"You can't go around killing steers just because you think they're dragons." "Don Quixote, what in the world are we gonna do with you?" "Touché!" "Temper, Senor Rondelli, temper, temper, temper." "Now that you've won me, Paladin, what do you intend to do with me?" "Well, I have been giving that some medieval thought." "Mr. Paladin." "Telegram." "Well, what is it?" ""My father Don Esteban Caloco del Gutierrez has lost his mind."" "Does he expect you to find it for him?" ""In his present condition," ""he is dangerous both to his friends and strangers." ""My sister and I can do nothing with him." "We need your help." "Alejandro Del Prado Caloco."" "Hey Boy, I want a horse saddled in front of the hotel when I come downstairs." "What are you gonna do with the lovely lady?" "Hey Boy." "I'm afraid you will have to defend her against the amorous Senor Rondelli." "As far as you can see, Mr. Paladin, is my father's land, my father's cattle, my father's barns and his houses and his people." "They depend upon him for their living." "Do you understand me?" "I think so, Mr. Caloco." "My father is no longer in any position to fulfill these responsibilities." "Why me?" "You could have him declared incompetent by any doctor, and then you could have administered his estates yourself." "First, I must find him." "He's been gone a week." "Have you looked?" "Well, no." "The fact is, Father doesn't trust me." "He's even attacked me on several occasions." "He's violent." "He's strong and agile for man his age." "You're afraid of your father?" "Afraid?" "It's a nightmare with me." "He's a formidable opponent." "What if I should have to shoot to protect myself?" "I can't reason with him." "I'd have to defend myself." "We haven't sent a posse for that reason." "There isn't a man in the county who want my father's blood on his hands." "But as a stranger, I'm elected, because it doesn't matter if I have your father's blood on my hands?" "You don't want to understand me, Mr. Paladin." "He sees an old friend of years ago, all he remembers is some little argument." "He forgets everything else." "The old friend is his enemy." "But to you, a stranger, he can be neutral." "I've brought father's medicine." "He left without it." "Would you take it to him?" "What's the matter?" "My sister, Dulcinea." "I thought he might be able to help, but..." "I haven't made up my mind." "Mr. Paladin, this poor old man is going to kill himself if someone doesn't kill him first." "I want him back." "He needs us." "We need him." "Arise, Black Knight of Hades, and meet death on your feet." "Or would you, foul enchanter that you are, prefer to die upon your knees?" "Well, I think I'd prefer to rise." "May I?" "This blasted armor is so heavy I can't get up." "Are you all right?" "I'll be better on my feet." "All right." "Now you wouldn't, by any chance, be Don Esteban Gutierrez Caloco, would you?" "And you, sir, by what name are you called?" "Paladin." "Are you a knight?" "Well, in a manner of speaking." "May I tell you something?" "I am not truly a knight." "I've never been formally invested." "Your secret is safe with me." "I may even be able to help you." "Shall we away?" "There is one more thing." " What's that?" " I must find the Lady Dulcinea." "Who?" "Why, sir, a lady." "For a knight-errant without a lady love is like a tree without leaves or fruit." "A body without a soul." "If, as punishment for my sins," "I should come upon some giant hereabouts, a thing that very commonly happens to knights-errant, and if I should slay him, would it not be well to have someone to whom I may send him as a present in order that he," "if he is living, may fall upon his knees in front of my sweet lady and say," ""I, lady, am the giant Caraculiambro, lord of the island of Malindrania, who's been overcome in single combat by the knight who sent me to present myself before Your Grace that Your Highness may dispose of me" "as Your Highness sees fit?" "Feed and water these." "I'm tired." "I want a dinner and a drink." "Come on." "Be not afraid." "It is my duty to protect such highborn ladies, as you seem to be." "Laughter without good cause is a very foolish thing." "What in the blue-eyed world you dressed up for, Pop?" "Hey, Caloco, you wait out in the stable." "I'll send for Alejandro and Dulcinea and they'll be right out for you in a jiffy, you'll see." "Landlord." "He is my guest." "We'd like something to eat and something to drink." "We know him." "We'll take him off your hands." "I would like something to eat and drink." "And after that, I will sleep wherever you wish," "Dirty Dog, you take him out yonder and lock him in the stalls so he don't wander out and hurt himself." "He is my guest." "Well, now I don't want him here with the folks." "He ain't always so peaceful, you might say." " I'll be responsible." " Well, all right." "Now, Sir Knight, shall we eat?" "This is a foul place." " Yes." " Low company." " Yes." " I'm worried about my vigil." "The monster is coming, the giant Caraculiambro is coming." "I know it, I feel it, and I have to keep my vigil." "In the chapel, I must sit and watch my armor, till the dawn." "We ain't got no chapel." "Come tonight's vigil, the outside may do as well." "For what is the outdoors, with a bright bower of stars if it be not indeed God's own chapel?" "It might do." "Excuse me." "Oh, lady of great beauty, strength and vigor to this fainting heart of mine." "I now must begin my feast." "Hey, you tell him to leave off that now?" "Will you send for his son and daughter?" "Gladly." "Have you got an eye out for the old man?" "He's rich as Croesus, got about the sense of a billy goat." "He dresses up in those old iron clothes his grandpa brought across from Spain." "He thinks he's this guy in the book." " Don Quixote." " Yeah!" "Caraculiambro!" "Watch out, you old clown, or I'll knock your brains out!" "You leave off bothering her!" "For the second time." "Now that's enough." "Because I have not made my vigil, and I do not have the right." "I am not a proper knight." "You are." "That's correct." "Now you get him outta here." "Look at my chairs." "Mister, you don't know how close you came to getting your head shot off." "Or was it you?" "You couldn't leave him alone?" "Did you seriously think that he was gonna take her away from you?" "Thank you." "Take him outside and see he doesn't get into any more trouble." "Don Quixote, your vigil is about to begin." "We are fortunate that this man has saved me from shedding innocent blood." "I mistook you for another." "I commence my fast." " Now listen, Father..." " Sir, you mistake me for another." "I am Don Quixote de la Mancha." "Oh, stop this hogwash." "Father, you're not well enough to sit out all night." "Now come on, let's start back home." "Please leave me alone." "We're only trying to help you, darling." "I don't like you very much." "Like me or not, I'm your son and your heir." "Now let's start back home." "Folly and insolence!" "Dirty Dog!" "Let him up." "I'll see that nothing happens to the old man." "Here now." "He's an enchanter, and a great enemy of mine." "He knows I am to do battle with his knight and be the victor, and he can do nothing to prevent it." "He causes me all the trouble he can." "I'm warning him." "I should thank you, sir." " Alejandro," " Alejandro, what is it?" "Nothing." "I'll talk to you later." "I tell you, you don't know how difficult he can be." "Since I've been with him he's been twice badgered and backed into fighting." "I think perhaps he's right to stay on the offense." "Why did you send for me?" "He doesn't want to be cooped up, to be under someone's care." "He wishes to fight." "He believes it is his duty to subdue giants and other knights." "I thought in a manner of speaking, we might give him his wish." "It shouldn't be difficult for a man like you to provoke a fight with him." "His lance or sword, your gun." "My father's gone!" "I'm offering $1,000 to anyone who brings in my father dead." "Alejandro!" "Yes, dead." "I'm sick of it." "It's only a matter of time before he kills someone else." "$1,000, Bender, you tell it around." "No shares." "Anyone putting a bullet in my father gets the full thousand." "I'll be waiting for him at home." "Frieda, you know that little 40-acre patch I been looking at?" "It's mine." "He's angry." "He doesn't mean what he says." "Mr. Paladin!" "There it is." "Caraculiambro and his castle." "A lifetime of foul deeds stored up in stone and wood and glass." "Do you understand me?" "I don't think so, but what does it matter?" "To have a lifetime of tears and work and noble deeds and then leave to... what's your name?" "Shall I try you in battle?" "First, we fight." "His gorgon sent out to defend the approaches to his castle." "Steady, old friend." "Ready..." "Enough." "I can't tolerate this fellow much longer." "Old man, you cannot go around killing cows." "I had a nobler object next... the house and all the dreams that are in it." "Don Quixote, what are we ever gonna do with you?" "Dirty Dog, you keep him here." "I'm going up to the house." "You had your price after all." "Where's the meat?" "Caloco, I want you to get on your horse, ride out and spread the word that that bounty of yours is no good." "It's good all right." "When I sent you after my father, I figured he'd attack you, and you'd kill him." "Now I'm making sure of it." "Whether you use money or your gun, you're committing a murder." "Not much you can do about it, is there?" "I'm gonna tell you one more time, to get on a horse." "Let's go in the house first." "Have a drink and talk it over." "It wasn't your business, was it?" "You made my business, Caloco." "You hired me." " Old man." " I've made my vigil and slain a monster, and proven my courage and fortitude in battle." "Now I'm ready for you." "Old man, listen to me." "No, hear me first." "Madly he charged us, foaming in his desire to see us dead and do us harm." "Cursing the sky and his god, bravely I leveled my lance and smote him." "Now I am a true knight." "Yes, now you are a true knight." "Don Quixote de la Mancha, kneel." "By the laws of knighthood and the powers which I have wrested from the former king of this castle and the strength of all the monsters and of Caraculiambro whom I have killed," "I dub thee Knight." "Rise, Sir Knight." "Go and claim your castle." "But the monster." "Don Esteban," "I have killed your son." "I'm sorry." "Father." "Caraculiambro is dead?" "Come, my dear, let us go home." "To him your name is Sancho Panza." "He will feed you, pay you, and you will take care of him." "Say, you ain't just gonna let the old man wander off like that." "I have an idea that this Indian summer of chivalry is over." "But if anyone gets an idea to hurt him, to bait him, to push him into a fight," "I'll hear about it, and I will come back." "You might do well in the words of his favorite author, to remember "'tis a foolish thing," ""dwelling 'neath a roof of glass, to stone thy neighbors as they pass."" ""Have Gun Will Travel"" "Reads the card of a man" "A knight without armor in a savage land" "His fast gun for hire" "Heeds the calling wind" "A soldier of fortune" "Is the man called Paladin" "Paladin, Paladin, where do you roam?" "Paladin, Paladin, far, far from home"