"Bim bam boom, bim bam boom" "La mula..." "Va bailando detras del" "Bim bam boom." "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "Thank you, my devoted public." "What brings you down here this time of day?" "Hollywood called!" "I got the screen test!" "No." "Hollywood called, and I didn't get the screen test?" "No, Hollywood didn't call." "It has nothing to do with the screen test." "Oh." "I just happened to be downtown shopping and I thought I'd drop by and bring you a letter that came this morning." "Oh." "It's special delivery." "I thought it might be important." "Well, that's very sweet of you, honey, but you could have called me over the phone and read it to me." "Please, I do not approve of reading other people's mail." "Oh." "Besides, it was all in Spanish." "Oh, it's from Mother." "Oh, what does she say?" "Oh, isn't this wonderful!" "What?" ""Por fin, voy a poder hacer" ""el viaje a los estados unidos" ""Si todo sala bien," ""saldre por avion la semana entrante y si no te es inconveniente" ""me gustaria hospedarme en tu casa por unos cuantos dias."" "Isn't it wonderful?" "!" "Wonderful!" "What did she say?" "I forgot." "Well, she's finally coming to visit us!" "She is?" "Yeah." "She is?" "What's the matter, honey?" "Oh, gee, I-I'm kind of afraid to meet your mother after all these years." "Oh, now, don't be silly." "She says she'll be here next week sometime." "She'll wire us to tell us the exact time." "Ricky?" "Yeah?" "Do you think she'll like me?" "Oh, honey... she'll love you just as much as I do." "I hope so." "Sure." "Mr. Ricardo..." "Say, Professor..." "Permission to audition the act?" "Yeah." "We're ready anytime you're ready." "Thank you." "Okay." "Who's that?" "Oh, a Professor Buonanova." "He's got a mind-reading act, and we might use him at the club." "Does he really read people's minds?" "So he says." "Presenting Professor Buonanova, mind reader extraordinaire." "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "Hear, Hear!" "Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to witness the most amazing mind-reading feat of the century." "And now I'd like a volunteer from the audience, please." "Oh, thank you, madam." "Me?" "Go ahead." "Now... what's the date of your birth?" "August 6." "August 6, what?" "August 6, period." "Oh, won't you tell me the year, too?" "He's the mind reader;" "let him tell you." "Professor..." "I'm thinking of a date." "A date..." "A date..." "The date is the sixth of August." "Why, Rick..." "Oh, you told him when my birthday was." "No, honey, I just met him." "Go on now, you told him." "Let's try something else." "Tell me something that no one else could possibly know." "All right." "I know something that even Ricky doesn't know." "A nickname when I was in grade school..." "I'm thinking of a name, Professor." "A name..." "A nickname..." "One she used when she was in grade school." "Th-The name is..." "Bird Legs!" "Why, that's fantastic!" "Did you hear that?" "Well, honey, push your eyes back into your head." "He wasn't really reading your mind." "But he knew all those things!" "Of course." "I know." "They do it, uh..." "with electro-knicks." ""Electro-knicks"?" "I think he means electronics." "Oh." "Yeah, that's it." "That's what I said." "Yes, we do the act with a shortwave setup, you see?" "Here is the receiver." "And I have the microphone here." "Oh, for heaven's sake." "Then he really heard what I tol..." "oh." "Of course." "Isn't that clever?" "Well, Professor, that's a wonderful act." "We'll buy it." "You can start tomorrow night." "Fine." "Muchas gracias, Senor Ricardo." "Muy respeto, Gracias." "Senora." "Adios." "Aren't they great?" "They sure are." "Ricky?" "Yeah?" "You really think your mother will like me?" "Of course she will, honey." "She'll love you from the top of your pretty red head to the bottom of your skinny bird legs." "Oh!" "Hi." "Hi." ""Carne de puerco con chile vurdy."" "What are you doing?" "I'm going through this Cuban cookbook." "You know, according to Ricky, his mother thinks I'm the best cook and housekeeper in the whole wide world." "Oh, brother." "When is she coming?" "I don't know; she's gonna wire us ahead of time." "Well, when do you start the housecleaning?" "Oh, I wasn't going to do anything special." "The apartment's all clean." "Honey, your mother- in-law is coming!" "Stand by for dust inspection." "Oh, Ethel, you don't think" "Ricky's mother is coming all the way up from Cuba just to check on my housekeeping?" "Why not?" "Fred's mother comes all the way from Indiana once a year just to look under my rug!" "Oh-ho-ho-ho!" "Oh, brother, if I thought she'd stay home," "I'd send her the rug and a box of dirt." "Oh, I don't think Ricky's mother is like that." "Honey, a mother-in-law is a mother-in-law." "Don't take any chances." "You know what she'll do." "She'll open every drawer," "She'll go through all the closets." "She'll go under the bed, over the transom, all around the picture frames." "Oh, Ethel..." "I'm telling you." "Really?" "Mm." "Ethel!" "What?" "Where's my lunch?" "I'm coming." "I got to go." "Don't say I didn't warn you." "Lucy!" "Lucy!" "Lucy, she's here!" "She's here!" "Who's here?" "!" "Ricky's mother." "I just saw her getting out of a cab." "H-H-How do you know it's Ricky's mother?" "She tried to pay the cab driver in pesos." "And she looks like those pictures you showed me." "Well, here, help me put this stuff back in the closet." "Oh..." "Oh, that's the way it always is." "They tell you they'll let you know when they're coming, they never do!" "Until you find out..." "Oh, for heaven's sake!" "I didn't expect her for a week!" "Oh, it'll always be like this." "All right." "Okay." "Whoa!" "Push, you push!" "I'll hold it." "Push it." "There it goes." "Clear this up." "Oh, my gosh!" "Here, take this." "Lucita?" "Yes?" "Yo soy la mama de Ricky." "Y tu no puedes ser otra persona que Lucita." "Ay, Lucita, mi hija." "Que ganas tenia de verte." "Oh, Mother Ricardo, we didn't expect you so soon." "We didn't get a wire saying you were arriving or anything." "I..." "I'm so sorry." "?" "Como?" "I..." "I was just cleaning up the house and I..." "I'm a mess, and the place is a mess and..." "Oh, I wanted everything to be so nice when you got here." "Yo no hablo Ingles." "What?" "No hablo Ingles." "Oh... oh!" "Well, uh... uh... uh, me no habla Spanish." "No Espanol, no Espanol." "?" "Que se puede hacer?" "Huh?" "?" "Que se puede hacer?" "Yeah, well, yeah." "?" "Donde esta mi nieto?" "Huh?" "Mi nieto." "Oh, oh, yes, I'll hang it up." "No, no, no, no." "El bebe, el bebe." "Oh, oh, the baby." "Oh, oh, little Ricky." "Riquito, Riquito." "Yeah, well, he's sleeping." "Sleeping..." "sleeping." "Ay, ique lastima!" "Yeah, well, do you want to see him?" "Como." "iQue muchacho tan lindo!" "Es un encanto." "Se parece a Ricky." "Well, we-we think he's pretty nice." "Thank you very much." "We think he's..." "Cablegram." "Oh." "It's in Spanish, but I have a feeling you're arriving today." "Uh... sit-o." "Sit-o." "I'll, I'll call Ricky." "Ricky?" "Um, uh... me telefono Ricky." "Ya se, vas a hablarle a Ricky por telefono." "Uh, si... si." "Yeah." "Hello, hello, I'd like to speak to Mr. Ricardo, please." "This is..." "Oh." "Well, have you any idea when you expect him?" "Oh, well, no, no message." "Thank you." "Um..." "Uh... if you'll excuse me, I'll, I'll fix my dinner." "Uh... dinner?" "Fix dinner?" "Eat, dinner?" "Ah, comida, comida." "Vas a hacer la comida." "Yeah, well, all right." "?" "Que vas a preparar?" "Wha... what?" "Preparar, pre-pa-rar." "Pre-pa-rar." "Preparar." "Preparar." "Pre-pa-rar, oh, prepa, prep, prepare!" "Si, si." "Prepare, what am I preparing?" "What am I having for dinner?" "Si." "Ah, well, I'm having chicken and rice." "Uh... uh... chicken and rice, how do you say that in Spanish?" "Uh, uh... oh, I, I knew that." "Chicken, chic...?" "Chicken." "Uh... chicken." "Ya se, gallina, gallina." "?" "Gallina?" "Si." "Well, I don't think so, but, anyway, we're having it with rice." "Rice." "Arroz!" "Arroz!" "Arroz con pollo." "Arroz con pollo!" "Arroz con pollo!" "That's it." "Arroz con pollo." "Yeah, well, that's what we're having." "Uh..." "Ricky, uh... will be home soon." "Uh..." "Ricky casa soon." "Soon?" "Soon." "Any minute now." "Hi, honey..." "Mother!" "Mi vida!" "When did you get in?" "Yo estaba deseosa de verte." "Why didn't you call me?" "Well, I tried... ?" "Cuando llegaste?" "Has she seen the baby?" "Yeah." "?" "Tu viste tu nieto ya?" "?" "Estas orgullosa?" "Huh?" "Oh, oh, isn't this wonderful?" "The three of us finally got together." "Yeah." "Come on, sit down, sit down." "Let's, let's, let's get to know each other good, huh?" "Oigame, tu no sabes lo contento que estoy." "?" "Cuando llegaras?" "Aterrizamos a las dos." "Mande un cable de Havana pero llego despues que yo." "?" "El cable llego despues que tu?" "El cable llego despues que tu." "Listen." "How do you like... ?" "Como te gusta... ?" "Como te gusta mi mujer?" "?" "Como te gusta Lucy?" "Dile a Lucy que es exactamente lo que esperaba." "Mother says that you're just the way she pictured you." "Well, thank you." "You tell her" "She's just like I pictured her, too." "She looks just like you." "Lucy dice que tu y yo nos parecemos." "Gracias." "Mother says, "Thank you."" "You are welcome." "Lucy dice, "No hay de que."" "Dile a Lucy que mi nieto parece un angelito." "Aw." "She says that little Ricky looks just like an angel." "Oh... gracias." "Lucy, uh, Lucy says, "Thank you."" "You... are... welcome." "Mama dice, "No hay de que."" "I got my fingers crossed." "I'm talking to you in Spanish and talking to mother in English." "You got your wires crossed." "My wires or something crossed." "I don't know what it was." "Hey, what's burning, honey?" "My-my dinner." "Your dinner?" "What happened?" "Oh, for heaven's sake." "Uh-oh." "Oh, no, don't tell me..." "Oh, no!" "Oh, no!" "Oh..." "Look at it!" "Ay, que lastima, Lucita!" "But that's all right, honey." "We'll eat it anyway." "It's just little charcoal taste, that's good." "Hi." "Hi." "What are you doing tonight?" "Nothing in particular." "Why?" "Want to run away with me?" "Run away?" "What's the matter?" "Oh, Ethel, I haven't done anything right since Ricky's mother came to visit us." "Oh, honey, you have, too." "I have not." "The day she arrived, the apartment was a mess, my hair was up in curlers, the closet exploded in her face and I burned the dinner." "Yes, I know, hon...." "And then the next day, I took her shopping and I lost her in the subway." "But someone turned her in to lost and found." "Sure." "She must think I'm an awful dope." "I wouldn't be surprised if she had our marriage annulled." "Nothing that's happened has been your fault." "Now, you march back in there and you..." "No, I can't." "Why not?" "Well, his... his mother has some friends coming over to see her tonight and I offered to press her dress for her." "Well?" "After the annulment, you can come and live with us." "I didn't mean it, honey." "I was only joking." "Please, don't make jokes." "You're the only English-speaking friend I've got." "Oh, honey..." "I just wish there was some way that I could walk into that group tonight and start speaking Spanish." "Well, you could always give the party down at the United Nations and use their earphones and an interpreter." "Oh, sure." "Oh, honey, you got to get hold of yourself." "I never saw you so upset." "Hey!" "What?" "You have given me a tremendous idea!" "Oh, honey, I'm sure the United Nations has more important things to do." "No, no, there's a new act down at the club and they use hidden earphones and a hidden microphone." "I could, I could borrow the earphones and somebody could be in the kitchen, telling me what to say in Spanish!" "Don't look at me." "I don't speak Spanish." "No, no, but that professor does!" "I'm going to call him and ask him if he'll help me." "Ricky and his mother went down to pick up the guests." "They're not back yet." "Mm-hmm." "Now, look, can you see that?" "No." "Does it show in my ear?" "No, no, no." "It's all right." "Can you see the wire?" "No, I don't." "Okay." "It's fine." "But are you sure Mrs. Mertz will let me know if my... if my phone call comes in?" "Oh, sure, she'll tell you as soon as she gets it." "Oh, fine." "What's so important?" "Well, it's my daughter." "Tonight I may become an abuelo!" "A what?" "Abuelo." "Grandfather." "And I want to know when it happens." "Well, of course you do." "Congratulations." "Don't worry." "Thank you." "She'll call you." "Now, you watch through here, listen to what they say and tell me what to say in Spanish." "Don't worry." "Go slowly." "Go slowly." "Oh, yes." "Want to try it once?" "Yeah." "Okay, say something." "Muy bien, gracias." "Muy bien, gracias." "Hey, that's perfect." "They're coming!" "Here they come!" "Duck down!" "La casa es aqui." "aqui estamos." "Pasen." "Denme los abrigos, por favor." "Tenga, muchisimas gracias." "Sientense, sientense." "Muchas gracias." "Muchas gracias." "?" "Y su senora esta?" "Ella debe estar en casa de unos amigos de nosotros que viven al lado, senora, los Mertzes." "Si, pero ella..." "Si, ella viene pronto." "Si, pero estamos deseando de verla." "Ay, ay, el bebe." "Encantada con el bebe." "Ah, hiya, honey!" "Hi." "Where have you been?" "Well, I-I was out taking a Spanish lesson." "Spanish lesson!" "Uh-huh." "I want to be able to talk to your mother and her friends." "Well, honey, that's awfully sweet, but I don't think you can learn in one lesson." "Well, I don't know." "I learn pretty fast, you know." "Well, I want you to meet our friends." "Quiero que conocen con mi senora, el Senor y Senora Ollas." "Mi senora, Lucy." "Mucho gusto saludarla, Senora Ricardo." "Say, "Mucho gusto."" "Mucho gusto." "Mucho gusto, Senora." "Mucho gusto." "Hey, you did learn something." "iQue pronto aprendio, hijo!" "Yeah." "Honey..." "I think that's wonderful." "Yo se una que otra palabra." "Yo se una que otra palabra." "Esto es increible, hijo." "Esta tarde no hablabas una palabra en Espanol." "Y ahora lo hablas perfectamente." "She says that it's amazing how soon you learned." "Say, "Gracias."" "Gracias." "You mean to tell me that you understood everything that Mother said?" "Si." "Si." "Tell him to speak in Spanish." "Habla en Espanol." "Uh... habla en Espanol." "Uh... ?" "Tu entendiste todo lo que mama te dijo?" "Si." "Si." "?" "Le ha dado mucho gusto conocer al fin despues de tantos anos a su suegra?" "He says it must be wonderful to meet your mother-in-law." "Uh... si." "Si." "Digame, ?" "cuantos anos tienen de casados?" "He also wants to know how long you've been married." "Nod your head, so I will know." "Ten years?" "Twelve?" "13 Years?" "Trece anos." "Trece anos." "Oh." "Professor, it's a boy!" "It's a boy!" "A boy!" "Lucy... ?" "Si?" "Tu sabes perfectamente bien que tu no hablas una palabra de Espanol." "?" "Que cuento te trae tu?" "Uh..." "Buenas nochas, amigos." "Uh, buenos no..." "The professor had to go away." "Eww..." "Stall." "I'll think up something to do." "Uh..." "Oh, uh... uh... ?" "Felipe Morris-a, Senora?" "Si." "Light-o?" "?" "Felipe Morris-a, Senor ?" "Muchas gracias." "?" "Felipe Morris-a, mamacita?" "Si, gracias, Lucita." "Light-o?" "Lucy, I'd like a cigarette." "All right, dear." "You come right in here." "Look, I don't get this." "You don't speak Spanish." "Well, the professor was here, but he had to go away." "Oh..." "She was only doing this so your mother would like her better." "Adios." "Now, what... what are you trying to do?" "Well, I..." "I..." "I just wanted... ?" "Que estas haciendo, Ricky?" "Mama, Lucy estaba conectada aqui con este microfono y el Profesor Buonanova le estaba traduciendo todo para ella poder hablar con ustedes alla." "Que graciosa es tu mujer." "Imaginate, meterse en tanto lio ino mas para divertirme a mi!" "Well, now I've heard everything." "What?" "She think that you're just wonderful to go through all this trouble just to please her." "Oh, gracias, mamacita!" "Mi Lucita!" "Oh, gracias!"