"ADAM:" "Now, on Top Gear..." "Weattemptto drive theentirelength oftheAppalachianTrail injust24 hours." "Whoa!" "Oh, he's making the pass!" "Oh, you slippery little..." "ADAM:" "On an epic journey across14states, inanendurancetest..." "Oh, this is crazy." "He's not serious!" "ADAM:  ...of a lifetime." "Tanner, watch the train!" "(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)" "ADAM:" "The Appalachian Trail." "It'soneof thelongest continuoustrailson Earth, running2,200miles fromMaineto Georgia." "Ittakesseasonedhikers sixmonthsto conquerit." "Thebravefew thathaveaccomplishedit areleftwiththe sense ofachievement thatlastsalifetime." "Butwedon'thavesixmonths, andwedon'thike." "Wedrive." "SoTopGearchallenged ustodrivethe entirelength ofthetrailinjust 24hours ." "Weweregiven$5,000 topickthebestcar forthejourney andtoldto meetup atthetrailheadinMaine." "RUTLEDGE:" "You guys realize how long the Appalachian Trail really is?" "No, how long is it?" "It, it goes through 14 states." "14 states?" "That's not a trail." "Yeah." "That's a coast line!" "TANNER:" "Good news is, cars are here." "(ADAM CHUCKLING)" "RUTLEDGE:" "Who brought that?" "TANNER:" "It's a trail." "You don't drive on the trail, you dope!" "You walk the trail." "We're gonna drive on roads next to the trail." "Not, on the trail." "Look, look at where we are." "Shortcuts everywhere." "Mmm-hmm." "And this is a shortcut machine, it's like..." "A Land Rover except reliable and has a slightly less attractive woman in the passenger seat." "(CHUCKLING)" "You can see him trying to convince himself." "Mmm-hmm." "TANNER:" "It's a 2002 Mitsubishi Montero, 200 horsepower, V6." "200 horsepower, V6?" "Whoa-oh!" "It doesn't sound impressive." "It's not." "TANNER:" "It does have locking differentials though, and low gear range, so I can drive straight up this mountain if I want to." "Just not in a hurry." "Who brought the Jaguar?" "You couldn't find a Cadillac?" "I found an English Cadillac." "It's like a Caddy with bad teeth." "This is a four-liter V8, supercharged." "Say it with me, supercharged, 370 horsepower." "Zero to sixty in 5.5 seconds." "This is a luxury hot rod right here." "The perfect car for this." "I mean these are great cars on paper." "Yeah." "You get a lot for the money." "But the money's cheap because if one thing breaks, it's so expensive to fix." "You know what's not cheap?" "Mercedes." "There's no way that was five grand." "RUTLEDGE:" "What, you mean this 2003 Mercedes CL 500?" "$15,000." "Easy." "It would be if it wasn't a salvage title." "(LAUGHING)" "It was wrecked at some point, it looks fine now." "Somebody died in it?" "No, I don't think so." "It was used to commit a crime?" "Flood damage?" "302 horsepower, 5-liter V8." "It's comfortable, it's got air suspension." "It looks good." "Well..." "The frame is bent." "It's got history." "ADAM:" "Yeah, you're driving a crime scene." "What are we doing here?" "Let's see." ""The Appalachian Trail is 2,200 miles long." ""Theshortestdistance bycaris 1,400miles" ""andaccordingto GPS, it'sa 23-hourdrive." ""Yourchallengeis  tomakeit to theend  ofthetrailin24hours ."" "All right, what time is it?" "It's uh, just a little bit before noon." "So, you wanna wait till noon?" "Yeah." "All right." "Yeah, we should probably just wait till noon." "All right, he's going." "RUTLEDGE:" "Let's go." "Let's go." "First one to pavement!" "TANNER:" "Later, losers." "See you!" "TANNER:" "We'd barely startedtherace andthesetwoidiots intheiroldman cars werealreadyshowing theirweaknesses." "Power!" "Power!" "Power!" "There you go." "That's it, okay." "Get out of the ditch." "You're a Jaguar!" "There you go!" "RUTLEDGE:" "Oh boy!" "TANNER:" "Come on, baby." "That cannot be all you've got." "Come on." "Come on, seriously." "TANNER:" "The Montero may not havebeenthefastestcar,  butitcertainlywas the most funoff-road." "SoI wasgonnatake ashortcutto seeifI could dusttheseguys." "ADAM:" "Hey, Rut, where the hell did Tanner go?" "I didn't see him." "I'm stuck here behind you." "ADAM:" "I don't even see the dust anymore." "TANNER:" "While those grumpy oldmenweretaking acomfortableroute..." "TANNER:" "Oh!" "TANNER:" "I was flying towardpavement." "Itwasalmosttoo easy." "TANNER:" "Damn, my shortcut is awesome." "Oh, there they are." "Oh!" "Damn it!" "That wasn't supposed to happen." "Okay." "Now this is happening." "RUTLEDGE:" "I've just gotta get to the road." "Once this thing is on asphalt, it's all over." "That is what I'm talking about." "Oh, there's Adam." "TANNER:" "No!" "Knock him off, baby." "(CHUCKLING)" "Oh, now you're throwing rocks at me!" "There it is!" "Whoo hoo!" "Yeah!" "First to pavement." "First to pavement, that's one for me." "Well, congratulations." "Yeah, you made it." "Woo." "RUTLEDGE:" "Tanner had hadhisfun, butnowhe had23hours and50mins toenjoytheride onthosebigknobbytires." "Fellas, I've never driven 24 hours before, how about you?" "Uh, I drove 26 hours in the Baja 1000." "Pissed blood, three days." "(LAUGHING)" "ADAM:" "That's pleasant." "The thing is, I don't know if we can do it." "It's says it's a 23-hour trip without stopping." "RUTLEDGE:" "If we were gonna dothis,we neededastrategy." "I'm not gonna eat a lot and I'm not gonna drink a lot." "I'm gonna try to keep myself just, just above dehydrated." "Here's what I can figure, we can do fuel, pee and food in one stop." "But sleep..." "ADAM:" "I don't think we're gonnabesleepingfor aday." "I've got a plan." "I hope you do." "For sleeping?" "Yeah, yeah, I got a plan." "I have no idea." "ADAM:" "I may not have had aplanon how togetsomesleep, butatleastIwas drivingincomfort." "This is the perfect car for this trip." "I am sitting in a leather glove right now." "I have wood trim all over the place." "The air conditioner blows cold, and it's fast!" "It's supercharged, and look how good I look." "ADAM:" "And that is something raceboycouldn'tsay, drivingthatMontero." "Look at him in that thing." "He looks like a soccer mom in Dubai." "TANNER:" "I know these guys think I'm an idiot for choosing an off-road vehicle, and I know the Appalachian Trail is not an off-roading trail." "But the fact is, they still have off-roading trails all over the place." "I'm gonna keep it exciting." "I'm not gonna stick to the road." "I'm gonna vary my terrain." "RUTLEDGE:" "Tanner, with his "I'mgonnaraceoff-road" ideas,hadmissedthe point." "Thiswasallaboutspeed, andmyBenzwas perfect." "I chose this Mercedes because they're built to be on the Autobahn, to just go fast for long periods of time." "Plus, an AMG CL55, which is this car but faster, holds the record for the fastest coast-to-coast time right now." "Booyah!" "RUTLEDGE:" "Traffic was light onthesecountryhighways, andweweremakinggood time ." "AndMainelookedgreat intherearviewmirror." "I believe we're about to cross into our first state, which would be New Hampshire." "Home of 54 covered bridges." "ADAM:" "I think we're comingupon onenow ." "Oh, covered bridge, here we go." "ADAM:" "All the covered bridgesarenumbered." "Andsometimesthenerdy travelerlikesto note thenumberof thebridge they'regoingover." "Uh, I didn't see what number that was." "Well, it's number one for us." "TANNER:" "What the..." "ADAM:" "Really?" "Doesn'tthisknow wehavetherightofway?" "(HONKING)" "I'm gonna get New York on this guy." "What's up?" "Okay, get in your car." "Let's go, Adam, come on." "(CAR DOOR CLOSING)" "That was awesome." "Were you gonna fight him?" "That woulda been funny!" "ADAM:" "Sorry, fellas, but when you'reright,you'reright." "RUTLEDGE:" "With 160 miles oftheAppalachianTrail inNewHampshire, wedecidedto followTanner inwhatwe 'dhoped wouldbeashortcut toshaveoffsometime ." "TANNER:" "Ah, endoftheroad,guys ?" "Looks that way." "Uh, actually I think I could probably get over that thing." "The mountain?" "Yeah, I'm going over it." "You're gonna go over that mountain?" "TANNER:" "Yes, I am going to drive over that mountain because I have a capable vehicle that can go on and off-road." "Blah, blah, blah!" "Hey, Tanner I'm going around it, and I'm gonna beat you there." "I'm gonna take the quickest way through." "See you there, losers." "Yeah, make a tunnel, Adam." "Good luck with that." "Now this is a shortcut." "Those guys have to drive all the way around this mountain." "And I'm going almost the same speed as the speed limit on the road, over the mountain in a straight line." "TANNER:" "As I headed higher," "Rutwaseasingintohis longdrivearound themountain." "God, I think somebody's gonna have to check me for ticks." "I don't know what those guys are thinking." "I'm gonna get around this mountain and I'm gonna do it quickly." "RUTLEDGE:" "This car mayhavebeen wreckedandrepaired, butitwas $90,000dollarsnew." "It'sinsanelycomfortable, luxuriousandfast." "Itwasaperfectchoice fora roadtrip." "Repeat,roadtrip." "(CHUCKLING)" "Holy crap!" "All right, I need this thing to last to the end." "Oh!" "RUTLEDGE:" "How does Tanner think he's gonna beat this car?" "That doesn't make any sense at all." "It's not gonna happen." "Whoa!" "Bump." "Oh!" "What is Adam gonna do?" "Does he think he can keep up with Tanner on the trails?" "That's not gonna work." "ADAM:" "Nope!" "Ihadcomeupwith  afarmorecivilizedplan , whilethosetwoidiots tookthelongway ." "And we're getting almost to the... (RATTLING)" "What the hell!" "Holy (BLEEP)." "Is that Adam's car?" "Adam, is that you?" "ADAM:" "No, it's another Jaguar going over a mountain." "Yeah, it's me." "Adam put his car underneath a gondola." "What is wrong with him?" "How..." "How did you get that done?" "TANNER:" "You gotta bekiddingme !" "Turns out I got a guy." "(CHUCKLING)" "TANNER:" "You got a guy, okay." "Well,it'saracenow,  myfriend." "Yep and you're losing." "See you at the bottom." "Oh, yeah, now it's on." "Now it is on!" "TANNER:" "There was no way IwasgonnalosetoAdam." "WhatI neededwas ahelpinghandfromabove." "Come on, bring it, Tanner." "Oh!" "(CREAKING)" "Oh, that's not good." "TANNER:" "Coming up..." "Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone." "Adamrunsintoanoldfriend inVermont." "(MOOING)" "Andlaterin Jersey..." "Yeah, I'm calling about the, uh, the car for sale." "...wefinallyfindagood use fora Saab." "RUTLEDGE:" "We had been challengedtodrive theentirelength oftheAppalachianTrail inlessthan24hours." "Justanhourinandwith over1,300milestogo, we'dhitourfirstobstacle." "Amountain." "WhileTannerhadopted togoover," "Iwentthelongwayaround andstuckto thepavement." "AndAdam,he hadjust gottenhimselfstuck." "Tanner..." "Oh!" "(CREAKING)" "Oh, that's not good." "(ECHOING) Hello!" "(ECHOING) Hello!" "How do you start this thing?" "(STOMPING)" "Nothin'!" "(STOMPING)" "(WHIRRING)" "ADAM: (CHUCKLING) There we go." "Nothing beats the old "Kick it until it works."" "He's coming." "ADAM:" "My plan had worked." "Ihadscaledthe mountain." "AllI hadto do now wasavoidtheshrubs." "Watch the trees." "TANNER:" "Montero wins again." "Damn it!" "How did he get down so fast?" "TANNER:" "Once again, theMonterowasvictorious off-road." "AndasRutcaughtupwithus, hewasdeterminedtoshow off hison-roadprowess." "Hey, Tanner, watch this launch." "Hey Rut, when you went full-throttle there, a bunch of fake gold-hoop earrings shot out of the exhaust." "Thatwasweird." "TANNER:" "Back together, wesettledintothe drive andtookin thescenery." "RUTLEDGE:" "It's pretty up here." "I mean, this is a beautiful drive." "The mountains are awesome, and it's gonna look a lot like this the whole way." "Rut, this trail goes through 14 states?" "Yeah, it's a lot." "I think it's, uh, Georgia, North Carolina, Tennessee," "Virginia, West Virginia, maybe just a..." "Scotia, Vermont..." "What else?" "Keep it going." "Uh, Ohio..." "It does not go through Ohio." "No, I was just saying, "Oh, hi, oh, how are you doing?"" "(CHUCKLING)" "TANNER:" "While the boy fromtheSouthbrushedup onhisgeography..." "It ends in Georgia, I know that much, my home state." "TANNER:" "I decided to borrow atrickfromNASCAR tohelpme saveonfuel ." "Oh, now we have a little draft rain going here." "(VEHICLE BUMPING)" "RUTLEDGE:" "Oh, okay." "ADAM:" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Knock it off!" "(LAUGHING)" "Really?" "This is what we're doing?" "Listen, Tanner for reason is ramming me and he's sending me into you." "I'm sorry." "Hey, I'm bump drafting." "That is for both of our benefit." "RUTLEDGE:" "Are you trying to hypermile?" "Is that what you think you're doing there, with 200 horsepower on 35s?" "I'm drafting off of that big pig." "Sometimes a little rubbing happens, that's all." "ADAM:" "With four hours ofdrivingbehindus,  wewerestillonlyinVermont." "Ihadno ideahow the hell weweregonna makeGeorgiain 20 hours." "Apparentlyitwastimefor anotherTannerFoustsolution." "TANNER:" "See you, gentlemen." "ADAM:" "Oh, come on!" "TANNER:" "Choose your destiny." "Great." "Do we follow him or not?" "Screw it." "I got nothing to lose here." "I'll try it." "(BLEEP)" "TANNER:" "Finally, a good idea." "ADAM:" "We don't know it's a good idea yet." "When I took a shortcut before, it worked, right?" "Even a busted clock is right twice a day." "TANNER:" "See, power lines." "They always go straight." "They have the trees cut down." "Oh, this seems like a good idea." "TANNER:" "I know, right?" "It's like a great idea." "It's like the best idea ever." "I can't believe you guys didn't follow me on the last one." "Oh, yeah, you have cars." "Ifwekeptupatthispace, we'dbesavingalotoftime." "I have a good feeling about this shortcut though." "The last one was pretty good." "But this one..." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Hold the phone." "Hold the phone." "Whoa, what?" "What happened?" "There's cows in the road, here." "(MOOING)" "Cows!" "RUTLEDGE: (LAUGHING) Awesome shortcut." "Oh, this isn't good." "Of course they like the Jag." "You should go look at the Montero." "(LAUGHING) Hi." "Oh, that's a lot of poo on you." "Hey, Rut, do some cattle-talk to 'em." "(MOOING)" "(MOOING) Excuse us." "Coming through, girl, come on." "(MOOING)" "(MOOING)" "TANNER:" "Pardon me." "(MOOING)" "RUTLEDGE:" "So we slowly rolledthroughthecow patties ofanother TannerFoust-ledfiasco." "If there's one thing you know, it's a good shortcut, huh?" "Hey, Rut." "Yeah, Tanner?" "Watch this launch." "ADAM:" "Wow." "You would have actually dirtied my car more if you had just kicked some dirt on me." "ADAM:" "We were onlyfivehoursin, and  alreadylosingtime." "WefinallyhitMassachusetts, wheretheAppalachianTrail summitsthehighestpeak inthestate." "AndRutwantedto marktheoccasion withsomethingspecial." "You know what?" "I think we should write a poem." "So here it goes," "Roses are red, violets are blue." "Why would you pick a Montero?" "You're stupid." "(LAUGHING)" "You know, that Montero is the same color as the cow poop." "RUTLEDGE:" "And, speakingofpoop..." "Yeah, I wonder if the GPS, like, accounts for gas stops and bathroom breaks." "You didn't use the bathroom before we left?" "RUTLEDGE:" "I did have to go, butI hadplanned forthisverymoment." "This is gonna be awesome." "Hey, hey, buddy!" "Hey, hey." "MAN:" "Hey, Rut, allreadyforyou ,buddy." "What is Rut doing there?" "ADAM:" "He's probably trying tosellthecar ." "RUTLEDGE:" "Let me back in, Adam,I 'mcomingin ." "All right, come on back." "RUTLEDGE:" "This'll be great." "Oh..." "That's what he's doing." "He has a very sensitive stomach." "Okay, here I go." "(EXHALES SHARPLY)" "Put'er down in first." "Get a little running start." "TANNER:" "Oh (BLEEP)." "Go to the left, Rut, to the left." "RUTLEDGE:" "Oh!" "ADAM:" "Coming up, I deal with anannoyingtailgater." "Brake check!" "(BRAKES SCREECHING)" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "ADAM:" "And later..." "Tanner, watch the train!" "ADAM:" "Tanner chases themidnighttraintoGeorgia." "RUTLEDGE:" "We had been challengedtodrive theentiredistance oftheAppalachianTrail injust24 hours." "Sofar,Adamhad  gottenhungup  takinga shortcut." "Oh!" "AndTannerhad ledusouttopasture." "(MOOING)" "TANNER:" "Pardon me." "Almostsixhoursin,  wemadeourway  throughMassachusetts, andourcars wereholdingup well." "Hey, hey!" "Although,thesame couldn'tbesaid formydigestivesystem." "Here I go." "Luckily, Ihadplannedfor this." "Put'er down in first." "Get a little running start." "Oh (BLEEP)." "Go to the left, Rut." "To the left." "RUTLEDGE:" "Oh!" "Little left." "RUTLEDGE:" "Unfortunately, Ihadn'tplannedfor this." "Ihadto dealwithmy irrationalfearof  fallingoffamovingflatbed." "Okay." "I can do this." "Okay." "He's climbing up the trailer!" "RUTLEDGE:" "Oh my gosh." "He's really got to go." "(SHUDDERING)" "Oh, it's going to work!" "TANNER:" "Rut, it would be alotsaferifyou justworeyourDepends." "Oh." "He's nimble." "(RUTLEDGE EXCLAIMING IN RELIEF)" "ADAM:" "They say necessity is themotherof allinvention." "Whichgotus thinking..." "If I owned a port-a-potty business it would be" ""Ferrara's port-a-potty." "We're number one in the number two business."" ""When your gut is feeling kind of plump," ""open the door and take a..."" "(LAUGHING) What a moron!" "ADAM:" "Oh, here he comes." "RUTLEDGE:" "Oh-oh!" "Did you wash?" "ADAM:" "With Rut finally offthethrone..." "It worked!" "ADAM:" "We were backontheroad." "Withonly14 hourstogo, weneededto coversome seriousground ifweweregoingtomake Georgiainjust24hours." "Miraculously,wehadmadeit throughwesternMassachusetts andConnecticut, allthewaytomyhome stateofNewYork, withoutRuthaving togoagain." "SoifRutwas the pissykid thatneededto go to the bathroomevery20 minutes," "Tanneristheannoying littlebrother." "RUTLEDGE:" "Tanner, don't..." "Don't you do it." "Don't do it." "(BUMPING)" "Tanner, don't hit me on the highway!" "(BUMPING)" "Really, dude?" "Really?" "(ADAM LAUGHING)" "RUTLEDGE:" "You are a child." "You know that?" "Yes, I do." "Tanner, you're a slow-moving prison bully in that thing." "(IN A SING-SONG VOICE) Going on the high side." "ADAM:" "Hey, Tanner." "Youknowwhathappenswhen you tailgateinNewYork?" "Brake check!" "(BRAKES SCREECHING)" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "TANNER:" "What the hell wasthat,Adam?" "Oh, that's beautiful." "ADAM:" "After that teachingmoment, weleftNewYorkand enteredtheGardenState ofNewJersey." "That'sPhil,cuttingthe lawn." "Yeah, we're not quite halfway through, and thus far the car has been pretty good." "When I was a kid, my dad had an old Mercedes, and every summer we would cross the country in that." "So when I see that Mercedes emblem, it takes me back." "And those were fun times." "That's when a road trip was a road trip." "Listen to the supercharger whine." "(LAUGHING) That's good." "ADAM:" "And speaking ofwhining, wethoughtit mightbefun toupsetMonteroboy ." "Adam, it does feel like we should just stretch the legs a little bit, since we bought real cars here, don't you think?" "ADAM:" "Like your thinking, son." "One, two, three..." "Go!" "Oh!" "The Benz is fast." "See ya!" "Woo!" "Tanner, are you back there somewhere?" "Hey Rut, how're you doing on fuel back there?" "You know what, I'm actually getting pretty decent fuel mileage back here, but yeah, I could use to fill up." "I'm getting great gas mileage." "Four-by-four-ing, I'm telling you, is like hyper-miling, basically." "No, it's not." "ADAM:" "Okay, so you need fuel, too." "Yeah, I could stop." "How about this?" "Let's all get gas, together, same time, nobody jumps ahead." "Agreed." "Agreed." "I don't trust these guys one bit." "ADAM:" "Our first official gasstop." "We neededtobe fastandefficient, likea NASCARpitcrew." "Tannerwastakingthe NASCAR ideaa bittoofar ." "You thought I'd get you, didn't you?" "How much damage could you cause?" "The thing has no power." "RUTLEDGE:" "Don't forget, we've got to be fast." "We do need to go, right?" "We do need to go." "RUTLEDGE:" "Just step it up a little here." "RUTLEDGE:" "Uh, hey Tanner?" "Yes." "Is it me, or is your front tire flat?" "That looks awfully low." "(LAUGHING)" "When did that happen?" "Did you even feel it?" "Like, does it handle so poorly you can't tell the difference if, like, there's air in the tire or there's not air in the tire?" "Montero's such a capable vehicle!" "Clock's ticking." "We've got to go." "Yeah." "You gonna help me jack this thing up?" "Oh, no." "Come on." "Oh yeah." "No." "Do you have a jack?" "'Cause I don't actually have a jack." "I don't have a jack!" "It won't even hit the bottom of the car!" "RUTLEDGE:" "All the way up it wouldn't." "Hold tight." "I got a plan." "That sounds a lot like, "I know a shortcut."" "RUTLEDGE:" "I'm not a doctor, but that's a flat." "ADAM:" "Yeah." "RUTLEDGE:" "Ooh." "Oh, that sounds good." "What's he doing?" "RUTLEDGE:" "Okay." "RUTLEDGE:" "Coming up, Adamhasariskyidea ." "We're going to catch a train!" "RUTLEDGE:" "Adam, you can't be serious." "Oh, he is serious." "ADAM:" "Get on there." "Get on there!" "TANNER:" "Wait for me!" "What're you doing?" "TANNER:" "We were in New Jersey, almosthalfway throughourrace fromMaineto Georgia, drivingthelengthofthe AppalachianTrail injust24 hours." "Adamhadalreadytakena creativeshortcutover amountain." "AndRuthadmanaged totakeabathroombreak whileonthego." "RUTLEDGE:" "It worked!" "Behindschedule,withaflat  tireandno jack," "Ihadbeenforcedtothink  outofthebox ." "ADAM:" "What's he doing?" "That's good there." "Perfect!" "Perfect!" "RUTLEDGE:" "What the..." "That was a perfectly good Saab!" "ADAM:" "No." "It was a Saab." "This is why we don't have nice things." "ADAM:" "Very true." "TANNER:" "Do you have a tire iron?" "Uh, no." "Do you?" "I'm going to get a tire iron." "What kind of person would see a car and think," ""Oh, I'll just drive on that?"" "I wonder why you guys think I'm the lunatic on this show." "RUTLEDGE:" "Fair point." "That's..." "Ow, man!" "(ADAM GIGGLING)" "This is a nice plaid, here!" "Stable as can be." "Yeah, but you're not!" "One, two, three." "Look at him." "You're earning your allowance this week!" "TANNER:" "That's how you change a tire!" "RUTLEDGE:" "Can we get on the road now." "Are we done?" "Yeah." "Follow me." "He's done." "Yeah, let's follow you." ""Oh, I've got a shortcut!"" "ADAM:" "Follow you what, over the Saab?" "TANNER:" "Yeah, calling about the car for sale?" "How much you want?" "Well, Tanner's ready to go." "RUTLEDGE:" "And as thesunwentdown, wecontemplatedtheidea ofdrivingthroughthe night." "TANNER:" "What was the name of that horror film that was based on some hikers going through the Appalachian trail?" "Oh, the Blair Witch Project." "How scary was that?" "Yeah." "No, I'm asking." "I didn't see it." "I don't watch scary stuff." "TANNER:" "I didn't see it either but the thing, like, was a box office hit and cost nothing to make and it was the most famous thing ever to happen at the Appalachian Trail." "ADAM:" "That was shot in the BlackHillsForest,you idiot." "TANNER:" "Do you think this is a good place to practice your Sasquatch call?" "ADAM:" "Do you know how loud you'regoingto havetoyell ?" "(LAUGHING)" "Bigfoot's not here, he's in the Pacific Northwest." "(CLEARING THROAT) Hold on, let me clear my throat." "(SCREAMING)" "ADAM:" "Yeah, it sounded like youjustgotabikiniwax." "TANNER:" "It might have been thefullmoon, ordrivingover 12hoursstraight, butaswe madeour way  throughPennsylvania, weweregetting alittleloopy." "Andverytired." "RUTLEDGE:" "Adam, I know this is going to sound crazy, but" "I can't drive through the night, man." "Woah, woah." "What's the matter?" "I'm going to drive on the rumple strips for a minute." "(TIRES RUMBLING)" "Did you wake up?" "All right, come on, wake up!" "Wake up!" "Okay, scream out the windows." "On three." "Three, two, one." "(ALL SCREAMING)" "That didn't work." "No, that didn't really work." "ADAM:" "It was obvious." "Ifwedidn'twanttofall asleepatthewheel, weweregoingtoneed aplan." "ADAM:" "All right, fellas, look." "This is getting dangerous." "I got an idea." "Follow me." "Yeah, that seems less dangerous." "Just shut up and follow me." "We don't say "shut up" in this family." "ADAM:" "What a nice childhood youhad." "RUTLEDGE:" "Clearly, we were desperate,becausewe were followingAdam." "Buthowcrazy couldhisideabe?" "ADAM:" "Come on, fellas!" "We're going to catch a train!" "I don't think we can just catch a train, Adam!" "RUTLEDGE:" "Holy crap, it's moving!" "Adam, you're not really thinking about this, are you?" "ADAM:" "Stay with me, boys!" "Here's our chance, this is what I'm looking for!" "Oh, this is crazy." "He's not serious." "Oh, he is serious." "Get on there." "Get on there, big girl." "There ya go. (LAUGHING)" "Go, Rut!" "Go, go, go, go!" "You're gonna miss it!" "Rut!" "ADAM:" "Come on, Tanner!" "Wait for me!" "What are you doing?" "TANNER:" "Coming up..." "TANNER:" "So you don't need gas, Rut?" "...Rutstopsforaquickie." "Hey, fellas!" "TANNER:" "We wereinPennsylvania, overhalfwayto Georgiaonour 24-hourAppalachianmarathon." "Butwewerebehindschedule, andexhausted." "I can't drive through the night, man." "TANNER:" "It looked like we'd be forcedtodriveall night." "ButthenAdam,for once..." "I got an idea." "TANNER:  ...had a brilliantidea." "ADAM:" "Come on, fellas!" "RUTLEDGE:" "Adam, you can't be serious." "(ADAM LAUGHING)" "Go, Rut!" "Go, go, go, go, go!" "RUTLEDGE:" "Whoa!" "ADAM:" "Come on, Tanner!" "ADAM:" "Yeah!" "TANNER:" "Come on!" "Are you serious?" "(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)" "Oh, you guys suck." "You guys suck." "RUTLEDGE:" "That was awesome!" "TANNER:" "But from where Iwassitting,itwasn 't soawesome." "RUTLEDGE:" "We're gonna make it!" "And we're gonna get to get some sleep!" "We're going to win!" "(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)" "TANNER:" "I needed to get somesleep,too." "Sothiswasdoordie." "Guys, guys, guys, guys!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "Wait for me!" "What're you doing?" "Oh, there's Tanner." "TANNER:" "Guys!" "Guys!" "What is he doing?" "Hey!" "Hey, Rut, are you gonna just leave me here?" "Oh, you'll be fine!" "You're a racecar driver, right?" "How do I get on the damn train?" "I don't have a brake!" "I can't hit a brake!" "Just rolled up my double-paned soundproof glass." "(TANNER, MUFFLED) Guys!" "Can't even hear Tanner screaming." "TANNER:" "Oh come on, really?" "Tanner, watch the train!" "RUTLEDGE:" "See ya!" "Sucker." "Thank you." "I hope he knows a shortcut." "TANNER:" "To heck withthoseguys." "I'vedrivenlong, gruelingstretches beforeinmy racingcareer, butonaracetrack theadrenalineis pumping, andyoudon'thavetime  togettired." "Ontheroad,you 'vegot  nothingbuttime." "See, the problem is, like, you start to visualize," ""Wow, it's kind of like I'm driving through a tunnel." ""And, like, oh, there's like these" ""drawings on the side of the tunnel." "That's a building." ""That's a green light on the top of the tunnel." And before you know it..." "You're dreaming about driving in a tunnel." "(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)" "ADAM:" "Meanwhile, Rut and I werehavingsweetdreams, secureintheknowledge ofTanner'slong, sleeplessnight." "Orsowe thought." "RUTLEDGE:" "As morning came andwithonlyfivehoursleft toreachthefinishline ," "AdamandIdeboardedthe traininVirginia, astatethattakes anAppalachian hikera monthto cross." "Iwaspracticallyhome." "RUTLEDGE:" "I'm going to just go onrecordandsay how  muchI enjoytheSouth." "The people down here, they're just..." "They're just good people." "I will tell you this." "You're very polite people." "I consider you a Southern gentleman." "Uh,I willtellyou one good thingaboutNewYorkers." "If they're angry with you, they're going to tell you right to your face." "There's going to be no mystery." "We're not gonna say, "Well, he's a nice guy, bless his heart."" "Which is Southern code for, "Who brought this moron?"" "ADAM:" "And speaking ofmorons..." "Oh-ho, look who's here!" "How the hell did you catch up?" "Drove all night, my friend." "And got amazing gas mileage, I might say." "He didn't drive all night." "You didn't drive all night!" "Sure, I was on the road all night." "Believedat." "Okay, I don't "believe dat."" "That's a Montero." "It's not a time machine." "Both of you got on a train." "Come on!" "And if you had a decent car, you would have made the train, too!" "That's true." "TANNER:" "I was lucky enough togetsomeshut-eye." "ButmyMontero,onthe otherhand, wasn'tquiteas refreshed." "I'dpushedit toohard tocatchup withthese train-hoppingidiots." "Oh yeah, I'm running a little hot from that hill, so I'll have to have a cool-down here." "What?" "The Montero's running a little hot, pushing all that weight up a hill?" "That's crazy." "You're kidding." "Why is it doing that?" "Could be it's underpowered, what do you think?" "RUTLEDGE:" "So far, Tannerhadtakenusdown  adeadend, missedthetrain,and now  hisoverheatingMonterowas  riskingourentiremission." "I'll just pull over for a second here." "ADAM:" "Ah, great." "TANNER:" "This will just take a second!" "ADAM:" "Yeah, sure." "RUTLEDGE:" "Fan's spinning." "Oh, that's hot." "Ooh, that smells good!" "(ADAM WHISTLING)" "Yeah, it's a little warm." "It's just some of those last hills." "RUTLEDGE:" "Smells like coolant." "TANNER:" "I noticed that there's some leakage up here." "Like, maybe this radiator's had some problems in the past." "RUTLEDGE:" "Think so?" "TANNER:" "Yeah, it's got brown..." "RUTLEDGE:" "I mean, look how hot the motor is!" "(ADAM LAUGHING)" "TANNER:" "Step away." "Step away." "RUTLEDGE:" "Come on, we gotta go!" "TANNER:" "Chocolate on the..." "Oh, what is that?" "Oh, run, Rut!" "Oh!" "What are you doing?" "Welcome to Montero country!" "Are you guys ready?" "We're losing time, Tanner, with your shenanigans." "Yeah, and a tail light." "Moron." "ADAM:" "Back on the road, wemadesomegoodtime , speedingthrough WestVirginia,Tennessee andNorthCarolina." "Finally,wehitGeorgia, thelaststateonthe AppalachianTrail." "Gentleman, I think we might need one more fuel stop before the final push." "Yeah, hold on." "I've got to make a phone call." "He's making phone calls now." "What do you mean, you've got to make a phone call?" "He's probably calling for a pizza." "RUTLEDGE:" "Pizza didsoundgood, butI wasfocusedonbeating theseguysto thefinishline ." "AndI hadonelast trickupmy sleeve." "Hey guys, good news." "I know of a gas station." "It'll be our last fuel up." "Just follow me, all right?" "You copy that, Montero?" "On the caboose." "These guys have no idea what they're in for." "The gas station should be right up here." "Hey Rut, is there a race in town?" "No, no race in town." "Why do you ask?" "Well, there's a big truck right here." "Hey, Clint Bowyer's truck!" "So you don't need gas, Rut?" "(HONKING HORN)" "RUTLEDGE:" "Oh, I need gas, all right." "Hey, fellas!" "TANNER:" "Coming up..." "Oh, you slippery little..." "TANNER:" "We're in a mad race againsttime." "I am going for the win." "TANNER:" "As we push to make it totheendofthetrail ." "Go!" "RUTLEDGE:" "We had made it to Georgiaonourquestto conquertheAppalachiantrail injust24 hours." "Butwewerecuttingitclose  with100milestogoandonly 90minutesto getthere." "Andwithourcarsonempty , wewereforcedtomake  onelaststop." "Fromhereon ,it waseveryman forhimself." "TANNER:" "So you don't need gas, Rut?" "(HONKING HORN)" "RUTLEDGE:" "Oh, I need gas, all right." "Hey, fellas!" "Hey fellas, looking good!" "TANNER:" "He's getting outside help." "ADAM:" "You think?" "Oh, they're showing off." "I've got it." "That's good!" "At least I cheated on my own." "Yeah, you strapped the cables on your own car." "Fair enough." "Go, go, go, go, go!" "High five!" "TANNER:" "Can you believe that?" "You know he's cheating, but..." "I like his style." "Good to have friends, I guess." "That's it." "Seriously?" "What?" "You're done?" "I'm done!" "TANNER:" "After a splash and dash,AdamandIwere inhot pursuitofthebeardedone,  whowasnowamile  aheadofus ,feelingrather pleasedwithhimself." "Now that's how you make a pit stop, right there." "Right?" "Oh, I bet those guys are mad right now." "And I am going for the win!" "ADAM:" "Can you believe that?" "Late cheating." "That son of a..." "TANNER:" "And so theracewason." "Ineededto winthis." "Withunderan hourtogoto  makethe24-hourdeadline, itwastimefor metotake advantageofthe Montero'sstrengths." "You know what, this has been fun on the road and everything, have a good time at 55 miles an hour." "Seeya!" "ADAM:" "Where are you going?" "TANNER:" "To the finish." "Oh, you slippery little..." "Damn!" "Now this is a shortcut!" "TANNER:" "The quickest waybetweentwopoints isa straightline." "AndI hadtheonlymachine thatcoulddo that." "That is a big bump and I can't slow down." "TANNER:" "Out on the open road," "AdaminthesuperchargedJag hadclawedhisway back uptoRut." "ADAM:" "Hello, big girl!" "Really?" "Where the hell did you come from?" "Oh, he's making the pass!" "No!" "(LAUGHING)" "ADAM:" "See you at the finish line!" "(CHUCKLING)" "Holy crap." "RUTLEDGE:" "As Tanner continued hischargecross-country tothefinish, therewasno wayIwas goingtoletAdamwin." "RUTLEDGE:" "Oh, there we go!" "Oh!" "Uphill pass!" "Yeah!" "Aw, I can't take my eyes off you for a minute!" "Look who's got the lead now!" "ADAM:" "With less than amileto go , thiswasmy lastchance topassRut." "ADAM:" "Oh, I see what you're trying to do." "Keepmefromcomingaround." "Want to get your big ass out of my way?" "RUTLEDGE:" "I was ahead ofAdam, buthadIbeatenTanner?" "Oh man, I think this is it." "Come on, come on." "Oh, this is it!" "Yeah, I don't see Tanner!" "I'm gonna win!" "Oh, I can't see him!" "That's it!" "Woo!" "(LAUGHING)" "This guy." "That... (GRUNTING)" "I win." "Well, what time is it?" "Oh, gosh." "It's 12:06." "Which means you lost." "Well, it means you lost." "I just lost less, 'cause I got here sooner." "You're the first loser." "That's worse than being the second loser." "We're the only ones here, which means we win." "Right?" "As far as he knows, we do." "Then, if you don't tell him that we both lost, then it's a tie." "I'm in." "Okay." "Where do you think he is?" "Probably broken down." "Yeah." "Might already be trying to sell it for parts, since I'm sure it blew up." "(LAUGHING)" "You're not serious." "No!" "Oh!" "Are you kidding me?" "(ADAM LAUGHING)" "I just (BLEEP) my pants." "You're scaring the big girl." "(ADAM LAUGHING)" "Aw, that was..." "Nice." "TANNER:" "What time is it?" "You lost." "You guys made it in 24 hours?" "We were here." "I actually came on the trail." "Do you see that?" "See the trailhead right there?" "I was on the trail." "I did the Appalachian Trail, you did some roads around it." "You didn't do the Appalachian Trail." "You drove through the woods." "Leave nothing but your footprints." "It says nothing about big, fat, knobby treadmarks." "Yeah." "ADAM:" "That's what you want the sign to say?" ""No big, fat, knobby treadmarks." "Tanner Faust"?" "It should if they don't want you to drive a Montero on it." "Here you go." "That's for second place." "ADAM:" "Yeah, you earned it." "RUTLEDGE:" "For your sweet tooth." "You earned it." "Thank you." "Kind of hungry, actually." "Kind of need to change my tire." "You just park right there, okay?" "Don't move that." "RUTLEDGE:" "Don't follow me to my fine hotel." "TANNER:" "I'm just going to change the..." "Put the regular tire back on." "RUTLEDGE:" "Don't do it." "Don't do it." "ADAM:" "Don't you come near my Jag." "(MONTERO REVVING)"