"Reba?" "Baby, it's 2:00 in the morning." "What are you doing up?" "Oh, Bobby's lawyer sent over" " the latest round of the separation papers." " Oh." "Get this..." "Guess what Bobby wants." "That." "That technicolor eyesore?" "When did you put that up?" "Tonight." "When I found out he wanted it." "You know, if he gets that, I'm taking his golf clubs." "You don't even golf." "Plus, you're a righty and he's a lefty." "It don't matter which hand I use to throw 'em in the ocean." "Go easy." "When I set your daddy's pickup truck on fire, sure, it felt good for a while." "Oh, who am I kidding?" "It still feels good." "Mama, all those years I was with that man..." "Am I that much of an idiot?" "Well..." "Did I just not see what kind of man Bobby really was?" "The important thing is you know now." "Come on." "A toast." "To Bobby and all his stuff." "May they never meet again." "What is this?" "My homemade garage beer." "Pretty good." "This is what wet socks would taste like if it was a drink." "Okay." "It's getting better." "I'm gonna go scrub my tongue with steel wool." "Cash, do you have any idea what..." " Aah!" " Aah!" "Who are you?" "What are you doing here?" "Who are you?" "Well, I live here!" "You better start talking fast, or I'm gonna whip your butt into a meringue." "Okay." "All right." "Just... just... no." "No." "Stop." "Stop." "Don't panic." "I'm Pete Mason." "I used to play in Bobby's band." "Bobby lets me stay here when I'm in L.A." "Look." "Look." "Look." "Look." "Look." "Got the spare key out from the fake rock outside." "I played at your wedding." "I'm Pete." "Oh, Pete." "I remember you." "Sorry." "I didn't recognize you without the muttonchops." "Oh, yeah." "I-I shaved them off last year 'cause I was sick of people confusing me with a confederate soldier." "Oh." "Sorry about the whisk thingy." "It's..." "It wasn't loaded." "Look, I-I-I'm really sorry." "Uh, I know that you and Bobby were separated, but I had no idea that you were living here." "So you know what?" "I'll..." "I'll just go get myself a hotel." "Oh, don't be silly." "It's late." "Crash here on the couch." "Are you sure?" "I-I mean, I don't want to impose." "It would only be until, like, spring." "No, please, make yourself at home." "All right." "Thank you." "Cash?" "What the heck are you up to?" "It's 2:00 in the morning." "Hey, mom." "Hey... guy." "Relax." "I'm just a friend of your daddy's." "I'm passing through." "Where were you?" "Uh, I, uh, went for a walk on the beach to clear my head." "Oh, really?" "What was bothering you?" "Well, I..." "Can't remember." "The walk worked." "All clear." "Night!" "Halt!" "Okay, you're clean." "But you're lyin', badly." "So I suggest you either get to be a better liar or you tell me where you were." "I'm gonna stick with my beach story." "Okay." "If that's the way you're gonna play it, you're grounded." "For taking a walk?" "When I was a toddler, you were proud when I first walked." "What, now it's some kind of crime?" "Where's the consistency?" "I wasn't that proud." "You were 3." "* walkin' with my head high * soaking' up the sunshine * la-la-la-la-la, life is sweet *" "You know, I'm glad you showed up last night." "If you hadn't, I wouldn't have caught my kid coming in at 2:00 in the morning." "Poor kid." "I know what Bobby meant when he said, "never mess with big red."" "Big nice red." "That... that was his pet name for you." "Big, nice, easy-to-talk-to red." "Oh." "What's going on here?" "Oh, hey, mama." "This is Pete." "Pete, this is my mama, Lillie mae." "Hi." "Nice to meet you." "Why, hello." "Yeah, I'm gonna get you some coffee." "Wow." "At 2:00 in the morning, we were talking about sticking it to Bobby, and boom, here you are with a man cooking you breakfast." "You move fast, you toasty little pop-tart." "Mama, it's not what you think." "I know it isn't." "You know, quick question..." "Where does one go to meet a man at 2:00 A.M.?" "I didn't go anywhere." "He just showed up in the middle of the night." "You really can get everything on the Internet now." "Here you go." "Oh." "Hey, ladies." "Hey, Reba, listen," "I'm getting to that point in the pregnancy where I can't see my feet." "Do my shoes match?" "Yeah." "Looks great." "Thanks." "Hey." "Wait a minute." "How do I know you?" "Oh, well, I'm a friend of Bobby's." "Uh, you probably met me when I was here?" "Yes." "You threw up in my hedges and then just passed out naked in my hammock." "Yeah, that sounds like me." "Kim, this is Pete." " Pete, this is Kim, my next-door neighbor." " Hi." "Hi." "Uh, nice to meet you." "I think I'll go grab a quick shower." "Okay." "Mm." "That butt looked even better without pants." "Okay, Kim, spill." "What did you see with Bobby and this guy?" " Mama." " Well, he was an eyewitness to the sordid saga of the Malibu love shack." "Come on." "And don't spare us the grisly details because we can handle it." "Ugh." "I wish I could, especially when they had all those parties." " There were parties?" " Oh, yeah." "I mean, I always tried to peek in, but the bougainvillea was just way too tall." "Reba, don't you see that you've got a man in your shower who knows what Bobby was up to here?" "Knowledge is power, baby, and you're gonna need dirt when the divorce gets ugly." "No." "No, mama." "I'm bigger than that." "You're lucky I'm not." "Reba, do you know what I would do if I were you?" "Stay over at your house and keep those thoughts unexpressed?" "Oh, we kid like that." "It's what we do." "No, what I was gonna say is you should seduce him, you know, give him the old shoulder roll." "What?" "Oh, that's ridiculous." "I've got a more sophisticated plan." "So pay attention." "It involves a mug and beer." "You want me to get him drunk?" "Oh, when you say it, it sounds so pedestrian." "But yes." "You two ought to be ashamed of yourself." "Getting drunk, seducing." "This man is a guest in our house." "We oughta respect his privacy." "Oh, hello, ladies." "Oh." "I'm Tina." "And this is Mandy." "Isn't this Pete and Bobby's house?" "Oh, snap!" "June." "June." "June." "June." "June." "June." "Hey, so next time you get another dumb idea like piercing your belly button, here's a better idea..." "Don't." "I wasn't counting on it getting infected." "But... but because of you and the cream you got me in the middle of the night, it's getting much better." "Well, now because of you, I'm grounded." "Look, I'm..." "I'm done lying for you." "We're already into the lie." "You took the bullet." "Just keep it in you." "Keep it in me?" "It's a bullet, June." "It hurts." "Cash, please?" "If you keep covering for me, I'll owe you." "But mom's smart." "She's gonna catch on." "No, she's not, because it's not mom and dad anymore." "That good cop/bad thing they used to do to bust us is over." "It's just mom now, and she's not even a cop." "She's like an old, tired security guard." "Okay." "Fine." "You know, forget about mom." "What are you gonna do for me?" "Well, for starters," "I could do your French homework." "Oh." "Gracias." "Oh." "Hey there, Pete." "Didn't see you coming." "My gosh, I was just looking at some old memories." "Those are the best kind." "Things that happened before." "Aren't those the only kind?" "Oh, Pete, you keep me young." "Ah." "You know, speaking of memories," "I remember Bobby told me what you guys used to do out here." "You know, girls would pop by at all hours, and just sh-show up right at the doorstep." "Yeah, I-I really don't remember that." "That must've been another Pete." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "What about all those parties?" "You know, all the music and the dancin' and the drinkin'?" "Yeah, I-I know what a party is." "Do you?" "Do you, Pete?" "Reba, I-I know what you're doing, and I have to stop you." "Do you, Pete?" "Do you have to stop me?" "You're... you're trying to get me to tell you if anything went on over here with Bobby and me." "Okay, fine!" "But I want to know what you know." "I sit on this couch, Pete." "I have a right to know what went on on this couch." "I eat at that kitchen table." "Do I need another kitchen table, Pete?" "Reba, you don't have to try to trick me into telling you." "You could always just ask me." "What did you and Bobby do out here?" " I can't tell you." " What?" "You... you just told me I could ask." "Well, I didn't say I would answer." "I couldn't possibly do that." "I mean, if... if I did that, it would violate the bro code." "The what code?" "The bro code." "It says that whatever happens between guys stays between guys." "I mean, women have a similar thing, except in their version, they just tell everybody everything." "Okay." "Fine." "I don't want to know anything." "But I'll tell you something." "Your pancakes were dry." "Were they, Reba?" "Were they dry?" "So Reba really couldn't get any information out of this guy?" "I love my daughter, but does not have what I have..." "Three days of intensive training with the black panthers." "I've got a beret somewhere." "Come on." "Hey, Pete." "Looks like you're working up quite a thirst there." "Oh, yeah." "I always do when I'm folding two t-shirts and putting them into a bag." "Oh, my goodness." "In this heat?" "Oh, ho!" "Gosh, I'm getting thirsty just watching you." "And sweaty." "I'm getting sweaty." "Hey." "Time for a break." "I brought you a bottle of my home brew I made in the garage." "They tell me it is delicious." "Yeah." "Thanks." "But I-I always make it a point never to drink anything that comes out of a garage, a bathtub, or toilet." "I would taste it, but I can't, because I'm pregnant, which is ironic, 'cause that's kind of how I got this way." "What do you say?" "Cold, refreshing." "Ooh!" "Yeah, you're, uh, you're not going away, are you?" "I've got nowhere to be." "Okay, I know I'm grounded, but picking me up at school and calling me "sweety Cashy-coo"" "and then ruffling my hair in front of all my friends?" "Isn't there something that prevents cruel and unusual punishment in the bill of amendments?" "The bill of amendments?" "Okay, not only are you grounded, I'm getting you a tutor." "Oh, come on!" "Okay, look, Cash." "All this can come to a screeching halt if you just come clean and tell me where you were last night." "Okay." "Here's the truth." "I wasn't walking on the beach." "I was, uh, I was doing a favor for someone." "It wasn't anything bad." "It's just that I promised this person I wouldn't say anything." "I see." "It's kinda like the code." "Like a bro code?" "Oh, no, no, no." "It's nothing like that." "See, the bro code's when two guys have done something really bad that they don't want a woman to know about." "Go to your room, bro." "Wh... oh." "I swear, it's like living under the gazpacho." "Oh." "Reba, I'm so glad you're home." "I've got Pete on the deck." "He's all primed and ready to talk." "Mama, what did you do?" "I gave him a few of my microbrews that gave him a macro buzz." "And when he asked me if I had bourbon, well, as you know, I always have bourbon." "Oh!" "Mama, I told you I didn't want to get him drunk." "Mm." " But now that he is drunk..." " But now that he is drunk..." "Hey, Pete." "Mm." "Hey, Reba." "Reba!" "Reba!" "Reba!" "Oh, that..." "That is a great name, Reba." "Uh, you know, I only knew one other Reba in my life." "Oh, wait a minute." "Her name was Natalie." "Yeah, I get that a lot." "Mm." "So now that you're all relaxed, how about, uh, answering a few questions for me?" "That's all right." "I don't..." "I don't mind answering questions." "'Cause I... you know, 'cause I like talking." "Believe me, when I start drinking, I get very talkative." "Talk, talk, talk." "Well, that's great, 'cause I like to listen, listen, listen." "Mmm." "Well, good." "Good." "So..." "Good." "Good." "Good." "Oh, it feels good." "I tell you, it feels good out here." "Yeah, I haven't felt this good in... 268 days." "What do you mean?" "Well, that's how long I've been sober." "You were sober?" "I was." "Not anymore." "'Cause of that silver-haired angel in there." "Okay." "Why don't you give me that bottle?" "Why?" "You want to drink?" "Or... oh." "Oh." "Or you gonna pull a Bobby on me?" "I don't know what a Bobby is, but I sure don't want to pull it." "Ah." "Come on." "No." "No." "No." "No." "No." "No." "Let me have it." "Oh, all right." "All right." "You know, it was Bobby who got me sober." "He did?" "Uh-huh." "I thought he was your drinking buddy." "Well, he was, until he tricked me." "No, I..." "I hit rock bottom about ten months ago." "It was really bad." "And, uh, Bobby came to my hotel, and he was telling me a story about having some party at the beach house, you know, so I'm like..." "The next thing I know, he's brewing pots of coffee and talking about taking me to an a.A. meeting." "I'm saying, "man, this party sucks!"" "I-I-I had no idea." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Bobby..." "He drove me to meetings." "He got me a sponsor." "He was a real bro." "He really was." "Then when I got onto my feet, he said I could always come out here if I ever feel like I'm slipping." "That's why I came back here last night." "And then you met my mama." "Nah." "It wasn't her fault." "It's not like she was the one who put the drink in my hand." "Well, actually, she was, but, you know, she was just being entrepreneurial." "Yeah." "Yeah." "So at the risk of pulling a Bobby, how about we find a meeting, and I drive you to it?" "Never mess with big red." "All right." "Yeah," "I think a meeting would be a good idea, actually." "Yeah." "And, you know, now that you're one of my bros," "I could probably break the code for you." "You want me to tell you the kind of man Bobby was?" "I think you just did." "Oh, and I'm sorry about my mama getting you drunk." "Oh, that's all right." "I felt it coming on, too." " Really?" " Yeah." "I even called my friends Tina and Mandy from my group to see if they could drive me to a meeting, but they never showed up." "No." "They never showed up." "Okay, so the good news is I found Pete a meeting, and he's gonna be okay." "In my defense, I did not know Pete was an alcoholic." "Well..." "Although in retrospect, anybody who would have three of these things clearly has a drinking problem." "Hey, mom." "I'd like to make a case for being ungrounded." "Okay." "What is it?" "It's not fun." "I'm not seeing law school in this boy's future." "Hey, Cash." "I brought you home a pizza." "Oh, thanks, sis." "Hey, June." "I could really use a plate." "Wow." "You're being nice, June." "Why are you being so nice, June?" "Because I..." "Have only one brother in life, and I want to treat him well." "Uh-huh." "Well, that's a load of crap." "You two honestly believe that I don't know what's going on here?" "Well, that depends." "Do you?" "I mean, and this..." "this is all hypothetical..." "Uh, if there was something going on, and you knew about it, uh, uh, wouldn't you have said something already?" "Okay, I'll tell you what." "I'm gonna come clean with you guys." "I know about your dirty little secret." "So you got a choice." "You can tell me the truth right now and get a lighter sentence or get punished twice as hard for holding back." "Doesn't matter to me." "You choose." "Is this the cop or the security guard?" "Well?" "Oh..." "You got your belly button pierced?" "You didn't know?" "You got your belly button pierced?" "!" "Well, I never." "I'm not seeing acting school in his future either." "Well, what you doing?" "Oh, I'm shipping this painting to Bobby." "If he wants it so badly, I wish him no ill will." "Well, I'll drink to that." "How do you drink that stuff?" "Oh, Reba, it's good." "I figured out the secret." "I roasted the barley at a low temperature, and then I waited to add the hops until all the yeast had settled." "Yeah." "And then it was still horrible, so I went to the store and got a six-pack." "Mom, hand me those scissors, please." " Thanks." " I'm so glad you're moving on." "Oh, well, mama, it's about time." "I mean, if I obsess about the past, how can I ever move on with the future?" "I'm proud of you, baby." "Yeah." "And I want Bobby to see that I'm not the bitter and vindictive type." "Like you were yesterday." "Exactly." "Oh, that's gonna be hard to explain." "I'll drink to that."