"It's hard to find a store in a mall." "They have a directory but the problem with it is, even if you figure out where you are and where you wanna go you still don't really know, sometimes, which way to walk because it's an upright map." "If you had, like, suction-cup feet, then you could just walk right up on it." "Then you could tell, you could be on it going, "All right, I'm here." "I wanna go to the Gap." "That's down there." "All right, I'll just walk that way."" "But people would know." "They would see you walking down the mall going:" "They'd go, "That's one of those suction-cup guys." "I heard about that guy." "He's never lost."" "One left." "What a joke." " You can have this one." " That's not enough BTUs for my living room." "This was a waste of time." "I didn't get one either." "Why do I always have the feeling everybody's doing something better than me on Saturdays?" " This is what people do." " No, they don't." "They're out on some big picnic, they're cooking burgers making out on blankets." "They're not at some mall in Jersey watching their friends trying to find the world's cheapest air conditioner." "You should see what my father used to do before he bought a new car." "He'd go from state to state." "He was away for weeks at a time." "Like he's running for president and going through the primaries." "We'd get phone calls from New Hampshire." "We took a little ride, what's the big deal?" "At least you accomplished something." "You got fish." "Oh, big accomplishment." "Fish." "What do they do?" " What do you do?" " Hey, this way!" "Jerry, what time do you have?" "I have 5:00." " Always late." "Always late." " You're not late." "I told them to meet me in front of my building at 6: 15." " Who?" " My parents." "It's their anniversary." "I'm taking them out to dinner and a show tonight." " Think we'll hit traffic?" " Of course." "It's rush hour." " Isn't it the other way?" " There's no other way." "Everybody goes every way all the time." " But it's Saturday." " You got the picnic and burger traffic." " There's picnic traffic?" " As my grandfather used to say:" ""Sometimes even a picnic's no picnic."" "I always get myself in this position." "Can't be on time." "Gotta rush." "What's the matter?" "I have to go to the bathroom." "Why do they hide the bathrooms in these malls?" " You want me to help you with that?" " No, I got it." "What do you think, Georgie boy?" "Did I need that pointed out for me?" "What is that gonna do for me?" "How does that help me, to see her?" "I'm trying to live my life." "Don't show me that." "Well, if you like her, go and talk to her." "Yeah, women love to get approached in parking garages." "I'll go up and say, " Hi, how you doing?" "Would you like a glass of white wine?"" "You get within 15 feet, she'd have her finger on the Mace button." "That was a guy." " That was a guy?" " Where's the car?" "Well, I thought it was here." "You don't know where we parked?" " Oh, this is great." " Look, I thought it was Green 22." "I remember Orange." "I thought it was Orange." " I didn't pay attention." " This is just what I need." "I'm sure it's right around here." "Yeah, it looks familiar." "I remember the elevator." "There's elevators all over!" "Everything looks the same!" "We're like rats in some experiment." "It's over there." "I know where it is." " It's black, right?" " Well, it's dark brown." "In a parking lot, you write it down." "How hard is that?" "There it is." "No, no." "That's a Toyota." " I thought it was..." " Hey, didn't we come in over there?" "I thought we came in over there." "How long can fish live in one of these plastic bags?" "I don't know." "Maybe two hours." "You better find this car." "Let's try this way." "I really have to go to the bathroom." "Why don't you just go behind one of these cars." " Why?" "There's nobody around." " I'll wait." "You hold it in like that, you can cause a lot of damage to your bladder." "That's what happens to truck drivers." "They hold it in all the time and eventually it starts to come out involuntarily." " All right." "Jerry, are you aware that adult diapers are a $600-million-a-year industry?" "Maybe I should just go any time I get the urge, like you, wherever I am." "There's too much urinary freedom in this society." "I'm proud to hold it in." "It builds character." " Is that it?" " No." "Hey!" "Watch it!" "Maniac." "You sure you don't want help with that?" "I'm gonna put it down behind that car." "Worried somebody's gonna pee on it?" " It's Purple 23." "Remember that." " Oh, I got it." "That I'm supposed to remember." "Where the car is, that's insignificant." "I think they're labouring." "Look at this place!" "It's huge!" "All right, let me say this to you:" "If I am not in front of my building at 6: 15, when my parents get there they're gonna put me on an aggravation instalment plan that will compound, with interest, for decades." "Parents never forget a foul-up." "I once left my jacket on a bus when I was 14." "I was flying to Chicago, last week, on a plane:" ""Make sure you hang on to your jacket."" "There's no way you can call them?" " Yeah, I'll call them on their car phone." " What would it take for his parents to get a car phone?" " Hypnosis by aliens." " Where the hell is this car, Kramer?" " We need a system." "Well, it's gotta be here." "Why are they using so many colours?" "The numbers go up to 40." "Maybe it's not on this level." " What?" " There's four different levels." "Maybe we're on the wrong level." " How long was the escalator ride up?" " It felt like a couple of levels." "You should always bring a pad and a pen." "I can't carry a pen." "I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum." "I got a pen." "Where is the bathroom in this mall?" "There's 600 stores, I didn't see one bathroom." "What is this, like, a joke?" "Don't they consult with a urologist when they build one of these places?" " What's with you?" " My ear itches." "Don't you dare talk to me like that, you hear me?" "I told you, I don't care!" "You'll have to wait!" "Hey, hey, is that really necessary?" "Why don't you mind your own business." "Well, I think hitting a defenceless child is my business." " You're ugly." " What?" " You're ugly." " You are." " You are." " That's what you think." "That's what I know." " I found it!" " He's got it!" " No, no, no." " All right, that's it." "From now on, no more calling out "I found it" unless we're sitting in it." "Jerry, look at my fish." " His eyes look a little cloudy." " See?" "Oh, those are your eyes." "Oh, they are gonna be furious." " Who's got the tickets?" " I do." "I thought you knew this mall." " You said you'd been here." " It was easy last time." "Okay, my fish are dying right in front of me." "We've gotta get someone to drive us around to us help look for the car." "No one's gonna do that." "Excuse me." "Hi." "We can't seem to find our car." "I was wondering if it would be possible to drive us around the garage for five minutes so we can look." "Sorry." " Just five minutes." " Can't do it." "We're not skinheads." "Excuse me." "I can't seem to find my car." "Do you think you could drive me...?" "Oh, that's funny?" "Is that funny?" "Hey, tell me if you think this is funny:" "These fish are dying." "In an hour they'll be belly-up!" "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Hey, sorry to have disturbed you." "Terribly sorry." "But the fish will be dead!" "You do know that?" "They can't live in plastic." "That's not me talking, that's science!" "It's amazing how shopping makes me have to go." "How does my bladder know I'm in a department store?" "Why don't you just go." "No, I can't." " Don't you get tired of following rules?" " You think I'm too cautious?" "Why be uncomfortable if you don't have to?" " It's organic." " Organic." "So is Buddy Hackett." " Buddy Hackett?" " He's a comedian." "I know." " All right, all right." " Hey, you can go over here." "I can manage." "George!" " Okay, let's go." " But..." "Come on." "Kramer." "I'm telling you, I've had this condition since I was 11 years old." "I've been in and out of hospitals my whole life." "I have no control over it." "Doctors have told me that when I feel it the best thing to do is just release it." "Otherwise I could die." "Do you hear what I'm saying to you?" "I'm telling you that if I don't go, I could die." "Die!" "Is it worth dying for?" " That's up to you." " Oh, so you don't care if I die." "What I care about is the sanitary condition of the parking facility." "Why would I do it unless I was in mortal danger?" " I know it's against the law." " I don't know." "Because I could get "uromysitisis" poisoning and die, that's why." "You think I enjoy living like this?" "The shame?" "The humiliation?" "You know, I've been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition." "Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning." "Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the place." "Jerry!" "Jerry!" "Unbelievable." "I'm never gonna get out of here." "Guy goes to pee, he never comes back." "It's like a science-fiction story." "Maybe he went to one of the other levels." " I'm gonna look for him." " Now you're gonna go?" " Be back in five minutes." " lf you go now we'll find the car, Jerry will show up and we'll never find you!" "I'll be right back." "What's the difference?" "We'll all be dead eventually." "Does that bother you?" "Yeah, it bothers me." " Doesn't it bother you?" " Not at all." "Now, that bothers me even more than dying bothers me." "Because people like you live to be 120 because you're not bothered by it." "How can it not bother you?" "Well, I once saw this thing on TV with people who are terminally ill." "Every one of them believed that the secret of life is just to live every moment." "Yeah, I've heard that." "Meanwhile, I'm here with you in a parking garage in Jersey." "That's a nice jacket." "Where'd you get that?" "Some guy left it over at my mother's house." "First of all, you don't even know, technically, that I went." "That's for starters." "I mean, I could have been pouring a bottle of water out there." " I know what you did." " Oh, really?" "Do you?" "Well it just so happens that I did pour water out." "I had a bottle of very tepid water and I poured it out." "I could see how you made a mistake because pouring water out sounds very much like a person urinating." "And, you know, when you think about it it's really quite an amusing case of mistaken identity." "And that's all it is." "And now he's gone." "I'm sure he's looking for the car." "Five minutes, that's all." "I just wanna find him." " I can't do it." " But why?" "Why can't you do it?" "I can't." "That's not a reason, "You can't." You just don't want to." "That's right." "But why?" "Why don't you want to?" "I don't know." "Well, wouldn't you get any satisfaction out of helping someone out?" "No, I wouldn't." "All right." "All right." "I..." "I want to apologize." "I was frightened." "I said crazy things, I obviously offended you I insulted your intelligence." "The uromysitisis, the water bottle I made all that up." "And now I'm gonna tell you the truth." "Today my parents are celebrating their 50th..." "Well, I'm jumping ahead here." "Their 47th wedding anniversary." "And we made plans to spend the evening together." "They're meeting me in front of my building at 6: 15." "What I haven't told you or anyone else, for that matter is that my father's been in a Red Chinese prison for the past 14 years." "I mean, the guy had a fat fetish." "The inspector never dated a woman under 250 pounds." " Really." " What did he do with all that fat?" "Does he just jump up and down on it?" "Or does he gouge it like Killer Kowalski?" " Who's Killer Kowalski?" " He was a wrestler." "He would get down on his knees and he'd grab ahold of someone's stomach and squeeze it till they gave." "Hey, hey, hey." "I have to go to the bathroom." "Why don't you just go." "What, here?" "You and Jerry." "It's..." "Okay." "All right, I'm gonna go down this row." "What?" "What did I do?" "I didn't do anything." "Kramer!" "Kramer!" "What?" "Don't you believe me?" "It's their 47th anniversary." "You know, this is gonna kill them." "You're aware of that?" "Kill them." "On the biggest night of their life." "Your folks have an anniversary today too?" "Was your father also in a Red Chinese prison?" "Red Chinese prison?" "George!" "George!" "Jerry!" "Jerry!" "You know when you're walking with someone and you assume that they know where the car is?" "And you're fine until you see them do this move." "Once they do this:" "When they look back from where they came from..." "No, you're in bad shape now." "Nobody that knows where they're going does that." "Pilots on planes don't open the cockpit door and go:" "Well, what happened was my father was staying with one of China's great military leaders General Chang, who, by the way, came up with the recipe for General Chang's chicken." "The one with red pepper and orange peel at Szechwan Gardens?" " I eat it all the time." "Spicy." "Apparently, General Chang is a flamboyant man." "Complete failure as a general, but a hell of a cook." "Look at this." "Look at this." "Will you look at this?" "He doesn't have enough with the Mercedes, he has to have two spaces." "I tell you, you know what I'd like to do?" "I'd like to spit on it." "I would like to see that." " Should I?" "Should I do it?" " Teach him a lesson he'll never forget." " Who does he think he is?" " Someone's gotta stop him." " It's against the law, isn't it?" " Well, it certainly should be." "Okay." "This is some machine." "Leave it to the Germans." "Let me ask you something." "What do they get for a tune-up on this?" " Jerry!" " Elaine!" "Where have you been?" " I was arrested for urinating." " Me too." " You what?" " I have uromysitisis." "It's very serious, you know." "Jerry, look at my fish." " Is he...?" " No, but he's not looking good." "Please." "We can't find our car." "Please, just drive us around the parking lot to find our car." " My fish are dying." " Sorry." "Can't do it." "I can see not caring what happens to us." "We're human." "But what about the fish?" "The fish?" "Sorry." "That's right, go." "Go home to your dumbbells." "Go work on your pecs and your lats." "We're all really impressed." "Yeah, that's right." "You heard me." " You got a problem with that?" " Elaine, shut up." "Don't worry, I'm packing heat." "Hey, hey." "Where's Kramer?" " I don't know." " I thought he was with you." "Oh, see?" "See?" "I knew this was gonna happen." "Look at the time." "All right, that's it." "Did we look over there?" "We check that side?" " We came in over there." " We didn't come in over there." " Where's Kramer?" " Look at these cars they all look exactly alike." "The fumes." "I can't breathe." "I'm having trouble breathing." "Hey, George, there she is again." "What are you doing?" "You're killing me." "Ask her to drive us around." "There's your opening." "That is an opening." "Excuse me." "I'm really..." "See, what happened my friend forgot where he parked..." " Sure, I'll drive you around." " You will?" " Sure." "Thank you." "Thank you." "We're late and my parents are waiting for me and we're stuck here." "Well, I wouldn't wanna get lost in here." "It smells like a toilet." " People are such animals." " You're telling me." "Filthy pigs." "It's a brown Ford." "This has happened to me too." "It's very frustrating." "I've asked several people." "They wouldn't even answer me." "I'm happy to do it." "I'm Michele." "Hi, Michele." "I'm George." " Get out!" " But I didn't mean anything by it." "I don't even know L. Ron Hubbard." "I didn't know you were with that group." "What about my fish?" "Boy, those Scientologists, they can be pretty sensitive." "I'll say." "What is it?" "The car!" " The car!" " The car!" " The car!" " I can't believe it!" "Kramer." "Kramer's not here." "I knew it." "I knew it." "I knew this would happen." " Kramer!" "Kramer!" " Kramer!" "Kramer!" "Hey, look." "Boy, I had a hell of a time finding that air conditioner." "You know I looked everywhere?" "I completely forgot where I hid it." "You know where it was?" " Purple 23." " Right." "Purple 23." "I could have used you." "Sometimes it's good to write those things down." "Oh, boy." "What time is it?" "7:45." "Well, at least there'll be no traffic." "Right." "Oh, boy." " What time does that play start?" " 8:00." "Well, that could be a problem." "Where's your little bag of..." "All right, let's giddyup." "See, the problem with the mall garage is that everything looks the same." "They try to differentiate it." "They put up different colours, different numbers, different letters." "What they need to do is name the levels like:" ""Your mother's a whore." You know what I mean?" "You would remember that." "You'd go, " I know, I'm parked at 'My father's an abusive alcoholic.'" "I know where I parked."" "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "There's always one location in your neighbourhood, one store that's constantly changing hands." "Everybody has this in their neighbourhood." "It's a leather store then it's a yoghurt shop, it's a pet supply." "It's constantly changing." "Nobody can do business there." "It's like some sort of Bermuda Triangle of retail." "Stores open up and then they just disappear without a trace." "Nobody knows what happened." "Eventually, when aliens land and the mothership from Close Encounters..." "The bottom will slowly open and all these store owners will wander out in a daze, going, " I thought there was gonna be more walk-in traffic."" "She thinks I'm nice." " Women don't want nice." " Amazing." "I haven't seen one person go in that restaurant since it opened." " Poor guy." " Why is nice bad?" "What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?" "What's that smell?" "What are you wearing?" "What?" "A little cologne." "Manly." " Monica wants me to wear it." " Why didn't you say no?" "I'm too nice." "Look at this poor guy." "His family's probably back in Pakistan waiting for him to send back money." "This is horrible." "She wants me to take an IQ test." "It's because you're stupid enough to wear the cologne." "No." "She's taking this course in education for her master's." "It's part of her research project, so I have to be a guinea pig." "I've never been a guinea pig." "Been a sheep, been a toady..." "I can't talk to you anymore." "All right, I'm sorry." "Go ahead." "You're taking the IQ test." "She's gonna find out I'm a moron." "People think I'm smart, but I'm not smart." "Who thinks you're smart?" "I won't break 100 on this thing." " What thing?" " You don't listen anymore." "Oh, the IQ thing." "Yeah." "I'm sure I have a low IQ." "I've been lying about my SAT scores for 15 years." " What did you get?" " What did I get, or what do I say I got?" " What do you say?" " I say 1409." " 1409, that's a good score." " You're telling me." "What did you really get?" " You're my friend." " Of course." " I tell you everything, right?" " I hope so." "Well, this I take to the grave." "He's serving Mexican, Italian, Chinese." "He's all over the place." "That's why no one's going in." "Why do you keep watching?" "I don't know." "I'm obsessed with it." "It's like a spider in the toilet, struggling for survival." "And even though you know he's not gonna make it you root for him for a second." "Then you flush." "Well, it's a spider." "Sometimes people won't go in a place if they don't see anyone else in there." "Do you have to do that?" "Jerry, don't do that." "That is so annoying." "Bazooka Joe." " The buzzer?" " It's your house." "My house." "You gotta be on the lease to press the buzzer." " Yeah?" " It's George." "Come on up." " Casus belli." " What's that?" "It's Latin." "I read it in some book." "I just wanted to say it out loud." "Come on, go in." "Go in." " Have you gone in there?" " No." "I'm afraid we'll start talking and I'll wind up going partners with him." "Hey." "I could probably shoot him from here." "I'd be doing us both a favour." "I'm wearing some cologne, all right?" "Sure." "Fine." "Casus belli." "Casus belli." " What's that?" " Since when do you wear cologne?" "Why is what I do so important?" "Why must I always be the focal point of attention?" "Let me just be." "Let me live." " How'd you do on that IQ test?" " I didn't take it yet." " What IQ test?" " What's casus belli?" " Oh, it's nothing." " Is it about me?" "Why must you always be the focal point of attention?" "Why can't you just be?" "Why can't you live?" "It's just a Latin phrase." "It does not mean anything." "Now, what is this test?" "This woman he's dating is making him take this IQ test for this course." " Oh, that sounds like fun." " Yeah, fun." "IQ tests are totally bogus." "They prove nothing." " You'll do well." "You're smart." " No, see, he's not smart." "People think he's smart, but he's not." "What did you get on your SATs?" "It varies." " I don't even know my IQ." " Mine's 145." " One forty-five!" " Get out of here." " You get out of here." " You get out of here." "Maybe you should take the test for me." "That would be something, cheating on an IQ test." "Remember in college when you passed Lettick the test out the window?" " You became a legend after that." " Yeah." "Yeah, I really had some guts back then." " Why don't we do it again?" " What?" "You could take the IQ test for me." "I'll pass it to you out of a window." "She lives on the first floor." " You serious?" " Why not?" "Where would I take the test?" "She lives around the corner." "Take it here or go to the coffee shop." " No, too noisy." " Take it at the Dream Café." "You won't hear a peep." " Hey, what do you think?" " Hey, I love a good caper." "Yeah, that's what it is, isn't it?" "A caper." "You'll do it?" " What the hey." " Yeah!" "Beautiful!" "Sorry." " Welcome to the Dream Café." " Well, I've been looking forward to it." "How did you hear about us?" "People." "People are talking." "Smoking or nonsmoking?" "We are proud to offer both." " Nonsmoking would be great." " Very good." "My name is Babu Bhatt." "I will be your waiter." "A steaming hot, folded face cloth for your pleasure." " Thank you." " Our specials are tacos moussaka and franks and beans." "Well, what do you recommend, my good fellow?" " The turkey." " Well, the turkey it'll be." "May I say you have a splendid establishment here, my friend." "I'm sure you'll flourish at this location for many, many years." "You're a very kind man." "Very kind." "Thank you." "Very kind." "Very kind." "I am a kind man." "Who else would do something lik e this?" "Nobody." "Nobody thinks about people the way I do." "Snap out of it, you stupid jerk." "You're eating a turk ey sandwich." "You want a Nobel Prize?" "You go in the living room, I'll take the test in here." "But why?" "I won't be able to concentrate in front of you." "I think you're making too much of this." "IQ tests don't mean anything." "Are you kidding me?" "This is the best tool we have today of measuring a person's intelligence." "Well, I certainly don't place any importance on it." "Well, I think you're wrong about that." "And now, if you'll excuse me, I'd really like to get started, please." " Good luck." " Don't need it." "What's going on?" "I've been here 20 minutes." "I'm sorry." "Here's the test." "Thanks for doing this." " What time do you want me back?" " Twenty to 3." " Okay." " Thanks again." "And don't settle for 145." "You can do better." "You're a genius." "Thank you, Babu." "You have quite a flair." "You are quite the restaurateur, I must say." " It is indeed my pleasure." " Oh, please." "Welcome to the Dream Café." " Our specials today..." " Oh, no, no." "I'll just have tea and toast." " Tea and toast." " Eat something!" "Babu." "Okay." "Well, I'll have the rigatoni." "Oh, very good choice." "Very good." "So you got the test." "You're cheating." "I know." " Hey." " Hey." "Oh, boy." "Jerry, let me ask you something." " Hi, Elaine." " Hey." "This guy leaves this jacket at my mother's house two years ago." "She hasn't spoken to him since and now he says he wants the jacket back." " So?" " Well, I'm not giving it back." "Why not?" "Because I meet a lot of women in this jacket." "They're attracted to it." "Why do you think my mother went out with him?" " You all right?" " Yeah." "Okay." "What?" "Anyway, it's been two years." "I mean, isn't there, like, a statue of limitations on that?" "Statute." " What?" " Statute of limitations." "It's not a statue." "No, it's statue." "Fine." "It's a sculpture of limitations." "Wait a minute." "Just wait a minute." "Elaine." "Elaine." "Now, you're smart." "Is it "statue" or "statute" of limitations?" " Statute." " Oh, I really think you're wrong." "Kramer, I have to take this test." "I don't have a lot of time." "What test?" " An IQ test." " Why are you taking an IQ test?" " It's for George." " George?" "Look, can I explain it to you later?" "But why are you taking an IQ test for George?" "Would you please?" "!" " Is it for a job or something?" " Later!" " You're positive it's statute?" " Yes!" "Yes!" "Welcome, welcome." "A steaming hot face cloth..." " George?" " Yeah?" "The door's locked." "Oh, it's locked?" "I need to get something." "Monica, I'm really focused here." "This stuff's a killer." " George!" " Wish I could." "Babu!" "If you don't mind..." "Okay." " I'll get this." " Oh, my God!" "It's all over the test!" " I'm terribly sorry." " Oh, man!" " I'm out of time, anyway." " Please forgive me." "Please." "Go ahead." "I'll take care of it." "Please, I'm very sorry." "Tell your friends." "It's all right." "She was cheating anyway." "You're a very kind man." "Babu..." " You're Pakistani, right?" " Yes, Pakistani." "Yes." "Babu, may I say something?" "Of course." "You're very smart man." "I listen." "I am not a restaurateur by any means, but it occurred to me that perhaps you might serve some dishes from your native Pakistan as opposed to, say, the franks and beans, for example." " There are no Pakistani people here." " It doesn't matter." "You would have the only authentic Pakistani restaurant in the whole neighbourhood." "Yes." "You see everything, don't you?" "Well, you know, not everything." "I do what I can." "I close down today." "And when I open again, it will be a Pakistani restaurant." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "You're a very special person." "Very special." "I am such a great guy." "Who else would've gone to the trouble to help this immigrant?" "I am special." "My mother was right." "Of course, I've never had Pakistani food." "How bad could it be?" " It was an accident." " What, did you go on a picnic?" "Babu Bhatt did it." "Babu Bhatt?" " How am I going to explain this?" " Time's up, George." "Okay." " Here you go." " How did you do?" " Piece of cake." " What happened to the test?" "What?" "Oh, I spilled some food on it." "Food?" "What food?" "What are you talking about?" "Where did you get food?" " From my pocket." " Your pocket?" "I had a sandwich in my pocket." " And coffee?" " Yeah." "Had some coffee, yeah." " Where did you get the coffee?" " Where did I get the coffee?" "Where do you think I got the coffee?" "At the grocery store." " How did you get there?" " I walked." "How did you get out?" "I didn't see you leave." " I climbed out the window." " You climbed out the window?" " Of course." " Why didn't you go out the door?" "The door?" "Why would I go out the door?" "The window's right here." "You're a fascinating man, George Costanza." "The average person sees a situation like this they walk right by it." " Not me." " You're very special." "Hey, do me a favour." "Some guy comes looking for me, tell him you don't know where I am." "Of course." "I always do." "No, no, it's that guy." "He's really been bugging me about the jacket." " Just give it back to him." " He'll have to kill me." " Hey, Georgie!" " I'm coming up." "How did you do on the IQ test?" "Eighty-five!" " What?" " Eighty-five, Jerry!" "85 IQ." "Eighty-five?" "Well, well, well..." "He's coming up?" "Well, I'm no genius but according to my calculations, he should be here in a few seconds." "Yeah, but an 85?" "Jerry, that's ridiculous." "Well, maybe the test was gender-biased." "You know, a lot of questions on hunting and testicles." "Oh, hello, professor." " George, I cannot believe..." " Please." " No, there's gotta be a mistake." " You should have seen her face." "It was the same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist." "But an 85?" "Listen, there were too many distractions there." "Babu whatever his name was." "And Kramer." "I couldn't concentrate." "It was a madhouse." "Jerry, it was." " Let me take it again." " Forget it." "Oh, come on." "Come on." "I'll guarantee you 140." " What do you have to lose?" " You could do worse!" "No." "No, come on." "I guarantee it." " All right, I'll ask her." " Okay." "Now, where am I gonna take it?" "Take it here." "I'll leave." "There will be no distractions." "Well, congratulations, my friend." "Sorry I missed the grand reopening." "I was out of town for about a week." "You see how I listen?" "I work very hard, borrow more money." "I think it's fantastic." "It has a certain indefinable charm." " You wish to eat?" " Let me tell you something, Babu." "You go back in that kitchen, tell your chef I want the works." "Very good." "Very good?" "No, not very good very great." "I am very, very great." "The IQ tests always have that sample question at the beginning where they show you how to fill in the circle." "This should be the first elimination point right there." "Anybody goes outside that circle:" ""You wanna come with us, please?" "Yeah, you're done." "Your test is over." "You went outside the circle, okay?"" " What are you doing?" " Quiet." "Don't say anything." " What's going on?" " Hey, Kramer!" "I saw you go in there!" "I'm not leaving till you give me that jacket!" " Open up, Kramer!" " What did you come in here for?" "Well, I thought I'd throw him off." "See, he knows where I live." "Look, Kramer, I have to return this test." "I've gotta get out of here." " I thought you took the test." " I had to take it again." " How come?" " What's the difference?" "!" " Well, you can't leave now." " What?" "Come on, Kramer, I want that jacket back!" "Never!" "Come on, George, open up." " Well?" " How you doing?" "Where's the test?" "You know, it's the damnedest thing." "I went out the window again to get a cup of coffee..." "Babu..." "Babu. ...you know, I've gotta tell you, I never do this, but the shrimp it's just a little stringy." " You have any chicken?" " The shrimp is stringy?" " Well, maybe you refrigerated..." " Quiet!" " No, I..." " You shut up!" "You make me change restaurant, but nobody come!" "You say make Pakistani." "Babu Bhatt have only Pakistani restaurant." "But where are people?" "You see people?" "Show me people!" "There are no people!" " I think I'll just take the check." " You bad man!" "You very, very bad man." "Bad man?" "Could my mother have been wrong?" "Are you looking for George?" "Well..." "Kind of." "George left." "Is that the test?" "This?" "Yeah." " Here you go." " Thanks." "I hope you do a lot better this time." "Actually, I think I did." "The first time, I couldn't really concentrate." "You know what it was?" "Bad location." "Come on, let's not stand here too long." "We might run into her." "Aren't you cold?" "Where's your jacket?" " Oh, sorry." " I'm going upstairs." "Hey, guys." "I just ran into Monica." "You know what my IQ is?" "One fifty-one." " One fifty-one?" " Yeah." "That's a good score." "So, what are you up for?" "How about Mexican?" " Italian." " No, Chinese." "You know what would be great?" "It's tough to do a good deed." "Let's look at your professional good-deed doers:" "Your Lone Rangers, your Supermen your Batmen, your Spider-Men, your Elastic Men." "They're all wearing disguises." "Masks over their faces, secret identities." "Don't want people to know who they are." "Too much aggravation." ""Superman, thanks for saving my life but did you have to come through my wall?" "I'm renting here." "They got a security deposit." "What am I supposed to do?"" "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "The transplant, the hair plug is really quite amazing." "Hair on your shower soap yesterday can be in your head tomorrow." "How do they do the transplant?" "Did they have the guy take a shower, get his soap rush it in by helicopter?" "You know, keep the soap alive on the soap-support system?" "Then eventually move it over?" ""We got the hairs, but I think we lost the Zest."" "Sometimes the body rejects the transplant with organs." "Is it possible that a head could reject a hair transplant?" "The guy's just standing around." "Suddenly:" "It lands in someone's frozen yoghurt." "You see, the gaskets that you have here are asymmetrical." " Really?" " So I took off the motor relay on the compressor because you've got some discoloration." " Oh, whatever you have to do." " I was working with one mount at a time." "You know, because you don't want to disturb the position of the compressor." " No, you don't." "Hey, what are you listening to?" "My show from last night." " Oh, you taped it?" " Yeah, I was doing some new material." "Did you ever do that thing on the toes that I said?" "You know, how, like, the big toe is, like, the captain of the toes." "But sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there's, like, a power struggle." "And the second toe assumes control of the foot." " The coup d'é-toe." " Yeah." " Did you do it?" " Yeah." " So?" " Nothing." "Nothing at all." " I need the phone." " Who you calling?" "China." " China?" " Yeah, I'll pay for it." " What for?" " What for?" "I'll tell you what for." "For hair." " Hair?" " The Chinese have done it, my friend." " The Chinese have done it." " Done what?" " Discovered the cure for baldness." " Did you see that last night?" "It was on CNN." "This Chinese doctor, Zang Zhao has cured baldness." " What's this?" " Oh, I just got it." "Spector gave it to me." "He's giving everything away." "He's becoming a minimalist." "Is that the guy who likes fat women?" "Yeah." "Doesn't the fat fetish conflict with the minimalism?" "You." "You should have watched that report on CNN last night." "I did." "I'm trying to call China." "You can't call China now." "It's like, what, 3:00 in the morning there." " Oh, my God." " What?" "Oh, God." "Man." "Oh, brother." "I can't believe what I'm hearing." "This woman's talking to me on my tape recorder while I was on stage." "This is wild." "I never heard anything like this." "Listen." "I want to slide my tongue around you lik e a s..." "Oh, my God." " Let me hear." " Wait, wait, wait." " Who is this woman?" " I don't know." "I have no idea." "I was just listening, and she came on." "This is like a Penthouse letter." " Why can't I meet women like this?" " Come on." "Wait!" "Wait!" " Where was the tape recorder?" " Back of the room, on the ledge." "She must have been sitting right in front of it." " My God." " All right, come on." " It's my turn." " All right." "All right." "All right." " How you gonna find out who this is?" " Good question." "Where's the volume?" "What do the Chinese have to gain by faking a cure for baldness?" "If it was real, they'd never let it out of the country." "Imagine no baldness." "It would be like a nation of supermen." " Hi, boys." " Hello." " Hello." " What's happening?" "Tell her." "I want to hear her reaction." "This woman left this sexy message on Jerry's tape..." "Not that, you idiot!" " What?" " The Chinese!" "The Chinese bald cure!" " Oh, I thought you meant that..." " No, I meant the bald cure." "We were talking about the bald cure!" "What did she say?" "Seinfeld." "Hey, is that Beder?" "I can't believe it." "Get me a cup of decaf." "So did you hear this message?" "Man, it was unbelievable." " Really?" " I can't get over it." "Sexy?" "This woman drove us out of our minds." "Like, how did she sound?" "She had this throaty, sexy kind of whisper." "Really?" "Like..." "Like:" "Jerry I want to slide my tongue around you like a snake." "Oh, my God." "You?" "You?" "That was you!" " How did you...?" " I stopped in the club to see him." "I was standing in the back while he was on." "There was this tape recorder there." "And I got this impulse." " What?" " No, nothing." "Nothing." "Now listen, promise me you won't tell him." "I want to have a little fun with this." "I had no idea you were filled with such sexuality." "Oh, that was nothing." "So listen, what about this bald thing?" "Some bald thing, a bald thing." "I don't know." "It's nothing." " Remember Beder?" " Beder?" "Yeah, you remember Beder." "I told you he went to the track that one time and he was yelling at this jockey." "And the jockey got off the horse and started chasing him." "So listen." "What about this girl on your tape recorder?" "Oh, Elaine." "What do you think an enraptured female fan of mine might say?" "I don't know." "She went on in some detail about certain activities illegal in some states, for consenting adults." "Things you would know very little about." " Oh, really?" " Well this type of thing is very common when you're in show business." "So, what?" "You gonna ask her out?" "No, she didn't leave her name or number." "Bummer." "Okay." "Good luck finding her." "I'm taking off." " Where are you going?" " Home." "What are you going home for?" "I just came from the gym..." " Unless I can shower at your place." " Sure." "Oh, my God." "Oh, man." "I don't get it." "Why would a woman do that and then leave no way to get in touch with her?" "Maybe she realized she couldn't have you and jumped off the George Washington Bridge." "Yes." "Operator." "Beijing." " Why are you doing this?" " Why do I do anything?" "For women." "Elaine, have you ever gone out with a bald man?" " No." " Know what that makes you?" "A baldist." "Oh, this I need." "Hello, is this the hair restoration clinic?" "Yeah, yeah." "Does anyone speak English?" "You're taping." "Just be yourselves." "Oh, okay." "Well, we're talking with Elaine Benes adult film star on the set of her new picture Elaine Does the Upper West Side." "Hi, how you doing?" "Well, I'm doing fine." "Do you speak English?" "English!" "Oh, here's the director, Jerry Seinfeld." "Jerry, you discovered Elaine Benes." "Well, yes I did." "That's true." "Couple of guys I knew in the Coast Guard told me about her." "And I sensed that she had the anger and intensity that I needed to make this film work." "English!" "Does anybody speak English?" "Nobody speaks English." "So, what scene are you getting ready to shoot now, Elaine?" "In this scene, my co-star, who's right over here..." "Follow me." "Is George Costanza." "And he plays an airline pilot who's just returned from Rome." "And I'm about to show him how much I've missed him." "That's my Chinese food." "So, George, is this your first movie with Elaine?" "I don't know." "So, Elaine, in your movies, is the sex real, or is it simulated?" "Oh, it's always simulated except with George." "That's in my contract." "All right, Kramer." "That's enough." "That's enough." "Yeah, hello?" "Yeah, hello?" "English!" "Does anyone speak English?" " How much do I owe you?" " $15.90" " $15.90?" " Excuse me?" " Do you speak Chinese?" " Chinese?" "Yeah." "Oh, look!" "I'm on with Beijing at the hair restoration clinic." "Could you talk to them for me and tell them I'd like to place an order?" "They've got a billion people over there." "He found a relative." "If you send money, they send cream." "They send me." "All right." "Ask them, does it really work?" "They say you grow hair." "Look like Stalin." "Ask them, are there any side effects?" "lmpotence." "Oh, funny." "He's a funny guy, yeah." "Get a money order from the Bank of China." "Be here three days after they get check." "All right, thank you." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "Kind of an expensive call." "Thanks for driving me home." "What did I do to deserve this?" "You do plenty." "So, what are you doing?" "You're..." "You're going in." "Well, yeah." "I guess so." "Why, you want to do something?" "Yeah, I don't..." "I don't know." "What?" "There's really nothing to do." "Yeah, no." "There's..." "There's nothing." "Can you think of anything?" "No, no." "Not really." "I am up for anything." "Really?" "I have to say you were really good doing that porno thing." "You're..." "You're talented." "I was just kidding around." "That thing you said about the sex not being simulated..." "That was really funny." "Yeah, that was fun." "So I'll speak to you through Jerry and everything." "Okay." " Thanks a lot for the ride." " Yeah, anytime." "Thanks a million." "I appreciate this." "You're sure this was the woman at the table where I had my tape recorder?" "Okay, great." "Thanks, again." "Bye." "Who do these women think they're dealing with?" "Did she think she was gonna leave this incredibly erotic message on my tape, and I was just gonna let it go?" "Not bloody likely." "What is that?" " It's my cockney accent." " No, no." "That's no good." "Let's hear yours." "Not bloody likely." "That's the worst cockney accent I ever heard in my life." "Hey, Georgie boy, guess what I got." "Guess what I got." "Oh, is that the bald stuff?" "From China." "All the way from China." "Wait, wait." "Let me get the camera." "No, don't get the camera." "We don't need the camera." "I know you're sceptical, but I believe in the Chinese." "Yes, I am sceptical." "Why do you have to be so suspicious of everyone?" "This is a great man, Zang Zhao." "He wants to help bald people." "Wait, wait." "Let's videotape your head for the before picture." "So we can watch how it grows and stuff." " Here, sit down." " All right." "All right, lean back." "A little bit to the right." "Now make sure you get this area here." " That's where he needs help." " All right." "Well, he's a happy camper, huh?" "Happy camper." "Yeah, I don't hear that expression enough." "Remember that guy who took my jacket?" "The one I found at my mother's house?" " Yeah." " My mother told me that he got arrested for mail fraud." " No kidding." " Yeah, he's in jail." "What about the jacket?" "He take it with him?" "That's what I intend to find out." "Well, you can see it." "Are you gonna walk around like that?" "And it stinks." "Can you smell that?" "You stink." "How long are you supposed to leave it on for?" "All day." " Hello?" " Hello, it's Elaine Marie Benes." " Well, hello." " Hello." "Did you find out who that woman was?" "Yes, I got her number." " Hey, is that Elaine?" " Yeah." "Hi, Elaine!" "So I guess you figure you're in for a pretty wild night." "Well, as I said this type of thing is very common in show business." "Well, listen, I'm at Arlene's." "You want me to stop by?" " Sure." " Okay, bye." "Bye." " Did she say "hello"?" " What?" "Oh, I don't know." "What do you mean?" "She heard me say hello." "Did she say hello back?" "I don't know." "Who keeps track of hellos?" "Isn't it polite to say hello when somebody says hello?" "She's coming up." " Elaine's coming up?" " Yeah, why?" "What's wrong?" " Where are you going?" " Nowhere, nowhere." "I'll be right out." "How often do you cut your toenails?" "I would say every two and a half to eight weeks." "Because the other night I was sleeping with Marion and I rolled over, and I cut her ankle with my big toe." "The big toe, the captain." " What?" " The captain of the toes." " Hello?" " Jerry?" " Yeah." " Jerry, listen." "I got too much to do." "I can't come over." "Forget it." "Oh, okay, too bad." "So when are you gonna call her?" "As soon as I get off the phone with you." " Good luck." " Okay." " Bye." " Bye." " What happened?" "You took it off?" " Yeah." "That was enough." "That's it?" "You gave up?" "No, I'm working on a system." "Who was that?" "That was Elaine." "She changed her mind." "She's not coming over." " Hello?" " Hello, is this Alisha?" " Yes." " This is Jerry Seinfeld." " So?" " I don't get this woman." "We're having a great time, couple of laughs." "Everything's nice." "End of the night, I go in for contact." "I get the pullback." "This woman, she said the filthiest things I ever heard in my life." "And I get the pullback." " Yeah?" " It's George." "Come on up." "What is he doing here now?" "So you blew it?" "She must be psychotic or something." "Let me have the number." "I'm not giving you the number." "I know how to handle these psychotics." "Sheriff." "What's with the hat?" "Boy, you stink." " What are you doing here now?" " I have to talk to you." "Let's take a look here, see what we got." "Wait a second." "I think I see something here, George." " Let's go to the videotape." " Oh, Kramer." "No, no." " What's up?" " I can't tell you now." " He'll be back in 10 seconds." " Start it." " I can't." " Oh, come on." "He'll be over there for a half-hour." "He gets lost over there." " Come on." "What is this about?" " All right." "I've become attracted to Elaine." "All right." " Sit down." " Could we do this later?" "No, I got the tape right here." "Kramer, let's do this later." "Okay, now..." "This is the tape that we made earlier." "And I think that I see a couple of buds right here." " Really?" "You think?" " Yeah." "Kramer, I would like to talk to George for a minute, please." " About what?" " It's kind of private." "Like the big toe captain?" "What?" " Oh, so you're doing my bit?" " I'm not doing the bit!" "All right." "Okay, all right." "I'm gonna take a look at this, huh?" " Does she know?" " No." " How did it happen?" " I can't say." " Well, why can't you say?" " Because I promised her." " I thought you said she doesn't know." " She doesn't." " So how can you promise her?" " Because she asked me to." "What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?" "All right, you really want to know?" "It all started when she told me that she was the voice on your tape recorder." "What?" "Elaine?" "Yeah." "She made me promise not to tell." "It was supposed to be a joke." " That was Elaine?" " Yeah, let me hear." " Wait a second!" "Give me a second..." " You heard it 50 times already..." "She's my ex-girlfriend." "I think I have precedence." " Yeah?" " Hi, it's Elaine." "Is this a bad time?" "Yeah." "Don't tell her I told you!" "She'll kill me!" "Okay, I promise!" "Oh, man." "Oh, God." "Oh, brother." " What's the matter?" " I got a pain in my side from, you know..." " Hi, George." "Hi, how you doing?" "Something stinks in here." "What are you doing here?" "I was the one who talked into your tape recorder." "I know." "George told me." " You told him?" " He threatened me." "Where did you come up with all that stuff?" " Oh, that was nothing." " Elaine..." " I have to tell you something." " George, no." " No, no." " George, I'm telling you..." "What is it?" "I'm very attracted to you." "I found a hair!" "Yes!" "Okay, come here." "Come here." "Take a look at this." "Ever since I found out that you left the message on Jerry's tape recorder..." " That was you?" " It was a joke." "Wait." "Oh, my God." "Oh, yeah." "Elaine, I can't believe that that is you." "I think I'll get going." "Stick around a while." " It's early." " We'll order Chinese." "Give me the tape." "Give me the tape." "A woman left a message on my phone machine with kind of a breathy voice." "No matter what a woman says, if it's in that breathy voice, you know..." ""You have cancer."" ""Really?"" "Sounds pretty good." "The stewardess could lean over and whisper in my ear:" ""Would you put on your seat belt." "We're about to go into a mountain."" "I'd go, " Really, so what are you doing later by the ruptured remains of the fuselage?" "How about some peanuts over by the black box?" "I'll meet you there."" "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "Give me an explanation why the pharmacist has to be two and a half feet up above everybody else." "What the hell is he doing he can't be on the floor with you and me?" "Brain surgeons, airline pilots, nuclear physicists, we're on the same level." "Oh, no, he's gotta be two and a half feet up." ""Look out, everybody, I'm working with pills." "Spread out, give me some room."" "The only hard part of his whole job that I could see is typing everything onto that little, tiny label." "And has to try and get all the words on there keep the little piece of paper in the roller of the typewriter." "Oh, no." "He's gotta be two and a half feet up." ""Yeah, I'd like to get this prescription filled."" ""All right." "You wait down there." "Only I'm allowed up here."" " Where'd you meet her?" " I met her on an elevator." "On an elevator?" "You met a woman on an elevator?" " Impossible, right?" " You got less than 60 seconds." "That's like dismantling a time bomb." " What got into you?" " I don't know." "She was so beautiful it was a pure reflex." "The words just came out of my mouth." " Wow." "What did you say?" "You know, I'm the one responsible for those crop circles in England." " Can you believe I did that?" " What did she say?" "What crop circles?" " Not a good sign." " Not everybody knows what the crop circles are." "You know what the crop circles are?" "Crop circles?" "Why don't you buy something?" "You got something in your teeth." " What?" " It's green." "Oh, man, spinach." "I've been walking around like this all afternoon." " You bump into anybody you knew?" " I had a job interview." " How did it go?" " Take a guess." "Well, Mr. Costanza, we have nothing available at the present time but should anything open up, we'll be in touch." "Okay, thanks." "You don't need a job." "You got Audrey." "Yeah." "Right." " What's the matter?" " No." "Nothing." " What?" " You won't think I'm a bad person?" "Too late for that." "Because, believe me, I would only say this to you and maybe a psychiatrist." "What is it?" "Well..." "Her nose is a little big." "Yeah, she's got a big nose." "I mean, big would even be okay." "It's beyond big." "It's a schnoz." "I'm aware that my own physical dimensions are a little short of perfection." " A little." "Who am I to be thinking about someone's nose?" "I should be grateful someone like her looks at me." "I have no job, nothing." "But I have to say, I think about the nose." "I don't wanna think about it, I don't ask to think about it, but I think about it." "I go to bed, I tell myself, " Don't think about the nose." I think about it." "I look at her, I see the nose." "Stop being so concerned with looks." " Have you said anything to her?" " No." "Could never do that." "The ironic thing is, if she had a smaller nose I never could've dated her." "She'd be out of my league with a smaller nose." "And I really like her." "I know that." "And I know one other thing:" "I'm not getting past that nose." "All right, shut up." "Here they come." "How can I not think about it?" "Look at the size of this thing." "My mother's going out with this guy who leaves a jacket in her house." "She gives to me." "Well, two years later, he shows up and takes it back." "Now he's in prison." "Got arrested for mail fraud." "So, Elaine, go over to the apartment, tell the landlord you're his daughter and you wanna bring him the jacket." "Won't the landlord know I'm not the daughter?" "No, he's never met her." "She's in California." " Are you coming with me?" " Yeah, I have to." "I'm your fiancé." "Peter Von Nostrand." "Why don't you just commit yourself already?" "What is so special about this jacket?" " No, you don't wanna know." " God..." "He believes it possesses some extraordinary power over women." "What's that splotch on your hand?" "I got stamped at the reggae lounge last night." "I'm going back there tonight." "I'm not gonna pay another cover charge." "You didn't wash all day?" "Yeah, I washed." "Just not the hand." "You wouldn't believe the women at this club." "Man." "It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York." "I actually find it kind of intimidating." "You're as pretty as any of them." "Just need a nose job." " Kramer!" " What?" "What?" "How could you say something like that?" "What do you mean?" "I just said she needs a nose job." "No, no." "There's nothing wrong with her nose." " God, I'm so sorry, Audrey." " Oh, it's okay." " What did you have to say that for?" " I was just trying to help out." "Yeah, well, you can kiss that jacket goodbye, Mr. Von Nausen." "You see what happens when you try to be nice?" "But what would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking all the time, whenever it came to them?" "How long would a blind date last?" "About 13 seconds, I think." ""Sorry, your rear end is too big." "Okay, your breath stinks."" ""See you later." "No problem." "Goodbye." "Okay, thank you very much."" "Elaine said I can stay with her another month till Tina gets back." "What are you thinking about?" "Thinking?" "Nothing." "What could I possibly be thinking?" "You look like you've got something on your mind." "Yeah, right." "I wish I had something on my mind." "So how about that Kramer?" "Yeah, how about him?" " The way he just says stuff." " He sure does." "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, he's quite a character." "So, what did you think?" "About the pizza?" "No." "About the nose job." "Oh, the nose job." "Yeah..." "I don't know. I..." " Well, what did you think?" " Well, I've thought about it but I don't know." " Yeah." "You know, not that I care one way or the other but these doctors today do amazing things." "If you were so inclined." " And again, I'm not suggesting." " I know." "They're good." "Peter Jennings had one." " Really?" " Probably." "They all do." "In my high school, half my graduating class had them." "Of course, I'm from Long Island, so..." "It's really nothing." "It's like going to the dentist." " I hate the dentist." " It's a cleaning." "So you really think I should do this." "If it makes you happy." "I don't focus on these things." "I will tell you this, though." "Unfortunately we live in a very superficial society." "I don't condone it but it's a fact of life." "Well, maybe I should." " What the hell?" " Now you talked her into a nose job?" " Me?" "I didn't say anything." " You encouraged her to get one." " I didn't encourage." "No encourage." " "Peter Jennings had one"?" "It's possible." " You should accept her for who she is." " No, George is right." " I wanna get one." " I think it's a mistake." "Me too." "Really." "Unless you'd really like one, then..." "I'm going straight to hell." "No two ways about it." "It might not be hell, but you're gonna run into bad dudes." "Get the check." "She takes the bandages off at 4:00." "We have time." "It's exciting." "She's gonna have a new face." " It is exciting." " Not as exciting as Miss Crop Circles." "Please, please." "Isabel?" "She is the most despicable woman I have ever met in my life." "I have never been so repulsed by someone mentally and so attracted to them physically at the same time." "It's like my brain is facing my penis in a chess game." "And I'm letting him win." "You're not letting him win." "He wins till you're 40." " Then what?" " He still wins, but it's not a blowout." "She wants to be an actress." "She makes me read these moronic acting scenes with her, and I do it." "Because I'm so addicted to the sex, I'm helpless." "I'll do anything." "So, finally, Kramer comes in the other day." "I don't want to see this woman anymore but I haven't got the willpower to throw out her number." "Please help me." "Help me." "I'm proud of you." "So I'm never gonna see her again." "I'm going cold turkey." "Good for you." "I'll tell you, the sex..." "I was like an animal." "I mean, it was just completely uninhibited." "It's like going to the bathroom in front of a lot of people, and not caring." "It's not like that at all." "How do you even know the jacket is there?" "Well, I don't." "I'm guessing." "Okay, look, Audrey, before you take the bandage off just remember, I was the one that encouraged you to do this." "Now that you're gonna be a great beauty, let's not forget how this began." " lf you listened to your friend Elaine..." " George." " Yeah?" " Enough." " Right, enough." " Are we ready?" "Come on, let's get this show on the road." " You sure you want us here for this?" " Yes." " Shouldn't a doctor do it?" " No, he said I could do it." "Okay, here goes." "This is very exciting." "Very exciting." "It's like watching a birth." "It looks good." " Great job." " You got butchered." "Head hurt." "No, I'm good." "I'm fine." "Let's put him over here." " Where are you going?" " To that doctor." "Wait, wait, wait!" "I'll go with you." "How you feeling?" "Too much salt in my diet." " Can I get you anything?" " I'm good." "You sure?" "Anything." "No." "Boy, it really didn't come out too well, did it?" "No, it didn't." "No, it didn't." "It's, like, all dented." "Seems to be." "Well, I'm sure they'll be able to fix it." "You can't stop modern science." "Can't stop it." "Can't stop science." "Can't be stopped." "No way, no how." "Science just marches..." "Shut up, George." " Shut up?" " Yeah." "Interesting." "Come on, Kramer." "Seriously, give me her number!" " I threw it out." " You're lying." " You've got it." "I want the number." " I threw it out." " Give it to me." " You said not to." " You made me promise." " I changed my mind." "I want it." "You said no matter what, I'm not to give it to you." " I was lying." "Give it to me." " You told me not to." " I want the number!" " All right!" "You want it?" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah." "Yeah, look at you." "Look at what you've sunk to." "Look at what you've become." "Look in the mirror, because you need help, Jerry." "You need help." "Because I can't stand by and do it anymore." "It's turning my stomach." "I can't stand around here watching you destroy yourself!" "It's eating me up inside!" "The doctor said they need to build the lateral wall of the septum." "Over here." "Yeah." " You see this paranasal sinus cavity?" " Oh, I got it." "See how it's collapsed?" "That's what's causing this huge dent." "Yeah." "Rough, rough." "So anyway, you know what I was thinking about?" "What?" "Remember we talked about taking a trip together?" " We did?" " We talked about going to Hawaii." " Hawaii?" " Anyway, I think it would be great to get away after all this." "Well, you..." "You know, Hawaii could be a little tricky now." "There's high-pressure winds down there this time of year." "There's a lot of debris constantly flying around, a lot of wood and lava." "It could be dangerous." " I never heard that." " Oh, yeah." "My friend lived there, so..." "We could go to the Caribbean." "I have to tell you something." "You couldn't get me on a plane now." "I get those FAA reports directly." "My uncle sends them to me." "He used to be a pilot, so..." "Big investigation in the..." "What's the word there?" "Offing." "It's in the offing." "But you shouldn't let that stop you from going." "You could go." "I don't mind." " George?" " Yeah." "I don't think this is working." "Ever since you came back from the Army, you've changed." "I swear, Nelson, I don't even know who you are anymore." "I'm Nelson." " That's not the line, Jerry." " All right, all right, I'm sorry." "Nothing's changed, Elma." "I just need more time." "I swear, Nelson, sometimes at night when you're not around I just go crazy thinking about you." "Well, you just need to relax." "Maybe a hobby." "Bowling is fun." "Yeah, bowling's good, if you're really gross and ugly." "Uh-oh." "My organs are playing chess again." "I'm getting tired of this." "What do you say we play one for all the marbles?" "Oh, brain, what are you doing?" "You cannot beat me." "Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?" "Forget about it." "I can't take her anymore." " I hate reading her little acting scenes." " Oh, so what?" "So you read from a little play." "You can't put up with that for an hour to make me happy?" "You're so selfish." "Give me one hour." "Then I will take over." "You won't have to think for the rest of the night." "What about tomorrow morning?" "Do you have any idea what that's like for me?" "Do you care?" "No, you don't care." "So long as you get to do whatever it is you do." " You disgust me." " Oh, go read a book." "Enough chatter." "Let's play." "I'm only doing this because you took Audrey to the hospital." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Okay, now, you're clear?" "You got everything?" " Yeah." " Wait, wait, wait." "Here." " What do I need this for?" " Because we're engaged." "We're engaged?" "Kramer, this is too big." " It's my mom's." " Hello!" "Oh, hi." "I'm Wanda Pepper." "I'm Albert Pepper's daughter." "My father asked me to pick up his jacket for him." "Hello, Miss Pepper." "It's a pleasure to meet you." "And you must be Professor Von Nostrand." "Yes." "Yes, I am." "I've read your book, professor, and I was quite intrigued by it." " Yes, well, it's very intriguing." " Tell me is it your contention that Shakespeare was an impostor?" " My contention?" " Your contention." " Well, yes, that's my contention." " I heard him contend that." "It's too bad about your father." " It was a frame-up." " A fine man." "He spoke often of you." "He's very proud of the work you're doing." " We're all proud of the work I'm doing." " Yes, she does fine work." "Your father gave me strict orders not to turn the jacket over to anyone but I suppose I can make an exception in your case." " The closet's this way." " How kind of you." "You know, your father has a very extensive wardrobe." "Yes." "What's the matter, fella?" "You look a little tired." "Nelson, don't you see?" "You are a part of me." "And I..." "I am a part of you." "She's killing me." "That's your move?" " Yeah." " Well, that's trouble, my friend." "That's big trouble." "Checkmate." "Getting weak." "Losing power." "You haven't seen the last of me." "I'll be back." "You're nothing without me." "Nothing." "Little punk." "Isabel, I don't think this is working." "Daddy certainly does have an extensive wardrobe." "He is a fine dresser." "I don't have to tell you he's quite popular with the ladies." "My father?" "Really?" "I had no idea." "They're crazy about him." "One in particular came around about two years ago." "Looked a lot like you, professor." "Could have been your mother." "What was her name again?" "Carter?" "Kramer." "That's it." "Babs Kramer." "Nasty woman." "Many a night I had to throw her on the street drunken stumblebum." " You don't say." " I found it!" " She walked around here half-naked sucking Colt 45 from a can." "Her big, fat stomach hanging out, orthopaedic hose up to her knees screaming down the hall:" ""Come back to bed, Albert, you big hairy ape!" "And bring back that box of Danish!"" " So I grabbed the guy by the collar." " Yeah, and I yelled out:" ""Kramer, Kramer, you're killing him."" " So I assume the jig was up." " Yeah, pretty much." "But look." "Yes." " Hi." "Here are your keys." " Hi." "Thank you." " Hello." " Audrey." "My God, you look incredible." "I can't believe it." "Well, it was his doctor." "He was wonderful." "So will I see you later tonight?" "Not sure." "Well, I'll check you guys out later." " Ready?" " I didn't wash." "Neither did I." "We're off to the reggae lounge." "My nose, my nose." "My kingdom for a nose." "Isn't she beautiful?" "Her nose is in such perfect proportions to the rest of her face." "She's breathtaking." " Who would have thought, she's...?" " Elaine shut up." "The technical term for a nose job is...?" " Rhinoplasty." " Rhinoplasty." "Rhino." "Okay?" "Do we really need to insult the person at this moment of their lives?" "They know they have a big nose." "That's why they're coming in." "Do they really need the abuse of being compared to a rhinoceros on top of everything else?" "When someone has a hair transplant, they don't go:" ""We're going to perform a cue ball-ectomy on you, Mr. Johnson." "We're going to attempt to remove the skinheadia of your chromedomus, which is what we..." "The technical term..."" "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "It seems the way they design the car alarms is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous, hysterical person." "Anyone goes near it, anyone disturbs it, it's:" "Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy." "Not everyone wants to draw that much attention to themselves." "Wouldn't it be nice to have a car alarm that was more subtle?" "Maybe just, you know, somebody tries to break in, and it goes:" ""Excuse me?"" "I would like a car alarm like that." "Do you believe this?" "Car was parked right out front." " Was the alarm on?" " I don't know." "I guess it was on." "I don't know my alarm sound." "I'm not tuned into it like it's my son." "I don't understand." "How do these thieves start the car?" " They cross the wires or something." " Cross the wires?" "I can't even make a pot of spaghetti." " Hey." " They stole my car." " Who did?" " They did." "Was it more than just one?" "What should I do?" "Call the police?" "What are they gonna do?" "You know, I'd better call the car-phone company, cancel my service." "Maybe you should call your car phone." "Yeah." "He's probably driving it right now." "Wait a minute." "Call the car phone." "See what happens." " Are you serious?" " Yeah, go ahead." "Call." "I don't even know if I remember the number." "What do I say if he picks up?" " Hello." " Hello." " Is this 555-8383?" " I have no idea." " Can I ask you a question?" " Sure." " Did you steal my car?" " Yes, I did." " You did?" " I did." " But that's my car." " I didn't know it was yours." " What are you gonna do with it?" " I don't know." "Drive around." " Then can I have it back?" " No, I'm gonna k eep it." "Let me talk to him." "Give it, give it, give it." " Hello." " Yeah, who's this?" " Kramer." " Hello, Kramer." "Listen, there's a pair of gloves in the glove compartment." "Wait, hold it." " Brown ones?" " Yeah." "Could you mail those to me?" "Or bring them by my building." " It's 129 West 81 st Street." " 129..." "Okay." "All right, thanks a lot." "Here's Jerry." "Gloves." " Hello." " Jerry." "Yeah." "Let me ask you a question." "How do you cross those wires?" "I didn't cross any wires." "The k eys were in it." "Sid left the keys in the car." "All right, I gotta go." "Drive carefully." "Hey, Jerry, when's the last time you had a tune-up?" "Because I can't find..." " Sid left the keys in the car." " Who's Sid?" "Guy in the neighbourhood." "He parks cars on the block." " What do you mean?" " He moves them from side to side so you don't get a ticket." " You pay him for that?" " Yeah." "Like 50 bucks a month." " How many people does he do it for?" " The whole block, 40, 50 cars." " He only works three hours a day." "He makes a fortune." "He's been doing that for years, right, Jerry?" "Could anybody do that?" " Hey, Sid." "What happened?" " I'm sorry, Jerry." "Maybe I'm too old for this stuff." "You left the keys in the car?" "Well, they're making that Woody Allen movie on the block and all those people and trucks everywhere and when I saw him, I must've been distracted." " You know I'm in that movie." " You're what?" " Yeah, I'm an extra." " How'd you get that?" "Well, I was just watching them film yesterday, and some guy asked me." " Right out of the clear blue sky?" " Clear blue sky." " Why didn't they ask me?" " I got a quality." " Hey, Jerry, you got insurance, right?" " Yeah, but no car." "I'll have to rent one." "I'm going to visit my sister in Virginia next Wednesday for a week, so I can't park it." " This Wednesday?" " No, next Wednesday." "Week after this Wednesday." "But the Wednesday two days from now is the next Wednesday." "If I meant this Wednesday, I would've said this Wednesday." "It's the week after this Wednesday." "Sid, who's gonna move the cars while you're away?" "Whoever wants to move them." "What do I care who moves them?" "They can move themselves if they want." "Maybe I could move them until you get back." "What's a young man like you want to move cars for?" "You don't work?" "I'm in a transition phase right now." "Well, if you want to move the cars, move the cars." " Just don't forget to take the keys out." " All right." "Hello." "Yeah, the defroster's the one on the bottom." "Just slide it all the way over." "You're welcome." "I'm in awe of his intellect." "When he talks, it sounds like he's reading from one of his novels." " Owen March." "I never heard of him." " Well, he's not a baseball player." " Yeah, that's true." " It sounds like it's going pretty good." " Yeah." "Well, there is one little problem." " What's that?" " He's 66 years old." "Next, please." "Go." "Go." "She..." "Go." "Come on." "Can I help you?" "Name, please." "Seinfeld." "I made a reservation for a midsize, and she's a small." " I'm kidding around, of course." " Yes." "Okay, let's see here." " Sixty-six years old?" " Yeah, well, he's in perfect health." "He works out." "He's vibrant." "You'd really like him." "Why do people always say that?" "I hate everybody." "Why would I like him?" "Could you go out with a 66-year-old woman?" "Well, I'll tell you, she would have to be really vibrant." "So vibrant she'd be spinning." "I'm sorry." "We have no midsize available at the moment." "I made a reservation." "Do you have my reservation?" "Yes, we do." "Unfortunately, we ran out of cars." "But the reservation keeps the car here." "That's why you have the reservation." " I know why we have reservations." " I don't think you do." "If you did, I'd have a car." "See, you know how to take the reservation." "You just don't know how to hold the reservation." "And that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding." "Anybody can just take them." "Let me speak with my supervisor." "Well, here we go." "The supervisor." " Know what she's saying over there?" " What?" ""Hey, Marge, see those two people?" "They think I'm talking to you." "So you pretend like you're talking to me." "Okay, now you start talking."" ""You mean like this?" "So it looks like I'm saying something, but I'm not."" ""Say something else, and they won't yell at me because they thought I was checking with you."" ""Okay, I think that's enough." "See you later."" "I'm sorry." "My supervisor says there's nothing we can do." "Yeah, it looked like you were in a real conversation over there." "Well, we do have a compact if you would like that." " Fine." " All right." "Well, we have a blue Ford Escort for you, Mr. Seinfeld." " Would you like insurance?" " Yeah, give me the insurance because I am gonna beat the hell out of this thing." "Please fill this out." "Do you think I'm making a big mistake?" "If you enjoy being with him, that's what's important." "I love being with him." "I mean, I like being with him." "It's okay being with him." " I just don't enjoy being with him." " Well, that's what important." "I'm meeting him for lunch at Chadway's." "Do I have to break up face to face, or can I just do it over the phone?" " How many times have you been out?" " Seven." "Face to face." "Seven dates is a face-to-face breakup?" "If it was six, I could've let you go." "But seven, I'm afraid, is over the limit." "Unless, of course, there was no sex." "How's the pasta over there?" "What is going on out there?" "I need a bucket of water." "I got a car overheating." "I got an alarm that won't go off." "I'm pressing one." "I'm pressing two." "Nothing." "What do I do?" "Help me." "Help me." "They were supposed to do my scene today." " Today?" " Yeah." "They said they wanted me to walk down the block carrying this bag of groceries." "So I start to walk, and I trip." "And the grocery bag goes flying and Woody starts laughing." " He was laughing?" "Oh, yeah." "He was drinking something." "It started to come out of his nose." " So then what?" " Well, I got a line in the movie!" " Get out!" " That's great." "You got a line in a Woody Allen movie?" " Pretty good, huh?" " You're in the movie?" " Is he in the scene?" " Yeah, it's me and him." "I might have a new career on my hands, huh?" "You mean "a career."" " So was Mia Farrow there?" " I didn't see him." " What's your line?" " Well, okay, I'm there with Woody you know." "I'm at this bar, and, you know, it's Woody Allen." " Did I mention that?" " We got it." "We got it." "And I'm sitting there with Woody, and I turn to him and I go:" "Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty." " Is that how you're gonna say it?" " No, no." "I'm working on it." "Do it like this." " These pretzels are making me thirsty." " No." " These pretzels are making me thirsty." " No, no." "See, that's no good." "You don't know how to act." "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" " That was no good?" " I didn't say anything." "All right, I'm gonna go break up with Owen." "What was wrong with that?" "I had a different interpretation." "Do you know anything about this pretzel guy?" "Maybe he's been in the bar a long time and he's really depressed because he has no job, and no woman and he's parking cars for a living!" "All right!" "All right!" "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "I hear you!" "I'm coming down!" "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" "Yeah!" "Oh, my God." "Call an ambulance." "Boy, he took it hard." "We were walking down the block I was about to break up with him, then he started to twitch." "Yes, I need an ambulance at 129 West 81 st Street, Apartment 5A." " Tell them to hurry." "Hurry!" " It's an ambulance." "I don't know, but he's unconscious." "These pretzels are making me thirsty." "These pretzels are making me thirsty." " Kramer." " What happened here?" "I don't know." "What should we do?" "We called an ambulance." " Anyone know first aid?" " Do something with the extremities." " What extremities?" " What's an extremity?" "You raise the feet, get blood to the head." "You raise the head, get blood to the feet." "Okay, what about a cold compress?" "They always do that." " I don't have a washcloth." " Use a paper towel." " You can't put that on his head." " What about a big sponge?" " How you gonna hold it on there?" " Use a belt." "No, no, no." "That'll..." "It'll drip all over him." " Should we walk him around?" " I've seen them do that." " That's for a drug overdose." " Maybe that's what he's got." "No, I just had lunch with him." "He didn't leave the table." "Well, he could've dropped acid when you weren't looking." "He is not a drug addict." "Maybe he's diabetic." "He might just need a cookie or something." " A cookie!" " Can you give him a cookie?" " How's he gonna chew it?" " Move his teeth." "Worked for my uncle." "The sugar revived him." "Careful, you're getting crumbs all over him." "I've got him chewing, but I don't think he's gonna swallow." "Let's put a few cookies in a blender and he could drink it." " Cookies don't liquefy." " They do." "You can liquefy a cookie." " I'll get the blender." " I don't have a blender." " You've got a blender." " I'd know if I had a blender." "Where is the ambulance?" "!" "Hello, yes." "I called for an ambulance like 35 minutes ago." "I can't believe what's going on out here." "This is an emergency." "What's taking so long?" "Wait a second." "Maybe that's them." " Hello." " Paramedics." "Come on up." "Okay, they're here." "He seems to be breathing." "You know, I've got to tell you, he's a pretty good-looking guy." "I know." "Those eyebrows could use a trimming." "You ever mention that?" "Almost." "I mean, because, come on, they're running wild there." " It's not an easy thing to bring up." " Yeah, that's true." "You should see his bathrobe, man." "It's all silk." "Yeah." "Does he wear slippers." "I bet he wears slippers." " He does." "How'd you know that?" " I could tell." "What happened?" "What took you so long?" "We got here 20 minutes ago, but we couldn't move." "The intersection is gridlocked." "I've never seen anything like it." "Finally we make the turn, and this guy who was triple-parking cars slammed into us with a blue Escort." " Blue Escort?" " That's my rent-a-car!" " Oh, man." "What happened to the car?" "I'm sorry." "You don't know what's going on out there!" "Who's he?" " This guy I'm seeing." " What happened?" " We don't know." " Who put cookies in his mouth?" " Cookies?" " You're not supposed to do that." " So how'd you hit the car?" " I was moving it across the street." "I looked up and I saw Woody Allen." "I got all distracted." " It's not even my car." "It's a rental." " What are you doing out there?" "You're holding up the production of the movie." "We can't shoot, and Woody, he's really mad at you." "Woody mentioned me?" "What did he say?" "He said, "Who's the moron who's got the street all screwed up?"" "Should I apologize to Woody?" "All right, I'll tell you what." "Next time I talk to him, maybe I'll bring it up." "I'll feel him out." "What do you think first aid was like hundreds of years ago?" "I mean, they had no medicine, no drugs no technology, no equipment." "Basically, they were there first." "That was it." "That was the whole first aid." "They sit with you." "That's all they could do." ""Can you help me?"" ""No, we can't help you, but we were the first ones here." "Did you see our truck?" "'First aid.' That's our motto." "We show up before anybody."" "You didn't say you didn't know how to drive." " Should've mentioned that." " Well, I know how to drive." "Then how did all those cars get damaged?" "Why are people calling me up, screaming on the phone?" " Most of them cancelled out on me." " Can I get anybody anything?" "Moving cars from one side to the other don't take no more sense than putting on a pair of pants." "My question to you is:" "Who's putting your pants on?" " I put my pants on, Sid." " I don't believe you." "You can put your pants on, you can move cars." "I don't want to get into a big dispute about the pants." "Who's gonna send money to my sister in Virginia?" "Her little boy needs surgery on his foot." "He'll be walking around with a limp, because you can't park a few cars." "Maybe I could call my father." " Hey, you seen the paper yet?" " Interestingly enough, no inasmuch as it is my paper." "There's an article on that writer." ""Owen March, prominent author and essayist, suffered a stroke yesterday in the Upper West Side apartment of a friend."" "That's the guy that was here." "You're the friend." "Thanks. "The extent of the damage would've been far less severe had paramedics been able to reach him sooner."" " Oh, Lord." " "The commotion also delayed production of a Woody Allen movie that was shooting up the block." "A spokeswoman for the legendary filmmaker said that Mr. Allen was extremely agitated and wondered if his days of shooting movies in New York were over."" "Five seconds." "Jerry, I was five seconds away from breaking up with him." "Five seconds!" "The next words out of my mouth were, "Owen, it's over."" " Can he communicate?" " Yeah." "Well, he nods." "And I think he understands me." "He seems to enjoy it when I read to him." "All right, she's free." "Hi, I called before." "My car got smashed." "So listen." "What should I do?" "If I break up with him now it'll look like I'm abandoning him." "I'll be ostracized from the community." "What community?" "There's a community?" "Of course there's a community." "All these years, I'm living in a community, I had no idea." "Sir, the estimate on the damage to your car is $2866." " I got the insurance and everything..." " Yes, now, in your report you said you weren't the driver at the time of the accident." "Somebody else was driving it." "All right, well, sir, you're only covered for when you're driving the car." "What's that?" " You're not covered for other drivers." " Other drivers?" "Your whole business is based on other drivers." "It's a rented car." "That's who's driving it." "Other drivers." "Doesn't my credit card cover me?" " Not that particular one." " I got a hundred cards." "Here, here." "Pick a card." "Take any card you want." "Go ahead." "Whichever one." "I don't care." " lf you had read the rental agreement..." " Did you see the size of that document?" "It's like the Declaration of Independence." "Who's gonna read that?" "Mr. Seinfeld, as it stands right now, you are not covered for that damage and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about that." "These pretzels are making me thirsty." "It's good, isn't it?" "Yankee bean." "Why Yankee bean, huh?" "Don't they have beans in the South?" "I mean, if you order Yankee bean in the South, are they offended?" "Yank ee bean." "Yank ee bean." "I lik e my Yank ee bean." "Owen I think we have to talk." "I mean, I have to talk." "It would be nice if we could, but, you know, whatever." "Don't get me wrong." "I like coming here and feeding you and cleaning a little, and paying your bills." "I mean, that's good stuff." "Good stuff." "I have a wonderful time when I'm with you." "Wonderful!" "But at this point in my life, I'm not really sure that I'm ready to make a commitment to one person." "I'm just not really sure that we have enough in common." "I mean, for example:" "I like running in the park bicycling roller-skating, tennis and skiing..." "And, well..." "I'm gonna be brutally honest with you now." "It's a bitch to get here." "It's two subways." "I have to transfer at 42nd Street to take the double-R." "Anyway, I mean, this doesn't mean we can't be friends." "These pretzels are making me thirsty." "Can you die from an odour?" "I mean, if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks could you die from the odour?" " An overdose of odour." "Good question." "Do I smell?" "No, no, no." "I was just down at the 42nd Street subway today." "It is disgusting." "Guess who I bumped into?" "Owen." " He's all right?" " Yeah, he's almost fully recovered." "Told me he was just using me for sex." " Let me get that." " I got it." " Please." " Let me." "I smashed your car." "It cost you over $2000." "Yeah, a cup of coffee should cover it." " Oh, man." " What are you doing here?" "I got fired from the movie." " Get out of here." "What?" " What?" "Well, you know, they were going to shoot it today." "We rehearsed it twice, and then Woody yells, "Action."" "I turn to him and I say:" ""These pretzels are making me thirsty."" " Right." " Then I took a swig of beer and I slammed the glass down on the bar, and it shattered." "Well, one of the pieces must've hit Woody and he started crying." "And he yells out, "I'm bleeding," and he runs off." "Anyway, this woman, she came up to me, and she says, "You're fired."" "Boy, I really nailed that scene." "Oh, wait a..." "Oh, for crying out loud." "The best part of a relationship is when you're sick." "The best part of being sick is when you're in a relationship." "But if I got married, you know those vows for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse." "All I need is the sickness." "That is the most important one." ""Do you take this man in sickness?"" "That's the time I need somebody there." "The rest of the time, go out, have a ball." "But if I get the sniffles, you better be there." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group"