"YOU KISS LIKE A DEVIL" "Are we celebrating something?" "It's our anniversary, no?" "Do you remember?" "I am somewhat married." "I am somewhat divorced." "I don't want to force you, but what if we gave it a try?" "Now that we are both divorced." "And don't give me the same line again... that when two people start to live together, it's the beginning of the end." "And your ex-husband has really moved out?" " Are you joking?" " No it's just that it's been already three months... and Karel still has his shorts in your wardrobe, shaver in the bathroom..." "Hello!" "So I'm.. again..." "I wouldn't take these washed out T-shirts if I was you." "And in this jacket Helen won't even go to throw out rubbish with you." "I'm taking the yellow suitcase that you gave me for Christmas." "White Fang can shit on your suitcase for all I care." "Look, don't you want to explain something to me?" "We have explained everything during the twenty years, and now after the divorce..." "Don't be so nervous, muppet." "You will use up your battery!" "Helen waited for a year so one more hour won't make a difference." "Look, would you like me to tow you, darling?" "I was hoping we can say good-bye like normal people." "What's the rush?" "Will you invite me inside?" "You made it!" "And you know that I hate crumbs in bed." "And a mess on the sink..." "I hope you are not trying to prove to me our love won't survive hoovering." "Just wait and see how we fare during normal days." "Boredom and habits always kill passion." "Well I was never bored when I was married to Karel." "Those of us who have experienced marriage can imagine, how a relationship can get stale after a while." " Karel used to read on the toilet?" " Sometimes." "Puss in the boots?" "No, the Puss belongs to Bastik." "And that's the reason, why we have doubts about marriage." "Are you serious?" "We love each other, we have experience, there's no reason why this shouldn't work out." "OK." "Just next time, don't put in so much garlic." "Bohunka never used it in a potato soup." "Sorry." "Helena, can you make some space?" "I usually sleep on the left side." "One more question from the listeners of Frequency One, your book was sold out in one week, did you expect that?" "Of course, it's a story from real life." "Everyone who had some... troubles in love will recognise themselves in the novel." "You don't believe in marriage, so what's the point then?" "No point whatsoever, if we define a "point" as... a hope that we will find out the truth about a relationship of two people." "People say that you wrote about your own wife's affair." "Can you tell us, who was that lucky man whom your wife chose instead of you?" "It's possible to suffer throughout the whole life, but because we don't have another one, it's better to enjoy it and take it as entertainment." " Well, that's optimistic." " Yes, when readers read the book, maybe... they will see a lighter side to even their worst problems." "Don't fool around, now comes the suspense!" "Yes." "Hi." "I come from the summer house and stopped in a bakery on the way back." "So I thought I would take a look how it's working out for you two youngsters." "Do you want a coffee?" "I just made one for Helenka." "You baked a cake?" "When I used to cook I was always so careful that Helenka wouldn't gain weight." "Bullshit - in the kitchen he only ever wielded a bottle opener." "Yeah, yeah..." "Jesus, I'm sorry..." "I actually came to get some of my things." "You will make me happy when you finally take away your things!" "Amazing - can you give me the recipe?" "Kristina looked very nice at the signing." "Can you do me a favour and leave my sister out of this." "Your husband sleeps in a nightie?" " He's not my husband, and it's none of your business what he sleeps in, OK?" " OK." "You should have come to the signing yesterday." "People queued for Karel's signature for almost an hour." "I don't have to be everywhere." "Do you want a latte or a cappucino?" " Latte." " Are you trying a dating website on the internet?" "Tall, slim, without commitments." "Signature:" "Zorro?" "Yeah, if you found love when you're 50, I will be damned if I can't do the same!" "Hi, I am Zorro." "Zorro Little Sun." "Idiot." "But I won't give up." "So what are you doing for holidays?" "Friday is the last school day, Matej is going rafting," "Pida and Dida to a camp, I'll drive grandma to the summer house... and Bela will come to us with Maxik and Batik." "I'm recording." "Actually, why didn't Helen take Frantisek along?" "I don't know, I guess he's at work the whole weekend." "Hmm, and Karel probably won't come either..." "Please, don't try to sort out my father." "I feel like Alice in Wonderland." "I come home, the fridge is full, the washing machine is clean, and this is how Bohuna lived for 20 years." "Karel wouldn't wash even a coffee mug after himself." "And if it wasn't for his affairs I would have thought it was a good life." "Hmm, I would take Karel, he's not all that bad for me." " That's a stupid joke." " What?" "I would bring him coffee to bed..." "You have divorced him, you shouldn't mind." "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you," "Happy Birthday, dear Krista, Happy Birthday to you." "Hello family!" " Dad!" " Hi Bastik!" " You look wonderful, how old are you?" " You are lovely." " No, no, no." " A watch?" " But mom, it's not a watch." "Look, you do this - beep - and you pay with it." "Wow, Karel, ..." "Do you remmeber when I told you about those two Chinamen?" " What two Chinamen?" " They were kidnapped, and... the kidnappers gave an ultimatum to the Chinese government." "Either they pay one million dollars or they kill them." "Good evening, and we're back with our program "We will all meet in bed"." "Our guest today will give us advice on how to deal with the loss of a partner." "Those of us who have been divorced know what kind of a shock it is... when our life partner leaves us after so many years." "And what do you do?" "Do you jump immediately into the next adventure?" "Maybe, that's what I would do." "But that's completely wrong." "The healing process of a broken heart has four phases." "Anger, sadness, heartbreak, forgiveness." "And you can't skip any of them." "You have to come to terms with a loss of a partner." "Otherwise you will never find a new partner." "And what if I don't want to find anybody else?" "The most frequent mistake that abandoned women make is to... senselessly try to erase the unfaithful man from memory." "One day you wil find behind a wardrobe a picture or a sock... and it will be just like at the beginning, or maybe even worse." "Rule number one:" "Sadness has to go out!" "Go for a walk in grass in the evening." "Breathe deep." "And shout out loud your sadness." "I have neighbours, and I don't miss fresh air." "I'm on a building site the whole day." "Write a poem, or start a diary." " I wrote a letter." " Excellent, and where did you send it?" "To the Cosmical Complaints Department!" "Choose some really nice place at home, and make a shrine to your ex-partner." "Make sure he's always with you." "Do everything you used to do together." "Idiot." "What's the matter?" "Do you know what's the time?" "Why do you mess around the garden at night, what do you want me to do?" "What?" "You wanted to kill yourself?" "No, I wanted to plant a tree in your memory." " And what is this supposed to be?" " Your shrine." "To convince myself you have left for good." "Each morning I will bring you a fresh flower, light the candles, hm?" "You have buried me?" "Well, better to be a widow." "My shrink told me that." " Ouch!" " It's OK." "If you need something, then..." "I'm not counting on anything, muppet..." "I can't ask - if you return - or not..." "Fanda, come on Saturday, you have to cut the grass, clean the lake, ..." "Hobble on the other one!" " Hello." " Karel!" "What about your heart, everything OK?" "Karel, you haven't been for a check-up in a while." " I will stop by." " Listen, you have something with my sister?" "What about it?" "Kristina is a girl for any occasion, and also nice and quite sexy." "And that's the first time in 25 years you've noticed that?" " Not really." " And you don't mind the three kids?" "Whenever you invited her around before you never asked me if I minded her three kids." "That was something different." "We were a family then." "I'm asking you just one thing, stop fooling around with Kristina." "You know me." "I'm not used to being alone, and I don't want to get used to somebody I don't know." "I can move in with you." "I wouldn't risk that if I were you." " Have you ordered?" " I am waiting for you." "Listen, why did you pretend you don't know me?" "My publisher really likes to gossip." "But now that I work for the publisher, you can't keep this a secret." "And after all, we are going together to PGA." " You received the golf invitation?" " Oh, that's what you mean." "That's not going to be possible." "Firstly, I am writing, and second, I'm not very good at it." "I don't believe you'd miss such an opportunity." "Frantisek, do you want to finish reading it to me?" " Karel won't stop by today?" " Please stop it." "I'll wait for him and then I'll kill him." " Come on, I'm really curious." " The Chinese government ... didn't pay the one million so they killed the Chinamen." "Aha!" "And he's here." " Come in." " Hello!" " Nobody's been here in a while, hello." "Something's smelling nice." "Could you hold him?" "But like this, yes?" "Hello." "You are practising here like this." " Doesn't he need changing?" " No, he just stepped into some shit." "Yesh, stepped into a little shit." "Don't cry, darling." " So Karel went to our theater with Krista." " I don't care." "They were sorting out something, they were in the bar until midnight." " Stop it!" " Helenka, nobody's called you in a while." "Hello?" "No, I can't." "I won't come now!" "You can't do that!" "That would be incest!" "Excuse me, Karel is my brother-in-law." "My God, don't you know him?" "That's exactly why!" "He's not married, and the kids are used to him." "Mom, can you turn down the volume?" "Don't worry about Karel, you gotta see this." "Hmm." "Small, fat, happy..." "And who is that?" " That's me." " Fat, happy, cook, without commitments." " And a smoker." "Who's looking for nothing else but... amusement." "That was a hurricane, you'd be surprised. 135 replies!" "All of the poor lonely women are tall, slim, and non-smokers." "And now look. 40-year old sportsman, without commitments, trips to paradise." "Motto:" "Ferrari!" " Are your hormones playing up?" " So this one's mine, he's boasting more than all the others!" "Franta!" "Frantisek!" "Franta!" "Happy holidays." " Hi." " Hi." " Hello?" " Hello, this is small, fat, childless, cook." "Who is looking for nothing..." "just amusement." " Hello." " Hello." " Wow, you're good." "Really good." "Beautiful." "Wow." "Listen, can you also cook buns with cream?" "Look, I don't know if he left." "But the fact is  that from Sunday he sleeps here in the medical room." " Hello, doctor!" " Listen, I'd have never thought that." "Pepa, your fuel consumption doesn't match your journeys, ... be careful or it's gonna be on your payslip." "Listen, he's left pretty early, no?" "You have an unbelievable talent to complicate your life." "You hope all the time that everything will return to the original state, but it won't." "On Sunday, my husband cut the grass, cleaned the lake and bought fish." " Ex-husband!" " I always believed he'd come back, ... but I never hoped it would be this early." "Do not hope, and book another appointment." "That won't be necessary, doctor." "In a week I'll have the muppet back home." "Do you remember our unsucessful trip to Paris?" " You can't forget something like that." " This time it will work out." "I bought flight tickets and planned every last detail." "I have to apologise for my rather noisy family." "Wild nature, night in the desert, evenings above the sea." " Something like a honeymoon?" " Uh huh." "But just the two of us, completely alone." "Casablanca, that sounds so romantic." " Jesus Christ!" " Do you have to open?" "You have to drive grandma to the summer house." "I prepared the shopping list for you." "Get a copy of the keys to put around his neck..." " Why don't you call?" " Because your mobile is switched off." "And I need the flat empty." "I'm sorry, give me a second." " I've never met a man like that." " Is that the airline?" "You've gone completely mad!" "You can't deny your kids." " Why not?" " Get real." "They'll come back from camp." "You don't understand at all." "I'm not looking for a father for the kids, I gave up on that." "Why couldn't I experience some romantic adventure?" "Do you know how long I haven't been with anybody?" "So, we won't let anybody in again." " Yes, that's fine." " And when is the flight?" "Jesus, already next Tuesday." " We don't even have visas." " I'll be there in 35 minutes." "We don't need any visa." "I just moved my shift, and changed the flights." "We are flying tomorrow." "Pack your things, and please throw some of my stuff in the suitcase as well." "I'll be back in the morning." " Hello." " Hello." "You'll drive grandma to the summer house, here's the shopping list, I'll make a copy of the keys and you'll carry them around your neck." "I can't make it on Saturday." "Adam, please, ring Frantisek." "Now!" "Dad, why is gradnma hiding treasure?" "So that she'll have something to search for when she comes back, Bastik." "If I were you I wouldn't hide anything." "You know what happened last year." "Grandma, what is this?" "Go, sweetie, to play at the window, go, go." " What is it?" " No answer, it goes straight to voicemail." " Do you want one more sausage?" " Yes, thanks." " Could you spare some time in the evening?" " Depends on the program." "Actors on the scene, get them ready quickly while it's still light." " Lada, did you try the brakes?" " Yes, I drove it around, it's fine." "So you're walking together, then into his arms, 2-3 steps, and you're going up." " Sure." " And how should I look like?" " Like last time." " And we were shooting Fast Nets or that toilet paper?" "It doesn't matter, just be "happy"." " Hey, how fast should it be?" " 7-8 seconds." "Well, if you can't manage at home you shouldn't... pick attractive women who will be just taking your money." "I'm weak." "I just met one, a cook." "Small, fat, ugly." " Bullshit." "I need it a bit higher." "Down, down, put it down." "It's gonna be fine, I'll just adjust this." " Hold this for me." " Yes." " Yes!" " That ladder, and the boat, not now!" "Put it down." " Are you ready?" " Yes." "Put it down, you hear me?" "Idiot!" " You are a stupid asshole." " What are you doing there?" "Come down and stop delaying." "Guys, are you crazy, get her down." "Did you hear that?" "Is this your first time or what?" " Idiot." " Careful bunny, so that nothing happens to you." "You're the one to talk, you asshole!" "101 to 130, Vodacka Street, the swim channel." "I'm finished, no overtime, call somebody else." "Nobody else is free, the phone's ringing all the time, too many people are calling here." "I'm not interested in your private problems." "You change girls from the team like your socks." "That idiot is still somewhere around!" " It's nothing, baby, it's nothing." " Go fuck yourself." "Guys, don't bang her around." "She's here!" "You're such an egotist." "Helena, how could you do this to me?" " Just this one time, when I need you..." " Calm down, Adam will take care of everything." "Until that time you have my whole flat." "How come you can't connect me?" "In that case please tell him..." " I'm sorry, but we don't give messages." "Please tell me the name and address." "Helena Altman." "Altman?" "I'm sorry, what message should I give to the doctor?" "Either he makes the plane, or he's dead!" "Control room, do whatever you want, but delay them by ten minutes." "This is last call for flight of Royal Air Maroc AB411, exit B17." "101 for 130, bad news, the flight control won't delay the flight." "Yes, hello, Milunka, please tell Frantisek when he comes back... to buy feed for fish and earthworms." " What?" " Yes, earthworms." " I have new fishing rods for him, and..." " But the doctor yesterday... changed his shift and after nightshift he departed." " He departed?" " What do you mean departed?" " Well you know his new girlfriend, that French professor, she was really angry in the morning." "She probably didn't manage to buy his swimming trunks." "Yes, of course, holidays, he told me about it." "Well, that's gonna be again waste of money." "It's possible that beyond Atlas we will experience a desert storm." "Don't scare me, and sign here." " What was the happiest moment of your life?" " Now." " And what was the least happy?" " Now." "I've never experienced a day this short." "Helenka, wake up, we overslept!" " Hurry up!" " Don't worry, we'll make it." "Come on!" "And that's that." "I'll get you something to drink." "Don't go anywhere, we leave in ten minutes." "Don't worry, I'm a big boy now!" "Come on, hurry up!" "Shit." " Where are you?" " I'm on the train." "Do you know how you scared me?" "I nearly had a heart attack." "Can you show your head from the cabin?" "I love you, I love you, I love you." "I can't see you." "Hello?" "Hello, can you hear me?" "Hello, hello?" "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." "Stop!" "Stop!" " You're wonderful!" "How did you do it?" " I spent all the money!" "Come on." "Come on." " Where are the suitcases?" " Right here." " This is the wrong cabin." " No." "My magazine is here." " And where is my bag?" " What bag?" " The bag with all our documents." " Come on, let's go back." " The only thing we have is paid for accommodation for three days." " Here?" " Yeah." " Better sleep in the train station." "Good evening." "Welcome." "My name is Fleur Darbois." "Call me Fleur." "Please, come in." "Your room is on the first floor." "One nightgown, one night shirt, underwear, wonderfully sexy." "What else do we have here?" "Suncream, two toothbrushes, coffee." ""Men Suffer from Menopause Earlier than Women"?" " Can I read this first?" " No." "I wouldn't throw this out if I were you, we can't even afford toilet paper." "Everything is OK, we just have to survive until Monday when the embassy opens." "One thing is positive:" "it can't get any worse." "Are you crazy, drink water here?" "As if we didn't have enough troubles." "I'll go buy you a mineral water." "This time you don't have to hurry so much!" " Hello, Bohunka!" " Well that's really nice that you remembered me." " And where are you calling from?" " What, you are in Morocco?" "And with whom?" "You're really funny." "We live in a riad, we got lost on the street." "Really, Casablanca?" "Wow, that sounds wonderful." " So romantic, just the right place for honeymoon." " Bohunka, don't interrupt me." "We are in Marrakesh, and a catastrophe happened to us." " They stole our luggage, passports, credit cards, we don't have anything." " You don't say?" "Can you do something for me?" "I will give you the address and number of the hotel." " There's a cup starting tomorrow in Marrakesh." " Don't start with golf, my battery is almost out." " They stole your charger?" " No, that one I forgot at home." "And how much do you need?" "Only five hundred euros?" "And how about more, maybe ten thousand?" "Look, muppet, thank fate that you are with your love." "And don't be so modest, repeat after me:" "I urgently need ten thousand." "You have to trust in this, and you'll have the money within three days." "Oh, you can't even afford water?" "Look, tomorrow find a Western Union branch..." "No, no, calm down." "Problems of my ex-wife and her current lover are of utmost importance to me." "So..." "And the chicken is in the oven." "We are full, we are full." "We already ate." " Does the accommodation include breakfast?" " I hope so." "Please, take some." "Tea." "Our Moroccan whiskey." "Tell him we already had dinner." "We already ate." "Tomorrow!" "Couscous, tagine, harira..." "We have everything, sir!" "I should probably finally tell you, why I replied to your ad." "You don't have to." "All men pretend they want an intelligent, gentle partner, but in reality they want a dumb but happy one." " Yes?" " Yeah." " Where did you leave the Ferrari?" " Well on Tuesdays I drive the Merc." " Wow, you live here?" " Yeah." " With your husband?" " Why are you so nosy, are you a detective?" "Why are you so nervous?" "My home is also a bit messy." "Burgers!" "I love them!" "Especially with garlic." " You're also making a cake?" " Yes, that's my speciality." "Yeah?" "Are you married?" "Well, he is in a hospital at the moment." "But it's over." " He was an alcoholic." " Uh huh, yeah." "Hi." "Welcome home." " Watch out, the alcoholic is back, dress up!" " That's an old joke." " And also my husband died." " Maybe he was reincarnated." "I will just take a couple of things." "Do you know where is the charger?" "Please, just don't ask me anything." "Did you know that Helenka and the doctor went on honeymoon?" "And have you called lost property?" "I'm sorry, madam." " You know..." "Morocco is not Europe." " Thank you, inspector." "But what should we do now?" "Dze only shance how to find dze sootcase." "You speak Czech?" "I was in Prague." "I have a picture." " Is there Western Union nearby?" " No, only in Casablanca." "My husband sent me there some money." "That was a joke." "It's on the other side of Marrakech." "Is that a joke too?" "Girls, ladies, it's good quality, OK?" "This will really suit you." "What a slalom!" "We're nearly there." "No, no, I don't understand!" "Madam, come on - wake up!" "Legs up - hold her legs!" "Madam!" "That's not possible." "Maybe there's another branch of Western Union here?" "I'm sorry, this is the central branch." "You didn't receive any money." "Well, that's completely wrong." "To enjoy other's misfortune." "I don't wish him anything bad." "Just to suffer like I did, that's fair, no?" "No, no, that's not the right way to heal a broken heart." "You need to be at the court at half past eleven." "And your next patient is here." "That trouble will energise him, and he will come back to me." "I guarantee you it never happens like that." "Everything needs its own time." "Forget about everything and make sure you are a good person." "Go on some small trip, and during the journey... be nice to all the people you meet." "Smile." "Throw flowers around you." "Give yourself." "And when you find love in your heart, even a miracle can happen." "Hello Jaruska, could you do something for me?" "In the evening..." "I see, you still haven't forgotten." " Hana, do you have time in the evening?" " Jesus, you can see, no?" " Are you free this evening?" " Are you crazy?" " Lada!" "Ladin!" " Well finally you're here." " Where are we going for dinner?" " I bought pancakes." "You just put them in the microwave." "I see." "So you go on a date and I will again be a nanny like an idiot!" "But first you have to pick them up from Marcela." "Fuck you." " Sorry for making you wait." " No, no, I'm not waiting at all." "I didn't manage it, we are shooting an ad, outside of Prague." " No!" " What's happening there?" " We are in a rush." "Krista, you are my saviour, but we have to leave it till tomorrow, OK?" "Well, I also have sometimes problems managing time." "If you only knew how much I need you." "I can't manage without you." " I can't wait either." " And if it wasn't that late..." " It's never too late." " And could you..." " For a moment?" " When?" " Now." " Right now?" " Hi." " Hi." " I have to be back in half an hour." "Aren't you too dressed?" "Wow!" "Twice grilled fish and salad." "Please, choose a table." " You have money?" " Small street-level retail." " Yeah - and what were you selling?" " We don't have luggage, money or passports... and I've also lost that idiotic feeling I've had for years." "Given the mess we're in, you're a carefree cutie." "All my life I had everything planned." "Everyone was expecting something from me." "And suddenly I have no idea what will happen tomorrow, or in an hour." "It's exciting." "Do you know what is love?" "When two people can... mutually reveal their deepest secrets to each other." "And put their life in the hands of the other person." "With perfect confidence." "Meow." "Sometimes I come up with something stupid." "For diarrhea, for constipation, for bloating, for stress." "Iodine." "Come again, any time!" "This is for you." " Is Mrs Helena Altman there?" " I think they are on the terrace." "Why have you never played the piano at home?" " I don't like competition." " Aha, he's worried that he'll run out of songs." "I used to moonlight in bars while studying medicine." "It's beautiful." "Well, well, Madam's not in the hotel." " Madam, madam, I have news for you!" " Give me one moment and I'm with you." "OK madam." "Hello washerwoman!" " Karel!" " Hello." " Hi." "Hi." "I'd have never thought you would find the time." " You've always been devoted to me." " It wasn't such a sacrifice... you know me, when golf is involved, at the end I can't resist!" "Excuse me, I have to get dressed." " Madam, I put your suitcase in your room." " Thank you." "And how is it going with Franta?" "Frantisek doesn't know I called you." "You don't want to spoil it for us, no?" "Sorry, I'd have never even thought of that." "Two breads." "Two... bread!" "Thanks." "Lunch!" "Darling!" " What is this?" " Hi, I brought something to wear for Helenka." "And a charger, you know her, when she can't gossip with Kristina... then you can't deal with her." " And what did you bring for me?" "For you, nothing." "But I can lend you shorts or golf clubs." " Can you give me my shirt?" " Well, Franta, where did you put Helenka's shirt?" "So what?" "We needed to eat, and couldn't afford even water." " What, you sold my..." " Franta, don't tell me you sold Helenka's underwear?" "No way, fuck, he even sold your bra!" "Do you know what pissed me off most?" "Our problem is not about luggage, passports, or money... and not even about Karel." "You just don't believe I could take care of us." "Damn." "How many times do you want me to repeat this?" "I didn't invite Karel." "I just asked him for money." "That's the same thing." "You know what I'll remember?" "No I don't." "I won't need any money from you or Karel." "And I won't take any." "Helena, this is so crazy and wonderful!" "I didn't expect it and this small miracle happened to me!" "I'm flying in the air!" "What about the kids?" "Have you told them?" "No, I haven't even told him where I live." "Let's not worry about him, let's enjoy the evening." " I have some business for tomorrow." " Yeah, and what is that?" "I will wash corpses." "Children, where have you been so long?" "I'm waiting to go and eat something." "Let's have some fresh crabs." "My treat." "You have trouble writing, no?" "So you are looking for inspiration." " Doctor, doctor!" "For you." " Thank you." "Bohunka is sending the money." "She's not coming here." "Hi." " You've surprised us." " I'm also surprised how much I miss you." "I hope you're not gonna do something stupid." "Something happened?" "Bohunka was kidnapped." "For God's sake, why would they kidnap Bohunka, are you crazy?" "I will pick up the call on the terrace." "They will call again." " And what did they tell you?" " We have your wife." " Right." " Either you meet our conditions, or..." " Or what?" "What conditions do they have?" "What a mess." "I hope they don't want a plane in exchange." "Can you cut it out at least for a while?" "Maybe Bohuna just wanted to make your life more interesting." "Do you know the story with the two Chinamen?" " That's a joke?" " That's no joke." "They kidnapped two Chinamen, and the kidnappers gave an ultimatum to the Chinese government." "Either they get one million dollars, or they kill them." "The Chinese government wouldn't give them a single dollar." " They didn't care if they killed them." " And did they kill them?" "They didn't." "They needed some money to finish road construction." "When they didn't get the ransom, they let the Chinamen go." " So you see, those were nice kidnappers." " Yeah." " Why don't they call?" " It won't be serious." "It wasn't even on TV." "Yes?" "Yes." "Madam Fleur." "Now it's on TV." "The kidnappers attacked a bus, stole all the tourists' money, and let them go." "They only kept three hostages, an American, a Japanese, and a Czech woman." "Don't panic, it's OK." " They let the American and Japanese go." " That's bullshit, they wouldn't keep Bohuna, are they completely stupid?" "Sorry." "Lifeisunjust." "But sometimes things have to get bad, so that they can be fine again, right?" "Get me my backpack." "I've got my medicines there, you understand?" "Medicine." "Me-di-ci..." "Give it to me!" "Look, don't try to bully me, I need iodine, against diarrhea, understood?" "You don't speak French?" "No." "What is this?" "Ten thousand euros." "For whom?" "Doctor." "Love." "My love!" "Humanitarian help." "Yeah, help in need." "Look, honey, I have no idea what you want, I already gave you the hotel number." "Hello?" "Yes, it's me." "Can you take a guess where I'm calling from, muppet?" "Muppet!" "Get me the money." "And no police." "No police." "They're calling some humanitarian organisation, I don't understand him at all." "We are no gangsters and we don't smuggle drugs." "That's gotta be a mistake." "What mistake - he's got my phone number and calls me... muppet." "Well, we found a right bunch of idiots." " What did they say?" " Three days, they won't wait longer." "I am careful, I don't rush things, but it's different with you." "From the first moment I saw you I knew you were the right one." " This car you have for Fridays?" " Not really." "This is my darling." "Three liters, two turbos, this is the dog's bollocks!" "When I speed up, the spoiler at the back goes up." "Cops love that!" " Where are we going?" " My home, I'll show you something small and cute." "You'll like it!" "Get ready, and let's go." "Careful you don't mess it up again." " Where is Lada?" " Sorry." " Hello." " Where are you?" " Where would I be?" " You fired me." " Look I'm not such an asshole." "I told you to come back when you sort it out home." "Guess what I'm doing - driving home, and sorting out!" "Come back here immediately!" "Hold tight." "Now!" "Don't be petty, Karel, we all know you are the only one here who has money." "Yes but I honestly earned it through hard work." "Nobody's questioning your genius." "But we also contributed." "If it wasn't for the two of us and Bohuna you'd have nothing to write about." "I'm sorry but don't expect me to spend money on ... the ex-wife of the future husband of my ex-wife!" "Do you have some other idea how to get money?" "Well..." "We can rob a bank." "That's a pretty stupid idea." "But classy." " So?" "Is he gonna lend you?" " No he won't, too many expenses with four wives, ... but I spoke with hotel detective, and have some good news, but also bad." "So tell me." "If you cooperate with the police and help them to find them, then they will catch them and put them in prison." "Or also won't." "They might just split the money with the kidnappers." "So now tell me the good news." "That was the good news." "The bad news is these are not nice kidnappers." "Wow, I see, madam, that you found your luggage.!" "Unfortunately the luggage wasn't found." " Again stolen?" " No, a woman got lost." "No, madam." "Look, no sea is so deep that you can't get aground." "This is little bit our honeymoon, and the kidnapped... woman is the ex-wife of my husband-to-be." "And why doesn't he keep both of you?" "I see." "Bohuna." "Merci, merci girls." "Thanks." "I took this book, so that I don't eat some snake by mistake." "Look, that's a cow, and that's a sheep." "I see." "And this is what?" "This is an ass, and this is my husband." "But he left me, bugger, and I have to find him." "I need a mobile." "Hello, hello, I need a mobile, you see?" "Just a minute, the three of you have one husband?" "Sure, just as long as you don't want me to join your group." "I hope that you have pages full of wild chases, broken cars and bloodied heads." "I am wise, I never skip ahead." " If you weren't so wise, you'd be a better writer." " Hahaha." "Radio, Bela." "Bela, stereo!" "What are you cooking?" "Can I come in, honey?" "Sorry sweetheart." "You didn't even eat the beans, you don't want more?" "You also spilled your tea." "Oh, no tea. that's marijuana!" "If I had you at home, I would teach you how to tidy up!" "Even ironing!" "She just doesn't shut up and doesn't shut up!" "I have good news." "The kidnappers came down by 25 grand." " That's good!" " But they have one condition." "That we do the exchange already tomorrow?" " You are really so wise!" " Helenka, look!" "You can't be serious!" "These are real, we'll put them on top." "You can't fool with this primitive trick even an idiot!" " The best plans are always simple." " Yes." " Look." " No way." "No shooting." "I'm no killer, but if the worst happens, I will have to protect him." "Put it down and don't play with it." "I told you to put it down and stop playing with it." "Don't tell me this piece of crap actually works." "Give me a cigarette." " Since when do you smoke?" " Since now." "Madam, madam, the police." " No word to the police." " Yes or they'll start sending us Bohuna piece by piece." "Good afternoon, madam." "You look magical." "Based on the victims' testimonies... they identified an especially dangerous gang." " They have trained goats." " White Fang can shit all over your goats for all I care." "He understands Czech." "The inspector wants to give you a microphone." "I won't wear a wire." "Children, does anybody want a melon?" "There was a girl/Living in a castle/ And she was wearing/A beautiful tassel." "And because/She had no shoes/ She also had/Nothing to lose." "What are you doing, you idiot, you asshole!" "Marrakesh." "I wasted two hours at the embassy." "They refused to give me your replacement documents." "Why?" "Because we're not married." "That's amazing!" "You can meet in the most unbelievable places!" "Have you also arrived today in Casablanca?" " No I had to sort out something at the embassy." " I see." "So my flight was delayed, and I missed the bus." " Maybe you have nothing to regret." " "Men Suffer from Menopause Earlier than Women"?" "That has to be really thrilling." " Depends for whom." " Jesus, sometimes I wish I was as old as you." "Old people finally don't have to worry about all those troubles with love." "You can do stupid things for love at any age." "I met a man two years ago, ... unfortunately, like all men worth sinning, he was married." "His wife, this happy fattie, who can cook really well, ... and sometimes mixes Viagra into his pasta with cheese." "And he was divorcing her for such a long time, ... that she finally left him." "So what's the problem?" "Women now queue for him!" "Quiet, quiet." "OK, now we can go." "Come on, move, please." "I see that thanks to Bohuna you are enjoying yourself more than you hoped for." "The kidnappers came down another 25 grand." "They'll call tonight." " It will be over tomorrow." " And the two of us can continue the romance." "My first love will be marrying soon..." "Are you gonna be long?" "I need to shower." " I'm naked." " I've already seen you naked." " Hopefully I won't faint." " I waited two hours on the terrace." " I'm not used to being alone." " You know what's most embarrassing?" " That you believe in your bullshit." " Yeah." " You should have taken... that star heart-doctor with you." " I ended it with her." "I don't know how to be with anybody but you!" "You are especially perverse." "Convincing me everything bad has happened and now it'll only be great." "And all that just to savour how you fool me again." "Neither of us is perfect, but we belong together." "You can't deal with the fact, that I can be happy with somebody else." " And that's the only reason you came here." " Yes!" "God, what a holiday." "One bigger idiot than the other one." " Fleur, do you have a message for me?" " Yes, sir." " Jesus, Karel!" " What?" " Hurry up!" "Shorts." "You idiot." "Get dressed and let me be!" "Karel was waiting for us." "He got drunk." "And it's here." " They sent instructions." " Look, I don't want to give you advice, but... maybe you shouldn't rush with the money." " What do you mean?" " The price goes down every day, maybe tomorrow they even pay us for taking Bohuna off their hands." " Kidnappers?" " They're asking, if we got the instructions." " Tomorrow at 6." " Did the price go down?" " No." " What else did they say?" "That they're tired of us." "Look, Helena, I can't explain it to you." "We are on the same wavelength with each other." " As if this was fate." " And what about the kids?" " Kids?" " I'll put them in an orphanage." " I see you have it well thought out." "Each day he has a surprise for me, and he texts me every two hours... that he can't live without me." "And here it is, and who ate carrots will get a hotdog." "Where did you put it?" "And you don't laugh..." "Drink up, drink up." " Hi girls." " Dad will be right back." " Dad?" " Yes." "And that's your mom?" "He promised us a new cook." "We have a new one each month." "Do you want?" "So I finally understand." "So those are your buns with cream?" "No, you don't understand." "My wife had to go to the hospital, and never came back." " She died?" " No, no, no, ran away with an Indian doctor." " Where, to India?" " To Holesovice." "Hmm." "This way is out of town, this here is the wrong way." " And so is this one." " So which one is good?" " None." " Karel, you couldn't find a worse wreck?" "It's a wreck, but with four wheel drive." "Don't worry, we have a perfect plan." "You should have left it to the police." "They could have been our safeguard if something happens." "If something happens, Franta falls to the ground, and I'll cover him." "Jesus, that's so idiotic." "You're beginning to think alike." " But Karel is much more attractive." " Hahaha." "Stop!" "I said stop!" "Shit, you're really good at this!" " Did you warn the police?" " I didn't tell them anything." " I don't want to bring you flowers on your grave." " Stop arguing, it's just a blown up buggy." " Kidnappers?" " They are asking where we are." " Where are we?" " Where do you think?" "Fucked." "Dry river bed will lead you under a red mountain." "Jesus, what an idiot." "It's the battery." "Krista?" "What is it?" "What are they doing there?" "Did they run out of petrol?" " Where are you, in Holesovice?" " Shut up." " Sorry." "Wiggle around the cable." "What are you doing?" "Wait, stop..." "You should go half-way." "Tell them I want to see Bohuna." "What are you doing?" "I told you." "They want to count the money first!" "Give me the gun." " Careful." " Stop it and hide." "Hey !" "The suitcase!" "Put the suitcase on the ground!" "Bohuna?" "Bring Bohunka!" "Shit, what are they doing now?" " Franta!" " Jesus, what an idiot!" " Franta, come back!" "Come here." "Frantisek!" "Franta!" " Hurry up!" " Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "That's what you get from his stupid ideas." "How I love him." "We'll be able to trick them..." "Idiot!" "We were lucky that he didn't shoot himself." "I don't understand how you could live with him for 25 years." "It didn't end that badly." "Nobody's dead." "I'm the only one who got shot." "Well, we had a lot of worries." "Boredom, habits, and Chinamen." " Why don't they call?" " You beat the crap out of him." "He's probably putting some ice inside his shorts." "I'm worried if they're gonna call." "You are always repeating yourself." "Bohuna from morning to evening." "My family offers better experience." "Take off your shoes." "Take off your shoes!" "Krista, I can't bear it here without you, bring some suncream." "Oh, please, can you make the walnut cake, the guys here are really looking forward to it." "See you!" "I asked you for help, but the kidnappers threatened us..." "And what did they say?" "They said they would kill her if we involve the police." "Do you have her picture?" "Unfortunately, I don't carry with me a picture of the ex-wife of my husband-to-be." "Excuse me..." "You owe me something." "Messier Charles got some shots off and now he plays dead." " It's my holiday as you can see." " They rang." "They threatened they will find us." " That Arab was pretty angry!" " Sorry but I have to prepare..." " for the evening party." " Don't fuck with me." "You owe me." "Pray I don't tell Helenka who shot me." "And when do they want to do the exchange?" "That's the thing." "We should wait for the time." "They didn't even allow me to speak to Bohunka." "You pretend like she was some kind of treasure." "Between ourselves, Helena also isn't unique." "Have you already seen an Arab dating site?" "Pretty bunch of cats, no?" " Hi, love." " Hi." " Sorry, my dictaphone batteries are finished." "I need to dress up." "So, bye-bye." "Bye!" "Who was that?" " Hello." " Bohuna!" " Bohuna?" " What happened?" " Nothing, I'm moved." " Are you looking for me, darling?" "My portrait is everywhere." " Yeah, but my nose is horrible." " Come on." "Your nose is... beautiful." " I don't." " Don't worry about your nose." " Tell me where you are." " In the market." "I'm coming to your hotel now." "Oh you're not in Sablechaud?" "Please don't go anywhere, I'll find you." "Hello?" "For God's sake, Bohuna, why are you doing this to me?" "Don't tell me it's fine and tell me where you are." " In some nightclub." " What nightclub?" "Hello." "Bohuna?" "Are you there?" "Hello?" "Taxi!" "Taxi!" "You look wonderful." "Stars fade in envy." "When I have the role of an idiot, I want to at least look nice." " And where is Frantisek?" " What do you think?" "Probably looking for Bohunka." "Helena, I still love you and you don't." " Is that why you called me?" " No, I want to invite you for a glass of champagne," "I'm not asking for your hand." "You know me, I love to celebrate my defeats." " Maybe it's not over yet." " Give me two minutes." "Somewhat old-fashioned selection." "This place is full of idiots." "My boyfriend is here as well." "I will introduce you." " Karel!" " So you queued for this one?" " He is so smart, and funny." " Isn't he a bit old for you?" "He has irresistible charm." " Darling!" " Helena, this is Monika." "Monika, this is Helena, my wife." "Ex-wife." "Who makes great pasta with cheese." " Sorry, I thought we had a pleasant evening yesterday?" " Yes." "We read our old favourite book." " Men in menopause?" " No." "About happy fattie, and a lying cat." "Asshole." "Cretin." "Taxi!" "You're eating like we didn't give you anything!" "I have been doing this for a long time, ... but I have never met anyone like you." "I'm looking for a husband." "I'm wild and unused." "I have a sunny and kind disposition." "I can change a tyre, sow beans, drive a truck, nothing is a problem." "Bohuna." "Bohuna!" "Franta is crazy with fear, running around Medina, and you are sleeping here." "For God's sake, why is he wearing a nightie?" "What happened to your leg, muppet?" "You also look horrible, Bohunka." "I have the ten thousand for you, and this on top." "That's a good one." "Bohuna robbed the kidnappers." " Now we're all going to prison." " Don't panic, we're safe here." "They will look for us, but in Sablechaud." " Where is Helena?" " She was just here." "Hurry up!" "Come on, faster!" " Don't just lie here, get up!" " What happened here?" " What did I miss?" " Put that bullshit into your novel, but leave me out!" "Don't worry about the clothes, and hurry up!" "Bohuna!" "Upstairs!" "Upstairs!" "Let me go, you lying shit!" "Let them be for God's sake, hurry up!" "Documents." "They are in the room." " What?" " I have them!" "Hurry up!" "Hurry up!" "Hurry up." "Give me your hand." "What are you doing here?" "Why don't you use the stairs?" " There's no time." " Hurry up." " And that's all." " Frantisek!" "Helena!" "Come on!" "I don't understand why I worried like this." "I'm not beautiful, but life IS beautiful." "You know what?" "That I would take Franta back." "What?" " You want?" " I would say that Frantisek doesn't want either of us." "Neither does Karel." "Look, I know a wonderful shrink for a broken heart." "Yeah!" "He recommended this excellent healing holiday." "Is Kristyna home?" " So?" " So what, everything's OK." "The kids are back from the camp, everything is back to normal." "Jesus, Krista, do you blame him?" "You didn't tell him the truth too." "Yes, but there is a big difference." "I thought he liked me, but he needed a housewife." "I'm just a cook for everyone, nothing more." "Just imagine, I met a great guy without commitments... and in ten days he got himself three kids." "You know who caught my eye?" "A small, fat, bald, ..." "Bald?" "I don't think so." "Mom, do you know where are the connectors?" " They are where you put them." " Get lost." "Mom?" "I can see that madam is also "without commitments"." "But it suits you." "Much more than when I first saw you..." "You know what?" "Buy a carrot, and go back to Holesovice." " Look, I don't mind you have a kid." " Pida, Dida!" "Normal guy will pay a nanny, instead of wooing her with romantic bullshit." " Come on!" " They are all yours?" "Yeah!" "Two and one is three." "Well, that's a significant relief." "I changed the duvet, and threw out moldy bread." "That's all you'll tell me?" "Noone has cleaned here in a while." "Let's start from the beginning, and this time, let's try not to mess it up." "Helenka, not now." "I'm sure Karel will ring in a second." "I don't think that's funny." "That's not a joke." "He doesn't want the money back." "I live with him." "Karel writes, I cook." "It works." " Where did you put the azaleas?" " What azaleas?" "The dried flowers that stood here in a pot." "Here, on the shelf." "I threw them out in the bin." " Are you kidding me?" " No." " The bins were full, so I took them into the container." " What?" "Into the container!" "Ouch!" "I have them!" " What the hell are you doing here?" " Karel?" " Where are you going?" " I'm driving, catch me, Karel, catch me!" " Helena, where are you going?" "Helena!" "Call ambulance!" "My God!" "Helenka, put a mobile in my coffin, and call me how the ceremony went." "You'd disappoint me if you didn't say something idiotic." " You kiss like a devil." " Make space." "Ugh." "Hurry up, we have to move fast or we'll be late." "Bastik, come, seriously!" "It wasn't a heart attack, he must have had some shock but he can't remember." "Is he really gonna look this stupid until he dies?" "Good thing he doesn't have childbirth fever!" "Look at him go!" " Franta, would you read my new novel?" " What's the name?" " You kiss like a devil." " Shut up, before marriage." "I love him, when he carries me on his hands!" "English subtitles 2012 sMOULa"