"CHARLIE:" "That'swhat's good about a beer." "FRANK:" "Yeah,it 'sgood." "Itjustkeepscycling through you..." "MAC:" "Guys,guys,guys,guys !" "We got news." "We've got terrible news." "DENNIS:" "Yeah." "Whatdoyougot ?" "Okay,youknowthatChinese fish factory across the street?" "The one with the horrible smell?" "Ugh." "Yeah." "DEE:" "Yeah." "Of course." "Disgusting." "Beenthereforever?" "They'veinstalledsecurity cameras pointed directly at Paddy's." "Yeah." "What?" "They'repointingthematus?" "Yes." "Theycan'tdo that." "That'sbullshit!" "What, are they spying on us?" "Yes,dude,Ithinkthey 're spying on us, and you know what else?" "They bought the building next door and they are expanding like crazy." "I'm telling you, it is only a matter of time before the Chinese take us over." "Oh,they'vealwaysbeenvery  secretive for a fish factory." "Anddoyoueverfeel like  maybe they're using that fish smell to cover up, like, maybe some other mysterious smell?" "Mmm." "It is an incredibly strong smell." "It's turned me off of fish." "Me,too!" "That'ssobad." "Oh,I 'moffof fish." "AndI usedto eatsomuch  fish, guys, I mean..." "Ilovefish." "'Causefishhasall the  good fatty acids, right?" "Agoodfish,asolidfish?" "Protein,omeganumbers..." "Somanyomegas--threes, fours and fives." "Meltsinyourmouth." "Yougetto eatall your scales." "Don'teatthescales." "No,youdon'teat the scales." "Youknow,youdon 'tget  scales unless it's a fish or a reptile." "You got to get them..." "Don'teatreptiles." "Yeah,noteatingall  reptiles, just the good ones." "Okay,guys,we gotaplan ." "Dee, come with us." "Yeah." "You'regonnahelp us gather intel." "Okay." "Let'sdoit ,comeon." "Thereshegoes." "Let'sgo." "Allright,andthen,uh,what do Frank and I do?" "Well,youguysjusthang  back, uh, do your thing." "Don't eat reptiles and just hang out." "What?" "What,you 'regoing with Dee over us?" "Right." "Yeah." "I-Isthis'causeyou guys have been living at her place ever since your fire?" "You know what I mean?" "I feel like you burn your place down, you move into Dee's, and now you're, like, getting all buddy-buddy..." "Yeah." "Yeah,chummy-chummy." "Yeah,I-Iguessso." "You know, if you need." "That'scrazy!" "Dee over us?" "I mean, you can't count on her." "You're completely unreliable, Dee, really." "You're, like, all gangly and uncoordinated." "And she's constantly gonna back-sass you." "Oh,she'llarguewith everything you say." "Youknow,it 'sbullshit." "No,youknowwhat'sbullshit?" "Me getting boxed out all the time." "And these guys have finally realized, by living with me, that old Dee is pretty cool after all, and pretty funny, too." "So maybe I shouldn't be the butt of everybody's jokes anymore." "Let's..." "let'snotget crazy, Dee." "Yeah,you'realwaysgonnabe the butt of our jokes." "Whatever,let'sroll." "Yeah,we'restillgonnamake  jokes at your expense." "That'sokay,let'sgo." "Allright." "Yeah,uh...justhang." "Uh, we're good." "Huh?" "Whatthehellwas that?" "Somethingstinkshere," "Charlie, and it ain't just the fish." "Dude,theotherday ,Iwas trying to get in the back office..." "Yeah?" "Dennishadthedoorlocked." "Maclockedthedoor,too!" "Whatisthat?" "Wholockstheofficedoor ?" "Ifeellikethey'realways sneaking around now, and they're all, like, nervous." "Somethingbigis definitely going down." "Igotaplan." "Youknowwhat?" "How about you and I spy on that Chinese factory?" "Yeah,but,Charlie,Itrust the Chinese as far as I could throw their factory." "Mm-hmm." "Buttherealthreatisn't abroad, Charlie; it's right here at home." "We got to spy on Mac and Dennis." "♪ ♪" "(Dennis gags)" "Oh,God,thatsmell!" "Whew!" "Theairqualityinhere is terrible!" "How do these people survive in this?" "Oof." "Well, you know the Chinese." "It's like, business first, breathing second, goddamn it!" "At least we know that it's a real fish factory, not some sort of a front for something." "Well..." "Well,Dee,we don'tknowthat  for sure, okay?" "And that's why you got to get a job here." "Igotto getajobhere?" "What am I looking for?" "Shadypractices,youknow?" "Sketchy dealings." "Schematics." "Uh,humanrightsviolations, anything, Dee." "Just-just, you know, gather intel." "Okay." "What are you guys gonna do?" "Dee,you'reon aneed-to-know basis here, okay?" "There's a chain of command here, okay?" "You're at the very bottom." "You'rewaydown." "Yeah." "Well,atleasttellmewhat the whole plan is." "Dee,theonetimewebring  you in on a thing instead of Charlie and all we get is back-sass and questions?" "Do you want to be on the team or not?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I want to be part of the team, okay?" "Yes, sorry." "So how do I gather the intel?" "Oh,JesusChri..." "Talk to people." "I don't know, flirt with the manager." "He'll love how "pretty" and "blonde" you are." "Don'tdothat." "I'm blonde." "Look,mymindgoestothat office up there, you know?" "What kind of shady shit's going on in there?" "And now I'm doing your job for you." "You know what, let's just go get Charlie, 'cause I don't want to hold her hand through the whole process." "No,no,no ,no ,no ,no ,no ." "No Charlie." "No Charlie, okay?" "I got this, you guys, I got this." "Don't worry about me, I got this." "Okay,weneedyou ,Dee ." "Go." "Go." "Go." "Itsucksnothavingourown apartment." "We got to get back in there, dude." "Iknow." "IhateDee." "Dennis, I hate her." "Iknow,Iknow,butatleast we got her out of our hair for a little while." "Yeah." "Wecanfinallydoourplan." "Yes,okay." "(knocking at door)" "Oh, goddamn it." "Whatisthat?" "Goddamnit!" "Allright,look ." "Let's just deal with it, and then we can get back to business." "Yeah,okay." "All right, all right." "(knocking continues) I'mcoming!" "I'm coming, Jesus Christ... oh." "Hey,guys." "Whatdoyouwant,Charlie?" "We're busy." "Iwantedto apologizeabout, um, snapping earlier today with words at you guys, and then I came here to make an apology... apology words." "What'shetalkingabout?" "I-Idon'tknow." "I don't remember." "Okay, thank you." "Well,hangon !" "Hang on a second." "I got you guys a flower arrangement for you." "Great." "Thanks." "Giveitto him." "Youcan'tjusthaveit." "There's a plan." "I have to come in and give it to you." "And put it down." "Allright,fine." "Come in, put them down and then go." "Okay,andI'min." "He'sin." "Okay." "Uh..." "Putthevaseclosetothem,  so we can see them." "Right." "Okay...andgood." "And where are you guys spending the most of your time?" "It'sa verysmallapartment." "We're all over the place." "Just put them anywhere." "AndI 'llputthemdownright here, then." "No." "Nogood,movethem ." "Can'tputthemhere,though." "(quiet chatter over earpiece)" "Where can I put them?" "Dude,any...puttheminthe trash, for all we care." "I don't..." "Putting them a little further back, so..." "Yeah,that'sgood." "Andrightabouthere." "Uh,great,we don'tcare." "It's fine." "No,totheleft." "Totheleft,you say ?" "Didn'tsaythat." "Don'ttalkoutloudtome ." "Rogerthat." "Who'sRoger?" "Who'sRoger?" "Just... thinking about legally changing my name to Roger." "What'swrongwithyourear,  dude?" "S...spidercrawledupinmy  ear." "It was living there." "Right." "Sendsitsthoughtstome." "Isittellingyou toleave?" "Spider,canIleave?" "Totheleft." "Right there, that's good." "Now get out of there." "Okay." "Oh,JesusChr..." "Let'sgetbacktobusiness, please." "Yeah,comeon ." "I was doing a little research earlier, and I stumbled upon something huge." "Hey,man." "Can you hear and see everything?" "They'retalkingabout research." "Research,huh?" "Itiseverythingthatwe've been looking for." "Dude, it's gonna save us so much time." "It is a game-changer." "Check this out." "Oh,myGod." "Yeah." "There'ssomuchpotential here!" "Whatisit ?" "Thisisgreat!" "Ican'tsee." "Yeah,shit." "So,listen,do me afavor." "Give me a little bit of time with this, okay?" "Let me dig in to this a little bit, see what the potential really is." "Yeah,I 'llgiveyousome space." "Okay." "Yeah." "Oh,oh ,wait,Mac ." "Yeah?" "Onemorething." "Mm-hmm." "Throwthosegoddamnflowers in the trash." "Yeah." "Right." "Pieces of shit." "Goddamnit!" "Sonofabitch." "Wegotto getour handson that laptop!" "Right." "Name'sDee." "I'm new around here." "So, what's the deal with these masks, huh?" "Are they gonna protect you from the fish or protect the fish from you-- am I right?" "(woman speaking Chinese)" "No." "I didn't get that." "Youchopfish,pullgut!" ""Pullgut."Totally,yeah." "Listen, I'm gonna pop this off 'cause it's not protecting me from the smell, so I'm not really sure what the point is." "Hey. (clears throat)" "Give me the skinny." "Are you guys up to anything non-fish related around here or...?" "(woman speaks Chinese)" "Seriously?" "All right, goddamn it." "You are of no use to me." "Oh, here we go." "Uh, excuse me." "Hello." "Hi." "Um..." "Uh, my name's Dee and I'm new around here, and I just would love to chat with you sometime in private, you know?" "Maybe up in your secret private office up there?" "Ineedyoutochop fish and pull the gut." "Yeah." "No,Iget it." "I-I get that you're a chop fish, pull gut factory." "Wait, wait, wait, wait!" "Don't go anywhere." "Hi." "Um, uh, how about this, huh?" "Uh-oh." "What do you see, huh?" "American girl, blue eyes, blonde hair... (screams)" "(man shouting in Chinese)" "It got me!" "It got me good!" "(screaming)" "Aah!" "It got in my mouth!" "It's getting in..." "(alarm blaring)" "(screams)" "Hi." "Hey, guys." "Whatareyoudoing,dude ?" "You texted us 911." "What's the emergency?" "Yeah." "Oh,yeah,uh ,well,our  friendship's in danger, so..." "I stole Frank's credit card." "You guys want to have lunch?" "YougotFrank'scard?" "Igotthecard." "I'mannoyed,butIcouldeat." "All right, let's go." "Yeah,tobe honestwithyou,  my taste for fish is returning." "Yeah,I 'vebeenthinking about it all day." "Mytasteforfishisslowly returning, too." "Yeah." "And Guigino's does have the best fish." "Very well!" "Allright,youknow,maybe, uh... maybe just order a couple apps though." "I think Frank would prefer that." "You know, that's..." "WhocareswhatFrankprefers?" "We're buying this food with his stolen credit card." "AndI 'mgonnapretendI didn't hear that. (chuckles)" "Uh, welcome back, gentlemen." "I'msorry." "Do I know you, pal?" "I'veneverseenthisman before in my life." "Iwaitedon youbefore." "You tied my shoelaces together." "I fell down." "I'mgettingnothing." "I'm drawing a blank on this guy." "Yeah,yeah,thatmeans nothing to me." "What are you saying?" "A scalding hot plate of spaghetti fell into my face?" "I'mtoremembereveryman" "I've seen fall into a plate of spaghetti?" "Nevermind." "Uh, can I get your order?" "Getmethesnapper,bozo ." "Snapperfishforthe man ." "Actually,ourfishsupplier had an incident at their facility, so we are limited on fish." "Market price is quite high today." "Doyouhavethe snapper or not?" "Yeah,uh,we do ." "But it's $44." "Ooh." "Oh,my God." "All right." "Well, then, let's do some cheaper chicken or, uh..." "Well,no." "I'mina fish mood  now." "Fish has been established." "Itwasestablished, wasn't it?" "Yeah,itwas." "So three snappers." "Yeah,whyarewetalking about it so much?" "Get the goddamn snappers!" "Okay...oh..." "Getthesnapper!" "JesusChrist." "Whoisthatguy ?" "Guigino'sisslipping." "It's slipping." "Itis,theyare slipping." "They do have great fish, though." "So,what'sgoingonwith our friendship?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Ha!" "Charlie, I'm in." "How you doing?" "You having lunch?" "Keeping them busy?" "Uh,yeah,butslighthitch, though." "The snapper is, uh, $44." "What?" "!" "No, no, no, no $44!" "Get them appetizers." "Iknow,but,like,they want  fish and I kind of want fish, too, and the waiter said it's the market price, so..." "Allright." "Wait,Igotthe laptop." "Let me go to the search history." "Holy shit!" "Damnit!" "Sweeping up fish guts with a broom!" "Got to be some kind of workers' rights violation." "What are you...?" "!" "Aah!" "You idiot!" "What are you picking it up with your hands?" "!" "(woman speaking Chinese)" "Uh, hell no, lady, no." "Uh, look, I realize this might all be moon talk to you, but I'm not touching fish guts with my hands, okay?" "You know what we could do?" "Yeah, let's just disperse it." "You know what I mean?" "Just send it all over the place!" "Nobody will know." "Just kind of... (tires screeching)" "(alarm blaring)" "(workers clamoring)" "Oh..." "Yeah, it's so crazy." "I saw that." "Hey,Frank." "Sweet hat and jacket." "Don't.." "Charlie,don't sit there." "Huh?" "Sitbackthere." "We got to be smart about this." "Yeah,allright." "Why didn't we just meet back at the apartment then?" "That would've been better." "Becauseyougotmethinking about fish." "Oh,right,nice." "Yeah." "Get the snapper." "It's delicious." "Mmm." "Hi." "HowcanIhelp you?" "Oh,perfect." "You're here now, too." "You'retalkingto me likeyou  know me." "Have we ever met?" "Let'sjustmovepastthis  part." "What can I get you?" "I'mgonnahavethe snapper." "And I'm gonna buy one for the strange man behind me who I've never met." "Gentlemen,I hateto inform you two... strangers here that we are out of snapper." "We had some issues with our local supplier, so we are completely out of fish today." "Howdoyounot havefish ?" "!" "It says "Fresh fish daily" on the menu." "Well,I justexplainedit." "I went step by step." "Buthowcomeyou don 'thave it?" "It's on the menu!" "ForthereasonsIsaid ." "Youhaveno snapper?" "!" "There'sa sequenceof  events..." "Itsaysrightheresnapper..." "Doyouhavefishordo you not have fish?" "CanI getyouanon-fish entree?" "Youcangetlost." "Withpleasure." "Allright,so ..." "what did you find out?" "IthinkIknowwhat those guys are up to." "CanI justsitoverthere?" "'Cause I feel like the cover's blown now, and now I have to go like..." "Allright,sitoverhere ." "YouknowwhatImean ?" "IthinkIknowwhat they 're up to." "Okay,what?" "IthinkMacand Dennisare going into business with the Chinese guys across the street." "What?" "They'regonnaopenupsome  kind of pastry factory!" "What?" "Whatmakesyou think that?" "Isawit on theirsearch history." "Only two words came up." ""Asians..."" "and "cream pies."" "Oh,shit." "They'regonnaturnPaddy's into some kind of Asian cream pie factory!" "Thosebastards!" "Yeah!" "Oh,myGod!" "Sonsofbitches!" "So,whatarewegonnado?" "Wegotto beatthemattheir  own game." "Okay, the Chinese want cream pies, they'll get cream pies." "But only, they're not gonna get them from those bozos." "They're gonna be getting their cream pies from us." "(Charlie laughs)" "MAC:" "CanIgonow?" "Because I feel like you had a really long session last time." "Idid,yeah,Iwent onfora long, long time, but that's how much it takes, all right?" "I'm trying to build up to something, to-to a major finish, you know?" "And-and I didn't get to because" "Charlie interrupted us with his goddamn emergency lunch." "What are you doing?" "I really don't want to stumble across whatever it is that you're stumbling across." "Let me finish." "Wait,no,this...wegota  problem here." "What?" "TheInternet'snotworking." "What?" "No..." "No!" "(phone ringing)" "Come on!" "Oh, son of a bitch." "Whatisit ,Charlie?" "We're in the middle of a crisis." "Troublegettingonline?" "Yeah,howdidyou knowthat ?" "Weneedto talk." "Hi,howcanIhelp ..." "Oh, you're back." "Whydoyoulookfamiliarto me?" "I'mthewaiteryou didn'ttip earlier." "Yeah,well,you'renot gonna get tipped again with that attitude." "(Dennis and Mac laugh)" "We'll take the snapper." "Uh, this guy, too." "He's-he's with us." "Well,asItoldthis  gentleman only moments ago, we are out of fish today." "Wecameto Guigino'sfor the  fish." "It says "Fresh fish daily." Uh,youknowwhat,Dennis?" "I'll have a plate of piping hot spaghetti instead." "Extra sauce." "(Dennis sighs)" "Allright." "Youknowwhat ?" "That sounds good." "I'll-I'll take spaghetti, too." "Nice and sloppy." "Soyoudo rememberme." "We'rebusy!" "Okay?" "Can we get spaghetti?" "Hewantsspaghetti." "I want spaghetti, too, please." "He'sgonnagetspaghetti." "Just get us the spaghetti." "Andsomesnapperfish,ifyou have it." "Yeah." "Thankyou,thankyou ..." "What'sthatguy'sattitude?" "Idon'tknowwhatthat guy's deal is." "Hey, you know what we should do?" "We should tie his shoelaces together." "(laughter) Classic!" "When he falls, it'll spill all over." "Yeah,thespaghettiwillget on him!" "Oh, I've always wanted to see that." "Hey, can I come sit with you guys?" "'Cause I feel my cover's blown, here." "Youdon'thaveagoddamn cover; you're, uh, dressed like it's Halloween." "Come over here." "Allright,I'mcomingover ." "Allright." "Now, what's going on, man?" "What'sgoingon ?" "Listen, Frank's onto you." "That's why I had Dee's Internet shut down." "He knows what you're doing." "Oh,comeon ." "Frankknowswhatwe'redoing?" "Yes!" "(Dennis sighs) And honestly, guys, you should be ashamed of yourselves." "Really." "What?" "I 'mnotashamed." "I'ma littlebitashamed,but I think that's natural." "Well,look,here'sthe thing." "Now Frank wants to start doing it, too." "Sowhat?" "Sowhat?" "Lethim doit." "Well,hewantsmetodo it  with him." "Iassumedyoutwo did that already." "Me,too." "No!" "And now he wants us to do it with the Chinese guy across the street, so I knew you wouldn't be into that." "Well,no,I'mnot intothat ." "That's bizarre." "Exactly." "I feel like I should be doing it with you guys." "Ah..." "Comeon, man ." "Thisisgettingweirdand messy." "I-I don't want to get you involved." "Comeon,guys." "There'stoomanypeople." "Just go do it with Frank." "Iknow...okay,well,isDee in on it?" "Ew!" "God,no !" "Whywouldwe ...ugh." "That'swhyshe'satthe factory, to distract her." "Comeon,guys." "It should be you and me, okay?" "I like cream pies as much as the next guy." "Oh,shh...don't-don'tsay it out loud." "Well,okay,okay,okay." "Let me make a... cream pie..." "for you, okay?" "Then you can try it." "See what you think." "Idonotwanttotaste your cream pie." "Theytastegreat,Ican guarantee it." "(Dennis gasps) You'vetastedyours?" "OfcourseIhave." "Haven't you?" "No!" "I'vetastedmine." "I didn't like it." "I'vetastedmine,yeah." "I-Ilikedmine." "Whatever,dude." "If you don't care about the taste, fine, all right?" "But they're not just gonna be for us anyway." "It'snot...what?" "What?" "We'regonnasellthemto everyone in Philly." "Whothehell'sgonnawant to buy them?" "Everyone'sgonnawanttobuy them, everyone loves them, especially little kids." "Ew...dude!" "Littlekids?" "I'd love watching a kid do it." "Dude,youaregonnagetin a lot of trouble." "Hell,no,dude." "It's not like I'm gonna do it without the parents' permission, I'll do everything..." "Noparentis gonnalet you ..." "Whereareyougonnago?" "Theparentsaregonnawatch." "They're gonna be so psyched..." "They'renotgonnawantto watch!" "What are you talking about?" "Oh,wegottogooverseasfor that." "That's just..." "No." "No,youdon't." "That's as American as it gets." "Guys, you gotta think about this as a business venture, right?" "The three of us combine our ingredients, making, like, one gigantic, delicious cream pie, some little kid sucking it down and he's paying us for the pleasure." "Hangonasecond." "What kind of cream pie are you talking about?" "What...kindof creampie are  you talking about?" "♪ ♪" "Creampies." "Everyone loves them." "Comedians, baseball players, even protestors." "Cream pies are a rich American tradition and also delicious." "Mmm, my mouth's getting wet just watching her eat that cream pie." "Asians know electronics." "And fish." "But Americans know cream pies-- except for them." "God bless cream pies, and God bless America." "And China, too." "♪ ♪" "Look, I'm an experienced businessman with a long history in Asian countries." "Imagine my cream pie taste and know-how combined with your underpaid labor force." "We could corner the cream pie market!" "(phone ringing)" "Wait, wait just a second." "It's, uh... it's my business partner." "Hello?" "I'm in the middle of the meeting now." "The video killed." "What do you mean, it's not the same kind of cream pie?" "Oh, wait, I'll look." "♪ ♪" "(woman speaking indistinctly)" "Holyshit!" "Holyshit...(screams)" "(alarm blaring)" "Well,itlookslikerelying on old Dee really paid off for you guys after all, huh?" "Whatareyoutalkingabout?" "Wh...myseriesofaccidents shut the whole factory down for, like, a couple days." "Dee,weneveraskedyouto shut down the factory." "Yeah,that'swhat'sbeen driving up the price of fish." "Yeah,snapper'swayup." "Snapper's through the roof." "Snapper'sthroughtheroof!" "Youcan'tevenget snapper!" "We're out of snapper, Dee!" "Look, you see, I told you you can't count on her." "Oh, and by the way, we stole our Wi-Fi from that place, too." "Did you know that?" "Oh,sonowwegotnoWi-Fi because of you." "Actually,we'repretty dependent on that Chinese factory." "WeneedtheChinese,Dee, we need the..." "Yeah,forthecream,for the cr..." "Don't-don't..." "All right, guys, you know what?" "She seems fine and I'm not worried about her." "Let's-let's go discuss our research a little bit further, yeah?" "Ooh,forwhat,for what?" "For one of our next schemes?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "For the next scheme, Dee." "Uh, we'll be in touch." "Oh." "Youguyscouldjust do that here, you..." "Wait, I can call for more chairs!" "Listen,guys,uh ,firstof all, I'm gonna suggest that we reset our browser each time we do a research session." "That'sa goodidea." "For privacy." "Right." "Yeah,and,youknow,we're spying on ourselves." "That doesn't really gather any useful information." "No,it'sjustall porn." "Right." "Weshouldkeepspyingonthe Chinese, though." "Oh,absolutely." "Actually,whenIwas over there, I looked at their search history; it's all porn, too." "Isit?" "Ah,we'realldoingit." "Ithinkwhatyou 'regonna find when you're spying on the general population is that everyone is just, uh... masturbating constantly." "IknowIam." "(Dennis laughs)" "Andyetyou'veneverheardof a cream pie." "(trio chanting backwards)"