"You've got to be joking." "Kenneth!" "Oh, God!" "Jesus!" "Sorry." "Sorry." "I didn't realise you were closing." "What?" "Oh." "I thought I'd fallen asleep in the bog in Cafe Benidorm again." "You haven't been to bed, have you?" "Have you got a ciggy?" "I don't smoke." "We took five bookings last night, and they're all waiting in Blow  Go." "What are you doing here, then?" "Pop off." "No point having a dog and barking yourself." "Good morning, Geoffrey." "Morning." "Did you sleep all right?" "I'm feeling..." "Not comfortable." "Oh, don't worry, Rubella." "It took me a while to get used to the beds here." "How did you sleep?" "Like a baby - wet and windy." "I don't remember doing that much sleeping, thanks to your snoring!" "That's my adenoids." "All us Maltbys suffer with them." "I don't!" "I had no sleep too." "I think maybe we can spend some time today - alone?" "Away from the hotel?" "Oh, what a good idea." "I think Ionela meant me and her." "Oh, yes, of course." "You young kids get off." "You don't want an old nag like me weighing you down." "No." "Well, shall we go get some breakfast?" "Oh, my cardigan!" "You don't need a cardigan." "It's boiling." "Of course she needs a cardie." "There's nowt on the lass." "Not like us, Bully Beef and Chips." "Oh, you've got to be joking!" "What's happened?" "The lift's stuck." "Oh, that's not good, is it?" "Oh, what are we going to do?" "Will you be quiet?" "I'm sorting it." "You're not sorting it." "You're just pressing all the buttons in the wrong order." "How can it be the wrong order?" "We're not moving." "Look, son, the last thing you want to do is to confuse it." "You know what happened to Willy Wonka." "His went up through the roof." "Mother, will you just calm down?" "How can I calm down?" "We could be stuck in here all day!" "Help!" "Help!" "Mother..." "Mother, for God's sake!" "Oh, I'm sorry, son." "Let's just keep calm." "The last thing we want to do in a situation like this is panic." "Help!" "Help!" "For God's sake, somebody help!" "We're gonna die!" "We're both gonna die!" "Help!" "For God's sake, somebody, help!" "Excuse me." "Buenos." "The lift, it has stopped working." "I had to walk down many stairs." "I am sure that this is not a problem for someone who is young and healthy." "Exactly, so for my fiance and his mother, it must have been terrible." "Do not tell me you are marrying that ugly, angry fat man?" "Geoffrey's not angry." "He's very clever, and you are very rude." "What's going on here?" "Your lift, like your staff, is how you say...out of order." "Fair point well made." "Get on the phone and ring that lift company now!" "In Romania, we have a proverb:" "it is better to choose the successful man with a large stomach over a poor husband who has muscles." "In Spain, we have a saying also: do not try to dig for gold in a field of doggy-do." "I tell you what, Jacqueline, these last few days with you have been a real delight." "Oh, that's nice." "And don't try telling me you haven't enjoyed getting out and about." "Well..." "But today is a day for calm, quiet thinking." "Ah, yes!" "A day when all we do is serenely reflect on our relationships with Rhiannon and Donald and bask in our new-found friendship." "Aww..." "That sounds lovely." "Today, we are not leaving these sunbeds." "I'm going to e-mail Rhiannon at our place in France." "Have you ever experienced a French gite?" "What, do you mean like when you've eaten too many croissants?" "Er...no." "It's basically a French cottage." "We find it very relaxing." "Oh!" "Donald went cottaging in France one summer with his friend, Martin "Lucky" James." "He said it was lovely, but I don't remember him using the word "relaxing"." "Oh, there's no way you wouldn't like this place, Jacqueline." "I'd show you photos, but I can't seem to get the damned Internet working." "You're not trying to get on the Internet, are you, mate?" "Yeah." "I wouldn't bother." "The Wi-Fi's been down all morning." "I'm going to nip into town and get a dongle." "Oh!" "Would you get one for me?" "My husband's not back for another day or two." "Ladies and gentlemen, apologies about the Internet." "We've got the telecoms men coming and the engineers are on the way to sort the lift." "Get a couple of cocktails down your neck and just chill out!" "Miss Temple-Savage, you are OK?" "That woman has all the public relations skills of Mao Zedong." "You are staying here long before your next job?" "Between you and me, Mateo, I don't have a next job." "Os dia!" "But you said..." "I know what I said, but who's going to give me a job at my age?" "Crystal Hennessy-Vass basically ended my career." "That bastard!" "Well, I'm not exactly a fan, but steady on." "She's still your boss." "No, that bastard." "Hello, mate." "How's it going?" "What are you doing here and why do you wearing this T-shirt?" "Os dio!" "Argh!" "Janey!" "Janey!" "Argh!" "Do not struggle." "Resistance is fertile." "Get off!" "What the bleeding hell is going on here?" "!" "This asshole has been here before." "Now he's a poser to be a member of staff." "I'm not a poser." "Posing!" "Are you all right?" "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks, Auntie Janey." "The last time he was here, he - What did you say?" "This is Jason, my nephew, and the new Solana head barman." "Janey, putting our differences aside, I really must protest." "You cannot hire this man." "He's a professional con artist!" "What has it got to do with you?" "But Janey, it is true." "He stole money and wristbands and girls." "Girls?" "I mean money and wristbands." "Come on, Mateo, what sort of way is that to treat an old friend?" "Calm down, fella." "It's true, Janey." "Whether he's your nephew or not, the fact is he was stealing from this hotel." "And it's also a fact that blood is thicker than water and that my Jason is the finest cocktail maker from here to the Wirral." "Thanks, Auntie Janey." "That's really sweet." "And anyone got a problem with that can take it up with the manager." "But, Janey, you are the manager." "You never got any brighter while I was away, did you?" "Get back to work, the lot of you!" "Are you sure you haven't got any food?" "Check your bag." "I've got nothing, son." "I had a packet of them crisp things from the plane, but I took them out of my bag." "I'd have thought Rubella would have raised the alarm by now." "Mother, her name's not Rubella." "I thought that was strange." "Is it her nickname?" "No, it's not." "It's " "It don't matter." "Still, it's strange she hasn't let anyone know we're here." "Why don't you just come out with it, Mam, say what's bothering you?" "Well, I just don't think she's the right girl for you." "And on what hard evidence are you basing this wild supposition?" "It's not superstition!" "The Maltby gut is never wrong." "Last time I had this feeling, I ignored it, and three weeks later, bang!" "9/11." "Incredible." "I don't know how you do it." "It's a gift." "All I'm saying, son, is there's something going on with her, Rubella, something I can't put my finger on." "You don't know her like I do." "We chatted on line for weeks." "She's had a really traumatic childhood." "Has she?" "Yeah." "Just give her a chance." "Don't be so quick to judge." "You don't know what secrets people are carrying around with them." "You, more than most people, should know that." "Meaning what?" "You don't want to discuss it now, do you?" "Well, that's up to you, son." "We're not going anywhere." "Oh, hello, sir." "I wonder if you've ever been interested in " "No, I ain't." "Hello, sir." "Have you ever thought of a holiday home on the Costa Blanca?" "It's you!" "You what?" "You don't remember me, do you?" "Yeah." "You just walked past me a second ago." "No, I don't mean that." "# Should I stay or should I go now?" "# Should I stay or should I go now?" "I think you should probably go." "# If I go, there will be trouble" "# If I stay, there will be double" "Have you got someone I can call to collect you?" "All right, what about this one?" "# Come on, Eileen" "♪ Oh, I swear what it means ♪" "You are Melanie O'Mara, Thistle Mead Junior School, Winchmore Hill?" "Oh, my God!" "Specky Clive!" "What?" "Specky Clive, is that really you?" "I don't believe it." "I didn't know people called me Specky Clive." "Oh, no, they didn't." "That was just me." "Oh." "Everyone else called you Pigsy." "Pigsy?" "Yeah." "You know, from the television series, Monkey." "Well, that or Penfold or Morocco Mole or" "Toad of Toad Hall!" "Yeah, yeah, all right." "I get the picture." "So, what are you doing here?" "I'm on holiday." "Oh, Specky Clive." "I don't believe it." "Er...do you mind not calling me that?" "So...er...how are you?" "You're looking great!" "Really?" "You here with your family?" "I'm here with my son." "Right." "Married?" "Separated." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm not!" "Working?" "I work in the building game." "You're in construction?" "You're joking!" "I'm in property development, as you can see." "Listen, Clive..." "I've got something you might be interested in." "Have you?" "Yeah." "We could chat about it if you've got some time." "Yeah, maybe over a few drinks." "How about a couple of jugs...of sangria?" "Sounds good." "Sounds good." "What is it?" "Well, it's a kind of fruit punch made out of red wine." "No, what is it you wanted to chat about?" "Oh, right!" "Well, we've got these villas, bank repossessions." "Now, they're no good for your average punter, but for someone like you, who knows what they're doing, they're a steal." "Now, I don't know if you're in a position to buy, but they're worth a look at." "Where are they." "They're in Finestrat." "Ten minutes away in a car." "Lead the way." "I always knew Specky Clive would make something of himself." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Come on." "Right, that's it." "I've done four wash and blow drys and that's me done for the day." "Did you bring me any cigs?" "Did you not hear me?" "Did you not hear me?" "I'm gasping here!" "I said I'm not doing any more work today." "Oh, I don't believe you, love." "Gorgeous day today." "Kenneth, this is no way to run a business." "Have you not been to bed yet?" "My head is banging!" "Last time I saw you, you were in a taxi on the way to the Peppermint Lounge." "Oh, please!" "I prefer to learn about my socialising in the society columns of the local press." "Liam, three cocktails, love." "We can't run a business like this." "What's wrong with him?" "No idea." "I'm warning you, keep your nose clean while you're here." "Oh, come on, Auntie Janey, you don't believe them, do you?" "How long have I known you?" "All my life." "Yeah, so don't try and shit a shitter." "I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you." "So why'd you give me the job?" "Because you're family and we stick together." "Right, off you go." "Oh, Jason, give that to Temple-Savage, will you?" "I forgot." "What is it?" "A shepherd's pie." "It's a letter dick head!" "Are you sure your mother didn't drop you on your head when you were a kid?" "What's it about?" "What do you think I am?" "The man with X-ray eyes?" "Hey, what are you doing?" "It's from the Luxor Spa And Resort." "I've heard of that." "It's up in Altea Hills." "It's five-star." ""Knowing the amazing job you have done turning around the fortunes of the Solana, we would therefore love to meet you with a view to offering the position of hotel manager of the Luxor Spa And Resort."" "The jammy cow! "We would therefore love to meet you."" "They've never met her." "They don't even know what she looks like." "So?" "So, you roll up, say they got the name wrong," "Temple-Savage got the boot ages ago and it's you who saved the Solana." "Oh!" "Shut the door on the way out, son." "I've got a phone call to make." "And then, the day Ionela's father came out of prison, her mother died." "On the same day?" "Same day." "He couldn't get work with a criminal record, so that's when she was put up for adoption." "So, you see, Mam, we're not all that different, are we?" "I don't know what you mean." "Come on, Mam." "I do know." "You do?" "Of course I do." "I've always known." "Really?" "Yeah, really." "How did you find out?" "Auntie Doreen told me years ago." "No big deal." "Of course it's a big deal!" "I wanted to tell you, well... when you were older, and then all of a sudden, you were older and, well..." "I'm so sorry, son." "Don't be daft." "Hey, you're still the same person." "You're still me mam." "I don't know what to say, son." "What can you say?" "Shit happens." "We'd been trying for a baby for years, and it didn't look as though anything was going to happen and time was running out, son." "And the ironic thing is that six months after we adopted you" "I fell pregnant with Pauline." "What?" "I said, after all the rigmarole, of " "That's not what you were talking about, is it?" "No, I was..." "I was talking about you having been in prison." "Prison?" "I've never been in prison." "Auntie Doreen said you had." "She must have got it wrong." "Me and your father were given a suspended sentence for taking the Christmas club money." "Except I knew nothing about it." "It was your fa" "It was your father." "I'm so sorry." "I should probably warn you about my business partner, Monty." "He's proper old-school." "He'll probably try and give you the hard sell, but don't worry though, I'll tell him you're here as a friend." "Oh!" "That's him now." "Yeah?" "I'm outside." "Keep your hair on, will you?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Can you hear me?" "Yeah, we've hit the jackpot with this one." "I used to go to school with him." "Complete idiot." "Yeah, and he's got money." "Is that another ice cream?" "You've only just finished one." "So what?" "I'm on my holidays." "It's never quite the same, a second ice cream, like a second cup of tea - just takes the edge off it." "You should have put a flake in it like the first one." "Don't be ridiculous!" "I'm not a pig!" "Where did my dad go again?" "He's gone to buy something for his laptop or something, but you know what he's like." "He'll probably come back with a brand new car." "I don't think so." "He's stupid, but he's not THAT stupid." "Ah, Monty, this is Clive, an old school friend, now a construction tycoon." "I wouldn't go that far." "Montgomery Evans." "Welcome to paradise" "Yeah, it looks like it." "Oh, don't be fooled, my friend." "This is a goldmine for the right buyer, but I'm sure I don't need to tell you that." "Shall we?" "What?" "Nothing." "It's just sad to see a beautiful woman to bring her own drinks, ignored by her fiance this way." "My fiance is an important man." "He's out on business." "For sure." "What business does this guy have?" "He comes here on holiday with his mother." "You do not know about business, but how can you?" "You are just a barman." "Hey, I have been here many years." "I come when I want and I go when I want." "I am my own boss." "Mateo, get those empty crates shifted." "And give this bar a wipe down." "It's filthy!" "Do it yourself." "I answer to no man." "Actually, you answer to one man - me." "Janey made me bar manager." "Remember?" "And give this shirt a wash." "I've worked up quite a sweat." "Madame, if you'd like to take your seat, I'll bring your drink to you." "I think I should eat something." "Yeah." "You'll waste away." "I didn't eat anything all yesterday." "Oh, apart from that donner meat pizza from Ariano's at 5:00am this morning." "Did I?" "Yeah." "You took a picture of it and sent it to everyone in your phonebook." "Really?" "Oh, I must stop doing that." "It's costing me a fortune." "Oh, he's looking at you again, the good-looking one." "Well, tell him to buy me a drink first." "I'm not the slag my hot pants would suggest." "Not you." "Annie." "I'm looking for a man, not a boy." "Right on cue." "Allow me." "And if you need anything else, just let me know." "Looks like you got the pick of the bunch." "What can I say?" "Look up the word irresistible in the dictionary and you'll see two words:" "Kenneth du Beke." "It seems like a lot of work on the face of it, but basically it's just snagging for a man of your experience." "Snagging?" "You've got no walls." "Oh, no walls, no roof, no electricity, no plumbing, no pool, but if you've got the resources to finish this place, you've got a three-bedroom villa with mountain views for 120,000." "And that's supposed to be cheap, is it?" "Well, you pay more than that for the land!" "Or we give it to Clive for the cost price." "Sorry, Melanie, just for a moment, I thought you said the cost price." "Well, we've got to do something!" "Well, call me a traditionalist, but I do have a soft spot for making something we used to have in the '80s." "It's called a profit." "Well, we could look at it as a loss leader." "You can call it what you like, Melanie, but you know what my wife and kids are like, always crying out for luxuries, like food and shoes." "What's the cost price?" "60,000 euros." "90,000 " "Melanie, have you completely lost your tiny mind?" "I told you, Clive's an old mate." "Well, why don't we throw in my 4x4 as well?" "If you hold my jacket, I'll give him the shirt off my back." "Look, I'm going to be honest with you." "We're in deep trouble." "Instead of selling these on behalf of the bank, we bought the lot." "Now, we got them for a ridiculous price, but we can't shift them." "We just need one finished, and then I know we'll be fighting people off." "Melanie, how many times have I got to say this?" "We cannot sell houses for no profit." "I'll forfeit any of my profit on all future house sales." "I want out, Monty!" "I can't sleep at night, and this is the only way forward." "60,000." "If you spend 20,000 on it, there's still 100 grand in it for you, minimum." "I'll do all the marketing to sell it." "Let me have another look around." "Jacqueline, I'm looking for a personal hot spot." "Oh, yeah?" "There's one called BigMan32." "I'm trying to figure out where it is." "It's not in the old town, is it?" "No." "It has to be here somewhere." "BigMan32." "It must be someone within touching distance, but I can't approach every big man in his early 30s." "No." "You'd be at it all day!" "Unfortunately, gone are the times when you could piggyback without people knowing." "They all use passwords now." "Do they?" "Oh, yeah." "What about that fella over there?" "Hmm..." "A possibility." "Do you think he fits the description of a big man?" "I can't tell." "He's lying on his front." "Hmm..." "The problem is I feel embarrassed asking him for a connection." "Oh, I could ask him for you." "No." "I've never found it easy to solicit strangers." "I'll wait." "If that chap brings you a dongle, perhaps I could use it first." "As long as you give it a good rinse when you're finished with it." "Of course." "This one secures the sale and agrees to pay us the £5,000 deposit within three days." "That shouldn't be a problem." "I'll do an on-line transfer this afternoon, as soon as I get a dongle for my laptop." "It also states you have full access to the house from tomorrow morning for the purpose of repairs." "Right." "What about those jugs?" "I'm sorry." "The contract only covers access to the house." "What?" "Clive and I were going to have a bit of a catch up over a sangria or two." "Oh!" "I see!" "Well, it's a pleasure doing business with you, Mr Dyke, a genuine pleasure." "I'll give you a full debriefing on the property in the car on the way back to Benidorm." "Can I borrow your tape measure?" "I'm going to have one last look round." "Consider it a housewarming gift." "I'll be waiting for you in the car." "No worries." "Yes!" "Five grand!" "Look, shut up." "He'll hear you." "Oh, God!" "You're brilliant!" "Don't you be long, and make sure he keeps his hands to himself." "Oh, please!" "You're joking!" "I reckon we can squeeze another ten grand out of him before he finds out it's worthless." "Another ten grand?" "Oh, yeah." "No buffet at Mr Wu's for us tonight." "We are going a la carte at the China garden." "Seriously?" "Oh, yeah." "Chips and rice for us tonight, Melanie." "Chips AND rice!" "Ooh!" "I can't believe you lied." "I never lied." "I just didn't tell you." "I suppose I thought if you found out, you'd want to try and find your real mum, and then I thought I might lose you." "And you mean everything to me." "No!" "I mean about you having no food." "I told you to double-check your bag." "Meanwhile, we're both sitting here, wasting away." "Well, I don't think a mini pack of.." "Porky Pretzels would make a lot of difference." ""A unique taste explosion of New York pretzel and prime pork scratching."" "They sound disgusting." "What are you doing?" "!" "I'm sorry, son." "You only did what you thought was right." "Sometimes the severity of a situation doesn't hit you till much later." "I was talking about pork scratchings." "So was I." "I love you, son." "My son." "I love you too, Mam." "Now, how are we going to get out of here?" "Well, some situations call for dignity and patience." "Others require two grown adults to scream like scalded cats." "After three?" "One, two, three." "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Hola?" "Mum, mum..." "Oh, salvation!" "Hey...maybe today was meant to happen." "I mean, if the lift hadn't stopped, you might never have told me." "I always felt sure something would happen to make me tell you eventually." "A long-lost relative on the doorstep or a knackered kidney." "I hadn't thought of that." "I don't mind you looking for your real mum." "I'll help you to do it, son, if that's what you want." "But it isn't, Mam." "For now, all I want to do is get out of here and get some dinner." "And after that, well..." "You're my mam, nobody else." "And I'm sorry for what I said about Rubella." "I'm not." "I think you've got a point though." "Really?" "Yeah." "All this talk about marriage and kids." "Sometimes, you've got to stand still for a long time before you realise you're moving too fast." "Oh, sorry, mate." "I didn't have a chance to get your dongle." "I ended up going to the Internet cafe across the road." "No fear, my friend." "I made alternative arrangements with BigMan32." "Oh, yeah?" "He's paired for unlimited access to his hotspot." "I'll leave you to it, I think." "Buenas tardes, as we say in Espana." "Where have you been?" "Did you get the Internet sorted?" "I got more than that." "Holiday home." "What do you think?" "Ooh, lovely!" "Oh, don't tell me you want one?" "Want one?" "I just bought one." "What?" "!" "Well, I put a deposit down on one anyway." "So, what do you think?" "Amazing!" "Have you spoken to Mum about it?" "No." "This was an executive decision." "I tend to do those on my own." "If you're waiting for a tip, you'll be standing there a while." "I don't want a tip, but I'll give you one." "That's that unfinished urbanisation up near Finestrat, isn't it?" "Yeah, that's the one." "You bought an 'ouse that isn't finished?" "I don't expect you'll remember, son, but actually, I'm a builder." "You'll need more than a builder for this one, pal." "More like a solicitor." "This one is a disaster zone." "I saw it on the DIY SOS Spanish Special." "No planning permission." "It's been all over the local news for the past year." "Oh, good luck in getting that deposit back." "Hooh-hooh!" "# Dream lover, until then" "# I'll go to sleep and dream again" "# Cos I want" "# A girl" "# To call" "# My own" "# I want a dream lover" "# So I don't have to dream alone" "♪ I beg you, don't make me dream alone ♪" "Thank you, Tiger, there with Dream Lover." "Now, back by popular demand," "Benidorm's very own Leroy C and his Motown Memories!" "Wooh!" "You were great!" "# I never met a girl who makes me feel the way that you do" "♪ You're all right ♪" "Where's my dad?" "He went to make a phone call." "I don't think I'm making myself clear." "I understand you have reservations, but you have signed a legally binding contract." "Yeah, for a place that's built on land you don't own." "It's all over the Internet." "You've got no planning permission." "Er..." "Mr Dyke, you have my word that this small discrepancy will all blow over." "Blow over?" "!" "You don't own the land your houses are built on." "You're not familiar with Spanish law, are you, Mr Dyke?" "A small minor detail like this will all be sorted within a year or two." "A year or two?" "!" "Don't worry." "It's not all bad news." "Your £5,000 deposit hit our account this afternoon, so your holiday home in the sun is secured." "The only thing that's going to be secure are my hands around your bleeding neck." "Hello?" "Er...you're breaking up." "I'm going to be at that shit-tip of a building site of yours at 10:00 tomorrow morning, and if you ain't there..." "Mr Dyke, I can't hear a word you're saying." "I'm currently driving down to Alicante for dinner with some friends and the signal is very bad." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Hello!" "Hello?" "Hello" "Bastard!" "Sorry, not you." "# If you want to play hide-and-seek with my love" "# Let me remind you # It's all right" "♪ But the lovin' you're gonna miss and the time it takes to find you ♪" "That's it." "It's all sorted." "The deal's done." "The Luxor have checked my references." "The job's mine, and we start on Wednesday." "Amazing!" "Oh, and there's a suite in your name from tonight until they sort out our accommodation." "Thanks, Auntie Janey." "Oh..." "Hey, have you handed in your notice here?" "I've left Hennessy-Vass a message." "The amount of money she was paying me, she's lucky she had me working here for as long as she did." "I'm going to put that poor cow out of her misery." "Come on." "Oi!" "We're off." "I beg your pardon?" "It's not working out for me here." "I'm sorry." "Your horrible accent aside, I still have no idea what you're talking about." "I've got another job." "Me and Jason are leaving." "You can't just leave!" "Are you ready?" "I'm going to Jumping Jack's for a celebratory drink." "Are you coming?" "Maybe in a bit." "I'm just in the middle of something." "All right." "Well, don't hang around too much." "For someone who's just got her job back, she's not taking it too well." "Sorry about that." "Just a bit of business about a five-star hotel in Altea I'm involved with." "Right, where were we?" "I was saying my fiance will be back soon." "Oh, yeah." "Where's he gone again?" "I'm not sure." "He has been out all the day." "Well, I'll just have to look after you until he gets back, then." "You missed me singing!" "What can I say?" "I'll get over it." "Oi!" "There's no need to be like that!" "It ain't his fault you bought a house built out of Lego." "It's not what it's built out of, it's what it's built on." "Sorry, son." "Whatever." "It sounds like you've been stitched up." "Yeah, well, I ain't gonna take it lying down." "What are you going to do?" "I'm going to sleep on it." "How are you going to sleep on it without lying down?" "And you wonder why you're single?" "# To find out where we'll be" "♪ You can't help, but hear a little music... ♪" "You look like a girl who's used to a bit of five-star luxury." "I do enjoy the finer things in life." "Of course you do." "Listen, if your fella doesn't come back tonight," "I'd always find you somewhere in my hotel, the Luxor." "Your hotel?" "I thought you were a barman?" "You're joking, aren't you?" "Have you ever heard of that programme, Undercover Boss?" "♪ Come on over to my place ♪" "Geoffrey, where have you been?" "We've been knocking on your door." "I thought you might have organised a press conference or something to help find us." "Why would I need to do that?" "You've not seen us since this morning." "Remember?" "Of course, but it is you who did not call me while you were out." "The lift stuck." "I know." "I was the one who told the hotel." "It stuck before we got a chance to get out of it." "What?" "!" "You have been in there all this time?" "Yeah." "Yeah, we have." "Oh, my goodness!" "Well, where did you think we'd got to?" "I thought you must be engaging in important business." "Yeah, about that..." "We need to talk." "I'll get us some drinks." "The thing is, I'm not a businessman." "I'm unemployed." "At the moment." "What has happened?" "Something has happened today, yes?" "The merger of your company, it did not go through?" "Because you were stuck in the lift?" "There is no company." "I don't live in a mansion." "You do not have eight bathrooms?" "No." "I've got one." "And that's not working at the moment." "You have to pull the ballcock up by hand to get a complete flush." "I don't understand." "When you want the cistern to fill up with water, you have to " "No, I mean why did you lie?" "I just got carried away." "Geoff, none of these things matter when two people are in love." "That's what I think." "And one day, you will be in love with someone, and she will not care that you have no job and no money." "Right." "But, Geoffrey, for me, you must understand all of these things are very important." "Yeah, I know they are." "So?" "Where does this leave us?" "I mean, we're leaving tomorrow." "I will make other arrangements." "I can't just leave you here in Benidorm." "You don't know anybody." "Please, Geoffrey, do not worry about me." "I will go now and collect my things." "Ionela..." "I just need to know one thing." "Did you even like me?" "Good luck, Geoffrey." "Please understand my decision." "As well as financial security for me, children are also important." "I am sorry about your broken ballcock, Geoffrey, but at least you are already blessed with a family." "Yeah, you got that right." "Are you OK, son?" "What did she have to say?" "You were right." "She's not the one for me." "I'm sorry, son." "I know." "It's been quite a holiday, hasn't it?" "I think I'm ready to go home." "Yeah." "Me too." "Before we do that, do you mind if I ask you something?" "You can ask me anything, son, and I promise, from now on, I'll always give you an honest answer." "Do you want to dance?" "She's not my PA." "She's my mam." "Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells"