"Parade, rest!" "As you all know, tonight Colonel Blake will resume his command after a week in Tokyo." "Unless I made a few remarks about my recent stint as your temporary supreme commander," "I would be derelict in my officiousness." "By trying to introduce more discipline, more order," "I have hopefully made this a more enjoyable war for all of us." "Leadership is a lonely business." "Your Napoleons, your Kaisers, your Attilas the Hun, were all alone there in the front office, as I have been this week." "I have thought of you." "I know you have thought of me." "But some of the notes in the suggestion box were really below the belt." "Why drag my mother into this?" "Major..." "That's about it." "Corporal?" "Deform the men." "Company, ten hut!" "Dismissed!" " To the return of Henry Blake." " Able to leap tall bar stools in a single bound." " Faster than a speeding nurse." " It's Supercolonel!" " More cocoa, Frank?" " Just a smidge." "Frank, I'm gonna show you something you've never seen before." "My diary." "Last night's entry." ""Dear Diary." "I can't go to sleep before I tell you about my scrumptious Major FB."" ""In the last few days it's been so exciting to watch his growth as a commander."" ""Diary, I really feel this man - dare I say my man - has greatness in him."" ""And I am grateful that a little bit of it occasionally rubs off on me."" "Margaret..." " Major Burns, sir?" " He's not here." " We had a call from Colonel Blake." " What is it?" "Are you there?" " I just got here." " He's doing a snap inspection." "Yes, sirs." "Just slip the message under the door." "It's verbal." "I'll get my mouth dirty." " What is it?" " Colonel Blake's apologies, sir." "He won't be home for two more days and he said that you should keep carrying on." "I guess that goes for both of you." "That'll be all, Corporal." "Dismissed." "Smoke if you got 'em." "I don't smoke, sir." "Then go to sleep!" "On the double!" "Two whole days." " Hit it!" " Hit it!" "Ten hut!" " The OR was jumping?" " Full house every night." " We're ready to open the war on Broadway." " Lots of head wounds." "Comes from trying to take hills the other guys are fond of." "You pulled every one of them through." "You guys make me look awful good." " All right, Henry, what is it?" " What is what it?" "You're bursting with something." "Your face could open a branch smile." "OK, guys." "Brace yourselves." " Sit down." " We're sitting, Henry." "Then I'll sit." "I can't sit." "I'm already sitting." "Then I gotta stand." " Henry." " OK, guys." "I'm in love." "OK." "OK." "I know it's crazy." "I'm 44 years old, and I only hear about half of what anybody says." "I'm starting to brush my hair with a towel." "My hips are forming a rain gutter for my waist." "I'm considering moving my cot into the men's latrine so that I can cut down on the travelling time." "And yet this middle-aged mess from Bloomington, Illinois, is head-over-heels, puppy dog in love." "Don't keep us in suspense." "Who's the man, woman or child?" "Check one." " The fourth picture's the best." " That's a nice-looking kid." " Real winner." " And you're in love with her mother?" "Get out." "No, that's it, that's her." "Nancy Sue Parker." "Nancy Sue." "Did you ask her age before the gym teacher called the police?" "Just a minute, here." "She's no kid." "She'll be 21 in August." "Henry, you've got a corn that's 21." "OK, OK." "I know, I know." " I'm a damn fool, right?" " We didn't say that." "Where did you meet her?" "I'm in the Dai-ichi Hotel coffee shop with Mel Rosenbloom." "He's the..." " The UN gynaecologist." " The UN gynaecologist." "And we're trying to decide which bathhouse to go to after breakfast." "The hostess comes over and she says "Do you mind sharing?"" "And wham, bang!" "Miss Nancy Sue Parker of Independence, Ohio, pulls up a chair and sits right down at my heart." "Hit me." "She's a clerk-typist, a civilian." "With the air force." "Our eyes met and it was as though we'd known each other all our lives." "Except that you're one life up on her." "Half-hour later there I am, Dr Henry Blake, walkin' down the Ginza, holding hands with that beautiful kid, capillaries wide open, wanting to yell "I'm in love!" to everybody in sight." "Secure in the knowledge that very few Japanese correspond with your wife." "You said the magic word." "An ordinary word." "Something found around the house every day." "What am I gonna do about Lorraine?" "Henry, what is there to do?" "You flung your fling." "You spent a week in the rumble seat of the time machine." "Back to "Dr and Mrs Henry Blake regret to announce their forthcoming anniversary."" "It's not that simple." "I mean, you guys aren't reading me." "I got the big L. L-u-v." " The real thing." " Hawkeye pegged it." " Think you're the first to do what you did?" " Hold it." "It's happened to many a married man, dead or alive." "You can't always tell the difference." "Why don't you just file this under "Andy Hardy Remembers his Teeth in the Glass"?" "OK." "I think you guys'll be clued in a little better on Friday, when Miss Parker comes up for the weekend from Tokyo." "Gloryosky, Henry." "I'll all be on the up-and-up, of course." "Of course." "She'll have her own tent, and I'll be in mine." "Right." "Now if you'll excuse us, we'll start digging the tunnel." "Hello?" " The door's locked, sir." " Hang on, Radar." " This door's never locked." " Just hold your bladder, Radar." "Come in." " What is it, Radar?" " Sir?" " You wanted to see me?" " Yes." "Captain Cosgrove confirmed that he'll fly Miss Parker - that's the young lady - here at 1700 hours Friday night." " Thank you." " Yes, sir." "Flowers will be placed in the VIP tent immediately after delousing and disinfecting." "That's lovely." "Anything else?" "There'll be Japanese lanterns in the officers' club, and the cook is making a special cocktail dip out of powdered eggs, lard and prune juice." "Sounds yummy." " Radar?" " Sir?" "See to it that this gets put on the jukebox, please." ""You Make Me Feel So Young"?" " Is that it?" " Yes, sir." "Good." "These letters from home came while you were away." "Just put 'em on my desk." "If you want, I could wait for you to dictate an answer." "That'll do, Radar." "Yes, sir." " How you doin', champ?" " Terrific." "Henry, your hair is bleeding." "Four... five..." "Half-hour to Miss Parker, sir." " You OK?" " Of course I am." "27, 28... 29..." " Henry, she get here yet?" " Not yet." " The school bus must be late." " 86 on those cracks." " As a personal order." " OK, Henry." "Teenager at two o'clock." " Hi." " Hi, Henry." "Easy now, watch it." "Don't get your pretty little foot caught." "Kill your engine, will ya?" "I'm a doctor." "You can believe me, that's a nice leg." "That sweater's not filled with chopped liver, either." "Radar!" "Miss Nancy Sue Parker, these are Captains Pierce..." " And these are Captains McIntyre." " Hi." "It's so nice to meet you." "Henry's told me what great doctors you are." "Just by seeing you, I can tell it's true." " Radar!" " Sir." " Would you take Miss Parker's..." " Bags." "And you." "You just have to be Corporal O'Reilly." "Yes, I just have to be, ma'am." "Nobody else wants to be." "Is he adorable!" "You just wanna take him home and cuddle him." "We do that all the time." "But if you get him wet, his stuffing comes out." "OK, guys." "I think we'll just run along." "Would you like to freshen up, Nancy?" "Whatever you say." "You're the boss." " Nice to have met you." "Will I see you again?" " Yes." "We live here." "Come along, dear." " What do you think?" " The age difference could be a problem." "She's 21 and his wife is 42." "Here you go." "We've had a lot of VIPs in here, but no one viper than you." "OK, Radar." "Thanks a lot." " Will that be all, sir?" " That'll be more than all, Radar." "Do you want to answer those letters home, sir?" "Not now, Radar." " Bye, Radar." " Bye, ma'am." "He really is adorable." "The whole place is adorable." "Henry." " Gosh, did I ever miss you." " Me, too." " You're all I thought about." " Me, too." " What are you wearing?" " Practically nothing." "Rats!" "I gotta go on duty." "I got a patient with a weepy abscess." " I love you." " Me, too." " Good evening." " Hi, Kwang." " Dry martini, right, Captain?" " There should be dust on the olive." " Sheila?" " I'd like something weak." "How about me?" "I can't say no to anybody." " I'll just have some ginger ale." " Yes, ma'am." "There she is." "I'd like you to meet two of my friends." "This is Bob Dwight." "Is that what all the fuss is about?" "He's making ajackass out of himself." " It's immoral." " Disgusting." " Frank, is that your knee?" " I thought it was yours." "As long as it's ours." "Watch it." "All we have to be is polite." "Simply correct." "Anything more looks like we approve." "How could we?" "A married man fooling around with another woman." "Honey, I want you to meet some people." "Miss Parker, Majors Houlihan and Burns." " Nancy, Margaret, Frank." " I'm Frank, she's Margaret." "It's a very genuine pleasure to have you at the 4077th, Nancy dear." "It's mine too." "Everyone's been so terrific about being nice to me." "It's nice to be nice to the nice." "She's darling, Henry." "Looks a little like your oldest daughter, doesn't she, Frank?" "He has three." "They're all back in the States." "Well, goom-bye, people." "We're gonna wet our whistle." "Glad to have met you." ""Nice to be nice to the nice"?" "Just making conversation." "Try doing it with your mouth shut." "Have fun, kids." "You remember Captain Pierce." "And this is Lieutenant Sturner." " Hi." " Hi." "Can I interest you two in a blast?" "Kwang, we'll have..." "One pink lady." "And I'll have a peach blow fizz." "Golly." "You really have a fun command." " Now you have gone and done it." " Done what, dear?" "This is just like my music from Ohio State." "I used to be a cheerleader." "I don't know why that doesn't surprise me." "Does that take me back to those Saturday afternoons!" "Kwang, I think we'll have our drinks at the table." " Makes my legs homesick." " Give us a cheer, Nance." "Come on, one for the Gipper." " Look at Henry." " The proud father." "That was swell!" "Big news: the team broke its leg and they want you to star in the second half." "I used to be so much better." "I'm so out of shape." " Is there anything I can do to help?" " Steady, McIntyre." " Your drinks, Colonel." " Thanks." "That was really nice." "Attention Drs Blake and McIntyre." "Report to surgery on the double." "It's an emergency." "Drs Blake and McIntyre." " Fudge!" " I'll work with Trapper." "No." "You've had a little of the wet stuff, Pierce." "I'll take it." "I'll be right back." "Nancy, it's all in a day's work." "Come on, McIntyre." "We'll keep your drinks warm." "What do you think?" " I meant Nancy." " What's not to like?" "Yeah." " Suction." " Suction." "Everybody likes Nancy." "I honestly think even my wife would like her." "Henry, get away from the ether." "This happened three times." "The guy turned to his wife and said..." "Thanks a lot." " Good night, Captain." " Good night, Lieutenant." " Aren't you supposed to salute?" " We don't know each other well enough." " Good night, Nancy." "Nice meeting you." " Me, too." "She your girl?" "No, I'm married to my work." "I'm too cheap to buy a ring." " Here you go." "I'll see you tomorrow, I'm sure." " I'm sure." " Breakfast is at five." " But isn't it still dark then?" "It helps if you can't see it." " Speaking of seeing..." " The light is right here." " Thanks." " No charge." " You're tall." " My folks planned it that way." "They saved up their money so I'd be tall when I was 21." " I love tall men." " Me, too." "I've always been crazy about Abe Lincoln." "The first time we met, you knew it too." "It was in the air." "That was Henry." "He was sweating a lot." "Nancy..." "First, I want to thank you from the bottom of my mouth." "Secondly, we're not in the parking lot at the prom." "And, lastly, one of us loves Henry Blake, and I think it's me." "It was nice meeting you and your pompoms." "Hey, buddy." "Beat it." "I haven't got a dime for a cup of coffee." "Nancy just gave me a good-night tonsillectomy you wouldn't believe." "You're kidding." " And Henry thinks he's found the real thing." " Holy cow!" "Radarjust got Henry outta post-op to talk to his wife on the telephone." "Come on, before he blows his marriage." " Was she good?" " My lips may never walk again." "Don't send me your stubs." "I can't balance your chequebook in a war zone." "Lorraine." "Lorraine." "Lorraine, please don't talk to me and the kids at the same time." "Andrew?" "Andrew, I don't care if your sister did put an ice cube down your underwear." "Girls will do that." "You mustn't hit her with the dog." "Look, Andrew, until I get home, you're the man of the house." "Yeah." "Yeah, I know Mommy thinks that she is, but you really are." "So behave yourself, and take good care of everybody till I get back." "Just as soon as the war is over, son." "OK, pal, put her on." "Lorraine, honey?" "Send me the cheque stubs." "I'll straighten it out." "Of course I do." "Goodbye, darling." "What do you guys want?" "We just wanted to say good night, Henry." "Remember I said I found a girl who was the real thing?" "She's $68 overdrawn." " Good night." " Good night, Henry." "Night." " Radar?" " Sir?" " My wife was very grateful that I called her." " Yes, sir." "Makes me wish I had." "I figured since you didn't have time to answer her letters..." "Good night, Radar." "See you at breakfast." " Yes, sir." "Five o'clock sharp." " Let's give ourselves a treat. 5.15" "Yes, sir." "Now, you will call me, won't you, Henry?" "Yeah, sure." "I don't get to Tokyo that often, but you'll be the first." "Goodbye, Henry." "That's life, huh?" "I couldn't wait till she got here and now I'm glad she's gone." " Just as well, Henry." " If you'd sucked your gut in once more, your bellybutton would've fallen out your backside."