"ONTARIO, CANADA" "Today I must leave you, dear Loisl." "Leave our beloved Canadian mountains." "After 40 years." "Forever." "Marie, our darling daughter has sold our house because I can't live here on my own, she says." "I'm moving in with her and her children in the city." "But what will become of my garden and everything else here?" "It breaks my heart." "Farewell, dear Loisl." "I promise you..." "I'll put everything right." "After all, we're all going to Rome together." "To see the Pope." "I'll then finally be able to tell Marie." "I can only hope she'll forgive me." "OMA'S HOUSE, BIGBEARS CREEK" "Good morning, Marie!" "Guys!" "Get down from the goddam truck before you break your necks." " Chill!" "Yeah, don't be such a pussy." "Shut up and get down." "I said NOW." "Hey, careful!" "We're donating this stuff to charity not sending it to the dump!" "Marie, please let us get on with this." "Listen, Mom, we'd like to discuss something with you, that's nothing to do with our Rome trip." "What about our Rome trip?" "It's so boring!" "How long to go?" "As you know our house isn't all that big." "You can live with us, at first anyway..." " Obviously." "Yes, obviously." "It's what we agreed on." "Look." "Jo, it's too hot in here." "Please turn on the AC." "And slow down, Oma will get carsick!" "It's not an old folks' home, it's a multi high-tech thing." "It's one big waiting list." "We were really lucky." "I've already paid the deposit." "Deposit?" "You can go there any time you like." "They will give you a room where no one died." "Your new life will be great, Oma." "MARIE'S HOUSE, WHITEHORSE" "They're so cute!" "...the German School's uniforms." "You must be so proud of your daughter." "I didn't even finish high school." "Reinholt tells me Martina's in Italy?" "Sepp, we are coming!" " Mom!" " Reinholt." " Hello." " You look great." " Mom," " this is Chantal." " Where's Brenda?" "Who's Brenda?" "Chantal!" "Welcome, Chantal." "I asked..." "Chantal to be my wife, and she said yes." "Congratulations!" "And to make it really special we want to get married on your birthday." "Isn't that romantic?" "Great!" "In Rome," " how wonderful." " No!" " Not in Rome, right here." "What, here?" " Yes..." " I don't understand." " Rome's very complicated..." "I know we promised to go but it just won't work." "Jo can't get away, the kids have to go to school, the wedding!" "And then there's the church choir I've entered you in." " Please, no!" "Alright, we really wanted to wait until your birthday, but... never mind, here you are." "It's Pope Benedict!" "What is this?" "A blessing by the Pope himself!" "Where did you get this?" "On the Internet. "Vatican." "Com."" "Great, isn't it?" " I don't think it can be done that way." " Yes, it can." " Certainly not." "It can only be done in person by my Pope," " Benedict from Bavaria, in Rome." " Mom, we can do it some other time." "Maybe for your 80th birthday." " Spaghetti's getting cold!" " Spaghetti!" "Jo!" "She's right in the room beneath us." " I don't want her to hear us having sex." " Catholic guilt feelings turn me on!" "No, no." "Jo, stop it!" "I'll be quick, okay?" "I'm serious!" "You really spoiled it now." "I'm so glad the trip's been cancelled." "She took it really well, didn't she?" "Hey, Frank!" "GONE TO ROME BE BACK IN A WEEK." "OMA" " It's a joke!" " I'm not laughing." "You're joking." "So we could've had sex after all?" " Where did she get the ticket?" " I bought it." "Online." "Are you crazy?" "How did she pay for it?" "With your credit card." "You owe her 220,000 dollars for the house anyway." "Calm down, Mom." "What's the problem?" " She's a grown-up woman." " No." "Oma is not a grown-up woman, she's an old woman." "She has no idea what it's like out there." "It's as if you shoved a little bird out of its nest." "Stop laughing!" "Here we go." "This is the answering machine of the Testino family." "Please leave a message after the beep." "This is a message for Martina." "Martina, this is Mom." "Call me back." "Mobile or house management." "It's an emergency." "No one died..." "There's nothing to worry about." "It's Oma." "She hasn't died, she's fled." "She's probably in the wrong plane by now, or being robbed." "Poor Oma." "All alone." "Sorry." "Please, call me!" "Excuse me?" "When will you finally tell your family?" "There are 50 messages on my answering machine." "I want to answer my own phone again, like anyone else." " Erase them!" "Martina!" "That's Bruno, my drummer." "He left something here yesterday." "Sorry." "Martina!" "Bruno, if you're here to bug me..." "The Testino family?" "Silvio." "No family yet, but I'm working on it." " Shit." " What is it?" "Oh, my God." " Little One, are you crazy?" " That's my granny!" "Shit!" "Baby, calm down!" "She's gonna freak out!" "My Nonna, my grandmother!" "German, Catholic!" " That's your grandmother?" " No!" "Get dressed!" "You're square, how sweet!" "Oma?" "Oma!" "What are you doing here?" "Martina, at last!" " Nonna, enchanté." "Welcome to Italy." " Is he the au-pair kids' dad?" "No!" "I'm fine." "Oh, my little one." "Are you hungry?" "Let's go into town I'll show her the city." "Yes, the Colosseum, Piazza Navona, Piazza di Spagna, the famous steps..." "Tell him to stop." "I don't want to go into town." " Rome is a wonderful city." "I want to lie down, Mr. Silvio." "I'm so exhausted." " I need some sleep." " Oma..." " Capito?" "Sleep!" "Oma, you'll wake up the kids." "Fourteen hours on the plane." "Oma, I need to tell you something." "But promise not to tell Mom, okay?" "Not very talkative, your Nonna." "No one there." "I just don't understand." "Maybe the two of them went out into the country." " I should've known." "She can't deal with Dad's death alone." "We should've done grief work, but instead I sold her house from under her." "Look, my arm's asleep, would you be so nice...?" "It's no wonder she goes berserk and off the rails." "Better than nothing..." "GONE TO WORK." "LOVE, M. FEEL AT HOME" " Two vodkas." " You've had enough." "You're not getting any more." "No way." " She can hear us." " Hang on." "Here in Italy we're all Catholic, but we all make Amore." "Oma's been cleaning up." "What's she done to my paintings?" "This is the most obscene thing I've ever seen!" "Welcome to my family." "Six o'clock in the morning." "Where've you been all this time?" "Don't get angry, but I couldn't bear being with the ultra-Catholic family Mom chose for me, so I got a job and there I met Silvio." "He's a musician." "He's a Catholic, too." "Not like us, but still." "And I could move in with him, you see?" "So why do he and his little butt sleep in the beautiful bed," " while you sleep in that closet?" " It's not that easy to explain." "That closet reminds me of my cabin at your mother's." "I hardly pay anything." "I have to go." "To the Pope." "So Loisl and me will finally have our peace." " Oma?" "Oma!" " Martina, finally!" " Are you hyperventilating?" "No, I'm jogging." " You're what?" " To reduce stress!" "Mom, calm down." " Is Oma with you?" " Sure she is." " Put her on." " No, not right now." "What's the matter with you?" "Why can't I get hold of you?" "This morning someone said you were still in bed." "But you're an early riser!" "Who is that man anyway?" "Martina?" "Shit." "Shit!" " I want some candy!" " We're almost there." "Please, please, please!" " I told you we shouldn't have brought him." "And who would've looked after him?" "Me!" "Give him some candy so he calms down!" " Have you hurt yourself?" " No, no." " I wasn't paying attention." " Sorry, I don't speak Italian." " Where do you want to go?" " To the Pope to get his holy blessing." " This way." "I'll help you." " Thank you." " Please let us go in." " You're cutting in line!" " Let it go." " Is there a problem?" " No." "Excuse me." " Either you or him." "Make up your mind!" " Him!" "Shame on you!" " Sorry to cause you trouble, Signora." " Next!" "The door's open." "It's your turn." "Beautiful woman," " thank you." " Good luck." "I'm not from Italy." " It's the Vatican, you talk to them." " Can't you see I'm busy?" "They're closing in 7 minutes and you speak Italian." " Hola!" " Not Spanish, Italian!" "Hung up." "I really don't understand any of this." "It says here." ""Audience with the Pope."" "Like I said, a "papal audience" doesn't entail a meeting with the Holy Father in person." "That's what's called a "private audience with the Pope."" "Then I'd like one of those." ""Private audiences"" "with our Holy Father are exclusively reserved for dignitaries statesmen, church leaders and super stars, etcetera." "Next Sunday you can see him at the window." "Or this Wednesday during the general audience." "Right," "I'll be here on Wednesday." "Now I really need something to eat." "Do you know a good German or..." "Bavarian restaurant?" "I'm hungry like hell!" "That's just criminal." "What do you want?" "I never even hit you!" "What?" "You went that way, so I..." " I don't believe it!" " Go on foot!" "Stop!" "Wait till I get you!" "Liselotta, I'm coming!" "I'll just sit here." "Personally I think German food isn't even fit for dogs." "I'd like... a Wiener Schnitzel with fried potatoes and "preiselbeeren" plus a wheat beer." "I'm very thirsty." "What's that?" "Schnitzel alla Viennese, eggs over easy, fried potatoes" " and wheat beer." " You call this food?" "It's a crying shame!" "What did I order?" "Wiener Schnitzel with fried potatoes and..." ""preiselbeeren"!" "I don't know what's "preiselbeeren"." "I did my best!" "There!" "I'll cook myself something." "This just won't do." "What the hell?" "What are you doing?" "Are you completely nuts?" "Give it to me, this is my kitchen!" "The only Italians I've met have humiliated and insulted me, and now you want to stop me from cooking something to eat after you've almost poisoned me?" "Right." "Dino!" "Hey, Dino, give me something to eat." "I need some food." "That's fine, thanks." "I'm starving." "What are you doing?" "Cleaning the kitchen while the place is empty?" "Smells great!" "Did you make this?" " When will you finally sell this place?" " You know I can't sell it." "If you don't sell it, you'll ruin me, you do understand that?" "Mom always said, "When you grow up, you'll take over the restaurant."" "I promised her." "So you promised!" "For heaven's sake." "For get about the promise." "This place will ruin us." "You'll just have to tell her." "The idiots won't sell us back the house." " Marie, they've just moved in." " And they call themselves Christians!" "Mom needs a house of her own." "Either we buy her one or..." "you build her one." "Where did they come from?" "From me to you." "Do you know why?" "Oh, no!" "Shit!" " You could've burned down the house!" " Oh, Mom, why don't you leave us alone?" "Really!" "Yes, today's our wedding anniversary." "I didn't forget it." "Hey, Fabrizio!" "Silvio, how are you?" "The stupid machine won't start." "Let me show you something." "Every week she sends me application forms for some university." " But you do want to study?" " I don't know yet." "Your mom wants you to be happy." "I am happy." "Here." "Look." " She wants to put you in a home?" " She wants me to be happy, too." "Oma, you..." "You can't..." "No one wants to put you anywhere." " Well..." "No, really, I love you so much." " That's nice." " Tell her it's normal for a man to sleep with his woman." "If she freaks out start screaming." "What's he saying?" "That you're totally right and you shouldn't take it." "She really bugs me!" "Why don't you tell it to her face, just like that?" "I can't do it, Oma." "Whatever I tell Mom, she always worries." " What's this?" " Pepper spray." " Pepper spray?" " Well, she forced me to buy it." " For me?" "Ridiculous." " Promise to have it at hand, always." " Never!" " Oma..." " No." " Never." "Over my dead body!" " Oma..." "Please!" "We'll both be in trouble." "I'm no longer afraid of your mother." "Not anymore." "Okay, fine." "So tell her." " Call her." " Me?" " Yes." "I can't." " Go on, tell her you won't carry that shit around." "Tell her you think it's stupid." "Tell her also there's no Catholic family, that I work at a rock bar and am shacked up with him!" " What?" "I don't believe it." " It's true." "Shacked up?" " You finally told her!" "I can answer my phone again." "Bravo!" "I don't believe it." "Let her go." " Oma!" " Let go of her!" "Oma, are you crazy?" "I must go see the Pope." "He'll be here any minute." "I've been praying for this moment for years." "Me too." "Could you watch my bag for a minute?" "I'll be right back." " Yes..." "Present here today are the sisters of the Order of Saint Giorgio and the sisters" " of the Order of Saint Angelo." " Excuse me." " You should be ashamed of yourself." " Sit down, you're blocking my sight." "Don't you understand?" "I saw you." "On your little motorbike." "Vespa." "You will go to hell for this." "Heaven and hell are nonsense." "You don't really believe all that?" "My Benedict!" "Oh, God!" "You attacked the Pope with pepper spray?" "Oma, you attacked the Pope with pepper spray?" "No, no, no." "I've tried to explain to everyone here a hundred times!" "I pepper-sprayed the blind man!" " A blind man?" " Oh, just stop it!" " Are you her granddaughter?" " Yes, she's my Nonna." " I don't understand." " Well, your grandmother..." "Has she shown any signs of religious fanaticism recently?" " Or of mental disorder?" " Darling!" "No." "She adores the Pope." "There you are, my darling!" "There he is." "That's the blind man." "Stop him!" "Of course I'm blind!" "Blinded by my love for you, my angel who fell from the sky." "How will you ever forgive me?" "Play along or you'll go to jail." " Who the hell are you?" " Forgive me." "May I present myself:" " Lorenzo Bruzzone, her fiancée." " You can't stay here." "Get out, right now!" "I understand, but please let me explain this terrible injustice, this terrible misunderstanding." "It's all my fault." "This woman is an angel." "All we wanted was to gain the Pope's blessing before our wedding." "How can I explain?" "I think..." "That's it," "I remember now." "There was a woman sitting near me." "Some way away." "I glanced at her." "Only briefly." "Okay, maybe a little too closely." "This enraged my fiancée." "It sent her into a crazy fit of jealousy." "Okay, maybe I said one word too many." "But just look at her." "She'd never have wanted to hurt the Pope." "It was I, coward, who ducked, and that's why she hit the Holy Father." "It's all my fault." "Mine alone." "She's innocent." "Put me in prison." "Please, do something." "I beg you." "Just don't harm this dear, innocent woman." "She's the love of my life." "She has a heart as big as the world." "Can you forgive me?" "I've made you some tea, for all it's worth." "What's wrong with us?" "When did we turn into this average couple with an average life and average fights?" "We have a house, two cars... and nothing but problems." "Where's all the fun gone?" "You're talking about sex." "Because we're not having sex for the moment." " For the moment?" " Yes, because I'm too worn out just now." "Have you been listening to a word I said?" "I don't give a shit about sex!" "I don't care if we never have sex again until the day I die!" "I miss laughing together, kissing." "When was the last time we just kissed?" "I miss our bike tours." "I miss breakfast in bed Sunday mornings." "I miss a thousand things!" "But sex is not at the top of that list!" "I miss the woman" "I fell in love with." "That funny, relaxed, easy-going girl." "I miss her, too." " Well that was a narrow escape." " Yes and no." "It isn't over until Benedict has forgiven me." "What made me do this, Martina?" " The press is waiting outside." " What?" "But they won't recognize you." "Perfect." "The judge is a wise man." "We Italians have a great respect for love's folly." "The only thing that works round here." "Viva Italia!" " Come on, Baby, we have to go." " No, I'll take her home first." "No, you go on." "I'll walk." " I need fresh air." " You go." "I'll take care of her." "Excuse me!" "Wait a moment!" "Signora, excuse me." " You're a crook." " Please." "Be a good Catholic." "Forgive me." " You know what I don't understand?" " Yes." "Why didn't the Pope duck, too?" " He's just not as quick as I am!" " You obviously have no respect for religion or the Catholic church." "Who would want the blessing of the boss of an institution" " he doesn't even believe in?" " Boss?" "Leader, boss, chief, representative!" "Why am I talking to you?" "If you'd just stop for a minute, I'd explain." " Oh, excuse me." " I'm listening." "I lost a bet, and in Italy if you lose a bet, you go to see the Pope." " You are a weak man." " Excuse me..." "I'm sorry, but..." "Why do you keep running away?" "Excuse me." "Just married." "Thank you." "Here's a good idea:" "I want to marry you." "What?" "Just in pretense." "I have no idea why you're so intent on getting the Pope's blessing, but it's very important to you, otherwise you wouldn't have flown across the world." "I came here because I have sinned." "And now I seek forgiveness." "Why should he forgive you?" "The Vatican will hold another blessing ceremony for newly-weds in a few days." "If we were to present a wedding license at that date, a fake one, of course, which you can get anywhere, they'd let us in without a doubt." "They'll recognize me." "No." "You'll be wearing a beautiful veil down to your chin and a wonderful wedding dress." "And then, the music..." "But that's impossible." "The sacrament of marriage is holy to me." "Very well." "That's it then." "It can't be done." "You're right." "Such a pity." "Would've solved everything." "Both our problems." " Don't you trust Martina?" " Which part of this Pope affair doesn't sound like big trouble to you?" " You didn't even see her face." " I know the back of my mother's head." "Don't worry about your mother." "Worry about yourself, about us!" "Have you got your pills?" "With your fear of flying, you won't even make it to Toronto." " For the 100th time:" "I'm no longer afraid of flying." "You're afraid of everything, Marie." "I just can't." "Mom never taught me." "Do something!" "Find a cook, a Chinese, for all I care." "We have to make money, so I can pay my debts." "Get it?" "Then I won't have to waste my time going to the Vatican." "Signora Preiselbeere!" " How nice to see you again." " Got anything to eat?" " Yes." " That's good." ""Jealousy drama and true love!" Have a seat." "Well this is perfect!" "Do you want to get rid of your sins, or not?" " I have a clear-cut plan." " You two are intimate?" " Intimate business partners." "Don't worry." "So..." "You will become my wife?" " Just pretending to." " What's in it for me?" " You can settle your silly debt." " No, no, no." "Business is always give and take." "Very well, I give you the Pope," " what's in it for me?" " She cooks like a goddess!" "The Schnitzel yesterday was hers." "I knew it wasn't yours!" "Nor the potatoes." "Am I right?" "Right, here's the deal:" "You do the cooking here, make the place a success, and in return I'll marry you." "You're quite a character." "Filou!" "Si!" "Deal!" "You meet me at the church at 11." "We'll get married." "There's no way out." "I'm Dino and I don't have a clue how I'm going to pay you." "From my tips." "I'm good." " I'm Oma!" " To Oma in Roma." "NEW GERMAN CUISINE" "Greetings!" "Today's menu:" "Pancake soup," "Wiener Schnitzel with fried potatoes and... preiselbeere!" "Two Schnitzels and one Kaiserschmarrn." "Two Schnitzels." "They are Oma's Schnitzels!" "Two Schnitzels, three Kaiserschmarrn." "That's too much." "Come and help me." "Impossible." "Too busy." "You do it." "Nothing's impossible!" "Hello?" "Yes." "I'll be right over." "Anything happened?" "It was Lorenzo." "My Mama is from Germany, too." "She's been in a coma for weeks." "Every few days I get a call that she's dying." "But she can't let go." "She wanted me to carry on here, be as successful as she was." "But I'm done for." "I'm a lousy cook." "A total loser." "I'm a great disappointment to Mama." "Dino!" " Good?" " Good." "Thank you." "Mama, my new chef, Oma." "You can be proud of your son," "Liselotta." "Very proud." "Martina, there's an old woman." " She insists..." " Shit!" "No, at the door." "Send her in." "Hello, Oma." " Wow." " Yeah, wow." "I need a drink badly." "Coke?" "Perfect." "With something strong." "Dad called." "Mom's flying in tomorrow." "What?" "Good God!" "But why?" "Because of us." "Because we can't do anything right." "So here's to our last day of freedom." "Oma rocks!" "What are you hiding behind your back?" "Martina doesn't want you to see it." "Why doesn't everyone stop treating me like a demented old woman, and now you, too?" "Hand it over!" "Do you really believe none of us smoked in our time." " Bravo, Nonna!" "And sorry about the saucepan." "Would it be okay for you, if Martina married someone like me?" "Love will find a way." "How many tranquilizers did you take?" "One in each of three planes, but that's a while ago." "Then one sleeping pill on the plane to Munich and one more in Munich." "You still are in Munich." "How can you tell?" "Maybe from the fact that we're speaking German?" " I must catch my plane..." " No, no." "Very slowly." "Follow my finger." "No..." "Oh, God." "Martina!" " Get up!" " Oma, please." "What's that?" " What?" " Look!" " Awesome!" " At least it's nothing to be ashamed of for the rest of your life." "OMA ROCKS" "Something wrong?" "No." "Everything's alright." ""I'll be waiting for you at 11." "Yours, Lorenzo."" "I want one exactly like this when I get married." "How will it come off?" "Your mother must never know!" "And that one's mine." "I'm very happy." "You look enchanting." " We're closing the doors presently." " Off we go, into battle!" "Let's go." "You really look gay in your uniform." "It's a wonderful uniform." "I had the honor of wearing it as a postman." "I'm very proud of that." "I delivered very important letters." "Letters that changed the world." "I'm impressed." "Right then, you know why I'm here." "But I still don't know anything about you." "Don't be sad." "This will be the happiest moment of your life." "Wait!" "You silly woman!" "I don't even know your name!" "Stop!" "Wait!" "What am I doing here?" "I must be out of my mind!" "Look at me!" "Oma rocks?" "Oma." "Your name is Oma!" "My name is Margherita." "Margherita." "So tell me, Margherita, do you want this blessing or not?" "Of course." "Absolutely." "But I can't do this." "The sacrament of marriage is sacred to me." "This is nothing but a bunch of lies." "A fake wedding!" "A lost bet." " It's ridiculous!" " No, I don't care anymore about the bet." "Why won't you understand?" "I'm doing this for you." "For you alone." "Come on, let's try one more time." " As an old couple in love." " No." "Never." "I'd rather cover myself with gasoline and blow myself up." "So that's it?" "Is that it?" "I'm totally fed up too." "I want my dress back." "It belongs to me..." "Just you keep it!" "As my wedding gift." "From a husband that never was." "Martina, Oma, I'm in Roma." "I'm such a scatterbrain." "God!" "Fabrizio!" " Wait." " Damn it." "I don't believe it, Oma!" "That's my mom." "Congratulations!" " Honk!" " Honk?" " Drive, drive!" "Follow them, please." "You can't leave her alone for a second." "I don't believe it." "Mom!" "Congratulations, Oma." "Congratulations!" "I've locked myself out." "Could I borrow your key?" "Sure." "I'll go and get it." "Have a drink." "And then you'll tell me what happened, okay?" "Oma!" "Mom!" "It's a long story, Marie." "Mom!" "Italian scumbag!" "Why?" "I'm not a postman or anything like that." "Do you really think" "I'd just get married like you?" "No." "I'm a rock star." " Rock star?" " A rock star!" " I know rock stars." "Hit me!" "Pity." "Fuck it!" "Don't ever come near her again or you'll be in serious trouble." "The whole family, right?" "Fuck!" "It's not much, but I'll pay everything back bit by bit!" "Why the long face, just when things are looking up?" "Come on!" " Hello." " Hello, Dino." "We need your help." "May I introduce my daughter Marie," "Martina, my granddaughter, and this is Dino." "I do the cooking here, Marie." "She's my pride and my chef!" "This is my uncle Lorenzo." "Come here." "The bridegroom." " What?" " You flew over just for the wedding?" " Drop it." " What wedding?" "Little bugger!" "I really loved him." "I know, Dear." "I hope he drops dead!" "I know, Dear." " How can I go on living without him?" " How could you live with him?" "He's old, he's almost older than I am." "I know it hurts." "And you probably won't believe it now, it's going to last for a long, long time, but then, suddenly, the pain is gone." "I know what I'm talking about." "I'm hungry." ""German tourist attacks Pope." "Jealousy drama!"" " But this uncle..." " Lorenzo." "You weren't really going to marry him, were you?" " Thank God!" " Why?" " It would've killed me." " I like Lorenzo." "I KNOW I SCREWED THINGS UP" " I hate Silvio!" " Right." "Don't ever talk to me about Italian Men." "I'm so glad it's all over and I got here just in time." "Unbelievable, what a mess!" "Tomorrow we're all flying home." "I've already booked the tickets." " Mom, I'm not coming." "Just leave me alone!" "Bet you are!" "Or are you still trying to tell me you're preparing for Uni here?" " Go away!" " Mom, you're coming, too." "That's enough!" "I've had it." "Not another word!" "And stop shouting at us!" "Just leave us in peace!" "Why did you come here at all?" "What a question, Mom?" "My baby in that hell bar with a shady gigolo who cheats on her!" "My mother's in jail, in a wedding dress" " about to marry some swindler..." " Lorenzo's not a swindler." "...just to deceive the Pope into giving her his blessing." "Great Catholic you are!" "Why don't you ever trust me or Martina?" " Mom!" "Why don't you concentrate on your own life, instead of sticking your nose into ours?" "We're old enough!" " Martina is..." " I hate Silvio!" " She's much more mature than you were." "Okay, I made mistakes." "But since I came here, I've felt alive." "I'm alive." "I feel!" "Mom, what's wrong?" "Why are you so mad at me?" "I hate Silvio!" "Still because of the old folks' home?" "Look, it's all down to me." "I'm responsible for you, Martina, the kids..." "If only Jo were here." " You never let him decide anything either!" "And I miss Dad so much." "Our Dad!" "He is missed everywhere." "Damn it, pick up the phone!" "PICK UP THE PHONE, LITTLE ONE." "PLEASE!" "Mrs. Schachtschnabel had the hots for Dad, too." "Yes," "I really loved Loisl, our Dad." "He was such a dashing guy and a wonderful dancer." "The first time I saw him was..." " At Thanksgiving." " In the neighboring village." "He came over and asked me to dance." "I was on cloud nine." " He never said much." " But act he did!" "In times of trouble he always knew what to do." "That's why I went with him Right to the end of the world!" "And in all those 40 years, I swear, there was never anyone else." "Never." "Except this one time." "This was before we emigrated to Canada." "I can't understand it myself now." "There was this Italian musician..." "I was all by myself at his concert." "Mom!" "He was playing just for me." "And then... it happened." "And then, nine months later..." "What?" "So I'm the product of a one-night stand?" "I'm not Dad's?" " You were born out of passion!" " I don't want to hear it." " This night was made in heaven!" " This isn't about the weather!" "Marie!" "Come on." "Come on, Marie." "Listen to me." "Marie..." "You were such an innocent little lamb." "So sweet with your blond curls." "My little angel." " The spitting image of your deceased Oma." " Why didn't anyone tell me?" "That's my sin, and my sin alone." "My guilt is enormous!" "And I couldn't share it with anyone, apart from the good Lord." "Please..." "My only hope was always that we would go and see the Pope." "But Rome was so far away." "Then our Benedict became Pope, and I thought, "Now, we can all go together, and I can finally confess." "At long last I can confess."" "So because you couldn't confess, we've been running to church for 40 years?" "Marie..." "Jo, it's me." "I have to tell you something crazy." "There are flower shops here that are open all night." "So now I'm afraid they won't keep until I get home." "But you know... the flowers don't really care, they're dead anyway." "Honestly, Marie, have you been taking pills?" "Yes, all the time." "Ever since I left the house." "Marie?" "Jo..." "I so much loved your flowers." "Oma!" "What's wrong with you?" "Come down, it's dangerous." "I'm coming, I'm coming." "Seriously, come down, now!" " I said I'm coming." " You will?" " Yes." " Good Lord!" "My sympathies, Lorenzo." "I wanted to formally apologize before we all go home." "Does it have to be here... now?" "Men are never able to do two things at the same time." " I thought Italians could." " In that respect all men are the same." "Maybe she's back." "Maybe someone let her in." "Let's have a look." " Oma!" "It's Mom." " What?" ""Phone dry." "Am in the park." Do you understand that?" "We have to go and get her." " No." "I'll go." "You pack our things." "You had a fight." "It's best if I talk to her." "I'll be right back." " That's best..." " Out of the way." " Fuck you!" "I'm so sorry, Little One." "It felt so right, us two." "I was happy wherever we were, you know?" "Forgive me." "Do you realize how much courage it takes to commit oneself to a single person and to really love that person?" "I had that courage." "And I don't regret it." "That's the reason why I'm here." "No... you don't have that courage." "I made a mistake." "I was afraid." "You know, I even understand you a little." "Maybe these mistakes do happen." "But not now." "Not to my first love." "I know I deserve better." "Mom!" "Martina!" "My little one." "No wonder you picked someone like that." "I'm coming home with you after all." "But you don't want to study." "You don't care about my universities." " Did Oma tell you?" " Oma?" "She'd never snitch on you." "Unfortunately." "True." "Martina, you have to be very brave now." "Gramps... isn't your gramps at all." "What?" "Even Oma...?" "Yes." "I don't care." "I have one grandpa and I love him." "We are one family and we'll always be one family." " I have an appointment with the Cardinal." " You may pass." "The black sheep wants to return to the Church's fold." "All doors will be open to him." "Make me an offer I can't refuse." "I have no money." "Dino?" "Dino!" "I wanted to say goodbye." "We'll be on our way." "Signora Preiselbeere!" "Hello?" "But, Lorenzo..." "How did you do it?" "Incredible!" "Now what?" "She's leaving." "Now!" "Now, dear Oma, Lorenzo organized this all for you." "You're going to make Kaiserschmarrn for the Pope and 100 people." "100 Kaiserschmarrn?" "No way." " Impossible!" " Nothing's impossible!" "Go on!" "I once had a small house in Canada with little fish and lots of flowers..." ""Cooking in the Vatican." "Be back in three hours." "Oma."" "Oma never learns." "She will never learn." "How will I ever...?" "You're German?" "For a German you're very badly organized!" "May I remind you, you have only 43 minutes left." " I'm doing my best!" "The key to Lorenzo's Vespa!" " Mom?" " Oma?" " We're here!" "The whole family together." "Kaiserschmarrn for 100 people, I can't do it." "The three of us can." "Sure, let's get on with it." "It's always better than..." "You know, Martina, we don't talk very much in this family, at least not about important things." "My dad, who was the best dad in the whole world could be as silent as the grave while my mom avoids conflicts." " Right." "Out with it!" "Girls!" "Kaiserschmarrn, now." " You still know how to do it?" " Sure." " Then get cracking!" "This isn't over yet, Missy, and don't tell me how to treat my daughter." " Mom, please stop bickering!" " No, I have to get it of my chest." "When I see these sexy Italians with their sexy asses looking at my daughter..." " Mom, I'm coming home!" " I don't want you to." "Not, just because it didn't work out with that bastard." "I want you to stay!" "You're again telling me what to do!" "Cut it out!" "Ladies, time's up." "Ready!" "Very good." " Marie, did you mean that about Martina?" " Maybe I don't want to stay here." " Right, you're coming home." " No, I'm staying!" " Then stay." " Yes!" "Just like her Oma." " Here's someone who wants to talk to you." " No, we have to go to the airport..." "Your Holiness, the wonderful cook, Margherita Kreuzpaintner." " Thank you." " Aren't you the one who...?" " Yes, I am." "Luckily there was no pepper in the Kaiserschmarrn." "Forgive me, Holy Father." "Thank you." "I'm..." "I'm staying here, too." "As you wish, you have my blessing." "So what's to become of me?" " I might just as well have stayed home." " On the contrary!" "No, please!" "Hey, get your hands off!" "Sounds familiar, thank God." "I want to tell you two things." "No, three." "One:" "The kids are okay." "Two:" "When I told you I could do without sex, I lied, okay?" "And three:" "I'm crazy about..." "There." "Can you forgive me?" "You proud Italian?" "You are my greatest punishment." "And my biggest blessing." "Now what?" "Where do we go on our little Vespa?" "Bavaria, Monaco!" "Very well." "On one condition:" "I'm an Italian, I drive."