"What do you think of this?" "What do you think of this outfit?" " It's fine." " Fine means crap." " It's good." " Good means fine." "Well. if good means fine and fine means crap." "doesn't that mean that good means crap?" "The most important interview of my career and you're doing a little word puzzlies?" "( sighs ) I'm changing." "( with Irish accent) You don't freak out about your outfits." "do you." "little leprechaun?" "Headline:" ""I'm in love."" "I must have missed that headline." "Then again." "I don't read the farm report." "His name is Ramon." "Thank you for asking." "He's from the Dominican Republic." "That's on the island of Hispaniola." "I'm lovin' and learnin' at the same time." "I'm listening and not caring at the same time." "Poor. poor jealous you." "stuck inside the nunnery while all the other girls run around in their miniskirts and take the pill." "How do you solve a problem like Will Truman?" "Oh." "look." "it's Mother Inferior." "Okay." "I need shoe help." "This one says I'm confident and capable." "This one says I spend way too much money on shoes and I'm worth it." " Mmm." " What do you think?" "Let me see the other one." " Now the other." " The other." " No. the other." " Now. add the arms." "Sunshine and rain." "and sunshine and rain..." "Okay." "I'm not auditioning for the road company of "Babes in Boyland."" "This is my chance to design Nathan Barry's house." "The publicist?" "That man ruined my career!" "Wait. wait. wait." "You had a career and you didn't tell me?" "I sent him a flyer to "Just Jack."" "But did he come to "Just Jack." where he would have been comped and given a drink coupon?" "No." "Three people saw "Just Jack." Two of them were just us!" "Sweetie. come on." "You gotta calm down." "You look great." "You are great." "You can get this." "All you have to do is figure out the one thing that you can bring to the table that nobody else can." "and then you just do whatever you have to do to close the deal. okay?" "You go out there and you knock 'em dead." "Our little girl's going out to face the world." "Mmm." "With two different colored shoes on." "Grace!" "Next." "Oh God." "I want this job." "I can get it." "I can get it." "Oh." "look." "Donna Karen's got a new fragrance." "Oops." "Missed again." "Donna." "DKPU." "Wow." "She must have opened with "What about wicker?"" "She wasn't even in there long enough to show her book." "Oh. come on." "She didn't have to show him her book." "She was wearin' a Joan Rivers bee pin." "Grace. stop fidgeting." "Everything's gonna be fine." "Just remember to let me do the talking." "No." "I'm the designer." "You are the odd woman I pay to insult my clothes." "I'll be doing the talking." "( sighs ) Suit yourself." "Speaking of which-  ( door opens )" " Hmm." "No. no. we want that meeting." "Right. well." "you make it happen." " Antonia Hutt?" " No." "Grace Adler from Grace Adler" " Antonia Hutt?" " No." "Alex. why didn't I get Antonia Hutt?" "I love her work." "Marrakech?" "Well. then I hope she gets bit by a scorpion." "So do I." "It'll mean one less designer to compete with." "( snorts )" "Book. please." "Um. this is a pied-à-terre I did last spring." "Uh. that's a house I did on Long lsland." "That was actually published in-- okay. you're a skimmer." "( sighs ) I should have known." "You have a skimmer's build." "I don't really do humor." "And I really don't like it in others." "Oh." "I'm not funny." "Ask anyone." "I'll vouch for that." "Do I know you?" "Did we meet at Sharon and Todd's for Michael's party?" "No." "I couldn't make it to Sharon and Todd's." "But I was at Kate and Adam's for Robert's opening." "I just saw Robert last week at Barbara and Fred's." "Oh." "I don't even talk to Barbara and Fred anymore." "Not since the Eve and Dennis debacle." "I live for Eve and Dennis." "I saw them last night." "We were with Sally and Eric." "Nicki." "Donald." "Suzette and Peter." "We went to Elaine's." "Oh." "I went to Elaine's once-- with Frieda and Sam." "The Jacobsons?" "Friends of my parents." "( sighs ) All right." "Iisten. honey." "We can't stand around and chit-chat all day long." "Does she have the job or not?" " I like you." " Hmm." "If you ever find yourself not working for her" "Oh." "Nate." "I find myself not working for her all the time." "So. come on." "Nate." "What's the skinny?" " I need to see your home." " My home?" "Don't do that." "Don't buy time by repeating what I say." "I need to see where you live." "Why would I hire a designer who lives in a dump?" "( gasps ) I'm not buying time by repeating what you say." "I know you have to see where I live." "Why would you hire a designer who lives in a dump?" "Here's the address. honey." "Come by her dump tonight." "Uh. yeah. why don't you come by around" " I'll be there at 8:00." " Great. 8:00." "Don't be late." "Don't do that." "Don't rhyme." " Karen?" " Hmm?" "You know how you show up late." "don't do any work around the office." "don't know how to use the fax or the computer and spend your day criticizing what I wear?" " Yeah." " Keep doin' that." "Damn it!" "Stand!" "Oh my God." "I can't get the lily to stand up straight." "Really?" "Even after you yelled at it?" "What a disobedient lily." "Maybe you should spank it." "Maybe you should spank it." "Hey. nervous." "No one is gonna notice one wayward lily." "Relax." "He's gonna love the place." " Where are you going?" " To the bathroom." "Don't touch anything." "You know what I mean." "It's arranged perfectly in there." "I can't make any promises." "Grace." "I may have to lift the toilet seat." "But I'll make mental note of where it was and put it back exactly as I found it." "( knocking on door )" "Nathan. hello." " May I take your coat?" " No." "Okay." "I get it." "It's a look." "Um. may I offer you a drink?" "Oh." "God. no." "I'm having drinks with friends." "Well." "I've seen what I need to see." "Good night." "Grace Adler." "I'll let you know on Monday." "Oh. you must be Nathan." "Will Truman." "Welcome to our home." "Well." "I suppose I could stay for a bit." "I really wanted to get my parents a very special gift for their anniversary." "but I think cash is so much more personal." " Don't you?" " Mmm." "You do." "Where's your washroom?" "Oh. it's just behind you." "Thanks." "It's going well. right?" "Yeah. it's going fine." "I hope you get the job." "but this guy is a creep." "My God. he puts the "noxious" in obnoxious." "Actually. he puts the "ob" in it. too." "Well." "I have to go now." "Good night." "Will." " It was nice meeting you." " Nathan." "Grace Adler." "walk me to the elevator. please." "That's not really an indication of what I'd do for you. of course." " It's specific to Will and l" " Is he involved right now?" "Will?" "Oh. um. no." "Not at the moment." "I think maybe I'll let you work for me." "Grace Adler." "How can I get rid of the "maybe"?" "Did you get a sense that Will was interested in me?" "Because I did." "( sighs ) I'm not gonna lie to you." "Yes." "I am very attracted to your roommate." "I want him to call me and I want you to make that happen." "Will that be a problem?" " Do I have the job?" " Is he gonna call me?" " Do I have the job?" " Is he gonna call me?" " Do I have the job?" " Is he gonna call me?" " ( elevator rings )" " Yes." " Then yes." " Okay" " So?" " I got it." "Tell me." "I'll tell you later." "Oh. come on." "What did he say?" "What did you say?" "Did you bring something to the table that nobody else could?" " Uh-huh." " Yeah. see?" "What was it?" "You." "Jack:" "Come to lunch." "Karen's in the car waiting'." "She's payin'." "You know." "Jack." "one of the perks of working is that you don't have to do this when somebody buys you lunch." "Aw. somebody's not happy because somebody has to date a pig." "That's not funny." "That's not. wait." "let me think about it just for a minute." "Yeah. it's pretty funny. actually." "Yes." "I'm having one date with Nathan Barry." "must you find humor in my pain?" "You know what's going to happen." "Mmmmmm..." "What's that?" "( mimicking pig ) Ree-ree..." "You and I have very different ideas about what a first date entails." "But they all involve the goodnight kiss." "Yeah. well." "I can assure you this one will not." "Hey. come on. boys." "What's the hold-up?" "I only get four hours for lunch." "Karen. wait a minute." "Come on in." "Will. you want to know how to get through this date?" "I'll show you." "Oh. honey." "You still doing the law thing?" "Will:" "Hmm." "Honey. you still doing the l-married-for-love thing?" "No." "Okay. focus." "All right." "the key to dating the undesirable is visual-ization." "All right. now it's the end of the evening and Karen." "who is totally smitten with me at this point-- thank you very much-- awaits a goodnight smooch." "Oh." "Lord." "Jack." "I just reapplied." "And as she leans in" "Ieaning. thank you" "I don't see Karen." "I see Dawson's Creek heartthrob James Van Der Beek." "Now. this is an image that works for me. okay?" "Utilizing my powers of concentration." "I am now able to kiss James." "I mean Karen." "No." "I mean James." "See?" "Any disgust I may feel is now eased by visual-ization." "You know." "I think I may join you for lunch-- 'cause here comes breakfast." "I know what you mean." "Politically." "I'm tolerant of the heterosexual lifestyle but the actual act is rather revolting." "So Dominick was just up the beach from me." "and Jerry and her brood were next door." "so I spent most of my vacation time hiding." "I don't know who Dominick and Jerry are." "Don't do that." "I'm not playing that." "You know which Dom and Jerry I'm talking about." "Oh. right. right. right." "Dom and Jerry." "I always forget which one's the cat and which one's the mouse." " They're both cats." " Ah." "Excuse me. this chicken is in strips." "I asked that you cube it." "You could get it right." "I'm here enough." " How tough is it to cube a chicken?" " Well." "let's see." "Chicken times chicken times chicken" "No. no. no. no." "Silly doesn't really work for me." "Well. good thing I left my whoopie cushion in my other pants." "No. no." "Give it some air." "It'll open right up for you." "Air." "( sighs ) So what are you working on now?" "You know what I'm working on." "Don't do that." "I'm not doing that with you." "Okay." "let's try Potent Potables for 200." "You've seen the photography exhibit at MOMA?" "Oh. come on." "let's not go there." "Stay in the moment." "You can still win me over." "Smaller cubes." "So. you're some kind of a lawyer?" "Oh. come on. don't do that." "Don't go there." "I'm not doing that with you." "I'm sorry." "I'm not following you." "I was just playing with you." "How boring." "Do you enjoy playing games?" "Yeah." "I'm a big game player." "One of my favorites is the being-nice-to-waiters game." "Yeah. if you win." "you get to not go to hell." "You are so like Tom." "Tom who?" "!" "Who is Tom and why don't these people give you their last names?" "Wow." "You are arrogant." "Be careful." "Will Truman." "You wouldn't want to offend me and force me to rethink Grace Adler." "Are you kidding me with this stuff?" "!" "Nobody actually says something like that they're twirling a moustache and tying Lillian Gish to the train tracks." " Check. please." " I'll take the check." " No. give it to me." " I have more money than he does." " Yeah. but I'll tip you." " And we have a winner." "Hi." "Hi." "He called." "Ugh" " Grace." "I'm sorry." "I couldn't control myself." "It's just. outside of a circus contortionist." "he's the only man I ever met that could actually blow smoke up his own ass." "He's pretty bad." "So he fired you?" "Actually." "he doubled my budget." "He doub-- that's fantastic." "Why are you eating a Ding-Dong?" "I did something bad." " Tell me." " You don't want to know." "Honey. after a date with Nathan Barry." "nothing could be that bad." " Even a second date with Nathan Barry?" " Wait. what?" "'Cause I told him you would go out with him again." "Grace?" "What" "Will. he loved you!" "Ugh..." "He said it turned him on the way you were totally direct with him and-- and put him in his place." "Yeah. well." "let me be totally direct with you." "I would rather go out with an Ebola-riddled gibbon monkey than this guy." "Hell." "I'd rather go out with Pat Buchanan than this guy." "Will. please." "Please?" "Remember how you told me to do whatever it takes to get this job?" "I'm still doing that." " I can't believe you're using me like this." " Just one more date." "By then. the only thing he'll want to fluff is the curtains." "Oh. come on." "Will." "I've done things for you that are just as bad as this." "without even batting an eye." "Name one!" "I won't belittle this with examples." "Will." "Will." "Will. please." "Please." "I'm begging." "One more date." "Please?" "Unless he wants a third." "For God's sake." "Grace." "why don't you just dress me up in fishnet stockings and thigh-high boots?" "You'd do that?" "This isn't right." "I should be designing this place." "Hey. fellas." "Either sweat less or crack a window. huh?" "I can't believe Will blew this for me." "It's so ridiculous." "I wasn't prostituting him." "All I asked was that he make himself romantically available to someone he doesn't particularly like so I could make a little money." "He wouldn't even do that!" "Hey. what's going on?" "Did we get fired?" "Where have you been?" "I've been talking about this all day." "Oh. spring edition." "600 pages." "You've been nothing but a series of hoots and clicks to me since breakfast." "( sighs ) Well. we haven't officially been fired yet." "but Will refuses to go out with Nathan again. so" " So he fired you?" " Well. not yet. but" "Well. wait." "Honey. wait a minute here." "Listen. you know how you get a year's supply of Omaha steaks every time you buy a Bentley?" "Um. no... but I'm very interested where this synaptic misfire's gonna land." "Grace. you are the luxury automobile." "Will's just a piece of meat." "Are you really so insecure about your work that you don't realize that Will is just the free gift with purchase?" "But..." "Nathan would have never given me the job" "Oh. bu-bu-bu..." "...bu-bu-bu bu-bu-bu-bu-da-da-ga-ga- go-go-too too" "Honey." "I'm usually not this sensitive." "Ride the wave." "Did it ever occur to you that maybe Nathan Barry might let you keep your job because you're a good designer?" "!" " You know. you're right." " Yeah." "I mean. people hire me all the time and they love my work." "I mean. why would Nathan blow all this money if he didn't really think that I knew what I was doing?" "I am a Bentley!" " Okay." "I'll go out with him." " Oh. thank God." "He would have fired my ass just as sure as I'm standing here." "I called him." "He's on his way over." "There's a few things I want to say to him first." "Talk to him." "don't talk to him." "I respect anything that you think you need to do." "I can't get you out of my head." "I want to live here." "I want to have cats with you." " Whoa. whoa. whoa." "Hold it." " No." "let me finish." "White Siamese." "I've already got them named." "Grizabella and Skimbleshanks." "The railway cat." "Okay. problem." "Warm and fuzzy doesn't work for me." "You can go now." "Grace Adler!" "We need to discuss wallpaper!" "Oh. yeah!" "That was good!" "That was good" "Okay. you don't care." "But Grace is gonna love that."