"Cornelius, come get your dinner." "Cornelius." "Cornelius, are you deaf?" "What in the hell do you think you're doing?" "Cornelius!" "Cornelius!" "What are you doing?" "What the hell?" "Cornelius!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Was that a bear?" " I think it was a man." " A man-bear?" "No, just a man." "Oh, my God, oh, my God." "Goddammit, Woody." "I thought you said you was straight to drive, man." " What was that?" " I think it's under the truck." "This is like that movie, where they ran over that dude and they thought they killed 'im but they didn't and then he came back next summer and then he killed them." "Shit, that's gonna happen to us." " We're gonna die!" " Goddammit, Woody, we ain't gonna die." "Now back this fucking truck up, so we can get can get the fuck out of here." "What the fuck?" " Fuck this." " Yes, sir." "With a long-anticipated senior year around the corner I think it's time to join the secret society of sleep addicts." "Who am I kidding?" "I dream loudly, but I have to buckle down if I want to get into a good college." "I don't wanna jinx myself." "Forget school for now." "After today, it's officially beach week and I can't wait." "I'm going with my BFF since grade school, Carrie..." " ...and her stupe-ass boyfriend, Freddy." " Spring break, bitches." "I swear, one day, I hope he knocks himself out doing that pose." " Have a seat, Fredrick." " Yes, ma'am." "Hey, buddy." "Then there's Jason." "He's my half-cousin." "Which doesn't stop him from trying to put the moves on me." "Barf." "Brooklyn, my other BFF, Samara's douche-boyfriend." "He moved here in the sixth grade but still claims New York." "Ew, I wish he would move back." "Which brings me to Samara, she's in geometry probably chewing gum and playing with her hair." "So, pen's off to you, dear journal, let's make this one black, white, red and awesome." "All over." "Okay, class, settle down." "I want you to spend the remainder of the class reading Chapter 13 on moving proteins into membranes." "I've got some protein that needs moving." "You can move yourself to the Principal's office, if you like." "That's what I thought." "Now begin reading, class." "# I woke up one morning and I kicked my dog" "# I beat my neighbor's head in with a big maple log" "# Then I called his big fat hairy wife a big fat hairy slob" "# I had the blues" "# The mean motherfucker blues ##" " Yes, Pamela?" " May I be excused to the restroom?" " Hey, soldier." " Hey, you." " You miss me?" " Oh, a little." " You ass." " Okay, okay." " I missed you." " Get me the fuck out of here." "Fuck school!" "Quiet down." "What happened?" "I should've dumped his ass a long time ago." "What did he do this time?" "Don't cock-block me at the beach?" "You have gotta go, it's not gonna be the same without you." "No chance." " Hey, Christine." " Hey." " Did you talk to Samara?" " Yeah, she's not coming." "How many times is she gonna put up with his shit?" "A million." "I hope that kid falls." "Yo." "Smell this." " Dank" " Stank killah killah." " Can I smell?" " These aren't cut up Twinkies, Jason." "Fucking lard ass." "Oh, my God, what the fuck is he doing here?" "What's he doing here?" " Samara's not coming." " I told him he could still come." " Why do you do that?" " Because he has the weed." "Get off my nuts." "Hello?" "Bathroom?" "It's around back." "Woody, Woody." "Woody, Woody." " What now?" " Hey, man." "Go pay for petrol, man." "This isn't enough to get to Mexico on." "Hey, asshole, what the fuck you looking at?" " Let's get the fuck out of here." " What the fuck'd you do, Woody?" "Road beers." "Oh, shit." "Continue on this route for 87 miles." "Yo, can that GPS tell us where we could get some dank nugs?" "I wish." "So, what's the first thing you guys are gonna do when you get to the beach?" "I'm gonna get fucking drunk." "I can't wait to just lay out." "Me too, and take a dip in the ocean." " I can't wait to part that motherfucker." " Yeah, swim, for sure." "You gonna swim with your shirt on again, Jason?" " What, I get sunburned easy." " Yeah, it's not 'cause of your mits?" " Mits?" " Yeah, man tits." "Shut up, Freddy." "I told you I was born with an extra thyroid." " And two stomachs like a cow." " Cows have four stomachs, dumbass." "Don't be jealous 'cause Jason has bigger tits than you." " Fuck you, Freddy." " Don't be a dick." "What?" "Cool, weed." "What, I can get down." "Hey, so, why did Samara bail again?" "Oh, she had crabs, she didn't wanna give it to everybody." "Smart ass." "Yeah, right." "Yeah, I need to take you small-town peeps to BK show you how we get down for real, for real." "Yeah, I could go for a Whopper." "No, man, I'm talking about Brooklyn, fool." "I thought you said you were from Syracuse." "Well, yeah, I mean, I am but I hung out in Brooklyn a lot." " That's where my cousins stay at." " Aren't they like, really far apart?" "Like hundreds of miles?" "Yeah, I live like right on the line." "What are you, The Riddler or something?" "Stop asking me so many questions." "I'm trying to roll this blunt." "You know, this shit right here is the truth." "What the fuck?" "Oh, shit, what." "Yo, this dude got a hard-on, yo." " No, I don't." " Fucking perv." "Gross!" "What, I don't even know what you guys are talking about." "I have to go to the bathroom." "Hey, Jason, bring me back a sweet tea." "Hi, where is your bathroom?" "Who wants to know?" "Uh, me?" "I really need to use your bathroom, miss." " It's around back, darling." " Thank you." "Honey, ain't you forgetting something?" " You need a key." " Oh." "Thanks." "Don't you be going and flushing your bloody tampons down that toilet and leaving 'em all which-away, you throw 'em in the goddamn trash, you hear?" "Um, okay." "All you high school girls bleed like Dracula fucked Willy Wonka and formed a blood factory and slaughtered all those Oompa Loompas and made a bunch of bloody Marys." "Vagina Coyote Uglies." "A lot of Draculas' wives went out on a night on the town and went to a bachelor party and all had their periods at the same time." "Yes, ma'am." "Oh, my God." "What the fuck?" " Alright, you guys ready?" " Just zooming out." " This is so fucked up, Freddy." " Shut up or I'm gonna get you next." "Ready." "There it is." "You better not get me this time." "You're safe, for now." "Fuck." "What the fuck is she doing?" "Dropping the kids off at the pool and giving them swimming lessons?" "You're so gross." "That fucking bitch!" "I knew I couldn't fucking trust her." "Goddammit, I knew it!" "Just relax, Dirk, you don't wanna Hulk out." "It's been six weeks since you've been laid, just just be cool." " Hey." " Hey." "What's wrong, you look like somebody killed your cat." "Cat?" "I don't have a fucking cat." "Are you mistaking me for someone else?" "It's an expression, what's your problem?" "Express this, bitch." "Hello, Dirk?" "Cat?" "I'm a fucking dog person, don't you know me at all?" "Whoa, whoa, what the fuck?" " Pull over!" " Oh, my God, Carrie!" "Freddy, pull over." " Oh, what did you eat?" " Shut up, Freddy." "Oh, Shit!" "Maybe she just needs to eat some grass or something." "Really, Freddy?" "Well, that's what my dog does when his stomach gets upset." " You don't look bad." " I feel better." " Are you sure?" " Yeah, I think it was just something I ate." " School cafeteria, I don't know." " Yeah, looks like Friday's corn dogs." "Let's get out of here." "Why don't you shut up, Jason?" "Holy shit-hole." "Alright, Jason, let's go." " For what?" " Because I said." "I have something important to tell you." "No, you don't, you're just gonna tell me something dumb when we get in there." " Guys, just go." " Yeah, go, Freddy." "Get the fuck out of the car." "Okay, God." "Hey, how are you feeling?" "Better, just having some major cramps." " Are you starting?" " No, I already had it." "Yeah, baby, choke me." "Come on, baby." "Go easy, baby, not so tight." "That was hot." "You never got kinky like that, baby." " Are you on the rag?" " Yeah, sorry." "We've done it when I'm ragging before." "Not with me." " What can I do you for?" " We'd like two rooms." "King size it is." "Smoker or non?" " No, we'd like two rooms." " Two rooms?" "Are you guys with another couple?" "No, they're for us." "Well, you know those don't connect, right?" "We're not gay." "Weren't you holding his dick on the way in?" "Because I don't like cleaning blood off the sheets and shit off the ceilings." "No, sir." "Okay, two non-gay rooms." "That'll be 69.35." "Check-out is 11 a.m. You wanna lick my balls?" " What?" " Do you wanna lick my balls?" "Excuse me, sir, one more time?" "I said do you want a wake-up call." "Oh, no, we're good." "You're all set." "Those rooms are at the end of the building on the left." "Thank you." "Oh, and guys?" "Enjoy your stay." "Thanks." "Hey, I know we got two beds, but why don't you go ahead and sleep out in the car, buddy?" "What?" "No." "I paid for one of those rooms." "Come on, I'm just trying to get some alone time with Carrie." "No, man, forget that." "Plus, dude, she smells like corn dogs and throw up." "Just gimme 10 minutes, I'll wave you in when I'm done." " No, man, I'm tired." " How about I break off your butt plug?" "Alright, fine, 10 minutes, Freddy." " We at the beach yet?" " No, we're stopping for the night." " Jason, what are you doing?" " I think he wants to jerk off or something." "No, Freddy said I had to sleep in the car so he could have sex with Carrie." " You fat fuck." " You're unbelievable." "You are such a dick, Freddy." "Now see what you made me do?" "And if I see you step one foot inside that room I will fuck you up." " Freddy!" " What, I'm not doing nothing." "Babe, are you still upset because of what fat-ass said?" "'Cause I'll kick his ass if you want me to." "What, I will, for you." "I'm not gonna let anyone disrespect my girl." "Oh, come on, Freddy." "No, I'm for real." "You can't let little punks like that get to you." "Throughout your life you're gonna come across people who constantly wanna knock you down because you're a good person." "I know, because I'm good people." "Freddy, I'm not having sex with you." "What sex?" "That's the furthest thing from my mind." " Unless you want to." " No, I don't feel well." " Babe, I got blue balls." " Good, I hope they fall off." "How can you say that?" "Our twins are in there, Fredrick the second and Fredrina." "I'm sick here." "Are you seriously still talking?" "There's no such thing as blue balls, it's just something guys say to get laid." "It's not just blue balls, the men in my family have a long history of producing 10 times the amount of testosterone of the average Greek God or gorilla." "We have to have sex every day, preferably 10 times a day." "Yeah, so you've told me." "Then you know it could be leading to explosive penis syndrome." "Rumor has it the last Pope died from it." "Freddy, if you don't get the fuck out of my face with that shit you'll be lucky to get any this trip." "Your fucking loss, bitch." " Can I at least jerk off on your ass?" " Get out!" "Fucking blue balls." "You alright, boy?" "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just taking a leak." "Our bathrooms smells kinda funny." "Well, you know if you shake it more than three times, you're playing with it." "Yeah, I've heard that." "But I'm only on the second shake, so I'm good." "Okay." "Yes, right there, right there." "Carrie, come here, get on my left testicle." "Clever girl, oh, just like that." "Jason, get the fuck out." "Carrie, oh, yeah." "Goddamn charlie horse." "Carrie!" "There's someone or something out there." "I think she wanted my shoes." " Are you okay?" " Why?" "Do I not look okay?" "No, you... you look great." "Your hair is pretty." " I need you to do me a favor." " Yeah, what?" "I want you to fuck me as hard as you can." "What?" "I want you to fuck me as hard as you can." "Fuck it." "Why are you smoking that in here?" "To get rid of the smell of sex." "It doesn't smell like sex in here." "Not yet." "I'm not having sex with you." "Aight, aight, aight, how 'bout a nice blow job for a big red apple?" "What?" "Ew, no." " So you'll do it for free, then?" " Are you stupid?" "We're not hooking up." "Okay, Sherlock why do you think we are conveniently here in the same room together?" "This was supposed to be me and Samara's room." "And Samara invited me." "And you and Samara aren't together anymore." "That's why she ain't here." " City was better the first time." " But I hear Pat's, like shaking and shit." "Who are you texting?" " Just one of my friends." " Mm-hm." " Guy or girl?" " Girl." "She's sending me pics of her new puppy." "Oh, really?" " Yeah." " Lemme see." "I had to delete it, my in-box was full." "Are you being jealous?" "Fuck this." "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "When you say puppy, do you really mean big fat dick?" "I don't even know what you're talking about." " Oh, really?" " Really." "I saw the pictures on your phone, Pam." "You went through my phone?" "How crazy are you?" "Not crazy enough to be with you." "Fucker." "Dirk, you better get back here, you pussy, or I'm never gonna fuck you again." "I've had better sex in boot camp." "Dirk." "Damn, boy, you like you're a fart away from shitting yourself." " I'm sorry, sir." " Everything all right with your room?" "Yeah, room's fine, it's just the bitch that's in it." " Hey, dickbag." " Excuse me?" "You got a bloody hitchhiker riding with you." "Hold still while I flick it off." " Thanks." " Don't mention it." " Fuck me." " I am." " Fuck me!" " I am!" "Carrie?" "Carrie?" "Carrie?" "Oh, what the fuck?" "Oh, fuck!" "Oh, fuck." "Oh, yeah." "Right there, oh, this is awesome." "Yeah." " I was wondering when you were gonna come to." " Oh, what the fuck?" "That's a pretty nice goose egg you got on your noggin." "Why don't you put your peter back in your pants?" "Follow your chicken-choking ass with me and I'll have the missus fix you up." "No, I'm alright, man." "What the fuck?" "Carrie?" "What's up with the lights?" "Carrie?" "Oh, there you are." "And you're naked." "What a nice surprise." "You been waiting for me?" "What can daddy do for you?" "I know." "Freddy will fix you right up." "Oh, yeah." "I've been waiting for this all week." "You're a little dry." "I'm gonna be wetting you up with my tongue." "You're a bit stinky tonight, baby..." "but, I love it when you're stinky." "Some of your dinner slipped down into your lunchbox, babe, but I love peanuts, too." "Man, your clit is so swollen it's like two clits." "And a banana." "Let me get little Freddy in there I mean, big Freddy in there, now." "You're a little extra tight, baby." "Oh, yeah." "Fuck." "Ah, this feels good." "Fuck." "Oh, shit." "Oh, shit." "Oh, fuck." "I'm gonna have to hit you up on the recharge." "Brooklyn, I invited Samara, she invited you." "You two aren't together anymore, yet, you're here and she's not." "Do you understand what I'm saying?" "So, what you're saying is I make you feel safe." "What?" "Where would you get an idea like that?" "It's aight, it's aight, I know what you meant." "I'll protect you." "You see these?" "These are considered deadly weapons." "They are registered in all 65 states." "I shouldn't even be wearing these right now." "Why you think I had to move out of Brooklyn?" "'Cause I was banned." "You wanna know what my warrior name was?" "Big Fat Dick Deadly Hands." "I can't even jerk off with these bad boys no more." "I'm going for a walk." "Cool, can you bring me back a sweet tea and some Ginger Snaps?" "Yeah, sure." "Oh, yeah, baby." "Oh, you still got a good grip on me." "Feels like someone's ready for round two." "Oh, fuck." "You like that, baby?" "Yeah, you do like that." "Oh." "Okay, I'm gonna go again." "Oh, oh, yeah, oh, yeah." "Oh." "Okay." "Carrie?" "Come on." "Come on, loosen up, Carrie." "Come on, I can't pull it out." "Carrie, come on." "Come on, you gotta let go." "Carrie?" "What the hell?" "Oh, what the fuck?" "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no." "Fuck you, fat faggy fuck." "Come on, come on." "Get off me, you fat, fat fuck." "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, get the fuck off me you fat, fat, fuck." "Fuck, no, no, no, no, no, no." "No, no, no." " Thanks." " You're welcome." "Broke stranger with manners?" "I'm just trying to change the rogue strangers are bad rep." "I'm sorry, are you hitting on me?" "What?" " You're Pamela's boyfriend, aren't you?" " I was." "But I just found out she's been cheating on me." "Oh, my God, I'm sorry." "I feel like such an idiot." "No, it's cool." "Don't worry about it." "Wait." "I'm Christine." "I'm Dirk." "So are you headed to the beach, or..." "I was." "Not so sure now, though." " You?" " Yeah, me and my BFF." "That's cool." "Um so you're in the Army, right?" "Yeah, I was, up 'til a couple weeks ago." "It's a long story, bad ending." "You're really on quite the roll, aren't you, Dirk?" "Yeah, that's for sure." " You wanna talk about it?" " Mm, no, that's cool." "I won't judge you." "Okay." "Were you overseas?" "No, local." "I just got out of boot camp and realized it wasn't really my thing." "No?" "Na, that's more or less my dad's dream." "Did you know, on average, 12 people a year die from vending machines falling on them?" "Do vending machines just randomly fall onto people?" "Oh, no." "Most of the time, people just get pissed." "They lose their money or their snack and they shake it." "The other ones are random, though." "Like, fluke earthquakes." "And why are you putting your vending machine expertise on display for me?" "Are you trying to impress a girl?" "Well, dangerous vending machine, dark motel late at night." "Shouldn't you have your boyfriend take care of this?" " Well, I don't have a boyfriend." " Oh, no?" " No." " Cool." " So you are hitting on me." " What if I was?" "That depends." "Are you a psychotic rapist?" "What if I was?" "I mean, no, no, I'm nothing like that at all." " I don't think you would tell me if you were." " No, no, I'd say something." "Psychotic rapists take a solemn oath." "Well, Dirk, go ahead and hit on me." "See where it takes you." "Alright." "Oh, oh, I'm so sorry." "I'm so sorry." "Goddamn, you are one hefty motherfucker." "What the fuck?" "Get the fuck off me!" "Get the fuck off." "Lights out." "This is the worst spring break, ever." "So, after I graduate, I'm gonna go to veterinarian school." " Oh, so you like animals?" " No, I hate them." "Duh." " My dad's a vet, too." " Oh, your dad was in the war?" "Shut up, Dirk." "But, yeah, I'm a bit of a daddy's little girl." "Oh, well, I'm a bit of a daddy's girl, too." "You are such a smart ass." "Okay, okay, cut it out." "No, me, I'm more of a momma's boy." "What does your dad think about you leaving the Army?" "Well, he doesn't know I left." "He thinks I graduated, he even bought me a gun as a graduation present." "Just really haven't had the heart to tell him I left." "Well, I'm sure he'll understand." "So, are you a cat or dog person?" "Well I love all animals, but since you're so eager to categorize me I would have to say I'm a cat person." " Oh, lame." " What?" "No, you cat people, you're just weird." " We are not." " No?" " No." " No, really, you are." "Did you know, on average, that 12 old ladies a year die by their cats?" "Eaten alive." " Here's the stats man again." " No, really, I'm serious." "I'm not talking about the ones who just horde like 78 of them in their single-wide trailer." "Sometimes, it's the ones that just have one or two of 'em." "They forget to feed 'em one night and the the next thing you know bam!" "Kitten chow." "And you cat people are notoriously violent." " No." " Yes." "And another thing, cats are just so dumb." "Now dogs, that is a smart animal." "Cats are way smarter than dogs." " Oh, really?" " Mm-hm." "How many drug-sniffing cats have you heard of?" "12." " What was that?" " Sounded like it was Carrie." "Carrie?" "Stay with me." " Dirk!" " I'm sorry!" "It was a reaction." "Fuck, run!" "Go!" "Get the keys, get the keys, get the keys." " Quickly, go, go, go, go, go." " Alright, alright, alright!" "Shit." "What are you doing?" "Oh, my God!" "Yo, zombie bitch." "Carrie, what happened to you?" "You were my BFF." "Why?" "Why?" "Something tells me she's not your friend anymore." "What the fuck is going on?" "I don't think we should stick around to find out." "Dirk, Dirk!" "No, no, no!" "Get off!" "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I think so." "Are you okay?" "No, what the hell is going on and why wouldn't that guy just die?" "I don't know." "My God, I'm calling the police." "Hi, yes, police?" "You gotta send someone quick." "My best friend just tried to kill me." "I think it's something she ate or she's on her period." "The Redwood Motel." "Christine." "Yes, please, hurry." "Have you seen my keys?" "Oh, Carrie." "Come on, come to daddy." "Oh, Carrie." "What, no, no, no, no!" "No!" "Dirk!" "Carrie, please let go of me." "Carrie, please let go of me." "Kick her in the vag." " Are you okay?" " No!" "Fuck." "Go, go, go, go." " Yo, shorty, where's my Ginger Snaps?" " Brooklyn I'm gonna need you to listen to me very carefully." "Who the fuck invited John McClain?" "And what's with the burner, John." "It's for protection." "And you need to listen to your friend." "Yo, only pussies carry guns." "You see these right here?" " Yo, you see these?" " Brooklyn!" "Carrie's dead and she's trying to kill us." "Who the fuck is Carrie?" "She's still out there." " Are you guys for real?" " No bullshit." "Take a look for yourself." "I don't see no dead bitch." "Fuck, fuck, oh, what the fuck?" " Get me out, get the fuck out." " Hey, hey, relax!" "We have to stay calm, alright?" " And who the fuck are you?" " I'm the guy that's gonna save your ass." "Call me Dirk." "What?" "Is this guy for real?" "Hey, dispatch?" "What was the address on that location, again?" "713 Brandel Road, so roger that." "Yeah, roger that, I'm on location." "I don't see any signs of disturbance." "Come on, come on, little Freddy, let's get out of here." "Yeah, I'm not gay, I'm not gay, this could happen to anybody, right?" "Oh, what am I gonna tell my priest?" "Oh, fuck." " Who is it?" " Police, open up." " Really?" " Yeah, really, open the door." "Just a minute." " Sir, open the door." " Just one more second." "Open the door, now." " Open the door, now!" " I'm kinda busy right now." "If you'll leave your name, your number at the tone I'll be sure to get back to you as soon as possible, beep." "Sir, I'm gonna give you a count of three and then I'm gonna kick the door in." " One." "Two." " Hold on, one minute." "Three!" " What's going on in here?" " Nothing, man, we were just sleeping." " Sir." " Sir, he's dead tired." "Why are you guys so close together?" "Um, we just finished, you know." "You guys from like California or something?" "No, we're just headed towards the beach and we just stopped here for the night." "Yeah, what happened to your head?" "I got caught on a zipper?" "Did you guys hear any other kind of noises or anything?" "Like screams or something?" "Besides us?" "No, not really." "Well, how 'bout you keep it down, then, huh?" "Yes, sir, thank you." "What was that?" "Nothing, he's just having a bad dream." "Isn't that right, baby?" "Oh, come on, go to sleep." " You guys just be safe." " You too, sir, have a good night." "How could I think your balls were two clits?" " Freeze!" " Thank God, officer." "Why don't you put that gun down, right now." " Yo, he's Dirk." " Quiet!" " Your gun, sir." " Okay." "I'm putting it down." "We're the ones that called you, sir." " Nice and easy, here you go." " Someone or something..." " ...is trying to kill us." " Back away slowly." "Keep your hands where I can see 'em." " Why aren't you listening to us?" " Miss." "Hands where I can see 'em." " Hey, Dispatch." " Sir?" "Go for dispatch." "Dispatch, yeah, I'm over at the motel and I don't know what the hell's going on over here." "Yeah." "Miss!" " Back up, stay vertical." " Zombies is what's going on!" "You motherfucking prick." "So tell them to send for the fucking SWAT team..." " ...and bring your motherfucking Army." " Christine?" "And between all of those fucks, tell them to pray for a fucking miracle that I don't shove a fireball up your ass!" " Christine!" " What?" "Young lady, do not move!" " Sir?" " Miss!" " Sir?" " What?" "Behind you." "What the fuck?" "Yo, put that shit away." "Hey, freeze!" "I'm never jerking off again." "Oh, what the fuck?" "What the fuck, this sucks so bad." "Worst spring break ever." "Jason, what the fuck, dude?" "What the fuck?" "Stop." "What the fuck?" "No." "Jason, what the fuck, man?" "Jason, what the fuck are you doing, man?" "Jason, stop." "Jason." "No." "Jason!" "You will not go out that door." "No, I will not be seen like this." "No!" "Stop it!" "You're not gonna make me gay!" "No, Jason, stop!" "Stop!" "Ah, I'm not gonna die like this." "I'm not gonna die like this." " Come on" " Come on, the keys, the keys." "Come on, the keys!" "I'm fucked!" "Run!" "Run!" "Wake up!" "Pam?" "Fuck me." "You've been fucked." "You okay?" "Yeah." "Thank you." "You know, it's a good night for America." "What?" "Now, I don't know what you kids want here, but I like it." "I feel you." "You know what I could go for right now?" "I could go for some fresh finger food." " How 'bout you, honey?" " One each!" "How about it, son?" "What the hell?" "Shoot him in the brains!" "Shoot him in the other brain." "Come on!" "Come on, gimme the keys, go!" "Let's check the fuck out." "No!" "No!" "No!" "Dirk!" "Fuck you, bitch." "Penis." "Penis." "Penis." "I want penis." "Penis in my butt." "I want penis in my butt." "Fucker!" "I wanna go home." "I'll drive." "Hey, I just wanted to say thank you." "You're welcome." "And, hey, thanks for, uh..." " Oh, my God!" " What?" "What is it?" "What did you do to me?" "I didn't know!" "I must be immune." " Stay away from me!" " Christine!" " Christine!" " Stay away from me, you stay..." "Are you one a them?" "Are you one of them?" "No." "Oh, shit!" "Was she one of them?" "She was pretty." "Yeah, she was." "Where you headed?" "South." "That's where my family is." "We just came from south, man, it's fucking chaos." " Fuckers are everywhere." " Is there anyone left?" "A few." " Where you going?" " South." "Didn't you hear what we just said?" "Ain't nothing down there." "I'll take my chances." "What exactly do you think you gonna do?" "Earth just Googled hero, and I came up number one." "What the..." "# And there was nothing left to do but die #" "# But now I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light through the crack in my coffin #" "# I think I see the light, I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light and my soul is gonna be alright #" "# Because I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light through the crack in my coffin #" "# I think I see the light, I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light and my soul is gonna be alright #" "# I was already packed and all ready to go #" "# When the reaper came a-calling #" "# I was praying to the Lord, please come and save my soul #" "# While my body was a-thawing #" "# My body is deceased, my body is deceased #" "# My body is deceased and the worms are gonna feast #" "# My body is deceased, my body is deceased #" "# But I think I finally see the light #" "# Oh, yeah, I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light through the crack in my coffin #" "# I think I see the light, I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light and my soul is gonna be alright #" "# I was already packed and all ready to go #" "# When the reaper came a-calling #" "# I was praying to the Lord, please come and save my soul #" "# While my body was a thawing #" "# My body is deceased, my body is deceased #" "# My body is deceased and the worms are gonna feast #" "# My body is deceased, my body is deceased #" "# But I think I finally see the light #" "# Oh, yeah, I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light through the crack in my coffin #" "# I think I see the light, I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light and my soul is gonna be all right #" "# Yeah, I was already packed and all ready to go #" "# When the reaper came a-calling #" "# I was praying to the Lord, won't you come and save my soul #" "# While my body was a-thawing #" "# They put me in the ground, they put me in the ground #" "# The preacher said a prayer as they were lowering me down #" "# They put me in the ground, they put me in the ground #" "# But I think I finally see the light #" "# Oh, yeah, I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light through the crack in my coffin #" "# I think I see the light, I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light and my soul is gonna be alright #" "# Because I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light through the crack in my coffin #" "# I think I see the light, I think I see the light #" "# I think I see the light and my soul is gonna be alright #" "# And my soul is gonna be alright #" "# And my soul is gonna... ##" "# I woke up one morning and I kicked my dog #" "# I beat my neighbor's head in with a big maple log #" "# Then I called his big fat hairy wife a big fat hairy slob #" "# I had the blues #" "# The mean motherfucker blues #" "# Then I stole this car and I headed downtown #" "# Saw the paperboy, I ran that little bastard down #" "# Threw it in reverse and squashed his brains into the ground #" "# I had the blues #" "# The mean motherfucker blues #" "# I was doing 90 and I heard that siren wail #" "# Cop pulls me over, says he's taking me to jail ##"