" They're just breasts." "Look at them." "Take away their power." " It's starting to work." "You don't own me." " Aw!" "Hi, cutie." " Hi." "I'm married." " I was talking to your dog." " I know." "I--I didn't know, actually." "That's" "But that's good for Luke, he needed that today." " They seem to be getting along." "Do you wanna walk with us?" " Yeah." "You wanna" "You and me walking?" "Yeah." " Cool." "Come on, big boy." " I'm serious, I am-- but that was for the dog, okay." "Got me again." " Oh." " Oh, please, go ahead." " Thanks." "I owe you one." "Maybe I can take you out for a drink sometime." "Okay." "What?" "So weird." "No..." "That is weird." "What?" "I don't even know what..." "What do you mean by that?" " That is tragic." "I mean, where did all that rain forest go?" " You don't care about trees." "Just tell her you think she looks cute" "So she can get on with her life." " Would you sign this?" " Drilling for oil in Yellowstone?" "It's about time." " Shh." "That is weird." "I don't even--what?" "That is weird." "Yeah, okay, I'll go have a drink." "I don't even-- I don't even--what?" "Perfect Couples" " Season 1, Episode 4 "Perfect Jealousy"" "♪ it's all true ♪" "♪ someone's got to do it ♪" "♪ now we have the fact sense working ♪" "♪ we've got proof ♪" "♪ all we need is you ♪" "♪ ♪" " Why did we have to hop the fence?" " Because it's the quickest way to get to the third hole." " I know, but why are we starting on the third hole?" " So we can have lower scores, Dave." "And the ball washer's here, so you don't have to wait" "To do all those ball-washing jokes." "Of which you are king." " Right, I do those." "They just come to me." "Why are those people pointing at us?" " You know what, let's add a cardio component" "Super golf." "Ready, set, go." " What is he doing?" " I don't know." "But you're losing!" " Oh, you bitch!" "Hiyeee." "It's Katie Cooper from the trail." "Dave, it was nice meeting you and Luke." "Miss Gracie has a dog crush on him." "Call me if you wanna hike again." " What..." "The hell was that?" " Right." " Who is this girl?" " It's Katie Cooper from the trail." " She sounds young." "And she's pretty." " Well, how do you know that?" " Because she said, "hiyeee."" "Ugly girls don't say "hiyeee."" "They know they can't pull it off." " It's true." "I say "hiyeee."" " Hello." "Hiyeee." " Uh, hey." " So, um..." "We didn't get a chance" "To talk about your hike yesterday." "Was it fun?" " Uh, yeah." "It was" "Yeah, it was good hiking." " Well, did you-- did you meet anybody?" " Uh..." "No." "I just was out" "Oh, Luke made a little friend, though." " Oh, Luke made a friend!" "Well, oh, how nice for Luke." " And did Luke's soul mate have an owner?" "Or was it just running around wild?" " No, it has an owner." "Yeah." "Female." "I can't recall the name, but it was like..." " Hiyeee, it's Katie Cooper from the trail." " Katie Cooper." " Oh, Katie Cooper." "Oh, Katie Cooper!" " It's a fun name, isn't it?" " Katie Cooper." " No, dude, she shut it down." "I mean, I'm just walking with the girl." " What is Julia worried about?" "You'd never do anything to betray your marriage." "Especially with a hot girl." "She'd never have you." " I know." "Whoa, wait." "I get my share of looks." "I get a lot of, like, "hi, there's,"" "And the occasional "damn."" "The other day I got, like, a..." "Like a..." "I don't know what that meant," "But I think that's good." " But you wouldn't do anything," "So you gotta stand up to her." "You can't let your woman control you." " Dave?" "Hi!" "Where's Luke?" " At home." "With my wife." "I was telling you about my wife." "And I'm walking this old knucklehead." " If I don't get enough exercise," "I start chewing up the furniture." "Mind if we walk with you?" " Fine, the trail I'm on is in America." "What trail are you on, Dave?" " I am-- I am on an american trail." "I would like to hi-- let's do this." "Let's do this!" " Okay." " I am proud of you." " I'm proud of us." " Yeah." "If this comes up with Amy," "Tell her I'm hiking with my new gay friend, Antoine." " Ooh." "This place is totally dead." " I am telling you, he is having money problems, honey." "They kicked us off the course." "It was really emb-- it was awful." "Although I did break a million in super golf." " Oh, that's good." " It's actually just okay." "Oh." "Wait, is he..." " Oh." "Rex?" " Oh, hey!" "You guys here to make a purchase?" "Dave, you've finally come to terms with the fact" "Your actual wang isn't getting any bigger?" "That's right." "We acknowledge that" "Overcompensating is a big part of our business." " No, actually, we just came to check on you." "Um..." "Are you having some money problems?" " Are you kidding me?" "Julia, I have tassels on my shoes." "I'm okay." " Rex..." " Okay, I'm in a hole." "Business has been terrible," "And I'm behind on my bills." " Okay, well, what does Leigh say about this?" " Yeah." " Leigh doesn't know." "Guys, I've been in jams before." "Somehow it always works out." " Somehow?" "Sorry, coach Capriatti." "I was smoking pot too close to Rex." "That's why you smelled it on him." "I'm a weed fiend." " I don't need your help." "I just need to sell one of these cars." "Oh, and here comes a hot prospect right now." "That guy's been circling that Ferrari all week." "Rex, that's a college student." " You ever hear of the internet?" "That's what a sophisticated millionaire looks like now." " Uh, no." "I work at a college," "I see college kids all day." "You don't sell that guy a car," "You sell him your used earth sciences book." " It's Rex time." "What's up, world wide web?" " I just got off the phone with Vance." "He's hiking with Dave, their new gay friend, Antoine," "And Antoine's dog..." "Miss Gracie." " Katie Cooper." " Bingo." "She is using Dave to get to Vance," "Just like I did so many years ago." " See, this is why I have Rex" "Observe a very clear five-second rule." " So glad to bump into you again, sharon." "Take care." "One, two," "Three, four, five." "Ha." " You know, this is such a betrayal." "I would rather he go and have sex with some random girl" "Than lie to me." " A bit of an overshoot?" " Total overshoot." "But you know what, screw him!" " Yeah!" "And Vance." " Let's ride!" " Let's torch her car." " So Dave finds all of the clients," "Closes the deals, and does all of the paperwork?" "So..." "What do you do?" " Katie, why don't you wait" "Until you graduate from college" "Before you try to understand the intricacies" "Of the real estate game?" " Uh-oh." "Consequences." " Don't panic, I got this." " Okay." " Stop following us." "You already scared away our gay friend." "And you stole his dog?" " Well, well, well." "What are we gonna do about this?" " We're going to explain to you" "Why Vance and I have nothing to feel guilty about." "Vance put it best earlier, actually." "What were you sa-- is he running?" " Mm-hmm." " Okay." " So what area of the web you crushing it in?" "Social networking, app design, pornography?" "I'm not judging, bro." " I'm, uh, sort of between things right now." " Between two big piles of money, eh?" " Hey, Susie!" "Yeah, that's right." "It's Timmy Gutman in a Ferrari." "Looks like you dumped the wrong guy." "I loved you, Susie." "You suck!" " So you thinking all cash," "Or would you need some financing?" " Well, I'm just still waiting for an apology." " Why?" "This is really ridiculous." "I can't hike with a person just because she's hot?" "As far as what society says is hot." "What an-an-an objective viewer would say" "Based on magazines, and what's out there in the culture." "What do you think," "That I'm gonna have sex with someone?" " Oh, I'm quite certain" "You're not having sex with anybody." " And you will only be having it once a day." "You wouldn't dare." " Seriously?" " I can't believe you guys." "This jealousy thing is so junior high." " So you guys just never get jealous?" " No, actually." "I'm an adult." " Yeah, we're adults." " No, no, no, no, no." "Don't you jump on Dave's high horse." "You said you made a new gay friend." "Let's see, where have I heard that before?" "Oh, uh, Steven, the barista," "Ray, who took you to see wicked..." " No, Ray actually is a gay guy." "That night ended weird." " It wasn't the best production I've ever seen," "But at least I got to wear my great new boots." "Whoa, whoa, Ray." "Where is this coming from, man?" " Okay, well..." "Most of them were women, and you were flirting with them." "Deny it." " I won't deny it." "I flirt with women." "It's harmless, and it makes them happy." "And women are wonderful." "Why do you hate women?" "You're a misogynist." " Mm-hmm, mm-hmm." " So it wouldn't bother you" "If I just went and flirted with some guy?" " No, not at all." " Okay, good." "That's what I'm gonna do." "I am gonna find someone," "And I am gonna flirt them up real good." "Every second we're apart it could be happening." "It could be an old guy, it could be a young guy," "It could be some chick." " I never realized your eyes were that blue." "What?" "They've always been blue." "What're you even doing?" "What are you doing?" " All right, Timmy," "We're a couple of silverback gorillas." "We've been circling each other, beating our chests." "This car is my lady gorilla." "You gonna mount her?" " Sir, I have a confession to make." " Oh, no, don't do this." " I'm sorry." "You're a nice man." "I graduate in June." "Are you hiring?" "It's tough to find a job, you know," "The economy's in such a bad rut." " Oh, really, the economy's in a bad rut, Timmy?" "Good thing my exotic car dealership is recession-proof." "I can't believe this is happening." "I love my wife." "I don't want to tell her I'm a failure." "What am I gonna do?" " My fraternity's having a keg party." " That's it." " Amy could be out there, hitting on some guy right now." "I'm dying." " I thought you didn't get jealous." " Of course I do." "The only reason I get through the day" "Is 'cause she keeps passing all my tests." "I send her these online friend requests" "Using irresistible aliases." " She must know it's you doing that." " Oh, really?" "Why don't you ask your new friend rontel williamson?" " Is that you?" "Man, I thought I made a black friend." "We were gonna" "You can't-- you're pathetic." " Come on, you don't get jealous of all those guys" "Julia goes "fund-raising" with all the time?" " Don't put "sex implying" quotes around fund-raising." "It's her job." " Okay." "Let's see what kind of guys she networks with." "What's her password?" " Yeah, right." " I bet it's "Luke," like her ATM." "And we're in." " Big violation." " This guy Josh thinks her profile pic is very pretty." " Josh?" "Okay, well, let's just..." "A guy thinks my pretty wife is pretty?" "Where is he?" "His ass is grass." "Come on, I'm not jealous." "I trust my wife." "Log off, please." " This guy Ken" "Made her laugh so hard her stomach still hurts." " I don't--what?" "What did he say?" "What's so funny?" " Don't worry about it." "He looks like an optometrist." " Don't care what he looks like." ""Laugh till my stomach hurts"-- move over." " I hate coming to these work things by myself." "Thank you for coming with me." " It'll be fun." "Plus I can find a college boy for my flirt." "Hey, sexy." " That's a female lacrosse player." " Go, Lady Bears!" "Good luck this season!" " Ah!" " Yes!" "Nailed her." " Show us your boobs!" " Rex?" " Julia..." "That's my sister." "Julia, it's me." "Do not show us your boobs." " Oh, thanks." "Yeah, that was really close." " Jeez, Julia, you ever try to" "Not like one of Ken's status updates?" "Dude, she LOLed with him at 11:30 on Wednesday night." "She got out of bed with me to LOL with him." "And he's not even funny." "What?" " He's pretty funny." " I'll tell you what would be funny." "Is if, uh, I paid a little visit to Captain Hilarious tonight" "At Julia's little office party." "Tell him to back off." " Whoa." "Whoa, bad idea." " I know I'm not gonna do that." " Where is he, this guy's not funny." "I'm funny." " You're not funny," "You're hilarious." " And most of all, Lois..." "We will miss watching you do battle with the copy machine." " Every time it was like an I love Lucy episode." "One time I walked in on her-- - all right, dude." "You're not funny." " Are you Julia's husband?" " Oh, wow, look who finally decided" "That Julia had a husband." "Raise your hands if you're tired of this guy." "I know Lois is." "She can't get away from Ken's" "Stupid face fast enough, can you?" " Uh..." "I'm quitting to spend more time at home" "Caring for my dying mother." " Which reminds me of a joke." "Uh..." " You know what, maybe now" "Oh, whoops!" "Okay, oh!" "Oh!" " Hi." "So..." "I guess it didn't work out with Timmy, huh?" " Have you ever wanted to believe something so bad" "You convince yourself the impossible is true?" " I wrote a lot of letters to Eddie Vedder." " I don't know what I'm gonna do, Julia." " Is that Drakkar Noir?" " That's right." " Smells like my high school gym coach." "Excuse me." "Hello?" " Hey, Vance." "Guess what's 6'1" and staring at my ass right now." "Your worst nightmare." "Listen to this." " Where are you?" " How lucky would you feel" "To come home to this every night, Daniel?" " Amy, you stop this right now." "You let that kid go." "He's gonna fall in love with you, and then what?" " Actually, I'm not really into this." " What?" "Why?" " Because it's weird." "I'm gonna go." " Mm." " Go?" "Dude, are you kidding me?" "What's wrong with her?" "Are her eyes too blue?" "Is her body too smoking hot?" " Aw!" " I don't get what this is." " It's called a reconciliation, Daniel." " Yeah." "Yeah, Daniel." "God, he's such an idiot!" "Uh!" "I hate this guy!" " I hate fighting with you." " I know, I am so in love with you, baby." " I love you, too." " Is Daniel still there?" "Amy, throw me at him." "Do it." "Do it." "Do it!" "Do it." " She idolizes me, Julia." "It makes me sick, the thought of letting her down." " Rex, Leigh loves you so much." "Almost to, like, a-- like, a weird degree." "You need to give her a chance to be there for you." " You're right." "I'm gonna tell her." " Ambush!" " Oh, no." "Look, a fight broke out." " College." "Those were the days." " Oh." " What did you do?" " Crashed a party." "What did you do?" " Failed as a husband." "You hungry?" " So hungry, dude." " Burgers?" " Yeah." " Drive-through?" " Yeah." " Okay." " You ask." " No, no, you ask." " No, I can't." "You ask her." "Can we-- - nope." " Babe, you're gonna be so proud of me," "I just saved us thousands of dollars." "What's wrong?" " Baby, we're having money problems." " What are you talking about?" " I missed a house payment, our credit's maxed out" "I just can't catch a break." "I wanted to tell you, but..." "I was ashamed." " You go through this alone?" "Did we not pledge in our vows" "To love each other for better, or for worse," "For richer, or for poorer?" " I'm not sure." "It was all in vietnamese." " Rex, I believe in you." "And I always will, no matter what." "I'm gonna prove this to you." "This is my rainy day fund." "Every woman in my family has one." "They squirrel away a little just in case," "God forbid, their marriage doesn't work out." "And then they have, you know," "A little something to start over." " These are all hundred dollar bills." "Is that the gold watch I lost?" " I'll never need this." "I'm not going anywhere." "Because I love you." " I love you too, baby." "As much as the first time I said..." "Toi yeu ban mai mai." " Toi yeu ban." "You wanna count it?" " Yes." " Oh, looking good." " So..." "Not super proud of what went down last night." "Ken seems like a perfectly nice gentleman." "Comedy-wise, I think" "The fund-raising crowd's a little easy." "But there is a possibility" "That I may not be immune to jealousy." " What is wrong with us?" "We trust each other, right?" " Totally." "Honey, yes." "It's just..." "When another man makes you laugh..." " And when you were hiking with someone" "With perfect hiking legs, and big, fake breasts." " I don't think those were fake, were they?" " Maybe don't die on that hill." " Um, we need to make some rules." " Okay, that's a good idea." "Like what?" " Like when you're chatting online with another man..." "I get it." "You're human." "If he makes you laugh, you're gonna "L."" "The "OL" save for me." " Fair enough." "You may hike with another woman" "As long as she is much older than you." "Like it's a boy scout situation." "Like you're doing a good deed." " That is-- this is good stuff." "All right, let's talk about butts." " Okay." " Um, may we stare at them?" " I would like that as an option." "You know, we should really write this down." " Yeah, I'll get a pen." " Okay." " It's nice to be back in good standing." " We're deluxe members now." "It costs a little more, but we get our name on a plaque" "And special visors." " Aren't you guys worried" "About blowing through your rainy day fund?" " Yeah, what if you run out?" " Oh, my god, go open an I.R.A., you two." " Great shot, Dave!" "Here's a little something for you." "Julia..." "Thanks for being a great sis."