"I'm telling you, Vince walking in right when you're about to tell Henry you love him -- weird." "It was weird." "It's weird every time I see Vince." " Is it weird now?" " No." "Why?" " Hey." " Hey." "Hi." "Hey, can you guys sit somewhere else?" "Holly and I are kind of in the middle of something weird." "Fine -- we've got some weird stuff to talk about, too." "Hey, man, you think it would be weird for a dog to marry a bird?" "So the thing is" "Henry and I are so good together when we're alone, but when Vince is around, it's really weird." "Must be really weird when Henry and Vince are in the same room." "It's the weirdest." " Is it weird now?" " No." "Why?" "Hey." "Quit doing that." "How's it going?" " Not good." " Why?" "What's the matter?" " I just got into a huge fight with my dad." " What about?" "I tell him that I'm thinking, just thinking, about going to Columbia instead of his precious Princeton, and he freaks." "Whoa, when did that happen?" "I thought that you were definitely going to Princeton." "I don't want to be away from you, and if my dad can't handle me going to Columbia, it's too damn bad, and that's what I told him." "Wow, you said that to your Dad?" "Yeah, and he gave me that" ""As long as you live under my roof" crap, so you know what?" "I'm not living under his roof." "So then where are you going to live?" "I don't care." "I'll find a place." "I'm not going back there." "You can crash with me until you find something." "No, he can't." "I..." "I just mean that -- don't you have a roommate?" "He's in L.A. for three weeks." "Yeah, but he could come back unexpectedly." "I mean, come on, it's L.A." "Their governor is a robot from the future." "Or, you know, he could love it." "How perfect is this?" "It's quite a situation." "Now come on." "Let's go get you a key made" " and head on over." " Okay, yeah." "I'll call you later." "Okay." "Bye." "âª We going to get some keys made âª âª We going to get some keys made âª" "âª You really know how to dance âª âª When you go up, down, jump around âª âª Talk about true romance âª âª Yeah âª" "âª Keep on whispering in my ear âª âª Tell me all the things that I wanna hear âª âª 'Cause it's true âª âª What I like âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª âª That's what I like about âª âª Hey âª" "âª Uh-huh âª âª Uh-huh âª âª That's what I like about you âª" "So now Henry and his dad are in such a huge fight that he moved out, and guess who he's staying with " " Vince." " That sucks." " Get out." "Yeah, I know, and now they're making this big dinner for everybody tonight, and how uncomfortable is that going to be?" " You must feel horrible." " I do." "No, I mean Val." "Yeah, your sister's got two boyfriends, and you have none." "And do you want to know why you have none?" "Because you won't admit that you and Peter are supposed to be together." "Yuck." "Okay, Holly, will you tell her?" " Yeah, well " " What are the odds?" "He shows up in the same city in the same hotel in the room right next door to you." "It was coincidence." "It was fate." "Will you tell her, Holly?" "Yeah, I " "You and Peter are just so meant to be together." "Otherwise, you would not have kissed him, right?" "Right." "Ha!" "Okay, I did not kiss him." "He kissed me." "For 14 seconds?" "Confidential." "[ knock on door ]" "Hi." "Hey." "Ow!" "That was really nice of you, letting Henry crash with you." "He's a good guy." "Yeah, you know, he is a good guy." "He's a good boyfriend, he's a good person." "He's really fantastic at everything." "This box is heavy." "Sorry." "Go ahead." "What is it?" "It's for Val." "Ooh, for me?" "From who?" "Here's the card." "It's from Peter." "[ gasps ] Ow." ""I hope you enjoyed Chicago as much as I did."" "Mm." "Oh, Chicago-style pizza." "Kielbasa?" "A Cubs baseball cap?" "Oh, that is the most romantic thing I've ever seen." "Kielbasa." "Hey, I'm heading back there." "Anything you want me to tell Peter?" "Oh, no." "Just tell him I said thank you." "Any -- anything else?" "No, unh-unh." "Just thank you." "That's it?" "That's all I get -- "thank you"?" "You were standing out there waiting to see what I would say?" "Yeah." "Yeah, and I got to tell you, I'm a little disappointed." "I mean, I was really hoping for something like" ""Oh, he's so sweet"" "or "How thoughtful"" "or "I can't wait to kiss him again."" "Ow." "Seriously, don't do that again." "Okay, that kiss -- it was an accident, all right?" "It was not supposed to happen, so just forget about it." "You loved it." "I bet you came back here and told those two all about it." "I did not." "You two kissed?" "And it lasted 14 seconds?" "I just don't understand why you kicked Peter to the curb." "Stapler, please." "Just tell me why." "Because I need to put these two pieces of paper together in a permanent-type fashion." "But he likes you so much, and I know you like him." "Yes, I do." "I like him a lot, okay?" "And that is the problem." "Now give me the damn stapler." "What is the problem?" "When we were in Chicago, he told me to my face how much he hates commitment." "That is exactly what I went through with Jeff." "Why would I do that again?" "Because you haven't had sex in a year." "Hi." "Wow." "Who are you dressing for -- your boyfriend or your boyfriend?" "Shut up!" "Henry is my boyfriend." "Hmm, Val doesn't have a boyfriend." "Shut up!" "Hey, Holly, do you believe" " Val running into Peter in Chicago was fate?" " Yeah." "Okay, do you believe Val kissing Peter was fate?" "No, that was her not having had sex for a year." "Night." "So you're telling me that you don't believe in fate, ever." "No." "Mnh-mnh." "No fate." "Okay, come here." "Then how do you explain this?" "That is a speed-dating web site." "Exactly." "You were supposed to be making me a spreadsheet." "Which is fate." "If you had hired someone who knew how to do a spreadsheet, she never would have found this web site." "It's fate." "You don't know how to make a spreadsheet?" "I don't even know what it is." "But may I remind you that you hired me because I'm pushy, I don't take crap from clients, and I'm a people person." "That's true." "Okay, look, you don't have to go out with Peter, but you got to meet someone." "Not like that." "That is so not me." "Okay, fine." "But if you don't go, I don't go." "Eventually, Holly will move out." "I'll take her room, and then it's you and me together now and every New Year's Eve." "I'll get our coats." "[ knock on door ]" "[ Gary ]:" "Coming." " Hi." " Hey." "Oh, cool place." "We brought cake." "Oh, what smells so good?" "That's Vince's tortellini." "Why don't you two sit down, and I'll get you something to drink." "Yeah, here, let me take your coats." "Holly." "Tina." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "You doing okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "I'm actually doing a lot better than I thought." "[ Tina ]:" "How about now?" "I've had a setback." "Hey, girls." " Hey." " Hi." "You paint?" "Yeah, I fool around with it." "It kind of helps me relax." "How's, uh, how's my tortellini?" "Oh, it smells great." "Is it done yet?" "Let's see." "Got it?" "Here, Tina, try this." "Mmm." "That's amazing." "All right." "Holly?" "Oh." "Ha ha." "I'll just " "Oh!" "Aah!" "Okay." "Hey, Tina, look at that huge TV." "Let's go see if it's bigger than you." "I have to get Henry and get out of here." "This is way too uncomfortable." "I know." "Look at him." "He looks unbelievable in that shirt." "And now you find out he cooks, he paints -- how sexy is that?" "This is helpful." "Look, I need to be alone with Henry right now." "Um, I'll come back and pick you up later, okay?" "Oh, who plays guitar?" "Oh, I do." "Oh, I got to go." "No, no, unh-unh." "I'm not into, you know, superficial stuff." "A guy doesn't have to be tall, doesn't have to be all muscular, doesn't have to have a ton of hair." "Does he have to have a personality?" "[ bell dings ]" "Okay, that's three minutes." "Gentlemen, please move to another table." "I hate you." "Do you hate me now?" "Hi, little guy." "Hi, I'm Val." "You have an incredible body." "Look, I know we've been instructed not to say what we do for a living, but, uh, I just sold a little pipe company, and I'm worth 8,600,000 buckaroonies." "Ding." "Oops!" "Time's up." "So what do you do for fun?" "I collect butterflies." "I'm a lesbian." "Making a getaway?" "Oh, big time." "I'm right behind you." "Hey, did I talk to you?" "No, you definitely didn't talk to me." "Isn't this the most incredibly horrible thing you've been through?" "I know." "The whole process is stupid." "How can you even get to know someone in three minutes?" "I proposed to my wife after six weeks, but this is ridiculous." "You have a wife?" "Because I think that might be against the rules." "No, no." "I..." "I lost my wife two years ago, which is the reason my friend's been pushing me to come to one of these things." "Oh, I'm sorry about your wife." "Thanks." "I don't usually drop that on people so fast, but I'm still in that "spill your guts in three minutes" rhythm." "Yeah." "I went out with a guy for a year, he told me he didn't want a commitment, we broke up, I don't like onions on my pizza." "Ding." "Ha ha." "I'm Jack." "I'm Val." "It's really nice to meet you." "You're the first normal person I've met all night." "That one over there, the Olympic skater?" "Yeah, she's a little nuts." "Yeah." "Okay, let's check how many responses I got." "Already?" "We just left 20 minutes ago." "Ha." "There's a reason it's called speed dating." "Those people are desperate." "Lauren, you're one of those people." "I did not go there to meet men." "I went there for you." "I really don't even care." "Oh, my God!" "I got one!" "I got one!" "I'm getting married!" "Which one is it?" "Russell." "Russell." "Russell." "Oh, I remember." "He's the tall, red-headed guy who's the sports fanatic." "You hate sports." "No, it's okay." "I'm going to change him." "Okay, let's see if you're getting married." "Hey, how are you getting into my e-mail?" "You don't know my password." "Ooh, your birthday." "I cracked the code." "Oh, my God!" "You got one, too." "I did?" "Oh, no, no." "It's not that short guy with the curly hair and the boogie, is it?" "You know, I wouldn't write him off." "It's probably gone by now." "No, it's from Jack, the guy you weren't even supposed to meet." "Do you see what I'm saying about fate?" "Ooh, look, he wants to meet you tomorrow morning for coffee at Dean  Deluca's." "Ooh, let's see that." "Oh, that is so sweet." "Aw, your first date with your new boyfriend." "I..." "I don't know." "Oh, come on." "This guy will obviously commit, okay?" "He was married, and he didn't break it off." "She crapped out on him." "Ha ha ha ha." "Hey, where'd everybody go?" "I don't know, but it looks like they saved us some cake." "Oh, yeah." "Hey, I'm sorry I made us miss your dinner." "You worked so hard." "No, no, that was a great idea you had." "I think we needed to spend some time alone." "I mean, when was the last time we did that?" "It seems like there's always somebody else around." "I know." "I like when we do this, you know?" "When it's just you and me, everything's, like..." "Like what?" "It's just better." "[ girl giggling ]" "[ Vince laughing ]" "Sounds like Vince has some company." "Oh, my God." "What?" "Tina's bag." "Vince and Tina hooked up?" "That's awesome." "Isn't that awesome?" "Hey." "Hey." "Ooh, I love your new desk." "Really?" "Want to make out with it?" "Ha ha." "What?" "I just know how much you like making out with everything, regardless of how it makes your friends feel." "What are you talking about?" " You and Vince?" " What?" "Henry and I came back, and we heard you guys." "You know, it's like my friendship means nothing to you." "Are you insane?" " How would you like it if I did that to you?" " Did what?" "Whatever you and Vince were doing in his bedroom." " We were painting." " Huh?" "He was showing me how to paint." "What is wrong with you?" " You were just painting?" " Yes!" "Yeah, that's what I told Henry." "Hey, you hungry?" "No, no, no, get back here." "You -- you thought I was with Vince?" "Yeah, I'm sorry." "I was wrong." "It's no biggie." "Oh, no, it's a hugie." "I mean, first of all," "I would never do something like that to you." "And second of all, don't you think it's a little weird that you're getting all freaked out about me and a guy who is not even your boyfriend?" "Okay, I said I'm sorry." "It's over." "No, you see, it's not over, and it's not going to be over until you get your act together and figure out what the hell it is you want." "Ugh." "I got stood up." "What?" "That is not possible." "He loves you." "Yeah, apparently, not so much." "Okay, well, maybe he left you an e-mail." "Your sister's insane!" "Yeah, well, I haven't had sex in a year!" "Nothing." "Damn." "You know, something is wrong, because you are not the stood-up type." "I'll bet you've never been stood up in your whole life, have you?" "No." "I hate you." "Okay, look, obviously, something happened to him." "Maybe we should check the hospitals." "I did." " It's all falling apart." " What?" "My life." "Last night, Henry and I left Vince's for a while, and when we came back," "Tina and Vince were in his bedroom, and I accused her of doing stuff with him." "Tina was with Vince?" "Yeah, but they were painting." "Each other?" "No." "Now, I have to go meet Henry and convince him to move out of Vince's." "Otherwise, my life is over." "Well, Holly, wait." "I have to go." "Bye." "You know what?" "Maybe I should go after her." "No, look, she's got two boyfriends, okay?" "You're too pretty to be alone." "Look, I promise, she's going to be fine, okay?" "But we got to find Jack." "Where does he work?" "I don't know." "We only talked for, like, 15 minutes." "Okay, well, what did he say?" "He must have said something." "I don't know." "Uh, he likes kids, he lives alone, and he goes to the batting cages." " Let's go." " Where?" "The batting cages." "No, we are not going to the batting cages." "Unh-unh." "I'm not chasing after him." "Besides, there's, like, a one in a million chance he'll be there." "Well, that's right, and if your true love is there, then you'll know it was fate." "And if he's not?" "They have bumper cars." " Okay." " Okay." "So I was thinking about you and your dad and how great your relationship is." "Actually, he's distant and unemotional." "Which is why you have to work even harder." "So that's why I think that you need to move back home -- tonight." "What's going on?" "Nothing, nothing." "I mean, if you want to go to Columbia, fine." "If you want to go to Princeton, fine, but I think that's a decision you should make at your parents' apartment." "Okay, you're obviously not telling me something." "I don't know what it is, but when you're ready to tell me, call me." "At your parents' apartment?" "Lauren, I'm leaving." "We have looked in every batting cage." "No, but people are coming and going." "Let's just make one more round." "This is ridiculous." "I'm going -- wait a second." "I think that's him." "That could be him." "Oh, I knew it!" "Wait, no, no, no." "I..." "I'm not positive." "Well, I am." "That man whose butt looks so magnificently tight in those jeans is your soul mate." "Now come on." "You go." "Wait, no, no." "He stood me up." "Maybe he doesn't want to see me." "Okay, listen, did you ever think that maybe you're the first person he's had feelings for since his wife took a dirt nap?" "And maybe he's just so nervous that it's too much to handle." "Okay, I'm going in." "Okay, you go get 'em, tiger." "Very firm." "Thanks." "Excuse me." " Peter?" " Hey." "Holy crap!" "What are you doing here?" "What are you doing here?" "Batting balls." "Huh, so you tracked me down again, didn't you?" "No, no, unh-unh." "I'm here to see someone else." "This is just a weird coincidence, is what it is." "It's a coincidence, I tell you." "You know what?" "I can't play these games with you anymore." "Listen, Val," "I'm crazy about you, and I think you feel the same way." "I'm going to Italy tomorrow morning." "I'll be back at the end of the month." "And when I come back, I'm going to call you, and I'm going to ask if we're worth taking a shot." "Because I think we are." "Now get out of the cage." "These balls come through here at about 85 miles an hour, and I don't want to lose you." " Now can we go on the bumper cars?" " Yeah." "Hey, hey." "What took you so long?" "I thought you were all perceptive." "Didn't you hear the pain in my voice?" "I ordered you a turkey burger." "Great." "What happened?" "Okay, well, Henry won't move out, and he thinks that something's going on with me, because something is going on with me, and I don't know what to do anymore." "Henry, Vince, Henry, Vince -- aah!" "Help me fix it." "Okay, calm down." "Listen to me, okay?" "You're just... going through a thing." "And it's hard." "Huh?" "Yeah, I know." "Look, I feel really bad for you, but, um, maybe I'm not the perfect person to advise you right now, because the truth is, um..." "I'm kind of screwed up myself." "Aw, but what am I going to do?" "Okay, unfortunately, you're going to have to make a decision." "I mean, you cannot keep stringing Henry along if you're having these feelings for Vince." "It's just not fair." "What?" "I ordered you a turkey burger."