" What are you doing?" " Trying to watch the hockey game." "You'll see it better if you stand in front of the screen." "Ha ha ha." "Hilarious." "Anything?" "I think those are hockey players." "***" "See, now this bothers me." " I wish I could afford cable too." " Not that." "We got a letter addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Tom Ballow." " Oh, cool." "Our first mail as husband and wife." " Yeah." "Or in this case husband and some woman with no name of her own." "Yeah, you're right." "It's an outrage." "Some people just make me so..." "Arghh.." "Fuzzy." "Who's Charles Ballow anyway?" " It's from Uncle Charlie?" "He's the best." " Please..." "He's obviously one of those dinosaurs who believes women belong in the kitchen darning butter and turning socks." "However that goes." "He sent us a wedding check for $3,000." "Good old Uncle Charlie!" "OK, buddy." "You're all set." "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." "Ahem." "New wife within earshot?" "You two are married?" "Congrats." "When's the baby due?" "I'm not pregnant." "Oh." "Check out this cable package." "Linen Network, Fast Food Network," "MTV Latvia!" "Do we really need all these channels?" "And the Design Channel," "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." "Sumo Wrestling in HD, Jess." "We're finally adults." "Did we score a deal on this or what?" "And we've still got money left over." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Cool leather couch." "Family Guy box set." "Did I see a TV delivery truck outside?" "Or we could put it in the bank so we can move out of here." "Whoa." "Joint account." "Are you sure we're ready for that?" "C'mon Tom!" "I want to watch Bill O'Reilly." "Yeah." "Ready." "OK." "Benjamin Herbert Bellow!" "Were you looking at Tara's behind?" "Oh, don't be ridiculous." "You were!" "I saw you." "I was not." "Stop, stop, stop." "Were you checking out my woman, Ben?" "No!" "I mean, shut up." "Caught with your hand in the cookie jar, huh?" "Well, I can't blame you." "That is one fine behind." "It is not." "I mean I was not." "I mean shut up!" "Hey, guys." "Was Ben checking me out?" "Oh, for the love of..." "Phil?" "You are an ass." "Well, you are the expert." "So um, how much do you work out, Tara?" "Or is it genetic?" "Genetic?" "No, I bust my ass at Aerobox." "Major calorie burner." "Oh my God." "You know what?" "You should come and try a class with me." "Well, I actually have a pretty intensive routine myself." "It's called "Bodiez!"" "♪ (DISCO FLUTE) ♪" "Never trust a class with an exclamation mark in the title." "Nice one, honey." "What, like you've ever even been to a gym." "It's not my fault guys don't have to work out." "Excuse me?" "We can be hunky in our middle years without trying." "For once, Phil has a point." " I mean look at Sean Connery." " You know what?" "That is such a sexist attitude." "We don't make the rules, we just enjoy them." "We enjoy being healthy." " So yes, Tara, I would love to join you." " Great." "Dammit, Phil, is that your beer bottle?" "Agh!" "Just..." "Leave it." "A joint account, HM." "All right." "So just a few signatures and then you two will be joined together in holy "matri-money"." "Money. (CHUCKLE) Get it?" "Anyway." "This is a very mature decision." "When I look at you kids, I think that there is hope for the future." "And for your little one right there." "I'm not pregnant." "Oh." "Uh." "So, this is the breakdown of the money in the account:" "Tom, I took what was left of your uncle's gift and the money from your old paper route and your Bar Mitzvah, etc." "And it comes to a grand total of thirty-four hundred, 25." "Nice!" "And Jessie's contribution is twenty-seven fifty." "Almost three grand Babe!" "Nice." "Actually." "Twenty-seven dollars and fifty cents." "Oh." "See?" "I knew we weren't ready for a joint account." "Who cares who puts in what?" "What's mine is yours, right?" "Sorry." "Thank you." "Hey, why don't we celebrate our new account by going for a nice juicy steak?" "Steak?" "Isn't celebrate our new that a bit..." "Oh no, don't worry." "It's on me." "I'll have to ask my wife, but that sounds nice." "Jab, cross, hook!" "Up!" "Knee!" "Snap!" "Snap!" "Back kick!" "Jab!" "Hook!" "Hook!" "Hook!" "How long was this class supposed to be?" "Two hours." "How much longer do we have?" "Two hours." "That's just the warm-up." "Judith!" "Oh my God, are you OK?" "Am I lying down, or are you?" "Guess what this is." "A really thin-crust pizza?" "A gift for my dad." " A Grateful Dead album signed by Bob Weir." " Who's Bob Weir?" "Well, you know how there was Jerry Garcia and the other guys?" "Uh huh." "He was one of the other guys." "Shhhhhh!" "Why are your sister and my parents refugee here?" "They're watching a Spanish telenovela." "How much was the album, Jess?" "Hopefully not as much as the singing lessons you got your mom." "You can't put a price on dreams." "Can you try?" "Fine." "It was two hundred dollars." "That's outrageous!" "Yeah!" "A little!" "Hector's a woman!" "Wait, I gotta see this." "Great work!" "You know something?" "I'm really impressed." "It's only been a week, but you've really improved." "Yeah." "One day I may even finish a session." "Hey!" "I lost a pound." "Huh." "I lost three." "Ha!" "What say you and I celebrate with a post-workout cool-down?" "What is this some sort of flaky "Bodiez!" thing?" "Yeah." "Something like that." "Two martinis, straight up, easy on the vermouth, three olives." "You know, I don't normally drink after a workout." "The calories are killer." "Make it two olives." "Yeah, and if that wasn't enough, she bought me some kind of extreme waste paper basket for a hundred and twenty bucks." "Hey, I know people who would kill for a Trash-Slam." "Well, the woman's out of control, Carter." "You know what's outta control, this chick I'm seeing." "Dude, I think I'm in love." "Great." "Cause I was hoping we could make this conversation about you." "Oh great, cause listen." "I really want you to meet her." "Huh?" "Her name's Jane." "Or Jenn." "Janice?" "Seriously?" "You know, names are just labels really." "Why are you hiding your pin, man?" "Look, I know it's 8-0-0-8-5." "Boobs." "And mine is 3-5-0-0-7." "Loose." "We're team Loose Boobs!" "I had to change my pin when me and Jessie got the joint account, OK?" "Wait, you changed your pin?" "To what?" "Tomsie." "Wow." "Hey, look It's like Brangelina." "But obviously much, much worse." "It was Jessie's idea." "OK?" "Holy crap!" "My account is down six hundred bucks." "You know, I wouldn't really worry about it, Tomsie." "The bank probably just made a mistake." "I have a stainless steel Trash-Slam at home that says otherwise." "Janine!" "Tomsie?" "What like, Brangelina?" "I know." "It was Tom's idea." "And yet you're still buying him concert tickets." "Your debit card's not working." "That's not possible." "My husband and I just opened the account." "Your husband?" "When are you due?" "I'm not pregnant!" "Try it again." "Sorry." "Maybe the account's been closed." "But the only person who can close the account besides me is..." "Your husband?" "You mean you're actually having sex with a guy who comes up with Tomsie?" "Not anymore." "You closed our account?" "What was I supposed to do?" "Leather bound encyclopaedias for three hundred bucks?" "Have you ever heard of Wikipedia?" "It's called being generous." "And they're for your father, who thinks Wikipedia is run by Wiccans." "And what do we need new bed sheets for?" "What's wrong with the old ones?" "They have Buzz Lightyear on them." "Yeah, and they work, don't they?" "Since when did you become such a penny pincher?" "Since I'm trying to save for our future." "We're eighteen, Tom." "We have the rest of our lives to save money." "Why not enjoy it while we can?" "A silver picture frame is no my idea of enjoying money." "I bought that for you." "So you could hang your degree when you graduate." "Oh." "OK, well that's very nice." "And what about this skirt, HM?" "OK, that one's for me." "What?" "I'm not a saint." "All I'm asking is that you consult with me before spending my money" "Your money?" "What happened to 'what's mine is yours'?" "I's all mine and no yours." "That's what happened." "You won't get away with this, Tom Bellow." "Left!" "Right!" "Right, right, right, left!" "Jab!" "Pump!" "Left, left left!" "Five o'clock class already started." "We'll just wait for the next one then." "I am so sorry I made us late." "Please let me make it up to you." "Hm?" "Well, we have a couple hours to kill." "All right, what'd you have in mind?" "Oh my God, it's been so long since I've had full-fat cheese." "I bet Phil doesn't like counting calories." "Phil doesn't like counting." "I don't know if it's the two martinis..." "Three." "Three Martinis?" "Uh huh." "But I say, to hell with trying to stay young and fit while our husbands drink beer and poke holes in their belts." "Exactly." "It is such a double standard." "Is that really the time?" "Oh yeah." "I guess we better leave now if we want to make the workout." "Although it's still rush-hour." "Might not make it there at all." "Dessert?" "Barkeep?" "Don't get me wrong;" "I love Jessie." "Oh dear." "That's bad." "What?" "Well, you've only been married for a month and you just prefaced "I love my wife" with "don't get me wrong."" "Took me years to get there." "Nah, it's just..." "I don't understand why she has to spend my money." "I mean our money." "I mean..." "Son, there's an old book called 'Men Are from Mar Women Are from Venus'" "You read that?" "No, no, no." "I wouldn't read that crap on a bet." "No, no, the only reason I have it was because your mother got it for me as a gift." "Using our money." "So what did you do?" "The only thing I could do;" "I put her on an allowance." "How do you and Mom deal with the household budget?" "I tell her how much money I need every week and she gives it to me." "So... in a way...you're on an allowance." "Anyway." "I have to get back to these bills here." "Doesn't Mom pay those?" "Yeah, I just have to make sure they're not addressed to Mr.  Mrs. Judith Bellow." "♪" "Hey." "Thanks for coming." "I came for the free juice." "I have no money, remember?" "I shouldn't have closed the account." "I just want to make sure that we have a future." "I suppose." "And a future for our children." "OK." "And our grandchildren." "Overselling." "Sorry." "Am I forgiven?" "You know I can't stay mad at you." "So I guess we should head back to the bank and re-open the account." "I have a better idea." "You wrote me a cheque for a hundred dollars?" "It may not seem like a lot of money, but if you put it to good use, it'll last you till next week." "So you're putting me on an allowance." "It's not an allowance." "It's a sum of money that I allot to you for personal and general living expenses." "What?" "Nothing." "No, you're actually right." "I'm going to put this to good use." "♪ (BIG BAND SWING) ♪" "The allowance wouldn't cover new lingerie so I had to get a hand-me-down." "It was your mother's." "Ah!" "♪ (MALE SINGER) Hey little honey, I've got the money" "♪ let's blow it all... ♪" "Is this Spam?" "Oh no, the allowance wouldn't cover Spam." "You're eating Spewm." "Hey, where's the toilet paper?" "Sorry, allowance wouldn't cover it." "Hey, where's the You'll have to use this." "To Girl Power-!" "To deep-fried zucchini!" "To taking everything society tells us to avoid in the name of form-fitting jeans, and telling them to stick it." "You know, the last couple of weeks of not-working-out together has been really nice." "Even if I did gain five pounds." "What?" "What?" "You just smiled." "I didn't." "I didn't smile." "Yes, you did!" "You smiled when I said that I gained five pounds." "That's crazy." "You did it again!" "Oh my God." "You did this on purpose." "Oh my God." "I did." "You know what?" "I thought that we were finally becoming friends." "We are, we are!" "But when I saw Ben looking at your assets, something in me just snapped." "Will you forgive me?" "I guess it wasn't entirely your fault." "All these years of was the one being objectified can make a girl crazy." "I can't believe that we're still falling into these sexist traps." "'Men don't have to work out,' 'Look at Sean Connery'." "How come they never mention sexy older women, huh?" "Like Sophia Loren or Isabella Rossellini?" "Exactly!" "God, I wish I was Italian." "All the work that we have to do." "They have no idea what it's like." "Maybe it's time they found out" "Hmm?" "How could you return our TV?" "Our TV or your TV?" "I seem to have lost track of what belongs to whom." "You did this to get back at ME?" "No, I did this to be responsible," "You did this to get back, just like you wanted" "So what did you do with the refund?" "Since you're so responsible now." "I locked it into Five years?" "a five-year bond." "Oh, don't worry." "The interest will be paid out annually." "Consider it an allowance." "This is getting good." "It's like Tom's living in the fifties." "Mm HM?" "Next thing?" "He's gonna be calling me "the missus"." "Uh huh." "I mean, an allowance?" "Have you ever heard of anything so sexist?" "What's this thing?" "Dad!" "Are you even listening?" "Jessie." "Um." "Don't get me wrong." "Cause I love you." "Oh boy." "Truth is:" "Tom isn't sexist;" "Tom's right." "You're terrible with money." "You always have been." "What?" "I am not!" "Give me one example." "Well?" "It's called a piggy bank, sweetie." "Now you can start saving money!" "And I'm gonna get my big girl started right away." "For dolly." "Oh my God." "You're right." "Jessie, you are a sweet, generous girl." "You're just bad at saving money, that's all." "Is that..." "Mom?" "Something wrong, honey?" "Back-stabbing, two-timing women!" "That is what is wrong." "Drum circle cut off your solo again?" "No, it's Judith." "What'd she do?" "She draped herself in the flag of feminism just to get back at me for having what she doesn't." "I mean, the nerve of that woman." "You don't see me trying to sabotage her because her house is nicer or her grass is greener, or because her husband is so ripped, do you?" "Ben's ripped?" "Yes." "But I don't make her suffer for it." "Do I?" "Ben is ripped?" "Ach!" "That Tara!" "She walks around with her odourless deodorant, her airy-fairy come-as- you-are propaganda when she is just as superficial as they come." "Oh ho ho." "Amen to that." "Yeah." "I mean all she really cares about is her tight body, her organic clothing and her hunky husband." "Yeah, well that's what..." "Phil is hunky?" "Well, not in the traditional sense, no." "I mean, you know, he's just got those nice broad shoulders, those strong arms." "Hunky, you know, like he lifts stuff." "Can I buy the counter boy a ginger zinger?" "Don't worry, I borrowed it from my dad." "He and I had a little chat." "Does he hate me now, too?" "Actually, he defended you." "Turns out I've never been any good with money and you were right to be a jerk, even though you weren't because this was totally my fault." "I'm sorry." "Me, too." "Does this mean you're willing to trust me with our money again?" "Can I?" "You can trust the fact that I want to save enough money so we can buy a place of our own and build a life together." "That's really sweet, Jess." "It's from the Spanish telenovela." "But it still counts." "By the way, Tomsie is no more." "New pin?" "80085." "Boobs!" "I love it." "See, that's why I married you." "Up knee!" "Snap!" "Snap!" "Back kick!" "Jab!" "Hook!" "Lookin' good, Ben." "Really?" "I mean, shut up, Phil." "Up!" "Knee!" "Snap!" "Snap!" "Back kick!" "Jab!" "Hook!" "Well played, Tara." "Indeed." "Ah." "Should we get a bottle?" "I'm in."