIE-LIKE) Sam, would your friends like to watch the monster movie marathon with us?" "Guys?" "Why, that sounds delightful, Grandma." "And you're all done throwing things, yes?" "Of course, dear." "(WEBBER SQUEAKS)" "Oh, Webber, I'd like you to meet Mirroe and Count Dracula." "He's visiting me all the way from Transylvania." "(WEBBER CHITTERS)" "Soda?" "They're drinks." " (SODA CAN CREAKS)" " Ahh!" "I'm so sorry." "I'll clean it up." " (DRINK FIZZES)" " That's one way." "(STOMACH GURGLES)" "(BURPS)" "What was that?" "Did that come from me?" "(LAUGHS) That was a burp." "A monster burp." "Burps, movie marathons." "There is much to learn." "Continue your teachings, young Sam." "(BURPS)" "OK, the first movie is about a new breed of vampires." "It's called 'Demons at Dusk'." "(GENTLE MUSIC ON MOVIE SOUNDTRACK)" "WOMAN ON TV:" "Oh, Edmund, you will be mine some day." "(SWITCHES OFF TV) So what did you think, Count?" "That was rubbish!" "Absolute hogwash." "Vampires aren't pretty boys that sparkle in the sun." "Real vampires burn and crumble into dust when exposed to daylight." " Ha!" " OK." "But this is what scares kids today." "Ah, that was awful." "I'm embarrassed to be a vampire after seeing that." "What's next?" "Something scary, I hope." "Oh, this one's scary, alright." "It's 'Blade Saw VII'." "Who is the monster?" "Anyone I know?" "Uh, he's not exactly a real monster like you or Frankenstein." "He's more of a deranged killer who forces people to do horrible things as punishment." "(SCOFFS) Doesn't sound so scary." "(GHOULISH GROWLING)" "(POWER SAW WHIRRS)" "(WEBBER SQUEAKS)" "MAN ON TV:" "There is only one way out of here." "(SCREAMS)" "(WEBBER CHATTERS)" "Turn it off, Sam." "I've seen enough." "(SWITCHES OFF TV) What's wrong?" "Call me old-fashioned, but that's not scary." "(TEETH CHATTER)" "Really?" "(GROANS)" "It's gruesome - there's no fright, no goose bumps, no shivers running down the spine." "(SIGHS)" "I need some fresh air." "Master!" "(DOOR OPENS)" " Sam, do something." "I beg you." " (DOOR CLOSES)" "(CHILDREN CHATTER)" "SAM:" "Count, wait up." "(CHITTERS)" "DRACULA:" "Seriously." "Eh, what are you?" "I..." "That's not scary." "MIRROE:" "Master!" " Count." " DRACULA:" "Ahh." " Sam." " (BOTH SCREAM)" "Tell me something, what does Halloween mean to you?" "Besides the candy?" "Oh, I almost forgot about that." "Mirroe, run up to that house and get the Count's favourite candy." "The swirly taffy?" "No, bleurgh." "That stuff sticks to my fangs." "You know what I like." "But of course, Master." "Whoa!" "(SCREAMS)" "Help me!" " Ohh!" " (CAT MIAOWS)" "Ohh!" "Master, Master, look what I got." "Candy corn!" "My favourite!" "Now, where was I?" "Oh, yes." "So, what does Halloween mean to you?" "Besides the sweet, free candy." "For me, it's the thrill of the scare." "(GRUNTS AND GULPS)" "(GROWLS)" "Exactly." "It's fright night, no?" "So where are all the ghouls, goblins and monsters?" "Why are there so many unworthy costumes on Halloween?" "Seriously, cowboys aren't scary." " (DOG YAPS)" " Ahh!" "A poodle dressed as ballerina is ridiculous but definitely not scary." "Yeah." "That's a totally different kind of scary." "And what is this?" "A child hot dog with a zigzag dollop of mustard." "Not scary." "Yeah?" "Well, boring old vampires aren't scary either." "They're lame." "How dare you, you oversized sausage?" "I've been scaring people since your great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great  great-great-great-great..." " (YAWNS) ...great-great-great-grandfather was in diapers." "Lame." " (SIGHS)" " Look, Count." "Back in the day, you were untouchable." "But there are a lot of other scary creatures out there now." "Nonsense!" "I'll show you." "Sam, weren't you even a little teensy bit frightened when you saw Master swoop in here?" "Uh, what didn't you understand about my letter?" "I'm his biggest fan." "Did you see the fright he gave your granny?" "Master scared her so bad, he had to put her in a trance." " (LAUGHS) - (HYPNOTIC WARBLE)" "Don't worry, she's fine." "Don't be so delusional, Mirroe - Grandma wasn't frightened." "She just hates door-to-door salesmen." "You weren't scary." "(CHILDREN CHATTER AND LAUGH)" "(LAUGHS)" "Boo!" "Bah!" "Arrh!" "(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)" "(OWL HOOTS)" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Oh, these are sad times, Master Sam." "No-one seems to find Dracula scary anymore." "Ah!" "That's not true." "Dracula's the scariest creature of all time." "Now you are the one being delusional." "The sad truth is no-one tries to lynch us anymore." "There are no vampire hunters ready to stake us around every corner." "And yours is the only fan mail Dracula has received in years." "Aye." "Is true." "It's really true." "I'm no longer the menacing monster I once was." "Count, I think I know what the problem is." "Your scare is wearing a little thin." "You're still Dracula." "You were once the most fearsome creature in the world." "You just need to believe it so everyone else can see." "But, Sam, I'm a relic." "I'm yesterday's ghoul." "(SIGHS)" "Don't worry, Count, I'll help you get back on top." "KIDS:" "Trick or treat!" "Here you go." " Happy Halloween." " (KIDS LAUGH)" "Hi, Sam." "Uh, hi, Emma." "Your house looks really cool this year." "I like the skeleton hands coming up through the ground." " Nice touch." " Uh, thanks!" "So, have you decided if you're coming to my party later?" "Uh, I don't know." "Your friends seem like..." "you know." "Oh, don't worry about them." "Come on, it'll be fun." "And you can bring your friends." "Oh, Emma, this is the Count." "Yeah, I can see that." "Well, Count, maybe you can hypnotise Sam and command him to come to my party." "Uh, I, uh... (LAUGHS)" " I..." " (LAUGHS)" "Sam, I don't understand." "You're more afraid of some kids than you are of me, the scariest creature to ever roam the earth?" "How can that be?" "Look, everyone thinks I'm strange." "Not everyone, apparently." "Emma seems to like you." "Yeah, but her friends think I'm a weirdo." "Let's face it, I'll never be one of the cool kids." "Hogwash!" "(CHITTERS)" "Sam, the reason people say these things is because they fear what they don't know." "And they don't know you." "So change it." "Here, let's make a deal." "You help me get my scariness back and I'll you show people what Sam is all about." "Deal?" "Deal." "Alright, Count, welcome to Sam's monster-building boot camp for vampires." " Are you ready?" " Sir!" "Yes, sir!" "Now, tell me what you see when you look in the mirror." " What?" " 'What' nothing!" "Tell me what you see!" "(COUNTAND MIRROE GUFFAW)" "Oh." "(LAUGHS) Right." "But if you could see yourself, you'd see that you're not the scariest creature out there." "That changes tonight." "Yes, sir." "I can't hear you, vampire." "Sir!" "Yes, sir!" "Sir!" "Yes!" "Sir!" "Master!" "Uh, just the Count, Mirroe." "(STAMMERS) Yes, Drill Sergeant Sam." "Oh, sorry, Drill Sergeant, Sam." "Forgive me, Master." " Old habits..." " (CLATTERING)" "OK, now, Count, show me your shadow." "What do you mean?" "Everyone knows vampire shadows take on a life of their own to amplify their scariness." "Show me your shadow, Count, and make it scary." "Alright." "But it's been a while." "(SCARY ORGAN MUSIC)" "Uh?" "(SAM GROWLS)" "Show me your fangs." "(HISSES)" "Come on, now, my grandma's dentures have more bite than those little baby fangs." "Again." " (STOPWATCH TICKS)" " OK, and vanish." "And appear!" "You've gotta do better if you're gonna terrify someone, Count." " Again." " (STOPWATCH TICKS)" "Vanish!" "And appear!" "That's more like it." "Let's put it all together now." "Show me the combo platter of fright." "Go, Master." "Go, Master." "Go!" "Go!" "Go, Master!" "Ready?" "Set?" "Vanish!" "Appear!" " Shadow!" " (SNARLS)" " Fangs!" " (HISSES)" " Let's change it up." "Fangs!" " Arrr!" " Shadow." " (SNARLS)" "Vanish and appear!" "What are you?" "I'm a lean, mean monster machine." "How do you feel?" "I feel like I could devour the whole town with one fang tied behind my back." "That's the Count Dracula I know and fear." "Master's back!" "Master's back!" "Mirroe, why don't you check on Granny while I have a little chat with Sam?" "My pleasure, Master." "Now, then, Sam, it's my turn." "I have much to teach you in ways of confidence before tonight's big soiree." "Nah, it's just a party." "And I didn't say I was going." "What?" "Of course you're going." "And you're going to show Emma that you're worthy of her friendship." "But I don't have a costume." "Don't worry, I've already taken care of that." "What you need is a crash course on how to fit in." "Sam, tell me what makes you you." "Well, I'm a little odd, I suppose." "You know, like, misunderstood." "OK, I'm going to put a different spin on that." "You say 'odd' and 'misunderstood' where I would say 'bold' or 'independent' and not afraid to be yourself." " What else?" " Ah, let's see." "I'm a monster-movie geek." "OK, now turn that into a positive." "Um, OK, I'm a..." " Classic..." " Gotcha." "Uh..." "I'm a classic horror movie enthusiast?" "Not bad." "Try 'aficionado' instead." "I'm a classic horror movie aficionado." "(WONDROUS MUSIC)" " Hey!" " You see?" "With a fresh perspective, you've gone from being a boring, alienated kid to the most interesting guy in the whole town." "OK, that's all great." "But what if I choke?" "Huh?" "Look, if worst comes to worst, I'll tell you what to say." "But, really, Sam, all you need to do is sink your fangs in and don't let go." "Show people who you really are." "Now, let's go see about that costume." "(CHITTERS)" "Oh!" "Thank you, my little friend." "You're very kind." "(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)" "Hey, what's going on?" "Here you go, Sam." "I'm not exactly sure what it is or why I did it but I thought you'd need this for Emma's party." " Now, go try it on." " OK." "Thanks!" " (KIDS SHOUTAND LAUGH)" " GIRL:" "Trick or treat." "Can I have some candy, please?" " (DRACULA LAUGHS)" " SAM:" "So what do you think?" "Doesn't Sam look like a real ghoul?" "A picture of fright." "I'm so proud." "Everything is coming together so nicely on this Halloween eve." "KIDS:" "Trick or treat." "But something is missing and I can't quite put my finger on it." " (CHITTERS)" " Hey, Webber." "Oh, OK." "Ready, everyone?" "One, two, three!" "(ELECTRICITY BUZZES)" "Oh, Master, look." "Look." "Ah!" "Now it's Halloween." "Webber, that's the best yet." "Way to go, little buddy." "Mirroe, you take good care of Grams while we're at the party, OK?" "But of course, Sam." "Oh, boy, fresh victims." "Boo!" "(ALL SCREAM)" "Mommy!" " I'm good." " Maybe a little too good." "(KIDS SCREAM)" "Scared you, didn't it?" "Yes?" "I knew it!" "(HIP-HOP STYLE) Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm." "The Count is back!" "Mirroe, bring these delightful trick-or-treaters some candy." "And don't be stingy." "Yes, Master." "Right away, Master." "I feel more undead than I have in centuries." "Lookin' good, Count." "Sam, if you don't mind, I'd like to try out my new bite." "(LAUGHS) I'll see you at Emma's." "And remember, sink your fangs in and..." "Don't let go." " Wish me luck." " You won't need it, good fella." "(SQUAWKS)" "(KIDS CHATTER AND LAUGH)" "GIRL:" "I love your costume!" " It's so cool!" " BOY:" "Yeah." "Whoa." "Cool costume, Emma." "OK, Sam, you can do this." "Just be yourself." "Like Count Dracula said." "(SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT)" "(GIRL SCREAMS) Look at you!" "Wicked costume, Em." "Not exactly what we all agreed to, though." "Yeah, I know, but that wasn't really me." "I needed to put a little classic fright night into it." "Well, what are we waiting for, girls?" "Let's get this party started!" "(SISTER SQUEALS)" "Sam?" "Come on, Emma!" "(SIGHS) Real good, Sam." "Way to sink your fangs in." "Ugh, this was a dumb idea." "I'm going home." "And where do you think you're going?" "Home." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." "We had a deal, Sam, and I refuse to let you back out now." "You're coming with me." "(LAUGHS)" "(ALL CHATTER AND LAUGH)" "Hey, Kirk, over here!" "Cool costume." "Thanks." "What are you supposed to be?" " A vampire." " Really?" "That's the costume?" "A pair of fangs?" "Uh..." " Just like the movies." " (LAUGHS)" "Go and talk to her." "She wants to be your friend, Sam." "Tell her what a great party it is." "Anything." "But she's with that Kirk guy." "I'll take care of that." "When I give the signal, you will approach Emma." "Just let me get rid of that goon hanging around her." "Whoa!" "Where'd you come from, dude?" "Transylvania, of course." "Oh, Transylvania." "I hear they've got a good football team." "(GROANS)" "So, pally, tell me, what are you supposed to me?" "Duh!" "I'm a vampire, dude." "What do I look like?" "You look like a pretty boy with a bad set of false teeth." "Well, that's what a vampire is." "What?" "!" "How insulting!" "Vampires are terrifying creatures that strike fear in the hearts of puny humans like you." "Whatever." "'Whatever'?" "I'll give you 'whatever'." "Look into my eyes, you silly vampire wannabe." "For the rest of the night, I want you to dance around and cluck like a chicken." "Understood?" "(ZOMBIE-LIKE) Dude, I will so dance around and cluck like a chicken." "Excellent." "Now, go on." "(CLUCKS)" "Oh, no, you don't, bug boy." "Emma doesn't need to be creeped out by you, you weirdo." "Come on!" " (HISSES AND SNARLS) - (SCREAMS)" "Tarantula!" "Ahhhh!" "(LAUGHS)" "Hey, Web, thanks again." "(BREATHES DEEPLY)" "Hi, Emma." "Sam?" "Is that you?" " Uh-huh." " You made it!" " Wow!" "Great costume." " You too." "It looks like we both had the same idea." "Yeah." "I guess so." "I, uh..." "I... uh..." "What is it, Sam?" "Uh, I just wanted to say..." "Come on, Sam, you can do it." "Show Emma your fangs." "Are you OK, Sam?" "Sam, you might start by saying to Emma that, "You throw one mean shindig."" "Might I start by saying that you throw one mean shindig." "(CHUCKLES)" "Nobody says 'shindig' anymore." "Oh, I can't do it." "Not like this." "Look, Emma, I wanted to say thank you for inviting me to your party." "I know everyone thinks I'm strange and a little creepy, but I'm not." "Nice." "I don't think you're creepy, Sam." "I think you're, uh... you." "You know, not afraid to be yourself." "That's cool." " You really think?" " Yeah, I do." "Hey, do you want to check out the dance floor?" " Cool!" " It's in the backyard." "We have a DJ and everything." "(CLUCKS)" "See, now, that's weird." "(SNIFFLES) They grow up so quickly." "(LAUGHS)" "Now it's time to sink my fangs into Halloween!" " GIRL:" "Whoo-hoo!" " (LAUGHTER)" "I can't believe you love horror movies too." "Yeah, most people think it's weird for a girl to like horror films." "(CLUCKS)" "There's just something about the classics." "And it doesn't bother you that my best friend's a spider?" "(WEBBER CHITTERS)" "Well, that is a little..." " Uh, I just..." " (LAUGHS) I'm kidding." "I'm kidding." "I think spiders rock." "(WHOOSH!" ")" "Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to announce our winners for best costume." "For craziest costume and staying in character all night, the winner is Kirk." " (CLUCKS) - (OTHERS CHEER)" "(SCOFFS) If it wasn't for me, that chicken guy would've won for lamest vampire costume." "And because it's Halloween, the scariest costume of the party goes to the guy dressed as that old-school vampire." " No way!" " (APPLAUSE)" "Show yourself, Count." "Who's got his bite back?" "Count Dracula, that's who." "Hmm, I must make a grand entrance." "Oh!" "This is too good." "Has anyone seen that classic vampire?" " Anyone?" " (DOOR CREAKS)" "(BOOM!" ")" "(SCARY CHORAL MUSIC)" "Sam, look, it's the Count." "Look into my eyes, people." "You cannot escape my hypnotic trance." "You're more frightened than you've ever been." "Behold the scariest creature to ever walk the earth," "I am Count Dracula!" "(THUNDER BOOMS)" "And I command you to scream!" "(ALL SCREAM)" "(CLUCKS)" "Wait, wait, I wasn't finished." "I want you to scream, "Happy Halloween!"" " (THUNDERCLAP)" " ALL:" "Happy Halloween!" "This is for my good friend Sam." "Thank you, Sam." "Who is he exactly?" "Just my vampire friend, Count Dracula." "I taught him everything he knows." "(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER CONTINUES)" "Sam, I came here to pay you a special visit based on the letter you wrote." "Who knew our time together would change my life forever?" "You have inspired me to be the very best vampire I can be." "Thank you for helping me be proud of who I am." "Happy to help, Count." "And thanks for helping me." "So, what are you gonna do now?" "Now I'm going to return home to Transylvania." "It seems word travels fast." "Master's been invited to Frankenstein's for an exclusive monster party at the mortuary." "It's been years since anyone has invited me to a 'morguesbord'." "(CAR HORN TOOTS)" "Do you want me to help you with your coffin?" "The coffin?" "No, keep it." "You never know when I'll be back." "Mirroe, why don't you take the cab?" "Yes, Master." "It's such a nice night - I think I'll fly." "Goodbye, Sam, Emma, little Webber and Grandma." " Hey, what about Grams?" " (WEBBER CHITTERS)" "She'll be fine in a few minutes." "Trust me." "(LAUGHS)" "Well, I mustn't keep Master waiting." "Sam, I will miss you." "I will miss you all." "Now if I can just get the..." "Ohh!" "Farewell." " 'Bye." " 'Bye." "Oh, my!" "Where am I?" "What's going on?" "Grandma, you missed it." "You missed it all." "Count Dracula just left with his henchman, Mirroe." "Oh, Sam, you and your horror stories." "No, really, this was the best Halloween ever." " What..." "It's over?" " I'm afraid so." "The last thing I remember was a knock at the door and then that spooky coffin salesman." "Did you go to Emma's party?" "I sure did." "It was the best." "(CHUCKLES)" "Grams, can Emma come over tomorrow and watch the rest of the monster movie marathon with us?" "But of course, dear." "(BOTH LAUGH)" " You're it!" "(LAUGHS)" " Ah!" "Dang it!" " Gotcha!" " Oh, Sam, you got me." " (LAUGHS)" " I'm gonna get you this time." " You can't catch me." " Run!" " (LAUGHS)" " OK." "(QUIRKY HORROR MUSIC)"