"Produced by" "Starring" "Makeup:" "Costumes:" "Editor:" "Art director:" "Director of photography:" "Executive producer:" "Written by:" "Produced and directed by:" "Space is endless, and this story may seem just as endless." "Thousands of things repeat over and over, and sometimes it takes time for the cycle to close." "And what was my story all about?" "OVER AND OVER" "That's me:" "Sweet, one-year-old Karel Muk." "Later I was naughty:" "Brought me a joy comparable only to riding on the tram." "Ah, my Michala!" "Slipped out from under her in their love nest." "Thus I became a widower." "Michala's best friend Tereza helped out with my daughter Vali." "Vali loved her and that inspired me." "That's me at the grave of soccer star Pepi Bican." "My grandma loved him." "She would never say who our grandpa was." "Could it have been Pepi?" "I went to work at a cemetery, just as my father wanted." "He'd spent his life making crosses." "Grandma got an interesting letter from Vienna, but we hid it from her." " That's how the plan came into" " I don't know, girls..." " This is it; what do you think?" " This is the one?" " Wow!" " It's pretty nice." "What a barn, man." "Grandma might be as noble as Prince Schwarzenberg." "Take a look:" "She's a Waldstein." "I'd move on it right away." "It's a jewel of a tomb." "We could all fit in easily:" "Grandma would go here," "Pavel would be here with some eventual partner, and I'd be here with Tereza and Vali." "That is, after she's big, old, and dead." "Explain what?" "It's her tomb." "Hold on, grandma shouldn't find out about it, or she'd make Karel show it to her." "She'd come running down here and we'd never get her to leave." "The best idea would be to buy her a trip." "How about the Taj Mahal?" " What?" " The Taj Mahal; that's a tomb too." "Good idea, eh, girls?" " You're a real wonder." " I can have ten buyers here by tomorrow." "This thing is a gold mine." "When you're dead, you're dead:" "I don't give a hoot about my final resting place." "How are you going to trick her?" "We can smooth-talk her into it at Christmas." "Hey, just don't tell our brother." "Pavel will go along." "He needs the money too." "You know that Pavel would blab." "This is a whale of an opportunity, eh, girls?" " I don't think you'll pull it off." " I wouldn't try to cheat her." " We're selling it, and that's that." " God bless us!" "Hey, bro..." "Oh, you don't know squat." "Tereza!" "What's this?" "You locked it?" "One can't hurt me..." "Vali, turn that down and shut the door." "Cut it out!" " Daddy, I want a rabbit." " Ask Tereza if there are any leftovers." "I want a live one, not a chewed one." "Forget it, kid." "Vali, say goodnight and hop in bed." "Tell daddy to buy me a rabbit." "Like Alice..." "Have you two been negotiating behind my back?" " Hop into bed." "I'll be there soon." " It's always rush, rush, rush!" "Hey, Tinkerbelle, I can't see." "Am I the one who works as a nurse, taking old pills home in my purse?" " Come here." " I'm going to bed." "The Vostrèil family, a beautiful tomb." "Sleep soundly and in peace, God will put thy heart at ease." "For the last time, I'm going to the bedroom." "And stop taking those pills." "Just look at you!" "...missed." "Josef Bican would strike twice from here." "They've lost the ball." "It seems like the players are asleep..." "Do you know where I could get one?" "Daddy!" "Vali!" " Dang it!" " Hey, what're we getting grandma this year?" "The usual?" "Velcro slippers with anti-slip soles?" "Hey, stop messing with my bible." "How about something better?" "Sure." "Let's finally get her a grave." " Did you see that?" " What?" " The stove?" "It's for cooking." " No..." "What's that?" "Death by broom?" " Is this some practical joke?" " Think I'll always stand behind you?" "Think, Karel, think!" " What're you reading?" " What?" "Just about some rabbit that thinks and talks." "Like that statue at the cemetery?" "I pitched every pill in the house." "I suppose you have a headache?" "No." "No?" " How do you mean that?" " Number 8?" "Goodnight, you gourmand." "Pavel gave me this;" "he's got a closet full of them." "I guess he stopped worrying about saving money to move out, eh?" "Nonsense." "When he gets his share for the tomb he'll be set." "If you'd paid half the attention to her that you do to me, you'd still be a happy family and I wouldn't be tending my best friend's grave." "So it's just some unfulfilled maternal instinct?" " I had no place in Prague to live." " Aha." " I love Vali and..." " And me?" "What?" "Are you making fun of me?" "A question:" "What do you think?" "Everyone's hour is foreordained." "Jiøíi Nádvorníki, 1909-1997." "Find someone else and keep your disgusting sweat off me." "You stink, and you have a fever." "I can even do it when I sweat." "But you can't buy Vali a dumb rabbit." "Well, well..." "Well, well, well!" "Well, okay." "But just this once in exchange for a rabbit, agreed?" "Don't mention rabbits:" "My inspiration's failing." "For a rabbit!" "For a rabbit..." "Look at these lovely droppings;" "that's how you know they're healthy." "Yuck, dad..." "Don't eat them!" "Come on, I'm just smelling them, checking the color, size and shape:" "They say it means something." "Come, little one, come on out." "A real beauty, eh?" "But she's pretty fierce sometimes." "That's what they all say." "Just cool your jets and look at this beauty." "Dad, are you nuts?" "Such a monster for Vali?" " What's its name anyway?" " No names, just numbers." "This one's #12." "You think I'd kill or eat something I'd named?" "That'd be like cannibalism." "Look at this one, #15;" "she was my favorite little darling." " Looks more like a lampshade now." " She could all but talk!" " Pretty quiet now." " Yeah, quiet..." "We ate her." " Like to chop some?" " No, thanks." "I've got another for Vali." "A classic roaster." "Number 8 here." " 8 lower right?" " No, this one, upper left." "Come on out." " You're going to Prague." " Perfect." "That's the one for Vali." "Hey, Tereza, the Wisdom Rabbit!" "Come and help." "You're acting like Sleeping Beauty." "Did dad cut that in the moonlight like last year?" "Dad's so thrifty!" "Yeah, but the moonshine was someplace else." "That's our dad..." "I bet he needed the sled again." "We'll look forward to seeing you on Vali's birthday." " Like to take some firewood back to Prague?" " Oh, mom..." " We'll miss the train." " Bye." " Come on!" "Stop hassling me." "You're always such a drag." " What are you gonna call him?" " Furry." "Dang it!" "Stupid fridge!" "Stupid Junk!" "Day in, day out!" "Help!" "Are you at it again?" "Not anymore..." "I got Vali a rabbit." "She's thrilled." "What're you smoking?" " My last joint." "I'm quitting." " You are?" "Let me see if it's any stronger than tobacco." "You scored points, but one bunny isn't gonna help your karma." "Are you nuts?" "How's a rabbit going to help fix a car?" " I'm not talking about cars." " No?" " And yours is clean, I suppose?" " This isn't about carburetors, bro." "Pretty wimpy stuff, man." "This knuckle of yours is crap." "Hey, respond when I'm talking to you." "Why should I talk when you don't understand me?" "You're just happy to live here, eh?" "Just taking it easy." "My brother got his smarts from a stack of weird books." "I looked at a few and thus started my exercise phase." "Let's go, Vali..." "What're you up to now, Mr. Gourmand?" "You'll see..." "The Five Tibetans, ask Pavel." "And improves circulation and your internal erection glands." " Internal erection?" "Oh, right." " Of course." "Whenever and wherever." "It's Tibet, Tereza, get it?" "Watch out or you'll bruise your flab." "Come on, Vali, or the doctor will leave without us." "It concerns a halfhearted approach to sex and not sticking it out." "What about the rabbit?" "What a polite ass..." "From one job to another like a taxi." "Big doctor!" "Fricken stupid piece of junk!" "Idiotic fridge!" "This place is such a mess!" "Look at that!" "He hit the crossbar!" "Let's see that again." "What a shame..." "Furry?" "Sorry..." "Furry?" "Oh, come on, come on..." "What a mess!" "What a mess!" "Come on, Furry, don't do this to me." "Come on!" "Come on!" "...A very unfortunate moment..." " Nothing." "Hi, Tereza..." "Do you know how to resuscitate a rabbit?" "I thought maybe an injection into its heart." "I know you work gynecology, maybe it is a female..." "No, it's not a joke." "What about that neighbor, that doctor?" "Tereza?" "Dang it!" "Om..." "Dang it!" "Om, om, om..." "How should I know what to tell her?" "It was a rodent;" "say it chewed it's way out." "Through the wall?" "Such a stupid lie?" "It's not lying;" "it's a compassionate half-truth." "Well, then make the hole yourself." "Or think of something else." "Couldn't you have been more careful?" "Such a lovely roaster and you boot it like it was a bear!" "Yeah, okay, I'll think of something." "Om..." "Om what?" "Stop that oming..." "What's going on here?" "Can you believe it?" "Furry fainted." "Just like that." "All by himself." "Fainted?" "By himself?" "Just like that?" "It surprised me too." "Who called?" "Granny, stop eating all the "little coffins." You'll get sick again." "It's true, mom." "On September 9th you ate 17 of them." " So what?" "Maybe at Christmas you'll need a big one without whipped cream." " Who called?" " Just Karel." "He kicked the rabbit and now he's acting like it's life or death." " I'm going to check the gas meter;" "it's reading too high." " Again?" "Number 8..." "Such a beautiful roaster!" "Such a cute pet!" "Here's to number 8!" "What consumption!" "I'll jot it down." "What efficiency!" "Happy birthday to you, We have some gifts too," "Happy birthday dear Vali, May your wishes come true!" "Next came my honesty phase..." "I'd like to say something." "Broken glass is good luck, right?" "Tereza started it all by bringing home some old pills." "And Vali because she always wanted a rabbit." "Then there were these coincidences, but since coincidences don't exist I deduced that I needed to change:" "I want to stop lying, stealing, and cheating." "Daddy, you're wonderful!" "Just buy grandma some slippers and stay home on Christmas if you like." "Oh, Karel, I'm so in love with you, and I'm so incredibly horny." "Karel!" "Go ahead and sell the tomb and choke on the money!" "Well?" "You look like you've got something to say." "Vali, remember how I said that Furry ran away?" "Well, I lied, and it's wrong to lie." "Furry didn't run away, he just crossed paths with Rex." "Well, I thought it was silly to just pitch Furry in the trash because our friends can be useful in death as well as in life even fricasseed." "So, Vali, for your birthday I have a souvenir of your friend." " Furry?" " Yes, it's a rabbit's foot, for good luck." "Just rub it whenever you want anything and your wish will come true." "It's a magic foot." "Happy birthday." "That's cannibalism!" "Eat a rabbit with a name?" "You've gone too far, boy!" "For once, dad, I agree with you." "Put that in your notebook." "I'm not hungry anymore." "She could have had a pair of gloves." "Warm ones..." "Out of her friend, right?" " Hi." " Hi." "You already ate?" "What did you have?" "Don't ask." "Vali's friend." "What was his name?" "Rex, here's a treat!" "I know what you did to Furry." "You're right, a stove isn't a doghouse." " You're mine, too." " Come on, Vali, let's go." " Coming!" "Dang it!" "And I forgot my key!" "Broken glass is good luck, right?" "Tereza, why are you crying?" "Dita, what if we go make it in the mountains for the weekend?" "Before Christmas?" "Why not?" "Romance helps with all the insanity around." "But we'll need some chains." "You'll be tied up, completely immobile." "Then bulldozers..." "Guys with chainsaws..." "They wanna clear cut it." "I'm working on something for Greenpeace." "I thought maybe we could go together." "You're crazy." "Like that Slovak fairy tale where the camel, tortoise, and stork snack on blueberries at a cemetery." "I don't understand you sometimes either." " Wanna go?" " No." "I'm not going anywhere." "What is this anyway?" "Robert and I gave dad a difficult task:" "To cheat grandma." "He'll get her to sign the relevant paper and the tomb will be ours." "Here it is, mom..." " No "little coffins"?" " Careful, the cream puffs are on top." "Look, you can choose:" "Egypt to see mummies and the Valley of Kings..." "Or how about the Dead Sea?" "Even you could swim there:" "You float." "And it's hot." " I like the mummies better." " The mummies then." "Just sign this preauthorization." "That way we won't miss out." "These things go like hotcakes." "Hotcakes?" "Nothing's cooking here." "We've got to send it in by Christmas." "Where's the money coming from?" "It's a gift from Robert, like I told you." " Do I have to go alone?" " You can take anyone you want." " Like who?" " Mrs. Novák, Mrs. Balák, Mrs. Bezpalec..." "Anyone and everyone wants to go to Egypt." "Listen, it's a trip for two." "It's trip for two..." "Just sign here." "You're so jumpy." " Do I get a new swimsuit?" " How about a black one?" " It weighs a ton." " What's it, for God's sake?" "It's as heavy as solid gold." " Hey, girls!" " Heavy, huh?" " No, it's light." "Pavel stepped in concrete somewhere and now it's our Christmas present." " What are you hiding?" " Vìra bought me a key to the gas meter." "Damn, it's freezing." " We have the consent to sell, so don't mess it up." " Don't worry." "Have a nice trip." "And grandma's got to see those mummies." "Of course, dad." "Let's go." "Christ, I can open it with a screwdriver." "I'm the one who uses it." "This is a waste of money." " Only 39 crowns." " 39 crowns." "Exactly!" "Lt'll just get lost, like always." " He's so jumpy." " Bye now!" "'39..." "That's the year the Nazis rolled in, eh, mom?" "What a year..." "Bye!" "We agreed to persuade grandma, not rip her off." "Rip her off?" "Christ, Vìra, don't be hysterical." " Me, huh?" " Karel's already got a new car on the way." "It's the deposit on the tomb, so what's the problem?" "Grandma's happiness is all that matters." "The tomb is already sold." "Darn it, Karel!" "You can't be this stupid." "You made a deal with your dad behind our backs." "Daddy's not stupid!" "Right?" "That's right, Vali..." "They are!" "You act like we ratted grandma out to the Gestapo." " We can't back out anyway now." " That's right, we can't." " You'd be surprised, toots." " Toots?" "Watch your mouth!" " What the hell?" " What the hell?" " Did you hear her?" "Watch your mouth!" "I won't be able to look grandma in the eye on Christmas Eve." "Go by yourselves." "Tereza, Vali, and I will stay in Prague." "Oh, grandma will just love that." "She'll jump for joy!" "I'm sure you'll think up some lie." "You're an expert!" " Isn't it idiotic to ruin Christmas?" " You're asking me?" "Don't try to make asses of us." "We're not the bad guys." " You shouldn't say ass, Tereza." " That's right." "Just simmer down." " Simmer down?" "What do you mean?" " Don't say ass..." "Get out, Vali!" "If you think everything's kosher then you can shove that money." "Yeah?" "That's your suggestion?" "This makes me sick and I've got a strong stomach!" "Listen, either you do it our way, like we agreed, or I'll never set foot in your sneaky father's house again." " Fine, it's agreed." " What?" " You'll stay home." " What?" " You can't be serious?" "Christmas has come around this year, let's all sing, my friends so dear!" "You don't think you're acting ridiculous?" "Why?" "We'll spend Christmas at our folks, and then we'll all celebrate together." "Don't be so stubborn." "Let's not argue at Christmas." "The little forlorn heart from its parents had to part." "Vladimír Novák, 93, a lovely granite slab with angels." " Dammit, let's go!" " You shouldn't say dammit." "You're right." "Dang, what can you say instead of dammit?" "And so the girls and the new Furry stayed in Prague." "Dad, better keep an eye on these sheep; they're nasty." "What warmth!" "So healing." "Strong and delicious!" "Not there, mom, that's my place." "Pavel's average lateness for the past five years:" " 56 minutes." " Exactly?" " I don't count the seconds;" "that'd be overdoing it." " Right." " How's the nativity scene?" "Is it okay?" " What could be wrong?" " Jesus!" "Christ is missing." " Vali is too." "Where'd she catch it?" "School?" "It's some rare virus;" "half her class is sick." "She can't walk, she's coughing, stuffy nose and ears, and on top of that, her period." "What?" "Her period..." "Tereza, of course, not Vali." "Come on, mom, you think Vali could be on her period?" "Let's call her;" "I really wanted to see her." "Call her how?" "What like?" "Call where?" "She's at the hospital with Tereza, in the ICU." "Where are you gonna call?" "No one will answer." "We'll call later after we get there." "From what I've heard she sounds fine." "A bit of a cough." "Vali:" "A cough." "Not there, mom, that's my place." "Mr. Jumpy!" "The best present I could get for Christmas is a place of burial." " What would you use it for?" " To lie in." " And catch cold?" "Then we'd have to get you a heater." "It's nonsense to always think about death." "It leads to nothing;" "what's the good of it?" " And we're on fire again!" " Grandma!" " When are we gonna eat?" " Grandma!" " I just wanted to light the tree." " I'm pretty hungry." "I'll just turn it a bit." "I'll get the soup." "We've still got plenty of time." "They're enjoying the Christmas spirit." "I'm sorry we're not there!" "You can't back out now, girl." "It's a matter of principle." "I hope their consciences are eating them alive." "They don't cheat on you because they're afraid." " And then they toe the line." " Why would they tow a line?" "Because..." "Why would they toe the line?" "So there'll be peace and quiet." " Hare Krishna!" " Praise the Lord Jesus!" " Hi, mom." " Hare Krishna!" " Hi, grandma." "Hare Christmas, bro." "Pretty wild." "Jesus came home to preach wearing robes of palest peach." "Hairy Christmas?" "Grandma, that's my place." " Another one of your getups?" " I just wanted... to say..." "You were late." "You can talk when it's your turn." " Enjoy the meal and Praise the Lord!" " Forever and ever." " Forever and ever, dad." " Sit!" " Has Robert ever cheated on you?" " I'd like to see him try." "Just once and it's over." "Am I such a bitch that he needs to cheat on me?" "And you him?" "You've got to be extremely cautious." "And play every card extremely, extremely carefully." "I love this house;" "I'm not crazy enough to risk it." " I won't let things collapse." " Really?" "Mom, to your place!" "Will you kindly inform me about that clown outfit you're wearing?" "Dad, it's a dhoti kurta." "Where is everybody?" "The Dutch play in orange, but I don't see a number." "I don't speak Dutch and I certainly don't root for them!" "They grunt!" "I want to become a Hare Krishna not root for Ajax Amsterdam." "So take it off!" "You're through!" "For Christ's sake, Josef, please!" "Stop fighting." "It doesn't matter who he roots for, does it?" "I don't root for anybody." "So what?" " No, thanks, mom, no fish soup for me." " Why not?" "Come on, man, it smells so good." " Wonderful, mom." " The apostles were fishermen." "Jesus, son of God, ate fish." "The Bible is clear:" "Thou shalt not kill." "Jesus didn't eat fish;" "it's a bad translation." " You were there when they translated it?" " Were you?" "Should I get the Bible?" "Get an older edition." "Yes, an older edition is better." "Here..." "St. Luke, chapter the miracle of satisfying the 5000." "Christ blessed 5 loaves and 2 fish." "That's right, fish, and he fed them all." "Genesis says not to eat bloody meat because blood is life." "It's obvious you've both read the Bible." "Let's eat!" "My God, is there blood in this meat?" "Is it dripping?" "A proper slaughter spills no blood." "No blood in the meat means it tastes good." " Genesis is right." " I quoted Genesis, mom." " What?" "Yes, everyone likes it." "Mom's right, it's fantastic." " Pavel, you ate fish last year." " Last year isn't this year!" " What are you doing?" " Sit down this instant!" "Whoever leaves Christmas Eve dinner brings bad luck on the whole family." "So how did that Bible get there?" "I need some air." "Can I have Pavel's meat since he doesn't want it?" "It isn't even food, is it?" "It's asphalt or maybe concrete." "Concrete?" "But it's so tender." "Where's Karel?" "Pepi Bican would never do that." " You mean Pavel, grandma." " Butt out." "Bican's name was Josef." " Like dad, right?" " Bican was Viennese." "He played for Prague!" "And stop hinting about my father." "One day I'll find out who you let loose with." "You'll blab someday." "You don't deserve the name Pavel." "My own son comes for Christmas looking like a transvestite." "Are you trying to completely ruin Christmas?" "Stop trying to force feed me." "What's so hard to understand?" "Yep, I'm drinking." "Something I never do." "That's not gonna help your heart any." "Because of you, because of you all!" " For once I agree with Pavel." " I got it under control." "Dad!" " Dad!" "What are you doing?" " Hey, I'm insured." " I don't care if I die!" " What's so funny, you dork?" " You'll be rich one day!" " Get up!" "And you!" "Couldn't you just try the fish?" "What would happen?" "Fish is sweeter than your old man!" "Stop it, dad." "Dad's right." "You could close your eyes and pretend it isn't fish." "You didn't kill it and it isn't gonna look at you." "Come on, bro, try the fish;" "close your eyes and try it." "Act like it isn't fish." "Just pretend and all is forgiven." "That's exactly it;" "we're always pretending something." "Mom pretends it's all okay." "Grandma's out of it, and you, dad..." " What about me?" "Spit it out!" " Look at yourself." "If it doesn't fit in your notebook it really bugs you." "You're nice, dad; you are." "You always insisted that everything would be okay if we repeated Our Father and the Ten Commandments." "It won't just be okay, dad." "That's crap." "Now you worry about my heart?" " Well, Merry Christmas, dad." " He's always so jumpy." " Obey the commandments, don't just pay them lip service." " Relax, dad." "You can't even buy grandma some shampoo!" "Grandma doesn't care if we buy her a candy bar or a laptop." "At least a laptop then." " You only ever got her slippers." " Untrue!" " 1998:" "Winter slippers." "1999:" "Summer slippers." " 2000:" "Vinyl slippers." " Quality vinyl!" " 2001:" "Galoshes!" " Galoshes aren't slippers." " 2003:" "Nothing." " What do you mean nothing?" " The same as in 2000, so it doesn't count." " They'd proved themselves!" " And what about this year?" " We haven't passed out presents yet." " I have a present for grandma." " Oh, I'll just bet!" "Offspring of a virgin's womb King of kings" "Our saviour is born" "Well, go ahead, Dutchman;" "We won't wait for Robert." "Wow, Pavel, plasma?" "What does Robert pay you?" "Plasma?" "What's that?" "A flat TV kind of a thing." "Everyone knows that." "That'd be major repentance." "We could bury the hatchet." "Plasma?" "Well, it depends on the stage you're talking about." " Right mom?" "...Sure." "What?" "This is too much!" " A headstone!" " Broken glass is good luck, right?" " Where are you going?" " To church." "The Apocalypse is here!" "A tomb for Christmas." "What next?" "It's too much!" "Pretty nice, man." "Who did it?" " Halásek from Mìlníki." " That one-armed guy?" "I talked about it so often but no one ever listened." " Nice, isn't it, grandma?" " It's beautiful." "I'll be back later;" "wait here for me." "You're chained there anyway." "A frosty mug never killed anyone." "And not a word to mom." "Where'd that old song go..." "Dirty rotten scoundrels;" "they ruin everything." "I wanted one just like Pepi Bican's but this one is lovely." "Shouldn't you go look for your father?" "Did you hear mom?" "Hey, hurry, Mr. Hare!" " I'm sorry I won't be here." " Oh, grandma..." " Take the sled just in case." " You know dad..." "Find his notebook, write him a note, and he'll be back in an hour." " Sure." " Come on." "Enough already, grandma." "It's shining like God's eye." " What?" "I'm finishing Jesus' head." "At least He's here with us." "Josef deserves one of these too." "So lightly dressed?" "So that's how it is." "Already?" "I thought you were chained there?" " Well?" " He's not at the church." " I told you." " Why send me then?" " You've got 1,000 excuses." "He's at the pub and he's waiting for the sled." "Hey, a clue:" "Dad's notebook." "Give me that." "It means we're headed right." "I'm going to Egypt with grandma." "December, 24th." " Get your snoot out of that." " Why are they going to Egypt?" "Well, grandma's going because our kind father bought her a trip." " Dad is kind?" " Yes." "If you didn't argue, he'd be kind all the time." "Oh, right, dad is kind..." "Kind of drunk!" "Stop making scenes." "Just apologize to dad and things will be fine." " Apologize yourself." " Me?" "What's the logic?" " None." "Watch out!" "What's that?" "Dad..." "Dad..." "Hare Krishna, dad." "Hare Krishna..." " Shut up and move!" " Hare Krishna." " Get lost; you don't know what you're doing!" " He's dead, man." "He can't be!" "Dad?" "He can't be; that's too fast." "He's just frozen, just frozen..." "Dad, it'll be a great insurance claim." "How they'll gawk." "Turn the sled around!" "Pavel!" "Fuck, do something!" "Stop meditating!" "Turn the sled!" "The adjusters will be flabbergasted:" "Frostbite, they never had that." "How they'll stare." "What a claim we'll file!" " Josef, on the sled again?" " No surprise there." " Happy holidays!" " Hey, where're you going?" " To the garage." " What do you mean?" "Pavel wanted to put dad in the garage." "But if he found out, he'd kill us." " Have you lost it?" " What's your plan?" "Let him go in peace." "Who ever died falling off a chair?" "Why not?" "You always think you know everything." "Go make coffee." "You should have fallen down the stairs." "So much easier." "Grandma liked the present." "And she doesn't know about the tomb." "Why didn't you get hit by a car?" "That'd be full compensation." "Oh, how they'd gawk as they forked over the cash." "Shitty life." "You should have let me be a tram driver." "They've got it great." "The tracks make everything clear." "All I've got are problems." "That's not right, dad." "Pavel was 27 minutes late, not 56." "You gotta be fair, right?" "Man..." "You made it exactly." "You always were a stickler." "Dad..." "You've got a cookie here..." "Dad's looking pretty down, eh?" "Mom, he had a... heart attack." " Oh, come on." " His last one." " I just saw him eating a cookie." " What?" " Are you insane?" " He had a cookie." "Maybe he's alive." "When you feed your dead father it's over, get it?" "It's over!" "Over!" "Already?" "Not you..." "Josef." "Mom... don't cry." "This bastard!" "You killed dad by giving grandma that nonsense!" "I gave grandma what she wanted." " But now we've got to invent some stupid accident." " What accident?" "To get the insurance." "Karel's pretending dad fell off a chair or choked on a fishbone!" " Me, huh?" "It's all my fault?" " Please, stop!" "I'm doing the rescuing and you're the holy one?" "I'm trying to save things because you killed dad!" "Mom, he's a psycho." "He'd let everyone die of hunger over a stupid fish." "Mom, he's a psycho!" "Father, into thy hands I commend my soul." " Hojda's, 1938?" " No, Jesus of Nazareth." "You should know that." "In that case you forgot to add 0-33." " Where are you going?" "Robert's coming." " Is something going on?" "What's going on?" "What's going on?" "Dad..." "It's on, but he won't answer." "Mr. Offended." "Go after him." "He has sugar all over him..." "I..." "Karel..." "I'll call for a hearse." "A horse?" "We've got a horse?" "The insurance company won't swallow this bait." "How is it there?" "It's hell here..." "And freezing to boot." "Dammit!" "Hey, Karel, I can't right now, I got a problem." "Hello?" "What's this?" "Why are you lying here?" "What are you doing?" "Come on, bro..." " The Muk residence." "Leave a message." " Hi, it's Robert." "I promised to come take Karel home, but I haven't even left Prague because of the ice." "I can't risk it." "And I scratched up my car so I'm turning around." "Take the train, bro." "I'm sure you'll manage." "Dammit!" " Hi." " Watch out, dammit!" "Know how long this took?" "Merry Christmas." "Where's Karel?" "I never made it." "There's so much ice that I slid off the road." " Great, how's Karel getting home?" " How should I know?" "If you hadn't acted so dumb we'd all be together." " Isn't daddy coming?" " I'll call him." " Vìra, the salad, please." " Did you call?" " Of course." "They must have been at church." "I left a message." "Karel will take the night train." "Let's eat at least, okay?" "They don't answer." "They really must be at church." " Did you think I was lying?" " You?" "No, never..." " Vìra, pass me the salad." " Where's daddy?" " Muk, Karel!" " Cremation or burial?" "I don't have the hospital record, but it's cremation." " Another young log on the fire." " At least he'll warm up." "He wouldn't like the frozen ground anyway." "ABS failure..." "Ouch!" "I thought this one was Muk." "That's his dad." "He bought it right next to him." " The farm?" " Yeah, the farm." "Merry Christmas, guys." "Looks pretty good for getting slammed by a car." " Muk..." " Rhymes with spook." "Most suicide jumpers die before they hit." " What?" " The ground." "I don't think that car even touched him." "People just give up before it's time." "But why?" " Because." " Oh, right." "Because." "Vìra, there's a fly in here." "Ouch!" "Are you nuts, or what?" "Do something about this fly." "Just open the window." " Come on, Vìra." " Leave me alone." "Did you read this?" "Did anyone see the car that hit him?" "No?" "Why do you ask?" " How can someone just drive off?" " What losers." " Lf you had come earlier..." " What if I had?" "It wouldn't matter." "They'll catch them, don't worry." "Just a matter of time." "But it won't bring my brother back." " Why on Christmas?" "That's crazy." " Hang in there..." " I'm going shopping." " Got some money?" "Okay." "I just can't get used to him being dead." "It's really crazy." " Call Tereza and bring her over." " Lf she wants." "How could it happen?" "How could it happen?" "How could it happen?" "Goddammit!" " Today's phrase is:" "Take it easy." " Take it easy..." " Sorry." " We could have got a free ride from you." " You know him?" " I guess not." " We'll be seeing you again." " Fuck you, asshole!" " Come on." "I'm really sorry." "Dammit, this isn't the way." " Coffee?" " No, thanks." " I was sorry to hear..." " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Thanks." "Pavel's doing his ecology thing and I'm fed up." "We'll go over it on Friday but I don't have time now." "New perfume?" "Santa or Pavel?" "Pavel." " What's with your head?" " Life is change, especially now." "I know..." " Hey, I got a favor." " Again?" "I scratched up my car." "Can you take it to be fixed?" "I fix your screw-ups but you leave me out of the rest." " What's the tomb worth?" " You know about it?" " We thought it best to present you with a done deal." " What done deal?" "Your share will help buy you a love nest, so don't be stupid." " No reason anymore." " Oh, come on." "I think grandma ought to know about it." "If she finds out she won't sell, understand?" "We can't back out of the deal now." "The buyer gave me a new car as a deposit; how can I back out?" "I'm not stupid." "Don't Hang Your Head and Keep Betting." "That's good." "That's a good slogan." "It really is..." "I'll call you later." "So turn up the ringer or something." "My god..." " Calm down, Vali's with her, right?" " No, she's at her grandma's." " Aha." "Then I'll invite Tereza out for a drink." "To get her mind on other things." " Well, don't overdo it and come home early, okay?" " Don't worry." " Hey, where's my car?" " I have it; mine's in the shop." "Should I have ridden a bike in the snow?" "Then what's this new thing in the driveway?" "The car?" "What a honey, eh?" " It's the deposit on the tomb." " Oh..." "I'll explain it this evening." "I gotta run." "Hey, next time you take my car be kind enough to tell me, okay?" "Yeah, yeah..." "What did I ever do to anybody?" " 2353." " 23..." " 2353." " 23... 2353!" "2353!" "2353!" "It doesn't work." "You can't even push buttons." "What a racket!" "It's gonna wake the customers." "Now what?" "It doesn't work." "Yellow or red?" "Yellow..." "For good luck." " Black." " I said yellow." " Thanks." "Hey, customers!" "Did we wake anyone?" "Come on." " I only have 100, is that okay?" " And you got in a cab?" "You trying to commit suicide?" "Shall I take you to the bridge?" "No, no, I'm doing it in reverse:" "I just got out of a coffin." " That's a great opportunity to start over." " Why?" "You got overtime." "Where'd you have the accident, sir?" "It was parked;" "it happened while I was gone." "Have you been drinking?" "No, of course I haven't been drinking." "Look, I've got no reason to be evasive." "No evasion necessary, we just want to know where you stole..." " What?" " I mean, where you had the accident." "What do you mean by overtime?" "At least once in our lives we're all very near death, and if you survive it it's overtime:" "A bonus, a gift." "Look out!" " How can you laugh?" " I once had a real cheater of a boyfriend." "I wanted to change him, but I ended up trying to kill myself." "Look." "You can't change anyone but yourself." " What is that there?" " He gave me a lucky rabbit's foot." "Poor rabbit." "Sometimes people just pull a hit-and-run." "Witnesses report it, a taxi driver that happened by..." " Coincidences, eh?" " How does that concern me?" "Where were you Christmas Eve?" "And what happened to the paint?" " What paint?" " Here." " Oh, man..." "Robert." " Robert who?" "Brother Robert..." "I've swept the tombs of many people who thought it wasn't their time." " Thanks a lot." " Because it's Christmas..." " How's it going?" " Fix yourself a drink." " Where's Vali?" " I left her at her other grandma's." "I don't know how to tell her." "First her mom, then the rabbit, and now this..." "It's a drag, really terrible..." "But what can you do?" "Nothing." "It's just weird." "He died just when a car went into a skid, or something like that." "I'm so glad you're here." "Hold on a sec..." "Just a cat." "Maybe you'd feel better if we went out." "Relax a bit, that's what you need." "Aren't you happy?" "I am happy..." "Tereza, haven't we waited long enough?" "It's not easy for anyone, not for me either." " You didn't love him anyway." " But it seems like we caused it." "The heck we did." "It just happened." "Worse things happen." "What could he offer you?" "Your apartment was a funeral museum:" ""Toward the Light" and all that." " And he was impotent." " No, he wasn't." " I don't want to know." "He just didn't excite me." "He was like an inflatable doughboy." " Let's go." " Oh, okay." " We have to." "Here's some money." "Is twenty okay?" " Thanks, I really need it." " Yeah, this place looks like a war zone." "Let me look at it." "Robert, is something wrong?" "No, but I think I need to buy you a new kitchen." "I'll take another look." "Beat it, monster!" " Shall we go?" " Sure, I'll just lock up here." "Whores..." "Fucking whores!" "What's that cat that's always hanging around?" " It's always here..." "I'll go get the heater going." " Fine." "What terrible weather." "But it won't drive us nuts, eh, Robert?" "You're a clever guy." "Ladies and gentlemen, the evening is underway." "Let's keep things respectable." "Happy or sad, we've got the right medicine for you." "Whoever sits at this table will find out everything they want to know." "Let's see who comes." "Let's hurry..." "You left a light on." " For thieves." "Who's car is this?" " Vìra's." "If only I had been there..." "Another time, another place, but it would have happened anyway." "You can't change it." "Sorry to interrupt you..." "Well, my lovely sinners, another big surprise awaits you this magical evening!" "Miss Sára?" "Of course." "My darlings, people come here for different reasons." "Just for fun, out of interest or boredom, or because they're afraid of something." "What am I afraid of?" "Show us what you got." "Shuffle and take four cards." "You'll live to an old age." " Very old." " You don't say?" "And?" "Your past lives gave you a good foundation." "You get gifts but you don't value them." "People help you, but they won't forever." " How much?" " Two 50s." " That's 100, right?" " Stinking social case!" "Come on, guys..." "Look alive, blondie." "A strange constellation." "You have a strong personality." "Rich and, thus far, happy." "But something's happened recently." "I see an unhappy event concerning you or someone close." "A car!" "Everything you've done in your past will be reflected in what happens in the very near future." "Take care:" "You've got a tiger by the tail." "You're right, Sára..." "I'm tied of this." "Come on, Tereza." " You're involved somehow?" " Let's thank the lady and go." "Right?" "You're mixed up in it somehow." " In what?" " You know very well:" "Karel!" " What are you saying?" " The car that skidded was yours!" "What are you rambling about?" "Please, tell me the truth." "Are you involved?" "I take you out to cheer you up and you accuse me of murder." " That's just great!" " Oh, me, huh?" "I'm great?" "Vìra told me how nervous you've been." "And how you asked about the article in the paper." "Right!" "Tereza, you're sick." "Just answer the question:" "Are you or aren't you involved?" "Stop treating me like Karel." "Got it?" "You might be nervous too if your father and brother had just croaked." "For the last time, answer me:" "Are you or aren't you involved?" " You're just paranoid." " Me, paranoid?" "What?" "Fake people in a world so fake, a fake accent for the lies we make." "We look to each other for support, then put on masks as a first resort." "I'm about to fly," "I'm about to fly, up to my planet in the sky." "Up on Venus above, when we fall in love," "we never speak." "Aren't you gonna wait for me?" " To finish your drink?" " I need cigs." "Wait in the car." "Cigarettes!" "One sparkling water and a telephone card, please." "How about those cigs?" " You left me for that hysterical woman?" " The pretty one on stage?" " Smile, blondie." "Me..." "I'll pay." "Forget the cigs." "If you'd waited, you wouldn't have had to tap-dance to keep warm." " Where'd you get that?" " I found it." "Dr. Èepek, huh?" "Great." " You know that big shot, don't you?" " From the hospital." "So what?" " The hospital, eh?" " Are you trying to say I'm cheating?" "On my lover?" " You're a real riot." " Get in and let's go." " Don't talk to me." "What should I do?" "Should I turn myself in because of an accident?" "You're like Bambi trying to understand war." " Get that fly!" " Have you gone nuts?" "What are those flies doing?" "They should sleep in winter." " They should be sleeping." " Stop trying to kill us!" "I'll get that fly if it's the last thing I do." " Keep your eyes on the road!" " Leave me alone!" "Forget about the fly, dammit." "Screw the stupid fly!" "Can't you just stop?" "Tereza!" "Now everything's cool." "Doctor, could you lend us a hand?" "That's just great." "With my own brother." "Really trying to make an ass of me." "Hey, do you guys know my brother?" "Do you know my brother?" "My brother, Pavel?" "Thanks." "Do you know my brother?" "Pavel Muk?" "Brother Pavel?" "Yes, I was alive, but I looked like a corpse without a coffin." "I thought at least my mother might offer a little sympathy." "Thanks a lot." "The x-rays look good, Tereza, see?" "These are contusions..." "An absolute miracle." "Let me take you home." "Hello?" " And Robert?" " He's still in surgery but the worst is over." "I was wondering how he knew I was a doctor." " We've never seen each other." " What a coincidence, eh?" " Hi, Pavel." " I'm Karel, grandma." " Karel's dead." " I'm not." " Is Josef?" " Yes, he is." "And me?" "You're kind of half and half, but you still have time." " I think I'd rather watch TV." " We don't belong together." "Our relationship is like a rabbit and swallow's." " What's this?" " "José and Manuel."" "Just as a rabbit doesn't migrate to warm climes..." "Is mom asleep?" "No, she's in Prague..." "At Vìra's with Vali." "They're arranging your funeral." "You should be on time." "Grandma, Dad's dead, but I'm alive." "Take a look." "Okay, see you tomorrow, Pavel." "Say hello to Josef." "Tell him I can hardly wait." " I don't have a brother, Manuel." " The funeral's tomorrow?" "I should be there..." "Remember that I'm Karel, okay, Grandma?" "Karel..." " Fine, Pavel." " That was on purpose, right?" "Forgive me, Manuel." "Roberto isn't my brother." "He bribed us all..." "I still can't live with you." "You have so much dandruff;" "look at it:" "Dandruff, dandruff..." "Manuel, it's just a bit of dandruff." "Must I remain alone?" "Alone..." "Well... it's off to Prague." "What am I gonna tell them?" "What am I gonna say, man?" "That I'm not dead?" "Robert, you go on back to Vìra, and I'll start living with Tereza again." "Oh, man... it's ridiculous." "The same thing over and over." "Sparkling water and a glass of wine, please." "Funny, but I didn't remember where I'd left my wallet." "I thought I left it at home, so I got in the car and that saved you." " You could have borrowed money." " Sure, but I had your pictures in my wallet." " Good God!" "Those pictures?" "And if my wife had seen them..." "This overtime is really great." "A bonus!" "A gift!" "Fresh as a newborn babe." "The goddamn heater could at least work!" "I'll show you how a rabbit and swallow live together!" "You'll be in for a surprise when this goes cat on the prowl." " Yes?" " Mrs. Èepek?" "Is your husband home?" " I think I found his wallet." " Thank you." "That's so kind." "My husband will be pleased." "No, no..." "You bitch!" "No heat, eh?" "Then I'll make things hot for you, you vixen!" "What a flame!" "Oh, man, that's real warmth." ""Toward the Light."" "And Christ rose from the dead..." "No big deal." "Rush, rush, rush and not a moment's rest." "I should've been here long ago." "I won't make it, I can't do it..." "Sorry, friends, I'm terribly late..." "Dad, "Nothing feigns death so much as sleep."" "Pavel Šmerda, 34, a very modest grave." "Goodnight, dad." " Pretty cool ride, eh, grandma?" " Yes, it was very nice." " Is it ours?" " Yes, from selling rabbits." " Cars are still so expensive?" " Yeah, and Robert even chipped in." "I don't want a rabbit..." "I want my daddy." "Our hour has struck..." "I'll count my wrinkles just to see..." " The gates have opened..." " I'll add more sugar to my tea..." " We poor of Prague shall rise up..." " I'll tune my banjo, then I'm free." "For today we play at lords..." "Enough!" "I'll count my wrinkles just to see, I'll add more sugar to my tea..." "Thanks." "Okay, who's the first customer?" "Spooks?" "Muks?" " This is unbelievable." "Who dressed him?" " Not me." "What are you doing?" "Lie down!" "Sorry." "Dearest bereaved, today we bid farewell to dear departed Josef Muk." "It's nonsense to always think about death." "It leads to nothing." "Father, son, husband, and grandfather." "Now you worry about my heart?" "A true believer, stickler, and alcoholic." "Hey, that's Pavel." "No, grandma, but it sounds like Karel." "So who died?" "It's some stupid joke." "It's a recording." " We also bid farewell to his son..." " Daddy!" "..." "Karel Muk." " Daddy, daddy, daddy!" " Vali..." "Vali, come here." "Karel Muk was a blind idiot who thought he was a great father, a husband who understood it all." "It's Tibet, Tereza, get it?" "But he didn't realize his wife didn't love him, nor that she was cheating with his brother Robert." "You whore!" "I wouldn't try to cheat her." "Smack." "We were a bit like a rabbit and a swallow, eh, Tereza?" "Vali, I lied about the first Furry." "Rex didn't kill him." "I did, but I didn't mean to." " It's okay, daddy." " You're a sweetheart." "Let's go get a treat." "It's getting kind of sad here." "By the way, here's an interesting letter for grandma from the beyond." "Hold on, grandma shouldn't find out about it." " You have a tomb, grandma." " Waldstein?" " Karel." " Mom." "Finally." "So we've got two villa's, three apartment houses, and now a tomb." "He was a skinflint." "If he hadn't died he never would have changed." "Our grandfather's secret almost stayed hidden." "It was a night full of joy when Rapid Vienna won the league." "I did what I'd always wanted:" "Moved close to a tram depot and started driving one of Prague's red racers." "Robert stopped putting the pedal to the metal, and started pondering "what ifs":" "What if I'd let that fly alone?" "What if I'd worn a seatbelt?" "What if, what if, what if..." "His secretary finally got what she wanted and could go where she liked." "And about Vìra?" "Some things simply repeat over and over." "Money was always the most important thing to her." "Dr. Èepek's wife left him." "And Tereza found happiness with someone else." "And not just because grandma gave Pavel one of the apartment houses." "They eventually "split" in a good, safe way." "Overtime is a wonderful thing and I started really enjoying it." "I even stopped eating rabbit, at least fricasseed." "Grandma bought back Herbert von Waldstein's tomb, and removed all doubt about our secret grandfather:" "We are, indeed, descended from nobility." "We Muks." "OVER AND OVER" "Translated by John Brent"