"[Music playing]" "[Water running]" "[Screaming]" "What the fuck do you think you're doing," "You perverted piece of shit?" "MAN:" "Ahh!" "Get the fuck out of here, right now." "Sorry!" "Sorry!" "Sorry!" "It's just, we need to introduce the tit of the week" "And we thought maybe..." "You thought what?" "You fucking worthless, perverted piece of motherfucking crap!" "Get the fuck out of here right now!" "I'll give you fucking tit of the week, all right?" "Fuck off!" "Fuck off!" "Get out or I'll fucking sue your ass." "You, too!" "Who the fuck are you?" "Get out!" "Get out!" "[Interposing voices]" "Get out!" "I'll fucking sue your ass." "[Music]" "[Boing noise]" "Thanks to the stamina and vigor of the modern-day Tromette," "The world is a much safer place for naturalists of every kind." "And speaking of Tromette, why don't we" "Take a moment out right now to check out our tit of the week?" "Popcorn." "Corn." "[Breathes deeply] I love popcorn." "Mmm." "Yes." "[Moans]" "Popcorn." "Oh, I love popping popcorn." "Yes." "Oh." "Ooh, yeah." "[Heavy breathing]" "[Phone ringing]" "(BREATHLESSLY) Hello?" "MAN (ON PHONE):" "Hello, Debbie." "Hey." "Who is this?" "MAN (ON PHONE):" "A friend." "Mmm." "MAN (ON PHONE):" "What're you doing right now?" "Uh, I'm just making some popcorn." "And, um, I'm gonna watch a movie." "MAN (ON PHONE):" "Really?" "Mm-hmm." "MAN (ON PHONE):" "Which one?" "Huh." "I don't know yet." "Something scary." "MAN (ON PHONE):" "You likes scary movies?" "WOMAN:" "Yeah." "Well, some of them, anyway." "MAN (ON PHONE):" "Well, which ones don't you like?" "I really hate those new slasher movies where they hire" "These beautiful TV stars to get hacked up one by one" "By some guy in a $4.99 mask." "I mean, I just don't go in for that super hip," "Ultra-cool, ironic bullshit, you know what I mean?" "MAN (ON PHONE):" "You sound like a tough nut to crack." "Fuckin' A, pal." "MAN (ON PHONE):" "I'll bet I could scare you." "Oh yeah?" "Why don't you try?" "MAN (ON PHONE):" "OK." "Try this on for size." "You're broke." "[Suspenseful music]" "MAN (ON PHONE):" "You heard me." "You're flat broke." "No." "No." "I invested!" "MAN (ON PHONE):" "Oh, yeah." "You invested, all right." "In dot-com companies." "All those profits you thought you" "Had when the stocks were high?" "They didn't exist." "You put your money in a virtual company" "And you end up with a whole lot of virtual money." "You've got nothing." "[Screaming]" "No!" "No!" "This is a mistake." "This is bullshit." "[Sudden silence]" "[Sniffing]" "[Smoke detector beeping]" "Oh, no!" "[Cough] Oh, shit." "[Gasp]" "[Phone ringing]" "[Yelp]" "Listen, asshole..." "MAN (ON PHONE):" "No, you listen to me, you little bitch." "Hang up on me again and I'll gut you like a fish." "Understand?" "Who are you?" "What do you want?" "What do you want?" "Ask [scream]" "[Creaking]" "Who's there?" "I'm calling the police!" "MAN (ON PHONE):" "Don't bother." "They'd be on our side." "[Chuckle] Sorry about this, Debbie." "Nothing personal." "[Chuckle] Strictly business." "Take it all, guys." "No!" "No!" "No, no!" "You fucking, blood-sucking freak!" "I have money." "You can't take my stuff." "Oh." "By the way, Deb?" "[Chuckle]" "[Gasping]" "(CHUCKLING) Thanks, Deb." "You have a nice day. [Chuckle]" "Pfft." "Troma videos." "(MAKING FART NOISE WITH MOUTH) Pfft." "You can keep those." "(CRYING) I'm never answering the phone again." "[Chatter]" "[Inaudible]" "[Music]" "MAN:" "Huah!" "Tromeo, Tromeo, wherefore art thou, Tromeo?" "Cut, cut, cut, cut!" "That was incredible!" "It's a print." "Wha... oh, hello, everyone." "You know, we're here on the set of the new production" "Of Troma's "Tromeo and Juliet."" "And this is the Troma team." "Mr. Michael Herz, the Toxic Avenger," "Sargent Kabuki Man NYPP, and the Tromettes, Debbie and Malvina." "You know, for 20 years, people have been enjoying" "The Troma movies on video." "And now, for the first time, Tromaville Studios" "Is going to make it possible for you" "To get those Troma movies direct from Tromaville," "Thanks to Troma Team Video." "That's right, Lloyd." "And the July release from Troma Team Video is the brand new," "Never-before-on-video "Class of Nuke 'Em High," "Part 3:" "The Good, the Bad, and the Subhumanoid."" "Don't stop there." "Tell them more good news." "Well, not only that... the Troma Team Video is also offering" "A package of 10 wonderful Troma hits," "Including the original "Toxic Avenger,"" ""Troma's War," and h..." "Wait, wait!" "Keep going." "You still haven't told them everything about the Tromaville 10-pack deal." "That's right." "You know, these 10 Troma Film classics come with brand new" "Packaging and introductory material and behind-the-scenes" "Tromabites by Lloyd Kaufman..." "And Michael Herz." "That's right." "But the best is that you can own these 10 Troma movie classics" "For the price of one movie." "Now tell them the most exciting news about the pre-pack." "Well, if you buy "Class of Nuke 'Em High, Part 3"" "And you buy the Tromaville 10-package" "Of Troma-proven hits, you're going" "To get another copy of "The Good, the Bad"," "And the Subhumanoid, Class of Nuke 'Em" ""High Part 3" absolutely free!" "MAN:" "Special pre-pack offer." "Buy one "Class of Nuke 'Em High 3" and one Tromaville 10" "And receiver a free "Class of Nuke 'Em High 3."" "But aren't you forgetting something?" "Yes." "You know, we're gonna make it possible for every video store" "In America to create its own Tromaville profit center," "Because if you get the pre-pack and you get "The Good, the Bad"," ""And the Subhumanoid:" "Class of Nuke 'Em High, Part 3" free," "You're also going to get Troma merchandising" "Kit absolutely free." "Yes, and that merchandising kit contains Tromaville shelf" "Streamers, I-Love-Toxie stickers, 15 glorious stills from Troma classic movies," "And "The Troma Times."" "Now you are about to see highlights of each movie" "Included in the July release." "So don't wait." "Contact your distributor today to place your order." "Let's get Tromatized!" "[Cheering]" "The movie business is unique in that it's both an art" "Form and a business, and that's why a movie studio like Troma" "Is required to have a board of directors." "These are people who are specially" "Trained to make the kind of decisions" "That we artists aren't prepared to make." "Decisions about budgets, about banks," "About philosophy, about stock, leveraged buyouts, god" "Knows what." "But right in here there's a meeting going on" "And we've got permission to go inside," "But you must be very, very quiet." "Let's see what's going on with the... with the Troma" "Board of directors." "We have to be very, very naughty." "Quick, when do the banks open in Geneva?" "ALL: 2:00 AM." "What was the Deutsche Mark selling at yesterday?" "ALL: 1.54." "Current value of Troma Class A?" "ALL: 36 and 5/8." "OK." "Ginger, get on the phone with Hans." "Tell him we need to set up three-way" "With the boys in Tokyo." "Heather, I need spreadsheets and fiscal '91, '92, and '93." "Darlene, do you have any clear nail polish?" "I just broke another one." "ALL:" "Oh, no!" "[Interposing voices]" "Can you tell us anything about the situation?" "Well, Susan, you know we can't discuss the case." "But a male suspect named... [laughs]" "Officer Ressler, Susan Wonton, Action..." "[Laughter]" "Can you tell us anything about this situation?" "Well, Susan, we cannot discuss this case, as you know." "[Laughter]" "Susan Wonton, Action 69 News, Tromaville." "Can you tell us anything about the situation?" "Now, Susan, you know we cannot discuss the case," "But I can tell you that there's a suspect" "Named Guruse who has led a female hostage into a gang..." "[Laughter]" "Susan, I can categorically say you" "Look great in that trench coat." "Where'd you get it?" "Waffles Are Us." "That's in Little Belgium." "Oh, I'm... that's wonderful." "[Laughter]" "This is live TV." "Fuck, I me..." "I mean..." "I mean fudge." "Now, getting back to the police..." "[Laughter]" "What do you think is going on with the hostage situation?" "[Laughter]" "[Inaudible]" "Braaaaains!" "Oh, OK." "Um, Officer Ressler, uh, now that you're a mindless zombie" "Just shambling around..." "[Laughter]" "Officer Ressler, how do you feel?" "How do you feel?" "Braaaaains." "[Laughter]" "Fuck." "How do you feel right now?" "Tell us how you feel." "Braaaains." "Officer Nessler... er, Ressler..." "Officer," "Ressler how do you feel?" "[Laughter]" "Hi." "My name is Larry McGinley, and I work at Troma Entertainment," "And I'm, uh, new here at Troma." "I edit all the segments for DVDs, and I also, uh," "Manage the DVDs, try to make sure they get out on time." "For the DVD of "Sugar Cookies," I" "Was asked to get in touch with Oliver Stone for an interview." "Oliver Stone associate-produced "Sugar Cookies."" "So I emailed Oliver Stone." "I called his office." "And basically was told that Oliver Stone" "Is very busy editing his movie." "And I told Lloyd this, and he said, no, try again." "Try again." "And he said, basically, that Oliver" "Stone and him were very close." "They grew up together, and they had a very deep friendship." "And so I called the assistant back" "And, uh, told her about the closeness" "Between Oliver Stone and Lloyd." "Because they were so close growing up." "But I..." "I can't stress enough the, uh," "Closeness between Oliver and Lloyd." "It's just to emphasize the closeness..." "The closeness... the closeness..." "And she told me to write another email," "Basically expressing the points that I had discussed with her." "And I did that, and I called back after I sent the email" "And they told me that Oliver Stone was going out" "Of the country again, because he's doing post-production" "For "Alexander."" "And I told Lloyd this, and he said to me, look, Larry." "You need to get an interview with Oliver" "Stone for "Sugar Cookies."" "If you don't, there will be dire consequences." "So I begged." "I fellated." "I did everything humanly possible" "To bring your Larry McGinley's exclusive interview" "With Oliver Stone." "Let's watch." "The truth is, I was not allowed to conduct this interview." "After the persistent calling, Oliver Stone put a restraining" "Order out on me, and I could not do it because it" "Would be considered harassment." "So we flew Troma superstar, Debbie Rochon, out to Alaska," "Where Oliver Stone was staying with his friends," "Yasser Arafat and Fidel Castro." "That's why he's wearing the fur coat that you'll" "See in this interview." "So without further ado, I bring you Debbie Rochon's" "Interview with Oliver Stone." "Enjoy." "[Shivers] Hi, and welcome." "This is Debbie Rochon for Troma, and I'm here in Alaska" "Where it's sunny, it's cold, and there's lots of mass transit..." "And a lot of development, as you can see in the background." "I have got the exclusive interview with Oliver Stone," "And he is sitting right now, as we speak," "With Fidel Castro and Yasser Arafat." "This is history in the making." "Only Troma can provide you with this critical interview," "OK, uh, Mr. Stone, the first question" "Is, why were you always late to be on the set" "For "Sugar Cookies?"" "I'm sorry I'm late for work." "I needed to pick up bird seed for my wife." "[Shivers] OK, Mr. Stone, what did your wife say to you when" "She found out she was pregnant?" "I'm sorry I'm late." "OK, Mr. Stone." "Last question for you, sir." "Why did it take you so long to grant us an interview?" "Well, I had to pick up bird seed for my wife." "OK." "'Bout wraps it up for, uh, Troma Team News." "Thank you very much for doing this interview." "We appreciate it, and, um, hope you enjoy "Sugar Cookies."" "[Music]" "Good news, Lloyd." "I just fixed your Windows XP Professional and wireless LAN." "That's great, Asphyxia." "Hey, Michael, now we can get back on the NAMBLA website!" "Now if she could only help me with my golf swing." "Oh, Michael." "[Laughter] You just are too mu... [laughs]" "Ooh, that will be all, Asphyxia." "Thank you very much, uh..." "Cheap motherfucker. [Laughs]" "Greetings from Tromaville, and welcome to the lovingly" "Recreated, digitally remastered director's cut version" "Of the DVD of "Tales from the Crapper"..." "Julie Strain's "Tales from the Crapper."" "You know, this introduction is gonna" "Be a bit different from how we usually do things" "Around here in Tromaville." "Lloyd and I felt it was time to shed some insight" "Into the turbulent history of Troma Entertainment" "And the long, hard road of bringing" ""Tales from the Crapper" to the big screen." "It's a little-known fact, but when Troma was established" "Many, many, many moons ago, we actually" "Had three founding partners." "Sure, everyone knows of the flamboyant and outgoing" "President of Troma Entertainment and the creator" "Of "The Toxic Adventure," Lloyd Kaufman." "And, even though he remains in the shadows" "And is publicity-averse, everyone knows and loves" "Vice President Michael Herz, who transformed a simple taco stand" "By the sea into the media empire known" "Today as Troma Entertainment." "But few of you know of the third and most silent founding" "Member of the Troma Team..." "[Music]" "Zelda Lipshitz." "She was our Yale classmate and the true creative genius" "Behind Troma's success." "And the mediator and pragmatist of our rag-tag group." "For years, Michael and I argued continually" "About whose dream project we'd make into cinematic reality." "[Chuckles] Oh, ugh." "LLOYD KAUFMAN:" "I wanted to spin a gritty, feminist yarn" "About a big-breasted bimbo cop who must go undercover" "At a sleazy strip bar to catch the topless alien mantis" "Whore who's laying waste to our fair city's perverts." "And I, still pissed off at the high price of my Yale tuition," "Caused my poor family to starve." "Felt we should tell a cautionary tale, dealing" "With the blood-sucking, money-hungry college admission" "Boards with those bastards being represented" "By a trio of big-titted vampire lesbian strippers." "But being a small, struggling, independent movie studio," "Troma only had enough money to finance one motion picture." "On more than one occasion, Lloyd and I" "Nearly came to blows." "LLOYD KAUFMAN:" "But like clockwork, Zelda" "Would intervene with a brilliant compromise," "Continuing a steady flow of financial success" "For the Troma Team." "NARRATOR:" "After the multimillion-dollar success" "Of Troma's "The Girl Who Returned,"" "The net profits were split three ways." "Lloyd squandered his earnings on polyester, perm treatments," "And an extensive toupee collection" "Resulting from too many perms." "Michael's millions went towards the production of his" "Yet-to-be-released country album, "It Herz to Be Me"" "AKA "Chinese Demiracy."" "This left them with little money for their future endeavors." "Fortunately for Troma, Zelda had wisely invested her money," "Enabling them to finance the international smash hit" "And 10-time Academy Award-winning film, "The Battle"" "Of Love's Return," thus allowing Troma" "To survive another decade." "Which leads us to the 1980s, Troma's best and worst era." "It was the decade of the "me" generation," "A credo Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz" "Took quite literally to heart." "Michael embraced the popular fads of the time," "Blowing his money on things like new coke." "Lloyd spent his time with the local Boy Scout chapters" "And liquidated his fund, paying off his legal fees" "For his involvement in the notorious Brinks" "Sperm bank heist of 1984." "P.S., if you don't get by now, we" "Are saying that Lloyd Kaufman is gay... very, very gay." "And, like before, Michael and Lloyd" "Still argued over whose stupid, crappy dream movie" "Would be shot." "In this decade of selfishness, all Zelda" "Could think of was Troma Entertainment," "And how her beloved company could persevere." "It was during this turbulent time" "That she created Troma's flagship" "Franchise, "The Toxic Avenger."" "Yet three decades of dealing with Lloyd" "And Michael's bullshit took a toll on her well being." "She went fucking nuts." "That, and not hiring Madonna for the first turn-on," "And Lloyd's addiction to ladies' footwear," "And my horrifying battle with anorexia" "Finally proved to be too much for Zelda" "And she committed suicide." "[Horn] [scream]" "[Splat]" "Some people say that Zelda killed herself" "Because of the pressure of having to be the peacekeeper" "At Troma Film Studios, but everyone knows women" "Just can't run movie studios." "Look at Sherry Lansing." "And besides, Zelda's suicide note was so forgiving." "She loved us." "All she ever wanted was for us to learn to work together." "But it took her death for us to realize that we are" "Strongest when we compromise." "And that, little Johnny, is how "Tales"" "From the Crapper..." "Julie Strain's Tales" ""From the Crapper" came to be." "You see, we combined our two dream" "Projects into one great film." "Sure, we had to use shitty, cheap," "Digital video with no semblance of a plot," "And resort to cheapo fart jokes and use" "Drunken crews and have absolutely" "No production values..." "Because that's the way Zelda would've" "Wanted us to spend the money intended" "For her funeral and coffin." "So Zelda Lipshitz, wherever you are," ""Julie Strain's Tales from the Crapper" is dedicated to you." "This movie is your legacy." "Now how about that blow job, Skinny?" "You got it, partner." "[Unzipping]" "[Gasping]" "MAN:" "More!" "Faster!" "(SINGING) I like sex and violence..." "MAN:" "Lloyd, oh Lloyd!" "(SINGING) I like blood and guts." "MAN:" "Oh, Lloyd!" "I'm in heaven, Lloyd." "(SINGING) I like the sound of silence" "'Til it drives me totally nuts." "[Interposing voices]" "(SINGING) And every time I come around," "MAN:" "More!" "(SINGING) You better watch your yapper." "How many souls are buried underground, watching" ""Tales from the Crapper?"" "Ah!" "Don't forget the ballsack!" "Ah!" "Ah!" "Ahhhhh!" "Greetings from Tromaville and welcome to the lovingly" "Recreated, digitally remastered, director's cut," "DVD version of..." "MAN:" "That Troma triple beheader of "Bloodspell," "Alien" "Blood," and "Drawing Blood."" "Directed by... oh, excuse me, I gotta sneeze before I" "Tell you who directed it." "Directed by..." "MAN:" "Darren Warren, John Sorensen, and Sergio Lapel." "One of my favorite directors." "How about you, Debbie Rochon?" "Mine, too!" "You know, I've been having difficulty hearing," "Debbie Rochon." "Could you, perhaps, use this to tell me who stars in, uh..." "MAN: "Bloodspell?"" "Tell us who stars in that movie, Debbie." "Well, Lloyd." "MAN:" "Aaron Teach." "Woohoo!" "Oh, that's fascinating because... because..." "MAN:" "Aaron Teach from "Mirror of Death."" "He's my favorite actor." "And who else stars in..." "In, uh, in, uh, in, uh..." "MAN: "Bloodspell."" "[Vomiting]" "MAN:" "Anthony Jenkins!" "Waah!" "Why, that's a great cast, Debbie Rochon." "I... you know, I think that's one of the reasons why... [vomiting]" "MAN:" "The Troma triple beheader of "Bloodspell," "Alien" "Blood," and "Drawing Blood."" "Is my very favorite." "I..." "I just love it." "I love the color and the sound and the... you know," "It's an amazing film." "And I'll tell you another thing, Debbie." "Did you know that..." "MAN: "Alien Blood."" "Was shot entirely on location in..." "MAN:" "England." "And... and another thing is that did you know that the, uh," "It was produced by..." "MAN:" "John Sorensen." "Thank you." "Eh... any more questions, Debbie?" "Uh, I do have a question." "How did they do the thing..." "MAN: in "Bloodspell" where the guy gets set on fire?" "Ah." "That's a very simple question." "That's what makes" "MAN: "Bloodspell."" "My favorite film of the..." "MAN:" "Late '80s." "That period of time is so fascinating." "Well, Debbie Rochon, let's get ready to watch" "The lovingly recreated, digitally remastered," "Director's cut version of..." "The Troma triple beheader of "Bloodspell," "Alien Blood,"" "And "Drawing Blood."" "Let's watch." "[Heavy music]" "I'm having so much fun." "Oh, greetings from Tromaville and welcome" "To the lovingly recreated, digitally remastered," "Director's cut, DVD version of Chris" "Watson's "Slaughter Party."" "And we're having a great party here, aren't we Debbie Rochon?" "Yeah!" "Anyway, Chris Watson, as you may know," "Is the director and creator of the classic movie" ""Zombiegeddon."" "And it's a little-known fact that "Zombiegeddon"" "Is actually a shot-by-shot remake of Spielberg's classic," "Seminal, epic, black-men-on-a-boat movie," ""Amistad."" "And speaking of seminal movies, I made a movie called," ""I Am a Stud."" "I'm having so much fun." "With "Slaughter Party," Chris Watson made" "His own version of Spielberg's "Schindler's List."" "Instead of using Nazis, he used midgets." "Instead of using pretentious black-and-white film," "He uses crappy, digital video... just like this intro!" "I'm having so much fun!" "And instead of using European Jews," "He uses porno Jews, like Adam Seymour" "Butts Glasser and Ron Jeremy." "Wow, there are many famous penises in this movie." "That's right, Lloyd." "But there's one more." "Falissa Rose is in this movie, and if you remember," "She had a penis in "Sleepaway Camp."" "You know, I used to have a penis once," "Uh, but it was a small price to pay" "For this Adonis-like physique." "Thank you, anabolic steroids." "You know, a little blood doping." "Oh, what... what time is it?" "[Growls] How big is the world, Debbie Rochon?" "It's big, baby." "[Interposing voices]" "Oh!" "I'm so juiced up, I could work for Tropicana." "Lloyd, you acted in this movie." "What can you tell us about it?" "Wh..." "I was?" "I acted in this movie?" "You know, I gotta start watching these Troma" "Movies once in a while." "You know, Lloyd, some of us do a little bit more around here" "Than just playing with our cock." "Huh?" "[Chicken noises]" "It's not like I'm clucking things up, Anorexia, right?" "I'm having so much fun!" "So let's watch "Slaughter Party," directed" "By Chris Watson, lovingly made, digitally remastered," "Director's cut DVD." "Let's watch." "Greetings from Tromaville and welcome" "To the lovingly remastered, digitally recreated," "Director's cut, DVD version of Darren Warren's "Mirror"" "Of Death."" "Speaking of the mirror of death, uh, on further reflection," "It has come to my attention that many ugly people who" "Have looked into the mirror of death" "Have... have had horrible tragedies befall them." "We now switch you to Debbie Rochon, roving reporter," "On location to investigate this serious matter of the mirror" "Of death and the ugly people." "Lloyd, I'm standing outside the Troma building right now." "I'm investigating the origins of the mirror of death." "It seems that ever since Troma has released Mirror of Death" "On DVD, ugly people have died after looking in mirrors." "In fact, the Troma Homoland Security Department" "Has put celebrities like Kathie Lee Gifford, Barbra" "Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, and even Camryn Manheim" "On orange alert." "They are not allowed to look into mirrors." "Let's go now to some man in the street interviews" "I conducted earlier." "[Speaking german]" "And now back to you, asshole!" "That is fascinating, Debbie." "Now could give us some more detail" "About that classic movie, Mirror of Death?" "Mirror of Death stars Julie Merrill, who played Woman" "At Bar in episode 2.5 of that famous '90s sitcom," "Herman's Head." "Back to you, head cheese." "And Julie Merrill's performance in that particular episode" "Was almost as seamless and as spotless" "As Troma superstar, Will Keenan's performance in Eternal" "Sunshin of the Spotless Mind." "You hardly even know Will's in the movie." "In fact, you can't even find him in the movie." "That shows you the genius of my brother," "The director, Charlie Kaufman." "OK, biatch." "Back to you." "It also stars Jack Castro, who has" "Been president of The Poseidon Adventure fan club since 1999." "Back to you, fuck head." "That's fascinating, Debbie, but I'm" "President of The Return to the Poseidon Adventure fan club." "Now that's a true classic." "And now Debbie, would you please tell me" "What that crappy, movie, Mario of Death is all about?" "Mirror of Death is about an abused woman who conjures up" "Evil spirits to get revenge on all" "The men who mistreated her, just like you've" "Mistreated me, fuckwad." "You talentless hack, bullshit filmmaker." "Back to you." "That's fascinating, Debbie." "But it's a little known fact, Debbie, that Mirror of Death" "Was going to be one of the great movie franchises." "There was going to be many Mirror of Death movies." "There was going to be Fork of Death, Toothpick of Death," "Dental Floss of Death, Salami of Death," "Doorknob of Deathm A Gunshot in the Head of Death," "And my personal favorite, Dom Deluise" "And the Magic Muffin of Death." "Yes, The Mirror of Death was destined to be the world's" "Greatest film franchise." "Unfortunately, there was a terrible, terrible problem" "In the copyright office because it turns out" "That all those films have already been" "Made by Francis Ford Coppola." "Now back to you, cunt." "Well, shit for brains, Mirror of Death" "Is a very serious movie." "If you break a mirror, you get seven queers bad fuck." "I'm sorry, Debbie, but you're breaking up." "It sounded like you said, seven queers of bad fuck." "Yes, Lloyd." "I did say, seven queers bad fuck." "If you break a mirror, Lloyd, you will get the worst" "Gay gang banging ever." "And your ass will bleed for weeks." "Seven queers bad fuck?" "Oh, Debbie, that sounds horrible." "That sounds just terrible." "That sounds..." "Oh!" "I..." "Oh, I guess I broke the mirror of death." "MAN (OFF SCREEN):" "Are you ready, sailor?" "Because you have seven pink torpedoes" "Aimed at the SS Brown Eye." "What?" "I've never done anything like that before." "Let me just get my whip, and my mask," "And the hot candle wax, and the gerbil." "No, no." "I've got a hamster in here somewhere." "Hold on a sec, where's that hamster?" "Goddammit." "Oh... wha... back to you, Debbie, and hi-ho!" "[Television static]" "OK, boys!" "Come on, now." "This bung hole isn't going to fill itself." "[Farting noises]" "Now where is that hamster?" "Where the hell is that..." "Greetings from Tromaville and welcome" "To the lovingly recreated, digitally" "Mastered director's cut DVD of The Triple Beheader of... what?" "Wait a minute." "What triple beheader?" "I don't even know what I'm..." "I need" "An expert on triple beheaders." "What... oh, my heavens!" "Look who's here!" "Oh, ow, oh!" "Hey, Lloyd." "Why, it's Debbie Rochon." "Debbie Rochon, star of Terror Firmer, Tromeo and Juliet," "The independent screen goddess." "Debbie, what... what..." "Tell us what's up!" "Well, uh, your colon and checks out." "Why, thank you, Debbie Rochon, but we're" "Talking about triple beheaders." "Oh, well, on this DVD, we have Killy Billy Vampire." "My!" "And what else?" "Sucker the Vampire." "And?" "Tainted." "By the way, I do need to check out your taint." "I guess people can enjoy the movies while I go" "And check out your taint." "Hold on." "Why, thank you, Debbie Rochon." "That's fascinating." "At any rate, triple beheader is a..." "[Sucking sounds]" "Three movies on one disk, thank to the miracle" "Psychology of V3 technology." "[Chainsaw buzzing]" "V3 technology is the only technology" "That can produce the highest quality to put" "Three movies on one disk." "It's like... it's not a box set, it's a boxette." "Now Debbie Rochon, what were those movies that are on this?" "Oh, that was, uh, taint-a-riffic!" "By the way, your taints look really good." "Thank you." "Yeah." "You're taint... tainted welcome." "Uh, we have Rockabilly Vampire." "Where is Rockabilly Vampire from?" "Uh, the south?" "No, it's from Taintsilvania." "Oh!" "Sorry!" "And we have Sucker, the Vampire, which, you know," "I'll have to check that out later, too." "And we have Taint." "Tainted, the movie." "Tainted." "Oh, yeah." "Tainted." "Da Vinci was a great tainter, I know." "At any rate, this is Lloyd Kaufman and..." "Debbie Rochon." "And we're pleased to bring you the triple beheader of..." "Tainted." "Let's watch!" "[Banjo music playing]" "Yahoo!" "Yeah, greetings from Tromaville." "And welcome to the lovingly recreated, digitally" "Remastered director's cut DVD of "Ragin' Cajun."" "Now Debbie Rochon, what can you tell us" "About this amazing film, "Ragin' Cajun."" "Well, like many movies from the '90s, from "Home"" "Alone " to " Terminator 2." ""Ragin' Cajun" is about a Vietnam vet kick boxer who" "Becomes a country music singer!" "Only, in "Ragin' Cajun," Troma's terminator is David Heavener." "Wow." "That is fascinating, Debbie Rochon," "But I would like to know, Anorexia," "Could you tell us please, who is the director?" "The style is fascinating." "Definitely." "William Byron Hillman." "Woo!" "William Byron Hillman is not only the director," "But he has three names, just like Mary Kate Olsen," "Only he's not as fat." "Who else, for example?" "There must be some other stars in this wonderful film?" "Yes." "Sam Bottoms, who was in Apocalypse Now." "And let's not forget Samantha Eggers, who was in The Brude." "Well, I like to keep my bottoms in shape" "By starting every day with two delicious eggers" "And some fresh brewed coffee." "You know, I was thinking, Debbie Rochon, while we're" "Having this great hoedown." "You know, I got those airplane tickets." "I'm going to go down to New Orleans, home of Ragin' Cajun" "Because we're getting ready to do Tromance Gone Wild." "Yeah!" "And I'm so excited!" "I was so excited about going down to Mardi Gras," "I bought myself a plane ticket way, way in advance." "And it cost me a lot of money, too." "In fact, it made me into a po'boy." "I think this Ragin' Cajun DVD..." "I think" "It's going to be the biggest thing to hit New Orleans" "Since Katrina and the waves." "MAN (OFF SCREEN):" "Oh!" "[Growling]" "Have you no decency, sir?" "As usual, Lloyd, very bad taste." "Well, what... what are you looking so sore about?" "Katrina and The Waves had a big hit song." "It was called, Walking on Sunshine." "There were people in New Orleans that loved it." "Yeah, it was a big hit!" "New Orleans loved..." "Lloyd!" "Lloyd!" "There was just a big hurricane down in New Orleans" "Called Katrina." "It almost wiped everything out, killed hundreds," "And made the police go looting." "What?" "What?" "Oh, the humanity!" "My ticket's nonrefundable!" "Call FEMA, call The Red Cross, call my travel agent." "Lloyd, you can't joke about the hurricane." "Only politicians can!" "If you can't joke about the hurricane," "Then the terrorists will have won!" "The terrorists didn't create the hurricane, God did!" "Then God is a terrorist and we must bring him down!" "We must kill him!" "Mission accomplished!" "Mission accomplished!" "Hey, bring it on!" "Bring it on!" "We've won!" "Albert Gore!" "You take over, Debbie Rochon!" "Debbie Rochon, take over!" "I've got..." "I've got to take care of these plane tickets." "I want my money back!" "All right." "Well, this DVD, Ragin' Cajun also features Trauma" "System Troma Informercial." "It aired on Comedy Central and it" "Featured that thin guy who tried to pan" "Himself off as Michael Herz." "Now look, you!" "I don't care, you get me the money... you can get someone" "Else to buy my airplane ticket!" "What are you talking about, people don't want" "To go to a city underwater?" "Tourists go to Venice every year!" "Oh!" "Anyway, let's get ready to watch the... the lovingly recreated," "Digitally remastered directors DVD version of William" "Jennings Bryan's classic film, Ragin' Cajun" "Now Debbie Rochon... (IN UNISON) Let's watch!" "Greetings from Tromavile." "This is Debbie Rochon and as some of you may know," "I recently had brain surgery!" "[Groaning]" "But it all worked out!" "[Cheering]" "Yeah, but the bad news is there is some bad news." "My doctors don't think I'm going to make it" "Through this DVD introduction." "[Groaning]" "But..." "But there is good news." "From the same happy accidents of technology," "The same happy accidents where those idiot" "Astronauts were walking around on the moon and they" "Discovered Tang..." "[Cheering]" "Yeah, baby, Tang!" "[Cheering]" "That's right." "When the doctors were rummaging around through my brain," "They found the same type of happy accident." "A new technology, Brain-O-Vision." "[Cheering]" "Yeah!" "It's this groovy new chip that's implanted in your head" "Where you can actually read people's" "Thoughts right on the screen." "That is, if you have a brain." "Hey, Debbie!" "Debbie Rochon!" "Lloyd Kaufman!" "Why, thank you so much for introducing this lovingly" "Recreated, digitally remastered director's" "Cut DVD of the fifth volume of The Best of Troma Dance." "I would have done this introduction myself," "But I'm just so busy." "No problem, Lloyd." "Anything for you." "Did you know that Troma Dance..." "Now did you know that Troma Dance, the only truly" "Independent film festival on the entire planet," "Is celebrating it's 10th anniversary this year?" "Wow, Debbie Rochon, queen of independent cinema, that" "Is terrific!" "And you know, Troma Dance is the only festival where you don't" "Have to pay submission fees." "When you submit your movie, it's free." "It's not like Sundance where they" "Make you pay a lot of money to submit your movie" "And then they don't even give you a fuck you letter." "Yes, Troma Dance is also free." "You can watch the movies for free and there's no VIP policy." "Everyone is equal." "Even Karen Black, who was our big guest, big super guest," "Last year, ate the cold pizza just like everybody else." "It's hard to believe that Troma Dance" "Has been around for 10 years." "If I'm not mistaken, that's an entire decade" "Of real independence in Park City, not fake independence." "And that's because of the Troma fans!" "Wow!" "We love our fans." "That's why we're bringing you the" "Fifth... the fifth big volume of The Best of Troma Dance DVD!" "[Cheering]" "Hey, hey, can we have your autograph?" "Oh, certainly, my young man." "Oh, not you, you fucking old man." "Debbie, can we have your autograph, please?" "Lloyd, can I borrow your pen?" "Thank you." "Right here?" "Yeah." "A little lower?" "Oh, sure." "A little lower." "Um, OK." "Oh, yeah." "Debbie, oh, yes!" "Oh!" "That scar looks so sexy on you." "That's so..." " Oh, the one on my head?" " Yeah." "Thank you." "Yeah, it looks really, really hot." "Let's get read to watch the lovingly recreated, digitally" "Remastered director's cut DVD of The Best" "Of Troma Dance Volume Five." "Let's watch!" "[Music playing]" "[Silly music playing]" "[Dance music playing]" "How are you?" "You made it!" "How are you guys doing?" "Turn the camera off." "Greetings not from Tromaville, but from the luxurious," "All steel and glass Raymond Chandler Pavilion," "Here in sunny Hollywood." "I'm Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Entertainment" "And creator of The Toxic Avenger." "And we're hosting the Debbie Rochon Tribute." "Yes, it's only logical that I should" "Be the host because I'm the one who discovered Debbie Rochon." "You know, one of the reasons Troma is so famous" "Is that we have been the breeding" "Ground, the discoverers of amazing, new talent." "Samuel L. Jackson appears in... in Death by Temptation." "And Kevin Costner's in Sizzle Beach USA." "Robert De Niro's first film is The Wedding Party." "Trey Parker and Matt Stone are in Troma's Cannibal," "The Musical." "But I think our greatest discovery," "Our greatest achievement is bringing" "Forth to the silver screen the talents of Miss Debbie Rochon." "Yes, I immediately noticed her two greatest talents." "Acting..." "[Fog horn blowing]" "And acting." "[Fog horn blowing]" "To tell you the truth, I was blinded" "By the fabulousness of Debbie Rochon" "And I decided to make a major investment." "So I showered her with gold." "LLOYD KAUFMANN (VOICE OVER):" "Oh, Debbie." "You are so talented and beautiful," "I'm going to shower you with gold." "I think you are Troma-riffic." "[1980's music playing]" "I've just been pissed on by a blind, independent movie" "Director!" "Yuck!" "At any rate, I am not the only fan of the award winning Miss" "Rochon and her Golden Globes." "She has legions of loyal fans all over the world" "And we have asked some of them to film themselves" "Paying tribute to her." "For example, in this first one, you're" "Going to observe choreographer Mikhail Baryshnikov." "But what's interesting is he has chosen as his director" "None other than the legendary Russian filmmaker, Andrei" "Tarkovsky." "Note, if you will, how Tarkovsky uses" "The masterful wide shot and never ever cuts to a close up." "You'll also notice that Baryshnikov, who" "Refers to himself now as Debbie's superfan Tim..." "Baryshnikov also has a complete Debbie Rochon" "Collection in his basement, but the brilliant Tarkovsky" "Does not dare to tempt us with closeups of any" "Of the Debbie memorabilia." "Let's watch superfan Tim, aka Mikhail Baryshnikov." "I am here with The Wall's creator, The Buck." "What exactly is The Wall of Rochon?" "Let me tell you there, brother." "The Wall of Rochon, it's the most electrifying wall" "In the world today." "This wall has it all." "But what makes this wall really special" "Is that it's entirely dedicated to the goddess" "Of all that is good and evil, the lovely and talented Debbie" "Rochon." "So why, out of all the people in the entire world," "Would you choose Debbie Rochon?" "Well, that's simple." "Debbie Rochon is the best there is, the best there was," "And the best there ever will be." "She is truly an inspiration." "She's overcome the odds her entire life" "And is still a sweet, kind, caring," "And wonderful human being." "Debbie Rochon truly is one of a kind." "So let's discuss exactly what is on The Wall of Rochon." "We have Scream Queen Illustrated signed" "Trading cards right here." "We have cards from The Santa Claus," "They're from Scream Queens Illustrated also." "They're signed by Debbie Rochon." "Then we have some signed terror cards." "I actually busted a 60 box case." "It took me forever." "I even put the sets together of terror cards" "Just to get Debbie Rochon's autos." "Then if you take a close look, over here, in the corner," "You will see a gold sequin dress." "That dress right there is the exact dress" "You can see Debbie wearing in the movie, Terror Firmer," "At the end of the movie." "It's a very lovely dress." "I am very proud to own it." "If you look in the middle here, you'll" "See a white tank top covered in blood, which is" "Also signed by Debbie Rochon." "And you will also see a blue nurse's" "Scrub, which is also covered in blood" "And signed by Debbie Rochon." "Both of these pieces were worn by the lovely and talented" "Actress in the opening kill seen of the movie," "American Nightmare." "She was great in that movie." "She was a true, true psycho." "And if you look over here, in this corner over here," "You will a lovely jacket." "This jacket is a favorite piece of mine" "Because it was worn by Debbie Rochon" "In the movie, Abducted 2." "But what makes it really special is" "This jacket here was Debbie Rochon's jacket" "Before and after the movie." "It was her personal jacket." "It's an amazing piece." "It really is." "And then if you look down here, you'll see the latest" "Addition to my collection." "These gloves were worn by Debbie Rochon in the movie, Zeppo." "Debbie Rochon actually gave these to me" "As a gift when I met her for the very" "First time at Fangoria Weekend in Chicago, Illinois this year." "It was truly a wonderful event." "And then down here, you will see my DVD collection and" "A few VHSs from Debbie Rochon." "I've only got about 60 total right now," "So I got a ways to go there." "Basically, you'll see others items," "Like the autographed Scream Queens Illustrated magazines," "The B Movie Survival Guide, Debbie's poster" "Book, and some other photos." "But Debbie Rochon truly is an amazing woman." "And I'm truly honored to have this wall right here," "Right in my home, as a tribute to such a wonderful woman." "Wow, Buck." "Seems like you are a really good fan of Debbie Rochon." "Until next time, this is Biff." "See you around the corner." "For our next piece, we called upon the talents" "Of none other than French New Wave director," "Jean-Luc Godard, who, as you know, pioneered the jump cut." "In this particular sequence that pays tribute to Debbie Rochon," "Gerard Depardieu plays the part of Joe the Truckdriver." "And we needed a blank wall for this." "So even though this sequence was filmed on the Champs Elysees" "During The Cannes Film Festival, thanks to those good dream" "Weavers at George Lucas's Skywalker Ranch, $2 million" "Has been invested in the highest state of the art brown screen" "CGI, so that the drab wall that you see behind Joe" "The Truckdriver could be created." "You'd never guess that this sequence wasn't actually shot" "Against a crappy looking wall." "Let's watch!" "It's a little known fact, but during the filming" "Of Andy Warhol's path finding movie, Chelsea Girls," "Featuring Mary Woronov, many of the cast" "Would sit back and watch Debbie Rochon footage." "So when you're watching this archival footage of Fanatic" "Mike watching Debbie Rochon's movie," "Nowhere Man, make sure you watch for the experimental technique" "Of the great Andy Warhol." "Hi." "It's Friday night." "It's movie night." "I'm figuring out what to watch." "That's easy around here." "It's usually a Debbie Rochon film." "Her movies usually give me a lot of entertainment" "From laughing my ass off to getting the ever" "Loving shit scared out of me." "Well, tonight, we're going to try" "And sit down and watch a great film called, Nowhere Man." "One of Debbie's latest movies, very critically acclaimed," "Great all around family film." "If you've seen it, don't give me ending here." "I want to find for myself." "It's taking me enough courage just" "To try and even get to watch a movie like this" "Because frankly, getting my penis" "Cut off, or watching a man's penis cut off" "Gives me the shivers." "I'm going to sit back and start the film." "[Music playing from TV]" "DEBBIE ROCHON (FROM TV):" "Look, I know how they [inaudible]" "Money people." "He took it out." "I'd never seen one before." "ACTOR (FROM TV):" "Are you kidding, [inaudible]?" "You're fucking beautiful." "You're perfect for this." "LLOYD KAUFMANN (FROM TV):" "It seems to me" "That your penis was severed in the base" "By an extremely sharp instrument." "Scissors." "Sounds very logical." "Now the bulba cavinosus muscle over here," "It's been totally removed." "And the corpus spongiosum, which in layman" "Would be the erectile tissue, it is... it's gone." "So what we did was we folded over the skin" "And we inserted the catheter." "Hopefully, you can urinate without" "Too much pain in the near term and... there may be..." "God, a catheter." "LLOYD KAUFMANN (FROM TV):" "Some psychological..." "[Moaning from TV]" "He's so pissed, he's watching the whole thing!" "Oh, shit." "Oh, she's going to chew it!" "Oh!" "Think the tape is done." "Now American treasure, Robert Altman," "Is noted for his incredible, revolutionary use of sound." "By using the overlapping dialogue of the myriad" "Of characters he deals with, he creates" "These incredible soundscapes, which capture our imagination," "And compel us to listen very carefully," "And to know the inner soul of all his characters." "Now in this particular sequence, we're" "Going to meet Elliot Gould, who plays" "The mayor of rock and roll and Lily Tomlin," "Who is playing Debbie Rochon." "They get together to perform some amazing sound" "Exercises in fan convention." "Let's watch." "I think Sal could do my..." "I'm staying out of this part." "Sal could do my part for me because he's paler." " Yes!" " OK." "Watch." "You ready?" "Yes, go!" "Lloyd, I think we should go now!" "[Inaudible]" "Lloyd!" "Lloyd!" "[Screaming]" "Lloyd, I think we should go now!" "That is... sadly, that is a perfect, uh..." "Imitation?" "Impression?" "Imitation... impression of me." "Yes." "That was me being Debbie Rochon." "And look, it's George!" "And look at George, who is..." "Who can tell you a quote" "From American Nightmare." "If you can, a quote from American Nightmare." "SAL (OFF SCREEN):" "Uh oh." "My game and I'll play by my rules!" "Wow!" "That's good!" "And look, it's [inaudible]!" "And I can tell you right now exactly what" "[Inaudible] is a Godzilla expert." "Sorry!" "And as a matter of fact, he probably bought something" "He can show you right now." "Sure." "See!" "GEORGE (OFF SCREEN):" "And don't forget to buy a grave digger!" "Remember, um, the sports guys on television?" "Like, limited edition!" "Now who can resist the irresistible" "And wacky filmmaking style of Scandinavian pioneer, Lars Von" "Trier." "Yes, that Danish cheese cake has brought you" "An incredible sequence using his famous Dogpile95 method" "Of filmmaking in his native language, entitled..." "[Speaking fake danish]" "Let's watch!" "I've actually know Debbie since 2000." "We met through a mutual friend of ours, Dick Culpa." "Dick was the then owner and publisher of Crack Magazine." "And I was working for him as Crack's webmaster," "One of its contributing writers, artists and editors." "And Debbie had signed on to be a character called Miss Cracked." "Anybody that's familiar with the magazine" "Would recall Nancy Dickering, she" "Is a Hollywood Reporter type... crack reporter" "Character within the magazine." "And we were going to go ahead and replace her" "With the Miss Crack character." "Now we did do a couple photo shoots with Debbie." "We did do a couple parodies." "In the magazine." "As a matter of fact, I believe it was issue number 357." "We actually did a Toxic Avenger, Citizen Toxi parody." "I actually didn't sign on to be Debbie's webmaster" "Until Halloween of 2002." "During that time, I took the website" "And completely tore it down and redesigned it." "I gave it more of a look of Debbie Rochon." "I gave it more of a horror, more of a Hollywood," "More of a scream queen... more Debbie." "Now Hong Kong filmmaker, Won Kar-Wai," "In his first collaboration with Hong Kong superstar" "Lenny Riefenstahl, has created this" "Incredible Chinese meditation." "Skin talking about Debbie Rochon in cherry blossoms" "Being naked in 72 Troma movies." "Let's watch!" "For celebrating nudity in film." "I'm also the world's number one fan of Debbie Rochon" "And her nudity in film." "Talk about a reason to celebrate," "Actually make that two reasons." "Debbie debuted in the 1981 jail bait" "Classic, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains." "Even then, it was clear that this Utah native" "Radiated pure star power." "And I've got some fabulous stains to prove it!" "Thankfully, has Debbie scaled the heights of B" "Movie stardom, one D cup at a time," "She hooked up with Troma films." "Debbie's nipple to nipple chow down with Jane Jensen" "In the 1996 classic, Tromeo and Juliet... it's" "One of the all time great lesbian scenes." "Forget Shakespearean monologues, this is the Vagina" "Monologues done right." "After Tromeo, Debbie went on to do dazzling nude work" "In the Troma epics, Terror Firmer and Tales" "From the Crapper, as well on Troma's, Edge TV." "This compilation disk brings you the very breast" "Of Debbie's trauma work." "So ease back and dive into the ravaging" "Rackage of Tromaville's reigning Dairy Queen." "And maybe take a cue from The Toxic Avenger" "And keep a mop handy." "To the good parts!" "Well, folks, I'm getting that signal." "That's all that time we have for tonight." "From the Raymond Chandler Pavilion," "It's very clear to see that there" "Are fans all over the world who love Debbie Rochon." "Thanks to the hard work of so many talented people," "We have seen many sides of Miss Debbie Rochon." "I prefer her front side and her backside, of course." "Well, free mummia!" "Free mummia!" "I'm out!" "[Punk music playing]" "What are you doing?" "I'm, uh..." "I'm doing the same thing!" "Ow!" "Fuck you!" "Fuck you!" "[Groaning]" "Oh, that feels good, yes!" "Nikolai, is that you?" "[Inaudible]." "Man, we've been looking all over for you." "Oh, you have." "I mean... yes, you know, when you've" "Got to go to the bathroom, you just" "Got to go when you're ready." "Oh, I know what you mean." "[Groaning]" "Oh, that's quite a turd you're pinching off there, man." "[Groaning]" "Woah, Nikolai, you know, you ought to think" "About squatting and thrusting." "They do that in Africa." "It really helps the hemorrhoids, you know what I mean?" "[Groaning]" "All right, well I better zip and tuck." "Better zip and tuck." "We got [inaudible] to get out to the session." "You know, your whole crew's looking for you?" "Yes, I..." "I..." "I'm..." "I'll..." "I'll... coming!" "Larry, I need you to sign this, please?" "Oh, now, look, can't Nikolai and I" "Get our business done in private without you bothering us?" "Oh, man!" "Oh, gee whiz!" "I'm sorry!" "Man!" "[Groaning]" "Juliet, if you keep forgetting to turn this off," "You're going to burn down the whole house." "Oh, let it burn." "[Groaning from other room]" "I can't stand the noises, Ness." "Every single night!" "Then don't listen." "[Glass breaking in other room]" "At least tonight, it's not you." "Your other sent me to pick up some clean dresses." "Why would I need dresses since dad" "Never lets me leave the house?" "Oh." "You smell like food." "What'd you make for dinner?" "Well, if you keep missing dinner," "Your parents are going to fire me." "But for the record, roast beef." "Ew." "How many times have I told you that cow's scream on their way" "To the slaughterhouse?" "They know exactly what's going on." "Spare me the vegetarian lecture." "And spare yourself, too." "Soon, you're going to be married to the king cold cuts." "It will all make sense." "You know, I don't know love Linden." "You know, dad forced me to say yes." "I know." "He just wants to get his hands on the Arbuckle's fortune." "I know." "And I don't care." "At least if I marry Linden, I won't have to go back" "In the time out room anymore." "So it doesn't matter if I don't love him," "I really never loved anybody." "Let me ease your pain." "[Music playing]" "That's... there's something." "Sometimes when you touch me, I dream about men." "It's OK to dream." "Not in this house." "Dreams make you die." "Shh." "Saucy girl." "Adventure for such merchandise." "[Moaning]" "Will you be my lawfully wedded..." "[Sad music playing]" "[Doorbell ringing]" "VIRGINIA (OFF SCREEN):" "Who is it?" "BARBARA (OFF SCREEN):" "It's me." "I got the cake." "Thank you." "Mmm." "You did such a good job on this cake, baby." "It's beautiful." "Smells just like a bush." "I spent hours on that bush cake." "I envy that cake." "Oh, Virginia!" "No, no." "What, honey?" "Come on!" "Now you haven't kissed me in days!" "Honey, I'm going back to George." "What?" "What we had was wonderful..." "Was?" "Was!" "Baby, don't do this to me!" "I need you, you need me!" "Come on and kiss me!" "No, no." "Just stop!" "Kiss me!" "Kiss me!" "It's over!" "We're over!" "How could you leave me for a walking dildo!" "George isn't one of the bad guys, Virge." "Oh, yeah?" "Wait until he starts beating you and raping you!" "Virge!" "Virge, look, what happened to you was terrible," "But you have to learn to trust again." "Trust?" "Trust?" "I had the trust fucked out of me a long time ago." "Stop it!" "Yeah, you fucking bitch!" "Stop it!" "No!" "No!" "[Toilet flushing]" "I'm pregnant." "Oh, honey." "That's wonderful." "It's great news." "I'll help you raise her." "It's a boy." "I'll take you to the abortion clinic, baby." "How dare you suggest that I kill my child!" "Barbara!" "Barbara!" "Don't you remember what Valerie said?" "She said that all men are incomplete women." "They're walking abortions, honey." "I mean, this man riddled world doesn't" "Need some more skanky, polluted penises walking around in it." "You have to abort the devil's spawn, baby." "Do it for women!" "I'll help you." "I have a hanger." "Wait, Virginia." "Look, first, why don't you eat my pussy?" "I thought you'd never ask, baby." "[Music playing]" "You like that?" "You like that pussy?" "Is that good?" "[Groaning]" "You fucking bitch!" "You probably have a penis in your pants!" "Mom, I'm home!" "[Organ music playing]" "Mom?" "Mom?" "Gina?" "What's wrong?" "Oh." "Nothing's wrong, honey." "Nothing's wrong." "Just today's the day that you're a woman." "That's all." "I'm proud of you." "Did you buy those pads that I gave you the money for, honey?" "Pads are so last century." "I got these." "Tampons?" "Oh, no!" "They definitely won't do." "Tell me that this is joke!" "But all the girls at school use them!" "All the girls at school are whores!" "OK?" "They're giving walking dildos blow jobs in the stairwells." "That's not you." "That's not my little girl." "I think it's time we had that talk." "You're not a slut." "See, a tampon is a man's way of saying, see, bitch?" "Even when you bleed, I'll be inside you." "Maxi pad..." "A maxi pad is a woman's way of saying, no," "Bastard!" "Uh, uh." "We don't need your skanky cock to clean up our bloody mess." "No!" "We could do it ourselves." "Oh, mom, you are so fucked up with this women's rights shit!" "There's nothing wrong with men!" "What?" "What are you... how dare you talk to me like that!" "Didn't I teach you anything?" "What is wrong with you?" "I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry!" "OK." "I'm sorry." "Mommy has a bit of a temper, OK?" "I just want you to be happy." "Now look, I bought you something." "I should have given it to you a long time ago," "But happy period day." "Come on, open it up!" "OK." "S.C.U.M. Manifesto." "Society for Cutting Up Men by Valerie Solanis." "Mom, what is this?" "You don't know what this is?" "No." "Valerie Solanis?" "This is only the most important document" "That has ever been written." "Do you know who Valerie Salonis was?" "No." "She shot Andy Warhol." "She knew that he, like all other men, were better off dead." "You're a S.C.U.M. now, baby." "What's a S.C.U.M.?" "S.C.U.M. Highlighted this section for you, honey." "Read it." "S.C.U.M. Dominant, secure, self confident, nasty, violent," "Selfish, independent, proud, thrill seeking," "Freewheeling, arrogant females who consider themselves fit" "To rule the universe, who have free will to the limits" "Of this society, and are ready to wheel onto something far" "Beyond what it has to offer." "[Thunder booming]" "[Screaming]" "Mom, this isn't who I am." "I'm not violent, or selfish, or nasty," "And I..." "I don't hate men." "Oh, god." "[Sad music playing]" "You must hate yourself then." "I do!" "I'm a confused goth girl crying for help!" "Can't you see?" "I need you to love me because I'm me!" "I do!" "What if I were a boy?" "You'd want me dead, wouldn't you?" "No!" "I would just cut that penis off!" "You're sick!" "You're sick!" "I can't believe you!" "I love men, mother, get over it!" "I'm one of those girls!" "One of what girls?" "One of those girls who blows walking" "Dildos in the stairwells!" "No!" "Ow!" "You're a S.C.U.M.!" "You're not a tampon loving bitch, you're a S.C.U.M.!" "Moment of truth, mother!" "I'm not a S.C.U.M., I'm a slut!" "[Knocking on door]" "Who's that?" "My latest piece of meat." "Oh, you wouldn't!" "My boyfriend, Bundy!" "Don't hurt him!" "Where's my bitch?" "NARRATOR (OFF SCREEN):" "And now, a word from The Golden Ghouls." "GHOUL (OFF SCREEN): (SINGING) Thank you for being a ghoul." "Travel down the road, clean in my stool." "Your hearts cold blue, you're a corpse in a pile of rot." "And if you threw a funeral, invited everyone you" "[Inaudible], you would see the biggest stiff would be in me" "And the guts attached would say, thank you for being a ghoul!" "NARRATOR (OFF SCREEN):" "For a Bengay old time," "Be sure to watch The Golden Ghouls" "Weeknights at 11:00 and 11:30." "Only on Death Time, television for psycho women." "Your movie's on." "Please!" "Mom, don't kill him!" "I'm not going to kill him, baby." "I'm just going to correct him and cut his dick off!" "Balls right off!" "Please, don't!" "Did I say you could talk to me, you he-male?" "Just don't cut it off!" "Why?" "Why?" "You would look so much better as a woman!" "[Music playing]" "Look at the pretty, little [inaudible]!" "You're crazy!" "I'm crazy because I don't want to see my daughter get hurt?" "Maybe I want to get hurt." "Did you ever think of that?" "Maybe I hate my life so much that I want Bundy to kill me!" "I won't!" "I promise!" "Why do you hate your life, baby?" "I want to die because I..." "I was molested!" "[Gong banging]" "By who?" "Your father?" "[Screaming]" "By uncle John?" "[Screaming]" "Come on over here, Gina." "Let uncle John clean that hairy Gina." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Oh, yeah!" "Oh, yeah!" "[Laughing]" "[Singing]" "You have no clue, do you?" "Oh, this is so good." "This is so good." "Grandma, that was inappropriate." "Shh." "That is our little secret." "Oh, you are so sweet, so innocent." "But you're hurting me." "Hmm." "Let me give you some to try." "It's granny's milk." "It's going to help you." "Try." "[Coughing]" "No." "Say it isn't so." "Yes, it's true." "Grandma molested me!" "And you had no idea because you spent all of your time hating" "Men instead of loving me!" "And now I just want to die." "Oh, baby." "So do I." "What?" "You do?" "But you know what?" "We're going to do it ourselves." "We're not going to fucking let a man do it." "Not a chance!" "Fuck Bundy, OK?" "Fuck you, Bundy." "Fuck him." "I'm never let another man hurt us again." "We're going to kill ourselves." "[Inaudible]" "[Music playing]" "Mom, I'm scared." "I know." "Don't be scared, honey." "Don't be scared." "You'll be fine, OK." "Just take the knife." "GINA (OFF SCREEN):" "Oh my god!" "Take it, baby." "Do it." "Come on, baby." "Come on!" "Squirt it!" "Yes!" "Come on!" "Cut!" "Deeper!" "Deeper!" "Deeper!" "Deeper!" "Deeper, baby, deeper!" "Yes, yes!" "Deep!" "Let's squirt him in the face." "You are some sick bitches." "Oh, yeah?" "Eat this, motherfucker!" "We're not sick, Bundy, we're women." "We're women." "We're women!" "[Screaming]" "We're women, say it with me, honey!" "(IN UNISON) We're women!" "We're women!" "We're women!" "Women!" "[Music playing]" "VIRGINIA (OFF SCREEN):" "(WHISPERING) We're women." "[Music playing]" "Get the fuck out of here right now!"