"So that's why I grew out the beard and why I can never shave it." "Wow." "Milo, I had no idea." "I thought it was just a look." "And now you know it's much, much more." "[ Laughs ]" "Hey, what are we doing next weekend?" "Well, we know I'm not shaving, so pretty wide open." "I'm supposed to go visit my folks on Cape Cod." "You want to come with?" "Ooh, a little vay-cay." "I know, I know. "Vay-cay." No idea where it came from." " That's not the problem." " It's a problem." "Yes, there are many things wrong with what Milo said, but the problem is, Gibbs..." ""What are we doing next weekend?"" "You're already a "we."" " How else are we supposed..." " There it is again!" "You met this girl three weeks ago, and you're already losing yourself." "You're not Milo, and she's not Molly, you're..." "Miley." "Do you guys not like her or something?" "No, she's great." "It's just that you're averaging 4.7 nights a week." "At this rate, you'll be married by..." "Tuesday." "That's what I got, too." "You might want to consider a downshift." " Downshift?" " "Downshift." Like..." " Shifting down." " Yes, I know what a "downshift" is." "It just doesn't make sense to do it." "I like Molly, I'm not losing myself, and I don't think we're moving too fast." "That's because you're moving so fast it feels slow." "That's a thing." "Who likes puppies?" "Me!" "This little boy is from the shelter where I volunteer." "The family that's adopting him is out of town, and I need someone to watch him." "We'd do it, but my allergies are pretty brutal." " Tyler?" " Oh, God, I want to say yes, but our place doesn't allow dogs." " Milo?" " I live with her." " Gibbs?" " No can do." " Why not?" " No want to do." "Look, I like my life the way it is." "[ High-pitched voice ] Can I pwease wiv wiff you?" "It's just for one night." "I pwomise not to be any twouble." "Fine." "I'll do it." "One night." "Just please start using R's again." "[ Normal voice ] You're the best." "Here's his food, ear drops, and flea medicine." " Let me know if he still has diarrhea." " Di..." "You got twicked." "Milo, you're gonna have to rewrite your opening paragraph for your style piece." "Why?" "What's wrong with it?" "The first letter of each sentence spelled "dildo."" "Considering it's a piece about nutritional supplements called..." ""What to put in your body now."" "Wow." "I'll change it." "Now, Full Steam usually does a "best burger in the city" piece this time of year, right?" "Tyler picks the winner, and then I shoot it." "Question... can we not do the "best burger" thing again this year?" "It just seems lame." " Permission to respond?" " Granted?" "Is that something we do here?" "Consider the burger." "Starch, protein, vegetable, all living as one..." "A beacon of hope in these uncertain times." "Permission to call bullshit?" "Consider the burger." "Like snowflakes, no two are the same." "A celebration of individuality that's as American as, well..." "a burger." "And I, for one, wouldn't call America lame." " All right." " Seriously?" "Mm-hmm, and take Neal with you." "His serial killer-like obsession with hamburgers might give you an angle." "I got a new opening." "Oh, wait." "Nope, spelled "dildo" again." "Dude, you have looked better." "I got, like, no sleep." "That scared little mutt kept me up all night." "Sounds like Milo after we saw "Paranormal Activity."" "You're the one who kept screaming," ""she's above my bed!"" "She was." "Something was." "Hey, hey, hey!" "I thought we said no coffee before our tastings." "No, you said no coffee." "I specifically didn't answer." "Well, you might as well douse your taste buds in gasoline and set them on fire." " Honey, you left your tasting gloves in the cab." " Oh." "What?" "If you go bare-handed, you're bringing burger residue from one sample to the next." "The results would be a joke." "The results are a joke!" "Any "best of" piece is just glorified ad space." "It's not even fluff." "It's sub-fluff." " I see what you mean." " It's crazy, right?" "What?" "He's got a box of gloves." "I'm not the crazy one." "Stop looking at each other!" "Hey." "How's our little pup doing?" "Oh!" "Well, let's see." "He threw up this morning, but then he ate it." "So I'd say it's about time he meets that new family." "Oh, yeah, about that..." "The family that's adopting him might be delayed just a couple more days." "[ Cellphone chimes ] Oh, sweet." "Molly got us a dinner reservation for tomorrow night." "Shocker." "Miley's hanging out again." "[ Laughs ] Who's Miley?" "These guys think I'm moving too fast with Molly and I need to downshift." "Why are you listening to these guys about relationships, Milo?" "There's no such thing as too fast." "See?" "[ Cellphone chimes ]" " What's that?" " That's a calendar alert." "Wait a minute." "She can update your calendar?" "No." "She can update our shared calendar." "Whoa!" "You guys share a calendar?" "You just said there's no such thing as too fast." "You have been dating this girl three weeks and you share a calendar?" "That is too fast." "And it's called "'M' and 'M' fun times."" "Well, it makes you give it a name." "It's just a simple way for us to keep our schedules together, you know?" "[ Cellphone chimes ]" "Oh, see, Molly just rescheduled our lunch because it overlaps with her..." "Gynecologist appointment." "I-I might need to downshift." "Okay, so, how do I downshift without her thinking it's a breakup?" "Because I do not want to break up with her." "A downshift and a breakup are two very different things." "The downshift is all about protecting the relationship." "You slow it down to give it a better chance of lasting longer." "Did you guys rehearse that?" " No." " Of course not." "For about an hour." "Okay, so, what do I do?" " Well, you and Molly having dinner tonight?" " Yes, we are." "Nope." "You're downshifting to afternoon coffee." "Okay, I'll give her a call." "Ohh, no, no, no." "A call's too personal." "Text... something friendly." " But not intimate." " Start it with, "hey."" ""Work thing came up."" "Yeah, I get it." "Okay, I'll blame it on work." "But it needs to be a little...bouncier." "How about "I'm getting slammed at work"?" " No." " Not quite." ""Crushed"?" " Bingo!" " There it is." "Okay." ""Hey, getting crushed at work." " Can we cancel"..." " "Rain check."" "Remember..." "Downshift, not breakup." ""Can we rain-check dinner and do coffee this afternoon instead?"" "Should I sign it "xo"?" "We'd prefer a smiley face." "Are those grease stains or bloodstains?" "I heard good things about this place." "Supposedly Dimitri does all his own butchering." "So, bloodstains." "[ Russian accent ] Two burger works." "Excuse me, is your beef exclusively grass fed, or is it finished with corn?" "What, are you crazy with this question?" "I know." "I'm sorry." "My cows get six months Bermuda grass, two months Kentucky blue, and they finish with a sweet clovers." "Very good." "Let's dig in." "Wow." "This is actually really good." "You don't like it?" "It's a revelation." "But we're burger tasting, not burger eating." "Spit." "It's a revelation." "Big man, little dog." "Always funny." "He started barking when I left." "I couldn't just leave him there, so now he's here, with me... all day." "Isn't that great?" "Hey, I got to run to the studio." "Can you watch him for a second?" "No, I cannot because Molly's on her way." "Remember, the downshift is friendly but not intimate." " What does that mean?" " You got it." "Hi, there." "Hey, you." "Mwah." "So, it seems like things have quieted down a bit." "What do you mean?" "The work that was crushing you." "Oh!" "Yeah." "It's..." "The crushing..." "It's like deceptively intense in here, you know?" "It's..." "Mm-hmm." "Oh, Alex, I'm almost finished with that article." "No idea what you're talking about." "[ Laughs ]" "She knows what I'm talking about." "If you have a lot of work to do, we can go out another time." "No." "Oh, unless you..." "you think we should?" "Is that what you want?" "Yeah." "No." "I mean, no." "I-I want to see you." "But maybe that makes more sense, you know, because of my schedule right now being crushed, and so therefore we can sort of keep it more open, you know, for a bit." "Got it." "So, I guess I'll see you soon." "Definitely." "I'll text you." "No, I'll call you." "Well, I'll give you a shouty-shout." " You'll hear from me." " Great." "Great." " Well, bye." " Bye." "So, I did it." "I just downshifted Molly." "How'd it go?" "Good, I think." "I'm sure you did fine." "What are the things dogs aren't supposed to eat?" "Um, chocolate and grapes." "What about pencils?" "Do you really need me to answer that?" "I need a break from this dog." "Let's go out tonight." "Get a little Milo time." "Done." "[ Sighs ]" "You hear that, puppy?" "I need this." "I need a break from you." "Uh, ugh." "Don't look at me like that." "You're cramping my style." "I'm my own man." "I shouldn't have to spend all my time keeping an eye on you." "[ Sighs ] All right." "Which shirt?" "This one?" "Or this one?" "[ Barks ] Are you serious?" "Look at them again." "This one?" "Or this one?" "[ Barks ] You're right." "It does bring out my eyes." "[ Barking ]" "[ Sniffs ] You're right." "It is slightly spoiled." "[ Growls ]" "You just saved my life." "You know what?" "You need a name." "Let's see." "How about..." "Gibbs?" "[ Laughs ]" "Would you describe the second-to-last place's fried onions as "soggy" or "limp?"" "I would describe my interest in continuing this as "soggy" or "limp."" "This is stupid." "Nobody cares this much about burgers." " Here you go." " Hello, there." "So, are you the artist behind these meat masterpieces?" "I'm the owner, so, I guess so." "Mm." "You sound like you're pretty into burgers." "Consider the burger..." "It's like a... snowflake." "A snowflake of meat." "You can call it a meatflake." "But you better call it American." "And I, for one, love American meatflakes." " You realize he's totally full of..." " Passion." "I like it." "You have no idea." "Uch, these buns are way too firm." "I can work with 'em." "Okay, sit." "Sit." "Look at that!" "He can sit!" "Well, the last two hours of practice probably helped." "Hey, are we going out or what?" "I thought this was the whole reason for me downshifting." "You are so smart, you know that?" "Do you think you can sit up?" "Do you?" "'Cause I think you can." "Oh, my God." "It's like I'm a third wheel on a weird puppy date." "Hello?" "Gibbs!" "He knows his name!" "[ Sighs ]" "I feel like I need to have my entire body snaked." "It's your own fault." "You stopped spitting." "Because I'd rather feel horrible than look stupid." "Which is also my family motto." "Well, if you want to go lay down for a bit," "I can start crunching the data." "Uh, thanks, but I need to start writing the article." "But you don't know who won." "[ Chuckles ]" " Sure, I do." "Dimitri?" "The creepy old guy in the bloody apron?" "Uh, no." "It was buns mcburger babe in a landslide." " What?" " I kind of already promised her." "Plus, I'm going out with her Thursday night." "I-I gave you pages of expert tasting notes, and you just give it to the hot girl?" "You totally wasted my day." "No, Neal, you wasted mine." "Nobody cares about "best of" articles." "I'm sorry." "I thought we had some integrity around here." "Well, now you see how the burger gets made." "I guess I won't be needing this." "There's actually a lot of usable paper left in here." "Why can't we watch "Breaking Bad"?" "Little Gibbs is only on season two." "I really don't think he'll mind." "I'm just trying to give him the same respect he gives me." "He loves me without judging me." "He's the perfect companion." "I hope some day, Milo, you can have this." "I did have that." " When did you have a dog?" " No, with Molly!" "God, why did I mess with that?" "Wasn't there something about Cape Cod?" "And then that calendar thing." "Which, thinking about it now, is actually pretty practical." "Little Gibbs, maybe we should share a calendar." "Tomorrow at 2:30, be cute." "This is so stupid." "I'm just gonna call her." "[ Sighs ]" "Hey, Molly." "It's Milo." "Uh, Milo!" "No, no, everything's fine." "I..." "Huh?" "Yeah, yeah, I can hear." "It's loud." "Okay, uh, just..." "Just give me..." "Yeah, call... call me whenever." "Uh..." "So, she's out at a club." "Sounded crowded." "A lot of people go to clubs." "We almost went to a club." "But we didn't." "Unh-unh!" "[ Sighs ]" "I'm such an asshole." "Language!" "I think I downshifted too much." "You want to give Gibbs a hug?" "You mean the dog?" "Okay." "I have to admit, I was a little surprised to hear from you." "Really?" "Didn't we say we'd talk soon?" "I know, but calling me at 7:30 this morning..." "That was really soon." "[ Laughs ]" "Look at us just whacking the old conversation ball back and forth." "So, what'd you do last night?" "Nothing." "Just went out with some friends." "That sounds fun." "Look, um, I'm sorry that work has just been so..." " Crushing?" " Crushing." "[ Sighs ]" "I may have given you the impression that I don't want to spend a lot of time with you, so to make up for that, we are gonna spend two weeks together with your parents in India." "These aren't actual tickets." "They just say, "I.O.U. India."" "Yeah, I'm still negotiating." "Uh, apparently it's monsoon season, so there are deals to be had." " Okay, Milo, that's very thought..." " I love you." "There's something different about you." "I can't quite put my finger on it." "Gibbs sleeps better when he can hear my heart beat." "Also, I mean, come on." "You cut that hole for the tail?" " I did." " Nice touch." " Hey." " Hey." "You write that article?" "I did." "Just the way I wanted to." "Ooh, there they are." "Band of burgers." "Got a story for me?" "Right here." "And the best hamburger in the city is some blood-soaked old guy?" "Dimitri won?" "Burgers are like snowflakes." "And after reading Neal's extensive tasting notes," "I realized that Dimitri's was the best." "I couldn't have done it without Tyler." "Cool." "This was fun." "Thanks for having me at your slumber party." "What are you gonna do about Joy?" "You promised her a victory." "She got one." "She's gonna be the winner in our online edition." " We don't have an online edition." " Shh." "And so, when I said "I love you,"" "I meant that I love the idea of being with you, if you don't break up with me for saying "I love you"" "when we are clearly not there yet but could be one day." "You done?" "I should be, but I'm afraid if I stop speaking, you're gonna break up with me, which I really don't want you to do." "Then why did you downshift me?" "Who told you about the downshift?" "You didn't invent the downshift." "No, but I did invent cheeseless nachos." "You mean tostitos?" "Damn it." "Look, Milo, I like what we have, and I don't want to play any games." "Yeah, me neither." "So, how about the next time either one of us has a problem, we talk about it?" "Yes." "That sounds good." "So..." "Cape Cod with the parents?" " Seems quick." " It really does." "And if they can't get him to sleep, just walk him around in the "baby b'Gibbs,"" "and he's lights out." "I'll be sure to tell them." "Looks like someone really bonded with the dog." "This could be a big step for you, relationship-wise." "Uh, I liked a puppy for two days." "Is that so surprising?" "Seriously, am I that much of a monster to you?" "Yeah, you're right." "Sorry, Gibbs." "Thanks for watching him." "[ Sighs ] You okay?" "Of course I'm okay." "I'm better than okay." "I get to get back to my own life, without some little rodent around to mess it up." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Dog toy squeaks ] Gibbs!" "You gotta downshift that dog."