"Subtitles by Kachan" "Ever had one of those nights that starts out like any another but ends up being the best night of your life?" "It was the June the 22th, 1990" "Our final day of school" "There was Oliver Chamberlain, Peter Page," "Steven Prince, Andy Knightley and me" "They called me "The King"" "Because my name's Gary King" "Ollie was funny" "He fancied himself a bit of a player but" "Really he was all maths" "We called him "O-Man" because he had a birth mark on forehead that looked like a 6" "He loved it" "Pete was the baby of the group" "He wasn't the kind of kid we usually hang out with but he was good for a laugh" "And he was absolutely minted" "Steve was a pretty cool guy" "We jammed together, chased the girls..." "I think he saw us as rivals" "Sweet, really" "And Andy" "Andy was my wing man" "The one man I could rely on to back me up" "He loved me and I'm not being funny but..." "I loved him too" "There was nothing we were gonna miss about school" "Maybe Mr Shepherd" "He was definitely one of the good guys" "He used to ask what I wanted to do with my life" "I told him that just wanted to have a good time" "He thought that was funny" "It wasn't meant to be" "Not that night" "Newton Haven was our hometown" "Our playground, our universe" "And that night it was the site of an heroic quest" "The aim?" "To conquer the Golden Mile" "Twelve pubs along the legendary path of alchoholic indulgence" "There was The First Post, The Old Familiar, The Famous Cock The Cross Hands, The Good Companions, The Trusty Servant The Two-Headed Dog, The Mermaid The Beehive, The King's Head, The Hole in the Wall..." "All before reaching our destiny" "The World's End" "We took my car into town" "I called it the Beast 'cause she was pretty hairy" "And so, our journey into manhood began" "We were off" "We didn't waste any time" "We hit pub #1 and we hit it hard" "There was drinking, there was fun there was controversy, there were ladies, there was shots there was drama and of course there was drinking" "By pub #5, we were feeling invicible" "And decided to purchase some herbal refreshment from a man we called "The Reverend Green"" "Pint #6 put O-Man out of commission" "So we carried on without him" "Good thing, I bumped into his sister at the next pub" "We went into the disabled and I bumped into her again" "Sam tagged along for a while but then I had to let her go" "I had another date that night" "And her name was Amber" "Nine pints in and it was us against the world" "Things got mental in the Beehive so we repaired to the Ball's Club" "Or as we liked to call it "The Smoke House"" "Which is when it all went fuck up" "Everyone got paranoid and Pete chucked a whitey so we had to bench him" "In the end, we blew off the last three pubs and headed for the hills" "I remember sitting out there" "With blood on my knuckles, beer down my shirt, sick on my shoes" "Seeing the orange glow of a new dawn breaking knowing in my heart life would never feel this good again" "And you know what?" "It never did" "Thank you, Gary" "It was uh... enlightening" "Would anyone like to add anything?" "Or maybe challenge Gary?" "You disappointed?" "About what?" "You didn't make it to The World's End" "No" "Just what is it that you want to do?" "We want to be free" "We want to be free to do what we want to do" "And we want to get loaded" "And we want to have a good time" "And that's we're gonna do" "We're gonna have a good time" "We're gonna have a party" "She's a beauty" "Yeah" "But she's no Beast" "Hello, Peter" "Jesus" "Gary!" "The once and future king" "Were you at my house this morning?" "No." "I could have swore I saw you on my street" "I never been to Bishop's Gardens" "How you're doing, man?" "I'm well, you?" "Yeah, never better" "How's uh.." "Vanessa?" "No, your wife" "Vanessa?" "Yeah, how is she?" "She's good" "Have you had sex yet?" "We have two children" "Oooh, twice!" "Look at you, fuckmachine!" "We haven't changed, have we?" "What's he doing here?" "It's alright, dad, we're fine" "Hi, Mr P" "So Gary, how can I help you?" "He looks well" "Are you looking to buy a car?" "Uh, no" "I'm afraid the end is nigh" "What?" "The World's End!" "What do you mean?" "You know what I mean!" "One night, five men, twelve pubs" "Let battle commence!" "You want to try that again?" "Yeah!" "Isn't it something you always wanted?" "Not particularly, no" "Look, Peter" "We didn't make it before" "But this time, we're going to see it through to the bitter end or lager end" "We?" "Yeah!" "The whole gang!" "Even Andy?" "Why wouldn't Andy be coming?" "Well, I thought that after the accident..." "Not an issue" "He's in" "What we want to know is... are you?" "Well, i'd have to check with Vanessa" "Who's Vanessa?" "My wife!" "Since when do you have to check with your wife?" "Since we got married" "Oh come on!" "Don't you miss it?" "The laughs, the comradery the fights the hangovers so fierce, it feels like your head's full of ants!" "Maybe the first two" "It begins" "What's your new number?" "The same I had for ten years" "Yeah, what's that one?" "This entire row here, they'll have dormer windows above the front elevation" "Who's the helmet without an helmet?" "It's Gary King" "Knock, knock!" "What are you doing here, Gary?" "You're supposed to say "Who's There?"" "I can see who's there" "It's you" "I love what you've done with the place" "Bit drafty" "How's Selena?" "We divorced ten years ago" "Yeah, I know, just wondered how she was" "She's doing very well, apparently" "You got anyone else on the go?" "Yeah, I do as it happens" "She's a fitness instructor 26" "Pedophile!" "I'm kidding" "I'd love to meet her sometime" "No" "Why are you here?" "Haven't you heard?" "We're getting the band back together" "Not your bass player anymore" "I mean, we're getting the boys back together" "We can get the band back together as well if you want" "No, we can't" "You sold my guitar to buy drugs" "I've always wondered  what is that thing over the door called?" "That's a lintel" "So!" "The plan is we're gonna go back to Newton Heaven" "We're gonna do the Golden Mile and this time we're gonna make it to The World's End" "Everybody's in" "What, even Andy?" "Oh, you better believe it, big boss" "Andy is going drinking with you?" "With us" "Think about it" "Go back to the old times" "Sink a few pints" "Twelves pints" "Yeah" "Twelve pints is insane" "Uh uh, I know" "What's this all about, Gary?" "It's about closure" "You know?" "Why should getting older affect something as important as friendship?" "A lot has changed since then, Oliver" "Right" "This is our chance to take stock" "Oh, a stock take" "You make it sound so much fun" "Come on, O-Man, isn't it something you'd like?" "What I'd really like is you to take your DMs of the sofa" "Look" "If you're worried about me, don't be, alright?" "I am here to tell you that Gary King is back on the horse" "You..." "You're back on the horse?" "No, I mean, I'm back on the bike" "What bike?" "What do you mean?" "What's the bike stand for?" "Bicycle" "I'm lost" "Don't be" "Okay" "Listen" "This is our chance to finally finish what we started" "Come on man, it will be fucking mental!" "Ah, uh..." "I think we're all done so..." "Well, how... how do you like the property?" "Yeah, it's amazing" "Amazing location" "Fantastic" "Fantastic aspects" "It's just a little bit out of our price range" "He'll knock some off for you" "Well..." "What's it on for?" "1.2 million" "Fuck off!" "You have my card" "Gary!" "Wtf?" "Good to see you too, O-Man" "Please, don't call me "O-Man"" "Sure" "Hey, how's your sister?" "She's fine" "She talks about me?" "No!" "So friday, we're all going head together, make a road trip of it" "I'll drive" "No, I don't think I can" "I think I got a doctor's appointement" "Yeah you do!" "With Dr Ink!" "You know, Doctor...." "Yeah, "Dr-ink" I get it!" "Come on!" "It won't be the same without the O-Man?" "See the guys" "See how they're doing" "Tell them how you're doing" "You never know" "You might make it to the end this time" "Andy is... definitely coming?" "Yeah!" "Andy Knightley" "Tots!" "And you convinced him how?" "Mr Knightley?" "Felicity" "You have a friend here to see you" "No, I don't" "'Tis a bit grown-up, isn't it?" "Yep" "I saw the boys the other day" "Uh uh?" "O-Man" "Stevie-baby" "Uh-the-Pete-a-tron" "Yeah, I remember the names of our childhood friends, Gary" "We had ourselves ... a little idea" "Did you, now?" "Yeah, we're gonna go back to Newton Heaven" "Why?" "For some unfinished business...?" "That's a joke, right?" "Five guys, twelve pubs, fifty pints!" "Sixty pints" "Steady on, you fucking alky!" "I haven't had a drink for 16 years, Gary" "You must be thirsty then" "We can go back, see the guys, chew the fat and it will just like it always was, except this time... we're gonna finish this thing once and for all" "You have a very selective memory, Gary" "Thanks!" "You remember the friday nights" "I remember the monday mornings" "Yeah, that's why we're going back on a friday!" "I didn't even know there was a living Newton Heaven anymore" "Because it is a black hole" "It's boring" "It always was and it always will be" "It's only boring 'cause we're not there" "It's pointless arguing with you" "Exactly!" "So, come" "I'm picking everybody up from High Wycombe Station, friday 3 o'clock" "Sharp" "No, Gary" "Oh god, why?" "Have you got to chat with your missus?" "No, actually" "I don't have to chat with my missus" "What are you doing?" "I'm showing you the door" "Is it a door?" "Only it doesn't have a lintel" "And it's glass" "So is it a window, or is it a door?" "Maybe it's a ... windoor" "Get up that" "Please leave, Gary" "Alright" "Six hundred, wasn't it?" "Oh, uh..." "I thought you should know" "What?" "Mum died" "When?" "Couple of weeks ago" "The big...cancer" "I'm sorry" "She used to really like you, you know?" "Got me thinking about the old days" "Particularly that night, you know?" "'Cause we were so happy" "And, you know..." "I love the boys like brothers" "But, uh, when all is said and done..." "You're the best friend I ever had" "It was good to see you, mate" "Pete!" "Steven!" "Oh, god" "I had a horrible feeling I was going to be the only one here" "I reckon that's not the last horrible feeling you're gonna have today, mate" "This can't be happening, can't it?" "You've said it." "What the hell are we doing here?" "What we always did" "Follow Gary King into almost certain oblivion" "Hello, Steven" "Hi, mate" "Pete, hi mate" "Didn't we decide to stop calling "fearless leader" somewhere in 1992?" "Old habits die hard" "They'll be putting that on Gary's tombstone" "No they won't, you know he'll outlive us all" "That would be funny if it wasn't true" "Hang on a sec" "What?" "So, I'm just gonna decide which of us is the biggest idiot for coming" "Maybe he had an accident" "Oh, sorry Andy" "Sorry" "No, no, it's fine" "I think Gary having an accident would actually be the best outcome for all of us" "Including Gary" "Unbelivable" "Oh yes!" "Look at these cunts" "You're late" "No, I'm not" "Yeah you are." "You said 3, it's almost 4" "Yeah, 3 to 4" "You know your problem, Gary?" "You're never wrong" "How's that a problem?" "I can't believe you bought another Granada Mark II" "What do you mean?" "Well, this looks exactly like the car I sold you in 1989" "This is the car you sold me in 1989" "Best three hundred quid I ever spent" "This is the Beast?" "Yeah" "Pretty much" "Well, she's had a bit of work done to replace the uh... breaks, suspension, exhaust, seats... wheels, panneling, carburetor, manifold" "All engine, really" "Mirrors, headlamps." "Other than that..." "She's the same old motor" "You could almost say an antique" "Well, let's get this antique...on the road show!" "Come here, bell-ends, we're gonna be late!" "And we're back" "Just like the Five Musketeers" "Three Musketeers, isn't it?" "Four, if you count D'Artagnan" "Well nobody knows how many they were really, do they, Pete?" "I mean, history is a sketchbook" "You do know that "The Three Musketeers" is a fiction, right?" "Written by Alexander Dumas" "A lot of people are saying that about The Bible these days" "What?" "That it was written by Alexander Dumas?" "Don't be daft, Steve!" "It was written by Jesus" "Anyway, five sounds much better" "I think they missed a trick only having three" "'Cause if they had five, two could have died and they'd still have three left" "Are we there yet?" "Let's..." "DO THIS!" "Soup Dragons" "I remember this one" "Hey, I put this on a tape for you, didn't I?" "Yeah, this is it!" "This is the tape?" "Yeah, yeah, look!" "Where did you find it?" "It was in the tape player" "Oh, look!" "Is anyone hungry?" "[all] No" "I need to piss, actually" "This is a long piss" "If it is a piss" "Might be a little..." "Poo?" "How is it a poo?" "Still work for your old man, Pete?" "Yeah" "I'm a partner now" "You?" "I started my own firm in '98" "Got bought out in '05" "I'm happier, though." "Less stressed" "O?" "Property" "I own a boutique Estate Agency in [...] very competitive" "Is it family law you're in, Andy?" "Corporate" "Does anyone knows what's Gary doing?" "He's playing Need for Speed over there" "Hasn't changed, has he?" "I don't know" "He did finally pay me back that 600 quid" "Really?" "He borrowed 200 off me" "And me" "I can't believe him!" "I can't believe you'd do that!" "Of course I can" "It's just robbing Peter to pay Paul" "No, I borrowed from Peter to pay you" "I still owe Paul" "Oh shit!" "Newton Heaven!" "Take a moment to look upon it in its original colors, boys" "For tonight, we can paint it red" "Oh, no, no, no, no!" "Shit" "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, ..." "Oh no, it's okay, I did it all in the services" "Know why I pulled over you, sir?" "Was the music too loud?" "Your left brake light is faulty" "The old break lights!" "So called because they're always breaking" "I'll get that sorted out, officer" "Can I see your license, sir?" "Yep" "You know what?" "It's in my wallet" "And I left that at the bloody gym" "Any other form of identification?" "No" "It's all in my sport's bag" "It's bloody typical, isn't it?" "I give you my name and address" "You can run me through the old system?" "Go on, then" "Yeah" "Peter Page 48, Bishop's Garden, London, N2 T12" "Jesus, Gary!" "Wtf?" "Why did you give him my name?" "I'm not going to give him my name, am I?" "Suppose I get done by the police?" "You won't get done by the police" "Gary!" "He'll check the number plate against his name" "I know!" "Why do you think I gave him Pete's name?" "Jesus Christ, Gary, I own a car shop, I am a junior partner...." "So, Mr Page" "What brings you in Newton Heaven?" "Well, we're all from here" "We're just back to see the sights" "Have a crack at the old Golden Mile" "Might get a bit messy" "Well, you make sure you get that brake light fixed" "Then, you might want to do an inebriation test too" "Oh, and Peter..." "Don't make too much mess" "We won't" "I don't understand" "It's simple, Pete" "The car still registers to you and has been since 1989" "But I moved three times since then" "I know, I changed the logbook" "Where do you think all these points came from?" "Jesus, you guys need to relax" "Do you know how much trouble you can get into?" "Do you know how much trouble i'm already in?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Hey" "What the hell is this?" "Why are we even here?" "We are here to get annihilated" "Have you got any plans for dinner at all?" "Tonight... we will be partaking of a liquid repast... as we wind our way up on the Golden Mile" "Commencing by an inaugural tankard in the First Post" "Then unto the Old Familiar, the Famous Cock, The Cross Hands..." "The Good Companions, The Trusted Servant, The Two Headed Dog..." "The Mermaid, The Beehive, The King's Head... and the Hole in the Wall for a measure of the same" "All before the last bitter-sweet pint... in that most fateful terminus:" "The World's End" "Leave a light on, good lady" "For though we return with a twinkle in our eyes..." "We will in truth be blind drunk!" "Come on!" "Until 1840..." "Ah, fucking hell ...this building was the site of Newton Heaven's first post office" "Until an enterprising business fellow decided... that far from befitting the sending and receiving of mail" "It was perhaps better suited as an humble taproom... where weary travelers might get swatted" "Come on!" "It's like déjà vu" "I don't remember this, has it been refurbished?" "Been bought by a chain, I think" "Part of that nationwide initiative to... rob small charming pubs of any discernable character" "Starbucking, man." "It's happening everywhere" "Can't take away the smell, though" "I'm sure they tried" "Good evening, Raymondo!" "The prodigal sons return" "Eh?" "Who's on the guest list tonight?" "Come again?" "The guest ales" "We, sir, are doing the Golden Mile and you... have the honor of drawing first blood" "What do you recommend?" "There's one" "It's "Crowning Glory"" "Rather fitting" "How's that?" "I'm Gary King" "What?" "So, tell me more" "About what?" "Crowning Glory" "Is it nutty, is foamy, is it hoppy... does it have a surprisingly fruity note which lingers on the tongue?" "It's beer" "We'll have five of those, please" "No, sorry" "Can we have four of those and a tap water, please?" "What?" "I don't believe this" "A man of your legendary prowess drinking... fucking rain" "It's like seeing a lion eating some houmous" "Doesn't make any sense" "No, it doesn't make any sense" "You seriously have a problem with me not drinking after what happened?" "I don't" "But King Arthur does" "Oh, this will be good" "What's King Arthur got to do with it?" "Do you honestly think that King Arthur came back from the Battle of Hastings... fucking rocked up to Arthur's Castle..." "Camelot walked up to the bar and went..." ""Hello!" "Can I have a tap water?"" "No, 'cause they didn't have running water in Arthurian times" "Exactly!" "He would had a mead" "The King Arthur of beers" "I'm less of a man because I choose to drink water?" "Well, it's a bit "ooh, ducky!" "~", isn't it?" "It's not very PC, Gary" "Get out of the 90's, Pete!" "There's is nothing all "ooh ducky" about being teetotal" "After walking in a pub after a rugby match... and ordering a tap water in a bar... packed full of ugly bastards wearing warpaint" "That my friend takes confidence, yeah?" "I'm talking balls" "You said it, poof!" "I don't know if you're aware of this, Gary" "But we are not teenagers anymore" "And, God forbid you have everchildren..." "I have kids" "Then you better be ready to take responsability" "No, I mean, I might have kids" "You remember Karen Atkinson who I... fucked?" "She was two weeks late when her parents emigrated to Normandy" "I never heard from her again" "She might had a baby" "Imagine that" "A french kid" "It's pointless arguing with you" "To kids... wherever they may be!" "Kids" "Drink up" "Let's boo-boo" ""Boo boo", what is that?" "You remember "let's boo boo"?" "You know, from Mr Shepard's classroom..." "It said on the wall "Exit, pursued by a bear"... you know, from that Shakespeare play?" ""A Winter's Tale"" "Yeah, what is it called?" ""A Winter's Tale"" "That's it" "And if we needed to do a quick getaway, we'd say..." ""Exit, pursued by a bear"" "And it was "Exit, pursued by Yogi Bear"" "And then, it was just "Let's Yogi and Boo-Boo"" "And then "Let's boo-boo"" "So, you're saying we should go?" "Yeah, shitty here, isn't?" ""The Old Familiar"" "Now, this... is a pub" "Oh yes, this is more like it!" "Like, déjà vu" "David, my man!" "Have you heard the news?" "Gary King is back in town" "Who's he?" "How was the funeral, Gary?" "Your mum's funeral?" "It's difficult to put into words" "But, if I had to choose three..." "I would say..." "Really" "Really, sad" "Oh, no, that's two, isn't it?" "How about... really, very sad" "It's a shame" "She was a good woman" "I really liked your mum" "Me too, mate" "Me too" "Hello?" "Hello, mate" "Are you, here?" "Yeah, been here for ages, what are you telling me..." "Yeah, lost on the ring road again?" "This is Newton Heaven" "What time are you meeting the twins?" "The twins?" "We're all at "The Old Familiar", come by if you want" "Yeah" "He is" "Okay" "See you soon" "Who's that, O-Man?" "Don't... call me "O-Man"" "Gary, if you must know... it was Sam" "Sam's here?" "Is there a fucking echo in here?" "Yes, Sam's here" "She's down from Manchester driving to mum's tomorrow" "What, she's coming here?" "Calm down Steve, I saw her first" "Jesus Christ, not this again!" "Are you fucking kidding me?" "I saw her first" "Wow, you really have a selective memory, don't you?" "Somebody else was saying that" "Me!" "No, I would have remembered" "I told you I had a thing about Sam and you proceeded... to try to get into her pants at every opportunity" "Guys, please..." "You only liked her after you found out I liked her" "That's right!" "Because you did the school play" "Cabaret" "Because she was in it and she wore those fishnet stockings and you got a big boner on stage!" "Jesus Christ!" "It doesn't matter anyway" "She always had a massive wide-on for Adrian Keane" "I hate that prick" "Can we not... talk about my sister... in relation to..." "A) Massive wide-ons" "B) Steven's erected penis" "Alright" "Is she still fit, though?" "I'm not answering that" "Is she, though?" "Am I what?" "Fit" "Hello, Sam" "Steven, wow!" "You've grown, have you?" "Yes, sideways" "You look fantastic" "Steroids" "Andy!" "Wow, long time" "Hi, Pete" "Hi, Sam" "Oh hey, big brother" "Gary." "Willkommen" "Bienvenue" "Welcome" "Sam, would you like a drink?" "Hey, Steve, she just got here, come on!" "Sam, would you like a drink?" "I'd like a vodka tonic, thanks Steven" "Just gotta nip to the loo" "Cool" "Nature calls" "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "I'm going to the toilet" "Well then, so am I" "Gary, you are out of your mind" "What are you talking about?" "You gave me the sign" "What sigh?" "You went to the toilet" "Gary, are you serious?" "I haven't seen you in 20 years" "Do you really think I'm going to have sex with you in the ladies toilet?" "Well, the disabled are out of order" "Gary, what happened?" "I don't know?" "Maybe one of them put too many paper towels down the toilet" "I mean, we don't know what they're thinking really, do we?" "No" "What happened to you?" "Nothing" "Nothing happened to me, I'm same old Gary" "No shit" "So, do you wanna?" "Oliver?" "I'll see you later" "You're going?" "I thought you weren't meeting the twins for another half-hour" "I'm not" "Oh yeah, I believe this is yours" ""Out of order"" "Private joke" "I don't want to know" "What is that?" "Modern art" "Memorial, isn't i?" "Yeah, to modern art" "Hey guys, do you know what time it is?" "It's not even six" "Wrong!" "It's high time we go on to..." "The Cock!" "Let's go!" "Come on" "When you're ready, mate" "Oh shit, look who it is!" "Basil" "Mad Basil!" "Do you remember when we used to come in here and listen to him talk about... fucking UFO, and lizard-people and underwater Nazis?" "And some bullshit about how the Bermuda Triangle should be in a square" "No, he said it was two isosceles triangles forming a rhombus" "He was your best mate, wasn't he, Steve?" "No, he wasn't my best mate, Gary" "He was a lonely old guy and I felt sorry for him" "That's right" "Basil!" "Maybe we aren't the local legends you think we are" "Gary King" "Speak for yourself, mate" "You're barred" "I cannot fucking believe this" "This is ridiculous" "Leave it, Gary, it's not worth it" "Have two in the next one" "Have all in the next one, for all I care" "We gotta have one in every pub or everything's fucked" "I'll say it was fairly fucked already, mate" "Right" "How much of this do we have to endure?" "That was #3, there's 9 more" "Oh, good" "I need to eat something" "We could get some food in the next pub" "As long as it's reasonably healthy" "This is Newton Heaven" "Hardly the heart of the organic revolution" "I doubt it's the heart of anything" "My wife wanted us to go organic" "The problem is I kinda like eating shit" "The next pub does shit, keep up!" "Oh yeah, I remember this one" "We had New Year in here, didn't we?" "'89 to '90" "Isn't that where you slept on the pool table, Andy?" "Yeah, I believe it was" "Yeah for six hours" "Six hours!" "Thank you, flambée sambu" "Oh yeah" "Especially when you woke up, we said you've been asleep for a year... and that i was 1991 and you freaked out and punched a clock" "That was a great night" "And you managed to get off with Erika Leekes, Peter" "Yes, I did, something of a personal triumph... if I say so myself" "She of the Marmalade Sandwich fame?" "The Marmalade Sandwich" "The very same" "Erika Leeks, Tracy Benson, Becky Salt" "Two blonds and a redhead in the middle" "The Marmalade Sandwich!" "Becky Salt, fucking hell" "I wonder what they're doing now?" "Why don't you ask?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, sitting at that table over there are two blonds ...and a redhead in the middle" "Shut the fuck up!" "Erika Leekes on the left..." "Tracy Benson on the right... by process of elemination, that's Becky Salt in the middle" "And that's the Marmalade Sandwich all grown-up" "That is very spooky" "We should get them over" "Leave the past where it is" "It's bad enough I've gotta look at your old ugly mugs" "You make it sound like we're fucking ancient" "We haven't changed that much" "I mean, sure Steve let himself go a bit" "What?" "Pete still has the same haircut" "And Oliver still has his mark of the devil" "No, he hasn't" "No, he hasn't, it's called laser surgery, Gary" "It's a small price to pay to not be called fucking "O-Man"" "And that works for Sisters of Mercy tattoos as well" "I still like the Sisters of Mercy" "Good job or you never go swimming" "I'm lost" "Don't be" "Well I, for one, thinks it's nice to see your faces again" "Cheers, mate" "Excuse me, this taken?" "Is the seat taken?" "Have it, mate" "Thanks" "Wasn't that..." "Shane Hawkins" "Hey, didn't he..." "Yes, he did" "Hang on, who is Shane Hawkins again?" "I'd rather not bring it all up again" "If that's okay" "Hey, listen, Pete..." "Bottling up past trauma can lead to inedequate coping strategies in later life" "Apparently" "No, I don't know." "I mean, it's not even about the past" "It's not about the fact that he bullied me" "That he made me miss more school days than chicken pox" "It's not even that he forced me to spend entire lessons... hiding in a toilet cubicle" "Or that he punched me so hard he dislodged my eyeball" "It's not even that he ruined a large portion of my childhood" "No, it's the fact that just then... he didn't recognize me" "He looked straight through me" "Like it all meant nothing" "And that probably sounds weird, isn't it?" "Shots!" "S-H-O-T-S!" "Shots!" "What are you doing, Gary?" "I thought that was obvious, shots" "Firstly, Peter was talking about something... which clearly made him feel very uncomfortable" "That's alright, Andy" "No, Peter, it's not alright" "Secondly, twelve pints is more than enough" "And thirdly, I don't fucking drink" "But shots don't count, do they?" "You said you wanted to catch up and chew the fat" "I think you just wanted to drink here" "We're not here as your friends" "We're just your fucking enablers" "Enablers?" "It's a funny word, isn't?" "Enabler" "Gary King and the enablers" "It's a good name for a band, Steve, write that down" "Don't do it, Garry Gary" "Oh, is that a thing now, is it?" "It's always been a thing" "You don't need us to help you get fucked up" "You've done a perfectly good job so far on your own" "I am going to go and see if there is a bus back to London... if anyone wants to come with me" "But you can't go!" "This is special" "This is our anniversary" "It's not the anniversary, Gary" "We did this in June, it's October" "But, it's the anniversary of the year, isn't?" "Every year is the anniversary of a year" "It is not the same anymore, Gary!" "And it's not that the town's changed, we have changed!" "Yeah well..." "You can't go, 'cause the buses are finished" "Then I'm going back to the BB" "You coming?" "I could do an early one, actually" "I should probably go and find Sam" "Yeah, I'm gonna go and find Sam with Oliver" "That's settled then, yeah?" "You know what I think?" "I think you're jealous" "Yeah you've got your... houses and your cars and your wives and your job security" "You know what I have?" "Freedom" "You're all slaves" "And I'm free to do what I want" "Any old time" "And this is what you want?" "You should grow up, mate" "Join society" "Yeah, well..." "Mum died" "And we're all very sorry" "But now it's time to go home" "I thought we were home" "I can't help feeling sorry for him" "Don't" "Oh, fuck!" "Piss!" "Fuck!" "Careful" "Floor's a bit pissy" "Wasn't me" "That was me" "Did that back in 90's" "1990" "Punched the shit out of the wall" "I don't know why" "Seemed important at the time" "You guys look like you're having a great night, though" "I'm doing the Golden Mile tonight" "Tag along" "It will be like the six musketeers" "I said we're doing the Golden Mile!" "You think you're so cool, don't you?" "We were cooler" "We owned this town" "Paved the way for you lot" "Blazed a trail" "Hey!" "Look at me when I'm talking to you" "Please, don't" "Don't what?" "You don't want to do that" "Oh, don't I?" "What?" "I'm gonna kill him" "You need to explain this, right now" "Andy, this kid just attacked..." "Don't you dare change the subject!" "He smashed my head in the mirror" "So you know who I just spoke to?" "Your mum" "And not from the afterlife" "From fucking Bournemouth" "Is that real?" "She said she hadn't spoke to you for 8 months" "Andy" "His head just came off!" "No, Gary, you're not going to wriggle out of it this time" "W....t....f?" "Oh shit" "Get off!" "Get off me!" "There's someone in here!" "Gary!" "Hey!" "Andy, did you see..." "W...tf, Gary?" "Wtf" "What the fuck does wtf means?" "What the fuck?" "Oh yeah!" "This cannot be happening, can it?" "You said it, mate" "I can't believe it" "I know, mate" "I can't believe you lied about your mum" "That was a white lie" "How is that a white lie?" "She's not dead, is she?" ""Not dead"?" "Wait, wait, wait, where are you doing?" "To get help" "Dont, don't don't do that!" "What, don't get help?" "We don't know how far this goes" "Wait, who are you calling?" "Vanessa" "Who's Vanessa?" "My wife" "Why are you calling your wife?" "Because she's my wife" "You said we don't know how far this goes" "I was just thinking about the pub" "Oh, there's a surprise" "I can't get through" "If you get through to Sam..." "I got 4 bars and I'm not getting through" "Must be the network" "Holy shit!" "This is all connected!" "This explains why everything has gone fucked up!" "Everyone has been replaced by one of these" "That's why no one recognized us!" "Basil, Dave, Raymondo..." "I thought it was weird" "Shane Hawinks!" "Exactly!" "It's not us that's changed, it's the town" "I'm right, ain't it, Andy?" "Andy, am I right?" "You're never wrong" "Look, whatever the fuck is happening, we can't stay in the gents' forever" "Ten people have entered these toilets in the last five minutes" "Not a single one has come back out again" "That's going to look suspicious" "Gay loving" "And that's worse than five dismembered bodies?" "This is Newton Heaven" "How does it look?" "Normal" "Very normal" "I don't like it" "What do we do?" "Let's finish our drinks" "I say we neck these and get the fuck out of here" "To London?" "To The Trusty Servant" "Are you fucking kidding?" "Oh yeah" "It's The Good Companions next" "I always mix those two up" "Are you saying we move on to the next pub?" "Fuck, we should get back in The Beast and head back to London" "My brake light is broken" "So, don't you use the brakes" "I'm way over the limit" "When's that ever stopped you?" "I don't when to burn any more points on Pete's license" "Andy can drive" "He's teetotal" "That's settles it then" "The last thing we need to do is get pulled over by the police" "A) We're all drunk" "B) They might be in it" "And C) We got blood on our hands" "It's more like ink" "We got ink on our hands" "So, has it got messy yet?" "What?" "What are you, five pubs in?" "Four" "Ah, not even halfway" "Plenty more fun to be had" "Enjoy your night, Peter" "Thank you" "Thank you" "Sorry" "The way I see it, we told everybody we're doing the Golden Mile" "You did" "If we suddenly jump in The Beast now and head for the hills..." "They're gonna know that we know" "If we keep going where we're going and doing what we're doing" "Then, they're not gonna know" "Know what?" "That we know" "I suggest we finish what we started and leave quietly in the morning" "Wait, what are you suggesting...?" "We finish the Golden Mile" "It's pointless arguing with him" "Drink up" "Let's boo-boo" "We're just five friends" "On a night out" "Having a good time" "Drinking" "Beer" "Pubs" "Shall we?" "I feel a little uncomfortable drinking this much" "No, man, it's like Dutch courage, isn't it?" "You know, when the british soliders used to drink dutch gin... before battle to give them super strenght" "I thought it was to numb their sense of impending doom" "Exactly!" "We're just five friends, on a night out, having a good time" "I need the toilet" "Go on, then, you're earned it" "You're doing really good, Oliver" "He didn't make this far last time" "I'm proud of him" "You're enjoying this, are you?" "Yeah, five guys on a night out, having a great time" "Pretending to have a great time" "Are you pretending?" "If we get out of here alive, I'm gonna kill you" "We're still in the dark here" "Gary" "Our families could be in danger for all we know" "I know" "This mum could be dead" "For reals this time" "Hey, why don't we just ask somebody?" "Who?" "The Reverend Green" "Come on" "What the fuck are you doing?" "I'm gonna go and have a little chat with the Reverend Green" "You're gonna buy drugs?" "I'm gonna go over there... and subtly check if that is the Reverend Green" "And if it is, I can ask him what's doing on" "Possibly buy some drugs" "What if he's one of them?" "Me and the Reverend had a highly sophisticated code... when discussing the purchase of herbal narcotics" "If he doesn't understand me..." "It means he's one of them" "And I will simply walk away" "Have you got any drugs?" "I don't do that anymore, Gary" "Do what?" "That" "So, we're in a suit, is it?" "'Cause drug dealing is not good enough for you" "There are no drug dealers anymore, Gary" "I got a proper job and a proper office" "You had a proper office" "That was the gents toilets" "Nothing wrong with doing your business in the toilet" "Look, a lot has changed since you have left" "I know" "What do them know?" "Little" "How many is a little?" "Town's been taken over with robots full of blue stuff" "Keep your voice down, you don't even know what you're talking about" "Tell us then" "Well they're not robots" "Do you even know what robots means?" "Of course I do!" "It's like..." ""Hello-I-am-a-robot"" "It means "slave"" "Believe me, they're not slaves" "Are you their prisoner?" "No, I'm very happy" "Tell your face!" "What's going on?" "The town's been invaded by robots who aren't robots... and the Rev's their prisoner" "I'm not" "We leave first thing, we can get you out of here" "I'm not going" "It's not what you think, this is for all our benefit" "You've said too much, Trevor" "Yeah, put a cork in it, Trevor" "Just trying to help" "It's not your place to help" "They will have everything in hand" "Are you guys robots?" "Well, the word "robot" actually comes from a czech word... robotník" "Meaning "slave"" "And we're not slaves" "We're very, very happy" "And not robots" "Oh god, are these guys robots?" "Shup up about robots!" "I say we shut up about everything!" "Calling for Trevor, please" "Trevor?" "It's your supervisor" "Hello, Trevor" "Hello, sir" "But..." "I understand" "Thanks a bunch" "What did I miss?" "Your friends trying to help" "We don't need your help" "Well, what should we do?" "I suggest you get on your way" "I think we should do what he says" "Okay" "Five more, coming up" "Here we go" "Come on!" "Gary..." "Gary!" "Let's just get in and out of this one, yeah?" "No more making new friends" "Ah gentlemen!" "The prodigal sons return" "What will it be?" "One of our guest ale, perchance?" "Might I recommend five pints of Crowning Glory?" "Rather fitting, wouldn't you say, Gary?" "What... sorry, what?" "It's a delightful brew" "Hoppy, nutty, foamy" "Does it have a surprisingly fruity note that lingers on the tongue?" "You're obviously a connoisseur" "Then, you already know that it's a rare treat" "For rogues, reverends, royalty and all good folks between" "Five of those, please" "Welcome home, boys" "I don't remember him being that friendly" "He is obviously one of them" "How can it be that he remembered me?" "We don't know what they remember" "Maybe they have selective memories" "Yeah, like what's-his-name?" "Me!" "Maybe he's one of the others like the reverend" "It's very hard to tell, innit?" "Yeah, well he is one of them, or is he one of them?" "Wait, wait, which one is them again?" "Both "them", aren't they?" "But there's two way of saying it" "Is he one of them?" "Or is he one of them?" "We need different terms" "One for people that aren't robots" "And one for robots who aren't robots" "Alright" "We need to be able to differenciate between them, them and us" "Yeah, I think the pronous are really confusing" "I don't even know what a pronoun is" "It's a word that can function by itself as a noun... which refer to something else in the discourse" "I don't get it" "You just used one" "Did I?" "Yeah "it" is a pronoun" "What is?" ""It"!" "Is it?" "Christ!" "We just need to two fucking words so we can identify who's who" "He's a blank" "She's a blank" "Those two people are definitely blanks" "Sam" "Got this, Steven" "How is your night going?" "Good" "Sortof" "What do you mean, sort of?" "Well, it's weird isn't it?" "You come back, and everything is the same, but" "Sort of different" "Different how?" "Just weird" "How weird?" "What are you getting at, Gary?" "Come with me!" "For fuck's sake, Gary, take a hint!" "It's alright, I'm not trying to have sex with you." "Why are we in the disabled toilets then?" "There's something I need to tell you right now" "Unless you do want to have sex, in which case I'll tell you afterwards" "Tell me right now" "Have you noticed anything creepy about the twins, apart from the fact that they're twins?" "Just because they're twins doesn't automatically make them creepy" "It does a little bit" "You had sex with them" "A :" "I did not and" "B: how did you know about that?" "A: it's a small town" "B:" "I'm not stupid and C: they told me" "Right, well, I did." "Once." "But I was wasted." "Which was creepy 'cause it was like there was four of them" "I'm not proud of it" "I am a bit" "Is this what you wanted to tell me?" "No, this is" "You okay, Sam?" "I need a cigarette." "No-bots" "How about faux-bots?" "I don't think we should get away from the whole robots thing" "Steven?" "What's he up to?" "Oh don't worry he's probably just trying to fuck Oliver's sister" "Andy!" "Oh my god that man is full of shit" "I know that's not a surprise to you" "What did he say, Sam?" "He said that Newton Haven has been taken over by robots" "Full of blue stuff" "And, if we don't do what they say, they'll make us their prisoners!" "Did you believe him?" "No, of course not!" "Did you believe him?" "What?" "See?" "Come on Sam, you know better to believe Gary King" "Oh crumps!" "Sam!" "Trade us a ciggy?" "Gary, what's happening?" "I told you in the disabled's" "Oh, yes, you did" "We should get inside, eh?" "Otherwise people are gonna ask what the hell's going on" "What the hell's going on?" "Steve, I've got this" "Got what?" "Sam" "He's not good enough for you" "What?" "We have been through some crazy shit tonight" "And it's really put things in perspective for me" "And if everything is as fucked up as it seems... then there's something I need to tell you" "You might think this is because I've had seven pints but it's not" "It's not" "I'm in love with you, Sam" "I always have been" "And it breaks my heart to see you waste your affections on Gary fucking King!" "Hey, that's a bit harsh!" "Oh no you've got it all wrong" "There is nothing between me and .and while I'm being honest" "Just to lay it all out there" "I am currently seeing a fitness instructor" "She's 26 years old" "But I would drop her in a heartbeat" "If it meant that I had one last chance with you" "Steven, there is nothing between me and Gary King" "Oh fuck" "Sorry" "Hey!" "Get your feet of her!" "Yes!" "Rip its head off!" "Rip its head off like an aspirin bottle!" "Blue-blots" "Nothing suggested in the last three minutes has been better than smashy smashy eggmen" "No-nothing" "The hell is going on?" "Did you guys think of a name for the robots who aren't robots?" "I'm afraid we've drawn a blank" "Well we just had a barney with two blanks in the beer garden" "We have to leave now agreed" "Let's hit the mermaid" "Wait, what?" "Number eight" "Oh, fuck" "Andy, what's happening?" "Gary thinks we should keep up with the crawl" "Because they know what we're doing... but they don't know that we know what they're doing... and basically, no one else has a better idea" "So fuck it" "What?" "Wait!" "Guys, guys" "I've got a better idea, I'm parked right around here somewhere" "Follow me, just go, Steven, tell them!" "Gary said they'll get us if we try and leave now" "We're way past leaving now" "Come on!" "Oh yeah!" "This is where the kids went" "This is a bit mad isn't it?" "This is perfect we can hide out here" "I'll get the drinks" "Good plan, old man!" "Hey, keep an eye out for blanks" "You got it" "Why didn't you say anything?" "About what?" "About what you said in the garden" "I've always wanted to, it just never seemed like the right moment" "Something always got in the way" "There you go!" "Get there down, yeah?" "Thanks?" "Steven?" "Please, I have so much to live for" "It's me, you numpty" "Basil!" "I knew seeing your faces again would spell trouble" "Wait, how do I know it's really you?" "Because I'm the only one who's going to tell you the truth about Newton Haven" "Now, do you recall the events of the evening of June the 22nd 1990?" "No, but I know a man who does" "There you go" "Hey!" "See anyone we know?" "The Marmalade Sandwich!" "They look good!" "It's the lights" "It's the drink" "Who cares what it is?" "Steven?" "Steven?" "That was the night they arrived" "Remember the shooting star?" "That was them!" "Nothing happened at first, they were getting ready... burrowing in underground, preparing" "Not long after you lot left, people started to change" "One or two at first, then more" "They replaced people of influence, taking over the institutions" "Remaking, remodeling, refurbishing." "Doing everything they could to make us join them" "I can't find Steven" "Where are the others?" "They're blending in" "Oh crumps" "It's not like the replacements were evil, far from it" "People got a lot friendlier!" "That's how they do it" "It's not an invasion, it's immersion" "They don't want to get rid of us, not if they can help it" "They just want to make us more like them" "Change the way we think, bring us into line with all the others" "Become another link in their chain" "Which is fine, unless you say no" "That's when you get replaced!" "Once they've got your DNA, they've got you" "How do they do that?" "Any way they like : blood tests, [...], sweat, kissing, saliva on the rim of a glass" "Why do you think I drink with this crazy straw?" "Not so crazy now, is it?" "If you're not on their side, they'll create a version that is!" "they can bring you back exactly the same, or even make you young again it looks like you, it even has your memories." "But really, it's just a vessel to spread their message" "Trust, love, respect, desire" "Replaced in the name of progress" "So what happens to people who get replaced?" "The empties?" "Don't ask me what happens to them" "What happens to the empties?" "I told you not to ask me that!" "Go!" "Get out before it's too late!" "Basil?" "I said go!" "This just can't be good" "Sam, who was the boy that you liked in sixth form, Adrian...?" "Adrian Keane" "Why?" "He's over there" "Hey Sam, how's life?" "Sam!" "We have to get out of here!" "Where are the others?" "They're blending in!" "Oh fuck" "Gary!" "Oh no just one more song" "Gary, she's a Blank!" "Don't be so judgemental" "Oh yeah" "Come on!" "Still got it" "Enough's enough, let's go" "Woah woah woah." "Hold up, hold up." "Where are you all going?" "We're leaving" "Really?" "what happened?" "Adrian Keane was in that bar" "I thought you liked Adrian Keane" "Adrian Keane's dead" "Oh god" "Adrian Keane died in a motorbike accident in Italy eight years ago" "Did he?" "They must have had his DNA on file, that's how they were able to replicate him" "They're trying to get to us man, they know everything!" "They didn't know Adrian was dead" "They know enough to tempt us though" "They knew these three would fall for a bunch of girls in school uniform" "Hey, who wouldn't, am I right?" "Fuck yeah" "We gotta get out of town, we gotta get beyond it before it's too late" "Where are you getting all this from?" "Basil!" "Oh, Mad Basil?" "He of the bermuda rhombus and the aqua-nazis" "Another good name for the band, Steve" "You're putting our lives in the hands of a crazy old man" "He's not crazy" "No, maybe he's not or maybe he's a blank trying to lure us to the edge of town onto those dark country roads where they can deal with us" "Yeah, we could end up dead in a field" "I hate fields" "Yes, my thoughts precisely." "Steven's right." "We should go." "We are going to the beehive, Gary's plan is still the best we have" "Wait a minute" "1990 model Oliver was out of commission by this point in the evening" "What are you saying?" "I like the new you!" "Come on" "This is a mistake, isn't it?" "Stick with me" "Andy!" "Come on!" "Here we go, pub number nine" "Fuck yeah!" "That's the spirit" "Ooh, spirits." "We should do tasters" "Who is this guy?" "I dunno, come on" "Andy!" "We can't start without you" "You what?" "We can't start without you" "Now then, who's round is it?" "It's mine." "Mr Shepherd" "Is it Mr Shepherd?" "Why don't you kids join me?" "You look like you could do with a drink" "Now, let's have a little chat about your future, shall we?" "Uh, Mr Shepherd" "Please, call me Guy" "Alright." "Guy" "Are you a robot?" "Does anyone know what robot means?" "Ah, yeah, I do!" "Yes, Gary?" "Uh, it means "slave"" "Oh, very good Gary" "Are you a robot, sir?" "No Peter, of course I'm not a robot" "Sir?" "Yes, Steven" "But you're on their side though" "This is not about sides, Steven" "It's not about shirts versus skins" "It's about working together as one team" "I know it may seem a bit weird and a little bit scary, but..." "Please believe me it's quite the opposite" "They're here to help" "To straighten us out, to prepare us for the big league" "They've seen something in us" "A potential there's a vast community of worlds up there" "Living together peacefully, cooperatively" "And guess what?" "They want us along for the ride" "Pretty cool, eh, gang?" "So, they're not here to harm us?" "Far from it, O-Man" "They're here to help" "I'm not saying they're afraid to get tough" "I've certainly had to get tough with you in my day" "And what one amongst you wouldn't thank me for it" "In some respects, they're a lot like teachers" "Stern, yes" "A little frightening" "But it's all for our betterment" "So, what do you say we all go somewhere and talk about this properly?" "That wasn't properly?" "Well, I think it's pretty clear, guys" "What Mr Shepherd is trying to say, is that..." "Andy, what the fuck?" "Yes Andy, what the fuck?" "Wtf" "Humans!" "You leave us no recourse" "If you will not join us willingly... we will be forced to use other means of persuasion" "Now, flee" "I fucking hate this town!" "Oh, crumps you're heavy" "Sorry" "Motherfucker!" "Andy!" "Twist the Miller man" "Sorry, this is no way for a family to behave" "I'm so disappointed in you" "O-Man!" "Okay Andy, break it out" "It doesn't have to be like this" "It could be so much simpler" "So completely painless" "If only you'd see the light" "Yes." "See, it's not about conflict." "It's about togetherness" "Yes" "Let's try this again, shall we?" "How about another round" "Nah." "We're done here." "Yes, Gary" "It appears to be the case" "The smokehouse!" "What?" "Just do it!" "Come on!" "This way!" "Humans!" "This is your final order" "Failure to comply will result in your death" "Obey now, or face the consequences" "Let's go!" "Shit!" "Oh look that's my car!" "Let's climb down the drainpipe" "I got a better idea" "Climb down the drainpipe" "Okay, just go" "Wait, what about the others?" "With me, okay?" "I got this." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I always land on my feet" "I don't know if that's true, Gary" "Just go" "Will you find out what happened to my brother?" "Yeah, of course, of course." "And I'll look after Steve for you eh?" "He's a good guy" "He's better than me" "Gary, you're not a bad person" "But, you're not boyfriend material" "You know the whole free spirit quick one in the disabled's toilet thing... it's pretty cool when you're seventeen but" "Not when you're facing forty" "Comes a time you have to go forwards, not backwards" "Maybe if I hadn't left you behind that night, things would now be different" "It's not all about that night, Gary" "Isn't it?" "Doesn't have to be" "We'll always have the disabled's though, won't we?" "Yeah" "Yeah, we'll always have the disabled's" "Oh no!" "Where's Sam?" "I put her in her car" "You did what?" "I put her in her car and just told her to leave" "You just sent away the only one of us sober enough to drive" "Yeah" "You just couldn't stand the fact that she might prefer me to you" "That's not true" "It is true Gary!" "I was getting somewhere, we held hands!" "I was just trying to help!" "You're trying to help yourself, more like" "Jesus I do something right for a change and you fuckers get on my case!" "Wow" "That is the first time I've ever heard you admit being wrong." "I said :" "I did something right" "Yeah, for a change!" "So?" "Meaning the rest of the time you were wrong?" "Not necessarily." "I just thought it was best to keep her out of harm's way" "What about us, Gary?" "Are we in harm's way?" "We're alright, Pete" "Come on, we're the five musketeers" "No, we're the four musketeers!" "Wait" "How do we know you put her in the car?" "How do we know you're you?" "Of course I'm me" "But who the fuck are you, Gary?" "I'm Gary King" "There is only one Gary King" "How do I know you guys are you?" "We've been together the whole time" "But, you might all not be you" "How did you know O-Man wasn't O-Man?" "Because his birthmark was back" "What does that prove?" "Because of what Basil said" "They make your copy from your DNA" "That's why he had his birthmark" "He was new, like a baby" "Like a man baby" "Like a ma-be" "Oliver with none of the shit that happened to the real Oliver" "The laser surgery" "So the blank really are just blank?" "No wear and tear" "No scars" "Steven, in 1987, we were playing cricket and I accidently pushed... you on a broken bottle and it nearly went up your arse" "So?" "Show us your bum" "Very nice" "Thank you" "Pete, you got that 50CC Suzuki in '88... you let me have a go and I ran over your leg" "The fuck?" "Oh, right, it's the other one" "Andy, in 1986, we reenacted the knife game... from Aliens, and I stabbed you in the middle finger" "How about December 1997?" "When you OD'd" "When I drove you to the hospital four times over the limit..." "And I ended up rolling the car... and almost severing my femoral artery" "At which point you made a miraculous fucking recovery... and ran off into the night" "Leaving me to get arrested" "After 12 hours of life-saving surgery" "Either one of those would do" "Thank you" "What about you?" "That's easy" "That would have been drawn on" "Aren't all tattoos drawn on?" "Yeah" "Show us your arm" "What?" "Show us your arm" "No, I... no" "You fell off stage at the fifth year ball, fucking around... and dislocated your elbow" "You've got a scar where they put the metal plate in" "I don't have to show you anything" "Alright?" "I'm.." "I'm Gary King" "I know I'm me" "If I'm not me, then how do I know that carved in that beam... above your head are the words "King Gary"?" "But it doesn't say "King Gary"" "Yes, it does" "Doesn't it?" "No" "It says "King Gay"" "Well" "Some cunt scratched out the "r"" "That was me" "Why?" "King Gay" "It means fuckall anyway" "Mr Shepard remembered stuff, so did Oliver" "Selective memory" "Remember?" "We don't see you for years and you just pitch up and brings us here" "You better come up with some hard evidence that you're human" "Otherwise, we're gonna find out for ourselves" "You want evidence?" "There" "That proves I'm human" "Proves you're stupid" "Exactly" "It's Gary" "The whole town's out looking for us" "That's a good thing" "Everybody's outside that means that nobody is inside" "Gary, wait..." "Fuck" "Gary" "What do you mean nobody's inside?" "We can still do this" "Do what exactly?" "Ugh, we're still on the crawl" ""King Gay"" "Peter?" "Peter" "I thought that was you" "You okay?" "I'm... i'm a what?" "I know we didn't see eye to eye at school" "Goodness knows I regret that" "I wanted to say something back at the pub but..." "I felt so terribly ashamed by what I've done" "Let me make it up to you, Peter" "Please?" "Gary, you're out of your mind" "We've gone too far" "It's fucking suicide" "I know!" "We are gonna get to The World's End if it kills us" "Where's Pete?" "I hate you!" "You fucking monster" "Pete?" "I hate you!" "Pete, leave it" "Why are you doing this, Peter?" "Pete!" "We don't want to hurt you" "Come mate, it's not worth it" "Yes, it fucking is!" "Pete!" "What's he doing?" "Oh shit" "Pete!" "Pete!" "Pete, stop it" "I must say" "I'm very disappointed in you, Peter" "Fuck, what's that fucking lights are?" "No, no, there's too many of them" "Pete" "Pete" "We gotta go" "Gary's right" "We gotta get to the King's Head" "Exactly" "What?" "We are not going to the King's Head" "We're done" "We're gonna do what we should have done in the first place" "Get the Beast and get out here" "We are fucking leaving and we are never coming back" "Now, you can either come with us willingly... or I'm gonna knock you the fuck out and carry you there myself" "You choose" "Alright, alright" "Just think about what you're saying, y'know?" "'Cause... you have been drinking" "You fuck!" "Shit, it's the fucking kids" "Oh, not them again" "What the hell is that?" "I don't know but it's definitely not modern art" "Oh shit, we are trapped" "Where's the Beast?" "Okay... alright... we're here" "The Beast is in the next street" "How are you gonna get to it?" "Well, we'll have to go through" "Through where?" "I don't fucking believe this" "Number 10" "Come on" "Shit" "Let's go" "Back door... back door..." "Let's go" "Here we go" "Okay, there it is" "Shit" "We wait for an opening... and then we make it the Beast" "We need the keys" "Gary" "Gary" "What are you doing?" "Just a little toast" "Gary" "Put the pint down, yeah?" "To Oliver..." "Pete... and to us" "You know?" "'Cause ten pubs isn't bad" "It's not [...] in time" "Okay" "So close" "It's number ten" "Okay" "So close" "No, no, no..." "Gary" "Gary!" "Let him go" "He left you, man" "I can't" "Andy!" "Gary!" "Gary!" "Gary, come back" "Come back you stupid bastard" "Gary!" "Gary!" "Gary!" "Gary!" "Andy, look out" "Come on!" "What the..." "Get in!" "Get in!" "Gary, Andy..." "Get the fuck in!" "You heard him, Andy" "Get the fuck in" "Don't have much time" "Andy!" "Go, now!" "Steven!" "Go!" "Andy" "I want you inside me" "Okay" "Cheers" "No!" "You had enough" "This is The World's End, man!" "I know!" "Leave me alone" "Why do you care anyway?" "Because I fucking care!" "There's a reason I'm angry at you" "I know why you're angry at me, okay?" "But it's not my fault you crashed that car" "That's not the point" "You let me down, man" "You were Gary King" "Gary fucking King" "I would have followed you to the end" "I fucking have!" "Well, stop following me!" "No, it's just one more" "Let me have this" "You've got everything that you want" "What are you walking about?" "You got your perfect job and your perfect house and your perfect wife" "It isn't perfect" "She left me, Gary" "She took the kids to her mum's three weeks ago" "Said I'm not present enough" "I am trying to win her back" "God knows I am losing" "I will continue to fight" "Because that is how we survive" "For fuck's sake, Gary" "I just punched my wedding ring out of a robot's tummy" "Exactly, you fight for what's important" "What is so important about the Golden Mile?" "It's all I got!" "Gary!" "You need help, Gary" "I've got help" "You what help was?" "Help was a lot of people sitting in a circle... talking about how fucking awful things have got" "It's not my idea of a good thing" "And this is?" "They told me when to go to bed" "Me" "Gary" "Man" "How can you tell when you're drunk if you're never sober?" "I don't want to be sober" "It never got better than that night" "That was supposed to be the beginning of my life" "All that... promise and fucking optimism" "That feeling like we could take on the whole universe" "It was a big lie" "Nothing happened" "You don't need to do this, Gary" "Yeah, I do" "Please, stand by" "Please, stand by" "Please, stand by" "Please, stand by 12" "11 10" "9" "8" "7 6" "5 4" "3 2" "1 0" "Gary..." "What are you doing?" "No, don't go" "Gary King" "Yeah?" "Gary King, of the humans?" "Yeah?" "What do you want?" "We are here to enable your full potential" "As we have with countless worlds across the galaxy" "Oh yeah?" "How did you manage that, then?" "We appropriate a small percentage of the population... at 2000 or so penetration points across the planet" "This ensures maximum coverage" "From there, we create simulants" "To spread our ideologies" "Through peaceful indoctrination" "Our objective is simple" "Ready the population for participation in our galactic community" "This method requires ...a small sacrifice" "But the fewer replacements we make... the more successful we consider our operation" "Of course, we welcome those who volunteer themselves" "We can offer attractive incentive... for those who willingly come by" "The chance to be young again... and yet retain selective memories" "Isn't that something... you'd like?" "Something... you always wanted?" "Oh my god" "I'm so cute" "The beauty of our system is... that we all win" "There are no losers" "Allow me to carry your legend forward" "May the man you have become... be the boy you were" "No" "There's only one Gary King!" "Then, you have made your choice..." "Gary King, of the humans" "Yeah, I have" "Because, frankly..." "Who the fuck are you to come down here and tell us what to do?" "We are the Network" "And we are here for your betterment" "In the last 23 years..." "Have you not marvel as information technology's surged forward?" "No" "Earth has grown smaller yet... greater as connectivity has grown" "This is our doing" "And it is just the beginning" "Aw, fuck off you big lamp!" "You are children and you require guidance" "There is no room for imperfection" "Hey, earth isn't perfect, alright?" "And humans aren't perfect" "And guess what?" "I ain't perfect" "And therein lies the necessity for this intervention" "Must the galaxy be subjected to an entire planet of people like you?" "Who put you in charge, eh?" "Who are you to criticize anyone?" "Now, you might think that Gary is a bit of a cock... and he is a bit of a cock" "But he's my cock" "Oh thanks, mate" "But he is a detriment to himself... just as earth is a detriment to the galaxy" "What... what did you say?" "You act out the same cycles of self-destruction again and again" "At this point, your planet is the least civilized in the entire galaxy" "What did he say?" "He's saying we're a bunch of fuckups" "Hey!" "It's our basic human right to be fuckups" "This civilization was founded on fuckups" "And you know what?" "That makes me proud" "And me!" "What is it that they say?" "To err is..." "To err is human" "So, err..." "We do not believe you speak for all humanity" "You are but two men" "Two drunk men" "Three drunk men!" "Stevie my man!" "Enough!" "You're back!" "Enough, humans" "Oh you are in trouble now" "If only three fucking musketeers..." "You are revolting against the wisdom of countless solar systems" "Yeah, we are revolting" "Wait" "You just said you're not here to conquer" "Can I just ask..." "How many people did you have to replace in Newton Heaven?" "That is irrelevant" "Is it?" "Hands up" "Who here... is human?" "I'm human" "One" "And me" "That's two!" "I am" "I don't know for how long" "Basil!" "So what's that?" "Three?" "You actually replaced an entire town" "Not the entire town" "Well everybody apart from old nutball and the shifty twins" "That's a good name for a band, Gary, you should write that down" "I will" "What about the ones you replaced?" "Like..." "Peter and Oliver" "Yeah!" "What happens to the empties?" "I told you not to ask that" "Redundant vessels are recycled, mulched and converted into fertilizer where upon they are returned to the earth to promote verdancy and growth" "It is an highly efficent mean of organic renewal" "Mulch?" "It is a relative few in the light of our long term plan" "You mean a few hundred thousand to fucking compost" "What about the other places?" "The penetration points" "Are they as sucessful as Newton Heaven?" "Because..." "I'm guessing we're not the only glitch in your system" "It is true, the Network has been experiencing some difficulties" "I think you bite off more than you can chew with earth, mate" "Yeah, 'cause we are more belligerent... more stubborn and more idiotic than you can possibly imagine" "And I am not just talking about Gary" "Yeah!" "There's more than one Gary King" "But you said..." "I fucking know what I fucking said!" "Your reliance of profanity is a measure of your immaturity as a man and as a species" "Why don't you just get in your rocket... and fuck off back to Legoland you cunts" "Yes!" "Stop fucking starbuckin's us, man" "Yeah!" "It's our duty to challenge you" "Just leave us to own our devices, you intergalactic asshole" "You misunderstand!" "We are..." "Nobody's listening!" "If you don't need..." "Face it!" "We're the human race and we don't like to be told what to do" "Just what is it that you want to do?" "We want to be free!" "Yeah!" "We want to be free to do what we want to do" "Yeah!" "We wanna get loaded" "And we want to have a good time" "And that's what we're gonna do" "It's pointless arguing with you" "You will be left... to your own... devices" "Really?" "Yeah" "Fuck it" "They fucked off!" "Yes, yes!" "Up yours!" "Up yours!" "Up yours!" "Yeah, we did it!" "We won!" "Gary!" "Let's boo boo!" "Yeah, shitty here, isn't here?" "Boys!" "Up here!" "Go!" "Go, go, get up" "Run!" "Well done" "Thanks a bunch" "Had to go and spoil it, didn't you?" "Yeah, happy now?" "Basil, what do we do now?" "Same as before" "Goooo!" "Where's the Beast?" "The Beast is dead, mate" "You know what?" "You know what's really annoying?" "What?" "I promised myself I wouldn't die in this town" "You're not gonna" "I think our luck just changed" "Sorry" "Sam?" "Yes" "You came back for us" "Yes, I did" "I uh, well I got lost on the ring road, but yes" "Hi, Sam" "Could you give us a lift to London, please?" "Did you find out what happened to my brother?" "Tell you on the way" "Oh sorry about the mess, I've been meaning to clean that up" "We forgive you, let's go!" "Which way?" "Backwards!" "Which way now?" "Go straight over" "We're gonna make it" "We're gonna make it" "We made it!" "I'm sorry" "I know" "I know" "Everyone remembers where they were when the lights went out on planet Earth" "Me, Gary, Steven, Sam..." "We were standing right by the switch" "I guess it was a big night for everyone" "That morning gave a whole new meaning to the word hangover" "We decided to walk it off" "On the way back to London" "The derelict didn't end there" "It just went on and on..." "They talk about the big smoke" "When the Network went down, it triggered some.." "kind of pulse" "Wiped out all our technology" "And sent us here" "Back to the Dark Ages" "There casualities, of course" "Only a few of them" "Some guys from work, my cousin Paul..." "Gary's mum" "Nobody really knew how many we lost" "'Cause we never heard from the rest of the world again" "Everyone got cut off" "It isn't easy now, but it is simpler" "I'm back with the wife" "Which is something" "We decided that our problems didn't seem as bad in the grand scheme of things" "We all had to go organic in a big way" "But if I'm honest?" "I'm hard pressed to recall any processed food I actually miss" "As for the blanks..." "Well, a funny thing happened there" "They woke up" "A week or so after the Network pulled down" "They just sort of... rebooted by themselves" "Trying to start afresh" "They seemed lost at first" "Children, cut out from their parents..." "Abandonned, forgotten..." "Looking for guidance" "For someone to show the the way" "I felt a bit sorry for them, to be honest" "The Network was right about one thing" "We can be a bit uncivilized" "Maybe we would have been a bad influence on the rest of the galaxy" "Oliver went back to being an estate agent" "People still need a roof over their heads and... the Old Ollie always had the gift of the gab" "I guess the new one has too" "He's doing alright" "I heard that Peter found his way home to Bishop's Gardens" "I suppose he picked up where the other one left off" "I'm not sure his wife noticed" "Maybe she chose not to" "He's a pretty good dad, by all accounts" "Steven and Sam got together in the end" "Didn't see that coming" "They shacked up just outside London" "It's a pretty nice shack too" "As for Gary..." "I don't know what happened to Gary" "We got separated" "Never saw him again" "Some say he went back to Newton Heaven" "I don't know why" "His business there was done" "It's funny but..." "I miss him" "I wonder if he misses me" "Misses the boys" "Wherever he is..." "I hope he's happy" "That's all he ever wanted, really" "To have a good time" "I just hope he found beyond the bottom of a glass" "Because real happiness..." "Real friends..." "Those are things worth living for" "Worth fighting for" "Blank bastards" "Fucking robots" "Five waters, please" "You can have one" "But I ain't serving this scum" "Oh, I'm afraid it's all for one and one for all" "You see, my young friends and I are on an adventure" "A quest, if you will" "And since we find ourselves in need of refreshment..." "You sir, have the honor of drawing first blood" "So, i'll ask you again..." "For the last time" "Five waters, please" "Who the hell do you think you are?" "Me?" "They call me "The King""