"A film by" "BALAS  BOLINHOS O REGRESSO" "Written by" "Produced by" "Directed by" " May I ask what you're doing?" " Who, me?" "Nothing." "That's it..." "Keep going..." "Yeah, suck it... suck it." "Beautiful, that's it." "Now lick it..." "lick it." "Suck it harder..." "That's it!" "Cut, damn it!" "What the fuck are you doing?" "I told you I want sensuality, tenderness, man." "A touch of class." "I can't work with what you're doing." "It's cheap." "I'm doing my job." "What the fuck do you want from me?" "What do I want?" "I want you to have class." "You can't just suck it like any old ice-cream." "You have to suck it like it was the best ice-cream in the world." "I'm here since eight o'clock." "This shit won't last forever." "I don't give a shit about your hard on problems." "This scene has to be done today!" "But this shit is dead." "Don't you get it?" "Dead, it's mute." "Put water on it, rub it, do something!" "I know my pecker." "It's done pecking for today." "Your genital problems are your own." "You got cock?" "You work." "You don't?" "You're fired." "Are you firing me?" "You'll see." "I'll be huge some day, and then you'll come to me." "I'll be a big star some day and you'll be begging me to be in one of your movies." "But forget it." "I'm going to be big some day, and you'll come crawling to me." "You'll see." "My son, I look at you and I see a lost soul." "A sheep who got lost from the flock." "And that is a very dangerous thing!" "The road to damnation, the way of the devil, is easy to find." "Because the devil is not how our forefathers described it." "A man in red garments and with horns!" "No, my son." "The devil is in our deeds." "Our attitudes towards our fellow man." "The sick, the needy." "We must give them our affection, our love, our tenderness." "You promise me you won't follow the road that leads to the devil?" "I promise, Father." "You promise you'll renounce the devil's ways?" "I promise, Father." "Then go, my son, with a new and strengthened faith." "And may the Lord be with you, always." "Fuck it!" "Come on, you bitch!" "Fuck!" "Fucking mule." "What the fuck is this shit?" "God damn it!" "Are you blind?" "Don't you have eyes on your fucking face?" "Fuck me!" "What's up, fucker?" "Remember us?" "What's up, Ximenes?" "Fucker!" "You owe me money." "I was just on my way to pay you back, Morito." "Where's my money?" "My children are home starving and crying." "And you with your fancy bike." "Take it easy." "Tomorrow, I'll go by the camp." "I'll take your money." "I'll pay you back." "I mean it." "I swear!" "You listen to me, fucker, I want my money by tomorrow." "If you don't pay me back tomorrow, I'll cut your nuts off." "Relax, man!" "I'll pay you back tomorrow!" "Fuck, you know me!" "Fuck!" "Ximenes!" "I got my bike!" "I can go on my bike." "My glasses!" "Quim was very popular" "He acted like a playboy But he didn't have a clue" "He had two bitches on the streets But he fucked neither of the two." "Vitalina!" "Vitalina!" "I got a telephone call from a client who spent last night with you." "Apparently, he wanted to eat your pussy, but you refused." "What's the deal?" "What the client wants, the client gets!" "Besides, you're not the one doing the work." "I don't want to hear any more complaints." "Go on, get." "Marilin?" "Marilin?" "How's business?" "As always." "Slow as hell." "Marilin..." "You know I trust you." "You're the visiting-card of my company." "Even more, you're the logo of my company." "Do you think when I get to my company I like to hear:" ""No dice." "Business is slow."" "Fuck you, Culatra!" "Me and the girls we spend all night working our asses off!" "We go out on a limb for you." "Marilin, that's business for you." "Sometimes, it's down and sometimes it's up." "You know these girls are foreign." "They don't feel comfortable yet." "Some don't know how to work the streets." "In our business, we don't have training courses." "There are no blowjob workshops." "No conferences on fucking." "Just your mouth and your nest of love." "Fuck, I don't know what else to do." "I don't like to hear you say that." "I don't like to hear you say that." "In the business world, it's all about the personal touches." "We must treat each client as if he was our number one client." "Each dick has its own personality." "There are no two dicks alike." "No." "Each blowjob you give must be a hymn." "A hymn to sensuality." "A tribute to the goddess Fuckite." "Do you understand?" "Of course I do." "Don't you know how business is?" "Go and do as I told you." "If today business is weak, tomorrow it will be better." ""A tribute to the goddess Aphrodite." Shit!" "Close the door!" "Bifes, come here." "You know what we want." "Radios." "Wait, wait, wait!" "Tools." "That shit is important." " Tools, right." " And be quick!" "Come here!" "Quick!" "And quietly." "Come here!" " A 10-11 wrench." " What for?" "Don't forget." "Fuck!" "Shit!" "What did I tell you?" "Be quiet!" "It's always the same shit!" "You're never quiet!" "You'll never come with me again." "Fuck!" "Fuck me..." "Fuck!" "Don't make a sound or I'll fuck you up." "The game is about to start." "It's very simple." "There is just one way out, and that is to win it all." "We'll do whatever it takes, as long as we win." "We have only five days to find the treasure." "Here's the map." "We have to follow the clues." "As we know, X never marks the spot." "And we must expect the unexpected." "I guarantee we'll be very happy in the end." "Go hide this." "When do we start?" "Today." " But first, let's have a drink." " It's on you." "Let's go." "Let's go!" "The treasure!" "Culatra!" "How are you, man?" "Long time, no see!" "You're fat!" "It's two p.m. And you're still in bed?" "Don't you know what time it is?" "My business has no schedules." "It's very stressful." "I bet you're working hard!" "I haven't seen you in a while." "What are you up to?" "I'm in the movie industry." "I'm an actor." "Some day, you'll see me in a soap opera." "You?" "In a soap opera?" "You'll see." "Some day, you'll see me in a shitty soap where the family of the chick I'm trying to bang doesn't like my family." "Then, I get a shotgun and fuck them all!" "And what about you?" "What are you up to?" "I'm in the meat business." "Meat?" "That's very cool!" "And if your meat is as tender as the meat from those cows over there..." "Even I would eat a sandwich." "And business is good?" "You know, in this business it's all about the consumer's financial situation." "There's a retraction in the market, confidence is low." "I feel I'm in a doctor's appointment." "That shit about the consumer, market retraction." "I'm all goose-bumpy and shit." "You know, for the last few years my experience has increased exponentially." "You're talking like Tone." "What I came here to say to you will change your life." "You're losing the fucking sausages, and start thinking about a hut, a nice black woman and some snotty rugrats screwing with your head." "What the fuck are you talking about?" "Money." "Money, Culatra!" "Loads of money!" "I have something that will change your life, my life, everybody's life." "Here, in this briefcase, I have something that will make you rich." "Lots of money for me and for everybody." "Here!" "What do you think?" "Is this one of those trinkets you get in "Twinkies" packets?" "I don't get this shit." "Here!" "This line leads to a cross." "Do you know what this cross means?" "What?" "A treasure." " A treasure?" " A treasure, Culatra." "Jewels, diamonds, gold." "All that glittering shit!" "You know that shit:" ""Open, Caesar"?" "Sesame." "Fuck it, whatever." "Open!" "And there's all this glowing shit." "You just have to follow the line." "Rat!" "I was in Amsterdam a few days ago." "I hooked up with a girl that looked like a wrinkled carpet." "I was at the top." "I got a lot of shit thrown at me." "You can't imagine how long it took me to get my business started." "A long time!" "I walked the streets of the Algarve and ate the sour grape of misfortune." "You think I'm going to leave my business just like that?" "It's the chance of a lifetime." "You could open up a butcher shop!" "I don't know..." "Fuck, Culatra!" "This is it, Culatra." "We're going to have lots of cash." "Rat..." "Alright." "But if we're going to go after that treasure, we need someone." "Who, Culatra?" "The man." "Tone." "Tone!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Is this Tone?" "What's up, man?" "What?" "Tone..." "Fuck..." "You know, same shit." "Culatra's here." "Fuck..." "It's been a long time..." "You know, my balls are rock hard." "Sooner would a camel's balls fry." "Tone, I got something here." "I got something you wouldn't dream of." "Tone!" "Something that will make you a lot of money." "A treasure." "You know, gold, jewels, lots of money." "Of course I'm sure." "A treasure, Tone!" "Tone!" "No!" "No!" "I swear!" "It is." "Take it easy, it is true." "I swear, honest." "Okay." "Okay." "Alright, Tone!" "Culatra!" "We're going treasure hunting." "Tone is coming back." "Tone!" "You look great, Tone!" "You look like those guys, the talismans." "Rat, Culatra..." "Long time, no see." "Fuck!" "Tone is back!" "You look great!" "Culatra, he's very trendy." "Look at this shit!" "What's up, Tone?" "Welcome to this humble hut by the sea-side." "You're fat as a son of a bitch." "He's dealing with sausages and shit." "He looks like a pig." "Tone, have you been to Libya?" "Did you like it there?" "It has some good things and some bad things." " It's hot as hell." " Fuck." "Lots of sand." "It can make you sick." "And the people are so dark, so brown, it seems they're covered in a thin layer of shit." "And they got something there's lots of here in Portugal." "What?" "Camels." "What about the chicks?" "Chicks are chicks." "They're fine." "Tell us, Tone!" "Tone, you screwed some Lebanese chicks, you fucking son of a bitch?" "I had a Lebanese bitch, once." "I remember." "You have to be careful there." "If you're walking down the street and you stare at a chick's eyes." "I usually do that." "But with my sunglasses on, nobody notices." "But there, if they notice that shit, they say you were staring because you wanted to fuck the bitch and then you're fucked." "If I went to Libya, I could only count on my asshole." "And something else..." "The chicks are not allowed to show their body." "You know, G-string, mini-skirt, none of that." "Otherwise, they think she's saying she wants to fuck." "We're the same, here." "They also have some freaky chicks there." "They seem to wear a blanket." "From head to toe." "Like a blind." "Those chicks dress like that to show respect to Allah." " Allah." " Allah?" "How's that dude?" "Basically, he's the big boss there." "He rules all that shit." "Fuck, Tone." "You travelled all over the world, fucking bitches who wore blankets like blinds." "You went camel riding, Tone!" "You've seen the world, Tone." "Lucky bastard." "I've seen the world, but I missed all this shit." "What?" "You, Tone?" " And what have you been up to?" " I'm an actor." "In the movie industry." "Fuck me." "Action, adventure, mystery." "And some day, you're going to see me in a soap opera." "What about you, Culatra?" "Me?" "I'm in the meat business." "Meat?" "Yeah, meat." "Cows and shit like that." "You should be in business with the bitches you had the other day, that would be a sweet deal." "Nice one, Horàcio!" "Let's make a toast." "To us." "You know what I missed the most?" "The food." "Sometimes, when I was eating," "I looked at the plate and it seemed I was eating shit." "Fuck, Tone." "I can't believe you're here!" "I used to think, what is Tone up to?" "Culatra!" "He's a man of the world." "Tone is too big to fit in this shithole of ours." "I'm here because you showed me the light at the end of the tunnel." "You put the taste of honey in my mouth." "You taught me the way to Paradise." " Who, me?" " I'm talking about the treasure." "This is it." "We'll have so much money, we'll all be in Armando suits." "Crocodile skin shoes." "And in bed, eating shellfish." " Right on!" " Tell Tone." "I was working." "Some guys came and started talking some shit." "Suddenly, they pulled out a map and started talking about a treasure." "Gold and money." "I went there and stole the map." "Map?" "What map?" "This map." "You think I'm going to touch that shit?" "You never change." "Why do you always keep these things in your drawers?" "Don't you have any pockets?" "Tone, no one touches a guy's balls." "All we have to do is look." "Do you see this shit here?" " Here?" " Here!" "This shit is full of holes." "I can't understand a thing." "I can." "What?" "I use this to read the smaller print." ""All that begins must surely end, to you that should suffice." ""All things start at the end, the beginning of the sacrifice."" "Fuck." "There's more." ""East." "Where the mud is red and the water is still." ""There hides the true key and open the door it will."" "Red mud?" "Red mud?" "The Pirate's Cave." "Pirate?" "Yeah, don't you know what a pirate is?" "A guy with a cloth in his eye and a hoe in his hand." "Didn't you watch "Treasure Island" when you were a kid?" "When I was a kid, I used to play near a cave." "They said there was a pirate inside." "Dead." "And they said his ghost was also there." "His ghost?" "Yeah." "I was scared shitless of that place." "If we heard the wind coming from inside, we would say it was the ghost, breaking wind." "What's that got to do with red mud?" "The ghost died in there." "He was stabbed and his blood was splattered all over the walls." "They seem to drip blood." "Blood?" "Why did they kill the pirate?" "Because he was hiding a treasure." "Our treasure!" ""Where the mud is red and the water is still." ""There hides the true key and open the door it will."" "Gentlemen, tomorrow, we'll all go to the Pirate's Cave." "You're the man, Tone!" "You even know Captain Hook." "You said you stole this shit from some guys." "So, they must also be looking for this shit." "We have to get some guns, just to be on the safe side." "So we don't have any problems." "I know a guy who sells knifes and some funny shit." "We can go talk to him." "Treasure Island?" "Isn't that near Barrancos?" "He must be making love." "Shut the fuck up!" "You live like a queen and all you do is whine, you bitch!" "Faisca!" "Maybe it's the cops that come to take your sorry ass to jail." "What's up?" "Remember me?" "What the fuck do you want?" "We're here because..." "Shut the fuck up, you dumb fucking bitch." "Fuck these women..." "I heard you got some knifes and some shit we could use." "Are you listening to me, you deaf prick?" "!" "You fucking cow," "I'll smash your teeth in and make you shit a complete set." "Kiss my ass, you faggot!" "Trash mouth!" "One should never come between a man and his wife." "Just a small tiff." "Who's that asshole?" "He looks like cheddar cheese." "He's the man." "Don't you know Tone?" "What do you want?" "I came looking for some knifes, you know, some tools, blades." "I see." "You want some shit that throws some shit that, when it hits a guy, turns him into shit." "That shit!" "But let me tell you." "It's shit." " You got it?" " Yeah." "Come on, then." "A ten bullet magazine." "One round per second." "Only a lighter is better than this." "This gun belongs to a guy who's in the slammer." "The guy came home, his wife put too much salt in his food, he got hold of this shit and wasted his whole family." "Wife, kids, dog, cat, cricket..." "It's brand new." "It was only used once." "This here was Rambo's machete." "It appeared in Rambo I, II, III." "He felt he had enough, became a farmer and traded it for a hoe." "To fuck the cops." "They see you with this and they immediately ask you for a permit." ""A fire arm, officer?" Do you know what this is for?" "Nothing much." "A butterfly." "A butterfly." "A good pesticide." "That mosquito will never father another child." "This thing here should be used on the genital area." "Your fucking nuts." "40, 60, 80." "Eight times two, 16." "16 thousand escudos." "Ok, Faisca." "We're pals." "Look." "Allah ho." "What the fuck is that?" "Allah ho is goodbye in Arabic." "I used to said it a lot in Libya." "Goodbye, honey." "Hey!" "You guys want to buy an eiderdown?" "Duck feathers, hand stitched..." "Fucking amazing, huh?" "Fuck, what is this shit?" "This is your house." "This is my house?" "This shit hole here?" "Are you sure you haven't sold your house?" "Do you think I wouldn't remember if I did?" "It's always the same shit." "Knock on the door, Tone." "Yes?" "Hello." "Good morning." "How are you?" "Are you enjoying my house?" "Take it easy!" "What's the problem?" "I haven't done anything!" "I live here!" "This is my house!" "I don't want any trouble." "Take it easy!" "Spà coina?" "What the fuck is Spà coina?" "This is my house." "House!" "Mine!" "Do you understand?" "It's not fucking spà coina's!" "Tone, you scared the guy." "He can't even speak." "I'll kick your ass, you dumb fuck!" "Please, I don't understand." "Take what you will, but don't hurt me!" "I'll put you in a grave, motherfucker." "Do I make myself clear?" "I'll bust your ass." "Fuck." "A guy comes home after all these years and this is what he finds." "It's all fucked up." "Paint, tiles, parakeets." "Fuck me." "This shit looks like Barbie's house." "This shit is cool." "You know, the place we're going..." "That shit is all dirt, rocks and shit." "That's all there is in the cave." "We have to take the basics, the bare essentials." "None of that superfluous shit." "Just the basics." "Basics!" "This looks like a fucking dump." "Who's going to carry all this shit?" " You told us to take the basics." " I only know one thing," "I'm not going to carry this." " It's all here." "You're not going to carry this?" "Neither are you?" "No." "Then who's carrying all this shit?" "GARDEN OF EDEN BUILD INGS" "Fuck, Bino!" "You're in this shit?" "Cement mixers, cement!" "Do you know who sent for you?" "Tone." "The man thought about it and said:" ""Bino"." "Right, Culatra?" "Didn't he say Bino had to come along?" "What's going on here, Bino?" "You're just talking to your friend here." "Friend?" "What friend?" "I'm an inspection supervisor." "I'm here incognito." "And I want to know what the fuck is going on here." " Here?" " Yes, here." "This construction site, here." "The cement the boy was mixing is shit." "In a nutshell, this is all a big pile of shit." "You're completely fucked." "And this worker, here?" "Where's his protection mask?" "He's going to inhale all this dust and that will fuck up his brain." "I know." "You're going to fine me?" "They may even tear the building down." "This shit is so far up your neck I'm having trouble telling where the shit ends and the contractor begins." "We can work this out." " We'll figure something out." " You're offering me money, right?" " Well, not quite..." " How much?" " All I have is 400 euros." " Okay, cough them up." "I'm going to take this money and this worker." "And I'm going to clean all the dust in his brain." "You should be ashamed treating your workers the way you do." "You see that over there?" "Why don't you write:" "Shitty Buildings." "Let's go, Bino." "I'll be back." "Come on!" "You're going to fall!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "You're going to fall!" "That's it!" "Binoculars." "Look at this shit." "Fuck..." "What is this shit?" " These are the binoculars." " You call these binoculars?" "Yes." "They were cheap." "They're cool." "You can't see shit with them!" "You think you can see anything with these?" "Shove these up your ass and see if you can see anything." "Come on, you." "Hurry up." "This is it." "The Pirate's Cave." "Here?" "The ghost could have picked a closer place to die." "Here?" "What?" "Cut the crap." "Tone?" "Isn't this the place where they say the pirate's ghost is?" "The pirate's ghost..." "If he shows up, we'll ask him if what he has instead of a hand is a key chain or a cork-screw." "Cut the crap." "Tone, you know there are some weird shit here." "Cosmic farts." "Shit." "And nobody knows what they are." "The fucking ghost is in there for so long, he must be retired by now." "And no white sheet motherfucker is going to scare me away." "So, be quiet and let's go." "Always the same fucking shit." "Who brought the lanterns and forgot the fucking batteries?" " Fuck, not me." " Not me either." "Bino must have hid them in his ass." "And with all this shit in here..." "The ghost!" "It's that son of a bitch!" "The ghost?" "What ghost?" "There's no ghost!" "Ghost, my ass..." "It's just the wind!" "It didn't sound like it, Tone." "Look at the blood..." ""Where the mud is red and the water is still." ""There hides the true key and open the door it will."" "Watch the hair!" "What the fuck is that?" "Don't touch it!" "Hold this shit."