" Hey." " Hey, guys." "How was Lincoln Center?" "Oh, it was incredible." "Nobody does modern dance like Pina Bausch." "The choreography was amazing." "She's so imaginative." "So were you on the cab ride ome-hay." "Hmm..." "Ome-hay." "Ome-hay." "You guys fooled around in the cab, but where was it heading?" "Nothing happened in the cab." "Well, then we should do nothing a little more often." "Don't you need to get ome-hay?" "Oh, home!" "Love ya." "Mwah!" "Bye." "[ clears throat ]" "'Night." "Come on, get over here." "Why?" "You don't have to be all nervous about this." "We can talk about it." "I don't know, it's weird." "Come on!" "Give me a little credit." "We subscribe to Cinemax." "Okay, you're right." "We should not be embarrassed to talk about sex." "We're both grownups, right?" " Thank you." " Yeah." "So, how far have you gone with a boy?" "'Night." "âª Hey!" "âª âª Uh-huh âª âª What I like about you âª âª You really know how to dance âª âª When you go up, down, jump around âª" "âª Talk about true romance âª âª Yeah âª âª Keep on whispering in my ear âª âª Tell me all the things that I wanna hear âª" "âª 'Cause it's true âª âª What I like âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª" "âª Hey!" "âª" "Val?" "Val?" "[ water running ]" "I knew it!" "I had a bad vibe about you from day one!" "I'm not stealing stuff." "I'm trying to get Val's ring size for Valentine's Day." "What?" "!" "You're getting her a ring for Valentine's Day?" "That's " "Shh!" "[ hisses ]" "Yes!" "What kind of ring?" "No, no, no, no." "I've said enough." "You better promise me you're not gonna say anything to Val." " Promise me." " Don't you trust me?" "It's not you." "It's your whole damn generation." "So, where are you going to do it?" "I'm taking her to my restaurant." "Ooh, free meal -- that's classy." "Girls love it when you don't spend any money on them." "You're a funny little girl." "Val's gonna be blown away." "I've been shopping for this ring for two months." "Two months?" "Remember, not a word." "Val!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Oh, my God!" "[ shrieking ] [ screams ]" "Aah!" "I know something!" " What?" " I can't tell you." "You scared the hell out of me." "Oh, my God, it is so worth it, but I can't tell you why." "Then get out of here and let me finish my shower." "Oh, my God, this can't wait!" "Val!" "What is it?" "I can't tell you." "[ muttering ]" "What do I do?" "Tell her." "Okay." "Jeff's gonna ask you to marry him!" "Aah!" "What?" "Jeff is going to propose to you." "And he made me promise not to tell." "Then why are you telling me?" "I got talked into it." "Wait." "Did he say that he was actually going to propose to me?" "I wasn't going to ask him." "He obviously wants to surprise you." "Val, he's been looking for the ring for two months." "Oh, my God!" "He's taking me to Vermont this weekend." "That's probably where he's gonna do it." "No, he's doing it at the restaurant." "And that is all I'm going to tell you." "[ shrieks ]" "Your sister is going to get engaged on Valentine's Day?" "Ooh, Gary, don't you think that is so romantic?" "Uh, Jill, now, I like you a lot, but I'm not really in a financial position to take on a bride right now." "Well, if you hadn't blown all your money on that Poopin' Moose candy dispenser..." "Ha ha ha ha." "Yeah, that guy's hilarious." "You lift up his head, and MM's come out the back." "Plain or peanut?" "He doesn't care." "He'll squeeze out Skittles if you want him to." "See you tomorrow night?" "Yes, you will, Valentine." "Bye." "I really like her." "Yeah, well, do what I'm doing." "Enjoy her while you can, 'cause after this Valentine's Day, she's going to dump me." "What are you talking about?" "Valentine's Day is her favorite holiday." "I got to come through with some big-time romance, and I've got no game." "Calm down." "Let's just start with the gift." "Did you get her something good?" "Oh, I wouldn't be surprised if she cried a little bit." "Ooh, what did you get her?" "Nothing." "That's why I think she's going to cry." "Look, I can't even afford to buy her a nice dinner." "Just take her to Jeff's." "He'll give you a discount." "And then just get her some roses or candy, preferably not from a moose's ass." "When it comes to this romantic stuff, I suck." "You got to come with me." "Oh, right, that sounds good." "You, me, and Jill having an intimate Valentine's dinner." "And then maybe on the carriage ride home, the three of us can all make out." "Yeah, now that's a friend." "All right, just get a date." "For tomorrow night?" "Valentine's Day?" "Right." "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation... because I'm eavesdropping." "I'll be your date." "Oh, hi, Henry." "If you want, I can make some calls and change my plans for tomorrow night." "Oh, no." "No, you don't have to do that." "Okay, the thing about making the phone calls, that was fake." "I just didn't want to seem too available." "But I am fully available, and that is not fake." "Please, Holly." "Okay." "Um, okay." "Just so we're clear, this is not a real date." "Yes!" "Perfect!" "Totally onboard." "Just friends, not a date." "You da man!" "Does he think I'm a man?" "Holly, just do this for me." "Okay." "Well, I'll see you tomorrow night." "It's a date!" "No, it's not." "[ knock on door ]" "Come in." "Hey, what you doing?" "Oh, thinking...drinking." "A little early celebration?" "Sounds good." "Yeah, it is." "Fruity, full-bodied, with just a hint of..." "I'm getting engaged!" "It's so exciting!" "Oh, I know, yes." "I'm also a little nervous." "I'm just trying to find my balance." "Note for adulthood -- turn to alcohol for help with big decisions." " What's all that?" " Magazines -- "Modern Bride," "In Style Weddings,"" "uh, "Bride" magazine " ""American Lawyer"?" "So you don't get screwed in the prenup." "Oh." "Wow, look at all those beautiful gowns." "I know." "I'm starting to get excited again!" "Thank you." "Thank you." "He said the ring is going to blow you away." "I wonder how big the diamond is." "Well, it doesn't matter how big the diamond is." "It just matters that it comes from the heart." "Ha ha ha." "You kill me!" "I wonder how he's going to do it." "I'm thinking he's going to stuff it into your cheesecake or drop it into your champagne -- something that guys think is romantic but can actually kill you." "Well, it doesn't matter." "I'm sure whatever he does, it will be perfect." "The point is, I'm getting engaged!" "Oh, my God, this is so exciting!" "[ shrieking ]" "[ Holly ]:" "Ha ha." "There's Val and Jeff." "Ah, that's your sister?" "She's beautiful!" "I know." "The whole family is hot!" "I've got your table ready." "Excuse me, rose lady, hit me 12 times." "A dozen red roses for my Valentine." "Gary, that's really not necessary." "I wanted these roses to see how beautiful you are." "That's $120." "Okay, they've seen you." "Move along now." "Actually, I, uh, I've got something for you, too, Holly." "I know this isn't a real date, but these are real roses, and you're real pretty." "Oh, thanks." "They're intertwined at the stems, and it said one red and one white symbolizes unity." "Because I'm just glad that we're together on our non-date." "Thank you, Henry." "Never heard that before." "You know, about the roses." "Isn't that beautiful?" "Oh, not as beautiful as you are... in the face area... during springtime..." "or anytime." "It's all good." "Did I tell you how great you look tonight?" "Yeah, yeah, you too." "Well, what are you doing?" "Um, toasting God... for bringing us together." "Here's to you, big guy." "Man, I thought for sure it would be in the champagne glass." "You know, putting the ring in the food items -- kind of "Love Boat."" "I could not agree more." "What would you do?" "Well, I would, uh..." "I would, uh..." "Tell her that great story you were telling me -- about the beach and the sunset." "Right." "I would propose on the beach." "When?" "At sunset." "I would take your hand, lead you out onto the rocks, and just as the sun dipped into the water," "Free Willy would jump over our heads." "Then I'd pop the question." "The end." "That was awesome." "But did you know that Free Willy's in Norway now and he's dying?" "It could be any whale, Henry, okay?" "How would you do it, Henry?" "I think it depends on the girl." "For instance, and I know that this is not a date, but if it were Holly," "I'd take her to the dump." "To dispose of my body?" "No, because it's funny." "And then after we were married, whenever you were feeling crummy or something," "I could say, "Hey, remember when we got engaged at the dump?"" "And then you'd laugh, which would make you feel better." "And me too, because I'd get to hear you laugh." "You have a great laugh." "Oh, my God, that was amazingly romantic." "Wow, I've never seen you go after a piece of cheesecake like that." "You're like a raccoon." "It's just so good." "Are you done?" "Yeah." "I...am... finished." "Good, because there is something very important that I want to say to you." "Oh, God." "Okay." "I'm ready." "Go." "Wait!" "[ clears throat ]" "Okay, go." "Go." "Go!" "I've, uh, been " "No, wait." "Just " "There you go." "Okay." "Okay." "I've been thinking about this past year a lot..." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "And I was trying to think what I could give you to really show you how much you mean to me." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "Val..." "Uh-huh?" "I love you." "Oh, God." "Easy." "You haven't even opened it yet." "I think I'm going -- oh!" "Oh!" "No!" "Wait!" "There's a card!" "What happened?" "I don't know." "She just bolted all of a sudden." "She didn't even get to open her gift." "Check it out." "Oh... earrings?" "What's with the frickin' earrings?" "They're pretty, huh?" "Where's the ring?" "I thought you were getting her a ring!" "Oh, I was." "There was a beautiful sapphire set in platinum." "But then the guy at the jewelry store told me only an idiot would get his girlfriend a ring on Valentine's Day that wasn't an engagement ring." "Ha ha." "Who knew?" "Everyone!" "I have to go talk to Val." "Um... there's not an exit back there, is there?" "Hey, are you okay?" "Better now." "Where did you get the toothbrush?" "My purse." "Want one?" "No." "What happened?" "I don't know." "I got so excited." "Everything was perfect -- the champagne, the cheesecake." "Then he started saying such romantic things." "And he pulled a little box out, and I just barfed." "If someone asks you to marry them, your first reaction should not be to barf." "It's okay." "It's okay." "No, it is not okay." "How am I going to go back out there?" "He's gonna want an answer." "Okay, look," "I really should not get involved." "It's just not my style." "You know how you thought that Jeff was going to give you an engagement ring?" "Yeah." "He's not!" "He got you non-engagement earrings!" "What?" "He's not going to ask me to marry him?" "No." "You just built it up in that pretty little head of yours." "You are the one who told me he was going to give me an engagement ring." "You said, I said -- he ain't proposing, kiddo." "Let it go." "Get back out there and slap those earrings on, because everything is back to normal." "No, everything is not back to normal." "I came here tonight thinking he was going to propose to me, and I thought I was going to say yes." "But then the time came, and I threw up." "You know what this means, don't you?" "I'm not ready." "I'm so not ready." "Good." "Because you don't have to make any decisions." "Now just go out there, finish your dinner, and head up to Vermont and have fun!" "Yeah." "That's what I'm going to do." "I'm going to go have fun." "Vermont has liquor stores, right?" "People couldn't live there without them." "Okay." "Hey, do you think it's weird that suddenly" "I'm kind of attracted to someone who at some time in his life has probably put on a magic show?" "Man, we've been sitting here forever!" "What is going on up there?" "How you feeling?" "Better." "I can't believe my girlfriend got sick from food at my restaurant." "Ha." "It wasn't the food." "Do you want to hear a funny story?" "I thought you were going to propose to me tonight." "[ scoffs ]" "What?" "Ah ha!" "I know." "Yeah." "Oh, God." "Holly told me about you going through my jewelry box and the ring and Valentine's Day." "She had me totally convinced." "[ both laughing ]" "Then when you pulled that little box out of your pocket," "I thought you were going to ask me to marry you." "[ laughing ]" "So...you vomited?" "Yeah, but not because of you." "I mean, I love you." "It's just I think I'm not ready, you know." "Well, let me put your mind at ease, okay?" "You don't have to worry about that." "At all." "I mean, I am so far away from that." "Like light years." "Whoo hoo hoo hoo." "Light years?" "Isn't that a little extreme?" "I don't know." "Is there something longer than that?" "'Cause if there is, I want that one." "[ laughs ]" "I had a really nice Valentine's Day." "Thank you." "You don't have to say that." "Well, I know I don't have to, but I did." "Look, Jill," "I know how you feel about Valentine's Day, and I know how much it means to you." "And I wanted it to be perfect, but the thing is," "I don't know what the color of roses means." "I don't have any romantic dump stories." "Gary, do you know why" "I wanted to spend Valentine's Day with you?" "Not a clue." "I wanted to be with you because you're fun." "And funny." "And I like you." "Yeah, but I'm not romantic." "You're adorable." "And I'll take that over romantic any day." "Hold that thought." "It's not much, but I hope you like it." "It's our ticket stubs from our first date " "Bob the Builder on Ice." "Oh, my God." "You kept our ticket stubs." "So, I did good?" "You did real good." "Got something for you, too." "Is this the Deluxe Poopin' Moose?" "Try it." "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "Little Valentine hearts." "Now, that's a romantic dump story." "[ laughing ]" "Ahh... [ both laughing ]" "Thanks for walking me home." "You were really nice to talk to that banjo guy on the subway." "Yeah, I'm pretty sure he wasn't really Jesus, but you don't want to get to heaven and find out you were the guy who blew off the son of God." "[ laughs ]" "I love that laugh." "That's the dump laugh." "Thanks for a great date." "Hey, you said "date."" "I did, didn't I?" "Good night, Henry." "I was on a date." "An armored truck overturned in the tunnel." "There was quarters everywhere." "I tried to get some, but they shot at me." "The people in the Saturn thought that was hilarious." "Why don't you marry them?" "Oh, God." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I forgot." "You're against marriage." "I'm not against marriage." "I guess it works for some people." "But I've seen my friends divorced, my brother." "Look at my parents!" "After 30 years, even they're calling it quits." "Baby, I love you, but marriage?" "I just " " I don't " "What?" "Go ahead, say it." "I just don't think it's for me." "Okay." "Were you ever going to tell me?" "We've been going out almost a year, and you haven't brought it up." "I just assumed we were in the same place." "Well, maybe we're not." "Are you sure?" "'Cause you thought I was going to propose to you tonight, and your response was..." "[ imitates vomiting ]" "That doesn't exactly scream "Be my Valentine."" "I was overwhelmed with the thought of getting married now." "I'm not against marriage." "I want to get married someday." "I want to share my life with somebody." "We're doing that right now." "We spend time together." "We love each other." "Why can't it just stay the way it is?" "I can't go on like this forever." "So what do we do now?"