"There you are!" "Up in the morning and already poking about in weeds?" "Oh no!" "Not weeds...at least refer to them as flowers and leaves." "I've been the caretaker here for 1 4 long years." "And I've seen men of many kinds come up to the hills." "Some come here as tourists..." "some for their health some others to spoil their health too." "But you're the first who comes hunting for weeds." "Not "weeds"..." "I'm a professor of Botany...the science of plants." "Ah!" "You put rubbish into the heads of children!" "Whoever let you teach in the school!" "The Government of India did." "The Government does all the wrong things." "Well, have you any news of your grandson?" " How is he?" " God only knows." "Neither have I received a letter from the village, nor from the Government." " The Government?" " Yes, I'd applied to the government for a day's leave." " But there's no reply." " Why don't you leave to see them?" "It's a matter of only a day." "Besides, there's no one here but me." "In a couple of days, a group of girls are supposed to come here." "They'll come in a couple of days." "By then you can be back." "If they come earlier, I'll be fired from my job." "Your grandson is ill...and here you are bothering about the job!" "I'll take care if anyone comes by." "Here...keep this...and go and visit your grandson." "Just a minute..." " What's this!" " That's what." "Now take off your shawl." "And put on my coat." "Now tell me, don't I look like an original caretaker?" "There's no fear of losing the job." "Now you can go." "But give me the keys." " But how will you go?" " lt's through the mountain pass." " About 4 or 5 hours' walking." " Well then, be on your way." " Caretaker!" " Coming, Madam!" "Come quickly." "And help us with the luggage." "Why don't you people carry your own luggage?" "Don't make the poor fellow slog." " Here comes the Communist." " What has Communism to do with it?" " Yes....at your service, Ma'am." " Please carry this luggage." "Please proceed." "I'll carry the luggage in." " Will somebody help me down please!" " Here, let me give you a hand." "You won't be able to take the weight." "Hey!" "Where do you think you're going?" " Help me out first!" " Yes, yes." "Certainly." "Just a minute!" "One minute!" " Yes, come down now." " Not a strong care-taker, are you?" "We've got a reservation starting tomorrow." "But we're here early." " Have you made any arrangements?" " Everything's arranged." "Here, take the keys." "Please proceed." "Girls!" "Get Moving!" "There seems to be only one other person staying here." " What's the name?" " Dr. Parimal Tripathi!" "Sulekha!" "Come over here." "Quickly!" "Dr. Parimal Tripathi is staying here." "Dr. Parimal Tripathi!" "How do you know?" "It's written here." "Room No. 8." "Come, let's take a look." "Here's Room No. 8." "But where is Professor Tripathi?" "Why don't you call out?" "What are you doing here?" "Please go to your room." " ls Prof. Tripathi staying here?" " Yes." "He's someone with the Govt." " Some doctor of grass and weeds." " What a shame!" "Not weeds refer to them as flowers and leaves at least." "Will you?" " Do you happen to know him?" " Yes." "All of us are botany students." "And we study books written by him." "Where can we find Professor Tripathi?" " He's gone to see his grandson - l thought he was a young man." "He's an old man." "A very old man." " When is he coming back?" " When are you going away?" " After 2-3 days." " He'll return after 2-3 days then." "He doesn't like crowds." "Now, please go to your rooms." "Go on, move it." "Good girls." " Caretaker!" "Caretaker!" " Coming Ma'am." "Coming!" " We're very hungry." " That's what I'm trying to state." " ls there any arrangement for food?" " No." "There's only water for bathing." " Where do you get food from?" " The restaurant over there." "Well then, make some arrangements for us too." "It's difficult to make arrangement for so many people." "In that case, we'll give you some tips...here...keep this." "Only 2 rupees!" "The professor tips me in fivers!" "Besides, you have such a huge contingent." " Very well." "Here's a fiver." " And your arrangements are made!" "Can you serve us tea around 3 p.m. down there?" "That would be quite difficult." "I can't leave my post." "Can't you..." "Oh!" "Can't you?" "Well, I can, you know." "Tell me, where do you want it?" " Over there." " lt'll be sent." "Make sure you get some eggs, bread and butter too." " l'll get all 5 of these for you." " Five?" "What five?" "Bread, butter, eggs, tea and me!" "Seem to be a smart one, don't you?" "And what do I do with the change?" " Keep it." " l'll thank the Lord for it!" "He's given you as large a heart." " What do you mean?" " Nothing ma'am!" "Nothing at all." " Girls!" "Come here." " Yes, Ma'am." "I'll hold a class at 3'O Clock sharp." "Down there." "Collect your specimens and get the whole lot down there." "Understand?" "At 3 Sharp, then." "This is the Corolla of the flower, as you already know." "Now cut out the Corollas in your specimens." "You will remember that I'd told you about compound flowers like the Marigold." "The marigold isn't a single flower." "A marigold is a bouquet of smaller flowers." "Every petal in a marigold, is, in fact, a flower." "Now separate the compound flowers among the specimens you've collected." " Ma' am!" " Let's take a break for snacks." " Goodness!" "These eggs are raw!" " How else could they be?" " You should've got them boiled." " l wasn't told to get them boiled." "I thought you were having a picnic!" "You'd boil them over here!" " Never mind. I'll boil the eggs." " Where'd you get water?" "There's a stream nearby. lf you could help, it'd be quicker." " Come." "Let's get to work." " Very well." "Let's go." " Caretaker" " Yes, Ma'am." "Sit down." "Sit down." "Has Professor Tripathi returned?" " Not yet." " l see." "Why are you sitting over there?" "I'll fetch a chair for you." " l'm alright." " Let me get it for you." "No, it's alright." "Sit down." "is Professor Tripathi really an old man?" "He's old enough." "But not very old." "His face is slightly crooked." "And when he speaks...his face turns up..." "like this." "The poor fellow is stricken with polio." "Why should you be unhappy if that professor is old?" "No. lt's just that I read the other day that rarely has anyone excelled in Botany at as early an age." "These professors reach the "youth" at the age of 50 or thereabouts when teeth start running loose and hair starts falling." "It's the youth of wisdom..." "not the physical youth." "No, no. lt's not like that." "Just that Dr Tripathi hails from Allahabad." "So, you're from Allahabad, are you?" " Have you ever been to Allahabad?" " No." "But who hasn't heard of it?" " My elder wife says that she..." " Elder wife ?" "!" "Yes, I have 2 wives." " What about your children?" " Counting both the wives 12 children in all." "2 wives and 12 children." "Goodness!" "Two wives!" "And twelve children." "Sounds like the title of a movie." "It's not a good idea to sit down and chat with caretakers." " What do you mean?" " The younger wife is quarrelsome." "If she sees me chatting with you like this, she'll tear my hair out." "Now, please go away from here." "Please go." " Caretaker!" " Coming!" "Uncle!" "You've already come!" "Go to my room!" "Relax!" "He's my uncle." " Why did he answer my call then?" " We're from the same caste." " Caste?" " Yes." "We're caretakers by caste." "So, it's a habit answering to calls for caretakers." " Can you get me some rope?" " Yes, I have." " Whom do you want to tie up?" " You!" " Ma'am!" " l have to tie up the luggage." " Bring some rope if you have it." " Yes. I'll go and get it." " What's all this happening?" " l had to do all this." "Otherwise, your job would've been at stake." "No sooner had you left, than their bus came up." "I had to put in an act." "Now tell me, how your grandson is." "The temperature has subsided." "But he's still very weak." "Now get along, have a bath and take a change of clothes." "I must continue the charade." "Otherwise, they'll get to know who I am." " What do you mean?" " They know me by name as Parimal Tripathi, a professor of Botany." "Now go inside." "Can I ask you why you had put up the act?" " l beg your pardon." " l've heard everything." "You've heard, have you!" "Now, how could this poor fellow have gone to see his grandson, had I not put up a charade?" "But, why were you asking for tips everytime?" "Now tell me, without the 'tip' part, would it have been convincing?" "Professor Tripathi, you've collected 12 rupees for your act as caretaker." " Well, yes." " Now please return the tips." "Yes, yes." "Certainly." " Here take this." " l don't have change on me." "Never mind." "You can keep it all." "Wait." "Listen... I want to take a look at Prof. Tri- pathi's polio-stricken crooked face." " Please take the cap off." " What !" "Now take your cap off!" "Else, I'll let the cat out of the bag." " Caretaker!" "Caretaker!" " Coming, Ma'am." "Carry the luggage to the bus, will you?" "Goodness!" "This bag is as heavy as she is." "Move it..." "Move it." "is the luggage loaded?" " Hey you!" "Help me in, will you?" " Yes, ma'am." " Now get the luggage, will you?" " Yes, yes." "Come on, Sulekha." "Come on." " Let me help you." " No." "Let me..." "I won't ask for tips!" "When Prof. Tripathi returns, will you give him "lots of love" from me?" " l will." " And here...take this." " What's this?" " Your tips." "Go on, keep it." " Good riddance." " Here, keep this." " She left a tip." " What's in this piece of paper?" " She has left her address." " The one who gave you the tip?" " That's right." " Praise be to the Lord." "You're his elder relative, are you?" " Yes." "So Prof. Tripathi proposes that I prove my intellectualism by marrying off my sister with someone from the caretakers!" "I don't understand what you mean to say." "But he's not a caretaker." "He's a full-fledged doctor of the weeds." "A doctor of the weeds!" "is my sister a cow..." " ...that she might need weeding?" " No." "Not the weeds in that sense." "He's a doctor of the flowers and the leaves." "One, whom you'd call a "Professor" in English." "Professors!" "They're absolutely useless creatures!" " Useless?" " They know of nothing but work!" "This marriage cannot be delayed!" "Yes, I'm Prashant Shrivastav speaking." "A trunk call from Allahabad?" " Yes, yes." "Pass it on." " A trunk call?" "Must be Parimal." "You haven't met him." "We'd been in college together." "Parimal here." "What news of Bombay?" " How's your wife?" " She's fine." "What makes you call?" " l'm engaged to get married." " Getting married!" "Fantastic!" " Who are you getting married to?" " A girl." "You must reach Allahabad with your wife by the coming Friday." "It's short notice." "Why don't you come across to Bombay after the marriage?" "Yes." "You can have a honeymoon here." " Has it disconnected?" " Damn telephones!" "There's only one way to set them right...book them as criminals!" "Just what I feared." "Misspelt." "And the fonts must be bold." "Take it to the press." "And check on the trunk call I'd booked for Bombay." "Sumi!" "Come here quickly!" "There's a trunk call from Allahabad!" "How far have you gone ahead with the marriage plan?" " Date-fixed!" "When?" " Next Friday." "Just 6 days away." "It's a bit hectic for me at this age." "is it your marriage by any chance?" "Not a chance in this lifetime." "Why don't you come over and help me?" " But why all of a sudden?" " The boy's brother lives in London." "He's here all alone." "And the next auspicious date is 2 months away." "He insists on this Friday." "So you must reach in a couple of days." " Who's on the line?" " Speak to Sulekha." " Speak to your brother-in-law." " Brother-in-law!" "That's what you call "marrying in haste"." "You've settled for a poor professor." "Seems like you've known him for long." " Strange!" "I haven't even met him." " ls that so?" "Now what's the name of my competitor?" " Pari-mal!" " Now you're being naughty!" "is he any less?" "But tell me seriously, what does he look like?" " All right, sort of..." " Weren't you telling me just now that you haven't seen him?" "Now he's "all right, sort of..."" "You can't get away with lies." "Let me tell you something." "You'll find out how it is ditching me for Parimal, after you've married." " Had a chat?" " Yes." "Sulekha's marriage is fixed." "We must leave by the day after tomorrow." "The marriage is on Friday." " This Friday?" " Yes." "But Ratna's fever doesn't seem to be subsiding." "Today the temperature seems to be higher." " Have you called the Doctor?" " Yes." "Come, let's take a look." " Anything else, sir?" " Another cup of tea for me." "You've had five cups of tea already." "If I've taken five, then I can take another, can't I?" " lt so happened that..." " Brother-in-law called." "Right?" "How do you know?" "That's the only person I get to hear of these days." ""My brother-in-law is like this;" "he's like that..."" ""...he called us up today." "I must write to him today"" ""...he said this...and I must tell him that..."" " Are you jealous of him?" " No, I'm not." "But I'm sure that I've developed an inferiority complex." "Must be some sort of a genius." "He used to be a barrister." "And now, he owns a soap factory." "He's a genius in everything!" "Even a genius in his love life!" "And he has made pots of money!" "Do you know, he could've become a Minister if he wanted to, but..." "He'd rather sell soap." "Isn't that so?" "Don't poke fun at him." " He's still handsome." " Really!" "Shall I show you his photograph?" "You carry his photograph around, do you?" "Yes, I do." "And I also need his advice all the while." "Here, take a look." "This bald chicken!" "I mean, er..." "this bald gentleman." "Then there isn't any danger." "And who's this beside him?" " She's my sister." " l see." "Must be his 3rd marriage." " The 1st!" "Why did you say 3rd?" " Goodness!" "Did he lose all that hair in one marriage!" "You're bent upon poking fun." "Your sister really looks like a daughter, standing by his side." "My sister has 2 daughters." "One is at school in Shimla." "You were late coming." "And we're wasting time here." "Now move it." " Where do you want to go?" " To meet your brother-in-law!" "is that Hari ?" "..." "Raghav speaking." "We're in a fix here." "Ratna has fallen ill." "And the doctor suspects that it might be typhoid." "What should we do now?" "It'd be quite difficult for you to come over in that case." "Should we postpone the marriage for a couple of months?" "No, no!" "Do not postpone the marriage." "If Ratna recovers, we'll try to attend." "Please explain the situation to Sulekha." "I'll call you up later." "Please send me Parimal's photograph." "Very well." "is he your brother-in-law?" "You're obsessed with the ghost of your brother-in-law!" " He isn't any ghost!" " None lesser, either." "The fellow in here is like a younger sibling." "He's a Professor in English in our college." "is that Parimal?" "Coming..." "Coming in a minute." "He's a very jovial chap..." "and very bright, too." "Welcome!" "I've been ringing your bell for so long!" "Have you been asleep?" "It's defective...doesn't ring." " The bells seem to be tolling for me." " What do you mean?" " l've got engaged to marry." " With whom ?" "Let me introduce you." "Kumar, she's the one who's marrying me." " And whom are you marrying?" " Her." "You mean to say you're marrying each other, aren't you?" "I can address you as sister-in-law, can't I?" " Yes, you may. lt's firm this time." " This time?" "What do you mean?" "Several ladies have pursued me earlier." "But I didn't quite..." "You mean to say that I've been after you!" "Now, when ever did I say anything like that?" "What I am saying is that, this once, I've gone after her." "This is the first time you've come here." "What will you have?" "Nothing." "Besides, we'll get delayed." "My brother-in-law's phoning...!" "Forget it, Kumar." "She's getting a call from her brother-in-law!" "You'll get more than a call from relatives." "But I'm not letting her go so easily." "This is the first time you've come here..." "Well, all right." "The "tanpura" is here..." "Let's have a song." "That's good." "You sing first." "And Sulekha will join us too." " She's a very accomplished singer." " Really!" "Then why don't you sing first?" " No, you first !" " No, no!" "You first!" " You first!" " Do we pick firsts, or do we sing?" "Well then, why don't you sing a song first?" "Very well then." "I'll sing a song." "So you can sing too, can you?" "Doctoring weeds...and singing?" "!" "Did you hear, Kumar?" "That's faith and respect for the husband-to-be!" "Let me enlighten her." "We even won the first prize in college when we sang together." " lsn't that so?" "..." "One minute." " Take two." "And, why haven't you told me that you sing?" "You should know your husband's plus points gradually, Sulekha." "And love blossoms gradually." "Now tell me, how do you like this friend of mine?" "A nice fellow." "is he married yet?" "Watch it lady!" "What are you up to?" "Are you thinking of replacing me?" "Shame on you!" "He's addressing me as a Bhabhi (sister-in-law) and you!" "... I was thinking of Rupa." "She's studying in Shimla." "She's my brother-in-law's elder daughter." " No!" "Never!" " Why not?" "First, because she's your brother-in-law's daughter!" "Secondly, I have a friend, Prashant, living in Bombay." "When he came here recently, Prashant developed a friendship with him." "He has a sister (marriageable) and Kumar likes Prashant very much." "Now tell me, don't we look like twins?" "Come on, let's show her what a doctor of the weeds..." "No!" "Not weeds!" "Leaves and flowers at least!" " Well..." " Alright." "Get along with the song." "It isn't for you." "It's for the bridegroom." "Open it up." "Take a look at it." "A priceless gift!" "Caretaker!" "Don't you ask for a tip!" "l've taken the tip already." "I think it's indigestion due to overeating." "We've had 30 lunches and 30 dinners in 20 days." "25 breakfasts and 15 tea parties..." "none less." "Why, are you afraid that you won't get to eat any more?" "Not me...my friends were afraid that I might not marry again." "The problem is that his friends have all their love for us stowed up in the stomach, not in their hearts." "Drop 2 meals and have these medicines." "No, I can't eat anything, much less medicines. I'd sooner eat a bullet." "You needn't eat them." "Just swallow them with water." "What are we going to do about the invitation tonight?" "He's an old friend of mine and he'll mind it if we don't attend." "Your friends are inconsiderate." "In 20 days of marriage, never have we had time for ourselves." " Just tonight, please." " Never !" "I swear this by you!" "..." "That for at least a month I won't accompany you to any party." "Why don't we settle for dinner tonight and swearing tomorrow?" "Never!" "Never!" "Never !" "It isn't even a month of marriage, and you're already making faces!" " Have you had a quarrel?" " No, nothing that serious." "Now let me set the mood right." "I've brought an invitation for the two of you." " Why?" "What's wrong with that?" " Please don't speak of anymore invitations." "The mere mention is enough to give us indigestion." "That's what we were fighting over." " Raghav has invited you to Bombay." " Brother-in-law!" "Yes." "Now listen to what he has written." "My Revered Brother-in-law, Haripad, lt is my heartfelt wish that you have the couple en route for Bombay at the earliest." "Apart from the healthful aspects of a change of climate, the sojourn will help the newly-married ...in the blossoming of intimacy into a budding relationship for stronger ties." "Was that the brother-in-law or was it the All India Radio ?" "Now that's a fetish with Raghav." "insists on using a perfect language." "It's just that we should do." "At least we'll be able to avoid those parties." "No." "This invitation is not acceptable." " Why?" " Your sister has sworn it on me not to accept any invitations." " But I didn't swear it about..." " an invitation from brother-in-law." " An invitation is an invitation." "You've sworn it by me. I can't bear it to see my wife widowed!" "Enough of jokes." "Now please make arrangements for the trip to Bombay." "No. lt simply isn't possible for us to go to Bombay." "I'll leave you to sort out your problem." " l've landed in a grave problem." " What ?" "Your brother-in-law has put me in a fix." " He wants a driver from Allahabad." " Why?" "Why one from Allahabad?" "Because you can't get a driver spea- king the pristine language in Bombay." "How will I find such a driver these days, even in Allahabad?" "I can, surely find for thy sake, such a chauffeur of vehicles." "Er..what?" "What did you say you'd find for me?" "A chauffeur of vehicles..." "meaning thereby...a driver." "Oh, I see." "You'd rather say it simply." "I'd be obliged if you can provide such a person." "Now, who's he?" "I am, at thy service, Sire." "This way, you'd be able to solve your problem and mine, too." "She'd be able to wriggle out of her oath, and we'd meet my co-brother." "After all, a job is no invitation." "I couldn't quite get to understand." "I'll explain. I'll depart for Bombay tomorrow, with a letter from you." " Masquerading as a driver!" " Yes. ln the first act, I go over." "In the second act, say about a week later, you can come down too." " You'll get caught in a second!" " Did you recognize the caretaker?" "Might've been so with me." "But my brother-in-law...he can tell who you are, he'll smell you out." "Besides, he has seen your photographs, too." "I'll bet, he still won't be able to recognize me ln the last 20 days after my marriage I've heard of this genius, ...of a brother-in-law for at least 20,000 times." "An incarnation of God, it'd seem." "And she's deeply influenced by him." "Please allow me this opportunity so I may carve my place in her heart." "I must prove that I measure no less than her brother-in-law." "You're bound to get caught and then you'd notch an even lesser esteem." "Please grant me this one chance." "Just let me have a few strong letters of introduction and inform that genius." "I mean, her brother-in-law, that a thoroughbred driver has been sent." "Sulekha will reach in another day or two." "The husband Parimal, that boorish doctor of the weeds, is away in Patna." "Hurry up then. I'll pick up the letter this evening." "Not a bad idea." "But you'd better give it another thought." "See you, Sulekha." "Watch the fun now." "Not even a month of marriage..." "and you're leaving me behind." "Think of meeting again, after a spell of separation." "Big deal!" "In any case, you'll live in the garage and I, in the bungalow above, even if you don't get caught." "I can always come to you..." "or you can come down to me." "No thank you." "Decent girls don't meet drivers on the sly." "The fun of love lies in secrecy, my dear." "But you shouldn't be worried." "That will never happen." "You'll be caught before anything of the sort happens." "You've only just heard of him." "You'll know my brother-in-law, when you meet him." "The brother-in-law again!" "What's up?" "Why are you laughing at yourself?" "Here you are." "Your brother-in-law's photograph." "Has a good sense of humor." "This isn't the doing of a doctor of Botany. lt's Sulekha's handiwork." " When is Sulekha coming?" " ln another 6 or 7 days." "But Parimal is expected a couple of days after she arrives." "He has gone to Patna for a lecture or something." "Your brother will inform us of the expected date." "So, my daughter is going to school!" "Has the school bus arrived?" "I hope you have no temperature." "Let me take a look" " No, there isn't." "I don't want to send Ratna to school by bus." "A school-bus overturned." "It was on the news." "James drives worse." "Forget driving, he'll even spoil her language." "He speaks a pitten language." "Why don't you get another chauffeur?" "As it is, we need 2 chauffeurs." "I've been making enquiry's." "And your brother is also sending a chauffeur." "It's a call from Allahabad." "You've live long!" "We were talking about you!" " What about the driver!" " He's on his way to Bombay." " He's a bit of an eccentric." " An eccentric!" "He was quite unwilling to go over." "I've convinced him somehow." "What was that about his being "eccentric" ?" "Don't worry." "He's just what you've asked for." "Very well-versed in Urdu and Hindi." "And, the ones of this kind are a bit eccentric." "Just as you, yourself are." "Show him in." " He seems to have arrived." " Whatever he might seem to be outwardly, he's a fine fellow." "I'll vouch for him." "The rest of our program stands." "Convey my regards to everyone." "Bye..." "Your brother has given you love;" "Sulekha is arriving as scheduled." "Where are you going?" "This fellow has come from Allahabad." "Let's meet him." " Can I come in, Sahib?" " Come in, come in." " Greetings, Sahib." " God bless you." " This is my..." " l know, Sahib." " What do you know?" " She's your elder daughter, Ms. Rupa." "Oh no!" "Not my daughter!" "She's my wife." "I beg your pardon." "Oh, I remember your daughter is in school at Shimla." "Isn't that so?" "I beg your pardon." "Greetings to you, too." "Your name..." "I forget..." "Are you married?" "Or single?" "Well, as of now, I'm singular." "I hope the journey was pleasant." "Have you eaten anything as yet?" "I have partaken of a meal at the station of the locomotive train." "I have traveled by the chariot of fire (steam engine-pulled train)." "I see!" "You've come here by train!" "Yes." "That's what it is called in English." "But I don't think it's desirable to mix languages." "What's there to laugh about?" "What nonsense!" "No, not "what nonsense"." "You should rather say..." ""KYA BAKWAS hai"" "It's not desirable to use English words while speaking in Hindi." " Do you know English?" " l do not like the language, Sahib." " Why so?" " A very unscientific language." "CUT is pronounced 'cut'." "PUT is pronounced as in 'foot'." "TO is too;" "DO is doo." "GO is go as in foe." "Tell me, ma'am." "Why is GO not GOO?" "(GOO in Hindi means shit!" ")" "(ln Hindi) D AD A is daadaa;" "KAKA is kaakaa and.." "BABA is certainly not bibi !" "(Bibi in Hindi means wife)" " But that is the way of English." " What sort of a "way" is this?" "But I'm not really educated in English. I'll learn it now from you." "I'll buy a book right today!" "I must use my proximity to a learned man." " Don't you think so, Madam?" " Well, well." "Now I've 2 cars..." " A Fiat and a Mercedes." " How do you know?" "I took a look before coming in, Sahib." "I mean - BAHUT (Very ) ACHHE (Good)." "The Mercedes was constructed in 1969; and the Fiat in 1973." " By construction he means "model"." " l know, I know." "My driver is James." "Take the keys from him and bring the car out." "The fiat." "After dropping the Sahib at his office I want to go shopping, Pyaremohan" " Very well." "Why must you address me in the full form of my name?" "I'd rather, you called me PYARE (meaning:" "loved-one)." "Mr. Haripad addresses me likewise." " Alright." "You may go now." " As you command, sir." "The fellow looks more like a film actor, than a driver." " Talks a lot of nonsense, though." " Haripad warned me about it." "But he also said that he's really a very good person." "I'm afraid of one thing." "He has just about threatened me that he's buying a book to learn English from me." "But how am I to explain why "go" is not "goo" ?" "!" " He does speak a very pure Hindi." " Without doubt!" "Come, let's take a look." "Sire!" "Greetings." " Your good name?" " What do you mean?" "And I'm called Pyaremohan Allahabadi." "I'm the new automobile driver." " What?" " l'm the new driver." " Please let me have the keys." " The car won't run." " Why won't it?" " There's a differential problem." " l hope the rear is alright." " Yes, it is." "Then I'll drive it out of the rear." "Now please give me the keys." "Out of the rear!" "What's happening?" "The engine seems to have gone kaput!" "The car won't run." "I would like to examine the car, if you permit me, sir." "Yes." "Go ahead." "One says "kaput", the other wants an "examination" !" "Wonder if they're talking of the same car!" "Living in Bombay has spoilt your language." "Not "spoilt" sir, the word is "corrupted"." "The oil filter is secure." "The problem is solved." "Saved us a 100 bucks we'd have spent had the car gone to a mechanic." "While on your way, drop in once at Shrivastav's residence." "Which Shrivastav?" "Prashant, the fellow into imports and exports." "I have a parcel to be delivered to him." "Sahib!" "..." "May I proceed for the ablution of my hand?" " He's gone to wash his hands." " l know!" "Wouldn't I, after so many years with you?" "Now come in and change." "Come and change now." "You'd said that the car won't run." "But he's repaired it." " Looks like a capable one." " Wait till he gets into an accident." "I would like to meet Mr. Prashant." "The barrister saheb has sent me." " That's the cabin." "Go ahead." " Thank you, lady." " May I enter, Sahib?" " Come in." "Salaam, Sahib!" " How is Mr. Raghav keeping?" " He is fine." " Are you a new recruit?" " Yes, Sahib." " What's this!" "The tea..." " lt was getting cold. I had it, sir." " Put it down!" " Sahib!" "I've already sipped from it!" "lll-mannered lout!" " l'll call your employer just now!" " No!" "Please sahib!" "I lay my hat at your feet!" "Please don't complain!" "I'll lose the job!" "It's you!" "Rascal!" "Well?" "All suited and booted..." "can't you even look at me?" " What's all this about?" " Quiet!" " l hope we won't be intruded upon." " Who can do that?" "Lower your volume!" "Come here." "Here's a change of clothes." "I got saved by the skin of my neck." "James had nearly crashed the car." "You should've asked him to drive slowly." "Pyare is a good driver." "He doesn't even step on the brakes." " Have him drive you from tomorrow." " Where has he gone?" "He has gone to buy an English language book." "Goodness!" "He comes from your part of the country." "You'd rather teach him." "Pyare regards you as a scholar." "Not me." "Don't call him Pyare (lover), okay?" "Looks like time's up for me." " May I enter, Sahib?" " Come in." " l'm undone." "Oh misery!" " What has happened?" "I have spent 4 full rupees to buy this book!" "With the intention that I'd learn the language with your help." "But this language is so deceptive!" "NO is pronounced "No"." "So also is KNO W pronounced." "Uncles all of them, irrespective of whether they're paternal or maternal!" "This is unjust, Sahib." "And then again irrespective of whether one is addressing an elder or younger person ...the word is invariably "you"." "There is no concept of respect." " Pyaremohan!" " Yes, Sahib." "I've just returned from the office." "I'm very tired." " l'm getting a headache." "May I rest?" " Surely, Sahib." "You should rest." "There is a small question, however undeserving." " Pneumonia is spent with a 'P'." " Yes." " Pthysis is also spelt with a 'P'." " Yes." " Why are the P's not pronounced?" " l want to rest!" "Please!" "Please take your rest." "The explanation can come later." "How should I know why Pneumonia and Pthysis are spelt with P's?" "I didn't create the language, did I?" "No!" "I'd prefer the other driver;" "what's that fellow called?" " James." " Yes, he'll do." "Not this fellow." "He'll drive me mad." "At the most, James will only crash the car!" " Saheb..." " What is it?" "You were tired yesterday. I didn't bother you." "But explain it today." " Explain what?" " NO is pronounced as KNO W." "Why isn't the 'K' pronounced, saheb?" " Look Pyaremohan, perhaps, later..." " A telegram, sir." "Saved me." "Bring it." "Bring it quickly." "Sulekha is arriving by the 1 1 'O Clock train today." "Miss Sulekha!" "It'll be fun!" " What's the fun in it?" " l like Ms Sulekha very much." "And she likes me a lot too." " How do you know her?" " My uncle drives for her brother." "I've been with her all through her wedding." "Right from the engagement to the first nuptial night, I've done everything for her." "I am indispensable for her." "But I'll certainly say that not all is well with the marriage." " What do you mean?" " Not a good match." "He won't stand comparison with you." "It's a total mismatch." "What are you saying?" "Dr Parimal Tripathi, after all..." "Yes. I've heard that he's some doctor the weeds." " Well, what does he look like?" " He's coming today." "Why don't you take a look for yourself?" "He isn't coming today." "He's coming a few days later." "Well, take a look at him later." "But I'll tell you something, sahib." "It'd be a well nigh impossible to find as good a groom as yourself." "You're great. I haven't adequate words to praise you." "But you mustn't say all this in Sulekha's presence." "Never, sahib, never." "Your co-brother is as good as mine." " Now get the car out." " Ms Sulekha's coming!" "I can't believe my ears!" "I can't !" "I'll never forgive brother-in-law for not coming to receive me." "Greetings, Ms Sulekha." "My greetings, madam." "Oh!" "Mr. Pyaremohan!" "When did you come here?" "A couple of days ago." "So, how do you find my brother-in-law?" "He isn't really what I had heard about him." " Meaning?" " l'd heard he's strict and would haul me up for "mistakes"." "But I don't think he's up to catching me." "Quite a simple-hearted and sympathetic gentleman." " How are you liking Bombay?" " l haven't been liking it." "How could I like it, being so far away from people like you?" "Now that you're here, I think that I might get to like this place." "What about that doctor of weeds?" "Hasn't he come?" "Enough!" "Now move it, Pyaremohan." "You're a chatterbox." "I beg your pardon, Ma'am but when the heart is full of joy, I tend to chatter." " lsn't that so?" " So that is!" "There you are..." "Please get in." "Welcome, sister-in-law." "Oh!" "You've changed a lot since marriage!" " l won't speak to you." " Why?" " Why didn't you come to the station?" " Come in, I'll tell you." " Ms Sulekha...how is my wife?" " She's fine, Pyaremohan." "Does she think of me?" " Maran ("Death" in Hindi) ?" " lt's "Smaran" ("Remember")!" "In Hindi, we'd ask if one thinks (smaran) of something or someone." "Does she miss me?" " She thinks a lot about you." " l think about her often too." "Often!" " Where did your wife spring from?" " From Allahabad, Sire." "I'm not asking for the city." "How did she happen to be when you are a bachelor!" "What could I do?" "I'm here in Bombay." "And she is in Allahabad." "I used to pacify myself pretending I'm a bachelor." "Now that Ms Sulekha is here, I remember again, that I am married!" "Here is someone come from home." "...My wife's home!" " Come along." " Sahib!" "What of the "pthysis" ?" " Pthysis!" "Who's ill?" " l am!" "I've got Pneumonia too!" "She's just come." "Must you use these inauspicious words now?" "I mustn't." "Not on such an auspicious occasion. I beg your pardon, Sahib." "How's Parimal as a person?" "Come on, tell me." " He's okay." " What do you mean, "Okay" ?" " Okay means okay." " Now don't hide anything from me." " ls something the matter between..." " Not at all." "No. lt's just that he's a bit serious." "He doesn't like jokes or a light banter." " What's the matter?" " Sahib ordered that I take the car to a thoroughfare near the highest seat of judgement." "He awaits me from half-past three." " Now, where would that be?" " The High Court!" "He'll be awaiting on a road near the High Court. is that it, Pyaremohan?" " Correct." " Well then, go on." " What is the matter now?" " l have a sister-in-law too, Ma'am." " So what?" " A brother-in-law would be pleased..." "...if a sister-in-law picks him up." " Pyare is right!" "Wait, I'll come." " At least put your shoes on." " l won't get out of the car." " ln here." " Not now." "Everyone's looking." "Well, your brother-in-law is a smart one, is he?" " l accept defeat." " Now listen;" "He'll be standing out there." "We'll go past him." "Pretend not to notice." " Must we?" " Sit inside and snuggle up to me." " Why the taxi?" " What else could I do?" " But Sulekha went to pick you up." " Did she go to pick me up or has she gone on a joy-ride with Pyaremohan?" "I don't understand." "Have you missed the car?" "I saw the car...with Pyaremohan and Sulekha sitting in it necking away in a lovers' embrace!" "What are you saying!" "Sulekha was sitting on the backseat." " l saw it with my own eyes." " So did I." "Not borrowed ones!" "We were slightly delayed." "By then, brother-in-law had left." "What's the matter?" " Were you up front with Pyare?" " Yes." "But who's told you that?" "Whoever it may be!" "Were you sitting with Pyare?" "What could I do?" "He kept turning back to talk with me." ""How's my wife?" "Does she think of me?"" "I was afraid we'd have an accident." "So I sat up front." "How come you returned to the backseat?" "Pyare told me that since we were nearing the house I'd rather take the back seat." "This chap Pyaremohan isn't exactly a virtuous fellow." "A look at him is enough to infuriate your brother-in-law." "Unbelievable!" "I'd never imagine that the act would go on for so long." "You've explained the plan to Kumar, haven't you?" "Don't worry about that." "I'll convince Kumar." "The only thing I feel bad about is while poking fun at a language." "And that's just what I'm doing with my own mother-tongue." "You're not poking fun at a language." "You're merely making fun of someone." "The majesty of a language can never be ridiculed." "I must hang up now." "Or they might suspect me." "When are you going to switch off the lights?" "I'm feeling sleepy." " What ?" " Sleepy!" "I'm sleepy." "And I'm feeling..." "like writing poetry." " Poetry?" " Yes." " l can't find the rhymes sometimes." " What can't you find?" " Rhymes, don't you know?" " No." "Let me tell you." "Like "steering" and "bearing"" "Like "accelerator" and "carburetor"." "Let's hear one of your etceteras." "D'you want to listen?" "Hear!" "Wait a minute..." ""A rose will bloom in the gardens today..."" "Great!" "Wonderful!" ""A rose will bloom in the gardens today..."" "".." "Give me O bartender..." You understand, don't you?" "I do." "Please go ahead." ""Give me O friend..." "Give me a drink of..."" " "Give me a drink of..."" " What's wrong?" "This is where l'm stuck!" "I can't find the rhyme." "It's fine indeed." ""Give me a drink of wine"" "No, the poet Ghalib wrote that." "I'll have something else to drink." "Go ahead and recite the couplet again." "Go on." ""A rose shall bloom in the gardens today..."" ""Give me O friend, give me a drink of..."" " "A glass of shit"" " Great!" "Splendid!" "Shit ?" "!" "What will you do with roses then?" "It acts as manure for the roses!" "is that poetry or a home-remedy you're suggesting!" " Okay, then." "Let me think." " Yes." "Go ahead and think." "You go ahead and sleep." "I can't think with the lights on." " Go on and sleep now." " Okay." "But you must think properly." "Don't think of the wrong things in the darkness!" "Oh no, I'll think straight." "Go to sleep." " Hey, listen!" " What is it?" "Once you've finished with thinking, switch on the lights." "After that, you can go to sleep, and I can sit up and think." " We'll take turns at thinking!" " Why not?" "!" "We will think, okay..." "Go to sleep!" "The audacity of a driver!" "How dare you enter my quarter at this hour of the night?" "I beg your pardon." "But I couldn't stand James " Bond" snoring away by my side." "So, I decided to spend the night with you close to you." "Forget not who you are, Pyaremohan." "Stop fooling around, Sulekha." "You don't know how hard it has been for me." " l'd rather call you Pyaremohan." " Why?" "Pyaremohan sounds better than Parimal." "So she likes a driver more than a professor?" " Why?" "Are drivers not human beings?" " Oh yes, they are." "But when a driver can get his hands on his wife after 7 days he doesn't stand talking like this." " What does he do then?" " Shall I show you?" "Lata, this is my sister Sulekha." "She has just been married to the famous professor Parimal Tripathi." "He's a close friend of my husband." "But we couldn't attend the wedding." " Do you know him?" " No, I haven't met him yet." "This is my sister, Vasudha." "She's Dr. Parimal Tripathi's wife." "We read books written by him." "You could chat with Vasudha, while we meet Mrs. Bakshi." "And we must also visit the War Widows' Association." " Let's not take the car along then." " l'll drop you on the way back." "Come home, after you've been with Sulekha for some time." " When is Dr. Tripathi expected?" " ln a few days." " He'll teach me botany, won't he?" " Why not?" "He certainly will." " l must leave now, Vasudha." " But how can that be?" "I think I'll take a look around town." "But I'll drop in someday..." "we'll have a chat then." " Drive to the Aarey Milk Colony." " Where is that, ma'am?" "Start the car..." "I'll tell you." " Why have you stopped the car here?" " l haven't. lt stopped on its own." " Why?" "is the engine overheated?" " No, it's cooled down." "Let it heat up while we cool off a bit." "Let's take a breath of fresh air." "What would you like to have, little Ratna?" "Ratna wants to have an ice-cream." "We'll get you an ice-cream." "I want to come too." "No, don't." "The car might be stolen." "That's right." "Take care of the car." "I'll take care of your aunt." "And your aunt will take care of your ice-cream." "Isn't that right?" "Come on..." "We should do something, so that Ratna goes home and tells them about it." " What do you mean?" " Let's sing a song, holding hands." "Aren't you ashamed?" "And you're supposed to be a professor!" "Just now, I'm merely a driver." "No." "Something seems to be wrong." "Sulekha comes here alone, and Pyaremohan is overjoyed." "They crowd over each other in the car and now they hold hands and sing songs." "I don't like any of this." "What do you mean?" "On the first day, when I asked her about Parimal, she was hesitant." "And when I asked her, she didn't reply properly either." "And it seems that Parimal may not be as good-looking." "Girls, these days, fall for looks, not for virtues." "What!" "Are you saying that Sulekha and the driver ...!" "Exactly!" "I think, the two of them were thick before her marriage." "I know it doesn't sound too nice." "But I have a nose for these things." "You'd rather eat than smell this cake." " l've just baked it." " lt's very tasty." "Can I give a piece to Pyaremohan?" " To whom?" " Pyaremohan." "He loves cakes." "He was complaining yesterday that he can't get good cakes here." "So you've baked the cake especially for him!" "Why!" "Don't you like it?" "No." "There's no need of giving him anything." "Why?" "What happened?" "Why don't you tell me what has happened?" "Ratna told us that you were singing a song with Pyare." "Yes." "So what?" "Pyare sings well." "You must listen to him sing." "I don't want to listen to anything." "What a shame!" "With a driver!" " Are drivers not human-beings?" " They maybe." "But your husband..." "You don't know my husband." "I do." "Besides, even if I have sung with Pyare, no one has a right to object." "Well, all right." "We can give him the cake later." " Why don't you give him a piece?" " No!" "I'll get pthysis or pneumonia!" " Does he ask you too?" " What else?" "I'll fix him with Parimal once he comes." "Pyaremohan wasn't like this back in Allahabad." "He'd never chatter away." "It's started after he's come here." "So the earthworm of Allahabad thinks he's become a snake in Bombay." "Let Parimal come. I'll make an earthworm out of him yet." " Who's it?" " lt's me, Sahib." " Come in." " Mr.  Mrs. Shrivastav P.K. are here." " The fair, short fellow?" " Yes, ma'am." "Goodness, when did he take to drink?" "(P.K. in Hindi means drunk)." " Who told you that he's drunk?" " He himself told me so." "What exactly did he say?" "Did he say that "l've arrived drunk"?" "He asked me to tell you that P.K. Shrivastav has come." "There's P.K. for you." "Prashant Kumar!" "Now the question is whether you shall descend; or must they ascend?" "For God's sake please!" "How can you stand the pristine purity of the language?" " He's from your part of the country." " lt's you who insisted on purity." "Purity of language, yes." "But I never bargained for a madman." " Greetings..." " Welcome, Prashant!" "You had to wait downstairs for long." "You must be Parimal's wife, Sulekha!" "Greetings!" "I'm Prashant." "And you must be acquainted with my wife." "Come sit." "And have a cake Sulekha has baked." "I'll eat the cake and have a song too, Sulekha." "Parimal has already told me that you sing well." "No, not today..." "Perhaps some other day." "Don't act pricey, sis-in-law..." "Sing a song for us!" "Go on, Sulekha..." "Sit down, Lata." " Which song do I sing?" " Anything you feel like." " What do you think, Prashant?" " She's very good." " Who's there?" " lt's me, Sir." "Pyaremohan." "What are you doing standing over there?" "I've just come and I'm standing here." "Come on in." "Come over here!" "Why did you say "Coming" twice?" "When you used "Standing" twice, I liked it very much!" "So I too used the word twice to enjoy the pleasure of the rhyme." "Which means that you henceforth speak only in rhymes!" " lf you permit me, sir." " Not at all!" " You're mad, Pyaremohan." " No, sir. I'm not mad anymore." "What do you mean "not anymore"?" "Were you mad earlier?" "People used to joke about it." "But I don't think I was ever mad." "How long back was this?" "Go on...tell me?" " l'm ashamed to speak of it." " Drop the act and tell me!" "It was before my marriage." "But after I've been married, no one says that I've shown any signs of madness." "They're wrong." "You show all the signs of madness." " What signs?" " First of all, you talk too much." "That is a fault with me." "But the moon is flawed too." " Any other signs?" " You speak too refined a tongue." "I do, to please you." "It's madness to think that such madness will please me." "Understand?" "I've got into trouble by listening to you." "You told me this afternoon that the Sahib is pleased with my language." "Whenever did I tell you anything?" "This is the first time I've seen you." "Not you, Mrs. Shrivastav." "I'm speaking to Ms Sulekha." "But why are you looking at me?" "Not you, Madam. I'm looking at Mrs. Srivastav." "Oh, I know what irks these people Mr. Srivastav." "It's just that I have a squint." " A bit towards the right." " Towards the right!" " Can you see me?" " No, sir. I can only see your ear." " And now?" " Yes, I see you clearly." "Till yesterday you were fine." "How have you gone squint all of a sudden?" "I've never looked you in the eye." "You're my employer." "I cannot stare into your face." "Whenever you'd thought I was looking at you I'd actually been eyeing someone else." " l'm taking a squint look at you." " l don't know for sure if you're squint or straight." "But I'm sure that you're a complicated one." "Today you're squint." "Tomorrow you could turn lame or start stuttering." "I'm speaking normally." "How could I start stuttering all of a sudden?" "If you could turn squint, you could stammer too." "I beg your pardon, but there is a limit to everything." "There aren't any limits as far as you are concerned." "Get out!" "You're insulting me because I'm a poor man!" "Mr. Haripad treats me like a family member." "Why, Ms Sulekha!" "You must've seen how much he loves me." "Had I known that I'd be denied that love and respect, I wouldn't have come here at all." "Where did you get this comedian from?" "My brother-in-law has sent him with a cart-load of references." "Which is why I can't throw him out." "Neither can I bear with him anymore." "What a strange fix I'm in!" "What can I do with such a madman!" "Have you come?" "I've been waiting for you so long." "Come and sit here." "Now don't tease me." "Where are you?" "Why you have come barefoot?" "Why are you hiding?" "You haven't even shut the door!" " What's the matter?" " Over there." " Who are you?" " A thief!" "Thief!" "Come out!" " Why have you come here?" " To steal." " How did you come here?" " l climbed up the water pipes." " Weren't you scared?" " Oh no!" "It's an everyday matter." " l'm used to it." " Let's wake up the household..." " ...and hand him over to the police." " No, if we call the police... your brother-in-law will get to know." "I'd have to go back to the garage." "No." "You'd rather stay here." "I'll be on my way." " But how will you go?" " l'll climb down the pipes." "No." "You could slip and fall down." "Come, I'll show you the way." "But, if you get caught, I'll kill you!" "Don't you worry, friend!" " Wish you all the luck!" " Shut up!" "Wishing me luck!" " Here, take this." " lt's yours." "Keep it." "Go on." "The door downstairs is open." "Go through it." " Friend!" " What is it?" " lt's all a matter of luck really!" " What?" "You're a bloody thief!" "I'm a bloody thief as well!" "You've got the girl waiting for you." "You're going to have fun!" "I'm the one who has to go away with my pockets empty." " Can you spare a tenner?" " Rascal!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" " Let me go, or I'll start shouting!" " Quiet!" "Stop shouting!" "Well, all right." "Please get out of here!" "Please!" " What's the significance of the 'P'?" " lf there's anyone in this household" " ...whose name starts with a 'P'..." " lt's..." "Pyaremohan." "Do you understand it now?" "No, I don't." "So what if it belongs to him?" "Do you know where l picked it up from?" "It was lying right outside your sister's room." " And how did it reach there?" " l don't know." "But I did see Pyaremohan tiptoeing out of there." " My God!" " We are doomed!" "What are we to do?" "It's going to be a scandal." "And Parimal is going to be here in a few days." "You must find a way out of this." " Have you called me Sahib?" " Yes." "Come in." "How did this come here?" "Where did you find it?" "Don't ask me questions." "Just answer mine." " What questions?" " Get rid of your toothbrush first." "You've confessed that this handkerchief is yours." "Now tell me how it has reached the verandah upstairs." "There!" "This luckless piece had to fall there, of all places!" "What have you been doing in the verandah?" "I had just passed over the verandah." " And where had you been?" " To that room in front of which this bloody kerchief was found!" "So you had been to Sulekha's room, have you?" " What business have you there?" " Please don't ask!" "I can't tell you!" "Oh yes, you will." "You certainly will. I'll call the police." "Please don't." "There'd be a scandal." "Then tell me clearly..." "What you were doing there!" "Very well." "Ever after I got married, I can't spend nights alone." "I miss my wife." "Just think of it." "You're newly married and have to spend the nights hearing James snore!" "When I couldn't bear it anymore, I went to Ms Sulekha to consult her on whether I must resign the job." "And you had gone there at 12 in the night to ask this question!" "Not twelve." "It was a quarter to twelve." "At 1 1 .30, James started snoring." "I bore with him for 15 minutes." " After that, I couldn't stand it." " You are fined 5 rupees for..." " ...for your indignant behavior." " Very well." "You are the boss." "Here." "Take this and give me a receipt." "Keep it. lt'll be deducted from your salary." "I want my salary in full. lt doesn't matter if I am fined 10 times." "Stop talking gibberish." "And get out of here." " Very well. I'll have it mailed." " Get out of here!" "What's the matter?" "Brother-in-law is very agitated...and so are you!" "is it because Pyare had come to my room last night?" "Aren't you ashamed?" "Why did he go to your room?" "That's what brother-in-law is asking Pyare." "Why don't you ask him?" " l'm asking you." " l won't tell you." " Why won't you?" " What's going on?" "Good of you to have come." "Will you tell sister what transpired last night?" "You know of it from Pyaremohan." "She's dying to hear of it." "If Pyare disturbed you last night, you should've informed us this morning." "I could ask you the same." "Shouldn't you have spoken to me once, before interrogating Pyaremohan?" "I didn't ask you because...it wouldn't have been decent of me." "And I didn't tell you because it was insignificant." "insignificant!" "A servant steals into your room at night!" "insignificant!" "He may have come stealthily, but not to steal!" "It might be foolish on his part, not dishonorable." "You're making mountains out of molehills." "Mountains indeed!" "Nevertheless, we don't like all this." " What if Parimal gets to know...?" " He has seen me and Pyaremohan." " He has seen us sing together." " Do as you wish when Parimal's here." "But till he arrives, I won't permit this." " What a scandal!" "Sulekha!" " What's wrong with her?" ""Dear sister, I would be far away by the time you receive this letter"" ""There's no particular reason why I've left. lt's just that I felt like"" ""l'll be back in a few days." "Yours with love." "Sulekha"" ""P.S.:" "I wish there had not been this furore over Pyaremohan"" "What a shame!" "How could she do this?" "Do something fast!" "God knows where she has gone!" "Have patience." "Let me see." " Come in." " There was a letter in the mailbox." " Who's the letter from?" " From Pyaremohan." ""Respected Sahib, please accept my greetings"" ""l was touched when I saw Ms Sulekha leaving the house this morning"" ""l asked for her reason, but she would not speak of it"" ""Nor did she tell me of her desti- nation." "So I chose to go along too"" ""lt's not safe for her to travel alone these days"" ""At the end of her journey, I will meet you with news of her"" ""Good-bye till then"" ""Please deduct 5 rupees from my last salary..."" ""...which I will collect on returning"" ""Please pray to God for our safe passage"" ""Yours humbly, Pyaremohan Allahabadi"" "Thank God she's not alone. I hope she does not fall in danger." "The "danger" is travelling with her!" "She needn't fall into it anymore!" "What'll we do if she doesn't return by the time Parimal arrives?" "Come, let's go to the station and take a look." " A telegram has come." " Show me." "Show you?" "I could read it out instead." "Show it to me!" " lt must've come from Allahabad." " lt has!" " God!" "I hope Parimal isn't coming!" " He is!" "Today!" "With Haripad!" " What are we going to tell them?" " What else can I say?" "I'll tell him straight that his wife has eloped with the driver." "Why should I be afraid?" "She hasn't eloped with me, has she!" "Stop crying!" "Let's do something!" "Let's elope too!" "And get away from here!" "The servants will tell them there's no one in!" "You'd still be sitting here, planning your escapades, when they arrive!" "There!" "They must have arrived." "I received a call last night from a friend who said that Parimal and Haripad are arriving by train at 1 1 .20 today." "Telegrams can't be trusted, you see." "So he got them to call me up." " Have you received any news?" " l have just received a telegram." "And, earlier on this morning, I received some bad news." " What?" "You're like family. I can tell you." "Besides, you're Parimal's friend." "Maybe, you can find a way out." " But what has happened?" " What had to happen has happened!" "Sulekha has gone away somewhere without informing us." "What are you saying?" "Bombay's dangerous for a lone girl." "She's not alone." "Pyaremohan is accompanying her." "That driver!" "..." "Has he left without informing too?" "Sulekha and that driver have left together!" "Without informing you!" "Trouble!" "Parimal is a very sensitive person!" " He would be deeply offended." " He's a good friend of yours." "Why don't you explain the situation to him?" " How can I explain this?" " Do what you can." "But, please keep him calm till Sulekha returns." "I'll do what I can." "Now, let's to go the station." "No, no. I won't go." "I'm quite apprehensive." " Then let the two of us go over." " l..er..well." "What am I afraid of?" "!" "Will you go dressed like this?" "You'd rather change your clothes." "I'm lucky that I'm still wearing something." "Your sister has stripped me off my prestige." " We've arrived." " Are you nervous?" "You don't seem to understand." "Parimal is a professor of botany." "While I don't know 'B' of Botany." "If someone asks me why butterflies sit on flowers, what am I going to answer?" "You're going to "your" in-laws." "Not into a classroom." "That's another problem." "How can I ever bring myself to address..." " ...my sister-in-law as my wife!" " You must be forgetting that Parimal and Sulekha aren't there." "They've eloped." " Oh yes!" " lt's only a matter of a few days." "Prashant will certainly be there." "He'll take you to his house." " Will he?" " He certainly will." "Looks like the train has arrived." "Let's go in to receive them." "No. I won't come with you." "I'm still in a quandary over what I'm going to tell them." " There!" "There they are!" " This is the end of it!" "Sorry, we're a bit late." "Hope you had a comfortable journey." " Parimal, meet Raghav." " l seek your blessings, Sir." " God bless you." " Hope everything is fine at home." " Well, just about." " Hasn't Sulekha come?" "She isn't here." "She has gone somewhere else." "Somewhere else!" "She knows well that I'm coming!" "And she goes elsewhere!" " When did she leave?" "When!" " This morning itself." " Has she gone alone?" " Er, no.." "Pyaremohan is with her." " Pyaremohan!" "What Pyaremohan?" "!" " The driver he sent from Allahabad." "Isn't he that same Pyaremohan who was there during our marriage?" "Who seemed to be intimate with Sulekha?" "That smart, fair fellow." "Isn't he the one?" "Porter!" "Take my luggage to the Waiting Room !" "I'm leaving for Patna." "Where are you off to, Parimal?" "Come back." "I don't want to go where l don't belong." "What are you saying!" "We are your in-laws." "My house is yours." " ln-laws for a widow!" " Not a widow!" "Widower!" "What am I without a wife?" "I'm not even myself!" "You can't walk away just like that!" " You'd perhaps know who I am!" " Why not?" "You're Parimal, my friend." "And I don't like to go to places where l am unwelcome." "But you can certainly come to a friend's place, can't you?" "I won't let you go away in this manner." "Come to my place." " What do you people think?" " As you feel fit." "Please don't misunderstand me." "I'm helpless." "I can understand your helplessness." "You cannot understand. I'm very.." "oh!" "So utterly helpless." " Let's go Prashant." " Come." " Let's take a cab." " Porter, stow the luggage." "What's happening, Raghav?" "It's all your doing!" "I'll tell you all about it at home." "Let's go." "You've got yourself a nice house." " Now, who am I?" " Prashant." "I'm one of your closest friends." "Stop being formal!" " Your wife has eloped with a driver." " My wife!" "Parimal's wife has!" "And you're Parimal!" "Your wife has eloped this morning." "But you seem to be in a jovial mood." "Go around with a gloomy face." "Like that!" "Now let me chat up my wife and my sister-in-law to build up a sympathetic atmosphere for you." " What do you mean?" " They'll ask me why you have chosen to stay here." "I'll tell them that the poor fellow's wife has run away!" "The ladies will express shock!" "They'll take good care of you." "Well then, be on your way, Prashant." "But don't you smile." "You should pull the long face Parimal would do." "Get the luggage from the cab!" " Why!" "Hasn't Parimal come?" " He went away to Prashant's house." "None of this would've happened had you not sent Pyaremohan." "Please find out something about Sulekha's whereabouts." " Should I go to the police?" " What would people say of it then?" "Then, let's sit quietly and see how things develop." " No, you mustn't (touch my feet)." " You're a friend of brother-in-law." " Brother-in-law!" "Who?" " Mr. Prashant is my brother-in-law." "Yes." "Prashant!" "He's a close friend of mine." "Please be seated." " And, what do you do?" " l'm studying in college." " And what is your subject of study?" " Botany." " What was it, you said?" " Botany." "You'll help me with a few lessons, won't you?" "Why not?" "Certainly!" "It's Botany, after all." "Can I have a cup of tea?" "Why, of course!" " How's it going?" " Can't I stay at some hotel?" " Why?" " Your sister-in-law is a student of botany." "I've heard it all." "Why did you have to ask her questions about her studies?" "Didn't I tell you to sit around quietly with a glum face?" "Well, now it seems that I'm destined for a lifetime of gloom." "Greetings." "Parimal, this is my wife Lata." "You're a friend of my husband." "And you're like a brother to me." "I won't have you sitting around with a gloomy face." "You don't seem to understand. lf l'm not gloomy, people take it otherwise." " lt was a problem just now." " What?" "Oh, it's nothing really." "Why don't you get a cup of tea for Parimal?" "Watch your step, Parimal." "I'll be leaving for the day." "If you need anything, just ask my wife or my sister-in-law." "No!" "Not your sister-in-law!" "I'd rather talk to your wife!" " Can you turn a fan on or something?" " Why are you getting nervous, Kumar?" " No, not nervous." "l'll return after meeting Mr. Raghav." " Can't you go later?" " Why do you worry?" " Just be careful of Vasudha." " Who's Vasudha?" " The one who came to you for botany." " The sister-in-law!" " Not yours!" "Mine!" "Sister-in-law!" " Yes, the sister-in-law!" " Tea." " That was quick." "The tea, I mean." " You'll teach me Botany, won't you?" " Certainly!" "You sing well, don't you?" "My brother-in-law must have told you that." "Don't worry. I won't bore you." "Don't you say!" "Music is a very nice thing." "You must sing a song." "I will, if you give me a few lessons in Botany." "A beautiful girl like you should've taken up Literature, not Botany." "Botany may be difficult, but it's interesting, nevertheless." "Look at literature. lt's not difficult." "And it's interesting too." "You write books on Botany and advocate the cause of literature." "What I mean to say is that the apparent truth may not be true and that which may not be apparent, may yet be true!" "I understand." "You're looking for excuses to avoid teaching me." "It's foolish of me, really." "I'm not in your league." " Why are you people looking sad?" " Should we be celebrating?" "If not celebration, you should at least get into a conversation." "Please don't worry about Parimal." "I'll see that he comes to meet you." "No, no. lf he comes here, I'll run away to your place." "Will you not play host to your brother-in-law?" "Till such time that Sulekha does not come back!" "What if Sulekha doesn't return at all?" "She'll surely return." " She may have gone away with Pyare." " Don't even mention that rascal!" " How's Pyaremohan at fault?" " Don't you take his side!" "I've yet to see a worse scoundrel!" " l shall be moving." "Yes." "Vasudha must be alone at home." "No, she isn't all alone." "She must be catching up on Botany with Parimal." "Come." "Sit down." "I'm very weak in Botany." "Please help me out, won't you?" "Certainly!" "Certainly!" "Are you weak in Botany or are you weak in other subjects too?" "It's only Botany." "Then you should have stressed on it." "By the way, what are your other subjects?" "English, for instance?" " What have you been taught?" " Julius Caesar." "I know it by heart." "Please teach me Botany." "Tell me, what are the functions of a Corolla?" "Karela (bitter-gourd) is very bitter to taste, but good for the liver." "You're making fun of it. I'm asking about the Corolla, not the Karela." "When are your exams?" "Don't worry then." "You'll pass it." "I'm not disturbing you, am I?" "I like your company. I like to speak to you too." "You're welcome to ask questions not only on Botany, but on other subjects too." " Sorry to have left you alone." " l'm not alone." "Vasudha is here." "You mustn't be formal with me." "I hope Vasudha hasn't been disturbing you." "I was teaching her Botany." "Parimal, we've to go and meet Mr. Chopra." " Well, did he teach you anything?" " He's a jolly good fellow." "I've begun to like him too." "God knows why Sulekha did such a thing." "Kumar is in a bad fix." "For you it's a matter of entertain- ment." "No one even thinks about me." "I tried to divert her to Julius Caesar." "But she held on to Corolla." "What's worse for me are these spectacles of yours." "That's the only scoring point you have, Kumar." "Now, what news of the genius brother-in-law?" "He's in a sorry state. I suggest you forgive his ingeniousness now." "No. lt's not yet time. ln a couple of days, another act between.." " ..." "Sukumar and Vasudha climaxes." " No!" "I'd rather tell her..." " ...than go on teaching Botany." " Relax." "You must have patience." " Cupid makes you wait." " For Venus." "All you have to do is buy a botany text-book burn the midnight oil over it." "Spill it out the next morning and you're the hero." "I've already studied the Corolla last night." "Oh, have you already!" "Will you tell me why is a Marigold not a flower?" "The cauliflower is not a flower." "So also a marigold isn't a flower." "You're pulling my leg." "Yesterday, the Corolla turned Karela(bittergourd)." " And now, Marigold is Cauliflower." " That's just the point." "That which is apparent isn't true!" "And how can a truth not be so?" "The lobster isn't a fish." "And a sweet made out of milk isn't milk." "Your brother-in-law has come to meet you, Parimal." " Why?" "Well, where is he?" " Sitting inside." "He's a strange one." "Will you have some breakfast?" "No thank you. I don't feel hungry." "I'll just have a cup of tea." " Greetings..." " Greetings." " Be seated... how are you?" " l'm okay." " Hasn't Haripad come along too?" " He must still be asleep." " Any letter from Sulekha yet?" " No." " Where do you think she's gone?" " She left without informing us." "How could she inform you?" "After all, she was going away with Pyaremohan." " lt's really not that serious." " And how can it not be?" "Don't you know that she knew Pyare- mohan even before our marriage?" " l didn't know. I didn't." " Well, at least you know now." "Had I known it, I'd never had married her." " Please don't say these things." " What else must I say then?" "Matters must be decided once and for all." " What sort of a decision?" " Regarding the marriage." "I'll think of it when the time comes." "Now, I'll be moving." "I'm giving Botany lessons to Vasudha." "Vasudha is a very good girl." "One in a million!" "She must be waiting for me." "Now where is he?" " What had you been so early ?" " To meet Parimal." " Which Parimal?" " There is the one and only." "Couldn't you find anyone else for the girl?" " You seem to be in a rage!" " Parimal isn't a gentleman." "Sulekha might be at fault." "But he doesn't seem to be affected." "He said something I didn't quite appreciate." " What did he say?" " He didn't express himself fully." "But I'm sharp with words." "There seems to be something brewing up there." " What are you saying!" " The truth!" "He's been teaching Vasudha... lt's been 5 days." "And not a single lesson in Botany." "Why do you threaten me with Botany?" "What's with Botany?" " lt's very simple." " No, it isn't." "It may be easy for you." "But it's very difficult for me." " What's so difficult?" " Here, take a look." "A potato is a modified stem, while a sweet potato is a modified root!" "Things apparent may not be true." " Understood?" " Not a word." "It's a deep-rooted philosophy..." "Like that modified root." "You speak of it as if you've heard of it for the first time." "He's a bit too frivolous." "I don't like it." "Why don't you like it?" "He doesn't look like one whose wife has just eloped." "And I don't like his roaming about in the garden with Vasudha." "Botany can't be taught indoors." "You must teach Botany in a garden." "He's an eminent professor." "He must be teaching her some fieldwork." "I am innocent; yet weighed down by circumstances." "You couldn't find such a character even in literature!" "I can't speak my heart to the one I desire." "And I can't have desire for the one I speak to." "You cannot understand my compulsions, Vasudha." "Sulekha might also have been forced by her circumstances." "The trouble is, your heart fills with love for Sulekha but not for me!" "Not love." "No, not even sympathy." "You have not cared for my heart." "Not my name, Vasudha." "My heart." "I'm not the right person for comments about Sulekha." "And, what if I have to speak of you?" " About me?" " Yes. I think of you day and night." "And I feel so deeply for you." "You're the only one I can tell." " How can I say that to your sister?" " Dr. Tripathi!" "I don't like you saying that." "Sulekha is like a sister to me." "She's mine, too." "Oh well, never mind!" "I don't want your help in my studies." "Go and sit outside, Chhotu." "A gentleman will be here soon." "He's so tall..." "Just let him in..." "not anybody else." " ls the act heating up?" " Steaming!" "If I may say so." "And that barrister is brewing in the pot." "His only sister-in-law has eloped with a two-penny driver!" "Two-penny, is he?" "When I had called you this morning, Kumar answered the phone and asked me to meet him here at 8'O Clock." "What's it about?" " There he is." " Welcome, Mr. Parimal." "I'm sick of this charade." " l want a final decision." " Why, what's up?" "That which should have happened isn't happening." "And that which shouldn't have happened is !" "What you don't try to understand is, sometimes that which is not implied, happens too!" "And that which is not implied, happens sometimes...!" "Er...just a minute." "Kumar..." "I think you'd rather let it lie." "Listen to me first." "I go to teach Vasudha as you!" "Not myself." "And she thinks it's you who's speaking to her." "I'm the one who says it." "But the you in me, and the me in you..." "What's this you-and-l piece all about?" "You people have messed it all up for me." " l'm Sukumar, am I not?" " Yes." " But over there I'm Parimal, right?" " Yes." "And Parimal is a married man for Vasudha, am I not?" " Not "am I" ; but "he is"." " Well, isn't he?" " Yes." " When I speak my heart out she thinks it's the married fool, Parimal!" "I mean, she thinks it's Parimal, a married man speaking." "And she thinks that I'm characterless!" "She's even started hating me." "And I won't tolerate this!" "I love her...and she thinks No, I won't say anything." "So why don't you admit that you're spoiling the broth for your love!" " Am I not to speak my heart?" " No!" "You've no right to bring in matters of your heart." "You're simply an actor in this play." "You must do just what the director says." "What do you say, Parimal?" "That's true." "An actor is the director's puppet." "I'm no actor." "You people can do what acting you want." "I'll go and tell her all about this." "Yes, I'll tell her everything." "Who you are!" "Who I am!" "And you..." "I'll tell her who you are too!" "Who I am?" "!" "I'm Prashant!" "What's wrong with telling her that?" "I will, be it just for safety sake." "Don't spoil the drama in the climax, Kumar." "Listen, Kumar." "Just continue playing your part." "If not an award, you'll surely get a reward." "And when the climax unfolds, Vasudha will understand everything!" " Will she understand?" " Yes." " Do you promise that?" " Yes." " Are you sure?" " Yes." "What's the matter?" "Why are you going away?" "I have some work." "Why are you trying to avoid me?" "I'm not trying to do any such thing." "You're misunderstanding me. I came this morning to meet you." "And you're going away." "My bad-luck." "is it proper to try and seduce a girl even after one is married?" "I'm not what you take me for." " l thought you are a gentleman." " You're wrong!" "No!" "I mean, I'm a gentleman." "But... I respected you." "But you've forced me to hate you, Professor Tripathi." " You don't understand me, do you?" " l want to understand nothing!" "Till such time that Sulekha doesn't come here don't even try to speak to me!" "Listen!" "Won't you even speak to me!" "No." "Nor do I want to see your face." "The situation is deteriorating!" "I must spill the beans!" "Come." "Sit here." "Even I'm waiting for Sulekha-didi (meaning: sister)" "Are you referring to her as a sister?" "I'd rather address her as Bhabhi." "Prof. Tripathi is like an elder brother." "Yes!" "Professor Tripathi, alias Pyaremohan!" "The one who has eloped with his wife, Sulekha." " And who are you?" " l'm a professor of English Sukumar Sinha...and I don't even know the 'B' of botany!" "And I know that you're Vasudha." "And also that both of us are unmarried!" " What's all this you're saying?" " The truth!" "But don't tell anyone!" "I'd thought Prof. Tripathi would be a serious person." "But he seems to be quite a colorful one." "How did you presume that all professors are serious?" " l'm a professor, too, and I..." " No." "You're very colorful." "But I'm quite genuine!" "And I'm not acting this out." "And that's why I've told you everything." "Can I give you a flower?" " What happened?" " Nothing!" "You must study!" "What are we to do now?" "My sister would suspect us." "Let's go somewhere else." " Where were you all this time?" " At the Agricultural Farm." " What were you doing all this time?" " l was studying Botany." "It was a very lengthy lesson." "He started it this morning." "But it never seemed to end." " Whose ring is this?" " l got it in the garden." " Did you find it lying around?" " He gave it to me." " Who's "he" ?" " Your husband's friend." "Can't you even utter his name!" "(like the traditional Indian wife)." "Show me the ring." "Why is 'S' carved on it?" "It's a letter from my name, Vasudha." " lt's the "S"" " You're an ass." "It's the "S" of Sulekha, that he has given to you." "Why do you mention Sulekha?" "How am I related to Sulekha?" "She has gone away with the one who is related to her." "Now, I share a sacred relationship with Vasudha." "Give us your blessings." "Get out of my place, Mr. Parimal." "lmmediately!" "We'd be glad to leave with your blessings." "Will you get out of here, or won't you?" "Very well." "If you insist!" "You don't understand anything, do you?" "Now go to your room quietly, or else, I'll break your legs!" "Take this and write a letter quickly!" "What will the menu be like today?" " Prepare anything you wish." " Won't you name something?" "Mr. Parimal likes mashed brinjals;" "must I prepare that?" "No!" "Nobody's going to make those mashed brinjals again, okay?" "Give it to me." "Now go down the back stairs." "Sukumar is waiting for you." " What about my sister?" " Her act is being drawn up!" " What's up?" " She's gone!" "Look here!" ""l'm going to him." "We're getting married tomorrow at the temple"" ""Please come to the temple to give us your blessings"" " "Yours, Vasudha"" " Oh, God!" "This is too much. I wonder what my sister must be going through." "Neither do I like this." "Let's go and tell her all about it." "Everything will be alright by tomorrow morning." "Calm down!" "Seems you're worried about your sisters only." "Poor brother-in-law!" "Now, about the chores tomorrow." "Prashant, you must carry the news of Sukumar...er.." "Parimal..." " ...to my brother-in-law." " Not me!" "He'd beat me up." "I'll send Lata." "She'll look genuine enough." "What's more, she's been starving herself!" "Good." "Then you must attend the temple." "Parimal and Sulekha are to go to Aarey Colony." "I'll send James there on one pretext or the other." "And James will present you before Mr. Raghav." "Tomorrow morning at the Aarey Colony then... at 9, remember." "Come quickly, James is here." " Who are you looking for?" " A bloody driver.... ...who has eloped with the boss' sister-in-law." "He's a scoundrel!" " Rather a colorful one." " l'll paint him over, if I find him!" "A gentleman in disguise, eh?" "I'll teach you a lesson!" " Where are you going?" " Oh, I beg of you!" "Forgive me!" " Open your eyes at least." " l won't unless you forgive me." " Okay." "You're forgiven." " Have you?" "Thank you." "Please do something." "Please save my honor." "My mother left Vasudha in my care..." "and asked me to look after her!" "You shouldn't have given her such a long rope!" "Stop this marriage somehow." "You're a barrister." "You can find a way." "I could advise people how to get into such litigation's." "But I don't know how to stop this marriage." "As I promised you, I'm here." "We're fine." "How are you, Sahib?" "Get out!" "Get out of here!" "Please don't get excited." "It's bad for your health." " ls your stammering a new ploy?" " Only when in anger." "And I also speak Urdu with a stammer." " l'll stop your speech altogether!" " Why are you getting so serious?" " Where were you all these days?" " Let's have stories later." " Let's take her to the temple." " Why?" " Parimal is getting married." " With Vasudha." "No!" "That can't be!" "Please save my marriage!" "Please take me to him." "I beg of you!" "I swear it!" "I'm innocent!" "Let's hurry, Raghav." "Which car, Sahib?" "The Fiat or the Mercedes?" "Don't you dare touch any of my cars!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Please let him come along." "If he isn't there I won't be able to prove my innocence." "She's right;" "let's take him along." "All right." "Let's go!" "You'd rather wear it, sir." "The marriage has been solemnized." "Here they come!" "You couldn't wait for me!" "I'd gone away only for a few days." "is this your love for me?" "I knew that you'd grace this auspicious occasion." " The marriage has been solemnized." " What's to become of me?" "!" "You shouldn't cry on such auspicious occasions." "Rubbing salt to wounds, are you?" "What're you saying?" "Salt is scarce!" "I'll send you to jail on charges of bigamy." " Where are you off to, priest?" " Why?" "What have I done?" " You've married!" " l swear I haven't!" "I'm a bachelor!" "Not you!" "You've married them off." "Now you must undo the marriage." "What are you saying?" "is marriage a ghost to be exorcised?" " What do you think?" " l'll undo it, by force, too!" "The fault is really Pyaremohan's." "This rascal is responsible." "And you're letting him off!" "Not "Rascal"." "You should rather call me " Badmash" in Hindi." "I never mix Hindi with English." "Prashant is right." "You're the main culprit!" "Please spare my Pyare!" "So your sympathies are still with him, are they!" "He sympathizes with me, after all." "Step aside, Sulekha." "Take her away!" "You must die today, Pyaremohan, so that Parimal may live." "Understand?" "Now, you're at liberty to choose your form of death." "I have but one wish." "That I die at the hands of the genius brother-in-law." " Certainly." "You die at my hands!" " By way of my ear?" " By marrying Sulekha!" " What's that?" "Have you gone mad?" "This is the only way to kill Pyaremohan." "Don't you understand?" "This is the real Parimal." "And that is the fake one." "I'm Sukumar Sinha." "This is Vasudha." "We've just got married." "I see." "And did you know of it all the while?" "Had I not been standing inside a temple, I might've said yes." "But I can't lie here." " Why don't you sit down and say it?" " Shut up!" "You've fooled me enough!" "I beg your pardon." "You've borne a lot of trouble because of me." "Sulekha had praised him so much, that I had become jealous." "Didn't you have a nose for people, brother-in-law?" "I might have smelt it, but for a bad cold up my nose." "Believe me folks, the cold had fogged my brains too." "I've taken what insult I had to, at this age." "But please don't tell others that I've made an ass of myself." "Namaste (Greetings)."