"How is being a lesbian in Mississippi different from what you see on TV?" "Oh, my god." "When I was watching the I word-- I think it's in Los Angeles" "They're out in public just making out, showing p.D.A., and it's not like that here." "And it's not like that here." "It's not California and cool coffee shops." "Yeah!" "It's not cool to go out and be..." "Gay." "Living here, it has been beat into you homosexuality is terrible." "I've never walked into Walmart holding my girlfriend's hand." "Mississippi is always gonna be the last state to catch on to anything." "A big problem is the churches." "You're always taught that you do what your mama says, your daddy says, and your preacher says." "Your daddy says, and your preacher says." "They say they love homosexuals, but they don't accept us as we are." "Homosexuals are deranged." "Their mind is not functioning properly." "Not only is the word spread in the church, the word is reinforced by hell and damnation if you don't follow." "I don't want to come across as to say, "god hates faggots,"" "or, "you're going to hell."" "Or, "you're going to hell."" "But everyone's gonna be judged, and they will be cast down." "Do you know what happens to people who do not repent?" "Do you know where they will spend eternity if they do not believe the gospel?" "We're going to the fair." " Ooh, it's full." " It's not bad." "Everybody spending their rent money in here." "It's not bad." "It's not too bad." "I've seen it worse." "Hoo." "Hoo." "So this hand holding thing ain't happening." " You're not gonna hold my hand?" " No." "How far apart are you gonna walk away from me?" " At least 6 inches." " Whatever." "So I guess a kiss is out of the question." " Ready?" " As I'll ever be." "As I will ever be." "Let's go to the fair, chica." "Oh, they have deep fried moon pies." "God, we're in the south." "You ever get the feeling everybody's watching you?" "The south Mississippi fair, which is the" "A really big deal in this area, there's nothing else to do in this part of the country, and everybody shows up." "It's great." "You've never had a fried snicker bar?" " Never." " You have to have a fried oreo." "Good lord." "I want you to win me a Teddy bear." "When I met Susan, I started having these feelings for her." "These feelings for her." "And I said, "I'm completely and totally in love with you, and I'm crazy about you," and she went, "hell, no."" "She raised up off the couch." "She said, "hell, no." And I was like, "really?"" " Do it." " Did I get one?" "No, you crazy?" "I told her "hell, no"" "because she was my pastor, she was married" "That's enough." "She said, "you're pastor brandiilyne, and you have this great little life, and I will not let you ruin your life."" "And I will not let you ruin your life."" " Yep." " And I was like, "hell, no"?" "She missed the "ruin your life" part." "Yeah." "That comes later." " Oh, Susan." " I know." "When I met Susan, I had been married for eight years, but my husband-- He and I had not had any type of sexual relations for over six years." " Oh, Yay!" " Oh, got one!" "I got a pink monkey." " Thank you." " Got a pink monkey." "I started my ministry called dying to live." "I started my ministry called dying to live." "It was for drug addicts and alcoholics." "Through teachings of Christ," "I helped a lot of people through their addictions." "You are blessed, you are anointed, and there are great things inside of you, and god wants to break you out into the light." "Don't be afraid." "I had a really high success rate." "People really just got it." "And in this city, I had a pretty amazing reputation." "I worked with the mayor." "I worked with all the judges." "I worked with the sheriff's department, the police department." "I set up all this network for that church." "But that was my life before I met Susan but that was my life before I met Susan and realized I was gay." "Pina colada in a pineapple cup, there it is." "The two people that are running the ministry now were the closest to me, and I told them." "I was honest with them, and I told 'em about Susan because I trusted 'em." "And they went and told the pastor, and then the next week, he told the congregation that I had left my husband for a woman." "That I had left my husband for a woman." "And he just outed me." "I didn't get to tell my family." "I didn't get to tell anybody." "They outed me to the whole community." "Oh, my god." "Well, we were gonna go down here, but I'm not sure we're gonna do that because they're all standing outside." " The church." " Gotcha." "When I came out and Susan and I got together, I lost everything." "And Susan and I got together, I lost everything." "I lost my ministry and my reputation and my job and my marriage." "Lost a lot of friends." "Lost a lot of friends." "He's in the purple shirt." "That's them right there in front of that tent right there." "Yeah, I ain't going down there." "Her husband filed a lawsuit against me for alienation of affection." "Mmhmm." "Mississippi's one of the four states that allows that." "What that means is she enticed me away from him." "What that means is she enticed me away from him." "So we went to court, and the judge said," ""I'm issuing a joint restraining order." "You stay away from her, and you stay away from him."" "If he'd won the lawsuit, what would that mean?" "That I'd probably owe him money for the rest of my life." "I'm shaking." " Why?" " I'm just shaking." "They can't--they can't throw nothing this far." "Well, I'm not worried about that." "I mean, I just, you know" "It's my ministry that I built it from nothing, and I can't be a part of it because I'm gay." "And I can't be a part of it because I'm gay." "I went through the hardest times of their lives with them, and they just, you know, just--i don't know." "I just--i can't stand this." "I just miss ministry." "Yeah." "I miss looking at someone and helping them find that hope." "It's what I do, that's who I am, and I can't fight it anymore." "It doesn't matter if the church accepts me or not." "I have to do what god wants me to do." "I really struggled with my homosexuality" "I really struggled with my homosexuality because the church treats it as if it's the unpardonable sin, and a lot of people wrestle with that." "So I want to do something to help people that were like me." "It's gonna be okay." " Okay?" " Yeah." "All right, come on." "Oh, shit." "It got down in between them boys." "It got down in between them boys." " It's in my shirt." " Mm-mm." "I see one fall right there." "I feel it right here." "Look, look, magic." "According to my past, would've been living a homosexual lifestyle." "I now see that the devil planted homosexuality in me." "Homosexuality is wrong, and that's from god's word." "Come on." "I really felt that I was born a boy." "When I would go to the restroom," "I would try to stand up and use the restroom." "I wanted to be a man so bad that I would have a strap-on in my boxers and walk around all day." "I mean, that's how bad I was." "I was always attracted to older women." "I've had four major relationships." "I've had four major relationships." "I just completely turned my back on god." "That's when I started feeling the guilt, but I would push it away." "And then it was like god was whispering in my ear, and he says, "this is your last chance." "I'm knocking." "Let me in."" "So one Sunday, I went to church with my sister." "As soon as I walked into that place," "I could honestly say that I felt the holy spirit." "Welcome." "Blessings to you." "Welcome." "Blessings to you." "That's when I got up, and I rededicated my life." "And I said, "god, I surrender." "I can't fight this fight anymore, this homosexuality." "I can't." "I just--i need you."" "If you're a guest tonight, this moment is for you." "We're glad to have you with us tonight." "Come on and give him praise right now." " Worthy is the lord!" " Yes!" "Thank you, lord, for pulling me out of sin." "Thank you, lord, for pulling me out of sin." " All day long." " Great is the lord." "Whoo!" "And I got saved." "It's been a year that I've changed my life for god, and I discovered that god had a bigger plan for me." "I'm gonna help lead a thousand souls to the altar of Christ." "I'm going on a boat ride with Anita, and I want y'all to help me pick out which outfit y'all think looks good on me." "I think you need to try on a shirt or something." "God is transforming me from inside out." "I have tried on girl clothes in the past," "I have tried on girl clothes in the past, but I felt uncomfortable." "I have a whole bunch of Women's clothes now." "I even got panties." "Whoo, I look good!" "I like this." "Oh, that's pretty." "Ooh, I like it." " Looks good." " Y'all like that?" "Tuck it up a little bit." "I think it is a sin for a woman to try to make herself look like a man." "Here, try these earrings with it." "I see Rene changing a little bit at a time." "I think she will be a better person and will not be in hell if she continues to straighten her life up." "Ooh-whee, I don't know about that one." "Ooh-whee, I don't know about that one." "That definitely don't look like me." "That's kind of grandma-y." "Even if I was gay," "I wouldn't be attracted to a woman wearing that shirt." "Well, are you attracted to Anita?" "Do you have feelings for Anita still by any chance?" "No, I have feelings for Anita because" "Not a homosexual way." "There's no questions about it." "So it's a friendship." "It's a friendship." "Anita was someone who was a very big part of my life, you know?" "She's one of my best friends." "We met when we was, like, 12 years old." "We met when we was, like, 12 years old." "I always had this very, very strong attraction to her, but now I don't get no feelings." "She'll come over and get in the bed with me, and we'll lay there and watch movies." "And, you know, that's how I know I'm a changed person." "As you go, it will get better." " You think?" " Yes." "You'll get used to the girly things." " I really like this." " Oh, that's pretty." "Oh, that looks really good." "I would love to be able to find a person for Rene to fall in love with." "A man could give Rene the real love that she deserves." "A man could give Rene the real love that she deserves." "You look like us." "What's the matter?" "Okay, y'all ready?" "This is me." "I'm going out on a boat." "Do you think that after living 47, 46 years of my life as a homosexual that I wanted to give that up?" "I wanted to live that life because that was my life." "And I think that's why I'm having such a hard time now because it is such a life that I'm so used to because it is such a life that I'm so used to that I don't know how to act in this--in this world." "Because I give it up for god." "It takes time, time to get past it no matter what." "Decorating for Halloween." "Get you some shoes on your feet." "You're sick." "This is called a hardheaded kid." " I'm not hardheaded." " Yeah, you are." " I'm not hardheaded." " Yeah, you are." "No, I'm not." "There's poor little Sebastian." "Say hey, Sebastian." "Nother hardheaded kid." "He loves his mommy, don't he?" "He loves his mommy, don't he?" "Shake." "Sh--oh, good boy." "Good boy." "I'm not gonna cook if you're eating barbecue chips." "Well, put a little pep in your step." "She's finally cooking a meal." "We never get to eat around here." "Freakin' lie." " Bath time." " No." " Bath time." " No." "Yes." "This is what we deal with every day." "Come on." "Get up." "Are you ready to get a bath?" " No." " Right." "This is the life." "Work, come home, schoolwork." "First thing she ever told me, "I have two kids."" "So I knew right then it was a package deal." "Michael and Madison have different fathers." "I was with Michael's father for seven years." "Young love, you know." "Madison's dad and I got together after Michael's father and I split up, and it didn't last very long." "And it didn't last very long." "But, um, yeah.." "Madison, how do you feel about mommy and cam?" " Good." " Why do you feel good?" " Because." " Because why?" " I love her." " You don't love me?" " No." " That's so bad." "You only love me when you sick, and that's a shame." "You was hollering for cam-cam yesterday." "Oh, yeah." "Forgot about that." "Yeah, you forgot, huh?" "You forgot who takes care of you, huh?" "Yeah!" "To me, in my mind, that's my boy, that's my girl." "I'm attached to them." "I'm attached to them." "I made 'em." "I'm doing what many men don't do." "I support my family, and we support each other." "Sweetie, how do you feel about mommy and cam getting married?" " Good." " Good?" " Mm-hmm." " Would that be okay with you?" " No." " No." "Make your mind up." "It will be for me." "Gay marriage is still not legal in Mississippi, but Amber and I have decided to get married, and we set a date." "You've been here for four years." "That's a long time." "We met at a club." "We met at a club." "I saw cam, and I told my friend girl that I was with," "I said, "oh, my god." "I got to have her." "She is so, so cute."" "Being the player that I was back in the day," "I said, "I'll take both of you," you know?" "They was both hot." "But I'm glad I got her, not her friend." " Wow." " I'm just saying." "Cam is my first female relationship." "I had other encounters with females, but it was just playing around, basically." "I have dated outside my race before cam, and so has she." "I have dated outside my race before cam, and so has she." "You get stares in the south already, even when you're with a guy" "A girl and a guy, black guy, white girl" "But when cam and I go out, little kids just gawk." "They'll stop in their tracks and just" "At cam." "All right, come on." "Come brush your teeth." "You ready to just get in bed and say your prayers, wild child?" "Now I lay me down to sleep." "I pray the lord my soul to keep." "God bless." "Now I lay me down to sleep." "I pray the lord my soul to keep." "I pray the lord my soul to keep." "If I die before" "Father god, please lead us down the correct path." "Change us, but make us better." "The Bible tells me that I'm going to hell for being a lesbian, so I repent daily." "I ask god for forgiveness, change my ways." "In Jesus' name I pray." "Amen." "Amen." "We gay, babe." "Get over it." "I wonder if god will be okay with me and Amber getting married." "I don't want to die a lesbian." "I don't want to die a lesbian." "I want to be a better person." "I know the struggle, especially here in the Bible belt, that people go through because of religion and because of the church." "You're told you're not saved because you're homosexual and you're going to hell." "And then they say, "we love you."" "It's disheartening when you're sitting there, and the pastor is talking about things." "And the pastor is talking about things." ""People I just don't understand,"" "and then he looks at you." "And you know what he's talking about, and it's embarrassing, and it's humiliating, and it's" "Um..." "I won't ever go through that again." "I do believe that people can change their homosexual lifestyle, their homosexual tendencies." "People can be freed from the slavery of sin." "Pray the gay away." "We pray for you." "Gay goes away." "You know god can heal you." "Gay goes away." "You know god can heal you." "I've tried to pray away the gay." "I prayed and asked for forgiveness all the time." "I was like, "I'm sorry, and I got to not be this way." "You got to take it away."" "I was set down in the middle of my living room by my mom and dad and handed a Bible and stood over and" ""read this verse, and what does it mean?" "And, "read this verse, and what does it mean?"" "This was wrong." "This was not natural." "Now that I'm saved and I'm reading the word and I'm learning that homosexuality is wrong, and I'm learning that homosexuality is wrong, my eyes have been opened to know exactly how the devil planted everything along the way." "If you pray hard enough to god and you pray long enough, god will take homosexuality away." "And if it doesn't happen, then kids kill themselves." "You cannot turn away from some sins and keep other sins." "You must turn away from all sin." "You must turn away from all sin." "Here in Mississippi, some of the churches had gotten together, and they were having a conference called the coming out conference." "It promoted pray the gay away." "Whoo!" "We held a protest on the road to the church just to make sure that if somebody was bringing their ten-year-old child or somebody was bringing their teenager who was having issues with their sexuality, that they would know that they're loved" "and that there's nothing wrong with you." "We wanted to hold this conference we wanted to hold this conference to help us as christians, to help us as the church to respond to the advancement of the agenda of the lgbt community and how to respond to it in a way" "that is faithful to our creator." "Tonight, we are giving some 14-year-old, some 18-year-old, and 20-year-old and 40-year-old hope." "For those who may be here from the lgbt community, for those who may be here from the lgbt community, we want you to understand our position." "To give you some idea of where we're coming from as the church, there are myriad problems that arise from the homosexual lifestyle just as there are myriad problems that arise from bestiality or from any other form of sexual perversion." "If you're gay, they immediately start naming perversions." "They'll say, "what's the difference in being gay and being into bestiality?"" "And being into bestiality?"" "Or being in--i mean, you would be shocked at the things that people will bring to the table if you say you're gay." "They automatically-- If you're gay, you're a pervert." "So I haven't talked to my mom and my dad in three years." "My mom made a comment on that lakeside baptist Facebook page about how appreciative she was for trying to lead the sinners away from the darkness and how many people have overcome the sickness have overcome the sickness and--of same-sex attraction." "So if she did stop by, since I haven't talked to her in three years," "I thought maybe I would say, "hi, mom."" "Awesome." "I was taught that you could be delivered from drug addiction." "You could be delivered from homosexuality." "Prayer will take care of anything." "I was a part of that when I ran dying to live ministries at Christ's church." "Dying to live, it's a very deep name." "You put to death your desires, whether it be homosexuality or addiction." "Whether it be homosexuality or addiction." "You kill those things so that you can live a godly life." "I've performed several weddings with lesbians and married them to a man, you know, because I was trying to do the right thing according to scripture." "I honestly believed that I was saving them from hell." " Did it work?" " No." "How did it affect the people that you" "Oh, my god." "They're still using drugs because they couldn't deal with their sexuality and being in a straight relationship." "I want you to go away from here understanding" "I want you to go away from here understanding that we do not hate the lgbt community." "We love them enough to speak the truth and to speak it in love." "So pray that these purposes are accomplished." "I've seen the damage that it causes." "I've been a part of it, so I don't want to see anybody else go through that." "We want to change the way" "Mississippi looks at our community and the way that we're treated and some laws, and we want to do some serious work." "And we want to do some serious work." " How are you doing?" " Hey." "I heard you were under the weather." "Yes, but I'm doing well." " I'm glad." " I'm doing well." "We would like to apply for a marriage license today." "Well, you know that I can't do that." "Lb and I are very involved in lgbt actions and protests throughout the state of Mississippi." "Mississippi is behind the rest of the country when it comes to gay rights." "This would take an act of the legislature to change." "This would take an act of the legislature to change." " Yeah." " Thank you very much." "I will." "You want to call 'em up?" "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty." "They're all talking back." "Here they come." "Here she comes." "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty." "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty." "Look at 'em." "When it comes to our household," "I take on the more traditional wife duties." "Lb tends to take on more of the traditional male duties, and of course, brings home the paycheck." "Any pain with that in here?" " It feels tight." " Tight, okay." "I am a physician." "The vast majority of my new patients automatically assume that I'm male." "I'm transitioning from female to male." "Transitioning has involved breast reduction transitioning has involved breast reduction and hormone therapy." " Was this his..." " Not sleeping." " Grandmother?" " Yes." "Okay." "My colleagues, my partners of my clinic are aware I'm transitioning, and I've requested that the executive committee actually make a nondiscrimination policy for gender identity and sexual orientation, but that hasn't happened yet." "In Mississippi, transitioning is not really talked about, and anything that you do hear about it is negative." "We are officially married in the state of Connecticut we are officially married in the state of Connecticut and, of course, other states that recognize our marriage." "And apparently the federal government now." "But Mississippi does not recognize our marriage." "Well, lb told me she was transitioning after we got married." "I was really mad." "I felt really betrayed." "And then when she very first told me she wanted to do top surgery, I was like, "no, don't do that."" "But it caused lb more harm to have breasts than to not have breasts to have breasts than to not have breasts because lb identifies as male, not female." "My appearance is changing, and it's gonna continue to change over time, but the reality is that what you feel on the inside is your truth." "I got to go pick turnip Greens." " Ready?" " Mm-hmm." "We've been working on masculine pronouns." "So now I'm saying some "his" and some "he" and "him."" "I still mess up, though." "I still think of myself as a lesbian, so it's hard to imagine myself with a man." "So it's hard to imagine myself with a man." "To--onions?" "No." "I got those ones you picked the other day." "I've fought all my life to become okay with being a lesbian, but now it's like the role is reversed, and I'm having to talk to myself and say," ""okay, I'm gonna be straight," you know?" "You're gonna have to do the process all over again, but backwards." "Right now I'm probably only 1/3 of the way through that process." "I'm gonna make fried eggs." " Awesome, sounds great." " Over medium?" " Awesome, sounds great." " Over medium?" " Over medium." " All right." "That was sort of a weird day that day, even though you expected the denial." " Yeah." " It was still hard to take." "Especially from a friend." "I wonder how she felt, actually, to have to tell her friend and her neighbor that you're not good enough." "And I've done this for 16 years, and you're the first people I've ever denied." "It may seem, since the supreme court's decision on doma, that the battle is won, but that is not true in south Mississippi." "But that is not true in south Mississippi." "Sara is my wife." "We made a commitment in our hearts and on paper, but if tomorrow something happened to her," "I would not be the next of kin called because our marriage is not recognized in the state of Mississippi." "It's amazing how you can be a full citizen in one zip code and a second class in another." "Yeah." "Mmm, delicious." "We both knew we wanted children." "We finally decided on i.V.F." "I'm currently seven weeks pregnant, so we're really super excited." "Yeah." "Mississippi has the highest percentage of same-sex couples raising children together." "I think that the reason why is because of the pressure to conform to traditional marriage." "Lb." "And I think they get married, they have kids, and then they can't live that life." "And then they can't live that life." "And they end up raising children with a same-sex partner." " Did you see this?" " Oh, nice." " That's cute." " I got that." "I thought it was really cute." "My family" "I have not spoken to them in three years almost." "I grew up in a very religious household." "My dad was an ordained Southern baptist minister, and I have to say my mom's probably more religious than my dad is." "She basically just has said that she would never accept me." "She basically just has said that she would never accept me." "My mom has discovered I'm pregnant, but I don't know how she knows that." "They think we'll molest our children or who knows what." "If something did happen to me and we didn't have the correct legal backing," "I have no doubt in my mind that my mom would try to take the baby and would never let lb see the child again." "I know you're scared, but I am too." "I think we should enjoy the moment." "Okay, I love you." "Okay, I love you." "I love you too." " Jana." " No." "How hungover are you right now?" "Just a little bit." " Jana." " What?" "Can you acknowledge the fact that today's our 11-month anniversary?" "Shut your mouth!" "Hey, babe." "Hey." "I met jana through some mutual friends," "I met jana through some mutual friends, and then we started working together." "We worked together at the restaurant here in hattiesburg." "Then jana and I started hanging out." "I started to like her." "I kissed her first." "I had never dated a girl before or even thought about it." "Let me trim it." "Will you cut my bangs a little?" "But I don't want you to cut my hair, hair." "Just my bangs." "I used to worry a lot that she was just experimenting." "Thank you." "Want me to do yours?" "But we've been together for a year, and that speaks volumes for me." "And that speaks volumes for me." "God gave you the prettiest, biggest brown eyes." "When it comes to being with jana," "I never, like, tested the waters." "It was just, I just jumped right in, cannonball." "The very first time I was with jana," "I had a full-blown orgasm." "And I was screaming." "I was quivering." "I didn't know what to do with myself." "I was embarrassed afterwards." "I was like, "oh, I'm so sorry,"" "like, "I did not mean to make a mess in your bed,"" "but then I was ready for the next time." "I was like, "I'm all in."" "Kasen, where we going?" "Kasen, where we going?" " Halloween!" " Did he say Halloween?" "Yeah, he did." "Kasen's my son, and he's three." "I wasn't married to his father." " Are you excited?" " Mm-hmm." "He calls me jana." "I don't want to confuse him about anything because he's got a mom." "She does a great job." "He's got a dad who takes really good care of him." "One, two, three, cheese." "Sometimes he'll say, "I have two mommies,"" "but we don't prompt him to do that." "He does it all on his own." "Kasen, do you want to help mommy cook French toast?" " Yeah, on my stool." " On your stool." " Yeah, on my stool." " On your stool." "I went and got it for you, so you can help us." "So do you want her to come over today?" "If you want her over, honey, I want her over." "Last time mama was over here" "She told me that she hated me and I was never gonna be anything in life and you were better than me." "I told her, "you need to be respectful while you're here and know that you're in our home now, so you can't speak to her the way that you would at your house." Right." "Today we're having my mother over for brunch, and it's kind of a big deal, because when I told my mom that I was a lesbian, she flipped." "That I was a lesbian, she flipped." "She was like, "you're just going through a phase." "You're not a carpet mun--" like, just said all these foul things." "It is my mother, and I'd like to invite her over whenever I'd like, but I don't want jana to feel like she needs to walk on eggshells in her own home." "Hey, where's that stinking baby?" "Mom-mom's here." "Look who's here." " How you doing, my baby?" " Hey." "What are you doing today?" "Oh, you know me, my 100 million things." "What are y'all doing?" "We're cooking you breakfast." "Anyway, tell me-- I want to talk anyway, tell me-- I want to talk about what you're planning on putting in here on these blank walls." "Family pictures, mom." "We don't have any family pictures of me and you and Kasen." "Oh, my gosh." "We're gonna make some with me and jana and Kasen." "Oh." "It's uncomfortable for me to go to that house, but I absolutely love spending time with Kasen." "Two hands, and then you're gonna have to come back over here and get the other ones." " What is this one for?" " That's for him." "You're doing a good job." "I wish that I would've waited to tell my mother." "My mom used to be my best friend, my mom used to be my best friend, but now she only wants to see Kasen." "Go put that in your spot." "With dannika being lesbian, it's divided our family." "I don't want my other children raised with homosexuality in our home." "God will judge us all." "It's hot in Mississippi." "Hell is a hundred times hotter than that." "Sit up real quick." "Hurry up, let's bless it, so you can eat." " Our daily bread." " Our daily bread." " Our daily bread." " Our daily bread." "Amen." " Thank you, Jesus." " Good job, k." "Awesome." "You know that I'm getting baptized." " Right?" " Right." "I met with the church on Thursday." "He got to know me, he asked me a bunch of questions about my life." "And then they're like, "tell me one thing that if I found out about you, I'd be surprised about."" "And I was like, "well, I've been dating a girl for the past year."" "And he said, "well, we're not gonna baptize you,"" "because it would look like they support homosexuality," ""and we're gonna pray that you find the truth."" "And I said, "I don't feel like god's gonna punish me for loving another person."" "For loving another person."" "When all of this first started you said to me," ""there's tons of lesbians." "They're all approaching me."" "And I'm like, "dannika, you better not."" "I didn't say they're all approaching me." "I said there's one that likes me." "Okay, and wait, I said, "you better not." "Don't meddle in that stuff."" ""Mom, I am not a lesbian."" "How are you gonna feel when dannika snaps out of whatever cloud she's been living in, like this is just something that she's just experimenting?" "See, I think that you think that we have this recruiting system, and we just tried to recruit dannika over." "And we just tried to recruit dannika over." "The truth of the matter is she pursued the relationship with me." "I wasn't hounding after her, and she just broke down." "She made the first move." "Her choices-- They're devastating to me." "In south Mississippi, there's tons of poisonous snakes." "Am I gonna put 'em in a bed of snakes and let 'em play?" "Never." "I have been really, really upset thinking about your m-- Your parents, and I think about your mom's broken heart is gonna be just like mine." "What have you said to your mom?" "It's not something we discuss." "I haven't told my mom that I'm gay yet" "I haven't told my mom that I'm gay yet because, I suppose, of fear." "With my strict Christian background," "I know that she believes that it's a sin." "You have been good to dannika, and I know that I haven't always been fair to you and said very nice things to you." "I would like to apologize to you for anything that I've said hateful, but you would be perfect for her best friend, and this is what I was hoping for was that you will be there for dannika for her wedding," "and she would be there for her wedding, and you guys would have children together as best friends." "Like I said" "Like I said" "After this, we can't go back to being best friends, though." "Why couldn't you, though?" "If I saw her with another person," "I would be so--lord" "Honest to god, flip a switch or if I could change it," "I'd do it 'cause it's such an easier lifestyle." "I struggled and struggled and struggled with it." "I can't tell you the nights I prayed and cried." ""Take it away." "Like, take it away." "God, take it away."" "But we can turn away from it." "Do you think child molesters choose to be child molesters?" "I just think it's absurd, the comparison." "There's something wrong with a child molester, but there's nothing wrong with but there's nothing wrong with us having a pure, honest love." "If I'm not asking you to be PRO gay or come into a place that you don't agree with or are uncomfortable with." "All I wanted for you to do was to know me as a person." "But you know what?" "Will I ever accept it?" "Absolutely not." "My mom always taught us to never put down another person." "So whenever she puts me down for the way that I love, it makes me super upset." "Jana's support is enough that I don't, you know, like" "Jana's support is enough that I don't, you know, like" "I don't need their support because I have hers." "Here in the south, there's racism." "There's all sorts of bigotry." "I've experienced things like people throwing beer bottles at you, people calling you faggot, dyke, nigger faggot." "As long as they stay over there and mind their own business, that's fine." "But don't come over here messing with my business." " Get on, go." " And why is it a sore subject?" "What'd I tell you?" "I told you to move." "It'd probably just be best to go on, boo." "It'd probably just be best to go on, boo." "I offend men because I'm with someone who looks like this." "I'm a man of god." "I fear god, and it's not right." "This really clean-cut guy told me," ""you mean to tell me you're a fucking carpet muncher?"" "This is our community." "Why should we have to leave?" "The bigots can pack up and move." "I hope that one day that homosexuals will eventually have the same rights as everyone else." " Hey, baby." " Hey, babe." "What you doing?" "What you doing?" "Making you some coffee." "I'm getting ready to go and do the qa, the public forum." "Talking about the dandelion project and introducing it to our community." "The dandelion project's about reaching the lgbtq community that can't get into the church." "The name came from a dream that I had where god showed me the dandelion." "Ready?" "Give me a kiss." "We're trying to give a ray of hope to someone who's trying to pray away the gay." "If we can keep one person from harming themselves if we can keep one person from harming themselves or feeling less, then, you know, we've done our job." "Hopefully, fingers crossed, everything goes okay." " Hey, I'm lb." " Jennifer." "Nice to see you." "It's good to see you." "I'm so glad you're here." " Come on." " How you doing?" " Good, how are you?" " Good to see you." "All right, guys." "I want to welcome everybody." "And I want to thank everybody for coming out." "Introduce myself." "Most everybody knows me." "I'm brandiilyne dear." "The reason I called you here today is because I want to introduce the dandelion project." "Because I want to introduce the dandelion project." "We want to offer counseling." "We want to help people who are coming out without fear of rejection or condemnation, and this is a big one." "We want to stop bullying in the lgbt community." "It's so devastating and can push someone right over the edge to commit suicide." "I mean, one in three lgbt youths attempt or commit suicide." "And now I want to open the floor for questions." "I know, bb, that a lot of us have been hurt by the church in the past." "Hurt by the church in the past." "How would you say that the dandelion project would bring us together?" "A lot of people just don't understand that it's possible to be gay and be Christian." "I just want to get to a place where the Christian community and the lgbt community can just get along." "One of the more common criticisms you're gonna get is that you're gonna be trying to make 'em gay." "That's ignorance." "I want people to know we are not forces of darkness, and we just want to be a beacon of light for people, especially people that are stuck in a dark closet." "Especially people that are stuck in a dark closet." "Do you worry at all about your own personal safety starting something like this in this area?" "Yeah, I am." "I'm worried about who's gonna come out of the woodwork." "I'm a little more reckless than my partner." "She's the one that says," ""come here, now, you got to calm down." "We've got to--you know, we are in the south."" "And she's the one that keeps me kind of grounded." "What advice could you give myself or anybody to be prepared for the people you love and the people you care about turning their back on you?" " It is difficult." "I mean" " It is." " It is difficult." "I mean" " It is." "But you know, sometimes, you've just got to be true to you." "There's nothing that you can do to prepare yourself." "If they're gonna turn their back on you and they're gonna walk away, that's what's gonna happen." "I feel like you are doing a great thing for people that aren't able to talk to their families about it, and they don't have anybody, and they are living in fear, and they are turning to drugs and substances like that." "So I just want to say thank you so much." "Thank you, that's awesome." "You--i like you." " Is there contact information?" " Absolutely." "Have you ever met-- You met Susan." "Yeah, yeah, we met at the gym." " Thank you." " What's your name?" "My name is Sara bell." " With an "h"?" " No "h."" "This is dannika." " Hey." " Hi, how are you?" "Well, thanks, guys." "We enjoyed it." " Thank y'all for coming." " Oh, sorry." " Hey, I'm Sara." " Hey, Sara, I'm jana." "Do you ever want to, like, move away?" "I mean, we have talked about leaving, but for us," "I think it's become an issue of if we leave and we don't speak up, who's gonna stay here and speak up?" "Who's gonna stay if everybody leaves?" "Who's gonna stay if everybody leaves?" "Yeah, if everybody leaves" "To get to a better place, like, somebody's got to stay here." "Things will never change." "I'm expecting, you know, negative reactions, but that's not going to make me falter at all." "It actually determines me even more." "Hey." " Hey." " Hey, baby." " What you doing?" " What you doing?" " What you doing?" " What you doing?" "Crazy." "I own a gym in Laurel." "We don't make a killing." "We make a living." "Mm-hmm." "Now when are you gonna hit?" "Come on." " What are you saying?" " I'm saying you're a wuss." "When I came out and Susan and I got together, her gym almost closed." "It was so bad." "I probably lost 50 members, and when you only 150, that's a lot of people." "Those are preacher curls." "I'm might-- Maybe I should do those." "I'm might-- Maybe I should do those." "That's right." "Because her ex-boss stood in the pulpit and said to make sure you spend your money in line with god." "Be faithful to god." "Be faithful to god with your money, and you couldn't do that if you went to the gym." "Of course, he was a member too." "They blame you" "They blame me more than anything for her leaving the church." ""Susan, how could you destroy that ministry and destroy bb's life?"" "And people don't have" " The balls..." " That's the word." "To do it to your face, but they'll see you in Walmart the next week but they'll see you in Walmart the next week and ask you how your mama and 'em are." "Mm-hmm." "You know, the best hours of our lives are spent in this gym." "Yeah, that's true." "Push, mark." "Heh." "I'll get on the bike with you." "Okay, cool." "You know I totally support this project, right?" "Mm-hmm." "And I'll do anything you need me to do to make this work." "Mm-hmm." "This project is vital to saving lives." "This project is vital to saving lives." "But, you know, how are we gonna function?" "You've been worried about this, haven't you?" "Yes." "Well, why haven't you said something?" "Well, you were just so excited." "I mean, you still need to tell me these things." "I mean, I know the business is a fear." "Do you have any--are you afraid of anything else, or is that" "Well, no." "The more visible she gets, the more I'm concerned that there's gonna be some kind of repercussion." "I'm concerned with some guy trying to prove himself with her." "We got to think about what we're gonna do we got to think about what we're gonna do if this blows up in our face." "It scares me." "So how about Amy?" "Are y'all still getting along, or" "We get along." "She's, uh, she's just not been" "We get along." "She's, uh, she's just not been" "Hey, girl." " Hey." " Hey." "You need help there?" "No, I got it." "Them big ol' heels you got on." "I know." "How you doing?" "How you doing?" "I'm ready for a boat ride." "You're sitting in my seat." "Girl." "You gonna get cold?" "I'll give you my jacket." "You know that." " Yeah." " She'll be all right." "Tell her to put her big girl panties on." "Tell her to put her big girl panties on." "That's right." "Yee-haw!" "You got some new boots." "I like 'em." "They Women's?" "Uh, no." "Ohh." " You're such a hick." " I know it." "I met Rene when we were young." "She was always very tomboyish, so it was always to me like having a guy friend more than having a girlfriend." "So this is a big, huge, huge change." "It's been an adjustment." "I went from you being my best, like, guy friend" "I went from you being my best, like, guy friend to all of a sudden now I'm trying to see you as a peer and as a woman-to-woman." "I can't see myself being this girly girl." "You know how I reacted the first time you showed me the clothes." "I had an attitude." "They picked you out this?" "That's not you." " I do remember that." " "That is not you." "You're not gonna wear that, are you?"" "I liked the fact that you were all rough and tough." "The Bible belt in the south, it's an understood thing in the Christian faith that homosexuality is a sin." "In the Christian faith that homosexuality is a sin." "A lot of christians believe that you're gonna go to hell." "Having Rene being my best friend for so many years, it's been a true struggle since, you know, she was little." "14, I was down and out." "Very depressed." "I tried to commit suicide." "I had a lot of feelings that I was battling with" "My sexuality, the reason why I felt so much like a guy." "But yet I was developing breasts, but yet I was developing breasts, and I was too scared to go and talk to people about it because they're thinking that something's wrong with you or--just like my mother first thought," ""oh, you need to go talk to a psychiatrist."" "And so I was scared to death." "Anita has helped me, and she was just so gentle and so understanding." "You know, we just got through it." "It was a lot of struggle for her, you know, and it hurts my heart to me what she's going through still." "Yee-haw!" "I love her to death, but I have to watch myself" "I love her to death, but I have to watch myself with Anita because Satan will manipulate." "He will twist." "He's gonna throw all these thoughts and everything else in my head just to see if he can capture me and twist me and turn me around to go back and live the lifestyle that I did." "And I do want you to, you know, have your life right with god and all that kind of stuff." "Don't try to, like, be somebody you're not." "This is the lemon drop." " Thank you." " So how was brunch?" "I said, "how am I supposed to stop how I feel?"" "She said, "well, child molesters are the same thing." "They can't help"" " Wow." " Oh." "Oh, my gosh." "Oh, my gosh." "So when are you gonna tell your mother?" "I'm back and forth." "I feel like it'll be, of course, liberating, and even if she's pissed off," "I'll be able to breathe easier, and I'll be cooler." " No, you won't." " That's not true." "I don't want you to think that." "As soon as I told my mother," "I wanted to jump back in the closet as deep as I possibly could." "I felt worse." "My family put me through hell and then back whenever I had my first girlfriend." "They hired private investigators." "My phones were tapped." "I was followed." "She was followed." "I was followed." "She was followed." "I thought that my life would never change, but seeing how absolutely incredible they are now," "I mean, it makes me believe that anybody's family can do that." "That's one of the reasons I don't want to, though." "I do agree with you." "I agree with you on that." "When my parents found out, I was actually, like, sneaking out on the weekends and told 'em I was staying with a girl that I played with on my team, and I was really staying all weekend with her." "So they found out by calling the girl's parents that I told 'em I was staying with." "Of course, I just start bawling immediately, and I tell 'em." "Of course, I just start bawling immediately, and I tell 'em." "You know, "I've been with this girl." "I'm in love."" "And immediately they're like, "we're gonna drug test you because there's no way this is normal."" "Well, then they say, "we're taking you to the gynecologist 'cause you might have aids."" "And of course, nothing is wrong with me at all." "Crazy stuff." "My parents still pray, even though they know that" "They're like, "we pray that you'll meet some guy, it'll change your whole life, and you'll be with him."" "I think it's very Southern." "You have to be a strong person to go through what we went through." "If I didn't have my group of friends, my support system, I would've never made it through." "My support system, I would've never made it through." "There's no telling what I would've done." "Y'all make some motherfucking noise." "When cam and I go out to the gay club here in hattiesburg, it gives us a chance to connect with other lesbians." "Here in hattiesburg, they have nothing for the gay people to do." "Club xclusive is a place that people can be themselves, club xclusive is a place that people can be themselves, that's gay, and not have to worry about go" "Like, when they go to the straight clubs, being harassed or talked about." "Lesbians in Mississippi, your real family doesn't accept you for who you are." "You have your extended family." "There's plenty of gay families you can get into, but you have to find the right one that you connect with." "What are some of the other families?" "There's the royale family, Armani family, there's the royale family, Armani family, the Hilton family, diavonte family," "I'oreal family, the per2yons." "The list goes on and on." "They're everywhere." "I've been with the per2yon family for about two years now." "I love them." "I wouldn't join any other family." "Whoo!" "Throw them fees up." "Throw them fees up." "That's right." "That's right." "Do it for the family." "Do it for the family." " Per2yon." " Hey!" "When I came out, my mom, she didn't acknowledge me." "Whereas when I was in high school, you know, she was proud of me 'cause I was in a lot of pageants and all that, where as I got older, I, you know, cut my hair off." "She was just disgusted at me." "So it hurts not having her in my life." "It really hurts." "Middle fingers up." "My name is daja per2yon." "I am the mother of the per2yon family." "I am the mother of the per2yon family." "My name is Shawn." "I am the father of this family." "When you join the per2yon family, if you come in under me and Shawn, then you're a son or daughter." "If you come in under one of our children, then you're a grandchild." "What up, man?" "Hey, what up?" "When you join the per2yon family, per2yon is your last name." "So we give you the chance to choose your first name." "So we give you the chance to choose your first name." "I am Alicia brown, but my per2yon name is daja per2yon." "The 2 is for twice as strong." "My gay name..." " Thank you." " Would be Ralph Lauren per2yon." "All I wear is Ralph Lauren from head to toe." "Amber, she's the second white per2yon." "But majority of Mississippi gay families are African-Americans." "They sort of have a handful of whites, but we accept all." "We're all as a family." "We're all as a family." "I mean, it's-- It's gonna be a really" "You know what I don't like about Mississippi?" "Say like you go to Walmart, these people see you every time you come in Walmart." "They stare at you if you with your significant other." "When I went to Texas, man, you walk in Walmart, they be like, "hey."" " They not studying you." " Yeah." "I feel like we're singled out because we are gay, and we're only allowed to marry in certain states." "I think everybody should be able to get married to who they love." "Cam and I, we don't think we should wait until Mississippi legalizes gay marriage, so we wanted the commitment ceremony." "So we wanted the commitment ceremony." "If it's okay for a man and woman to love each other and marry each other, why it shouldn't be the same with a man and a man or a woman and a woman?" "I mean, love is love regardless." "But we all know it ain't right." "That's--you know?" "We all know it ain't right." "I don't know that." "But still you got to realize, no sin is greater than the other one." " Right." " So who can judge us?" " Nobody but him." " Yeah." "So yeah, and don't just single that out." "Who's to say Eve wasn't no Steve, huh?" "I wonder if god's gon' be okay" "I wonder if god's gon' be okay with me and Amber getting committed." "I know being a homosexual is an abomination." "I'm struggling with my homosexuality, and I pray about it." "Give me some answers." "Okay, so these are our little gender-reveal cupcakes, and they don't even know that we know the gender yet, so this is gonna be a big surprise for them." "We found out what the sex of the baby is because we had some genetic testing done." "You know, I feel very blessed because my parents you know, I feel very blessed because my parents have been very supportive." "We have a very good relationship now." "It's been gradual over the years." "Recently with my transition, when I discussed it with my mom and my sister and my dad, it took about three minutes." "And they were like, "okay."" "And how do they feel about it, Sara?" "Oh, they love her." "And you're gonna find out when you eat the cupcake if it's a boy or a girl." " Eat it." " Y'all ready?" "Ready, set, go!" "Ready, set, go!" "All right, how--oh, my god." " Eat it." " It's a boy." " It's a boy?" " Yep, it's a boy." "Now you'll definitely have somebody to help you out out there." "I've had a lot of time for dealing with fear and anxiety." "We've come a long way." "Yeah, I'ma be surrounded by boys." "Get used to it." "I love this baby, and I'm so happy that it's normal and that, you know, I've gotten this far, and that things look positive and everything." "And that things look positive and everything." "Now I've got these little outfits, which I fell in love with." "I'm feeling really nervous about this because I'll want to talk to our child about transgender people, that it's okay, and that it's normal and that type thing, but just not knowing when or how." "I don't know if I can get away with putting that on a little boy or not, especially with these little bows right here." "Are we gonna wait too long, and then he hates us 'cause we didn't tell him before?" "Are we gonna tell him too early, and then he doesn't even care?" "And then he doesn't even care?" "It just makes me nervous a little." "All right." "One, two, three." "All right, all right." "Watch 52 right there, 65, 9, 2, wha" "I got him." "I got him." " I got him." " Hut, hut, hut!" "Oh, primetime, really?" "So I've been talking to dannika and shams, and they think it's a really good idea and they think it's a really good idea for me to come out to mom." "Forget what they got to say." "How does that make you feel?" "On one hand, I really want to because it'll take away all that worry and stress and..." "Right." "Hiding and pretending." "But on the other hand, we are from a small, small town, and god forbid she doesn't get reelected." "My mama's been a judge for 12 years." "She's an elected official, so I'm afraid that people won't vote for her because of me." "My mom and my dad are the only people in my life my mom and my dad are the only people in my life that don't know that I'm gay." "I've always tried to make my parents proud." "I've done beauty pageants and gone to school, and I've been somewhat successful in my parents' eyes, and knowing the type of family that I come from that is very religious and believes that homosexuality is wrong." "Those type of things come into play as well." "I went through some of the same pressures when I dated my first white girl." " Right." " And I brought her home." "I didn't know what the hell to do, you know?" "Right, and I think having a biracial grandchild right, and I think having a biracial grandchild really opened her eyes up..." "I think so too." "To being more accepting of all people." " You're welcome." " So you paved the way?" " That's right." " Get out." "I'm a pioneer in this shit." "Get out of here." "Being in the south, your children are a reflection on you as a person, as a parent." "And people think that what has she done wrong?" "Because her daughter's gay." "I don't think she'll say, "that's it." "You're done." "You're going to hell."" "I mean, I don't think I'm going to hell." " Right." " What do you think?" " Right." " What do you think?" "If you go to hell, it's not gonna be because you a carpet licker or whatever you want to call it." "Don't, shut up." "It's gonna be because you's a drunk bitch, and you go out to the party and the clubs like," ""bitch, bitch--" no, I don't." "You're so full of it." "You are so full of it." "You're gonna have to come out at some point." "You can't just hold it in forever." "It's almost like being pregnant." "You know, you can keep it a secret for a little while, but at some point, people are gonna start noticing like, "hey, you got a little kangaroo pouch." "What's going on?"" "Shut up." "Shut up." "I'm just saying." "I want her to know." "I just haven't figured out the manner in which or the time period in which I want her to know." "Mm-hmm." "Can I talk to you for a second?" "I'm actually starting a project here in Laurel." "It's called the dandelion project, and we're building a community center to reach out to the lgbtq community." "You don't want any information?" "Okay, thank you." "Can I give you some information?" "Can I give you some information?" "Excuse me." "We're very open about the dandelion project, and it's very in the public eye." "So we worry about that." "But I think it's very important to do outreach in this area." "Can I give you some information?" "For the lgbt community" "We're reaching out to the gay community." "Yeah, well, they don't need help, but if they need counseling." "Are you part of a church or a ministry?" "Are you part of a church or a ministry?" "I used to be." "I was a pastor for 10 years, and when I came out," "I decided to help people that have suffered." "So what's your approach?" "To help them overcome it?" "To help them accept it." "I think scripture is absolutely clear." "Same-sex is an abomination." "What did Jesus Christ say about homosexuality?" "He said that men and women are to cleave to one another." "That has nothing to do with homosexuality." "But let's say I have an attraction but let's say I have an attraction to five-year-old little girls." "Now those two don't e-- They--there's no comparison." "How can you compare-- No, sir." " Let me make a comparison." " No, sir." " Can I finish?" " No, sir." "I can't finish the comparison." "Because you're trying to compare homosexuality and pedophilia." "There's no comparison, and I'm telling you something." "That is another thing that the church does that just irritates me to death." "It seems like you're an angry person inside." "Maybe." "Maybe a little." "Maybe a little because I've seen the harm that's been done." "I hope you can overcome that." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye." "And you are coming to that Women's conference." "We had so much fun at that conference last year." " We did." " Yes." "It was so spiritual." "It was like we came back so refreshed in the lord, and why would you not want to go?" "Heavenly father, we thank you for this food." "Let it nourish our bodies." "We thank you for this time together." " Amen." " Amen." "Amen." "So I went for a boat ride." "So I went for a boat ride." "Who all went on the boat with y'all?" "Just me and my cousin." "Oh, Anita didn't go?" "Yeah, Anita went." "Okay." "We've come a long way." "I think you've stayed the course." "I don't have those temptations anymore." "Now, has Satan ever put a thought into my head when looking at a woman?" "Of course." "He knows the tools to use against this." "But what's our words?" "Get thee behind me, Satan." "Get thee behind me, Satan." "I am covered and protected in the blood of Jesus Christ." "'Cause as soon as I say that, it flees from me." "Right, and I think you're totally headed in the right direction." "It's good to be around my Christian friends." "My friend Michelle, she is someone that just can lift you up when you're feeling down." "If you don't mind me asking, how did Devin's coming home" "How'd that come about?" "He called me up and he said, "I want to come home."" "My son is in college, and he's moving back home soon." "My son is in college, and he's moving back home soon." "I'm truly blessed." "He gave me that." "Me and my ex, which was my very first girlfriend, there was a period where I split up with her, and then I thought, "well, maybe I should go ahead and sleep with a guy and try to live that lifestyle" "just to see if it is me."" "And I did one time, and one time is all it took." "I said, "okay, god." ""Just please, please, please don't let me have a redheaded son,"" "don't let me have a redheaded son,"" "'cause his dad's redheaded." "He come out fire engine redhead." "Bless his heart." "Bless his little heart." "I have got the goosebumps, the god bumps, whatever you want to call 'em." "You have been praying this." "That's god putting him in the direct path for you to work on him." "You know what I mean?" "Where he can see for his self the change that has happened for you." "How do you feel about it?" "I feel good, I mean, I don't want to be pushy," "I feel good, I mean, I don't want to be pushy, you know, or too forward with it, you know." "I know that I want to invite him to church." "Family would always say, "Rene, I'm telling you, he's gonna turn out gay if you leave him in that lifestyle."" "I was dressing him up and trying to teach him all the rough things." "I wanted him to do sports, but he got into cheerleading." "When Devin was 15 years old, he told me that he needed to talk with me." "And he says, "mom," he says, "I'm gay."" "And he says, "mom," he says, "I'm gay."" "It was very heartbreaking." "You know, I believe in the Bible." "If he doesn't change, he's doomed for hell, and I blame myself." "I got a gift from Jesus Christ, my son Devin." "I think I'm a big part of the reason he's gay, but god can deliver him just like he delivered me." "You've been saying that you know that god is going you've been saying that you know that god is going to bring about change in his life." "It's just gonna be in his time." "Right." "It's gonna be frustrating, you know what I'm saying?" "'Cause you don't approve of his lifestyle." "But you're his mom, and you still love him." "God doesn't hate anybody." "God loves everybody." "He hates the sin, loves the sinner." "Yep, well, I think we need to say a prayer for Devin and his mission of coming home." "Father, we pray that father, we pray that you relieve him of his addiction, of his homosexuality." " Amen." " Amen." "Do you know what happens to people who do not repent?" "Where are they gonna go?" "Isn't that right?" "Isn't that true?" "What are your thoughts about homosexuality in Mississippi?" "Well, I'm a minister, so my thoughts may not be in line with a lot of other people, but what's the difference?" "Homosexuality, murder, homosexuality, murder, you know, to me, it's all sin." "I'm not necessarily sure that you can blame most of the preachers because that's the way they were taught." "It's just--it's like it's a cycle of intolerance." "I don't believe I'll go to hell because I'm gay." "I would hate to live my life and try to love a male because that's what I'm supposed to do, living a lie every day." "Is that what god really wanted for people?" "The way that I felt in church was always that feeling in your stomach that something is about to happen, in your stomach that something is about to happen, that impending doom." "I was never calm." "I was never safe." "Just on edge and scared, shamed, guilt-ridden, and that is nothing that I want to bring to my family." "I believe in god." "I'm a minister." "I'm a Christian." "And it's sad that I have no desire to be a part of organized religion, period." "To be a lesbian, you know, I gave up the church." "I gave up my family, but I don't regret any of that but I don't regret any of that because if they can't accept someone for being a lesbian," "I'd rather them just not accept me anyway." "I want a church as a family where we can be ourselves, our kids can, you know, interact with other kids that's a part of other gay families." "Everybody stand up, please." "Are we gonna turn the lights off?" "Three, two, one." "Surprise!" "Hello, everyone." "How are you?" "You look nice." "Do you know who this is?" " Anita." " Yeah." "My son is back home." "I'm happy, and I'm joyous about that." "And I'm hoping and praying that he sees the change in me." "How many are on there?" "How many are on there?" " 19." " Uh-uh!" "What is wrong with you?" "What did she try to do?" " She just poked it in the eye." " Oh." "I can't believe you messed up his eye." "Oh, my goodness." "I have been away at college in Ohio, and I'm just moving back to gulfport 'cause there's a great opportunity as an all-star cheerleading coach." "Now make a wish." "Whoo!" "Well, we all know he can blow." "Hey, y'all come here and start getting cake and ice cream." "Growing up with my mother living her gay lifestyle, she always believed in who she truly was." "It something that I looked up to all of my life, and I think that's why I had such an easy time coming out." "She used to be so strong-minded about the way she was, and if people didn't support her, she just kicked 'em to the curb." "And I think that she's finding a substitute for happiness." "And I think that she's finding a substitute for happiness." "I've gotten along with all of my mother's girlfriends." "Her last girlfriend was a major part of my life, but they weren't meant for each other." "Is there anything that you miss about being gay?" "I guess I would say that the thing that I miss the most is just the relationship that Jo and I had." "I miss that, just having that family, that unit." "You do not look" "Are you kidding me?" "Are you kidding me?" "I do not believe my mother is straight." "I think my mother's doing it to fill a void because her past relationship didn't work, but I think she's at a point in her life where this phase is just gonna be conveniently permanent." "It seems to me like she's given up on herself, and I think I'm just more afraid for her right now." "Mom, these last few years, you've been doing pretty good with these cakes." " You like that, huh?" " Yeah." "Do I not know my son?" "You sure do." "Next year, do wicked." "I've always been happy of who I am." "You know, I've never viewed it as a wrong choice." "You know, I've never viewed it as a wrong choice." "What song is it I always sing to you?" "Are you talking about you are my sunshine?" "Uh-huh." "I want to ask him if he'll go to church with me." "If he gets saved, if the holy spirit is dealing with him, he's gonna change." "Darius rucker." "Is that your raggedy Ann?" " Uh-huh." " What is all this?" " Uh-huh." " What is all this?" "This is apparently all my stuff from childhood that I just drove up today and found sitting out here with a card from my mom and dad that I haven't actually talked to in three years and, um..." "And have never given them my address, and we've never invited them to our house." "So it's a little bit..." "Freaky that all this stuff showed up." " Creepy." " Creepy." "It's like, "we know where you live."" " Mm-hmm." " "We're watching you."" " Mm-hmm." " I'm just glad they weren't" "I wasn't here when they came." "Yeah." "The packages contained a lot of my childhood belongings." "They gave me back all the things that, like, symbolize me in their house." "That bear was when I went through a hard time with my parents, a hard time with my parents, like, the first time in college." "And my dad bought me that bear and left it in my car." "Mm-hmm." "I guess my dad's given up on me too." " So..." " Mm." "Go." "Get on out." "I'm pretty upset with the encounter that she's had with her mother." "It's been made clear that Sara's mother it's been made clear that Sara's mother has nothing but a negative and dysfunctional relationship with her daughter." "She sent me a Facebook message saying that there was other things that she also wanted to come and drop off, and lb and I thought that this was probably not such a good idea for her to just keep showing up" "on our property anytime that she wanted to." "You know, we were just worried about, is she just gonna show up after the baby's born?" "Is she just gonna show up after the baby's born?" "She brings up in here that she would never take a child away from an adult with which he has bonded unless there was abuse or mistreat" "Or he was being mistreated." "Her definition of abuse is probably just having same-sex parents or one transgendered parent." "We've decided that we're gonna write a letter to my mom and that we'll treat any other violations as trespassing." "I don't trust her because I know that her feelings" "I don't trust her because I know that her feelings will never change, and I don't think that I should have to sacrifice who I am or my family in order to please my mother enough to be a part of her life." "A friend of mine texted me, and she said," ""did you see this post on Facebook that was on there 19 hours ago?"" "There was a newspaper article about the dandelion project, and there was negative reactions." "And now, a member of my former church is attacking me on Facebook, trying to discredit me." "On Facebook, trying to discredit me." "I'm gonna show it to you because I am so upset right now." "I'm just gonna show it to you." "It says, "this ministry has been slathered" ""in rainbows and controversy." ""Her word from god has been corrupted into something" ""that is totally against the ways" ""the Bible teaches us to live." ""It has been used to spew hate against people that don't agree" ""with certain lifestyles and agendas." ""So show the devil where he can go, and start working on love."" "And start working on love."" "So I'm pretty upset about what's going on." "Hello." "Hello?" ", first of all," "I think we need to talk about a couple of things." "Great." "So you attack me on Facebook publicly?" "I'm really honestly trying to save lives, and that is it." "I'm really honestly trying to save lives, and that is it." "I am reaching out to the lgbt community because the suicide rate is outrageous." "Okay, young people are killing themselves because of comments like this." "You're accusing me of corrupting something." "That is not the case." "I am truly acting in love," "I am truly acting in love, and you have no idea what I'm going through to get this ministry started." "I'm having to battle people like you." "I feel like I'm going through the same thing again." "All I want you to do is stop saying hurtful things." "To discredit me." "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "Right." "Right." "You go ahead and say what you're going to say because I'm gonna act in love, and I'm gonna--I'm gonna remain silent on the whole issue." "So you go ahead and continue to make your mark." "You're doing a great job." "Okay." "I appreciate it." "Okay, dear." "Bye-bye." "Bye." "Wow." "Wow." "Wow." "She was very hurtful with some of the things that she said, and that brought back all the hurt from a year and a half ago when I left the church." "Here on the left is Christ's church." "This was my church until my pastor outed me to the whole congregation." "And my ministry, dying to live, we got so big that we took the whole third floor." "We got so big that we took the whole third floor." "I started working with drug addicts because I understand what they're going through." "I was 11 when I started using drugs, and me and my best friend, we were kissing and doing the whole thing." "We put hickeys on each other's necks." "We got caught." "We were stopped from seeing one another, couldn't spend the night with one another anymore, and I started using drugs after that." "I totally repressed my sexuality completely, and I did it through drug use." "I had a lot of-- Lot of bad relationships." "I had a lot of-- Lot of bad relationships." "And when I was 15, I had my son." "My son's name is drew." "He's 22 years old." "He lives in Alabama now." "Drew's been through a lot because he was with me throughout my drug use." "He practically raised himself." "It was--it's a sad thing." "And I just--i started using crystal meth at about 24, and when I was 28, I had lost everything." "I was at this hotel because this is a place where drug addicts go." "I was with a man when I was here," "I was with a man when I was here, and he left and went home to his wife." "And the only way I could cope with physical contact with a man was to be high, so I stayed high all the time." "And I had no idea that that's what I was doing until I got saved and got married, and I had this sober relationship." "That's when I realized I've been gay my whole life, and that's where my--the root of my addiction came from." "And that's where my--the root of my addiction came from." "God started changing the way that I thought about things, and he started showing me a new grace and a new radical grace." "And he start showing me that he created people differently, and that's okay." "Guilt is like cancer." "When you feel guilty about something that you can't change, your very being is just dying." "God called me to the gay community." "I'm ready to do what I need to do to answer that call." "I'm ready to do what I need to do to answer that call." " Hello?" " Hey." " Hey." " It's dannika." "Is my mom there?" " Hello." " Is everything okay?" " Huh?" " I said was everything okay?" " Yes." " What's wrong?" "So you didn't want to come over" "Oh, you just wanted to play cards with them." "You didn't want to hang out with me?" "My mom was supposed to come over today, my mom was supposed to come over today, but then last minute, she canceled." "There was several excuses that she used." "She just didn't want to come over." "I don't understand what I need to do better." "Were you mad with-- Were you upset with jana?" "Right, and you can say that you're against it." "You don't have to say that you're okay with it and that you love that I'm a lesbian or anything." "You can say exactly how you feel." "It sucks that she, you know, has to feel this and go through it 'cause it's not fair, you know?" "This is what I was afraid of, her having to go through this part of it." "Doesn't it make you want to come out to your mom so you" "No." "Absolutely not." "Okay, love you." "Bye." "I would love if my mom and I could have a great relationship, but I don't have to have it." "She's so, like, back-and-forth, wishy-washy." "She's like first, "I just wanted to--"" "when she told me she wasn't coming, she's like," ""I need to rake my leaves." "I need to feed my dogs."" "And then just now when I called her, she's like," ""I wanted to play cards," and now she's sick." "So there's, like, six different excuses." "You know, I go through these moments where I'm like, you know, I go through these moments where I'm like," ""I'm ready." "I'm ready." "Let's do it." "I'm ready."" "And then I see this." "No, I don't--it make-- I don't want to come out." "Like, why do I want to deal with it?" "Like a need this thing to come out, but I'm afraid to tell my mom." "Obviously, when this program airs," "I will have to face that music." "I will have to have that conversation with her." "Listen, thank you for trying with your mom." "Like, it really does mean a lot to me." "I guess we'll just keep trying." "I guess we'll just keep trying." "We're heading to the wedding." "Wedding?" "It's not a wedding." "Well, damn it, it's damn near like one." "Commitment ceremony." "I'm ready to get married!" " You're ready to get married?" " You're ready to get married?" "What you mean?" "You are not getting married." "In about 30 more years." "This is redneck style." "Nanny, I need the rest of that Xanax." "Nanny, I need the rest of that Xanax." "Oh, my god." "Our anniversary was approaching, four years, and I figured it was time for me to step up and to commit to her." "I even prayed about it." "Oh, my god." "I need some lipstick." "I need lip gloss." "Amber, quit panicking." "My freaking heart is racing." " Hi, children." " What's up?" "A lot of the per2yon family came." "Of course, our mom and our dad, Shawn and daja." "It really meant lot to me for them showing up." "Who all in your family is here?" "Who all in your family is here?" "Didn't nobody come but my little brother and his girlfriend and my uncle." "But I wish my mama could've came, but she had to work." "But you got your other mama here." "Yeah, I got my per--as long as I got my per2yons here." "I wish my mom could've came, but she didn't." "That's what that other family is there for." "To-- Support." "But I really appreciate y'all coming, though, for real." "Oh, you know." "Oh, my god, Kay." "Let's do this." "All right, dog." "All right, dog." "I, Cameron Stewart..." "I, Amber Cameron..." "Join my life to yours..." "Let me be the shoulder you lean on..." "The rock on which you rest..." "The companion of your life..." "With you, I walk my path..." "From this day forward..." "To the end of my days." "There's not a night that don't go by that I don't ask for forgiveness or ask god to change my ways." "Or ask god to change my ways." "I want to be who he wants me to be." "Whoo!" "Oh, Madison" "A part of me feels like you can't help who you love." "Everything is so right during sex." "I just feel so comfortable being with Amber." "It's natural to me." "I know what a woman wants, how she wants it, and when she wants it." "But my struggle is me being like this is wrong." "But my struggle is me being like this is wrong." "Why am I like this?" "I do ask for forgiveness." "I ask god to change my ways, steer me in that right direction, whatever that right direction may be." "Father god, please forgive us for all our sins, take us out of this sin that we may be in." "Help us to grow better in our relationship even though it might not be right." "But I ask you that we-- You change us for the better." "But I ask you that we-- You change us for the better." "In Jesus' name I pray and I thank you." " Amen." " Amen." "I do not believe I'm going to hell." "I know where my heart is." "I know cam loves me." "But if cam decided that she didn't want to live this lifestyle anymore, I would be hurt, but I would let her go." "Today, I'm going to talk to Brandy." "I plan to apologize to her and try to make amends with her." "And try to make amends with her." "I've tried to do that with everyone that I've attempted to pray the gay away." "I've invited her for coffee, so I'm hoping that we can talk about it and talk through it." "The night that I called you" "It was a Sunday morning that I called you when you were about to commit suicide." "And I believe it was that night that I asked you to come to the church, so we could pray for you." "It was that very night." "God, how horrible of me." "I'm so sorry." "I feel really guilty and kind of ashamed" "I feel really guilty and kind of ashamed of what I did and how I treated you." "And I just kind of want to apologize for all that stuff." "And I know we went through a lot with Lisa passing away and" "When I met Brandy, her girlfriend Lisa passed away, and Brandy wanted me to do the funeral." "So I called Brandy to talk to her, and that's kind of how our relationship started." "I lost Lisa, and two days later, you know," "I was extremely suicidal, I mean, gun loaded, ready to go." "I was extremely suicidal, I mean, gun loaded, ready to go." "You called at the last second." "I remember at that moment thinking" "I needed to do something to help you, and you came to the church." "I imagined that when y'all did pray for me, it would be for emotional strength or spiritual strength" " and not..." " Yeah." ""Be gone, homosexuality" type prayer." "I mean, that was the toughest time in your life, and I took advantage of that." "I'm so sorry." "I just--i apologize." "I'm really ashamed of what I did, and I--you know, I tell people this a lot and I--you know, I tell people this a lot because it's still hard for me because of what I did to a lot of people." "It wasn't just you." "It was a lot of people." "I honestly believed that I was doing the right thing, saving you from an eternal hell." "I mean, I believed that." "You represented everything that I was on the inside but couldn't be." "You helped me to start see things really differently." "You helped me to start see things really differently." "Thank you so much." "Just to admit that I was that person, to admit that I did those things" "That's the hardest thing for me." "I can't change what I did." "All I can do is try to do it differently." "And it's really hard to combat that deeply embedded doctrine from the church." "Yeah, you did a horrible, horrible job at praying the gay away because" "I think every person you pray the gay away from is at least bisexual now." "Is at least bisexual now." "Bisexual." "♪ Our god who reigns ♪" "♪ I will praise ♪" "♪ We praise your name ♪" "Here they go." "♪ Praise to the only living god ♪" "♪ Praise to the holy ♪" "♪ Praise to the holy faithful one ♪" "♪ Hallelujah ♪ ♪ hallelujah ♪" "♪ Praise your name ♪ ♪ we praise your name ♪" "♪ There is freedom to dance ♪" "♪ There is freedom to dance in your presence ♪" "♪ There is freedom to dance in your presence ♪" "How are you?" "♪ In Liberty ♪" "♪ Hallelujah ♪" "♪ We praise your name ♪" " Whoo!" "Amen!" "♪ Hallelujah ♪" "♪ We praise your name ♪ ♪ we praise your name ♪" "I'm so excited." "I'm hoping that Devin will be filled with the holy spirit and get saved." "He's not gonna want to be gay anymore." "He's gonna want to live for god." "Welcome to the pentecostals of the Gulf coast." "Come on and clap your hands unto the lord in Thanksgiving." "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "I am a Christian, I do believe in god, and I do believe in a right way of living." "But there are just so many worse things that a person can do that god has to judge rather than me being gay." "Tonight, all you have to do is be a hearer and doer of the word." " Say amen." " Amen." "Put your hands together." "Give honor to your senior pastor." "Amen." "Satan has put all sorts of barricades and blockades in every direction of your life." "In every direction of your life." "We're gonna let god begin to wash that stuff" " out of our mind..." " Hallelujah." "So that we can get a mind of god in our life." " Amen." "Yes!" " A mind of Christ." "God is ready tonight to give you a healing touch in one run to the altar." "Come on, come this way." "Come this way." "If you've got a need, I've got a god." "We've got ministers that are ready to pray with you." " ♪ Come as you are ♪ - ready to pray with you." "Come as you are." "♪ This very moment ♪" "♪ This very moment ♪" "♪ Surrender your heart ♪" "♪ And know that you have to heal ♪" "♪ Come as you are ♪" "♪ Jesus is waiting, come-- ♪" "I hope that a lot of homosexuals will realize that if they don't change and don't accept that if they don't change and don't accept" "Jesus Christ into their heart, they're doomed for hell." "Every man and every woman needs to repent and believe the gospel." "What did you think of it?" "It was a trip." "I mean, the message, it was great." "Just stay true to who you are." "That's what you got from that?" "Well, amongst other things." "Oh, okay." "Okay, so when you mean just be who you are, okay, so when you mean just be who you are, what do you-- What did you mean by that?" "I pretty much was going along the lines of..." "Even with, like, the last song, "come as you are."" "And I guess, like, a question that I have for you is what exactly are your intentions with, like, wanting me to come to church?" "Well, what I'm praying for and what I'm hoping for well, what I'm praying for and what I'm hoping for is that you experience what I've experienced, and that's accepting Jesus Christ." "He's gonna be able to send you down there or up there." "You haven't been touched by god." "Mom, you were a firm believer in who you were." "I was." "I was." "I had a lot of respect for you for it." "Well, I was." "And you--and hopefully" "I looked up to you for that." "Satan had a hold on me with homosexuality," "Satan had a hold on me with homosexuality, and I was bucking." "But who is to say that I am destined to an eternity in hell because I happen to find my love in, say, another man?" "And you're not gonna ever know any different until you read the word." "It hurts." "It really does." "And I blame myself for it." "So the only thing that I can give my son, so the only thing that I can give my son, a gift that I can give my son, is just him seeing me and seeing the change in me." "I pray for you to accept Jesus Christ into your heart and for you to change your lifestyle." "That's your life." "It's not mine." "I mean" "Well, hopefully, you can be respectful and happy for the way I believe now because it's" "I mean, I am." "I'm gonna support you no matter what decision you make, but it was" "But it was" "It's just a little disappointing." "I've prayed this to god that if I ever go back to that lifestyle, before I do, I want him to just take me out, or I'd take myself out." "Yeah."