"And then came the Third Day of Christmas... and still no one had made a present for Santa." "Whom shall I ask to help me, boys and girls?" "I know." "Ask the reindeer on your left hand." "I'd love to help... but I have my hooves full as it is." "I get it." "His hooves are full." "He don't have no hands, I get it." "Hey, G, I did not see that coming." "This is dope, right, Ash?" "Ashley!" "l'm awake." "I don't know why I bother." "It's impossible to compete with tawdry entertainment... like MTV, Nintendo... the new children on the block." "Thanks a lot, Ash." "Now I'll never know how the story ends." "I really wanted to know what Santa got for Christmas." "He doesn't get an actual gift, Will." "He gets the love of all the little children in the world." "Really?" "What a gyp." "Come on, Will." "Everyone knows there's no Santa Claus." "Wait a minute, there is no Milli Vanilli... but there definitely is a Santa Claus." "Okay, Ash, let's write our letters to Santa Claus." "Here, you can help me with my list." "How do you spell "Vanessa Williams"?" "Don't you have anything better to do with Christmas vacation... than writing a silly letter?" "What are you gonna do with your vacation?" "Play with your friends?" "I wish I had someone to play with... but every year my friends all go out of town... and I'm stuck here all alone." "You can still have fun while you're here." "I'm going to. I've decided to learn a new word every day." "Ashley, that's boring." "Really?" "I think it's very autodidactic." "Christmas vacation is finally here." "God help me, I do love it so." "I thought you liked school, Carlton." "Ash, I think Bel-Air Academy is one of the best schools in the country." "Its academics and sports program are excellent, and the faculty is first-rate... but around December 10, it starts to get a little old." "Know what I mean?" "Carlton, we got a problem." "Your sister, 10 years old... and doesn't know the meaning of Christmas." "I know the meaning of "undulate."" "I don't know where this Christmas thing's going, but I've got bigger fish to fry." "I've got to raise $600 more for my Glee Club ski trip." "Give you $1 if you shave your head." "I've booked the Alligaroos to sing at a bunch of Christmas parties." "If we make enough money, on December 26 we'll all be.... imitating Jerry Lewis?" "I've got to rehearse now." "Guys, let's use this room." "Let's start with our opening number." "Five, six, five, six, seven, and...." "Hold it!" "What the bloody hell kind of song is that?" "What do you mean?" "A little kid sees his mom tongue-wrestling with Santa Claus?" "Will, it's his father dressed up like Santa Claus." "Why'd he dress up like...." "I get it." "I dress up like Santa Claus." "You dress up like the Easter Bunny." "That makes me sick." "We're putting together a program for Jonathan's parents' party tonight." "Jonathan's stepfather is a record producer... and he asked us not to do tired old Christmas carols." "Here's our program." "Wait a minute." "You Don't Bring Me flowers..." "people Who Need people, The Way We Were." "Who's coming down the chimney, Barbra Streisand?" "You've been to my parents' parties?" "That would be fantastic." "All right." "Also, I want to send a box of the fancy chocolate-covered pretzels... to Mr. Patrick Swayze." "Right." "The card should read:" ""Pat, saw these and immediately thought of you." "Love, Hilary." "XXX."" "Send the same thing to Kevin Costner, Michelle Pfeiffer and Sting." "Great, thanks." "That takes care of the A-list." "Now, should I send the box of pears or the meat thermometer... to Steve Guttenberg?" "Hilary, I hate to inject some reality into these proceedings... but who you trying to fool, baby?" "What do you mean?" "You always walk around fronting like you know all these famous people." "You don't know nobody." "Will, you are so jaded and skeptical." "You remind me so much of Judd Nelson." "Philip, we'll spend an hour at your office party, then we'll come home." "l have papers to grade." "Okay, but first things first." "Do you remember the names of all my partners' wives?" "Yes." "Who is George Meyer's wife?" "Eunice." "That was last year." "The new wife's name is Kelly." "Kelly?" "Walter's secretary?" "Now, who is Jack Fitzgerald's wife?" "Doris." "The correct answer is Heather, formerly the muffin-cart girl." "Wait a minute." "How many new wives are going to be at this party?" "Let's put it this way, Vivian." "You're the only repeat." "Hold up." "You guys going to a Christmas party?" "lt's just an office Christmas party." "l remember ours back in Philly." "The building would be filled with the sounds of Christmas." "Jingle bells and singing and laughing." "Then at the end of the evening, the traditional police sirens." "Those were the days." "I'll just go bring the car around." "Aunt Viv, does this neighborhood do anything special for Christmas?" "Not really." "Last year, President Reagan's Secret Service agents... dressed up as Santa and warned everyone to keep their distance." "That was kind of festive." "Aunt Viv, this is terrible." "People in Bel-Air don't know how to celebrate Christmas." "l'm worried about Ashley." "What do you mean?" "Growing up in Bel-Air, she never had a real Christmas." "There's no sledding, there's no caroling... there's no winos making snow angels on the front lawn." "You don't even decorate the living room." "Yes, we do." "We've already started." "The poinsettias, the red candles... and here's the beautiful crystal nativity... your uncle gave me for Christmas years ago." "Where's little baby Jesus?" "Right there." "That little disk?" "There are more decorations coming." "A wonderful shop in Beverly Hills... comes to the house, sets up the tree and decorates it for us." "Do they open your presents and wear your sweaters, too?" "If you want to show Ashley a little more of the Christmas spirit... why don't you go to the shop, pick up the decorations... and you and Ashley can decorate it yourself, okay?" "All right, then." "This is going to be hype." "Have fun at the office Christmas party." "Thanks, I'm looking forward to meeting all the new wives." "I hope they bring their Barbie dolls." "Will, were you vociferating for me?" "I got to get back to you on that." "You want to go to Beverly Hills with me and get the decorations?" "Okay." "We can sing Christmas songs all the way." "Great." "Here's one Carlton taught me." "Hi." "Merry Christmas." "Aren't these figures outstanding?" "They're beyond outstanding, they're deeply beyond." "They're hand-carved." "We import them from Poland." "We're looking for some Christmas decorations." "Let me show you something we're doing now that's deeply happening." "It's a Caribbean Christmas tree." "It's very big in London, it's beyond big." "It's all about very hot oranges and very intense yellows." "I feel it's a very vibrant tree, and I feel it's a very important tree." "We're just picking up the decorations for my mother, Mrs. Banks." "Yeah, she phoned and told me... you'd be putting them up yourselves this year, which is fine." "You'll save yourself a little money, which is a good thing... because the '90s are going to be all about restraint." "is this the wreath for the door?" "Yeah." "Let's talk about that wreath for a moment, if you will." "Last year, I was so deeply into the distant salmons and the sandy beiges." "But this year I went more with the muted roses... with these little arrogant touches of celadon and periwinkle." "I think it worked out quite nice." "Let's try something wild here, you know?" "Do you have anything red or green... or, I don't know, maybe something like a Santa Claus?" "It's been done." "Excuse us." "These decorations are wack." "We'll save Aunt Viv a lot of money... and buy them somewhere else." "Let's go." "Excuse me." "You forgot your box of decorations." "No, you see, we're going to do our own decorations this year." "It's going to be about arrogant little elves and rambunctious reindeer... and little men in red suits." "I think it will be deeply, deeply dope." "We should've left that stupid office party an hour earlier." "I still have 30 papers to grade." "We're both busy, but we can't work in the car... so why don't we take this time to relax a bit?" "You're right." "Look how nicely they decorated the house on the corner." "Those white lights on the tree outside." "Just the right touch of lights." "A little goes a long way, you know." "God, I used to love Christmas when I was little." "Now it just rushes by in one big blur." "Christmas is more for kids." "You know, even though we're busy... I think we should do something nice for Will." "Must be hard for him spending Christmas in a strange place." "Yeah, you're right, sweetheart." "We'll do something nice for him." "Surprise!" "Ashley, sweetie." "Where's Will?" "Aren't you surprised, Mommy?" "Where is Will?" "I had so much fun today with Will, you can't believe it." "Surprise!" "Look, it's Will." "Will, what happened at the Christmas shop?" "Aunt Viv, they were trying to rip you off." "So me and Ashley went down to the Pick 'n' Grab." "Hello." "Yes, this is Philip Banks." "You saw our lights." "The blinking Frosty the Snowman is riling your attack dogs." "That's wonderful." "Our neighbors are furious." "We must take down the lights." "Uncle Phil, I bet there's a lot of neighbors that love those decorations." "I mean, certainly anyone who possesses good taste." "Banks residence." "Have a holly, jolly Christmas." "Brother, you got a problem with my lights?" "Why don't you come tell me that to my face, then?" "You can do whatever you want to do." "It's your world, squirrel." "I'm just trying to get a nut." "What?" "We can do this." "That was clever, Trevor." "Ain't no thing but a chicken wing." "Yeah, all right." "Madam, sir." "A group of your neighbors have assembled on the front lawn." "They're looking at your Christmas decorations and growing enraged." "They are threatening to burn Frosty in effigy." "We'd better get out there." "Geoffrey, thanks for helping us put up those Christmas decorations." "I'd have never had the guts to climb up on that roof... with that reindeer strapped on my back." "Anything in the name of Christmas, Master William." "Your aunt and uncle didn't suspect anything, did they?" "No." "Still, I think it's best we avoid eye contact for the rest of the evening." "10-4." "Should I talk to them?" "Or do you want to?" "No, I'll give it a try." "Dad, can I offer a suggestion?" "Sure." "They're our neighbors and they're upset." "It's up to us to make sure that this doesn't ruin their Christmas." "There's only one way to do that." "I think we should write a few checks." "Sit down, Carlton." "As you wish, Father." "I'll have to tell them we'll take the decorations down as soon as we can." "Can't we leave some of them up?" "I don't know, maybe we can reach a compromise." "Everybody, in keeping with the spirit of the season... I think we can discuss this rationally." "Property values in this neighborhood must be vigorously protected." "Isn't that right, Mr. Uesato?" "I'm afraid potential buyers aren't too crazy about the Kmart look." "You know dear, there are wonderful services that will come... and decorate your house for you." "But this year our daughter and nephew decided... to do the decorating themselves." "I see." "Are they very angry with you over something?" "No, why?" "This reminds me of the summer my daughter Amanda turned 15... and tried to burn our house down." "Master William." "There is a gentleman in the foyer who claims... you had some harsh words with him on the phone." "Oh, yeah?" "That chump is here?" "Send him in." "Fighting doesn't solve anything." "Aunt Viv, ain't gonna be no fight." "I can tell by the sound of this guy's voice on the phone, I could take him in a minute." "Mr. Evander Holyfield." "The undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World." "Nice champion." "I recognize your voice." "You're the chump I talked to on the telephone." "Phone?" "I ain't talked to you on no phone." "Evander." "Hilary." "You know her?" "Where were you last night at Bruce Willis' party?" "I'm not speaking to Bruce." "I'll tell you about it later." "What are you doing here?" "l didn't know you lived here." "Frankly, I saw the lights and I thought they were... a little tacky." "Look!" "I didn't mean for everybody to get so upset." "You might as well just take all the lights down." "Ashley." "lt's okay, Dad." "Now, come on." "The house looks dope." "Who cares what they think?" "Bet you Santa thinks it's nice." "I know you're trying to get me into the Christmas spirit... but I'm just not into it." "All those people are in a bad mood... none of my friends are around to play with." "I'm going to go up to my room... learn some new word and wait until New Year's." "That was great." "Who are you guys?" "Hi, I'm Mark Driscoll." "How you doing?" "Every year, I take the neighborhood kids around... to look at the Christmas lights." "They choose one house as the best-decorated... then sing carols for the people who live there." "This year, you guys won." "We drove all over." "Yeah, and usually this neighborhood is a complete dud." "We weren't even going to come here... until Jimmy saw the house from the freeway." "I tell you what, we've got cookies and hot chocolate inside." "Come on in." "All right, let's go." "Thanks." "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." "Ashley, I seem to remember you saying... you wanted some friends and there they are." "Still don't believe that there's a Santa Claus?" "I'm glad we cleared up this little matter." "I assume the lights will be down by tomorrow." "Wait. I've changed my mind." "l want the lights to stay up." "Fight the power, Ashley." "I love them." "They're beautiful." "I'm not the only one who thinks so." "Will thinks so, too, and so do all these kids." "And besides, it's Christmas." "When I look at the lights and the reindeer and the decorations... it makes me feel very ebullient." "Yeah, me, too." "Ashley's right." "What are we arguing about here?" "When we were kids, we used to all love Christmas." "And now we take things too seriously." "Personally, I think the lights are kind of neat." "I guess they're really not hurting anybody." "And the kids really like them." "We shouldn't be fighting. lt's so barbaric." "Then we're all agreed?" "I think those decorations are totally inappropriate for a home in Bel-Air." "Madam, another of your neighbors has arrived." "Great, that's all we need." "Excuse me." "Hello, everybody." "Hi, there, Hilary." "Thanks for the pretzels." "I'm sorry to bother you, neighbor." "I just want to say that... I greatly admire your wonderful Christmas decorations... and I just wanted to say that because Nancy won't let me... do anything fun to our house." "Thank you, Mr. President." "lt's a pleasure." "A few of our neighbors came to tell us about our lights, too." "What were you saying, Mr. Grey?" "I was just saying they were absolutely magnificent, Mr. President." "That's what I think." "This is what Christmas is all about." "Now comes the magic moment." "Everybody gather around the TV." "Will, what are you doing?" "This is one of our Christmas traditions." "I like to watch out for this certain commercial." "A commercial?" "You know the one where it's all snowy... and the little jolly Santa is riding on a Norelco shaver?" "I love that commercial." "And that Christmas beer commercial... with the horses with the furry feet are pulling the sleigh through the snow." "I loved that commercial where the little covered wagon... is being chased by the dog across the kitchen floor." "He's on the shaver!" "English"