"Hey, you..." "Hey." "We spent the night together." "Yeah." "Asleep!" "You're not the 11th man I've slept with." "If you're so preoccupied with this numbers and averages crap then there's just no point is there?" "You slept with someone else." "Honeymoon's over." "If it is, you'll have to decide what to do with the presents." "People have spent a lot." "It was that Junior Registrar." "The sexy Spanish one." "I mean it." "I can't get you out of my head." "Eddie McGee!" "Wow!" "Twins." "I'm hoping the next one is a girl." "Well, I am." "She doesn't care." "I hope Ed can find a parking space." "Quick!" "Just leave the keys in." "She's in a side room." "It's all happening." "You can't fight your feelings, Saz." "Of course you can." "Feelings?" "Feelings are crap." "Dan!" "# Oh, well, in five years' time we could be walking round a zoo" "# With the sun shining down over me and you" "# And there'll be love in the bodies of the elephants too" "# I'll put my hands over your eyes, but you'll peek through" "# And there'll be # Sun, sun, sun" "# All down our necks" "# And there'll be # Sun, sun, sun" "# So what the heck?" "#" "Ladies first." "After you." "# THEME FROM THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY" "What are you doing?" "Well, this is not one item." "See?" "What are you doing?" "Well, this is not one item." "See?" "Three saucepans." "OK." "Have it in the week." "I'll take it weekends and half the school break." "(DAN SIGHS)" "What are we doing?" "I don't care about this stuff." "Gracias." "I told you..." "I told you, she went back to Madrid to finish her training." "She only been back at the hospital a couple of weeks." "Even if Alicia and I had been at it like rabbits on Viagra the whole time we were planning our wedding, which we weren't " "(MOCKS IN FAKE SPANISH) Alicia?" "That's her name." "Yes?" "Shut up!" "Which we weren't, you still wouldn't have a leg to stand on." "I wasn't the one sticking my tongue down that Aussie's throat." "Look, just take what you like and leave what you don't want." "We can discuss it later." "Oh, no." "Forget it." "This is classic." "You walking out and pretending to be the reasonable one so I get to sort everything." "Oh, by the way, I Googled it." "We can get an annulment." "You know because we didn't... consummate." "We have to apply for something called Annulity Petition." "And that's that." "Dan!" "Actually, can you leave those speakers?" "Because I wanted those." "And I know you don't care about them." "MOBILE" "MESSAGE READS:" "Really want 2 talk." "Call me." "XXX." "Alex." "I don't see why she can't be told, Shirl." "You know what she's like!" "I do." "She's never gonna be different if you treat her like she's five." "Beth's the coper;" "Saz is the worrier." "Just like me." "Shirley, I am not dying." "For God's sake!" "Don't tempt fate." "What the hell is going on?" "What's this about you dying?" "What are you doing with those?" "I'm not." "I just had some tests on my prostate, that's all." "Your mother didn't want to worry you." "Len." "Tests?" "You mean cancer?" "Well, that's part of a spectrum of possibilities." "Doctor's speak." "Gobbledegook." "It's not unusual for men of my age to have trouble with their waterworks." "So we didn't want to worry you until we know what's happening." "I can't believe you haven't told me about this." "You've had a lot on your plate but now you know." "Are you...in pain?" "No." "Well, the odd twinge now and again." "I am not dying." "End of." "God." "(SOBS) I really can't." "Shirl..." "Don't worry." "Shirley!" "Anyone?" "There must be someone with some idea of how to solve this." "The first step." "Well, don't look at me." "Look at the information." "That's all you can do." "Look at the information and see if it offers a solution." "Hey." "Saz." "Of for God's sake!" "What?" "You stalking me?" "I could say the same thing about you." "I don't know what your excuse is but I'm seeing Leanne." "Don't let me stop you." "I've got a lot on my mind at the moment, OK?" "This is a nonstarter." "I mean, you're with Leanne and that is final." "What if I weren't?" "You need to sort yourself out." "OK." "There's an 82% survival rate over five years but that doesn't " "Hi." "That doesn't seem to take into account the timing of diagnosis." "Do you mind if I talk this through with Dan for a sec?" "Sure." "I need to get these to haematology." "I'll page you." "Do." "Thanks." "Prostate cancer." "I know it's not your area." "I thought you might be able to point me in the right direction." "I just can't seem to make it add up." "Whoa!" "Slow down, Tiger." "Who's got prostate cancer?" "Not Len?" "Saz..." "Saz." "Saz." "Saz." "Are you out of your frigging mind?" "Hey!" "Come here." "Right." "When did you hear about this?" "A couple of hours ago." "It's times like this when the Internet is so useful." "The Internet is the last place you should be looking." "Have you spoken to Len?" "Has he had a diagnosis?" "He's waiting for the test results." "So what possible good can all this do?" "Come and see me." "Great." "Cos you're worried about Len." "I may be able to help you, you know?" "But don't bury yourself in your abstract little world of data and expect me to give you a round of applause." "I don't need your approval, you arrogant arsehole!" "I need your professional advice." "You need ME." "You ever think of that?" "OK." "In which case you can try NHS Direct." "It's fine about the petition thing, by the way." "Annulling the marriage." "Do whatever you need to do." "I'll sign on the dotted line." "Shit." "Get off me!" "Calm down." "GET OFF ME!" "Get off!" "GET OFF ME!" "Don't touch me." "You've seen him." "I'll do the same to you!" "I swear!" "Leanne?" "The crazy idiot has only gone and chucked me, hasn't he?" "I told him." "Nobody chucks me." "Not for no reason." "I mean the sex is still amazing." "You know that." "Quantity as well as quality." "I'm calm." "All right?" "I'm calm." "How STUPID do you think I am?" "!" "Calm down." "I'm not sure what I'm feeling." "I mean, it's so bleedin' obvious, isn't it, Saz?" "He's doing someone else." "What do you think?" "Very nice." "You could do with a bit more room round the arms." "It's for Ed and Audrey's new baby." "They've invited to me this christening, naming ceremony thing." "Come to think of it, they'll probably invite Leanne as well." "Oooh!" "Does she know that you snogged her bloke?" "Ex-bloke." "Of course not." "You're crazy." "And there is no need for her to know, is there?" "Because it was definitely a one-off." "Did you hear that?" "I thought air bubbles but I've checked upstairs." "I reckon it's a dodgy valve." "So, do I call the plumber out?" "Nah." "Nah." "He'll charge you an arm and a leg for a part I can get for a few quid." "I'll pop down there now." "I know but we're really broke." "And it helps keep his mind off the tests." "Business as usual." "BOTH:" "Dodgy!" "What?" "Oh, I just said I'll come with you." "OK." "Come on, then." "See you." "New Volvo." "Len, I'm 28 years old." "Black Ford over there. 31 is not a prime number." "Of course it is." "First time I ever met you you taught me this game." "You were the only one of Mum's boyfriends who ever got it." "Yeah." "I will be moving out, you know." "Take your time." "I like having you around." "You should be thinking about yourself not worrying about me." "So don't." "OK." "I'll be fine." "I don't think I'm gonna hang around till Dan and I have sold the house." "Saz, has it really gone that far?" "Yeah." "Well beyond that far." "As far as you can think to the power of ten." "You know, Saz... a marriage isn't like an exam." ""I do" and bosh!" "You find out if you've passed or not." "It's more like that nonsense you teach at school nowadays." "A substitute for exams." "Continuous assessment." "Exactly." "Years and years of it." "Sometimes you get an A. Sometimes a D minus." "You know?" "It's not that profound." "It's a Tuesday, isn't it?" "Usually the early shift." "# SPANISH MUSIC" "You were right." "I don't care about them." "I've been thinking about my number thing." "OK." "My BIG number thing." "I mean..." "The fact I've slept with Ade and Mr Elwood." "And if Mr Elwood has any power to influence the way I live life now..." "Toilets aren't working properly." "What's she...?" "What are you doing here?" "I stay." "Wait." "She doesn't mean..." "It isn't..." "You're staying in our flat?" "No!" "Yes." "For the night only." "Oh." "Well, if it's only for the night (!" ")" "No." "It isn't like that." "It's Dan's idea." "Yes." "I bet it is." "Saz!" "Hang on!" "Wait!" "MOBILE" "# Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen" "# Pour myself a cup of ambition" "# And yawning, stretching trying to come alive" "# Jump in the shower and... # ..the blood starts pumping" "# Out on the street the traffic starts jumping" "# For folks like me on the job from nine to five" "# Working nine to five what a way to make a living #" "You know, this is in strict violation of my drinking rules." "Go on!" "It's practically good for you." "So, no drinking during the week but it's OK on weekends." "Says who?" "The Booze Squad?" "Hm-mm." "Ha." "Right." "So..." "What are your other rules?" "Erm... beer before wine makes you feel fine, wine before beer makes you feel queer." "No Breezers." "Except on holidays." "No spirits, except at Christmas." "Diet mixers only." "Stop after No.4 and avoid all blue drinks." "And that's just alcohol, obviously." "Fantastic." "Sometimes, at night, I find myself counting up how many portions of fruit and veg I've had to make sure I've had five a day." "I don't know whether to laugh or cry." "So...erm..." "You split up with Leanne." "No kidding." "It still hurts when I cough." "(LAUGHS)" "Erm... ..I can't sleep with you, Alex." "I'm just exaggerating." "Everything is still good." "Another rule." "Am I right?" "Still interested?" "Hm." "You know, I think you should get up there." "I think you're right." "Fair enough." "No, really, Alex..." "I'm not..." "When a girl says no, I respect it." "Excuse me." "I really do." "Fine." "No, you just stay there." "You were excellent, by the way." "That was really..." "Wasn't he good?" "He was really good." "Wait." "# When I was a little girl, I had a rag doll..." "It's true" "# The only doll I've ever oooowwnneed" "# Now I love you just the way I loved that rag doll" "# Now I love you just the way I loved that rag doll" "# But now my love for you has grown" "# It gets stronger every day" "# It gets stronger every day" "# And it gets deeper, let me say" "MOBILE" "# And it gets higher day-by-day" "Dan?" "Hello?" "Saz?" "Saz?" "Sorry?" "Sorry?" "What?" "# River deep, mountain high" "I'm sorry." "I'm in a bar." "I'll call you tomorrow." "Bye." "THE MOBILE GOES DEAD" "Dan, would you like a glass of wine?" "# Oh, how I love you, baby!" "# Baby, yeah, baby!" "#" "Is Alex going to become my new Mr Eleven?" "It might help to be aware of all the factors in play." "Not only that date but... ..a date two..." "..a date three and... we went out tonight." "Thanks for this, Saz." "It's boiling in here." "We haven't been able to adjust the heating since Len fiddled with it." "Just open the windows." "We've got five minutes till the start." "Chester shouldn't wake up but if he does, there's a bottle in the fridge." "Missy can watch to the end of the DVD and she's had her medicine." "Is she ill?" "Worms." "Itchy bum." "We've all had it." "A pasta bake is in the fridge if you haven't eaten." "Home-made." "I'm fine." "Go." "You'll be late." "I don't know about this coat with these jeans." "You look great." "MOBILE" "Hello?" "Hey, it's me." "Wondering if you were up for more non-penetrative good times." "Sorry, I'm baby-sitting for my sister." "I could come round if you like." "Pick up a pizza on the way." "You know what?" "Pizza sounds great." "Cool." "Bye." "DOORBELL RINGS" "Whoa!" "American Hot." "The heating's on the way out." "Oh...er...this is Missy." "She's four." "This is Alex." "Where's Dan?" "Fast asleep." "Finally." "So, you're great with kids as well as everything else?" "I haven't tried your cooking." "It's fantastic." "Alex..." "Am I being fair to you?" "Cos the no sex thing..." "It's not that I don't want to have sex with you..." "Obviously, you're gorgeous and everything." "It's... ..me and men." "I've realised with everything that's happened," "I can't make a decision." "Not properly." "What?" "Oh, no!" "That's not cool." "It must be a major pipe that's gone." "Len's been playing around with the heating." "What about the kids?" "If they can sleep through it, leave them." "We're going to need to move the downstairs furniture." "Know where the mains tap is?" "Mains tap." "It's OK." "Forget it." "Alex!" "Yeah." "Can you put me through to emergencies?" "Is Keith around?" "There go the fuses." "Saz, I'm gonna check the tank see if I can switch off the water." "Ring your sister and find a torch." "Torch." "Torch." "Torch." "# Ooh, watching the people get lairy" "# It's not very pretty, I tell you" "# Your tale is quite scary" "# And not very sensible either" "# A friend of a friend he got beaten" "Saz, hurry up with that torch!" "# It would never have happened to Smeaton" "I've found it!" "I'm coming!" "It's OK." "The tap is in here." "You'll have to give a hand." "I need some light." "On the TAP." "Sorry." "Sorry." "Come on." "Hurry up!" "# I predict a riot" "(BURSTS OUT LAUGHING)" "Well, that was exciting." "Hm." "THE BABY CRIES" "Now, believe me it looks a lot worse than it is." "I've checked out your insurance documents." "They'll cover it." "I've called these fierce clean-up guys who will arrive in the morning." "I even know a good decorator." "Thanks." "I wouldn't mind but the film was really crap." "Sure you don't want me to stay?" "No, I'll call you in the morning." "Sure you don't want to get out of these wet clothes?" "# Say what?" "# Give it to me" "# Say what?" "# Give it to me, give it to me" "# Give it to me, give it to me, give me the stuff that's sweet #" "There you go." "Oh, I was gonna suggest a club." "There's a pub in Stockwell that does a regular Rocky Horror night." "Maybe we could just do our own street theatre." "I like it." "I like it a lot." "Goddamit!" "It was going so well." "Actually..." "# Come over here" "# All you've got is this moment" "# 21st Century is yesterday" "# I've got to let you know" "# I've got to let you know" "# Hi, Tiger" "# Teach me tiger how to kiss you" "'So, according to my calculations, this is my Mr Eleven.'" "'So, according to my calculations, this is my Mr Eleven.'" "# Kiss you" "# Wah, wah, wah, wah" "# Take my lips, they belong to you" "# Take my lips, they belong to you" "Morning." "Morning." "What you got going on today?" "I've got a party for my friend's baby." "You know, the parking space people." "Hm-mm." "Want to come?" "Going like that?" "Obviously I'll have to pick up some clothes." "Not yet." "# I know that you could love me too #" "# I know that you could love me too #" "The behaviour of the sine, cosine and tangent functions may be represented graphically..." "What?" "Well, I'm not drawing you a diagram." "I hope you don't expect me to defend you if Leanne's at this party." "She may go for you first." "Oh, true." "Oh, hang on a sec." "(SIGHS) They weren't the greatest choice, were they?" "I don't know." "I love these shoes." "Ooh." "You got a thing about your height?" "Of course not." "It's just a bit inconsiderate, that's all." "Only a short guy would have a thing about his height." "Or a bloke of average height who wanted to be taller." "I suppose they make you look thinner." "Well, that's why women wear heels." "To make themselves look thinner." "Make their legs look longer." "Right." "So I'm fat now with short legs?" "As well as inconsiderate?" "Well, you have to admit, Saz, you do put yourself first." "Fair does, so do I. It's something we have in common." "No, it isn't." "You know, let's face it, we don't have much in common at all, do we?" "That's not true." "I have an ego." "I'll admit it." "I have to be the best at whatever I do." "And so do you." "Well, I don't have to be tallest." "Why are you wearing four-inch heels?" "Oh, for God's sake!" "BUZZER Hey, it's Saz." "Did we have anything in common when we were going out?" "Sorry." "Sorry." "For the baby." "Ed." "Alex." "Alex." "Ed." "Hi." "Hi." "Have a drink." "Yeah." "The coast is clear." "No Leanne." "Right." "Cheers." "Cheers." "Er..." "Remember Audrey." "This is Saz." "Lovely to see you." "How are you?" "And Alex." "Hi." "Hello." "Thank God the rain has held off." "You know it's a naming ceremony not a christening." "Strictly no religion." "I just want that to be clear." "Do you know anyone here?" "Who can I introduce you to?" "# Beautiful, I've sunshine enough to spread" "# Beautiful, I've sunshine enough to spread" "# It's just like the fella said" "# Tell me quick, ain't love a kick in the head?" "#" "Just wanted to say thanks to all of you for coming and welcome to Tia who got here a little bit early." "Erm...we are gonna have something like this for Zack and Joel but we didn't so we're gonna give them something for their birthday." "What the hell are you doing here?" "Alicia asked me." "They invited her because she helped deliver their baby." "She's not that confident about her English." "I said I'd kind of hold her hand." "Is that what you were holding?" "You know what?" "This is really none of your business." "Let me take care of him, Saz." "Excuse me." "Alex!" "It's all right." "Come here." "Are you trying to make a scene." "Trying to make people uncomfortable?" "I'm - So what's the problem, mate?" "But since we intend to raise her and the boys to make their own decisions about their religious beliefs..." "What the hell are you doing?" "You are my wife whether you like it or not." "Only on paper according to you and your lawyer because we didn't even consummate." "Don't you dare lay this all on Alex, OK?" "Oh, no." "Cos Alex is a good guy." "Yeah, diamond geezer." "Discussing your sexual history at our wedding." "I didn't have an agenda." "I didn't want it to be awkward." "Things are pretty bloody awkward now, wouldn't you say?" "This was supposed to be between me and you." "I'm really very sorry." "She's a beautiful baby." "MOBILE" "Hi, Beth." "Oh, God!" "We're never gonna get a cab round here." "Can you hurry up?" "He's probably at the hospital by now." "Saz, is it really gonna serve any purpose me coming with you?" "Serve any purpose?" "I don't know your step dad." "Your mum might find me turning up a bit intrusive." "There's a chance of Leanne being there." "Have you thought of that?" "The last thing you want is for her to go off on one during all this." "You're right." "I never thought about that." "I can get a cab here in five." "If you really need me once you are there, Leanne or no Leanne," "I'm just a phone call away." "OK." "Hey, it'll be OK." "How is he?" "Don't know yet." "He's lost a lot of blood." "Oh, no." "They don't even know if it's anything to do with his prostate." "He got up to make a cup of tea before Countdown and the next thing I know I heard him call my name, "Shirl!"" "Then that was it." "(SOBS) He was flat out on the kitchen floor." "You can't see anything." "It's just a whole lot of tubes." "Where on earth did you get those shoes?" "I hope it's not tea." "I detest tea from the machine." "Always takes me back to when they told me about your dad." "Well, you won't remember." "Of course I remember." "I kept it from you." "You were too little." "It was different with Beth." "She was old enough to understand." "Mum..." "I remember." "You crying." "Dad's coat." "With the buttons." "Those big buttons like boiled sweets." "Six of them." "But when you came back from the hospital, there was one missing." "One up from the bottom." "I remember thinking..." ""That's why he's ill."" "Because there are only five buttons and he needed there to be six." "And I felt like if I could just find... find it and sew it back on..." "I couldn't even sew but.." "If I had have done then he wouldn't have died." "Oh." "Don't they do Cappuccino, then?" "MOBILE" "What are you doing in there?" "Dan." "I heard as soon as I came on shift." "Obviously, I wanted to keep an eye on things." "Is he gonna be all right?" "Well, there's still some internal bleeding, although it's slowed down." "Well, there's still some internal bleeding, although it's slowed down." "Sorting that out is a bit of a priority at the moment." "Look, I'm sorry I haven't got better news." "But his blood pressure has stabilised and the surgeon is doing everything he can." "Look, Shirley, why don't you let Beth take you home?" "It's a good idea, Mum." "Len would say the same." "He's not gonna come round from the general for a few hours." "Look, try not to worry." "He's in good hands." "Len's a relatively young man." "Now, he's in good health generally." "He's never had any heart problems which can be a weak spot in this sort of situation." "The scan indicates some kind of mass in the abdomen but till we get in there, it's really anyone's guess what that is." "It could be blood pooled in the abdominal cavity or it could..." "Saz, are you OK?" "Me?" "Yeah." "You." "I think we should be concentrating on Len." "OK." "I'll see you in a bit." "It'll be all right." "Hey." "Hey." "We're all done." "He's sleeping it off." "And?" "And it looks like something called Meckel's Diverticulum." "It's this little pouch in the bowel, which, in Len's case, got infected and burst." "Hence the haemorrhaging." "Does that mean... that it's nothing to do with cancer?" "Absolutely sweet FA." "Has nothing to do with cancer." "Although the Meckel's Diverticulum does explain the problems Len's been having." "It's something left over from the development of the umbilical cord." "Strangely, it's something that only happens once in a blue moon." "Hey." "Hey." "It's all right." "I know." "Can't wait for him to criticise how we've stitched him up." "Should have used the glue gun, mate." "IN UNISON:" "Dod-gy!" "Look, Saz..." "About the other night when you saw Alicia at the flat..." "Can we not do this now?" "Really?" "Yeah." "Of course." "Fair enough." "Don't you want to go see him?" "Come on, then." "Hi." "Sazzy." "How are you feeling?" "Oh..." "Not 100% to be honest." "This thing..." "Oi!" "Oi!" "Leave that dressing alone, thank you very much." "Looks dodgy to me." "You two haven't made it up, have you?" "No." "Humph!" "It must be the drugs." "Can I have some more?" "Hey, Saz..." "Thought you could probably do with some TLC." "Oh, God." "That is so sweet." "But I need to pick up a few things for Len first." "A couple of hours." "Shower." "Shag." "Sausage sandwich." "I do these incredible onions - fry them slowly with sugar and paprika." "I'm sorry." "Len's just woken up and we should be there with him." "I appreciate the offer, though." "Really." "OK." "I suppose I could bung the sausages in the freezer." "I spent a fortune here." "Well, I didn't ask you to." "I suppose I assumed you'd want to spend more time with me." "Alex..." "I have been in the shoes from hell for 19 hours." "My step dad has narrowly escaped death." "To be honest, felt randier." "It's not about the sex." "Really?" "Didn't see you just offer me a shower and a sausage." "That was the... the thing with the same letters." "Anagrams." "Forget it." "You're right." "Bad timing." "I'll see you later." "Alliteration." "Gesundheit." "Call me when you know what is happening." "Wait!" "Alex..." "Look, you're gorgeous and I fancy you rotten." "And it was fantastic." "And if I believed in this numbers thing, this would put a lid on it but it's what Beth said." "I have got to stop counting and start feeling and... you just don't feel like what I thought Mr Eleven would feel like." "You just don't feel like Mr Right." "Seven." "Bollocks." "No." "No." "Hang on." "It can't be." "Not if..." "Oh." "It's not like me, is it?" "Well, we all make mistakes, Saz." "I mean, look at this." "Complete toss." "But your mum loves it." "Diets. horoscopes." "All that." "If it was up to me, I wouldn't wipe my arse with it but..." "I get to do my Sudoku every day and we know I can't live without that." "And that...you know..." "That's...er..." "That's a match." "Fantastic (!" ")" "As long as the other stuff's all right." "You know, the sex." "It's none of my business." "No, it really isn't." "Fair enough." "He's a good man, Saz." "I've always said so." "I think Mrs Patel's results will be back within half an hour." "OK." "What do you know?" "I've just got to get these down to haematology." "Well, I...er...got this from your solicitors." "The annulment thing." "Which you signed." "You sent it first." "Yeah." "I know." "My lot were quick off the mark." "That's why I called you the other night to try and explain." "River deep, mountain high." "I suppose it's a bit like pulling off a plaster." "Quicker the better." "Although this is more like having my leg amputated with a butter knife." "I think I might be mentally ill." "Not generally." "I mean, the numbers stuff." "I think I might have been fixating on the number things because of other...issues." "Right." "The statistic about women marrying their 11th sexual partner." "When we talked about getting married, it just felt..." "It made it seem less scary knowing it was you." "So when Alex said he wasn't Mr Nine, it was like suddenly... ..being on a tightrope and the safety net had gone and I wobbled." "Just a bit." "You cheated on me, Dan and that is what pushed me off." "I know..." "I know for you it wasn't serious but... ..I made a commitment to you." "Yeah, in your head." "You never shared that with me." "You never said, "I'm serious and I want it to be just the two of us."" "A relationship involves two people, Saz." "A couple who trust each other and say what's on their mind." "I'll sign up." "I thought we did." "And then you bail out the minute we hit a problem." "The presents." "The annulment." "All that came from you." "I thought that that's what you wanted." "Because you wanted to be with him." "I thought when you saw him again, you realised it was him..." "I thought when you saw him again, you realised it was him... not me." "The man of your dreams." "I wanted to be with him because my heart was broken." "You broke my heart, you idiot." "I've been so confused and miserable." "I'm sorry." "What about 'rear of the year'?" "That's what I wanted to tell you last night." "Alicia needed a place to rent and I thought she could cover your half of the mortgage." "I was a prat." "I'm a prat, basically." "But there's nothing going on now." "I have to admit, I kind of enjoyed putting you through it a bit." "Hey!" "Oh, my God!" "It's just you and me, then." "Is that what you want?" "Yes!" "Dan..." "God!" "It's just so random the numbers have got in the way of this." "Mr Eleven. 37. 203." "Whoever you are." "I mean, who the hell cares?" "I really wish I could believe you meant that." "You ARE the glasses bloke." "OK." "If you get that cleaned up, I'll pop back, put stitches in." "Ta-da!" "OK." "No." "No." "No." "I don't care who sees this." "In fact, you know what?" "The more, the merrier." "It's him." "Glasses bloke." "At least I think it is." "I've got no way of knowing for sure." "The 6th man I slept with." "Well, let's say it's him because I didn't know his name and he didn't know mine..." "We copped off in a bar in Naxos." "Saz..." "Slightly hairy." "Looks like he's been waxing, actually." "Obviously he's had his eyes lasered." "Looks pretty good, to be honest." "Don't regret it." "Unlike Ade." "Mr Seven." "He was crap in bed and his breath smelt like cat food." "But we ended up going out for nearly three months." "God knows why." "I think I just wanted a boyfriend." "Pathetic." "I know." "Then Fabriccio." "He wanted a boyfriend too!" "Mr Five." "The point is..." "Everyone." "We all have a past." "I mean, there are so many other blokes besides these." "Ones I have flirted with, snogged." "Just plain fancied." "But who's counting?" "Because the only man I've ever truly loved... ..is him." "It's you, Dan." "I love you." "MEMBER OF STAFF:" "Awh!" "So what about the numbers?" "That's what I've been trying to say." "They don't matter to me any more." "Alex told me, you know." "At the party." "Oh, come on." "I don't know what you are talking about." "That he lied to you at the wedding about you two getting it on." "Claimed he thought it was the gallant thing to do." "Right before he jumped back into your knickers when things went wrong with us." "He lied?" "You mean, I...?" "Wait." "You really didn't know?" "No." "Yeah." "Seeing as you didn't remember much about the night in question, he told you that you just slept together." "What a gent." "Oh, God!" "Oh, God." "But if I did sleep with Alex then he really was Mr Nine." "Oh, God." "But if I did sleep with Alex then he really was Mr Nine." "And then that was ten and you're..." "Exactly." "Oh, no." "No." "No." "That's why you didn't believe me." "You thought I only wanted you again because of the numbers thing." "Can you blame me?" "No, senor." "Oi." "Maybe we're ready." "Maybe we are." "I'm so sorry, Saz." "You?" "I've got just as much to be sorry about." "No." "You gotta let me say this because I haven't said it before." "I'm sorry about Alicia." "I'm sorry that I was too pig-headed to make the first move." "No, but listen, you don't need to say any of that because I'm totally " "Sorry I blamed you for everything." "I'm gutted I put us through this." "I'll never do it again." "Saz... shut up." "# Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?" "# Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?" "'So I got rid of the numbers and found love instead." "Cos love is, in every sense of the word, truly random.' itfc subtitles" "# Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?" "# Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?" "# Even if it leads nowhere?" "#" "# Even if it leads nowhere?" "#" "# Oh, well, in five years' time we could be walking round a zoo" "# With the sun shining down over me and you" "# And there'll be love in the bodies of the elephants too" "# I'll put my hands over your eyes, but you'll peek through" "# And there'll be # Sun, sun, sun" "# All down our necks" "# And there'll be # Sun, sun, sun" "# So what the heck?" "#"