"THE SILENCE" "What does that mean?" "I don't know." " What are you looking at?" " Your feet." "Why?" "They walk you around..." "all on their own." "Hadn't we better try to get hold of a doctor?" " Are you cold?" " A little." "The heat's awful." "If I rest now we can go home tomorrow." " Thank goodness!" " I know you want to leave." " Is it stuffy in here?" " well..." "Open the window then." " May I shut the door?" " Of course." " Johan, come here and scrub my back." " I'm coming." "That'II do." "Go wait in the other room." "We're going to take a nap." "Take off your shirt and trousers." "Come here..." "Yes..." "Hand." "Mummy!" "Oh, Johan, do be quiet!" "I told you I want to sleep." "hello, sir." "You're quite tan." " I'm going out." " Wait!" " What is it?" " Nothing." "AII right..." "This is bloody humiliating, I won't stand for it!" "I must keep my head." "I'm known as a IeveI-headed person..." "Dear God, please let me die at home!" "That's better." "I must try and eat something, I feel empty." "How stupid of me to drink on an empty stomach." "Thank you." "Are you hungry?" "You're welcome to have some of my food." "Are you homesick?" "We'II be home on Monday." " May I go to Granny's then?" " Straight away." " How long will I stay there?" " AII summer and next winter, too." "You'II go to school there." " will Mummy come visit me?" " Sure." " And Daddy, too?" " If he has the time." " But he's a busy man." " That's true..." "But there are other nice things." "Horses..." "I'm rather scared of horses." "Is that so?" "well, there are rabbits." "And you can go sailing with uncle Persson." "The water's lovely and green, and so clear you can see the bottom." "Cheer up." "will you be there?" "You can go fishing." " What do you catch?" " Perch." "And sometimes dace." "I've had enough, thank you." "Leave the door open, please." "I'II draw you a nice picture, if you Iike ." "Don't worry, Mummy will be back soon." "And I'm here." "Oh, you're better." "That's good." " What are you doing?" " Working, as you see." "Then mind your own business and don't spy on me." "To think that I've been afraid of you!" "When are we going home?" "This evening, perhaps." " Is Ester going with us, too?" " I don't know." " What's this town called?" " Timoka, I think." "What is that - music?" " I'm all out of cigarettes." " Mine are on the desk." " May I take a couple?" " Sure." "Thank you very much." "The two of you should take the night train home." "We can't leave you Iike this." "I'm not up to travelling yet." "In a few days' time, perhaps..." " What's that music?" " It's Bach." "It's nice." "I'm going out for a while." "I can't stand the heat in here." "I'II be back soon." " Why don't you read to Ester?" "Go, while your conscience lets you." "Run along, there's a good boy." "I want to talk to Anna." " Shan't I read to you?" " Later." " I'II go out in the hallway." " Don't go too far." " Where have you been?" " Out for a walk." " Where did you go?" " Oh, not far." " What a Iong walk." " I didn't want to come back here." " Why not?" " I didn't feel like it." "You're lying." "Do you want to know all the details?" "Just answer my questions." "Remember that winter ten years ago, when we stayed with Father in Lyon?" "I had been with CIaude." "You interrogated me that time, too." "Said you'd tell Father if I didn't give you all the details." "I went to a cinema and sat in a box at the back." "A man and a woman made love right in front of me." "When they were finished, they left." "A man came in, someone I'd met at the bar." "He sat down next to me and started stroking my thighs." "Then we had intercourse on the floor." "That's why my dress got dirty." " Is that true?" " Why would I lie?" "Right, why would you?" " It so happens that I was Iying." " It doesn't matter." "I did watch a couple making love." "Then I went to the bar, and this man left with me." "I didn't know where to go, so we went into a church." "We had intercourse in a dark corner behind some pillars." "It was cooler there." "I see." "This time I'II make sure I get my clothes off first." "Hadn't you better go to bed?" "Sit with me." "Here, on the edge of the bed." "Just for a moment." "Are you going to meet him?" "please don't..." "Not tonight." " It's such torment." " Why is that?" "Because..." "I feel humiliated." "You must think I'm jealous." "I must go now." "You were going to read to me." "You look strange." "How about reading to me now?" "I'II show you my Punch and Judy instead." "help!" "I'm dying!" " What's he saying?" " I don't know." "He's scared, so he talks a funny language." "Can't Punch sing instead?" "Not while he's still angry." "How nice..." "How nice that we don't understand each other." "I wish Ester was dead." "Ester..." "Why are you a translator?" "So that you can read books written in a foreign language." " Do you know this language?" " No, but I've learnt a few words." "Don't forget to write them down for me." "I won't." "Why doesn't Mummy want to be with us?" "Oh, but she does." "No, she leaves whenvever she can." " She's only out walking." " No she isn't." "She's with somebody." "They kissed and kissed." "Then they went into a room." " Are you sure about that?" " I saw them myself." " Have you washed properly?" " No, must I?" "We hoped to enjoy this trip." " But instead..." " I've had great fun." "Mummy's the only one who may touch you, isn't she?" "We love Mummy, you and I." "Do you know what "face" is in this language?" "It's naigo and "hand" is kasi ." "Since she's ill, she wants her own way." "She always finds fault with me." ""What a glutton you are", she says." ""Look at you - you're fat."" ""You need to diet."" "I Iike food." "So would she if she didn't drink so much." "I'm a good driver, though." "Even Ester admits that much." "Are you in there?" "What do you want?" "I need to talk to you." "She's still there." "She's crying." "Where are you?" " What have I done to deserve this?" " Nothing in particular." "It's just that you always harp on your principles and drone on about how important everything is." "But it's nothing more than hot air." "Do you want to know why?" "I'II tell you." "Everything centres around your ego." "You can't live without feeling superior." "Everything must be desperately important and meaningful..." "... and goodness knows what." " How else are we to live?" "I used to believe that you were right." "I tried to be like you, because I admired you." " I didn't realize you disliked me." " That's not true..." "Oh, yes it is." "You always have disliked me, I just haven't realized it before." " And in some way you fear me." " I don't fear you." "I Iove you." "You always talk a Iot about love." "What mustn't I say?" "That Ester feels hatred?" "That's just a silly idea of mine, right?" "You hate me, just like you hate yourself." "Me, and everything that's mine." "You're full of hate." "You're very educated and you've translated so many fancy books can you answer this?" "When Father died, you said:" ""I don't want to go on living."" "So, why are you still around?" "Is it for my sake, or for Johan's?" "For your work, perhaps?" "Or for no reason in particular?" "I'm sure you've got it all wrong." "Don't use that tone of voice!" "Get out!" "Leave me alone!" "Poor Anna." "Why don't you shut up?" "Poor Anna." "Johan and I are going across the street for a bite of food." "We're leaving on the 2 o'cIock train." "This heat is awful." " Goodbye." "I'II be back soon." " Goodbye." "Give me my writing things!" "TO JOHAN" "WORDS IN THE FOREIGN..." "She's been gone an hour, and she took the boy with her!" "erectile tissue..." "It's all a matter of swollen tissue and secretion." "A confession before extreme unction:" "Semen smells nasty to me." "I've a very keen sense of smell and I stank like a rotten fish when I was fertilized." "It's optional." "I wouldn't accept my wretched role." "But now it's too damn lonely." "We try out attitudes, and find them all worthless." "The forces are too strong." "I mean the forces..." "The horrible forces." "You need to watch your step among all the ghosts and memories." "AII this talk..." "There's no need to discuss loneliness." "It's a waste of time." "Give me my writing things." "I'm feeling much better now, Iet me tell you." "Do you know what my condition is called?" "Euphoria." "It was the same with Father." "He would laugh and joke." "Then he would look at me." ""Now it's eternity, Ester", he said." "He was so kind  despite being such a big and heavy man." "He weighed nearly 30 stone." "I wish I'd seen the men who lifted his coffin." "I'm so tired." "No, I don't want to die like this!" "I don't want to suffocate." "Oh, that was horrible." "I'm frightened." "That scared me." "It musn't come back again." "Where's the doctor?" "Must I die all alone?" "Don't be afraid, I'm not going to die." "I'm pulling myself together." "I see." "I've written you a letter, just like I promised." "It's on the floor  if you can find it." "It's important." "You'II understand." "We must hurry, the train leaves in an hour." "Don't be afraid." "Don't be afraid." "Hurry up, Johan, do you hear?" "It's just as well you're leaving." "I didn't ask for your opinion." " What's that?" " Ester wrote me a letter." "May I see it?" ""To Johan, Words in the foreign language."" "How nice of her." "[ Skipped item nr. 268 ]"