"I was thinking how I keep waiting for life to get easier." "You know, lower stakes, less risk, more reward-- easier." "And I was thinking that maybe..." "It doesn't." "I was thinking that maybe the struggle, the climb, the one obstacle after another-- maybe..." "That's just life." "(Firehorse) ♪ and the Western sun ♪" "♪ was fighting for the sky ♪" "♪ our bodies weren't big enough ♪" "(Amelia and Derek) Done." "88 seconds." "Mm." "Can I call Cooper now?" "You can call Cooper now." "(Gasps)" "♪ Our hearts ♪" "♪ were on fire ♪" "Nights when Lucas stays with Pete used to mean a long, hot uninterrupted bath, but this is so much better." "(Laughs)" "(Chuckles) Yeah?" "Oh, well." "I'm gonna take a half day tomorrow." "Oh, yay!" "(Laughs)" "I'm gonna come home for lunch." "I'll see you then." "Actually, I was thinking, maybe you'd bring Lucas to the fire station." "That'd be the coolest place he's ever been." "♪" "That's really sweet." "Oh. (Chuckles)" "(Laughs)" "That was really dismissive." "That's not-- that's not how I meant it." "No?" "How--no, how did-- how did you mean it?" "(Sighs)" "Look, you make me happy, Violet." "♪ Our hearts were on fire ♪" "And I'm ready for this to be more." "I want you to..." "meet my friends." "I want to get to know your son." "I want your toothbrush in my bathroom." "I'm ready for it to be real." "Is that what you want?" "♪ And it burns in our bones ♪" "Is it Pete?" "I--Scott, I-I-I-- I like you." "I like this." "Yeah?" "♪ Our hearts are on fire ♪" "But... my life is-- it's--it's complicated." "Everyone's life is complicated." "The questions, s, do you want me to be a part of yours?" "♪ Our hearts are on fire ♪" "♪ yes, our hearts are on fire ♪" "(Sheldon) How are you feeling now?" "Good." "Really good." "And I'm so grateful." "I was a zombie, and you woke me up." "Well, the wrong medication can make everything worse, but now that the fog has lifted, we can work toward a proper diagnosis." "Well, today, right now, I-I feel normal." "I got up at 6:00, I did a load of Sam's laundry," "I alphabetized his bookshelves." "(Laughs) I don't know about you, but I" "I hate when people's books are just randomly stuffed in there, and you're looking for one, you can't find it." "Okay." "(Laughs) Then--then I-I went for a run, and I looked at the ocean." "And I--and I didn't-- I didn't just stare at it." "I really-- I really saw it." "Well, that's a lot for a morning." "Yeah." "I-I have 20 years to make up for, for myself and for my brother." "I want us to be closer, but..." "I don't--I don't know how to-- you can always talk to me, Corinne, always." "I'm just not sure where to start and what to leave out." "There's a lot that I am not proud of." "Well, that was your past, and perhaps, as we get more comfortable, we can address that." "Why don't we focus on what's happening now?" "I'm--I'm ready to start over, to have the kind of life that everyone else has." "Well, that's something to work toward." "Oh, that..." "That sounds oddly patronizing." "Whoa." "Wait, wait." "You're saying, you don't think that she can get there or..." "It's important to understand our limitations." "And that goes for all of us." "You're not listening." "I'm not crazy." "This is me." "I'm--I'm back now." "And--and there's nothing I can't do." "(Derek) As Amy has told you, gliosarcomas are very aggressive tumors that don't respond well to treatment." "Then what's the plan?" "(Amelia) We're going to insert vascular balloons into your brain and bypass the large blood vessel that's infiltrated by the tumor." "Our hope is to preserve the healthy brain tissue and remove the tumor." "What's the catch?" "We only have 90 seconds to do it." "What?" "(Derek) After 90 seconds with no blood," "Erica's brain tissue starts to die." "We'd be causing a stroke." "(Charlotte) 90 seconds?" " Can you do that?" " (Amelia) Not alone." "But working together-- they've done it in the practice suite twice." " Twice." " (Amelia) Twice so far." "And we'll keep practicing." "Erica, I'm not gonna lie to you." "This has never been done." "It's risky." "But I believe we can do it." "Maybe you want to take a few more days to practice, try and get that number up?" "(Derek) Well, unfortunately, time is critical." "We have to remove the tumor before it gets too big." " When?" " Today." "I'm s--you want to try a surgery on me that's never been successful today?" "And if you fail, my brain dies." "That's what we're saying." "You have two world-class surgeons telling you you have a chance." "Two days ago, you had none." "You have to take that chance." "I need a day." "I have a son who's stuck watching tv with a nurse with no idea what's happening, so... (Clears throat)" "I need a day." "Okay." "Book the O.R." "First thing tomorrow." "(Man) On my count." "One..." "Dr. Bennett, we were just watching tv, and then all of a sudden, Gloria couldn't catch her breath." "Sudden onset of dyspnea." "No associated chest pain or palpitations." "Tachy at 120." "Cardiac panel, enzymes, portable chest." "She's also 30 weeks pregnant." "What?" "She's pregnant?" "She didn't want to tell you." "That's because you knew it wasn't supposed to happen." "I'm so sorry." "(Monitor beeping rapidly)" "High-flow o-2, 100%." "Dr. Bennett, what's going on?" "She's in congestive heart failure." "What are you doing here?" "I'm the Murphys' I.V.F doctor." "Dr. Reilly gave us our baby." "Wait." "What were you thinking?" "You know how dangerous it is for her to carry a baby right now." "It was routine." "There were no contraindications." "Well, I gave her a donor heart." "I started working with her before I joined the practice." "She never mentioned anything." "All right, well, don't you do physical examinations on your patients before you knock 'em up?" "I did a gynecological exam." "Gloria's was normal." "She-- look, I expect my patients to be forthright with their health." "All right?" "She wasn't." "Fine, you can rely on whatev-- oh." "Am I interrupting?" "Yes." "No." "Jake did I.V.F." "On one of my heart transplant patients." "Not knowingly." "Well, that is either crazy or irresponsible." "Could you please back me up on this?" "I'm just--I just came in to get a yogurt." "Oh, no, no." "Addie-- weigh in on this." "I helped out a patient who lied to me that she had no preexisting conditions." "That's after he just happened to miss the zipper scar right down the middle of her chest." "I don't ask my patients to disrobe entirely when I'm doing a routine fertility evaluation." "Do you?" "Do you want me to start?" "Okay, okay, well-- well, maybe you should." "You know, it doesn't matter how we got here." "What matters is keeping your patient alive and giving the baby a fighting chance." "She's almost 30 weeks." "That's viable." "If we deliver now-- come on, we all know that there's a big difference between viable and healthy." "We can't wait." "We need to give this baby a chance." "Gloria could die." "She's persistently hypotensive." "She could be rejecting the donor heart." "There's a chance it could be something else." "That is a chance that I don't think we should take." "Sam's right." "You gonna eat that or frame it?" "It's a little thing called attention to detail, my friend." "(Footsteps approach)" "Oh, Violet, hello." "Hey." "Hi." "Hello." "I'm sorry." "I ju--I just need to get that juice." "Oops. (Laughs)" "(Pete and Violet) Okay." "(Laughs) I'm in a rush." "Okay." "All right." "See ya." "Uh-huh." "That wasn't awkward at all." "You got it." "(Laughs)" "Come on, dad." "Charlotte throws harder than you." "Come on." "Less chatty, more throwy." "(Thunder rumbling)" "You know what?" "I think it's gonna rain again." "I think we should go." "(Exhales deeply) We're not scared of a little rain, are we?" "It's more the threat of pneumonia and lightning." "Mase, I think you right be right." "Your dad might be a wuss." "(Laughs) Go long." "Mom!" "Did you see that?" "!" "(Laughs)" "You all right?" "(Cries) Would you be?" "Mom, what's wrong?" "Are you okay?" "(Sniffles)" "I'm not okay, honey." "I'm sick, and I'm sure you've noticed that." "And I should've talked to you about it before because..." "I'm really sick." "What do you mean?" "What's wrong with you?" "(Crying)" "There's a tumor in her brain, Mason." "(Continues crying)" "(Crying)" "Mom..." "Are you?" "I hope not." "(Continues crying)" "I really, really hope not." "How long have you been sick?" "(Continues crying)" "A l-long time." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Why didn't you tell me you might die?" "Mason..." "Mason, we're doing everything that we can, okay?" "She should've told me!" "Mason." "Here, I'll go." "I'll go." "(Sobs)" "(Knocks on doorjamb)" "Hey." "Uh, what were you doing before?" "What do you mean?" "With Corinne." "I thought yo were being patronizing and a little pessimistic." "No, Sam, I was being realistic." "Corinne's behavior felt-- her speech was pressured, she was highly energized, and her thoughts were expansive." "That's--that's Corinne." "That's also hypomania." "All right." "So..." "So she's a bit manic." "Which could easily precede full-blown mania and, uh..." "That's a freight train." "Well, at least she's not depressed." "If my gut is right, that'll happen later." "Well, then what are you saying?" "I'm not prepared to confirm a diagnosis, Sam." "But it's very clear to me that Corinne is sick, probably since she was a teenager." "And the last two decades have been a spiral of descent." "Well, I didn't hear her say that." "I'm trained to listen to what isn't said." "My sister being happy isn't a disease, Sheldon." "It..." "Look, when Corinne left, even when it was bad, she was my blood." "She was a huge part of my life." "And when she walked out that door..." "A part of me died, and--and I buried it along with--with all my memories of her." "But now..." "I don't know." "I-I-I think that--that she is back." "My sister is back." "Well, Dr. Bennett thinks you should have a c-section now." "No." "It'll put the least amount of strain on your heart." "No." "It's too soon for the baby." "Do you really think delivering at 30 weeks is ideal?" "Look, you're not wrong." "It will put your baby at risk for developmental problems." "But waiting might not be a." "We've been through so much." "To..." "To give up now and just hope that our premature baby survives..." "We were wrong to deceive you, but no matter what Dr. Bennett says, we won't do a c-section." "Not now." "(Elevator bell dings)" "(Womam speaks indistinctly)" "Hey." "Thanks." "Okay, so remember I was telling you about that sex I was having, that unattached, x-rated, filthy hot s-- s, I remember." "I think I may have screwed it up." "Scott said he wants more." "What did you say?" "Nothing." "And what did he say?" "I just rolled on top of mm and shut him up." "(Both laugh)" "Interesting strategy." "I just... (Laughs) I don't know what I want." "Yeah, join the club." "(Whispers) I slept with Sam." "(Whispers) What?" "(Normal voice) I w--I was all jazzed up about saving that baby, and he was all spun out about Corinne." "One thing led to another." "Are you guys getting back together?" "No." "Because you wanna throw yourself at Jake again?" "Oh, no, definitely not." "All I get from that guy is frostbite." "(Clears throat) What about, uh, you know, what about you and Pete?" "Ah." "When I think about going ba," "I, you know, he hasn't changed." "Nothing's changed, so, no." "And a-as f s Scott, look, look, I am a mother, I have a full-time job." "I have no business getting into a real relationship with anybody." "Okay, but do you like him?" "I mean, apart from the filthy hot sex?" "He's good." "He's kind." "He rubs my feet when we watch tv." "Okay, there's nothing wrong with having fun." "If that's what feels right for you, then don't change a thing." "(Corinne) Chocolate malted." "Uh, and a coffee, too, please." "Regular." "(Slurps)" "(Chuckles)" "Thank you." "Keep the change." "It's mom's favorite." "She's all right, you know?" "Mom." "I was afraid to ask." "It's been so long, I thought maybe she-- no, no, no, she's fine." "She's healthy, retired." "She's got a companion..." "(Chuckles) Named James." "(Laughs) Our mother is getting-- no." "No, no, no." "No." "(Laughs)" "They just--they go out to dinners, he fixes stuff around the house." "(Laughing) Sure he does." "Ugh." "Come on." "That's nasty." "(Continues laughing)" "Did she ever talk..." "About me?" "Yeah, yeah, uh, in the beginning." "But, you know, then it got tough for her." "More than she could, uh, take." "After a while-- she forget about me." "No, you were always there." "For both of us." "We should call her." "I can't." "Not yet." "I..." "You know, this has-- this has already been a lot." "You know, I'm not ready." "Okay?" "Okay, all right." "(Carousel music playing)" "Oh, no." "(Laughs)" "No, no." "Please!" "I still haven't gotten over the p.T.S.D." "From the last time you t-boned me." "No, it's been forever!" "No." "I'm a grown-- let it go." "Come on." "Come with r right now." "(Laughs)" "You're going." "Okay." "(Laughs)" "(Derek and Amelia) Done." "92 seconds." "Damn it." "Son of a bitch." "Well, you did it five times straight in under 90." "We don't practice until you can do it right, Dr. grey." "You practice until you can't do it wrong." "Okay." "Go again." "(Whispers indistinctly)" "(Indistinct conversations)" "How's Erica?" "Sleeping." "Or trying to." "(Whispering) I don't know how you fall asleep the night before you..." "I did this wrong." "I just--I did it all wrong." "How so?" "Dragging Erica up here for some hail-Mary surgery that our friends are gonna perform, they don't even know if they can pull off, and I can't help." "All I can do is pace around, thinking through every awful eventuality, and my son is trapped in a front-row seat for whatever happens." "And you, you didn't ask for any of it." "And you're trapped in the middle of a horror show you can't make any better." "Coop, breathe." "No, I can't breathe, Charlotte." "That's..." "I can't breathe because I feel like I screwed..." "Everything up in the worst possible way." "You didn't screw it up." "You did the best you could." "(Pats chair)" "Tell me it's gonna be okay." "Coop" "I'm not asking for a fairy tale." "I'm just saying, no matter what happens, it's gonna be okay." "Like, worst case and she dies, I mean, it's gonna be okay." "Like, we can do this, we can raise this kid, you can be a mother." "Say it's gonna be okay." "Okay." "It's gonna be okay." "(Cooper) So they're gonna be coming to take you to the O.R. in a couple of minutes, and, uh..." "How you feeling?" "Okay." "But they keep it a little cold in here." "Don't you think, baby?" "Mason, please don't be mad at your mom right now." "No, he gets to be mad." "Mason, look at me." "You get to be mad." "You get to have all of your feelings, as long as you know-- you have to know-- that I love you." "Come here." "I love you more than anything in this whole stupid world." "(Laughs)" "And I always will, from wherever I am, even if you're mad at me." "You know that, don't you?" "Now I need you g go with your dad." "(Sniffles)" "And I have to talk to Charlotte for a second." "Okay?" "You can eat as much junk food as you want today. (Laughs)" "Okay." "(Blows air and cries)" "(Crying)" "What can I do for you?" "Teach him how to drive a stick." "Before you ever let him drive an automatic, teach him how to drive a stick so then he'll never be stranded, okay?" "Okay." "And don't push him too hard on his grades." "He's smart like Cooper, but... (Sniffles)" "He's too hard on himself." "So don't add to that, okay?" "Okay." "And talk about me." "You'll be his mom, but-- no." "You will always be his mama..." "I-- whatever happens." "(Cries) Always." "He needs a living mom." "He'll need you." "You get that?" "Cooper's not enough." "He'll need you." "They're doing the surgery today?" "Okay." "Well, yeah." "Call or text or do something as soon as you know anything, okay?" "All right." "Love to everyone." "Wow." "That was fast." "How are Charlotte and Cooper holding up?" "They're trying." "Oh, hey, do you have, uh, plans tonight?" "Do I have plans tonight?" "Yeah." "I was wondering if I could come by and see Lucas." "Uh, if you're busy, then I'll-- no, no, no, that's fine." "That's fine." "Uh, yes." "(Sighs)" "(Knock on door)" "Hey." "Do you have a second?" "I'm, uh, kind of busy right now." "I'm sorry that I didn't back you up with Sam." "Well, no surprise there, right?" "Look, you know what?" "What happened with Sam was a onetime thing." "And I am quite capable of separating my personal feelings from my professional opinion." "Look, Gloria fought the odds to become a mother." "You know, maybe unwisely, but she's earned the right to put the life of her baby ahead of her own." "No matter what we think, she has that right." "But Sam said" "Sam isn't her I.V.F. Specialist." "All right?" "And neither are you." "Anything else?" "(Sighs)" "You can do this." "There's no margin for error." "There's no margin for self-doubt." "(Sighs) You think I don't know that?" "I, uh, I'll see you in the O.R." "The last time I operated on a friend," "I was out of it." "It's a miracle nothing went wrong." "I mean, what if my karmic payback is now and Erica dies?" "Oh, you're scared." "That's good." "Well, how is that different from having self-doubt?" "Well, you don't doubt your skills as a surgeon." "I wouldn't let you scrub in if you did." "Well, I don't-- I don't see the difference." "After dad died any time there was a loud noise, like a gunshot, you'd jump out of your skin." "You got ahold of these firecrackers." "I found you in the yard, and you were setting 'em off one at a time, until you didn't jump anymore." "When you're scared, you fight." "You face your fear, and you fight." "And you fight to win." "Your fight is much stronger than any karmic payback." "(Clears throat)" "You got this, Amy." "We got this." "Hey." "Whoa." "I thought we'd have stir fry tonight." "This is adventurous." "When did you learn how to cook?" "Couple years ago." "It was this dive on Pico and Venice." "The chef took pity on me." "Let me watch in the kitchen and eat the leftovers." "(Chuckles)" "Wait." "A couple of years ago?" "That... you must mean wait." "How... (Chuckles)" "How long you been here in L.A.?" "It's, um..." "It's complicated." "Corinne?" "How long you been here?" "There's a shelter on Santa Monica." "I'm just-- wait, wait, wait." "Don't--don't--don't-- don't avoid me." "Don't run away." "Just answer my question." "(Pants)" "Fi-five--five years." "Do you have any idea what it's been like for me, for mom?" "We... we thought you were dead." "You--you get that?" "Hey!" "We thought you were dead." "After ten years, we had a funeral for you." "You--you--your name was on a headstone." "Sam, I-- don't." "Stop." "'Cause I had to watch our mother broken." "She was destroyed." "And me..." "How could you do that to me, to us?" "!" "It's not about you." "How could it be?" "!" "It's always been about you." "(Pants)" "What happened to my baby sister?" "(Scoffs)" "You don't wanna know." "You're right." "I don't wanna know." "All this was so much easier when we thought you were dead." "Last night, I was..." "Laying down in Sam's guest room, and I was fantasizing about an earthquake." "Not one that would hurt anyone else." "Just enough to make the piece of roof above my head fall and crack my skull open." "To what end?" "I'm not sure." "I don't know if I just wanted the pain to stop or..." "If I wished I could finally feel something real." "(Sighs)" "And then again, I don't-- I don't even know what's real." "All of it is, everything you feel." "So I am a waste of skin." "Corinne-- what I did to Sam, to my mother," "I should be taken out back and shot." "This is not your fault." "You're suffering from a disorder." "It's called-- it doesn't matter what it's called because whatever you think it is, there's a drug for it, and I'm pretty sure I've taken it before, and it didn't work." "What's happening with you, what's been happening all these years, is bigger than you, and every day, a battle is fought in your mind." "And with repeated misdiagnoses and a lack of proper treatment and the instability of your life, all those things have made it worse." "You're suffering from..." "Bipolar disorder." "And right now, you feel like you can't go on, but I'm telling you" "I'm tired, Dr. Wallace." "I'm so tired." "Why'd this happen to me?" "I was so smart." "I got A's in everything." "I could do everything." "My junior year in high school, everyone wanted to be me." "And then one day, it was all gone." "I can only imagine how hard that would be." "But the Corinne of yesterday..." "Did a load of laundry and organized some books and we went on a run." "And if you can endure the bottoms, there will be tops that will allow you to shine and to thrive." "And with the proper medications and diet and sleep, we can try to turn down the intensity... of the swings and help you achieve your own normalcy." "But you have to be patient and you have to let me help you." "(Perfume genius) ♪ when all ♪" "♪ waters ♪" "The graft is ready ready to inflate." "Timer on. 90 seconds." " Ready?" " Ready." "One, two, three." "Go." "♪ Cover the earth ♪" "♪ when no ♪" "♪ tree ♪" "♪ is shivering ♪" "♪ and the dust settles ♪" "♪ in the desert ♪" "♪ when I can take ♪" "♪ your hand ♪" "♪ on any ♪" "♪ crowded street ♪" "♪ and hold you close ♪" "♪o o me ♪" "♪ with no ♪" "Done." "It's in." "85 seconds!" "Sorry. 85 seconds." "New record." "You did it." "We did it." "We did it." "Okay." "Good." "Moving on." "Let's excise the infiltrated vessels." "(Monitor beeping rapidly)" "Uh, pressure's gone through the roof." "What's going on?" "The artery's non-pulsatile." "She's thrown a clot." "Damn it." "She's stroking out." "♪ And flowers ♪" "You know what that is?" "It's a brain." "It's your mama's brain." "And that is the tumor growing inside it." "So the doctors have to cut into her head to get it out?" "Mm-hmm." "So how are they gonna do it?" "Well, first they'll cut out a section of her skull and dissect the brain so that they can see the tumor." "Then they'll separate the tumor from surrounding tissue before removing it." "If everything turns out right, they'll close her up." "But..." "What could go wrong?" "♪ Any crowded... ♪" "There are risks with any brain surgery." "Your mom could get a blood clot or bleeding in the brain." "It might affect her speech, her vision, her memory." "She might have a seizure or a stroke." "Or she could die from the operation." "♪ No hesitating ♪" "But that is why we came to Seattle." "We wanted your mama to have the very best surgeons doing her operation." "♪" "You're telling me the truth?" "This is all of it?" "Yes." "This is all of it." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "(Monitor beeping rapidly)" "Pressure's 179 over 105." "Shut the hell up." "We know." "The clot's jammed up against the proximal end of the shunt." "I see it." "I'm taking the shunt out." "Without the shunt, there's no blood supply." "Well, if we don't clear the clot, she's dead." "Do it." "Microscissors." "Through the suture line." "(Beeping continues)" "Almost there." "(Beeping continues)" "Got it." "Pressure is..." "Is what it is." "Shunt's out..." "Now." "I think that pretty much cleared out the clot." "Good." "Reinserting the shunt." "Artery is pulsatile." "And pressure's coming down." "(Sighs deeply)" "(Exhales deeply) Okay." "Shall we continue?" "I need the graft and another microdriver." "Just another five or six hours to go." "We're cruising now." "(Exhales deeply)" "That scared the crap out of me." "Yeah, me, too." "Corinne." "OKay, uh..." "Can I talk to you for a minute?" "Look, I just wanted to to apologise for, uh, for this morning." "I-I I didn't mean to yell." "Yes, you did because you are the selfish one." "For the last 20 years, everything in my head, it's-- it's been big and bold." "No--no whispers, just screams and..." "And I tried to deal with it." "You know, I-I-I felt responsible." "I thought it was me." "But you know what, Sam?" "I'm sick." "I'm the one with bipolar disorder." "So you can complain all you want about how worried you were and how worried mom was." "And I feel bad about that." "I-I really do." "But I was living it." "And I protected you from the worst of it." "While you were in med school," "I did my first stint in jail." "And while you were off being a big fancy doctor," "I was eating garbage so I could have enough money for drugs, because that was the only way to escape the pain." "And while you were having a family and living in Malibu," "I was selling my body just to survive." "So..." "You missed me." "Poor you." "This isn't your journey." "It's mine." "It is my..." "Pathetic life." "And you might hate me, but guess what, Sam." "I hate me more." "And I could tell you to go to hell..." "But having lived there the past 20 years," "I'm pretty sure you can't handle it." "You know, so--so screw you." "♪" "(Indistinct conversations)" "What happened?" "She was fine, and then she just started gasping for air again." "Pulse ox is dropping." "Up the nitro drip." "Back on 100% o-2." "Why is she not getting better?" "I'm not sure." "Listen, we're gonna have to take you to the cardio lab, all right?" "We need to do an endocardial biopsy." "We have to figure out what's going on with your heart." "Is that procedure safe for the baby?" "The baby will be exposed to radiation during the X-ray." "The procedure could cause precipitous labor." "No." "I'm not doing it." " Gloria, listen to me." " She said no, Sam." "She can't breathe." "She'll die if we don't do something." "Then do something else." "Give her another dose of diuretics." " She's maxed out." " Then put her on a pump." "Jake, she is a year and a half post transplant." "She's been doing fine." "I'm not just gonna throw darts at a board." "I have to figure out why she's rejecting her heart right now." "(Gasping) I know." "I'm sorry... (Sniffles)" "But I stopped taking my immunosuppressant drugs when I got pregnant." "Why would you do that?" "They could hurt the baby." "You shouldn't have done that." "You shouldn't have done that on your own." "Aah!" " Her water broke." " (Sam) Okay." "We gotta get her in to labor and delivery now." "Damn it." "(Sam) Watch your back there." "(Gloria gasps)" "The baby's coming too fast." " Gloria, I need you to stop pushing." " I can't." "Try to slow your breathing." "It--it hurts." "Gloria, look, breathe with me." "Breathe with me." "Come on." "Pressure's dropping." "Hurry up, Addison." "(Monitor beeping erratically)" " What's going on?" " I'm starting to lose her pulse." " Get ready to bag her." " I'm on it." "All right." "Get that baby out of there, Addison." "Head's out." "Anesthesia." "Thoracotomy tray." "You're gonna crack open her chest?" "I have no choice." "Towel and cord clamp." "W-what do you need?" "External saw." "It's coming." "(J.Viewz's "Rivers and Homes" playing)" "♪" "All right." "Spreader." "(Buzzing)" "Addison, we're running out of time." "Got her." "Scissors." "(Baby crying)" "All right." "I can crank her open." "Do it." "♪" " Damn it." " What's going on?" "She's dissected her aorta." "I need a cross-clamp." "Call perfusion for bypass." "She's in fib." "(Monitor beeping rapidly)" " We're losing her." " Almost there." "Just give me a second." "(Voice echoes) Erica?" "(Normal voice) Erica." "It's Dr. Shepherd." "Can you hear me?" "Mm." "Hurts." "Okay." "We'll get you something for the pain." "Can you wiggle your toes for me?" "Mm-hmm." "And your fingers?" "Both hands." "Good." "All right." "(Exhales) We got the whole tumor." "All of it." "I lived?" "I'm alive?" "If this is heaven, sister, I want my money back." "(Laughs)" "Ow." "I hurt." "The pain medicine's gonna kick in in just a second." "(Groans)" "(Sighs)" "♪" "(Charlotte) Erica," "Mason's looking through the window." "Ah..." " Derek) Easy." " No, don't raise your head." "Just wave." "You can do it." "Lift your hand and wave." "(Exhales)" "Mm-hmm." "♪" "(Cries)" "Perfect." "I'm alive." "♪" "(Wilco's "One Sunday Morning" playing)" " We did that." " We did that." "We gotta publish." "Oh, hell, yeah, we do." "(Laughs)" "You ever think about doing drugs again-  remember this?" " Well, I was gonna say, call me." "I'll fly down to Los Angeles and knock some sense into you." "But okay." "Remember this." "If that doesn't work..." "Yeah, you can totally kick my ass." "Done." "(Laughs)" "Come here." "I love you." "♪ This is how I'll tell it ♪" "She's so small, but she's perfect." "Got ten little fingers and ten little toes." "And her face looks..." "Just like you did when you were younger." "(Sighs)" "It's not a boy, though, so I guess we can't use the name Thomas." "♪ Gone ♪" "We never really talked about girls names." "We shoulda talked about girls names." "She's gonna need something strong, like her mom." "♪" "(Crying)" "We shoulda talked about girls names." "We shoulda." "♪ I can see where they're dawning ♪" "♪ over the sea ♪" "♪ my father said what I had become ♪" "What are you thinking about?" "Nothing." "Come on." "♪ Should be ♪" "(Toy clatters)" "Um..." "Well, I actually was thinking about how bizarre my life is." "I live in a hotel." "I..." "Uh..." "I'm having s-e-x with a 29 year old." "And I had I-n-t-e-r-c-o-u-r-s-e... (Laughs) In an elevator." "I know you did, with an s-l-u-t. (Laughs)" "(Laughs and mutters)" "These bars and these women, it's not-- they're not... ♪" "You ever think a year ago that we'd be-- talking about having sex with other people?" "No." "♪ How am I forgiven?" "♪" "Who are we?" "I don't know." "♪ Oh I'll give it time ♪" "(Toy clatters)" "I love medicine!" "♪" "(Laughs)" "(Laughs)" "Seriously, I do." "The whole medical field, I am in love with it." "I would marry it if I wasn't already married to you." "(Laughing) Well, I am glad I got to you first." "Thank you." "And thank you." "♪ This I learned without warning ♪" "I mean, you did not sign up for this." "I love him." "Mason--I... (Chuckles) I didn't think I could." "(Laughs) I mean, I didn't think I would, but... ♪ He thought I would kill him ♪" "(Voice breaking) When I thought his mama might die... ♪ Oh, but I ♪" "I love him." "And I think it's..." "I think it's 'cause I love you so damn much." "I love you, Cooper, so damn much." "I love you." "♪" "I like you." "You make me feel..." "You have reminded me that I can, uh, laugh and smile and be fun and not think about anything but being close to you." "And that is..." "So, so nice." "♪ For you ♪" "I don't want more." "I don't have more." "So it's either incredible..." "Unattached..." "Mind-numbing sex or, uh... nothing." "♪" "I'll take it." "♪ I can hear those bells ♪" "♪ spoken ♪" "♪ and gone ♪" "♪ I feel relief, I feel well ♪" "Tell me something." "Am I reading too much into..." "All of this?" "Into?" "You and me." "The grocery store, Fiji, Palm Springs-- am I reading too much into that?" "Was it purely physical or..." "Is..." "Is there something emotional here?" "For me?" "Yeah." "For you." "♪ Bless my mind, I miss ♪" "It's not just physical." "♪ Being ♪" "♪ told ♪" "♪ how to live ♪" "Okay." "♪ What I learned without knowing ♪" "♪ how much more I owe ♪" "♪ than I can give ♪" "♪" "I figured..." "I thought that you left because of me." "That time when I told mom that I didn't want a party for my birthday..." "Because I didn't want you to ruin it just like everything else." "I turned around, and you were standing there, and I know..." "That you heard me." "And a week later, you were gone." "I didn't leave because of you, Sam." "I left..." "Because I was sick." "You didn't cause this." "You didn't make this happen." "♪" "And you'd think that that would be a depressing thought-- that there's no end to all of the" "I don't know, that it doesn't get easier, that it just gets different." "But it's not." "It is not." "It's the opposite of depressing." "There's a relief in it." "Life is complex." "There's nothing simple or easy about it." "So I can stop waiting for it to..." "I can stop waiting." "And I can just... live." "♪"