"may11,2011." "From comedy central's world news" "Headquarters in new york, this" "Is "the daily show with jon" "Stewart."" "Captioning sponsored by" "Comedy central [theme song playing] [applause]" "jon:" "Welcometo theshow." "Hey, everybody, welcome to "the" "Daily show."" "My name is jon stewart." "We have put together a program" "For you tonight that will defy" "All other programs." "Tonight's guest, the great, the" "Great albert brooks." "[cheers and applause]" "Hey, remember like a week ago," "The president released his birth" "Certificate and celebrated his" "Newfound citizenship by having" "Someone shoot osama bin laden in" "The face?" "[laughter]" "It felt like the events were" "Connected, like maybe we'd" "Finally put all these ginned up" "And ridiculously overblown" "Non-controversies, like the" "Birther thing, to rest." "We were going to focus on things" "That matter, winning the war on" "Terror, the budget, fiscal" "Things, getting things done." "Well, I hope you enjoyed that" "Period of time." "firstladymichelleobamais" "Hosting a poetry reading, and" "One of her guests is raising a" "Lot of eyebrows tonight." "He's a chicago poet and a rapper" "Who goes by the stage name" ""common."" "he'sa reverendwright" "Defender." "It sounds like he's a promotor" "Of cop-killing." "I've looked at some of his" "Lyrics." "They are raunchy." "They are rough." "They are raw." "yeah,let'sinvitea" "Misogynist to the white house." "[laughter] jon:" "Arewe reallydoing" "This again, for this guy," "Common, the guy from the queen" "Latifah rom com?" "The guy from the gap ads?" "Elmo's friend?" "That's the guy?" "That's the guy we're going to do" "This for?" "That's your misogynist copicidal" "Black supremacist?" "Hey, fox news, have you told the" "Yet?" "Iamherewithcommon." "How you doing?" "what'sgoingon ?" "How you doing?" "you'reknownas theconscious" "Rapper?" "How important is that to you and" "How important do you think that" "Is to our kids?" "jon:" "Well,Iguessthat" "Shhh, fox news doesn't realize" "We're here." "[laughter]" "I mean, for god's sake, this" "Two-time, grammy-winning," "Vegetarian's invite to the white" "House has the twitterverse very" "Upset, and by twitterverse, I" "Don't mean people on twitter." "I mean twits, who took the time" "To ignore common's entire body" "Of work, save for one poem he" "Wrote in 2007 that they appear" "To misunderstand." "burna bushbecausefor peace" "He no push no buttons." "noweaponsof mass" "Destruction, how can we follow a" "Leader when this is a correct" "One." "myuziweighsaton." "he'stalkingaboutpopin'" "Guns and I got the black strap" "To make the cops run." "They watching me, I watching" "Them." "whoa,whoa,whoa,whenwe" "Roll together with a strapped" "Gun, we're going to be rocking" "Them to sleep." "That sounds like killing cops to" "Me." "whoa,whoa." "thatsoundslikekillingcops" "To me." "Sound like killing cops to you?" "jon:" "No." "Well, if you enjoyed, that" "You'll love this album of fox" "News personalities ruining songs" "From many of your other favorite" "Hip-hop artists." "Now that's what those people" "Call music." "[applause]" "Now, those more expolice celt" "Lyrics, the more explicit lyrics" "Describing violent action that" "Hannity was quoting, those" "Lyrics actually end on the" "Couplet, "no time for that cause" "There's things to be done." "Stay true to what I do so the" "Youth dream come."" "Basically common says, you know" "That violence I was talking" "About earlier in my poem, let's" "End that in our communities so" "Our dreams can come true." "It's a call for peace." "But hannity makes a good point." "It sounds like killing cops to" "Him." "[laughter]" "And if fox newsstands for" "Anything, it is a zero-tolerance" "Policy for any individual who" "Might have or actually did write" "A song about cop killing." "andhappybirthdaytorapper" "And actor ice-t." "He is 52." "[cheers and applause] jon:" "Well,to be fair," "That's different because ice-t" "Was not celebrating his birthday" "With obama." "What about the phrase in" "Common's poem, "killing over oil" "Burn a bush, because for peace" "He no push no button."" "It appears to be a metaphorical" "Call of violence against the" "President, and while it isn't," "You can say it was." "[laughter]" "It would be like saying to the" "Critics of the president, don't" "Retreat, reload, you know, or" "Drawing targets over your" "Political opponents." "Surely fox wouldn't defend that" "Type of incendiary language." "we'veheardsarahpalinsay" "That her supporters shouldn't" "Relax or retreat, they should" "Reload." "whichisaveryalaska-type" "Term." "politicalrhetoricoftenuse" "Military term, holding your" "Fire, search and destroy, that" "Kind of thing." "it'sverysinistertome" "Because I think there is an" "Effort here to silence" "Opposition voices." "anythingtoshuther down," "Shut me up, shut talk radio" "Down, shut fox news off." "Then everything will be sunshine" "And lollipops." "jon:" "Oh,right." "Oh, right, like the obama" "Administration would allow us to" "Have sunshine and lollipops." "Ha, ha, more like spf50 and" "Broccoli." "[laughter]" "But you know what, maybe I" "Should re-examine some of these" "Lyrics." "Maybe I'm being unfair by" "Showing fox news personalities" "Holding a musician to a much" "Higher standard of language and" "Behavior than a presidential" "Candidate." "Anybody who wrote a song with" "The lyric, "first time I" "Shotter, shotter in the side," "Hard to watch her suffer, but" "With the second shot she died"" "Or, "early one morning while" "Making my rounds, I took a shot" "Of cocaine and I shot my woman" "Down."" "That is some hard-core [bleeped]." "I hope a killer like that is" "Never allowed anywhere near a" "President of these united" "States." "johnnycash,theman in" "Blake." "Major, please read the citation." "johnnycash,forhis" "Contribution to the music and" "Entertainment industry." "[cheers and applause] jon:" "I heardyoushotaman" "In reno just to watch him die." "[laughter] [mimicking george bush laughing]" "Seriously, hannity, what's the" "Difference?" "What's the difference?" "Would you be this concerned" "About a musician who used the" "Same type of rhetoric or" "Violence about president obama." "ifthiswassomebodywhoused" "The same type of rhetoric about" "Violence against president" "Obama, I would be against it." "jon:" "Oh,if onlywehadthe" "Tape." "[laughter]" "I mean, that would really make" "You look bad." "[laughter]" "Too bad we spent all day having" "So much fun listening to johnny" "Cash album, so we didn't have" "Chance to find a tape that would" "Be the absolute clearest " " I'm" "Kidding." "We have it." "youpunk." "Obama, he's a piece of [bleeped]." "[inaudible] thatwasfriendand frequent" "Guess of the program ted nugent" "Expressing his feelings towards" "Democratic presidential" "Contenders barack obama and." "areyoupreparedtodisavow" "This low life?" "newyorkIliketednugent." "He's a friend of mine." "jon:" "Thisisn'tevenfun" "Anymore." "[laughter]" "I barely even get angry about" "This." "I just feel sorry for you guys" "Now." "It took longer to play that clip" "Than it took to find it." "We've actually started burying" "These tapes around the office" "Just to make it sporting." "[laughter]" "It's almost impossible to" "Express how ridiculous this and" "You all are at this point." "It's beyond a caricature of your" "Own cartoon." "I think the only way to get it" "Across would be through a more" "Artful medium, a more expressive" "Form, perhaps a musical" "Iteration of the spoken word." "Give me a beat, yo!" "¶ drop some beats, yo [laughter]" "Yeah, yeah" "¶ this goes out to fox news" "And all the pundits I address on" "Tonight's show" "¶ yo, fox" "You create shocks with now awe" "¶ you dress like eagles" "But squawk like chicken hawks" "¶ you're pigeons on a statue" "Leaving little lies behind you." "¶ going after obama" "Week after killing osama" "¶ let me put in a pause" "Comma" "¶ because I need a minute to" "Think of what would say next" "¶ that would rhyme [laughter]" "You push [bleeped]" "¶ the kind you find fall from a" "Schnauzer's behind" "¶ have you lost your damn mind" "You got lazy" "¶ it's crazy" "Even glenn beck's leaving" "¶ because he thinks you're" "Forgazy" "¶ you still got gretchen" "Hannity, hannity, yo" "¶ straight up insanity" "Hey, homes, let me take a moment" "To power one out" "¶ for alan [bleeped] combs [cheers and applause]" "¶ o'reilly, oh, really" "I know that you feel me" "¶ because I joke to the folks" "While you choke on their smoke" "¶ are you choking" "Mistrust" "¶ miss greta van sus-turnen" "Just ran on her show" "¶ a night ago" "Cause megyn kelly said so" "¶ you know I'm about to go" "Program." "I will never rap publicly again." "Welcome back to the program." "Osama bin laden is still dead," "Which creates an important" "Question:" "Who will be america's" "Next toppenmy?" "With more on the search for next" "Bin laden, we turn to lewis" "Black and "back in black."" "[cheers and applause] excitingtimesforalqaeda." "For the first time in decades," "There's an opening at the top," "And they shouldn't have any" "Problem filling it." "It's got a good starting salary," "Great benefits, plus you get" "Cable." "So let's take a look at the" "Applicants." "Wow me, people." "Well, the obvious choice is" "Osama's second in command." "aymanal-zawahiriconsidered" "By almost everyone who knew him," "Terrorism experts, to be" "Dangerous and capable." "dangerousandcapable?" "I got the same performance" "Review when I worked at foot" "Locker." "[laughter]" "You phase one eight-year-old." "Well, I'm satisfied." "He sounds perfect." "Any down side?" "zawahiri,hedoesn'thaveit." "He's a classic number." "Two he's not a number one." "Idon'tknow." "The last number one sure seemed" "Like a number two to me." "[laughter]" "I'm talking about poop." "jon:" "Yes." "I know, lou." "whoelsesentina red- " "Resume?" "anwaralawarki." "He speaks english fluent" "Obviously." "He speaks in a language that" "Young people can understand." "he'sdownwiththe kids." "He even has his own app." "It's called "really angry" "Birds."" "Death to america and pigs." "This guy sounds pretty great," "But sitting backwards on his" "Prayer mat and rapping with the" "Kids isn't enough." "What's the catch?" "he'sinyemen." "He's not in afghanistan and" "Pakistan with the other al qaeda" "Leaders." "The last thing they need is to" "Try to do this across seas," "Across ocean, across country" "Country lines." "andhe'snotmovingto" "Pakistan." "Have you seen what $1 million" "Gets you in abbottabad?" "Not to mention what you have to" "Pay the government to pretend" "You're not there." "Now maybe we should look at a" "Few resumes." "Here's an interesting candidate." "mastermindofaseriousplot" "Last year to target europe." "Ilikehim,but noonewould" "Believe he's a terrorist." "Because he looks like he's" "Disguised as a terrorist." "[laughter]" "Well, let's wrap this up." "I've got time for one more." "oncea battlefieldcommander" "In afghanistan who rose to" "Prominence for escaping from" "Bagram air base." "isalqaedareallyreadyfor" "A black leader." "I know obama was a big hit, but" "Republicans tried to jump on" "That bandwagon, too, and look" "How that worked out." "Laughter I don't know, though," "No one really stood out." "But if al qaeda is just looking" "For a guy full of hate, to yell" "Into a camera every few months," "They can do worse." "Jon?" "jon:" "Thankyouverymuch ," "Lewis." "So generous of you." "jon:" "Welcomeback." "My guest tonight, oh, the" "Funnest writer, actor, director," "Also now a novelist." "His new book is called "2030:" "The real story of what happens" "To america."" "Please welcome back to the" "Program the great albert brooks." "[cheers and applause] thankyouverymuch." "Respect." "jon:" "Thankyouverymuch ." "veryniceto seeyou ." "I want to give you a complime." "jon:" "Please." "Is this about the food in the" "Green room because we try very" "Hard?" "no." "The last week and a half of all" "The shows, your bin laden stuff" "Has been the best." "jon:" "Thankyouverymuch ." "[cheers and applause] andyoualsodid thisthing" "Last week, you had the animated" "Royal wedding." "jon:" "Yes." "I got the taiwanese animators to" "Do a project for us." "They came in and the greatest" "Phone calls in the world were" "Passed back and forth." "Can I get hitler with strapon?" "Okay, thank you." "well,actually,theyhave" "That in the catalog." "Stock foodage." "I want to talk about this" "Wedding for a moment because I" "Think I need to see a sigh die" "Trisms I can't stop thinking" "About this kate middleton." "jon:" "Really?" "seriously." "I dream about her, I think about" "Her." "I want to be her first jew." "[cheers and applause]" "And I'm sure only jew." "I want to wake up with this" "Woman, and what is all this" "Hair?" "Maybe I fell a sleep with a mop." "I can't stop thinking about her." "jon:" "Isthisthe first" "Time?" "What is it about her?" "Is it the youthfulness of her?" "no." "jon:" "I havenotspentmuch" "Time thinking about this, but..." "You definitely need to see a" "Psychaiatrist." "thewholeworld,Idon't" "Know, we need a king." "I want to bow down to somebody," "What can I tell you." "Anyway, go on." "jon:" "Thisis why..." "What" "You have done..." "Remember" "Defending your life painted such" "A great picture of heaven and" "Hell and the afterlife, you have" "Now in novel form done sort of a" "George orwell, kurt vonnegut,ed" "A lewis huxley, this is the" "World in 2030." "Itriedto writewhatI" "Really thought could happen," "Because most future stuff," "Nothing comes true." "You know, I mean, when I was a" "Kid, I read about the flying" "Cars." "jon:" "Sure." "comeon,jon." "You ever see jews drive in" "Miami?" "You think they're going to be" "Flying in the air?" "Beep, beep, what is that?" "It's just shut up." "jon:" "Isthatthe mostfun" "Part of doing this?" "What I love about the book is" "Every little thing that you see" "Sort of as an eccentricity in" "Modern society today you" "Extrapolate and you create these" "Great..." "The main conflict of" "This is the old versus sort of" "The younger generation." "yes,I feelandIcanseeit" "In my own children that in a" "Number of years these younger" "People are going to try to kill" "Us." "[laughter] youknow,it 's... jon:" "Whenyousee thatin" "Your own children... it'ssomethingIsense." "I made that movie "real life,"" "And I was right about reality" "Television, don't screw with me." "jon:" "Ifyouevergettosee" ""real life," this t greatest." "It's like nostradamus but so" "Funny." "I love you." "Can I just tell you, I love your" "Movies." "Their just so damn good." "[applause]" "I can see... yes,I wrotethisasa novel" "Because I'm only give an small" "Budget." "I can't write..." "No, seriously." "You know, my screen writing is" "Like..." "I've learned how to" "Write to a few million dollars." "You write, it was a dark and" "Stormy night and then you cross" "Out that and you write, it was a" "Clear night and then you" "Realize... wecan'taffordrain." "thenyourealizenight'stoo" "Expensive." "Then you write, "he woke up in a" "Room with the blinds closed."" "But here I have a pilotless jet" "Quietly landing at reagan" "International airport." "I wrote that and I looked behind" "Like someone was going to arrest" "Me." "You got to go to writer's jail." "You can't write that." "That was why I wanted to write a" "Novel." "jon:" "Assomeonewho is" "Accustomed to to feedback for" "Movie audiences, live audiences," "Did this drive you crazy?" "no,thisis glorious." "The thing I like least is test" "Audiences." "jon:" "Thefeedbackisthe" "Worst." "somepeopledo wellwith" "Cards." "I imagine steven spielberg, god" "Gave him cards when he was born." "But I'm telling you, modern" "Romance, you know, they pick up" "The cards, right, why is all" "That hair on his back?" "So this was a wonderful" "Experience to be able to write" "For a year and a half and alone" "Without any studio." "well,I 'mgoingto do that." "If you have a couple minutes and" "You're very gracious, I'm sorry," "We're going to throw the rest" "Of..." "I just want to ask you" "Some questions of comedy and" "Things like that if that's okay." "The book is "2030" albert" "Brooks, you got to go pick this" "that'sourshow." "Here it is, your moament of zen." "artandliteratureare often" "The first targets of tyranny" "Because they're the most" "Subs straight from CC"