"Hey, partner." "Hold on there, just a second." "Where are you headed, there?" "Where are you headed up to?" "How are you doing there, bud?" "Huh?" "Are you okay?" "Where are you headed?" "You headed down the road, there, huh?" "Huh?" "Where are you coming from?" "Yeah?" "There he is." "Thank you." "Well, there's the man of the hour." "The what?" "The man of the hour." "I..." "I don't know." "So, you told the sheriff that you were walking to Nebraska?" "That's right." "To get my million dollars." "What million dollars?" ""We are now authorized to pay one million dollars" ""to Woodrow T. Grant of Billings, Montana."" "Let me see that." "And your mother won't take me." ""Mega Sweepstakes Marketing."" "Dad, this is a total come-on." "It's..." "It's one of the oldest gimmicks in the book." "I didn't even know they still did it anymore." "Well, they can't say it if it's not true." "They're just trying to sell you magazines." "It says I won." "So, mail it in." "I'll help you." "I'm not trusting the mail with a million dollars." "You dumb cluck." "You pretty near gave me a heart attack!" "Just cool your jets." "This is the second time he's tried to sneak out." "I never knew the son of a bitch even wanted to be a millionaire." "He should have thought about that years ago and worked for it." "What would you do with a million dollars anyway, Dad?" "Buy a new truck." "You can't drive." "I'll get my license back." "Tell me when you do, so I can stay off the road." "I need an air compressor, too." "Are you still harping on that?" "Ed Pegram still has mine." "That's because he's a thief." "He's not a thief." "I lent it to him." "Who's Ed Pegram?" "A guy I knew back in Hawthorne." "And when did he borrow it?" "'74." "That's almost 40 years." "He lives two states away." "I'd say he stole it." "That's why I need a new one." "Where are you off to now?" "Sitting down." "He even sleeps with that stupid letter." "He's memorized it word for word." "I didn't think he could memorize anything anymore." "Hey, what's with this casserole?" "Oh, it's lasagna." "It's still good, take it." "You know what I'd do with a million dollars?" "I'd put him in a home." "But that's not to say that I can't set you up with a whole lot more reasonable speakers that'll still blow your mind if you're worried that the Wilsons or Paradigms are going to set you back too much." "You know, the way they design speakers anymore..." "You can't make a mistake." "Okay." "All right, well, yeah, let's..." "We need to discuss it and we'll get back to you." " Oh." " I'll let you know." "Let me, uh, give you a card." "Give me a call any time if you have any more questions." " All right, thank you." "Excellent." "Mark, Janice, a pleasure." ""Janice."" ""Janice." Sorry." "David." "Call, line one." "David Grant." "Call, line one." "Where did they find him this time?" "Way the hell out on King Avenue by the Albertsons." "I can't take it anymore." "Ross is in there, trying to talk some sense into him." "Ross." "Hi, David." "What's going on, Dad?" "Ask Ma and Ross." "They seem to know it all." "I'm asking you." "Can't get her to turn over." "That's because ifs been sitting there for 10 years." "Oh, I'll get it running." "He still thinks he's going to Lincoln to get his money." "Hey, Dad, how come you didn't fix the truck first or take a bus?" "Why did you just start walking?" "Don't pull his chain like that." "The poor guy doesn't know what's going on half the time." "I cut the solenoid wire and stuck it back in so that'll slow him down." "And Mom's right." "It's time to think about a home." "She can't handle him anymore." "It's not fair to her." "No." "He doesn't need a nursing home." "He just..." "The guy just needs something to live for." "That's all this is about." "Yeah, and it's pathetic." "Seems like drinking always gave him more than enough to live for until now." "Mom and I are looking at reality, and you'd better start, too." "A home is in his best interests." "Which, let's face it, is a hell of a lot more than he ever thought about with us." "He never gave a shit about you or me." "I saw you anchoring the other night." " Nice job." " Thanks." "It's your first time in the chair, right?" "Yeah, Kelly Ann Castillo called in sick, so they let me fill in." "And apparently I didn't stink the place up too bad, so..." "Tom Brokaw." "The new Tom Brokaw of Billings." "I don't know about "Tom Brokaw" exactly, but, yeah, ifs looking pretty good." "I've paid my dues." "Plus, Kelly Ann's got a pretty bad infection, so..." "Bu!" "opponents, led by Councilman Barry Tilden, claim the plan is a "Pie in the Big Sky idea"" "that will cost taxpayers more than it's worth." "The Council is expected to debate the propose!" "In Monday's session." "Coming up next, in sports..." "Carter brings us the story of a Hardin snowmobiler who may have lost his legs, but not his will to compete." "That, and more, after the break." "Stay with us." "Hi." "Are you moving back in?" "No, these are yours." "I'm just returning them." "Oh, right." "Thanks." "You want to come in?" "David, you need to water these plants." "These are plants." "I'd like you to change your mind." "What does that mean?" "You know what it means." "I want you to move back in." "But I just moved out." "So, two years and we're back to dating?" "I don't know yet." "We'll find out in a while." "Are we still having sex?" "I've got to go." "Wait, wait." "Wait, wait, wait." "Come on." "Are you saying that we can't be together again unless we get married?" "Get married, break up..." "I don't know." "Let's do both." "Let's..." "Let's do something." "Pick up or call me back," " right now." " Shit." "I don't know what I'm going to do with him." "I'm going to put him in a..." "Hi, Mom." "I'm here." "Dad." "Dad!" "Leave me alone." "Come on, let me take you home." "I'm going to Lincoln if it's the last thing I do." "I don't care what you people think." "Listen to me." "You didn't win anything." "It's a complete scam." "So you've got to stop this, okay?" "I'm running out of time." "You don't even have a suitcase." "I'm not staying there." "Dad." "I can't let you go." "It's none of your business." "Yes, it is." "I'm your son." "Well, then why don't you take me?" "I can't just drop everything and drive to Lincoln, Nebraska." "Oh." "What else you got going on?" "Have you lost your marbles, too?" "Get your father out of your car this goddamned instant." "You need to help me." "I'm the one who does all the work around here." "Your father just sits there." "Look at him." "He's useless." "His mother spoiled him." "Mom, don't worry, okay?" "We'll only be gone a couple of days." "Why don't you just enjoy the time alone?" "You always complain about having him around." "What about your job?" "Well, I told them I was sick." "Sick in the head." "I'm going to tell Ross to call you." "He'll back me up." "Right." "Sounds great." "Bye, Mom." "You're just like your father." "Stubborn as a mule!" "Let me know when you get tired." "I'll drive." "You can't drive." "I can drive a hell of a lot better than that moron." "All right, Dad." "I can drive a hell of a lot better than that moron." "Shit." "Jesus Christ, Dad, what are you doing here?" "Oh." "I got thirsty." "Well, good to see you're not drinking." "Beer ain't "drinking."" "Let's go." " Hey, Dad." " Yeah?" "How about we go see Mount Rushmore?" "We don't have time for that." "It's just 30 minutes off the Interstate." "We're right here." "It's just a bunch of rocks." "So, what do you think, Dad?" "It doesn't look finished to me." "How do you mean?" "Well, looks like somebody got bored doing it." "Washington's the only one with any clothes, and they're just kind of roughed in." "Lincoln doesn't even have an ear." "Okay, we've seen it." "Dad?" "Dad?" "Come here." "Oh, Jesus." "Oh, Dad." "I'm fine." "Go back to bed." "All right, sir." "Are you hanging with me?" "Mmm." "Let me know if I'm hurting you, bud." "Mmm." "Don't worry about it." "Almost done." "All right, sir." "That ought to pretty much do it." "You did great." "Give me a second." "Where's my teeth?" "You lost your teeth?" "Did you leave them at the motel?" "No." "The tavern?" "I wasn't in no tavern." "Did you leave them at the place where they serve alcohol that you don't call a tavern?" "Must have been when I fell by the tracks." "Gentlemen, thank you for your patience." "Considering it's a pretty bad head wound, his age, his confusion, and his history of drinking," "I really think we should keep him in the hospital a day or so for observation." "I don't drink." "You hear that, Dad?" "We won't be making Lincoln by Friday." "We have until Monday." "We're going to take you back home." "I'm not going home." "No, I can't wait until Monday." "That means I wouldn't be back at work until Wednesday." "Selling record players." "I won a million dollars." "Congratulations." "That will just about pay for a day in the hospital." "Dad." "Dad." "Dad." "Hey, I looked, but I couldn't find your teeth anywhere." "They're by the tracks." "Listen, Mom talked to Uncle Ray and Aunt Martha, and they're going to put us up in Hawthorne over the weekend." "I don't want to go to Hawthorne." "There's no sense going to Lincoln over the weekend." "I will get you there Monday morning." "Anyway, Aunt Martha said she'd invite all your brothers over and have a little get-together on Sunday." "Mom's coming down on the bus, maybe Ross and Marcie, too." "It'll be nice." "I don't want to go to Hawthorne." "Oh!" "Okay!" "Dad, I found it!" "Here it is!" "Oh, wait." "This isn't yours." "I was kidding." "Here." "These ain't mine." "Of course they're yours." "No." "Whose else is it going to be?" " See if it fits." " They're not my teeth." "They have to be." "I ought to know my own teeth." "Of course they're my teeth." "Don't be a moron." "Well, hello there, boys!" " Hey, Aunt Martha." " Hi." "Woody!" "Martha." "Davey!" "Look at you, Davey." "You couldn't have been more than 15 the last time you were here." "That was what I was saying to Dad." "It's been a long time." "Well, what do you got to say for yourself, Woody?" "Nothing." "What did you do to your head?" "Fell." "You Grant brothers sure are men of few words." "Come on in." "Look who I found hanging around out front, Ray." "Your little brother, Woody." "What's up, Woody?" "Nothing." "How about you?" "Not much." "Hi, Uncle Ray." "You have a latrine?" "Uh, around the corner, to your left." "You boys remember your cousin David?" " Bart." " Hey." " Cole." " Hey." "It's been a long time since we all met as kids." "What are you guys up to?" "Not much." "This economy has just tore up Hawthorne, Davey." "Things are hard for young men." "Yeah, I'm in the home theater and electronics business myself." "It's a rough time, I'll tell you that." "Cole, here, did some jail." "Don't bring that up." "Bitch lied through her teeth." "I will not have that language in my house." "Sorry, Mom." "Now, Davey, you sit down." "You must be starving." "I made sandwiches." "So, how long did it take you to get here?" "I don't know." "Uh..." "We got sort of waylaid in Rapid City." "That's where Dad had his little accident." "But how long, total?" "Um..." "A couple of days, I guess." " From Billings?" " Yeah." "How far is that?" "It's probably about, uh, 750 miles." "It took you two days to drive 750 miles?" "What were you driving, a dump truck or something?" "It's a Subaru." "Outback." "Hell, I drove up from Dallas one time." "That's 850 miles." "I done that in eight hours." "That's, like, over 100 miles an hour." "Oh, Bart was moving." "Here you go, Davey." "Dig in." "Thank you." "Shit, two days from Montana." "Son of a bitch must have been driving in reverse." "Ray's foot's been bothering him." "Ain't that right, Ray?" "It's okay." "Just hurts." "Did you get that, Dad?" " Dad?" " Huh?" "Uncle Ray's foot hurts." "I know." "Everything else good, though?" "Uncle Ray?" "Not really." "Kate says they got Ross on the news out there." "Says he's doing real good." "Yup." "Yeah, he's doing great." "Well, good for him." "He always was a go-getter, wasn't he?" "Yup." "Two goddamn days from Billings!" "I used to own this garage." "Own it?" "I thought the air compressor guy did." "Ed Pegram?" "Yeah, I thought he owned it." "We were partners." "Oh." "What happened?" "Sold it to him." "For how much?" "$800." " You need something?" " Oh, hi, yeah." "My dad, here, used to own this place." "Oh, yeah?" "What you fellows got going on, here?" "Oh, we're just replacing a transmission cooler line." " You know Ed Pegram?" " Who?" "Ed Pegram." "Used to own this place with me." "We don't know him." "Hey, bud." "You're using the wrong wrench." "Come on, Dad." "Let's get going." "Good talking to you." "Moron was using the wrong wrench." "Let's see if I know anyone in here." "It's pretty quiet in here." "Hi, fellas." "What can I get for you today?" "Beer." "Okay, what kind of beer would you like?" "Anything's fine." "Coors, if you got it." "I'll have a Mountain Dew." "Okay, we're out of Coors." "The truck doesn't come in until Monday." "Bud's good." "Bud and a Dew, coming up." "Tom Varnik still own this place?" "I don't remember that name." "It must have been before my time." "Here we go, guys." "Anything else I can get for you right now?" "No, ma'am." "Okay, holler if you need something." "I used to know everyone in here." "It's where you had your first drink?" "No." "Dad used to let me sip his beer." "So, I guess you kept up that fine family tradition with Ross and me." "You liked it, as I recall." "I was, like, six." "A sip of beer ain't going to kill you when you're six years old." "I thought you drank." "Come on." "Have a beer with your old man." "Be somebody." "I've been trying to give it up." "What for?" "It was starting to..." "It just wasn't helping." "And now you're all right." " Excuse me." " Yeah." "Can I have a beer, too, please?" "You betcha." "I'm going to drink with my dad." "I didn't tell you that Noel and I broke up." "Who?" "Noel." "The girl I've been living with for the past two years." "She moved out." "We broke up." "Oh." "Maybe I should have asked her to get married." "I don't know." "I just..." "I just never felt sure, you know what I mean?" "How are you supposed to know when you're sure?" "Were you sure?" "Huh?" "How did you and Mom end up getting married?" "Oh, she wanted to." "And you didn't?" "I figured, what the hell." "Were you ever sorry you married her?" "All the time." "Could have been worse." "You must have been in love." "At least, at first." "Never came up." "Did you ever talk about having kids?" "How many you wanted and stuff like that?" "Nope." "Then why did you have us?" "Because I like to screw." "And your mother is a Catholic." "So, you figure it out." "So, you and Mom never actually talked about whether you wanted kids or not?" "I figured if we kept on screwing, we would end up with a couple of you." "Did you ever think about leaving her?" "Oh, I would just end up with somebody else who would give me shit all the time." "Yeah, you would." "Yeah." "I'd say she's put up with your drinking all these years." "I don't drink that much." " You're an alcoholic." " Bullshit." "Oh, what do you mean, "bullshit"?" "I knew you had a problem when I was eight." "I used to watch you hide your booze in the garage." "Yeah, you stole it, too." "I figured it was you." "You cost me a lot of money." "Yeah, I poured it out because I was sick of seeing you drunk all the time." "I figured it was you." "You would never catch your brother sneaking around like that." "I served my country." "I Pay my taxes." "And I got a right to do whatever the goddamn hell I want." "So, I guess you do drink." " A little bit." " A lot." "All right." "So, I drink a lot!" "God damn it, so what?" "You do what you want to do, and so do I." "You would drink, too, if you were married to your mother." "And it ain't your job to tell me what to do, you little cocksucker." "Dad." "Dad." "Dad!" "What?" "Should I take you back to Ray and Martha's?" "I don't know." "Say, don't you owe me a couple of bucks?" "Christ Almighty, it's Woody Grant." "I don't believe it!" "How the hell are you, Woody?" "God, I never thought I'd see you back in Hawthorne." "Fellas, say hello to my old friend Woody." "Hello, Woody." "Yeah!" "Move over." "Move over." "Sit down, sit down." "I don't believe this." "Jesus Christ, Woody." "So, how you been?" " Pretty good." " Yeah?" "Me, too." "I can't complain." "Boy, it's been a long time, Woody." "A long time." "Hi, I'm David, Woody's son." "Oh." "Ed Pegram." "Ed Pegram?" "Davey?" "Oh, no shit." "How you doing, guy?" "You know, the last time I saw you, you was just a little shaver." "I used to give you candy bars down at the garage when you were about this high." "Thank you." "And apparently, my dad used to give you air compressors." "How's that?" "Nothing." "Hey, Dad, I'm going to the bathroom." "Don't say anything about the money." "Huh?" "Don't say anything about the money." "You still living up in Billings?" "Yeah." "What brings you down here?" "I'm just passing through." "Goddamn, Woody Grant is a millionaire!" "Who would have thought it, huh?" "The next round is on Woody." "Come on, Dad." "Did you see the look on their faces?" "Yeah, I saw." "Did you see the look on those fellas, faces?" "Well, good morning, boys." "Slept in a little late, did you?" "Morning." "Davey, get yourself a chair from over there." "And Woody, you sit right on down here." "Right there, yeah." "Hungry?" "Yeah, but it would be great if you have some, uh..." "Some coffee." "Got a call from Lowell Meyerson this morning." "And Mary Jurak." "Woody, here, is the talk of the town." "Is that right?" "Why didn't you tell us you was rich, Woody?" "David said not to." "He's not rich." "You could have told us the real reason you were coming through town." "We're just tickled for you." "You got it on you?" "Yeah, we sure would like to see what a million dollars looks like." "We still got to go to Lincoln to get it." "Goddamn, you hit the Powerball!" "Whoo!" "Show us the ticket, Uncle Woody." "Honestly, he didn't win anything." "I didn't win anything." "I don't blame you, Woody." "I wouldn't broadcast it either." "Not until I had it in the bank." "You have to watch out for buzzards, too." "Bart and me, we can drive you." "Sure." "We could get you to Lincoln in an hour." "Lincoln is over 200 miles." "Okay, an hour-and-a-half." "How long would it take you?" "A day-and-a-half." "Must be nice, winning that kind of scratch." "We're real proud of you, Woody." "And I know Ma and Pa would've been real proud, too." "Hell, yeah, it must be nice." "Is it nice, Dad?" "Is what nice?" "Winning all that money?" "Yeah, pretty nice." "Hey there, Woody." "Remember me?" "Bernie Bowen, how you doing?" "Pretty good." "That's what I hear." "Everybody's saying how Woody Grant's a millionaire." "Well, that's the most exciting news around here for ages!" "It's no big deal." "No big deal?" "Jeez!" "There's a guy living the life of Reilly." "A million here, a million there." "Oh, the newspaper's gonna do a big write-up on you." "I'm gonna get my picture in the paper?" "You bet you will." "Dad, here's the bus." "Okay." "Well, good seeing you then, Woody." "We're all real happy for you and real pleased you thought to stop back home and share the big news." "Thanks, Bernie." "Hey, watch your wallet!" "Thank you." "You're welcome." "You both look like hell." "I'm fine." "Like hell, you are." "You look like an old drunk." "You're lucky you're not dead." "I haven't been drinking!" "That's what you said on our first date!" "And you." "Have you gone bananas?" "Almost getting your father killed over some cockamamie pot of gold." "Mom, come here, please." "Mom, look." "Go easy on the guy, okay?" "I mean, you and I both know that this is not about the money." "It's about, you know, how much longer is he going to be around?" "At least, semi-coherently." "What's the harm in letting him have his little fantasy for just a couple more days?" "You and Ross, always fretting over your father." "What about me?" "What about taking me out to see my sister in Eau Claire?" "Your father doesn't even know what the hell's going on around him half the time." "Do you, Woody?" "Do I what?" "Know what's going on around you?" "You watch it, or that's what you're gonna turn into." "Now, take me out to the cemetery." "I want to pay my respects." "Martha said she'd have lunch ready." "Martha can wait." "Mom." "Car's over there." "There's Woody's mother, Sara." "She hated me." "She wanted him to marry someone who would milk the cows." "I said, "I ain't fiddling with no cow titties." ""I'm a city girl."" "The good Lord did not do Sara any favors in the looks department." "More a man's face than a woman's, really." "How did she die?" "Saw herself in the mirror one day." "No." "Cancer!" "And there's the old Swede, Tolf." "Good man, your grandpa." "Never said much." "That farm just ruined him." "You're lucky I took you away from there." "And there's Woody's brother, David." "You were named after him." "He died of scarlet fever when he was only two." "Woody slept in the same bed with him and never got it." "There's Woody's little sister, Rose." "She was only 19 when she was killed in a car wreck near Wausa." " What a whore." " Mom..." "No, I liked Rose." "But, my God, she was a slut." " Come on." " I'm just telling you the truth." "She was screwing guys in the back of Hawthorne Creamery when she was only 15." "Come on, Mom." "Jesus." "Where's your family?" "Oh." "They're over in the Catholic cemetery." "Catholics wouldn't be caught dead around all these damn Lutherans." "Here's Delmer, Woody's cousin." "He was a drunk." "One time, we were wrestling, and he felt me up." "Grabbed a handful of boob, and Woody was right there and didn't have a clue." " Did you, Woody?" " Jesus, Mom." "Well, my goodness." "I didn't know Keith White was here." "When did he die?" "Keith White." "He wanted in my pants, too, but he was so boring." "See what you could've had, Keith, if you hadn't talked about wheat all the lime?" "Oh!" "Peggy Huntsucker is pregnant." "Peggy got knocked up again?" " Yeah." " At her age?" "That old cow must be 50." "She just looks 50." "That's what pig farming will do to you." "So, you got any other cars?" "No, just that one." "What's the engine?" "It's a four-cylinder." "Yeah, but what size?" "Oh, I don't really know." "What's your brother drive?" "Who, Ross?" "Yeah." "What does he..." "What does he drive?" "Ross has a Kia Rondo, and Marcie has a Nissan Pathfinder, because she carts the kids around a lot." "So, you all got Jap cars?" "Actually, Kia is Korean." "Hey, is this where I can find Mr. Woody Grant?" "Who wants to know?" "Um, I was sent by Mrs. Nagy at the Hawthorne Republican to take his picture." "Yeah, he's here." "And they want him to be sure to drop by the office for an interview." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Yes?" "Hi, are you Mrs. Nagy?" "Yes." "I'm David Grant, Woody Grant's son." "Oh!" "I'm very pleased to meet you." "Your father is certainly quite the celebrity around here." "That's what I came to tell you about." "Dad didn't win any lottery, or sweepstakes, or anything." "He's a little confused about something he got in the mail, and it's gotten way out of hand." "So, he didn't win a million dollars?" "No, ma'am." "It just goes to show you, some things never change." "He was always a little confused." "Oh." "You knew my dad?" "It's ancient history now, and I don't want to speak out of turn, but Woody and I used to go together." "You were his girlfriend?" "That's right." "What happened?" "Your mother is what happened." "How is Kate?" "Fine." "She's here, too." "You tell her Peg Bender says hello." "Okay." "She won't slap me, will she?" "Why would she?" "She won." "It's water under the bridge." "Don't get me wrong, I married a wonderful man." "We ran this newspaper together until he died." "Had three children, eight grandchildren." "I've got no complaints." "Was Woody drinking back then?" "Of course he was." "It happens early around here." "There's really not much else to do." "Nowadays, of course, ifs not just the booze, but all the other stuff." "For Woody, it got bad after Korea." "He had a hard time over there." "I thought he was just a mechanic." "He was, for the army planes." "But he was shot down, being transferred." "You knew that, right?" "Thank you." "Oh." "Here it is." " Woody, Ray and Albert." " Wow!" "Wow, they look like kids." "Your dad was never much of a talker, and when he came back, he hardly said a word." "But always very kind." "People took advantage of him." "He just couldn't turn down a favor." "Now that everyone thinks he's a millionaire, he's a big hero around here." "Well, I'm sorry I can't print that he is, but I won't print that he isn't, either." "I'll just do a little story on him and Kate stopping through town." "It's hard to imagine you and my mother fighting over the same man." "I knew I didn't have a chance, anyway." "Yeah?" "I wouldn't let him round the bases." "You say go slow" "I fall behind" "What are you having, old man?" "Meatloaf." "You've been staring at that menu for 10 minutes." "Where does it say "meatloaf"?" "They ought to have meatloaf." "Well, they don't, so pick something else." "Are we ready to order?" "Oh, I knew it." "Dad, do you know what you want?" "Do you have meatloaf?" "No, I'm sorry, we don't." "That's only on the lunch buffet." "Chicken, then." "Do you want the fried chicken, or the flame-broiled chicken breast?" " Fried." " He'll have the flame-broiled." "And for you, ma'am?" "I was thinking about having the roast beef, but now I'm not sure." "What do you recommend?" "What's good here?" "It's all good, but I'm kind of partial to the tilapia." "No, I want the roast beef." "I'll have the tilapia." "Don't forget to help yourselves to the soup and salad bar." "On a cold and gray Chicago morning" "A poor little baby child is born in the ghetto" "That's Ed Pegram singing." "And his mamma cries" "'Cause if there's one thing that she don't need" "It's another hungry mouth to feed" "In the ghetto" "People don't you understand" "He always did have a nice voice." "It was the only nice thing about that bastard." " He's all right." " "All right"?" "Did you know that he was always trying to get in my bloomers?" "Jesus, Mom." "Was the whole town trying to seduce you?" "These boys grow up staring at the rear ends of cows and pigs." "It's only natural that a real woman will get them chafing their pants." "Mom, please don't talk about that kind of stuff right before we eat." "You were always such a sensitive boy." "And such a beautiful boy." "Why, when you were a baby, people used to stop me on the street and tell me how beautiful you were." "A lot of them thought you were a girl." "Isn't that right, Woody?" "I don't know." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I have an announcement to make." "We have a celebrity in our midst this evening." "My good friend and the rich man you've all been hearing about..." "Mr. Woody Grant!" "Stand up and take a bow, Woody." " Stand up, Dad." " Huh?" "Don't encourage this nonsense." "Dad, stand up." "Stand up, it's for you." "Just do it and get it over with." "Take a bow, Woody!" "Hey!" "Okay, you ham, that's enough." "Roslyn, you're going to be getting a big tip from that table tonight." "Hey, little Davey!" "Hello, Mr. Pegram." "I was hoping I'd run into you." "Oh, yeah?" "What can I do for you?" "I just wanted you to know, I think the world of Woody." "Always a good man." "Thank you." "Heart of gold." "Uh, it's no secret, though..." "He drank quite a bit when we had the garage, and he messed up a lot of jobs, and let lots of money walk." "He was older than me." "Kind of like a big brother." "Korea vet, the whole nine yards." "And I wanted to show him some respect, so I loaned him a ton of dough, and I never saw it again." "So, seeing as how he's come into some cash lately, some no-fooling-around cash that he didn't even have to work for..." "It seems to me only fair if we settled up." "So, you want your $800 back." "Woody owes me a lot more than that." "I'm sorry to break it to you, but my dad didn't win anything." "It's all a big misunderstanding." "You know Woody, you can understand that." "Right, so you're all headed down to Lincoln to visit the roller skating museum, huh?" "Look, Davey, I really don't want to have to bring a lawyer into this." "Lawyer?" "What's the statute of limitations on bullshit?" "Davey, Davey." "I'm a man with a real strong sense of right and wrong." "And if Woody hit it rich and I don't see any of it that would be wrong." "And I will make it right." "Are you threatening my family?" "Threatening?" "No, that would be wrong." "Hey, I'm the victim, here." "It's just food for thought." "Now, if you'll excuse me," "I've got to take a leak real bad." "You know beer, you just rent the stuff." "Great to see you again, Woody." "We're real happy for you." "Buy a boat and go fishing." "That's what I'd do." "I just might." "David, you probably don't remember" "Kathy and Dale Slaasted." " Oh, David." " Hi." "How are you?" "David Grant." "I never would've recognized you in a million years." "You were such a beautiful little boy." "I keep telling him." "You see?" "Like a little prince made out of porcelain." "Thank you." "Well, you all take care." "Oh, and enjoy spending the loot." "Enjoy." "I just had an interesting conversation with Ed Pegram in the men's room." "What did he want?" "Some of Dad's money." "I can loan him a couple bucks if he's hard up." "Like hell, you will." "Hey, you." "Wake up!" "Wake up." "Now." "What's up, Dad?" "What's wrong?" "Are we going to Lincoln today?" "Tomorrow." "Why not today?" "Today is Sunday." "Lincoln is closed." "And all your brothers are coming over today." "Remember?" "Some of them are dead." "The dead ones won't be here." "Oh." "But God damn it." "If I don't get to that money, they're gonna give it to somebody else." "Hey, Dad." "Do you remember a gal you used to go out with named Peg Bender?" " Who?" " Peg Bender." "I don't know." "When?" "Last week." "What do you mean, "When"?" "Years ago, before you were married." "It was a long time ago." "What are you bringing that up for?" "Snap to Cutler." "Back on five, tight pocket." "Throws it over the middle, batted up in the air by Aromashodu." "He makes the grab and a first down to midfield." "Left to the 45." "Leaping to the 40." "Hit hard from behind to the Lion 38-yard-line." "Great hands!" "Devin Aromashodu batted it to himself, and it's a first down to the Bears." "I didn't see your boys out there, Martha." "Where are Cole and Ban?" "Oh, they're out volunteering today." "Picking up trash, out on the highway." "They'll be home in time for supper." "That's nice." "It's community service, on account of Colds rape." "Sexual assault, not rape." "Well, what's the difference?" "There's a big difference." "Cole can explain it better than I can." "And Bart doesn't have to be there." "He's volunteering." "Oh, that's nice!" "Bears come out for their third possession." "Hey, for a limited time," "Ruth's Chris Steak House is offering Ruth's Classic." "Verne, do you still drive a Chevy?" "A what?" "A Chevy." "That Impala you used to have." "I never had an Impala." "Well, hell, I don't know what it was, then." "I had a Buick." "That's what it was." "Are you still driving that?" "I haven't had that for years." "I thought you still had it." "It was a '78, wasn't it?" "'79." "'79." "Those were good cars." "It was okay." "They don't make them like that anymore." "Those cars will run forever." "Whatever happened to it?" "It stopped running." "Well, they'll do that." "Hello!" "Come in!" "Oh." "Hey, everybody." "Hi, Ross." "How about Marcie and the kids?" "Uh..." "Dance recital." "Who's playing?" "Chicago and Detroit." "How long did it take you to drive?" "So, Uncle Woody, did you get over and talk to the newspaper yet?" "Not yet." "They sent a kid around to take my picture." "I went by the office and gave them the lowdown." "What's it like being a millionaire, Woody?" "It's okay." "A million dollars." "Can you beat that?" "Let's raise a glass to Kate and Woody, here." "To Kate and Woody!" "Not to be a spoilsport, but you all know this is bull." "I mean, Dad didn't win anything." "Nice try, Ross." "Yeah, we're way beyond that." "Ross is right." "He didn't." "Trying to keep it quiet, so everybody don't come around looking for a handout, huh, Kate?" "That's good thinking." "No, that's right." "Woody ain't no millionaire yet." "We all got to remember that." "But come tomorrow, that's a different story." "What's the first thing you're going to do with the money, Woody?" "The very first thing." "Get a truck." "And a compressor." "What the hell are you gonna do with a compressor?" "I need it to paint." "Are you still working, Woody?" "No." "He just needs to replace the compressor that Ed Pegram stole." "Why don't you just go down and get it from him while you're in town?" "Huh." "David, let's go get it." "You boys will do no such thing." "Get yourselves shot for an old piece of garbage?" "Am I the only sane one in this family?" "Okay, Mom." "Fine." "But, hey, Ross," "I was thinking we could take a drive later, and see Dad's old house." "The old Grant house." "Do you think it's still there?" "Dan Conway farms the place, but he never tore it down." "It's still sitting there." "Why would you want to waste your time seeing that?" "Must be filled with rats." "Dad, want to take a drive later and see the old homestead?" "The what?" "David and I want to go see where you grew up." "What for?" "What's Uncle Albert doing?" "He's watching cars go by." "Remember when they came out to visit when we were kids, and he'd take a chair out in the front yard every evening to watch the road?" "Oh, yeah." "Hi, David." "Hi, ROSS." "It sure is good to see you boys again." "We just can't let this much time pass again." " Yeah." " Yeah, thanks, Aunt Betty." "It's great seeing you again, too." "But there is something, and it's kind of hard to bring up." "We feel it deserves mentioning." "What's that?" "Well..." "Well, you may not know it, but Woody always had a lot of money problems, and the family would help him out from time to time." "So, in light of his good fortune..." "Well, we thought your family might want to make things right." "I've been hearing that a lot lately." "You know, Cole's and my folks would never say nothing if it was just for them, but they're gonna need in on this deal, too." "Are you saying you want money from us?" "Oh, we just figured, seeing as how the family took care of Woody and all, and kept him on his feet." "Verne and I loaned Woody quite a bit, and it wasn't like we was rich." "But he was my brother-in-law, and we couldn't stand to see the family suffer." "Look, Aunt Betty, and, guys, hey, for real, honestly, right?" "Woody didn't win anything." "This is a total sham." "You're a damn liar!" "Don't feed us any of your bullshit, Ross." "You want to go?" "Let's do it!" "Hey, hey, hey!" "Hey!" "Hey, watch my face, okay?" "I'm on TV." "Get him, Bart!" "What's going on?" "Have you boys lost your minds?" "Aunt Betty and her henchmen here are asking for reparations." "For what?" "They're after Dad's "winnings." Right?" "They say we owe them money." "See?" "There is money." ""Owe them money?" "What on Earth are you talking about, Betty?" "Now, Kate, you know we helped you and Woody out when he was drinking up everything he earned." "You know as well as I do it was the other way around." "You were always having him work on your cars for free, getting free gas." "Aunt Kate, we're not asking for much." "Just a token." "I kept records." "The money you gave him didn't come close to what you owed." "He couldn't say "no" to anybody, and it ruined him." "I think you're having a senior moment, here, Kate." "Just where do you think that money come from when you got a bee in your bonnet to move up to Billings and open up that salon?" "From my folks when they croaked, that's where!" "I don't believe the nerve of you people." "Usually a person has to die before the vultures start circling." "Calm down, Aunt Katie." "We didn't mean nothing by it." "We was just doing you a courtesy before we go talk to Woody direct." "Don't you dare think about asking that poor man for money." "He ain't poor." "He's rich." "Even if he was, he wouldn't give you a blessed penny." "I'd put my foot down!" "Maybe it ain't up to you, Aunt Kate." "That's enough." "You listen real good." "You can all just go fuck yourselves!" "Boys, get your dad." "What do you think, old man?" "Looks about the same." "That's true." "This is about how your mother kept it." "My dad built this place." "Really?" "Wait." "You don't mean, by himself?" "Yeah." "Before I was born." "His brothers helped." "I got it, I got it." "This was my room." "That's where Woody's brother David died." "Do you remember that, Dad?" "I was there." "This was my parents' room." "I'd get whipped if they found me in here." "I guess nobody's gonna whip me now." "The barn is still standing." "Have you seen enough?" "I suppose." "It's just a bunch of old wood and some weeds." "Did you ever want a farm like your dad?" "I don't remember." "And it doesn't matter." "Oh, there's the O'Hara farm." "She's dead." "He's in a nursing home in Valentine." "And one of their little brats still lives there." "Oh, and there's Ed Pegram's place on the right." "What are you doing?" "Let's do it." "We're right here." "What are you boys up to now?" "Hey, Dad, don't you want to see if he still has your compressor?" "Will you two knock off this foolishness?" "Hey, Dad, you finally got your compressor back." "That's not my compressor." "Sure it is." "Mine didn't look anything like that." "It..." "It has to be yours." "It's an old compressor we found in Ed Pegram's barn." "That wasn't Ed's barn." "What are you talking about?" "That's the Westendorf place." "Oh, that's right." "Right, the Westendorfs." "The Pegrams live closer to town." "Oh, I got confused." "Ed and his wife Dorothy." "God, what a pig she was." "Anything you want to say about the Westendorfs?" "No, they're good folks." "They had some tough times." "They lost a child." "Almost went broke, but they worked hard and saved the farm." "Salt of the Earth, the Westendorfs." "They really didn't deserve what you boys did to them." "Dad, why didn't you tell us that wasn't Ed's house?" "I didn't know what the hell you were doing." "Have you ever seen us steal machinery before?" "Well, I never know what you boys are up to." "Well, why didn't you say it wasn't yours?" "I thought you wanted it." "What do we want an old compressor for?" "That's what I couldn't figure out." "Hi, George." "Hi, Jean." "Remember us?" "Kate and Woody Grant?" "Oh, sure." "How you doing?" "Just fine." "We were passing by and thought we'd stop in." "Haven't been in Hawthorne for a long time." "Well, what are you doing in the back seat?" "Uh..." "We were just resting back here until you showed up." "You want to come in for a visit?" "Sorry, we just have time to say hi and get going." "Hi there, Woody." "How you doing?" "Good, George." "How about yourself?" "Getting by." "You still up there in Montana?" "Yep." "Billings, isn't it?" "That's right." "You still fixing hair out there, Kate?" "No, I let that go." "Oh, you did." "Well, good to see you folks." "I'd better get up front and drive us back to town." " It's so good to see you." " Good to see you." "Call us sometime." "I will." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye." "You were right, Mom." "The Westendorfs look like real nice people." "I tried to tell you." "What do you want to do now, bust into a silo and steal some corn?" " Let me drive." " No, I'll drive." "What time do you figure we'll be shoving off in the morning?" "I think 8:00 sounds about right." "You want another beer?" "I suppose." "Hey there, Davey-boy, make some room." "How's it going, cowboy?" "Well, it was going fine." "Woody." "Ed." "Well, enough of this chit-chat, ifs time to get down to business." "Woody, I tried to tell your boy that you wouldn't mind using some of your winnings to even the score with your old pal Ed." "Well, how much you need?" "I got a 20." "A 20?" "No, no, no." "No, no." "I was thinking more along the lines of, say... 10 grand." "Give him 10 grand, Dad." "I don't got it yet." "Woody..." "I always thought we was friends." "Remember, I was the one that convinced you to stay with Kate." "Oh, yeah, Davey." "Your dad wanted to get a divorce because he was screwing some half-breed down at the reservation." "He thought he was in love." "Ain't that right, Woody?" "When was this, Dad?" "After Ross was born." "Before you." "You know, if I hadn't been around, you might not even be here." "Back then, divorce was a sin." "Nowadays, I guess it's okay." "God must have changed his mind or something." "Although, I really didn't blame you, Woody, because Kate was..." "Was always a bitch." "Get the hell away from us." "I want that money." "Move." "Okay, little Davey." "Have it your way." "But, uh, this is the last time that old Eddie-boy is gonna play nice." "I got it!" "I got it!" "Dad, are you okay?" "They took my letter." "Hey, David." "Where is it?" "Where's what?" "Just give it back." "I don't know what you're talking about, buddy." "Cole, do you know?" "Of course not." "Where is it?" "We don't got it." "Shut the fuck up, Cole!" "We tossed it when we saw how bogus it was." "A millionaire?" "What a joke." "You people are pathetic." "I won't mention any of this to Mom or Ross." "We'll just tell them that you came to your senses, and we'll head back home." "Sound good?" "It's okay." "At least we had a little change of scenery." "And I'm happy that we got this time together." "Aren't you?" "Maybe they dropped it." "Should we go have a look?" "I think it was easier to find your teeth." "Hey, Dad." "Let's take a break." "Now, just imagine what you could do with one million dollars, Woodrow." "But we all know what the son of a bitch would do." "He'd buy a truck." "Oh." ""To collect your prize" ""you just have to return this letter" ""to our office, along with your winning prize number" ""and a list of the magazine subscriptions you would like."" "Oh, hey there, Woody!" "I was just looking for you." "Somebody found your precious sweepstakes notice out on the street." "You better take better care of this, Woody." "You wouldn't want to lose it again." "Dad, what's the matter?" "I'm dizzy." "Okay." "Let's get you to a doctor." "Come on." "Get me back to the house." "We're going to Lincoln in the morning." "No, we're not going to Lincoln." "Yes, we are." "No." "Come on." "Let me sit down a minute." "Okay." "Dad, this is it, okay?" "This is where it stops." "Your head is busted open, and now you can barely stand up." "You promised." "You didn't win!" "Okay?" "Can't you get that through your head?" "And we're not driving down to Lincoln over a stupid fantasy!" "It's my own damn fault for taking you this far." "You've got enough money to get by." "You can't drive." "What's the point?" "I want a new truck." "Why do you need a truck so bad?" "Just to have it." "I always wanted a brand-new truck." "Well, what about the rest of the money?" "You don't need a million dollars for a damn pickup truck." "It's for you boys." "I wanted to leave you something." "We're fine, Dad." "We don't need it." "I just wanted to leave you something." "You know if there was any chance you won, I'd take you." "You know that, right?" "I wouldn't lie to you." "I know." "Look, the only reason I agreed to take you to Lincoln was to get out of Billings for a while, and maybe have some time with you." "And to get you to shut up." "All right." "All right, what?" "I'll shut up." "And what about Lincoln?" "We don't have to go." "Good." "Dad!" "Dad." "Hey." "So, they can keep him here until tomorrow afternoon or so." "And then I guess we'll just start driving home." "We'll probably see you Tuesday night." "Okay." "Thanks, David." "Mom and I will head out early tomorrow morning." "I have to get back, so..." "And I'm gonna have to listen to him harp about losing his fortune for the rest of his life." "Or my life." "He's gonna bury me at this rate." "You big idiot." "You want this open or closed?" "Might as well close it." "Dad?" "Wait, Dad." "Dad." "You can't go in like that." "Come on, you have to get your robe off." "Here." "Come back here." "Hi." "Can I help you?" "Hi." "My father is here to collect his million dollars." "Dad, give me the letter." "I'm sorry, your number wasn't one of the winning numbers." "Looks like you didn't win." "But it says I won." "It says you won if your number is one of the winning numbers." "I'm sorry, sir." "I hope you guys didn't have to come too far." "Montana." "Oh, my." "Well, Dad, I guess that's it." "I can give you a free gift, like a hat or a seat cushion." "You want a hat or a seat cushion?" "Huh?" "Do you want a hat or a seat cushion?" "A hat." "He'll take the hat." "Does this happen a lot?" "Yeah." "Every once in a while." "Usually older people like your father." "Does he have Alzheimer's?" "He just believes stuff that people tell him." "Oh." "That's too bad." "Yeah." "Thank you." "Dad?" "Dad." "I'm here." "We're going back to Billings, okay?" "Okay." "We might make a couple quick stops first." "Whatever you want." "I don't understand what's happening with your car." "Well, they made me a real good offer for it." "It's not much of a car." "Yeah, this truck is a real step up." "It's only five years old." "It's practically brand-new." "Oh, and I hope you don't mind..." "I put your name on the title." "My name is on the title, you say?" "Yeah, but you're gonna have to let me drive it." "You work out something with the prize people?" "Yeah." "They were willing to go as far as the truck." "Come on, get in." "Okay, Dad, it's your turn to drive." "You said I couldn't." "Just drive it down Locust Street." "It's only a few blocks." "There's no traffic." "Come on." "It's your truck." "Hey, there!" "Looking good, Woody!" "Get down." " What?" " God damn it!" "Get down!" "Looking good!" "So long, Albert." "So long, Woody."