"Subs by:" "JoeShmoe;" "Timings by:" "Commotion7" "Okay... happy birthday mom." " Oh, is that for me?" " Incredible." "You don't look 40... much less 50." "Oh Charlie, please." "But thank you." "I appreciate it." " Can I open this now?" " Yes open it, please." "My goodness." "[Gasps] Oh." " Oh I love it." " Do you." " Oh good." " This is so beautiful." " You can exchange it if it doesn't fit." " Oh no, I'm not going to." " I absolutely love it." "You always get me things..." " Good." " Sorry I'm late." " Oh hey." " Hey isn't uh, Lisa coming?" " No we split up." "I did notice that your status popped up to single." "Way to go." "I uh, forgot your present." "I left it in my locker." "That's ok." "I hope you didn't spend too much." "Oh no, don't worry, he didn't." "Where have you been?" "It was like a mad house." "This one guy came in with 6 stab wounds." "I swear one missed his heart by seriously..." " No Tom, it's dinner time, please." " Not yet it isn't." "Hey." "So what kind of antibiotic did you use?" " Mom, have you spoken to Lydia?" " Yes." "She wanted to be here tonight but she had a very important audition." " What for?" " Um, a guest spot on some tv thing..." ""Something Enemy"." " Maybe this will be her big break." " Uh huh." "Yeah, maybe." "Don't hold your breath." "Meow." "Stop it." "You guys must have been something growing up." "I imagine dolls with heads cut off." "No, my sister and I were very close, actually." "No I was uh..." "I'm sorry I was talking about Anna and Lydia." "Oh my goodness." "I don't know why I said that." "Well we're here to celebrate you, mom... so dad, what about a toast." "Dad, toast!" "Oh." "To the most beatiful and the most intelligent woman..." " I've known in my entire life." " Thank you." " Happy birthday." " [All] Happy birthday." "Cheers, darling." "[Narrating] My name is Frederick Johnson." "I'm associate professor of Cognitive Science here at UCLA... and I'm here to welcome our speaker who just flew in from NY." "Now, in my dissertation I spent about a chapter... on how fairly vituperatively citing today's guest... in saying why I thought she was wrong." "For the record, every time Alice and I have argued, she was right." "Alice Howland is the Lillian Young professor of linguistics at Columbia University." "She famously wrote her seminal textbook... from neurons to nouns while raising 3 children." "I'm sure getting more than a few "aha" moments from them." "And it is now considered one of the cornerstones... of linguistics education all over the world." "Please, welcome, Dr. Alice Howland." "Thank you so much." "Most children speak and understand their mother tongue... before the age of 4 without lessons, homework... or much in the way of feedback." "How they accomplish this remarkable feat... well this is a question that's interested scientists at least since Charles Darwin... kept a diary of the alien language of his infant son." "He observed man has an instinctive tendency... to speak as we see in the babble of young children." "Much has been learned since then... but today, I'd like to focus on some recent studies from my lab... on the acquisition of past tense irregular verb forms... in children between the ages of 18 months and 2 1/2 years." "Now, you may say that this falls into the great academic tradition... of knowing more and more about less and less... until we know everything about nothing." "But I hope to convince you that by observing these baby steps into the..." "Into ugh..." "I..." "I knew I shouldn't have had that champagne." "Into the word stack of a given language... we will learn crucial information about the relationship between memory... and computation that is the very essence of communication." "Let's not." "[Party goers chatting]" "[Party goers chatting]" "[Party goer] Ok I'm gonna go down and get Shel, I'll be right back." " Hey." " Hi." "You're just coming." "I'm surprised." "Come on in, it's um, it's messy but you know I was in the process of..." " cleaning." " It's fine." "Don't worry." "The boys are total slobs." "The kitchen is the main battle ground... but I've got them in training so we'll see how that goes." "So uh, where are they?" "Working?" "Doug's at Starbucks, Matthew has some catering..." "I guess that's what they mean by working after, huh?" " Are you involved at the moment?" " Uh, Dougs dead and..." "Malcom and I did have a thing but... it's over." "He got me into Open Space though." " It's the best theater company." " It's a hole." "Oh thank you." "Yeah, I'm done." "It would have been awesome if you saw it." "Daddie said you were really good." "Well, it wasn't my best night but at least you could get a sense of it." "Figure out what I was doing." " You know, do a solid for the company." " What do you mean?" "Um, this is really nice of him, to help out." "How is he helping with the company?" "It's our responsibility as members to... to raise equity for the productions we put on." "And then eventually we get a cut of the box office and... we're sort of shareholders." "So basically you have to pay to act." "No, um, it's a theater group." "That's just the reality of the situation." "That's how it is here." "It's Los Angeles." "Lydia, don't you think it's time you reconsidered things?" "You're so smart." "There's so much more you could be doing with your life." " Like going to college?" " Yes, yes, like college." "Yeah like we've never talked about that before." "Every single day of my life." "I figured out what I wanted to do and I'm doing it." " It's a good thing." " But on who's dime?" "You're helping Tom with med school." " You helped Anna with law school." " Sweetheart... those are real careers." "I just don't want you to limit your choices." " You want to make my choices." " No I don't." "I'm, really happy." "I'm sorry I don't..." "I don't wanna argue about this." " Just forget I said anything, okay." " Forgotten!" "Is that your phone?" "That's just a game, your sister and I... developed an obsession with "Words With Friends"." "That's good." "You don't wanna play with her." "She's a demon." "I'm not surprised." "John?" "John?" "John?" "WHERE R U?" "[Guy handing out flyers] Want one?" "Here you go." "[Flyer guy hawking a sale]" "[Flyer guy hawking a sale]" "[Passers by background talking]" "[Flyer guy hawking a sale]" "Flyer?" " [John] Ali?" " I was wondering where you were." " Don't, I'm really sweaty." " How did it go?" " What?" " UCLA." " Oh, it was good." "They were um..." " They were really receptive." " I'm sure they were." " How was Lydia?" " Good, you know." " Did you guys argue?" " Uh, well..." "I spent the whole evening trying not to." "Um, I'd have to say the news that your... bankrolling her theater company didn't exactly help." " I told you about that." " Uh uh." " You didn't." " I thought I did." " You didn't." " Well, you're not gonna like this either... but I still have a lot of things to do at the lab... so maybe you could walk me over there right now." "I don't wanna go back to campus." "I just went for a run I really need to be home right now." " Are you okay?" " Yeah." "Yeah I'm fine It's just you said we'd spend the evening in." "I did and we will and the sooner I go... the sooner I'll be back and we can watch a movie." "I'm sorry." "It's just exhausting." "Get some rest." "Relax!" "[Alice] I've started forgetting things." "Little annoying things like words and names." "And I got lost, completely lost, running on campus." "I talked to my doctor about it and she said it could be menopause... the last time I had a period was in February... but then I had one again in September right before my birthday so..." "[Dr. Benjamin the Neurologist] Are you taking any pills, medications, supplements?" "Um, I take a multi-vitamin, flax seed oil... calcium, iron." "I ocassionally take a sleeping pill when I travel." " Have you had any head injuries?" " No." "Would you consider yourself depressed or under undue stress at the moment?" "No, I work a lot but I thrive on it." "How's your sleeping?" "It's fine." "Like 7 hours a night." "Now I'm gonna ask you to remember a name and an address... and then I'm gonna ask you for it again later, okay?" "Ok." ""John Black, 42 Washington Street, Hoboken"" "Can you repeat that for me?" ""John Black, 42 Washington Street, Hoboken"" " Good." "How old are you?" " I'm 50." " What's today's date?" " November 26th." "Where are we?" "We are on the 3rd floor of the New York Presbeterian." " Can you spell water for me?" " W.A.T.E.R" " And can you spell it for me backwords?" " R.E.T.A.W" "Tell me what you see on these cards." "Pliers, a ladder, a seahorse... screwdriver, an elephant." "Tell me about your parents." "Well they're both dead." "My mother and my sister died in a car crash when I was 18... and my father died in 1999 of liver failure." "Hepatitis?" "Chirosis." "He was an alcoholic." "And what was he like towards the end?" "Incoherent... incontinent." "Um, to tell the truth we didn't really see a lot of each other." "He lived in New Hampsire and we weren't that close." "Sorry." "Do you have any other siblings?" "No, I only had the one." "Now can you tell me that name and address that I asked you to remember?" " Um, John Black..." " Uh huh, and the address?" "Uh, damn it, I forgot." "Was it 42 Argyle Street, Cole Street, Washington Street or South Street?" "Um..." "I was distracted talking about my parents." "Can we do that one again?" " There's no need to at this time." " Okay." "So I'd like to do an MRI just to rule some things out." "Like what, because I think I have a brain tumor." "It's just a precaution." "But it will allow us... to see if there are any lesions or any signs of a stroke." "We can find out what is going on there." "Okay, um, what should I do in the mean time?" "You can get plenty of excercise so you can get the blood pumping." "Drink lots of water." "Good hydration is excellent for the memory." "And the next time you come and see me, can you bring someone who knows you well." " Your husband or a close relative." " Sure." "Stethoscope, millennium, hedgehog." "Cathode... pomegranite, trellis." " [Tom] Hello." " Hi." " Come on in." " Hey mom." "Good to see you." " This is Jenny." " Hello." "I'm Alice." "I'm so happy you could join us." "Thank you for having me." "Of course." "Sweetheart, why don't you um, guys go in there and get a drink... and uh, grab the, the, uh cheese thing." " I'm so happy you could join us, I really am." " Thank you." " It looks so good in here." " Uh huh." "Ali did it." "Okay." "Oh, my god damn eggs." "[Timer rings]" "Cathode, pomegranite, trellis." " Hey mom." " Hi Lydia." " Merry Christmas." " Merry Christmas." " How was your flight?" " Actually, awful." "This guy coughed all over me the entire time." "I hope you don't get sick." " Does this mean what I think it means?" " Yes." " Bread pudding?" " Yes." "It's your favorite." " [Annie] Mom." "Merry Christmas." " Hi." " Have you seen my latest words with friends?" " No honey I haven't had time." " It's a real zinger." " Yeah?" " Jealousy on a triple." " Hey." "It's already trending on twitter." "How's California?" " Nice." " Really?" "Warmer then here?" "Yes, definitely warmer than here." "Here guys, uh, why don't you... get out of here so I can concentrate on making this." " Where's dad?" " He's upstairs." "Can I help you with anything?" "Uh, no I'm fine." "Just go get a drink or something." " Ok." "It's going to be delicious." " I hope so." "It will be." "I can't wait." "BREAD PUDDING RECIPE" "It's a very big decision." "We're excited." "The place was recommended by a couple of friends who have being trying for years." "And they just had their first child so..." "So we'll see." "I've heard good things about Well Spring." "Good." "It's expensive, but we... obviously want it to work." " You could be a mom already, it's crazy." " I know." " What kind of soup mom?" " It's butternut squash." "Hi, I'm Alice." "I'm so happy you joined us." " I'm Jenny." " It's really nice to meet you." " Well..." " Yeah, um." "I think I deserve a glass of wine after all that, don't you." " Merlot?" " Yes." " Thank you." "Does everyone have a glass?" " [Anna]Yes we do." "Let's have a toast..." " To Christmas." " [All] Merry Christmas." "[Neurosurgeon] Now I don't see anything abnormal in your MRI." "No cerebral vascular disease... no evidence of any strokes." "No masses." "Thank god." "And your blood work came back completely clear." "But what worries me are the memory tests that I sent you for." "You have sporadic memory impairement... totally out of proportion to your age." "And there is evidence of decline in your level of mental function." "So I think we should do a PET scan." "It's similar to an MRI... but it can pick up things at the molecular level..." "I know what a PET scan is." "What in particular would you be looking for?" "I want to see if the results are consistent with Alzheimer's disease." "That would be rare for someone as young as yourself... but you do fit the criteria." "Now last time I asked you to bring in a close relative." "I really didn't think that would be necessary." "Okay, but next time for sure, okay?" "Enhancement of endogenous levels of beta endorphin... has not so far been shown to reduce the incidence... of metastisis in the distinct cell sites." "That's not good." "Tell me about it." "We've been working on this for months." "Seems like beta endorphin just doesn't significantly impact... the microphage activity." " What about the cyclons?" " Elevated." "Oh god." "Back to square one." " Are we both here on the 17th?" " Um, I don't remember." "Phil and Diane were saying they might come to town for the weekend." "How long are you going to keep at that thing?" "Until it's clean." "Get up sweetheart, wakeup." "What time is it?" "I have to talk." "I have um..." "I've got something wrong with me." " What are you talking about?" " I've been seeing a neurologist." "You've been seeing a neurologist why?" "He thinks that maybe I have early onset Alzheimer's disease." "Honey, that doesn't make any sense at all." "I didn't want to tell you because they don't know anything for sure... but I've been doing all these tests and things..." "Oh that is completely insane." "I got lost while I was running on campus a while ago..." "I can't, I can't remember..." "appointments, words." "Honey we all have memory lapses." "That's a sign of getting older." "The other day I couldn't remember the word...um... "glucose"." "It's not like that." "It's like something drops out of me." " But there is no diagnosis yet?" " No." "Well then I think that this is ridiculous it's complete bullshit." " You don't have Alzheimers." " God damn it." "Why won't you take me seriously?" "!" "No I know what I'm feeling." "I know it's feeling..." "It feels like my brain is fucking dying." "And everything I've worked for in my entire life is going." " It's all going." " No." "Come here." "Don't cry." " What time is your tutorial?" " 11." " Breakfast is in time." " Uh huh." "I'm gonna be a little late because I have a uh, departmental meeting." "When I come back maybe we can go to dinner, have some Thai food?" "Yeah okay." "I'm okay, I just..." "Last night just got the better of me, that's all." "Well 2 things..." "I think it's way too early to jump to any conclusions and um... whatever happens, I'm here." "You can clearly see in here, the red areas are high in beta amyloid." "The buildup has probably been ongoing for several years." "I'm sorry." "There is evidence of high amyloid in older people... with normal cognitive function, correct?" "Yes, but not in someone as young as Alice." "At least it would be extremely rare." "I also read that high amyloid... is associated with conditions other than Alzheimers." "Unfortunately, in Alice's case, this corroborates the clinical symptoms... that she's presenting." "Well shouldn't any diagnosis be accompanied a genetic test?" "Honey, hold on a minute please." "Actually I was gonna suggest that." "In a case like this with the onset being so early... we would like to check for presynalin mutations." "And that would be an indicator of familial Alzheimer's disease which is... a rarer form." "We need to make an appointment for you to see a genetic counselor." "So this concerns my children?" "!" "Yes." "I assume that if I have the gene... the odds of my passing it along are 50/50?" "!" "I'm afraid so." "And if they are carriers, what... what are the odds of them developing the disease?" "I'm afraid it's 100 percent." "The kids will all be here for our anniversary." "I don't think we should tell them." "Not until we get the test results." "Well we will by then, they're going next week." "I wanna know as soon as possible." "Where the hell is this god damn elevator!" "You know here we are in a major hospital..." " they only have one elevator running." " John it's okay." "We could've taken the stairs by now." "It doesn't matter." "Well, um... everybody..." "What's going on?" "Okay, well" " You guys gonna break up?" " No." "No, it's nothing like that." "[Anna] Mom, are you sick?" "I have been seeing a neurologist for the past few months... and I have Alzheimer's disease." "Early onset." "That doesn't make sense." "Are you sure?" "There is no doubt she has the disease." " [Tom] But at her age it's..." " It is rare, but it has been confirmed." "[Anna] You're so young." "I dont understand that." "[Lydia] I had noticed lots of things." "You didn't know Tom's girlfriend when she came over Christmas." "[Anna] Easy." "[Lydia] You've seen them together." " [Tom] What medications are you on?" " [Alice] Right now I'm on Aricept and Namenda." "[Tom] And they can help slow the progress?" " No, no..." " I'm afraid not." " But, but..." " They can help alleviate the symptoms..." " The things is that..." "John!" " but they can't prevent the disease." "The thing is, that the type of Alzheimers I have... is... very rare." "It's familial." " It's passed on genetically." " My god." "We believe that she got it from her father... and of course we're very worried, about the three of you." "But there is a test you can take." "But it's completely up to you whether you want to find out or not." "I'm sorry." "I'm so..." "Can anyone tell me what it says in the syllabus for today?" "[Student] Phonology?" "And can anyone tell me what Phonology is?" ""Phono" is from the Greek word "phone"... meaning sound." "Phonology is the study... of the sounds of the language which should be carefully distinguished from phonetics." " Hi Anna." " [Anna on phone] Hello." "Are you okay?" "I got the results." "I'm positive." "Oh, god Anna." "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry." "Tom turned out negative and..." "Lydia didn't wanna know." "But I'm positive." "Baby how are you feeling?" "I'm okay." "One good thing, at least I found out now before the next IUI testing." "I guess there's a way they can test the embryo so... they can make sure the baby's gonna be ok." "Anna where are you?" "I'm on my way to a lecture... but I can cancel it and I can be right there." "No mom, it's okay." "I'm tired." "I'm okay." "No I want to, I want to be there, I can come." "No, please don't worry." "I'll be fine." "Okay." "I love you sweetheart." "I love you." " Bye." " Bye." "[Eric, Alice's department head, reading students course critiques] I'd been... forward to this course my sophomore year, but I was thouroughly disappointed." "The content was often muddled, and delivered with little focus or care..." "Class was a waste of time." "I ended up just following the online version." "I found linguistics 201 very erratic..." "I had a hard time following Dr. Howlands lectures..." "Even she seems like she gets lost in them." "Eric, I am so sorry I..." "I didn't know the students... felt this way." "Obviously I will make adjustments... and we can reevaluate my performance next semester." "Listen is everything okay at home?" "Everything alright between you and John?" "Yes, everythings fine with John." "Is there something I can help with?" "Stress...depression?" "No, no no." "Substance abuse?" "Eric no, god." "Eric no, it's nothing like that." "Its uh..." "It's medical." "It's a medical... issue and..." "I admit I had a hard time teaching last semester... but I wasn't aware of how much it showed." "Alice, I'm not following." "I have, a mild cognitive impairement..." "Can you explain that to me?" "In February I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease." "What?" "!" "Alice, oh my god, I'm sorry." "It's early." "It's still early stages..." "I mean obviously it will limit my ability as time goes on..." " but for now I feel perfectly capable..." " Really there's no need to um..." "I mean, we don't want you under any undue stress." "That would be counter productive." "I can handle the stress." "I would like to remain in the department for as long as we all think is possible." "Well I'll have to let the deparment interfaculty know." " Yes of course." " I am so, so sorry." "I'll have a regular with blueberries and coconut, please." " [Alice] Hi." " Alice where the hell were you?" "!" "Um, I went for a run." "You were gone for over 2 hours." "I was worried about you." "Then I went to Pinkberry." " You went to Pinberry?" " Yeah." "Well I hope you enjoyed that because you completely blew our dinner plans." "Susan Kirby and her husband." "I'm sorry I forgot..." "I have Alzheimers." "I texted you, I emailed you..." " there are ways to manage the disease." " John, I'm sorry." "He's the chair of my department for crying out loud." "I had absolutely no idea where you were... or if something happened to you." "Why didn't you bring your phone?" "I told you I can't when I'm running!" "Why don't you wear a fanny pack?" "Is it really that inhibiting?" "Yes!" " I hate that this is happening to me." " I hate it too." "But we have to keep the important things in our lives going... we have to try or we're going to go crazy." "I know, I know John." "I am sorry but..." "I don't know what I would have been like at a dinner party." "I might not be able to remember names... or answer simple questions... never mind get through an anectdote." "I think you're doing great recently." "Relative to what?" "I wish I had cancer." "Don't say that." "Yeah, I do." "I mean it." "I mean I wouldn't feel so ashamed." "When people have cancer they wear pink ribbons for you and..." "Form long walks and there's money and you don't have to feel like some kind of... [mumbles something]" "I can't remember the word." "[Nursing home administrator] In 2013 we completed exterior repairs." "On the inside we replaced the elevators." "Refurbished the auditorium, the library and lounge area." " And upgraded our HVAC system." " Oh that's good." "We also took away a lot of the old security doors." "Residents are issued a bracelet instead... which keeps them from using elevators or... leaving the building, depending on their level." "I don't know if you've experienced this yet with your parent... but a lot of times they get night time restlessness and wandering." "This way we can prevent their elopement without patients feeling they are locked in." "I see." "[Admin continues] We saw after a while that large group activities... left most of the residents unengaged, and even distressed." "by the confusion they experienced from all the stimulation." "So we redefined activites to include... all interactions between staff and residents in the unit." "Staff looks for opportunities to make meaningful connections with residents... starting with knowing about the person who they've been and what makes them comfortable." "One woman who had worked as a nurse... sat part of most days in the nursing station writing notes." "That's heartbreaking." "Yes but it's a behavior we see time and again." "We don't have any restrictions on visiting times... family and friends are welcome any hour day or night." "It doesn't look like anybody's here today." "Well Sundays the day they usually come by." " What's that?" " That's a chair alarm." "Certain residents have them so we know when they're up and about." " Is she alright?" " It's just a precautionary measure." "[Resident in chair says something indistinguishable]" "It's all women." "We do have mainly female residents here, but there are men." "There's William over there." "William was part of the team that sent the first satelite into orbit." "Uh huh." "TO BE ANSWERED." "WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR OLDEST DAUGHTER?" "[Alice] They just aren't powerful enough to put me to sleep." " [Dr.] Do you wanna try Lorista?" " What about Rohypnol?" " That's very strong." " I need something strong." "WHAT STREET DO YOU LIVE ON?" "Hi, Alice." "I am you and I have something very important to say to you." "WHAT MONTH IS YOUR BIRTHDAY?" " [Alice continues] So I guess you've reached that point... the point where you can no longer answer any of the questions..." "So this is the next logical step." "I'm sure of it!" "[Alice continues] In your bedroom there's a dresser, with a blue lamp." "Open the top drawer..." "In the back of the drawer there's a bottle with pills in it." "It says "take all pills with water"." "Now there are a lot of pills in that bottle." "It's very important that you swallow them all, okay?" "And then..." "lie down... and go to sleep." "And don't tell anyone what your doing." "WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS GO TO A FOLDER ON YOUR COMPUTER LABELLED" ""BUTTERFLY"." "[John calling] Alice." "Alice!" "Hi." " [John] Oh I love it here." " Me too." "[Alice and John talking]" " Can you believe it was 30 years ago?" " Don't do that to me." "Oh my god." "It was a complicated time, huh?" "Well you were dealing with a lot." "What was it, about a year after?" "Yeah, something like that." "I know I've said this before but..." "I am sorry I never got to meet your mom, or your sister." "Me too." "We had a great time though." "Yeah." "Don't you wish we were back there." "If you mean blowjobs on the beach yes, I..." "I do wish we were back there." "No, yeah, all of it." "It happened so fast you know." "Anna was born, our careers..." "But you were relentless." "You wanted everything." "And all at once." "That's how I am." "That's how I like it." " I'm not the same, right." " I like you the way you are." " I like everyting about you." " Thank god you do." "This is so great you know." "I kinda like it." "I have time off at Columbia." "Why don't you take a sabbatical next year." "And we're gonna do what, drive around the country in an RV?" "Really." "We could spend more time here." "Go to Bhutan." "Well I think our summer on the island is all the excitement I can handle." "Okay." "Well you know what." "This might be the last year that I'm myself." "Please don't say that." "WHAT STREET DO YOU LIVE ON W112TH" "WHAT MONTH IS YOUR BIRTHDAY OCTOB..." " John?" " I'm over here." "Oh, hey uh, when are you going to conference?" " On Monday." " And when's Lydia coming?" "Lydia comes on Sunday." "She doesn't have to come all that way just to babysit me." "She's coming to do the Chekhov play at the Saugatuck, remember?" "Right." "When I get finished are we still gonna go for a run?" "Yeah I just need to grab another layer." " [John] Hey are we still going running?" " Oh." "I'm sorry." "Hey look." "Look, I found this um... photo album with these pictures of my mother and my sister." "Oh." "Hey, uh, when are you going to conference?" "Monday." " And when's Lydia coming?" " Lydia's coming on Sunday." "Are we going running?" "Yes we are." "I just have to go pee." "Be right back." "[John] Ali?" "I couldn't find the bathroom." "It's okay baby." "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." "[Alice sobbing] I just go where I am." "[Lydia] I like that necklace." " Really?" " Yeah." " You ever see this before?" " Nope." "My mother gave it to me." "When I was um... a little girl I... in 2nd grade... my teacher told me that butterflys don't live a very long time." "They live like a month or something and I was so upset... and I was so upset that I went home and I told my mother... and she said yeah, but you know... they had a nice life." "A really beautiful life so..." "I think about my mother's life and my sister's life and... it's like my own." " You are gonna be around for a long time, though." " Yes." "There's some things I want to do, you know." "I wanna take a sabbatical leave with daddy, but I don't think that's gonna happen." "And I wanna see Anna have the baby." "And I wanna to see Tom graduate." "Yeah." "And I'd like to see you go to college." "Not for law I mean I was thinking you can go for drama." "You know then if the acting thing doesn't work out you can teach you can do workshops." "You'll have some kind of a backup plah." "Yeah." "I don't want a backup plan." "I..." "I..." "I wanna do this..." "I'm gonna give it a shot." "It's not gonna happen if I don't believe in myself." "I believe in you Lydia, I do." "I believe in you." "It's just that, you know, life's tough." "It is tougher than you know and I..." "I just, I want you to have some kind of security before I go." "Mom, god, do you have to..." "You can't use your situation to just get me to do anything." " Why not?" "Why can't I?" "!" " Because that's not fair." "I don't have to be fair." "I'm your mother." "Right?" "No." "SEND THE WORD TONE?" "NO YES" "[John] Hey." "What's going on?" "I'm just working, how about you?" "Doing that thing." " I need something to read." " I thought you were reading Moby Dick." "Yeah..." "I was." "I got tired of reading the same page over and over again." "Can't focus." "That happens to me when I read Moby Dick too." " Why don't you try something lighter." " What?" "Like the cat in the hat?" "How about one of those plays that Lydia has downstairs." "They're quicker, they're easier to read." "It might give the two of you something to talk about." "Okay." "You work all the time." "THREE SISTERS ANTON CHEKHOV" "DOUBT, A PARABLE BY JOHN PATRICK SHANLEY" "TONY KUSHNER ANGELS IN AMERICA" "BECKET THE HONOUR OF GOD" "NOTE BOOK LYDIA" "[Alice] What I liked about it was how, how..." "How big, how wide the "scape"... of it was." "Yeah the "scope" of it." "The "scope"." "That's the word I got this morning." "It's unbelievable to me that you guys never worked through that." "You must have known... you must have known somebody that died from AIDS, right?" "Oh yeah, honey, everybody did." "We lost a lot of people." "What did you think?" "You and Malcom played the Mormons, right, the husband and wife?" "You did those scenes in acting class." "Yeah, how'd you know that?" "!" "I don't know, you must have told me." "I didn't tell you." "Hmm, well, um..." "I don't know how I know this." "Mom, did you read my journal?" "Why!" "Why would you do that, Mom?" "!" "I am so sorry." "Lydia I honestly didn't understand what I was reading." "You didn't understand "Lydia Howland" written across the front of a notebook?" "!" " I didn't understand." "I'm so sorry." " I don't believe you!" "I..." "I..." "I..." "I didn't mean to." "Okay, it's fine." "I just can't..." "Lydia I didn't..." "I really didn't know." " Just stop." " I wouldn't do that to you." " [Tom] So you can't eat this, you know." "[Anna] No, I know." "That's sushi... you know hot dogs are the worst." " [Anna] I love hot dogs." " [Charlie] No alcohol." " [Charlie] Cigarettes." " [Anna] I never even smoked." " [Charlie] Well you, I mean..." " [Anna] What?" "!" "[John] She never had one cigarette in her whole life." "[Anna] Not one." "[Charlie] You can't be too careful." "He even grabbed my hand the other day as we were walking down the stairs..." "It was very, very cute." "I was trying to protect my investment." "I want you to return my "Words With Friends"." "[Charlie] I don't think she's seen words." " I'm sorry mom, I haven't had time." " Oh." "[Lydia] Hi." "Congrats." "[Anna] Hey, thank you." " [Anna] Here you go." " [Lydia] Thanks." " So it's twins, huh?" " Yes." "A boy and a girl." "And they're perfect." "That's exactly what your mother and I wanted for you." "That's so wonderful." "Oh gosh." "I'm sorry I've got to take this." "Hello." " How far along are you?" " [Anna] Five weeks." "I know it's very early days, but, um..." "With the timing of things, how we found out... and when we did, well, it really worked out in the end." "Great." "That's amazing." "[Tom] So mom, how are you feeling?" " Uh, mostly fine." " Really?" "Yeah I um, I use this thing, you know, instead of a memory." "It reminds me to take my medication and things like that." "It's nice to know that technology can help." " Lydia, what time is your play?" " Eight O'clock." "Lydia you nervous about tomorrow night?" "Yes." "I'll be fine once I'm up there... but I'll definitely have to block all of you out." "I'm sorry, what time did you say it was?" "Eight O'clock." "Mom you don't have to schedule it." "It's okay." " No I wanna put it in." "And where is it?" " The Saugatuck Theater." " Can you spell that." " Sure it's um..." " Mom it's not like we're gonna forget to bring you, so..." " S-A-U..." "let her do it!" " It's S-A-U-G-A-T-U-C-K." " Oh my God." "[Tom] Anna you're not helping." " No you're not helping." "Why should she worry about remembering something when she doesn't have to." "Just let her do it, she won't worry." "[Lydia] That's your problem." "Why don't you talk about her like she's not sitting right here." "I'm not." "I'm talking to her, aren't I mom?" "Yes, yes you are." " Thanks and what makes you such an expert?" "!" " Oh shut up!" " Grow up, Lydia." " Suck it!" " Oh that's very articulate well said." " Girls!" "[Lydia] Do you want me to show you are you kidding me?" " [Alice] Girls, come on." " [Lydia] Why are you such an asshole." "[Alice] Stop it, please." "[Lydia] Shut up!" "[Anna] You shut up." " Both of you stop it." " [John] What is going on here?" "Ali, this is a beautiful spread." "Thank you Charlie." "[Alice] Lydia baby, I know we argued about something yesterday... but I can't remember what it was about." " Oh, it was nothing, honestly." " No, I upset you." "And..." "I should apologize." "Really, no..." "I should apologize, I'm..." "I feel really bad." "I was... so insensitive yesterday." "Will you forgive me, honestly?" "Over what?" "It was about... you respecting my privacy and I... don't want that." "And I take it back, completely." "And I'm sorry, ok?" "I'm sorry." " It's not as if I can remember it." " I know." "Right?" "What's it like?" "What does it actually feel like?" "Hmm, well..." "It's not always the same, you know, I have uh, I have good days... bad days and... on my good days I can, you know, almost pass for a normal person." "And on my bad days I feel like I can't find myself, um..." "I've always been so... defined by my..." "intellect, my language... my articulation... and now sometimes I can see the words hanging in front of me and I... can't reach them and I don't know who I am and I don't know what I'm gonna lose next." "Sounds horrible." "Thanks for asking." "Oh Lydia." "NO SECRETS..." "[Actress playing Masha] They're leaving us." "When it's quiet like this." "Quiet and forever." "We alone remain, to begin our lives over again." "We must live." "We must live." "[Lydia playing Irina] There will come a time when we all will know why... for what purpose... there is all this suffering." "And there will be no mystery." "Now we must live." "We must... work!" "Just work!" "Tomorrow I'll go off on my own and I'll teach." "I'll give everything I have to those who might perhaps need it." "It's Autumn now..." "Soon it will be winter." "The snow will cover everything." "And I'll be working." "Just working." "[People congratulating Lydia]" "[John] Miss Howland would you sign for me." "[Alice] It was just wonderful." "I found it so easy to empathize with her." "You really caught her despair but also her joy." "Thank you." "Awesome." "Will we get to see you in anything else this summer?" "Um, no, it's the only job I got." "So you're here for just the season." "Yeah." "[Anna] Mom, mom, she's Lydia." "Your daughter." "[Mumbles] No, I know." "[Lydia] Um..." "Thanks for coming." "It's just so weird." "It's embarassing." "Don't be embarassed, please." "Don't be." "[Alice reading cards] Giraffe..." "Hammer..." "Comb..." "Oh I know what that is, it is like a chicken but it's not..." "It..." "It's a duck!" "[Dr. Benjamin] What about this one?" "A basketball." " Could you spell water for me backwards." " Could I spell it forwards first?" "Uh huh." "W-A-T-E-R" "R-E-T-A-W" "That's very good." "Now, can you tell me that name I asked you to remember a few minutes ago?" "Ugh." "You tell me and I can never remember it." "Was it "John Black", "John White", "John Jones" or "John Smith" ?" "Smith." "And his address." "Was it "East St", "Washington St", "Humboldt St"... or "Main Street" ?" "Just to jump in here, we're both concerned about the rate of deterioration." "Is that normal?" "Every case is different." "With Familial Early Onset, things can go fast." "And actually with people who have a high level of education... things can go faster." "Often they've managed to sustain their mental processes through innovative means and... that delays diagnosis." "Clearly Alice's memory is failing but she's still incredibly resourceful." "Thank you." "I know, you're discouraged." "But sometimes I've seen patients plateau even at this point." "Don't lose hope." "Alice, I read your name in the Alzheimers Association Care Conference brochure." "You're gonna give a speech." " Will you be there?" " Yes, I'm looking forward to it." "I'm going to be away on business in Minnesota and..." "I'm worried." "Are you sure this is a good idea?" "Considering the state that she's in, she's gonna be under a lot of stress." "I think it'll be great for her." "I'm sure everything will be fine." "You're not worried about it are you Alice?" "No, I don't think so." "While these ways to prevent the production of Amyloid are being tried..." "There is a new study that combines base and gamma secretase inhibitors... and this is one of our best hopes for the future." "That's it, that's the end." "[Lydia on computer] Good mom, good." "Very scientific." " Yes, well, you know." " Yeah." " I'm sure it's valid... but um..." " But what?" "You need to make it a bit more personal." "I don't understand what you mean by personal." "You know." "You're not speaking to a room of scientists." "What I wanna know really is like... how you feel." "What does it feel like." "What is the disease doing to you." "You weren't listening because that's all there." "That's in the speech." "Okay." "Don't ask me then." "Oh no, then I won't ask... then." "Hey... mom... give it more thought, okay?" "I can't because I have done it already!" "[Lydia] Huh?" "I..." "I use this... yellow thingy to mark it... so I don't have to read the same line... over and over and over and over again." "Got it, totally." "Print out one more." "Do you know that it took me 3 days to write this?" "!" " You can print out one more." " No it took me... three... days." " Sorry." " 3 days!" "[Alice hangs up]" " [Usher] Here you are." " [Alice] Thank you." "Hi." " [Dr. Benjamin] Hello there." " [Tom] Hello." "Hi oh uh, Tom this is my doctor." "This is my son Tom." "Travis Benjamin." "I'm your mothers neurologist." "This is my son Tom." "So, how you feeling Alice." " I think I'm nervous." " You're gonna do great." " Break a leg." "Nice meeting you." " Yeah." "[Emcee] It is a great honor to welcome our next speaker, Alice Howland." "A former professor of Linguistics at Columbia... she's written textbooks and has lectured all over the world." "Alice is living with Early Onset Alzheimers... with the care and support of her loving family." "Please welcome Alice Howland." "Please give me... just a minute." "Good morning." "It's an honor to be here." "The Poet, Elizabeth Bishop, once wrote:" ""The art of losing isn't hard to master..."" ""so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost..."" ""that their loss is no disaster"." "I am not a poet." "I'm a person living with Early Onset Alzheimers." "And as that person, I find myself learning the art of losing... every day." "Losing my bearings, losing objects... losing sleep, but mostly... losing memories." "[Alice exclaims] Oh." "Um..." "I think I'll try to forget that just happened." "All my life, I've accumulated memories." "They've become in a way, my most precious possessions." "The night I met my husband... the first time I held my texbook in my hands... having children... making friends..." "travelling the world." "Everything I've accumulated in life, everything I've worked so hard for... now all that is being ripped away." "As you can imagine, or as you know, this is hell." "But it gets worse." "Who can take us seriously when we are so far from who we once were." "Our strange behavior and fumbled sentences... change others perceptions of us... and our perception of ourselves." "We become ridiculous... incapable..." "comic." "But this is not who we are." "This is our disease." "And like any disease, it has a cause... it has a progression, and it could have a cure." "My greatest wish, is that my children..." "Our children, the next generation... do not have to face what I am facing." "But for the time being I'm still alive." "I know I'm alive." "I have people I love dearly." "I have things I want to do with my life." "I rail against myself for not being able to remember this." "But I still have moments in the day of pure happiness and joy." "And please do not think that I am suffering." "I am not suffering." "I am struggling." "Struggling to be a part of things." "To stay connected to who I once was." "So live in the moment I tell myself." "It's really all I can do." "Live in the moment." "And not beat myself up to much." "And not... beat myself up too much for mastering the art of losing." "One thing I will try to hold onto though, is the memory of speaking here today." "It will go..." "I know it will... it may be gone by tomorrow." "But it means so much... to be talking here, today.... like my old ambitious self who was so fascinated by communication." "Thank you for this opportunity." "It means the world to me." "Thank you." "[John] It's the Mayo Clinic." "It'll start up next spring." "And I'll be heading up my own team." "So you want us to move to..." "It's in Rochester Minnesota." "It could be a whole new adventure for us." "You might even like it there." "Every thing I know is here." "Anna, Tom and the babies, that are coming." "It's just a 2 hour flight." "We'd see them as often as we do now." "Ali, this just came up and they haven't even made a formal offer... but don't you see, this is it." "They're working on so many cutting edge treatments, they've got so many resources." "I understand that work is important." "I miss working." "I think you should ask them if you can start in a year." "It's not academia." "They don't give sabbaticals." "But to pick up and move right when, when... when... [makes exasperated sound]" "[Alice] Why can't I say what I wanna say?" "!" "Ali one way or the other we'll still be together." "So... no time off?" "!" "I can't take a year off." "Financially that's not an option." "And god knows where we'll be further down the line." "That's it then." "That's it." " What?" " Well you don't want that." "A year... at home... with me, watching this." " I didn't say that." " You didn't have to." "WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR OLDEST DAUGHTER?" "ANNE..." "[BACKSPACES OVER THE E AND TYPES A]" "WHAT MONTH IS YOUR BIRTHDAY?" "O-H-C-T-O-B-R" "Hon, what are you doing!" "?" " I can't find it!" " Can't find what?" "!" " I can't find my phone!" " It's the middle of the night!" "The thing's important." "It goes off at 8 O'clock in the morning... and asks me these questions." " I have to find it!" " We'll look for it in the morning." " No, I have to find it!" " We'll look for it..." " Help me find my phone!" " I'll help you find it tomorrow, I promise you." " Help me..." " Tomorrow, tomorrow." " No!" "I want it..." " I'll help you find it tomorrow." " Help me find it!" "I promise you I'll find it, so come to bed with me." "Come... come to bed with me please." "Please." "Okay." "Come on." "[John talking on phone in background]" "[Anna] Hey." " Anne?" " [John in background] I look forward..." " Hi." " Hey momma." "Hey." "It's Anna, mom" " I thought you were my sister." " It's okay." " How are you feeling?" " Ugh, so uncomfortable." "Can't breathe, can't sleep, was it like this for you?" " I didn't have 2 at a time." " [Anna] This is true." "[John] Did you get the grey kind?" " I did." "It's right here." " Great." "Everything on track?" "Yes, they made a very generous offer." " Oh, that's great." " I guess." "No it is." "It's absolutely the right decision." " [John] Would you like some water?" " [Anna] Yes, please." "John what happened?" "Who was on the phone?" "Uh, that was that hospital honey, the Mayo Clinic." "Is someone sick?" "No, nothings wrong." "Everything's absolutely fine." "Oh my god." "[Alice gasps]" "Oh no." "I was looking for that last night." "[John Whispers] It was a month ago." "[John] Ali." "Hon." "Wake up crabby." "It's time to wake up." "Time to get dressed." "I'm gonna help you." "[John] Got some very good news for you." "I'm gonna help you with your pants, ok." "[Mumbles] I want my green one." "No I think this one will be really nice." "Let's put that one on." "[Alice] Okay." " Lean on me." " Uh huh." "[John] Hold on." "Well there she is." " What's the matter with her?" "Is she?" " She just delivered the baby, hon." "Hi." "You had your baby." "Yes I did." " This is Alison." " [John] They're so beautiful." "And that's Charlie Junior." "This is little Charlie." "Yes." "There you go." "Can I hold her?" "Uh, is that a good idea?" "I know how to hold a baby." "That's okay." "Mom, you can sit right there on that chair." "[Anna] There, that's good." "Something tells me you've done this before." "She looks like you." "[John in the background] There are days when she knows where she is... but there are just as many days when she doesn't." "Maybe she thinks she's a child back in New Hampshire... or who knows." "It's happening more and more" "[Tom] I just..." "I keep thinking about what she said in that speech, you know... how important her memories are." "Who she is." "[Anna] Yes." "That was months ago." "[John] Guys, this is difficult, for all of us." "But it's important to remember... who Alice was." "She would not want to be a burden." "Now Anna, you have the babies and you wanna go back to work... and you're not in a position to care for her, not seriously Tom." "And I can't keep Mayo waiting." "The beginning of this month, I am gone." "Now I want to take her with me." "I will get her the best possible care." "And once she's adjusted to Minnesota..." "She will be happier for it and so will all of us." " Lydia's having a fit." " So let her." " Well she is." " Well, she has no right to." "If she cares she wouldn't be on the other side of the country." "Hot in here." "[Alice] Who is he exactly?" "His name is Bill Compton." "He's the manager." "Why is he so important?" "He'll open doors for me." "You know, get me into auditions that I wouldn't be able to get into." "Got me some good head shots." "I see." "What's his name?" "Uh, Bill Compton." "He's with Compton Gold." "If you wanna look them up, their good." "Kettles boiling." "Where's Elena?" " I'm making myself a cup of tea." " Cool." "Where's your caretaker?" "Elena's not here today." "Her daughter's sick." "She's at the doctor." "You're alone?" "!" "I can make myself a cup of tea." "Okay." "Okay." "Do you wanna check out my headset?" "I'll send you a link." "Can you open the file, download a file?" "Yes." "Okay." "[Sound of file being delivered on Skype]" "Okay, yeah, um..." " I'll do it for you, okay." "I love you." " Fine." " Bye." " Bye." "[Sound of Skype signing off]" "BUTTERFLY MOVIE" "[Alice in movie] Hi." "Alice, I'm you and I have something very important to say to you." "Um..." "I guess you've reached that point where you can't answer any of the questions." "So this is the next logical step." "I'm sure of it." "Because what's happened to you... the, you know the Alzheimers, you could see it as tragic, but... your life has been anything but tragic." "You have had a remarkable career... and a great marriage." "And three beautiful children." "Uh, listen to me, um..." "This is important." "Make sure that you're alone, and go to your bedroom." "In your bedroom there's a dresser with a blue lamp." "Open the top drawer... in the back of the drawer there's a bottle with pills in it." "It says take all pills with water." "Now there are a lot of pills in that bottle... but it's very important that you swallow them all." "Okay?" "And then... lie down... and go to sleep." "And don't tell anyone, what you're doing... okay?" "[Movie replaying] In your bedroom there's a dresser with a blue lamp." "Open the top drawer, in the back of the drawer there's a bottle with pills in it." "It says take all pills with water." "[Mumbling the instructions to herself]" "[Continues mumbling] ... blue lamp..." "[Movie replays] Make sure that you're alone, and go to your bedroom." "In your bedroom there's a dresser with a blue lamp." "Open the top drawer, in the back of the drawer there's a bottle with pills in it." "It says take all pills with water." "Now there are a lot of pills in that bottle... but it's very important that you swallow them all." "Okay?" "And then..." "lie down... and go to sleep." "And don't tell anyone, what you're doing... okay?" "[Elena] Hello?" "I'll have a cookies and cream and a chocolate hazelnut." "Alice you know what you want, right?" "Cookies and cream and a chocolate hazelnut." "No honey, you usually have the original with blueberries and coconut." "Okay." "Original with blueberries and coconut, please." "Ali, you see that building over there?" "You know what that is?" "I don't think I know that." "That's Columbia where you used to teach." "Someone told me, I was a good teacher." "Yes... you were." "I was really smart." "You were the smartest person I've ever met." "Ali... do you still wanna be here?" "I'm not done yet." "Do we have to go?" "!" "No." "Don't worry." "Take your time." " [John] Is this all of your stuff?" " [Lydia] I shipped some boxes as well." "Are you sad to leave LA?" "I'm trying to convice myself I'm more of an east coast girl." "Where's mom?" "Well here it is... your old room." "[Lydia sighs]" "So how did it work out with your manager?" "It's a west coast company, you know." "Not so good." "Well that's too bad." "Are you sure you don't mind?" "Dad, this conversation..." "Okay." "It's New York City." "I'll audition, do theater." "I know that this is where I need to be though, so..." "You're a better man than I am." "Dad are you okay?" "It's getting pretty cold, huh?" "Wanna head home?" "C'mon let's do it." " Hey." " Hi." "[Elena] How was your walk?" "I don't think I know you." " Yes you do." " Hey, mom, it's Elena." "I'm gonna get some juice, okay?" "Let's take off your coat and go inside." "[Lydia begins reading Tony's Kushner's "Angels in America"]" "Night flight to San Francisco." "Chase the moon across America." "God!" "It's been years since I was on a plane." "When we hit 35,000 feet we'll have reached the tropopause..." "The great belt of calm air." "As close as I'll ever get to the ozone." "I dreamed we were there." "The plane leapt the tropopause... the safe air and attained the outer rim... the ozone which was ragged and torn... patches of it threadbare as old cheesecloth and that was... frightening." "But I saw something only I could see... because of my astonishing ability to see such things." "Souls were rising... from the earth far below... souls of the dead of people who'd perished from... famine, from war, from the plague... and they floated up like skydivers in reverse." "limbs all akimbo, wheeling and spinning." "And the souls of these departed joined hands... clasped ankles and formed a web, a great net of souls." "And the souls were three atom oxygen molecules of the stuff of ozone... and the outer rim absorbed them and was repaired." "Nothing's lost forever." "In this world, there is a kind of painful progress." "Longing for what we've left behind and... dreaming ahead." "At least I think that's so" "That's it." "Hey." "Did you like that?" "Hmm, what I just read." "Did you hate it?" "[Alice mumbles incoherently]" "[Alice continues mumbling]" "What..." "What was it about?" "Love." "Love." "Yeah mom." "It was about love." "STILL ALICE" "Subs by:" "JoeShmoe Timings by:" "Commotion7"