"Gonna have myself a time humble folks without temptation gonna leave my woes behind people shouting howdy neighbor gonna see if I can't unwind" "I like girls with big fat titties come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine." "Sync by Tina South Park Season 14 episode 08 "Poor and Stupid"" "Cartman?" "Dude, what's wrong?" "Nothing." "Just leave me alone, okay?" "Dude, you've been sitting at your locker crying since lunch break." "Something's going on?" "It's just... that essay that Garrison assigned us." ""What I wanna be when I grow up"?" "I don't like thinking about what I wanna be when I grow up, alright?" "Why not?" "Because when I grow up I wanna be something that I know I can never be, Stan." "Cartman, tell us." "I wanna be a NASCAR driver, okay?" "When I see the car races on TV, those loud engines, the peeling wheels." "It's so cool." "Well, Cartman, if you want to drive NASCAR when you grow up, you can." "Oh right, someone like me can be a NASCAR driver!" "Look at me!" "You really think someone like this, can ever become an awesome, famous NASCAR driver?" "Aw, Cartman, you can change things about yourself." "No, I can't." "I'll always be like this." "Dude, no, you don't know that." "Come on you guys." "I have to face facts." "NASCAR is only for poor and stupid people." "I don't have what it takes." "What?" "I'm not poor and stupid enough to do NASCAR and I never will be." "Dude, I don't think just poor and stupid people like NASCAR." "Oh really?" " Hey, hey Kenny!" " Huh?" "You love NASCAR, huh?" "Yeah, dude, I love NASCAR!" "You see?" "I told you guys, what's the use?" "It's just... it's hopeless!" "Cartman, you are poor and you are stupid." "I know you're trying to make me feel better, Kyle, but a rich smart kid has no place on a racetrack." "Dude, you are so retarded!" "Thanks, Stan, but even if I was, I'd still be too rich." "How are you rich?" "Your mom pays for everything." "You guys really think I could do this, don't you?" "You really believe in me." "I believe that you're a broke, ignorant, idiot!" "Then maybe I can make myself believe it, too." "Thanks you guys." "I'm gonna go chase a dream." " Butters." " Hey Eric." "Butters, the guys have been talking to me and well, they've got me pretty pumped up." "I'm psyched, butters." "I'm about to do something big and I'm psyched!" "Okay!" "But I'm gonna need your help." "Can you get psyched?" "You gonna get psyched up?" "Yeah, I'm psyched!" "Get really psyched up, butters!" "I'm really psyched!" "Yeah, yeah." "Let's do this!" "Alright?" "I'm pumped and I'm psyched, alright." "I'm gonna become a NASCAR driver, butters." "I'm gonna for the gold." "Nas, NASCAR?" "I know." "I'm not poor and stupid enough." "But I can change that, butters." "Here." "I want you to take all my money." "Every bit of it, butters." "58 dollars and 32 cents." "You're giving away all your money?" "Just get rid of it, butters!" "Don't tell me where you spend it and don't ever let me have it back." "From this moment on, I am poor." "Like Kenny!" "You're sure you wanna do this?" "I told you I'm serious, butters." "This is my shot." "I'm gonna get as poor and stupid as I possibly can." "All right, folks." "We wanna thank you all for coming out and supporting NASCAR." "Yeah, it's so cool." "Now who's ready for Saturday's big race?" "We're really excited to be a part of the fastest going sport in American." "I don't know about you, but I'm thrilled to watch NASCAR finally becoming recognized as a respected legitimate sport." "Hello!" "Excuse me." "I know that you NASCAR people don't have very much." "So I right now and buy you all 58 dollars of canned food and blankets." "You're welcome!" "I help the needy." "Boy, I'll tell you what, it's raining cats and dogs outside." "Mostly cats." "I just wish I had brought an umbrella." " Hey, Eric." " Oh, butters." "Did you give away all my money?" "Yeah, you don't have a penny left." "You're poor ass shit." "How come you hanging upside down?" "I need to get stupid, butters." "I'm getting all the blood to rush to my head and watching a marathon of "two and a half men."" "Hey, that's a hot girl over there." "Sure, she's hot." "She's wearing a sweater!" "Feel stupid yet?" "Not yet." "When a woman isn't feeling her freshest, she turns to vagisil." "Oh, God dammit." "Another vagisil commercial?" "To stop feminine itching and relieve vaginal odors." "Fucking gross!" "All those ladies have stinky vaginas?" "If you develop an allergic reaction, see your doctor." "In some cases, vagisil can lead to short-term memory loss." "For the freshest, cleanest feminine area, do what others women do." "Did you hear that?" "In some cases, vagisil can lead to short-term memory loss." "Oh my God, butters!" "We need vagisil." "Vagisil, vagisil maximum strength, vagisil wash, vagisil medicated wipes." "Gee wiz!" "There's vagi-everythings!" "Which one do I use to kill brain cells?" "Well, just buy me one of each of them, butters." "I'm buyin'?" "I'm totally poor, butters." "Did you forget?" "But I..." "I didn't bring any money." "I didn't know I had to buy vagisil." "God dammit, butters!" "Alright, just, just keep a lookout." "I'll try it here." "Look that way and make sure the cashier doesn't see me!" "Is anybody coming?" "No, you're good." "Little boy, what are you doing?" "Oh my God, butters!" "I feel kind of stupid!" " Really?" " Yes!" "I'm feeling totally stupid right now!" "That was fast!" "Grab what you can and let's get out of here." "I'm ready." "We are just seconds away from the start of the Denver 300!" "Excuse me!" "Mr. Evans sir?" "Your... your wife is on the phone." "She just got raped." "What?" "Yeah, she got raped a lot, and you gotta talk to her." "Oh my God!" "Sweet!" "Nice work butters." "Now go be my spotter so we can win this thing." "Eric, are you sure you can do this?" "Don't worry, butters, I'm totally poor and stupid." "I'm ready for NASCAR." "Let the race begin!" "Let's go NASCAR!" "I'm not moving, butters." "I think you gotta press the gas pedal." "What's that?" "There's like a long pedal on the floor by your right foot." "Oh, okay." "Let's go NASCAR!" "It looks like Dale Evans' car is going the wrong way!" "Cool, NASCAR!" "Sweeeeet!" "Oh fuck my ass!" "Eric?" "All that work, all the effort I put in," "I still wasn't poor and stupid enough to win." "Eric, you were as poor and stupid as you could be." "Don't you get it butters?" "It's never going to happen for me!" "Those people are way more poor and stupid than I'll ever be!" "I might as well kill myself." "Eric!" "Don't ever talk like that!" "I've given away all my money." "Drank enough vagisil to kill every brain cell I have, but it still wasn't enough!" "Alright, Eric, we got the x-rays back." "How bad is it, doctor?" "He has two fractured ribs, a broken femur, torn ligaments in both knees and a level two concussion." "He also appears to be developing three small vaginas in his stomach, but they are all sparkling clean." "Well, at least there's that." "Just pull the plug on me, doctor." "I don't want to live like this." "You aren't on life support." "Pulling a plug wouldn't do anything." "Oh donkey balls." "You are lucky to be alive, young man." "Sneaking onto a NASCAR racetrack, and hijacking a car for a joyride." "That has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard of a kid doing." "Thanks, doc, but you aren't going to make me feel any better." "No, really." "Of all the idiotic, dumb ways I've seen kids injure themselves, yours takes the retard cake!" "Did you hear that, Eric?" "See?" "You are really stupid." "Could it be I only lost the race because I just somehow wasn't poor enough?" "It has to be, Eric." "Eric, where are you going?" "Get me my coat, butters." "We're gonna try this thing again." "You're watching Colorado fox 11." "Next on fox 11 news, are NASCAR fans stupid?" "Some people are starting to wonder after a NASCAR fan apparently got high on vagisil and snuck onto the track killing 11 people." "Tom, the NASCAR fan got into a car here on Sunday and crashed in the lake behind me." "He was later found to have ingested this, maximum strength vagisil, and also vagisil medicated wipes." "Making NASCAR fans look pretty stupid, Tom." "No!" "NASCAR fans aren't stupid." "Cartman is!" "The NASCAR fan vows he will try to do it again, but that this time, he will win." "Oh that fucking asshole!" "Oh hey, Kenny!" "Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" "Come in, dude, I wanna show you what I've been working on!" "Check it out!" "I thought I could just give all my money away and be as poor as your family." "But then I realized, what do poor people do?" "Buy things even though they don't have money by going out and purchasing things that are 0% down and no payments for two years!" "That's how you people stay poor forever!" "Am I right?" "That's it, right?" "Dude, fuck you!" "Kenny, I'm just trying to get good at NASCAR." "Being poor has nothing to do with NASCAR!" "Hey, I love NASCAR just as much as you do!" "No you fucking don't!" "Oh it's so easy for you, isn't it, Kenny?" "I've had to become poor all on my own, you know?" "I wasn't born with a plastic spoon in my mouth." "What?" "I've had to go buy stuff with 0% down and no payments for two years myself," "I didn't have parents to do it for me like you do." "Look, Kenny..." "Kenny." "We shouldn't be fighting." "We both love NASCAR and we're both poor as shit." "Uhh, excuse me?" "Eric Cartman?" "Yeah." "My name is Geoff Hammil." "I'm the founder and C.E.O. Of vagisil." "Young man, your NASCAR stunt has brought a lot of attention to vagisil, and honestly, I don't know how to thank you." "Our sales are up, and all women are finally realizing that their feminine odor can be treated." "I first created vagisil for my wife, Patty." "She's my muse, my flame." "We realize that NASCAR can do a lot for product recognition, and so vagisil has a little present for you." "Oh sweet!" "No way!" "This is so tits!" "Vagisil would like you to represent us in the next NASCAR race!" "Dude, check it out Kenny!" "My very own NASCAR!" "No fucking way." "And we've modified the cockpit to be operated properly by a child." "Oh coooool, huh Kenny!" "I got a NASCAR Kenny!" "So awesome, huh Kenny?" "We are now live at the NASCAR press conference where the drivers of Saturday's race are gearing up and taking questions from reporters." "So what's your guys' take on the track here, any concerns?" "Well, I think it's a fine track." "You know the techs have done a really good job of making sure the banks are grafted down to the right specs and there shouldn't be any problem." "Yeah, we like this track, yup." "We gotta grafting' banks and specs and it's like an oval." "So we're gonna drive straight and then we're gonna be turnin' to the left." "Uh, they're saying hot weather tomorrow." "Any concerns about restrictor plate or brake fade problems?" "Of course, any time you're dealing with high humidity and temperatures you need to compensate your brake fluid but the plates themselves compensate yer break fluid and get yer, yer brake working so you can stop sometimes." "Excuse me, who is this kid?" "Is he even a driver?" "Oooh, bring it aw-n earnhard." "You scared of the competition?" "I'm just as poor and stupid as you!" "I'm gonna drive and I'm gonna go fast and I'm gonna turn to the left sometimes!" "Can we just get back to the subject of racing, please?" "Oho, bring it aw-n Danica, you dumb bitch." "Think I can't steer left better than you?" "You seemed really stupid, Eric!" "Thanks, b-buds." "I really think I can hold my own against these guys." "Little worried about that Jimmie Johnson guy, though." "He seems dumber than spit." "And the Danica Patrick chick." "We're gonna get even poorer and stupider, butters." "Both of us." "All right, from the NFL, we now turn to the world of NASCAR." "People who weren't sure what to think of NASCAR or more sure today after a NASCAR driver released bigoted and ignorant statements on his podcast." "Alright, what's up NASCAR fans." "I don't about y'all but this president Obama is pissing me off." "So I'm gonna do some dip and speak my mind." "Today I'm gonna be dipping vagisil regular strength anti-itch cream." "Oh yeah, yeah that's a big digger right there." "So I'm pretty pissed off what I found out." "I found out this Obama wants to put a bigger tax on gasoline." "What the fuck is up with that?" "That's fucking gay." "You know it's fucking gay as hell." "You all know my pit boss butters." "Obama is fucking gay." "He's fucking gay as hell." "Pisses me off." "So y'all be sure to catch us in our next race." "We're about as poor and stupid as a fucking conne so come down and cheer for us in NASCAR on Saturday." "Obama is gay as hell." "Well if you ask me, that's all the proof we need that NASCAR really is just for the poor and the stupid." "Fuck it." "The stage is set for what could be the most important race of the NASCAR year." "Lots of speculation and interesting the vagisil car driven by Eric Cartman we're joined now by the inventor and owner of vagisil." "Geoff Hammil." "Thank you, Chris." "Geoff, why did you decide to sponsor a NASCAR driver?" "Vagisil is very excited to be part of the NASCAR phenomenon, Chris." "You know I first created vagisil to try and help my wife, Patty she is my muse, my flame." "Wherever Patty goes, her smile lights up the room." "Her vagina, on the other hand, clears the room and makes it uninhabitable for weeks." "Okay." "Well, the race is about to start, so why don't we kick it back down to the track." "Gentlemen, start your engines!" "Alright, start your engines." "What's that mean?" "That means you flip the switch that says engine." "Is he stupid or what?" "Yeah, he's a champion all right." "Check your bag please, sir." "No, no." "See, this won't do." "You can't bring a sniper rifle onto the track." "Oh, come on." "Look, NASCAR is trying to change its image." "It's people like you that are given NASCAR a bad name." "Aw, shut up, fuck you." "You might be able to buy one in the gift shop." "The drivers are slowly headin' out to follow the pace car." "Alright." "I'm gonna press the gas pedal and I'm gonna go forward." "NASCAR!" "Yeah!" "This is just the pace lap." "You don't go full speed yet!" "Yeah, just a pace lap." "I gotta hit the brake." "What the fuck are you doing?" "!" "Fuck you Danica Patrick!" "You ain't half as dumb as me." "Gas pedal!" "Aw, son of a bitch!" "Ain't nobody can stop me!" "And it looks like the vagisil car has already clipped two other drivers and taken them out of the race." "Yeah, the other drivers are not going to be happy about this." "What do you think, Mr. Hammil?" "Vagisil is a company that really stands behind its product, Chris." "We want women to know that vagisil is effective, safe for use every day... every day." "Every day." "And available nation wide." "Be careful up here." "About a hundred yard, there's a wrecked car on the right side." "You're gonna wanna watch for it yer, you're gonna wanna watch for it over from the outside." "You see that?" "Danica Patrick trying to get in my way." "That pisses me off." "That's fucking gay as hell." "Dude, I'm coming up on that turn again, I gotta steer left." "Get out of the way you idiots." "I'm trying to win this damn thing." "There you go." "You're back on the track." "I'm back on the track!" "What the?" "Kenny?" "What the hell are you doing?" "Fuck you, dude!" "Get off my car, Kenny fuck dude, pull over!" "Oh man, now our friend Kenny's trying to break the wind shield." "Ain't that just gay as hell." "We are at trading paint." "Oh, it's so easy for you, isn't it Kenny?" "I have to prove myself." "I freaking hate you." "Sorry dude, I'm winning this race." "With the brake, bye Kenny." "Oh Jesus, there's a little boy on the track!" "Well, it appears that all the other drivers have crashed and only the vagisil car remains." "Looks like you're going to win, Mr. Hammil." "This is such a great day for vagisil, Chris." "Our product awareness will be at an all-time high." "Feminine odor must be treated diligently, very diligently." "Patty?" "Patty?" "It looks like a woman is trying to take over Jimmy Johnson's car." "What?" "Ma'am?" "You are on an active race track." "This is extremely dangerous." "Let me talk to her." "Patty!" "Patty, what are you doing?" "Patty, pull over the NASCAR." "You are acting irrationally." "Patty, did you forget to take your medication?" "You know how you get when you don't use your vagisil." "There should be some in your purse my muse." "Patty?" "Aw, you dumb bitch!" "Butters, this bitch is trying to wreck my car." "I know, that piss me off that's fucking gay." "Fucking gay as hell." "Patty?" "You are my muse and my flame." "Now, at the neck and neck approaching to the finishing line" "oh, fuck my ass again." "It's a celebration for the Lowe's Lowe's home improvement team." "Patty, how could you?" "You ruined us." "You ruined vagisil." "Hey, you freaking lose." "No, no, Kenny, go ahead." "I deserve it." "I thought I could just walk on to a race track and do what these people do." "But I owe you an apology." "The truth is I'm just too smart." "And with how smart I am," "I will always be successful and therefore have money." "I just have to accept I'm too smart and rich for NASCAR." "It's time for me to give it up." "Alright, butters, give me back my money." "Huh?" "The fifty eight dollars and thirty two cents I gave you, I want it back." "But-but you-you said I-I can spend it on-on on the..." "Oh damn it, butters, you better have it." "You are always trying to screw me over!" "But you said to take your money so I can buy enough..."