"Today, two completely segregated schools" " start a new life together." " Get him!" " A baby in his bag." " It's my baby." "We start a rugby team, we get the lads training together." " Integrated." " Give us your sister's number." "Why are you trying so hard to fit in?" "So you're... gay?" "All you can talk about is whether I'm screwing Sadiq." "Who DO you like?" "The new teacher?" "She ain't going to go for it, Nas." "Already has." "Come on." "Did you kiss her or didn't you?" " Oh, my God!" " Missy, shut up!" "Then what?" "She couldn't look me in the eye after that." "Then the trip ended and so did the term, and I didn't think I'd ever see her again." "Then I start here and there she is." "I like her, like, I really like her." "Don't even know what to talk to her about." "She won't talk to me unless it's about ventricles or summat." "Just talk to her." "You know, you say summat, she says summat..." "I know what talking is!" "Well you've no problems then, have you?" "Or you could... ♪ Aa-aa-aah ♪" "♪ Suraj hua maddham ♪" "♪ Chaand jalne laga... ♪" "♪ Aasmaan yeh haai ♪" "♪ Kyoon pighalne laga ♪" "♪ Main thehra raha, zameen chaine lagi ♪" "♪ Dhadka yeh dil, saans thamne lagi... ♪" "I taught her everything she knows." "What's she singing about?" " First loves." " Oh, yeah?" "Who's yours?" "Mrs Baxter." "She was a head teacher in the primary school." "Nicely dodged." " No time like the present." " No Missy, I don't..." " I don't know." " Go!" "Go!" "Hi." "Uhm..." "Hey." "How... how was your summer?" "Did you go to the festival in the end?" "Yeah." "It was ace." "You'd have loved it." "I, ah, I checked out that band you were telling me about." "They're really cool." "They're playing Leeds soon." " Really?" " Yeah." "Get out the way!" "Oh, sorry." "What's the matter with you?" "I'll bang your bloody heads together!" "He pushed in!" "Whites privilege, innit?" " Always trying to oppress a brother." " Hey!" "Get a grip, this is Ackley Bridge, not South LA." "You listen to her and get to back." "Get to back!" "Go!" "I was only getting a muffin." "You should go on Jeremy Kyle." " You'd be perfect for that show." " No, you should." "Episode could be called, "My mother abandoned me as a child"." "Touché." " All right, girls?" " Hey, Cory." "He's a dog." "He'll go for anything him." "I'm not looking to marry him, Raz." "Whatever!" "Did she actually say," ""They're playing Leeds soon"?" "Nas!" "She was asking you out!" "Don't be daft, she's me teacher." "A teacher that you kissed." "And from the way she were looking at you..." "I mean, it's never going to happen, is it?" "She's not that much older than us, Nas." "You're just two ordinary girls with the hots for each other." "Just look her in the eye." "Be confident." "Say, "I'll see you there."" "Anjee." "Huh?" "I'm coming right now." "I'm a bit busy, actually." "It's about the rugby team." "It could be the answer to our problems." "Well, look at 'em." "They're getting on all right in lessons, but as soon as the bell goes, they split." "I think rugby might just do the trick." " Has anyone signed up, yet?" " No, but I've got a plan." "Do you think Sadiq would stump up the cash for a team strip?" "Yeah, I think he could stretch to that." "All right, I'll ask him this evening at dinner." "Oh, do, ah, do we have to go?" "Can we cancel that?" "You've got to schmooze, it's part of the job." "Hello, uhm, yes, I..." "I dropped a bracelet in one of your rooms." "I was just wondering if anyone had found it." "Nawaz." "The, ah, the room was booked under the name of Nawaz." "You going to come then or what?" "What, rugby?" " Nah." " Scared you might get hurt?" " Lightweight." " I've got to look after this face, haven't I?" " What the...?" " I knew it!" " Caught on, have we, gay boy?" "!" " You're out of order!" "YOU'RE out of order!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "What's the problem, eh?" "Hey, get back to class." "Go on, back to class." "What's going on?" "No?" "Fair enough, you're both in the rugby team." " Rugby?" " Yeah." "But, Sir, I'm a footballer!" "Well, you can both be in isolation, if you prefer." "Six down, eight to go." "Bye, Sir." "Have yourselves a lovely afternoon." " Freak." " Oi!" "You three." "Detention." " What?" " Tomorrow." "Bring your rugby boots." "Come on, Jordan, you're going to be late for class, kid." "No, Sir, it's uhm... it's Jamie." "I'm not baby-sitting, if that's what you're after." "Candice won't let me see him." "Well, what's your dad say?" "Still reckons kid's not mine." "How fast can you run?" "What do you mean?" "If you come to rugby," "I'll help you out with Jamie." "Deal?" "Pataya." "What you doing back?" "!" "What way is that to greet your husband?" "Close the deal." "The gig!" " No, Missy, I can't." " You can." " I can't." " You can." "Go!" "Hi." "Oh, hey." "So about the gig," " you were saying about." " Oh, yeah," "I've got a flyer in here somewhere." "Er, just..." "How do you ever find anything in that bag?" "Oh, I know, don't judge me." "There." "They're playing the Specials Bar on the 21st." "Have you been?" " Yeah." "Once or twice." " It's a great venue." "Support from Unicorn Flaps." "Whoever they are." "Well, I'll see you there." "See?" "I told you she were asking you out!" "Why are you back three months early?" "Have you heard of a phone?" "What's going on, Iqbal?" "The business has taken a nosedive." " Huh?" " I kept putting off telling you cos I thought we might turn a corner, but..." "Dad!" "Dad!" "You, too, princess." "And there's my grown-up girl." "I thought you weren't coming back for months." "Well, I was missing you lot, wasn't I?" "Six months is a long time." "This were in Sindh, down south." "Lots of desert." "Lots of old forts and palaces." "Who's that?" "Just some lad from the village." "But, Dad, he's in all the pictures." "Yeah, it's his real son, Saleem!" "Dad's only come here to tell you you're adopted!" "Shut up, you!" "Oh, there he is." " And again." " okay, homework." "Upstairs." "Chel!" " Oh, Mum, but Dad's just..." " Chel!" "Chel!" ""Just some lad from the village," huh?" "Think I'm born yesterday and bloody daft?" "You've always known this were coming." "We talked about it when she were a kid." "That were bloody 16 year ago!" " And now it's time." " Over my dead body." "Life is different now, innit?" "Nasreen has a good education." "You think I want to send her back to Pakistan, to marry some bloody pendu donkey from village?" "All I'm saying is, he's got a good future." "You're not doing this." "She's grown up here." "Pakistan means nothing to her." "I don't understand why you're so against it." "We did it." "And look at what I bloody ended up with, huh?" "I don't want the same for my daughter!" "Oh, my Lord, look at the size of his gaff!" "I thought it was just us?" "!" "You okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah, just uhm..." "Just not in the mood for making conversation, you know." "All right, listen." "Just go like this if you're, if you're okay and want to stay." "And then you go like this if you ah, want to get ready to leave." "This one's self explanatory." "Soon as I see that, we'll go." "Okay, thanks." "Come on." "Oh." "This is..." "This is great, Farida." "Oh, thank you, would you like some juice?" "Oh, no, I better not it's a..." "It's a school night." "So uhm, what do you do?" "Do you work?" "Uhm, I do the accounts for Sadiq." "I gave up my full time job when I had the kids." "It's a bit old-fashioned, but what's the point of having kids if you're not going to take care of them, right?" "What about ah, you two?" "Are you planning on...?" "Kids?" "No." "Not me." "I've just never wanted them, so..." "Er, well, I have." "Actually, I've got a little boy." "I didn't know that." "Er, you looking forward to rugby practise, Riz?" "Yeah." " That's great." " You're playing Rugby!" "Yeah, he signed up today, didn't you?" " Coerced more like, but..." " Excuse me." "Isn't that dangerous?" "Scared he might hurt his pwetty face?" " Shut up, you." " Nonsense." "I love rugby, grew up on the great Wigan team of the '80s." " Martin..." " Chariots of fire." " You all right?" " No, this is awful." "Your wife in there, Steve." "It's fine." "You're terrible." "Am I?" "We should go." " Do you think Dad will come home tonight?" " I don't know." "Why did they argue this time?" "Are you all right?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Goodnight." "How are you finding the new school?" "It's okay." "Got yourself a girlfriend yet?" "I know what goes on, son." "Just don't let it become a distraction, all right?" "You've got to learn to compartmentalise." "Work, play, home." " We're going to be late!" " I know." "Great news about the rugby team." "You're going to need some boots, aren't you?" "Get a good pair." "Let me know how much you need." "Right, come on." "I've got a busy morning." "What did your mum say?" "Over her dead body." "Then Dad just stormed out." "Was the guy fit?" " He was wearing loafers." " Oh!" "Your mum won't let it happen." " Oh, my God, unless he kidnaps you?" "!" " You're not helping." "Give it up." "Okay, once you've identified the coronary arteries, then you can start to run water into the heart." "Er, you freak." "How are you getting on Alya?" "I'm not gay!" "Sure, that's why you gave me your own number instead of your sister's." "I'd never give anyone my sister's number!" " So why didn't you just say that then?" " Because." "Because you're gay." "Miss, Uhm..." "Can I talk to you after class?" "Sure." "Look, I'm not gay." "Right?" "I'm a virgin." "I just wanted to know how a lad like you gets all these girls." "Swear down?" "!" "Well you, my friend, have come to the right man." "One hour, one bloody hour." "I cook it quicker wi' bloody hairdryer." "I'll try and get someone to have a look at it today, love." "Today's no good." "What do I bloody cook for bloody kids to eat?" "Huh?" "Oh, but you painted up this place lovely, eh?" "Very nice!" "But nobody cares about bloody kitchen, do they?" "Husband back, is he?" "Knock yourself out, kid." "He's doing my bloody head in, Lorraine." "When he's not here, everything good and right" " and then he come back again and..." " Oh, take two." "He think he can bloody rule my house." "You're a strong woman, Kaneez." "Stay firm." "More firm than he bloody stays." "No bloody joke to me, I tell you." "So, what's up?" "My... my dad wants me to get married... to someone I've never met... and I didn't know who else to talk to about it." "Okay, uhm..." "He's already got me some lad in Pakistan." " Is he forcing you?" " No!" "No!" "No!" "And my mum's dead against it but..." "I heard them rowing about it last night." "Then, me dad walked out but he hasn't been back since." " Well that's not your fault." " I know, but I feel bad." "My mum can be really harsh with him sometimes." "Sounds like she's sticking up for you." "Uhm, I mean it's not what you want, is it?" "Course it's not what I want." "Uhm..." "Can you talk to them?" "About how you feel?" " They wouldn't understand." " They might surprise you." "No, they won't." "Did you tell your parents?" "In a roundabout way." "My dad's a taxi driver." "He caught me kissing my girlfriend outside King Tut's when I was 17." "And then what did he do?" "Stopped talking to me for a couple of months." "Left the room every time I walked in." "I don't think I could cope with that." "He got over it eventually." "Yeah." "Well..." "My dad would disown me." "So, uhm, so have you had a lot of girlfriends or...?" "I mean no-one's serious enough to really test his mettle... yet." "Yet?" "Nas." "You know we can't do this, right?" "What?" "But..." "You said about the gig and... and..." " we have kissed." " Please don't mention that to anyone." " I thought you liked me." " I do." "But there's no way anything can ever happen between us." "Slugs mating." "Uh, the most disgusting thing I've ever seen." "I can send you the link, if you like." "I know what you need." " Don't say chocolate." " A rebound date." " Need to get you a new girlfriend." " As if my life isn't complicated enough?" "It'll help you get over Lila!" "Missy." "My dad wants me to have an arranged marriage." " Yeah, but you're not going to..." " I just..." "I hate my dad not being there and Mum's trying to act like it's all normal saying "he's in Bradford on business"." "And then it's the thought of him being on his own." "I don't want to upset him any more." "So what you saying?" "I can't date girls, Missy." "Not Lila, not anyone." "How are you ever going to be happy if you can't be yourself?" "You don't get it, do you?" "Girls like me can't be themselves." "Ever!" "Go!" "Come on." "Cory and Riz, each of you pick a team and we'll get a game going." "Come on." "Get back in your line..." "Get back." "I'll just wait till you lot have finished, then, shall I?" " Not playing with no racists." " Zain, shut up." " Who do you think you are?" " Thank you." "Right, the object of the game is to get the ball over the opponents' try line." "You've got six chances." "If you don't manage to do it, it goes to the other team." "Now, you can only pass the ball backwards." " Backwards?" " Backwards, otherwise it would be American football, wouldn't it?" "Football is a gentleman's game played by thugs." "Rugby is a thug's game played by gentlemen." "Behave like gentlemen... gentlemen." "By that, Sir means, no punching... no stamping, no pulling of hair, no gouging." " No biting." " No biting." "But everything else is fair game." "Go." "All right." "All right." "Right." "Right." "We're going to mix these teams up, now." "Riz, take half of Cory's." "Cory, take half of Riz's." "Mo, take your bib off." "Zain, bib off." " Stay with me." " Pass, pass..." "To Jordan!" "Pass to Jordan now!" "Jordan, run!" "Yes!" "Let's have him up lads let's have him up, one, two, three..." "Whey!" "Three cheers for Jordan." " Hip hip." " Hooray!" " Hip hip." " Hooray!" " Hip hip." " Hooray!" "That was great." "You got them all playing together." " Yeah, it was all right, wasn't it?" " Yeah, more than." " Good work, Steve." " Yeah, well, there's a, there's a way to go yet, but we'll get there." " Well, look sharp." "I've got us a game." " What?" "They, they're not ready." "Well, they're going to have to be..." "Gary Williams from the grammar school was bad mouthing our lads, so I was going to chin him, but the mayor was there so" "I challenged him to a game instead." "Get us ready for a winner, school's reputation's on the line." "Listen, do you, uhm..." "Do you fancy tea somewhere nice tomorrow night?" "My treat." "I can't, I can't, I've got too much paperwork to do." "But there is talk of staff karaoke, so..." "What, you're going to miss that?" "And deprive them of your Copacabana?" "Yeah, well, I think they'll live." "But you should go." "You should." "You deserve a big night out." "Why don't you just come with me, Mand?" "Come on, it's been ages since we went out and had a laugh." "Yeah, I know." "I will." "I will." "Soon, I promise." "Come on, lads, hurry up." "Come on." "Hey look, your boyfriend's coming over." "Oh, my God, he's looking!" "Oi." "Yeah, you." "What's this about you wanting to ask me out?" "Who told you?" " Is it true?" " So what if it is?" "Well, why don't you ask me and see what I say?" "All right, do you want to go out some time?" "No." "What?" "Do you think you can just see a girl you like and pick her out like a pair of trainers?" "You don't even know me." "You didn't even ask me, you asked my brother." "How about you ask me when you grow up?" "Good on you, girl." "He ain't even that buff, anyway." "Oh, my God, Alya!" "You've just turned down Cory Wilson." "Yeah, well, he would have to try a lot harder if he was really interested." "Yeah, thanks for dropping me in it there, mate." "I never said nothing!" "Yeah, then who did?" "You gotta admit, though." "You got burnt, didn't yer?" "What was that, you thought you could get any girl?" " Yeah, you just wait and see, mate." " Yeah." " Yeah." " You just wait and see." "Oi." "Watch and learn, loser." "You all right, London." "You enjoy the game?" "Um..." " I didn't see it." "I was in detention." " Oh what's the matter, don't you like watching lads getting sweaty?" "No, I'm only kidding." "What you doing tomorrow night, after school?" "Not much." "You want to go out?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Sweet." "All right." "Cool." "Go on, man." "Just do it!" "Hayley, fancy going out as well?" " Me?" " Go on." "Yeah." "Yeah, all right." "Well done, mate." "Well played today, Jordan." " Thanks, Sir." "Not too bad yourself." " Come here." "Listen, I've had a look into access for you and the first thing you're going to need is a DNA test to prove you're Jamie's dad." "How am I going to get one of those?" "Don't know." "Well, can your dad not stump up for it?" "All right, I'll pay for it, but, listen, I want the money back?" "All right, thanks, Steve." "Mr Bell." "Don't go pushing your luck." "There you are." "Did you not fancy your chances at rugby?" "No, I pulled my adductor." "Oh, lucky you." "Is she fit?" "Oh, come on, Sami, where's your sense of humour?" "Cory Wilson... pack it in!" "Sorry, miss." "Look, can we, ah, talk at some point?" "Do you want to grab a bite." "Tomorrow?" "I'll tell you what, we'll do Crunchies, for old time's sake." "Crunchies it is." " Hey." " Hey." " You're looking pleased with yourself." " Got myself a hot date." "Watch this space." " Ready?" " Yes." " Come on, then, babe." " Yep." " Where they taking yer?" " Didn't say." "Make sure it's somewhere decent." "Greggs." "And not the rec with a can of cider so they can Cop a feel." " Watch that Cory." " I'm going with Riz." "He's nice." "And he's loaded." "Yeah, well, they're all the same." "Apart from Nas's fiancé." "He's a prince in loafers." "You getting married, love?" "Oh, congratulations." "No, Nana, I'm not getting married." "It's just Missy being a bit of a div, that's all." "Oh!" " What are you like?" " Oh!" "Sorry, Hayley." "It's all right, I'll go get another." "'Spose you can ruin as many tops as you want when you marry moneybags." "Please!" "Stop going on about that!" "I'm not the one making you do it." "No one's making me do anything." "Your dad's chilled, is he?" "Letting you do what you want, he's all right with you fancying girls?" "I kissed a girl once." "Sharon Saunders." "Oh, her breath was so sweet and to this day" "I still can't suck on a Murray Mint without thinking of her." "Ooh!" " Don't do anything you don't want to do." " Yeah." "Yeah." "We're going out." " This place." " A gay club." "That's not really my thing, is it, Missy?" "More your thing than marrying some fella." " I'm not marrying him!" " So why haven't you told your dad that?" "Cos if you tell him, you'd have to admit the truth, in't that right?" "No, it's..." "Oh..." "It's me dad's business, it's gone bust." " So at least if I marry this guy..." " Stop making excuses!" "I know you, Nas." "Better than you know yourself." "It's not about your dad's business, it's about you not facing up to who you are." "Remember in primary school?" "The Christmas Show?" "We worked out that dance routine to Girls Aloud only you chickened out at the last minute and I had to do it... on my own." "I know, and you won." "You couldn't speak to me for a whole week, you were so gutted." "Don't make the same mistake again." " Don't be a coward, Nas." " I'm not like you, Missy!" "I didn't want to do that stupid dance routine." "And I don't want to go to a gay club!" "There's a train to Leeds at 7.30." "I'll be at top of the ginnel at seven." "Be there, I'll give you bloody tuppa!" "He didn't even ID us." "Hello, fitties." "Follow my lead, bro." "All right, London?" "Looking good." "Nice jacket." "Nice, ah..." " Your face looks nice." " Shut up!" "What we doing, then, guys?" "Well, thought we could start with some cider down the rec," " take it from there?" " What goes on at the rec, then?" "Oh, you know." "What happens at the rec, stays at the rec." "No, don't think about it." "Cos I'm not going." "Give us a sec." " What's wrong with you?" " They only want to go for one reason." " Yeah, and?" " And is that all you're up for?" "What's wrong with that?" "He's hot." "Up to you." "But I think I'm worth more than a can of cider." "You're such a baby." "Everything all right?" "It's past Hayley's bedtime." " Do you need someone to take you home?" " Whatever." " It's all right, Hayley." "I'll take you home." " No!" "Not you, either." "I don't think so." "Stupid slag!" " Wuss puss!" " Oh!" "Nice one." " I didn't do anything." " Give us those." "Where have you been hiding?" "Kaneez, come on..." "You been at your brother's?" "Tell 'im I'm a bad wife cos I don't won't to sell my daughter?" "I'm not going to force Nas into doing something she doesn't want." "But this could be good for her." "You happy with this?" "A damp house in Ackley Bridge, struggling to make ends meet every month?" "We wouldn't have to struggle if you could provide!" "They're loaded, Kaneez, she'll be set up for life." "Big house, sunshine all year round." "Won't do us any harm, but I'm thinking of her." "Oh, you've got it all worked out, haven't you?" "Just stop it!" "I don't want the two of you fighting over me." "That's the last thing I want." "Tell her what you do want." "Let her hear it from her uba." "No, I know what this is about." "I heard you fighting the other day." "That's why she's not eaten all week." "You happy now?" "I didn't mean to upset you, sweetheart." "He thought it would be a nice surprise!" " Mum, please." " All I'm asking is that you come to Pakistan and you meet this guy." " Say no." " We could all go." "Family holiday, we're due a visit, not been back since you were three." "You'd only speak Punjabi, do you remember?" "Refused to wear your jeans, said you wanted to be a proper Pakistani girl." "I'd never hurt you... never make you do anything you didn't want." "Please, Nas." "Let me think about it." "Oi, look." "Oi!" "Is that what you're wearing?" "No, I told them I was baby-sitting." "So I'll just get ready at the station." "Come on, we're going to be late!" "I thought you weren't coming!" "I just needed to get out." " How much?" " Ta." " Thanks." " Hang on is that...?" "Mo." "Empty your pockets." "You're not in school now, Sir." "Empty your pockets." "You ain't the feds, Sir." "Trying to impress your goree girlfriend?" "You can wipe that smile off your face." "What you playing at, Mo?" " You shouldn't be round here, Miss." " Excuse me?" "Do you think I'm stupid?" "I know who was in that car." "If you want to get involved with people like that, it ain't going to end well for you." "Don't be fronting on me like you're some hard man." "My dad's already told me about you." "You all right, love?" "Stupid cow!" "Hey!" "Don't you get fresh with me, young lady." "Not you, Nana!" "Chloe." "She only wanted me to go down there so she could get with Cory and then she tried to make me look bad cos I wouldn't go down rec with them." "Well, that's southerners for you:" "Selfish." "I thought we were friends." "She can forget it." "Me and her..." " unfriended." " Never mind." " Have a custard cream." " Thanks, Nana." "You want to go easy on that." " You having some?" " No, thanks." " Still a wuss?" " Yup." "Look, uhm..." "I haven't been honest with you." "I mean, I haven't even told you why I went inside." "I used to deal drugs." "Making money." "I didn't care, wasted half the time." "Racing around in stupid cars." "And one night I went through a... red light and..." "I hit a woman and a six-year-old." "I was lucky that they survived." "I went to... went to prison and had a breakdown." "That's what Mo was on about." "I was on the same wing as his dad." "And I met someone." "Inside." "She was a social worker, she used to come in and give us talks." "You know, then I met her again." "When I got out." "You know, she's great." "You know, I mean, the funny thing is I think you'd actually really like her." " I mean, you'll meet her." " I can't wait." " And we're engaged." " Oh." " We're getting married." " Yeah, I know what engaged means." "Why didn't you tell me?" "You've had weeks." "I know." "I'm sorry." "It's just..." "I was enjoying being around you." "Well, that's... that's brilliant, Samir." "I'm really happy for you." " When's the wedding?" " Er." "We haven't set a date." "Well, you better hurry up." "Before she comes to her senses!" "SHE CHUCKLES" "You not tucking in?" "Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" " No, I..." " They've got, ah, breaded mushrooms and chilli-beef nachos." "Look Sadiq, I..." "You and me." "It was a one-off." " It was a mistake and I..." " Look, before you go any further." "You know I've tremendous respect for you, Mandy." "I like you." "I like you a lot." " And I like you a lot, too, but..." " But this, us, it should never have happened." "It's too risky." "Working with Steve and my kids being at the school." "I hope you're not too upset." "It were never meant to be anything serious." "Sorry, it's just..." "Yeah." "That's exactly what I was about to say, so." "Course you were." "♪ I can't fool myself ♪" "♪ I don't want nobody else to ever love you ♪" "♪ You are my shining' star ♪ ♪ My guiding light, my love fantasy ♪" "♪ There's not a minute, hour, day or night that I don't love you ♪" "♪ You're at the top of my list cos I'm always thinkin' of you ♪" "♪ You must have known that I had feelings deep enough to swim in... ♪" "We should do a duet." " Don't Go Breaking My Heart." " I told you, I can't sing." "Can't sing or won't sing?" "Trust me." "Can't." "I'm still not sure about this, Missy." "We're not in Ackley Bridge now, Nas, we can be whatever we want!" " Hey!" "Amazing dress." " This is going to be great!" " Hi." " Hi." "Oh, don't look so scared, girls." "We're very friendly here." "Come on then." "Get yourselves in." "♪ Oh, what fun we had ♪ ♪ But did it really turn out bad?" "♪" "Glasgow's nice." " I like it." " Yeah, you said." "Bet you left a trail of broken hearts up there." "You must be seeing someone, pretty girl like you." " Nope." " What is it, secret lover?" " Husband?" " No." "Uhm, listen." "I'm going to go." "Lots to do tomorrow." " Right." " See ya." "She's single." "I'm well in." "Nice." "♪ Baggy trousers ♪" "♪ Baggy trousers ♪" "♪ Baggy trousers ♪" "♪ Baggy trousers. ♪" "Woo!" "♪ Baggy trousers. ♪" "Come on then, who do you fancy?" "Her?" "That one." "Oh, my God, her!" "Don't worry, I'll do the talking." "She's straight." "Here on a hen do." "Come on!" "No, Missy, I think I'm going to go outside and get some fresh air." "Oh, all right." "Are you sure?" " You go..." " I love this song!" "Not tonight." "I'd just come out for some fresh air." "We're full." " Please." " Listen, love, forget it." "Nas?" "Hi!" "What are you doing here?" "No, I think you've mistaken me for somebody else." "Cos my name is Zareena." " Zareena?" " Mm." "Right." "What's your name?" " Uhm..." " It's all right, we're not in Ackley Bridge now, you can be who you want to be." "Uhm..." "Sonali." "Sonali?" "Yeah." "Right." "Well, pleased to meet you, Sonali." "So, Zareena, what do you do, then?" "I am actually an Olympic gold medallist." "Javelin." " Really?" " Mmm." "I am an astronaut." "Yeah." "But I only work two days a week." "The rest of the time I'm..." "I'm writing a novel about cats." "Right!" "How was your night, then, Sonali?" "Karaoke?" "There's this guy, he's nice enough, but he spent the whole night following me around, asking me if I was single." " You?" " I was at this club." "It was all right." "I mean, it was more Missy's thing than mine." "That's why she's still there actually." "Ah, I just spent the whole night wishing I was somewhere else." "Yeah, me too." "Uhm, I'm sorry I have to go." "Just because a girl would go with anyone doesn't mean she isn't worth going with." "Wise words that, bro." "Deep stuff, innit?" "Deep stuff."