"Coffee." "Thank you." "Cappuccino." "Grazie." "And a nice hot cider for Monica." "Aww, thank you." "Uh Rach?" "Yeah?" "Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser?" "Oh!" "That's why." "I'm sorry!" "Chandler." "Mrs. Tedlock." "You're looking lovely today." "And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you." "Yes." "Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day." "Oh, listen." "If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them." "Really." "Nothing at all." "Really." "Nothing." "Hey you guys!" "Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, thisincredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Never mind." "But it was going to be really good." "What's going on?" "What is it?" "So, it's a typical day at work." "I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor." "That's great!" "So...." "I quit." "Why?" "Why?" "This was supposed to be a temp job!" "Yeah, Chandler you've been there for five years." "If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what Iactually do." "So was it a lot more money?" "It doesn't matter." "I just don't want to be one of those guys that's inhis office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS." "... the WENUS?" "Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems.A processing term." "Oh." "That WENUS." "So what're you going to do?" "I don't know." "That's the thing." "I don't know what I want to do." "I justknow I'm not going to figure it out working there." "Oooh!" "I have something you can do!" "I have this new massage clientSteve?" "Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef." "Um... hi there." "Hi!" "Oh, yeah, no, I know.You're a chef." "I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs ajob right now, so...." "Yeah I just don't have that much cheffing experience." "Unless it'san all-toast restaurant." "Yeah, yeah!" "Well, what kind of food is he looking for?" "Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's looking for someone whocan, you know, create the entire menu." "Oh my God!" "Yeah, I know!" "So, what do you think?" "Thanks, Phoebe." "But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat." "OK." "Oh Monica!" "Guess what!" "Can you see my nipples through this shirt?" "No." "But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there." "Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?" "Well, I have an appointment to see Dr.Robert Pillman, careercounselor a-gogo." "I added the "a-gogo."" "Career counselor?" "Hey, you guys all know what you want to do." "I don't!" "Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do." "You know, you have goals.You have dreams." "I don't have a dream." "Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream" speech." "Oh, I love my life, I love my life!" "Ooh!" "Brian's Song!" "The meeting with the guy went great?" "So great!" "He showed me where the restaurant's going to be." "It's this,it's this cute little place on 10th Street." "Not too big, not too small." "Just right." "Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?" "So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night." "You know, kind oflike an audition." "And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for mebecause then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises." "What are you going to make?" "Yummy noises." "And Monica, what are you going to make?" "I don't know.I don't know." "It's just going to be so great!" "Ooh!" "I know what you could make!" "I know!" "Oh, you should definitely make that thing you know, with thestuff?" "You know, that thing with the stuff...?" "OK, I don't know." "Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?" "How about Tony's?" "If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free." "OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?" "Who are you going out with?" "Oh, is this the bug lady?" "Bzzzz...." "I love you, Ross." "Her name is Celia." "She's not a bug lady.She's curator of insects at themuseum." "So what are you guys going to do?" "Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring herback to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey." "And he's not speaking metaphorically." "So back to your place...you thinking, maybe...huh-huh?" "Well, I don't know huh-huh.... but I'm hopinghuh-huh." "I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet!" "She's going to take onelook at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal." "Celia, don't worry!" "Don't scream!" "He's not going to hurt you!" "Soothing tones, Celia." "I can't stand this!" "He's got his claws in my" "Alright..." "OK, try this salmon mousse." "Mmmm." "Good." "Is it better than the other salmon mousse?" "It's creamier." "Yeah, well, is that better?" "I don't know.We're talking about whipped fish, Monica." "I'm just happy I'mkeeping it down, y'know?" "My God!" "What happened to you?" "Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests,personality tests and what do I learn?" "quot;" "Youare ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinationalcorporation.quot;" "That's so great!" "'Cause you already know how to do that!" "Can you believe it?" "I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should bedoing something really cool?" "You know, I just always pictured myself doingsomething... something." "Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey!" "You can see your nipples through this shirt!" "Here you go, maybe this'llcheer you up." "Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better splitthis with you." "It's supposed to be that small.It's a pre-appetizer." "The French call itan amouz-bouche." "Well.... it is amouz-ing..." "Hello?" "Oh, hi Wendy!" "Yeah, eight o'clock." "What did we say?" "Ten dollars an hour?" "OK, great.All right, I'll see you then." "Bye." "Ten dollars an hour for what?" "Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out." "Waitressing?" "Uh-oh." "Well of course I thought of you!" "But... but..." "But, but?" "But, you see, it's just this night has to go just perfect, you know?" "And, well, Wendy's more of a professional waitress." "Oh!" "I see." "And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that Ican waitress in the Olympics." "You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in'76." "Amouz-bouche?" "Talk to me." "OK um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning..." "No no no." "Talk... dirty." "Wha... what, here?" "Yes..." "Ah...." "Say something..... hot." "Er.... um....." "What?" "Um... uh.... vulva." "Vulva?" "Alright, I panicked, alright?" "She took me by surprise." "You know, but itwasn't a total loss." "I mean, we ended up cuddling." "Whoaa!" "You cuddled?" "How many times?" "Shut up!" "it was nice." "I just I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kindof guy, you know?" "What's the big deal?" "You just say what you want to do to her." "Or what youwant her to do to you." "Or what you think other people might be doing to each other." "I'll tell you what.Just try something on me." "Please be kidding." "Why not?" "Come on!" "Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you'd liketo be doing right now." "OK." "I'm in my apartment .yeah... what else?" "That's it.I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having thisconversation." "Alright, look, I'll start, OK?" "Joey, please." "Oh Ross.... you get me so hot." "I want your lips on me now." "Wow." "Alright, now you say something." "I... ahem..." "I really don't think so." "Come on!" "You like this woman, right?" "Yeah." "You want to see her again, right?" "Sure." "Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her?" "Now tell me you want to caress my butt!" "OK, turn around." "I just don't want you staring atme when I'm doing this." "Alright, alright." "I'm around." "Go ahead." "Ahem I want...." "OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with mylips." "There you go!" "Keep going." "Keep going!" "I, er..." "I want to take my tongue... and .and...." "Say it... say it!" "run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with .with?" "Funny story!" "You're not going to believe this!" "It's OK.It's OK." "I was always rooting for you two kids to gettogether." "Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job calledagain." "Again?" "And again, and again, and again" "Hello?" "And again." "Hey Mr. Kostelic!" "How's life on the fifteenth floor?" "Yeah, I miss you too." "Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pensfrom your own home, you know?" "Well, that's very generous er, but look, this isn't about the money." "I need something that's more than a job." "I need something Ican really care about" "And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure youmentioned earlier?" "Look, Al, Al I'm not playing hardball here, OK?" "This isnot a negotiation, this is a rejection!" "No!" "No!" "No, stop saying numbers!" "I'mtelling you, you've got the wrong guy!" "You've got the wrong guy!" "I'll see you onMonday!" "Well?" "Wow!" "It's huge!" "It's so much bigger than the cubicle." "Oh, thisis a cube." "Look at this!" "Oh!" "You have a window!" "Yes indeedy!" "With a beautiful view of" "Oh look!" "That guy's peeing!" "OK, that's enough of the view." "Check thisout, look at this." "Sit down, sit down." "OK." "This is great!" "Helen, could youcome in here for a moment?" "Thank you Helen, that'll be all." "Last time I do that, I promise." "Wendy, we had a deal!" "Yeah, you promised!" "Wendy!" "Wendy!" "Wendy!" "Who was that?" "Wendy bailed." "I have no waitress." "Oh... that's too bad." "Bye bye." "Ten dollars an hour." "No." "Twelve dollars an hour." "Mon.I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around." "You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you." "I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you twenty dollars an hour." "Done." "Well hello!" "Welcome to Monica's." "May I take your coat?" "Hi Steve!" "Hello, Monica." "Hello, greeter girl." "This is Rachel." "Yeah, OK." "Mmmmmm!" "Everything smells so delicious!" "You know, I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination ofof," "OK, smells." "It's a lovely apartment." "Oh, thank you." "Would you like a tour?" "I was just being polite, but, alright." "What's up?" "In the cab, on the way over," "Steve blazed up a doobie." "What?" "Smoked a joint?" "You know, lit a bone?" "Weed?" "Hemp?" "Ganja?" "OK, OK." "I'm with you, Cheech." "OK." "Is it dry in here?" "Let me, let me get you some wine!" "Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course." "OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou saucewith just a touch of mints... and... ... ginger." "Well, smack my ass and call me Judy!" "These are fantastic!" "I'm so glad you liked them!" "Like 'em?" "I could eat a hundred of them!" "Oh, well um, that's all there are of these." "But in about eight and ahalf minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets." "Tartlets." "Tartlets." "The word has lost all meaning." "Excuse me?" "Can I help you with anything?" "You know, I don't know what I'm looking for." "Ah, cool!" "Taco shells!" "You know, these are they're like a little corn envelope." "You know that?" "You don't wantto spoil your appetite." "Hey!" "Sugar-O's!" "You know, if you just wait another six and a half minutes..." "Macaroni and cheese!" "We gotta make this!" "No, we don't." "Oh, OK." "Oh, sorry." "Why don't you just have a seat here?" "OK give me the Gummi-bears." "No." "Give them to me." "Alright, we'll share." "No, give me the..." "Well then you can't have any." "Bear overboard!" "I think he's drowning." "Hey fellows!" "Grab ona Sugar-O save yourself!" "quot;" "Help!" "I'm drowning!" "Help!" "quot;" "That's it!" "Dinner is over!" "What?" "What?" "Why?" "Why?" "It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity likethis, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?" "Hey!" "What a tool!" "You don't want to work for a guy like that." "Yeah!" "I know it's just..." "I thought this was, you know... it." "Look, you'll get there.You're an amazing chef." "Yeah!" "You know all those yummy noises?" "I wasn't faking." "So, er... how did it go with Celia?" "Oh, I was unbelievable." "All right, Ross!" "I was the James Michener of dirty talk." "It was the most elaborate filthyou have ever heard." "I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motifat one point there were villagers." "Whoa!" "And the... huh-huh?" "Well, ahem you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh..." "You cuddled." "Yeah, which was nice." "You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?" "Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?" "Yeah, where the hell is he?" "Yes, Fran.I know what time it is, but I'm looking at theWENUS and I'm not happy!" "Oh, really, really, really?" "Well, let me tell yousomething you will care about it, because I care about it!" "You got it?" "Good!" "How's this?" "Eeeee!" "Sorry." "How about over here?" "Aaaaah!" "See, that just means it's working." "Does this hurt?" "No." "What about this?" "Aaaaahhh!" "There you go!"