"AMATEUR THEATRE" "Beautiful horses, aren't they, honey?" " I think it's the mare selection." " Too bad that Iben couldn't come." " Well, it is quite a long way." " Did she have something else on?" " No." " Okay..." "Mia and me think that moving out here was the best thing we've ever done." "How long do you want to stay?" "I think we should go home soon." "Already?" "We haven't been to any competitions yet." " I want to go home." " Shall we go, Casper?" " Maybe one more beer?" " Yes, we've got a few left." " That's right." " Do you want me to come?" "If you want to stay I'll just go home alone." " Are you sure?" " Yeah." "Have fun." " Just say so, if we have to go." " We're staying." " Well, if..." " I don't know..." " We don't have to go home, do we?" " I'm just tired of being here." " Then go." " Bye." " Sorry about Iben, but it's true." " We'll come after the selection." " That's it, man!" " I need something stronger." " We're gonna have a snifter." " A double whammy." "Oh, no!" "This is really you." "Look." "I'm buying." "There you go." "Gangway." "That's it, Frank." "Further!" " One more, one more." " You're useless." " Stop it, Frank." "What are you like?" " All right." " So people will say..." " There's the fifty-fifty cow." "Right. "A fifty-fifty cow." "What are they up to now? "" ""Hello, Nordisk Film." And we've just brought a cow along." " It's fucking great, Frank." " Really good." "Brilliant." "Cheers." "Frank?" "Frank!" " Hi, honey." " Why is there a cow on our lawn?" " We bought it." " I don't want a bloody cow!" " It's Casper's cow, and mine." " What were you thinking?" "It's a fifty-fifty cow." "For PR purposes." "To promote our company and stuff." "Goodness me." "It's a bit messy, isn't it?" " Who peed on the bath mat?" " I don't think it was me." "Can I use this?" "I've got to milk the cow." "I think it's in pain." "There's a lot of milk." "It's quite fun, actually." " I'm off." "Talk to you later." " We have to milk the cow." " You're doing that." " We have to share." " It's a communal cow." " Well, it's yours now." "Oh, no!" "You're going to have to get on top of that, Frank." " We have to milk the cow together." " I don't drink milk." "Why should I?" "Don't be stupid." "I can't have it." "You live in the country." "Have fun, Frank." "That's just shabby, that is!" "He's a drunk driver, I'm telling you." "Casper and Iben were going to come." "But Iben felt it was too far away." "Then they got drunk." "I just feel so lonely." " I regret that we moved." " You mustn't, sweetheart." "Yes, well..." "I'll call you later." "Give my love to Daddy." "Okay, bye." " What was that all about?" " Nothing." " Are you having second thoughts?" " I'm sad because no one ever comes." " Casper has just been to visit." " Yes, but Iben couldn't be bothered." "We've only lived here for a month, honey." "Let's not get carried away." "We have to give it a chance." " We'll make new friends." " Our neighbour is 75 years old." "So she's got life experience." "Take the amateur theatre group." "If we get into that, we'll meet loads of people." " Do you think I can manage that?" " As well as the others." "I'd like to start with the cast list." "Our funny man and groom, Severinsen, that's you, Henning." "Then there's our lead:" "Børge Thomsen, farmer and deputy mayor." "I've decided to give that to you, Frank." "It's a wonderful part." "I'm looking forward to working with you on that." "Børge's wife Beate Thomsen,   the lovely Beate Thomsen, who unfortunately suffers from amnesia." " She will be played by Tove." " I'm looking forward to it." " No, I'm the stage electrician." " That's Gitte." "This is Tove." " Hi!" " Tove will be playing the part." "Gitte deals with the lighting, and we're really happy with that." "The only thing left on our to-do list is a welding torch." "That's right." "For the lighting stands." "So if you know anyone who has one..." "Shall we begin?" "Yes, Mia?" " What will I be playing?" " You are the prompt." "I've chosen you for that part." "So if you could read the stage directions on Frank's script..." "Thanks, that was nice." "Sorry about the mix-up." " No problem." " He said you were pretty, you see." "About this welding thingy:" "I may be able to get one." " Do you have one?" " We may have one in the attic." " Otherwise I'll work something out." " Great." "Thanks." " Nice to meet you." " Bye." " That was quick." " We don't have a welding torch." " We can always find one." " Hey..." " Have you lost anything?" " No, I always check for cats." "I ran one over once." "But I can't see any, so..." " Then you're good to go." "See you." " Yeah, bye." "Hello." "I'm your neighbour." "I just wanted to say hello." " Poul." " Hello." "I'm Frank." " I can see you have a cow." " Yeah, big mistake." "I bought it at the cattle show when I was pissed." "I wanted to ask you if you would like to come round for dinner?" " That would be great." " Shall we say about seven?" "See you then." "So I offered to help with a welding torch." "I looked it up on the Internet and found out they cost 10,000." " It's typical of you." " Kindness is costly." " You could borrow mine." " Do you have a welding torch?" "That would be great." "You won't get any money." " He'll be thanked in the programme." " Yes, that's right." " Great." " Let's drink to that." " Cheers." " Cheers." "And welcome." " Damn, this is good." " Damn good, Poul, I must say." "I've been thinking of brewing my own." "What do you say?" " Everybody does." " I'm up for one barrel." " That would be great." " Did you find it?" " You should check the loo." " What?" "Go to the toilet now." " I have to take a leak." " It's out there on the left." " That was quick." "Eh, Frank?" " Yeah..." " I think we should be going." " I was about to open another bottle." "I have to get up early, so we'd better be off." " That's okay." " Thanks." "It's been nice." "By the way, Frank." "Remember the welding torch." " This is so sweet of you." " It's a professional one." " I'll say!" " Great, Frank." "I think this calls for a round of applause." " Terrific!" " We didn't have one ourselves." " So we borrowed this." " Borrowed it?" "Not from the blacksmith, did you?" "Because he's a Nazi, so we don't socialize with him." " No, no." " That's good." "We can't write a thank you in the programme for someone like that." "Of course not." " So who did you it borrow it from?" " From my father-in-law." " What does he do?" " He's a locksmith." "Lovely." "So we have to thank your father-in-law in the programme." " What's his name?" " Ole." "Ole Christensen." "Could we have some quiet, please?" "And... action." "Good morning." "How are my lasses this morning?" "You seem to be in very high spirits." "I suppose you slept well." ""By the way, we have to..."" ""By the way, we have to buy paint."" "By the way, we have to buy paint..." "for the barn." " Don't you think it needs painting?" " I don't think I have the time." "I've got so much to do." " Your turn." " Come on, come on!" " It's not Mia's fault." " "Yes, do that, Børge."" "Thank you." "That was really good." "Marvelous." " It was excellent." " Could we rehearse with the script?" " So everybody knows their lines." " We don't normally do that." " It's important to know our lines." " Let's take a break." "You're really believable as a couple." "Really." "Tove is no good." " She doesn't know her lines." " It's just because she's not pretty." " That's what annoys you." " It's got nothing to do with that." " Yes, it has." " It's because she's a disaster." "It's madness having such a big mama play a beautiful, young girl." "And she doesn't know her lines." "I want her off the production." "Maybe you should not give her cues." "Ejnar has to see how crap she is." "You cued her so well that no one noticed." " My neck hurts from that box." " The show will be better for it." "I promise." " And action." " How are my lasses this morning?" "I haven't slept a wink." "You were snoring terribly, Børge." "I never noticed." "And when it comes to snoring, you're no slouch either." " Go on." " It's Tove." " I need some help." " She can't keep reading for you." " I just need a bit of help." " It's fine." "Just keep going..." "We should try without a prompt, because the premiere is tomorrow." "Yes..." "Just carry on." "I'll pick up the thread :" "I never noticed." "But I'll tell Severinsen." "He's coming later today." "All right, Tove, just continue from there." " So you'll come home and do your..." " That's not how the line goes." " It isn't?" " No." " Mia, do you know where we..." " Let's take a break, Ejnar." "Good idea." " Have you got a minute?" " Of course." "Isn't this the time to make a big decision   and change the lead roles?" " We can still save the show." " I can't." "If I take people off, they won't come to the shop." " You're the bloody director!" " I'm also the supermarket manager." "You have to separate the two." "Or you shouldn't be the director." "We have a player who doesn't rehearse." "She doesn't know any of her lines." "You must take the consequences." "I don't want to do it." "I have to play with these people." " You'll have to take the heat." " I'll do it." "Right..." "I feel I have to tell you something." "I feel the need to tell you that I think it's going brilliantly." "But I guess you can all hear that there is a but." "I think Frank would like to say something about that." " You're the director." " Yes, nobody here doubts that." "But... it's also important that everybody is heard." " So..." " Fine, then I'll say it." "Tove doesn't know her lines." "We have to find someone else." "Come on, we're only doing this for fun." "I can't have fun when someone doesn't know their lines." "She's hopeless." " So who should play Beate instead?" " I don't know!" "It could be anyone." "Like Gitte." "The rest of you already have parts." "I'm going to cut to the chase, because that's what I'm here for." "I would say that the best choice for the part of Beate is you, Tove." "I really think so." "You are." " What do we say?" "Can we do it?" " Yes, we can!" "Well, we did what we could." "Bye now." " Why did you suggest Gitte?" " I don't know." "So you could flirt with her while I sat there in the prompt box." " I don't flirt, honey." " That's why you suggested her." "No!" "I was under a lot of pressure." "I just picked a random name." "What a to-do, just because I want to the raise the artistic level." "What happened?" "What's going on?" "You drove over her foot, Frank!" "Could somebody get some ice?" " For fuck's sake." " What were you doing down there?" "Call an ambulance." "And get some ice." " You know I always check for cats!" " She was checking for cats." "Oh, dear..." "Is your foot getting better, Tove?" " Hello, Ejnar." " Can I put William somewhere?" "You can put him upstairs." "Right, the little store manager is sound asleep." "Little man." "Right, I just wanted to say:" "Tonight's the night." "Are you nervous?" "It's been exciting." "And I really feel sorry for you, Tove." " Thanks." " But I'm sure Gitte will do great." " I'll do my best." "I've got help." " Just believe in it, my friends." " Then everything will be just fine." " Excuse me." "Hello?" " Hello, Mum..." " I just want to say:" " Can we do it?" " Yes, we can!" "I just want to be out of earshot." "The amateur play opens tonight, so we've got a houseful of yokels." "I'm so fed up with living in the country." "They're a bunch of thick village idiots." "They're all horrid." "And Frank is just lording it." "The other day we borrowed a welder from a man who is a Nazi..." "I'd better go back down." "Love to Daddy." "Bye." " Sorry." "That was my mother." " You came through on the babyphone." " The babyphone, honey." " What?" "They heard everything you said." "Mia has been a bit upset about moving to the countryside." "Hi, Frank." " Frank!" " Yes?" " I've brought back the welder." " That's all right." "Come over here." " I'm in a bit of a hurry, Poul." " Come over here anyway." "I was just looking through the programme for your play." "It looks good." ""Børge Thomsen :" "Frank Hvam."" "Here it says: "A big thanks to Ole for the welding torch."" " That's right." " So I'm wondering who Ole is." " He's my father-in-law." " Did you borrow the torch from him?" " No." "But I didn't say it was yours." " Why not?" "It's kind of heavy, the stuff you're into." " People hate you being a Nazi." " So what?" "Well, I kind of understand them." " What about the Jews?" " Yes, that was a terrible thing." "But there were a lot of other people who were killed in that war, Frank." " We're talking 6 million people." " But the welding torch was all fine?" " I'm not trying to be a smart alec." " Go on, have a beer." "Which one do you prefer?" "The light one, isn't it?" " Cheers, Frank." " Cheers." " What do you think?" " It's really good." "Fuck!" "It's Frank, that fucking idiot." " That's not Frank." " No, it's his cow." " What did he put it here for?" " It's a fifty-fifty cow."