"So that's, you know, coming along." "I'm working with a vocal coach." "Strengthening the... ah." "Lot of guys ignore the laugh and that's about standards." "I mean," "If you want to get into the Evil League of Evil, you have to have a memorable laugh." "What?" "Did you think Bad Horse didn't work on his whinny?" "His terrible death whinny..." "No response BTW from the league yet." "But my application is strong this year." "A letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor." "That's gotta have some weight so..." "Fingers crossed!" "E-mails!" "Too-Sly-For-You writes "Hey, genius!"" "Wow!" "Sarcasm, that's original!" ""Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your transmatter ray?"" ""Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers."" "Well, no, they're not gonna say anything in the press but... behold!" "Transported from there to here!" "The molecules tend to shift during the... transmatter... uh... advance." "But they were transported in bar form." "And they clearly were..." "And by the way it's not about making money, it's about taking money." "Destroying the status quo because the status is not quo." "The world is a mess and I just... need to rule it." "I'm gonna..." "Smells like cumin." "So transmatter is 75%." "And more importantly, the Freeze Ray is almost up." "This is the one." "It stops time." "Freeze Ray." "Tell your friends." "We have..." "Oh, here's one from our good friend Johnny Snow." ""Dr. Horrible, I see you are once again afraid to do battle with your nemesis." "I waited at Dully Park for 45 minutes." Okay, dude." "You're not my nemesis." "My nemesis is Captain Hammer." "Captain Hammer corporate tool." "Dislocated my shoulder." "Again." "Last week." "Look, I'm just trying to change the world, okay?" "I don't have time for a grudge match with every poser in a parka." "Besides there's kids in that park so..." "Here's one from Dead-Not-Sleeping." "Long time watcher, first time writing." "Blah blah blah blah." ""You always say in your blog that you will show her the way, show her you're a true villain." "Who is her?" "And does she even know that you're..." "Laundry day..." "See you there." "Under things... tumbling." "Wanna say... "Love your hair"" "Here I go... mumbling." "With my freeze ray I will stop... the world." "With my Freeze Ray I will find the time to find the words to... tell you how... how you make... make me feel." "What's the phrase?" "Like a fool." "Kinda sick." "Special needs." "Anyways... with my Freeze Ray I will stop... the pain." "It's not a death ray or an ice beam, that's so Johnny Snow." "I just think you need time to know that I'm the guy to make it real." "The feelings you don't dare to feel." "I'll bend the world to our will." "And we'll make time stand still." "That's the plan." "Rule the world." "You and me." "Any day." " Love your hair." " What?" "No, I love the air." "Anyway, with my freeze ray I will stop..." " Hey, doc." " Moist, my hero." "Moisture, buddy, what's going on?" "Life of crime." "Got your mail." "Hey, didn't you go on a date last night?" "Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling with Bait and Switch." "Yeah." "Yeah?" "It was alright." "I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait but..." "I hear you." "I saw Penny today." "You talked to her?" "So close." "Just a few weeks away from a real audible connection." "I'm gonna ask..." "Oh my God!" "Is that from the League?" "It's from him, that's his seal, isn't it?" "The leader?" "Oh my God!" "I got a letter from Bad Horse!" "That's so hardcore." "Bad Horse is legend, he rules the League with an iron hoof." "Are you sure..." "Bad Horse!" "He rides across the nation the thoroughbred of sin." "He got the application that you just sent in." "It needs evaluation so let the games begin." "A heinous crime, A show of force." "A murder would be nice of course." "Bad Horse... is bad!" "The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware!" "The grade that you'll receive will be your last we swear." "so make the Bad Horse gleeful or he'll make you his mare." "You saddled up, there's no recourse." "It Hi-Ho Silver!" "Signed, Bad Horse." " I don't know." " Are you kidding?" "This is great!" "I'm about to pull a major heist!" "You know, the Wonderflonium that I need for the Freeze Ray?" "It's being transported tomorrow!" "Armored car?" "Carrier van." "Candy from a baby." "Do you need anything dampened or made soggy?" "Thanks but..." "the league is watching." "I gotta do this alone." "Will you lend a caring hand to shelter those who need it?" "You only have to sign your name." "Don't even have to read it." "Would you help..." "No?" "How about you?" " Will you lend a caring hand..." " Ah!" "What?" "I was wondering if I could just..." "Hey!" "I know you." "Hello." "You know me." "Cool!" "I mean..." "yeah, you do." "Do you?" "From the laundromat." "Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month you skipped a weekend." "Or... if that was you." "Could have been someone else." "I mean, I've seen you." "Billy is my name." "I'm Penny." "What are you doing?" "Ummm, texting." "It's very important or I would stop." "What are you doing?" "Actually, I'm out here volunteering for the Caring Hands homeless shelter." "Can you spare a minute?" "Hum..." "Okay, go." "We're hoping to open a new location soon." "Expand our efforts." "There's this great building nearby that the city is just gonna demolish and turn into a parking lot." " But if we get enough signatures..." " Signatures?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "Go on." "I was saying..." "Maybe we could get the city to donate the building to our cause." "We would be able to pry 250 new beds, get people off the streets and into job training so they could buy rocket packs and go to the Moon and become florists." "You're not really interested in the homeless, are you?" "No, I am." "But they're a symptom." "You're treating a symptom and the disease rages on, consumes the human race." "The fish rots from the head as they say." "So my thinking is why not cut off the head." "Of the human race?" "It's not a perfect metaphor but I'm talking about an overhaul of the system." "Putting the power in different hands." "I'm all for that!" " This petition is about the building." " I'd love to sign it." "Thank you!" "Sorry, I come on strong." "But you signed!" "I don't wanna turn my back on a fellow laundering person." "Well, if we can't stick together, I don't..." "I'll probably see you there." "No, I will." "I..." "She talked to me." "Why did she talk to me now?" "Maybe I should..." "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." "Don't plan the plan if you can't follow through." "All that matters is taking matters into your own hands." "Soon I'll control everything." "Hey!" "Hey!" "My wish is your command!" "Stand back everyone!" "Nothing here to see!" "Just imminent danger, in the middle of it: me!" "yes, Captain Hammer's here!" "Hair bowing in the breeze!" "The day needs my saving expertise!" "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." "It seems destiny ends with me saving you." "The only doom that's glooming is you loving me to death." "I'll give you a second to catch your breath." "You idiot!" "Dr. Horrible, I should have known you were behind this!" " You almost killed her!" " I remember it differently." "If she..." "It's curtains for you, Dr. Horrible." "Lacey gently wafting curtains." "Thank you, Hammer man, I don't think I can explain how important it was that you stopped the van." "I would be splattered, I'd be crushed into debris." "Thank you, sir, for saving me!" "Don't worry about it," "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." " You came from above." " Are you kidding?" " It seems destiny ends with me saving you" " What heist were you watching?" " I wonder what you're captain of" " Stop looking at her like that." " When you're the best you can't rest, you can't cruise" " Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?" " My heart is beating like a drum" " When ass needs kicking," " some ticking bomb to defuse..." " I stopped the van!" " The remote control was in my hand!" " Must... must be in shock..." " Assuming I'm not loving you to death" " Whatever!" "So please give me a sec to catch my breath." "Balls!" "Any dolt with half a brain can see the human-kind has gone insane to the point where I don't know if I'll upset the status quo if I throw poison in the water main." "Listen close to everybody's heart and hear that breaking sound." "Hopes and dreams are shattering apart and crashing to the ground." "I can not believe my eyes how the world is filled with filth and lies." "But it's plain to see evil inside of me... is on the rise." "Look around we're living with the lost and found." "Just when you feel you've almost drowned, you find yourself on solid ground." "And you believe there's good in everybody's heart." "Keep it safe and sound." "With hope you can do your part to turn a life around." "I can not believe my eyes." "Is the world finally growing wise?" "'Cause it seems to me some kind of harmony is on the rise." " Make it slow" " Anyone with half a brain" " He looks at me and seems to know" " Can spend a whole life howling in pain" " the things that I'm afraid to show" " And the dark is everywhere, And Penny doesn't seem to care" " and suddenly I feel this glow." " that soon the dark in me is all that will remain" " And I believe there's good in..." " Listen close to everybody's heart" " And keep that safe and sound" " And hear this breaking sound" " With hope you can do your part" " Hopes and dreams are shattering apart" " to turn a life around - and crashing to the ground." "I can not believe my eyes." " How the world's finally growing wise" " How the world's filled with filth and lies" "But it's plain to see" " evil inside of me - rapture inside of me is on the rise." "It is so dumb that we're been coming here so long and never spoke." "I know, all those months doing this stunningly boring choir." "I'm a fan of laundering." "Psych!" "I love it!" "To smell the fabric softener... the warm clothes in your hands..." "So good!" "Hey, this is weird." "I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two." "You don't happen to like frozen yogurt, do you?" "I love it!" "You're kidding!" "What a crazy random happenstance." " Here." " Thank you." "So how was your weekend?" "Did you spend the whole time hunting wild signatures?" "Actually, I went on a date." "Get right out of town." "How was that?" "Unexpected." "He's a really good-looking guy and" "I thought he was kinda cheesy at first." "Trust your instinct." "But he turned out to be totally sweet." "Sometimes people are layered like that." "There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface." "And sometimes there's a 3rd even deeper level and that one is the same as the top surface one." " Huh?" " Like with pie." "So are you gonna see him again?" "I think I will." " Billy?" " Yeah." "You're driving this fork in your leg." "So I am." "Hilarious!" "Alright, the wait is over." "This, my friends, is my Freeze Ray which with the addition of the Wonderflonium I obtained at my famously successful heist last week." "I say successful in that I achieved my objective." "It was less successful in that" "I inadvertently introduced my archnemesis to the girl of my dreams." "And now he's taking her out on dates and they're probably going to french kiss or something." "She called him "sweet"." "How is he "sweet"?" "Right!" "Freeze ray!" "So, as of tonight, I am in the Evil League of Evil if all goes according to plan, which it will, because I hold a PhD in horribleness." "See you at the aftermath." "Peace!" "But not literally." "The... freeze ray needs work." "I also need to be a little bit more careful about what I say on this blog." "Apparently the LAPD and Captain Hammer are among our viewers." "They were waiting for me at the Mayor's dedication of the Superhero Memorial Bridge." "The freeze ray takes a few seconds to warm up and I wasn't..." "Captain Hammer threw a car at my head." "Not to worry though because I'm..." "One sec." "He saw the operation you tried to pull today." "But your humiliation means he still votes "neigh"." "And now assassination is just the only way." "There will be blood, it might be yours so go kill someone." "Signed, Bad Horse." "Kill someone?" "Would you do it?" "To get into the Evil League of Evil?" "Look at me, man!" "I'm moist!" "At my most badass, I make people feel like they want to take a shower." "I'm not ELE material." "Killing is not elegant or creative." "It's not my style." "You got more than enough evil hours to get into the Henchmen's Union." "I'm not a henchman." "I'm Dr. Horrible." "I've got a PhD in horribleness." "Is that the new catchphrase?" "I deserve to get in." "You know I do." "But killing?" "Really?" "Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa who grows up to become president." "That'd be big." "I'm not gonna kill a little kid." " Smother an old lady?" " Do I even know you?" "I just, you know, really think I'm... qualified for this job." "And..." "I just can't get my foot in the door." "I'm sure you will." "I wanna do great things, you know." "I wanna be an achiever like Bad Horse." "The thoroughbred of sin?" "I meant Gandhi." "Well, I've gotten turned down from plenty of jobs." "Even fired a few times." "I can't imagine anybody firing you." "Neither could I." "Now I can visualize it really well." " But you know everything happens..." " Don't say for a reason." "No, I'm just saying that..." "everything happens." "Not to me." "Here's the story of a girl who grew up lost and lonely." "Thinking love was fairy tale and trouble was made only for me." "Even in the darkness every color can be found." "And every day of rain brings water flowing to things growing in the ground." "Grief replaced with pity for a city barely coping." "Dreams are easy to achieve if hope is all I'm hoping to be." "Anytime you're hurt there's one who has it worse around." "And every drop of rain will keep you growing seeds you're sowing in the ground." "So keep your head up Billy buddy." "It's like Captain Hammer is always saying." "Right!" "How are things with Cheesy on the outside?" "Good." "They're good." "He's nice." "I'll be interested to know what you think of him." "He said he might stop by." " Stop by here?" " Yeah." "Oh, goodness!" "Look at my wrist!" "I gotta go!" "But what about your clothes?" "I don't want these." "See you!" " Oh, pardon." " Pardon!" "Billy, this is Captain Hammer." "Oh, Billy, the laundry buddy." "It's very nice to meet you." "We're meeting now for the first time." "You look horrobly familiar." "One of those faces I guess." "Have I seen you at the gym?" "At the gym, yeah." "I don't go to the gym, I'm just naturally like this." "Oh, well." "Who wants to know what the Mayor is doing behind closed doors?" "He is signing over a certain building to a Caring Hands group as a new homeless shelter." " Oh my God!" " Yep!" "Apparently the only signature he needed was my fist." "But with a pen in it." "That I was signing with." "I can't believe it." " Congratulations." " Thank you!" "Thank you!" "Oh!" "Well, this is great." "I wish I could stay and chitchat." "It sure was nice to meet you..." "Doctor." "You've got a little crush, don't you doc?" "Well, that's gonna make this hard to hear." "See, later I'm gonna take little Penny back to my place." "Show her the command center." "The Hammer-cycle." "Maybe even the Ham-jet." "You think she likes me now?" "I'm gonna give Penny the night of her life." "Just because you want her." "And I get what you want." "See, Penny's giving it up." "She's giving it up hard." "'Cause she's with Captain Hammer." "And these... are not the hammer." "The hammer is my penis." "This appeared as a moral dilemma 'cause at first it was weird though I swore to eliminate the worst of the plague that devoured humanity it's true I was vague on the how so how can it be that you" "have shown me the light?" "It's a brand new day and the sun is high." "All the birds are singing that you're gonna die." "How I hesitated now I wonder why." "It's a brand new day." "All the time that you beat me unconscious I forgive." "All the crimes incomplete, listen, honestly I'll live." "Mr. Cool., Mr. Right., Mr. Know-it-all is through." "Now the future's so bright and I owe it all to you." "Who've shown me the light." "It's a brand new me." "I've got no remorse." "Now the water's rising but I know the course." "I'm gonna shock the world, I'm gonna show Bad Horse." "It's a brand new day." "And Penny will see the evil me." "Not a joke, not a dork, not a failure." "And she may cry but her tears will dry when I hand her the keys to a shiny new Australia." "It's a brand new day." "Yeah, the sun is high." "All the angels sing because you're gonna die." "Go ahead and laugh." "Yeah, I'm a funny guy." "Tell everyone goodbye!" "It's a brand new day." "Looks like we're finding out what a true hero is." "The Mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate the new homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain Hammer." "It's a good day to be homeless." "It certainly is." "So they say Captain Hammer's become a crusader, political, he's cleaning off the streets." "About time." "So they say that it's real love." "So romantic." "He signed this." "So they say we'll have blankets and beds we can open by Monday thanks to you." "Thanks to me." "It's the perfect story." " So they say." " A hero leading the way." "Hammer's call to glory." "Let's all be our best." "Next up: who's gay?" "!" "So they say he saved her life." "They say she works with the homeless and doesn't eat meat." "We have a problem with her." "This is his hair." "This is so nice." "I just might sleep at the same girl twice." "They say it's better the 2nd time." "They say you get to do the weird stuff." "We do the weird stuff." "This is perfect for me." "So they say." "I guess he's pretty okay." "After years of stormy sailing, have I finally found the bay?" "He's still not picking up." "There's no happy ending." "So they say." "Not for me anyway." "Shoud I stop pretending?" " Take the chance to build a brand new day?" " Or is this a brand new day?" "This is his dry-cleaning bill for his sweater vest." "And in just a few minutes, we'll unveil the statue of the man himself." "Thank you." "Thank you!" "Justice has a name." "And the name that it has, besides justice, is Captain Hammer." "Ladies and gentlemen, your hero." "Thank you." "Thank you, Mayor, for those kind words." "I hate the homeless." "This problem that plagues our city." "Everyone should have the basic..." "You know what?" "I don't need tiny cue cards." "When I fell deeply in love with my serious long-term girlfriend Penny." "Wave your hand, Penny." "There she is." "Cute, huh?" "Sort of a quiet nerdy thing." "Not my usual but nice." "Anyway..." "She turned me on to this whole homeless thing which is terrible." "And I realised" "I'm not the only hero in the room tonight." "I'm not the only one who's fighting." "It may not be too classy begging just to eat." "You know who does that?" "Lassie." "And she always gets a treat." "So you wonder what your part is 'cause you're homeless and depressed." "But home is where the heart is." "So your real home's in your chest." "Everyone's a hero in their own way." "Everyone's got villains they must face." "They're not as cool as mine but folks you know it's fine to know your place." "Everyone's a hero in their own way." "In their own not that heroic way." "So I thank my girlfriend, Penny." "Yeah, we totally had sex." "She showed me there's so many different muscles I can flex." "There's the deltoids of compassion." "There's the abs of being kind." "It's not enough to bash in heads you've got to bash in minds." "Everyone's a hero in their own way." "Everyone's got something they can do." "Get up, go out and fly especially that guy, he smells like poo." "Everyone's a hero in their own way." "You and you and mostly me and you." "I'm poverty's new sheriff and I'm bashing in the slums." "A hero doesn't care if you're a bunch of scary alcoholics bums." "Everybody!" "Everyone's a hero in their own way." " We're heroes too" "Everyone can blaze a hero's trail." " We're just like you" "Don't worry if it's hard." "If you're not a friggin' tard you will prevail." "Everyone's a hero in their own way." "Everyone's a hero in their..." "Look at these people." "Amazing how sheep will show up for the slaughter." "No one condemming you, lined up like lemmings you led to the water." "Why can't they see what I see?" "Why can't they hear the lies?" "Maybe the fee's too pricey for them to realize, your disguise is slipping." "I think you're slipping." "Now that your saviour is still as the grave you're beginning to fear me like cavemen fear thunder I still have to wonder can you really hear me?" "I bring you pain, the kind you can't suffer quietly." "Fire up your brain, remind you inside your rioting society is slipping." "Everything's slipping away so... go ahead, run away, say it was horrible, spread the word, tell your friends, tell 'em the tale, get a pic, do a blog." "Heroes are over with." "Look at him!" "Not a word!" "Hammer me nail." "Then I win, then I get everything I ever..." "All the cash, all the fame and social change." "Anarchy... that I run." "It's Dr. Horrible's turn." "You people all have to learn." "This world is going to burn." "Burn!" "Yeah, it's 2 "r"." "H-O-R-R, yeah, right." "Burn!" "No sign of Penny." "Good, I would give anything not to have her see." "It's gonna be bloody." "Head up, Billy buddy." "There's no time for mercy." "Here goes no mercy." "That's not a good sound." "Why?" "A death ray!" "Looks like Dr. Horrible's moving up!" "Let's see if this one works any better than your others." "Don't!" "I don't have time for your warnings." "You give my regards to Saint Peter or whoever has his job but in hell." "Oh, I'm in pain!" "I think this is what pain feels like." "Oh, mother!" "Someone maternal!" "Get out of my way!" "I gotta get out." "Penny!" "Penny!" "Penny!" "Billy?" "Is that you?" "Penny, hold on." "Oh no." "No, no, no, no!" " Are you alright?" " Hold on." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Captain Hammer would say that." "Penny!" "Penny..." "Dr. Horrible!" "Why did you kill her?" "Dr. Horrible!" "Here lies everything, the world I wanted at my feet." "My victory's complete." "So hail to the king." " Everything you ever..." "Arise and sing." "So your world's benign." "So you think justice has a voice and we all have a choice." "Well, now your world is mine." "And I am fine." "...in my heart and it hurts..." "Now the nightmare's real." "Now Dr. Horrible is here." "To make you quake with fear." "To make the whole world kneel." "And I won't feel... a thing."