"The following film is based on art, music, journals, super 8 films, and audio montages provided by the family of Kurt Cobain." "Whoa, testing, one, two..." "Go-go juice, or motion-notion." "Beaver." "Female." "Welcome to manned space exploration!" "...Mercury spacecraft is six feet in diameter and nine feet tall." "'Cause I don't like your face." "Hey." "Hey, come here." "I want..." "I want you to see something." "Kurt's brain was just constantly going." "He was always thinking about something." "I mean, there was always something going on." "You could just see it." "Party on, Wayne!" "It was awe-inspiring, but it was like," ""Oh, well, I guess I'm not..." "You know, I guess I'm not all that special."" "But, you know..." "But then, as I grew up," "I'm like, I'm so glad I don't..." "I never got that genius brain." "Maybe he just felt praise was hard for him to take, maybe?" "And he didn't know how to handle that." "So he would downplay it all the time." "But that was his goal, was to get to as perfect as he could, as good as he could get." "Write as well as he could, sing as well as he could, play as well as he could." "And then when it all came together..." "It's so..." " I can't say..." "It's too painful." "This is too painful." "You're gonna make it, man." "With the support of his friends and family, he's gonna make it." "And you read..." "See the art, I mean, a lot of his messages are as plain as day." "You just..." "I'm not even going to say what they are, but you can see it." "And it's all there, and..." "20/20 hindsight, you're like, "Oh, my God, why didn't I see that?"" "or "I should have said something", but, you know, it's like..." "# Some say love" "# It is a river..." "# When I was an alien" "# Cultures weren't opinions" "# Gotta find a way, to find a way" "# When I'm there" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# I had better wait" "# Never met a wise man" "# If so, it's a woman" "# Gotta find a way, to find a way  Cobain" "# When I'm there" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# I had better wait  MONTAGE OF HECK" "# Gotta find a way, to find a way" "# When I'm there" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# I had better wait" "# Gotta find a way, to find a way..." "# When I'm there" "# Gotta find a way, a way, way!" "Yeah!" "Well, America was booming after the war, and everybody had everything." "Even if you didn't have much, you still had enough." "Wendy O'Connor Kurt's mother" "Aberdeen was a logging town and a mill town." "And it was booming." "# Wake up, little Susie..." "You saw everybody downtown paying their bills or shopping." "It was a lovely, awesome place to raise children." "My kids loved that town." "# Wake up, little Susie, and weep" "# The movie's over, it's 4:00" "# And we're in trouble deep" "# Wake up, little Susie" "# Wake up, little Susie..." "So Don was working at a gas station over in Hoquiam." "You know, he had the black, horn-rimmed glasses and his ears kind of stuck out a little, and he had the crew cut and that's not good on anybody." "I kind of helped him with everything." "He didn't really know what he was doing with style." "# Well, I told you, Mama..." "I guess, like, we were more friends." "I didn't know what falling in love was, so I had never experienced it." "So I just thought because I liked him, I loved him." "And so he got me an engagement ring, and we got engaged." "You know, it was fun." "I mean, it was like, "Okay, all those problems are behind me now." "I'm going to have babies."" "And I just couldn't wait to get pregnant." "I mean, that was the goal." "And so I went to Dr. Ehrhart." "He said, "You're so young." "You just need to get on your feet with being a housewife."" "And, you know," "I just didn't listen to anybody." "I used to think, "Why did I marry Don Cobain?"" "And it's like, "No, everything really did happen for a reason."" "Kurt had to be born." "It was... it was a must." "Cobain, Master Kurt Dr. Ehrhart 70-3387" "Family history" "Grays Harbor Community Hospital" "He was the first grandchild on both sides." "Everybody was coming over constantly." "I can't even describe what a magnet he was." "People just came to him." "I was head over heels in love with that child." "He was so kind and so worried about people." "You know, if they were okay or if somebody got hurt." "And then, on top of that, he started singing and playing guitar." "And once he could draw, he drew all the time." "my 3 rd Birthay" "Let's sing now, Mom!" "Okay, say who you are." "Who are you?" "Who are you, Kurt?" "Who are you?" "Who are you?" "Good-bye!" "I'm Kurt Cobain!" "Yay!" " Yay!" "Go!" "Go!" "Kurt, he was full of energy, always busy." "I had this old rocking chair in the corner of the front room." "He'd be upside down with his head hanging off where your legs would be and his feet up on the back of the rocking chair, going 90 miles an hour in it, going so fast, and it would be hitting the back of the wall." "And he'd be repeating everything verbatim off "Sesame Street."" "# Would you like to hear my voice" "# Sprinkled with emotion?" "And I thought, before I have this next baby, we've gotta try to get this calmed down." "So I take him to the pediatrician, Dr. Fulton." "He did a rapid eye movement test with a flashlight in his eyes, and he went," ""Okay, we've got trouble here."" "# I cannot see..." "And he said, "Okay, I'm gonna give you this tablet."" "And I believe it was something like Ritalin." "So I gave it to him that night and..." "Oh, my God." "He just went off the rails." "# If I had to lose a mile" "# If I had to touch feelings" "# I would lose my soul" "# The way I do" "# I don't have to think" "# I only have to do it" "# The results are always perfect" "# But that's old news" "# Would you like to hear my voice  # sprinkled with emotion?" "Kurt, he was hyper, full of energy, always busy." "You know, jumping off of things, knocking things over..." "Anything that had to do with being a normal child." "And Don, he didn't know how to handle that." "He was one of those kind of people that just thought that children should be seen and not heard and shouldn't cause any trouble." "I mean, he belittled and ridiculed Kurt and Kurt would be shamed." "# Inside me..." "I mean, it really hurt him to be embarrassed." "Then, I don't know." "I just..." "I started to mature." "You know, I started getting older and kind of looking back at..." "Kind of the song..." "It may have even stirred this in me, "Is this all there is?"" "You know, is this my life?" "I haven't done anything with my life." "In those days, people didn't get divorced." "I mean, I didn't know anybody that was divorced." "You just..." "You were in the soup." "You didn't think about divorce." "Kurt was nine at the time, and everybody was talking about it." "It just embarrassed him to death that we had gotten divorced." "He took light bulbs out of all the lights and would lock the babysitter in, came outside and just became really unruly." "And I said, "This is not going to happen anymore."" "And so I took him over to his dad's house." "She couldn't handle him..." "So I took him." "I liked it, really, you know, having him, him and I together like that." "Don Cobain Kurt's father" "And I think there's one thing that I said at one time, that I was never gonna get married again." "And I think he took that for a word." "Then I met Jennifer and we got married, and, you know, he had a stepbrother and sister and then our son Chad." "He wanted to be in a family, period." "And I felt that just from the beginning." "Jenny Cobain Kurt's stepmother" "The game nights that we had, that was really important to him." "You know, we didn't want to do it on a Wednesday night." "You know, he'd say, "Nope, we have to." "That's what we..."" "Just I could feel that he really liked that time, but he always wanted to win." "And if he didn't win, he was mad." "He wanted to be the most loved, and it just wasn't the ideal world that he thought a family should be." "So he just decide he wasn't going to do anything anybody said." "He'd just lay on the couch and watch TV, go down in his room and play the guitar." "And then he started just doing really mean things to the kids, and then it just got so..." "I think it was kind of my fault in a way, because I couldn't deal with it anymore." "And I told Don he's going to have to get out of the house." "He went to Wendy's brother's for a while, then with my mom and dad." "He lived with them for a while." "You know, then come back to us and still have problems." "It was like nobody..." "After a couple weeks, they wanted him out." "I think the sad part of the whole thing is that Kurt just really wanted to be with his mom." "Monsters from beneath by Kurt Cobain" "# Underneath the bridge" "# Tarp has sprung a leak" "# And the animals are trapped" "# They've all become my pets" "# And I'm living off of grass" "# And the drippings from my ceiling" "# It's okay to eat fish" "# 'Cause they don't have any feelings" "# Something in the way" "# Mmm-mmm" "# Something in the way, yeah" "# Mmm-mmm" "# Something in the way" "# Mmm-mmm" "# Something in the way, yeah" "# Mmm-mmm." "He just was in so much pain that he, you know, took it out on his mom and took it out on his dad and took it out on his siblings." "But it's almost like he didn't..." "He didn't feel worthy because he was rejected, basically." "And I don't know how anybody deals with having your whole family reject you." "# Like most babies smell like butter" "# His smell smelled like no other..." "# He was born scentless and senseless" "# He was born a scentless apprentice..." "Ah!" "In a community that stresses macho male sexual stories as a highlight of all conversation," "I was an underdeveloped, immature little dude that never got laid and was constantly razzed." "Oh, poor little kid." "It bothered me, probably more so because I was horny, and frequently had to make up stories like," ""When I went on vacation, I met this chick and we fucked and she loved it."" "Et cetera, et cetera." "This typical pubescent problem was in effect during the height of my problems with my father and stepmom, you know, the typical wicked stepmom story." "And so I moved to both grandparents' and four sets of aunts and uncles and so forth and so on within the year." "And in eighth grade, my mom had no choice to take me in because my dad packed my stuff and drove me to her house in the morning and left me there." "She was pissed." "I accumulated quite a healthy complex, not to mention a complexion." "Then one day I discovered the most ultimate form of expression ever..." "Marijuana." "Oh, boy, pot." "I could escape all day long and not have routine nervous breakdowns." "Trevor was a guy I hated, but resorted to becoming friends with because he was the only person I could get pot from." "He was the kingpin." "Trevor "Ace" John Dernan..." "All white trash, lowlife scum of the Earth according to the jocks..." "Had been going to this girl's house after school and they invited me." "We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in." "It wasn't obvious to me for over an hour that this girl seemed kind of quiet until one of the guys pointed out that she was in a special ed class." "I'm sure a lot of kids would call her a "retard" and some just "slow."" "And at the time and still to this day," "I would call her "quiet and illiterate", but not retarded." "The object of the guys who'd been going there for the past month was to steal booze from the downstairs basement den of her house." "While others distracted her, one would go down and take a fifth and then exit out the downstairs." "So we did this routine every other day and got away with it for, oh, about a month." "And during that month happened to be the epitome of my mental abuse from my mother." "It turned out that pot didn't help me escape my troubles too well anymore and I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things like stealing booze and busting store windows." "And nothing ever mattered." "I decided within the next month," "I'll not sit on my roof and think about jumping, but I'll actually kill myself." "And I wasn't going out of this worl without actually knowing what it was like to get laid." "So one day after school, I went to the girl's house alone and invited myself in." "And she offered me some Twinkies, and I sat on her lap and I said, "Let's fuck."" "And I touched her tits and she went into her bedroom and got undressed in front of me." "And I watched and realized that it was actually happening." "So I tried to fuck her, but didn't know how, and asked her if she had ever done this before." "And she said a lot of times, mainly with her cousin." "I got grossed out very heavily with how her vagina smelled when her sweat reeked, so I left." "My conscience grew to where I couldn't go to school for a week." "And when I went back, I got in-house suspension for skipping." "And that day, the girl's father came in, screaming and accusing someone of taking advantage of his daughter." "And so during lunch, a rumor started, and by the next day, everyone was waiting for me, to yell and cuss and spit at me, calling me "the retard fucker."" "I couldn't handle the ridicule, so I got high and drunk and walked down to the train tracks and laid down and put two big pieces of cement on my chest and legs, and I waited for the 11:00 train." "The train came closer and closer and closer, and it went on the next track besides me instead of over me." "The tension from school had an effect on me." "And the train scared me enough to try to rehabilitate myself, and my..." "My lifting weights and mathematics seemed to be improving, so I became less manically depresse but still never had any friends because I..." "I hated everyone, for they were so phony." "When Kurt was about 15, he moved back in with Mom and I, and it was a struggle." "You know, it was still him wanting to rebel and getting stoned and going out with his friends, and not wanting to, you know, do chores, and, you know, he was always wanting to, like, just do his own thing." "Kim Cobain Kurt's sister" "He wanted normalcy..." "He wanted the mom, the dad, and the kids and everything happy." "But then he didn't, 'cause he kind of fought against it." "So he fought against what he really wanted." "Hello?" "Hello?" " You still there?" "Yeah." " I put you on speakerphone now." "Okay." "Are you recording this or writing it down?" "Yeah, I'm recording and writing." "People don't realize where we really came from, you know?" "What an isolated hellhole it really is." "You know, man, if the witch burnings would've been, like, legal, we'd all be dead now, you know?" "Fuck, yeah." "Did you ever see that movie "Over the Edge"?" "Yeah!" " I mean, God." "That movie had such an effect on me." "Okay, you guys, you're to take these home to your parents." "It's to let them know about a special emergency meeting to discuss the problems about you people." " I love that movie." "I always wanted to do that at Monte." " Me, too." "I tried, you know." "I wanted to be a vandal and I wanted to hold everyone captive in the school." "Everybody that's ever messed with me in one room." "That'd be just about everybody in town." "We should go down there and tell them all to go to hell." "Come on!" "I don't know how many of us are willing to admit just how deep in trouble some of the kids in this city are." "Has anyone ever sat down and talked to these kids?" "I talk to them six hours a day until I'm blue in the face." "I spend more time with your kids than you people do." "You think those kids are interested in learning?" "You ought to come in and see what goes on in the classroom!" "# Won't you believe it?" "Just my luck" "# Won't you believe it?" "Just my luck..." "# No recess..." "# No recess..." "Most of the teachers, God..." "The last couple of years of school in the mid-eighties, there was so much Reagan propaganda going on." "This teacher would just go off on it." "Everything..." " It ruined..." "Oh!" "Practice your piano!" "You need practice on it!" "Go to hell!" "Burn the place to the fucking ground." " Yeah." "# No recess..." "# No recess..." "High school's such a worthless fucking nothing." "God, what torture, you know?" "No, I quit the last two months of school." "I was so withdrawn by that time and I was so antisocial that I was almost insane." "You know, I felt so different and so crazy that people just left me alone." "# No recess!" "Did Kurt find the undergroun or did the underground find him?" "I think he went in search of it, and I think they found each other." "He was searching for whatever made him feel like he wasn't alone and that he wasn't so different." "When did you first hear punk rock?" "You know, I wanted to hear punk rock forever." "Of course, they didn't have it in our record shop in Aberdeen." "Then, finally, Buzz Osborne, who had been a friend of mine off and on, made me a couple compilation tapes." "And I was completely blown away." "I would lip-sync to those tapes and I wore them out, and I'd play them every day, you know?" "It's the greatest thing." "It expressed the way I felt socially and politically, and it was the anger that I felt, the alienation." "And I realized that this is what" "I've always wanted to do." "# Fill me in on your new vision" "# Wake me up with indecision" "# Help me trust your mighty wisdom..." "# I'm new, I'm new, I'm who, I'm you" "Just the fact that we were actually playing music live in a room, it was amazing." "It was, like, the most incredible thing I've ever done." "# Easy in an easy chair" "# Poop as hard as rock" "# I don't like you anyway" "# Seal it in a box..." "If we played together in the house for a couple of hours and if two people stopped by, we considered that a gig, you know, a show." "That was good enough." "We had an audience of two people, you know?" "Locals who hated our guts and thought it was terrible music." "I think I was 18 or 19 years old, and Kurt was like 17." "But he liked punk rock music, and so that piqued my interest." "Krist Novoselic Kurt's friend" "And then I noticed what a good artist he was." "And so he was working at the time as a janitor, but he'd always have to, like, do some kind of art, you know, usually defacing something." "He never had, like, idle hands." "It just came out of him." "He had to express himself." ""Heavy Metal", take three." "Well, who taught you how to play guitar anyway?" "All right." "Brilliant." "Brilliant improvisational." "Wow, Jerry Garcia would really like this." "I'm gonna send him a tape." " Send it to Jerry." "I'll just have to sprinkle it with patchouli or something." "Dig right into it." "Whoa!" "Wait, wait, wait." "Ready?" "You alcoholics!" " Film in the dark, dick!" "# Hey" "# Pick me, pick me, yeah" "# Let alone your signal" "# At least, at least, yeah" "# Everyone is hollow" "# You're last on last, yeah" "# Everyone is playing" "# Pick me, pick me, yeah" "# You can eat my marrow" "# Hey" "# Dive, dive, dive" "# Dive in me" "# Dive, dive, dive" "# Dive in me" "# On me" "# Nothing else" "# Nothing else." "He really didn't want to live with his mom or his dad." "He wanted to be on his own." "And at that time..." "So he moves into this dump." "He wasn't making a lot of money, and I think he was scared, not being able to pay his own way." "He didn't know what he was going to do." "And in the hallway outside the apartment, it was completely graffitie with Scooby-Doo, Rocky and Bullwinkle." "When it was part of the bathroom..." "There was just no way he was going to be the 9:00-to-5:00 work guy that comes home with a briefcase and wife cooks him dinner." "I mean, this just wasn't ever going to happen." "But he wanted some type of connection." "This is love." " This is love." "This is shitting, pissing, fucking all over each other, licking and spitting up Gerber baby food, not worrying if the plastic tarp is on the floor, 'cause, baby, this is love." "Well, I know some people will say that..." "That I treated Kurt maternally, took care of him, but I'd like to think it was more I was trying to nurture him rather than take care of him." "Tried to nurture who he was and get him to..." "Let him do his art, let him do his music and encourage him to get better at it as opposed to trying to stifle it." "But also not try to be the mom, but trying to be a nurturing girlfriend... or friend." "Tracy Marander Kurt's girlfriend" "We met at a party, and, you know, I liked him." "I had a crush on him." "And then finally somebody told him," ""Don't you get that she likes you or something?"" "'Cause he was just kind of clueless about it, you know?" "Hey!" "I liked that he was funny." " He made me laugh." "He wasn't afraid to be, you know, goofy or silly." "But mostly we just had a good time hanging out." "I think he might have been a bit angry at the way he was treated at school and angry with his mom and with his dad." "I think it was not so much it was hard for him to accept love, but the fact that maybe he was afraid of getting hurt." "He was living at this tiny little house in Aberdeen." "I just said, "Why don't you just move in with me and be in Olympia?"" "So we moved in together." "It was nice to have someone to share the evening with as well as the daytime." "Sitting on the couch at the same time, each reading a book." "It was just..." "You kind of felt grown-up as opposed to just being still, you know, a teenager." "KURT:" "I decided this worning (again) that I LOVE you LOTS+ Am so happy you love me to." "Tracy" "I LOVE YOU" "Don't read my diary when I'm gone when you wake up, please read my diary." "Look trought my things, and figure me out." "I'd like to think he was happy." "We were very much in love with each other." "And I decided I'd just try to support him because he wanted to be a musician, he wanted to, you know, get his band going." "He was ambitious." "He didn't want to just be..." "Play in a bar band, you know, and play music that way." "He wanted to be a success." "Good luck." "Good luck." "Good luck." " Shh!" "Part the Red Seas!" "What the fuck?" "Go on, boy!" "# Bell on door clanks, come on in" "# Floyd observes my hairy chin" "# Sit down chair, don't be afraid" "# Steamed hot towel on my face" "# I'm ashamed" "# Barney ties me to a chair" "# I can't see, I'm really scared" "# Floyd breathes hard, I hear a zip" "# Pee-pee pressed against my lips" "# I was shamed" "# Oh, I was shamed" "# I was shamed." "Hey, thanks, everybody, for coming." "Yeah!" "When I met him, he was a handyman and then, he got a job as a janitor cleaning, like, you know, doctors' offices and dentists' offices and things like that." "But, yeah, he just ended up not having another job after that, so..." "So, who would support him?" "Me." "And what would he do all day while you were at work?" "It was kinda funny, 'cause sometimes he'd just sit there and watch TV for four hours." "And you'd think he wasn't creating, but he'd be playing guitar while he was doing that or think up stuff later, and then you'd go out for a few hours, and you'd come back," "and there was a painting on the wall, or there was a big comic strip or whatever." "He wrote a song." "You know, recorded it." "...finds them arriving at this scene..." "This is like fucking rad, you know?" "Cool." "Where's the..." "# Hey, a girl, she could bring me" "# I can be more, she could be free" "# I don't even care, we could be on free" "# She said, she said..." "Babies on my cold feet, at the end of my bed." "It is easy." "Shh, they're in the house." "They're in the house." "Some highlights follow, but we warn that viewers may find parts of the footage disturbing." "The object of the exercise is to observe the monster for as long as possible." "# Think I'll go for a walk outside now" "# The summer sun's calling my name..." "It is sucking dry all the resin from the bong water..." "# I hear you now" "# I just can't stay inside all day..." "A person who is success-minde has a success consciousness and success awareness..." " # Everybody's smiling" "# Into the sunshine..." "Why is that so groovy?" "# She could have soared with pleasant dreams" "# She could evolve with what I've seen" "# She could have been a son" "# She could have sung a song" "# She could have" "# Sung a song..." "Hello?" "No, she's not." "She went to work." "All right." "# She could have" "# Sung a song..." "Bass part." "# You can't change me" "# Change me" "# Burn a note in" "# Under nighted valley" "# Then imagine" "# Under dark of the trees..." "Mr Moustache by Kurdt Kobane" "# She said" "# Sorry, man" "# Silence" "# Trippin'" "# Sorry, man" "# Sigh" "# Die" "# Die, man" "# Silent" "# Mama" "# Mama" "# Mama" "# Mama" "# Hey, man" "# Sorry, man" "# Sigh" "# Die" "# Die, man" "# Sorry, man." "That's why there's no other..." "A person who is success-minded has a success consciousness and suc..." "Boy, am I gonna wake you up!" "...success awareness." " Now come on!" "You know this is really the best way to start your day." "Now don't think about anything else but getting that body in shape, because you deserve it." "Now hold the stomach in." "Come on." "Give me some good posture." "Hold your head up high." "Tighten those butts!" "Get ready, because this is for..." "# She said she'd take me anywhere" "# She'd take me anywhere as long as she stays with me" "# She said she'd take me anywhere" "# She'd take me anywhere as long as I stay clean" "# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips" "# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips..." "This song has two notes." "That's it." "This note... and this note." "# She said she'd take me anywhere" "# She'd take me anywhere as long as she stays with me" "# She said she'd take me anywhere" "# She'd take me anywhere as long as I stay clean" "# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips" "# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips..." "# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips" "# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips." "Look at these losers." " Ha, ha, ha." "A bunch of long-haired fucking sissies, man." "Hi, my name's Dana." "I caught Nirvana in their dressing room on their recent tour." "At what point are you on this tour right now?" "We're at the point of kicking each other's ass." "I would imagine that the constant party atmosphere on the road would create a great deal of physical and mental stress." "How do you deal with it?" "We've prepared for the rock 'n' roll lifestyle." "We can kick it, man." "You know what?" "We should move in our stuff before it starts raining." "Yeah." "100% humidity here in Fort Worth, Texas." "...um, just excessive or frightening?" "Go in the van." " Hey, whoo!" "No, because we actually want to become more successful so we can have a comfortable life." "Neato." "Okay, man, take it away, buddy." " Don't worry about me." "I know this is kind of a strange angle, but it'll work." "Yes." "That's a big camera, man." "That's not your..." "How would you describe the music you play and the things you do?" "Well, the things we do is just we play a very powerful, high-energy type of rock 'n' roll." "We move around onstage a lot and just scream with an abandon, I guess." "What makes you want to be Nirvana?" "What makes us want to be Nirvana?" "We're Nirvana because we're not Aerosmith or something or "The Vegetables" or..." "What's the future of Nirvana?" "The future of Nirvana?" "I don't know." "Hopefully try to write some more good songs." "That's all we care about is writing good music." "If we get popular or not, it doesn't matter." "The music's more important." "...one song, and it's the last one." "# Would you believe me if I told you" "# You're the queen of my heart?" "# Please don't deceive me when I hurt you" "# Just ain't the way you seem" "# Can you feel my love buzz?" "Whoo!" "I remember the first review Nirvana ever got was for "The Love Buzz/Big Cheese" single we did." "And it was in this hip magazine out of Michigan these scenesters were doing, and they gave us a bad review, and they said it was like Lynyrd Skynyrd, but without the flares." "Kurt was really hurt with that, and he was telling me that." "He goes..." "And I'd said, "Don't worry about it." "They're just scenesters." "They're hipsters."" "Or, you know, "Screw them" or whatever." "But, you know," "Kurt hated being humiliated." "He hated it." "If he ever thought he was humiliated, then you'd see the rage come out." "And so he was also very careful and stubborn about how the way the art and the work was presented, because he didn't want to be humiliated." "I can be humiliated or, like, humiliate myself or whatever, but not Kurt, no." "He had really violent dreams a lot." "People would be breaking into his house, trying to kill him, and he'd have to stab them." "I mean once in a while, it might be his family who was trying to kill him, but that was just really rare." "Usually it was someone else coming after him that he didn't know." "I asked..." "I thought he should try to talk to someone, but without much money, that really wasn't going to happen." "Kurt would get stomachaches a lot and say his stomach hurt." "You know, he'd be feeling fine, and then he'd get out of the car and just be like, "I gotta throw up."" "I know he went to the doctor once or twice, but it didn't really work." "Most of the time, it's sitting right in my stomach." "Like where my stomach pain is." "Every time I've had an endoscope, they'd find a red irritation." "I would sing and cough up blood." "It's like this is no way to live a life." "I love to play music, but something's not right." "So I decided to medicate myself." "I tried heroine the first time in 1987 in aberdeen and proceeded to to use it about 10 (more) times from 87 to 90." "For five years every single day an ongoins stomach eilment had literally taken me to the point of won try to kill myself." "The pain became even more severe due to luck of a proper and rejimented eating schedule and diet." "How much of that pain would you say actually fuels what you're writing and playing?" "See, that's a scary question, because I think it probably helps, you know?" "But I would give up everything to have good health." "But then again, I'm always afraid that if I lost the stomach problem," "I might not be as creative." "There's a journal entry where Kurt mentions #oing heroin for the first time in 1987 when he was living with you." "See, he never told me that." "He totally had kept that from me, because I totally would have talked him out of it." "In fact, he used to make fun of some of the people in Seattle that were using that and say it was really stupid." "Because I've been told before that he was doing it when we were dating, but I'm like, "He didn't do it around me, ever."" "I never found anything, so  I'm so so sorry You're sick." "I hope you feel better soon start eating good." "I can't really say exactly why we broke up." "I just know that we were fighting more and he was staying away from the house more." "I think he just pretty much didn't love me as much as he used to or felt..." "He just felt like maybe he was moving ahead and I wasn't." "Kurt Cobain's here." "You know, Kurt Cobain from Aberdeen?" "What's going on, baby?" " Not a damn thing." "You called up and said, "I want to play some songs."" "So I said, "Rockin' good news."" " This is the truth." ""Bloody brilliant."" "Um, I just wrote most of the lyrics this evening." "In the car on the way up here?" "While I was driving with one foot." "Uh-huh." "Um, yeah, that's what I did, and I just thought I would just come here, say hi." "Well, let her rip." "Okay, is there any major label interest in you at the present?" "Can you say?" "Anybody not affiliated with CBS." "Would you consider changing?" "We're considering AMA because we want to get as much as we can." "But you're sort of this interesting mix of..." "As you say, you're one of the laziest people you know, but you're also ambitious for a lazy person." "You think so?" "How does it feel to be surrounded by so many people that are telling you that you'll soon be doing very well?" "I think it's embarrassing to have so many expectations and a totally superficial label to put on a ban to state that they're the next big thing, because, you know, that's not our goal in the first place." "People are putting that tag on us without us really wanting to do that, you know?" "You're not prepared for that?" "Not prepared?" "Nope." "Because we're not going to be." "We're prepared to destroy our careers if it happens." "# I'm so happy" "# 'Cause today I found my friends" "# They're in my head" "# I'm so ugly" "# That's okay, 'cause so are you" "# We broke our mirrors" "# Sunday morning is every day" "# For all I care and I'm not scared" "# Light my candles in a daze" "# 'Cause I found God" "# Yeah, yeah" "# Yeah, yeah" "# Yeah, yeah" "# Yeah" "# I'm so lonely" "# That's okay, I shaved my head" "# And I'm not sad" "# And just maybe I'm to blame" "# For all I've heard, but I'm not sure" "# I'm so excited..." "I am Kurt." "I play guitar and I sing." "And I am Dave, and I play drums, and I sing sometimes, but not that often." "I'm Krist, and I play bass and I don't sing, thank God." "# Yeah, yeah" "# Yeah..." "All right, Nirvana's joined us in the studio tonight." "A new music hour." "We got Krist Novoselic, got Kurt Cobain and Dave Grohl." "Their upcoming release "Nevermind"" "comes out the 24th of this month." "And you guys will be doing an in-store by the Beehive Music  Video on University District." "So go out and meet the band." "That's at 7:00 to 9:00." "# I like it, I'm not gonna crack" "# I miss you, I'm not gonna crack" "# I love you, I'm not gonna crack" "# I killed you, I'm not gonna crack" "# I like it, I'm not gonna crack" "# I'll miss you, I'm not gonna crack" "# I love you, I'm not gonna crack" "# I killed you, I'm not gonna crack." "End of July or August, he's home." "And he comes downstairs and he's in his little whitey-tighties, no shirt, barefoot, no pants other than his undies, and, uh..." "Very Don Cobain." "That's another thing I got sick of looking at." "And he's standing there with this tape in his hand." "I go, "What's that?"" "And he goes, "It's the master cut to my new album." "Can I put it on the stereo?"" "And I go, "Yeah." "And turn it up!" "Up, up, up!"" "'Cause I listen to music really loud." "And I look at him and I go, "Oh, my God."" ""Oh, my God." And I almost started crying." "I mean, not from happiness, from fear." "It was fear." "And I just went," ""This is going to change everything."" "And I said, "You better buckle up, 'cause you are not ready for this."" "For someone like yourself, when you're sort of..." "Say your dreams come true, all the worst aspects of them come true as well." "It's like, be careful what you wish for." "You're gonna get it." "Yeah." "How are you sort of dealing with the pull-apart?" "You know, being pulled apart by stuff like that?" "I don't know if I expressed that the right way." "Well, um..." "# Load up on guns" "# Bring your friends" "# It's fun to lose into pretend" "# She's overboard" "# And self-assured" "# Oh, no, I know" "# A dirty word" "# Hello, hello" "# Hello, hello" "# With the lights out" "# It's less dangerous" "# Here we are now" "# Entertain us" "# I feel stupid" "# And contagious" "# Here we are now" "# Entertain us" "# A mulatto" "# An albino" "# A mosquito" "# My libido" "# A denial" "# A denial." "Cool, and cut!" "Cut." " Let's wrap!" "Hey, man!" "If this bird goes down, this is the safest place to be..." "Right in the tail where the bathroom is." "As soon you walked on this plane," "I took one gander at you and I saw nothing but trouble." "Hah." "Bah!" " Peh!" "See if you can try and do it." "Me and my sidekick, "Treefrog Johnson" here, is gonna rip you a new butthole." "And is this time our time?" "What a sensitive man." "'Cause it says it's almost like 3:00 in the morning." "Time flies when you're having fun." "# I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care" "# Care, care if it's old" "# I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind" "# Mind, don't have a mind" "# Get away, get away, get away, get away" "# Way, way from your home" "# I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid" "# I'm afraid, 'fraid" "# Oh" "# Even if you have, even if you need" "# I don't mean to stare, we don't have to breed" "# We could plant a house, we could plant a tree" "# I don't mean to stare, we don't have to breed...  99 X..." "That Nirvana stuff that y'all played us last night, if I wanted to request one of those songs right now, could you play it?" "Do y'all have any bootleg CDs of Nirvana?" " Can you play Nirvana?" "Can you play that song by Nirvana?" " Can you play some Nirvana?" "Right here, a world premiere video from Nirvana." ""Smells Like Teen Spirit."" "# Oh" "# Even if you have, even if you need" "# I don't mean to stare, we don't have to breed..." "They told you the line to say?" " What do we say?" "This is..." "We're Nirvana, and this is "The Week in Rock."" "# We could have all three, she said..." "Hey, all you people staying up late on a Sunday night, slack off, you don't need your job!" "Don't say, "Yes, sir", "Yes, ma'am."" "Say, "Cram it!"" "Don't show up tomorrow, call in sick." "And this is Nirvana, and you're watching..." ""120 Minutes."" "...on..." "M-T-T-V." "# Yeah" "# Even if you have, even if you need" "# I don't mean to stare, we don't have to breed" "# We can plant a house, we can plant a tree" "# I don't even care, we can have all three" "# She said, she said" "# She said, she said, she said..." "The hottest new rock band in the country right now may well be Nirvana." "The hottest band around at the moment." "The band that it seems like everybody's talking about." "People, like, really seem to be getting into Nirvana right now." "Do you see when you go out and play shows, the crowds are getting different?" "I mean, isn't it pretty overwhelming?" "Everybody wants to be hip." "And so that's what it is..." "Everyone wants to be accepted." "#...said!" "Yeah?" "Okay." "Gold." "I just heard that you sold 600.000 albums in the United States." "Does that make it, like, platinum or something like that?" "It makes it gold." "It makes it a free gift to my mother for Christmas." "Exactly." " I don't have to pay for a gift now." "What's Mom getting for Christmas?" "Oh, I guess she's getting a gold record." "Does that mean you guys are, like, rich now?" "Hell, no." "We're so far from having any money." "I mean we get per diem, I guess." "Do you care what critics think?" " Oh, we..." "You know, I think..." " I've never sort of heard as many glowing criticisms." "Oh, glowing." " Doesn't that make you feel good?" "Well..." "I mean, it's better than being slammed, that's for sure." "But, you know, if I was reading the same thing about another band, I wouldn't believe it." "No way." "I'm not gonna believe some journalist that's just spewing about some band that he thinks, whatever, changed his life or..." "Yeah." " You know, can't believe everything you read." "I mean, all you have to do is..." "The music is a personal experience." "You put the music on and whatever you get out of it..." "You know, if it's good or bad." "If it's bad, you don't like it, you just walk away from it." "You know?" "And if it's good, it works for you..." "You know, this lighter..." " What the hell?" "Instead of..." "There are probably a lot of kids who would hear a song and actually feel, like, kinship..." "Whether you're having trouble with parents or school or, you know, the usual dysfunctional stuff that happens." "But when you're up there, do you have any sense of who you're playing to?" "I'm playing to kids in general." "I mean, it doesn't matter where they come from." "We have the same problems, and we all basically have the same thoughts, you know?" "# One baby to another says" "# I'm lucky to have met you" "# I don't care what you think" "# Unless it is about me" "# It is now my duty to completely drain you" "# I travel through a tube" "# And end up in your infection #...meat for you" "# Pass it back and forth" "# In a private kiss" "# From my mouth to yours" "# I like you..." "You guys don't like explaining anything to do with your music, but what's the problem with going on camera and just..." "There's nothing to be said." "It's all in the music, man!" "It's all in the music." "It's all in the meat." "You don't think that people that are fans of you would like to hear what you had in mind, maybe?" "Or what you were..." " I'd rather hear what they have in mind, you know?" "And how they interpret it." "In "Teen Spirit" you seem to complain about the apathy of our generation." "And do you share this lack of engagement yourself?" "What, being apathetic?" "Yeah." " Sure." "Why?" "Why?" "Because we sleep too much." "No, I mean, just say the..." " Do the first part only." "Just read it." "Hello." "Stay tuned for more..." "Nirvana on "ABC in Concert"!" "You wanna do it again?" " One more?" "Yeah, do one more..." "# With eyes so dilated, I've become your pupil" "# You tell me everything about..." "Probably the biggest band in the world right now, please welcome Nirvana!" "Nirvana are real." "There's nothing pretentious about them or anything like that." "They're world famous, you know?" "Maybe I'll watch this in the bar." "Kurt Cobain, he's so beautiful." "# Sloppy lips to lips" "# You're my vitamins" "# I like you..." "Interviews are worthless." "Let's go." "What do you think about interviews?" "It's a pretty good magazine." " What do I think?" "Did you hear my reaction when he asked me if I wanted to do one?" "Yeah." " I said, *** no." "Cobain has been mislabeled as a "spokesman for a disaffeced generation."" "He's not interested in the job." "His lyrics have a sheen of naiveté that just barely contains his anger- but gems like "I fell stupid and..." "Hey, I'm a hardcore Nirvana fan myself." "Yeah?" " Is this a disease that you've had long?" "Any cure for it?" " He's talking from his experiences." "He's talking from his experience." "Well, he's got lousy experience, sir." "Well, it's not his goal to make millions of dollars when he made the stuff." "He's writing about his life." "Well, his life needs to see a therapist or a minister, and it doesn't need to be on millions of CDs for kids to listen to and identify with and have more of their despair and their hopelessness emphasize" "by the tragedy of this man's life." "I feel like i'm being evaluated en' his A day **** is hardwork and the acclaim isn't worth it unless you still like playing" "God how I love plyings live." "But I'd be better off if I kept my mouth shut." "There's a cool breeze chappig my lips As my jaw hangs open discharging, waterfalls of guilty drool." "opening my mouth for the disaffected youth to ask them a question." "Are you kinda mad sometimes at your mom or dad kinda, in a way?" "Pissy little self appointel judge-curmudgean oh the Guilt!" "the Guilt!" "the autographs the fame the lights the flash the Glitter the Guilt the Guilt" "I guess each individual's going to deal with it the way they're going to deal with it." "I get..." "You know, it was kind of traumatic to be famous all of a sudden, especially coming from this complete obscurity and just being the number one band in the world." "So I did things like withdraw or drink." "You know, I'm lucky." "I had beer and wine, you know?" "Kurt had heroin." "Given how volatile and complicate things were for Kurt around that time, why do you think he chose that moment to, um, start his relationship with Courtney?" "I went..." "I had this relationship with this person, this woman." "And I just kind of wanted to build this home for myself, because my home growing up had fallen apart." "So I wanted to build a home." "And I think that Kurt wanted to do that, too." "He wanted to build a home, because his home and his family fell apart." "So when Courtney came into his life, they had..." "She was interesting, she was artistic, intellectual, and, you know, she did drugs, too, but that was all part of the package of building a home." "Check, check, check, check, check, check, check." "Let's watch their sound check, shall we?" "Sure." "Maybe that will bug them and they'll play really bad." "I don't have the answer." "So you're having a relationship with the guitar player?" "No?" "I don't know what it was." "Honestly." "It's over?" "I think, yeah." "What happened?" "I don't care." "Dude, we're making a movie." "Wow, did you curl your hair?" "You don't like it?" " It's nicer when it's straight because it doesn't make your face look so round." "Oh, my God!" " Uh..." "Hello." "How is it onstage?" "Is it..." "Is it clear onstage?" "Message For: mr." "Cobain Room: 154" "Time: 18:22 Courtney called her number is 212 7775544" "To Kurt Cobain i want to be somewhere above ya with all the candy in my hands." "you smell like waffles and milk." "# If she ever comes down now" "# If she ever comes down now  since sean i Maddona." "Acne superstar." "# If she ever comes down now" "Kim saz we are best looking ROCKPAR # If she ever comes down now" "Spill ice cream dawn my dress # If she ever comes now  with your Efes Wide aeN # If she ever comes now  and be my best girlfriend." "# If she ever comes down now" "I love and miss your body * # If she ever comes down now" "# Oh, she looks so good" "# Oh, she's made out of wood" "# She seems so..." "He was super cute, but he carried himself like someone who didn't know that." "And that was part of the charm." "Courtney Love  Kurt's wife" "He didn't know that he was a better-looking guy than Brad Pitt." "We got on like a house on fuckin' fire." "One caveat..." "I had already done heroin, beat the thing, had a rule, I loved it still, but I didn't have a fantasy that he had." "He had a fantasy." "His fantasy was" "I'm going to get to 3 million $, and then I'm going to be a junkie." "That was his..." "Those are his words." "# Come as you are" "# As you were" "# As I want you to be..." "# As a friend" "# As a known enemy..." "# Take your time, hurry up" "# The choice is yours, don't be late..." "There he is." " He's against the wall." "Oh, my God!" "He's totally trapped back there." "# Memoria..." "Is it fun to be famous?" "People who are really famous end up total reclusives, and then they don't do anything." "That sucks." "# And I swear that I don't have a gun" "# No, I don't have a gun" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go... #...ria" "# Memoria" "# Memoria" "# And I swear that I don't have a gun" "# No, I don't have a gun" "# No, I don't have a gun." "Nirvana!" "The money, the attention, the hype, the hysteria..." "Kurt Cobain, an overnight spokesman for many disaffected young people is spokesman for a generation." "For his generation, he's the closest to having a John Lennon." "It's not my fault." "I never wanted the fame." "You suck!" "Seattle's own Nirvana finds itself at the very top of "Billboard's" pop albums chart with its album "Nevermind", while guitarist Kurt Cobain just got engaged to Courtney Love, front woman of an L.A. band called Hole." "According to "Rolling Stone", Cobain fell ill with a stomach problem during their tour of four continents and had to cancel a number of dates in England." "There's been speculation of summer tour plans, but so far, only the next Reading Festival in August." "Nirvana is now retreating from doing interviews." "Whether it's a reaction to "too much, too soon, "" "the band would rather their music speak for itself than be knighted as spokesmen for a generation." "Right after you guys got married, they were the biggest band in the world, and Kurt decided to take six months off." "So, officially, in the story that's out in the world, he took six months off of their touring schedule?" "He could have toured the world at that point and made a shitload of money." "Oh, I see." "To me, it seemed like he wanted to stay in an apartment with you and do heroin." "Yeah, he wanted to stay in an apartment and do heroin and paint." "And play his guitar." "That's what he wanted to do." "Hi." "Hi." "This is our house." " This is where we live." "I know it looks disgusting now, but sometimes it's nice, I mean after when I clean it, 'cause no one else fucking does." "Okay, this is the toilet." "This is, um..." "This is me." " Hey." "Hello." " Do we have a turkey baster?" "What?" "Right." "Why do you think that everyone thinks you're the good one and I'm the bad one?" "Because I know how to "use my illusion."" "Where are you going?" "I'm going into my other room." "I paid for this." "Put on the "dancing merry chimp"!" "So is this the living room that that guy describe in "Rolling Stone" magazine?" "With nothing but a Twin Reverb amp and teddy bears to keep him company." " And the Cosmic Psychos." "The "Cosmo Psychos."" "There's Eric." " The champ." "Hi, honey." "Hi." " I love you a lot." "You are so cute." "Here, Eric, you fill in for a while." " Here." "This is the Kurt Cobain action figure." "Secret coded message in his guitar." "Kurt, I think he looks remarkably a lot like you." "Look at that." " That's a bachata." "And he's playing a..." "What looks to be a sort of Mosrite-y vintage..." "Come into the breakfast nook." "Are you filming us?" "Mm-hmm." "# She gives me everything" "# And tenderly" "# The kiss my lover brings" "# She brings to me" "# And I love her" "# Bright are the stars that shine" "# Dark is the sky" "# I know this love of mine" "# Will never die" "# And I love her..." "Courtney, when I say I love you I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever come close to intimidetis me into think otherwise." "# A love like ours" "# Will never die" "# As long as I hold you near me..." "Greatest Fuck of all Rucks let me live forever with you" "I love you more than my mother I'll Abort christ for you" "I'll make myself miserable to make you happy" "Did you guys want to have a baby?" "Oh, God, yes." "Yes, we wanted to have a baby, and I conceived Frances in December." "So, I was pregnant when I got married, yes." "We were all we had, so making a family as fast as possible was, you know, important." "You know, so, I mean, if I had had more time," "I'm telling you I'd have had more kids with him." "Why do you feel so bad?" "Why?" "Uh-huh." "Because I want to." "It's my fault." "All my fault." "You're beautiful." " I think you're really cute." "Thank you very much." "So do a lot of "Sassy" readers." "I married Bobby Sherman." "Do you think they do this to me?" " What?" "Do you think they do this to me when they read "Sassy"?" "Girls don't masturbate over their teen idols." "They don't?" "No, they make up much more intricate schematic plans." "Girls are a lot more complex than boys." "You don't know what girls do to each other." "Yes, I do." " No, you don't." "They're vicious." " I mean, you can know about crafty girls all you want, but I wouldn't let you go on tour with crafty girls because fuckin'..." "It doesn't fuckin' matter, man." "They..." "They..." "They diss me." "They diss me all the time." "I'd be fat." "I can't..." "I know it's not even like I can't trust you, it's just you can't trust men in general, even if they're new men and they're you." "And even if they're like you, you still can't trust them." "I understand what you're trying to say, but I don't agree." "Just because you..." " I'm a new man." "I'm a man for the '90s." "I'm Ward Cleaver." "And then, you being you, you'd be all sensitive and you'd go..." ""How are we gonna tell Courtney?"" "Meanwhile, I've ruined my career, I've ruined my life, become the most hated woman in America, because I'm 200 pounds." "But you're already the most hated woman in America." " What?" "You and Roseanne Barr are tied for being the most hated woman in America." "Okay, I married Bobby Sherman, I'm the most hated..." "Ruined my body, not play the Reading Festival this year when I could have kicked your ass." "Just..." " You could..." "You should still play the Reading..." "Oh, yes, I should just play the Reading Festival." "Dive into the crowd..." " Right." "That's right." "Shoot off a gun, light yourself on fire." "Let everyone see this." " And give birth." "And this is only half of it." "The rest is yet to come." " Look." "Moustache." "Hmm, I like that." " Wait, wait." "Free moustache rides!" "It's a "womb broom."" "Keep it, please?" " Okay!" "Ha!" "Just keep it for the night." " No way!" "Please, Kurt, you need..." "This is the..." " # Outshined, Outshined" "# Outshined!" "("Outshined"; a song by the American rock band Soundgarden)" "This is the look of Aberdeen." "Come on, look at the camera." "I was in Vietnam." "You weren't in Vietnam." "I was in Vietnam." "Look at my large breasts." ""Dearest 'Sassy' and whoever else is responsible for the Kurt Cobain, Courtney 'Pig' story," "Your story in April's 'Sassy' about Kurt Cobain and that Courtney hag truly made me want to vomit." "First of all, what could have been a beautiful interview experience with Kurt Cobain, the god of love in human form, was totally ruined by nasty old dirty Miss Love running her big, fat mouth." "Who cares about her stupid Victorian house or her sucky ban or how she was so obnoxious and pushy that she scared poor Kurt into going out with her?" "Secondly, you guys are supposed to be so understanding and all that, so what possessed you to be so insensitive to those of us who would lick the ground that Kurt Cobain walked on?" "You could have just mentioned the vile Courtney, but, oh, no, you went so far as to show her kissing Kurt." "Blech!" "I will never forgive you." "Never, never, never!" "Sincerely disillusioned with life," "Stacy the Kurt slave."" "And there's a little happy face on the bottom." "Happy face..." ""This is not currently me, thanks to you."" "Why don't..." "Why don't you interview us?" "Kurt and Courtney?" "This is slow." "It's too slow." " "Sassy 2."" "How does it feel to be fast?" "Life in the fast lane." "At the height of their drug abuse..." "Damn, if I wasn't so needle-sick," "I'd be on tour with Guns N' Roses right now." "Me and Axl would be whooping it up, snake-dancing across the universe." "Snake-dancing across the stage together singing Nazareth songs." "But I'm too goddamn needle-sick, man." "Are you fucked up, baby?" "Hack, hack." "# You love me, you love me" "# Pretty please" "# I wanna be your girlfriend" "# Let me just be your girlfriend..." "# Let me just be your girlfriend" "# Well, then put it in my anus" "# And it kinda was heinous..." "# But put it in my anus and it kinda was heinous" "# But put it in my anus and it kinda was smelly" "# And I wanna be your girlfriend" "# I wanna be your girlfriend" "# I wanna ride your Bratmobile, baby" "# I wanna know how you really feel, yeah" "# I wanna ride in your Bratmobile" "# I wanna shoot up in your Bratmobile" "# 'Cause put it in my butt - # I feel insane" "# And I'll feel sexy, but..." "# Put it in my baby..." "I did do heroin when I was pregnant, and then I stopped." "And I knew she would be fine." "Come on!" "So, he was never concerned that our child would have..." "I assured him that I was built like an oxen and could carry this pregnancy to term and not have any problems." "But, you know, I was a young woman." "The pregnancy isn't the problem." "It's the being around a junkie while I'm pregnant when I'm a junkie, too, and I know the minute that baby's out," "I'm going to go shoot up in celebratory fashion." "You know what I mean?" "Like, that was our lifestyle." "the male Seahorse carries the children and gives them Birth." "Pain will dissolve the sea monkeys at present." "Sea monkeys will hatch and reproduce." "We say, "Adieu", little girl." "They found the little girl's skin under his yellow, cigarette-stained fingernails." "# And if you say your prayers" "# You will make God happy" "# And if you do what's told" "# You will make me happy" "# I'll keep you in a jar" "# And you will seem happy" "# I'll give you breathing holes" "# You will think you're happy..." "CRACK BABIES micro embryonic Fluids" "Abort christ" "Strange Love" "Sources maintain that the Cobains have been heavily into heroin." ""Courtney was pregnant and she was shooting up." "Kurt was throwing up on people in the cab." "They were both out of it."" "It's a sick scene in that apartment says a close friend." "Persistent drug rumors," ""We went on a binge" she says," ""We did a lot of drugs." "...we copped some dope." ""It's appalling to think that she'd be taking drugs when she knew she was pregnant,"" "says one close friend." ""We're all worried about that baby."" "Kurt seems fragile." "He looks as if he might break." "I feel violeted" "Dear Emoty TU The Entity of all Corporte Gods how fucking dare you embrase such trash journalism from en overweight Cow who severely needs her Karma Broken." "... I've heard so many exaggerated stories or reports from my friends how I'm A notoriosly sucked up" "Heroin addict, self destructive, alcoholic yet overly sensitive frail, fragile," "Neurotic, little piss Ant who At any minute is going to O.D." "# Am surly  Jump off a roof" "# Dea..." "Blow my head" "# Death..." "Or All 3 t once." "Does that get to you?" "To read things like you're dying of smack addiction and shit like..." "Yeah, it makes you feel like the kid in school who gets picked on all the time." "Or it makes you feel like the school slut." "Party on, Wayne." "I feel like people want me to die, because it would be the classic rock 'n' roll story." "# Dea..." "Death" "# Dea..." "Death..." "I would like to professionally and publicly announce that this is our last show." "There's been some pretty extreme things written about us, especially my wife, 'cause she thinks everybody hates her now." "So, um..." "I wanted to give her a message and say," "Courtney, we love you." "Okay, ready?" "On the count of three." "One, two, three." "Courtney, we love you!" "Thanks." "# Oh" "# When I was an alien" "# Cultures weren't opinions" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# When I'm there" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# I had better wait" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# When I'm there" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# I had better wait" "# Just because you're paranoid" "# Don't mean they're not after you" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# When I'm there" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# When I'm there" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# I had better wait" "# Gotta find a way, a better way" "# I had better wait." "Nirvana star Kurt's baby born a drug addict" "Hooked An insider at the Cedars Sinai Hopital in Los Angeles revealed yesterday:" ""The baby was high on methadone when she was born." "She was fed the drug in the womb via her mother who was still hooked when she was born." ""The quickest way to get her off the drug was to let her go cold turkey." "She suffered cold sweats, shivering cramps and muscle spasms but she should live"" "Shame "Courtney was a real handful." "She was so spaced out she had no idea what the was doing." "Pals say Kurt, whose hits with Nirvana include Smells Like Teen Spirit, was "very relieved" fer the birth." "One added: "He's happy that the baby has relieved..." "An article in Vanity Fair implied that Ms. Love had taken heroin well into the pregnancy." "Two weeks after the baby was born, using the article as evidence, the Los Angeles County Department of Children's Services force the couple to surrender the child to Ms. Love's sister." "Although the Cobains soon regained custody, county officias continued to monitor them." "Hi." "How you doing?" "You're getting suspicious with this electronic device in your face, huh?" "Staring right at it." "What..." "What do you see in there?" "Nothing." "Would you show your butt for the cam..." "Oh, a little wet, okay." "A little pee." " That is most definitely amphibian." "Don't look at me." "Don't..." "Frances, this is your real problem." "Everywhere Daddy looks, you won't look." "Hi, hi." " Look at that." "Bah!" "This is the happiest day I've ever seen." "Don't you think?" " She knows." "She's..." "Now she's got lots of things in store for her." "You wanna be a star for a while and I'll film?" "Wanna be the star?" "Fly." "Want to fly?" "Fly?" "Fly?" "Ah?" "Nose?" "Taste good?" "Ha!" "Wanna barf in my mouth again?" "Three times the charm!" "Ah!" " Are you getting all this?" "Yes!" " Oh, aren't we lucky?" "Oh, I know." "Seven months ago, I shose to put myself in position which requires the highest form of responsibility a person can have." "... Everytime I see a teevision show that has duing children or seeing testimony by a parents who recently ost their child I can't help but cry." "The thought of losing my baby haunts me every day." "... I will fight to my death to keep the right to provide for my child." "I'll go out of my way to remind her that I love her more than I love myself." "Not because it's a fathers duty, but because I want to out of love." "Are you worried about the kind of mistakes that might have been made in your growing up that sort of impacts how you deal with her situation?" "No." "My father and I are completely different people." "I know that I'm capable of showing a lot more affection than my dad was." "I mean, even if Court and I were to get a divorce," "I would never allow us to be in a situation where there are bad vibes between us in front of her." "If there's anything that we're determined to do, it's to give Frances as much love as we can." "I mean, if anything, it's going to stop me from pursuing this rock 'n' roll thing." "It's going to be her because I don't want her to be screwed up because of it." "I don't know what's going to happen in the next few years." "It's..." "It's kind of scary." "I'm been blessed with little person" "I can't let myself be much closer" "I'm afraid of her life when she gets older" "I dropped it." "Mommy's loud." "I'm loud." " Oh, who's a big crybaby?" "Oh, look at this, she's..." "She's kind of upset." "Okay, let's get her naked." "That's what I want." "I want you naked." ""Nirvana!" "Who the fuck do you think you are?" " Ew!" "Seeing your interviews makes me think you guys are the most immature pieces of trash ever made." "If you assholes could ever write anything that could come close to anything Guns N' Roses has written, maybe you could talk, but until you sell a few billion more albums, take your head out of your asses and smell the air." "It smells like Guns N' Roses!" " Guns N' Roses!" "Shy Sue, nine years old."" " Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you." "Okay, enough with the cute voices." "Leave me alone." "I have to read this now." "Especially you." "Don't look at me." "Don't look at me." "Hey!" "Nirvana tot bounces back from drug fear" "SHOCK rocker Kurt Cobain of Nirvana has a healty new baby daughter- despite his wife going on a drugs bings during her pregnancy." "Dady Kurt quits drugs" "Kurt Cobain-whose daughter Frences was born ast month addicted to heroin-has quit drugs." "The Nirvana singer says: "Holding my baby is the best drug in the world."" "The public didn't know it, but the battle to have free and clear custody of Frances still raged on." "Frances now lived with Kurt and Courtney," "In an isolation tank, but the couple had to submit to regular urine tests and a socia worker had to check up on them periodicaly to make sure they were raising their child in an acceptable manner." "on 50 hits of Demerol, as New Age music poisons the scarce, humid air." "# Well, congratulations" "# You have won" "# It's a year's subscription" "# Of bad puns" "# And a makeshift story" "# Of concern..." "Bog you down." "Tonight from Hollywood, we bring you a most unusual broadcast, starring a famous radio couple who have never before appeared in a story of this kind." "This is Kurt Cobain." "I have a lot of things to say to you." "A lot of fucking things to say to you, you parasitic little fucking cunt." "You're not writing about my band." "You're writing about how jealous you are of my wife." "You have absolutely no fucking idea what you're doing." "You will find out." "I don't care if this is a recorded threat." "I'm at the end of my rope." "Never been more fucking serious in my life." "Everything we do..." "Develop personal courage, confidence and belief in our own abilities..." "Make your determination so strong that it will eliminate any situation or circumstance which stands in the way of your goal." "Check, check, check, check, check." "Uh-huh, this looks just like the Metallica video." "This is part of your rock-u-mentary." "I think the problem..." " Come on, now." "It really expresses the way you guys..." "You can't just do what you do onstage." "You can't." "You're making an album." "Frances." "Frances, Frances, Frances!" "Ha!" "Okay, okay." "I have to..." "Now they're calling me." "I have to work now." "Take the baby." " Well, rock on." "Daddy's gotta go rock!" "# Teenage angst has paid off well" "# Now I'm bored and old" "# Self-appointed judges judge" "# More than they have sold" "# If she floats, then she is not" "# A witch like we had thought" "# A down payment on another" "# One at Salem's lot..." "You said before, let's make a record to use most of your writing." "I was in the beginning, about a year and a half ago." "I was completely fed up with the whole thing." "I didn't want to be a rock star at all." "It was just..." "It was freaking me out, you know." "But I've had two years to recuperate." "# That legendary divorce is such a bore" "# As my bones grew, they did hurt" "# They hurt really bad" "# I tried hard to have a father" "# But instead I have a dad" "# I just want you to know that I" "# I don't hate you anymore" "# There is nothing I could say" "# I haven't thought before" "# Serve the servants" "# Oh, no, serve the servants" "# Oh, no" "# That legendary divorce is such a bore." "Nirvana's third album "In Utero, "" "a record with a decidedly hard-edged sound, courtesy of maverick producer Steve Albini, will make its debut at number one on Monday's new "Billboard" pop chart." "Nirvana will be starting a U.S. tour..." "# Happy birthday to you" "# Happy birthday, dear Frances" "# Whoo" " Happy birthday to you." "You're one!" "You're one!" "One year old!" "Fred?" " The whole night." "Okay with this." "But we've got something to do." "Oh, a parade." "Nice." "Kurt, you can't leave!" "Come back!" "Big Bird parade." "Would you like some cake?" " What are you doing?" "I'm not opening this till you come back." "Kurt?" "What do you want?" " Kurt, it's Frances' first haircut." "All right?" "I'm gonna take the chair out, put her on her throne." "Yeah, do that." "Should I do it right here?" "Kurt, sit her on her throne." "Where's the scissors?" "You got them?" "Yeah, somebody's gotta hold..." " I can do it." "No, I'm doing the haircut." "Mmm..." " So..." "Yes, I am." "You're not very skilled at using scissors." " Yes, I am." "I'm doing the haircut." "I don't have to be conscious..." "Oh!" "Jesus Christ." "Okay." "Oh." " You are such a good baby." "Shall I go down and get a bowl?" " Hey, Brit?" "Will you try and find the classical station on there?" "Hey, Kurt..." "Okay." "This is her Cartier comb." "Mahna." "Mahna." " That's right." "# Mahna mahna, do do do do do" "# Mahna mahna, do do do do" "# Mahna mahna, do do do do do..." "You haven't been eating a lot." "You don't feel like a bloated child." "Yeah, you got to force her to eat lately." "She's been sick." "Well, you really have to force her to eat." "She's not..." "She's not motivated to..." "We don't have any luck with it at all." "This is, like, a big deal." " I'm so tired." "I am sorry." " I can't keep my eyes open." "Stop it." " Kurt, you don't want our daughter to see you behaving like you're... on drugs." "I'm not on drugs, I'm tired." "Do you have more teeth?" "You have more teeth?" "Please?" " Your teeth were so as a kid." "See?" "See?" "Wife beating." "Here we go." "No, no." "Oh, I'll hold her." ""Ow, my pretty golden locks." "It was going to be as long as Brenda's from '90210.'"" "You look so gorgeous." "You won't be able to believe it." "Ooh, pancake." "You won't be able to believe it." "# Amazing grace" "# How sweet the sound..." "# That saved a wretch" "# Like me" "# I once was lost" "# But now am found" "# Was blind" "# But now I see..." "It just..." "Every week it got worse." "And sometimes he would come home," "I think to hide, and it was really bad." "He started getting sores and he was losing weight and nodding out and..." "I was pretty sure he knew I knew." "But I decided one time to just confront him." "And so I went up to his bedroom." "He was sitting on the side of the bed, and he was crying, because I had just arrived and he knew it was breaking my heart." "And I talked to him about it and everything that I had learned about heroin." "And I asked him if he was at the stage of where he was addicted to also the needle prick." "And he burst into tears." "And he was just ashamed." "One of the songs that, actually," "I really liked on "In Utero"" "but which you took off was" ""I Hate Myself and I Wanna Die."" "How literal was that song in terms of the title?" "As literal as a joke could be." "I mean, nothing more than a joke." "And what kind of..." " Who were you playing the joke on?" "'Cause I have to admit, my first reaction was, you know, either this is really intensely satirical or there's some really dark shit happening here." "I'm really thankful for a lot of things..." "My family, my child." "And every month," "I come to more optimistic conclusions." "Do you find that you're getting happier in general?" "Yeah." " I hope I don't become so blissful that I lose..." " Become boring." "Yeah, I become boring or I lose my edge or whatever it is, you know." "And who knows?" "I don't have any new songs right now, so I'm starting from scratch for the first time." "Tabula rasa, that'll be interesting." " Yeah." "Is there a little fear of the unknown?" "Yeah, definitely." "Check, check, check." "Check, check, check." "Turn both guitars down." "Turn both guitars down now." " They're too loud." "Scott, you know that goofy-ass stuff that they have at music stores called "Finger-ease"?" "That's a lot better." " Thanks." "It's like an anal gel." "If I could just put some on this string..." ""Finger-ease"?" "It's called "Finger-ease"" "that your..." "Yeah, it's like a roll-on." "I just need it on one string." "God, I'm being picky today." "Baby." "Will you guys, like..." "Will you and Janet and everybody that I know sit in the front so I can look at you?" "'Cause I hate strangers." "One, two, three." "Thank you." "Any requests?" ""Teen Spirit"!" " "Sliver"!" ""Drain You"!" ""Been A Son"!" " "Serve the Servants"!" "Remember the little black bird on "Davey and Goliath"?" "The little what?" " Black bird on "Davey and Goliath, "" "sing, "Kumbaya"?" "No, I don't remember the little bird." "Remember that really evil episode where he was really mad at this kid, and he had all these visions of how he's going to..." "First I'm going to take him up to a hill and tie him to a tree and tar and feather him!" "It was evil." "That wasn't Christian at all." "# What else should I be?" "# All apologies" "# What else should I say?" "# Everyone is gay" "# What else should I write?" "# I don't have the right" "# What else should I be?" "# All apologies" "# In the sun" "# In the sun I feel as one" "# In the sun" "# Married" "# Buried" "# Married" "# Buried" "# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" "# All in all is all we are" "# All in all is all we are..." "# All in all is all we are..." " I'm a ham ham." "# All in all is all we are." "What do you want?" " I don't know." "Do you want to go play someplace?" "Yeah." " What do you want to do?" "I'm going to play tape recorders." "Frances?" " Christmas Day, 1993, Frances Bean Cobain." "Mmm, I'm thirsty." "Ah!" "Yabba-dabba-doob!" "Ooh, this is nice." "Johnny Rotten, Larry Cohen, Led Zeppelin, and the Beatles, that's you." "Did you say Bob Dylan?" "You don't tell stories the way he does, but, I mean..." "You mean like this?" "Seen it, done it." "I feel kind of happy right now." "Yeah, I do, too." "We're all sensitive to ridicule and shame, but it seemed to me, having gone through his materials, that he was hypersensitive..." "Felt criticism, felt praise, felt things a little more intensely." "Probably." "You know, he was so sensitive that the one time that I thought about cheating on him, he fuckin' must have been psychic or something." "I thought about it." "I didn't do it, but I thought about it." "You never cheated on Kurt?" "No, but I almost did one time, and he knew it, and I don't know how he knew it." "I have no idea how he knew it." "I mean, I didn't..." "Because the plan didn't ever go anywhere." "So, it was just..." "Nothing happened, but I was tired and I..." "I'm not..." "I wasn't as monogamous as he is..." "I'm a big flirt, so I flirt with chairs." "But I never, never cheated on him, but I certainly thought about it one time in London." "And I could have done it." "And the response to it was... he took 67 Rohypnols and ended up in a coma because I thought about cheating on him." "I mean, fuck." "You're kidding." "I didn't even make the phone call to do it." "So why do you think he chose that night to try to take his life?" "Was it because he felt rejected?" "I think he would see it more as, like, severe betrayal than rejection." "You know what I mean?" "# My girl, my girl" "# Don't lie to me" "# Tell me where did you sleep last night?" "# In the pines, in the pines" "# Where the sun don't ever shine" "# I would shiver the whole night through" "# My girl, my girl, where will you go?" "# I'm going where the cold wind blows" "# In the pines, in the pines" "# Where the sun don't ever shine" "# I would shiver the whole night through" "# Her husband was a hardworking man" "# Just about a mile from here" "# His head was found in a driving wheel" "# But his body never was found" "# My girl, my girl" "# Don't lie to me" "# Tell me where did you sleep last night?" "# In the pines, in the pines" "# Where the sun don't ever shine" "# I would shiver the whole night through" "# My girl, my girl" "# Where will you go?" "# I'm going where the cold wind blows" "# In the pines, the pines" "# The sun, shine" "# I'd shiver" "# The whole" "# Night through." "Thank you." "One month after returning from Rome, Kurt Cobain took his own life." "He was 27 years old." "# Ain't it a shame to go fishing on a Sunday?" "# Ain't it a shame?" "# Ain't it a shame to go fishing on a Sunday?" "# Ain't it a shame?" "# Ain't it a shame to go fishing on a Sunday" "# When you got Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday" "# Or Thursday, Friday, Saturday?" "# Ain't it a shame?" "# Ain't it a shame to have a drink on a Sunday?" "# Ain't it a shame?" "# Ain't it a shame to have a drink on a Sunday?" "# Ain't it a shame?" "# Ain't it a shame to have a drink on a Sunday" "# When you got Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday" "# Or Thursday, Friday, Saturday?" "# Ain't it a shame?" "# Shame, shame, shame?" "# Load up on guns, bring your friends" "# It's fun to lose into pretend" "# She's overboard and self-assured" "# Oh, no, a dirty word" "# Hello, hello, hello, hello" "# Hello, hello, hello" "# With the lights out, it's less dangerous" "# Here we are now, entertain us" "# Acting stupid and contagious" "# Here we are now, entertain us" "# A mulatto, an albino" "# A mosquito, my libido" "# Yeah" "# Hey" "# Yay" "# With the lights out, it's less dangerous" "# Here we are now, entertain us" "# Acting stupid and contagious" "# Here we are now, entertain us" "# A mulatto, an albino" "# A mosquito, my libido" "# A denial" "# A denial." "Corrected by: suadnovic"