"Hey, honey." "I found a box of your stuff in your closet." "You must have forgotten it in your big-boy move." "Well, what do you got there?" "I think" "Wow, look at all the trophies." "I had no idea you were into sports." "Michael, into sports?" "Those are all academic decathlon trophies." "Yeah." "They're actually just bowling trophies..." "... withthebowlingballscutoff." "I was wondering why all the smart people stood like this:" "Oh, check this out." "It's a picture of my old decathlon team." "That's your team, huh?" "Yeah." "That girl's actually kind of cute." "That's me." "I wonder what's on these." "You're just gonna pop a tape in in front of your mom?" "Aren't you worried that that might be something "adult-themed"?" "Like pornography?" "I'm not into that garbage." "I think the fact that it's so acceptable is a real embarrassment." "I love this guy." "Ma, I guess some of your tapes got mixed in with mine." "Mom." "Yeah, not much slowed her down." "Back then no one knew that was bad for your baby." "That was 20 years ago, Mom." "They totally knew." "It's okay, Michael." "It's okay, Michael." "My mom partied  whenshewaspregnantwith me, and I turned out pretty" " I... ." "That's the pigeon that took my sandwich!" "All right, the disposal should work now." "Flip the switch on." "Okay." "All right, turn it off." "All right, turn it on." "Turn it off." "Okay, turn it on." "All right, turn it off." "Turn it on." "Turn it off." "Thank you very much for your help." "Yeah, no problem" "Hey, where have you guys been?" "I took Michael underwear shopping." "Are you still wearing those things?" "What's the deal with this?" "Alex is fixing the garbage disposal." "My God, that is so strange." "From the neck down, I thought you were a boy." "From the neck down, I thought you were a Hooters waitress." "Nice." "Thanks." "I thought of it the other day." "You are never gonna believe who called me up today." "Donna DiGregorio." "She's coming to L.A ." "Donna?" "Donna's coming here?" "Why are you talking that way?" "What?" "What way is that?" "You remember my friend Donna from high school." "He used to have a thing for her." "He'd get nervous when she's around." "You?" "Yes, it's true." "Yeah." "My experience with Donna..." "... is why I don't make fun of you when you get weird around girls." "You make fun of me every time." "Come on, you are ridiculous." "We used to have some fun." "She taught me a lot:" "How to dress, how to drink, how to pick up guys." "She's basically the reason you're here." "I can't remember her." "What's she like?" "She's everything you could ever want in a girl." "Pretty?" "Yes." "Funny?" "Yes." "Smart?" "No." "This could be fun." "I was always afraid to go after her when I was young." "Now I've come into my own... ." "She's married." "Stupid monogamy!" "Guess who?" "Smells like hairspray, Juicy Fruit gum and tequila." "Donna DiGregorio?" "Hey, Donna." "Look at you, little Joey Tribbiani." "Wow, you look good." "I mean, not that I didn't think you would look good." "I mean, not that I thought about how you would look at all." "Hold it together." "You're semi-famous now." "Can you believe how she looks now?" "She's a spokesmodel." "This mattress clings to the contours of my body." "See, all that mattress experience paid off, huh?" "I cannot believe you are here." "Come here." "And you look so good." "I know." "So do you." "I know." "You should've been at the last reunion." "Everyone looks like crap." "They've either gotten fat or had weird plastic surgery." "Dumb-asses." "Alex." "Hey, this is Donna." "Donna." "Alex." "Donna's a friend of ours from high school." "Pleased to meet you." "Is this the one you were talking about?" "Yeah." "I see what you mean." "Oh, great." "There's two of them now." "Hey, Joey, can I use your phone?" "Sure." "Yeah." "You wanna check in with your husband?" "No." "I just gave Gina the whole story." "I'm getting divorced." "No." "Yes." "No." "Why?" "They just broke up." "She's very fragile." "I know." "It's gonna be so easy." "I am serious." "She's in the middle of a divorce." "She doesn't need you to complicate things." "No." "Donna was one of the few people who stuck by me when I got pregnant." "Now I would like to help her out." "Her life's messy enough without you." "Think I'll sleep with her, then lose interest?" "No, I think you're gonna marry her like all the others." "Come on." "Joey, this is important to me." "There are plenty other women out there." "Just stay away from this one." "Okay, fine." "Promise?" "I promise." "On Grandma's life?" "Yes." "The living one." "Damn it." "Okay." "I forgot to tell work I was leaving town." "I'm supposed to be in a bikini, jumping up and down on a trampoline right now." "What are you selling?" "Blenders." "Well, I gotta go get Michael." "You wanna come?" "We can sightsee." "I'd kind of like to hang around here for a while, if that's okay?" "Okay." "You get some sun, and you don't get anything." "You know, I've been following your career." "I guess some people are surprised you're a big success." "Me, I'm shocked." "Me too." "You just always seemed so shaky and nervous around people." "Yeah, I think that might have been more of a Donna-specific behavior." "Why?" "Is that why you used to breakdance for me?" "Shocking that didn't work, huh?" "Yeah." "So little Joey Tribbiani liked me." "I can't believe I didn't pick up on that." "I can believe it." "You had a lot of guys fighting for your attention." "You were something else." "Hey, Miss Mattress, you're coming with me." "This is fun, sorting through these tapes." "Only one more tape to go." "If this is another spelling bee, I'm gonna put a fork in my eye." "Weird." "Why is there a tape of kids playing baseball?" "Maybe you're out there?" "I doubt it." "I was awful at sports." "But I also don't like the idea of my mom just videotaping other children." "That's me." "This is weird." "I do kind of remember playing Little League for a while." "God, this is gonna be embarrassing." "I don't wanna see this." "No, but if you let me watch this..." "... afterwards, I'll show you a tape of me doing stand-up." "This guy heckles me and I totally lose it." "Deal." "Guys, back it up, we got Michael at the plate." "What?" "Even the coach is making fun of me?" "Another home run for Michael." "Wait a minute, was I good at baseball?" "It sure looks like it." "Why didn't I know that?" "Why did my mother keep this from me?" "Why is that little boy peeing on third base?" "Hey." "Hey." "Mom, was I good at baseball?" "What are you talking about?" "Why did you keep this from him?" "And what did that kid drink?" "Okay, you were a good ballplayer, but I pulled you out of it." "Why?" "Because I didn't want you to get hurt." "I was trying to protect you." "Joey, tell him I was right." "Well, I don't know, Gina." "I got hurt all the time as a kid." "Yeah, I got some scars, but each one taught me an important lesson." "Like, don't touch the stove." "Don't run with scissors in your mouth." "Don't lick the peanut butter off a steak knife." "You know, I don't have any scars." "Or body hair." "You think that is related to this?" "Look, I'm sorry." "I don't know what to say." "I'm sorry you don't have scars." "I was a terrible mother." "I'm just saying I missed out on something important." "Thank God you moved out." "Now you can play baseball and crack your head open all you want." "Cracking your head open." "Always stay seated in the roller coaster." "Hi." "You must be Michael." "I'm your mom's friend, Donna." "Oh, hi." "I didn't know you looked-- Look" "I mean, I had no idea that" " That" "Right there with you, buddy." "Nice to meet you." "Hey, what are you doing here?" "I don't know." "I guess I just wanted to come spend some time with you." "Why?" "Why?" "Do you need me to breakdance for you?" "See, I was out with Gina, and I loved being with her." "But we were sitting there talking, and for some reason..." "... I couldn't stop thinking about her little brother." "And how nice he'd grown up." "Are you touching me?" "Don't touch me." "You can't touch me." "You can't!" "You can't!" "You can't!" "Wow." "That's the first time that's ever happened." "No, no, no, Donna." "I would love to spend more time with you..." "... but I promised Gina I wouldn't do anything with you." "Why?" "She thinks you're in a weird place." "I'm not in a weird place." "I'm in your apartment." "God, you are the perfect amount of dumb." "She thinks you're in a weird place in your life, with the divorce." "She's afraid you're a little fragile." "It's too bad. could've been fun." "We're both very sexy." "It's funny, you like me, and I don't even notice you." "When I want you, and you can't do anything about it." "I guess it's not meant to be." "I'll see you." "Oh, my God, I have wanted to do that for so long." "Me too." "Really?" "Actually, it's only been since this morning." "But it's been tough." "God, I can't believe I fell asleep." "You should've woken me up." "I gotta get back to Gina's." "Last night can't end with you running out." "Let me make you breakfast." "I don't have time for that." "Come on, how many eggs you want?" "Six." "She's perfect." "So last night was really fun." "It was." "Yeah." "And not just the part that's supposed to be fun." "The talking, the sharing." "And I finally get what this cuddling fuss is all about." "I still can't believe this is happening." "You... ." "You are, like, my dream girl." "Michael, Joey, open up!" "Oh, my God." "Gina." "Okay, new plan." "Last night ends with you sneaking out the back and rolling down the hill." "We'll talk later." "Yeah." "You gotta get out of here." "What is taking so long?" "I'm  naked." "I'm just covering myself up." "Sorry." "I don't get you." "Why do you gotta walk around naked in your house?" "Why you gotta walk around naked in public?" "Because I like to make the world smile." "I'm really worried." "Donna didn't come home last night." "I'm sure she's fine." "What makes you say that?" "What makes people say anything, really." "I mean... ." "Was she here?" "Gina, I made a promise!" "Only six eggs." "This omelet isn't for you." "What's going on?" "It's for Michael." "He only takes two eggs." "That skinny, little bastard." "All right, look, I know I broke a promise." "But I have a good excuse." "Yeah?" "What?" "She is so hot!" "You are so unbelievable!" "Gina, come on." "She's a big girl." "She can make her own decision." "Not right now." "I didn't want you to mess with her." "I'm not messing with her." "I care about her." "Like you cared for 1 0 of my friends in a month." "Ah, yes, October of '89." "I can't believe you did this." "Wait a minute." "This is different from all those other girls, okay?" "I mean, maybe it's because there's a history with Donna..." "... butyesterday, when I was with her..." "... itwasthefirsttime  since I've been in L.A   thatI actually-- That I actually felt like I was home." "Damn it, that's nice." "Look, Gina, I don't wanna upset you, okay?" "But I am really into Donna, and I wanna see her again tonight." "You treat her right." "I promise." "And not the kind of promise I made before, a real one." "So you and Donna DiGregorio, huh?" "I guess the only friend of mine you haven't been with is Jenny Wagner." "October of '89?" "It was a good month." "Think I'll still be good at this?" "It's like having sex on a bicycle, it'll just come back to you." "How does my swing look?" "Like you're good at science." "Try it again." "Nice and hard this time." "All right." "Okay, I'm only saying this to be supportive and helpful." "Are you kidding?" "Just put quarters in the machine, will you, please?" "Shoot, I'm short one." "Give me another quarter." "Go in the glove compartment" "I thought you said you needed another quarter?" "For a gumball." "For a gum" "Oh, man." "This is one good gumball." "Still flavorful, you know?" "I mean, when it came out yellow..." "... I was all like, "What?"" "Hey." "Hey." "What happened to you?" "I was attacked by a gang of baseballs." "Oh, so you played?" "Well, I tried." "Any talent I had before is now gone." "Long gone." "Look, honey, I'm sorry." "You were good at a lot of things." "I had to make a choice." "You could be the jock or the smart kid." "I figured being the smart kid would lead you more places." "She's right." "We went to school with a lot of jocks." "And those guys are nowhere now, except for the three guys in the NBA." "I don't see why you had to choose." "Maybe you're right." "You gotta understand, when I made that decision, I was a kid." "I mean, when you were 5, I was 20." "That's how old you are now." "Well, I mean, if I look at it that way, I can forgive you for anything." "Good, because I also might have bathed with you longer than was appropriate." "See?" "You got scars..." "... ontheinside." "It took me three months to grow that, but help yourself." "Oh, sorry." "I got a big date tonight." "Really?" "Who with?" "You remember Donna?" "Yeah." "Did I see her rolling down the hill this morning?" "Oh, look at you." "You look so happy." "Are you in love?" "No." "On the way to being in love?" "No." "On the way to on the way to being in love?" "I think I might be." "That's great." "Well, you have to understand." "I had the biggest crush on this girl, you know?" "So I'd really built her up." "You'd think getting to be with her would be disappointing." "But I gotta say, the real girl is even better than the fantasy." "How is this gonna work?" "Doesn't she live in New York?" "Yeah." "She said she was toying with the idea of moving out here." "But I don't think it'll happen." "Tell her you want her to stay." "Yeah, you think?" "Yeah." "When I first met my husband..." "... wehadthisgreatcouple of weeks together." "I was supposed to leave for a job in Chicago." "He said:" ""Please don't go." "I don't ever wanna be apart."" "That's so sweet." "Yeah." "Then he took out his viola and played Billy Joel's "She's Always a Woman."" "And I had to smile through it like this." "So you think if I ask her, she might stay?" "Well, she'd be crazy if she didn't want to  becauseyouareone  of the last remaining good ones." "Really?" "Yeah, really." "There." "Thanks." "Thanks a lot, Alex." "Hey, say, Alex, you know..." "... ifDonnadoesmoveout, maybeyou, Gina and her could hang out, be friends." "Maybe." "Don't Billy Joel-smile me." "I was thinking for tonight..." "... Ithoughtmaybe we could have dinner..." "... atthisgreatlittleplace in Marina del Rey." "Then after that, we're gonna go to a dessert-only place in Newport." "After that, I thought maybe we could go for a walk on the beach in Malibu." "That's like five hours of driving." "Really?" "Why can't they make maps the size things really are?" "All right, I'm gonna go change some of our reservations." "Can I... ?" "I can't believe you are going out with my brother." "I don't wanna get ahead of myself, But if you guys got married..." "... doitat thePolishCommunityCenter on Queens Boulevard." "It's very classy." "I gotta talk to you about something." "What?" "You all right?" "No." "Gina, I feel really weird talking to you about this..." "... but I'm confused, and I don't know what to do." "What's the matter?" "Ron just called." "He wants to get back together." "And what did you say?" "I said I met someone else, and I had to think about it." "You're gonna tell Joey, right?" "You have to tell him." "Okay, couldn't change the reservations, so we gotta haul ass." "Are you ready, beautiful?" "Oh, Joey." "Those two would have some stupid kids." "Next week on Joey." "Something I've to tell you about Donna." "Oh, my God, we're related?" "Gina told me about me about Ron." "I feel like things could be great with you, but I don't know." "Then give me a week." "Let me try to make you happy." "Okay." "Okay, I'm gonna go plan it." "What are your three favorite things?" "Food, sex, watching TV." "See you, Ron." "Joey, don't worry about him." "He's 3000 miles away." "It's Ron." "lf he's 3000 miles away, he's loud." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH]"