"Hey, guys." "Where are Marshall and Lily?" "Something terrible happened." "Are they okay?" "Are they in the hospital?" "No." "Somewhere much... much worse." "Long lsland!" "Tonight, we're moving out there for good!" "Yeah." "Here are your spare keys to our new house." "Long lsland?" "I don't understand." "You-You can get spray tans here." "I never let myself believe this day would really come." "It's like when they canceled Party of Five for the second time." "I mean, when they... canceled... sports." "Guys, we'll still see each other all the time." "And we'll talk on the phone, and" "I know people say that having kids means you won't see your friends anymore, but  [Sobbing] Oh, God." "This is good-bye, isn't it?" " No, stop it." "Guys, this doesn't change anything." "We are only a 46-minute train ride away." "So pop out whenever you want." "So..." "I guess this seat is open." " [Whimpering] - [Murmurs]" "I'll go get a chair." " [Sighs]" " So, that's it." " No more Marshall." " No more Lily." "They're gone." "Which means... no lame married couple... shooting down all my amazing ideas." "Guys, great news!" "I'm the new leader of the gang!" "## [Upbeat Pop]" "[Barney] # Ba, ba-ba-ba, ba#" "# Ba-Barney is #" "# The new leader of the gang#" "# And life just got way more awesome ##" "Yeah!" "[Ted Narrating] Marshall and Lily were almost done decorating their new house." " I like it there much better." " There was only one problem." "Wrong!" "This can't go here." "[Ted Narrating] Kids, when he found out she was pregnant..." "Lily's estranged father unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep." "It was a gesture she appreciated." "But after two weeks, they'd had just about enough." "That has to go there... to cover up the splintery floorboard." "And you can't hang this picture here." "This isn't plaster." "It's dried toothpaste." "Guys, you're so lucky I'm here!" "I grew up in this house." "I know it like the back of my hand." " And this lamp absolutely cannot be here." " Why not?" "It blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez... doing her Jane Fonda workouts." "Isn't she a little old, Dad?" "Oh, you didn't see her when I was a kid." "In my mind, she'll always be 54." "I know he means well, but I can't take it anymore." "He won't leave, and he's acting like this is his house." "I know!" "And these annoying notes he keeps leaving around?" ""l need absolute silence when practicing the drums."" ""Do not touch the fudge in my nightstand."" ""We need ant traps for my nightstand."" "I find myself hiding out here... just because it's the only room in the house... where he can't boss us around." " [Beeps]" " Great news!" "I put new batteries in the old intercom system." "Now we can communicate at all times." " Mickey out." " [Beeps]" "Look at what's become of our booth." "Looks like my old shop teacher's hand- just sort of missing something." "Enough!" "I am sick of you two wallowing in sadness... instead of doing the healthy thing... and pretending anyone who leaves you... never existed in the first place!" "I hate to agree with Barney's near-paralyzing abandonment issues, but he has a point." "You can't just stop living because two of your friends moved away." ""Pre-cissly!"" "Now, as new group leader..." "I say we go out and do something... that we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here." "Ooh!" "Remember that amazing idea I had that one time?" " Let's go to a strip club!" " Nope." "So?" "What do you say?" "Let's declare our independence... with an "on-da-peen-dance."" " "On-da-peen-dance."" " No, we got it." " Let's go to a strip club!" " Well, I'm gonna miss them anywhere." "Might as well see some cans while I'm at it." "I'll take it!" "Robin?" "Kevin?" "You in?" "[Ted Narrating] Kids, early in any relationship... there's a phase where you don't say no to anything." "Because you want to seem interesting... adventurous... and open-minded." "I call it early-relationship chicken." "Well, I am open to anything." "Oh, mos' def!" "[Both Inhaling] So" "[Thinking] I don't want to go to a strip club." "[Thinking] I don't want to go to a strip club." "[Thinking] But I don't want him to think I'm some prude." "[Thinking] Man, we've been saying "So" for a while." "[Both] Oh, yeah!" " [Yells]" " Yes!" "Tonight is gonna be legen- [lmitating Lily] Are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club?" "Shut up, Lily!" "I'm in charge now!" "...dary!" "Got no cell reception." "I wanted to call Ted." "This feels weird." "The last time I lived this far from him was my semester abroad." "You never did a semester abroad." "That's what I called it when we lived on opposite sides of campus." "Wrong!" "Please tell me you're not plugging that in there." "Yes, Mickey, that's exactly what I'm doing." "All right, fine." "I won't say anything." "It's just that this was my room when I was growing up... so I know it a little better than you do." "Lot of great memories here." "Mostly just discovering my body." "That's it." "Since you got here, you've been nothing but judgmental and pushy... and strangely obsessed with your adolescent sex life." "Tomorrow morning, you're outta here." " Well, l-I've just been trying to help you." " We don't need your help." " l- [Sighs] - [Door Closes]" "It-It's okay, baby." "It had to be done." " [Electricity Crackles] - [lntercom Beeps]" "Too bad the one person who could stop you from making mistakes like that... was told he has to move out next month." "[Marshall, Lily] Tomorrow!" "## [Hip-hop]" "Would either of you like a dance?" "[Stammering] I 'm always ready to rock." "[Chuckling] And I'm always ready to roll." "[Together] So" "[Thinking] I'm not ready to rock." "[Thinking] Rolling makes me dizzy." "[Together] ...oh" " Hell, yeah!" " Yeah!" "I'm buying my man a lap dance, 'cause that's just how I do!" "Party like a rock star!" "[Whimpering] Party like a rock star." "Hey, guys, it's Ted." "Um, you're probably busy with the move still." "Um, give me a call if you wanna gab." "Sorry about using the word "gab."" "Ted, stop pining over Marshall and Lily." "Have some self-respect." "Now put this fiver in your mouth... so that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with her" " Barney!" " Wh-What?" "I'm allowed to miss them." "They're my two best friends." "I'm your two best friends!" "And we're here tonight to show you there's no need to miss something... when you can replace it with something better!" "[Announcer] Gentlemen, say hello to J-J-Jasmine!" " [Barney Chortling] - [Audience Cheering]" "## [Rock]" "## [Rock]" "Remember her?" "[Ted Narrating] A while back, we discovered the most amazing thing" "Lily had a doppelgänger who was a Russian stripper." "Look at her, T ed." "She's just like old, less-good Lily... but instead of bossing us around, she shows us her boobs!" "No touching." "Okay, a little bossing us around." "I call her Better Lily." "Hey, Better Lily, please dance for my friend." "Barney, I don't need a lap dance." "I need to talk to my friends." "Who says you can't do both?" "Talk to her." "She's got ears." "Yes!" "She does have ears!" "You want to touch my girlfriend's boobs?" "Fifty bucks." "Wait." "Better Lily is dating this behemoth?" "Sound like anyone you know?" "That's New Marshall!" "This is our gang now!" "## [Folk:" "Russian]" "## [Men's Choir Vocalizing]" "## [Ends]" "Hey, guys." "Ted again." "Starting to think you forgot about me or replaced me with some cool neighbor." "What's his name?" "I'm totally kidding." "Anyway, uh, just trying to remember what your faces look like." "Ted, when they serve alcohol at a strip club, you're not allowed to show your vagina." "100 bucks and you will see the world, my friend." "They're already ignoring my calls?" "Look, I'm realistic." "I knew I'd have to get used to going to the dentist alone... but I didn't think they'd cut me out completely!" "If they don't need us, we don't need them!" "Yes!" "Finally." "By the way, did you see how she opened that bottle?" "[Chuckling]" "[Marshall] Whoa." "Lights out in the suburbs is-is really dark." " Where's the fuse box?" " [Lily] I don't know." " [Beeps]" " I know where it is!" "Maybe I could fix it for you if I wasn't so busy packing." "[Marshall] You know what?" "I bet the fuse box is in the basement." "I'll just" " I'll go find it myself." "How hard can it be?" " [Thump] - [Marshall Groans]" "As hard as that desk you just walked into?" "[Chortling]" "Good burn, Mickey!" "You deserve a little nightstand fudge for that one." "[Thinking] Where do I look?" "I can't look at her chest" "Damn it!" "I just did!" "Maybe Robin didn't notice." "[Thinking] Man, he's really up in those jugs." "[Laughs] Shake it, baby!" "A playa's gotta play." "[Thinking] This is weird." "I'll just look her in the eyes." "[Thinking] Is he falling in love with this stripper?" "[Thinking] Quick." "Do something cool." " Make it rain, son!" " Money ain't no thang!" "[Thinking] Damn it!" "There was a 20 in there!" "[Tinkling]" "[Mickey On Intercom] Hello, Mr. Eriksen." "From the sound of the wind chimes, I hear you've made it to the first floor." "Okay, you- you know what, Mickey?" "You can save the creepy game master routine." "It's only kind of terrifying me." "Oh, but the game has just begun." "I call it:" "Try Not to Bang into All the Furniture and Stuff... on Your Way to the Fuse Box in the Basement, Marshall." "That's just a working title." "Hey, you got a little boob glitter on your eyebrow, mack daddy." "Straight pimpin'." "Barney, you got a little bit too." "Where?" " Yeah." " Did I get it?" "Yeah, you got it." "Who needs Marshall and Lily?" "We got a new gang, and we're all gonna hang out together forever." "My shift is done." "Good-bye." "Wait, stop." "Technically, this song's not over, so we still own you." "Plus we're best friends!" "Where to next?" "We go to underground poker game... in mostly-abandoned insane asylum." "Yes!" "This is gonna be awesome!" "And when it is, I want you all to remember who led you there" "Barney Stinson, new group leader." "[Laughing] Yay!" "I'm winning all your chippies!" "[Giggling]" "[Muttering] Okay, stop." "I'm thirsty." "It's good." "It's good." "[lntercom Beeps]" "[Lily] Marshall, I just remembered." "I saw a box of matches in the drawer by the trash can." "Okay, thanks, baby." "Lily, I can't find them!" "Looking for these?" "[Chortling]" "Oh, right." "You can't see me." "Um, well, I'm burning the matches you so desperately need." "[Chortling]" "Aah!" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "Ow." "Ha!" "Oh!" "Ha-ha-ha!" "Mickey, guess who found the basement stairs!" "I'll be down at that fuse box in no time... and, when I get there..." "I'm sure that, um, I'll figure out... how fuse boxes work, so it'll be fine." "Hey, Marshall, I know I've been messing with you... but, seriously, that second step, don't" "I don't wanna hear it, Mickey." "[Yelling]" "[Clattering Down Stairs]" "Oh, my knee!" "Ow!" " [Cymbals Crashing]" " And watch out for my drum set." "I win again!" "I was bluffing!" "I didn't even have enough cards!" "Ted, please stop winning." "Hey, look." "It's the New York City skyline." "# We built Chip City #" "[Grunting]" "# We built Chip City on all your dough #" "# Built Chip City ##" " [Groaning] - [Barney Screaming]" "You know, Butterfly Knife- [Grunts]" "I'd expect this from Face Tattoo or Jagged Cheek Scar or Larry." " But not you." " Why don't I get nickname?" "Because you have too many things, Larry!" "You get one thing!" "[Barney Gasping]" "[Speaking Russian]" "See?" "That's why you bring New Marshall!" "[Giggling]" "[Gasping, Panting]" "We go to party in slaughterhouse." "You come?" "[Thinking] Please, God, no!" "[Thinking, Sobbing] Don't let me be in charge... of the gang anymore!" "[Thinking] I can't believe Dr. Kevin doesn't remember me... from our sessions three years ago." "[Thinking] Is that the lunatic that stabbed all those prison guards?" "[Thinking] We gotta hit that party!" "I'll never find love." "We gotta hit that party!" " Sweet." " Sweet." "Lily?" "I think we made a mistake moving out to the suburbs." "I miss our home." "I miss our booth with our friends." "[Cymbals Crash]" "And I'm pretty sure I have a drumstick... somewhere bad." "Dad?" "Why are you acting like this?" "Well, I was just trying to be helpful." "But you guys want me out by the Fourth of July." " Tomorrow." " [Sighs]" "You know what a helpful father- not to mention grandfather- might do?" "Get these lights back on." "[Beeps]" "Okay, Marshall, listen up." "I'm gonna get you to that fuse box." "Can't you just come down here and do it for me, please?" "I don't know anything about this house." "No, Marshall, you don't know anything about your house." "All right, we got a lot of work to do." "Wait here." "We get you on "V.P.I." list for party." "You give us, uh, $200 per person cover charge." "That's pretty steep for a cover charge." "Is very good party." "Is party for, uh..." "New York Yankees and Coca-Cola." "Oh, my God!" "A Coca-Cola Yankees party?" "That sounds like a real thing!" "Okay, now, Marshall, take three steps forward... while ducking underneath the broken ceiling fan." "Now look to your left and spit." " [Spits] - [Sizzling]" "That's the water heater." "You wanna stay away from that." "That baby is hotter than the Widow Rodriguez in a unitard." "Okay, past the washer and dryer is the hardest part." "You're gonna have to belly-crawl underneath the ping-pong table... and don 't so much as nudge it." " Why not?" " Because there are 900 dominoes... set up in the shape of Barbara Eden." "Big, big I Dream of Jeannie fan." " I 'm clear!" " [Thump]" "[Dominoes Rippling]" "I don't know what that sound is, Mickey." "That's the sound of Barbara Eden never banging me." "That's what that is." "Dad, get it back." " [Beeps] - [Dominoes Rippling]" "Okay, Marshall, take three steps forward... and you should be at the fuse box." "Do you think he made it?" " [Click] - [Gasps]" "[Gasps] I did it!" "No, Marshall." "You did it." "[Ted Narrating] Fun fact." "That night inspired Mickey's one and only successful board game." "[Man Singing] # With splintery floorboards and rusty nails #" "# Make sure you don 't get impaled #" " [Electricity Crackles] - # Lites Out!" "##" "[Announcer] Brought to you by Aldrin Games!" "Well, judging from how many clients that hooker has serviced..." "I 'd say we've been here almost an hour." "Ted, we've been robbed." "Better Lily and New Marshall would never rob us." "They're our best friends!" " [Barney Gasping] - [New Marshall Speaking Russian]" "Damn it, Ted." "New Marshall is an escaped zoo bear... and the only thing that Better Lily is better at than our Lily... is over-the-pants hand stuff, I'm assuming." "I'll admit it." "I can't lead this group." "We need Marshall and Lily." "But they're gone, aren't they?" "I mean, it'll go from seeing them a couple times a week to a couple times a month... and then it'll just be holiday parties." "Then the years pass... and you find out Marshall's dead... and you're there for Lily emotionally at first... but then it becomes sexual and you feel guilty." "But maybe that guilt just makes it dirtier and better." "No!" "I won't let that happen." "Especially that last part." "Look, I know I've been a little drunk and naive tonight, but here's what's gonna happen." "First, we're gonna leave a note for Better Lily and Arvydas." " They're worriers." " Oh, buddy." "Then we're gonna go see Only Marshall and One-Of-A-Kind Lily... because they're our best friends and they're only 46 minutes away!" " Are you with me?" " Kinda resent the power grab, but, okay, let's go!" "Hey, do you wanna come to Long lsland with us?" "Uh, well, there's still a few more hours before the sun comes up." "[Together] So" " No." " No?" " Is that bad?" " [Exhales]" "No." "It's great." "Ooh, it felt so good." "I hate doing things and going anywhere." "New experiences suck!" "[Laughing]" "While we're at it, I hate high-fiving you!" "I know." "We're adults who are sleeping together, not teens pledging a frat." "[Thinking] Aw, man, I really liked the high-five." "[Ted Narrating] The next morning..." "Marshall and Lily woke up to a surprise." "[Wind Chimes Tinkling]" "Hey, what are you- what are you guys doing here?" "Just wanted to make sure this key worked." "[Sighs] We missed you." "Give mama a hug." "[All Sighing]" "Uh, don't check your voice mail." "You might have a couple weird ones." " You hear this?" " ## [Rock]" "This is the sound of me moving on!" "Whoo!" "[Laughing]" "Yeah!" "I'm a stripper!" "Okay!" "Who wants pancakes?" "Which two of you want pancakes?" "I'll make more." " Oh, good, good, good!" "'Cause I want pancakes!" " There you go." "Okay." "Enjoy 'em." "Hey, honey." "Look, l-I'm sorry I was a jerk before." "Okay?" "I'll" " I'll leave right after breakfast." "I'll crash with some friends." "Dad, you know what?" "You can stay." "Oh, thank God." "I got no friends." "I'll be here two weeks, tops." "[Ted Narrating] It wasn't two weeks." "Would the five of us always live within a few minutes of that booth?" "No." "That's life, kids." "But here 's what I discovered." "Our booth was wherever the five of us were together." "That's right, Widow Rodriguez." "Stretch it." "Work those gams." "Ooh, yeah." "Grab that left arm." "Clutch that chest." "Fall down really fast" "Oh, my God!" "Somebody call 911!"