"Once upon a time, two years ago... five lives were suddenly transformed." "One got a second chance." "One got old." "One became young again." "One got a raw deal." "And one hit the jackpot." "Five bodies, five souls, one story that changed my life." "Stef!" "Wake up!" "This is the day we've been waiting for." "Good morning!" "Good morning, Mom." "This is the big day, my princess." "Did you sleep well?" " Yes Mom, 8 hours more or less." " That's just enough." "More than that and your skin gets puffy." "What's the weather forecast?" "is it going to rain, or is it clear skies all day?" "Of course!" "We picked the best date." "There's a solar eclipse today and it will be clear." "In some cultures, solar eclipses are considered lucky." " Really?" " Yes." "Come on." " Mom, I'm nervous." " Don't be such a baby." "It's the nicest day for a beach wedding." "Come, hug Mama." "My princess." "When you do the groceries don't forget the dog food." "Check." " And the dog shampoo." " Check." "And don't forget to call Jim-Jim the dog shooter, Mrs. Covarrubias' son." "His Shih Tzu is in heat... you have to schedule a breeding session for Bogart so he'll stop sulking." "Oh, Bogart!" "My baby's a big boy, he's ready to mate!" "Lucky Bogart, he has a love life." " What did you say?" " Nothing, Ma'am." "I said I'd call Jim-Jim the son of Mrs. Covarrubias." "I heard you. lf we were in court you'd be cited for contempt." "Where is Mr. Pedring the driver?" "I don't want to be stuck on EDSA at rush hour." "He sent a text message that he can't drive you today." "He has lactose intolerance." "Mr. Pedring has lactose intolerance?" "is that correct, yes or no?" "Yes." "How swanky of him, a rich people's ailment." "Get my driving shoes from the closet." "So many churches in Manila... and they choose to get married on the beach." "Oh it's a wedding you're attending." "I thought you were going to a baptism." "So you're a godmother at weddings now." "Yes." "Accept the truth that I have long accepted." "I am of age to stand as godmother at weddings, is that correct?" "Yes, Ma'am." "Godmother at weddings... do you want me to underline and highlight that for you?" "I'll even spell it." "W-E-D-D-l-N-G-S." "I am the godmother to the daughter of my best friend from high school!" "You got that?" "If you're through annoying me, get my loafers before you get hurt!" "Yes, Ma'am." "Enjoy your breakfast." "Alone!" "Bogart!" "Bogart!" "Nanny, make sure lñaki does number two." "It's hard to find a bathroom on the way there." "Yes, Ma'am." "It's too early for poo-poo." "Can I bring my toys?" "Okay, but not all of them." "Nanny, his toys." "What's taking you so long?" "We're going to get stuck in traffic, get moving." "Yes, Sir, good morning." "Have you seen my diver's watch?" "I don't know, ask the maid." "Sir, I checked the air in the tires." "What about the gas?" "Enough to get us there, we can fill up on the way back." "Iñaki, finish your food." "Don't get up until you've finished." "Where's my diver's watch?" "Daddy says eat." "Good morning." "See you later." "Nanny is flirting with the driver!" "I'll tell Mommy." "Be quiet." "Eat your bacon and eggs so you'll grow big and strong." "I don't want to be big and strong, I want to be rich and powerful." "Come on, eat your eggs." "Eating eggs everyday will turn me into a girl." "Alright, just the bacon." "That's high in cholesterol." "Do you want me to die early?" "Please eat." "After this I have to give you a bath and get you dressed... then we're going on a long drive and we can't be late... because you're the ring-bearer at the wedding." "They can't start without me." "You horrid brat." "You little demon." "The minute I pay off my parent's debts, I'm leaving you." "Pest." "Demon." "Troll!" "Nanny, you're speaking Bisaya again." "You must be saying bad words." "I'm telling Mommy!" "Whatever!" " lt's not Bisaya, it's llonggo." " Whatever, Nanny." "Eat..." "Eat..." "(Coughing)" "Are we bringing that oxygen tank?" "That's what the doctor and your son said." "They should've had the wedding in the icu." "Sir, we have to be prepared." "Prepared for what?" "You're all paranoid." "Where are you putting that?" "Didn't I tell you I'm not riding that wheelchair?" "Sir, your son said to bring it." "Who is paying for this wedding, him or me?" "Does he give orders now?" "Take that down!" "Right this second!" "Sir, I'll get reprimanded." "Goddamnit, take down that wheelchair instantly!" "Sir, if you don't want to ride it, then don't." "But your son specifically told me to bring it." "Then he should ride that wheelchair." "Why don't we get in the car." "I left my checkbook in the clutch bag, get it." "Sir, here it is." "The late Toffee Carbonell." " l'll miss you, baby." " Have to go." " Bye, love you." " No kiss?" "Here's your coffee." " 1 1 seconds." " What?" "I timed your embrace. 1 1 seconds." "How long will you be parted?" "I thought this was a day trip." "What was your breakfast, hot sour soup?" "It's too early for sourness." "Not even a thank you for the coffee?" "Ignore her, Sister, she's been like that since yesterday." " Shit." " Huh?" "I'd understand if you and your ex had split up a week ago." "Even a month ago." "But it's been 3 months... and you were only together for one month." "Your recovery is longer than the actual relationship." "Sister, aren't you tired?" "We're so tired for you." "Butt out!" "You never learn." "How self-righteous you are." "Just because you have lovers." "Sister, it's your fault because you always fall for boys who like girls." "Correct." "Why don't you open your heart to boys who like boys?" "Yucch!" "Like you?" "With boyfriends as gay as yourselves?" "Over my dead, sexy body." "Then suffer." "Your gayness is so Seventies." " lt's a new millennium!" " Exactly." "You're such a stereotypical gay beautician." "Excuse me, I am not a beautician." "I am an image stylist." "Let's go!" "Before you make me vomit." " And the road trip is on!" " How long is the drive?" "According to the map, 3 to 4 hours." "That's so far!" "Image stylist?" "I wonder what that is?" " lt's not far, go to sleep." " The sourness!" "The bitterness!" "Your Auntie Carla called last night." "She wishes you the best." "She insists that you stay with her when you visit L.A." "Your cousins are excited to meet Harold." "I'll tell Harold." "If it's alright with him, why not." "I'm sure it is." "Speaking of..." " Hi, Babe." " Babe, are you on the road?" " Yes, we're on our way." " Good." "I told you, the house is only 30 minutes away." "I can't wait to see you." " Excited!" " More excited for the honeymoon." "Stop that, I'm with my mother." "It's so embarrassing." " So?" " Stop that." "Babe, could you check the wedding souvenirs with the suppliers?" " l hope there's no problem." " l've seen them." "Are they tasteful?" " Very appropriate." " Good." " Are you near?" " Yes, we're near." "Stop that." "I don't have time for this!" "I don't care if you camp out outside City Hall the whole weekend... just get me a copy of that land title!" "And tell Attorney Montinola... the deposition from his witness is useless!" "We need to win this land dispute case at all cost." "What?" "I didn't get an email." "Wi-fi?" "I'm driving, you nitwit." "I don't want that!" "How many times do I have to tell you?" "Mommy, we have to go back to the house!" "Iñaki, I told you to stop that." "Turn up the airconditioning." "We can't go back, we're too far from the house." "Nanny, how could you forget his PSP?" "It must've been in the other bag, Ma'am." "Nanny, my PSP!" "How could you leave it!" "Father is in the hospital." "Mother is also ill." "Your brother was stabbed." "Your youngest sister is pregnant." "Your dog is missing." "Send money." "And cellphone credits." "Thanks." "I want my PSP!" "Nanny, make him stop, he's giving me a headache." "Yes, Sir." "Let's just read a book." "You'll like this." "Moby Dick." "Moby Dick?" "That's cruelty to animals!" "What do you want?" "I want my PSP!" "Here it is, citizens." "In a few moments we will witness an amazing event." " lt's time for your meds." " A solar eclipse!" "Give them to me." "Get your video cameras and cellphones ready!" "The next partial solar eclipse is two years away!" "Take care when looking at the eclipse, you don't want to damage your eyes." " Give me my sunglasses." " Why?" "Didn't you hear the radio?" "It's two years until the next solar eclipse." "I'll probably be ashes by then." " Driver, slow down." " Sir?" "Slow down, you devil." "Marvelous!" "Sisters, what about the division of labor later?" "I'll do the bride." "JR will do the makeup of the maid of honor, bridesmaids... and the mother of the bride." "You'll do the godmothers and grandmothers." "Are you punishing me?" "How many godmothers?" " 12, I think." " 12?" "is this a wedding or a fund-raising?" "That's why I charged them extra." "Anyway the bride is nice... she comes to our salon regularly for her manicure and pedicure." "Beautiful girl, pretty face." "Very kind." "Sweet." "Kind of dowdy, though." "Have you sighted the groom?" "is he hot?" "A cutie?" "Harry my love?" "Yumminess itself!" "There's an over-the-top reaction." " For real?" " For true!" "Listen, gays of the year, we're close to the electromagnetic field area." " Really?" "is it nearby?" " Yes." "You can turn off the engine or put it in neutral... and the car will still drive up." " Let's try it!" " Okay, let's try!" "Mom, are you crying?" "Didn't you say, no tears?" "Our makeup will be ruined." "Those beauticians charge so much." "Princess, they're not beauticians." "They're image stylists." "I just wish your dad were here." "I wish he could walk you down the aisle." "Mom, whatever his address in heaven is... I know he's happy." "Besides, he's with us in spirit." "And we'll walk down the aisle together." "I know, Stef." " So stop crying." " Okay." "I'll stop if you stop biting your nails." "Eww, look at that, they're cracked." "What does that word mean?" "Even if you email me that 18-page affidavit I can't decide on it." "I'm at the beach until late tonight." "A beach wedding." "Yes, I am a godmother at a wedding." "Did you think it was a baptism?" "Are you laughing?" "Are you laughing at me?" "Chubby?" "Who's Chubby?" "Hello?" "My battery's low, wait." "Where is my charger?" "Let's try this." "Hansel and Gretel." " Once upon a time..." " l don't like that!" " lt's disturbing!" " Disturbing..." "Here, Little Red Riding Hood." " Once upon a time..." " l don't like that!" "It's too violent!" "Now this was my favorite when I was a child." " The Legend of the Lanzones." " l don't eat lanzones!" "I want my PSP!" "Sir, you might get sideswiped." "Stop that." "Here it comes." " Sir..." " Wait a second." " You might get caught on something." " Here comes the total eclipse!" "It's beautiful!" " How does this go?" " Turn off the engine." " Put it in neutral." " lt's in neutral." " This is great!" " Such fun!" "It's because we have electromagnetic personalities... unlike certain people in this car." "Correct!" "Big freaking deal." "is this your first time to experience a magnet?" "Don't you have refrigerators at home?" " ls that it?" " Kind of." "So, what?" "That's that?" "Aaaah!" " You're so cheap." " Killjoy!" "All of a sudden, in a blink of an eye... in the middle of the national highway... at the center of the magnetic field and temporary darkness... the five of us" "Ninang Precy, yours truly, the beautician... I mean the image stylist Toffee, Grandfather Bien... and the Nanny temporarily lost consciousness." " Nanny!" " Medelyn..." "Nanny!" "Dad, go get water for Nanny." " lñaki, get water for Nanny." " Why me?" "Medelyn, are you okay?" "Where am I?" "Who are you?" "State your full names for the record." "Dad, maybe we should call a doctor." "She's probably just nuts from hunger." "Medelyn, have you eaten?" "Am I dead?" "What happened?" "There was an accident." "A minor one." "Maybe it's whiplash." "Oh my gosh." " Dad, get water!" " lñaki, get water!" "Nanny, you're so weird." "Why don't you call a doctor just to be sure?" "Dad's doctor is in France attending a conference." " Weren't you listening?" " Then call any doctor?" "Any doctor?" "Dad has a complicated medical history." "Not that you would know, you don't care about him." "Don't you start with me." "His blood pressure is normal." "Then why isn't he speaking?" "He might've had a stroke." "Why don't we try asking him?" "Mister Bien, are you alright?" "Would you like to return to Manila?" "Are you in pain?" "We could take you to a hospital." "It's okay, Sir. I feel fine." "You don't have to take me to the hospital." "When did Dad learn to speak Bisaya?" " Not Bisaya, llonggo." " Whatever." "Ha!" "The other one's awake." "Maybe someone can do my makeup now?" "Sorry, Ma'am, I'll call him." "Patience." "Hey, are you okay?" "Can you start working?" "Could you do the makeup of the other godmothers?" "That's your assignment, remember?" "Miss Catatonia, did you hear me?" "You fag." "Who are you calling fag?" "Straighten up." "You shake your hips like a woman." "Shameless hussy!" "Wow, a Best Actress performance!" "Hey!" "You look like a tomboy!" "Get out here or I'll never give you a job again." "Since when do you speak Spanish?" " Where is that fag going?" " Where else?" "Our work is here, and he's wandering off." "Best friend?" " Mom?" " Mom?" "Are you okay, Best friend?" "Doctor, what drugs did you give her?" "Nothing hardcore." "My dear, are you hallucinating?" "Shall I have the driver bring you to Manila?" "St. Luke's Hospital or Makati Medical?" " Mom..." " Dear..." " Why do you call me Mom?" " Because you are my mom." "Precy, you're freaking me out." "Mom, I'm the one who's like totally freaked out here." " l'm your daughter." " Excuse me?" "I'm too young to be your mother." "But I'm Stephanie." "Your daughter." " What's the matter with you?" " The matter with me?" "What is the matter with you?" "Best friend, have a little dignity." "I don't know if you're on drugs or playing a trick on me... but you are definitely not yourself today." "Wait, where are you going?" "Mom, I have a wedding to catch!" "My own wedding, duh." "You're not leaving this room." "You're not going to ruin my daughter's most important day." "But I am your daughter." "Precy, you are having a nervous breakdown." "If you're depressed or destructive... because you have a concussion from the accident... please stay away from my daughter." " But I am your daughter." " Lunatic!" "Doctor, nurses, no matter what happens she must not leave this room." "Let me go!" "Mom, they're hurting me." "Precy, stay here." "Don't make me call the police." "But it's my wedding day!" "You're pathetic." "Doctor, medicate her." "I don't care if she's out for a week." "Mom, don't leave me, it's my wedding day!" "Thank you so much for this face, this body, this flower." "I am a woman now!" "I don't know why I've been blessed, but I know this beauty has a purpose." "And if I'm dreaming, please God, don't wake me up." "That's all." "Thank you!" "This beauty is insane!" "Gorgeousness from every angle!" "Eyes, nose, lips, cleavage, armpits." "The butt's a little small, but I'll manage." "I'm so sexy!" "Can I handle it?" "Yes." "Yes!" "I deserve this." "I so deserve this!" "is everything ready?" "Yes, Ma'am, everything will be ready by sunset." "The wedding cake?" "That's the only thing we're waiting for." "Don't worry, I've talked to the supplier." "How is godmother Precy?" "is she okay?" "No, she's far from okay." "Really?" "Will we need a proxy?" "Wait." "Can you alert all the security guards... not to let her in here under any circumstances?" " What?" " Can you just do what I say?" "Noted, Ma'am." "By the way, the videographers are here." "They'd like to take a video of you and Stephanie." " Okay." "There?" " Yes, Ma'am." " Are the tables ready?" " Yes, Ma'am." "Princess, you want it more tame?" "No, Mother, here it is!" "How are you, is your neck still painful?" "It's all in the past, Mother, I'm ready for my close-up." "Your godmother Precy won't be coming to the wedding." "What?" "My entourage won't be complete." "Why?" "She can't come to the wedding in her condition." "She's not herself, it's almost creepy." "It's like she's possessed." "I didn't want to tell you, you might worry." "Forget that." "Spill it, Mother." "One more shot." "Smile." "Spill?" "Yes, make like a talk show." "Okay." "Precy claims that she's you." "Really?" "Yes, she says she's the bride and it's her wedding day." "And she says it with conviction." "She insists on coming here to be married, can you believe that?" "That's crazy!" "She might ruin my wedding." "Don't worry, she can't leave the hospital." "But Princess, I feel bad for my friend." "I knew that deep down she's really depressed." "You know, being all alone in the world." "After the wedding I'm taking her to Manila... to have her checked by a specialist." " ls that alright?" " Whatever." "Okay." "Don't worry." "One more shot." "Nanny, what else have you forgotten today?" "You're such an incompetent fool." " Useless!" " Silence in the court!" "You shut up when I tell you to shut up!" "I don't know how your parents raised you... but I will not stand for this abusive behavior." "From now on you will only speak when spoken to." "You will respect all adults and stop acting like one." "You will say "please", "sir", "ma'am"." "Understand?" "Understand!" "Yes, Ma'am." "Good." "I'm telling Mom what you said, Ma'am!" "Then tell her!" "I'll see you in court." "Well?" "Have you decided?" "What are you talking about?" "Our plan, remember." "I hope you've decided." "Tonight, when they're asleep." "Don't leave me hanging." "Where are the bridesmaids so we can photograph them?" "I'll take you to their room." "Princess, I'll guide the videographers, then I'll check on the cake." "Put some ice on your neck, okay?" "Mom, stop treating me like a helpless chick, go!" "Fly!" "Okay." "You need to get your makeup done, I'll send the stylist." "Get ready for me, world, here I come." "You're about to experience total hotness." "Sir, stay here and take some air." " l'll prepare your outfit." " Alright." "Excuse me, old man." "Are you okay?" "Nanny!" "Nanny!" "What is wrong with you?" "You made the boy cry again." "You're always screwing up." "You forgot the PSP, the inflatable raft, the steam iron last week." "Just pay up your cash advances... pack your things and go back where you came from!" "Madame, can you briefly describe my job description here?" "Let me rephrase the question." "What is my job exactly?" "Can you state for the record that I am a nanny and not a child psychiatrist?" "Let me call your attention to provisions in the Labor Code... concerning all persons rendering service in the household for compensation." "Article 1 45: assignment to non-household work." "No house helper shall be assigned to any work... commercial, industrial, or agricultural." "Furthermore, no household help shall be assigned to discipline... and teach your child good manners and right conduct." "It is the parents' obligation to instill values in their children." "As to your accusation that I am an unfit nanny for your badly-behaving child... let me state for the record that you are unfit, unreliable and irresponsible." "Isn't that correct, Missus?" "Yes or no?" " Yes or no?" " Yes!" "I rest my case." "Excuse me." "I'm so smart!" "There!" "This is it." "Miss Stephanie, it's Alfie, are you ready to have your makeup done?" "Appear, appear, appear!" "No need for makeup here!" "Just a spritz here and there, throw your eyebrows in the air!" "Why are you dressed like that?" "Why?" "Are you mesmerized by my gorgeousness?" "You're envious aren't you?" "I have achieved perfection." "Here, help me with this." "Careful with the hair." "The hair is top priority." "Where are you going?" "To the beach, where the boys are." "But we're running late..." "Never mind that." "What about your makeup?" "Go!" "There!" "Stephanie?" "Stephanie, child." "This is insane." "A blast from the past." "Stephanie, is that you?" "Uh... yeah." "This is your Grandpa Bien." "Harold's grandfather." "Oh?" "I know this is hard to believe, but you must listen to me." "I don't know how I ended up in this body. I'm confused." "Okay." "Can you help me?" "Of course." "We'll discuss it." "Here." " Where?" " We'll talk." "Here." "Here." "Yes." "There." "Blasted pest!" "interfering with my plans." "Where have you been?" "We have so many clients to do." "Were you picking up boys on the beach?" "You have a job to do." " Toffee, do me first." " Excuse me, I got here first." "Excuse me, I'm the maid of honor and I go first." "Where are you going?" "Do the bridesmaids." " What's up, boys?" "Got a drink for me?" " Come on, guys, a drink for Stef." "Quick!" "Why don't we dance?" "Let's party." "Party!" "That's what I like!" "We're on the beach, we're so happy." "So." "Are you my first victim?" "Yes." "And hopefully your last." "Those are fighting words." "I may bite you." "Just say "Yes, I do" and I'm yours forever." "Oh my god." "Forever is a dangerous word." "Won't you get tired of me?" "Me get tired of you?" "lmpossible." "So where to?" "Your place or mine?" "Are you serious?" "Now?" "Yes." "Life is short." "And you are so hot." "Then again, that's where we're headed." "Why wait." "Let's go!" "We can have seconds and thirds." "Hi." "Hello, child." "I'd like a fresh look." "Fresh?" "The no makeup look." "You know." "Alright, let's try that." "But highlights on the cheekbones and nose, and a bit of blusher." "Thanks." "Here." " Look at that." "What a hunk." " What are you doing, Stef?" " You're making me crazy." " Stef, what are you doing?" "Delicious." "Babe, Stef, are you sure you want to do this?" "Yes!" "Absolutely!" " ls that your final answer?" " Yes, is that your final question?" "Stef." " Come on, let's go." " Stef, this isn't right." "What do you mean it's not right?" "Don't be so fussy." " Stef." " l need to make my quota, hurry." "But didn't you say you wanted our first time to be special?" "What!" "I said no such thing!" "Come on!" "Stef, we held back for 4 years." "4 years?" "I refrained for 4 years?" "Let's not break our oath now." "What oath?" "I have not signed any contract." "We made a pact, Stef." "We would do this the right way." "We would wait until we were married." "Married?" "Us?" "Yes, us." "You, me, here, later." "Later?" "Here?" "You, me?" "Us?" "My wife is so cute." "You never fail to surprise me." "I promise to take care of you, to cherish you forever... to make you happy every single moment of your life." "I love you." "Such things exist?" "Besides, it's just a few hours." "When the sun sets, we're legal." "See you later, Babe." "I'll be getting ready." "You too, okay?" "Catch you later, wifey." "I'm so fabulous!" "My God!" "There." "What have you done?" "You jerk!" "My apologies!" "I didn't know what I was doing." "Isn't that the fashion today?" "You look like a mascot." "This is a wedding, not a children's party." "You didn't become beautiful, you just got colorful." "You look like a fool." "You nitwit!" "What have you done!" "Sit down!" "Wait for me, lady." "Stop!" "Come back here!" "Miss, where are you going?" "You can't leave." "Nurse, I have a wedding to catch." "My very own." "Can't you understand?" "Man, she's really stoned." "I heard she's super-smart... that's how she lost her mind." "Poor thing." "Why am I in a straitjacket?" "Isn't this for crazy people?" "Do I look like a crazy person?" "Tell me." "The doctor says you're a threat to human life." "To yourself and others." "Believe me, I'm not crazy." "You can't lock me up, I'm getting married!" "Dad, here's the check for the resort and for the wedding package." "1 .5 million pesos?" "This is the price of a condo!" "I am not talking to you." "Dad, this includes all expenses, including guest lodgings." "Sign it, Dad." "It's the wedding of Harold, your first grandchild." "Dad, don't tell me you're signing that." "I have a million pesos in the bank?" "Dad?" "I have 1 .5 million?" "In this bank?" "Of course." "It's your personal account." "Here's the check for the wedding cake." "200,000 pesos for a lousy cake?" "Good Lord, 200,000 for cake?" "How many cakes, 200?" "Just one, but big, beautiful, and rich!" "Sign them, Dad." "It won't be long before you see your first great-grandchild." "Of course, Harold will name it after you." "What a suck-up." "Buttering up Dad again." "I will not stand for this anymore." "Why do you keep meddling in my affairs?" "What will you ask for next?" "The townhouse in Bel-Air?" "The house in Dasmariñas?" "The resthouse in Punta Fuego?" "And you, the building in Taguig!" "You've had your eye on that." "And the Mercedes Benz is in your name." "Why not?" "Who gets the rollover on Dad's dollar account?" "Did I ask for it?" "What are you doing here?" "I wanted to apologize." "Please forgive me." "You turned my face into a coloring book." "How dare you do makeup when you know nothing." "In truth I've never done that before." "I was forced to do it." "Don't cry, child." " We'll find a remedy." " What?" "One moment." "I don't know why you girls love putting gunk on your faces." "You look better without it." "More natural." "Your true beauty shines through." "I'm not beautiful." "That's not true." "Who told you that?" "Those floozies?" "You're beautiful." " Really?" " Yes." "In truth you resemble my deceased wife." "Wait." "You have a wife?" "I had one." "I was widowed a long time ago." "But aren't you gay?" "Gay?" "Gay as in queers, a boy who likes boys, a homosexual." " Who's gay?" " You are." "is that a challenge?" "Do you want me to prove my manhood?" "How?" "What's your name, child?" "Mariz." "Mariz." "Iñaki behaves badly because he sees how you behave." "Who else would he take after?" "That boy is growing up without a good male role model." "It's always my fault." "Why do you keep blaming me?" " l'm sick and tired of all this." " lf you're so sick and tired, then go." "I am going!" "I've been wanting to leave for a long time!" "Are you suggesting a separation?" "Fine, a separation." "Good, so I can have a little peace." "Order in the court!" "Are they always like this?" "It's their hobby." "Well. I know this advice is unsolicited... but if you're serious about separation... there's always Article 36, Chapter 3, entitled Void and Voidable Marriages." "The Family Code of the Phil." "Executive Order 209 as amended by E.O. 227." "Get an annulment." "It's easy." "Just expensive." "By the way, Missus, I'm borrowing this belt." "Oh, it's you again." "You didn't give me an answer." "Are you ready?" "I have no idea what you're talking about." "What we talked about before we came here." "Tonight, we elope." "Elope?" "Do people still do that?" "Would you rather get permission from our parents?" "Okay for me, but your parents won't let you." "Why wouldn't they let me marry?" "We've already discussed this." "It's time." "You yourself said you have to think about yourself for once." "You have a right to be happy." "You have a point." "This is your chance." "When we're married, they'll leave you alone." "You can refuse their demands, you'd have your own family." "Bad enough they never sent you to school... but they forced you to work as a nanny." "Your entire salary goes to them-- your parents, your brothers and sisters, even your dog lives off you." "So that's what that text message meant." "I thought it was a joke." "I feel bad for you." "Don't worry, I'll make you happy." "I don't care if I sweat blood, I'll work hard to give you a good life." "I will love you." "There!" "You look beautiful." "See?" "Really?" "Isn't it too old-fashioned?" " Of course not. lt suits you very well." " Look at the layering, it doesn't work." "Stef, this is what you wanted." "You designed this dress." "I asked you if you wanted the neckline lower, you said no." "I suggested we raise the hemline, you said no." "See?" "You look wonderful." "I should've made my own gown, it would've been a winner." "Princess, would you like me to send in the makeup artist... to tone down your makeup?" "Hell, Mother, with my beauty the makeup is not a problem." "Go, fly." "I have things to do." " You'll stay here and relax?" " Yes." "I'll see you." "Miss Mariz?" "It's Alfie the makeup artist. I'll do your face." "Miss Mariz?" "Oh my god, what's happening to you!" "Ma'am?" "It's your mealtime." "Sorry." "Excuse me, where's the exit?" "Nurse!" " Get her!" " She escaped!" " Don't let her leave this hospital!" " Sorry!" "Are you okay?" "Sorry." "Where's the exit?" "Show me the exit." "Thank you." " Mariz." "Mariz." " What?" "Mariz." "Ready for round two?" "I will be." "Now, woman:" "Who's gay?" "Please untie the knot in my back." " Sir, please untie me." "Please..." " Get away from me!" "Yummy." "The cake supplier sent a text." " What did she say?" " She'll be a little late." "If they screw up again, I'm not recommending them to my clients." "Good afternoon, Ma'am, Sir." "Lunatic!" "What are you doing there?" "Please don't give me away." "Could you please untie me?" "Do I look nuts to you?" "Would you like these earrings?" "How many carats?" "How do I get to the Virgin Beach Resort?" "I don't know, ask someone else." "Do these suit me?" "Harold, you can still back out." "You're nuts." "Of course." "There's no turning back." "Do you know how much your grandfather spent on this wedding?" "It's okay, Dad." "It's Brother Kim the smartest man on TV!" "How are you?" "That's too far for me." "Please, have pity on me." "Can you pay me?" "I don't have any cash." "Will this watch do?" "is it automatic?" "Could your tricycle go faster, please?" "Do you know what to do?" "Nanny, I've done this a million times." "If you're as cute as I am, everyone gets you to be ring-bearer." "You may be cute but your disposition isn't." "Fine." "Do you want me to walk out of here?" "Fine." "Do you want to be charged with breach of contract?" "How much longer will this take?" "Why of all times did your tricycle have to break down now?" "This will take a while." "Better find another ride." "What?" "Hello?" "Please let me hitch a ride." "Please give me a ride." " Where are you going?" " Virgin Beach Resort." "Sorry, that's out of the way." "Drop me off anywhere near the place..." " have mercy on me." " lt's out of the question." "Take this ring." "is this a precious gem?" "Of course." "I'll see you later, my love." "Alright, later." "Yucch!" "Thank you, Sir." "Be careful, there are lots of snakes there." "Go on, Mother, move it." "is that Stef?" " Stop!" "Stop!" "Where are you going?" " To my wedding?" " Do you have an invitation?" " l'm getting married!" "This is a private ceremony, you have to be invited." "I don't need an invitation, it's my wedding!" "I need to go to my wedding!" "Hey!" "Come back here!" "You can't go there!" " You can't go there!" " Let go of me!" "Ouch." "Harold, do you take Stephanie here to be your lawful wife... according to the rites of our Holy Mother Church?" "Do you give yourself to her as her husband?" "I do." "Stephanie, do you take Harold here to be your..." "Stop the wedding!" "Oh no, it's her." "Oh yes, it's me." "Precy, what are you doing here?" "You're making a scandal." "Go on, Father." "Go on, Father, ignore the bitch, hurry!" "Vanessa, you did a good job." "It's a beautiful wedding." "Come here." "It's okay." "Dad, you can't eat that." " Leave me alone." " Put it down!" "Let's dance." "Like this." " Best friend, throw it to me!" " One, two, three!" "I'll let you stay, but promise me you'll behave." "I promise to behave, Ma--My friend." "My friend." " You won't make trouble?" " l won't, I promise." "What happened to you?" "I don't know, but I'll find out." "Don't worry, I'll help you find a good doctor." "I'll tell the police to leave, but the nurses will stay." "Thank you." "Are you hungry?" "Do you want me to get you some dinner?" " Yes." " Okay, I won't be long." "Aaaaah!" "I don't know why or how you did it." "All I know is you're either a demon, an alien, or a voodoo doctor." "Excuse me, I don't know you." "Who are you, you witch, and what are you doing in my body?" "My body is a wonderland, your body is a wasteland." "Deal with it." "Animal!" "You stole my boyfriend, you took over my life... and you even destroyed my wedding gown!" "Destroyed?" "Take a good look." "I enhanced this outfit." "Give me back my life and my body!" "Tweet tweet, said the bird, you haven't heard the new policy." "No return, no exchange." "Why are you doing this to me?" "What have I ever done to you?" "I don't know!" "I figure it's my good karma and your bad karma." " You bitch!" " You witch!" "Give me back my life, you monster!" "You're the one who looks like a monster!" "Body snatcher!" "You look like a purse snatcher!" "Precy!" " Mom?" " Mom?" "Get your hands off my daughter!" "Where will I go, Mom?" "Can you just stay away from us, Precy?" "What will happen to me, Mom?" "I don't know what to do with you." "Get your life in order." "And please stop calling me Mom." "My goodness." "Mom." "Wait, what about Toffee?" "The truth is, I don't want to see him or speak to him again." "It's like he was possessed by a maniac." "He's worse than a Dirty Old Man, eww!" "And he banged the maid of honor!" " Disgusting!" " l know, right?" "Wait." "Why?" "Isn't this too much of a whirlwind relationship?" "I only met you now." "I don't want you to think I'm easy." "My love, we have all the time in the world to get to know each other." "Can't we enjoy ourselves for now?" "Wait. I don't even know anything about you." "What do you want to know?" "Like, where did you grow up?" "How old are you?" "Were you a Spanish major?" "Mariz, I have a confession to make." "Listen. I say this because I like you." "But you must promise to try to understand me." "Something happened today." "I was in an accident." "My love." "I'm not a beautician." "My name isn't Toffee." "Then who are you?" "What are you?" "Yes, who and what are you?" "You're Harold's grandfather?" "Yes, and you?" "I'm Stephanie, your granddaughter-in-law-to-be." "Stephanie?" "Yes, I am trapped in my godmother Precy's body." "I don't know how it happened." "How did you end up in the body of a beautician?" "I mean, image stylist." "I don't know. I just woke up and I looked like this." "Strong, fast, young." "Grandpa Bien, you have to help me." "We must fix this, it's not right." "But it's okay." "If you're in Toffee's body, where's your body?" "Lunatics!" "Whackos!" "Wait, my love!" "Get away from me!" "You're so weird!" "And you, whoever you say you are, you're out of your mind!" "Go into rehab!" " Mariz, calm down." " Go away!" "I am Stephanie, your best friend from high school." "Believe me." "Prove it." "Your handsome prom date that you said was your boyfriend... was really your cousin." "Your first kiss was with the girls' basketball team captain." "And you lost your virginity when you were 17... to someone you just met on the Internet." "Stop it." "Stef?" "Help me, please." "Who are you, and what are you doing in Grandfather Bien's body?" "Please answer." "We're not going to hurt you." "I don't know." "I have no idea how this happened." "All I remember... is reading The Legend of the Lanzones to the boy I take care of." "When I woke up, I was like this." "In Tagalog, please." "I said, I don't know what happened, Ma'am." "When I woke up, I was like this." "Right now I feel dizzy and my nape feels tight." "Damn it!" "What time is it?" "Here, drink this." "All of these." "What did you eat at the buffet?" " Why, Sir?" "What food can't you eat?" " Everything!" "Sir, you're so rich." "You have so many houses, tracts of land... so much money in the bank." "I saw your checkbook." "Sir, could I get an advance, I mean a loan?" "My checkbooks are of no use to you, since you don't know my signature." "That's easy. I could just trace it." "Which boy do you take care of, and which cottage is his family in?" "Come on!" "Sssh!" "Don't wake the monster." " Where are we going?" " Just come with me." "As long as we're together." " Take me wherever you want. I'm yours." " You won't regret this." "Where are you going?" "You mean you believed his lines?" "You agreed to elope with him?" "I've rejected him many times." "Why?" "is he of questionable character?" "Does he have a criminal record?" "is he a womanizer, alcoholic, gambler?" " No, Ma'am." " Then what?" "He's a nice person, but dirt-poor." "What kind of future would I have with him?" "Godmother, how could you allow it to come to this?" "You could've stopped it." "Apologies are in order, I know." "You have to understand:" "he offered me marriage." "Marriage!" "How could I say no?" "What?" "You don't care that he's just a driver?" " lt's like this." " Wait." "You're not Medelyn?" "No." "Which one is Medelyn?" "Me." "Then who are you?" "Her." "Huh?" "Welcome to the club." "It's like this." "I'm in Godmother's body, she's in Nanny's... and Nanny's in Grandfather's." "Grandfather is in the beautician." "And the beautician..." "Godmother, there's a gay man inside my body!" "My God." "Damn, where'd you learn that from?" "Fantastic, my wife is great." "Take it off!" "Stop the meaning of this!" " What's happening?" " Obscene!" "What can I say but congratulations to all of you." "You're very good at connecting the dots." "How dare you." "You stole my wedding and now you're stealing my honeymoon." "is it my fault?" "You deceived my mom, my boyfriend, everyone at the wedding." "Well if I didn't go through with the wedding... it would've been more embarrassing." "I played along with your plans, you should thank me." "Give me back my body!" "No way, sister." "Finders keepers, losers weepers." "Wait." "You mean I'm not married to you, but to him?" "Yes, my son." "You've been swindled." "Would you have preferred to marry your godmother?" "But you're not Stephanie." "You're not the woman I love and I certainly don't know you." "Don't get dramatic." "If you don't want me, we'll call it off." "There are tons of men out there." "We can get an annulment quickly, there's a lawyer right there." "Anyway I'm too hot to handle." "I'm too hot to be tied down." "You don't get it." "You can't go on living in my body." "Stef, try to follow." "I have ten words for you." "I can't let you stop me from enjoying this body." "You can't possibly understand me because you are not gay men!" " l need to use this body." " That is so unfair." "Have you found a remedy?" "A solution?" "None!" "As I see it, you, Stephanie... are the only one who doesn't like the new arrangement." "Nanny?" "You don't understand how poor my family is in the province." "I love my family, I'm prepared to make sacrifices for them." "If Grandfather will pay me, I can live in this body." "Grandfather Bien?" "You don't understand, child, you're young." "You've never experienced rheumatism or arthritis or heart disease or impotence." "Damn it, it's hard to decline Nanny's offer." "Godmother?" "My darling Stephanie, for the first time in my career I'm at a loss for words." "My brain is about to explode." "I cannot nail this case, I demand a recess." "Babe, I'm sorry." "It's not your fault." "It's nobody's fault." "Wait, where's Toffee?" "There!" "Toffee, come back here!" "Where are you going?" "None of your business, I'm going to find a man!" " What are you going to do with my body?" " Let me use it!" "Just once!" "Come back here!" "Stop that gay!" "You queer, come back here!" "Hey!" "Tie her up tightly." "Who knows where this queer might take your wife's body." "This will do until we think of a solution." "Tie up her feet!" "I'll tighten these knots." "Godmother?" "Excuse me." "What's the matter?" "I have a request to make of you." "What is it?" "Isn't it still my wedding night?" "Yes." "And you are my godmother." "May I have your permission to use your body on my honeymoon?" "Sure, why not, why would I deny you that body?" "Thank you, Godmother." "You can do it." "You can do it." "Just focus." "Focus." "Close your eyes." "Sorry, I can't do this." "Yes you can." "Just keep your eyes closed." "Or look away." "Or think happy thoughts." "You can do it." "Shall I turn off the lights?" "Cover my face with a pillow?" "What do you want me to do?" "Stef, don't be like that." "I just want our honeymoon to be memorable." "Trust me, this is not easy to forget." "I just want us to be happy." "But this is not why I married you." "What are we going to do?" "We'll ask for help." "From whom?" "Brother Kim." "We need your help." "You were all involved in an accident recently, correct?" "And when you woke up, your souls had exchanged bodies." "Amazing." "My theory is that the accident was not the only factor in this event." "The eclipse may have something to do with it." "Did you know that there are three types of eclipses?" "There's the lunar eclipse that happens once a year... the partial solar eclipse that happens twice a year... and the total solar eclipse that happens every 400 years." "Wait a second." "What does the eclipse have to do with our condition?" "Good question, Attorney." "It may be connected to the magnetic pull of the sun... the magnetic pull of the moon, the impact of the vehicles... which led to what we call the soul displacement." "The soul is a form of energy that is all around us... though invisible." "Like magnetism." "Where did the accident take place?" "On Magnetic Hill." "Magnetic Hill." "The magnet may have something to do with solar and lunar gravity... resulting in your condition." "So what?" "Elaborate further." "Proceed." "Brother Kim, what if we repeat the accident at the same spot?" "Good thinking." "Affirmative." " Did you know that..." " Trivia!" "Trivia again!" "Did you know that if you'd listened to my trivia... you wouldn't be planning that?" "No matter how many accidents you make, if there is no eclipse it wouldn't work." "How frequently does a solar eclipse occur?" "Once every 2 years." "2 years!" "Two years, said Brother Kim." "How could we do it without informing the people closest to us?" "Now Mom, can I call you Mom?" "Princess?" "Mom." "We agreed to isolate ourselves in the old house of Grandfather Bien." "Not everyone was easy to live with, but it was necessary." "We had to take care of the bodies we had borrowed." "Especially Grandfather Bien's." "Birthdays passed, Christmases and special occasions." "And the ordinary days of our lives." "We prepared for the day of the next eclipse." "Strengthened our bodies." "Built up our resistance." "On the side, romance blossomed." "There were arguments." "And there were those who had no choice but to wait." " Good night, Babe." " Night, Baby." "Happy Anniversary!" "Princess, Harold." " Happy Anniversary, Babe." " Happy Anniversary." "Listen. I would like to propose a toast." "To Stephanie and Harold, Happy Second Anniversary to you." "May you live a life of happiness." "And to all of us, I hope all will be well." "Good luck to all of us." " Salute!" " Salute!" "An eclipse is a type of syzygy." "Syzygy is the alignment of 3 heavenly bodies... the earth, sun, and moon, forming an umbra..." "Are you alright?" "I'm alright but I can't watch this." " Okay." " Thanks." "Are you sure about this?" "It's worth a try." "It might kill us." "We can do this." "Drivers, make sure your seatbelts are secure." "You cannot drive below 100 miles per hour." "Did you know that eclipse comes from the Greek word ekleipsis. .." "meaning "to disappear", because the sun apparently disappears..." "And the eclipse lasts no longer than 7 minutes so we must hurry." "Ready, get set, go!" "Babe, are you okay?" "is that you, Stef?" "Who are you calling baby?" "Ouch, I hurt all over." "I think I dislocated my tonsils." " Stef..." " Son of a..." "Harold!" "Look what you've done to your grandfather." "You made him a grandmother!" "Fix this or I'll disinherit you!" "Stef, is that you?" "Well, this body will do for me." "Foreigners love the exotic beauty." "Stef?" "I object!" "Never in my wildest dreams!" "I don't like this one bit!" "Fix this, or I'll have you thrown in prison!" "I object!" "Stef?" "is that you?" "It's me, Stef." "This is the worst yet, I'm trapped in your grandfather's body." "I'll fix it, I promise." "One more time!" "One, two, three, go!" " Stef, is that you?" " You stupid child!" "You have no respect for your grandfather!" "What is this, another woman?" "And your wife!" "Stef?" "This is insane, I'm a girl again!" "Not my type, there's a lot of reconstruction to be done." "Liposuction, noselift, general overhaul." "I'll need a huge budget!" "Stephanie?" "This is preposterous, this is absurd, this is beyond illegal." "I demand that I be removed from this decrepit body." "is that correct or not?" "Stef?" "Sir, I'll serve for free in your household for the rest of my life... just put me back in my old body." "Stephanie?" "Yes, Babe, it's me." "Let's try it again, we still have time." "Okay. I love you." "We still have time." "One, two, three!" "Stef, tell me that's you." "Ouch, that hurts!" "This is your godmother Precy." "This is not acceptable in any court of law. I object!" "Stef, is that you?" "My family may not recognize me." "We still have time." "Don't leave me this way." "Please don't, Sir, don't." "Stef?" "Idiot!" "This is your grandfather Bien." "You've turned me into a maid." "Do something." " Quickly!" "Now!" " Yes, Sir." "This is a whole new level of crazy!" "Markova, is that you?" "This is not my thing, it's too weird!" "Stef?" "Babe, this won't do." "This really won't do." "One more time, we have time for one more!" "Okay, ready, set, go!" "Yes, Linda, how are the dogs?" "How is Bogart?" "Tell Driver Pedring to bring the other car around and fetch me." "Vertigo?" "What other rich person's ailment has that driver contracted?" "What's his next excuse, a slipped disc?" "Skin asthma?" "Acid reflux?" "Oh, hello." "Flowers for you." "Why, thank you." "Where did you buy that?" "I just picked them outside." "Tell Pedring I never want to see his face again." "Yes, I've found someone else to drive me." "Here." "Beautiful bougainvilleas!" "Dad, go to the pharmacy for Nanny's medication." "Iñaki, go to the pharmacy for Nanny's medication." "Why me?" "Why are you sending the child?" "Let's go to the pharmacy." "What are you doing?" "You're vandalizing my cast, like the door of a public toilet." "You brat, you'll never change." "Nanny, look." "Oh." "Thank you, Iñaki, you're very sweet today." "Wait, why do I have horns here?" "You're being bad again." "Fine." "Tonight The Ring will get you." "Then The Grudge." "Then finally Shutter." "They'll get you later this evening." "Nanny, stop scaring me." "Iñaki." "You're so fat." "No more eggs and bacon for you." "From now on, just lanzones." " How is he?" " He's fine." "How's he?" "Dad?" "is that you?" " Yes." " How are you?" "Just a minor fracture." "Did you think it was the end of me?" "Dad, don't talk like that." "I'm going to live for many years." "You'll have to wait a long time to get your inheritance." "That is, if you can get it." "Mariz, my love, come here." "I want you to know that this family is having another wedding... and she will become your new mother." "Greetings, my future stepsons." "Kiss her hand, don't be rude." "I don't like it here." "My old voice is back." "I had it!" "It was in my grasp!" "Excuse me, Sir, time for your medicine." "Ooh lovely." " Drink this so you'll get stronger." " Okay." "Sir, time for your dinner." "I like it." "Come in." "Time for your sponge bath, Sir." "I have it!" "It's all mine!" "Ouch." "Start here, my hand hurts." "I'll take my meds later, let me eat first." "Bathe me." "Gently." "Ouch!" "That's too cold." "I love you, Babe." "I love you too, Babe." "Babe, technically we haven't had our honeymoon." "Yes, Babe, technically not." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Are you feeling what I'm feeling, Babe?" "We've waited 6 years for this." "Right now?" "Let's do it." "Ouch." "Hug." "Ouch." "Kiss." "One more?" "But one thing bothers me." "Why did the 5 of us exchange bodies?" "Why not Mom, or the driver, or Butch, the nurse?" "Brother Kim consulted a psychic." "Let's all hold hands." "Close your eyes." "The psychic said our souls had been connected for a long time." "A long, long time." "As in a long, long, long, long time."