"* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear the same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang, m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at the Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at The Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Saucy flappers in cloche hats" "* Natty chappies in white spats" "* The upper set is going bats" "You rang, m'lord?" "(George, echoing) You're lazy." "Lazy, shiftless and idle." "Bone idle." "All you do is wear flashy clothes, play golf and chase servant girls." "Either you go to work or you marry Madge Cartwright." "No!" "No!" "Teddy bear!" " No!" " Teddy bear!" "Come to my arms, Teddy bear!" "Come to my arms!" "Come to bed!" "Come to bed!" " Come to bed!" "Come!" " Oh, no!" "Anything but that!" "I must get rid of Madge Cartwright." "Where are the two Chinamen?" "You want two Chinamen?" "I am one Chinaman." "I am...another Chinaman." "Get rid of Madge Cartwright!" "Get rid of Madge Cartwright!" "OK, boss." "Teddy bear!" "Teddy bear!" "Come to bed!" "Teddy!" "Teddy bear!" "Teddy!" "Come to..." "Madge Cartwright got rid of." "Prisoner at the bar, stand up to be sentenced." "The honourable Edward Meldrum, you have been found guilty of the terrible crime of kidnapping Madge Cartwright and being bone idle." "You are sentenced to 50 years' hard labour, testing rubber goods at the Union Jack Rubber Company." "I didn't do it!" "It was these bally Chinamen!" "We are bally innocent Chinamen." "Of course you are." "Not only that, you're working class." "Not guilty." "Take him down." "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "I don't know how to work!" "I just wear flashy clothes, play golf and chase servant girls." "You will test 1,000 invalid cushions per day or you'll get no bread or water." "Blow the air in." "Push the air out." "Blow the air in." "Push the air out." "Blow the air in." "Push the air out." " I can't do it!" " In!" "Out!" "In!" "Out!" "In!" "Out!" "Get them off!" "Get them off!" "Off!" "Off!" "Get them off!" "Get them off!" " (Teddy) Off!" " What's going on?" " It's Uncle Teddy." " What is happening?" " It's coming from Uncle Teddy's room." " Oh, good heavens." " Teddy?" " Off!" "Get them off!" "Who have you got in there with you?" "Off!" "Get them off!" " Off!" "Get them off!" " It's all right!" "All right, I'll blow it up!" "There's no need to beat me!" "Oh!" "Oh!" " What's happening?" " You had a nightmare, Uncle Teddy." "Oh, gosh!" "I had a nightmare!" "George, I had a nightmare!" "Oh, Mr Teddy..." "Mr Teddy!" "My God!" "It's still going on!" "Mr Teddy, was it about the war?" "No!" "I had to go to work!" "M'lord, if you'll show me where he hid the girl, James and I will get her out." "It's all right, Stokes." "Mr Teddy was having a nightmare." "Oh, poor Mr Teddy." "Would you like a cup of tea?" " Oh, yes, please, a cup of tea." " India or China?" " Oh, no, no, not China!" " It's all right." "It's over." "It's over." "Right, back to bed, everybody." "Sorry you've been disturbed." " (Man) Is everything all right up there?" " Who's that?" " I think it's Constable Wilson, sir." " Oh, lord... (Wilson) Oh, it's you, Your Lordship." "Is everything all right?" "Yes, thank you, Constable." "I heard a voice yelling, "Get 'em off!"" " It was my brother." " Ah, I thought that's who it was." " He was having a nightmare." " Oh, I see." "Well, that's all right, then." "Good night." "Back to bed, everybody." "I dreamt I was back at the factory." "You wouldn't do that to me, would you?" "Of course not, Teddy, just so long as you marry Madge Cartwright." "But she was part of the nightmare!" "Have a nice cup of tea." "You'll feel better." "I gave him his tea, but he was asleep, so I left it on the side." "I'm glad somebody's getting some sleep." "Does he realise we have to be up at the crack of dawn to get their breakfast?" "When he was a boy, he used to have nightmares." "Personally, I blame the cheese." "I make it a rule never to eat Gorgonzola after eight o'clock." "We never have Gorgonzola in the house!" "Nasty, smelly, foreign stuff." "You don't go in for cheeses, do you?" "No.8, they have a cheese board you wouldn't believe." "Her cherry cake isn't up to much, but she can order cheese." "I expect you'll want to get back to your beat, Constable." "I'd have been at the station half an hour ago, but I thought I saw somebody in your drive, then I heard Mr Teddy's voice, so I thought I'd investigate." " Good night, all." " (All) Good night." "See you in the morning." "Will it be kippers?" "Very likely." "I had some at No.4 yesterday." "They were all bones." "Well, I'm off." "We've still got a couple of hours before we start another day." "You going to count sheep, Mrs Lipton?" "If I count anything, Henry, it'll be the money certain people owe me." " Who is it owes her money?" " She lent me half a crown last week." " She never stops going on about it." " Half a crown?" "I could buy 15 chocolate cream bars with that." "Make me sick of course." "Mind you, it would be worth it." "She lent you half a crown!" "L7 4 you owe her, which you obtained by lies and deceit!" "What a mathematical brain you have, James Twelvetrees." "Oh, don't start." "Dad'll pay Mrs Lipton back." " Won't you, Dad?" " Of course I will." " And he's told her he won't marry her." " We've no proof of that." "The way she's going on, he must have said something." " Is there another cup in the pot, Ivy?" " Just about." "Well... one more fag and I'm off to bed." " God, I hate these Egyptian cigarettes." " Then why do you smoke them?" "Because his lordship is out of Virginia." "That reminds me, I must order more." "Fancy one?" "I've never taken anything that didn't belong to me in all my time in service." " He's the most honourable man I've met." " Thank you, Ivy." "It isn't easy to keep on the straight and narrow these days, is it Mr Twelvetrees?" "It was the way you was brought up, wasn't it?" "Did you say your father was a lay preacher?" " Yes." " Well, is that a sort of a vicar?" "Yes, something like that." " You told me he was a church warden." " No, you're mistaken, Alf." "Knowing nothing of Church matters, I doubt you'd know the difference." "I beg your pardon, Your Holiness." "I expect it was his example that made you religious." "Very likely." "When I stood next to him in church on Sunday," "I could feel sanctity oozing out of him." "You're ever so sanctimonious, aren't you?" "You haven't got the right word there, Ivy." "If you ask me, you're trying to live in a world that doesn't exist." "All the more reason to maintain the moral standards I was taught from boyhood - truth, loyalty and thrift." "Well, you're doing all right with thrift." "You're as mean as muck." " Good night, Ivy." " Good night, Dad." "See you in the morning." "I wish you and my dad got on a bit better." "He's not a bad sort at heart." "What do you mean, "Not a bad sort"?" "I know he's your father, Ivy, but if you and I hadn't covered up for him time after time, he'd be behind bars!" "Well, he's had a hard life." " What's your mother like, Ivy?" " Oh, she's lovely." "She looks like me, except she doesn't wear glasses, her nose turns up and she's got grey hair." "Oh, but she's got lovely teeth." "She saved up two years for them." " Have you any brothers and sisters?" " No, just me." "They were ever so poor." "They couldn't even afford a photographer at the wedding." "There's not one picture in the house." "You'd hardly think they had a wedding at all." "Well, I'd better wash these cups or Mrs Lipton will give me what for." "Oh!" "There's somebody outside in the garden!" " Where?" " He just ran by." "He's round the back." "The constable said he saw someone in the drive!" "What are we going to do?" "(Knock on door)" "Don't answer!" "It might be a burglar!" "Calm down, Ivy." "Burglars do not come to the back door and knock." "I'll be here in case you need help." " Dad!" " Jim." "Let me in, quick." "I had to wait till that copper had gone." "I'm on the run, Jim." "You've got to hide me." "Are you alone?" " Ah!" " Ah!" " Who's this?" " Good evening." "Ivy...this is my father." "Oh, the preacher!" "Oh, h..." "How do you do?" " Now, look, Dad..." " Ah!" "Oh, dear, oh, dear." "Oh, dear." "I must sit down." "My heart's playing up again." "Oh, that's better." " Shall I put the kettle on?" " (James) Yes, Ivy." "Haven't you got anything stronger?" " There's a drop of beer." " That'll do." "Have you got any grub?" " There's a pork pie in the pantry." " Lovely." " Hang on." "I'll get you a glass." " Don't bother." " I'll get a knife and fork." " It's all right." "I can manage." "Oh, I don't want to put anyone to any trouble." " Have you come far?" " Birmingham." "Oh, were you preaching there?" "What's she on about?" "Sit down." "Now then, let me give it to you straight." "I need you to fix me up with a billet while the heat's on." "Like I told you, I'm on the run." "Has he run all the way from Birmingham?" " No, you see..." " What is it this time?" "I have been straight, Jim." "Four years, I've been straight." " Well, since I did that last bit of porridge." " Is he a cook as well?" "See, I was short of cash, Jim, desperate for money, and then the boys said they'd give me a monkey to drive the getaway car." "A monkey?" "Yeah." "It was a warehouse job they was doing." "Well, you see, the alarm went off and Harry..." "You know, one-eyed Harry, he lost his nerve, pulled out a shooter." " A gun?" "!" " I never knew he had it." "Straight up." "Straight up what?" "Anyway, he fired one shot, and thank God, he missed." "Now, as you know, I don't..." "I don't hold with shooters, so I took to my heels and ran." "They nicked two of them." "Now, the rest are after me for leaving them in the lurch, and the...the Rozzers are after me an' all." "I'm in a right pickle, son." "But you can't stay here!" "You wouldn't turn your own flesh and blood out on the street?" "That's all very well, Dad." "I've got a good job." "I've worked hard for it." "I don't want anything to do with this!" "J, my little boy, you're the only one I've got to turn to." "Look, just...just hide me for a few days, and then help me get out of the country." "Excuse me." "Where did you put the monkey?" "Ivy..." "Now, listen, Ivy, I've kept this secret all my life." "My father's been in and out of trouble ever since I can remember." " Do you mean he's not a preacher?" " No." "He's a burglar." "A burglar?" "How awful!" "He's not even a proper burglar!" "He just gets in with the wrong people and gets led astray." "He's weak but he's never been in this sort of trouble, not armed robbery." "Why doesn't he go to the police?" "He didn't do any shooting." "One-eyed Harry did that, and he missed." "Probably cos he's only got one eye." "You don't know the law, Ivy." "If one uses a gun, they're all up for armed robbery." "He'd be lucky to get ten years' hard labour." " Oh, no." " What am I going to do?" " Hide him." " I can't do that!" "He's your dad." "You've got to!" " But where?" " Take him up to your room." "No one goes in there except me when I clean." " We can sneak food up to him." " But he can't stay there forever." " Dad'll know what to do." " I don't want him to know." " I couldn't take the humiliation." " What else can we do?" "Oh, I don't know." "I need time to think." "Get him upstairs." "We'll decide in the morning." "Jim... where's the toilet?" "Outside." " It's down there on the right." " Thank you, son." "Mr Twelvetrees, I'm still worried about that monkey." " More toast, Miss Poppy?" " Oh, yes, please." "I'm hungry as a hunter." "Butter it for me, please, James, and take the butter to the edge." "Yes, Miss Poppy." " Good morning, Your Lordship." " Morning, James." " Your Times, sir." " Thank you." "Morning, Daddy." "I've never seen you late for breakfast." "I couldn't get to sleep after that ridiculous business last night." "Poor Uncle Teddy." "It's your fault." "You should never have made him work for his living." "Why shouldn't he?" "I work for my living." "Daddy, you only go into the City one day a week." "Until last year, I used to go in much more." "Three days a week." "However often it was, business is booming, especially the Union Jack Rubber Company." "Because Marie Stopes said your products work." "As I keep telling you, Poppy, that's only one of our lines." "I'm fed up with people making cheap jokes about it." " Morning, Teddy." " Morning, George." "You're looking very bright, considering." "That nightmare gave me an absolutely wonderful idea for a new invention that's going to make me oodles of cash." " Oh, really?" "What is it?" " I'm not going to tell you." "Well, that's the end of that conversation." "As soon as I perfect it, I'll sell it to the highest bidder." "I'm sure the business world will be agog." "James, you spilt coffee in my saucer!" "I can't drink coffee if it's in the saucer!" " It'll drip on my dressing gown." " I'm sorry, sir." "I should bally well think so." "I've never known your hand to tremble." "What's the matter?" "Yes, and he's broken my toast." "You're not usually clumsy like that." "I'll obtain some more, miss, and a clean cup, sir." "Oh, Ivy, I can't go on." "I'm so jumpy." "Go in and see to the family." " Well, how's your dad?" " He had the bed." "I slept on the floor." " He was still asleep when I left." " Oh, poor soul." "He was tired out." " I'll go up and see if he's all right." " Oh, good morning, Lady Lavender." "Oh, Ethel, I've had another note from Captain Dolby." "I think I'm going to elope." "What was that about?" "She keeps finding letters from her boyfriend 40 years ago and thinks he's just sent them." "See to the family, Ivy." "What was all that commotion during the night?" "Was the house being attacked by hostile tribesmen?" "No, Lavender." "We don't get hostile tribesmen down this street." "They stay the other side of the Thames." "Croydon." " Are you all right, Dad?" " Yeah." "Rotten lumpy bed they given you." "It's better than the floor." "Put that cigarette out." "If Mrs Lipton smells that, it'll give us away." " Have you got any grub?" " I'll bring some as soon as I can." "I can smell bacon." "Bacon would go down a fair treat." " I'll do my best." " I don't want it swimming in grease." "You'll have what I can get." "Churchill's putting thruppence on income tax." "That'll make it four shillings in the pound." "The man's a fool." "He'll never amount to anything." "I mean, look at that mess he made at Balaclava." "That was Omdurman, Lavender, and we won." "Well, he was wearing a Balaclava." "Morning, family." "Sorry I'm late." "Cissy, I can't have you sitting down to breakfast with all that on." " She does it to show off." " I do not show off." "I'm only having coffee." "I ate at the aerodrome with the instructors." " But you've got your licence." " Steve's teaching me to loop the loop." "I wish you wouldn't do that." "Flying is dangerous enough the right way up." "You just shove the stick forward and wait till the wind's shrieking through your stays, then pull back and over you go." "You wear stays under all that?" "Wear a frock tomorrow night." "We've got the bishop coming with three cronies." "Daddy, why do you keep inviting these boring bishops to dinner?" "Because your father wants to be on the board of the BBC as a governor." " How do the bishops help?" " They know the other boring governors." "Excuse me, my lord." "This arrived by special messenger from the factory." "It's addressed to Mr Edward." "Oh!" "Good-o." "I rang up for it early this morning." "Couldn't you have had them wrap it?" "The neighbours probably think it's for me." "What do you want that for?" "Are you having trouble sitting?" "I'm not going to tell you." "When I perfect my invention, you'll be laughing on the other side of your face." "The sooner he marries Madge Cartwright and gets his own place the better." "(Whistling cheerfully)" "(Coughing)" "You all right, Jim?" " (Coughing)" " Jim?" "That's all the breakfast things, Mabel." "If I had my way, I'd pass a law against eating kippers in the morning." "It turns my stomach." "Don't grumble, Mabel." "You get well paid." "There's three slices of bacon and an egg." "I can't take a plate upstairs." "Someone will see." "Here's a couple of slices of bread." "Put it in that." "Oh, and here's some peanuts for the monkey." " Ivy, there is no monkey." " What have you done with it?" "A monkey is L500." "Oh, never!" "Ah, a nice little sandwich." " Feeling a bit peckish, are you, James?" " I was..." "I was just making it for Mabel." "Did I hear my name mentioned?" "Mr Twelvetrees has made you a nice sandwich." "Well, I never." "What is it?" "Three slices of bacon and a fried egg." "You can take it home." "I'm not taking it anywhere." "I'm eating it here." "I was just passing your room, James, and I heard a coughing." "I expect it was the pigeons." "There's ever so much smoke about." " Drop it, Ivy." "I went into the room." " How?" "It was locked!" "All the locks upstairs are the same." "I've met him." "I've talked to him, and I know what's going on." "Oh, no." "You always were a hypocrite, James Twelvetrees." "You and your strict upbringing." "Truth, loyalty and thrift?" "And all that guff you gave us about your father being a lay preacher?" "He's a snivelling little tea leaf!" "Oh, no!" "All right." "I'm glad it's out in the open." "All my life, I hated what my father stood for." "I was always afraid it might come out in me." "Because he was so weak, I had to be twice as strong." "I couldn't allow myself the smallest fault." "Well, it's over." "The police will catch him, and if they don't, his own gang will." "He'll go to prison." "I'll be disgraced and I'll have to leave here." "Oh, no, you won't." "We're all one family down here." "If you're in trouble, we're all in trouble." "We'll sort this out between us." "If the police are after him and the gangs are after him, what chance has he got?" "I wouldn't like to be in your dad's shoes." "I've seen what them gangs can do." "At least he'd be safe in the hands of the police." " I reckon he should give himself up." " And spend ten years in Dartmoor?" "Well, surely if a fine, upstanding man like James spoke up for him, it would help, him being his only son." "And what happens to James after that?" "Supposing he gets the sack?" "Who's going to employ a convict's son?" "Why should Mr Twelvetrees suffer just because of his father?" "It's not fair." "The whole world's not fair, Ivy, especially to the likes of us." "Oh, them upstairs would wheedle their way out of it, but if you're working class, you're guilty before you get in the dock." "We've got to get him out of the country." "But how can we do that?" "I know how to do it." "There's a pub down the docks." "It's run by a pal of mine." "He gets all sorts in there." "Sailors and captains and the like." "They come off banana boats, grain ships and tankers and they go everywhere." "It won't be hard to get him a boat but there's one snag." "They don't do it for nothing." "Well, I've got six pounds in the post office." " We'll need a bit more than that, Ivy." " How much do you reckon?" "Could be up to L50." "Maybe more." "I've got it!" "Sell the monkey." "Ivy..." "Well, you said it was worth L500." "I could ask his lordship for three months' wages in advance." " That would come to L7/10." " I'd help, but I need every penny." "I expect Mrs Lipton's got a bit tucked away." "What I've got tucked away, Henry, is no concern of yours." "Mind you, if I had all the money that is owed to me by certain people, it would be a different matter." "But as it is, I think he should give himself up." "I know he's James's father, but honesty is the best policy." "That's cruel, Mrs Lipton!" "You have to be cruel to be kind, Ivy." "You've gone very quiet, James." "I was doing a sum." "I don't need help." "I've got enough." "I'll go there tonight and see what I can sort out." "Put the kettle on, Mrs Lipton." "Thanks, Dad." "(Loud parp)" " Hello, George." " Not now, Teddy." "I'm busy." " Are you all right, Teddy?" " Yes, perfectly." "Now, George, how would you like to make a lot of money?" " I've already got a lot of money." " You said you could never have enough." "Did I?" "Well, I was quite right." "I'll tell you what I'll do." "As you're my brother, I'll let you have it for L1 ,000 and sixpence on every one you sell." " What are you babbling on about?" " It's my invention." " Oh, the one you wouldn't tell me about?" " I'm telling you about it now." " Good." "Well, go ahead." " Come over here." " Can't you tell me here?" " No." "Sit here." "Oh, really, Teddy!" "I've got a lot of work to attend to." "Now, sit down." "(Parp)" " What on earth was that?" " What do you think it was?" "I'm asking you." "George, if you were in a crowded room and you heard that, what would you think?" "I'd think, er..." " I'd think, er..." " Precisely." " You'd roar with laughter." " I most certainly would not." "I'd do the gentlemanly thing and pretend I hadn't heard it." "You old stick-in-the-mud!" "If you had a sense of humour, you'd go, "Ha-ha-ha!"" " No, I wouldn't." " Get up." "Let me show you." "(Parp)" "(Parp)" "(Parp)" "It'll make us a fortune, George!" "People will buy it for a joke." "They'll put it under their cushions, other people will sit on it and everyone all over the world will go, "Ha-ha-ha!"" "I shall call it the ha-ha-ha cushion." "I think it's absolutely ridiculous." "The public love that sort of humour, and you could put it on the market." "It's bad enough selling what we do sell without selling that." "Does that mean you're turning me down?" "Teddy, you have no idea of business." "And you're a pompous old fuddy-duddy." "I shall sell it to your rivals," "I shall make a fortune, and I shan't give you a penny." "(Parp)" "(Parrot) Come in." "(Lady Lavender) Oh, shut up." "Come in." "(Parrot) Oh, shut up." "Come in." " I've got monkey nuts for the parrot." " Don't give them to him." " But you asked for them." " He's been very rude." "He fell asleep when I was reading him Winnie The Pooh." "Excuse me, my lady, but what are you doing?" "What do you think I'm doing?" " Why do people tie sheets together?" " I don't know." "So they can climb down them and elope." "I'm going to elope with Captain Dolby." "Stand aside." "You're only going to elope as far as the room below." " Get me some more sheets!" " Yes, Lady Lavender." "I must say, Mrs Lipton, this is the nicest duck I've tasted in a long time." "That cook at No.6, Mrs Cooper, she can't do a duck to save her life." "I told the butler to get rid of her." "I've tried all the houses, and I can say you are the best cook in the street." "Oh, thank you, Constable Wilson." "I'm sorry Mr Stokes is not here." "With a delicate flavour like this, a Burgundy would be better than ale." " He's off." "He'll be back soon." " It's all fixed up." "I saw the captain..." "I've er..." "I've seen the captain and he says it's all right for Henry to play in goal." "Oh, and I've er..." "I've seen your sergeant going by on his bike." "Do you think he's looking for you?" "I shouldn't think so, but I'd better go all the same." " Good night, all." " (All) Good night." "Where's mine?" "Didn't you put it in the oven?" "Oh, I forgot all about it." "Oh, we must be getting old, Mr Stokes." "I forget about food, you forget about money." "We're a right pair, aren't we?" "The constable left a leg and a bit of breast." "I suppose that'll have to do." " How did you get on?" " It's all fixed up." "There's a banana boat going to Venezuela tomorrow." "We have to get him on board by half one." " Where's Venezuela?" " South America." " How much?" " Forty quid." " Half by dinner and the rest on board." " How will we get him there?" "Jim and I will run him down on the gardener's motorbike and sidecar." "There's a party for those church people." "Last time they came, they stayed forever!" "They'll go by midnight." "That's soon enough." "I'll get the money first thing." "I gave your dad the duck." "He said the skin was soggy." "What impertinence!" "You heard what the constable said, James." "I'm the best cook in the street." "He said your Lyonnaise potatoes were too oniony." "Any more from him and I'll..." "Well, I'll turn him in." "Oh, Henry, Mr Stokes has seen the captain, and it's all right for you to play in goal." "What are you talking about?" "I made that up, Ivy, because the constable was there." "Oh, I see!" "You're not playing in goal." "Have you fixed him up, then?" "Yeah." "He's on a banana boat tomorrow for South America." "He'll be upset about that." "He was counting on the Mauritania to New York." "Oh, and he said, can you run him a nice hot bath with some bath salts?" "I'll have a word with him." "I can't drink ale with Mrs Lipton's duck." "It's sacrilege." "I'll go and get a nice bottle of Richebourg." " Alf?" " Yes?" "Thanks for what you're doing for me." "I've condemned you in the past, but now I'm in trouble, it's good to know I've got someone I can rely on." "Perhaps it's taught you one thing - when you're in trouble, turn to your own class for help." "Perhaps you're right." "Now, you sing The Red Flag while I get a bottle of wine out of his lordship's cellar." "(Knock on door)" " You rang, Miss Cissy?" " Yes, Ivy." " It is James's room above mine, isn't it?" " Yes, miss." "I've been hearing strange noises all day." "I expect it was Mr Twelvetrees doing his exercises." "It can't be him." "I heard it when he was downstairs." "There's been a lot of coughing too." "What's going on?" "Has he got someone up there?" "I don't think so, miss." "Come on, Ivy." "You're hopeless at lying." "Look me in the eye." "You know something, don't you?" " No, miss." " I shall have to get Daddy to have a look." "Oh!" "All right, Miss Cissy," "I'll tell you, because you're the only one who has any sympathy with us." "You won't let on, will you?" "I don't know what you're going to say." "It's Mr Twelvetrees' dad." "He's on the run from the police." "I see." "What's he done?" "Well, nothing." "Well, almost nothing." "They were robbing a warehouse but he ran away." " Why do the police want him?" " His friend had a shooter." "Mr Twelvetrees' dad didn't know he had a shooter, and when he saw it, he ran away." "And there's a monkey in it somewhere." "If there's a gun involved, it's very serious." "I suppose he could give himself up, but they'd never believe him." "That's what Mr Stokes says." "He's arranged for him to escape on a banana boat tomorrow night." " You won't tell, will you?" " Of course not, Ivy." "He's just another victim of this rotten social system." "Yes, miss." " Ivy..." " Yes, miss?" "Let me know if I can help." "Thank you, miss, but I think Mr Stokes has fixed everything." "If you ask me, Mr Stokes should have been back over an hour ago." "You're right." "The pub shut at three and it shouldn't take over an hour to get here." "It's rough down there." "They could have robbed him and chucked him in the dock." " Don't say that!" " He has that L20 you gave him." "He could be tempted." "He's not a thief, Mrs Lipton." "No, Ivy, I'm not saying he is a thief." "I'm saying he could be tempted." "(Henry) Hello, Mr Stokes." "We were just talking about you." "What's happened to your arm?" "(Slurring) I, er...had a bit of an accident." "Did they try to rob you and throw you in the dock?" " No." "I fell over." " You're drunk." "I am not drunk." "I had a few while I was negotiating with the captain, and I fell over the step when I was coming out of the pub and I had to go to hospital." " Have you broken it?" " No." "It's just a bad strain." "What I always say is drink's a good servant but a bad master." "I am not drunk." "I'm not even happy." "You used my money, I suppose?" "Only ten shillings." "I gave the rest to the captain." "How are you going to drive with your arm in a sling?" " Jim'll have to do it." " I can't drive the bike!" "Well, I haven't got a licence." "Ah, well, we'll have to go some other time, then." "Typical!" "We get everything arranged and you get drunk and spoil everything!" " More sherry, My Lord?" " No." "No, thank you." "Well, maybe a touch more." "My, my, you have been in the wars, Stokes." "What happened?" "I had popped into church for a quiet moment of thanksgiving and upon leaving, I trapped it in the door." " Trapped it in the door?" "You were drunk." " I was not drunk." "Ah, Poppy." "This is my youngest daughter, Poppy." " Good evening, Charles." " Good evening." "How pretty you look!" " Now, this is Peter, Bishop of Guildford." " How do you do?" "Dudley, the Bishop of St Edmundsbury and Ipswich." " And Harold, the Bishop of Exeter." " How do you do?" "Teddy, have you set a date for the wedding?" "Teddy here is going to get married." "No." "I'm working on a rather novel invention." "I don't think Charles wants to hear about it." " It sounds interesting." " Aha!" "You'll hear about it sooner or later." " Ivy, is everything all right?" " No, miss." "It's been cancelled." " Why?" " Mr Stokes can't drive the motorcycle." "Oh, damn!" "Look, Ivy, I could drive him in the car." "Oh, would you, Miss Cissy?" "Oh, thank you." "Anything for a bit of excitement." "When has he go to be there?" " Half past one." " I'll be ready when the bishops leave." "Hello, Charles." " Dad, it's all on." " What do you mean?" " Miss Cissy's going to drive you." " Ivy, I told you not to tell anyone!" "I didn't!" "She found out." " I'll explain later." " Ivy..." "Don't worry." "She's on our side." "Oh, and Mrs Lipton says dinner's ready." " Put the soup in the lift and pull it up." " Yes, Mrs Lipton." "Teddy, I'm dying to hear about your invention." "If you really believe in it, you must have faith." "Charles, you sit there, Dudley there," "Peter next to me and Harold opposite him." " What are cushions doing on the chairs?" " It was Mr Edward's instructions." "(Charles) Right, who is to say grace?" "Who's the most senior?" "Oh, me." "Benedic, nos Domine, et haec tua dona quae de tua largitate sumus sumpturi." " Amen." " (All) Amen." "(Chorus of parping)" "(Long, deep parp)" "(Laughter)" "What did I tell you, George?" "It's the British sense of humour." "I'll make a fortune!" "(George) Very amusing." "It's time they was leaving or they'll miss that boat." "Oh, it's all wrong." "They're playing with fire." "The family's in bed." "Mr Stokes and the rest will be leaving in a few minutes." "If we're to get there by 1 :30, we'd better get a move on." "(Stokes) Come on, James!" "I was fast asleep." "I hate being wakened quickly." "It gives me a headache." " I do not like boats and I hate bananas!" " Come on." " Come on." "Use the front door." " What is going on?" " That's torn it." " Go back to bed." "I'll do no such thing." "Who's this rough-looking fellow?" " I'm going to fetch Daddy." " Come back, Poppy." "The rest of you get in the car." "Poppy, come in here." "Oh, heck!" "It's Lady Lav!" "She's eloping!" "Oh, Ethel, I'm glad you're here." "I need one more sheet." "Get her down." "She'll wake everybody up." "(Stokes) Grab hold of her by the knees." "Easy does it." "We've got you." "Let go of the sheet!" "Oh, Captain Dolby!" "Why haven't you shaved?" " Shall I take her back to her room?" " No, I am not going back to my room!" "I'm going to elope with the captain, and you're trying to stop me!" "No, we're not." "Get her in the car and let's take her with us." " James..." " Yes, miss?" "Seeing he's your father, I won't say anything to Daddy, but I expect you to be very attentive to me in the future." "Yes, Miss Poppy." "Oh, we are squashed." "Perhaps I'd better sit on your knee, Captain Dolby." "Who is this mad old bat?" "Shove him on the floor in case the cops see him." " Come on." "Come on." " Ah!" "Hey!" " That's a nice way to treat your dad!" " Oh, shut up!" "Right, we're all ready, Miss Cissy." "Here's that nosy constable, Miss Cissy." "Put your foot down!" "Here, watch out!" "Where are they going at this time of night?" "They're taking Lady Lavender to the Kit-Kat Club." "Blimey!" "She's a goer, isn't she?" "(Ivy) Oh, it's ever so rough round here." "Do you think it's safe?" "Of course it's not." "Stay in the car while I find the captain." " Stay in the car, miss." " I'm coming with you." " Now, listen..." " Remember your place, Stokes." " I am coming with you." " Very well, miss, but stay close in case there's any bother." "Here, you, where's the captain?" "I arranged to meet him." "You've brought a girl for him?" "She's nice." "He likes blondes." "Give us a kiss, darling." "Oh!" "Now, go and get your captain." "Miss Cissy's just punched a sailor!" "We'd better get over there." "Oh, it's you." "You're late." " Where is he?" " He's here." " Where's he going?" " On the boat." "Oh, how romantic!" "We're going to elope on a boat." "I thought you said there was only one." " Take no notice." " Have you got the money?" "Yes." "Here." " Come on!" "Come on!" " L20." " Where's the rest?" " You've had the rest." " He only gave me L18." " You spent two pounds on drink?" "No wonder you fell over!" "Give him the two quid and stop bellyaching." "Right, you, come on board." " Hang on, where's your passport?" " I haven't got a passport." "Why didn't you get me a passport?" "No passport?" "That's another tenner." "I haven't got another tenner!" "What do you mean, coming without enough money?" "Typical." "I have money." "I brought it to pay for the marriage licence." "Here you are." " Goodbye, Dad." " Eh?" "Oh." "It's a mucky-looking boat." " I hope it don't sink." " Look after him." "Don't worry, I shall put him in a first-class cabin." "Why is he going without me?" "He's going back to join his regiment." "Why?" "Are the Boers revolting?" "Probably." "Come on back to the car." "Just a minute..." "We've forgotten the monkey!" "Come on, Ivy." "It's me, Ivy." "Sorry I'm so late." "I'll have to be short cos it's three in the morning and I've to be up by six." "I'm afraid I've had to tell a few fibs, and I hope you think we've done the right thing about James's dad." "I mean, it wasn't his fault his friend shot with a shooter." "Anyway, he's safe and sound now on the high seas." "And some good might come of it all." "James may not be quite so pompous and my dad might understand that the toffs can be quite nice." "Well, some of 'em, now and again." "Anyway, thanks very much." "Oh, I still don't understand about that monkey, but wherever he is, take care of him." "Good night." "Good night, Dorothy." "Ripped by malgabo Sync by sutyiboy" "* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear the same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang, m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at the Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at The Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Talking flicks are here today" "* And Lindbergh's from the USA" "* Poor Valentino's passed away..." "How sad, m'lord."