" Hey, you guys !" " Hey !" "look who it is." "St. Matthews newest manager of occupational therapy." "You got the promotion, way to go, babe !" "I have absolutly no idea what it is you do, but whatever it is, I'm sure you deserve it !" "Speech." "Speech." "Speech." "Wow, you guys." "It's such a great oportunities !" "More money, more prestige !" "I've certainly worked hard for it." "Which is why it's such a bitch that I didn't get it." "Wait--whoa." "You didn't get the promotion?" " My God, are you okay?" " Nope." "Morny, It's Nate..." "Hey just wanted to see how you..." "Wow...you're not even dressed and it's the middle of the afternoon !" "I'm retired !" "I was talking to her !" "Okay." "Okay Marni, It's been three days !" "When are you gonna go back to work?" "Hey, I have vacation days coming." "I'm on vacation!" "It is so not fair !" "I happen to be the most experienced and the most popular O.T. on the ward." "The paitient love me." "No one's been added to more wills than I have." "Okay, well, maybe that's part of the problem." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "I'll tell you what the problem is." "The problem is that it's not about patient care." "It's about who has the tightest pants and best butt and sexiest walk." "And the answer's always the same:" "Byron." "Come on, Marni." "This isn't you." "You're not a wallower." "Come on, let's sit up and see if we can come up with a logical solution." "No, no, no, no." "Come on, come on !" "There you go." "Hey look, I've made you diagrams of some things you can do to remedy your situation." "Uh, like this box here." "You can analyze your qualifications and look for another position that matches your skill set." "Bleah." "You could speak to successful people in similar positions and find out how they achieved their goals." " Okay, what do you think will snap you out of this?" " I don't know." "Sex always makes me feel better." "Maybe we should just have sex." "I think she's talking to you." "And there was nothing you could do to help her?" "Oh, no, she thought of something last night." "It just--it didn't take." "I must've helped her in every room in the apartment." "I've just kept helping and helping and you just can't help the sad outta someone, Bowie." "It sounds like you did your best but at some point, she's gotta...help herself !" "Oh, she did." "It's just weird, Bowie." "This isn't like Marni." "All she's doing is dragging around and focusing on the negative." "That's got to be hard on you, sunshine." "Hey, hey it is !" "That's why Marni and I are so good together !" "If I wanted to date myself, I would've gone to Brandeis." "Hey, man, I know what you're going through." "You remember that time Shanelle got all depressed and nothing I could do would cheer her up?" "She caught you in the bathtub with another woman." "And nothing I could do would cheer her up." "I'm trying to bond with you, man." "why you keep pushing me away?" " Hey." " Hey." "How is she doing?" " I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you, kid." "She still hasn't brushed her teeth and she's asking for you." "Awesome." " Hey, Bowie." " Hey, Tess." "What you got there?" "Well..." "Mommy got tired of Ryan hugging her, so she gave me 200 bucks to buy him a cat." " Whatcha think?" " That's a nasty cat." "You paid 200 bucks for that?" "He's missing an eye." "Oh is he ?" "Oh crap, see ?" "Now, I could've sworn this scalp was an eye !" "Where'd you get that cracked-out kitty?" " At the pet store." " Nanny, please." "Okay, the 200 was in cash, and my bookie takes cash." "And, well, I think we all know how this ends." "Yeah, so I just grabbed this one from behind the drugstore down the street." " The Drug Co. ?" " Yeach." "Why ?" "Tess, you never heard of the feral cats of Drug Co. ?" "They live deep in the bowels of the store And they only come out at night to feast on medications and snacky foods." "The mix of all the chemical makes'em wild !" "crayzy wild." "That's what you got there, Tess." "You got you a feral cat of Drug Co." "Oh, come on." "That's gotta be an urban legend." "No, no, my friend's brother's cousin who works in an emergency room saw Richard Gere come in all scratched up cuz one of'em feral cat was batting' him around like a ball of yarn." "I think you're mixing your urban legends, Bowie." "Because, see, Richard Gere" " Never mind." "No, this cat is gonna make a great pet." "Just look in his, uh-- his eye." "Hey, you're a little cutie guy." "Isn't that a cutie guy ?" " damn it Tess, you let the thing out!" " Okay." "Obviously the cat is crashing from the meds." "And I've been through this before." "I'm gonna need a bucket and some towels and the straightjacket about that big !" "Oh !" ", uh...hey..." "Clown..." "Listen, how's Marni doing ?" " Who's Marni ?" " Your roomate !" "I'm gunna need more than that !" "Oh, the blonde?" "She's not here." "What do you mean, she's not here ?" "She left the apartment ?" "Where did she go ?" "So its meaning going to the top of the Empire State building" "What?" "Why?" "Ah..." "Okay, she's been uncharacteristically depressed for days, then she says she is going to the top of a tall building and you just say "bye" ?" "You're right, you have to find her and ask her what she did with the can opener !" "Marny, marny, wait !" "Hey, Hey !" "This balloon was stuck in the safety railing." " Are you okay ?" " Yeach, I'm so much better now !" "What are you doing here ?" "I was looking for you !" "I know, I know, it was crazy, but I was worried about you." "I mean you've been so depressed and then I heard you - came up here." "Oh, Nate, that is so" "Wait a minute." "You were worried, that you took the stairs ?" " Well..." "I" " There are 86 flights of stairs, thank God I am okay." "Hey, I ran the first ten flights." "And what are you doing at the top of the Empire State if you're fine ?" "It is a tourist attraction, Nate and I am technically on vacation !" " So you really are fine, now ?" " Yeah." "I'm good." "Whoa...okay 'cause, you know, when I left this morning, you were saying, why get off the toilet 'caus you'll just have to pee again !" " Well, yeach..." " So what was it ?" "It was my diagramm, wasn't it ?" "Err, no..." "I needed some real help, so I went to see Carol." "Carol ?" "Yeach, I went to her office todays and she was able to squeeze me in." "We just talked everything out !" "Oh Nate, she's so amazing, She really put things in perspective for me." "Anyway, I'm cured." " After one visit?" " Uh-huh." "Did she, uh, she prescribe something ?" "I wish." "Nah, she's just a miracle worker." "I've sent all my friends to her and they love her !" "Marni, you can't really be cured in one visit !" "Trust me." "I've been in and outta therapy for 15 years and I've never heard of results like that !" "Well, you haven't talked to Carol !" "Hey, you know what ?" "Maybe, you should !" "I mean you know, if ever someone was in trouble on top of the Epire State Building, it'd be nice to be able to take the elevator to save'em, wouldn't it ?" "Please, I'm not gonna see Carol." "Someone with my issued ?" "Please, I would crush Carol." "An hour with me, and Carol would need a Carol." "Suit yourself !" "Coming ?" "Uh, hey, oh oh oh..." "Fix that, Carol !" "This'd better be good !" "Uh, hey, uh..." "Clown ?" "Uh is Nate there?" "Who's Nate?" "Nate...the guy who's dating Marni." "The blonde?" "How am I supposed to know where she keeps the can opener?" "Look, just get Nate a message for me, ok ?" "Tell him not to come the back way, We have a cat problem." "Cat problem, huh ?" "I know a guy." "All right." "Got it." "Thanx, I really apreciate it, Cl..." "Clown !" "Yeah, I gotta go." "I'm in!" "Hi." "You must be Nate." "I'm Carol." "Come on in." "It's great to meet you." "Hmm, is it great ?" "You might think so now...but just wait." "If you don't mind, we can skip the prelims." "I'm pretty familiar with the drill." "You are, are you?" "So...you're the one who cured Marni in a day, huh?" "What can I say?" "I have a gift." "Don't get me wrong." "I'm thrilled Marni's better." "Because, you know, the whole depression thing is getting a little old after a while." "I mean, it's not what I signed on for !" "But, your magic's not gunna work with me, Carol 'cause I've got issues." "Really?" "Oh oh oh, I'm a case study in four different psychology textbooks, not to mention the basis for a character in a pretty well-known Stephen King novel !" "So you could try to get inside my head if you want, but you better pack a snack, lady, 'cause let me tell ya, it's a loooong way down." "It's not your fault." "What ?" "You did this, Tess." "You brought evil into this house." "Ow!" "Be a man." "Now, do you want Clifford or Blue's Clues?" "Clifford." "ah." "No, no, no." "Blue's Clues, Blue's Clues." "Somebody called about a cat." "Yeah, thanks for coming, man." "I appreciate your asking." "I don't get a lot of calls these days." ""Zandar the Magnificent." "Lion tamer."" " You're a lion tamer?" " Yeah." "Well, well, I used to be." "I pretty much retired." "Now you can just call me Walter..." "The Magnificent !" "Listen, man, we just talking 'bout a cat, We didn't know the Clown was gunna send us a lion tamer !" "Yeach, shame on us, really !" "So, let's take a little look see our king of the jungle, shall we?" "Oh yeah.... comming, Right there..." "Boy, he's tiny." "I don't think I'm gonna be able to fit my head in his mouth." " This is crazy, i just want that cat outta there !" " it's your dime !" "So..." "You want me to get right to it or do you want the full..." "Zandar!" "Uh, that won't be necessary." "Probably for the best." "The hernia scar tends to show thru the lycra." "Ah..." "Okay lets do this thing." "Whoa, hey." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "What the hell is that ?" "What do you want me to do, to tame it ?" "This here is to tame her." "See, I don't know exactly what dosage to use on a cat this size." "Just have to kind of guesstimate." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Now, look, look, look." "I don't want to hurt him." "He's had a tough enough life as it is." "Growing up on the streets, you know." "Watching all the white cats end up on the Friskies box." "While black cats is just bad luck." "Bowie, this isn't about you, ok ?" "Now, this man knows what he's doing." "He's a trained... circus professional." "That's right." "I can do this thing the humane way if you want me to... but, I mean, if I'm gonna have to perform with an undrugged animal, I mean, it's gotta be-- you're gonna have" "...'d be more money..." "He's got it !" "Ok." "Wanna give me a drum roll?" "Thanks." "Ok, deal is.. i scream, you roar" "Applause, applause, applause, and out." "Bingo." "So, I--I did it." "I went to see Carol and I have to admit I was skeptical, but I--I feel great!" "I'm happy for you, Nate." "Really, really happy!" "Yeah, I mean, we really got at some stuff." "I mean, deep deep stuff i never told..." "Why are you smiling like that?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Just trying not to be a drag." "I know how any sad feelings are not what you signed on for!" "Whoa, whoa." " What?" "What are you talking about?" " That's right." "Carol told me how you don't think my promotion was anything to really get upset over." "How it gets old when I'm not my usual happy self!" "Whoa, wait!" "She told you that?" "A therapist can't disclose information That's totally unprofessional." "Not to mention illegal and seriously uncool." "What are you talking about?" "Carol's not a therapist." "Excuse me?" "She's not a therapist." "Then what is she ?" "She's my friend !" " Your friend?" " Yes!" "So, of course, she's gonna call me when my boyfriend starts talking about me behind my back!" "Why would you think Carol's a therapist?" "Oh..." "I don't know." "The office, the helping people with their problems, the fact that you told me she was a therapist!" "No, I didn't!" "I said you should go talk to Carol." "She very great to talk to." "I never said she was a therapist." "Okay, Marni, use your brain for a second." "No-ho, you use your brain and ask why you gave an insurance card to a voice teacher!" "She's a voice teacher?" "!" "Oh gee, now i get why she is worried about me breathing from my diaphragm!" "You just couldn't take it when I was not who you wanted me to be." "You have to go whining about it to my friends." "Again !" "didnt kwow she was a friend..." "Thought she was a therapist." "If I'd have known you were sending me to a voice teacher," "I would not have opened up like that." "Oh, wait, wait a minute." "If I'd known you were sending me to a voice teacher," "I would like to sing with a voice teacher." "Well, i don't like how when we buy a pint of ice cream, you dig all the cookie dough pieces for yourself" "If i wanted ice cream but no cookie dough pieces, I would buy vanilla !" "WHAT ?" "Marni, that has nothing to do with what we..." "You're being completely illogical." "God, why do you have to talk about logic all the time ?" "Not everything that's not completly logical is illogical, Nate !" "Actually, yes, that's exactly what it is." "Okay, by definition, if it's not logical, it's illogical, isn't it, isn't it?" "Ow!" " You hit me?" "You're hitting me now?" "This is how we solve problems?" " Stop talking !" "Let me tell you something-- violence doesn't solve anything, okay?" "Studies have shown that in over 60% of violent encounters, violence is not result and the last thing..." "Ow!" " You hit me again?" "This is so childish." " Stop talking!" "I will not stop talking !" "im not I have a point!" "And I will not let you tell me" "Aah!" " No, come on, seriously." "I can't breathe." "I can't breathe." "Ha!" "I could breathe!" "And I won't let you accuse me of" "Stop it!" "You stop it!" "Stop it!" "You stop it!" "Arrgh!" "Damn, I forgot a spoon." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "You stop it!" "Ah, screw it." "Are we done?" "I think so." "Sorry about the, you know, hitting you and stuff." "No, it's okay." "Carol says you should always honor your impulses." "She's really not a therapist, huh?" "Ah ah, And, ironically, not that good a voice teacher." "Look..." "Marni..." "I'm sorry that I said this stuff You're entitled to feel how you feel !" "And I'm sorry about the ice cream too, but they really should put in more cookie dough !" "I mean, it's ridiculous that they..." "Stop talking !" "So, did you really have your first sex dream about the Statue of Liberty?" "Look, that wasn't" "It's what she stands for!" "Ok, I need all your tuna right now." "I made a small error in judgment, let Ryan hug the cat." "Whe not have much time." "Where's your can opener ?" " There's no can opener ?" " Welcome to my hell !" " Do you ever talk to the bearder lady anymore ?" " Ah no..." "I married her." "You and her never, uh... you know?" "I'll make us some soup."