"Got somthing on your face... oh what?" "Me." "my god I feel like such a hoebag but I'm still glad I did it" "I do declare spending special relationary time with my girlfriend... makes me happier then a bullfrog in a beetle bin" "Why are you talking like that?" "Cause I'm smitten with my girlfriend lady... and this is my smitten voice" "Why?" "What voice do you use when you're smitten" "My normal voice" "You know what?" "You hide it well but you're a very strange person" "M'aam" "How'd I do... 17 that's impressive... but I'm going to kick your arse... and, time me" "What's going on seabizzle?" "We're seeing who can last the longest in Mr Silar's room" "He has a fungal infection under the fat flaps in his stomash" "It smells like the time I put Izzy's doo-doo diaper in the microwave." "you guys are playing smelly-belly" "Time?" "16 seconds." "Come on" " I win See that's what I'm talking about... that's how it goes when you fight me" "Hold On Turk Let's not declare victory... until we give a shot to Dr John Dorian... and his nostrils of steel" "Your nose can't handle smells of that magnitude" "Make some room... uh-huh, on the clock uh-huh... you have got to be kidding me... that is the most disgusting thing I have ever smelt... and a sugar free latte for..." "the winner" "Victory tastes delicious" "You guys aren't even friends... why do you spend so much time competing over every thing... because we're men... and that's what men do... now a quick look to Turk... to see if that is what men do" "Huh whatta you know... don't forget I crushed you in find the vein in the junkie... yeah but I beat you good at gossball" "That's nothing yesterday I won fee muffins for life... by guessing how many coffee beans... there were in that there jar" "Actually they had a recount... and you came in second" "What?" "Who came in first?" "#You know the muffin man the muffin man#" "If anyone need me I'll be in my office... going to town on these bad boys... why are you guys obsessed... with reliving everything you've won" "Because we're winners... and that's what winners do... back to Turk for confirmation... damn it." "if you'd ever won anything... you'd know what we're talking about" "Oh I've won something Perry" "We threw our nerd farther then yours" "Suck It Bitch" "Guys I think their nerd is unconscious... we should probably roll him over" "That's the moment I realised I wanted to be a doctor" "Scrubs" " Season 7 Episode 6 My Number One Doctor" "Subtitles by STS" "Every doctor has their own way of dealing with patients" "Turk was all about efficiency" "Why are you standing on a chair?" "Because from this spot I can see into 4 rooms... without actually going in... check it" "Patients of Doctor Turk... how are we?" "OK... all good" "Fine... muffled answer... guy had some tongue surgery... he's actually OK though" "Elliot referred a more personal approach" "Shannon what's happening girlfriend?" "yeah I know I cant pull off calling someone girlfriend... but she likes it so" "I do can't help it" "Shannon's back... it's been so great getting to know her... see that's the great thing about being in private practice" "You get to treat the same patients all the time... oh come on you guys... [whispers] shhh people are sleeping here... [whispers] well I guess you think it's so funny... [speaks normally] Why am I whispering... listen Barbie, I'd love to take credit for this idea... but it was all Big Bobby Kelso... ah come on heck" "Quick announcement I have signed sacred heart... up for website called Rate your Doctor... where patients can evaluate and score their doctors" "I think it's going to lead to a better patient care... and if along the way... you all become paranoid and overly competitive... happy birthday to me" "Dr Kelso I became a doctor to save lives... heal wounds... and occasionally drop the M.D. Bomb... to pull hot tail in bars... you know what else works?" "Cosmonaut." "Try it thank me later" "Noted" "Oh I reckon my lady is as purty... as a porcupine on roller skates... that doesn't even make sense" "That's what we smitten folk call a metaphor... you young lady... have a head that's as empty as... a whipperwheel in a tub of moonshine... there you go... he's out of his freaking mind... how does that woman go out with him?" "Well I would say that love is blind... but we both know that isn't true... my love for Enid falls a percentage point... with every pound she gains" "Since our wedding day" "I am 136% less in love with her... you really going to comment on your wife's weight... when you have muffins stuffed down your pants" "I like them warm" "So you're experiencing... vomiting and shortness of breath... neither of which are consistant with your ALS..." "[JD] It's hard to be comfortable... around terminal patients... but Shannon made it easy" "So how's the ALS progressing" "Oh it's been a blast... her legs are fully paralysed... and her arms are on their way" "That does sound fun... yeah but you know what" "I think I'm ready for all this... said goodbye to all my friends... hell I even had my funeral already... she looked so beautiful in her casket" "I'm sure you did" "I wasn't in a casket" "I know that... come on who would do that... except for vampires" "I told you he was gullible" "Shannon I hate to leave... but I really want to get these down the lab for testing" "OK" "I can stay... so you went to your own funeral huh... people sad enough for you?" "most of them... and anyone that wasn't crying got a talking to" "You should have invited me" "I can cry on cue... say dead puppies 'dead puppies'" "Connecting with patients... always come easier to me then it did to some others" "Have a good day Mr Woolmer" "Wow... you actually learned your patients name" "If you don't kill them in the operating room... you can take them out dancing" "I doubt it" "I'm amputating his foot later... but he's still going to give me a good review... you see we're D.B.F.Fs Huh?" "Diabetic best friends forever... you don't usually bond with your patients" "You're not going to change who you are as a doctor... to get good ratings are you?" "Hell to the no" "Are you?" "{laughs] oh please." "So you're declining chemo... because wikipedia says the raw food diet... reverses the effects of bone cancer" "Well" " Hey any info you have... that I can pass on to my other patients... would just be super and by-the-by... while you're on your computer... perhaps you could jump over to a site called rateyourdoc. org..." "patients of Doctor Turk... would you like any ono-on-one time... with your surgeon" "Please." "Sure." "Yeah." "Love to." "A private consultation with my surgeon... would be very much appreciated thank you" "Damn someone's done their healing too fast" "There, I gave you 5 stars" "Thank you and now I have to take your laptop from you... as I've deemed you just too damn stupid to use it." "You see those bell peppers that you're munching" "They're going to do a truckload of jack... against the cancer raging inside of your body... of course I've only been a doctor for some twenty years... and the person who wrote... that wikipedia entry also authored... the Battlestar Galactica episode guide... so what the heck do I know... but if you feel like living page me..." "so 'Lady' is an unusual name" "Oh tell me about it" "I was conceived after my parents... saw the movie 'Lady and the Tramp'" "That's so sweet yeah" "Oh gotta go and meet my guy out front" "Nice meeting you Carla" "Sir you'll never believe this..." "'Lady' is normal" "I'm sorry did you also win free muffins for life" "I didn't think so" "Now let me read the final Harry Potter novel in peace... everyone's already read that... yes but if anyone divulges any details to me... what happens Murphy?" "You draw Harry Potter Glasses on their face... in permanent marker That's right" "Now I don't give a hoot... about the janitor and his gal pal OK... so shove off" "You wouldn't dare draw on me... and I already know if Harry... lives or dies at the end" "So Lady's completely normal huh?" "Can you believe that?" "HI Elliot wassup?" "Good News" "Your symptoms aren't ALS related you just took to many baclofens... you probably just mixed up your meds..." "[JD] In a hospital little mysteries... get solved every day" "You look nice" "I'm just glad to get out of that uni and into my regular clothes." "That's why she likes him... he's pretending to be normal... [shouts] NO WAY." "too much?" "mmm-huh..." "[JD] Sometimes the answers right in front of your face... you gotta be kidding me there has to be an error... are you guys still looking at that stupid website?" "I told you those ratings are meaningle......." "I'm number 1" "The number 1 doctor yes yes... number 1 number 1" "I gotta make a big phone call... call mommy... and sometime you never could have seen it coming" "You gotta be more careful with your medications" "I mean the Baclofens aren't so bad... but if you took too many benzodiazepines" "You could have died... then that's definately what I'll do next time" "Grape?" "Why would you purposefully overdose?" "You know the answer to that" "I've said my goodbyes... and soon I won't be able to move my arms... or even speak" "I am literally going to die... entombed in this body... a lifeless burden to Gayle... who's Gayle?" "My home care nurse" "I know she's sweet but she's a little silly for my taste" "Oh God she flying." "how is she getting her scarf to blow like that" "I get to go next" "Elliot" "I want things to end on my terms... and in a few months" "I won't even be able to do that" "Why are you telling me all of this?" "I mean this goes against everything I stand for" "Shannon I'm your doctor" "I know... but you're also my friend" "One blueberry please... because i can" "So.." "What do you want to do tonight?" "Well it's Friday which is date night" "So perhaps we should see a movie... and then get some ice cream... while we walk and hold hands" "I vote Yes" "What the hell are you doing?" "Khaki?" "You never wear khaki" "My uniform is khaki" "Your uniform is blue... no yes... leave me alone... yeah right" "Are you coming?" "well I might as well" "Miriam here has already ruined the book for me" "The rate your doc website... also had a comments section" "Oh come on what's up with Dr Cox's hair?" "One week he's bald The next week he... looks like Shirley Temple signed Michelle M." "Oh it's called rate your 'doc'. org" "I'm on a completely different more awesome site" "See Woah." "Can I borrow your laptop" "Just for a second please Thank you" "Yep." "Still number one" "Now to put the cursor back... on Doctor Turk who's lower down... on the ranking list scrolling down... scrolling scrolling fake watch" "Scrolling" "There he is... all the way at the bottom right above Dr Murphy here" "How can I be last?" "All my patients are dead" "Doug, do you remember that guy you put in the morgue drawer?" "Turns out he was just heavily sedated" "Oh yeah you're right... all the comments are from him" "My ALS patient just told me... she tried to kill herself" "Shannon?" "What are you going to do?" "Well Barbie you have two choices... you can either tell on her or look the other way" "Now me I'd go ahead and crank up the Moody Blues... and suffocate her with a pillow cause I'm a helper... as always thank you... welcome." "Someone named Coco Blasco wrote... that she's sick of me saying..." "'That's what I'm talking about' but sometimes it is what I'm talking about" "Tell me this... do you like her?" "Well I've never met her before but nah... in fact I may hate her" "I'm talking about Lady... if you like her... you can't keep lying to her about who you are" "Hogwash Lie forever... it's the natural form of communication... between men and women" "Hell Enid still thinks it's too snowy to go outside" "I spray the windows with shaving cream... to keep her out of the yard her wheelchair tears up the grass" "Until you let Lady know the real you... your relationship is not real and it's going to end... but I want it to end" "That's his sad voice" "I can't lose to JD I don't care what it takes" "I thought he was your best friend" "Winning is way more important then friendship... my gran gran taught me that... his patients love him how do we undo that... after you're done rating me on rateyourdoc. org... go to my website the toddtime. com... be sure to check out the 'Tranny Todd' feature" "It lets you see what the big dog looks like with girl parts" "M'aam the key to a speedy recovery... is less moaning more boning... as sure as my name is Doctor John Dorian... that's what I'm talking about" "I said it again yeah" "Ah damn" "Hey" "I've been looking for you... you can't imagine what it's like to know you're going to be... trapped in your own body... just waiting for your misery to end" "Elliot you can't let this girl do this again... you gotta tell Gayle so she can police it... but may be dying is the right choice for her... but i don't think it's the right choice for you... you know as doctors sometime we have to... protect ourselves first" "I know you better than anybody... you believe in the sanctity of life... if you let this girl kill herself... it's going to haunt you forever" "I can handle it... you remember when you were treating that teenager... and you broke his i-pod... you felt so guilty you let him take you to prom... yeah but I left early and I barely put out" "I just don't want you to get hurt... you're right" "I'll tell Gayle" "Thanks... do you know I'm the number one doctor in the hospital... yes JD I got all......" "Oh hi are we going out?" "what's with the jumpsuit?" "Well first of all if we're going to make it... not a jumpsuit shirt, belt, pants... oh O.K." "Secondly I think it's time you knew the real me... all right here we go" "I'm not like normal people" "I don't have super powers but I'm working on it... for instance watch me move this pen... it worked at home I don't know why... maybe my table is slanted... anyway in my spare time" "I also enjoy stuffing animals... usually with other animals... for instance a badger will hold five squirrels... a squirrel will hold most of a cat... a mouse will hold a shrew and a vole... you get the idea circle of life" "I have broken the sound barrier... but you must never ask me how" "I don't believe in the moon I think it's just the back of the sun" "Huh I love a good train wreck... furthermore, I think if you look closely at... stop it you she doesn't know you're joking... oh he's joking" "Thank God... and so the lying begins" "You big joker... go change and I'll meet you outside... what just happened?" "did I just blackout?" "did the pen move?" "you have to dole out your crazy in little pieces... you can't do it all at once... oh, all right" "Hey watta say 23?" "Oh my God another new nickname... but what does it mean?" "play it cool 23 you'll find out eventually... that's what they call me... why do they call me that?" "It's your new website rating" "What?" "How did I drop so low?" "you know after I fix that gall bladder... you might want me to do something about those flat boobies" "All I wanted to do was win at something... for once and when I finally do... you have to go and..." "Excuse me but do you really want me here... for a lecture that I'm not going to feel the least bit guilty about... dismissed... him I expect this from but you... you're my closest friend" "In college we shared a toothbrush" "I was not aware of that we did... look, is there anything I can do to make it up to you" "Here you go buddy... your very own unicorn... she's glorious" "Turk My Bad... is there anything I can do to make it up to you" "Here's your Unicorn" "Turk, she's beautiful" "Oh look at her mane" "Turk" "I gotta tell ya Unicorns aren't real... stop it they're not real... there's nothing you can do... what if I let you beat me in basketball... while the nurses watch?" "Can we yell white lightning everytime I make a basket... we always do" "Gayle's bringing the cat around so I guess this is......" "Don't You know I hate the G word" "Elliot thank you for everything... you've been an amazing friend to me" "White Lightning" "Dude, enough practise lay-ups I'm getting hoarse" "White Lightning... are you even listening to me?" "[JD] when you have something you have to get off your chest" "There are a couple of things you can do" "You can test the water... check this out I found it at a garage sale" "Oh my God that is disgusting" "Yeah I know I think so too" "I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page..." "[JD] Or you can come completely clean" "I talked to Kelso about the whole Todd thing... and you're back at number 1" "That's what I'm talking about" "I figure as you can't say it anymore maybe I can have it" "No..." "[JD] of course if you're really the number one doctor... you might end up keeping things to yourself" "Is there anything else I need to know?" "No Nothing else..." "[JD} Even if it will haunt you forever" "Subtitles by STS"