" This is the story of the first and last time I ever fell in love." "Let me start with a little background so that you can understand exactly what I've been through here." "It's a boy!" " My name is Charles Bellow, but you can call me Charlie." "I was born in French Lick, Indiana, which sounds like it could be kind of a cool, scandalous place to be from, but it's not." "Uh, there's nothing French and trust me, nothing is licked." "My parents, Roger and Kitty, are the nicest people you'd ever want to meet, and I'm not just using an expression there." "If you met people any nicer than this, it would just upset you." " Give the nice lady a seat." " OK!" " There you go." " I was taught to emulate that niceness, and to reasonably expect it from other people." "You can have my seat, ma'am." " Thank you, dear." " Now, that second part there, uh, that's where you can get into a little trouble." "When I was accepted at Vanderweil University, it was the fulfillment of a dream my parents had had since..." " Oh!" "OK." "OK." " ... well, since the very beginning." " All right." " A Bellow was going to college." "A Bellow was majoring in business, so that a Bellow could then go on to become a middle manager in a fine American corporation..." "Maybe even the Tiller King Company, whose tractors my father repaired for a living." "I shared their dream." "I promised them that I would not let them down, that the Bellow-family boulder was about to get a serious shove up the evolutionary hill." "Hi." "Hi." "They were counting on me." "Lord, how they were counting." "Hi." "Hi." "Everything was on track in my undergraduate years, and I was lucky enough to get into business school." "And then I got word that my cousin Bart had passed away... suddenly." " Death, man." "Death sucks." " Glad you were a philosophy major there, Leo." " Sorry." "The death unit was back in freshman year." "Meantime, we should probably just try to cheer ourselves up by sticking to happier subjects... like sex." "Wanna play the game, huh?" " Sure." " Yes." "Yes." "Yes!" "Yes." " OK, OK, OK, OK." "Let's play this way." "Are there any women here who you would not sleep with?" " Probably." " Fair enough." " Charlie, I'm a young male at or near my sexual peak." "Don't hate me for following my evolutionary blueprint." " Oh, I do not." " Hell, yes!" " I just, uh, I think it's" "I think it's suspect that you could know in a second whether or not you would sleep with a woman." "For me" " For me, those decisions take a little thought." " That's why you've only slept with 3 women in 4 years!" " What, are you taking notes?" " Yes!" " Damn you!" "I just have other priorities right now, you know?" " I mean" " Whoa!" "Careful, Charlie!" "If the death of your cousin teaches us anything, it's that we must live!" "Live, Charlie!" "Live!" " Live, you say." " Yes!" " Yes." " Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes!" "In your dreams, pervert!" " I mean, you might like it!" "It might even be good for you." " It might." " I mean, do you seriously claim there is no woman within your field of vision at this moment with whom you would sleep, no questions asked?" " Excuse me, but you should be!" " OK, I'm sorry." " I..." "I'm outta here." " Just go." " Wow, you open big!" " Yeah, go ahead." " Course she's hammered... or not particularly coordinated, but very hot." "Good call, Charlie." "Definite "yes"." " I'm not even saying that I would sleep with her." " Well, you're staring at her pretty good." " I would talk to her." "Uh, I would, uh..." " You would, uh..." " Uh, get to know her." "Um..." " OK!" " You know what?" "You live your way, I'll live mine." " Fine!" " Go begin to get to know her then." " Not today." "I gotta pay a condolence call to my aunt." " Ugh." " Let her pinch my cheek, tell me how much I look like my cousin." "Oh!" "Besides, she actually has a girl she wants me to meet." " You see, Charlie?" "Everyone you know, even your bereaved aunt, is telling you the same thing." "Live." "Yes." " Thank you." "# Whistle #" " Yes, I'm free and I'm loving it!" "Train, where are you?" "Whoo-wee!" "Choo-choo!" "Choo-choo-choo!" "Ah!" " Hey!" "Hey!" " Get off me!" " Once in your life if you are very lucky, you will meet the person who divides it... into the time before you met her and the time after." "But she was, you know, obviously big trouble, and-and I would've just left it at that, except..." " Hey." "Hey!" "Give the gentleman your seat!" "Ha!" " Give me a break, all right?" " You're welcome." "You're welcome." "Darling." "Purse." "Purse!" " OK." "Not-not touching you inappropriately." "OK, good." "I'm holding your waist." "Very specifically avoiding..." "Yes." "Don't want a lawsuit." "OK." "Oh!" "Hey, yeah!" "Hi!" "5th and 11th." " Is she dead?" " What?" "No!" "She" " No!" "She's- She's not, uh... she's OK." " OK." " It's my, uh, my sister." "She's... good." "Aw!" "Very heavy girl!" "Not fat, just muscular." "I would assume, 'cause you're dense, as in" "Not stupid, I mean, heavy." "Hey!" "Behind you, Einstein!" "Open-open the window!" " What are you doing on the fire escape?" " Just open the window, man!" " That's the girl from before." "You drugged her?" "Are you crazy?" " No!" " Did anyone see you?" " Just the lobby guard and the rickshaw guy." " This is what happens to the repressed ones." "One day they just snap!" "Why'd you bring her here?" " She was passed out in the subway!" " I said talk to her, not knock her unconscious." "Just- here." "Head first." "Head first." " OK." " Watch her head." " Just give ma second." " Come on!" " OK, OK." " Oh, there you are." " OK, she likes me." "Oh, she smells like tequila." " Let's keep her alive." " OK!" " This is a very limp girl." " Oh boy!" "Oh boy!" " Well, we're in trouble." " Purse." " So you brought her home?" " I couldn't very well leave her on a subway bench, right?" " Which makes this, technically, kidnapping." " Eventually, she will wake up, she will take the walk of shame out of here and that'll be that." " So, did you talk to her?" " Not really." " What's she like?" "Is she nice?" " I'm not sure, but..." "I don't think so." " Security." "Open the door!" " We aren't even in real jail." "We're in university jail." " I know." "This is so humiliating!" " Hey, Bellow!" "Oh, I'm gonna be watching you!" "You're on my radar!" " OK, um, I-I understand and I thank you f-for following due process on this" " Go, Charlie!" " I respect what you're doing." "Thank you!" " Watch it, Bellow!" " Hello." " Who are you?" " Uh, who are you?" " Who are you?" " I'm the girl you abducted this afternoon." " Oh!" "Um, how did you get this number?" " Oh, security was only too happy." "I have all your information!" " Why are you asking me who I am?" " I'm not asking who you are." "I'm asking who you think you are." " You know what?" "I don't have time" " Meet me at the Spike Gallery, 6th and 4th." " Um, no." " Why not?" " Because the Tiller King representative is coming to campus this week." " Yeah, be there at 7:13." " Definitely not nice." " Charles Bellow." " Charlie." " Hmm." "I'll take a red." " Ah!" " Red for the lady." "And for you, sir?" " Um, I" "I think the- I think the white." "So red, yeah." " OK then." " So what happened?" " Well, you, uh" " I can't hear you." " You were completely drunk." "You almost fell on the subway track." "I pulled you back at the last instant." "You called me darling, then you passed out." "I assumed responsibility." "I carried you back to my place and somebody called security on us- on me- on- for you." " I called you darling?" " Yeah." " I think I remember that." "But I seriously doubt the rest of it." "Jordan Roark." " Rork." " Roark." "R" " O-A-R-K, Roark." " OK." " What are you studying?" " Uh, business." " Are you smart?" " Uh, maybe a little." "I don't know." " Well, most smart people are smart enough not to have to study business." "Thank you... for not leaving me on the subway bench, Charles." " You're welcome." "Um, and it's- it's Charlie, please." "Uh, am I allowed to ask you why you were dead drunk in the middle of the afternoon?" " Goin' through a reckless phase." " And wh- by that, you mean..." " Don't know what it means?" " No, I" " Guess you're really not smart!" " I know what the word means," "I'm-I'm asking you what-what you mean." " What do you care, Chuck?" " Charlie!" "And um, I'm interested." " Chuck." "Chuck." "Chuck." "Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck." "Chuck!" "Chuck!" " OK, um..." "I'm gonna go, Jordan." "Uh, I hope that you get through your reckless phase and that you have a relatively happy and disaster-free rest of your life." "Um, goodbye." " My fiancée broke up with me." "Uh..." "Uh, it's OK." "Here." " You carry an handkerchief?" "What are you, an asthmatic?" " No, I" " Where I'm from, people carry handkerchiefs." " Where are you from?" "1850?" "Is it clean?" " Yes." " Fine." "Here." " No, you-you can keep that." " No, you take it." " OK, I'll, uh..." "Uh..." " ... we can get them away for a while." " You want some?" " Yeah, thank you." "I, uh, OK." "Why did he, uh, why" "Why did he break up with you?" " Well..." "I like bananas." " You" "OK, um..." "It's OK." "It's, uh..." "It's OK." "Uh..." "Hi, um, uh, Manhattan." "Jordan Roark." " Huh?" " No, no." "Just sleep." "It's" "Uh, hi." "No, not you." "Uh, Jor- R" " O-A-R-K." " Roark." " That many?" "OK, let's, uh, start downtown." " # Downtown... #" "No, not here." " No, man." "We don't know any Roarks." " Bye now." "Have a nice night." "# Anyone #" "# Anyone #" "# Anyone #" " Hi." "Good evening, sir." " Good evening." "Um, do you know her?" " Yes, sir." "Were there any other expenses, sir?" " Can I just get you to tell me her name in case" "Just to make sure." " Her name is Jordan Roark, sir." " Roark." " Were there any other expenses?" " Uh, no." "No." " Keep it." "The Roarks thank you very much, sir." " Yeah." " Sir." " Hi, Jimmy." "How was your day?" " Ah, you know, the usual." "Held some doors, said hello." " Is she gonna be OK?" " Yes, sir." " Can you give her some aspirin, some water?" "Yes, sir." " Thank you." " Uh, anytime there, Spanky!" " Ah, yeah." "5th and 11th." "Whoa!" " We now have dealerships in all 50 states, including Alaska and Hawaii." "Now, of course, we made our reputation on big, heavy farm machinery, but we also have a line of mowers that is second to none." "What?" " Oh please, oh please, oh please..." " Is there a Charles Bellow in this room?" "Damn it!" " Yes, sir." " Mr. Bellow," "I believe you'd better go with this young lady." " I-I don't- I don't..." "I don't think that'll be necessary." " Oh, Mr. Bellow," "I believe you had better go with this young lady." "Now, if there is anything we prize at the Tiller King Company, is a man with the strength to take responsibility for his own actions." " Yes, sir." " Now..." " Hi!" " Hi." "What-what" "What are you doing here?" " Come play with me!" " What?" " Come play with me." "It's a beautiful day." " No, I" " First of all, I was in the middle of a" " No, I-I took care of that." " Yeah, whoa!" "What did that note say?" " Nothing." " No, what did the note say?" " It said that I just found out that I'm pregnant with your child." " No, don't scream, 'because it's gonna make it worse." " Why" " You don't- You" " You" "Do you have any idea what you've done?" "That's-that's- that's the Tiller King representative in there." "That's my future in there!" " Really?" " Yes!" " How sad!" " I can't believe that you" " Well, fine!" "But as practical matter, Chuck, you really can't go back in there now." "So you might as well spend the rest of the day with me!" " Sometimes, you start relationships and sometimes they start you." "# Here we go... #" " Come on, little Chucky!" " Anyway, that's how ours began, the way true love generally begins, with drunkenness, imprisonment and the destruction of a lifelong dream." "OK." " It's OK!" "Faster!" " $60, $80, $100." " Faster!" " I love this gig!" " Oh good!" "I like that!" "Keep going like that." "#..." "Counting all my regrets about you #" "# Thought about me #" "# Thought about all the things we'd ever be #" "# Thought about you #" "# Thought about me #" "# Thought about all the things we'd never be... #" "Smile, would ya?" "Whoa!" "Come here." "# I thought about you #" "Whoa!" "Whoo!" " In her spare time, she liked to write stories for movies, which she called "treatments"." "Um, she would make me read them while she watched." " Turn the page, already!" " I" " Give me a minute!" " Aw!" "Parrots read faster than you." " OK, you know what?" "I" " I need to concentrate." "So..." " Hey!" "Excuse me!" "Hey!" "Don't throw your cigarette on the ice like that!" " Why don't you have me arrested then?" " I'd do better than that." "How 'bout that, huh?" "Ow!" "What" " Pick up the cigarette!" " I'm not gonna- What's your problem?" " You're the only one here that's smoking!" " "It's the year 2037." ""The heroine Rose has travelled back in time" ""to try advert the Titanic disaster," ""but none of the pig-headed men of the shipping company" ""have listened to her pleas" ""and the ship has sailed anyway" ""and crashed into the iceberg all over again," ""proving Rose's theory that men never learn," ""they just keep on making the same mistakes" ""over and over again," ""but each time in nicer... pants." " Oh, Jack." "You get on the trunk and I'll get in the water." " No, Rose." "I'll be fine." "I'll freeze to death." "At least you'll live." " Oh, Jack, shut up, would you?" "You're so damn dramatic." "You get on the trunk." "Stay close, darling!" " OK." "Tell the band to play on!" "Women and children first!" " Aren't you cold?" " I'm fine!" "Don't be such a pussy, Jack." "I'm was king of the world!" " I have to say" "I found the Rose/Jack relationship a little troubling, but I kept that to myself." " What?" "What do you" " Pick up that cigarette!" " Hang- hang on!" " Get back here!" "All I want you to do is pick up the cigarette!" " You're a little bit nuts!" " Come here!" " Get away from me!" " Whoa!" " Charlie!" "Oh!" "Are you OK?" " Definitely not." " Hey!" "Fifty bucks for your cart." " I love New York!" " How's your head?" "Is it OK?" " I hear a hum." " So what did you think of the treatment?" " The" " I think- Uh, I think" "I think it's a love story, and that they should be nicer to each other." " It's not a love story." "Charlie, it's a story about how men can't handle big trouble." " Um, well, I think people are still gonna want to see them kiss." " Well, maybe people shouldn't always get what they want!" " I tried to tell him..." " OK." " Look, don't patronize me, Charlie, OK?" "You know what?" "Like I care what you think anyway!" " Don't make eye contact." "Don't look." "Come on!" " OK, you know what, Jordan?" "I" " I-I like you." "And the last 3 days have been, uh, some of the most interesting- if not, painful- of my life." "But my brain is haemorrhaging and my career is ruined and I just think it's better if we part ways." " Ha!" " OK, but your head'll clot." "And you know what?" "Did you think that maybe you were meant for better than a career with the Tiller King Company?" " No!" " Here." " What?" "Where are we?" " You're fine." "You may have some headaches for a while." " No shit!" " Take Tylenol, not Advil." "And, uh, don't go to sleep tonight." " Really?" " Yeah, you have a level one concussion." "Just in case." " OK." " And I think it would be best if you didn't see my daughter again." " Um, you speaking as my doctor or as her father?" " Jordan tells me that you're the young man that brought her home the other night." " I am." " It seems to me that whenever you two get together, someone becomes separated from his senses." "You're obviously a bad influence on her." " I'm a bad influence on her?" " Would you disagree?" " No, sir, I would not." "Thank you." " I'm sorry about him." "You know, ever since the fiancée, he's been really overprotective and" " Yeah, no, he's your dad." "Um, you know, he's just lookin' out for you." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." " Um..." "Take care of your head." " Yeah, you too." " You're intrigued by this girl?" " No, no, I'm not." "Who would be intrigued by a hot, mysterious, passionate, possibly bi-polar, violent, drunken, arrogant, rude... woman?" " There are people." " Don't go to sleep, man!" " Aw!" " Don't sleep!" "The doctor said I gotta stay up." " So don't go to sleep!" "Leave me alone!" " The next few weeks passed without incident." "Leo got to the Existentialists, and rented Horny House-Fraus 6." "And I was making progress rehabilitating myself with the Tiller King Company." "Tomorrow's my birthday and I want to spend it with you." "You decide how, but it has to be the best birthday ever." "# Humming #" "# Humming #" " Hey!" "Hey, kid, is this a subway platform or your own personal piece of drawing paper?" " Mom!" " Um, he's like 5, Jordan." " What did I do wrong?" " Some people are bad, Tommy." " Well" " Like Uncle Herb in jail?" " Hey, here's the game." "When someone crosses that red line with their left foot," "I win." "Right foot, you win." " OK, what do we win?" " I don't know What do you suggest?" " A kiss?" " A kiss." "A kiss, everybody!" "Can you believe it?" "He wants a kiss!" " OK, OK!" "You decide what then." " I was thinking, like, a slap." " Like you need a game for that?" " Well, you can slap me too!" " I don't want" "Why would I want" " Just" " Shh!" "Here we go." "Here we go." "# Whistling Pachelbel's Canon #" "Is that what you call a slap?" " I-I'd call it not wanting" "You didn't see what foot" " Yes, I did." " You were looking at me!" " Was not!" " He came from the other direction!" " We never specified direction!" " OK, well, you're" " Hey, no blocking!" "# Pachelbel's Canon #" "What?" "Oh boy!" " Just stop!" " OK!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" " Truce!" "Truce." " Truce?" " Help a poor marching band get a new tuba?" "All right!" "Thanks, man!" " You're too kind for your own good." " You know what?" "I know... that you don't really want to hurt me." " Well, I know that you deserved every slap that you got." " I know you don't mean that." " Game over." " I got you, don't worry." " Here." " You're falling." "Hey, got" " What kind of stupid idea is this?" "Whoa!" " Jesus!" "OK, you're good." " Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine." " Just let go." " Let go!" "Let go!" " You want- you sure?" "OK, here." " I'm fine." " OK." " Oh!" "OK." " Here you go." " Thank you." " An amusement park, you know?" "I love amusement parks!" " Yeah, but it's my birthday." " I know!" "That's why we're at the" " Right." " The amusement... park." "Come on!" "Come on!" "First in 10 from the Jets..." " Why don't you think about it?" "Want to keep track." "Boom." "Thank you." " You owe me one, Leo." "A huge one." " T-minus 10 minutes till music and fireworks." " Mmm." " It starts off kind of slow, but it gets" " Ha!" "Oh my god!" " Hands on your heads." " Are you part of it?" "Because" " I said hands on your heads!" "What are you doing here?" " Uh, it's a very special birthday celebration." "What are you doing here?" " I'm hiding out." " Great!" "This is really great." " I'm not happy about it either." " Hands on your heads and move!" " Best birthday ever." " "One should recall what one owes-"" " Hey!" "Hey!" "Was a crazy guy with a machine gun part of the program?" " No." " I'm just saying" " But I asked for one thing." " When have you not had a good time at an amusement park, besides this time?" " Shut up!" "What is your relationship?" " We're just friends, sir." " Bullshit!" "One look at you two, I know that's not true." " Give me my jacket." "Where's my manual?" " I had a girlfriend too." " Oh, I'm not his girlfriend." " For a year and a half." "But then, when I enlisted, she left me for this Frenchman!" "Can you believe it?" "A Frenchman!" "We had a dog!" "Yorkshire terrier." "Rufus." "But you know what?" "Fuck Rufus!" "'Cause he too now seems to love the Frenchman!" " Uh, who do I" " I gotta have my manual." " Hello?" "Hello?" " Where's my manual?" " So tonight, at lights out, grabbed my weapon, and I came to kill them, Rufus included." "But they weren't home." "I have the worse luck." " I'm sorry." "Had we known, we would've gone to Six Flags." " I'm on hold." " I got it!" "I found the manual." " I change my mind." "I'm not gonna kill them." " I'm gonna kill myself." " Uh, well, that's sad to hear, but if" " You know, I heard when you fire a bullet into your head, your entire skull explodes." "You know, as opposed to this sort of little, red bullet-hole thing you see in the movies." " What's the difference?" "You're dead!" " Why kill yourself?" "It's not gonna make her come back to you." " But it'll put me out of my misery." "And it'll hurt her." "She'll never be the same." " You're wrong, 'cause time will pass, and she'll be fine." " How do you know?" " Because that's the way it works." " How do you know?" " It has to be." " So then I'm screwed." "If I kill myself, it accomplishes nothing, plus I'm dead." "If I don't, I get court- martialled for desertion." " Of the two, I would go with the court martial though." "Good luck!" " You know what?" "Your eyebrows remind me of the Frenchman's" " Take me." "Let her go." " What?" " Jordan, it's been very nice getting to know you a little." "Um, happy birthday." " No." " This is between you and me." "Let her go." " Drop your weapon!" " I will not!" "You drop your weapons!" " No, you drop your weapon!" " You drop your weapons!" " Wait!" " You drop your weapon!" " You can't make me!" " Yes, I can!" " You drop your weapon!" " No, you!" " Just wait a second!" "Just please, wait!" " No, you!" " Wait a minute!" "Listen to me!" "You're girlfriend, she broke your heart, didn't she?" " Yes!" " She left you." "She broke her promise and betrayed you." " Yes!" "Yes, she did." " Some of us are meant to suffer!" "Some of us are led to believe that we have this certain destiny, and then it just gets snatched away." "But we have to stay alive." "Because we have to see... how the story ends." "Right?" "Please." " Hey!" "If you're smart you'll stay with her!" "She's a great girlfriend!" "I can tell." "Suspect is down!" "I say again:" "suspect is down!" " We're just friends." "So that's what you think?" " Not exactly, um, I" " I-I hadn't" "I" " I don't know what category." " Listen!" "We're seeing each other." " We are?" " Of course." " OK!" "Her birthday was an unmitigated disaster, but all things considered..." " Come on!" " ..." "I felt pretty good, because I had seen the depth of her soul, and I found out we were seeing each other." " Gotcha!" " Hey!" "Let's do this." " Oh, yeah!" " Oh!" " Aah!" " Whoops!" "Oh!" "Wait!" "# Pachelbel's Canon #" " Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Some days with her were..." "painful." "OK, Rork wins" " Roark!" " So, are there any questions about..." " But hours without her were even worse." "Hi." "Waiting." " You look just like him." " Uh, I've been told." " You're his brother?" " Cousin." " Ah!" "I miss him and your aunt." "They came in here every Sunday for years, always took the same table." "She's hardly been back since." " Um" " You miss me?" " Yeah." " Great." "Thank you!" " Certainly." " I have a present for you." " Do you?" " Ta-da!" " Oh, good!" " What?" "You don't wanna read it?" " No, I-I- I most certainly do." "Thank you." "Bounty hunter." " It's a Western!" "And the outlaw's name is Chuck!" " The heroine was a mysterious bounty hunter, who arrived one day from parts unknown." " The Bounty Hunter!" "It's good title!" " It's a great title!" " Read it." " I'm not good at reading and talking." " Read it!" " OK, I'm reading it." " Are you reading it?" " I am, uh, reading it." " Just picture it, OK?" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Do-do-do!" "Do-do-do!" "Oh, how you'll like it!" " She kills him." "What a shock!" "Only then does she reveal where she came from..." "The future." " Isn't it great?" " Ooh!" "It's, uh..." "It is..." "It's is..." "Uh... question." "Why, uh, why does the heroine always come from the future?" " Because I believe in time travel." "I believe that in the future it's already been invented, and that there are people from the future with us as we speak." "And I think that one day," "I will eventually meet someone from the future." " I'm sure you will then." " I have another present for you." " OK." "What is that?" " You've been granted an interview with the vampire." "A regional sales manager named Mr. Phipps, who will be selecting Tiller King management trainees." "Drinks tomorrow." "His hotel." " OK, that is great news." "Um, where did you get this?" " Your mailbox." " You went through my mail?" "Why would you go- That's illegal!" "You're not" " Are we gonna argue about that?" " Yes!" " Or are you gonna have a great dinner tonight, wake up tomorrow and have an amazing interview and call me the second that it's done." " What a city, huh, Charlie?" " Yes, sir!" "Yes, sir, Mr. Phipps." " You know, I can never remember." "Is the Bronx up or the Battery down or the Battery up and the Bronx down?" " First one, I think." " Right!" "Right!" "Sure!" " Drinks, gentlemen?" " Diet Pepsi, please." " And for you?" " 2 Diet Pepsis, comin' up!" " So, Charlie!" "Your dad works at the maintenance facility in French Lick?" " Uh, 27 years, sir, yes." " Looked him up." "He is a model employee." "I mean, you only wish every employee was cut from the same cloth!" "if you're a chip off that block, let me tell you," "I think your chances are pretty good indeed." " Uh, that is" " All right!" " Diet Pepsi for you." "Diet Pepsi for you!" "Oops!" "And a double tequila for me!" "Charlie, push over." " You two know each other?" " Uh, this, uh, this is Mr. Phipps." "This is Jordan Roark." "We are" " She" "We're- we're seeing each other." " Well!" " Oh!" " It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Roark." " Oh, well the pleasure is all mine, Mr. Phipps." " To the Tiller King Company!" " Yes, indeed!" " Oh boy!" " Oh!" "Oh." "Dmitri!" "Can I get another one?" " Right away!" " Oh, I'm sorry, did you- anything else?" " No, no, no." "We're good." " Uh, Mr. Phipps" " How did you two meet each other?" " Uh" " Well, it depends on who you believe." "Either I got drunk and passed out in the subway platform, or he drugged me." " She's so silly!" " I see!" " Tequila?" "Double?" " Yes, thank you!" "To the Tiller King Company!" "Whoo!" " Righty-o!" " Cheers!" " Righty-o!" " Um, as I was, uh..." " Ah!" " ... saying about the annual report, uh..." " Dmitri!" "Another!" " Got it!" " Oh, there I go again." "Anyone else?" " No." " No, thank you." " Oh boy!" " Um, I, uh" " How long have you two been together?" " Oh, not very long." "We're still in the beginning phases." "I haven't seen his penis yet." " There you are!" " Ha ha!" "Tequila double." "Thank you!" "Hey!" "Do not lose that bottle!" " I won't!" " To the King Killerton..." "Tiller King, King Tiller." "Whatever!" "Cheers." "Oh god!" " She's, um" " That is wrong, but so good!" " She's" " She's uh..." "She's gone through a lot recently." " Charlie?" " Yeah, yeah." "You're" " You OK?" "Oh, OK." "It's OK." "It's OK." " Oh god!" " I should get her" " Can I help you?" " No, no, no!" "It's easy as pie." "Um, a pleasure, sir." "Really, I look forward to, um, to-to hearing from you and" " Give me a call." " I'm gonna get her outta here." "I'm sorry." "Bye!" " To the Killer Ting!" " Shh!" " I'm concerned, Charlie." "I mean, I get it." "This girl's smart, she's interesting, she's insanely hot, she's making you live." "So what I'm going to say, should be heard within that context." "OK." "She's a friggin' nut!" "She's bent on destroying you in every way possible, your physical person, your emotional person, your personal person!" "Add those things up, that's a whole person!" "Now, there's something to be said for being exquisitely tortured and financially bled." "As long as it's by the right girl." "What bothers me is that while you do perform many of the traditional functions of a boyfriend, you are not, it is my understanding, sleeping with her." "Is that correct?" " You know, it is possible for two people to have a relationship without sleeping together." " Yes, and they have a word for that." "Friendship." " Oh, sure, yeah!" "Where'd you get that?" "Your German porn collection?" "Everything will work itself out in due time." "She is still getting over her break-up." " Forget about the sex then." "Let's just talk about what the sex brings with it:" "mainly, a little emotional investment on her part." "In the absence of which, she could really wind up killing you, Charlie." " OK, all right." "On the reasons-to- stop-seeing-her side, we have" "One, on-going physical danger." "Two, high likelihood of a broken heart." "Three, uh, career sabotage." "Four, she is clinically insane." "Five, she seems to enjoy my pain." "Six... 14-piece match set of Louis Vuitton emotional baggage." "Seven, I haven't even kissed her yet for god's sake!" "Uh, 5, 6, 7..." "Eight, she's ruining my life." " And the reasons to keep seeing her?" " I'm in love with her." " Hello." " I'm sorry about the interview." " Yeah, I really wish you hadn't done that." "I couldn't let you just give your life and your brain to those people." " I want to give my life and my brain to those people." " No, you don't!" "Just think of it as me saving you from yourself." " I see." "Come on, Charlie, that's why human beings exist!" "To save each other from ourselves." " It's an interesting theory." " I still wanna make it up to you." "Tomorrow's our 33rd day since we met." " Is it?" " Meet me at Arts and Sciences, Room 105, at 1:00 o'clock tomorrow afternoon." "And bring a single red rose." " No!" "No!" "No!" "You know what?" "You can't" "You can't, uh, just boss me around, you know?" "Enough is enough." "Hello?" "Are you there?" "Are you there?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "OK." " Aw, crap!" "Uh..." "OK, uh, one single red rose, like she said." "# Pachelbel's Canon #" "Whatever she was going through, it was beyond anything in my experience, and beyond my ability to fix." "I had no right to judge her." "If I chose to stay with her, knowing the risks, all I could do was give her love and respect... and see how the story would end." " I don't wear underwear on days I play the piano." " Really." " Should we get out of here?" " Yeah." " Uh" "Aw, my feet are killing me." " I could give you a foot rub." " No, no, we'll just exchange shoes." " What?" " No!" "No!" " Fine!" " # Dum-dee-dum- dee-dee-do-dee #" "These aren't gonna work." " That's what I thought." "We didn't know if it was sleeping, or whatever, and so he was like:" ""Why don't you throw a rock at it?"" "And I was like: "No, you throw a rock at it." "By this point, we were only 7 years old." "I didn't know if I was right or left-handed" " I bet the water isn't very deep." "What do you think?" " Uh, I was" " I was kind of in the middle of a" "I don't know." "I don't have any way to" " Why don't you come sit up here and tell me what you think?" " That's not gonna help me fi" "It's kind of dangerous, actually." "We can go to tourist information, or maybe on the Internet." " Charlie, don't be such a wuss!" "I just wanna know how deep it is!" " I'm not a wu" "There's a sign!" "It's forbidden!" " Yeah, OK." "Just finish your story." " Whoa!" " Whoopsie!" " Why me?" " Well, that's surprisingly deep." "Charlie!" " OK, OK." " Was that deep enough for you?" " So it's true?" " What?" " You don't wear underwear on recital days." " I never lie." " Oh, wow!" "Oh!" "Damn it!" " Yes!" "Yes!" " Sorry." "I'm sorry!" " Great!" " Um, sorry." " Jordan." " It's late." " Could be worse." " Good night, young man." " It's OK." " I-I'm sorry." " I said goodnight, young man." " Dad, enough, OK?" "I'm allowed to have whoever I want over." " I'm sick and tired of it." "I've had it!" " I don't want to hear it anymore!" " ..." "loss of control over yourself!" "I told you not to see him anymore!" "Do you understand me?" " What you're trying to do is not helping." " How do you know what I'm trying to do?" " You know what" " I'm trying to make you responsible..." "# I've seen faces around #" " I didn't hear from her for a couple weeks." "# While many often bring me down #" "Three weeks, actually." "# Spin me around... #" "And 4 days... 9 hours, 20 minutes, 6 and a half seconds... roughly." "# This crazy situation's been runnin' my mind... #" "# To satisfy my superstitions #" "# You see me runnin'... #" " I have to go to the bathroom." " OK!" "# With superstitions #" " Whoa!" "# Need contradictions #" "# For my superstitions #" " Hello." " It's me." " Hi." " Come to the restaurant near the park." "Now." " Uh, why?" " 'Cause there's someone I want you to meet." " Who?" " A guy." " I can't." " Why not?" " I am out with a girl." " No, you're not." " Yeah, I am." " Are you on your way?" " No, I'm not coming!" "Nice penis." "Gotta go!" " That was really, really nice." " You should've called me." "Why didn't you call me?" " I know, I shouldn't be drinking." " I told you!" " Hello?" " Hi!" "I'm Jean-Jacques." "It's nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you." " Please, have a seat." " Were you really with a girl?" " No, I was with a guy." " I knew it." " Well, uh, Charlie, I've heard a lot about you." " Have you?" " I understand you're a good friend of Jordan's." " That's right." " Would you excuse me, please?" " Where's Charlie?" " He left." "He said he had to study." " Oh." " You were right." "I liked him very much." "In fact, he gave me 10 rules to follow in our relationship, which I thought was a little odd, but generous." " What were they?" " Let's see." "First, don't let her drink." "When she does, use the fireman's carry." "Be prepared to go to jail." " Don't expect a lot of help from her dad." "Whatever you think is gonna happen next, you're wrong." "If her feet hurt, exchange shoes with her." "Learn to say the following phrase over and over to yourself:" "It's all part of the charm." "On your 33rd day together, bring her a single rose." "Give it to her in her recital class." "If she says she's gonna kill you, don't assume it's a metaphor." "She likes to write." "Encourage her." "And finally, your time with her will be the happiest you've been in your life." "Enjoy every second." " Hey, watch out!" " Charlie." "Wake up!" "Hey, wake up!" " What?" "Attention passengers on..." "downtown platform." " What kind of diction is that?" "How could anyone understand you?" " Should I make the announcement at all?" "Because I could easily forget the whole" " I would rather, if you're gonna do something nice for someone, that you did it properly and well." " This PA system is 50 years old!" "If the queen of England made the announcement you wouldn't understand it!" " The queen wouldn't step foot in this shithole!" " I'll tell you what." "You make the announcement." "We'll see if you can do any better." " Well, it couldn't be any worse, right?" "Let's see." " Charlie?" "I'm sorry." "He's just a guy my father made me go out with." " Sorry!" " Every second I was with him," "I was wishing it was you, and that's why I called you tonight." "I couldn't take it anymore." " That's him!" " Charlie, I need you." "Please, come to the station master's office, OK?" "She's this rat-faced woman, all right?" "But she'll let you in." "OK?" "She's on the second floor." "Charlie, please, just come to the station master's office." "I'm sorry." "Just don't..." "Don't leave me." "Charlie!" " Charlie!" "Praise Jesus!" "All right?" "You can go now." "Wait!" "Who said you could hug me?" " Nobody!" " I like the way you handle me." "Come on!" " That night, all she wanted to do was dance." "# You and I #" "# Alone in the night #" "# Dancing to the rhythm #" "# Of a love shining so bright #" "# I can't take my eyes off you #" "# Tell me darling if it's true #" "# The skies smile from high above #" "# I'm in love #" "# Takin' a chance #" "# That this restless summer night #" "# Gave us a fine romance #" " Whoa!" "# When you're near me #" "# I fall like an evanescent star #" "# Smiling from high above #" "# I'm in love #" " But unfortunately she drank too much and passed out." "# I'm in love #" "# I'm in love #" "Sir..." "Would you mind, uh, taking the long way through the park?" " Hey, Charlie!" "How's it goin'?" " Good, Jimmy!" "Thank you." " OK." "Oh!" "Oh, here we go." " She's- she's" " OK!" " OK." " Hello, Miss Roark." "How you doin'?" " Good." " Thank you." " Yep!" "See you next Thursday!" " Hello." " Are you thinking about me?" " Yeah, um, are you feeling beter?" " Yes." " What are you laughing at?" " Write me a letter telling me how you feel about me." "In truthful prose that is deeply moving and not baroque." "Don't overwrite." "I cannot bear that." " OK." " I'm gonna write a letter to you telling you how I feel about you." " Are you?" " Mm-hmm." "And believe me, my letter is going to be extremely well-written." " I'm sure." " So work hard on your letter." "Otherwise you're gonna be embarrassed by the comparison." " I will!" " Bring it to Central Park." "I'll meet you at the promenade at 2:00 o'clock." " OK." " Write well." " Yeah, um, you too." " Oh, I will." " What?" "Do you suppose someone could be heard from all the way at the other end?" " Yeah!" "Well, no." "May" "Maybe." "Maybe." "It's very far." "I think" " I think if you had one person who was extremely loud and the other person had good hearing." " Go over there." "I'll scream something from here and answer if you hear me." " You want me to go all the way down there?" "Just so you can..." " Yeah." " All the way down to the end?" " Yes." "Charlie!" "Can you hear me?" "Charlie, can you hear me?" "I'm sorry!" "I'm so sorry, I" "I can't help it." "I" "I can't help it!" "I thought I was different!" "I thought I was stronger, but I'm not." " Why do we have a cocktail shaker?" "Were you crying before?" " It's a time capsule." "Give me your letter." " Why?" " We're gonna put 'em in here and bury them, and exactly a year from now, we're gonna come back and we're gonna dig it up, read the letters, and maybe then we'll have the answer." " What's the question?" " The question is, are we going to be together?" " Well, I'm glad that's the question." "Why do we have to wait a year to find out?" " I explain it in my letter." " Which I have to wait a year to read." "A year is a long time." "A lot can happen." " Yeah." "We'll meet back here, under the tree, exactly a year from now." "At 2:00 O'clock, OK?" "# I put a record on #" " Good?" " Yeah." "# Put it on and sing along with you #" "# Sing along with you #" "Come on." "# And that's OK by me #" "# That's OK #" "You take the first one." "# Because in a way I'm free... #" " We could ride together." " No, I'll take the next one." "If I don't say goodbye to you now, I won't be able to." " Then don't." " I have to." " Why?" " It's in the letter." "# I will try #" " Right." "# And dry my eyes #" "# And I'm OK if we're drinkin' #" "# Grab a beer and disappear with me #" "# Disappear with me #" "# And I put a record on #" "# I put it on and get it one with you #" "# Get it on with you #" " Jordan?" " Charlie!" "# This time #" "Charlie?" "# You'll find #" "Where are you?" "Charlie!" "# Some other gonna mess your mind #" "# It's too late or too soon #" "# Some other gonna come #" "# Come too soon #" "# Put it on #" "# I will try and dry my eyes #" "# Put it on #" " I knew what she'd be thinking." "We were meant to be separated." "So that's how we broke up." "Among my goals for the next year, were to improve myself for when we got back together." "It wasn't gonna be easy." "I had what you call "poor hand-eye coordination", and no natural buoyancy." "Oh!" "But what I lacked in ability, I made up for in determination." "Within 6 months, I was beating Mr. Snapperstein." " Oy!" " I could swim the crawl." "And, my kendo instructor stopped calling me" ""He Who Dies Repeatedly"." "I filed a Hail Mary application with the Tiller King people." "But I didn't hold out a lot of hope." "As a backup, I took Estate Planning, which was only slightly less boring than actually dying." "Leo met new and interesting people." "Um, this was before anyone peed." "My feelings for Jordan didn't diminish at all." "But then, I didn't want them to." " Oh!" " Whoa!" " You have to go out with other people." "You can't just sit around waiting for a year." " Because it's unwatchable!" " Jordan." " Why not?" " Because what would be the point?" " Twelve." "Just go out with 12 regular girls, as a personal favour to me." " Eight." " Ten" " Ten." " I mean, I wouldn't mind..." "# She won't stop to teach them all... #" " Sort of like an MBA in the mind, huh?" " Yeah." " Um, um, uh..." " If you knew that, you wouldn't have done that." "Or would you?" " Um..." " I'm sorry!" " I, uh, OK." " C-H-E-R-R-I-S" " Tremendously..." " Yeah, I don't think this is gonna work." " Anyway, it made the time go by faster." "Finally, the day came." "I" " I was a little nervous." "A little bit, you know." "Slightly on edge." " Want me to go with you?" " Why would I" "Why would I possibly?" " OK." " But thank you." " That's the bathroom." " I know!" "I was, of course, early and she was, of course, late." "I didn't start to worry until 2:30, 2:45." "Uh, by 3:00 I still wanted to wait just a little longer, but by 4:00, I had to face facts." "She wasn't coming." "And there was only one thing to do." " Dear Charlie." "Hi." "How was your year?" "Charlie, I have some things to tell you." "When we first met," "I said that my fiancée had broken up with me." "That was a lie." "Truth is he passed away." "All he said in his note was that he was sorry, but that there was too much pain." "I was devastated." "I couldn't accept it." "You know, I began to drink, which, as you've seen, I'm not very good at." "Oh, and I was frequently brought home by strangers in taxi cabs, and that's why my father acted the way he did towards you." "Honestly, if you ever get to know him, he's a very nice man." "I was very close to my fiancée's mother." "I tried to go see her a little while after he died." "She said she had a great guy she wanted to introduce me to." "I couldn't bear the thought of it." "And then I met you." "You reminded me of him." "You were both strong and kind and confident..." "in your own way." "Charles Bellow." " Charlie." " Hmm." "You even look like him." "And there were many other parallels." "They were small, but they seemed important." "He and I met on a subway platform." "Just as you and I met." "Like you, he carried a handkerchief." "I was very sick at the time and he took care of me... like you did." "As you and I got to know each other," "I felt the cloud begin to lift a little bit." "I thought this was because of the similarities between you and him." "And so I decided that you and I would do everything he and I had done." "That way, it would be almost like he had never died and the pain would stop." "Because on our 33rd day together, he brought a rose to my class," "I asked you to do the same." "Because he and I planned our future under this tree," "I chose it for you and me as well." "Because he and I had a favourite restaurant..." "Cheers!" "I brought you there." "And because he died in the ocean..." "I pushed you to go in... and then saved you." "All of this was crazy and selfish and wrong, I know." "But grief can make us crazy." "Anyway, it didn't work" "And at a certain point," "I realized I didn't like you because you were like him." " Whoa!" " I liked you because I liked you." "But every time I started to be happy," "I would stop myself." "It felt wrong to be happy." "It felt wrong to let go, to just forget about him, even for just a minute." "It felt like I was betraying him." "All I could do was hurt you and that's not me, Charlie." "That's not me at all." "And someday, I hope I can show you as much." "Something had to be done." "In order for us to have a chance in the future," "I had to make a break with the past." "And for this, I needed time." "I hope I've healed during our year apart." "And that I'm sitting with you while you read this." "But if I'm not..." "It's not because I don't love you." "Because I do." "And it's not because I don't miss you." "Because I miss you already." "It'll just mean that I'm not better." "And that the story isn't over yet." "Will you wait for me, Charlie?" "Can you wait?" "With all my heart, I hope you can." "Love, Jordan." " Sir, is everything OK?" " Yes." "Oh, yes." "Forgive me for staring." "When I was younger, I would've tried to be more discreet." "But at my age, I don't pretend anymore." "What's the point?" " I understand." " So it's OK with you if I stare?" " Stare away if you'd like." " That's great." "Thank you, thank you." " Is this your tree?" "Yes." "Well, not exactly, but this tree and I have a secret." " You do!" "So do this tree and I." " Is this your rock pile?" " Yes." " What does it mark?" " Well..." "A year and a day ago, my boyfriend and I, we buried letters here." "We promised to meet back a year later to read them, but I didn't show up yesterday." " I see." " What's your secret?" " Tell me, have you been back here since you buried the letters?" " No." " Do you know what's happened in the meantime?" " No." " Look closely at the tree." "Does it look as you remembered it?" " Oh, uh, at first I thought so, but now I'm not so sure!" " Four months ago, the tree that was standing here was struck and killed by lightening." "The young man who replaced the tree comes here quite a lot." "We've spoken once or twice." " You can traumatize the roots." "I read it." " What are you, Martha Stewart?" " He tells me it's very important that there be a tree here." "Do you suppose he's the one with whom you buried the letters?" " Yeah." " He's very nice." "Very strong in his way." " Yeah, he is." " Now, does the fact that you've come here today mean that you're healed?" "Yeah, I read your letters." "I'm sorry." "It's very wrong of me, but it gets very boring just coming, sitting here sketching." "Besides, I told you, old people just do what they want." " It's OK." " So... are you ready to be with him now?" " Well, I wouldn't have come if I wasn't ready." " Great." "That's wonderful." "Come on, I want you to read the letter and call him." "I'll help you dig." " Uh..." " What?" " Well, I'll read his letter, but I'm not gonna call him." " What are you nuts?" "After all you've been through?" " If it was meant to be," "I would've been healed by yesterday." " What kind of nonsense is that?" "Yesterday was one day ago." "Your healing was off by one day?" " One very important day." "Destiny has spoken." "And to search for him, would be like trying to shape and mould destiny and that just can't be a good idea." " Just suppose that the shaping and moulding of destiny is in fact your destiny." " Ha!" "I never thought about it like that." " I'll tell you what destiny means if you really wanna know." "That's the least I can do for you letting me stare." " What does it mean?" " Destiny is the bridge you build to the one you love." " Yeah, but if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, right?" " Aw!" "I've been hearing people say that to me for 78 years, and I gotta tell you, it really pisses me off!" "OK, I'll leave you to your letter." "It's not polite for me to stay." "Besides, you're going to cry." "It's very moving." "He must've written many drafts." "I wish you a story with a happy ending... and the wisdom to look for it." " Thank you." " I got the job." " That's fantastic, Charlie!" " That's unbelievable!" " Yeah, you have no idea." "Um, here's the thing." " Yeah?" " Uh-huh?" " I don't wanna work for Tiller King." " Why not?" " I-I'm sorry." "I ju" " I don't." " Well, wha" "What are you gonna do then?" " I'm gonna live." "Dear Jordan," "This is the story of the first and last time I ever fell in love." "And of the beautiful, complicated, fascinating woman who inhabits my soul." "I'm pretty sure you're gonna leave me tomorrow, so I better say this while I have the chance." "Whether we're together or apart," "You will always be the woman of my life." "The only man I will ever envy is the man who wins your heart, and I will always believe it was my destiny to be that man." "If we never see each other again, and you're out walking one day and you feel a certain presence beside you... that will be me... loving you... wherever I am." " I mean, should I just forget about her?" "I should forget about her." "Because, realistically, it's" " I mean..." "Realistically, could we ever really be together is the question, you know?" "And where is the line between romantic and delusional?" "And how-how do you know once you've crossed said line, you know?" "Do we live in the physical world that we can touch, or do we live in the world we create in our minds?" "You should be a business major." "Excuse me, I said sparkling." " Oh, there she is!" "Oh, you've gotten even more beautiful." " Oh, please!" "You've not aged a day!" " Oh!" "So, how are you?" " I'm good." "Yeah." " Somewhere in heaven, my son is sad." " No." "No, no, no." "He's not." " Oh." "No, you're right." "He's happy for you." "I'm happy for you." " Thank you." " So, shall I tell you about this boy?" " Oh" " He's the one I wanted to introduce you to a year and a half ago, but neither of you showed up." "He's a business student." " Aunt Sally!" " He's very, very smart." "So handsome." "Jordan." "This is Charlie." " Oh..." " I'm" " I'm sorry." "Am I" "Do you two know each other?" " And that's how the story ended." "Or, in a sense, how it began." " I told you I'd meet a man from the future." " Not bad, huh?" "And as for the question of destiny, all I know is that even when destiny really wants to accomplish something, it can't do it alone." "You still have to go to that restaurant." "You still have to show up." "You still have to build a bridge to the one you love."