"Hi, honey." "Oh, hi there." "How's the baby?" "He's fine." "We played for a couple of hours and then he went to sleep." "Oh, good." "Wait till you see what I got." "Lucy..." "What?" "You didn't buy more clothes?" "Didn't I?" "Now, look, honey, I'm only going to do one part in one picture, and we're only going to be in Hollywood one month." "Exactly." "We're going to be there a whole month." "It sounds different when you say it." "Wait till you see the wonderful bathing suit I got." "Look." "That's real cute." "You like it?" "Yeah." "You want to see how it looks?" "Now wait just a minute, honey." "Don't wake up little Ricky just to try a bathing suit on him." "Little Ricky?" "This is for me." "What?" "!" "Usted no se puede poner ese traje de bano en ningun lugar del mundo!" "How dare you say whatever you said!" "Look, no wife of mine is gonna be seen wearing that thing." "All right, I'll take it back." "Okay." "I can't afford to argue with you... till we get out there." "What's all that?" "Travel folders." "Trying to figure out which is the best way to go." "You know, we've got to save as much money as we can on this trip." "Well, movie stars always fly." "I'm not a movie star yet." "Let's not spend the money before we make it." "I was undecided between the bus and the train." "Well, I don't know..." "It's better for the baby." "It's the quickest." "He'll sleep the whole way." "Well, that's true." "Look here." ""Special facilities for the baby." "Family plan." "Your wife and children can fly for half fare."" "Well, I..." "I guess it'll be better for the baby." "Why, sure." "Well, you'd better make reservations, too." "Good flights are hard to get on." "Okay, I'll call them." "The bus or the train." "Really, Ricky." "All right, all right!" "I was just thinking." "Reservations, please." "I'd like to make reservation for Los Angeles next Monday." "That's two adults and a child." "Family plan." "Uh, Ricky, you've never been across the country, have you?" "No." "What?" "Leaves in the evening, gets there the next morning?" "Well, that will be fine." "Yes, the name is Ricardo." "Just a minute, Ricky." "Listen..." "Ricardo." "R-i-c..." "You know, it'd be a shame to cross the country and not really get a chance to see it, don't you think?" "No, no, no." ""C." "C."" ""R-I..." You know, on the train, you can see the country you're passing through." "This is little Ricky's first chance to go across the United States, so don't you think you ought to get a chance to really see it?" "Don't you think so?" "Would you please keep quiet?" "No, not you, sir." "No." "Would you please hang on a minute?" "Now, look, honey, will you keep quiet so I can talk to the man?" "Yeah, well, talk all you want to, but we're taking the train." "All right." "Well..." "What?" "!" "I said we're taking the train." "Would you please hang on a minute?" "Look, this may be the baby's only chance to cross the United States, and I think he should see it." "Now, we are taking the train." "Look, mister, I'm afraid that I'm gonna have..." "Oh, you're married, too." "Thanks anyway." "Now, look, Lucy, why don't you make up your mind which way you want to go before you get me involved with all these people?" "First, it's got to be the plane." "Now, it's got to be the train." "Yeah, well, you got to admit it makes sense." "Now, now, here's the number." "You call them." "You'd better read the bus folder before I call them." "Oh, don't be silly, the bus." "You sure you want the train?" "I'm positive." "All right, the train." "It's a wonderful chance for the baby to see all of the United States." "I just didn't think of it." "Okay." "That's all." "Okay." "Reservations, please." "Look, I'd like to make a reservation for Los Angeles next Monday for two adults and a child." "Yes, I'll hang on." "Uh, Ricky?" "What?" "Oh, that's good." "Yeah, I'll pick them up tomorrow." "How much would they be?" "Uh, could I speak to you, dear?" "In a minute." "No, now, dear." "Will you please hang on a minute?" "Well, listen." ""Get the most out of your cross-country trip." ""Don't fly over it" ""or whoosh through it at 80 or 90 miles an hour" ""without stopping." ""On the bus, you make frequent stops." ""You can get out, see the scenery," ""meet the people in various parts of the country." "You and your fellow passengers are one big happy family."" "One big happy family." "Isn't that nice?" "Look, mister, I'll have to call you back on this." "Yes, thank you very much." "I was only thinking of the baby." "Look, Lucy, this whole thing was my fault." "I..." "Your fault?" "Yeah." "It was something that I said that started this whole thing." "What'd you say?" "I do." "Now, look, I'll carry you and little Ricky across country piggyback if you'll just make up your mind which way you want to go." "Now, once and for all, what is it gonna be?" "Plane, train or bus?" "Have you decided?" "Yes." "Well?" "We'll go by car." "Good." "I'll call..." "By car?" "Yeah." "We don't even own a car." "Well, we'll get one." "I don't know why didn't think of this before." "That way, we can really see the country." "Stop where we want to as long as we want to." "We can see the Grand Canyon, Pike's Peak, Yosemite." "Huh?" "You know, you'll have to get a car when you get out there anyway." "You absolutely need a car in Southern California." "You do, huh?" "Yeah." "I've been reading up on it." "There's a car for every 2?" "people in California." "Now, you and I and little Ricky, that's 2?" "people." "When we get to the border, without a car, they won't let us in." "Well, you know something?" "I think you've got something there someplace." "We probably can get a convertible here a lot cheaper than out there." "A Cadillac convertible!" "Who said nothing about a Cadillac convertible!" "I mean, maybe if we can get a used car, we maybe can afford it, but don't get your heart set on a Cadillac convertible kind of a deal." "No." "No, I won't give it another thought." "Good." "Cadillac convertible!" "Oh, hi." "Come on in." "Hi." "Hi." "Hi, Fred." "Hi, Ethel." "Oh, Ethel, wait till you see the wonderful bathing suit I got." "ok, honey, isn't this just absolutely dreamy?" "Very nice." "What's eating her?" "She's been moping around the house like a sick cat just 'cause you two are leaving." "Aw, honey, don't feel like that." "We're only gonna be gone a month." "No, you won't." "Ricky will be a big star and they'll give him a long-term contract and you'll get a house and stay out there." "We'll never see you again." "Oh, honey, of course you will." "Even if we do stay out there, you'll come visit us." "Oh, no, we won't." "It's too far." "Besides, you'll make all new friends." "They'll be rich and famous." "You won't have any time for us." "Yes, we will, honey." "Now, look, Ethel, I promise you, no matter how big a star we become, and even after we win the Oscar, you'll still be our dearest and closest friends." "We'll never forget you, honey." "We'll never forget you either." "Look at those two, will you?" "Two sentimental idiots." "Well, I can't help it when I think I may never see my little godson again." "Oh, no..." "Now, cut it out." "Yeah, cut it out, will you?" "When you see all those fancy people, we'll look kind of dowdy and plain to you." "No, honey." "You won't want to see us anymore." "Hey, hey!" "Why don't you come along with us?" "You mean, us?" "Go to California?" "Yeah." "Why not?" "Oh, wonderful!" "Sure, that would be great." "Hey, hey, hold it." "We can't afford a trip like that." "Oh, why not, Fred." "We never go anyplace." "I haven't been out of this town for 20 years." "Now, just a minute." "You forget that lovely trip you took to Minnesota." "Oh, that was a lot of fun." "I went to Mayo Brothers to have my gallstones taken out." "You can yak all you want to." "You know as well as I do that we can't afford this trip." "Those tickets cost money." "Oh, no, no, Fred!" "We're getting a car and driving out." "Oh, you're buying a car, huh?" "Yeah." "And the whole back seat is empty, so you might as well come along." "How about it, Fred?" "Well, it does seem like a cheap way to go." "California, here we come!" "Hooray!" "That's great, Fred." "It'll practically be for nothing." "We'll each pay for half of the gas..." "Pay for half the gas?" "!" "New York, here we stay." "Well, I thought as long as you're going, you'll want to pay for half of the expenses." "Well, I don't see why." "You're going anyway." "Well, when the front seat goes, the back seat has to follow." "Well, I just thought..." "Don't think I'm gonna pay for half your trip." "Well, how do you like that?" "All right now, fellas, don't lose your tempers." "Oh, it's no use, Lucy." "I knew it was too good to last." "The only way I'll get a trip is to stay right here in New York and hope for another gallstone." "Gee, Ethel, I sure feel sorry for you, being married to such a pinch penny." "Well, you're not exactly married to the horn of plenty." "What do you mean by that?" "Well, for once, I think Fred is right." "Why should you stick us for half your gasoline?" "Stick you?" "Well!" "Now I know who holds the penny while Fred pinches it!" "That does it." "Yeah, we wouldn't go now if you begged us!" "Don't worry." "Come on, Fred." "Yeah, get out of our back seat." "Gladly." "How do you like that?" "We got to go anyway." "We got to buy-- pay for the gas anyhow." "Huh!" "Huh, huh!" "Hey, hey, wait a minute." "Ricky?" "Ricky, we are going anyway." "Hmm?" "We do have to pay for the gas anyhow and the back seat is empty." "How do you like that?" "I think it's finally happened." "What has?" "Well, I think that this time" "I'm a tighter skate than Fred." "Huh?" "My flint is skinnier than his." "Does that mean that you want them to go?" "Sure." "Oh!" "Oh, boy!" "You'll really take us, Ricky?" "Will you pay for half of the oil?" "No, but I'll furnish all the water." "Oh, California, here we come." "Hi, girl." "Hi." "Hi." "How's the baby?" "Mrs. Trumbull took him over to the park for a walk." "Did you buy a car?" "No." "No." "We looked at a hundred of them and drove them all around the block." "If we'd been driving in a straight line, we'd be in California by now." "Oh, what a shame." "And all those ads in the paper sounded so good, too." "Yeah, they sounded good, but you should've seen them." "I slid in and out of so many car seats, my pants are shiny." "Aw, Ricky." "Well, don't give up." "Fred may be able to help you." "Fred?" "Yeah." "He's got a friend who's in the used car business." "Now he tells us." "He never thought about it until after you left." "Oh, good." "I'll call him." "Fred!" "He and this guy are real pals." "They used to be in vaudeville together, so he ought to give you a good deal." "Fred!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I didn't see you come in." "Listen, Lucy and Ricky didn't find a car." "I can't hear you." "My head's still ringing." "Now what?" "Lucy and Ricky didn't find a car." "They want to talk to your friend." "Yeah, listen, Fred." "Who is this fellow?" "Well, it's Al Hergershimer." "He's got a lot over in Brooklyn." "You think he'll give us a good deal?" "Sure." "He says since it's me," "I can have any car on the lot at wholesale price." "Hey, that sounds wonderful." "Yeah, we'd better go see him right now." "No, no, no, no, no." "I'd better go over there alone, Rick." "Why?" "Well, he probably has read the paper about him becoming a movie star." "Oh, The price will go up right away." "Yeah." "All right, you'd better go alone." "Now, you sure you know what we want?" "A Cadillac convertible." "Yeah." "Good transportation at a reasonable price." "Don't worry, just leave it to me." "Okay, now, look." "Take a good look at the tires." "It's a long trip to California." "Yeah, Fred, get a pretty color, will ya?" "Yeah." "And get a nice, big, roomy back seat." "Okay, now, wish me luck." "Okay." "Okay." "Bye." "So long." "So long." "Good transportation at a reasonable price." "Yeah, well, sure." "Sure, we're just gonna take our time driving out and see the country." "Oh, isn't it wonderful?" "I can hardly believe it myself." "Hey, would you like me to give a message to any of the gang out there?" "You know, Clark or Cary or Van or Marlon?" "Oh, all right." "Tell Bill Holden that Marion Van Vlack saw Sabrina five times!" "Well, he'll be delighted." "Lucy, Lucy, hang up." "Yeah, what?" "I got something to tell you." "Oh." "I'll call you back, dear." "Bye-bye." "What?" "Fred just called me." "Yeah, what is it?" "Well, wake up Ricky." "I want him to hear this, too." "Okay." "Honey, honey, honey." "Huh?" "No, no, no." "No, Mr. Zanuck, no." "My price is a million dollars, Mr. Zanuck." "Now, yes or no?" "Make up your mind." "Shake him again." "Well, I kind of hate to wake him up until he's made the deal." "Oh, Ricky!" "Ricky, wake up!" "What?" "!" "Wake up, Ricky!" "Come on, Huh?" "come on." "What's the matter?" "Yeah." "Fred just called me." "He's bought a car and he's on his way home with it." "Bought it?" "!" "What?" "!" "Without showing it to us?" "Well, he couldn't get you on the phone and he said there were two guys were waiting just to snap it up." "What is it?" "What kind is it?" "It's a Cadillac." "A Cadillac!" "What color?" "Blue." "Oh, that'll be wonderful with my hair!" "Is it a convertible?" "I don't know, but he said it was just like brand-new, that paint's in good shape, the tires are fine and the top works perfectly." "The top." "That means it's a convertible." "Oh, sure." "A blue Cadillac convertible!" "Oh, boy!" "Eh, how-how-how much did it cost?" "$300." "$300?" "For a Cadillac?" "Oh, no, that..." "Oh, that must be the down payment or something." "Oh, well, maybe so." "I was so excited, I don't really know." "Well, let's go downstairs and wait for him, huh?" "I'll get my coat Okay. and meet you..." "I wonder how much he really paid for this." "Gee, I hope the baby gets back in time to see it." "Oh, boy, a blue Cadillac convertible!" "I wonder what's keeping him." "Gee, our first car." "I can hardly wait to see it." "I hope he got a good car." "It's a long trip to California." "Oh, it will be a good one." "I told you, this is a good friend of Fred's." "That's good." "Hey, here comes a blue car." "And it's a Cadillac." "And isn't that Fred driving?" "I don't think so." "Oh, it's a beauty and it's almost brand-new." "Sure, that's Fred." "No." "Of course it is." "It's our car, and it's Fred driving." "Then how come it turned the corner?" "Oh." "Here comes a blue car!" "Yeah." "Oh, that isn't a Cadillac, is it, Ricky?" "I don't think so." "I hope not." "That car must be seven or eight years old." "We'll never get to California." "Well, what do you think of it?" "Fred Mertz, this better be some kind of a joke." "Joke?" "This is a very fine car." "It is a Cadillac." "It is?" "Yeah, it's a Cadillac all right." "And it is a convertible." "The top goes up and down." "Well, the doors work fine." "Fred, you really didn't pay 300 bucks for this hunk of junk?" "Now, just for your information, two other guys wanted to buy this car." "Where were they from?" "The Smithsonian Institute?" "So, it isn't brand-new, but it's better than one of those flimsy jobs off the assembly line." "They don't make them like this anymore." "I can understand why." "Now, put that back." "Does this one come off, too?" "You dropped something." "It's falling apart right in front of our eyes." "Well, maybe the body does need a little tightening, but that engine is sound as a dollar." "Yeah?" "That's about all it's worth, too." "I tell you, this car's in good shape, and it drives beautifully." "Now jump in and I'll take you for a spin." "Well, what have we got to lose?" "Our lives, that's what." "Come on, get in, get in." "All right, go on." "Get in." "Come on, let's hurry up and get out of here before we have to ride the engine bareback." "Well... okay, here we go." "Just needs a little tune-up, that's all." "Fred Mertz, you go right back to Brooklyn and get the money you paid for this time bomb." "Well, maybe it isn't everything he said it was." "I'm sorry, Ricky." "I hope I can get your money back." "My money?" "!" "Well, naturally, I didn't want to buy a car." "Well, I didn't tell you to buy this thing." "How about that, Ethel?" "Don't come crying to me." "Anybody who's dumb enough to pay $300 for this thing deserves to lose the money." "Now, you go back to Brooklyn, and don't you come home until you've got our money in your pocket." "Okay." "Have you got 15 cents for the subway?" "Gee, I felt sorry for Fred." "He looked so disappointed." "Yeah." "I wish there was some way that I could help him, Ethel." "Oh, it serves him right." "Maybe it'll teach him a lesson." "You think they'll give him his money back?" "Well, if they don't, maybe he can sell it to somebody." "Who?" "Where are you going to find another Fred?" "Well, there must be somebody that wants an old car like that." "Maybe a museum or something." "Well, maybe a television company or a moving picture outfit or something like that might be able to use it..." "Hey!" "Hey!" "How about calling Fred's used car pal and telling him that we're a television studio and that we need a car like that?" "And that we'll pay maybe as much as... $500." "Oh, he'd buy it back from Fred in a jiffy." "What's that guy's name?" "Uh, Hergershimer." "I got the number." "Fred gave it to me in case I had to call him." "Uh, Nevins 8-2098." "Lucy, I got to hand it to you." "You got a wonderful sneaky mind." "Well, thank you very much." "Hey, you let me..." "better let me talk to him." "Where are you supposed to be from?" "The Cuban Television Network?" "Yeah." "CBS." "The Cuban Broadcasting System." "Oh..." "Hello." "Hello." "Um..." "I know this is no use." "I've made about a hundred phone calls, but, uh, we need a certain type of automobile for a television sketch that we're doing." "Uh, yes, we need a... a 1923 Cadillac touring car." "Uh, we don't have much money, but, uh, we could pay $500." "Oh." "Oh, you don't have one right there, but you know where you could get one?" "Oh, that's wonderful." "Just a minute." "Oh, that's wonderful, Mr. O'Brien!" "He knows where he can get one, Mr. O'Brien!" "Faith and Begorra, that is good news!" "Uh, yeah, would you, would you call me back on that?" "Uh, my name is McGillicuddy." "Uh, yes, I'm with the..." "Television Company." "Yes, the telephone number is Murray Hill 5-9-0-9-9..." "Yes." "Yes, will you call me right back?" "Thank you." "He bit!" "Hi, Fred." "Thought I was pretty dumb, huh?" "Thought I couldn't make a decent deal, huh?" "What happened, Fred?" "What happened, Fred?" "Well, I'll tell you what happened." "I no sooner walked on his lot, then he wanted to buy the car back." "Well, you sold it back to him." "Just a minute." "Just a minute." "He offered me $250." "Before I could say yes or no, he said 300, 350." "He was so anxious, I got suspicious." "But you sold it back to him." "Now, just a minute." "Let me tell you, will you?" "When he got as high as $400," "I said that's good enough for me." "So you sold it to him and made a hundred dollars profit." "Why, you sly old dog." "Did you, Fred?" "When he said $400, I said to him," ""Now, look, Al, I know you." "Come clean with me."" "So, he admitted that some television company was after the car and had offered $500." "They left their telephone number with them, so that gave us $200 profit." "We decided to split." "Oh, so he gave you the $400." "Well, not exactly." "I gave him another hundred and he gave me the telephone number."