"Tell me, who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Wrote the book of the seven seals" "Who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Tell me, who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Wrote the book of the seven seals" "You know, God walked down In the cool of the day" "Called Adam by his name" "And he refused to answer" "Because he's naked and ashamed" "Who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Well, who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Wrote the book of the seven seals" "You know, Christ had 12 apostles" "And three he led away" "Said, "Watch me when I walk Till I go yonder and I pray"" "Who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Wrote the book of the seven seals" "Christ came on the Easter morning" "Mary and Martha was down to see" "Go tell my disciples And meet me in Galilee" "Tell me, who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Tell me, who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Wrote the book of the seven seals" "Who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Tell me, who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" "Wrote the book of the seven seals" " Good morning, Warden." " Tom." "Is that Elwood Blues?" "Yes, sir." "Released yesterday." "Did you tell him about Jake?" "No, sir." "I thought you told him." "I'm sorry." "Listen, I work for a friend of yours." "Who's that?" "Your old drummer, Willie." "I dance at his club." "They told him you were out and he asked me to come check on you." "He said he'd give you a job." "Matara, could you drop me off here, please?" " What can I do for you, boy?" " Sir, how much would something like that full-sized Ford police package in the middle there run me?" "Get yourself $500 and you come back to see me then." "Okay, sir." "That's a nice car." "I'll save it for you." "Thanks." "I wasn't sure you were going to come, Elwood." "Hey, a letter from you is like a command, Sister." "You know that." " Actually, it's Mother Mary now." " That's a promotion, isn't it?" "I'm sorry to hear about Jake." "Yeah, well, I guess he's in a much better place." "Uh..." "Where is Curtis?" "Curtis has gone on as well, Elwood." "I'm sorry." "So, that's why he stopped writing me." "He was very upset when the orphanage closed." "Curtis was the closest thing to a dad that Jake and I ever had." "He gave us the music." "The Lord works in mysterious ways, Elwood." "We all must go on and fight the good fight." "The orphanage is gone, Jake's gone, Curtis is gone." "I got no brother, I got no roots, I got no life." "I got nothing, for Christ's sake." "Young man..." "Ow!" "...you were not taught and raised by me to fold at the slightest whiff of adverse circumstances." "Now quit your silly moping, pull your sorry self together and snap out of it!" "But..." "But nothing!" "Wise up!" "Turn your heart to the Creator." "You are so quick to despair." "You are not the only person in the world who has had tragedy in their lives." "You didn't know that Curtis had a son, did you?" "Curtis had a son?" "Before Curtis came to us at St. Helen of the Blessed Shroud he had a musical group that toured the juke joints of the Midwest." "In one town, Curtis had an affair with a married woman." "Go, Curtis." "I mean, that's terrible." "That's what I thought you meant." "Anyway, the woman became pregnant and decided to remain with her husband, never telling him that the boy child wasn't his." "Curtis was devastated." "He came to us as a custodian and spent the rest of his life caring for little orphans like you, Elwood." "Thanks." "That's a beautiful story." "Hey, wait a minute." "If Curtis had a son, then that guy would be kind of like my stepbrother." "I have a family." "Curtis always stayed in touch with the boy's mother." "He sent his paycheck every week." "Where is this boy now?" "He's a grown man now, Elwood, and doing quite well." "Lives in the city." "His name is Cabel Chamberlain." "Cabel Chamberlain." "He doesn't know anything about Curtis, and it's not your place to tell him." "I wouldn't say anything." "Do you know anything about mentoring, Elwood?" "No." "What about it?" "There's someone I'd like you to meet." "Sister, would you send Buster in here, please?" "Wait a minute." "Thank you." "I..." "Come in, Buster, and sit down." "Elwood, say hello to Buster." "Hi." "How ya doing?" "Buster, say hello to Elwood." "Hi." "How ya doing?" "Hey, the kid's a wiseass." "Shit!" "What did you say?" "I said, what a sweet kid." "That's more like it." "Now, here's my proposal." "Young Buster here is a ward of the state, and due to lack of space the archdiocese has agreed to house homeless children here at the hospital." "What's that got to do with me?" "I thought perhaps that you would come and spend time with Buster." "Why don't you take Buster here to the library in the meantime?" "You know, I've been jacked around..." "The library." "No problem." "See you in two hours, boys." "Okay, kid, here's the deal." "You wait here and I'll come back for you with the car." "Do you have a car?" "I'm working on it." "Chicago." "Cabel Chamberlain." " Thanks for the ride." " Yeah, no problem." "Hey, kid, are you stalking me?" "What are you, 15?" "Seventeen?" "I'm 10." "Ten, huh?" "Look, I know what you're going through." "You're lonely, searching for your place in life." "Just don't blow it like I did." "Stay away from drugs, gangs, cyber porn on the internet, and you could be President of the United States someday." "But I don't want to be President of the United States." "Look, I'm busy." "I got kind of a brother in there." "He must be in some kind of trouble." "Besides, you don't want to hang around with some over-40 recidivist." "Now scram." "A Mr. Elwood J. Blues is here to see you." "Yes, sir." "Mr. Blues, Commander Chamberlain's office is on the 12th floor." "He's expecting you." ""Commander" Chamberlain?" "Now, how can I help you, Mr..." "Blues." "Elwood J. Blues." "Would you mind taking your hat and glasses off in my office, please?" "Okay, you can put your glasses back on." "Now, what exactly is the nature of your visit here, Mr. Blues?" "Well, it's like this." "See," " I used to be in a band..." " Yes." "...called the Blues Brothers." "So?" "With a partner whose name was Jake Blues." "Go on." "And you are our long-lost brother." "Mr. Blues, I am an only child." "Yeah, but your real father was like a real father to me, too." "My real father?" "Yeah, Curtis." "Have you noticed, Mr. Blues, that I am an African American?" "Yeah, that's okay." "So was Curtis." "You see, your mother and Curtis had an extramarital affair, which produced a little boy, that's you." "My father passed away 14 years ago." "He was a full bird colonel in the United States Air Force." "My mother now lives in Phoenix, Arizona, and a more honorable, sweet-tempered and goodly woman does not exist." "Look, I'm not making any moral judgments here, but one can project what might have happened in this case." "Your mom, young, her husband in the military, away from home much of the time, which may have pushed her to reach out, stray from the nest." "That's enough." "Just a minute." "Please." "Hi, Ma." "It's me, Cab." "Listen, I have a gentleman in my office here who's telling me some story about some man named Curtis." "What?" "Right." "So, what precisely is it you want from me?" "Well, seeing as we're kind of like stepbrothers," "I thought maybe, you know, you could help me out." "How could I do that?" "I need 500 bucks for this car, see." "And I thought maybe you could, you know, loan me the money." "Or..." "Or what?" "I'm thinking of putting the band back together." "Maybe you could join us." "I am a commander in the Illinois State Police." "And I enjoy my job." "You waltz in here telling me that I have a dead, white, criminal brother, who was in a band, which the last time they played anywhere were charged with grand larceny," "reckless endangerment, felonious motor vehicle assault, over 700 violations of the Highway Traffic Act, and damages, both public and private, in excess of $24 million." "And you are asking me if I want to join this band?" "I could show you all the moves." "Get the hell out of my office, right now!" "I think you need a hug." "And don't ever come back here again!" " Are you okay?" " Yeah." "He dropped this." "The Lord works in mysterious ways." "...$400, $500." "Thank you, sir." "Is this your boy?" "He's..." "I'm his associate." "Yeah." "Yeah, that's who he is." "Well, you're lucky you came by today." "I'm selling the place tomorrow." "Why is that?" "Going down to New Orleans for a while." "Try out a new career." "Good luck to you, Mr. Gasperon." "Good luck to you, Mr. Blues." "Mother Mary, we've done two bed checks, searched the grounds and we still can't find him." "Can't find who?" "Buster." "He's missing." "Elwood!" "Have you seen my wallet?" "It smells like dog shit in here." "Don't say "shit," kid." "You don't need that shit, kid." "Elwood." "Thank you, baby." "It's me." "Matara." "Yeah, right." "Hey, Mack." "Look who's here." "Elwood Blues." "From Willie's old band." "Hi." "Is this your son?" "Well, he's..." "I'm hungry." "Come on, sweetheart, let's get you something to eat." "Elwood, Willie's in the office." "What would you say if I told you I was putting the band back together?" "I'd say I've got myself a good little business here and I'm not going back to jail." "You're telling me you don't miss it?" "That's right." "I don't miss it." "The music!" "Man, you know you miss the music." "No pharmaceutical product could ever equal the rush you get when the band hits that groove." "The people are dancing, shouting and swaying and the house is rocking." "Sir?" "What is it, Elizondo?" "Found your wallet." "Uh-huh." "Let's see." "Badge, license, credit cards." "All right." "Just the cash is missing." "Where was it?" "Turned in to lost and found in a paper bag, along with this note." "I want a statewide felony theft warrant put out on Elwood Blues." "I want this guy." "Now." "What did he mean, calling you his "little brother"?" "Right away, sir." "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Willie's, the state's most elegant establishment for entertainment, erotica and ecdysia." "And now, four young women currently studying medicine and paleontology at Northwestern University." "Tia, Sandra, Devon and Carla." "Here they are, the Roommates!" "Lonnie, Junior, the band, the girls and I, we're gonna do a little song for you now, a little Mack Rice number." "Hey, all you married men." "If you're tied up, you better stay tied up, because it's cheaper to keep her." "It's cheaper to keep her" "It is cheaper to keep her" "When your little girl make you mad" "You get an attitude and pack your bag" "Five little children that you're leaving behind" "You're gonna pay some alimony Or do some time" "It's cheaper to keep her" "Too much to leave that little girl" "It's cheaper to keep her" "It's cheaper, it's cheaper, it's cheaper" "It's cheaper, cheaper, cheaper, cheaper, yeah" "If you decide to roam" "And leave your happy home" "You got to pay the house note" "The child support, your insurance" "Alimony, mortgage one, mortgage two" "It's cheaper to keep her" "What was that?" "The strong-arm shit, protection payment." "You know the tune." "This time it's Russians." "But, hey, I pay them, they leave me alone." "That's not right." "No shit." "If I could only figure out what Elwood's game is." "Why did he come to see you in the first place, sir?" "He wanted to borrow $500 and asked me if I wanted to join his band." "Well, he got his 500 bucks." "What instrument do you play?" "How about a big hand for our gorgeous, professional lady dancers?" "Where's Willie?" "He went to Cabrini-Green to visit his ailing stepfather." "Why?" "Those Russians are here." "They want to see him." "I'll handle it." "Where's Buster?" "He's in the office, sleeping." "Good evening, gentlemen." "Mr. Hall has been unavoidably detained." "He will be a trifle late." "May I buy you a drink?" "Mack." "Got a minute?" "Don't forget our deal now, Elwood." "Uh-huh." "Willie, you don't have to worry anymore." "Those Russian guys won't be back." "Those guys are bad mothers, Elwood." "Serious shit." "They kill people." "They kill people?" "Listen, Willie." "You gotta understand." "Those goons are orphan remnants of the post-perestroika Soviet secret police apparatus, which, until 1991, carried out its twisted interpretation of the original, well-intentioned Marxist-Leninist doctrine vis-à-vis state security, which was massively corrupted by Lavrenty Beria in the '30s." "Of course, once a mass populace is coerced into such behavior as a permanent condition, a radical, didactic, dialectic shift, such as glasnost, produces guys like these:" "stunned, headless automata whose only alternative in their new lives is the continuation of brutish measures to which their genetic code has been programmed since the fall of the Romanovs." "That's great." "I feel much better." "And now, a very special treat, our own bartender, Mack McTeer, will be performing for you this evening." "Now, now." "Come on." "Elwood!" "What are you doing?" "I'm sorry." "I promised the guy." "It'll never happen again." "I'm all alone and fancy free" "But that ain't the way I want to be" "Now, girls, get your game up tight" "We're gonna have a wing-ding-doodle tonight" "But right now I'm looking for a fox I'm looking for a fox" "I'm looking for a fox" "Tonight the sky's the limit" "I got some money and I'm gonna spend it" "It's Saturday night and I wanna play" "I'm gonna groove till the break of day Now look here" "I'm looking for a fox" "I'm looking for a fox I'm looking for a fox" "Got a brand-new pinstripe suit of clothes" "Big, wide polka-dot tie" "Cuff links as big as jaybird eggs And look at that" "Shoes made out of alligator hide Wanna see something else here?" " I'm ripe and ready and I'm hot to trot" " Boy, you on fire" " Girl, you can get anything I got" " She'll take it, too" " I got the money if you got the time" " We open all night" " All you gotta do is give me a sign" " Look here!" "I'm looking for a fox I'm looking for a fox" "I'm looking for a fox" "Looking for a fox" "Hey, Mack, you know something?" "You can sing, man" " Looking for a fox" " Come on, y'all" "Looking for a fox" "Everyone, please leave now!" " Where's Buster?" " I don't know." "Gas!" "Come on!" "Hurry!" "Elwood!" "You guys okay?" "All the girls get out?" "Yeah, everybody's fine." "Matara, thanks for everything." "Time to go." " Elwood, they have automatic weapons." " Look in the glove compartment." "Carpet tacks." "They have guns and we have carpet tacks." "They're not carpet tacks." "They're drywall nails." "Roll down your window." "Dump the nails." "The Lord works in mysterious ways, Mack." "What do you mean, Elwood?" "If it weren't for those gangsters shaking down Willie and you helping me, I wouldn't have seen you sing." "You're good." "Thank you, Elwood." "Since the Russians torched Willie's club, he'll need a job." "You'll need a job." "I'll need a job." "So, you'll join the band, then we'll all have jobs." "Follow me?" "Sure." "What band?" " Lieutenant?" " Thanks." "Elizondo." "Did you find anything?" "No bodies, but there was plenty of gunfire." "Did you find the club owner?" "Not yet." "Wait a minute." "I got something here you should see." "Matt." "You finally sell that demonstrator?" "Check this funky car coming in." "I got a weird vibe." "The suit's real neat and everything, Elwood, but do I really have to wear the hat?" "These are unsophisticated men." "The only things they respond to are fear and the draw of lucre." "We elicit this by using iconographic symbols and psychological intimidation." "The way we look together now presents a uniform image of strength and organization." "Don't say anything." "Look mean." "No smiling." "Elwood." "Good to see you, man." "Yeah, even though that last gig was a nightmare." "Boys, I'd like you to meet my new partner in the act, Mighty Mack." "Mack, "Blue Lou" Marini, Matt "Guitar" Murphy." "Mighty Mack." "So, what's this all about?" "I'm getting the band back together." "Man, you can't talk about this stuff here." "Matt, she's back from lunch." "Elwood." "Ma'am." "Sorry to hear about Jake." "Thank you, ma'am." "Who's this?" " My new partner, Mack McTeer." " Pleased to meet you." " Matt, can I speak to you privately?" " Sure, baby." "You said when you got out of prison you were gonna be all finished with the Blues Brothers." "That's right." "I did." "You and I have built up a good business here with the cash from the sale of the coffee shop." "And I got us started in this Mercedes dealership." "What is the matter with you?" "And I continue to keep your pathetic friend on even though he hasn't sold a car in over two years." "Yes, you have, and no, he hasn't." "You talk straight with me, Matt Murphy." "I always do." "And you treat me with respect at all times." "I do, baby." "And you know what I mean when I say "respect."" "Hey, what you want Baby, I got it" "What you need You know I got it" "All I'm asking" " Is for a little respect when you get home" " Just a little bit" " Yeah, baby, baby, baby, baby" " Just a little bit" " When you get home" " Just a little bit" "Just a little bit" "I ain't gonna do you wrong While you're gone" "I ain't gonna do you wrong Because I don't wanna" "All I'm asking" " Is for a little respect when you get home" " Just a little bit" " Baby, when you get home" " Just a little bit" "Just a little bit Just a little bit" "I'm about to give you all of your money" "And all I'm asking in return, honey" "Is to give me my propers when you move in there" " Just a, just a, just a, just a, just a, just a" " When you get home" " Just a little bit" " Do it for me, now" "Just a little bit" "Your kiss is sweeter than honey" "Guess what So is my money" "All I need is just a little respect When you get home, baby" " Just a little bit" " Baby, when you get home" " Just a little bit" " Do it for me now" "R to the E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me" "R to the E-S-P-E-C-T Take care, TCB" "Sock it" "Sock it to me Sock it to me" "Yeah, baby" " Sock it" " I don't want much" "Sock it to me Sock it to me" "Baby, I'm telling you" " Respect" " Wherever I go" " Give it to me" " All over the world" " I get my respect" " Respect" "Yes, I do, it's an everyday thing Tell you it is" " Sock it" " Wherever I go" "Sock it to me Sock it to me" "All over the world I need respect" " Sock it" " Yes, I do" " Sock it to me" " I deserve respect" "Yeah" "Listen, Matt." "You ain't all of that, cat." "And Elwood, you ain't no good." "Matt, this is something that I really don't want you to do." "For crying out loud, if this is what you're gonna be like to live with, go ahead." "Thanks, baby." "Let's go." "Elwood." "You boys, please stay out of trouble this time." "Dunn and Cropper, WEXR Chicagoland talk radio" " You're listening to Dunn and Cropper." " Cropper and Dunn." "On WEXR, 103.7 talk radio." "Our topic today, automatic life terms for three-time felony offenders." "Give us a call, we'd like to hear your opinion." "Dunn and Cropper, you're on the air." "Hi, I am definitely not in favor of this triple-felony legislation." "Tell us why." "I'm a recently released inmate who's trying to put his life back together." "But with five felonies already on my record..." "Hey, fellas." "I think I know that voice." "I mean, what chance do I have if I make one more mistake?" "One more time, I could go down for life." "It's just not fair." "My question is, how can you goddamn shit-spewing media sluts help..." "Thank you, caller." "Time for a commercial break." "Steve, you know, I think that sounded a lot like..." "Elwood J. Blues." "No place to run." "And no place to hide." "I know, you told me, your trumpet player's a funeral director now." "But, Elwood, cemeteries still give me the creeps." "He'll be the most difficult." "Follow my lead." "Lay to rest Nicholas Tstetsevkaya, a young man cut down too soon by violent enemies." "Would you please get lost?" "Do you know who these people are?" "Who's this guy?" "What's with the monkey?" "That's no monkey." "That's my associate, Buster Blues." "And this is Mighty Mack, the new lead singer in the band." "So, that's what this is about?" "Forget it." "Goodbye." "Hey, Mr. Fabulous, what time you want us to come back and grab the rings and watch off the corpse?" "And what about the deal with the medical college for his dick?" "We're dead now." "Since I started to work for Ed and Mr. Pickett, I haven't looked back, Elwood." "These guys are amazing." "So, Elwood." "What do you want?" "I'm putting the band back together, and we need Murph on the keyboards." "I see." "I told them I wouldn't go without your say-so." "Murph tells me you're in publishing, telephone sales and matrimonial services?" "Yes, we are." "Just what is it that you do exactly?" "I'm 18 years old, I'm blonde, I'm 36-24-36 and my name is Bambi." "If you need a little lovin'" "Call on me, call me" "If you want some kissin' Call me, baby" "All you got to do" "I'll be right here at home" "All you got to do is pick up the telephone And dial now 634-5789" " That's my number - 634-5789" "And if you need a little huggin'" "Call on me Lord have mercy" "And if you want some kissin'" "Call on me, baby All you got to do now" "No more lonely nights Will you be alone" "All you got to do is pick up your telephone And dial, baby 634-5789" " That's my number - 634-5789" "Oh, I'll be right there" "Just as soon as I can" "If I be a little bit late now" "I hope that you'll understand Oh yeah" "634-5789" "If you need a little lovin'" "You can call on me, yeah" "If you want some of my kissin'" "Call on me You better believe you can" "No more lonely nights Will you be alone" "All you got to do is call me on the telephone" " And dial - 634-5789" " That's my number, baby - 634-5789 634-5789" " That's our number - 634-5789" " That's our number, baby - 634-5789" "If you need to make a change" " Then call Ed's Love Exchange - 634-5789" "Charlie, Charlie, would I lie to you?" "Charlie, take it easy." "That's all in the past, Charlie." "He hung up on me." "A lot of burnt bridges, Mr. Blues." "Look, I know you can book us somewhere." "Maury, you're still the best." "You ever heard of Queen Mousette?" "The Louisiana witch, Queen Mousette?" "That's her." "She's got a Battle of the Bands thing going on down at her club." "Big cash prize." "Your band wins, I get 15 % of the take." "Okay?" "I'll book you a couple of guest gigs on the way down south to Louisiana." "Golly, thanks, Mr. Sline." "Let go of me." "Sorry." "One more thing." "You're gonna have to audition for Queen Mousette." "Say nothing to the boys about this." "We'll call you from the road, find out where our first gig is." "Just be careful, Elwood." "Alan Rubin." "Mr. Fabulous." "The Blues Brothers Band." "Ah, you're going to love them." "They're absolutely sensational." "Really sensational." "It's a great blues band." "Yeah, blues band." "No, no, blues, not bluegrass." "You don't want a blues band?" "Bluegrass." "Yeah." "They're..." "They're the Bluegrass Brothers, as a matter of fact." "They're wonderful." "They kill the people." "They just absolutely pulverize an audience." "They're sensational." "You're going to call and thank me." "They're just wonderful." "The Bluegrass Brothers." "All right, guys." "Our first date is at the county fair in a town called Cynthiana, Kentucky." "And then we have this mystery gig here in Louisiana." "Mystery gig?" "Hey, Elwood, you got the keys to the trunk?" "It's full." " I haven't played a county fair since '68." " Sounds like a lot of laughs." "Hey, we're doing all right." "We're back on the road again." "Yeah, who are you, Willie Nelson?" "I'm riding with Elwood." "Go right ahead, Mr. Thrill Seeker." "Excuse me, sir." "Didn't you used to be Elwood Blues?" "Who wants to know?" "I've been listening to your stuff since I was a kid." "Yeah, so?" "My friends and I, we got this band." "We're rehearsing just on the other side of the motel office." "It would be so cool and it would mean so much to me if you could come listen to us play." "Sure." "Why don't you go ahead and get started and I'll be along in a minute." "Great." "Let's highball!" "I wanna show you That anything is possible" "I said I wanna show you That your wildest dreams can come true" "And I swear someday I'm gonna figure out how to do just that" "But until then I guess trying is all I can do" "I say maybe you're wrong Thinking you want something better" "I say maybe you're wrong But just maybe, maybe I'm right" "Oh, maybe you're wrong Thinking you want something better" "I say maybe I'm wrong Thinking you got a problem" "Making it through the night" "I say maybe you're wrong But just maybe, maybe I'm right" "Mr. Blues?" " It's been almost seven days, Mother Mary." " We must call the police." " Think of poor Buster." " Kidnapping is a federal offense." "I suppose you're right." "We should call the police." "Sir." "What?" "We just received a call from Our Lady of the Annunciation Hospital." "Elwood Blues has kidnapped a child." "Roachdale 31." " Wait." " Come on, man." "I got a cheeseburger cooling." "Buster, I'm sorry." "Now you're gonna have to see a bad side of me." "Mack, your shaving cream, please." "So, none of you is driving the Ford out there?" "No." "And whose dry white toast is that?" "Run for your lives!" "My God, help us!" "Somebody help us!" "He's having an attack!" "It's this puffball bacteria!" "It's extremely contagious!" "What in the Sam Hill?" "Run away!" "Oh, God!" "It's puffball bacteria!" "It's contagious!" "Save yourselves!" "Save yourselves!" "Save yourselves!" "Save yourselves!" "Hot damn!" "That's quite a trick." "Trick?" "That white-trash ex-con invented criminally evasive driving." "He kidnapped a little..." "Get after him!" "Murph?" "Go ahead." "See you at the gig." "Where is the gig?" "County fairgrounds, off Route 107, in Cynthiana, Kentucky." "11:00 p.m. tomorrow night." "See you there." "How the hell is he gonna get there with half the cops in the state after him?" "Hey, wait a minute." "Don't I know you boys from somewhere?" "Check, please." "We have to get off this road." "They've called ahead by now, and you can't outrun a Motorola." "Two miles down we get off this, get on County Road 245 through Mariah Hill." "That'll get us close to the Ohio River and the state line." "We gotta lose them first." " You passed the turn." " I know." "You're hoping they lost interest?" "Commander, this is Agent Peters and Agent Bowman, FBI." "Good to have you aboard." "This Elwood Blues is a menace to decent people everywhere." "We'll get him, sir." "That's a promise." "I have every lawman in two states on this border." "Let him just try and get through this roadblock." "Roll up your windows." " How long can we stay down here?" " How long can you hold your breath?" "Am I right?" "Yes, sir!" "I said, am I right?" "Yes, sir!" "I can't hear you!" "Yes, sir!" "Now y'all might think we're just a group of sad, sorry sumbitches out here in a field, jerking each other off." "Or you might just think that we know something." "I'm gonna tell you something else." "The federal government has a computer." "This computer is wired to a computer in Jerusalem and Moscow." "There's something in the river, Mr. Robertson." "Where?" "I saw something under the water, sir." "Son." "It's okay to be nervous." "Okay?" "There are enough explosives in that boat to blow up every post office in this country, you know." "But no one knows we're here." "No one knows our plans." "Hey!" "You guys having a picnic?" "Don't shoot!" "You might hit the boat!" "What boat?" "That's the international Jewish communist conspiracy in action, people." "One of their spy satellites must have picked up our location." "Kill them!" "Uh-oh." " Did you hear something?" " Nope." "You sure they'll show up?" "Sline said they're booked here." "They'll show up." "More stunts coming right up and there's only 20 minutes until the wonderful Bluegrass Brothers." "These will make us look a lot more bluegrass." "I'm gonna fake some fiddle on my keyboard." "We go on after the last car stunt." "How are Elwood, Mack and the kid gonna make it to the stage with all the police around?" "I like the car this color, Elwood." "It's temporary camouflage, that's all." "All right." "Go on." "Lots of heat here, El." "Maybe we ought to skip this gig and move on to the next one?" "That would be unprofessional." "Park it somewhere dark." "And now the Devildrivers star, Rick Avery, does the triple-ramp loop through the ring of fire!" "And now the county fair is proud to present tonight's musical entertainment, the Kentucky Bluegrass Brothers!" "What's with the hats and beards?" "You look like ZZ Top." "Sline booked us in here as a bluegrass band." "Well, thank you so much, and howdy." "Howdy!" "Howdy." "Howdy!" "It's good to see your smiling faces tonight." "We'd like to see you just a little bit closer." "Why don't you come down out of them there stands?" "Come on, everybody, right close to the stage." "Bluegrass?" "Riders." "Duck, give me a mountain tempo in A minor." "That old cowpoke went riding off One dark and windy day" "Upon a ridge he rested As he went along his way" "When all at once a mighty herd Of red-eyed cows he saw" "A-plowing through the ragged skies" "And up a cloudy draw" "Yippie-ai-aye" "Yippie-ai-oh" "The ghost herd in the sky" "Their brands were still on fire And their hooves were made of steel" "Excuse me." "Thank you." "Take your men behind the stage." "A bolt of fear went through them as they thundered through the sky" "For they saw the riders coming hard" "And they heard their mournful cry" "Yippie-ai-aye" "Yippie-ai-oh" "Ghost riders in the sky" "Their faces gaunt, their eyes were blurred Their shirts all soaked with sweat" "They're riding hard to catch that herd But they ain't caught them yet" "'Cause they got to ride forever In that range up in the sky" "On horses snorting fire" "As they ride on, hear their cry" "Yippie-ai-aye" "Yippie-ai-oh" "Ghost riders in the sky" "Step aside!" "Coming through!" "Excuse me." "As the riders loped on by him he heard one call his name" "If you want to save your soul from hell a-riding on our range" "Then, cowboy, change your ways today or with us you will ride" "Trying to catch the devil's herd across these endless skies" "Look out!" "Ghost riders in the sky" "Everybody into the Bluesmobile!" "Stop them!" "And now, right here on our stage..." "Elwood!" "Let's have a really big hand for the Netherlandia Clog Dancers!" "We'll get them, sir." "Sline says their next job is at a place called Queen Mousette's." "Queen Mousette's." "That's it." "She's bone dry." "I'd like to be." "Let me out of here." "Where are we?" "Five miles north of Panther Burn, Mississippi." "So, what's the plan?" "We start walking." "What's the point?" "I say we turn around." "Hey, Elwood, I think we've got a rebellion on our hands." "Why?" "What do you mean?" "Why don't you give the boys a motivational speech?" "So, you all want to quit?" "Well, honestly, who can blame you?" "I guess I've dragged you down as far as living humans can go." "All right." "Fine." "Bye." "I understand." "So, what happens now?" "I don't know, kid." "I guess it's over." "Go away, kid." "This is not being a very good mentor." "I ain't your mentor." "I don't even know what it means." "Just do me a favor and go away." "You're not the Elwood Blues I know." "The Elwood Blues I know once said that no pharmaceutical product could ever equal the rush you get when the band hits that groove, and the people are dancing and shouting and swaying and the house is rocking." "Yeah, that was me." "The music, man." "You know you miss the music." "Thanks, Buster." "You may go if you wish." "Remember this." "Walk away now and you walk away from your crafts, your skills, your vocations, leaving the next generation with nothing but recycled digitally sampled techno grooves, quasi-synth rhythms, pseudo songs of violence-laden gangster rap, acid pop and simpering, saccharine, soulless slush." "Depart now and you forever separate yourselves from the vital American legacies of Robert Johnson, Muddy Waters, Willie Dixon," "Jimmy Reed, Memphis Slim, Blind Boy Fuller, Louis Jordan," "Little Walter, Big Walter, Sonny Boy Williamson 1 and 2," "Otis Redding, Jackie Wilson, Elvis Presley, Leiber and Stoller, and Robert K. Weiss." "Who is Robert K. Weiss?" "Turn your backs now and you snuff out the fragile candles of blues, RB and soul, and when those flames flicker and expire, the light of the world is extinguished because the music which has moved mankind through seven decades, leading to the millennium," "will wither and die on the vine of abandonment and neglect." "Oh, shit." "Go ahead, cats." "I'll get gas." "Hey, look." "A circus." "Nope." "It's a tent revival meeting." "Excuse me, ma'am." "Who will be preaching the good word this afternoon?" "Why, that would be the Right Reverend Cleophus James from Chicago." "The Cleophus James of the Triple Rock Baptist Church?" "From Chicago." "That's right." "Hey, I know him." "He'll give us gas money." "We'll meet you guys inside." "Okay, thanks." "Keep an eye on them." "Just don't make a move until we get there." "Sir, that was the local sheriff down in Panther Burn." "The Blues gang was just spotted at a revival meeting." "Excellent." "And now, all you people of the faith, are you ready for the word?" "Are you ready for the word?" "I'm ready!" "Then let us begin with a sweet song of meditation from our own Reverend Morris and the Tent Revival Choir." " Who's that writing?" " John the Revelator" "He wrote the book of the seven seals" "Yes, tell me, who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" " Tell me, who's that writing?" " John the Revelator" "Tell me, who's that writing?" "John the Revelator Wrote the book of the seven seals" "God walked down a hill one day" "Called Adam by his name" "Adam wouldn't answer" "'Cause he was naked and ashamed" " Tell me, who's that writing?" " John the Revelator" "Tell me, who's that writing?" "John the Revelator Wrote the book of the seven seals" " You know, Christ" " Christ" " Twelve apostles" " Spirit willing" " Three he led away" " But the flesh was weak" "He said, "Watch with me while I walk" ""For I go yonder and pray" Listen" " When Christ rose" " Christ" " On Easter morning" " Hallelujah" " Mary and Martha came down to see" " The resurrection" "He said, "Go and tell my disciples" ""To meet me in Galilee"" " Yeah, who's that writing?" " John the Revelator" "Who's that writing?" "John the Revelator" " Tell me, who's that writing?" " John the Revelator" "Who's that writing?" "Stop the music." "Those men are criminals and they're under arrest." " It's Reverend Cleophus!" " Preach the word!" "He who is without sin cast the first stone." "Amen!" "Say it again." "You tell him, Reverend." "For are not all men alike in their boundless capacity for sin?" "Yes!" "Can you not forgive?" " Yes!" " Yes!" "Thank you, Jesus!" "Can you not embrace those who have wronged you?" "You get on your knees and you pray." "You get on your knees and you pray," "O Lord, forgive me." "But you don't want to forgive your brother, who you see every day." "Look to yourself for the redemption you seek!" "And acknowledge your own precious blood." "Acknowledge your own precious blood!" "I want you to invoke its calling in the blessed name." "Invoke the calling of the blood." "Invoke the calling of the blood!" " Invoke the calling of the blood." " Invoke the calling of the blood." "Invoke the calling of the blood." "The calling of the blood." "Yes." "I understand." "I totally, absolutely, completely, positively understand." "This is my God-given destiny!" " Tell me why I'm shouting" " John the Revelator" "Wrote the book of the seven seals" " Tell me what I'm shouting" " John the Revelator" "Wrote the book of the seven seals" " Tell me why I'm shouting" " John the Revelator" "Tell me why I'm shouting" "John the Revelator Wrote the book of the seven seals" " Tell me what I'm shouting" " John the Revelator" "Wrote the book of the seven seals" "The revelation of Jesus" "You know, I thought I was a policeman" "The revelation of Jesus" "An officer of the law" "The revelation of Jesus" " But then I had a revelation" " The revelation of Jesus" "Because of what I saw" "The revelation of Jesus" "My life was always so easy" "The revelation of Jesus" "Everything was black and white" "The revelation of Jesus" " But now I see all the colors" " The revelation of Jesus" " Of all the day and all the night" " The revelation of Jesus" " Jesus" " Jesus" "The revelation of Jesus" " I thought that Elwood was funny" " The revelation of Jesus" " Peculiar, just plain odd" " The revelation of Jesus" " But now I see that he's brought me" " The revelation of Jesus" " Closer and closer to my God" " The revelation of Jesus" " My outlook always so gloomy" " The revelation of Jesus" " My day was dull and gray" " The revelation of Jesus" " But now I see very clearly" " The revelation of Jesus" " Oh, happy day" " The revelation of Jesus" " Jesus" " Jesus" " The revelation of Jesus" " Jesus" " My, my, my, my, my" " My, my, my, my" "My, my, my, my, my, my" "My, my, my, my God" "It's a trick!" "They've brainwashed the commander!" "Get them!" "The revelation of Jesus" "Get to the Bluesmobile!" "The revelation of Jesus The revelation of Jesus" " Jesus" " The revelation of Jesus" "The revelation of Jesus, Jesus, Jesus" "Let's go." "Come on!" "I see, I know, I get it, Elwood!" "This is my calling." "The calling of the blood!" "Elwood, look!" "Don't look back." "Look out!" "Dispatch, 22, where are you?" "Come in." "Twenty-two, do you read me?" "Forty-five." "Come in, 45." "Twenty-seven, where are you?" "Did we get them?" "This is what I'm supposed to be doing!" "All of us!" "Music, song, dance." "I mean, after all, that's why the military and the police exist." "To protect the artists of the world." "All we have to do now is win this Battle of the Bands." "Battle of the Bands?" "We gotta audition first." "Fine!" "Audition." "We'll slay them." "At least we're safe now to do what we do in peace and comfort." "Blues Brothers Band." "What the hell is this place?" "It's where we audition." "The Plantation Club." "Queen Mousette's." "So that's why all the mystery." "Yeah, man, she's a cannibal." "The biggest, ugliest, meanest voodoo witch." "She's 130 years old." "She's a 130-year-old voodoo witch who eats people?" "The Lord works in mysterious ways." "What happens if we don't pass this audition?" "Queen Mousette will receive you now." "Queen Mousette." "I thought you said she was old and ugly." "lx-nay on the ugly-nay." "Your Majesty, the Blues Brothers Band." "You remove your hat and show respect." "I like that." "Arise." "Thanks, Queen." "So, you wish to enter the Battle of the Bands contest?" "We wish to win first prize." "You must qualify." "Yes." "You must audition for me." "Where are your instruments?" "Well, ma'am, you see, there was this kind of a..." "Never mind." "Is there anything in particular you would like to hear this evening, Your Highness?" "Yes." "Do something Caribbean." "Ma'am, we're the Blues Brothers." "We do blues, rhythm and blues, jazz, funk, soul." "We can handle rock, pop, country, heavy metal, fusion, hip-hop, rap, Motown, operetta, show tunes." "In fact, we've even been called upon, on occasion, to do a polka." "However, Caribbean is a type of music, I regret to say, which has not been, is simply not, nor will ever be, a part of this band's repertoire." "Nassau's gone funky" "Nassau's gone soul" "We've got a doggone beat now" "We're gonna call our very own" "Nassau rock" "And Nassau roll" "Nassau got" "A whole lot of soul" "Feel all right" "Miniskirts, maxi skirts and Afro-haired dudes" "People doing their own thing" "They don't care about me or you" "Nassau's gone funky" "Nassau's gone soul" "And we've got a doggone beat now" "We're gonna take care of business, too" "New York, you know" "Has got a lot of soul Soul" "And London town" "Is too doggone cold Too cold" "Nassau's got sunshine" "And this you all know" "But we all go funky" "We got some soul, too" " Funky Nassau" " All day" "Funky Nassau" "Come on" "Funky Nassau" "Funky Nassau" " Sing it, children" " Funky Nassau" "Funky Nassau, funky Nassau" "Get into funky" "Hear, hear" "Don't stop singing Get funky" "Get funky" "Funky" " Hit me!" " See, that's what I'm talking about now." "That's funky!" "Thank you." "What was that?" "Elwood?" "You may enter the contest tomorrow night." "We're in, Elwood, let's get out of here." "El?" "Mack?" "Cab?" "Wonderful." "This fax just came in for you, ma'am." "That Battle of the Bands is at Queen Mousette's tonight." " Let's roll!" " All right, let's go." "Please, now, if you will, a hot Mousette's welcome for Mr. Malvern Gasperon" "and the Louisiana Gator Boys." "Louisiana Gator Boys?" "Look at them." "A bunch of wannabe players." "How good could a mess like that sound anyway?" "Hey, man, don't worry about it." "We're gonna smoke them turkeys." "Been downhearted, baby" "Ever since the day we met" "I've been downhearted, baby" "Ever since the day we met" "Our love is nothing but the blues" "Baby, how blue can you get?" "My love is like a fire" "Your love is like a cigarette" "My love is like a fire" "I said yours is like a cigarette" "I watched you step down on it, baby And crush it" "Tell me how, tell me how" "How blue can you get?" "You're evil when I'm with you" "And you are jealous when we're apart" "Yes, you're evil when I'm with you, baby" "Lord have mercy You're jealous when we're apart" "How blue can you get?" "The answer's right here in my heart" "I gave you a brand-new Ford" "But you said, "I want a Cadillac"" "I bought you a $10 dinner" "You said, "Thanks for the snack"" "I let you live in my penthouse" "You said it was just a shack" "No, she didn't" " I gave you seven children" " What did she do?" "And now you wanna give them back" "I been downhearted, baby" "Ever since the day we met" "Our love is nothing but the blues" "Baby, how blue can you get?" "They're still zombies." "What are we gonna do?" "We got no choice now." "We just gotta play." "And now our final band of the evening, from Chicago, Illinois, the Blues Brothers Show Band!" "...has not been, is not, nor will ever be, a part of this band's repertoire." "Blues Brothers Band." "Look at them." "A bunch of wannabe players." "How good's a mess like that gonna sound anyway?" "Hey, man, don't worry about it." "We're gonna smoke them turkeys." "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." "Welcome to Queen Mousette's Battle of the Bands." "We're your next contestants, the Blues Brothers Show Band." "Hope you like us." "Without a warning you broke my heart" "You took it, darling, and you tore it apart" "You left me sitting in the dark, crying" "You said your love for me was dying" "I'm begging you, baby Baby, please" "Turn on the light Let it shine on me" "Turn on your love light Let it shine on me" "Let it shine, shine, shine Let it shine" "I get a little lonely In the middle of the night" "I need you, darling Make things all right" "Come on, baby Come on, please" "Come on, baby Baby, please" "Turn on the light Let it shine on me" "Turn on your love light Let it shine on me" " I said a little bit higher" " A little bit higher, a little bit higher" " Just a little bit higher" " A little bit higher" "A little bit higher" "Come on, baby Come on, please" "I'm begging you, baby I'm down on my knees" " Turn on the light" " Turn on the light" " Let it shine on me" " Let it shine on me" " Turn on your love light" " Turn on your love light" " Let it shine on me" " Let it shine on me" " I feel all right" " I feel all right" "I feel all right" "Let it shine, shine, shine" "Let it shine" "Shine" "Yeah" "Love Light." "The Blues Brothers." "All right." "And now it is time for you, the audience, to decide." "When I hold up my left hand, I want to hear the applause for the Blues Brothers." "When I hold up my right hand, I want to hear the applause for the Louisiana Gator Boys." "First, the Blues Brothers." "The Louisiana Gator Boys!" "That's me!" "The Louisiana Gator Boys!" "What do you mean by this?" "We don't want any trouble." "Just give us the Blues Brothers." "Russians!" "I told you them sumbitches were communists." "Shoot them!" "Enough!" "You try any of that boojie-boojie crap on me, I'm gonna tell you what." "Police!" "Coming through!" "Step aside!" "Police!" "Coming through." "Commander!" "I'm okay." "I'm okay." "I'm with the band now." "It's good to see you again, Elwood." "It's great to see you, Mr. Gasperon." "You seem to be doing all right in your new career." "Would you gentlemen care to jam?" "What do you think, Eric?" "Why not?" "One, two, one, two, three." "I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah" "I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah" "I said hey, hey, hey, yeah" "Come on, everybody Take a trip with me" "Well, down the Mississippi Down in New Orleans" "They got honeysuckle blooming on a honeysuckle vine" "And love is a-blooming there all the time" "Well, every southern belle is a Mississippi queen" "Down the Mississippi Down to New Orleans" "I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah" "I said hey, hey, hey, yeah" "Come on, take a stroll down to Basin Street" "Listen to that music with the Dixieland beat" "Well, the magnolia blossoms fill the air" "And you ain't been to heaven Till you been down there" "They got French moss hanging A big oak tree" "Get out of here Jimmie Vaughan, take it" "I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah" "I said hey, hey, hey, yeah" "Come on, everybody, take a trip with me" "Down the Mississippi Down to New Orleans, yeah, yeah" "Where the honeysuckle hanging on a honeysuckle vine" "Well, love is blooming there all the time" "Every southern belle is a Mississippi queen" "Down the Mississippi Down to New Orleans" "Well, kid, I guess it's time to say goodbye." " I'm not going with them." " You can't stay with Elwood." "They think he kidnapped you." "But they're wrong." "It would be hard to convince them of that." "He's right, Buster." "If I go back with them, they'll put me in some foster home with people who don't love me." "They'll put you back in jail, and I'll never see you again." "And we'll both be sad forever." "So, what do we do?" "We're all brothers now, right?" "Right." "You guys stay here and distract them." "I'll kidnap Elwood." "Good luck." "Catch up with you down the road." "Further on up the road." "Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah" "Said look out, child, hey, yeah, yeah" "Stop that mound of moss!" "The Lord does work in mysterious ways, Elwood." "Yep." "Put on your seat belt." "They got French moss hanging from a big oak tree" "Down the Mississippi Down to New Orleans" "I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah" "Every southern belle is a Mississippi queen" "Down the Mississippi Down to New Orleans" "I said look out, child, hey, hey, yeah" "Come on, take a stroll down to Basin Street" "And listen to the music of the Dixieland beat" "Yeah, the magnolia blossoms really fill the air" "And you ain't been to heaven if you ain't been there" "They got French moss hanging from a big oak tree" "Down the Mississippi Down to New Orleans" "I said hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah" "Come on, everybody, take a trip with me" "Down the Mississippi Down to New Orleans, hit me" "They got honeysuckle blooming on a honeysuckle vine" "And love is a-blooming there all the time" "You know every southern belle is a Mississippi queen" "Down the Mississippi Down to New Orleans" "Well, come on, take a stroll down to Basin Street" "And listen to the music with the Dixieland beat" "Well, the magnolia blossoms really fill the air" "And you ain't been to heaven if you ain't been there" "They got French moss hanging from a big-ass tree" "Down the Mississippi Down to New Orleans" "I am leaving." "Please, please, please" " Please, please, don't go" " Please, please, please" "Please, please, don't go" "Honey, please, don't go, don't go" "I love you so" "Please, please, don't go" "Please, please, please" " Please, please, please" " Please, please, don't go" "Please, please, don't" " I love you so" " Please, please, don't go" " Take my hand" " Please, please, don't go" "I want to be your lover man" " Please, please, don't go" " Yeah, good God Almighty" "Please, please" " I love you so" " Please, please don't go" "Please, don't go" "Honey, please, don't go, don't go" "I love you so, please" "Please, please, please"