"A man is on a journey." "Danger follows him." "His path is not simple." "_" "Through the woods, he runs." "Like prey." "Oy!" "Oy!" "The complaint to Ofcom." "Silence." "A period of anguished awaitment." "El gringo de la morte." "Commonly known as death." "No!" "No!" "Please, no!" "Don't let it cut to black." "No!" "I'm pleased to announce today's guest speaker is Detective Inspector Jack Cloth, from City of Town police." "Who will be sharing the benefit of his many years experience profiling the criminal mind, and intimidating suspects." "So, without further ado," "Jack Cloth." "Jack Cloth." "The Official Manual of Investigatory Practice." "Regarded as a sacred text by practically every member of the police force." "The Cambridge Book of Crime Prevention." "Throwing the Book at Them." "Cop Party, by Todd Carty." "Interrogations." "Truncheoneering." "Ballistics." "Wounds." "Useless." "No amount of reading, can prepare you for being a cop." "No amount of words on ink, no... pages full of books, no, nothing can prepare you for your first day on the job." "The violence." " The men shouting "boo" in your face." " Boo!" "Every minute on the force is a question." "Can you get a grip on the paperwork?" "Can you hold it together?" "Where do they keep the staplers and the female uniforms, come to that?" "What exactly are you looking for in this corridor?" "Can you handle the tension?" "The stress?" "The unexpected gorilla attack?" "And you're haunted, by your own case files." "Photographs of hostages that you failed to save." "Bus stop bestiality, harrowing images you hoped you'd never see again." "Then there's the dog work." "Reviewing CCTV tapes for hours." "Staring at the same grainy black and white footage of an alleyway, forever." "In the hope of seeing something." "Anything." "A clue, a morsel." "Something." "Anything to stop that voice in your head that says" ""you're wasting your time"." "Drives you insane that voice." "So angry, so..." "Scottish." "You know it's a waste of time, but still, you keep looking through this stuff." "Staring at pictures of things that once were." "Images of yesterday." "Pointless memories." "_" "Is he a hottie?" "And ultimately, what's it even for?" "So you catch the bad guy." "Well done." "But what's really changed?" "The dead stay dead." "And the living stay living." "Until they die." "At which point, they stay dead, and you can't save the dead." "I've tried!" "They're just too damn dead!" "End of lecture." "Thanks." "Six sheets of paper is a lot for a woman." "I thought I could handle it." " I suppose I thought wrong." " Don't worry." "We're all women on the first day." "This place will soon kick the tits off you." "Is it that obvious I'm new?" "When people have been here a while, they get a sort of, beaten look about them." "Also... this is a give-away." " Who are you reporting to?" " Jack Cloth." "Have you seen him?" " Ask an old man." " Where would I find one?" "Try the ladies." "Upstairs." "Thank you." "_" "Is there an old man in here?" "Who wants to know?" "Kerry." "Kerry Newblood." "What d'you want, Kerry Kerry Newblood?" "I was told you'd know where I might find..." "Jack Cloth." "Boys down the station say he's delivering an iconoclastic lecture to some idealistic-looking extras." "Trying to establish his character, no doubt." " But where would I..." " Try the corridor." "It's where he likes to bump into new recruits." "Thank you." "You... you know you've been really helpful." "It's good to know there are female officers" "I can really look up to around here." " Oh!" " For God's sake!" "Sorry." "Sorry." "Why aren't these stapled together?" " You could have killed someone!" " Sorry." "It's my first day." "And your last, if you don't watch your step." "Who's your CO?" "Jack Cloth." "Just my luck." "Why do you say that?" "What do you know about him?" "Well, I've heard the stories." "They say that he's got demons." "That he's washed up." "He's off the rails." "But a genius?" " No, they don't say that." " What else do they say about him?" "Well, they say he's the sort of man who embarrass you by getting you to tell him what other people have said about him, and then revealing he's actually him." "Do they now?" "Not now, but then at the time they said it, that's what they said." "Hmm." "Well, I'm DI Jack Cloth." " And you are?" " Kerry." "Kerry Newblood." "Just Kerry Newblood." "Well, Kerry Kerry Newblood Just Kerry Newblood." "Why don't you show me what you can do with a door?" "So you're fresh meat hatched in the academy." " I'm guessing you do have qualifications." " Good ones." " This tells me nothing." " It's printed on the other side." "Top grades in fingerprint analysis, forensic examination, criminal procedure, the gathering of evidence." "None of it anything to do with police work." "A curriculum vitae might look all right in your CV, but it's not worth the paper it's torn on." "10 years at the academy won't prepare you for 10 minutes out there." "That's where your real training starts!" " On the streets." "By the bins." " Yes, sir." "I'll do my best." "I've seen this job break the best." "Turn them from hotshot to cold shit in the blinking of a year." " Are you sure you can handle this?" " I think so." " A cop doesn't think, a cop knows." " I know so." "Think again!" "Asap Qureshi." "I'm on it." "Guv?" "They found a body." " What kind?" " Dead." "And human." "Well, Newblood, looks like you're about to experience a baptism of blood." "Welcome to the rest of your life." "Welcome to hell!" " Oh, I got you that Twix, guv." " Thank you." " We've got a corpse to lose, Des." " Guv." "Oh God." "What's wrong?" "I've never seen a corpse before." " Well, not a dead one." " Well, you never get used to it." "But you get used to that." "But you never get used to the way you get used to never getting used to it." "And that takes some getting used to." " You never get used to that." " I've got so much to learn." "Well, you can start by making yourself look less like a rookie." " How?" " Those heels for one thing." "Can you imagine chasing a suspect wearing those?" " Why would he be wearing them?" " It doesn't matter!" "By the time you've worked it out, he's got away." " And sort your hair out." " Why?" "Because if you don't tie it back, you're gonna need someone to help you hold it back," " while you vomit in the mortuary later." " Right." "And the eyeshadow... smoky shades are last year, this season it's all about neons." "So, there's a fresh young face on your team." "What about that fresh young face?" " I'm about to come on to that." " From here?" "This new rookie of yours... she's too attractive to lose." "If something happens to her, you're responsible." "Make sure you give her a hand." "Well there's no hands, not on my watch." "It's digital." "I've seen what happens when you're 'round new recruits." "They're the mice, and you're the trap." "A trap baited with bitter old grey cheese." " But..." " Old grey cheese, Cloth." "Ow!" "Here." "Box Wood." "Local forest." "525 acres." "Consisting of trees, soil, earthworms and other organic and biological matter." "Specific features of interest include an orienteering course, birdwatching facility, three separate dogging hotspots." "And that dead man." " Who found him?" " Colin Fox and family." "Out picnicking at the time." "Glad it hasn't ruined your appetite." "I remember when you took a more liberal attitude towards eating out," "Jack." " What are we looking at, Natasha?" " White, male, 40s," "Can't confront emotions because of personal tragedy." " And the body?" " White, male, 40s, can't confront emotions because he's dead." " Partially eaten by the looks of it." " Yep." "The Foxes have been at him." " You sicken me!" " He trod in our sandwiches." "Semen?" " Coffee." " No wonder you're drinking it slowly." "Ahh!" " Pillock." " Anus." " Bell-end." " Whore." " Any other identifying features?" " Not yet, but I'll know more when we've turned him over and looked for a face." "Ok." "Those are the facts we know." "What are the facts that aren't facts yet because we don't know them?" " Newblood?" " Yes, sir." "Question." "Murder's a lot like sex, why?" "Because there's nothing worse than walking in on your parents doing it." "Because some people are better at it than others." "Because some people find it easier in the dark." "Anne's right." "Frigid, and right." "This man was murdered during daylight hours, which implies the killer..." " Strikes during office hours?" " Couldn't wait 'til nightfall." "Five points to the home team." "Ok." " Describe the scene." " Unshaven." " Clothes on backwards." " He's on his stomach." " They don't always land the right way up." " Right." "Anything else?" "Look at his hand." "He's pointing at that tree." "Deciduous willow tree." "Of the Salix genus." "Bark sap, heavily charged with salicylic acid." " Common to temperate regions of the Northern..." " Thank you, Qureshi." " Why would he be pointing at a willow tree?" " Jack." "It's not Jack." "It's guv, sir." " Or admiral." " Sorry, guv, it's just..." " What?" " Well, judging by these footprints..." "I would say he was headed that way." "He was heading for us." "For the police." " But why?" " Roll him." "Oh my God." "He looks just like you." " It's my brother." " Your brother?" " My brother." " His brother?" " His brother." " Your brother?" "My brother." "Sorry." "Oh." "What happened to you?" "Whatever happened to me?" "What became of the people we used to be?" "I can't believe he's gone." "He hasn't, Jack." "I've just pulled a sheet over him." "Look." "Still there." "Take him away." "I need a drink." "Come on." "I said 'come on'." "_" "Me and Terry grew up together." "Played together." "I was always the Golden Boy, and he was the Black Sheep." "They were superhero names we made up ourselves." "Poor Bastard." "That was another one." "_" "Take it." "So, when did you last see Terry?" "About ten minutes ago, in the forest." "And before that?" "Years ago." "Things were... complex between us." "Terry'd started seeing this girl," "Deborah Something." "This is my girlfriend, Deborah Something." "Deborah had a sister, called Jill." "Before long, me and Jill started going out." "The four of us were close." "Always laughing at the stupidest things." "Then, one day, me and Jill went up a hill, to fetch a pail of water." "I fell down, and broke my crown, and Jill came tumbling after." "She ended up in a coma." "Deborah became my... shoulder to cry on." "And... you know how it is." "The musky scent of the hospital." "The rhythmic pumping of the ventilator, but I guess... we just couldn't help ourselves." "Then Terry came in." "At first he thought I was him." "Then the penny dropped." "He went berserk." "The shouting woke Jill up." "That was the worst moment in my life." "Apart from all the others." "Nothing was the same after that." "Jill vanished." "Terry forgave me, but I just couldn't forgive him for that." "He and Debbie broke up, and from then on, he only got in touch when he... needed something." "Money." "Help with the law." "Bone marrow." "I stopped opening his letters." "Didn't answer his calls." "Blocked him on Twitter." "I blame myself for what happened." "Don't blame Myself for what happened." "Ah, but don't you see?" "The footprints..." "Terry was coming to find me." "He needs one last thing from me." "He wants me to find his killer." "To my brother." " Ugh." "Sorry." " It's ok." "♪ Super Mario ♪" "♪ Sanctus Spiritus ♪" "♪ Estée Lauder ♪" "♪ Let in bodius!" "♪" "♪ Test for poisons ♪" "♪ minimum ♪" "♪ Edward Miliband!" "♪" "So how come we're out here when the funeral's in there?" "We're on lookout." "The killer often makes an appearance at the victim's funeral." "They get something from it." "A thrill." "Sense of closure." "Souvenir brochure." "You know how killers tick." "That's impressive." "To catch any criminal you have to think like they do." "Imagine you're them and then, arrest yourself." " You have to get inside them." " But how?" "I mean, how would you go about getting inside me?" "I can think of a few entry points." "Well maybe you could fill me in back at base?" "Yeah." "I'd like that." "You're too kind to be a cop." "Why'd you join the force, Des?" "Well, it was this or the kennels." "What about you?" "I wanted to make my dad proud." "He's, uh, not with us anymore." "I'm sorry to hear that." "Did he die slowly?" "Sorry." "None of my business." "Terry Cloth was a good man." "A man with problems, maybe, but they're at an end now." "As are the dreams, and the hopes, the fears, the brain function, the processing of toxins by the gut and kidneys." "Someone out there killed him, and I won't rest 'til I find out who." "If you've seen anything, however small or insignificant it may seem, please report it in complete confidence using the free phone number at the bottom of your orders of service." "Okay." "Any questions?" " Yes?" " Um, Eva Dionne, Grief and Grievers Monthly, did anyone bear a grudge against Terry?" "Yes." "Whoever shot him." " Next." " Frank Strang, Cremations Review." " Which model oven is that?" " The Denning S90." "fast burn times, automatic fluid control, pizza function." "Yes." "Chris Nimnim." "Indistinct Mumbler." "That's not clear right now." "Last question." "Yes." "Oh. uh..." "I'm in early for a wedding." "_" "Thank you very much." "I appreciate it." "Yeah." "Thank you." "Thank you for coming." "There'll be some pizzas in a little while." "Jack." "Deborah." "Haven't seen you since..." "I haven't seen you since either." "It must be..." "How many years, Jack?" "Something like that." "So many times I..." "I wanted to make contact with him but..." "I couldn't face dredging up the past." "And the tariff I'm on is shocking, hardly any free minutes." "You know, if I'd stayed in touch, this wouldn't have happened." "I..." "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Don't beat yourself up." "Nobody stayed in touch with Terry." "He lived the life of a drifter." "Turning around in a sequined costume, singing under the boardwalk." "I've missed you, Jack." "What happened between us was a mistake." " We slept together, Jack!" " I wasn't looking where I was going." "What did she do that for?" "Because she's bitter, cold, and all alone in this world, and that's the way she'll stay." "It must be hard." "Getting to her age and having no one." "I'm ashamed to say I didn't even fancy her." "We had sex once." "To this day, the thought of it turns my stomach." "I'm still here." "Hello." "Who are you?" "No way he can hear you from here." "Wait." "No!" "Police!" "Put the fingernail down!" "There's a lion behind you." "Mate!" "Mate!" "Calm down." " I ain't going back inside!" " No one's going inside, we just want to arrest you." " What's your name?" " Kenny." "Kenny, we're all friends here." "No one needs to get hurt." "Alright, Ken." "You give me the knife, I'll give you anything you want." " Another knife." " Alright." "Guv." "Alright." "I'm arresting you on suspicion of suspicious behavior." "You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defense, if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court." "Terms and conditions apply." "One coupon per customer." "You must be this high to ride." "Side effects are rare but may include nausea, dizziness, diarrhea." "Okay, Kenny." "You better start talking, and after you start talking, you better start confessing, and then bleeding, right down the end of my fists!" "Oh, I am scared, Officer." "Would you like a biscuit, Kenny?" "Ooh, you are being friendly." "We just wanna know where you were the day Terry was murdered." "I already told you." "I was out." " Bowling." " Who with?" "Prince Andrew." "Jack!" "You expect me to believe that?" "Ooh, that really hurt." "His story checks out." "I can't believe you didn't trust me." "According to his medical records, when exposed to extreme stress, he developes a sarcastic tone of voice and arrogant facial expressions." " It's true." " He can't help it, guv." "This condition's ruined my life." "I wish I was dead." " What were you doing at the funeral?" " I knew Terry." "He stayed at the place Eddie Huffway runs." "So did I." " Huffway House?" " Yeah." "It's a kind of halfway house." "Then let's check it out." "Get him out of my sight." "Thanks so much!" "You did alright, back at the cemetery." "I got myself taken a hostage." "You didn't cry or wet yourself." "Or take the knife and stab yourself in the neck and tits with it and that took guts." " Thank you, Des." " Still, no harm brushing up on your shooting skills in case it happens again." "And I'm the best shot on the force." "Ask anyone at the urinals." "Have you ever killed a man?" "I never shot a man that didn't deserve it." "Only a kid in a wheelchair." "I booked us a private lane." "Okay." "Magazine in." "Cock it." "There you go." "Now, close your left eye." "Even breaths." "Now don't... pull the trigger," "just squeeze it." "Just give it a squeeze." "Alright, pull it." "Firearms weren't my strength at the academy." "I was happier doing paperwork and breaking bad news to relatives." "You've got a kind face." "Thank you, Des." "Here we go." "Nice grouping." "I fired six shots." "There's only five holes." "Maybe you got two into one hole." "That's something I've only ever seen done on video." "You're doing really well." "I'm happy to help, Officers." "I'm Eddie Huffway." "This was Terry's room." "So why was Terry staying here?" "Some of our men have mental issues." "Some are down on their luck." "Some just want something to eat." "We have all sorts here." "Would you like one?" "No, thanks." "I'm on duty." "You said Terry lived here 'til about two weeks ago?" "Yes." "Not much to write home about." "Fortunately, he was homeless and illiterate." " Is that all he owned?" " Yes." "A pathetic story of a life no one gave two shits about." "_" "I said he was illiterate." "Jack, postcard." "Where is it from?" "I don't know." "It's got sort of a thumb on it." "Now we're getting somewhere." "_" "Funtcuck." "Ever heard of it?" "Ugh, apparently that's the way they like it." "It's a small village." "Not far from here." "Call it a hunch, call it instinct, call me Al, but I say the answers lie there." "Newblood, Hairihan, you two stay behind." "Deal with anything that might have been left unresolved." "And Asap, let's roll." "_" "Wall of Silence." "Established 1589." "One landlord, unmarried." "Period decor, exposed beams, rustic ephemera." "Two pub bores, one cat." "Menu limited, with three misplaced apostrophes." "Okay." "Let's keep this low-key, discreet." "Guv?" "Guv!" "Greetings, people of pub." "I'm DI Jack Cloth." " City of Town Police." " And I am Anne Oldman." "DC Asap Qureshi." "37. 5'8"." "Right handed." "Left dressing." "Enjoys French cricket, Peter Gabriel and bullet-pointed lists." "Now you know who we are, it's your turn to help." "Does anyone recognize this man?" "No?" "No one?" "Come on." "That's Terry Cloth, but I think you know that." "We know that he was here." "In this village, and now he's dead." "Anyone wanna say anything about that?" "I get it." "The conspiracy of subtle glances, the distrust of outsiders, the tight-knit community." "But your silent voices don't scare me, and we're not leaving 'til we get the information we want." "So start talking." "What was Terry doing here?" "Tell me, uh?" " Tell me!" " Jack!" "Come here." "Tell me." " What was he doing here?" " Jack, stop it." "Still silent, eh?" " Well maybe you'll talk now!" " Jack, no!" "And maybe you'll all have something to tell me" " after I pull this trigger!" " Jack!" " What do you think of that, eh?" " Shout and shoot all you like." "They won't understand." "Why not?" "Because they're Danish." "Coach load of them turned up this morning." "They're taking a break from all that depressing crime they gets back home." "I'm very sorry." "In Danish." "You, what's your name?" " They call me Villager 2." " Ring any bells?" "Not since I left the church campanology society." " Then why did you leave?" " I had a bit of a ding dong." "And the bells just stopped appealing." "I'm a handyman these days." "Do you know this man?" "Yep." "I've seen him." "Up at The Healery he was." "What's The Healery, Villager 2?" "It's a new-age treatment place at the top of the hill." "I've done some repairs there myself." "Then I come home and done a poo." "That's not relevant, but I thought you'd appreciate knowing everything." "We do." "Qureshi, prepare some establishing chart on The Healery." "Yes, guv." "And I want it by the time I push over this stool." "The Healery." "Fashionable new-age treatment centre." "Staff 19, some older." "Grounds rolling." "Celebrity client rating D to G list." "Damien Vull, 53." " Happy to show us around, but he's..." " Terribly busy I'm afraid." "So, I'll have to keep this short." "This is my assistant, Blue." " We understand." " Then let the tour commence." "Tickets please." "What do you actually do here?" "We make people better by making them better." "Like a hospital?" "Not in a conventional sense, no." "At The Healery, we believe the brain is part of the body." "We specialize in improving spiritual muscle tone, and overcoming addiction." "We can stop anyone from taking heroin, almost instantaneously." "How?" "Well, it's complex, but it mainly involves knocking the syringe out of their hand." "We also have a revolutionary approach to combating people over-eating." "Revolutionary?" "We spin people around 'til they vomit." "You'll see the kind of thing we do through here." "_ _" "So this place is some kind of, rehab, cum spa." "Rehab, yes." "We had to shut down the cum spa." "Clugged plug holes, unwanted pregnancies, that sort of thing." "But look, this is Moon." "Our finest psychological masseuse." "Now, sacrocranial therapy can release knots, in even the most repressed of psyches." "We combine Western therapies with Ayurvedic philosophies." "harmonize the beliefs based on zumba," "Waibalun ancient Chinese wisdom." "Ancient Chinese?" "What do they know, huh?" "We're used to dealing with skeptics in the bullshit industry." "What is it exactly I can do for you, Inspector?" "I want to know how my brother ended up with eight holes in him instead of the regulation seven." "Perhaps we should take this in my office." "Urethral opening counts, Asap." "We run a respectable business here." "There are no secrets." "You can ask me whatever you like." "What do you know about the death of my brother?" "I think I've answered enough of your questions, Inspector, good day." "Why was he here?" "Sorry, I can't discuss clients." " So he was a client." " I didn't say that." " Well say it now." " No." "All of our clients, enjoy complete confidentiality." "Many are extremely public figures, who entrust with us their darker most secrets, ask David Cameron." " Who isn't one of them." " Guv?" "So..." "Why... was... he... here?" "Care for a round of Boggle, Inspector?" "I don't have time for your games!" "Why was he here?" "Terry was on our Fam Angerment programme." " Fam Anger-what?" " It's a course for people who have unresolved fury against family members." "We encourage the patients to take their anger out... on a life-size replica of the family member who's done them wrong." "Terry say which family member he had anger towards?" "Fucking Jack!" "Fucking Jack!" "I want a list of everyone that was on that course." "Absolutely out of the question." "And I want to it right now or I will return with a warrant, and you will have officers crawling over every inch of this place, and when I say crawling, I mean walking." "They will tear this building limb from limb!" "I think you've troubled us enough with your insinuations and your aftershave." "So if you wouldn't mind..." "What?" "Leaving." "The room." "The Healery." "Blue will see you out." "Come on." "Des, we're sending over a list of people who stayed at The Healery rehab-spa." "We need to know who they are, where they are, how they are," " what they look like, and why?" " Yes, guv." "And it's important, Des, the whole pot could turn on this." "Open the archives, pull off every record you can." "Look to Newblood if you need help pulling off." "Will do." "I'll be on this number." "Are we thinking those are potential suspects, or potential victims, guv?" "I don't know, but let's try and find out before another dead body kills the suspense." "Don't tap the keys." "Just... squeeze them." "That's it." "Squeeze." "Squeeze." "Squeeze." "or just tap it." "Ok, every person on this list from The Healery is accounted for, except for this one." "Rowan Willow." " Rowan who?" " Rowan Willow." "Willow." "Willow." "Willow." "Willow." "Willow." "Willow." "Willow." "Willow." "Willow." "Sorry." "Got stuck on a word." "Deciduous willow tree." "The willow tree." "He was pointing at a willow tree." " It was a message!" " What do we know about Rowan Willow?" "Brunette, female, Caucasian." "Left The Healery about the same time as Terry." "Not been seen since." "There's nothing about her on the computer." "It's almost like she's been wiped from history." "By a sinister figure at an establishment you've recently visited." "This has got to be Vull." "The alive-inator says this one is still alive, guv." "But maybe not for long." "Ok, Des, Newblood, you two stay here working alternative theories and smoldering looks." "Come on, we've gotta stop Vull, before he can do whatever he's gonna do to Rowan Willow." "Now!" "♪ Sanctus spiritus ♪" "♪ Pizza Domino ♪" "♪ Cornetto!" "♪" "♪ Nancy Dell'Olio ♪" "♪ Olio!" "♪" " ♪ Olio!" "♪" " Hold it, Vull!" "Police!" "Nobody move!" "Drop the knife!" "And the chalice!" "And the baby!" "You're under arrest, Vull." "On what charge, Inspector?" "Ritual slaughter without due care and attention." "Well, there's no slaughter here, Inspector." "You killed Terry Cloth, and now you're about to kill Rowan Willow." "This isn't Rowan Willow." "This is Ivy Branch." "Hello." " Oh, then you've already killed Rowan Willow!" " Nonsense!" "You butchered her in a ceremony," "Terry Cloth found out," " and you murdered him too!" " Absolute cockypop." " Face facts, Vull, it's over!" " No you face facts, Cloth." " You've nothing to charge me with." " Jack." "The ceremonial dagger still has the John Louis security tag on it." "Shoplifting." "I say that's enough to hold you for 40 hours, and then I say arrest him Qureshi." " Arrest him, Qureshi!" " Yes, guv." "Come on." "Come on!" "You don't have any respect for anything with knockers or a fanny." "I believe the medical term is quim, Inspector." "Des, I would love to invite you upstairs, but..." "I'm not quite ready yet." "Should we give it ten minutes?" "We found a body." "It's the same M.O. as Terry." "That's right." "I'm the target." "So we could probably assume that everyone close to me is at risk." "Please, not the face," " it has sentimental value." " No!"