"Go and take a bow, darlings." "Well done, sweethearts." "And now the great, the wonderful Mercedes!" " 80,000 francs tonight." " What on earth is she doing?" "I'll go and get her." "M. Baldi?" "You bastard!" "M. Baldi!" "She's got to come down now." "Mercedes has just gone on stage." "You take care of it." "I can't cope with this anymore." "I'm going to kill her." "It's going well tonight, M. Baldi." " How much have we made?" " 12,000 more than yesterday." "Shall we do anything about the prince's bill?" " I said no more discounts." "Is it a big bill?" " About 5,000." " How many of them are there?" " Two." "OK, the coffees are on the house this time." " I couldn't move her." " Be firm, for goodness' sake!" "I was firm, but it's no use." "Tell Mercedes to do another four songs." " Renato, this is very good." " Very entertaining." "M. Baldi." "I'll get my bag." "I'm so sorry to bother you, but she won't get up." " Were you having dinner?" " Yes." "She's on stage in ten minutes and she isn't made up." " It's me, Zaza." "The doctor." " I'm not presentable." " Zaza." " No!" " Zaza." " No, listen..." "Come on out, Zaza." "Come on out and let the doctor see Zaza." "No, I look hideous!" "Just hideous!" "Zaza, your fans are waiting for you, and my dinner is going cold." "Please be reasonable." "Doctor, I'm so miserable." "So miserable." "If you only knew..." "No, it's a little bout of depression." "It'll pass." "I want to die, Doctor." "I want to die." "Were you having dinner?" "Can you reheat it?" " Rabbit in mustard sauce?" " That reheats well." "That's good." "Here's what to do." "Reduce the sauce in a deep frying pan." "Make sure it's a copper pan." "I always tell my friends "Use a copper pan, otherwise..."" " Are you dying or cooking?" " Shut up!" "Lt's your fault I'm in this state!" "Look what you've turned me into." "A wreck." "A human wreck." "A rag!" "A scrap!" "When I think that before I met you, I had gorgeous shoulders." "Look at them now..." "It's the same every night." "I recorded you yesterday." "Just watch him have fun while I suffer." " Shall I play some more of the tape?" " I'll give him a shot." " No, Doctor!" " And ask his understudy to do tonight." "No, no, I'll behave." "OK." "So you'll go down to work?" " Has he got any tranquilizers left?" " There should be one or two in the box." "Two tablets as usual after the show, hm?" " I'll be going." " Goodbye, Doctor." "The season's just started." "What do I do if he gets ill?" "Close the club?" "Lt's nothing serious." "He's a little tired." "Be nice to him, humor him, and everything will be OK." " Good night, M. Baldi." " Good night." "And thanks again." "Do you know what time it is?" "Do you want to ruin the business?" "You're doing it on purpose." "Why are you powdering your thighs?" "Nobody can see them on stage." "Indifference is such an awful thing, Renato." "I dieted for two months and you didn't even notice that I'd lost weight." "I've made myself ill for you with all these diet pills and diuretics, and for nothing - not one word of encouragement." "You don't see me." "You don't love me anymore." "The other day, I bought a little outfit." "I wore it for you:" "No reaction." "Albin, I'll get ill if you carry on like this." "It's possible." "You don't love me anymore, Renato." "After all this time together, I'm just part of the furniture to you, not a queen of the theater." " You're cheating on me, Renato." " Here we go again." " There's a man in your life." "I know it." " No, there's no man." "But there are 250 people waiting for the diva to take the stage!" "They came here for you, to applaud you, to applaud the great Zaza Napoli." "What do you get up to when I'm on stage?" "Where do you go while I'm killing myself on stage?" "Go on, then." "Hit me." "Hit me." "Well?" "Don't worry." "It'll be all right, my little lamb." "It doesn't hurt anymore." "It's nothing." " Did you hurt your little fists?" " No." "Come on, hurry up." " Do you still love me?" "Tell me." " Of course." "Hurry up." " What's the matter?" " My fan!" " Go on." "Jacob will bring it down." " My fan!" "I can't sing without my fan!" " Jacob!" "Bring Zaza's fan on the tray." " My fan!" " Good evening, sweeties." " Evening, Zaza." "No, that's enough." "Go on." "Quieten down, you lot!" "Announce the next act." "Albin, please stop eating those chocolates." "Zaza!" "Zaza!" "Zaza!" "I'm sick of your girl." "We're all slaves to that whore!" " Calm down." "Your colleague is working." " Why did she come down?" " I could have been the last act." " That's enough!" "So is it four songs or eight songs?" "I did eight songs tonight." " We'll talk about it tomorrow." " Sort it out now." "I don't want to be at the mercy of madame's whims." "That lazy pig..." "Don't talk about Albin like that." " And from tomorrow, no drag." " Oh, no." "Please, not that." "I told you, no more drag." "You were asking for it, Henri." " My fan!" "Shit!" " Coming up." "Jacob!" "I told you not to prance around the house naked." "Don't you like it?" "Why won't you let me dance?" "Watch." " What do the others have that I don't?" " You have something they don't have." "You can cook." "Come on, hurry up." "I need you." "How did I end up with a maid like that?" "!" "This isn't happening." "Can I see you for a moment?" "Lt's half past." "I've got an appointment." "Let me have some peace." "What's the matter?" "What's the matter?" "Pétunia." "What story have you got for me this time?" " I'm expecting a baby." " What?" " I'm expecting a baby." " You've got your wife pregnant again?" " Yes." " But this will be your seventh." "Yes." "How do you expect to pursue a career?" "Come and look at yourself in the mirror." "Look." "Procreation is tiring you out." "Can't you see you're aging by the day?" "You're right." "Very well." "I'll speak to the accountant." "You'll get maternity pay." " Thank you!" " It's OK." "Go back to work." " You're kind, Renato." " You cost me a lot of money, you know." "Jacob, take that wig off, or I'll tell Albin that you wear her wigs." "And I'll tell her you have romantic dinners while she's at work." "Get out of my way." "Get back in the kitchen, you idiot." "Come here." "You get more handsome every day." "Do I get a drink?" " Whisky?" "Champagne?" " Champagne." " Is he on stage?" " Yes." "For another two hours." " It's OK, we won't be disturbed." " What about Jacob?" "I gave him the night off." "It's just the two of us." "You're looking good, too." "Not really." "I'm all bloated." "It's work." "I work too much, I get upset and I bloat." " Do you really think I look good?" " Fantastic." "You're too kind." "Well, I suppose my body's still acceptable." " I've got something important to tell you." " Yes?" "This isn't easy." "I'm getting married." "No." "I wanted to write to you, but, you know, in a letter..." "She's great." "I'm sure you'll like her." "Are you annoyed?" "No, not at all." "I'm very happy." "I'd always hoped you wouldn't, that you'd fall in love with a girl." "So I should be very happy." "No, that's fine." "I raise a boy for 20 years - my son - then a girl arrives and steals him away." "A bitch." "A bitch." "Yes, a bitch." " Dad..." " Sorry." "Listen to me, Laurent." "If you marry her, you'll never set foot in here again." "I won't give you another penny." "I won't see you again." "Choose." "Goodbye, Dad." "You little idiot." "Come here!" "Come on." "Let's celebrate this disaster." " Did you really think that would work?" " No, but it was worth a try." "Let the celebrations begin!" "You have to raise your glass to a wedding." "Long live the bride!" " What's the bitch called?" " Dad, please!" " Sorry." "What's this young lady called?" " Andréa." "So you've been living with a boy in Paris for a year and you're only telling us now?" "Answer me." "Answer me!" "You're frightening her, Simon." "Don't be so abrupt." "Mother, it's all right." "He's a nice boy, Father." "Very responsible." "It was him that brought up the subject of marriage." "What do his parents do?" "Hello!" "One moment." "It's for you." "Yes, hello?" "Yes." "I've spoken to them." "What about you?" "Yeah, I did, too." "He's delighted." "Bitch!" "He got the champagne out." "We're celebrating." "Yeah, I've got a glass in my hand." "Listen." "To our love, Andréa." "I'll put him on." "Dad." " Dad!" " No." "No!" "Hello?" "I'm drinking to your happiness, Andréa." "Shit!" "Sorry" " I just broke my glass." "It's OK." "It was clear glass." "It brings good luck." "Here." "A bitch!" "The girl's a bitch." "Your dad's nice." "Listen, I'm with my parents." "I'll call you tomorrow morning." "No, it's nothing." "Don't worry." "Me too." "Bye." "Everything went well." "I'm glad." "Did you notice how clear the line was?" "As if he were calling from the next room." "It was really clear, wasn't it?" "Well, I..." "It's late." "I'm going up." "Good night." "Andréa, we asked you what this young man's parents did." "His... his parents?" "Nothing." "I mean, they're on holiday at the seaside." "But they can't be on holiday all the time." "No." " So what does his father do?" " His father, he..." " He works in the arts." " The arts?" "I mean, kind of cultural work." "That's it." "He's the cultural attaché, that's it." "Cultural attaché at the Italian embassy." " Good!" "He's a diplomat!" " A diplomat." "That's nice." "Why didn't you tell us right away?" " Does his mother work?" " His mother?" "No, his mother takes care of the children." "There are so many of them." "Hello!" "Hello!" " Hello, M. Albin." " Hi, M. Lefèvre." "The boy's home." " How about a nice roast?" " I'll pick it up later." "OK." " Hello, M. Albin." " Some fresh pasta and Parmesan." " So the boy's home?" " Yes, he's home." "I have to hurry." " Hello, M. Lafargue!" " Hello, M. Albin." "The usual?" " Yes, a cake." "On top, I want you to write..." " "To my Lolo." "From Auntie."" ""To my Lolo." "From Auntie."" "Thanks for the bread." "I've got to run." " Shall I deliver the cake?" " No, don't bother." "Jacob will pick it up." "Can I take a chocolate?" "Thanks." "Bye." "Jacob!" "Who did I see here this morning?" "Who did I see here?" "The little white master!" "Your coffee is really disgusting." "You French make crap coffee." "You've called me Negro, you've called me queer, but you've never called me French." "Coo-eee!" "Lt's the grocer!" " Hello, you." " Hello, mistress." " Did you sleep well?" " Very well, mistress." "Take care with the groceries." "The strawberries are underneath." "Don't forget to pick up the cake from Lafargue at midday." "Hello, you." "Goodness, you're all stubbly." "Is he still asleep?" "I peeked in a moment ago." "Isn't he handsome!" "You could have told me that Laurent was coming." "Then we wouldn't have had a scene." "The truth is that you can't stand sharing your son." "So you hide him away from me." "You ignore me." "You push me away." "I'm so hungry!" "You're in a huff." "What's the matter?" "Huh?" "He's getting married." " What?" " My son is getting married." "You're such a wag." "I bought sole for him." "He loves sole." "I do, too." "I wanted crayfish, but they were so expensive, so I decided on sole." "But it's strange you said that because last week I dreamt that the boy was getting married." "We were all at church." "We were crying and crying." "It..." "It's not true, is it, Renato?" "Some girl he met at university." "It was bound to happen." "A girl!" "How awful." "Poor young chap." "He's too... too young." "He's still a child." "He'll ruin his life." "I told him that." "Of course I did." "But it's no use." "He thinks he'll be happy." "Maybe he will." "Anyway, there's nothing we can do about it." "You know, it hurts at first." "I wasn't expecting that." "I was feeling fine." "Now, all of a sudden, I feel sick." "It'll pass." "The bitch!" "The woman's a bitch!" "I see you've told him." "Come here, you fool!" " So, does your auntie get a kiss?" " Hi, Binbin." "He's being taken from us, Renato, and we won't have any others." "Unless there's a miracle." "I've given this marriage a lot of thought, Simon." "Mlle Corre, in the leader's speech, replace the word "scum" with "lout."" ""Lout."" "Can you see Mme Simonot's face if we marry a diplomat's son?" "No, Mlle Corre, instead of "lout", put "degenerate."" ""Degenerate."" "When you think of where you came from, this is quite a match." " After all, you're a policeman's son." " Oh, no." "Come on!" "Don't start that again, Louise." "I'm sick of hearing "policeman's son"!" "I'm sick of all this!" "Do you hear me?" "Look what you made me do!" "Andréa is too young to get married." "I'm not going over all that again." "Hello?" "Speaking." "No!" "My goodness." "My goodness." "Oh là là." "Oh là là." "Oh là là." " What's happened, Simon?" " Our leader, Berthier, has died." "Berthier!" "Oh, my goodness!" "In the arms of a woman." " A prostitute." " In the arms of a p..." " An underage prostitute." " No!" " Underage and black." " I'm sorry?" "An underage black prostitute." "Oh là là." "My career is ruined." "Why, Simon?" "Lt's not your fault." "Listen to me, Simon." "You're not responsible for M. Berthier's private life." "Louise, I am the secretary-general of a party called the Union for Moral Order." "Our party leader has just died in the arms of a prostitute." "Wait till the press gets wind of this." "I fancy a little piece of chocolate." "Oh, no!" "They put "From Uncle."" "Lt's not "From Uncle." I told them, "From Auntie."" ""To my Lolo." "From Auntie." He hasn't got an uncle." "It's "Auntie."" "That smells good." "Feeling better?" "He'll come and visit us." "He'll come and visit us with the girl." "We'll have to do something about the bedroom." "It's a bit small for a couple." "And there'll be grandchildren, hm?" "Come on, look at me." "I can just see you." "I can just see you as a grandfather." "Pushing the pram, wearing your bracelets." " Shall I break an egg for you?" " Leave me alone, please." " I'm the king in the kitchen." " The kitchen is your kingdom?" "Yes." "Yours is the stage, and I rule in here." "Fair enough." "I'd better get on stage, then." "Go on, then." "Don't stop!" "Go round the back." "M. Charrier isn't here." "No, he won't be back for lunch." "It hasn't stopped this morning." "Your father isn't back yet." "Mother." "I..." "I..." " I have something to tell you." " Yes?" "Well..." "It's about Laurent's parents." "Don't worry." "We'll talk about it to your father." " No, please, Mother, we mustn't do that." " Yes, we must!" "You're in for a surprise." " What are you doing there?" " Have you seen what it's like out there?" " I used the ladder instead." " It's dangerous." " You could have fallen." " I did fall." "So now you know what it's been like for me this morning." "I warn you, I'm leaving." "These journalists that keep calling and sniggering." " I can't stand it anymore!" " But everybody's sniggering." "Everybody's cracking up." "Everybody's laughing out loud!" "And who are they laughing at?" "Who are they mocking?" "Me!" "Thanks to Berthier, the Moral Order has become one big joke!" "So thank you, party leader!" "Thank you, you dirty old pig!" "There is a solution, Simon." "A big white wedding." " What?" " As soon as possible." "To restore your distinguished image." "Morality, family, tradition." "Your daughter marries the son of a diplomat." "M. Berthier and the prostitute are forgotten." "Marry off Andréa, and ask for the Pope's blessing if need be." "Listen, Louise." "I'm completely done for." "If you go on like this, I'll crack." "You have to marry her off, with pomp and ceremony." "Then you'll be the personification of tradition once more." "Where do this young man's parents live?" "I won't do just anything." "I'm a professional!" "Use amateurs if you want, but don't let them bother the real artists!" "Just watch what Salomé does while I dance." " Play the tape, Francis." " You've always made me work hard!" "Rehearsing in costume, under the lights." "The others don't have to." "It's not fair!" "Come here, dear." "I want Renato to take you through The Queen of Broadway." "You're doing any old thing now..." " Dad, I need to talk to you." " Just a minute." "Being 20 and having a six-pack does not make you talented, sweetie." " Dad, it's important." " Wait a minute." "He's rehearsing." "Stop!" " Did you see what he did?" " No, I was talking to Laurent." " He was blowing bubbles." " He wasn't!" "He was blowing bubbles while I was singing!" "He shouldn't be blowing bubbles." "Why are you blowing bubbles?" "He's right." "Blowing bubbles is annoying." "It may be a transvestite show, but it still involves serious drama." "You must concentrate and think about your character." "Are you familiar with your character?" "He's magnificent." "He's walking along Broadway." "He's very masculine." "Suddenly, he sees this wonderful apparition." "You look at her and you feel a kind of sexual ache in your groin..." "Like that." "You do it." "It's a little exaggerated for a sexual ache." " Dad." " What now?" "I'll be back in a minute." "Carry on without me." " Can I talk to you?" " What is it?" "Let's go upstairs." "Andréa's coming with her parents." " So?" " They want to meet you." "You disturbed me to tell me that?" "She said you were a cultural attaché and Albin a housewife." " She's out of her mind." " Remember my first day at school?" " No." " I remember it well." "You told me to tell them you were a shopkeeper." "So?" "I imagine your friend's father is rather more broad-minded than your teacher." "No." "Less broad-minded." "Charrier." "The MP." "The Moral Order." "Does that ring a bell?" "So she told them you were a cultural attaché and Albin was a housewife." "So what do I do?" "Sell La Cage aux Folles, study politics and become a diplomat?" "What about Albin?" "Snip!" "You want him to have the operation?" "Lf her father finds out she's lied, it's over." "It'd be nice if you could help us." "How?" "First, send Albin away for a few days." "Albin?" "You try and send Albin away." "And we'll have to get rid of some things here." " For example?" " That." "And, well, I don't know..." " And that." " The Greek statue?" "Why?" "And that, too." " Is that it?" " I don't know..." "Try and make it a little less fussy, a little more stark." " You know what I mean?" " You mean redecorate it." "A dream home photographed by Homes and Gardens." "Listen, we're changing nothing." "Have you got that?" " You'll have to make a little effort, too." " Why?" "Try not to show you're that way inclined." " It's not obvious, is it?" " Dad." "Laurent." "It was only painted a month ago." "Come in!" "Sir, Albin is hitting Salomé and trying to take his chewing gum." "Yes, I use foundation." "Yes, I live with a man." "Yes, I'm an old queen." "But I'm at ease with myself." "It's taken me 20 years, and I won't let your bloody MP destroy it all." "I don't give a damn about your MP!" "To hell with your MP!" "Are you going on holiday?" "Saint-Tropez." " What are you doing?" " I don't want to see them." " Use the door." "Speak to them." " No!" "Leave me alone." "You have to announce the news." "We agreed." " You do it." "It was your idea." " Oh, Simon!" "I'm going down." "Tell the chauffeur to come round." " Are you leaving us?" " Are you going to Berthier's funeral?" "What do you think the future holds for the Union for Moral Order?" "I have one thing to say to you." "I'm going away for a few days to organize an event which perfectly epitomizes the spirit of our movement." "Oh là là là là!" "The little white master is in a bad mood!" "He told me I dressed like a whore." "He's right." "From this evening you'll dress normally, like a real butler." "Take this and the painting to the cellar." "Get rid of all these tacky knick-knacks, these cushions." "Get rid of it all." "Especially this." "Take it to the cellar." "Don't bother." " Thanks, Dad." " Laurent, stop pestering me." "I've got to talk to poor Albin now." "It's making me feel nauseous." "What am I going to say to him?" "What shall I say?" "Huh?" ""Get out, you fat cow"?" ""Clear off, you old faggot"?" "I don't think you have to put it like that." " Are you OK?" " It's hot." " You shouldn't be out in the sun." " It's nice." "No, it's not." "You shouldn't be out in the sun in your condition." " What do you mean?" " Did you look in the mirror this morning?" " What's wrong with me?" " You look pale." " I'm suntanned." " Yes." "Yes, you're pale brown." "That's what's worrying me." "I think you need a holiday." "Why do I need a holiday?" "I feel great." "OK." "Forget I said anything." "Renato, you're scaring me." "Has someone said something?" " Did Dr Deslandes tell you something?" " No, no, he didn't tell me anything." "No." "I was just thinking that as you're a bit touchy, a bit depressed even, maybe a few days' holiday would do you good." "Renato, darling, I may not be very bright, but when you spell things out," "I catch on eventually." "You're trying to get rid of me." "I'm not a child anymore." "I know all the tricks now." "And you're up to no good, Renato." "No good." "And it's degrading." " Do you know what date it is?" " No." " The 25th of June." " Ah!" ""Ah." as you say." "Our anniversary." "20 years together." "That's nice!" "You picked this day to lie to me so shamelessly, to deceive me." " Albin, do you want Laurent to be happy?" " What's that got to do with it?" "Lf you want Laurent to be happy, you have to go away." " Jacob!" " Did the little white master call me?" "Stop being a jerk and take the Greek statue out." " Now?" " Yes, now." "Get a move on." "You're casting me aside!" "You're banishing me like a leper!" "You're ashamed of me!" "I've spent nights at the boy's bedside." "I've sacrificed my life for him." " Albin, listen to me." " No!" "You listen to me, Renato." "Either I stay here where I belong, to meet these people, or I never set foot in here again." "What's happened?" "Laurent, you could have waited a bit." "It doesn't matter." "I understand." "You're sending me away." "You're driving me out of my home." "It doesn't matter." "I'm going." "I'm leaving you." "The ogre..." "The ogre is leaving." "Are you happy now?" "Come on." "Come on." "Come inside." " Come and cry inside." " No!" "Albin!" "Albin!" "Albin, stop being so stupid!" "I don't want to see you anymore." "I hate you." "It's OK." "You can stay." "I don't feel very well at all." "All this upset." "It's too much for me." "I'm in such a state." "Feel my pulse." "It's all over." " Come on." "We'll go to Marcel's." " It's all over." "All over." "You're just a little weak." "You haven't eaten all day." "Come on, sit down." " Hello, Renato." "Hello, Albin." " Hi, Marcel." "Two teas and some crackers." " Is he all right?" " He's just a bit tired." " Why don't you have a lie-down?" " He'll be fine after a cup of tea." "Salt-free crackers, please!" "What are we going to do about tonight?" "Lt's difficult." "What are we going to tell them?" "Two men like us?" "You're sweet." "That feels good on my neck." "Couldn't I be a relative?" "No?" "Maybe his uncle?" "Couldn't you say I was his uncle?" "Oh, all right." "I know I don't look like an uncle." "But you're not home and dry either, you know." " He said you were a cultural attaché." " Yes." "So?" "A cultural attaché." "As if!" "Oh là là!" "We're not out of the woods yet." "Here's your tea and crackers." " Are you feeling better?" " Yes." "Oh là là." "Cultural attaché!" "You have a unique way of eating." "Rather like a mechanical digger." "Your finger." "What's it doing up in the air?" "Just look at it." " So?" "Lt's got a mind of its own." " Really?" "Tell the MP that tonight." "Let's start to make a man out of this uncle." "Let's try, huh?" "Learn how a man holds a cracker." "Hold it like this." "Watch." "Spread the butter with vigor." "And watch your little finger when you drink your tea." "Go on!" " And sit up straight..." " Oh, no!" "What now?" "Please stop whining when I try to correct you." "It's for your own good." " I want you to be presentable tonight." " Of course." "Right." "Let's take the cracker and some butter." "Like a man." "Don't be afraid to press." "That's it." "Good." "You're doing it on purpose." "You've got it in for me." " It's all right." "Take another one." " I'll never get it." "Never." "You're whining again." "That's enough." "Hold the cracker firmly in your little hand." "Steadily and confidently." " An iron fist in a velvet glove." " OK." " That's right." "A man's cracker." " OK." " Now for something harder." " A little jam?" " Yes." "Take a spoon." " The teaspoon?" "No!" "Not like that." "What are you doing?" "Lt looks like you're ringing a little bell." "It's just a spoon." " Hold it without quivering, firmly!" " All right!" "Lf you're trying to kill me, aim for the eyes." "It's a sure hit." "I'll never get it." " I broke my cracker." " Fine." "You broke your cracker." "It's a disaster." "The important thing is to know how to respond as a man." "Get it?" "Yes." "Yes, you're right." "You have to say to yourself, calmly, "Albin, you broke it."" ""But there's no harm done." "It's not the end of the world."" " Try again." "Take another cracker." " Yes, you're right." "There's no harm done." "After all, there are more crackers." "For a moment..." " Be careful with your little finger." " It's got a mind of its own." "That's enough." "Blow." "That's it." " We're going home." " Wait a minute." "I'm going to freshen up." " No, no, no!" " What did I do?" " What kind of walk is that?" " What's the matter with it?" "Mince like that tonight and we're done for." " What am I going to do?" " Come here." " What?" " Try and walk like John Wayne." " The cowboy?" " Yes." "John Wayne." "Get off your horse, walk towards the saloon, send the doors flying, and pow!" " Give it a go." " John Wayne?" "That's Miss John Wayne." "You poof!" "Someone called me a poof." "Now he'll show you." "Did you call my friend a poof?" "The swelling's gone down a bit." "It's nothing." "You were marvelous, wonderful." "I'm proud of you." "The big guy looked so stupid when he sat on you and banged your head on the floor." "I felt sorry for him." "A beast who didn't know how to fight." "Poor chap." "No, leave it." "I'll go and get some ice." "I'll be right back, sweetheart." "I've got some bad news for you." " I gave in." "I told him he could stay." " Why?" "Because I thought I'd have to bring him home on a stretcher." "Because he's my partner." "Besides, he's got an 80 percent stake in the club." " How are you going to introduce him?" " As your uncle." " That's it, then." "I've had it." " You're so touchy!" "You're being rude." "Can't we even discuss it?" "Of course, it would be better if we had a woman here." "Funny, isn't it?" "For once, we need a woman here." "Why don't we simply ask your mother?" " No way!" " Why?" "She abandoned me 20 years ago." "I won't ask her for a thing." "You're not making this any easier." "Very well." "I'll take care of it..." "I'll take care of it." "Are you serious?" "You can't go and see that woman after what she did to us." " You're out of your mind, Renato." " Why?" "Excuse me." "Mme Deblon, please." "Ask at the office." " Come in." " May I see Mme Deblon?" " Do you have an appointment?" " No." "Just tell her it's Renato Baldi." "If you don't have an appointment, I doubt she'll see you." "Mme Deblon is very busy." "Try, please." "It's urgent." "I won't keep her long." "Renato Baldi." "Wait in the foyer." "The director will see you." " I'll come with you." " No, please don't." "I won't leave you alone with her." "I know what she's capable of." " The director is waiting for you." " I'm coming." "It's you I love." "Don't worry." "Everything will be fine." "Renato Baldi." "My dear madam." "This is a real surprise." "Have a seat." "I never drink in the morning, but today..." "To what do I owe this pleasure?" "Laurent." " Nothing serious, I hope?" " Actually, it is." "He's getting married." "Already?" "How old is he, for heaven's sake?" "How old?" "Old enough." "It's almost 20 years since you saw the boy." "I know." "Have you come here to scold me?" "No, don't think that." "But today, for the first time ever, he needs you." "No problem." "I'll cancel my appointments and I'm all yours tonight." " Thank you." " It's a pleasure." "I haven't done much for that child in 20 years." " I often feel bad about it." " You shouldn't." "I'm not very maternal." "I am." "That's true." "He's lucky." "OK." "What time this evening?" "Eight o'clock." "We'll put on our one-act play, then send them back to the country and relax." " Do you remember the revue?" " Yes, I remember." "You were so handsome." "I'd never seen such a body." "I get embarrassed when you talk like that." " Remember how afraid you were?" " I thought I was going to have a coronary!" "I went into the room, and what did I find in the bed?" "A woman." "I gave the doorman 50 francs." "50 francs, in those days!" "I was so tipsy." "Otherwise, I would never have dared to say to myself" ""Why not?" "You've got to try everything once."" "I'd heard so much about it." "What did I have to lose?" "So I took the plunge." "How long did we last?" "I can tell you exactly." "From 2:30 until 3:45." "Twice." "It's warm in here." " You haven't changed, you know." " No?" "You've put on a little weight." "It suits you." "You're all man." "What's all this hair?" "You didn't have any when I met you." " I shaved it off for the stage." " He shaved it off." "Yes." " He used to shave it." "And now?" " Be careful, Simone." " I love hairy chests." " Be careful." "Careful, it's a crepe shirt." "With those nails of yours, you're going to..." "Look!" "Look, you've snagged it." "What does that red light mean?" "That the director should not be disturbed for any reason." "Albin!" "Thank you." "Have you got my glasses?" "Where are my glasses?" "Here it is." ""M. Berthier's death." There's nothing much about it." "There's nothing." "Splendid." ""Exemplary career..."" ""Heart attack..."" "Nothing else." "Splendid." "Nothing at all." "Very good." "Sometimes it's useful to have friends who are journalists." "I knew it!" "I just knew it!" "What drivel!" "Two columns!" ""The ecstatic death of M. Berthier." Filthy rats!" " Calm down." " Just listen to this." ""Lt seems that the last words uttered by Berthier were 'Don't forget my little gift."'" "The rotten swines!" "Rotten swines!" "The swines!" "Forget all this filth, Simon." "Think of the reason for this trip." "I borrowed it from the antique dealer." "I've got to return it tomorrow." "I've refurnished the living room, too." "I hope your friends appreciate it." "What's going on?" "Thank you, Jacob." "I would have liked to have known your children." "Don't leave, mistress!" "My good Jacob." "What is this?" "Uncle Tom's Cabin?" "I know..." "I know what you're thinking." "I'm a laughing stock." "Not just in the club." "Out in the street, too." "Everywhere." "I know I'm ridiculous." "There's only one place where people aren't ridiculed." "That's where I'm going." "Farewell, Renato." "Mistress, don't go!" "I'm leaving you my hi-fi, my red boots and my wigs." "Where are you going?" "Where?" " To Foissy." " Foissy?" "There's nothing but a cemetery there." "That's why I'm taking as little as possible." "You're taking a toothbrush to your tomb?" " Farewell, Renato." " Mistress!" " That's enough, Jacob." " I'm praying, master." "You know my cemetery is in Lombardy." "It's the prettiest cemetery in the world." "It's full of trees." "The sky is blue." "There are birds." "Compared to that, Foissy is shit." "In Foissy, they bury the dead in shit." "Forgive me for saying this, but you're a bitter old pain in the neck." "It's true that you don't excite anyone anymore." "You're a parody." "Everyone laughs at you." "But I'm still with you because you make me laugh." "So do you know what I'm going to do?" "Sell my burial plot in Lombardy and lie beside you in the shit at Foissy, so I can keep on laughing." "Every time you're alone with that woman, it's the same." "It's only the second time in 20 years." "Exactly!" "Can you imagine having a second child at your age?" "You'd be on your own this time, girl." "Really!" "I couldn't go through motherhood a second time." "What's so funny?" "I feel like strangling you again." " Dad." " Yes?" "Can I talk to you a moment?" "I know you're having problems right now, and... and the press will be watching us for a few days still." "I wanted to tell you that" " the people we're going to meet..." " Just a moment." " Waiter!" " Coming, sir." "Sir?" " Your meat is past its best." " We'll change it right away." "No!" "I'm not waiting for you to prepare another one." "But it's outrageous that a restaurant of this standing serves rotten meat." "If you don't want me to change it, what can I do, sir?" "What I'm going to do is write to Michelin." "I'd be very surprised if you keep your stars." "You can go now." "Very good, Simon." "You were saying, the people we're going to meet..." "Nothing." "It doesn't matter." "Very good." "Brilliant!" "The butler." "Jacob!" "Aren't you forgetting something?" "I can't wear shoes." "I've never worn them." "They make me fall over." "Go on!" "Go off and put some shoes on." "And speak in your normal voice." "This is a real black man's voice, like the little white master requested." " Get out of my sight!" " Great, Dad." "Do you think so?" "You know, this reminds me of my grandfather." "He dressed just like this." "He committed suicide when he was 30." "And remember, Dad, as few gestures as possible." "Don't walk around." "Don't speak." " In short, do as little as possible." " As little as possible." "No good?" "I dressed the same as you." "I took all my rings off." "I've..." "I've got no make-up on." "And your feet?" "Obviously, there's still a hint of color." "OK." "You're right." "I look even more outrageous like this." "Is that what you were thinking?" "I was." "Very well." "I'll go." "I'll be off." "I wanted so much to help you, sweetheart." "Right, then." " Hello?" " May I speak to M. Baldi?" " Who's speaking, please?" " Simone Deblon." "It's my mother." " M. Baldi isn't here." " Who is this?" "Is it Laurent?" "Laurent, I want you to know that since I saw your father, I've been doing some thinking." "You may well say it's a bit late." "Laurent, listen." "I think your father's right." "You'll be better off with a woman." "So, I'm at a petrol station, on the way to your place." "If you still want me, I'll be there." "Come over." "What do you mean, "come over"?" "Are you out of your mind?" " It'll be better with her." " What about him?" "Do you know what he'll do if Simone sets foot in here?" "!" "He said he wanted to help me." "He'll be cool about it." "Come on." "Relax!" "Lt'll be fine." "Here." "Touch it." "Touch it now." "The dealer that lent you is a con merchant, but if all goes well," "I'll buy you and use you instead of the charm." "I'll give it to you now." "Here you are." "Jacob!" "Have you got your shoes on?" "Go and let them in." " Laurent." " Pleased to meet you." " Delighted to meet you." "Please, come in." " Thank you." "My father." " Pleased to meet you." " My daughter." "Delighted to meet you." " My husband." " It's an honor to meet you." "My mother is sorry, but she'll be late." "She's visiting my brothers and sisters." "They're at my grandparents'." "Yes." "Andréa told us you have a large family, M. Baldi." "Quite large." "How many brothers and sisters does Laurent have?" " Six." " Six." " Six." " We don't have enough children today." "Our movement is very concerned by this drop in birth rate." "May I congratulate you?" "A family like yours should be held up as an example." "Please sit down." "One, two, three." " Hello?" " This is Charrier's chauffeur." "Hold the line." " It's Charrier's chauffeur." " Yes?" "What is it?" "They're with the owners of La Cage aux Folles." " What?" "Are you sure?" " Yes." "I dropped them off there." "Call Toulon and get me Moreau." "Now!" "Charrier at the Folles!" "Lt's too good to be true!" "Did you have a good trip?" "Very good." "Splendid weather." "The roads were good." "We spent the night near Lyon, at my friend, Bouchard's." "I first met him in the army." "I met up with him again a few years later in the hotel business." "He... he inherited the hotel from his father." "He's turned it into a modern, comfortable hotel." "Comfortable." "Very pleasant." "It was nice." "It was nice." "It was a pleasant place to break the journey." "Hm?" "Lt was... it was pleasant..." "I like the austerity of this place." "Actually, for my father, this house is more a place for work and contemplation than a real holiday home." "A monastery." "I'm very sensitive to my surroundings." "When I visit someone, I can immediately tell what they're like." "I'm happy to say that I feel very comfortable here." "Very comfortable." "You've won my husband over, M. Baldi." "It's not often he pays such a compliment." "I must confess that, although I hold a public office, I'm rather..." "Would you prefer something other than champagne?" "Port or whisky, perhaps?" " Madame?" " No, no." "Just some water, please." "I don't usually drink, but I think I'll make an exception today." "Watch what you're doing, you idiot!" "No harm done!" "Champagne brings good luck." "Thanks, Jacob." "We'll pour it ourselves." " Can I help?" " Yes." "Jacob's very sweet, but he's not up to serving yet, is he?" "Lt's difficult finding domestic staff nowadays." "Oh, yes." "If you knew how many chauffeurs I've had this year!" "Lt must be worse for you, with all the traveling you do as a diplomat." "Here we are." "It's me." "Mother." "Please forgive me." "I'm so sorry, but this traffic!" "These hold-ups are really..." "It's getting impossible." "Good evening, sir." "I'm so thrilled to meet you." "The father of that naughty girl who stole my boy from me." "Naughty girl!" "Excuse me." "Hello, my dear, hello." "I'm only joking." "I like the dear girl already." "She's adorable." "Well?" "Do I get a kiss?" "Does Mother get a kiss?" "Come here, sweetheart." "I like her already." "She's a darling." "She's bound to be intimidated." "Come here." "Do I frighten you?" "What a treasure!" "Isn't she a darling?" "My little girl." "Have you got a cigarette?" "Try and stop your mother." "Explain the situation." "Thank you." " Please excuse me a moment." " Where's he going?" "Dinner is served!" " Jacob!" "What's come over you?" " Nothing." "Nothing at all." " Servants are such a problem!" " We were just saying that." "It's almost impossible to get decent staff these days." "You're telling me!" "You've no idea how many maids we've been through." "Each one as clumsy as the next." "They're not disobedient, just inept." "I could name half a dozen!" " Roger, Marcel, Lucien, André, Michel..." " Dinner." " What?" " Dinner!" "All right!" "No need to be nasty." "Oh, I say!" " This crucifix is beautiful." " Yes, it's my father." " Pardon?" " My father restored it." "My father was a connoisseur." "He loved art and bric-a-brac." "Here we are." "M. Charrier to my right." "Renato here." "Mme Charrier." "And the little darling, opposite her mother." "Please sit down." "These plates are unusual." "It's young people playing together, isn't it?" "We have so many plates, I've no idea which ones they are." "They're Greeks." "I think they're Greeks." "Indeed, they are Greeks - Greeks on my plates." "How strange." " You want to see it?" " Yes, please." "I can't see a thing without my glasses." "They're young boys." "Yes, young boys." "You've got boys on your plate?" "There aren't any girls?" "Of course." "I think I saw one." "What a treasure she is!" "She's right, of course." "Look, there's a girl just there." "That's a girl, isn't it?" "Lt's a long time since you've seen them." "Because these are boys." "You can tell they are!" "They're naked." "Where are my glasses?" "Hold it a moment." "I'll be right back." "Idiot!" "You set the table and didn't even notice!" "Give me the pan!" "Lt's amazing." "I can never find them." "Let's see what the Greeks are doing." "Caribbean soup." "Jacob's specialty." " M. Baldi!" " I'm sorry, dear." "Jacob, continue serving, please." "Poor Mme Charrier has the Lord in her arms." "Forgive me, dear." "It's one of those days." "I'm so sorry." "There we go." "Over here, please." " Enjoy your meal." " Thank you." "There are only two entrances." "Morin and Chauvet, wait outside the club." "We'll stay here." "Are you staying on the Riviera for long?" "No, no." "I don't like leaving my constituency for too long." " Your?" " My constituency." "I must confess the free and easy attitude and the loose morals of this area make my stomach turn." "Speaking of which, doesn't that nightclub downstairs bother you?" "A night... nightclub?" "Yes, that discotheque." "La..." " La Cage aux Folles." " Oh, yes, La Cage aux Folles." "Oh, no." "You share a building with those people?" "Only the walls." "We don't mix with them at all." "It's another world." " But who owns the building?" " We do." "You rent your basement to a nightclub owner?" "Yes." "Yes, we do." "Yes!" "We didn't know that he ran a nightclub." "Of course we didn't know." "The man didn't speak much." "He was very reserved." "He just said hello and goodbye." "He wasn't the type to say "Hey," "I'm going to open a nightclub in your basement."" "Excuse me." "Could we discuss the wedding perhaps?" "Laurent isn't here, but..." "These are things parents should discuss, even though our children take no notice of us nowadays." "So, M. Charrier, what do you think of our children's decision?" "I was a little against it at first." "But when my daughter spoke so highly of your family, of its integrity..." "Is that what your daughter said about our family?" "Yes." "It... it reassured me a little." "I thought Andréa was too young to get married." "And your son, too." "But since they love each other and they've already made up their minds..." "Since they've chosen each other..." "Since they've chosen each other..." "Well, I must admit that, to begin with, we were somewhat opposed to this marriage." "Especially me." "It's always very difficult for a mother when her son leaves her for another woman." "I know you'll say to me "That's life." Of course it is." "I know that sooner or later all children leave home." "That's our lot." " Nevertheless, it's hard to bear..." " Excuse us a moment." " Come with me, sweetheart." " He wants to talk to me." "Excuse me a moment." " What's the matter?" " Have you seen yourself?" "Take a look in the mirror!" "All right, it's slightly crooked." " What were you thinking of?" " Renato, they believe it!" "They were all charming towards me." "I think I made a big impression." "What are you talking about?" "We'll end up in a mess." "Remember, I'm not doing this for you." "It's for Laurent." "And it's working very well." "On stage perhaps - not in real life." "Look at your hairy wrists." "When the MP kissed your hand, he must have noticed." " They'll be wondering what's going on." " Albin!" "Albin!" "Don't move!" "I'm sorry." " My wig!" " No." " Renato, give me my wig back!" " No." " Give me my wig back!" " No, no, no!" "20 YEARS OF HAPPINESS" "They're not expecting this." "It will be such a surprise!" " Yes, madame?" " M. Baldi, please." "He's upstairs, but you'll have to go round." "I'm Laurent's mother." "Come with me, madame." "# Happy anniversary to you" "# Happy anniversary to you" "What's going on?" "Leaving us alone like this!" "And their son left abruptly before the meal." "Maybe he had to run an urgent errand." "I don't know." "That woman is strange." "I don't know what you think..." "When she speaks, there's something not quite right." "I think she's nice." "Didn't someone knock?" " Yes." " Where's the butler?" " Who is it?" " It's Laurent's mother." "Laurent's mother?" "Lt's me, Renato!" "Open the door." "Laurent's mother?" " Who is it?" " Laurent's mother." "M. Baldi isn't here." "I don't have the key." "It's in the alcove by the door." " He said the key is in the alcove." "Where..." " To the left." "You must be M. Charrier." "Simone Baldi." "I'm very pleased to meet you." "Your daughter is adorable, Mme Charrier." "Congratulations." "She's beautiful." "I knew Laurent had good taste, but he's excelled himself." "M. Baldi, how many mothers does your son have?" "Would you mind repeating the question?" "I'm asking you how many mothers your son has." "Just one." "Albin." "Pleased to meet you, M. Charrier." "# Happy anniversary to you" "# Happy anniversary to you" "# Happy anniversary to you" "La Cage aux Folles." "It's La Cage aux Folles." "Dad, can I talk to you?" "What kind of yarn did you spin?" "!" "Cultural attaché?" "Housewife?" "Now, that's enough!" "I tried to tell you but I was afraid." "I've been afraid of you for 18 years!" " Simon!" " M. Charrier, please!" "Let's go." "Come on." "Let's go!" " No." "I'm staying here." " Stay, then." "You are no longer my daughter." "Reporters." "Reporters." "That's the last straw." "A lovely white wedding?" "Pomp and ceremony!" "With the Pope's blessing!" "Well done!" "What are you gonna do with a shit photo like that?" "What can you see, huh?" "A door, with Charrier behind the door." "What use is that?" "I can just see the headlines tomorrow." ""After M. Berthier and the whore, it's Charrier, MP, in La Cage aux Folles."" "Have you considered that this door does not bear a neon sign saying "Cage aux Folles"?" "You can leave peacefully..." " The bastards have blocked the door." " Blocked it?" "They're blocking this door to force you to go through the nightclub." " Through the nightclub?" " Very cunning." "Through the nightclub?" "This can't be!" " Call the police." " No!" "Not the police!" "A ladder." "Have you got a ladder?" "Don't start that again, Simon." "It's all over." "The man's right, Renato." "His poor wife, too." "They're both in a tight spot." "It's a pleasure to see." "Right!" "I'm going to have to save the day once again." "You want to get out of here, am I right?" "No scandal, no publicity." "Oh, no!" "Lt's always shocking the first time." "No, you'll get used to it." "What a physique!" "You're extraordinary!" " You look hideous, Simon." " White makes me look fat." "I wanted black!" "No, leave him alone." "He's got charm - that's all he needs." "Come on, hurry up!" "Mercedes, dance." "Dance with her!" "Come on, big boy." "Act naturally." "Go on." "Go on, doll!" "The hotel!" "Quickly!" "The hotel!" " How much is it?" " What?" "Lt's me!" " Madame..." " What do you mean, "Madame"?" "Simon!" "Simon!" "Hello." "She's here." "She came." "I knew she would." " I told you I didn't want that woman here." " She is the mother of my son." " It's only natural for her to be here." " It's not natural!" "Playing the model mother after all these years!" "Lf she stays, I'm not staying for the reception." "I won't be here." "I shall leave!" " Please, Albin..." " I shall leave!" "That's all there is to it." " Please, Albin." " Yeah, "please." I'm sick of all this!" "And you can tell Laurent." "He'll understand because he loves me." "He'll understand why his auntie wasn't at the wedding." "He went home all alone, like a dog..." "Some things are just too much to bear..." "Done by (c) dcd / June 2011"