"Everything all right, Mrs Ho?" "Dinner will be ready at 7.30." " Good evening." " I don't know if..." "You are expected, Colonel." "May I take your coat?" " It is Colonel Mustard?" " No, that's not my name..." "Tonight, you may well feel obliged to my employer for the use of an alias." " And who are you?" " Wadsworth, sir." "The butler." "Yvette, give the Colonel anything he requires." "Within reason, that is." "Wadsworth, I was..." "Come in, madam." "You are expected." " You know who I am?" " You are to be known as Mrs White." "Yes, it said so in the letter." "But why?" "May I introduce you?" "Mrs White, this is Yvette, the maid." "I see you know each other." " Hello." " Hello." " Want a lift?" " Yes, please!" " Thanks." "I'm late for a dinner date." " Me too." "Where are you going?" "Let's see..." "Hill House, off Route 41." "Wait, let me look." "That's where I'm going." "I got a letter like this." " And this is Mrs Peacock." " How do you do?" "Yvette, check dinner will be ready as soon as all the guests have arrived." " Is this the address for Mr Boddy?" " You must be Mr Green." "Sit!" "No..." "Not you, sir." "It should be just off there." "That must be it." " Why has the car stopped?" " It's frightened." "What a God-forsaken place!" "Professor Plum!" "Miss Scarlet!" " I didn't know you were acquainted." " We weren't." "May I present Professor Plum and Miss Scarlet?" "You've each been addressed by a pseudonym." "Nobody here is being addressed by their real name." "Ah, dinner." "I'm sorry." "I'm a little accident-prone." "You'll find your names beside your places." "Please be seated." " Is this place yours?" " No, sir." "I'm a butler." " What exactly do you do?" " I buttle, sir." "The butler is head of the kitchen and dining-room." "I keep things tidy." "What's all this about, this dinner party?" "Ours not to reason why, ours but to do and die." " Die?" " Merely quoting Tennyson, sir." "I prefer Kipling. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male."" " You like Kipling?" " I'll eat anything." "Soup." " For our host?" " For the seventh guest, Mr Boddy." " I thought Mr Boddy was our host." " So did I." "So, who is our host, Mr Wadsworth?" " I want to start." " Wait for the other guest." " I'll keep something warm for him." " What did you have in mind?" "Well, someone's got to break the ice, so why not me?" "I'm often a hostess, for my husband's work." "It's always hard, when new friends meet for the first time, to get acquainted, so I'm prepared to start the ball rolling." "I have no idea why we're here, why I'm here, what this place is about, but I am determined to enjoy myself." "I'm very intrigued, and this soup's delicious, isn't it?" "You are often a hostess for your husband?" "Yes, it's an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a..." "I forgot, we mustn't say who we are, though I don't know why." " Don't you?" " I know who you are." " Will you tell?" " How do you know?" "I work in Washington, too." " So you're a politician's wife?" " Yes, I am." "Come on, then." "Who's your husband?" " So what does your husband do?" " Nothing." " He lies around on his back all day." " Sounds like hard work to me." "I'm sorry!" " I'm a little accident-prone." " Watch it." "Excusez-moi." " This is one of my favourite recipes." " I know, madam." "What do you do in Washington DC, Mr Green?" "Come on!" "How can we get acquainted if we say nothing about ourselves?" "Perhaps he doesn't want to." "I don't know, but if I wasn't making conversation we'd be sitting here in an embarrassed silence." " Are you afraid of silence?" " Yes..." "No..." "Why?" "You seem to suffer from what we call "pressure of speech"." "Who's "we"?" "Are you a shrink?" "I do know a little about psychological medicine, yes." " A doctor?" " But I don't practise." "Practice makes perfect." "Most men need a little practice, don't you think?" " So what do you do?" " I work for the United Nations." "Another politician!" "I work for a branch of the UNO, WHO, the World Health Organisation." " What is your area of concern?" " Family planning." " Are you a real colonel?" " I am, sir." "You're not going to mention you also live in Washington DC?" "How did you know that?" "Have we met before?" "I've seen you before." "You may not have seen me." " Do you live in Washington, too?" " I sure do." " Does anyone not live in Washington?" " I don't." "But you work for the United Nations, a government job." "Anyone not earn their living from the government?" "Where's our host and why have we been brought here?" "Good evening." "You are eagerly awaited." " Locking me in?" "I'll take the key." " Over my dead body, sir." " May I take your bag?" " No." " It contains evidence?" " Surprises, that's what it contains." "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Mr Boddy?" " What are they doing here?" " Eating dinner." " Do sit down, Mr Boddy." " Thanks." "No, you can take that away, honey." "I demand to know what's going on." "Why have we been dragged here?" "Well, I believe we all received a letter." "My letter says, "It will be to your advantage to be present," ""because a Mr Boddy will end a certain long-standing, painful, financial liability."" " Signed, "A friend."" " I got a similar letter." " So did we, didn't we?" " I also received a letter." " No, Yvette." "I just ate." " You know her?" "We know each other, don't we, dear?" "Forgive me, but was your letter the same?" " No." " I see." "Can I interest any of you in fruit, or dessert?" "I suggest we adjourn for coffee and brandy, when I believe our unknown host will reveal his intentions." " There's no one here." " Please help yourselves and be seated." "Mind if I smoke?" "I'm instructed to explain to you what you all have in common, unless you would care to do the honours, Mr Boddy?" " Why?" "They know who I am?" " I don't think so." " It's a hoax." "I suggest we all leave." " You cannot leave this house!" " No?" "Who's gonna stop me?" " There's no way out." "The windows and doors are locked." " Outrageous!" "You can't imprison us!" " Ladies and gentlemen!" "Please return to the study." "Everything will be explained." "You too, Mr Boddy." "The other way!" " You can't go that way." " It's only glass." "You all have one thing in common." "You're all being blackmailed." "You have all been paying money to someone who threatens to expose you." "And none of you know who's blackmailing you." "Please!" "That's ridiculous." "Nobody could blackmail me." "My life is an open book." "I've never done anything wrong." "Anybody else wish to deny it?" "As everyone's in the same boat, there's no harm in revealing details." "And my instructions are to do so." "Thank you, Yvette." " Can't you spare us this humiliation?" " I'm sorry." "Professor Plum." "You were a psychiatry professor, helping paranoid, homicidal lunatics with delusions of grandeur." " Now I work for the UN." " The same job." "You don't practise medicine." " His licence has been lifted." " Why?" "What did he do?" "You know what doctors mustn't do with patients?" "He did." " How disgusting!" " Are you making moral judgements?" "Can you justify taking bribes, for handing your husband's vote to lobbyists?" " Nothing wrong with paid consultancy." " Not if it's publicly declared." "But what if it's used greenbacks slipped under the door of the men's room?" " It stinks." " Were you in the men's room?" " It's true?" " It's a vicious lie." "I'm sure we're glad to hear that." "But you've paid blackmail for over a year to keep it out of the papers." "I'm being blackmailed for something I didn't do." "Me too." " Not me." " No?" "I'm being blackmailed, but I did what I'm being blackmailed for." "What did you do?" "I run a service providing gentlemen with the company of a young lady." "Oh, yeah?" "What's the phone number?" "You knew the Colonel works in Washington." "Is he a client?" " No!" " I asked Miss Scarlet." " Say it's not true." " It's not." " True?" " No." " It is true!" " A double negative!" " You have photos?" " Sounds like a confession." "The double negative has led to proof positive." "Trying to make me look stupid?" " You don't need any help from me." " Right!" "What's so terrible about the Colonel visiting a house of ill fame?" " Most soldiers do." " Please!" "He holds a sensitive post in the Pentagon." "You drive a very expensive car for a colonel." "I came into money during the war when I lost my parents." "Mrs White, you've been paying since your husband died under mysterious circumstances." " Why is that funny?" " That's why he's on his back." "In a coffin." " I didn't kill him." " So why pay the blackmailer?" "I don't want a scandal." "We'd had a very humiliating confrontation." "He was deranged." "He was lunatic." "He didn't like me." "He threatened to kill me in public." " Why kill you in public?" " He threatened, in public, to kill her." " Was that his final word?" " Being killed is pretty final." " Yet he was the one who died, not you." " What did he do for a living?" "A scientist." "Nuclear physics." "What was he like?" "A stupidly optimistic man." "It came as a shock to him when he died." "He was found at home, his head had been cut off and his..." "You know..." " I'd been at the movies." " Miss him?" "It's life after death." "Now he's dead, I have a life." " Your first husband also disappeared." " That was his job." "An illusionist." " But he never reappeared." " He wasn't a very good illusionist." "I have something to say." "I'm not going to wait for Wadsworth to unmask me." "I work for the State Department." "And I'm a homosexual." "I feel no personal shame or guilt about this." "But I must keep it a secret or I'll lose my job on security grounds." "Thank you." "Well..." " That just leaves Mr Boddy." " What's your little secret?" "His secret?" "Hadn't you guessed?" "He's your blackmailer." " You bastard!" " Colonel!" "Put 'em up!" " Gentlemen!" " If you can't fight fairly, don't fight." "He called me a bastard!" " Was that necessary, Mrs White?" " Wait!" "The police are coming." " Oh, no!" " My career is very sensitive..." "Listen!" "Blackmail depends on secrecy." "You admit he's blackmailing you." "Tell the police, convict him, and it will be over." "It's not so easy." "You'll never tell the police." "I shall." "I have evidence, and this conversation is being recorded." " Recordings aren't admissible evidence." " Ladies and gentlemen!" "The police will be here in about 45 minutes." "Tell them the truth and Mr Boddy will be behind bars." " Where are you going?" " I can help them decide." "I'll get my bag." " Who can guess what's in here?" " The evidence against us, no doubt." " Did you know you'd see us tonight?" " Yes." " What were you told?" " That you'd be discussing our little deal." "And if I didn't appear, Wadsworth would tell the police about it." "Naturally, I could hardly resist putting in an appearance." "Excuse me." " Open 'em." " Why not?" "I enjoy getting presents from strange men." "A candlestick?" "What's this for?" "In your hands, you each have a lethal weapon." "If you denounce me to the police, you will also be exposed and humiliated." "I'll see to that in court." "But... if one of you kills Wadsworth now, no one but the seven of us will ever know." "He has the key to the front door which he said would only be opened over his dead body." "I suggest we take him up on that offer." "The only way to stay off the front pages is for one of you to kill Wadsworth..." "Now!" " It's not Wadsworth!" " Is he alive?" "Stand back!" "Give him air." "Let me see..." "He's dead." " Who had the gun?" " Me, but I didn't shoot." "You had the gun." "If you didn't, who did?" "Nobody!" "No gunshot wound!" "Somebody grabbed the gun and it went off." "Look, the bullet broke that vase on the mantle." " Sorry." " Excuse me." "He's right." "There's a bullet hole in the wall." " How did he die?" " I don't know." "I'm not a forensic expert." " One of us must have killed him." " I didn't." "I need a drink!" "Maybe he was poisoned!" "Mrs Peacock, please." "It's all right." "We don't know anything." "Sit down." "Sit down, Mrs..." "I... had to stop her from screaming." " But was the brandy poisoned?" " I don't..." " Looks like we'll never know." " Unless..." "Unless she dies too." " It's locked." " Open up!" " The murderer!" " Screaming?" " It must be Yvette." " Oh, my God!" " You're alive!" " No thanks to you." " You locked me up with a murderer!" " The murderer is in this room?" " Where?" " Where?" "Here!" "We are looking at him, or her." "As Mrs White said, one of you is the killer." " How do you know?" " I was listening." " But why were you screaming in here?" " I am frightened." "I also drink the cogna." "Mon Dieu, I can't stay in here by myself." " Come with us." " With the murderer?" "There is safety in numbers, my dear." " No clue how he died?" " No." "This is absolutely terrible." "It's not what I intended." "Oh, my God!" " Not what you intended?" " You're not the butler?" "Not the butler, but a butler." "In fact, I was his butler." "If he invited us, why was he late?" "I invited you." "I wrote the letters." "It was all my idea." "Wait a minute." "I don't understand." "Why invite us?" "Were you helping him blackmail us?" " Certainly not!" " You had better explain." "Please sit down, everyone." "When I said I was Mr Boddy's butler, it was true but misleading." "I was once his butler." "But it was not his death that ended my employment." " When did it end?" " When my wife decided to end her life." "She too was being blackmailed by this odious man who lies dead." "He hated my wife for the same reason he hated you." "He believed you were all thoroughly un-American." " Sorry." " He felt it was inappropriate for a senator to have a corrupt wife, a doctor to take advantage of patients, for a wife to emasculate her husband and... so forth..." "It's ridiculous." "Why didn't he report us to the authorities?" "He decided to use his information to make some money - very American!" " What was your role?" " I was a victim, too." "At least, my wife was." "She had friends who were..." " Socialists!" " Oh, my God!" "Well, we all make mistakes." "He threatened to report her unless she named her friends." "She refused, so he blackmailed her." "We had no money." "The price of his silence was that we work for nothing, like slaves." " To make a long story short..." " Too late!" "The suicide of my wife created a sense of injustice in me." "I resolved to put Mr Boddy in jail." "It seemed the best way to do it, and free you from blackmail too, was to get everyone face to face, confront Mr Boddy with his crimes, and turn him over to the police." " So, everything is explained." " We still don't know who killed him." "We have to find out before the police arrive." " We can't have the police now!" " How can we know which of you did it?" " Why "which of you"?" " I didn't." "All of us had the opportunity and a motive." " Great!" " Maybe it wasn't one of us." " Who else?" " Who else is here?" " The cook..." " The cook!" "Well, she's not here." "I didn't do it!" "Would somebody help me, please?" "Help me, please!" " Don't touch it, it's evidence." " We have to find out who did this." " You'd better explain yourself." " Me?" "Why?" " Why kill the cook?" " Dinner was OK." " How can you make jokes?" " It's my defence mechanism." "Some defence!" "If I was the killer, I'd kill you next." "I said "if"...!" " The only admitted killer here is her." " I've admitted nothing." " How many husbands have you had?" " Mine?" " Yours." " Five, just five." "Husbands are like Kleenex, soft, strong, disposable." "You lure them like a spider with flies." " Flies are where men are vulnerable." " Right." "If it wasn't you, who was it?" "Who had the dagger?" "Mrs Peacock!" " I put it down, in the study." " When?" "I don't know..." "Before I fainted, after I fainted." "But any of you could have picked it up." "I suggest we take the cook's body into the study." " Why?" " I'm the butler." "I keep the kitchen tidy." "Look!" "The body's gone!" " What are you staring at?" "Who's there?" " Nobody." " What do you mean?" " No body." "Mr Boddy's body has gone." "Maybe he wasn't dead." "We should have made sure." " By cutting his head off?" " Really!" " Where is he?" " We'd better look for him." "Well..." " He couldn't have been dead." " He was!" "At least, I thought he was." " What's the difference?" " Quite a difference to him." " Maybe there is life after death." " As improbable as sex after marriage." " Maybe Mr Boddy killed the cook!" " Yes!" "How?" "If you'll excuse me..." "Is there a little girl's room?" " Oui, oui, madame." " No, I just want to powder my nose." "What's this?" " The negatives the Colonel referred to." " My God!" " Planning to blackmail him?" " Certainly not!" "I was going to give them to the Colonel once Mr Boddy was unmasked." "Very pretty!" "Want to see?" "They might shock you." " No, I am a lady." " So how d'you know what they're like?" " What are they like?" " I'd like them back." " Something in them concerns me, too." " Let me see." " My!" "Nobody can get into that position." " Sure they can." "Let me show you." "Get off!" "Mr Boddy!" "He's attacking her." " No, he's dead." " Mr Boddy, dead?" "Again?" "!" " Oh, my God!" " She's fainting." " Catch her!" " I'll catch her." "Fall into my arms." " Sorry." " You've got blood on your hands." "I didn't do it!" "He's got new injuries." "He's dead now." "Why kill him twice?" " Unnecessary." " What we call "overkill"." " Psychotic." " Unless he wasn't dead." " So what?" " That's what we want to find out!" " Who killed him, where, and with what." " No need to shout." "I'm not shouting!" "All right, I am." "I'm shouting, I'm shouting..." "OK, put the corpses on the sofa." "Ladies first." " Don't get blood on the sofa." " The dagger will go further into her back." "Tip her forward, over the arm." "Now Mr Boddy." "Ready..." " A little higher." " There you go." "Now..." "Who..." " Who had the candlestick?" " It was given to you." "I dropped it." "Anyone could've picked it up." "We have all these weapons, the gun, the rope, the wrench, the lead pipe." "Let's lock them all in this cupboard." "There's a homicidal maniac about." " That's wise." " Good idea." " Why are you pocketing the key?" " To keep it safe." "That means you can open it." "What if you're the murderer?" " I'm not." " What if you are?" "It has to go somewhere." "I know I'm safe." "We don't!" " I have an idea." "We'll throw it away." " Good idea." " Brilliant." " That'll do it." "Sorry..." "Sorry..." "Can we help?" "I didn't mean to disturb the whole household." "My car broke down and I was wondering if I could use your phone." "Just a moment." "Very well, sir." "Would you care to come in?" " Well, where is it?" " The body?" " The phone." "What body?" " No body." "Nobody in the study." " No!" " But there's a phone in the lounge." "Thank you." " When you've finished, please wait here." " Certainly." " Where's the key?" " The key to the weapons cupboard." " You still wish me to throw it away?" " Yes!" "Well..." "What now?" " Wadsworth, let me out." " No, we've got to know who did it." " If you go, I'll say you killed them both." " Me too." "I'll make you sorry you started this, one day when we're alone." "No sane man would be alone with you." " I could use a drink." " So could I." "Just checking..." "Two corpses, everything's fine." " Anybody else want a whisky?" " Yeah." "All right, look." "Pay attention, everybody." "Am I right that there is nobody else here?" " No." " There is someone else." " No, I said no meaning yes." " No meaning yes?" "I want a straight answer." "Is there someone else?" "Yes or no?" " No." " No, there is, or no, there isn't?" " Yes." " Please!" "Shouldn't we get rid of that man before he finds out what's going on?" " We can't throw him out." " If he stays, he'll get suspicious." " If he goes, he'll be suspicious." " I'd be suspicious." "Who cares?" "Let him stay locked up for another half an hour." "The police will be here by then, and there are two dead bodies in the study!" "There's confusion as to whether there's anyone else here." " There isn't." " Confusion or anybody else?" " Either." "Or both." " Gimme a clear answer." " Certainly." "The question?" " Is anybody else here?" " No!" " So he says." "But does he know?" "I suggest we do this in military fashion." "We split up and search the house." " Split up?" "!" " Yes." "We have very little time, so we'll split into pairs." "What if one of us is the murderer?" "Whoever is left with the killer might get killed." " Then we'll discover the murderer." " But one of the pair will be dead!" "This is war, Peacock!" "Casualties are inevitable." "Making omelettes means breaking eggs, every cook knows." "Look what happened to the cook!" " Will you take that chance?" " What choice have we?" " None." " You're right." "Bon, d'accord." "But it is dark upstairs." "Will anyone go with me?" " I will." " No, thank you." "I suggest we all draw lots, for partners." "Ready?" "The two shortest together, the next two shortest together." "Agreed?" "I suggest the two shortest search the cellar and so on, up." "It's you and me, honey-bunch." "The cellar." "We know what's in the study and the library." " The stranger's in the lounge." " Let's go with the billiard-room." " Want to go in front?" " Absolutely no." " I'm sure there's no one there." " Then you go." "All right." " Well, ladies first." " No, you can go first." " I insist." " I insist." " Afraid of a fate worse than death?" " Just death." " Are you going in there?" " Yes." " Right." " Right." " I see no light switches." " Nor do I. There must be some." " Shall I come with you?" " No!" "I mean..." "No, thank you." " Ladies first." " No, thanks." " Go on, I'll be right behind you." " That's why I'm nervous." "Then we go together." "Stay there!" "If there's anybody in here, just look out!" "Are you hiding?" "I'm coming!" " What room's this?" " Search me." " All right." " Get your mitts off me." " Nobody here." " He's behind one of those curtains." "You look." "I'll search the kitchen." "I'm a little nervous." "I'm in this big house, and I've been locked into the lounge." "Yes..." "The funny thing is, there's a group of people here having a sort of party." "And one of them is my old boss from..." "Looks like a secret passage." " Shall we see where it leads?" " What the hell?" "I'll go first." "I've had a good life." " Oh, God!" " It's all right." "Oh, my God!" "Come on!" "We're locked in here!" "Help!" "Down here!" "Get us out of here!" " Where's it coming from?" " Where are we going?" " Where are they?" " The lounge." "We're in here!" " The door's locked!" " I know!" " Where's the key?" " It's gone!" " Never mind, unlock the door!" " I can't unlock it without the key!" " Let us in!" " Let us out!" "It's no good." "Stand back." "There's no alternative." "I'll just have to break it down." " I know, I have it!" " Help!" "Will you shut up?" "We're doing our best!" "They're shooting at us." " I've been shot!" " Come out!" "The door is open!" " Why are you shooting at us?" " To get you out." "You could have killed us." "I could've been killed." "I can't take any more scares." "Look!" " Which one of you did it?" " We found him, together." " How did you get in?" " There's a secret passage." "Is that the same gun?" "The cupboard was locked!" " Unlocked." " Unlocked?" "See for yourself." "How did you know you could get at the gun?" "I didn't." "I think I break it open, but it was open already." "A likely story." "Maybe they'll just go away." " I'm going to open it." " Why?" "I have nothing to hide, I didn't do it!" "The key." "Thank you." "Good evening, sir." " Yes?" " I found an abandoned car at the gate." " Did the driver come in here for help?" " No." " Well, actually, yes." " No!" " Seems to be some disagreement." " No!" "Yes." " Can I come in and use your phone?" " Of course, sir." "You may use the one in the..." "No..." "You could use the one in the st..." "No..." "Would you be kind enough to wait in... in the library?" "Sure." "Don't I know you from someplace?" "You all seem very anxious." "The chandelier fell and almost killed us." "Would you come this way?" "Frightfully draughty, these old houses." "Please help yourself to a drink, if you'd like." " Not the cognac, just in case." " In case of what?" "What now?" " We should've told." " You say that now." " I said it then." " Oh, shut up!" "Let's clean this up." "Hello?" " Maybe the cop answered it." " And who shall I say is calling?" "Would you hold on, please?" "Let me outta here!" "You have no right to shut me in." "I'll book you for false arrest, wrongful imprisonment, and obstructing an officer in the course of his duty and murder." "What do you mean, "murder"?" "I just said it so you'd open the door." "What's going on?" "Why lock me in?" "Why are you getting calls from J Edgar Hoover?" " J Edgar Hoover?" " That's right." "The head of the FBI!" " Why is he on your phone?" " He's on everyone's." "Why not mine?" "Excuse me." " What's going on here?" " We're having a party." " Mind if I look around?" " Sure!" " You can show him around, Mr Green." " Me?" "Yes, you can show him the dining-room, the kitchen, the ballroom..." "Fine!" "Fine." "Officer, come with me." "I'll show you the dining-room or the kitchen or the ballroom..." "Make it look convincing." " So, this is the dining-room." " No kidding!" "Come on!" " What's going on in those two rooms?" " Which two rooms?" " Those two rooms." " Oh, those two rooms!" "Yes." " Officer, you shouldn't go in there." " Why not?" "Because it's all too shocking." "It's not all that shocking." "These folks are just having a good time." "My God!" "Excuse me." " This man's drunk." "Dead drunk." " Dead right!" " You're not going to drive home?" " He won't drive, I promise you." " He'll get a lift?" " We'll get him a car." " A long black car." " A limousine." " Officer!" " I've seen it all." " I can explain everything." " You don't have to." " Don't worry, it's nothing illegal." " Are you sure?" " This is America." " I see." " It's a free country." " I didn't know it was that free." " May I use your phone now?" " Certainly." "Why lock him in?" "We haven't finished searching the house yet!" " Only 15 minutes till the police come." " They already came!" " Shut up!" " Let's get on with it." "Look!" "I can't believe it." "I wonder where this one goes?" "Let's find out." "Let's try the ballroom again." "Don't you touch me!" "Hello?" "Shut the door." "Did anyone recognise you?" "They must have." "And not just my face." "They know every inch of my body." "And they're not the only ones." "It's you!" "There's something funny going on around here, I don't know what it is." "No, I'm not on duty." "But I have a feeling that I'm in danger." "You know that big, ugly house..." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Are you there?" "I am Your singing telegram!" "I'm coming!" "I'm just trying to find the door." " Help me, please!" " Coming." "What's this?" "Another door?" "Two murders." " Neither was shot." "I heard a gun." " So did I." " I heard the front door slam." " The murderer must have run out." " Three murders." " Six altogether." "This is getting serious." "No gun." "Yvette dropped it here." " Very well." "I know who did it." " You do?" "Furthermore, I'm going to tell you how it was done." "Follow me." "To help you understand, I shall take you through the events step by step." "At the start, Yvette was here by herself, waiting to offer you champagne." "I was in the hall." "I know, I was there." "Then I hurried across to the kitchen." "The cook was in here, alive, sharpening knives." "And then..." "The doorbell rang..." "It was you." "I asked for your coat and stopped you from saying your name as I wanted you to use pseudonyms." "I introduced myself as the butler, and I ran across the hall to the library." "Then Yvette met you, and smiled, and poured you a drink." "The doorbell rang." "It was Mrs White." "I took her coat and hung it up." "I introduced Mrs White to Colonel Mustard, and I noticed that Mrs White and Yvette flinched." "There was a rumble of thunder and a crash of lightning." " In short..." " Too late!" "You all arrived." "Then the gong was struck by the cook and we went into the dining-room." "Mrs Peacock sat here, Professor Plum here." "Mrs White, Mr Green, Miss Scarlet, Colonel Mustard." "This chair was vacant." "Anyway, we all revealed we'd had a letter..." " Get on with it!" " The point is, blackmail." " All this came out in the study." " You're right." "Mr Green stood here, Mrs Peacock here, Miss Scarlet, Professor Plum, Colonel..." " Get on with it!" " I'm getting there!" "Mr Boddy got packages from the hall, you opened your presents," "Mr Boddy switched out the lights..." " Oh, my God." " Grand!" " Mr Boddy lay apparently dead." " He was dead!" "So why was he bashed with a candlestick?" " OK, I made a mistake!" " Right." "But why did Mr Boddy pretend he was dead?" "Because he realised his scheme had misfired." "The gunshot was intended to kill him, not me." "The bullet grazed him." "He escaped death by pretending to be dead already." "Whoever grabbed the gun was trying to kill him!" "What happened next?" "Mrs Peacock took a drink." "You said, "Maybe it's poisoned." She screams." "We took her to the sofa..." "Mr Green..." "Well, I had to stop her screaming..." "Then more screaming." "Yvette!" "We all rushed to the billiard-room." " But one of us wasn't here." "No." " No?" "No." "Maybe one of us was murdering the cook." " Who wasn't here with us?" " Do you know?" "I do." "While we stood here, trying to stop Yvette from panicking, one of us could have taken the dagger, run down the hall, and stabbed the cook." " We'd have seen them run back." " Not if they used this secret passage." "And the murderer ran down the passage to the study." " Is that where it comes out?" " Yes, look." " How did you know?" " This house belongs to a friend." " You could be the murderer." " Ridiculous!" "If I was the murderer, why would I tell you how I did it?" " Who else knew of the passage?" " Me and the Colonel found it." " You could've known all along." " Why should we believe you?" "She was with us while Yvette was screaming, remember?" "Why was the cook murdered?" "She had nothing to do with Mr Boddy." "She did!" "I gathered you here because you were all implicated in his blackmail." "Did none of you deduce that the others were involved, too?" " Who?" " The cook and Yvette." " No!" " That's how he got his information." "Before blackmailing anyone, he had to discover their secret." "The cook and Yvette were accomplices." "I see." "So, whoever knew that the cook was involved killed her?" " Yes." "I know, as Mr Boddy's butler, that the cook worked for one of you." " Who?" " You recognised Yvette." "Don't deny it." " What do you mean?" "I deny nothing." " Another denial." "OK, I knew Yvette." "My husband had an affair with her." "I didn't care." " You knew Yvette." " She worked for me." "You also knew her." "You were one of Miss Scarlet's clients." "That's why you wanted those photos." "You and Yvette in flagrante delicto." "Mr Boddy threatened to send them to my mother." "It would've killed her." "Amazing, since you told us she's dead already." "So, he had the motive." " You all did." " Where and when was Mr Boddy killed?" "Don't you see?" "We came back from the study." "Mr Boddy was on the floor, pretending to be dead." "One of us knows he's alive." "I said I'd invited you and we realised there was only one other person here." "The cook!" "Where is he?" "She was dead." "We laid her down, our backs to the freezer." " One of us went through the passage..." " Again?" "...back to the study." "The murderer was in the passage." "Mr Boddy had been on the floor." "He jumped up..." "The murderer came out, picked up the candlestick..." "Mr Boddy followed us into the hall, the murderer crept up behind him..." " And killed him!" " Will you stop that?" "No." "Then he threw him into the toilet." "And joined us in the kitchen." "It took half a minute." " So who wasn't in the kitchen?" " That is the murderer." "We put the weapons in here, locked it, and ran to the door to throw away the key." "The motorist!" "I put the key in my pocket." "Someone could have swapped it for another." " It could have been any one of us." " Precisely." "Wait a minute..." "Colonel Mustard has a top secret job," "Mrs White's husband was a nuclear physicist, and..." "Yvette is a link between them." " What is your job, Colonel?" " I can tell you." "He's working on the next fusion bomb." " How did you know?" " Keep a secret?" "Me too." "Was this a plot?" "Or did Colonel Mustard do it alone?" "We'll see." "Let's look at the other murders." " Bad luck the motorist arrived." " No luck." "I invited him." " You did?" " It's obvious." "Everyone was Mr Boddy's victim or accomplice." "Everyone who died gave him information about one of you." "I got them here to force him to confess." "What about that motorist?" "What information did he have?" " He was my driver during the war." " What was he holding over you?" "He knew that I was a war profiteer." "I stole essential Air Force radio parts and sold them on the black market." "That's how I made my money." "It doesn't make me a murderer." "A lot of our airmen died because their radios didn't work." "Was the policeman working for Mr Boddy, too?" "The cop was from Washington, on my payroll." "I bribed him so I could carry on with business." "Mr Boddy found out." " Oh, my God!" " Oh, please!" "And the singing telegram girl?" "She was my patient once." "I had an affair with her." "That's how I lost my licence." "Mr Boddy found that out, too." "Let's put her in the study with the others." "So, now you all know why they died." "Whoever killed Mr Boddy wanted his accomplices dead." "How did the murderer know?" "I guessed that the singer informed on me to Mr Boddy, but I knew nothing of you until now." "The murderer needed to get the weapons and stole the key from my pocket." "Then Colonel Mustard suggested we search the house." "That's right!" "It was his suggestion." "One of us slipped away and hurried to the study." "On the desk was the envelope containing photos and letters, the evidence of Mr Boddy's informants." " Where's the envelope now?" " Gone." "Destroyed." "Perhaps in the fire, the only possible place." "Aha...!" "Then the murderer went to the cupboard, unlocked it, took the wrench..." "Then we found the passage to the lounge and found the motorist dead." "That's right!" "We couldn't get in, so we went back, got the gun and shot the door open, bang!" "And then the doorbell rang." "Whoever it is must go away or they'll be killed." "Have you ever thought about the Kingdom of Heaven?" " What?" " The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand." " You ain't kiddin'." " Armageddon is almost upon us." " It's already here!" " Go away!" " Your souls are in danger." " Our lives are in danger, you beatnik!" "The cop came, we put him in the library." "We forgot the open cupboard, split up." "And the murderer switched off the electricity." " Oh, my God!" " Turn on the lights!" " Didn't mean to frighten you." " Bit late for that..." "I hate that!" "Then came three more murders." "None of us killed Mr Boddy or the cook." " So who did?" "!" " The one person who wasn't with us." " Yvette." " Yvette!" "She was listening to us." "She heard the shot and thought he was dead." "While we examined the bullet-hole, she got the dagger, ran to the kitchen, and stabbed the cook." "We heard nothing because Mrs Peacock was screaming." "Yvette returned, screamed and we ran to her." " When did she kill Mr Boddy?" " When I said." "We ran to see the cook." "Yvette checked that Mr Boddy was dead." "He followed into the hall, she hit him on the head and dragged him to the toilet." " Why?" " To create confusion." " It worked." " Why did she do it?" "Was she obeying orders from the person who later killed her?" " Who?" " Who?" "Who?" "Was it one of her clients?" "Or was it a jealous wife?" "Or an adulterous doctor?" " No, it was her employer, Miss Scarlet." " That's a lie." "Is it?" "You used her the way you always used her." "You killed the motorist." " How did I know about the passage?" " Yvette told you." "When we split up again, you switched off the electricity." "You got the lead pipe and the rope, strangled Yvette, ran to the library, killed the cop, picked up the gun, opened the door, recognised the singer from her photo, and shot her." " You've no proof." " The gun is missing." "Gentlemen, turn out your pockets." "Ladies, empty your purses." "Whoever has the gun is the murderer." "Brilliant!" "I congratulate you." " Me too!" " Shut up!" " One thing I don't understand." " One thing?" "Why?" "Half of Washington knows your business." "You were in no danger." "The whole town would be implicated with you." "They don't know that my real business is secrets." "And Yvette found them out for me." "The secrets of Senator Peacock's defence committee," "Colonel Mustard's fusion bomb, Professor Plum's UN contacts, and the work of your husband, the nuclear physicist." "So, it is political." "You're a Communist!" "No, Mr Green." "Communism is just a red herring." "Like all prostitutes, I'm a capitalist and I'm going to sell my secrets, your secrets, to the highest bidder." " What if we don't cooperate?" " You will, or I'll expose you." " We could expose you." "Six murders..." " It won't help your reputation at the UN." "You're implicated not only in adultery with a patient but in her death." " And the deaths of five others." " You don't know the UN, it might help." " It's no good, I've no more money." " Neither do I." "I know." "But you can pay me in government information, all of you." "Except you, Wadsworth." "As a butler, you have no access to government secrets." "So, I'm afraid your moment has come." " Not so fast!" "I do have a secret or two." " Such as?" "Game's up." "There are no bullets in that gun." " I'm not falling for that trick." " It's no trick." "One for Boddy, two for the chandelier, two at the door and one for the singer." " That's not six." " One plus two plus two plus one." "One for the chandelier." "One plus two plus one plus one." "That's one plus one plus two plus one." "Not one plus two plus one plus one." "One plus two plus..." "Shut up!" "The point is, there's one bullet, and guess who's gonna get it?" "I'm only a guest!" "Where's the Chief?" "Well done, Wadsworth." "I warned you." "Mr Hoover is an expert on Armageddon." "Don't hate me for trying to shoot you." "Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn." "There are no bullets in this gun." "One plus two... plus one..." "Plus two, plus one... is..." "In the dark, the murderer ran to the study, got the rope and lead pipe, ran to the billiard-room, strangled Yvette..." "Ran to the library, hit the cop." "The doorbell, it was the singing telegram." "The murderer picked up the gun, ran to the door, recognised and shot the girl." " Then ran back to the cellar." " The cellar!" " Colonel Mustard wasn't in the cellar!" " No..." "But you were!" "So?" "You were missing when the cook and Mr Boddy died." "The cook used to be your cook." "Remember your fatal mistake?" "You told us at dinner we were eating your favourite dish." "Monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often found in Washington DC." "Is that what we ate?" " Why murder the others?" " In case Mr Boddy'd told them of you." "It was nothing to do with a nuclear physicist and the fusion bomb?" "No, Communism was a red herring." "Mrs Peacock did it all." " There's no proof." " The gun is missing." "Gentlemen, turn out your pockets." "Ladies, empty your purses." "Whoever has the gun is the murderer." "Very well." "What do you propose to do about it?" " Nothing." " Nothing?" "Nothing." "I don't approve of murder, but you've done the world a service by ridding it of a blackmailer and his informers." " The police will be here any minute." " Why?" "Nobody's called them." " You mean...?" " That's right!" "I suggest we stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly one at a time and pretend none of this ever happened." "Great idea!" "I'll leave first, if you don't mind." "Be my guest." "In fact, I think we all owe you a vote of thanks." "For she's a jolly good fellow For she's a jolly good fellow" "For she's a jolly good fellow" "Which nobody can deny" "Which nobody can deny Which nobody can deny" "For she's a jolly good fellow For she's a jolly good fellow" "For she's a jolly..." " I said I didn't do it!" " What if the authorities find out?" " The FBI will take care of that." " You mean..." "Mr Hoover?" "I work for him, of course." "How else could I know all about you?" " One thing I don't understand." " One thing?" "Who was bribing Mrs Peacock?" "A foreign power." "Her husband handles defence contracts." " Will there be a cover-up?" " Yes, what's to be gained by exposure?" "Do the FBI clean up after multiple murder?" "Yes." "Why do you think it's run by a man called Hoover?" "Mrs Peacock?" " How did you know my name?" " The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand." "OK, take her away." "Take your hands off me." "I'm a Senator's wife!" "Wadsworth, we got her." "See?" "Like the Mounties, we always get our man." "Mrs Peacock was a man?" "Would anyone care for fruit, or dessert?" " Didn't mean to frighten anyone." " Bit late for that!" " Then three more murders." " So who did it?" "!" "Let's consider each murder one by one." "Professor Plum, you knew Mr Boddy was still alive." "Even psychiatrists can tell if patients are alive or dead." "You fired the gun in the dark, missed, and pretended he was dead." "You were able to kill him later, unobserved." "He was missing in the kitchen when we found the cook." "He was with us when we found Yvette, so how did he kill the cook?" " I didn't." " Expect us to believe that?" "I expect you to believe it." "You killed the cook." "She informed on you to Mr Boddy." "You made one mistake." "Sitting here, Mrs Peacock said she was eating one of her favourite recipes." "And monkeys' brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often found in Washington DC." "Colonel, when we saw the motorist at the door, you took the key to the cupboard and suggested we split up." "You left Miss Scarlet, crossed the hall, opened the cupboard, took the wrench, entered the lounge, killed the motorist with a blow." "Like that!" " This is incredible!" " Not compared to what happened next." "I went upstairs with you, Mrs White." "And, while I was in the master bedroom, you hurried downstairs, turned off the electricity, got the rope, and throttled Yvette." "You were jealous of your husband and Yvette so you killed him, too." "Yes." "Yes, I did it." "I killed Yvette." "I hated her so much... it, it... flames... flames on the side of my face... breathing, breath, heaving breaths..." "While we were in the billiard-room, Miss Scarlet crossed to the library, and hit the cop she'd been bribing with a lead pipe." " True or false?" " True." "Who are you?" "Perry Mason?" " Mr Green must have shot the singer." " I didn't!" " There's nobody else left." " I didn't do it." "The gun is missing." "Whoever's got the gun shot the girl." " I shot her." " You?" "!" "I was going to expose you." " I choose to expose myself." " Please!" "Ladies present." "You thought Mr Boddy was dead." "Why?" "None of you had met him before." "You're Mr Boddy!" "Wait!" " Who did I kill?" " My butler." "Oh, shucks." "He was expendable, like you." "I'm grateful to you for disposing of my informers." "Saved me the trouble of destroying the evidence." "This has nothing to do with my nuclear physicist husband or Colonel Mustard's work with the fusion bomb?" "No, Communism was just a red herring." "The police are coming." "You'll never get away with it." "Why should the police come?" "Nobody's called them." " You mean..." " Oh, my God!" "Of course!" "Why shouldn't we escape?" "Put the bodies in the cellar, leave quietly and forget any of this ever happened." " And you'll go on blackmailing us." " Of course, why not?" "Well, I'll tell you why not." "Good shot, Green." "Very good." " You a cop?" " I'm a plant." " A plant?" "Men like you are called fruits." " Very funny." "FBI." "That call from J Edgar Hoover was for me." "I told you I didn't do it." " All right." "Who done it?" " He did it." " That gentleman..." " No!" "They all did it." "But if you wanna know who killed Mr Boddy, I did." "In the hall, with the revolver." "OK, Chief." "Take 'em away." "I'm going home to sleep with my wife."