"How'd someone get your credit card number?" "I have no idea." "Look how much they spent!" "calm down." "You only have to pay for the stuff you bought." "still, it's just such reckless spending." "When somebody steals your credit card..." "... they'vekindof already thrown caution to the wind." "Wow, what a geek." "They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop." "That's me." "He's doing it again!" "marcel, stop humping the lamp!" "Stop humping!" "Now, marcel, come back!" "Come here, marcel!" "Oh, no, no!" "Not in my room!" "I'II get him." "You've got to do something about the humping." "What?" "It's just a phase." "well, that's what we said about Joey." "Hey, would you all relax?" "It's not that big a deal." "marcel, stop it!" "marcel!" "Bad monkey!" "What?" "Let's just say my Curious George doll is no Ionger curious." "The One With the Fake Monica" "english subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "Monica, you are not still going over that thing." "This woman's living my Iife." "What?" "She's living my Iife, and she's doing it better than me." "Look at this." "Look." "She buys tickets to plays I want to see." "She shops at stores that I'm intimidated by the salespeople." "She spent $300 on art supplies." "You're not an artist." "Yeah, well, I might be if I had the supplies." "I mean, I couId do all this stuff." "only I don't." "Oh, Monica, come on." "You do cool things." "Oh, really?" "Let's compare, shall we?" "Oh, it's so late for " shall we. "" "Do I go horseback riding in the park?" "Do I take classes at The New school?" "This is so unfair." "She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother." "How about Joey Paponi?" "No, still too ethnic." "My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral." "Joey switzerland?" "plus I think it should be Joe." "Joey makes me sound like I'm..." "... thisbig." "Which I'm not!" "Joe, Joe, Joe... ." "StaIin?" "StaIin." "Do I know that name?" "That sounds familiar." "well, it does not ring a bell with me." "Joe StaIin." "You know, that's pretty good." "You might want to try Joseph." "Joseph StaIin!" "I think you'd remember that!" "Oh, yes!" "Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph StaIin." "Joseph StaIin is The Fiddler on the Roof!" "Hi." "Yes, this is Monica geiler." "I'm taking classes with you, and I was wondering what they were." "What are you doing?" "AII right, great." "Great." "Thanks a Iot." "I'm going to tap class." "So you can dance with the woman that stole your card?" "She's got my Iife." "I want to see who she is." "Go to the post office!" "I'm sure her picture's up!" "Honey, you're kind of losing it here." "This is really becoming a weird obsession." "This is madness, I tell you." "For the love of God, Monica, don't do it!" "Thank you." "What do you think?" "Lots of things." "Which one do you think she is?" "May I help you?" "No, thanks." "We're just here to observe." "You don't observe a dance class." "You dance a dance class!" "Spare shoes are over there." "What does she mean?" "I think she means, " You dance..." "... adanceclass!"" "Come on, come on, come on!" "really?" "Hey, do you see anybody you think could be me?" "people, last time there were yogurt containers lying around after class." "Let's not have that happen again!" "She could be you." "Let's get started." "Five, six." "Five, six, seven, eight." "Okay, I'm not getting this!" "I'm totally getting it!" "Do you ever just feel like you're so unbelievably uncoordinated?" "What?" "You just click when they click." "AII right." "Now everyone grab a partner." "AII right." "And my dead mother said you are it!" "I'm with rachel." "Great, it's gym class all over again." "That's all right." "You can come up to the front and dance with me." "Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare?" "It's okay, it's okay!" "I'm here, I'm here." "I'm so sorry I'm late." "Okay, here I am." "So who's the new tense girl?" "She's your partner." "Hi, I'm Monica." "Hi, I'm Mon" "Nana." "Monana." "It's Dutch." "You're kidding." "I spent three years in Amsterdam." "pennsylvania Dutch." "And we're dancing!" "Five, six, seven, eight." "Where have you been?" "I just got back from the vet." "She's not gonna make you wear a big plastic cone, is she?" "She says MarceI's humping thing is not a phase." "apparently, he's reached sexual maturity." "Hey, he beat you!" "She says, as time goes on, he'II start getting aggressive and violent." "What does this mean?" "I have to give him up." "I can't believe it." "This sucks!" "You just got him." "How could he be an adult already?" "I know, I know." "One day he's this little thing..." "... andbeforeyouknowit, he's this little thing..." "... Ican'tgetoff myleg." "Isn't there any way you can keep him?" "The vet said that unless he's in a place..." "... wherehehasregularaccess..." "... tosomemonkeyloving..." "... he'sjustgonnaget vicious." "I just gotta get him into a zoo." "How do you get a monkey into a zoo?" "I know that one!" "No, that's Popes into a volkswagen." "We're applying to a Iot of them." "Our first choice would be a state zoo." "You know, Iike San Diego." "Right?" "But that may just be a pipe dream because he's out-of-state." "My vet knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility." "But that's two blocks from the beach." "It's a total party zoo." "We found the girl!" "What?" "Did you call the cops?" "Nope." "We took her to lunch." "Your own brand of vigilante justice." "Are you insane?" "This woman stole from you!" "She stole!" "She's a stealer!" "After you're with this woman for 1 0 minutes, you forget all that." "I mean, she's this astounding person..." "... withthisamazingspirit!" "Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader!" "Take off their hats." "Popes in a volkswagen!" "I Iove that joke." "No way!" "No way did you do this!" "Monana was very brave." "It was so wild." "We told them we were the Gunnersons in room 61 5..." "... onlytofindout the Bostonceltics had the entire sixth floor!" "So when they caught on that we were short and have breasts... ." "They threw us out." "I was thrown out of a hotel!" "Me!" "Go, Monana!" "well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream." "I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know." "Don't wait up." "Oh, by the way..." "... tomorrowwe'reauditioning for a Broadway show." "Excuse me?" "There's an open call for Cats." "I'm thinking we go down there, sing " Memories" ..." "... andmakecompletefools of ourselves." "What do you say?" "Remember who you're dealing with here." "I'm not Iike you." "I can't even stand in front of a tap class." "That's because of your Amish background." "You're pennsylvania Dutch, right?" "Right." "till I bought a blow dryer." "Then I was shunt." "I was just like you." "And then one day, I saw a movie that changed my Iife." "Did you ever see Dead Poet's Society?" "I thought that movie was so incredibly..." "... boring!" "I mean, that thing at the end where the kid..." "... killshimselfbecause he can't be in the play?" "What was that?" "It's like, " Kid, wait a year." "Leave home, do some community theater! "" "As I walked out, I thought..." "... " Nowthat'stwo hoursofmy Iife that I'm never getting back! "" "And that scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do!" "Wow." "Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire." "Oh, God." "We didn't get into Scranton." "That was our safety zoo." "They take, Iike, dogs and cows." "I don't know who this is harder on, me or him." "I'd say that chair's taking the brunt of it." "Good boy!" "See?" "How can nobody want him?" "Somebody will." "You know, there already is a Joseph StaIin?" "You're kidding!" "apparently, he was a Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people!" "You'd think you would've known that!" "You'd think I would've." "Phoebe, what do you think a good stage name for me would be?" "flame Boy!" "Where exactly is your zoo?" "well, it's technically not a zoo per se." "It's more of an interactive- wildlife experience." "Let me ask you some questions about-- Is it MarceI?" "Does he fight with other animals?" "No, no." "He's very docile." "Even if he were cornered?" "well, I don't know." "Why?" "How is he at handling small objects?" "He can hold a banana, if that's what you mean." "What about a hammer or a small blade?" "Why would he need a blade?" "If he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns..." "... you'vegotto give the little guy something." "Otherwise, it's just cruel!" "He got into San Diego!" "What?" "We were coming back from our walk, and the phone was ringing... ." "He's in!" "Did you hear that, marcel?" "It's San Diego!" "San Diego!" "You're making a mistake." "San Diego's well and good..." "... butifyougivehimtome, I'II start him against a blind rabbit..." "... andgiveyou20% ofthegate." "Where have you been?" "Monica and I just crashed an embassy party." "Are you drunk?" "No!" "I'm lying." "I am so drunk!" "Oh, God!" "Great." "You know what?" "You could have called." "I've been up here." "I've been worried" "Water rules!" "Yes." "Yes, it does." "The restaurant called." "They want to know if you're showing up." "Nope!" "I'm going to the Big apple Circus today." "What are you doing?" "You're gonna lose your job." "This is not you!" "No, it is me!" "I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows..." "... andpaythebills as soon as they come in!" "You know, when I'm with her, I'm so much more than that!" "I'm Monana!" "Yes, she is." "hold on a second, please." "Monana, it's for you." "The credit card people." "Oh, my God!" "Thanks." "What?" "They've arrested Monica." "How are you?" "I'm not too bad." "fortunately, blue's my color." "How did you know I was here?" "Because..." "... I'mMonicageiler." "It was my credit card you were using." "That I was not expecting." "I want you to know, I didn't turn you in." "Thanks." "No, thank you." "You have given me so much." "Without you, I'd have never gotten..." "... tosing"Memories" at the Wintergarden Theater." "actually, you only got to sing " Memo--"" "I can't believe you're in here." "What am I gonna do without you?" "Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me?" "Who's gonna take me to the Big apple Circus?" "Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of 25 other women..." "... andyou'reworriedaboutwhowill take you to the Big apple Circus?" "well, not worried, you know, just wondering." "There's nothing to wonder about." "You'II go back to being who you were because that's who you are." "Not necessarily." "Yes, necessarily." "I don't know what it is." "Maybe it's the Amish thing." "I'm not actually Amish." "really?" "Then why are you Iike that?" "You by the door, in or out?" "In!" "You in the back, you're getting it wrong!" "At least I'm doing it!" "This is the final boarding call for Flight 67 to San Diego boarding at gate 42A." "Okay, goodbye, little monkey guy." "AII right, I wrote you this poem." "Okay, but don't eat it till you get on the plane." "Thank you, Aunt Phoebe." "Okay, bye, champ." "There's gonna be a Iot of babes in San Diego..." "... butremember, there's also a Iot to Iearn." "I don't know what to say." "It's a monkey." "Just say what you feel." "marcel, I'm hungry." "That was good." "marcel, this is for you." "It's just, you know, something..." "... todoon theplane." "If you don't mind, I'd Iike a moment, just me and him." "Oh, sure." "absolutely." "Go ahead." "marcel, come here." "Come here." "Come here." "well, buddy..." "... thisisit ." "There's just a couple of things I wanted to say." "I'm really gonna miss you." "You know, I'm never gonna forget about you." "You've been more than..." "... justa petto me ." "You've been more like a" "would you leave my leg alone?" "would you just stop humping me for two seconds?" "Okay, would you just take him away?" "Just take him." "O, that I were a glove upon that hand that I might..." "... touchthycheek!" "That's fine." "Thank you." "Next." "I'II be reading for the role of Mercutio." "Name?" "holden McGroin."