"Hey, everybody." "Hey, Ally!" "Did you have fun at Molly's?" "Yeah, she invited me to her birthday party." "Dave's gonna be there." "Oh ho!" "Who's Dave?" "Dave Yeager." "She's only had a crush on him since like forever!" "Oh, Dave!" "Okay." "I know him as Dav... id." "Ooh!" "Get a load of this stationery." "Oh, nice..." "Ooh!" "Let me see!" "Quiet, Frank." "Wow!" "Peggy's having Molly's party at their country club." ""Formal attire"?" "A black-tie party for kids?" "That's nuts." "That's Peggy." "Peggy." "Hey, Ray, isn't she the cookie lady that beat you up?" "Yeah, the cookie lady-- she beat the chips out of you!" "I can't wait till one of you two needs a kidney." "She's even picked out a gown she wants the girls to wear and tells us where to buy it." "Some women are so pushy!" ""Mention Peggy's name to get a 10% discount."" "And to open the gates of hell." "I can't believe this is for a kid's birthday party." "What happened to cake in the backyard and playing hide-and-seek?" "There's cake in the backyard?" "I was great at hide-and-seek." "Nobody ever found me." "Nobody looked." "You know, Amy is right about these parties." "I mean, to hire people to play records, magicians, entertainment?" "When I was a child" "You sat around the fire and wondered how it got there." "Formal attire party for kids" "Peggy's a whack-job." "Yeah, I agree it's silly, but I understand her wanting to do something special for Molly's party." "13 is a milestone age for a girl." "Yeah, 13's a very big age." "You're halfway between girl and woman." "Your body's going through all sorts of changes" " Okay, all right." " I'm eating!" "Okay!" "You know, interestingly, in many cultures, the 13th birthday is often celebrated formally with lavish affairs." "The Jewish people, for instance, have their bar or bat mitzvah." "So, Raymond, you could look at this as Molly's "bat mitzvah."" "Mm-hmm." "Could we look at this as your "shut-upsvah"?" "Oh!" "I know this dress shop." "You're not gonna walk out of there for less than $100." "A hundred dollars." "Stupid Peggy." "You know, Debra, you could save yourself a lot of money if you made Ally a dress-- oh... that's right." "Well, I could make her the dress and tell her that you helped." "You're not gonna make a dress, Ma." "I still remember when you forced me and Robert to wear your homemade jeans." "They were very nice." "They looked just like the kind the other boys were wearing." "They were velvet." "That denim is very abrasive." "Yeah, so were the other boys." "I appreciate your offer, Marie, but we can afford to buy Ally a dress." "No, but I don't want to afford it." "$100 for a party dress-- I mean, it's crazy." "Mom, we've got to get to the mall." "I just talked to Julie." "She's buying her dress today." "She wants us to meet her there." "So let's go." "Honey, I have a PTA meeting, so your father can take you." "What, me?" "Whoa!" "Wait a minute." "I don't even" "You wanna go to the PTA?" "Come on, Dad." "Please please please please?" "I wanna get there before all the good colors are gone." "I'll be in the car." "Your daughter is waiting." "Guy never had a chance." "While you're there, why don't you pick up a dress for yourself?" "Dad, I don't think you can bring food in here." "Hey, I paid four bucks for this cookie." "I'm not givin' it up." "I'm sorry." "Hmm?" "You can have it back when you leave." "Okay." "I know how much I ate." "Now, may I help you?" "Uh yeah, um," "I need to get a dress for my daughter here." "It's for the Peggy Ardolino party." "I was supposed to mention her name." "Just follow me." "Now, here we are." "These are the dresses for the Ardolino party." "Wow, Daddy, look at them!" " Yeah." " They're beautiful!" "Yeah yeah, you can wear them to a formal party or just knockin' around the house." "Which color you want?" "The blue." "Hmm." "Beautiful." "How much is it?" "These dresses are $250." "$250?" "!" "I'll be in there." "No, wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "$250?" "!" "That's with the 10% discount for mentioning Peggy's name." "All right-- Peggy Peggy Peggy Peggy-- how much is it now?" "Hey, Barone, you got roped into this too, huh?" "Jerry, you know how much this dress is?" "It's $250!" "I know." "I was gonna get a lawnmower." "Are you gonna pay for it?" "You know what I think?" "I think the parents should protest and refuse to buy this fancy crap." "It would just teach Peggy that she's not the boss of us." "Or get us all killed." "I heard she once beat up a guy over some cookies." "Really?" "No, I heard that he beat her up, actually." "Yeah... bad." "Sir, would you like your daughter to try on the dress?" "Let me ask you something:" "Don't you think that this is an awful lot of money to spend on a one-time thing?" "That's not for me to say, sir, but how can you put a price on the smile of this beautiful young woman?" "You work on commission, don't you?" "Ally!" "Hey, Molly!" "Molly?" "Hello, Ally's Dad." "Hello, Peggy." "Is there a problem?" "Ally, would you give us a minute, okay?" "Why don't you and Molly go down and take turns on the massage chair?" "Go ahead." "Peggy..." "Peggy, listen." "Jerry." "Jerry, come here." "Some of us-- some of us are wondering-- what are you thinking?" "I mean, a formal party for 13-year-olds?" "I understand about milestones and bodies going through weird hormonals... but you're not even Jewish." "I just thought it might be fun for one night if all the kids looked nice." "I'm just sick of the belly shirts and the thongs sticking out of jeans cut down to here." "Listen, I don't like stuff like that on girls under 21 either, okay?" "Ally doesn't dress like that." "And-and Jerry and I think that it's outrageous to expect people to pay that much." "Oh, look at the jewelry!" "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" "You're a sportswriter." "You make a lot of money." "No..." "I write about people that make a lot of money, and that's not the point." "What I make is none of your business." "I still think this whole thing is nuts!" "All right, fine." "Don't buy the dress." "And you can explain to Ally why she will be the only girl there without one." "She will stick out like a giant nose on a stupid face." "Hey, can I try on the dress now, Daddy?" "Come on, Ally." "We're out of here." "Why?" "Dad, what about the dress?" " We're not gonna buy it." "Go." " But..." "Dad!" " Come on!" "Now!" " Why?" " Because I said so." " But why?" "Because I am the grownup, and that's how it is!" "Now, where is my cookie!" "We're out of here!" "Come on, Ally!" "Okay, all right!" "Be like that!" "Ray, what's going on?" "Guess how much the dress cost-- go ahead." "I don't know, what?" "Like $100?" "Guess again." "Just tell me, Ray." "$120." "Ray, knock it off." "$147.99." "Wrong." "$250!" "Yes!" "I was closest." "Wow!" "Two hundred and-  why so much?" " I don't know." "Maybe it's made of unicorn fur." "So, wait..." "you didn't buy it?" "No, of course not." "What are you talking about?" "You would've?" "You know what?" "I think I would have." " What?" " Wait, I mean, I agree with you that it costs too much money." "250 bucks?" "You could put a great TV in the bathroom for that." "You are not getting a TV in the bathroom!" "Then I'm bringing the toilet into the living room!" "Please please, just stop." "Ray, listen, Ally still needs that dress." "She's going to be the only girl not wearing one." "She'll stand out." "Oh okay, so now you're just like Peggy now." "Oh, so this is all because you hate Peggy." "No no, this has nothing to do with her." "It's morally and ethnically wrong." "You're out of your element, Ray." "Look, Ally's still gonna look nice." "We'll buy her a nice, normal-priced dress." "I don't know what the big deal is." "Because you have never been a 13-year-old girl!" "I think you're really running out of stuff to criticize me for." "You know, Debra, I know that you were raised in a house where money was no object." "But do you really want to pass on these values to your children?" "She's right." "Look, I feel sorry for Ally too, but isn't it more important that we don't raise spoiled kids?" "You're just saying that to impress your mother." "And he has." " Hi!" " Hey." "Thank God you're here." "I need you to settle an argument." "I really just wanted to return your roasting pan." "That's okay." "This'll just take a second." "Should've just mailed the pan." "Ray doesn't want to buy Ally the party dress because he thinks it costs too much." "And I agree with Raymond." "Ma agrees with Raymond-- that's 40 years in a row!" "I'd say that the dress is too expensive, but isn't it more important that Ally is not the only girl at the party not wearing the dress?" "Oh, yeah." "That would be humiliating." "I agree with my wife." "Let's go." "Goodbye." "Hold it!" "It costs $250!" "For a dress that will only be worn once?" "Yeah hmm-hmm hah." "That's awfully expensive." "Yeah well, tell it to Debra Von Moneybags." "You know, I never like to agree with a moron, but I've got to go with Raymond on this one." "Hey, Deb, I'll back you if you back my TV-in-the-toilet idea." "It's okay, Frank." "This is a-- am I the only one that feels this way?" "All right." "Ally!" "Your father and I need to talk to you." "Now, remember, you two have to stand firm and united." "Even when she says she hates you." "No, look, Ally doesn't say that to us." "Let me tell you something:" "You want that hate." "If your kids like you, you've failed as parents." "Allow me to congratulate you on your magnificent success." "Ally, honey, listen." "We've been having a long talk about this whole dress thing, and I think your father was right not to buy it." "We just can't spend that much money and still feel like we're being good parents." "Can I go back to my room now?" "Yeah." "But first I want you to make up with your father, okay?" "Come on, honey." "I'm sorry we fought, sweetie." "See?" "She didn't say she hates me." "Don't worry, she was thinking it." "Ally?" "Hey..." "It's 6:30." "Shouldn't you be getting ready for the party?" "I'm not going." "I know you've been saying all week that you're not going, but Molly is your best friend, and you told her that you would be there." "Well, I'm not going." "Because of the dress?" "Okay." "All right." "Stupid question." "Come on, look, aren't all your friends going to be there, huh?" "And that guy you've had a crush on for like forever..." "Charlie!" "Dave." "Dave, right." "Dave!" "Come on, don't you wanna be with your friends and dance with Dave?" "On fast songs only?" "Stop it, Dad!" "Listen..." "I know you were right about the dress being too expensive." "Really?" "Wow!" "Well, good." "See?" "I'm glad you feel that way." "Well... yeah." "I mean, I think the whole fancy-party idea is kind of dumb." "So does Molly, but her mom's just so..." "Horrible, yeah." "I was gonna say excited." "Oh." "Yeah." "I meant horribly excited." "I'm sorry I was mad at you, Daddy." "Were you mad at me?" "Oh." "I didn't even notice." "I just want this party to be over and done with." "Do you wanna go watch a movie?" "Not with you." "You're going to that party." "But I told you I'm not going." "Well, then what am I gonna do with this?" "Oh my God!" "I promise I'll do lots of chores to pay for it." "I'll... wash your car and babysit." "That's all right." "You don't have to do any of that." "Just go." "Go and have a good time." "Why'd you buy it?" "I bought it-- I bought it because..." "I bought it because you're a good kid and you don't ask for much, and I just want you to know that you can count on me to do stuff when it's important for you." "Thanks." "You know," "I was gonna get you the dress anyway, but you made it a lot easier when you said that $250 is a lot of money." "Hey, Mom, look what Daddy bought me!" "Oh, yeah, actually... see... it's actually-- it's from both of us." "Thanks, Mom!" "Yeah, honey, you're welcome." "I'm gonna go try it on." "You guys are the best!" "What?" "Look at you... after all your tough talk, you turn into a puddle of goo." " No." " Yeah." "You're so worried she's gonna hate you, you just fold like a cheap tent." "No!" "No!" "I'm" "I'm tough but fair." "Yeah." "Mainly tough." "Can I ask you something?" "What made you change your mind?" "You had me thinking that you were right for once." "And I was hating myself 'cause I was getting all sucked into this superficial crap about fitting in and looks and fashion." "And I'm thinking, "Gee, you know, maybe Ray really has--"" "oh!" "Look at-- you look beautiful!" "That is just gorgeous." "You're so grown up!" " Want me to do your hair?" " Yes, I would love that." "Can I use your makeup?" "Little blush?" "Just a little blush." "And I have a bag that is so perfect for this." "Humph..." "Peggy." "Okay, honey." "Have a good time at the party." "Listen, and remember:" "A dance may start fast but then goes slow, so you just say, "No, thank you," then walk away." "Sure, Dad." "Whatever you say." "Oh my God." "Nobody else is wearing a dress." "Nice dress, Cinderella." "Well, if it isn't Ally's dad." "Congratulations, you've ruined my daughter's birthday party." "What are you talking about?" "Please, don't play dumb with me." "All your rabble-rousing in the dress shop?" " You were rabble-rousing?" " No!" "He told Megan's father all the parents should protest and refuse to buy the formal clothes." "Y'all called each other, and look what happened." "Nobody called me." "We have to go home." "No, honey." "It doesn't matter what anybody else says." "Go in there and have a wonderful time." "I can't believe you did this to me, Dad!" "Wh-what did I do?" "I did something nice." "I bought a dress for $250." "You're goin' into that party!" " No, I'm not!" " Yes, you are!" "$250!" " I don't care!" " You're going into the party." " You can't make me!" " I'm your father." " You have to do what I say!" " I hate you!" "Congratulations." "You're a successful parent."