"Previously on Californication..." " What, no kiss?" " I'm through with that." "You, on the other hand, have been a very naughty little smurf." "Bi-curious, are we?" "He started it." "Spanking his assistant." "It's very sweet, actually" "I wanna learn from you." "I wanna be an agent." "I see first, you systematically destroy my marriage,..." "I know about everything, Charlie." "...and now you want me to help with your career." "I don't think you heard me." "I wrote something." "Hank wrote a new book?" "Can I read it?" "I don't think that's appropriate." "Is there anything I can help you with?" "I wrote this novel, and I was just wondering if Charlie would read it..." "What's it about?" "A 16-year-old girl fucks a much, much older man and finds herself both spiritually and sexually awakened." "Dad, are you okay?" "No." "but I'm working on it!" "This book is gonna be huge" "What is going on here, you're having certain thought and questioning things?" "I question everything." "It's very healthy." "It is very healthy." "I just think you can't run off and marry a guy after making sweet love to yours truly." "You and me, we had women that loved us for who we were and we fucked up" "Ain't life fuckin' grand?" "Ehi!" " you look great, mom" " Oh, thank you sweety" "I guess you are going with the more liberal interpretation of the "whole white wedding" concept, are you?" "Do you think I can go bra less... oh!" "Sorry, I didn't know we have a gentleman at our presents" "Only if you go with the more liberal interpretation of the "whole gentleman" concept" "Ouch!" "You now how exciting is, it is, to be behind the scene of the girls' lock-room right before the big game." "I think I'm gong to take my leave" "Oh, shit" "I think my dad's coming" "What?" " He was supposed to be playing Raquetball." " Oh, yes, by all means, get that thing off the groom just not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that's bad luck" "Ehy, you know what's worst luck?" "Is getting married, itself" " Shut up!" " They've studied." "It's like 2 out of 3 of those end in divorce, sometimes more. 3 out of 2, some." " Bill." " Hank." "God..." " You look lovely." " Thank you." "a little unconfortable coming from you, but, you know what?" "Hop me up!" "Thank you, Daddy" "You should have see the dress Karen had on, just now, she had..." "I mean, it was like, here...uh!" "and in the back..." "Wow!" "Ehi, you're home early?" "I've played here, in Greenburg." " I've beaten them." " Ah, ironically." "You know what?" "One day, you and me, Bill, till then, mano a mano, we're gonna... we're gonna play the real tennis not that sissy kind we are going '70s style wood rackets, knee socks, plum smugglers." "We'll do it!" " But not today, because I gotta go" " Dad?" " Yes?" " You can't" " Remember?" " No, what?" " I'd to talk to you... and mom." " Really?" "What about, sweety?" "family stuff" "Well, we are family or we will be right soon!" "Right?" "So, I should say what I feel?" "No matter what?" " Absolutely" " Yes" "Always" "I want to live with Dad" "I'll still visit you and stuffs" "I just..." "I wanna be most of the time with Dad" "That's the first I've heard of this" "Karen..." "Karen!" "Karen!" "Karen" "Ehi, Becca?" "Have you...uh, have you thought this through?" "I mean, have you...have you..." "Becca!" "Shit!" "Becca!" "Becca!" "Bill!" "Bill... and now we are two..." "Yeah" "You know, I'm gonna need some help..." "getting out this dress?" "Oh, and then there was one" "Season 1 Episode 11 "Turn the Page"" "Thank you" "Uncle Rumkle!" "Sorry, I'm late, I just..." "You just what?" "That's all I got!" "I do have some news, though deligth me!" "Becca is moving back in with me" " no shit!" " yeah" " Poor Karen, she must be..." " Devastated." "that's brutal" "It is." "The good news is, though, that as of today you and your extensive porn collection are moving into the Four Season." "Fantastic" "I've called the head." "I've booked you a room in the "husbands who've been kicked to the curb by their diminutive lesbian wives" wing." "it's rigth next to the "young actresses fresh into town" wing." "Am I correct?" "I don't know the layout of the hotel." "Well, that is news, boy, uh..." "I'll miss the camaraderie, but, uh, that staying in your bedroom was really starting to unnerve me you, inspire that staying, you cunnilinguist, you." " It's a talent." " Job well done." "What were you doing in my bedroom, you perv?" "Snooping, of course." "Looking for some fucking words I can sell." "Good luck with that shit." "By the way, how come you never told me Bill's little lolita of a daughter was a writer?" "'Cause I don't use that term loosely." "Writer." "Everybody says they're a writer in this town." "I'll give her "budding wordsmith," I'll give you that maybe." ""Budding," huh?" " She's fuckin' bloomed, pal." " it's all right?" "Dani's dripping wet over this manuscript of hers." "In fact, she insists that I pump it, launch her agenting career, or she's gonna hit me with the mother of all sexual-harassment suits." "Oh, charlie, I'm sorry." "Do you think you can get me a front-row seat to the trial?" "I'd like to be behind you in all the courtroom sketches." "You're such a good friend." "What the fuck do you want me to say?" "You fuck around with your assistant, you're gonna get screwed." "There's only a few things that could happen, all of them bad." "You're gonna get threatened, you're gonna get sued." "You can go for the trifecta and get divorced." "And yet,do I get any credit for all the assistants i didn't fuck?" "No, that's an injustice." "It is." "I get no credit for all the dicks I do not suck." "Check, please." "Then again,I don't know, you know..." "If...if Mia turns out to really be talented, then I could pump this till I'm blue in the face." "No harm no foul." "Am I right there?" "She... she might have some talent, from what I've seen, the little I have seen." "What is this thing about?" "This coverage makes it sound really fuckin' hot, you know?" "There's this young woman who's bangin' this older guy, and at one point, you know,she... she hauls off and just punches him right in the face." "That's...that's pretty ballsy right there, right?" "I don't know what else happens,but that's one scene." "Motherfucker." "What?" ""Fucking  punching." Hmm." "This is beyond ballsy." "Where are you..." "Okay, then." "What the fuck?" "I guess you didn't hear me knocking." " No." " No." "Well, that's why I let myself in... because I figured you'd probably be out here in this general vicinity, unable to hear me knocking." "Out by the pool, kickin' it,you know, after school?" "Right.Well, school doesn't get out till 3:00." "You need to get on top of that kind of shit, hank." "Is that,like, universal?" "'Cause I was overat mia's school that day, and it was very progressive, like maybe they didn't ad here to that kind of strict... there's no one here." "I'm all on my own in my big, empty house, just like I will be when you take my daughter away from me." "Come on, honey.I had nothing to do with that." "Oh, really?" "You didn't put her up to it?" "No!" "Of course not." "Why would I do that?" "Well, I don't know..." "to embarrass me." "To score some big fucking victory over bill." "No, I wouldn't do that." "Your usual shit." "No." "No, no, no." "I wouldn't do that." "What, so she just came up with it all by herself, out of the blue?" "The system that's been working for us since we split up, that's not working anymore?" ""I want to live with dad." "I don't want to live with mom." "She's a teenager." "I think the word you'relooking for is "mercurial." "No, I'm not looking..." "And I would never fuck with her head like that." "Yours, yes." "I can be a dick like that sometimes." "But hers, never." "Not in a million years." "Well, okay." "What do you mean,"okay"?" "I mean,"okay, I believe you." "But it's not gonna make any difference." "It doesn't make it any easier for me." "I know, but if you think about it in practical terms, it just means, like, a couple extra nights a week, right?" " I mean, it's not a big...no." "Don't, okay?" "Don't do that." "I don't need your fucking sympathy, hank, okay?" "Get out of my house, 'cause I don't wanna see you right now!" "Where's ilsa, she-wolf of the ss?" "Excuse me?" "Dani." "Where's dani?" "She's...she's in a meeting with, uh, mr.Runkle." "And you are?" " Going in there." " I'm sorry, sir." "Hey,look at the time...the big hand says "fuck"and the little hand says "off." "Good thing it doesn't have a second hand, huh?" "All right, I need to talk to you, and you, and you need to get out,and you... you, I don't need to talk to,but I know you." "Hello, victoria." "Well, so formal." ""Tricky vicky" he used to call me back in the day." "Where the hell have you been,hank moody?" "Haven't you owed me a book since the good guy was in office?" "Yeah, it's been seven years,thanks for asking." "It's coming along swimmingly." "Spell-checking as we speak." "I need to have a chat with you." "I'm in the middle of a meeting." "I can see that." "It won't take long." "Hank, uh, do you think you two could do this a little bit later?" "Like after the meeting that victoria flew infrom new york for?" "No." "We should straighten it out now." "We have a bunch more set up for later." "We don't want them to stack up." "Thank you, dani." "I can handle this." "Well, handle it, then." "Looks like you've got a live one there, runkle." "Hank, have a seat." "We can talk about "chinese democracy" as soon as" "I'm done talking with the publishing sensation." "I don't know if you're aware, but this young woman's written what could be the book of the year." "Is that right?" "Have I ever been wrong about this shit?" "It's fantastic." "It's like your early stuff." "Not so juvenile." "Not so many lame boner jokes." "Well, coincidentally,I have a lame boner right now." "I have a lame boner for justice." "And if you won't give me a private sidebar right now, maybe there's something you'd like to say to these good people?" "I don't know." "What might they be interested in hearing?" "Come on, mia.Just..." "just out with it." "wait." "I know what I could say." "Thank you, hank." "Thank you for giving me notes and helping me with this." "It's been a dream come true, really, to have your favorite writer in the whole wide world help you on your very first novel." "Hank, you're so sweet." "That's it?" "That's the way you want to play it?" "What do you want me to do,blow you, hank?" "I mean,that would be untoward." "Oh, my god, look at the potty mouth on this one." "I love it." "She'd be great with the press, right?" "Like elizabeth wurtzel... with talent." "Okay, hank.Let's go, huh?" "What the fuck is the matter with you?" "What do you have, epilepsy, asperger's, tourette's?" "Good to see you, hank." "Good luck with the spell-check." " I need to talk to you,charlie." " Later.Later.I will talk to you later." "You can't pack her lunch for the next six months." "I know." "I'm just packing it for tomorrow because, you know, I figured if I get all the sandwiches in for tomorrow, then, if he forgets,it's okay 'cause, like, she has sandwiches for every day of the week." "Okay." "Oh, is mia back from her meeting yet?" "What meeting?" "She met with charlie." "She's trying to get one of her stories published." "Isn't that great?" "Oh, wow, yeah." "Yeah, I haven't read it, but my father's intuition says it's probably pretty special." "Yes.Yeah.I'm sure it is." "Have you, um,signed the papers yet?" "Oh, god.No, honey.Sorry.I forgot." "I've been a little preoccupied." " I know.I know.Let's go." " No, we got to go." " Come on." "Come on." " But, Bill... we're gonna take a look at this." "Nah, this is important stuff." "Look, we have our pren up,we have our wills." "Don't you care about Becca's trust fund?" "Yeah... no." "Bill, I don'T." "I don't care." "All I care about is Becca leaving me." "Us." "She's not leaving us." "You know, she's moving out." "She doesn't want to live here anymore." "I can't tell what's worse... whether she doesn't know she's ripping my heart out, or whether she does know, but,you know, she just doesn't care." "Honey, honey,it's a phase." "She sees mia acting so independently, she probably wants to see what that feels like, so she's doing the only thing she can to assert herself." "What?" "Like getting away from me?" "Like I'm the wicked witch of the west or something?" "No, it's not about that,trust me." "As soon as her father lets her down, she'll be begging you tobring her back home, I promise." "We're talking about hank,here." "How long can that possibly take?" "He'll probably disappoint her on the car ride home and have to turn around." "Don't make me laugh, 'cause I'm trying to wallow here, okay?" "Thank you ever so kindly." "So you had your fun and then you told them the truth, right?" "Told them what, hank?" "You know, I think I'd appreciate your particular brand of humor a lot more if you weren't fucking around with my life." "And you haven't fucked around in mine at all?" "I mean, I know, I know..." "it was an accident." "How could you possibly have known?" "The simple fact remains, you fucked me and you didn't want to have anything to do with me." "That doesn't sit well with the ladies." "So this is your revenge?" "You're some kind offeminist caped crusader?" "Yeah, well, we all pay for our sins sooner or later, hank." "Thank you." "How'd you get a hold of it?" "Well, it was just sitting there all unappreciated and shit, and I asked karen if I could read it." "And she said "no." "" Exactly." "She was afraid that I would get corrupted in some way." "I'm sure." "Oh, man.I wonder what'd she think if she knew I that had your dick in my mouth." "But I digress." "Anyway,I took it to kinko's and settled in for what was truly a great read." "It's so good, hank." "A really great first draft." "You're gonna get caught, you know." "People are gonna recognize my writing." "No, see,I covered my tracks." "I added little bits of me when I re-typed it." "It's not really so much an outright theft as a mash-up." "An homage, if you will." "From me to you." "You are a very young... sociopath-in-training." "Oh, come on." "That's like satan calling one of his junior minions "a big meanie." "Yes, but I never set out to hurt you, mia." "What else is out there for me, huh?" "!" "College, going to europe,working at an agency, a network, a studio?" "Blech!" "Boring!" "This has been fun." "I never intended to be famous, but I do like being the center of attention." "It feels just like I thought it would... totally fucking great." "But it's gonna go away." "Well, we just got offers from victoria newsome and little brown, but I think random house is gonna blow them out of the water." "Random house?" "I didn't even know they were..." "did I miss these calls?" "I didn't see messages." "No, I didn't think it was worth bothering you about." "Some kahl with your coffee?" "We seem to be all out of champagne." "I think the tv people drank it all when they sold "slut wars" into syndication." "No." " No, thank you - don't mind if I do." "It's been a great ride, charlie runkle." "We proved sexand the workplace can mix." "We subverted some dominant paradigms." "And froma feminist standpoint, we're about to launcha major female writer." "She was great,wasn't she?" "I mean, she was poised,she was funny... she had them eating out of her hand and looking up her skirtat the same time." "Yeah,that is quite a feat." "The girl's gonna sell five million copies based onthe jacket photo alone." "And did you see how completely unfazed she was by hank?" "I mean, no offense, he's a cool guy, but it was kind of pathetic, right?" "Yeah, uh, dani, I actually have a little bit of a headache, you know?" "I think I'm just gonna lie down here for a while." "Okay." "You rest,I'll take the calls." "So, here's the last of your t-shirts." "Thanks." "You know, you can always bring your stuff home, um, for me to washon the weekends or whenever." "I know." "'Cause your dad,um, you know, he'll probably just buy you new clothes when the old ones get dirty." "That would be his solution... mom, I know." "You know." "Yeah." "Hey!" "Shit, you're not taking everything, are you?" "No." "Just the essentials." "I'm gonna let you guys..." "give her a hand, yeah?" "Mom?" "Yeah?" "You and me..." "I was thinking next saturday we could go to the getty." "Just us." "That'd be great.I'd love that, sweetie." "And so it begins." "The non-custodial parent time, hmm?" "Oh, hey,not the dark side of the moon." "I might want to borrow that one." "It's way too small for you." "Uh, yeah.That's why I like it." "Whatever." "Hey,I was just teasing." "That's what sisters do,you know?" "They borrow clothes,talk about boys, conspire against the parental units..." "You know, it's not gonna be any fun here without you." "Was it fun before?" "Hmm, true." "But, hey, you're not gonna have that problem anymore living with your dad." "Sure." "It'll be a hoot." "Like taking kafkato the third street promenade." "You're noteven excited a little bit?" "I suppose." "Well, shit,I would be stoked." "'Cause your dad, I mean,he's a riot." "He's totally awesome." "I'm not going to live with my dad because it's fun." "I'm going because I have to." "I don't know if you've noticed, but your dad is about to marry my mom." "Yeah, so?" "So it's really happening." "He can't pretend anymore that it's not." "And whatever miraculous thing he thought was going to happen with the writing... you know that thing he'll back home to New York that's is going to be the redemption of the soul?" "obviously that's not happening either" "I guess, I... so, it's official rock both of them" "The death of hope can't even know now the man's got nothing that's not entirely true" "he has got you he should be so lucky" "loved your new novel" "I knew from the first page strange too, like 1987" "I went to this party with Bret Easton Ellis" "I asked him who the good young writer were he showed me that short story of yours" "I have the same feeling when I red it like this person and I are connected somehow like we are gonna do something special together" "Well, I'm just over joy that you saw me in there somewhere" "You're all over it, Pal but listen, I gotta ask, you know?" "since you always intent to write exactly what she know... what's the fucking deal?" "you've done some fucked up shit in your time, but..." "I didn't think you do that not know it what?" "She treat you in doing it?" "I find that hard to believe she was in a book store and she was reading my book you know, like always a great conversation started from me and... she was cute, already going out with the bag, anyway" "I was just right for that moment you know, the self loaded was strong in me that night" "I didn't know she was Bill's daughter and I thought she was in college you know, maybe older" "I was wrong" "Jesus Christ how we get our souls into this one?" "I think for saving me" "Look, I'll do whatever you want me to do, you know" "I'll take it off the counter, you say the word are there offers?" "many oh, let them fuck" "If I say anything, if I do anything about the shit what is not telling, what she's gonna do?" "that's not stopping her for telling Karen... or Bill or Becca fuck the police" "fuck the police" "expecting someone?" "hey let me get that" "good evening ladies ehy" " I should get going - call me later?" " I will - the four seasons" " good night - night" " I'm gonna go to put my stuff there - sure" "I'm sorry about what?" "you won obviously this upset, and" "I don't won a god damn thing" "I hate see you like this...uh ever" "of course, maybe happen after sex with Bill this is smile a small smile, if you smile a little less, I'll take it" "Don't worry mom," "I'll be fine" "I know, that's not you I'm worried about" "I know but first of all, this is not a goodbye" "Just think if that's me at the road with tha band playing if you have the time gigs plus you get a break from my noisy gutar yeah, but I love your noisy gutar" "I would say, you know, take care of her but I think she'd problably gonna take better care of you" "I don't disagree" "Call me if you need anything, okay?" "anything at all" "I love you, honey" "I love you too" "She's highly emotioned, all that one" "All of that ones are" "take a picture at the last longer" "Are you okay?" "You seem depressed you mean more than usual?" "yes..." "I sense this things oh, yeah i'm pitchy" "trust me" "Bill ehy honey, Bill?"