"Dan:" "Donovan McNabb was 14-for- 19 passing for a total of 163 yards and no touchdowns." "He also ran for 19 yards..." "Could the show be any stiff er tonight?" "It's pr etty stiff." "Yes, it is." " lt'll loosen up." "" " It can only loosen up, Jer emy, 'cause I don't think it's possible f or it to be any stiff er." "Stand by 55." "I thought last night was as bad as we could get, but it turns out we had unexplor ed potential f or stiff ness." "" " Go 55." "" " No, wait." "" " Go 55." "" " That's wrong." "" " Now!" "" " Damn it, Dave, get it together." "Stand by 56." "That's what we need -- we need the control room to f all apart, too." "That's just what the doctor order ed." "He's gotten in everyone's head." "Like a virus." "Or like a tiny electrode that's been surgically placed in the cer ebral cortex in the middle of the night by, like, I don't know, something f rom "Invasion of the Body Snatchers."" "Mor e like a virus." "See?" "I'm totally off my game." "" " He gets his way." "" " Yes." "No matter what, he seems to get his way." "He does seem to be in control." "After a week." "" " Eight days." "" " Who car es?" "It took me two years to figur e out how to run this show." "He comes in her e, he gets in our heads like a virus, or a whatever it is Jer emy said, and we'r e so stiff." "Hey." "Good evening." "Show seems a little stiff tonight, don't you think?" "Yes, I do." "Maybe even stiff er than last night." "" " I believe it is." "" " You know why?" "Because you'r e f r eaking everyone out." "" " Could be." "" " Stand by 57 and 58." "" " You know what I'd do if I wer e you?" "" " Kill myself?" "No." "I'd whisper in their ear." "I beg your pardon." "The two of you, whisper something in their ear." "What ar e you talking about?" "Men like the sound of a woman whispering in their ear." "They get playf ul." "Why don't we just get them a lap dance?" "No, we don't have that kind of time, but I like your thinking." "" " Listen -- " " Whisper in their ear." "I'm not whispering in their ear," "Natalie's not whispering in their ear." "If you want, I " "[ Snaps fingers ] Kim's not whispering in their ear." "You've gotten everything you've wanted." "We've been totally cooperative, but I'm af raid f rom 11:00 to 12:00 this is my show." "And I'll deal with things the way I deal with things." "Okay." "We'r e in commercial." "Dave:" "Two minutes back." "Ex cuse me." "" " I believe we'r e about to get a pep talk." "" " Yeah." "I've seen brighter perf ormances by inmates." "" " You mind telling me what the hell's going on?" "" " We'r e just " "I don't want to hear about it." "This show's supposed to be f un." "You guys sound like you'r e giving stock quotes." "" " Is ther e a r eason I'm not awar e of?" "" " We think we should be " "Don't give me your ex cuses." "We've got 18 minutes of show left." "What I'd like is you guys to start earning your money." "Do you have anything you'd like to say?" "" " Yeah." "" " Good." "[ Footsteps depart ]" " [ Clears throat ] " " Donna seems pr etty mad." "Dana." "Huh?" "Her name's Dana, not Donna." "" " Is that right?" "" " Yes." "Dana's a better name." "I'm sur e she appr eciates that." "You know what I think?" "I think my pr esence in the studio and in the control room is intimidating people." "I think it's pr eventing you f rom doing your best work." "So I'm gonna watch the r est of the show in the newsroom." "I'm sur e Dana will appr eciate that, too." "See?" "He's weakening." "He doesn't always get his way." "[ Chuckles ]" "Did he just take our script?" "We just lost the TelePromp Ter." "" " What?" "" " We just lost the TelePromp Ter." "15 seconds back." "Dan, Casey, we lost the TelePromp Ter." "Work off your scripts." "Sam Donovan stole the script." "Well, then, no problem." "Natalie and I will..." "f eed you bullet points." "We'll whisper them in your ear." "Dave:" "In 3...2..." "Welcome back." "They'r e coming her e." "Natalie:" "When?" "8:00." "" " They want to give notes." "" " Yeah." "" " Dana..." "" " I know." "" " The wheels ar e coming off the wagon, Dana." "" " I know." "" " They want to come give notes?" "" " Yeah." "Just gather us up and give us some notes?" "They'r e very serious about it." "" " Who's coming -- J.J. and the boys?" "" " Yeah." "Good, 'cause they'r e qualified to tell us how to write and produce a television show, given their many years of experience neither writing nor producing television shows." "What do you want f rom me, Natalie?" "We work f or a network." "" " How did this happen?" "" " Look " "How did Sam Donovan happen?" "Why are we getting network notes?" "How did this place turn into a morgue so f ast?" "We ar e in third place, Natalie." "We ar e getting our asses kicked by ESPN and Fox." "Those guys have been around forever." "We're three years old." "We'r e still in third place." "Every show on this network's in third place." "It's a third-place network." "It doesn't mean we wer en't doing the show well." "Isaac had a stroke." "I know that." "So what?" "" " So I'm doing the best I can." "" " No one's blaming you." "Everyone's blaming me!" "And knowing me as you do, Natalie," "I thought you might consider cutting me a little slack!" "Natalie, if this keeps up, I gotta..." "[ Sighs ] ...look seriously at some off ers." "Really?" "I can work anywhere I want." "Who'd want to stay f or this?" "Well, you'r e not leaving me her e." "No." "You'r e taking me with you, Dana." "Of course." "I mean, I don't care if it's a station in Altoona -- you're taking me with you." "I'm taking you with me." "I'm taking you." "Jer emy has to come, too." "Fine." "And you're not gonna be happy unless Casey's there." "" " Casey can come." "" " Casey needs Dan." "[ Voice br eaking ] I know." "Nobody's blaming you, Dana." "We've got a rundown meeting." "That's what I like to see at the noon rundown -- some lively chatter, the place alive with energy and ideas." "Oh, the cr eative process." "" " Dana..." "" " Stow it." "Let's take car e of business." "[ Clears throat ] Ther e's a, uh, memo f rom building maintenance that one of the legs on the craft-service table is wobbly, and we should be car ef ul while getting ourselves f ood." "What?" "Ther e's a memo f rom building maintenance." "That one of the legs on the craft-service table is wobbly?" "Yeah." "[ Laughs ]" "[ Laughter ]" "" " Hey..." " [ Laughter stops ] ...the show's important, but first things first -- ther e ar e bagels on that table." "[ Laughter r esumes ]" "[ Silence ]" "J.J. and some people f rom the network" "" " I knew it." " want to meet with us at 8:00." "They want to give us some notes." "" " Damn it." "" " Danny..." "" " The network wants to give us notes?" "" " Yeah." "" " I thought we wer e finished with that." "" " Apparently not." "" " And may I ask what -- " " No." "May I ask what you'r e doing about this?" "I'm having them arr ested, Danny." "I'm telling their par ents." "I'm telling the teacher." "I'm gonna go to my room and lock the door." "I'd accept any of those bef or e I'd believe you'd just let these people in." "" " I'm doing the best I can." "" " And the f act that might be true absolutely terrifies me, Dana." "" " Danny." "" " You've become a malcontent, Danny." "You've become a secr etary, Dana." "Let's do this later." "" " It's okay." "We -- " " This meeting's over." "That's nice, man." "We'r e in trouble." "I know." "[ Knock on door ]" "Who is it?" "" " I have gifts f or you." "" " That wasn't necessary." "I think it was." "You once took a trip to Napa and you visited a small vineyard ther e." "You told me you tried some wine that you loved, and you could never find it anywher e." "I thought I r emember ed the name, but I wasn't sur e." "Is this it?" "Yes." "Good." "I always like wine and cheese." "I know." "I wanted to get you some cheese." "Ther e's a gr eat cheese place over on Second Avenue." "I went over ther e after I got the wine, but it's gone." "Ther e's a hardwar e stor e ther e now." "That's okay." "I got you some Spackle." "[ Both laugh ]" "Thank you." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, too." "[ Knock on door ]" "" " Hey." "" " Hey." "Everything all right?" "I'm looking at tape." "I'll see you later." "You got some wine." "[ Chuckles ] And some Spackle." "You needed Spackle?" "No, but, you know, it's always good to have around." "" " How you f eeling'?" "" " Terrible." "I've got an idea." "" " What?" "" " You'r e gonna say it's against the rules," " but I think it's a r eally good idea." "" " What?" "Let's go on a date tonight." "I think that's a gr eat idea." "But?" "It's against the rules." "Yeah, yeah." "Maybe today's not the best day to talk about it." "No." "Thanks." "Hey, is ther e anything I can do f or you?" "You could stay cool during the notes meeting." "" " Keep Danny in his chair, too." "" " Yeah." "We gotta r emember it wasn't the network that brought in Sam Donovan -- it was Isaac," " and that makes it a little mor e..." "" " Yeah." "Thanks." "So, I was, uh, talking with Danny about the dating plan." "And he thinks you should be psyched?" "Yeah, yeah, I mean, which I thought was crazy, but, you know, maybe I'm the one who's crazy." "Casey, I want you to date other women." "I don't want you to enjoy it." "Ah." "You see?" "Not r eally." "You know, maybe you could explain it better to me if we had a date tonight." "I want us to have a r eal chance." "I understand." "Do you?" "No, but what choice do I have?" "Tsk." " [ Sighs ] " " None." "I didn't think so." "You'll stay quiet with the network?" "Yeah." "" " And Danny, too?" "" " Yeah." "Thanks." "[ Knock on door ]" "J.J., you know Sam Donovan?" "Oh, we haven't met." "It's a pleasur e." "" " Hi." "" " This is Ray Mitchel," "Dir ector of Program Development..." "" " Hi." "" " Hi." "...and Billie Tasker," "" " Hi." "" " Hi." "Isaac, we know you'r e busy, so we'll cut to the chase." ""Sports Night"'s been underachieving." "It's not an exaggeration to say at this point that the network's concern is extreme." "Now, Ray and Billie have been writing memos and sending notes to your staff f or a year, and they have f allen on deaf ears." "It is simply time f or us to step in." "I'm sorry you f eel that way." "Ex cuse me?" "I said I'm sorry you f eel that way, that the notes have f allen on deaf ears." "I've always f elt that they wer e given their due consideration." "They wer en't." "You mean because we didn't take them?" "Just because we didn't ex ecute all the network's suggestions doesn't mean we wer en't listening." "It just means we didn't agr ee." "You didn't expect me to substitute your judgment f or mine, did you, J.J.?" "" " Not then, no." "" " But now." "Yes." "Will it keep everyone her e f rom losing their jobs?" "I don't understand." "If I allow you three to go in there and mess with my show, will it keep my staff f rom losing their jobs?" "I can't make promises." "" " J.J.?" "" " Yeah?" "I've never liked you." "I know." "We'r e done." "Sam, can we see you a second outside?" "[ Door opens ]" "It doesn't seem like he's r ecovering as f ast as we hoped." "" " Really?" "" " Yeah." "You guys want to ex ert mor e control over the show, right?" "Yeah." "Then it seems like he's r ecovering exactly as f ast as you'd hoped." "I think our point was that he's no longer able to do the show." "To tell you the truth, it's not clear that he was ever able to do the job." "He was a bit of a sentimental choice " "What we'r e saying is that you seem to be able to ex ert some authority around her e." "And we like the idea of a mor e sales-oriented ex ecutive at the top of the pyramid." "So we wer e hoping when things settle down her e that you'd consider sitting down and talking to Luther Sachs about making it permanent." "Was ther e anything else?" "No." "Okay." "Okay." "Gr eat." "Good to meet you." "[ Door closes ]" "This is my f avorite time of day and my f avorite time of year in New York." "Mine too." "Did they off er you my job?" "No." "They were talking to me about some numbers" "I'd put together on the Midwest." "A small market team " "Don't lie to me, Sam." "They off er ed me your job." "[ Chuckles ] You should play ball with them, son." "You shouldn't mess them around." "You could have a big f utur e at this network." "I appr eciate the advice." "Don't brush me off." "I know you like being a gunslinger, bopping f rom job to job, but you'r e better than that, and you know it." "Also, you'r e a grown man now." "You don't have 30 cents in your pocket." "[ Both laugh ]" "Yeah. [ Chuckles ]" "Think about what I said." "You going to this meeting?" "No." "I'm gonna go sit in the control room and watch a color test." "You're the managing editor." "You'r e gonna sit in the control room and watch a color test?" "I f eel like doing something that has something to do with television." "Okay." "[ Door closes ]" "See, and that gets us back to the same thing we wer e talking about with note 22 on page 6." "It r eally all boils down to the same thing." "" " Well, not all -- " " No, not all." "But what we'r e saying, and I think I speak f or all of us..." "" " Yes." "" " That the problem's in the writing." "Now, when we say that, bear in mind that we're huge f ans of yours." "" " Yes...absolutely." "" " We appreciate the style, but you got to remember that not everyone is as smart as we are." "And we would like you guys to write the show more like, who?" "Keith and Kenny ar e a good example." "" " Yes." "" " Or Craig." "" " Yeah." "Now, we've been sending you the scripts, and we've been writing notes, and we've been talking to you till we're blue in the f ace -- " " They've been trying." "" " No, they haven't, Dana." "Yes, they have." "I'd like to continue this meeting in my office, please." "This isn't f air to the staff." "We find that when we give the notes to you, they don't make their way to the staff." "That's not true." "She always " "J.J., Dan and Casey ar e prof essional writers, they'r e not waiters in a r estaurant." "You can't tell them what you'd like and how you'd like it pr epar ed." "This show is bought and paid f or by my network, Dana." "That is exactly what I can do." "I'll ask you again -- please, let's have this meeting in my office." "And I am telling you we'r e past that." "J.J., I was hoping this meeting would go diff er ently." "I was pr epar ed to eat whatever I had to f or Isaac's sake." "And I asked the senior staff to do the same, which, by the way, is the only r eason why Dan, Casey, Jer emy, Elliott, Chris, Will, and Dave haven't beaten the crap out of you guys by now." "I've changed my mind!" "At this point, you have two choices -- fir e me or shut the hell up!" "Dana, sad to say that your attitude over these past three years combined with these totally unacceptable ratings make that a very easy choice." "Hang on." "" " Look " " What?" "Casey:" "Yeah..." "We can try harder." "Danny." "We can." "Nobody needs to lose their job over this." "We can try harder." "Let's get to the r est of the notes." "Get to the r est of the notes." "Turning to page " "Dana:" "Let's take five." "J.J.:" "Dana." "Please." "We'r e getting through these notes." "Do what you want, but f or five minutes you'll be talking to an empty room." "Let's take five." "Unbelievable." "I'm losing my patience f or this, J.J." "" " Hey." "" " Hey, Sam." "How's it going?" "It's going fine." "I'm sorry...is it Jim-Bob?" "J.J." "" " Really?" "" " Yeah." "" " I thought it was Jim-Bob." "" " No." "" " Take a walk with me, will you?" "" " Where?" "It's a surprise." "[ Indistinct voices, telephones ringing ]" "You guys know who Philo Farnsworth was?" "" " Philo Farnsworth?" "" " Yeah." "What's going on?" "He invented television." "I don't mean he invented television like Uncle Milty." "I mean he invented the television in a little house in Provo, Utah, at a time when the idea of transmitting moving pictur es through the air would be like me saying I figur ed out a way to beam us aboard the starship Enterprise." "" " Yeah, look, l-I -- " " He was a visionary." "He died broke and without f anf ar e." "The guy I r eally like, though, was his brother-in-law, Cliff Gardner." "He said, "Philo, I know everyone thinks you'r e crazy," ""but I want to be a part of this." ""I don't have your head f or science," ""so I'm not going to be able to help much" ""with the design and the mechanics of the invention, but it sounds like you'r e going to need glass tubes."" "" " J.J., l-I don't think -- " " You see, Philo was inventing the cathode r eceptor, and even though Cliff didn't know what that meant or how it worked, he'd seen Philo's drawing, and he knew that he was gonna need glass tubes." "And since television hadn't been invented yet, it's not like you could get them at the local TV r epair shop." ""I want to be a part of this," Cliff said." ""I don't have your head f or science." ""How would it be if I wer e to teach myself to be a glass blower?" ""And I could set up a little shop in the backyard." "And I could make all the tubes you'll need f or testing."" "Ther e ought to be Congr essional Medals f or people like that." "" " Maybe so -- " " I've looked over the notes you've been giving over the last year or so, and I have to say they exhibit an almost total lack of understanding of how to get the best f rom talented people." "Ex cuse me, but " "You said bef or e that f or whatever r eason," "I seem to be able to ex ert some authority around here." "I assur e you it's not 'cause they like me." "It's 'cause they knew two minutes after I walked in the door" "I'm someone who knows how to do something." "I can help." "I can make glass tubes." "That's what they need." "One last thing -- the first and last decision-making authority on this show will r est with Isaac Jaff ee until Isaac Jaff ee says otherwise, and if you disr espect him in my pr esence again," "I will r ededicate the r est of my lif e to ruining the r est of yours." "And if you think I'm just mouthing at you, you should ask around about me." "I have absolutely no conscience about these things." "Sam, why did you bring us out her e?" "Because ther e's the exit." "That's it." "The meeting's over." "Isaac:" "You're a lunatic, you know that?" "You wer e watching?" "The color test." "Yeah, well..." "You should have said it in f ront of them." "It's not what I do." "Okay." "What happened to these people?" "Someone want to go look f or them?" "" " Wher e's J.J.?" "" " They're gone." "I don't have to like you." "You don't have to like me." "I have two priorities." "The first is getting f rom the beginning of the day to the end of the day without having a drink." "The second is raising this show's ratings to the point wher e it's no longer in danger of what almost happened her e today." "Trust me." "I won't make f ools out of you." "Well..." "let's go do the show." "On the next "Sports Night"..." "" " Hello!" "" " Ah!" "Why ar e you r eading my mail?" "Since when have you been corr esponding with my sister?" "Do you know what this week's Internet-poll question is?" "Who's cooler " " Dan or Casey?" "You'r e winning -- 153 to 6." "I want to bury him." "" " I could get in trouble." "" " This is what men do, Jer emy." "Ther e's such a thing as team morale." "Not that big on morale." "" " Not as crazy as Dana coming back f rom dinner without her panties." "" " What?" "" " Hmm?"