"From the people who brought you "Midget Bride" and "Waking Up A Whale", it comes the show about a bond between a mother and a daughter and her jogging journey across America, through your towns and up your hearts," ""The Rivers Run Through It"." "Mandy, we should watch this together, mother-daughter style." "Hard pass." "Look what finally arrived!" "I now have "Wolf power"!" ""Wolf power"?" "You're gonna shapeshift into a wolf?" ""Wolf power" is an 11-part self-help strategy for success in the workplace." "It's like Cesar Milan and Tony Robbins had a baby and it wrote a book!" "I like that idea a lautner." "Taylor Lautner?" "I'll give you a new moon." "I'm gonna make all of my dreams come true by thinking, acting, and being hungry like a wolf." "And wolves are also known for having tight family bonds." "And the daughters always hang outwith their mothers." "They're cool to the jive." "Dad, how are these wolfy powers gonna help us get back home?" "I plan on wolf-barking myself to the top of Petromundo and then shutting down the drill from above, thereby saving hell and allowing us to go home." "Yay, "Wolf power"!" "He's lucky he's hot like you read about." "I guess you're wondering what I'm doing." "There's a dog-dancing competition this weekend." "Champers and I have won six years running!" "The purse is $47,000 american real." "Wish us luck!" "Don't need it." "Goblin, we're entering the dog-dancing competition!" "Hooray for us!" "Wait." "Where we gonna get a dog?" "Wait." "Come on, man." ""Maintain eye contact like a wolf." ""And growl." ""This conveys power and makes people want to promote you. "" "God, what is it about you today?" "I suddenly feel so much confidence in you." "Thank you, sir." "Hellman, I have a very important Japanese V.I.P. coming to town that I need to dump 3,000 tons of radioactive rice on." "I'm taking him out coking and whoring to seal the deal." "Normally, I'd take a higher-ranking executive with me, but you just seem so competent right now, so I'm choosing you." "And one more thing." "He has a wife." "She needs someone to keep her company while we get her old man plowed and dusted with bolivian marching powder." "Not a problem." "Tina loves asian people." "And if we land this deal, it goes without saying, it's promotion time for you." "And 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6." "And turn into pirouette." "Guess what, Mandy." "The Rivers are running through Houston tomorrow." "We could run with them for a leg and wear these t-shirts." "Sorry." "Rain check." "Me and my friend Juan are going to hot Craig's party." "I'm on Craig's list plus Juan." "Well, great news." ""Wolf power" totally works." "I got invited to go whoring and coking with Killbride and a very important japanese executive." "That is wonderful, hon bun bearboo!" "And here's the not-so-great part." "I kind of volunteered you to hang out with the executive's wife tomorrow." "Well, it's not like anyone around here wants to spend any time with me." "And by "anyone here", I mean my backstabbing teenage daughter, Mandy." " Right, mandy?" " That's not fair." "I just want to hang out with my friends." "I thought we were friends." "It's so much scarier when she doesn't yell." "There's the sewage plant." "There's the paint store." "And there's the jail, and that's basically Houston." "Tell me something, do you have children, Mrs. Kawai?" "And are they horrible pigs to you?" "Especially the daughters?" "Mrs. Kawai, I wish I could be more like you." "Well, I'm a bad driver, so I guess we have that in common." "Don't worry." "I know him." "Pazuzu to Tina." "Over." "There's been a terrible accident!" "We need our backup pants!" "Why don't you call Mandy?" "It's not like she's doing anything special except for shoving a thousand tiny daggers into her mother's back." "I left her a message." "Come on, man, we can't dog dance without our dog-dancing costumes." "Dog-a-dancing?" "So cute." "Pazuzu, looks like we've got a fan." "Mrs. Kawai and I are on our way." "This is so fun!" "Mandy who, right?" "Mom." "Hello, Mandy." "I guess we both brought pants." "So you could break away from hot Craig when someone you really love needed you." "Mom, come on." "The show's starting." "Let's take our seats, Mrs. Kawai." "You are no Melissa Rivers." "Let's have a big hand for Marjoe and Champers!" "Next up, a team who dares to ask the question, what if Sonny and Cher were born on Pandora as avatars!" "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you" "Vlaartark and Pazuzu Pazzizzle fo shizzle the rizzle!" "Dog-a-dancing!" "Sonny!" "Cher!" "With tails!" "Avatar!" "So cute!" "That's so cute!" "I can't take it!" "Super cute!" "One moment everything was fine." "And the next..." "Kerblooey!" "Princess die time all over the place." "All over the place." "Our cute-itude made her head spontaneously explode!" "Or it could have been all those guns she had in her purse." "I think it was our cute-itude." "Talk about a plaxico emburressment." "We have to do something." "I can't return Mrs. Kawai with her head blown to kingdom come." "Balthy will crap an ass baby." "There has to be a way to fix this." "Selfish Mandy is right." "We need to think clearly." "Wait!" "I have the solution." "There's an old, old satanic spell to reanimate humans." "It's been a few thousand years, but maybe I can still pull it off." " But you fart dust, man." " Maybe so." "Maybe not so." "If we could just find a giant electrical source," "I may be able to jump-start my latent powers." "Well, no, that's a no-go zone, brozone." "No powers." "That's the fastest way to blow our cover..." "As demons." "Fine." "Let's just destroy the evidence." "Goblin, file down the teeth." "Tina, burn her clothes." "Josh, pull my finger." "We have to make an exception and use our powers for Mrs. Kawai." "Well done, Trish and Rookie." "Great job!" "That is one classy bitch." "And Rookie ain't too bad herself." "Send it!" "And now, the first runner-up is..." "Marjoe Saint Sparks and Champers!" "And the winner for this year's Dr. Dre dog-dancing competition is..." "Vlaartark Mimklark and Pazuzu Pazzizzle fo shizzle my dizzle the rizzle yo nizzle!" "They should at least have the dignity to show up." "Hiyo." "Not cool." "Right, Champers?" "Okay, the electrical source is at full capacity." "Superb." "Now, Mrs. Kawai will still retain her personality, but by using the essence of my character as a cloning source," "I will fill in the gaps of her essence that were damaged during the trauma of her decapitation." "And without further ado, here goes something I haven't done in 3,000 years." "What?" "Pick up a check?" "I'm kidding." "I'm kidding." "Come on." "Go on, big V. Be safe." "And..." "Bubbles and troubles and toils and lead!" "Bring all of Satan's power to bear so I can reanimate this head!" "It's working!" "That old dusty turd is doing it!" "He's really doing it!" "Gosai mas." "Knobs and Nancy!" "Mrs. Kawai swapped souls with Champers and got Pazuzu's powers!" "Incoming!" "Pull!" "I love being alive!" "Let's get some ink on paper, Jerry, and put this rice deal to bed." "I do not sign anything without Mrs. Kawai." "She is my good-luck charm." "Then let's get her ass over here." "I'm on it, sir." "She's a fighter!" "Ooh la la." "Le yipes!" " Look how she's hissing." " Watch what she does when I poke her." "Phooey!" "Awesome!" " Balthazor to Tina." "Over." " Nuts." "Hey, hon." " Yeah, how's it going?" "Over." " Great." "We're just about to ink the deal." "But Mr Kawai wants you and Mrs. Kawai to be here, too." "Over." "Are you all right?" "Mrs. Kawai just thought she saw Teri Hatcher, and she grabbed my throat out of excitement." "Well." "I'll see you in a few." "Bye." "Has anyone seen my Champers?" "Where's my Champers?" "Hey, watch it, lady!" "You almost ran over my baby!" "You want your baby to breast-feed on my tek-9?" "My dog is missing!" "All right, I'm gonna take her in." "How does she look?" " Pretty doggish." " I can make it work." "I just have to punch her in the kidneys and then she sits straight up." "That's wonderful!" "Let me try!" "Down, girl." "Down!" "Down!" "Okay, team plan." "We need to find another power source and un-hell dog Mrs. Kawai." "I just want to say, I'm really having the best time." "This is way better than getting felt up in Craig's pool house." "For realsies?" "For super realsies." "Let's find that power source!" "Boys." "How's work coming along?" "Sit, Mrs. Kawai." "All right, let's get this paperwork signed, peoples." "Why is my wife on a leash?" "Who cares why she's on a leash?" "I spent last night wearing a ball gag and a diaper." "Life's unpredictable." "Okay, let's sign." "Is this a cruel joke?" "Are you trying to humiliate me, Killbride?" "By degrading my wife like a common house pet?" "I would... never treat someone else's wife like a dog." "I'm an honorable man." "I would only do that to a hooker whose been paid for and at least 16." "Bad girl!" "Bad." "Bad." "That is bad!" "No rice!" "No deal!" "I have my pride!" "And I need a new owl." "This one stopped nibbling my testicles an hour ago." "Hellman, a moment?" "What the hell is your hot but dingy broad wife up to?" "Sir, I promise you, I don't know." "Maybe they've been drinking." "I don't care" "If they've freebased all the roadie luggage from the last Fleetwood Mac tour." "Tell me why I shouldn't fire and kill you, right now!" "Boy, are you peeing on me?" "I am." "Damn it, I've got confidence in you again." "Go fix this now." "And get the janitor over here." "The urine's starting to pool under the lobster tank." "Tina Marie hon bun bear, what is going on here?" "And by "here," I mean with Mrs. Kawai." "Balthy, it's very humorous, actually." "We found a power source to change Mrs. Kawai back." "Here, hook this onto Vlaartark's magical nipples." ""Magic nipples"?" "Is Vlaartark switching bodies?" "No time to explain!" "Now we are jiving!" "What's the power source, little buddy?" "It's a force so unrelenting that it could make grown men kill themselves and fuel medium to large sized tiny villages." "Kyra Sedgwick's accent in "the closer"?" "No!" "Look!" "It's "The Rivers Run Through It"!" "So, I was there when Melissa gave birth." "Her vagina was a war zone." "So I called in Dr. Levine." "I says, "if you can do for that worn-out wizard sleeve" ""what you did for this drapey monkey neck of mine," ""she might have a chance at love again."" "Look, their unnaturally close mother-daughter bond is charging Uncle Vlaartark's mystical mammaries!" "This could work!" "Those ladies just have to keep on yapping!" "Vlaartark, go!" "Fairies and goblins and cherries on top." "And wizardly waverly bodies, now swap!" "Kyoko!" "Dog-a-dancing." "Tina!" "I see it now." "You're the dancing dog at the end of my leash." "Kyoko," "I am so ashamed!" "Great, you guys got your happy ending, but I don't get mine until I get your John Hirohito on these papers." "It's the least I could do for being taught a wonderful life lesson by my glorious wife and Tina." "I'll buy this rice and all your future rice!" "Sounds great!" "You son of a bitch." "You've done it again, Hellman." "You pulled another "w" out of your twinkle hole." "How do you do it?" "Love, sir?" "Well, consider yourself promoted, boy." "You are now in charge of sector 8." "If that's anything like district 9, I will freak right out!" "I started here." "And now I'm all the way up..." "Here." "Well, it's progress, honey bear." "Speaking of progress, Mandy girl, Mama owes you an apology." "I got caught up in the human idea that moms and daughters should spend every waking minute up each other's snootches," "Like Joan and Melissa Rivers." "But by seeing them and hearing them and possibly killing them," "I learned something very important." "When mothers and daughters are best friends, it's just @#!" "~ gross." "I did have a really good time today, though, mom." "It was cool to the jive." "It was "c" to the "j, "wasn't it?" "I've got a great idea." "Let's get matching tramp stamps that say mm jive tribe..." "For mom and Mandy!" "Just kidding!" "Got you." "I just found that in the street." "Unless you're into it." "Still kidding." "Are you into it?" "I'm totally kidding." "What a day!" "It's win-win-win all over the place." "Pazuzu and Vlaartark won the dog-dancing championship." "I won a promotion to a division I've never heard of." "Mandy won some mother-daughter boundaries." "And how fun is it to eat with chopsticks?" "It's like Pinocchio is getting to second base on me." "Behold!" "It is me, Satan!" "With my new neckercisor!" "Do I look like Ashton Kutcher?" "Damn skippy." "I'm youthful and toned." "Where's Demi?" "Where's Scout?" "That's the little one." "Actually, Dark Sir, Tallulah is the little one." "She likes to go by Lulla." "Really?" "I like to go by "never correct Satan" ""when it comes to the Willis children!" "Never!"" "Drill information now." "Using a new technique for success in the workplace, I got a promotion." "I'm climbing the ladder and soon I will put a stop to that drill once and for all." "Well, you'd better climb that ladder fast because if you don't, the only ahead you'll be getting will be your own..." "Head." "Chopped off." "A head chopped off." "You see?" "And one more thing." "If you see one of those hot new Swatch watches, could you send it my way?" "I like to be on top of the trends." "You know, 'cause I'm young and hip." "Holla!" "Gram!" "Satan out." "More like holla-tosis!" "Did you guys smell that breath?" "It made my hair curl." "I guess I can cancel my perm appointment." "I love you guys!" "You don't disgust me as much as normal."