" Now, Mrs. Detweiler, how may I help you?" "It's about my husband." "Your late husband?" "Well, sort of." " This is sort of about your late husband?" " No, I mean my husband is sort of late." "What a pickle." "Your husband is not dead after all?" " But he is, Mr. Omar, I know he is." "Mrs. Detweiler." "Oh call me Amanda." " Mrs. Amanda, perhaps you should explain exactly what did or did not happen to your husband." " It happened last week, when Clinton was away on a business trip to Dallas, and the hotel desk clerk said he saw him leave for dinner around 7:00, but when he came back, he wasn't alone." "He was with" "A woman?" "Why, yes!" "Mr. Omar, that's uncanny!" "Oh, call it a gift." "Please, continue." " When the maid came in the next morning, no Clinton." " What of this mysterious woman?" " There was no sign of either of them." "You know the really strange part?" "They found ashes in his bed." "Ashes?" "Now what's so strange about that?" "Perhaps Mr. Detvveiler smokes in his sleep." "50 pounds of ashes?" " Hokey smokes, that's a lot of ashes." " What's more, they found these among them." "Clinton's gold watch and gold necklace." "They are valuable?" "Oh very." "Clinton would never go anywhere without them." "That's why I know something terrible has happened to my Clinton." " Oh wait, Mrs. Detweiler, these things of your husband, they are just pulsing with psychic vibrations, so I will keep them for further study." "Of course, anything!" "Before we begin, it is necessary to first seduce the spirits with a small donation." "I beg your pardon?" "Cash in advance!" "Oh, I see." "I like that one." "Oh." " This should appease the spirits from beyond, and they will give us their full cooperation." "This crystal was gotten from a tomb 2,000 years ago, but I warn you," "I must have absolute silence." "You must not speak." "Let that spirit first speaks to you." "Do you understand?" "flhundeflng)" "Champion of the abyss, hear me" "Remove the veil of the light between this world and the next." "I call into the black pit." "I am summoning Clinton Detweiler." "Clinton!" "Are you out there?" "Well, hello there, missy." "Are you from around these parts?" "Clint!" "Clint, honey!" "Is that really you?" " I don't believe I caught the name, darling." " Why Clint, it's your wife, Amanda!" " I don't get back to Dallas nearly as often as I'd like." "Gives me an excuse to get away from the old lady, you know what I mean?" "What?" "What's she like?" "Nothing special." "Why hell, she ain't half as pretty as you are." "Why you son of a bitch!" " Why ain't you the feisty little minx." "Let's say we go to my hotel room and fuss around." "Well here we are darling, the Lyndon B. Johnson suite." "Traipse your little fanny over here and I'll show you a real Texas longhorn." "Oh my god!" "Oh my god." "Oh!" "Oh that's right baby!" "Oh 0h oh oh oh ride it!" "Ride the big stallion of love!" "Yeeh aw!" "That was some mess." " If you think I'm gonna sit here and listen to you get your hog washed by some floozy, well you are sadly mistaken!" "If you see Mr. Omar in there, will you kindly tell him I can show myself out!" "Wait!" "What are you doing down there?" "Hey, watch the teeth, will you?" "Hey, cut it out!" "Hey!" "Clint, honey, what's wrong!" "He's gone." "She bit him." "She bit him in the..." "She bit him in the..." "Oh my god, she sees me!" "Get away!" "Get away fast!" "Beat it!" "No no no no no!" "What's the matter, bitch?" "I thought I told you once already to keep that big mouth shut!" "# Now I've gotta sing a song and it won't be long" "# One two" "# One two three four" "# Sucky sucky sucky sucky succubus" "# Sucky sucky sucky sucky succubus" "# Sucky sucky sucky sucky succubus" "# Suck me" "# Suck you" "# Suck your brains all out" "# 'Til you're ghostly blue" "# Look into her eyes and there's no glimmer" "# Better cross yourself 'cause she's a sinner" "# She's bound to dominate your soul" "# Sorority sister succubus" "# Rock and roll" "# If it's for the right girl you've been waiting" "# Look again 'cause she's at least with Satan" "# She's a demon force beyond control" "# Sorority sister succubus" "# Rock and roll" "# She will drag you six feet in the hole" "# Sorority sister succubus" "# Rock and roll" "# They might try to reach her" "# Now you're going to the creature" "# Forget about your wickedness" "# She sees a cross she starts to hiss" "# She sees a cross she spits out hisses" "# She's a super psycho missus" "# Better guys would think that she's a winner" "# Hide the steak knives when you're out to dinner" "# She will nibble off your crescent roll" "# Sorority sister succubus" "# Rock and roll" "# She's a teenage succubus" "# Rock and roll" "# She's a teenage succubus" "# Rock and roll" "# She's a teenage succubus" "# Bless my soul" "Could someone give me a hand?" "I said could someone give me a hand here?" "Thanks a lot!" "Huh?" "Thanks a lot." "Oh, you're welcome." " Hey kiddo, finally made it back." " You won't believe how much stuff they had there." "I could've stayed all night." "Let me guess, a flea market." "Mmmmm." "What else?" "This is becoming a compulsion." "You can't get anything else into your room and now you're starting to fill up the attic and the garage." "Oh lay off, will you?" "You gotta have your hobbies." "God knows we don't have any boyfriends." "I do, sort of." " Well, at least you got your music." "Me, I like to cook." "We know." " I don't see why Marci shouldn't feel free to collect her..." "Antiques." "Yeah." "Hey, look, all I'm saying is" "I don't want to piss off the other girls." "We barely made it into this sorority and I don't wanna get kicked out." "Oh don't worry." "Wanna see what I got?" "Sure." "Melody?" "Okay" "Look at this?" "Isn't this darling?" "I can't wait 'til the weather gets warm so I can wear it." " Boy it goes great with her eyes, doesn't it?" "I couldn't resist these." "What are they?" " Matching salt and pepper shakers." "Oh great." "We could use them the next time we entertain." " Yeah, especially if Mr. Green jeans comes over." "Aaughs)" "Hey I didn't know you wore these." "I don't." "I bought them for you." "Oh thanks!" "Break it up, you guys" "What else did you get?" " A hand-carved coconut monkey head!" "My dad bought me one like this exactly in Florida when I was six years old and then my baby brother smashed it with a hammer." "I cried for weeks." "I'll bet." "I never see these anymore." "I can't imagine why." "It would look great on top of the piano." " Oh no, no, you bought it for yourself and I think it would really look good in your room." "Don't you agree, Mickey?" "Oh yes, absolutely." "Yeah." "You're sure." "Oh yeah, trust me." "Wow, hey, is this for real?" "Yeah, it's a real crystal." "Feel how heavy it is." "Wow." "Is it magical?" "The guy who sold it to me said it once belonged to a medium." "A medium what?" "A spiritualist." "Fortune teller." "Oh." "Why did he get rid of it?" "Did he change careers?" "No, I think he died." " Do you mean I'm holding a dead medium's ball?" " Come on, Mickey, it's just a piece of glass." " I don't know, this stuff scares me." "I saw this movie once where these guys broke into this Egyptian tomb and they stole these artifacts, and this vampire lady, she put a curse on him." "What's so funny?" "You are." "You're not supposed to take that stuff seriously." "It'll rot your brain." "I don't even like those films." "One stupid zombie picture was enough for me." " I don't know, you start messing around and your head starts to do a 360, don't say I didn't warn you." " Hey, it's pretty quiet around here." "Where is everybody?" "Didn't you know?" "Everybody is gone for the weekend." "Everyone?" "Everyone except us." " Carol and Dawn went camping with their boyfriends." "Joy, Nancy, and Megan are down in Palm Springs." "Missy went to the Bahamas with her folks." "What about Cindy?" " Oh, she eloped with Bob Margola!" "No!" "Really?" " They're probably in Vegas by now." " That leaves the three of us alone for the whole weekend." " Guys, we've never had the place all to ourselves." "Seems like we ought to do something special." "Like what?" "Hey I know." "Let's have a party." "And invite who?" "Everybody's gone." "I don't mean the girls." "Let's get some guys over here." " Melody, I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but we don't know any guys." "What about Kevin?" " The one you went out with last month?" "Yeah." "Wasn't he that physics major, real shy?" "Yeah." "I had to take his hand and put it down my blouse." "Oh you never told us that!" "You hose monster!" "What happened?" "Nothing." "He got his class ring caught in my bra and it took 10 minutes to get it loose." "He ran all the way back to the dorm." " He never called you after that." "You came on too strong." "No!" "I think he was just embarrassed." " Yeah, but even if you do get him to come over, what about us?" " I'll tell him to bring two of his fraternity brothers." " Hold it, this is starting to sound like a blind date." "Hey, so what if it is?" "It beats sitting around on a Saturday night by ourselves." "What have we got to lose?" "Yeah." "Hello?" "Hello, Kevin." "This is Melody." "Melody, what a surprise." " I was wondering why you haven't called me." " I've been really busy studying for a big exam." "For a whole month?" " Actually, I was afraid that you were mad at me." "Why?" " For trying to take advantage of you." " Kevin, I practically raped you." "What's that?" "Nothing, it was just the TV." "Gosh, Melody." "Does that mean that you, you really do?" "What?" "Like me?" "Of course I like you." "Woo!" " Kevin, are you still there?" "Yes, Melody, I'm here." " Good, because there was something else" "I wanted to ask you." "Yeah, what is it?" " Me and a couple friends from Tri Eta Pi are having a party and would like you to come tonight." " Gee Melody, I don't know," "I have a big trigonometry test on Monday." "Kevin!" "All right." "All right, I'll be there." "Oh good." "If you could bring along a couple of other guys for Mickey and Marci." "Yeah, a couple of hunks!" "What?" " You don't wanna be the only boy here, do you?" "Two guys, huh?" "I might be able to find somebody." "Who are the girls?" "Do I know them?" " Yeah, I'm sure you remember Mickey." "She made President of the home economics class last fall." " Yeah, she's the one with the great big smile." "What about the other one?" "Marci." "Oh she's a history major." " I don't know any history majors." "You will after tonight." "See you at 7:00, bye." "Well?" "He's coming!" "And he's bringing a couple of guys!" "What are their names?" "Who cares?" "They're guys!" "Yeah." "Okay, here's the plan." "Mickey, you take care of the food, and Marci and I will fix up the place." "Sure thing!" "Before we get started, could you help me finish unloading the car?" "You mean there's more?" " Sure, there's lots of goodies still out there." "I never knew they made a six-foot lava lamp." " You guys are not gonna believe this." "What's up?" "Is it time for class?" " You keep reading that stuff, dude, you're gonna go blind." "Screw you, Freddy." "What's going on?" " I just got a call from Melody Hoffmyer." " The chick you struck out with last month?" "Maybe I didn't strike out." "Like I said, she called me." "So big deal?" "What's that got to do with us?" " She just invited the three of us to a party at the Tri Eta Pi house." "When?" "Tonight at 7:00." "Oh dudes!" "The Eta Pis are foxes!" " They're not all gonna be there, just Melody and two of her sisters." " That's okay, a piece of Pi apiece." " Wait a second, which two sisters?" " One of them's the girl who won that home ec award last semester?" "Thunder Thighs Johnson?" "No way, she's all yours, pal." " Oh sure, stick me with the wide ride." "Who's my date?" "The elephant man?" "She's a history major." "Her name's Marci." "Not Marci Feinberg." "You know her?" "She's in my biology class." "The glasses she wears make up half her body weight." " In case you haven't looked in the mirror lately, you're not exactly James Bond." " James Bond isn't James Bond anymore." " Look you guys, none of us are exactly the GQ types, so why don't you just go and make the best of it?" " Sure, that's easy for you to say." "You get Melody." "I get Moby Dick." "She's not so hot." "I saw her once." "You could open a beer bottle with those buckteeth of hers." " You take that back, you little squid!" "I should've known better than doing you a favor!" "What kind of favor is fixing us up with the Gorgon sisters?" "Hey look dude, if you really don't like this Marci chick, I'll take her." " And leave me with Mickey the Monster?" "Forget it." " Maybe the two of you could have an eating contest." "You and Marci deserve one another!" "You two can run off and join a sideshow as world's ugliest couple." " Who are you calling ugly, sperm breath?" " You look up ugly in the dictionary and find a picture of you!" " Oh god, that was older than your underwear." "You keep out of it!" " Not after what you said about Melody!" " Well, what have we here?" " Looks like a bunch of fags to me." " Yeah, you guys queering off down there or what?" " Hey guys, it's not what you think?" "Really?" "Looks pretty fishy to me, doesn't it, guys?" "See, me and the boys were just having a friendly little argument." " Looks a little too friendly, homo." "Back off, man." " I'd say you boys have committed a serious infraction against frat rules." "Let's say I consult the manual." "Good idea, Phil." " Any brother or brothers caught participating in any kind of homosexual activity shall have all privileges suspended pending a review and public humiliation by his or their elder brothers." " Seems like there's a new rule in that thing every time you open it." "What, you don't believe it?" "It's in there right next to the rule against bestiality." " Bud, I think we took that rule out because of the time we" "Oh yeah, I forgot." " Look, you guys, this is ridiculous." "For your information, we just got invited to a party at the Tri Eta Pi house." " Oh yeah, so how come we didn't hear about it?" " Small party, three gals and three guys." " Yeah, you have to find your own women." "Come on, they're lying." "Look, if you don't believe us, why don't you call the Eta Pis and ask them." "This alters everything." "I had no idea you were so friendly with our sorority sisters." "We'd never think to question the masculinity of any guy invited to party with the Eta Pis." "However, we do have certain rules regarding such matters." "It is strictly forbidden for any uninitiated pledge to fraternize with any member of a sister sorority." "The penalty for infringement is mandatory expulsion." "Gosh fellows, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we're gonna have to ground you for the weekend, just to make sure you wouldn't do anything that would get you kicked out of this fraternity." " Yeah, we'd hate for that to happen." "You can't do this." "You can't run our lives for us." "Yes we can." "That's the entire point of being in a fraternity." "If you don't like it, you can pack up your shit and clear out." "Have a nice evening." " Those bastards, they can't get away with this." "Oh yes they can." " As long as we're here, we gotta play it their way." "Either that or we wind up in the street." " Yeah, and the main reason we joined is the free housing." " What are you gonna do, just sit there and let them ruin our love lives?" "What love lives?" " A minute ago, you were against the whole evening." "Yeah, well that was then." "I feel like we shouldn't let those assholes push us around." "It's the principle of the thing." "Yeah!" " Okay, maybe we can sneak out without them noticing." "It's not like they're gonna be guarding our door." "Oh, and by the way, just in case you guys were thinking of doing anything to jeopardize your fraternal careers, we're gonna be standing guard outside the door here all night long." "Let's find the green ones." "What time is it now?" " It's two minutes later than the last time you asked." "8:35." "That jerk!" " Maybe they're being fashionably late." "Or fashionably not coming." " Or maybe they got run over by a bus." "Let's face the facts, some girls are popular and some aren't." "I just thought this once." "It's them!" "They're here!" "Telegram." "Dear girls, stop." "Came down with the flu, stop." "Will stop by sometime, stop." "When we stop vomiting, stop." "The guys." "PS, surprise." "What the heck!" "Sorry we're late." "It took us a while to get out of the dorm." " Yeah, we had to climb out a window." "Huh?" "I'll explain later." "Melody, this is Freddy, this is Duane." " Hi." " Hi." "Hi, I'm Mickey." "I'm Marci." "Hi." "Hi." " So, this is the Tri Eta Pi house." "Yeah, this is it." "It's nice, isn't it?" "Real nice." "Thank you." "Well is anybody hungry?" " I am!" " Yeah!" "Come on in." "# Row row row your boat gently down the stream" "# Merrily merrily merrily" "# Life is but a dream" " That one right there was my family and I at Marineland." "You see that hat that my brother's wearing in that picture, now notice he's not wearing it in this one." "It's because it fell off the side of the tank when he was leaning over and a killer whale ate it." "This one, I got water on the lens, but this here is the dancing dolphins, or is it porpoises?" "It always confuses me." "Yeah me too." " Oh and this, here's Mt." "St. Helens, but it was before it exploded." "We didn't stick around for that." " My old man thought to send me to military school because he thought I was retarded or something, not retarded, but I could only make Ds in school, so Kevin helped me study so I passed my test," "and so my old man wouldn't send me to military school, because I don't like the haircuts." "Then I passed the test." "Igota B." "You know what happened?" "No, what?" "My old man died." "Oh my god." "I'm sorry." " It's okay, he wasn't my real dad." "He's my step-dad, and besides, he drank a lot." "It just goes to show you, you can't get appreciation from anybody." "Anybody for Twister?" "Sure, okay." "Yeah!" " Hang on, girls, I'll be right with you." "Hey Duane!" "Huh?" "I told you I've never been to Marineland." "No, dude, Twister." "Huh?" " Close bodily contact with members of the opposite sex." " Oh great, if she doesn't bore me to death, she'll impale me with her glasses." "Back here, you guys!" "Left hand red." "Left hand green." "Left hand red." "Come on, you guys!" " I've always heard about this but I've never actually seen it done." "Oh it works like a charm." "His hand goes in, five minutes later, Niagara Falls." "What the fuck?" "Those sons of bitches!" "Listen to this." " How the hell did they get past us?" " They must've gone out the window." "From three floors up?" " They must've been pretty determined to go to that party." "They'll pay for this one." "What are you gonna do?" "I haven't quite decided." "It's got to be something suitable." " You gonna kick them out of the frat like you said?" "Eventually, but not before inflicting some cruel and unusual punishment, something so emotionally and psychologically damaging, it will scar them for the rest of their lives." "Sounds great." " Let's go visit the Tri Eta Pis." "That was fun!" " More fun than a barrel full of shaved apes." "What do you wanna do now?" "I don't know, maybe we could get back to the dorm pretty soon." " Oh come on, dude, don't be a party pooper." " Yeah, it's early, it's only 11:30." " All right, just a little bit longer." "Anybody got any cards?" "I've got a better idea." "Why don't we have a seance?" " Marci, what'd I tell you about that weird stuff?" "Come on, it'll be fun." "It'll give me a chance to use my crystal ball." "Crystal ball?" " She bought it at a flea market." "Count me out." "I want no part of it." " It's okay, Mickey, there's no harm in it." " What's it supposed to do anyway?" " See into another world, communicate with the dead." " Thought that's what I've been doing all night." " Hey, Kevin, come on, help me clear the table." "Yeah!" " Hey Mickey, what are you so worried about?" " I just don't like it, that's all." "It's tampering with things that man is not meant to know." "Hey, I saw that movie too." "You did?" " First I have to sit through Marci's life story in pictures while you two sing 15 choruses of Row Row Row Your Boat, and then I'm nearly crushed to death by Mickey the Monster while playing Twister," "and now I have to put up with some spook show!" "Stop your whining." "It beats the hell out of sitting around the dorm room being mentally abused by Phil and his Nazis." "Besides, I think Marci likes you." "Oh, great." " You know what they say about girls who wear glasses?" "What?" "What do they say?" "How does this work?" "Don't ask me." "Marci's the expert." "Well?" "I've never done it before." "I've only read about it in a book." "What book?" "The Complete Witch." " Oh that's it, I'm not sitting still for this." " Oh come on, Mickey, don't be a spoilsport!" " Mickey, it's okay, we're all here, nothing's gonna happen." "Okay" "Okay, how do we start?" " First we must draw a hexagram, a six-pointed star, on the table." "Oh no, the girls would freak if we mark up their dining set!" "Can't we get by without it?" " I guess so, but we have to make the room darker." "Two candles flanking the globe." "Sounds romantic." "Two candles coming up!" " I don't think we should be doing this." "It makes me feel like I should sleep with a clove of garlic under my pillow." " Like they used to ward off vampires." " I'm surprised she doesn't sleep with a whole pizza under her pillow." "Now what?" " I must incant six names of power." "Okay" "I have to look them up." " Where the hell did that come from?" " Okay, let's see, crystals, crystal gazing, see scrying." "Here we go." "Scrying." "Incantations, six names of power." " What is that, the Yellow Pages to the Twilight Zone?" "Quiet." "Elo Heem, Ado Nai, Zeboa," "Elion, Saday, Catchogramiton!" "Flhundeflng)" "Uh oh." "Everyone hold hands." "Whatever happens, do not break the circle." "What's going to happen?" " Now we must decide who and what to try to contact so we can send a spirit guide to search for them." "I had a dog I loved once." "What do you want it to do?" "Bark at you from beyond the grave?" "Hey, how about my step-dad?" "I could find out if he still wants me to go to military school." "All right." "Spirits hear me!" "Send forth one among you who can travel across your world of darkness, someone to guide us through the black abyss." " Don't forget to bring a flashlight." "~ Shh!" "Hey, that's not my step-dad." "Who are you?" " I am Omar, Guardian of the Crystal, boogie boogie." "I too in life sought to commune with the spirit world, but now I am a part of it." "What happened to you?" " There are many very strange weird and powerful forces in this world." "Some are much too terrible to learn." "I tampered with things that man was not meant to know." "I told you!" " Even now the females among you are in very great danger." "They have but one chance left to save their immortal souls." "Guys, I'm getting scared." " Why are only the girls in danger?" " Because they are much more sensitive." "They are attuned to the psychic vibrations." " What can we do to protect ourselves?" " I must pass on to you three the secret that I learned too late." "Had I known it, I would still be alive today." "Come on, what is it?" " The secret is not meant for the ears of brothers." "It is to be held by you three alone." "You must make contact with the crystal." " Wait, what about not breaking the circle?" "Do not question!" "If you do not do exactly what I say, then I cannot be held responsible for the evil that may befall you!" " Kevin, we have to do what he says." " How do you know you can trust him?" "Who would ever believe a talking head?" "You better believe me, buster." "It's almost too late!" "Reach out!" "Touch the crystal!" "That's it." "Touch the crystal." "That's it." "Careful now." "Did you really think that I would do you harm?" "Shit, you guys!" "What's happened to them?" "Melody, are you all right?" "Mmmmm." "What happened to you?" "Why, nothing." "I don't remember a thing." "You gotta be kidding." "Those lights, those voices." "What the hell did happen?" "I don't know, it's all a blur." " Don't worry, Duane, there's nothing wrong with us." " Mickey, are you sure you're okay?" "Course I am, silly." "It's so nice of you to be concerned." "I'll bet I know what you'd like about now." "What?" " Something good and sweet to eat." "How about it, guys?" " That sounds like a marvelous idea." " Something to satisfy our appetites." " Come to think of it, I could do with a bite." "Then come with me." "I've got just the thing in the kitchen." "What's the matter, Kevin?" "Aren't you hungry?" " How about some homemade peach pie?" "Mm, it looks delicious." " Kevin, do you wanna do the honors?" "Sure, I guess so." " Careful, it's very, very sharp." "~ Oh!" "Mm." "Who wants the first piece?" "I do." "Mm!" "It's all moist and sticky." "That's just how I like it." "Have some." "Sure." "Goddamn!" "Oh man!" "Goddamn!" " I never thought they had it in them!" "Who are those girls anyway?" "I've never seen them before." "Me neither." " Oh I'm sorry, I dropped some on your shirt." "Oh that's okay, no harm done." "Let me clean it off for you." "No, really, I can manage." "Let's share." "Goddamn!" "Will you shut up!" "I know every sorority girl on campus!" "They've gotta be new around here, that's all there is to it!" "Those dudes are just lucky." " I don't know, but look at it this way." "They're new around here, we don't know them, so obviously they don't know us." "They don't realize what they're missing out on." "Good point!" "Now all we've gotta do is find a way to introduce ourselves!" "This pie is fabulous." "Yeah, so is this mess." "We'll worry about that later." "It's time to get ourselves cleaned up." "Yeah." "I could do for a nice hot bubble bath." "Do you boys want to join us?" " Wouldn't it be a little crowded?" " Don't be silly, we can always squeeze you in." " Yeah, you could soap our backsides." " Oh no, we wouldn't dream of intruding on your privacy." "We wouldn't?" " But you guys go ahead, tidy up, we'll wait for you down here." "We will?" "But, but..." "Well, suit yourselves." " You boys will wait for us, won't you?" "Yes." "Oh yeah." "Don't run off." "Don't worry, we won't." "Good." "We'll be back in three shakes." "Bubble bath?" "Bubble bath!" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" " What the hell was that all about, dude?" "Why did you turn them down?" " Why did we let you turn them down?" "Are we stupid or something?" " Haven't you guys noticed something different about those girls?" " Yeah, they actually like us." " No, since first got here, they've changed." " I thought it was my imagination." " Maybe we're just getting used to them." " No, it's more than that." "Their personalities have changed." "And those bodies." "Yeah, god." " Whatever it was happened during that seance, so maybe they got possessed by something." "Get serious." " How else would you explain it?" "I don't wanna explain it." "I just wanna enjoy it." "Yeah, me too." "# Oh boy I've been sleeping with aba" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" " What makes you think there's something wrong with them?" " For one thing, the way they're acting, and another, that guy in the crystal ball, he was for real, unless you think we're all hallucinating." " Okay, suppose something has happened." "Suppose something from hell has gotten into them." "What do you expect us to do, call Ghostbusters?" "I don't know." "This is not something advanced trigonometry has prepared me for." " Well if they do have a bad case of demons, shouldn't we best clear out?" "That's not very heroic." "No, but it is smart." "Let me think." "The best thing we should do is hang around, at least 'til we figure out what we're up against." "Keep an eye on them." "Yeah." " Too bad those nerdy boys aren't here." " I think we're doing fine without them." "Wash up, dirty girl." "Delicious pie." "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "It's so sticky all over me." "I'm so sticky too." "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" " Well, so much for not intruding on their privacy." " Guys, this is for their own good." "We owe it to them to make sure they're all right." "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "Well are they all right?" "All right!" "All right!" "Let me see!" "# Yumpin yiminy suck on my chimney" "Holy shit!" "This is great!" "Give me a turn, dude!" "Wait a second!" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "Oh wow!" "Look at all those bubbles!" "You've had long enough!" " No way, dude, find your own keyhole!" "I was here first!" " Knock it off, you guys, they'll hear us." "So what?" "I don't think they're very shy to me." "That's my point." "Do you still think those are the same three girls who invited us over here tonight?" " I don't know, but I'm starting not to care." "You better care." "Something is very wrong here." "Who knows what they're capable of?" "I'd love to find out." " That's the last thing we should do." "Under no circumstances should any of us let them touch us." "We have got to stay cool." "# In Sweden we have no AIDS" " All right, guys, we gotta work out a plan." " Did you see the hooters on these babes?" " I know, I know, but first things first, we gotta get those turds out of there!" "Oh yeah, I forgot." " Why don't we just kick the door out and drag them out?" " No, and risk spoiling the girls' mood." "No, this calls for some covert activity." "Huh?" "Sneaky stuff." "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" "# Yumpin' yiminy suck on my chimney" " I don't know how you expect me to handle it if Marci starts coming on to me!" "Try not to think about sex." "That's easy for you to say!" "Think about something else." "Think about baseball." "Baseball, yeah!" "Getting to first base, second base, slamming it home, going all the way!" " On second thought, forget baseball." " Freddy, will you come help me with something in my room?" "Oh please?" "What do I do?" " Go with her, but remember what I said." "Keep cool and hands off." "Right." " Do you think he can handle it alone?" "I hope so." "We can't let them get us all hot and bothered." "Speaking of hot and bothered," "I'm gonna go get a drink of water." "You want anything?" "No, I'm fine." "Do you want to play with me?" "My mommy and daddy are gone and we're all alone." "Let's play doctor." "Come on, we can do it in the backyard." "Someone's coming." "What the hell?" "When this is all over, we're gonna have to have a long talk with those guys." "Hey Mickey, where'd you go?" "Here!" "You Tarzan." "Me Jane." "Let's get primitive." " Now it's my turn to examine you." " Look, why don't we play a different game?" "How about hide and seek?" "Do I get to be it?" "Sure." "You count to 10 and I'll go hide." "One two three four five six" "Hold on, give me a chance." "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight nine 10." "Ready or not, here I come." "Let me go!" "Let me go!" "Good." "Now let's go get the other two." " You son of a bitch, Get me out of here!" "Are you still hungry?" "Not really." "Good." " I think I hear a cheetah calling!" "It's a white rhino!" "Where?" "Duane, come on out." "I don't wanna play this anymore." "Duane, where are you?" "Come on out this instant!" " Okay, I'm gonna kill him." "I'm gonna kill him as soon as I get out of here!" "Two down, one to go." "Where's M'?" "He must've started without us." "Looks like I'll have to give him a good tongue lashing." "You taste so good." "Nothing but USDA prime baby." "I want more." "Help yourself." "Oh shit!" "Hi." "Melody, are you all right?" "Mmmmm." "Would you like to hear some music?" "Sure, I guess so." "Hit it!" "# You left me for another guy" "# Cuter than I" "# He's a Santa Monica Boulevard Boy" "# Hanging out with the boys at the store" "# He's a Santa Monica Boulevard Boy" "IActing much more than poised" "# When he flexes his muscles it makes you wanna hah" "# When he wiggles his hips it's got you in a fix" "# He's a Santa Monica Boulevard boy" "# Hanging out with the boys at the store" "# He's a Santa Monica Boulevard boy" "IActing much more than poised" "# He's a Santa Monica Boulevard boy" "# Hanging out with his boys at the store" "# He's a Santa Monica Boulevard boy" "IActing much more than poised" "# I always knew you were strange" "# The way your hair's arranged" "# The way your shorts are tight" "# The way you have a red cherry hide" "# Santa Monica Boulevard boy" "# Hanging out with the boys at the store" "# Santa Monica Boulevard boy" "IActing much more than poised" "# You never know what you'll find" "# On the corner of Aspen and Vine" "# You never know what you'll do" "# When you're guy likes boys instead of you" "# He's a Santa Monica Boulevard boy" "# Hanging out with the boys at the store" "# Santa Monica Boulevard boy" "# He's acting much more than poised" "# Santa Monica boy" "# I want you" "# Santa Monica boy" "# Please come back" "# Santa Monica boy" "# Come on" "# Boulevard boy" "Hi." "Why hello." "Where did you come from?" "Oh me, I'm a plumber." "Somebody called about a leaky faucet." "You don't say." " Yeah, normally I'd ask them to bring it in, but since I was in the neighborhood..." " You thought you'd make a house call?" "Yeah, something like that." " Did you remember to bring your snake?" " I never go anywhere without my snake." "Oh good, because while you're here," "I'd like for you to check out my pipes." "I'd love to." "Surprise surprise, if it isn't the president of the Hitler youth." "This time you've gone too far." " That's where you're wrong, friend." "It's you three who have gone too far." "Disobeying a direct order from a senior fraternity brother, what would the manual say about this?" " You know where you can stick that manual, dude." "Where's the rest of the goon squad?" " Oh I imagine they're making the acquaintance of the Tri Eta Pis even ask we speak." "The girls?" "You son of a bitch!" " Don't worry, we'll make your apologies for having to leave early." " Listen, Phil, I know we've broke the rules, we deserve what's coming to us, but I have gotta warn you about those girls." "What's the matter with them?" "They got a disease?" "Worse than that, dickhead!" "They're possessed!" "Yeah, right." "We're serious." "There was a seance with this crystal ball and they started acting strange." " The only thing strange is why three gorgeous dolls would waste their time on losers like you." "But never fear, we'll take care of that." "Stay away from them." "They are evil." "You're so big and strong." "Have you ever done any acting?" "Me?" "No, what do you mean?" " 'Cause I wanna give you a bit part." "That sounds great." "A bit What?" "Holy shit, not that!" " I don't care whether you believe us or not." "I'm just telling you to stay away from those girls." " You're not in a position to tell me anything." "It's your ass, dude." " Yeah, well as much as I'd love to stand around and listen to ghost stories all night," "I'm afraid I must leave you gentlemen." "You see, I'm not too keen on sloppy seconds." "Why you, I ought to!" " I'll be back to settle it with you later!" "Goon head!" "Booger head!" "Mine got away." "Mine didn't." " Don't tell me you're the maid." " Don't tell me you're another plumber." "He's cute." " If I knew the Eta Pis were this friendly," "I'd have stopped by sooner." "Well save some for Marci." "Who's Marci?" "I am." "My goodness." "Don't you look young and innocent?" "Oh my" "Quit it!" "Maybe next time you can knock really something heavy onto my head!" "Quit complaining." "I'm trying to help us out here." " Yeah, we're all in this together." "Don't remind me." "Try and shift around behind me and undo these ropes." " If Houdini here would get his foot out of my ass, maybe I could!" " Hey, watch what you're grabbing!" "How can I?" "I think I've got it!" "I don't think you've got it." "This is my room." "Who's your decorator?" "Marci did it all by herself." "She likes to collect things." "Sounds like fun." "Have a seat." "I'm gonna slip into something comfortable." " You girls like to play with things too?" "Yeah." " What have you got for us to play with?" " Something firm, hard, throbbing?" " I think I can manage something like that." "It's party time." "Hey, what's going on?" " Well, you asked us if we liked to play with things." " Yeah, but those are some serious looking toys." "You're not planning any rough stuff, are you?" "What's the matter, big boy?" "Can't you take it?" "Hey, I can take anything." "Long as it doesn't hurt too much." " Baby, you always hurt the ones you love." " Now hold on girls, can't we talk this over?" "Ow!" "Sounds fun, but ah!" "Ah, cut it out!" "Ah!" "Whoa whoa!" "Ah!" "Whoa no, man!" "Hey, ah!" "No no no, not in the face!" " Why didn't you tell us you had a Swiss army knife in your jockey shorts?" "Sorry, dude, I forgot." "Forget about it, let's go." " Hey that sounds like Phil's voice." " Sounds like it's coming from down there, come on." "Ladies, cut it out!" "Aren't you getting tired of this?" "Not me!" "I could go on all night!" "Please stop!" "I'll do anything you want!" "_ Anything?" "Yes, just untie me!" "I can't do that." "You can't?" " No, you might try to run away and spoil our fun." "Fun?" "You call this fun?" "What kind of girls are you, anyway?" " Why, what kind of girls do you think we are?" "That's more like it." "What have we got in here?" " Something I know you'll all enjoy." "I'll bet." "Don't fight over it." "There's plenty to go around." " We were hoping you'd say that." " Oh Jesus, what have you got in mind?" "No please, don't!" "Shit!" "Holy cow!" "Did you see what happened?" " Yeah, she bit him in the cahones and that was the end of him." "He just disintegrated." "He should've listened to us." " They sure made an ash out of him." " We have got to do something about this." "Yeah but what?" "Can you imagine telling this to the cops'?" "I know." "We can't do anything to hurt the girls either." "Remember, it's not their fault." "It's whatever's inside them." " Maybe we should get their stomachs pumped." "That won't work." "We need an exorcist or something." " That's it, that's what'll do it." " Just where are we gonna find one?" "In the Yellow Pages?" "Don't be a moron." "I think what we need to do is contact a church or a synagogue, something like that." " Don't you think it's late to be going around waking up priests?" " This is an emergency, isn't it?" "Here it is, exorcist." "What?" "Let me see." "Lanchester Perin, exorcist, specializing in demons, hobgoblins, and poltergeist." "Satisfaction guaranteed, all major credit cards accepted." "Only in California." "Someone's coming!" "Grab the phone!" "Jesus that was close!" " Quick, dial the phone, before someone else comes!" "Good, it's ringing." "Hello?" "Yes, I'm in need of an exorcism." "No no, not me personally." "Demon possession I think." "Urgent?" "Yeah, I'd say it was urgent." "No, tomorrow afternoon is too late." "Can't you come tonight?" "Time and a half after midnight?" "All right, look, never mind the cost." "Just get over to and meet us in the garage, okay?" "Thanks." "He's on his way." "Great." "Let's get out of here!" "~ Yes?" "You called for an exorcist?" "Yeah." "Lancester Perin." "Thank goodness you're here." "My name's Kevin, this is Freddy, and this is Duane." "Nice to meet you." "Where's the spook?" "In the house." "There are three of them." " No one told me anything about three." "That's going to cost extra." "Okay, fine." " Wait a minute, how do we know this guy's for real?" "You doubt my credibility?" "I'll have you know I'm a leading authority of the supernatural in North American, second only to Van Helsing in the entire world." "Calm down, dude." "Don't piss this guy off." "He's our only hope." " He looks like a wacko to me." "What do you expect from an exorcist who takes American Express?" "Besides, what choice have we got?" "Heart pills?" "Breath mints." "I had shawarma for dinner." "Let's get started." "Look, now before we begin," "I must know some of the details, the age and sex of the possessed." "About 19 or 20, all females." " When was it that they displayed the first signs of abnormality?" " Earlier this evening we were playing a game using a crystal ball." " That's nothing to be playing with." "I remember a 12-year-old back East, couldn't keep her hands off the Ouija board." "The next thing you know, she was talking like a sailor, spitting up pea soup, and jacking off with religious artifacts." "That sounds familiar." "Were you involved with that?" "Was I involved?" "I performed the exorcism myself." "But did I get any credit for it?" "Did I get any royalties?" "No." "I didn't even get invited to the preview, ungrateful bastards." " Father, let's get back to business." " I'm not your father, you little shit." "I'm not even a priest!" "Calm down, take it easy, dude." "Now, where were we?" "Oh yes, and in what ways have these spirits manifested themselves?" "They seem to be pretty horny." " Hmm, increased sexual appetite." "I'll say." "They're like animals." " That may be a number of things." "What else have they done?" "They disintegrated our friend." "Actually that's not true." "They didn't disintegrate him?" "No, he wasn't our friend." "In fact, he was an asshole." "He sure was." "How did this happen?" "They bit him." " They bit his dork and he crumbled to dust." "Oh my god." " I know, it's pretty disgusting." "That's not what I mean." "This is no ordinary demon you have here." "This is a succubus." "A succu what?" "A succubus." "It is an evil spirit who seeks to satisfy its incredible lust with mortal men, destroying them in the process." " That sounds like it, all right." "You mean there are three of them?" "There's probably only one, but it can possess a body of many at the same time." "How do we get rid of it?" " First I must exorcise it from the girls' bodies." "Otherwise, if any harm comes to the succubus, it would affect them as well." "And once it's out of them?" " Then we must fight it in its true form." "That's easier said than done." "Now the succubus, like its male counterpart, the incubus, is of the lowest order of demons." "It's thick-skinned and stupid, but they've been known to put up quite a battle." "What should we do?" " I will need all of you on hand to assist me." "I'm not going into this alone." "This is an ornery mother." "I will need a variety of herbs." " Mickey's got a spice rack in the kitchen." "I'll go get it." " We should also have something to confine the spirits with." "They won't sit still for an exorcism." " I think I saw some rope back here." "What do you want me to do?" " You may have the most important job of all." "Someone has to distract the demon while we secure it." "You mean be a decoy?" "No way, not me." "You get yourself another boy." "Good, no one home." "Gonna get out of this alive." "Yoohoo, anyone home?" "Come out come out wherever you are." "Where are you, my little succubuses?" "Is it succubi?" "Step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly." " Looks like the prodigal pledge has returned." " And just in time for dessert." " Look girls, can we talk this over?" "Gotta run!" "Here they come!" "Now!" "You want a date, sailor?" "How long is your girdle?" "Maybe we can play Dr. Vanishing." "Come on, handsome." "How can you stand it?" "Stand what?" " Untie us, we'll take you all on." "We'll make you feel like real men!" " That, how can you listen to it?" "The first rule of exorcism is never fraternize with demons." "No matter what they say, always ignore them." "Give it to me." "Give me your throbbing python of love." "Yes baby, let me do a valor on your wing wang." "Isn't it hard?" "Isn't it hard to ignore them?" "It takes years of practice and almost superhuman discipline to resist their wiles." "Of course if you have an old war wound like mine, it can be pretty easy." "Be gone, hear me, demon from Hell!" "I exorcise you from the bodies of these innocent ones." "Blow it out your ass!" " Linger no longer in these mortal shells!" "I cast you out." "Your mother wears army boots." " I don't think they're taking this in the proper spirits." "I wonder if it's gonna work!" "Get out of here, you old bat!" "It's the first of the month and I'm kicking you out!" "Hit the bricks!" "Be gone!" "Never dock your towels again." " Why don't you sit on that thing?" "Scram!" "Or are you too ashamed to show your ugly face?" "You did it!" " That wasn't as hard as I thought." "Dudes, what's happening?" "It's not over yet." "I thought you destroyed it!" " I told you, getting rid of a succubus isn't that easy!" "Now that it doesn't inhabit a human host anymore, it's going to try to destroy every soul it comes in contact with before moving on." " Whose souls are you talking about?" "Ours." "You never mentioned that part." "It's too late now." "Look!" "Who dares to challenge me?" "I dare to challenge you!" "I and all the forces of good." " Well, so much for the forces of good." "Let's get out of here!" "Oh Christ, it's locked." "No one will leave here!" "You will all die!" "So long as I live and breathe, you won't harm another living soul, hideous hag from Hell!" " Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." " Well, this ought to hurt you, douchebag." "Give me the herbs." "It didn't work." "The potion didn't work!" " You think that your backyard hulu is any match for me?" "Get in line, boys, you're going on a one-way trip to Lucifer land!" "Kevin." "The crystal is the source of her power." "Destroy it and she'll be trapped forever in limbo." "Who asked you, sister?" "Didn't your mommy ever teach you not to be a tattletale?" "That's it!" "We've got to smash that crystal." "You and what army?" "Just who do you think you're screwing around with here?" "I don't know who you are, but you look like one gnarly old bitch to me!" "Kevin." " You'll regret that remark, short stuff." "Says you." " Yeah, why don't you take your face in for a retread." " Now you're really pissing me off!" "I'll fry your lungs with tempura!" "Who's first!" " Kevin, remember the winning homecoming play?" "I sure do." "29." "45." "17." "Hike hike!" "' Way to 90, dude!" "' My hero!" "Do you feel any different?" "No, not at all." "I just can't remember anything that happened." "Me either." "I've got this funny taste in my mouth." "Me too." "Don't worry about that." "It's all over now." " And at least a couple of good things came out of it." "Really, like what?" "We'll tell you later." "Hey wait, don't go." "I have to." "I'll send you my bill." "Why don't you stick around?" " Yeah, there might be some pie left." "I really have to go." "I have an appointment at dawn tomorrow, a vampire staking in the valley." " You don't wanna be late for that." "Or too early either." "Bye!" "What do we do now?" " I don't know if I mentioned it before, but does anybody like to play Twister!" "Right foot green." " You're doing this on purpose." "The board's bad." "Okay, right foot red." "Wait, wait, wait." "# Incredible incredible incredible incredible" "# Incredible incredible" "# Two-headed transplant" "# Incredible incredible incredible incredible" "# Incredible incredible" "# Two-headed transplant" "# Born in the chaos with science gone awry" "# The gene's what lies behind the microscopic eye" "# With bloodstained hands the surgeon's underneath the gun" "# A stitch in time you'll die" "# Two heads are best than none" "# Incredible incredible incredible incredible" "# Incredible incredible" "# Two-headed transplant" "# Incredible incredible incredible incredible" "# Incredible incredible" "# Two-headed transplant" "# Shamefully I called her she said you kids into town" "# She goes to see a friend" "# And hears that he's been drowned" "# Fell asleep on the RTT and I" "# Missed all my stops" "# Woke up at a gypsy storefront" "# Where the witches shop" "# They had assorted notions potions and lotions" "# For when you love big six" "# Pulled out my credit card" "# Guess what I picked" "# I got a brain in a jar" "# Keep it under my bed" "# I got a brain in a jar" "# I have nicknamed him Fred" "# He gets me lots of girls" "# Who come to see" "# My biological" "# Curiosity" "# Brain" "# Jar" "# Fred" "# Brain jar Fred yeah"