"Having trouble focusing lately?" "I've gone blind, Mabel!" "I'm blind!" "Lost your way?" "You're going to hell!" "AAH!" "Don't worry." "If your number's up, might as well enjoy some quality tales of death and dying." "We've got a tourist who got antsy..." "An amish dude who found sin." "Yeah!" "An insufferable surfer..." "A chess player who got fried..." "A trucker who got trucked..." "A crook who got crushed..." " Ah!" " Try some more." "And a couple of yahoos who got shined." "aah!" "It's a fresh batch" "Of homemade mortality..." "Called 1000 ways to die." "Death is everywhere." "Most of us try to avoid it." "Others can't get out of its way." "Every day, we fight a new war against" "Germs," "Toxins," "Injury," "Illness," "And catastrophe." "There's a lot of ways to wind up dead." "The fact that we survive at all is a miracle." "Because every day we live..." "We face 1,000 ways to die." "On africa's serengeti plains," "The one species of wildlife you don't ever" "Want to encounter..." "The american tourist." " Do you people not know how to pave a road?" "Herb and miranda were spoiled trust funders" "Who were used to getting their way." " I need to see an animal pronto." "If their guide" "Couldn't find them any wildlife to ogle..." " I would settle for a zebra." "Boring!" "They'd find it themselves." "We're gonna go off" "And we're gonna have a real safari, all right?" " Can you please get back in the jeep?" " I expect you to be back here at 6:00" "To pick us up, okay?" " It would be incredibly idiotic" "To try to trek across the savannah" "Without an experienced guide, fresh drinking water," "And thorough planning." "The list of different animals that could kill you" "In the serengeti goes into the dozens." "And on top of that, you have the harsh environment," "Extreme heat, and lack of water." "Three and a half hours later," "The siblings were predictably and dangerously lost." " I feel like we're going in circles." " We're going in the right direction." "Would you just trust me?" "The 118-degree heat was taking a toll." "The bratty couple were feeling the fatigue" "Of accelerated dehydration." "By the time they found shade," "Herb and miranda were dizzy and nauseous." "They passed out within minutes." "What happened next can only be described" "As bad to worse." "An entire colony of driver ants, 50 million strong, were on the move." "And made a new home for themselves" "Inside herb's body." " Driver ants are exceedingly dangerous," "And the attacks are very common." "And each one of the big soldier ants," "Which are the ones that do the damage," "Are nearly an inch long." "And when our victim fell unconscious with his mouth open," "Ants went in his throat, bit him, injected the acid," "His throat swelled and he asphyxiated," "And they devoured him from the inside out." "Just chowed him down." "Miranda was lucky." "She was spared" "Because the perfume she was using" "Contained tricyclo decenyl aloe ether," "A chemical found to repel insects." "50 million in your bank account..." "That means you get to act like world-class brats." " I need to see a lion, pronto." "50 million ants down your throat..." "That means you're dead." "It's Halloween night." "Check out the kid in the amish costume." " Hey!" "Hey, you!" "Nice costume!" "Come inside and party with us." "All:" "Come on!" "But..." "It's no costume." "The kid is jebediah." "And he's an amish young man on a trip to the big city" "To see how the outsiders live." "It's a rite of passage called rumspringa." "Amish youth are encouraged by their elders" "To explore and experiment for a couple of months" "Before buckling down to a lifetime" "Of all work and no play." " Rumspringa translates to "running around,"" "Or "running and jumping," actually." "It's a period where amish kids get to sow their wild oats." "They basically abuse alcohol, smoke cigarettes," "Try recreational drugs" "All the stuff that normal teenagers do." "Except they're coming from such a closed community" "That it's all very new and exciting to them." "At first, jebediah was overwhelmed." " You're going to hell!" "Ah!" "Until he met a hot nurse" "Who took the innocent lad under her care." " The nurse knows what's best." "Soon enough, jebediah was corrupted." " Can we get another one, please?" " Whoo!" "Yeah!" "Drink, drink, drink!" " Drink!" "And hammered." " Whoo!" "Ice luge, yeah!" "But before he could even experience" "The joys of his first hangover..." "The amish farm boy hit the deck" "And never got up." "Are you okay?" "Jebediah was unaware" "Had a genetic condition" "That left him unable to process alcohol." "His body didn't produce an enzyme called aldh2." " Acetaldehyde hydrogenase is an enzyme" "That breaks down the alcohol within the liver." "When the gentleman drank," "This alcohol just went straight into his system," "Un-broken-down, and became a toxin" "And started to shut down some of the major organs." "The amish try and isolate themselves" "To lead pure and simple lives." " Come inside and party with us." "Jebediah came to the big city" "And learned a hard lesson." " You're going to hell!" "Aah!" "The amish are no different than anyone else." "Everybody dies." "Coming up..." "This dude wished his truck didn't keep on trucking." "And a surfer gets waxed" "By his own board." " I got something to show you here." "you finally got a car." " I did, I did." "Leonard finally" "Saved up enough money to buy a car." "It wasn't anything flashy." " So?" "It's a good, solid car." "Kinda like leonard." " It's my first car." "But he wasn't" "The only one who got new wheels that day." "Oh, boy." " Yo, lenny!" " Hey, todd." "Todd was leonard's obnoxious, gloating cousin." " So this is the new ride, huh?" "Yeah." "Unlike leonard," "Todd didn't have to work for his ride." "Mommy and daddy got him anything he wanted." " Check out my new car, dude." "I just got it!" "Look, 22-inch chrome wheels, automatic running boards," "L.E.D. Running lights, dvd player..." "This speaker system, it's amazing." "A real eight ball on my stick shift, dude." " The people who drive these big, oversized cars" "Tend to be intrusive with their personality." "They intrude upon other people's private space," "And interfere with their life." "The coolest feature of todd's new truck..." " What do you think this is?" "He could start it while standing outside it." "Although the manufacturer warned against" "Installing the remote start function," "Todd went for it anyway." "He probably should've thought this one through" "A little better." "While showing off his eight ball," "Todd left the truck in gear." "when it started," "The heavy truck lurched forward," "Popped out of gear..." "And gave todd a flat head." " A one-ton truck is gonna just start to" "Crush down on your skull, there's so much weight." "And you have pulverized tissue on the inside of your brain." "It's all gonna be mush." "Todd thought his tricked-out truck" "Made him cooler than anyone else." " A real eight ball on my stick shift, dude." "but all it really did..." "Was make him deader." "The beach is a great place to relax." "Buparking's a bitch." "Unless you're hank." "What's up, ladies?" "The perfectly healthy slacker" "Had no problem using handicapped spots." "Pat had lost his leg in 'nam." "But the only thing he felt his country owed him" "Was a place to park." "Hey, man, what's the deal?" " You talking to me?" " You don't have a handicap." "You don't need to park there." " Hop back to your car." " These people who don't have a handicap placard" "Parking in these disabled spots..." "Oh, my god." "I go crazy." "Whenever I see someone who's parked in the handicapped spot," "I wait until they go inside," "And then I write a nice little note on their car..." "With my key." "Hank wasn't just a jerk." "He was a coward." "Instead of confronting pat face-to-face," "He peeled out." "oh." "Bummer, dude." "The 12-foot board pivoted sideways" "From the quick acceleration." "The tail caught the handicapped sign," "And forced the front of the board" "Into the back of hank's head." " The surfboard hit this gentleman's head" "In just the right spot and it severed" "His spinal column from his brain stem." "The body cannot receive any signals to operate" "So these organs just basically stop." "This caused death within seconds." "This surfer punk" "Would run over his granddad for a parking spot." "Hop back to your car." "But now instead of hanging ten..." "He's deep sixed." "Welcome to hell, hank." "You can park here as long as you like." "Up next..." "It's man versus computer in a chess match to die for," "And a chop shop chopper winds up on the chopping block." "Aah!" "In the 1970s, soviet russia" "Didn't have rock stars." "They had chess grand masters." " Ha!" "If you wanted" "Special treatment and all the perks" "Of the communist party, you just had to beat" "Everyone else in the world at this brainiac board game." "Meet nikolai." "He was on top." "And wanted to stay there." "He knew his next loss could find him" "In the deep freeze of siberia." " It's a really big deal to play chess in russia." "In the soviet era, it was in fact" "Completely state supported," "And so no one had to worry about earning a living." "They just had to learn about playing chess very well." "Nikolai was about to play" "The most important match of his life." "His opponent, the comrade 5000" "A chess-playing computer." "Its inventor had boasted his machine" "Could outplay any human," "Even the unbeatable nikolai." "The comrade was able to move its pieces" "On a powerfully charged electromagnetic board." "Soon enough, nikolai realized he was involved" "In the game of his life..." "Or for it." "Each move brought the comrade closer" "To penetrating nikolai's strategy." "Nikolai started to sweat." "Profusely." "He had the comrade in check" "And went in for the kill." "But it was nikolai who went down." "The chess pieces were made of a highly conductive alloy," "And the inventor had failed to ground the board properly." "This design flaw was nikolai's undoing." "When nikolai's sweaty fingers made contact" "With the chess piece..." "It was checkmate" "For the ill-fated master." " Because of the sweat, the electrical circuitry" "A short in the mechanism-- actually allowed" "A significant voltage of electricity" "To pass through his finger." "As it passes through the body, it's gonna kill the organs" "And then it just passes out and goes back to ground." "Our poor little chess player, he's cooked." "When it came to chess," "Nikolai ruled the world." "But when the king met the future" "In the form of a computer," "He met his match." "Here's how it works..." "These two mooks just stole a car," "And now they need to dump it." "So they go to the neighborhood chop shop" "To try and get the best price." "What?" "Sal's the guy they gotta talk to." "But whoever said there was honor among thieves" "Never met this rat bastard." " 50 bucks." " 50 bucks?" "Come on, man." " Here's 50 bucks." "Take it or leave it." " Over the last several years," "The rate of stolen vehicles per year" "Has been about 900,000." "You're talking about $6.4 billion per year" "In stolen vehicles and parts." "Sal screwed them good." "The car was a junker, but the engine was a jewel." "A 550-horsepower crate engine" "With modified aluminum headers." " Oh." "He could get $600, easy." "Idiots." "Chop shop sal got to chopping." "Besides ripping off other criminals," "Sal had another talent." "With his trusty acetylene torch in hand," "He could reduce a full car to pieces in minutes." "Carving an engine out of this heap of scrap metal" "Was kid's play." "But even chop shops have to deal with" "The realities of a global economy." "The motor was made in the u.S.A." "The chain holding it up..." "Made in china." " With 700 pounds landing on someone's chest," "This severe blunt force" "Would cause the ribs to fracture," "Our heart and lungs to be squashed." "It would even cause our eyes to pop out," "As well as significant internal bleeding" "And immediate death." "Sal was a bottom-feeding crook" "Who liked to jerk people's chains." "50 bucks." "But in this one-man chop shop," "Sal found out the hard way." "He was his own weak link." "You wanna stop drinking?" "Just watch this next tale of alcohol abuse." " I've gone blind, mabel!" "I'm blind!" "Jeb and his wife mabel" "Are dirt-poor mountain folk" "Living in the heart of the depression." "They dreamed of one day living a life of luxury" "And enjoying the finest things money can buy." "But they weren't dreaming." "They were dying." "In 1925, prohibition was in full swing." "The liquor industry went underground." "The only people making any money in jeb and mabel's town" "Were bootleggers." "And jeb wanted in." " I'm gonna make hooch in the radiator." "We're gonna make, like, $1,000." "Jeb's first batch of shine started flowing." "This is like gold." "He and mabel were so excited" "They toasted." " Baby, try some more." "Okay." "Mm." "Unfortunately, what they were drinking" "Was something called the foreshot." " The foreshot is usually the first batch" "Of the still process." "That is methanol." "And methanol is wood alcohol." "Moonshiners used to cheat on the shine" "Trying to make the fast buck." "They would add the foreshot 'cause they wanted to make their shine" "The most potent and powerful 'cause that's what the city folk wanted." "The one thing prohibition accomplished" "People drank a lot of bad booze." "Jeb and mabel made the mistake of drinking their own." "Pour me another one." "Even though jeb and mabel" "Were now drinking shine," "The foreshot they started with" "Was metabolizing in their livers," "Converting to formaldehyde, and then to formic acid." " Methanol is also broken down into formic acid" "Within the retina itself." "This formation of formic acid" "Within the retina actually causes blindness." " I don't know, I feel kinda weird." " Are you okay?" " My eyes, like, just hurt." " What, what's wrong?" " I can't see!" "I'm blind, I'm blind." "I've gone blind, mabel!" "I'm blind!" " This build-up of formic acid" "Would've caused metabolic acidosis," "Which would've dropped his ph to a level" "That's not compatible with life," "And his organs would've began to shut down." "His heart would've slowed down," "His kidneys would've slowed down," "And ultimately his brain" "Would just stop functioning." "This here's the story of jeb and mabel," "Husband and wife with no food on the table." "So they whipped up some moonshine" "In the back of their shed." "But they didn't get rich, just drunk..." "And then dead."