"PUDDLE:" "Andy had been gone for two heavenly weeks when my mom finally heard from him." "ANDY:" "Baby, I did it." "I got Wilde Oil off the tribe's land." "EMMY:" "Wait, you're in Peru?" "I thought you left here because you were tired of sponging off of Steve." "Weren't you gonna go protest a Cart-Mart or something?" "No, no, no, I was working there as a greeter." "And then they fired me." "And then I was protesting that." "But that was actually more about keeping the vest." "It doesn't matter." "Anyway, I went to those oil jerks and threatened full-scale tribal war, and they bought it." "So we did it!" "Uh, no, I did it." "You were up there, gorging yourself on Steve's delicious lap of luxury, eating buttered croissants." "Well, you know, I still have causes." "I'm fighting for immigrants' rights." "And my major cause right now is helping Steve grow." "I'm getting him to the next level." "Of what?" "A video game?" "'Cause that's all he does." "PUDDLE:" "At that very moment, Steve had just gotten to level four of Alien Stoppers." "VOICE ON GAME:" "Aliens are invading." "See, Puddle, what you want to do is you want to swerve, hit all those aliens." "It's important to remember that when you do this in real life, you can be in for three weeks of legal hassles." "STEVE:" "No." "No!" "Oh, camel toes!" "Migo, I need you to come fix this video game." "I'm coming." "New video phone." "Lets me keep track of Migo at all times." "I cannot believe that this is what you are doing in the middle of the day." "I cannot believe that I haven't gotten you one of these video phones." "Hey, buddy, can you just jiggle those wires?" "On it." "Maybe I do need a new cause." "Huh." "That's exactly what you said she'd say." "Puddle!" "Puddle is not allowed to be around these violent games and video phones." "PUDDLE:" "For a second, it looked like I was gonna be my mom's new cause." "Hey, I've been trying to get off this couch for the last 20 minutes." "These guys are big." "They are big, man, and I'm holding the guacamole." "No, I'm gonna go upstairs and work on my Mavis Beacon Typing  game..." "Book." "It's more fun pretending to type on a book." "But in my defense," "I am teaching her important life skills, like how you can't step out of a skidding car without ripping your legs off." "And I was saying that she can." "Things of life that..." "Yeah." "He's a lost cause, isn't he?" "Who, Steve?" "Well, he's much better than he could be." "I mean, there was a time when he actually tried to do those crazy stunts for real." "(CELL PHONE RINGS)" "(SIGHS)" "Hey, Migo, we need you to settle a bet." "I've got to jump out of a moving car." "I'm coming." "No." "Migo, don't you ever feel like everybody else is out there accomplishing things that you once thought you would?" "I mean, come on." "You're still young." "You're vibrant." "You still look great in a pair of skinny jeans." "Yeah, I like to think so." "But didn't you dream of more than this?" "Like painting." "That's right." "You used to paint on every blank wall you could find." "Why did you stop?" "It was part of the plea agreement." "But, anyways, who has the time?" "I mean, to really throw myself into my art," "I'd need, I don't know, six months, maybe move into some garret, no distractions." "But something always seems to come up, like... (CELL PHONE RINGS)" "Hey, Migo, how difficult is this?" "Open bag, pour chips, put on helmet, step out of moving car?" "Let's go." "I'm coming." "PUDDLE:" "And that's when she found a cause." "No, he isn't." "Emmy, what are you doing?" "You've probably never taken a vacation." "Do it now." "Do something worthwhile with your life." "Follow your dream, Migo." "No, I..." "I can't leave Steve." "He needs me." "Our relationship is much deeper than it seems." "Now, I have some flame-retardant gel to go coat myself with." "Why don't you go home and get your camera?" "Yes." "And maybe my gun as well, to shoot out the tires." "It is bad enough that you have nothing but time to kill." "Do you have to kill Migo too?" "Migo loves this stuff." "No, Migo loves to paint." "And if you really cared about him, that's what you would let him do." "Well, the sports-car garage could use a yellow line." "He can paint that." "No, Steve, you have to give him time off." "The guy has never had a vacation." "Here I am, going to protest this group that's trying to limit immigrants' rights, and we have got a guy right here who's being mistreated." "Politics begins at home." "Hey, listen, he is welcome to take a vacation anytime he wants, but I'm telling you, he won't take it." "He likes it here." "Okay, folks, let's get out there before this goo hardens." "Actually, Migo, Steve has something he wants to tell you." "Oh, no." "No helmet?" "No." "What I was going to say is that I think you should take a vacation, even though I know you're gonna say no." "And obviously no helmet, we're gonna film this." "What do you think about that, Migo?" "Well, I..." "I don't know." "I mean, maybe I could take a week." "See, he does want a break." "Oh, well, that's fine with me." "I guess I could get somebody else to get me some chips." "So, take two weeks." "EMMY:" "See, Migo." "You're not as essential as you think." "Well, if you can find someone else to get chips," "I suppose I might as well take four weeks." "Looks like he wants a little more time off than you thought." "Well, take more." "Take two months." "What do you think about that, Migo?" "Maybe I'll take four months." "You see, Steve." "Take it." "Take half a year." "Fine." "I'm done with this phone." "Oh." "You can call someone else for a year." "PUDDLE:" "And that's how my mom broke up a 20-year friendship for a good cause." "PUDDLE:" "My mom was helping Migo pursue his dream." "So what do you think?" "I turned Steve's hunting cabin into an artist's space for you." "Everything the master needs." "Oh, Steve's here?" "You." "Master painter." "I don't know, Emmy." "I don't have my painting clothes." "I mean, I don't even know what to paint." "You're in the middle of nowhere." "You could paint in the nude if you want." "Is that something you want?" "My point is you have privacy." "You're surrounded by nature." "Look, ducks!" "Paint those ducks." "I'm not really a duck painter." "Yeah, I want to paint something that I'm passionate about." "Well, you're the artist." "You do what you do." "That's why I'm not an artist." "I would have taken my clothes off and painted a duck." "That would be an interesting painting." "See, it's happening already." "I'm your muse." "Your creative juices are flowing because you don't have any distractio... (CELL PHONE RINGING)" "Is that Steve?" "He's unavailable." "But I need my sparring partner." "Oh, t-that's right." "It's Tuesday." "I'll go grab my gloves and mouth guard." "No, you won..." "He's very busy right now setting up his artist studio, and he does not want any distractions." "Well, who am I supposed to spar with, Mr. Lunt?" "It'd be like putting my fists through a rotted pumpkin?" "Actually, that'd be kind of cool." "Good-bye, Steve." "And if you're trying to call him again, I am keeping his phone." "Ugh." "It's taken care of." "He'd rather do it with Mr. Lunt." "(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Huh?" "Fine." "I've got some ducks to paint, you painting." "PUDDLE:" "So Migo went to work following his dream, while Steve found out that Mr. Lunt was not the rotted pumpkin he thought he was." "Let go of my arm, you fetid-smelling cadaver with an expired equity card." "My God, what happened?" "I'm sorry, my instincts just kicked in." "Father Callahan taught me how to box." "Then he gave me someone to fight off." "I'll get some ice." "I don't get it." "Migo always said I was a gifted boxer." "Was he wearing boxing gloves at the time?" "You don't think he was doing air quotes in those, do you?" "I have a feeling he was letting you beat him up, which is why it's so important he's looking out for himself finally." "I think you should be happy for your friend." "Believe me, if he was here, I'd be giving him my blessing." "EMMY:" "Oh." "Oh, I'm so sorry, Steve." "That's what Father Callahan used to call it." "Hello?" "So, Andy, I am making a difference after all." "I'm inspiring Migo to follow his dream." "Yeah, well, you know, it still doesn't compare to, you know, being down in Peru inspiring an entire..." "Naked man." "(MIGO SCREAMING OVER PHONE)" "PUDDLE:" "It turns out Andy wasn't in Peru after all." "I..." "Uh..." "Ugh!" "(STUTTERING) I wandered into an occupied hut." "This isn't what it looks like." "This isn't what it looks like." "PUDDLE:" "Andy wasn't hiding in town to keep an eye on my mom." "But my mom was busy hiding her phone from me." "But she did so exactly where I was playing video games while hiding from her." "The next day, my mom was taking me to the rally to inspire more people when she saw that her car was blocked." "You know what, hop in." "I'll move it." "620 Neverwood Lane." "(GASPS)" "Oh, we're here." "Good job." "It appears you never left." "Yeah, I didn't." "I got in the car and started drinking Scotch, then suddenly, there was no more ice." "So I was like, "Migo, there's no more ice."" "Mmm-hmm." "And I thought, "Oh, wait." "Migo's gone." ""So I guess I'll just drink a bunch of warm Scotch."" "And I never actually went anywhere." "Of course you didn't." "It's like a metaphor for your whole life." "You know what?" "Maybe Migo has been holding you back." "Maybe you've been holding each other back." "Whoa, whoa, take it easy there, Siegfried and Freud." "Migo and I were doing just great until you got here." "No, Migo is doing great now because I inspired him." "But maybe it's time I inspire you too." "PUDDLE:" "And that's how my mom got Steve to his first political rally." "(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)" "See, Steve?" "These people are trying to kick immigrants out of our country." "And we are here to fight for their human rights." "Some of these workers, they get paid what you would spend on a cup of coffee." "Well, don't underestimate what I'd be willing to spend on a cup of coffee right now." "All right, stay here with Puddle." "I'll see if I can rustle up some protest signs." "Okay." "And coffee!" "Even if it means skipping the signs." "Hey, isn't that Migo's phone?" "Don't tell my mom." "But I've seen too many hippies get shot with a beanbag at these things and thought, "Why isn't that on Funny or Die?"" "Hey, do they have coffee here?" "No, just tea." "They've got coffee inside." "You know, where the white boy rich man's club's having their meeting." "Oh, we're having a meeting?" "Borders without a nation is a borderless nation." "And before you know it, our children will be speaking Spanish in school." "Well, I don't want my kids speaking Spanish because the last time I checked, the name of this great country is still a..." "America." "...America!" "That's right, my friend in the back." "You are right as rain." "Now, how many of you have found yourselves going nowhere because of some "immigrant"?" "Well, I spent the night in a parked car." "(PEOPLE GASPING) Exactly." "There are some Americans who are sleeping in their cars because some "immigrant" has taken their job." "Or gone to follow their dream." "Absolutely!" "I am nailing these." "Are you getting me nailing these?" "They act like they're helping us." "But actually what are they doing?" "They are eating our food." "(QUIETLY) I never got those chips." "They're the reason why we have to wait in the emergency room." "If he'd been there to spar with me," "I wouldn't have ended up there." "But mostly, they are robbing us of our future." "I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow!" "We need to find a leader with deep pockets who's willing to fight this, who's willing to send them home!" "PUDDLE:" "And that's when Steve finally found his cause." "You just have!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "ALL:" "Send them home!" "Send them home!" "Bring him home!" "Send them home!" "Bring him home!" "Send them home!" "(ALL PROTESTING)" "There you guys are." "I was worried you went home." "Are you kidding?" "I've never felt more inspired." "Steve!" "I'm so happy." "PUDDLE:" "Steve came back from the protest rally with a cause he believed in." "It's like they were speaking directly to me." "PUDDLE:" "Unfortunately, it was the opposite of my mom's cause." "And the great thing is you did it without Migo." "Are you kidding?" "I did it because of Migo." "Well, and me." "My inspiration?" "But I really want to throw some money at this cause, maybe make an ad." "I can help you shoot it." "Great." "No, honey, it's an adult thing." "You don't even have a camera." "Well, I am proud of us." "No, it's not saving a tribe, but we can't all just run off to Peru." "PUDDLE:" "Especially Andy." "Well, come on." "Didn't you save the tribe from the oil company?" "Yeah, no, my participation was more along the lines of taking credit for it once I read about it in the paper." "I think they just didn't find any oil." "I don't know." "I couldn't finish the article without becoming an online subscriber." "And I'm not about to put money in their pocket." "Yeah, but don't you feel like a fraud?" "Well, you're not much better." "You haven't been able to paint a thing." "I can't find anything to get passionate about." "But at least I'm not sneaking around people's houses, peeking in their windows to see if they need me." ""Peeking in their windows"?" "I'm not that pathetic." "That's why I got these babies." "And they got night vision too." "Look, sometimes when you care about somebody, you do desperate things to see if they need you." "Those things got night vision, huh?" "PUDDLE:" "As it turns out, so does my new phone." "Hey, Migo, what are you doing?" "I can't paint..." "Oh." "...because I'm always worried about Steve." "I know he needs me, and he's probably angry at me because he can't get a hold of me, you know, and it makes it very hard to create." "Actually, Migo, he has never been better." "And he has you to thank." "But I haven't been here." "And it's the best thing that's ever happened to him." "That's great news." "Yeah." "You know, maybe I do have my passion back after all." "Hey, since you're here, I don't suppose you could go inside, get me a couple of Odor-Eaters." "Oh, that's so funny." "That's what Andy uses in his hiking boots, because, honestly, when he doesn't, you can't even walk into the tent..." "Without wanting to kill yourself." "I know." "So you want a break?" "Give us a break." "So what's this mystery film project you want my help with?" "Perhaps an action film" "(AS ALAN ALDA) with a modicum of gangster credibility." "No, this is for a political cause that I've recently become passionate about." "Oh, very good." "Yeah, I've already recorded most of it, but I'm gonna need your help shooting the commercial that I plan on running nationally." "PUDDLE:" "You know this phone has a camera." "I could make your commercial for you." "You can do whatever you set your mind to, Puddle, just in that sloppy kid way us grown-ups only pretend is good to encourage you." "No, I'm not gonna let you destroy my dream." "FA'AD: "Immigrants." ""Even when they're lawful, they're awful."" "Yeah, but there's actually a subtler version." ""Hey, immigrants, it's getting pretty late," ""and America has a really big day tomorrow."" "And then we punch it with, like, a shot of Uncle Sam going," ""So..."" "You do realize that I, myself, am an immigrant." "No, I never really thought about that." "So..." "Well, I'm not helping you make this film." "It goes against everything I believe in." "Well, I didn't know you believed in anything." "Well, neither did I." "PUDDLE:" "So I guess my mom kind of gave him inspiration, but it turned out Steve's kind of went away." "You're playing your video games again?" "You can't give up on your cause." "No, actually, giving up is what I do best." "I could write half a book about it." "Well, Migo's not giving up." "He stopped by, and I spoke to him." "He has found his passion." "Migo stopped by, and he didn't want to say hi?" "I think he just needed a little bit more of my inspiration." "And so do you." "Listen, those anti-immigrant nuts are having another big rally today." "Apparently, they found some deep-pocketed donor who's unveiling this commercial for them." "That was today?" "Well, why didn't Migo remind..." "Oh, right, 'cause of his passion." "Guess who else just found some." "And it was right where Migo didn't tell me it was all along." "Good for you." "Damn it." "Now I wish I did make that commercial." "PUDDLE:" "But it turns out someone did." "Nice graphics." "Is this gonna be one of those Little Rascal  types?" "ALL:" "Send them home!" "Send them home!" "Send them home!" "RICH WHITE:" "They act like they're helping us, but actually what are they doing?" "They're eating our food." "I'm coming." "STEVE:" "How many of you have found yourselves going nowhere because of some immigrant?" "But it's not a game." "It's real." "They take our dreams." "And our food." "And they laugh at us." "(LAUGHING)" "Immigrants, even when they're lawful, they're awful." "I'm coming." "That is really good, Puddle, and not in a fake kid way." "That is grown-up good." "Why the hell am I paying half a million dollars to some company when I could get a kid to do it for..." "Half that." "Deal." "PUDDLE:" "But my mom was less impressed." "You have got to be kidding me." "Uh-oh." "Someone got caught with the pho-one." "No, Steve, I am talking about you." "You're on that side of the cause?" "You're the enemy?" "Hey, you're the one who told me to support a cause." "There is no way in hell I'm letting you support that cause." "PUDDLE:" "And that's how my mom cost me a quarter of a million dollars." "Steve, the whole point in taking you to that rally was to protest the rich who are taking advantage of unprotected immigrants." "Look, that was your thing." "My thing is about how it's not fair that they get to follow their dreams and we have no one to drive us around." "That's not a thing." "Steve, what is wrong with you?" "That is what I inspired you to do?" "I just don't want them to leave." "In fact, I think that we should track them with, like, high-tech devices, like I had on that phone before you took it away." "Oh, my God, this is about Migo." "Steve, you can't take your resentment about Migo getting on with his life out on the entire country." "Hey, politics begin at home." "You said it yourself." "You inspired me, and you're not gonna outspire me now." "So I've got a mani-pedi and a rally to go to." "PUDDLE:" "But my mom knew there was one man who could get him to back off." "Okay." "PUDDLE:" "Unfortunately, he finally found his own inspiration." "(GIGGLES)" "(LAUGHING)" "Migo!" "Not now." "I'm passionate." "I found my passion." "But you have to stop." "This is important." "I don't understand what you want from me." ""Paint!" "Don't paint."" ""Paint those ducks." "Take off your clothes." "Get dressed."" "You're not a muse." "You're a nag." "But, Migo, I need your help." "Steve has found his calling, and he wants to make a difference." "What have you done?" "Well, this might upset you." "But he found a cause, and it has to do with tracking and perhaps limiting the freedoms of immigrants in this country." "Oh, my God." "(LAUGHING) He misses me." "He misses me." "I miss you too!" "Oh, Emmy!" "I miss you too." "I made such a mess of everything, Migo." "Andy's down there killing himself in the Amazon." "I've done nothing but meddle with people's lives." "Hey, Migs, have you been into my stash of porn...itas casadas?" "I'll let you two chat." "What?" "SUPPORTERS:" "Steven Wilde!" "Steven Wilde!" "Steven Wilde!" "Steven Wilde!" "Steven Wilde!" "Steven Wilde!" "Steven Wilde!" "Oh, no, they're still drying, so..." "Thank you, rich white." "Friends, I stand before you, my pockets bursting with money to throw at a cause I know very little about." "(ALL CHEERING)" "But I do know this, though." "There are places people belong, and then there are places that other people end up because the people that are supposed to take care of them go off to places they don't belong." "No?" "Let's go back to my pockets are bursting with money, huh?" "(ALL CHEERING)" "And, yet, money alone can't overcome a man's dream." "But why must a man's dream take him so far from where he belongs?" "Because a man belongs..." "With the people they care about." "(PEOPLE GROANING)" "Migo." "Yes, every man must follow his dream." "But it takes a wise man to know what his dream really is." "Yeah." "And I get it." "It's painting." "It's finding a subject that you're passionate about." "That's exactly what I did." "Because sometimes you have to travel a hundred yards away from home to realize that you just wanted to stay home in the first place." "ALL:" "Aw." "(PEOPLE CHEERING)" "(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)" "PUDDLE:" "And that's how Migo found out that his purpose in life was to keep Steve from having a purpose."