"TWO YEARS LATER" "RIEKE THE STUBBORN CATERPILLAR WHO REFUSED TO BECOME A BUTTERFLY" "RIEKE THE STUBBORN CATERPILLAR FLIES TO THE MOON" "RIEKE THE STUBBORN CATERPILLAR AND MR FRUITFLY" "LOBECK BOOK PRIZE FOR CLARA SOMMERFELD, AUTHOR OF RIEKE..." "CATER-BURGLED" "STOP GRUMBLING, GRUB!" "RIEKE THE CATERPILLAR WHO COULDN'T STOP CRYING" "Katja?" "I think I'm coming back." "Bye, Mama." "SMS FOR YOU" "YOU'RE A GRANDPA, CONGRATS." "NEVER CALL ME AGAIN!" "HEY, SEXY!" "MEET ME FOR LUNCH?" "YOU LEFT SOMETHING BEHIND..." "MY HEART" "WHERE ARE YOU?" "!" "Still trying to grow into Ben's car?" "What do you mean?" "What I mean?" "Nothing." "Come here!" "I'm up top." "I am." "It's not worth my paying rent anymore." "Want to spend more time there?" "It's not that..." "My place is too small for the two of us." "So let's find a bigger one." "I saw one on Saalman Street." "With a creche round the corner." "Créche?" "Are you pregnant?" "Of course I'm not pregnant." "One doesn't get pregnant by mistake." "That sigh was a bit too relieved." "It'd be a bit much all at once." "I thought in two, twoand-a-half years." "But I can go over it with you tonight." "Listen, Poem of the Day:" "Great!" "A poem instead of our future!" ""I love her not, or love her still," "So brief is love, so long its oblivion."" "Are you trying to tell me something?" "Huh?" ""So brief is love?"" "I thought our love was for the medium-to-long term." "It is." "Stay cool." "I mean, who reads poems nowadays?" "I'll do the upbringing, then." "If I wanted poems, I'd buy a book, not a paper." "Good you're a sportswriter, then." "Fuck!" "That one lasted almost two months." "It's already five to." "So?" "Oh shit!" "Where were you?" "You missed the in-house debate." "We sat and waited!" "Gee, Mark!" "Mark!" "Wortmann wants to see you." "And he's pissed." "Easy listening?" "!" "Is this my punishment?" "Are you down on love?" "Die Zeit says, Henriette Boot is bringing love back." "Hah!" "There's no love in that funfair music." "It's kitsch." "I'm a journalist!" "Right." "And your readers want to be moved." "I thought they wanted insight:" "Like:" ""So brief is love, so long its oblivion."" "Right, "When you're gone, my heart is out of gas"." "What's the difference?" "That's Ms Boot's latest hit." "You can discuss it all with her." "Listen:" "For weeks you've been saying you want to do a profile of Messi." "You'd be the first German to do so." "You know that?" "For a profile you have to move in close, get to the heart." "Goal statistics alone don't cut it!" "Sure you know everything about football, but for Messi I want more!" "You're a good apple, but are you ready to pluck?" "Get to the core of Ms Boot and you can get to Messi's." "I'll get you heart and core, but then you'll let me do Messi?" "I'll put it this way:" "if you want to move people, you have to let yourself be moved." "And no one's cracked Ms Boot yet!" "That's the lot?" "Almost." "Ben's box is the way I packed it." "Didn't you even open it?" "No, not yet." "Gee, Clara!" "I thought I'd wait till I have more time." "Yes, right!" "You'll cure your writer's block here." "Hope so." "My publisher's going mad." "Am I hungry!" "Programming zombies eats blood-sugar." "What's that pullover?" "Bernd gave it to me." "Nice." "We could have raspberry delight." "Spoiler alert:" "I'm for the Gockel." "I can't handle it." "You can." "Ben is in all Berlin." "Try to avoid him here and you'll end up spooning ice like in a kitschy film, watching kitschy films, like in a kitschy film, till you go nuts as it all reminds you of him." "The vaccine is a sausage at the Gockel." "$0'?" "Bernd wrote." "What's up, is he getting divorced again?" ""See you soon, dot-dot-dot, winky-smiley."" "Real Shakespearian." "And you wrote?" "I wrote," ""it's cool, I like being your stop-over." "Let's not talk it to death, let's enjoy it, don't worry about me." "But we need to talk about that thing at Bukowski's." "P.S." "I sent you the program, office organization should be fine now." "Did you get it, question mark."" "What makes that a good answer?" ""See you soon" means he wants to see me," ""Dot-dot-dot" means he has plans for me." "Or he's keeping his options open." "Nope." "I don't think so." "And anyway: winky-smiley." "Come on, winky-smiley is total commitment!" "He could have just used the "I'm happy" smiley." "How are you doing... on the inside?" "I don't know." "He can't just simply be gone." "Life must be missing something, too." "Kalle, how do you do it?" "Cut them in bits and add special sauce." "No, I mean, how is it you deal with it all?" "You mean because of my Marie?" "It can take a while." "I know that." "I don't know if my while has passed yet." "As long as I keep talking to her, she's not dead." "Or, okay, she's dead, but that doesn't stop me living with her." "The ice keeps getting thicker." "One day it will bear your weight." "Maybe you should do that too:" "Bring Ben back into your life, talk to him." "Right." "I'll get 20 cats, too." "It's time we unpack Ben's box." "Your heart is always right if you..." "Nothing happens in your life without meaning" "Every experience you have is enriching" "Heart!" "What shit!" "I got you a new phone since I'm sweet." "But you have a new number." "What for, Niki?" "It's my third in six months." "Do you always get a new number?" "No." "Hey..." "You got another new number?" "Keep busting them... and you'll keep getting them." "If you start taking care of things, you'll be able to keep your old one." "Mark has a new number!" "All my contacts..." "Quit whining. 0152... 24074307!" "Thanks." "Got a story on home-field advantage?" "In 2013, almost all Nigerian wins were at home." "You're faster than Google." ""The Brain." Pity you turned into a girl." "Got interested in the soul and all that." "I can write objectively on easy listening." "You need to think about why you threw a ball at your girlfriend's head." "That was a joke among friends." "Friends?" "Let me just say: subconscious!" "It's a gaping abyss." "You read too many self-help blogs." "You take care of her?" "Course I do." "Maybe you're too nice." "Either I'm too nice or I don't take care, which?" "It's not so simple: too much and they drown, too little and they wither." "Maybe Fiona's a cactus." "Thanks for the parable but there is no abyss." "It smells of box." "Oh God!" "Our engagement ring." "I bet he meant to ask me at the Gockel." "Of course he had no idea what size the ring had to be." "So one day he came up to me with a measuring tape and told me this endless story about how finger size indicates sexual drive and fidelity." "I knew all along what he was up to." "He simply couldn't lie." "Hmm." "Fits perfectly." "Should we maybe go to the cemetery?" "I've never been." "I need to go, don't I?" "I don't think I can till I'm back to normal." "Meaning never." "Oh God, my old cell phone." "All his old SMSes will be on it." "Even with amortization and installments, we'd not be over 1377.31 euros a month." "You see?" "It's worth it." "Yes, that's definitely..." "a convincing table." "If you don't want to..." "I do!" "Why must I drag you along?" "Drag me?" "I'm going along." "It's a sign to the world that I'm your wife." "You're not big on public declarations of love." "HOW WAS IT?" "WHAT?" "WITH MIA?" "BIT BORING..." "Hello...?" "Ben...?" "Oh God, I can't do this." "I sound like a granny talking to herself on the tube." "HELLO BEN." "I MISS..." "POEM OF THE DAY" "SO BRIEF IS LOVE, SO LONG ITS OBLONG." "Would you turn the light back on." "I didn't turn it off." "Nor me." "SO BRIEF IS LOVE, SO LONG ITS OBLONG." "Very funny." "What?" "It's not from you?" "I got an SMS of the poem I read to you this morning." "It must be spam." "Isn't it an odd coincidence?" "Mmm... funny." "You're not big into that, huh?" "What, spam?" "No, odd coincidences." "I'm into life planning, job satisfaction, a nice home, a family." "But you're not into that, it seems." "One can't plan everything." "That's a hassle." "One must plan everything." "You'll see." "Hello...?" "Hello...?" "Anyway, the power failure came at a stupid time." "I was in the lift." "Would Ben turn out the lights when he knows I get claustrophobic?" "What if he can't communicate otherwise?" "That's unlikely." "How do I tell my publisher I've got nothing?" "She'll understand." "A few months, yes, but two years?" "No, Ms Volkowicz will have my hide." "I'll have to go lecture in Darmstadt, after all." "And it's goodbye to Caterpillar Rieke." "Darmstadt!" "Who would name a place intestines City?" "Could you start running?" "This is a drag." "I don't run." "It's passé." "And it looks shit." "What?" "Hope she's in a good mood!" "CATERPILLAR RIEKE AND THE GREAT LONELINESS" "A miserable ass brings forth no merry fart, huh?" "Luther said so back then." "And he would know." "Why don't they make them as cigars?" "It's all this health shit now." "Who'd smoke if it wasn't dangerous?" "Ms Sommerfeld, send me another draft like this, and I'll begin trauma therapy." "We publish children's books." "Children, remember?" "Small, dirty, like to laugh?" "I'm trying to write something funny." "And no one can, no, could do that as well as you." "You're the only writer in my raft I like reading." "But this..." "Sorry." "One mustn't expose artists to pressure, right?" "But why must all the pressure always land on us?" "Oh, take a look over there." "That's Ms Konstanz." "Ms Konstanz will soon be out of work if you can't draw a happy caterpillar who caterpillars away without becoming anorexic or suicidal or having to take the tough decision of which of her two friends she'd save in a forest fire." "Dear Ms Sommerfeld, I'll give you ten more days, then I'll need my advance back." "I don't shit money." "Get out, see some people." "When did you last have sex?" "My God, he declared his love in the newspaper..." "LET ME NOT BE DEAD WHILE I'M STILL BREATHING." "What did you think when you first saw Fiona?" "What is this?" "I'm interested in how people like you..." "SORRY, I THINK YOU MEAN SOMEONE ELSE." "How people like you love." "Don't be so uptight." "There was no real first time." "She came for a drink after volleyball, no one else joined us..." "Why is there no coverage here?" "So we had a drink and we kind of got on well." "You "kind of got on well"?" "You didn't really fall in love?" "We did." "Sure." "Over time." "This is the gents, by the way." "Gendered facilities are discriminatory, Grandpa." "You did what over time?" "Fell in love." "You sound like a woman who's never had an orgasm:" ""I'm sure I had one, it was this nice, warm feeling."" "Oh my God!" "You've never had a love-orgasm." "A "love-orgasm." That's a stupid word even for you." "Love-orgasm?" "No, it's great." "You've never been so in love it turned your mind to mush." "Something important?" "Do you get these kitschy SMSes?" "Are they ads?" ""At times there's a chasm at my feet I've forgotten how to jump across."" "Oh my God, that's too sad." "I have to go and make merry for Fiona's friends." "So I'm too old for my job... can't formulate sentences due to all the headers," "I'm overpaid but not by Bayern Munchen," "I'm on the national team but I'm not Schweinsteiger..." "Almost!" "Not Lukas Podolski?" "Yes!" "The best left-winger Germany ever had." "Right." "Cause you're a football fanatic." "I'm a woman." "I'm blonde." "Very." "Am I in politics?" "Yes." "Come off it!" "But I'm not the Chancellor?" "No." "It's nothing important." "So I'm the Chancellor..." "Not the Chancellor!" "No." "I think a minister..." "Good!" "IF YOU LOSE YOUR HEART, WHERE DOES IT GO?" "ISN'T THE HEART ACTUALLY IN THE HEAD," "SO LOSING YOUR HEART MEANS LOSING YOUR MIND?" "A SHORT THOUGHT FROM THE UNDERGROUND." "The best men are those you see as you roll by." "Is it true you are getting divorced?" "Divorce..." "Separation..." "What words are these?" "If everything is interconnected, nothing can be separated from anything else." "Could you be more precise?" "Because... at our very centres..." "NO RESULTS FOR +49... we are creatures of love." "That's a nice blue." "How important is love in your life?" "Presumably not without significance." "Your colleague seems to know the answer better than me." "Oh, sorry." "But in 1999 you told the STERN that love is what makes you get up in the morning." "In 2004 you told the FAZ loving no one is like not seeing, hearing or breathing, and last year you told Markus Lanz one pursues love as a child pursues a butterfly, by way of answer to the question:" "how important is love to you?" "Thank you." "You're welcome." "This conference is over." "Why are you here?" "Jogi's next door." "The national coach, remember?" "It's a guy-thing, not for you." "What's with the weird expression?" "I'm getting these odd SMSes." "But from whom?" "Check it out!" "It's some chick." "Some chick?" "Mate... no dude would write that." "Got to go." "Have fun with Henriette." "Don't forget, you're the light of my life." "Piss off!" "Oh God!" "When are we done?" "Stop whining." "We each got to choose." "I ran and didn't grumble the whole time." "You didn't r..." "My publisher wants me to have sex." "Can't you dig out some ex?" "Oh God, I'm sorry." "I was dizzy from yoga." "Love fool is the thing for you." "It's great." "It's how I met Bernd." "It's like a meat market." "Yes!" ""Sold, sold, reject." But if you like a guy and he likes you, you can write... and so on." "It's not for me.I'll do you a profile." "There." "I'm done with this." "You screw as of which date?" "My only love has come and gone." ""The third."" "Katja, I can't be doing this." "No!" "These poor people." "These poor people..." "Revealing themselves Revealing themselves." "And then they're just swiped over." "Just swiped over." "And they just want love." "And they just want lo..." "They want sex." "All right, romance." "I don't believe in this." "Ben always said, love needs four things that seldom coincide." "Not:" "I can use photo shop, like to surf, have lots of hobbies and 20 cms." "Four factors that..." "I know, connection, infatuation, cocoa-pops..." "Blah-blah bah!" "This is just a date." "Goth Please don't swipe him over!" "Clara, don't swipe him over." "He's revealing himself here!" "Yes!" "What's up?" "Is it your damsel in distress again?" ""I'm at the Babette tonight." "Holy shit." I know the Babette." "I'll write her." "No, you know what, I'll go there now." "What?" "You're going there now?" "Why?" "I don't know, I just have this feeling." "Feeling?" "This is traipsing." "I'm having this lovely evening here." "Dumb luck, huh?" "Looking shit when you want to look smart." "Hope the guy doesn't see you and die." "What guy?" "How do you know it's a woman?" "You said no dude writes like that." "Maybe he's good looking." "I think I'll go home, after all." "Absolutely not." "Look, there he is." "And he's cute." "Give me the ring." "No way." "So what's the plan?" "Find a lonely gay guy and take a seat beside him?" "Maybe he isn't a guy." "Maybe he's neither nor." "That's him." "Has to be." "Quit it, why don't you?" "Remember your dating-disability, don't ask your stupid questions." "Thanks for the reassuring pep-talk." "For real, drink first, then talk." "And the apartment's all yours." "Bernd has time." "Bernd is in the mood." "Shut it!" "Hey!" "Mind the make-up!" "Clara?" "Don't screw up!" "Hey, I've seen her somewhere before." "Jonathan?" "Pity." "Porno-lingo's great, huh?" "Who invents this stuff?" ""Golden showers." What?" "You know, even if you watch relatively few pornos..." "This guy!" "you see more naked women than all your ancestors did put together." "Of course that desensitizes." "What are you doing now?" "Looking for local chicks." "Check it." "She's here somewhere." "Don't bug me with your fuck-app." "It's not a fuckapp." "It's a love-app." "Concentrate." "I'll concentrate for your sake." "The things I do for you." "Most people think personal training is all about sport." "Nonsense." "It's 30 percent sport, 70 percent nutrition." "Those, say, are bad carbs, carbohydrates, and bad fats." "Naturally that's sub-optimal." "But above all, I have to strengthen the client's personality." "That takes huge exertion at first." "You really have to grit your teeth." "I, for example, can easily burn 1500 calories in 90 minutes." "And then I can reward myself with an apple fizz." "What kind of animal would you be?" "Animal?" "A bird." "Free as the wind." "And what was your most embarrassing experience?" "God..." "No, you go first." "I can't think of anything." "Come on." "I shagged her." "Congratulations." "Thanks." "Why are you so uptight?" "We'll find your sad dude." "Who's alone here?" "Him." "It's him." "It's not." "It is." "You see?" "It's him." "Want to find out or do you still think you'll find your great love here?" "Well, all right." "I used to be really fat." "At 18 I was really chubby, then I thought come on, Jonathan..." ""You can do it, you know?"" "So I got to it, and... you just stay motivated." "Croatian, speaks no German." "Maybe your unknown caller changed his mind." "Give me the number, I'll call her." "Embarrassing!" "No answer." "Be right back." "BUT HE'S JUST TOO HANDSOME." "WHY IS HE PLAYING WITH HIS HAIR SO MUCH?" "Do you find him handsome?" "What?" "Is he particularly handsome?" "Too handsome?" "I can't stand the sight of him." "No man could." "If you like him, that's up to you." "It's her!" "I had a premonition!" "She does seem very unhappy.." "Mission fail!" "She's leaving with Disney-Prince." "Don't sweat it, Disney-Princes are shit in bed." "Wait..." "My flatmate isn't in, by the way." "How about some wine?" "I'll get some." "No, no carbs for me." "This is a bit fast for me." "No problem..." "I can go slow." "What are you doing?" "Please stop that!" "Why didn't you say no fuck?" "I'm saying it." "No, back at the joint!" "Where can I get one now?" "Could you try to do so from elsewhere?" "Come on!" "You've no right to be jealous." "All taken!" "Okay." "Ciao." "Ciao." "Hello?" "Maybe we really should move in together." "Are you drunk?" "Quite." "Ahhh!" "I don't trust my gut feelings anymore." "Instead of getting up and leaving when he told me his motto," "I drank him smarter." "His motto was?" ""Pain is brief, pride undying."" "If I kiss anyone, I'm always sad." "Will I remain sad all my life?" "How can this go on?" "How's your book doing?" "I can't write about a joyful caterpillar anymore." "What are we to do with you?" "Come here!" "How's it going with Bernd?" "He's still thinking it through." "Forget him." "Will do." "Yes?" "You're late night call was unacceptable." "If we lived together I'd wake you, too." "And then spend a nice night in the bath tub." "I'm sorry." "And what's your sober take on things?" "Hello?" "You still there?" "I'll call you back." "The boss wants me." "Great!" ""He didn't kiss, touch or smell like you."" "David, it's from her." "Shit in bed, like I told you." "She doesn't want the Disney-Prince." "So what?" "Are you in love with her?" "I don't know..." "Somehow this has got to me." "I told you: no cola from plastic bottles." "They contain softeners." "Be serious!" "You want me to be serious?" "You got the hots for a girl who keeps texting her ex or something." "She's the spiritual offspring of Nina Hogen and Courtney Love." "Sorry, I didn't mean to insult your new girlfriend." "I don't know..." "she touches my heart." "My neighbour is gay." "I like him." "But what you say is so gay the Gay League would excommunicate you." "When I say "gay" it's not derogatory, it just describes your crying at Barbra Streisand films and your interest in penises." "Will you help me?" "Sure." "Hello?" "Hello, you called my number yesterday." "Who is this?" "That's my question to you." "I'm David." "Who are you?" "Clara, Clara Sommerfeld." "Why did you call?" "Might have been a wrong number." "I'm sorry." "Okay... bye." "Goodbye." "It was her." "Clara, Clara Sommerfeld." "I'll call back." "Are you nuts, what will you say?" "What's up?" "It's too long a story." "I've always got time for those ones." "Becau..." "Be... bee." "Because..." "He died, right?" "Yes." "Yes." "Got to go view an apartment." "Yes." "The kitchen's nice, huh?" "I like the colour." "Do you remember when you first saw me?" "Sure." "No one else wanted a drink after volleyball." "Four sockets..." "Did you have a love-orgasm when you saw me?" "Love-orgasm?" "That's the dumbest word ever." "It's a weird word, but did you have one?" "So your knees went weak." "Like any old orgasm, but without sex." "Sure my knees went weak." "What's the maintenance reserve?" "I'll fax you that, too." "I just read that arranged marriages last longer than chance ones." "Weak knees aren't all there is to it." "What, have your parents choose for you?" "Why not?" "Nowadays everyone wants everything:" "Great sex, a husband who's a best friend... and confidant..." "What happened to good old "it's okay"?" "Can you see any mold here?" "What you say sounds kind of right to me..." ""Kind of right?" it's like something's missing." "What about the magic, the poetry..." "Why not ask for more than enough when so much is at stake?" "Hello?" "!" "I just wanted to check the soundproofing." "There's more to it." "It's about your love, about the heart." "About your whole being." "My whole being can't be left to chance." "Yes..." "Which is why you want more than those "who want everything."" "You plan everything so it's all..." "The floor will be finished, right?" "Hello!" "Yes?" "You're just afraid it'll all go wrong." "You're afraid of winter so you stay out of the sun." "The external walls are well insulated, right?" "Thirty sockets..." "The place is a bit large." "Want to move again in two years?" "In two years?" "You never listen." "A bigger place for a bigger family." "It has an energy certificate?" "Naturally." "Good." "We're applying for it." "Mark, your salary slip." "Oh, I..." "You had one thing to remember." "Even Noah's Arch would reject me." "Don't you want yours?" "Berlin Sunday Press, Mr Zimmermann." "That's better, huh?" "Yes..." "Ms Boot, you're an attractive and very successful woman, you're as German as the national squad or the Oktoberfest, but where does the artifice end, how much of you is for real?" ""I want to be free but you hold me, Want to be loose, so unfold me" "I shall fly and fly, like a butterfly!"" "This is your next single." "Yes." "Who'd call themselves a butterfly?" "In many cultures the butterfly is a symbol of resurrection." "Resurrection?" "It's tiring talking to an energy vacuum." "Have you no concept of the higher self, Mr Zimmermann?" "Can you not feel the divine spark within you?" "You're a clever man but you're not there." "You have the presence of used underpants." "Now sit up straight." "Let's breathe." "Let your arms hang." "Close your eyes." "And... try to breathe all the way down into your testicles." "And inhale." "And now we let it all out or we'll end up with airy testicles." "Are you in love?" "I dunno." "You dunno?" "Dunno?" "!" "You're a tougher case than I thought." "Yes." "It's complicated." "I..." "Oh, God." "What?" "Well, you ask if I'm in love and..." "I say " I dunno"... without a thought for my girlfriend." "But rather?" "What are the caterpillars doing here?" "Nothing." "Been to the cemetery yet?" "Leave me be." "I'll leave you be a while." "It's not like me, getting excited over some SMSes." "Did you ever have a love-orgasm?" "When my third husband and I went on an expedition to the Peruvian rainforest," "we made a stop in a village." "There was a man about my age at the well." "We looked at each other and it was as if we recognised each other." "No one there spoke English or Spanish, and our interpreter didn't know the local dialect." "So we never spoke a word." "But back on the bus, I separated from my husband." "Love knows no "I dunno"." "So, your time is up." "But I still need an interview." "Next time, come to me as a man." "I'LL STOP WRITING TO YOU NOW." "I'M SLOWLY TURNING WEIRD." "IF ANYTHING'S UP, I'M AT THE GOCKEL." "I didn't expect you." "You forgot the salary slip yet again." "You recently discovered your love of poetry." "Here's a poem for you:" "They each felt sad but acted cheery" "Tried to kiss and never sigh" "Till of this farce they both grew weary" "She broke down and wept." "He stood by." "Sure, we can stay friends." "I don't need a common objective with friends." "You say nothing?" "I'll take that as assent." "It'll stop being weird in a couple of months and I'll call you." "She's not writing anymore." "Shit." "Know a joint called the Gockel?" "Can we go?" "Sure." "Tomorrow?" "I couldn't have got changed, huh?" "You look sweet even if you smell a bit." "I'll have the Nostalgia Sausage, please." "I'll have the King Sausage." "What's the difference?" "The colour of the forks." "At last no more curried-sausage." "Thank you, God, for these fries!" "When will it end?" "You gaze goes from your cell to the door, back to the cell, back to the door." "Hey, it's her!" ""Here sorrow's cry does not resound and delight and pleasure reign."" "What is this?" "Orpheus and Eurydice." "What?" "It's opera." "Opera?" "I don't know what's with your brain, but that's a well-known fact." "By whom?" "By whom, what?" "Who wrote it?" "Gluck." "Got you." "Tonight's opera night." "And your date is?" "You." "Sausage, okay, but I'm not going to the opera every night." "A little culture won't hurt." "I ain't going." "What's that dog-among-the-vegans look?" "Opera, mate!" "All that screeching." "I don't get a single word." "It's all written down here." "Four hours!" "The thing lasts four whole hours." "Stop fussing." "Let it come down over you." "There's no way." "I can't do it." "I can't, Mark." "You can't go to the cemetery but you're going to Orpheus and Eurydice because you think it'll fix your writer's block?" "He gets her from the underworld." "It's no laughs." "How do you know the plot?" "Really!" "It's a well known fact." "Orphy and Eury Ill:" "Battle in the Underworld." "I programmed it." "As it happens." "But it's well known." "Bernd wrote?" "Don't know, haven't checked." "Say, I've got to go." "I'm off to the opera." "Orpheus and Ulrike is starting." "It's like geriatrics' day at the pool." "This guy just keeps appearing." "I don't want you!" ""Stick fighting."" "Nerd!" "What will he do when his opponent has a shredder?" "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?" "NOTHING" "SHOW ME" "WOULD YOU PREFER ME IN 3-D?" "COME!" "Got to make a call." "I'll be right back." "Bernd can wait for a change." "Shh!" "It's not Bernd, it's work." "Ah, yes." "Excuse me." "Is she dead or what?" "That's the whole point." "I'm off." "You stay here." "Sit back down." "There she is!" "There!" "She doesn't seem to like it, either." "Do we know each other?" "I couldn't say." "Well, then..." "But... there's no harm in that." "People cohabit and don't know each other." "You can't blame almost 7 billion people for not knowing you." "What I mean to say is, everyone's a stranger at first." "But we could stop being strangers to one another." "Do you want to give me your cell number?" "Yes, naturally, excellent." "The only thing is, I don't have a cell." "Is that still a thing nowadays?" "Yes, but I'm not weird," "I just don't like talking while walking." "But you can call me at the newsroom." "I'll write down the... number for you." "Mark..." "Zimmermann." "Thanks." "Clara Sommerfeld." "Well, then..." "we're almost not strangers now." "Yes." "Right." "CLARA SOMMERFELD 1 NEW MESSAGE." "READ NOW?" "CLARA SOMMERFELD 4 NEW MESSAGES." "READ NOW?" "CLARA SOMMERFELD 6 NEW MESSAGES." "READ NOW?" "THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE." "DON'T BE MAD." "I MET SOMEONE AND SOMEHOW IT WAS..." "AS IF..." "SOMETHING WILL BECOME OF IT..." "I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND." "SLEEP WELL!" "Sleep well." "PS1 WHERE CAN MIRABELLES STILL BE FOUND?" "I NEED MIRABELLES!" "Oh, it's you." "I live here." "Yes, sorry!" "Why are you Crying?" "I'm not crying." "I have an allergy." "I have something for allergies." "I found it in Ben's box." "Bravo." "It'll be great after two years." "At the opera?" "Last time I checked it was all 1000-year-olds with both parents." "Hence the name, O.A.P-era." "That's where you met someone?" "And he has no cell?" "Can I tell you something?" "He's married, the stupid pig." "No, no..." "He wasn't like that." "Not at all." "No, he has a really..." "He has a really..." "Is this story going somewhere?" "Can I, does he, is it..." "Gee, he has..." "He has a really..." "He has a really." "Come back down." "Sorry." "Focus, focus." "Now I'm back on your story." "No, he has a totally..." "What does he have, what?" "He has a really... old-fashioned, upright manner." "Upright sounds good." "We were having... a wonderful evening till his wife calls, and he... takes a pillow" "and smothers me with it so she wouldn't hear me breathe." "No!" "I was like mmh... no, nah!" "I don't get all that stuff:" ""That's too intense."" "The fear you'll steal their freedom." "I work 60 hours a week." "When would I get time to cling?" "Have the balls to say what you want." "And do so before we have sex." "We need music." "Yes." "Oh no, I can't stand your infantile music!" "That's mine." "No." "I need that cell." "I'll give you anything but I need the cell." "What's with you?" "Don't ask." "The debate is on, where are you?" "Right there." "How was the Boot interview?" "Good." "Real shit?" "Got a layout or anything to show Wortmann?" "I've done research, look." "He will be glad." "I'M IN TOUCH WITH MYSELF" "Sorry." ""He didn't kiss, touch or smell like you." "The emptiness and the yearning are now stronger, as is the pain."" "What the hell?" "Is this all you have on Ms Boot?" "No, those are advance copies of the lyrics on the new album." "Is there anything else?" "This might turn out all right." "Carry on." "I'll see you all tomorrow." "Why are you printing SMSes?" "I didn't mean to." "That's so romantic." "I almost lost my cell and I thought..." "Oh, never mind." "What?" "These SMSes mean a hell of a lot to me." "They move me." "I don't want to lose them." "Delete them." "It's mad stuff you get." "What the hell is this?" "A charm stone." "Zimmermann's desk." "Mate!" "You're losing it!" "A Miss Sommerfeld." "Don't know her." "Thought not." "Don't hang up!" "I'll see if I can put you through." "Who is she?" "Clara." "The Clara?" "One moment, Miss Sommerfeld, I'll put you through." "Hello..." "Miss Sommerfeld, nice of you to call." "Yes, hello." "This is Clara Sommerfeld." "We met at the opera." "Hello?" "Yes hello." "Sorry." "So you're an opera buff?" "Well... to tell the truth... not really." "Oh, nice." "Very, very nice." "Very, very, like Pep Guardiola says." "Pep Guardiola?" "The football coach." "He talks that way." "DINNER" "Do you dine?" "I mean, more specifically, would you dine with me?" "Yes, sure, sure." "Do you like curried-sausage?" "Very, very much." "Then let's meet on Friedrichs Bridge." "Why are you watching him make a call?" "And do you know the Gookel?" "Perfect. 6 PM." "I look forward to it." "Okay... bye." "So... you've fixed yourself a normal date without Love fool or Ok Cupid or anything." "An organic bio-date." "All pure and natural." "Too much!" "He was very odd." "Odd is good." "Why?" "Odd equals nervous equals interested." "This is good." "Sorry, that was very unprofessional." "Don't you worry." "I have a question for you." "Do you have a moment?" "I actually have to go." "I see." "Right." "Where to?" "The Boot story is going very, very well." "I have a problem with my girlfriend." "She's wonderful, amazing, but complicated." ""I'm not open enough," she says, but if I do open up, look deep inside, there's not much there." "I am who I am, plain and simple, but you, on the other hand, are grand opera." "Those were just lyrics." "Bullshit." "Right." "Is she a cactus or is she a plant that needs watering?" "Good questions." "You have to be my Cyrano." "Write me 10, no 20 SMSes." "Your Cyrano?" "My Cyrano, yes." "I don't like to ask you, but I do think she needs a sign like this from me now." "So, I go that way." "The underground is over there." "But..." "The train's departure will be delayed by ten minutes due to maintenance work." "Crap!" "Fuck!" "I don't own a cell." "Hi." "Hi." "That's a pretty big car." "Oh yes, right... it doesn't belong to me, actually." "Shall we walk?" "Great." "Okay." "I hope you didn't mind me just calling." "Not at all." "Only I felt people were listening in." "Okay... but how come?" "It's a newspaper, they're all so inquisitive." "It must be a... job-related thing." "Okay..." "And you write for the Berlin Sunday Press?" "I always read it cover to cover." "Except the sports pages, of course." "Oh God, you don't write for them, do you?" "I do." "But it's no big deal." "Oh... kay." "Is he the rooster they named this place after?" "No, that's another one." "What kind of animal would you be?" "Animal?" "Uhhuh." "I'd be... someone recently told me I have the presence of used underpants." "Talking of underpants..." "Great!" "Okay, Mark, relax." "It's a lie, but it's an okay one." "She'll never know and that's fine." "It's not my fault, I can't change it." "HE IS..." "What am I?" "HE IS..." "REALLY PECULIAR." "Fuck!" "I'd like to rewind." "I haven't been on a date since I was 16." "And that was with the wrong girl:" "My friend had misunderstood me." "It's a long and boring story." "God, I'm doing it again." "It's like watching my own downfall." "What did you do?" "In the loo?" "No, with the girl." "Oh... finally I told her." "Yes, the story is a bit boring." "But honest." "Honesty is good." "Probably most dates are with the wrong person." "And when can you tell?" "Probably not before the end." "Then we still have a moment." "Cyrano, the one with the nose?" "The writer of love letters for a handsome idiot." "Does she find out or stay with the handsome idiot?" "She does find out." "But Cyrano dies." "He dies?" "Romantic comedy wasn't big back then." "Sorry." "I should have taken it off." "It might be as subtle as a sledgehammer, coming along with this:" ""Hi, I'm the girl engaged to a dead guy."" "But it's like that and I can't change it." "And maybe it's better you know what's what." "So: my fiancé is no longer alive." "Do you like steamers?" "I brought you something." "You brought me something?" "Uhhuh." "You brought me mirabelles?" "I really love them." "I thought so." "Aren't they delicious?" "Super." "Awesome!" "Riding on a steamer eating mirabelles." "I won't play spit-the-pit with you." "Why not?" "You ready?" "One, two, three!" "A close call." "Rubbish!" "You can't say only the visible is real." "Even modern physics deals with unexplained particles." "It starts with invisible realities and ends with hand-clapping to expel negative energy." "I don't think you're really that down-to-earth." "For a facts-freak you're too... good looking?" "Funny." "At least that." "It's romantic here." "Romance doesn't exist." "It's invisible." "Oh, but it does!" "Why do you always ask such funny questions?" "I've no idea." "Dates are pretty unnatural things." "I'm so tired." "And I've got an appointment with my publisher." "Cross your fingers for me, I don't want to go to Darmstadt." "I don't follow, but I don't want you to go to Darmstadt, either." "Because I'd have to go along." "I'll walk you." "Hello." "Hey!" "My favourite author." "Don't you just want to hug the whole world today?" "Well, don't you?" "Sit down, please sit down." "Thank you" "What's new?" "Well... for me the day depends on how things go here." "I thought so after I applied too much pressure last time." "The muse needs to be coaxed, right?" "You have all the time in the world." "Another whole week." "Pressure kills creativity, right?" "I'll tell you something, there are more important things in life:" "Take a look at this." "Take a peek." "Have a look." ""With you, autumn in Berlin is like Paris in the summer." "Beside you I'm a child playing in the grass where each blade is a fresh, new, unending world." "On you..." Perhaps I'd better not read this." "But, wow, who wrote this?" "A glumas-they-come journalist." "I'd never have guessed he has so much poetry inside him!" "I don't have to go to Darmstadt!" "I like Berlin." "But how come?" "It seems love and feelings are at play." "But that's not your scene." "It's invisible." "I don't see what you mean." "Like I say, huh?" "Oh, not him!" "Hey, Clara!" "You're back." "Hi..." "How nice to see you." "How are you?" "You look good." "But you cry a lot, huh?" "It gets better." "Day by day." "The will is the strongest muscle." "Only nice memories survive." "Like my trainer says, life is like drawing without an eraser." "After all, such experiences make you stronger." "Even you can tell." "Huh, sorry, what?" "You'd better move on." "Oh, sorry..." "Ciao." "Why doesn't stubborn Rieke want to become a caterpillar?" "She's happy the way she is." "She wants to experience all she can while being who she is." "And she doesn't need a slim waist or a pretty face to feel fine." "Someone told me recently the butterfly is a symbol of resurrection." "That might be a cool idea for your caterpillar." "Nice one." "Yes, people often say I should wear more pink." "How did he die?" "A drunk driver." "In the middle of the day." "Our dishcloths were always dirty and it drove me around the bend." "I never made a fuss because I thought, you'll miss things like this when he's gone." "I thought I'd be ancient before he died." "A totally different person." "But he was just the same way, the way I loved him, when he... just wasn't there anymore." "Sorry." "It's fine." "I might get to profile Messi soon." "Do you know him?" "Sure I know Messi." "Lionel Messi." "Lionel Messi?" "It's not Lionel, it's Li-o-nel!" "Lionel Messi from Argentina." "Oh, sorry!" "What a beautiful name!" "He never loses possession of the ball because he stands there with the ball almost glued to his foot." "It's like he has hands there holding it." "Lionel Messi once scored a goal identical to Maradona's 20 years previously." "I'm so glad you're here." "When Neymar transferred to Barcelona, he said he got butterflies in the stomach from being able to play on Messi's team." "It's like being in love." "I don't get it, what appointment?" "On Sunday morning?" "Sorry, but you're separated." "What do you mean, "kind-of-separated"?" "You "kind-of" separated?" "Okay, listen up:" "don't call me again." "Shit!" "Oh shit, shit, damn shit." "Shit, shit, who are you?" "I'm Mark..." "Mark who?" "!" "Where's Clara?" "She fell asleep." "I didn't want to intrude." "Mark!" "Right, great." "She fell asleep?" "Yes." "Too much!" "And now you're on my sofa." "Old-fashioned and upright." "I see." "I'm Katja, hi." "Good night." "Hi." "Say, Mark..." "Got any siblings?" "Brothers?" "Er, what?" "Didn't mean to intrude..." "Marvellous." "Here." "Clara, want a coffee?" "Or a roll?" "Mark bought rolls." "No, thanks, I..." "I'm going for a jog." "Oh, well, then..." "I'll be going, too." "No need." "Finish your coffee, I... don't let me stress you out." "THE STEERING WHEEL STOPPED SMELLING OF YOU." "IT WAS THE LAST PLACE I STILL HAD YOU." "I MISS YOU SO MUCH." "COME BACK." "Why's it so difficult with you?" "You have to tell her." "This won't do!" "I'm not difficult." "The situation is." "It's a shitty, difficult situation." "Mr Wortmann!" "Where's the Ms Boot piece?" "I interview her tomorrow." "You'll have it the day after." "Good." "Fuck." "And there's that, too?" "I'll handle it." "I want to be yours..." "Yours and just yours..." "Cut!" "Wonderful, Henriette!" "I said the lights..." "Take five!" "Right." "What the..." "What happened to you?" "You're radiant." "You're on your feet." "You're slowly getting it." "You're slowly getting it." "How's your unknown caller?" "She's not unknown anymore." "You have my undivided attention." "But she's driving me crazy because she's still close to her ex, and he's dead." "Do you still have my stone?" "I still have your stone." "And what's her name?" "Clara Sommerfeld." "The Clara Sommerfeld, the one with the caterpillar?" "I've had to read her books out loud a hundred times." "Delightful." "She needs a bit of luck so she sees that life goes on." "I want her to stay with me." "I have an idea." "But it may be asking a bit much." "I like men who ask a bit much." "Hello?" "Hello, my name is Henriette Boot." "Are you... the singer?" "I need a cover for my new single." "And I'd be truly happy, dear Clara, if you'd draw me a butterfly." "I don't believe in providence, but..." "How mistaken." "How mistaken!" "That is so wonderful." "It's like the stars all coated in sugar." "Is it not wonderful when things are brought full circle?" "What circle?" "Any circle!" "So what are we doing?" "That." "That's what we're doing!" "I've something to tell you." "Will you come to the zoo to look at butterflies?" "It's crazy." "Almost eerie." "She called me just as I'd drawn a butterfly." "All gone?" "No, there's still..." "Ah!" "That was your most embarrassing experience?" "How sweet!" "You think it's sweet?" "What are the other crucial things?" "Sympathy:" "You have to like your partner as much as your best friend." "Trust, you need to know he'll always be there for you and never lie to you." "And the fourth?" "Er, passion:" "You have to want to sleep with him so much..." "Yes... that it hurts in the places he hasn't yet touched." "Well, do you have pains anywhere?" "Terrible ones." "Everywhere." "You overslept." "I have to be in the newsroom in 15 minutes." "I have to go." "HE DIDN'T KISS, TOUCH OR SMELL LIKE YOU." "You read them all?" "They were my most private thoughts." "I didn't even tell them to Katja." "Did you read them for fun or because you're a pervert or something?" "And then you stalked me?" "Kalle told me that every night... you were at the Gockel." "Clara!" "The mirabelles!" "This is so mad!" "I have to leave." "Let me say something." "Listen." "Let me speak." "You took Ben from me!" "That was my only contact to Ben." "I didn't take Ben from you." "Ben is no longer here." "I am here." "Clara, you're still wearing his ring." "Listen, I got them all." "They did something to me, the SMSes." "What did you think happens to old numbers or where the SMSes were going?" "I don't know." "I don't know, only I didn't guess... some asshole would be reading along." "Hey, little one." "Come on in." "That Mark!" "Kalle's kissing!" "Girls." "Kalle!" "Who's the lady?" "Phinchen, an old friend." "And how come you're kissing?" "It's all down to Clara." "Me?" "What have I done now?" "I saw little Clara with our Mark and said to myself:" "Karl-Heinz" " I call myself that when push comes to shove " "Karl-Heinz, you have to face facts." "So I sat down at that table once the last guest had left, poured us both a shot, drank both, to be honest, and said to Marie, I'll always be your husband... in my fashion." "Not like back then." "Well, the dead aren't so good at stroking backs." "I'm sure you'll agree." "Perhaps you're not cutting Mark much slack." "The situation he's in is anything but easy." "No." "Getting involved with a crazy girl who sends her dead fiancé SMSes... is tricky: you might just lie." " You and Ben might need a shot, too." "The person you are calling is currently unavailable." "FINALLY A BUTTERFLY" "What can we do?" ""What can we do?" Mark screwed up." "What was I to do?" "You should have told her from the start." "Oh really?" "Thanks, Niki." "I get it." "She let me know I'd made a mistake." "You should have said," ""Sorry, I really want to get to know you, but there's a problem." "I'm getting the SMSes you're sending your dead boyfriend." "I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want to take your thing with him from you." "This must be the weirdest way to meet someone and I'll understand if you go, but I didn't want to start with a lie."" "Yes, too right, David." "Absolutely." "Fuck yes, I get it." "I screwed up." "Maybe she's not picking up because it'd be too much if her dead boyfriend calls." "I don't know what to do." "I can't wait at her door all day." "Unless..." "No, Mark." "You can't do that." "Mark, you can't be doing that." "No!" "You'll lose your job!" "What's all this?" "His mind has turned to mush." "But there was one good thing about it all." "The ass inspired me to write a new Rieke book." "You have a new Rake book'?" "It's called "Finally a Butterfly"." "I thought it'd be nice to tell children that life goes on after an ending." "You know, to say:" "An end is a transformation, embrace it and something new begins." "And Mark inspired you to write this?" "Yes, want to see?" "Uhhuh." "And, er..." "Mark inspired you to write it?" "Are you nuts?" "He'll fire you, dude!" "Wortmann wants to see you." "Look." "Here it is." "Hello?" "!" "You prefer the papers?" "Or will you take a look?" "He's written an article about you." "What?" "Have you taken leave of your senses?" "Do you really think I'll stick my neck out for your sake?" "You're putting our reputation at stake." "It's the most outrageous behaviour I've ever encountered." "They have to think I'm giving you hell or they'll all write what they want." "Two weeks ago I'd have fired you." "But love... love can really make you crazy." "You've gone too far." "But your heart's in the right place." "Go see Messi." "For real?" "You fly today." "But I have my date." "Right." "Change it." "Messi's not always available!" "It's today or never!" "But then I'll have to print another one." "You'd better not!" ""SMS for Clara Sommerfeld, by Mark Zimmermann." "This was supposed to be a profile of Henriette Boot." "My remit: "crack" her." "No one has ever "cracked" her." "I didn't crack Henriette Boot." "She cracked me." "Henriette Boot is plastic, kitsch-cassette music made to move the dumb masses." "Or so I thought... until I met you, and was... who'd have thought it- touched for the first time." "Suddenly, Henriette Boot is not kitsch." "Or maybe she is." "Whatever." "She's down to earth and honest." "Shy like a small boy, naked to the bone." "Her x-ray vision penetrates so deep you have nowhere to hide." "Like I say, kitsch." "Or maybe just crazy, who can say?" "But that's love, as Henriette would say." "Love, which turns your mind to mush." "A heart started to beat." "Your heart in my hand." "Love's what counts, says Henriette." "Not who gives it, not who receives it, but love itself." "And she's right." "Henriette's always right." "Clara... maybe I dropped it, your heart." "Maybe I was just clumsy." "Maybe I'll never see you again, my heart." "That would be terrible." "Or... maybe, maybe you'll give love a chance." "Time and place?" "Where and when I fell in love with you." "Love never says I dunno."" "You know what, Clara?" "I love you and all that, but enough is enough." "He didn't do this cause he's an idiot, but because he's in love." "And lovers make mistakes." "Bernd was an asshole cause he didn't want me." "Mark was one because he wanted you." "Bad asshole, good asshole." "There's a difference, okay?" "Sometimes you're just not in the same place." "How should I know where and when you fell in love with me?" "Why are we here?" "Wait and see." "Hello, my dears!" "How nice you're here!" "You're like stars coated in sugar." "I would like you all to know that I wrote this song for two very special people:" "Mark and Clara." "Hi." "I dedicate the song to you both." "Hi." "I'm afraid it's our song, there's no way out." "I knew you long before you were there" "You spoke to me" "And taught me to care" "I knew no longing before I knew you" "I was on the run from me" "I want to be yours, yours" "Yours and just yours-yours" "So tell me it's yes Don't ever say no!" "Love knows no I dunno" "I want to be yours, yours" "So tell me it's yes Don't ever say no!" "Love knows no I dunno" "I had hoped" "That there was a you" "Now you are there" "And I love you true" "I never knew before what warmth meant" "But now you've set for me a precedent" "I want to be yours, yours" "Yours and just yours-yours" "So tell me it's yes Don't ever say no!" "Love knows no I dunno" "I want to be yours, yours" "Yours and just yours-yours" "So tell me it's yes Don't ever say no!" "Love knows no I dunno" "Don't think about it endlessly" "I don't want to hear you say:" "well possibly" "Look at me right now and tell me true" "Because right now the word "dunno" won't do" "I want to be yours, yours" "So tell me it's yes, Don't ever say no!" "Love knows no I dunno" "I want to be yours, yours" "Yours and just yours-yours" "So tell me it's yes, Don't ever say no!" "Love knows no I dunno" "So tell me it's yes!" "BABELFISCH TRANSLATIONS Thomas Cooper"