"Ah, this is gonna be awesome, working side by side with my homie." "Yeah, and I finally got a chance to wear the tie my dad got me," " just in case I ever got a real job." " How is good ol' Donald?" "Does he still do this every time he mentions me?" "Yeah, yeah, but don't worry about it." "He still does it every time he tells people I'm a writer." "Mmm." "Ok, when these elevator doors open, you get out there and you knock 'em dead." "'Cause there's only one Beckett Ryan, so you tell the world that he has arrived!" "Becket Ryan has arrived!" "And he's referring to himself in the third person." "Beckett Ryan needs to stop that immediately." "Ok, so you're kind of bombing, a little bit." " Just breathe and let me handle the introductions, ok?" " All right." "This is Bryce McBradden." "This is Dave's secretary." "I'm an executive assistant and you know it, Nelson." " Hardest job in the office." " Thank you." "And he makes you wear that ridiculous fanny pack." "No, he does not." "Moving right along." "This is Gordon." "I meet someone new, I get to try my new handshake." "Why go up and down when you can go side to side?" "No, don't fight it." "Why are you..." "No, I don't want a circle handshake!" "This is a terrible first impression!" "Come on." "Let's go." "It's fine." "This is Stephanie." "She's a very important member of our team." "Hi." "Beckett Ryan." "I'm the new copywriter." "Oh, perfect." "What do you think of this?" "Oh, it's a trucker in a vest." "Did your kid draw that?" "I'm sorry, was it somebody else's kid?" " No." " A monkey?" "I drew it." "I'm sorry." "You must be thinking, "Who is this jerk?"" "Did he only get hired 'cause Daddy's the boss?"" "Screw you." "'Cause her daddy is the boss." "Man, but she is hot!" " Who's hot?" " The boss's daughter." "Dave Lyons, the boss." "You have a lovely office." "Oh?" "Would you like to tap that as well?" "Dad, we need to talk." "Oh, sweetie, can this wait?" "I was just about to head out to an auction." "Oh, what is it this time, sir?" "Art, antiques, shrunken heads?" "Bryce, do you remember when I told you what the code word was for when I'm lying to avoid talking to someone?" "Yes." "Every time you say "auction", I'm sup..." "Oh, blast." "Dad, the new guy has got no PR experience on his résumé." "I've been working here for 6 months, and I want" " some real work, or else." " Understood." "We accept your resignation." "Now move along." " Sir is a very busy man." " I'm not resigning." " Oh, you're not?" " Of course you're not." "Why would you re..." "Bryce!" "Why do you have a box ready?" "Because you told me... to always leave your office whenever you look at me like that." "But I should still put this on her desk just in case, right?" "Dad, tell me the truth." "Did you only hire me because I'm your daughter?" "Oh, of course not." "Did you hire me because you feel guilty for being such a crappy dad?" "Warmer." "You think I'm gonna screw up." "Red hot!" "Come on, Dad." "Oh, all right, sweetheart, tell you what." "Today we're gonna have a meeting with Tildman Trucking." "They're gonna come in here, they want to rebrand their company to be hipper." "I'm hip, homie." "BitTorrent." "Let's get crunk and YOLO." "Wow, it's like a walk in Brooklyn." "Tell you what's gonna happen." "Nelson and I will pitch an idea to them, right?" "And if they don't like that idea, we'll pitch a second idea." "And if they don't like our sixth idea, well, that's your time to shine." " Score, Stephanie!" " Yeah." "I'm already coming up with some seventh-place ideas in my head already." "Do they have to be trucks?" "Well, I could run that past the head of the... trucking company." "But for now, let's just focus on trucks." "You know, and I feel confident that you're gonna get there." "You know, I bet this is gonna be like in the 4th grade." "You know, remember when you sold all of those Girl Guide cookies?" "Oh, no." "Thanks, Dad, but that was Todd, your oldest son from your second marriage." "Oh, right, yeah!" "Still likes to wear the uniform, but he's a good kid." "And hey, you know what?" "Talking turned out to be ok." "Tom, we're talking about a massive paradigm shift with Tildman Trucking to make you guys the hippest, most dynamic trucking company in the marketplace..." "Whoa, Slick, slow down with the fancy paradigms and your tall hair." "That don't impress me." "Why don't you let us do what we do best?" "And if you'd like seventh best..." "Nelson and I have been working on this all night, and what we want to do is..." "Hey, guys." "What a morning, huh?" "Mmm!" "It's egg salad." "Roommate made it." "Hey!" "What are you doing?" "Oh, this isn't the lunchroom?" "Do you see anybody eating lunch?" "I like a man who barges into a meeting with his big old egg salad sandwich." "And I like a man who puts "big ol'" in front of "sandwich"." "So, uh, Egg Salad, what do you got?" "Well, actually, Beckett's not up to speed on Tildman Trucking." " You have a trucking company?" " Yeah." "Cool." "Hey, you know what I've always thought?" "I bet you could tell us after the meeting, Beckett." "Not now, in front of the client." "Slow down, Slick." "Let the pretty bird sing." " In a world where truck..." " Not you, Binder." "I'm talking about Egg Salad." "Oh." "Ok." "Well, you know the sound the trucks make when they back up?" "Well, I was thinking, instead of the annoying "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!"" "what if it was something cool like..." "Wacka-wacka-wacka-wacka!" "Well, I apologize for that, obviously." " Let's get back to the actual presentation..." " No need." "I've made up my mind." "I'm gonna go with Egg Salad... the man and the sandwich." "Hey, roomie." "The working man is back, bringing home the bacon, just like my dad." "Except I don't cry in the shower, and I have bacon." "Get over here." "I want to hear everything." "So, in the elevator," " I was a little nervous..." " How was my sandwich?" "All right, you know what?" "Your sandwich was fantastic." "In fact, I made this great pitch  that the client bought in the room." "I think I earned the respect of everybody in the office." "Oh, and I got a wicked cool nickname." " You moment" " Stealing son of a bitch!" "That's not the nickname;" "it's Egg Salad." "Wait... did you follow me home?" "Oh, yeah, I followed you home." "You came into my world, now I'm all up in yours." "You know, I worked really hard on these ideas, and because of you, they didn't even get a chance!" "The world will never see a motorcycle truck!" "I like her." "She's feisty." "What else needs fixing?" "Beckett Ryan has arrived." "Oh, yeah, you're a great fixer." "Tildman Trucking went with your backing-up-music idea," " and it was a smash hit." " What?" "That's great!" "No!" "It's not great!" "Cars got smashed and people got hit!" "Gordon, what happened?" "I got hit by a truck that was backing up very slowly." "Yeah, people heard trucks backing up and thought it was their phone and stopped to answer it, and then BAM!" "Fifteen incidents in the last hour." "Hey, you!" "Smelly sandwich, or whatever the hell your name is." "My office, now." "Oh-ho, good luck beatboxing your way out of this one, daddy longlegs." "Score, Stephanie!" "Sorry, buddy." "Ah, it could have been worse, considering Tom wanted to chain me between 2 trucks and rip me in half." "Oh, no truck rending?" "I wish he'd reconsider." "Well, congratulations." "It's the smallest belongings box ever." "It's actually empty... just symbolic." "We are all so gonna miss you, buddy." "All right, well, thanks." "Thanks, all." "Thanks." "Thanks, everyone." "You know, my brief time here reminds me of Arthur Miller's classic A Memory of Two Mondays..." "Ok, who had less than 2 days in the pool?" "Can you guys at least wait until I'm gone?" "I had day 1, gone by lunch." "I had 1 day, 4 hours." "Beat that, suckers!" "I'm still here, guys." "And I had forever." "It was supportive, but it was stupid." "You guys know that I have ears, right?" "Oh, I won!" "One day and 5 minutes." "A man may have lost his job, but I just won $37." " All right, I'll just find the stairs." " I'll be able to feed my cats." "I guess I put one of them down too soon." "Dad, I have something to say." " Auction!" "Auction!" " Coming, sir!" "We tried Egg Salad's idea." "When is it Binder's turn?" "You know, honey, I wouldn't let Tom define you with his nicknames." "He's insane." "But you are right." "You do deserve a shot, you know, and I'm gonna give it to you." "And you know what?" "I bet this is gonna turn out just like the time you tried out for cheerleading squad." "You remember?" "All the odds were against you that day, but you made the squad and you led the team to Nationals." "Again, that was Todd." "Todd is amazing." " Hey." " Hey." "Look, uh, I'm sorry things didn't work out." "But hey, at least nobody got hurt, right?" "Yeah, I guess you're right, unless you count all those people that got hit by trucks!" "Yeah, but they all thought they were getting phone calls, you know." "Their last conscious memory was full of hope." "Look, Nelson, I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, but you can go back to the office." "Not without your key card I can't." "Right." "You know..." "I got nothing." "Hell of a day." "Hell of a hell of a day." "Does this mean you don't hate me anymore?" "Not now that you've been crushed and humiliated." "That's all I ever wanted." "Mm." "Shouldn't you be at work?" "Nope, I am way ahead of the game." "I told my dad that I would fix Tildman Trucking." "And this is what I've come up with." ""Truck rhymes with... "" "Well, I don't think we can say that." "Oh, my God." "I'm dead." "You know, I've been working there for 6 months, and I have been begging for an opportunity like this." "And now that I have it, I'm so scared I'm paralyzed." "Maybe I am just the boss's daughter." "You know, I reconstructed that binder you threw at me." "And you know what I saw?" "Some very disturbing drawings I drew of you?" "I especially like the one where you're jamming a sandwich into parts of my body that sandwiches ought not be jammed into." "Yeah, that one's going on the refrigerator." "I also saw somebody who had more ideas than anybody else." "I saw a driven woman who never gives up, ever, even to the point of following employees home, to their houses, where they live." "A woman who is the boss's daughter In name, but also in spirit... determined, terrifying spirit." "Thank you." "Well... it was nice working with you... for a day and 5 minutes." "Yeah, you too." "Oh, and hey," "I'm sorry about those drawings." "I'm sure you have normal-sized genitalia." "Is that what that was?" "I thought that was a bee sitting on my lap." "Mmm." "Oh, for the love of Pete, are we doing this again?" " Like when your book failed?" " Yep, and this time" "I'm not getting up." "Not just because I don't want to, but because I ate 4 pounds of bacon." "Beckett, step away from the bacon." "You need to get back to work." "Work?" "What work?" " They fired me." " Do you know what you need right now?" " Four pounds of eggs?" " No, less bacon." "No, no, no, no, no, no!" "It's open." " Ah, Beckett." " Dave." "Wow." "Dropping by is really a thing with you Lyons." "Mm-hmm." "I came back because I wanted to play a little game with you, Beckett." "It's a game where you take something negative and try to make it seem positive." "I'd rather play the game where you didn't just fire me." "No, I recalibrated your employment opportunities." "When you put it like that, it sounds pretty good." "Oh, I see how it works." "Ok, shall we?" "All right, you go." "Ok." "Uh..." " bankruptcy." " Financial rebirth." "Identity theft." "Severely flattering impersonation." "Ok, now your turn." "Calling out the wrong name in bed." "Uh, an efficient way to end a relationship." "Yes!" "I would have also accepted roleplaying." "Um..." "leaving the scene of a crime." "Running around other neighbourhoods looking for clues." "Arsonist." "Someone who brings warmth to others." "Wow, I can do this!" " Yeah." " How did you know?" "Well, because of what you did for Stephanie today." "You know, you took her awkward and frustrating life, and you made it seem full of possibilities... you sold her on her, and that's something I haven't been able to do." "And I'm the best salesman there is." "I mean, hell," "I'm the guy that made rollerblading cool." "And when they dropped me," "I made it stupid." "I always wondered why I stopped rollerblading." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Now, what do you say?" "Come back to work?" "Say yes, say yes!" "I am sick and tired of this place smelling like a Denny's." " Girlfriend?" " Abby." "Ex-girlfriend." " Too broke to move out." " Or... ?" "Former soul mate currently free of the burden of wealth." " Excellent." " Hey, I could be you." "No, Beckett, I have a plane." "Do you have a plane?" " No." " Then baby steps." "You just think about it." "And, Abby, very nice to meet you." "I like him!" "He has a plane!" "All right, I got it." "As a form of apology, we let a truck back up over everyone in the office." "Huh?" "Here's a slogan: "We stand behind our work."" "Anyone else?" "Anything, anything at all." "Stephanie." "Come on." "Oh..." "Yeah, sorry, when she panics, she tap dances." "Although, ironically, when she panicked at tap dancing class, she just peed." "You finally tell a story that doesn't involve Todd, and that's what you remember?" "Ok, ok, Dave, I've got it." "What if we cover the trucks in bubble wrap?" " No." " What if they covered me in bubble wrap?" "No!" "And stop wearing bubble wrap to work." " It's so comfy." " It's noisy!" "It is." "Sir, if the troops could use rejuvenation," "It is shrimp cocktail night at Manion's." "No." "Nobody will eat a crustacean until I have one viable id to take to the client!" "We get Tildman Trucking to put out an app." "It's a free safety app." "Go on." "It uses GPS to warn anybody when a truck is backing up by playing... this." "Hey, moron, you're about to get hit by a truck!" "I don't get it." "What is this for?" " It's for work." "Just say the line." " Prototype." "That is a great idea." "Well, you came through, just like Stephanie did." "How did I come through?" "Well, I told you to come up with a good idea, and yours was to hire Beckett back." "Oh." "Oh!" "Score, Stephanie!" "Bryce, get me Tildman Trucking on the phone." " Already on it, sir." " Thank you, Bryce." "Hello." "Tom." "Tom, this is Dave Lyons." "I think we've had a bit of a breakthrough here." "Yeah, what we're gonna do..." "Tom, why do I hear beatboxing?" "Well..." "No, it can't be your ringtone;" "you're already on the phone with me, and..." "Oh, Tom, look out!" "Tom!" "I'm sure he's ok." "Anyone hungry?" "Good to have you back, buddy." "By the way," " uh, new guy always buys." " Aw, that can't be a rule!" " Ah, ah." " Come on!" "Ah, an exquisite treat after a triumphant victory." "I'll say." "Oh, Gordon!" "You're allergic to shrimp." "No, I'm not; that's peanut..." " Whew." " Thanks, Bryce." " Yeah." " Hey, shrimp, let's cut out the middleman." "Um, I'd like to make a toast." "Uh, to me, for recommending Beckett, who save the day, right after he ruined it." "And then me for re-recommending Beckett so that he could save the day for real." " All right." " And to me, who got in on the company shrimp, even though I don't work with any of you." "Hi, I'm Abby." "Anybody else?" "Good." "You know, today's events" " remind me of a quote from..." " Hey, guys," "A severed finger was just found in a kiddie's meal at Whammy Burger." "That could work, folks." "Let's go." "I know." "We say that Whammy Burger will do whatever it takes to get protein back into their food." "Let's make that idea 7." "Ah, severed fingers in food." "I love my job." "Hey." "Are you sure you want to work with us, Beckett?" "Yeah, I'm sure." "And the name is Salad." "Egg Salad." "Aw, come on!" "We have to get you a bell!"