"THE SACRIFICE" "English Translation by Susanne Heine" "Come here and give me a hand, my boy!" "Once upon a time, long ago... an old monk lived in an orthodox monastery." "His name was Pamve." "And once he planted a barren tree on a mountainside just like this." "Then he told his young pupil, a monk named Ioann Kolov, that he should water the tree each day until it came to life." "Put a few stones there, will you?" "Anyway, early every morning" "Ioann filled a bucket with water and went out." "He climbed up the mountain and watered the withered tree and in the evening when darkness had fallen he returned to the monastery." "He did this for three years." "And one fine day, he climbed up the mountain and saw that the whole tree was covered with blossoms!" "Say what you will, but a method, a system, has its virtues." "You know, sometimes I say to myself, if every single day, at exactly the same stroke of the clock, one were to perform the same single act, like a ritual, unchanging, systematic, every day at the same time," "the world would be changed." "Yes, something would change." "It would have to." "One could wake up in the morning, let's say, get up at exactly seven," "go to the bathroom, pour a glass of water from the tap," "and flush it down the toilet." "Only that!" "You can't keep me away today!" "Beautiful, eh?" "Like Japanese Ikebana." "I will come to your house to wish you well on your birthday." "I am very honoured by the invitation!" "Here's the last of it." "The post office is closed." "Anyone who turns up now will just have to wait until tomorrow." "Here!" "I don't have my glasses." "Please read it." ""HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR FRIEND STOP" "MIGHTY RICHARD GREETS GOOD PRINCE MYSCHKIN STOP" "GOD GRANT YOU JOY HEALTH AND PEACE STOP" "FROM YOUR LOYAL AND LOVING" "RICHARDIANS AND IDIOTISTS STOP"" "Oh, how touching!" "A joke." "Friends and their jokes!" ""Idiotists..." That's not half bad." ""God grant you joy..." Say, how are your relations with God?" "Non-existent, I'm afraid." "What do you mean?" "It could be worse." "Here you are... a famous journalist," "a theatrical and literary critic, who lectures on aesthetics for students at the university." "Hey, your lasso!" "Run and fetch it!" "And essays... you write them, too." "But you're so gloomy!" "What's that supposed to mean, "gloomy"?" "Well, you shouldn't grieve so much." "You shouldn't yearn so for something." "You shouldn't be waiting like that." "That's important." "One shouldn't be waiting for something." ""Shouldn't be waiting"?" "Who says I'm waiting for anything?" "We all are... waiting for something!" "Take me, for example." "All my life, I've been going around waiting for something." "All my life, in fact, I've felt as if... as if I were waiting in a railway station." "And I've always felt as if... as if the living I've done so far hasn't actually been real life but a long wait for it... a long wait for something real," "something important!" "What about you?" "Yes, if that's what you mean." "I just never knew you were interested in that kind of problem." "But I am!" "I most certainly am!" "Unfortunately." "Sometimes I get the most peculiar notions." "Yes, I mean it." "Like that dwarf, for example." "That notorious dwarf!" "What dwarf?" "Look here, you've managed to confuse me completely!" "Oh, you know who I mean!" "That hunchback!" "Eh?" "The one Nietzsche mentioned." "The one who made Zarathustra faint." "Faint?" "What are you talking about?" "I say, do you know Nietzsche?" "No, not personally." "I haven't really studied him all that carefully." "However... he interests me, I can't deny it." "So?" "Sometimes I get silly things in my head, things like... like this "eternal rotation"." "We live, we have our ups and downs." "We hope." "We wait for something." "We hope, we lose hope, we move closer to death." "Finally, we die and are born again." "But we remember nothing." "And everything begins again, from scratch." "Not literally the same way, just a wee, wee bit different." "But it's still so hopeless... and we don't know why." "Yes..." "No, I mean..." "Really, it's quite the same, literally, the same." "Just the next performance, so to speak." "If I'd made it all, I guess I'd have done things the same way." "Funny, eh?" "I've heard that, it's nothing new." "You didn't invent it!" "Do you really think that mankind could devise a universal concept, a model, so to speak, of Absolute Law, of Absolute Truth?" "Why, it'd be like trying to create a new universe!" "To be a demiurge!" "And you actually believe in your dwarf, do you?" "In your "rotation"?" "Yes..." "Sometimes I do." "You understand?" "If I truly believe, it will be so." ""Believe that it hath been given and it shall be given unto you."" "But now I think I'll head home." "It's late, I must think of a gift." "You needn't do that." "This is a very important day!" "You'll be buried in telegrams!" "Au revoir!" "What?" "What are you mumbling about?" ""In the beginning was the Word."" "But you are mute, mute as a fish." "A little roach!" "Look here, my boy, we've lost our way." "Humanity is also on the wrong road, a dangerous road." "So, up you go!" "Dear, how heavy you are." "The first impression that Man had..." "How has he been lately?" "All right?" "Yes." "In what way?" "He works a lot." "I don't like his monologues." "Alexander!" "Doctor!" "Wait, we'll come to you!" "You're not equipped for a jaunt through Africa!" "It's quite a job, you know!" " Hello." " Hello!" "Welcome!" " Many happy returns!" " Thanks, thanks!" "And you, young man, how are you?" "Isn't it hard to keep silent?" "I can well imagine." "But it's good for you." "Sociability is a burden." "Not all of us can bear it." " My brave boy!" " Why "my"?" "He's "ours", after all." "He gargles and goes to bed by himself." "Gargles?" "That's nothing!" "Think how well he behaved during the operation!" "He's got the makings of a real man!" "Open wide, now!" "It looks fine." "Keep that up and you'll be talking in a week." "By the way, did you know that Gandhi had one day in the week when he spoke to no one?" " It was his system." " Why?" "He was probably tired of people." "Shall we walk here?" "You've deserted your patients." "And what elegance!" "On a day like this, one has to live up to expectations!" "Your present's in the boot." "Still more presents!" " It's time we went home." " Yes, all of us." "But why don't you two take the car?" "We'll follow on foot." "We must finish our chat." "Right, my boy?" "Please don't be too late." "All right, Little Man?" "Everything's almost ready." "Have I told you how your mother and I found this place?" "We came here on a trip, once." "You weren't even thought of then." "It was the first time we were here." "We had no map with us, we forgot to bring one." "Besides, we'd run out of petrol." "We stopped somewhere near here, then we kept going on foot." "Frankly, we were lost." "Then it started raining, a cold, ugly drizzle." "We came to that bend over there, by that dry, old pine tree and just then, the sun came out." "It stopped raining." "The light was dazzling!" "Then we saw the house." "Suddenly I was sad that I didn't..." "I mean, that we didn't live there in that house under the pines, so close to the sea." "How beautiful it was!" "I knew that if I lived there, I'd be happy until I died." "Hm?" "What's wrong?" "Don't be afraid." "There is no such thing as death." "No, there's the fear of death, and that is an awful fear." "Sometimes it even makes people do things they shouldn't." "But how different things would be if only we could stop fearing death!" "Huh?" "Oh, I was talking about something else..." "Ah, yes." "As I was saying, we were enchanted as we took in the beauty of it." "We couldn't tear ourselves away." "The peace, the stillness..." "And... it was plain that this house was meant just for us." "It turned out to be for sale, too." "What a miracle!" "And you were born in this house." "Do you like it?" "Do you like it, your house?" "Eh, my boy?" "Man has defended himself, always against other men, against Nature." "He has constantly violated Nature." "The result is a civilisation built on force, power, fear, dependence." "All our "technical progress"" "has only provided us with comfort, a sort of standard." "And instruments of violence to keep power." "We are like savages!" "We use the microscope like a cudgel!" "No, that's wrong." "Savages are more spiritual than us!" "As soon as we make a scientific breakthrough we put it to use in the service of evil." "And as for the standard, some wise man once said that sin is that which is unnecessary." "If that is so, then our entire civilisation is built on sin, from beginning to end." "We have acquired a dreadful disharmony an imbalance, if you will, between our material and our spiritual development." "Our culture is defective." "I mean, our civilisation." "Basically defective, my boy!" "Perhaps you mean that we ought to study the problem and look for a solution together." "Perhaps we could, if it wasn't so late." "Altogether too late." "God, how weary I am of this talk!" ""Words, words, words!"" "At last, I know what Hamlet meant." "He was fed up with windbags." "And so am I. Why do I talk this way?" "If only someone could stop talking and DO something instead!" "Or at least try to." "Little Man!" "Little Man!" "Dear God, what's wrong with me?" "Fantastic!" "Such remarkable refinement!" "Such wisdom and spirituality!" "Also such pure, childlike innocence." "At once profound, yet virginal." "It's unbelievable!" "Like a prayer." "And all this has been lost." "We can't even pray any longer." "I had a rotten day today." "Or rather, a day I lost control of." "Thank you, Victor." "A splendid book!" "Thanks for the wine, too." "We'll have it later." "Above all, thanks for coming!" "Have you... never felt that your life was a failure?" "No." "Why?" "I once felt exactly that way." "But since Little Man came along, all that has changed." "Not all at once, of course." "A bit at a time as he grew bigger." "I'm very attached to him, too much, I'm afraid." "But there is something in all this that I resent." "I prepared myself for a life, a higher life, so to speak." "I studied philosophy, the history of religion, aesthetics." "And I ended up putting myself in chains, of my own free will." "But at the same time, I'm happy." "Today, for example..." "What happened today?" "I got a telegram from my friends." "As a joke, they signed it:" ""Richardians and Idiotists"." "Old theatre friends." "We played Shakespeare and Dostoyevsky." " I remember!" " No!" " Remember what?" " Those performances." " Oh, come now!" " Yes, I do!" "I remember how you dropped that vase from the tray and broke it!" "And your eyes were full of tears." "I remember it well." "The vase, too." "It was white, with blue flowers." "That's right!" "She does remember!" "But those tears meant nothing." "I had something in my eye." "It hurt so, I didn't think I'd get through the performance." "Alexander was superb as Prince Myschkin." "That role made you!" "And then you just gave it all up." "The theatre, the lot!" "You threw away everything after Richard III and The Idiot." "I don't know why." " What "everything"?" " Hm?" "What do you mean by "everything"?" "The theatre." "Everything!" ""Success", that's what you mean!" "As it happens, theatre isn't "everything"!" "I couldn't take it any more." "What do you mean?" "Well..." "For some reason, I started feeling embarrassed on stage." "I was ashamed to impersonate someone else, to play others' emotions." "But worst of all, I was ashamed of being honest on stage." "It was a critic who first saw that." "But it wasn't sudden, not at all." "So you mean that an actor may not keep his ego intact?" "That he must lose his identity?" "No, not quite." "What I mean is that an actor's identity dissolves in his roles." "I didn't want my ego dissolved." "There was something in it that struck me as sinful, something feminine and weak." "Aha!" "Feminine!" "So that's what's sinful!" "I liked you as an actor, so you quit." "That's it!" " I don't know." "That might be it." " No, that was it!" "I said it might be." " Always the last word!" " She'll be the death of him!" "Please, not today!" "It's Alexander's birthday!" "Thanks for defending me, Victor." "In other words, first he seduced me with his acting." "Then he lured me from London and abandoned me!" "But I liked being the great actor's wife." "Forgive me, but I saw no harm in it!" "Who's that, now?" "By the way, Alexander, I'll soon be leaving." "Leaving?" "Leaving all this." "Has something happened?" "I've been offered a clinic in Australia." "Are you serious?" "You must tell me about it later." "It's Otto, the postman." "He's carrying something!" "Julia!" "Your beau's come calling!" "Good evening!" " Many happy returns!" " Thanks." "Here I am, and here's a kind of present for you." "Thank you very much!" "What is it?" "I don't think I can do this alone." "It's a map of Europe, from the late 1 600s." "Is it genuine?" "How could it be?" "It must be a copy, a reproduction." "No, not at all!" "It's genuine, an original!" " How could anyone..." " Is it possible?" "How beautiful it is!" "We must take it inside." "Come, now!" "But it's far too dear a gift." "I don't know if I..." "Oh, God, don't say that!" "But it's far too much!" "Too much, Otto!" "I know it's no sacrifice, but..." "And why shouldn't it be?" "Of course it's a sacrifice!" "Every gift involves a sacrifice." "If not, what kind of gift would it be?" "Excuse me..." "Otto." "My name is Otto." "Oh." "Excuse me, Otto." "What are you doing in these parts?" "I hear you haven't lived here long." "Smoke?" "Once I went to the morgue and saw the autopsied corpse... of a man who had smoked all his life." "I saw his lungs." "I haven't smoked since." "Hear that, Alexander?" "Yes, you're absolutely right." "I've only lived here two months." "Before then, I taught history at a secondary school." "But when I took my pension, I moved here." "And here I am." "Nowadays, I have fewer expenses and more time for my interests." "My sister used to live here." "She's dead now." "I understand you're employed by the post office." "Yes, I'm a postman." "But not regularly." "Only in my spare time." "Hello, Maria!" "I've put everything in order, Mrs Adelaide." "Can I go now?" "Yes, yes, Maria." "Thank you." "Oh, yes!" "Do you think you might just warm the plates?" "Julia can do the rest." "Yes, Mrs Adelaide." "I'll put the plates to warm at once." "I'll warm the plates." "Then can I go?" "Is there anything more?" "No, no!" "You may go." "Julia's still here." "Oh, one more thing!" "Would you put the candles on the table?" "Then you may go..." "You have opened the wine, haven't you?" "Well, open it." "Then you won't be needed." "The plates, the candles, the wine." "We're neighbours, she and I." "We're acquainted." "Indeed?" "Congratulations." "She came from Iceland a few years ago." "Really?" "She is very odd." "Who?" "Maria." "Yes, Maria." "Sometimes she scares me." "It must've been lovely when men thought the world looked like this!" "This Europe looks more like Mars." "That is, it has nothing to do with truth." "No!" "But people lived then!" "And not badly, either." "But wait, what's the date today?" "1392..." "It's best we put the map away now." "Otto, will you help me?" "I have a feeling that our maps have nothing to do with truth, either." "What truth?" "You keep going on about truth." " Truth!" "What is truth?" " There's no such thing!" "We look, but don't see." "Here comes a cockroach..." "A cockroach!" "Par exemple, madame!" "Excusez-moi!" "Here comes a cockroach running 'round a plate." "He fancies that he's moving forward with a definite purpose." "How do you know what a cockroach thinks?" "It could be a ritual." " Yes!" " His own." "Aha. "Could be."" "Anything could be." ""Could be"!" "Otherwise, all we're left with is this "truth", "truth"." " Can I help?" " No, that's fine." "Let's put it there, Otto." "A fantastic map!" "I'm glad you think so." "It's a first class chart." "Where's Little Man?" "Where's the boy?" "I don't know." "He was here just a moment ago." " Shall I look?" " No, no." "He seemed down to me." " Something wrong?" " I'll be right back." "Dinner's ready." "You said you had more time for your interests..." "What did you mean?" "Huh?" "Take it easy." "I think I saw him a moment ago." " I'm sort of a collector." " Are you?" "What do you mean, "sort of"?" "How shall I put it?" "I collect incidents." "Things that are unexplainable but true." "I need a lot of time, though, to gather evidence that they're true." "I need to travel, too, and I need money for it." "That's why I'm a postman... as well." "Unexplainable?" "Little Man should be here." "He loves stories like this." "Does he, indeed?" "But still..." "I don't really understand." "Well, for example..." "No, not that one." "How about this one..." "It happened before the war." "In Königsberg, a widow was living with her son." "But then war broke out, and the boy was drafted." "He was 1 8 years old." "They decided to see a photographer and have a keepsake photo taken." "The mother and her son were photographed together." "Then the boy... the boy was sent off... to the front." "A few days later, he was killed." "Good Lord!" "In the midst of all the commotion and calamity the widow, of course, forgot about the photos." ""Of course"?" "Why, how could she forget such a thing?" " It's not important." " No, it's not very important at all." "The fact is, this woman never collected the photographs." "The war ended." "She moved to another town, far from her memories." "But didn't she even try to find the photographer?" "It was her last photo of her son!" "But do let him make his point!" "Sorry." " Mummy...!" " I'll be quiet." "Sorry!" "It doesn't matter." "Some years later..." "I think it was in 1 9 60... the widow visited a photographer to have her own photo taken." "She intended to give it to a friend." "The photo was taken, but when she got the prints she saw not only herself on them, but her dead son, too." "In the photos, he was 18 and she was as old as she was when these last photos were taken." "Did it happen like that?" "Just as you told us?" "Yes." "That's how it happened." "How did you check it?" "I've spoken with the woman." "And I have the photo showing her in 1960 and her son in a 1940s uniform." "Oh, dear God!" "And besides..." "I have a copy of his birth certificate and an official copy of the notice of death." "Are you pulling our leg?" "No, by no means!" "I have about 300 similar incidents." "284, to be exact." "We are simply blind." "We see nothing." "What was that?" "What do you think?" "Are you ill?" "No... nothing's wrong." "It was only an evil angel passing by, who saw fit to touch me." "And you see fit to joke with us, eh?" "Mr Postman?" "There are jokes and JOKES, Doctor." "There's nothing to joke about here." ""Which of you have done this?"" ""The Lords...?"" "Maria!" "Who made that?" "Little Man." "Little Man, really?" " Where is he?" " He's upstairs." "I think he's in his room." "That's good." "But what is it?" "He made it for you." "It's his birthday present to you." "It was he and Otto, the postman, who built it together." "Don't say that I told you, Mr Alexander." "He wanted to show it off himself." "I'll go now." "Many happy returns!" "Go home now!" "It's so damp out." " May I come in?" " Yes, come in!" "Oh, it's you." "Come in!" "Things are almost ready downstairs." "What on earth's that?" "What's what?" "The picture, there." "On the wall." "What is it?" "I can't see it clearly." "It's behind glass and it's so dark." "It's the Adoration of the Three Kings by Leonardo." "A reproduction, of course." "My God, how sinister it is!" "I've always been terrified of Leonardo." "...are now being organised nationwide..." "This is even the duty of all officers in the army." "Every responsible citizen... is expected to behave with courage... to keep a cool head... and to help the army... in its efforts to re-establish peace, order, and discipline." "The only dangerous enemy in our midst at the moment, is panic." "It is contagious, and won't allow itself to be ruled by common sense." "Order and organisation... and nothing less, good Citizens!" "Only order... order... against this chaos." "I beg you, I humbly appeal to your courage and... in spite of all... to your common sense." "Shall we eat?" "And wake the boy?" "We have here, unfortunately... such a base, with four missile warheads..." "And it is very likely... that these warheads, tragically enough..." "What's this?" "... will be used against us." "Communications may be broken at any time... but I have told you what is most important my fellow citizens." "You are to stay where you are." "There is no place in all of Europe... that is safer than where we are now." "In this regard, we are all forced into the same situation." "All districts will be under the control of special military units... so that... so that..." "Surely, this isn't...!" "Shouldn't one do something?" "I've waited for this all my life." "My whole life has been one long wait, for this!" "Don't touch me!" "Do something!" "You men!" "Why don't you say something?" "Can't we do something?" "Mama, please calm down!" "My God!" "Victor!" "At least you could do something!" "Please!" "The boy is asleep." "He mustn't be awakened!" "It's all my fault!" "This is my punishment!" "The boy's sleeping." "Don't wake him." " Little Man!" "Where is he?" " He's asleep." "Julia!" "Go get Little Man!" "Alexander, don't you even understand?" "Julia!" "Fetch the black bag by the piano." "Maybe later." "Oh, God!" "Put it on the table." "Alexander!" "I can't bear it any more!" "Please, please!" "Julia, do you need one, too?" "No, I don't want it!" "It's not necessary." "Yes, it is." "It's absolutely necessary." "And it's completely harmless." "It will be easier for all of us if you take it." "No!" "I don't want to!" " And you, Alexander?" " No, I'll have a drink instead." "Just don't drink too much." "It'll only make it worse." "Otto?" "Oh, no, don't worry." "Thanks, but I don't need it." "Julia!" "We must go up to the boy." "He's not to wake up, now!" "I'll go with you." "Julia can stay with Mama." "Sleep now, sleep." "We'll be right back." "It's dead." "The telephone's dead." "Oh, dear God..." "Why do we always do the opposite of what we want?" "Always!" "I have loved one man... and married another." "Why?" "Would you like something to drink?" "No, no!" "Nothing!" "Thanks, Otto." "No." "I think I know, now." "We simply don't want to depend on anyone." "When two people love each other, they don't love in the same way." "One of them is strong, the other, weaker." "And the weaker is always the one who loves without reckoning... without reservation." "It feels now as if I've awakened from some kind of dream... after some other kind of life." "For some reason, I always offered resistance." "I fought against something." "I defended myself, just as though I'd had... someone else inside me, saying:" "Don't give in to anything... don't go along with... anything or you'll die!" "But God, how foolish we are anyway!" "That's good." "It's good that you finally understood that." "How do you feel?" " Better now?" " Yes." "I've finally understood, even though it's a bit late." "But what shall we do now?" "The telephone isn't working, of course." "We could get into the car and drive north, where it's quieter..." "But it's no use." "No." "It's the same everywhere." "And no one knows where it's worst." "No, no!" "We'll stay here." "There, there..." "Easy, easy..." "We won't go anywhere." "We're staying here." "Victor!" "And now..." "Now we shall eat dinner!" "Excuse me, but I must go now." "I have a few things to put in order." "What will you do, Martha?" "Julia." "Go wake Little Man!" "Today is a very special day." "We must be together." "Please stop it!" "Julia, did you hear me?" " It's best not to wake him." " Julia!"