"Why are you doing this?" "Because I can't bloody breathe, that's why!" "It's like living in a vacuum." "It's killing me!" "Don't go, Dad..." "Daddy!" " Was that fun?" "Yeah?" " Yeah!" "Good." "Okay, let's go." "Let's go." " I'm flying!" " You're flying." "You're flying." "Okay, here we go." "This is the one." "This is the one." "This is the one." "That's it." "Wind it." "I nearly got it!" "I got it." "I caught it!" "Dinner is served, madame." ""Once upon a time... there was... there was a starfish!" "A very brave, very inquisitive starfish who loved to travel the world on the salty seas, looking for adventure."" "But what about if a shark eats his arms?" "Oh, sharks don't eat starfish arms." "They're too spicy." "They prefer fish fingers." "But what about if they did." "Well, if they did, the thing about starfish is - the very magical thing about starfish - is that if they lose an arm, both arms, their legs" " they just grow them back again!" " Really?" " Really." " Really really?" " Really." "Are there starfish in the big water?" "In the lake?" "No, it's not salty enough." "Hmm..." "But we could put some in." "Yes." "Yes, we could put some in." "Do you know, I think that is probably enough for you tonight." "Night night." " Hey." " Hey." "Grace gave me an idea for a kid's story so I'm just..." "I'm just trying to get it all down." " Can I see?" " No!" "No, not till it's done." "You know the rules." " Spoil-sport." " Hmm." "How was it?" " Emotional for them." " Yeah?" "Sober for me." "Oh wow, do you think they're going to cope without you?" "Doubt it." "They're already asking when I'm coming back." "Well..." "I mean, you don't have to." "I could always go back to work." "And why would you do that?" "Because it's my turn to support you, for a change." "But then you'd be unhappy." "And so would I." "You're bringing in enough for the time being." "I think it works better this way." "Thank god" " I completely agree." " It's a leaving present." " You muppet." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Aw, Tom..." "I thought you might want to start painting again." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "My mum called - what's today?" "The ninth." "Yeah, well." "They only put this on the packet so they can sell more." "Well, you'll soon find out, won't you?" "What did she want?" "She wanted to know what I was doing for my birthday." "You mean she wants to know what she was doing for your birthday." "Yes." "We could always just ask her to come over." "Get your mum to come too." "Yeah, because they're such good friends." "Or we could just go to the pub." "Or we could just go to the pub." "It's too cold." "Oh, for god's sake." "Why do I bother?" "But warm your hands up first." "Goodnight, little one." "I hope you're sleeping well in there." "I cannot wait to meet you because we are going to have so much fun." " Night night." " Night." "Hey." "You Okay?" "Mmm." "Sausage attack." "Idiot." "I told you." "Have you been sick?" "God, my head's killing me!" " And my feet are cold." " Aw." "God, I feel rough." "I want Radiohead played at my funeral please." "Well, you'll be gone, so I get to choose the music." " It'll be Abba." " What?" "No." "You hate Abba." "Well, I'll want it to be a really miserable occasion." "Come on, you, let's get you some clean jim jams and get you back into bed." "♪ Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream" "♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream ♪" "Go to Nanny." "She's hurt her knee." "Oh!" "Oh, darling." "So what's the matter with Tom?" "Oh, he ate a Jurassic sausage." "Oh." "You need to take more care of that boy of yours." "He'll be fine." "I'll pick him up some Lucozade." " Bye." " See you later." "Come on then, let's go and have a look at this knee." "Okay, so that's..." " Yeah?" " Yeah, that's everything." "Okay, so these are both of them, yeah?" " And copies by the 23rd." " Check." "Chill, Winston." "It's under control." "You're on baby time now." "Thanks." "Believe me, I am so ready for a bit of feet up." "Ah, there you are." "How you feeling?" "Tom?" "Tom?" "Tom!" "Tom, can you hear me?" "Can you hear me?" "Hands... cold..." "Cold." "Okay." "There you go." "You're gonna be fine." "Someone's coming, okay?" "Tom, look at me." "Look at me!" " Can you hear me?" "Can you hear me?" "Stay awake, Tom." "Stay awake." " Tom..." " Can you hear me?" " Tom?" " Left or right?" "I'm not sure what we're dealing with here." "What do you think?" "Which way?" "The nearest." "Right." "Go right." "It okay." "It's all right, they've just gone to get someone." "Needles..." "Needles... needles..." " Needles..." " What?" "My chest... get them out..." " What sort of needles?" "It's all right." " Needles... get them out!" "Get them out!" " Tom, it's all right." "It's all right..." " Needles..." "What's the matter?" "Okay, Mr Ray, try to relax." " Needles... needles..." " Where does it hurt exactly?" "How are you feeling, old chum?" "Feet... feet cold..." "cold feet..." "Is there a history of diabetes in his family?" "I don't think so." "Nevertheless, we'll get you a warming blanket and see if we can't do something about those feet." "Well, what is it?" "Why is he turning that colour?" "Just relax and take care of that baby." "Your husband is in very good hands." "Hey..." "Don't leave." "Never." "Never." "Never." " You all right?" " What on earth is going on?" "It's been hours." "Where's the doctor?" "I'm sure someone will be along in a few minutes." "Jesus..." "Oh my god!" "Tom?" "Get the doctor now!" "Now!" "Tom, come on..." "Shh." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay, baby..." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "Never surrenders..." "All right?" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" " Do it!" "Do it!" " Never surrenders!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "Do it!" "How is he?" " Not great." " Well, have you spoken to a doctor?" "Right, well, I'm gonna find someone." "Well, they think it might be food poisoning." "He ate some out of date sausages." "Oh for god's sake!" "Why didn't you throw them away?" "!" "Well, I don't do the shopping." " Mrs Ray?" " Yes?" "Just a change of clothes." "Underwear." "Toothbrush." "Tell Gracie I'll be home as soon as I can." "No idea." "Okay." "Thanks, Mum." "It has nothing to do with the sausage, Mrs Ray." "The cold hands and feet are due to sepsis." "He has multiple organ failure." "We think the origin may have been a chest infection." "Somehow the bug has got into his bloodstream and his immune system has massively over-reacted." "We're talking about something that is very, very serious." "Is he going to die?" "9 out of 10 people who get this die within 24 hours." "But your husband is still here." "If we move quickly, maybe he can be the one we save." "There will have to be intervention." "There will have to be... removal of the affected parts of the body beyond the spread." "Very tightly, so it doesn't all shoot open." "That's it - you've got it." "I'm going to go down there, Mum." " Good idea." " Can I come?" " Not today, sweetheart." " But I've got a present for Daddy." " What is it?" " It's a surprise." "He'll love that." "We'll save it for a special day." "But I want to see Daddy." "I know, sweetie." "I know." "How you doing, son?" " Dad?" " Happy Birthday." "You remembered..." "You always remember your kid's birthdays." "They're the happiest days of your life..." "This is fun, eh, kids?" "♪ Happy birthday to you" "♪ Happy birthday to you" "♪ Happy birthday, dear Tom" "♪ Happy birthday to you ♪" "Where would you like the camera, sir?" "Put it..." "Over there." "Go on." "Everything okay, kids?" "He's amazing." "He tells such great stories." "Everybody loves him." "It must be great having him for a dad." "Are you having a nice birthday, Tom?" "We have to go further." "Well, what's left?" "Parts of his face are necrotic." "Gangrenous." "More sepsis." "I don't understand." "His face is dying." "Breathe." "What's happening?" "!" "It'll be fine." "Don't worry about anything." "Just... just concentrate on the baby, okay?" "Please... please find out." "Say hello to your son." "I need you to think of a name." "Nothing stupid, okay?" "I'm not having Bruce." "Or Lennon." "What do you think to Freddy?" "I think Freddy's nice." "Do you like Freddy?" "Knew you would." "God, I miss you..." "I miss you so much." "Do you want a coffee or something?" "Oh, I can't stop." "I'm on a bit of a schedule." "Clients..." "Yeah." " Here you go." " Thanks." "Enjoy." "It's only until you get back on your feet." "Probably for the best." "Need to cut costs." "It'll be fine." "How's work?" "Oh, you know." "Clients." "Yeah." "Getting it ready." "You got the present, yeah?" "Okay, let me just... one second." "Come on." "Shh, shh, shh." "Okay." "Am I going to see Daddy?" "Maybe." "We'll have to see how he is." " Right..." " Oh, good girl." "That's it." "Okay, just give me five minutes with him on my own first." "I just need to make sure this is going to work." "Are you sure about this?" "It's been too long." "If I wait until after the reconstruction, that's another three months." "Just keep her nice and calm and no sweets, okay?" "Mummy's gone to go and get Daddy ready." " Yay!" " Yes, that'll be nice." "Is that for Daddy?" "Where's Nicola?" "She's gone to get Tom ready." "Right, come on." "Let's go see Daddy" "No, no." "She said for us to wait here." "Do you want some sweeties?" "No, no." "It's not a very good idea..." "Well, that's a surprise." "She gets... excitable." "I don't think a bit of chocolate is going to turn her into Godzilla." "Where's Daddy?" "He's here, Gracie." "That's not my daddy." "Grace - wait!" "Tom?" "Can you hear me, Tom?" "We're going to need to know how you are coping." "So I'm going to check regularly and when I do, blink once if you're all right twice if you're in pain." "Okay?" "Ready?" "Physiotherapy?" "They must be pleased with you, tough guy." "They've been showing me all the new Tom models they've been working on." "He suggested a Pitt or a Clooney." "But I said I just wanted something close to the original." "You may change your mind." "Never." "We'll get the new you home get things sorted, get back on track." "It'll be tough but we can do it." "We can." "I just..." "I just want Grace back." "She'll come around." "You're her dad, she loves you." "I'm so worried." "Me too." "But we're strong." "We'll find a way." "And we'll have help - my mum will help." "And my mum." "And your mum..." " Yeah." " Good." "Right..." "Hello?" "Why don't you answer your phone?" "Sorry, I was outside." "Are you ill?" " No, I'm fine." " Well, when are you going in?" "Usual time." "When you do, talk to the staff about checking on him regularly." "I was there about an hour before the nurse came in and I didn't see" "Shit!" "Can you read me a story tonight?" "Not tonight, sweetheart." "Mummy's really tired." "Please?" "No, not tonight, Grace." "I'm really done in." "Come on, eat your dinner." "Not hungry!" "Eat your dinner, Grace!" "Which one you doing first?" "There we go." "You look exhausted." "Are you getting enough sleep?" "Shouldn't think so." "I'm really worried about you." "I wish you wouldn't keep saying that." "You and the kids are all I have to be worried about." "Right, why don't you go and get some books and toys to put in your rucksack?" "Okay?" "And you need to spend more time with her." "Mum." "Don't..." "This is the beginning of the rest of her life." " I know." " And yours." " Mum..." " How are you going to bring up a baby?" "How are you going to live here in this house if Tom..." " When Tom comes back?" " Mum, stop." "Please..." "If you don't, I don't think I'm going to be able to keep it together." "And I have to keep it together." "Okay?" "I have to." "Fuck off!" "I can't do this, Tom..." "I can't do it." "I can't." "Do you want to show Daddy your drawing?" " It's not done." " Oh, okay." "Well, when it is." "Come on, come and sit here." "There's been a good response to the run." " Yeah?" " Yeah, really good." "And the website's doing okay." "Yeah?" "Maybe you could do something for it..." " Hey..." " Come on, you gonna eat that?" "Nic..." "I need the loo." " Oh, okay." " Now." "Okay." "Finished!" "Just a minute." "Mummy!" "Not right now, Grace." "I'm just helping Daddy up the stairs." "Freddy, stop it!" "Mummy!" "Grace?" "Grace?" "Now that was silly, wasn't it?" "I was going to look at your picture, I just had to help Daddy." "It's very nice." "And very good." "Can I show it to Daddy?" "It's for Daddy." "Is it?" "Thank you." "He'll love that." "You know he loves you very much, don't you?" "And he's still your same Daddy." "Even though he looks a little bit different." "But why does he have hooks?" "Well, they're just to help him for a little while until we can get him some better hands and arms." "Will you help us do that?" "Good girl." "So, again, thank you for coming." "And let's get this show on the road." "On your marks... get set... go!" " Yay!" "Go Mummy!" " Mummy!" "Brilliant!" "Go Mary!" "Have we got enough money yet?" "That's what I'm trying to work out." "Are those the runners?" "How do you draw a cow?" "Well... you start with a big circle for the body and then you do a smaller circle for the head and then you add the horns, and the tail, and the legs." "Mine aren't going to have any legs." "Why?" "They're gonna be lying down watching the runners." "Oh." "Of course they are." "Honestly?" "If this had happened to anybody else" "I'm not sure the old me would have responded to this kind of appeal." "Like you, I assumed we lived in a caring society that there are safeguards in place to protect the victims of such life-changing illnesses from being forced to beg for help from their friends and family." "But the truth is, there aren't." "If Tom was a serviceman injured in the line of duty or a rugby match, or if he was injured in an industrial accident- then yes, there would be systems insurance policies and organizations in place to help us." "But Tom did nothing to put himself - or us - at risk." "He was Mr Normal." "His illness came out of nowhere." "And there is no legislation for things that happen to Mr Normal no safety net to support him or his family" "nothing to help us fight the battles we are going to have to face in the next ten, twenty, or even fifty years ahead." "As far as the state is concerned all they have to do is give him two sticks to stand on and hooks to do everything else with and their obligations to us are totally discharged." "So... if you can help us do a little better than that" "if you can help us to fund the technology that will make Tom's life a better... more bearable one help him regain his self-respect and allow him to make the contribution that he's capable of" "then not only will you be more caring than the society you live in" "but you will have the undying gratitude... of a small... but very determined family." "Thank you." " Look!" " I know!" "Clever, isn't it?" "It's good, isn't it?" "I think this is going to take a bit more work." " Sorry." " It's all right." "I was thinking... maybe I could take Grace to playschool tomorrow instead of your mum." "What?" "Not a good idea?" "Maybe not yet." "She's got her routines." "She likes going with Mum." "I don't want to unsettle things." "And..." "What?" "The other kids." "Yeah..." "Yeah... no, of course." "It was just a thought." "It's open." "Grace." "Gracie." " Hello." " Grace, Nana's here." " There's a good girl." " Come on, you big lump." "There, good." " One, two." " Oh dear." "Hello, love." "Nic, you're drowning in here." " Here you go." " Come on, Freddy." "There's a good boy." "Have you talked to him yet?" "Not yet." "Come on, let's go!" "Off we go, with Nana." " Bye." " Bye." "See you later." "Come on, off we go." "I'll have to give the oar back soon." "I can't keep it forever." "Don't see why not." "You've done enough for them." "I can't, Tom." "I don't work there any more." "Besides, we're going to have to get something bigger." "Well, what about the fund?" "We can't use it for living costs." "We could go on holiday with it..." "Joke." "Maybe we should use the rest of the money to sue." "I don't know." "I still think that's a big ask." "Yeah." "But if they'd taken me to the right hospital... or if we hadn't been left in AE for so long..." "We can't afford it." "No." "Unless..." "Mum suggested we sell this place and move in with her." "Yeah, that's not one of her better ideas." "Well, I don't think it would be so bad." "It's much bigger and she's just rattling around it by herself." " No!" " She'd be a big help to me." "No!" "Well, it'd save a lot." "Absolutely not." "Not ever." "I don't even..." "I don't even want to talk about it." "Tell her no." "This... this is our family house, Nic." "I'm not losing it." "We're staying here." "Final answer." "And again." "Go on, shoot!" "Yeah, back." "Go get them, Fred." "Goal!" "Good boy!" "Clever boy!" "Oh, I know." "You ready?" "Yeah..." "I hope it's better than last time." "You're in good shape now." "He'll go for it." "God, I hope so." "I'm so sick of looking like this." "He will." "Come on, we don't want to keep him waiting." "Good." "Good." "Very good." "This is the bit I worry about." "It gives me trouble when I eat or drink." "Are you going to do more work on it?" "Give me a properly functioning mouth?" "Maybe one that looks a little better..." "The nose is okay, I can um..." "I can deal with that, but it's... it's..." "The rest gets me down." "I understand." "And I wish I could be more optimistic." "To be honest, I'm not sure that there's much more that I could achieve." "Or that the pain that I would have to put you through would be worth the result." "Are you saying this is it?" "This is how I stay?" "It's not..." "It's not going to get any better?" "All the dribbling, the wetness... the ugliness..." "If you'd like, I can refer you to a specialist for a second opinion." "I thought you were a specialist!" " I am." "But" " But?" "Not in facial reconstruction." "You are my first." "He did save your life, Tom..." "Fly away and back again." "Fly away and back again." "Do you remember when we used to do this when you were kids?" "Not really." "Well, we did." "If it's all the same to you" "I'd prefer not to imagine you and me and Dad in some sort of happy family scene." "I always wondered why you married him." "Because I was in love with him." "Really?" "Well, none of the rest of us were." "Yes, you were." "Not now, obviously, but you were once." "He was your dad." "Not a fantastic man, but... he was your dad." "I could never understand why all the other kids had such great dads and we were stuck with him." "Adam and I, we used to talk about it for hours." "Wondering if we were going to grow up to be as crap as he was." "You're nothing like him, either of you." "You're good fathers and you care about the people you love." "Eat your food up, Gracie." "I am!" "Yeah but you're not eating your meat." " I am." " You've got to eat your meat." "It'll make you strong, won't it, Mummy?" "Yeah..." "Do you want me to cut that up for you, Freddy?" "There." "You're doing very well." "There you are." "Mum, can you look after Freddy tomorrow?" "Yes, of course." "Well, I could look after him." "It's his toddler swimming." "Oh..." "Can I have some more?" "What, are we on rations or something?" "Your boyfriend called." "He wants to know if I'd be interested in going back to work with him." "I'll bet he does." "We need the money, Tom." "Well, never mind." "I've done the lottery this week." "I've done five lines." "Pass the salt." "this is pepper!" "It doesn't matter." "Don't bother." "It's bad for me anyway." "Everything's bad for me." "Can we go again tomorrow?" "We've looked so many times." "Can't we go do something else?" "Please?" "No." "But what if the salty sea brings one tonight?" "It was a story." "I made it up." "You see, the salty sea can't join up with our lake." "So the starfish can't get there." "But you said all the water joins up somewhere." "Did I?" "Well, I made it up." "I shouldn't have done that." "People shouldn't make things up." "They should tell each other the truth." "But it might be the truth." "Grownups don't know everything." "No, they don't." "Night night." "Night night." "It's okay." "I'll get Nana to take me." "Grace." "Grace, what are you doing?" "Nothing." "All right." "Tom?" "I've left your pills out, don't forget to take them." "No." "Promise?" "No..." " Tom?" " Yes." "See you later." "What?" "!" "Come on!" "Hello?" "Tom?" "There isn't going to be any fucking compensation." "Dear Dad..." "It's been a long time." "I hope you're well, and busy." "I've always followed your career especially when you were at the National." "You may not know this but you were a big influence on us,." "I used to love doing accents and dialects but my mouth 's all swollen up now and my lips are distorted so the diction's mostly gone." "I wish things had gone differently for us." "Where's the sense in life if we just fill it with silence?" "I woke up one night and started to die." "It's made me realise that our relationships are all we leave behind." "The thing is, Dad, I'm broke." "I mean really brassic." "The illness has cleaned us out and it's getting to the point where we're going under, So"... lam writing to ask if you can help us out with a small loan " "help us get through the next few months till I can get back into some kind of work." "If you can't spare a few bob, perhaps we can still stay in touch and fill some of the silence." "Grace seems much happier these days." "Give it a fucking rest." " Sorry?" " Why, what are you sorry for?" " You sorry for sticking your nose in?" " Tom..." "What?" "I..." "I worry about what's best." "Well, you don't get to decide what's best." "We do that." "You don't get to make the decisions." "We do." "I do." "I do that because they're my kids." "And I'm their father, not you." "YES?" "Well, I'm sorry if you think I'm interfering" "Sorry, yes, you're sorry." "You're so sorry." "Sorry that your daughter ever fucking married me." " That's not fair!" " No, it bloody isn't!" "Do you know what else isn't fair, huh?" "It's not fair that we all have to live here." "With each other." "That was another one of your great ideas." "What's fair about that?" "Because no one asked me." "We're my feelings ever considered?" "No." " And here we bloody are!" " We had to do something." "You were going to lose the house anyway." " Please - stop it!" "Stop it!" " Do you think it's fair... that I got eaten by some fucking killer bug?" " Tom!" " And I suppose... you would think it would be fairer if I hadn't managed to beat the fucking thing and survive." "Perhaps it would have been fairer if I'd died." "To I everyone else." "Is that what you think?" "ls it?" "Then you could take over completely." "You could run everything Jean's way!" "Well, I'm so sorry to get in the fucking way!" "What?" "!" "It's not me." "It's her." "She's just trying to protect me." "Me and Gracie and Freddy." "She's done everything she can." "We all do everything we can." "We walk on egg shells around you." "You only see how this thing affects you." "You don't, you won't, see how it's hurting everybody else." "No, she's..." "She's stealing you away from me, Nic." "You and the kids... no, actually no..." "It's worse than that." "It's like she is turning me into a kid." "It's like you and her, you're the... you're the fucking adults and I am just another baby to be spoon fed and cleaned up after." "It's like I'm losing everything." "Everything..." "Every last bit of what makes me a man - it's disappearing." "And then... after I've lost my dignity what do I have left?" "Nothing." "Nothing, that's it." "I can't work." "I can't make money." "I can't give you or Freddy or Grace any... any of the things I wanted to." "All the things... all the things I never had." "I can't..." "I can't kiss them goodnight." "I can't hold their hands." "I can't even smell them." "I can't smell you any more." "Or make love to you." "I can't, Tom." "I can't." "I can't do that any more." "Look at me." "I'm a wreck." "I'm not desirable..." "Do you really want to make love to me?" "Do you really need another reminder of what it was like before?" "Of what we've lost?" "Because I don't." "I just want to get through the days and get us to some sort of secure place where if..." "I don't know." "Some sort of normality that isn't this." "And if we can't ever be truly happy at least we could have some sort of happiness around us." "You, Grace and Freddy are everything to me." "And I'll never stop loving you, Tom." "I'll never stop believing in you." "But..." "I can't..." "I can't make love to you." "I just can't..." "I can't be that girl any more." "I've seen and done things that no lover should have to." "I don't even dream like I used to." "I don't dream at all." "I just plan." "And I try and get through the days." "And you make that so very difficult, Tom." "With your..." "with your black moods and... and the way you hate everybody and everything." "God knows you have a right to be angry but we are not your enemy." "Not me, not Gracie, not Freddy not my mum." "We're the ones who love you." "We're the ones who go through that pain with you." "Every inch." "Every second." "Every day." "And all we get back is more hurt, more anger, more pain." "God, it's getting like we can't even breathe when you're around." "You just... you just suck all the air out of every room you're in." "Don't leave me, Nic." "Please... please..." "Please don't leave me." "Don't you get it?" "We're not leaving you." "It's the other way around." "Pass!" "Here!" "Here!" " I'm gonna shoot!" " Here!" "Yeah, here." "Yeah, yeah..." " Oh Joey!" " Idiot!" "What did you do that for?" "You better go get it." "Or get another one." "What a loser!" "No wonder his dad ran off." "Tom?" "What on earth are you doing?" "His ball's gone over the wall." "I'm helping him get it back." "Jean, could you pass me that ladder?" "I'm sorry..." "Tom?" "I'm all right." "Brilliant!" "Never surrenders..." "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Bloody brilliant." "Bloody brilliant." "♪ I don't ever want to be" "♪ A ghost unto to my family" "♪ Only in transparency" "♪ Haunting never suited me" "♪ Though you would never ask me to" "♪ And I don't even have to say" "♪ Empires rise and fall" "♪ I will hold you still when they shake" "♪ And if you were to lose it all" "♪ Well, it happens sometimes" "♪ And there would still be this place" "♪ Empires rise and fall" "♪ I will hold you still when they shake" "♪ And if you were to lose it all" "♪ Well, it happens sometimes" "♪ And there would still be this place ♪"