" What are you doing here ?" " Watching you sleep." " Why ?" " It makes me feel peaceful." "Please." " I can't sleep now !" " You want me to sing ?" "That's it." "I want you out of the apartment now !" "What are you talking about ?" "Hannibal Lecter." "Better roommate than you." "You're not fair !" "One night you see me and you get scared." "What about the other nights when you don't see me ?" "Last night when you got water, I was nice enough to hide behind the door." "I didn't realize that." "Get out now !" " You really want me out ?" " Yes, please." "I wanna hear you say you want me out." " I want you out." " I wanna hear it from your lips." "Where did you hear it from before ?" "All right." "Consider me gone." "[UNCUT] I'll move into my brother's basement." "[UNCUT] When he finds out, I'll go find someplace else." "I'll be out by the time you get home from work tomorrow." " Thank you." " I heard that." "The One Where Eddie Won't Go" " Hey." " Hey." "Well, look at you !" "Finally got that time machine working, huh ?" "This guy was selling them on 8th Avenue and I thought :" " "You know what I don't have ?"" " A mirror ?" "Fine, make fun." "I think it's jaunty." "For a guy who just lost his job, you're in a good mood." "I'll be all right." "I'm not starting from square one." "I was Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days of our Lives." "That's gotta have some kind of cachet." ""Cachet" ? "Jaunty" ?" "Chandler gave me word-of-the-day toilet paper." "I'm gonna get some coffee." "[UNCUT] Go on." "You know you want to." "[UNCUT]" " No." "[UNCUT]" " No ?" " Hey." " Hey." "So ?" "Did you read the book ?" "Oh, my God." "It was incredible." "Didn't it totally speak to you ?" " What book ?" " You have to read this book." "It's called Be Your Own Wind Keeper." "It's about how women need to become more empowered." "But there's wind." "And the wind can make us goddesses." "But do you know who takes our wind ?" "Men." "They just take it." "Men just take our wind ?" "All the time." "Because they are the lightning-bearers." "Wow." "That sounds kind of cool." "It's like The Hobbit." "It's nothing like The Hobbit." "It's like reading about all my relationships." "Except Richard." " Richard would never steal your wind." " No." " Because he's yummy." " Yes." "But all the other ones..." "And how they're always drinking from our pool of inner power." " But God forbid we should take a sip." " Anybody want a cruller ?" "This is a typical lightning-bearer thing." "It's like, "Hello." "Who wants one of my phallic-shaped man-cakes ?"" "[UNCUT] Who have you been dating ?" "Don't worry about it." "Things happen." "So you're not mad at me for getting fired and everything ?" "Joey, look at me." "Look at me !" "Do I have lipstick on my teeth ?" "No." "Can we get back to me ?" "Look, honey." "People get fired left and right in this business." "I got you an audition for Another World." "All right." ""Cab Driver Number 2" ?" "You're welcome." "But I was Dr. Drake Ramoray." "How can I go from a neurosurgeon to driving a cab ?" "[UNCUT] Hey." "There was a time when I played tickle-pickle with Rex Harrison." "Things change." "Roll with them." "But this is a two-line part." "It's like taking a step backwards." "I'm not gonna do this." "Joey I'll tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs." "Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor." "I'm sorry." "See you." "God !" "Oh, God !" "I mean, it's just so..." "Isn't it ?" "It's like reading about my own life." "This book could have been called, "Be Your Own Wind Keeper, Rachel."" "It wouldn't sell a million copies." "But it would've made a nice gift for you." " Hey, you guys." " Hey." "Sweetie, we've got to go." "No !" "No ?" "Why do we always have to do everything according to your timetable ?" "Actually, it's the movie theater that has the timetable." "It's so you don't miss the beginning." "This isn't about the movie theater." "This is about you stealing my wind." "You go, girl !" "I can't pull that off, can I ?" "Excuse me, your wind ?" "Yes, my wind." "How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow ?" "You know I don't have a problem with that." "I just really need to be with myself right now." "I'm sorry." "You're right." "I don't have to apologize." "Sorry." "Damn it !" " What is it ?" " I don't know." "It's got all this stuff about wind and trees and a sacred pool." "I don't get it." "But she's upset about it." "This is why I don't date women who read." " Uh-oh." " What's that ?" "It's my Visa bill." "Envelope one of two." " That can't be good." " Open it, open it." "Oh, my God." "Look at this." "How did I spend so much money ?" "That's just the minimum amount due." "That's your total due." "Thirty-five hundred dollars at "Porcelain Safari" ?" "My animals." "The guy said they suited me." "He spoke with an accent." "I was confused." "What am I gonna do ?" "Start by driving a cab on Another World." " What ?" " That audition ?" "That's a two-line part." "Joey, you owe $1100 at "I Love Lucite."" " So what ?" " So suck it up, man." "It's a job." "It's money." "I don't need you getting judgmental and condescending and pedantic." " Toilet paper ?" " Yeah." "I'm not any of those." "I'm being realistic." " You're supposed to be my friend." " I am." "Then tell me things like, "You'll be fine."" " "Something big's coming." "I know it !"" " I don't." "What I do know is you owe $2300 at "Isn't It Chromantic ?"" "I'm aware of what I owe." "Then get some sense." "It took 10 years to get that job." " How long till the next ?" " I don't wanna hear it !" " I'm just saying..." " Well, don't just say !" " Maybe I should just go." " Okay." "Okay." "I'll see you later." " Just think about it." " I don't need to think about it !" "I was Dr. Drake Ramoray !" "That was huge !" "Big things are gonna happen !" "You'll see !" "Ross ?" "You still there ?" "Hey, pal !" " What are you still doing here ?" " Dehydrating fruits and vegetables." "Man alive, this thing's fantastic !" " Aren't you forgetting anything ?" " Right." "I got us a new goldfish." "He's feistier than the last one." "Maybe because the last one was made by Pepperidge Farm." "Isn't there something else you're supposed to be doing ?" "Not unless it's got to do with dehydrating." "Right now I'm a dehydrating maniac !" "Look, we had a deal." "I thought by the time I got..." "You know what that is ?" "Your last roommate's kidney ?" "That's a tomato." "This one definitely goes in the display." "Hey, Gunther." "Let me get a lemonade to go." "Lemonade ?" "You okay, man ?" "It's career stuff." "They killed off my character on the show." "That's too bad." "How'd they do it ?" "I fell down an elevator shaft." "That sucks." "I was buried in an avalanche." " What ?" " I was Bryce on All My Children." "Why must everybody watch me sleep ?" "No more watching me sleep !" "No more... watching !" "I got new stuff to dehydrate." "I got some grapes and apricots." "I thought it'd be cool to do water balloons." "Get out." "Get out, get out, get out !" " What ?" " You." "Move out !" "Take your fruit." "Your stupid small fruit and get out !" "You want me to move out ?" "I gotta tell you, that's kind of out of the blue." "This is not out of the blue." "This is smack-dab in the middle of the blue !" "Relax !" "Take it easy, buddy !" "You don't have to tell me twice." "Someone will be by for my stuff." "If you think I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane !" " You want some help ?" " No help required, chico !" "[UNCUT] You don't see that every day." ""All the way to the airport ?" "That's over 30 miles."" ""That's gonna cost you about so bucks."" "Excuse me, that's 50 bucks." " What ?" " Five-O dollars." "You know what it is ?" "It's smudgy because they're fax pages." "When I was on Days of our Lives as Dr. Drake Ramoray they'd send over the whole script on real paper." "That's great." "If you wanted to expand this scene, like have the cab crash I could attend to the victims." "I have a background in medical acting." " Thanks for coming in." " Don't thank me for coming in." "At least let me finish." ""We could take the expressway."" ""But this time of day, you're better off taking the budge."" "You were going for "bridge," weren't you ?" "I'll have a good day." "[UNCUT] Honey, I know you didn't mean to." "[UNCUT] I know, me too." "[UNCUT] Hang up." "You're supposed to be taking a goddess quiz." "[UNCUT] You should lose 100 points for calling your boyfriend in the middle of it." "Question 28." ""Have you ever allowed a lightning-bearer to take your wind ?"" "I would have to say no." "And I would have to say :" " What ?" " You don't remember the puppet guy ?" "You totally let him wash his feet in the pool of your inner power." "And his puppet too !" "At least I didn't let a guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date !" " Who ?" " Paul !" "Oh." "Moving on." "Next question." "Okay, number 29." ""Have you ever betrayed another goddess for a lightning-bearer ?" Number 30." "Whoa, whoa, whoa !" "Let's go back to 29." "Not to my recollection." "Danny Arshak, ninth grade." "You know the bottle was pointing at me." "Only because you took up half the circle." "Listen to you two." "It's so sad." "Looks like I'll be going to the goddess meetings alone." "Not if they find out you slept with Jason Hurley an hour after he broke up with Monica." "[UNCUT] Only an hour ?" "You are such a leaf-blower !" "[UNCUT]" " Pool-drainer." "[UNCUT]" " Twig-snapper." "[UNCUT] Monkey butt." "[UNCUT]" " That isn't in the book." "[UNCUT]" " No." "[UNCUT] But that's what you are." "Careful with that 3-D Last Supper." "Judas is a little loose." "Oh, my God !" "What's going on ?" "They're taking all my stuff back." "You were right." "I wasn't right." "That's what I came here to tell you." "I was hung up on my own stuff the other day." "No, listen." "I need the whole security thing, you know ?" "To know where my next paycheck is coming from." "You don't need that." "That's amazing to me." "I could never do what you do." " Thanks." " Hold out for something bigger." "I have so much respect for you for not going to that cab driver audition." " I went." " Great !" "How was it ?" " I didn't get it." " Good !" "You're living the dream !" "Huh ?" "All right, then !" "Not my parrot." "I can't watch this." "Hey, hold on, hold on." "How much for the... ?" "How much to save the bird ?" " Twelve hundred." " Dollars ?" "You spent $1200 on a plastic bird ?" "It was an impulse buy near the register." "Go ahead with the bird." "Do you have anything for around $200 ?" "The dog." "Yeah." "I'll take it." "My gift to you, man." "Thanks, Ross !" "I really liked that bird, though." "But the dog !" " Here are your cakes." " We didn't order cake." "No, I know." "They're from me." "This isn't good." "We have enough trouble with guys stealing our wind without taking each other's." "You're right." "I love you goddesses." "I don't ever want to suck your wind again." " Thank you." "So are we good ?" " We're good." " We're good ?" " Yes." "Let me take these back." "They'll take it out of my paycheck." "Ding-dong, the psycho's gone !" " Are you sure this time ?" " Yes." "I actually saw him leave." "That guy is standing in the window holding a human head !" "I tore it off some mannequin in the alley behind Macy's." "There's no alley there." "I got in the junior miss department." "Big diff." "It can be at our next cocktail party." ""Our next cocktail party" ?" "We'll put chips in it." "We'll make it a chip chick." "Do you remember yesterday ?" "Yes, I think I vaguely recall it." "Do you remember talking to me yesterday ?" "Yes." " What happened ?" " We took a road trip to Las Vegas." "Oh, sweet Moses !" "On this road trip, you win any money ?" "I crapped out." "But Mr. 21 here !" "He cleans up !" "$300 !" " He buys me these new shoes." " Nice." "See you upstairs." "See you, pals." "Is anyone else starting to really like him ?" "May I help you ?" "Why doesn't my key work, and why's my stuff downstairs ?" "I'm sorry." "Have we met ?" "It's Eddie, you freak !" "Your roommate." "I'm sorry I already have a roommate." "Hello." "He's lived here for years." "I don't know what you're talking about." "No." "He moved out and I moved in." "Well, I think we'd remember something like that." "I know I would." "That's a good point." "Okay, wow." "I guess I got the wrong apartment." " I'm terribly sorry." " Hey, no problem." "See you." "Goodbye, you fruit-drying psychopath." " You want me to help you unpack ?" " No, I'm okay." "Just so you know, I'm not moving back because I have to." "I mean, I do have to, but..." "It's just that that place, it wasn't really..." "I mean, this is..." "Welcome home, man." " A little foos ?" " Absolutely." "What happened to the foosball ?" "It's a cantaloupe." "Are we bringing this out every time Ross comes ?" "He paid a lot of money for it." "I'm gonna hold him a different way." "If you hated it so much, why did you buy it ?" "I had a whole ceramic zoo thing going over there." "But without the others, it looks tacky." "[UNCUT] Yeah." "With things like this, more is always better." "Is he housetrained or will he leave little bathroom tiles all over ?" "Stay." "Stay !" "Good fake dog."