"You will be pleased with me, Paul." " Why?" " I've been trying to make an attempt, to be different." "Julia is not a good match for Arun." "I would understand you're feeling critical of your son's marriage, but..." " At the same time..." " Jealous?" "Why would I be jealous of a marriage in which a vain and immodest wife having an affair with another man?" "You seem convinced that Julie is having an affair." "It was obvious." "She took my hand and kissed my cheek." "And she was wearing this perfume..." "Lying in bed I wondered "even one year from now..." "Julia would still be around." "Where else will she be?" "Are you..." "Are you gonna finish your cereal?" "I'm not that hungry this morning." "So did you..." "Did you fall behind in your homework this weekend, running around Baltimore with Steve and your mom?" "No, I just..." "I just forgot I had this." "Can I..." "Can I have a look at that?" "Oh, I remember this." "See, the interesting thing about the equation is that it solves not just the side length, but the area of the squares that the sides represent, see?" "So, let's see..." "A squared plus b squared..." "So the sum of these two areas..." "The squares..." "Equals..." "Oops..." "C squared..." "The area of the third square." "A pretty cool theory from our friend Pythagoras, don't you think?" "Okay." "I'll see you after school." "Okay, see you later." "Hello, Sunil." "Hello." "I..." "I prepared some tea." "Thank you so much, Paul." "You... you're taking birth control pills?" "I'm not, no." "Are you feeding your Lily plant?" "No no, my plant is thriving already, don't worry." "I found them in Julia's study." "In Julia's study?" "And she's quite private about this mysterious room." "She keeps it so clean and organized, it's like..." "It's difficult..." "It's like entering a personal museum." "And Arun is the only one who is allowed to go in there when he brings her cappuccino." "But you went in there?" "Yes, do you remember Mr. pale fox?" "Pale fox..." "Do you remember pale fox?" "You mean Ethan Barr." "So now he has written another book." "It's called "the young boy and the cave."" "All week she was on the phone with such passion in her voice and speaking of it to Arun and her colleagues as if it is "David Copperfield."" "Oh, how pitch-perfect it is." "Oh genius." "Genius." "So when you went into Julia's study, is that what you were looking for..." "Ethan Barr's manuscript?" "It is supposedly about a young boy who gets lost in a cave and who discovers a group of displaced American veterans from the Iraq war who are inventing a game using a giant ball made of their shaved hair and shoelaces." "And she goes on and on about how the men who are inventing the game are so heartbreaking because they are trying to regain their innocence and playing this game would somehow reverse all the terrible things they did in the war." "So apparently they teach the boy how to play the game." "And then the boy teaches them how to become boys again." "See how pitch-perfect it is?" "Did you consider asking your daughter-in-law if you could read the book?" "Did you read it?" "No, I..." "I..." "I did not locate it." "But I can assure you this is ridiculous." "Yet you still felt compelled to search for it in Julia's study, yeah?" "And this is what I found." "And this is an absolute proof that Julia is having an affair with Mr. pale fox, a.K.A. Ethan Barr." "Don't you think it's at all possible that Julia might be taking these pills because she and your son have chosen to in order not to get pregnant?" "Arun has told me more than once that he wished to have another son." "And need I remind you that when I moved in their home it was clearly stated that my room on the third floor was temporary;" "and it would be eventually transformed into the new baby's room and I would move down to the basement?" "Do you remember?" "Yes, I remember you told me that, yeah." "If this is indeed the case, then can somebody please explain to me why Julia is using contraception's?" "If Julia intends to have another child with my son, she should be trying to do so." "But clearly this is not her wish." "This obviously upsets you..." "This aspect of Julia and Arun's private life." "He's my son." "I understand that, Sunil, but he is also a married man." "And the issues of contraception and childbearing..." "Surely they're between him and Julia." "Isn't it rightfully their business?" "And not mine?" " I have nothing to do with it?" " I'm not sure that they would think so." " I'm his father." "Sir." " I understand that you are..." "I'm his father." "It's my family too!" "No one can erase this fact..." "That I'm his father!" "Knowing what I know, how can I not be concerned, Paul?" "She is taking these pills secretly." "They were not found in the medicine chest of her bathroom." "They were not on her bedside table." "They were hidden in a drawer under some papers in her study." "Now I can only conclude that she is conducting an affair." "Mightn't there be another reason?" "I'm just not sure that as evidence the pills alone indicate..." "You need more evidence?" "Okay, why else would she be taking them?" "Tell me." "Well, sometimes women go on the pill to alleviate certain hormonal symptoms." "It can also protect against several cancers and it also minimizes..." "Julia is perfectly healthy, Paul." "How do you know that?" "Do you know her medical history?" "No no, she is not a sick person." "I know what it is like to be around someone who's ill, and believe me..." "Yes, I..." "I believe..." "I believe you, yes." "When I think of them together, my hand turns into a fist." "When you think of Julia and Ethan?" "Something happens to me." "My heart starts to race." "Why are you looking at me strangely?" "I'm simply aware of how angry all this makes you." "I thought you would be pleased that I have become an angry person." "Why would I be pleased about that?" "No?" "No no, perhaps I was wrong." "Perhaps I..." "I misunderstood." "Well, I know that I have encouraged you to more directly express your feelings." "I had this very strange dream..." "A very strange dream." "And I was..." "I was quite disturbed by it." "Do you..." "Would you like to tell me about it?" "You know, there was a dark-coated animal lying on the shore of the sea." "And I could not decipher whether it's a goat or a dog." "It was injured, perhaps dying." "It was having great difficulty breathing." "There was a tall cliff behind me." "And I had the sense that the animal had fallen a great distance." "And I was standing over it with a large stick." "I started to manipulate the body." " Manipulate?" " I was poking and prodding it." "Even now I cannot determine whether I was trying to harm or revive her." "And before me, the sea was starting to rise." "And I had the sense that..." "That I was losing time." "What does that mean?" "I don't know." "Before I realized what had happened," "I was in the backyard of my son's house." "And I was digging a hole with my bare hands." "And I was digging so desperately and intensely that I could feel my tongue swelling in my mouth." "Then I reached to put the animal in the hole, but it was too dark." "I could not locate it." "And then" "I realized I had already." "I cannot say what it was, but it felt..." "It felt as if it was very very important to me." "And then Arun was..." "My son..." "Arun was suddenly approaching." "He was coming towards me quickly, and his eyes were enormous." "I felt that I had done something terribly wrong." "And I woke up." "When I woke up, I could still feel the soil under my fingernails." "You're quiet." "You have no reaction to the dream I just told you?" "I'd rather hear your reaction." "I could not fall back asleep, so I went down the hall to Arun and Julia's room." "My son and his wife sleep turned away from each other, as if they have been thrown from opposite sides of a speeding car." "My son's breathing is labored." "He snores powerfully." "But Julia..." "What... what about Julia?" "She sleeps so easily, Paul, as if nothing can hurt her." "While she keeps this secret from my son, she sleeps with such peace on her face." "Can I ask you how long you were watching them?" "Maybe 15 minutes." "Then I could not fall back asleep for the rest of the night." "And my mind kept returning to the dream." "Do you mind if we discussed the dream a little bit more?" "Do you see terrible omens?" " Omens?" " Omens." "I simply thought that we could make some associations." "Associations?" "Can you..." "Can you tell me..." "Can you tell me a little more about the animal that you saw in the dream?" "You said that you weren't quite sure whether it was a goat or a dog." "Yes, I only know that it had a dark coat and that it had great difficulty breathing." "Like Arun?" "You said that his breathing was labored while you watched him sleep." "You think the animal in my dream was Arun?" "You said that the animal was in a state of decline." "And you also gave it a gender." "Did I?" "Yes, when you were standing over this animal with a stick, you called it a "her."" "So now you think the animal is Julia?" "I don't know." "Is that what you think?" "Did you have the dream the night you found the pills?" "Yeah." "Yes, you're right." "What else do you think that the dream might indicate?" " You want to smoke?" " Oh no." " It's very light." " No, thank you." "You talked about the sense that time was running out, both at the shore and at your son's house, as he was walking towards you." "And you referred to this sense of desperation." "Hmm, time." "Time, yes." "There's never enough..." "Never." "Time to do what?" "That's the question, isn't it?" "What is there to do?" "I find that smoking makes me calm." "Cigarettes have this effect on me." "Would you..." "Would you mind if we continued to talk about the dream?" "I started smoking when I was in university." "Did I tell you that?" "Yes, you did." "You told me the first day that you came to see me." "Well, I'm pleased to see that you remember the things that I say to you, Paul." "You also remember the woman I mentioned to you..." "Malini?" "So you'd rather talk about Malini?" "In my final year, I followed her out of the library." "I..." "I watched her light a cigarette." "I thought to myself," ""I must learn to smoke so that I can talk to her."" "I suppose there are worse reasons people start to smoke." "One afternoon we went to watch Satyajit Ray's film." "Afterwards we went to a cafe, then we smoked cigarettes, then we discussed the theme of the movie." "And I thought I was being so sophisticated." "And Malini smoked with such ease." "And you must know one thing... in those days it was extremely rare for a woman to smoke outside." "And the look on her face when she drew the smoke into her lungs..." "It was like as if she knew some great secret." "And I smoked like my eyelashes were on fire." "I could watch her smoke all day..." "All day." "Last week you mentioned that the relationship between you and Malini had to end." "Yes, this is true." "What is the American phrase..." "All good things must end badly?" "All good things must come to an end." "But it's kind of interesting the way you phrase it." "Did things end badly?" "I was Brahmin." "She was not." "I was from a different caste." "So she was from a lower caste than yours." "The caste system was established to keep the societal order." "I was an only child..." "An only son of my family." "And I knew they were not going to approve." "And did you know she was from another caste when you met her?" "Of course." "But it made no difference." "I..." "I could not resist her." "I wanted to spend each and every moment of my life with her." "We studied together." "We took walks together." "We went to the cinema." "And sometimes we did nothing, but that was okay too." "Mm-hmm." "So were you..." "Were you intimate?" "Sunil?" "I should not have been." "Why not?" "Perhaps we should continue discussing my dream." "Well, we can, but I would like you to tell me what happened with Malini first." "She ended our relationship." "She did?" "And how did she end the relationship?" "She..." "She..." "I agreed to meet her on the steps of the library." "So I thought she was going to surprise me with a gift or a note or..." "But she told me she could no longer see me." "I pleaded with her to reconsider, but we had a terrible argument and she walked away wearing my coat." "I felt like someone was pulling a spool of hot thread through my heart." "And that was the last time I ever saw her." "But, Sunil, I have to point out that this contradicts what you told me during the last session." "Last week when you were talking about Malini, you said that you had made a great sacrifice." "You said that you hadn't got any patience for people who put their desires before their principles." "But now it seems that the choice was not yours to make." "Did you ever make any attempt to contact her again after she walked away?" "Why are you so interested in Malini?" "Why does she fascinate you?" "Leave her." "Let her go." "Because when you talk about her," "I see a side of you that I haven't seen before." "No, it's not really there, Paul." "This side of me, as you say, it's..." "You're talking to a ghost." "I don't think that's true." "I think the part of you that loved Malini is deeply hidden." "Why do you say a ghost?" "Sunil?" "There's a bridge in Calcutta." "It's called the Howrah bridge." "It spans the Hooghly river, which links" "Howrah city and Calcutta." "My family was from the other side." "She threw herself from the bridge and drowned." "When they found her body at the bottom of the river, she was still wearing the same jacket..." "When she left." "I don't know why." "Yeah, I know." "There were heavy stones in her pockets..." "In the pockets of the jacket." "I'm..." "I'm so very sorry." "Why are you sorry?" "You didn't know her." "I'm sorry for you." "Why?" "For the pain that you experienced;" "for the pain that you still carry with you." "The pain that I still carry?" "I..." "I didn't realize that..." "That she'd killed herself." "You told me the last time that you'd never spoken about this to anybody." "No." "The police spoke to me." "There was a brief investigation." "An investigation?" "They knew Malini and I spent time together." "My mother had stitched my name into the lining of my jacket." "Hmm." "They were curious like you." "But nothing came out of the investigation." "A few months later I graduated with honors." "Kamala and I were married soon after." "So you've had to live with this..." "This awful tragedy privately for the past 30 years?" "32 years, actually." "But it's nothing." "It's simply a scar." "It's more than just a scar." "Malini was obviously somebody that you were deeply connected to." "She ended the relationship and she took her own life." "Just to go back to the dream for a moment..." "You said that the animal fell from a high cliff." "And Malini fell to her death from a bridge." "Yes." "When you talk about Malini and the passion of your relationship, it reminds me of how you described your son and Julia when they first came to visit you in Calcutta." "See, Paul, please please don't compare my relationship with Malini to Arun and Julia." "Listen, this is preposterous." "With all due respect, Sunil," "I don't think it is." "You said that you never talked about Malini with anybody since the police investigation." "Now here you are, talking to me 32 years later." "I don't think that's a coincidence." "But I think maybe something in the way that Julia and Arun relate to each other..." "The intimacy with which they relate..." "Reminds you of your own intimacy with Malini." "And that perhaps..." "Perhaps that may be one of the reasons why you feel so conflicted in your relationship to your daughter-in-law." "Maybe." "Maybe, Paul." "I don't know." "But what I do know without question is it is more and more difficult for me to live in the presence of Julia, to continue living in her..." "In her house." "Yeah, I understand." "Well, is there anything that we can discuss that might improve that situation?" "See, I have already told you there's..." "There's nothing to be done." "I have no options." "I must go now." "There's... there's still a little time left." "I have to return these pills, you know, before she notices." "You've obviously been through a lot in the last..." "In the last week..." "Finding these pills, the intensity of your dream." "If these emotions have stirred anything that makes you feel overwhelmed..." "What does that mean?" "I mean, if you're continuing to have trouble sleeping, for example, or if you have disturbing thoughts or any more of these dreams that keep you awake," "I just want you to know that you can call me." "And perhaps after you return these pills in Julia's drawer, you should think about not going into her study again." "Goodbye." "Thank you." "Thank you."