"[Person Whistles]" "Yeah." "Yeah, that smell is gone." "[Sniffs]" "What the hell was it?" "Chemical residue... from two noxious substances slowly seeping through that vent." "Could've closed you down for days." "Thanks for getting here so quickly." "[Laughs] I live for this stuff." "Yeah." "But your real problem is that defective compressor." "I don't see how that's possible." "This place is, what, a year old?" "That's it." "Shoddy construction." "Shoddy construction?" "I supervised construction." "I'm telling you, we used first-class material everywhere." "Somebody went over your head, and they were big on cutting corners." "Monica." "A lot of people think they know how to improve their relationships." "But love is a skill..." "a skill you have to practice." "Now, who can tell me the first step in having a loving relationship?" "This radiant woman right here." "Um, if you want to make yourself ready for love, you need to treat yourself as wonderfully as you want to be treated." " Mmm." " [Audience] Mmm." "#[Man Singing] Danny McCoy and Mike Cannon." "Hello." "I heard you two... were pretty hot at karaoke night, but you're even hotter than they said." "They always do underestimate us." "They barely know a good thing when they see it." "[Chuckling] Well, I have a proposition for both of you." " Yeah?" " I am listening." "Have you ever heard of the Sexiest Bachelors of Vegas calendar?" " No." "Why?" " I'd like both of you to pose for it." " Pose for a calendar?" " It's for the Vegas Animal Rescue, a charity that saves dogs and cats from being put to sleep and finds them new homes." "Uh, I'm gonna have to think about that." " Why don't we get back to you?" " Danny, I want you... to be Mr. July." "[Laughs] Mike?" "Yes?" "Mr. December." " Oh, you see December." " Call me." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Bye, guys." "Bye-bye." "Yeah." "[Mouths Word]" "Why do you get to be Mr. December?" "Because I warm the hearts of ladies on a cold winter night." "[Laughs]" "Danny!" "Mike!" "What's up?" "Hey!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hey!" "Mr. Peters, you having a good day?" "I'll say." "Oh, I was." "I won big at Caesars." "Oh!" "I got a beautiful lap dance from a girl at Spearmint Rhino." "Oh." " It sounds like a great day to me." " Came home, and uh-oh, somebody swiped 20 grand from my suite." "Now, Danny, you told me that the Montecito suites... were the saf-safest housing on the Strip." " They are." " Call me crazy, but maybe... you left it at Caesars, or possibly at the strip joint?" "Or bathing in vodka?" "[Laughs]" "Yeah, a vodka bath." "I like how you think." "No, Danny." "And I may get a little wasted... you know, out of my mind..." "from time to time on a regular basis, and I may cavort with the harlots, but I do not lose money, Danny, ever." "Ever, okay?" "Is the casino spinning?" "Once you sober up," "I'm sure that you'll remember where you put the cash, Mr. Peters." "You take that for me, okay?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Okay." "All right." "Here we go." "Oh, bedtime." "Bedtime." "You guys are tall." "#Boy, you feelin'lucky tonight #" "#Roll the dice again and let it ride #" "#Let it ride Let it ride #" "# You gonna do this one more time #" "#Hit me again and let it ride #" "#Let it ride Let it ride #" "#Are you gonna play tonight #" "# 'Cause Lady Luck is right by your side #" "#By your side By your side #" "# Gonna do this one more time #" "#Hit me again and let it ride #" "#Let it ride, let it ride Let it ride, let it ride #" "[Women Whooping]" "Hello." "Hi, I'm Mary Connell." "You wanted to see me?" "No, I was waiting, and I hate waiting." "Oh, I'm sorry, Mr..." "Jeremiah Christopher." "Mr. Christopher." "No title, justJeremiah Christopher." "Of course." "You're here to photograph the residential suites for Show Home Magazine." "Duh." "I'm sorry." "I wasn't expecting you till next week." "Well, I am here now." "Am I expected to leave and to come back?" "No." "Already bored." "Who can take my bags?" "Henry." "Henry!" "Henry, could you please helpJeremiah Christopher take his bags to Suite 1926?" "Sure." "My, my, Henry." "You're quite a strapping fellow, aren't you?" "I think your... your readers will be very impressed..." "[Clears Throat]" "By how sophisticated and spacious our residential suites are." "I'll be the judge of that." "And I'll need a full massage before I can even contemplate." "Henry's fingers look magical." "Hey." "[Ed] Hey." "So Alex Avery just got out of the joint." "Alex Avery." "Man, he was the man." "A legend." "This guy would rob you while he had his hand on your shoulder, telling you that he was your best friend." "He was a gentleman though." "Yeah, well, Mr. Peters claims... he just had 20,000 bucks taken from his place." "Drunk?" "Polluted." "He'll find it when he sobers up, I'm sure." "Yeah." "[Woman On Intercom] Mr. Lamar is here to see you." "Yeah, send him in, please." " Ed, is this a bad time?" " No, no, no." "Andy, come on in." "This is Danny McCoy." "Andy Lamar." "The Red Adair of casino maintenance." "Nice work on that Bellagio blackout." "How'd you figure out what happened there?" "It was easy." "Massive backflow of wattage shorted out the main power lines and all the redundant systems, affecting everything from air-conditioning to fire sprinklers." " Gosh." "I never would have guessed that." " Well, it was a mess, but not half as bad as what you're gonna have." "I mean, Monica's choice of materials and systems..." "I'd call this the Chernobyl of construction design, but I'd be insulting the Russians." "Okay." "Uh, what now?" "Air filtration system needs a complete overhaul." "And all the electrical sources connected to it." " You know what?" "I have, uh..." " Danny..." " I gotta go to the surveillance room." " So?" "Gotta be done ASAP, Ed, or you're gonna have smoke pouring into the casino." "I cannot remember when a dead woman caused me this many problems." "I can't believe you haven't had major problems already." " Okay." "Look, fix it." " What's my motto?" ""I live for this." Listen, Andy, just don't cut corners." "I don't wanna go through this again, okay?" "[Sniffs]" " You smell that?" " Smell what?" "Recirculated air stream begging to be rerouted." "Okay, take out your love inventories." "Fill these out tonight, and tomorrow we will go over all the areas that need mending the most." "Clap for yourselves, because you are on the front lines of the Love Movement!" "[Whooping]" "Till we meet again." "Dr. Paul, would you sign my book?" "Dr. Paul, hi." "I'm Jillian Deline." "Ed's daughter?" "[Chuckles] No, Ed's my husband." "Oh." "He's a lucky man." "Are you available for lunch?" "[Danny] Talk about old school." "Yeah." "They don't make thieves like that anymore." "Danny, phone." "She sounds really sexy." "Huh." " Danny McCoy." " [Laughs]" "Hey, Sheryl." "Yeah..." "It's about the calendar." "Tell her no." "You know what?" "We've been thinking quite a bit about this, and I don't think that it's-it's..." " Of course we love animals." " Just say no." "Me?" "Yes, we know how much pets soothe the elderly, but..." "Danny..." "You wanna talk to Mike?" "Here." "No." "You say no, tough guy." "Go ahead." "Hello, Sheryl." "Oh, no, I love animals." "Yeah, It's a great charity." "Aw, that's so sweet." "What are you..." "Ah!" "[Chuckling] No, no." "Yeah." "Okay." " Okay, what?" " We'll see you then." "What happened to "no"?" "They give puppies to kids with cancer, and cats to seniors in wheelchairs." "So when we gotta do this?" "Tomorrow morning." "Well, one good thing is Jake Mayer did it last year." "The chicks..." "hitting on him like crazy." "Really?" "Yeah." "So that's..." "Not that I have trouble with the ladies." "After that born-again virgin thing, I thought you could use a little help." "Ooh." "Should I run through your list of failures?" "Guess I'm just worried that Delinda's gonna be single for the rest of her life." "I want to be a grandmother." "I understand your desire for your daughter to be happy." "And to settle down." "I mean, she dates and she dates and she dates." "A lot of girls take cues from their mother when it comes to men." "What does that mean?" "It means that maybe the reason Delinda hasn't settled down is because she's seen how marriage has affected you." "I have a great marriage." "Do you?" "Yes." "I mean..." "Well, Ed's gone a lot." "I see." "It's a lot better now than it was when he was with the..." "his previous employer." "I mean, I hardly ever saw him then." "Really?" "You know, but we're..." "we're from a different generation." "Pardon me, Jillian, but that's a B.S. Excuse." "Do you communicate effectively?" "Yes." "I mean, I do." "And Ed?" "Ed's... old-fashioned." "And doesn't that sometimes make you feel like you're the only one participating in this marriage?" "Sometimes." "Mmm." "Maybe Delinda isn't the one who needs my help." "Who listens to that self-help guru crap?" "The thousands attending his seminars." "Hey." "Hey, have you guys seen Danny?" "No." "It's not my turn to watch him." "She gets weirder every day." "[Mary] Christina, have you seen Danny?" "[Christina] By slots 27." "Danny." "Hey." "Excuse me." "Thank you, sir." "What's up?" "Danny, we have a major problem." "Celeste Griffin." "Who?" "She's the sweetest little old lady." "You'd just love her." "She just moved into the residential suites." "Jeremiah Christopher from Show Home Magazine..." "he's using her suite for the shoot." "Actually, they're doing a whole spread." "They're using at least five of the suites..." "I'm not following." "What's going on?" "Her suite was robbed." "What?" "Somebody's robbing the residential suites." "Danny, you have no idea what I went through to get Show Home Magazine to shoot here." "The Montecito residential suites are unparalleled... in terms of beauty and sophistication, and, now, apparently burglary." "Don't worry." "This is a disaster." "The residential prices could drop by half." "Not to mention the fact that I am gonna look like an idiot." "What was taken?" "A pearl necklace, antique ruby ring, emerald bracelet." "How much they worth?" "Insured for half a million." "You sure this sweet, little old lady isn't trying to cash in on her insurance policy?" "Danny." "It's happened before." "What about Mr. Peters?" "He was robbed too." "Our resident drunk?" "Last week he said he lost his car." "Actually, I hid it from him so he couldn't drive it." "Good thinking." "Thanks." "I have to go help Jeremiah Christopher with his things." "Please fix this, Danny." "All right." "I'll talk to the cleaning staff." "Uh, Janis?" "Yes?" "I'm Danny McCoy." "I work surveillance and security here at the Montecito." " Uh-huh." " Did you know that two of the residential suites were robbed?" "That's what I hear." "So, you working a double shift?" "Yep." "I need the money." "You try supporting a family on a maid's salary." " Where were you this morning?" " Cleaning." "Same as every morning." "Any idea who might have taken the money and the jewelry?" " No." " Do you remember what time you went into Mr. Peters's suite?" "Somewhere between 9:45 and 10:00 a.m. Why?" " And when did you leave?" " Mr. McCoy, I would never steal." "You can give me a lie detector test if you want." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work." "Okay." "As I stated when I arrived, I require an assorted cheese plate... and kalamata olives in every suite I shoot." "I'm aware of that, yes." "Also, ice-cold water." "Otherwise, my shutter finger gets too warm, and I can't breathe." "Okay." "Please do handle with care." "Sorry." "And what is this I hear about residential robberies?" "How was the truffle custard I sent?" "Vile." "But I had it specially prepared and messengered from New York." "I don't want truffle custard from New York." "That's like giving me sushi from Iowa." "Is there anything else you need?" "Someone to hold my lights." "Make it Henry, the bellboy." "He's spunky." "So, Dr. Paul, you seem to be somewhat of a rock star to my clients." "They love you." "People want to be a part of the Love Movement." "Right." "Dr. Paul, would you sign my book?" "Oh, certainly." "Traci." "Traci, are you coming to one of my seminars?" "Three of them." " I'm looking for Mr. Right." " Oh, yeah." "Good luck." "That's great." "Impressive." "Thanks." "Nice gimmick to get girls." "I like it... the guru angle." "I'm just a humble teacher trying to help people find the love that's within them." "Right." "It's also a pretty good payday." "Mmm." "Such bitterness." "How long ago did he hurt you?" "Obvious to you too, huh?" "I mean, come on." "Please." "Men don't hurt me." "I hurt them." "My seminar, "What If Your First Love Was Your Worst Love,"" "starts in about an hour." "I think you should pop by." "Oh, okay." "Idiot." "Had you pegged." "He's not even a real doctor." "I pulled up all the footage of the maid's shift." "What's wrong with that picture?" "I've been having phasing problems all day." "Here we go." "Okay, this is Janis entering..." "Mr. Peters's suite at 9:53." " When does she leave?" " Mr. Peters comes in at 10:03, whereJanis leaves at 10:15." "Anything else?" "Yeah." "Room service delivers at 11:11 before Peters leaves at 11:30." "Janis could've stolen the cash while she was there." "Nah." "Peters said when he left at 11:30, the money was still there." "He reported it to us at about 2:00 p.m." "Check Celeste Griffin's room." "Hey, honey, I'm home." "Hey, I bought some steaks." "I can't eat steak." "What?" " I can't eat steak." " You, uh, doing that thing again?" "You're off red meat?" "Typical." "All you think about is food." "Okay then." "I got it." "How's this for an idea?" "How about this?" "I go outside, then I come back in, and then you act normal?" "This is exactly what he talks about in chapter three." "Who, chapter three?" "What, is there a book club here?" "No." "Dr. Paul." "In his book." " This is what he talks about in Love Rules." " Okay." " He has offered us a free counseling session." " Why?" "Because we need help." "I just finished our love inventory, and we only got one out of five hearts in our communication zone." "Communication zone?" "Yes." "This is the critical area." "This is what kills most couples." "And..." "And, you know, he could help us get to at least a three." "Now, I'd like a four, but-but three's not bad." "Three?" "Yes." " How much of that red wine you have tonight?" " Ed, this is serious." "Our marriage is on the brink of collapse." " Since this morning?" " We've been slowly unraveling for years." " And Dr. Paul can get us get back on track." " That guy's a moron." "The guy has helped saved thousands of relationships." " Isn't our marriage important to you?" " Of course." "Then come to counseling." "Listen, if you need counseling, the relationship is over." " Oh, my God." " What?" " You want a divorce." " What?" "I can't believe I didn't see this coming." "Everybody tells me that you're cold." "But, no, I defend you." "Who says I'm cold?" "I'm not cold!" "And he's offering us one free counseling session." "Okay." "If I do this once, then-then you'll calm down?" "Yes, I think so." "Okay." "Fine then." "One time." "Good." "He'll be here first thing in the morning." "He's coming here?" "Yes." "Isn't it wonderful?" "He makes house calls." "Yea." "Baked potatoes with the steak?" "Yeah." "Okay." "I'm gonna kill this freakin' guy." "Okay, Celeste Griffin returns to her suite at 12:27." "Room service is delivered at 12:40." "Same guy as before." " Does he stay?" " Nah." "Rolls the food inside, exits about 30 seconds later." "Hmm." "Think she would've noticed if the jewelry was missing?" "There's no way to know for sure." "But she reported it at, what, 6:26 p.m.?" "Mm-hmm." "We do know it wasn't the maid or the room service guy." "And no one else went in or out?" "This is a brave step you've both taken, and I applaud you." "I'm clapping on the inside." "Ed, I want you to listen toJillian with your heart." "My heart hasn't got ears." " Ed." " I'm listening, honey." "I want you to put your hand on your heart... and respond from that loving place within you." "I am so happy that you guys decided to do this calendar." "And so is Scruffy." "Uh-huh." "Hey, Scruffy." "How are you?" "Hey." "Hey, hey, hey." "He's one of hundreds like him that you're helping to save." "I'm glad we can help." "Isn't that right?" "[Whining]" "Isn't that right?" "Isn't that right?" "And sometimes I feel like your job comes before me, like the C.I.A. Did." "Jillian..." "Everybody knows you were in the C.I.A., Ed." "It's just sometimes I feel... like the Montecito is more important to you than I am." "How does your heart feel about whatJillian just said?" "[Sighs]" "Sad." "And why does your heart feel sad?" "I just always wanted to giveJillian... and Delinda all the things I never had." " Honey, you've given us everything." " It's just, um, you know..." "I just sometimes don't feel like I'm good enough." "That's all." "Mmm." " Why?" " My mother." "You know, she, uh, just constantly told me, uh, you'd always be a failure." "That awful woman." "Honey, why haven't you ever told me this?" "So you were afraid to be vulnerable?" "I guess deep down, I..." "I was just... always been afraid." "You know what I think would be so fun?" "What's that?" "Come with me." "I think it would be a hoot..." "[Barking]" "If you would wear these shorts." " Why would you think that?" " Well, you know, you are Mr. July." "An Independence Day theme." " Uh, kinda small." " You'll be hot, like a firecracker." "Yeah." "And, Mike, why don't you wear these?" "Uh, I'm kinda okay with what I got on." "Oh, really?" "I am so sorry, Scruffy." "These guys want you to die." "[Whining]" " No, no." " We don't want that." " I just don't want to wear the shorts." " Yeah." "Well, if we don't make and sell this calendar, then Scruffy and many like him will be killed." "[Whining] Okay." "[Whining] It's okay." "[Clicks Tongue]" "All right." "Where's the dressing room?" " [Mike] Why are we meeting Scotty here?" " Too many parole violations." "And he's the best fence in Vegas." "Wait a minute." "Maybe we should talk about this calendar thing." "If we ignore it, maybe it'll go away." "Maybe it wasn't so bad." "Who you kiddin'?" "We were in hot pants!" "You heard what she said." "The guys who did it last year got more tail than a toilet seat." "Yeah." " Nah." " No?" "So you really think we're screwed?" "Totally." "[Sighs]" "Hey, Scotty." "Hey, Danny." "Hey, Mike." "Hey." "Don't see much of your types on my side of the track." "How's your sister?" "Still talks about you, Danny." "Yeah?" "Yeah." " You should give her a call sometime." " She's married with five kids." "I don't think her husband would mind." "[Chuckling]" " What are y'all doing in the hood?" " Anybody trying to unload some jewelry?" " Maybe somebody from the Montecito?" " Wait." "What are we talking about?" "A pearl necklace, an antique ruby ring, an emerald bracelet." " It's all insured for about a half a million." " Oh, no, no, no." "I woulda heard about that." "Gotta nice watch though." "Yeah." "Retails for 3,700." "I'll give it to you guys for six bills." "Try it on." "Nice." "Not bad." "Not bad." "Uh..." "Fits like a glove." "Yeah!" " But I can't buy hot property." " Oh, no, no." "This is not hot." " Yeah, right." " The guy that sold it to me lost both hands in a meat grinder." "Didn't want the reminder." "Uh, thanks." "Thanks, but I'll pass." "Yeah?" "Thanks." "Let us know if you hear anything." " Thank you so much." " My pleasure." "No, really." "Thanks." "Bye." "Good." "I am so proud of you for opening up like that." "Uh-huh." "I mean, we really connected." "Yep." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Honey, it meant so much..." "Listen, I gotta..." "You don't have to be embarrassed." "I'm not." "You made such a breakthrough." "Let's just drop it." "I mean, a lot of men cry." "That's it." "It's enough." "I was lying." "About what?" "About everything." "Pretty much everything." "Why would you lie?" "Because I wanted it over." "I gotta get back to work." "Now?" "Yeah, now." "I'm getting robbed blind at the residential suites." "I gotta go catch this guy." "No, I want to talk about this." "And we will, sweetheart." "I promise you we will, but later." "We will." "Edward!" "Ed, I am not finished!" " Not by a long shot!" " I know that." "[Groans]" "#[Middle Eastern]" "Cheers." "What's that you're drinking there, chief?" "Tequila." "Another tequila, please." "Wow." "I'm gonna take a shot here, if I'm not too crazy." "But she seems a little young for you, no?" "I'm on the cutting edge." "Right." "Will you excuse us, honey?" "Fine." "No offense, young lady." "What brings you here, Ed?" "I heard you got out." "I just came to congratulate you." "Really?" "Yeah." "Well, that and the fact that there's a lot... of robberies going on in the residential suites at the Montecito." "Yeah?" "Well, thought maybe you knew something about that." "No." "Look, if you do, I could help straighten things out." "I'm out of the business." "Really?" "You learned a lot of stuff in there?" "You build a bridge maybe?" "Or what, did you do go online and get a law degree from Harvard?" "All right." "I do the occasional job." "I see." "Mostly Internet." "Internet." "Nameless, faceless." "Easy stuff." "But why would I hit the Montecito?" "You and I go back a long ways." "You've always been good to me." "Yes, I have, haven't I?" "I'll tell you what I will do." "I'll help you find the guy who's stealing from you." " What's the catch?" " No catch." "I just like to see who's better than I am." "There's nobody better than you, Alex." "I know." "But I'd like to see." "And you wouldn't let me in your new casino otherwise." "That's extremely true." "Well, then we've got a deal." "Okay." "Got a deal." "Okay." "Uh, could I have a tequila, please?" "[Man] Absolutely." "Oh, but listen." "If I catch you screwing around with me," "I'm gonna hack your arm off with a butter knife." "Okay." "Okay." "Here you are, sir." "Well, then, uh, here's to okay." "[Jeremiah] Flashing." "[Camera Shutter Clicking]" "Flashing." "Flashing." "Flashing." "[Chuckling] Hello." "Mary, I need to see more living spaces." "Oh." "But you've already photographed five." "You know, it's not easy to get permission from the tenants." "Oh, thank you, the teacher of the Charlie Brown." "Wah, wah, wah." "[Laughs]" "No." "I need suites with chandeliers, uh, mid-century Italian vases, 19th century portraits." "Henry, I'm suffocating." "Please, my back, Henry." "[Groans]" "Magic fingers, please." "[Moaning] Oh, Henry, Henry." "Maybe nobody's heard of the calendar." "You think?" "I never heard of it." "Neither had you." "That's true." "Right?" "Hey." "Hey, guys." "Hey, Sam." "Sam, you heard of Sexiest Bachelors of Vegas calendar?" "Yeah, of course." "Everyone has." "Roberto, my colorist, he has it up on the wall in his salon, and all the boys make bets on who they can get to bite the pillow first." "You're kidding?" "No, he does pretty well for himself, actually." "Last year, he nailed Mr. July, Mr. December..." " So this is a... a gay calendar?" " Yeah, it's the gayest." "Why?" "No reason." " You guys posed for the calendar?" " Huh?" "No." "You kidding?" " She got you with the puppies?" " They were so cute." " Danny..." "Danny..." "What is it with boys and dogs?" " When does that come out?" " We don't know what you're talking about." "[Ringing] Oh." "You know what?" "I have to go." "I don't have time for this." "I have to go, uh, tell everybody." "[Laughing] Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam!" "This is very, very, very bad." "This is worse than bad." " [Delinda] Nice shot, Mom." " Thanks, honey." "So do you believe him?" "I don't know why you're surprised." "Daddy would never go for that." "It's just that he was so convincing." "I mean, I thought we had this major breakthrough." "Come on." "They taught him that in the C.I.A." "Yeah, well, it's your fault anyway." "Mine?" "I only went to this Dr. Paul's seminar... because I was afraid you were gonna end up being an old maid." "An old maid?" "You've been single forever." "My love life is just fine." "Really?" "When's the last time you were in love?" "Well, I mean, I was in lust with Danny." "And, you know, he was in love with me, but..." "That's not what I'm talking about." "I'm talking about a real... old-fashioned relationship, not a booty call." "You know what a booty call is?" "Well, it certainly rolls right off your tongue, doesn't it?" "Well, Mom, have you ever heard of a "friend with benefits"?" ""Friends with benefits."" "Oh, for heaven's sake." "Delinda!" "Well, it's not that bad." "Oh, no." "Well, who's gonna buy the cow if you're giving the milk away for free?" " Mom!" " You haven't had a serious relationship since Derek Stephenson." "Yes." "Derek was perfect, amazing..." "And, honey, your dad and I really liked him." "Peace Corps after college, Global Al DS Fund during med school." "Now he's with Doctors Without Borders." "Blah, blah, blah." "Humanitarian of the Year." "He's still single." "And he'd like to see you." "Did you call him behind my back?" "No." "I e-mailed him." "We've been in touch for years." "Mom, it's over." "He's called an "ex-boyfriend" for a reason." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Let me handle my own love life." "God!" "You're gonna deny me grandchildren, aren't you?" "You're killing me." "Hmm." " Where's the other idiot?" " Why the name-calling?" "Because it's appropriate." "I heard you... and idiot number two are posing for some gay calendar." "No." "Wait." "It's not a gay calendar." "Really?" "Well, the word downstairs is that two of my boys are switching sides." "What?" "Ed, if you saw Sheryl and those puppies with those big ole eyes..." ""Puppies"?" "What is that, downtown for, uh..." "Dogs." "What dogs?" "Puppies." "It's a dog calendar." "Oh." "Yeah, with a cute little beagle named Scruffy." "I like beagles." "Yeah." "But you're still morons." "It's for a charity." "While you clowns were off taking pictures, I got Andy destroying this joint," "I got that nut job photographer runnin' all over, and Jillian is making me go to some shrink." "You went to a shrink?" "Stay out of my business, okay?" "Just get back to work and find that thief." "Okay, Alice?" "How is this my life?" "[Sam] Hey, Ed." "Hey, listen, I have this order form." "Antwone from the spa wants 30, cast of Hairspray and Céline's backup want a case." " What are you talking about?" " Your calendar." "That's enough." "These things are selling better than Girl Scout cookies." " Mike Cannon." " Did you get any freebies?" "I need every single calendar..." "Leave." "I have work to do." "The three of us are gonna be rich from this gay porn Web site." "Go." "Out." "Go." "Gotta take a few more photo shoots." "Not funny." "We can talk about it after you get off the phone." "[Phone Beeps]" "Hey, you got a minute?" "Oh, of course." "Hello." "You are a very beautiful woman." "Thank you." "Alex Avery." "Mary Connell." "Alex is gonna be helping us out for a while." "Oh, neat." "You know, they're gonna interview me for Show Home Magazine." "[Cell Phone Ringing]" "Yeah?" "Yeah." "That's impressive." "Danny McCoy." "[Mike] Hey, it's me." "We got another burglary in a residential suite." "Six grand and a Fabergé egg collection." "All right." "Thanks." "They just robbed another suite." "Is the photographer for your story here now?" "Yes, he is." "Has he had complete access to all of the suites?" " How long has he been here?" " He got here yesterday." "Yes, he has access." "He's a jerk." "You don't think he's a thief, do you?" " That's when the robberies started." " Look closely at these pictures." "You see how the detail is so evident in these photos?" "So you think that these might be blueprints for each place... with the photographs of the furniture and the precious objects." "Which means that your photographer..." "Is probably the one that ripped everyone off." " All right." "Thanks." " Hey, that's my magazine." "I'll buy you another magazine." "Oh, really?" "Mm-hmm." "Dinner?" "Lobster?" " Steak?" " Why not?" "Dr. Paul's Love Movement is a scary cult." "He makes more money than Kabbalah and Scientology combined." "Cult." "He's got one of my whales convinced... that if I throw a flower in front of each one of the doors on his floor, that love will come to him." "They are beautiful." "You're so easy." "You're so bitter." "My work has appeared in Vogue and W." "Why would I stoop to steal from some Vegas locals?" " It is beneath me." " Where were you yesterday at 2:00 p.m.?" "Having an unfulfilling lunch with Mary at Opus." "The lettuce was limp, and the fish..." "[Scoffs] Day-old cat food." " And how about 6:30 p.m. Yesterday?" " Again, Mary and I were having a snack... at Wolfgang "Puke's" corporate tapas." " You sure do a lot of eating." " The muse must be fed in order to create beauty." "We have copies of your pictures." "Hmm." "Then they will exonerate me." " You can expect to hear from my editor and my lawyer." " [Cell Phone Ringing]" "Yeah." "When?" " Okay." "Great." "All right." "Thanks." " What's up?" "Another suite was just robbed." "[Scoffs]" "Yet I was here." "Hmm." "I'm still getting interference from these monitors." " [Mitch] Let's try rebooting." " Make sure you put on all the backup cameras, otherwise we'll lose..." "I'm not new here, Danny." "You don't have to get snippy." " Girls, you're both pretty." " You know, this is all your fault." "Why?" "Once the public humiliation begins, we'll both fry." "Public humiliation?" "What are you guys talking about?" "[Both] Nothing." ""Come on." "It's for charity." "You want the puppies to die?"" "Do you want the puppies to die?" "You know I don't want..." "We're back up." "There's still interference." "You know, let me do it." "Just let me do it." "Okay." "Our fearless leader comes to the rescue." "[Computer Beeping]" "Hmm." "That's not one of our cameras." "Looks like the inside of a room." "We don't have cameras in the rooms." "It's not a regular room." "It's a residential suite." "From this angle, you can pretty much see everything." "It looks like this feed is sharing bandwidth with ours." "That's how the thief is I.D.'ing the victims." "Hey, boys." "[Both] Hey." "What the hell is that?" "Where the hell is that camera coming from?" "It's a bird's-eye view of one of the residential suites." "I think it's from the A.C. Vent." "Which is why we couldn't I.D. Any of the suspects in the hallway cameras." " Hey, whose suite is that anyway?" " Terri Morrow." " [Grunts] - [Yells]" "[Groaning]" "Andy Lamar, the Red Adair of casino maintenance." "Hey, this isn't how it looks." "No." "It really looks like you were robbing' the place." " The problems were real, Ed." " So is jail." " Henry..." "Where's Henry?" " What's going on?" "Jeremiah Christopher got food poisoning and needs his stomach pumped." " What'd he eat?" " [Mary] Our shipment of oysters didn't come in." "So, against my advisement, he went to an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet off the Strip." "Hey-hey!" "Hey, guys." "Hi, Sheryl." "What's up?" "Look at Scruffy." "Scruffy's brother?" "Actually, his sister." " Name's Lola." "Aren't they adorable?" " [Mike] Precious." "Precious." "We were just wondering when the calendars come out." "In a couple weeks." "I'm so excited." " Me too." " About how many do you sell?" "Well, I print about 500, and I sell them for 10 bucks apiece." "That's 5,000." "[Sighs]" "We will give you $5,000 not to produce that calendar." " I've already made them." " Then we'll take every copy you got." " Why would you do that?" " Because every minute... you don't have to spend selling calendars... is another minute you can devote to saving the cute little animals." "[Chuckles]" "What do you think, guys?" "[Whining]" "I think they said yes." "Yeah." "[Woman On Intercom] Excuse me, Mr. Deline." "Your wife's here." " Hey, honey." "How was your day?" " Splendid." "I played golf, my husband made a complete mockery of our marriage." " The usual." " I did not mock our marriage." "I just don't understand how we're supposed to improve our relationship if you won't participate." "Honey, I have participated every day for more than 30 years." "You want to punish me because I wasn't listening with my heart." "Which, by the way, is a physical impossibility." "Okay." "That was a little silly." "We don't need this New Age garbage." "I mean, I like us just the way we are." "You're right." "I just..." "I don't know." "I got worried about nothing." "Right." "You know what I liked though?" "I liked that you even showed up." "Even though you didn't take it very seriously." "I know." "It's just not in my nature." "Really?" "I knew that." "Mmm." "I love you anyway." "What?" "We did not christen this office yet." "[Chuckles]" "Why, Mr. President." "[Meows]" "All right." "We are off the hook." "Hey, to me." "To you?" "For devising the master plan." "Cheers to us." "To our manhood." "Ah." "[Both Chuckling]" "What are you guys celebrating?" "We, uh, avoided a little public humiliation." " Mmm." "A little." " How's that?" " We bought back all those calendars." " [Laughs]" "Wait." "I thought you guys didn't pose for that calendar." "Well, it doesn't matter, because you'll never see it." "Gentlemen, Flavio, right there at the end of the bar, says the next round is on him." "Thanks, Big Flav." "Thanks, dude." " Why?" " He loved your spread... in the Sexiest Bachelors in Vegas calendar." " [Women Laughing] - [Sam] You said that you bought back all the calendars, right?" " Right." " Except one." " Right." "This one." " [Sam] Yeah, that's the one." "If you sign it, we'll sell it on eBay for you guys." " Give it back." " Yeah, that's ours." "Give it back." "Give it back to me." "No." "It's mine." "Mary, it's mine." "I don't have it." "I don't have it." "I don't even have it." "Look." "[Sam] Let's see." " Now, my favorite's Mr. December." " [Delinda Laughs]" " Ooh." " It says here that he likes to curl up in front of a nice fire and..." " That's not funny, Sam." " Read poetry." " Not funny, Sam." " A scorching Mr. July," "Danny McCoy, enjoys fine wines and sunsets." " Oh, and intimate conversations." " [Laughing]" "[Mary] He really loves to converse intimately." "[Mike] Oh, yeah." " Intimate conversation." " He thinks these interviews are very revealing." "Did I say that there was only the one calendar that we had?" "Well, I was wrong, 'cause... we have a whole box." "[Delinda] Oh!" "[Danny] Okay." "Well, that's fantastic." "What's the dog's name?" "Ow."