"I'd give a nickel to find out why they're chasing us." "I say who steals what, from whom, and where." "Is this your money?" "It is now." "I don't care who gets hurt, just as long as I get my money back." "Y'all stick around, you hear?" "You figured out yet if it's us he's chasing?" "Yep, got it all figured out." "See anybody in front of us?" "No." "Then it's us." "Enos, you got your ears on?" "Come on." "Yes, sir." "I read you, Sheriff." "I'm at Parkins Road, Iike you said." "Over." "I got them heading towards you, about 3 miles out." "Over." "Come ahead, Sheriff." "There ain't nobody getting past me." "I'm gonna turn off here, just to see if he's serious." "He's serious." "But we ain't done nothing wrong, have we?" "We're gonna hit old SIade." "Hang a right." "Come on." "How's he know it's us if it ain't our car?" "I bet your dazzling driving gave us away." "And if you don't step on it, he'II give us a ticket for illegal parking." "I'd give a nickel to find out why they're chasing us." "There's Enos." "You can ask him." "AII right." "I was kidding!" "Rosco?" "Sheriff CoItrane here." "Over." "You come see me." "You see, I'm in hot pursuit, and I'm just gonna get them" "Now, Rosco." "Don't make me tell you twice." "Roger, wilco, and out." "And cut that CB shuck and jive." "Just say goodbye and hightail your rear end over here pronto." "Yes, sir." "Enos, how are you doing, boy?" "I'm in hot pursuit, Sheriff, and closing." "That's a boy, get them !" "Just stay with them, and stay on them." "Over and out." "He sure is good, old Enos is." "He should be." "He's learned from his daddy... and his daddy ran moonshine right alongside your daddy and mine." "Seems like everybody's daddy in Hazzard County... used to run moonshine at one time or another... alongside everybody else's daddy." "He sure is good." "You can tell him that." "He's gonna catch us any minute, the way you're poking along." "I was gonna let you take that bow and shoot his tires out... but I'm afraid you'd miss and hit ours." "I wish there were some girls around here." "Maybe you'd show off and drive faster." "Now, who in the world would get chased by the law and not know why?" "Bo and Luke Duke." "The Duke boys." "They fight the system... when they ain't fighting among themselves." "Oh, no." "Moonshine." "What is it?" "Moonshine." "You keep her humping and I'II ditch the evidence." "And who would borrow the only car in the county... loaded with the very thing to get their probation revoked?" "Getting caught with that moonshine means two years in prison... sure as God made little green apples." "Who was Cooter running that whiskey for?" "Somebody Iuckier than us." "That somebody is gonna be awful peeved at Cooter." "We'II write him an excuse." "Now, don't y'all go relaxing too much." "The boys ain't out of trouble yet." "Like my old uncle used to say.:" "'"There's trouble, and then there's trouble. '"" "And the trouble with some trouble is at first it don't look like trouble." "Did you see that?" "Not unless you mean Mary Kaye Porter." "5'5", 1 15 pounds... honey-bIonde hair, baby blue eyes, nice smile, and loads of dimples." "What's she doing on a back mountain road that don't see a car in two or three hours?" "We're about to find out." "Hey there, Mary Kaye." "Hey there, yourself." "I ain't seen you in these parts in months." "How's about nine?" "Yeah, how about that?" "Thanks for stopping and all." "Every day, it takes a little more huffing and puffing." "Where are you headed?" "florida." "That is south." "I want to go there and have my baby." "I didn't know you had any kin in florida." "No, we don't." "I've always been partial to florida." "Taking the scenic route?" "well, the Sheriff don't allow hitchhiking on the freeways." "Listen, I really appreciate this." "I really do." "How's uncle Jesse, and Daisy, and them?" "They're fine." "Right, y'aII set back there?" "Yeah, I'm okay." "You okay?" "Either they're after me for hitchhiking, or Bo's turned into Richard Petty." "Sorry." "old Bo here's a Ieadfoot." "It won't happen again." "You ever seen a car chase where you can't go over 30 miles an hour?" "Sheriff Rosco CoItrane here." "Rosco, what in tarnation is keeping you?" "Boss...." "If you ain't here inside five minutes, you will be..." "I'm in!" "...the night rent-a-cop... at the drive-in deli... on Frontage Road." "Rosco." "Yes, sir." "One of my best customers, namely Mayor...." "Erase that." "One of my best customers, who shall remain nameless... has been waiting over two hours for delivery." "well, Boss, you know I'd do anything in the world for you." "But you know I can't be hauling moonshine in a police car." "Has anybody asked you, jackass?" "No, sir." "AII my regular drivers went to the church fish-fry." "I wish I'd gone." "They got some girls down there that's got me...." "So I hired Cooter Davenport." "He loves my money." "Now it looks like he loves my whiskey, too." "He ought to." "That's good shine." "With those navel oranges, and you get some apple juice...." "That wasn't Cooter who's got your whiskey." "It's them Duke boys." "Bo and Luke Duke." "In fact, I was after them." "I got them down a dirt road, got them boxed in... and they hooked this 180-degreer...." "well, then I want Cooter, or Bo, or Luke... or somebody arrested!" "For stealing your moonshine?" "For possession of moonshine." "It's illegal." "Look it up." "Right." "Damn, I hate a thief." "Me, too." "I hate those guys." "Besides, anybody stealing from me..." "sets a bad example for everybody else." "Right." "When it comes to stealing in Hazzard County..." "I say who steals what, from whom, and where." "In case you're new around here, Boss Hogg runs things in Hazzard County." "including the Sheriff." "Now, if he wants somebody arrested, somebody's gonna get arrested." "And Bo and Luke are leading candidates to be somebody." "Right, I'm gonna get them this time." "I'm gonna get over there." "You just better, or else you will be...." "The night rent-a-cop at the drive-in dell on Frontage Road." "And that's just the first twist of the few knots in this tale." "old Enos is heading home for lunch." "well, even deputies get hungry." "You know, one thing you can count on with any car of Cooter Davenport's... is you can't count on it." "You know, Mary Kaye, I never got to meet this husband of yours... but, if you don't mind my saying so, he's elevated being a fool to a new level." "I was the fool." "See, I thought we could make it work." "But he's out of my Iife now." "And, anyway, Andy's family is happy it's over." "well, they gotta be nuts." "Not wanting to see their own grandchild?" "Being country, I wasn't right for their son." "You know, with college, society, money, and all." "What you just said about money and all...." "It seems to me what you should have done... is had them send you some so you could get back to florida... get that baby of yours born... and help you out until you get back on your feet again." "I don't want anything from them, not even a wedding ring." "Except you got something." "Yeah, I thought that way at first, too, but I don't now." "I mean, I'm glad. 'Cause it's a life." "Hey, there may be a president in there." "well, Mr. President, would you and your mother please get in the car?" "Ms. President." "She's a girl." "Enos, this is Sheriff Rosco." "You got your ears on?" "Come on." "Here I am, Sheriff." "Are you still in hot pursuit, boy?" "More like lukewarm, Sheriff." "I lost them." "You lost them?" "One thing about you, Enos, you're consistent." "Give me about $2 worth, will you?" "We're gonna have to help her out." "She'd never take a handout." "Maybe we could kind of slip the money into her suitcase... and she'd find it when she got to florida?" "Keeping some back for lunch, I got about $6." "I got $4 and some change." "She sure didn't take much." "Now, what did I say?" "Didn't I tell you there's a twist or two to go?" "well, I'm surprised you Duke boys just didn't drive off with it." "You sure had us fooled." "Is this your money?" "It is now." "You in trouble, Mary Kaye?" "You see, you've already decided the worst." "No, not us." "Where did you get it?" "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." "How much is in there?" "exactly $1 18,254.37." "$1 18,254." "And 37 cents." "That is a considerable amount to be lost." "Lost?" "More like stolen." "And you say all that money is down here, in my county?" "Yep, and I know just who I'm looking for." "But I wouldn't step on to your turf without touching base with you." "I stay out of atlanta and you stay out of Hazzard County." "Good fences make good neighbors." "True." "Except for now." "You say you know who." "Mary Kaye Porter." "That's Henry Porter's youngest." "She wouldn't." "She would and she did." "Her boyfriend was working for me, had the money at the house." "When he got arrested, she took it." "Is there something I can do to help?" "Leo and me will handle this one." "I'm not sure I Iike the word "handle."" "Mr. McQuade will be a whole lot friendlier... when he finds that none of his money is missing." "That includes the 37 cents." "$1 18,254.37." "And not one penny of it's for yourself?" "That's what I said." "I know that's what you said, but" "child support at $100 a week for 18 years... comes to exactly $93,600." "And the rest is for medical expenses, estimated dental costs... and college education." "plus, enough to cover the rate of inflation figured at about 10% a year." "I'm sure glad she didn't get a craving for pickles." "I did, early on." "So am I." "Right now, I'II die if I don't find some pickled peaches." "I'm sure glad I'm not pregnant." "I think I'd get sick." "Don't worry." "For a little old country girl, you've sure got a mind for figures." "little old country girls can add and multiply, you know." "Here." "Anyway, there's one thing more." "There aren't any parents." "My husband's, I mean." "I made them up." "Did you make up your husband, too?" "No." "well, we talked about getting married, but he said there wasn't any rush." "At the time." "I Ioved him and he loved me." "He also said that he was in real estate." "Not true." "He worked for somebody named McQuade, a gangster in atlanta." "If you're wondering why the boys' eyes are bugged out like a popeyed mule...." "Well, in Chicago, it was Al Capone." "In New York, Dutch Schultz." "And, in Atlanta, it's Quirt McQuade, and most everybody knows it." "My husband was sent to jail... and Mr. McQuade didn't lift a finger, or a lawyer, to help." "That's Andy's child, but that's not Andy's money." "Andy was supposed to deliver that money to McQuade, right?" "Yeah, I guess." "You got any idea what McQuade's gonna do to you when he finds you?" "Listen, y'aII have been really sweet... but I think I'm gonna leave you here, 'cause I don't want you to get involved." "If that ain't indigestion, we're in trouble." "You know, there's times when it's hard for good old boys to be good old boys." "And this is one of them." "How do you keep from cracking up with that old Boss Hogg?" "It wasn't easy." "How about when he says, he stays out of atlanta... if you stay out of Hazzard County?" "Now, that's fair." "Sure, to us." "Come in." "Yes, Boss?" "tell me something." "Do you know the way to the Porter farm?" "Sure do." "I went to school with Mary Kaye Porter since the third grade." "I ain't seen her lately." "You'II see her today." "How come?" "She's come into a great sum of money." "And it could be very dangerous for her to hold on to it." "And you're gonna help her out?" "Right." "By holding on to it yourself?" "Something like that." "Let's go." "Here he comes." "That's the cue." "I ask you boys not to haul moonshine." "And what do you do?" "You don't listen to me." "Why did you have to go and do this?" "Now you're gonna end up going to jail!" "I've told you time and time again." "I was just saying to Daisy, "I think company's coming."" "Listen, I heard voices in here" "We were reminiscing about when the boys got caught moonshining two years ago." "Bo and Luke ain't here." "They're gonna be here, and soon." "I know that." "I doubt that... seeing as how they're driving a car full of Boss Hogg's whiskey." "Cooter called me and told me about the mix-up of the cars." "Jesse, you don't mind if I stick around for a little while, do you?" "Of course not, Rosco." "You're just a sheriff trying to do your job." "That's right." "And I'm an uncle trying to do his job." "What?" "Keeping you from doing your job." "You don't think those boys are dumb enough... not to get rid of the whiskey that's in that car, do you?" "Yeah, but the question is did they have time to look into the trunk?" "It don't make no difference anyway, because they have been observed... transporting contraband whiskey in that vehicle." "That's just gonna blow the hell out of their probation." "I bet that threw a pucker into you two, didn't it?" "Wouldn't you just love to wipe that egg-sucking grin off of Rosco's face?" "As you probably guessed, these are the two city dudes... tracking their money, and a pretty, pregnant woman." "And they ain't doing bad for old city boys." "In fact, they're hotter than a pair of blue tick hounds on their first hunt." "Another 10 miles, we'II be at the farm... and then there's about 40 miles of rough road to get to the hospital." "We could cut down that old tote road across the back of Narramore's place..." "and save a couple of miles." "We do that, rutted like it is... and we'II have us another passenger before we get there." "What do you think it is?" "This fan belt's loose, for one thing." "This engine's so souped-up, driving it as slow as we have has given it the colic." "Go grab that tool kit out of the back seat." "You just hold on now to everything, okay?" "Start making like one hell of a mechanic, or we're gonna become midwives." "You reckon it's gonna dawn on them to wonder why the tools were up front... instead of in the trunk where they belong?" "Ever since those boys were put on probation... they've been thumbing their nose at the Iaw." "namely, me." "Given your kind of law, maybe thumbing their nose was a gracious gesture." "You were a fair-to-middIing Iawman, once." "I sure was, for 20 long, underpaid years." "What happened to your sense of justice?" "It went with 20 cent bread and 35 cent gasoline." "along with my pension, which the people in Hazzard County vetoed." "If it's for you, we'II let you know." "hello." "hello, Daisy?" "Is uncle Mr. Jesse still there?" "Yeah." "It's Cooter again." "Hey, Cooter." "Sir, are Bo and Luke back yet?" "They've been gone for an awful long time." "Are you still there?" "well, that's good to hear." "What's awful good to hear?" "We must have a bad connection or something." "That's fine." "I'm glad you got your whiskey back." "No, he's sitting right here, waiting for the boys." "Cooter, never mind what I said." "Rosco is on his way over to your place right now, so stall him." "Give the boys time to dump that whiskey." "Yes, sir." "Some days, you can't even cram it into second... even if you doubIe-cIutch it." "What in the world could that little Porter girl do with all that money?" "$1 18,254.37." "What's that, Boss?" "Nothing." "I just hate to see money leave Hazzard County." "Bad for the economy." "Mine." "AII right, hit it." "Try it again." "There she is." "pull on over now." "Wait a minute." "We got a lady with a baby back there." "Where's my money?" "It's my baby's money, Mr. McQuade." "Rube, I don't care who gets hurt just as long as I get my money back." "You're gonna have to take it." "You want me to handle this, Mr. McQuade?" "I'm very disappointed in you, Mary Kaye." "Yeah, me, too." "I don't know about you, but I'm running out of things that can go wrong." "Stick around." "No quick moves from either of you two hayseeds." "help Mary Kaye out, Leo." "No!" "Come on, don't hurt her." "Let go of me." "Mr." "McQuade, I gotta say something." "Say goodbye." "We'II give you the money back." "Of course you will, my dear." "Come on, Iet's get them." "If I was Mary Kaye's baby, I believe I'd think twice about being born today." "How're you doing, Mary Kaye?" "Just dandy." "No!" "If we throw it out, they'II stop to pick it up." "No, it's for my baby." "Leave her be." "She's got problems enough." "Spunky, ain't she?" "Of course, there's one advantage the Dukes have.:" "They know the country." "Maybe taking that advantage is no way to treat a visitor from the city." "But, under the circumstances, Luke don't mind being called a poor sport." "Great." "Now, besides the Sheriff, we got two hoods from atlanta following us." "She's running out of time." "If we can make it to uncle Jesse's, we'II take you to hospital in his pickup." "I'm willing." "Cooter Davenport, don't you tell me they didn't come back!" "I heard with my own ears." "Those boys are running moonshine for you." "Ain't that illegal?" "They're running in that blue plymouth." "Sheriff, I wish to report a stolen car." "A 1975 blue plymouth Fury with Hazzard County" "We know what it looks like." "We've been chasing the dang thing all morning." "That's right." "Runs good, don't it?" "She sure does." "What do you run in that thing?" "I couldn't even catch it." "What kind of headers are in there?" "Tuned EdeIbrocks." "Tuned EdeIbrocks?" "I had them put it in last week in rutledge." "I was running Hookers on that Chevy that I had." "But I totaled the Chevy, and I was thinking about...." "Enos, what are you doing?" "Just a minute." "This is what we need on the Sheriff's car." "Y'aII come by here anytime." "I'II give you a good price on any kind of work that y'aII need." "Damn and double damn!" "Howdy." "hello, McQuade." "hello, Boss." "Fine day." "They're all fine." "Some are just finer than others." "That there's the undying truth, ain't it?" "We ain't found her, neither." "well, good hunting." "That's the word." "Hi, Daisy." "Hi!" "The Sheriff was here." "He'II just have to stand in line and wait his turn." "Don't worry about it." "We already dumped the whiskey that was in the car." "including the shine that's in the trunk?" "The trunk?" "Yeah." "Oh, Lord." "We gotta borrow your truck and take Mary Kaye to the hospital." "There ain't gonna be time to take her anywhere, except in the house." "Now you two boys go boil some water." "Daisy, you go turn down the comforter." "We's gonna have us a baby." "You sure you can do it?" "The only thing we've seen you midwife is a couple of goats and two mares." "My mama was the best midwife in all of Hazzard County." "Bo, you go tear up some clean sheets." "Just go do what I told you." "Now, Mary Kaye, don't you be afraid." "I can't tell you the number of little babies I've brought into this world." "The very first sight they ever did see in their whole life... was this handsome face of mine." "including them two up there." "Now go on." "Do what I told you." "Come on, then." "It's okay." "I'm all right." "It's good for you." "Some more." "We's gonna have company real soon." "If that baby survives this start, it deserves to become President." "Come on, Mary Kaye." "hold on." "Breathe." "Keep breathing." "We got enough boiling water here to wash an elephant and two blue tick hounds." "That's supposed to keep the new father busy." "I ain't the father." "I ain't, either." "But I'II tell you something." "With that lady in there, I wouldn't half mind." "Where's my money, son?" "With all that happened today with Mary Kaye's baby" "I don't care about the baby." "I care about my money." "Nobody forgets $100,000." "It's in the...." "It's McQuade and Leo." "Keep him covered up." "uncle Jesse, we're between a rock and a hard place." "uncle Jesse." "They're reloading." "Bo, Luke, get out there." "See what you can do." "AII right." "You stay with her." "hold it right there." "I say, McQuade." "would you step over here, please?" "I want to talk with you." "What in the hell do you want?" "To begin with, watch your language." "Now then, McQuade...." "could you please look at me when I'm talking to you?" "You go paging me when there's Indians out there shooting at me?" "There's no Indians around here." "I once put in for federal funds... to help the Indians in Hazzard County." "But the federals couldn't find one single Indian." "No, you're dodging arrows from those Duke boys because you shot at them." "I don't waste no love with them Dukes, but I won't have shooting in my county." "It's bad for business." "Mine." "slot machines, rake-offs, bribing paving contractors never got nobody killed." "But guns, no sirree, Bob!" "You get back right to atlanta, or you're gonna try my patience." "Listen, you fat clown, I'm trying to get my money back." "If it takes shooting to get it back, there's gonna be shooting." "I'm sorry you take that attitude, McQuade." "real sorry." "hold your fire, boys!" "It's me, Boss Hogg, your friend." "If I thought those meanies would go away and leave us alone..." "I'd give them their money back." "Where is it, Mary Kaye?" "Where's what?" "The money." "I don't rightly remember what I did with it." "Last thing I remember, I was having the pains and then the baby came." "First off, it ain't yours to give." "What are you saying?" "It's his." "I know he don't have no name yet, but he's here." "And we're all near getting ourselves killed so he can keep that money." "So, you see, it ain't even yours to give away." "That's true." "Anyways, you certainly can't give away... what you can't remember what you did with, can you?" "Why am I getting a headache from you?" "I think we're pretty smart for a couple of country gals." "How come nobody else knows that?" "Because we keep it a pretty good secret." "And let's keep it that way." "AII three of us." "Now those Dukes have gone too far." "My toe!" "You shot my toe!" "Do you think I'm a hick sheriff?" "I can part your hair anytime." "You won't play football anymore, boy." "Look, Iet's make a deal." "No deals." "I want my money." "It's yours if you leave us alone." "You're dead and so are they." "AII right, shoot." "You'II never see the money." "Freeze!" "You're under arrest!" "You have the right to remain silent." "Anything you say" "Enos, don't do that now." "That constitutes cruel and unusual punishment." "That a boy." "hold him right there." "Y'aII better get out of the way." "There's fixing to be a heck of an explosion." "Now, one second." "You can have the money." "Oh, my gosh!" "AII that money is in there." "In there?" "Oh, no!" "My money!" "My evidence!" "Yep, at Ieast we got rid of that." "End of story." "Almost." "Yes, sir, that could have been a blue sedan." "Yep, could have been." "And that could have been moonshine that blew up in the trunk." "You guys think you're smart, don't you?" "The truth is, he ain't really all that mad." "As much as he wants to see Bo and Luke back in jail... he don't want to see them dead." "Then, there's capturing them two big city hoods." "And that's okay." "I mean, everybody should ought to get a little something out of all this." "Is the Sheriff gone?" "Yeah, he's gone, and Boss Hogg, too." "Good." "I guess I forgot to tell anybody that I brought this in." "Brought what?" "This!" "would you look at that!" "This is yours, little fella." "And that's the legend of how Mary Kaye's baby... got himself a fine start in life." "There ain't nobody would deny him that." "english"