"Hello, Kate." "Rosie said you'd be here." "Is there a problem?" "These are the financial aid forms I asked you to sign for Rosie's college application." "I didn't know your income this year, so..." "I'll take care of it." "Appreciate it." "Rosie's at her friend Becca's house." "They're working on a science project so you'll have to wait until after dinner to pick her up{\, okay?" "}." "Why can't she do it some other night?" "I only see her two nights a week." "Who's choice was that, Paul?" "I'm just supposed to wait around until she's finished?" "What am I supposed to do until then?" "I don't know." "Maybe {\you could }see your other child?" "I'm sorry." "Please, let's not do this now." "And please don't come to my therapist's, okay?" "Please don't come here." "I have one fucking hour to myself." "Please." "I think you have your whole life to yourself now." "Why don't you enjoy it?" " Hello, Tammy." " Timing." " I hope you didn't hear all that." " Oh no, it's no problem." "Actually, I'm glad I ran into you." "I wanted to tell you how sorry I was about interrupting your session last week." "That's fine." "It's good to see you again." "It's your turn." "Have fun." "Subtitles:" "sub-way.fr (1.00)" "Tammy looked like she had a good session today." "We can't talk about another patient." "You said that last week." "I said a lot of things last week and the truth is I don't know what I was thinking." "Look." "I can't be in therapy with you." "{\I mean, i}It's nothing personal." "If I were to go to therapy, obviously I would come to you, of course." "But it's just not a good time for me to... to make myself more miserable." "Is that what we were going to do, make you more miserable?" "I didn't want to just phone, you know." " Are you sure about this?" " Absolutely." "I'm sorry to hear this." "But I respect your decision, so." " You respect my decision?" " Yes, of course I do." "Do you want me to leave?" "You stay here and wait for the kids." "It's fine." "But since I've got some free time, I need to do some shopping." " You're going shopping?" " Do you need anything from the market?" "What would I need from the market, Gina?" "Oh, right." "I don't know." "Did you want me to argue with you?" "Do you want me to persuade you to come to therapy?" "Did you want me to just, like, leave you a message?" "This is very polite." "I'm gonna..." " We can't have an hour of conversation?" " That's what we did last week." "I'll pay you for an hour of conversation." "I don't sell my conversations." "Maybe we should charge them.{\for conversations.}" "If anyone learns anything it'd be all the better." "So, are you gonna stay here while I'm gone?" " I get what you're doing." " What am I doing?" "Women, they're all the same, every last one of them." "Excuse me?" "Maybe it's not a good idea for you to stay here." "I just want you to stay and talk." " You said that." " 10 minutes, please." "You don't know what kind of a week I've had, Gina." "I've got this CEO guy, he pays me by the insight." "When I give him the insight he doesn't want..." "I really loathe people who think they can just buy whatever they want." "Then I've got this former patient who I haven't seen for 20 years who thinks that everything that's happened in the meantime is my fault." "I just want to rest for a few minutes, that's all." "Just a few minutes though." "You can't get any rest on the train?" "On the train I talk to you, but you don't talk back." "Not just you, I talk to all the people I don't see all week." " Like Kate and the boys." " And Rosie." "And this week I talked to Tammy Kent." "Why am I thinking about Tammy Kent all the time?" "I don't know." "I was so happy at her house when I was 17." "Was that the last time I was happy, I wonder." "I don't think so, Paul." "What was it about being at her home that made me so happy?" "I don't know." "Maybe that's something you could work on in therapy." "I could also work on why I say such stupid things about women." "That women are all the same, what a stupid thing to say." "Please, forgive me." "People say stupid things when they're angry." "Anger is also a good thing you could work on in therapy." "I called my lawyer from the train." "It turns out that Mr. Prince's lawyers are..." "They're deposing Laura today." "She had a relationship with Alex." "I know she had a relationship with Alex, while she was in love with you." "That's a dangerous triangle." "Are you worried that she'll use this as a way to get back at you?" "I don't know what she'll say." "Maybe she really thinks that it is my fault that Alex is dead." "That's another good thing to work out here." "Fine." "I'm like my patients, you know." "I don't want to be in therapy, because I don't want to talk about my parents." "My past is fine." "It's the present that causes the problems." "I'm sure it's occurred to you, Paul, that..." "That why you're thinking about Tammy so much..." "Nothing has occurred to me." "Why do you think I'm here?" "I'm sorry." "Please..." "Tell me what's occurred to you." "It occurred to me that you're interested in Tammy Kent because there's something incomplete in your understanding of your father's abandonment and your mother's breakdown." " And how does Tammy fit into this?" " I don't know." "Can't you guess?" "There's an idea." "Guess therapy." "You tell me a problem you have, and I'll try to guess what caused it and if I guess right," "I win!" "The only problem is I'd have to know what caused my problem in order to say whether you were right." "All right, true." "Yes..." "It had occurred to me too that my response to Tammy Kent was tied up with my mother's death somehow." "That seeing Tammy opened a kind of a window onto that time." "Suddenly with Tammy there," "I felt I had to look in, you know, I think, to see myself..." "Before the fall maybe." "And Tammy and I were lovers..." "And I'd want to talk about that too." "But I can't talk about Tammy because she's your patient." "So..." "I don't know, maybe I'll just take Tammy out for a coffee sometime, but I won't go looking in the..." "In the mother window." "I'll just..." "Let it all stay dead." " The problem is it's not dead." " It's the..." "Undead." "Like in a horror movie." "You kill it, you bury it, but then it comes right back, right out of the grave." "Mother!" "Those are the monsters..." "The things that won't stay dead." "And one night when you're too tired to kill the thing again, you let it kill you, just..." "Just so that it will at least be over." "Is that what you think happened to your Alex up there in his plane?" "That instead of fighting his guilt one more time, he just gave into it, so it would be over?" "Yeah." "It's hard to know how much fight a person has in him." " True." " You, for instance." " You don't have to worry about me." " I'm glad." "But I wonder why you think you {\don't have the strength left}aren't strong enough to fight your mother one more time." "I mean, maybe this time you'd win." "What are you suggesting?" "I'm suggesting that maybe you could finally lay them to rest." "One of them... my dad..." "is still alive." "Of course I know that." "But still, if you had clarity about what happened back then, maybe that could all rest in peace." "And so could you." "How does that sound?" " As a goal for therapy?" " As a goal, therapy or not." "I don't think I can do it without therapy." "I know it." "I won't do the work." "I won't think about it." "I'll just go on blaming myself, taking it out on everybody else." "I'll start smoking again, drinking too much." "I didn't know that drinking was a problem for you." "It's..." "As long as I don't drink alone, it isn't." "Why am I so resistant to you?" "Why do I come all the way down here, only to tell you that I don't want to be in therapy?" "Clearly I have to be in therapy." "I have to figure out how this next part of my life goes." "I have to know if I'm doing the right job." "I have to know if I'm helping people." "And if I'm not," "I have to know what I'm going to do next." "Did you really worry that I couldn't hear about Tammy because she was my patient?" "Of course I did." "I do!" "I appreciate that." "And?" "So I thought about whether I could treat you both, especially if anything were to happen between the two of you." "Do you think something{\is likely to} could happen between the two of us?" "Not necessarily." "But I have to aknowledge that something could happen." "No, I don't want anything like that." " Are you sure?" " Absolutely." "As sure as you were that you didn't want to see me for therapy?" "Who doesn't want to be back in bed with his high-school sweetheart, the girl who looks at him in the way he used to be?" "I mean, don't you think about stuff like that?" "Let's try and stay on the topic, Paul." "Sure, sorry." "I thought I was beginning to enjoy myself." "If I'm going to treat you and Tammy, there's going to have to be some rules." "Like?" "Well..." "If you were the therapist and you had two patients who had a history," " what rules would you want?" " Okay, well," "I would make it clear that I couldn't tell either of them anything that I had learned in session about the other." " Okay." " Okay?" "And..." "They couldn't expect me to analyze the other one and they couldn't use me to... send messages back..." "back and forth." "Okay." "My seeing them would have to be a kind of open secret." "We'd all know about it, of course, but we'd... all put it away and just" " not use it." " All?" "Even you?" "You think you could do that?" "I think so, yeah." "When Alex and Laura slept together, you kept your response to that out of their therapy?" "As I remember it, I threw the affair in her face and a cup of coffee in his, but that, that..." "that was different." " How was that different?" " Their affair was about me." "Laura slept with Alex because I wouldn't sleep with her." "And he slept with her because I wouldn't give..." "And he slept with her because she was gorgeous and he felt like..." "What were you gonna say, before you corrected yourself?" "He slept with her because you wouldn't...?" "Because I wouldn't tell him not to fly again." "Because I wouldn't try to control his recklessness." "And he wanted to show me what kind of damage he could do." " But you didn't see that?" " No, I didn't." "I guess I was too involved so I didn't get the message." "He counted on me to control his self-destructive influences." "Instead I lashed out at him, he lashed out at himself and..." "And down he went." "So..." "You can see why I need to remain neutral if something were to happen?" "Of course." "I need you to promise me that nothing's going to happen." "Sure." "Nothing will happen with Tammy Kent until or unless we are no longer your patients." "I want you to know, that..." "What you've said about Alex today stays with me." "I'm not going to mention any of that in the deposition." "Okay then." "Okay." "Do you want to proceed?" "Yes, I do." "Good," "I'm glad." "So, let's begin." "Last week you mentioned your high-school sweetheart." "Yeah," " Tammy Kent." " Last week you called her" " Tammy Kent, also by her full name." " That's what everybody called her." "There was another Tammy in the neighborhood so we called this one Tammy Kent." " And she lived down the hall?" " They moved in when I was about 14." "And that was about the time your father moved out?" "No, he moved out a little bit after that." "You know, it should've been the worst time of my life with my father gone and my mother beginning her..." "You know, to suffer her bouts of..." "Depression, but..." "I wasn't sad, you know?" "I was..." "I was excited." "What was it that excited you?" "Tammy." "She'd show up out of thin air when I was having the worst day and, you know, we'd just start talking." "And everything bad about my house, it felt like a movie." "It felt like a movie that I was watching but that I wasn't in." "And even if my mother was crying all day," "I'd tell Tammy Kent and she'd say, "Yeah, it's going to be okay."" "What would be okay?" "I don't know, she just made me feel that I could get through it and that... if I let my mother cry that that was okay too." "And I... had the hope that when I went back down the hall, things'd be all right." "Or if they weren't, at least, you know, I could... deal with them." "So she helped you take care of your parents." "She was so young to be a grief counselor." "Well, she felt more like my..." "My girlfriend." "And the way I felt about it was if I had a girlfriend, then I was, you know, I was okay." "I wasn't the poor kid with the absent father and the pitiful mother..." "I mean, I was that kid, yes, I was, but I wasn't a complete failure." "At least, I had a... {\I had }a girlfriend." "Did you have a physical relationship with her?" "Back then no." "We were... 14." "Different times, not like kids now." "No, it was another three years before we had sex." "After all that stuff had happened and, you know, I was over..." "Over everything." "What was it that happened?" "Well, after my father left." "After your father..." "Left..." "You and your mother for one of his patients?" "Right." "And then my mother went into this, like really..." "Deep... depression." "I remember one Christmas Eve," "Tammy's mother invited us to come over to the house and, you know, her husband had died that year, but you'd never know it." "She was the strongest woman I think I've ever met in my life." "Their house was always full of light and music." "She was determined to stay alive for her kids, that's for sure." " Not like your mother?" " No, not like my mother, who jumped into the abyss and pulled me down with her." "So... about Christmas?" "Yeah, anyway, Christmas." "Christmas Eve." "Tammy..." "Tammy appears at the door." "She says, "Come on, come on."" "So, I said, "Hang on for a minute." So I went into my... into my mother's room to see, you know, did she want to come?" "But she was asleep," "I decided..." "I'd leave without her and we went over to Tammy's place." "It was..." "It was just... amazing." "Tammy's mother had baked this... glazed ham with the pineapples and cherries and there were christmas cookies and people were drinking punch and everybody was singing and it was just great." "So then afterwards, Tammy and I went to her room." "And we were just..." "You know, talking and... talking..." "I think that was... when I first fell in love with her." "You know?" "I thought she was..." "I thought she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen." "Anyway, suddenly, I remembered my mother because I was afraid that she'd wake up and that she wouldn't know where I was." "So I ran out of Tammy's room, and..." "What happened when you got home?" "I don't really remember." "Finding my mother unconscious on the floor, calling the ambulance, the trip to the hospital..." "I don't even remember any of it." "You know, from the time I left Tammy's bedroom until I got to the hospital corridor, it's all just, like..." "It's all a blur." "It's all missing." "It's like... it's erased." "It's very important that you try and remember that night." "I can't." "I have tried." "My mother's first suicide attempt the most important night of..." "The most important night of my life, but I don't remember anything." "Why was it the most important night of your life?" "Because if I'd stayed with her, she wouldn't have tried to, you know, kill herself." "I know it took years before she finally did it, but that Christmas Eve when I wasn't there, that was the first time she did it." "That's when it all started." "Paul, you were a 14-year-old kid." "You had just had the most wonderful night of your life." "Yeah, but..." " it doesn't matter." " It does matter." "She took your wonderful night away from you." "She punished you for neglecting her." "She showed you what damage she could do if you ignored her, if you didn't take care of her." "And it wasn't just the threat on her life." "But a threat on my life as well, {\is that what }you mean?" "Yes." "I was totally fine." "I mean," "I was just standing there in the hall with a stomachful of cookies." "She was the one in the hospital with the tubes sticking out of her arms, the nurses running in and out." "I was out enjoying myself." "She was about to die." "What could you have done?" "I don't know." "All I know is I left her for one night and that was the night she did it." "So... whatever I was doing before that, obviously I was..." "I was helping her." "It's very important that you remember exactly what happened to you that night." "Because... maybe you'll discover something missing." "You know, some detail that'll help you feel..." "less guilty." "But I am guilty." "I know for a fact that you couldn't save her." "Just like I know for a fact that you couldn't save Alex." "But my knowing those things is meaningless." "You have to know them." "You do." "Okay." "So you have to do whatever it is you have to do to remember that night." "Like what?" "Like... hypnosis?" "You'll figure it out." "Okay." "I'll see you next week." "Yeah, and..." " thanks." " You're welcome." "Hi, could I have..." "A phone number for Tammy Kent?" "I mean..." "Meswick." "Tammy Meswick." "Connect me." "Hi, Tammy, it's Paul Weston." "Could you give me a call at this number when you have a chance?" "It's nothing urgent." "I just wanted to ask you something about..." "About my mother."