"Previously on In Treatment." "I'll put yours in the dryer and they'll be ready by the end of the session." "Well, you'll have to help me." "I haven't gotten dressed on my own since my accident." "How on earth do you manage with two broken arms?" "I don't." "She's cool." "You could learn a lot from your wife about how to talk to people." "Are there people who say things about you, Sophie?" "That some of the girls at the gym might be jealous of you and how close your relationship is with Cy?" "Don't talk to me like I'm a child." "How do you get along with Cy's wife?" "I don't wanna talk about them." ""During first session, appears to be very impressive." ""Sensitive, mature for her age," ""very intelligent and a highly independent personality."" " Do you really think those things you wrote?" " Absolutely." "(Knock at door)" "It isn't serious, it comes off in a week." "My cousin stayed over last night." "She's here visiting colleges, so..." "She had to sleep in my room and I had to sleep on the couch." "When I woke up this morning I couldn't move my neck." "I had to go to the doctor today, anyway, to get my casts off." "He took one look at me and was, like, "I don't think so"." "He put this thing on me." "He left my casts on too because..." "I don't know why, actually." "I guess taking them off might cause too much strain on my neck." "I found something for you, thought you should have it." " In here?" " Yeah, in the front pocket." "It's for your collection." "It's a catboat." "It's beautiful." "Thank you." "It's a going-away present." "This is our last session, right?" "You said three." "No, I said at least three." "If you're totally sick of listening to other people's insipid lives then maybe you can look at it and it'll make you feel like you're somewhere else." "Insipid." "It's a good word." "I read thesauruses for fun." "I'm not a freak, OK?" "I just like words." "Thought you could use it." "It must really suck having to listen to other people's problems all day." "Mm." "So does that chair, like, enhance your brain function?" "(Laughs)" " I don't think so." " Can you read minds?" "Unfortunately, no." " Yeah, it'd be a lot easier if you could." " It would." "Can I try the chair?" "Sure." "Please." "Thank you." "How are you?" "You look tired." "(Laughs) I'm OK." "Maybe you should take a nap." "Maybe." "I've noticed that, er, Cy's drawing is, er, is gone." " Did you erase it?" " Yes." "How do you feel about that?" "How do you think I feel?" "Maybe a little scared because this could be our final session." "Why would I be scared?" "Is the evaluation going to be bad?" "I don't think it's the evaluation that scares you." "I think it's the possibility that, er... you won't be coming back." "Sorry but no." "I bought you a goodbye present." "See ya!" "I know it's a goodbye present, but there is another way to look at it." "Maybe you want to leave something behind." "So that I won't forget you." " You said you liked the boat." " I do." " If you don't want it, I'll take it back." " Do you want to take it back?" "So..." "If someone my age wants to start therapy, how would it work?" "Well, we'd take it at that person's own pace." "Not like these last few sessions, the evaluation, the three session deadline, nothing like that." "See, the person who's in therapy controls the gas, so to speak." "And the wheel, for that matter." " So it's like driving a car?" " Yeah, it's a bit like driving a car." "So..." "Pretend I'm in therapy now." " All right." " I said pretend." "So, what do I do?" "Why don't you tell me a little bit more about the boat?" "I got it years ago from a homeless woman in New York..." " when I was just a kid." " What were you doing in New York?" " We were on a "family vacation"." " Why do you say that, "family vacation"?" "Because it wasn't a real vacation, and we weren't a real family." "No sand, no ocean." "That's not a vacation, you know, that's bullshit." "My dad took me to Central Park." "There was this old woman at the park's entrance selling these little wooden toys." "She looked so miserable." "And I remember thinking, "It's worse for her."" "I had just enough money left from my allowance to buy the boat." "By the time we got home it was over." " What was over?" " Their marriage." " Oh." " I think it was over during the vacation, but they were pretending or something." "I went to school, I went to practice, and I came home and they were waiting for me in the kitchen, smiling like those movie stars." "Like, movie stars?" "You know, those smiles that movie stars do." "Those big smiles but their eyes are all glazed over." "Like... (Laughs)" "And then my mother starts to cry." "And my father says to her in this voice," ""Olivia, leave it to me."" "And then he starts to cry, and I'm just standing there, stuck in the kitchen, hungry as fuck, with these two babies." "I don't remember the day he actually left." "I just remember that day in the kitchen." " Where did he go?" " Back to New York." "With his new wife." "And I stayed here with my mother, who was totally depressed." "Cy and Darlene, they live close by, so... they help me get to practice and back." "They didn't want me to give it up." "Why are you looking at me like that?" "It's just the way you talk about it, like you're not so upset about the break-up as... the way they did it." " Maybe that's what's making you sad." " I'm not sad." "Is that what people are supposed to do in therapy?" "Sit around and whine over all their problems?" "It's never going to happen." "That's what she would do, and I'm nothing like her." "Your mom?" "Where was your dad when all this was going on?" "I told you, in New York, with Natasha." " Did you ever consider living with them?" " No." "We once thought maybe but..." " It didn't work out." " Why not?" "They needed their space." "They didn't last anyway." "He wanted me to live with them." "He was really pissed that she said no, so..." "It really soured their relationship." "So you blame yourself." "Whatever way the cookie crumbles, you're still to blame." "How old are you?" "What do you mean, how old am I?" " People really don't talk like that any more." " Really?" "Your logic has some flaws, Sophie." "You aren't responsible for what your parents did." "You couldn't be." "Were you a gymnast before..." "before you met Cy?" "I don't remember a time before I met Cy." "I've known him since I was so little." "Besides my father, they're the only people who ever believed in me." "Cy discovered me gymnastically." "I was dancing around on a log in the back yard, to entertain Dana." "You know, doing spins and things." "He put me on a beam the next day." "Their house was like my house." "I had a key." "Before my father left, when he and my mom were fighting all the time," "I slept over." "I had these really bad attacks back then." "My stomach would start to shake, and then my whole body would start to shake." "Sometimes I'd start throwing up and I couldn't make it stop." "They took me to the emergency room one night." " We never told my parents." " Why not?" "I ruined their family." "I did, I really did." "Darlene was so good to me." "I was..." "She really was good to me." "She told me, before she left for Wisconsin, that she was only going because she knew I would be there to take care of Dana." "She said she didn't trust Cy but she trusted me." "She trusted me and I ruined it." "You're thinking he used me." "You're wrong." "He kept trying to stop me." "He kept saying, "Sophie, you don't know what you're doing," ""we'll get to a place and there'll be no turning back."" "He's a really good person, Cy is." "He's a gentleman." "He kept saying, "You don't know what you're doing"." " But the thing is, I did." " And what were you doing, Sophie?" "At first, I thought it was my imagination." "And then he stopped talking to me while Darlene was home." "You know, like he was embarrassed, like he was hiding something." "And sometimes I'd catch him holding his breath while he was looking at me." "He loves me, I know he does." "So I knew, even before Darlene went away," "I knew that he loved me." "And then she left for six months but Cy wouldn't have sex with me." "Even though everyone assumed we were doing it, that we'd been doing it for months." "Cy said it was a line that we absolutely, positively would not cross." "We'd been sleeping in the same bed." "Just sleeping." "And then, one night, the night before Darlene came home," "I woke up in the middle of the night... and he was awake." "Then he..." "I..." "It happened." "It felt like nothing at all." "Like nothing?" "Not good?" "Not bad?" "Kind of like..." "Kind of like I was watching it happen." "On a really small black and white television." "Like, I was checking my email at the same time." "Like I wasn't really there." "I don't know." "The next day we pretended like it hadn't happened." "And at practice that afternoon we had this big fight, in front of everyone." "Cos of what happened?" "Because I fell off the beam." "I'd been going for this backbend, and for some reason I thought that the beam was longer than it really was." "So, I bent right off of it." "I fell flat on my back." "I just stayed there... trying to breathe, afraid to move, afraid that I'd broken something." "And then Cy came over and started screaming at me," ""We've got two days until this tournament and you've lost your focus," ""now get back up there and do it right."" "That night I slept on the couch." "Then in the middle of the night, Cy came in and I thought that..." "But he wanted me to put Dana back to bed." "She'd had a bad dream and came into his room looking for me." "So..." "I put her back to bed and then we talked." "He kept talking about my potential." "He said it would ruin both our careers if this got out." "He said that we had to stop." "That's it." "We almost had sex again that night, but he didn't want to." "That's it." "A few weeks later..." "Darlene said she wanted to talk to me." "She said that Dana had become too attached to me while she was in Wisconsin and that I probably shouldn't come over for a while." "But it was pathetic, because I know her, you know." "She was lying to me." "I couldn't look at her." "I just said, "I'm sorry."" "She said..." ""Don't be silly," ""kids forget quickly." ""Grown-ups don't, but kids do." ""Dana will forget you."" "Dana will never forget you, Sophie." " You don't think so?" " No, I'm sure of it." "Darlene... is terribly wrong." "Grown-ups can forget... children can't." "When I left, Darlene gave me a present that she got for me in Wisconsin." "What was it?" "An apron." "With cows on it." "She knows I like to cook and I collect things with cows on them so..." "It was sort of... perfect." "Mm." "The accident... it happened that night?" " I woke up in the ambulance." " Do you remember how you got there?" "I don't even remember walking away from the house." "I remember her giving me the apron." "I didn't want it, I tried to give it back." "She said," ""Take it so you don't get dirty."" "Then I think she kissed me." "It must have been at their door, because... now I remember stepping back and seeing the whole house." " What did you see?" " Nothing." "I saw the house from the outside, that's all." "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down." "(Laughs)" "So what the fuck are you gonna write now?" "Are you asking me if I think the accident was your fault?" "Yes." "When you came here this morning, you told me they were gonna take the casts..." "You're stalling, Paul." " I'm trying to explain to you..." " You know but you're afraid to tell me." " What I need you to understand..." " I understand!" "I understand everything!" "I understand why Darlene kicked me out of the house," "I understand why you're lying to me now." "OK, I get it, I fucking get it!" "Sophie, let's finish the session." " I have to use the bathroom." " OK." "(Glass smashes)" "Sophie?" "Sophie?" "Are you all right?" "I'm gonna open the door now." " Is that OK?" " (Groans) Yeah." "I'm so sorry, I don't how that happened." "It's no problem, don't worry about it." " I'm so sorry." " Don't worry about it." "It's just a picture frame, I'll clean it up later on." "I don't wanna fuck everything up here too." "No, don't worry about it." "If you had to write the evaluation now..." "But I don't have to write the evaluation now, Sophie." " If someone held a gun to your head..." " Who's holding a gun to my head?" "Are you?" " I wanna know what you think." " What do you think?" "Do you think that you did this to yourself?" "I don't remember!" "How many times do I have to tell you?" " What does your instinct tell you?" " I don't have any instinct." " What does your heart tell you?" " I don't have a heart." "You know, from what you've told me already," "I think you're having quite a difficult time taking care of yourself recently." "So?" "It doesn't mean that you deliberately ran into that car." "So what would you write?" "Erm..." "I don't know, something along the lines of..." ""As a result of the anxiety she felt preceding the incident," ""the subject may have been distracted, acted irresponsibly but..." ""we cannot conclude that the accident was a premeditated wilful act..."" " It sounds really vague." " It can't be any more specific than that." "I'm not a magician." "I don't know any more than what you've told me." "I fucking hate you!" "You never say what you really mean." "You know, you're just like all the rest of them." "Why can't anyone ever tell anyone else the truth?" "I can't listen to any more of your stupid bullshit words." "A wilful and irresponsible act!" "Just say it!" "She tried to kill herself or not." "If you think I did then say so." "What's the problem?" "There's a difference between not being careful, because you feel vulnerable," " and wanting to commit suicide." " No!" " You don't see the difference?" " No." "It's like the picture frame." "I didn't mean to break it, I didn't even see it, but it's broken." " I broke it." " In terms of the evaluation, there's a really big difference." "That's what I want you to understand." "What?" "Sophie, the problems that you had before the accident are still there." "Even when they take off the neck brace and the casts those problems are still going to be there, when you go back to your normal everyday routine." "You're gonna have to face them again." "Cos if we're not careful something like this could happen again." "That's what you're really asking me, isn't it?" "If you go back to your life, will you find yourself in front of a car again someday soon?" "You make me sound like a time bomb." "(Sighs)" " It's true, I ruin everything." " No, you don't." "Yes, I do." "You said I wanted to go home because there's nothing more for me to ruin there." " It's obvious." " Let's look at it another way." "You could really build something at home." "With my mother?" "Are you on crack?" " I have to go soon." " Can I ask you something before you go?" "Where do you feel safe?" " What?" " Where are you happy?" "Where do you feel..." "Where do you feel safe?" "I was happy with Cy and Dana." "I ruined it." " You erased the drawing from your cast." " Because I was angry." "Is there anywhere else that you're happy?" "On the beam." "I can spend hours walking back and forth." "Dive, dive and swish." ""Dive, dive and swish", what does that mean?" "It's a song that I sing to myself when I'm up there." "It reminds me of a pelican diving down to catch a fish in its beak." "Could I hear the song?" "# I have a wish to sing and fish down by the sea" "# Just you and me, fun it'll be" "# Dive, dive and swish #" "And on the dive, I drop my foot off the beam, and on the swish I swing it back up." " You feel safe up there?" " Yes." "Hm." "You know you can't live up there forever." "You have to come down eventually." "Goodbye, Sophie." "Hello, this is Paul Weston." "I am your daughter's therapist and I was wondering if I could talk to you." "I understand that they're about to remove Sophie's neck brace and her casts." "And I think that we should discuss her return to the gym and to training." "So, would you mind calling me, please, at my office?" "Thank you." "English SDH"