"to a dreadful dynasy of vicious vampire ducks." "The Counts of Duckula!" "Legend has it that these fowl beings can be destroyed... by a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight." "This does not suffice, however... for they may be brought back to life... by means of a sacred rite... that can be performed once a century... when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius!" " Batswing blood." " I'll get it!" "The latest reincarnation did not run according to plan." "Ooh!" "In the heart of Transylvania" "In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah" "There's not a vampire zanier than" "Duckula" "He won't bite beast or man" "'Cause he's a vegetarian" "And things never run to plan for" "Duckula" "If you're lookin' for some fun" "You can always count upon" "The wild and wacky one they call" "Duckula" "Heh heh!" "Count Duckula!" "Heh heh heh!" "Hooray!" "Be warned, dear viewer... this place is the most horrible, the most foul and reeking spot... known to man or beast." "No other place on our lonely planet Earth... compares to this ghastly plot... and I don't mean this episode." "I mean Castle Duckula on a wet Tuesday." "Oh, fory days of rain." "Huh." "Will it ever stop?" "Phew!" "At least it's warmer today." "What does the forecast say?" "Looks like rain." "Enter." "Good morning, sir." "And what's good about it, Igor?" "Oh, it's so ghoulishly gloomy, sir." "Everything's so dismal and dreary." "Even the manacles in the dungeon are rusting nicely, milord." "Ah, carrot juice." "Ohh, hey, just the thing." "That's not carrot juice!" "No, sir." "It's a 1963 Yugoslavian RH Negative." "Oh, well, that's" "Yes, it is a little heady, but a very good year." "Coo-ee!" "Duckypoos!" "Nanny's coming!" "Oh, no." "Quick, Igor, open the" "You know, it's a bit damp in the hall." "Igor, how can we get away from this appalling Transylvanian drizzle?" "Perhaps Spain, milord?" "Spain, huh?" "Do they have any rain there?" "Mainly on the plain." "Oh, well, that won't worry us." "We'll go by castle as usual." "Hey?" "The Duckulas have always found a warm welcome in Spain, sir... at your cousin Don Diego." "A warm welcome." "Friendly kind of guy, huh?" "No, sir." "A pyromaniac." "Oh, he's nothing of the sort, Mr. Igor." "Just likes setting fire to things." "Spain, huh?" "Let's see, now." "Whereabouts is--Oh!" "Boy, it is hot." "Just what we all need." "Pack my broccoli sandwiches, Nanny." "We're off on our holidays." "Oh, I loves holidays." "I'm so happy, I could give you a hug." "No, no, Nanny, please don't touch me." "I've got something highly infectious." "Well, as long as it isn't catching, I don't mind." "This holiday had better be worth it." "If Don Diego is as evil as they say... perhaps some of it will rub off on me." "By the lederhosen of mine great-grandfather... what's that noise?" "Someone is in trouble at Castle Duckula... but I, Doctor Von Goosewing, the great wampire wanquisher... will bring all mine skills into play to save them." "To the castle!" "Good." "OK." "So...we walk from here." "That's not such a bad idea." "Hello?" "What's this?" ""Secret tunnel to Castle Duckula."" "Oh, good." "So we shall enter the castle from the underneath." "Now, what did I do with that wampireometer?" "I know I had it a minute ago." "Gee, you put something down... and next minute-- bang, it's gone." "There it is." "Spain--I can't wait." "Viva Espana, and step on it." "Wonderful Spain." "I can't wait to get out there in that sunshine." "Oh, that's some dusy tunnel." "Hey, hey, you." "You over there." "Have you see a wampire around here?" "Goosewing!" "What are you doing here in Spain?" "Spain?" "Gee, I knew that tunnel was long... but this is ridiculous." "I must have taken a wrong turning back there someplace." "Please excuse me." "I'm so sorry." "Oh, well, no time to waste." "Ah!" "Down to the beach at once." "Smells like Nanny's burnt dinner again." "I wonder what we're having?" "Oh, yes, curtains." "Ooh." "We don't Usually have curtains on a Tuesday." "We usually" "Curtains?" "!" "Help!" "Help in here!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "Help!" "Help!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "Don't worry, my little Duckypoos." "Nanny's here." "She knows what to do." "No, Nanny!" "Nanny, wait." "Not that." "Well, I suppose you have extinguished the flames, Nanny." "Did I?" "Oh, I thought I put them out." "Flooded out again." "I thought we came to Spain to get away from it all." "Who is this who puts out our fun fires?" "Oh, I loves a fun fair." "It's all them roundabouts." "What is she talking about, eh?" "Take no notice, take no notice." "It's just that we--we--we--we-- we forgot to turn right at the roundabout, you see." "And that's why we're here, admiring your really... beautiful boots." "Goodness, goodness, is that the time?" "Come on, you two." "We'll miss the--miss the" " Coconuts." " Coconuts?" "I always miss the coconut on the coconut shy." "The only thing she wouldn't miss is her head." "I would be happy to make arrangements." "How wonderful to grovel before a man of such intellect and sensitiviy." "Igor, I don't really want Nanny without a head." "Why ever not, sir?" "Well, she wouldn't be able to see where she was going." " So, milord?" " Well, she might bump into things." "What are you laughing at?" "I don't like you laughing." "Laughing?" "Laughing?" "We're not laughing." "No, we're smiling noisily at your boots, see?" "Lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely boots." " Lovely." " I ain't very keen on the laces." " Nanny!" " Listen... how would you like to be side salad to a paella?" "Well, I'll talk it over with my friends... and come back to you on that one next week." "Do not try to fool with me." "I am Juan Jose Maria Velasquez Campara Ortega Madella Manana..." "Calamares Instituto Habana Banana Que Paso Su Manos!" "In that case, I'll need a bigger autograph book." "Don't move." "I'll be back in a couple of days, right?" " Wrong." " Wrong?" "You're staying right here in a total daze." " Here." " Si?" "Did you say as you was one umbrella, rubella queue at the bus stop?" "More or less." " Then who's the other one." " Enough of this." "Oh, more than enough of this." "Seize them, bind them, prod them, jab them... and be generally unpleasant to them." " And one last thing." " Yes?" "Do you really like my boots?" "Senores y Senoras, Juniores y Junioras..." "I, Juan Jose Maria" "No, no, no, no." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "I, J.J.M.V.C.O.M.M.C.I.H.B. Q.P.S. Manos... have the honor to present His Honorable Highness" "Excuse me." "The diry, diabolical, dastardly, and disgusting Don Diego." "I really must cut down from fory explosions a day." "It's ruining my health." "Here they are, O Nastiest One-- the trespassing tourists who ruin a perfectly good blaze." "Ah, Don Diego, sir." "May I introduce your Transylvanian cousin, Count Duckula?" "This is Don Diego?" "Count Duckula?" "Why didn't you say so?" "Release them at once." "Take them to the Great Hall." "My humblest apologies, my dear Count Duckula." " You OK now?" " No, I am not, cousin!" "You set fire to my castle." "You must be crazy." "No, no, no." "Only half crazy." "And I think I know which half I'm talking to." "I hope my darling duck is not in danger." "Nanny, I'm missing all the horrible bits." "Quiet, cousin." "Did you hear something?" "No." "They are everywhere, watching me." " All of them are watching you?" " Yes." " All of them?" " Si." "Just because I tall and handsome and brave and good... and kind and wonderful and..." "I happen to chop one or two of the villagers... into tiny little bits now and again... and they dislike me." "You chop them up?" "How many, you know, did you you chop up there?" "Well...well, all of them." "Oh, just--just, you know, just all of them, huh?" "Well, except for the really fat ones." " I save them for tonight." " Tonight?" "Tonight, it's fiesta for all the vampires from all over Spain." "There is music and a finger buffet with a real fingers." "Then... then we chop up a whole village, and there is bingo to follow." "Stop this, stop this!" "Stop this, Don Diego!" "No!" "I cannot let you do this." "Oh, you don't like Bingo." "OK, we play something else." "You choose." "Well, I wouldn't mind playing-- no, listen." "I mean, you cannot chop up the whole village." "It's not right." "I will do anything to stop you." " Anything?" " Anything." "Then tonight, you will fight the most horrible bull in all of Spain" "El Loco." "Who?" "Oh, OK." "Listen, if I fight El Loco, will you let the villagers go?" "I will." "I will..." "let bits of them go." "Let all of them go, or no fight." "I can't even keep the noses?" "No, no noses." "OK, but remember..." "El Loco is the most nasy thing on four legs." "He will rip your body... and rip bits you didn't even know you have." "I'm not afraid of you, Don Diego, or El Loco." "Till tonight, then." "Nanny, Nanny, I'm gonna die!" "Help!" "Help!" "Oh, Mr. Igor." "We can't let anything happen to my little Duckypoos." "I know, Nanny." "We are going to have to think of a plan." "Hey, hey, Fritz." "You know the best way back to Transylvania?" "I believe the subway is very reliable, Doctor." "It's no good, Igor." "I'm going to have to fight this bull." "It's not as if bull fighting were a suitable occupation... for a duck of your standing." "It's not something you can get your teeth into... if you'll excuse the expression." "Say, Sviatoslav, you hear that?" "Count Duckula's going to fight the bull." "He is?" "What do you think will happen, Dimitri?" "The duck's going to quack up." "He'll go down for the count." "His goose is cooked." "It'll be his swan song." "That's enough puns, Dimitri." "Or he won't get much feather in life, either, quill he?" "Dimitri, Dimitri." "Well, I don't think it's right at all." "He'll get his nice cape diry." "And who's going to clean it, I'd like to know?" "You don't want to go around being silly and acting the goat." "Ah, Nanny, that's it!" "Acting the goat." "Or rather, acting the bull." " What do you mean, Igor?" " The Nanny, sir." "We dress her up as the bull, and you fight her." "She's big enough." "Are you saying I'm fat, Mr. Igor?" "Yes, Nanny." "Oh, well, that's all right, then." "Won't they notice, though, Igor?" "Not if you distract them, sir." "You could change into a bat... and sink your teeth into a few young maidens, sir." "Yeah." "Or even better, I could sing." " Oh, no." " Yeah." "Play my banjo, or juggle." "You know, I'm a very good juggler." "Did you say "jugular", sir?" "Oh, I do love a decent jugular." "Maybe I could do all three." "Hey, why not." "Juggle, juggle, juggle." "Come, Nanny." "We must put our plan into action before tonight's fight." "Tonight's f-f-f-fight." "What a wonderful night." "On a night like tonight, I could burn down half of Spain." "Ah, hello." "Are you having a good time?" "Is the blood curdled enough for you?" "Just a second." "There's something familiar about you." "I can't think what it is." "Oh, Master Duckula." "I haven't seen you look so nice... since you had those photographs taken in your romper suit." "Yes that was very embarrassing, Nanny." "Oh, go on with you." "You looked lovely." "Yeah, but, Nanny, I was 17 1/2." "Come, Nanny, time for you to change." "Well, if I must." "But I'm not happy." "The changing room is just here." "Oh, dear, Mr. Igor, I don't like this at all." "Time, sir, for the performance, I'm afraid." "So it is." "Hey, where's Nanny?" "In the changing room, sir." "I'll let her out." "Wow-wowie-wow!" "Nanny, that's a great disguise." "Anyone who didn't know would say you were a real bull." "All right, all right, don't get carried away." "Now, listen, remember-- I do my song first... and then you prance about a bit." "Then I do the juggling, tell a couple of jokes... and, you know, we finish up with just, you know... just a little bit of a fight." "That's us." "That's us, Nanny." "We're on, we're on." "It's our music." "Let's go." "Hey, watch it, Nanny." "Nanny, I'm the star, you know." "Sir, I feel I should point out-- you've got the wrong Nanny." "I mean, bull." "Oh, no." "He's nuttier than I am." "Wait a minute." "Hold this a second." "You're a wampire!" "Of course I am." "We all are." "Want me to bite someone for you?" "Wampires!" "Wampires!" "Quick, Nanny, the young master needs you." "Duckypoos!" "Thank you so much, Nanny." "How thoughtful." "I'm coming, my darling duck!" "It's all right!" "Nanny's here!" "Nanny?" "Nanny coming to help?" "Oh, just a minute." "Who's this?" "It's El Loco!" "Keep still, you monster!" "How am I supposed to do you in... if you won't lie down yet?" "Out of the way, Igor." "I get my hands on you, in two minutes, you're roast beef." "Thank goodness we managed to get rid of that horrid bull." "And if those blood-curdling screams don't curdle your blood... then bully for you." "Good night out there... whatever you are." "If you're feeling..." "Or you're kind of..." "Could be you've met up with" "Duckula" "If your knees go..." "And your teeth go..." "Maybe you've bumped into" "Duckula" "He flies through the night" "Looking for a bite" "But he's back home by daylight" "Duckula" "If you're sort of..." "Or you're a little..." "It's certain you've run into" "Duckula" "If your heart goes..." "Or your mind goes..." "Man, you had a brush with" "Duckula" "So watch out for the..." "Beware of the..." "And pray you'll never meet with" "Duckula" "Count Duckula"