"OriginalAuthor:" "Shi*Busters" "Moon's fuller than usual tonight." "Ned." "A full moon cannot get any fuller." "then you got to pay attention to the moon." "(continuous bleep)" "You gotta pay attention to the truck." "It's overheating again." "This is Satan's Den calling Aladdin's Harem." "Over." "Satan's Den." "Dixie on the horn." "Want me to tell y'all a bedtime story?" "Over." "I think the radiator's had it." "We may have to find a garage somewhere." "Over." "Good luck." "Just don't be late getting to Greenville." "Big day tomorrow." "Over." "sweetheart." "It's a small day tomorrow when the accountants take over the carnival." "A small day indeed." "Over and out." "all right?" "It's the fullest moon I've ever seen." "nephew." "A magic moon." "(grunting and muttering)" "(low muttering)" "(man) In there." "(snuffling)" "Try the door." "Damn." "Take a look around." "He's gotta be close somewhere." "(muttering)" "Lord. seed of the devil." "deliver us from the devil-worshippers and Satanists who have summoned these demons from hell and loosed their evil on the world." "(screeches)" "Hello!" "Anybody here?" "Yo!" "We could use some help." "(gurgling)" "Larry!" "Nephew!" "(squeals)" "They got any sealer in there?" "Can't tell." "Nobody's home." "We're gonna have to carry some extra water with us." "I hope we make it to Greenville." "(squeals)" "Unc." " Are you with the carnival?" " Sir Nigel Pennyweight at your service." "I'm one of the denizens of Satan's Den." "Right over there." "You see?" "A den of death and transfiguration." "right?" " Indeed it is." "And yours truly is the chief author of those terrors." "Mr. Nigel." "yes." "Tell everybody that Philip Hardin would like to see them at the ten-in-one in half an hour." "Thanks." "we've been expecting you." "their manners are so apish." "(snores)" "(Nigel) Larry." "Larry." "Ned." " He's here." "He's here." " Ssh." "Ssh." "Tough night." "We had trouble with the truck." "He's bottled." "You'd better get him up." "Hardin is here and he wants to see us all in 20 minutes at the ten-in-one." "Uncle Ned." "Uncle Ned." "I'm just getting up." "old boy." "Coffee." "caffeine." "Wakes you up." "I checked the lab and the tomb." "Place is almost ready." "Ready for what?" "Extinction?" "I might just as well throw the switch on this thing." "Don't say that." " Why not?" " Because he's here." "then we must greet the bugger." "son." "How's the rig?" "but I can do bodywork." "Ba-boom!" "Nicole." " Hi." "check it out?" "We're putting in a new number." "I've gotta rehearse." "Guess everybody's glitzing up their act." "I'm Philip Hardin." "At present I'm head of accounting at Hardin Enterprises." " The company..." " The company?" "You mean your father. including this carnival." "I have also been empowered by the company to address any debit or shortfall with commensurate action." "What means "address debit"?" "He means that if he thinks in his ageless wisdom you have to hit the road." "He's absolutely correct." "Let's get down to the bottom line." "Attractions that do not show a profit by the time we leave here will be closed down." "You can't just draw a bottom line in the dirt and dare people to cross over it." "all our lives." "and it'll be run like a business." "Thank you." " A carnival runs on magic." " A company runs on profit." "And the company owns this carnival." "Satan's Den's been losing money for 16 months." " Our money." " You're dead space and that costs us." "You have until the end of the weekend." "Satan's Den's been part of this outfit for 20 years." "I'm concerned with the future." "Pull your weight or get out of the way." "Uncle Ned." "We gotta set up the den." "but this carnival would be nothing without Satan's Den." "Sir Nigel." "But there's always room for you at the freak show." "not a freak." "I played the fool in King Lear at the Old Vic." "Perhaps you could be useful at the attraction we've contracted to take the place of the spook house." "What attraction is that?" " Mud wrestling?" " Quite." "He plans to replace Satan's Den with a ladies' mud-wrestling tent." "And he wanted me to be the referee." "not a mudslinger." "We are not gonna be replaced." "We're gonna make money." "How do you expect to do that?" "The new sophisticated carnival audience doesn't seem to find our horrors horrible enough any more." "We're gonna do what you said." "We're gonna give 'em real magic." "Of course." "A little abracadabra and up pop ghastly demons from hell." "That'll really scare people. trying to frighten children who laugh at beheadings and the newest fashions in mutilations every week at the local cinema." "We'll add a magic show right after the torture chamber." "You can put up a spotlight and do your old act." "The Great Fausto Returns." "The Great Fausto has been dead for over 20 years." "I shouldn't have let your parents send you." "You can still do it." "You've been teaching me magic." "to learn from the master." "The master?" "That's great." "He can do anything." "He can even make this bottle disappear." "I need you for the late shift." " I can't." "I have a date." "An old flame." " You've got more flames than hell." " This one gave me the little gold coin." "The sailor in Ohio gave you an anchor." "That putz in Texas gave you a boot." "I don't see you for days." "You're already packed." " So I'm popular." " So you're fired if you don't show." " You wouldn't!" " Try me." "Muffy." "Muffy." "Damn cat." "Where are you?" "Patty." "Where are you going?" " I'm leaving this dump." " Have you seen my little Muffy?" " Who hasn't?" "musclehead." " I think I saw him by Satan's Den." "Muffy!" "Muffy!" " Muffy." " (meowing)" "Muffy." "kitty." "Muffy." "Muffy." "are you in there?" "you silly little thing." "Where are you?" "(meowing)" " Muffy." " (meowing)" "(meows)" "Muffy." "I know you're in here." "come on." "I have Mr. Mouse." "Muffy." "Muffy." "(meowing) are you in there?" "come on out." "Muffy." "(meows)" "(screams)" "There." "Real magic." "all ye imps and sprites and demons of the spirit world." "The Great Fausto commands you." "I don't need any demons." "I got my own private ones." "Now... the Great fucking Fausto will perform one of the worst goddamn tricks in the history of phony baloney magic." "He will pull a rabbit out of his hat." "(drum roll)" "(screeches)" "my God!" "I've got the DTs." "I'm seeing things." "(snuffling)" "I'm hearing things." "Imps?" "Demons?" "It worked." "The incantations." "They worked!" "The magic." "It works!" "the Great Fausto." "I command you to do my bidding." "Stay right there." "Don't move." "Nephew!" "Come here for a minute." "Larry!" "Nigel!" "You've got to see this." "I am better than thou art." "I am a fool." "Thou art nothing." "(Ned) Larry!" "Nigel!" "Where are you?" "The sweet and bitter fool will presently appear." "Nigel!" "Larry!" "man!" "Done what?" "Got stinking drunk before the show again?" " You have my congratulations." " I performed magic." "Real magic." "really?" "Did you make Philip Hardin disappear?" "Come on." "old man." "Come on." "Come on." "come on." "Come on." "In the trunk." "In the trunk." "What do you think of that?" " Think of what?" " In the trunk." "In the trunk." "no." " No!" " What's wrong?" "No!" "They were real." "I know they were real." "What?" "Who?" "The demons." "I made an incantation." "An incantation." "And they appeared." "Little demons." "Ned!" "They're gonna close us down and you're so drunk you can't see." " Larry..." " Who's gonna be the barker?" "Nigel and I gotta work the gags." "What good are you?" "He's sick." "Can't you see that?" "He needs help." "Larry." "They were real." "you all take tips by hand." "(women laugh)" "(knocking)" "We're almost ready." "Miss Nicole La Fevre?" "It's pronounced La Fay." "I wonder if I might talk to you for a moment." "We're on in just a few minutes." "Then perhaps after the performance?" "I have a few questions I'd like to ask." "I have five shows tonight." "I believe it's important for us to discuss your future with this organization." "then?" " I'll be here." " Thanks." "Ladies." "honey." "guys!" "you like?" "they crawl on their bellies like..." "Reptiles." "Reptiles!" "folks." "The most gorgeous reptiles in the whole world." "they undulate." "They are irresistible." "And they'll be dancing inside in five minutes." "folks." "The show starts in five minutes." "And it all goes on inside." "behold the open gate to hell." "You never know what to expect on the inside." "Get your tickets now." "mister?" " I bet it's not." "I bet it's stupid." "you'll be all right." "My ass." " You have to leave your radio outside." " The hell I do." "Merle." "but you'll have to turn it down." "You're ruining other people's enjoyment." "Enjoyment." "We're gonna enjoy ourselves." "(turns music off)" "wow!" "Look at that!" "look at the bat." "It's just stupid plastic." "look at that." "Don't go up there." "You're gonna get us in trouble." "Will you give me a break?" "(screams)" " Cheap piece of shit." " We better get outta here." "(mummy screams)" " This place sucks." " Let's see the rest of it." "Come on." "Don't tickle me." "Don't." "friends." "lover boy." " Hey." "Where's Merle?" " You know Merle." "He's lost." " Let's ditch Merle." " Yeah." " Never see him again." " All right!" "Baby!" "(wicked laugh)" "Bobby?" "Teddy?" "Guys?" "friend." " Goddamn fucking Dracula." "Bobby!" "brother." "please." "Crude." "it's OK." "what's that?" "stupid." " It looks real." "Eddie." "Leo." "man!" "We better get outta here." "You're dead rat meat." "Holy shit!" " Did you see that?" " This place is better than Epcot Center." "we gotta show the guys." "Ow!" " Torture chamber." " Hurt me!" "Let's party!" " Are you ready for some rock and roll?" " (rock music starts)" " What the hell was that?" " It looked like a bat or something." "(creature screeches)" " Bobby!" " Goddammit!" "No!" " What's going on?" " It broke my tunes." " What?" " I don't know what the fuck it was." "God." "bring my tunes." "Goddammit!" "sure." " I think we'd better go with 'em." "It's just a cat." "Don't worry about it." "(both muffled)" "Then the rat caught the star in its mouth and started to chew on it." " And then it spit this goo all over me." " No kidding." "I love that stuff." " Sounds terrific." " Let's go and get some more tickets." "all right." "Hold on." "I'm gonna sue their ass." "This place is dangerous." "Bobby?" "Teddy?" "Where the hell are you guys?" "Dude!" "Your tunes." "guys." "Stop fooling around." "(snarling)" "(screeches)" "Aagh!" "Let me go!" "(Merle) Aagh!" "let me go!" "fuzzball!" "(chuckles)" "Bobby!" "huh?" "Looks like you're having a good night." "An excellent night." "I'd like to see the receipts after you close." "I'm staying in Mr. Pennyweight's trailer." " You'll like it." "It's very cozy." " What caused the turnaround?" "Magic." "(Nigel roars) man." " I wanna see the bats." " Over here." " Let's go." "Bats?" "Rats?" "you're welcome to them." "Philistines!" "There he is." "guys." " Here they are." "they're all over the place." "They're really neat." "It's great." " Terrific." " Isn't that clever?" "It must be remote control." "(chanting) Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Rats!" "Yeah!" "Miss La Fay." "the only thing I want is to make enough money to leave this carnival." "Sorry to hear that." "Ray thinks you have potential as a specialty act." "I don't think so." "Shame." "It's gonna be difficult to make that kind of money without unique talent." "Sorry." "My talents are strictly ordinary." "You're too modest." "Walking on a cable 50 feet up without a net is extraordinary." "How did you find out about that?" "we acquired a wire-walking act." "The Fabulous La Fays." "Would you care to step inside and talk about it?" "That's Sir Nigel's trailer." "he was kind enough to let me use it during my stay here." "Mr. Hardin." "Mr. Hardin?" "Miss La Fay." "(groans)" "lordy!" "They were real." "I'll show 'em." "No." "Nigel." "Lawrence." "I wonder how our visitor's doing in the executive suite." "I imagine he finds it a trifle..." "Lilliputian." "yes." "A wee bit wee." "A little bit little." "A tiny bit tiny." "yes." "it's been a pleasure." "Nice talking to you." " Good night." " Good night." "Mr. Hardin." "One night's receipts." "but uncharacteristic. much less a single night." "I'll reserve judgment till I see more figures." " You've already made up your mind." " I never close my mind to profit." " That's bad business." " (siren)" "Officer?" "Their friend never came out of Satan's Den." "And we were attacked by some big-ass bat." "Our friends got caught up in this gooey sticky shit." " And my tunes are still in there." " I don't know about your friends or tunes." "boy." "I know these kids." "I don't know you." "I'm sure we can clear up this situation." "I'm gonna shut your ass down." "God." "Don't let this be real." "(low growl)" "It is real." "And I'm responsible." "I called you up." "You must obey my bidding." "I command you..." "go back to the hell that spawned you!" "(screeches)" "The book..." "I need the book." "All right." "I've assured the officer that nothing out of the ordinary has happened here." "we'll notify the police immediately." " Sure there's nobody in there?" " Nobody at all." "Then how did that happen?" "Magic?" "Divination by genies." "Expulsion of demons through demonic intercession." "Expulsion." "That's gotta be it." "you little bastard!" "Make a pentagram... on the floor." "(growls)" ""Gigantus... daemonium... exhoritor."" "(scuttling)" "you sons of bitches!" "You can't kill me!" ""Gigantus daemonium... exhoritor."" ""Commodestrum daemonium..."" "There's another switch in the back." "Maybe my uncle turned it on." " Everybody stay close." " What the hell is going on here?" "I don't know." "Ned!" "If that old drunk causes any trouble for this carnival..." " That's what shorted out the lights." " But what turned them on?" "find that other switch." "boy." "Ned!" " Jesus." " (officer) Don't touch anything." "There'll have to be an inquiry." "I'm afraid it's obvious what's happened here." "That's Ned Prentiss." "Everyone at the carnival will tell you that Ned had a drinking problem." "He was obviously drunk and stumbling around and had a tragic accident." "Lawrence." "I brought you some coffee." "Damn thing hasn't been tuned in ages." "No wonder we're the last rig at every stop." "Lawrence... listen." "I'm gonna miss him too." "He was a fine man and a trooper." "Don't let this place do to you what it did to him." " Did you clean up yet?" " No." "I have no intention of doing any such thing." "Why don't you let it rest?" "At least for today." "That's great!" "And what are you gonna do when Hardin fires us?" "How many openings are there for second-rate hobgoblins?" "Are you a member of the dwarfs' union or what?" "And they for sudden joy did weep and I for sorrow sung." "Your coffee's getting cold." "Shit!" "Damn piece of rubbish!" "Blood." "my God!" "You are real." "And you're everywhere." "Keep away from me!" "Keep away!" " What the hell's going on?" " You buy a ticket just like everybody else." " When the carnival opens." " I run this attraction." "Not according to the Greenville circuit court." "and I'll sell if you keep Nigel as part-owner." "He needs the bread and the gig." "I've been thinking about it too." "I don't think this company needs either of you." "Ned was right." "All you think about is your bottom line." "You've got until opening time to get off the lot." "What about Nigel?" "Sir Nigel can have his trailer back." "please tell him we put a lien on his car." "Hey!" "Hi." " This little hook is supposed to hold this." " Where the hell is Patty?" "That broad's gonna be the death of me." "(hums)" "(whimpering)" "(whimpering continues)" "what are you doing?" "Are they still out there?" "Did you see them?" "They're everywhere." " What?" "What's the matter?" " Things." "like demons." "They're after me." "another scene from Shakespeare?" "They were here." "I saw them." "Look." "Larry." "I think they must have done something to her." "Patty ran off with some guy from town." "I know what I saw." "There were demons." "Listen to me." "There is no such thing." "Tell him." "don't." "They're vicious monsters." "How many?" "fifty." "Who knows?" "Look at its teeth." "Remember the bites on Ned's neck?" "My God." "I'm gonna kill him." "Get off of me!" " Larry?" " Get off of me!" "Help!" "everybody!" "You've never seen a sight like it." " Where are you going?" " My friend's in there." " You've still gotta have a ticket." " No." "There's demons in there!" "They're attacking Larry!" "There's demons!" "you seen my friend Merle in there?" "you must help him." " I beg your pardon." "Please put me down." " You little twerp." "help him!" "There's trouble at the den." "Better get over there." "They undulate... there's trouble in the den." "Get your piece." "what is it?" " Just stay here." "We can handle it." " I'm coming with you." "they'll call." "Larry?" " I hope not." " Wait." "Take this." "You must stop selling tickets." "People could be killed." "Get lost." "folks." "Satan's Den is closed." " Says who?" " Says this." "This attraction is open for business." "get back to work." "we go." "There's a serious problem." "There are people in danger in there." "shoot him." " Then shoot me." " Stop right there!" "Prentiss!" "shoot a kid?" "You're fired!" "(Bobby) Help me!" "They're gonna kill me!" "Help me!" "They're not kidding!" "Come on!" "Get me outta here!" "Help!" "you little kids!" "you fucking little kids?" "no." "rats." "They're monkeys." "Get those kids outta here!" "kids." "Move!" "Get out!" "Come on!" "Move!" "Come on!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Come on!" "(Bobby) Help me!" "I'll get you out." "Hold it." "Hold it." "man!" " Go on!" " Get outta here!" "come on!" "(screeches)" "(cackles)" "(laughs)" "No wonder you did such a great business." " Where'd you get 'em?" " From hell." " That's very funny." " These things have gotta be wiped out." " No way." " They've killed people." "I don't see what you've got against..." "God in heaven." "It's Patty." "(mutters prayer)" " They're getting away." " Close the carnival before they kill again." "000 to any man who brings me one alive." "You son of a bitch!" "(screams)" " What is that?" " A demon." "There's a bunch of them loose." " What?" " They're real." " What happened to your hand?" " I burnt it trying to kill 'em off." "(snarls)" "wimp." "sir." "Forgot your glove." " I don't need no glove." " That's the rules." "Hey!" "(woman) Hey!" "sugar?" "This one." "Aw." "Looks just like you." "baby." "loser." "Let some other guy have a chance." "you wouldn't have any." "Ah!" "Aagh!" "Aagh!" "Aagh!" "Aagh!" "Aagh!" "(chortles)" "look." "(screaming)" "listen." "clubs." "Nothing seems to work." "Why don't we try magic?" "I'm serious." "right?" " Why don't we fight fire with fire?" " Maybe you're onto something." "Come on." " What are you looking for?" " The grimoire Ned had in his hand." "I know I put it back in this trunk." " Here it is." " What is it?" " A book of magic spells and incantations." " This is crazy." "but it's our only chance." "Ned's blood." "This is it." "Come on." "(man) I'm gonna kill the owner of this place!" "then I'll kill him." "It's not your fault." "You had nothing to do with it." "Expuls..." "Expulsion of demons through demonic intercession." "This better work." ""Make a pentagram on the floor." " What's a pentagram?" " It's one of these." "Gig..." This looks like Latin." "This is your territory." ""Gigantus daemonium... exhoritor."" ""Commodest..."" " I gotta get that book back." " You'll never make it with your hand." "Nigel." "I'm going up there." " Nicole." " I'll be OK." "are you all right?" " I'm OK!" "(screeches)" "Nicole!" "Here it is. "Gigantus daemonium..."" ""Gigantus daemonium exhoritor."" ""Commodestrum daemonium... erunt."" "It worked." "It worked." "Real magic." "my God." "I hope that was the right spell." "He swallowed that thing whole." "(burps)" "but how do we get rid of him?" "I'm working on it." " Speed is of the essence." " I know it is." "I'm doing the best I can." "Look out!" "The behemoth returns." "Shit!" "old boy." "I'm just bone and gristle." "(snarls)" "Help me out." "(roars)" "He's still hungry." "I'm doomed!" " That's a rare Burgundy." " Get me some kerosene." " What are you doing?" " Molotov cocktail." "Watch." " Here's the wick." " You've already tried fire." "but maybe they're soft on the inside." "All we need is a little appetizing ghoulie." "Hold this." "Help me out." "Open the door when I tell you." "Now." "motherfucker!" "(roars)" "it was those teenagers playing that heavy metal devil music." "sure." " You sure it's OK if I just leave?" " There ain't nothing else to tell the law." "You better get going." "Larry's waitin' for ya." "too." "I can't do nothin' else but sling these old bones around." "I might as well stay here with all my friends." "I'll miss you." "Thanks for everything." "kid." "madame." "I'll never forget you." " Take good care of the den." " I'll do Ned proud." "Parting is such sweet sorrow that I... you two." "(toilet flushes)" "(ghoulie giggles)" "(# "Scream Until You Like It" by W.A.S.P.)" "this ain't no dream no" "# Don't be afraid if your heart's burning ready to go" "I love it when I scare you so oh!" " # Scream until you like it - # Never gonna stop" " # Scream until you like it - # Get ready to rock" " # Scream until you like it - # Never gonna stop" "# Scream until you like it" "# I'm sending out little boys to play" "# You know a trick like that could really make my day my little killers take you away" "I love it when I scare you so oh!" " # Scream until you like it - # Never gonna stop" " # Scream until you like it - # Get ready to rock" " # Scream until you like it - # You're never gonna stop" "# Scream until you like it" "this ain't no dream no" "# Don't be afraid if your heart's burning ready to go" "# Cos I love it when I scare you so oh!" " # Scream until you like it - # Never gonna stop" " # Scream until you like it - # Get ready to rock stop rock it stop rock it"