"[cell door slams] [theme song playing]" "[cell door slams]" "[cell door slams]" "[Luschek] Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "Wake up." "Luschek, what the hell?" "You're needed in electrical." "Man, it's not even my shift." "It's an emergency." "Excuse me." "We're in the middle of a session here." "You can get back to your flower bondage in a second." "And quit topping from the bottom." "Meet me outside." "[Nicky] All right." "All right." "Just give me a minute, all right?" "Fuck." "What was that about?" "Ah, the people are praying for rain and mattresses." "Idiots." "[snorts]" "All right, listen, I, uh..." "I found a guy." "Well, it's about time." "Hmm." "All my dealers are too righteous to sell H, but this guy's perfect." "You know, this biker from Coxsackie." "Total scumbag." "Married my sister." "Look, there's been a little hitch in our giddy up." "What?" "There's no more giddy up." "Why not?" "It's not where we left it." "Somebody must have stole it." "God" " God damn it." "Keep it down." "I knew it." "I knew I couldn't trust you." "I'm giving you a shot." "For not giving you heroin?" "Actions have consequences." "And I got my sister involved." "Come on!" "All right, she already thinks I'm unreliable." "This was gonna be a big win for me." "Wait." "What did you mean by "we"?" "What?" "You said, "Where we left it."" "Oh, yeah, me and Boo." "I'm about to give you another shot for being stupid." "No, no, no, man." "It's not her." "I don't think. [stammers] I mean, I don't know." "This place is lousy with thieves, so could be anyone." "Well, thanks for getting my fucking hopes up." "You know, that's why you women ended up in prison." "'Cause you suck at crime." "[sighs]" "Look at this fucking street, all fro-yo marts and clothes for homos." "Well, you're gonna miss all these yogurt and fag shops when they turn it all into banks and luxury condos for foreign investors." "Yo!" "He's out." "What?" "The fuck?" "I texted Isaac, and he said we can cop, but he's leaving in 10 minutes and he's all the way up on 79th and Third." "We're screwed." "Fuck." "All right, no." "Do not be fucking negative right now, all right?" "I'm not going the weekend without dope." "Clear eyes, full hearts, right?" "[all] Can't lose." "Hey!" "Hey, buddy!" "Hey!" "Uptown?" "Yo, buddy!" "What the fuck?" "Asshole." "In the old days, they'd at least say, "Fuck off."" "What old days?" "You moved here in, like, 2007." "Let's take it." "What?" "Come on." "Look, the keys are in the ignition." "Let's take it." "Are you nuts?" "You wanna go cop in the fucking projects?" "Come on." "Get in." "Fucking hell, man." "[tires screeching]" "Ow!" "What the fuck?" "Where'd you learn to drive?" "[car alarms beeping]" "Maybe I didn't." "I grew up in the city." "[man] Come on, move it over." "[woman] Get moving!" "[man] Come on!" "Move along!" "Fuck!" "[moaning]" "Wait." "We shouldn't be on the floor." "There might still be bedbugs." "Then we'll both get them." "So long as we're in it together." "Isn't that your thing?" "You don't have to be here right now." "Um, I do, actually, because of you." "I meant... in the library, and I don't wanna fucking talk about that anymore." "Well, you have to..." "because it makes me angry, and at least when I'm angry..." "I have enough gas in the tank to fuck you like you deserve to be fucked." "[Piper] Mmm." "That's hot." "Yeah, it is fucking hot." "[gasping and moaning]" "You controlling... selfish..." "bourgeois piece of shit." "Turn over." "What?" "Why?" "Because I can't stand to look at you." "But you can fuck me?" "Yeah, maybe if you learn to shut the fuck up!" "You guys, I'm not even getting out for another three years." "So?" "That doesn't mean you shouldn't start planning." "You need to pick a dress, find an awesome DJ, book a hall." "[gasps] I know the dopest DJ." "Ay, sí." "He mostly does dubstep, but I'm sure he can find a version of the wedding song." "But I don't even know I wanna make it some big thing or just go down to the courthouse, so..." "[gasps] Oh, my God, gross." "Ay, what?" "Hey, Daya, come on." "No." "A person only gets married once or twice in her life, so go big or go really big." "Yeah, and it's not just about you." "It's about all your family and friends." "Mmm-hmm." "I love a wedding party." "I know." "Me, too." "Yeah, what makes you think she wants you there?" "Ay, Dios." "What do you mean?" "Of course she does." "We're family, right?" "Yeah, of course." ""Of course."" "Of course." "Here's what's gonna happen when you get out." "You'll call each other up... maybe meet for drinks, make more plans but then cancel them, push them off, you're suddenly really busy." "But the truth is... you're avoiding each other because it only took that one drink for you to realize you don't have anything in common... and all you got was a reminder of the time you spent in this fucking hellhole." "We're not a family." "We're a BAND-AID... and once you rip it off, all we are to each other is scars." "Ay, whatever." "She's just being a bitch because she can't see her baby." "So look, you, like, get out in 36 months, right?" "[Dayanara] Mmm-hmm." "[gasps] Yeah!" "That's, like, around summer." "[gasps] A summer wedding!" "Perfect!" "Yeah!" "Except, I don't get out till next fall." "A fall wedding could be nice, too." "Or winter." "Winter 2016." "[gasps]" "Or 17." "Better count." "One, two..." "Ay, sí." "[Caputo] "Represents the warden at meetings and" "orientation of new staff." -[knocking on door]" "Sir?" "Oh, I, um..." "Yeah." "I just, uh..." "Did I catch you at a bad time?" "No, I was" "I was just, um..." "What can I do for you?" "I wanted to talk to you." "I heard a rumor that the camp's closing." "Where'd you hear that?" "From who?" "I..." "Uh, my boy down the hill at..." "Is it true?" "Look, I don't want to start a panic." "So it's true?" "No..." "I didn't say that." "I just said I don't want to start a panic." "I just... [scoffs] But why would we panic unless the camp's shutting down?" "Uh, there are many reasons why a person may choose to panic." "Sharks, school shootings, uh, bee extinction." "They call it colony collapse, and they say it's all from this Monsanto pesticide." "It's horrible." "I just want to know if there's anything I should be doing for" "There's not." "So I can have some notice." "[sighs]" "If you lose your job, you'll be the first to know." "All right, sir." "Thank you." "Thanks for stopping by." "[man speaking indistinctly on PA]" "What the fucking shit?" "[Frieda] What?" "People want privacy." "If we can grow the corn high enough, we can rent out a field like a motel room." "I mean, we gotta do something now that we're sewn shut." "We are doing something." "We're gardening." "I did not join this club to smuggle contraband or to shank people." "I joined it to garden, to make things grow." "Hey!" "Is that our wheelbarrow?" "It's the prison's." "I can use it." "You can use it and you can return it." "[sighs] -[Irma] Did you hear me?" "I just want to enjoy the simple things." "And you can... while we also rent out the cornfield for sex." "[Healy] Nothing like being down on your hands and knees, huh?" "[stammers] In the soil." "Nice to be outside is what I meant." "How are you, Sam?" "Good. [sighs]" "Better." "Listen, uh, about the other day..." "It's all right." "Well, things got a little personal." "It's fine." "I just don't want it to be awkward." "It's not." "Well, it is now." "Next time something awkward happens, try not drawing extra attention to it, huh?" "How's it going?" "[sighs]" "Not so good, actually." "Not so good." "Remember what I said about a corpse being a corpse." "I just want this corpse to be sleeping in the same bed with me, that's all." "I feel the language gap is still a problem." "[sighs]" "Healy..." "I can't be your marriage counselor." "Translator... for an hour or so, tonight, after dinner." "Oh, no, I think I have plans." "No, you don't." "I cleared your schedule." "Oh." "Well, in that case..." "Thanks, Red." "It's very kind of you." "You basically gave me no choice." "Even so..." "I appreciate it." "Are you sure you're okay?" "Looks like someone hit you." "It's from when I was in holding." "What about your neck?" "There's a..." "little mark here." "[chuckles]" "I must have checked my pulse a little too hard." "Is my work assignment in?" "No, I don't give assignments till I get to know you." "I was just here." "But I wasn't." "But better late than never, right?" "Hey, I'm teaching a drama class later." "You coming?" "Mmm, that's not really my thing." "Oh, come on." "I think it'll be good for you." "How do you know what's good for me?" "You just met me." "Look, Vause, I get it." "I get the anger." "When a country has more inmates than teachers or engineers, we are living in a fucked up society." "Prison is bullshit." "[chuckling]" "Then why work in one?" "Because I think there are people here with potential that's being squandered" "and I wanna make a" "Oh, you wanna make a difference?" "Yeah, I get it." "You're one of the good guys." "But guess what." "We all think we're good guys." "I used to work for a drug dealer who wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in your head if you crossed him, or if you stopped being useful to him, but in his mind, he's still a good guy. [laughing]" "Heroin Robin Hood... because he cut out the Mexican cartels and passed on the savings to the consumer, and he never cut his shit with brick dust." "And you're not just another shill taking a paycheck from an evil system of oppression, 'cause you're fighting it from the inside with drama class." "Fine." "Whatever you need to tell yourself to get by." "But excuse me if I don't want to spend my precious time catering to the delusion that you're making a difference." "I have my own quilt of lies to sew." "That is a great speech." "Now, I would love to hear you give it again in drama class." "Hey." "Oh, hey." "I get really hot down here." "Well, nothing I haven't seen before." "I'm leaving now..." "but it's not because of... [sighs]" "I was gonna leave anyway." "All right." "Like, you just happened to come in here right before I was about to leave." "[Nicky] Great story." "Okay." "Goodbye." "[man speaking indistinctly on PA]" "Can I ask you a question, though?" "What?" "Why don't you talk to me?" "[groans] All right, what?" "I mean, we were intimate." "And I understand that we are never gonna be, like, girlfriend-girlfriend or whatever, but I thought, you know, maybe you'd at least be friendly... civil." "You thought that?" "Yeah." "And when do you have time to think when you're constantly talking?" "Yabba yammer." "Oh." "Wow." "I guess that answers that question. [scoffs]" "You use people and you throw them away." "That's your thing." "Now I know." "Hey, Soso!" "That's not my thing, all right?" "[shouting] I look out for my friends." "You just don't happen to be one of them." "[scoffs]" "[Marka] You want me to do what?" "We can't leave them in jail, all right?" "I'm responsible for this, sort of." "I thought you said this wasn't your idea." "[scoffs]" "I'm not going to argue with you the micro-details of who did what, okay?" "I'm not gonna leave my friends in there." "I'm not giving you anymore money, Nicky." "Thank God they didn't find any drugs on you." "Praise the Lord." "'Cause getting caught with drugs is so much worse than, uh... grand theft auto in the eyes of the law." "Doesn't that make a fuckload of sense?" "You don't get to take the high moral ground right now, Nicky!" "I know." "I'm sorry, Marka." "[stammers] I have a problem." "I admit that." "And I will do a better job dealing with my shit." "I just, uh..." "I don't know." "Maybe it's 'cause it's almost the anniversary of the divorce." "You know, I'm having a bad week, and I did this thing and I fucked up." "And if I'm serious about being a better person..." "Come on!" "It starts with me bailing my friends out of jail, okay?" "Mom, please." "Fine." "Fine." "You're probably gonna need more than that." "Use my credit card." "No, no, no, I'm good." "All right." "What are you doing?" "I'll give you a ride back to the police station." "I just need to take a walk, okay, and think a little." "But, um, thank you, Marka." "I'm so grateful, really." "I just, uh..." "Let's get a coffee soon and catch up a little." "I'd like that." "Pardon?" "I mean, is it something that animals did or did it start with cavemen or cavewomen?" "I doubt a woman brought it up first." "Great apes did have those teeth." "You know, I bet it was a caveman." "I bet he was like, [in deep voice] "Hey, Grog, you think fire's a big deal, but check this out!"" "[grunting]" "[Piper] Oh, whoa, whoa." "[blows raspberry]" "Though, if it was an ape... that would explain why we lost our sharp incisors." "For blowjobs?" "Yeah." "You're saying our mouths evolved to give blowjobs?" "That's assuming you believe in evolution in the first place." "I'm thinking about it." "Hey!" "Really?" "A hickey?" "What are you, 12?" "It was an accident." "You're trying to brand me..." "but I am not your fucking sex cow." "You're mine." "What does that mean?" "It means that I am gonna hurt you the next chance I get and take my power back." "You're acting insane." "I'm insane?" "Kubra knows exactly where I am now." "Do you have any idea the danger that you've put me in?" "[stammering] The" " I took" " You" "You know what?" "Forget it." "I can't." "Oh, it's so nice to see you guys back together." "We're not together." "She's my sex cow." "Oh." "Well, that's, uh... sweet." "You gonna come to drama class later?" "Are you serious?" "Have you met Berdie?" "She's amazing." "Yeah, we met." "She's my counselor." "Oh, lucky ducky." "I think I'm gonna sit this one out." "Oh, why?" "You don't have a job and they burned all the books." "[Sister Ingalls] Not true." "There is one book they were afraid to burn." "Mmm, I stand corrected." "There is a bedbug-infested Quran if you want to read that." "All right!" "Suit yourself." "Sheesh." "I took acting at high school, and we learned about masks, musicals and chlamydia dell'arte," "and that is from Europe." "[gasps]" "He claims it's not happening, but they don't tell us anything." "Probably afraid we'll cash in our vacation days." "We're not even people to them." "[Caputo] Hey, guys." "Hey." "[O'Neill] Hey." "[Ford] Hey." "So, Bell... how's it going with the house?" "Not bad." "I took out a home-improvement loan." "Good thing I have a steady job." "Yeah." "[Ford] It'd probably be really hard trying to sell that thing right now, huh?" "In this market?" "With a cracked foundation?" "I'd be screwed." "Uh, thankfully, we all have jobs we can count on so we can plan our futures accordingly." "[Ford] Mmm-hmm." "He's fucking lying." "He didn't say anything." "He didn't need to." "Crap, crap, crap." "Wait, did you really take out a loan?" "Yes, I did, baby, for the rumpus room, remember?" "Oh, crap." "Exactly." "[trembling]" "So, you're really jumping in headfirst, huh?" "How do you mean?" "Well, I tried setting up programs like this." "A little tip... don't expect too much... and if you want them to open up, you'd better bring a crowbar." "What's up, Berdie?" "Well, look who dragged their stanky asses downtown." "Oh, bitch, you ain't shit!" "That's right, I'm the shit." "Oh, nice." "Nice save." "Nice save." "Oh, look, it's Snow White and the Seven Freaks." "[Maureen] There's six of us." "[Rogers] You can count." "Color me impressed." "Have a seat, Rain Man." "Is she giving you a shot off your record to be here?" "[scoffs]" "[Healy] All right, great turnout." "And look who's late." "[in deep voice] It's Alex Vause, you dumb bitch." "What?" "[chuckles] Okay, everybody up." "Let's do a warmup." "We're gonna do a counting warmup." "[all] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven..." "[Taystee singing] ♪ Dear Lord ♪" "We are gathered here today to remember those that were martyred in the conflagration of three days ago." "It is a sad day when any book is not returned, or when it is returned, but with pages missing 'cause some fool needed to write a note, or they needed to wipe their nasty ass, but anyway..." "To have our entire flock taken from us is almost... beyond reckoning." "So we take this time to honor those titles that we've lost." "Go ahead, Washington." "Yeah, um..." "So, I've never been at a funeral for books before." "And, like..." "[scoffs] I feel like... there's nothing I can say that wouldn't be better said..." "in, like, a book." "Mmm!" "But books are made of paper from trees..." "Yeah." "...so we thought they should be returned to the trees from whence they came and everything." "The ultimate book return." "Yeah." "And now I'm just going to read some titles we all thought were worth honoring." "Great Expectations." "[Taystee] Solid." "The BFG." "Tight." "Damn." "The dictionary." "The dictionary, man!" "What are we gonna do in the world without a damn dictionary?" "Sister Souljah." "Oh." "A High Wind in Jamaica." "All the David Sedaris'." "Or Sedari, I guess?" "What's going on?" "We're having a memorial service." "For books?" "Yeah, for books and all printed media." "I didn't know you were such a big reader." "[speaking Spanish] I like reading more than I like living my actual life." "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre by B. Traven." "Have you, um, seen Bennett?" "No, I haven't seen him since before the weekend." "Oh." "Maybe his shifts got moved around." "Uh, excuse me." "Can you show some respect?" "Sorry." "My condolences." "Go ahead." "[Poussey] The Tale of Squirrel Nutkins." "[Taystee] Mmm!" "The Jonathans." "Mmm!" "Damn." "Swift, Lethem, Tropper," "Franzen, Kellerman, Livingston Seagull." "God bless." "[shoes thudding]" "So, you really believe all this mumbo gumbo?" "I don't know." "There's something calm about her." "She has, like, a quiet energy." "She's a mute." "Yeah, that helps with that." "[Leanne chuckles] -[Angie] And she's white." "So, I trust her magic more than the Spanish kind." "You'll believe anything." "You play the lottery." "That's different." "At least with the lottery, you know each time you play, your chances are a little better every time." "I don't think it works like that." "Like you know." "What'd you wish for?" "I'm not telling." "Why not?" "Because it's birthday wish rules." "You can't say." "[Kowalski] Hey, what the hell is going on in here?" "[Leanne shouting] What?" "[thudding continues]" "Oh, we're drying shoes." "They said to dry all the shoes." "In the dryers?" "Let me see the work order." "Fine." "[Leanne] Hey, are we gonna get more detergent soon, or what?" "We're almost all out." "I told Caputo we need to order more." "I'm not sure he really cares at this point." "You really should have ear protection." "Do you have any?" "No." "I just mean, in a perfect world." "[indistinct chatter on walkie-talkie] -[mouthing]" "[Angie] Leanne." "Leanne!" "What?" "What is this?" "My wish!" "My wish came true!" "[Angie squealing] -[Leanne shushing]" "Calm down." "[Angie] It's magic." "[Lorna] Frankie?" "Oh!" "Oh." "Frankie." "[mouthing]" "You have a phone call, Frankie." "Would you like to take the phone?" "Take the phone." "It's not a phone." "What is it?" "It's a dog." "[stifles laughter]" "[Lorna] No, it's not." "Agree to the situation." "Roll with it." "But she is clear-- [exhales deeply]" "All right, it's a dog." "Uh, my mistake." "And here is the phone." "That's not a phone, either." "What is it?" "A dick!" "[all laughing]" "I can't..." "I can't work like this." "I will not." "All right, settle down." "Yo, agree to the situation." "That's the rules." "I can't agree to that." "It's nonsense!" "[Brook] This is not how you're supposed to do improv." "I took a class at UCB." "Oh, good for you, Queen Improv." "This is not your kingdom." "All right, let's get someone else up here." "[groaning] -[Taystee] Ooh!" "Warren, you already went." "Oh, but you said I needed to sublimate my sense of abandonment issues in activities." "I don't remember saying that." "How about Chapman and, um, Vause?" "No, thanks." "I'm good." "Well, we're all good." "What's the matter?" "These two got history?" "You know, with all due respect," "I don't think that you're gonna get the greatest performances out of us today." "I don't want a performance." "I want to see you listen and react." "Show me some emotional honesty." "I want to learn how to cry on cue and shit." "Like, get real good, win me an Oscar." "Never have to buy my own clothes again." "[both vocalizing]" "Let's work on empathy, and then we'll worry about free clothes." "Vause, come on up." "Chapman, let's go." "Come on." "All right." "I need a location." "The moon." "Uh, grocery store?" "A grocery store." "You're the manager at a grocery store, and you are a customer, who's returning..." "A live grenade." "The moon." "[Maureen] A bruised pear." "[Rogers] A bruised pear." "No, cantaloupe." "Cantaloupe." "[Maureen] Uh, no, pear." "Pear." "[Rogers] You sure?" "Pear." "Uh, no, peach." "A bruised piece of fruit." "Sound good?" "No." "You're never supposed to start an improv with a transaction." "But whatever." "All right, try to keep it up for three minutes." "Begin." "[inhales deeply]" "This fruit is defective." "How so?" "It's all nasty and bruised up." "Well, it's organic fruit." "So if you don't like my produce, you can take your business elsewhere." "[both] Ooh." "[Alex] Oh, I can't, actually." "[Piper] And why not?" "Because then the scene would be over." "And she said we had to keep it going for three minutes." "Well, I don't know what to tell you." "It's fruit, so get over it." "I am over it." "You're obviously not." "You're not over anything." "[Alex sighs]" "But you know what?" "You get what you pay for." "When are you gonna realize that you don't get to do whatever you want because it makes you feel good?" "Oh, my God." "You are such a hypocrite." "No!" "You crossed a line!" "[Piper] I did?" "[Alex] Yes!" "[Piper] Do you think that this is what I want?" "To be here in this, um..." "In this grocery store?" "Mmm." "I'm sorry I sold you the fruit." "And, yes, fine." "I will admit it." "I knew it was bad." "I did." "But I wanted my power back, too." "Because I wanted you back." "Because..." "I missed you... and I missed your... patronage." "So, I sold you bad fruit so you would come back into my store." "And I know it was wrong, and I'm sorry." "But I'm also not sorry, because it is... so... good... to see you... customer." "Would you, maybe, like another piece of fruit?" "This is..." "It's a persimmon." "Mmm-mmm." "That's a dick." "[all laughing]" "You know I have a thing for soft fruit." "[Black Cindy] Bow-chicka-bow-bow!" "[all cheering]" "All right." "Good work, good work." "[inmates chattering]" "You really want out of here, huh?" "[stammering] Do you not want out?" "Eh." "I don't really care, you know?" "So, it's like, if it does happen, then it'll be a nice surprise." "But then, if it doesn't, then it's like I didn't care to begin with." "It's kind of like a..." "double-reverse jinx blocker." "[Pennsatucky laughs]" "It's a good strategy." "I thought so." "No, it's good." "Hey." "Hey, Boo." "[Big Boo] Hey, Doggett." "How are you?" "You mind making like The Exorcist?" "What?" "I can't." "I don't lay hands anymore." "Get the hell out of here." "Oh." "I get it." "I get it, you're cute." "Yeah?" "All right, how about this one?" "[clears throat]" "How about I make like the two feet and get to walking?" "Oh." "[chuckling]" "Yeah, that's gold." "Solid gold." "[Pennsatucky] All right." "I'll go." "Boo, before you start in, I don't know where it is, all right?" "There's too many junkies." "It, like, could be anyone." "Yeah, you're right." "It could be anyone." "Only, I'm thinking it's one in particular, hmm?" "One who was reluctant to give the shit up in the first place." "Oh, yeah, yeah, you mean me?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "I took it all, yeah." "You caught me." "Good, 'cause I'd rather not make thousands of dollars, you know?" "I don't." "Uh, committing suicide with dope after being clean for two years is the much better plan." "I'm a genius. [scoffs] [mouthing]" "You best not be lying to me, bitch." "Give me a fucking break, huh?" "Marka wouldn't give me the money." "All right, what am I supposed to do?" "You want me to break you out of jail?" "[scoffs] All right, come on, man." "Look, Drew, I mean, seriously, you can't dump all this shit on me." "Is that Drew?" "Say hi for me." "Shh." "Drew?" "[whispering] Say hi for me." "[scoffs] Fucking people, man." "You know, I didn't force them to get in the cab, and now they're acting like it's my fault, like I should feel so bad they're gonna have to spend a couple nights in jail." "Some people like to blame everyone else for their problems." "Like my brother." "Pins everything on our dad." "I'm like, "Get off it."" "He molested me, too." "I turned out fine." "Tell you what, those two could use a couple of nights in jail, you know?" "Fucking whiny bitches, acting like the world owes them." "That all we have left?" "Yeah, that's it." "That sucks." "Hey, you know who else is a little cunt?" "That girl, uh, Monica, you know, that party on West End?" "Huh?" "That apartment with all the rare books?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Yeah, she showed me a signed first edition of The Old Man and the Sea that she said is worth a shit-ton." "I bet that girl can't even fucking read." "Shit, do you know how to get into that building?" "Yep, they leave the door open during the day for the dog walker." "Maybe, if we make enough off of these books, we can help out Drew and Jade." "Oh, yeah." "That'd be nice." "You know, let's play it by ear." "[groans] For crying out loud, Norma, come on, can't you just keep this shit in the kitchen?" "We don't like the kitchen." "We like Norma." "Get off my floor!" "Look, Norma doesn't even know what she's doing." "No offense." "That's not true." "She has powers." "Powerful powers." "[Angie] I prayed to Norma for deliverance, and deliverance felleth from the sky." "[scoffs]" "I'm telling you, what Elvis did for music and Eminem did for rap," "Norma is gonna do for jungle magic." "[Leanne chuckles]" "Fuck!" "[sighs]" "Fuck!" "Luschek." "Remember when I..." "What the fuck?" "All right, listen." "Remember when I said the heroin was stolen?" "Yeah." "Okay, well, I'm the one who stole it." "All right, but now" "Now the meth-heads have it, and we need to get it back." "[sighs] All right, look, man, I'm sorry, all right?" "I couldn't say goodbye, I'm an addict." "How convenient." "Well, it's not, actually, for me or anyone around me." "Didn't that shit, like, kill you?" "Like, didn't your heart stop?" "Man, it's not a rational thing, you know?" "But I want it out of here, I really do." "I can't trust you." "You're gonna fuck it up for both of us." "I'm not gonna fuck this up, okay?" "I've made up my mind." "I don't want to die again, all right?" "[stammering] There is no white light for me." "If we don't get this stuff out of here, it's gonna find its way back to me, or me to it, you know?" "I'm like a bloodhound for oblivion." "Well, oblivion doesn't make a great business partner." "It'll be different this time, all right?" "I swear." "Just, you got to trust me." "[line ringing] -[breathing shakily] [cell phone ringing]" "Hello?" "Hey, could you take those two club chairs, put them right in there?" "And then when the sofa comes, I want it against the wall here." "Thanks." "Hello?" "Hey, Natalie, it's Joe." "How's Albany?" "[scoffs]" "It's a burgeoning tech valley." "What do you want?" "Congratulations to you on your win." "I'm sorry I didn't call sooner." "It's been crazy around here." "Yeah, I hear they're shutting down the camp." "How do you know that?" "Oh, Jason hears everything." "Joe, I am so sorry." "It's dark times." "Dark, dark times." "For you." "Yes, my times are dark." "[sighs] Actually, I was calling because I thought maybe you can talk to Jason." "Talk to Jason about what, Beer Can?" "About not closing the camp." "Maybe there's an emergency fund or something?" "Oh, yeah, that's not really in his purview, more of a federal issue." "Look, Natalie, I know you hate me." "And, obviously, I, um..." "Think about everybody else." "Think about Bell, Maxwell, Ford..." "I am so sorry." "You know, I am really bad with names." "[knocking on door]" "Nat?" "Can I get your advice about the floor runner?" "It's looking a little country with a "K" to me." "One second." "You know what, Joe?" "I really got to run." "But it was so nice catching up." "Maybe I should talk to Gavin instead." "Is that a name you remember?" "Gavin?" "Your husband's butt boy?" "What are you doing?" "Are you trying to threaten me?" "No, of course not." "I'm just suggesting that if the prison was to close, basically because you fleeced us before running off to Albany," "I might be inclined to inform the voters of your district that your husband is a lying, embezzling fudge packer." "That's offensive." "I know." "Homophobia is a bitch." "I could see why you'd want to keep it a secret." "Joe, what's done is done." "There's no magic wand." "Really." "I believe you." "So, what is the point?" "I don't know." "A sense of justice, maybe?" "Dark times." "I'll take my pleasures where they come." "Joe, you have to take a macro view on these things." "I'm in a position now to make changes for the greater" "Burn in hell, Natalie." "[receiver slams]" "[Healy] Katya... all I want is for you to be happy." "[speaking Russian] All he wants is for you to be happy." "[speaking English] I don't know why, but we've lost the feeling we had in the beginning." "[speaking Russian] You've lost that feeling you had at the beginning." "[speaking English] We never have real feeling at beginning, because you're not the man you say to me on Internet." "You catfish." "Catfish?" "[speaking Russian] I thought he was a real psychologist." "I thought we'd go to the museum, the opera." "I thought he'd be funny." "He seemed funny online when he could edit himself." "Mmm." "Um... [speaking English] You're not a real psychologist." "You don't go to the opera, and you're not funny." "[speaking Russian] He yells at me." "[speaking English] And you yell." "[speaking Russian] And drool." "Every morning the sheets are soaked like a small child has peed the bed, but from his face." "[sighing] [speaking English] It..." "It doesn't translate." "Look, I have not been perfect, but there's nothing wrong between us that we can't work through together." "No, it is too late." "I deserve better man than you, Sam." "Oh, give me a fucking break." "Deserve?" "Deserve?" "You're a mail-order bride." "I'm not a mail-order bride." "[speaking Russian] Whatever." "You "made an arrangement" and he's holding up his end of it." "And you're the type who wants the world to be perfect but you're not willing to lift a finger to help it along." "He's not the man you thought he'd be because the man you thought he'd be doesn't exist." "This is what a good man looks like." "So what if he drools a small pond?" "He takes care of you, doesn't he?" "He takes care of your mother, and he's handsome, and he's good." "And at least he's fucking trying, which is a lot more than I can say for you." "[woman speaking indistinctly on walkie-talkie]" "Hello?" "[inmate sighing]" "[Luschek] Hey." "Get up." "[Angie] Hey, what?" "Get up." "[grunting]" "You're high." "[exhales] No." "What?" "No." "I just..." "I haven't been sleeping well recently." "Look, I'm gonna give you one chance." "Either you tell me where the drugs are, or you rot in Max for the rest of your sentence." "That's not much of a choice." "What's not much of a choice?" "Oh, shit." "[Luschek clears throat]" "Come on." "God damn it." "Upsie whupsie." "[groans] [plastic crinkles]" "Hey." "This it?" "Yeah." "Hey." "Don't..." "Those are my tits." "Liar." "These aren't tits!" "I'm bringing these to Caputo." "Then why are you putting her tits in your pants?" "He's taking them for himself." "Shut the fuck up!" "You tell anybody about this, and I will fucking kill you!" "With murder!" "You understand?" "Ooh." "Jesus Christ." "This is enough to kill a sperm whale." "Eh, well, ready your harpoons, huh?" "[Nicky chuckles] [woman speaking indistinctly on PA]" "Ooh." "Hey, man, what's your problem?" "It's not for you." "You're done, remember?" "Look, I'm just saying goodbye." "Again?" "How many goodbyes do you need?" "Jesus Christ." "You're like Gollum with the ring." "You're a better person... off heroin." "You never saw me on heroin." "I get the picture." "[Nicky chuckling]" "You tell Boo about this?" "I mean, I probably should, but, like, eh, fuck it, it's Boo, you know?" "Don't tell her." "One less fuck-up to expose the conspiracy." "Actually, this is a good thing that we're doing, getting this shit out of here." "I don't like the idea of you or any of the other poochies around here getting hooked on this poison." "What, but some random schmucks in Utica is fine?" "We don't know 'em." "Come on." "Some sick thinking you got there." "Hey, Guerrera." "That guard's back." "Mmm." "The cute one?" "Yeah." "Right outside." "[Lea] Mmm." "[Annie] He smells good, too." "[Lea] Mmm-hmm." "[inmates chattering]" "Can I help you?" "No." "[Leanne] Hey." "[Ford] What?" "We know where you can find drugs." "You ratting someone out?" "Yeah, but not one of us." "One of youse." "Move along, inmate." "Yeah, but..." "You heard me." "[woman speaking indistinctly on walkie-talkie]" "Don't you at least want a hint?" "Move along!" "Okay." "Okay." "Electrical." "Look in electrical." "And in Luschek." "[both moaning]" "Mmm." "Pull my hair." "What?" "Just pull my hair." "[grunts]" "Ouch!" "Sorry." "Don't..." "Don't apologize, Alex." "Just fucking, like..." "[grunts]" "Oh, God!" "You know, like..." "No, it's just..." "It feels weird now." "What are you-- It's not the same." "It's not the same." "It just..." "It feels weird." "I don't, like..." "I don't wanna hurt you." "[sighs]" "Fucking empathy!" "I knew that class was a bad idea." "What are we gonna do now if we can't have hate sex?" "Hate snuggle?" "[scoffs]" "I don't really think that that's a thing." "Nobody's even heard from him." "I bet he got another job." "Good-looking guy like that has tons of options." "He has one leg." "[O'Neill] Yeah, but... a pretty face is worth 1,000 legs." "Hey." "Did an inmate tell you something about drugs?" "Something like what?" "That there's drugs in electrical." "You want us to shake down a guard now?" "Don't we have it bad enough?" "You knew about this, too?" "Those two dum-dums were squawking all over camp." "Then why didn't any of you do your job and report it?" "You have a responsibility to protect the safety and welfare of these inmates." "What about your responsibility?" "To us?" "I have a daughter at home." "You won't even tell me what's going on so I can know if I should look for another job." "Put your sandwich down." "Why?" "Because I said so, and you will do as you're told, or you will clean out your locker today." "[indistinct chatter on walkie-talkie]" "I am sorry." "The prison is closing." "But I need all of you to continue to do your jobs effectively until it does." "Do you understand me?" "[shouting] Do you understand me?" "Now, you are gonna come with Donaldson and me, and we're gonna perform a search." "Is that clear?" "Yes, sir." "[Caputo] Good." "Let's go." "You can take your sandwich." "You want us to come?" "No." "Good." "Hey, Luschek." "Aren't you worried about leaving computers with inmates?" "Well, maybe if any of you were technically savvy, or Asian, but, uh, we screen for that." "Hey, uh, Nichols, come here." "I want to show you a trick with this switch-y thing." "[indistinct chatter on walkie-talkie]" "Uh..." "It's done." "Mark said it's the best stuff he's ever tasted." "So, you're a happy man?" "[scoffs] Happy?" "Fuck happy." "I'm rich." "Don't spend it all in one place, all right?" "I won't." "I'm hitting this casino in Oneida." "Come in to invest." "You sure that's a good idea?" "Scared money don't make no money." "[Nicky chuckles] Oh." "Don't forget to put my share in my commissary, okay?" "You got it, partner." "[door opens]" "Inmates, on your feet." "Stand in a line." "What's going on?" "Drug sweep." "You high?" "Huh." "Please." "High on life, maybe." "Smoked a big old bowl of life before I came in today." "Funny." "Search his desk." "I was just joking, but, uh..." "Fine, go ahead." "Ah." "Found something." "Looks like coke." "[Donaldson] No." "It's heroin plus gum." "[Caputo] Wow." "Heroin." "I always knew you were a fuck-up, but I never pegged you for a junkie." "[scoffs] Why do you assume it's me?" "[Caputo] It's under your desk." "[Luschek] Everyone has access to my desk." "It doesn't mean shit." "It's her!" "She's a fucking junkie." "Who, me?" "[scoffs] It could be anyone." "You're the scumbag." "Scumbag." "Seriously?" "You're gonna talk to me like that?" "I don't even do drugs, man!" "I used to smoke marijuana." "But it made me paranoid!" "And so did meth." "But heroin?" "Fuck, no." "It's her." "What is this?" "This is hearsay." "You don't even have any evidence!" "[Caputo] Be quiet." "It's her." "I suspected her for a while." "All right." "Take her out, down the hill." "What?" "You're done." "[Nicky] What the fuck is happening?" "Mr. Caputo." "What the fuck?" "Max!" "Mr. Caputo!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Max?" "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "We will not tolerate this!" "[Nicky yelling]" "You bring drugs in here, you will suffer the consequences." "Yeah." "[softly] They're taking her out?" "[Luschek] Let this be a lesson to all of you." "Drugs destroy lives!" "Never trust a fucking junkie!" "[Luschek sighs]" "Even if the burglary charges are dropped, you were carrying a lot of heroin." "You're still looking at 5 to 10 years, even if we cop a plea." "Up to 10 years?" "What kind of a plea is that?" "We'll work on getting your sentence reduced." "[scoffs]" "To what?" "Only, uh..." "Only eight years?" "Oh, hey, do I get a free mug, too?" "[stammers] This..." "This is just great, right?" "This, this is fucking classic, this guy." "All right, see..." "So, you bend over backwards, and then I'm the one that winds up getting fucked?" "It is the best possible outcome at this point, Nicky." "Yeah, well, maybe if you'd done something." "I don't know, maybe done something sooner, it never would have gotten this bad." "What are you talking about?" "What?" "All right, come on, right?" "I have a problem." "I needed help, you just gave me money!" "I gave you money so you wouldn't steal." "Apparently not enough." "What was I supposed to do, Nicky, lock you in a tower?" "[Nicky sighs]" "All the rehabs, all the promises..." "And it's not just the drugs." "It's something about the way you're wired." "You have this..." "unquenchable thirst to self-destruct." "And, you know, someday you will." "Hey, uh, on the bright side, at least I'm going to jail, so, you know, I'll be out of your hair, huh?" "You think that makes me happy?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "I'm your mother." "I love you." "But I am no match for you." "[scoffs]" "Only you can save yourself at this point, Nicky." "So you can decide to take yourself on, or you can let this thing play out until it kills you." "I'm not the enemy." "Uh-huh?" "I never was." "[sighs]" "Right." "[sobbing]" "You look exhausted." "Rough day at work?" "What the fuck are you doing here?" "What's that?" "Business plan, Management and Corrections." "It's a prison corporation." "They were poking around Litchfield about a year ago looking to acquire a women's prison, but we didn't meet their criteria." "Why would it be any different now?" "Because now you know the criteria." "Give them a call, set up a walk-through." "And then what?" "Lie?" "[scoffs]" "And you thought my job would be easy." "So long, Beer Can." "See you, Fangs." "Nicky, baby, what's happening?" "Stay back!" "[Red] I need to talk to her!" "I need to talk to her!" "I'm her mother, God damn it!" "Nicky, what happened?" "Where did this come from?" "I thought you were doing okay." "Wow." "I'm a fuck-up, huh?" "You know you could have come to me if you were struggling." "I know." "Then why didn't you?" "Because that's not what I do, okay?" "I love you. [sobbing] [sobbing] I love you, too." "Down the hill to Max." "All right." "[clears throat]" "Hey, Nichols." "You wanted out, you're getting out." "Yeah." "How 'bout that?" "Hey, look at the bright side." "Can't get any shittier." "I don't know about that, Penn." "I'm very resourceful." "Hmm, well, you know." "Did you say goodbye to your people?" "What people?" "All the dykes and your mom." "Red's not my mom." "Wouldn't wish that on her." "I wouldn't wish that on anyone." "[melancholy rock playing]"