"I MAY HAVE TO JERK IT BEFORE WE EVEN GET THERE." "NOT NEAR ME, PLEASE." "LET ME SEE." "WHO THROWS A PARTY WHEN HIS WIFE LEAVES HIM" "ON THEIR HONEYMOON?" "VINCE DOES." "AND WHY WOULDN'T HE?" "I HOPE THAT'S WHAT MY NEXT HONEYMOON'S LIKE." "VINCE." "YO." "COME IN." "HEY." "YOUR FRIENDS ARE HERE." "REALLY?" "AH, I DIDN'T THINK THEY'D COME." "WHAT?" "LET THEM WAIT." "I JUST GOT OUT OF A FAILED MARRIAGE." "YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE ME AT LEAST A FEW HOURS." "OKAY." "A FEW." "HEY, BOYS!" "HEY, BABY BRO!" "WELCOME." "WHAT'S UP?" "I TOLD YOU GUYS YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO COME." "YEAH, WE WERE IN PARIS ANYWAY." "WE WANTED TO MAKE SURE THERE WASN'T" "A NATALIE WOOD-TYPE SITUATION YOU NEEDED COVERIN' UP." "AW, I APPRECIATE IT." "THANKS." "E DID KINDA HESITATE WHEN WE ASKED HIM" "IF HE WOULD HELP WITH THAT SORT OF THING." "JERK-OFF." "WE THOUGHT YOU WERE ALONE!" "I WAS." "WHERE'D YOU FIND ALL THE HOTTIES?" "IT'S IBIZA, TURTLE." "THEY FOUND ME." "COME ON." "I LIKE IBIZA, BRO." "WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK." "RIGHT BACK." "NOBODY LEAVES." "EXCEPT YOU." "YOU CAN GO." "SO, WHAT HAPPENED?" "JUST WASN'T WORKIN'." "AFTER NINE DAYS?" "SOMETIMES YOU JUST KNOW." "WE ALL KNEW WHEN YOU WERE SAYIN' "I DO."" "I KNOW, I KNOW." "I MADE A MISTAKE." "BUT IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS THE SHORTEST MARRIAGE IN HOLLYWOOD HISTORY." "NO." "BRITNEY SPEARS." "TWO DAYS." "I LOOKED IT UP." "THANK YOU, TURTLE." "ALL RIGHT." "SO, WHAT NOW?" "EASY." "WE'RE GONNA GET IT ANNULLED." "TRUST ME, IT'S ALL GOOD." "AND SHE AGREES?" "SHE SAID IT FIRST." "I MEAN, WE'RE LYING THERE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER," "AND WE DIDN'T HAVE A THING TO SAY." "WHO DOES?" "AND I'M THINKIN', "WHAT DID I DO?"" "AND THEN SHE SAID IT." "AND THEN SHE JUST LEFT?" "NO, WE HAD SEX FIRST, AGREED TO BE FRIENDS," "AND THEN WENT TO SLEEP, AND WHEN I WOKE UP, SHE WAS GONE." "SHE LEFT THIS NOTE." "WHAT'S IT SAY?" "YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT." ""I READ THE SCRIPT FOR YOUR NEXT MOVIE." "YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS."" "THEY'RE DOING ANOTHER REWRITE." "YEAH, WELL, I READ IT AGAIN." "SHE'S RIGHT." "IT SUCKS." "LET'S GET OUT OF IT." "THE MOVIE STARTS SHOOTING NEXT MONTH." "I KNOW." "BUT I REALIZED THIS WHOLE RUSHING INTO MARRIAGE THING" "IS BECAUSE I'M SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING." "SOMETHING MEANINGFUL." "I REALLY NEED TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT." "DIFFERENT THAN ANYTHING I'VE EVER DONE BEFORE." "YEAH, ME, TOO, BRO." "ARI SAYS HE'S GOT SOMETHIN'." "ARI'S RETIRED." "ISN'T HE?" "FAX?" "FAX." "FAX." "I'M SORRY." "I CAN'T PRINT, SCAN OR E-MAIL 'CAUSE THERE'S NO INTERNET-O." "I NEED TO GET BACK TO CIVILIZATION." "HONEY, CAN YOU TAKE ANY LONGER TO PACK?" "ARI, DO NOT PUSH ME, OR I'LL CHANGE MY MIND AGAIN." "I WOULDN'T PUSH HER, DAD." "VINNIE CHASE." "Ari Gold!" "VEGAS ODDS HAD YOUR RETIREMENT LASTING LONGER THAN MY MARRIAGE." "WELL, GOOD THING THAT I BET BIG AGAINST BOTH." "You okay?" "YEAH, I'M OKAY." "AND YOU?" "HOW'D YOU GET THE WIFE TO LET YOU GO BACK TO WORK?" "ONCE SHE REALIZED THAT SHE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT" "THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MILAN WERE SAYING, SHE BEGGED TO GO." "ARI." "I'm not going back to work, Vinnie." "I AM GOING BACK TO BE THE KING OF HOLLYWOOD," "BUT I AGREED TO LIVE BY ALL OF MY QUEEN'S RULES." "ONE OF WHICH IS TO LEAVE MY NUTSAC IN THE MEDITERRANEAN." "MM-HMM." "I HEARD THAT." "BUT WE'RE ALL GOOD." "GOOD." "I HEAR YOU GOT SOMETHING FOR ME." "Something big." "MY FIRST MOVIE AS STUDIO HEAD, AND BOOM!" "I WANT YOU TO STAR IN IT." "OH, YEAH?" "HOW BADLY?" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" "'CAUSE I DECIDED WHATEVER I DO NEXT," "I ALSO WANT TO DIRECT." "DOES HE EVEN KNOW HOW TO DIRECT?" "ARI?" "ARI." "ARI." "EVEN IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A VINCENT CHASE MOVIE," "CHANCES ARE YOU'VE HEARD THE NAME." "THE 34-YEAR-OLD HAS 15 STARRING ROLES ON HIS RéSUMé," "INCLUDING JAMES CAMERON'S "AQUAMAN,"" "ONCE THE ALL-TIME BOX-OFFICE CHAMP." "CHASE HAILS FROM MODEST ROOTS IN QUEENS, NEW YORK," "WHERE HE WAS RAISED BY A SINGLE MOTHER," "AND SURROUNDED BY A GROUP OF LOYAL FRIENDS." "FRIENDS WHOSTILLSURROUNDHIM TODAY." "WECAUGHTUP WITHCHASE ANDHISENTOURAGE" "ONTHESETOF HISDIRECTORIALDEBUT,"HYDE."" "WHO'S HE CALLIN' AN ENTOURAGE?" "AMODERN-DAYRETELLINGOF..." "NOT ME." "I'M A RELATIVE." "ROBERTLOUISSTEVENSON'S CLASSIC," JEKYLLANDHYDE,"" "AFILM THATSOMEIN THEINDUSTRY" "ARENOWWHISPERING WASTOOEXPENSIVE" "TOBEPUT INTHEHANDSOFA FIRST-TIMER." "EH." "SHUT UP." "ISTHAT WHATPEOPLEARESAYING?" "WELL,THISIS  AVERYBIGUNDERTAKING." "WELL, IT'S NOT THAT BIG." "THOUGH THE SETS ARE BIG." "THE SETS ARE BIG." "ENORMOUS, IN FACT." "NO EXPENSE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN SPARED" "IN TURNING THE STREETS OF HOLLYWOOD" "INTO A FUTURISTIC LOS ANGELES NIGHTMARE." "WE WANTED TO SURROUND VINCE" "WITH THE BEST PEOPLE IN THE BUSINESS" "TO MAKE SURE HE WAS COVERED." "THAT'S" HYDE"PRODUCER ERICMURPHY," "CHASE'SLONGTIMEMANAGER" "ANDBESTFRIEND SINCEKINDERGARTEN." "BUTWHATEXACTLY WEREHISQUALIFICATIONS" "WHENMR.CHASE ASKEDHIMTO COMEONBOARD?" "I WAS ACTUALLY MANAGING A SBARRO'S." "SBARRO'S?" "YEAH." "THE PIZZA PLACE." "THIS PIZZA PLACE, IN FACT." "NICE PIC." "CHASEPLUCKEDMURPHYAWAY" "FROMA LIFE OFSPINNINGPIES..." "I AM GONNA KILL MY MOTHER." "...ANDDECIDEDHE WASEQUIPPED TOHELPGUIDEHIM THROUGH" "THETREACHEROUSWATERS OFHOLLYWOOD." "WHAT DID EVERYBODY ELSE THINK?" "WELL, MY AGENT AT THE TIME, HE WASN'T TOO HAPPY." "HISAGENTAT THETIME" "WASNONEOTHERTHAN HOLLYWOODPOWERHOUSEARIGOLD," "WHOHASSINCEMOVEDON FROMTHEAGENCYBUSINESS," "ANDISNOW THEHEADOF THESTUDIO" "THATISPRODUCING"HYDE."" "YOU SEE IT WITH PRO ATHLETES." "YOU " " YOU SEE IT WITH MOVIE STARS." "THEY WANT TO SHARE THE RIDE WITH THEIR FRIENDS." "IT MAKES IT FEEL MORE REAL FOR THEM." "AND WERE YOU OKAY WITH THIS?" "NO, I WAS NOT OKAY WITH IT." "I HATED IT." "I MEAN, I FOUND THIS KID OFF A MENTOS COMMERCIAL." "REALLY?" "YEAH." "I WAS WATCHING TV WITH THE WIFE" "AND I SAID, "THIS GUY'S A STAR."" "MENTOS." "THE FRESHMAKER." "AND YOU WERE RIGHT." "I'M THAT GOOD, PIERS." " IT WASN'T JUST MURPHY THAT GOLD" " WAS FORCED TO DEAL WITH." "THEREWAS SAL" TURTLE"ASSANTE," "ANOTHERFRIEND FROMTHENEIGHBORHOOD," "WHOBECAMEVINCE'SDRIVER." "I LIKE TO THINK I DID MORE THAN JUST DRIVE." "YEAH, HE DROVE, HE PARKED, HE WAITED." "YES!" "HEALSOMADEAFORTUNE INA TEQUILACOMPANY" "THAT'S A GOOD LINE." "WHENCHASEHELPEDHIM ..." "GAINACCESS TOBILLIONAIREMARKCUBAN." "HOWMUCHDIDHEMAKE ?" "HE WON'T SAY." "IT'S SO ANNOYING." "ANDTHAT'SCHASE'S HALF-BROTHER..." "WHY'S HE GOT TO SAY THAT?" "I KNOW." "HE SHOULD'VE SAID QUARTER." "...ANDACTOR,JOHNNYCHASE." "VICTORY!" "YOU'VEPROBABLYSEENHIM  INSOMETHING" "BECAUSE,WELL,HE 'SBEENIN JUSTABOUTEVERYTHING." ""MELROSEPLACE," "PACIFICBLUE,""LAWORDER,"" "ANDTHERECENTLYCANCELED ANIMATED SHOW "JOHNNY BANANAS."" "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS, RONALD." "I'M SO SCREWED." "AND TODAY, HE FEELS HE MAY HAVE CAUGHTTHEBREAKOFA LIFETIME" "AS HIS YOUNGER BROTHER CAST HIM INWHATHE DESCRIBES" "ASA SMALLBUTPIVOTALROLE  IN" HYDE."" "SO, YOU CAME TO HOLLYWOOD FIRST?" "I WAS THE TRAILBLAZER." "AND THEN VINCE FOLLOWED?" "WITH TURTLE." "THEY LIVED IN MY HOUSE RENT-FREE FOR THE FIRST YEAR." "BUT, AS I UNDERSTAND IT," "YOU NOW LIVE IN VINCE'S HOUSE?" "I'M 40 YEARS OLD" "AND COULD QUITE POSSIBLY GET AN OSCAR NOM THIS YEAR." "WHY THE WOULD I LIVE AT MY BABY BROTHER'S HOUSE?" "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST CURSED AT PIERS MORGAN." "I CAN'T BELIEVE HE JUST SAID HE MIGHT GET AN OSCAR NOM." "I'M JUST STAYING THERE TILL MY ROOF GETS RESHINGLED." "SO I GOT THE PIZZA BOY, THE BROTHER FREDO, AND A TURTLE." "YET, SOMEHOW, THIS SORT OF WEIRD COLLECTION OF PEOPLE," "IT WORKED." "IT DID, AND THE TRUTH IS," "THEIR BLIND LOYALTY TO EACH OTHER IS KIND OF CHARMING." "SOME PEOPLE, ARI, SAY YOU HAVE THE SAME CHARACTER TRAITS." "I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS LOYAL, BUT NOT BLIND." "YET, MANY WERE SURPRISED WHEN YOU LET VINCE DIRECT THIS MOVIE." "MANY PEOPLE WERE SURPRISED" "WHEN SOMEONE LET MEL GIBSON DIRECT "BRAVEHEART"" "OR KEVIN COSTNER DIRECT "DANCES WITH WOLVES."" "THEY BOTH WON OSCARS." "BUT THEY WEREN'T STUDIO HEADS HANDING EX-CLIENTS" "DIRECTORIAL DEBUTS AT A TIME WHEN THE STUDIO SUFFERED" "ITS WORST EVER FISCAL YEAR," "AND WITHOUT ANY TENTPOLE FRANCHISE" "TO BOLSTER THE HEMORRHAGING LOSSES." "LISTEN, THE YEAR AIN'T OVER," "AND THIS IS A FRANCHISE PICTURE." "RIGHT, BUT YOU ARE WAY OVER BUDGET." "WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?" "ARI, YOUR NECK IS ON THE LINE HERE," "AND SO IS VINCENT CHASE'S -- YOU'VE GOT TO BE WORRIED." "I DON'T WORRY." "I JUST WIN." "I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE A FLUFF PIECE, PIERS." "NO." "NO." "OKAY, GREAT." "WELL, WHY DON'T " " WHY DON'T WE TURN THOSE CAMERAS OFF." "IS IT HOT IN HERE?" "NO, I'M GOOD." "I GOT ANG LEE FROM THE SET." "NINHAO,NI ZING." "HEY- " "YOU OKAY?" "I DON'T USUALLY WORRY, EITHER." "WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?" "THE MOVIE'S GONNA BE GREAT." "NO, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW." "I'M WORRIED ABOUT TELLING ARI" "THAT WE NEED MORE MONEY TO FINISH THE MOVIE." "WELL, ISN'T IT THE PRODUCER'S JOB TO TELL ARI THAT?" "SERIOUSLY, E." "I WILL CALL HIM TOMORROW." "YOU SAID THAT YESTERDAY." "I'LL CALL HIM." "FINE." "SO, SHOULD WE GO OUT TONIGHT?" "DEFINITELY." "OH, YEAH." "I'M HAVING A GREAT HAIR DAY." "NAH, I CAN'T." "I HAVE PLANS." "WITH WHO?" "YOU DON'T KNOW HER." "DOES YOUR SOON-TO-BE BABY MAMA KNOW HER?" "YEAH." "DRAMA, SLOAN AND I HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER FOR LIKE SIX MONTHS." "YEAH, BUT YOU HAVEN'T BEEN WITH ANYONE ELSE EITHER." "OH, PLEASE, LIKE YOU'D KNOW." "COME ON." "WHO'S THE GIRL?" "HER NAME'S MELANIE, ALL RIGHT?" "I'VE BEEN SEEING HER A FEW WEEKS." "A FEW WEEKS?" "JESUS CHRIST." "THIS GUY SNUCK INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP." "IT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP." "I'M JUST HAVING FUN." "FUN IS WHEN YOU FORGET A GIRL'S NAME" "WHILE YOU'RE FUCKIN' HER." "NO WONDER WHY HE HAS NO TIME FOR BUSINESS." "JESUS." "GUYS, YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALMOST 35." "HE'S ALMOST 60." "I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO THIS SHIT." "FINE." "DON'T." "YEAH, SHE MUST BE A PIG." "DEFINITELY." "YOU'RE AMAZING." "WELL, YOU'RE DOING ALL THE WORK." "YOU'RE DOING PLENTY." "OH, MY GOD." "THIS COULD BE IT." "I'M SORRY." "IT'S OKAY." "I GOT TO TAKE THIS." "HELLO?" "PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT STILL SLEEPING." "I'VE ALREADY RUN FIVE MILES" "AND FUCKED LIKE AN ADULT-FILM STAR." "I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY, ASSHOLE." "I THOUGHT YOU WERE SLOAN." "SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU WERE IN MY DREAM LAST NIGHT." "YEAH, WELL, I HOPE I WASN'T NAKED." "Nope, your baby mama gave birth to Pete Dinklage." "You're not related to him, are you?" "WHO IS THAT?" "YOU GOT A GIRL THERE, E?" "What do you want, Ari?" "BIG TITTIES?" "TIGHT ASS?" "GIVE ME SOMETHING I CAN USE IN THE OFFICE." "I CAN HEAR YOU." "YOU'RE DISGUSTING." "AND I HAVE BOTH." "How do you do it, E?" "I KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR LOOKS OR YOUR PERSONALITY." "ARI." "Just one pic." "COME ON." "MY WIFE DIDN'T REALLY FUCK ME THIS MORNING." "She gets headaches." "ARI!" "HEY, THIERRY." "HEY." "YOU GONNA COACH MY SON'S TEAM?" "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT SHIT." "I LOVE THE HONESTY." "E, WHEN AM I GONNA SEE THIS MOVIE?" "YOU KNOW, I WAS GONNA CALL YOU TODAY TO TALK ABOUT THAT." "I don't want to talk." "I WANT TO WATCH A FILM." "WELL, IT'S NOT READY." "WHEN WILL IT BE READY?" "'CAUSE IMPORTANT PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO WONDER." "IMPORTANT PEOPLE MEANING ME." "DID I TELL YOU THEJEWISHJOURNAL" "JUST NAMED ME "BEST-LOOKING CIRCUMCISED STUDIO HEAD"?" "YEAH, WELL, VINCE STILL HASN'T FINISHED HIS CUT." "YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR A MONTH." "HOLD ON A SECOND." "DO YOU HAVE TIME FOR LUNCH TODAY?" "NO, I-I CAN'T." "I GOT THE " " I GOT THE DOCTOR." "OH, THAT'S RIGHT." "WITH SLOAN." "LOOK, I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD " "Eric!" "YEAH, UH, LISTEN " "How about if, uh, Vince and I come in and see you today?" "SEE ME?" "WHY?" "Something wrong?" "NO, IT'S ALL GOOD." "WE'RE JUST GONNA COME BY THE OFFICE THIS MORNING." "YOU FREE?" "FOR WHAT?" "WHAT'S WRONG?" "UH, WE NEED MORE MONEY." "BYE." "DON'T HANG -- DID YOU HANG UP ON ME?" "!" "E, YOU FUCKIN' DWARF CUNT!" "WHAT'S A DWARF CUNT, DAD?" "OH, I'M SORRY." "IT'S NOTHING, BUDDY." "IT'S A NEW MOVIE IDEA I HAD." "DON'T USE THAT WORD AT SCHOOL." "YOU WERE JUST ON A RUN." "HOW COULD YOU BE SO ANGRY?" "WORK IS NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU THIS ANGRY ANYMORE, ARI." "YEAH, DAD." "I KNOW." "I KNOW." "THAT WAS OUR AGREEMENT." "YES." "I KNOW." "DO WE NEED TO MAKE A THERAPY SESSION WITH DR. MARCUS?" "NO." "I THINK THAT WOULD BE BEST." "MAYBE." "COME ON." "WHY ARE YOU SO SCARED TO SHOW ARI THE MOVIE?" "I'M NOT SCARED." "YOU SHOULD AT LEAST SHOW HIM MY SCENES." "IT'S JUST NOT READY YET," "WHICH IS WHY I NEED E TO TELL HIM" "THAT HE CAN'T SEE IT TILL AFTER THE SCREENING." "YOU REALLY WON'T TELL HIM?" "I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE MONEY." "THE ONLY THING HE'S GONNA DO IS SCREAM AT ME." "OH, FINE." "I'LL TELL HIM." "PUSSY." "UH, SPEAKING OF WHICH," "WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE GIRLS I GOT LINED UP FOR TONIGHT." "I TOLD YOU I WAS HANDLIN' THE GIRLS." "I KNOW, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO AVOID" "SOME OF THE NURSING-HOME REJECTS FROM THE LAST PARTY." "I THOUGHT THE SCREENING WAS TO GET OPINIONS" "ON THE MOVIE, NOT TO GET LAID." "EVERYTHING WE DO IS TO ALSO GET LAID, E." "YOU KNOW THAT." "FUCK ME." "EMILY RATAJKOWSKI." "I LOVE HER." "I KNOW HER." "WHY WOULDN'T YOU?" "HEY, VINCE." "HEY, EMILY." "HOW ARE YOU?" "IT'S SO FUNNY TO SEE YOU." "I JUST GOT AN INVITATION FOR YOUR SCREENING." "REALLY?" "YEAH." "ONE OF MINE, OBVIOUSLY." "WHOSEVER." "THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT FUCKING SCREENING." "MM-HMM." "VINCE." "UH, HEY, UH, EMILY," "I-I GOT TO RUN INTO THIS MEETING." "I-I'LL CALL YOU LATER?" "YEAH." "CALL ME." "YOU'RE UPSET." ""UPSET"?" "HE MEANS ANGRY." "THIS IS THE THIRD TIME" "THAT YOU'VE COME TO ME FOR MORE MONEY." "ARI, LISTEN -- I WAS TALKING TO VINCE, ERIC!" "SEE, I KNOW THEY DIDN'T TEACH YOU ABOUT BUDGETS" "IN SPAGHETTI-AND-MEATBALLS CLASS." "VINNIE HAS BEEN ON SETS BEFORE," "SO I EXPECTED MORE FROM HIM." "I TOLD YOU HE WAS GONNA YELL AT ME." "YEAH, BUT HE'S YELLING ABOUT ME." "WHAT'D YOU SPEND THE MONEY ON, ANYWAY?" "I MEAN, I KNOW IT WASN'T ON TURTLE AND CRAFT SERVICES." "YOU LIKE THE NEW SVELTE FRAME, HUH?" "YOU LOOK LIKE KAREN FUCKIN' CARPENTER." "WHAT DID I TELL YOU" "WHEN I GAVE YOU $100 MILLION?" "WHAT'D WE TELL YOU?" "YOU AGREED TO NOT GO OVER." "WE TOLD YOU IT WASN'T ENOUGH." "BUT YOU AGREED TO NOT GO OVER." "BECAUSE YOU SAID I COULDN'T DIRECT UNLESS WE AGREED." "IT'S LIKE WHEN A GIRL ASKS IF YOU WANT TO BANG HER HOT SISTER." "OF COURSE YOU SAY NO." "NEITHER OF YOU REALLY BELIEVES YOU MEAN IT, THOUGH." "WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?" "THIS IS BAD." "WHEN YOU SEE THE MOVIE, YOU WON'T THINK SO." "HE'SSEENIT ?" "HE'S SEEN A COUPLE OF SCENES." "THEY ARE POWERFUL." "YEAH, A FEW IN PARTICULAR." "WHEN AM I GONNA SEE IT?" "WELL, WE'RE GONNA HAVE" "A FRIENDS-AND-FAMILY SCREENING TONIGHT." "WE'RE GONNA GET SOME FEEDBACK, AND THEN WE'LL SHOW YOU THE CUT." "YOU'RE GONNA LET EVERYONE SEE THE FUCKIN' MOVIE BUT ME." "ARI, YOU ARE ALL THAT MATTERS." "I WANT IT TO BE PERFECT WHEN I SHOW IT TO YOU." "I CAN'T JUST WRITE YOU A CHECK." "I GOT TO DEAL WITH THESE CO-FINANCIERS IN TEXAS." "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE WORKED TO AVOID GOING TO TEXAS?" "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO JEWS IN TEXAS?" "LOOK, ARI, I DIDN'T TAKE AN ACTING FEE ON THIS," "WHICH YOU KNOW IS MORE THAN THE $10 MILLION OVER BUDGET WE ARE." "YOU'RE 15 OVER." "REALLY?" "OKAY, WELL, I DIDN'T TAKE THE FEE BECAUSE I WANTED TO DIRECT." "NOW, WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR 15 YEARS, SO YOU GOT TO TRUST ME." "I DIDN'T WASTE ONE SINGLE NICKEL." "I'VE BEEN KILLING MYSELF TO MAKE THIS MOVIE GREAT," "AND I'M NOT GONNA STOP WORKING UNTIL IT IS PERFECT." "I NEED THE MONEY TO MAKE IT PERFECT." "SO..." "CAN YOU GET IT FOR ME?" "HEY." "HEY." "SORRY I'M LATE." "NO, YOU'RE NOT LATE." "YOU'RE ON TIME, AS ALWAYS." "HOW YOU FEELIN'?" "BIG." "WELL, YOU LOOK GREAT." "THANKS." "DID YOU GET MY E-MAIL ABOUT MY COUSIN SEAN?" "HE HAD HIS BABY." "NO, WHAT DID HE HAVE?" "A GIRL." "LAURIE." "OH." "I SENT YOU A PICTURE." "I THINK YOUR E-MAILS ARE GOING TO MY SPAM." "IT'S NOT INTENTIONAL." "LOOK." "THERE SHE IS." "OH, MY GOD." "SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!" "LOOK AT THOSE EYES." "SOMEONE NAMED MELANIE WANTS YOUR COCK." "HUH?" "MM." "YEAH, IT JUST CAME UP ON THE SCREEN." ""I WANT YOUR COCK." FROM MELANIE." "WOW, THAT'S, UH..." "CLASSY." "SORRY." "IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS." "SLOAN?" "OH." "COMING." "OKAY, LET ME HELP YOU UP." "I WILL, UH, BE RIGHT HERE WHEN YOU GET OUT." "OKAY." "AND I'LL BE IN THERE." "OKAY." "THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT." "HEY, TIP." "HOW YOU DOIN', MAN?" "MAN, I'M DOING JUST FINE IF I'M GONNA HAVE MORE KIDS THAN ALBUMS." "I'M DOIN' JUST DAMN FINE." "YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP." "DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP." "YOU SHUT YOUR OVARIES UP." "OH, SO IT'S MY FAULT." "I'M GONNA TAKE THIS." "I'LL BE RIGHT BACK." "YEAH, MAN." "CALL SOMEBODY WHO CAN KICK ME IN MY NUTS." "I NEED A VASECTOMY." " HEY." " Hey." "Bad time?" "NO, BUT YOU CAN'T TEXT ME SHIT LIKE THAT." "SHIT LIKE WHAT?" "YOU BEG ME TO TEXT YOU SEXY STUFF ALL DAY." "I KNOW, BUT SLOAN WAS LOOKIN' AT MY PHONE." "OH." "I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE AT THE DOCTOR'S ALREADY." "AND WHY'S SHE LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE?" "AH, YOU KNOW." "I WAS SHOWIN' HER A PICTURE OF MY COUSIN'S BABY." "Great." "YEAH, SHE MUST REALLY THINK I'M A WHORE." "No, she doesn't." "GOD, I ONLY SENT THAT BECAUSE I WAS FEELING INSECURE." "I didn't think she or anyone else was gonna see it." "I KNOW, I'M SORRY." "THIS IS REALLY WEIRD, ERIC." "YOU WERE RIGHT." "THIS IS TOO WEIRD." "COULD WE TALK ABOUT THIS AT THE SCREENING TONIGHT?" "No, Eric." "I-I really don't want to get in any deeper." "I THINK YOU'RE A GREAT GUY." "I REALLY DO." "AND I PROMISE I'M NOT MAD." "JUST RESPECT ME, PLEASE." "DON'T CALL." "LOOK, ALL WE'RE SAYING IS WE DON'T GET" "WHY YOU HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH EVERY GIRL YOU FUCK." "AND ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT, UNLIKE YOU," "I LIKE TO HAVE MORE OF A CONNECTION" "THAN WHETHER OR NOT I HAVE EXACT CHANGE." "PFFT." "PLEASE." "I HAVEN'T PAID FOR PUSSY IN YEARS." "AT LEAST A YEAR." "THE POINT IS THE GIRL SAID NOT TO CALL HER ANYMORE." "SO RESPECT THAT AND SEE IF SHE CALLS YOU." "YEAH, BUT HOPE SHE DOESN'T." "YOU GOT ENOUGH COMPLICATIONS RIGHT NOW." "RIGHT." "HOW'S SLOAN, ANYWAY?" "DOCTOR SAYS SHE'S GONNA POP ANY SECOND." "ONE VAGINA CLOSES JUST AS ANOTHER OPENS." "YOU'RE DISGUSTING." "YEAH, AND YOU'RE A MOPE, E, WHICH WE CAN'T HAVE." "SERIOUSLY, THIS IS A BIG NIGHT FOR VINCE," "SO TRY NOT TO RUIN IT." "DON'T WORRY." "HIS MOPING HAS NEVER AFFECTED ME." "I'M NOT MOPING." "NO, YOU'RE MOPING, E." "AND YOU NEED TO GET ON TOP OF SOMETHIN' FAST SO YOU STOP." "I HAD SEX LESS THAN SIX HOURS AGO, DRAMA." "I THINK I'LL BE OKAY." "YOU'RE FUCKIN' SOMETHIN' TONIGHT." "FOR BABY BRO, IF NOT FOR YOURSELF." "HOLY SHIT!" "WHAT?" "RONDA ROUSEY, THE FIGHTER." "SO WHAT?" "SO I LOVE HER!" "GET IN THE CAR!" "GET IN THE CAR!" "JESUS, TURTLE!" "SORRY!" "DO YOU EVEN KNOW HER?" "YES." "WE MET AT COACHELLA A FEW YEARS AGO, REMEMBER?" "OH, YEAH." "THINK WE HAD A CONNECTION." "PLEASE." "HE'S GOT A BETTER CHANCE OF FUCKIN' ME." "OR ME." "SHOULD I ABANDON THIS?" "DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU HAD A CONNECTION?" "YEAH." "THEN GO." "YOU'RE GOOD PEOPLES, VIN." "YO, STOP FOLLOWING ME, MOTHERFUCKER!" "NO!" "NO!" "WE KNOW EACH OTHER!" "GEEZ." "I JUST WANTED TO INVITE YOU TO MY BOY'S SCREENING." "OH." "HEY, VINCE." "HI." "UH, SORRY ABOUT YOUR CAR." "IT'S ALL GOOD." "DO YOU REMEMBER ME?" "OH, YEAH, BUT DIDN'T YOU USED TO BE REALLY FAT?" "LLOYD, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU I DON'T VIDEO CHAT WITH MEN?" "YOU KNOW HOW COMFORTING YOUR FACE IS TO ME, ARI." "WHAT DO YOU NEED?" "Well, I was wondering if I would be seeing you at Vince's screening." "YOUWEREINVITED?" "Drama wants me to see his scenes." "You weren't?" "I'M IN TEXAS." "SMELL THE COW SHIT?" "Oh." "That's too bad." "I actually wanted to see you face to face." "WE ARE FACE TO FACE, YOKO." "IN THREE DIMENSIONS." "WHY?" "Eh-- No." "It's nothing." "COULD WE HAVE LUNCH THIS WEEK?" "I DON'T TYPICALLY HAVE LUNCH WITH MY EX-ASSISTANTS, LLOYD." "NOT UNLESS I NEED SOMETHING FROM THEM," "WHICH I CAN'T EVER IMAGINE BEING THE CASE WITH YOU," "SO WHAT'S UP?" "I'm getting married!" "OH, GOD." "And I want you to give me away." "OH, GOD!" "Please, don't make a gay joke." "I WASN'T GOING TO." "I WAS GONNA MAKE A MARRIAGE JOKE." "NOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN GRANTED THOSE RIGHTS," "GOOD LUCK WITH THE DIVORCE." "THAT'LL REALLY MAKE YOU WISH FOR A GOOD OLD ASS FUCKING." "Ari." "I GOT TO GO." "Wait!" "Ari!" "Will you give me away?" "BYE." "HEY, LARSEN." "SAY, ARI." "THIS IS MY SON, TRAVIS." "HE'S GONNA SIT IN WITH US, IF YOU DON'T MIND." "GOOD." "ARI, WE SURE DO APPRECIATE YOU COMIN' OUT HERE ALL THIS WAY." "OH, OF COURSE." "YOU'VE BEEN ON THE JOB NEARLY EIGHT MONTHS," "AND YOU HADN'T PAID US A VISIT YET." "WE'RE BEGINNIN' TO FEEL UNLOVED." "WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS INVITED." "OH, ANYBODY WHO SPENDS MY MONEY LIKE YOU DO," "ALWAYS INVITED TO MY HOME TO TELL ME WHY." "SAW YOU ON "PIERS MORGAN" LAST NIGHT." "OH, YEAH?" "WHAT'D YOU THINK?" "I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED NERVOUS." "WELL, I WASN'T." "TRAVIS, HERE, HE'S GOT A REAL GOOD EYE FOR THINGS LIKE THAT," "AND H-HE SAID YOU LOOKED LIKE ONE OF THEM GUYS THAT, UH " "W-WHAT WAS IT YOU SAID AGAIN, TRAVIS?" "U-UH, LIKE " " LIKE ONE OF THOSE GUYS FROM BIG TOBACCO" "WHEN THEY WERE UP THERE LYIN' TO CONGRESS." "AH." "WELL..." "WELL, MY WIFE THOUGHT I LOOKED SEXY." "ARI, AM I GONNA LOSE A SHIT TON OF MONEY ON THIS MOVIE?" "NO." "YOUR MONEY'S IN GREAT HANDS." "BUT YOU STILL WANT MORE OF IT." "JUST A LITTLE BIT FOR SOME VISUAL EFFECTS THAT IT NEEDS." "I DON'T CARE ABOUT VISUAL EFFECTS." "WELL, IF YOU WANT TO PROTECT YOUR INVESTMENT," "YOU NEED TO CARE." "HM." "YOU KNOW, IN THE LAST FOUR YEARS," "I'VE INVESTED NEARLY A BILLION DOLLARS" "IN YOUR STUDIO'S MOVIES." "YOU KNOW HOW MANY I'VE SEEN?" "MNH-MNH." "NOT A GODDAMN ONE." "HM." "BUT THIS ONE HERE, I GOT TO TELL YOU," "WITH YOUR " " YOUR MOVIE-STAR GUY IN CHARGE AND EVERYTHING," "I-I'M DAMN CURIOUS." "I UNDERSTAND." "ARI, WE'RE GONNA NEED TO SEE THIS THING" "BEFORE I WRITE ANOTHER CHECK." "LARSEN, MY DIRECTOR " "YOUR -- YOUR MOVIE STAR?" "VINCE DOESN'T WANT TO SHOW THE MOVIE TILL IT'S PERFECT." "HE'S AN ARTIST." "I'D LIKE TO RESPECT THAT." "OKAY." "YOU KNOW, MY WIFE HAS A $12,000 CHIHUAHUA." "THREE YEARS RUNNIN', IT GOT "BEST IN SHOW."" "THE LAST JUDGE SAID THAT HE HAD" "THE BEST COCK AND BALLS HE'D EVER SEEN." "BUT HE AIN'T PERFECT." "YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW THAT?" "HE KEEPS PISSIN' ON MY BOOTS." "I-I DON'T FOLLOW." "I MEAN THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT." "NOW, SEE, FOR YOU, I KNOW THIS MOVIE'S ENORMOUS." "IF IT FAILS," "YOU GO DOWN IN FLAMES QUICKER THAN THE HINDENBERG." "TO ME, THIS IS JUST ANOTHER CHECK." "IT WON'T FAIL." "I HAVE TO GO TO DUBAI TONIGHT ON, UH, MORE PRESSIN' BUSINESS." "I WANT YOU TO TAKE TRAVIS HERE TO LA-LA LAND WITH YOU" "AND SHOW HIM THE GODDAMN MOVIE." "IT'S NOT READY." "WELL, GET IT READY." "'CAUSE THIS OIL SPIGOT IS SHUT OFF TILL YOU DO." "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING ME IF I'M TAKING P.E.D.s?" "YEAH, AND I'M NOT SAYING I'M AGAINST IT." "I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOU DO," "BECAUSE I WANT TO GET SHREDDED FOR THE "HYDE" JUNKET." "NO P.E.D.s. I'M ALL NATURAL." "PROVE IT." "HOW?" "TAKE A PISS TEST." "FINE, BUT IF I PASS, YOU DRINK IT." "GUYS, DID YOU KNOW EMILY WAS SEEING ARMIE HAMMER?" "THE LONE RANGER?" "I THOUGHT THEY BROKE UP." "I GUESS THEY STILL TALK." "I PLAYED SOFTBALL WITH THE GUY." "HE'S OUT OF HIS MIND." "I'D LEAVE IT ALONE, BRO." "REALLY?" "YEAH." "I'M GONNA TRY TO." "WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE" "THERE'S ENOUGH FOOD HERE FOR 300?" "I DON'T KNOW, 'CAUSE THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE ENOUGH FOR 500." "500?" "!" "WELL, AND RONDA." "LOOK, VINCE, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE" "AN INTIMATE THING SO WE COULD GET SOME FEEDBACK." "RELAX." "TURTLE THOUGHT WE'D DO BETTER WITH A BIG CROWD." "DON'T WORRY, I GOT EVERYONE WALKIN' THROUGH THAT DOOR" "SIGNING AN NDA, SO THEY CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT." "AND WHERE ARE YOU GONNA SIT 500 PEOPLE?" "ON THE COUCH?" "DON'T BE RIDICULOUS." "THERE'S A WHOLE BEACH OUT THERE." "CHECK IT OUT." "JESUS." "IT'S ARI." "HELLO?" "WHEN EXACTLY IS THIS SCREENING OF YOURS?" "WHEN IT GETS DARK." "WHY?" "'CAUSE I'M COMING WITH YOUR MONEY," "AND THERE AIN'T NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT." "I DON'T RIDE A BIKE." "I DO THE SANTA MONICA STEPS." "SICK, BRO." "SICK." "THE STORY OF JEKYLL AND HYDE REPRESENTS" "A CONCEPT IN VICTORIAN CULTURE OF THE INNER CONFLICT" "OF HUMANITY'S SENSE OF GOOD AND EVIL." "I HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, BRO." "OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU GUYS." "YOU WENT TO MIDDLE SCHOOL WITH MY DAUGHTER." "WE ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE SO FUNNY." "AND SO CUTE." "LET'S GO." "YOU TIRED YET, TURTLE?" "HEY, VINCE." "BUDDY." "I NEED A FAVOR." "YEAH." "I NEED YOU TO FUCK MY DAUGHTER'S FRIENDS SO I DON'T HAVE TO." "IN ENGLISH LITERATURE, THERE'S A GUY NAMED JEKYLL" "AND A GUY NAMED HYDE." "AND YOU HAVE THAT SAME THING IN YOU." "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" "I'M GONNA SHOW YOU SOME OF MY FOOTAGE." "YOU'RE GONNA FLIP OUT." "YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUT ME IN "IRON MAN 3."" "SURE." "WELL, WE DID THR-- FOUR WOULD BE NEXT." ""IRON MAN 4."" "DOWNEY'S GREAT." "DON'T GET ME WRONG." "I LOVE DOWNEY." "HE'S JUST A LITTLE LONG IN THE TOOTH." "RIGHT." "I THINK YOU WANT TO GO YOUNGER, MAN." "IF I RECALL, YOU'RE FIVE YEARS OLDER THAN HIM." "YOU KNOW, FUCK YOU, FAVREAU." "WHAT " "NAH." "YOU FUCKED ME ON "SWINGERS."" "YOU FUCKED M-- YOU'RE ALWAYS FUCKING ME." "I OFFERED YOU "SWINGERS."" "YOU COULDN'T DO IT BECAUSE OF "VIKING QUEST."" "YOU COULDA SHOT AROUND ME!" "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SHORT" "DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS, E." "NO, I-I KNOW THAT." "DO YOU THINK I'D HAVE A SUPER BOWL RING" "IF I LISTENED TO EVERYBODY WHO TOLD ME I WAS TOO SHORT?" "RIGHT." "WE'RE THINKING OF HONEYMOONING IN MOSCOW OR THE UKRAINE." "WE KNOW IT'S NOT TRADITIONAL." "TRADITIONAL?" "FUCK TRADITIONAL." "DON'T THEY SHOOT GUYS LIKE YOU OVER THERE?" "THAT'S UGANDA." "GO TO HAWAII." "DO YOURSELF A FUCKIN' FAVOR." "MOLLY." "ANYONE WANT MOLLY?" "MOLLY." "MOLLY." "ANYONE WANT MOLLY?" "I THOUGHT YOU DON'T DO DRUGS ANYMORE, BILLY." "I DON'T DO ANGRY DRUGS ANYMORE, DRAMA." "GIVE ME TWO." "I'M SURE ARI HAS SEEN AN UNFINISHED FILM BEFORE." "NOT ONE I'VE DIRECTED." "YOU'RE REALLY NERVOUS, HUH?" "IT'S CUTE." "WHAT, YOU NEVER GET NERVOUS BEFORE A PHOTO SHOOT?" "NO, I KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE." "EVERYONE MAKE SURE YOU FILL OUT A NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT" "OR YOU CANNOT STAY FOR THE SCREENING." "OH, E, THIS HOUSE IS SICK." "WHEN DID VINCE BUY IT?" "IT'S NOT VINCE'S." "IT'S TURTLE'S." "YOU'RE KIDDING." "HOW MUCH DOES THIS FUCKING GUY MAKE?" "EXCUSE ME, MISS." "YOU CAN'T USE A PENCIL WHEN YOU'RE FILLING OUT THE NDA." "SO, THAT'S A TRUE STORY?" "YOU BEAT UP FOUR GUYS FOR GETTIN' LOUD AT A MOVIE THEATER?" "WELL, THE PRESS EXAGGERATED." "I JUST BROKE ONE GUY'S JAW AND ANOTHER GUY'S NOSE." "AND THE THIRD GUY -- THERE WASN'T REALLY FOUR." "THE THIRD GUY, I JUST THREW OVER MY SHOULDER, AND HE RAN OFF." "A BOYFRIEND WITH YOU OR ANYTHING?" "AND WHAT'D HE DO?" "NO, I HAVEN'T HAD A BOYFRIEND IN LIKE TWO YEARS." "TOO FOCUSED ON MY CAREER." "OH." "YOU'RE IN FOUR FUCKING SCENES," "AND YOU EXPECT ME TO GET YOU A MAGAZINE COVER?" "SCARLETT JO WASN'T EVEN ON CAMERA IN "HER."" "SHE GOT A COVER." "YEAH, WELL, IF YOU HAD HER TITS, I CAN GET YOU A COVER." "I GOT A COUPLE COVERS COMIN' OUT, DRAMA." "EVEN A FEW I TURNED DOWN." "WHAT THE FUCK YOU MAKIN' OVER HERE?" "LITTLE POTION FOR E." "MOLLY, WATER, AND A TOUCH OF VIAGRA." "WHAT DID I DO WRONG WITH MY LIFE?" "THIS IS A NORMAL TUESDAY AFTERNOON?" "YOU GOT TO SEE OUR WEDNESDAY PARTIES." "ARI!" "YOU GOT INVITED." "I WANT YOU TO MEET MY fiancé, GREG." "NO, LLOYD!" "NO!" "ERIC MURPHY." "TRAVIS McCREDLE." "NICE TO MEET YOU, TRAVIS." "HI." "ERIC MANAGES VINNIE." "OH." "AND TRAVIS'S FATHER CO-FINANCES OUR ENTIRE SLATE." "ALL THAT MONEY'S GONNA BE MINE SOMEDAY," "SO I PREFER YOU CONSIDER THAT I CO-FINANCED THE SLATE." "FUCK ME." "IS THAT EMILY RATAJKOWSKI OVER THERE TALKIN' TO VINNIE CHASE?" "SURE IS." "YOU WANT TO MEET HER?" "WELL, I WANT TO MARRY HER," "BUT YOU GOT TO START SOMEWHERE, RIGHT?" "OH, BOY." "E, HAVE SOME WATER." "WHY?" "YOU LOOK PARCHED." "ALMOST SICKLY." "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" "YOU'RE YELLOW, BRO." "VINNIE CHASE!" "BIG FAN OF YOUR WORK, ESPECIALLY "AQUAMAN 2."" "AH, THANKS." "BUT I WAS ONLY IN THE FIRST "AQUAMAN."" "WELL, ALL THOSE COMIC-BOOK MOVIES" "START TO BLEND TOGETHER AFTER A WHILE." "EXCEPT FOR "THE AVENGERS."" "ALL FIVE OF THOSE HEROES ON SCREEN AT ONE TIME." "THAT WAS REALLY SOMETHING, WASN'T IT?" "YEAH, WELL..." "TRAVIS, HAVE YOU MET EMILY RATAJKOWSKI?" "NO, BUT I FEEL LIKE WE ALREADY KNOW EACH OTHER." "I SAW YOUR SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SPREAD ON THE PLANE." "THAT LOOKED COLD." "WAS THAT COLD?" "IT WAS." "WELL, IT WAS STILL HOT." "TRAVIS, VINNIE WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU" "FOR ALL THE SUPPORT THAT YOU'VE GIVEN HIM ON HIS MOVIE." "YES." "$100 MILLION-PLUS WITH PA." "AND I HEAR YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR MORE." "JUST A LITTLE." "WELL, I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD TO BEING ABLE TO EXPLAIN WHY." "I'M GONNA GO GET A DRINK." "LET YOU GUYS TALK?" "OKAY." "VINCE, I-IS " " IS THAT YOUR GIRL?" "OH, NO." "WE'RE JUST FRIENDS." "OH." "SO I'M FREE IN THE CLEAR TO GO FOR THAT?" "UH, YEAH." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M ASKIN' YOU FOR." "YOU DON'T OWN EVERY PIECE OF PUSSY IN THIS TOWN, DO YOU?" "MR. SUIT." "ARE YOU OKAY?" "I FEEL STRANGE." "STRANGE HOW?" "MY DICK GETS HARD EVERY TIME A GIRL LOOKS AT ME." "LIKE, TODAY OR ALWAYS?" "YOU'RE CUTE." "I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TALK TO HER." "SEEMS LIKE THE RIGHT MOVE, SUIT." "YOU'RE A GOOD GUY, BILL." "MAYBE I COULD FINANCE SOMETHIN' FOR YOU TO STAR IN." "HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING I'VE DONE, OR...?" "UH, NOT IN COMPLETE, BUT I'VE SEEN THAT TRAILER" "FOR THAT NEW ONE YOU GOT COMIN' OUT MAYBE 500 TIMES." "MAYBE YOU WANT TO FINANCE SOMETHING FOR ME TO STAR IN." "I'M JOHNNY, VINCE'S BROTHER." "OH." "HEY." "YOU'RE AN ACTOR, TOO?" "YEAH." "WHAT'VE YOU BEEN IN?" "EVERYTHING." "HAVE YOU SEEN HIM IN ANYTHING?" "UM, I, UH..." "I'VE SEEN HIM IN "VIKING QUEST."" "REALLY?" "YEAH, AND HE'S IN MY MOVIE." "OH." "JUST FOUR SCENES." "FOUR PIVOTAL SCENES." "HE'S AMAZING." "REALLY?" "YEAH." "ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I WANTED TO MAKE THIS MOVIE" "IS BECAUSE I KNEW WHAT THAT ROLE WOULD DO FOR MY BIG BRO." "IT'S GONNA CHANGE HIS LIFE." "THANKS, BRO." "WELL, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT." "I CAN'T EITHER." "SO, WHAT'S UP?" "ARE WE GONNA DO THIS?" "ARI, RELAX." "IT'S NOT GONNA BE DARK FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR." "BY THE TIME EVERYONE'S SEATED, IT'LL BE DARK." "LET'S GO." "ALL RIGHT." "I GOT TO FIND E." "FUCK E." "TO GET BACK TO MY CONVERSATION..." "SO, YOU'RE A "VIKING QUEST" FAN, HUH?" "HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIVED HERE?" "JUST A COUPLE OF MONTHS." "IT CAME WITH ALL THE FURNITURE AND STUFF," "SO IT FEELS LIVED-IN." "SO, WHAT'S YOUR DEAL, TURTLE?" "YOU SELLING COKE THESE DAYS?" "NO." "WHY -- WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?" "I SAY THAT 'CAUSE THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU," "YOU WERE A FAT POTHEAD LIVING OFF OF VINCE." "AND NOW YOU LIVE NEXT TO SPIELBERG." "I STARTED A TEQUILA COMPANY." "OH, YEAH?" "YEAH." "AND I STARTED WORKIN' OUT." "WHAT DO YOU DO, PILATES?" "I BOX A LITTLE." "AND I " " I DO CARDIO." "THAT'S CUTE." "WHAT?" "I THINK SOMEONE'S FUCKIN' IN THERE." "COME ON." "MOTHERFUCKER!" "OH, MY GOD!" "I GOT IT." "FUCKER." "HEY!" "OH!" "OH, SHIT!" "OF ALL THE GUYS I NEVER THOUGHT I'D CATCH FUCKIN' IN MY ROOM." "SORRY." "NO, DON'T BE." "I LOVE IT." "I LOVE IT." "HI, RONDA ROUSEY." "I WON 500 BUCKS ON YOUR LAST FIGHT." "CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH." "REALLY?" "YOU SAID YOU WERE A VIRGO?" "OH, UH, I " " UM, A GEMINI." "THE, UH, TWINS, RIGHT?" "YEAH." "I LOVE TWINS." "UH-HUH." "COME ON, VINNIE!" "LET'S ROLL THIS MOTHERFUCKER!" "YOU EVER THINK ABOUT PLAYING BASKETBALL?" "YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT SIGNING ME?" "GUYS." "GUYS." "WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?" "VINCE DOESN'T WANT TO SHOW YOU THE MOVIE WITH THIS CROWD." "HOLY SHIT." "WHAT?" "HOW BAD IS IT?" "ARI, IT'S" "NO, YOU LOOK NERVOUS RIGHT NOW, VINCE." "I'M NOT " "NO, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU NERVOUS." "JUST TELL ME, DOES IT SUCK?" "NO." "IT DOESN'T SUCK." "TELL HIM IT DOESN'T SUCK." "IT DOESN'T SUCK." "FILM!" "FILM!" "FILM!" "FILM!" "FILM!" "COME ON!" "FUCKIN' FILM!" "ROLL IT, VINNIE!" "COME ON!" "JUST PUT IT ON!" "VINNIE, SHOW US THE FUCKIN' FILM!" "LET'S GO, BABY!" "HEY, I-I-I'M GONNA -- I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT." "VINCE?" "TIME TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD." "I'M GETTING SOME QUALITY TIME ALONE WITH EMILY." "WHAT'S THE RUNNIN' TIME ON THIS?" "140 MINUTES." "JESUS." "I LIKE SHORT MOVIES, VINCE, YOU KNOW?" "AND " " AND -- AND COMEDIES." "YOU EVER SEEN "BAD GRANDPA"?" "I'M CALLING THIS OFF." "THAT NEVER GETS OLD." "NO " " YOU KNOW, FUCK THESE GUYS." "VINCE." "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "GIVE TRAVIS AND ARI DVDs TO TAKE HOME." "HOLD ON." "VINCE, LET'S SEE THE " "I KNOW, I-I CAN WATCH THAT WITH EMILY." "HEY, EVERYONE." "VINNIE!" "GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS." "THE BAD NEWS IS THE PROJECTOR BROKE." "NO!" "NO, NO." "VINNIE, NO!" "THE GOOD NEWS IS, LOOK WHO JUST SHOWED UP." "PHARRELL!" "PHARRELL?" "WHAT THE FUCK IS PHARRELL?" "COULD WE POSSIBLY CONVINCE YOU TO COME UP HERE AND PERFORM?" "I'M GONNA KILL VINCE." "MY LIFE IS OVER." "NO, IT ISN'T, ARI." "RELAX." "RELAX, E?" "YOU REMEMBER THAT COLOMBIAN SOCCER PLAYER THAT GOT STRUNG UP" "BY HIS DICK AFTER GIVING UP THE GAME-WINNING GOAL?" "WELL, THAT'S WHERE WE'RE HEADED IF THIS MOVIE TANKS." "VINCE WILL NOT COME BACK FROM THIS," "NEITHER WILL I, AND NEITHER WILL YOU." "RELAX KNOWIN' THAT!" "I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH, DO I?" "HEALTH AND HAPPINESS FOR THE KIDS, PEACE ON EARTH..." "THE WIFE TO HAVE BIGGER TITS -- ONLY SOMETIMES." "BUT I'M -- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?" "NOTHIN'." "YOU DIDN'T COME TO BED." "NO, I " " I HAVEN'T..." "WHAT?" "WHAT, ARE YOU PRAYING?" "YEAH." "SOMETHIN' WRONG WITH THAT?" "WELL, YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD, SO..." "FOR THE GOOD STUFF, I DO." "IT'S 2:00 A.M." "YOU SAT DOWN TO WATCH THIS MOVIE AT MIDNIGHT." "I'M MENTALLY PREPPING." "I'M GONNA START NOW." "YOU WANT TO JOIN ME?" "YOU SAID I COULDN'T." "WELL, YOU COULD BLOW ME THROUGH IT, IN CASE IT SUCKS." "EASE THE PAIN?" "GOOD LUCK." "I'LL SEE YOU IN BED." "I LOVE YOU." "I LOVE YOU, TOO." "AH." "DON'T FUCK ME ON THIS, VINNIE." "DON'T YOU FUCK ME." "SADLY,ALLGOODPARTIES MUSTCOMETO AN END." "OH, COME ON." "THERE IS NO WAY EMILY WOULD BANG THAT YOKEL." "I'M TELLIN' YOU -- SHE LEFT WITH HIM." "I DON'T CARE." "NO WAY." "THESE GUYS WITH MONEY ALWAYS GET WOMEN OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE." "OH, YOU MEAN LIKE TURTLE AND RONDA?" "OH, PLEASE " " SHE'S MORE LIKELY TO BREAK HIS WINDPIPE" "THAN BANG HIS MALNOURISHED ASS." "HUH." "WE'LL SEE." "WE WERE TEXTIN' ALL NIGHT." "ANDSHESENTME A SEXY PIC." "YEAH, RIGHT." "SHUT UP." "MM-HMM." "THAT'S A FIGHT-PROMO PIC." "NOT RELEASED YET, THOUGH, BITCH." "AND SHE JUST SAID," ""I'M SENDING AN UBER FOR YOU IN 90 MINUTES,"" "SO..." "BOTH OF YOU." "PROFESSIONAL PICS, UBER CAR..." "SHE WANTS SOMETHIN' FROM YOU, AND IT AIN'T YOUR DICK, BRO." "I AGREE " " SHE PROBABLY WANTS YOU TO MAKE HER SOME MONEY" "NOW THAT YOU'RE MINI-MARK CUBAN." "THAT'S FINE." "TRUTH IS, I-I'D RATHER WORK WITH HER THAN DATE HER, ANYWAY." "OH, YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT, TURTLE." "YEAH, OR MAYBE THOSE SKINNY PILLS HE'S TAKIN'" "ARE FILLED WITH ESTROGEN." "YO, YO." "YO." "HEY, MORNIN', BRO." "ANY WORD FROM ARI?" "RADIO SILENCE." "AH, HE PROBABLY HASN'T EVEN WATCHED IT YET, VIN." "YEAH, MAYBE HIS DVD PLAYER BROKE." "HEY, SIT DOWN, BRO." "I MADE YOUR FAVORITE -- HAND-ROLLED CROISSANTS," "EGGS BENEDICT WITH CHAMPAGNE SHERRY-INFUSED BéARNAISE SAUCE" "AND FRESHLY SQUEEZED GUAVA JUICE." "THAT'S YOUR FAVORITE." "JOHNNY, THIS LOOKS GREAT, BUT I'M NOT REALLY HUNGRY." "HEY, COME ON." "EVEN IF ARI HATED THE MOVIE, WHO GIVES A SHIT?" "HE'S STILL A FUCKIN' AGENT AT HEART." "YEAH, SERIOUSLY, BRO." "FUCK ARI." "YEAH, FUCK 'IM." "FUCK ARI." "THANKS, GUYS." "IT'S ARI." "THINK HE HEARD US?" "WHAT'D HE SAY?" "HE WANTS US TO GO OUT FRONT." "WHY?" "WOW." "HOLY SHIT." "LOOK AT THIS BEAUTY!" "I GUESS HE DIDN'T HATE THE MOVIE." "NO, ACTUALLY, HE LOVED IT." ""VINNIE, I'M BLOWN AWAY." "BLOWN AWAY." "AND, E, YOU'VE DONE GOOD, TOO."" "ANY MENTION OF ME IN THAT NOTE, BRO?" "ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO!" "YEAH!" "OH, YEAH, BABY!" "I REALLY NEED AN ANSWER, ARI." "TIME IS RUNNING OUT." "ISN'T MY OFFERING UP MY HOUSE FOR THE CEREMONY ENOUGH, LLOYD?" "NO, EVEN THOUGH THAT IS SO AMAZINGLY GENEROUS," "THIS IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT TO ME." "I need more information." "LIKE WHAT?" "Like what will you be wearing?" "I KNOW IT CAN'T BE WHITE" "BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN BANGED MORE TIMES THAN " "ARI!" "HEY, LIAM." "GO FUCK YOURSELF, ARI." "FORGIVE AND FORGET, BUDDY." "NO?" "HEY, SCHINDLER." "LEAVE NO JEW BEHIND!" "ARI?" "!" "Listen, Lloyd, I love you," "BUT I JUST -- I CAN'T COMMIT." "REALLY?" "OH, GOD." "HEY, ARI." "TELL ME YOU'RE NOT PARKIN' THERE." "MY STUDIO, ED." "DON'T FORCE ME TO REVOKE YOUR PARKING PRIVILEGES." "FUCKING ASSHOLE!" "WHO IS INSANE ENOUGH TO PARK IN MY SPOT, ALLEN?" "UH, I DO NOT KNOW." "TOW IT." "ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M IN A GOOD MOOD." "JUST SPIT ON IT." "OH, THAT'S MY CAR, ARI." "TRAVIS McCREDLE'S HERE TO SEE YOU." "I CAN SEE THAT NOW." "SORRY." "DIDN'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO PUT IT." "THAT'S OKAY." "WHAT'S HAPPENING?" "YOU GET A CHANCE TO LOOK AT" "VINNIE CHASE'S MASTERPIECE LAST NIGHT?" "I DID." "YOU GOT A MINUTE TO CHAT?" "YES." "YES, YES, YES." "UH..." "GREAT." "HOLD ALL MY CALLS, ALLEN." "BUT REMEMBER YOU HAVE COUPLES THERAPY AT 11:00." "OH, AND " " AND, ARI." "ARI." "Do you still want me to spit on his car?" "WOW!" "WHAT A SPACE." "AH, IT'S COMFY, HUH?" "YOU SHOULD SEE MY FATHER'S WORK OFFICE." "I BET YOUR FATHER HAS A MUCH NICER OFFICE THAN THIS." "NO, MY FATHER DOESN'T BELIEVE IN" "WASTIN' MONEY ON EXTRAVAGANT OFFICE SETTINGS." "MY FATHER BELIEVES IN PUTTIN' MONEY INTO PRODUCT," "WHETHER THAT'S PIG'S EARS WE'RE SELLIN' FOR DOGS TO CHEW ON" "OR METHANE GAS FOR MIDDLE EASTERNERS" "TO POISON EACH OTHER WITH." "YES." "WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I TRIED YOUR FATHER -- WAITIN' TO HEAR BACK." "I SPOKE TO HIM." "I TOLD HIM HE DIDN'T NEED TO CALL YOU UNTIL AFTER WE SPOKE." "OH." "I, OBVIOUSLY, DIDN'T LIKE THE MOVIE" "AS MUCH AS YOU DID, ARI." "NO?" "NO, IT'S NO MASTERPIECE." "AH." "NOT FROM THESE EYES' PERSPECTIVE." "WELL..." "AND, UH, WHAT TYPE OF TRAINING DO YOU HAVE TO JUDGE THAT?" "I WENT TO THE AUSTIN P.A. FILM ACADEMY FOR A SEMESTER," "AND ALL MY TEACHERS SAID I HAD TREMENDOUS TASTE." "I CAN..." "SEE IT IN YOUR WARDROBE." "LOOK, ARI, I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS MOVIE," "AND MY FATHER WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY." "THOUGHTS?" "YOU HAVE NOTES?" "WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL THEM." "BUT MOST OF THEM REVOLVE AROUND" "CUTTING OUT VINCENT CHASE'S MUTANT BROTHER." "DRAMA." "YEAH." "HE'S AN ABOMINATION AND HE'S GOT TO GO." "THE CHALLENGE FOR ME WAS" "I WAS THE ONLY HUMAN IN THAT SCENE." "EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIVING DEAD." "So how did that affect how you played the role?" "IT DIDN'T." "IT COULDN'T." "I HAD TO BE REAL." "IF I PLAYED INTO IT, NO WAY IT COULD BE." "That's really interesting." "YEAH." "NOW, COME ON, BABY." "SHOW ME A LITTLE NIP." "PLEASE?" "You are relentless." "This is like our third session since last night." "YEAH, WELL, I'M A LITTLE STRESSED" "ABOUT AN AUDITION I GOT TOMORROW," "AND YOUR VOICE, IT SOOTHES ME." "TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT." "Fine." "Unbutton your pants." "OH, YEAH, BABY." "OH, YEAH." "OH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT." "Jen!" "Oh!" "What the fuck are you doin'?" "Randy!" "You're supposed to be in Chatsworth!" "Who the fuck is this loser?" "YOU DON'T NEED TO CALL ME A LOSER, BRO." "Jesus." "Put some fucking clothes on!" "Oh, my God!" "You're not supposed to be here!" "Listen to me!" "I'm gonna find you, you hear me?" "You're gonna pay for this." "I'm gonna hunt you down, and you're gonna fuckin' pay for this!" "Johnny, I'm so sorry." "This wasn't " "YO, JOHNNY, WANT TO DROP ME AT EDITING?" "YEAH, SURE, BRO." "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN'?" "YOU THINK I SHOULD START A VODKA COMPANY?" "I THINK YOU WOULD KILL IT." "BUT I DON'T EVEN DRINK." "REALLY?" "UH, LOOK." "I GOT A TON OF IDEAS." "YOU SHOULD HAVE A FITNESS APP" "AND, LIKE, YOUR OWN CLOTHING LINE." "WHAT, YOU DON'T THINK MY BRAND'S DOING FINE ALREADY?" "I THINK YOU COULD ALWAYS BE DOING BETTER, NO?" "I'M CONFUSED." "IS THIS A BUSINESS MEETING?" "UH..." "'CAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW." "I DIDN'T KNOW EITHER." "I-IS THIS A DATE?" "I DON'T COOK FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYIN' TO PITCH ME." "WHATEVER." "I THOUGHT A NICE, NORMAL GUY WANTED TO HANG OUT FOR ONCE." "I DID!" "I DO!" "NO ONE UNDER 250 POUNDS EVER HAS THE BALLS TO TALK TO ME." "I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER." "NO, NO." "IT'S NOT LIKE THAT." "YOU SHOULD GO." "JUST SEE YOURSELF OUT, TURTLE." "RONDA, COME ON." "YOU SHOULD GO BEFORE I FEEL LIKE HITTING SOMETHING." "I'LL CALL YOU AN UBER." "AN UBERX, ACTUALLY." "MOTHERFUCKIN' ASSHOLE." "WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE WON'T RELEASE ANY MORE MONEY?" "WHY NOT?" "I'M DEALING WITH IT." "I thought you said his opinion didn't matter." "IT DOESN'T, AND I'M DEALING WITH IT." "WELL, YOU BETTER DEAL FAST," "'CAUSE WE CAN'T FINISH THE MOVIE WITHOUT MONEY." "REALLY?" "'CAUSE I THOUGHT WE COULD FINISH IT WITH FROOT LOOPS." "YOU'RE FUNNY BUT DID YOU TELL VINCE?" "'CAUSE HE'S ON HIS WAY TO EDITING." "I'm telling you 'cause it's your job," "ALONG WITH GOING OVER BUDGET AND BEING SHORT, TO TELL HIM THESE THINGS." "YOU NEED TO CALL HIM 'CAUSE I'M WALKIN' INTO LAMAZE CLASS." "Nothing says you're working hard" "MORE THAN LAMAZE CLASS AT NOON ON A WEDNESDAY, E." "THANKS FOR NOTHIN'." "HEY, BABY." "I'M EXCITED FOR THERAPY." "DON'T BE." "IT'S A WASTE OF FUCKIN' MONEY." "HEY, KELSEY." "ARI." "MELISSA." "HI." "YOU OKAY?" "I'M HERE, SO I'M FUCKED." "SINCE YOU'RE HERE, I'M GUESSING YOU'RE FUCKED AS WELL." "NICE SEEIN' YA!" "THIS SHOULD BE FUN." "BREATHE IN." "ONE, TWO, THREE." "AND CONTINUE." "WHAT ABOUT THE NAME RYAN?" "FOR A BOY OR A GIRL?" "EITHER." "I LIKE IT." "BUT RYAN MURPHY CREATED "GLEE."" "AND YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL CONFUSE OUR BABY WITH HIM?" "IF WE NAME OUR BABY RYAN MURPHY, THEN, YEAH, I DO." "WHY DOES CHAD LOWE KEEP STARIN' AT YOU?" "Hey." "How are you?" "WOULD YOU STOP?" "WHAT, I JUST DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE DATING." "WE WENT OUT A COUPLE OF TIMES." "IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL." "YEAH." "WONDER WHAT THE GIRL HE'S WITH WOULD THINK ABOUT THAT." "THEY'RE NOT TOGETHER." "THEN WHAT ARE THEY DOIN' IN LAMAZE CLASS?" "WHAT ARE WE DOING IN LAMAZE CLASS?" "THIS IS A FUCKED-UP TOWN." "YEAH." "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I THINK WE'RE BETTER OFF IF WE DON'T QUESTION EACH OTHER." "I AGREE." "BUT TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX." "OH, MY GOD." "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" "WELL, YOU CAN'T, CAN YOU?" "I MEAN, WITH THE BABY IN THERE." "I MEAN, YOU COULD HURT IT, RIGHT?" "OH, RELAX, ERIC." "NO, I'M NOT HAVING SEX." "AND NOT BECAUSE I HAVEN'T WANTED TO." "BECAUSE, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS," "BUT PREGNANT WOMEN CAN GET VERY HORNY." "PROBLEM IS, NOBODY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME." "I'DHAVESEXWITHYOU." "WHERE ARE YOU HEADED WITH THIS?" "WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME YOU LOVE ME" "AND YOU WANT ME BACK AGAIN?" "WHO'S TALKIN' ABOUT LOVE?" "I'M TALKIN' ABOUT SEX." "I'M SAYING THAT I WOULD HAVE SEX WITH YOU RIGHT NOW" "IF YOU REALLY NEED IT." "I JUST DON'T WANT TO GET EMOTIONAL." "DO YOU KNOW I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN HELD IN SIX MONTHS?" "I SEE THAT YOU'RE ALREADY GETTING EMOTIONAL." "FOLLOW ME HOME." "SERIOUSLY?" "YEAH, SURE." "WHY NOT." "YOU'RE CLEAN." "I TRUST YOU." "SLOAN." "YEAH?" "I'M NOT REALLY THAT CLEAN." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" "I HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE LAST NIGHT." "OH, WHO?" "THE "I WANT YOUR COCK" TEXTER?" "NO, SOMEONE ELSE." "ACTUALLY, I HAD SEX WITH THE TEXTER YESTERDAY ALSO." "2 GIRLS IN 24 HOURS?" "WELL, NOT BY DESIGN." "WHO ARE YOU?" "AND WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HONEST?" "'CAUSE THAT'S JUST WHO I AM." "AND I GUESS THAT'S WHY WE'RE NOT TOGETHER." "NO." "WE'RE NOT TOGETHER 'CAUSE YOU FUCKED MY STEPMOTHER." "DON'T EVER FORGET THAT." "AND YOU TOLD ME THAT IF I CAME CLEAN AND ADMITTED IT," "YOU'D GET OVER IT, SO DON'T FORGET THAT." "I TRIED, ERIC." "I MEAN, I DIDN'T MOVE TO NEW YORK" "'CAUSE I REALLY WANTED TO TRY " " I DID." "I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER." "HELLO." "It's Melanie." "I NEED YOU TO MEET ME AT THE LITTLE DOOR IN 30." "I DIDN'T THINK I'D HEAR FROM YOU." "Eric, this isn't a social call." "I'M PREGNANT." "And if you don't meet me in 30," "THE NEXT CALL YOU'RE GOING TO GET IS FROM MY ATTORNEY." "ERIC." "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GONNA SAY THIS," "BUT I'M WILLING TO TRY AGAIN." "DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?" "UH..." "OKAY." "GOOD TALK." "SO, WHY DID YOU STOP TAKING THE "ANGER MEDS,"" "AS YOU CALL THEM?" "I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE WORKING." "IDID." "EXCEPT TO AFFECT ME" "IN PLACES THAT I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE AFFECTED." "HAVE YOU BEEN UNABLE TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION?" "I DIDN'T SAY THAT." "DID I SAY THAT?" "HE'S HAVING TROUBLE FINISHING." "M-MEANING THAT I CAN GO ALL NIGHT." "BOOM." "AND NOW YOU FEEL THAT HE'S REVERTING" "BACK TO HIS PAST BEHAVIORS." "IT'S AS IF WE'RE IN A TIME MACHINE." "THE PAST BEHAVIORS THAT ALMOST ENDED YOUR MARRIAGE." "YES." "YOU DON'T FEEL THAT IS TRUE, ARI?" "NO, OF COURSE I DON'T FEEL THAT IT'S TRUE" "'CAUSE IT'S NOT TRUE." "I PROMISED MY WIFE THAT IF SHE LET ME GO BACK TO WORK," "IT WOULD BE NOTHING BUT FUN, AND IT HAS BEEN." "I DO ALMOST NOTHING BUT SMILE ALL DAY." "AND THE ANGER MEDS DIDN'T MAKE ME CALM." "THEY JUST MADE ME NOT ABLE TO COME," "WHICH JUST MADE ME ANGRY." "AND JUST MADE MY WIFE SORE." "NOW, CURRENTLY, I AM A LITTLE BIT STRESSED" "ABOUT THIS GIANT MOVIE" "BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SEE IT UNTIL YESTERDAY." "THANK GOD IT'S FUCKING AMAZING." "BUT SUDDENLY, THIS LITTLE PUNK BITCH VERSION OF FORREST GUMP" "THINKS THAT HE HAS THE AUTHORITY TO WEIGH IN" "ON CUTTING MY MOVIE-STAR DIRECTOR'S BROTHER," "AND HIS FUCKIN' FOGHORN LEGHORN OF A FATHER WON'T CALL ME BACK" "TO TELL ME THAT HE DOESN'T," "SO, YES, I AM A TINY, TINY BIT STRESSED," "WHICH IS NORMAL, NO?" "WHY DON'T WE KEEP THE FOCUS OFF WORK?" "TELL HER WHAT YOU DID TODAY." "WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?" "HE TOLD HIS EX-ASSISTANT" "THAT HE COULD HAVE HIS WEDDING AT OUR HOUSE." ""EX-ASSISTANT." HE'S LIKE A DAUGHTER TO ME." "YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME." "BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE IT." "WHAT?" "300 GAY MEN RUNNING AROUND IN OUR YARD?" "YOU'RE MAKING BIGOTED ASSUMPTIONS NOW, BABY." "YEAH, HE SAID IT WAS GONNA BE A TOGA-THEMED WEDDING" "WITH GLASS DILDOS AS CENTERPIECES." "THAT WAS A JOKE, OBVIOUSLY." "HE HAS THESE HIGHS AND LOWS." "IT'S, LIKE, ONE MINUTE HE'S ON THE PHONE, SCREAMING," "AND THE NEXT, HE'S ON THE GROUND, PRAYING." "AND I JUST HAVE THIS FEELING IN MY GUT" "THAT HE COULD EXPLODE AT ANY SECOND." "IT'S JUST NOT TRUE." "I TOLD YOU TO TURN THAT OFF." "I THOUGHT I DID." "IT COULD BE THE TEXAN OR VINCE." "IT'S THE STUDIO." "IT'S " " IT'S A NEW PHONE SHE GOT ME." "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN THE RINGER OFF." "TURN THE WHOLE POWER OFF." "WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO." "IT'S THE STUDIO AGAIN." "DON'T ANSWER THAT." "WELL, IT MUST BE IMPORTANT." "DON'T." "IT COULD BE ABOUT THE TEXAN OR VINCE." "I-I HAVE TO TAKE IT." "I" "WHAT?" "Did you show a cut" "OF VINCE'S MOVIE TO LARSEN McCREDLE'S SON?" "Yes." "How do you know?" "THE EDITOR JUST CALLED." "APPARENTLY, THE KID SHOWED UP WITH NOTES." "JESUS." "IS VINCE THERE?" "Not yet." "BUT THE KID SAID, AND I'M QUOTING," ""THAT PRETTY-BOY DIRECTOR IS LOCKED OUT," "ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE, UNTIL I SAY SO."" "ARI?" "Ari?" "I GOT TO GO, DANA." "I'M OKAY TO CONTINUE." "LOOK, MAYBE SHE DID WANT TO BANG YOU." "MY BAD." "YEAH." "YOUR BAD." "YOU TOTALLY GOT IN MY HEAD." "WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL HER AND APOLOGIZE?" "I ALREADY DID." "SHE SENT ME STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL." "TWICE." "LOOK, TURTLE, I'M SORRY." "BUT I GOT MY OWN PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW." "DON'T FUCK GIRLS WITH BOYFRIENDS AND YOU WOULDN'T." "SHE NEVER MENTIONED SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND." "I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT." "UNLESS SHE SELLS YOU OUT, HOW'S HE GONNA FIND YOU ANYWAY?" "WELL, MAYBE HE RECOGNIZED ME." "COME ON." "WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?" "BILLION TO ONE, AT LEAST." "COULD YOU PLEASE NOT MAKE FUN OF ME?" "EVER?" "ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?" "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M AUDITIONING FOR TOMORROW?" "VICTIM NUMBER THREE ON "THE MENTALIST."" "AN OLD, BROKEN-DOWN MALE BALLERINA." "GOOD PART?" "YOU KNOW, I KNOW PEOPLE HAVE LOOKED AT ME AS A JOKE" "FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS." "BUT IN VINCE'S MOVIE, IT FELT LIKE I FOUND SOMETHING." "AND I'M JUST PRAYING THAT PEOPLE SEE IT" "AND THAT THINGS REALLY CHANGE FOR ME." "I GOT A GOOD FEELING THAT THEY WILL." "THANKS." "HEY, IS THAT E?" "NO." "MAYBE." "THAT IS E." "HANG ON." "YO, E!" "WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?" "NOTHING." "WHERE'S YOUR CAR?" "NOBODY WALKS IN L.A., E. YOU LOOK STUPID." "MY LIFE IS OVER." "COME ON, TRAVIS!" "OPEN THE DOOR!" "I'M DEALING WITH ARI ON THIS, VINCE." "ON WHAT?" "COME ON!" "JUST OPEN THE DOOR!" "YO, VINNIE, WHAT'S UP?" "YO, WHAT'S UP, MARK?" "I'M DOIN' SOME LOOPIN' FOR "TED 3."" "THREE?" "HOW MANY OF THOSE ARE YOU GONNA DO?" "SHIT, I'LL DO 20 IF I CAN." "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "YOUR GIRLFRIEND LOCK YOU OUT OF THE EDITING ROOM?" "NO, MY CO-FINANCIER." "YOU SERIOUS?" "WELL, MY BOYS WILL BREAK DOWN THE FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW." "I GOT THE HAMSTER HERE." "HE'S CRAZY." "I'M CRAZY." "VINNIE." "WHAT'S UP, ARI?" "WHAT KIND OF SHIT STUDIO YOU RUNNIN' AROUND HERE?" "MARK, HEY." "CALM DOWN." "DUDE, I'M CALM." "BUT YOU BETTER GET EXCITED." "I MEAN, YOU DON'T WANT EVERYBODY AROUND TOWN" "THINKING THAT THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR FILMMAKERS." "RIGHT?" "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" "LISTEN." "I-I-I AM DEALING WITH IT." "YEAH, WELL, E SAID HE'S NOT GONNA RELEASE ANY MORE MONEY." "CAN HE DO THAT?" "ARI." "HE'S GOT ISSUES." "WHAT, HE DOESN'T LIKE THE MOVIE?" "IT DOESN'T MATTER." "TELL HIM THE TRUTH." "YEAH, SERIOUSLY." "ARI, COME ON, SPEAK!" "TELL HIM THE TRUTH." "DON'T BE SHY." "HE DOESN'T LIKE DRAMA." "HE WANTS TO CUT HIM OUT." "JOHNNY?" "YEAH." "THAT'S FUCKED UP, VINCE." "I'M DOING MY REALITY SHOW "WAHLBURGERS" RIGHT NOW AT AE." "IF THEY TRY TO CUT OUT MY MOTHER, I'D KILL SOMEBODY." "EVEN IF SHE SUCKED AS BAD AS DRAMA PROBABLY SUCKS." "HEY!" "YOU GUYS KNOW REGGIE FROM JORDAN, RIGHT?" "YEP." "YOU GUYS WANT SOME SHOES?" "NO, NO, WE'RE GOOD, MARK." "I'M NOT CUTTING OUT JOHNNY." "NO, YOU'RE NOT." "I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT." "YOU BETTER." "OH, SHIT." "THAT'S ARI GOLD." "HAVE THE REDNECK COUNTRY-ASS HICK IN EDITING BAY 3" "DRAGGED OFF MY LOT." "IF HE RESISTS, YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION" "TO SHOOT HIM IN THE FUCKIN' HEAD!" "YOU'RE LIKE AN NBA PLAYER, E." "YOU IMAGINE WHEN SOMEONE SAYS, "OH, YOU HAVE TWINS?"" "AND HE SAYS, "NO, THEY'RE NOT TWINS." "ONE WAS BORN IN OCTOBER, ONE WAS BORN IN APRIL."" "LIKE MINIATURE IRISH TWINS." "YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS ARE FUNNY, BUT WHAT AM I GONNA DO?" "SERIOUSLY." "TAKE A BREATH." "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S YOURS." "OR IF SHE WANTS IT." "WELL, SHE WANTS SOMETHIN'." "YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE TO WAIT." "WE KNOW." "BUT WE WILL ANYWAY." "HE'S A FUCKING IDIOT." "WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS?" "SOMEONE, APPARENTLY," "'CAUSE THEY'RE LETTING HIM HOLD MY FILM HOSTAGE." "NOT TO PILE ON..." "WHAT?" "WELL, MY PUBLICIST CALLED AND SAID" "THAT "JUST JARED" WANTS TO KNOW IF WE'RE DATING." "I DON'T CARE." "UP TO YOU." "TELL THEM WHATEVER YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH." "THAT WASN'T THEIR ONLY QUESTION." "NO?" "NO." "THEY WANTED TO CONFIRM THAT THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG" "WITH THE MOVIE, SINCE YOU CANCELED THE SCREENING." "OH, JESUS." "WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM?" "THAT IT WAS GREAT." "WHAT DO YOU THINK?" "DO YOU REALLY THINK IT'S GREAT?" "YES." "NOW STOP." "YOU'RE TOO GOOD-LOOKING TO BE INSECURE." "I'M GONNA CALL E." "FUCK YOU DOING?" "WE'RE HUNGRY." "ERIC." "HEY!" "PAULA." "YEAH, OF COURSE." "HI." "HOW ARE YOU?" "GOOD." "IT'S FUNNY RUNNING INTO YOU HERE." "I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU TODAY," "BUT WE DIDN'T EVEN EXCHANGE NUMBERS." "YEAH, I KNOW." "SORRY ABOUT THAT." "DO YOU MIND IF I SIT FOR A MINUTE?" "UH, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I HAVE A MEETING RIGHT NOW." "IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN, UH, I CAN CALL YOU LATER?" "UM, WE HAD SEX LAST NIGHT, SO I'M GONNA SIT FOR ONE MINUTE." "OKAY." "ISN'T THAT THE GIRL HE BANGED LAST NIGHT?" "I THINK SO." "SHE THE ONE THAT GOT PREGNANT?" "I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THIS GUY ANYMORE." "I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT THAT WAS REALLY FAST FOR ME." "I DON'T USUALLY DO THAT THAT FAST." "OH, ME EITHER." "IT WAS SOMETHING ABOUT YOU." "LIKE, YOU " "YOU JUST SEEMED SO..." "SWEET AND INNOCENT." "IS THAT AN ACT?" "NO." "REALLY?" "HEY." "HEY." "IS THAT THE OTHER ONE?" "I DON'T KNOW." "I GUESS." "THIS COULD GET UGLY." "SHOULD WE DO SOMETHIN'?" "YEAH." "TAKE PICTURES." "WHAT, DID YOU BRING A DATE?" "OH, NO, NO, NO." "NO." "WE JUST RAN INTO EACH OTHER." "I JUST MET HIM LAST NIGHT." "OH." "IS THIS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?" "UH..." "'CAUSE LAST NIGHT, YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND." "I DON'T." "I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND." "NO, NO, NO." "I'M " " I'M NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND." "EXCUSE ME." "ALTHOUGH, WE DID HAVE SEX..." "UH, YESTERDAY." "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" "YEAH." "SO DID WE." "DID HE GET YOU PREGNANT ALSO?" "NOT THAT I KNOW OF." "WELL, YOU BETTER CHECK, BECAUSE" "APPARENTLY, HE HAS VERY STRONG SWIMMERS." "OKAY, UM, I WILL GO TO THE GYNO TODAY." "WHAT TIME DID YOU GUYS HAVE SEX?" "LIKE 6:00 A.M. WHY?" "OKAY, SO YOU'RE FINE." "I JUST " " IT'S " "THE REASON WHY I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU TODAY..." "THIS IS, LIKE, EMBARRASSING." "UM..." "YOU MIGHT NEED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, TOO." "WHAT?" "I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS IN FRONT OF HER." "TALK ABOUT WHAT?" "OKAY, I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING." "IT'S PROBABLY NOT CONTAGIOUS." "EW!" "DON'T GET NASTY WITH ME, BITCH." "WELL, WHAT DO YOU HAVE, LIKE HERPES OR SOMETHING?" "CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?" "Shh." "GIRLS, LISTEN." "I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO BOTH OF YOU AT THE SAME TIME." "WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY YOU'RE SORRY" "FOR BEING ANOTHER TYPICAL L.A. DOUCHEBAG." "BECAUSE I'M NOT." "WELL, WE THINK YOU ARE." "WHO RUNS AROUND AND USES AS MANY GIRLS AS HE CAN." "I DON'T." "WELL, WE THINK YOU DO." ""WE"?" "YEAH, WE USED TO LIVE TOGETHER, ERIC." "WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN IN A LITTLE," "BUT WE DID THIS MORNING" "AND, SOMEHOW, YOUR NAME CAME UP." "SO YOU'RE NOT REALLY PREGNANT." "NO." "AND YOU DON'T HAVE HERPES." "NO!" "THANK GOD!" "THIS WAS POINTLESS." "NO, THIS ISN'T POINTLESS." "I GET THE POINT." "THANK YOU." "WELL, N-NOT THANK YOU, BUT, I MEAN, I'M SORRY." "WHAT THE FUCK?" "WHEW." "IT'S STILL TOO BLEAK." "YES, THIS MOVIE WILL BE AN OSCAR CONTENDER," "BUT IT ALSO HAS COMMERCIAL APPEAL, AS WELL." "THE POSTER NEEDS TO LET TOOTHLESS GUYS IN TEXAS," "WHO SNORT METH AND POSSIBLY FUCK THEIR SISTERS," "KNOW THAT IT'S ALSO FUN FOR A SATURDAY NIGHT." "IF ONLY WE COULD SEE IT, ARI." "DVDs ARE BEING MADE AS WE SPEAK." "EVERYONE CAN SEE IT NOW." "YOU'VE SEEN IT?" "OH, YES." "AND IT WORKS?" "OH, IT WORKS, DANA." "I SAW IT LAST NIGHT." "IT WORKS SO WELL, IN FACT," "THAT TONIGHT, AFTER EVERYONE GOES HOME," "I MIGHT SNEAK ONTO THE SET, GO INTO THE HYDE LABORATORY," "AND MASTURBATE INTO A BEAKER." "ARI." "JOHN ELLIS KEEPS CALLING." "THE CHAIRMAN OF THE STUDIO?" "I KNOW WHO HE IS." "UH, HE'S ON THE LOT." "JOHN ELLIS IS ON THE LOT?" "YEAH." "WHAT'D HE SAY?" "HE SAID TO TELL YOU TO GET YOUR ASS UP TO HIS OFFICE." "NOW." "WHAT SHOULD I, UH, TELL HIM?" "YOU TELL HIM TO GET HIS ASS DOWN TO MY OFFICE." "NOW!" "ARI." "ARI!" "HE SAID WHAT?" "!" "MOTHERFUCKER." " I DO A LITTLE LIGHT KARATE." " THIS IS HOW I KEEP " "ARI." "HEY, BUDDY." "DUDE, WHAT'S THIS MAY 4th RELEASE DATE?" "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" "I DON'T HAVE ANY TIME FOR THIS." "COME ON, DUDE." "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" "YEAH, LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I'LL " " I'LL TALK TO MARKETING." "WE'LL GET ON IT." "EXCUSE ME." "WE'RE UP AGAINST TYLER PERRY, LET'S GO, LET'S GO." "THE NEW "HUNGER GAMES" -- WE'LL GET SLAUGHTERED!" "LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT -- I DON'T KNOW YOU." "HEY, WARREN." "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO JOHN ELLIS?" "IT'S ALL GOOD." "YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF THE STUDIO I OWN?" "THE WHOLE THING." "YEAH, WELL, FIX IT, ARI." "IT'S DONE." "THANK YOU, WARREN." "ARI!" "ARI!" "I-I CAN'T NOW, JESS." "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" "I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH FUCKING KIVES," "AND HE SAID THAT YOU STILL HAVEN'T GREENLIT" "MY PASSION PROJECT." "NO, I KNOW." "JESS, WE'RE GOING -- WHAT THE FUCK?" "!" "YOU KNOW -- DO YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT" "ABOUT ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?" "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" "I'M DEALING WITH A FIRST-TIME DIRECTOR HERE I KNOW." "WHO'S MORE INTERESTED IN INSTAGRAMMING MY ASS." "HASHTAG JESSICA ALBA'S ASS." "WELL, HA" " HA-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" "LOOK ME IN THE FACE." "UH-HUH." "I'M GONNA WALK OFF THIS PROJECT" "IF YOU DON'T GREENLIGHT MY MOVIE." "DONE." "SWEAR." "I SWEAR TO YOU, IT'S DONE." "SWEAR!" "IT'S DONE." "IT'S DONE." "ON YOUR MOM!" "YEAH, ON MY MOM!" "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?" "RELAX, JOHN." "YOUR HEART." "I DON'T HAVE A HEART PROBLEM." "NO, BUT YOU'RE OLD." "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?" "YOU TOLD ME WHEN I TOOK THIS JOB" "THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO McCREDLE." "I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU WERE GONNA GO OVER BUDGET ON YOUR FIRST SHOT." "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT A MOVIE COSTS." "ONLY WHAT IT MAKES." "THIS ONE IS GOING TO MAKE " "ARI, I PUT MY REPUTATION ON THE LINE" "TO GET YOU THIS JOB." "NO, YOU BEGGED ME TO TAKE THIS JOB." "ACTUALLY, YOU BEGGED ME TO TAKE YOUR JOB." "AND THEN YOU TOOK YOUR OFFER BACK" "AND TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE GOING TO GROOM ME." "FOR ONE YEAR!" "AND THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF GROOMING?" "THIS IS THE NEW WORLD." "WE'RE ALL IN IT." "WE MINIMIZE OUR RISK." "AND MAXIMIZE OUR POSITION AS PUSSIES" "BY KOWTOWING TO COWTIPPERS?" "I TOLD YOU, WITH THIS MOVIE," "I DIDN'T WANT ANY OF THEIR FUCKING FARM MONEY." "I DIDN'T NEED IT." "THE BOARD DISAGREED." "AND SO DID I." "ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SPENT ANDABOUTHOWYOU MADEIT." "SO THIS IS ALL ABOUT VINCE." "NOBODY THOUGHT HE HAD ANY BUSINESS DIRECTING THIS FILM," "BUT YOU BULLIED IT THROUGH." "THAT'S WHY YOU WANTED ME TO SUCCEED YOU." "I BULLY EVERYTHING THROUGH." "WELL, SEE IT ANY WAY YOU LIKE." "I'M TAKING YOU OFF THIS MOVIE." "DANA GORDON IS IN CHARGE NOW." "WE MADE A GREAT MOVIE THAT THIS IDIOT IS TRYING TO FUCK UP." "THIS IDIOT'S FATHER OWNS HALF THE FUCKING NEGATIVE," "AND YOU KNOW IT." "HE CAN TOSS IT IN THE GARBAGE IF HE DECIDES TO." "YOU HAVE THE -- DANA HAS THIS COVERED." "YOU STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT!" "HEY, JOHN, YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" "ARI, I JUST DID." "YO, E, WHAT THE FUCK?" "I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR AT LEAST TWO HOURS." "SORRY, MY PHONE'S DEAD." "YOU CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH." "VINCE, THESE GIRLS OUT HERE ARE CRAZY." "I'M NEVER TOUCHING ANOTHER ONE AGAIN." "WHY, BECAUSE OF THIS OR BECAUSE NO ONE'LL LET YOU?" "LOOK, GUYS, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU ALL, BUT RIGHT NOW," "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." "WE GOT A REAL PROBLEM WITH THIS TRAVIS GUY," "AND I NEED MY MANAGER-PRODUCER BACK NOW, OKAY?" "OKAY." "DID ARI TELL YOU WHY HE'S NOT GONNA RELEASE THE MONEY?" "HE DIDN'T LIKE THE MOVIE?" "WHAT DIDN'T HE LIKE?" "IS IT ME?" "PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD," "TELL ME IT'S NOT ME HE DIDN'T LIKE." "WHAT KIND OF A SICK, NARCISSISTIC FUCK ARE YOU?" "NOT EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS ABOUT YOU." "SERIOUSLY, DRAMA." "JUST CUT ME OUT, BRO." "JOHNNY, STOP." "NO, I GET IT." "JUST CUT ME." "THE GOOD LIFE WASN'T MEANT FOR ME." "I WAS GIVEN THE GIFT OF DELUSIONAL CONFIDENCE," "BUT NOT ANY REAL TALENT." "WILL YOU SHUT UP AND PUT THAT SHIT DOWN?" "SERIOUSLY." "YOU SHOULD BE DRINKING MY TEQUILA ANYWAY." "REAL MEN DRINK WHISKEY, TURTLE." "VINCE." "I DON'T WANT YOU TO FUCK UP YOUR MOVIE BECAUSE OF ME, BRO." "YOU'RE WORTH MORE TO THE UNIVERSE THAN I AM." "AND I'M FINALLY OKAY WITH THAT." "JOHNNY." "THIS MOVIE IS WHAT IT IS BECAUSEOFYOU." "AND 'CAUSE OF E AND EVEN TURTLE." "BECAUSE WE DO THINGS WE LOVE, NOT THINGS SOME RICH PRICK," "WHOSE DADDY GIVES HIM EVERYTHING, TELLS US TO." "YOU'RE REALLY GOOD IN THIS MOVIE." "TELL HIM, GUYS." "I DIDN'T EVEN THINK YOU COULD ACT UNTIL I SAW THIS." "THANKS." "DON'T WORRY." "WE'LL HANDLE IT." "HEY, AND IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT," "WE CAN ALWAYS MOVE BACK TO QUEENS WITH MA, RIGHT?" "I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO QUEENS, BRO!" "I'LL HANDLE IT." "I LIKE THE WEATHER OUT HERE TOO MUCH." " HELLO?" " Guess what?" "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, TARVOLD FROM "VIKING QUEST."" "AND I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" "HEY, PAL, GUESS WHAT?" "I'M ALREADY DEAD." "SO FUCKIN' BRING IT!" "HEY!" "THERE HE IS." "TRAVIS." "THANKS FOR MAKING THE TIME." "NO, THANK YOU FOR COMIN' TO ME." "HOW ARE YOU?" "YOU'RE SITTIN' IN ON THIS, TOO?" "UH, YEAH." "OKAY." "LOOK, I'M REAL SORRY ABOUT EARLIER, VINCE." "BUT THAT ARI JUST WOULDN'T LET ME BE HEARD." "HE'S PROBABLY JUST BEING PROTECTIVE OF ME." "HE'S LIKE THAT." "WELL, I'M JUST BEING PROTECTIVE OF MY MONEY." "I'M LIKE THAT." "WE UNDERSTAND THAT." "I'M SORRY -- I KNOW WE MET BEFORE," "BUT WHAT IS YOUR INVOLVEMENT IN THIS, AGAIN?" "I'M THE PRODUCER OF THE MOVIE." "A-AND HE'S MY MANAGER." "OH, YEAH!" "Y" " UH, UH, YOU WERE THE GUY ON "PIERS MORGAN," UH..." "SPINNING PIZZA DOUGH, RIGHT?" "VINCE, Y-YOU TAKE CARE OF MORE PEOPLE THAN RED CROSS, HUH?" "I LIKE TO THINK THEY TAKE CARE OF ME." "IT'S PROBABLY BEST TO THINK OF IT THAT WAY, YEAH." "UH, SO LISTEN, I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE." "I KNOW YOU HAVE SOME ISSUES WITH MY BROTHER." "YEAH." "HE'S NOT GOOD." "WELL..." "YEAH, I-I DISAGREE." "IT'S PROBABLY 'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO CLOSE TO IT." "YOU CAN'T SEE IT CLEARLY 'CAUSE HE'S YOUR BROTHER." "AS AN ARTIST, I'M PRETTY UNBIASED." "YEAH, WELL, MAYBE THERE'S A BIGGER ISSUE" "THAT'S MAKING YOU NOT LIKE HIS CHARACTER, TRAVIS." "I MEAN, HE'S PRETTY PIVOTAL IN THE MOVIE," "INCLUDING THE FINAL SCENE." "I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD JUST CUT HIM OUT." "YEAH, I-I THINK THAT BIGGER ISSUE THING MAKES SENSE." "OH." "D-DID YOU HAVE OTHER PROBLEMS WITH THE MOVIE?" "YEAH, I DID." "I GAVE ARI A WHOLE LIST." "MAYBE YOU COULD BE MORE SPECIFIC." "WELL, Y-YOU'RE PUTTIN' ME IN AN AWKWARD POSITION HERE, VINCE," "'CAUSE NOT ONLY ARE YOU THE DIRECTOR," "YOU'RE THE STAR OF THE THING." "I-IT'S OKAY." "I WON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY." "WITH A MOVIE, THERE ARE SO MANY PARTS" "THAT HAVE TO COME TOGETHER, SO TELL ME," "WHAT EXACTLY WAS IT THAT YOU DIDN'T LIKE?" "UH, WELL..." "OKAY." "ASIDE FROM YOUR BROTHER..." "I DIDN'T LIKE YOU." "OH." "UNDERSTAND, THIS IS REALLY STRANGE FOR ME, VINCE," "'CAUSE I REALLY AM A BIG FAN OF YOURS." "I'M PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD" "WHO LIKED THAT "MEDELLIN" THING THAT YOU DID." "BUT, WITH THIS, YOU KNOW," "IT'S LIKE YOU WERE TRYING TO DO THIS KOOKY THING," "LIKE JOHNNY DEPP DID IN -- IN "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN."" "NOW, WHAT HE DID, HE WENT OUT ON A LIMB." "AND IT COULD'VE BEEN STUPID, BUT, GOD, IT " " IT WORKED." "WHAT YOU DID HERE, THOUGH, IT " " IT JUST DIDN'T." "AND MAYBE THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU DIRECTED THE THING" "AND ALL YOU HAD WAS YOUR BUDDY LOOKIN' OVER YOUR SHOULDER." "YOU DON'T HAVE ANYONE WHO CAN COME IN AND SAY," ""HEY, THIS IS GETTIN' KIND OF FUCKED UP AND GOOFY."" "BUT IT MOST CERTAINLY WAS." "YOU SHOULD HAVE PUNCHED HIM RIGHT IN THE FUCKIN' FACE." "OH, BELIEVE ME, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT." "MAYBE WE ARE TOO CLOSE TO IT." "MAYBE I DO SUCK." "PSSSH." "YOU KNOW WHAT, BRO?" "IF YOU DO, AT LEAST WE SUCK TOGETHER." "IT'S GOOD, RIGHT, BABY?" "YES, ARI." "YOU LIKE IT?" "YES." "BUT DO YOU LOVE IT?" "I LOVE IT." "YOU WOULDN'T LIE TO ME, WOULD YOU?" "NO." "ALL RIGHT." "THEN SAY IT AGAIN." "I LOVE IT, ARI." "THEN SAY IT AGAIN, HONEY." "I LOVE IT!" "IT'S THE BEST MOVIE VINCE HAS EVER DONE!" "YEAH." "NOW CAN WE FINISH?" "THE MEDS ARE STILL IN ME, BABY." "I'M NOT SURE I CAN." "THEN GET OFF, 'CAUSE I WAS DONE, LIKE, 20 MINUTES AGO." "I'M SORRY." "IT'S THIS KID." "HE'S KILLIN' ME." "I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN GREAT TO YOU LATELY, BABY," "BUT YOU KNOW THAT I DIDN'T COME BACK TO WORK FOR THE MONEY." "I CAME BACK TO LEAVE A LEGACY." "TO MAKE MY FAMILY PROUD." "AND I WANT TO GO OUT ON MY OWN TERMS," "AND THIS KID IS TRYING TO HOBBLE ME." "LIKE TONYA HARDING." "AND I CAN'T HAVE IT, 'CAUSE HE'S WRONG." "DRAMA SUCKING, I COULD'VE MAYBE BOUGHT THAT." "BUT VINCE?" "NO." "I'M A MILLION PERCENT SURE HE IS WRONG." "IT'S JUST HIS OPINION." "WHAT CAN YOU DO?" "THANKS, HECTOR." "I WON'T BE LONG." "WHAT, ARI, NO SUIT?" "NOT TONIGHT, DV." "WHO TOLD YOU WHERE I WAS STAYIN'?" "MY OFFICE BOOKED YOUR ROOM FOR YOU." "CAN I COME IN?" "NO." "'CAUSE YOU HAVEN'T RETURNED ANY OF MY FUCKIN' CALLS." "ARI, I HAVE PEOPLE HERE." "I DON'T MIND." "OH." "SORRY ABOUT THAT." "DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORK SESSION." "MAYBE I SHOULD CALL SECURITY" "AND HAVE YOUR ASS DRAGGED OUT OF HERE." "HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT?" "HEY, I AM SORRY ABOUT THAT," "BUT WE DO HAVE WHAT ARE KNOWN AS PROTOCOLS." "EVEN IN THIS LAWLESS TOWN." "MY FATHER WANTS TO SHOOT YOU." "WELL, WE COULD HAVE A MEXICAN STANDOFF, THEN." "BECAUSE AFTER LOOKING AT YOUR LONG LIST" "OF PROPOSED CHANGES TO MY MOVIE, I WANT TO SHOOT MYSELF," "BECAUSE THEY DON'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE." "I AGREE." "WITH WHAT?" "I'M GRASPIN' AT STRAWS HERE, ARI." "I-I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX MY PROBLEMS." "VINCENT CHASE IS GREAT IN THIS MOVIE." "BULLSHIT." "HE SUCKS." "HIS TOO-PRETTY FACE RUINS THE FUCKIN' THING." "IT'S DISTRACTING." "HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA FIX HIS FACE WITH EDITING?" "I GUESS I'M NOT." "WHICH IS WHY I TOLD MY FATHER WE SHOULD JUST BITE THE BULLET," "PUT SOME MORE MONEY INTO THIS THING," "AND RESHOOT IT WITH NEW ACTORS AND A DIFFERENT DIRECTOR." "RESHOOT?" "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT'LL COST?" "THAT'S YOUR JOB TO FIGURE OUT." "BUT I'LL BET THAT THERE'S A CHEAP WAY TO DO IT DIGITALLY." "HELL, I SAW TUPAC SHAKUR IN CONCERT LAST YEAR." "THAT GUY'S BEEN DEAD 20 YEARS." "YOU HAD NO PROBLEM WITH VINCE AT THE PARTY." "A FAN, EVEN." "DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT." "WHAT HAPPENED?" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT, ARI," "BUT IF YOU DON'T LEAVE RIGHT NOW," "I REALLY WILL CALL SECURITY." "COME ON, THIS GUY'S REALLY GONNA SCREW UP A $100 MILLION MOVIE" "'CAUSE OF A PERSONAL PROBLEM?" "THAT'S WHAT ARI SAYS." "HE SAYS HE WANTS TO REPLACE ME WITH A HOLOGRAM." "CAN THEY EVEN DO THAT?" "I WAS REPLACED WITH A DIGITAL CHARACTER ONCE." "BUT THAT WAS BEFORE FILMING BEGAN." "I MEAN, WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE DONE TO THIS GUY?" "DID YOU SHAKE HANDS WHEN YOU MET HIM?" "THESE SOUTHERNERS ARE REAL PARTICULAR ABOUT THEIR MANNERS." "I THINK SO." "OH, BOY." "ARMIE HAMMER, TWELVE O'CLOCK." "OH, GOOD GOD." "YO, VINNIE CHASE." "THE DEEJAY FROM HELL." "WHAT'S UP, ARMIE?" "WHAT'S UP?" "YOU KNOW THAT I WAS DATING EMILY, RIGHT?" "EMILY?" "I THOUGHT YOU GUYS BROKE UP." "I DON'T SEE HOW THAT FUCKIN' MATTERS." "NO, THIS ISN'T THE TIME OR THE PLACE, BUT..." "JUST KNOW THAT I WILL ENJOY SNEAKING UP BEHIND YOU" "AND SNATCHIN' THE FUCKIN' LIFE OUT OF YOU." "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT, RIGHT, DRAMA?" "YOU GUYS ENJOY YOUR SALADS." "WELL, THAT WAS AWKWARD." "HE'S A LOT BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT." "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL HIM IT WASN'T TRUE?" "BECAUSE IT IS TRUE." "REALLY?" "SINCE WHEN?" "SINCE AFTER THE SCREENING." "I WENT OVER THERE LATER" "AFTER SHE WAS DONE WATCHING THE MOVIE WITH TRAVIS." "WHAT?" "A GIRL?" "THIS WHOLE THING IS OVER A FUCKIN' GIRL?" "YOU GUYS ARE BEING CRAZY." "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE WITH EMILY" "AND YOU DIDN'T TELL US." "WHY WOULD I TELL YOU?" "'CAUSE MOST OF THE FUN OF BEING WITH A GIRL THAT HOT" "IS THAT YOU GET TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT IT." "TURTLE, I THINK WE DEFINE "FUN" DIFFERENTLY." "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS." "BELIEVE WHAT?" "THERE'S NO WAY TRAVIS COULD POSSIBLY" "KNOW ABOUT THIS YESTERDAY -- NO WAY." "WHY NOT?" "HE PROBABLY WAITED OUTSIDE OF HER HOUSE" "AFTER SHE GOT RID OF HIM." "WE'RE THE ONLY ONES DUMB ENOUGH" "TO NOT REALIZE YOU'D GO OVER THERE." "COME ON." "THAT'S RIDICULOUS." "YOU DON'T THINK HE DRIVES A YELLOW LAMBORGHINI?" "I KNOW HE DOES." "HE HAD IT ON THE LOT." "WHY?" "JESUS FUCK." "YOU COULDN'T JUST HOLD OFF ONE NIGHT?" "WE'RE A YEAR INTO THIS THING." "SERIOUSLY, VIN." "AND THIS MOVIE'S GONNA SET UP OUR NEXT 20 YEARS." "YEAH, AND GIVE ME A LIFE." "I HOPE SHE WAS WORTH IT." "GUYS, ARE YOU REALLY TELLIN' ME" "YOU THINK I SHOULD'VE STAYED AWAY FROM HER BECAUSE OF HIM?" "I MEAN, IS THAT WHO WE ARE?" "I WOULD'VE BANGED HER." "YEAH, ME, TOO." "WIFE MIGHT EVEN GIVE ME A PASS FOR HER." "AH, FUCK HIM." "NO, SERIOUSLY." "FUCK HIM." "ALL RIGHT, WE DON'T NEED HIM." "I'LLPUTUP  THE $8 MILLION WE NEED." "HOW MUCH FUCKIN' MONEY DID THIS GUY MAKE?" "VIN, I'M SERIOUS, AND IT'S NOT JUST 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU." "IT'S 'CAUSE I LOVE THIS MOVIE." "I APPRECIATE IT, TURTLE," "BUT I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT -- I'LLPUTUP THEMONEY." "I'LL SPLIT IT WITH YOU." "THANK YOU." "I'M STRAPPED, BRO." "ALL THE LOVE IN THIS ROOM IS REALLY FUCKIN' TOUCHING," "BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT -- IT'S McCREDLE'S MOVIE." "HE DOESN'T NEED OR WANT YOUR MONEY." "SO THAT'S IT?" "NO." "I WILL HANDLE THIS, AS USUAL." "HOW?" "DON'T WORRY, CARROT BOTTOM." "I GOT IDEAS." "LATER!" "LATER." "LATER." "LATER." "I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S NOTHIN' WE CAN DO." "I GOT AN AUDITION AT 3:00." "WHO WANTS TO RUN LINES WITH ME?" "NAH." "NO WAY." "NOT A CHANCE." "AH, RONDA FINALLY ANSWERED MY TEXT." "REALLY?" "WHAT'D SHE SAY?" "SHE SAID, "IF YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE," "DO IT IN PERSON, LIKE A MAN."" "YOU GUYS WANT TO COME WITH?" "SURE." "SURE." "YOUARETHEMASTER OFYOURUNIVERSE, OM." "IFYOUCONTROL YOUROWNPHYSICALUNIVERSE." "I WILL SOLVE THIS PROBLEM." "CALMNESSANDCONTROLOFBREATH AREKEYSTO SUCCESS." "OM." "I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT." "PUTFEARTO THESIDE, FORFEARWILLCONQUERYOU." "OM." "I WILL LET NO MAN SEE THE DARKNESS INSIDE OF ME." "OM." "I WILL LEARN HOW TO STOP THIS FUCKING PHONE" "FROM OVERTAKING MY FUCKING CALMING CD!" "WHAT?" "!" "ABOUT THE WEDDING, ARI." "Lloyd, I've got bigger problems" "THAN WHO'S GONNA GIVE YOU AWAY AT YOUR BIG FAT GAY WEDDING." "CALL YOUR BOYS AT GRINDR." "I'M SURE THERE'S AN APP FOR THAT." "LISTEN, ARI, I JUST GOT FINISHED TALKING" "TO A CLASSROOM OF 8th GRADERS about the future of the agenting business." "AND AS I LOOKED AT THEIR LITTLE FACES, IT HIT ME " "MY FATHER IS NOT COMING TO MY WEDDING." "THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM, LLOYD." "DO YOU KNOW WHY HE'S NOT COMING?" "I don't care." "IT'S BECAUSE HE HASN'T SPOKEN TO ME SINCE I CAME OUT." "HE DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE THAT?" "WHO IS HE, THE GUY FROM "THE CRYING GAME"?" "YOU'RE THE CLOSEST THING I HAVE TO A FATHER NOW, ARI." "LLOYD!" "I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS." "NOT WHILE I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO SAVE THIS MOVIE," "WHICH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT INVESTMENT I HAVE EVER MADE." "You invest in people, Ari, not product." "THAT'S WHY I HAVE SUCCEEDED, AND THAT'S WHY YOU WILL." "Oh, and, Ari?" "WHAT?" "I LOVE YOU." "FUCK!" "FUCK!" "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" "FUCK!" "STILL TIME TO LEAVE." "I DON'T THINK SHE SAW YOU YET." "OOPS!" "TOO LATE." "HEY, RONDA." "HEY, TURTLE." "WHAT, DO YOU BRING YOUR BACKUP DANCERS WITH YOU EVERYWHERE?" "SORRY, VINCE." "WELL, YOU SAID IF I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE..." "WHAT IS THERE, REALLY, TO APOLOGIZE ABOUT?" "YEAH, I DIDN'T WANT YA TO HAVE THE WRONG IDEA." "AND WHAT WAS THE RIGHT IDEA?" "I WANTED..." "YEAH, I WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT." "SO, THEN, WHY THIS TALK ABOUT US DOING BUSINESS?" "JU" " BECAUSE THIS GUY GOT IN MY HEAD, ALL RIGHT," "TELLIN' ME THAT THERE'S NO WAY YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN ME, AND " "NOT VERY MANLY TO LET ANOTHER GUY" "INFLUENCE WHAT YOU DO WITH A LADY, BRO." "'SPECIALLY THIS GUY." "LISTEN, RONDA." "TURTLE'S SHY, AND HE REALLY LIKES YOU." "PROMISE, HE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT BUSINESS." "EVERYONE IN THIS TOWN HAS AN ANGLE." "I DON'T." "I REALLY, REALLY DON'T." "SO LET ME PROVE IT TO YOU." "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?" "YOU WANT TO TAKE ME IN THE RING?" "I'LL LET YOU BEAT ME UP FOR A ROUND." "LET ME?" "YOU KNOW, HE DOES BOX AND DO SOME CARDIO." "I MEANT, LIKE, I WON'T FIGHT BACK." "YOU COULDN'T LAST 30 SECONDS WITH ME" "IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT." "OOH." "OOH." "I COULD REALLY HURT YOU, TURTLE." "SO I LAST THIRTY SECONDS," "YOU LET ME TAKE YOU OUT ON A PROPER DATE." "LAST SIXTY SECONDS, AND I'LL LET YOU FUCK ME." "HOW MUCH TIME?" "!" "THREE SECONDS!" "WHAT DO I DO?" "WHAT DO I DO?" "SOMETHING!" "ANYTHING!" "PRAY!" "SHE'S GOT THE ARMBAR!" "THAT'S NOT GOOD!" "TAP OUT, TURTLE!" "TIME?" "FIFTEEN SECONDS!" "TURTLE!" "TAP OUT!" "TAP OR I'LL BREAK IT." "HOW MUCH TIME?" "TEN SECONDS!" "DO YOU THINK I'M BLUFFING?" "TAP OUT!" "YOU WON'T DO IT!" "IT ISN'T WORTH IT, TURTLE." "DON'T TAP OUT!" "RONDA, I DON'T QUIT." "I JUST WANTED TO TAKE YOU TO DINNER!" "FINE!" "OH!" "UGH." "LARSEN McCREDLE'S OFFICE." "IT'S ARI GOLD AGAIN." "MR. GOLD, I HAVE TOLD YOU 20 TIMES ALREADY," "MR. McCREDLE IS UNAVAILABLE TO SPEAK WITH YOU." "AND I TOLD YOU 20 TIMES I NEED TO SPEAK WITH HIM." "WHERE'S DANA?" "MEETING." "TRY HIM AGAIN AND TELL HIM" "IT'S AN EMERGENCY REGARDING HIS SON." "IS EVERYTHING OKAY WITH TRAVIS?" "Have you seen the movie "Taken"?" "YES." "THINK OF ME AS THE LIAM NEESON CHARACTER" "AND MR. McCREDLE IS MY TARGET IF I DON'T HEAR BACK FROM HIM." "HAVE YOU HEARD BACK FROM DANA?" "SHE'S STILL IN THAT MEETING." "WHAT MEETING?" "LAURA DIDN'T KNOW." "HAVE YOU TRIED JOHN ELLIS AGAIN?" "YES." "APPARENTLY, HE'S IN THE SAME MEETING." "THINK THE TEXAS MONEY GUY'S IN TOWN." "AND YOU DON'T THINK" "THIS IS INFORMATION THAT I COULD'VE USED?" "WHERE IS THIS MEETING?" "I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY." "I CAN CALL DANA." "WHERE'S THE FUCKING MEETING?" "JOHN'S HOUSE IN SANTA BARBARA." "SHOULD I TELL THEM YOU'RE COMING?" "NOPE!" "TELL THEM TO BUILD A BIG FUCKIN' BOMB SHELTER." "NO, I DIDN'T STUDY THESE DANCE MOVES." "I WAS BORN WITH THEM." "NO, I DIDN'T " " I DIDN'T STUDY THESE DANCE MOVES." "AHHH." "EURIPIDES." "EURIPIDES." "UH..." "AESCHYLUS, AES-- ...CAN YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF, PLEASE?" "UH, IT'S MY PROCESS, ASSHOLE." "EURIPIDES." "AESCHYLUS." "DOUCHEBAG." "LEMONA, LUMINA, LINO-- LEMONA, LUMINUM, LINOLEUM." "YEAH, HEY, MOM." "NO, I'M JUST ON THIS LAME AUDITION" "WITH A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS." "YEP." "JOHNNY CHASE?" "YEAH." "YOU'RE NEXT." "OH." "DON'T FUCK THIS UP, DRAMA." "FUCK YOU." "WE KNOW YOU WILL." "JIMMY CHASE IS NEXT." "HEY." "HEY, RICHARD." "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE DOIN' THIS." "YEAH." "THAT'S GREAT." "NOW I'M EXCITED." "AH, THANKS." "WELL, UH, THANKS FOR COMIN' IN, JIMMY." ""JIMMY"?" "NO?" "OH." "NO." "JOHNNY." "THAT'S MY FAULT." "I'M SO SORRY." "IT'S "JOHNNY."" "SORRY, JOHNNY." "I TOLD HIM "JIMMY," I'M " "THERE WAS A JIMMY IN HERE EARLIER." "I THINK THAT'S WHAT IT WAS." "He's Vinnie Chase's brother." "I know." "No." "Yeah." "YOU'RE VINNIE CHASE'S BROTHER?" "YEAH." "WOW." "YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE HIM." "NOT EVEN A LITTLE." "YOU KNOW, WE'VE MET BEFORE." "WE HAVE?" "YEAH. "WEST WING."" "OH." "DID YOU DO AN EPISODE?" "NO, I GOT CAST IN THE PILOT." "AND THEN REPLACED AFTER THE TABLE READ." "HUH." "WELL, YOU MISSED A PRETTY GOOD RUN." "UH-HUH." "ANY NOTES BEFORE I GET STARTED?" "NOPE." "NO NOTES, JOHNNY." "SO WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, JOHNNY," "SARAH'S GONNA READ WITH YOU." "OKAY." "DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL FOR DANCE?" "OH, MY GOD." "WHAT?" "I'M SORRY." "NOTHING." "JUST KEEP -- KEEP GOING." "WHAT?" "DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL FOR DANCE?" "NO, I DIDN'T STUDY THESE DANCE MOVES." "I WAS BORN WITH THEM." "OH, MY GOD!" "WHAT?" "SORRY, JOHNNY, HONESTLY, WE'RE GETTING ALL THIS ON TAPE," "AND IT'S GREAT, SO JUST KEEP READING WITH SARAH." "SARAH, JUST KEEP " " YEAH." "SARAH, KEEP GOIN'." "WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS FLEXIBLE?" "WELL, I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I AM PRETTY LIMBER." "JESUS CHRIST!" "ARE YOU GUYS JOKING?" "I'M TRYIN' TO ACT HERE." "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT THAT'S SO IMPORTANT?" "WE'RE LOOKIN' AT YOU, JOHNNY." "WE'RE LOOKING AT YOU." "AREYOUFAMILIARWITH THEPENALCODEINTHIS COUNTY?" "HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS " "OH,YEAH." "I WON'T EVER FORGET YOU AGAIN." "RAW EMOTION WITH JOHNNY CHASE." "OH, YEAH." "OHHH." "WE GOT A SEX TAPE FROM A HUGE STAR..." "'S BROTHER." "OH, YOU LIKE THAT?" "HE WAS HAVING A VIDEO CHAT WITH THIS GIRL," "IT TURNED INTO SEX," "HER BOYFRIEND POSTED IT UP TO REVENGE GIRLFRIENDS." "AND,CUTTO THECHASE!" "OH, MY FUCKING GOD." "OH, GOOD MERCIFUL GOD." "OH,YEAH,BABE." "OH, MY GOD." "OH,YEAH!" "OH, GOD." "THAT'SWHAT I'MTALKIN'ABOUT!" "OH, MY GOD." "I KNOW THIS FUCKING KID." "OH, MY GOD." "EWW." "OH, MY GOD." "OH, MY GOD!" "OVER HERE, JOHNNY!" "WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOKIN' AT?" "HOW 'BOUT I SHOVE THAT CAMERA UP YOUR ASS, HUH?" "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?" "THERE!" "RIGHT THERE!" "STOP FUCKIN' LOOKIN' AT ME." "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?" "YOU GOT A PROBLEM?" "STOP LOOKIN' AT ME." "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST IGNORED ME YESTERDAY." "I WASN'T IGNORING YOU." "HE WASN'T IGNORING YOU." "SO " " OH, REALLY?" "WE'RE ALL GONNA DO THIS?" "OKAY." "HE DIDN'T RESPOND." "HE HAD SOME CRAZY THINGS HAPPEN YESTERDAY." "WELL, HE DIDN'T CALL ME TODAY." "YOU PROBABLY SHOULD'VE CALLED TODAY, E." "WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY." "HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY." "FOR SIX MONTHS, HE BEGS ME TO TAKE HIM BACK." "NOW I SAY I'M WILLING TO TRY," "AND HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY?" "SHE'S GOT A LOT OF ANGER TOWARDS ME." "YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SAVE THIS FOR LATER." "I SAID I'LL KEEP TRYING TO GET OVER IT." "HE'S RIGHT." "MAYBE WE SHOULD SAVE IT TILL LATER." "NO, I THINK WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS NOW." "MAYBE I SHOULDN'T BE HERE." "WHY NOT?" "YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR EVERYTHING ELSE BUT THE CONCEPTION." "GOOD POINT." "E, SAY SOMETHIN'." "STOP." "LOOK, SLOAN, I LOVE YOU, OKAY?" "YOU KNOW THAT." "AND THERE'S NOBODY ELSE I'D RATHER BE WITH." "BUT THERE'S NO MORE TRYING." "YOU'RE EITHER OVER THE PAST OR YOU'RE NOT." "YO!" "GUESS WHO'S GOT THE STRONGEST" "BONES IN THE ASSANTE FAMILY?" "NO BREAK?" "NOPE." "TORN LABRUM." "BUT DINNER WITH RONDA IS ON." "SO, SLOAN, ANY WAY WE CAN GET THIS LABOR PROCESS CRANKIN'?" "REALLY?" "OH, SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'?" "LET'S GO!" "TURTLE, MOVE IT." "LET'S GO!" "YOU GUYS WERE STOPPED." "ARI, ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?" "YOU CAN'T LAND THERE!" "AH, BUT, JOHN, I JUST DID." "HELLO." "MUST NOT HAVE GOTTEN MY INVITE." "WOW." "I KNOW ALL OF YOU." "MR. TISCH, WE SHARED A SUITE AT THE SUPER BOWL." "MUST NOT BE THE DIFFERENCE MAKER THAT YOU CLAIMED." "MELDMAN, ALL THOSE NIGHTS IN CABO..." "MEANINGLESS." "LARSEN, YOU MUST NOT HAVE GOTTEN ALL MY MESSAGES." "AND YOU MUST BE A LOT TOUGHER THAN YOU LOOK." "OKAY, THIS ROOM IS GONNA BE EVEN MORE HOSTILE THAN I THOUGHT." "WHICH IS INTERESTING, BECAUSE I HEARD THE PURPOSE" "OF THIS MEETING WAS TO FIRE ME." "WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?" "I HEARD IT UP HERE, JOHN." "NOT FROM YOU, WHO I'VE KNOWN FOR 20 YEARS." "NOT FROM YOU, DANA, WHO I USED TO " "ANYWAY, YOU WANT TO FIRE ME BECAUSE MR. McCREDLE'S SON" "DOESN'T LIKE THE MOVIE THAT I MADE." "WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW THE WHOLE STORY." "OH, REALLY, GOLD?" "WELL, I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THE FUCKIN' FAIRY TALE YOU SPIN." "ME, TOO." "SHUT UP, TRAVIS." "TRAVIS DOESN'T REALLY HATE THE MOVIE." "HE HATES VINCE." "DAD, HE'S SO FULL OF SHIT." "WHAT'D I SAY?" "WHY DO -- DO YOU WANT A BOOT UP YOUR ASS?" "NO." "NOW, I HAVE A SON, SO THIS IS HARD." "WELL, SPEAK, GOD DAMN IT." "THIS WHOLE THING IS OVER A GIRL." "WHAT GIRL?" "DAD!" "THE SHOW " " I -- SHUT UP!" "WHAT FUCKING GIRL, GOLD?" "EMILY RATAJKOWSKI." "OHHH, I LIKE HER." "I DO, TOO." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT." "OH, COME ON, TRAVIS." "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME" "THAT YOU DIDN'T SIT OUTSIDE HER HOUSE," "AFTER SHE TOLD YOU GOOD NIGHT," "JUST WAITING TO SEE IF VINCE SHOWED UP?" "HE FUCKIN' SNUCK IN THERE AFTER ME." "I PUT IN A WHOLE NIGHT W" "WOW." "I WASN'T EVEN 100% SURE I WAS RIGHT." "YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS, TRAVIS." "THAT'S WHAT MOVIE STARS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO " "WALK INTO ROOMS AND FUCK GIRLS THAT CIVILIANS WANT." "THAT'S WHY THEY'RE MOVIE STARS." "YOU CAUSIN' TROUBLE OVER PUSSY AGAIN?" "DAD, THIS IS OUR MONEY." "WE FINANCED THIS FILM." "AND I DON'T THINK THAT THAT PRETTY BOY OUT THERE" "SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SHIT ON ME." "WAIT OUTSIDE." "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" "YES, GOD DAMN IT." "WAIT OUTSIDE." "I'M REAL SORRY ABOUT THAT." "UM, I HAVE A COPY OF THE MOVIE." "VINNIE CHASE'S UNFINISHED CUT." "I THINK IF YOU TAKE A LOOK AT IT," "YOU'RE GONNA SEE THAT YOUR MONEY IS IN SECURE HANDS." "I SAW IT LAST NIGHT, LARSEN." "REALLY?" "WHAT'D YOU THINK?" "IT'S AMAZING." "I TOLD YOU." "WELL, I DON'T NEED TO SEE THE DAMN MOVIE." "YOU PEOPLE DO WHAT YOU DO," "BUT, UH, IF ANYBODY WANTS TO SEE MORE OF MY MONEY," "HE STILL HAS TO GO." "LARSEN, YOU HEARD WHAT HAPPENED." "WHAT I HEARD IS THIS MAN TREATED MY SON" "LIKE A HORSE'S ASS, WHICH HE IS." "BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY THE POINT." "YOU SAID YOU HAVE A SON, GOLD?" "I DO." "HE'S 12." "WELL, I HOPE WHEN HE GROWS UP," "HE'S NOT A COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKIN' BUFFOON LIKE MINE." "BUT JUST IN CASE HE IS," "I HOPE THE PEOPLE THAT RESPECT YOU" "AT LEAST PRETEND TO RESPECT HIM." "I CAN'T BELIEVE A WEBSITE" "WOULD ACTUALLY POST SOMETHING LIKE THAT." "THEY POSTED IT AS "SEE VINCENT CHASE'S BROTHER" "SPANK IT AT VINCENT CHASE'S POOL."" "THAT WAS MY POOL?" "MINE." "OH, WELL." "I GUESS A SEX TAPE WORKED FOR PARIS AND KIM." "MAYBE IT'LL DO GOOD FOR JOHNNY." "AH, NAH, VIN." "A GIRL PLAYIN' WITH HERSELF IS ONE THING." "DRAMA DOING IT, IT'S A WHOLE HORRIFYING OTHER." "ABSOLUTELY THE MOST VILE, DISGUSTING THING" "I HAVE EVER FUCKIN' SEEN." "OKAY, SHAUNA." "HAVE YOU HEARD FROM HIM?" "NO " " NO, WHY?" "IS HE MISSING?" "CALLED HIM LIKE TEN TIMES." "HE WON'T PICK UP." "TRY HIM AGAIN, PLEASE?" "I CAN GET HIS FACE ON A MILK CARTON." "YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN." "DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN." "I'M HERE BECAUSE I CAN'T CALM DOWN," "AND I NEED TO SEE THE DOCTOR," "WHO CAN HOPEFULLY CALM ME DOWN." "MR. CHASE, HE IS IN WITH SOMEONE." "OH, IS HE IN WITH SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN COMIN' HERE FOR 15 YEARS?" "SOMEBODY WHO HAD TO SCRAPE UP LOOSE CHANGE" "WHEN INSURANCE WOULDN'T PAY HIS BILL?" "IS HE IN WITH SOMEONE WHOSE LIFE IS IN COMPLETE SHAMBLES?" "ARE YOU SUICIDAL?" "OH, MY GOD." "I DON'T KNOW." "WELL, IF YOU AREN'T -- I AM!" "OKAY, LET -- LET ME CALL 911" "AND HAVE AN AMBULANCE COME." "NO, NO, NO." "DON'T DO THAT." "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?" "WHAT?" "WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN?" "NOTHING." "OH, JESUS CHRIST." "I'M A DEAD MAN!" "I NEED THE DOCTOR." "DOC FELDMAN." "IT'S JOHNNY CHASE." "I'VE BEEN A PATIENT OF YOURS" "SINCE YOU WERE WORKIN' THAT FUCKIN' STRIP MALL IN SHERMAN OAKS." "I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW, GOD DAMN IT," "SO GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE." "I'M DYIN'." "PUT THE PHONE DOWN." "SORRY." "MOTHERFUCK." "WHAT, TURTLE?" "WHAT?" "WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CALLING?" "I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW." "WHAT?" "REALLY?" "JOHNNY, WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON?" "NOTHIN', DOC." "ALL GOOD." "I'M HAVIN' A BABY." "CONGRATULATIONS." "YOU HAVE A BRAND-NEW BABY GIRL." "AH." "THANK YOU." "SHE'S AMAZING." "SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU." "RYAN MURPHY, 6 POUNDS 4 OUNCES, BORN 19 MINUTES AGO." "YES!" "YOU'RE A DADDY!" "GET OVER HERE." "OH." "CONGRATS." "AH, CONGRATULATIONS!" "THANK YOU." "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "WELL -- HOW'S SLOAN?" "SHE'S OVER IT." "YEAH?" "YEAH." "DO WE HAVE OURSELVES A BABY?" "BECAUSE IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS," "WHAT THE FUCK ELSE MATTERS?" "WE GOT A BABY GIRL!" "YOU'RE KIDDING." "NAME?" "RYAN." "RYAN MURPHY?" "YEAH, YOU LIKE IT?" "WELL, I READ FOR THE TEACHER ON "GLEE"" "SIX TIMES AND DIDN'T GET IT." "BUT, YEAH, I LIKE IT!" "PIERS MORGAN?" "WHAT THE FUCK IS PIERS MORGAN CALLING YOU FOR?" "HELLO?" "HEY, VINCE." "IT'S PIERS MORGAN HERE." "Hey, Piers." "LISTEN, IF THIS IS ABOUT EMILY, I HAVE NO COMMENT." "NO, VINCE." "I'VE GOT NO INTEREST IN YOUR SEX LIFE." "I'M CALLING TO SEE IF YOU'VE GOT ANY COMMENT" "TO MAKE ABOUT ARI GOLD?" "As far as what?" "WELL, AS FAR AS THE BIG, BREAKING NEWS." "He just resigned from the studio." "I GOT TO CALL YOU BACK." "WHAT'S WITH THE STUNNED FACE?" "PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THE BABY LOOKS LIKE E." "YEAH, I "RESIGNED."" "THAT'S JUST HOW I SPUN IT TO SAVE MYSELF THE HUMILIATION." "TRUTH IS, THEY FIRED ME." "ARI, I FEEL AWFUL." "THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF ME." "NAH, IT'S BECAUSE OF ME." "I GOT A BIG EGO." "BUT THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT." "IT'S 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS RIGHT!" "MUST HAVE A BIG BUYOUT, THOUGH, NO?" "WHAT, AM I ON CNBC, TURTLE?" "BUT, YEAH, IT WOULD'VE BEEN BIG, EVEN BY YOUR STANDARDS." ""WOULD'VE BEEN"?" "$30 MILLION." "I TOLD THEM TO LICK MY BALLS." "I DON'T TAKE CHARITY." "WHAT, SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA LET THEM KEEP $30 MILLION?" "NO." "COME ON." "I TOLD THEM I WANT AN EQUITY STAKE IN THE MOVIE FOR IT." "ARI, ARE YOU SERIOUS?" "YOU COULD LOSE ALL YOUR MONEY." "YOU'RE MY MENTOS MAN, VINNIE." "15 YEARS WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER." "YOU THINK I'M GONNA ABANDON SHIP NOW?" "NOT EVEN IF THE WATER'S FREEZING AND THE ORCHESTRA'S PLAYING." "OH, GREAT." "A "TITANIC" REFERENCE." "COME ON, ARI." ""HYDE'S" GONNA BE A MONSTER." "YOU JUST SAID YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT." "UNTIL I'M WRONG." "I'M KIDDIN', DRAMA." "LIGHTEN UP." "WARREN BUFFETT'S GONNA BE" "BLOWIN' US FOR INVESTMENT ADVICE SOON, YOU'LL SEE." "I'M PROUD OF YOU, VINNIE." "I'M REAL PROUD." "PROUD OF ALL OF YOU." "THANKS, ARI." "CONGRATS AGAIN ON THE BABY." "THANKS AGAIN." "LATER." "LATER." "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," "WELCOME TO THE 72nd ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS." "WE'RE ON THE RED CARPET LIVE." "THIS IS WHERE YOU WANT TO BE," "AND, MARIA, ALREADY PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO ASK THE QUESTION," ""WHO WILL THE BIG WINNERS BE?"" "MM-HMM." "IF YOU'VE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION," "YOU PROBABLY GET THE IDEA THAT VINCENT CHASE AND "HYDE"" "ARE GONNA HAVE A HUGE NIGHT." "THAT'S RIGHT, MATT." ""HYDE" HAS BEEN A BOX OFFICE MONSTER" "WITH $450 MILLION WORLDWIDE AND COUNTING," "FIVE NOMINATIONS, INCLUDING BEST PICTURE AND TWO ACTING NODS." "AND THAT SURPRISE OF THE YEAR." "YOU HAVE A BEST-SUPPORTING-ACTOR NOMINATION FOR JOHNNY CHASE," "AND HE'S ONLY IN FOUR SCENES IN THE MOVIE." "WHAT'D I TELL YOU, TURTLE?" "YOU VISUALIZE SUCCESS, YOU GET IT." "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE BEEN VISUALIZING IT FOR 20 YEARS." "NO." "I'VE BEEN VERBALIZING IT." "THERE'S A DIFFERENCE." "DO YOU THINK HE'S GONNA BE MORE DIFFICULT TO HANDLE IF HE WINS?" "OH, YEAH." "DEFINITELY." "VINCENT CHASE!" "HEY, TERRENCE." "CONGRATS ON EVERYTHING." "SO, HOW DOES IT FEEL?" "YEAH, I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK FOR BABY BRO," "BUT IT FEELS SICK, TERRENCE." "YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT." "CONGRATULATIONS." "YOU'RE GETTING A LOT OF CREDIT FOR THE WORK YOU DID" "BEHIND THE SCENES ON THIS MOVIE." "WELL, I'M A LITTLE MORE CREATIVE THAN PEOPLE GIVE ME CREDIT FOR." "I'VE HEARD YOU HAVE OTHER OFFERS." "CAN YOU TELL US, PERHAPS, ARE YOU GONNA" "RUN ANOTHER STUDIO OR SOMETHING?" "WELL, MARIA, I MAY RUN A COUNTRY." "THERE ARE A FEW THAT COULD USE MY HELP." "JOHNNY!" "LOOK OVER HERE!" "JOHNNY!" " MR. CHASE!" " VINCE!" "AND THE AWARD FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR" "IN A MOTION PICTURE GOES TO..." "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE." "SORRY, I HAVE" " HAVEN'T SEEN " "I HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET." "I " " I IMAGINE HE'S FANTASTIC." "GIVE IT UP!" "JOHNNY CHASE, "HYDE"!" "YOU WON!" "GET UP!" "YOU WON!" "GET UP THERE!" "GO!" "GO!" "YOU CAN FUCK IT LATER." "YOU SPEAK." "VICTORY!" "YEAH!" "YOU'RE DOING FINE, LLOYD." "THANK YOU, ARI." "AND YOU?" "I MAY THROW UP." "JUST BREATHE." "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," "TODAY WE GATHER TO CELEBRATE" "ONE OF LIFE'S GREATEST MOMENTS." "THE COMMITMENT THAT THESE TWO MEN ARE ABOUT TO MAKE" "IS THE MOST IMPORTANT COMMITMENT ANYONE CAN MAKE." "IF YOU'RE NOT REALLY GAY, LLOYD," "NOW WOULD PROBABLY BE THE TIME TO SAY SO." "AND IF YOU ARE, ARI, THIS IS PROBABLY YOUR TIME." "DON'T KID YOURSELF, SULU." "MAZEL TOV!" "CONGRATULATIONS, GREG AND LLOYD!" "WHO'S THE GIRL?" "UH, THIS IS ALYSSA MILLER." "HI." "YEE-HAW!" "I DON'T UNDERSTAND." "LLOYD WANTED A JEWISH WEDDING?" "NAH." "MY HOUSE, MY GOD." "HM." "L'CHAIM." "L'CHAIM, BITCHES!" "VINNIE!" "GET IN HERE." "COME ON, WE NEED A GROUP SHOT." "COME HERE." "I JUST DON'T LIKE IT." "WELL, MAYBE YOU JUST DON'T FUCKIN' GET IT," "YOU BEAN-COUNTING LITTLE SUIT." "ASK VINCE." "SEE WHAT HE THINKS." "WHAT'S THAT?" "I GOT AN IDEA." "OH, YEAH?" "WHAT IS IT?" "IT'S ABOUT VINNIE." "AND THE BOYS." "AND HOW THEY STARTED FROM NOTHING," "TURNED IT INTO ALL OF THIS." "YEAH." "DUMBEST IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD." "YEAH, I AGREE." "OH, I DON'T KNOW." "IS IT?" "MAYBE IT'S A TV SHOW." "YEAH." "MAYBE I COULD DIRECT." "MAYBE TURTLE, SLOAN, RONDA, OR THE FUCKIN' BABY CAN." "ARI." "OKAY, EVERYBODY GET TOGETHER" "AND SMILE."