"Ah." "Tales of the riverbank." "Hello there." "Sorry for flying in unannounced, but I'm sure I felt a drop of rain outside, so I thought I'd pop in and watch the film with you until the weather improves, if that's all right." "Hmm." "Looks peaceful enough now, doesn't it?" "It wasn't always like..." "oh!" "Oh, look!" "That's where I live." "Just on that oak tree there." "What?" "So as... as..." "As I was saying, the river wasn't always like that, you know." "I shall now a tale unfold that will make your feathers curl." "I do realize that some of you don't have feathers." "It's just an expression;" "I'm not stupid." "I've passed exams, you know." "Some." "This is a story of heroes and villains, battles and bravery, laughter and tears, explosions and romance, boats, cars, planes, even helicopters." "But above all, it's about never giving up, no matter what." "Well, now, it all started with a few spots of rain." "The spots became heavier and heavier, until they seemed to join up into one great blob of water." "Once it started, it never stopped." "Day after day, night after night, rain, rain, rain." "The river got deeper and deeper, and overflowed its banks, flooding everywhere." "The animals ran for the hills as their homes were swept away and crushed by the onrushing water." "By the time the rain stopped, not a living soul remained on the riverbank." "Well, apart from hammy the hamster." "He's very young, and hamsters aren't the brightest." "Got a lot to learn." "The first thing being that if he doesn't move very soon, he's gonna be squashed by a falling tree." "Oh, ferrets!" "Sorry about the language." "So little hammy found himself adrift and lost with no food, shelter, or hope of ever seeing his home again." "Scared and alone on a vast... ahoy there!" "Well, perhaps not totally alone." "Ahoy there!" "This is a Guinea pig called g.P." "G stands for Guinea, and the p stands for..." "Well, you can work it out yourself." "He's a decent enough sort, g.P." "Likes to be in charge, tell everyone what to do, but then, show me a Guinea pig who doesn't." "Hmm, hmm?" " Ahoy there." " Hi." "Are you all right there, youngster?" "Yeah, yeah." "No problem." "Just thought I'd take the log here for a bit of a spin." "You don't need any help at all?" " No." "No, I'm fine, thanks." " Even though you're sinking?" "Ooh, right." "So I am." "Into the water." "Hop aboard, young hamster, before you drown." "Plenty of room." " I'll be fine, thanks." " Nonsense." "How long ago since you ate something?" "Um... what time is it now?" " Midday." " A week then." "You must be starving!" "Tuck in, fellow rodent adventurer." "So hammy got some food." "But he was still no nearer getting home." "Neither of them was." "Still, at least, now they were lost with someone else." "Easy there, hammy, save some for later." "Afraid there might be lots and lots of later." "Especially now it looks like it's just me and you." " Just you and me?" " Could be, hammy." "Everything else is gone in the flood." "What was that?" "I thought you said, g.P., it was just two of us." "We do seem to have, um, a visitor." "Ahoy there." "Obviously doesn't speak English." "He doesn't look very friendly." "You don't think it might be..." "What?" "One of those kinds of visitors who eats hamsters." "I doubt it." "No, if you ask me, it's probably more frightened of us than we are of it." "I wish people wouldn't say that." "It is so untrue." "Where are you going?" "It's just a pile of old junk." "Told you it was nothing to worry about, hammy." " Run for it!" " There's nowhere to run." " Swim for it!" " I can't swim." " Then panic!" " At last, something I can do." "Blow me!" "I thought I would never get out of there." "One moment, I'm chattin' up a pretty young dormouse, and the next moment, whoosh!" "Someone turns the taps on, and I was best mates with a scrap heap." "Et cetera." "Nice to meet you, gents." "Life on the ocean waves, eh?" "So, as they say, all the nice girls love a sailor, don't they?" "That is roderick the rat." "He's a bit flashy, but a good rodent to have along in an emergency like this." "Oh, do I spy nibbles, by any chance?" "Be my guest... oh, you have." "Don't mind if I do." "And if you fancy a bit of rubber tube, just tuck in." "So now, there were three of them." "It was getting dark, and all a bit scary." "G.P. Came up with a plan to keep them busy, so they wouldn't have any time to think about being frightened." "Everyone knows that, in a crisis, it's all hands to the pump." "This is a crisis, so we need a pump." "Right." "Good idea." "Great." "What's a pump?" "You're a hamster, aren't you?" "Yes, yes, I'll speak slowly then." "It's a machine that gets water to come, then go away." "It seems a bit pointless." "I'm sure there's a pump somewhere inside my head." "Hmm." "Hmm." "It's not actually in his head, hammy." "Right." "I knew that." "It's just a question of..." "Got it!" "I know how to do it." "Trial and error." "Right, you two, follow my instructions." " What's trial and error?" " A lot of work." "So they started to make a pump to get rid of all the water." "Every time they finished one, g." "P. Rejected it on some technicality or other, like, it didn't work, for example." " Who tossed the..." " Can we have a break?" " Ah, that's what I want." " You're standing on my paw." "But they didn't give up hope, and that was the most important thing of all." "Stop mucking about." "I need a little bit of help with this." "This went on and on and on, long into the night until they all fell asleep, totally exhausted." "They were so tired that they didn't notice that the clouds had blown away, and the flood was dropping anyway." "Wake up, g.P. Your pump's worked." " The water's gone down!" " It has, yes." "The old mark 17 was the one." "Well, I never." "I'd have put a week's worth of worms on that contraption not working." "It's a gift I have, roderick." "It's only fair that I share it with the rest of the world." "Good to feel a bit of solid ground again." "Hello, hello, what's this?" "Hamster looks down in the dumps." "Oh, dear." "Oh, dear, oh, dear." "I'm not sure we'll ever get back to where we came from." "We will, my friend." "G.P. Will get you there safe and sound." "Hello." "This is a bit tasty." "G.P., you don't know, by any chance, what it is, do you?" "Unless I'm very much mistaken, that is a..." "A chair." " A chair." " You sit there." "There seems to be a lot of chair and not much seat." "Probably foreign." "Boat." "That's it." "This... is a boat." "A boat?" "No, no, no." "Boats float on water." "That chair has been stuck in the mud from the moment I saw it." "Look, it's one of those..." "Et ceteras." "Oh, no." "That chair doesn't move at all." "It makes the right noise." "Hammy made the same noise after eating beans last night." "He's not a boat either." "Sorry about that." "It was the slugs." "You don't think it could be a sort of a chair boat?" " Chair boat?" " It's a boat." "Right?" "Just wait till it gets in the water." "Look out!" "For what?" "I'm sliding backwards to my watery death." "Hello!" "Oh, dear." "Can't this chair go any faster?" "We'd go much faster if we went the other way, with the river." "We didn't come from the other way, though, did we?" "No, but the world is round, isn't it?" "So if we kept going far enough, we'd end up where we started." "It stands to reason." "Hammy, how do you dress yourself in the morning?" " I don't dress." " Course you don't." "It's a bit scary here, g.P." "Nonsense." "Hammy:" "Perhaps... perhaps it might be better if we did go back for a while." "No time for the faint-hearted." "I thought you wanted to get home." "I do, but..." "Ooh, we're going to hit a Mountain." "Stop the engine." " It won't stop." " Brace for impact." "Assume crash position." "Where are we?" "If I'm not very much mistaken, we're in a tunnel." "Nothing to worry about." "Just a tunnel." "Oh, I don't remember coming through a tunnel when I was on that log." "We must've taken the wrong fork." "Nonsense." "I have a perfect sense of direction." "Is that terrible noise normal for a tunnel, do you think?" "Oh, yes." "All the best tunnels make groaning noises." "A bit of whistling now and then, but mainly groaning." "What about rumbling?" "Uh... that's less common." " Bits falling off the roof?" " Unusual." "Roderick, it would be very good if you would get the engine going again." "I'm trying." "That's done the trick." "Or maybe not." "Oh, dear." "Hate to hurry you, but there's just a small chance that we're about to be buried under a million tons of Mountain!" "Hurry up, hurry up!" "Well done, that rat." "Rodent know-how is all it needed." "Well done, that rat." "No going back now." "So we press on, my rodent chums." "They've done very well to get this far, but then, they don't know what's waiting around the next bend." "You know how it is." "You just get used to being the last surviving animals on the whole riverbank, when suddenly, a mouse wearing jewelry and a load of ferrets in a helicopter turn up." "Isn't it always the way?" "Helicopter." "Yes, we all know what it is, roderick." "Do we?" "Oh, right." "The question is, what is it doing?" "Pull over to the right." "Pull over to the right." "I'm pretty sure they want us to pull over to the right." "You think?" "Easy, boys." "They don't look like trouble." "Miss... ooh!" "You just reeled us in some tourists." "Tourists?" "Excuse me, madam." "We happen to live on this river, and we don't take too kindly" " to being attacked by your gang of thugs." " They're not my thugs." "Keep away." "I don't want to have to use force." "My paws are registered with the police as lethal weapons." " Ha!" " Ow." "I have to warn you, I have a black collar in karate." "Back off, fellas." "It's okay." "Consider yourselves lucky." "Sorry about the ferrets." "They're a little overprotective of the talent." "We're the talent." "Well, she's the talent." "I'm a comedian." "I'm Sonia." "Mistress of the microphone, empress of the ears, and the mouse with the most." "Now we've been hired by the w.M.D." "To give a show at their headquarters upriver." "And what or who are this w.M.D.?" "Why, it's the waffle, marmalade and doughnut corporation, of course." "Where you been puttin' your sweet tooth all these years?" "I just had to get a break from that noisy helicopter." "Did you hear about the blonde hamster who crashed her helicopter?" "When they asked her what went wrong, she said, she got to 1,000 feet, she felt cold, and turned off the big fan." "He's funny." " I don't get it." " No offense." "That's a funny joke." "Hey, hot rod." " Me?" " Yeah, you, good-lookin'." "Good-looking?" "You wanna show me how much chug you got in that chug-chug boat of yours?" "Sorry." "I don't quite follow." "You folks around here never do any water skiing'?" "No." "No." "Is that all the chug you've got?" " We got a bit more." " Oh." "Press the... et cetera." "Ooh!" "Now that's more like it." "You're my kind of rat, hot rod." "I can't." "Oh!" "Bye-bye, boys." "Write if you get work!" "Bye!" "That Sonia's a bit special, isn't she?" "She seemed very... nice." "I think they behaved appallingly." "And as for those ferrets... never trust a ferret." "They'll have your leg off as soon as look at you." "The waffle, marmalade and doughnut corporation are welcome to the lot of them." "Ha!" "Ha!" "¶ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ¶" "¶ life is but a dream ¶" "¶ row, row, row your boat ¶" "¶ gently down the stream ¶" "¶ merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ¶" "¶ life is but a dream ¶" "¶ row, row, row your boat ¶" "¶ gently down the stream ¶" "¶ merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ¶" "¶ life is but a dre-eee-eee-am!" "¶ this is better." "Yes, I feel as though I'm getting the old sea legs back." "Sea legs, roderick?" "But we're... please don't say we're on the river and not the sea." "No, right." "I wasn't." "Oh!" "Oh, my goodness." "It's making me feel quite giddy." "I thought you had the power, Betty, to see things coming before they came." "I was right about needing an umbrella, miss much." "Yes, but foolishly, I assumed it was to hold above our heads." "This unlikely pair comprises miss much, the rabbit, and Betty, another hamster." "The one with the ears that could pick up satellite television is miss much." "She's a schoolteacher." "And Betty, well, Betty says she has a gift, and can see into the future." "Yes." "Makes you wonder why she hasn't noticed she's going to crash into that boat." "Oh, no!" "I see a boat coming towards us." "Well done." "Very clairvoyant." "Thank for the early warning, Betty." "Get out of the way." "We're coming through." " Clear the channel, please." " You clear the channel." "Downstream vessels give way to upstream vessels." "Oh, yes?" "Got that out of a Christmas cracker, did you?" " Watch out!" " We're going to..." "Lean to one side, Betty." "They're obviously stupid." "Pull over, roderick." "They're obviously stupid." "Miss much:" "Oh, men!" "I told you to get out of the way." "Excuse me, madam." "There was..." " it's miss, actually." " Excuse me, miss." "It was you who hit us, not the other way round." "Nonsense." "You're a menace." " We're stuck, g.P." " Oh, joy!" "Would you mind going away, please?" "We wish to leave." " I'm trying!" " Really?" "Oh, I'm getting a vision." "Not now, Betty dear." "I'm arguing." "Here it comes." "I see things sorting themselves out by themselves." "Just leave everything alone." "Some chance with this overgrown pajama case getting in the way." " What did you say?" " You heard me." "Oh, dear." "I mean..." "I mean, listen to them." "Now you know why owls only come out at night." "It's not until after those noisy little furries have gone to bed that we feathery types get any peace and quiet at all." " Very elegant." " I shall choose to ignore that remark." "Look." "The boat's got free by itself." "Isn't that great?" "Just like Betty said." "Shame no one's in it, though, hammy." "That is a pity, yeah." " Now look what you've done." " I've done?" "!" "Roderick, you and hammy run back down the bank and get it." " Roderick:" "Gotcha." " How do you see all these things, Betty?" "Betty fancies herself as something of a fortune teller and Fluffy healer." "Bit too touchy-feely for my taste." "You mean a beautiful girl like you knows how to kiss and make it better?" "Good grief, man, leave her alone." "You're like a rat up a drainpipe." "Yeah." "Whoa!" " There it is." " How do we get to it?" "Oh, what's this?" "Um, looks very much like, um..." " A chair." " With wheels?" "Yes." "A wheelchair." "Ooh, that sounds fun." "Oh, and what's that?" "Now, that's a..." "A chair with wheels and, um..." "And things that stick out." "It's an airplane." "Some people call it that, yes." "What do these do?" "Don't touch them, dear." "You don't know where they've been." "There is a chair there, yes." "Typical." "Not so much as a good-bye, or thank you for saving me." "Oh." "Is that what this is for?" "Oh." "Ho-ho, look!" "No paws!" "It's not really as difficult as those birds make out." "What does this do?" "There's hammy and roderick." " Hello, lads." " It's g.P." " So it is." " Hello." "Hello, g.P." "It's me, hammy." "Is that an airplane?" "Either that, or g.P.'S a very unusual Guinea pig." "I don't know why I bother." "Do you think we'll ever see g.P. Again?" "You can put your last worms on it." "We'd better get the boat before he gets back." "Talk of the devil, checkin' up what we're doin'." "Hey, g.P. G.P., over here." " Are you sure that's g.P.?" " Of course." "Oh, a falcon!" "Run!" "Hammy!" "Ooh, it's very high." "Ooh, you're hurting me." "Let hammy go, you bully!" "You hook-beaked buffoon!" "Now I'm pretty certain that this was the first time this particular falcon had ever encountered an airplane flown by an angry, slightly overweight Guinea pig." "The shock was so great, he dropped hammy, and flew away in a panic, convinced he was seeing things." "Ah, ferrets!" "Ooh!" "Oh, oh!" "Otters!" "Ow, ow!" "Are you all right, hammy?" "Yes, yes." "I think so." "Bit winded." "He put the whole thing down to the after-effects of eating a brightly colored frog a few hours before, which we've all done." "Whatever's that?" "W-m-d." "Oh, that's no good." "Oh, I can't see how we can get to it, roderick." "Yeah, it's not just g.P. Who has ideas, hammy." "Is that a catapult?" "Where am I?" "They'll never find me." "Oh, dear." "What's that noise?" "And that one." "Who's that staring at me?" "Come out of there, whoever you are." "If you don't come out, I'll stay here." "Help!" "Help!" "They're after me, whoever they are." "I have to get away as fast as I can." "Ah, yes." "I don't seem to have got away at all." "Good grief." "This forest is full of crashed airplanes." " Hammy:" "Do you think this is going to work?" " Of course." "We just run backwards as fast as we can, and then, lift our legs." "Easy." "Okay." "You just keep thinking, roderick." "That's what you're good at." "Now I have to warn you." "Please do not try this at home." "Hamsters and rats are not, by nature, flying animals." "These two happen to be especially stupid, and deserve to get badly hurt for trying such a silly stunt." "Somehow, more by luck than judgment, they got away with it." "Many haven't." "I'm going to wake up as someone's breakfast, if I wake up at all." "What if they can't wait for breakfast?" "I..." "I could be supper." "A midnight feast." "Just a snack between meals." "Hold on." "That sounds like..." "Hammy:" "With little seeds and a little wheel you can run around..." "Hammy!" "That plant looks like g.P." "It is g.P." "There I was, flying through the air without a care in the world..." " there's a coincidence." "So were we." " What are you talking about?" "Take no notice." "So what about the smoke then?" "Well, the black smoke was coming from the w.M.D. Factory." "Woobily..." "Mmmm..." "Waffle, marmalade and doughnut." "It was deadly." "I couldn't breathe." "If you ask me, that w.M.D. Is up to no good." "No good at all." "Poison of some kind." "I think I shall go there and give them a piece of my mind." "Can you afford to lose any, g.P.?" " What?" " Nothing." "What was that noise?" "Hammy:" "Oh." "Oh, I don't like this." "W.M.D., you see?" "Wmd-ah..." "What's a wall doing in a river?" "It's not a wall, it's a dam." "It's a damn what?" "Oh." "You didn't realize you'd made a joke." "A dam." "It's a name for a wall in a river." "We can't sail through a wall." "Oh, no." " A pike." " What's so bad about a pike?" "It hates all creatures great and small, and it eats most of them." " Not a Guinea pig, surely." " Often dish of the day." "What can we do?" "Well, we could start by not falling in the water." "Sound advice." "Hammy!" " Hammy!" " Hamster overboard!" "Hammy!" "Are you all right?" "Yes, I think so." "Can hamsters swim?" "I have no idea." "My parents never told me anything." "Oh, no." "He's going to be eaten!" " Quick, hammy!" "Fast as you can." " Hurry up, lad." "Why?" "Is there something behind me." " I wouldn't like?" " Yes." "Ah, right." "Oh, ferrets." "Where has he gone?" "Where is he?" "Bizarre." "Hello there." "Your friend looked like he could do with a bit of a leg up." "Thanks very much, Mr. Pike." "Ah, don't mention it." "The name's Lucius." "Fish superhero." " So you don't want to eat us?" " Eat you?" "No, no, no." "So many animals to rescue, so little time." "If it wasn't underwater, I'd wear a cape." "Is it a plane, is it a fish?" " Yes." " Yes!" "It's super-pike!" "We're trying to get back to where we came from, upriver." "And now, the dam's in the way." "I have a bone to pick with that w.M.D. Mob." "More than one bone;" "A whole skeleton." "You mean those fat cats that run the place?" "Everything's gone to pot since they took over the factory." "Really?" "One big dud after another." "And they've kidnapped that girl singer and the terrible comedian." " We've got to rescue her." " You sure?" "I mean, she seems the sort who'd be perfectly capable of escaping by herself." "Leave it out, g.P. Sonia needs our help." " Let's go." " Oh, all right then." "If we must." "Well, you can't get through the dam, so I'm afraid you're not going anywhere, unless you can get over that Mountain." " What Mountain?" " That Mountain." "I'm going through a small hole I found." "See ya on the other side..." "If you get that boat over there." "How can we..." " Hammy:" "Miss much!" " Betty had a vision." "She saw you coming." "Think it was in a weasel's fur." "Insisted I pick you up, against my better judgment," " I might add." " Great." "The poor girl has this mad idea that you're going to sail your boat upstream to clean up some big dirt or something." "Dread to think what she was talking about." "Not sure there's enough room in here for everyone." "It's good of you to volunteer to walk, miss much, but I won't hear it." "We'll fit you in somehow." "I meant no such..." "That's outrageous!" "Roderick:" "There's the Mountain." "The closer we get, the bigger it seems." "How are we gonna get our boat over that?" "I've absolutely no idea." "Where's that racket coming from?" "I'm afraid Betty's done something rather stupid." "The circus!" "Ha ha!" "I can't believe it!" "The circus!" "Whoo hoo!" "Look at that." "Roderick, can you see?" "It's a real circus!" "A circus!" "Wow." "I always dreamt of running away to the circus." "But a flea circus, Betty?" "How can you have a circus with fleas?" "Fleas." "Ugh." "It's enough to make one want to... no." "No, stop." "Please, signore." "Have you not read the sign?" "No scribbling." "No scratching!" "Scratching's the death of a flea circus." "One clumsy scratch, and a star can be circus history." "You understand?" "This here is one of my big attractions... the great nippy." "A song, a scratch, and a dance on the high wire." "Uh-huh." "But I am always looking for new talent, so if you have any unwanted little companions..." " I beg your pardon!" " Your fleas, signora." "Fleas?" "!" "I'm not staying here to be insulted." "But you must stay for the show." "It will be..." "Magnifico!" "There's nothing better than Al fresco's flea circus, especially with the beautiful Betty, the best fortune teller I've had since gypsy rose flea had an unfortunate accident with her crystal ball." "Rolled right over her." "Oh!" "Betty can read paws and claws, eyes and noses, sees things in fur that no one can see." "She sees everyone coming to Al fresco." "Oh, here it comes." "I can see you buying a ticket to see things you cannot see." "Ah!" "Ladies and gentlemen, put your paws together, please." "Show your appreciation now for the incredible fleas." "Ha!" "Al:" "Lift." "Come on, lift!" "Lift." "Ha!" "You know, Betty also said something very strange." "She says she sees my fleas becoming so strong, they could take a boat over a Mountain." "I don't know what she means by that." "Coraggio, nippy." "Courage." "Hercules, you little big flea." "Come on now." "Come on." "Come on!" "Come on, you can do it!" "I know you can do it, my fleas." "Don't let me down!" "Don't embarrass me in front of everybody." "Hercules, you little big flea." "Come on now." "Push, Fritz." "Push, Geraldo." "Push, conan." "Push!" "Push, samson." "That's it." "You can do it." "Gosh, this is steep." "Al:" "Another log to the front." "Come on." "You must carry on." "Come on!" "What's the matter with you, conan?" "Up the Mountain!" "That's it." "One more log, and you will be there." "We've done it!" "Ya-ha!" "Oh, nippy." "Oh, nippy, you make me so proud, nippy." "Yes, you do." "Ah, well done." "A boat, carried over a Mountain by fleas." "That is not something you see every day, is it?" "It was just a question of teamwork." "And what was your part in the team, g.P.?" "Reserve management, on call, if needed." "Ready to step into the breach." "Anything that doesn't require any physical effort, you mean." "I didn't notice you carrying anything, miss much." "I am a lady." "We only have your word for that." "That is so unnecessary." "How do we get the boat down to the river again?" "Simple." "Our strong little friends here slowly let out the rope, and we gently slide down the slope." "Can't we just drive upriver in the jeep there?" "Not enough fuel left." " Did you put the jeep's brake on, hammy?" " Oh, yes." "Almost certainly." "Possibly." " What's a brake again?" " Al:" "Look out!" "Sorry about that." "Nippy!" "Don't do that!" "It's tickling." "Who are you talking to, Betty?" "Our friends who helped us." " You mean the... fleas?" " Yes, of course, the fleas." "Get them out of here!" "Oh, I can feel one on me." "For goodness sake, look what you're doing!" "Hammy:" "Here we go again!" "What's that?" "Al?" " Oh, no, it's the theatricals." " Sonia!" "Sonia!" "Sonia!" "Are you all right?" " We were coming to rescue you." " Oh, how sweet, hot rod." "Am I pleased to see you folks." "You just don't know what we've been through." "I do not wanna hear the words waffle, marmalade or doughnut ever again." "Oh, we managed to escape by hiding in the party food." " What happened?" " Well, I was onstage." "The act was going really great." "Well, doctor, said the cow," "I've been mooing a lot and eating grass..." "Well, said the doctor, any udder problems?" "Hey, do you mind?" "This is my best material." "Taxi!" "The audience was with me all the way, but I managed to shake them off at the window." "Sonia:" "As soon as I was able to lighten the load, we slipped away." "They're real evil, those fat cats." "I just had to escape and tell the whole wide world, they aren't making waffles, marmalade or doughnuts in that factory anymore." " No?" " Nothin' sweet at all." " Not even jelly?" " Jelly?" "Is that the best you could come up with?" "I like jelly." "They're making money..." "Dirty money." "And they don't care what they destroy to make it." "Even the whole riverbank." "They have gotta be stopped." "Exactly." "We must stop the fat cats." " Yeah, Sonia just said that, g.P." " I said it again, but with more emphasis and panache." "And how are you going to do it?" "By using a well-thought out, properly researched plan, miss much." "And what plan is that exactly?" "It's not been well-thought out or properly researched yet, but when it is, I'll let you know." "There's an army in there." "You can't do it by yourselves." "I'd fly somewhere and get more help, only my balloons are kinda low on hot air." "If you want hot air, g.P.'S your animal." "Thank you, miss much." "I shall ignore the obvious insult and do what I can to help the situation." "I suppose I could give them a bit of a talking to." "Now, balloon, enough of this slacking." "Off you get, and blow yourself up." "Come on, we haven't got all day." "Are you sure, g.P., this is the way to blow it up?" "Yes, hammy, it's just a question of finding the right words." "You do know how to blow up a balloon, don't you, honey?" "You just open your mouth and..." "There you go." " Well done, lady." " Botheration." "There you are." "Botheration." " Bother... botheration?" " The right word for blowing up balloons." " Pathetic." " Botheration." " Pathetic." " Botheration!" " Pathetic!" " Botheration." "Oh, hey, it's working." "G.P.!" "Hey, boys, easy with the balloons." "Oh, goodness, g.P. I've never been up in the air before." "No need to panic, hammy." "Everything's under control." "I'm quite experienced at this kind of thing." "Now, how do we make it move forward?" "Look for a lever, hammy." "There's always a lever." "Something must work this spinny propeller thing." "I don't think it's got a lever, or a spinny propeller, g.P." "This is not like an airplane." "It's more like a lift." "It just goes up, and then, it goes down again." " What's the point in that?" " I've no idea." "Unless you can't reach something on a very high shelf." "I would think the trick is not to go too high, and definitely not to come down too quick." "Wise words from someone so young." "Well done, that hamster." "Then we should let the air out slowly, and regroup with the others." " It sounds like one of those..." " Hello again." "Helicopters!" "Get away!" "Move on!" "Is he doing what I think he's doing?" "Take cover." "We're under fire!" "The earth was a long way away, and now, it's not." " Stand by for a crash landing." " Stand by what?" "You boys all right?" "Right as rain." "Hammy broke my fall." "Bruises." "I've got bruises." "Ouch." "It was those ferrets." "Sonia:" "Oh, no." "We're gonna have to make a run for it." "It's the ferrets again." "Oh, no, this is the giddy limit." "Oh, my giddy aunt." " Sonia:" "Oh, no!" " Ferret:" "Here we go." "Sonia!" " Sonia!" " Help!" "We've just got to try and rescue Sonia." "I'm not leaving without her." "Hammy:" "We've got to stop them making dirty money." "Listen, pal, if you think you're gonna get past those ferocious ferrets, and take Sonia away from them fat cats, let alone their money, you're living in a dream land." "Oh, darkness." " What's with her?" " She's having a vision again." "Oh, right." "Betty:" "Oh, here it comes." "I see darkness." "I hate to pick you up on a technicality, dear, but you can't actually see darkness." "Roderick:" "This isn't right." "It's the middle of the day." "This is coming from that factory." "Not good." "We should..." " Uh, run?" " Exactly." "This is horrible!" "Who's that?" "Is it a worm?" "Dive, super-pike, dive!" "Oh!" "Oh, I see the big dirt." "So do I, Betty." "Hind legs:" "We all do, lady." "We're all going to... friends, it's been a privilege sailing together." " I see us falling." " Falling?" "Falling where?" "Computer voice:" "Rat." "Pollution level six." "Keep away from all girls." "Ah-choo!" "Guinea pig." "Pollution level nine." "Full of hot air." "Hamster." "Pollution level seven." "Simple cell structure." "Please speak slowly." "Rabbit." "Pollution level five." "Conversation causes earache." "Owl:" "So what had they fallen into?" "A secret underground community of some kind." "All very high tech, with doors that opened with an impressive..." "Whoosh." "Al fresco!" "Si." "It is I. It is good to see you, my friends." "How did you get here?" "Well, the sky, she turned black, and the ground, she disappeared." "Then there was soap and brushes and bubbles, and then, we are here." "And where exactly is "here"?" "The headquarters of the brotherhood of underground resistance personnel." " Burp." " Excuse you." " I'm sorry?" " It's their name, miss much." "B-u-r-p." "Burp." "Yes, burp." "Our periscope spotted you in a bit of bother up there, so we thought you might like to drop in." " Thanks for that." " Miss much:" "Yes, thank you." "Oh, think nothing of it." "We've lots of animals hiding here from the big dirts." "Perhaps I could show you around." " Who are burp?" " I've heard of them before." "They're a legendary group of freedom fighters who strike against oppression, injustice, and anyone who wants to harm animals." " They're bound to help us rescue Sonia." " Brilliant!" "They're all highly trained professionals." "Ruthless and totally fearless." "Oh!" " What is it?" " It's all right." "It was just my shadow." "Gets me every time." "I never really fully got used to it." "Sorry." ""Totally fearless." Huh!" "Airplanes." "I know those." "Hammy:" "Look!" "It's amazing!" "Betty:" "It's so colorful." "Miss much:" "He needs a duster." "Wow!" "Look at all this equipment." "Roderick:" "Looks like they're gettin' ready for a war." "They don't keep it very clean." "Look!" "The w.M.D. Factory." "Indeed, yes." "That's our eventual target." "We're planning to attack it to stop them destroying the countryside." " Great." " Yeah." "When's that happening?" "There's a lot of details still to be worked out." "Anyway, let me show you the entertainment area." "This way!" "Oh, no." "No, sorry." "This way." "No, actually, no." "I was right." "This way." "It was right the first time." "No." "Actually, no." "It is this way." "What an extraordinary place." " Betty:" "A party!" " Don't get too close, Betty." "They may not be our sort." "Do you have a lot of parties?" "Pretty much all the time." "We of the underground movement must keep up morale in case we ever decide to do something." "One day, we will pounce, and make those fat cats pay for the damage they've caused." "What stopped you?" "Oh, you can't hurry into these things." "How long have you not been hurrying into these things?" " Three years." " That's terrible." "Is it?" "Oh, dear, I thought it might be." "But our homemade ginger beer is the talk of the riverbank." "You must try some." "Time for a little live entertainment." "Oh, no." "Is this thing on?" "Okay, good evening." "My name is hind legs." "Um... okay." "My mother asked me how long I was gonna be on this tour." "I said, the whole time." "Oh, dear, he's lost them." "Boy, tough crowd." "Okay, this reminds me of a time when, uh... ¶ Boy, it's hard to see... ¶" "Sonia?" "¶..." "That's not screamin' ¶" "¶ it's hard to breathe ¶" "¶ when you're drowning in what you're feeling ¶ we have to save her if it's the last thing we do." "Last thing?" "Oh, dear." "It's exactly that kind of talk that stops us doing anything." "We mustn't be too hasty now." "I don't care how ferocious the ferrets are." " We've got to beat the fat cats." " Good for you, brave hammy." "I suppose we could all have another vote on it." "To be quite honest with you," "I very much doubt that any decision will be made." "So we'll do it without your help," " your chicken-ness." " Hind legs:" "I'm in." "It might surprise you folks, but before my career in show biz," "I was a marine, sergeant first class," " special rodent squad." " Well done, that American." "What would you suggest as a starting point?" "Well, in any military operation, you need soldiers, equipment, and a plan." "We've got soldiers." "All of us." " Right." " And I'll handle the plan." "So what about the equipment?" "Oh." "Oh, you're all looking at me." "Hello." "Um... well, we do have a few things" "I suppose you could borrow." "So a period of intense training and preparation began." "The animals worked themselves into the peak of physical condition." "The air attack was readied." "Pieces of equipment were clicked into each other with satisfying clunk noises." "Meaningful looks were exchanged, and nets were crawled under for no obvious reason." "Come on now." "Come on." "Come on!" "Come on, you can do it!" "Stirring music was played at every opportunity, and yet more meaningful looks were exchanged." "Never in the field of animal conflict was so much to be attempted by so few with so little chance of success." "But even so, nothing was going to make our brave band give up trying." "Hind legs:" "We're ready as we're ever gonna be." "We're going in at first light." "Does it have to be first light?" "I'm not at my best in the morning." "Uh... ah." "First light it is then." "Sorry." "This is the w.M.D. Fact... as I was saying, this is the w.M.D. Factory." "When they're just making waffles, marmalade and doughnuts, the waste pollution is kept within acceptable safety limits." "But when turned into a money-making machine, it pollutes the air and the river with deadly poison..." "The big dirt." "Worm reconnaissance tells us that." "Sonia is being held prisoner here in a cage over a pit of red-hot molten marmalade." " Help!" " There she is." " Sonia!" " Help." "I'll have those little bleeders." "That's no way to treat a lady." "Poor Sonia." "Now here is the enemy." "This is what we're facing." "The fat cats." "The fat cats are protected night and day by an army of ferocious ferrets." "They have built underwater defenses here to prevent surprise attack from the river here." "Rockets have been placed here on the roof to deal with attacks from the air here." "It's not gonna be a school run, and we're gonna have to hit them where it hurts with everything we got." " Are you ready?" " All:" "Yes!" "I'm not hearing you, people." " Are you ready?" " Yes!" "Is hind legs a little deaf?" "And so it began." "Our small band of brave, furry freedom fighters taking on the might of the fat cats and the huge army of ferocious ferrets." "It didn't look good." " Come on." " Oh, my." "I've been through a lot, but this is the worst." "Hind legs:" "Where's Lucius?" "The whole operation will fail if that toothy son of a fish..." "I hope I'm not late." "Spot of trouble with the alarm." "I haven't got one." "Ha ha ha!" "Super-pike humor." "Everyone to their positions." "It's a go." "Oh, this is never going to work." "Is it going to work, Betty?" "I can't see." "It's unclear and misty." "Fabulous, Betty." "This is not the time for misty." "Come in, barge, come in, barge." "Can you hear me?" "Hind legs, can you hear me?" "Loud and clear, g." "P." "Sh!" "Sorry." "Nervoso." "Sh!" "Sorry." "I do it again, I know." "Hopefully, Lucius is dealing with the underwater defenses now." "Yes!" "Huzzah!" "He's done it!" "He's done it!" "What a fantastic fish!" "Well done, fish face." "Mission accomplished." "Okay, start the engine." "You start the engine!" "That's it." "If I jump on that paddle wheel, hopefully, it will take me into the factory." " Wish me luck, guys." " Good luck." "Ha!" " Go on, get outta here." " Right." "Hold this." "Going in." "Here I go." " That's it." "Go on." " Aaah!" "Get out of here before I rearrange your face." "Although looking at you, I'd say someone's already beaten me to it." "That is so rude." "Now step aside." "You're not comin' in here." "I demand to see your superior, although looking at you, that doesn't exactly narrow things down." " Go on." " No need to push." "You just take your paws off her." "Stay out of this, beautiful." "Oh." "I'll give you a kiss if you leave her alone." "All right." "Come here." " Betty!" " Oi!" "What about me?" "All right." "Here we go." " Oh, stop it." " Stop tickling." "Both of them, please." "Well done, Betty." "It worked." "But did it have to involve fleas?" "It's so degrading." "Oh, dear, I hope no one finds out." "Oh, stop tickling." "I told you, I'm not tickling." " Come on, mate, you can do it." " You think so?" "Yeah." "All you gotta do is do what your audiences told you for years." " What's that?" " Take a running jump." "What?" "!" "Was that necessary?" "One, two..." "Three!" "I can't look." "It's locked." "Okay, we got a problem." "We need backup." "Phase two." "Roger and out." "We're on, my Italian friend." "Santa Maria!" "How are we going to get into the factory?" "Here it comes." "Oh, I can see a wave." "This is not the time for relying on visions, Betty." "No, I can see a wave." "Look." "There." "Got a little lock problem here." "No gate is locked for Al fresco's flea circus." "Wow!" "Open flea-same!" "Come on, that's a great line." "I'm gonna work that in to my act." "Somehow, I..." "That's..." "That's my line." "Roderick:" "Sonia." "Sonia!" "Hot rod!" "Hind legs, oh, am I pleased to see you." " Are you okay?" " Been better." "Hey, hot rod, fancy saving a damsel in distress" " facing a sticky end?" " I'll give it a try." "Let's go." "What do you think comes down this pipe?" "I'd rather not think about it, dear." "I hope it's not what my nose suggests it is." "Cover your nose, everybody." "Come on, Betty." "Disgusting." "Oh!" "Oh, you're there." "Okay." "Hind legs:" "Smells of oranges in here." "You can make it." "You can make it." "Come to mommy." "Be careful." "Don't look down!" "Don't look down." "Oh, come on." "Oh, you're nearly there." "Come to mommy." "Mind the face." "Be careful with the face." " Apologies." " Thank you, kind sir." "Oh, think nothing of it." "Hind legs:" "Bravo!" "Don't mind us." "Do you really think you're going to get away quite so easily?" "Ha ha ha." "Oh, he's gonna drop 'em in the marmalade." "Sonia:" "Hang on." "Oh, honey." " No!" " Sonia!" "Sonia!" "Don't let go." "What now, hot rod?" "Hind legs:" "Hold on." "Don't let go." "Yes, what now, hot rod?" "Hey, guys, can't you do something?" "I'm a singer, not a gymnast." "Nippy, salome, Hercules, bring me the net." "What?" "!" "Look at those ants." "Fantastic!" "All right!" "How did they do that?" "Huh?" "Hammy:" "Can we give anyone a lift?" " Ha ha ha!" " The cavalry." "You'll never get away." "Hit the road, kid." "Okay, come on." "Let's go." "Right." "Not this way." " Which way?" " Oh, do concentrate." "I know what I'm doing." "Everyone, just sh!" "Everyone be quiet." "Fat cat:" "Release the marmalade!" "That won't be nice." "Just put it into reverse, hammy." " I know, I know." " Miss much:" "Reverse!" " Get down!" " I don't like the look of that." "Put your foot down." "Miss much:" "It's catching us!" "Oh, it's coming!" "G.P., we need air support." "They're trying to wipe us out with their marmalade." "Delighted to help, old chap." "Over and out." "Here we go." "I love the smell of marmalade in the morning." "Come on, get this gate shut." "Hammy:" "I bet you they're shutting the gate." "Ah, that's it." "Bombs away!" "Hang on." "Eh?" "Eh?" "Okay, right." "Let's just hope the boat's there." "Okay." "Right, here we go." "Ouch!" "I want a new tail." "Goodness." "Goodness." "Quite thrilling." "Really invigorating." " Invigorating?" "!" " You are a weird lady." "Thank you very much." "Let's get this wreck outta here." "Ah, missed!" "Oh, no!" "Wait till we get our teeth into you." "Take that!" " Way to go, miss much!" " Go, me." "Come on, g.P., get a grip." "Almost out of ammo." "Isn't g.P. Magnificent?" "I thought you said he was a pompous fool." "Uh, yes." "Yes, I did." "Don't tell him what I just said." "By my reckoning, he's only got one more flare left to blow up the place." "I don't think this aiming thing is working properly." "I shall let my animal sense be with me." "Sense the sense, g.P." "Come on, come on." "Tricky to see." "Oh, dear!" "Oh!" "Been hit." "Going down." "All going dark." "Oh." "Oh, gosh." "Oh, I can't watch." "Oh, it's not fair." "I can't believe he's gone." "He was a brave Guinea pig." "The bravest." "I am proud to have known him." "So are we all." "My fleas would have thought it an honor to crawl on him." "You know, underneath all that British stiff upper lip doggy doo, he was the man." "Amen to that." "So what happens now?" "The factory's still there." "Yeah." "I guess we've got to admit we've lost." "This was our only chance, and we... huzzah!" "Anyone lost a Guinea pig?" "Miss much:" "Oh, g.P.!" "G.P., you're alive!" " You made it, big guy." " Thanks to Lucius there." "Super-pike." " It is a miracle." " I suppose it is, yes." "Everybody else present and correct, hammy?" " Yes, very present and very correct, g.P." " Good hamster." "Oh, g.P., come here." "Steady on, miss much." "The chaps are watching." " Hind legs:" "Wow!" " Wow, indeed, hind legs." "I'll meet your "wow," and raise you a "gosh."" "Your flares actually worked." "Al fresco:" "The factory, she is no longer." "Look!" "Ha ha!" "You did it, g.P. You did it." "We all did, my friends." "We all did." " So, can we go home now?" " Yes!" "So there you are." "That was the story of how the riverbank was saved by the bravery of our fearless band of little animals, proving yet again that even the smallest amongst us can have the largest say in how things turn out." "Obviously, my role was pivotal in the final victory." "Admittedly, you couldn't quite see what I was doing, but I expect someone managed to film it, and they'll probably make another film about it later." "Lord of the owls, perhaps." "Or gone with the owl." "Something along those lines." "Well, um..." "Best be off." "Hopefully, the weather's picked up by now." "Bye." "Raider of the lost owl." "The owl father." "Yes." "Then of course, we'd have the owl father part two." "And the owl father three, which will be disappointing."