"The One With The Fake Party" "What is it hon?" "I-I can't find anything that I want to eat!" "Everything I eat makes me nauseous!" "I'm telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake?" "ooh!" "Cake!" "No." "Aww, honey I'm sorry." "God!" "Ooh!" "What is that smell?" "It's coming from the bathroom." "Ooh!" "Wow!" "Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings." " Yeah?" " It's me." "It's Phoebe." "Listen there's something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?" "Is it the shampoo?" "It's guava." "No!" "Oh!" "Wait-wait!" "Is it my bologna sandwich?" "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "I can't believe it!" "The baby wants bologna!" "Maybe he wants me to eat meat?" "I can't eat meat!" "Oh, wait-wait!" "Maybe it's a pickle?" "!" "What are you writing?" "Well, Joshua's coming in tomorrow and since I don't have the guts to ask him out," " I'm going to sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket." " Oh yeah?" "Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you never go out of style?" "what did you throw away?" " Hi guys!" " Hey!" " Hey, what have you guys been up too?" "Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum." "Without me?" "!" " My uncle dragged us there." "But, it actually it turned out to be really interesting." " Yeah." "They were so ornate and beautiful, I mean look at that!" "I don't know how museums work in England but, here, you're not supposed to take stuff." "I uh, I got it from the gift shop." "They have really lax security there." "It's a joke." "Bye." "Right, I've got to be off, I'll see ya." "Buh-bye then." "Bye-bye" "Wow!" "You guys seem to be having a good time." "Oh yeah, she's-she's amazing." "And-and she's so much fun." "And!" "Y'know what?" "When I'm with her, I'm fun!" "I even signed up for helicopter classes." "She's leaving in two days, I don't have to do it." "Oh no, two days, you must be bummed." "Yeah, she's got to go back to London." "But you know what?" "I've been prepared for this from the start." "We both knew we had two weeks together, and that's it." "Y'know." "Hey that's what all my relationships are like." "Yes, but in Ross's case, they both know in two weeks that's it." "Pheebs!" " Hey!" " Hello!" "Hello!" " Yes!" "I know!" "I know!" "Yeah!" "So the baby is totally craving meat." "This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make it think it was getting meat, y'know?" "And I got nauseous." "Maybe that's because soy-burgers suck!" "Being pregnant is tough on your tummy." "Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow." "That's sweat." "You throw up all morning, you'll have that glow too." "Okay!" "Oh, here's that trench-coat that you wanted." "Oh great!" "Wow!" "Yeah, it's comfortable." "Yeah?" "Man, I could really flash somebody in this thing." "Oh no-no, no-no, they don't want you to put your hands in the pockets until you are out of the store." "Why not?" "!" "Well, because we gotta a lot of..." "Y'know, they ruin it for everybody." "I know!" "Y'know, I wore that cashmere sweater on a date last night." "Oh?" "Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce." "Well, congratulations, so do you love her?" "No, no, no, she's nice but, y'know, it just it made me realize that I'm just not, I'm just not ready to be dating, y'know?" "Huh." "Well, uh, that's uh, that's interesting." "Hey-whoa-hey-hey, what was that?" "Oh, it's just an anti-theft device." "Then uh, what's-what's this?" "You need that, you need that too 'cause obviously, a thief could just tear this up." "Oops." "Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight!" "Actually, we have to have one in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans." " What are you talking about?" " Yeah, what's going on?" "We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily." "But it's actually for Joshua." "Look, he said he's not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I creat the perfect opportunity to seduce him!" "Well, as much as I'd like to meet Josh and warn him," "Emily and I aren't going to be here." "All right?" "I mean, she's going to come by first to say good-bye, and then I've got a whole special evening planns." "So I'm sorry, no party." "Hello?" "Surprise!" "Surprise!" "No one's ever thrown me a surprise party before!" "Well, it was all Ross's idea." "You're so sweet!" "And I'm so surprised!" "You really didn't know?" "Why are you over here if Joshua is all the way over there?" "Uhh, because I'm trying to play hard to get." "Oh, quick he's looking over here, say something funny." "Like what?" "What-what-what is so funny?" "I said, "Like what?"" "Now that's a thinker." "Okay, y'know what, y'know what?" "This playing hard to get thing is not working." "Umm, hand-hand me those cherries." "Okay." "Okay." " Hi!" " Hi!" "Care for a cherry?" " Oh, no thanks." " No?" "Y'know, I can tie one of these into a knot using just my tongue." "You okay?" "You all right?" "So we should probably get going soon." "Oh, but the party's only just getting started!" "Yeah, but we-we have to be at the Four Seasons for drinks in 15 minutes and then y'know, then The Plaza for dinner." "So why did you plan a party at the same time?" "No-no-no, no, umm, actually American surprise parties are-are-are very short." "It's usually, "Surprise!" And then, "Oh my God, I'm so surprised?" "good-bye!"" "But Ross, I'm such having a great time!" "Your sister has just been telling me that you used to dress up like little, old ladies and hold make-believe tea parties." "Monica said that did she?" "Ooh, yeah." "Then what are you going to put on top of that?" "A little salami." "Ooh yeah!" "Then umm, what goes on top of the salami?" "Pastrami." "Oooh, yeah." "You're a genius." " Oh, could somebody give me a hand with this zipper?" " Yeah." "Up!" "You changed?" "Yeah, I did." "I needed my lucky dress." "And lucky means, more cleavage?" "Does for me." "Ohh, God!" "Look at him, he's so cute." "I wanna go over there, grab him, and kiss him!" "How can I kiss him and not letting him know that I like him?" "Oh!" "Hey!" "I know how you can get him, take off your bra." "What?" " There was a seen in Footloose..." " Flashdance." " Yeah-yeah, yeah, with that-that uh, plumber girl..." " She was a welder." "Were you like in the movie, or..." "Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve." "Very sexy, and classy." "Or if you want to kiss him, umm, you could use mistletoe." "It's not Christmas!" "Or Spin the Bottle?" "He's not 11!" "Thank you so much for this." "It was really so thoughtful of you." "What?" "You're leaving?" "!" "Yes, we have something we have to get to." "Uhh, yeah, I think I'm going to take-off too." "No!" "You guys can't leave yet!" "You have to stay, we-we got the whole big thing planned!" "What big thing?" "So, Spin the Bottle works like this." "I spin the bottle, it lands on Gunther, so I would have to kiss Gunther." "All right." "Who wants to go first?" " I'll go." " Yay!" "Welcome to America." "Two in a row!" "You've got to use your tongues now!" "Yay!" "Emily!" "What are the odds?" "What are the odds?" "Okay, that-that's enough!" "Y'know, let's, let's let someone else play." "If you didn't want to play, why did you come to the party?" "Okay, my turn!" "Oh!" "my godness!" "Oh my God!" "The baby just kicked!" "Ohh!" "It's okay!" "It's okay!" "It kicked once, it'll kick again!" "Oh my God!" "All right, well, everybody just remember where they were sitting." "Just a bug." "It doesn't matter how much I'm craving it." "Y'know why I'm never gonna eat meat?" "Because it's murder, cold blooded murder." "Okay." "There's a Phoebe on my sandwich!" "Phoebe, what-what are you doing?" "!" "I can't help it." "I need the meat." "The baby needs the meat." "All right look, y'know how-y'know how when you're dating someone and you don't want to cheat on them, unless it's with someone really hot?" " Yeah, totally!" " All right." "Okay." "Well this is the same kind of deal." "If you're going to do something wrong, do it right!" "Feel better now?" "Yeah, but at what cost?" "Six more months, three meals a day, I'm gonna eat like, y'know millions of cows." "Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise." " What?" " Well, I eat a lot of meat right?" "Yeah." "Suppose until the baby's born I laid off it." "No extra animals would die, you-you'd just be eating my animals." "Joey, I can't believe you would do that for me." "Absolutely!" "I could be a vegetarian." "There's no meat in beer, right?" "Okay, we could still make dinner if we skipped the appetisers and asked for our check right away." "But, we can't go now." "It looks like Rachel's gonna put on a skit." "Oh my God!" "Have you lost your mind?" "No-n-n-n-no!" "I am finally thinking clearly." "My lucky dress wasn't working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed." "Rachel-Rachel-Rachel I-I cannot, I can't let?" "actually I kinda want to see what happens." " Hey!" " Hi!" "Nice uh, costume." "Ohh, yeah, well I wanted to give Emily a big American good-bye cheer." "So okay!" "Ready!" "Okay!" "Gimme an 'E!" "'" "E!" "Gimme an 'M!" "'" "M!" "Gimme an 'I!" "'" "I!" "Gimme an 'L!" "'" "L!" "Gimme a 'Y!" "'" "Y!" "What do you get?" "Emily!" "Emil?" "Whoa!" "Okay!" "So that's me as a cheerleader!" "Ta-dum!" "Are you all right?" "I'm fine!" "I'm fine!" "I'm just losing a tooth, it's no big deal." "I have a dentist!" "Y'know." "I'm gonna go put some ice on it." "Excuse me." "What do I do now?" "What do I do now?" "I think you're done." "Okay, time to take off the bra." "Umm, that was really great, but I-I gotta take-off actually." "Take bra off." " All right, come on, let's go get your coat." " Okay." "Rachel is my girlfriend." "So, this was uh, really fun." "Oh, yeah!" "Real fun." "Y'know, this bra..." "Really, bothers me." "Y'know, this used to be my bedroom." "Yeah." "A lot of memories in here, a lot of memories." "If these walls could talk, y'know what they'd say?" "Wanna hear some memories?" " Need uh, need a little hand there." " Oh no-no-no!" "No, I got this all under control." "You really don't seem like you do." "That's..." "Ughhhh!" "Forget it!" "This is, this is not how this is supposed to happen." "Well, what was supposed to happen?" "Can you not look at me when I say this?" "I thought that if I could get you here, I could seduce you." "Huh." "Oh, boy!" "Uhh, I-I don't wear suits to work, and I bought six of them from you." "Well, I'm sorry, I thought you needed them!" "No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted to see you." "Why?" "!" "Because I-I like you." "You like me?" "Yeah!" "I mean you're-you're beautiful and smart and sophisticated. a lot of this isn't based on tonight." "Yeah but-but-but you liked me!" "Oh my God, I can't believe this, all this time, I liked you and you liked me!" " But..." " Oh no-no-no don't say but!" "No-no, but's never good!" "Let's just leave it at, i like you and you like me." "Okay uh, however..." "Oh, now see that's a fancy but." "My marriage like just ended, and I'm really not ready to get into anything yet." "But...." "I'm sorry, I, I just need a little time." "Okay." "Ohh, here you are." "I was looking for you before." "Joshua's gone so you and Emily are free to go." "That's okay." "She's still in there enjoying her fake party and uh it's too late to do any of the things I had planned, so..." "Oh, Ross, I'm sorry." "I completely ruined your evening." "Yeah." "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I made a fool out of myself." "Helps a little." "Is there room on that step for a pathetic loser?" "Yeah, have a seat." "I'm so sorry." "That's okay, I mean it was just two-week thing anyway, I just didn't want it to end this way, y'know?" "Well, maybe you didn't want it to end?" "What do you mean?" "You seem to really like her." "Yeah, I really do." "Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y'know no commitment." "Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica's photo albums, I mean you don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks." " You think?" " Yeah you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and you're sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip." " Hey, you're right." " Yeah." "Thanks." "What photo album was it?" "I don't know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids." "Oh my God!" "Those weren't albino kids, that was computer camp!" "Rach!" " Hey." " Hey." "You're a pathetic loser, right?" "Oh-ho, yeah!" "Sit!" "Hi." "Oh my gosh, Joshua!" "Whole those things I said about not being ready..." "They're not true?" "No, they're-they're all true." "Oh." "But..." "Oh!" "Oh, I love that but." " You wanna go inside and have some coffee?" " Yeah." " Okay." "Every time." "Oooh, what you get there?" "Pastrami." "Oh-ho-ho, yeah!" "Hey!" "Y'know what goes good with that?" "Hm-mm, corn beef." "Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but that's much better." " How about a little of that smoked turkey?" " Okay." "Oh mama!" "Uh when-when is the baby due?" "Six months." "Ugh." "Hey!" "Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those right?" "Not if I get there first."