"THE THREE KEATONS ARTISTS IN PANTOMIME" "Oh, Mrs. Anderson?" "We're The Three Keatons." "We're headlining over at the Orpheum." "The theater manager sent us." "Mama." "Two rooms and board will be $14 a week." "We like being together." "How much is one room?" "Ten dollars." "Mama, I'm hungry." "We'll take care of it." "You can pay before you eat." "Your room is this way." "You go ahead and eat, Buster." "We'll unpack." "Buster!" "Close the curtains." "Buster, open your eyes." "He's hurt bad." "That's a very funny fall." "Keep it in the act." "He's unconscious." "That's fine." "He's a good boy." "Get those jugglers ready to come out here." "Poor baby." "We've got to get out of this, Joe." "Cold rooming houses, empty stomachs and knocking each other down." "It's no life for a child." "Look, Myra, we're not always going to be an opening act." "In a year or two, we'll have our names on a marquee in a big New York theater." "Starring The Three Keatons." "THE TWO KEATONS" "MOVIES KILL VAUDEVILLE" "STANDARD ACTS SPLITTING UP MANY TRY HOLLYWOOD" "I've been trying to get in there for two weeks." "I've got my orders." "They're not doing any casting." "It's important." "I gotta get in." "Have you got a pass?" "When I say nobody gets through here without a pass," "I mean nobody gets through without a pass." "Get on your way." "I'm Buster Keaton, vaudeville star." "Where do you get a pass?" "In there." "Studio manager's office." "Thanks." "Wait a minute." "Where's your pass?" "I'm going inside to get it." "You can't go in unless you got one already." "Yeah but...how can I...if I..." "Easy." "If the studio wants you, they'll send for you." "We all ready now?" "Rolling." "All right, tenderly now." "Camera!" "Kiss her." "Enter husband." "Queue." "I'm going to kill your husband..." "Oh, no, don't." "Exit lover." "Throw her down." "Exit husband." "Sob, honey." "Sob." "How goes the battle, Kurt?" "Fine." "We've been waiting for our leading lady for almost three hours." "Did you bring her back?" "They're anointing her majesty." "She'll be along." "Good." "Everything's under control." "Well, that serves me right." "I should have learned." "I had to promise her that she'd get more closeups than the leading man." "I hate actors." "That's why you're my casting director." "They don't deceive you." "They scare me." "To an actor, there are no wars, no people with problems, just themselves." "Occupying the exact center of the world like the equator." "Yes." "Here's Peggy." "Good morning, Peggy." "Very." "Hello." "Who's the man with the shoes?" "The man with the shoes?" "The boss." "You'll know him." "The head of the studio is Mr. Lawrence Winters." "That's what I said." "Are you with these gillies?" "Yes." "I'm an actor." "It figures." "Is Winters the man I talk to about a job?" "He only deals with the stars." "Who do the common people talk to?" "The casting director." "Why would I bother with the casting director?" "You travel faster when you talk to the head of the mule." "Do you?" "Sure." "Let's have all the actors on the set." "I guess they're calling you, honey." "Yes, I guess they are, honey." "See you." "Miss Courtney." "I'm a big fan of yours , Miss Courtney." "Oh." "I sure am." "As a matter of fact, I'm a stranger in town." "I don't know anybody here." "Yes, of course." "SINCERELY PEGGY COURTNEY" "Where can I find the casting director?" "Brent?" "Right there." "You're the casting director?" "You want Brent right over there." "Thanks, pal." "Tell him we'd like to use Paul and Ed Gray(?" ") and I'll give him an answer on the Lubitsch picture this afternoon." "Fine," "Mr. Brent, I've been looking all over for you." "Miss Brent." "You're Mr. Brent?" "Wow." "Well." "Isn't this lucky?" "Is it?" "Yeah." "Imagine finding an old friend as a casting director." "I thought you were only interested in talking to the head of the mule." "I'm here to do you a favor." "You need comics, don't you?" "I'll let you discover one." "What's your name?" "I'm Buster Keaton, the vaudeville star." "This may come as a surprise but," "Hollywood's been getting along just fine without you." "That's a typical woman for you." "You haven't even given me a chance." "All right." "Turn around." "What?" "Turn." "Turn around." "Not good looking, too short, bad left profile, ears too low, mouth too wide, nose too high." "What do you hear from my liver?" "Now look, Mr. Brent." "I'm not entering a beauty contest." "I happen to be a comedian." "The comedy lead in this picture would be a cinch for me." "If we'd known that, we never would have signed Elmer Case." "Elmer Case?" "That's what's wrong with Hollywood." "He's one of the best comedians on Broadway." "He's a talking comedian." "He can only get laughs with words." "Did you ever hear any words on a movie screen?" "What you need is someone who knows pantomime." "Like you." "That's right." "Somebody who can make you laugh without saying nothing." "All right." "Make me laugh." "Mr. King, would you kindly step down a moment?" "Now, the subtitle reads..." "Cook him." "And please gentlemen, you're cannibals." "Enjoy it." "Rehearsal." "Cook him." "That's fine." "We'll shoot it." "It still doesn't feel right to me, Kurt." "It doesn't, huh?" "Why not?" "Look at the crew." "They're not laughing." "Let me worry about that, huh?" "All right." "They'll laugh when they see it on the screen." "No they won't." "Who said that?" "Not me." "Him." "Oh, we seem to have an expert on comedy with us." "What is your name, sir?" "I'm Buster Keaton." "A comedian, I suppose?" "Oh, yes." "We're terribly honored to have you with us, sir." "Thanks." "Now, would you tell me, if you don't mind, why do you think this scene wasn't funny?" "Comedy's based on surprises." "You've got no surprises here." "Oh." "Oh, I see." "And if you were doing this scene, it would have surprises." "Would you mind showing it to us?" "You mean, you want me to do it for you?" "If it's no imposition." "Of course not." "If Mr. Case doesn't mind." "He doesn't mind." "Go right ahead." "Well, uh, fellas..." "Give your hat, please." "Come on with me, fellas." "No, not you." "What's going on?" "Murder." "Kurt's found another victim." "Something for pot." "He's young." "We broil him." "Bring that kindling over there, will you, and light it." "Now, put out the fire." "Mr. Keaton." "Mr. Keaton, we'd like to talk to you." "Never mind." "Your message finally got through to me." "But this is Mr. Winters." "The man with the shoes?" "Miss Brent has been telling me about you." "You don't have to throw me off the lot." "I'll go quietly." "Wait a minute." "Maybe I'm short, ugly and skinny, but you know what I got?" "Talent." "Who says so?" "Miss Brent." "What does he know?" "I say I got talent." "I'm going to give you a chance to prove it." "Report to Kurt Bergner tomorrow morning at 9:00." "Tomorrow morning at 9?" "That's wonderful." "Thanks." "That's fine." "That's great." "Good luck." "Thanks." "Hey." "What are you mad at me for?" "I'm not mad at you." "I just don't happen to like you." "Then why did you get me the job?" "Because I think you might have something." "I knew Case couldn't play the lead in this picture the way he was doing it." "You're not playing the lead." "Here's your part." "Medium shot Susan." "As she snakes through the living room, her father and another man are playing cards in the foreground." "I'm too young to play Susan." "You're the man playing cards." "How am I supposed to play that?" "I guess the starring part." "Terrific entertainment." "Great picture." "Give us more like it." "Let's see more of the man with the flat hat." "Who's the new comedian?" "Peggy Courtney's best picture." "I hate movies." "What?" "That's what it says." "I like the man with the flat hat." "The funny man with the deadpan." "The man with the deadpan." "I've never seen preview cards like these." "Mr. Keaton is here." "Who sent for him?" "I did." "I thought you might like to see him." "Yes." "Send him in." "Good morning." "Good morning, Buster." "You know..." "Oh, sure." "This is Mr. Brent." "This is Tom Mackabee, head of our legal department." "How are you?" "How do you do?" "Fine." "How did the preview go last night?" "Well..." "Well?" "We're going to put you under contract, Buster." "That's great!" "That's great, Mr. Winters." "You won't regret it." "I've got dozens of comedy routines I want to try..." "We'll take care of that part of it, Buster." "We're going to train you." "Put you under one of our top directors, Kurt Bergner." "He'll show you what to do." "No, he can't show me what to do." "What did you say?" "I've done almost 15,000 performances on the vaudeville stage." "I know exactly when people laugh at me and why." "Kurt Bergner doesn't." "He even wanted me to laugh when the cards got stuck." "And if a comic laughs at himself, the audience won't." "Believe me." "You want to direct yourself?" "We'll discuss it in a year or two." "All right." "Let's discuss it in a year or two." "Thanks." "Of all the unlimited gall." "No wonder he wears a flat hat." "He's got a flat head." "Buster." "You can't throw away everything like this." "You must be crazy." "You know, you're pretty when you're mad?" "I guess I never really noticed you before." "I always thought of you as kind of a mean man." "You have a chance to be a star." "You should crawl on your hands and knees for an opportunity like this." "Sure." "But crawling don't get you nowhere." "If they think they want you, then hit them in the teeth and they'll know they want you." "That's my motto." "All right, then." "Go back to vaudeville." "I won't have to." "I just became a movie star." "I'm gonna have you gold-plated." "You happy now that you have what you wanted?" "I've got a long way to go for the three of us." "You have a family?" "My mother and father are in show business too." "I want to give them a rest." "They've earned it." "Well, if I haven't said thanks, I want to say it now." "Thanks for the start." "That's my job." "Hey, this calls for a celebration." "What's the best nightclub in town?" "Starlight Club." "Great." "I'll bet she'd love it." "She?" "Peggy Courtney." "I'm going to ask her for a date tonight." "Do you think she'll say yes?" "Yes." "I'm sure she will." "I hope you're right." "Well, see you." "Hi." "Where's he running?" "He's on his way to scale Mount Courtney." "Him?" "He'll do it too." "Peggy can smell a rising star a mile away." "I have a pretty good nose too." "How about having dinner with me." "On one condition." "What?" "That we don't talk about actors." "That's all, Marie." "You can go now." "I want to rest a while." "Come in, darling." "It's me." "Yes, I know." "I've been expecting you." "You have?" "I said to myself, "If nothing's wrong with him, he'll be here."" "And then I said to myself," "Nothing's wrong with him." "You're right." "What are you doing tonight?" "Going to dinner with you." "Larry tells me you're going to be the studio's next big star." "Yeah." "And you're going to direct too." "Uh-huh." "Do you like doing everything yourself?" "Not everything." "Evening, Peggy." "How about a picture?" "All right." "You sir, just move over to one side." "No, you better get one of us together." "He'll soon be a big star." "Ready..." "Hold it." "Thanks, Peggy." "I've been trying to talk to you for weeks." "You're harder to get to than President Harding." "What does Harding have?" "Nothing." "I like the way you smell." "It's Twilight No. 3." "Most of the girls I've gone around with smell like Sawdust No. 6." "It's nice to have someone around who can make me laugh." "Maybe if you come closer, you can laugh louder." "Ah, chow time." "Excuse me, sir." "Two beers." "Yes, sir." "Miss Courtney?" "I'll have two beers too." "Thank you." "This looks great." "What are they laughing at?" "When you were in vaudeville, darling, they forgot to housebreak you." "Come on, let's get out of here." "I've been looking all over for you." "I had some work to clean up." "Is anything wrong?" "I want to take you to dinner." "I've had dinner." "Well, have another." "I thought you took Peggy to dinner." "I did." "Are you coming with me or ain't you?" "I'll get my lipstick." "Good evening, Mr. Keaton." "Evening." "Hi, Nick." "Well, hello, Mr. Keaton." "I'd like a private booth." "Sure." "Sure thing." "How's this?" "Fine." "Two orders of pork chops." "Go ahead, sit down." "Why did you bring me here?" "So we could talk." "All right." "I'd like that." "I'd like to know more about you." "How old were you when you started in vaudeville?" "Three days." "Three days?" "I was born in a vaudeville boarding house on a split week." "When the act moved on to the next town, I went along." "Didn't you have to go to school?" "Sure." "I went to school in vaudeville." "I learned geography by playing in every hick town big enough to have a theater." "A juggler by the name of Rudolfo taught me arithmetic." "I can add and subtract standing on my head." "Wanna see?" "I believe you." "Rudolfo was a nice man but my favorite actor was Chirrup." "Chirrup and his birds." "He used to let me feed them when I was 5 or 6." "And there was a minah bird named Minnie who was my pal." "He'd say," "Hello, Buster." "Hello, Buster." "Roll 'em in the aisles, Roll 'em in the aisles." "Oh." "Cigarette?" "No thanks." "Go on." "One winter we was playing Minnesota, business was so bad, Chirrup said to my dad that if business don't pick up we'll have to eat the birds." "I was just a kid." "I didn't know he was just joking." "That night I climbed out of bed and tiptoed down to the cellar." "Guarded his birds every night for a week to make sure nobody would eat them." "Oh, Buster." "What kind of an act did you do?" "Something they call a knockabout act." "When I was 8 we started to do the basketball routine." "That was where Mom would stand on one side while" "Dad sang opera like this." "While he sang I'd stand on a table behind him swinging a basketball." "The louder he sang, the closer the ball came to conking him." "The audience loved it." "One day the table broke." "I hit my skull and went out like a light." "Oh, no." "It was the biggest laugh in the act." "After that, I fell off the table twice a day for 14 years." "That certainly was a hard way to grow up." "I lived through it." "The only thing that bothers me is that I didn't get much chance to learn..." "Look at me." "I am." "Well," "Here's to your new contract." "Thanks." "What are you going to do with all that money, Buster?" "I'm going to try to get my folks to retire for one thing." "Look what I got for them." "Imagine that." ""You can have Hollywood." "We'd rather work where we can hear them laugh, Dad."" "Looks like they'd rather stay with vaudeville than live here." "I bought them a summer place in Michigan" "That's what they wanted." "Which one of these things hits Gloria?" "This one." "Yes, Mr. Winters." "Mr. Buster Keaton is on his way in there." "Put on your hat." "I'm very sorry." "At least give us a chance to sign her." "We can do much more for her than Paramount." "Aren't you ready yet?" "Get your hat." "I can't go anywhere." "I'm in the middle" "I'm in the middle of..." "Here we are." "Well, yes..." "I'm sure we could arrange for that..." "Here's your hat." "We could make it a shorter option." "Oh, you look adorable." "I think we could give her director approval." "Sure we could." "Hold still now." "Yes, all right." "There you are." "You're crazy." "Oh, no, no." "Not you, Mr. Burke." "Believe me, we want her very badly." "Here we go." "Mr. Winters saw her on the stage in New York." "And do you know what he said about..." "I'll tell you what I said." "I said the girl's got knock knees." "That was Sarah Bernhardt's agent." "She's too short for the part." "Come on, I want to show you something." "Is this what you wanted to show me?" "Yeah." "It's terrific, ain't it?" "When did they move the Taj Mahal?" "Come on." "It's lovely." "What are we doing here?" "Visiting the owner." "A friend of yours?" "Uh-huh." "Me." "Buster!" "I told you you'd be surprised." "Surprised?" "I'm overwhelmed." "I bought it this morning." "It's so big." "I needed it." "How big is it?" "It's got 32 rooms." "You see, 32 of us used to sleep in one room." "Crummy railroad car." "It's quite...it's just enormous." "Like a castle." "Yeah." "It is like a castle." "Come on, I'll show you the house." "Good afternoon, Mr. Keaton." "Good afternoon, Franklin." "It's big, huh?" "What time does the next rain leave?" "Wait'll you see the library." "It's all first editions." "O. Henry, Richard Harding Davis, and this is a genuine Webster's Dictionary." "Noah." "You can certainly catch up on your reading." "Look at this." "That organ cost 25,000 bucks." "And I can't play a note." "You can learn." "Sure." "Have you ever been to Pickfair?" "Yes, to a party." "For Doug and Mary, it's what you said, a castle." "And that's what this place is gonna be." "For Peggy and me." "You're going to marry her?" "I haven't asked her yet." "You think she'll take me?" "Oh, yes." "She'll take you, all right." "I think I'll have a drink on that." "Fine." "I thought you didn't drink." "So did I." "To movie actors." "This is for his lawyer." "These will be for our files." "Hello, Gloria." "Hello, Tom." "We're just signing Buster's new deal." "Larry, I have to talk to you." "Just finishing anyway." "What's the matter, Gloria?" "I'm quitting, Larry." "Right now." "Today." "I want to go to Europe or somewhere." "Anywhere as long as it's a long way from here." "I'm not an expert on love life, Gloria." "But if you want to talk about it." "All right." "But if you must go to Europe, go for the studio." "The studio?" "There's a lot of talent in Europe." "Bring us back another Valentino." "What do you say?" "All right." "Good." "I'll make the arrangements." "Thanks." "I wonder what happened to Peggy?" "She'll be along." "Probably waiting to make an entrance." "Did you know that Gloria sailed for Europe yesterday?" "She did?" "She must have left in an awful hurry." "Could have at least said goodbye." "There's Peggy." "Excuse me." "Buster!" "Buster, darling, I want you to meet Duke Alexander Michael David of Bulgaria." "How do you do?" "Hiya, duke." "Thanks for bringing my girl to the party." "Get yourself some champagne." "Peggy and I are going for a walk." "Oh, no, not now, Buster." "Come on." "I want to show you something." "Pardon." "I asked you to come early because I wanted to show you the house." "Alexander flew in yesterday." "It's great for parties, ain't it?" "He's a real duke." "You know why I bought it, don't you?" "He proposed to me last night." "Who?" "The duke." "Poor guy." "And I accepted him." "You what?" "I accepted him." "What about us?" "Be realistic, Buster." "I can't pass up this opportunity." "Remember, I told you?" "I'm a business." "Peggy Courtney Incorporated." "I have to think of my future." "I can give you anything you want." "Can you make me a duchess?" "What if you don't like Bulgaria?" "Then I'll come back to Hollywood." "Bigger than ever." "Peggy." "I say, Peggy." "Alexander." "There you are." "I've been going through Mr. Keaton's house." "Sweet little place." "Charming really." "Buster, you just gave me a great idea for..." "Hi, Buster." "Nice party." "Hey, Buster, are you and Peggy going to make that announcement today?" "NEW KEATON FILM A LAUGH RIOT" "CRITICS NAME KEATON COMEDY AS BEST OF THE YEAR" "KEATON'S "COLLEGE' SMASH HIT" "Good morning." "Larry, Tom." "What brings you here so early, Buster?" "I want to talk about money." "Don't tell me you want another raise." "No." "Well?" "Just half the profits." "Oh now, Buster, you..." "Pickford and Fairbanks are in on the profits." "Why not Keaton?" "It's different with them, Buster." "They invest their own money in their pictures." "That's right." "You're not entitled to half the profits unless you put up half the money." "All right." "I'll put up half the cost of The Gambler and I'll take half the profits." "Buster, do you have any idea of how much that would cost you?" "Tell him, Tom." "Half a million dollars." "Fine." "I'll mortgage the Taj Mahal for whatever I'm short." "Bargain?" "You trapped me." "Partner?" "I like the sound of that." "Draw up the memo, Tom." "Agreement:" "Between" "Famous" "Pictures..." "JOLSON TO MAKE TALKIE Hello, Larry." "It's good to see you." "Gloria, welcome home." "You look wonderful." "Doesn't she?" "I'll take care of the trunk." "Thanks, Tom." "It's certainly good to have you back." "It's good to be back." "How is he?" "Same old Buster." "Is it all over, Gloria?" "You mean my unilateral love affair?" "Yes." "Your ocean voyage cure worked." "You should bottle it, you'd make a million." "I'm glad." "Is he happy?" "I don't think he's ever been happy." "He drinks too much for one thing." "Buster can't relax." "Everything he does is under pressure." "But his pictures are doing well." "The shadow's fine." "It's the original I'm worried about." "You see, somehow..." "Gloria!" "Gloria!" "Easy!" "I'm breakable." "Good to see you." "Turn around." "Turn, turn, turn." "No." "She's too short, mouth is too big and you're too skinny." "I'm sure glad to have you back." "Thank you." "Europe was good for you." "Yes." "Yes, it was." "I got a great idea." "My picture opens tonight." "We'll go have dinner, go to the opening and then we'll go out on the town." "I'll pick you up at 7." "It's too late." "All right, 6." "It's years too late." "I'll leave you two alone." "No, stay here, Larry." "I want you to hear this too." "Tom and I are going to be married." "That's wonderful." "Congratulations." "That's marvelous." "That's just marvelous." "I'll have to give a big party for you two." "Something fancy, huh, Larry?" "Buster, perhaps you..." "Oh, I think that would be lovely." "Well, you'll come along with us tonight anyhow?" "I mean you and Tom." "We'll see you tonight." "He's a lucky fellow." "Yes, indeed." "Look at the mob in front of that theater." "It's like I always said, you give the people good clean pantomime and they'll come every time." "Buster, this isn't our theater." "It ain't?" "Driver, pull up a little." "Yes, sir." "There's an extra show at 11o'clock." "That's two hours away." "Looks like everbody's doing business tonight." "I hope we do as well." "There's our theater down the street." "Drive ahead." "Yes, sir." "What kind of a house have you got?" "Practically empty." "They're all going to that talking picture down the street." "Soon..." "It may revolutionise the industry." "It's a passing fad." "It won't last three months." "I hear your picture's wonderful." "Let's go in and enjoy it." "Sure, come on." "SILENT STARS FALL BY THE WAYSIDE" "Excuse me, sir." "What's on your mind, Franklin?" "It's the cook, sir." "She's leaving." "What's the matter?" "Doesn't she like the food around here?" "It's her check." "The bank won't cash it." "How much do I owe you?" "Two months, sir." "You'd better go with the cook." "I'll sell another painting and send you your money." "I'd like to stay, sir, only..." "Sure, we're sinking and your feet are getting wet." "I'll send you your money." "Thank you, sir." "Goodbye, Franklin." "Goodbye, sir." "Hello, Famous Studio?" "Let me talk to Larry Winters." "KEATON TO MAKE TALKIE" "KURT BERGNER WILL DIRECT SILENT STAR'S FIRST SOUND PICTURE" "And if you want my opinion, putting Keaton in this picture is a mistake." "He's been a big star, Kurt." "That's history." "Suppose he can't read lines." "Then what?" "You'll find he can read lines." "Good morning." "It's nice to have a welcoming committee." "I just want to wish you good luck on the picture, Buster." "Well, thanks." "Wait for the first scene." "Don't you worry." "Kurt will take care of you." "May I show you what you are going to do?" "This is our first scene." "I know my lines." "Lines are nothing." "This is the baby that makes or breaks them." "The microphone." "Amazing how many people it has destroyed." "Did you hear about John Gilbert?" "The studio bought back his contract." "He's through, absolutely finished." "Now then, uh..." "On action." "You come from here." "You stop at the mark and then turn right." "OK?" "I start with the speech, "Good morning, everybody."" "And then Henry says, "How did you sleep last night?"" ""Like a top." "I kept spinning all night."" "We're cutting it out." "Use Val's first speech to bridge you into the one about your mother-in-law travelling." "Eliminate all of the middle section." "OK, this is going to be a take." "Just a minute." "Interlock and roll." "Good light." "Picture 2, take 1." "Action." "My mother-in-law said travelling was bad for you." "It addles the brain." "She must have travelled a lot when she was young." "Cut." "You mustn't forget the microphone." "I'm sorry." "You silent picture people, you..." "You have such a time remembering the microphone, huh?" "Shall we start it again?" "Interlock and roll." "Good light." "Picture 2, take 2." "Action." "My mother-in-law said travelling was bad for you." "She said it addles the brain." "I got an idea she traveled a lot when she was young." "Cut." ""Idea."" "Idea." "And I want the words pear-shaped." "Idea, idea." "Now let me hear the next two lines." "I can only stay a week." "Father's arranged to have me rehabilitated." "To have you what?" "To have me rehabilitated." "Rehabilitated." "Oh, sure, rehabilitated" "Rehabilitated." "Now shall we try it from the top?" "Interlock and roll." "Good light." "Picture 2, take 3." "Action." "My mother-in-law said travelling was bad for you." "She says it addles the brain." "She must have travelled a lot when she was young." "I can only stay a week." "My father's arranged to have me rehab..." "I'm sorry." "I..." "Cut." "Camera reloading." "I had an idea for a piece of business coming down the stairs." "You did?" "Yeah." "Since this character's supposed to be kind of awkward" "I thought maybe I could do a fall and end up sitting at the..." "Why?" "I just thought it would be funnier if I could put a little action in it." "Some more action in it than you have had in the last year." "Sure." "It's just that uh..." "I thought if I could put a little pantomime routine..." "Pantomime is dead, Mr. Keaton." "Pictures now talk." "We're going to do what the man said." "We're going to reload." "They're waiting for you, Mr. Keaton." "I'll be right there." "Well, well, well." "Here is the star of our show." "Now look, Mr. Keaton..." "All I want you to do is stand right behind this table." "Don't move." "And simply speak your lines." "That shouldn't be too difficult, should it?" "This is going to be a take." "Interlock and roll." "Good light." "Picture 2, take 4." "Action." "My mother-in-law said travelling was bad for you." "She said it addles the brain." "She must have travelled a lot when she was young." "I can only stay a week." "My father's arranged to have me rehabili..." "Rehabilitated." "Rehabilitated!" "Rehabilitated!" "KEATON TALKS" " NO ONE LISTENS" "Hello." "How lovely you look." "Thank you, Edna." "Is Mr. Winters in?" "He's in the projection room." "He should be right back." "I can't wait." "Let's go without him." "We can't." "He's giving the bride away." "He'll be thrilled." "I'll be thrilled." "He's only the best man." "Mr. Winter's office." "No, he isn't in." "The third precinct?" "Is he badly hurt?" "Yes, I'll tell him." "Oh, dear." "What's the matter?" "Mr. Keaton's in jail." "The police picked him up wrecking a speakeasy." "So drunk he didn't know who he was." "I have to go to him." "I'll send someone down to bail him out." "I don't want you to get mixed up in this." "I am mixed up in it." "Let's uh...make this truth day." "You've never gotten over him, have you?" "I thought I had." "I'm sorry, Tom." "I'll help you get him inside." "Thanks." "Good morning." "Some fresh coffee will be ready in a minute." "How do you like your eggs?" "I love 'em." "Hand-squeezed." "We must have had some night." "We did?" "Did you put me to bed?" "Uh-huh." "I don't remember anything." "Do you remember the two blonde girls at Nick's?" "I wasn't at Nick's." "I caught up with you later." "Must have been a fight, huh?" "So the police said." "The police?" "I don't remember that." "What day is today?" "Sunday, June 3rd." "June the 2nd." "I thought you were getting married yesterday." "I did." "What are you doing here?" "You should be with your husband." "I am." "I need a drink." "I'll get it." "I said a drink." "Did we get married?" "You swept me off my feet." "Weren't you supposed to marry Tom?" "A girl's only allowed one husband at a time." "Would you have married him if I'd been sober last night?" "If I need any pity, I'll let yo know." "I didn't marry you out of pity." "Then what did you marry me for?" "My name?" "No one invited me so I decided to invite myself." "Hello, Larry, I'm glad to see you." "Where's Buster?" "He went out for a paper." "Will he be back soon?" "I don't know." "He went out Monday." "Oh." "Why did you marry him, Gloria?" "Because I couldn't watch him commit suicide any longer." "Did you think that marrying him would stop him?" "I think nothing will stop him." "I have to try." "Do you think he loves you?" "He doesn't even know I'm alive." "If there's anything I can do, let me know." "There is." "Stay and have lunch with me." "I'll be glad to." "Good night, Buster." "I'm going to the track." "Fine." "What are you doing?" "Paying some bills." "With what?" "I have some money left." "Who needs your money?" "What are you trying to do?" "Make me feel like a heel?" "Now I'm not going to the track." "All right." "I guess I'll catch up on my reading." "There's some wonderful plays on the third shelf." "Plays are for talking actors." "Do you know my trouble?" "I keep dreaming up new routines." "And I got no place to go with them." "You'll have to make a place." "Who's that check to?" "The grocer." "It figures." "They've been robbing me for years just because I'm..." "You want to go to the track?" "No thanks." "I don't like it much either." "Then why do you go?" "The afternoons get awful long." "Who's that check to?" "The butcher." "Robbers." "I guess I'll go to the track." "All right." "Is everything I do all right with you?" "Buster, you can't pick a fight with me." "I won't fight you." "What are you made of, stainless steel?" "I'm sorry." "I'm on edge." "I can't let you go on paying my bills and I can't pay them myself." "I can't sell this house for as much as the mortgage." "I gotta do something but I don't know what." "Why don't you call Larry Winters?" "So he can tell me how much he lost on my last two pictures?" "No thanks." "You want to play a game of Rummy?" "I have to get dinner ready." "Hey, I'd like to stay and try one of your dinners some night." "They're not bad." "How do you know Larry Winters would even talk to me?" "They're making a picture called Soldiers." "There's a comedy part in it." "How do you know?" "He told me." "So he's trying to get me through you, is he?" "Well if he needs me for the part, let him call me himself." "Why don't you go to the track?" "What's the name of that picture?" "Soldiers?" "That's right." "I've never done an army picture." "There's..." "Millions of props to work with." "There's cannons..." "Tanks, guns." "Why don't you call Larry now?" "All right." "Larry Winter's office." "Larry Winters, please." "This is Buster Keaton." "Hello, Larry?" "Yeah." "I'm fine." "How are you?" "Good." "Oh, yeah." "I've been keeping pretty busy." "Warner is thinking of a series." "It's nothing definite yet." "Larry, the reason I'm calling you is," "Gloria mentioned a picture you're doing called..." "That's it." "I'd like to." "Yeah." "How about tomorrow morning?" "That's fine." "I'll be there." "Goodbye, Larry." "He wants to see me." "What are we having for dinner tonight?" "Hello, Buster." "Hi." "So, you're ready to go back to work, eh?" "Well, if the price is right, Larry." "Sit down." "Thanks." "I don't want to do just anything." "It's not the starring part, Buster." "I see." "I'd have to have it in my contract that I could do two specialty routines." "I've got some great ideas that will help the picture a lot." "I'm afraid there won't be any time for routines, Buster." "It's only a few lines." "It's just a few lines." "To get you started again." "Ah well, I..." "I can't be proud anymore can I, Larry?" "Now you're being sensible." "You'll report Monday." "I'll be there." "Good." "We had time for my routines when we made The Boat." "Buster, things are different." "How much you make on The Boat?" "A couple of million?" "You think I like crawling to you for some two-bit part?" "I'm still Buster Keaton." "Do you understand?" "You can take your studio and shove it though a microphone." "Don't." "If you need a bit player, call central casting." "A double bourbon, Nick." "Got the cash?" "No but uh..." "Sorry, Mr. Keaton, but you're into me for $200." "I'll pay you next week." "I know." "That's what you said last week." "It's only till payday, Nick." "One little drink till payday." "Why don't you stop kidding yourself, Mr. Keaton." "Say, did you see him catch that?" "Hey, that's Buster Keaton." "You're crazy." "It is him." "He lives in that big house in the next block." "Don't you, Buster?" "We need another guy." "Go on, get in the game." "Got time, Buster?" "I got time." "Come on, let's play ball." "Run, run." "Out." "You gotta go pitch." "He couldn't hit a barn door." "Steeerike!" "Come on, slam a homer." "Safe." "Strike one." "Safe." "He couldn't hit a barn door." "Strike two." "You got the job." "You don't have to tell me." "It's written all over you." "It's what you needed, Buster, an audience." "Look, Gloria, all I was is just playing baseball smaller part." "You did it" "You're on your way again." "And you're going to make it all the way back to the top." "Now, Gloria..." "You sit right here." "I'm going to get your slippers." "Honey." "Hm?" "Honey, it's 7 o'clock." "Time to get ready for the studio." "Sorry to bother you, Mr Keaton, but you're the first movie star we've ever seen." "Mrs. Jennings and I are from Elmira, New York." "Wait till we tell Mary we met a real movie star." "Mary's my daughter." "Say, maybe you'd give us an autograph for her." "Why, certainly, sure." "I got a pencil right here." "What's her name?" "Mary?" "Mary, that's right." "To Mary." "Buster" "Keaton." "Thanks a lot!" "Thank you." "Mr. Jennings uh..." "I seem to have forgotten my wallet." "I wonder if you'd lend me enough money to get home." "Why, sure." "How much do you need?" "I think ten dollars would be uh..." "There you are." "Wait till the folks in Elmira hear about this." "Give me your address so I can send it back to you." "All right." "There you are." "Thank you, Mr. Jennings." "Goodbye." "Buster!" "Oh, Buster." "It's gonna hit me." "Gonna...hit me." "Nothing's going to hit you." "You're drunk." "Listen to them laugh." "Every time I fall on my face, they laugh." "Everybody." "Stop running away from me." "See me get hit in the face." "Everybody." "I don't like to see you get hurt." "Everybody." "I love you." "Everybody" "Everybody laughs at a clown." "Nobody loves a a clown." "If don't love you," "Why do you suppose I stay with you?" "Another.. hit me right in the face." "I can't help you by staying here with you." "Maybe I can help by going away." "Buster?" "Is Buster home?" "We thought maybe he'd want to play ball." "We need another guy." "Buster is sick today." "That's too bad." "Tell him we hope he feels better." "Yeah." "I'll tell him." "Gloria." "Gloria, the doorbell's ringing." "GOODBYE, BUSTER GOOD LUCK, GLORIA" "We're sorry you're sick, Buster." "We brought you these." "We hope you get well quick." "Thanks." "Thanks a lot." "Do something funny, Buster." "Something funny?" "Do another." "Thanks, Buster." "Thanks a lot." "Wasn't that funny?" "FOR SALE" "Yes?" "Buster Keaton would like to see you." "Send him in." "Hello, Buster." "Could you tell me where I could find Gloria?" "I could but I won't." "Have you ever heard of an old religious custom called suttee?" "When a man dies, his wife jumps on the funeral pyre." "I know I'm dead." "I just want to see her to say goodbye." "Ask Miss Brent to come in here." "She's back on her old job, Buster." "I'm glad." "I'll let you talk to her alone." "Thank you." "Gloria." "I won't keep you long." "I don't need this anymore." "And that's just one thing." "I've been going over my whole life, Gloria, like a drowning man." "Remembering all the chances I had and all the mistakes I made." "Sorting out what's important in life and what isn't." "I got it all pegged now." "Have you?" "What's important?" "Not the Taj Mahal." "It had 31 rooms too many." "Not the big money or my name up in lights." "What then?" "I'm going back into vaudeville to see if I can still make people laugh." "My dad used to say it's a wonderful thing to make people laugh." "There are so may people and they got so many troubles." "And laughter's a kind of medicine." "The circuit's giving me two week trial." "I've worked up a juggling comedy act." "Oh and another thing, you uh..." "You don't have to go on being my wife, you're free." "Well..." "I'll think of you." "All the luck in the world." "You deserve it." "Where's my dummy?" "Here it is, Buster." "Gloria." "Hello, honey." "Gloria." "Keaton, you're on." "How am I doing?" "Don't make jokes." "Get out there." "Here." "What are you doing?" "The bedroom routine, New Year's Eve." "You remember, come on." "No, no, no." "I forgot it, I couldn't." "Sure you can." "I've never been on a stage." "We'll change the name of the act." "The Two Keatons." "Three?" "What do mean?" "Keaton, will you get out there and take a bow?" "The Three Keatons?" "Come on."