"* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear this same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang, m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at The Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at The Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Saucy flappers in cloche hats" "* Natty chappies in white spats" "* The upper set is going bats *" "You rang, m'lord?" "I reckon that was the best meal I've ever had." "Oh, the salmon just melted in the mouth." "And as for that beef..." "What was it called?" "Beef en croute." "That's French for pastry." "I tell you what, Mr Stokes." "This Montrachet is a bit on the sour side." "If you paid for it, Constable Wilson, you'd be entitled to criticise." "The constable's quite right, though." "It was a bit sour." "We'll try another bottle to make sure the case isn't off." "Mabel, go to the cellar and get another bottle like this, second rack on the right." "Yes, Mr Stokes." "How much is this in the shops?" "15 shillings." "Oh, how awful." "It takes me nearly a week to earn that." "Blimey, there's a day's wages left in the bottle." "Quite right." "It is sour." "Well, I must be getting on with the sandwiches for Miss Cissy's meeting." "Mabel's a coarse 'un, isn't she?" "lsn't it nice of her to stay behind and wait on us?" "She doesn't do it for nothing, Ivy." "Mr Stokes pays her threepence an hour from his lordship's money." "He can afford it." "How much do you think it's costing him to go to the ballet?" "Oh, yes, it's ever so expensive." "Only the nobs can go." "I don't think I'd fancy it." "It's all dancing, isn't it?" "And if they don't speak, how do you know what the story is?" "And they dance on the very tips of their toes." "I reckon it's not natural." "Why don't they just get taller girls?" "Don't be a moron, Henry." "It's art." "That's why the seats are so expensive." "Working class wouldn't understand it anyway." "They don't get much chance if they can't afford to go." "It's not just a question of money." "If you stood a navvy in front of the Taj Mahal, what do you think he'd say?" "How did I get here?" "(* Orchestra playing)" "(Snoring)" "Oh." "George." "I can't stand it." "Well, just close your eyes and listen to the music." "No." "I can't stand sitting next to you." "Smelling your perfume and not being able to touch you." "Oh, George." "I don't mind telling you, if the others weren't here, I'd tear your clothes off and make love to you here on the floor." "Oh, George." "How exciting." "And with an 80-piece orchestra." "And we're just coming to the quick bit." "Oh, Teddy Bear." "Don't they move gracefully?" "Why do they paint their faces and wear all that powder?" "It looks so much better if they're plain and scrubbed." "Teddy, you're always going on about that." "Would it excite you if I took all my make-up off and had a shiny, scrubbed face?" "No, not really." "Hello, Daddy." "Where have you been?" "The first act's nearly over." "Dickie couldn't come at the last minute." "He dropped me here." "What's happened?" "I don't know." "They've been jumping up and down a lot and the chap in the black tights is rather upset about something." "Aunt Agatha." "Poppy." "Don't wake Ralph." "He didn't sleep much last night." "What a lovely ring." "Yes, I'm engaged." " No." "Who to?" " I'll tell you all about it in the interval." " Ooh." " Oh, it's now." "Get the police!" "It's a riot!" "No, Ralph." "The interval." "The interval." "Oh!" "Jolly good show!" "Author!" "Author!" "Shall we have a drink?" "Come along, this way." "(All chatter)" " Rather good so far, isn't it?" " Yes, frightfully good." "Between you and me, I'm a bit like the King." "I prefer good old Harry Tate." " Oh, really?" " Nothing to be ashamed of." "What's wrong with a good laugh?" "The King likes it." "I'm dying to hear about your engagement, Poppy." " It only happened last week." " Do I know him?" "Oh, he's gorgeous." "Tall, blond, typical guardsman." "He's not in the guards now." "He had a row with the colonel and left." " His father's in tea in Ceylon." " What's his name?" "Dickie Metcalfe." " Dickie Metcalfe." " Do you know him?" "No." " Another drink?" " Where are we going to eat after?" " I'm starving." " I thought we'd go to the Café Royal." " Is that where Oscar Wilde used to go?" " Yes but he's dead." "Oh, well, that's all right." "Teddy, be a dear." "I've left my cigarettes in the box." "Can you get them for me?" "Have one of mine." "I only smoke Egyptian." "Oh, very well." "I say, are you all right, old girl?" "You look as white as a sheet." "Yes, I'm all right." "Ah, there they are." "Teddy, wait." "Sit down a minute." "That Dickie Metcalfe, he's a rotter." "An absolute scoundrel." "A scoundrel...but he was in the guards." "He was cashiered." "Cheating at cards." "Cheating at cards...in the guards." "And signing dud cheques." "It was all hushed up because the colonel's wife was... well, involved." " By Jove." " It was very dramatic." "The colonel went to his quarters and left a loaded revolver and told him to do the right thing." " What happened?" " He pawned it." "Unspeakable cad." " You must tell George at once." " I can't." "Why not?" "Well, we were sort of..." "Well...we knew each other rather well." "Oh, yes." "He was blackmailing me and threatened to tell Ralph but there was nothing in it." "Oh, really?" "Don't look at me like that." "What about those Eton boys and that insurance salesman?" "It seems to me there's nothing in an awful lot you get up to." "Oh, darling." "People exaggerate so." "But don't you see, we can't let him marry Poppy." "But I can't tell George." "He might jump to the wrong conclusion." " Well, he's jolly well entitled to." " Teddy, I'm appealing to you." "What am I going to do?" "Stokes is our man." "He's bound to come up with something." "Good evening, sir." "Did you enjoy the ballet?" "Oh, yes, brilliant, thrilling." " Didn't you think so, Teddy?" " Oh, yes, brilliant, thrilling." "Excuse me, my lord, do the men dance on tiptoes same as the girls?" "I didn't notice them doing that." "Did you, Teddy?" "I found it hard to tell which was which." "I'm going straight to bed." "Come with me, Ivy." "Yes, Miss Poppy." "What's the matter?" "You've hardly said a word since the interval." "Oh, I've got things on my mind, that's all." "What were you doing with Agatha in the box?" "Nothing." "Just talking." "Where's the lavatory?" " I beg your pardon." " The lavatory, where is it?" " What are you doing here?" " Trying to find the lavatory." "It's down the passage, through the door and on the right." "Thank you." " What on earth's going on, Stokes?" " Er...it's Miss Cissy, sir." "She's having a committee meeting of the United Workers Party." "George, you can't have a person like that using our lavatory." "Stop him at once, Stokes." "I fear it may be a little too late, sir." "Put me down." "Cissy, what on earth is going on?" "We're having a meeting, Daddy." "They'll be off soon." "How dare you bring them into my house?" "I'm sorry, Daddy, but it was rather important." "We're petitioning the Home Secretary to set up a vegetarian soup kitchen on the Embankment." "We can't decide whether to serve brown bread or white." "How damned ridiculous." "Between you and me, that's what I said." "Oh, come on, Cissy, it's coming to a head." "We're going to vote on the brown bread and I think the whites have it." "They're quite harmless, Daddy." "They're not going to smash the place up." " Have they voted on the bread yet?" " No, they're just going to." "If the white lobby wins, it'll be a nutritional disaster." "The world's gone mad." "I'm going to bed." "Stokes, can I speak to you for a moment?" "Certainly, sir." " (Soft knocking)" " Come in." " Is this all right, Miss Poppy?" " Yes." "Did anyone see you?" " No, miss." " Good." "Now, pack these things." "Yes, Miss Poppy." " Where is Gretna Green?" " I don't know." "Up in Scotland somewhere." "Dickie knows all about it." "Apparently, a smith is allowed to marry you over the anvil." " What's an anvil?" " Thing you bang horseshoes on." " Oh, I see." "It's ever so romantic, isn't it?" " Yes." "Why don't you get married in a proper church?" "That takes months and Dickie doesn't want any palaver." "We want to get married and have done with it." "I don't blame you." "He's ever so handsome, isn't he?" "I think so." "Mind you, Mr Twelvetrees thinks there's something not quite right about him." "How dare the servants discuss my private life?" "I'm sorry, Miss Poppy." "I shouldn't have said that." "I..." "It doesn't matter." "He's jealous." "You don't know the half of it, Ivy." "He's had his eye on me since he came here." "Goodness knows, I've never given him any encouragement." "Now, listen, Ivy, I want you to wake me up tomorrow morning with a cup of tea at half past five, then help me to dress and carry my case downstairs." "Dickie will be round the corner with the car." "You're not to tell a soul." "I don't like to deceive his lordship." "Will I get into trouble?" "Well, no, I'm over 21 ." "I can do what I like." "Oh, yes, of course." "It's ever so exciting, isn't it?" " But remember, you're not to tell a soul." " Yes, Miss Poppy." " Promise?" " Promise." "When Mr Teddy confided in you about Dickie Metcalfe, you should have come and told me." " I didn't want to disturb you." " What's that got to do with it?" " The family honour is at stake." " It's nothing to do with us." "Nothing to do with us?" "I've been with them since Miss Poppy and Miss Cissy were at school." "I can't stand by and see this happen." "I'm sorry about Lady Agatha but we should tell his lordship at breakfast." "James Twelvetrees, this is an upstairs matter." " They'll have to sort it out themselves." " What did Lady Agatha tell Mr Teddy?" "The man is a liar and a cheat and a fortune-hunter and a blackmailer." " Who are you talking about?" " Keep out of this, Ivy." "We have got to find a way of unmasking him for the bounder that he is." "There's no hurry." "They haven't announced their engagement." "The wedding's months off." "She's got plenty of time to find out for herself." "Are you talking about Miss Poppy and Dickie Metcalfe?" " Shut up, Ivy." " They eloped at half-five this morning." "What?" "They've eloped." "I carried the case round to the car." "Dickie Metcalfe was sitting in it." "He gave me half a crown and I wished them luck and they drove off." "lsn't he a very nice man?" "No, Ivy, he is not." "What on earth made you do that?" "Well, it's not my fault." "She said she was over 21 ." " Anyhow, they're going to get married." " Where have they gone?" "Somewhere in Scotland, to a man named Smith who makes horseshoes." "I think they said it was in Golders Green." " Gretna Green." " Oh, that's right." "We must tell his lordship at once." "Hang on a minute." "If we play this right, it could work out to our advantage." " How do you fancy going to Scotland?" " I've never been to Scotland." "Oh, marvellous." "We'll take the Rolls-Royce and a couple of guns." "We'll have a few days shooting." "Don't be sarcastic, James." "When his lordship and Mr Teddy come downstairs," "I'll ask for a private word in the study." " Shall we warn Lady Agatha?" " There's no need to mention her name." "His daughter's off to Gretna Green with a man he knows nothing about and he doesn't like what he does know." "That's enough for any father." "Cor, what a mess those United Workers made." "Cigarette butts stubbed into the carpet, wine stains on my tiles, toffee papers shoved under the cushions." "They're not proper workers." "No, they all had beards and polo neck jerseys and sandals with no socks." "Proper workers would have more respect for his lordship's property." "Most of your sandwiches ended up in the vases and flowerpots." "Oh, fancy." "And I put such lovely ham and roast beef in them." "All them sort only eat nut things." "Nut cutlets, nut sausages, nut chips." "I heard one of them say his dog was a vegetarian." "I bet he wouldn't be if someone gave him a bone." "Well, my old man said that if the good Lord hadn't intended us to eat meat, he wouldn't have invented mustard." "Look at the time." "They haven't sent down for their eggs and bacon yet." "What's going on?" "For God's sake, Stokes, if they left at half past five, why wait until now to tell me?" " I've just learned of it myself, my lord." " We must stop them, George." "We don't know enough about him." "He may be a fortune-hunter." "Once he's married Poppy, there's nothing we can do." "Good Lord." "The girls come into their mother's trust in a few years." "We must go after them, George." "I can't." "I'm expecting a call from the Prime Minister." " You mean that BBC business?" " Yes, it's coming to a head." " Why don't you telephone him?" " I can't at this time." "He'll be smoking his after-breakfast pipe and going through the obituaries in The Times." "If I may make a suggestion," "James and I could pursue them and prevent the marriage from taking place." " Oh?" "How would you do that?" " How can I put it, sir?" "We would persuade him that it was not a good idea." "Use force you mean?" "If necessary, sir." "I think perhaps it would be advisable for Ivy to come along." "She could take care of Miss Poppy should any unpleasantness occur." "Miss Poppy will naturally be a little distressed." "By George, you're a good chap but you'd better hurry." "They're hours ahead of you." "May I have a little cash, travelling expenses, sir?" "Of course." "L20 be enough?" "Make it 30, sir, just to be on the safe side." "Excuse me, my lord." "Lady Lavender's not in her room." " Perhaps she's in the bathroom." " No, I've searched everywhere." "Even the cupboard where she hides from me and jumps out and goes "Boo"." "She must be somewhere around, popped out to the shops, or gone to see a friend." "I'll go into the hall and telephone the police, just to be on the safe side." "Good idea." "Tell them to be on the lookout but no need to make a fuss." " There you are, Stokes, off you go." " Sir." " Will you be taking the train?" " No, sir." "I thought I would persuade the gardener to hire me his motorcycle." "Capital idea." "With any luck, you'll catch up long before they get there." " Sir." "Ivy." " Sir." "(Whispering) Hello?" "Mayfair 2135." "(Phone rings)" "Hello?" "Hello." "Is that Miss Cartwright's residence?" "Yes." " Just answer yes or no." " Yes." "Is Miss Cartwright there?" "Yes." " Is she in the room?" " No." " Is she in bed still?" " No." " Is she having breakfast?" " No." "Where is she?" " (Whispers) She's...having her bath." " What?" " She's having a bath!" " Shh." "This is Teddy Meldrum here." "I know." "I've just had the most wonderful idea." "How would you like to get married?" "Who to?" "Me." "Oh, Mr Teddy!" "Do you really mean it?" " Yes." " Oh, Mr Teddy." "I can't believe it." "Pack a suitcase and meet me on the corner outside United Dairies in half an hour." "We'll drive to Gretna Green and, by tomorrow, we'll be man and wife." "Oh!" "Mr Teddy!" "Just think, for the rest of my life," "I'll wake up in the morning and there, on the pillow beside me, will be you, looking at me with your eyeglass." "But I don't wear it in bed." "But you will for me?" "Yes, anything." "Anything." "I'll see you in half an hour." "The gardener'll let us have the bike." " How much is he charging?" " Never you mind." "His lordship will want you to account for every penny of that L30." " Don't worry, James." "He'll have it." " Six cheese, six ham, six beef." "Thank you, Mrs Lipton." "She wouldn't let me put tomato sauce on 'em." "I've put in pickled onions and some apples." "Whatever other privations we have to put up with, at least we won't go hungry." "I assure you, James, I'm putting up with no privations." "If we have to stop overnight, I'm stopping in no mucky digs, it'll be a first-class hotel." "Have you any idea how expensive hotels are?" "There's me and Ivy and you." "Are we all going to be in the same room together?" "Well, I'm definitely not sleeping with him." "Well, I don't think I ought to either." "Don't be absurd, Ivy." "I'm talking about the cost of three separate rooms at a good hotel." "They could be as much as ten and six each." "Well, his lordship's paying." "You may not have to stop the night." "I've looked it up." "It's 367 miles." "Now, if you travel at an average speed of 20 miles per hour, you'll get there in 18 hours, 35 minutes." "Then you have to allow for stopping for petrol, eating your sandwiches, the calls of nature and punctures..." "I reckon it'll take 21 hours." "So you'll have to stop overnight." "Well, you sit on that bike for 21 hours solid, you won't half have a sore bum." "Don't be vulgar." "Ow!" "lsn't this exciting?" "I love travelling." "It broadens the mind." " It'll certainly broaden your..." " That will do." " Where on earth are you going?" " Ah!" "Erm, er..." "Gretna Green." "I've got to stop Poppy marrying that bounder." "How do you know he's a bounder?" "He must be." "Why drag Poppy off to Gretna Green?" "Oh, yes, of course." "But Stokes has gone already." "I'll get there quicker." "I'll take a car." " Good idea." "I'll come with you." " You can't." " Why not?" " Erm...you're a backseat driver." "You keep telling me what to do and you get on my nerves." "Why are you taking all that luggage?" " I might have to stay the night." " You need all that for a night?" " I shall have to dress for dinner." " Of course." "I'll open the door." "Dad?" " Dad!" " What is it?" "I feel sick!" "Take a few deep breaths!" "You'll soon feel better!" "Here, suck a piece of barley sugar." " Do you want one?" " Stick it in me mouth." "Argh!" "That's me nose!" "Oh, there's the front doorbell." "Shall I go?" "Certainly not." "What would the neighbours say if they saw you in that sacking apron and red soda hands?" "Oh, sorry I spoke." "Henry, you'll have to answer the door!" " Have I got the qualifications?" " Oh, get on with it." "And be very polite." "I certainly will, Mrs Lipton." "Why don't they answer the damned door?" "Meldrum, answer the door!" "Now, calm down, Ralph." "You mustn't get yourself worked up." " You know what the doctor's told you." " Damn quack." " Good heavens, the footman's shrunk." " Good morning, sir." "Whomsoever do you wish to see?" "Meldrum, of course." "Come on." "Come on." "May I take your card, sir?" "Where's all the staff?" "Where's that villainous butler and that snooty footman and that barmy housemaid?" "I'm not at liberty to say, sir." "Will you wait in the hall?" "No, I won't wait in the hall." "Ralph, please." "Oh, very well." "I shall inform his lordship of your hereabouts." "That boy has all the makings of an idiot." "Oh, Ralph." "If Lavender pops in, just give me a ring and I'll come round and collect her." "Yes, she wanders off occasionally." "I'm not too worried." "Right." "Goodbye." " (Knocking)" " Come in." "There's a lady and a gentleman to see you, m'lord." " Who is it?" " It's written on the card." " It's Lady Agatha and her husband." " Better send them in." "Yes, m'lord." "You can come in." "Agatha." "Hello, Ralph." " Better bring some coffee, Henry." " Coffee, yes, m'lord." "Look here." "You mustn't let that bounder Metcalfe ruin your daughter's life." "He tried to ruin Agatha's." " What are you talking about?" " Tell him." "Oh, Ralph, George doesn't want to hear all that." "Go on." "Go on." "Tell him." "I don't mind." "Go on." "Tell him." "Tell him." "Well, when Poppy told me last night that she was engaged to Dickie Metcalfe, it gave me the most awful shock." "You see, he's been blackmailing me." " What?" " Go on." "Go on." "Tell him." "Tell him." "Well, we met...ages ago, when he was chucked out of the guards." " Chucked out of the guards?" " He cheated at cards." "Well, he had nowhere to go." "So..." "I said he could stay at my little mews flat." " What little mews flat?" " Oh, she's got this little mews flat." "She's had it for years." "I don't know what she keeps it for." "Well, ever since, he's been threatening to tell Ralph that we were having an affair." "Well, it wasn't true, of course." "But I didn't want to upset Ralph, so I just paid up." "Mm." "She thinks of me all the time, the darling girl." "When Poppy told me about being engaged to him, well, Ralph could see I was upset, so he dragged it out of me." "Ralph knows me well enough to realise" "I would never have an affair with a young boy like that." " Well, of course not." " He trusts me." "Don't you, Ralph?" "Well, of course I do, my darling girl." "(Crashing)" "I'll bring some more coffee." "I have to tell you, she's eloped with Metcalfe." "When?" "This morning." "They're driving to Gretna Green at this very moment." "What?" "The swine!" "Where do you keep your guns, Meldrum?" "No, don't be hasty." " Good morning." "Whom..." " Oh!" "Watch you don't slip on the coffee!" "Don't you think this is going a bit far?" "Nonsense, the only thing to do." "Blow him apart!" "George, my maid Rose, she's eloped...with Teddy." "Heavens!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, she's left me a note." "They've gone to Gretna Gree... (Sobs)" " That's why he took all that luggage." " Have you got a car?" " The Rolls." " We must get after them." " I'll get more cartridges." " Oh, for heaven's sake." "Here." "Oh, Dickie, isn't it wonderful?" "I feel free." "Where are we going on our honeymoon?" "Anywhere in the world, my darling." "Up the Nile, Rome, Nice." "Or the pyramids." "I've always wanted to see the pyramids." "Then the pyramids it shall be." " Eight gallons." "That'll be six shillings." " Lend me ten bob, darling." "My bankers are sending a cheque to the hotel." "Where are we staying?" "Which hotel is it?" "The big one, the Grand or the Palace." "Oh, Dickie, you're so deliciously vague." "(Ivy moans)" "Hurry up, Ivy." "Poor girl." "Bounced all over the place in that sidecar, no wonder she feels sick." "It's not my fault." "It's the roads." "They're a disgrace." " Hurry up, Ivy!" " Oh, Dad." "This idea is absurd." "We'll never catch them." "We should have gone by train." "What are you moaning for?" "We've got plenty of money." "The open road's in front of us and we needn't go back for days." " Have you been to the Lake District?" " Don't you understand?" "We can't allow Miss Poppy to ruin her life with a scoundrel." "We must stop her." "Let's face it, you're jealous, because you'd like to be in that car with her on the way to Gretna Green." "I feel a bit better now." "Can we have five minutes before we start again?" "No, we can't." "Because James wants to save Miss Poppy from a fate worse than death." "A fate, I might say, James, that she's lived through quite a few times already." "How dare you?" "Are you insinuating Miss Poppy's a person of loose morals?" "She could be in deadly danger." "If he's a villain, he could be marrying her so as to sell her as a white slave in Rio de Janeiro." "Ivy, get in the sidecar." "It goes on all the time, Dad." "Doesn't it, Mr Twelvetrees?" " It is a possibility, Ivy." " Oh, no, not you as well." "Do you know how many girls were sold as white slaves in Rio de Janeiro last year?" "Hundreds." "And nobody's doing anything about it." "If it was me, your own daughter, sold as a white slave in Rio de Janeiro, you'd have to do something, wouldn't you?" "Wouldn't you?" "Well, say something." "Ivy, shut up." "Did you pack your apron and cap?" "Yes, but I'm not going to do any work, am I?" "No, of course not." "Just put them on and walk about a bit." "When we are married, will I be the Honourable Rose?" "I'm afraid not." "When we have babies, will they be honourable?" "Oh, don't let's talk about all that silly business." "For the first time in my life, I'm doing what I want to do and not what people tell me." "Rose, are you smoking?" "No." "I don't." "That's funny." "I thought I could smell cigarette smoke." "Where are we going?" "By God, Lavender!" " What are you doing here?" " I've arranged to meet Captain Dolby." " Have you seen him?" " No, of course not!" "Well, where are we going?" "Gretna Green." "Oh, how exciting." "I expect Captain Dolby is waiting for me there." "Drive on!" "You can't come." "We're eloping." "This is Rose and we're going to be married." "Good." "We'll have a double wedding." "Off we go." "(Sniffs)" "Teddy..." "Teddy..." "Oh." "Oh, my poor Teddy." "He's not responsible." "It was the war." "That dreadful war." "(Sobs)" "Nothing to do with the war." "The man's a nincompoop." "Always has been a nincompoop." "If you ask me, Meldrum, there's too much inbreeding in your family." " I beg your pardon!" " Just keep your eye on the road." "Practically had us in the ditch then." "You're a very jerky driver." "Did you know that?" "Did you?" "Did you know?" "Why don't you get a chauffeur?" "Too damn mean if you ask me." "Watch the road." "Watch the road." " How are you feeling?" " I'm all right now." " I'm getting used to being juddered." " You'll need to be." "We've got a long way to go." "Dad..." "I know it's wrong but I hope we don't catch them." "I know Mr Metcalfe's a bounder and a cad but if Miss Poppy marries him, she'll have to leave home and James won't be tortured by her any more." "And he might start looking at you, eh?" "He'll never do that." "Don't waste your time, Ivy." "He's not for you." "He's too pompous." "My man, the towel in your WC is a positive disgrace." "There is such a thing as a laundry, you know." "See what I mean, Ivy." "(Approaching car)" " Is that Mr Teddy's car?" " No, it can't be." " It looked like it." " No, there's lots of them about." "Come on, on the bike." "Ah, good morning, Henry." "Good morning, your grace." "Whomsoever do you wish to see?" "Lord Meldrum is expecting me." "Where's Stokes?" "He is astride a motorcycle in pursuance of Miss Poppy, who has eloped with Mr Metcalfe." "Mr Teddy has eloped with Miss Cartwright's maid Rose, and his lordship is chasing all of them with Sir Ralph and Lady Agatha." "Oh, and Lady Lavender's gone missing." "What a catalogue of disaster." " Morning, Charles." " Cissy, I just heard the dreadful news." "What on earth are young people coming to?" "I suppose we should be grateful that Dickie Metcalfe is a nice young man, rather like Rupert Brooke." "I'm sorry to disillusion you, Charles, but he is a liar, a cheat and a blackmailer, and is only after Poppy for her money." "Oh, heavens above." "Where are they going to get married?" " I'll contact the church, have it stopped." " They're heading for Gretna Green." "Oh, no." "That means their union won't be blessed by the church." "I don't think their marriage will be legal." "We must stop them." "They left at half past five o'clock AM." "How fast does your flying machine go?" " Well, I can get 80 out of her." " An answer to prayer." " Will you fly with me to Gretna Green?" " I don't know." "Depends whether they let me have a plane." "Be a bit of a lark." " You got a coat?" " No." "I'll get one of Daddy's and we'll get a taxi to flying school." " There." "Seven pounds, four shillings." " Thank you." " I've deducted my share, Mr Pearson." " That's all right, Mrs Lipton." " Afternoon." " Afternoon." "Oh, Constable, I didn't expect you." "It's usually your day off." " I'd like to have a word with his lordship." " He's not here, I'm afraid." "Oh, dear." "A complaint has been made that Mr Metcalfe has taken a car, to wit, one burgundy roadster, without the consent of the owner." "And the said owner is after his blood." "I told the desk sergeant that as Mr Metcalfe's engaged to Miss Poppy," "I'm sure his lordship can sort it out somehow." "Well, they've eloped to Gretna Green." " What, in the car?" " Yes." "Oh, dear, not only is he a liar and a cheat, he's a thief as well." "Oh, my word." "If they get as far as Gretna Green, it'll be in every paper in England." "I can see it now - "Toff's daughter elopes in stolen car"." " You've got to stop him, Constable." " Can't you ring up the police?" "I am the police." "The police in Gretna Green." "What?" "And have pictures of them being arrested at the anvil?" "No, I've got to get after them." "You'd better join the queue." "There's Mr Stokes on a motorcycle, Mr Teddy in his car, his lordship in the Rolls and Miss Cissy's got a Gipsy Moth with a bishop in it." "I'm commandeering your van." "You can't do that." "I got my groceries to deliver." "What about last week, when I saw you in the street, drunk and disorderly?" " I didn't arrest you." " I've never been drunk and disorderly." "I can always say you were and they'd believe me." "I'm in the Metropolitan Police." "Come on, in the van." "Henry, get your coat on." "You're reading the map." "Remember, Charles, look out for a burgundy roadster!" " Are you ready?" " Just a minute!" "Chocks away!" " Is that right?" " Hold on to your hat!" "Dad, I feel sick!" "Give her some more barley sugar!" "Could you go a bit slower?" "I've got four dozen eggs in the back." "Come on." "Let's see if we can get a spot of lunch." "Oh, it looks rather sweet." "You sure you wouldn't like to go on until we find a good hotel?" "No, it's such a lovely day." "We could have a snack in here." "Could we have a menu and have you got a bottle of champagne?" " It'll cost you 12 and six." " That's all right." "And I want the money now." "Oh, I see." "Will you take a cheque?" "No." "Darling, could you possibly?" "I'm ever so sorry." "That's all right, sweetie." "Oh, look, an aeroplane." "There they are!" "I'll circle and have a look!" "This is a very boring journey." "I demand some booze." "Stop at the next pub." "All right, Lavender." "When we stop, we'll tie a label around her neck with her name and address on it and then we'll drive off without her." "You can't abandon a poor old lady." "Just watch me." "If you ask me, you only drive a Rolls to show off." "Typical nouveau riche." "Nouveau riche?" "My family came over at the Norman Conquest." "I always thought you looked like a damned frog." "Watch the road!" "Watch the road!" "God." "Henry, are you sure you're reading that map properly?" "Course I am." "Don't know what they'll say at number 1 7 when their sherry doesn't arrive." "If you don't shut up, I'll charge you with supplying intoxicating liquor out of hours." "My God, she's in her nightdress." "Bring us large quantities of gin!" "Will you sit down, Lavender?" "Now, look here, if I give you L10, can you get a taxi and send this lady back to London?" " Dressed like that?" " Ah, Captain Dolby!" "I thought you were going to meet me in Gretna Green." "Still, you're here now, you darling man." "Look, you're not leaving her with me." "Uncle Teddy?" "Grandma, what are you doing here?" " Eloping." " You or Grandma?" "No, me and Rose." "Look after Lavender." "We're off to Gretna Green." "No, we're off to Gretna Green." "Ah!" "Yes, you mustn't." "Stokes has been sent by your father to stop you." "And here he is now." "Miss Poppy, you're not to marry Mr Metcalfe!" "He's a liar and a blackmailer and he cheated at cards in the guards!" " How dare you, Ivy?" "You're dismissed!" " Oh!" "With respect, Miss Poppy, everything Ivy said is true." "I refuse to believe it!" " You're dismissed as well!" " Come on, Rose, let's go." "We can't." "The old lady's got back in the car again." "James, take Lady Lavender back to London." "He can't, sir." "Miss Poppy's dismissed him." "Well, I'm engaging him again." "We can't take Lady Lavender juddering on a motorcycle." "(Car approaching)" "You ungrateful, calculating, scheming little hussy!" "How dare you elope with my fiancé?" "He loves me." "You ask him!" "It's true!" "I love her!" "Every bit of her!" "From her chapped hands to her shiny scrubbed face!" "He doesn't know what he's saying." "It's the war." "He needs me." "Oh, come to my arms." "Daddy, what are they all saying?" "He's an out-and-out bounder, Poppy." "It's true, darling." "He blackmailed me." "Tell her." "Go on, go on, tell her." "Stop!" "Stop!" "I forbid the marriage!" "Charles, what are you doing in my overcoat?" "How did you get here?" "In my Gipsy Moth." "We landed behind the pub." "I can't believe this is all happening." "Hey, who's pinched my car?" "It's Lady Lavender." "She's drove off!" "I told you she was in it." "Now, how will I get to Gretna Green?" "(Sobs)" "Just let me know which ones you want me to arrest, my lord!" " Have you got a licence for that, sir?" " What are you doing here?" "A car, identical to the one standing over there, has been stolen by a Mr Metcalfe." "ldentical to the Mr Metcalfe who went off with Miss Poppy." "My God, the man's a thief." "In that case, can I have my job back?" "(Sobs)" "My darling little girl, come here." "Tell 'em to hurry up." "I got my groceries to deliver." "I'm enjoying it." "I don't get out a lot." "That's why I look so pale." "If I can have permission, I should like to arrest Mr Metcalfe." " Yes, arrest him, the swine." " Throw him in irons." "I will, sir." "Where is he?" "That's my plane!" "Metcalfe's damn well pinched it!" "Oh, dear, I left my hat in it." "Blackmail my wife, would you?" " lsn't he marvellous?" " What do you mean?" "You said you loved me and you were just putting up with him." "Well, of course I love you." "But look at the way he's handling that great big gun." "James, you saved me." "Just in the nick of time." "You are always there when I need you." "Yes, Miss Poppy." "Help me to the car." "Right, back to the cars, everybody." "Look at that, Dad." "Miss Poppy's only got to raise her little finger and off he goes." "It's hopeless, isn't it?" "Come along, Teddy." "And what's going to happen to me?" "I've got the sack, haven't I?" "Oh." "Can she come back with us, Dad?" "Yeah, we'll sort something out." "The likes of us have got to stick together." " Oh..." " Come on, then." "Come on." "It'll be all right." "Don't be upset..." "Ripped by malgabo Sync by sutyiboy" "* From Mayfair to Park Lane" "* You will hear this same refrain" "* In every house again, again" "You rang m'lord?" "* Stepping out on the town" "* The social whirl goes round and round" "* The rich are up, the poor are down" "You rang, m'lord?" "* The bunny hug at The Shim-Sham Club" "* The Charleston at The Ritz" "* And at the Troc, do the turkey trot" "* They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits" "* Talking flicks are here today" "* And Lindbergh's from the USA" "* Poor Valentino's passed away... *" "How sad, m'lord."