"This is madness." "What can you have been thinking?" "You are the slayer." "Lives depend upon you." "I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, instead of which you enslave yourself to this... this..." "Cult?" "You don't like the color?" "I don't..." "Do you, um..." "Do you ignore everything I say as a rule?" "No." "I believe that's your trick." "I told you, I'm trying out for the cheerleading squad." "You have a sacred birthright, Buffy." "You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people." "And as the watcher, I forbid it." "And you'll be stopping me how?" "Well, I..." "By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists." "I will still have time to fight the forces of evil, OK?" "I just..." "want to have a life." "I want to do something normal." "Something safe." "Giles didn't approve, huh?" "He totally lost his water." "We haven't seen a vampire in over a week." "I'd say he should get a girlfriend if he wasn't so old." "Well, we're behind you." "People scoff at things like school spirit, but look at these girls giving their all like this." "Ooh, stretchy." "Where was I?" "You were pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in revealing postures was a spiritual experience." "Who said I was pretending?" "Oh, hey." "Here's a good luck thing for tryouts." "What's this?" "What's that?" "Well, how sweet." ""Yours always."" "It came that way, really." "They all said that." "Just look at that Amber." "Who does she think she is, a Laker Girl?" "I heard she turned them down." "OK, listen up." "Let's begin with..." "Amber Grove." "If you're not auditioning, move off the floor." "Amy!" "Hi." "Hi." "I didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader." "You lost a lot of weight." "Had to." "Do you know Buffy?" " Hi." " Hi." "Oh, how I hate this." "Let me count the ways." "She trained with Benson." "He's one of the best coaches money can buy." "They have cheerleading coaches?" "Oh, yeah." "Don't you have?" "I train with my mom:" "3 hours in the morning, 3 at night." "Hmm." "That much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide." "Oh, I know it's hokey, but she's really great." "Hmmph." "" Yay "" "" Yay "" "What the..." "" One more time "" "" Yay "" "That girl's on fire!" "Enough with the hyperbole." "It's OK." "It's OK." "You're gonna be OK." "Oh, God." "I've been slaying vampires for more than a year now, and I have seen some pretty cringe-worthy things, but nobody's hands ever got toasted before." "I imagine not." "So... this isn't a vampire problem." "No." "But it is funky, right?" "Not of the norm?" "Quite." "Spontaneous human combustion is rare and scientifically unexplainable." "But there have been cases for hundreds of years." "Usually all that's left is a pile of ashes." "That's all that would've been left if it hadn't been for Buffy." "So we have no idea what caused this?" "That's a comfort." "But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth." "There's a veritable cornucopia of fiends and devils and ghouls to engage." "Well, pardon me for finding the glass half full." "Any common denominators in cases of spontaneous combustion?" "Uh, rage." "In most cases, the person who combusted was terribly angry or upset." "So maybe Amber's got this power to make herself be on fire." "It's like the human torch, only it hurts." "I need to get the skinny on Amber." "Find out if she's had any colorful episodes before." "That means hacking illegally into the school's computer system." "At last, something I can do." "I'll ask around about her." "You guys don't have to get involved." "What do you mean?" "We're a team." "Aren't we a team?" "Yeah." "You're the slayer, and we're, like, the slayerettes." "I just don't like putting you guys in danger." "Oh, ha!" "I laugh in the face of danger." "Then I hide until it goes away." "OK." "Just... walk softly, at least until we know a little more." "I mean, what if Amber isn't causing these problems herself?" "Well, then we have to determine who... or what did and, uh, deal with it accordingly." "Hey." "Hi." "How was school?" "Mmm." "A reverent joy." "What's all this?" "It's for the tribal art display." "Cool." "We had tryouts today." "Oh, great." "How'd it go?" "I didn't actually get to try out." "There was an accident." "Pretty fierce competition, though." "Oh, I know you'll do fine." "Keep on pluggin'." "Just have to get back on the horse." "Hey, Mom?" "Yeah?" "What was I trying out for?" "Oh, uh... some activity?" "I have no idea." "I'm sorry." "That's OK." "Your platitudes are good for all occasions." "I'm distracted." "I got a lot of inventory to go through here." "This is my gallery's first major show." "You know, it might not physically kill you to give me a hand here." "It was cheerleading." "Oh, good!" "I'm glad you're taking that up again." "It'll keep you out of trouble." "I'm not in trouble." "No, not yet." "I mean, you stopped cheerleading just before the trouble, so it's good you're going back." "Oh, dear." "What?" "The fertility statue..." "You don't need to see it." "You know, there's this girl Amy, and, um, she trains with her mom, like, 3 hours a day." "Uh-huh." "It sounds like her mom's pretty into it." "It sounds like her mom doesn't have a lot to do." "Jeepers." "Despite the terrible thing that happened yesterday, we still have to pick new cheerleaders." "If you make the team, you'll find your names posted in the quad after lunch." "Let's begin with group performance." "Why do my hands have to sweat when I get nervous?" "Don't worry." "You'll do great." "5, 6, 7, 8!" "Sunnydale!" "Sunnydale, we never fail!" "Never fail!" "Jump and shoot, swish and score!" "The other team is such a bore!" "Yeah!" "You saw that, right?" "That wasn't me." "You saw that, right?" "Right?" "That's my mom." "No." ""Catherine Madison."" "Get down with your bad self." "Her nickname was Catherine the Great." "She took that team and made them tricounty champions." "You know, no one's ever done that before... or since." "She and my dad were homecoming king and queen." "They got married right after graduation." "That's kind of romantic." "Well, he was a big loser." "Never made any money." "Ran off with Miss Trailer Trash when I was 12." "OK, that part's less romantic." "My folks split up, too." "Drag, huh?" "He left my mom with nothing." "She put herself through cosmetology school." "Bought me everything I ever wanted and never once gained a single pound." "Uh, she sounds really great, I mean, but, um... it doesn't mean that you need to lock step as far as this cheerleading thing." "She was the best, and I can't get my body to move like hers." "I choked in there so bad." "No, Amy, you did fine." "I'm going to get changed." "Wait." "No, A..." "Hey, Amy." "Is she OK?" "No." "She's wigging about her mom, the big cheer queen back when." "Yeah, her mom's kind of..." "Nazi-like?" "Heil." "If she gains an ounce, she padlocks the fridge and won't eat anything but broth." "So mommie dearest is really..." "Mommie Dearest." "There's a bitter streak, but Amy's nice." "We used to hang in junior high." "When her mom would go on a broth kick," "Amy would come over to my house, and we'd stuff ourselves with brownies." "Hey, any word on Amber?" "Nothing thrilling." "Average student, got detention once for smoking." "Regular smoking... with a cigarette, not, like, being smoky." "All pretty normal." "So we just have to wait and see what happens." "Maybe nothing will." "I have a dream." "It's me on the cheerleading squad, adored by every varsity male as far as the eye can see." "We have to achieve our dreams, Amy." "Otherwise, we wither and die." "Look, I'm sorry about..." "Shh!" "If your supreme klutziness out there today takes me out of the running, you're going to be so very beyond sorry." "Have a nice day." "I told Buffy about Amber." "Cool." "Was she wearing it?" "The bracelet, she was wearing it, right?" "It's pretty much like we're going out." "Except without the hugging or kissing or her knowing about it." "So I'm just a figure of fun." "I should ask her out, right?" "Won't know until you ask." "That's why you're so cool." "You're like a guy." "You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff." "Oh, great." "I'm a guy." "Oh, hey, they're posting the list." "I can't take this." "Yes!" "Cover me." "I'm going in." "You're lucky." "I made it?" "I made it." "One of those girls hit me really hard." "They should test for steroids." "OK, not only did you make the team, but you, Miss Summers, are the first alternate, and Amy's number 3." "What a better way to celebrate than with a romantic drive through..." "Xander, alternates are the ones who didn't make the team." "They only fill in if something happens to the ones who did." "Excuse me." "For I am Xander, King of Cretins." "May all lesser cretins bow before me." "At least it's over." "And you know what I think we should do about it?" "Brownie pig-out, my house, after school." "Just how many more hours a day can I practice?" "How much more can I do?" "This would never have happened to my mother." "Never." "Give me the power." "Give me the dark." "I call on you, laughing gods." "Let your blackness crawl beneath my skin." "Accept thy sacrifice..." "Cordelia." "Feed on her." "Look what I found." "It's my yearbook from junior year." "Oh, look." "There I am." "Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex." "I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair." "This is Gidget hair." "Don't they teach you anything in History?" "Well, it's really cool, but I gotta book." "Well, I was thinking." "I know the cheerleading thing didn't work out." "Maybe you should think about joining the yearbook staff." "I did it." "It was a lot of fun." "Not really my tip, Mom." "I was photo editor." "I got to be on every page." "Made me look much more popular than I was." "Have you seen the kids that do yearbook?" "Nerds pick on them." "Some of the best times I had in school were working on the yearbook." "Well, this just in..." "I'm not you." "I'm into my own thing." "Your own thing, whatever it is, got you kicked out of school, and we had to move here to find a decent school that would take you." "Honey." "Oh, great parenting form." "A little shaky on the dismount." "Cordelia, you haven't been mean to me all day." "Is it something I've done?" "OK, see how she has no clue that I'm even a mammal, much less a human being?" "I see that." "This is the Invisible Man Syndrome, a blessing in Cordelia's case, a curse in Buffy's." "You're not invisible to Buffy." "It's worse." "I'm just a part of the scenery, like an old shoe or a rug that you walk on every day but don't even really see." "Like a pen that's all chewed up, and you know you should throw it away, but you don't, not 'cause you like it so much more 'cause you're just used to it..." "Well, yeah, that is the point." "You don't have to drive it through my head like a railroad spike." "I'm going to take your advice and not beat around the bush." "Or I could be wrong." "Maybe you should beat around the bush more." "No." "I got to be a man and ask her out." "I got to stop giving her I.D. bracelets, subtle innuendoes, taking Polaroids outside of her bedroom window late at night." "That last part is a joke to relieve the tension because here she comes." "OK, into battle I go." "Would you ask her out for me?" "No." "Man." "Me battle." "Buffy." "Would you like to..." "Is that even Cordelia's locker?" "Huh?" "Oh, I don't know." "What I'm saying is accompany me Friday night." "I have to, um..." "We can pick this up later." "You don't mind, do you?" "Nice of you to join us, Cordelia." "We didn't keep you waiting or anything, did we?" "It's your turn to drive." "OK, people, let's buckle up." "I don't want to drive today, Mr. Pole." "You've flunked Driver's Ed." "twice already." "Show me some moves, or you'll be taking the bus to college." "OK, check the brake." "Check the mirror." "Start the engine." "Hello?" "Put the car in drive." "Let's move forward through the cones with a gentle, even turn to the..." "Aah!" "Oh!" "Slow down." "Slow..." "Slow!" "Turn right!" "Aah!" "Slow down!" "Brakes!" "Brakes!" "Brakes!" "Everybody out!" "Aah!" "Oh, my God!" "I can't see anything!" "Oh, God." "What's happening?" "I can't see anything." "Witchcraft." "Blinding your enemy to disorient and disable them is... it's classic." "First vampires, now witches." "No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale." "Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?" "Maybe because they met her?" "Did I say that?" "And setting Amber ablaze?" "Yeah." "Those guys don't hang." "They're both cheerleaders." "Someone doesn't like cheerleading?" "Or likes it too much." "Amy." "Amy." "So you guys are leaning towards Amy." "She's desperate to get on that team, and I've had this feeling she'd do just about anything to make her mom's dream come true." "Let me make sure I have this right." "This witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader?" "I think you're underestimating the amount of pressure a parent can lay on you." "If you're not a picture-perfect carbon copy, they tend to wig." "Cheerleading was kind of her mom's last hurrah." "Look, we still have to stop Amy." "We should grab her and..." "I think we should be sure she's the witch before we arouse her suspicions." "She's capable of some very unpleasant things." "OK, all right, so you're in high school." "You are desperate to make the team and please your mom, so you turn to witchcraft." "What's the first thing you're gonna do?" "Check out the books on witchcraft." "Uh..." "No!" "That would be the last thing you would do." "You don't want to leave a paper trail." "Forget that." "It'll just take a minute." "We don't have a minute!" "Cheerleaders are in danger." "Buffy's in danger." "You were the first alternate." "You are on the team now that Cordelia's out." "You could be next." "We gotta get you to a safe house." "Xander..." "Yeah." ""Witches:" "Historic Roots To Modern Practices. "" "Checked out by Alexander Harris." ""The Pagan Rites. "" "Checked out by Alexander..." "All right." "All right." "It's not what you think." "You like to look at the semi-nude engravings?" "Oh, well, uh..." "I..." "I guess it is what you think." "Have you quite finished?" "We have to find a conclusive test." "There may be something in here." "Yes, this should do it." "You'll need some of her hair... a little quicksilver, and... some aqua fortis." "Well, that's just mercury and nitric acid." "You can get that in the science lab." "" Heat ingredients and apply to witch." "If a spell has been cast in the previous 48 hours, the witch's skin turns blue."" "Oh, dear." "Only you'll need some eye of newt." "Those of you in track one may begin your dissections... now." "Those of you in track two, take your hydrochloric acid and your ammonium hydroxide and carefully... pour them into... your beakers." "Now slow... slow." "I can't." "Counting one..." "and being safe." " And you get..." " Eye of newt." "that." "How's Buffy doing with the hair?" "Isn't this exciting?" "Oh, yeah." "Amy, help me." "Um, which is the hydrochloric acid, and which is the ammonium hydroxide?" "Well, the bottle that says "hydrochloric acid"" "is usually the hydrochloric acid." "Read the bottles." "What a concept." "Oops." "Wave hi to the nice little witch." "All set." "Do you have a plan?" "Spill it on her, try and make it look natural." "We're right behind you, only... further back." "Lishanne, can you tell me why these chemicals have this reaction?" "Lishanne?" "Are you..." "Oh, my God." "Did you see?" "Amy was as freaked out as the rest of us." "So it's not her?" "The test was positive." "She's our Sabrina." "I just don't think she realizes what she's doing." "Well, should we talk to her?" "I think we should talk to her mother." "I wonder if she knows what she's created." "Where are you?" "Another productive day in front of the TV?" "I got a history report due tomorrow." "Write it." "I should be on that team by now." "Instead, Miss Buffy and friends are sneaking around, stealing bits of my hair." "I'll be upstairs." "Oh!" "Oops." "" Macho, macho man "" "" I want to be a macho man "" "" Macho..." Ooh, hey, juice." "Mmm." "Quality juice." "Not from concentrate." "You're in a good mood." "I am." "I'm on the squad, which is great 'cause I feel like cheering and leading others to cheer." "Ooh." "Hey, juice." "Listen, honey, about yesterday..." "Mmm." "That is totally yester." "Besides, it's not like you were wrong, y'know?" "I did get kicked out of school." "I'm just wacky that way." "Still, I just want you to know that, despite the problems you've had..." "Mom, you just don't get it." "And, believe me, you don't want it." "You know, there are just some things about being a vampire slayer that the older generation..." "A what?" "It's a..." "long story." "Buffy, are you feeling well?" "Oh, I'm..." "I'm fine, y'know?" "What, I can't be in a good mood?" "Like, a new house rule?" "Fine." "Y'know, I'm just fine, fine, fine, 'cause " I'm a macho, macho man "" "" I want to be a macho man "" "" Macho, macho man "" "" I want to be..."" "5, 8, 7, 8!" "Turn up the music!" "Ow!" "Get it together, Buffy!" "We have a game in less than 4 hours." "Willow!" "Xander!" "My buds are here!" "I love my buds!" "Hi!" "Hi..." "Oh..." "Is it me, or is Buffy a bit looped?" "We'd better get her out of there." "Yeah." "Before she..." "Aah!" "Hurts someone." "Did I do that?" "You are so out of here." "It's not her fault!" "She's on medication." "Obviously not enough." "Who's our next alternate?" "Oh..." "Amy, you just made cheerleader." "No, no, no, you don't want her." "She's a..." "wiiii..." "A wise choice, indeed." "She's a witchy." "Buffy." "I just got kicked off the team, didn't I?" "I don't think it was your fault." "Mmm." "I know you don't." "That's 'cause you're my friend." "You're my Xander-shaped friend." "Do you have any idea why I love you so, Xander?" " We gotta get her to a..." " Let her speak." "I'll tell you." "You're not like other boys at all." "You are totally and completely one of the girls." "I'm that comfy with him." "That's great." "Any other guy who would give me a bracelet, they'd... wanna date me and be like a..." "Oh..." "I..." "I don't... feel so good." "Buffy?" "We've gotta get her to a hospital!" "We've gotta get her to a hospital!" "They can't help her." "This is a bloodstone vengeance spell." "Hits the body hard like a quart of alcohol, and then it eradicates the immune system." "Vengeance spell, like she's trying to get even with Buffy?" "'Cause she knows I know she's a witch." "The others she just wanted out of the running." "You she intends to, um..." "Kill." "How much time do we have?" "Oh, uh, I-I'm sure, uh..." "The truth." "Please." "A couple of hours..." "3 at the most." "Well, how do we reverse the spell?" "Well, I-I've been researching that, and, um, we can reverse all the spells if, um, we can just lay our hands on... on Amy's spell book." "And if we can't get ahold of it?" "Well, the other way is to, uh, cut the witch's head off." "Show of hands." "It's not Amy's fault." "She only became a witch to survive her mother." "Look, I don't care why." "I just care that you go on breathing." "Giles, where would she be casting these spells?" "Well, she needs a sacred space." "A pentagram, a large pot." "Her home." "OK." "Help me up." "We'll just..." "go to her house, and we'll get her book." "OK." "We'll go with you." "Uh, no." "You guys stay here and keep an eye on Amy." "And keep her away from the science lab." "We'll need it to cast our counterspells." "Who are you?" "What, um, uh..." "Is there something wrong?" "Mrs. Madison, we need to talk to you about your daughter." "I'm not allow..." "You'll have to come back later." "Excuse me." "What?" "!" "You all right?" "Um, in here." "Your daughter is meddling with something very dangerous." "Are you aware of that?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "Oh, I think you know only too well." "You've got to go." "She's gonna be home soon, and..." "This girl is very sick." "Now you will shut up, and you will listen to me." "Your daughter has access to some very powerful magic." "Somehow, your obsession with cheerleading..." "I don't care about cheerleading!" "It's not my fault she's doing stuff." "As her mother, you should assume some responsibility for her actions." "Ha ha!" "Well... you know, these kids today..." "She's out of her mind." "Ever since Dad... her dad left, I can't control her." "You're afraid of her." "Amy?" "Are you Amy?" "I don't understand." "She switched." "She switched your bodies, didn't she?" "Good Lord." "She wanted to relive her glory days." "She said I was wasting my youth." "So she took it." "I didn't know anything about her powers." "When my dad was here, they would fight and yell, and he would call her a witch." "And, I mean, I just thought he meant..." "Oh, God, when he left, I wanted to go with him." "But she wouldn't even let me call." "She went crazy." "I mean, she'd lock herself upstairs for days, and she was always coming down on me and telling me I didn't deserve to have it so easy and that I didn't know how hard it was to be her..." "I guess she showed me, huh?" "Amy, it's gonna be OK." "A few months ago..." "I woke up in her... her bed." "I didn't know where I was, and..." "Then I looked in the mirror." "She locked herself upstairs?" " Yes." " Where?" "Don't!" "If she finds out I've been here, she'll kill me." "My God." "I believe we can reverse your mother's spell." "Well, all of them, in fact." "You could?" "Really?" "You could?" "We need to find her books." "There'd be specific..." "volumes she'd need for this kind of casting." "Collect those dolls and, uh, any other personal..." "Nice... kitty." "Let's see what you were guarding." "Ah, yes." "This is it." "Did we find?" "We found." "Come on." "Where are you going?" "We're going to school." "And you're coming with us." "I'm going to stop this." "I promise." "Oh..." "How is she?" "We only have a few minutes left." "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go!" "6, 7, 8..." "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go!" "6, 7, 8..." "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go!" "6, 7, 8..." "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go, Sunnydale, go!" "Go!" "Right." "Here we go." "The center is dark." "Centrum est obscurus." "The darkness breathes." "Tenebrae respiratis." "The listener hears." "Hear me!" "Go!" "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8!" "1, 2, 3... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5," "6, 7, 8!" "Oh, it's... it's working!" "Unlock the gate." "Let the darkness shine." "Cover us with holy fear." "Show me..." "Amy, what's your problem?" "She's coming!" "Amy." "Get out of my way!" "W-Wait." "I..." "I need to talk to you." "I..." "I can help you." "Help me?" "With what?" "Well..." "Well, you know, uh, your witchcraft?" "I..." "I know this really good cauldron." "Do you actually ride a broom?" "Xander!" "Corsheth and Gilail... the gate is closed." "Receive the dark." "Release the unworthy." "Take of mine energy and be sated!" "Be sated." "Release the unworthy." "Release!" "Release!" "Release!" "Buffy?" "Amy?" "You..." "You..." "You..." "You little brat." "Mom... please..." "How dare you raise your hand to your mother?" "I gave you birth." "I gave up my life so you could drag that worthless carcass around and call it living?" "You've never been anything but trouble." "I'm going to put you where you can't make trouble again." "Guess what?" "I feel better." "That body was mine." "Mine!" "Oh, grow up." "Unh!" "I shall look upon my enemy..." "I shall look upon her, and the dark place will have her soul." "Corsheth, take her!" "Hyah!" "Aah!" "Well..." "Well, that was, um... interesting." "You guys OK?" "I'm fine." "I assume, the, uh..." "All the spells were reversed." "It was my first casting, so, uh..." "I may have got it wrong." "You saved my life." "You were a god." "Well, I didn't think you'd pull it off." "I got her!" "I got her!" "Cut her head off!" "Xander, what are you doing?" "Saving you?" "Get your hands off of her." "But she's evil." "It wasn't exactly her." "I was my mom." "Oh." "Where is she?" "!" "Uh, hey, Willow, it's cool." "It is?" "Yeah." "I took care of it." "I don't get it." "What?" "I've been doing a lot of thinking about... where you're coming from, how to relate to you." "And I've come to a very simple conclusion." "I don't get it." "I'm inscrutable, huh?" "You're 16." "I think there's a... a biological imperative whereby I can't understand you because I'm not 16." "Do you ever wish you could be 16 again?" "Oh, that's a frightful notion." "Go through all that again?" "Not even if it helped me understand you." "I love you, Mom." "I don't get it." "I don't get it." "My dad is so impossible." "He doesn't ever want me going anywhere!" "He wants to spend total quantity time together." "And I'm like, " Dad, I can go out." "It's perfectly safe."" "But he's got all this guilt about leaving me with my mom, and he's being a total pain." "You're loving it." "Every single minute." "This Saturday night, he wants to stay in and make brownies..." "Well, the brownies were my idea." "Hey, I'm really sorry you guys got bumped back to alternate." "Hold it." "Wait." "No, I'm not." "Well, I know I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with my arms." "Ooh." "These grapes are sour." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I forgot that you wanted to be on the squad." "Oh, hey, that's OK." "Cheerleading's just a little too hairy for me these days." "That's for sure." "Catherine the Great." "And there's been no sign of her?" "That last spell, she said I'd never make trouble again." "Wherever she is, I don't think we'll have to worry." "Twisted." "I'm just happy to have my body back." "I'm thinking of getting fat." "You know, I hear that look's in for spring."