"Is there anything else you want to talk about before you go?" "no. that's about it." "i'm supposed to be the person who's looking at my watch, not you." "sorry. i don't want to be late for work." "not today." "i don't think you have to come back for a while, peter." "are you o.k. with that?" "yeah." "yeah." "i felt the same way last couple of sessions." "think you're ready to see sharon?" "the question should be, does sharon... want to see me?" "i think we should wait a bit." "let's make sure mr. hyde is dead." "what you went through, peter, was very unpleasant, not only for you, but for your loved ones." "if any of these episodes should happen again, you owe it to your family, your friends, yourself to come to me." "is that clear?" "mm-hmm." "keep in touch." "thanks, ron." "hold that for me." "something weird going on around here, peter." "a lot of folks with foreign accents running around." "japanese?" "new york." "oliver westover said," ""be careful what you put in the oven today, because that's what you'll take out of it tomorrow."" "this company has always sought new horizons." "once again, we have found one-- cookies." "today, marketing manager peter derns will dazzle us with a presentation of our introductory product." "peter." "yes." "ahem." "thank you, charlene." "ahem." "where is it... everyone wants to go in the nineties, gang?" "does anybody know?" "back to the fifties." "back to the basics." "back to a simpler time." "that's why our first cookie is going to be oatmeal raisin classic." "and it will come, for a limited time only... in an old-fashioned cookie jar." "very good." "yeah, like mom had over the fridge." "exactly." "we're going to take a 30-cent loss per unit." "whoa." "whoa, whoa." "i thought we were in this to make money." "a 30-cent loss per unit... translates into about... a million-dollar cut into profits." "we'll chalk up the loss as promotional costs." "well, ye olde-fashioned jars take up valuable shelf space." "we have to create a new product in a way that separates us from the competition." "the word "old-fashioned" scares me, especially since we're in the process of updating mrs. appleby's image." "i'll have to talk with new york about this." "what's going on?" "who's that?" "oh, uh... peter wasn't at the meeting this morning, meeting?" "there was a meeting?" "peter, bill lives and john steele are with bart foods." "there'll be an official announcement about the takeover tomorrow." "until then, our ears only." "now, please continue." "ahem." "uh... yeah, where were we here?" "you ambushed me, jack." "suck up to the new ownership on your time." "you need to learn how to take constructive criticism." "peter, find a case study similar to your concept." "jack, do a cost breakdown of peter's proposal." "sara, creative briefs and strategies from our competitor's oatmeal raisin cookies." "all on my desk by noon tomorrow." "absolutely." "got it. first thing." "i didn't find out about the takeover till yesterday." "for christ's sake, lighten up." "you'll have a stroke before me." "look, i know we promised you a promotion at the end of the quarter." "everything's on the back burner." "you can't do that." "will you listen to me?" "when bart executives hit 50, they haul them off to the woodshed and shoot them." "charlene could be put down." "i'd like to be the next president of appleby." "somebody's going to have to take over my position as v.p." "you perhaps." "you know who my first choice is." "all our asses are on the line." "if this cookie venture goes down the toilet, that gives bart a good reason to clean house." "but if we kick ass... success is just like hot air." "it rises." "good morning, peter." "lance?" "all right. don't move." "start your breathing, o.k.?" "send dodie my expense account, cancel meetings, get cots in here." "we're burning the midnight oil." "look, peter, i lost your expenses in the system." "didn't you back it up?" "i thought i did." "oh." "wait just one second." "this place is such a pigsty." "you never can find anything." "peter, julie's broke water." "water broke." "last year's report... did you hear what i said?" "julie's water just broke." "maybe some fresh coffee." "hustle." "we got to go." "peter, my wife is having a baby right now!" "that's too-- i'm leaving." "i'm going." "no, lance, you can't do this to me." "here are your keys." "don't lose them." "i got a report to hand in by tomorrow." "i'm sorry." "i'll see you in a couple weeks." "you want a raise, and you're doing this now?" "labor's like an nba game." "you don't have to be there until the final minutes." "peter, wish me luck." "good luck." "thank you." "yeah." "good luck." "shit." "sorry about tonight, nathan." "no, no, no." "i don't always have too much homework." "i have some tickets for the basketball game this weekend." "you want to come?" "yeah?" "o.k., good." "no, no, i don't know." "that's a good one." "i like it." "now, you get some sleep now, all right?" "o.k. all right." "good night." "oh, uh, say good night to your mom." "h-hello?" "everybody remembers the main ingredient and everything." "the weird thing-- and i'll never understand this-- mr. goody doesn't have a record deal." "there are people who can't sing and have deals." "i don't understand it, but... it's about that time of year to start thinking about planting summer vegetables." "this morning's guest is going to show us how to start." "i'm rita povey, and today... how's that, uh, report coming, derns?" "super." "good." "good." "may i help you?" "i work here." "this is my office." "oh, mr. derns." "i'm--i'm kris bolin." "tobias temporary services sent me." "i'm--i'm your new assistant." "oh, yeah." "the temp." "yeah." "of course." "hello." "uh... you, um... you, uh... i--i was just killing time until you arrived." "oh." "you seem harried." "i was up late trying to finish a report that has to be in by noon." "that's not going to happen, so... well, i'll call charlene." "i'm going to call charlene, tell her i got a doctor's appointment." "before you tell your boss you're not in control, why don't you let your assistant assist you?" "we're never going to make it." "this way." "ahem." "excuse me." "hey." "emergency." "what's your code?" "uh, i don't..." "lance-- what's yours?" "we're not allowed-- your code!" "1620." "meet me on the seventh floor." "meet me on the seventh floor." "cutting it close, aren't you, buddy?" "isn't there some executive ass you could be kissing?" "asses i kiss don't belong to any executives." "whew." "who the hell is that?" "where's that... oh, thanks." "is your job always this exciting, mr. derns?" "please call me peter, and i couldn't have done it without your help." "are you taking lance to the salmon grill?" "the brass is buying the grunts a meal." "secretaries' day." "uh-huh." "do you have plans?" "nothing i can't break." "when i first started out in this business, i was an assistant, too." "i asked my first boss what it was that he wanted from me." ""i want you to read my mind."" "by the end of my time with him, i almost could." "that's the job description, that's what each one of you does for each one of us." "this ship couldn't sail without you." "someone's got to do the rowing." "do you have anything to add?" "you're all taking too long a lunch." "let's have some cake and get out of here." "jeez." "i'm allergic to those god damn things." "get that out of here." "where's-- waiter, waiter." "where's the waiter?" "go. shoo." "well done." "excuse me." "if i, uh... don't get to a doctor after getting stung, i buy the old ranch house." "i--i cleaned up your expense account folder and categorized expenditures by bank card." "your family?" "yes." "mark and lizzie." "you know, we--we could, um... we could actually do all of your taxes, even your personal checking, through this system." "um... well... you'd still have to sign all the checks." "12-80-3 derns." "that's my access code." "go!" "whoo!" "so, we're going to become competitors, huh?" "going into the old cookie business, eh?" "there's nobody out there with superior product." "the market's ours for the taking." "baker mills has turned back all comers." "we're going to knock that smile off little mrs. appleby's mug." "we're not little anymore, you know." "bart usually turns over management when they swallow a company." "i got to pay off a mortgage for a house i'm not allowed to live in, pay rent for a house i don't want to live in." "dad, can i go to basketball camp?" "gary and david potter are going." "what, me worry?" "hey, didn't you tell me you once fooled around with your secretary?" "why, you thinking of boning lance?" "i knew you'd be the first to go." "no. i have a temp." "quite a temp." "temps are fair game." "nah, she's married." "i'm trying to get things back together with sharon." "it's the last thing i need." "she's something, huh?" "hey, she could make a blind man see again." "really?" "hey, pete." "now, this is going to sound a little weird." "this cookie thing's going to put us head-to-head." "i'd like to think we're going to survive this experience." "oh, come on." "no bullshit now." "this is business, all right?" "i just want you to know that i take no prisoners, and i eat the wounded." "nathan!" "you know those little hearts they put on menus to tell you what foods are healthy to eat?" "mm-hmm." "why not put a big heart on a cookie jar?" "our cookies are healthy." "uh... oatmeal's high in fiber." "we use less oil in our product." "we could make the jars square instead of round." "take up less shelf space." "ahem." "it's, um... it's wonderful." "it's a wonderful idea." "it's a great idea." "i'm going to miss you when lance comes back, you know." "i finally find a boss who doesn't paw at me every time i walk by his desk, and it's only temporary." "hey, you want to call your husband, tell him you're working late?" "no." "hey, this is-- this is a great idea." "we are-- it's a great idea." "yeah." "i'll bet you're a great dad." "trying to be." "breakup must've been hard on him, though." "uh, a picture of your son, no picture of your wife." "a guess." "yeah." "what don't you like about it?" "i need to know." "i need your feedback in the worst possible way." "no woman i know wears a cameo on her neck when she's cooking." "my mom wore a cameo every time she picked up a frying pan." "what about her frown?" "hey, big fella." "good morning, peter." "how are you?" "good morning." "you know, you're easier on the eyes than old lance." "your calf definition in particular is far superior to his." "did you know that?" "no." "kris, where's that fax came in late last night from rosiland podge?" "i'll, uh, i'll see you at lunch, kris." "i was cross-referencing your insurance statements and noticed that your visits to dr." "feldman aren't covered on the company health plan." "they're not supposed to be." "you're having lunch with him?" "you're having lunch with jack?" "so?" "so you're married." "jack says i might work full-time for him when i'm done temping for you." "this isn't about sex, peter." "it's about work." "i want to stay on with you." "i've already made that perfectly clear." "you know, lance..." "lance just started a family." "i--i--i can't... fire him." "even though i do the job 10 times better?" "kris, the guy just wants to get you in the rack." "i'm a big girl." "here's your fax." "jack and i are up for roger's job when he gets promoted." "he's going to pump you for dirt on me." "interesting choice of words." "i think you're a little paranoid." "i hate that word!" "jesus, big brother's not wasting any time, is he?" "as long as i got my job." "where's walt?" "who?" "you know, i can't find anything in here." "files in the filing cabinet, books on the bookshelves." "it's a radical concept." "you'll get used to it." "top-secret test market locations." "should they fall into the hands of the enemy before you shred them, swallow your cyanide capsule." "peter?" "yeah?" "listen, i have to leave." "i have an interview with jack." "huh." "how do i look?" "he'll eat you alive." "there are worse ways to go." "um... i wish there was a way for you to stay." "peter, peter, cookie eater, had a temp but couldn't keep her." "god damn interns." "you got that report?" "of course." "aah!" "lance thought he unplugged the shredder, but instead, he unplugged the copier." "oh, god!" "this boy's not smart." "rosy, i bought this." "will you sign it and send it to everyone in the office?" "i sure will." "peter derns' office." "i'm on my way to lunch with charlene." "let's do some calls." "who do we have?" "your estranged, geoff gordahl, ed rossi, and i just hung up with dr. feldman." "well, get me sharon." "peter derns calling for dr. feldman." "dr." "jekyll. hello, peter." "kris, you can get off now." "ron, how are you?" "wonderful. more importantly, how are you?" "seen mr. hyde lately?" "no, thank god." "things are going well, personally, professionally." "any recurrence of the paranoia?" "you don't need to have something traumatic happen before you come see me." "i have an opening this afternoon." "ron, i believe i'm ready to see sharon outside therapy." "i think it's time." "saw each other last week." "felt pretty good." "how was new york?" "bart foods was evasive about me being here next year." "they're trying to replace me with roger." "that's ridiculous." "what are they thinking?" "it's just my latest battlefield, peter." "sexism. cronyism." "now it's ageism." "if they think i'm going down without a fight, they're mistaken." "cappuccino, noreen." "yes, ma'am." "sir?" "uh, nothing, thanks." "they don't realize roger is a time bomb." "he's terrible under pressure." "even when he does move up, someone will have to take his place." "i'll be honest with you." "new york likes jack." "he plays their game." "a game without rules." "like you did when you first came aboard." "you may not like it now, but it works." "i guess i got human on you." "here's hoping jack blows a hole in his gut and his marriage fails." "there's nothing worse than a reformed whore." "don't be fooled by company day-care centers and in-house yoga breaks." "people still stab you in the back, just like they did in the eighties." "now they just smile when they do it." "i've had more knives stuck in me than julius caesar." "i'm very impressed with your new packaging idea." "a big heart on a square jar. good." "it could be love." "it could be health." "i love it." "thanks, noreen." "kris must've told you about this." "yes. yesterday." "she's a fellow alumnus of mine." "she graduated from stanford." "did you know that?" "yes. of course." "morning, peter." "kris, we have to talk." "your mother called and thanked you for the brooch you sent her for her birthday." "shit!" "i forgot!" "it was on the rolodex-- you went behind my back." "you told charlene about heart-smart." "i gave you credit for it." "tell me something, kris." "what's a stanford grad doing working as a temp?" "ahem." "it doesn't look so good going through five jobs in one year, so i enter as a temp." "if i don't like the company i'm working for, i go to the next gig without covering my resume in white-out." "oh." "we marry our jobs." "i want to be sure about the job i marry." "but i don't have to look anymore." "i finally found somewhere where i fit in." "really?" "where do you see yourself in, uh... 10 years?" "the only thing i care about, my only priority, is serving my boss in the best, most efficient way possible." "what's this i hear about bart moving jack up to v.p. instead of you?" "jesus, you get around, don't you?" "fuck." "no, no... let me see." "it's that god-damned jack." "he's on his way to the seventh floor, not me." "looks like you hooked up with the wrong guy." "i hooked up with the right, the nice guy." "well, we all know where nice guys finish." "is there anything else i can do?" "yeah." "why don't you make a note for next week to ice jack hartsell?" "yes, mr. derns." "orc-1267." "hydrogenated soybean oil, no cholesterol, oatmeal, riboflavin, soy lecithin as emulsifier." "have it ready by the end of next month." "that's too soon." "i'm not asking you to splice dna!" "you just do it!" "lighten up. we're in the cookie business." "you all right?" "yes. thank you." "it's missing something." "it's missing molasses." "my grandmother used to put a pinch of molasses in her cookies." "it made them taste better, more chewy." "darling, i think it's a little late for that." "besides, adding molasses would be cost prohibitive." "actually... molasses would be a lot cheaper than the chemicals we put in our product to make them taste like molasses." "i checked it out." "what's more, molasses makes us more organic, more homemade." "she checked it out." "why don't you check it out?" "what is with her anyway?" "nice rental, derns." "well, it's temporary until i find something more permanent." "hey, you're the real estate agent." "anything out there i might like?" "there's a house on the corner of harper's ferry you might be interested in-- four-bedroom, three-bath." "the yard needs a little work, though." "my gardener moved out." "nathan is very excited about basketball camp." "he wants a new pair of shoes." "a pair of, uh... pump-- pump up the volume?" "i don't know." "air something." "could this visit be about money?" "well, i could have called you to ask for it." "but i want to see you." "listen, i'll see what i can do, but the promotion i was banking on hasn't come through yet." "i'm not here to pressure you." "well, he may have to settle for some plain basketball shoes with solid rubber soles." "i was going to call you today to see if you want to have dinner this week." "o.k." "really?" "mm-hmm. yeah." "great." "um, i don't have my book on me." "o.k. all right." "well, then, uh... i'll have my secretary call your secretary." "o.k." "bye." "goodbye." "...a single day since the emergency was declared a few months ago." "now for our kfvd traffic report, here's patty finley." "there's a stalled vehicle in the right-hand lane of 5 northbound." "lots of rubberneckers slowing down to look." "so avoid that area if you can, dan." "you're listening to kfvd all-news radio." "i'm dan randall." "arson was blamed as the cause of the fire which destroyed two large warehouses in downtown tacoma early this morning." "the blaze involved six fire companies and covered two city blocks." "it took almost four hours to combat... jack." "jesus!" "i feel... i feel terrible." "i mean, considering-- considering the other day?" "the wish being father to the thought?" "don't beat yourself up over an unfortunate coincidence." "mmm." "any thought to who might take jack's place?" "someone from new york." "or sara." "sara." "really." "i told him to wait outside." "so, how is it working in an aquarium?" "give me that." "got a test market planned at barney's, huh?" "yeah, like i'd tell you." "what are you doing here?" "you haven't heard?" "you've been replaced." "by me." "no!" "got you, babe." "just in the neighborhood." "thought i'd stop by and say hi." "hi." "want some coffee?" "so, who's taking jack's place now he's been kicked downstairs?" "we don't know yet." "kris, could you get me the strategy for orc-1237?" "thanks." "i really like what you've done here." "yeah." "it's very old world." "go for it, pete." "she's worth losing your job over." "oh, wait up." "i'm coming, too." "this is new." "old, but it's making a comeback." "why don't we stop by kell's for a drink?" "it might help you unwind." "thanks, but i've got grocery shopping to do." "i guess one drink wouldn't hurt." "that she needed a man who would put family before work." "i took that to mean she'd already found one." "now, one night i followed sharon to his place." "i could hear them laughing inside." "nervous laughter." "so i tried to barge in, the door was locked, so i kicked it open." "sure enough, i caught sharon with him and his wife." "you caught sharon in the bedroom with another couple?" "actually, it was the dining room." "their kids were there, too." "her boss was having her over for dinner." "yeah. she tossed me out after that." "and those kinds of episodes just kept happening." "i mean, my jealousy just consumed me." "turned me into mr. hyde." "i would imagine the worst shit." "why'd you get so jealous?" "poor role models." "your father was a cheat." "no. no, no." "my mother." "at least jealousy shows passion." "don't you find that you respond to someone who cares desperately about something?" "anything?" "h-how did you and your husband meet?" "at work." "he was my boss." "when i was in school, i had a part-time job at hewlett-packard." "we got pregnant, married, and fell in love, in that order." "he got laid off." "i started filling in." "well, he's lucky to have you." "i hope he knows that." "sometimes i wonder if he does." "sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be with another man." "i used to imagine sharon and another man sitting in a bar, both complaining about their marriages, conspiring a secret rendezvous at some cheap motel." "and i was sitting where your husband is now." "i was waiting for you to come home." "maybe someday i won't be married." "kris, i don't get involved with my assistants." "maybe someday i won't be your assistant." "hey!" "what are you doing here?" "i'm waiting for you to score at happy hour so we can have dinner." "but dinner's tomorrow night!" "is this bringing back memories?" "it was tonight!" "is that the one you're buying all the jewelry for?" "what?" "god damn it!" "at least you could have been more discreet, but using our account at jacob brothers?" "jesus!" "fuck." "it all starts with the dry cleaning." "then you're running him to the airport, doing his christmas shopping." "you don't nip it in the bud, you'll be changing his oil." "it's a wonder they can pee without us holding it." "i said, "screw it." "no more working for a man."" "peter and i have a wonderful relationship." "kris, can we talk?" "now." "honeymoon's over, sweet pea." "something wrong?" "yes, i'd say something's definitely wrong." "you charged a watch on my account at jacob brothers." "i can explain." "all right." "i went to pick up that brooch for your mother, and i saw a watch i had to have." "i didn't have any cards on me... peter, i'm sorry, but i'm not stupid." "of course i was going to pay you back." "look!" "i even wrote out a check!" "that bill goes to the house, to sharon." "and you even got our dinner date wrong." "i never get dates wrong!" "perhaps your estranged got the date wrong!" "don't kid yourself." "you're going to have to fire her." "she's screwing up any chance of your getting back with sharon." "you do want to move back into that house, don't you?" "kris, you've been an incredible help." "for a while there, you were a savior." "but i think you need a job that's more challenging, something that gives you more leeway... more input." "kris, i'm afraid we're going to have to part ways." "i know." "you know?" "i knew yesterday after what happened with the watch." "kris, i'm going to miss you." "i'll just be down the hall." "come again?" "peter, can you believe it?" "they made me a marketing manager." "an executive." "i made it!" "it's all thanks to you." "i've heard of meteoric rises, but this is ridiculous!" "just because kris' is a woman-- sara deserves it more that kris!" "you have to admit the molasses thing was a killer." "charlene gave kris credit for changing the appleby logo." "oh, god!" "that locked it up for bart." "they want an infusion of new blood." "i may not kiss ass like her, but i'm going to start kicking it!" "is kris in line for a v.p. slot?" "it's a level playing field." "the best-- the best person wins." "she's got a hidden agenda, rog." "don't we all?" "just let it go, all right?" "i'll be glad when this project is over." "i meant what i said... none of this would've happened if it wasn't for you." "oh, well... thanks." "open it." "no more paper cuts." "thanks." "but, you know, you really didn't have to-- i didn't." "i charged it to you." "how was your first day?" "it was great." "let's break in my new expense account over dinner." "it's mrs. derns." "excuse me." "hi. i just wanted to tell you nathan loved his sneakers." "and the pearls were a nice touch." "kris." "could you excuse me?" "i thought we'd head to albert's, break open some oysters." "maybe we'd find some more." "uh, let me call you right back." "kris?" "hello. did you know mrs." "appleby is baking cookies now?" "my husband likes baker mills macaroons, but i suppose i could try one." "i really shouldn't." "for a limited time only, oatmeal raisin classic comes in this traditional cookie jar." "oatmeal raisin classics are low in cholesterol, which means they're not only good tasting, but they're good for you, too." "mmm." "aah!" "the boys in manhattan are going to love this." "i bet it was glass from that damn cookie jar." "i should never have let you talk me into it. roger!" "it wasn't the container." "the jars are plastic." "we have to stop the bleeding." "o.k. roger... yes?" "contact legal." "ready them for an avalanche of lawsuits." "peter, talk to the cops and the bakeries." "kris, prepare a statement saying appleby is doing everything to get to the bottom of this." "i thought i handled media." "kris is camera-friendly." "you know, just pray that our factory is cleared of any negligence." "because if appleby is to blame, new york is going to come looking for sacrificial lambs." "and i promise you, it won't be me." "you come with me." "this business is going to put me in an early grave." "media is radio and television... still think the playing field is level?" "appleby and the hillsboro police are conducting a thorough investigation into the incident at barney's." "as a precautionary measure, bart foods has taken all appleby products off the shelves." "we are confident that this situation should be resolved in a few days." "what are you saying?" "that kris sabotaged the market test?" "are you out of your mind?" "i am asking who gains and who loses from this." "the winner's going to be kris bolin." "i needn't tell you who the losers will be." "you're crazy." "stop saying that." "what about your buddy at baker mills?" "i've seen him hanging around here a lot." "brad plays tough, but--it's someone in this company." "if i had told charlene about your theory, god knows what she'd do with you, peter!" "you've got this problem-- had!" "i had this problem!" "i had... this problem." "it's all right." "pull!" "yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" "yes, yes, yes!" "pull!" "pull!" "no!" "come on!" "come on!" "come on!" "pull!" "pull!" "pull!" "pull!" "pull!" "whoa, whoa!" "come on, pull!" "come on!" "go!" "go!" "you should have had your wheaties this morning." "bart takes in 50 trillion a year, and we get hot dogs." "we sell oatmeal and shrapnel cookies." "what do you expect?" "how come we never see kris' family?" "daughter's sick." "her husband's babysitting." "who are you to tell me anything?" "hi." "roger said you wanted to talk to me." "why don't you come in for a swim?" "the water's a little cold." "it could use some warming up." "thank you." "we used to come to a lake like this in high school." "on senior ditch day." "my boyfriend and i would go for a swim... drift away from shore." "then i'd pull off his trunks." "he'd take off my bikini." "we'd fuck underwater." "everyone on shore was drinking beer and playing frisbee... watching us." "and nobody knew what we were doing." "we just looked like two lovers embracing." "wouldn't it be fun if we did the same thing right here, right now?" "in front of roger, charlene, god, and everybody?" "wouldn't that just be a trip?" "what's the verdict, larry?" "clean. not even a cockroach." "the health department was with us every step of the way." "great. thanks." "roger's going to be pumped." "yeah, bye." "we are entrenched in a terrible quagmire of negative publicity and political infighting as a result of the recent episode but the unfortunate incident cannot be blamed... or the bakery, but must be shouldered by the person in charge." "my sincerest apologies to my loved ones... rog?" "and co-workers." "to all concerned... we are entrenched in a terrible quagmire... rog?" "of negative publicity and political infighting as a result of the recent episode at barney's." "but the unfortunate incident cannot be blamed on lower management but must be shouldered by the person in charge." "my sincerest apologies to my loved ones... to all concerned... we are entrenched in a terrible quagmire of negative publicity and political infighting as a result of the recent episode at barney's." "aah!" "we are gathered together here to commit the ashes of roger jasser to the winds and to the valley and the river." "in case you haven't noticed, we're running out of executives around here." "with oatmeal raisin classic so close to breaking, bart foods is reluctant to bring somebody in from the outside, so i'm talking to you and a few others about the position today." "i'm ready if you need me, but to be honest, it's not exactly foremost on my mind." "i appreciate your honesty, peter." "we're all a little shaken up." "in the meantime, the business at hand, huh?" "next week, bill lives and john steele will be back in town." "i want you to show them around, let them know that we're in control." "we are in control, aren't we?" "mm-hmm." "o.k." "o.k." "last one to the executive suite's a rotten egg." "competitive situations like these... can test a friendship." "i hope when all is said and done, you and i are still friends." "tell me something, kris." "were you and roger sleeping together?" "no. charlene and i are." "i go straight to the top." "she's fucking with me." "who, sharon?" "nah, somebody who knows me better than a spouse-- my god damn secretary-- or former secretary." "kris?" "are you sure, man?" "all right, pete, don't get mad at me, but you've had these kinds of suspicions before, and they've pretty much blown up in your face." "i mean, sharon, case in point, right?" "oh, you think i don't know that?" "it's driving me nuts." "you just be careful." "you accuse your ex-secretary of sabotage, you better make sure you're right." "better have proof." "come to me." "come on, slick." "what are you doing?" "huh?" "foul." "what are you doing?" "i was looking for a file." "what are you doing?" "i heard a noise." "from your office?" "i'm not the one that got caught with my hands in the cookie jar." "come on, you have doubts about her, too." "don't put words in my mouth." "is there a problem with your temporary?" "is she not performing her duties?" "no, i just want to know about her." "is there a hygiene problem?" "no, actually, her hygiene is above average." "uh, kristen bolin." "here." "her last job was for ted fine at redmont savings in eugene, uh, february 1991." "ted fine died?" "that's terrible." "dumb shit goes swimming after a triple bypass." "doesn't take his nitro with him." "his fault." "you know, um... we used to have these horrendous fights over ted." "i, um, i accused her of sleeping with him." "in his wet dreams." "he tried like hell." "only reason kris put up with it was because he promised to get her into the management training program." "me?" "i'd have clocked him." "teddy promoted that college intern he was--hmm-hmm-- doing the dirty deed with." "kris really wigged out about that." "huh." "i'm sorry, mr. derns." "she went to go work out at the club." "when will she be back?" "she didn't say." "what are you doing here?" "you're supposed to be at your son's game." "shit." "that's o.k. that's o.k." "how's he doing?" "great. you missed the first half." "someone at appleby told charlene about feldman." "who?" "kris, my former assistant." "come on, nathe!" "maybe next time you'll think twice before you fuck your secretary." "i didn't." "god damn it, i... you think i'd be telling you about this if i was?" "i'm trying to make this work." "you know that." "why would she do it?" "she wants to be my boss." "you sure?" "no, i'm not sure about any-- i'm not sure about anything." "that's the whole problem." "i'm absolutely positively sure about nothing." "maybe you should talk to feldman." "just touch base with him." "talk about it." "look, i got to go." "i'm sorry." "peter!" "your priorities haven't really changed, have they?" "ahem. ahem." "uh, water. anything." "hi." "so, um... thanks." "you're welcome." "$4.00." "hey!" "what the hell are you doing?" "you better run, you pervert!" "chicken shit peeping tom!" "i landed him a good one." "someone... i don't know who yet... someone in this company is leaking marketing strategy to our competitors." "baker mills is doing a knockoff of our oatmeal line right down to the packaging!" "and they're introducing the product one week before ours!" "i find this to be more than just a coincidence." "someone here..." "is going to pay." "never seen charlene so angry." "she sounds like she's going off the deep end." "heads are going to roll." "your good buddy brad-- sure he can be trusted?" "now that you mention it, maybe i ought to check it out." "he sure had quite the run of your office that day." "i was wondering if you and your family would like to come over for dinner tonight." "we have plans." "o.k., fine. how about tomorrow night?" "what happened to your head?" "hurt it playing basketball." "mark has a late meeting." "friday night." "this weekend's bad." "my, my. if you and i weren't friends, i'd think you were trying to put me off." "you, uh, you do have a husband and daughter, don't you?" "this wasn't something you just created to fit the appleby image?" "what's the problem?" "i'm inviting your family to dinner." "you say not tonight, not-- they left me, o.k.?" "mark and lizzie left me!" "easy. take it easy." "i have to go to court to get my daughter back!" "are you happy?" "nice going, derns." "um, hey, dad, this is nathan." "bye." "yo, it's brad." "sorry we keep playing phone tag." "you're it." "hello, who is this?" "you want to go through my messages?" "let me fuckin' play them back for you!" "no sign of forced entry." "my former secretary may have had keys made." "you want her name, address?" "for rearranging your furniture?" "nothing's missing, right?" "what am i supposed to do?" "change the locks." "i like what she did, though." "works for me." "ha ha!" "fuck." "let's take the stairs." "what's going on?" "huh?" "bitch fucked me out of my promotion." "what goes around comes around." "kris bolin never went to stanford." "how do you know?" "why do you think i was in her office that night?" "cute picture of you in her desk." "what did you find out?" "charlene has her degree from stanford on her wall." "why not kris?" "if i'd gone to stanford, my degree would be spotlighted." "plenty of people don't display their diplomas." "of course, but it got me thinking, so the next day i did some digging and called human resources." "two years at delta junior college in california." "no request for a credit transfer to stanford." "what's going on?" "we were just about to ask you that." "you have the recipe for prototype ca-1245 in your menu." "wha-what?" "the recipe for chewy almond." "well, i wouldn't even begin to know how to understand to get information on product ca-- whatever-it-is." "but you have acquaintances i'm not selling secrets, charlene." "well, what are you doing?" "what's going on?" "you have been acting like an insane person!" "someone's trying to destroy me!" "kris bolin never went to stanford." "sara checked." "go home." "no!" "this is crazy!" "go home, peter." "don't come in until you hear from me." "excuse me." "she's on the phone, mr. der-- i just wanted to thank you for going easy on me." "at least i won't end up like jack or ted fine." "what are you talking about?" "what does ted have to do with anything?" "you're absolutely right." "ted fine has nothing to do with anything anymore." "he's dead." "ted died?" "oh... look at her." "she is amazing." "you are amazing." "are you real good in the water, kris?" "did you ditch his nitro, get him hot?" "huh?" "till he popped a spring?" "you're talking nonsense!" "stop doing this!" "stop lying!" "let her go." "stop it!" "i know what you're doing!" "stop lying to me!" "i know everything about you." "you're working too hard." "maybe you need a vacation!" "she's a liar!" "hey, you done with the phone?" "dr. feldman's office... i'm talking to you." "if this is an emergency, please call 555-9254." "hey!" "hey, i said something-- hey!" "man!" "hey, come on!" "take it easy!" "ohh!" "let go of me!" "lay off him!" "what the hell is wrong with you?" "hey... as if you don't know?" "all right, come on." "come on, come on." "let's get some coffee." "how about some $4.00 mineral water?" "why don't you tell me what the fuck you and kris were doing at the sports club yesterday?" "oh, jeez, that's what this is about?" "all right, all right." "the woman was asking about job openings." "a lot of shit's gone down at appleby, so she thought-- she thought maybe if she passed you a little inside information-- oh, come on." "let's just stop it." "you're way off base here." "take no prisoners, isn't that what you said?" "take no fucking prisoners!" "you're out of your fucking mind!" "you're scaring me." "you're out of your mind!" "the thought has occurred to me." "it's also occurred to me that you'd like my job." "isn't that what you're cooking up?" "god damn it, i was trying to get laid!" "that's why you want sharon and me back together-- so you can fuck kris." "shut up, because you're fucking up a perfectly good friendship." "after kris, is it going to be sharon?" "you!" "you're blowing it, man!" "you're blowing it!" "i can't take this shit anymore, man." "here. get yourself a god damn cab." "i don't need your god damn money." "hey!" "i'm sorry." "ohh... uhh." "what?" "peter?" "charlene would like to see you in her office at 10 a.m." "bart foods considers breaches of security grounds for immediate dismissal." "realizing the gravity of the situation, i hope you'll be understanding and, uh... accept our apology." "r and d mistakenly sent ca-1245 to the marketing managers instead of a memo they wanted you to read." "david toy knew 1245 was classified." "it jumped out at him when he saw it in your system, and we jumped all over you." "i'm sorry if it caused you undue stress." "uh... fortunately, kris alerted r and d to their mistake." "kris bolin?" "if it hadn't been for her, i might have fired my newest vice president." "congratulations, peter." "you're on the seventh floor." "the boys in new york want you in salem to oversee production of oatmeal raisin classic to make sure everything runs smoothly." "deliver on this, peter." "don't worry about a thing." "rosemary has booked you and kris into the silver trail inn." "you leave thursday morning." "don't you think sara has more production experience?" "sara's in michigan." "i had bart transfer her to their frozen vegetable subsidiary." "sara was always sticking her nose into other people's business, and we don't need that." "don't you agree?" "i'm aware that you and kris have had your difficulties." "it's time to bury the hatchet." "good morning, peter." "congratulations." "thanks, marla." "she wants to know if she can finish cleaning this afternoon." "she cut her hand the other day and left before the job was finished." "oh, yeah." "well, she knows where the key is." "it's clearing." "yeah... it sure is." "i'm sorry about your family leaving you." "i'll bet your husband said you loved your job more than him." "he was right." "but is that any reason to kidnap my daughter, to take her from me in the middle of the night and never let me see her again?" "it was her birthday yesterday." "she turned 3." "what's wrong?" "the brakes." "pull over!" "where?" "what's wrong?" "your bleeder screws were loose." "you've been leaking brake fluid." "what?" "yeah." "someone's been tampering with your brakes." "someone tried to kill us?" "yeah." "thanks." "why did you tell charlene you went to stanford?" "i wouldn't have if i knew she would hire me for my ability rather than how many sheepskins i had." "while you were in school studying flow charts, i had two jobs and a kid to raise." "every job i've ever had, i've known more about the business than the boss who's grabbing my ass." "where did it get me?" "i saved your neck yesterday." "even after you accused me of killing people... even after charlene told me you got promoted instead of me... i still saved your neck." "let's talk about it tomorrow." "front desk." "is there a message for 201?" "uh, yes, mr. derns." "i have it here for you somewhere." "a lady called for you." "what lady?" "hold on." "wait a minute." "here it is." "charlene towne." "she called from her car, and she said that she got your message." "what message?" "about the emergency at the bakery." "she left portland to meet you there." "kris!" "charlene!" "kris!" "uhh!" "aah!" "what happened?" "someone hit me." "who?" "jesus." "charlene." "ohh!" "ohh!" "no!" "peter, help!" "oh!" "aah!" "oh!" "aah!" "the pictures... aah!" "peter... nathan has something he'd like to ask you." "what's that?" "can you come to my birthday party?" "it's on friday." "well, i have to be in new york on friday." "but you know what?" "i'll get out of it." "i have to get back to work." "thanks for lunch." "sure." "and i'm sorry." "bye." "new york likes your survivalist qualities, peter." "they feel it will offset your relative... inexperience." "even though you're currently interim president, i'd like to make you permanent." "thanks, bill." "what are you doing?" "just clearing out her desk." "where'd she get these?" "that came with the frame-- $9.95 from thrifty's." "i bought them for her." "why?" "i'll get the coffee started." "here's the first week's report on the oatmeal raisin classic." "it looks to be a big success." "congratulations." "kris." "these are the pictures charlene was talking about." "i didn't call her and tell her there was an emergency at the bakery." "you did..." "on my behalf." "you were going to kill her, pin the murder on me, because she was onto you, wasn't she?" "she knew you didn't go to stanford, she knew you lied about having a family, and you weren't going to rise any higher here as long as charlene was around." "i was going to tell you about the picture." "i always keep one on my desk to fend away office hounds." "lots of girls do, or they wear wedding rings." "you always have an answer." "come again?" "you always have an answer." "why don't you save them for someone else?" "peter... we're not going to go through this again, are we?" "no, kris, we're not." "as president, it's time i start delegating some authority." "rosemary, call the police and have security make sure miss bolin doesn't leave the building." "yes, mr. derns." "thanks." "one more thing, kris." "clean out your desk." "you're fired." "captioning made possible by paramount pictures corporation captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc." "captions copyright 1993 paramount pictures corporation"