"_" "Piper:" "And that brings us to the lobster cobb salad, which is $20." "Who ordered that?" "Alphonse:" "I did, but they left my bacon off, so..." "Piper: $20, Alphonse." "Alphonse:" "I don't carry cash." "Piper:" "Well, I'm getting separate checks from now on." "Alphonse:" "Fine." "Get separate checks." "Piper:" "You got to be kidding me-- You know I'm in a lot of debt!" "Alphonse:" "Maybe you shouldn't have bought that car!" "Trent:" "Guys!" "Can we stop bickering about lunch and go back to trying to find this missing nuclear" "Diego!" "♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "♪ oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪" "Piper:" "An MRIV nuclear warhead went missing from the facility, but there's no sign of a break-in." "Trent:" "A nuclear weapon?" "What would someone want to do with a nuclear-- [ Electricity buzzing ]" "Oh, good." "You're still alive." "Come with us if you want to keep it that way." "Alphonse:" "Who are you?" "We're the Time Angels." "A time-traveling anti-terrorist unit that travels from the future to the past to stop crime." "We're from the future to save your present." "Trent:" "Wait." "What?" "We've come to the past to stop time crimes that haven't happened yet in the future-- and never will, if we can help it." "Trent:" "Okay." "I buy it." "In three days, San Diego will be nothing but a pile of nuclear rubble." "Piper:" "This all sounds great." "I'm just wondering why you guys wouldn't come back earlier to give us more time." "Because time is like a rubber band." "You can only stretch it so much before it breaks." "Alphonse:" "Got it." "Very clear metaphor." "What we're about to tell you has never been shared with a present-er." "Leonardo Da Vinci, master artist and inventor, isn't all he's cracked up to be." "History books will tell you he's a genius who invented things that were truly before his time." "But in actuality, he's a master villain who created a time machine so he could steal futuristic inventions and claim them as his own, all because he was spurned by the beautiful Mona Lisa." "Normally, we're successful in stopping him from damaging civilization, but other times, we aren't." "The Kennedy assassination, Woodstock 2, the cancellation of "Community."" "Alphonse:" "Wait a second." " "Community" hasn't been canceled." " Not yet." "We hear Da Vinci's working with a zookeeper here in San Diego." "Alphonse:" "Looks like we're going to the zoo." "Trent:" "Just like that Cameron Crowe movie, "Jerry Maguire."" "Jump on our time slide." "We'll explain the rest when we get there." "[ Electricity buzzing ]" "Time slide!" "Time slide!" "Whee!" "Whee!" "_" "[ Electricity buzzing ]" "Trent:" "Listen up, you piece of filth." "We know what you did." "I admit it." "I put the peanut butter on my balls and let the zebra lick my ding-dong." "I love that zebra." "[ Thinking ] I loved it since the day I met him." "The zebra loves me!" "I want to have zebra babies with it." "[ Zap ]" "He's telling the truth." "Piper:" "Listen to this." "I think we got the wrong zookeeper." "That's me-- the zookeeper." "And we got a special guest on the show this morning-- a nuclear bomb." "Guess what." "I'm gonna blow it up right now." "_" "Piper:" "An MRIV nuclear warhead went missing from the facility, but there's no sign of a break-in." "Trent:" "A nuclear weapon?" "What would someone want to do with a nuclear weap" "[ Electricity buzzing ]" "Oh, good." "You're still alive." "Come with us if you want to keep it that way." "Alphonse:" "Who are you?" "Ugh." "We're the Time Angels." "Trust us." "We've already explained everything to you." "Yeah." "We didn't get it right last time, so we have to go back." "So just get on the time slide." "Piper:" "Ooh, what's a time slide?" "Please." "Don't." "We barely tolerate you now." "[ Electricity buzzing ]" "Trent:" "I've made it a policy never to say no to slides." "Let's do this." "Piper:" "Oh, wow." "This place is so retro." "It's not retro." "It's actually modern." "Welcome to the '70s." "Yeah, don't be so dumb." "The only way to stop the nuclear disaster in San Diego is by killing the father of the zookeeper the day he was conceived." "In extreme cases, it's the only way to prevent an attack." "Alphonse:" "But you're killing an innocent man." "We can't do this." "No!" "No!" "No!" "Don't worry." "He'll be fine." "Trent:" "All right." "I'm over it." "The bicentennial parade is this weekend." "Honey, where'd you put my cigarettes?" "They're in here." "That's the zookeeper's father." "Who are you people?" "Trent:" "We came from Hell to tell you we have room for one more." "[ Groaning ]" "The poison will start melting him from the inside out, thus preventing the birth of the zookeeper." "Piper:" "We did it." "We did it." "[ Sobs ]" "Time slide!" "Time slide!" "Time slide!" "Trent:" "You have a very lovely... home." "[ Crying ] Thank you." "Trent:" "What the hell?" "This place is like an apocalyptic wasteland." "Damn." "It didn't work." "The wrong person let us kill them." "Sam:" "Trent?" "!" "Is that you?" "Piper!" "Hey, where'd you guys come from?" "That blast was intense, right?" "Wait-- how come you guys aren't as messed up as I am?" "Piper: 'Cause we escaped with the Time Angels." "Sam:" "Who?" "Trent:" "We don't have time to explain it to you right now." "We'll explain it to you in the past." "Sam:" "That's not possible." "Trent:" "Drop it already." "We need you to boot up SAM." "Sam:" "He was damaged in the blast." "He's barely functioning." "Just take me." "Trent:" "We'll take our chances on SAM." "Sam:" "He's not functioning." "Did you hear what I said?" "Trent:" "We'll double down on the SAM thing." "Piper:" "SAM?" "Sam:" "Okay, he's just full-on not functioning." "Trent:" "Start over from the top." "We don't need you." "We want the robot." "Sam:" "It's a robot." "I'm a human." "I'm better." "Trent:" "I think I wasn't being clear." "Get SAM." "Even a broke version of that would be better than you." "A broken robot." "Sam:" "Yeah, I get it." "This should work." "[ Whirring ]" "How may I help you?" "Trent:" "When did the zookeeper's father die?" "My records show that he is still alive." "However, his stepfather was killed by a man and three beautiful women." "Piper:" "I think you mean four beautiful women." "Three." "Shoot." "Now we're gonna have to go back and kill the mother." "[ Electricity buzzing ]" "Sam:" "What the hell is that thing?" "Trent:" "I told you." "Drop it." "Time slide!" "Time slide!" "Piper:" "Time slide!" "Wait." "Sam:" "Time slide?" "What's a time slide?" "Trent:" "What's a ti" " How they travel through time." "Buddy, what's going on here?" "You're embarrassing me." "Sam:" "Whoa." "This place is super retro." "Trent:" "It's modern." "Piper:" "Yeah, why are you acting so dumb?" "According to my research, the zookeeper's mother eventually becomes the first female president." "We can't kill her." "It'll change history." "Trent:" "I don't care about female presidents." "I care about San Diego." "I say we kill her." "[ Electricity buzzing ]" "Da Vinci!" "Da Vinci!" "Ciao, Time Angels." "I'm sorry I can't stay." "I have a mother to kidnap and a lava lamp to invent." "What are you people doing in my house?" "Leonardo Da Vinci?" "[ Screams ]" "Damn it!" "We got to follow his time signature while it's still fresh." "Sam:" "Seriously, what the hell is going on here?" "All:" "Time slide!" "Sam:" "Wait." "Hello?" "Those things only last for a second?" "Come on!" "There he is!" "Trent:" "Freeze!" "Howdy, partners!" "I'm afraid this is the "No K"" "corral, because I'm not coming with you today." "[ Electricity buzzes ]" " Damn." " He gave us the slip." "Let's follow his time signature." "How about we jump back twice?" "That way we'll beat him backwards in time and be waiting for him when he arrives." "Piper:" "And how will we know what year he's gonna be in?" "Anyone who's not a Time Angel needs to shut up." "Piper:" "Yeah, you guys." "[ Bell tolling ]" "Now we wait." "[ Electricity buzzing ]" "We got him." "Time freeze!" "No one can time-jump for 120 seconds." "If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get." "Pretty cool!" "I invented it myself." "I invented most of everything." "But my Mona Lisa, she could care less." "Trent:" "Hey, buddy." "Get over it, okay?" "She dumped you years ago." "Yes, but for me it happened yesterday." "Trent:" "Hey, man, I don't like history, unless I'm making it." "Oh, thank God!" "You saved me!" "[ Gasps ]" "Perfect." "She's dead!" "Yes!" "Aah!" "Mona Lisa?" "Mona Lisa?" "The leader of the Time Angels." "I always hated that painting!" "It looks absolutely nothing like me!" "Trent:" "Arriva-Da-Vinci." "Wait!" "You can't kill Da Vinci." "He invented the time slide." "If you kill him, none of us will ever exist." "Piper:" "Could you just explain the logic of that to me real quick?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I didn't know we recruited a new Time Angel." "You want to tell us everything about time?" "Be my guest." "Trent:" "So, what, you just chase this guy around forever?" "Well, usually, we put him in time jail." "But he always escapes." "Every time." "[ Laughter ]" "Who is this bitch?" "Piper:" "Piper Ferguson." "Trent:" "Yeah." "I know." "_" " It's like nothing ever changed." "Piper:" " What about Sam?" "Sam:" "I'm still here." "I've been waiting 35 years to sock you!" "Trent:" "Whoa." "Wait." "Whoa, buddy." "Whoa, whoa!" "Hey, hey." "Sam:" "Whoa." "Why did I just try to sock you?" "Why are my joints sore?" "Trent:" "It'd take too much time to explain." "Piper:" "Man, I miss those Time Angels." " Those girls were nice." "Trent:" " Yeah." "If they had weekly adventures I could watch or DVR, I would do it in a heartbeat." "Where's, uh, Alphonse?" "Sam:" "Who the hell is Alphonse?" "Alphonse:" "Hello?" "!" "[ Breathing heavily ]" "[ Screeching ]" "Alphonse:" "Thank God." "Still in San Diego." "Coming next fall to Adult Swim..." "Listen up, angels." "The bad news is there's a terrorist in time city." "The worse news is, he's a dinosaur." "Back off, Hitler." "Bill Gates is coming with us!" "But that would make me..." "my own granddaughter." "My worst plan is yet to come, and it's already happened." "When the crime is time, it's time for Time Angels." "Time slides when you're having fun." "_"