"Hey, Michael, who was that girl last night?" "I wasn't with a girl." "No." "The one I brought home." "I can never remember her name." "Subtitles downloaded from Podnapisi.NET" "There he is, the star of the new show Deep Powder." "Bobbie, hi." "Come on in." "Well, what are you doing here?" "How would you like to go to Las Vegas and be a celebrity judge?" "It would be great publicity for your new show." "Bobbie, I told you, I don't wanna do stuff like that anymore." "It's a beauty pageant." "Anything for the show." "It's Miss Southwestern U.S .A ." "But they need you to leave for Las Vegas tonight." "Tonight?" "Well, you weren't their first choice." "Okay, all right, fine." "What's involved in judging?" "You have to look at beautiful women and rate them on a scale of one to 1 0." "Can you do that, Joey?" "I'll give it a try." "This is great." "But why did you come by to ask me?" "You could've just called." "I like to give my clients the personal atten" "Michael." "You are here." "Oh, gosh." "Well, you're filling out nicely." "Couple more months, and you'll be ready." "Okay." "You know what, thanks for stopping by, Bobbie." "Here you go." "Oh, right." "Oh, yeah." "You know..." "... partofme thinksIshould" "She would eat you alive." "I'm gonna make a great judge." "Seven." "Six." "Four." "Oh, what a cute puppy." "Eight." "Hey." "Hey." "So you ready for your beauty pageant?" "Yeah." "I'm really excited." "I've never been in a position where my opinion mattered." "My judgment could change someone's life." "Joey, it's just a beauty pageant." "You bite your tongue." "You are talking about the Miss Southwest..." "... something-something-something." "Wow, didn't know you were taking it so seriously." "Yeah, this is a big step for me, you know?" "It says I'm a part of the community of celebrities." "You know, it says that I can be trusted to judge fairly." "It says Corbin Bernsen dropped out last minute." "It does say that." "Hey, guys." "I think this is for you." "Someone left it by my door by mistake." "Oh, this must be my VIP packet for Vegas." "Oh, why you going to Vegas?" "I'm judging a beauty pageant." "What?" "My sister did pageants." "I find them degrading to women." "Oh, you jealous of her?" "Very." "Oh, my God." "There's some great stuff in here." "What'd you get?" "I don't know if I can share this." "This is a VIP packet." "You guys are just RF's." "Regular folk." "Comped room, free buffet." "Front-row seats to a Celine Dion concert." "You don't really like her, do you?" "No, no." "I just like to go to her concerts as a joke..." "... witha bunchof otherhilariouspeople that I met on her website." "Well, you can have these if you want." "Really?" "Wait a minute." "Is this a prank?" "Did Sheila from Team Celine put you up to this?" "No, really, you can have the tickets." "I can't believe you like celine Dion." "Oh, what?" "I'm sorry it's not Whitesnake." "You got a problem with Whitesnake?" "Okay, all right, okay." "No one is looking good here, all right?" "Alex, by the way, if you wanna catch a ride, I'm leaving in an hour." "Okay, great." "I'll go pack." "Wait a second." "Why does she get to go to Vegas, and I don't?" "No one said you couldn't go." "Why is anger always your first response?" "I really don't know." "I have a suite." "Why don't you and Michael join me." "That'd be fun." "Oh, God, Michael's not gonna wanna go." "He hates Vegas." "All right, well, what if we put him in the car and don't give him a choice?" "I'm supposed to pick him up." "We should kidnap him." "Yeah, let's do that." "All right." "Oh, this is really exciting." "We're really gonna go." "Wait." "I'm not dressed for Vegas." "Gina, you're always dressed for Vegas." "Just so you know, because we got a long drive ahead of us..." "... whenyouthrowtrashoutofthe car,it  comes back here and hits me in the face." "There's Michael." "We shouldn't tell him we're going to Vegas." "Let's think of a place we know he'll wanna go." "Let's tell him we're going to get ice cream." "No, no." "Then he'll be really mad when he finds out we're not." "Now I'm mad we're not getting ice cream." "Hey, why are you guys all picking me up?" "Why are you grinning like idiots?" "He's onto us." "Drive." "No." "Come on, eight." "Eight, winner." "Oh, my God." "I can't believe we're here." "Joey, come on, we're inside now." "Take off the glasses." "Hey, I am here as a celebrity judge." "Celebrity." "Okay, people expect a certain flair, all right?" "The sunglasses say, "You may not know who I am, but yeah, it's me."" "All right, fine." "Oh, I better get to my concert." "I can't believe I'm gonna see celine." "It's like seeing the Beatles." "Yeah." "Except she's a bony-chested French-Canadian..." "... youwannapunchintheface." "Oh, really?" "I can't remember what state-of-the-art theater..." "... wasbuiltin Vegasfor Whitesnake." "Is that Celine?" "All right, Vegas." "Wow, those girls are hot." "Hey, hey, that is for me to judge." "You're gonna have a fun weekend." "No, no." "The rules say I can't fraternize with the girls." "I need to be impartial." "Otherwise, it'd be unfair to the show's producers, contestants  andthegoodpeopleat Mike's Hard Lemonade and Spike TV." "Hey, guys." "There you are." "So we're gonna have some fun in Vegas?" "I don't think so." "I'm just gonna go and study." "You didn't wanna come, but we'll have a good time." "Let me go to the room." "You're not going anywhere." "Stop sulking and take off that stupid hat." "Nice to see you again, sir." "Who was that?" "I have no idea." "Welcome back, sir." "We've missed you." "What's going on?" "How come more people are recognizing you than recognize me?" "All right, fine." "I come here, okay?" "A lot." "You do?" "Yes, I come here with my friends from Caltech to play blackjack." "We count cards, we win a lot of money." "Oh, my God." "Michael's interesting." "Don't use my real name." "I'm here under an assumed name." "Oh, this is too much." "I am not buying it." "Okay, I'll prove it to you." "Hey, Sal." "Hey, Dr. Rodriguez." "You shaved your mustache." "Yeah, well, the wife couldn't take it anymore, you know?" "Oh, my God." "You have been lying to me and doing shady things in Vegas?" "I have never felt closer to you." "I can't believe you count cards." "It's like I got my own Rain Man." "How much is that?" "Fifty cents." "That's spooky." "I wanna count cards." "We gotta do this." "I don't think that's a good idea." "Come on, we can rip off the casino together, like a family." "Let's sleep on it, I'll teach you in the morning." "Yeah, that's actually for the best." "I have an early pageant meeting." "Gotta get some rest, you know, go to bed." "Were you in Days of our Lives?" "With her." "Welcome." "Hi, Joey Tribbiani." "Longtime pageant fan, first-time judge." "I'm Jerry, the pageant producer." "Sorry I'm a little late." "I had kind of a crazy night." "But it's not gonna interfere with my judging duties." "I am honored to be here." "To me, there is no more noble endeavor than rating hot chicks." "Watch." "Four." "That's my wife." "Out of five." "Jerry." "I wanna introduce you to Bob Saget." "This is Joey Tribbiani." "He's another one of our celebrity judges." "Wow, Bob Saget." "I don't like to be touched." "So, wow, we're judging this together?" "I'm on the same level as you?" "That depends." "How much you getting paid for this?" "You're getting paid?" "Okay, everybody, we wanted to take this opportunity..." "... tointroducethejudges to the finalists." "So here they are." "Miss Tucson." "Miss Santa Fe." "Miss Reno and Miss Laughlin." "Sorry I'm late." "I had a crazy night." "Hey, hello again." "Nice sash." "Guys, guys." "I just did something bad." "Here's the story." "You were with me until 1 0:00." "You saw him go to bed at" "No, no, no." "Nothing like that." "I hooked up with one of the contestants." "Did any of us think that wasn't gonna happen?" "It wasn't my fault." "She didn't tell me she was a contestant." "It didn't even come up?" "You guys heard every word we said." "Now I can't be impartial." "What am I gonna do?" "Well, you could resign." "Or I could hook up with the other four finalists." "How's that gonna help?" "None will have an advantage." "It'll level the playing field." "Joey, I gotta say" "Yeah, please." "That is brilliant." "Yeah, this is too important." "I have to preserve the integrity of the Miss Southwestern U.S.A. pageant." "By hooking up with all the contestants?" "Hey." "I didn't ask for the solution to this problem to be wonderful." "It just is." "Okay, teach me this card-counting thing." "All right, here's how it works." "When I want you to bet, I'm gonna run my fingers through my hair." "We need a verbal signal for you to stop betting." "My friends and I usually work the name of a U.S. president into the conversation." "So if I say Garfield" "Cat, hates Mondays, lasagna." "Okay, maybe we'll try something else." "What's a subject you know a lot about?" "Alcohol." "Alcohol." "Okay, great, all right." "So I'm gonna mention alcohol, and you stop." "One more thing." "Make it fast." "I'm getting kind of full up here." "All right, the pit boss cannot find out that we know each other." "If he does, he'll take us to the back room  andverybadthingshappen in the back room." "Okay, the Miss Southwestern Teen Pageant is in Ballroom B." "I almost just got myself in a lot of trouble." "Hi." "I'm Joey Tribbiani, one of the judges." "Nice to meet you." "So, Miss Reno..." "... whereareyoufrom?" "Reno." "Okay, this small talk isn't working." "I'll cut to the chase." "I assume you want the judging to be fair and impartial?" "Of course." "Walk with me." "I'm gonna tell you about an interesting way that we can ensure that happens." "But I was just going over some literature for my platform statement." "Oh, let me take a look." "What issue have you chosen?" "Abstinence." "Okay, I'm gonna go build a little momentum and then get back to you." "Oh, Debbie..." "... whateveryoujustsaid sounds very interesting." "So you wanna come back to my room?" "I'd like that." "And you can feel good because you are ensuring a fair competition." "Competition?" "What competition?" "Are you not in the Miss Southwestern U.S.A. beauty pageant?" "No." "Why'd you tell me you're from Tucson?" "Because I am from Tucson." "Well, this is just great." "Are you coming to my room or not?" "You seem like a nice girl..." "... but I just don't have time for this." "Here." "Here's a pamphlet on abstinence." "Miss Albuquerque, Miss Santa Fe." "You two are together, great." "I'm behind schedule because someone from Tucson wasted a lot of my time." "So you two are both New Mexicans, huh?" "Do you guys like each other?" "Yeah." "Really?" "How much?" "We're actually sharing a room." "That is great news." "We're having a special emergency meeting." "There have been some improprieties with contestant-judge relations." "Please come with me." "See you at the pageant." "I wouldn't bet on it." "I'd like to remind everyone that I filled in as a last-minute replacement..." "... forCorbinBernsen." "And Ithink that that should count for something." "Okay, the reason we're here is that one of the contestants, Miss Laughlin..." "... hashadimproperrelations with a judge." "Maybe it was an irresistible judge, and no one's at fault." "The rules could not be clearer on this issue." "As a result..." "... wearedisqualifyingMissLaughlin from the competition." "And we will be passing her name on..." "... totheU.S.CouncilonBeauty Pageants, Dog Shows and Rodeos." "Are you gonna disqualify the judge?" "Actually..." "... sincethepageantisinthree hours , we don't have that luxury." "Hold on a sec." "That doesn't seem fair." "That's a double standard." "I'm sorry?" "Well, it takes two to tango." "The judge is just as guilty as she is." "And as much as it pains me to say it, if she's gonna go, he should go too." "I guess you're right." "Bob, I think you should leave." "Nice speech, Gloria Steinem." "Jackass." "Hey, there you are." "Hey." "How'd your plan work out?" "It turned out that Miss Laughlin..." "... thatcontestantIsleptwith , was even sleazier than me." "And Bob Saget thinks I'm a jackass." "How's it going with you?" "Great." "I was taking a break." "I gotta get back." "This card-counting thing is amazing." "We are way ahead." "Really?" "I wanna come watch." "Okay." "But the casino can't know we know each other." "So Michael is Dr. Rodriguez, and I'm Victoria from England." "That's why I'm talking in this British accent." "It's good." "I know." "Welcome back." "Yeah, we missed you, Victoria." "And I missed you, Dr. Rodriguez." "Now sit up straight." "Hey, y'all." "Name's Dusty." "Flew in from Texas." "I got a hankering to watch me some blackjack." "Oh, God." "You know what I like about Vegas?" "You can sit down at a table full of strangers..." "... yettheyallfeellike family." "Oh, thanks." "Not you, sir." "Dealer busts." "You win again." "Hi." "You're having quite a run of luck tonight." "I know." "I'm Kevin..." "... thepitboss." "Really?" "Does anyone at this table think I should stop playing and go get some alcohol?" "Just order your drinks from a waitress." "That way you can keep playing..." "... geta littleextramoney." "Maybe, I don't know  buya familymember a pinball machine." "I don't know." "If the lady wants to leave, I think you should let her." "Was anyone talking to you, Dr. Rodriguez?" "Okay, I'm done." "Wait a minute." "You're not going anywhere  withoutyourbreakfastvoucher." "You've had a great night, and I hope you come and stay with us again." "Well, adiós, muchacho." "Joey." "There you all are." "I just got back from my third Celine concert." "They were identical." "I'm not Joey, I'm Dusty." "Wait a minute." "You guys all know each other?" "Oh, yeah, these three troublemakers are my neighbors back in L.A." "Gina, you have so many chips." "I bet Michael helped you because he's such a math genius." "Okay, I want all of you to come with me now to the back room." "Now." "Dagnabbit." "This sure is one Texas-sized mess." "Stay right here." "I'll be back." "Is it just me, or did that man seem like he was mad at us for something?" "We were counting cards." "They're gonna kill us." "You guys..." "..." "I'm freaking out." "It's okay, baby." "Wanna know what scared is?" "Finding out you're pregnant at 1 6." "That's nothing." "You wanna know what scared is?" "One time..." "... thisbigmoth almost flew into my mouth." "That does not top my story." "No?" "Okay." "You guys, what are we gonna do?" "Oh, I know how we're gonna get out of this." "What, you're gonna sleep with all the pit bosses?" "No, no." "We're gonna pretend to be dumb, okay?" "It works for me all the time." "When a girl catches me with someone else..." "... I just go, "But I don't understand what the problem is." "I thought she was you."" "You want them to think we're too dumb to cheat." "Okay, let me see all of you make a dumb face." "Gina, good, but you had the shortest distance to travel." "Alex, you're not there." "Imagine celine said your name on stage." "Perfect." "Okay." "Michael, it still looks like there's a light on in there." "There you go." "That's what I thought my son would look like." "Okay, okay." "Dummy up, dummy up." "Look, we know you've been counting cards." "We got you on camera." "You guys are in a lot of trouble." "But, baby..." "... Ithoughtshewas you ." "Just please don't do anything to us." "I've got no choice." "Your names are going in the book." "All the casinos are gonna know who you are." "You'll never gamble in this town again." "That's it?" "You're not gonna break our legs or anything?" "I went to the Cornell School of Hotel Management." "You got 30 minutes to check out." "I never wanna see any of your faces around here again." "Thirty minutes, three contestants' room keys and a case of hard lemonade." "See you guys at the car." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH]"