"So we just got a big break in our pursuit of local crime boss Max Rizzo, aka "Max the Axe."" "If I was a mobster, I think my mobster name would be "Franky Friction."" "That sounds like a porn name." "No, "Chubby Pumpaloaf" sounds like a porn name." "Okay, Spencer, please?" " My bad, chief." " Mm-hmm." "Now, Rizzo's longtime accountant," "Herb Pollack, has reportedly fled the organization with a sizeable amount of Rizzo's cash and copies of all of his financial records, which means that if we can get to Pollack before Rizzo does, we'll have all the evidence to put this lowlife away" "for a very long time." "Oh, detective, we were just discussing the fact" "Bup, bup, bup, I am not here." "I took the day off to do my wedding planning, remember?" "I don't want to be bothered with any police business." "That's Max Rizzo and his accountant." "Who just fled the organization." "What?" "That is huge news... which I will deal with tomorrow... when I return to work." "You're doing all your wedding planning in one day?" "Yes, because I have male parts." "Here, check it out." "I already have the save-the-dates." "One for you... one for you." "I don't know you." "For you, and one for you." " Uh, Carlton?" " Mm-hmm?" "It says you're getting married this Saturday." "2:00 P.M. sharp." "Now, be on the lookout for the actual invite which should be arriving in three, two, one, hey-yo!" "There you go." "One for you and one for you and..." "Um, it says to RSVP by noon today." "What can I say?" "I've got one speed, and it is full throttle." "Plus, there was a last-minute cancelation at Casten Meadows." "Okay, so I feel like my briefing is done." "Thank you, everyone." " O'Hara?" " Yep." "Looks like I'm gonna have to go to this solo." "Rachael's in London taking Max to see his dad." " You didn't tell me that." " I'm telling you now." "And you're cool?" " Of course." "Why wouldn't I be?" " I don't know." "'Cause she's in a foreign land with an old flame." "He might be all..." "[In Jamaican accent] "Hey, my girl." ""You want to see my johnnycake?" "Row-ti-ti!"" "Okay, first of all," "Rachael and I have a secure relationship." "And secondly, her ex is British, not Jamaican." "Oh, hey, Chief, O'Hara, uh, Marlowe's former cell mate, Big Wendy, is organizing a bachelorette party for her the night before the wedding, and I know she was hoping you two could make it." "Uh, didn't Big Wendy do time for killing a man in a bar fight?" "Uh, paralyzing a man in a bar fight, and she's rehabilitated now." "Come on, it'll be fun." "It's gonna be at the Agua Verde Hotel and Casino in Santa Ynez." "That place is first class all the way." "Isn't McNab doing part-time security work there?" "Fine, most of the way." "What do you say?" " Yeah, I'm afraid that, um..." " I think that..." "Great!" "I'll give Big Wendy your phone numbers." "Marlowe's gonna be so excited." "Lassie, we're a little hurt that you didn't invite us to your bachelor party." "We'd invite you to ours." "Provided a bunch of people dropped out." "And you were willing to pay for stuff." "Yeah, well, there's not gonna be a bachelor party, so..." " Whoa, say what?" "What?" " What?" "What?" "Well, there is so much work to do around here." "I mean, Rizzo's accountant is out there for the taking." "[Both imitates buzzer sounding]" "And Stumpy is tied up in Chicago and doesn't look like he'll be able to make the wedding, let alone a bachelor party, so..." " Who is Stumpy?" " And how did he lose his leg?" "Duh." "He's my best friend." "He's my best man." "He's the Stumpinator." "We grew up together." "He is the funniest guy you will ever meet." "If you'll excuse me, I got some planning to do." "Hey, Dobson, you know how to tend bar, right?" "Just think, in less than 29 hours, you are going to be" "Mrs. Marlowe Lassiter." "[Horn honking and tires screeching]" " Come on, girl!" " She's coming!" "Why don't you come say hello to the girls?" "I would love to, but I'm not armed." "Come on, girl!" "Let's go!" "We ain't love him like that." "She's coming." "Settle down, she's coming." "You'll see his bony ass tomorrow." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "I hear you talking." "Oh, hey, baby, toss me one of those, uh..." " I love you." " Love you too, boo." "[Tires squealing]" "[Rustling]" "Note to whoever is there-- step to me, and I whip out the enormous piece" "I have under this robe." "Morning, Sherman." "[Rustling]" "Sherman?" "Son of a" " Welcome, Dorothy." " You're not in Kansas anymore." "Surprise!" "[All shouting]" "Son of a bitch!" "What the hell, man?" "What the hell?" "Welcome to your bachelor party on the party bus!" "Damn it, Spencer, didn't I tell you I did not want" "You said you didn't want a bachelor party unless Stumpy could come, so..." "Ta-da!" "What's up, ass-face?" "Oh, man!" "[Shouting]" "We tracked him down and convinced him to come," " just like that!" " I can't believe it!" "All right, what do say we get this show on the road?" "Let's do this." "All:" "Yeah!" "[The Friendly Indians' I Know You Know]" "♪ I know you know that I'm not telling the truth ♪" "♪ I know you know they just don't have any proof ♪" "♪ embrace the deception ♪" "♪ learn how to bend ♪" "♪ your worst inhibitions ♪" "♪ tend to psych you out in the end ♪" "Now, don't worry about extra clothes, because we had Marlowe pack you an overnight bag." "And I brought sandwiches made with the good stuff." "That's right-- turkey loaf!" " Turkey loaf!" " Oh, oh, oh!" "And if anybody craves the delicious combo of lime jell-o and grain alcohol..." "Voila!" "All right, now, I do have to say, though, things cannot get too crazy tonight." "I mean, I am getting married tomorrow, so no funny business, like slipping me an illegal substance as they did in The Hangover." "Okay, first of all, that was a movie and not a very realistic one." "[Chuckling] I mean, only insane people do that kind of stuff." "Yeah, really." "[Toilet flushes] Whoo!" "Stumpy, five." "Tiny toilet, one." "[Laughter] Yeah!" "It's the Stumpmeister!" "Ha!" "Man, I still can't believe that you are here." "It's your wedding, brah!" "Come on, ladies, who needs one?" " Right here." " This guy right here." "Right there." "I'd like to propose a toast... to the unfortunate broad that has to marry this clown." "[Laughter]" " Cheers!" " Whoo-hoo-hoo!" " Damn it!" " I did that!" "[Brake squealing]" "Oh, didn't I tell you this guy was hilarious?" "It's funny because it's so smart." "What did I tell you about keeping this thing clean?" "Oh, come on, pop." "It's a--it's a party bus." "Yeah, but the rental contract is under my name." "First, you scuff up the support beam, and now this?" " Dad, that's a stripper pole." " Don't be a smart-ass." "Okay." "[Laughter]" "All:" "Yeah!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "[Door lock beeps]" "Ooh, this gonna do just fine." " Ooh." "Yeah." " Huh." "Oh, um..." "Yeah, uh, uh..." "Hey, I see that there's only one bed?" "Not to be a pain or anything, but I've got back issues, and a cot just is not an option." "Yeah, ditto." "Who said anything about sleeping?" "Now suit up." "[Gasps]" " Oh." " Oh, my God!" " [Chuckles]" " Ooh, I love it." "Ooh, oh, wow." "[Chuckles]" "Did a hooker will these to you or...?" "[All chuckling] No." "They're mine." "Oh." "Well, uh, now that I look at it," "I mean, this is exactly the kind of dress that I would love to buy myself but that I wouldn't have the..." " Guts to do it." " Guts to buy myself." "Girl, I'm just playing with you!" "[Laughter]" "All right, let's do some shots, baby!" "Get this party started!" "Uh, yeah." "Um, I don't really do shots." " In fact, I rarely drink." " Oh, come on, Karen." "No, no, no, no." "Really, really, this is just-- it's not a great idea." "I mean, I'm the chief of police." "And I'm the chief of making bitches do shots." "All righty, then." "I'll see you in the E.R." "All right, okay." " 20 more, girl. 20 more." " [Groans]" " This place is just like Vegas." " A little smaller." "I'm guessing the escorts might be a bit dicey." "Then again, we haven't really started drinking yet." "And the criteria's bound to change." "We can look, but we can't touch." "[Chuckles]" "Why do you keep checking that thing?" "Uh, no reason." "Whoa, ho, ho!" "He is moving the hips!" " He's working the room!" " Somebody's having fun!" "All right, I admit it-- it is good to be here." "I mean, you guys won't believe this, but I get so caught up with work and opposing the health care law at a grassroots level that sometimes I just forget to, you know, cut loose and have some fun." " Hey!" "Ass-iter!" " Stump-iter!" "I can't believe this guy is here!" " Oh-- - [Laughs]" "Oh!" "Every time!" "Every time." "Hey, I need 300 bucks." "Come on." "You got it, Stumpelstiltskin." "That should do it." " There you go." " Uh-huh." "Oh!" "[Chuckles] Is that guy awesome or what?" "We totally understand why you dig him so much." "Granted, the Stumpinator and I-- we're very different people, but at his core, the Stumpinator is one of the most decent and trustworthy people you will ever meet." "Well, now, you gentlemen excuse me." "I'm gonna go shoot some craps." "Hey-yo!" "[Laughing]" "His friend is an idiot, but I must say it is nice seeing Lassie cut loose." "I agree." "It's all about getting him away from work." "Yeah." "I think I'm gonna go join him." "You're gonna shoot craps?" "Nah, I'll be at the nickel slots." "Eh." "If we can get to Pollack before Rizzo does, we'll have all the evidence to put this lowlife away for a long time." " Oh, my God!" " And you two--I knew it!" "All right, girls." "Girls, girls, girls." "Is it just me, or has it gotten hot up in here?" "Oh, it's pretty hot." "[Whistle blows]" "You have the right to remain silent." "[Woman screaming, dance music playing]" "Shake it, baby!" "Yes!" "You better shake it!" "[Women shouting and laughing]" "That is not okay." "That's illegal!" "Aah!" "[Gasps]" "Buzz?" "I swear, I can explain." "I'm sober now." "Congratulations." "Okay, what is this, uh, straight-to-voice-mail nonsense?" "Dude, where did you go?" "Call me back." " I miss you." " Hey." "You said you were going to play the nickel slots." "Explain yourself." "You got all in my head about Rachael's ex being-  [Jamaican accent] Ey, my girl." " He's not Jamaican." "But she hasn't called since she landed, and I'm starting to get nervous." "All right, look, it's probably the time difference, okay?" "Besides, we have much bigger issues right now." " What?" " Herb Pollack is here." " Max Rizzo's accountant?" " What are the odds?" "We got to alert the local police and get Lassie the hell out of here." "Otherwise, our sweet little party is gonna become a work trip." "[Elevator bell dings]" "Oh, hey, guys." "Look who I found." " Hello." " Shut up." "[Chuckles] I rule." "Nice freakin' party." "Where's Stumpy, by the way?" "Somewhere disappointing Jesus." "Aw, come on, gang." "Cheer up." "We will recommence the festivities as soon as we drop this schlub off to the local authorities for safekeeping." "Well, you do realize that I'm no good without the flash drives, right?" "You think I just walk around with hard copies of a mob boss's taxes?" "They're all on a couple of drives back at my apartment." "So we'll drop you off to the local brethren" " and come back for 'em later." " Okay." "That is assuming that Rizzo doesn't get to them first." "[Sighs] One doesn't get to be a ruthless crime lord without being persistent." "Look, my condo is three blocks that way." "I'll run in real quick." "If you are messing with me, I will punch you in the face" " so hard" " Look." "I want to put him away too." "That way, he won't kill me." "Damn it." "Henry, bang a right up here." "Henry, bang a right." "You said you were working security here." "No, I said I wore a security uniform here, which is technically true, though this one's a tear-away." "How long have you been doing this?" "A couple of months." "Francine and I are saving for a new condo, and we really need the extra cash." "You know, plus, it's a great group of guys, and we really support each other, and I never go full nude." " I just strip down to the thong" " Buzz, buzz." "Oh, God." "This is awful, isn't it?" "I'm gonna get fired, aren't I?" "[Groans]" "Not if you leave right now." " [Whispering] I was never here." " [Whispering] Okay." "Oops." "I forgot my boomer." "Marlowe?" "What's wrong?" "We can get another stripper." "What if I can't go through with it?" "Well, there's pay-per-view." "There's" "That's not what I'm talking about." "Whoa." "Wait." "What happened?" "It's just all happening so fast." "I mean, I love Carlton, but three weeks ago," "I was in a cell making soap tchotchkes." "Look, this is a huge step for Carlton too." "I mean, you two are crazy about each other." "[Groans]" "I got to get some air." "[Exhales deeply]" "The flash drives are in my bedroom." "I put it in a hollowed-out book." "Do you think I give a rat's ass where it is?" "Go get it." "Whoa." "This dude has a receipt for a ticket to a Michael Damian concert." "Huh." "Why would you take that?" "Because it had a picture of Michael Damian on it." "[Tennis match playing on TV] 15-love." "Bro, you got a monster backhand." "Run!" "Battery acid." " I'll take a case." " Oh, okay." " [Shouting]" " Henry, fire up the bus!" " Come on, strode!" "Run!" " Why are we running?" "[Gun cocks]" "[Bullets ricocheting]" "[Cell phone rings]" "Uncle Max." "Tell me you two crap heads found Pollack." "Well, we did." "Then that cop from Santa Barbara that looks like Mr. Bean got him." "Lassiter?" "What the hell's that goon doing up in Santa Ynez?" "Getting married, apparently, to some broad named Marlowe." "Skip the paraffin, Jing-Wei." "I got to bounce." " Chief." " Oh, yeah?" "Have you seen Marlowe?" "I have not." "Ain't no way she left this casino." "She couldn't have, not wearing them ho clothes." "[Chuckles]" "Excuse me." "Do any of you three have dongs?" "Because I failed to ask that of the last prostitute and lived to regret it." "[Whimpers]" " Let's go." " Hey." "Oh, but..." "Well, do we have any idea where she is?" "Okay." "Who was that?" "Was it Rachael?" "Why would Rachael call me?" "That was Jules." "What'd she want?" "Uh, your firearms are being delivered" " to the hotel as requested." " Excellent." "Let's dump off this loser and get back to stumping' up the jam." "[Cell phone rings]" "Ooh, hang on." "Who the hell is this?" " Speak." " Carlton Lassiter..." "It's your old friend Max Rizzo." "Well, speak of the devil." "How you been, scumbag?" "Funny you should call." "I happen to be standing with a buddy of yours." "Oh, hang on." "He wants to say hello." " Say hello." " Hello?" "Bam!" "Your ass is going down for a long time." "Is that right?" "[Chuckles] Well, that should be interesting." "Yeah." "'Cause you see, as luck would have it," "I'm hanging out with an old friend of yours." "Baby." "Marlowe?" "Son of a bitch proposed a straight-up swap." "Marlowe for Herb-- that's the deal." "I have one weakness in this life, and he has her." "She's probably scared to death, and I'm not there to help her." "Oh, let her go, C-dog." "There are, like, 3 billion chicks out there that need dudes like us, and that's just in the Ukraine." "That doesn't make any sense." "This is by far the worst selection of adult features I've ever seen." "Chitty Chitty Gangbang?" "Batman and Throbbin'?" "Hannah Does Her Sisters?" "I saw that in '92." "Where's the slo-mo?" "Can't risk it." "I won't." "I have waited too long, and I am going to marry my fiancee tomorrow." "I will put that greasy scumbag Rizzo away some other day soon." "We make the swap." "We make it now." "Uh, what about the chief?" " Oh." " You must try and hydrate." "I can't feel my skin." "I haven't done shots since college, and I just didn't want to be the wet blanket." "I know you didn't." "What's stuck to my lip?" "It's a peanut shell, Karen." "I believe the chief is okay with this plan." "Yeah." "Let's grab Herb out of the bedroom." "Uh, hey, y'all." "Um, we got a serious problem." "Uh, why are you wearing a towel?" "Oh, you--you guys are gonna be so mad." "Um, Herb got away." "I mean, little weasel just jumped out the damn window." "Is this some kind of joke?" "This is my life!" "Pollack!" "Wendy, what happened?" "He was handcuffed to the bedpost." "He ripped himself from it." "I mean, and, like, he gnawed his paw like a wolf." "Woody." "I'm sorry, but she smells like biscuits." "Aw, thanks, boo." "[Chuckles]" "Ooh." "What am I supposed to do now?" "Someone tell me what in the hell I am supposed to do now." " O'Hara?" " Come here." "Sit." "Breathe." " Sit and breathe." " I have an idea." "Hope is not lost." "How much do you trust me?" "[Tires screeching]" "You all right there, honey bunny?" "[Indistinct muttering]" "You put a gag on her, you son of a bitch?" "Why is she in a housecoat?" "If you so much as breathed on her" "Oh, nobody touched her." "Now, give me my rat." "Let's go." "Go ahead." "Walk towards my voice, baby." "All right, this way." "There you go, baby." "Hope you said your prayers, Herb." "Hey, and remember, he ends up in a ditch," "I will have you by the plums for murder." "I mean, don't you think your little buddy Herb there made copies of those files?" "If I were you, I'd give him a raise and take him out to dinner and a show." "Don't you try to tell me about my business." "[Moaning and groaning]" "Man, have some respect for yourself." "Good luck there, Herb." "You're on borrowed time, dirtbag." "[Chuckles] Catch me if you can, ham bone." "Take it to the bank." "There you go, baby." "[People screaming, laughing in the distance]" "[Tires screech]" "You double-crossed me, you rat bastard!" "Look who's talking, you son of a bitch!" "Who the hell is that?" "Retired detective first grade Henry Spencer." "I busted your Uncle Sal in '83, so go ahead, punch me in the face as hard as you can." "I knew I couldn't trust you." "That is not my future wife!" "No, but I could be." "Jesus of Nazareth, where the hell is my fiancee?" "All right, look." "Your gal got the drop on my idiot nephew Tito back at the hotel." "See, it turns out he ordered a companion up to his room, sight unseen." "She shows up." "The dong comes out." "Your gal seizes the moment, and Bob's your uncle." "I got to hand it to you, Lassiter-- you are marrying one tough broad there." "She even busted out some Muay Thai in the hallway before she jumped out the window." "That is my gal." "Ironically, your boy Herb slipped through the fingers of my coroner and Marlowe's recently paroled maid of honor." "All right, so what do you say we just pretend" " it never happened?" " Yeah, fine by me." "You'll be behind bars within a week anyway." "Fat chance." "I'll see you in your nightmares, pony boy." "W-wait a second-- are you telling me that Rizzo had the same exact plan we did?" "Yep, which means my fiancee's still missing." " We're going to find her." " That Rizzo's a cagey bastard." "Taking off my hood, he sees I'm not Herb." "He has his lackey turn up the radio." "He knows I'm wearing a wire." "Whoo!" "I got to tell you, I haven't felt this alive since Jerry Carp shot me in the chest." " When you almost died?" " Exactly." "Team, thank you for getting me back in the game." "Hey!" "Are we gonna party or what?" "[All groan]" "[Tires squeal]" "It's impossible!" "There's no way she jumped out of this window!" " It's too high!" " Not for Spider-Man." "What?" "He wouldn't even need his webs." "He could just scale with his sticky crawl." "What the heck am I talking about?" "Uh, Lassie, that ledge actually turns the corner and runs along the side of the building towards the fire escape." "That's it!" "She must've gone through the window, onto the ledge, tight-roped her way around and made her escape." "Our children are going to be seal time 6 members!" "Wait a second." "If Marlowe's just walking around free as a bird, why hasn't she called?" "Maybe she got hungry or..." "Maybe you should shut up, Guster." "It's a valid question, Lassie." "Carlton, there's something you should know." " Marlowe and I" " Ooh!" "Silence, woman!" "Sorry, sweetheart." "I'm getting something." "You are marrying one tough broad there." "She even busted out some Muay Thai in the hallway before she jumped out the window." "Wow!" "Ha!" "That is easily the most spectacular vision" "I've ever had!" "I know where she is!" "[Speaking native language]" "I-I got it from here, buddy." "I'd like my face to be the first thing she sees." "[Speaking native language]" "Baby!" "[Shrieking]" "[Gasps] Oh, Carlton." "Oh, are you okay?" "Was that..." "a spinning back fist?" "Yeah." " My God, I love you." " [Sighs, moans]" "I knew you'd come." "I just knew it." "How'd you know I was here?" "Spencer-- he had a vision." "I got to say it was a pretty spectacular one." "Come on." "I'm never letting you out of my sight again." " [Sighs]" " Ever." "Deal." "But not until after the wedding because it would be really bad luck for you to see me in my dress." "Oh, my God, what time is it?" "Yeah, we have less than two hours, and we have a lot of work to do, so you are coming with me." "See you at the Meadow." "Guard her with your life!" "That's not hyperbole!" "Good work, Spencer." " I owe you one." " Yeah." "Let's go grab the fellas and suit up." "Judas Priest, strode." " What the hell are you doing?" " Oh..." "When you said put on your suit, you didn't mean we were all going for a dip in the grotto?" "Why would I possibly mean that?" "Well, you weren't very specific." "My suit suit is on the bus." "Change on the way." "Come on!" "[Woody shouts indistinctly]" "Losing Herb's gonna leave a mark, but with an A.P.B. out on him, there's no way he's going anywhere." "I want those files." "Yeah?" "So does Rizzo." "I think Herb is still here." "What are you talking about?" "That crafty fox man." "He figured that we would assume that he would run, so he stuck around." "Either that, or he's the world's biggest Michael Damian fan." " Or both." " [Laughs]" "I am about to make Lassie's year." "Did you miss me?" "Not particularly." "You know, I-I really got to pee." "Try not to think of a warm summer's rain." "Henry!" "Take me to my wedding." "Uncle Max?" "Get ready to be happy." "Oh, I can feel my heartbeat in my face." "Well, you did have at least six shots of tequila last night." " How are you feeling?" " Good." "I guess I just needed a little bit of me time." "The truth is, the whole time that I was stuck in there," "I never panicked, not once." "I just knew Carlton was gonna come." "I felt safe, if that makes any sense." "And then it hit me." "Carlton is always going to be there... always." "I never have to worry about losing him." "Unless his ass gets shot." "Oh." "You know what?" "But that's why the po-po be wearing them bulletproof vests, girl." " All right." " It's all good." "Yeah." "You have to know you make him so happy." "I have never seen him this full of life and hope." "Look, it's gonna be hard." "I mean, there will be days that you just want to hop on a plane to the South of France and meet a young winemaker on a bicycle." "Oh, and all he wants to do is cook for you and make love." "But then there will be those days when you are sick in bed, and he'll rub your feet, or he'll try to make you eggs florentine from a recipe that he found online..." "Oh, or that day when he walks into your hospital room holding your newborn son, and he will him lay gently on your chest, and he tells you that you look beautiful, even though you know you look like hell frozen over..." "[Cell phone rings]" "And it all will be worth it." "How the hell my parole officer gonna call me when I'm trying to put my face on?" "What you want, Trenice?" "And I promise never to clone your cell phone... my princess." "[Laughs] There it is." "Now it sings." "[Chuckles]" "Madeline and I didn't write our own vows." "She wanted to, but I was my usual, stubborn, traditional self." "Sure hope you drafted a prenup." "Shut up, Herb." "If you knew the pure, celestial love that I have surrendered to, you wouldn't worry about money." "Plus, just shut up." "I thought I knew that love." "It turns out I mistook it for a soulless concubine who cheated on me 12 times with 10 men." "What?" "Oh, I-I have a natural part." "Why fight it?" "[Man retching]" "Wait." "So that guy who's vomiting jell-o is your best man?" " Seriously?" " Didn't I tell you to shut up?" "Herb is right, Lassie." "I mean, your best friend is a tool." "Grade-A D-bag, no question." "He's not my best friend, okay?" "He's not my boy." "He's not my man." "I haven't seen the guy since high school." "He was the only other member of the Anti-Glee Club that bothered to come to meetings." "You know what?" "I don't need to explain myself." "Why would you lie about something like that?" "Because I was embarrassed, okay?" "It's embarrassing that I didn't have somebody that I was super tight with to ask to my bachelor party." "That's why I didn't want one, and you two ninnies go and call my bluff, and..." "Jackass' name is the first thing that popped into my head, so I just--I rolled with it." "Brings me so much relief to hear you say that." "So give him your pity, not me, because you know what?" "I'm happy with who I am." "Besides, bromances are overrated." "Marlowe gives me all the companionship" "I will ever need." "Now, that being said..." "I do appreciate the gesture." "Gentlemen." "But what I'm asking for here is a favor." "Big Wendy is the maid of honor." "What kind of parole officer are you, Trenice?" "Uh-uh!" "See, I could've lied my butt off, you know?" "But I told the truth, and this how you do me?" "You just mad 'cause I'm a full-figured woman." "And you starving." "Ya hungry!" "Now, as I was saying, I can personally guarantee that she will not leave my sight or touch another drop of alcohol for the remainder of the evening." ""Well, what is good enough?"" "said the Chief of Police." "Your Justice of the Peace is a drunk?" "He's not answering his cell phone, and apparently no one has seen him since May Day!" "What the hell am I supposed to do now?" " Um..." " I'm licensed." "Zip it!" "Wait." "What?" "Yeah, I'm a licensed Justice of the Peace." "I could marry you." "Why the hell didn't you say that before?" "Because you keep telling me to shut up, and you handcuffed me to a bedpost and a stripper pole." "Herb, I could kiss you right now." " All right." " Come with me!" "[Chuckles]" " Fortuitous." " Yeah." "Yeah." "Buzz!" "Why are you still wearing that?" "I had to come straight from my other gig." "Nice day, huh?" "Where's Franny?" "I didn't get a plus-one." "Huh." "[Bird squawks]" "What?" "Oh, son of a" "Oh." " Hi, ladies." " Hi." "I wish I had two moms... or one, for that matter." "Okay, here we go." "Is this really necessary?" "Just smile, and we'll get through this." "She's not even here." " [Sighs]" " I feel like Kunta Kinte." "[Clears throat]" "Here." "What the hell?" "Everybody take cover!" "Marlowe, hit the deck!" "Everybody down!" "[Gunfire]" "Ahh!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "I'm not here." "I'm not here." "I'm in my happy place." "I'm in my happy place." " I'm in space camp." " They're all packing!" "Of course they are." "It's a cop wedding." "Don't move!" "Put it down!" "You coward." "Freeze, Rizzo!" " McNab!" " I got him." "[Pants tearing, people gasp]" "Great Caesar's ghost." " Oh." " That's--that's happening." "Call me." "[Laughing]" "You okay, babe?" "Now, where were we?" "Marlowe Viccellio, you have given me something to believe in even stronger than the NRA's code of ethics." "I love you, now and for all eternity." "I hope there's an open bar." "Bar?" "Man, I'm hungry." "Carlton, do you take Marlowe to be your lawfully wedded wife?" "I do." "And, Marlowe, do you take Prince Carlton to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "You bet your ass I do." "Then by the power vested in me by an online course I took last year during jury duty," "I now pronounce you man and wife." "You may kiss the bride." "[Cheers and applause]" "[Camera shutter clicks]" "[Wang Chung's Everybody Have Fun Tonight playing]" "♪ ♪" "[Cell phone beeping]" "Hey, baby, what's up?" "No, no, I wasn't worried at all." "You know, I figured you're over there doing your thing." "I'm over here doing my thing, partying and whatnot." "Come on, son." "[Scoffs]" " Hey." " Huh?" " What are you doing?" " Hmm?" "Will you please Wang Chung with me?" " Will you" " Later, I promise, but right now I am enjoying this cake." "I love cake." "You know I love cake." "I deserve this, damn it." "At least have the common decency to wash it down with a fresh flute of--what is that?" " Prosecco." " Or three." "I accept, and I'm freezing." "Oh, baby." "Better put your arms in there." "You won't be able to use them." " Oh, yes." " Oh..." " What?" " Say cheese or something." "Oh." "Cheese or something!" "[Camera shutter clicks]" "[Giggles] Back in a jiff." "Oh, and--and get whatever you want." "Ooh." "Dos proseccos, please?" " Thank you very much." " Hey." "Pop." "I saw you doing the Humpty dance with Woody earlier." "I got to admit, I did not see that coming." "I can still surprise you after all these years, huh?" "Can I have a beer?" "[Sighs] Look at those two." "I'll tell you, when it's good, there's nothing like it-- just pure, uncomplicated." ""Uncomplicated"?" "Can't say I'm familiar with that concept." "Yeah, it's 'cause you're a Spencer." "Thank you." "It's in your DNA." "We instinctively make things as difficult for ourselves as possible." "You know, your mother-- she wanted to see the world." "That was her one big thing, to see the world." "Did we ever take a trip?" " No." " No." "By the time I wised up, it was too late." "You're like the old guy in Up." "Except your mother's still alive." "What's happening right now?" "I'm just saying it'd be nice to see you break the cycle." "No." "[Clears throat]" "Where's yours?" "I did a shot of absinthe at the bar." "Shawn, I need to ask you something, and I'm sure this is just me overthinking things, but, um, yesterday you were at the hotel." "You saw the hallways." "You know the layout." "Guilty as charged." "Well, you said that you had this spectacular vision that Marlowe was covered in garbage." "But couldn't you have just remembered that there was a trash chute on every floor and then taken a guess?" "Uh... yeah." "I-I suppose so, but that would've been a pretty wild guess, don't you think?" "Absolutely, and, you know," "I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought, but then there was this." "And I am sure there's an explanation, but you know me." "I won't be able to stop thinking about it, and I certainly won't be able to Wang Chung until we clear it up." "Lassiter said you had a vision of Herb with Michael Damian, but you had this receipt, so you knew Herb would be there, right?" "Maybe the best things... the richest things aren't supposed to come easily, and that sometimes the moments that make the most sense happen when everything else doesn't." "Shawn, are you listening to me?" "Falling in love with you was never part of the plan, okay?" "This whole thing started because my ass was on the line." "Self-preservation, Jules-- you got to understand that." "I didn't have a choice." "And then... we sort of found a groove, and by the time you showed up, it was so much fun." "[Chuckles]" "I put away, like, over 100 criminals." "Most of them were murderers." "I'm good at what I do." "And what I do... it's good... isn't it?" "What are you talking about?" "Are you telling me this is all a lie?" "Please don't make me answer that." "Oh, my God." "[Sniffles] Oh, my God, I feel so stupid." "No, sweetheart." "No, this... this is all me." "This" "Let me call you back."