"Hey." "Any luck with that big meeting yet ?" "I've got Michael's lucky tie." "No, they're in the conference room." " Okay." " Wait, are those Michael's Levis ?" "Yeah, who dry-cleans jeans ?" "Michael and his jeans." "He gets in them and...." "I'm not exactly sure what happens." "But..." "I can tell you, he loves the way he looks in those jeans." "I know that's why he started casual Fridays." "I'll take those." "Thanks." "Episode 7 - season 2 " The client"" "This is a projection of the county's needs." "Graphs and charts" "Somebody's been really doing their homework." " Looks like USA Today." " 13 schools, 2 hospitals..." "So this possible client they're talking about" "Actually a big deal." "It's Lackawanna County." "Our whole county." "And if we get this, they might not have to downsize our branch." "And I could work here for years." "And years..." "Years." "So, when we get to the Radisson, I'd like to" "I changed it to Chili's." "Excuse me ?" "Radisson just gives out this vibe." "It's like, "Oh, I'm doing business at the Radisson."" "It's kinda snooty, so..." "You had no right to do that, Michael." "Here's the thing, Chili's is the new golf course." "It's where business happens." "Small Businessman Magazine." "It said that." "It will." "I sent it in." "Letter to the editor." "Alright." "But you will let me run this meeting." " Powertrip." " What ?" "She had done a background check on me." "She had it printed out," "Yeah." "And she was asking me about stuff line by line while we were having dinner." " What's going on ?" " We are doing worst first dates." "Oh my God." "I win." "Okay." "it was a minor league hockey game." "He brought his brother." "And when I went to the bathroom, the game ended," " And they forgot about me." " Okay, that's a joke." "No, they had to come back for me." "Wait, when was this ?" "It was, not that long ago." "Wait, not Roy." "Say it's not your fiancé" "I always knew..." "Pam has refused to go to sports games with Roy." "But, I never knew why." "Interesting." "Okay, let's do this thing." " Wish us luck." " Good luck Michael," " Good luck Jan." " Thank you." "Kiss ass." "Okay !" "Probably going to go late tonight, burning the midnight tequila." "So," "I think you all could, just take off now." "Michael, this shouldn't take more than an hour." "Well..." "Do you always shut down the entire office when you leave for an hour ?" "No, no, that would not be efficient." "Actually, they just don't get very much work done when I'm not here." "That's not true." "I know how to delegate." "And they do more work when I'm not here." "Not more..." "The same amount of work..." "Is done whether I am here or not." "HEY EVERYBODY LISTEN UP !" "This is what we're gonna do." "You sit tight untill I return, sound good ?" "Doesn't matter." "It's an order." "Follow it blindly." "Okay ?" "Alright, ciao." "Adios !" " So which way is Chili's ?" " I'll drive." "No, that's alright." "I want to leave straight from there." "It's just a couple blocks away." "So.." "Boy, you really don't know Scranton, do you ?" " I know Scranton." " At all." " Alright." " Have you ever been to Scranton, Jan ?" "it's just a couple blocks away we can go together." "Jan Levinson-Gould." "Jan is cold." "If she was sitting across from you on a train, and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead." "We should come up with a signal of some sort." "Why would we need a signal ?" "Well, in case one of us gets into trouble." "The other one can signal..." "What kind of trouble are you planning on getting in Michael ?" "Well, I, it could be either of us." "You're going to let me do the talking, we agreed on that." "Yes !" "Hello ?" "Christian ?" " Yes." " I thought that was you." "Hi." "Michael Scott, this is Jan Levinson-Gould." " Just Jan Levinson." " No Gould ?" "No." "Thank you very much for meeting with us." " Have you been waiting long ?" " No, not long." " Good." " Jan, what happened ?" " Michael." " Is Gould dead ?" "What..." "Michael." "We got divorced, okay ?" " I'm so sorry, excuse me." " Wow, you're kidding me" " Do you wanna talk about it ?" " Michael." " Could we have a table for three please ?" " When did this happen ?" " We're in a meeting." " Okay." "Thiswayplease" " Christian..." " Alright, after you" "Thank you" "I thought we could start by going over the needs of the county." "Right." "Well, Lackawanna County has not been immune, to the slow economic growth over the past five years." "So for us, the name of the game is budget reduction." " Awesome Blossom ?" " What ?" "I think we should share and Awesome Blossom." "What do you say ?" "They are awsome." "You want to, Christian ?" "Awesome ?" " Sure." " Okay, it's done." "Actually, Megan !" "May we have an Awesome Blossom, please ?" "Extra Awsome ?" "Not it's done." " So, if you have a..." " Hey, I heard a very, very, funny joke..." " You wanna hear it ?" " Christian..." "You don't have to listen to this." " It's okay, I like jokes." " Okay." " Just the one." " Just one joke ?" "Okay." "Well, if it's just gonna be one..." "I, will think of a different joke." "Let's see." "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam." "Pam, it's Michael." "I need you to go into my office and check some data for me." "Okay," " You want me to read 'em ?" " Yes" "Okay, um, a fisherman is walking down 5 th Avenue leading an animal behind him." "No!" "Nope." "Told it." "Not as good as you think." "Pick another one." "Okay." "There's a transcript between a Naval ship." "Bingo!" "And a lighthouse." "Yes, that is hysterical." "Could you start that one from the beginning ?" "Sure, there's a transcript between a Naval ship and a lighthouse." "Is this real ?" "It is a screenplay..." "Starring himself." "Agent Michael Scarn." "Of the F.B.I." "How long is this ?" "Pam, good work." "Wait, stop." " Drawings." " What is that?" "Those are drawings in case, the writing didn't really, put a picture in your head." "And there he is, in the flesh, Agent Michael Scarn" "Now we know what he looks like." "First guy says, "Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn."" "And the second guy says," ""Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort."" "And the third guy says," ""I got you both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe."" "Oh, no!" "Oh my God, that's funny!" "I almost had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose!" ""S'il vous plaît," could I have a vodka tonic, please?" "Do we all have our copy of "Threat Level Midnight" by Michael Scott ?" "Yeah." "Alright." "Let's get this started." "I'm gonna be reading the action descriptions" "And Phyllis, I would like you to play Catherine Zeta-Jones." " That's the character's name?" " You guys should not doing this" "Why not Dwight?" "This is a movie." "I mean this is for all of America to enjoy." "You took something that doesn't belong to you." " Dwight. do you want to..." " Brought it in here, made copies of it..." "The lead role of Agent Michael Scarn ?" "That's delicious!" "I love it." "We would probably be upset with ourselves if we went this whole night without talking business." "So, Dunder Mifflin can provide, a level of personal service to the county, that the warehouse chains just can't match." " Well, we are out to save money." " What's the bottom line?" "Blah!" "Blah blah blah." "Blu bad be bah." "That's why I wanted a signal." "Between us." "So," "I wouldn't have to just shout nonsense words." "That's her fault." "Did somebody say babyback ribs ?" "I don't think Christian has time for that." " Michael." " I have time." "I want my babyback, babyback, babyback..." "Chili's babyback ribs.." "Inside the F.B.I., Agent Michael Scarn sits with his feet up on his desk" "Catherine Zeta-Jones enters." " Sir, you have some messages." " Not now !" "They're important." "Okay, what are they ?" "The first message is "I love you."" "That's from me." "Not in a thousand years, Catherine." "We work together." "And get off my desk." "Yes, I have acted before." "I was in a production of Oklahoma !" "in the seventh grade." "I played the part of Mutie the mailman." "They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that." "And I was good." "If it isn't my old partner." "Samuel L. Chang." "Agent Michael Scarn, you lost some weight." "Thank you for noticing." "Now, keep me company fo r one more mission." "Hey, I have to work late." "You're joking, right?" "Agent Michael Scarn takes out a nine millimeter gun" "And shoots the cake to bits." "Agent Michael Scarn, you so funny." "Word." "Michael's movie ?" "Two thumbs down!" "A man sitting several seats down who has a gold face turns to Michael Scarn." "Oscar, you wanna play Goldenface?" "Mr. Scarn !" "perhaps you would be more comfortable in my private jet." "Yes, perhaps I would Goldenface." "Sam, get my luggage." "I forget it, brotha." "Samuel, you are such and idiot !" "You are the worst assistant ever." "And you're disgusting Dwigt." "Wait, who's Dwigt ?" "Here's what we think happened." "Michael's sidekick, who all through the movie is this complete idiot, who's causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight." "But then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang using a search and replace." "But that doesn't work on misspelled words." "Leaving behind one, Dwigt." "And Dwight figured it out." "Oops." "D-W-I-G-H-T" "Okay, you know what ?" "I am done with this." "That's it, the end." "Well, some of us wanna keep reading, so..." "You don't speak for everyone, Jim." "Okay, announcement." "My uncle bought me some fireworks." "And anyone who wants to see a real show, come with me outside now." "That's actually a good idea, we'll all take a brief intermission." "Hey, are you hungry?" " Yeah." " Yeah?" "And so after watching my mom go through so much pain," "I decided to keep that promise, that I made to her and take care of her." "This brings us to Jan. Truth or dare ?" " Tell us about your divorce." " Oh, no, Michael." "Michael, Michael." " Ooh, right ?" " Michael please, no." "Hey." "So you're not gonna play." "She's not playing." "She's not playing the game." " We've been fighting for a while," " That's not fair." "he didn't want kids." "I knew that going into it." "But he also knew that I did." "So I guess I thought that he would change his mind." "He thought that I would change mine." "You didn't." "I was stupid." "No." "No." "You were not stupid." " Gould was stupid, right ?" " That's right." "You know, you were really brave." "I mean, you, you put your arms out there, you slit your wrists." "It's true." "Yous said :" ""World, this is my blood, it's red."" ""Just like yours, so love me."" "I had plans to meet a friend tonight." "Which I had to cancel." "But this is cool too." "I'm not a complainer." "Wow." "For the bugs." "Nice." "That's excellent because bugs love.." "My famous grilled cheese sandwich." "Yes !" "Nice." "I can't remember the last time someone made me dinner." "Right down the street ?" "Kenneth Road, born and raised." "Spent my whole life right here in Lackawanna County" "And I do not intend on moving." "I know this place." "I know how many hospitals we have." "how many schools we have." "It's home, you know?" "I know the challenges that this county's up against." "Here's the thing about those discount suppliers, they don't care." "They come in, they undercut everything." "And they run us out of business." "And then, once we're all gone, they jack up the prices." " I know." " It's bad." " It's terrible." " It is, you know what ?" "It really is." "I don't know." "I guess I could give you guys our business but, you have to meet me halfway, okay ?" "Because they're expecting me to make cuts." "Well, corporate's gonna go ballistic, but, you think we could, Jan?" "So, I guess I'll see you in.." "10 hours." "What are you going to do with your time off?" " Travel." " Yeah." "I've been looking forward to it." "It's gonna be... really nice." "I'm gonna find myself." "You have new music ?" "Yeah." "Definitely." " See ya !" " Bye !" "Thanks." " Yes !" " We did it." " We got it !" " We nailed it." " I mean we got it!" " Come here." "I am really thrilled." " Let's go." " What ?" " Let's go." " Go and, okay." "Where are we going ?" "Doesn't matter." "Goin' to the go-go" "Okay." "Michael ?" "Michael ?" "Michael ?" "His car's not in the parking lot." "I should check the accident reports." "Who's this ?" "Jan?" "Morning, Pam." "No, nothing happened." "I swear !" "Nothing happened." "What I'm... totally being serious." "A gentleman does not kiss and tell." "And neither do I." "I'm...seriously, guys, I'm, I'm not, I don't wanna go into it at all." "t's of limits. (" "Fine, I took her back to her hotel, and we made out for a little while." "It was great." "I mean she told me about her divorce." "We talked for about five hours, she fell asleep on my arm." "You know." " Hello, Dwight." " Did you do her?" " Who ?" " Jan Levinson-Gould." "No, no..." " No Gould." " Did you do her ?" "This is none of your affair." " And she is your boss." " And she is a woman." "She is a strong, soft thoughtful, sexy woman." "And you know what ?" "I don't think I can sit here," "And let you talk about her that way," "Without me defending her honor." "Jan, I defend your honor." "Is that all ?" "Jan didn't come back for her car last night." "What ?" "!" "Could it be that Agent Michael Scarn has finally found his Catherine Zeta ?" "Oh, I don't know..." "Oh, my God !" " This is Jan's cell." " No way." "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam." "I know we have to register, as a consensual sexual relationship with HR." "My question, do I do it as the man, does she do it as my superior ?" "I" "I don't know." "That leads to other issues that we may have, in our relationship." "It's..." "Excuse me" "Hello?" "Hi, just talking about you." "The camera." "No.How's traffic ?" "I miss you, what ?" "Okay." "Well." "if it was a mistake, it was a wonderful mistake." "No, just..." "No, I did not intentionally get you drunk." "No, no." "This is just a fight." "This is just a first fight of many fights we're gonna have." "Right." "No." "You, I don't understand." "You wanna see other people." "Only other people." "I think you're still a little bit drunk." "Excuse me, Excuse me ?" "I think you're stil- yes." "Why don't you just come back here?" "We can go to the hotel." "Have a few drinks." "No, I didn't slip you something !" "Some might even say we had our first date last night." " Oh really?" " Really." " Why might some say that ?" " 'Cause there was dinner, by candelight" "Dinner and a show, if you include Michael's movie." "And there was dancing and fireworks." " Pretty good date.." " We didn't dance" "You're right, we didn't dance." "It was more like... swaying." " But, still romantic." " Swaying isn't dancing." "At least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game." "I have some faxes to get out." "Oh, come on." "Pam, I'm..." "Okay, we didn't dance." "And I was totally joking, anyway." "it's not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiancé." "Right ?"