"FILMEXPORT HOME VIDEO Presents" "TH E CATACOMBS" "screenplay W" "Director of Photography Art Director" "Music by Lyrics" "Sound Editor Film Editor" "Director's Assistants" "Starring" "Cast" "Directed by" "REGISTRY Business hours: 8.00 am - 3.00 pm." "Just a moment." "That bass upside down, of course." "Just a moment." "Wait, let him sing alone." "It's no paradise at all, I say." "Nay, nay." "People striding down the hall from door to door." "To and fro." "Hullo." "He's not in." "He's not in." "To and fro." "Requests and files keep piling no wonder that we're aging before they climb to the peak to end at desk ofthe chief." "To and fro." "It's time for a snack." " Leave us alone, we're rehearsing." "We have to rehearse, before the principal comes." "ARCHIVE" " Close the door, the closer is out of senlice!" "Hands off my soap, else I will cut them off!" "Borman" "Where did this sausage come from?" "Is it some appendix to the files?" "Or did you kill a pig here?" "Have you seen my milk, by chance?" "I see, the lighthouse keeper again." "Hullo, what do you think you're doing?" "I'm buried under piles of backlogs that you can scarcely see my head and you're staring at the window." "I beg your pardon, sir." " Pardon, pardon." "Here's your sausage and give me my milk." "Do you know, you auxiliary clerk, that we're sewing the night shift?" "I know." " I know" "And what will I do with you here?" "Who is howling here?" "Do you call this work?" "Do you call this work?" "They're hiding here like susliks." "Hullo, hullo!" "What's this mumbling?" "Is there some procession, or what?" "We are rehearsing for the party tonight." "Which will be upstairs." " The president will be there." "Do you want to make the president happy and sing about our clerical hardship?" "We have a very special surprise for the president." "He would be surprised if he saw you work!" "To your desks, else the principal will make tatters out of you all." "Go on!" "Alright." "There's no one in, lad." "At this time of the day, she is always horse riding with our director in the park." "I sent a letter to her, sir." "Don't tell me you want to throw the director out of the saddle?" "How did you enjoy riding today?" "It was excellent." "Manlellous." "Horse riding is so remarkable." "One becomes so much younger." "Farewell." "Good bye." " Farewell." "A beautiful dress, miss." "Quite becoming, chic, there is nothing more" "Ifyou allow me, Iwould like to try on something even more fitting." "Indeed, as you wish, miss." "Foryou, madam." "This is evidence that I am thinking of you every single moment." "L. Krystof, Land Registry Director." "Thank you, sir, lwon't be needing your services any longer." "I'll take this dress for the evening." " Indeed, miss." " Good bye." "I adore your charming face, your captivating eyes, which, ifthey were to descend from the heights, would see him, who yearns after you." "Just once, smile down upon him and give hope to his heart, blossoming under the ground foryou." "Doctor Marek" "Hullo, is it the Grandhotel?" "Connect me to Miss Nastya Borkova, please." "Hullo, hullo?" "That's very nice, indeed." "I am rude, because Iasked you where you were looking." "You know very well, my dear, that I accommodated you just opposite in the Grandhotel not to guard you, but to be close to you." "No, I'm truly not jealous." "I assure you, though, that the whole street can see, you smiling and waving down to the offices." "That's rather unfitting." "Unfitting, is it?" "Am Ito have the blinds down all day?" "Why should I ever be interested in your clerks?" "!" "Very well." "Yes." "I believe that it was pure curiosity." "What is down there?" "The archive, dear." "We call it the catacombs." "Splendid." "It's a charming dress." "I'm looking forward to the evening." "Do you know what's new, sir?" " I do not. ldon't read the papers," "I don't go to the barber shop and I never listen to the radio." "You'll be surely interested in this news, sir." "We'll appoint a new secretary." " We'll appoint." "Who will you appoint, Mr. Melchior?" " It's Balthazar, please." "They're both kings, so why bother." "You remind me of Caspar, though." "If I didn't know you" "If I didn't know you, I'd make no bones about it." "They're polishing door handles, eh?" " It's like in a bee hive up there." "It would be Mr. Valnoha's turn." "But there's also senior auditor Kefurt and auditor Hlinka." "Who would you propose, Mr. Borman?" "I would propose you to go to hell." "Has anyone been looking outside from this window?" "No, sir." "I'm sitting with my back to the window." " I see, you're sitting back to it." "Only principal S/kora could hope." "He could, he's a true climber, like a Woodpecker." "What were you discussing, gentlemen?" "Always fooling around and work can wait." "They're looking for a new secretary and they need someone younger, so they're counting with you." "You'll never stop, will you?" "It seems you can't wait to get rid of me, eh?" "Well, you're old enough." "But you keep holding to yourjob here like a worm to an apple." "They appreciate my senlices upstairs, and they don't wish us to leave." "Is that clear?" "Which ofyou has the night shift?" "Mr. Borman and me, sir." "You?" " Yes." "It's your first time, isn't it?" " Yes." "Do you know, why have we introduced night shifts here in the catacombs?" " He knows, he knows." "I'll explain it myself, as you'd put it to him rather delicately." "The thing is that one evening, after business hours, the director wanted some file and no one was here." "Since then, two clerks have to sit here overtime, in case the director comes here and asks what was the date today last year." "You know?" "Of course I do know!" "You're putting it very nicely." "You see, the director works himself every evening on serious matters and he did not come here by chance, or once, but several times already." "Is that clear?" "Don't lose you're breath." " I'm not losing any breath!" "And as the director happened to catch some ofthe clerks in terrible suits and with slippers on theirfeet" "Oh my." "Should I be wearing silk stockings, if it's freezing cold here like at a skating rink?" "I wish to see all the clerks come to the office in a faultless suits!" "Is that clear?" "It is my wish!" "I hope you do have some decent suit." " I do, sir." "I even have my tail coat in the wardrobe." "It is the only decent suit I have left." "Alright." "Did you say a tail coat?" " Yes." "Atail coat, sir." "Indeed." "I like that." "I see that you work within the intentions of your superiors." "I hope you do have some better jacket, eh?" "I don't have a tail coat or a dinner jacket, but I've got a pierrot costume in the wardrobe from the last carnival." "I could put it on with the mask, if it makes you so childishly happy." " How dare you?" "What do you mean by childishly happy?" "I order it, is that clear?" "I am still the principal around here." "I am, is that clear?" "Don't lose your temper, else it'll strike you down like last time." "When you fell down the stairs with that maid." "When we brought you round, you started yelling: no water, no water!" "Only cognac will bring me round." "Mr. Borman, once and for all I insist on you not using such a tone!" "Young man, don't take an example bythis man." "Young man, take an example bythis man." "It's not worth wasting any words on you." "I will propose you for definite appointment as soon as possible." "Thank you very much, sir." " Very well." "You always make me so angry." "Then why are you jumping like a monkey on a barrel-organ." "No one is afraid ofyou anyway." "I know what to do." "You!" "He's used to yelling from fishing." "When he's yelling at the ferryman." "At the ferryman." "Exactly, at the ferryman." "The tail coat will fix you a definite advance, you climber." "Don't blame me for it, sir." "The tail coat is the only decent suit I have left from better times." "Come here." "Why should I be humdrumming with you all night?" "Why humdrum, sir?" "Is it some pastime to sit here all night with a daydreaming beau?" "Do you play cards?" "Idon't, sir." "So what do you want to do here all night?" "Learn." " Mourn?" "What does that mean?" " Learn." "I see, to learn, to educate yourself." "But why?" "I know, that one doesn't become a counsel from a candidate instantly, but I think that with diligence and honesty" "Why not, ifyou stand it here for ten years, you'll advance from your chair to mine." "And if you last out another fifteen years, you'll get the principal's chair and it's advantage is that it has a cushion." "But the salary is the same." "Continue working, please." "Time flies and no work is done." "Do you see well?" " Yes, sir." "Come here,young man." "Did you see my universal watch?" " I didn't, sir." "Let me show you." "This way I see what time it is." "This way I see the date." "And this way," "I see the door, in case some simpleton enters without knocking." "And here he is." "Ah, auditor Kefun." "How can I help you?" "Not you." "But this young gentleman can." "Yes, sir." "I need one old file." " What number, sir?" "Year 1849," " Year 1849, number 196, - number 196, letter C. - letter C." "Why are you staring at me like that?" "I've never seen you from this short distance." "Go about your own business, clerk." "That's what I'm doing." "Here it is, sir." "Is this your desk?" " Yes, sir." "Alright, this is not enough, I need files back to 1796." "Yes, sir." "And the years 1821 and 1836." "But you've put down something completely different." "I said 1836 and you've put down today's date." "Forgive me, sir." "I wasn't able to note it all down." "Thank you, I'll get the files myself." "An excellent clerk, I daresay." "It seems that today's date is more important for you than the year 1836." "Indeed." "And on top of it you are impudent." "I shall notify your superiors." "Everyone keeps slamming the door." "I told you." "Now he'll sit on you like a hen on eggs." "Do you think that he recognized the window, sir?" "Of course he did, that's why he and Kefurt came here." "And did they figure out that I" " Indeed they did." "Your eyes are flaming that you could light a cigar with them." "Awoman like that can make a man really hot." "And she just waved and smiled." "Good day, father." "Good day." "Good day, honey." "Is there anything new?" " There is, father." " What is it?" "I came to tell you that I'm not going to the party tonight." "My dear child, what a silly idea." "I've invited Mr. Rudik." "That's why I'm staying at home." "Why should I care about some Rudik!" "But you are supposed to marry him." " I'm damned if I do it." "My dear child, you know what career lies ahead of him?" "Sorry father, but I don't care about that." "You don't even know him." " I don't care about that either." "You've chosen a husband for me with auntie without even asking me." "I'll never let anyone interfere in my affairs ofthe hean." "You didn't ask me, when you fell in love with Nastya." "I beg your pardon, that was something different." "That was" "Your affair." "And this is strictly my affair." "You're right." "And therefore, my dear, mind your own business." "But that's what I'm doing and it doesn't please you." "Look, I won't push you into anything." " Really?" "Let me tell you one thing, though." "If you do not pay court to Mr. Rudik tonight, then it's ruthless of you." "I won't marry him, even ifall my aunties stand on their heads." "Listen, they won't stand on their heads because of you." "But." "Pardon me, excuse me, miss." "Is the archive upstairs?" "No, the archive is downstairs." "Can't you see the arrow sign?" "I do, but it's pointing upstairs." " That's a mistake." "It should point downstairs, because the archive is downstairs." "I see." " Now, it's pointing the right way." "Thank you, you're most kind." " And watch your steps, it's darkthere." "I will, thank you." "The archive is downstairs, isn't it?" "Yes." " Thank you." "Good day, gentlemen, I'm looking for my classmate, Doctor Ma..., Marek!" "How are you?" " I'm so glad to see you." "Allow me to introduce you." "Mr. Borman, allow me to introduce my colleague from studies, engineer Rudik." "Alright." "Do you play cards?" " Ido." "Whist?" " I do." "Are you good at it?" " Quite good." "But this changes the situation." "I heartily welcome you." "He can't play anything." "He can't even tell a jack from a queen." "Take your coat off and make yourself at home." "Thank you." " Well." "Come in, please." " Thank you." "Sit down." "There." " Thank you." "Do you really play whist?" " Ido." "Bid whist too?" " Plain as well as bid whist." "Splendid." "What did you bring us anyway?" "I came to see my classmate, Doctor Marek." "And by the way," "I'm supposed to be appointed as the general secretary here." "That's what I call a career." "You see, I have an aunt." " So do I." "I mean an aunt at the ministry." "And she's director Krystof's cousin." "I see, a string-pulling auntie." " What do you mean?" "Pulling the strings for her favourite." " I see." "And you are her nephew." " I am." "You've got it well managed." "One can't make it anywhere without an uncle or an aunt." "Only to an underground candidate, eh?" "You've got no aunties, do you?" "Iwas always misfonunate." " Of course." "So you will be our general secretary?" " Iwill." "That's a manlellous job." " A manlellous job." "I only don't know the daughter." " The daughter?" "Director Krystof's daughter." "Auntie thinks that I should marry her." "And you certainly will marry a daughter with such behind." "I'll never sacrifice my freedom for a clerical career." "I'm beginning to like you, young man." "I'm naming you a first class intelligent retrospectively." "Thank you, sir." "But I came to learn something from you about director Krystof and his family." "What could I know about director Krystofand his family, when I'm closed down here in these catacombs." "I beg your pardon, but I can't believe you play whist?" "I really do, sir." "Then we should celebrate it, shouldn't we?" " You're right." "What if one of us, let's say you, sends for something." "I will send for something." " I will take care of it." "Leave this for later." " Yes, sir." "Nastya, look, there's the young man I was telling you about, how he fell from the stairs, when he asked me where the archive was and Itold himthat the arrow pointed in the wrong direction." "Don't tell me you like him." " Ido." "You can't mean it seriously." " Why shouldn't I like him?" "Not that one, he's the other one, the one who came to him." "That's something else, he looks much better." "However, I really can't tell from this distance." "I guarantee he looks great." "And you would rather marry him than that what's his name?" "Budik, or Rudik or something like that." "Look, Irene, the young man who wrote me letter is there now." " Show me." "What do you think?" " I can't tell from this distance." "We should look at them more closely." " We definitely should." "Let's go there and have a look." " Alright." "But what if your father sees us?" "If he sees us, we'll tell him we came to see him." "And that's that." " And that's that." "Cheers." " Cheers, sir." "Bottoms up." " Balthazar here could tell you something about the director's family." " With pleasure." "Listen, Mr. Balthazar, a friend of mine is interested in the daughter of your director, what is she like?" "She's fine, but the old man wants her to marry some man called Rudik, but she doesn't want to hear a word about that." "And do you know why?" " I sure do." "She doesn't like the idea that some old beldame is putting them together." "His aunt, you see?" "He must be some nitwit, if he needs an old auntie to marry." "What does that gesture mean?" "That you're a noodle." " Why?" " Because it's him!" "On the contrary, you're a swell man." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Well, here's to my bride, gentlemen." "Here's to our new general secretary!" " Here's to Borman!" "Even/thing will change as soon as I become the secretary." "L'll lead you out from the catacombs in the sunny side of social life." "You'd have a great time with me." "I go down like ninepins at the dance floor." "Hungarian salami would go splendidly with this wine, wouldn't you say so?" "The old man." " And it could even be fusty." "The old man is coming." " He's fusty as well." "Though I like the more tender one." " Director Krystof is coming." "Columbus is here, to your desks." "Go to your desk and pretend as if nothing's the matter." "I'll go over there and pretend that something is the matter." "Sit down, quick." "Good day, sir." " Good day." "Be so kind and tell me what do you know about the Rybersky farm border dispute?" "Me?" "Nothing at all." "Does it seem amusing that you know nothing of such material dispute?" "Allow me to introduce myself, sir." "I am not interested in your name, but I shall remember that I have a clerk in the archive, who is laughing at his ignorance." "Should I be crying instead?" " This is outrageous." "He is laughing and impudent." "As far as I know, this dispute was dealt with in the 1890s." "Ifl am not mistaken it was in 1889." "If I may intrude it was earlier." "Are you certain?" " Quite certain, sir." "The decree ofthe Supreme Court on the afforestation of the Ryber marshes was issued in May 1883." "That would be capital." "The dispute would be resolved in our favour." "How come you remember it so clearly?" "When one keeps going through the files such a thing graves in one's mind." "I can see that you do your work with affection." "I do." " I like that." "Your name is?" " It is." "I mean your name." " My name is clerk Borman." "You're an excellent man, Mr. Borman." "Be so kind now and get me those documents, will you?" "Come with me to the registry, sir." "I shall rememberyour name, Mr. Borman." "I shall rememberyou likewise." "I'll go first, ifyou allow me." " Of course." "Watch out, sir." " What is it?" "The cat has her kittens there." "We have to keep a cat, else mice would tear the archive into pieces." "Come in, sir." " Thank you." "My father-in-law to be doesn't seem very pleasant." "Good day." "Is my father here?" " Who, please?" "Director Krystof." " You're his daughter?" "I certainly am." " Miss, lam so happyto" "I don't know you." " Then allow me to introduce" "That's not necessary." "You're sitting here at this desk?" " Yes, miss." "I was watching you from the hotel across the street." "I also took the liberty of looking upstairs." "On you." "I hope I did not insult you." "On the contrary, you amused me." "And your letter was most amusing." "I am glad to meet you in person." "There are only a few fanciful knights like you nowadays." "Do you know that it's audacious of you to send letter to unknown ladies?" "Forgive me, I wanted" "I know." "You wanted to see me." "So, here I am." "Forgive me, miss, for" " I've forgiven you." "I can't be angry at you, when I see now how doleful you are." "You're a much nicer sight from the second floor ofthe hotel, though." "I hope even/thing will be alright now." "The president will be most certainly satisfied." " Excellent." "You have phenomenal memory." "I am very pleased there is such faultless order here." "That everything is in its place." "That's our pride, sir." "For example let me show the files under "P"." "Oh my!" "Let us say here, under "B"." "And under "R" ?" "A sheet of music?" "That is correct." "Our staff will sing to the president at midnight." "I'm looking forward to it." "Bow." "Remain seated, please." "Stay there, please." "Stay." "After you." "Thank you, Mr. Borman." "Are you looking for me ladies?" "Yes, I came to tell you, father, that Iwill go to the party after all." "And I brought Nastya with me." "And Iwas glad to see the catacombs." "Very well, but let us go now." "It is too chilly here." "Good bye, Mr. Borman." " Farewell." "Allow me." "The door is stuck." "Come here and open the door, please." "Mr. Borman, come here, please." "Be so kind." " You have to push the door, not pull." "Thank you." " Farewell." "Be so kind and give me my hat." "Thank you." "Iwas afraid that he would put the hat on his head with sausage included." "It would drive him mad." "I know parties like that." "They used to invite me often." "But when our family became poor, invitations stopped pouring in." "That's how it goes." "I can quite imagine such a feast." "Sandwiches, caviar, port, and all that, what's it called, something like polonaise?" "Mayonnaise." " That's it, mayonnaise." "Mayonnaise, cheese, black coffee and in the end" "Champagne." "Oh boy." "And do you know there are some high-brows that don't eat or drink things like that." " I do." "Acouple of gentlemen are sending their apologies again." "I'm afraid we won't have enough dancers." " What will we do?" "Perhaps the gentlemen from the registry could come?" "The singers?" "Ifthey come in time." "That's most unpleasant." "The best whist player, Mr. Bartos, sends word that he is sick." "This is a most unfortunate situation." "That's great." "I don't have enough money for a beer." "Not enough for beer." "The president is coming." "Ican tell from the creaking of his shoes." "Good evening." " Good evening, Irene." "Madam." "Miss Nastya." " Good evening." " You look absolutely charming." "Take care that Miss Nastya does not craze all the young men here." "And be on the watch yourself." "I am afraid, madam, that your warning has come too late." "You don't say, you have to tell me about that." "Did you manage to arrange good players for a game of cards?" "Allow me to introduce myself." " But I know you." "I don't think so." "You saw me downstairs in the archive and you think I'm one ofthe clerks." "I am Jiri Rudik." "It is you then?" " Yes." "And you wish to become the general secretary and my husband?" "It is my auntie's plan." " And my father's." "I would advise you to disagree." "Because I disagree." "I must admit I wanted to gain your sympathy despite all obstacles." "And now?" " I am abashed." "Why?" "Don't you like me?" "Did you picture me differently?" "Definitely." "Not as pretty." "On the other hand, I didn't expect you to be so heartless." "Heartless?" "Yes." "You acted quite indifferently, when your friend Nastya ridiculed my friend Marek." "That was not right." "I said the same thing to her." "It wasn't nice of her." "Are you serious?" " I am ashamed." "Miss Irene, you can't imagine, how happy you've made me." "I can see you do have a heart." "I am afraid you will change your opinion in no time." "What makes you think so?" "When you go and askfather for my hand." "For the time being, I'd like to ask you for a dance." "May I?" "Get someone, who can play cards at once." "But where should I look for him?" " Among our employees." "The registry staff is not here yet." "And the night shift is in the catacombs." "Doctor Marek." "That Marek?" "Does he play cards?" " I'll ask him." "Don't ask." "Tell him to get dressed and come here immediately." "Yes, sir." "Immediately." "Finally, you'll set your foot on grounds that can bring you fortune." "Where did the director get such an idea?" "Maybe it wasn't his idea." "Maybe it was some else's idea." "Perhaps of that lass across the street." "Do you thinkthat" " Don't ask and follow me." "You'll learn everything upstairs from the director." "Can you play whist?" "I beg your pardon, sir, but I don't play cards at all." "You're driving me to despair." "I beg you, go and enjoy yourself, eat and dance." "Don't just stand here like a picture of misery." "Go." "Balthazar." " Yes, sir." "Who did you bring here?" "He doesn't play cards at all." "There's no one else there." "Except for Mr. Borman." "But he plays only common games." "Like whist." " He plays whist?" "He's a master in whist." " Get him here at once." "But he's only got his slippers, sir." "Slippers." "What should we do?" "Listen, go to my bedroom, take the tail coat from the wardrobe, you'll surely find a pair ofshoes, dress him up and get him here quick." "Good evening, sir." "Thank God, at least one is here." "Hurry up, this way." "Hullo." "What are you doing here?" "The tail coat almost fits." "Ah, the hat." "The shoes are too tight, though." "Will I have to dance?" " No, just play cards." "Red." "I can change it." "Diamonds, then." " You're such a cobbler." "If you don't know how to play, it's best you don't." "Let's call it quits and bring another player." "Yes, sir, as you wish." " Shuffle the cards." "Come now." "How did that poor fellow from catacombs get here?" "Ifyou wish to know" " We'll find out at once." "Excuse us." "I hope you are not bored, miss." " On the contrary, I am." "Listen, what are you doing here?" "You have a night shift downstairs." " Indeed." "You are not mistaken, sir, but the director invited me." "Any objections to that, gentlemen?" "We shall discuss it tomorrow in the office." "Are you a good whist player?" "The president himself will appraise the quality of the game." "But before we start, I would have one question for the president." "The word goes that everyone must let you win." "Nonsense." "You can't think I'm playing only to win every time." "Those are subordinate games and I don't like that sort." "Do sit down, sir." "And I'll show you how to play whist." "Ifyou say so, but I've ruined many gamblers." "I beg you." "Do sit down." "We can discuss after the game." "Asmall card" "It's my turn." "Stop pushing me." "Stop digging me, else they may think that it's a cons piracy." "So that you can see my hands." "Better card." "An interesting young man." " Where, madam?" "That one standing at the column." "That's Doctor Marek." " Doctor Marek." "Mr. Krystof, you must introduce us later." "With pleasure, madam." "Madam, allow me to introduce our clerk, Doctor Marek." "Pleased to meet you, sir." "Stop chatting here and go somewhere else." "The president here isn't doing well and you're disturbing him." "That's no use." " Ladies, please." "But" "I beg your pardon" " Leave us alone, please." "Who is my husband playing with?" "Who is that man?" "Excuse him, madam, it is our clerk from the catacombs." "Afine and hardworking fellow with a phenomenal memory." "Where have you met Nastya?" "I've spoken to her rather briefly, unfortunately, in the catacombs." "In the catacombs?" " That's our archive." "Did I hear a remorse in yourvoice?" "Did Nastya hurt you?" "Will you forgive me, madam, ifl do not answer your question?" "I thought so." "Nastya is very capricious." "I'm sure she did hurt you." "I'll have a word with her." "I beg your pardon, madam, but I shall gladly abandon such reproof." "Our young man is so proud, I like that." "Madam, sir, allow me to leave." "I shall not, I must know what is between you and Nastya." "Ifshe hurt you, she must make good any wrongdoing." "If madam wishes you to stay, than you should." "You are my guest, after all." "A guest in the full sense of the word, sir?" "Of course." "Irene, come here for a moment." "Yes, father?" " Attend to Doctor Marek, please." "With pleasure." "Shall we dance?" " Indeed." "That's a charming young man, that Doctor Marek." "I am surprised you're leaving him in those How do you call it?" "The catacombs." " In the catacombs." "That's the end of it." "This is not the end, it's just the beginning." "I haven't seen anyone playing whist so awfully for some twenty years." "Awfully?" "No one has ever said this to me, sir." "They didn't tell you many things, which they should have ages ago." "I'm not used to anyone stripping me in cards." "I want to enjoy the game." "You can enjoy yourselfand I'll get the money." "I can't play with you just for the fun." "I'd rather go catch snakes in the woods." "And what do you dislike about my playing?" "You can't play at all." "Seven." "It's alright with me." "Alright." "It's yours." "Continue." "Another mistake." "Again and again." "You must go under your opponent." "Take this king here." "He'll put a ten and I'll add an ace." "That's how it should look." "The main thing is to show one's colour, you should know that as the president, else you belong to old scrap." "That's a bit strong for me." " Stronger than you can take, eh?" "That's precisely it, everyone is afraid to tell you anything." "But I'm not, because I'll be retired in a few days, I don't care any more." "Excuse me, Mr. Borman, you know I'm getting to like you?" "You're an original." " You needn't call me names." "That's mine." "And now this." "Enough." "Now, me." "What's the matter?" " Mr. Borman, you must help us out." " What happened?" "Jarda is sick and he's wheezing." "You must fill in for him." "I don't have time." "We're playing, get out of here." "Trump, trump, and a seven." "You know I'm surprised how well you dance." "You thought I couldn't dance at all, when you saw me downstairs in the catacombs." "Well, I must say you were quite irresistible in that coat." "Stop frowning, I'm not laughing any more." "Will you answer one question?" " Yes." "Are you in love with Nastya?" "I see." "No answer is also an answer." "Congratulations to your social success." "Such an excellent dancer." "I instantly knew, what's in you." "Madam, I am embarrassed by your kind words of praise." "When I see you dancing, I am almost tempted." "Shall we dance, madam?" "I must ask Irene, ifshe lets me take away such a manlellous dancer." " Certainly, madam." "Very well, let us dance." "Doctor Marek seems very nice." "And he dances divinely." "Isn't he a charming man?" "It must be a tremendous feeling, if someone adores a woman." "They say that Doctor Marek adores you." "I haven't even noticed." "I feel giddy, you should attend to younger ladies as well, sir." "Thank you, madam, it was a great honour for me." "Why such an indignant look, my dear?" "Is it because I'm interested in your knight?" "May I congratulate you?" "You may." "Only if you don't have a liking in him." "Aliking in him?" "I hate him." "Doctor Marek." " What can I do foryou, miss?" "I thought you were looking for me." "Pardon me, I am not." "But I want you to look for me." "After what happened in the catacombs and here," "I hope you will understand me." " I see." "You want me to ask you to forgive me." "As you wish." "It is easy to forgive, yet hard to forget." "But yesterday, you wrote you loved me." "Yesterday." "But I want you to love me today." "Do you understand?" "I orderyou." "And what if I don't obey?" "What happened, Nastya?" "This gentlemen insulted me." " Insulted you?" "Yes.And I hope you will stand up for me." "Of course." "I hear complaints on you." "I am not aware of anything, sir." "If I cannot move freely as your guest that I beg leave." " As you wish, I shall not keep you." "Why is Doctor Marek leaving?" "He wasn't feeling well, madam, so he asked me if he could leave." "You've insulted him, Nastya, that's why he left." "Me?" "I certainly did not." "But I can't hold him, can I?" "But you should have held him, when you know of my interest in him." "Take the consequences yourself." "There's no need you apologize to him." "I shall visit him myself tomorrow." "Who have you seated next to me?" "Who have you seated next to me?" "He's not a player, he's a thief." "You don't have a notion about the fine nuances of the game." "I don't know what your nuances ofthe game are." "I play it straight." "And you're a lousy player." "What?" "A priest never repeats himself." "Let's call it quits, shall we?" "What will the president think?" "The president this, the president that." "Itake no measure in cards, a good player is all that counts." "Do you mean to say that I don't know how to play?" "Not only that." "You're playing like a ham actor." "I can tell you straight in the face." "Don't be angry." "I'm not angry." "I'm only angry when I play cards." "We must finish the game." "I won't let you win this time." "Only ifyou let me eat something." "And what about to drink something?" " I'd like." "Let's have some cognac together." " Alright." "Cognac." "Cognac." "Thank you." "May I?" " Oh yes." "Why so little to me and so much in your glass?" "The thing is, you have it every day and I only occasionally." " I see." "Into the eyes." "That's strong, isn't it?" "I buy a pint of spirits for a crown from our chemist but that can never compare with this." " For a crown?" "May I?" "How long have you been in the state senlice, Mr. Borman?" "Twenty-five years." "Twenty-five years." "Is the cognac good?" " And how!" "We can try another brand." "What's the matter with you?" "You're sitting on my hand." " Me?" "I thought I was caved-in." "Forgive me." "So, twenty-five years you said." "Yes, twenty-five years, sir." "And still a clerk?" " Constantly a clerk." "You don't get far without backstairs influence." "Besides, you know it yourself, don't you?" "When one has no aunt." "Though, not even three would help me." "I think, it could be done even without an aunt." "I might need you at the ministry." " Really?" "You are prudent." " I can play cards." "You could give us some advice." " Well, why not." "My first advice would be to monopolize the dyestuffs business." "Mainly red dye." " Red dye?" "So that we don't run out of red tape." "What an idea!" "Mr. Borman" "Do you still need me?" "We must finish the game." " Alright." "L'll arrange that." "I beg your pardon, sir." "Ladies and gentlemen, twinkle, twinkle little star, yearning hearts are all around." "With this simple introduction, we would like to express how honoured we are that you can see us in all our beauty, whereby we are meeting the wish and order of our dear director." "It is remarkable that you always get what you ask for." "And we, despite moaning in the dark catacombs, have managed to compose a jollyjumble ofour folk songs, which we shall sing to you under the appealing title:" "From the Doolally Limes and Grooves." "On one meadow with tall poplars, may the big band forgive us, in the dew and with merry tunes" "Johnny grazed his pair of bulls." "And all there's left of our love are just the fading memories." "I've got four dioptres on rny left eye and a twitch in the right to top it all." "And why?" "What for?" "How should I know?" "Because I'm from Middlebury the oakum-picker's son." "And why?" "What for?" "How should I know?" "Because I'm from Middlebury the oakum-picker's son." "I will jump on my horse, and in no time, I'll be back on my feet." "Because I was well trained I know, let me in the local YMCA." "God speed!" "When I was grazing my donkeys," "I said to myself, old chap, you can travel the world, with the songs of our folk." "You can travel the world, with the songs of our folk." "It took me seven long years to succeed," "but the donkeys were the ones that brought fame to my life." "But the donkeys were the ones that brought fame to my life." "Even me." "Even me." "Even me." "Even me." "Even me." "I played cards one day a riddance in my hand." "Two aces up my sleeve and lost all by chance." "I lost the riddance, even with renounce." "I played and I lost and paid two pence out of hand." "A double for four pence, a trump for ten." "And cinch for sixteen." "To every honest man." "You lost even more." "So why not have a pint of beer to cheer up the day." "Let's wash our dirty linen with the devilkins at spree." "Let the whole world sow its wild oats to bring us some glee." "That's what we wish to you all your mice from the catacombs." "Be so kind miss, I need a drink." "Give me a glass of red wine." " Yes." "That was excellent, congratulations, auditor." "Auditor?" " Indeed." "Auditor." "Me?" "Me?" "Crickey!" "The gents are sleeping it off." "What's the matter?" "Isn't it rather late for sweeping?" "Good morning." " Morning." "You should tell the director." "He dismissed me at three o'clock." "And senlice upstairs comes first." "Alright." "No harm was done." "Everything is in order." "That's how I like it." "Always in time." "That's how it should be." "Mr. Borman is next door, eh?" "He didn't come yet." " He didn't?" "And what's the time?" "Your clock seems a bit slow." "It's a quarter past nine." "And Mr. Borman isn't here yet." "I caught him at last." "Principal, Iwould like to ask you to kindly dismiss me from employment." "Dismiss you?" " Yes." "Nonsense." "I just wanted to propose your definite appointment." "I have serious reasons." " Stop it, that's sheer nonsense." "I need you." "You're a diligent and conscientious clerk." "Punctual." "Unfortunately, I cannot say the same about other staff." "Toreador, so brave, but beware, but beware" "Beware, eh?" "Did you sleep well?" "You're in a swell mood, aren't you?" "Had nice dreams, eh?" "I had a beautiful dream." "That I was appointed as the chief clerk." "That was a veryvivid dream." "It was so vivid that I dreamt Iwas appointed as the auditor." "No wonder that after such fancy dreams one comes to the office at a quarter past nine!" "Your watch must be wrong, because I have 28 minutes past nine." "On my watch." "On your watch?" " On the watch I won." "And I have half past nine now, 'cause you've been wondering for 2 minutes." "Even better, at half past nine, then." "And do you expect that your good principal, who usually shuts his eyes" "And who, if he could, would tell a person off." "And who can tell a person off." " Stop that nattering." "I beg you pardon!" "Don't pardon me and don't mess it up with me either, young man." "How dare you?" "Would you like a raise?" "Would you like a promotion?" "Give me your curriculum vitae and I'll put in a word for you upstairs." "Mr. Borman, I shall initiate disciplinary actions against you!" "You have to hurry up then." "I had a very pleasant game of cards yesterday." "Gurgling already, eh?" "The president is a splendid chap." "But a lousy card player." "Did you tell him that?" " I certainly did." "And you flew out the door, didn't you?" " I did, but up, up to the auditor." "And then we had some soup and had a great time chatting." "By the way, he also asked about the situation down here." "So, I mentioned a fellow called S\/kora." "You mean principal S/kora!" "I guess my mouth wouldn't hurt if I did say principal, but I didn't say so on purpose." "He'd think it's a good enough title and he wouldn't promote you." "To what?" "Did you speak about me?" " We surely did." "Auditor Borman, allow me to congratulate you to your promotion." "Crawling before already, are you?" "Before my highness, you footman." "This does not impress the principal." "Go." "Sir, allow me to congratulate you as well." "That shon delay, that's nothing, I won't hold it against you." "I'd advise you not to." "I hope you won't forget your good old principal." "And that you'll put in a word for me." " That depends on how you behave." "Principal, auditor Kefurt sends this." "It's important." "Isee." "Important." "Well, well, Mr. Marek!" "I thought it was your appointment and it's a complaint from upstairs." "Negligent, absolutely inefficient." "That's surprising." "But I am not aware of anything." " Shut up." "Mr. Kefurt and Mr. Hlinka ought to know." "You should be ashamed of yourself." " Correct." "You should be ashamed." "No." "You should be ashamed." "A minute ago, he was an excellent and diligent clerk." "And all of a sudden, he's good for nothing." "Principal, I ask you for my dismissal." "Very well, I acknowledge your request." "Keep turning, you old cock, keep turning with the wind." "But when you want me to put in a word for you, I won't say a word." "Oh no!" "Do you understand?" "I'll show you I have a backbone." "And I'll never bow to you." "You will." "And this is just the beginning!" "Right." "It is just the beginning." "Hullo!" "Director Krystof wants to speak with you." "You see!" "Yes, sir." "I telephoned Mr. Kefurt and Mr. Hlinka that Doctor Marek has been definitely appointed to their office." "Yes, sir." "I will arrange even/thing." "Did you get our notice?" "The complaint concerning Mr. Marek." "Dear Mr. Marek, if I said something yesterday, forget about it." "One is nervous." " One is also oven/worked." "You're very kind, gentlemen, but Iwas dismissed." "What?" "How could you dismiss him based on a mere notice?" "In such a case a reprimand is enough and the matter is settled." "Keep turning, you old cock, keep turning with the wind." "Forgive me, gentlemen, one sometimes loses one's temper." "No wonder, when one gets upset and irritated everyday with this gentleman, who not only comes late to the office, but whom is one forced to report for breaching the discipline!" "Report Mr. Borman?" "You exhibit surprising ignorance ofthe circumstances, a man ofyour age is not fit to be a principal." "Such a man should be retired." "What are you waiting for anyway?" "For them to pension you?" "I hope, sir, that you won't say no to a promotion." "It is decided." "I'm leaving." "Think it over, dear sir." "I already did, gentlemen, thank you." "Do you see what you've done!" " You shall bear the consequences!" "Good bye, dear Mr. Borman." " Good bye." "Good bye, friends." "Good bye." " Farewell." "Bang!" "And the old weather-cock is down." "What should I do, Mr. Borman?" " Go to hell." "I know." "But I have a family and the bonus meant a fortune for me." "What now?" "Mr. Borman, take over the agenda, I'm done." "What's the matter, Irene?" "When will you appoint the new secretary, daddy?" "As soon as possible." "Listen, couldn't you appoint Mr. Rudik by chance?" "What?" "Why so suddenly?" "It is not sudden." "Do you think it could be Mr. Rudik?" "Well, Ithink it could be Mr. Rudik." "Thank you so much." "Guests." "Dear Mr. Borman, I must say good bye to you and the catacombs." "I'm leaving." "I won't outlive that." "Is it necessary?" " It is." "I'll be upstairs at director's office where I'll take over the inventory." "If you need anything upstairs you know where to find me." "You mean like backstairs influence?" "I'll certainly turn to you." "And in case you're not in, you'll be out with the dustbin or the dog, eh?" "Go now, oryou'll make me sad." "You snowman." "Is Mr. Marek here?" "Would you kindly turn your head?" " I would not." "You know Mr. Marek, don't you?" "Tell me what he is like." "Afool." "A fool?" "Why?" "Because he fell in love with you." " Do you think so?" "But yesterday he treated me awfully." "Good for him." "You don't desenle anything else." "You're not very polite." " People say that." "And what makes you think that I don't desenle anything else?" "Listen, do you have a mother?" " No." "That's a pity." "She should've lived and thoroughly dust your backside." "You wish to make a man happy?" "Happy?" "You are out of your mind." "It is enough if I'm happy." "Manlellous." "You've said it manlellously." "But you must find a man, who would fit with your caprices." "Something between a fly and a nanny." "And don't play with a man like Marek, who is too good for you." " Is he a prince or what?" "A prince?" "He's more than a prince, because he has a heart." "A heart?" " I see, you don't know what it is." "You're content with a man, who has social standing, title and money." "But in life we need someone open-hearted by our side." "But you don't know that." "Here he is." "Talk to him." "Yet if he has brains and a firm backbone, you won't succeed." "I heard you wanted to leave your job because of me." "I didn't want to take it this far." "I'd like to make even/thing good." "You know what?" "I will askthe director to appoint you as his general secretary." "Would you like that?" "It seems you've taken into your head to continue with your insults." "Why are you angry at me?" "I really mean it sincerely." "Think about it." " I already did." "It's a pity, I would have liked to see you occasionally, when I become the director's wife." " You can't do that, Nastya." "At least something got to you." "Maybe you still like me." "Don't torture me, Nastya." "Will you accept my offer then?" " No, thank you." "Are you here in a serious discussion, Nastya?" "Not serious, yet rather interesting." "I came to see the catacombs." "I had to promise to the consul's family that I'll show them the palace." "You know that you've become a hero?" "I am almost sorry to deprive you ofsuch romantic surroundings." "I hope I shall succeed in securing your promotion." "What a pleasant surprise, ladies." "Good day." "Good day." "I've just learned from the consul's family, dear madam, that you are visiting our archive." "Actually, I am visiting Doctor Marek, in whom I have discovered a talented young man." "However, it seems you do not share my opinion." "On the contrary, madam, I assure you I shall take care of him." "The director told me yesterday that such a talented young man should be his secretary." "Really?" " Indeed, madam." "I received his references yesterday and as his qualification appraisal was so excellent, Iwant to propose him for the position of the secretary." "Thank you, my dear friend." "I am happy you did not fall short of my expectations." "You certainly must come for dinner." " I shall be honoured, madam." "Will you see me to my car, the staircase is too dark." "Farewell." " Good bye." " Madam." "That was very diplomatic of you, my dear." "Will you really appoint him as the general secretary?" "Is there anything else I could do?" "Irene, Nastya just told me she would marry me." "What do you say to that?" "That I will have a pretty and young mother." "No, you will be my friend." "However, I'll get a son-in-law, when you get married." "It won't happen so soon." "And what about Mr. Marek, with whom you danced all evening?" "Mr. Marek?" "Oh no!" " I wouldn't want him as my son-in-law." "Neither would I. He will be my secretary." " What?" "!" "Doctor Marek will be your secretary?" "But fater" "You promised that job to Mr. Rudik." " Alright, my dear." "Where are you going?" " Me?" "Upstairs." "And you downstairs, as I can see." "Wait, what did you mean by that?" "Me?" "I didn't mean anything at all." " I see, you didn't mean anything." "Anything at all." "But what will I say to Rudik now?" " Do you care about that man?" "I do." "I like him." "And if I tell him he won't get the job" "Even/thing will end." "That's the great selfless manly love." "Daddy, please, can't you change it?" "I'd like to." " You mustn't do it." "Because they'll pension you and I won't marry a pensioner." "That's the selfless womanly love." "That's enough." "You must explain it to Rudik." "Like this." "You must forgive me, but Daddy, tell him yourself, please." "Allow me, sir, to officially introduce myself." "My name is Jiri Rudik." "Oh, it's you?" " Yes." "Forgive me for yesterday, downstairs" "My daughter mentioned something." " And may I still hope?" "I trully wanted to, yet I was forced to select someone else." "Someone else?" "And you still gave me hope?" "I didn't know that father had already made his decision." "There's nothing Ican do." "The secretary position is occupied." "But I'm not talking about the job." " You're not?" "I was talking about you, Irene." " About me?" "Say upon my soul." "Upon my soul." "That's something different." "I decide such matters myself." "And do you say yes?" "And you, sir?" " I say yes as well." "Than you can appoint anyone you wish as your general secretary." "Most gladly, if I may." "Allow me to introduce my bride." "Is it true?" "Congratulations." "Congratulations, general director." " General?" "That's a small present for closing the Rybersky farm process." "Nastya, I'm the general director." " That's manlellous." "Do you have someone for the position of the general secretary?" "Your dear wife wishes me to appoint Doctor Marek to this position, he's a candidate." "A less capable man, who" "A candidate can't be a secretary." "That's not possible." "All ofa sudden, Mr. Marek is incapable." "But I now why." "Because the director, pardon me, the general director, wants to push his son-in-law in his place." "It won't be either Mr. Marek or your son-in-law." "We shall see what your wife has to say to that." "I'll talk to her myself." "Good bye." "She's capable of causing a small palace revolution." "We must occupy the job at once." "I have plenty of workto do down here that I don't know which way to turn and you've got your feet up upstairs, doing nothing." "And we down here do all the hard work foryou." "I beg your pardon." " Here you are." "I told you even/thing and now you can pension me," "I don't give a damn." "Iwas appointed as the auditor, 'cause I have a letter from the president." "Who, by the way, is a fine chap, but a lousy card player." "Come upstairs at once, auditor." "Oh, the president himself." "Of course, I'll be right there." "In a bonnet, I mean a moment." "Come in!" "Good day, sir." "What are you doing?" "I brought cards with me, just in case." "Mr. Borman, I appoint you as the general secretary." "That's how brain infection begins, I know that very well." "You will take up your duties immediately." "Am I really appointed as general secretary?" "Yes, you are." "Congratulations, general secretary." "Thank you." "Congratulations from me as well." "Thank you foryour confidence and I hope you won't break my confidence." "When should I begin?" " Immediately." "Good day." "I'll be damned, if I'm not telling the truth." "Borman is the general secretary." "Don't stand here, ladies, you're getting in my way." "I beg your pardon!" " Beg as you wish." "Come here, doctor." "This is unheard of, impossible." "You must become the general secretary." "I doubt that, ladies, because the general secretary has been appointed." "Who?" " Mr. Borman here." "What?" "I didn't know that!" "Coveryour wits, lady, I hope you won't beat me." "That can't be." "It must be cancelled." "I didn't fight for it." "But you shouldn't recommend Mr. Marek for that position." "As he confided in me that he is in love with Miss Nastya." "Are you in love with Nastya, sir?" "That changes the situation." "I cannot recommend your appointment now." "No one else needs a good secretary as Nastya." "Thankyou, Mr. Borman, if it weren't foryou, I would have surely made" "Something sheepish." "You really are a true original!" "Did I say something out of place?" "No, you said the truth." "Your boss couldn't have chosen better." "Will you accompany me to my husband?" " With pleasure, madam." "Well, a kiss!" "What is this, Nastya?" "I have a wonderful idea." "Idea?" "What idea?" "I've decided not to marry you." "That's a very good idea indeed." "And whom shall you marry?" "You will laugh." "Him." "No, Ishall not laugh." "I'll never pull strings for anyone." "You've cured me absolutely." "Mr. Borman, Itake my hat off to you and to what you've achieved." "And if you happen to need anything turn to me and your wife here." "Madam." "Malvina." "General Secretary, honourable guests, kindly listen out a simple wish from your humble subordinates." "May your stomach never rumble, may nightmares stay away, this is what we wish to you, your most humble minstrels." "Ifyou bear more words of praise at this hour ofthe day we wish you to advance to climb straight up the stairs." "May your manly chest rise with pride, when in a game ofwhist you get your card." "L'mjust a simple huntsman I don't know what to say." "Ifthe keeper finds me, he'd take away my pray." "Didn't I tell you a thousand times, that you have a place in my heart, that you have a place in my heart." "Didn't I tell you a thousand times, that you have a place in my heart, that you have a place in my heart." "The End"