"We're completely moogamous." "It's just one of our games." "Chuck plays the cheating bastard, and I play the scorned woman." "What happens when one day you don't get there in time, and he actually kisses someone else?" "My parents are artists." "My sister's a musician." "Just like going to an ivy is your family's way, not going to college is mine." "I met this woman." "I knew they'd take care of my debts, so I proposed." "So what, you just disappeared?" "It's the worst thing I've ever done." "Do you think the Buckleys would actually hurt him?" "They might." "They clearly want revenge." "But what truly defines tonight's honored guest is not something that can be easily categorized..." "The distinguished-looking gentleman at the podium is an alumnus of the university." "He will go on speaking for a long time." "It is not important that you hear what he says." "In closing, those of us at the university will have had the pleasure of getting to know tonight's recipient, know that she is a kind and gentle soul." "Hey, you okay?" "What?" "No." "No, I am not okay." "...her humility, her devotion, her love for us." "Ladies and gentlemen," "Miss Vanessa Abrams." "No." "No!" "No!" "Bad dream?" "Don't tell me it was "Charade" again." "I know how terrifying you find Walter Matthau." "Worse." "I was in "All about Eve." That's not a Hepburn movie." "I know." "I was Bette Davis." "I've never been Bette Davis before." "I'm Audrey Hepburn," "Not some plain baby Jane." "Who was Rve?" "I couldn't see her face." "Blair, we both know this is about N.Y.U." "Now it may take time, but one day you will hold that school in the palm of your dainty hand." "I'm audrey." "Well, thank you, councilman." "I know my cousin appreciates your support." "Yes, I'll be sure to tell him." "Thanks." "When did Tripp decide to run for congress?" "And should somebody tell him the election is not until next year?" "Well, after Congressman Kruger died, a house seat opened up in Manhattan." "You know grandfather." "He figured, why wait?" "Well, it's nice of you to help." "Mm." "Well, Tripp's a good guy, and with the Buckleys buying up all these attack ads against his campaign, I'm taking it kind of personally." "Yeah." "Have you..." "Have you spoken to Bree lately?" "No." "You spoken to Carter?" "Not since my mom's wedding." "I've left him a dozen messages." "I don't know if he's mad at me or..." "Well, Serena, that's why I called." "Supposedly the Buckleys are flying him out to Galveston so he can work off his debt." "Work it off how?" "On one of the family oil rigs." "Th... that's crazy." "It would take him, like, 20 years to earn that kind of money." "I think they're more interested in getting Carter out to the gulf with a bunch of Texas roughnecks." "So it's not like he's going to be making a lot of friends." "No, please tell me this is a joke." "Don't worry." "I have an idea." "Yes." "Yes." "Lily loves her Jefferson airplane." "So, Rufus, how is married life?" "Well, at the risk of sounding like a man deeply in love, uh, each day gets better than the one before." "It must be, if you're packing these "welcome back, kotter" mugs." "They'll look great next to Lily's china." "Yeah, maybe we should hold off on the sweathogs." ""In just a few short months, freshman leader Vanessa Abrams has tackled numerous social and environmental issues."" "What is that?" "Oh, it's just a wildly flattering cover story on Vanessa in the N.Y.U. paper." "It doesn't mean anything." "Except that she's a shoo-in to give the toast at the freshman dinner on parents' weekend." "Dan, can I borrow your muscles?" "Is that true?" "About the toast?" "I..." "I got a message from Josh Ellis." "He's the alumnus who decides who gives the toast." "Supposedly it's between me and some other girl." "I probably won't get it." "Well, speech or no speech," "I..." "I hope you're inviting your parents." "You're kidding, right?" "My parents hate that I'm at a private college, "buying" an elitist education." ""Knowledge shouldn't be for sale."" "Sure, Arlo and Gabriela are progressive, but if they knew how much good you were doing at the school," "I'm sure they'd come around." "It would be kind of amazing if they came and, you know, actually approved of something I was doing." "But whatever." "I haven't been chosen yet, so..." "Well, you will be." "And tomorrow night, Dan and I will be there front and center." "Oh, um, yeah, you know what?" "Actually, Olivia just got back from Japan." "I was hoping we would hang out tomorrow night." "So bring Olivia." "Or not." "It's your call." "I..." "I don't want to force you." "What?" "What?" "We... we just started dating." "Isn't it a little soon for meet the parents?" "Not for Olivia." "She seems really easygoing and into you." "Yeah, seriously, Dan." "Play the parent card." "People like you more when they meet our family." "It's true." "All right." "Okay." "A... all right." "I'll invite her." "Oh, that's awesome." "It's gonna be a great night for the Humphreys." "And who knows?" "Maybe the Abramses." "Wait." "Bree's cousin hosts a poker game?" "Yeah, P.J. Buckley." "Picture, like, a young J.R. Ewing in earnest sewn jeans." "And you really think he'll play for Carter's debt?" "Oh, I've seen his friends bet thoroughbreds, an island in the Seychelles, the knicks." "Okay, but what makes you think we'll win?" "You're not exactly a card shark." "Well, this one night at the Maidstone," "Bree told me every one of P.J.'s tells." "So you'll know exactly when to call his bluff." "Wait." "Me?" "Oh, yeah." "You're gonna be playing." "Nate." "No." "Well, Serena, P.J. hates me." "I mean, luckily, he likes blondes, though." "And didn't you spend a summer in monte carlo with your mom, when she dated Carlos Mortensen?" "I was 9." "Carlos taught me to play using necco wafers as chips." "Well, just imagine Carter owes the Buckleys half a million necco wafers." ""..." "And Ms. Abrams has even been mentioned as a contender to deliver this year's toast at the freshman dinner." Oh, my God." "Enough." "I am in no mood to hear you fawn over some girl with tacky accessories who lives to recycle." "Blair, didn't you ask Mr. Ellis if you could give the freshman speech?" "I put out feelers." "That's totally different." "Of course." "I'd be honored, Mr. Ellis." "Thank you." "You." "Yeah, Blair, me." "F.Y.I.... one insipid article does not mean people here like you." "The fever will pass, like swine flu." "Really?" "Huh." "Then I wonder why Josh Ellis... he's this kind of important alumni liaison... told me to start working on my toast for the freshman dinner." "What are you standing there for?" "Get in here!" "I love it." "You know, cobalt's my favorite color." "Push the button." "It's 11:45." "Your hair is so pleasing." "It's a compliment watch." "And it flatters in three different languages." "Oh, my God." "This is the greatest watch in the history of all watches." "The Swiss should be ashamed for not thinking of it first." "So, um, what are you gonna do this weekend to thank me?" "Uh, you know, actually, um, about that, I was thinking I would invite you to the parents' weekend freshman dinner with, uh, with me and my parents." "And I..." "I know you're probably exhausted." "I would love to." "Really?" "Are you sure?" "'Cause you heard the part about my parents, right?" "Dan, the last three guys I dated..." "I met their agent, their manager, their publicist, a personal trainer who also read tarot cards, and I never met a single one of their parents." "I would love to meet yours." "I missed you." "It's 11:46." "Your teeth shine like diamonds." "It's true." "It's very true." "Mm." "You've reached Arlo and Gabriela Abrams." "Pay it forward." "Hey, mom, dad." "Look, I know you guys aren't happy that I'm at N.Y.U., but I'm giving this toast tomorrow night, and it's kind of a big honor." "And it would mean so, so much to me if you came, so I hope you can." "Careful, V." "Don't send out your invitations just yet." "We hear another girl has her eyes on the prize." "Montesquieu, Churchill, Hobbes..." "I'm thinking my toast should touch on... tradition, virtue, the divine right of the monarchy." "But, Blair, Vanessa's giving the toast." "Not when I'm done." "Mao, Sun-Tzu, of course," "Napolen's always good for a few zingers." "Though things are rarely as simple as they appear." "This is Josh Ellis." "Well I'm thrilled he changed your mind." "Of course we'd still love to have you give the toast." "Yes, there was another girl, but we hadn't fully committed to her." "We definitely want you." "Great." "I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Ellis." "Goodbye, jet lag." "Hello, triple ristretto." "Yes." "What was that?" "Just a surprise." "And something tells me we're in for a show." "Now, Ms. Waldorf, if this is about letting you give the freshman toast, like I told you last week, I'd love to help you out, but..." "Actually, Mr. Ellis, I'm here to help you." "Simply put," "Vanessa Abrams is a tired cliche from the 7-1-8." "The preachy "I hate the man" toast she no doubt has in mind won't inspire the kind of deep-pocket donations this school needs." "You need a speaker more like, well, me." "Ms. Waldorf, yes, last week I narrowed my search down to two candidates." "But just moments ago, our first choice, Olivia Burke, accepted our invitation." "Then why does activist Abrams still think she's giving the toast?" "Vanessa was the other student that we were considering." "You see, initially, Olivia wasn't planning on attending, but then luckily, for everyone, her new boyfriend convinced her otherwise." "Yes, she is very famous." "Mm-Hmm." "But she's a 2-Quadrant speaker." "Is it smart to lose everyone over 25 on parents' weekend?" "Besides, actresses are notoriously unreliable." "Ms. Waldorf, even if Olivia's schedule did change," "Vanessa would still be my next choice." "So..." "I'm very busy." "You are not trying to steal my toast." "Nobody told you." "Olivia, your dear roommate, is giving the toast." "Poor Vanessa." "Always the understudy, never the star." "Olivia's the other girl?" "And I was the one who told Dan to bring her." "Irony certainly can be cruel." "Did I overhear your long-absent mother" "Is coming to hear you speak?" "Tragic." "Well, I'll just tell Olivia how much this toast means to me, and then she'll step down." "Yeah, probably." "Though, then again, she might not." "Nice try, Blair." "Well, I'm just saying, we all know Olivia loves the spotlight." "She is an actress." "Then I'll ask Dan not to bring her." "Another idea with some merit." "See, that's where you and I are different." "I would never put my fate in someone else's hands, and that's why I always win, and you lose." "So good luck with your honesty." "Maybe you and mom could take in a show instead." "Well, well, well." "Nate Archibald." "You looking for a game?" "I'm..." "I'm afraid we..." "we don't have a seat for you." "Oh, I'm not here to play." "She is." "That is unless you're afraid to play a girl." "Buy-In's $25,000." "That's a lot of money." "So don't lose." "Pull up a seat, darlin'." "You're the one who told me to invite her." "I know." "You're kidding, right?" "Remember the whole "people like you better when they meet your family" thing?" "Exactly." "You don't want to be outshone by your family, and not to mention, she's been in Japan for ten days." "I mean, she's probably having reverse culture shock." "Yeah, okay." "All right." "So do you have any, uh, non-insane reasons?" "Well, I'm just saying, why don't you do something more casual but also romantic?" "Dinner, just the two of you." "You can make your special chicken." "My special chicken?" "What?" "Vanessa, what is going on?" "Nothing." "Uh-huh." "I need a refill." "Okay, but you have to promise me you won't say anything, because this officially makes me the worst roommate ever." "Just tell me." "Olivia's freaking out about meeting your parents." "What?" "I..." "I talked to her, like, two hours ago, and she said she was looking forward to it." "I guess she changed her mind or doesn't want to hurt your feelings." "She just feels that it's way, way too soon." "Yeah." "You know, I knew..." "I knew this was gonna happen." "Really?" "I mean, yeah, of course." "And I know this is my fault, but tell her you want to have a great night, just the two of you." "And make my special chicken?" "Hey, Abrams, thank you for, uh, the heads-up." "What are friends for?" "Trip queens." "It just..." "it doesn't feel right, you know, taking a beautiful woman's money." "I'm getting crushed here." "Hey, don't worry." "P.J.'s on tilt." "This is where you hook him." "Archibald, you want to call it a night?" "I can spot you cab fare." "Just get him to bet Carter and remember the tells." "Actually, P.J., we're gonna buy back in." "But we're upping the stakes." "What are you thinking of playing for?" "Yeah, not likely." "How about Carter Baizen?" "I get it." "You're... you're Carter's girl." "Well, bad news, sweetheart," "Carter's debt is a lot more than you're showing." "You know, can we get some, uh, some privacy?" "I tell you what." "You bet Carter, and I'll bet... a photo of Tripp Van Der Bilt... from the night of his bachelor party." "Your family will kill you." "That'll cost Tripp the election." "Like I said, don't lose." "Let's play some cards." "I'm sorry to cancel on you like this, Mr. Ellis." "You have a backup speaker, right?" "Okay." "Good." "All right." "Uh, goodbye." "Everything okay?" "Um, Dan has decided to cook dinner for me instead of going out with his parents." "He probably just wants more one-on-one time." "I'll bet he has something special planned, like chicken." "Yeah." "Or something." "Yeah." "Um, I brought you this." "It's an anime goblin claw." "They are huge in Japan right now." "I just thought it was kind of funny." "Thanks." "I shouldn't be freaking out, right?" "I mean, I can meet his parents anytime." "Yeah." "Um, I'll be right back." "Okay." "Hi, Mr. Ellis." "No." "I'd still love to give the toast." "Thank you." "Tell Machiavelli I hope she enjoys my toast." "Vanessa's giving the toast again." "And she's got some big pink claw thing." "Well, I don't know about that." "However, phase one is complete." "But even with Olivia out of the way," "You still don't have the toast." "Oh, my goodness." "You're right." "Thank you, amalia." "When are you going to learn to have a little faith?" "Chuck, my love," "I was thinking, remember our game from the summer?" "Well, I have the perfect target already picked out." "So what's a sweet girl like you doing with a guy like Carter Baizen, hmm?" "You heard what happened to my sister, right?" "Heartbroken, 30 pounds fatter." "Bet." "$20,000." "All in." "You sure you want to play this hand for Carter?" "Fine." "I'll call." "Kings." "Aces." "You know, a picture really is worth a thousand words." "Or in this case, an election." "Nate, thanks for stopping by." "Uh-oh." "Looks like Carter's going down to Texas, and Tripp's career is going up in smoke." "Hey." "You made it." "Hey." "Rufus!" "Oh!" "Come here." "Would you let me look at you?" "Lay off the caffeine, huh?" "It's giving you wrinkles." "Ah." "I'm sorry Arlo couldn't make it." "He says hello." "He had to finish installing the solar panels on the chicken coop at the co-op." "We have been so busy organizing the local 72, the, uh, the union for the Burlington cheesemakers." "Aha." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Mom, this is Lily." "Oh, it is such a pleasure to finally meet Vanessa's mother." "Gabriela." "Oh, Rufus..." "we're not in Brooklyn anymore." "Uh, uh, I'm still moving in." "It's Lily's place." "Oh, it is both of our place." "Uh, mom, didn't you bring that for Lily?" "Oh, yes, I did." "Homemade strawberry rhubarb." "Thank you." "Oh." "Mmm." "Wow." "Well, you and your husband must be so proud of Vanessa." "Oh, yes." "Vanessa has always been a very thoughtful and driven young woman." "This school is the perfect fit for her." "Well..." "Here we go." "To be completely honest, my husband and I don't believe in private universities." "Knowledge should not be for sale." "Well... well... yes." "Oh." "Who's hungry?" "Lovely." "I must confess, I've missed our little game." "Though it appears your lady is late." "Actually, there she is now." "She's a guy." "Who took my speech at the freshman dinner and gave it to Vanessa Abrams." "He double-crossed me, and I..." "demand satisfaction." "You still up for it?" "Mm, my wonderful man." "I'll just go powder my nose for ten minutes?" "I only need five." "Can I help you?" "Oh, definitely." "I don't know if P.J. Is not as stupid as he looks, but, Nate, those tells were wrong." "What are you gonna do?" "Well, of course I had to tell my grandfather what happened." "I mean, I have completely destroyed" "Tripp's political career." "No." "No, Nate." "Let me talk to him." "Please." "He needs to know that you were trying to help me." "I appreciate that, but I'm not dragging you into this mess." "Oh, it's William right here." "Nate." "No." "Serena, I can handle it." "Hello, grandfather." "Ugh." "Is, uh, Nate Archibald in there?" "He's got a phone call..." "P.J. Buckley." "Okay." "Yeah." "I'll tell him." "Thank you." "P.J. thinks he won the picture." "Yeah, I have the real one." "I mean, I feel bad about lying to Serena, but it worked." "Okay." "Gabriela, this strawberry rhubarb jam to die for." "Thank you." "It's the agave." "I refuse to use sugar." "Mm-hmm." "Oh, Rufus, will we be seeing Daniel at the dinner?" "I had hoped so, but unfortunately not." "He has a date tonight." "With Vanessa's roommate, Olivia Burke." "Didn't she tell you?" "Lily." "She is a very famous actress." "I'm afraid I don't worship at the altar of shallow Hollywood celebrities." "Oh." "But apparently your school does." "Mom, can you not do this right now?" "Honey, these institutions are businesses first." "I mean, was this girl even qualified to enter... or was it purely a publicity stunt?" "Well, that's my shallow Hollywood roommate... and also one of the nicest, smartest people" "I've met at college." "Excuse me." "Hey." "How is your date?" "Great." "Dan's making Indian chicken." "Moroccan, actually." "Oh." "Uh, look, I know I shouldn't be asking you this." "I was just wondering," "Why did dan change his mind about me meeting his parents?" "I must have done something to scare him off." "You can tell me the truth." "I promise." "No, you didn't do anything." "Well, I must have." "You know what?" "I'm just gonna ask him." "No!" "Look, Dan's parents are just really judgmental, and they're always going on about celebrities and the dumbing down of culture." "So he's worried his parents will think I'm some shallow Hollywood pinhead?" "No..." "like Dan's embarrassed to introduce me to them?" "Olivia, Dan just wants to protect you from them." "You know what, Vanessa?" "You don't need to make excuses for him, okay?" "I get it." "I gotta go." "So where do you get your hair cut?" "Oh, uh, Trumper's, off Piccadilly." "Tut, tut." "I'm not that kind of girl." "Do you have a boyfriend?" "Not exactly." "Wait." "What for?" "Ah." "What the..." "Mr. Ellis." "Blair Waldorf." "Oh, lord." "I..." "I have to go." "Don't you run away from me." "Hey!" "Have you no sense of decency?" "Well, you got your kiss." "Number 27 on the Tribeca scavenger hunt..." "Kiss the Chuck Bass." "Check." "I expect more from a representative of a college!" "And the toast?" "Oh, a deal's a deal." "It's all yours." "I should call Vanessa, break the bad news." "Allow me." "We're rivals, but friends at heart." "Until tonight." "Out, you cable-knit queen!" "You were late." "I got caught in a text flurry with Dorota." "I'm sorry." "I have to get uptown for a dinner." "I assume you're skipping the parents' thing?" "I may pop in... for Vanessa's toast, just for laughs." "Are you upset because you kissed a guy?" "I'm upset because I kissed somebody that wasn't you." "You really think I've never kissed a guy before?" "Love me?" "Always." "Oh, well." "I tried." "Hi." "Guess I should, uh, work on keeping my opinions to myself." "You think?" "I just wanted to say, tonight I will promise to keep an open mind about your school, about everything." "When you hear my toast," "I think you'll understand why this is the right place for me." "Okay." "Come here." "I hope." "So what do you think about going out to eat tonight?" "Or we could just go to the parents' dinner." "Are you sure?" "I mean, my parents are... are gonna be there." "Well, then I better be on my best behavior." "Pick me up in an hour?" "Okay." "As for lonely boy," "I suspect tonight's going to be strictly a family affair... to remember." "I'll be right back." "I just have to find someone." "Don't you just adore the national arts club?" "Ahh." "It's so "age of innocence."" "Are you looking for Mr. Ellis?" "Because he asked me to give you a message." "Now what was it?" "Oh, you're not giving the toast," "I am, and there's nothing you can do about it." "What are you talking about?" "I won, like always." "Please... don't do this." "Oh, my God." "Are you begging?" "My mom is here, and you have no idea what this speech means for me." "Please." "You're embarrassing yourself even more than usual." "When will you learn?" "Some people are simply better than others." "Don't worry." "I'm sure they're gonna love you." "Uh-Huh." "So you think they're gonna want my autograph?" "I..." "I doubt it." "Dan, what are you doing here?" "Please." "Miss the freshman dinner?" "Dad, Lily, this is Olivia." "Rufus Humphrey." "Dan has told us so much about you." "Oh, that dress is beautiful." "I recognize it from the herve leger show." "Oh, yeah?" "Except it wasn't on the runway, so that's kind of impossible." "Max Azria's, like, one of my best friends." "He does me crazy favors." "Are you feeling okay?" "Totes." "So anyone famous here?" "I mean, besides me." "You there." "You're one of Blair's new minions, aren't you?" "You're Chuck Bass." "Blair said you weren't coming." "My dinner canceled." "The Emir had to fly home... something about a revolution." "Where is she?" "Probably getting ready for her toast." "Keep up, Bambi." "Blair's not giving the toast." "Uh, yes, she is." "Mr. Ellis promised if..." "Promised what?" "Nate." "Hey." "What are you doing here?" "Serena." "I heard you talking to your grandfather." "Why would you leak a fake photo?" "Are you trying to destroy Tripp's campaign?" "No." "That's gonna win Tripp the election." "What are you talking about?" "Once the Buckleys leak it, we'll release the real photo." "It's gonna look like the Buckleys planted the fake one." "People are finally gonna see them as the villains they really are." "And what happens to Carter?" "You... you just used him?" "Come on, Serena." "He proposed to P.J.'s sister to pay off his gambling debt." "Wake up." "The guy's hardly innocent." "But I am sorry I had to lie to you." "No, you're not, but you will be." "Manhattan, New York." "P.J. Buckley." "No, I'm doing the Mother Teresa movie." "Yes." "Yeah, Leo's playing my boyfriend." "I'm sure she'll be just a second." "Well, let's just meet at your pad in the Bu." "The Bu..." "the Bu is Malibu." "Oh, yes." "You know what?" "Just give us a moment, please." "Uh-Huh." "Oh!" "Wait." "I..." "I gotta go." "I love you, too, bitch." "What... what are you doing?" "What do you mean?" "You're referring to the Bu, you're calling your astrologer." "Since when do you even have an astrologer?" "I guess ever since" "I became another shallow Hollywood celebrity, you know, the kind that you are so afraid your parents wouldn't approve of?" "What are you talking about?" "Vanessa told me that's why you disinvited me." "Vanessa?" "I..." "I blew this dinner off because Vanessa told me that you were freaking out about meeting my parents." "What?" "I never said that." "Oh, my God." "The lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue." "The lips, the teeth, the tip... of the tongue." "Please tell me you're not coming here to grovel." "You really think you're that much better than me?" "Oh, I think we both know the answer to that." "Blair, I have to talk to you." "Not now." "Just listen." "Ithe one person who trusts me more than anyone." "Quiet!" "God, I've had just about enough of you." "Sophie, you're minion number one." "Amalia, you're number two." "So tell me once and for all, what makes you better than me?" "Do you really want to know?" "Yeah." "Everything." "Generations of breeding and wealth had to come together to produce me." "I have more in common with Marie Antoinette than with you." "And granted, you may be popular at some step-Ivy safety school, but the fact is, the rabble is still rabble, and they need a queen." "You stole the toast." "I was willing to do what was necessary, including lying to Chuck, the one person who trusts me more than anyone." "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to give my toast." "Actually, Blair..." "Congratulations." "You just did." "Oh, no." "Oh, no." "Sorry, ladies." "Les jeux sont faits." "Thanks for playing..." "each other." "I know I shouldn't have lied." "It's just when Mr. Ellis asked Olivia to give the toast instead of me..." "Wait." "You were the other girl?" "Wait a second, you were supposed to give the toast?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "I wanted to surprise you with this nice toast about being here with your parents, and... and then you disinvited me." "Well, I did that because you lied to me." "Why couldn't you just tell me you wanted to give the toast?" "I mean, I would have given it to you." "I know." "I let Blair convince me if I asked, you'd say no." "When I called and asked why Dan didn't want me to meet his family, you said it's because they looked down on Hollywood people like..." "And they probably do now, you know." "I mean, you were... you were pretty annoying." "I am so sorry." "I substituted my awful family for his amazing one." "I love Rufus and Lily, and I wish they were my parents." "Vanessa?" "I just want to wish you luck." "Mom." "Chuck?" "Chuck is gone." "But I need to talk to him." "I need to explain." "Blair, whatever you needed him to do, do you really think he would have refused you?" "No." "He'd never say no..." "to anything." "I messed up, didn't I?" "Yes." "Yes, you really did." "Lily, you're supposed to say," ""Everything is going to be fine."" "Where did you learn how to give a pep talk..." "Guantanamo?" "Blair, I understand a thing or two about ambitious women, but without trust, you're lost." "Let Chuck lick his wounds." "You can talk to him tomorrow." "Serena." "You came." "Mmm." "I'm sorry for all the things that I said to you at the wedding." "I deserved them." "Um, look, Serena, I'm leaving tomorrow." "No, you're not." "I settled your debt with the Buckleys." "What?" "How?" "It's a long story, but..." "I helped P.J. avoid a very public fiasco." "Nate probably hates me now, but it doesn't matter." "You can stay." "I didn't ask for you to save me." "I wanted to." "Serena, this was my debt to settle, not yours." "If that means I have to go work on..." "Work on an oil rig?" "Carter, I wasn't gonna allow that to happen." "You have nothing to prove to the Buckleys." "I wasn't proving it to them." "I was proving it to you, to myself." "I wanted to take responsibility for what I did." "I have to go." "No." "I saw the way you looked at me at the wedding, and I see the way that you're looking at me now." "I think I'd rather..." "have you hate me than feel sorry for me." "Please." "Mom." "Please." "I'm so sorry." "Vanessa, we are so hard on you because we want you to challenge yourself to be your own person." "Are we really wrong to..." "to question your decision to attend college here?" "I think it's time for you to consider who this place is turning you into." "Your parents hate me." "I hate me." "We'll just explain what happened." "You'll be fine." "Maybe she's different when they're alone." "Ahem." "Maybe she's totally different." "Ahem." "Oh, hey." "We missed you guys." "Yes, very much." "Oh, God." "Dan, was that Blair on the P.A.?" "She really should have run that speech past someone." "Uh, yeah, you know, I'll..." "I'll..." "I'll get to that, but, uh, before, when Olivia was," "I don't know, I guess she was being all Hollywood..." "Oh, what?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "Oh, my God." "I have to explain." "I'm so sorry." "Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for this year's freshman toast, and it's my honor to call upon Olivia Burke." "What?" "I was not expecting this." "Olivia, can I get a picture?" "Me, too." "Oh, sure." "Um..." "Nice try, ladies." "You came out swinging but never stood a chance against a Hollywood heavyweight." "Why did we do all this?" "You tell me." "Hi." "I'm Olivia Burke." "Okay, Dan, the humiliation has got to end." "It'll be fine this time." "I promise." "I hope." "Hey." "There you are." "Hi." "I'm Jenny." "It's nice to meet you." "I've heard a lot about you." "So, uh, do you really know Leo?" "Um, it was just a joke to lighten the mood." "Mr. and Mrs. Humphrey, I'm really sorry about yesterday." "Dan, already explained everything." "Let's talk toppings." "We have whipped cream, strawberries, chocolate chips." "And, uh, does anyone want coffee?" "Jenny, wait." "Um... my "welcome back, Kotter" mugs." "Yes, well, it wouldn't be our home without them." "Olivia, you get the, uh, Vinnie Barbarino." "You know, Travolta has, uh, a set of these." "He got really upset when I accidentally cracked his Freddie "boom-Boom" Washington." "I'm just kidding." "Hey, let's eat." "Oh, you weren't kidding, were you?" "No." "What do you want, Blair?" "Forgiveness." "I'm so sorry, Chuck." "I made a mistake." "I know there's no excuse, but... it was just a kiss." "The people you manipulate..." "I know how little respect you have for them." "But not you." "I don't feel that way about you." "And I won't ever do it again." "I promise." "It was a mistake." "I'm in a meeting." "Call you later?" "Hey, mom." "I'm at the place." "I ordered you a croissant." "Oh, honey, thank you, but I'm already on the road." "Oh." "Yeah, it's such a long drive, and I wanted to get an early..." "No, I get it." "And I can't leave your dad alone too long." "Yeah, t..." "tell dad I said hi." "I will." "Love you." "Me, too." "When it comes to family, we're all still children at heart." "Yes." "Hey." "No matter how old we get, we always need a place to call home." "Because without the people you love most... you can't help but feel all alone in the world." "Fortunately, misery loves company..." "Well, for now at least." "XOXO, Gossip Girl."