"bom bom bom ba da bom bom bom ba da dom bom bom bom dee dum" " Ask him." " Shh." " Ask him." " Shh!" "Look at him, grandpa." "Ask him!" "Ryan, that's enough." "Uh, I'm sorry." "He, uh...he thinks you're Santa Claus." "I am." "Merry christmas." "Uh, merry--Merry christmas." "Nuts." "I should have got his autograph." "Dashing through the snow" "In a one-horse open sleigh" "O'er the fields we go" "Laughing all the way" "Bells on bobtail ring" "Making spirits bright" "What fun it is to laugh and sing" "In a sleighing song tonight oh, jingle bells, jingle bells jingle all the way oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh hey, jingle bells, jingle bells jingle all the way oh, what fun it is to ride" "in a one-horse open sleigh" "What is the problem?" "Your Santa Claus is wearing a topcoat and a fedora." "Ya-ha!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "That's not my Santa Claus." "Right." "Now...throw it out..." "Bring it up right up high, and down she comes!" "It's just in the wrist, you see." "It's really quite simple, you know, when you get the knack." "Now then, why don't you" "o.k., pops, come on." "It's my turn." "Give me the whip." "What have you been drinking?" "Just something to keep me warm." "You are intoxicated, sir." "And you're a pain in the butt." "You are a disgrace." "You have any idea how many children are watching you?" "Give me back the whip." "Let me tell you something-- when you put on this suit, you represent something that has great significance to millions of people all over the world." "Now, I could overlook your poorly-manufactured jacket or even your ludicrously unbelievable beard." "Hey!" "Or perhaps your phonily-padded tummy, but I will not tolerate public drunkenness." "You should be ashamed of yourself." "Can I get a cop over here?" "That's a very good idea." "Officer!" "Hey, wait a minute, you." "Mrs. Walker!" "Mrs. Walker!" "Mrs. Walker, we need your help here!" "Your sense of occasion is something" "If you're not with the parade, get back on the sidewalk." "I need to see whomever's in charge to alert them to this man." "Kiss my" "Oh, easy!" "Take it easy!" "Gramps, come on, hey." "Let's go for a little walk." "That man's a degenerate." "It's time to go right up in the old office." "Ha ha!" "Little drafty there." "Hey, let's just watch the parade, o.k.?" "Come on." "O.k. Settle in here." "Oh!" "Oh, my god." "Get this costume fixed." "O.k. We'll show this guy how to do it." "Whoa!" "Aah!" "Oh." "Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" "Merry christmas to all, and to all a good night." "Sir!" "Excuse me." " Hello." "I-I'm Dorey walker." " Oh." "Director of special projects for c.f. Cole's department store." "My pleasure." "As a matter of fact, I was looking for you." "There's no doubt you saw your Santa Claus is inebriated." "I know." "He has created such a terrible problem." "Millions of children are watching here and on television." "They're expecting to see Santa Claus, and now we don't have one." "That is a terrible problem." "Would you do it?" "Would you be our Santa Claus?" "Uh, me?" "Well, do you have any experience?" "Well...just a little." "Great." "I'm sure you'll be fine." "Isn't there someone else that you could ask?" "Sir, the parade has started already." "It's you right now, or else" "There's no Santa in the cole's thanksgiving day parade." "Might I perhaps have a moment to think about it?" "Don't worry about a thing." "Just..." "be yourself." "Now, dasher!" "Now, dancer!" "Now, prancer and vixen!" "Now, comet!" "Now, cupid!" "Now, donner and blitzen!" "Hey!" "Merry christmas." "Merry chris" "This Santa Claus is fantastic." "Did he sign a contract?" "There wasn't any time." "Myrna's going to have him sign after the parade." "She'll have him fill out his employment papers, and he'll start in the morning." "He insisted upon wearing his own Santa suit." "He has his own Santa suit?" "Apparently." "Well, if it's horrible, we'll make him wear one of ours." "I'm going home." "You're not going to watch the parade?" "No." "I think I've had quite enough for one day, thank you." "I will see you in the morning." "O.k. Chin-chin." "Merry christmas." "Susan?" "We can see the parade from his window, so put on something comfortable And come on over." "P.S., Mr. Bedford put the turkey in the oven." "He said you forgot to sew up the turkey's bottom." "The stuffing will all fall out, but he told me not to say anything Because he loves you, and he wants to kiss you, and he thinks you're" "The most beautiful woman in the whole world!" "Do you know how much it costs to make this parade?" "Uh, a million dollars. $2 million?" "1.6." "It's probably a big mistake." "Some guy's going to buy cole's and turn it into a junk store." "That's not going to happen." "Two banks just came in and rescued cole's." "You better check your sources." "But cole's has to pay them back plus interest." "If they don't sell a lot at christmas, you can forget about it, pal." "Well, I think you should ask Santa Claus to give cole's an interest-free loan For christmas." "What do you think about that?" "That's a good one" "Well, you know what?" "It might happen." "Santa Claus, he does some pretty amazing things." "Bryan, you know what?" "I know." "You know what?" "The secret." "What secret?" "Santa Claus." "I've known for a long time." "He's not real." "Says who?" "My mom." "Hi." "I believe you have something of mine." "About 4-foot tall, brown hair, talks like she's 64 years old?" "Hey." "Hi. / Hi." "So, what do you think?" "It's a good one." "Yeah?" "Did Santa Claus come by yet?" "Nope." "Is it Tony falacchi again?" "No." "Tony had to leave." "Bombed?" "Yes." "It's the pressure." "But I got this new guy, and he really looks like the real thing." "Maybe he is." "Are you still coming to dinner?" "Am I still invited?" "Yes." "Then I'm coming." "Honey, run home and put the camera stuff away." "I'll put the stuff away." "You keep watching." "Let her finish watching the parade." "Come on." "Santa hasn't even come by yet." "Well, as soon as Santa does come by, I would like for you to come home." "Sure." "That's the end of the parade, anyway." "There's nothing else to see except guys cleaning up horse poop," "And that doesn't thrill me at all." "Hello!" "Merry christmas!" " Hello?" " Jack?" "Yes, sir." "I've been watching the parade." "It looks bigger than last year." "What is the crowd estimate?" "Well, sir, cops say over a million." "Last year was about 750." "Have marketing come up with a giveaway, something free." "I don't want a crowd outside cole's in the morning." "I hate to say this, Mr. Lamberg." "Cole's has got one hell of a Santa Claus this year." "If I didn'tknow better, I'd say he was the real article." "Keep an eye on this, Mr. Duff." "These small, seemingly insignificant, sentimental anachronisms can be surprisingly potent." "I don't want my plans damaged by an elderly cherub in a red suit." "I'm on it, sir." "Bye-bye." "There we go." " Ooh." "Ooh." "Ahh." "Ahh." " Happy thanksgiving." " Happy thanksgiving." " Happy thanksgiving" "You know, this is kind of like TV, except I need a brother and a dog," "And Bryan would be the dad" "Mr. Bedford." "He said to call him Bryan." "Only if it's o.k. with your mom." "It's fine." "Bryan would be the dad, you'd be the mom." "We'd need either a fat person who's our cook or a neighbor who's Always at our house." "You know, that's not very interesting." "Let's talk about something else." "For the chef." "Oh, in the loosest sense of the word." "In every sense of the word." "The vegetables are catered." "So is dessert." "Thank you, Susan." "You're welcome." "Do we give blessings in this house?" "Not unless my grandparents are here." "Would you mind if I did it?" "It's a tradition with me." "No." "That's fine." "We give thanks for thfood before us and the closeness Of the people we love, and we pray that these gifts We so gratefully receive will be shared with those less fortunate than ourselves." "Amen." "Amen." "All right." "Let's eat." "I slaved all day." "You really outdid yourself." "One of my elves is married to a fellow called Daniel." "Do you know what you want for christmas?" "I want a peter pollywog patrol frog that swims and blows up." "Gosh, that sounds great" "Can mother have a word with Santa, please?" "Yes, of course." "Just a minute." "Don't make me look bad." "Them things cost 70 bucks." "He just looked at them." "I tell you what." "Shopper's express have got them on sale at 34.Lamberg with a $5.00 rebate." "Now that's reasonable enough, isn't it?" "Yeah." "Thanks." "But let me ask you a question." "Since when is cole's sending customers someplace else?" "I don't think it matters where the toys are sold as long as it makes the children happy." "I'm sure the people here believe the same." "Yeah." "Yeah, that's the spirit." "Thanks, Santa." "Thank you." " Merry christmas." " Merry christmas." "Now then, young man, if you're a very good boy" "And do exactly what your mummy tells you, you're going to have a peter pollywog for christmas." "Ha ha ha ha ha." "Bye, Santa." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye, Daniel." "Merry christmas." "Come on, then." "Come on." "You the boss?" "I'm general manager of the store." "My kid asked Santa for a barf gun." "The Santa said he'd get it for him." "They're by the elevator." "And they're 90 bucks without batteries or barf." "Prices do go up." "Apparently not at bargain village." "52.50." "They throw in the batteries." "I find it hard to believe cole's could be undersold by that much." "Where did you get your information?" "From your Santa Claus." "But if you go out of here, turn to the right..." "Excuse me?" "Santa's telling everybody where to shop." "If you don't got it, it's too expensive, he's saying where to get it at the right price." " You're serious?" " Absolutely." "Madam, will you excuse me for a moment?" "Tell Santa he made me a cole's shopper." "I'm coming here for everything but toilet paper." "Any store that puts the parent ahead of the buck at christmas deserves my business." "Tell Mr. Cole his Santa Claus ought to get a raise." "You want me to go with you to the chairman and pitch an idea That you got from Santa Claus?" "If cole's doesn't have what you're looking for, we'll find it for you," "Even if it means sending you somewhere else." "how does that sound?" "It sounds like a great way to go out of business." "Know that house in the country where we do the catalog shoot?" "You wanted to buy it." "Yes." "If this works, we're probably looking at a bonus." "And if he hates the idea?" "We're no worse off." "If we don't turn this store around, we're all out-- From the chairman to the janitor." "Let's do it." "I..." "like it." "It's bold." "It's fresh." "It will drive victor lamberg nuts." "It's beginning to look a lot like christmas soon the bells will start" "And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing" "Right within your heart it's beginning to look a lot like christmas" "Why?" "Why didn't you think of this?" "Now if this campaign is successful-- I know in my gut it will be" "Cole's will make lots of money." "The more money they make, the harder it will be for me to buy them out." "Now I want something done about this." "O.k., go ahead." "This seems like a pretty pointless exercise, Bryan." "I thought as long as we were here, might as well say hello to the old guy." "Why?" "Let's just say for the sake of argument that there is a Santa Claus" "And that you don't believe in him." "Is it worth the risk that you might not get anything for christmas?" "Well, I didn't believe in him last year." "I still got everything i asked my mother for." "Yeah." "You get a free candy cane?" "I'm trying to limit my intake of sugar." "She can go see Santa now." "O.k., come on." "Go ahead." "Nice to meet you." "Hello, sir." "Oh, how do you do?" "Would you like to come sit on my knee?" "Good." "Up you come." "Now then, what's your name?" "Susan elizabeth walker." "What's yours?" "Mine?" "Ha ha ha ha." "Well, I have lots of names." "Uh, Kriss kringle," "Santa Claus, father christmas, saint nicholas." "If you were in holland, I'd be sinterklaas, or in italy, le befana." "I have to speak many languages because, of course, I travel a great deal." "That's russian." "That's swahili." "My mother's Mrs. Walker." "She's director of special events for cole's." "Uh-huh." "She runs the parade." "I know how this all works." "You're an employee of cole's." "That is true." "But you're a very good Santa Claus." "Your beard's stuck on real tight." "Usually the store Santa Claus whiskers are too loose." "Yours look realistic." "That's because they are real." "You give them a tug." "Whoo!" "Ha ha ha." "Are you convinced?" "Mm-hmm." "Good." "This isn't the regular Santa suit, is it?" "Oh, no." "This is the real Santa suit." "It's very nice." "I agree." "Lovely." "Gold buttons, gold thread." "It's as real as me." "Well, you ask your daddy if I'm real." "I don't know where he is." "Well, he's" "That's my friend Mr. Bedford." "I don't have a dad anymore." "Ha." "Well, now, what can I get you for christmas?" "Nothing, thank you." "Nothing?" "My mother buys my gifts if I don't want something too stupid or dangerous or..." "Hi, mom." "Hi." "It's nice to see you." "Susan, you've taken enough of this man's time." "There's a long line of customers, and they do come first." "Nice to meet you, Susan." "Nice to meet you, too." "Bye-bye." "Nonbelievers." "Right." "If I felt that it was important for her to see Santa Claus," "I would be happy to take her." "I didn'tsee any harm in her saying hello to an interesting old man." "Well, there is harm." "I tell her that there is no Santa Claus, so you bring her down here, And she sees thousands of gullible kids, and she meets an actor a very good actor, mind you?" "with a real beard and a beautiful Santa suit," "Sitting smack dab in the center of a child's fantasy world." "So, who does she believe, the myth or..." "the mom?" "Listen, I just got some mistletoe." "Why don't we go back to my place and try it out?" "No." "I don't think so." "O.k. I'm here." "I can help." "All you have to do is ask." "Well, actually, there is one thing." "Would you mind taking Susan home?" "Sure." "I'm working at cole's." "All I have to do is to be myself." "There you are." "Ha ha." "That's it." "Very good." "Very good." "Excuse me." "Oh." "Good evening." "Good evening." "My name is jack duff." "How do you do?" "And this is alberta leonard." "How do you do?" "Pleasure." "Nice to meet you both." "I'm Kriss kringle." "Well, Mr. Kringle, we're with shopper's express, the department store." "Yes." "You've got the peter pollywog on sale." "Right." "Yes, we do." "We want you to be our main Santa Claus." "We have over 7,000 stores worldwide, but you would be the number one guy." "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but the people at cole's have already hired me." "In fact, I've signed a contract." "If you'll excuse me, it's getting a bit late." "Give you a ride?" "I can walk." "It's probably out of your way." "Where are you going?" "4th street, the mount carmel senior center." "We're going right by it." "It's on our way." "Thank you so much." "Um, bye-bye, prancer." "Bye-bye, dancer." "So tell me, Santa." "How does one guy get to every house around the world in one night?" "Ah, yes." "Well, now that is a vexing question, isn't it?" "You see, if you could slow time down so that a second became a year," "A minute became a century, and an hour became a millennium," "Well, you could manage it quite easily, couldn't you?" "I remember before--Well, 100 years ago, before the population explosion," "I could manage To deliver all my goods and have enough time left over for a late supper, A nap, and a round of golf with the easter bunny." "He winters in new zealand, you know." "Thank you so much." "Thank you both very much indeed." "Merry christmas to you, miss leonard." "Merry, merry christmas to you, Mr. Duff." "Same to you, Santa." "Thank you very much." "Good night." "He's completely out of his mind." "Imagine--cole's hiring a guy as nutty as that." "Could become a problem for them." "I know what you mean." "The easter bunny." "Nice to meet you." "Bye-bye now." "You don't think he's nuts, do you?" "Hmm?" "Well, he believes he's Santa Claus, absolutely believes it." "Maybe that's why he's good at it." "What difference does it make?" "Look at our stocks." "They're through the roof." "Sales are up 70% over last holiday." "In a week, this company has turned around." "We could go the other way just as fast if this guy does anything wrong." "What's he going to do?" "We don't know." "If the fate of the company rests on one very unstable old man," "You're celebrating our return just a little too soon." "I'm not worried." "Hello, little one." "How are you?" "Come." "Uh, she's deaf." "You don't have to talk to her." "She just wanted to see you." "Thank you." "You are a very..." "Beautiful young lady." "Ha ha ha ha." "What's your name?" "Sami?" "That's a beautiful name." "Ha ha ha ha." "Now I tell you what." "Do you know Jingle bells?" "Yes." "jingle bells, jingle bells jingle all the way oh, what fun it is to ride on a one-horse open sleigh" "Ha ha." "Oh, very good." "Darling, what would you like for christmas?" "A doll and a bear?" "Well, you shall have them." "Sami, I wish you a merry..." "Christmas." "nbsp;" "Thank you." "Thank you." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye." "Something's driving me crazy, and I can't sleep." "What's on your mind?" "Santa Claus." "Mr. Kringle?" "Why, what about him?" "He talked sign language with a kid today." "Well, that was considerate of him." "It's weird how he knows so much about toys and kids." "He speaks russian and swahili." "Well, he must be quite a learned man." "He looks exactly like every picture of Santa Claus I ever saw." "Yes, I know." "That's why I chose him." "You're positive he's not the real Santa Claus?" "I thought that we talked about this." "You understand what he is." "What if we're wrong?" "That would be extremely rude." "Well, we're not ong sweetheart." "But all my friends believe in Santa Claus." "Well, most children your age do." "How come I don't ?" "Because you know the truth, and truth is one of the most important things in the world." "To know the truth and to always be truthful with others and, more importantly, with yourself." "Believing in myths and fantasies just makes you unhappy." "Did you believe in Santa Claus when you were my age?" "Yes." "Were you unhappy?" "Well, when all the things that I believed in turned out not to be true, yes, I was unhappy." "Would it be o.k. If I thought about this more?" "Do I have to not believe in Santa Claus right away?" "Come here." "You have the right to believe whatever you want to believe." "Now, I've told you the truth, but if I'm wrong, I will be glad to admit it." "I'll tell you what." "You ask Mr. Kringle for something that you would never ask me for," "And if on christmas morning you don't get it, you will know Once and for all the honest truth about Santa Claus." "That's a very clever idea." "Thank you." "Think you can get some sleep?" " Yep." " Yeah?" "Give me a kiss." "Good night." "I love you." "I love you." " Good night." " Good night." "christmas christmas well, it's christmas time, pretty baby and the snow is Fallin' on the ground christmas christmas well, it's christmas time, pretty baby..." "Barkeep!" "Reload on this." "Hey." "Hey!" "Can I get another beer?" "Boy, that cole's, they dealt me the high, hard one." "I did a good job for them last year." "This year they give me the--the royal fist." "They didn't have grounds on which to dismiss you." "That broad that runs the parade every year" "One of these college kids with a 3 ounce brain and 50 tons of attitude" "She hires some wacko right off the street to take my place." "Some wacko?" "Tell me about him." "He's a loon." "We got thousands in this city." "I'll say." "Never had one of them take my job, though." "Tony, did you have any contact with this old guy?" "The guy come up on the float, right in my face." "He got aggressive with you." "He tried to whack me over the head with his cane." "He tried to whack you with a cane?" "Isn't that what I just said?" "Tony, this'll make you feel better." "Got a little job I want you to do for me." "What, uh, what kind of job you have in mind?" "You'll see." "Just be yourself." "Don't even think about the camera." "You'll be just fine." "Right." "I must confess, I don't know why they're making such a fuss about me." "This is the holiday season, and you're Santa Claus, right?" "To many, but to others I'm an old man with a white beard." "But you're still the symbol of the season." "You think I'm a fraud, don't you?" "Fraud is a bit too strong a word." "But you don't believe in me." "I believe that christmas is for children." "Your daughter doesn't believe in me, either." "I don't think that there's any harm in not believing in a figure that many do acknowledge to be a fiction." "Oh, but there is." "I'm not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit" "And affects a jolly demeanor." "You know, I.." "I..." "I'm a symbol." "I'm a symbol Of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish And hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives." "If...you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith," "Then you're doomed for a life dominated by doubt." "I like you very much, Mrs..." "Mrs. Walker, you're a fine woman." "And, you know," "I think you'll make an excellent test case for me, you and your daughter." "If I could make you believe, then there'd be some hope for me." "If I can't..." "Well, I'm finished." "Shall we go?" "5, 4, 3, 2, 1." "I'm Kriss kringle, and I'm at cole's department store in new york city." "Good morning, america." "No." "Mr. Kringle's time is extremely limited." "Sorry." "Mr. Bedford's on line three." "No." "He can't do private sessions." "Can you hold for just a moment?" "Hang on." "Hi." "Bryan, I have the mayor's office on hold." "What's up?" "If I can arrange a really, really good Babysitter for tonight, you want to do some shopping and have dinner?" "Well, I'm not sure when I..." "I don't know if I can get celia tonight." "I'll take care of it." "See you at 7:00?" "Well, I-I-I'm not sure what--o.k." "Fine. 7:00." "Bye." "Whoa!" "Who is this one?" "This is dancer." "He's a bit slow, do you see?" "Poor old dancer." "Oh." "Good evening, Mrs. Walker." "Good evening..." "Mr. Kringle." "Nobody at school is going to believe this one, huh?" "Well, if you have to have a babysitter, who's better qualified?" "Yes." "Pretty, isn't it?" "There really has to be something you want for christmas." "I'm very good at keeping secrets, you know." "Come on." "Tell me." "What's this?" "Gosh." "That's what I want for christmas-- a house, a brother, and a dad." "That's all I ever want." "If you're really Santa Claus, you can get it for me." "If you can't, you're just a nice man with a white beard like my mother says." "Oh, Susan." "Just because every child doesn't get his or her wish doesn't mean" "There's not a Santa Claus." "I thought you might say that." "Did you?" "Yes." "Well..." "A house is a very big order" "And very expensive." "And a baby, well a baby takes almost a year to, uh, to, uh... nine months." "More if the lady's late." "Less if the baby's a preemie." "Right." "And a father." "I mean, uh..." "No one can give anybody a father." "If Santa Claus really can make reindeer fly and go up and down people's chimneys and make millions of toys and go around the world in one night, he could get somebody a house and a brother...and a dad." "Right?" "Right." "Right." "Yes." "I suppose he..." "he could." "I don't think I'll ever get those things, so it's no big deal." "Oh." "Well, um, perhaps I could keep this paper." "Could I?" "Sure." "Well, good night, little angel." "Good night." "Good night, Susan." "Good night, Mr. Kringle." "A family for christmas." "I don't think so." "No, really." "I mean... see, that wasn't so bad, huh?" "I had a great time." "You need to get out." "You need to forget work..." " I should've listened to you earlier." " Come out with me." "You understand why I didn't." "Sometimes I think I do ." "Sometimes I think I don't ." "Well, you are a very patient man." "Most guys are gone after a few months of me." "So you admit that you're rough on men." "No, not just rough on men." "Yeah." "I admit it." "I'm careful." "At this point in my life, I really don't need to be disappointed." "Do you want one of your christmas presents early?" "I got you a christmas present, and I want to give it to you." "What is it?" "Do you want it early?" "Yes." "What is it?" "Open it." "It's an engagement ring." "If I've given you a..." "false impression of this relationship," "I'm very sorry." "Are you serious?" "Have I ever given you any sign that I wanted to marry you?" "No." "Then, tell me, whatever possessed you to make a presumption?" "You know, I've done everything I could to try to make you happy." "I love your daughter like she's my own." "I loved you, getting nothing in return." "Never asking for anything in return." "I put my faith in you." "Well, if that's true, then you're a fool." " Taxi, please" " Certainly." "Mr. Bedford." "Kriss." "How was your night as a babysitter?" "Oh." "Very pleasant." "Susan's a good kid." "Yes." "Delightful." "Delightful." "Well, how was it?" "I gave her an engagement ring." "Ohh." "Ooh!" "She didn't like it very much." "Well, perhaps your timing wasn't particularly good." "Oh." "Not at all." "She...she's a sad sort of person, isn't she?" "It's a pity, really." "She's very kind... but she's terribly careful about her emotions." "What I know about Dorey is pieced together from fragments of a dozen conversations." "She was married in college, he had a drinking problem," "And right after Susan was born he took off and hasn't been heard of since." "She's filled with these, these bitter thoughts." "The worst part is she's dragging Susan into this with her." "Ah, yes." "Well, Susan is struggling with it." "But I get the feeling that she does want to believe in me, you know." "She's a good girl." "She's loyal to her mother's wishes." "I can't fault that." "Of course, if I can't convince the mother," "I have no hope of convincing the child." "The tooth fairy told me that." "Well, your cab's here, Kriss." "I always wondered what guys who have to return engagement rings Say to the sales clerk at the jewelry store." "Now I don't want to know." "I'm sure in your line of work you can find some lucky guy to give this to." "That's very generous of you, but I don't think this ring will ever fit anyone Other than Mrs. Walker." "I'm sure you'll find somebody." " I'm sorry." " It's o.k." "I'll get over it." "Will Susan?" "Well..." "I know what you want for christmas now." "I'll see what I can do." " Good night." " Good night." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye!" "Come on." "It's your turn to go up now." "Hello." "What do you want for christmas?" "Excuse me, sir." "Could you please step aside?" "This is for the children." "Hot little helper you got here, huh, Santa?" "She the one that puts the, uh..." "twinkle in your eye?" "Hey, kids, you see that guy up there?" "He's not really Santa Claus." "He doesn't even live at the north pole." "He lives in a nursing home on 140th street!" "You know what he is?" "He's a big..." "Fat..." "Fake!" "Just a fake." "Ho ho ho."