"Previously on Childrens Hospital:" " Welcome." " To." " A new." " Episode." " Of." " Childrens Hospital." "Nothing." "To." "Set." "Up." "This." "Week." "Because." "This is." "A. Stand." "Alone." "Episode." " Enjoy." " Oh!" "Rules." "Rules are the boundaries between order and chaos." "But as the saying goes, "Rules were meant to be broken"." "For instance, "Don't poop where you eat"." "Shouldn't you be able to poop wherever you want?" "Paperwork can suck my big, black..." "Richard Gere is in a new movie." "It's called, My Big Black ****." " Ah." " This came for you, Dr. Spratt." "I'm not waiting on organs." "Sure it's for me?" "Yup, "Deliver to Lola Spratt"." " Thanks, Dori." " No problem." "Hey, Glenn, nice haircut." "Did Fall Out Boy throw up on your head?" "Wait." "Fall Out Boy called and they want their haircut back." "Ha-ha." "Nailed it." "Attention." "Will the owner of the red jeep with the spoiler and 18-inch rims please stop lying to himself?" "Hey, Glenn." " Oh, hey." " Nice hair." " Thanks." " Fall Out Boy is my favorite band." "I think I remember you mentioning that yesterday before I went to the hair salon." " Weird." " What is with the big beige scrubs?" "Oh." "I only wear these when my regular ones are at the cleaners." "These were my fat scrubs." " You were fat?" " Mm-hm." "But you're so smart." " That's me two years ago." " Wow." " I know." " It doesn't look like you." " Tell me about it." " Wow." "You're way sexier now." "Oh." "Heh-heh." "Well..." "I guess I'll..." "I'll see you later, alligator." "Ha-ha." "Not if I "see you later alligator" first, crocodile." "Enjoying the coffee?" "Oh." "You're the best, Sy." "Thanks." "I'm so happy you're bouncing by." "Hey, sexy, give me some sugar." "Love that coffee machine, Sy." "My, God." "When you do that I can't breathe." "I just got a call from corporate." "I have to rip $3,000 right out of budget." "I have to get rid of the coffee maker." " Sy." " Great coffee, Sy." "People started liking you when you got that coffee maker." " If you have to save money, fire a doctor." " A doctor?" "Who?" " Who cares?" " No, no, no." "I'll just keep watch and watch carefully, which doctor is least good at her job." "Hey, have you seen Glenn's haircut?" "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Glenn's haircut." "Glenn's haircut who?" "Fall Out Boy, that's who." "Ha-ha." " Nailed it." " I love Fall Out Boy." "Oh, my God." "He did it to impress you." " He likes you." " You think?" " Yeah." " Yeah." " What is that?" " Oh, I don't know." "I think I'm supposed to put it into someone." "Well, see you later alligator." "You're an alligator." "Uh-oh." "You looked at your coffee and then you looked at Lola." "You wanna fire Lola so you can keep the coffee machine." "There you are." "I'm not gonna beat around the brisket." "What say you and me get a drink sometime?" " Like, on a date?" " Yeah." "Like on a date." "Unless you don't date Jews." " Oh, I date cool Jews." " Uh-huh." "Somebody call my name?" "Jewy McJewjew." "Glenn, that's so rude." "It's Rabbi Jewy McJewjew now, Glenn." "You guys know each other?" "Glenn Richie, my old Hebrew school pal." "Pal?" "Hardly." "You steal my girlfriends, leave them broken." " I have no idea what you mean." " What are you doing here?" "I'm the new hospital chaplain." "I love Charlie Chaplin." "It's a little different than that." "Well, it was really nice meeting you Rabbi McJewjew." "I'll see you around." "See you around, alligator." "Hey, you stay away from her, Jewy." "Look Glenn, what's past is past, but I've fallen hard for this girl and I'm not gonna let her go because you like her too." "It's not personal." "Now tell me, who cut your hair?" "Was it Pete Wentz, the lead singer of Fall Out Boy?" "Nailed it." "You're guilty of having the best damn coffee within a 10 mile radius." "Detective Chance Briggs." "You dirty SOB!" "What's my old partner doing here?" "Well, I just downloaded this third party coffee app on my Motorola clamshell." "Tells you where to find the best bean juice." "We do have fantastic coffee." "Hey, when was the last time you had your prostate checked?" " Don't have time for that." " Um..." "Do you have time for cancer?" " Get in here." " No." "You get in here." " I will." " Ha-ha-ha." "Attention, notice taken of something or someone the regarding of something as important or significant." "From the Latin Atandari." " Rabbi?" " Oh." " Attention." " Sy, hello, what's on your mind?" " You look troubled." " I need to talk to you." "Yeah." "I'm listening, Sy." "You talk." "I can't decide between getting rid of Lola and getting rid of the coffeemaker." "Well, you know, in Talmudic times Rabbi Hillel was faced with a similar dilemma." "And in his infinite wisdom, he decided to put a donation cup next to the coffee machine." "Within a few months, the coffee machine had paid for itself." "Well, it's not that simple, Rabbi." "If I charge them, they're going to hate me." "I just got them to like me." " I want them to like me." " Yeah." "When I was younger, my father was in the Army and I had to go to a German elementary school." "Since that time, I can't decide between what's right and being liked." "I can see that with soldiers taking the kid and all that business and, yeah." "Okay, Sy, let's circle back with you on that a little bit later and get that worked out for you." " Will you think about it?" " Sure, we'll..." " Hi." " Hi." "So the prettiest shiksa in all of Brazil." "I'm sure you say that to all the goyzas." "Right." "So what can I do for you, Valerie?" "I need you to hear my confession." "Well, that is definitely something a rabbi can do." "Why don't you sit here with me and I'll receive your confession." "Forgive me rabbi, for I have sinned." "See I have this friend." "Okay, let's stop there Valerie, there is no friend." "Let's be honest." "This friend is you and you're talking about some kind of sexual tension." " Now wait a second." " What?" " Rabbis can't have sex?" " On the contrary, rabbis are forbidden to abstain from sex." "To procreate is our duty to the race." "Then procreate me." "Except for the period of Chamonesh which is the 12 days where I am forbidden to partake in the carnal desires." "However, it does end at sundown tonight." "Well, then I guess I'll see you later, alligator." "Ooh-la-la." "I love it when a man can speak a little French." " I only have two hours." "Sy, Sy." " Hmm?" "Hmm?" " I need to learn French." "Do you know any?" " No." " But I can teach you some German." " Fine." "Any romance language will do." "Okay." "You are gonna feel a little bit of pressure here." "Okay." "Heh-heh." "This reminds me of that drug bust back in Queens." "Do you remember?" "Hey, hey, hey." "You two." "You sure you're not cops?" " What are you talking about, ése?" " Are you loco?" "We're Puerto Rican gang members like you." "Hey, amigo, you wanna go to Chipotle after this?" "How does that remind you of this?" "Oh, it's relevant." "I promise." "You just keep remembering." "Okay, if you two ain't cops then I want you to give him a prostate exam." "Right now." "I still don't see how that proved we weren't cops." "I have gotta figure out what kind of organ this is." "That's not an organ." "That's a pork shoulder." "Pork shoulder?" "Why would someone send me pork shoulder, I'm Muslim." ""Deliver to Lola Spratt"." "Wait a second." "Turn that label upside down." "Damn it McJewjew." "Valerie!" "Glenn." "What are you doing?" "This is highly offensive, Glenn." "As offensive as this, Jewy?" "Pork?" " Rabbis don't eat pork." " Heh-heh." "Jewy, is this your pork?" "Is this your pork, Jewy?" "I know it looks kind of like..." "Er, uh..." "You see..." "Ooh." "Maybe the rules are there to protect us after all." " It's better you found out now." " It just hurts so bad." "I know." " Maybe we can get that drink now." " Oh, Glenn." "I'm done with Jews." "Besides, we work together." "Oh." ""Don't poop where you eat"." "It's a metaphor." "Ha-ha-ha." "You still got the touch." " Great to see you, buddy." " You, too." "By the way, you do have butt cancer." "If you don't seek treatment, you're gonna die soon." "Some for you." "Some for you." "Some for you and something for you." "You're fired Dr. Spratt." "Because I'd rather be liked than right." "Hey, listen up everybody." "Say goodbye to Mr. Nice Guy." "Say hello to Mr. Coffee." "So Sy resolved his dilemma." "A reference to the product, perfect." "By firing Lola, he could afford to keep the coffee machine." "You could say he bought his popularity for the small price of his soul." "I guess rules are just suggestions like it's not literally about pooping where you eat." "Sometimes when you're hungry and you have to take a dump you gotta do what you gotta do." "Man, those Puerto Ricans can cook." "Attention, 30 days in the cooler, Hogan!" "Give him a prostate exam, and give it right now." "Give him a prostate exam, and give it right now."