"Attention!" "Casualties arriving on the pad." "We've got another delivery from the Cowboy." "Hawkeye!" "Hawkeye!" " I'll count to one, then you better be out." " Sir, I hate to wake you." "How would you like me to take out your tonsils... through your ear?" "You're needed in surgery." "That figures." "Ten minutes' sleep a week ought to be enough for anybody." "I'd give anything to be able to see the inside of my eyelids." "Cowboy just got back from another run." " Doesn't he ever sleep?" " He will now." "He's been hit." " Get coffee." " Anything else?" "Yeah." "Two blondes, sunny-side up." "Not the Cowboy again?" "Same guy, different shoulder." "I should put in zippers." " He gonna be all right?" " Unless somebody shoots him in here." "What do you think, Father?" "Should I sign it?" " This the one Cowboy brought in?" " Yeah." "He lost a lot of blood." "Goldstein." "Think he'd mind?" "Funny, he doesn't look it." "Whatever you say, Father." "Oh, I see the mark of the Mad Butcher." " How do they feel?" " They hurt like hell." "I'll just cancel your tango lessons." "I'm serious, Doc." "What do you think of my legs?" "I'm a fanny man myself." "But I'm sure you'll be walking around in two weeks." " Oh, that's great." " Oh, yeah, we do quality work here." "Cowboy, the Indians struck again." "Shoot, I've been hurt worse rolling a cigarette." "When do I get outta here?" "A few days." "Can I get you anything?" "Would you check on the mail?" "I've been expecting a letter." "The Pony Express has been through." "Something wrong?" "Could be." "But it ain't nothing I can fix from here." "Say... is this thing bad enough I can get sent home?" "Even for a little while?" "I'll see what I can do." " Outta the way!" " You're not going anywhere in that." "This jeep is the property of the US Army, Colonel Blake in particular, and is to be used for official duties and nothing else!" "Frank, you're sucking around to become a hit-and-run case." " Move!" " Over my dead body." " Great idea!" " I dare you." " Now listen, Frank!" " Yeah?" "I have just completed three days of surgery without rest!" "And this nurse and I are going out and do some nature studies." "If you don't want to be a hood ornament, you better move!" "What's going on here?" "What is all the gaff?" "This man is about to pilfer your jeep." " Is that right, McIntyre?" " No, sir." "I was not pilfering." "I was stealing." "Haven't I got enough problems without your..." " Sir?" " Not now, Radar." "I assume you have a good reason for wanting the jeep." " He has not." " I'm talking to him!" " Sir?" " No!" "McIntyre?" "Look, Henry... it's my curve ball." "It's hanging." "Won't come in over the plate." "This here's my pitching coach." "She may not look it, but she's already straightened my screwball." "She's got great stuff." " Out!" "Dis-en-jeep." " Hold it!" "You have to find other means of transportation." "I am not running a personal taxi service here." " Knock it off, Burns!" " Sir?" "Police that butt." " Sir, you wanted to sign this?" " I don't want to sign anything!" "You sign it." " Sir, would you sign that I signed?" " I'll sign that." " Comfy?" " Hey, you got a minute, Henry?" "Oh, yeah." "I got a lot of minutes." "And each one is worse than the one before." "Ah-ah-ah." "Don't get up." "Let me just pretend that you're in charge of this nut house." " I got a problem." " Who is she?" "Cowboy's x-ray." "We cleaned shrapnel out of his shoulder." "We should give him a ticket stateside." "It doesn't look all that serious." "Yeah, but I think he's got something at home that is." "Who doesn't?" "I mean, I left a going practice and a wife with a fistful of credit cards." "Excuse me." "Show me there's a heart under that dirty T-shirt." "Not this time, Pierce." "He's gonna be very unhappy." "I don't remember the draft board promising any of us a lot of laughs." "Your final word is "no"?" "Either that or "goodbye"." "It's multiple choice." " What are you doing here?" " Catching up on my sulking." "I thought you had a date." "One this afternoon, one tonight." "Season's first double-header." "So what happened?" "Game called on account of Henry." "He took away my wheels." "Taste that." "He turned me down in letting Cowboy go home." "I think he's going sour on us." "Maybe he needs some relaxation." "This place is eating away his brain." "Which I grant you is only an hors d'oeuvre." "OK, Henry, you may have the honour." " Which way is the course?" " Out there." "Trapper and I laid this out." "This is the first hole." " And you see that flag out there?" " Uh-uh." "At about three o'clock." "Pretty far away, isn't it?" "It's a par 29." "The minefields are out of bounds on the left, and the Chinese Communists on the right." " Why don't you hit first?" " You're the boss." " Nice ball." " Ball's OK, yeah." "Yeah." "Your swing's a little strange, but the ball looked good." "Oh, me." "Terrific!" "Very nice, Henry." "Very good." "What do you think I ought to use from here?" " You ought to use all you got." " Oh, yeah?" "How far is it?" "From this bush, about a half a mile." "Ho-Jon, give me the two wood, please." "This was really a great idea." " That's the only kind to get." " I'm really starting to unwind." "That's great." "I'm glad." " What was that?" " I don't know, but you'll have to take a stroke." " But I can't even find my ball!" " Then that's two strokes." " I don't see anything." " Maybe it was a sniper." " Coming from the camp?" " Maybe a ricochet." "Shall we continue?" "No, no." "I'll concede the hole, and the game." "And maybe the whole day." "Let's not quit." "We're here for your nerves." "We can leave." "I got 'em." "Colonel!" "Colonel..." "What happened?" "Jeep." "Through my tent." "What'd he say?" "Jeep." "Tent." "Through." " A jeep must've rolled through his tent." " He might've been killed!" "Oh, come on, sir." "I'll fix you up." " Come on, sir." " Jeep." "Tent." "Crash." "Kill." " Jeep." "Crash." "Kill." "Yes, sir." " Jeep." " Jeep?" " Tent." " Tent." " Through." "Kill." " Yes." " Jeep." "Crash." " Jeep." "Crash." " Tent." " Tent." " Boom." "OK, Trapper." "Don't think I don't know what you think I don't know." "Would you translate that?" "You're not the first to try to kill his commanding officer." "Steady, Henry." "Your glue is melting." "Just because I wouldn't let you use my jeep..." "Wait a minute." "Trapper may be insane, but he's not crazy." "Oh, yeah?" "Where were you this afternoon, McIntyre?" "Over at the supply tent doing a 100-yard dash with a nurse!" "And what about tonight?" "Where were you when that jeep went through my quarters?" " When the what went through your where?" " He was here." "Oh, yeah?" "And just where is "here"?" ""Here" is where we are." "Oh." "This "here" here?" "Henry." "Henry!" "Are you all right?" " All right, tent smashed." " You can sleep here tonight." "Jeep." "Tent." " Boom!" " Come here and lie down." " Crash." " Wait." "Henry!" " Does he have an enemy?" " Doesn't sound like a friend." " We better keep an eye on him." " Now?" "I don't think he's got a later." "Come on." " Why don't you check the office?" " Right." "I found him." "Boom." "Radar?" " Hello?" " It's me, Colonel." " Who?" " Radar." "Radar, sir." " Where are you?" " Here, sir." "In your outer office." "What... what are you?" "What are you doing out there?" "No offence, sir, but I've got this thing about living." " Did you fill out the fitness reports?" " Yes." "Bring 'em in so I can sign 'em." "Yes, sir." "Goodbye, sir." "Good... goodbye!" " Yeah?" " Will that be all, sir?" "Woodward." " Nurse Baker." " Thank you." " Pierce?" " For me?" "Mulcahy." " Goldstein!" " Here!" "And Sullivan." "Don't worry, it'll get here." "One week, she ain't written." "You're welcome to mine." "It's an invitation to a party last month." "She's probably off with some rodeo rider." "She's a sucker for a ten-gallon hat." "If I could just get home." "Ever see any snakes, Hawkeye?" "Not while I'm sober." "I could shoot the eyes out of a rattler at 50 feet going at a full gallop." "The army has its own kind of snakes, don't it?" "That's far enough." "You ready for dinner?" " Fix those chops for me?" " Stuffed them specially." "Here you go, sir." "Hi, Hen." " Aren't you afraid of sitting with me?" " We figure you're safe in daylight." "That's very encouraging." "Are you sure that food's all right?" " You don't think somebody..." " Let me taste it." " We're worried." " Welcome to the club." "Do you realise, if anything happens to you, Frank takes over?" "Boy, your unselfishness is touching." "The best thing for you to do is clear out for a while." " Walk away from my post?" " No, run away from your post." "Your hanging around here is driving morale into the ground." "There are a few things I could do in Seoul." "Pack up your gear." "I'll get somebody to drive." "Here you are, Henry." "Nothing wrong with it." "Now, you'll find a set of master keys." "See 'em?" "Radar has duplicates in the safe." "Don't worry about a thing." "I'll have this place back into shape in no time." "Who says this place is out of shape?" "Don't drive everybody nuts." "No snap inspections, understand?" " And no parades." " That's not a very military attitude." "Listen, Frank, the only thing GI about me is my athlete's foot." " You just keep this hospital running." " Yes, sir." "Now..." "Over here is the duty roster." "See 'em?" "And in here are your transmitter codes." "See 'em?" "This bottom drawer's filled with personal stuff." "There's no sense in opening that." "It'll just be a few days." "It will be fine." " I'm sure it will." " It's all yours." "Hey, where is Hawkeye?" "I feel like a sitting duck out there." "He's trying to get you a driver." "Not too many kamikaze types around here." "Word's out you're taking off, Colonel." "Just a few days down to Seoul." "That jeep will take you half a day." "I could fly you there." " You strong enough to fly?" " I thought we'd do it by chopper." " Hey, that's great." "Great!" " Let's go." "Would you believe me if I said I was gonna miss you?" "No." "Smart fella." "Thanks for your help." "Have fun, Henry." "I smelled the gunpowder." "It's pretty hard not to." "Then I found the wiring and the alarm clock bits." " Cowboy's in the booby-trap business." " We better find him." "And Henry." "I know where they are." " You comfy, Colonel?" " Most comfortable I've been in days." "Good." "Real good." "You just sit back and relax." "Say, shouldn't I have a parachute, too?" "You don't need one, sir." "It'll only break your fall." " That's not funny." " Neither was you not letting me go home." " Hawkeye!" " Not now." " It's cooking." " Start sending." " Sir!" " Would you get lost?" "You told me to keep an eye open for this." "It's a letter for the Cowboy." " If you were any taller, I'd kiss your lips." " Purple Rider." "Come in, Purple Rider." "Can you read me?" "You're gonna get us both killed, Cowboy!" "This is crazy!" "Purple Rider, over." "Come on!" "I know you can hear me!" " We can hear you." "Talk to them!" " I will, as soon as you're gone!" "Cowboy, you've gotten a letter from home." "Nice try, Trapper!" "We're not jiving you, Cowboy." "And what's the name on the letter?" "Mrs Jean Hodges." "Jean - isn't that your wife's name?" "Jean?" "Right." "What's the address?" "Box 743." "Reno." " Goodbye, Henry." " I can't hear you." "It might say Reno, but we really can't tell." "Reno!" "That's where I live!" "What a lovely town!" "How is Colonel Blake?" "Henry, are you all right?" " I'm in real trouble." " Come on!" "Open it up!" "Let's hear it!" ""Dear..." "John."" "Go on, that's my real name." ""Dear John" from Reno." ""Sometimes when you're away from someone you thought you loved... you find yourself tested by being tempted."" ""That's what has happened to me, dear, dear John."" "Oh, wow!" "A double "Dear John" job." ""I was tempted, and I didn't want to write until I knew whether I'd pass the test."" ""If I say I love you more than ever, will it tell you how I did?"" ""And that I'm completely worthy of the most wonderful guy in the world."" "Cowboy?" "Let's go home, Cowboy." "Let's go home." " Hi, guys." " Hi, Henry." "Just in time for the cocktail hour." "Good, good." "From the Cowboy." "Base hospital in Lakeland." "It was a classic combination of combat fatigue and worry." "His wife's joined him." "He's going home for a month's leave." "I do like a happy ending." "Tell us the truth." "Were you scared up there with the Cowboy?" "Me?" "Are you kidding?" "I know how to take care of myself." "Just asking, Henry." "Just asking."