"(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)" "(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)" "(INAUDIBLE)" "Have you ever been to the governor's mansion?" "Don't be ridiculous." "That'll be a $1.75." "What're you doing after work?" "Flying my private jet to the Bahamas." "Really?" "I got a place there." "Sure you do." "(MUSIC STOPS)" "LYNN:" "Pretty little place right on the beach." "Could I give you a little advice?" "You need to work on your pick up line." "No one's gonna believe that you live in the governor's mansion." "Not a chance." "You don't think so?" "You have any suggestions?" "Well, I don't know." "Let me see, maybe something like..." "BANDIT:" "I'm sorry, I forgot to pay for my beer." "No, I think we need something better than that." "What do I owe you?" "For what?" "(CHUCKLES) For the beer." "I took a beer off of your tray and I didn't pay you for it." "Oh, don't worry, it's on the house." "Thank you, that's real nice." "I suppose a five ought to cover that, then." "I'm Becky." "Becky Winters." "Nice to meet you, Becky." "And you are..." "Bandit." "Bandit?" "Yep, that's what they call me." "Bandit?" "I thought you were going to give me some suggestions." "Honey, I suggest you take a lesson from him." "I don't know how you do it, Bandit." "Every time you walk into a room every beautiful woman turns to look at you." "You know I got the rig outside." "Well, you still haven't told me where we're going." "I know." "Hi, Bandit, we're going to the lake tomorrow." "You want to come with us?" "Wow." "Cindy, I would love to, but, you see, I have something else that I got to take care of." "Sorry, darling." "You expect me to get up at the crack of dawn, sneak out of my house, meet you on the highway, head off for some unknown destination for who knows how long or for what reason without any explanation from you?" "Yes." "If my dad finds out, I'm dead." "Lynn, don't worry about the governor." "You're gonna be back before he even knows you're gone." "Shut your mouth!" "(GRUNTING)" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Buddy, we don't want any trouble here." "(GRUNTING)" "(MUSIC STOPS)" "(GROANING) (MUSIC RESUMES)" "Bandit!" "Thanks." "(GRUNTS)" "(RECORD SKIPS)" "(WOMEN SCREAMING)" "What time tomorrow?" "We'll be on the road by about 6:00 a.m." "(GRUNTING)" "(RECORDS SKIPS)" "Am I gonna be home for supper?" "Absolutely, buddy." "(MUSIC RESUMES)" "(RECORDS SKIPS)" "You ever been to the governor's mansion?" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "(GLASS SHATTERING)" "Need a ride home?" "Oh, man, thought you'd never ask." "BANDIT:" "You want me to drive?" "WOMAN:" "No, I can handle it." "BANDIT:" "Okay." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(SINGING UPBEAT COUNTRY SONG)" "(ALARM RINGING)" "(sums)" "Lamar." "Beautiful morning, isn't it?" "I'd love to stay and chat, but I really gotta go." "Where are you going?" "TO Play golf." "You forgot your clubs." "(SOFTLY) Yeah, well, they're in the car, okay." "Listen, the last time you ran off with the Bandit, your daddy had my hindquarters for breakfast." "Bandit?" "What makes you think I'm running off with the Bandit?" "Now, that is his rig parked behind the greenhouse." "I saw it on my early morning rounds." "You know, Lamar, you've done some great detective work, but I've gotta go." "Yeah, thank you." "Wait a minute!" "What am I going to tell your daddy, the governor?" "(PHONE DIALING)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "(PHONE RINGING) Hold on, Lynn." "Hold on, I'm coming." "Hello, you've reached Bandit, live." "You're on the air." "Not only am I on the air, I'm also on the road." "That's more than I can say for you." "What are you talking about, buddy?" "Of course, I'm on the road." "You're never on the road when you say you're gonna be." "You gonna tell me where we're going yet?" "And take all the mystery out of it?" "Why would I do that?" "I'll see you when you get there." "Bye." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(POLICEMEN CHATTERING)" "POLICEMAN:" "What's he doing?" "Look out!" "Oh, damn, I haven't even had my first cup of coffee yet." "I'll drive." "(SIRENS WAILING)" "Good morning, boys." "Looking good." "Rookie, that's a damn good way to lose your job." "(ENGINE SPUTTERING)" "(SIRENS WAILING)" "(ENGINE STARTING)" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(BANDIT LAUGHING)" "Goddamn, you boys are getting better." "Two things I hate are Mondays and rookies." "(ROMANTIC COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)" "(sums)" "(TRUCK HORN BLARING)" "What took you so long?" "Still don't want to tell ol' Lynn what this is all about, huh?" "Did I ever tell you about my hometown?" "It's quiet, peaceful little corner of paradise, buddy." "You haven't been home for five years, now all of a sudden, you got to be there right now, today, this afternoon, urgent." "Did I mention beautiful women?" "What are we waiting for?" "(CHUCKLES) All right!" "Say, as hot as that engine is, I'd say you've been here about 45 seconds." "Buddy, that's 45 seconds too long." "Let's go." "Let's do it." "Poor boy." "Code 12." "Code 12?" "BANDIT:" "About dead ahead, up half a mile." "I'm gonna have to catch up with you later, son." "I thought you were in a big hurry." "Ah, but never in too much of a hurry to help someone in need." "How you doing there?" "Okay, so where you headed?" "North." "Where does it look like I'm heading?" "Hitch-hiking huh?" "It's a little dangerous these days, wouldn't you say?" "How about I just drop you off at a bus station?" "You do know how to drive a car, don't you?" "So, you just slip this car in gear and give a little gas." "North it is." "(CAR REVVING)" "TEACH:" "I told you this was a bad idea." "I told you we should have got a real pilot, but, no, you had to come up with this retired bank truck driver." "Oh, he's a certified flyer." "He's your cousin!" "He's my cousin and a certified flyer." "TEACH:" "He's your cousin with a learner's permit!" "I'm telling you he'll get us to the concert safe and sound." "I keep seeing my life flashing before my eyes." "And it isn't a pretty sight!" "Bread man, will you explain to this unbelieving Thomas that everything's under control." "May day!" "May day!" "We're going down." "TEACH:" "We're going down?" "Bandit, you got your ears on?" ""Bandit?"" "Yeah, that's my name." "Bandit." "What other hideous things did your parents do to you?" "You know, you could use just a little bit of work in the social graces department there, little lady." "Screw you." "I take it back." "You could use a lot of work." "Bandit, you there?" "Yeah, I'm here." "Go ahead, Poor boy." "Take a look at them Flying Wallendas up there." "The way that plane's smoking I'd say they could use a little help." "Do you know how to drive a car?" "In my sleep." "Good, well let's see how you do awake." "I was happy teaching, "Good morning children," and I could've stayed with it." "But, no, not me." "I had to go into management and travel." "WOMAN:" "Hold it steady, Poor boy." "Bandit's coming aboard." "MEL:" "All you do is look at the negative." "Why don't you try to look at the good side of things for a change?" "We have an idiot for a pilot." "We are gonna crash and die!" "Will you please tell me what the good side is to this situation?" "Jeez, take a look at that." "Look!" "Oh, look." "(MEN CHATTERING)" "MEL:" "You see?" "Now, sometimes you just have to face..." "You just have to face and look on the positive side for a change." "TEACH:" "Look out, this is not even the passing lane." "BREADMAN:" "Will you stop hollering in my ear?" "(BREADMAN EXCLAIMING)" "MEL:" "I told you." "He knows what he's doing." "TEACH:" "He sees the tree?" "MEL:" "Of course, he sees the tree." "Do you think he's blind?" "BREADMAN:" "What tree?" "(TEACH SCREAMING)" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(SCREAMING)" "Come on, Bandit." "Bring him on in, buddy." "(BOTH SCREAMING)" "TEACH:" "No, no!" "N'), "b, no'.!" "Yeah!" "(LAUGHS)" "Cool." "All right!" "One of these has your name on it, Bandit." "Look, I've got to get Mel Tills to this concert." "I mean, it's urgent." "I mean, people are depending on it." "Are you sure you don't have anything that moves, that has wheels, a tractor, a trailer, a truck, anything at all?" "I'll make it worth your while, sir." "How about a hundred bucks?" "No." "They'll take care of the pilots." "We're on our way." "Bandit." "Yeah, yeah, just a sec." "I thought you were in a hurry." "Never in too much of a hurry to help someone in need." "Excuse me, buddy." "So, Mel Tills, he's a pretty big star." "He must really rake it in." "What does he take in, like 50, 50 grand for a day?" "Yeah, something like that." "Look, if you'll excuse me... $50,000!" "That's..." "I can't imagine making that kind of money." "(LAUGHS) Sometimes we make more." "I booked him into Las Vegas last year, and we got 120 grand." "$120,000!" "That's a lot of money." "Of course, you don't make that kind of money without great management." "Of course." "Hey, Teach." "You don't have to worry about the Breadman anymore." "He's gonna be okay." "Melvin, please, I'm busy." "You see, so it seems to me that it'd be worth your while, maybe worth more than a couple of hundred bucks to get you to the airport." "How much more?" "Oh, say half?" "What are you talking about?" "Half?" "I get you to the airport, I drive 200 miles out of my way, and yes, you give me half of what he makes." "Half of everything, or half of what comes out of his pocket?" "His pocket." "That's a deal." "(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY) Great." "Now we got to get there for the sound check." "No problem." "Thank you." "What are you talking about?" "Trust me." "What the hell are you doing?" "Trust me." "I got us a couple of passengers." "Hey!" "Wait for me." "Oh, you know it's..." "I'm not gonna be going north anymore, it's more like east now." "That's even better." "I mean, it's west." "Hey, I'm Easy." "Oh, boy, if you're easy, I don't want to see difficult." "Well, we can't just leave her on the highway." "BANDIT:" "No, no, we couldn't." "That wouldn't be fair to the unsuspecting motorists." "Lynn, I'd like you to meet..." "I'm sorry, what was your name?" "I told you, I'm Easy." "Easy?" "Yeah, where do I ride?" "(LAUGHS) Good luck, partner." "Gentlemen." "Right this way, ma'am." "Look at these wheels." "Oh, this is great." "That way we'll go to the fat cattle show." "What fat cattle show?" "Get these in here." "Come on." "LYNN:" "So, hey, you ever been to the governor's mansion?" "TEACH:" "We're never gonna make the 12:00 noon flight." "There's another one at 2:30." "All right." "Well, I've got to drop the rig off," "I've got to see a certain party about a small matter, and we'll be on our way." "You called my cousin an idiot." "Well, you see, if we make the 2:30, we'll get there in plenty of time for the sound check." "Piece of cake." "You insult my cousin," "(STUTTERS) you insult the whole Tills, the whole Tills..." "All of us." "Melvin, your cousin is an idiot." "I mean, that is not an insult, it is a fact!" "That does it." "Step outside!" "Step outside!" "We're in a moving car, for God sakes." "Would you please say something?" "Do something!" "BANDIT:" "You shouldn't have insulted his cousin." "Just tell him that you didn't mean it." "I didn't mean it." "(MUMBLING)" "There, he says he didn't mean it." "And promise you'll never do it again?" "And he says he'll never do it again." "Come on now." "EASY:" "Do you guys always act this weird?" "Yeah, pretty much." "Cool." "You shouldn't insult people's families." "You should know better." "Just drive." "And this promises to be the biggest founder's day celebration ever." "One hundred years of tradition tied up in a ribbon." "And speaking of ribbons, let's have a big round of applause for our lovely Miss Bear River winners, from the south, Tami." "(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)" "And from the north, Marcy." "(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)" "And coming up, the bare knuckles contest, the crackshot competition." "And don't forget our grand finale parade through town." "We've got line dancing, we got marching bands, we got everything... (HORN BLARING)" "What's this?" "I've just been told that at this very moment, that our very own local legend, the Bandit, is making a surprise visit home." "Let's get on over there and give him abigo!" "'countrywelcomehome !" "(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)" "(STUTTERS) Where'd all these all these people come from?" "Well, they're family mostly." "Believe it or not." "At least half of them." "The half that like us." "What about the other half?" "Well, hopefully we won't be here long enough for them to do us too much harm." "What is this, some kind of circus of the geeks?" "Have a little respect for tradition, will ya?" "The crackshot competition is coming up." "You better get over there for the drawing." "In the meantime, the bare knuckles contest is underway." "(AUDIENCE CHEERING)" "Excuse me, boys." "Bandit!" "Oh, you sweet-smelling, fast-talking, good-looking hunk of man, come here, hug my neck." "Oh, great to see you, Patsy." "PATSY:" "You are a sight for sore eyes." "Yes, it's been a long time." "You're looking fine there, woman." "Well, Lord knows there's plenty to look at." "BANDIT:" "Sure is." "Well, well, well." "What we got here?" "A twin pack." "BANDIT:" "Yes, as a matter of fact, these are two friends of mine and I was wondering, Patsy, if you could keep these two boys occupied for about five minutes while I go pay a visit to an old friend over there." "PATSY:" "You know I can." "Doreen, incoming." "(AUDIENCE CHEERING)" "Beth." "Wow, I'm really happy to see you." "I was kind of thinking you'd be mad at me." "You look more beautiful than ever, if that's possible." "Beth!" "Beth!" "Nice to have the Bandit back, huh?" "Hey, I think that went pretty well." "Hey,cous." "Pretty well?" "Pretty well?" "You call that pretty well?" "You specifically said she wanted to see me." "I did?" "You lied to me to get me back here." "Never." "I told you we needed your rig to get the bear out of the woods." "You knew that if you told me she wanted to see me, I'd come back." "You're mad." "You got the rig if you need it." "I've got another job to do." "Wait a minute, wait a minute, you're gonna just walk away and let her marry "Big Sky" Olsen?" "You know, if she wants to marry him," "I'm not going to stop her, again." "She doesn't want to marry him." "Oh, now, see, see?" "How could you know that?" "She wouldn't have told you that." "Would she?" "Yes." "Yes?" "In a roundabout way." "Yes." "Oh, boy, I know I'm going to regret this in the morning." "I just know it." "Son, city life's made you too serious." "Let's go get some of us some Patsy's home cooking." "All right." "Have you seen Jennifer yet?" "She went up the highway to look for you." "No, I haven't." "Wonder where she is." "Jennifer, do you have to go back?" "Oh, Jason, you know I do." "(GIGGLES) Jason." "Jennifer." "Jennifer." "Hey, I've got to get home." "I know." "I know you got to be home by noon." "It's already noon." "Just five more minutes." "Listen, Bandit'll be there, and they'll be wondering where I am." "Yeah, what are you going to tell them?" "That I've been hugging and kissing on Jason Russell from the wrong side of the tracks." "Somehow I don't think they're gonna see any humor in that." "I love you." "Bye!" "(UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)" "Patsy, this is good food." "And I'm not just saying it." "It's really good." "But now for the bad news, Melvin and I have a plane to catch." "Not before the crackshot competition." "Crackshot competition?" "Yeah." "First the crackshot competition, then the bear." "Bear?" "You said this was gonna be one quick stop." "It is." "You're right, Bandit, this town is a little bit of paradise." "What did I tell you, buddy?" "The crackshot competition is comin' up!" "You better get over there for the drawing!" "Let's go." "TEACH:" "Oh!" "Bandit!" "Jennifer, I've been looking all over for you, cousin." "It's so good to see you!" "Perfect, it wouldn't be Dogpatch without Daisy Mae." "(LAUGHS)" "Look at you." "Look at my little Dimples." "Nobody calls me that anymore." "How come?" "You all grown up, huh?" "Hey, come on." "The crackshot competition." "You want to stop and get some food first?" "I'm not hungry." "Ah, so loss of appetite, a smile wider than the great outdoors, and we're losing track of time." "I'm thinking we're in love, aren't' we?" "Stop it." "Now come on." "I'll catch up with you later on." "Good to see you." "Patsy tells me we have the winners in the crackshot competition drawing." "It's world famous country music singer Mel Tills and his New York manager, Teach!" "Look, I am not going to ride on the back of some contraption through a field while men who have nothing better to do with their time take pot shots at me." "I'm not doing that." "Are you trying to welsh on a draw?" "(GROANS) lam not trying to welsh on a draw." "But unfortunately, (MUMBLES)" "Melvin and I have other things to do." "As well the Bandit can explain." "Band it?" "Band it?" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Melvin, lam never going with you anyplace again as long as I live." "(STUTTERS) Which... (IN SING-SONG) Which might not be that long." "Let's go." "Whoa!" "(HORSE NEIGHING)" "(KNOCKING)" "(GUN COCKING)" "Whoa, whoa." "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "Beth, Beth!" "(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)" "(sums)" "I know we got off to a bad start earlier." "I just want to talk." "There's nothing to talk about." "Get out." "Beth, marrying Jake Olsen would be the biggest mistake of your life." "I don't see how this is any of your business, anyway." "Leave." "What are you gonna do?" "You gonna shoot me?" "I don't think so." "Let me have the rifle, Beth, please." "(GLASS SHATTERING)" "Good aim." "I was aiming for you." "You want to risk another shot?" "Beth, Beth, you're gonna regret this the minute I leave." "Five minutes." "You don't have five minutes you can't spare to hear me out?" "It could be the most important five minutes of your whole life, Beth." "You have the gall to tell me that five minutes with you would be the most important five minutes of my life?" "Well, it could be." "You don't know unless you try it." "Out!" "All right!" "Take it easy!" "Beth!" "Listen if you want to talk to me, you'll find me at the festivities, all right?" "Now, that's not fair." "Have you been practicing since I've been gone?" "I'm not going to leave this town until we work this out, okay?" "(ENGINES REVVING)" "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "(GUN COCKING)" "(GUNSHOT)" "Let's fly to the concert!" "(EXCLAIMS) "My cousin's a pilot."" "(GASPING)" ""It'll be fun!"" "It was you who drew..." "It was you who..." "It was you who drew the ...stick." "ANNOUNCER:" "Well, that's it for the North Bear River team." "Better luck next year, guys." "Now let's reload and see how the South Bear River guys do." "How does this look?" "Who cares!" "(WHISTLES) Yeah!" "What is this?" "Some kind of male rite of passage or something?" "Great smile, spitfire." "What?" "You got a great smile." "I like it." "(GUNSHOTS)" "(GUN COCKING)" "Jake Olsen, I thought I told you to put that rifle away." "You want to spend the rest of your life in prison?" "Ain't nobody worth that." "I'm only going to do what I got to do, Ma." "Shh!" "Did you get that little thing I asked you to?" "Yes." "It was your great grandmama Olsen's." "But I still don't see how you're going to marry that girl from jail." "Don't tell me how to do my business, Ma." "Don't you sass me, boy." "Hey." "Oh, no, no, no." "Not so fast." "Hey, you have any luck?" "Any luck?" "She shot at me." "Did she hit you?" "No." "Then she wasn't serious." "What do you mean she wasn't serious?" "She shot at me." "She could have hit me." "But she didn't." "I'd say that's a good sign, son." "Good, I'm out of here." "No, wait, wait." "You can't leave." "I can't leave." "Watch me." "No, we need your rig to get the bear." "I see." "You don't need the rig to get the bear!" "'Cause you're not going to get the bear." "You never have and you never will." "Forget the bear!" "You might as well tell him." "The boys found the bear." "Yes." "No way." "Bear?" "Oh, this is great." "Listen, the last thing I need right now is a little lip from you, okay." "So, cut it out, city slicker." "Bear!" "Ooh." "(SHUSHING)" "What is he, some kind of good luck symbol or something?" "You're kidding." "I was just guessing." "Johnny Bruce and the boys found the hiding place, snuck right in underneath their noses and took it out of there." "Fifty years we've been trying to find that bear." "You actually found the bear?" "That's why we needed you to come home." "I don't believe it." "You got the bear." "Yes." "But we need to bring it back to town." "I guess that's where you come in, slick." "I got the picture." "But thank you." "We really need your help." "Look, this has been, may I say a lot of fun, but can we go now?" "(LAUGHS)" "So, I guess you won the drawing." "We have one more thing to take care of and then we'll finally be on our way." "What now?" "We got to see a man about a bear." "Oh, no!" "Yeah, J.B. is gonna tell you about the whole thing." "Now, get yourselves cleaned up, huh?" "Come on." "Yeah." "(CHUCKLES)" "Patsy, you got to tell me the truth, here." "Always." "Is she really thinking about marrying Jake?" "The Wedding's taking place right after the parade." "Whoa, whoa." "What?" "Why didn't you tell me that?" "You didn't ask." "I mean, his people have already made all the arrangements." "I mean, they've even decorated up the old saw mill for the ceremony." "The saw mill?" "He's gonna marry her at the saw mill." "Tradition!" "I mean Jake's daddy married Jake's ma at the saw mill." "(sums)" "I'd say this is about your last chance." "What you going to do?" "Get the bear." "Talk to Beth." "Get married." "(LAUGHS)" "What else can I do?" "Atta boy!" "See ya." "We'll have some dancing and music and a whole lot of down-home fun, before our annual parade through town." "So, put on your dancing shoes and hang around." "Let's go on down there and arrest them." "Without the goods?" "We lose them now, we may never catch 'em with the goods." "Then let's not lose them." "First we get the bear, then we get the Bandit." "Well?" "(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)" "MEN:" "Whoa!" "Son, I kind of like that little spitfire you brought along." "Oh, J.B. You're not serious." "Come on, now." "Nah, she's got some style." "Style?" "I tell you what I wanna know is who's the..." "Who's the young man in little Jennifer's life there, huh?" "What do you mean?" "Oh, come on now, cousin." "You can can the innocent expressions with me, buddy." "Who is it?" "Well, if you want to say something to me, just say it in English." "You haven't noticed?" "Noticed what?" "She's all moony-eyed, her cheeks are flushed." "Come on." "Allergies." "LYNN OVER RADIO:" "Breaker, for Bandit." "Yeah, go ahead." "What you got, Poor boy?" "Unexpected guests at our back door." "BANDIT:" "Huh, is that enemy forces from across the river or what?" "LYNN:" "I don't think so." "One car." "No decorations." "Looks like government boys." "J.B.:" "They're after me." "God damn!" "Sorry." "But unless you want to see me do some hard time, you'd better lose them in the woods." "I don't believe this." "Lynn, you just keep heading along there until somebody stops you, and you..." "I don't know, tell them I'll be there shortly." "The stuff is leaving the road." "Well, what do you want me to do about it?" "They've got the stuff with them." "The truck is a decoy." "No, we don't know that." "We can't lose Johnny Bruce." "KEYES:" "I don't see them." "Where the hell did they go?" "They're behind us!" "Okay." "Okay." "Damn!" "What should I do?" "WILSON:" "We're going after Johnny Bruce." "Now I'm in charge." "I thought you promised me you were going to get out of the shine business, didn't you?" "I know, I did." "Now, did I or did I not tell you I was not gonna come back here and help you out ever again unless you got rid of the stills, J.B.?" "Yes, yes, you did." "Well, what then?" "Blue bird, three o'clock." "Four o'clock." "Now maybe it's six o'clock." "Hold on." "Don't back off." "Are you nuts?" "Don't back off!" "KEYES:" "You get us killed, we have no case!" "WILSON:" "Back out of here." "Stay with him." "Where did you learn to drive?" "I ought to bring them right to the stills right now." "You watch me, I'll do it!" "There are no stills." "(SIGHS) What?" "Well, I got rid of them, just like you asked me to." "Then who are these guys following us?" "Got me a new business." "Which is?" "Doing pretty well." "BANDIT:" "You want to tell me what this new business is about?" "It's a little boutique business." "Yeah, consisting of?" "Just me." "And some very highly marketable products." "(CHUCKLING)" "WILSON:" "Watch out for that tree!" "KEYES:" "Which one?" "(SCREAMS)" "Great piece of driving." "I'll make sure it gets in my report." "Hey, you wanna drive, drive." "We've lost them." "Get on the phone and call for a wrecker." "Hey, where are you going?" "To turn in my resignation." "You're a disgrace to the agency." "(m." "LAUGHING)" "Good work." "(EXHALES)" "Okay. (CLEARS THROAT) Talk to me, son." "We've got a date with a bear." "The bear can wait and so can I, J.B." "What kind of new business are you in?" "Bandit, this is kind of in the category of what you don't know won't hurt you." "Sounds like it's in the category of what I don't know won't hurt you, huh?" "There's some of that." "We got all day, partner." "We are not going anywhere until I know exactly what it is you do." "Bandit!" "Take your time, son." "(sums)" "All right, all right." "I'll show you the damn business." "But it's in the bear cabin." "What're we waiting for?" "Let's do it." "Come on!" "What you looking for?" "J.B. says the North Bear River boys will do anything to get that bear back." "Anything?" "Anything." "MEL:" "Why?" "Well, they're pissed." "Oh. (CHUCKLES)" "Why?" "I'll tell you what he told me, take it for what it's worth." "He says whoever's the keeper of the bear's gonna have a year of good crops, good fortune, and good loving." "Not necessarily in that order." "(CHUCKLING) Some good..." "Some good..." "Some fine loving, huh?" "That's what he says." "You believe him?" "Of course not." "Me, either." "Oh, for God's sake." "Don't tell me you two are taking this backwoods fairytale seriously?" "MEL:" "Absolutely not." "Hey, Lynn, how long's it been since" "(STUTTERING) the South River folks have had some good..." "The bear?" "Fifty years." "MEL:" "Fifty years!" "You are taking this seriously!" "MAN:" "I've got them covered." "Where's Bandit?" "He and Johnny Bruce ran into a little trouble." "North Bear River boys?" "I don't think so." "They should be here shortly." "Don't know how long we can wait on the bear." "(BEAR GROWLING)" "(CLATTERING)" "What was that?" "The bear." "He's chained up inside." "We'll wait for you here." "(STUTTERING) I mean, if you need us, just call for help." "You want to take your chances out here alone?" "That's okay with me." "But you're sitting ducks." "Canned bear food." "(BEAR ROARING)" "TEACH:" "What do you suppose is gonna happen now?" "MEL:" "What was that?" "Quit backing up!" "LYNN:" "Ow!" "You stepped on my foot!" "(LOUD ROARING)" "(MEN CLAMORING)" "(ROARING CONTINUES)" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Oh, boy!" "Honest to God!" "Look at that!" "Are you all okay?" "Yeah, I tell ya, man, I told Bandit there was no bear." "I knew it was all a joke on me, I still fell for it anyway." "What do you mean there's no bear?" "You see him, don't you?" "(LAUGHING) I sure as hell do." "Oh, God." "You mean to tell me you go to all this trouble just to play a little joke on someone?" "Hey, what's life without a little fun?" "Fun?" "That's what I've been telling you for 10 years." "Have fun, enjoy yourself." "Are we gonna load the bear up or we gonna let him walk there himself?" "Let's load him up." "Oh, boy, I wouldn't trade this day for $100." "What do you mean $100?" "New tire, new rim, $100." "I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show up." "Yeah?" "You get rid of your new friends?" "I see you found the bear, huh?" "Peaceful countryside?" "A little bit of paradise?" "Well, I promised you beautiful women." "Did I mention that?" "(SIGHING) One out of three ain't bad." "Look, I know it's ridiculous." "But these boys take their traditions seriously and they have guns, so..." "Mel and I are gonna guard the back door." "He's had a little personality change." "I can see that." "Let's hit the road, boys." "Aren't we forgetting something there, J.B.?" "What?" "Isn't there a little business you're supposed to be showing me?" "Man, we're running kind of late as it is now, Bandit." "If you want to run at all, I want to know what you're up to." "Okay, come on." "Tapes?" "Welcome to J.B. Label." "I sell them at a drastically reduced rate." "A nearly perfect copy of any album your heart desires." "(SIGHING) Oh, J.B." "Well, I would have got the artists themselves, but they've already went and got record deals." "But this is the next best thing." "You can't do it." "What?" "You can't do this." "But, (STUTTERING) I don't..." "Well, obviously I can." "Whether I should or not is another question." "You know, you are hands down the best at doing whatever it is you want to do and making it look like somebody else's idea of anybody I've ever seen, J.B." "Thank you." "I mean, if you put half the time and energy you do into outwitting the law into putting together something legitimate, you'd be a millionaire by now." "What's the matter with you, son?" "You know, you disappoint me." "You used to have such potential." "J.B. Label's history?" "Oh, oh, please, please, please." "All right." "All right, all right." "All right." "Which road are we gonna take?" "Only one road in and one road out, buddy." "I was afraid you were gonna say that." "I'll ride shotgun with Lynn." "Let's do it." "All right." "Now, steady." "Now steady." "Now, hold on, boys." "Please." "Be careful, steady, steady." "(TEACH CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)" "BANDIT:" "Poor boy, you got your ears on?" "What you got, Bandit?" "It's looking like those out-of-towners are following us." "(OVER SPEAKER) But we got no reason to worry, right?" "No, no reason at all." "Except for the carton of tapes I threw in your trunk." "It's your car." "Think you'll go to jail?" "Johnny B., I'm never gonna come back and help you out again." "I mean it now." "Never." "(OVER SPEAKER) Lynn, I'm sorry, buddy, you're on your own now." "Ah, he loves me." "I'm his favorite cousin." "Dispatch, this is Wilson, I'm in pursuit of the Bandit." "WOMAN OVER RADIO:" "Ten-four, Wilson, keep us posted." "Agent Wilson, what's your 20?" "WILSON:" "I have no idea." "Come on." "I know you're out here." "DISPATCHER OVER RADIO:" "At your last transmission you were somewhere in the vicinity of Hidden Lake." "I don't see any lake, I see a bunch of trees." "Any sign of your suspect?" "(CAR HONKING)" "Got him right where I want him." "You mind if I play through?" "(ENGINE REVVING)" "If you turned off the interstate five minutes ago, you should be coming up on that lake." "WILSON:" "I'm telling you, there is no (SCREAMING) lake!" "You okay there, son?" "You wouldn't happen to have a paddle, would you?" "DISPATCHER OVER RADIO:" "Agent Wilson, what's your 20?" "BANDIT OVER RADIO:" "Poor boy, you got everything under control?" "LYNN:" "Yeah." "All right, good, I'll see you in town." "All right, buddy, I'll see you there." "Great!" "Oh, I feel so alive, you know, Melvin!" "I don't know if it's because of the fresh air or the fact that I'm looking danger right in the eye and not flinching." "(CHUCKLES)" "Looks like an ambush ahead." "Watch this!" "Whoa!" "Good idea, good idea, but... (LYNN HOOTING)" "(LYNN LAUGHING)" "Whoa!" "Not bad, son." "I meant to say take a left." "Yeah, right, left, whichever it is we're making great time." "Yeah, well, there's this bridge." "I can handle a bridge." "Well, this is kind of a weak, narrow little bridge, and you know, to tell you the truth," "I don't think a truck's ever gone over it." "Yeah, where is it?" "Right there." "Oh, no, oh, no, hold on!" "(BOTH YELLING)" "(SCREAMING)" "Yes!" "Oh, come on, baby!" "(EXCLAIMING)" "J.B.:" "You made it, you made it!" "(sum-nus)" "Whoa!" "Man, where did you learn to drive like that?" "Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't think we'd make it." "(CROWD CHEERING)" "(INSECTS BUZZING)" "I don't give a damn what you have to do." "Just get me some back up and get it here now!" "I want these guys behind bars!" "J.B.:" "Great smile, spitfire." "I'd like to see it around here for a while." "(JENNIFER GASPING)" "Yeah, she promised she wouldn't tell anybody." "I'm not going to let anybody stop us." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Beth!" "What are you doing?" "What is the matter with you?" "Protecting myself from Neanderthal throwbacks like you." "Watch it." "Beth, I have something to say to you." "And you're going to listen to me now, damn it." "Get off my property." "What are you going to do, stab me?" "Go on, stab me." "But aim for my heart, because Beth if you don't want to talk to me anymore, I don't want to go on living." "I'm warning you." "Do it, I don't care." "Do it, seriously." "I wouldn't have to deal with J.B.," "I wouldn't have to get the damn bear to the parade." "I wouldn't have to tell you that I love you." "Say that again?" "(sums)" "I, uh, wouldn't have to deal with J.B." "No, cut to the last line." "(SIGHING) I love you, Beth." "See that's not fair." "You knew that that would get me." "J.B.:" "The bear is ours." "After 50 years." "We finally made it!" "What's that?" "Ambush." "Well, we're gonna have to move it." "Can't run through that." "All right, we'll cover you." "Can I shoot now?" "Not yet." "Melvin, if, now, I say just if they should start shooting." "Yeah?" "What if?" "Where do you think the best place for us to wait it out is?" "Miami..." "Miami, Panama Beach." "He spotted the rope." "Not until I tell you." "J.B.:" "I've seen trees fall." "Never saw one tie itself." "He's going to see the whole set up!" "Not yet!" "Here's where they drug it across." "Now!" "(BEES BUZZING)" "Bees!" "Bees!" "(BOTH GRUNTING)" "Head for the river!" "Follow me!" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "(MEN LAUGHING)" "Will you guys come on?" "(CHUCKLING)" "Wow." "I'd almost forgotten how good it is to be home." "I'd noticed." "I can't believe it's been five years." "(SIGHING) Beth, there's..." "There's something I have to ask you." "JAKE OVER RADIO:" "Breaker, breaker, this is Big Sky." "Bandit, you out there?" "You got no place to run." "No place to hide, Bandit." "Who is that, Jake?" "Payback time, Bandit." "Payback time." "It's going to come when you least expect it, son." "You better be looking over your shoulder." "Oh, by the way, Bandit, you can find your courageous crew down at Turtle Creek." "The bear, watch yourself." "Oh, boy." "Beth, you understand, I've gotta get that bear." "I'll be back." "Really." "(CAR ENGINE STARTING)" "(CAR DRIVING AWAY)" "TEACH:" "What's the big deal?" "Get a new bear." "MEL:" "You don't know nothing about country folks or tradition." "(CAR norms)" "J.B.:" "I think our ride's here." "Just pretend like you don't see him, just pretend." "BANDIT:" "You boys need a ride?" "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "Now what?" "(MAN WHOOPING)" "(GUNSHOT)" "(CLAMORING CONTINUES)" "(GUNSHOT)" "What in Sam Hill has gotten into you people here, huh?" "They're saying Jennifer ran off with Jason Russell." "Ain't no North Bear River boy gonna kidnap one of our girls and get away with it." "I don't believe there's been any kind of kidnapping." "No South Bear River girl's gonna go on her own." "Well, maybe she should have, huh?" "You North Bear River people and you South Bear River people have been keeping each other unhappy for over 100 years now." "How can you say that?" "I mean, we start letting folks from both sides of the river get married, who knows where it's gonna lead?" "Give me two hours, okay?" "Two hours?" "Two hours?" "Yeah, that'll give me time, I can put this thing back together." "In the meantime, please, please, nobody do anything stupid, please." "Bandit's right." "Let's go." "Two hours?" "I mean, it'll be dark by the time we get there." "I mean, we're not even going to have time to check our levels." "You're right." "Lynn..." "You tell your daddy we're getting the bear back." "You wanna do me a favor, buddy?" "Get your hands on some kind of vehicle and see if you can get these boys to the airport on time, please." "You don't need me here?" "Well, it's just I told them it was going to be, a quick stop, but it's not really working out that way, and it's not fair." "Good luck to you." "Good luck." "Is that it?" "Good luck and good bye?" "Well, isn't that the way that you want it?" "(STUTTERING) Well, yeah." "I..." "I guess." "Yes, it is." "All right." "There was an ambush." "Excuse us." "J.B., we got to divide and conquer, okay?" "You find the bear, I'm going to find the kids." "And you get the bear, and you get it over to the old saw mill." "The old saw mill?" "Why the old saw mill?" "Why?" "Why?" "I'll tell you why." "Because you tricked me here in the first place, you got me shot at," "I've been chased halfway around this county and I'm having a very, very bad day, J.B. That's why, okay?" "Oh." "You know, it don't seem right." "(STUTTERING) It don't seem neighborly to not stick around and help out." "Sure, I mean, what's an old sound check, anyway?" "Melvin, what are you, an amateur or a professional?" "What's the big deal?" "I mean, if she wants to run off then just let her." "We don't let our family run away so quickly." "I mean, we care about what happens to them." "If you'd stick around for a while, you'll find out what I'm talking about." "Come on." "Keep your eyes on the bear." "I have a little surprise visit to pay an old friend." "And then we'll have that triumphant parade through town." "You're not gonna do anything foolish, are you?" "Five years ago, she left me standing at the altar, because she thought she loved him." "It's time for me to get my revenge." "I'm gonna get it now." "(ENGINE STARTING)" "You made him mad." "Shut up." "(MAN TWEETING) What's that?" "What?" "(TWEETING CONTINUES)" "Down." "Bird calls." "They're using bird calls." "How stupid do they think we are?" "Okay." "Here's what we're gonna do." "(MAN TWEETING)" "(TWEETING CONTINUES)" "(GROANS)" "(MAN TWEETING)" "(TWEETING)" "(TWEETING)" "Help me!" "(GRUNTING)" "Get his hat." "I can get it into a medium." "I swear I can." "Huh?" "(GRUNTS)" "(WHISTLES) Come on!" "(CHUCKLING) We did it!" "We did it!" "We're not home free yet, boys." "(CAR APPROACHING)" "(CAR DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING)" "(sum-nus)" "Beth." "What makes you think I know something about some teenage romance?" "How'd you know what I was going to ask you?" "Everybody on this side of the river's up in arms, too." "Where are they?" "I don't know." "Sorry, I don't believe you." "(LAUGHS) Oh, well." "Well, now, if you did know, and I understand that you don't, but if you did..." "Why wouldn't you tell me, Beth?" "(VOICE BREAKING) It's not you." "It's everybody." "It's..." "It's just time for this ridiculous custom between North Bear River and South Bear River to come to an end." "I mean, how many kids' lives are going to be ruined because of some stupid custom we can't even remember that says they can't be in love and they can't be happy just because they're from two different sides of the river?" "You're right." "I'm what?" "You're right, Beth." "What's the trick?" "I wanted to ask you..." "Where do I start?" "It..." "Looks like I'm going to be coming into some money now, a lot of money..." "And, I'm starting to think about..." "Damn it, Beth, do you know what I'm trying to get to here?" "You need a good accountant?" "I want to help those kids, I don't want them to make the same mistake that we did." "You think we made a mistake?" "I did." "The biggest mistake of my life." "Follow me." "PREACHER:" "If any man can show just cause why this marriage should not take place, let him speak now or forever hold his peace." "BANDIT:" "Hold on, hold on." "(CHUCKLING) Sorry, folks." "This Wedding's about to be temporarily postponed." "Ignore that man." "You promised." "Don't worry, honey, it's for the best, believe me." "Now, come on, son." "We've got a wedding to attend." "Yours." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "Everybody out of the cars." "Get out of the cars." "Give it up, Bandit." "It's over." "I've seen a few shotgun weddings in my time, but this is ridiculous." "It's just a little misunderstanding." "It's the most fun I've had in 45 years." "I'm glad." "Turn over the tapes." "I don't have any tapes." "You think I fell off the turnip truck yesterday?" "Is that what happened to you?" "Search the cars." "AGENT:" "I'm on it, sir." "I'd be willing to tell you where the tapes were if you would be willing to give me just a little bit of time." "WILSON:" "Oh, I'll be willing to give you a little time." "About 20 years." "The government doesn't make deals with outlaws or bandits." "Suit yourself." "You know, it's funny." "But the last time we were stopped up here, didn't your daddy have a shotgun on us?" "Yeah, and Uncle Deke was driving the pickup truck." "Yes, yes." "(SIGHING) Just open the trunk." "Search up front." "Search the front." "Tear it apart if you have to." "Oh, that's not gonna be necessary." "WILSON:" "You having any luck?" "AGENT:" "Nothing here, sir." "I want those tapes." "Now!" "On the south side of town, about three miles up the fire access road there's a little cabin." "If there's something to find, you'll find it there." "And by the time you get your car back," "I would have been done with what I have to do." "See you, boys." "Good luck." "It took old Uncle Deke about an hour to get back to town." "Good luck, boys." "Hey, boys, here's the keys to the other car." "I'll get it, sir." "So, what are we gonna do if they figure out we're not who they think we are?" "I don't know." "Hell, you're driving." "Pardon me." "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "(MEN WHOOPING)" "MAN:" "Here they come." "(CHEERING CONTINUES)" "That's my boy, yes, sir, that's my boy." "Hell, that ain't my boy, come on!" "(ALL YELLING)" "It looks like our luck just ran out, buddy." "Put the pedal to the metal and don't look back." "(HONKING)" "Get back here, you jerks!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "MAN:" "Sam, they stole the bear!" "He's going to the saw mill." "Come on." "(PEOPLE YELLING)" "(WHOOPING)" "(LAUGHING)" "(HONKING)" "(PEOPLE CLAMORING)" "The whole town is here." "All right." "All right." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up." "Hold up." "Now, people, this has gone on long enough." "These kids love each other, and they want to get married." "WOMAN:" "This is crazy." "And we're not going to stop them." "The hell we're not!" "Look, I don't want to tell you how to run your town, okay?" "I don't give a damn how you run your town." "But if you don't accept this marriage, lam going to have to saw the bear in half." "You can't destroy that bear!" "He belongs to us!" "In a pig's eye!" "That bear's been ours 50 years!" "Well, he was ours for 50 years before that!" "Great, so you can each have half." "Or you can accept this wedding and the bear goes untouched." "It's up to you." "(SAWING MACHINE SWITCHING ON)" "Do it, son." "What, are you serious?" "Do it." "No!" "No!" "(sum-nus)" "So?" "Do we have ourselves a wedding?" "I won't stop your wedding." "Neither will I." "BETH:" "All right!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "JAKE:" "I'll stop it." "If there's a wedding going on today, it's going to be between me and Beth Connor." "What?" "I know you don't have a fancy dan wedding dress on, Beth," "I don't care." "I'll take you just the way you are." "You're not going to be taking her anywhere, because she's already promised to marry me." "J.B.: (LAUGHING) Hey, congratulations." "What?" "What?" "What the hell are you talking about?" "I didn't agree on anything." "Well, I know that, but he doesn't know that." "So, you can play along right?" "Play along with you?" "You know that I was going to ask you to marry me." "(LAUGHING) And of course, I mean, you were going to say yes." "Right?" "I don't know any such thing." "(SIGHING) Beth, why do you think I came back?" "I'm not walking away this time, Bandit." "If you want her, you're going to have to go through me." "This is absurd." "That's fine with me." "Hold it, hold it." "Hold it, Bandit." "Hey, man, I love a fight just as good as anybody, but this is just plain committance... (STUTTERING) Committance..." "What, Mel?" "Hara-kiri." "I know." "(MEN URGING ON)" "Well, let's just..." "Let's do it like gentlemen, huh?" "(GRUNTING)" "Come on!" "Let go!" "Let go!" "Beth, what are you doing?" "What makes you think you can just come back here after five years and just drag me off like some caveman?" "Beth, I don't mean to drag you, but, I mean, under the circumstances..." "Uh... (CROWD GROANING)" "(GRUNTING)" "Can we talk?" "(CROWD CHEERING)" "Let's just..." "Let's just talk about this, huh?" "Talk?" "We talked five years ago." "You talked me out of town and away from the girl that I love." "And you know, I've been meaning to congratulate you on a fine career," "I'm a big fan." "(GRUNTS)" "MAN:" "Watch it, Bandit." "WOMAN:" "He's coming around." "(CROWD URGING ON)" "Does this mean we're not talking?" "Okay, Jake." "No more Mr. Nice Guy." "Okay, that's it." "Now you've made me mad." "Jake Olsen!" "Let him loose this minute!" "(GROANS)" "(GASPING)" "Beth, I figured out what it is." "I haven't asked you properly." "You didn't ask me at all." "Well, see, there you go." "That fits into the category right there, don't you think?" "I don't think much about this whole thing." "What do you want me to do?" "Do you want me to get down on my knees in front of all these people?" "That would be nice, yes." "(sum-nus)" "Beth, would you consent... (GRUNTING)" "This isn't how I planned for this day to go at all." "BETH:" "You may as well just kill each other, because I'm not going to marry anyone I don't choose to marry." "You know, she's right." "Well, of course she's right." "I mean, we're both being incredibly insensitive." "But you'd better stand by whatever she says." "Whoever she chooses." "I'll agree to that." "That's fine." "Good." "Because I choose nobody." "(PEOPLE MUTTERING)" "(MAN LAUGHING)" "What?" "Say that again?" "I choose neither of you." "Now, wait just a minute, Beth, you just put us through this, and you don't choose either of us?" "Bingo." "BANDIT:" "I thought..." "You thought that five years ago you left a poor little country girl heartbroken while you went off to explore the big, wide world." "Well, yeah." "Something like that." "Yeah." "Well, that was five years ago." "You mean, you ain't been pining away over at least one of us all these years?" "How can I put this?" "No." "(CHUCKLES)" "Beth!" "It's not fair, how could you do that to us?" "Yeah!" "Sorry, boys, you should've called." "I would have straightened it out a long time ago." "Well, we got a wedding to attend." "WOMAN:" "She's right." "We got a wedding." "(CROWD CHATTERING)" "Do you understand women at all?" "Not me." "You're a mess." "You look pretty good." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Let's go." "Let's go." "PREACHER: ...to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love honor and cherish from this day forward till death do you part?" "JASON:" "I do." "And do you, Jennifer, take Jason to be your lawfully wedded husband to love honor and cherish from this day forward till death do you part?" "I do." "Then by the powers vested in me," "I now pronounce you man and wife." "You may now kiss the bride." "(PEOPLE WHOOPING)" "(LAUGHING)" "All right!" "Almost right, darling." "Stick around, we'll teach you how to do it." "Cousin, can I talk to you for a sec?" "J.B., the feds are gonna be at your place in about an hour." "So, if you want to stay a free man, I'd get over there," "I'd round everything up, and I'd close up shop." "It's handled." "All right." "All right, pack your rucksack and let's go." "Afraid you're on your own." "I'm staying here." "Hey!" "All right!" "All right!" "(EASY GIGGLING)" "I just love a happy ending." "It's been a pleasure." "All mine." "(LAUGHING) Let's go boys." "Come on." "TEACH:" "Bye." "(SIGHING) Sure I can't change your mind?" "Well, maybe in another five years." "Thank you for helping me out with this wedding." "Hey, I'm never in too much of a hurry to help out someone in need." "Okay." "Get the truck, Lynn." "Let's get out of here, buddy." "Psst." "Come here." "GIGGLING" "Congratulations." "Thanks." "Congratulations." "JASON:" "Thank you." "Bye, everybody." "(ALL CHEERING)" "Okay, thank you." "Mel Tills!" "(AUDIENCE CHEERING)" "Ladies and gentlemen, before we start," "I just want to say it's my great pleasure and honor to be here today to participate in this tremendous charity effort." "With your help, we've raised over a million dollars!" "(AUDIENCE CHEERING)" "Excuse me." "I've got a very important phone call to make." "We're rich, son." "What're you talking about?" "Half of what goes into his pocket is ours." "That was the deal." "And this check, $250,000, goes to Mel Tills, who's contributing the entire amount to our children's charity." "MEL:" "Thank you." "Mr. Rayford, you're mighty kind." "And all you folks are so kind to come out." "And you know what?" "The entire amount of this check, as you know, is going to charity." "And it's not just a gift from me, why, I wouldn't even have been here if it hadn't, if it hadn't been for the efforts of a young man, a young man called the Bandit." "(STUTTERING) Unfortunately the Bandit couldn't, he couldn't be here today, but I'm gonna start off the show." "Let's get on with the show." "And here's an old song that I had out a few years ago." "It's called the Coca Cola Cowboy." "(MEL TILLIS SINGING ON RADIO)" "Keep on singing, Mel, keep on singing." "(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)" "(SINGING UPBEAT COUNTRY SONG)" "Subtitles by:" "Tommy0412"