"Good boy." "All right." "All right." "Hey, Jason." "Jason:" "Hey, what's going on?" "Not much..." "I didn't know you were back in L.A." "Yeah-yeah." "I had a pretty amazing trip." "I mean, it was unreal." "Really?" "I can't wait to hear about it." "No, I have like a lot to tell you." "What is it?" "Come on." "Do you remember the '90s?" "Yeah." "You know, people were talking about getting piercing's and getting tribal tattoos." "Yeah." "And people were singing about saving the planet and forming bands." "Yeah." "There's a place where that idea still exists as a reality..." "And I've been there." "Where is it?" "Portland." "Oregon?" "Yeah." "Dream of the '90s is alive in Portland" "Portland" "Portland dream of the '90s is alive in Portland the tattoo ink never runs dry remember when people were content to be unambitious and sleep till 11:00 and just hang out with their friends." "When you had no occupations whatever... maybe working a couple hours a week at a coffee shop." "Right." "I thought that died out a long time ago." "Not in Portland." "Portland is a city where young people go to retire." "Dream of the '90s is alive in Portland all the hot girls wear glasses yeah remember the '90s when they encouraged you to be weird?" "It was just an amazing time where people would go to see something like the Jim rose sideshow circus, and watch someone hang something from their penis?" "You could grow up to wanna be a clown." "Like people went to clown school." "I gave up clowning years ago." "Well, in Portland, you don't have to." "Dream of the '90s is alive in Portland sleep till 11:00 you'll be in heaven the dream of the '90s is alive in Portland the dream is alive so from what I can surmise from what you're positing," "it's like Portland's almost an alternative universe." "It's like Gore won." "The bush administration never happened." "Exactly." "In Portland, it's almost like cars don't exist, right?" "Yes!" "You ride bikes or double-Decker bikes." "They ride unicycles." "They ride the tram." "They ride skateboards." "Yes!" "Dream of the '90s is alive in Portland my flannel shirt still looked fine dream of the '90s is alive in Portland" "dream of the '90s is alive in Portland in Portland in Portland, you can go to a record store, and sell your cds." "Turn that dirty clown frown right upside down in Portland, you can put a bird on something and call it art." "The dream of the '90s is alive in Portland" "Portland hey, I made it." "Yeah, you're a little late." "Sorry." "You're also a little" "San Francisco, right now." "If you know what I mean." "Sorry." "Much better." "Welcome to Portland." "Thank you." "The dream of the '90s is alive in Portland." "Thank you for buying me that bag the other day." "Ahh... come on, it's more for me than you." "It's more for me than you." "God, you have beautiful eyes." "Everyone tells me that." "I'm the only one that's told you that." "No, I don't mean like in a flirty way, but people when I was kid like," ""you've got great eyes"." "It's like, "I'm just a guy."" "You're my guy." "I am your guy." "Dana:" "Hey, guys." "Hello." "My name is Dana, I'll be, uh, taking care of you today." "If you have any questions about the menu, please let me know." "I guess I do have a question about the chicken if you could just tell us a little more about it." "Uh, the chicken is a heritage breed, a woodland raised chicken, that's been fed a diet of sheep's milk, soy, and hazelnuts." "I guess this is, this is local?" "Yes, absolutely." "I'm gonna ask you just one more time." "It's local?" "It is." "Is that usda organic or Oregon organic or Portland organic?" "It's just all across the board organic." "The hazelnuts, these are local?" "How big is the area where the chickens are able to roam free?" "I am sorry to interrupt." "I had that exact same question?" "Four acres." "Hmm..." "Give me just a second." "I'll be right back, okay?" "Okay." "Okay." "She's nice." "You were doing the right thing." "I'm too apologetic." "You are." "I-I drove way too slow here today, didn't I?" "Yeah." "I'm so weird with that gas pedal." "The thing just moves the whole vehicle forward and... all right, so here is the chicken you'll be enjoying tonight." "You have this information?" "This is fantastic." "Absolutely." "Ah, his name was Colin." "Here are his papers." "Okay?" "That's great." "He-he looks like a happy little guy runs around." "A lot of friends?" "Other chickens as friends." "Putting his little wing around another one, and kind of like palling around." "You know, I don't know that I can speak to that level of, uh, intimate knowledge about him." "Um, they do a lot to make sure their chickens, uh, are very happy." "When you say "they,"" "I mean, who are these people raising Colin?" "It's a farm that's located about, uh, 30 Miles South of Portland." "And-and-and... and you feel, and-and-and you have a good relationship with this farm?" "We do." "It's not some guy on a yacht who lives in Miami." "Oh, goodness, no!" "Saying that he's organic." "It tears at the core of my being the idea of someone just cashing in on a trend like organic." "No, I know the type." "No." "Um, tell you what, we're gonna go check it out, if you don't mind." "Just if you could just hold our seats." "Oh, now... now?" "Yeah." "We'll be right back." "We want to make sure... thank you so much, Dana." "Sure-sure." "Fred:" "Check my email really quick." "Oh, my God..." "Puffington host has the top ten... one more text." "One more text." "Software update." "I got to watch these movies, and I got to return." "Help..." "Carrie?" "Got to check my texts, email." "Carrie:" "Fred?" "Help... one more text." "Got to watch all these movies before I have to return them." "Up on my queue and... ha-ha-ha, top-ten family photos." "Okay, just one more text." "Mp3s, dvr." "Put it down." "Check my Facebook update." "Tumbler." "Fred... wait... please." "You know what's happening, right... you're spiraling." "You're out of control." "Yeah." "There's too many things..." "I wanna check my texts." "You're out, right?" "Help me, please." "I'm trying to." "Please help me out." "Will you help me?" "Yes." "Please help me." "Text." "Fred." "What is this?" "Fred..." "That's you in High School." "That's you before computers and Internet and iPads and YouTube and tumbler." "Before your fantasy baseball league, before your netflix queue... which I have to watch." "No." "Look how happy you look." "You're in a technology loop." "Okay..." "What should we do?" "Welcome to mind-fi." "Carrie, what's that?" "It's mind-fi." "I just installed it." "It's like wi-fi but for our thoughts." "Now you can let go of all your electronic devices and just be free in your mind." "Cool." "How does it work?" "Hey, have you ever wondered what the hottest celebs are up to?" "What?" "Just think key word "gossip"" "to get the latest... oh, no!" "Ooh, I'm gonna think about that." "Do not think about that, Fred." "Now transferring to..." "Fred?" "Fred?" "What are you drinking?" "Uh, it's cap-a-tu-tu-tu-tea." "It helps clear out my tear ducts, and keeps my skin nice and dry." "It tastes like soot and hot water." "It looks like a stillbirth." "I'm hooked." "Addiction isn't funny." "Sure it is." "Hi, hello." "Hi." "Hello." "Hi..." "We have a strict rule that you can't use the restroom unless you're a paying customer." "Uh-huh." "It's clearly stated on the door." "Oh, that's what that... oh, you know, when I went in, uh, the number four threw me." "I was like... you-you couldn't read it?" "I spell things out." "So when people use numbers to, you know... what people?" "Wh-what people do you mean?" "You know, well like you do." "Like-like..." "Women?" "Well, I'm not, I'm not, uh," "I wasn't being, you know..." "No, we don't know." "I'm sorry that I used your bathroom, and I'm in this neighborhood a lot." "Next time I'm in, I, you know, uh, you want me to buy something now?" "Yes." "Next time is now." "This is good." ""She's no lady."" "That's actually a series." "So there's another 14." "So you've got to subscribe." "Yeah, I just want this one." "It's a series book." "So those are... that's the thing." "Book 13 you find out she is a lady, and it pains me to imagine you not knowing her journey." "That's how that the author..." "I'm not, I'm not even really gonna read this." "I just... well, then why are you buying it?" "You said, um," "I had to buy something." "Sir, sir, sir." "Would you go into puzzle store and buy one puzzle piece?" "Where is there a puzzle store?" "There's one on hawthorn, and there's one downtown on southwest Broadway." "The puzzle people... okay, can I buy something?" "Sure, we'll think about it." "Yeah, can I just buy this wrist band and... it's not a wrist band." "This is a coffee cozy." "Okay." "Is this the one you want?" "Ye-yeah." "You know what that is?" "It's a rotary phone." "You would have to do a zero, and it would go all the way around, and it took forever." "How much is that?" "I'm sorry," "I'm just telling her a story." "And you'd be able to hear in your house who was making phone calls by how long the dials were." "I'll give you 20 bucks for it." "Oh, I don't think it's... no." "Twenty dollars right now..." "It's only $12." "It's only $12." "Oh, that's great." "So we have find the change and everything." "No-no-no..." "I'll give you 15." "We're non-for-profit, sir." "This is not a back alley, hooker, pimp transaction." "Do I look like a pimp to you?" "When a man pulls out money away from a register," "I have to wonder." "Let's go ring you up." "No, we'll get you change." "But did you look close." "It's sewn with human hair." "No, way." "Okay." "I'll just ring you up for this." "$12." "Um, instead of buying that, you could take a class instead." "Uhh, wouldn't you like that?" "There's the Tucker Max protest organizing." "I just really want to buy the thing and, uh..." "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." "You know what?" "I'm outraged, right now." "Have you gone to the vegan bakery?" "No, I've not been there." "It's awful." "They have these cup... breakfast cupcakes, and I swear it tasted like sand." "I was like, "excuse me," ""this is very Sandy,"" "and I asked them what them," ""what did you put in it", and you know what they said to me... "sand."" "You're not gonna let me buy anything are you?" "We are, sir." "We're ringing you up right now, sir." "Fine." "I don't..." "I think you're looking in the wrong folder for that." "Can I just leave this here?" "We need change for that." "We need change for that." "Uh, do you have a tip jar?" "No, no, no." "What do I look like?" "Somebody that works for tips?" "What would happen if" "I just walked out?" "I would chase you down, and I'd scratch the back of your neck so hard, and I'd call the authorities, and I'd say," ""this man just shoplifted,"" "and I don't wanna do that." "You know what?" "I-I have to go to the bathroom again." "I've been here that long." "Okay." "We'll get you some change, sir." "Let's go to the bank and get change." "Yeah." "I hope they don't get annoyed with us again." "I know, we've been there three times today." "I think we should start selling scones." "Just jam and butter and cream... a mushroom scone." "Oh, come on." "Really?" "Peter:" "Hi, hello." "Nance:" "Hello." "How are ya." "Hey, we're here from the restaurant." "We called ahead." "Oh, of course." "Um, so we were just ordering, and we just wanted to make sure that the animals were being ethically treated, and more importantly, that the farms were, you know, like ethical people." "It's just important to us." "Oh, of course." "Have you met aliki?" "Uh, no, we haven't." "Um, he's just up there." "Aliki:" "Delightful doesn't it?" "That's him, huh?" "Hi." "Who uh..." "let's see what we have here." "Anyway, well, it looks really nice." "Why don't I show you around?" "Oh, yeah, you know, we'd love a tour." "I think that would be great." "This is where Colin came from." "Oh." "Oh, yeah, this is, uh, this is a nice area." "I like it." "Quite a lot of room, huh?" "Yes, they need room to run free." "Of course, yes." "So much fresh air." "Hi." "Hello." "I'm Peter." "Hi, I'm Nance." "Oh, I can't wait for you guys to meet aliki." "He's over there." "Hello." "Is he looking?" "I can't tell." "Still looking." "Come." "Hi." "Hi." "Hi, how are you?" "I'm Peter." "Aliki." "Nance." "What's it?" "Nance." "Nice to meet you." "Aliki." "Great farm." "We saw the chickens." "Thank you." "We're gonna order it." "Yeah, we're loving it." "Can't even believe we questioned it." "Really great place." "Good." "A little speechless in meeting you." "Oh, wow." "Tremendous energy the second you came onto the farm." "Geez, thanks." "I'm just falling in love with this place." "It's just beautiful." "Yeah, we almost don't want to leave." "Sorry, I... what color are your eyes?" "People have said things about your eyes before." "I-I've been told a lot that I have pretty eyes." "People have told me that my body looks like a melted candle or something." "What?" "And I thought," ""no I don't."" "I would love for you to stay." "I mean, we're family here." "We are just what we are." "You know, a husband or a wife." "You know, or a wife or a wife or a wife, wife, wife." "You can be whatever you want to be." "Just exist, and we'd love for you to stay." "Do you want to stay?" "I do." "You do." "I do." "We both do." "We do, too." "Come here." "Stewart:" "What's up," "Sherlock homies?" "Ready for another game of hide and seek?" "This isn't dodge ball." "This isn't kick ball any of that nonsense." "There's strategy to this." "Remember your first spot that you see, isn't the first place you go." "What was that last week?" "What did you hide behind?" "A newspaper?" "What is this... 1934?" "I was sad for myself that I know you." "And where are you hiding?" "Behind your hair?" "So are there smoke breaks and stuff?" "You guys, get your heads in the game, okay?" "Seek." "See, every..." "Every kind of spot." "Okay, at the after party, one thing that would be fun," "'80s karaoke." "Yeah, I had this other idea." "I was thinking like we can win a championship just once." "You know, wouldn't that be crazy?" "It'd be like some kind of a fun thing to do." "A fun thing to do." "One vegan bacon cheeseburger." "Two vegan bacon cheeseburgers." "Ready or not, here we come." "Found you... you're out." "Hey, Stewart." "What are you doing?" "Get out of here." "I have a question about the after party." "Could we bring people... time out." "Hey, time out." "Susan, there are rules to this." "This was genius, and you just ruined it." "Ref, can I get a ref?" "Uh, will you kindly state to my teammate what the rules are in this situation?" "Sure." "Any player who happens upon another player's hiding spot must cede the territory to it's original founder." "I didn't know." "Okay." "What are you doing later?" "What are you doing later?" "Can I help you?" "I'm hiding." "From what?" "Portland's adult hide and seek league." "There's weirdo's everywhere." "No, I'm not a weirdo." "If you're talking, just make it look like you're talking to yourself, like you're a crazy person." "Uh, no I won't." "Why don't you just get a job and go to work like a normal person." "I do work." "I work at a co-op... like a hippy place." "We are not like hippies at all." "We like to think of ourselves as more alternative." "So where do you live?" "I've got about three roommates up on the north side." "It's kind of a house, but it's kind of falling apart." "It's kind of a house, but it's kind of falling apart." "Yes, ma'am." "I think that describes your life right now, honey." "American literature is clear." "Arts and artists clear." "Stewart, feel like we should make it official t-shirt like an after party t-shirt?" "Oh, I have a good design for the t-shirt." "How about "we'll never" ""win this game as long as" ""we're obsessed with something" ""as stupid as an after party."" "Nice game, you guys." "Thanks for showing me that rule and everything." "I didn't know." "You're welcome." "Cheers." "Hey, nobody found me." "Oh, Stewart!" "Looks like we won a little bit." "Oh, my gosh!" "Hey." "You didn't win." "I won." "I've been hidin' since 1979." "Wait a second, were you the guy in Ziggy high dust and the hiders from Mars?" "That's right." "That's amazing." "Where were you hiding?" "The most awesome spot you've ever seen." "Whoa!" "I bet he was hiding right behind there?" "Wait a minute." "He's gone." "What?" "Oh, well, next week." "Right?" "All right." "Pete:" "I think he's gone." "Nance:" "I think you're right." "He's passed." "Aliki:" "I'm dying soon." "I wanted to say goodbye to you." "Rachael, I stole your watch, and you're never getting it back." "It's gone... forever." "It's coming with me." "Zoe..." "My beautiful Peter." "I'm gonna miss touching my Peter, washing my Peter." "I'm gonna miss you." "Nance." "You can be a real bitch." "Please don't go." "Nance, you're being a bitch." "Okay?" "It's to bitchy of you to ask me to stay." "I gotta go." "Tell me to go." "Don't be a bitch, Nance." "Go... go!" "Thank you, Nance, for dialing your bitch down a little bit." "That means a lot to me." "You three, you're nice people," "I'm sure." "Ahh!" "Don't go." "You're being a dumb bitch." "Ohhh!" "What is this?" "Where are we?" "I'm wearin' a dress." "We-we were gonna order the chicken, and-and the... the farm?" "Who are you people?" "Is this a cult?" "Look how you're dressed." "You guys are brainwashed." "You're being a dumb bitch." "Let's get out of here." "Uh, Dana?" "You still work here?" "Dana:" "Hi." "Hi, how are you?" "Yeah, we actually decided against the chicken." "We're gonna do two of the salmon." "Thanks." "Okay." "And you know what?" "Can you tell us a little bit about the salmon?" "Yeah, we have like a million questions about it." "Okay." "When you come back." "You're still doing this?" "Stewart:" "Yes." "What's so funny?" "You have a girlfriend?" "Should I ask?" "Uh, I don't at the moment." "She broke up with me." "Why am I not surprised." "There's girls on this team." "Are you interested in any of them?" "Secretly, yes, but I don't want to say anything." "She's supposed to guess?" "She's supposed to guess." "Women can't read minds, you know." "If she read your mind, she'd be scared to death."