""At a certain point during your first year, things begin to feel a little different..."" ""You've arrived, you know?" "You just start to feel...."" "I'm open" ""..." "Cooler"" "Oh, my God!" "Turk, that was amazing!" "Woman." "Woman!" "Shush" "You see...it's a lot cooler if we don't make a big deal out of it" "Oh, right" "Hold on a minute" ""Whatever"" ""The point is, we've found our stride we know all the ins and outs"" "Shall we?" "Aaaaand" "Oh, my God!" "Which one of you two did that!" "?" " Heh." "My bad." " That was me." "Both of you?" "Player!" "Can we have an agreement?" "No enclosed spaces." "Morning doctors." "Morning, sir." "Well, Mrs. Winston, it's back to the home for you." " Elliot, that is disgusting." " Seriously, Elliot." "Sweetheart, I think you should consider a change in diet." "I hate you guys!" "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you" ""Let's face it, we've earned the right to be a little cocky."" " Jerome!" " What up, dawg!" "My man!" "Hey, who the hell is Jerome?" ""And I gotta tell ya, nobody can take this feeling away." "Nobody."" "Oh, thank goodness, it's the Mod Squad." ""Because after months of having to do everyone else's scut-work, we're finally not the lowest people on the totem pole."" "Look at you three, all excited !" ""You see, today...we get our very own med students."" "Welcome to hell !" "Gimme some hungry chickens." "You're not hungry enough...gimme some more." "There you go." "There you go!" "Look how scared they are." "It's like we're cheetahs and they're a pack of gazelles." "I'm Dr. Bob Kelso, and I'm your Chief of Medicine." "Now, I want to encourage you all to think of me as your safety net because, I promise you all, we're a family here." "Okay, let's go get 'em, doctors." "They're actually buying it." "The devil's greatest trick was convincing the world he didn't exist." "God, you two are dorks." "I gotta go." "I gotta go meet up with my med student up in surgery." "Any idea who you're getting?" "Nope!" "But, knowing this hospital, it's probably someone black!" "So,I'm just thinking I want someone I can be friends with, you know?" "Personally, I hope I get the biggest jerk in the bunch." "I took so much crap when I was a med student that I've just been waiting for the day that I get to make someone suffer." "Listen, nurse...." "I'm looking for a Dr. Elliot Reid." "I'm Elliot Reid." "Guy's name, guy's job, guy's clothes...." "Is there...anything else you wanna tell me?" "Goody!" "You're a jerk!" "Just remember to breathe, and you'll get through the day." "Hi, I'm Dr. Dorian." "I know what this looks like, but..." "Don't worry about it, man, I do that all the time." "Really ?" "Do you ever part your hair on the wrong side just to see what you look like to other people?" "No." "It totally messes everyone up !" "So, do you have any questions before we get started?" "Yeah, what's the babe situation like around here ?" "Easy, tiger!" "Oh, boy." "Excuse me, doctor, have you seen a med student around here?" "Um, yeah...." "Me." "Cool, nice to meet you, ma'am." "Actually, the only people that call me "ma'am" are, um...nobody." "Oh, no, no, no." "See, I use "ma'am" all the time." "Watch." "What up, ma'am!" "See?" "It's my thing." "Yeah, right." "Now come on, I'm here to learn." "Cool." "Listen up, kid..." "Lesson Number One:" "All surgical interns, they're dogs." " Not a problem." " Hey, baby." "Besides, this kind of overbearing machismo is usually just compensation for a lap pinky." "Oh, that's cold !" "What the hell just happened ?" "Don't worry about it...it's all good in the 'hood." "Let me tell you what I expect from you..." "You parted your hair on the other side, didn't you." "Okay, so you're gonna do HPs, you're gonna do admission orders..." "What are ya doin'?" "I can't really walk and write at the same time..." "it makes me nauseous." ""A famous doctor once said "Show me a med student that only triples my work, and I'll kiss his feet." "" "Philip, I'm gonna need you to shave this patient's groin so I can place a femoral" "Yeah...." "I'm not so much with the shaving a guy's curlies." "It's your call, Phil." "'Course, if you do go ahead and get one bad evaluation from me, it'll pretty much torch your class rank; so I suggest you do what I tell you." "And if I ask you to shave a patient's groin, I think you should thank your lucky stars I said "shave."" "I'll tell you what..." "I'll lather you up, and you start thinking about baseball!" "Natural redhead." "So I'm gonna need you to change the dressing on the fem bypass in 402, and DC the staples on the gastroplasty in post-op." "Yeeeah...." "I have no idea what you just said." "I'm kidding." "Looks like you won the med student raffle, there, pal." "Introduce me." "Excuse me ?" "Next time we're face to face, you give me her name and then you tell her my name." "Or you go: her name, my name; my name, her name." "Whatever you're comfortable with." "No, you like Carla." "Do you actually listen to yourself when you speak, or do you find you drift in and out?" "Fine." "Then, I'm gonna go ahead continue to focus all my energies on Carla." "Listening." "Watching..." "Waiting." "Dr. Cox, Kristen." "Kristen, Dr. Cox." "What are you doing?" "I asked you to get this guy's history, like, an hour ago." "It shoulda taken five minutes." "We were just talking." "This guy...he is the bomb!" "Okay, okay, okay." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye!" "Moving on." "See you later." "Help someone else." "I'm sorry." "Relax, Bambi." "Be nice to Thumper!" "He wrote down the guy sweats when he exercises." " I do." " I'll call Ripley's !" "Relax." "It's just one mistake." "Relax, Bambi...." "It's just one mistake...." "Goodnight, Thumper." "Cool !" "Great first day, Dr. Dorian !" "Yeah it was!" "Okay!" "Relax, Bambi, it's just one mista..." "Yes, Carla !" "They're each one mistake, but when you put 'em all together, it makes, like, 4 million mistakes!" "Did you just snap at me?" "Because I think he just snapped at me." " I'm sorry." " Yeah, you are." "I'm sorry..." "Carla..." "I gotta go home." "Hold it, Q-Tip.You have to co-sign all these orders, fill out a vascular consult on Bed 3, and get a tox-screen for Mrs. O'Brien." "No, no, no." "But Josh did all this." "Uh-uh, honey." "I don't think so." "Mrs. O'Brien, I'm afraid I'm gonna need a urine sample." "Well, Bob, I hope you're taking very good care of my hospital." "You're darn tootin'!" "Jackass." "Dr. Reid!" "Say hello to Whitaker Chambers!" " What up." " "What up ?"" "Whitaker Chambers is the CEO of the corporation that owns this hospital." "So, I suggest you stop acting like LL Cool Reid, and starting acting like Doctor Reid...." "You dig?" "But...why would he wanna meet me?" " Hey, dad !" " Oh, hey, son !" "Aw...poopies." "It was really nice to meet you." "Yeah." "Same here, doctor." "Oh, I'm sorry...." "Dr. Cox" "I was gonna take Kristen out for a beer after work;" "would you like to join us?" "No." "No, I can't do it." "No!" "No, no!" "Is he okay?" "No, not really." "Dr. Dorian...." "Dr. Dorian...." "Hi." "Your roommate let me in." "Ooh, cool dead dog; can I pet him?" ""Is he kidding ?"" "I came by because..." "I know I didn't do so great yesterday, but..." "What was it that tipped you off?" "Was it your, uh, inability to perform even the simplest task?" "I'll bet it was the fact that I only got home twenty minutes ago because I spent the entire night cleaning up after you!" "I'm sorry." "I was just really scared." "Well, you know what, Josh, you should be scared." "Because, I gotta be honest with you..." "I don't think you got what it takes." "Do you?" "I didn't think so." "You can stare at me all you want, I'm still not gonna feel bad about what I said to Josh." "You don't scare me, woman!" "I'm so sorry, I'll apologize at rounds." "Nurse Roberts, have you seen Josh?" "The tall, skinny one?" "He quit." "Nice job, Bambi." "I didn't mean for that to happen!" "I didn't." "You don't have to apologize to me...." "You will have to answer to Jesus." ""After what happened with Josh, I did what any good person would do."" ""I went looking for confirmation that it wasn't my fault."" "Okay, here's what happened." "I mean, he was screwing up constantly." "It's not like I forced him to quit." "I just don't think it's my fault he quit." "I think most of the bad things that happen around here are your fault." "I was talking to her." "Well, I'm not gonna tell you what you wanna hear." "Even Nurse Roberts says he's the most incompetent young doctor she's ever worked with." "Laverne, what'd you first say about J.D. when he started working here?" "That he was the most incompetent young doctor I ever worked with." "It's not my fault he failed." "He didn't fail...you did." "You're supposed to be his teacher." "You see, to me, that sounds like it's your fault." "I dunno.... ...Shocker." "Yeah...." "Where're you goin'?" "Stay and play!" "Okay." "So you're having a little trouble asking out Kristen." "It's no shame, it's not a problem." "Whoa, there, Curly." "I got no problem asking a woman out." "Watch this:" "Wanna have a drink sometime?" " No." " Good." "See?" "I'm fine over here." "Okay." "You know how men are always talkin' about themselves, right?" "Well, apparently, women like to talk about themselves even more." "Well, thank you, Sensei, you've touched me deeply." "Okay, you can be cynical if you want, but I'm telling you the honest-to-goodness truth..." "If you get Kristen to talk about herself, it's on." "It's on and poppin'." "And if that doesn't work, you just simply do what I do." "Which is what, exactly?" "Show a little booty !" "Oh, no." "No, no." "You put that away!" "Oh, think of the children." "D-doctor !" "Philip?" "I was just wondering if maybe you could write out this patient's discharge summary?" "Oh, where's the fun?" "Excuse me?" "From now on, whenever you're wondering whether or not I'll do something, just ask yourself, "Where's the fun?" I think it'll be a time-saver...for both of us." "You know what's sad?" "I'm betting that if you were really honest with yourself, you'd realize how unsatisfying it is to ride through life on your father's coattails." "No." "I'm okay with it." "Josh." "This is completely crazy." "You told me I shouldn't be a doctor." "Kidding!" "Josh!" "But you know what, forget all of that." "The thing is, you have to hang in there." "Now, I promise you, I am gonna help you." "Here we go!" "You're doin' it!" "You're doin' it !" "Yeah you are!" "You're doin' it!" "So what do you say?" "Look, Dr. Dorian, I know what you're trying to do." "My whole life, people have felt sorry for me." "Why would anyone feel sorry for you?" "Look at me!" "I'm clumsy, I'm always throwing up, I don't even have an ass!" "But Josh, those are the same things that I was dealing with when I first started here...." "Except for the ass part...." "I actually have a...great ass." "It's...firm, like mutton." "I'm not buying it, Dr. Dorian." "But thanks for trying." " So, where you from?" " Chicago." "Where you from?" "Pittsburgh." "Family?" " What?" " Family, brothers, sisters, you know..." "One older brother." "What about you?" "We're gonna go ahead and keep the focus on you." "I thought I made that clear to you." "Are your parents still together?" "Do you have any idea how hard you're makin' this on me?" "No." "But I'm kinda wondering if someone's slipped something into my soda." "He has that effect on everyone the first couple of weeks." " I gotta go." "We, we'll pick this up later." " Pick what up?" "What -- up -- dawg." "Not a strong move with the tightie-whities!" "If you're not gonna help, get the hell out of my face and just go wait for your trust fund to mature!" "Dr. Reid, can I see you a minute?" "Oh, Doc-Dr." "Kelso...." "I am so, so sorry." "I just got so frustrated;" "plus I'm PMS-ing...well, not exactly, the Pill plays major havoc with my cycle." "I'm like..." "Dr. Reid, you talk too much; it's a problem." "Now, why are you doing all of your med student's work?" "Well, his father..." "I hate his father." "But I'm the one who has to suck up to him...not you." "For God's sake, woman, show some cajones." ""It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody."" ""I guess the only thing to do is think of someone that I look up to and remember how they first got through to me."" "Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were, in fact, the wall on which you're leaning against." "Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is." "I know!" "Here, it's a conundrum." "But don't you worry about it..." "I'll tackle that one right upstairs." "In the meantime, you could at least pretend to be doing some work." "And right about now, even though you don't have your basket," "It's just a terrific time for you to skip away, Shirley." "Skip away." "Skip away." "Go on." "Skip away." "Hello, Philip." "Lemonhead!" "Yeah, I get it, 'cause of the hair." "Listen, admittedly, I was kinda hard on you from the start, but, on the other hand -as I'm sure you know- you're an incredible tool." "So, I'll lay off if you drop the attitude, and we'll just start completely fresh." "Whatta you say?" "I don't wanna." "But, if you've got a problem with that, go see my father." "I think I'll do that." "Wait!" "Dr. Reid!" "I had some time to think about it, and...what the hell, let's start fresh." "Phillie!" "..." "I don't wanna." "Sorry we got interrupted before." "It's okay." "Where were we?" "I was telling you that my parents were still married, and then you yelled at me." "Right, of course I did." "That's...me all over." "Why are you washing your hands?" "I don't honestly know, to tell you the truth." "I'm..." "I guess it's 'cause I don't have anything of interest to say." "You got nothing to worry about, 'cause I got something to say." "Dr. Cox, you are an attending" "So you should know that it is highly inappropriate for you to be sniffing around this woman all day long!" "And you!" "You are a med student...who should be learning from me, but every time I turn around, you're talking to him." "So I'm telling you right now, I forbid you to get involved with that guy." "Sorry, doctor." "You do...realize, of course, that you just effectively signed your own death warrant." "Dude, do you, like, know any women at all?" "Hi." "I know we're not supposed to be seeing each other, but...." "Why did you page me?" "I don't even know why I still have this stupid thing on" "Put your gloves on, Josh." "I need you to get an ABG." "I can't." "Newbie, wait." " "Newbie"?" " Shut up." "Look, Josh." "You're the only one who knows whether you wanna be a doctor or not." "But right now, I kinda got my hands full, okay?" "So whatta ya say you put some gloves on, Shirley, and get the hell in here." "Okay, now, locate the radial pulse." "Josh, look at me." "You can do this." "It looks good." "No way !" "What do you want, a cookie?" "Go put your scrubs on and get back here." "Go--go--go!" "G'head." "That's it" " Could you...re-do that?" " Yeah." "Could I get some more wine?" "Oh, puh-lease keep drinking!" "Men are so funny." "I'm basically throwing myself at you, and you're still trying to get me drunk." "Well, baby, you gotta play all 48 minutes." " Cheers." " Cheers." "This is fun." "I love the part right before we start hating each other." "Oh, really...." "You wanna know something?" "What?" "I feel like I'm using you to get past another person." "That's not as sexy as you think it is." "It's this nurse...." "This unavailable nurse!" "I swear...." "Look, Kristen..." "I think you're great." "But this whole thing's just not fair to you." "Yeah." "If it's okay with you, I think I'll go ahead and decide what's fair to me." "That works for everybody." "Perry...." "Actually, I prefer 'Dr. Cox'." "You like strong women, don't you?" "Are you kiddin' me?" "They're the only ones I let ruin my life." "This is way too easy." "Oh, baby; bring it on!" "Stop talking." "Dr. Reid, I wrote out your admission orders, and I got the blood cultures that you wanted." "Good." "Now beat it, I'm eating." "Elliot, you ball-buster!" "I know, isn't it great!" ""I think a lot of us get freaked out when med students come"" ""because it feels like being forced to accept new people into your family."" ""It changes everything."" ""Me, I was more struck by how these "newbies" made me look at myself...."" ""Who I used to be...." "Who I am now...." "And who I might someday become."" ""But hopefully, not too soon."" " Player!" " Hold me down!" "Such dorks." " Oh, my God!" " "Oh, my God!""