"Have you tried the back?" "Oh, no, sir." "I haven't." "Oh, shit!" "I'm in a spot of bother with the law." "In a minute, I'll try and tell you how all this happened." "But just for now I need to keep my head down." "There doesn't appear to be anyone here, sir." "Come back this afternoon." "Right, sir." "Do I look like a murderer'?" "Well, yes, I suppose I do in this picture." "Hello." "Northwestern Bank." "Hello." "Um, I'd like to transfer £1.000.257,63 to a bank in Malagrena in..." "Name, sir'?" "Malagrena." "In South America." "No, sir, I was asking..." "I'm sorry." "You want my name." "All this started when I met Karen and Dennis Parsons," "Whose house this used to be." "They are both, I'm afraid, no longer with us." "Isn't that lovely'?" "Dennis chose that." "Yes." "The first time I visited number 9 Ramillies Drive" "I was a penniless teacher at a low-rent language school." "A nobody." "That explains the whole business, really." "Now, while I make myself scarce, will you listen to the tale of how a nice young man like me came to be wanted for murder'?" "Ah, here he is." "Here he is." "Great Scott." "Come 'round, come 'round." "The funny thing was, Karen..." "Dennis's wife... was absolutely not my type." "So..." "How did you meet Karen and Dennis'?" "At a Wine and cheese at the language school where I teach." "Dennis does my boss's books." "I'm Dennis's partner, Thomas Carter." "Ah." "I didn't catch your name." "Come on, now." "Get that down your neck, matey." "Yeah, it was his wine know-how that impressed me, not his dress sense." "Can't think how he does the research on what Clive pays him." "Now, what do you think of that'?" "Cabernet?" "Uh, yes and no." "I know what you mean." "Cabernet franc not sauvignon." "It's from the Loire definitely." "You've got Denny worried now." "Chinon'?" "Oh, Bourgueil, in fact." "Oh!" "But not bad." "Not bad at all." "Very few people can tell them apart." "You see, our mortgage is endowment," "Whereas Thomas's is repayment." "Now, I have taken a fixed-term loan to improve." "But, then, as I said earlier," ""What the hell, I'm an accountant."" "You say to me, "What's two and two?"" "And I say, "What would you like it to be?"" "But the good things of life, as I see it..." "Well, a nice home, for example." "A good education." "Well, these things all cost money." "Money is the bottom line." "What kind of mortgage do you have'?" "Uh, the nonexistent kind." "I've been teaching English abroad for 15 years." "Whereabouts?" "All over." "I ended up in a place called Malagrena in South America." "All I brought back from there was a distaste for working after lunch." "Would you excuse me'?" "You know, some of the South American chardonnays are coming up very nicely." "I don't know Whether you've ever had the chance to taste a really good Chilean pinot noir." "Why'?" "Why do these horrible, ignorant bloody people earn more in a week than I do in a month'?" "Karen." "Karen'?" "Karen'?" "Karen'?" "What happened to the Beaumes de Venise'?" "On." "on." "You've, uh, seen Karen'?" "Yeah." "She went upstairs." "Oh, do I need to point Percy at the porcelain." "Oh, absolutely not." "Dennis, can I have, um, a word in private?" "I think you should know someone's been playing footsie with me under your dining table." "Well, I don't think it would be Thomas Carter." "I think Lyn would have let us know if he had, uh, tendencies." "He's rather keener on Karen." "Fancying people" "What's that all about, though, eh'?" "You know, Karen isn't..." "You know?" "I mean, when you're a married man..." "It might have been different if she'd been able to have kiddies." "And she's very involved with her gymnastics classes, and I'm 100% accountant." "That's just the way it is." "She's probably chucking up in the upstairs bathroom." "Shall we, uh, rejoin the ladies?" "I've, uh, just been chatting to our friend, the eternal student." "I don't think we should give him any more wine, don't you know, or the law might take his precious bicycle away." "If it hadn't been for the "eternal student" crack," "I don't think I'd have bothered to try and seduce Dennis's wife." "As it was, I had no alternative." "Parsons here." "Hi, Dennis." "Um, look, I-l left, my, uh... my Wallet 'round at your place last night." "It's..." "It's a brown leather job with a..." "with a green sticker on it." "Thanks very much for a really enjoyable evening, by the way." "It was a real eye-opener for me." "Have you seen a wallet, Karen'?" "Clive's teacher laddie left his 'round here last night." "Oh, yeah." "I know Where it is." "Tell him to come 'round now." "Yes." "We've got it." "Come 'round now." "Oh, it's you." "Dennis isn't here." "I know he isn't." "I've been Waiting for him to go for an hour in the freezing rain." "It's all right." "Just give me my Wallet and I'll go." "I haven't got your wallet." "I know you haven't." "Then why are you here'?" "What is it with you?" "Pointless Washing the car on a day like this." "I've got an Australian merlot you might like to try." "And there's a shiraz with lots of fruity elegant body about it." "Things were looking up." "An Oxford education." "Tradition and the pursuit of excellence." "The dreaming spires." "I'm sure I'd believed in all that in my time as a student here." "But as things were, I'd ended up a slave in the Clive Phillips School of English for foreigners, a bucket shop of the worst sort run by a diminutive barrow boy who..." "Well, see for yourself." "I hear Dennis and Karen Parsons asked you to dinner." "Small world, isn't it'?" "Well, I'm not sure I like members of my staff consorting with my accountant." "And his lovely wife, Karen." "You're late." "Not a thing to be when your contract's nearly up for renewal." "You owe me £7 exactly." "Why's that, Clive?" "'Cause I pay you £6 an hour, and you are an hour and 'lo minutes late." "How did you get on with Karen'?" "Isn't she a lovely girl'?" "You know your trouble, my friend'?" "You haven't marketed yourself properly." "These days an Oxford education isn't worth the paper it's printed on." "Cash is the bottom line." "See, look at me." "Look at what I've got." "And I'm a total yob, really." "Morning." "Sorry I'm late." "Right." "I have recorded a simple conversation between me and a lady." "How you say..." "with the big jugs, no'?" "No, Massimo." "Am I not early, yes'?" "No." "Sit down, please." "Hello there." "Can I get you anything?" "Yes." "I will give you some money so that you can buy me carrots." "Give me £20." "£20 is too much." "Why is it too much'?" "Please tell me." "Karen." "I had to come." "You have to go." "If Clive sees you here, I'm fired." "Denny does Clive's books." "I have privileges." "We can't talk here." "You can say what you like in front of this lot." "I teach them." "None of them speak a word of English." "Really'?" "Yeah." "Just talk quickly." "We can't have an affair." "I love Denny." "Well, who said anything about love'?" "We can't have an affair." "I can't..." "This is fun." "Can I really say anything I like?" "Apparently, yes." "Denny and I don't have sex anymore." "And I want it." "I think about it all the time." "But I love Denny." "So, what's your problem?" "Sorry." "I really like you and everything." "I just can't." "So, uh, Garcia." "What did you think that conversation was about?" "I think he wants to shag her." "But she says she don't want." "Although she do want." "Women always do want." "But she want dollar to shag him, and he only offer her carrots." "Uh, yeah, yeah." "That's..." "That's nearly there." "Let's..." "Let's carry on, shall we, and see if... if you were right." "But she got Dennis to ask me 'round again." "I knew she would." "Karen and I understood perfectly the complicated rules of our relationship." "In the beginning, anyway." "Quiero hablar con Carlos Ventura." "MAN;" "Si." "Hola." "Carlos." "It's me." "I recognize your voice!" "Yes, I should hope you do recognize my voice." "Listen, I'm on my way back to Malagrena." "Right now." "I'll tell you when I get there." "I've got to go." "Dennis, for some unknown reason, got rather fond of me." "Mm, there." "Now, what do you think of that'?" "That's..." "That's smooth, isn't it?" "Slips down your throat like velvet." "Now, this one is a sort of a cross between a late-harvest riesling and an Amarone." "As in Valpolicella." "Ah." "Now, this one is, uh..." "Big." "It's a big wine." "Mm." "It's enormous." "It explodes in the mouth." "Big, hot... hard, and juicy." "With a tremendous attack on the nose." "Generous, well-proportioned body." "Soft." "But very firm." "Have you been reading these tasting notes?" "And a long, lingering final grip." "Are you snoring, Karen'?" "She snores like a pig." "I'm going to bed." "Good night." "Night." "I don't suppose an eternal student like you could ever afford 30-year-old Armagnac." "You know how much this cost me'?" "Not one penny." "Friend of a friend." "Payment in kind." "Lot of it goes on." "Shame to dump it on the dregs." "I'll get some fresh glasses." "Now, according to this bloke, it has a smooth complexity that defies description." "[ Zips 1 it must be absolutely bloody amazing if he can find no words for it." "Honestly, the old bore goes on and on and on about his blessed wine." "You'd think he had nothing else in his life." "No, no, not the floor cupboard, you twerp." "The one above your head." "Well, come on." "Chop, chop." "We don't want to be sitting here all night, boy!" "Oh, I'm just..." "I was just coming." "Ah!" "Ah!" "You all right'?" "Oh." "Cramp." "You want to learn to relax, boy." "It's good to be with a lad..." "The rules were that this woman would go down on me in her husband's presence but wouldn't touch me, wouldn't see me or speak to me, unless he was there." "...and get you right royally pissed on a cab sauv from Argentina." "Good night, Dennis." "But wherever it might lead, whether we wanted to or not," "I knew that night that we were bound to go all the way." "Dennis even offered me a free holiday m the Dordogne." "I was hoping that my real intimacy with Karen might begin now, as it so often does with English women en vacances." "It's about the only occasion when they have enough time for sex." "Au revoir." "Merci beacoup, monsieur." "Bonne chance." "Ah, bonjour!" "Bonjour!" "Hi!" "I'm so glad you decided to come." "We have a friend who's a neighbor." "Alison Kraemer." "Just your sort of person." "Are you trying to pair me off with someone, Thomas?" "Hi." "How's your tan'?" "Hello, Dennis." "Hi there." "You're looking good." "Thanks." "Come in." "It's lovely." "Is it?" "A couple of clays later we went for lunch at the neighbor's house." "I couldn't help thinking that this was what they should have rented." "I felt immediately at home here." "Just my sort of place." "Alison Kraemer owned it." "And of course it had been in her family for several generations." "Hello!" "How lovely!" "Well done you for finding it." "Come in." "Hello." "This is our friend." "How do you do'?" "Hello." "I'm Alison." "Thank you." "So, what made you read languages?" "To learn how to conceal my thoughts." "Actually, I wanted to experience "Therese Raquin"" "in the original." "The original what?" "The original French." "And now we all have to say why we hate the French." "Without using the word "lorry driver."" "Lyn and I are just off out, Dennis!" "See you!" "I'll scream." "I hope so." "She's a stuck-up bitch, that Kraemer woman." "Karen'?" "Karen'?" "Where are you, Karen'?" "What are we gonna do with him'?" "What are we gonna do without him'?" "Hello, Dennis." "Ah." "Where is everybody'?" "Where's, um, Karen'?" "She's up to something in the bathroom." "Physical jerks of some sort." "Do you mind if I ask you a very personal question?" "Of course you can." "Do you have a pension plan of any kind?" "I have no fewer than three personal pension plans." "And I also have a company scheme." "And I've tied one of them into a really state-of-the-art life-insurance plan." "That's great." "If I died tomorrow," "I would be worth three-quarters of a million pounds." "I mean, I'd be dead, of course." "What I mean to say is, Karen would be worth three-quarters of a million pounds." "That gives me very real satisfaction." "That's..." "That's Wonderful." "After that, killing the man would have been doing him a favor, really, wouldn't it'?" "But the funny thing is, in spite of what happened subsequently," "I did not kill Dennis Parsons." "That is the absolute truth." "I'd like the best available single ticket to San Bartolomeo, please." "It's in the Republic of Malagrena." "South America." "Slightly to the right of Guatemala." "Politically speaking." "You'll have to change at Newark, sir." "That's fine." "I repeat..." "I did not murder Dennis Parsons." "You see, Dennis being alive suited both of us very Well indeed." "Our adultery was different after France." "The rules of engagement altered." "The great charm of Dennis was his predictability." "You could set your watch by him." "And to make things all the more exciting, we did just that." "Bye, darling!" "Bye!" "I've got my period." "So'?" "Karen'?" "Karen'?" "No!" "No what?" "I wanted to know Whether you had rung Roger about that estimate for the building work in the cellar." "Karen, did you ring Roger or Ken about that estimate for the building work in the cellar?" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Well, what did you tell him'?" "I told him..." "I told him..." "Go on!" "Don't stop!" "Oh." "Sorry." "Karen, what did you say to Roger about the cellar?" "Carry on!" "You're doing a great... great job down there!" "Karen, what are you doing in there'?" "Just... finishing my exercises!" "It's late!" "You don't want to be late!" "It's all very Well for you." "I'm the one who's out there running around all day, making all the calls while you lie around here enjoying yourself." "Always the life of Riley, isn't it, woman?" "Oh, that was the best ever." "It's like he's here but... but not here." "Do you know what I mean'?" "I think I do, yeah." "Ahh!" "And then two weeks after our return from France, term started." "I went back almost cheerfully to the Clive Phillips seat of learning." "Well, well, well." "It's our tame intellectual, back from his holiday." "If you're asking me if I enjoyed myself, Clive, the answer's yes." "Well, I hope it didn't cost you too much." "How unusually thoughtful of you to worry about my financial situation." "Although I suppose the appalling bad Wages you pay do make you in a sense responsible." "Well, I'm about to take an even greater share of that responsibility because as of, uh, 9:00 this morning, you're officially off the payroll, sonny Jim." "You are fired." "By no means is your contract being renewed." "I take a very dim view of my teachers leaving me short while they swan around France with my friends." "Well, thank you for this new career opportunity, Clive." "I know Where you live." "Ah!" "Fancy meeting you here!" "What a coincidence!" "Clive Phillips fired me." "From now on you'll meet me on every street corner in Oxford." "Oh, well, join us, matey!" "Come in on our picnic." "Today is my 40th birthday!" "We're goin' up de river!" "He says it's the first day of the rest of his life!" "Oh, we got to have a little fun somehow, boy!" "We got to take our chances while we may!" "Who knows'?" "Two hours from now, I could be dead!" "Ho ho!" "Whoa!" "Oh!" "Ohh." "The view from here is delightful." "It takes quite a bit of expertise, you know, this, uh, poking your stick at the bottom." "We haven't got any champagne left." "Whoop!" "I can't seem to find it." "Dennis, do you think this is an awfully good idea?" "It's fine!" "It'll be fine." "Oh, I've done this before, you know." "Dennis, that's..." "that's actually the river." "It's the Thames." "Oh, what can go Wrong?" "Don't you worry." "You're in..." "You're in safe hands." "Well, the currents can be quite strong around here, Dennis." "Oh, don't you worry about me." "I shall be fine." "Dennis, uh, do let me have a go." "Dennis, I don't think this is a very good idea." "It's a river." "I may not have been to Oxford, old boy, but I do know a thing or two about... om Aah!" "Denny!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Denny!" "Ohh!" "Aah!" "Denny!" "Grab the paddle." "Can he swim'?" "Latch onto this!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Denny!" "Aah!" "Oh, dear." "Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear." "Denny!" "Aah!" "Denny!" "We're going away from him!" "Perhaps that's 'cause you're paddling in the wrong direction!" "Did you say he could swim or not'?" "Has he ever had lessons'?" "Denny!" "Denny!" "Dennis Parsons was no ordinary accountant." "The boating accident that claimed his life deprived us of a man who was a lot more than a number cruncher who knew a lot about wine." "He was a man Whose dedication to his chosen profession led him to an appreciation of the finer things in life." "But gourmet cuisine and interior design were not the whole of Dennis Parsons." "He cared." "I've gathered from all of you that he really did care about other people." "You know Alison's a widow too'?" "Maybe that's why they look so good together." "Yeah, Women do look good in black." "Especially Karen, I think." "Poor Dennis." "I keep asking myself if there was something more I could have done." "Oh, you've done more than enough." "ﬂ How happy could I be with either ﬂ" "F Were Tether dear charmer away ﬂ ﬂ But Whilst they still tease me together ﬂ ﬂ To neither a word will I say ﬂ" "F Ba-dum ba-dee da-da-dum F" "I..." "I can't see you." "I mustn't see you." "I just mustn't." "I did love him." "We killed him." "We killed Denny." "It was an accident, Karen." "You didn't mean to paddle in the wrong direction." "I didn't mean to hit him on the head with the pole." "If I had, I'd have hit him a damned sight harder." "Somehow or other..." "Goo' knows how..." "I managed to salvage a weekend with her in Wales." "But I had to take my bike on the train." "Karen had insisted on separate travel." "And separate rooms." "Are you the plumber?" "No, I'm a guest, actually." "Stable that, would you?" "I always wanted children, you see'?" "Denny didn't." "I mean, he..." "He..." "He couldn't." "You mean, he was..." "Well, he... he wasn't..." "I mean, he wasn't very..." "But he wasn't completely." "It was his sperm." "It often is the sperm." "I've always loved children." "Really?" "Oh, love them to bits." "Their little faces and so on." "Can't we at least be friends'?" "Can't we try and salvage something out of all this mess'?" "No." "Another bottle of Meursault, please." "It was Dennis's favorite." "The next morning, I suggested a walk to a nearby reservoir." "It was there that I made my big pitch." "I timed it very, very carefully." "I really thought I was in danger of kissing goodbye to nearly a million pounds, which was what this barely literate gym teacher was now worth." "Karen, you know what you were saying last night about children?" "Sometimes I wish I'd just had your baby." "I could have pretended it was Denny's." "Darling, that's what I was gonna say!" "Karen, babies are sacred things to me." "I was always secretly hoping you might get pregnant by me." "That's why I hardly ever used protection." "I wanted your baby, Karen." "Do you mean that?" "Of course I mean that." "Couldn't you tell'?" "And it's not too late now." "I know we've been thoughtless and irresponsible and all of those things." "But now we've got the chance to make up for it." "Let's have a baby." "For you and me." "And, you know, for Dennis." "I always thought I was just sex as far as you were concerned." ""Just sex."" "How can you say that'?" "The sex was the best I've ever had, but you were always a lot more than just sex." "What we had was love, Karen." "And children are what makes love real." "They're what survive after We're gone." "You're so right." "It's like Denny said that day on the boat." "I could be dead sooner than I think." "You could." "It's a strong possibility." "I'm a very simple person, really." "I love animals." "I love the outdoors." "I love my mum." "I love babies." "And I love teaching gymnastics." "I love it!" "I'd like one day to devise a course of simple stretches and market it commercially." "And you?" "You never talk about you." "Oh, well, as Denny used to say, I'm an eternal student." "I was brought up to believe in something called culture." "You don't want to hear my boring views, do you?" "You want to know about me, about my family, about my personal details." "You want to check out the father of your child, don't you?" "I told her rather more about myself than I usually do to women." "But I didn't mention my vasectomy." "You have both now made the declarations required by law and made the solemn promises to each other in the presence of your Witnesses." "We all hope that the feelings of love and commitment that you have expressed today will deepen and grow throughout the coming years." "It is therefore my duty and pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife together." "Would you like to seal the marriage with a kiss'?" "Now you can make love to me properly." "I think we ought to wait till we get home." "Love me lots'?" "Lots and lots and lots and lots!" "Oh!" "This is an absolutely hideous sofa." "Oh, darling, it was Denny's favorite." "He chose it." "Then we must never change it." "What's the matter?" "Nothing." "Nothing." "I'll go upstairs and get ready." "We're married now, darling." "We don't have to be, you know, furtive about it." "Oh." "Actually, kind of quite like being furtive." "Silly baby." "Beddy-byes." "Karen wasn't just after impregnation." "She wanted quality impregnation and approached it with the fewer of someone taking Communion." ""Don't pull back..." "Give my child a chance"" "was her slogan." "It quite put me off my stroke." "Oh!" "Are you all right, darling?" "I'm fine, darling." "Are you all right, darling?" "I'm fine, darling." "It's just you I'm Worried about." "I'm fine." "Are you all right, though?" "Maybe it's because you're unemployed." "It can affect your..." "Virility." "Our social life wasn't exactly scintillating either." "Our first outing as a couple was to a drinks party at the American Thomas Carter's place." "Hello, my darling girl." "How's married life'?" "You got a job yet, genius?" "Or are you just living off your wife?" "As geniuses tend to do, so I'm told." "I'm looking into a few projects." "A couple in your area, in fact." "And if you're interested, Clive, we both have separate bank accounts, don't we, darling'?" "Yeah'?" "Wonder how much is in yours, then'?" "How did Dennis stand him'?" "Denny had real respect for anyone with money." "He would have been at home here, then." "It's all Well here'?" "Just recouping some of your exorbitant fees, old man." "Okay." "Come on." "I have to be nice to these people." "They pay the rent." "Yeah, sure." "How come you're so in with Thomas Carter and the management set'?" "Thomas and I make music together." "Pbht!" "Sorry'?" "Byrd." "You know Byrd'?" "Thomas plays the recorder." "Blimey." "I don't expect he's heard of Byrd." "I imagine the old Brahms and Liszt are more his style." "And who's your favorite composer?" "Fauré." "Really'?" "I'm particularly fond of the slow movement of his second piano sonata." "Me too." "Fauré didn't write any piano sonatas." "Oh, so sorry." "Am I intruding'?" "Not at all." "I was just going." "OW home to your Age, are you?" "ls Camilla Parker Bowles dropping 'round'?" "Come on, Rebecca." "Why is it people like you seem to avoid us now we're married, hmm'?" "Aren't we good enough for you?" "ls that it'?" "Denny's business head was good enough for her old man when Denny was alive, wasn't it'?" "I mean, what the fuck do you think I am playing at'?" "Is this my toy boy or what?" "What the sodding hell do people like you think about people like me, anyway, eh'?" "Come on, darling." "Let's go home." "Have you come yet'?" "Almost there, darling." "Are you all right'?" "Oh, don't worry about me." "Oh, yes." "Yes!" "Oh!" "Not much has been written about the simulated male orgasm." "But I faked about three a clay." "How was that for you?" "It was Wonderful." "Oh, good." "What do you think about when we make love'?" "I think about the way you move." "I think about the things you say." "I think about you, darling." "I sometimes worry you might be, you know, thinking about you know..." "About what?" "About Alison Kraemer." "Darling, that's a horrible thing to say." "It was also..." "unusually for Karen... bang on the money." "So, what are your plans for today?" "I'm trying to find a place for the new language school and sorting out the bank loan." "In fact, I was just wondering if you could transfer a couple of thou into my account while I'm Waiting for the business loan." "You'll get it back, honey." "Of course." "Sorry." "See you later." "Bye." "Mind how you go on the parallel bars." ""What are your plans for today, darling?"" ""Living off your immoral earnings, dear."" "God in heaven." "Oh, it's you." "I'm afraid so." "The man who tried to bluff on Fauré's piano sonatas." "I am sorry." "I must have seemed terribly rude." "Not at all." "Disapproval can be terribly bracing." "Shall we inspect the damage'?" "Let's forget about it." "But you have to promise to meet for tea one afternoon." "Darling, will you speak to Galen." "He's terribly upset about Squishy and Trouncy because they can't come skiing." "Okay'?" "I'm not gonna murder her." "Honestly." "I just can't bear you to think ill of me, that's all." "I want to explain what really happened between Karen and I." "And I know you disapprove." "You all disapprove." "But your disapproval matters, and I have to explain." "Tea at Greens?" "Next Thursday?" "You won't come to any harm." "Karen'?" "All okay, darling?" "Fine." "I saw Thomas Carter today." "Really?" "You see a lot of him." "Well, he was Denny's partner." "He helps administer the estate." "Does he'?" "Is that all he does'?" "I don't know what you're on about." "Said he saw you with, uh, Alison Kraemer." "Yes." "S-She ran into me." "Darling, why should you imagine" "I'm interested in Alison Kraemer'?" "She's the sort of Englishwoman that has a sign that lights up on her forehead if you're foolish enough to touch them." "It says, "Now please wash your hands."" "And what does my sign say'?" ""Use twice daily and discard"?" "!" "I can't go on with this!" "You're so cold!" "She's not the sort of Woman to have an affair with a married man." "She's got a nephew called Galen, for Christ's sake." "Although she might be prepared to look seriously at a very rich widower." "What do you think?" "Thank you." "I know what everyone thinks about me." "Even your daughter thinks it." "Oh, take no notice." "I know you don't like Karen." "Is she having an affair with your musical friend'?" "With whom?" "With Thomas Carter'?" "Mm." "She's a very ruthless and calculating woman." "A few days after, um, Dennis died, she asked me over there to help move some of his stuff." "How could I refuse'?" "I felt responsible for the damned accident." "When I got over there, she answered the door to me stark naked." "Well, the funny thing is, that sort of Woman is not at all my type." "I don't know." "I felt sorry for her." "I felt guilty." "I can quite see how you could allow yourself to be seduced by her." "But why marry the woman?" "She told me she was pregnant from that one encounter." "Oh, my God." "But the thing is, it was a complete lie." "I only discovered after she'd dragged me off to the registry office that she'd had a hysterectomy." "I was trapped." "Can't tell you what it feels like to have someone to talk to." "To confide in." "I've been so alone." "Guess what." "What?" "I'm pregnant!" "Aah!" "That's terrific." "Who's the lucky father?" "Sorry'?" "Joke, darling." "In fact, the discovery that Karen was pregnant removed all interest I might have otherwise had in her death." "All I needed was the name of the father, and I was looking at a very decent divorce settlement." "Dennis's partner..." "the American, Thomas Carter... was the man I suspected." "To what do we owe this honor'?" "I wanted to ask you about that American, Thomas Carter." "Well, I'm a little busy." "Having to get rid of Senor Garcia here." "What did he do, ask for his money back?" "Well, apparently, back in South America he was a bit of a swine." "He used to be a secret policeman." "What did he do?" "Tortured innocent people." "I'm surprised you didn't offer him a job on your staff, Clive." "Well, the local paper got hold of it." "Bad for business." "Can't help you, I'm afraid." "Don't gossip about my friends." "It is absolutely true that the next day I contacted Garcia." "And I do not dispute that he is one of the most disgusting individuals with whom I have ever had to do business." "But I did not... repeat, not..." "hire him to kill Karen." "Hypocrites." "All you British are hypocrites." "I'm sure." "You talk about freedom this and freedom that." "But you have no idea what it is to live in a country where there are people who want to take it from you." "These people being?" "Communist people." "Are there many of them in your country?" "Not now." "Or if they is, they Walk a little funny." "Yes." "After you..." "Torture them." "What your army do in North Ireland?" "Stand up Provo with bag on head." "What your army do in bloody Serbia?" "Bomb Christians." "Psht!" "Hypocrites." "Yes, let's not discuss politics." "I want to see you on a personal matter." "Woman?" "You is a dirty bastard." ""Are" a dirty bastard." "Look, you're broke." "They've stopped your grant." "Politics." "For my politics." "I imagine you just want to get back to sunny Malagrena," "Where the men are men and the Communists are..." "Emasculated." "You have a surprisingly large vocabulary, Garcia." "I think I can take some credit for that." "All I want you to do is help me find someone who has insulted my honor." "And kill him'?" "No." "This man is making love to my wife, and I want to find out who he is." "How much'?" "300." "Four." "350." "For 375, I find him real quick." "How'?" "Tap phones." "In Malagrena we do it all the time." "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten." "Is that all right'?" "Okay." "So..." "You think it's a friend who cheats on you with your wife, eh'?" "Mm." "I have a good idea." "He's an American." "American?" "Pfft!" ""Don't be nasty to people, or we drop bombs on you." "If you're from South America, maybe we drop bombs on you anyway." "For practice." Pfft!" "I'm sure." "Garcia, can you get a move on, please?" "My wife's gonna be back any second." "Maybe we frighten her a little." "Maybe." "What do you use to frighten people, Garcia?" "Electricity is good." "Dentistry." "There are plenty ways." "Plenty of ways." "She's here." "Uh-Oh." "She's coming back." "Pretend you're an electrician." "A fuse blew." "Okay?" "And don't say any more than is absolutely necessary." "Hello, darling." "Oh." "Hi." "I thought you were looking over that school." "I was." "It's great." "I got the loan." "It's all going ahead." "Well, that's marvelous." "It is." "And We're gonna start a family." "We are." "I'm so excited." "Ah." "There was a fuse blew." "This gentleman's been marvelous." "Electricity is no problem for me, lady." "Good." "My only problem... women." "Everything okay here'?" "Yes, it's... it's fine." "Here we go, then." "Half now and the other half when we know it's all worked out okay." "Sure thing." "Thank you." "You have a very beautiful wife, senor." "Thank you again." "Nice teeth." "Ugh!" "What a creepy guy." "He seems to know his business." "You jumped like a rabbit when you saw him." "What did you think he was'?" "A hit man'?" "Karen never did like anything exotic." "What she did like, as I was to discover, was about as depressing as the view from this window." "Karen'?" "I'm home." "Are you there, sweetheart?" "Darling?" "Darling?" "Hi, I wanted to book a double room for next Saturday night." "I've stayed at the hotel before." "It's Karen Parsons." "Ah, yes, I remember you, Mrs. Parsons, yes." "You had a friend with you in the room along the corridor." "Chap on a bicycle." "He won't be coming." "It'll just be myself and my husband." "I wonder who that'll be." "Clive Phillips Language School." "I've booked it for Saturday." "I'll tell him I'm going to my mother's." "Yeah, I think there's a train to Banbury around 9:00." "I'll meet you up there with the Merc." "I really want you." "You know that don't you?" "I really need you." "Hello, darling." "I'm home." "Where are you?" "Just coming, sweetheart." "So, what are our plans for Saturday?" "Oh, I have to go to my mum's." "Her arthritis is playing her up again." "Darling, that's so sweet of you." "Well..." "I'll give you a lift to the station." "Oh, no." "You don't have to." "I insist." "This is one of Dennis's rather good stock of Amarone di Valpolicella." "Can I tempt you?" "Yeah, lovely." "Thank you." "I may have to pop out later, see a student." "Chap from South America." "Might be able to help with the new language school." "I need your help, Garcia." "That's the fact of the matter." "You got the bastard?" "Mm." "The same bastard who let you go from the language school." "Mr. Phillips?" "Uh-huh." "I don't like that guy." "There's a strong possibility he's a Communist as Well." "I wouldn't put it past him." "You want me to kill him'?" "I'll kill him for you." "I just want you to scare the bastard." "Electricity'?" "Whatever." "To here'?" "Well, they have been working rather hard lately." "A bit of convulsive therapy might do them some good." "Convulsive therapy... 400." "375 to find him." "Total... 775." "I'll put her on the 9:15 from Oxford this Saturday." "She'll think she's getting off at Banbury." "What she will not know is that she's on a train that doesn't stop at Banbury." "In fact, to use a phrase you will remember from our work on idioms," "I'm sending her to Coventry." "We don't speak to her, right'?" "In this case it is to be interpreted literally." "Clive then gets to meet me at Banbury instead of my wife." "Then you pop up, we take him somewhere, and, um, bzzt!" "Have you got all the equipment?" "I get it Homebase." "No problem." "I'm gonna have a shower." "Nice idea." "Keep yourself fresh for Mum." "I don't know why you're so keen on running me to the station in the morning." "Darling, it's no trouble." "Alison." "Hi, it's me." "How are you?" "Oh, I'm fine." "I'm fine." "Look, I wondered if we could possibly meet for lunch tomorrow." "Say 1:15 at Greens?" "That'd be lovely." "You could?" "Yes." "Oh, that's so marvelous." "I've got something rather important to tell you." "Have you?" "'Okay'?" "So, bye." "Who was that?" "Oh, n-no one." "Just someone from work." "What work?" "960005." "Oh, I wonder who that can be." "Why don't you dial it and see'?" "It's Alison Kraemer's number." "Hello?" "Do you have much to say to her'?" "Hello?" "Obviously not." "You don't have a lot in common, do you?" "Shall we go out to dinner, darling?" "Why do you deny it'?" "Deny what?" "You're having an affair with her." "I'm doing no such thing." "Your sort of person, isn't she'?" "Top drawer, isn't she'?" "Listen, my father was a clerk in a bank." "I went to the local comp." "I'm one step away from the gutter, and don't you forget it." "You might drive around in that car all day, but it was Denny's." "And now it's mine." "And you don't get your hands on it unless I die." "Maybe that's what you want." "Maybe you want to see me dead." "You won't kill me." "Because people would ask questions, wouldn't they?" "After what happened to poor Denny, wouldn't they?" "And if we separate, I'll make sure you get nothing." "You brought nothing to this marriage but the clothes you stood up in, and that's what you'll Walk away with." "Why are you so keen to hang on to me'?" "Is it something to do with having a father for your child?" "What's that supposed to mean'?" "Let's go home." "What is that supposed to mean'?" "!" "Never mind about wanting to kill Karen..." "It was important I didn't even lay a finger on her." "I had to remain calm." "AH I wanted was to walk away from our marriage with a share of the proceeds." "A piece of the family home." "Like any other self-respecting sex object." "She'll never accept you anyway." "Who Won't'?" "Your friend Alison Kraemer." "God, I do wish you'd stop this." "You just can't bear being caught out, can you?" "You always have to look good, don't you?" "You always have to be the coolest person in the room, don't you?" "Well, there isn't a lot of competition for the role in the circles in which we move." "There's not a whole lot of competition for the role in the circles in which we move." "I don't know why you're being so bloody self-righteous after what you've been getting up to with that horrid little creep." "What do you mean by that?" "You know exactly what I mean." "I do not." "Clive Phillips." "What?" "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." "Clive Phillips." "My ex-boss." "One of the horrible little mercenary thugs who seem to have taken over this country while I was abroad." "How did you know'?" "He told me." "He always enjoyed making my life a misery." "He usually succeeds." "It was only once or twice." "Well, you've been so cold and distant." "I felt you didn't love me." "I just..." "You just what?" "It was just sex!" "Oh!" "Oh, and you're the World's great expert on that, aren't you?" "Oh, please don't be cruel." "I only..." "I had a thing with him before when Denny..." "If this is all as casual as you're trying to make it sound, why on earth were you going to Wales with him'?" "Well, I was gonna tell him it was over." "I wanted to be careful about it." "Clive can't accept the fact that I don't love him." "Well, I didn't know what he was gonna do when I told him I was carrying your child." "You're not." "You horrible bastard!" "Karen, the only bastard 'round here is the one in your womb." "You Pig!" "Aren't you gonna hit back?" "!" "No." "Why?" "!" "I don't want to rub up the divorce court judge the wrong way." "I imagine he'll be on my side after the paternity test." "What?" "Do you know what a vasectomy is, Karen'?" "A snip job." "I've had one." "That baby is Clive's." "Is he good with children?" "[ Crying 1" "I'll run you to your train in the morning." "Some of these hotels can hold you to your booking if you've done it with a credit card." "We don't want to waste money, do we'?" "Not with a kiddie on the way." "Karen'?" "Oh, God." "What was it'?" "Too much Beaujolais-Villages," "Or did that sofa finally get the better of you?" "Mm'?" "Come on, Karen." "Stop messing around." "We have to be adult about this." "Karen." "Will you wake up'?" "Oh, Christ." "Oh, you can't be dead." "Oh, don't be dead." "Oh." "Oh, this is very inconvenient." "Oh, shit!" "Hi." "Clive Phillips here." "I'm out making lots of money and having lots of sex." "If any of you less-fortunate people want to leave a message, do so after the tone... if you think it'll do you any good." "Clive, why did you tell him about us'?" "You don't know what he's like, Clive." "W-When he's angry, he goes all cold." "I'm frightened of him, Clive." "I'm all alone here in the house with him, and I'm frightened of what he might do." "Aah!" "Aah!" "And that, m'lud, concludes the case for the prosecution." "Can I help you?" "Chief Inspector Moss from Oxford Police Station, sir." "You ever come to my country my friend, and I find you," "I kill you." "Is everything all right'?" "It's..." "It's fine." "It's fine." "Wow." "You look fantastic." "Thanks." "It was something about the police making mistakes again." "So after you saw your wife off on the train, how did you spend the rest of the day'?" "You're obviously frightfully good at lying." "You can tell by the way your eyes always slide about." "You're priceless, Rebecca." "Priceless."