"THE NAKED COUNTESS" "Could someone switch the fucking radio off?" "It's a male corpse..." "He snuffed it on the way over here" "Unclothed, no clues about his identity." "The man was already dead by the time of the accident." "One bullet hole behind his right ear." "Suicide?" "Or murder." "The young man was under the influence of drugs." "Pot, I'd say." "The obituary will clarify this." "The innkeeper thinks she'd seen the two before." "Two or three times." "They always sat over there." "Him and the young lady." "According to the license plate, the car belongs to..." "Count Anatol Manesser-Mankonyí." "Shall we bring him in?" " No." "Leave everything as it is until I come back." "He's wetting his pants because of the Count." "Well, I'll notify the Count, but..." "There's somebody there." "He wants to talk to the Count." "The Count..." "is occupied." "What does it say there, anyway?" ""Leave umbrellas and bras at the door"?" "Some quote by Dante." ""Abandon hope, all ye who enter here!" [Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'entrate]" "I can surely do without that!" " Oh, you with your nonsense..." "Rubbish, I knew it!" "I can wait." " Because of the car?" "I can tell you right away who stole it." "That sleazy little bastard, that...." "Yes?" "Come with me!" "It's written above the 'Inferno'." "Where?" " Above the gates of hell." "Pig!" "But "pig" suits a pig... from a pigsty." "She should've stayed there, in her filthy pen." "In her pen, in her filthy pen!" "Report about the farm girl Verena S. Verena's teacher:" "Playful and often inattentive." "She could achieve more if she wanted to." "The priest's verdict:" "A dear child, naive and religious to the bottom of her heart." "She sings well." "And the lads of the village?" "Clean, bloody clean!" "A female friend of Verena's said:" "Well, she's good with animals." "The blokes are all after her!" "Why not?" "Sooner or later, she'll bite." "And then you'll have to be there, at the right moment." "You wish!" "She isn't curious about you." " We'll see." "She'll flush you down the pan!" " We'll see." "She's waiting for something better." " We'll see." "Report on the farm girl Verena S., Conclusion:" "She can, if only she wants to." "She sings well." "She's good with animals." "And she's good to fuck!" "I'll take the clothes." "Please." "You wanted to burn this?" "A thief's clothes." "He stole the car." "Naked?" "Why naked?" "It's all her fault." "Why didn't she stay in her pigsty?" "Filthy..." "Filthy!" "A coincidence." "Just an idiotic coincidence." "She was voted Miss Sauerkraut at a fair in her backwater home!" "We'll make a human eye out of that corn!" "Gosh, what have you done so far with your mouth, girl?" "Milking cows?" "For god's sake, act sexy, you... clod!" "Where would she have learned it?" "Not even a whorehouse in her hick town!" "Lick!" "You ought to know how to lick!" "If not, you can..." "you can lick my..." "She's too silly to even spread her legs!" "Venus-Shampoo!" "Venus-Shampoo for your hair!" "Venus-Shampoo makes your hair desirable!" "Wherever it is..." "Venus-Sham-Poo!" "Shame-Pube, Shame-Pube, Shame-Pube!" "Would you please take this..." " Of course." "The Count is expecting you." "That's not necessary anymore!" " He 'asks' them in." "My secretary mentioned car theft?" "A police investigation just for that?" " No, because of related circumstances." "Circumstances?" "I'm having guests." "We celebrate my wife's birthday." "Scorpion." "Pardon?" "I just deduced that the Countess was born under the sign of the Scorpion." "Oh?" "Have the police introduced astrological measures lately?" "You have to consider every possibility." "Consider whatever you like..." "But without me." "My house is at your disposal." "Clemens will give you any information you require." "Without reserve, clear?" "My secretary is informed about everything." "The truth, Clemens." "Nothing but the truth." "One should consider that, in a certain sense, he isn't normal." "He's sick." " In what sense?" "I mean, just in case there should be a trial, for instance." "Why should there be one?" " You mentioned "related circumstances"." "And what do you make of that?" "This is the photo studio." "The question is: what's your definition of "related circumstances"?" "That the Countess was born under the sign of the Scorpion, that there's one pistol missing from its place on this shelf," "The Countess's bathroom..." "what colour?" " Green." "You need to consider his state." " Yes, I know, he's sick." "With what?" "With what?" "She's his second wife, isn't she?" " Yes." "She was a model?" "Yes." "He met her at a fashion show." "Why should he buy her dresses, if he won't take them off her anyway?" "They say he's impotent." " No wonder he comes here..." "They say he's quite a pervert." "I don't know exactly what he does, but..." "They say he's incredibly nasty!" "I've heard so as well." "Sadism, or something like that." "Divorce." "He married her." "In church?" "A second time?" "It's a question of connections." "To Religion?" " To the Vatican." "Now!" "Goats and apes." "It's just a matter of perspective." "Marriage?" "All of that." "Those taboos." "Sex is like a pharmacy, full of drugs." "Different drugs." "One loves this, the other that." "You mean - perversions?" "Perverse?" "If one drug is unlike the other?" "Sex is like a good dinner." "Do you find oysters perverse?" "Hot." "I enjoy watching you eating oysters." "Really?" "You enjoy it?" "As much as you do." "Possession has nothing to do with an organ." "One doesn't have to possess a woman with the penis." " Then with what?" "With the male sex." "Even the hand is beautiful, more aesthetic, more precious." "And the eye... is perfect." "The most perfect organ of man." "I possess you with the eye." "With this." "With this!" "You dislike the Count." "I was ordered to give you any information." "Emphatically." "Yes..." "Who looks after the weapons?" " That's not one of my duties." "The Count is a passionate hunter." "Take this to my wife." " Yes, right away, Count." "I'm very pleased with you." " But... that's too much, Count." "There might be another job on the side for you." "Countess, I brought you..." "Very nice, I'm half frozen!" "Exercise." "My lady should move a little." "On this narrow spot?" "What kind of exercise?" "Well, just move a little!" "Like this?" "Rub my back, will you." "He's sick, you know?" "He can't be held fully responsible." "For what?" "He killed him." "Who?" " That young car mechanic." "How do you know?" " They kill everyone!" "Everyone!" "Who?" " They... the... the..." "The establishment." "Yes." "They manipulate, they frustrate, they..." "Yes, yes, yes." "The usual collection:" "establishment, manipulation, frustration." "Usual?" "Usual, until people come and slit them open... and use their blood to write "P" on their door." " Pig!" "Pig?" " Excuse me." "So this means a lot to you?" " I can prove it." "Come with me." "So it is written, of sins, there are seven, and those are the sins, those are the sins that are called the deadly sins." "The first is called pride, hatred is the second, whereas the third one's swigging and stuffing, until you don't know yourself anymore." "Then, lust is number four," "Five, being idle as a beast!" "Six, avarice at all times!" "Then, envy's the only one missing." "Pride, hatred, gluttony, lust, idleness, avarice and envy!" "Those are the sins of yesterday and today, the seven sins everyone commits, the seven sins no one ever regretted, since this earth has been spinning around." "Those are the sins of yesterday and tomorrow, the seven sins that will always remain, and nobody ever thinks or worries, until we decline because of them." "What does it say?" ""Abandon hope, all ye who enter here!"" "The Count's journal." "Journal?" "It contains more notes on expenses than diary entries." "Expenses?" "It's the Count's custom to pay the men that sleep with his wife." "Anatol, we are dying of boredom!" "I can certainly tell from your laughter!" "I'm not bored inside my throat..." "Well, where then?" "Lower, much lower!" "I've never heard you laughing down there." "The vocal chords are already ruined down there." "Anatol, you are fantastic." "It's not surprising." "Why?" "I'm...." "What is that perverse state of idiots called?" "Happy?" "Right." "Don't smooch around, I'm already hot enough!" "You promised us a party, Anatol." "Isn't that so?" "One of your special parties." "A gentleman's word." "Clemens?" "I wouldn't even stick your secretary on my hat, not to mention someplace else!" "Count?" "Bring in the guests, Clemens." "So you actually arranged a party?" "One of my original surprise parties." "I always wanted to get to know you, sweetie!" "Simply ingenious, I must give you that." "And then the liftboy knocks at the door of the love hotel:" ""Miss Whore, stop fucking, the $10 bill is forged!"" "Whiskey?" "What did you say?" " Oh, nothing." "Cheerio." "Impotent..." "It's customary to shoot impotent studs." "Cheerio." "You are leaving?" "May I see the Countess's bathroom?" " Of course." "That man... that man from the police, he..." "Yes." "It's alright." "Is something the matter?" " You're right." "None of my business." "You can believe me or not." "I don't care." " I'm not after scandalous stories." "I know." "They're allowed to do anything." "Everybody is allowed to." "As long as it's on the right side of the law." "And what's on the right side and what isn't... is determined by those shitheads." "The glass wall..." "What?" " The glass wall." "He had had a glass wall installed in her room." "There!" "It's ready." " Good." "Not too much of it, Rena." "It makes me horny." "Not anymore, from a certain point on." "From there on, poison makes one immune to sex." "You can't do that to me." "I can't?" "Well?" "Is this on the right or the wrong side of the law?" "Voilà!" "The Garden of Delights, today!" "Pure porno!" "Hieronymus Bosch!" "Excuse me?" " 15th century." "Just as well." "There." "Do you believe me now?" "Who destroyed all that?" " This room isn't my responsibility." "Off limits." "And apart from that, I couldn't care less." "Why don't you live in a commune, if all this makes you vomit?" "Why are you taking a salary from people... that you hate?" "Do you know who really sickens you?" "You yourself." "People's fancies nowadays...." "Fucking high society!" " Shut up." "Is something wrong, Count?" "No, it's just like... like a drug." "Sex." "From a certain point on... the effect ceases." "The two of them are instructed?" "The most wicked of the vulgar, is that clear?" "Clear, asshole." "Out!" "Get out!" "Rena has changed, so..." "Something must have happened to her..." "Hello!" "Hello!" "I want to get out of here!" "I want to get out!" "At last!" "There's something wrong..." "It seems like it." "He doesn't want to." " What an idiot." "Why?" " If he doesn't want to with you, he's an idiot." "My car, of course." "Pardon me, ma'am." "I'll see to it right away." "Anton Lenz, car mechanic." "Count, you are a swine." "A mean swine." "Because I take such pictures?" " No, because you show them around." "That's the whole point." "Pictures without a viewer are dead." "Well, well, well..." "Why not me?" "What can you offer?" " You name the price!" "There's no price for it." "Prices, Galupia..." "I'm a great lover, I really am!" "I can do it hard and often!" "And I'm very well-endowed!" "Really!" "I believe you, Galupia." "You're a man of honor." "At least, as far as your penis is concerned." "What do you know about this car mechanic?" "It was... approximately a month ago." "He brought back the car." "Nothing else." "Well, it's because of the way you drive." "I mean, you drive awfully." " You said that." "And that's what you meant." " True." "Well then, at least show me what I'm doing wrong." "Do you understand what I mean?" "I think I understand precisely what you mean." "What do you mean?" " You know very well what I mean." "Hey, nobody said anything about talking a walk!" "No, that's not it..." "I..." "Excuse me for a moment, ma'am." "Madam!" "Where are you?" "Did you hurt yourself?" "Rena!" "Rena!" "Whoever reaches her first can have her!" "Is that clear, gentlemen?" "I'll give the starting signal." "Attention!" "Ready..." "Quick!" "Let's get out of here!" "Out!" "I want to get out of here!" "Something must have happened to that young car mechanic." "What?" " There must be a reason why that policeman is so thorough..." "What is he after?" " Murder, if you ask me." "I did it!" "You did what?" " I killed him." "Who?" " You know who." "And why?" "She betrayed him." "With that sleazy bastard!" "I..." "it started like this:" "They spent more and more time together." "They met secretly." "This is for your thoughts at this moment." "Thanks." "I'd like to pay." "Bread... and wine." "Bread... and wine..." "Bread and wine..." "Bread and wine..." "Bread and wine..." "Don't!" "That's pot." " It's okay." "I don't want this." "Are you already starting to boss me?" "Don't be an idiot!" "Aren't you going to regret it?" " No." "The sooner, the better." "Tonight." " Alright." "Shall I pick you up here?" "Wait for me at the inn." "You know the one." "When?" " No one will notice..." "It might get late." "I'll just sneak out of the party at some point." "I see." "You must leave now." "Use the servant's entrance." " Yes." "Don't forget to come!" "Idiot..." "You're back already?" "And you're leaving?" "The hairdresser's." "Don't forget to come back." "Who would forget to come to their own birthday party?" "Ciao." "I have the custom of paying my wife's lovers." "But she hasn't told me your price yet." "That's not true!" "It's not true!" "But of course it's true." "You'll be amazed, young friend!" "Wait!" "Why are you running away?" "Well, young friend?" "See for yourself how much truth there is to my claims." "No!" "No!" "And then..." "I went after him and..." "Yes?" "...and killed him." "How?" "You know how." " Yes." "I know." "I did it!" "You did this." "No." "Suicide." "We'll go home." "Come." "Suicide." "You could also call it a perfect murder." "Those people can get away with it?" "They are punishing themselves." "Goats and apes." "Those are the sins of yesterday and today, the seven sins that everyone commits, the seven sins no one ever regretted, since this earth has been spinning around." "Those are the sins of yesterday and tomorrow, the seven sins that will always remain, and no one ever thinks or worries, until we decline because of them." "Pride, Hatred," "Gluttony," "Lust," "Idleness," "Avarice," "Envy!" "So it is written, of sins, there are seven, and those are the sins, those are the sins that are called the deadly sins." "The first is called pride, hatred is the second, whereas the third one's swigging and stuffing until you don't know yourself anymore." "Then, lust is number four," "Five, being idle as a beast!" "Six, avarice at all times!" "Then, only envy is missing." "Pride, hatred, gluttony, lust, idleness, avarice and envy!" "Those are the sins of yesterday and today, the seven sins everyone commits, the seven sins no one ever regretted, since this earth has been spinning round." "Those are the sins of yesterday and tomorrow, the seven sins that will always remain, and nobody ever thinks or worries, until we decline because of them." "Subtitles by Draxtra, AnDeRsSoN and RudolfLemkeSchmidt - 09/11"