"My name is Don Konkey." "I take pictures." "That's my best friend Lucy Spiller, the editor of Dirt Now magazine." "This is my girlfriend Kira." "She died of a drug overdose." "We've been living together since." "Thanks, baby." "We became a family last week." "Oh wow!" "It's a boy." "It's time for you to go back on your meds." " I don't wanna be alone again." " You won't be." "Then she had to go." "That's Lucy's brother Leo." "He's dating some guy secretly." "You can't keep a secret from your big sister." "Nothing's going on." "Lucy hates secrets." "She sent me to follow him and guess what?" "He's dating married action hero Jack Dawson." "It is all about family, isn't it?" "Leo got really pissed off when Lucy showed him my photos." "I can't believe you're banging Jack Dawson." "You had your own brother followed by the Stalkarazzi so don't act all indignant." "It's not like I'm gonna publish these." "Pretty sneaky sis'." "This is Holt McLaren." "His 1st day on the set of his big movie went well." "I'm fine!" "His girlfriend Julia..." "not so much." "This is Prince Tyreese, the basketball star." "He's helping Lucy with the Andre G story." "Some people think he's dead." "Tweedy had his head." "In a jar!" "Lucy's one of them." "She asked me to find Andre G and take some pictures." "Nice guy." "Lonely." "Seems like your magazine is looking to diss Tweedy." "Now that we know he's off on some island somewhere, we won't be doing any stories on him." "Glad to hear that." "I told you not to go with this story." "This story is solid." "I don't know if I told you this but I'm a highly functional schizophrenic." "I'm doing much better." "But I definitely miss my dead girlfriend." "Kira!" "Thank God for the kids." "It's Hollywood's happiest couple telling everyone their secret to their successful marriage." "Meaning?" "You know like tips on how they've managed to be successful where other have failed, suggestions for the bedroom, how to keep things fresh." "And how long have they been married?" "A year and 2 months." "Let's wait 6 months and do the story on where she catches him doing a face plant on her personal assistant." "What is the problem here?" "I need a cover, you need jobs." "Seems like the perfect match, no?" "This is Hollywood, someone is getting screwed and somebody out there cannot wait to tell you about it." "There's a cover out there somewhere, okay?" "It's not going to just walk through the front door." "Oh, that's it." "Incredible." "Dude, you're amazing!" "Oh God!" "Oh God!" "Get off of me!" "Bitch!" "Lucy, I uh..." "I didn't see my Viena Smith article and I was just wondering..." "That's because I'm not running it." "Well, I kinda got the impression it was kinda good so..." "Really?" "Where did you get that impression?" "I guess I just kind of assumed..." "Well, you know what happens when you assume..." "Yes, it makes as ass out of you and me." "No, it pisses me off." "So is it really that arbitrary?" "The short answer is "yes, it is."" "But I'll spell it out for you." "When I was done reading your piece, all I remembered was a typo." "It wasn't bad but it was dull." "And that's worse." "What are you doing?" "Trying to see how much we weigh as a couple." "I've lost 9 and a half pounds." "What's your secret?" "Come on, this isn't funny." "People just don't lose weight for no reason." " Honey, listen." " This just isn't normal." "The blood test came back negative." "Maybe they should take more tests." "Negative!" "How do we know?" "The doctor says it's probably just stress." "Just hear me out alright?" "With your new movie and the accident and taking care of me, that's a lot." "But I'm doing better now." "So maybe I can take care of you." "Julia, what are you doing?" "Just trying to relieve a little stress, doctor's orders." "Julia, come on, just..." "Julia, come on." "Julia, could you just stop?" " I'm sorry." " Go to hell!" "Julia, it's not you." "I'm just nervous about this damn movie tomorrow." "Julia!" "Are you sure?" "I'm quite familiar with the act from all angles." "And it was definitely a man?" " It was his trainer." " What's his name?" "All I know is that he's red-headed and has a March of the Penguins bumper sticker on his van." "Suddenly, I don't feel so special." "I didn't seek him out." "He seduced me." "I was there to do a job." "He played me for fool, Lucy." "I wanna expose his lying, cheating, trainer blowing ass." "This just happened so why don't you give it a little to digest." "Digest?" "Digest what?" "A guy tells you that he loves you, that you're the first guy he's ever been with or felt this way about, then 2 days later you catch him with his dick in another guy's mouth!" "If you tell me it's just sex, I'm cool with that." "You tell me you think you're falling in love, that you want me to clear my schedule for a month to be in New Zealand while you shoot your next picture, I'm thinking game on." "I understand but as your sister..." "I don't wanna talk with my sister." "I wanna talk with the editor of Dirt Now." "Is she in or isn't she?" "You have no idea what you'd be getting yourself into." "I trust you." "No, this has nothing to do with trusting me." "You wanna out one of the biggest action stars in the world." "I sure as hell would try to protect you but there are no guarantees." "Do you really wanna take that risk?" "You bet your ass I do." "Good because this is a great goddamn story!" "Hey, little girl." "Yeah, you." "Hey, Diana." "Hey, you're ready?" "Okay, Diana, I'm just gonna open your mouth and slide this tablet to the back of your throat." "Yeah, you did very good." "Very good." "'Cause you don't wanna get worms." "They can make you feel real sick." "It's okay now." "Whatcha doing?" "Yeah?" "Okay." "Hi." "I'm supposed to meet Jack for late lunch." "I thought I punched the code in right." "He gave it to me over the weekend." "Yeah, we change that every week." "He's out back by the pool." "Damn, I've got fabric samples in my car." "Do you mind?" "Yeah, make it quick." "You have incredible lips, you know that?" "They're just like Kira's:" "thick, color **." "She used to suck on her bottom lip when she was messed up." "Like a pacifier notice." "Hey!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "What's the matter, kitten?" "Kira loved you." "It's Holt she didn't like." "That's just because he never stuck his dick in her." "She didn't think he was good enough for you." "She loved you." "I totally see why." "She knew you'd never leak the pregnancy to the press." "Kira told me she told you." "She thought maybe you got drunk and told Holt and he leaked it." "She knew you wouldn't betray her like that." "She thought it was Holt." "No, Holt never knew." "And if he did, he'd never betray me." "Ah, Julia..." "Julia, come on." "This is Hollywood." "Betrayal should have its own star on the walk of fame." "Hey!" "What are you doing?" "Shit!" "Shut up!" "Oh shit!" "You're real!" "Get him!" "Hey, nice pool." "I like the Greek urns." "You know, the Romans, they stole all the culture from the Greeks." "You know, they like it so they just took it." "Found this in his pocket." "What?" "What?" "Get him out of here!" "When you're done with him, come get this piece of shit right here." "There you are, you got a second?" "Hello?" "I just said I need to speak with you." "No, you asked me if I had a second and obviously I don't." "May I ask what's so important that you can't give me a second here?" " Don's in jail." " I'm sorry?" "I'm gonna go bail him out." "Wait, no." "No, no, no!" "Don doesn't not work for Dirt Now." "He's freelance." "We are of no obligation to him whatsoever." "Any interference on our part might be..." "I'm bailing him out as a friend." "You know what friends are, don't you Brent?" "Will you let me finish?" "You're setting us up for a lawsuit." "He has our next cover pictures on him." "I don't care if he has pictures of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton going down on the ghost of Frank Sinatra." "How he got them is my concern." "He got them by being the best photographer out there." "I know you're a busy woman Spiller what with saving the planet one drunken celebrity at a time but there are amended statutes you might wanna gloss over before you hang the magazine out to dry." " You're done?" " Yes, I am." "Good, I'm gonna go get my next cover." "Loved the friend angle." "You almost had me on that one." "It's looking really beautiful Holt." "You can take a break if you like." " A minute." " Thank you, thank you." "Get the girls in please." "That car brings back some memories." "My Dad hat a 67 Goad." "Yeah." "That's nice, huh?" "If I could lose my virginity all over again, it would be in the backseat." "Who am I kidding?" "It would be in Bora Bora but backseat is a close 2nd." "She's a beauty." " She's yours." " What are you talking about?" "I knew you liked it so I talked to the agency." "And they said they would be thrilled to have you tunning around town in one of their cars." "Shut up!" "Get the hell out of here!" " Thank you." " You're welcome." "We're ready for you." "Can you step in please?" "Get in there." "Honey, you're gonna look at him." "Sweetheart, you are not looking at a local ***, he's important." "That makes you important." "That's it!" "I am moist." "Am I right, girls?" "Holt, these are gonna be gorgeous, we'll definitely hold them 'till after the Finsher release." "Oh my God!" "Seriously!" "Who's with me on the moist?" "Anyone?" " Please." " Okay." "Julia!" "Hey, look who's here?" "Hey, did you come to watch the shoot?" "Take one of us." "Okay, very nice." "We need to get back to work so could you please..." "She is pretty, isn't she?" "She is." "So why don't you come and sit down?" "You wanna do this together?" "I bet she sucks a mean dick." " Okay, alright, sweetie." " Can we get a bottle of water over here?" "Hey, you're missing his greatest asset." "Turn around." "He's got the best ass in the business." "Julia, that's enough." "That's nothing next to his dick." "Julia, that's enough." "Please." "But you won't screw with me anymore." "Come here." "Can I get that damn water?" "Right here." "Why don't you make love to me anymore?" "Do you not love me?" "Julia, come on." "Holt, listen, listen." "Holt!" "Julia, stop!" "This is about you." "Listen." "Hey, Holt!" "Listen to me." "More important than how she's behaving right now is how you handle it." "This could ruin her career if we don't handle it properly." "I know she's messed up on the painkillers and it's not her fault" " but you gotta be smart here." " Alright." "Holt, let me do what you pay me to do." " Alright." " We can handle this in private." "Away from the cameras." "Go!" "Hi." "Yeah, I need a limo to take Julia Mallory home." "I am at the photoshoot." "No, I need it now." "Yeah, she needs to go straight home." "How much?" "No, town car is fine." "I just wanna know, is that normal procedure?" "I busted my ass on that piece." "Tell me if I'm wrong to be upset and I'll let it go." "It's just..." " Willa, you want my advice?" " Yeah, of course." " Grow a pair." " Pardon?" "Tough shit, your piece got spiked." "Write another one." "End of story." "If you'll excuse me, celebrities aren't gonna screw themselves." "Alright, Carlson." "What happens at the standards stays at the standards." "Oh, yeah." "I'll talk to you next week." "Can I help you?" "Uh, Nancy." "Yeah, your assistant is talking to one of my associates right now." "But not to worry, we'll be brief." "To be honest, I don't know how" "I can be of help to either one of you gentlemen." "But how do you know?" "We haven't asked anything yet!" "But to be perfectly honest," "I think that you could be of a great help to us." "But then again that just may be my overly optimistic nature." "What do you want?" "We would like to know who gave up our boy in the Andre G story that you said you weren't gonna run." "I don't know." "Listen to him." "Okay." "Now you can sit up in your big ass expensive office and your $2,000 suit and your 5 buck tie and that punk ass haircut and you're gonna look me and my black face and you're gonna tell me that you don't know shit?" "Come on, man!" "You're the man!" "You know every detail that happens in this office, don't you?" "Am I right?" "Am I right?" " Am I right?" " I think you're right." "You're damn straight I'm right." "I'm the publisher, it's not necessary that I know who the source of a story is." " You see that, Morris?" " Yeah." "I saw it." " He saw what?" " You looked down when you said that." " So what?" " So you lying." "You broke eye contact." "When people lie, they look away." "Yeah, that's a big tale, my friend." "Oh my God!" "What do you..." "What do you gentlemen know about the free press?" "Please, illuminate." "Confidentiality between the journalist and his or her source is sacrosaint." "Shield laws give journalists the legal protection to keep the identity of his source private." "Even when police and prosecutors are threatening contempt and jail time." "To betray that confidence is a breach of ethics so great, it compromizes the very foundation upon which the wall of journalism is predicated." "Wow!" "Thank you sir for educating 2 ignorant brothers in journalistic ethics in the middle of your busy work day." "Oh, man." "Is that a real K.C. Hagston?" "Hack is a shit." "Oh, God." "Don, are you okay?" "Yeah." " Do you have the film?" " I think so." "Do you need to go to the bathroom to get it?" "No, it's not there." "Where then?" "What's the quickest and safest way to remove it from his stomach?" "Well, we can send a tube down his throat and then reach in and grab it with a claw." "Or we can do it laparoscopicly." "It's a little more involved, we make an incision." "What do you think, Don?" " Claw." " Me too." " Will it damage the canister?" " No." "Stomach acid on the other hand can break down just about anything given enough time." "How the hell did you swallow a film canister?" "Can I be home by 6?" "Please." "That is so cute." "You better not be planning your wedding shit on my dime." "I'm on my lunch and it's actually baby shit." "And no more tuna fish, the smell makes me sick." " Excuse me Lucy." " Yeah." " Selena Torres wants to talk." " About what?" "Her side of the scandal." "She said she didn't sleep with the contestant until after he won American dream." "What's the big deal, she pretty much already said that." "But he's not the only contestant she slept with." "Why now?" "Another one of them is coming foward and she must do that sorf of 'mea culpa' and beat him to the punch" "and why you?" "Her publicist and I have a relationship." "No, it's professional relationship." " Have it to me by noon tomorrow." " Okay." " Hey." " Hi, I need to see you tonight." "I can't, I gotta see Julia." "I think you'll wanna hear what I have to say." "My house, 8:30." "God!" "You're so beautiful." "It's okay, baby bird." "You're alright." "You're alright." "Here." "Feel better." "Just relax and enjoy the ride." " You know who you remind me of?" " No." "Bobby Miserv." "Who's that?" "He's the first boy I kissed." "Boys had kissed me before but he was the first boy I kissed." "He was so... so pretty" "I like the way you look at me." "I love them." "What else you got?" "This is all of it which considering where it came from it's pretty damn good." "I think we were lucky." "I think that one with his hands down your pants is a keeper." " Whoa, what?" " You can really see it's me." "Not for long, photoshot the shit out of his face." "Not a problem." "When daniela's done not, mom won't even know it's you." " Sweet!" " Thank you." "Come here." "Do you want to stay at my house?" "Why, are you gonna nurse me back to health?" "I guess you're rigth." "It's never been really my calling." "Remember when I was 8 and had chicken pox?" "You stood at the doorway of a my bedroom and threw me a box of saltines and then told dad and mom you had fed my lunch." "Technically that was true." "I wasn't much of cook either." "The offer still stands." "I know." "Get out of here." "Scott, I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "No problem Willa." "She needs to clear the air, it's a big scoop." "You were my first thought." "Figured if I was gonna do a solid for a reporter, might as well be a hottie." "I owe you Scott, big time." "See you tonight?" "Il Misto 7:30." "Yes." "Yes!" "Hello, Gibson." "I just heard the damn story." "So ludacris." "I had to come and tell you in person." "I heard my magazine went and bailed out some psychotic photographer." "I thought what kind of idiot risk my holding, not to mention their entire career." "All for some mental pap who nabs the occasional sag and rumpled ass of some future Hollywood square." "Do you mind if I speak frankly?" "No, by all means." "Why do you give shit?" "Have you seen the sell through?" "59%." "People magazine would suck your dick for those numbers." "Lucy, you haven't answered my question yet." " Am I gonna get..." " Sued?" "Yeah, most likely." "But that price tag is going to pale compared to what you'll pull in." "Besides you always told me scared money doesn't make money." "Neither does stupid money." "What's a few million to you?" "You just made that clearing your throat." "Don Konkey had this week's cover sitting inside of him." "It was business." "It was really good business." "Ok." "What's the cover?" "Photos of Jack Dawson fondling another guy's nutsack." "Jack Dawson?" "That's not your average Hollywood fag story, I'll give you that." "Well, I guess I came all this way for nothing." "No, actually I think it's a pretty good time to talk about my raise." "Have a seat, sweet pea." " There you are." " Hi." " You look amazing." " Oh, thank you." " Scott, party of two." " Follow me." "Oh, where's Selena?" "I didn't think we needed her here at this juncture." "What do you mean?" "I have to have this on my editor's desk by noon tomorrow." "Relax Willa, we'll have some nice italian food, some wine, plenty of time right?" "A bottle of the Santa Margarita." "A little Pinot Grugio is ok?" " Scott, I need this story." " Sure." "After we catch up." "What's the rush, right?" "Do you want me to call Luc', tell her cool her wheels or something?" "Your company reps Viena Smith right?" "Yeah, she is a top feeder." "I just happen to know the doctor who stapled her stomach." "There is no proof that she actually had that surgery." "Don't screw with me Scott, it's not speculative, I know." "I talked with him, I have his story." "Now, you have Selena in my office tomorrow morning or I'm running it and then I'll have Luc' call your boss and tell him how it was all preventible." " You're full of shit." " Try me." " Your wine." " Thank you, it's on him." "Dad, I think it's time." "I know." "People, US, OK, Star, everyone's going full board on your girlfriend's episode today." "It's her pain meds." "We're adjusting the prescription." "You know what might help sell that?" "If you look the press in the eye when you feed them that bullshit." "What the hell am I doing here?" "We're covering it as Julia Mallory's courageous battle with addiction." "And how she is doing better thanks to her hot ass boyfriend Holt McLaren." "Am I supposed to thank you?" "Yes, but not for that." "Hello?" "What the hell are you guys doing here?" "Well, if it isn't Mr. ethics." "Hope you brought your apetite." "Jack Dawson is gay." "And how do you know that?" "Because I have pictures of him and an unidentified man folicking by his pool." "We're running it on tomorrow's cover." "Holy shit!" "So, unless America is suddenly okay with her action hero taking it up the ass," "I think that pretty much opens the path for you getting the lead in Hard Charger." "Of course if you're gonna be the next big action hero, you're gonna have to bulk up." "I'm a vegetarian." "Then you're in for a treat." "We're the top of the food chain, we can eat whatever we want." "What about its pain and suffering?" "I didn't feel a thing." "If God didn't want us to eat the meat, why did He make it so delicious?" "Besides, this isn't some Andy bullshit where you play a tortured love struck down and outer." "No, this is a full-on fight for your life, kill or be killed, hero gets the girl action movie." "Would you guys please just tell me what the hell it is you want?" "It's simple, really, we wanna make you dinner." "Hey Maurice, don't burn that garlic." "I'm not." "If you burn the garlic you know, you'll ruin the whole dish." "See, when you pan roast garlic you turning the starch into a sugar." "And then it makes it really sweet but then if you burn it, it makes it too bitter." "So it just takes a little bit of heat to render its sweetness." "Hey, you got fenouil?" " What?" " You got fenouil, you asshole?" "I don't know, I don't cook much." "Oh man, then you're in for a threat, man." "A home cook meal and Maurice, he is an incredible cook, he studied in Italy for 2 years." "2 and a half." "My bad." "Do you what Maurice is gonna prepare for your dinner?" "Your dick." "You're joking." "God no!" "Well that is a nice size of cock for a white boy." "You might have some leftover." "What do you want, please Jesus Christ?" "What do you want?" "You uh..." "You know what this shit is?" "This is gonna cauterize you so that you won't bleed to death while you're enjoying your dick dinner." "You see, first Maurice is gonna chop off your dick and then he's gonna slice it into bite size pieces to make it easier to chew." "And then we're gonna simmer with some tomatoes and some fenouil if you had some." "What do you want?" "I want you to stop asking dumbass questions and tell me what I came here for." "It's Tyreese." "Tyreese." "It's Tyreese." "The Prince?" "Yes, the Prince." "Thank you." "You need to seize in this butcher block." "It's drying out." "So that wasn't so bad was it?" "That was good..." "And thanks for the heads-up." "Did anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?" "No, you're the first." "Come on, you're on the verge of owning this town and that's the best you can do, some generic compliment?" "What exactly is beautiful about me?" "Be specific." "Is it my... my face?" "Is it my ass?" "My eyes?" "Yes and yes and..." "definitely yeah." " You're a moron." " And you're a nine." "Oh, only a nine?" "If you wanna be a ten, it's really simple." "Ok, enlighten me." "Shut up." "Good night, Holt." "Yeah, it could've been." "Yeah mate, you can be beaten in my own game, y'know." "Baby, you should stick till the end today." "Fool!" "You should have seen me last night by the airport." "Nigga was cleaning up." "That must've been with a broom cuz I ain't seen none of that here." " You got a point." " Gimme the cards, man." "My niggas." "Mind if I sit in a couple of hands?" "Shit man, your money feels just as good in my pocket as these punks'." "I'm gonna sit next to my boy." "Down with that Prince?" "Yeah, Tweedy, of course man." "Who's dealing?" "You're holding the cards man." "It must be you lucky night, boy!" "Somebody open a window, man." "It's hot in here." "So Prince, how's the man?" "It's good Tweedy." "Just in a little strained." "It's good." "Gotta take care of that shit man." "You can't play basketball if your knees are gone." " Am I right?" " True." "Listen I gotta little physical rehab tomorrow." "You can't win and run." "Sit down baby, hang out, sit down." "Yes, knees are very, very important." "Never mind basketball, it's every day walking around." "Playing with your kids...." "You can't even handle your business if your legs don't work." "Taking the interior crusier." "When that bitch pops..." "That's a world of hurt." "After that, the medial colateral..." "Shit!" "Here were talking major damage." "Now if done just right..." "I mean, say it was deliberate." "Chances are nigga never gonna stand up right again." "Never mind playing no basketball." "Lot depends on how it happens." "Fall on the court, knee on knee..." "Most likely: you walk away from those alright." "Four to six weeks, back covering Shaq's ass." "But say a pipe or baseball bat... those are different." "And some injuries permanent." "Meet my boy Aundre G." "You don't mind if he sits in, Andy?" "No, I'm good." "I got a call, cops were all over in my shit." "Worked out good, though." "Gimme the chance to have some quality time with Mr. G." "Give me come creative space." "Tweedy, no Tweedy, c'mon man!" "Tweedy, no man!" "Mama..." "You such a bitch Prince." "Have some dignity nigga." "You scared Prince?" "Go to church." "Tweedy does." "Tweedy loves church." " You worthless piece of shit!" " Now listen to me!" "They... they came to my house.." "They're gonna cut my dick off and feed it to me." " You gave up a source." " They were going to kill me." "He's done." "They don't even know if he's gonna live." "I did the same thing you'd have done if they threatened to cut your dick off." "You're a riot, Brent." "How do you even live with yourself?" "Excuse me?" "You blacmailed a man to get a story comes to fruition it's me who's the asshole?" "then threatened to ruin him and then when the shitstorm that you created comes to fruition it's me who's the asshole?" "Where are you in all of this?" "I'm sure as hell I'm not the one who gave up a source." "Give me a..." "You know what I remember when I first brought you in as the Editor of both Dirt and Now?" "You moved into Pembrock's old office and you had that beautiful antique mirror." "My God, it worths thousands." "First thing you did before anything else was having that taken down." " So?" " So maybe it's time to put it back up." "Is that what you think?" "That you can just shit all over me in this magazine?" "This is DirtNow!" "We've outsold every other weekly 2 weeks running and we're about to make it a 3rd." "So you listen to me, you insignificant piece of shit!" "You're giving me the story, because if you don't, DirtNow will have a camera... up your client's ass every second of every day." "If she so much as blinks at another contestant... we're gonna run she's screwing him." "Eevry pit stain, every ounce of cellulite, every photograph that makes her looks semi-retarded will be splashed full color in the pages of our magazine... and that's just at the top of my head." "Wait until I give it some real thoughts." "Now you've got 20 minutes to get her contestant-nailing ass over here before I make her a pinup girl for every STD known to man, and then some." " Lucy..." " I'm gonna run the story." "Cover inset." "Thank you." "No, thank you." "Is he friendly?" "Sure." " Bye." " Bye, bye." "You're gonna want to see this..." "Your friend Leo..." "turns out he is Lucy Spiller's brother." "That tabloid bitch?"