"Negativ, Helena Trestiková and Czech Television present" "a documentary film" "All convention is useless." "Even literary convention." "And morality?" "Forget it." "I want the hard, naked truth." "Hypocrites love the word morality." "I don't give a shit about them." "Like they don't give a shit about me." "Why has every bit of my fucking life turned out badly?" "Nobody knows." "Not even God." "Anyway, he doesn't give a shit either." "He's too busy reading porn mags." "Like the one my last girl was in." "René Plásil:" ""Diary of a Forgotten Man"" "Well, I was born, like all of us." "I got through primary school OK." "Then I went to a secondary school run by the army." "My father's a musician in the South Bohemian Theatre." "I don't know what my mother does." "They got divorced when I was seven." "Dad remarried, got divorced again, then married a ballet dancer." "They wanted me to stay at home, but I couldn't stand the dancer." "So I went to army school, just to get away from home." "At first I just did it for a lark." "Not because I needed money." "What use was money to me at army school?" "None." "As a minor, I got two-and-a half years." "Because of 17,000 Crowns." "17,000 Crowns' worth of stuff." "Why two-and-a half years?" "Because in that court there were fifty people in uniform, all determined to make an example of me." "My own stupid fault." "I should've picked a different organization, not an army school." "I picked the wrong school." "September 1989 Libkovice Juvenile Detention Centre" "Dear Helena, Thank you for the parcel which I got recently." "You've no idea how pleased I was." "I'm looking forward to your visit." "Tell me when it'll be, so time will pass quicker." "It's good to have something to look forward to, something nice." "You're the only thing like that I have here." "Best wishes, René." "'Our country needs people with ability'." "Klement Gottwald" "President Gustav Husak today met the Mongolian Foreign Minister." "Today the entire German Democratic press condemns Hungary's decision to allow GDR citizens to travel to the West from its territory as direct interference in the internal affairs of the GDR." "I wanted to prove to my father that I didn't need him, so I started earning my own money." "Of course it was all shady deals." "Anyway, I ended up inside." "Why did you want to prove that to yourfather?" "He said without him I was nothing." "Maybe he was right." "I wanted to be on my own. I just I set about it the wrong way." "Why didn't you stay with your Mum?" "No one asked me that when they got divorced. I was only six." "I stayed with Dad. I didn't much care who I stayed with." "I don't think I felt any strong emotional bonds." "I don't think I was afraid." "October 1989 Bory Prison, Pilsen" "I read a lot." "All sorts of things." "I've read every book here, at least all the interesting ones." "Then there are regular lectures..." "about Soviet cosmonauts and stuff." "Bory, 3rd Oct. 1989." "Dear Helena, Thank you so much for the parcel and even more for the kind letter." "I'm glad you're coming to see me." "My hands have started shaking, maybe it's because of the work." "I'd like you to film in the workshop, so people can see that we jailbirds don't just lie around all day sunbathing." "Here we work much harder than we ever did in Libkovice." "Libkovice, those were the days!" "Regards, René." "Now is the time!" "Now is the time!" "Up till August 21 this year I was saying the time was not yet ripe for putting all our hearts and souls into the struggle." "Today I believe that time has come." "Anxious?" "And depressed." "There's plenty to be depressed about:" "Not enough to eat, not enough material to meet our work quotas." "There's always something." "What do you think about?" "I don't think much." "Except maybe about the future, about what I'll do when I get out and trying to be optimistic, trying to imagine it'll be better than it really will be." "It's fun just to chat to someone about it, makes you feel better." "At least for a while." "The main thing is to get out soon." "That's what I think about." "I solemnly swear to be loyal to the Czechoslovak Socialist Republic." "How much did the amnesty cut your sentence by?" "Eleven months and twenty days." "Thanks to the amnesty." "I'll have to find a place to live, with a friend or whatever." "I don't know. lt won't be with my father." "Not with my mother either." "There's no point in bothering them or going to see them." "Ceské Budéjovice, 7th February 1990." "Dear Helena, I hope you are well." "You ask how it went at home." "Father doesn't want me and nor does Mother." "So I got a job as a crane operator with Skoda, where there's a hostel." "First I was on early shift." "When they tried to put me on late shift I refused, saying my Mum worked early shift so I'd never get a meal." "Next week I'm starting a new job at Koh-i-Noor." "Cheers, René." "They weren't taking on any trainees." "But maybe they are now, as he said there might be a job there he'd like." "I hope I'll like it. lt should be OK, being in a hospital." "I plan to stick to it this time, make some money and get on." "Show them I'm a good worker..." "gain their trust and so on." "Since the amnesty, most available jobs have been taken, I'm afraid." "Of course we've had to take back ourformer employees." "He should get himself a hobby, he's got plenty of free time." "All he does is hang around pubs." "He's such a layabout." "I mean, he could play football or some other sport." "He's tall enough... he could play volleyball or basketball." "But he's just not interested." "Sports don't appeal to me anymore, not like when I was younger." "I like music, yes." "But my family doesn't like my kind of music." "What else?" "OK, I go to pubs." "What am I supposed to do all day?" "That's what I'm saying." "You should go to work, then have fun afterwards." "In the evening you could go out to the pub...just one or two beers." "But not waste the whole day there." "I'm never there the whole day." "Just about." "You always start at the Station and end up at Havlicek's." "What is there to do here in Ceské Budejovice?" "Sod all." "I go to Rimov, don't I?" "And today I'm going to the carnival." "You see?" "Today he's off to the carnival." "And that's it." "Does he ever say:" "Can I give you a hand, Mum?" "Can I do the shopping for you?" "No." "He's so phlegmatic..." "won't lift a fingerfor anyone." "He only ever does what suits him." "I was lent this house by the mother of a girl I'm going out with." "I can live here the way it is until I get some money." "If I do get some money I'll buy it and do it up." "My parents?" "I should think they're glad I'm not with them." "They don't like having me around." "My father won't see me at all." "Being a big-shot musician, he just finds me an embarrassment." "Just because I've been in jail." "And mother?" "If I need something she gives it me. I mean, she's my Mum." "But she never seems very happy, like when I go to see her." "She's got six children, including me." "Five or six..." "I don't know." "My dad has no time for them." "Maybe it's four." "I'm not sure how many she's got." "with creative WORK WE fight FOR PEACE" "May 1990 ln accordance with Articles 169/A and 163/4 of the Penal Code, you are herewith charged with criminal fraud, in addition to the charges already pending." "Our new den..." "My brother and me have been fitting it out." "It suits us fine." "We've got everything we need here, really." "Though it doesn't look quite the way I imagined." "You were given 500 copies of the magazine New Life to sell, for which you were to return the sum of 775 Crowns." "You failed to do so." "Another 'criminal offence'." "I was sent some cash, but Mother took it." "She denied it." "So I pinched a cassette player and some tapes." "She claimed I took some videos and money as well." "But that's not true." "No one can prove it." "Not the court or the police or anyone else." "I was broke so got the New Life job and split the cash with my brother." "What did you spend that money on?" "On keeping alive." "Food, drink, and so on." "He's nineteen you know." "At that age I was pushing him in a pram." "I had plenty to keep me busy, lots of responsibilities." "He says he had his fill of work when he was in the detention centre." "What can you do?" "I don't want to work." "Not the sort of work I get offered." "I'd rather get by this way." "The last job I was offered was taking back empty bottles." "No way." "So now I'm living here with my brother." "He's left home." "We do just about everything together." "It's terrible." "But he won't change." "Of course he won't." "When the police were here they said he'd be better off in jail." "Then maybe his brother would come home, and we could stop worrying." "We don't get on well with mother." "That's why my brother left home." "He had so many chances, so many opportunities." "He wasted them all." "June 1990" "Ceské Budejovice, 12th June 1990." "Dear Helena, I'm back where l was last winter." "I seem to be the sort who can't stay outside for more than six months." "The problem is, I know how easy it is to get hold of money." "And you don't always end up where l am now." "Ninety-nine percent of it is luck." "I'd love to get a letterfrom Prague." "Who from, I wonder?" "Cheers from the clink, René." "They picked me up on the 7th, when I broke into that Alfa Romeo." "They asked me what else I'd taken but I didn't confess to anything." "They asked my brother." "He's never been in prison, so he confessed." "There was absolutely no need to." "So now he's been charged too." "He also confessed to stuff we'd done together.So I got charged with that." "As if one boy in jail wasn't enough, now the other's going too." "He's bound to, the things he's done." "He's got René to thank for that." "He followed his example." "Thought that's the way to live." "Steal something, then live it up for a bit." "He just refuses to work." "If you want something you have to work for it." "I don't suppose they'll let me off." "Like Mum says, you've got to work." "René never understood that and I doubt he ever will." "What about you?" "From now on I'm going straight." "I hope things work out this time." "He won't go straight." "That's what he said last time, when they gave him a suspended sentence, and look what happened." "What do they care if their mother's in the factory from 5am till 3pm?" "Slaving away so they can have what they want...colour TV and so on." "They'd have nothing if it wasn't for me." "But do they care?" "They just do as they please." "I solemnly swear to be loyal to the Czech and Slovak Federal Republic." "Ceské Budéjovice, 20th August, 1990." "Dear Helena, Yesterday I had a big row with my brother." "Things aren't at all how I thought." "He lied to me about everything." "Well, almost everything." "And I go along with it." "It's enough to drive you crazy." "I've never been so angry in my life." "I don't care how long l get. I feel like killing at least three people." "Please write me a letter, Helena, and send it here." "René." "It says: 'René, I couldn't find that magazine." "A Screw came to see us and yelled his stupid head off.'" "Ten here!" "Let's have it!" "March 1991" "Brother!" "Thirty-one!" "Brother!" "Alright, it was stupid of me." "I didn't know I'd end up in here." "When you're in court, tell them it was your own decision." "Don't say I told you to, OK?" "I'd never have thought of it alone." "I'm to blame too." "We'd never have done it if I hadn't listened to him." "I'm going mad in here." "Sometimes I mess the place up on purpose." "The Screws hate it." "But the ones who know me are used to it." "If they bring me cold water instead of hot and I've got a mess-tin - cooking is not allowed and you can cook in a mess-tin - l get so mad I light a fire on the floor and boil the water myself." "If they keep me inside till next year I'll really freak out." "Get myself tattooed, blue all over." "So what if people stare?" "I never much fancied tattoos, but now I couldn't give a shit." "I'll cover myself from head to toe ...blue, like this shirt." "Or maybe different colours, if they've got them." "At around midnight on 30 May 1990 René Plásil forced open the window of an Alfa Romeo car belonging to Roman Edelmann, a Dutch citizen, and removed the following items:" "4 cassette tapes worth 197 Crowns, 1 gas lighter worth 20 Crowns, 1 halogen bulb worth 80 Crowns," "1 Alfa Romeo sticker, 3 Crowns, and an unknown quantity of sweets worth at least 8 Crowns - amounting to a total theft of at least 308 Crowns." "Plus damage to the window of the vehicle totalling 32 Crowns." "I don't know whose fault it is." "is it ours, the parents'?" "Or theirs?" "It can't only be theirs. I reckon it's just the age we live in." "He'll get out and do it again. I've been working with him for months." "I've brought him books." "It's such a shame." "He's such a bright lad." "All because of one silly mistake." "And because his parents couldn't be bothered with him." "23 April 1991." "Hi Helena, I hope you are well." "Thanks for the parcel." "They finally let me out on the 17th." "I'm now in Horni Slavkov, working in a grinding shop." "I don't have to do it, but it makes a change from sitting around in a cell." "Cheers, René." "April 1991 Horni Slavkov Prison" "How long did you get?" "This time?" "Only twenty months." "I've already served one yearfor it and been in court seven times." "When I tell people why I'm doing time again, they don't believe me." "When you get bored you start decorating your own body." "My stuff's all a bit pessimistic, things like Fuck Freedom..." "or The Day Will Come." "Horni Slavkov, 5 June 1991." "Dear Helena, lt's bearable here." "I know lots of the people." "It's a bit dreary, but otherwise OK." "The weather here is always foul, it even snowed in May." "Once in a while me and the lads have a drink when someone smuggles in some yeast and we can make a brew." "Could you possibly bring me a few packets of wine yeast?" "It won't cost much and at least it'll jolly things up a bit." "Don't worry, no one will know who brought it." "Regards, René." "Grey skies over Czechoslovakia seem to reflect the feelings of many here that the elections may spell the end of the 7 4-year-old federation." "According to Reuters, the two sides are on a collision course." "Fellow citizens, I hereby announce my resignation as President of the Czech and Slovak Federal Republic, with effect from 20 July at 6 pm." "What would I do outside?" "Will anyone tell me?" "Nothing." "I've stopped believing I can make something of my life outside jail." "I can steal stuff, that's all." "But be a useful member of society?" "And feel good about it?" "No way." "Who'd want me anyway?" "You tell me that." "Looks like I'll be in and out of jail, in and out forever." "What pisses me off about prison is being locked up all the time." "But I wouldn't not commit a crime forfear of going back to jail." "No." "Sure I hate jail." "But I'll stick it out if I have to." "August 1992 René is released from prison" "What's my philosophy?" "I know I don't need to work, I'll always have enough money and I'll enjoy life just as much as people who slog their guts out for 20 or 30 years so they can build a house." "OK, they earn their money honestly and maybe that makes them feel good." "But for me it's far more tempting to make quick money like this." "I don't fancy working my ass off to buy a car or a sofa or a rug." "Not if I can get it all at once, fast." "Lots of people get away with it." "Maybe one day I will too." "Autumn 1992 René robs several flats" "One of them is Helena's" "Dear Helena, I'm sure I'm the last person you want a letterfrom." "As you know by now, I'm partly to blame for what happened to you." "You'll get most of it back." "Except the video, cassette-players, camera, and maybe some other stuff." "The whole lot came to 300,000, so no doubt I'll get at least ten years." "I spent the lot on booze and whores, so I reckon it was worth it." "My brother's in jail in Germany." "That's all for now." "René." "January 1993" "Dear Helena, I've got used to people moralizing about that break-in, calling me an ungrateful bastard, a hopeless case, etc." "I don't mind." "Though maybe I should." "I keep wondering why I did it." "I still don't know why I confessed." "Maybe it was a calculated move to stop you losing interest in me." "But that's not logical." "Or maybe I just felt guilty. I don't know." "Welcome to Czech TV News." "The Speaker of Parliament Mr. Uhde and Prime Minister Václav Klaus today welcomed President Havel and his wife Olga to the Chamber." "I solemnly swear to be loyal to the Czech Republic." "After the presidential oath, the National Anthem was played." "Dear Helena, You may be surprised to learn where l am:" "Valdice Prison." "Since I started my six-year sentence I've done a bit of writing." "I enclose some of my work." "I'd be awfully glad if you could try and do something with it." "Then at least I'll know whether what I'm doing is worthwhile." "Please write." "Thanks, René." "PS. I just got a letterfrom Eva." "She wants money for an abortion." "There's not much I enjoy doing." "Most of what I do here I hate." "That's the truth." "Perhaps the only thing I really enjoy is writing." "What else?" "Sleeping, I suppose, so time passes more quickly." "Today I'm feeling philosophical, chasing all these crazy thoughts." "Right now I'm thinking about my place in society." "I'm labelled a social outcast and looked on with contempt." "When I was sixteen they put me away for two-and-a-half years... unconditionally." "If that judge realized where he was sending me, he was a mean bastard." "Fucking swine." "He knew he was sending me to a place where instead of reforming me they'd only teach me to hate society." "In doing so he mapped out the path of my whole life." "René Plásil :" ""Runner on the Track to..."" "December 1995" "Eva's a girl I used to go out with." "I'm still fond of her." "She has a child, and had it with her when she came to see me in court." "The kid's obviously not mine, but she wants me to say it is." "Here you are, René. lt's all yours." "Do you know what it is?" "Yes. I can see." "The proofs." "What do you say?" "l'm glad I've achieved something." "Being in jail all the time, the least I could do was write a book." "Whose idea was that capital K?" "The graphic designer's, I expect." "December 2, 1996." "Hi Helena, it was good to hearfrom you." "Pity about the publishers." "Someone may still take it, by some miracle." "Somehow we'll find readers, apart from jailbirds, that is." "Two fellow-inmates read Runners and told me it was good." "It's a good feeling, having someone read what you've written." "Even the Screws have expressed an interest." "I'll let them read it, but only here in my cell." "Where did you spend last Christmas?" "Last Christmas?" "Here." "Same as last year, and the year before." "I spent my last eleven Christmases in the clink." "Every one of them." "January 1998 I like this bit here, on my arm." "Can you see it?" "He had to do it seven times, because every night the sweat softened it and when I straightened my arm it just rubbed off." "Now when I go for a blood test they can't find my veins." "Luckily I'm not a junky." "This one's the most recent." "Are you still trying to cultivate that 'desperado' image?" "Not any more." "But people still think that's the way I really am." "They slap a label on you, and then you're stuck with it." "Then changing your image becomes even more of a challenge." "Imagine having 'FUCK OFF PEOPLE' written across your throat, and at the same time being a great philanthropist!" "Sure I've got a reputation here." "As a plotter, yes." "But not a rat." "I solemnly swear to be loyal to the Czech Republic." "I swear to abide by its constitution and laws." "Dear Helena, First of all thanks a million for all you're doing for me." "The publisher came to see me and showed me the proofs of Runner." "I'm so glad to have a book coming out." "He also gave me 5000 Crowns." "I've nearly spent it all, mostly paying off my bloody debts." "Hi René." "Hi there." "What's new?" "Not a lot." "How's it going?" "l dunno." "We'll see." "How long has it been?" "Six years and one month." "René Plásil here." "Can I speak to Eva?" "Of course, who do you think?" "She just wrote me a letter." "Eva. I don't know where she is..." "I'm in Valdice..." "I just got out." "So what about this kid of hers?" "ls it really yours?" "I suppose it's mine." "But who can tell?" "No, they didn't let me out." "I escaped, didn't I?" "You seriously think I want to spend another ten years in there?" "Of course I will." "From now on." "Wouldn't you enjoy living with your wife and child?" "I don't fancy being stuck with one girl as soon as I get out." "Hardly. I'll want to play the field a bit, at least for a month or so." "Yes, that's what she wrote." "She goes to Pankrac hospital, doesn't she?" "She has to go in for dialysis three times a week?" "Have you got any tea?" "When I'm stoned I get millions of brilliant ideas." "Then I write them down and end up chucking it all out, because it's unreadable and doesn't make sense." "Better to work with a clear head." "How many sugars?" "No sugar." "My problem as a writer is I don't know what to do with what I write." "When I told you I didn't have any paper, maybe you didn't believe me." "See, these are my court proceedings." "My case." "Just look at it all." "I've written all over the back, on all the blank pages." "I didn't have any paper so I used the back of the court proceedings." "Here's your tea." "That'll be eight crowns." "When I wrote those first pieces I didn't have any trouble with form." "I just wrote it down as it came to me." "But now form is a problem, because I'm trying to get a certain effect, I want it to sound kind of brutal." "But I still don't know when to switch from one form to another." "Should it be a diary or a letter or just a story?" "I don't know yet." "In these postmodernist times you can write any way you like." "Sure, but I want to give it form." "Otherwise it would just be a mess, a load of sloppily-written rubbish." "At least I want it to be consistent." "Better than boozing, anyway." "What are you afraid of?" "The future." "But as Einstein said, or whoever it was:" "'Never rush into the future." "It comes soon enough.'" "We'll see what happens." "Something will, sometime." "I'll put this in the ashtray." "There's nowhere else." "Where do you find all these quotes?" "Einstein, Shakespeare... I read them, and remember them." "The other day our psychologist called and read me some Freud." "Well it's years since I read Freud, but I was able to complete a quote." "She got quite excited and said I must go to this special department for people going through a crisis and they'd have a talk with me." "It took all my diplomatic skill not to tell her to go to hell." "I got one of the Warders to tell them they needed me to work here, so I wouldn't have to go there and talk to them." "I don't know where l'll go." "No idea. I'll see how I feel." "The worst thing is a kind of apprehension, a vague fear." "These six years I've been here, the neurons in my brain haven't managed to produce a single normal thought about what exactly I'll do." "Here in jail I enjoy writing." "But maybe when I get out I won't feel like writing, and the stuff I'm working on now won't get finished. I've no idea." "Uncertainty, not fearfor myself." "I can always look after myself." "The worst that could happen to me would be going back to jail." "But I'm sick of jail." "I don't know what to do." ""l'm not going back into a cage!" "I'm a free man!"" "Dear Helena, I got out on June 17." "By June 25 I didn't have a cent." "I got a job in a bar, illegally." "Lousy money." "Fights with Eva." "No money." "No flat." "Hostels all full." "Hotels too expensive." "I thought:" "I'm not sleeping at the station." "So I robbed a flat." "I knew it was only a matter of time before I got nicked again." "Even as I did it I was working out how long l'd get this time." "October 1998 René's first book comes out" "August 16, 1999." "Dear Helena, Greetings!" "It's ages since I wrote." "Nothing much has happened, and anyway I know you're very busy." "You know I quite envy you, always working on something you enjoy." "I read in the paper: "Documentary Hero Back on Crime Spree!"" "They reckon I took 790,000's worth." "But I doubt they can prove it." "The local press ran a front-page story on me, followed by a three-quarter page spread inside:" ""Writer's Brief Taste of Freedom"" "So here I am again." "I've signed a contract for my second book, "Gods, lnc."" "It's due out in November." "PS. I'm an incorrigible crook and a fool." "January 2000." "René's mother has remarried and moved to Germany." "His brother Daniel is a security guard at Temelin Nuclear Power Station" "March 20, 2000." "Dear Helena, "Gods, lnc." has just come out." "I'll send you a copy as soon as I can. I'm very pleased, as I'm beginning to think of myself almost as a writer." "I recently read nine novels by Graham Greene and came to the conclusion I'd never be able to write like that." "I'm twenty-nine today, so I've got some time left before I turn thirty, time to do something with my life." "But I don't know what it'll be." "Sure jail is horrible." "But if you've spent all your life there since 15 it does give you some kind of sense of values, and certainties." "I think a lot of people come back not because they miss it exactly, but because they can handle it, and they can't handle life outside." "Sure you have a better life outside, but you have lots of problems too." "In jail there are no problems." "August 2000 René has trouble with his eyes and is sent to Pankrác Military Hospital, Prague" "Dear Helena, Greetings. lt seems I'm unable to live a normal life." "I'm afraid of staying in jail." "This monotony is killing me." "What's the point of a life like this?" "I'm getting blinder and blinder." "As if messing up my life wasn't enough, now I can't even see." "What if it's all a kind of trial?" "Maybe, if you don't lose your sight, you're meant to do good in the world." "Sure." "And can anyone tell me what 'doing good' means?" "There must be a way of finding out." "Why find out?" "One good turn deserves another." "OK, let's say there are people who'd do me a good turn... a kindness." "I wouldn't do the same for them." "What would be the point?" "Would they appreciate it?" "I think they'd prefer some material reward." "Money, for example." "But kindness?" "Maybe a girl if she's in love with me." "Yes, she'd appreciate kindness." "Otherwise I doubt there's anyone who cares if I'm kind or not." "Who's that?" "Eva." "And the little boy?" "That's Pete." "ls he yours?" "Yes. lf he really is." "I told her I wouldn't acknowledge paternity, not even now I'm out." "What does she say?" "She says he's mine." "Except when she's pissed off with me." "Anyway, how can I find out?" "I don't care either way." "I accept him as my own, and treat him accordingly." "When I'm around." "This is her in hospital." "September 2001" "I got a letterfrom Pete." "He says he's OK, and thinks I'm OK, but Mummy isn't OK at all." "In her last letter she said she was having trouble with her kidneys." "She's going in for dialysis three times a week, by ambulance." "It seems the transplant they gave her didn't take." "Then she had some problems and stopped taking the pills." "Maybe she wanted to kill herself." "Terrorists have carried out attacks in Washington and New York." "The Czech Army is on high alert and security has been stepped up." "Several hijacked airliners crashed in Washington and New York and explosions have been reported in other cities." "In New York two planes smashed into the World Trade Centre." "What's new?" "Well, at last they've come up with a diagnosis." "They found some malignant cells, which any idiot knows means cancer." "But so far it doesn't bother me much. I get headaches, and I'm losing some weight, but otherwise I'm fine." "Two hours later the two skyscrapers collapsed." "People rushed to the exits in panic, but it seems the evacuation... lf someone asked me: does God exist?" "I'd say no." "But if they asked:" "Does eternity exist?" "I'd say I don't know." "It's all very well for philosophers who have nothing else to do except ponder the meaning of life and write books about it." "That's fine as long as you don't have to worry about surviving." "For me the big problem is survival." "Only when I've solved that can I think about other things." "So where do I go from here?" "I don't know." "Maybe your purpose is to write?" "Write?" "I sometimes think how simple it would be to turn out quick, easy stuff, the stuff people want to read." "But if I try and produce something with a bit more depth to it the publishers say:" "It's not bad, but we can't consider it at present." "So why keep trying?" "Writing is a way of escaping the reality of jail." "When I write I can even escape from other realities, all reality." "I don't like reality one little bit." "If someone called Mrs. Trestiková hadn't come along and filmed me, I'd still be a persistent offender with nothing to show for himself." "As it is I'm now in the papers, I write books, I get published." "I could never have achieved any of that on my own." "But you did achieve it on your own." "You really believe that?" "I don't." "What interests me is life generally." "I like thinking about it, trying to ...formulate the meaning of what we do, or should do, or want to do." "Most people don't have any such problems, and I quite envy them." "They know that when get out they're going to do this or that or that." "They have a clear idea of where they're going. I wish I did." "It would make life a lot easier." "That's all I want to have, a clear idea of my future." "Of my own life." "April 2002 René's girlfriend Eva dies." "We were always arguing and splitting up, but I did love her." "With her I had a sense of security." "That's gone now." "This tooth hurts." "For twelve years I was healthy, and now I'm sick." "Of course people start going on about the will of God and suchlike, not that that explains anything." "I have a dehydrating brain disease, in Latin it's sclerosis multiplex." "That's multiple sclerosis." "And also...what's it called?" "Warder, could I have some water, please?" "If there's a tap anywhere." "Right." "Your last words." "My last words." "Maybe the last of the whole film." "If I can't raise any more money." "Could I have a glass of water?" "There isn't any." "I don't know what to say." "There's so much I want to tell you." "So much we could tell each other." "Maybe we can keep it for another time." "Over coffee, outside." "For now just tell me what you'd like me to say in yourfilm." "lt's yourfilm, not mine." "Yourfilm. I'm just an extra." "That's not true." "You provide all the input." "I provide input?" "Only by answering your questions." "I want to apologize again for what happened back then, 1990 wasn't it?" "So it's in the film once at least, since we've come to the end." "Do you think we'll meet again?" "Now you've finished filming?" "It's up to you." "I won't come looking for you." "I'd feel a bit...awkward." "What do you think?" "If I ever come to Prague will you let me invite you out?" "As an ordinary person, not as a criminal looking for help again." "l'm glad of that." "For a coffee?" "Yeah. I don't know." "I know it may sound a bit pathetic on camera like this, butt I've grown used to you." "You've been filming me since 1988." "That's 14 years. ln those 14 years I've seen my mother about six times." "I've seen you ten times more often." "Force of habit, and so on." "Remember those letters I used to write in that careful handwriting?" "I suppose I was in love with you." "I've forgotten, not that it matters." "For me you're now a person who..." "What did I ask you in the hospital that time?" "Do you remember?" "Can I say this on camera?" "I asked if you saw me as an object of study, or whether I meant anything more to you than just the subject of a film." "Can you give me a straight answer?" "What did I say?" "l don't remember." "Nobody is just an object of study." "Sure." "But you'd say that about anyone, wouldn't you?" "I can hold on a bit, even without water." "Nobody has ever been just an object of study." "Well that's something." "Thanks." "Three o'clock then." "Will you come alone?" "I'll come with a camera." "With a camera, eh?" "Well I'll come alone." "l'm sure we'll see each other." "l hope so." "Goodbye." "Ciao!" "We've known each other for a while, eh?" "Ciao." "And bring an audio-recorder." "Cheers." "Bye for now." "Cheers." "Take care." "I like that 'Cheers'." "Can you say it again?" "Cheers." "Thanks. I like the way you say it." "Kind of mellow." "Not many people say it like that." "Cheers." "September 2002" "This is my first trip to Prague as a free man." "Every autumn since 1987 I've spent in custody." "Now at last I can see the beauties of autumn as a free citizen." "Aha...a school outing." "When I was a kid I always wanted to go on one, but I never did." "Now I'm over thirty I can hardly go on trips with a bunch of teenagers." "Studanky is in South Bohemia, right on the German border." "I work in various places..." "Let's call them nightclubs, not to say brothels." "They have signs outside like Nightclub Jeanette or Nicola's Bar." "It's better than kicking my heels, or robbing and mugging people." "Easier too." "Of course I don't make much money, and I spend it all right away, so I'm no better off in the end." "I'd like to write about life." "Life like it really is." "Something people want to read, like Runner." "Something that flows, like a melody without any discords." "Right now I can't write like that." "Maybe I'll manage it sometime, when I have a quieter life outside, away from the bars and women." "Otherwise I can't see it happening." "October 2002" "Love?" "No problems there, at least not for me." "I just think about ourfuture, finding a job, and so on." "But I've no real worries." "I can get by on very little, living with someone in one flat." "I don't need money for hotels or hostels or motels or bars." "I used to hang around in bars and meet new people all the time, lots of casual acquaintances." "That was a lot more expensive than spending your time with one person." "All thanks to you, Katarina." "l don't know." "That's what everyone says." "That thanks to her I'm not in jail." "Dad said it." "My brother said it." "Well I hope you never go back." "Me too." "How about you?" "l told you what I think." "So will you keep an eye on him?" "Of course, as far as I can." "She says she's not letting me go back inside." "If I do she won't come and visit me." "So I can't go back, can I?" "He told me everything. I've read his book, I've seen the film." "It's fine by me." "I don't do anything illegal." "All I do is sell liquor to pubs, in a manner of speaking." "I don't ask where it comes from." "Everyone knows anyway." "I don't care, I just flog the stuff." "And the profit I make, well that's mine." "I want to find a job, then we'll see how it goes." "If I can't we'll go back to Slovakia and I'll help out my parents." "They're always asking me to go home..." "Telling her, more like." "They can't see any good in me." "I'm not surprised." "They were absolutely against Katka going off with me." "It's true, life is beautiful." "I hope it gets even better." "What else can I say?" "Let's hope it lasts a bit longer." "It can't last forever, can it?" "Listen Helena, I don't know where to go or what to do." "I've been at the station since seven, and I'm not alone." "I'm trying to get to Slovakia." "We're stuck here with 30 kilos of luggage and nothing else." "My phone's fucked, and so's the money." "She got paid off from her job, the girl who's going with me." "I need to talk to you, I can't get hold of anyone." "I'll ring again later." "Ciao." "March 2003" "Hi Helena. I'm writing from jail again." "Nothing new, eh?" "I pinched 3 bottles of vermouth and got 10 months, just like that." "For 700 Crowns' worth." "Because I'm a repeat offender." "I should have stuck to break-ins instead of trying to be clever." "Could you phone and see if Katka's at home and send me her address?" "She doesn't even know I'm here and I can't remember her exact address." "The last girl really did love me." "Joy danced around us and slid into every orifice of our bodies." "All lovers want is to remain fools." "Forget all that Freudian crap." "It's not about sex." "Mostly it's about plain old fucking fear, fear that it's all going to end:" "the embraces, the harmony, making plans, taking baths, boozing, screwing, laughing..." "Everyone's scared of something:" "losing an election, losing a match, burning the cakes, infidelity, intimacy, even their own shadow." "It's fear that makes the world go round." "René Plásil:" ""Diary of a Forgotten Man"" "Be calm, Iphigenia." "Consider what you are about to do." "I swear on my honour to serve the best interests of the people to the best of my ability and conscience." "...and she is the woman I love." "Sworn statement:" "I, Katarina Kubicova, single, hereby declare that I have been living with René Plásil , Nádrazni 33, Ceské Budéjovice, Czech Republic, since December 5, 2002 as his common law wife." "She sent me this, after keeping it for six years or so." "I want you, all of you. I love you very, very, very, very much, more than anything in the world." "Please come back, my love." "Your loving Katarina." "Do you think you're such a great catch for her?" "No, I'm not a great catch." "But better than the guys she had before." "That's her in the bath, in the flat we had in Zizkov." "It's probably the only one I took myself." "May I see?" "Good morning." "Sit down, Mr. Plásil." "The purpose of today's session is to consider your application for parole." "Do you still wish to proceed?" "Yes." "At least I bought a new Timex." "Better than nothing." "In accordance with Paragraph 61 of the Penal Code, the application by René Plásil dated January 8, 2004, is herewith denied." "The prisoner's life hitherto offers no guarantee of good behaviour should parole be granted." "Madame Prosecutor, do you wish to appeal against the Court's decision?" "No, I renounce the right of appeal." "Then that is all." "You will receive the verdict in writing." "The session is concluded." "It doesn't matter much whether they let me out or not." "The worst of it is that I really was expecting to get out." "If I'd got out this summer Katka and I might've got it together again." "But if I get out in November I'll be alone again, and carry on as before." "It's a pity." "We used to have a good time together. I loved her." "I really was in love with her, but now I'm mad at her too." "I've just turned 33. I didn't celebrate, just took a few pills." "I get the feeling I'm sinking lower and lower and lower." "I don't mean a thing in other's eyes. I couldn't give a toss about the people around me here." "I mean in my own estimation." "In a few seconds we'll be a part of Great Europe." "I doubt if much will change." "Except I might finally try my hand at proper crime." "But go straight?" "I've tried it often enough." "Five, four, three, two, one..." "What do you mean by proper crime?" "I always felt bad about mugging people, hurting them in some way." "But it's the quickest way of getting money, apart from drugs, that is." "...And every morning you wake up To hear the Ode To Joy." "Where miracles still happen And love flows still and quiet" "Where wisdom mellows angry hearts Like rainfall in the night..." "Dear Helena, How are you?" "The world's gone raving mad." "Either that, or everything's normal and I'm the misfit." "Things aren't good with me." "Katka never visited me and never wrote." "Could you phone her please?" "Why?" "So I don't screw things up completely." "This trauma of mine may make great material for my new book, but I feel farfrom great." "Fucking drugs. I love her all the same." "You know how girls who don't work get money for drugs and drink." "The thought of it makes me sick." "In prison I'm helpless. I'm fucked." "A place where love of life Fills every girl and boy" "And every morning you wake up To hear the Ode To Joy." "December 2004 René starts a business" "OK, I'll do that." "Getting registered may take a long time, you know." "In the meantime you'll apply for a business licence, right?" "I've already drafted the leaflets and all the publicity material." "What we're planning is a kind of import service." "Most of the goods we'll bring overfrom the Czech Republic." "Prices are lower here so we can sell at a profit in Slovakia." "I think you only pay tax on shipments of over 80,000 Crowns." "We'll have to pay import duty, but if we take it over in small batches it'll be perfectly legal." "I don't have a record in Slovakia, so if I'm a permanent resident I can apply for a business licence and no one can touch me." "Hello Mr. Kubica, this is René Plásil." "Have you found Katka yet?" "I was supposed to pick her up and bring her over to Czechia." "I want to get her away from those bloody junkies, but Roman, the guy she's with, gave her some hard stuff last Saturday and I've been looking for her ever ever since. I've tried everywhere," "spent all my money, but he's keeping her hidden somewhere." "I've got all her stuff, I mean over in Slovakia, but she doesn't care." "She can't change her clothes, can't wash, can't do anything." "He keeps doping her." "After a couple of days with me she was always OK again." "Then Roman would get her some more smack and we'd be back in the shit." "What am I supposed to do?" "Get Roman arrested, or what?" "They told me I was emotionally deprived." "Well now I really am." "I'm totally fucked up, I don't know what the hell's going on." "One thing I know for sure:" "I'm sorry for Katka." "It's more pity than love." "Till that last time we met I still loved her." "But when I saw her it wasn't the same woman I knew from photos, the woman I'd left, who'd left me." "It was a woman ten years older, with wrinkles and a faded complexion. ls that the word?" "Then I found I didn't even enjoy sleeping with her any more." "So what's your goal now?" "If only I knew." "It's a dumb question." "I just don't know." "Before I wanted to be with Katka and be free." "But now?" "I don't know." "March 2005" "March 28, 2005." "Dear Helena, I'm writing from prison as usual." "This time I didn't do anything." "In 2003 I was given 400 hours community work, but I never turned up." "So they gave me 200 days." "And now the bank's after me for the instalments on the car, even though I wrote saying that in my present situation I can't pay." "So that's going to be a big hassle." "Katka doesn't know I'm back inside." "This place is wonderful." "Watching fucking soaps from dawn to dusk." "I know them all by heart." "Outside I watch TV once or twice a year." "Dear Helena, the people here are beginning to get to me." "I prefer not to talk to them about my books, or anything of interest." "So life behind bars is killing me." "It's not the regime or the Screws." "It's the inmates. I'm surrounded by total idiots. I must get out." "I've lost interest in everything:" "writing, reading, sleep, food." "It's like one of those foul autumn days when nothing goes right." "I flick through porn mags." "Photos of Katka in every one." "I've made a truly great discovery:" "I'm incapable of leading a normal life orfinding a normal partner." "One disaster after another." "Do you have any news of Katka?" "Only what I see in porn mags." "I've studied them closely with a magnifying-glass, every inch, every freckle I know so well." "See that." "l don't think that's her." "I'm afraid it is." "In the last ones I saw she looked totally stoned." "December 2006" "Welcome to Czech TV News." "The People's Party have nominated theirfifth cabinet member." "The likely new Minister of Culture is a woman with no links to the party, documentary filmmaker Helena Trestiková..." "Dear Helena, This may be the last letter of our correspondence." "I've just heard you're up for a ministerial post." "That's cool." "It'll mean a lot of changes." "The only one that concerns me, and the most painful, is that you won't have any time for me." "OK, for you I was a subject for a film." "But now I don't expect you'll have time to sit behind the camera asking questions." "Not for a while, at least." "That makes me really sad." "You made me feel my life wasn't completely without purpose." "Mr President, allow me to present my new government..." "All convention is useless." "Even literary convention." "I do all my writing at night in the loo of my posh new cell at Valdice Prison." "It's nice and quiet here." "Why do I write?" "Because I want to." "I'm angry and depressed." "I've no appetite, except for sex." "I'm a useless parasite on humanity." "René." "The toilets are all occupied." "After lunch, isn't it?" "You write on the toilet, don't you?" "No, of course I don't." "Jan. 23, 2007." "Dear Helena, I hear you've resigned." "I'm not surprised." "No news here." "Nothing ever changes in the joint." "Take care." "Just do your own thing and forget the government." "René." "April 2007 René becomes President" "I've set up an association, approved by the Ministry of the lnterior." "I made myself executive president," "We get between 14,000 and 90,000 Crowns coming in." "So that's what I'm living on." "What kind of society is it?" "An anti-tobacco society." "You get a few leaflets printed, then get a few schoolgirls to hand them out for 200-300 Crowns a day, to show the association is active." "We do posters too." "Then there's a grant for creative projects by society members, which is handy, since I may have to publish my latest book myself." "At least it's a bit of income." "How's your mother?" "Fine." "She looks happy enough..." "Tell me more." "...and she's rich." "She invited me to stay next winter with a warm sweater and gloves." "I hope I've seen the last of Valdice." "Fucking awful place." "I say that every time." "But this last sentence really has pissed me off." "Don't ask me why. I'm fed up, I'm getting older..." "I don't know." "I can't ever imagine working for someone and having to go to work whether I felt like it or not." "That's not for me." "Never has been." "Couldn't you survive on your allowance if you lived simply?" "No way. I just can't imagine it." "I smoke three packs a day, so it would keep me in fags for a month." "Isn't it a question of priorities?" "For me the main thing is freedom." "I'd cut my needs to a minimum, but every morning I'd wake up knowing I was a free woman." "Well, I've tried it and I'd say it's only for monks or madmen." "If you have any ambition you can see you'll never get out of the rut." "But if freedom means living like a hermit, with no comforts, you might as well stay in the nick." "You don't seem to value freedom very highly." "I do." "Freedom is important." "Without it I can't do anything." "Here I'm suffocating without it." "When I get out the only people I know are other criminals." "I won't meet any new people just by sitting at home." "Where can I go if I want to lead an honest life?" "With no money?" "I can't go anywhere, can I?" "Except maybe the park." "You could out for a coffee." "Yes, I could go out for a coffee." "Except I don't drink coffee." "FUCK OF FREE." "Fuck freedom." "I had this one re-tattoed when I finally got it into my thick head that freedom is a fine thing." "FUCK OF PEOPLE. I've got that written across my throat." "One day you say:" "You idiot, how can you exist without other people?" "Sure, you still fuck them and treat them like shit, but you have to love the people around you, and treat them decently." "Do I regret the tattoos?" "Sometimes." "But now I've got them and I'm bloody well keeping them!" "René Plásil:" ""Diary of a Forgotten Man"" "June 2007" "Dear Helena, your letter came as a surprise." "A pleasant one." "It's good you trust me enough to lend me a handycam for a few days." "The idea of occupying myself with something other than booze and women is strangely exciting." "Perhaps it's exciting to know someone trusts you." "Has anyone ever told you that?" "Engaged." "I thought I'd make a new kind of real-life documentary." "I can film in situations and places that reporters never see." "And if you add these shots to your film, it'll really bring it to life." "Believe me." "I can't wait to get started." "All I know about Katka is what her mother told me on the phone." "She's got two kids, she's fine, and she doesn't want to talk to me." "If she's got two kids, one of them must be mine." "That means she can't have had that abortion in January 2005." "It'll be a camera like this one." "It's set to EASY, see?" "That means the camera basically does everything itself." "It'll focus automatically on Helena, say, or the cameraman." "Can I shoot?" "For real?" "Just press the button and you should see REC, for recording." "Recording." "OK, now you're filming." "Before you move the camera try and keep it still for a moment." "Then you can pan round, but don't move too fast." "That way each shot has a beginning and an end." "Dear Helena, I'm in a melancholy, reflective mood." "God knows why." "I've done around seventy break-ins in my time, and spent every cent." "But those days are over." "Stealing just doesn't turn me on any more." "Armed robbery scares me, and new cars are all fucking burglar-proof." "Sure I still commit crimes, but only safe ones, being the coward I am." "I'm a parody of a criminal, a guy who longs to go straight, yet gets a cheap thrill from making a few hundred without getting nicked." "A piddling walk-on part in the theatre of life." "With no script." "And, whenever he really needs them, no lines." "That's Plásil." "July 2007" "René is due to hand over the film he has shot and return the handycam" "You're quite hopeless, René." "Absolutely impossible." "Last night when I texted her everything was arranged." "But last night I had it all fixed up." "I'm out of town and won't be back till late." "Annette." "Why do you always mess things up?" "l don't." "They mess themselves up." "I really need that camera today." "I'll bring it over as soon as I get it." "However late it is." "No!" "I don't want you coming to my place." "Then you'll have to wait." "No." "You find that camera by the time we leave, which is 6 p.m." "I screwed that up, didn't I?" "René never returned the camera or handed over the film he'd shot." "Dear Helena, I've had a long, hard think about the relationship between a documentary director and her subject." "Have you ever considered what effect you have on your subjects' lives?" "You're a professional, I suppose, so it's not your problem." "You pay them money, and bit by bit they sell you scraps of their lives." "Plásil is beginning to look like a whore who'll sell anything just because he needs the cash and has no other option." "Times have changed." "It's all quick 'n' easy." "And probably unnecessary." "Take care, and don't overwork." "Cheers." "René." "I solemnly swear to be loyal to the Czech Republic l swear to abide by its constitution and laws." "March 2008" "René sends Helena a message saying he no longer has the handycam, and only used it to make porn movies."