"This film is dedicated to all women." "If it will help remove even one defect to one woman,.." "our effort won't have been useless..." "However, despite being dedicated to women,.." "the film begins with a man, cavalier Scaparro." "The sweet companion of his life..." "That is: don't dirt the floor polish, and do NOT toss ashes on it..." "After a healthful workday, he is about to enjoy the rest of the just man..." "It's goodnight time." ""The revenge of the corpse"" "So, where were we?" "Here you go." ""The Baron, with one hand, took the revolver,.." "with the other hand took the sword, and with the other a rifle."" "How many hands did he have?" "Well!" "It is a giallo !" ""And so,..." "And so the baron..." "And so the baron..." "Yes, I understand." "You would like to know why.." "I do not read this book in my own bed, comfortably sloppy,.." "after an honest day's work!" "Moreover, as would be my right!" "C'est la vie!" "Why?" "According to you,.." "a married man, I say,.." "married!" ", has the right to read a book in his own bed, so, with impunity?" "Huh?" "What?" "What?" "What?" "Louder, louder." "Aw, come on!" "Get out of here!" "One says,.." "he's the head of the family, the evening comes home tired,.." "worked hard all day, poor man ..." "The wife:" ""Oh, dear, you're back!"" ""Are you tired?" "He is so tired, poor darling!"" ""Rather than going to the movies, you want to read a good book in bed?"" "Yes?" "Sure, darling?"" "You'd like that, huh?" ",.." "you husbands, that your wives would speak to to you in such a way,.." "or in such a manner, then, is the same!" "Instead, now, I'll show you myself what would have happened to me, miserable,.." "if I only dared to read this book in the bedroom." "We want to know?" "We really want to know?" "Alright!" "After the usual, and ritual.." "Goodnight, sweetheart!" " Goodnight, golden ravioli!" "Will you turn off the light!" "?" "Sorry, dear." "It's a giallo, it's very interesting!" "Be patient, huh?" "You know it's late!" " I know." "Turn a minute on that side, be good." "But what you reading?" " Holy patience!" "See dear?" ""The Revenge the corpse"." "I read it too." "So not to waste your time, I tell you." "The murderer is the gardener." "When one, of a detective story, knows from the outset who the murderer is,.." "he better throw it away!" "Yes!" "Huh?" "Yes, you could tell me: "Is it possible that a man must really read in bed?" "There's no other places, other sites, other moments?" "He must really read in the loft, in the cold?"" "No !" "No !" "No !" "No !" "No !" "No !" "No !" "We didn't understand each other!" "Not that I've got it against women!" "God forbid, anything but, indeed!" "However, if you have a moment of time, I want to show you what they are, them." "Colon:.." "inappropriate, arrogant, gloomy, reckless,.." "malicious, superficial, selfish, envious, dull, hexose!" "Yes, I say: hexose!" "And they'll embitter you those 4 days that remain to be living." "Wait a minute!" "Just think.." "that the most recent statistics establish the relationship between man and woman.." "at four to one!" "You understand?" "For every four women, only one man!" "Four against one!" "You take advantage of that, huh?" "You take advantage of that, huh?" "You take advantage..." "The truth is that, since birth, man is obsessed by women." "The truth is that man, since he's born, is obsessed by the woman." "It's no use that, as a child, he does write on the bib: "Do not kiss me"." "The ladies on visit will not give up attacking him ferociously.." "with the most terrible weapons in their possession, the kiss and the cheek pinch." "And after being embittered by the nurses,.." "by the classmates who won't let him copy the test,.." "by the aunts who take him to the Cafe to chat with each other,.." "by the way, it's indeed on those endless afternoons spent with the aunts.." "that man, to kill time, discovers that the fingers.." "can be also put in the nose!" ".." "man grows up then to be obsessed by the dealers of medals for charity,.." "by switchboard operators who, instead of answering, read romance novels,.." "and when in the morning he goes to work,.." "by those cursed who, in the tram, cross their legs up to there,.." "I say, up to there, like they were two limbs that don't concern them!" "And,.." "if the poor man takes a look, are offended as well!" "Got that?" "Then, also at work, I'm in close touch with my natural enemy." "I am a clerk in a fabric store." "Regularly turns out to me the customer who pretends the clerk to understand.." "on the fly what she wants, and that not even she knows!" "Good morning lady." " Good morning." "Do you have crepe georgette?" " Definitely." "No, listen, sorry." " Tell me." "No, actually I think satin is better." " As you wish." "Satin." "The chiffon?" "Maybe chiffon is better!" "No?" "If you want chiffon, I'll take it." "Sure, lady." "Well then, a faille." " Huh?" " Faille." "Don't you think it suits me better?" "Yes, in fact it is a wonderful fabric, a heavy cloth, and wears well." "Right away madam." "What color would you like, this faille?" "Red." "Red?" " Yes." " Sure enough!" "Yes, you think it suits me, right?" " Yes, in fact red befits you." "In fact, as soon as I saw you, I said "that lady...red must befit her a lot"!" "Wait a minute, though!" "Red." "But not a red...red!" "A nice green red?" " No, a red a little...how do you say?" "A hue of bishop red?" " No." " Cardinal Red?" "No." " Pope red !" "?" " No !" "And which red do you want?" "A red, you see, that gives on violet, but not violet...violet." "A violet that it gives on blue!" " A violin!" "Yes, by violin I mean a light violet." "You see madam, here we have the whole range of violet." "Violet violoncello." " No." " Violet contrabass." " No." "The violent violet!" " What?" " Violet violet." " No." "It's not it, not it." "See, I want that color...you know, that color...of a sunset sky..." "Roman sunset!" " Pincian Hill red." " No!" "Pincian Hill gives on dim!" "Right!" "There's no light on Pincian Hill!" " A bit beyond." "Towards ..." "Trinita dei Monti!" "Like the red you see from via Capo le Case." " Yes." "Around twilight..." " Around 5.30 p.m.!" " Exactly, exactly." "You have it ?" " No." "Then you have nothing!" " What you mean?" "Watch your language!" "We have everything!" "Look around you, look at the stuff!" " But you don't have the stuff I want!" "I want a warmer color!" " A warmer color!" "We have radiator color, OK?" "That an answer?" "Don't try to be funny!" " You wanted a warm color!" "No, no, that's not it, absolutely." "Let's see,.." "got anything operated?" " What?" " Anything operated?" "A cousin of mine: had appendectomy." " That an answer?" "Keep your place!" "It's hours that..." " What's wrong?" " I don't know!" "There is nothing of what I want!" " Actually, I, for the lady..." "You must serve the lady in the best way!" "And with all the merchandise we have." "And then, be quick too!" "Sorry." " There!" "Good!" "You see?" " Excuse me, ma'am." "No, I don't like this." "Show me that one farther." "Yes, that one." "Wait a minute!" " Ouch!" "Wait a minute!" "Wait a minute!" "At last I found!" " I'm glad, ma'am." "I'll take a sample and I bring it to my seamstress." " At your leisure, ma'am." "Done!" "Good day." " Goodbye, madam." "Thank you." "Ouch !" "Did the lady find what she wanted?" " Yessir, sir." "She saw everything, and took a sample of black fabric." "What are you doing in this state?" " I fell from up there..." "Oh God, my jacket!" "She cut my garment!" "Lady!" " No!" "This is what women do to take a rag of clothing!" "Imagine what they can do to take a rag of a husband!" "Awesome things!" "About this topic, just a year ago, while returning home, I remember that I met at the door.." "my neighbor, accountant Carlini." "For me?" "Thank you." "Cavalier dear, how are you?" " Dear accountant,.." "how are you?" " Not bad, thanks." "And your lady?" " My wife?" " Yes" " She's fine." "And yours?" " Fine." "Eh, yes!" "They're fine, they are...!" "Well!" "What can you do?" "!" "What are you reading, cavalier?" " Giallo." "Thrillers interest me a lot." "Any giallo." "The wife ... "The hanged wife"." "What a wonderful title!" "See the delight of this title!" ""The hanged wife"." "And you?" " Oh, I read only newspapers, I am interested in crime reports." "Today, there is the trial of that guy." " Which guy?" "The guy in London, who killed women with an ax." " Oh, yes, the poor man!" "They acquitted him?" " It's not known yet." "Let's hope well!" "I'd be sorry, poor son!" "Well!" "Let's hope well!" "You see,.." "these people who are defined monsters, after all inspire me tenderness." "Anyway, if they convicted him, it would be a real injustice." " Yes indeed." "I'd give him the total, or the partial, or the semi." "Semi what?" " The semi infirmity of mind." " Oh, I see." "Anyway, my dear, I have nothing to fear from the women in my family." "No ?" " No!" " How come?" " The bill of the seamstress, I paid it." "The table for canasta I bought it, and also a fur coat for my daughter." "It is a week that I don't throw ashes on the floor,.." "so, I have no unpleasant surprises awaiting me." " Yeah." "My dear, I'm in a barrel of iron!" " Where?" " In an iron barrel!" "I see." "Lucky you!" " Goodbye, accountant." " Goodbye." "Greetings." " Thank you." "Same." "Fortunately you've come!" "Get undressed, quick, and go to bed." " To bed?" "Why?" "Because you're sick!" " Are you crazy?" " Yes dad, you're sick." " Maybe you!" "Come on, don't waste my time." "You need to do the ill in bed!" "Yes, cavalier, you must climb the hill in bed!" "I must climb the hill in bed?" "Are you kidding?" "I even prepared the hot water bottle." " Don't put it on my belly!" "It had happened that.." "my daughter had made the acquaintance of a mature doctor." "Well, overripe!" "But, a good catch, after all!" "To lure him into the house, someone had to pretend to be sick." "Doctor ..." " Sshh!" " I wanted to ..." " Be silent!" "Because..." " Please!" "There is waft!" " Waft?" " Yes." " Will be the draft from the window!" "I always said it!" "In this house we're always with the windows wide open!" "Don't joke, there's a waft, the heart is no good ..." " What?" "The chest ..." "The chest?" " The breast, chest ..." "A spoon, please." "This okay?" " You see how ready she was to give you a spoon?" "Mirella has a real passion for the medical art!" "Cute..." " Who told you?" "She's very cute..." "Please." " Please." " Turn over." " Thanks." "Is it clean?" " Yes, the handkerchief is!" "Let me do, please!" "I smell an odor ..." " Open your mouth!" "If he speaks ..." " I open it here?" " And where, there?" " Just asking." "Since a child she was interested in medical art." " Oh yeah?" "I never imagined." " You know, mom overdoes." " Yes, huh?" "Stand still!" "Be still, sorry." "If you knew how well she does poultices." " She does?" "You do them?" " Yes." "You do many, huh?" " Lots of them!" "It's over, it's over." "It's over!" "How restless!" "Got stuck..." " What?" " Tongue got stuck..." "What?" " Tongue got stuck..." " Speak out!" " My tongue got stuck to the tonsils!" "Tongue to the tonsils because they're ill, the tonsils." "It's the heart." " What?" "What's with it?" " More than the heart, the chest..." " Is it sick?" "Yes, as I said before, he had a respiratory arrest,.." "in need of a good restorative care." "We trust you." " Firstly, of course, it is the...uh...the blood circulation." "Is it serious?" " Is it very serious?" " I said it before.." "Psst!" " What does, spits on my head?" " No, I was calling, Doc!" "You said, it's serious?" " Yes, I said it to the ladies." "Very serious!" "It is very serious, you need to care." " It's serious!" "It's serious!" "It's serious!" "I'm gravely ill!" "He's serious!" "You are moribund!" "I may even die at any moment!" "Hey!" "You are moribund!" "No." "No!" "Me?" " Yes!" "But how?" "I ..." "I am moribund, and you dissolve into laughter?" "I may even die at any moment, and you dissolve yourselves?" "Doctor!" "I don't want to die!" " Stay calm." "Do something!" " I called the doctor on purpose!" "I don't want to die!" " Calm, you won't die." "Doctor!" "But he does, is he necking?" "Hey, doctor, I don't want to die!" "Do something!" "So...some injections." " Mirella will do them!" "True, Mirella?" "You're nuts!" " Go to bed!" " She does them?" " Oh, so well, she does them!" "No, no!" "I dont want!" " Good, be good!" "Unfortunately, I knew that my daughter had never done an injection in her life." "Doctor, if you look at me so, you intimidate me." " Do I put you in awe?" "A little." "Who knows how many girls you know that do well the injections!" "What does it mean!" "I like you anyway, even if you do them badly." "Even if the needle breaks inside?" " What does it matter!" "But how, "what does it matter"?" " We incise." "The needle breaks, what does it matter!" " It can be taken out." "You want to do this injection or not?" " It's 3 hours!" "I am in expectation!" "They chat, as if in a living room or on a balcony!" "But yes, Dad, it's ready." " The massage, the massage." "Is it ready?" " Ready." " Hello, hello!" " Hello." " Hello!" "Hello, hello." " Who is it?" " The doctor." " What does the doctor want?" "Well, it was you who called me!" " Who, who called you?" "They called you, not me!" "Calm down." " Ready." " Ready, daddy." "Doctor, don't do so, you make me laugh." " Doctor, don't make her laugh!" "Take courage." "Go!" "Brava." "Brava !" "So it was that my daughter.." "got engaged." "It is a fateful date!" "Even today I bring within me,.." "a deepest memory!" "You understand?" "What a fool!" "I forgot to light the wick to my protector." "Excuse me." "Landru, my protector." "Landru!" "That indeed is a man!" "He will have put in the oven at least a dozen women." "Wild boy!" "He's no fool!" "What a joy here, in the loft, to throw the ashes on the ground!" "Off my chest!" "Here, here here...!" "Without the ashtray!" "Here!" "Yeah!" "Because down at home, I could never do it." "My wife won't let me!" "She won't let me!" "She won't let me." "I know." "I know, I know!" "You could say I was jinxed to marry that woman,.." "and that this would not have happened if I had married another." "Who knows?" "Well!" "I, before marrying my wife, was engaged to another girl." "A certain Antonietta." "But ... hey!" "I'll show you." "Wait." "I have everything..." "everything hidden here." "I have the pictures." "Got it?" "But, hey, don't tell!" "You know, at times..." "Antonietta, Antonietta... here she is!" "Antonietta!" "Huh?" "I know well what would have happened to me if I had married Antonietta." "Certainly, I would have spent our honeymoon in some village out of reach,.." "but at the same time, cheerful." "Maybe in a village where people go on holiday too." "But I certainly would have stumbled.." "into those damn guys who nowadays are everywhere,.." "and that at some point in the evening say.." "Gentlemen, the long-awaited moment of the evening, has arrived." "In a few minutes, on this platform, will be crowned Miss Monteporzio." "Title needed to participate in the election of Miss Montepulciano,.." "which is essential to participate in the election of Miss Montecatini." "So the young ladies are asked to please come on the platform." "The contest is open!" "Miss, please, get up." "You too, Miss!" "Thanks." "Thanks a lot!" "And you, so pretty, come please!" "Thanks a lot!" "Brava!" "Attention gentlemen, we're about to discover something interesting." "Here we are!" "Tell me, will you participate in our beauty contest?" "Beauty contest, me?" "No, thanks." "See, I don't like showing off." "Yours is a very nice thought, thank you, but I'm not an exhibitionist." "Anyway, what to say?" "Mine is a gift of nature!" "Good one!" "Great one!" "The gentleman is very witty!" "But I didn't say to you." "I alluded to the young lady." "You want to enter the contest?" "What you say, Filippo?" " You're crazy!" "You can't go up there and act dumb!" "You see, the young lady, is a lady!" "Because we just got married, today." "Good!" "Well done!" "Much better!" "It means that the marriage was not consummated,.." "and if it wasn't, then the young lady is chaste!" "Exactly!" "If the young lady is chaste, and someone's bound to taste,.." "this is I, her husband!" "Let's go!" "Go, go!" " What manners are these?" "But this means being pirates." "These are pirates!" "Hey, beauty!" "Hey!" "See the one in the middle, how sexy?" "Legs, legs!" "Legs, legs, legs!" "Higher, higher!" "Higher, higher!" " What, you ashamed?" "Legs!" " We want her naked!" "This you say it to your sister, y'know!" "Of course, Antonietta would have become Miss Monteporzio,.." "and would have interpreted immediately the inevitable movie!" "231, take one! "Carnal passion"." "Action!" "Your brother has gone riding." "We're alone." "I want you." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Not good!" "Not good!" "Why?" " How, why?" "!" "The film is called "Carnal passion"!" "Where is this passion, where is it?" "I can't see it!" "Move." "But who sent me this guy?" "Look, you come across, okay?" "You see this great piece of girl,.." "and you must throw yourself headfirst." "Headlong ..." "Diving, you understand?" "Diving, like this!" "You grab her, you bend her face, like that, her head,.." "and then you plunge!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Have I explained myself?" "My, what a piece...!" "Where did they find her?" "She won 4 or 5 Miss contests." " I bet!" "With those hams!" "How dare you such language?" "Rude, ignorant!" "How hot you get!" "Is that the way to talk?" " It's a trifle!" " How, a trifle!" "Silence!" "He called it a trifle!" " Come on, Filippo, be a goodie." "Yeah, while she's busy being hottie!" "Scoundrel, villain." "Repeat what you said!" " I said silence!" "So, when I speak, speaks a moron?" " Yes, sir." "What?" "Be good, Filippo." "Take Pucci outside to do his needs." "Cover your bosom." "To top it all, all we needed is cinema!" "And when, at night, I and my wifey, now diva, would retire in our nest..." "So what did you say?" "I told him: "But you think that, after the success of Carnal passion,.." "I can interpret a movie for less than 20 million?"." "Did I do well?" "You did very well." "But hurry up to bed, my little girl!" "It is the only quiet night we have." "One can't live on millions alone, huh!" "Biology also wants its share!" " But what impatience!" "Impatience?" "But then why people get married, excuse!" "One does not get married in absentia, with lam!" "Oh no!" "But yes, lay back, here I am." " Yes." "What's the matter now?" "Oh God!" "Who is it?" "Dr. Balanzone?" "I say ..." "Say!" "What did you put on your face?" " Cream and lettuce." "And what salad is it?" " The beautician recommended it." "On your bosom you have, newspapers?" "It is a Dutch remedy for the thinning of the skin." "But have you looked at yourself in the mirror?" "You seem Ettore Fieramosca, with the armor!" "People!" "I'm going to bed with Ettore Fieramosca!" "At my age!" "Since we got married, nothing happened, here!" "I do this to cure my beauty, that makes us earn so many millions!" " Oh, yes?" "Is that so?" "And now ... and now what do you do?" " Yoga, Tibetan rest care for the body." "No !" "Let it pass for Ettore Fieramosca, but in bed with the dead, I won't stay!" "Not on my dead body!" "For heaven's sake!" "Sleeping with the death." "Not so fast!" "Not on your life!" "Air!" "Yeah!" "Or, with a wife like that, I might end up turning to the maid, sooner or later!" "With maids have to be careful, you know?" "Their problem is that they answer the phone not understanding who's calling!" "Listen, for example, what happened to me not later than two weeks ago.." "with my maid Carolina." "Hello?" "Who?" "Hello?" "Well?" "Who called?" "Carabella?" " No." " Altobelli ?" " No." " De Cesari?" "Fennellon?" "Yeah, Fennellon must send a batch of fennel from America, er, Australia." "No, it wasn't him!" "Wasn't him?" " Had a very long name." " Very long name...?" " Like ..." "Bo." "So, Bo is a very long name?" "If you had said Ventimiglia!" "But Bo is two letters!" "Wait!" "Actually, I can not remember too well." " I'd blind you an eye!" "Can not remember too well!" "You don't remember at all!" "At all, you remember !" "At least you know if it was a he or a she?" "What do I know?" "Can't see at the phone!" "Can't see, but can hear!" "The acoustic voice of the individual, male or female!" "But, I remember he talked a lot!" "He said a lot of things!" " Oh yeah?" "I would tell you one thing only, only one..." "But I can't say it!" "You know what I tell you, anyhow?" "The phone must not be touched!" "The phone is crap!" "It's poo!" "Who touches the phone, dies, goes to hell!" "With the microphone in mouth!" "You got that?" "But when it rings, what shall I do?" "Let it ring!" "Only the mistress can ring the phone!" " But she wasn't there!" "And you, here, if you want to talk, you have the sacred duty to remember.." "the name, referred to onomastics, of the person by which, to us, gives us a call!" "Got it?" " Cavalier, you garble my mind!" "You make me commit infant-maid-icide!" " Wait, now I remember." "His name was..." " What was his name?" " His name was..." " I'll tell you,.." "His name was Balloon!" "You know?" "His name was Balloon!" "His name was Balloon!" "Okay?" "No!" "Oh, yes, now yes." "He was one who said that, for him, the deal of the melon, is okay,.." "and that he wants to "confine" it immediately." "Oh, yeah!" "Oh, yeah!" "We send the melon to confinement!" "We send the melon to confinement!" "You all heard?" "The melon to confinement!" "So who called, maybe Minister Scelba?" " Yes, that's him." "Scelba ?" " Yes." " He called himself?" " Yessir." "Oh, golly!" "And who gave him my address?" "Oh, golly!" "He actually said:" "Scelba?" " Yessir, I told you, Elda!" "Elda?" "But then, it's a male or a female?" " It's a female!" "But had a man's voice." " A man's voice!" "?" "Go away!" " Mamma Mia!" "I'll kill you!" "Make her disappear!" " Help!" "Lady, lady, hold him!" " I do not respond for myself!" "Filippo!" "My, how he became ugly!" "Tell me what happened." " Nothing." " How are you?" "What did you do, you?" "A person phoned, but we can not know who he is." "Who is?" "Someone who wants to send a melon to confinement." "Go away, you!" "Filippo, don't do that!" " I'll kill you!" " Stay calm." "I'll kill her!" " Lady, hold him!" " I'll kill her!" " Stay calm." "A sip of water." "A sip of water!" "Wait." "But tell me,.." "couldn't they have said "million" instead of "melon",.." "and "combine" instead of "confine"?" " Yes, sir ..." " Speak up!" "Yes, so I told you before, no?" " Do you hear her?" " What did she say?" "It is about the one million deal, to combine the deal of the watches!" "Someone must have known about the deal, and called me here." "So why don't you call him back?" "And how do I call him, if the amnesiac from Collegno doesn't remember the name!" "Wait a minute." "Sit down here, be good, try to remember." "But why can't she remember?" "You want my ruin!" "You want to ruin me!" "Wait a minute." " Remember." "It is a million!" "I'll give you 1%." "Wait, she's good, she remembers, right?" " Yes." " There, she remembers!" "Sca.." "la... cava..." " What?" "Scava..." "lata... cica." "Scartafaccio..." "Scartafaccio maybe?" " Yeah, yeah!" "Scartafaccio?" " Yes." "Eugenio!" "Eugenio!" " Eugenio Scartafaccio!" "Did you see that she remembered?" "And why it took so long?" "I had told you, no?" "Eugenio Scartafaccio." " Scartafaccio!" "Eugenio..." "Eugenio..." "But...but no!" "No, it's not possible!" " Why?" " Eugenio Scartafaccio died 2 years ago!" "Oh God, it was his spirit!" " What do you mean spirit, what spirit?" "I'll pull it out of you, the spirit!" " Stay calm, now she'll remember." "Her spirit...!" "Yet, it could be..." "No, it's not possible." "It's not possible." "Remember well." " Now she remembers." " Scartafaccio, no." " No." "De Matteis ?" " No." " Pasqualini?" " No." "Giacobetti?" " No." "Zanobetti?" " No." "De Marchis?" "No." "De Frosi?" " No." "Salviatti?" " No." "Servatti?" " No." "Sal..." "Salmatti?" " No." "Togliatti?" "No, no." "De Cornini?" " No." "Garibaldi!" "No." "No!" "Nenni!" "Oh God!" "It must be him." "Yes!" "The one of the million!" "Here I am!" "Here I am!" "Hello?" "Hello!" "Hello?" "Who is this?" "Good morning." "Oh, it's you?" "Is that you, commendatore?" "Thanks." "It is you who phoned me just now?" "Sorry!" "Yes." "Alright." "It is the one of the watches." "Hello!" "Yes..." "Then it's a deal." "In any case." "Yes, yes..." "Thank you." "What?" "You changed house?" "Could you please give me your new phone number, so I mark it?" "I mark it...writing it, in short." "Obvious." "Excuse me, I look for the pencil." "Where is it?" " Where did you put it?" "I made the accounts!" " Then it's in the kitchen." " Wretches!" "Wretches!" "Hello?" "Say, say, now I write!" "Commendatore, here I am, can you tell me, please?" "Can you tell me?" "Yes." "Eight, seven,.." "one, four,.." "four, nine." "Thank you, commendatore." "Thanks." "Regrets." "Distinguished regrets." "Again regrets, thanks." "Good morning." "About time!" "Everything went fine." "I'm happy, cavalier." " You are safe." " So, tell me!" "Say!" " Why, you didn't write?" "No, I'm writing it now." "Go on, what was it?" "8, 5, 7..." "Don't you remember?" "Come on!" "Remember, cavalier!" " I remember it!" "8... - 5...?" " 4!" "How, 4?" "7!" " No, you said 7!" " 9." " He said 3. - 8." "8, 7..." "How, 7!" " 3!" " 8, 7, 5!" "Five, seven, nine, ten, forty, fifty!" "Drop dead!" "You, the phone...!" "I can't take it anymore!" " We have no phone now!" "I think.." "you're beginning to understand.." "the reasons by which, every man who wants to survive.." "the daily struggle with his enemy,.." "should do like me." "That is,.." "to "loft-ty-ti-ze" !" "Loft-ty-ti-ze." "Is that clear?" "This is the point!" "Loft-ty-ti-ze." "Men of the male gender!" "Against the wearing out by the modern woman,.." "loft-ty-ti-ze yourselves." "Loft-ty-ti-ze yourselves!" "What a peace!" "What a tranquility." "At this time, the enemies, went to sleep." ""The baron, after his death, mounted a bicycle, and down..."" "Gotcha !" "Oh, mamma mia!" " You tremble, huh?" "What're you doing here?" "How, what am I doing here?" "This is my house!" "Oh, it's your house?" " Yeah!" " Nice!" "Nice my foot!" "This is the loft!" " Yes, but, as a loft, it's nice." "Rather, you, you, you're doing, dressed as...as a cockroach?" "It's for the fountain." "The fountain down in the courtyard." " What about it?" "There is water." " What else?" "If you fall in it, you get wet!" " So?" " Last night, I fell in it, and got wet." "So, tonight, I made myself waterproofed!" "I put on raincoat and cap." "Waterproofed, huh?" " It's for the water!" "Waterproofed, huh?" "But, I say,.." "at night, in this loft, where there's only old stuff,.." "what could you steal?" "I wonder and say, what?" "I don't know!" "I don't know!" "Well..." "I am generous, here!" " What I do with it?" " You won't go away empty-handed." "What?" "I don't need the ball, the fan..." " Oh, there is also the toy rifle." "It's cute, but I don't need it." " Come on!" "Come on!" "But I don't want the rifle!" " Look, if one makes an offer ..." "What offer?" " Come on, take it!" " I don't want it!" "Because..." "listen to me!" " You are a petty thief." "The rifle may serve for a robbery." " I have to laugh, but .." "listen to me." "I came here for your daughter." "What?" " I'm in love with your daughter." "What?" "How?" "When?" " Sir..." "But you're saying?" " Cavalier ..." "And you,.." "are wasting the nights so, sleepless,.." "you fall in the fountains, you dress to earthworm,.." "and all this for whom?" "For a woman?" "For a woman?" "For your daughter!" " For my daughter?" "Lay down your arms!" "This is a toy rifle." " Down arms!" "I armed him myself!" "He laid down his arms!" "Young man, come here." "Slowly..." " Walk." "Go away!" " Slowly!" "You're sending me down!" "But, you don't agree that I marry your daughter?" "No, not a chance." "Want some advice?" "An advice of a friend, of a true friend?" " Yes." "Enlist in the Foreign Legion!" " Me!" " It's full of Neapolitans." "You know?" " I don't understand anything anymore." "But I'm engaged to your daughter from almost a year." "I've compromised her!" "Really?" " Yes, I've compromised her." "You?" " Yes, I've compromised her!" "There's nothing to laugh." " What?" "You compromise?" "Why, couldn't I compromise?" " But have you looked at yourself?" "How?" "With those features..." " Sure, with these features!" "With those somatic traits,.." " You insult me!" "you compromise a woman?" " What else?" "I compromise a man?" "Cavalier..." "Cavalier!" "But give me a break!" "Be flexible!" "He, with those facial features ..." "No, cavalier, no." "I entered a brand new world here!" "I need to explain, clarify, I feel I'm going crazy!" "What's all this?" "I mean, you take umbrage.." "because I, well, I'm in love with your daughter, and.." "with my nightly climbings, I'm here for those things there!" "Then you retake umbrage because I want to repair my responsibilities." "Then you retake umbrage again..." "But I can't conceive all these umbrages!" "Yeah?" "Can't conceive these umbrellas?" " What umbrellas!" "Umbrages!" "Come with me." " Where?" "Come, come here with me." "Where?" " Come here with me!" "He's like this because he doesn't know women." "Yes..." "Now I'm going to show him." "I'll explain him." "Yes." "Yes, yes..." "Yes!" "Alright." "Cavalier, but you're crazy or something?" "But you talk to pictures?" "They make me become, crazy." " Who?" "Keep calm..." "They make me become cra..." "Quiet, cavalier!" "Oh my God!" "He's really crazy!" "Sit there!" "Sit there!" " I'm sitting now." "My heart weeps in seeing a piece of young man like you, a beautiful boy,.." "who goes toward the abyss with his eyes closed." " But it's your daughter!" "Yes, I know!" " So then?" " But still of female gender!" "But I love her, I like her!" " You love her?" " Yes cavalier." "Look me in the eyes." " Yes." " Eyes to me!" "You love her unconditionally?" " Yes." " All of her?" " Yes, I like everything." "Eye to eye!" "You love everything?" "And you found no defect, in the loved object?" "Think about it." "Yes?" "Yes?" "Well, but..." "But I, really ... you know, all of us always have some defects." "Don't digress." "You're digressing now!" "I don't digress, but I don't know if, in front of her father, I can afford..." "Yes, I allow you." "Afford it!" " You allow me?" "I allow you." " Then she has it." " You see?" " Eh, yes!" "I was right." " Yes, she has it!" "Yes!" " See?" "I was right, she has it!" "Eureka!" "Hurrah!" "He found it!" "The flaw, she has it!" "Super eureka!" "The case is clear, the flaw is here!" "Come on, say, speak clearly." "Ease the burden." "Unbutton!" "Here, here..." "Nothing important." "Trifles that annoy..." " No, no, tell him!" "Dear Sir, even the fact that to get here she wants me to climb up the window,.." "she says it's so romantic, but that bothers me so!" "Then she calls me at the clinic, with so many professors around,.." "and all the moribund, who wait to die...you know how they are!" "Yeah!" "You can't tell them:" "My fiancée called, please die later!" "No way!" "One, if he must die, must die!" "Then,.." "Then she wants that, on the phone, I do.." "the little sparrow." "What?" "The little sparrow.?" "Yes, the sparrow!" "You know how fiancées are." ""You're my he-sparrow, I'm your she-sparrow,.." "tell me cheep, cheep, cheep cheep"." "Everywhere!" "Even at the clinic!" "Wherever I am, where the professors may happen suddenly upon you." "Oh, then there's the fact of the dates!" "You know women, when they give a date, right?" "All the same!" "All the same!" "After the engagement, appointments begin." "Appointments to which women take care not to come with just a slight delay!" "Indeed, they even come after hours!" "The man?" "Poor wretch, often tries to rebel, but he could do?" "Soheendsupbyundergo, making compromises with himself." "It's 5:02 pm." "The appointment was at 4:30 pm." "When it's at 4:30, it's meant to be at about 5,.." "and then this is probably ahead, street clocks are always ahead." "Mine too, actually, is often ahead." "Alright, I must wait." "You know what I do?" "Now I go up to that tree and then go away!" "Now I also came to the tree, dammit!" "No, I'm going away, I'm really going, my word!" "Let's wait." "Otherwise, she'll say that I am restless, impatient." "I know her!" "Well, I'll count up to 100." "If she's not here, I go away, my word!" "Are we kidding?" "I'm a doctor!" "Are we kidding here?" "1 , 2, 3, 4... 86, 87,... 88," "89, 90, 91 , 92, 93, 94, 95," "95, 95..." "What you looking at?" "Can't I look?" " Well, I'm counting!" "Why do you look?" "I'm nervous!" "Count all you want!" " Leave me alone, please!" "Madonna mia!" "Well, now I'm going away, don't take it anymore!" "At the first bicycle going by, I go away, here!" "At the first bicycle, I go away!" ""NO BICYCLES ALLOWED"" "Damn!" "Tell me, tell me, how did it go?" "Has she come to the appointment?" "No, she didn't come." "She made me wait 2 hours 45, that wretched!" "Good!" "And she'll do you more of the same!" "Yes!" "I know, but I love her, I like her." "I like her!" "In spite of all?" " Yes" " You love her?" " Yes, I love her, really, I like her." "Oh yeah?" "And who gave you this lousy tie?" "She gave it to me!" " You see?" " But she,.." "as a woman..." " Stop it!" " As a woman..." " Enough!" "I know how take place these gifts exchanges between lovers." "The first gift a girlfriend makes you, it's a tie." "A tie chosen with an exquisite taste!" "Then, in exchange for the beautiful fur that we give her for her birthday,.." "the woman gives us a nice hat!" "She says that we so need a nice hat,.." "because the one we wear is horrible." "Of course, for the engagement, we men give a ring with diamonds." "But a woman prefers to reciprocate with something different,.." "a good pipe, for example." "So the day comes when the engaged couple must go out, each.." "with the gifts received by the other." "Yeah!" "The day you went out after the holidays, I have seen you!" "Well then, I saw you!" "You were suck." "You suck!" " Cavalier, you're right." "It's true." "It's true, I suck!" "I deserve it!" "Say it again, that I suck." "Never mind." " No, say it again!" " You want to hear it?" " Yes!" "Then get acoustically ready." " Ready." " You suck!" "Thanks, kiss your hand." " Forget it." "Look how a biped of female gender must reduce a man." "Am I a man, I?" " Well..." " Why, I'm not?" " Never mind!" "Am I a man or am I not?" " Yeah." "But if you know, why do you ask?" "At times I lose confidence in myself!" "And since we are at it, I'll tell you,.." "I meant to face my responsibility, but, for heaven's sake,.." "I have to tell the truth, your daughter is pesky, she annoyed me!" "And you love her!" " What do you mean I love her!" "Let's be honest, I would have married your daughter because she's hot!" "Ha, well!" "How dare you?" "In front of the father, you dare say..." "The father has incited me!" " Me?" " Yes, incited me the parent." "I incited?" " And the nose..." " I incited the nose?" "No, the nose injured in the bus, it was her, she led to a quarrel." "Believe me, cavalier, believe me." "90% of bus quarrels is caused by women." "Only by women." "Gently!" " One moment..." "Hey, but what ways are these?" "Careful!" " Excuse me." "One moment!" "Excuse my foot!" "Have you seen?" "He touched me!" "He was touching me!" "But really, can you imagine?" "!" "Go up front, gentlemen." "My foot!" "Didn't you see what that guy did?" "Yeah, you never see anything!" "He touched my breasts." "He palpated?" " Yes, look, the left one." "But look..." " He touched me." " Maybe he didn't do it on purpose." "Oh yeah?" "For you, no one ever does it on purpose." " Ouch!" "Meanwhile, the others touch, you know." "They touch me!" " They touch?" "When I was engaged to Ernesto, no one dared to touch me!" "Ernesto once again!" "He was a big fellow." "He was an idiot, but was tall." "And then, I didn't see anything." "Yeah, you never see anything." "You're like that, always in the clouds." "So what?" "Maybe it wasn't his fault." " Oh yeah?" "It was my fault, right?" "Go on, forward." " If you can't defend your fiancée, don't bring her around,.." "Ok, but... - if you don't know how." " Stop now, please!" " Oh, yeah?" "Are you afraid he can hear you, that wretched parrot?" "Parrot!" " What, is there a parrot?" "Yes, parrot, understand?" " Mamma mia!" " Parrot!" "Sorry, you've got it with me?" "You hear?" "You're not saying anything?" "Yes, I've got it with you." "Keep your hands to yourself, okay?" "What did you say?" "What?" "You must keep your hands to yourself, okay?" " But what hands?" "What hands are you seeking from me?" " We understood each other." " Not at all." "He even sends me kisses!" " Doctor, give him what's what." "Stop it, or I throw you out the window." " Who, me?" "Me, out the window?" "He's going to kill me!" " I'll kill you!" " Don't compromise yourself!" "He's going to kill me!" " I'll kill you!" " Oh my God!" "Paolo!" "Paolo, stay still, stay still!" "Got it?" " So what are you waiting to leave her?" "I'll leave her." "What do I care?" "I will take care of my profession,.." "my patients, who yearn to have my comfort, my care." "A noise!" " It's your daughter." "She saw me coming." "She's looking for me!" "Where can we hide?" "Here?" " We can not fit in it, there's two of us." " Then here." "Dad!" "What are you doing here?" "What I'm doing?" "What should I do?" "Nothing!" "I'm looking for a screwdriver so I can fix the alarm clock." "A screwdriver, huh?" "Are you sure?" " Quite sure." "But tell me something, rather, you..." "you!" ".." "what you doing in these hours anti..." "ante.." "Antelucan." " antediluvian, up here?" "I was tired and I came to get some fresh air." "Why, is it forbidden?" "Some fresh air?" "You should rather come here to remove some dust." "Watch how much dust there's up here!" "What do you look?" "I have a cold." "The dust in the nose gave me a cold." "Thanks, cavalier, you saved me." "Nonsense!" "Among us men, conspiracy of silence!" " Yes, silence." "Slowly!" " She thought I would marry her." "Really?" "Really." "Slowly..." "Hey !" "Hurry, otherwise my daughter sees you." " I've seen her." "She sees you!" " I'm seeing her." "Hurry up." " One moment." " She sees you." "This way." "Dad!" "What's going on?" "Nothing." "A dumb cat in love fell in the fountain." " Yes, huh?" "Dad, you know it's 1 am already?" " So what?" "So, why don't you go to bed?" "I'm not sleepy." " I'm not sleepy either." "However, I don't understand ..." "However, what, you don't understand?" "What?" "Nothing!" "Truth is, you men are all liars!" "I even wore the new robe!" "Imagine!" "She's strung, the little girl, huh?" "There's nothing to do." "Women are like this!" "Take, for example, my daughter." "How she complicated.." "a simple and normal appointment with her boyfriend." "Women are like this!" "There's nothing to do." "If they don't complicate things, they're not happy." "I, for example, met the most complicated woman in my life many years ago." "It was still wartime, and we would meet at a cafe." "Well but, she was a classy little woman." "We had met at the beach, at Ostia." "You have a match, please?" "Can't you see I'm getting ready for the parade?" "Albeit, she was one of those women afraid to compromise themselves,.." "and who hide under a web of tricks, feints and ruses." "Darling, I'm here." "Don't turn around, for goodness sake!" "I didn't know there were so many people." "But nobody knows you here." "I know, but I don't want to compromise myself." "If someone saw us together..." "If my husband knew..." "He's so jealous, I don't know what he would do." "Darling." " Yes?" " Do you love me?" "Yes, a lot, and you?" "Infinitely." "I always think of you." "I also think of you always, but in secret." "Darling..." " Yes?" " Would you give me a kiss?" "Yes." "Yet, it was here!" "Since we could never kiss, we decided to meet at the station." "At the station, they can all hug and kiss." "No one notices." "Hello, darling." " Hello." "Why yesterday you gave me a slap?" "The wife of a colleague of him was passing by and had seen us together." "You could tell her she was wrong." "No." "Luckily I was wrong myself, it was not his colleague's wife." "And you gave me a slap!" " Nonsense!" "Listen, since we are at the station, we can kiss, right?" " Are you crazy?" "Wait until a train leaves, no?" "Gentlemen, in the car!" "ln car!" "Gentlemen, in the car!" "At last, I am so happy." " Dear!" "Ah!" " What?" "Hush, hush!" "Don't turn around." " Oh God, what is it?" "A friend of my husband." " Really?" "Are...are you sure?" " Sure, I'm sure." "You won't be wrong again?" " No." " Then give me a slap." "Don't be silly!" "Pretend to leave, to be my brother." " Are you joking?" "You want to compromise me?" " This leaves for real!" " Get off at next station." "Go!" "Come on!" " Holy God!" " Bye!" "Up you go!" "Go." "Madam." "Bye, little brother!" "Say hello to Mom, huh?" " Bye!" "Unfortunately, I was in a sealed train of political prisoners headed.." "to Germany, to a concentration camp." "My wife, luckily,.." "never knew the real cause of my heroic captivity." "The truth is that, when we betray our wife,.." "almost always we bump into a woman who makes the vengeance of the betrayed." "Take for example the classic occasion.." "that puts a husband on the path to marital infidelity." "The departure of the family for the holidays." "The husband left alone and looking forward to wild adventures." "He is sure that there is an army of provocative girlie.." "ready to cheer him." "It was so, for example, that this summer, while.." "my wife was bathing in Nomanbeach,.." "and I say, No-man-beach,.." "I fatally ended up there where end up all salesmen and lone husbands who,.." "at ten at night, make the last attempt to have fun at any cost." "# Non dimenticar means don't forget you are my darling" "Don't forget to be," "All you mean to me." "Non dimenticar my love is like a star, my darling" "Shining bright and clear" "Just because you're here. #" "Do you prefer to be alone, or in company?" "ln company?" "ln sweet company!" "Yes." "Yes!" "Why not?" "Let's see..." "# Non dimenticar Although you travel far, my darling" "It's my heart you own, so I'll wait alone" "Se ci separò, se ci allontanò I'ala del destino, non ne ho colpa, no, e mi sentirò... #" " Ginetta !" "Bye, girls." "# ..." "Although you travel far, my darling" "It's my heart you own, so I'll wait alone. #" "Cotillions?" " Cotillion?" "Oh, thanks!" "Thanks." "Cotillion?" "How cute!" "Oh, my!" "Cuckoo!" "I want to see how it befits you." "Great!" "Want anything?" "Coffee?" "Orange juice?" "A soda?" "Let's take some champagne, no?" " You think they have it?" "Of course!" "Luigi!" "A bottle of the usual." "Well, a bottle..." "let's not overdo, a small bottle will do." "A bottle." "Luigi !" "Yes, sir." "How much is it?" " 8.000." "Shall we dance?" "Tango?" "No, tango is too slow." "That's right, we want cheerfulness, olé!" "You nuts?" "Wanna blind me an eye?" " Not me." "So sorry." "No !" "No !" "You look just like my first love." "I do?" "Really?" "Then, he was a handsome man!" "You are just like him." "Nasty bastard coward!" " Me?" " No, him!" "He ruined me!" "He ruined my life." "Now he's in jail, and rightly so." "I was an artist." "I worked in theater, with Rascel." " Gosh!" "I was to go to America, I had even auditioned." "With the pretext that we had to get married ..." "He worked in exports." "Now he's in jail." "And where is he?" " At Procida." "Makes wooden horsies, and occasionally writes me." "Cheer up!" "Samba !" "Vamonos !" "How about this little samba?" "No, not the samba, it's too fast." "My feet hurt so much!" "Oh, my!" " Come here." " What?" "Huh?" "What's up?" "You're likeable, you know?" "What did you say?" " You're really likeable." "Connoisseur!" "You see?" "With you, I can speak, I can let off steam." " Sure!" "Let off steam, my child, put it out!" "They're about to throw my mother out of the house,.." "and this morning I received a letter..." "He's sick!" "Who?" " My little Othello." "Who is little Othello?" " My little kid." "He's had mumps." "He lives with relatives near Viterbo." "I feel sorry." "God, how I feel sorry!" "You have a child, already?" "He's five and a half." "You want to see him?" " Yes." "Yes!" "I want to see him!" "I want to see him!" "How lovely!" "Is developed, huh?" "Developed..." "Has even a beard!" "But this is my brother!" "Yeah!" "In fact, it seemed impossible that at five years had a beard." "He's unemployed." "He worked for the General Markets." " Really?" "Then they swiped his truck..." "now has three children to support!" "Poor baby!" "Five years old, and already has three children to support!" "But no, I speak of my brother!" "This one?" "They look alike though!" "Dear!" "And your aunt?" " Which aunt?" "There must be a sick aunt, paralytic, right?" "There must be a sick aunt!" "But no!" "My aunt is imbecile." "It was the bombardments." "What an unfortunate family!" "What a miserable family!" "What injustice!" "And you, how are you?" " Dejected." "Hear the rumba?" "You like it?" "I heard it." "I didn't say anything, not to shock you." "Want to dance?" "Yes." "I'm touched by rumba!" "So, are we going?" " Come on." "Cheep!" "Cheep!" "Cheep!" "Sorry!" "Your cousin called." "Your mother was thrown out of bed, and her furniture out in the street." "She's 80 years old!" "80 !" "Take care of him." "Bye, baby." "Some other time." "What can you do?" "!" "To us!" "But I say, are you crazy?" "I had pleurisy and you give me blows on my back?" "And people call them "merry girlie"!" "Those with whom you should do the orgies, the bacchanalia!" "Isn't it better to spend a night at the cemetery?" "At least you have a chat with the dead, you laugh with the departed!" "Cavalier!" " Who goes there?" "This must be my neighbor across." "Excuse me." "Cavalier!" "Cavalier, but we do?" "What?" "The phone!" "It is busy from an hour!" "A little while ago, I hurt my back and I have to call a doctor, but.." "I can not dial!" "Do me the courtesy." "Oh!" "The duplex!" "Surely my daughter talking to her boyfriend." "What can you do!" "?" "Tell me "little sparrow"." " I can't." "Come on, tell me "little sparrow"." " But I cannot!" "Look, if you don't tell me, I will hang up and not look at you more!" "My little sparrow!" "My little sparrow!" "My little sparrow, little sparrow..." "But no, what's that got to do?" "No, it's that I..." "I..." "He's going, huh?" "Another one." "No!" "..." "But yes darling, I'll say it!" "My little sparrow!" "But how can you say certain things when there is one who's going...passing,.." "passed away!" "Yes, no!" "But no!" "Now tell me "cheep cheep"." "Come on, say it." "Mirella." "Mirella!" "They need the phone." " Dad, I'm done." "Come on, say "cheep cheep cheep cheep"." "Alright, I'll say it." "You're my cheep cheep!" "My darling, you're my cheep cheep." "You like it?" "My cheep cheep cheep cheep!" "You're my cheep cheep." "You're my ch..." "Excuse me, professor, it is Mr. Cippicippi." "Hello, Mr. Cippicippi?" "What Mr.?" "What you saying, you idiot?" "That is an abscess, it's clear, it's visible..." "A...a nice suppository ..." "Later, the suppository, later!" "But in short, who's on the phone?" "Well, the unfortunate is my daughter's boyfriend." "I wanted to save him, but he started to call again!" "So?" "So, in about 15 minutes they'll finish talking, two hours at the most." "Let's make it 3 hours, just to be...you know?" ", concise!" "Filippo!" " Help!" "Help!" "Oh, what a fright!" "The scare!" " What you doing here?" "You made me so scared!" "I wake up and you're not there, I look for you, and.." "you're in the loft!" "Why?" " Yes!" "In the loft!" " What you doing here?" "What?" "I read my giallo book!" "I want to know who killed Lord Brummel." "You ought ask me!" "It was the Baron." "Assassin!" " Yes, the Baron." " Why did you tell me?" "Why did she tell me?" " Look at here!" " Why?" "Why?" "See?" "She spoiled everything." " Whom you talking to, now?" "Nothing, my own business, a soliloquy." " He even does soliloquies!" "You know what?" " What?" " Hands down!" " What?" " I'm fed up!" "Oh, wow!" "He's fed up!" " Yes!" "I come here overnight to read a book, and you spoil everything!" " Yeah?" "And you, overnight, slip away!" "I slip away overnight because I can't do it "overday"." "I'm the house master, respect me!" "You know what?" "You are arrogant and evil." "And a hypocrite too!" "And since I'm fed up, I go back to my mother's!" "Wha...what?" "!" " Yes, yes!" " Quiet!" "I said it." "There!" " Yeah?" "I thought I heard you want to go back to your mother's!" "Yes, you heard well." "I'm going back to my mother's!" "She's going back to her mother!" "People!" "She goes back to her mother!" "Go...goes back to her mother!" "Landru, where is going back, my wife?" "To her mother's!" "To her mother's!" "Here we are." "What are you doing?" " Helping you." "You happy I go to my mother, huh?" " Yes." "If you knew how happy I am myself, to go away after 20 years of this agony!" "What did you say?" " Agony I said, agony!" "But you really think you're the only one annoyed, disgusted, martyr?" "So I'm not worth anything as wife, huh?" "Because I got uglier, fatter,.." "older!" " No objection." "Neither you are handsome, going around in underwear!" "You men wish that all women were like Ava Gardner,.." "and then you go around home in underwear and extra large undershirt!" "Filippo!" "You like Ava Gardner?" "Me, I like Gregory Peck!" "I'd like to know what you women find in this "Gregorio Pecco"." "I know, I know, what we find in Gregory Peck!" "Here, look what they buy on the sly!" "Here we go!" "Pretty women!" "Your favorite literature!" "What would you say if we were to collect the magazines with muscle men,.." "those who pose like that, huh?" "Look at this stuff." " Yeah..." "It's important!" "This one,.." "is worth 6 "Gregori Pecchi"!" " Yeah..." "And then, anyway, do it, the collection of muscle men!" "I don't give a hoot!" "Oh yeah?" " I don't give a hoot!" " Now, now, you don't give a hoot!" "But when I was young and good-looking, you cared then!" "Well, now I'm fat." "But once, my dear, they liked me!" "Who, you?" "Oh, come on, come on!" "Come on, come on!" "Come on, come on!" "Without so many "come on!"." "Got it?" "Don't answer me that way, or I'll show you who I am!" "Always with "come on"!" "Of course!" "And I'll say it again, y'know?" "Come on, come on, come on!" "But you do?" "That's the silverware." " So?" "You gave it to me!" "Because us women, at recurrences, we give a hat, a pipe, a tie." "While you, after married, what?" "Whistle cooker, vacuum cleaner, cutlery!" "All stuff needed for the home!" "So to provide for the family." " Sure!" "Those 1.000 lire you give us daily!" "Why say it that way?" " Why, how should I say it?" "Give value to currency, since currency has value!" " So?" ""Those 1.000 lire!"" "Those 1.000 you give must suffice for everything." "Shopping, shoes, tram..." "And then: "How come?" "You ran out of money already?" "Money is wasted, here!"" "Yeah!" "While you can waste money at the cafe, with friends!" "Leave my friends alone, y'know?" "Don't start over!" "Sure, I start over!" "With friends, you're always cheerful, happy, funny." "Once at home, a snout like that!" "And us, alone at home all day long, whom should we talk to?" "The sink?" "Or should we cut our tongue?" " Maybe!" "Maybe!" "Why, you think that what you tell is interesting?" "Won't you finally understand that of Bartali and Coppi we don't give a damn?" "Don't blaspheme!" "Damn you!" "What you say?" " I'm damned?" "If your protector is Landru, ours is Lucrezia Borgia!" "Yes, Lucrezia Borgia, you said it!" "Lucrezia Borgia is your symbol!" "But you, though, you've never managed to poison me!" "No matter what!" "You understand?" "After all, for lunch, you've always done what pleases me!" "What pleases me!" "Oh yeah?" "Then you know what?" " What?" " That you're well as dumb!" ""I only eat veal, at worst, young beef"." "Ugh!" "With 1.000 lire a day!" "Filippo,.." "since 20 years, you're eating horse meat!" "No!" "No!" "Say it is not true!" "Yes!" " Giovanna,.." "tell me you lied in your teeth!" " No." "Oh my God, horse meat!" "Horse meat, that sucks!" "That sucks!" "Not only that, but I always put water in your wine." "Take that!" "Yes, but you ignore that every day I went to the vintner downstairs.." "and drank a nice quart, in spite of your ugly face!" "And you ignore I'd arranged with him." "He made you pay more, and on Saturday he gave me a nice flask for free." "So I made you well as save money." "Think of the sacrifices I made, for nothing!" "For example, think of the chicken leg." "20 years that I don't eat a chicken leg!" "Yeah!" "Because the husband must choose the best bits, huh?" " Of course." "It is a male prerogative." " Yeah!" "The wife instead, likes only the neck, head and feet of the chicken." "No!" "Since I said all, I'll tell you this too:" "I like only the leg of the chicken!" "I'm leaving now." " What do you do?" " I told you, I go away." "Let me pass." "Really want to go?" " Yes." "I only take away these rags, worth two cents." "Let me pass." "But you're taking also the gold bracelet, huh?" "Gold?" "This is brass." "Brass?" "What brass, you say!" "Those are..." "80 grams of gold!" "Yes, it was gold." "Remember when you had typhus for over a month, and we didn't know how to go on?" "Here is, how we went along." "I sold it." "I didn't tell you, not to displease you." "Then I had it remade in brass." "Here." "You might as well keep it." "And they did not see each other again." "Until the day when..." "Are you here before me, Officer of Civil Status,.." "in order to be joined in matrimony?" " Yes" "Please listen to the reading of the articles of the Civil Code.." "governing the relations of the spouses to each other." "Article 143:" "matrimony imposes on the spouses the mutual obligation.." "of cohabitation, of fidelity and of assistance." "Article 144:" "the husband is the head of the family." "Miss Mirella Scaparro,.." "do you want to take Mr. Paolo Desideri as your husband?" "Yes." "And you, Mr. Paolo Desideri,.." "do you want to take Miss Mirella Scaparro as your wife?" "Er...yes, yes." "Yes!" "The witnesses have heard the yes of the spouses?" " Yes." "ln the name of the law, I declare you married." " Thanks!" "The rings!" "Here, dear." "My own!" "There!" "Goodbye, we booked a room at the hotel and, you know, we're going to Sorrento." "One moment!" "You need to sign!" " I don't have a pen..." "Can't we sign some other day?" "Now?" "Here we go." "Okay." "So then, with the marriage of Mirella,.." "any relationship between you and my daughter ceases." "No objection, lady... mother." "And since we'll never meet again..." " Of course, given your age!" "it is advisable that any pendency between us ends here." " Exactly." "Go on." "Here." "This was left in my suitcase when I went away from home." "My shaving brush?" "Take these too." "The Swiss socks, the ones with the holes?" " No, I mended them." "My suspenders!" "My suspenders!" "Since long I was looking for them!" "Oh, if you knew what a beautiful old pair of suspenders mean for a man!" "Nice, adhering..." "Thank you." "I too must give you back something,.." "an object you left me the night you went away, remember?" "Here." "You give it back because you know it's not worth anything." "No, it's gold!" "I had it remade for you." "The one that's worth nothing, instead, is this." "But perhaps to me,.." "it's more valuable than that one." "Filippo !" "Nothing else, right?" "It's all done, all ready, all defined?" "Long live the newlyweds!" " Thanks." "Honey, let's go." "Wait!" "But Mom and Dad?" " Oh, yeah!" " Bye, Mom." " Oh, my child!" "Take care, huh?" "Doctor!" "She's in your hands." " In my hands!" "In your hands, OK?" " In my hands, daddy." "Dad, we're going now." "Let's hurry!" "Have you seen?" "We men fight, and fight again, but in the end, women always win." "What can you do?" "!"