"Permit me to present the new graduates from the Medical School of Prague, now doctors of medicine:" "Jan Antos, born in Kolin." "Vaclav Pastyrik, born in Kyjov." "Thombo Numira Cassa, born in Bujumbura." "Stepan Safranek, born in Hradiste." "Spondeo acpoliceor." "Spondeo acpoliceor." "Spondeo acpoliceor." "Spondeo acpoliceor." "Spondeo acpoliceor." "There." "From now on my neighbours, teachers and girlfriends are my former neighbours, teachers and girlfriends." "Overnight they have changed into patients." "Life has made me taste it contrary-wise more often than not." "HOW POETS ENJOY LIFE" "Do not ponder over why people die." "A doctor philosophising - that's hopeless." "A philosopher doctoring - catastrophe." "Story by, Screenplay, Script Editor:" "Starring:" "Otorhinolaryngology is a complex field." "The patient has a sore throat, we look in his ear and remove the polypus from his nose." "As usual." "All want to be surgeons." "These "surgeons" will sew an eye onto a buttock and expect it to wink." "Look intelligent during delivery." "Your face is the first thing the baby sees." "When a patient complains of tears when reading the paper spectacles will not always solve the problem." "Director of Photography:" "Directed by:" "Good morning, Mrs Zelena." " Hello, Steve." "Holy Mary have mercy on us!" "Don't ever act superior!" "And never act inferior!" " Mother dear, do I rob the rich to give to the poor?" "Don't be impertinent!" " But ..." " Do as your betters tell you." " Well." "Run along or you'll be late!" " Thanks." " Step out with your right foot!" "Mrs Matrasova, sedimentation!" " Mr Hubeny, your sample!" "Where is Mr. Hubeny?" " Mrs. Sedlackova!" " I hope you haven't eaten?" "Pee into the jug with your name on it!" "Now we've got to start again." "What are you doing here?" "New cases have to wait for a bed" " No." "to be made up." " I am ..." "I'm Doctor Safranek." "Well, it could have been worse." "Sorry." "Kindly knock!" "Are you new?" " Yes." "Safranek." "You do look new and unused." " Well." " May your enthusiasm not be dampened by your first pay-check." "Was that your wife?" " What?" "No!" "That's Bobby, from Laryngology." "Born when blood groups were discovered." "But - is a voluntary donor!" " How many of us are there?" " Our chief - "Kitten"." "Elsewhere you lick your boss's ass, here another organ is the tool for your career." "Good morning, Mrs Kilianova." "Colleague Doctor Tupa ..." " I know her from Medical School." " A woman without imagination, degree or no degree." "Good morning, Mrs Kilianova." "There's me, half-way intelligent, age 37 height 179 weight 97." "With two Socialist Pledges My motto:" "When I can't, I don't." "Good morning, Mrs Kilianova." "Good morning." "And now there's you." "No first-class clinic but we love each other." "Good evening, Doctor." "Your first operation go well?" " I do not operate, Mrs Zelena." " You don't?" "He doesn't even operate!" "After all those years at school..." "How did it go, dear?" " Okay." " Okay, yes?" "What's for supper?" " Did you operate yet?" " You're as bad as Mrs Zelena." "I don't operate," "I'm an internist!" " Mrs Zelena is an old lady!" "And all mixed up with these TV serials." "Well then, at the department of internal medicine..." "So you'll be treating hearts, won't you?" " Yes, Mum." "And haemorrhoids." "Just a second!" " It is seven o'clock." "Number 6, blood samples!" "So what is the matter with Mrs. Malkova?" " Where is our paedophilia off to?" " These surgeons and their plaster." "Look how it crumbles!" "Mr Eisenmenger, chronic hepatitis, liver tests normalized." " How much?" "Bilirubin 16, Thymol 5.2, AST 0.22," "ALT 0.15" " Show me the results!" "Next!" " Mr Valerian, right foot amputation, diabetic gangrene." "Glycemia, brought here from Surgery." "Stump healing, 180 g carbohydrates per day ..." " Enough!" "Enlarged diabetic ear-glands, called ..." " The Charvat symptom." " The Charvat symptom." "Doctor, where is my leg?" " It had to be amputated." " So I notice!" "But where is it now?" " Why do you want to know?" " The guys at the pub'll ask me:" ""Where's your leg?"." "So what do I tell them?" " Call yourself lucky!" " If I came home minus a leg, nobody'd notice!" "Dr Safranek knows everything, he'll find out." "A practical example of Health Service differentiation." " Any questions?" " Me." " Well?" "How's your reception?" "Reception normal, R.C. 4.1" "Were you in the army?" " Yes." " That is strange." "You haven't learnt to shut up." "NO PARKING BODIES" "This is Esther, curtsy." "Paul." "And Hugo." "Stand up straight!" "And my wife." " Good morning." " I want to thank you from the heart." "You really are a great guy!" " But I ..." " No, don't say anything." "I can tell." " I only did my duty." " Duty?" "Yes, but there's duty and duty." " Well, that ..." " Come here!" "Let's out with it." "I always pay my debts." " But ..." " It'll be my pleasure ..." " Oh no!" " ... to recompense you." "Good afternoon, Doctor." "I'd like to make you a gift of some first-class Jewish jokes!" "It's Steve!" " Hello, kid!" " So you've started working?" "I'm sure glad to see you." "Stop, kids!" "In hospital?" " Listen, I have such twinges here, would you look at it?" " Okay." "Get undressed." " Here?" "Wouldn't that be weird?" " You asked me here, so I'll examine you here." " You're as impossible as ever!" "Doctor, your Mum has a gall-bladder pain." " Did anyone come to see her?" " Only me." " In that case no wonder." "Do slow down now I've got a job." " It's the dancing-class season." " You work 10 hrs a day." "In Socialism." " Dressmakers always work hard." " I hear you had gall-bladder pains." " So what?" "I've got a doctor in the house!" "Well..." " I'm sorry!" " Got nothing better to do?" "Are you updated?" "Mr Hrach must have a lung exudate." "Your new patient complains of the food." " Well." "What did you tell her?" " That we don't serve steak." " In medicine there are situations when even a steak is a form of treatment." " I see." "So it all depends on the cook." "It's a pleasure sewing for such a figure!" "Your fiancé doesn't know what a gem you are." "Or does he?" "So good bye." "You can rely on me." "The dress will be great!" "That's ahead for you too." "See that she knows what you like." "Well, what are you up to?" "Girls can't even cook soup these days!" "What do you take for your heart, Mrs Hubacek?" " Such small white pills, Doctor." "But they give me a head-ache." " Well." "We'll be keeping you here." " We don't have a bed, Doctors." " The room for two has one bed free." " But the Chief said that room ..." " Have you got colour TV at home?" " No." "Why?" " Well, you'll have it here." "Good evening." " Excuse me, wee need to talk to a specialist." " Well, certainly." "We are all specialists here." " Doctor, please, I ..." " Mrs Hubacek is your patient." "We would like to know how she is." "Information is given to family only, and by day." " The young lady is her daughter." "And I am Hajek, the young lady's fiancé." " So you are the patient's potential son-in-law." "And she your forthcoming mother-in-law." " Exactly right." " Come tomorrow morning." "Don't worry, it isn't serious." "You Mum's asleep and the results aren't in yet." "How much to make him more willing?" "Half a million!" "Good morning, Mrs Kilianova!" " Good morning, Mrs. Kilianova." "Good morning." " Good morning." "Dammit!" "Strolling around like white ravens!" "I'm packing this in!" "I'd earn twice as much at the railway station with half the germs around!" "Yes, there is an exudate." " It can be discerned audibly too." " How will you handle the case?" " First we must think of possible metastasis." " No." " We prescribe antibiotics." "And another course would be?" " A chest puncture?" " A good doctor chooses the simplest solution." "So?" " I do not know." " We transfer the patient to the Pulmonary Department." "Have you found out where my leg is?" "I'm sorry, I forgot." "Couldn't you make up some story, you idiot?" "Like - legs are buried separately!" " He'd have wanted to be at the burial!" "She gets on my nerves." " Don't worry about this." " How nice you've made this place." "I'm watching TV and having a lovely rest." "Everybody is so kind here." " Mrs Hubacek was hospitalised ..." "Why did you put her into this room?" " There was no room elsewhere." " We put up extra beds." " I was sorry for her." " Sorry sounds good at court, not in medicine." " Did you take anything from that woman?" " No." "What was I to have taken?" " So she's no acquaintance?" " No." " Whose friend is she, then?" " I don't know." "Nobody's." " You innocent!" "Everyone is somebody's friend!" "What happened between you and the Chief, you're nervous like a virgin!" " Nothing, we're in love." " She'll soon get rid of you this way, you'll end up as a GP." " As GP?" "She can't just throw me out!" " No she can't." "But she can recommend you as the best." "Pin these to your chests, sign here and there's no need to push." "Hi, you quack!" "Artists from Prague are here!" " How come?" "Yes, we artists from Prague." "We're picking girls for bit parts." "That one's good, huh?" " Well." " Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!" "That wasn't bad, girls, but ..." " Remember Pergl?" "When we did our school play?" "I'm his assistant director now." " ... be our teacher, please." "Be so kind." " How come you're shooting in our town?" " My idea." "A pretty town, near Prague." "We have to watch the pennies." " Teacher!" "Teacher!" "Stronzo!" "Have you never seen a teacher?" "And this is no stronzo!" "Stronzo means frozen stiff." "I see the teacher, and freeze!" " This is ART, I see." " No, a 13-part serial about youngsters." " 13 parts?" "They'll grow old on you!" "The more parts the better." "It's through these serials" "I know how I'm living." "Dr Zemla in Bezdikov had a coronary." " I know, he's in Intensive Care." " You will stand in for a time." " For what sort of time?" " For as long as necessary." " But I want to work in Internal Medicine." " And I'd like to be" "Minister of Health." " Couldn't you stick someone else there?" " Stick ... what do you mean?" "No reason for pessimism." "Lots of luck in the front line!" "Good morning, Mrs Kilianova." "There's always somebody who's irreplaceable." "Hi, Safranek!" " Good morning." "Still saving lives?" "Yes, but why did they tell us as medics that medicine is a happy science about sad things." " That always happens in practice." "Science fizzles out and the sadness remains." "I'm sent to Bezdikov as GP." " Nice place, I have a cottage there." "Look, you've improved your cadre-profile." "You'll now be a labouring doctor." " Yeah." "I studied 6 years for that." " Whatever you study you finally realize human life is but a compromise." "Have you done something?" " Yes." "I was the best." " Don't be sad, Stevie!" "There are people everywhere." " Why then must I go to such a hole!" "WELCOME TO BEZDIKOV" "Good morning." "Good morning." " Hello!" "Can't you read?" "!" "Oh, are you the Doctor?" "Come on in, then." "Yes, you must, Charlie!" "Excuse me, but ..." "... I adore Gott!" "I'm Tonie." "How young and thin you are..." "If at least you wore glasses ..." "How about growing a beard?" " No." " Never mind..." "They'll get used to you." "Should you need anything ..." "... just tell me!" "I know them all." " Well." " Who's odd and drinks, who's odd and doesn't, whose child is whose, who's related." "Actually, they're all related." "You say one guy's a fool and cop it from the second because the third is his brother-in-law..." "I've been 25 years with Dr Zemla." "He just stood there and said:" ""Tonie, go and get the driver, I've got a coronary."" "They did an ECG at hospital and guess what?" " Well, I ..." " It was it!" "Last year Podlesak came on his bike, saying he had a pain here." "The Doctor said: "Lie down and wait for the ambulance!"" "Before we knew it he'd got back on his bike and pedalled to hospital himself, said he was busy with the haymaking, couldn't wait." "They did an ECG and guess what." "It was it!" "My, the things you'll live to see here..." "Not like hospital at all." "All you've got here is your head and hands and when your head's thick and your hands tired, all that's left is experience." "One day Rychnovsky came in, harvest-time it was too." "Pressing his hand against his heart like that actor fella on TV he breathes: "Get a car, hurry!" "I'm dying!"" "We got him there, made an ECG and guess what?" " It was it." " No it wasn't!" "So how does one know." "What's wrong with you?" " I need a certificate that I can build." " What?" " A house." "A cottage for my daughter." "Only two floors." "With den and garage below." " You must know if you can manage." "Yes, of course I can, but ..." "I need an interest-free loan." " So you need the certificate to get the loan." " Yes, that I won't die before I pay up." " Right." "But what   if a bus knocks you down tomorrow?" " Write today's date and you're in the clear." "I've built one house already, and this is what Zemla wrote out for me:" "The above-named is healthy." "This certificate is made out at his request for the application for and interest-free loan." "Now just sign it and that's that!" " Nurse!" "Is Mr Lorenc fit?" " Oh sure, he'll come again in two years' time, he's got two more daughters!" "I need a certificate that I can play tennis." "Write down that I'm pregnant or have a gastric ulcer, then I get my teeth done more cheaply." "... that I can run the Dukla race." "... that I can paint floors." "... that I can work as club leader." "A certificate, please, for cheaper current for my storage heater." " Take a seat, Mrs Hnikova." " Thank you." "Don't you want your blood-pressure taken?" " No thank you." "Whilst my old man didn't know about blood-pressure he was perfectly healthy!" "You don't need me there at all." "An experienced typist can do the job." "You could have stuck just anyone there." " Why so sceptical, dear colleague?" "He needs to relax." " But I ..." " Do you play tennis?" " What?" " Pity." "We all play tennis." " Well, I ..." " Do you like hunting?" "Do you go hunting?" " No." " See." "We all go hunting." " I meant ..." " You must pull yourself together and you'll be all right." " Mr. Headmaster, ..." " Chin up!" "NO ENTRY" "Finished." " We're never finished." "Afternoon house-calls." "And move it, you're like our Doctor." "Talks and talks and we'd need 25 hours to the day." "This is Pisarik." "He's always running off the road." " Ouch!" "Ouch!" "Well that ..." " But he's got a heart of gold." " This isn't an ambulance!" "It's a hearse!" "That road, all shit!" "Everything's pure shit!" "He drove into a ditch when the Doctor told him the one about the gun-shot wedding between two gays." "Stadler pulled him out with his cows." "A Fritz was passing in a Mercedes and snapped it, they printed it in the "Spiegel" titled:" ""First Aid in Czechoslovakia"." "With tourists around you've got to be careful." "You represent your country without realizing." "Thank you so much, Doctor." "Here are five eggs for you." " But grandmother," "I can't take them." " You can't?" " No." " Why?" "From my own chickens." " So as not to offend your chickens, then." "DO NOT TALK TO DRIVER!" "AND DO NOT OFFEND HIM WITH BRIBES!" "You should have your own car." "Some days I can't come till late." "To warm you up, Doctor." "C'mon, Doctor, come on!" "I've finished for the day." "You should have a car." "Your patients'll feel better just when they hear it." "For a cosy trip back." " And for the other leg, Doctor." " And for the ..." " Third leg!" " Yeah." " To your pretty wife's health!" "Methinks you're beginning to like it here!" "Bribes, Doctor, bribes?" "!" "Mother!" " You've been drinking!" " All doctors ever do is drink, smoke and screw the nurses!" " Shame on you!" " No way!" "I would ..." "But..." " May I have the pleasure?" "I need some pills." " Everyone wants pills." " For the director." "We start shooting tomorrow." " What pills?" " So he doesn't have a head-ache, isn't nervous, can sleep, can do without sleep, can eat anything ..." "Dammit, don't sleep!" " Always on duty." "As the Major said:" "The Doctor'll stand here with his bag in case something happens." "Where's my bag?" "You need your own car." "Nothing expensive, just so that it runs." "I've got to save gas, too." "I don't have to be here at all, see?" "I'll take a factory job, be off at three." "How much d'you think I make here?" "Just guess!" "Well?" "Yes?" "Wow!" "To ..." "Now we're in the shit, ambulance included." "I've had enough." "I'll find a factory job!" "I'll finish at three." "I'm nobody's joker!" "Nobody's!" "I will become factory worker!" "I ..." "I will end at three every day." "I will not play a fool for anyone!" "Not that!" "Not that!" "TOURS ON SATURDAY AND SUNDAYS ONLY." "FROM 10.00 a.m. to 5.00 p.m. BEZDIKOV MUNICIPAL COUNCIL" "Stevie ..." " Lie still!" "Don't say word!" "Show me your tum!" " Since when do mothers show their sons their tums?" "Breathe in!" " Ouch!" " That gall-bladder has to go." " It's staying where it is." "Stay with me, I'll be better." " I'll give you a shot." " A shot?" "Where?" "Your bottom." " I hate to ask, Stevie," "but shouldn't I call in a normal doctor?" "This man Milerad lived in Hurky." "Inherited a house there." "Moved in with a tomcat." "As he kneeled scrubbing the parquet floor, moving forwards and backwards, his balls slipped out of his shorts and swung back and forth." "That cat watched for a bit - and then - you guess." "Clawed at 'em." "The man jumped" " God, it must have hurt." "He banged his head against the radiator and knocked himself senseless." "Sounds like a bedtime story from you." "The words is unconscious." "Okay, unconscious then." "When the doct arrived he'd come to, but had concussion." "As they carried him down on a stretcher" "Pisarik asked him how it had happened." "Milerad told them, they burst out laughing, dropped him on the stairs and he broke his collar-bone!" "So many accidents 40 years after the war!" "It couldn't happen to you." " Of course not!" "I haven't got a parquet floor." "Please, those people over there ..." " Don't interrupt when I'm talking to actors." " Well, sorry, director." "Sorry." " First the playback, then Roman starts reciting the verse." "Please concentrate." " Verse?" " Poetry is "in" now." "Take your places!" "Silence!" "We're ready." " Playback, camera!" "We from 4 B, 27 first time." "What are you wishing?" "Stop!" "Those hands a bit lower, Roman." "Well, this is better." "How about facing each other?" "Yes, that's it!" "Playback!" "Camera!" " We from 4 B, 27 second time." "What are you wishing?" " I wish I could be ..." " Stop!" " Those hands..." "Roman, higher!" "This is a serial for youngsters." "I don't want any problems." " Let's go, okay?" "Playback!" "Camera!" " We from 4 B, 27 third time." " What are you wishing?" " I wish I were a Caola bear ..." " Coala, the bear's called Coala." "Caola is a brand of cocoa!" "We will not manage by five, director." " What shall I do?" " Hello." " Hello." "Are you here for first aid?" " Last, more like it." "Delete the bear!" "Quiet!" "Start with the poem." " You can't sit here." "Playback!" "Camera!" " We from 4 B, 27 fourth time." "When I wake at night, be my dream, be my muse." "Be my Earth, be my Heaven." "Be my butter, be my bread be my herbs and spices." "Be my faithful Friday with mustard." " What sort of shit is that?" "Friday?" " I thought faithful Man Friday serving mustard." " But it is so easy indeed." "This is all about yummy things!" "Hamburger with mustard!" " In the script ... it says Friday." " That's the scene for Friday." "Some cow types it out wrong and you turn it into art...!" " See?" "You were into poetry too." " Your art sure opened my eyes." " Correct." "Stop gabbing, let's going." " Don't you like the poem?" " I'd never compare a girl to a Hamburger." " I think it's witty." "The poet equating love to good things to eat." " Well." " Doctor..." " I'm sure you're right." "But I could write a better poem for you." "Remember what you made me promise?" "!" "Next time you recite poetry to a girl to knock your teeth in!" " We from 4 B, 25 fifth time." "When I wake at night, be my dream, be my muse." " And what is this?" "!" " Time to knock off." "Didn't you do medicine too?" " But I always felt nothing would happen if I dropped out." " And?" " Nothing happened." "So what is it you want?" " Something nice and dependable but inexpensive." " Yeah." "You need a costly car, cheap." "I like this one!" " That's mine." "I paid 120 thousand for it." "You can have it for 110." " What?" "No thanks ..." "... I don't like the colour." "How about this one?" "The seats drop down for sleeping." "How much?" " Seven." "I don't know." "A big cheaper ...?" " Wait." "I'll try and fix it with the owner." "No!" "Take it back!" "I can't sell it for 7." "What?" "Look, be sensible." "I've got to keep in business." "You've got to pay alimony." "I'll take it for three, for spare-parts." "I'll sell it today." "What won't I do for a pal." "Give me 5 and buzz off." " But ..." "What about that hole?" "I'll be going on calls in it!" "I know, won't the gals go wild." "... on the plane from Geneva, the International Health Organization delegation ..." " Isn't that the black boy who came to see us?" " What?" "!" " ... for a seminar in Prague on no-traditional sources of protein." " Mirecek!" " We asked" "Dr Numira Cassa Thomba for an interview." "I am sorry, I disturb you, ..." " Oh, certainly not." "You can disturb me in Czech." "I studied here and as they say:" "Perpetrators return to the site of they crime." "What have non traditional sources of protein to do with us?" "We have no protein problems!" " Protein problems are everywhere!" "Too little or too much!" "I was in Paris, New York ..." " And I'm a GP in Bezdikov." "In it." "In a word, you are in it, boy." "In a big trouble." "You will line up here." "You will see!" "Rebellious horses will be cut short." "Keep pace!" "Conform!" "Hey!" "And you will be okay." "Sometimes hey sometimes ouch." "I know that." "Do not try to persuade yourself that you are in it alone!" "FOREIGN RELATIONS" "Excuse me, I'm Dr Safranek." "Wendy!" " I adore you, Stevie!" "You are my secret love." "When I'm at the Ministry, remember you'll have push!" " What are you doing here?" " Did you think?" "I'd do night-duty in some hole?" "Looking for a job in Prague?" " I'm looking for Mirecek." " Doctor, can the Deputy Minister have the program back." "Right away, Doctor." "You do paper-work?" " Better than Bezdikov, anyway!" " How d'you know I'm in Bezdikov?" " At the Ministry we know everything." " Mirecek   is at the seminar, this afternoon the hunt at Konopiste, tonight the opera, tomorrow the penicillin factory with excursion and dinner to follow." "I'd like to see him too..." " Wait!" "What's he doing this afternoon?" " Hunting." " Do you like hunting?" " God, why?" " Because we ... we all go hunting." "Hi!" "What's the problem?" " Mirecek is here." "Mirecek?" "Ah, Mirecek!" "We thought you'd like to see him." " Impossible." "First the rounds, then a consulation at Surgery and a medical seminar in the afternoon." "Give him by best." "He's in from Geneva." " Geneva?" "A short lunch, maybe." "Where's he invited us?" " To Konopiste Castle." " Hurry, we'll wait in the car." " Let's take this one." "I'll be right out." "Here!" "That's what I call a career..." "And we both have a red diploma." " As you see colour alone is not decisive." "CZECHOSLOVAK TELEVISION" "Television Newsreel." "Hush!" "Wendy!" "Wendy!" " Mirecek!" "Hi, you guy!" " Hush!" " Kendy!" " Come on!" " Come on!" " What's up?" "Hurry up!" "I've got a seminar on." " I have nothing but seminars." " Where to?" "The Intercontinental, the Panorama?" " Keep cool!" "Where did you buy such a great band?" " Those are my patients, colleague." " What are we drinking?" " Well, what are we drinking?" " Sauvignon, year '75." " Well, do you see?" "In '75 we hadn't even met." "You didn't have to open the Sauvignon!" " They're my pals," " Let us have a dance!" " Annie." " You have a lot of pals lately!" "There'll be a post free at our intern department." "I could talk to my chief." " How much would I have ..." "... to give your Chief?" "I'd have to sell my car." " No hurry." "And I'll be getting you in, no he." "That's it, gentlemen!" "Go home!" "It's late." " Sil vous plait madame, voulez vous danger aveo moi?" " What?" " Will you dance with me, Madame?" "Moravian folk!" "Wendy!" "Merci, merci. ..." "When we studied, in Prague, Venos said his was a fertile region." "I never knew what fertile meant." "Now I know!" "It means milk and blood." "C'mon, guys ..." "C'mon, guys." "Well, stay like this and I will make a shot." " Come along!" " Well...!" " Wait!" " Let us go, boys!" " Stevie!" " Let us go!" " You didn't have to give him my national costume!" " You wanna spend a holiday abroad!" "It'll come in useful when we visit him." "Boys!" " In Africa?" " Since when is Geneva in Africa?" "Mirecek!" " Yes?" " Got any dollars?" " Well?" " Dollars?" " Well!" " I got no dollars, guys." "I'm a delegation." "Wendy!" "She talks too much!" "For the last time, boys!" " What's your hurry, you fools?" "Surely life must be more than just work." "What's happened to us?" "What..." "We all want our piece of cake." " Everyone's only interested in cake." "We were better when we had nothing." " We only live once." " Exactly!" "Where's your mission in life?" "Fellini, Vertov?" "Call this art?" "!" "We from 4 B, second take!" " How about your mission?" "A hundred people wanted you." "Some I threw out, for good, the others'll be coming today." "And there's the mail." "The inspector wants to know why you wrote so many down sick last month." "The Pharmaco-therapy commission complains you exceeded the limit by 5312," "How many health lectures ..." "The Deputy for Preventive Therapy insists examinations be kept to the national average - 17% ." " Why?" " If we do less they think we're idling." "If more they think we make up the figures." " So next time we make up the average." " You'll soon be the perfect GP." "The director wants a report on Red Cross work." "General Medicine insist we fill in their forms in colour:" "Preventive therapy in red, hygiene in green, other activities in blue, paperwork in black." "Reports are considered imperative." "With exclamation-mark." " Great." "I'll go ga-ga, we'll buy coloured crayons, and nobody'll know." " You made an error in adding up your work-hours." "Here's a list of medications not available." "Hygiene wants our requirements for flu and tetanus vaccines." "Put an idiot into office, he'll send out forms." "Call in the suffering!" "Last year we went to Prague to see a show, one of the Women's Union women felt sick." "I gave her a polythene bag." "And I threw the bag into the river." "Then she screamed at me that her teeth were in that bag too!" " How useful!" "Now I can't hear." "I'd love to be a GP!" "No problems, all superiors far away..." "Far away!" "Good afternoon, sir!" "Yes..." "I'm glad you came." " Well..." " This paperwork doesn't suit me!" " We'll talk some other time." "We are inspecting notice-boards today." "And we have ascertained that you lag behind in agitation-work." " There's nothing up!" "Health education is imperative!" " And reminders of various anniversaries." " The notice-board competition is decisive, a tradition of many years' standing." " But we spoke of other things." "Tennis and hunting." "So I'm saving for a racket and shotgun!" "Unheard-of impertinence!" " Well, I have seen a lot, but..." " He's young ..." "So the busload of women went to the theatre and fool that I am, I had to go in search of that bag with her sick and her teeth." "A cultural experience, that." "... the well-known gourmet Count Savarin said:" "Tell me what you eat, I'll tell you what you are." "We thank you for your lecture on obesity." "His next lecture will be to firemen about alcoholism." "Now for a little music." "The music-school with their teacher, Alena Hubacek." "Whatcher so hooked on?" "Music or teacher?" " Hush!" " I hear playing the flute makes for pretty breasts." " One doesn't blow with the breasts." "Well, you're the doctor!" "What would you have to play, then?" "Good morning." " Good morning." "Good morning!" " I'm supposed to have an inoculation." " Yes!" "Take your things off." "Is it going to hurt?" " Hurt?" "Let's hope I aim right!" "Your bottom's like a cherry." "I bet you're on a diet." "people stuff themselves so." "Zima and Stasek argue which mushroom is more poisonous." "Whether red or green toadstool." "Both of them absolute fools." "Zima cooked one sort, Stasek the other." "And they went to wash it down with beer." "As our doctor says:" """Who's not blessed with common sense" "is just plain stooped.""" "It's you?" "Are you looking for anyone?" "You." " I've had my inoculation." " I've come for the inspection." " Meaning to examine me or the chateau?" " It's Sunday, so it must be   the chateau." "Can I have a guide?" " Guides only for groups of ten." "I'll buy nine more tickets, then." "In 1771, Emperor Joseph II made a tour of Bohemia and Moravia." "He visited Count Matthias here in Bezdikov." "Enchanted by the landscape, he stopped for the night." " Lovely and warm!" " Within one single day the carpenters made this magnificent bed for him." "The Emperor was also enchanted by Countess Laura, but legend has her so faithful a wife that the sovereign spent the night elsewhere." "The walls are hung with portraits, landscapes, allegories full of delicate sensual ... beauty." "Sensual, Doctor, not sexual." "Touching the exhibits is forbidden." "The chateau is now open for the public, as is also the park." "You won't need a guide there." "Goodbye." " Goodbye." "Oh!" "Sorry." "Good bye." "Good day to you, Maestro." " Hello, young man." "You're painting the chateau." " I paint only the chateau." "Some writers keep writing the same thing," "I keep painting the same thing." " Yes." "But ... what about that snow?" "Look here, I'm retired," "I can paint what I like." " Well." " Good morning, Mrs. Hubackova." " Good afternoon!" "Ah, Doctor, how nice to see you here!" "Has Alena taken you round?" "She is so kind to stand in for me." "So many stairs ... my poor heart." "You see, Mr ..." "Mr ..." " Mr Safranek." " I only paint when ..." " He is a Doctor, Dad!" " A Doctor?" " Well." "But he's Safranek too, right?" " Well." " Mr Safranek, I paint when I'm depressed." "It really helps." " I could prescribe something for you ..." " Don't you like my paintings?" " I do!" "They're so ..." " So you see." " ... such ..." " So why rid me of my depressions?" " Our Dad's a bit crazy." "I'm waiting for him to cut off his ear..." "Did you make this excellent soup or your daughter?" " Alenka did, when a girl hasn't got a dowry at least she must be able to cook!" " I was never after a dowry." " Surely you'll give her a feather-bed!" " Pardon?" " Won't you even give her a feather-bed?" "Well, why a feather-bed..." "These days they want a house or car." "But our Alena isn't a spoilt child." " Oh, mother..." "I've compiled a graph." "I leave nothing to chance." "If prices rise at this rate we shall buy our first car in ..." "Just a moment, please!" "... 5 and three-quarter years." "First the wedding!" "Followed by all the social certainties." "The first holiday in Yugoslavia, then the first child." "Then the above-mentioned car." "Here I was appointed deputy headmaster!" "The second holiday in Yugoslavia, the second child." "In between a holiday-cottage, colour TV and so on, for ten years ahead." " How progressive." "Instead of a five-year-plan yours is for ten years." " At a salary of 2223 crowns before tax, there is no alternative." "What prospects will you offer your future wife,   Doctor?" " I didn't know one had to offer anything." "Play something for the Doctor, dear!" " Oh, Mummy..." "Shall I recite a poem too?" "I can't stand it any longer!" "The drops didn't work at all today." " Let's see." "It looks like a hydrops!" "That means hospital!" "Tomorrow an operation!" "Your dressing-gown, a towel ..." " My savings-book." "There's 5000,- on it." "So much - what for?" "A hundred's enough." "You'll be on a diet." "I heard they take 5000,-   for a gall-bladder!" " Are you serious?" " Well." "If that's what you saved up for, you'll have a little nest-egg now." "Mummy..." " Stevie..." "Stevie..." " Where's your sense of responsibility?" "Never treat your own family!" " I'll look like a fool now!" " That you would anyway." "Bye, lover-boy." " Hi." "You haven't pegged out yet?" " Looking at me you'd never guess..." " What on earth do women see in you...?" " A question I ask myself every day." "Yes." "Although our serial is about young people, it will be a family programme." " Meaning?" " That everyone can watch." "On approaching this task, the author, script-editor and I asked ourselves the same question:" "What are our young people like?" "" "Good or bad?" "How little do we know them!" "On the one hand they work and study hard." "On the other there's drugs and loafing about." "Start!" " How do you handle this variance?" " We do not "solve" it in any way." "Our artistic means must outline the area." " Quite a task, I'm sure." "One more question." "Let's go!" "Mind out!" "Hi, Doctor." " Got an architect around?" " Architect?" "Boris!" " Yes." " What d'you need an architect for?" "Decorating your flat?" " No!" "A notice-board." " A problem?" "Nothing is a problem!" " What?" " Well." " Been drinking?" "We from 4 B, 1033, thirteenth time." " Now!" " Hi." "Going to school?" " Sure." " That is boring." " And we'd better not be late." " Stop!" "Hey!" "Don't they go to school?" " Why?" "Isn't that clear?" " Why do they ask then, if they're obviously on their way?" " Don't be such a trifler!" "It's got 13 parts, they have to say something." "Ring up my customers, tell them as soon as I'm better ..." " When you're better you're going to rest." "I'll see to it." " Well ..." "Forget about work, think pleasant thoughts!" "Good morning." "I'm Jiraskova, Doctor." "I have some brocade here." "A blouse, Doctor." "Vostrcilova." " You measurements?" " 160, 160." " Correct." "Good evening." " Good evening." "So this is yours..." "I've got an idea." "How about leaving it unfinished for the time being?" " I ... don't know." " Are you in hurry?" " Yes." " A big hurry?" " Not as big a hurry as that." " I'm glad." "Do sit down!" "Here." "What can I offer you?" " You don't play any instrument, how about a little verse for the lady?" " Why?" "Verse for a lady that's not my style." " Well" " I am a lady from a chateau." "Because you are a lady from a chateau?" "Because you are a lady from a chateau" "your fragrance delicious like a gateau." "Before you become a married lady" "I'd love to do something great for you," "my little Whistle." "A crime it is, that's a fact and I've caught you in the act!" "Sorry, the door was open." "And promises must be kept." " No, I'm serious this time." "It's an exception!" " You are always serious!" "Take it like a man." "Exceptions don't exist." "Here!" "Here!" "Here!" "Here!" "Come here!" "Here!" "I'm all right, these women..." "That's progress for you..." "People got to their cottage to be ill." "How long have you had the pain?" " About two hours." " It doesn't hurt any more?" " Less." "We're going to hospital, Professor." " What?" "I told you no to smoke because of your heart." " Missiles to the left, missiles to the right and she warns me about smoking..." "Drive carefully!" " Easily said...!" "What's up, Safranek?" " I'll give you a shot of Atropine." " What if something goes wrong?" " Life is a compromise, Professor." "What was that?" " The level-crossing in Kostelec." "Now you'll live through anything." "Next time you design a notice-board, we'll advise you." " It's a nice thought but the means are unusual." " But we give you 2 points for the competition." "2 points." "Won't my Mummy be pleased..." "I am stretching my arms." "Waiting for you to come." "You can be sure," "FRUITS AND VEGETABLES" " GREAT MEDICINE AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY that I am still loving you." "Hey boss, how about a beer?" "HEALTHY EATING FOR HEALTHY STOOL" "That's all for today." "I am not pleased at all." " Goodbye, Miss." " Good bye." "Hello, chum!" "Practice harder!" "Aren't you too strict?" " Art is long, life short." " Exactly." "Do you beat them?" " No." "But if you were my pupil, yes!" "You are complicating my life, Doctor." " Alena!" "Mr Hajek is here." "She'll be pleased." "Here he is, true to graph." " Please..." "Through there!" "Classical." "Do I hide under the bed?" " But..." "Come on...!" "Well, goodbye." " Wait!" "I remember you from school, you know." "I don't suppose you do." "I was a little girl." "You were so skinny." "And ugly." "No!" "Yes." "I still am." "Oh, hello!" "The ... architecture   really   is   very   interesting." "Those pictures ..." "However many times you walk around you always come upon something new ..." "Something ..." " Young man, I may be crazy." "But I'm not stupid!" "If you have a girl, ask her home to help you." "The main thing is ..." " Soup." " You have to eat something." "Won't you be lonely?" " I'll take night-duty." "It still hurts." "Had I given that 5000,- it might have stopped." "Alenka!" "Alenka!" "The third finger!" "D, F, A." "Thanks." " Have supper with me." " Where?" " My place." " Mother's cooking?" " Mother's at a spa," "I'm a lonely boy." " I have another lesson." " I'll wait for you at seven." " But only for a little while." "WE ARE MAKING EGGS" "Doctor, help!" " What is up?" "What's happening?" "Come on!" " Hi, quack." " Candy, don't be a fool!" " Girls, let's take a good look!" "I should have known!" "Mummy's away, sonny can play." "Girls, an egg party!" " What lovely nosh!" " Well..." " Good!" "." "This is excellent." "I warmly recommend!" "." "Come here, what is this?" " I do not know." " Well, look at that!" " Well, that is ..." " That's right!" "Alcohol only from a doctor." " Are you really a doctor?" " Well." " Confess!" "You're waiting for a girl, want to lay her with a poem!" "You don't lay a lady, you conquer her!" " I've been conquered repeatedly!" " Whistle!" "Wait!" "It's not my fault." "Come, I'll introduce you." " As the girl you want to lay with a poem?" "Why aren't you wearing a headband too, Doctor..." "Hello." "So who's ill?" " Me, of course." " I should have known...!" "Who else would feel pressure on the chest than you?" "Are you going to treat me?" " I know you're a good girl." " Well?" " Give me that key." "Do you realize how much it costs ..." "... to take advantage   of first ... aid?" "I imagine "taking advantage"" "differently ..." " So you ..." "Look, I really can't!" " You can't?" " No." "No!" "In that case I must treat you!" " No!" "Don't be silly!" "I'm on duty!" "Dammit!" " I thought only drinking was forbidden when on duty!" "You forgot something, Stevie!" "Here!" "Good evening." " Good evening." "Oh!" "Good evening." "You have a demanding profession, Doctor..." " And did you notice the first violin in the second movement and the second ..." " A demanding profession." "It brings in 13,- crowns an hour." "Whistle!" "Put your best dress on, come with me!" "I'm going to conquer you." " I don't talk to sex maniacs." "I've got depressions." " In that case start painting." " But I ..." " And I'm busy." "I'll look after them." "The life-story of Count Lansdorf, who owned the chateau from 1721 to 1752, shows the role of sexual history also on a societal scale." "It shows ..." " I've read the history of sexuality, but never of sexual history." " Didn't you come to hear something new?" "Historical events reflect that age-old conflict." "A beautiful woman and an inadequate husband." "Countess Laura had this magnificent bed made, decorated with erotic bass-reliefs." "To no avail, the marriage remained unconsummated." "The Landsdorfs died out, only the bed remained." "And yet ..." " A marriage advice bureau'd have done the trick!" " The Count did seek help." "He told his trusted priest and confessor, who advised the Count to make use of his impotence politically." "The Count ... agreed." "That brought about the historic event " "for the first time in Bohemia the right to the first night was discontinued." "That means that even inadequacy can bring about progress." " Naturally." " Tsss..." " Only as a side-product, though." "Well?" "Didn't the car hold out?" " The car did, but I can't." "I have something for you." " Better not." "I hate hurting people." " Don't hurt me, then." "He'll have to change that graph." " No." "People come and go, graphs live on for ever." "I advised you to get a car, not such a hybrid!" " Mr. Pisarik ..." " Well?" " D'you think one can ..." "You know what in that car?" " I don't know if you mean what I mean, but ... yes." "But only across the hood." "Skins!" "Feathers!" "Plastic!" "Metal for recycling!" "What's up?" "We've got a death in Probostov." "Want some coffee?" "My wife made it this morning." "Towards the end of the war this Semeckej live in Nuncice." "Had a car that ran on wood-gas and two daughters." "One of 'em married a guy who was a bit nuts." "And his father was a decorator and when the girl was in childbirth" "Semeckej said: "Take the car, get the midwife." "But watch the river crossing, there are mines around and ice!"" "But the man ran out of beech wood ..." "Can't you read, damn you?" "!" "Oh, Doctor..." " I've come to take my turn here." "And I'll send all the women to hell." "That is it." " Where was I?" "I know!" "He didn't know what to do, the stupid oaf, he took off his boots and crossed the river jumping from one slab of ice to another shouting:" ""No mine here."" "No mine here." "No mine here either."" "What are you doing, Professor?" " I'm taking long walks and watching my pulse." " Can a man like me get married?" " Get married like I did. - Out of stupidity." " But ... what then?" " Then you have to make up some sensible reasons." "Isn't this a one-night-only bed?" " It is, but it hasn't had its night." "The emperor spent his elsewhere." " The Emperor went elsewhere, we'll stay here." " Why did you choose me of all girls?" " Why..." "Because you are a lady from a chateau." "Because you are a lady from a chateau your fragrance delicious like a gateau." "Before you become a married lady" "I'd like to do something great for you, my little Whistle." "If you ever hurt me, I'll whistle." "Wife!" "Wife!" "I'm hungry." "I can't stay on at that music-school." " Well." " You'll be going back to hospital ..." " No I shan't." "There life just passes you by." "I feel good amongst ordinary folk." " So let's look for a compromise." " Good morning, Doctor." " Hello, Mrs Kilianova!" " Please excuse me for bothering you..." " Yes, of course!" "Look!" "At least five districts offer job and house." "And an occasional five eggs." "If you found a job in Prague ..." "Urology," "Surgery, Gynaecology, Sexology we'd save up for a car" "in two years too." " A first child in 3 years, a holiday in 4." "Nothing but social certainties." "If you love me, forget it." " Why?" " Time enough for compromising." "Fast train 70 from Cheb is arriving at platform one 9th occupied track." "Stevie!" " Alena!" "So I left the town where my friends had turned into patients for another, where the patients became my friends." "Every man that enjoys life is a poet even when it is being contrary." "Starring and Featuring" "Film Staff" "Continuity Second Unit Director" "Assistant cameraman Animated film, Animation, Cameraman" "Trick Sequences" "Assistant Production Manager" "Production Assistant" " Accounts" "Costume Designer Wardrobe" "Make-up Properties" "Music by Lyrics by" "Singer" "Conducted by Played by" "Set Designer Sound Recordist" "Film Editor Production Manager" "Director of Photography" "Directed by" "Produced at" "Processed at" "THE END"