"Is this all you have?" "A notebook?" "Yes, I wrote it, but it was 16 ... 17 years ago," "I was a boy." "I just graduated." "What am I doing here?" "Why did they sent me to this Godforsaken  backwoods?" "I'm not a doctor." "I'm nothing but a butcher." "Doctor, this is Pelageya." "Do not let her distract you." "No, I... won't." "You know, she's not as ugly as I remembered." "Still I can't believe, actually..." "Where the hell did she go, with that morphine?" " You're going to take it!" " Is that a problem?" "I can't do this for two years, nor will be able to cope." " All I want is the gargle." " I'll just take the drops." " Are you out of gargle?" " Leopold Leopoldovic... he was at work from dawn till dusk." " Was is he?" " I need to see the doctor!" "I believe duty calls." "A Young Doctor's Notebook Episode 03" "MOSCOW, 1934" "Morphine withdrawal is an unpleasant business." "Anxiety, depression... nausea, insomnia... muscle spasms, high blood pressure... rapid weight loss... frequent and uncontrollable bowel movements... involuntary ejaculation." "March 1917." "Greetings, comrade doctor." "Forgive my lack of correspondence, but these are extraordinary times we live in" "The Tsar is gone and revolution is in the air" "What is the reaction in Mur'eva?" "Oh are indeed blessed to be young and in Russia" "I have joined the bolsheviks" "My comrades and I talk and drink all day, and make love all night and all morning." "Abandoning medicine is the best decision I have ever made." "The whole world is sick." "What good can a doctor do?" "But then I did not score fifteen fives in the public examinations as you did." "I was never destined to become a great doctor as you are." "Apologies again for not writing sooner, but I trust this letter finds you well and in good spirits, and I hope that some of this unseasonably warm Petrograd weather... makes it to your neck of the woods." "Happy birthday, Jurov." "It was my birthday three weeks ago," " ... and it was wretched." " Right, he sent it four weeks ago, but ... you know what the post is like." "Even letters don't want to be sent here." "Come on..." "I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the greetings cards come..." "Flatting in." "And you know what mother is like." "She's..." "Well, she's got a lot of children." " Have you seen the cigarettes?" " In the drawer." " I feel nauseous." " Yeah I don't feel too special myself." "I hope it's just indigestion... or  something operable." "I need to see a doctor." ""Extraordinary times"... not for me!" ""Revolution is in the air"... no, here it isn't." "All we have in the air is snow." "Nothing but snow." "And that was three weeks ago." ""What did you do in the Revolution, Father?" "Revolution"?" "What Revolution?" "Nobody asked me about a revolution!" "I helped stupid peasants in a small hospital outside a  tiny village in the middle of nowhere." "Are there really, no cigarettes?" "Not now." "Mmmh..." "Right." "I'm..." "I'm going to the shop." " The shop?" " Yes, to buy cigarettes and a newspaper." " Would you like anything?" " You do know where the shop is, don't you?" " No, I don't, where is it?" " Grachevka." "It's half a day there, and half a day back." "Right." "Ehm..." "I'd better pack." " Going to anywhere nice?" " No." "Actually, I don't..." "I don't know." "Is Grachevka nice?" "I doubt it." "Oh, yes!" ""The Bright Light of Grachevka."" "I'm told it hangs outside of the house of the Postmaster." "You should ask for help to pack." "I said you'd not see out the winter." "No, no, I'm just off to Grachevka." "Not in this weather." "Yes, but it's always this weather." "Isn't it?" "If I wait to the snow to melt I'll never set the foot out of the hospital, will I?" "Come on, It's not that ridiculous for a man to travel to Grachevka?" "For a man, no." "But you will freeze to death." "We're out of cigarettes and i need to read a newspaper." "You want to go to the shop?" "Yes, but don't tell me that's ridiculous to go to a shop." " Yes." "The shop is closed." " What time does it open?" "August." "It'd be nice to get out of here." "If only for a day." "See the sights." "The military graveyard in Gavrilova it's three days from here." "It's a good point." "I can lend you a pipe, if you'd like, until the provisions come." "And pinch of tobacco." "Don't forget I've ordered a case of pickles sprats." "We've still have a birthday to celebrate" "I can't do that, and I barely can turn this up." "While this one  it is absolutely right." "It's battling." "But then..." "I'm not a doctor, am I?" "You are." "Right... oh yes, definitely." "I'm just... can't quite decide what's the best course of action to take." "gargle or... the drops." "Would the gargle work on my elbow?" "You're right." "Good point." "Drops it is." "Is that the stomach pains, again?" "No, no..." "I just finished" "I see." "I'm sure, if you do it again, it will be better." "You don't umm.." "You don't have anything for a peptic ulcer, do you?" "Yes, I have drops." "Umm, please?" "Thank you." "For the drops." "Thank you" "They're here!" " The pickle sprats are here." " oh, yeah..." "I was just..." "And the cigarettes, I'll be right there!" "It's not the sprats," " It's just a dead girl." " Please, doctor..." "She's dying!" "I thought you said she was "dead"." "Her throat is blocked." "How long she's been like this?" "Five days." "Five days?" "Do you realize you almost certainly killed her?" "What you've been doing for five days?" "There's nothing to do around here, for one day." "Do you have a newspaper?" "I can't read." "Five days, you stupid witch, now it's my problem." "do you have cigarettes?" "Typical." "Bring her in." "God, you just give her drops." "Drops!" "What is it with you people and drops?" "Drops do nothing!" "Doctors only give drops when they have no idea know what else to do!" "Is there anything in there?" "Oh, dear..." "Well, she's dying." "I can't believe she's not dead already." "I have to operate." "I have to cut open her throat and insert a metal tube." " No!" " Grab her and let's go!" "Stop!" "Who are you?" "Get off me." "It's alrigh, doctor." "I think she's with them." "I don't care, this witch is throttling me." " Feldscher, grab some..." " Chloroform." "How can you be so strong, in this country?" " Can we just have the doctor..." " You have to let the doctor operate!" "Fine." "No consent, no operate." "Fine by me." "Or, perhaps you'd like another five days... to think about it." "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "I just though i'd clean up." "You ain't got any trousers on." "Right, no." "This yeah..." "I had a little accident." "Did you know the mangle is broken?" " I do now." " Doctor." " Doctor." " What have I done now?" "Your attempt seems to have worked... this time." " They consented?" " Yes." " Great." "That's all I need." "Inject the camphor." "Oh God, you know, I really think I might have appendicitis." "Oh don't be silly." "It's probably just gas." "I didn't give consent, she did." "Give her more chloroform." "I gave her enough to nockout a horse." "There's enough left to knockout an elephant." "What are you doing?" "These are my going out trousers." "Only clear pair I could find." "And going out where?" "I don't think the Bolshoi is coming to Grachevka." "I don't know if you're right there..." "Ah!" "You keep doing that!" "Now I am..." "I don't think I can do this." "It's only a tracheotomy." " You cut ope the throat..." " Oh no, no, I mean all of this!" "Hours and hours of staring at the snow, only interrupted by bora." "I long for a knock at the door that is not a dying patient, but... the Dean of Faculty." "And he regretfully informs me of a clerical error." "Turns out I don't have 15 fives, in fact I failed all of my public examination." "I scored a record low." "And then he strips me my medical degree and I'm banished from this place and... as punishment, I'm forced to return to the bright lights and  the happiest sounds of Moscow." "Well, they'll strip you your medical degree, if you'll let too many patients die on the operating table." "Really?" "No, I can't do that." "How many is too many?" "Nope, that's not what you meant..." " You can't let her die!" " I'm not going to kill her!" "...Or let her die." " Come on, come with me." " No!" "All right, all right, There you go." "I have a fever and I'm in so much pain I feel that not even the magnificently bearded  Leopold Leopoldovic would be able to help me." "What are you looking at?" " Are you sure yo're gonna to be able to do this, Doctor?" " No." "But there's no one else, is that?" "There's no other doctor for a hundred verstes." "But that's not true, is it?" "I know three at Nikolskaya, so there's no other doctor for 87 verstes." "But I take your point." "She's beautiful." "Gauze!" "Gauze!" " Stop, mother!" " You call yourself a doctor?" "Oh well it's an interesting distinction actually, I'm a field doctor..." "It's not in here!" "She doesn't have a windpipe!" "I can't..." "I can't find it." "It's not in here!" "It doesn't make any sense, it's not like this in medical textbooks!" "Where is it?" "You might want to use a bigger knife." "He's a murderer!" "That you did willfully... and with malicious forethought... stab a girl to death!" " I was trying to help her!" " You stabbed her three times!" "But I'm a doctor, and I think I have a stomach tumor!" "You're not a doctor!" "You're a murderer!" "A ripper!" "I hereby declare, you are no longer fit to practice medicine!" "Thank you!" "Your honour, thank you!" "There it is." "Hooks, feldsher, hooks!" "Ah, thank you, mother  Anna." "Sorry." "It's all right, I'm back!" "Stomach pains?" "No, I was..." "I just  finished." " Oh!" "In my going out trousers?" " I didn't do it on purpose." "Involuntary ejaculation." "Come along, Doctor." "I think it's straight to bed for you." "Perhaps you really are ill." "Sorry." "Honestly, Doctor, you need to take better care of yourself!" "Help!" "It's my mother!" "She's outside!" "Oh, deer!" "He's not the sprat man!" "You said you wanted to get out of the hospital." "Doctor!" "Over here!" "What are you doing out here?" "This is no place to give birth." "My father wouldn't give me the horse!" "He said: you're a healthy woman, it's only five verstes." "He needs the horse!" " It's in transverse lie, Doctor." " Right." "Podalic version." "It's all right." "He has done this once before." "I broke his arm." "Come on, Doctor, you have no reason to feel bad." "He was already dead." "I'm not a butcher..." "I am a murderer." "I don't take this anymore!" "What are you doing?" "What does it look like?" " You don't want to do that." " Why not?" "Doesn't it work?" " No, no, it works." " Then I'm doing it." "It has to be better than dough and drops." "You have no idea what you're doing." "I am a doctor, I can handle it." "No you can't." "You only think you can because you've never taken it." "It's a medicine." "I..." "I give this to children!" "Only if you want to saw off their legs!" " I'm in so much pain!" " Then suffer!" "Because this, is far worse." "it will take you ... to a lush meadow with the high summer where you lie in the soft grass, and bask in the sun." "And feel nothing but bliss." "And you will never want to return to this frozen pisshole in the snow." "I have to get out of here." "It will never this good again." "Ah, it's incredible!" "I..." "I have never seen anything like it." "I..." "I have loss of words." "It's moments like these I dreamt of in medical school." "I can't find absolutely no sign of infection whatsoever." "It's undoubted that your husband is in an advanced stage of syphilis, and yet..." "You're untouched." "Great, it's so nice to be able to give a patience good news for once." "That lying bastard!" "I hope the dirty pig dies a slow painful death!" "He will." "Ehm..." "Pickle sprat?"