" Hey, Dad." " Hello, Randy." "Wow." "Nomad's looking great." "Never seen it look this shiny." "After hours of deliberation," "I have selected this car for you to take your driver's test in." "Over the Mustang and the Austin Healey?" "How'd they take it?" "Well, the Mustang took it OK." "But the Austin Healey's in a bit of a snit." "I wanted to talk to you about my driver's appointment." "OK." "I called to make an appointment." "They were all booked up on Saturday, so I made it for tomorrow." " I can't go tomorrow." " Mom'll take me." "Oh, no, no, no, no, no." "There are certain first times in a boy's life you don't want your mom with you, and this is the main one." "Um..." " A week from Saturday." " I don't wanna wait a week." " Wait a week for me." " I'll have Brad take me." "A father's supposed to be there for the great moments in his sors life." "Dad, you werert there when I was born." "But this is big." " I know how important this is to you." " No, this is really a big deal for me." " There's gonna be other occasions." " What other occasions?" "First dead battery, license renewals, tickets." " You'll be right by my side for 'em." " You're not just saying this?" " I promise." " God bless you, son." "Welcome back to Tool Time." "For those of you who just joined us, where the hell have you been?" "We've shown you how to run wire through a frame wall before the drywall is up." "Next, we'll show you how to run wire through an existing wall." "Which can be tough." "You'll find yourself in a very spot." "Which Tim is very good at getting us into." "Al is good at getting into tight spots." "You wedged yourself into those trousers." "Sometimes, you know, conduit, water pipes, insulation, can make it very difficult to run wire." " Tim, give me a hand here." " All right." "As you can see from this cutout wall, running wire through here would be very difficult." "Not for our next guest." "A warm Tool Time welcome for master electrician," "Judy McHale." " Hi, Al." " Hi, Judy." "Tim." " Judy, welcome to the show." " Thank you." "You have a unique way of running wire through tight spaces." "That's right, Tim." "I call it Judy's way." "Well, fascinating." "Do you have a unique tool that you use?" "You betcha." "Right here in Judy's tool box." "OK." "Why don't you open it with Judy's hand?" "OK." " It's a rat." " Yeah." " What do you call this?" " I call it Judy's rat." "A welcome addition to any toolbox." "Does he come in metric?" "Um, Judy, tell the audience what you've trained that rat to do?" "I've taught him to run all kinds of wire through walls, including computer wire for schools." "So, you need that rat before you can use your mouse." "Judy takes her work very seriously." "Judy needs a man." "Judy heard that." "It's true, though." "I've taught this little fella how to run wire through walls filled with asbestos." "Well, that would explain the cough, then, wouldn't it?" "Why don't we put the little electrician through his paces, OK?" "Judy'll put the rat in the opening up here." "Tim is going to reward him with a piece of cheese at the bottom." "You can see by the complexity of this wall, it'd be hard to do this by hand." "When the rat comes down to the bottom, we'll have a little wine and cheese party to celebrate." " There we go." " All right." " What's next?" " We need the cheese." " Heidi?" " I left it on the work... bench." "Sorry." " It won't work without cheese, Tim." " I can motivate a rat." "Watch this." "We'll get him out." "OK, come on." "Go on down there." "Put your hand down there." "Come on." "Ratty." "Come on!" "Meow!" "Meow!" "Psst!" "Psst!" " What's the matter, Tim?" " Judy's rat bit Tim's nose." "Judy has a confession to make." "Judy's rat doesn't know how to wire this wall because it's not Judy's rat." " What?" " And I'm not really Judy." " Well, who are you?" " I'm Judy's sister Trudy." "I just wanted to meet Al." "Hey, guys." "What's up?" "Well, the bass player in Ronny's band quit, so I'm taking his place." "Hey, that's wonderful." "Well, except you don't know how to play." "Didrt stop the last guy." "Besides, Ronny's teaching me." " What do you play in the band?" " Ronny's our singer." "Yeah." "You know, that makes a lot of sense." "Because normally you're kind of a quiet and private person." "And I'll bet that when you're on stage, that allows you to open up emotionally and connect with the audience." "No." "Come on, Ronny." "Let's play." "Later." " Hi." "What happened to you?" " I don't wanna talk about it." "Randy's not back from his driver's test." " Yeah, and I've been thinking..." " Oh, no." "I still think that we shouldn't let him drive at night for a while." "You take away his night-driving privileges, that's humiliating." "You might as well just put him in a dress and give him a bus pass." "Look, a lot of states have passed nighttime driving laws because teenagers have more accidents after dark." "I've driven with him at night and he's a good driver." "I just want him to have more experience before we send him out in the dark." "You know, night isn't as dark as it was when we first started driving." " What?" "!" " El Niño." "He's gonna be just fine." "And we can't have different rules for different kids." " We let Brad drive his first night." " Yeah, and he rear-ended somebody." " Could happen to anybody." " Then he lied about it." " He was scared." " Then the guy he hit tried to sue us." "Our insurance rates went through the roof and so did you." " Yeah, I did, didn't I?" " Yes." "I got bit by a rat today." " Hey." " What happened to you?" "Forget about it, Brad." "It's Chinatown." " Well, what happened?" " Well, I got some bad news." "Oh, God." "You failed the test." "The bad news is you have another teenage driver to insure." " You!" "Congratulations!" "Yeah!" " Congratulations, honey." " All right!" " Yeah, I'm glad I took him." "It brought back a lot of old great memories from when I started driving." " I'm proud of you, kid." " Thanks, Pops." "This is great." "I can't believe I have my license." "Randy, your father and I wanna talk to you about that." "I know, I know." "Buckle up, drive slow, and always yield to a classic car." " Uh, actually, there's more." " Well, could you make it quick?" "I'm taking Lauren out for dinner and a drive up to Grosse Pointe." "That's great." "What might be an even greater idea is you drive up there during the day." "You check it out, so if you ever got there at night, you'd know night would be a little darker, darkness would be different than the day..." "What are you talking about?" "Your father is trying to say we're uncomfortable with you driving at night." "Don't worry." "I'll be fine." "The car's got headlights, Mom." "No, honey, honey, you don't understand, you see we are so uncomfortable that in order to alleviate our discomfort, we're not gonna let you do it." "What?" "!" "Dad!" "I'm in total agreement on this." "It's just for a short time." " Yeah, a month." " A month?" "!" "I thought we were thinking about a week." "What we meant was a month." " This is totally unfair." " Nighttime driving is trickier." "We just want you to master daytime driving first." "Brad drove at night as soon as he got his license." " And he had an accident, didn't he?" " I have to pay for Brad's screw-ups?" "Well, that's kind of how the system works, you know." "You pay for Brad's mistakes and Mark'll pay for your mistakes." " What mistakes have I made?" " Well, having Brad as a brother." "This makes no sense." "How could you let Mom talk you into this?" "I got bit by a rat today." "Hello?" "Yeah." "Just a second." "Mark, it's for you." "Another call for Mark." "You know, this band thing is making him really popular." " His calls have doubled." " Yeah, that's two this month." "Well, I'm back safe and sound before the danger of nightfall rears its ugly little head." "Did you and Lauren have a good time?" "We had another lovely wonderful afternoon date." "We caught a 3:30 matinée filled with old people explaining the movie to each other." "Then we went to an early-bird dinner filled with old people saying," ""Does the salmon have bones?" "I hate bones."" "Hey, Mom." "Our band got a rehearsal studio for the night." " Can I go?" "I'll be back by 11." " No, honey." "It's a school night." " Oh, come on, Mom." "Just this once?" " I don't know." "I..." "Mom, think about it." "Mark playing somewhere that's not here." "Well, your grades have been really good lately." "Get your stuff." "I'll drop you off on the way to the PTA meeting." "Thanks, Mom." "I don't believe this." "You never would have let me go out this late on a school night." "You never had trouble making friends." "This thing has been really good for him." "Wait." "Let me get this straight." "Mark gets fewer rules because he's a dork." "And I get more rules because Brad's a dork?" "That's night-driving dork to you." " Mom, I'm ready." " Honey, I gotta go to this meeting." "When I get back, we're gonna talk about this some more." " Bye-bye, guys." " Bye." "Does this seem completely unfair to you?" "Why would you want my opinion?" "I'm just a dork." "Good point." "Where are you going?" "I don't know, but I'm driving there in the dark." "Mark's gonna pay for this." " We're back." " How was the PTA meeting?" "Great." "Me and the metal-shop teacher heckled the principal the entire time." "Yeah." "God, I was so proud." "Where is Randy?" "I really don't know." "Maybe he's in bed." " It's 9:15." " Well, you know, he ate dinner at four." " You drank all the root beer." " There's some more in the garage." " Actually, I'll get it, Dad." " I'm closer." "I'll get it." " Mom, where are you going?" " If he's awake, I wanna talk to him." " I don't think you should go down." " Why not?" "If he's sleeping, it'll be dark and you could trip and fall and wake him up." "I found the root beer." "Odd thing, though." "I couldn't find the Nomad." " Oh, no!" " It's not in the driveway." "It's not in the garage." "Where is the station wagon, Brad?" "Well, it is called a Nomad." "Maybe it wandered off?" "Enough with the jokes." "Where's the Nomad?" "Randy took off with it after you guys left." "He was really mad." " Where'd he go?" " I don't know." "Your brother's out driving alone in the dark and all you can say is you don't know?" "!" "Well, I saved you some pizza." " Where do you think he went?" " I don't know." " But he'll be back in maybe a month." " What's that supposed to mean?" "You punished him for something Brad did." "I'm not punishing him." "Besides, we agreed." "We agreed that he shouldn't be driving at night for a while." "You came up with this 30-day month thing." "I'm just trying to protect Randy." "Same way you protected him by letting Mark stay out till 11:00 on a school night, something you've never let Randy do." "Well, I let Randy do other stuff." "I don't want to argue about this now." " I gotta go find him." " He's gonna be fine." "He's doing what you psychiatrists call acting out." " Yeah." "He's acting out." " Out, up, in, over, between." "It's just psychodribble." "He just feels like he's being treated unfairly." " That's the problem." " He said something about Grosse Pointe." "Maybe I should just drive up there." "Yeah!" "Find him and his girlfriend making out, rap on the window," ""I'm just here to protect my little baby."" "OK." "You're right." "Bad idea." "We'll just wait here, give him a chance to come home." "A little bit of pizza..." "There's no cheese." "Hey, Brad!" "Has Al been over here?" "I'm kind of worried about Randy." "After you pick up Mark, will you drive around and look for him?" "Sure." "Drive around a city of six million going," ""Randy!" "Randy!" "Randy!"" "Tim, take the cell phone with you." "If you see him, call me." "If he comes home, I'll call you." " What's my number?" " It's your phone." " I never call myself." " I never call you." " Why do we have this thing?" " I don't know." "Just go." "Randy!" "Randy!" "Hi, Wilson." "What are you doing?" "I just came from a Cinco de Mayo party." "Might I serenade you with a chorus of Cielito Lindo?" "Some other time." "I'm worried about Randy." " Randito?" " He took off with one of our cars." "Ooh!" "Randito bandito." "Are you drunk?" "Randy's mad." "I won't let him drive at night the way I let his brother." " Was that because of Brad's accident?" " Yeah." "Tim thinks I've been unfair." " I think he's right." " Well, why is that?" "I make different rules for different kids." "I let Mark stay out late, which I never would let the other guys do." " Right." " I'm an inconsistent parent." "Well..." "All employees must wash their hands before returning to work?" "All right, maybe I had one margarita." "But I do have something to say about you being an inconsistent parent." " What's that?" " The essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson said," ""A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."" "You know, Randy and Brad and Mark, they're totally different kids." "To give them one set of rules would be folly." "So you're saying that I was right not to let Randy drive at night?" "No, I'm just saying you should treat each child according to his individual needs." "Maybe Randy didn't need for me to be overprotective of him driving." "I've driven with him." "He's a great driver." "So when he comes home, I guess I'll, you know, tell him I'm sorry." "Wilson, can I give you some advice?" "Sí" "Lose the Spanish accent but keep those toreador pants." "Brad, how can you eat such a huge sandwich so late at night?" "Well, Randy's gone." "I'm eating for two." " I'm back." "Let me have it." " Randy, where have you been?" "I was just driving around." "I realize it was stupid for me to take the car." "But I felt if I was being punished," "I might as well do something to deserve it." "Oh, God." "I have been a nervous wreck." "I'm sorry, Mom." "I just thought that I was getting a raw deal." "Well, you were." "I know you're a good driver." "I shouldn't have let Brad's accident affect the way that I treated you." " I was wrong." " Wait." "Let me get this straight." "Did you just say you were wrong?" " Sometimes parents make mistakes." " Yeah, but they never admit it." "I mean, this is huge." "Yeah, especially since you stole our car." "Well, since this is your first offense, I'll let you off with a warning, and I hope you do the same for me." "Hope again." "Would you stop playing that thing?" "!" "All the way in the car." "Ding-ding-ding." "You're driving me crazy." "Stop it." "Oh, look who's back." "Mr. Grand Theft Auto." "I wouldn't wanna be you right now." "I wouldn't wanna be you ever." "Mom, there's been a shake-up in the band." "I'm now lead tambourine." "Oh." "Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play your song somewhere else." "You take the car, it's like stealing it." "She was worried." "I need an explanation." " I'm sorry." " Sorry doesn't cut it." " I went overboard and you were right." " Yeah, well, I'm telling you..." " She said I was right?" " She didn't use your name specifically." "That doesn't matter." "This is huge." "Can we talk about the punishment he's gonna get for taking the car?" "Thank God he's back." "The car is all right?" "It's fine, although it was pulling to the left, so I put air in the tires." " Did you get the good air?" " Yeah." "Dad, I..." "I went to Smitty's." "Hose across from pump number four." " Talk to Smitty?" " He's having marital problems." " His wife and him never get along." " I know." "I can't believe that." "Guys, can we get back to the punishment thing?" "You did take the car when we told you not to." "I say a week without any driving at all." "One week?" "I couldn't drive for a month after I got in my accident." " Completely different situation." " Not to me." "How can you give him less punishment than me?" "We have to treat each one of you differently according to your needs." "And who decides what our needs are?" "We do." " Right, Tim?" " Huh?" "Tim, how come every time" "I try to have an important parenting discussion, you tune out?" "I got bit by a rat this morning." "What do you think of Mark's band?" "Sounds like they're playing my bench grinder." "I wanna make sure they're not fiddling with my stuff out there." "He's good." "We can send him to Europe to study with the Gypsies." "* Yeah, yeah, yeah" " Take it, Mark." " * Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" "* Yeah, yeah, yeah!" "* Yeah *" "Wow, that was great, guys." "Great." " Really great." " Yeah, yeah, yeah." "What do you call that?" "The Happy Clown." "You're a very strange little man, Ronny." "Where are you going?" "I don't know, but I'm driving there in the dark." "Why don't we look at our pint-size electrician in..." "All sorts of things back here, like asbestos and and, uh..."