"Annie." "Bridal check." "Annie?" "Okay, Dede, I want you to listen to me." "The body can confuse adrenaline for panic." "Oh, shut up." "The sky is pretty at dusk." "Oh, God, how bad?" "Code yellow, send David." "David." "Go." " Let me tell you a little story..." " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Screw the little stories." "Okay?" "Hey, Dede." "What's the problem?" "Uh, one guy for the rest of my life." "Every day, forever, the same guy till death." "Does that make any sense?" " Hey, Dede." " What?" "Let's get out of here for a second." "Yeah, good." "May I ask, do you love him?" "Yes." "I love him." "I'm just not in love." "You like him." "Greatest guy in the world." "As a father?" " Would be fantastic." " Money?" " Drips with it." " Sex." "It doesn't suck." "Greatest guy in the world, rich, good in bed." "Dede... what are you waiting for?" "You're right." "You're absolutely right." "Dede!" "We got a runner." "Don't worry." "Sammy!" "Sammy!" "Russell...!" "Transcript :" "Raceman" "Subtitles :" "Willow's Team" "Can you make sure you grab all those bolts?" "And watch your head." "The last thing we need, is an other desaster." "Okay, we've had runners before." "This one didn't pay for the reception, and there's a board meeting today." "The Pontell wedding is coming up." "It's going to be fine." "Speaking of which..." " Hey, what's shaking, ladies?" " Hi, Ralph." "Amanda wants to rehearse you with the wedding song." "She should be waiting for you" " in the ballroom." " Rehearse me?" "Make sure Russell is not at the board meeting." " He's the C.O.O., Annie." " Oh, my God, Annie!" "We finally solved the cleavage thing." "Can you take this?" " It's "Go big or go home."" " That's our motto." "Read our lips." ""Go big or go home."" " It's brilliant." " Brilliant." "Annie?" "Nicole!" "It jiggles." "My mother said, if it won't be still, she's making me wear sleeves." "Look at it go." "You could totally have that sucked out." "Oh, my God." "Totally." "I'm not getting married in sleeves!" "I mean, nobody..." " It's like a metronome." " It's so 1982." "Excuse me, ladies." "Sammy, twins, ushers." "Oh, Annie..." "Oh, my God." "She's totally wearing Cavalli." " End my life." " Can I help you?" "Amanda." "I'm hearing no purple hydrangeas." "And where is that wedding singer?" "He should be in the ballroom, waiting, and I believe Sammy is dry-running the groom and ushers as we speak." "Hello, Claudia Rose-- ah!" "She doesn't like other people." "You don't want to be standing straight across." "You want to be angled a little, flaring out." "Hey, please pay attention." "The wedding's in two days." "Hey!" "Great." "Okay." "By a show of hands, how many of you want to sleep with me?" "Put your hand down, Ivan." "No." "No." "No." "No." "No." "Hi." "Why wouldn't I be there?" "I'm the C.O.O." "I go to all the board meetings." " We'll talk about this later, Russell." " I'm the C.O.O." "Talk about it later." "How we doing, boss?" "Doing fine, David." "You doubt me?" "Should I cross my heart?" "Eyelash." "It's very dangerous to cross that heart." "I speak from experience." "There's a smile." "Do me a favor." "Anything." "Get out of my way." "Okay." "You haven't spoken to Russell." "I will." "Right now, I have Stella the she-mother coming in for her final menu check." "That reminds me." "Could you speak to Ernesto?" "He evidently put shrimp in the Epstein's marinara." "They're hired a lawyer." "Debbie!" "I've been trying to reach you." " Good news?" " Not too." "I was just outside with Laurie and Laine Hill and Nicole Harris when Amanda Pontell showed up." "What's our policy on brides bumping into each other, Debbie?" "It should never ever happen, 'cause it's their special special time, and each should feel like the only happy, happy little bride on the planet, 'cause it's their special special time." "That is our policy, Debbie." "Thank you." "Okay, stop." "Stop." "Stop." "That was wrong." "What's wrong?" "We just started." "The vamp was undisciplined." "It goes..." "The musicians were sloppy." "Okay." "So say it so I know you've got it." "I want the whole band to say it." "Band." "I'm disappointed." "Ernesto?" "Ernesto?" "Ciao, Gianna." "The mushrooms in the Pontell sauce are unbudgeted and unauthorized." " My Gianna..." " It's Jane." "You have to stick to the exact menu, Ernesto." "The Epsteins reported the shrimp to the Anti-Defamation League, and they're calling it a hate crime." "Now, Stella Pontell will be here shortly, and I need to tell her that the order will be exact, so what is this?" "My little whore." "I beg your pardon?" "Puttanesca." "In Italian, it means "my little whore."" "I see." "Okay." "And besides the unbudgeted and unauthorized mushrooms, what exactly is in it?" "No idea." " What?" " I never keep track." "I put in a little of this, a little of that, until it just happens." "Like sex." " Yes, I see." "So..." " Spontaneous." "Not a schedule, like you have with Russell." "My husband and I have a very passionate and spontaneous love life." "Not that it's the least of your business, Ernesto." " Gianna?" " Yes?" "Smell it." "It's not necessary." "I believe you..." "Smell." "It's fine." "Taste." "Come on." "Taste." "It's very fine." "Explode in your mouth like the orgasm, no?" "It cannot be planned." "Again." " What's this?" " What's what?" " We were just testing his..." " My little whore." "May I talk to you for a second, please?" " Annie..." " Stop!" "Stop!" "Annie has directed me not to be at the board meeting." "I'm the chief operating officer, for God's sake." "You offended the board last time." "I simply tried to share my knowledge of tax law, which is vast." "Sweetheart, you have been under a lot of stress, and we have this huge wedding coming up." "Why don't you take this hour and play squash and decompress?" "You want me completely off the premises?" "It would be best, honey." " Hey, Russell." " Hey." "Did you tell Ernesto that Russell and I have scheduled sex?" " No." " Well, he knows, thank you." "And what's with the post-coital hair?" " What?" " Never mind what." "Sammy, you have sex hair." "Who was it?" "Please tell me that it was not a member of the wedding party." "Oh, my God." "At least tell me it was not the groom." "I don't know quite what to say." "I have a squash match." " You play?" " I don't, actually, but, um," "I'm certainly tempted now." "Is there something about me that invites the put-downs?" "What's going on, Russel?" "I, uh," "I think Jane is attracted to Ernesto." " The chef?" " He's very sexy." "He wears his clothes well, especially slacks." "Jane likes that." "Well, Jane has seen you in the shorts." "Forget it." "I don't even know why I brought you in here in the first place." "Russell, do you ever romance Jane?" "Cook her dinner, bring her flowers." "Maybe write her a little note, telling her how much you love her." "We're married." "Married women especially need romance." "You, uh... you've had lots of affairs with married women, haven't you?" "Let Jane know how much you love her." "Hey, Russell, I need to borrow a..." "oh, my God." "You trying to get arrested?" "This is a closed-door conversation, Sammy." "Out." "Get out of here." "Fine." "Fine." "Fine." "And you could also close the door, too." "Oh, hello." "Welcome." "Hi." "Excuse me." "Stella Pontell, mother of the bride." "I'm an acquired taste." "I'm here to discuss the menu." "I understand you're one of the Bell sisters." "Yes." "Actually, my sister Jane handles the menus." "So if you..." "Yes." "I hold $500 in my hand." "You will take this on consideration of the following:" "My little baby's marrying a Jew." "I have no problem with this." "They're very nice people." "The $500 is for you to get the mail-order minister to slip in "Jesus" twice." "I don't care when." "If he wants to stub his toe and say "Jesus Christ," I'll take it." "But the man's a savior," "He deserves a mention." "You'll do this for me." "Sammy's trolling for ushers again." "You need to speak to her;" "she doesn't listen to me." "Okay." "You talk to Ernesto about the puttanesca?" "Yes." "His little..." "puttanesca is fine." "That was an interesting tone." "Everything okay with you and Russell?" "Fine." "Why shouldn't it be?" "No reason." "Everything okay with you and David?" " David and I..." " Are over." "Yes, I know." " If you're gonna accuse me of denial..." " Accuse you of denial?" "Yeah, you did it with a look." " A look?" " Yes, the Annie look." "God help us all if you didn't shoot them, I suppose, otherwise, we wouldn't know your feelings or if you even had them." "You don't think I have feelings?" "Of course you do." "I know you still have feelings for David." " No, I do not." " It won't kill you to go over there, just show up at his house one night." "Are you taking some new medication?" "You know what, Annie, may I be honest?" "When Mom and Dad divorced and we came rushing back here to take over this place, it was because we couldn't stand to see it go under," "I guess." "But in the mad rush, some of us never got around to dealing with the devastation of that divorce." "I have no idea what you mean." "On some level, I think you throw weddings, Annie, to preserve a certain facade that goes to our childhood when we were happiest, when Mom and Dad were together." "But you were hurt when they split." "And when you and David split, you also..." "That's all I'm trying to say." "Fine." "Fine." "Stop, stop, stop!" "It's not working." " What's not working?" " It." "You." "You're not real." "I'm sorry to say so, but I'm sure you've been told before." "You're telling me I'm not real?" "Lady, I'm real." "I've been real all my life." "Unlike you, I grew up wanting to be somebody." "Not a person who just collects things like..." " But you didn't, did you?" " What's that?" "You didn't grow up to be anybody." "You're a wedding singer." "I could be wrong, but it seems you've long given up hope of having any moments in your life, so your job is to help other people celebrate the moments in theirs." "That's what wedding singers do." "Well, this is... my moment." "Look at you." "Dead animal around your neck, with your little ugly dog, diamonds dripping down your bony white ass." "You wouldn't know real or anything resembling real emotion, you loveless fraud." " I will speak to him immediately." " It's too late for that." "Amanda, your wedding is Saturday." "Where else can you go at this point?" "That's my concern." "It's certainly no longer any of yours." "If I do not receive a full refund by end of business tomorrow," "I will be contacting my attorneys." "Of which I have dozens." "You need to apologize now." "I'm sorry, Jane." " I just snapped." " What happened?" "She just saw me for what I am, I guess." " Which is what?" " A wedding singer." "I mean, you call this a career?" "If I have to sing "I Will Survive" one more..." "Honey, if you want to survive, you will apologize and tell her that she..." "Tell her she's hot." " Tell her what?" " Just do it." "No offense, but, uh... you sisters, you own your own business, you're all beautiful." "You don't know what it's like to hurt, to struggle, to..." "Oh, really?" "You know, Ralph, there was this boy in college, and I loved him more than life itself." "And when he left me," "I just, I didn't think I would live." "So I know hurt." "Seems you recovered fine." "Yeah, well..." "First, I was afraid, I was petrified." "Kept thinking I could never live without him by my side." "Then I spent so many nights thinking how he did me wrong and I grew strong..." " You think you're funny, don't you?" " I do." "Don't you?" " I hate you so much." " Come on." "Hey." "How we doing?" "He wants to know how we're doing." "Do I really look like the type of girl you just score at a bar?" "Well, yes." "Okay." "You need to walk away now." "Oh, come on." " If you don't, I'll hit you." " Jane..." "Which would leave you two choices:" "you depart with a bloody lip" " or you hit me back." " Jane..." "Which do you think would cast you in a better light?" "You hit me, I'll hit him." "Great." "I knew it." "You hit him, I hit you." "And then you're finished hitting." "Come on." "Very volatile woman, Gianna." "It comes from passion, huh?" " Ah, my Gianna..." " This woman is married." "And you're not even Italian, by the way." "You're Greek." "You have a little button." "I beg your pardon?" "You have a little button." "It seems I know how to push it, eh?" "Scusi, Gianna." "Annie." "I tried calling." "I'm really sorry to bother you." "No, you're not bothering me." "Come on in." "I'm actually working." "It's kind of a towel layout for Williams Fabrics." "It's kind of a biggie." "Amanda Pontell." "No, thanks." "Amanda Pontell's still on the verge of..." "Hi." "Oh, hey." "Susie Barker meet Annie Bell." "My boss." "The one that runs the Wedding Palace?" "This is her." "Oh." "Wow." "I just have to tell you I admire you so much." "It's always been a goal of mine to run my own business one day." "And, well, at such a young age, you are an inspiration." "Thank you." "You're naked." "Naked woman is shaking my hand." "Actually, that's part of the campaign." ""At night, she wears only her Williams towel."" "Or something like that." "Okay." "I'll let... you two..." "Yeah, thanks." "Why don't you try the blue one." " Yeah." " Good." "Yeah." "You think you could have another go at Amanda in the morning?" "First thing." "Great." "Good night." "Night, Annie." "How long has she been in there?" "Over an hour." "Okay, let me talk to her alone." " Maybe we both should go." " No." " Why?" " Go." "But I'm C.O.O." "Hey, Amanda." "What ya doing?" "I'm meditating." "When I get like this, I come to places of God to relax." "All the churches are closed, so I came here." "Though this would hardly be a venue he'd linger at." "I see." "Are you relaxing?" "No." "How could I after all you people have done to me?" "You hurt Ralph, Amanda." "You called him "nothing but a wedding singer."" "He called me loveless." " Do you consider yourself loveless?" " No, I do not." "Why so bothered then?" " Is there something else?" " No." " I think there is." " Well, you're wrong." "And once I pick up my refund tomorrow, I will have no more dialogue with you wrong people." "Okay." "May I ask you one last question, wedding planner?" "Sure." "Does marriage work?" "There are many and varied definitions of success..." "Do you wake up seven years later just as much in love?" "Well..." "Don't you yearn sometimes to welcome a different man into your... private areas?" "I suppose." "But I love my husband way too much to ever throw out that particular welcome mat." "What about security?" "Do you finally feel it after you get married?" " Never." " What?" "Well, I shouldn't say that actually." "There are some people that feel that." "But the secure marriages are the ones" " that die by neglect." " What?" "The fragile turn out to be the most lasting." "That response did not satisfy me at all." "That was a wretched answer." "You have upset me further, wedding planner." "I feel a deep woe now." "You are only lucky I don't believe you." "Once I'm married, I will feel secure, I shall feel romantic and I will never, ever long to welcome another man into my private areas." "Out of my way, bean counter man." "I made her feel woe." "Woe?" "Me?" "Go to him?" "He's been unable to find you." "I could go to the ballroom and get him if you'd like to wait here, but it might just be easier..." "I came for my refund." "You gave me till the end of business." "Fine." "Amanda, don't you think it be better to...?" "Hi." "Out of my way, photographer man." "Actually, my name's David." "We've met several times." "That hand is reserved for matrimony." "I shall ask you to release it." "Well, at least listen to Ralph's apology, if for no other reason than to show you are the bigger person." "That's it?" "I thought you'd be better." "Amanda." "You said ever since you were nine years old when you first drove by the Wedding Palace, this is where you wanted to get married." "Are you really going to cancel your dream over a little spat with the bandleader... who we both know you're bigger than?" "A little better." "She is off to the ballroom." "Good." "Let's hope Ralph comes through." "Annie, uh..." "last night..." "You were working." "I was working." "Look, David, you don't owe me any explanation." "We're not together anymore." "You ever thought about getting together again?" "No." "Anything else?" "No." "Mr. Wedding Singer." "Yes?" "I'm informed you wish to speak to me." "Hey, Amanda." "How's it going?" "Look, I'm sorry, okay?" "That was wrenching." "It's just..." "the nerve you struck..." "The truth is..." "I'm probably a little bit jealous of you." "I mean, you're beautiful, you're rich, you have somebody to love, somebody who loves you." "Me, all I got is a dream-- that someday I'm going to be somebody." "And when you hit me with the truth, that I'm nothing but a wedding singer, well, it was..." "You have the band scoring your apology?" "Amanda, it would be a claim to fame of sorts to be your wedding singer." "The truth is I find you hot." "Okay, we are back on." "Make sure those hydrangeas are still vivid." " Vibrant." " Oh, Annie!" "Oh, my God, we just had our fitting." "Our cleavage projects to the back row." "I got 'em." "Now get your Doublemint twinselves up against the wall, both of you, now, now." "Now, you listen here." "Come your wedding week, you two will be the only brides that matter." "But this isn't your wedding week." "This is Amanda Pontell's wedding week." "So don't you be going around showing your cleavage, giving advice to other brides, talking about the matching tourniquets you're trying to pass off as wedding gowns." "What's wrong with the both of you?" "Why are you looking at me like that?" "Um, please don't take this personally." "But we're totally afraid of black people." "Not the Cosby kind." "But when they're angry." "It's totally cultural." "Oh, my God, totally." "Do you have a record?" "And I was hoping, you know, even though the wedding isn't going to be here that you and I could continue to see each other." "Um, I don't know, Jack." "I'm not big on dating men I've slept with." "Wait, are you joking?" "I'm joking, Jack." "But if we are going to date..." "I'd want to take things slow." "Don't go throwing me up against a wall trying to take my clothes off just, 'cause, you know, I might like it." "I wouldn't do that." "Oh, God, shirt off." "You're married?" "Is that a problem?" "You didn't ask him before you...?" "If-if he was married?" "We weren't playing 20 Questions, Jane." "I don't think he was wearing the ring before." " You fell for him, didn't you?" " Don't start with me, Jane." "I will hide your day planner and you will never have sex again." " Okay, Sammy, you know what...?" " I did not fall for him, okay?" "It's ridiculous." "I will not be told how to cook by an accountant." "I'm not an accountant." "I'm the C.O.O..." "Hey!" " This little man..." " I'm not a little man, Ernesto." "I'm in the 99th percentile." "It's fine, Ernesto." "Go." "Six-foot-four dripping wet." "When is the last time you did a pull-up, huh?" "Put that in your puttanesca." "You don't listen to me, telling me all this..." "Russell, honey, what's going on?" "You tell me." "What do you mean?" "You and Ernesto." "I-I certainly don't know what you're talking about." " Yes, you do." " I do not." "Jane." "Russell." "All right, let me ask you a simple, straightforward question." "You give me a simple answer." "Fine." "Are you attracted to him?" " Who?" " Who?" "!" " Ernesto?" " Yes, Ernesto!" "Are you attracted to him?" "Uh, okay..." "fine, if I think about it, which I have never done up until now, this point righ there, and you're asking me-- then, yeah, he's cute in a rough sort of way." "Honey, you certainly cannot think that I would ever act on that." "Come on." "Okay, like you've never been attracted to another woman, Russell?" " It's different." " How?" "Why?" "Because with men, it's chemical, with women, it's cognitive." "And if she's truly in love with a man, scientifically impossible for her to be drawn to another man." "Okay, can we focus just for one second on your mental health, Russell?" "Do you honestly believe that a woman who is happily married cannot possibly be attracted to another man?" "Look, once you say it's okay for a wife to lust after another man, you make it a little bit more acceptable, okay?" "And that makes it more permissible, and then inevitable." "That's why you have a 50% divorce rate, because it's okay for the modern married woman to sit around with her modern married friends and talk about who they'd like to have sex with." "They think it's okay to think it, to want it, to talk about that they want it, which is a short step from it's okay to do it." "Which is why you do not think it, you do not want it, you don't even think about wanting it, ever." "Do I make myself clear?" "Russell, that was almost sexy." "The cherries jubilee must be the crowning moment." "The flame must symbolize love itself and burn eternally." "It should be in the foreground of the picture, back-dropped by the bride and groom." "Absolutely, yeah." "We need to speak briefly about my sister." "What about her?" "She won't hesitate to make it all about her." "She pretends to hyperventilate so she can pull out a paper bag and breathe into it." "And she cries just to get me." "To get you?" "I have defective tear ducts." "It's genetic." "I can't cry." "If she acts up, we need to get her out." "We can claim later it was a mistake." "So, have we covered everything?" "I am not going out there." "Amanda..." "No, I feel unsexy." "I couldn't possibly get married feeling like this." "Amanda, this is another common anxiety." "It's right up..." "I am not going out there." "Really?" "Why?" "'Cause I don't feel sexy!" "I need to feel sexy on my wedding day and I'm not sexy!" "I'd like to ask everyone else to leave, please?" "No bride ever feels sexy in a wedding gown, Amanda." "The whole getup is designed to sell virginity." "Let me ask you a question." "Growing up, you ever dream of being in Playboy?" "How dare you get vulgar with me?" "Lose the cape." " What?" " Eighty-six the rabbit." " It was something borrowed." " Amanda, lose the cape." "Ah, look at that beautiful neck." "Look at me." "All right, good." "Stand up." "Let me see you." "Come on." "Stay right there." "Good." "Lick your lips." "Okay, maybe not." "Something is wrong, I can feel it." "Something is wrong with my baby." "Everything is fine." "Just a few last-minute touch-ups." "Okay, why don't you stand over by the mirror?" "Come on." "There's three of them." "You've never seen one you didn't like." "Get over there." "Come on." "All right, now hoist up your dress." "What?" "!" "Okay, this is going to be our little secret." "Let's see." "On your 25th wedding anniversary-- let me see this-- you're going to reach into a drawer and pull out some pictures, pictures from your wedding when you never felt sexier." "Now hoist the dress." " I will do no such thing." " Hoist it!" "Oh, you're playing mysterious with me, good." "Marilyn." "Oh, there we go." "Oh, you're hiding from me now, you little naughty girl." "What are you doing next week?" "I'm kidding." "Stop it." "We are gathered here in the name of love and God." "Whether your God be Jesus Christ," "Moses," "Mohammed." "We are here to celebrate the love and union of Amanda Pontell and Jesus Christ..." "Ivan Cohen." "I beg your pardon." "What the heck are you guys doing?" "!" "We got ten minutes." "Okay, okay, let's one more time, all right?" "To love, honor and obey till death do you part?" "I do." "I really do." "Ivan, you may kiss the bride." "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Ivan Cohen." "Mother's turn, darling." "Did you see the chartreuse mini roses?" " Oh, my God, mental note." " You think?" "Hey!" " Oh, my God, it's the black person." " I see that." "We know it's her day." "We're just wedding crashers." "Wedding crashers?" "What part of "This is not your day" do you not understand?" "Come here." "Let me show you something." "Out, in." "Out, in." "That's amazing." " Did you get my note?" " I did." "I've never been called "the pumpkin" of someone's eye before, and it was especially romantic the way you attached it as an amendment to your proposal to open a gift shop." "I, uh, I'm sorry." "Sort of lost it there for a little." "I sort of like it that you still get jealous, Russell." "I have some time saved tomorrow, say 4:15-ish?" "That would be lovely." "Oh, Mr. Wedding Singer." "I'm Stella Pontell, mother of the bride." "I'm an acquired taste." "My daughter would like you to play "I Will Survive."" "Oh, I don't know that song." "I'm reliably informed that you do." " No, I don't." " Yes, you do, and you will play it." "Tell me the truth, Sammy." "How many times have you been in love, truly?" "Thirty-two." "Okay." "May I have your attention please?" "At this time, we'd all like you to enjoy the cherries jubilee!" "Yes!" "Look at it!" "It's beautiful!" "The eternal flame!" "Look, the eternal flame of love." "Oh, it's beautiful." "Bring it on out here." "That's it." "That's it." "Come on, honey." "This is our crowning moment." "Everybody, get your cameras." "Great photo op." "Aren't they a darling couple?" "What do you say, boss?" "We made it." "Yes, we did." "Thank you." "You certainly have a way with calming women." "They just seem to trust you." "Not all of them." "David, whatever reasons we didn't work out and I remain convinced that it's the best thing that we, um..." " Broke up?" " Yes." "Broke up." "If I ever sent you the message that I don't have feelings for you, that's not right, because I do." "That was really hard, wasn't it?" "You have no idea." "Can we try it again without the arms folded?" "Sorry." "I'm sure you know..." "I still have a few feelings left for you myself." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "I'm on fire!" "I'm really on fire!" "Somebody help me!" "Security, bride on fire in the ballroom." "Okay, that's all right." "Okay, now." "Everything is fine." "Go back to normal." "Enjoy the party."