"What were the band Blur previously called?" "Oh, er...was it Seymour?" " Very good." "Blimey." "Right." "How many characters did Alec Guinness play in the film Kind Hearts And Coronets?" "Put the radio on." "Seven." " Eight." "Ah, bollocks." " I like this song." "What's the most popular name for a dog in the USA?" "Oh, good one." " Shut up!" "I want MacDonald's Farm on." "We're listening to Mummy and Daddy's music." "Oh, come on, David." "Be fair." "He's got to learn he can't have everything his own way." "I want MacDonald's Farm on!" "Josh!" "Right." "No, no, no, next." "Oh, no!" "No, not that." "No, change it." "Yeah, that's all right." "Right." "Whose famous last words were these?" ""I shall hear in heaven. "" "Yours, if you don't put that down!" "I'm trying to make things go quicker." "Well, you're failing." "Well, thank you." "Actually, to be honest, I feel a bit sick." "Well, that's cos you're reading in the car, love." "Rachel, will you put the window down?" "What are you doing?" " Was it Mozart?" "Beethoven." " Ah, clever!" "You're clever." "He did warn you he was going to be sick." "I'd just had the car fully valeted." "David, we've run out of tissues." "Could you give me your handkerchief or something?" "Tissues!" "OK." "Oh, this is a great way to start a holiday." "Oh, no!" " Oh, sweetheart!" "He's going to stain the leather trim." "Why have we stopped?" "Are we lost?" " We're here." "Where?" " The back of beyond, by the looks of it." "Where we're staying." "There?" "Does everyone know what they're doing for the Millennium?" "Millennium?" "Oh, I'm trying to avoid it." "I'm sick and tired of the whole thing." "Yeah, worse than Christmas." " Still, you must have plans." "Plans, my arse." "No, I'm just glad that Rachel and me are going to be together." "We waited to see what parties we were invited to." "And?" " We're still waiting." "You haven't been invited to any?" " Oh, yeah, course we have." "Loads." "Er...one." "But not by people we'd want to spend any time with." "Certainly not the end of the century." "Well, we thought we'd just have a quiet night in." "On New Year's Eve?" "Well, we weren't, you know, sure that we'd have anything to celebrate." "So, that's it, is it?" "I mean, this is possibly the most historic moment of our lives, and you two are at a party you'd rather miss, and you two are gonna be at home watching television." "What's wrong with that?" "Who says you have to have a good time?" "New Year's always shite." "The Millennium will be a hundred times worse." "Thousand." "It's meaningless." "It's not a moment in history." "It's a moment in time." "Why do anything special?" "What are you doing?" "Oh, we're going away." "We've rented this...big place, and we thought we might invite a few friends to join us." "Oh, no." "You see, that..." "that sounds very nice, actually." "You didn't want to do anything special." " No, no, but, you know..." "You should be with friends, shouldn't you, David?" "Well, the question is, which friends to invite?" "Oh, David, shut up!" "Look, we'd really like it if you all come." "I would have invited you all sooner, if I'd known we could book this particular place." "Somewhere I used to go on my family holidays, and I'd be allowed to take a school friend." "I mean, it really is fantastic." "You spent your holidays here?" "Yeah, some of them." "You'll never take my castle!" "I'll have your castle." "En garde!" "Bloody hell!" "What were your holidays like, then, Pete?" "Oh, good shot, Pete!" "Yes!" "Yes, yes, yes!" "He'll play for England one of these days, this lad." "Do you think so, Dad?" "Do you really, really think so?" "Captain, I shouldn't wonder." "When you said it's a castle, I thought you meant in your imagination." "But it really is a castle." "Yeah, it was, in Tudor times." "Does it have central heating?" "Yep." "Radiators throughout." "Hot water on tap." "They were clever, those Tudors." "This causeway floods twice a day, so to leave the island, you've got to time it right." "Why would you want to leave?" "God, it's amazing, isn't it?" "It can't come cheap, though." "No, no, David managed to get a deal." "For the Millennium?" "David might disappear up his own arse sometimes, but he knows how to organise a holiday." "What are you doing?" "Oh, just wondering what you'd brought." "You didn't happen to pack that silk thing... that I got for our first New Year together?" "No?" "Yeah?" "I packed for warmth." " Ah, well, that can't have been warm." "Well, I wouldn't know." "I'd hardly got it on before you took it off." "Well..." "I think they like it." "David, they absolutely love it." "You are very, very, very clever." "You know, I think it's gonna be good, this break." "Don't you?" "Yeah, I do." "I think it's gonna be very therapeutic." "Love, you don't mind us sharing a bed, do you?" "Oh, shut up." "Hey, come on." "We're married." "It's...you know." "It's fine." "Whatever." "Hey, we had a four-poster on our honeymoon, didn't we?" "One thing at a time, love." " Yeah, yeah." "Sure, sure." "Hey, what's that noise?" "Do you think it's a ghost?" "No, I think it's an orgasm." "It is." "The walls here must be paper-thin." "Elther that or they're bloody noisy." "Come on, Pete." "You can't listen." "Come on." "It's private." "Come here." "Hey!" "Ah!" "Hi." "So, you've finished, then?" "Unpacking, I mean." "Yeah." " David suggested we go and make a fire." "Yeah..." " Yeah." "A fire." "Yeah." "Good." " Hot." "Right." "Come on." "Here come the Chippendales." "Let's have a look at you." "Points for style!" " And physique." "Yeah, get your kit off, lads." "Ah, and first up, the rugged, outdoor type, David Marsden." "Look at those shoulders, honed to perfection on the golf course!" "Come on, Daddy!" "Yes!" "Devastating!" "He sets the early pace." "Well played." "And next up, it's Adam Williams." "What's he gonna go for?" "Oh, he's playing safe." "He's taking on a wood chip." "Thanks to the crowd, he's changed his mind." "Has he taken on more than he can chew?" "Go on, son." "Chop to it." "Come on!" "Oooh!" "Almost got your pride intact." "All right." "Here we go!" "Next, the people's favourite." "La-la-la..." "Yes, they don't call him The Axeman for nothing." "Whole forests tremble at the sound of his foot falling." "It's a masterclass in lumberjacking." "Go for it!" "Rubbish!" "Ohh!" "Rubbish, Pete!" "Shut up, will you?" " I'm embarrassed." "Where's your pride, Pete?" "Now, perhaps we should establish a few ground rules." "You're serious?" "Yeah." "How about a swear box for anyone mentioning the M-word?" "What's that?" " Motherfu..." "Millennium!" " Oh, no, hold on." "I'm all for that." "I thought you were talking about a rota system." "Cooking and cleaning and all that bollocks." "Well, we have to do that as well." "Now, do we each want to do our own chores, or take things in turn?" "I'm not chopping wood again." "And we need to sort out a kitty system." "But all this can wait, can't it, David?" " Yeah, we're on holiday." "Come on." "Let's have a laugh." "Daddy!" "Oh, I don't like it!" "Hugh?" "Are you down here?" "I'm not playing any more." "Hugh?" "Scared you." " No, you didn't." "Mrs Marsden, David's wet himself!" ""Cannon to the right of them, Cannon to the left of them," "Cannon in front of them volleyed and thundered." "Stormed at with shot and shell," "Boldly they rode and well." "Into the jaws of death, into the mouth of hell," "Rode the six hundred."" "Yes!" "Well done, David!" "No, there's more." "Hey, that was good craic tonight, wasn't it, love?" "Yeah, it were a laugh." " I just hope the nipper sleeps through tonight." "Oh, now David and Karen are at it." "Mercifully short, mind." "Doesn't surprise me." "Bloody hell." "Night, Adam." "Night, Rachel." "Night, Peter." " Night, David." "Night, Karen." "Night, Peter." "Go on." "Good night, Pete." "Night, Jenny." " Night, Peter." "Actually, I think I'm gonna need another piss." "Er...what's that?" "Millennium clock." "Oh, that's a quid!" " Oh, piss." "How does it work?" " Batteries." "Oh, I see." "It's a normal clock, with a read-out that counts down to the Millennium." "Two quid!" " Oh, bugger!" "Is it accurate?" "Quartz precision." " And it runs on batteries?" "Er...yeah, we set it by the speaking clock at home." "But there's no TV and radio here, so how are we gonna know when it's the big moment?" "Nearly said Millennium." " Now, that is a quid!" "Shite." " Hey, have you seen this?" "What?" " David's written us out a rota." "What?" " You and Pete are cooking tonight." "Oh, no, I'm on holiday." "Well, you've still got to eat." " So have we." "But me and Adam can't cook." " Why can't we do the washing-up?" "You're down to do that, as well." " Huh?" "She's right." "We're down to do the lot!" "That's not fair." "Come on." "What does he take us for?" "Women?" "Oh, well said, Germaine." "David, why don't you just take the car?" "The tide will be in shortly." "Do you know what you're doing?" "Karen, it's a voyage of only a few hundred metres." "In fact, "voyage" is rather a grand word for it." "Take care." "Bye, David." " Don't forget the booze, big fella." "You and Adam - you seem to be doing good." "Yeah?" "What makes you say that?" "I don't know." "Just seeing you together." "Well...actually, just sort of hearing you together." "Yeah, I think we've finally put all that..." "Kris stuff behind us." "Yeah?" "Oh, that's good, Rach." "Thank you." " That's good." "I'm happy for you." "Thanks." "You and Pete seem to be doing OK, too." "Yeah, we do, don't we?" " Yeah." "It's funny, cos, sort of..." "I just didn't think that you could sort of fall in love with someone, you know, all over again, but..." "..maybe you can." "Of course you can." "Lightning strikes in the same place twice." "No, it doesn't!" "That's the point." "Oh, God!" "No..." "No, it doesn't." "Er..." "That was a very bad example." "Sorry!" "Anyway..." "So far, so good." "Yeah." "Well see." "God, I love it here." "It's so gorgeous." " It's beautiful." "It's dead boring here." "There's nothing to do." "We're playing golf." " Shot!" "No, we're not." "We're chipping balls into a wooden boat..." "Whoa!" "Hang on." "..because we're bored shitless." "I found a shop there selling fireworks." "I thought we might set off a few to welcome the New Year." "Ah, that's a quid." " No, it isn't." "Yeah, it is." "You said Millennium." " No, you did." "Can you guys give me a hand with that stuff?" "Oh, yeah." " Yeah, in a minute." "We're in the middle of a tense battle." "I'm Tiger Woods, obviously." "And he's Nick Faldo." "Well, at least, he's playing like Nick Faldo." "Erm...sorry, but could you mind the clubs?" "Cos they're brand-new." "Yeah." "I reckon we should shove one up his arse." "What do you reckon?" "A putter?" "A three-wood would go further." "You know, I'm never coming on holiday with him again." "It's just..." "One night in the pub I could stand." "But if there was a lock-in, absolutely no way." "He's..." "He's driving me mad." "All these rules and rotas." "It's like being on holiday with your mam." "God Almighty!" "I think you got a birdie." "Actually, maybe an albatross." "What are we gonna do about tea tonight?" "Cheat." "Do you fancy a pint later?" "Oh, do I!" "He's only bought wine." "Well..." "If you show me yours, I'll show you mine." "Oh, my God, I didn't see you there." "Are you all right?" "Fine." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Karen..." "I don't think anyone likes me." "What?" "They laugh behind my back." "They don't want me around." "Who?" "Pete and Adam." "Jenny." "Ramona hates me." "Rachel really likes you." "So, you admit it's true?" "David, darling, no-one dislikes you." "They just maybe find you a little bit intense, you know, playing milk monitor the whole time." "I just want people to enjoy themselves." "I know you do, darling, but you can't force them to, and they might resent you trying." "You think I should tone it down a bit?" "Maybe you should scrap the Cluedo tournament." "OK." "Woo-hoo!" "This is great." "Yeah." "I love it." "Don't you think they'll miss us?" " I told them we were going on a nature ramble." "What, and they believed you?" " David even wanted to come." "I had to creep out behind his back." "What's in this box here?" "Blimey, it's the fireworks." "We forgot to take them in." "Oh, just put that rag on them and keep them dry." "Yes, one wouldn't want to ruin his display." "No, we might piss him off slightly more!" " Yes." "Oh, the life on the ocean waves!" "Under that rock there." "There's one under the rock." "Quick, quick, quick!" "Where?" " He's gone under there." "Come on." " It's very good of you to come on this trip." "I thought you'd spend the Millennium with your boyfriend." "Yeah, well, we had talk about it." "God, that's awful." "No, he'll be back next week." "I'll see him then." "Got one!" "Another one?" "You are such a good little crab-catcher!" "Cheers." "Adam, I really think we should phone David and let him know where we are." "Pete, will you relax?" "We're on our holidays." "Come on." "We'll have these, pick up the pizzas and be back before dark." "Yeah, but it's my turn to give the nipper a bath." "I don't want to be in Jenny's bad books." "Oh, right." "And you think, by telling her we're down the pub, you'll get some Brownie points?" "Point taken." "You know something?" "Since having cancer, beer's tasted better." "You mean having a gonad chopped off improves your taste buds?" "No, you bollocks!" "I mean you appreciate it more." "Yeah, obviously." "It makes you less irritable." "You were so lucky having cancer." "Really?" "Oh, you're all right now." "Oh, yeah." "I mean, I'm a bollock short, but..." "But you got Rachel back." "You know." "I wish it had happened to me." "You and Jen are together." "Yeah, we're under the same roof, but we're not back together." "I mean, she's making the effort, but it doesn't come naturally." "I mean, if I'd had cancer or a near-death experience... or even been in a coma, she might learn to love me again." "Well, you be careful what you wish for." "Come on, let's bed these." "Hey, are you sure you're in a fit state to drive this thing?" "Huh?" "Four pints?" "Piece of piss!" "Watch this!" "Oi!" "Pack it in, will you?" " Round we go!" "Come on!" "What are you doing?" "Oi!" "Oi!" "Mind the pizzas, will you?" "Oi, stop mucking about." "This is dangerous." " All right, all right." "See?" "Now look what you've done." "Oh, it's all right." "Just calm down, tensionhead." "Stop buggering about." "These pizzas are going cold." "Just get it restarted." "I'm trying!" "Watch it!" "Snap!" " Yeah!" "There's no sign of Adam or Pete." "Have you seen them?" "No." "Oh, great." "The baby's woken up." "It's his turn to give him his bath." "Oh, God." "I'm coming, love!" "All right." "Snap!" "Yay!" "Well done, Josh." "Well done." "You don't know what you're doing." "You'll flood the engine." "Since when did you become a marine engineer?" "Just give it a couple of minutes, and everything will be all right." "Trust me." "Yeah, you're probably right." "I could murder some pizza." "Do you think we should maybe look for them?" "They'll turn up." "They always do." "Yeah, but what if they've..." "slipped on a rock or something?" "Well, if one of them had, the other would have come for help." "Oh, they're playing silly buggers somewhere." "Either that or they're trying to duck out of cooking the evening meal." "Might be a blessing." " I can't help worrying." "Please, face it." "It's not gonna work." "Oh, God." "Christ, it's getting dark." "What are we gonna do?" "I suggest we paddle." " What with?" "Here - this." "No, I think we should be getting back." " No, no, to paddle with." "Oh, right." "OK." "You go over there and start that side, yeah?" "Yeah." "OK, are you ready?" " Go." "Oh!" "Hey, steady." "Sorry." "How are you getting on?" " Not good." "No, me neither." "Adam!" "Hey, I've found more torches." "Right." "Give them here." "Jenny, you've got one." "Rachel, here." "We each take a different direction." "David, will you stop bossing us about?" " Rachel, it makes sense." "Sorry." "You're right." "I'm going this way." "Adam!" "Pete!" " Adam!" "Adam!" "Pete!" "Adam!" "Adam!" "Ah, this is no good." "Forget it." "My paddle's gone soggy." "Mine too." "Maybe we should have another slice of pizza." "I don't even know which direction we're heading." "Shh." "Listen." "Listen." "Can you hear that?" "That's probably just the wind." "Adam, I'm scared." "We'll be all right." "The wind'll blow us back to shore." "Or out to sea." "Forget it." "It's not working." "Nothing." " Right, let's ring the coastguards." "Do you really think that's necessary?" " Karen, they could be in the water." "Or they could be winding us up." "Why don't we check the house once more?" "David, we have checked the house." "There is no-one here." "Please phone the coastguard!" "Right." "Oh, shit." " What?" "No signal." "This is all your fault." "Oh, yeah?" "You were the one that was buggering about." "Who wanted a near-death experience?" "You had to take me!" "Oh, I only wanted the one pint, and then go back." "Ah, away and boil your head!" " Oh, kiss my arse!" "OK, that's the lights on outside." " Right, I've done the tower." "I need to turn his headlights on." " Good idea." "I'll get my keys." "God, I need a pee." "Oh, my God, Pete, look." "Look!" "Oi!" "Oi!" "Oi!" "Oi, over here!" "Hey!" "Adam!" "They can't hear." "Have you got a lighter?" " What?" "They'll never see that." "No, you bollocks." "I'm gonna light the rag and wave it." "Gimme, gimme, gimme." "Brilliant!" " Oi!" "Oi!" "Help!" "Hello!" "Over here!" "Adam!" " Adam!" "Karen!" "Karen, look." "What's that?" "Over here!" "Over here!" "Oi!" "Oi!" "Oh, my hands are on fire!" "Throw it away!" "Throw it overboard." " Where?" "Aaaarghh!" "Aaaarghh!" "We're on fire!" "Abandon ship!" "Abandon ship!" "Ohhhhh...shit!" "Eh?" " The tide's gone out!" "We're saved!" " Woooh!" "The fireworks!" "Were you scared?" "I would have made it through." "The sea wasn't rough." "We had pizza." "Worst-case scenario:" "we could have huddled up for warmth." "I was." "Yeah, so was I." "I mean, you know, I've just beaten cancer." "I didn't think it was fair to be lost at sea." "Promise you won't ever do anything like that again." "Ever's a long time, Bradley." "I'm not going anywhere." "How could you be so stupid?" "You put your life on the line for a pint and a takeaway pizza?" "Don't be daft!" "We weren't in any danger." "Listen to me, right?" "Rachel were worried sick." "I didn't know what to think." "Well, do you know what?" "A little bit of concern would have been nice!" "Listen to me." "I wanted you back safely, right, so that I could throttle you!" "A little light maiming." "I mean, God, Pete, you could have drowned!" "You could have drowned." "The tide was out." "It's easier to drown in a bath." "You weren't to know that." "It were pitch-black!" "You ought to be thankful me and Adam are still alive!" "Oh, my God..." "I am thankful, right?" "I'm thankful that our son won't grow up without his dad." "Hi-di-ho." " Hi." "God, did you hear them last night?" " Who couldn't?" "They heard them on the mainland." " Do you think we should say something?" "Yeah, like, "Can you keep it down in future?"" "What can you say?" "Best just to leave them to it." "They're probably not even aware that we heard them." "Pretend everything's normal." " Morning." "Morning!" "Sleep well?" " Yeah." "You heard us rowing, then?" "Rowing?" "No." " No." "No?" "Oh, that's funny." "It's just that we heard you having sex all night." "No, you didn't." " Not last night." "Night before." " And last night." "And this morning." " That was me being sick." "It was Ramona's paella." " She said it was fresh." "Yeah, she did." " Josh told us where they found the crabs." "Found them dead in a rock pool." " Oh, you're joking?" "Are you all right, Pete?" "Yeah." "No, actually." "No." "I'm annoyed with somebody." "Who?" " David." "He put me down to make the fire." "Pete, we've never discussed me telling Jenny about you and Amy." "Are you going to apologise?" " No." "I'm just very sorry it led to so much trouble." "Look, it's not your fault." "It's mine." "I should never have got involved to start with." "I just hope that you work things out." "I'd really hate it if you split up." "What?" "Me and Jenny, we're never gonna break up." "At least, I hope not." "I mean, Jenny was bound to find out in the long run." "You telling her..." "just saved me the grief from later on." "Do you think so?" "No." "I'm just telling you that to make you feel better." "By the way, we used up all the wood for the fire last night." "Hey!" "Go on, girls!" "Lovely." "Very good." "Very good." " Go on, Jen." "Oh, you're gorgeous." "Brilliant." "Good arse, Karen." " That's the stuff." "Go on!" "Shake it, girls." "Lovely." "Go on, Jen." "Nice." "I want to get out." "Come on, then." "Only for a short time." "Come on." "Up, up." "Hello there." "Hello." " What's your name?" "Gilly Gall." " Billy Ball?" "How are you?" " I'm thirsty." "What do you want to drink?" " A gottle of geer." "Gottle of geer." "What are you looking at?" " Nothing." "What?" "Are you looking up Karen's skirt?" " Yeah, I can see her geaver." "You can see her what?" " Geaver." "Now, back in the box." " I'm not going in the gox." "Go on, you dirty animal!" "Beast, get down." "Do you remember I asked you a question once, and you said no?" "Was this about three in a bed?" "About two in a church." "Or a registry office." "Yes." "You mean you want to?" "No, I remember the question." "Ah." "Er..." "So, what do you think?" "I think..." "I love you." "I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you, have your child..." "Or children." " Whatever." "But..." "Marriage?" "Why?" "What's the point?" "Oh, I don't know." "Tax." "Presents." "To make a grand statement to the world." "Do you think the world's interested?" "How much do you think a wedding would cost?" "Oh, I don't know." "Five grand." "Then, of course, there's the honeymoon." "Not that we could afford one." "Except a couple of days in Grimsby." "Why don't we just blow the whole thing on a couple of weeks in Bali... and see if the mood takes us while we're there?" "Marry on a beach?" "Or just have great sex." "Or both." "I've never done it on a beach." "Well, not with you, anyhow!" "Hey, Rach, are you going into the village?" "Yeah, I'm shopping for tonight." " Can I come, please?" "I want to go to a chemist." "Oh, I'II go for you, if you want." " No, I fancy a break." "OK." "Mierda." "La bateria!" "Joder!" "Ay!" "Baterias..." "It's funny, Jen, coming back here after all these years." "Yeah, this sort of place doesn't change much, I imagine." "But my memory does." "You know." "Rooms aren't where I thought they were." "That sort of thing." "Everything looks different when you're a kid." "Yeah." "Do you know, I remember once my parents here having a blazing row." "It was probably about nothing, but to my brother and I it was the end of the world." "We had visions of our parents splitting up, and each taking one of us at the end of the summer." "Of course, by suppertime it was all forgotten." "Well, David, you tell me, mate." "Should parents stay together for the sake of their kids?" "I don't know." "I think they should stay together for the sake of each other, frankly." "Every marriage goes through its bad patches." "But that's just what they are, by and large - just patches." "Maybe." "You've got to give a marriage time, to find out." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to interfere." "Here." "You should be able to see some seals from here." "Hey!" "That one looks like Pete's mum." "Oh, yeah!" "40-30." "That was uncatchable." "Match point." " Anyway, it was out." "Match punto." " It was out." "No." "Anyway, the girls are here." "I'd better give them a hand." "Hey, no peanuts?" "Now, did you get my desserts?" "Yeah." "We've got vanilla, chocolate and pistachio." "Pistachio?" "I'm not supposed to be that adventurous a cook." "There you go, mate." " Oh, cheers." "Thanks a lot." "What time do we want to eat?" "I'll tell you..." "Hey, what's happened to that?" "What?" " My Millennium clock." "That's a quid." " It's not working." "Time stands still." "Someone took the batteries." "Was this you, David?" "Hmm?" "No, of course not." "You hated this clock, so who else would take the batteries?" "Calm down, Pete." "It's just a clock." "Yeah, a clock that was supposed to tell us when the Millennium was." "Er..." "I almost hate to say this, but..." "Just shut it." "Just because it wasn't your idea, you had to go and ruin it, didn't you?" "Grow up!" "I didn't touch your precious Millennium clock." "Maybe I should keep score." "You know what you are?" "A control freak." "That's what you are." "Well, you're an ungratefull little shit!" "You know that?" "Charming." "Have you thanked me once for organising this holiday?" "Huh?" "You obviously have no idea what it involved." "You don't just conjure castles out of the air, you know." "No, I used contacts, called in favours, moved heaven and earth, to spend the Millennium here with people I consider friends." "I wanted it to be special." "Something we could remember and cherish for the rest of our lives." "David, it is special." "Yeah, and we will cherish it." "Or at least remember it." "I even lied about the cost, so it wouldn't be a burden." "What, it was more than 500 quid?" " Of course it was." "But it doesn't matter." "It's my Mllennium present, not that I was going to tell you." "David, we'll pay our share." " What?" "It's not the money, Rachel." "It's the spirit." "And no, Pete, I did not take your batteries." "David, can I have a word?" "Is everything all right?" "Somebody did." "The wind's getting up." "David, I'm really sorry about what I said." "It wasn't fair." "What?" "That I'm a control freak?" "Yeah, I'd say that was fair." "I can be a pain at times." "Huh!" "You can?" "You're a beginner, mate." "I give lessons." "I'm sorry I called you ungrateful." "Hey, you want to talk about fair comment?" "Look, David, I really appreciate everything you've done here." "I really do." "It's just that I'm not ungrateful - I'm ungracious, which is worse." "I really hope we don't fall out over this." "You know, Pete, if we were to meet now, you know, for the first time, we wouldn't be friends, would we?" "You'd think I was a prat." "No." "You'd think I was." "Whereas he... is." "No, well..." "I mean, we wouldn't be friends, just because of the way our lives are now." "We wouldn't be having a conversation like this." "We're all right, though, aren't we?" "Well, I am." "I'm going to be a father again." "Crikey!" "Congratulations." "Not a bad way to see in the New Year." " How are we gonna see it in?" "Oh, we've plenty more champagne." " But how will we know it's midnight?" "We could celebrate each time someone's watch says it's midnight." "One might be accurate." "Or not." "No, no, it doesn't matter." "OK?" "Like we've always said, it's just a meaningless moment in time." "What, the dawn of the new Millennium?" "Well..." " Mmm..." "That's it." "That's what we should do." " What?" "I'm clever." "We sit outside under the stars." " Yes!" "Then we'll know it's midnight, because the Millennium bug'll kick in, and we'll watch all the planes crashing!" "No." "We sit there and wait for the new dawn." "You know - the dawn of the year 2000." "What?" "All night?" "What time is it?" "Quarter to eight." "Not long now, then." "Thank God for that." "It's enough to freeze your bollocks off here." "Or in my case, bollock." "True." "Shall we do this again next year?" " Yeah." "No, we can't." "We're going to Bali." " Ooh!" "That's a little bit special." "Well, it might be special." "Welcome to the year 2000, folks." "Happy New Year, Rachel Bradley." "Happy New Year, Karen." " Happy New Year." "Happy New Year, darling." " Happy New Year." "Happy New Year!" " Happy New Year." "Happy New Year." " Happy New Year." "Happy New Year, Karen." " Happy New Year, Jen." "Happy New Year, Pete." " Happy New Year, Jen." "Happy New Year." "Happy New Year, Rachel." "Happy New Year, Jenny." " You too, mate." "Happy New Year, Jen." "I hope so." "Can we go to bed now?"