"[ Crowd Murmuring ]" "[ Tapping ]" "Hello...." "and Welcome." "I'm Councilman Edmund Harris of the fifth district." "[ Applauding ]" "I'm sure some of you know we're gathered here this afternoon... to dedicate the beginning of a year long project:" "to make a movie right here in Phoenix and the outlying areas, and much of it in our own fifth district." "[ Applause ]" "The fifth district is the home of our good friends, the Yeager family:" "Warren, Jeanette, cute little Lisa and Eric." "And they're going to be the stars of this unusual movie." " [ Murmuring ]" " Wait a minute." "ALL of us are going to have an important part in the picture too." "My wife tells me I'm not handsome enough... to be in the movies." "But our guest of honor here today says that's baloney." "He's the gentleman behind the whole thing." "Quite a gentleman he is." "Why, he's made me laugh on..." ""The Tonight Show," the late Ed Sullivan." "J know you've seen his short films on NBC's "Good Night Saturday. "" "A lot of you have seen him on your favorite shows, I'm sure." "And if you like the food we had today, you have him to thank." "So would you please Welcome with a big Phoenix applause, all the way from Hollywood, California," "Mr. Albert Brooks !" "Thank you, Councilman Harris." "Please tell the mayor I wish him a speedy recovery." "I couldn't help noticing some expressions of shock or disbelief, or whatever it was you were doing, when the councilman mentioned that the Yeagers... were going to be the stars of a major motion picture." "Many of you know Warren Yeager is a fine veterinarian... and not a professional actor." "But that's exactly the point." "We're gathered here this afternoon to film Warren and his family, and you folks and ourselves as well, because we're making a movie about reality." "I'm sure you've had the experience of coming out of a theater... and saying, "l've had more interesting things happen to me..." ""than happened to those characters in that picture." "My life is much more interesting."" "You know something ?" "You're right." "The most hilarious Comedy, the most gripping drama, the most suspenseful disasters, they don't happen on the movie screen." "They happen in my backyard and yours." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "So, please, just remember two simple words... and everything will be perfect." "Be yourselves." "If you see one of our cameramen following Warren or Jeanette, or one of the children into your homes or your offices... or cleaning establishments or gas stations, don't try to do anything special." "It's tempting to show off for the camera." "I know." "I make my living that way." "But in this case, we don't want a show." "Let me correct myself." "We want the greatest show of all:" "life !" "Hey, you're great!" "You're great!" "We're gonna have a b-a-l-l here." "I guarantee you." "A lot of people term this project an experiment, and I can't disagree." "What experiment would be complete... without the scientists, hmm ?" "I'd like to introduce two of the finest... psychological consultants that money can buy." "And I wouldn't want you to get the impression... that we're buying either of these gentlemen." "Actually, the one on the end is rented, and the gentleman sitting next to him is leased." "No, I'm kidding." "The gentleman on the end-- What can J say ?" "He's from one of the most prestigious institutes... we have in this country." "From Boulder, Colorado, from the National lnstitute of Human Behavior, would you Welcome Dr. Howard Hill." "[ Applauding ]" "And the gentleman sitting next to him" "What can I say ?" "You might have seen him on some television shows." "A well-known author." "He's written books." "From the University of Minnesota, please give a nice Welcome to Dr. Ted Cleary." "[ Applauding ]" "A lot of you probably thought Ted didn't stand up." "Actually, he is standing." "Isn't that great ?" " He eats very little." " [ Laughter ]" "You folks Jove to Laugh, don't you ?" "More than anything else, I'd love to get into some humor with you, but we really don't have the time." "We're meeting the Yeagers at the airport in less than half an hour." "So before yours truly has to skidaddle out of here, I'd like, if I could, to share my sentiments I have... about this beautiful city with you, if I might." "Mort !" "Ladies and gentleman, the man at the piano, Mr. Mort Lindsay... from "The Merv Griffin Show. "" "And as much of his orchestra as we could afford to bring down." " Mort, if you will." "?" "[ Piano ] lt's something I jotted down on the plane coming in yesterday, specially from me to you." "?" "When an irresistible town ?" "?" "Such as you ?" "?" "Meets a young, honest guy like myself ?" "?" "No one can doubt it's gonna be great ?" "?" "It's fate ?" "?" "Something's Gotta give Give me all you've Got ?" "?" "Don't make me wait ?" "How are you ?" "Folks Like you ?" "?" "Are what they call number one ?" "?" "'Cause you live in the beautiful ?" "Valley of the Sun" "You've Got weather that's sunny and clear, here ?" "?" "We're gonna have, We're gonna have one heck of a year ?" "?" "Be yourselves ?" "?" "And tell me who each of you are ?" " Who are you ?" "What do you do ?" " Paul Lowell, Lowell Realty." "Thanks very much for the house." "You Got me my house." "Who are you ?" "Donna Stanley, Stanley's Gift Shop." "Thanks for that little plastic cactus." "Yes." " And who are you ?" " I'm Jack from Cincinnati." "You live down here ?" "Just visiting ?" "No, I came down to watch you work." "Isn't that something ?" "God bless you." "?" "I'd like to thank you all but we don't have the time ?" "?" "Or the cord, Lord ?" "?" "Got to move, Got to get this film on its way ?" "?" "See you soon ?" "?" "Hope you like the expensive buffet ?" "Two grand !" "?" "I'll just say a big thank you and ciao ?" "Wow !" "?" "Someone's Gotta leave lt's Gotta be Now ?" "Thank you." "God bless you !" "You're something else !" "Thank you !" "?" "[ Whistling ]" "?" "[ Whistling Continues ]" "[ Birds Chirping ]" "Hello." "So many of us go through life doing one thing... and dreaming of doing something else." "I'm one of those people." "I'm in show business." "I'm fortunate to have that job, but quite frankly, if I'd studied harder or been graded more fairly, I would have been a scientist or a doctor of some kind." "Well, the fulfillment of that dream finally happened for me... when I arrived here at the National lnstitute of Human Behavior, a few miles southwest of Boulder, Colorado." "I knew from the inception of this motion picture... that without scientific guidance... from a nationally recognized research organization, very few people would take this seriously." "However, with that guidance... we not only had a chance at winning an Oscar, but possibly a Nobel Prize too." "Ooh !" "It gives me the chills." "Let's go inside." "Come on." "[ Brooks Narrating ] Thousands of people responded... to the advertisements scientifically placed by the institute." "They filled out preliminary questionnaires... in the privacy of their own homes." "Then, the 2 1 0 best families were invited here for final testing." "These tests in Boulder were designed to choose the one family unit... that could best reflect day-to-day Jiving in contemporary America, and at the same time... hold a motion picture audience completely spellbound." "During the time they stayed here, the 2 1 0 families underwent more than 1 45 separate tests, totaling more than 2,500 test hours." "If these tests could be converted into eggs, it would be enough to feed a city the size of St. Louis... for more than two years on a two-egg-per-person per week basis." "Sound complicated ?" "It was, and very expensive." "However, even though we were paying for this, for security reasons... the institute allowed us to film just a small portion... of a few of the tests." "Honey, I completely believe that." "[ Brooks Narrating ] Test 40, one of three role reversal exercises." "The instructions were.?" "Be someone else in your family." "This test was invaluable, not just because of the insights it gave into relationships, but because it single-handedly discouraged 23 families... from further participation, saving us more than $90,000 in wasted testing costs." " l wanna go out and play." " No !" "You heard what mother said." "You have to stay in, do your homework, and be quiet all day." " But I wanna go out and play." " NO !" " Well, I want to." " l said no !" " l said yes." " l don't care." "I'm the boss." "Now you're gonna get a beating." "I don't wanna do that." "Okay, okay." "Harold, stop it !" "Don't call me Harold, call me Dad !" "Don't you hit me, you little-  [ Shouts ]" " Damn you !" "[ Brooks ] ALL right." "Thank you, Folks." "Thank you." "Folks ?" "[ Brooks Narrating ] This was test 7 2, one of 1 5 tests... utilizing state-of-the-art computer technology." "This man... was feeding all of his facial features into this-- the Graphicon 8,000." "This amazing computer would actually show... what each family member's face would photograph Like... from every conceivable angle... and then give us a digital readout of their screen presence." "[ Buzzing ]" "Okay, it should be simple." "[ Brooks Narrating ] Test 1 4 1, known simply as the driving test." "Since much of anybody's Life takes place in a car, we wanted to make sure our family wasn't going to kill us." "Dummies, acting as cameramen, were placed... in one of the 200 cars in the institute's mobile test fleet." "When I tell you to start, put the car in reverse," " back it to that simulated garage." " GO ?" "In reverse and back in there." "Okay, fine." "[ Horn Honks ]" "You were supposed to put it back in the simulated garage." " What simulated garage ?" " Okay." "While the testing continued, ground rules for the project were slowly being developed." "Most important was the unusual agreement... that only the studio and a few of the doctors at the institute... would actually be allowed to see the film as it was being shot." "The rest of us would have to wait until the year was over." "This was done to reduce possible confusion... and to heighten the reality." "But, to really heighten the reality, we needed a whole new generation of motion picture equipment-- equipment that could stay out of our family's way." "Two systems were chosen." "First, from Japan, special heat-sensing wall cameras like this." "These would be installed wherever feasible." "These amazing devices actually used body heat... to focus in on the nearest person." "Quiet, efficient, expensive." "And then, to capture what those couldn't, a startling breakthrough in technology." "The smallest, most versatile motion picture camera ever made." "From Holland, the Entanour 226-XL." "The Etanour is actually worn over the head." "The camera is controlled by using body movement, and by operating this human eye-like lens system." "[ Whirring ] lsn't that something ?" "And it can hear like a human too... with these special omni-directional microphones... located exactly where we have our ears." "The Etanour needs no special lighting." "And it uses no film." "Yes, all picture and sound information... is recorded digitally on these integrated circuit chips, some no larger than a child's fingernail." "When these chips are filled to capacity, they will be removed from this, then mailed back to the institute, where they're decoded and then transferred to film as we know it." "Only six of these cameras were ever made." "Only five of them ever worked." "We had four of those." "After six weeks of testing, the families had been narrowed down to two.?" "the Andrew Feltons from Green Bay, Wisconsin, and the Warren Yeagers from Phoenix, Arizona." "Using the sophisticated equipment and the institute's direct mail, the other hundreds of families were notified... that they were unsuitable." "Since these two finalists had never met before, each family served as a matching set of strangers for the other." "They were given only one instruction for the hour-Long encounter.?" "Be yourselves." " You're with T.W.A. ?" " No, American." "Oh, uh-huh." "You get to fly for free, don't you?" "We have to pay tax." "How much is the tax to Europe ?" "I don't know exactly." "Are there a maximum amount of trips you can take ?" "Oh, yes." " Sounds great." " Oh, yes." "To be perfectly frank, we could find no difference." "Our research was so thorough, the computers actually coughed up two perfect families." "If I were a liar, I could tell you we chose one over the other... for complicated psychological reasons." "But I'm a Comedian, not a liar." "I can afford the luxury of honesty." "The Feltons lived in Wisconsin." "The Yeagers lived in Arizona." "You spend the winter in Wisconsin." "[ All Laughing ]" "[ Brooks Narrating ] Phoenix!" "Population.?" "almost one million people." "The fastest growing metropolis west of the Mississippi." "The Yeagers Jived here, in one of the newer sections of town, part of the fifth district." "Their house was located at the end of a cul-de-sac... called View Crest Heights Drive." "Warren Yeager worked here at the Arizona Veterinary CJinic, one of the finest veterinary hospitals in the new southwest." "The children attended school at Benjamin Franklin Grammar School, about two miles from the family's home." "J was fortunate to purchase the house... directly across the street from the Yeagers." "Jt was the first house J had ever owned, and J must say," "J was proud." "That's it." "This man, However, would not stop shaking my hand." "The Yeagers were sent on a two-week, all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii... so J could get settled in without disturbing them." "J knew the house had to be furnished with great care." "[ Horn Honking ]" "We're here !" "[ Brooks Narrating ] The Jiving room was done in neo-Mediterranean style." "The playroom was done contemporary, with a fun touch." "Let's put it outside." "And the sleeping area" "Well, with this round bed and Large screen TV," "Let's just say if there were single girls in Phoenix, I'd find them." "The rest of the crew stayed here at the Travel Lodge, a nice place." "But enough about the crew, for at this very moment... a 707 was Landing nonstop from Hawaii... with our stars aboard." "It's not degrading." "What's degrading about being introduced ?" " Howard, were you degraded ?" " There's professional dignity." "Why were you singing ?" "You were just to inform them of the project." "I did." "What's so bad about making them happy ?" " They loved the song." " l don't know about you, Howard." "I didn't go to graduate school to be introduced as a part of an act." "An act." "Howard, you've seen me work." "That's not my act, Ted." "An act's a very detailed thing with a set opening, a three-minute hunk." "Follow that with a ten-minute hunk." "[ Warren ] Mr. Brooks." "Albert." "Someone knows me in Phoenix." "Hi." "How are you ?" "It's Warren." " We're in baggage!" " We missed the plane." "Great, good." "We're coming !" "I Got mixed up myself. I thought-- Hey !" "Hello !" " We missed you !" " He barely knows me." "Welcome home !" "Aloha !" "Look at this." "Look at this." "Real orchids." "Hello, Mrs. Yeager." "And you." "Look at this." "Come here." "Look at that." "Okay !" "Do we know everybody ?" "These are the Etanours. I think you read the literature on them." "These are my two psychological consultants." "They'll be with us the entire year, making sure everything is perfect." " Did you meet Howard ?" " l don't think so." "Dr. Howard Hill." "He's from the institute." "This gentleman's gonna be with us ?" "Yes, he is." "I won't be degrading." "I'll do it right this time." "I'm Dr. Ted Cleary." "I'm not a consultant, I'm more of an observer." "I'm writing a series of articles on this project... for the Journal of American Psychology." "[ Brooks ] He's a Well-known author." "Written Jots of books." "You know who's going to publish the articles he's writing ?" "l did tell him." "The Journal of American Psychology." "Maybe the most prestigious scientific journal in the world." "You know who reads these things ?" "Jonas Salk, Buckminster Fuller," "William Buckley, every scientist living." "They go to the mailbox, they get it like magazines." "We're all gonna be on Jonas Salk's coffee table." " All right !" " Can you believe it ?" "He loves it." "One last thing, then I'm staying out of your lives." "Limo back to the house." "Just a special treat." " Come on, let's go to the limo !" " l wanna tell you something." "We went to Maui." "Jeanette didn't want to go, but I told her" "What am I supposed to do ?" "Get this luggage myself?" "Excuse me One moment." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, really." " I'm sorry." "I'm a little excited." " You're completely out of it." " Come On !" "Come On !" " Okay !" " We Got the whole crew waiting'!" " Okay." "Come on, Honey." "[ Applauding ]" "Mr. Theodore Cleary !" "All right, there he is !" "The Yeagers !" "You won't believe it." "Look, it's your parents." "We flew 'em in from Tucson." "How are you ?" "Oh, it's nice to see you." "Isn't this perfect ?" "Okay, very quickly." "Oh, that's" " Love reunions." "Very quickly, folks." "We want to meet your crew." "We lined 'em all up." "We'll do it just like they meet royalty." "Dr. and Mrs. Yeager, Eric, Lisa." "We'll go down the line." "This is wardrobe." "Trucker." "Cameraman." " First A.D. Second A.D." " What's an A.D. ?" "Assistant director." "We'll get to it in a second." "Another trucker." " What are these people's names ?" " Not important." "Let me finish." " Wardrobe." "Script." " Script ?" "is there a script ?" "No, they're all part of the package." "Cameraman, another cameraman, grip." "How do you do ?" "Hello." "This is a trucker." "This is a gopher." " This is a gopher." " Where ?" "Where ?" "No, Eric, these people here." "It's a term, okay ?" "Publicity." "This is a trucker, driver, and a trucker." "Okay ?" "There's a few other people." "They're not here right Now." "Of course, thanks to modern technology, these people really aren't needed, but the union makes us take 'em." "So, folks, we'll see you at the premiere, huh ?" "Have a nice time in Phoenix !" "Enjoy your stay." " Thanks for coming." " Get good tans." "Nice to see ya." "See ya again." "Nice to see ya." "Have a good stay." "See you next year." "Nice to see ya." "Okay ?" "So, what can I tell you ?" "Welcome home." "You wanna film something of us coming out of the car ?" "You kind of look tired." "Why don't you go in your house ?" "Make yourself at home, all right ?" "I want to go over the rules, but we can do that and the schedule later." " You sure ?" " He just said so, didn't he ?" "Okay ?" "So break a leg !" "Be yourselves !" " Thank you for everything." " Don't worry about it." " Leis keep." "Put 'em in the freezer." " Okay." "Thank you." "Have a good time Now." "Be yourselves!" "They Look great." "They're great." "They're great." "[ Brooks Narrating ] They were great." "What a family." "The Long trip from Hawaii did Leave them a bit fatigued, However." "Especially Mrs. Yeager, who thought she had a slight fever." "Although Dr. Yeager said it would be all right to film them unpacking," "J thought it was appropriate to give them an hour by themselves... to relax and get ready for dinner." "J took the opportunity to finish antiquing my end table." ""Continuous motion for oldest effect."" "The hour passed very quickly." "And before J knew it, we were ready to join them... for their first supper." "Eat your pizza, Honey." "Good pizza." "Honey, do you think it's safe... for you to be eating with your heating pad in your lap ?" "I have terrible cramps, I am bleeding profusely... and I want to vomit on the table." " [ Laughs ] - [Jeanette ] What are you doing ?" "I just wanna let them know this is not the way... we usually talk, especially at the dinner table." "Okay." "Why don't we-- Why don't we just, uh, pretend that we just sat down, and we can start over, okay ?" "Great pizza, huh, kids ?" "Kids ?" " l hate it." " You hate it. [ Laughs ]" " Oh !" "Eric." " Goddamn it, Eric !" "Watch your mouth." "This is not the language we use at the dinner table." "Since when have we had all these rules at the dinner table ?" "Lisa, don't use my good linen napkin to wipe that up !" "What am I supposed to use?" "There are no other napkins in the house." "There are too napkins in the house." "Your mother's very uncomfortable." "If you get smart with her again, I'm gonna punish you." "Understand?" " l hate it in here !" " You don't have to eat here." "If you didn't, there'd be plenty more food for the rest of us." "Don't start making her feel guilty about the food." "God, you make me sick." "Because I stick up for you ?" "Eric, why don't you just leave the towel ?" "Wanna take your pizza into your room ?" "Take your pizza into your room and watch some TV." " Okay ?" " Okay." "Why does he have to finish his dinner in the other room ?" "J thought he could have more fun eating there." "Oh, he can't have fun here ?" "It's hard to have fun when you have to listen to your mother... whining about her terrible menstrual cramps every day." " l mean, every day." " J agree." "And it is also not much fun to have an l.U.D. stuck in you... to prevent, as you put it, more mouths to feed." "[ Chuckles ] l" " Look, I never said that." "I don't care what you said. I am having this coil taken out Monday." "From Now on, if you want safe sex, have it with one of your animals !" "I know you didn't mean anything by that, so I'm not gonna say anything, I'm just, uh" "You're just upset, the way everybody gets." "[ Door Slams Shut ]" "What a great day, huh ?" "Sounds real exciting over there, doesn't it ?" " Been spying on the neighborhood ?" " I'm not spying on anybody." "I live here." "I'm allowed to walk up and down the street." "What'd you think, Howard ?" "Real good action for day one." " Real good." " Well, tension, not action." "Tension is action." "Don't you ever go to plays ?" "What'd you think, Ted ?" "Some good insights for you ?" "If I were running this project, those people would have Gotten... some rest tonight, and day one would've been tomorrow." "We all agreed at the meeting that when they Got off the plane," " that was the beginning." " Absolutely !" "We all pretty much agreed, but I disagreed." "Look, it's done." "It's on film." "I think we Gotta keep remembering, whatever we do is fine, it's perfect, it's the movie." "Oh, great." "It may be fine and perfect, but the added tension is making your leading man Come off unsympathetic." " What ?" " That's only my observation." "No, he's very sympathetic." "If you don't look at it from the dramatic point, you'll never see it." "Here's a guy." "He's Got a wife, two kids." " He's threatened by society." " Oh, Come on Now !" "On one hand, he doesn't want to make the same mistakes his parents made." "On the other hand, he's not so sure his parents made mistakes." "Maybe he likes himself, maybe he doesn't." "Jesus, I think it's a hell of a complex character." "Don't you think so, Howard ?" "He's complex." " He's fine." "Just relax." " l am relaxed !" "I don't like my leading man being called unsympathetic... on the basis of four minutes of film." " [ Chuckles ]" " He's good, huh ?" "He's good." "He was good at the airport." "He was good !" "On one hand he likes himself, on the other hand he doesn't." "Honey ?" "Honey, what's the problem ?" "There's no problem. I just don't like you very much right Now." "Cramps is a bad beginning for your movie, so I'm gonna spend the weekend at Bonnie's." "It's our movie. lt was our decision." "You don't have to leave." " What about the children ?" " The children know." "I'm sure they could film your better moments." "Don't make me get in an argument." "There's no argument." "After all, they're paying for the whole family." "I'll call you tomorrow." "Honey, you wanted this as much as I did." "You'll benefit from it too." "Warren, will you please" "[ Car Door Closes, Motor Revving ]" "Latch onto Jeanette !" "Hello, Mrs. Yeager !" "Where you going ?" "Listen, I would just like to go be alone for a little while." " l think I need to be alone Now." " Can we Come with you ?" "No, I really want to be alone." " Well" "Just by myself." "We're gonna deal with this later because this wasn't in the rules." "It's all right." "Go ahead." "Would you take the little car ?" "We're driving to work with Warren." "We'd like to use the station wagon." "It's just hard to fit both..." "cameras in there." " Could one person Come with you ?" " NO." " One ?" "That's all right." "Go ahead." " Please ?" " l need to be by myself." " Okay. I understand." "There's a lot of room in here if we just" " One" "[ Engine Revving ]" "[ Tires Screeching ] lf you'd like to go beyond the original year... to make up these days, it's okay." "No, I don't think you understand." "There's no making up days." "This is the reality." "This is it." "She left." "That's real." "Everything that happens-- even us Now-- it's all-- it's all the reality." "Very good." "She came out angry like that." "Got right in the car." "You followed her." "All good stuff." "Very, very good." "Really." " l should go on living as usual ?" " Mm-hmm." "That's it." "Don't worry about anything." "You're very good." "Thanks." "[ Brooks ] Warren Yeager tried to carry on as if nothing had happened, but he was uncomfortable because of his wife's absence." "[ Radio.?" "Rock ]" "Honey ?" " The music goes into my bedroom." " [ Radio Clicks Off ]" " What are you doing ?" " What are you doing ?" " I'm fantasizing." " Don't fantasize." "I'm a big motion picture star." "These are my cameras." "That's my director." " And you are my lover." " Okay." "Kiss me, my beautiful lover." "Take me in your arms and kiss me." "Take off the dress." "It's your confirmation dress." " How long we've been apart." " Listen to what you're saying." "Take and kiss me like you've never kissed me before." "Honey, Come On." "You're gonna get hit." "Now get out of this dress." "I can stay in this dress." "Mother said I could." " I'll bet she did." " She did !" " Ask her, if she ever Comes back." " Okay, Come on." "That's it." " Where's Eric ?" " He's playing with the crew." "He's not supposed to." "Didn't you tell him that ?" "No." "I'm not his mother, remember ?" "Okay, don't get smart with me !" "[ Sighs ] Cereal on the floor." "I'll just make breakfast Now." "I'll make some eggs." "Put this back." "I'll make eggs." "[ Brooks Narrating ] On Sunday, Mrs. Yeager called me... and said she would be coming home that evening, but asked if she could see me first privately... at the Desert Plaza Shopping Center." "So he says, "You think that's bad, her sister's twice as fat."" "[ Laughing ]" "Ah." "Over here." "The institute and J agreed that meetings with any family members... should be discouraged, but this did sound important." "I was hoping we could be alone." "This is alone." "This is alone as I ever get." " How was your weekend ?" " Oh, it was okay." "Thank you for giving me that time." "I know How important the movie is to you." "I'm sorry. I know you didn't have to do it." "Don't worry about it. I mean, it's important. I didn't have to do it." "But it's a decision, and I made it." "lt was a loving decision." "Oh, God, no." "No love." "It's just a decision." "I'm making 'em all the time." "What's up ?" "Why'd you want to meet me ?" "I wanted to tell you that I like you, and that this movie means as much to me as it does to everybody else." " l hope I didn't hurt anything." " Oh, no, no." "Nothing can hurt it." "That's the beauty part of this film." "It is what it is." "It's like a movie in a movie, in a movie, in a movie." "You know?" "Well, you were very sweet, and I wanted to do something for you in return." " Oh, don't." " No, really, I want to." "I made an appointment with my gynecologist... for a quarter to 1 0:00 tomorrow morning." "And if you want to, you and the crew can feel free to join me." "Film the gynecologist ?" "Mrs. Yeager !" "I can't be" " Oh, boy !" " Oh, yes !" "Great !" " There's one small problem." "I'm not gonna shoot anything that'll embarrass you. I swear." "I couldn't use it anyway." "I'm locked into a P.G." "I didn't mean anything like that." "No, it's Warren. l-- l haven't told Warren that you're going with me, and I don't think that anyone should tell him." "See, this thing is so new to him, and he's very nervous and edgy." "I'm sure that in a month or two it would be fine, you know." "But right Now he's a little upset and" "Since it wasn't planned-- l just-- l think he would say no... and we would just get into another argument." "[ Crying ] And I'm real tired of arguing with him." "Ooh, look" " Go home." " l don't know what's happening." "He just doesn't seem to understand anything at all anymore." "[ Crying ]" "Mrs. Yeager, let me ask you a question." "Do you think he Comes off unsympathetic ?" " Mm-hmm." " No." "No, really." "See if you can detach yourself for a minute." "Look at it from the dramatic point." "Here's a guy." "He's Got a wife, two kids." "He's threatened, you know ?" "Threatened by society." "On one hand he's Got the parental thing, on the other hand he's Got the pressures of his work." "An audience has Got to have sympathy for a guy like this." "He's a very complex guy." "People have sympathy for a guy who's complex." "Don't you think so ?" "Think about it." "He is complex, isn't he ?" " You're such a sensitive man." " Oh, no, no." "It's just a theory." "I'm not, no." "Well, I want you to meet me outside my doctor's building..." " at a quarter to 1 0:00 tomorrow." " Okay." " Okay ?" " Okay." " I'm gonna go home Now." " Okay." "You gave me the strength." "Thanks." "Oh. [ Spits ] l-- l didn't give you-- l gave you nothing, Mrs. Yeager." "I gave you nothing." "Don't think I'm anything better than what you have." "I gave you nothing." "Don't think I'm anything better than what you have." "You think I've Got this charisma, but J don't!" "I really don't, Mrs. Yeager." "It's just-- l have a bit of it, but it just sits on the surface. lt doesn't run deep." " No kissing." " Deeper than you think." " I'LL call you tomorrow." " Mrs. Yeager, it's been measured." "It doesn't run deep." "No kissing here." "I'm a shallow fellow." "Look." "Shallow, shallow." "Really!" "Shallow!" "She didn't know." "What am I gonna do ?" "I didn't call this." "I didn't do it." "Let me just..." "go out of frame this way." "All right." "During the examination, basically get her expressions." "Just very nice." "No-- We're not gonna shoot anything" " Perfect." "Just like this, huh ?" " l trust you." "No, don't." "No trust." "No, honestly." "Shallow." " No." "These are just decisions." " [ Nurse ] Mrs. Yeager?" " The doctor will see you Now." " All right, here we go." "Tasteful." "Taste." "Just remember." "Uh, excuse me. I don't think the doctor would like... anyone other than the patient in the examining room." "Oh, there's been a mistake." "See ?" "We're filming her life, and we have her permission." "Someone from my crew was here this morning and Got a release." "No, not today." "You must be mistaken." "I don't think I'm mistaken." "I'll check." "Margaret, be with you in a few minutes." " Mrs. Yeager, How you feeling ?" " Much better, thank you." " What are these ?" " These are cameras." "Oh, no." "Oh, goddamn it !" "What's going on ?" "I was cleared !" "Come on, get out of here !" "Wait, wait, wait." "This is a big motion picture." "I'm Albert Brooks." "l don't care who the hell you are !" "Talk to my lawyers." "I was cleared." "Get out." "Out !" "Dr. Rennert, these people are with me." "They're filming my life." "I'm sorry, but I had bad experiences with the 60 Minutes people." "We're not news." "We're not digging." "I don't even ask questions." "I'm just filming her, and right Now you're in their life." "They're in my life !" "Mrs. Yeager, I'm getting angry." "My blood pressure's starting to soar." "What do you want me to do ?" "You want them in here ?" "Fine." "They can take out your l.U.D." " Two Thorazine." " You don't understand." "I know what he wants." "This isn't a student film." "What are we talking about ?" "Look." "Huh ?" "There's four of us here, okay ?" "He wants an abortion." "All right ?" "Two." "Make it two." "I'll take a hysterectomy." "She'll have the same." "How about this for parking ?" "You think $500 might do it ?" "I just wanna film her life." "Please, don't make trouble." "You're gonna give me $500 to film an examination ?" "Oh, my God !" "Maxwell Rennert." " The baby broker !" " Oh, goddamn it !" " Get out !" "I don't need this !" " l can't believe it !" "Didn't you see that incredible thing Mike Wallace did on this man ?" "Sold children." "They were like baby slave auctions." "One of the best things on 60 Minutes I've ever seen !" " Mike sent me a letter of apology." " I'll bet." "Let's see it." "It's out being perma-plaqued." "You get out of here, goddamn it." " GO On, get Out." "You, get Out." "Just a minute." "[ Brooks ] This guy's nuts!" "J want this!" "[ Rennert ] Look at me." "My hands are shakin'like a 90-year-old." "[ Snoring ]" "[ Ringing ]" "[ Coughing ]" " [ Ringing ] - [ Mumbles ]" "[ Brooks Coughing ] Hello ?" "Hi." "Did I wake you ?" "Oh." "I fell asleep for a minute." "I'm up though." " How are you ?" "How you feeling ?" " Not too well." "Listen, Mrs. Yeager." "I'm very sorry about yesterday." "Maybe somebody in the crew can help you find another doctor." " What do you think ?" " No, that's okay." "I'm not" " That's okay." " Oh, okay." "Hey, it's a nice sunny day out, huh ?" "is there anyplace to go horseback riding around here ?" "My grandmother had a stroke this morning." "Oh, my God !" "That's terrible." " How old is she ?" " Eighty-one." "Well, that's very old." "I mean" "That's almost 90." "Did you tell Warren ?" "NO, not yet." "Oh, Mrs. Yeager, you didn't call me first !" "Yeah." "Don't do that." "Share this with him." "[ Jeanette ] I hope she'll be okay. I just" "Aw, she'll be all right." "[ Jeanette ] I hadn't called in about three months." "Oh !" "Honey !" "I just-- [ Sobbing ]" "Hi." " [ Sobbing Continues ]" " Gotta go !" "You cry it through, Mrs. Yeager." "Be alone." "Share it with her husband." "She called me." "What are you writing ?" "Just some notes." " Ted, she called me." "What notes ?" "What happened to the effort we were making to stay out of their lives ?" "Ted, she called me." "Ted doesn't understand." "Ted !" "Ted !" "[ Chuckles ]" "Ted!" "Ted, look, I didn't do anything here." "It's only the first week, and she seems to be relying on you quite a bit." " What do you mean ?" " Why didn't she call her husband ?" "Ask her that." "I'm not the Indian rubber man." "My arm didn't slither across the street, dial her phone... and then snap back in." "is the Journal gonna print I'm interfering because I took a call ?" "I don't know what the Journal's gonna print." "Ted, we've Got to lighten up here." " Her grandmother had a stroke." " Mm-hmm." "I'm wondering if maybe you're a little uncomfortable because" "Well, you know, it's Phoenix and you're... the only" "Well, you know." "There's not a, a lot of-- lt's Phoenix." "There's" "You know what I'm trying to say ?" "Y-You're, you're" "You're the only" "Albert, you have more trouble dealing with a black person... than any white man I have ever met." "[ Sighs ] I beg your pardon ?" "Hey, black meets white." "Ted, I'm not trying to do anything." "I'm just trying to tune in on your particular level of anxiety." " That's all." " Boogie !" "Boogie !" "Boo !" "Ted, stop distorting" " No, I'm not black, nor do I claim to be." "There's fears, misunderstandings, and all that other mumbo-jumbo, but they should have nothing to do with this project." "I know that you people are gonna take over the earth, okay ?" "You're stronger, faster." "You use heat better." "You've Got the whole next century wrapped up." "I know about Africa. lt's seething." "Boom !" "There it goes." "But it shouldn't stand in the way of this film." "We're working as a team." "We should put all that other stuff on the back burner." "Oh, yeah !" "We can put all "dat" on the back burner !" "Let me go in the kitchen and check on the burner Now." " See-- - [ Laughing ] I find that insulting, Ted." "I find that insulting." "I never said you talked like that." "That's why people like Jonas Salk... think Comedians are jerks." "Fine, he's writing that down." "I'll write it too." ""l never said that."" "Get that down on paper." "Get a permanent record of that." "Date this." "Now it's all permanent." "That's not what you said !" "You said this would be my scene." " We don't have time." "I'm sorry." " Albert !" "I've Gotta go." "Larry, in here." "Let's go." " She's only getting confirmed once." " Honey, it's an emergency." "[ Brooks ] Good luck !" "Wait for the guy." "Okay." "All right, he's in." "Let's go." " Bye, bye." " lt's not nice to break a promise." "Wait a second." "Honestly, this is Sunday. I don't have two crews." " But my dress !" " I'm filming your dress." " Get a good shot of her dress." " This isn't fair." "If you have time, when you're finished, Come by the church." " [ Warren ] We will!" " Bye, bye." " You liar !" " Bye." "[ Warren ] Bye, bye." "I feel bad about letting her down." "Don't worry." "She's fine." "You made the right decision." "If you pull over for a second-- l can get another crew." "You did the best you could, really." "You haven't had an emergency since we've been here." " l haven't had one in six months." " Really ?" " This is exciting." " Yes, it is." "Don't worry about anything." "Everything is under control." "[ Brooks ] Apparently, a beautiful old show horse had a heart attack... in the middle of a parade in downtown Phoenix." "Without an immediate and delicate bypass operation, the horse wouldn't make it." "Although Yeager had performed this kind of surgery only once before, he expressed confidence, and put the horse's owner at ease." "[ Motor Whirring ]" "At 1 1.?" "30, preparation for surgery began." "Take it up." "[ Whirring Continues ]" "Okay." "[ Murmuring ]" "[ Whirring Continues ]" "[ Whirring Stops ]" "[ Brooks Narrating ] Things proceeded smoothly." "At 1 1.?" "38 the horse was hooked up to the artificial respirator." "[ Breathing Sound ]" "[ Ticking ]" "The time was drawing near." "At 1 1.?" "4 1..." "Yeager and his assistants had finished their preparation." "We were ready." "You could feel the excitement in the air as Yeager ordered... the final dosage of anesthetic." "Okay, let's give him two and a half percent halothane... and then give me capillary refill time please." "[ Breathing Sound Continues ]" "[ Hissing ]" "[ Nurse ] Two and a half percent." "Uh, refill time:" "one second." "Good." "That's good." "Okay." "Let's go over our final checklist, and we're ready." "Respiration ?" " Six." " Good." "Let me see." "Blood pressure?" "What was the blood pressure earlier?" "One-ten Over 60." "What do we have Now ?" "One hundred over 52." "That's perfect." "Okay, let me see." "Uh" "Check pupil dilation." "Good." "Okay." "Color's good." "Let's check his pulse." "Okay." "This is dressed properly." " Pulse is 44." " Good." "E.K.G. ?" " Normal." " Okay." "Uh, let's give him the anesthetic, and we're on our way." "Two and a half percent halothane." "You want another two and a half percent ?" "Dr. Yeager ?" " What ?" " Two and a half percent ?" "Yes." "[ Hissing ]" " That's five percent halothane." " Five ?" "NO, no, no." "I said two and a half percent." "I heard you order it twice." "Oh, no. I couldn't have said that." "Two and a half percent." " You said it twice." " No, that's too much." " That's too much." " [ Male Assistant ] You ordered it." " l did ?" "Are you sure ?" " Yes." "We Got it on the film." "Oh, my God !" " [ Distorted Ticking ]" " Wait!" "Don't panic." "Don't panic." "Do something." "[ Quickened Respiration, Deflation ]" "[ Respiration, Deflation Stop ]" "We have no pulse." "Two and a half and two and a half makes five." "[ Brooks Narrating ] The operation was over at 1 1.?" "45," "Well ahead of schedule." "Oh, no." "Dr. Yeager took a short break, and then asked if he could see me alone in his office." "Of course I obliged." " Quite an ordeal, huh ?" " Yes, it was." "Albert, I know we have an agreement, and probably shouldn't be asking you this." "But I'd be rather embarrassed if what just went on in there... were included in this movie." "It's not gonna do me any good at all personally." "People in Phoenix are gonna see this movie." "I think you're overreacting." "I know what you're saying, but I think it showed you in a good light." " lt was very interesting." " l appreciate that." "But I'm gonna have to continue to work here after this film Comes out." "I don't know if I owned an animal and I saw me losing that horse, whether I would trust me, you know ?" "Yeah, but I wouldn't worry about it." "You see, people go to doctors for personal reasons, and you gave off something very good in there." "It seems like you did everything you could." "You just didn't know." "You made a mistake." "Everybody makes mistakes." "I don't know if people are understanding when it Comes to pets." " l think they are." " l've had people Come to me... because somebody else botched up a broken leg on a dog, for example" "No, I think people are very understanding." "They've been very bitter about whomever they've been to before." "This is the worst advertising a person like me could have." " You understand that ?" " Well, I'll tell you what." " Don't worry about it Now." " lt's on my mind Now." "Forget it Now." "As far as you're concerned Now, it's out." "You couldn't just sign something to that effect, could you ?" "Mmm, no. I mean, I could, but then it's gonna be on my mind." " [ Knocks ]" " Hello ?" " No one's in here." " [ Dog Barking ]" " Dr. Yeager ?" " [ Barking ]" " What the hell's goin' on here ?" " [ Barking ]" "Hello ?" "Anybody home ?" "Could you at least give me some kind of assurance... that this won't be the only time in the movie you'll see me working ?" "Can you show me saving all those cats and dogs ?" "Come on, will ya ?" "Remember the old saying.?" ""To err is human;" "to film divine."" "No, it was very good." "[ Knocking ]" " What happened ?" " We lost her." " You lost her ?" " I'm sorry." " How could you lose her ?" " I'm really sorry." "Don't you have people here who stay with the animals ?" "Let's get the damn hell out of here and find her." "[ Brooks ] That was the beginning of what was to be a bad time... in the Yeagers'lives." "On Wednesday Mrs. Yeager was informed... that her grandmother passed away from the stroke." "The funeral took place two days Later, and we were graciously allowed to film it." "Through Jesus Christ, our Lord." "Amen." ""Jesus said, 'l am the resurrection and the life." "'He that believeth in Me, though he were dead--"' l hate to keep harping on this, but I can't concentrate on my work." "I've never killed an animal that size." "This isn't the place." "We'll talk about it later." "Honey, this is the place." "I'm upset, you're upset." " What if he uses that scene ?" " [ Clears Throat ]" "Could you stop talking about the movie for just one minute ?" " What's the matter ?" " What's the matter ?" "Look up there." "That's my grandmother." "I realize that, but what's gonna happen when the kids go to school... and their friends say, "Hey, did your dad really kill that horse" ?" "What are the kids gonna say ?" "What are they gonna tell their friends ?" "If I could have your undivided attention." "I'm sure you'll feel better after this is over." "Let us pray." "Almighty God" "[ Brooks ] Things Got worse." "The following week was... one of the most depressing periods J had experienced since childhood." "The entire family was Now grief stricken." "She with her grandmother, he with the grandmother and the animal." "Day after day was the same." "Lifeless." "Dr. Yeager would sleep sometimes for 1 8 hours straight." "As a filmmaker J was frustrated." "J wanted to help." " [ Radio News, indistinct ]" " Dr. Yeager ?" "[ Radio Newsman ] An exhibition of paintings by Navajo children... will be on display throughout the month." "Dr. Yeager ?" "[ Phone Ringing ]" "Hello ?" "Jeanette ?" "It's Albert." " Hi." " Well, I know that you two... have been very depressed, and, uh" "Well, I've been avoiding you." "I don't know if you're aware of it, but I have for a couple of weeks... 'cause I didn't think we should be getting involved." "And Now I'm beginning to think... that if I can help you, maybe you can help everybody else." "So, uh" " What am I trying to say ?" "You wanna have dinner with me ?" "A snack ?" "You wanna" " Dinner ?" " Well, I mean, look." "I thought about that scene we had at the shopping center." "It was a good scene." "It was nice action." "And we talked." "That's more than anyone else is doing right Now, so-- l mean, maybe-- l don't know." "Come on over." "Albert, I feel badly about that day." "I'm still a little embarrassed about that." " l think what you said was right." " What did I say ?" "You said about you not being any better than what I already have." " l said that ?" " l think you were right." "Come on, get serious." "I have to make this work, or I'm not gonna have any respect for myself." " You know what I mean ?" " l see." "Okay." "Aw, Albert, this has nothing to do with you." "It's between Warren and me." "You hate me then, Now, right ?" "No, no. [ Chuckles ] I think you're very nice." "Nice." "Okay." "You do what you have to do." "Just talk, though." "Work it out with language. lt helps." "I'm not D.W. Griffith." "I'm gonna get in trouble if there's no dialogue." " We will." " Okay." "Promise ?" " lt's going to get better." " Great." "[ Brooks Narrating ] It didn't." "The following Saturday, Jeanette invited some friends over... for a barbecue." "She set the table, he set the mood." "J couldn't take it anymore." "J had decided that was it!" "These people had been depressed..." " Long enough." " [ Doorbell Ringing]" "[ Brooks ] HeJJo ?" "[ Knocking ]" "?" "Ooh, it's a lovely day today ?" "?" "It's a cheery kind of day ?" "Where are the kids ?" " What're you doin' ?" " ?" "Oh, let's play all the day ?" " Where are the kids ?" " School." "Lisa had a test." "?" "Oh, Lisa had a test ?" "Where's Eric ?" " Went with Lisa." " Ooh." "Well, this was just a very serious attempt to cheer everybody up." "But I needed the kids." "It was really for them." " I'll Come back when they're home." " Albert, please Come in." "We're just talking." "Please Come in." "But I did this" " I'll Come back." " l understand." "Please Come in." "No, Come on. I Gotta shower." "Let me shower." " Albert, please." " Okay, we'll Come in." "Okay." "Hi." " Hi." " No, I Gotta go home." "Come on." "Please. I'd really appreciate it." "Please." "Just sit down for a moment." " All right, okay." "Okay." "How are you ?" " You want a cup of coffee ?" " NO, no." "Hi." "Well, I'm sure you know that... we're upset." "What, are you kidding me ?" "That's why I rented this whole outfit. "You didn't rent me."" " Bunny, we're talking seriously." " Albert, wait." "[ Warren ] Now, J don't know too much about it, but I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown." "Oh, no !" "Don't act like that." "Come On." "The best thing you can do is just to relax." "See, when you feel this way, you clam up." "That's no good." "[ Crunching Sound ] I understand there's been a couple of deaths." "So what ?" "Look. I haven't Gotten used to this whole process myself." "[ Crunching Sound ] I cried the other night." " About what ?" " l don't remember." "See ?" "I'm mixed up too." "I just don't clam up." "[ Crunching Sound ] Look." "There's a big meeting coming up at the end of this month." "You know, with the institute and the people from the studio." "The one we're not invited to ?" ""l can't go either." That's right, he can't." "Why don't I see if I can call it earlier ?" "Maybe tomorrow or Wednesday if they can get down here." "I don't know exactly what to tell you, but these people do." "They're scientists." "That's their business." "If you'd listen to me, though, I think you'd feel better." "Just get it out." "Don't internalize." "Talk to anybody, a neighbor." "Talk to an animal." "Really, Warren." "Trust me." "[ indistinct ]" "[ Brooks Narrating ] We called the meeting for Wednesday." "These monthly feedback and input sessions... were crucial to the success of this project." "For the institute, this was the time to provide analysis and guidance, based on the footage they were viewing." "For the studio, this was the time to discuss financial matters, personnel problems, and other cinematic details." "This is Dr.leremy Noland, project coordinator for the institute, an ambitious man." "Dr. Ann Kramer, a good psychologist, generally a nice person." "J think she Liked me." "Dr. Hill was there, Dr. Cleary, and Martin Brand, the studio executive in charge of this picture." "Brand took this project over from a younger man who was fired." "Martin was used to the old Hollywood... with its big stars and lavish sets." "He didn't know what we were doing here." "J guess that's why he felt it was unnecessary to Come to Phoenix." "We've taken voiceprints from day 1 2 to day 1 8, compared them against... the prints of these same people from the first week of the project, and no matter which way we computed them, they came out the same." "Now, these people are definitely operating differently Now... than when filming started." "There are changes in all four voiceprint patterns." "The extent of these changes is confirmed... by changes in body temperature, as revealed by the infrared analysis of the film." "Now, each of us may have a different explanation for what's going on, but it's undeniable that you've altered the reality you're filming." "In my opinion, you're getting a false reality here, and I don't know what you're gonna do about it." "Me ?" "Wait a second." "l-l'd like to get back to something Ann said a little earlier." "You said you think I look heavier Now than when the filming started." " Where ?" "In the cheeks ?" " NO, no." "I said that in some of the later footage, you look somewhat fatigued." " Oh, I see." "That's all right." " Not fat, fatigued." "I've been up a lot." "Fatigued is okay, but heavy's another thing." "'Cause I eat raw vegetables." "There's no reason I should" " Mr. Brooks ?" " Yes ?" " You look fine." " Okay." "Now I'd like, if we could, to go to day four." "I believe that's, uh, scene 31 ." "[ Sighs ]" "Now here's some footage I'd like to show you." " Lights." " What ?" " What did you say ?" " Lights." "Oh, no." "See, this is my home." "It's not a projection room." "If you say, "Would you like to turn the lights off?" l'd say, "Sure."" ""Lights," he says." "Man lives in the kitchen ?" "Uh" "Now, we've blown up what I want to show you, and I'm gonna keep repeating it, because it's hard to catch." "In fact, the computer didn't catch it till the second run." "[ Noland ] When we started filming Warren Yeager, he was drinking coffee with his right hand only , no assistance at all from his left hand-- as distinctive a trait as handwriting." "Now watch again." "Right hand only ." "That's it." "Now, on day 1 3, he starts drinking coffee with both his hands." "Now watch the decision." "There!" "Now watch again." "[ Brooks ] What ?" "[ NoJand ] Watch the decision." "There!" "See ?" "He's much Jess relying on his entire right side." "[ Brooks ] Oh, Come on !" "[ Kramer ] Yes, it's conceivable that within two months... he will have shifted the cup entirely to his left hand, and his right will remain unused throughout the entire gesture." "[ Noland ] Mm-hmm." "Total change in body language." "Lights." "Very interesting." "I hadn't noticed it at all." "Well, wait a minute." "I mean, this cup could've been hot." "Nope." "The infrared analysis of the film... shows no difference in the effective temperature of the dish." "[ Brand ] Albert, may I interrupt for one minute, please ?" "People aren't gonna walk out saying, "l don't like that guy, the guy who holds the cup with one hand, with two hands."" "Absolutely." "I'LL tell you what they do have a good chance of saying." ""Where the hell is Paul Newman ?" "Where's Redford ?" "Nicholson ?"" "Jesus." " They prefer Nicholson... than the cup with the other guy." "Albert, so you keep Yeager in, but you Gotta get somebody in the movie, for Christ's sake." "You oughta add a next-door neighbor, or a boss, or a cleaning lady, somebody with a name, somebody who'd draw some people." "You've Got rock friends." "Would it be so bad to have Neil Diamond sitting in a meeting ?" "Schmuck!" "You'll make a hell of a Jot more money with Neil Diamond... than with the guy with the cup !" "Could we get back on the track ?" "I need someone to get that cup." "Stop with the cup !" "Really, I can't hear this anymore." "l-l don't know what you're talking about." " Explain to me in English, please." " All right." "Quite simply, the filming has triggered... a drastic emotional change in these people's lives." "They don't know How to deal with it, and you don't know How to." "And that's bad ?" "I don't live in a world of good and bad. I don't talk that language." "We're building a Jot of conclusions on a little bit of evidence." "Maybe what these people are going through is growth." "Maybe it's inevitable, and healthy." "Absolutely right." "Howard's right." "Excuse me. I would like to hear from Dr. Cleary." " Do you want to know what I think ?" " Yes, please." "Okay." "We get out of these people's lives." "We must get out of this house." " Oh, wait a minute." " I'm not through." "We go away at night." "We film only when scheduled." "We give them privacy and stability so when they wake up in the morning, they don't think that they're on a movie set !" "A movie set." "Martin, tell him How different this is from a movie set." "On a movie set, you Got actors that are well-known." "If they give you trouble, call their agents and put heat under their ass." "Thanks." "Look, Ted, there's no reason to get out of this house." "I spent a lot in purchasing it, and a lot decorating. it's unnecessary." " lt is very necessary." " It's not necessary." "You know How difficult it is to get wallpaper ?" "How difficult is it ?" "Very difficult !" "This is Phoenix !" "We're talking about people's lives, and you're talking about wallpaper !" "You know you spend 80%% of your life looking at walls ?" " Gentlemen, please." " [ Arguing ] I went to L.A. for that wallpaper !" " The reason" " Wait a minute." "May l" " May I please make a suggestion ?" " Who invited you into the bedroom ?" " Mr. Brooks, please ?" " What ?" "The institute has a center up in the foothills... that's used for therapy sessions, mainly for executives and clients." "I think we should consider taking the Yeagers up there for a weekend." "I think they'll open up again." "Oh, yes." "You mean like Echelon ?" "Like hot tubs ?" " Nature trails, massage." " Absolutely !" "See ?" "That's somethin' I can use !" "Great." " Thank you." " Are you crazy ?" "You wanna fly all these people to Colorado ?" " What ?" " Why don't you put 'em on drugs ?" "Give them psychiatrists." "Enroll them all in private schools." "[ Brand ] Just a minute !" "We Got a budget !" "Remember the costs, Dr. Clearson." "Please remember the costs." "Oh, yeah." "Costs." "You spend a half a million dollars on research." "I don't think you've spent a dime finding a qualified person... to head this project." "You've Got someone at the controls of a 7 4 7... who's never even flown as a passenger." "That was Airport '76." "Ted, I think I've logged more miles... than you and your entire university put together." " You're missing the point." " I'm not missing the point." "I'm a million-miler." "You know what that means ?" "I'll show you my pin." "I can get into any V.l.P. lounge in this country, Ted." "I knock, I tell 'em my name, give the pin number, sit in the lounge." "J drink coffee, eat doughnuts, and J don't have to be flying anywhere." "How many people do you know who can do that, huh ?" "How many people can go and say, "Let me in, J just wanna sit" ?" "J can do that, Ted, in O'Hare Airport." "I've taken a date there after a movie." "Just had coffee in the lounge, and I wasn't even flying anywhere !" " Missing your point !" " Albert, Albert." "Ted, Come on. l-l feel what we need Now is a break." " I'm starving." "Can we eat ?" " Great idea." "I know a great Mexican-like restaurant." "I'll treat, okay ?" "We're just gettin' all cooped up here." " Albert, I'm gonna hang up Now." " Okay, Martin." " l wanna leave you with two words." " Yeah ?" "James Caan." "is that real enough for you ?" "That's great." "Bye-bye." " Come on, Ted." " Albert, Albert." " Can I speak to you a second ?" " Come on, let's go eat." "Could you sit down for a minute ?" "Sure." "My association with this project has ended." "I'm leaving Phoenix as soon as J can." "Why ?" "'Cause we just had a little tiff?" "Come on, Ted." "Come out and eat." "You'll feel better." "No, You'll feel better." "Eating doesn't do that for me." " We're not the same person." " l have to disagree with you." "I think we're very much alike." "See, that's why we can get into these kind of debates." "I think you'd be surprised at How much alike we really are." "I'd be more than surprised." "I'd be suicidal." "Good luck to you." "Ted, may I ask a personal question ?" "Don't you like the accommodations ?" "Do you want a suite ?" "Really, sometimes two rooms can make a big difference." "You read in one and sleep in the other." "I know what a single can do." "It can get depressing." " You amaze me, truly." " Well, thank you." "But what about the Journal of American Psychology ?" "It's just possible if you leave Now, the Journal may not be thrilled with a half-assed job." "The Journal of American Psychology ?" "Are you kidding ?" "Their field is science, not buffoonery." "You take care, you hear ?" "What do you mean their field is science, Ted ?" "Wait a minute, Ted !" "Come back !" "If their field is science, what do you think this is ?" "Look, Ted !" "This is science !" "What is the institute ?" "Dry cereal, Ted ?" "Come back !" "Science !" "Look !" "It's all science !" "Ted, Come back !" "Ted ?" "I was upset... by Dr. Cleary's sudden departure." "All right !" "[ Brooks ] But it turned out to be a blessing in disguise." "We're gonna need some help." "Larry, don't worry about filming." "J think the pressure of the Journal was just too much for everyone." "Yeah, put it in your living room." "Given a little time and help from his wife and family," "Dr. Yeager started to Come out of his shell." "J was grateful, and J wanted him to know it." "Wait." "Larry, we're gonna need help, okay ?" "We'll get help in a second." " l feel guilty about taking it." " No, don't feel guilty." "Someone gave it to me." "What am I gonna do, throw it away ?" " Why can't you use it ?" " lt's very expensive." " l know." "Why don't you use it ?" " Well, it's just" "I'm in the business, you know ?" "And it's too big for me." "It just makes me insecure to see a TV that big." " But you can get anything on it." " Oh, yeah, football." "You like football ?" "The ball Comes right into your room, huh ?" " You like to go to football games ?" " Yes, I do." "Open up for me." "Season tickets." " You'll love this thing." " l love it." " lt's very expensive." " l know." "Thanks a million." "Okay, okay." "Help." "We need help." "[ Bird Chirping ]" "[ Brooks Narrating ] Well, the storm had passed." "By the middle of February, my filmmaking dream had Come true." "J had a happy family, a beautiful city... and a chance to show the French what a montage was all about." "And then, something happened." "Still moving at a leisurely pace, the Yeagers were shocked... when they picked up the Sunday edition of the Arizona Republic, dated February 1 9th." "On page one of part "B"... was the first in a series of five articles from a new book." "The book was called Nightmare in the Desert." "I'ts author, Dr. Theodore Cleary." "Apparently, Cleary took his notes from the Journal... and decided to make the fast buck." "Stringing together a bunch of familiar catchphrases..." "Like "mind control" and "psychological rape, "" "Like "mind control" and "psychological rape, "" "he wrote one of those quickie books, the kind you peddle to publishers who missed out on Watergate." "Howard, please don't Come into my house and read crap, okay ?" "If you want to do it, stay at the hotel." "Albert, you oughta read this, really." "Ask any great entertainer." "They don't read bad reviews." ""Out of sight, out of mind." Jolson said it." "He, uh-- He says you're dangerous." "They called Babe Ruth dangerous, hmm ?" "He also says you're paranoid." "They called Babe Ruth paranoid, too." "I'm making a special breakfast." "If you want to eat it, no reading." "[ Telephone Rings ]" " Hello ?" " [ Woman ] Hi." "Did you read it ?" "Hi, Mitz." "I'm reading it Now." "What do they mean, you're like prisoners of war ?" " l wanna finish reading." " What's going on over there ?" " [ Doorbell Rings ]" " I'll get it." "No, Honey." "No, l-I'll get it." "[ Doorbell ]" " Yes ?" " Mr. Yeager?" " Dr. Yeager." " I'm sorry." "Jim Sanders, Channel 5 News." "Can we Come in ?" " W-What can I do for you ?" " lt's kind of windy out there." " Mind if we Come in for a minute?" " Yeah, all right." " Thank you." " Hey, you're from TV, Channel 1 2 !" "You're close." "Channel 5." "Js that your girl?" "Yeah." "What can I do for you ?" "We're in the middle of breakfast." "Listen. I don't wanna interrupt." "You go right ahead." "We're following up on that story in the paper this morning." "You know, the one about the-the "bizarre Phoenix family."" "It looks like we Got a national news story right in our backyard here, and, well, l-l wondered if we could film you guys having breakfast." " Would that be okay ?" " Well, they're already doing it." "Oh, uh-- What's that thing ?" " lt's a camera." " Oh, yeah ?" "Look at that." " l wonder How we can work that in." " Uh, excuse me one second." "I wanna make a quick call." "W-Would you just excuse me ?" "Oh, yeah, sure." "Hey, listen." "One thing." "The paper kind of implies there's a sort of brainwashing going on here." " Would you comment on that ?" " Excuse me just one second." "Can I take that to mean yes ?" "[ Dialing Phone Number ]" " Hello ?" " Albert ?" "Warren." " Hi." " Could you Come here right away ?" " Let me eat first, babe." " No, please don't eat first." "A news crew's here from Channel 1 2." "Channel 5." " What ?" "[ Hangs Up ]" " Channel 5." "Albert ?" "Albert ?" " [ Hangs Up ]" " NO, no." "Come On." "The fella you wanna see will be right over." "Oh, yeah." "This is, uh, Ted Cleary, huh ?" " No." "Albert Brooks." " Right." " [ Sanders ] He's what ?" " [ Yeager ] How do you mean ?" "I'm tryin'to get all the positions." "So many names in that article." "l-l can't tell who was who, frankly." " May I help you ?" " Yeah." "You're Al, right ?" " I'm Albert, yes." " Hey, great." "Channel 5 News, Al." "Listen, we're doin' some follow-up on that story in the paper." " Uh-huh." " Dr. Yeager was tellin' me... that you're filming him and his family having breakfast." " Uh-huh." " l thought maybe when you're done, if you could put on another quick little breakfast for us to film," " it'd really help us out." " l beg your pardon ?" "I don't say this On every story I go Out On, but this thing feels big, it really feels good, and everybody in town's gonna be on it." "But since we're the first here, I thought we'd get something special." " Feels big, huh ?" "Feels good ?" " Oh, yeah." "Yeah." " Get out !" "You're trespassing !" " Hey, Leo !" "Get film on this guy !" "Get nothing !" "You're trespassing !" " Trespassing !" "This is a set !" " Wait a minute !" " This is a news story !" " This is copyrighted !" " Get out of here !" " Somebody's lying !" "Hum a few bars and figure it out !" "Just move !" " l want film on this guy." "No, you don't !" "Get out of here !" "I want to tell you something." "This started out to be a puff piece." "Uh-huh." "Now you Got me a little pissed off." "I'm gonna get outta here, and I'm gonna Come back with a court order !" " Court order ?" " That's right, a court order !" "I'll get the biggest lawyer in this country down to this jerkwater burg!" "You'll see a jury turn against you so fast, you won't know what hit !" " Mr. Cleary, you'll regret this." " lt's Mr. Brooks !" "And don't threaten me !" "I work much better out of pressure !" "Get Out !" "It's fine." "Go back." "Have a good breakfast." "I'll be across the street." "I'll take a shower." "[ Brooks ] The shower didn't help." "[ Horn Honking ]" "[ Man ] Mr. Yeager !" "[ Brooks Narrating ] The media stayed away from the Yeagers'house." "However, off their property they were fair game." "It started on Monday afternoon." "Coming home from lunch, Dr. and Mrs. Yeager encountered a Live Eye truck." " l don't wanna talk to you." " lt won't take long." "Come on." "People are awful worried about you." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." " Please." " Excuse us." "Come on, talk to us." "Dr. Yeager !" " [ Horn Honking ]" " Mrs. Yeager !" "[ Brooks ] Tuesday afternoon." "Wait, Mrs. Yeager !" "Are they hurting you ?" "While returning from a shopping spree," "Mrs. Yeager and the children were accosted." " Lisa, Eric." " We have a lot of viewers" "You would think the news would have something better to do... in a city this size." " l have no comment at this time." " Please, Mrs. Yeager." "Wait just a moment." "How about your children ?" "How are they holding up ?" " Everything is just fine." "Please." " How old are your children ?" "Dr. Yeager, can we get a couple of words with" "Can you take just a second ?" "Doctor ?" "Doctor ?" "What are they doin' to you ?" "Are they tryin' to hurt you ?" " Look over here, Dr. Yeager." " Are they hurting you ?" " Can you give us a minute ?" " Give me a smile." " Dr. and Mrs. Yeager." " No comment." "No comment." "Why did you Come to see this film ?" "Please, please." " Can you tell me this ?" " No comment on the film ?" " NO comment." " Will you see the second feature ?" " Kids, don't say anything." " Dr. Yeager, over here !" "Were you forced to see this movie ?" "Over here !" "As you know, Albert, some members of the institute" "[ Brooks ] An emergency meeting was called for 6.?" "00 P.M.... on Saturday the 25th." "It was requested by the head... of the National Institute of Human behavior, Dr. Isaac Steven Hayward." "...entirely a new field, the psychological" "And approved by Martin Brand, who considered the meeting important enough to call from Catalina, interrupting the first vacation he'd had in over a week." "Albert, we're known in Europe" "As J sat across the table from this man," "J was slowly losing my respect for higher education." "Also, he wore far too much cologne." "When you have a reputation in as difficult a field as this, you've Got to maintain it." "And you think something's going on here... that's preventing you from maintaining your reputation ?" " l have no opinion." " Pfft !" "But we've done a great many tests in the last five days-- from public opinion surveys to urinalyses of our own staff." "Fine." "What do the tests tell you ?" "They indicate to us that our efforts here... have Come to the end of their useful life." "Anything beyond this point would be severely counterproductive." "I see." "Now it's becoming clear." "The institute gets a little heat, and boom !" "They not only leave the kitchen, they take the kitchen with them !" "Let's consider the family for a moment." "Oh, what'd you do ?" "Run urine tests on them too ?" "We did a series on them, yes." "Thanks, Howie." "Hope you didn't get your hands wet." "[ Brand ] Come on !" "Jesus Christ!" "Look." "These people are close to complete personality disintegration." "Oh, don't make me laugh." "I don't remember a time in life... when I haven't been close to personality disintegration." "And How the hell would you know what these people are feeling, anyway ?" " From your Mickey Mouse tests ?" " Don't blame the tests." "I don't blame 'em." "They're great." "Why don't we do more, huh ?" "I bet you'd like it, wouldn't you, Noland ?" "Wanna get that cup again ?" "I'LL get you Jots of cups." "Maybe a hundred cups !" "I'll tell you something about you people." "You're great with cups, but what you don't have are balls!" "If you ask any magician, he'll tell you that cups without balls... doesn't mean jack shit !" "[ Brand ] Albert, what the hell are you talking about ?" "Look, let's not argue." "Say the family's fine." "Say the family's perfect." "Let's talk about you for a minute." "Look what you've done." "You failed, that's what you did." "You schmuck, you failed." "You started out with this reality crap, and what did you end up with ?" "The news !" "The goddamn news !" "People get that for free." "You think somebody's gonna hire a baby-sitter, take a taxicab, go all the way the hell downtown, go up to the box office, shell out four bucks... and say, "Here !" "Here !" "Here's my four dollars !" "What time does the news go on"?" ""Here." "Here's my four dollars."" "is money your entire life, Martin ?" "Money !" "Money !" "Let's talk about human beings for a minute !" "Across the street are four people." "These people had a dream." "They took on a project." "It was new, it was exciting, and it was supposed to go a whole year, not two months !" "I'm in show business." "I'm used to my commitments being dumped on." "But these people are ordinary people with ordinary feelings." "DO you wanna go across the street and tell them ?" "NO !" "You won't even Come down here !" " Do you want that responsibility ?" "Just a minute." "I think they know more than you give them credit for." "Oh, look who's talking." "The pee hoarder." "[ Doorbell ]" "Someone should answer the door." "Why ?" "Why not take a urinalysis of it ?" "Then we'll know who it is without going. lsn't that a great idea ?" "Come on, Noland!" "More data !" "More data !" "We need more data." "Come on, Dr. Cup !" "More data !" "More data, huh ?" "Get some data for me!" "More data !" "More data !" "More data !" "We need more, more." "Hi." "What a breath of fresh air." "Please, Come in." "Here are your tests, your living tests." "Dr. and Mrs. Yeager, I'm in the communications business, and it's my job to get through to these people, but J don't think I'm doing very good at it." "I don't think they understand the meaning of the word "commitment,"" "the word "dedication."" "Maybe you can explain it to them." " We wanna stop." " What ?" " This is over." " NO." "I don't wanna get into any more of your intellectual arguments." "This is ruining our lives." "This is not what we bargained for." "There was no bargaining." "You applied, we accepted." "Albert, the children are afraid to go to school." "That's normal." "Look, I don't care what you think is normal." "We no longer wanna be involved in this." "That's final." "That's it." " This was the family's decision." " Oh, I'll bet it was." " I'm sure Eric Got a full vote." " We're not gonna discuss this." "Okay, no discussion." "Just a few facts and loose ends. $25,000." "That's more than half your money was due on the completion of this film." "I don't think this is the end, and I think you're gonna have to go without the boat... and the trailer you've been talking about, and Lisa's braces." "I know something about teeth." "She may look all right Now." "In three years she'll be an elephant girl." "These Come right down to her waist." "And also, if something, God forbid, really bad happens, you have no insurance, you're not in the Screen Actors Guild," " you'll get no benefits." " Stop it!" "With what they've been through, we pay them and forget about it." "Okay, we'll forget about it." "Go ahead, take the money." "Go ahead." "I'm gonna get the family that I wanted to choose anyway." " What was their name ?" " The Feltons." "The Feltons, Wisconsin !" "That's the heart of this country." "Here's what I say." "We all take a week off." "I'll get a high colonic." "Then we'll Come back with a new family, a bigger institute" "[ Brand ] And another studio !" "We're not spending another dime on this picture !" "You're nuts to wanna do this again." "Don't call me nuts !" "You're nuts !" "You're nuts !" " You're nuts !" "You're nuts !" " You're nuts !" " You're nuts !" "You're nuts !" " Oh, you schmuck." " [ Both ] You're nuts!" " [ Brand ] I'm hangin'up !" " [ Brooks ] You're nuts!" " [ Dial Tone ]" "No, no, no !" "Wait !" "Please, wait !" "Oh, wait, wait !" "Let's think about me for just one second." "Dr. Yeager, animals don't go to movies." "You think 6,000 dogs are gonna Come out of Radio City going," ""Hmm, I didn't like the vet so much" ?" "No, no. I have to deal with people like John Simon and Rex Reed." "Have you ever met these people ?" "They're killers." "What are they gonna see ?" "January and February in Phoenix ?" "You think that's gonna do it for me ?" "I Got nothin' on you." "I Got no birthdays." "J don't have any holidays." "J Got nothing." "Where am I gonna be July 4th ?" "Sitting alone in L.A. ?" "No. I wanna be here with you, filming you." "Where am I gonna be Halloween ?" "Sitting alone ?" "No." "I wanna follow Lisa around in her cute little costume." "What about Thanksgiving ?" "I wanna see you eat the ham." "I wanna watch you carve up the ham." "And Christmas ?" "Oh, please." "I wanna be here for Christmas !" "I want that 1 2-foot tree... with the angel hair and the popcorn balls !" " [ Yeager ] Albert." " Please !" " Albert, Albert, please." " Please !" " Please, Albert." " I'm fine." "[ Sobbing ]" "Folks, we're going to need your signatures on some disclaimers, and some, uh, statements on film." "Just a few short seconds." "[ Door Opens ]" "Albert ?" "Albert, here." " What is it ?" " Valium." "Thanks." "What am I gonna wash it down with ?" "Urine, Howard ?" "Go on, Albert, take it." "It'll be good for you." "Thanks for being so considerate." "You were a big help at the table." "Why don't you get the disclaimers ?" "Just go get the disclaimers." " Okay." "Oh, my God." "Mr. Brooks ?" " How did this happen ?" " Are you okay ?" " l put some coffee on." " Thank you." "Folks, uh, if you don't mind, we'll just have you sign these." "These are standard forms relating to limitations of liability." "I'm sure you have your clients sign much the same thing, Doctor." "And while you're doing that, I'll ask you some questions... and get your answers on film." "This would normally be done at the end of the project-- which this is." "What a sad day." "I'm a big jerk." "I ruined their life." "How did I do it ?" "I didn't mean to do it." "I'm a failure." "I'm a failure." "You're not a failure." "Yes, I am." "I'm a failure." "How did it happen ?" "I had good intentions." " Hey, it can't be that bad." " Look." "You heard what he said." "His kids can't go to school." "They're all screwed up." "They'll never be the same again." "Why do I even make movies ?" "I have no right to make movies." "I shouldn't be allowed to do this." ""Did any representative of the Institute of Human Behavior..." ""at any time interfere with the normal conduct of your business... or family Life ?"" "Oh, keeping in mind... that Mr. Brooks is not connected with the Institute." " Oh, no." " You know what I Gotta go do Now ?" "I Gotta go put this on... and go down to a children's hospital and make kids laugh." " l can't do it." " Hospital?" "It's a benefit. I committed to it weeks ago, but I can't do it." "I can't be the happy clown." "What am I gonna say to 'em ?" ""Hello, kids." "My movie just Got screwed up, but that's okay." "Get well, 'cause someday you'll go out and have some jerk film you."" "Why did I pick reality ?" "Why did I pick that out of all the subjects ?" "I don't know anything about it." "What was I doing ?" "I'm a stupid, stupid jerk." ""Were you coerced in any way..." " to participate in this project ?"" " NO." "Maybe I'm overreacting." "Stop me if I do it." "I overreact a lot." "It's good, huh ?" "It's good ?" " Yeah." " l shouldn't be hard on myself." "You're right. lt's a good movie." "We Got nice things." "We Got animals, we Got kids, we Got sunny days." "What else do you want ?" "So it ended eight months early." "Like an abortion." "It's an abortion." "I'm involved in an abortion." "Oh, God, I'm in big trouble." ""You suffered no financial damage as a result of any dealings..." " with our representatives ?"" " NO." ""Nor did you assume any financial obligations..." ""which might result in any claims against the institute..." " by third parties ?"" " NO, no." "I mean, they were gonna give me a year, a whole year." "I was gonna do somethin' nice." "I was gonna end with New Year's !" "Up !" "Up !" "The beginning !" "New !" "Somethin' so audiences can go home and smile." "But this ?" ""Would this experience prejudice you against participating in... other types of audience or marketing research at some future date ?"" "I don't think so." " Well, not a live-in." " Not a live-in, no." "I never thought I'd say this." "The studio is right." "The audience loves fake." "They crave fake." "Reality sucks." "I can do fake." "I'm capable." "I just won't get a chance." "I won't ever be able to work again." " Come on, take it easy." " Okay, wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "It's not too late." "We can end this movie fake." "We can end it big." "We can end it up." "We can send the people home happy." " Mr. Brooks !" " What ?" "What ?" "There's no law that says, what, "Start real, can't end fake" ?" "What are they gonna do ?" "Put me in movie jail ?" "It's a fake jail." "What's the biggest movie ever made ?" "Come on." "We'll take, we'll borrow." "That's the meaning of art." "You borrow a little, a little, put it together, it's something new." "What's the biggest movie ?" "Star Wars." "How did it end ?" " You okay ?" " Zoom !" "They blew up a planet !" "They blew up a planet !" "Fantastic !" "We can do that !" "What's the trick ?" "How did they do it ?" "Come On !" "Help me !" ""Has your association with the institute... benefitted your life in any way ?"" "I'd like to think about that a little." " What's the second biggest film ?" " Hmm." "laws." "All right, laws." "Ooh, this is a good idea." "This is a good idea !" "I can save this picture !" "Jaws." "Oh, my God, Pete." "There is a gigantic fish at the zoo." "I remember when we were down there." "The zookeeper's a fan of mine." "He'll let us in tonight." "I can get the family down there in the middle of the night." "We'll have this confrontation-- gigantic fish, family." "They'll meet." "I'll put music behind it." "?" "Do-do, do-do, do-do Do-do, do-do, do-do ?" "I'm mentally ill." "I'm goin' nuts." "Oh, God." "What am J gonna do ?" "What's the third biggest film ?" "Gone With The Wind." "Oh, timeless, timeless film." "Beautiful film." " How did it end ?" " l didn't see it." "You didn't see it ?" "You didn't see Gone With The Wind?" "Only the biggest film ever made." "You didn't see it ?" "My God, it was spectacular, Pete." "You oughta go see it." "You're in this business." "They burn down the city of Atlanta." "A gigantic fire." "I mean" "?" "[ Theme From Gone With The Wind Begins ]" "[ Breathlessly ] I mean" " Mr. Brooks ?" " Oh !" "Mr. Brooks ?" ""Had you heard of the institute before the project began ?"" "NO." ""Which of the tests did you enjoy the most ?"" "I enjoyed working with the computers." "I wouldn't say that I enjoyed any of the testing." "is it the coffee burning ?" "No, that smells a little like toast." "You didn't put anything" "Excuse me for a second, please." " Albert, what" " Trust me !" "Albert!" " Albert, my God !" "[Jeanette ] What are you doing ?" "What are you doing ?" "lsn't it beautiful ?" "Look at that !" " The kids!" " Yeah, the kids !" "Save the kids !" "What a beautiful family !" "This family is so beautiful !" " Albert, stop !" "Are you crazy ?" " Crazy ?" "Get out !" "Go ahead, get outta here !" "Was David O. Selznick crazy ?" " [ Pete ] Albert!" " Oh, my God !" "Oh, my God, Pete !" "Pete !" " Oh, my God !" "Come here !" " [ Panicked Shouting ]" "Are you okay ?" "Look !" "Can you see it ?" "Can you see it ?" "lsn't it beautiful ?" "Focus for me !" "[ Coughing ]" " [ Pete ] J can't see!" " Jt's beautiful!" "So beautiful!" " l can't see !" " lt's beautiful !" " God, it's beautiful !" " [Jeanette ] Darling, run !" "Albert, for God's sake, get Out !" "Save them !" "Save them !" "Oh, look at 'em go !" "Oh, this is so exciting !" "This is a million times better than a big fish !" "Oh, this is so beautiful !" "We did it, Pete !" " We did it !" "We did it !" " l can't see !" " J can't see!" " We did it!" "Look at it, babe !" "It's the most spectacular ending anybody could've ever had !" "Humor !" "Pathos !" "Tragedy !" "And it's real !" "It's real !" "Their house is really burning !" "?" "[ Theme From Gone With The Wind Ends ]" "[ Siren Blaring ]" "[ Siren Blaring ]"