"(GOSPEL MUSIC PLAYING)" "WOMAN:" "Yes, sir!" "(CHOIR WHOOPING)" "Say it now!" "WADE:" "I'm gonna teach this." "WOMAN:" "All right, now." "Teach it and preach it, brother!" "WADE:" "There comes a time..." "WOMAN:" "Mmm-hmm." "Amen." "WADE:" "...in everyone's life when you have to express yourself." "WOMAN:" "Mmm-hmm." "Holding feelings inside makes us do strange things." "Can I get a witness?" "Now, Jimmy over there has shared with the group." "And that's good." "Nothing to be ashamed of here." "WOMAN:" "Yes, sir." "That's right." "It can happen to anybody." "No judgment over here." "(CHILDREN GIGGLING)" "Have I peed on myself before?" "Hell, yeah, children!" "(CHILDREN GIGGLING)" "Was it an accident?" "Yes." "Okay, sometimes I did it on purpose, but that's what we're getting to." "We're learning you don't have to pee on something." "You can use your words." "Your words have power." "More power than your pee." "You've got to speak it, don't leak it." "That's what this song is telling you." "Speak it, don't leak it." "¶ Get up and dance!" "You totally can" "¶ Speak it, don't leak it" "¶ Don't keep your feelings secret" "¶ Say it, don't spray it" "¶ That's how the big kids play it" "¶ Don't you repress it now" "¶ Express yourself" "¶ So if you're thinking about that number oe" "¶ There ain't no curing' in that urine" "¶ Speak it, don't leak it" "(VOCALIZING)" "(CHILDREN CHEERING)" "Ha ha!" "Hey!" "Grace Peeples." "How are you?" "Baby, I'm good." "Did you try Leak It?" "Yeah." "And?" "They loved it." "Agh!" "Honey, you're like the Kid Whisperer." "Right?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Their little hands were clapping." "Mmm." "You're amazing." "Thank you." "They're so lucky to have you." "Mmm." "Do you want a snack?" "You're the best, babe." "No." "I... (GROANS)" "What?" "Babe." "I had plans for us this weekend." "I bought a new suit." "I was gonna give you some Ebony Elegance." "No." "We have been through this." "This is a non-negotiable with Daddy." "It's Moby Dick Day." "I have to go." "Okay, you know how crazy that sounds, right?" "Yes." "But it's the whole town." "We all get together." "We recite from the novel." "We bless the fishermen." "It's a whole thing." "So if it's Big Dick Day, why aren't I going?" "Shouldn't I be there?" "I didn't say it was big." "So it's Little Dick Day." "You're going all the way out there for little..." "Okay." "You have to stop." "I'm telling you, you would not like it." "It's boring, it's cold, it's..." "Grace!" "It's been a year." "It's time I met your folks." "You get that little eyebrow thing when you're mad at me." "It's very cute." "No." "No." "Stop." "And it makes you very much delicious." "No." "I'm not making sweet precious love to you until you share the Chocolate Kennedys." "We are not the Chocolate Kennedys." "I don't like it when you say that, Wade!" "This is about your dad." "What about him?" "You empower him." "No, I confer." "I confer with him." "He's a Federal judge." "(SCOFFS) You're a lawyer with the United Nations." "But you need a permission slip signed by Daddy so I can be your man." "(CHUCKLING) Oh!" "Peanuts!" "Ah!" "What?" "Peanuts!" "No, no, no." "How are you gonna use the safe word?" "I can't come against the safe word." "You agreed to the safe word." ""Peanuts" means end of discussion." "Yes?" "But we talked..." "De-ba-ta." "Hmph." "Fine." "Go on." "Be with your Peeples." "I got peoples, too." "Wade?" "What?" "I will be back before you know it." "Mmm-hmm." "And do you know why?" "Because I love you." "Wanna take me to the jitney?" "Sure." "Doctor, how is Amanda?" "Unfortunately, Amanda suffered quite a lot of damage." "I'm gonna need to keep her for about a week." "Agh!" "I hate this part of my job." "Here's my card." "Call me if you need anything." "(SIGHS) That's so generous of you." "I know." "Hello." "Let's prep Amanda for surgery." "Nurse." "Don't take my baby!" "Agh!" "Son of a..." "Fix her!" "(GRUNTS ANGRILY)" "Good thing you're in the hospital." "What are you doing here?" "Ah." "Just came, you know, hang out, see what you want to do this weekend." "Hang out?" "What about Grace?" "Thought Saturday was the big proposal day." "(GROANS) She's away at Sag Harbor with her family." "Without you?" "Yeah." "You know, no big deal." "Whatever." "So what are you supposed to do this weekend, just sit there looking stupid with Grandma's ring sitting in your pocket?" "How did you know it was in my pocket?" "Because it's been there for the last three months." "Look, I love Grace." "You know I love Grace." "But this is some highly suspect shit!" "Why is everything about betrayal with you?" "You know what?" "You never got over seeing Mom in bed with Mr. Andy." "Don't talk about Mr. Andy." "Okay?" "I had to watch my troop leader doing very unspeakable acts while wearing my merit sash." "That's not right." "Look, answer me this." "What are you supposed to do?" "I don't know, man." "All right." "You're gonna postpone your wedding proposal yet again, all for the sake of big dog Daddy." "I mean, the power distribution is way off." "I know!" "I know!" "I know!" "It's like she can't make a move without Daddy, you know?" "She puts him on some kind of pedestal." "On a freaking pedestal, man." "Look, you are just as good as him." "Mmm-hmm." "I mean, maybe not as good, because he's a Federal judge, and you sing songs about urine to minors, but people love you." "People do love me." "You're right." "Maybe I should just go out there." "Go!" "Meet the family." "Yeah." "They love me." "I love them." "Black love." "I pick the perfect time to propose in front of Daddy and everybody." "That's what's up." "Okay?" "That sets the tone." "Handle your business, big bro." "That's exactly what I'm gonna do." "Bro, but wait, man." "Can we talk, man?" "You can't just bring up Mr. Andy and then walk away." "That's just..." "There is no merit badge for what they were doing." "DRIVER:" "Watch your step, sir." "Here you go." "Hey, man!" "Taxi!" "I'm trying to get to Judge Peeples' house." "Can you take me?" "That's a private road." "The closest you're gonna get is on that." "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "Oh, God. (GROANS)" "Oh..." "(BELCHES)" "(DOG BARKS)" "Hello?" "(WORLD MUSIC PLAYING)" "(YELLING)" "What in God's name..." "Don't run or present your hindquarters to the dog." "You're gonna set off his instinct to mate." "(YELPS)" "Well, now you're having puppies." "WADE:" "Get this dog!" "Aaah!" "Please, somebody, help me!" "Help me!" "Just relax!" "He's getting to know you." "WADE:" "This dog is doing it to me!" "Banneker, off!" "I told you not to run." "WADE:" "Man!" "I was just trying to live." "We usually have him leashed when we're expecting visitors." "Are you okay?" "Well, this isn't exactly how I planned to meet you two, but I'm Wade." "(CHUCKLES)" "Hey." "Virgil Peeples." "Daphne Peeples." "Can we help you?" "I'm Wade." "Wade Walker." "I was hoping to surprise Grace." "You know our Gracie?" "Yeah." "(CHUCKLING) Grace and I have been..." "GRACE:" "(YELLING) Peanuts!" "Peanuts!" "Peanuts!" "Peanuts!" "Peanuts!" "Peanuts!" "Hi." "Hey." "Hey." "(CHUCKLES)" "This gentleman just washed ashore, and he says he knows you." "Yes." "This is Wade Walker, everybody." "Guilty." "Yeah, and he's my friend." "DAPHNE:" "Oh, how wonderful." "(CHUCKLES) Yeah." "And also, he and I, we see each other." "And we are..." "We are in a relationship." "(CHUCKLING)" "(ALL CHUCKLING)" "Awkward." "VIRGIL:" "Excuse me." "A relationship?" "GRACE:" "Yeah." "Dad, I'm sure I mentioned I was seeing a Wade." "No." "No, I don't remember that." "Yeah." "VIRGIL:" "I don't recall a relationship or a Wade." "I'd recall that." "Well, that's wonderful, and he's here now, and that's all that matters." "That is correct." "(CHUCKLES)" "What a surprise." "Right?" "I'm Gloria, Grace's sister." "Of course!" "I watch..." "We watch you all the time on CNN." "Cool." "This is my friend, Meg." "She's the reason you can watch me." "Hey, I'm the camerawoman." "(CHUCKLES) Wow." "Grace has told me so much about all of you." "Where's Simon?" "Simon!" "Grace..." "Additional trials on the Cybotic helmet prove that instrument can isolate thought commands, such as left, right, stop, go..." "GRACE:" "Simon!" "but can also pick up on emotional states, such as anger and anxiety." "GRACE:" "Simon!" "Will any of this help me to get laid?" "No." "Just a minute!" "What?" "This is my little brother, Simon." "I'm 16." "What's up, Si?" "SIMON:" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Okay." "Si." "All right." "Yeah!" "So, I guess we should get you settled." "He's staying?" "Last jitney's gone, Dad." "Be nice." "Well, there's several other options." "There's a bed and breakfast a couple of towns over." "Yeah, I could just get a hotel." "It's no problem." "No, no, no." "That's ridiculous." "Uh-oh." "(IMITATES WHIPPING)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Simon will come down to get your bags to take you over to the guesthouse." "Because that's where you're staying." "Grace knows good and well she didn't tell me about this." "DAPHNE:" "Honey, she can hear you." "Okay, let's see how you like it, hmm?" "Okay, very good." "Good." "Yup." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "(WHISPERING) Come on!" "Wow!" "Yeah." "That was interesting." "What?" "They have no idea who I am." "Who?" "Grace!" "Your mama, your daddy, your sister, your dog." "(SHUSHING)" "Hey!" "What's up?" "Hey, Si." "It's a pleasure, man." "Yeah." "Okay." "Yeah, I'll get this for you." "WADE:" "Oh, that's a grown sexy watch right there." "Nice." "You know." "(CHUCKLES)" "Thank you, Simon." "Yeah, whatever." "It's "Si."" "It's pretty obvious to me your father does not want me here, which messes up my whole plan." "What plan?" "What?" "Never mind." "Come here." "No, baby, look..." "Maybe I should just go." "No, no." "You can't go." "If you go, you'll forever be Wade the Quitter." "It's fine." "We can do this." "We're a team." "(SIGHS)" "(WHISPERING) Whoa." "Why are you acting like we're on some commando mission or something?" "This is just me meeting your family." "I know." "Look, I'm sorry." "I just want you to be comfortable." "Comfortable?" "You said this was a weekend beach house." "It is." "Listen to me, okay?" "These are some tips for dealing with Daddy." "Number one." "Don't assume every question is hostile." "Although most probably are." "Number two." "If he touches on a subject that is uncomfortable, don't look away." "Stay engaged." "Look him dead in his eye." "Just tell him exactly what he wants to hear." "Are you serious right now?" "Yes." "Okay, you know I believe in honesty." "I do, too." "Honey, all I'm saying is, think about maybe what he might want you to say, and then say that." "(CHUCKLES)" "You're gonna be great." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Oh, let me get that for you, Mr. Peeples." "Judge." "You have a beautiful home." "Thank you." "So, you live in the city, Wade?" "Yes." "Near Gracie's new place?" "Uh-huh." "Yeah." "Very close." "Very close." "DAPHNE:" "Oh, excellent." "You know, we were just there..." "When was it, Virgil?" "Last month?" "Really?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I think you were in class or..." "Oh, good for you." "You know, I say never ever stop learning. (CHUCKLES)" "My dream is to earn a doctorate in child psychology." "So you have a master's degree?" "No, no." "I play music at kids' parties, and I kind of fell into giving them advice." "Wade uses music to help kids express themselves." "He helps them solve emotional problems." "It's really amazing work." "So you're not even licensed?" "(CHUCKLES) No." "That's why I call it "kounseling" with a "K."" "Because the "K" looks different." "That's wonderful!" "Oh, Wade, I'd love to hear one of your songs." "Ah, no." "Mom, no, he just got here." "So don't..." "I'm sure he can handle it." "And I say "kan" with a "K."" "(ALL LAUGH)" "Good one, Mr. Peeples." "Judge." "Come on, Wade." "Impress us." "(CHUCKLING)" "All right." "Okay." "This is a little something." "It's not my best, but it's a song about teaching kids to express themselves rather than urinate on stuff." "Sounds timeless." "(WADE CLEARS THROAT)" "¶ Speak it, don't leak it" "¶ Don't keep your feelings secret" "¶ Say it, don't spray it" "You get it?" "Because you say it instead of spraying it." "You talk instead of urinating." "¶ That's how the big kids play it" "¶ Don't repress it, express it" "¶ It ain't no crime to confess it" "You're a judge." "You know it ain't no crime." "¶ And if you're thinking of that number one" "¶ There ain't no curing' in that urine" "¶ Speak it, don't leak it" "And that's it, just a little of that." "(APPLAUDING)" "It's really catchy." "Yo, yo, yo." "You want to pop this bottle of bub?" "That is not "bub," and what are you doing with that?" "It's Wade's." "You went through his stuff?" "Chill, Godzilla." "The bag was open." "It's quite all right." "It's actually..." "If I may." "I brought this for Daphne." "It's a thank you for welcoming me into your home." "Oh, Wade, you shouldn't have." "Oh, my God." "It's a '96 Chateau d'Yquem." "(CHUCKLES)" "That was a good year." "That was a very good year." "WADE:" "I'm so glad you like it." "I'm sorry, Mom." "He doesn't know." "Doesn't know what?" "She's in AA." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Uh, I'll take that, honey." "I got it." "I got it." "I got it." "Right. (LAUGHS)" "Okay." "The kids can have it with dinner." "It will be divine." "Speaking of dinner, it's time to pick up the lobsters." "GRACE:" "Yes." "Okay." "I've got the bikes all ready." "Unfortunately, Wade, we do not have a spare, so you can stay here and clean my dinghy." "No, no." "Honey, take my trike." "I'm gonna do a little gardening." "Gracie, help your father at the market." "Of course." "VIRGIL:" "Bringing alcohol up in my house." "SIMON:" "He doesn't know us like that." "(WHISPERING) You hid my stuff?" "No." "When they came, you hid it?" "No!" "I was wondering, because I got there, and nothing was in its place." "I was just organizing it." "You organized it right out of sight." "Let's go to the market." "Let's go." "Let's go to the market." "Let's go, Peeples!" "Think they got fresh lobsters in today." "Ah, I hope so." "WADE:" "You know, I noticed it looked like rain on my way in here." "What?" "GRACE:" "Uh, we don't say that." "It's sort of a family jinx thing." "We never say it's going to "you know,"" "because then it definitely will." "Sorry." "It doesn't look like rain." "I take it back." "You can't take it back, Wade, because it's already out there." "Raincoats, everyone." "No, no, no." "I take it back." "I stand by my reverse of the curse." "All right?" "It's not gonna rain." "Rain-jinxed the whole weekend." "These are beautiful." "Put them on ice for me." "You getting some dessert for us?" "GLORIA:" "Why not?" "MEG:" "Mmm-hmm." "Grace Peeples!" "(CHUCKLES) In the house!" "Skip." "Hi." "How are you?" "I'm fantastic." "Wow." "Oh, this is my boyfriend, Wade Walker." "Skip Snyder." "Nice to meet you." "VIRGIL:" "Uh, Grace?" "Yeah." "Will I see you at Moby Dick Day?" "Wouldn't miss it." "Okay." "Good." "I'll be right back, Wade." "You a friend of Virgil Peeples?" "No." "We dated." "You dated Virgil Peeples?" "No, of course not." "I was like, "I didn't know you got down like that."" "I dated Grace." "She was incredible." "So passionate." "Really hurt so good!" "(CHUCKLES)" "Virgil Peeples' daughter Grace?" "Yeah." "Little chocolate drop right over there." "Mmm mmm mmm!" "Hey!" "Martin!" "Hello." "Chump." "I took Grace from him, and he's still sour-graping." "(CHUCKLING)" "You're a lucky man." "Lord have mercy!" "I used to..." "Mmm mmm!" "You're blessed." "Bananas?" "Is it ripe enough for you?" "Okay." "WOMAN:" "Will I see you tonight?" "I'll be there." "And you're sure Daphne doesn't know?" "Doesn't have a clue." "Could be fun to include her." "You're kidding, right?" "You have to ease her into it, Virgil." "Let's just keep this between me and you." "Don't be such a tight-ass." "Pss-pss-pss." "I'll see you tonight." "(REGISTER BEEPING)" "CASHIER: $206.19." "Oh, shit." "I don't have any money." "What's the holdup?" "He doesn't have any money, Mrs. Davis." "Huh?" "He doesn't have any money!" "Oh, how sad." "The colored boy doesn't have any money." "I know Where's the Beef didn't just call me "a colored boy."" "That's a lot of walk-around money." "You've probably got Oprah dollars." "Keep the change, Wade." "It's not that I don't have money." "It's misplaced right now." "I don't know what happened to it." "It's probably on the..." "I could have left my wallet on the jitney." "Damn." "Well, they won't help themselves." "Hey, babe." "Hey." "So, Skip was interesting." "Yeah." "He's great, isn't he?" "So great." "He said the craziest thing, though." "What's that?" "He said that y'all two used to date." "Yeah." "That's right." "For real?" "Yeah." "Don't you think you should have said something to me?" "What..." "Do I know about every single woman that you've dated?" "No, you don't." "Okay." "But if I had dated Harriet Tubman," "I probably would have said something." "If I was texting Madam C.J. Walker." "Wade..." "Or Shirley Chisholm." "So this is about age?" "Yeah." "He is a brilliant doctor." "I'm sure he is." "He probably gave" "Adam and Eve their first physicals." "Wow!" "An ageist." "I thought you were more mature than that." "I should be more mature?" "Yeah." "Like Martin?" "Who told you about Martin?" "Oh, I met Uncle Ben and Bojangles up in there..." "Oh. (CHUCKLES) Wow." "at the National Black History Month Caucus." "It was all up in there." "All your little grandpa exes came dancing up out of the crypt." "GRACE:" "Enough." "Like Thriller." "(VOCALIZING)" "Got me on this damn bike like I'm three years old." "Who else you go out with, Grace?" "Benjamin Banneker?" "W.E.B. Du Bois?" "GRACE:" "Okay, Wade." "WADE:" "George Washington Carver?" "You and Booker T. was a thing?" "¶ "Let my people go"" "GRACE:" "Okay." "Run, chickens, run!" "Hey, what does that mean?" "It's a thing that we've done since we were kids." "Dad says, "Run, chickens, run,"" "and the first one to get home wins." "Wins what?" "Just wins, babe." "That's the point with Dad." "You should try to win." "Daddy likes a winner?" "Go!" "Go!" "Do it!" "I'm gone!" "Get him, babe!" "Watch out." "See y'all!" "Trying to impress Virgil." "Aren't we all?" "(HONKING HORN)" "Go, go, go, babe!" "I'll get you now, Mr. Peeples!" "(GROWLS)" "(PANTING)" "Hey, hey, yeah." "(GROANS) (THUNDER RUMBLING)" "Do you have a mop?" "Here's your tea." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Did I really cause the rain?" "Don't worry about it." "It's clearing up." "Mmm." "Oh, wow." "That's quite a headpiece." "Let me ask you, did you get that directly from outer space or was there a middle man?" "A Martian broker?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Come on, now." "It was the '70s." "Bowie was to blame for those outfits." "Ah, Bowie, okay." "Oh." "Are you Lady Divine?" "You heard of me?" "As young as you are?" "Heard of you?" "So Gone Sucka was my mama's break-up anthem." "Every time I heard that, I knew somebody was getting the ax." "Stop." "I love that." "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "Oh." "And y'all..." "You ladies were..." "What?" "Y'all were kind of nasty." "No." "That song Turn You On, shoot." "¶ Ooh ahh I'm gonna give you some!" "¶ Ooh ahh I'm loving your vibe!" "¶" "You know the words?" "Yes, yes." "Oh, wow." "Hah, do you miss it?" "I don't know." "It was a million years ago." "But it's such a big part of who you are." "Yeah." "Well, I guess you're right." "You know, I never would have guessed that my first album was my last, because singing was everything to me." "But with the kids and Virgil's career, it just became too much to balance, you know?" "But that's cool." "That's life." "Oh, my God." "Is this Virgil?" "DAPHNE:" "With his fine self." "(CHUCKLES)" "He put himself through law school playing clubs." "No, like Ashford  Simpson?" "Look here." "Look at my little Gracie." "She looks different." "Yeah." "That was before she got the boobies." "She what?" "You know." "You didn't know?" "Oh, baby, now I don't mean to get up in your business, but how did you not know?" "I mean, you don't..." "She doesn't..." "Yes, yes, I just..." "I don't..." "I don't know how I missed that." "Yeah." "I don't either." "You know, all the women in my family are quite buxom." "And Gloria over there, she got the family heirlooms, so to speak, and all the male attention when they were growing up." "Poor Grace." "Her being so competitive, she couldn't accept it." "So a couple of summers ago..." "Okay, you two." "Dinner's ready." "What?" "Nothing." "Mom, you look great in that blouse." "Thanks, honey. (CHUCKLES)" "GRACE:" "From where?" "I'm sorry, Wade." "I forgot to set a place for you." "WADE:" "Thank you." "GLORIA:" "Everything seems so pretty." "Enjoying the spread set before you, Wade?" "Wade, you are in for a treat." "Virgil has made his lobster risotto." "GRACE:" "Love Daddy's lobster risotto." "GLORIA:" "Daddy's best dish." "You're a chef, huh?" "It looks incredible." "Thank you." "I took up cooking and a couple of other hobbies to blow off steam." "Yeah, we had a real scare with Virgil last spring." "What happened?" "Heart attack." "No." "The only thing I thought about on that table was my family." "And when I opened my eyes, there she was, my little angel." "I love you, Grace." "I love you, Dad." "Sorry I was embedded in Iraq last year." "I suppose the world could have waited for those reports." "I love all my children." "Daddy has no favorites." "(SIGHS)" "You know, in my family at dinnertime, we like to go around the room and say something we love about each person." "Wade, that's a beautiful idea." "I'll start." "With Simon." "My sweet little Simon." "You know what I love?" "The way you always look out for others." "Whenever someone has lost their purse or their credit card, you always seem to be the one to find it." "(CHUCKLES)" "I love you." "I love you, too." "That was wonderful, Daphne." "Thank you." "Your turn, Si." "Well, I guess Wade." "I appreciate how you sensed my swag." "When you came in, you called me "Si."" "Thanks, man." "Yeah." "It's interesting, because Virgil knew" "I was gonna grow up to be a black man." "The odds were pretty strong at birth." "But somehow he managed to name me Simon." "Simon Latimer Peeples." "Lewis Latimer was a black man who helped" "Thomas Edison invent the lightbulb." "That's true." "But you can't use that up in the club, you know." "(CHUCKLING)" "Yes!" "What club?" "You know, dance club." "No, I don't know." "Okay, well, the point is you can just call me Si now." "Okay?" "Si." "Everybody get that?" "All right." "They got it, buddy." "Si." "I'd like to do Gloria." "(COUGHS)" "Wade, I'm glad you asked this." "I actually have something prepared." "¶ Gloria!" "(DOG HOWLING)" "Marvelous voice, Meg." "Thank you, Judge." "Gloria, Gloria, Gloria." "Gloria, I love it when we've had a long day on location, and we decide to have a nice dinner situation, and before I see you," "(SNIFFING DEEPLY)" "I smell that perfume." "The one from Morocco." "Thank you." "That's enough." "Back to you, Dad." "Shh, not done, not done." "And then you walk across the hotel lobby wearing that burgundy dress, the one with the back out." "Blow that back out!" "Back out." "And I can just barely see where the curve of your form..." "Dad's risotto is getting cold." "We should probably just dig in..." "No, no." "Continue, Meg." "Dad?" "I'm sorry." "Let's eat." "If I may?" "I just want to say how thankful I am to be here with you right now at this time in my life," "with Grace." "You raised a remarkable woman, and I learn from her every single day." "One of the things I learned is that no matter what, the universe provides all you need." "I think this is the perfect time." "Wade, you certainly are a man who believes in the universe providing." "Like today in the market." "Say what?" "What happened at the market?" "VIRGIL:" "Well, Wade didn't have any money." "But he had the faith to stand in line with only lint in his pockets." "Then I came along, and I paid." "So I guess that makes me the universe." "Right, Wade?" "Honorable Peeples..." "Judge." "What had happened was, see, I was there, and I didn't have my wallet." "Matter of fact, if you came two seconds earlier, you'd see me, I'm like, "Where did my wallet go?"" "I don't know what happened to it, but I was looking for it." "I don't know. (CHUCKLING) Maybe Si can help me find it." "What?" "Why are you flipping on me?" "I thought we were cool." "I'm not flipping on you." "You trying to say I stole your wallet?" "No, no, no." "Daphne said that..." "No, bro, you don't know me like that, all right?" "You can get that "clack clack" all day." "It's "click clack."" "Simon." "It's Si!" "You know, I got a perfect score on my math SAT!" "It was perfect." "Perfect?" "I got like a 250." "He's pretty smart." "But the essay..." "Ahhh." "Oh, who do I have to be now?" "Lewis Latimer and Langston Hughes?" "I got cred in the streets of Sag Harbor, Dad!" "Don't test me!" "Am I asking for too much?" "I had to be" "Thurgood Marshall and John Coltrane." "And I'm about to be Muhammad Ali up in here!" "SIMON:" "I break stuff, I go so hard." "Dad, Mom, it's out of control." "Well, honey, what can I say?" "He's my change of life baby." "I'm so exhausted." "Well, your little exercise really brought the family together." "Thank you, Wade." "GRACE:" "All right." "(SPEAKING SPANISH)" "As pleasant as this has all been, I really should get going." "No!" "Daddy picked his saxophone back up." "He's playing at The Lusty Sea Hag." "Well, we should all go." "No, no, no." "A Peeples never shows his hand to family until it's perfect." "You don't have to be perfect for family." "Yes, you do." "Yes, you do." "All right, good night." "Good night, Daddy." "Good night, Grace." "Good night, Mr. Peeples." "Good night, Wade." "You know, I think I'm gonna turn in." "Me, too." "If I can." "Oh, Mom, Wade has insomnia." "I know just the thing." "Daughter." "Told you." "Mom's into alternative medicine." "Now, you are gonna love this." "And I think I'm gonna join you." "Here you go." "You be a lifesaver." "Cheers." "It's all natural." "Everything I need is out in that garden out there." "This will take the edge off." "You know what?" "It smells like it's..." "No, no, I put together a very, very herbaceous mix." "Sleep tight." "(GIGGLES)" "Got it, little girl?" "Yup." "Good night, baby." "Good night." "Grace's dad is a little hard to connect with, but we'll figure it out." "I'm just trying to find the right time to propose." "Well, you know, just relax." "WADE:" "I'm relaxed." "Grace's mom gave me something." "Smells like weed." "Really?" "Good stuff?" "Rich people stuff?" "WADE:" "Ma Dukes was on the Soul Train." "Look, just talk to Dad one-on-one." "He went to this club to play music." "Oh, that's perfect." "Just go over there, listen to some music, have a couple of drinks, talk." "Like, you know, just two guys." "WADE:" "You're right." "We've got common ground." "We both love Grace." "I could show him the ring." "There you go." "He'll see how serious I am." "Perfect!" "CHRIS:" "Also find out how the other women look there." "Rich and fine like Grace, or rich and husky, like they sit on pillows eating turkey legs all day." "Hello?" "(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)" "BARTENDER:" "Here you go, Smokey." "Hey, when does Virgil Peeples go on?" "Judge Peeples?" "Yeah." "He's a judge, so why would he be playing here?" "I just thought..." "(SINGING LOUDLY)" "Excuse me." "Oh, God." "What are you doing here?" "Nothing." "WOMAN:" "This is a private beach." "My fault." "Okay." "Hmm." "You'd be a damn good humpback." "I could use a partner like you in the three-legged race." "Is that why they call this Sag Harbor?" "VIRGIL:" "Here comes the judge!" "Party time!" "Ahh!" "Court is in session!" "(LAUGHING)" "And I'm free!" "Yes." "I'm coming!" "(WHOOPS)" "All right!" "The gavel's coming down!" "WADE:" "Oh, oh." "God dang!" "Why I gotta see his balls?" "Get that out of your head!" "Get the man's balls out of your head, Wade!" "GLORIA:" "Pay up." "(LAUGHING)" "Did you see that shot?" "Thank you very much." "Hey, Wade." "Hey." "You want next?" "I've already taken all Meg's money." "Come on in, Wade." "It's your break." "You know, I think I'm just gonna go to the guesthouse and get some sleep." "Where you coming from?" "Getting some air." "You saw us at the market today, didn't you?" "Can we ever really trust what I see?" "I mean, really?" "No." "So, Gloria is supposed to come out to her family this weekend, but she's scared of Virgil." "So you seeing us is a problem." "I'm not scared, okay?" "I'm waiting for the right time." "There is a difference." "Please, Gloria." "What's the big deal?" "Everybody's gay." "Ellen's gay." "Ellen has an entire network of people who love her." "The Virgil Peeples Network is a lot different." "Virgil might be more open-minded than you think." "Well, once I'm sure that this isn't some phase, that I'm actually gay, then I'll come out." "Not before." "Okay." "You know what?" "You're a therapist, Wade." "Talk to her." "I just..." "I'm not technically a therapist." "I teach children about not peeing on their parents'..." "Wade, talk to her." "When you are having sex with someone, is that person of the same sex?" "Yes." "Ding." "When was the last time you met a person of the opposite sex and wanted to have sex with that person?" "Let me think." "Maybe their cologne or whatever turns you on." "Their nice manly chest muscles." "Penis." "Never." "Get to the part where you tell her she's gay, Wade." "Sexuality can be very ambiguous." "Many times, no one category can..." "Dude, just tell her." "You're gay." "Ding." "Oh!" "Thank God." "I was worried." "Oh." "What are you wearing?" "My Lincoln Prep uniform." "Like it?" "I found it in the attic." "It's cute." "(CHUCKLES)" "You could pretend to be more excited." "(SIGHS)" "I'm sorry, baby." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Just went for a walk." "I saw some things." "Then I was over at the house talking to Meg and Gloria about their "situation."" "What situation?" "You know." "You never thought they were..." "Hmm hmm hmm." "Oh, no, no." "(CHUCKLES) No." "Honey, they've been besties since rugby at Smith." "Rugby?" "Yeah." "Uh..." "Honey, hey." "Whoa." "Okay." "Honey, listen." "I know that we kind of got started in a rough way today, right?" "Mmm-hmm." "But I want to make an effort to not go to bed angry because you said that we're never allowed to go to bed angry." "I'm not angry." "No, but maybe you should be because I've been a really bad girl." "(GIGGLES)" "Grace." "What?" "No." "What is it?" "Don't I always tell you how sexy you are?" "All the time." "So why didn't you tell me about those?" "About my breasts?" "What about them?" "I know about them." "I know there was some work done." "You just mentioned nothing all them nights I was... (SPUTTERING)" "Honey, you thought that these were..." "That is incredible." "I've got to tell Skip." "Why you gotta bring Grandpa into this?" "That was how I met him, because he was my surgeon." "Oh..." "Okay." "You know what, it's been a long day." "We're lying to your family about living together." "We're not lying." "Exactly." "We are." "And you know what?" "They're lying to each other." "What are you talking about?" "I'm saying I'm the man in your life." "All right, we shouldn't have to lie to your family about living together." "I ain't afraid of Judge Peeples." "You are right." "And that is why I wanted to get dressed up for you." "And I want to say that I'm really glad you came." "And it's really perfect having you here with my family." "Really?" "Yeah." "I was wrong." "That means I've been a bad girl." "That you should punish me, Principal Walker." "Mmm-hmm." "(GROWLS)" "Yeah." "I have been a bad girl." "Yeah." "You have been a real bad girl." "You earned yourself a big, fat" "D!" "(SQUEALS)" "(GIGGLING)" "Who's your daddy, girl?" "Who's your daddy?" "Who's your daddy?" "You are!" "Who's your daddy?" "You are!" "Wade!" "You're crazy!" "Bad girl!" "Not my baby, Grace." "Gracie, Gracie, Gracie..." "Mmm." "Have a good night?" "Good." "Yeah, it was good." "You?" "Mine was great." "I played at The Lusty Sea Hag, as I usually do, for 45 minutes, then I came right home, and I was out like a light." "Hmm." "Help yourself to breakfast." "SIMON:" "Drawers on the Floor, take one." "(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)" "¶ I know, you know Oh girl, I know you wanna ¶" "Exciting news!" "The Montauk Indians are gonna use my sage, which is quite legendary, for the sweat lodge ceremony tonight." "That's great news!" "The sweat lodge?" "It's a ceremony the Montauks offer every year to contribute to Moby Dick Day." "A time for men to test their manhood." "A battle of the wills." "DAPHNE:" "Virgil goes every year." "Can't nobody sweat longer than my Virgil." "You're my champion." "I do always win." "(CHUCKLES)" "Manhood rites of passage are important." "Especially in the post-industrial age when power dynamics can be confusing." "That's just a little something I picked up in sociology class." "Very true, babe." "All right, now." "Right." "Like sometimes it's hard to tell who's the teacher and who's the student." "Right, Grace Lorraine Peeples?" "Do you know of somewhere I could check my e-mail?" "Yeah, Simon's room, first door on the right upstairs." "Got to check my e-mail." "Yeah, sure." "Tell him we leave for Nana's in 10." "Okay." "You want me to smell your mushroom?" "Mmm-hmm." "Your mushroom smells good!" "Good!" "(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)" "¶ Girl, you're all talk ever since we've been datin'" "¶ Wastin' my time, doin' nothin' but waitin'" "¶ You better check the real talk when we're conversatin'" "¶ And read my lips, no more anticipatin'" "¶ Yeah, what's a brother gotta do?" "¶ Yeah, what's a brother gotta do?" "¶ What's a brother gotta What's a brother gotta do?" "¶ I know, you know Girl, I know you wanna" "¶ Got it goin' on from your bottom to your top" "¶ And when I get with it I don't wanna talk shop" "¶ So make it real clear Let me fly it non-stop" "¶ I like the way you jiggle in your tight tank top" "¶ Yeah, what's a brother gotta do?" "¶ Girl, what's a brother gotta do?" "¶ What's a brother gotta What's a brother gotta do?" "¶ I know, you know Girl, I know you wanna... ¶" "(SIGHS)" "Huh." "Wow." "Hey, Gracie." "(IMITATING VIRGIL) Guilty!" "DAPHNE:" "¶ Come on" "(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)" "¶ Hey, baby, wanna jump in my game?" "¶ Odds are you'll never be the same" "¶ When I lay down what you been missin'" "¶ No man livin' got a hope of resistin'" "¶ Don't need your soul Don't want your mind" "¶ Just make me feel it when you bump and grind" "¶ Come on, come on, come on" "¶ I know you're ready for some" "¶ Oh, yeah, baby" "¶ I'm talkin' 'bout ooh ahh" "¶ I'm gonna give you some ooh ahh" "¶ All over your body Tonight's the night" "(MUSIC STOPS)" "WADE: ¶ You're gonna feel my heat, boy" "¶ I got the moves to knock you off your feet, boy ¶" "Enjoying yourself?" "(SCREAMS)" "Oh, my God!" "You scared me." "I couldn't resist." "You like wearing women's clothes?" "No, no, no." "I..." "Mr. Peeples..." "Judge." "Judge Peeples." "I'm sorry." "I feel like we've gotten off on the wrong foot here." "No offense, all right." "Didn't mean to offend anything coming to your home." "I just..." "The real reason I came here... (TECHNO RINGTONE PLAYING)" "Excuse me." "Hello?" "What?" "Mmm-mmm." "No, no, no, no." "No, no, no, no." "Hey, hey, hey!" "Bro!" "What's up?" "Bro, good to see you." "Excuse me!" "This is a round trip!" "Stop, hey, hey, no." "You've gotta go." "Look, last time I talked to you, you were all stressed out, okay." "I came here to make sure everything got done." "Did you propose?" "Not yet." "But you need to leave." "What is wrong with you?" "Thank God I'm here to help you." "When have you ever helped me?" "Third grade." "You wanted to make out with Monique Johnson." "I kissed you to share my technique." "That's love." "All right." "You need to leave." "Okay?" "If you could..." "Hold on, hold on." "Damn!" "Look at that." "Oh, shit!" "It is on!" "These scrubs are like catnip." "She's waving at me, idiot." "That's Grace's sister." "Are you serious?" "Yes." "Daddy better get ready for a double wedding." "Chris?" "What..." "My goodness!" "What are you doing here?" "(CHUCKLES)" "He was just leaving." "Call me when you get to the city, little bro." "No, no!" "GRACE:" "Did you forget something?" "Frat!" "Frat?" "Okay." "Ahh!" "Ahh!" "(LAUGHING)" "This is my brother, Chris." "Welcome." "Thank you." "That was quite a welcome." "But if you'll excuse me," "I just spent the last 26 hours in the ER, hopped on the first jitney." "I'm gonna have to get some rest at an inn, so..." "Second generation Gamma!" "I'm not gonna let my frat brother stay in an inn." "You are staying with us!" "(CHUCKLES) Ahh!" "(BOTH) Ahh!" "Ahh!" "Fly away." "Come home with us." "Okay." "Come on, Grace." "Okay." "Welcome." "All right." "See you there." "GRACE:" "Okay." "VIRGIL:" "Nice surprise." "Gamma doctor in the house." "Where did you get the sweater?" "From my roommate." "Okay, you need to tell him you are not in his frat." "Oh, hell, no." "That would make me look crazy." "Ahoy!" "Don't want to be late for Nana's." "Ahoy!" "(SIGHS)" "This is gonna be so much fun." "A woman that can handle her own speedboat." "That is a new one for me." "GLORIA:" "I'm a control freak." "Well, like I always say, any kind of freak is a good one." "(BOTH LAUGH) Very nice." "Yeah." "(CHUCKLES) Yeah." "Mmm mmm mmm." "(GROWLS) (YELPS)" "Just joking, man." "Welcome." "All right." "All right." "Doctor, huh?" "GRACE:" "Okay, here's the thing about my granddad." "You're gonna love him, but he's always pressuring me about marriage." "So just avoid that discussion." "Avoid." "Mmm-hmm." "Hello?" "Hi!" "Granddad, this is my Wade." "Wade, Granddad." "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." "You, too, sir." "This house is absolutely incredible." "Thank you." "I nailed every board, laid every brick." "You built this by hand?" "In life, build everything by hand and heart." "Remember that!" "That's my dad's motto." "(GRUNTS)" "When will you ever learn?" "You've got to stay ready." "I'm surprised you even remembered my motto." "Course I do." "Virgil could have been the first black President, but he didn't ever listen growing up." "VIRGIL:" "I think I did all right." "Of course, of course." "Judge is just the same as President." "Well, minus the honor, the White House and the power." "I see you, you know." "I see you checking out my granddaughter." "Well, no disrespect, Nana, but she is fine." "NANA:" "I just wouldn't want you to be disappointed." "Come on, Nana." "Don't you think I'm handsome?" "Oh, I think you're charming." "But Gloria is..." "Uh, she's..." "She's that way." "What way?" "The gay way." "No!" "Yes." "Nana." "Yes, yes." "You can see that they're in love." "Plus, lesbians are all over my husband's family." "Always have been." "Mmm-hmm." "CHRIS:" "You'll have to excuse my language, Nana, but I don't give a damn if a little girl-on-girl action does run in your family." "I've got to try." "She looks too good." "Checkmate." "What?" "NANA:" "Listen, I must be honest with you." "I just do not understand this whole thing." "What whole thing?" "This two-women thing." "What kind of pleasure is there in that?" "Well, pour me a drink, I'll tell you how it all goes down." "What?" "Gonna need a couple pairs of scissors." "A couple..." "Yeah." "And a wet sponge." "So what are your plans?" "Uh, um, just..." "It's my first time here." "So I'm gonna enjoy Sag Harbor, check out Moby Dick Day..." "No, I was talking about your plans with my granddaughter." "Oh." "I love her." "I love her very much, sir." "Any marriage plans?" "We..." "Well, no." "Mmm-mmm." "Not right now." "We just..." "I love her." "She's..." "We're happy just kicking it." "What's that, "kickin' it"?" "Oh, it's just an expression." "You know, like..." "Not really kicking anything." "It's just hanging out." "Chilling." "Mmm-hmm." "Well, I suppose a man has to decide when he wants to stand up and be a man." "I'm..." "I want..." "I want to." "You are a man." "Yeah." "I'm a man." "VIRGIL:" "I want my daughters to know what it's like to be with a person who has the conviction to plan a future and not somebody who just wants to "kick it."" "Actually," "I think this is the perfect time to talk about plans for the future." "GLORIA:" "Lunch is on, Peeples!" "Oh!" "Hey!" "Let's get it while it's hot!" "(CHUCKLES)" "I say when the wind blows and the trees bend," "I put my boots on, and I walk like this." "VIRGIL:" "Yeah, my man!" "Right here, Daddy!" "(LAUGHING)" "How does that man keep finding that cape?" "I've hidden it from him 1,000 times." "(CHUCKLES)" "I find my brother!" "VIRGIL:" "Whoo!" "Looks like a ghetto Hogwarts." "BOTH:" "I said we walk like this." "I said we walk like this." "I call my brother..." "Woo hoo!" "And we walk like this!" "When the lightning strikes..." "MEG:" "Go, Grandpa!" "and the thunder roars," "I find my brother." "(WHOOPING)" "Whose brother are they gonna find and walk like that?" "I say we walk like this!" "I find my brother, woo-hoo, and we walk like this." "BOTH:" "Oh, shit." "Tough night." "Look, you've got to tell him the truth." "I'm not telling." "And we are..." "Tell him." "Would you tell him?" "Tell him!" "Why did you smack the shrimp out of my mouth?" "Tell him." "Tell him." "MEG:" "Yeah!" "GRANDPA:" "Five." "Down." "Up." "Hah hah!" "Step, young man!" "Step!" "GRANDPA:" "Come on." "Let's see what you've got, young blood." "Don't." "All right?" "Just don't, please?" "Ahh!" "(GLORIA LAUGHING)" "(GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY)" "Okay." "Here we go." "What?" "(GRUNTING)" "GLORIA:" "Let's go, Chris!" "Go!" "Maybe you should get with Chris." "See if you're straight." "That's a great idea." "He does a mean robot." "Get with Chris." "Sprint!" "Okay." "Well, I could get on that." "I could." "That's that new school." "Eat some shrimp or something." "Something's wrong with that boy." "Hey, ladies and gentlemen, we've got a diva in the house." "Miss Lady Divine Peeples, would you please step to the stage?" "What's up?" "(PLAYING GUITAR)" "WADE:" "Everybody say "Daphne." Go ahead." "ALL:" "Daphne, Daphne, Daphne." "DAUGHTERS:" "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!" "It's been too long." "Yes, it has been way too long." "Well, I hope I remember the words." "WADE:" "Come on." "Okay." "(SINGING OFF-KEY) ¶ Hey, baby (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE)" "WADE:" "That's all right, that's all right." "NANA:" "Try again." "Now, come on." "I'm coming back around for you." "I'm coming back around for you." "¶ Hey, baby, wanna jump in my game?" "¶ Odds are you'll never be the same" "¶ When I lay down what you been missin'" "¶ No man livin' got a hope of resistin'" "Don't like him." "¶ Don't need your soul Don't want your mind" "¶ Just make me feel it when you bump and grind" "You know, I forgot Daphne could move like that." "¶ Let me take you where you never been ooh!" "¶ Don't need your mind Don't want your soul" "¶ Just say you feel it when I rock and roll" "ALL:" "Ah!" "Ah!" "Whoo!" "It seems it just takes the right man to pull it out of you." "You know?" "Mom!" "Well... ¶ All over your body" "¶ Tonight's the night you're gonna feel my heat, by" "¶ I got the moves to knock you off your feet" "¶ I'm gonna make your heart skip that beat" "¶ When I turn you on, oh" "¶ Any other lovers know they can't compete" "¶ When I turn you on" "(ALL CHEERING)" "GLORIA:" "Oh, my God!" "You should not have seen that!" "(DAPHNE SCREAMS)" "We have been robbed!" "What?" "You know those vintage diamond earrings you bought for me after you did that thing I asked you not to do, and we said we wouldn't talk about it?" "Calm down." "I went to put the rest of my jewelry away, and they weren't there." "Okay, Mother, maybe you misplaced them." "You know how you misplace things." "Yeah, Mrs. Peeples." "Oh, no, no, no!" "I haven't worn them in months." "They have been in the very same place." "Of course." "Well, what's different?" "Nothing's different." "Well, I look around, and the only thing different I see is Wade." "Dad." "Wade is what is different." "Oh, Virgil, that is so not cool." "Well, I did see him in your closet this morning." "What were you doing in Mom's closet?" "That I can explain." "Virgil, I did not take Daphne's earrings." "Of course not, honey." "Nobody's saying that." "I think Virgil is." "And I think he's overlooking another potential suspect." "Like who?" "I don't know." "Maybe somebody without a job who's sporting a $16,000 watch around here." "We wear Timex." "We are Timex people!" "(WATCHES TICKING)" "Why are you looking at me like that?" "Like what?" "Like that!" "I think we should just all turn in" "(TEARFULLY) and get a fresh start in the morning." "Mom." "(SOBS)" "GRACE:" "Mom?" "(WAILS)" "GRACE:" "Mom?" "Honey, we'll figure this out." "(GRUNTS)" "Mom?" "He's tripping." "Virgil's no angel." "I could tell you some things." "Like what?" "Freaky stuff?" "Freaky rich people stuff?" "For a minute, I swear, it seemed like Grace believed Virgil when he said I took her mom's things." "Shhh." "You know, Nana told me about Gloria." "Told you what?" "Her and Meg are together." "Like, doing it." "She told you?" "You knew?" "What's going on?" "Si in the house." "What's up?" "What's up?" "What is that little scrub doing?" "WADE:" "Simon Sticky-fingers." "Oh!" "He stole his momma's earring." "That's cold." "WADE:" "Thinks he's got to be a thug to get respect." "See that?" "That's rich people problems right there." "I should stay out of it." "You should." "You should stay out of it." "But you won't." "SIMON:" "Huh?" "(IN A ROUGH VOICE) What's up, fool?" "Keep your head forward!" "(IN A DEEP VOICE) Yeah." "My father is..." "WADE:" "I don't give a damn who your father is!" "We're your father now." "Oh, shit." "WADE:" "You know what I do give a damn about?" "These rocks in your ear." "Oh!" "WADE:" "Yeah." "I like these rocks." "Oh, God." "You don't need God now." "You're gonna be on your knees soon enough." "Don't take them." "Heh." "They're my mom's." "You stole earrings from your momma?" "I didn't steal them." "You think stealing is a joke?" "No." "You'll end up in lock-up." "Lock-up is hell!" "(WHISPERING) Hell." "I know because my sister told me." "Which sister?" "My sister Grace." "She was in jail for like, three days." "And then my father got her out." "WADE:" "What did this Grace do?" "Listen, man, snitches get ditches." "Okay?" "I thought snitches get stitches." "Nah, snitches get ditches, because you die..." "Both of you, listen!" "All right?" "This is what you're gonna do." "You gonna take your little momma's earrings back to her jewelry box." "Okay." "Because we're watching you." "Watching." "That was always my plan." "Wade?" "And Chris." "WADE:" "Si, what's wrong with you?" "Why are you stealing your momma's earrings?" "Man, I took them to impress this girl, but she isn't looking at me no way." "Si, you're a genius." "You're smart." "You build robots and stuff, man." "Talk about what you know." "Girls love smart guys." "That's why I'm a doctor." "WADE:" "Shut up." "That's not gonna work." "Explain how I got your sister." "(IMITATES EXPLOSION)" "I wasn't scared, though." "I wasn't scared." "(STAMMERING) I just..." "I negotiate." "I just make sure I stay living." "I hate to say this about my girl's dad, but he's an asshole." "Yeah!" "Just a straight-up asshole." "And I haven't even mentioned anything I've seen around here." "Not even to Grace." "You know?" "Out of respect for his asshole ass." "Not even after he accused me of stealing." "Not even after I saw his balls!" "I know." "Wait, you saw his balls?" "Every time I close my eyes." "Look, bro, you got to get on point, man." "You can't waste time just deflecting man-balls, dude." "You need to go to the house tonight and say, "Look, I'm marrying your daughter" ""with or without your approval." You're right." "I know I'm right." "Damn right, I'm right." "He's at the sweat lodge." "What?" "The sweat what?" "I know exactly what I'm gonna do." "You just saved my life." "Well, I am a doctor." "A doctor." "¶ Ladies love the kid" "What are you doing here?" "I'll tell you what I'm doing here..." "Your offering, brother?" "It's no free ride, Wade." "You can't take a seat unless you make an offering to the spirit gods, which watch over and guard this sacred teepee." "I ain't trying to do nothing free." "Your offering will be purified and returned to you blessed." "You do still have my change from the supermarket, don't you?" "You know what I've got?" "This is what I've got." "I came here to propose to Grace." "With that chip?" "My grandfather saved for months to get this ring, and he was married for 62 years." "All I see is a man who can't afford to buy his own ring." "That's not true!" "You're coming in here acting all humble, but I see what you really want." "You want to be king in my castle." "I don't play chess, so I don't get your little analogy." "Get this." "This ain't checkers, Southside Willie." "Who?" "As the heat rises, we must focus our energy." "You know, you're not the first one, Wade." "Grace has brought home dozens of men, all seeking my approval." "Mmph." "The erudite lawyer, the nerdy scientist," "Skip, Martin, the twins." "The twins?" "But I see them for what they really are, phases." "You, for example, are her loser phase." "You don't define me, Virgil." "Well, that's more like it." "Now the lion is in the forest." "What?" "MAN 1:" "Time to..." "MAN 2:" "Time out." "You getting hot?" "Shh." "Walk through the flame into your manhood." "We can settle this right now if you want." "What do you want to do, huh, Judge?" "What would settle this?" "Well, you heard the Chief." "Walk through the flame into manhood." "What?" "Is that supposed to scare me?" "Think this is hot?" "This ain't nothing but July in my bedroom growing up." "Rama putu riki." "More coals." "A lot more!" "Kumu pa tiki." "Whoa." "Hey." "Hi." "I'm sorry." "Am I lost?" "Have sex with me." "VIRGIL:" "I am an iceberg, crisp, frigid, frozen in a mountain of glassy ice." "I am a frog, swimming in a cool, cool pond." "I am a fluffy white snowflake riding the icy north winds, floating gently to the ground." "(WADE PANTING)" "Uh..." "Yeah?" "You like that?" "Yes." "Very much." "Perhaps the ear, if you could try." "I'm a 44-ounce Big Gulp grape Slurpee." "¶ Wade in the water" "I'm an ice cream truck filled with delicious, cool treats." "¶ Wade in the water, children" "On a hot summer day." "¶ Wade in the water" "Damn!" "¶ Wade can't make it without water ¶" "I'm a cold pitcher of grape Kool-Aid with a smiley face on it." "You know, just a thought." "What if I were to invite Meg in?" "You know, just to get me going." "Would that be okay?" "All three of us?" "It's a stupid idea." "I'm so sorry." "The neck again." "No, no, no, no." "You know what?" "(SIGHS)" "Go ahead, bring Meg in." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, you know." "And it wouldn't be a tremendous bother?" "No, that's for you." "That's for you." "I appreciate you, Chris." "I've got you." "Okay." "I'll be right back." "Okay." "(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)" "(SQUEALS WITH EXCITEMENT)" "Stay cool." "¶ The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout ¶" "(RECITING BUDDHIST CHANT)" "(SOBBING) VIRGIL:" "I'm cool." "Cooler than Miles Davis in a snowstorm." "I'm cool." "MAN:" "Wade." "Wade, is that you, buddy?" "I'm coming for you, buddy." "I'm going to win because I'm better than you." "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name." "VIRGIL:" "Southside Willie." "(YELLING) Freedom!" "VIRGIL:" "What the hell?" "This triangle here done burned down the lodge!" "CHIEF:" "Protect our sacred teepee!" "VIRGIL:" "Fuck the teepee, Chief!" "Save your ass!" "VIRGIL: (SCREAMS) Help me!" "I'm ready." "I could just jump in." "I got my rhythm now, and I can come in with both..." "Shhh." "CHRIS:" "So it can be like a team thing, like a black Three's Company." "(GROANS)" "HODGE:" "Citizens of Sag Harbor," "I think Captain Ahab would have more than one leg to stand on if he were here today." "What a turnout." "This is gonna be the best Moby Dick Day ever!" "Back by popular demand," "I will be conducting my live scurvy demonstration." "PHOTOGRAPHER:" "Come on!" "You there!" "Come have your photo taken!" "Only a dollar." "NUT VENDOR:" "Get your salty warm nuts." "PICKLE VENDOR:" "Pickles!" "Nice pickles!" "GRACE:" "Hey, you made it." "Why didn't you wake me up?" "I tried to." "And Chris said he tried, too." "What's going on?" "Is that soot?" "Where have you been?" "Baby, we need to talk." "Yeah, okay, but not until after the ceremony." "You don't look so good." "Do you want some food or a drink?" "We always bring lots of stuff." "I'm thirsty." "VIRGIL:" "Daphne, can you get my peg-leg, baby?" "All right, you sit here." "You're gonna be fine." "Huh." "Chief Oneka is usually very fond of us." "Do you see him glaring over here?" "No." "Okay." "I'll see you in a bit." "Grapes, anybody?" "Hey." "Remember me?" "Yeah." "You don't know me." "From the beach." "You don't know me." "You don't know them, either." "Okay." "I'm Mayor Hodge." "It's nice to meet you." "For the very first time." "So," "Big Dick Day for Virgil, huh?" "You ought to know." "What's that supposed to mean?" "I..." "Shhh." "(FANFARE PLAYING)" "(CROWD APPLAUDING)" ""Towards thee I roll," ""thou all-destroying but unconquering whale." ""Speak not to me." ""I'd strike the sun if it insulted me." "(WHIMPERING) "Look ye, Starbuck." ""All visible objects are but as pasteboard masks." "(GOATS BLEATING) "Some inscrutable yet yearning things" ""put forth the molding of their features."" "What's wrong with you?" "Them goats." "Goats?" "You don't see them goats everywhere?" "No." ""Yet he is but a mask." ""'Tis the thing behind the mask."" "Does the sky look lower to you?" "The sky?" "The sky is where it always is." "This is the good part." "Look, look." ""Let me then be towed to pieces while still chasing..."" "Jive-ass urine singer!" "What?" "VIRGIL:" "Pigheaded triangle bus-head commie-ass, ring-bringin'..." "You ain't never marrying Grace!" "Not ever!" "You talking to me?" "Shhh!" "Sorry." ""To the last, I grapple with thee..."" "Wade..." "Is he talking to me?" "Is he saying, "Wade"?" "I'm looking at the man." "He's saying "Wade."" "GRACE:" "Shh." "He did not say "Wade."" ""From hell's heart I stab at thee."" "Let's take it outside!" "We outside!" "What's up?" "GRACE:" "Hey, calm down!" "Come on then!" "Shh!" "What are you doing?" "Wish you would." "Stop it." "I'm right here." "Stop it, Wade!" "Bring it." "Stabbing me?" "What's the matter with..." "Please calm down, Wade!" ""For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee..."" "Wade!" "Spit at me?" "Did he say spit..." "No." "Spit at me?" "Um..." "I spit on you!" "GRACE:" "Stop it!" "Dad, I'm so... (SPITS) GRACE:" "Stop it." "What are you doing?" "Whoa!" "DAPHNE:" "Calm down, baby." "GRACE:" "What is wrong with you?" "Sorry, kids." "Maybe we should go home." "You're supposed to die now." "What?" "WADE:" "You're supposed to die." "He's getting there." "I know the book." "You're supposed to die." "Captain Ahab!" "Moby Dick kills you!" "GRACE:" "Wow." "Okay." "Stop it!" "Die!" "Die!" "Die!" "Stop it!" "That's a threat!" "That's a threat!" "I will kill you myself!" "(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)" "SIMON:" "Black man on the run!" "Grace." "Grace?" "Mommy?" "(GASPS)" "Grace!" "DAPHNE:" "Virgil!" "Get him!" "SIMON:" "Do it!" "Do it for me!" "(ALL SCREAM)" "Virgil!" "No." "No." "DAPHNE:" "Virgil." "Don't you dare!" "Die!" "(SCREAMING)" "Tuck 'n roll, Daddy!" "(BOTH YELLING)" "DAPHNE:" "Virgil!" "My God!" "Go, go, go!" "Wade!" "Wade!" "MAN 1:" "Get him up, boys!" "DAPHNE:" "Oh, my goodness." "WOMAN:" "He's not getting up." "MAN 2:" "A heck of a stunt." "GRACE:" "Wade?" "Wade!" "Wade?" "(CAMERA CLICKS)" "Stop that." "Wade!" "MAN 2:" "Is he dead?" "Dr. Chris, is he gonna be okay?" "We're gonna need 10 cc's of..." "Is that blood?" "Um..." "Call a doctor." "GRACE:" "Doctor!" "Doctor!" "I thought he was a doctor." "Mmm." "Mmm." "What happened?" "Um..." "Well, we're not exactly sure, but the doctor said that you had something called psilocybin in your system." "Philahcybin?" "It basically means you were tripping on 'shrooms." "Honey, I hate to say this, truly, but the writing is on the wall." "He is on drugs." "He ruined my beloved Moby Dick Day." "Your mother's property is missing." "Not to mention the small fact that he burnt down Chief Oneka's sweat lodge." "No." "Yes, it's gone." "Did you?" "I should go." "Yes, you should." "And take your brother with you." "What did I do?" "What kind of doctor passes out at the first sight of blood?" "I'm not sure." "And I think you may have disrespected our Meg here." "I see the looks she gives you." "(GRUNTS SOFTLY)" "Grace, I'll explain everything when we get back to the city." "Are you coming?" "You don't fit in around here." "The Peeples don't lie." "We don't steal." "We tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." "You tell your family the whole naked truth?" "What?" "You just let it all hang out there for everybody to see, huh?" "He's lost his mind." "I was at the private beach, Virgil." "I know all about you and Mayor Hodge, and getting freaky with all your sagging nut buddies watching." "GRACE:" "Whoa, Wade!" "Like I said, he is out of his mind, Grace." "And what about playing at The Lusty Sea Hag, huh?" "How's that going?" "Using that excuse about how the family can't hear you play until it's perfect." "Well, go on, play something." "You must be pretty good after all those late nights." "Maybe you should, Virgil." "I'm not gonna play for this junkie!" "Get out!" "Gladly." "Grace." "Are you coming?" "All right." "Come on, Chris." "If anything changes, I..." "Chris." "Okay." "Good." "Now that that's over, things can finally get back to normal." "Dad?" "Yes, sweetie." "You didn't answer the question." "What question?" "You always taught me to look every examiner in the eye and answer directly, but you didn't answer Wade, and in fact, you looked away." "I don't recall." "What beach was he talking about?" "Yeah, whose sagging nuts was he talking about?" "How am I supposed to know what is in his hallucinogenic mind?" "It's the drugs talking." "You're looking away again!" "Are you seeing Johnnie Hodge?" "And now you, Daphne?" "You've been coming home late, Virgil, smelling like seawater." "What's going on?" "I swim with the Humpbacks." "The nudist hippies?" "Oh, snap!" "They're not hippies." "It's naturalism." "It's something I do to help me relieve stress since the heart attack." "It has nothing to do with sex." "It doesn't?" "No, baby." "You are the only woman for me." "Wade was telling the truth!" "You still don't get it, sweetie." "So what that he saw me at the beach?" "That still doesn't explain the money scams at the market," "Meg and Gloria's odd behavior since he arrived, your mother's earrings, and the fact that that dope fiend tried to kill me." "I put the 'shrooms in that drink." "I stole Mom's earrings." "Meg and I are a couple." "A couple of what?" "A couple of dykes." "I knew it!" "We're in love, Dad." "Dad?" "You are my family." "I love you." "But you act as if I am some pompous ass that nobody can talk to." "And what is this about 'shrooms?" "No more gardening." "You're going back to rehab." "Okay." "(DOG WHINING)" "What is that?" "Oh, the poor guy." "He did lose his wallet." "He gave me advice on how to get a girl, and it worked." "When?" "When he locked me in the bathroom at The Lusty Sea Hag." "What are you talking about?" "I think the dude was just trying to propose." "What is this?" ""Grace, my love, my truth." "Wade."" "I got that one from Virgil's pants." "What was this doing in your pants?" "Simon, why are you always in somebody's stuff?" "Did you know that he was gonna propose to me?" "You are grounded!" "Dad!" "He came to the sweat lodge and asked for your hand in marriage, then he burned it down." "(TEARFULLY) Oh, my God!" "Gracie." "Oh, sweetie." "(SOBS)" "GRACE:" "Hey." "Chris, please call me back." "I know that he's with you." "I just..." "I can't..." "I just can't reach him." "Okay?" "Wade?" "Where you want this?" "Right here." "Fine." "What are you doing here?" "Well, I came to propose." "I want you to put this on my finger and please come home." "No." "I'm sorry." "The answer is no." "I'm not cut out to be a Peeples." "I can't have secrets." "I can't hide my quirks or weaknesses, all right?" "From anybody." "Least of all, you." "You're right." "I'm sorry." "I did not introduce you to my father because I was worried that he would pick you apart and tell me that you weren't good enough." "I was scared that he wouldn't see what I see, which is that you're incredible." "I love you, Wade." "And I think that you are crazy enough to love me for who I actually am." "So, Wade Walker, will you marry me?" "I don't know." "It depends." "Do you promise to trust me?" "To be honest and work through any problems?" "Yes." "No more "peanuts." No more "peanuts."" "No more safe word." "We talk it out." "Okay." "You're gonna tell me about jail." "Sure." "Well, in that case, Grace Peeples... (GIGGLES) will you marry me?" "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." "(LAUGHING) Yes." "You know what this means?" "What?" "No more putting Daddy on a pedestal." "Nope." "I'm your man now." "You understand?" "Yes." "He does not make the decisions in our life." "What father?" "Never heard of him." "That point needs to be negotiated." "Dad, how did you know where we were?" "I'm brilliant, Grace." "Well, that's true." "VIRGIL:" "And Chris told me." "He scares me." "Virgil, you expect me to be the man you are today." "That takes time." "And quite frankly, I don't even know if I wanna be that crazy." "Well, I suppose I deserve that." "That's why I brought some Peeples, who not unlike myself, left you out there to dry." "Now, a Peeples never shows his hand to family until it is perfect." "But if you allow me, I would like to attempt something for you now." "So you're saying we're family?" "I'm family?" "Yes, we're family." "(CHUCKLES)" "There comes a time in everyone's life when you have to express yourself." "Holding things in makes us do strange things." "Deny your true love." "Drink trippy smoothies." "Steal jewelry from your own momma." "My eyes still burn from the sagging horrors I've witnessed at the beach." "(KIDS CHEERING)" "¶ Now, I don't have to tell you" "¶ What everybody knows" "¶ Daddy's number one till his little girl grows" "¶ Time comes when you've got to let go" "¶ But any man with a ring in his hand" "¶ Had better come qualified" "¶ Even homicide is justified" "¶ I'm the judge and the jury of my tribe" "¶ And yes, I confess, I was giving you stress" "¶ When I could have used the words to say" "¶ It makes less mess to simply express" "¶ Yeah, I got a better way" "¶ Speak it, don't leak it ¶ What?" "Hey!" "¶ Don't keep your feelings secret" "¶ Speak it, don't leak it" "¶ That's how the big kids play it" "¶ Big kids play" "¶ You better come on now Here we are" "¶ Speak, leak ¶ Speak, leak" "¶ Speak, leak ¶ Speak, leak" "BOTH: ¶ Speak it, leak it Speak it, leak it" "¶ Speak it, leak it Speak it, leak it" "(BOTH VOCALIZING)" "¶ Everybody" "¶ Hoo!" "¶ Big kids play" "¶ Oh, tell somebody" "¶ Speak it, don't leak it" "¶ Don't keep your feelings secret" "¶ Say it, don't spray it" "¶ That's how the big kids play it" "¶ Speak it, don't leak it" "¶ Don't keep your feelings secret" "¶ Say it, don't spray it" "¶ Speak it, don't leak it!" "(VOCALIZING)"