"FLYING SAUCERS OVER ISTANBUL" "Attention, please." "Our club's mission is clear." "We are all here for the same cause." "We invited the belly dancers you are watching, because we desire to attract men." "They call us the Ugly Hearts Club, but we're the Lonely Hearts Club." "This plan has finally worked and two men came here." "Please come to the stage." "Welcome, gentlemen!" "Welcome!" "Thank you, madam" "T-T-Thank you, madam." "Let me introduce her." "This is Ms. Ayse." "She's has 1.5 million cash and real estate property worth 76 million." "What?" "I don't get it." "This is Miss Zehra." "She has 34 million cash... and owns a factory worth 45 million Turkish lira." "It makes 2 million in 6 months." "I, chief of this club, have 23 million cash and an estate worth 48 million." "We are girls with empty hearts." "We desire to marry brave men like you." "Madam, we're not here for marriage." "We're here for an interview." "One second." "Just give us a pose and we'll take some shots, OK?" "Interview?" "We had hoped to find some men." "Don't worry, I'll write an article about your aspirations." "An article?" "Really?" "Bravo!" "Of course it'll be excellent publicity for you!" "OK, Kasar." "Get ready!" "I'm ready, Sapsal!" "Attention!" "Attention!" "What are you doing?" "!" "What did I do?" "It was the camera's fault!" "Come on, pay attention." "Get ready!" "Get ready..." "Strike a pose." "Pose, p-p-please..." "Pose." "You, a little to the left." "And you, to the right a bit." "Hurry up!" "What are you hitting me for?" "Am I the photographer or are you?" "You don't understand." "Just go and sit down." "Don't try and fool the lady." "You think I'm like you?" "G-G-Get out of here." "I know your tricks." "A bit to the right." "And you, a bit to the left..." "No, this isn't working!" "Don't bend your neck like that." "Strike a pose." "You pose as well." "OK." "P-P-Perfect!" "Do you think I will look beautiful in the picture?" "D-D-Don't..." "M-M-My Arm..." "D-D-Don't hold my arm!" "One moment" "OK." "Come on, let's go." "Have you taken them?" "Yes." "Goodbye." "Farewell." "One minute." "I have good news." "What is it?" "You can publish it in your newspaper." "We invited someone here to attract men so we can find husbands." "Guess who we invited?" "W-w..." "Yes, we don't know." "No, we don't know." "We invited Marilyn Monroe." "She'll be at the Grand Hotel anytime now." "We should write an article about this wonderful news right away!" "Let's go!" "W-W-Wait!" "Hi, honey!" "H-Hello" "Where have you been?" "What's happened?" "The boss has been looking for you two for two days." "I know why he's looking for us." "We have such good news for him." "Don't worry." "Everything will work out fine." "Everything will work out fine." "You'll scream when you hear it." "Don't flirt with her." "You can't get her." "How did I know she would hit me?" "OK, tell him we're here." "What's this?" "Come inside." "First, tell me where you've been for two days." "Speak then!" "What's the news?" "Great news!" "The photos?" "The p-p-photos are i-i-in here!" "Why haven't you developed them by now?" "D-D-Don't get upset, boss." "I'll do it now." "So, what's the scoop?" "'What's the scoop' he says!" "Let me fill you in..." "Marilyn Monroe is in Istanbul!" "How's that for news, eh!" "?" "Quiet!" "What's wrong with you?" "Look at this." "All the papers are mentioning flying saucers... and you guys have nothing." "Beat it!" "I don't want to look at you!" "All the papers are mentioning UFOs." "Go and get me a story!" "Everyone's talking about these UFOs." "Come on!" "Now get out of here and bring me back a story." "I'll break your heads otherwise!" "Watch how the UFO flies." "Watch the flying saucer." "It's flying, it's flying!" "Now it's going to take off kids." "Watch this!" "Look!" "It's flying!" "See how it flew, kids?" "These are brand new." "It's flying!" "Now it's going to take off kids." "Watch this!" "Look!" "Watch how the UFO flies!" "Look, this toy just came out and we didn't even know about it." "You're right." "It would be bad if the boss sacked us." "Let's get this done." "OK, let's go." "Hello, guys." "Hello!" "Hi." "We were coming to see you." "Where have you been?" "Haven't seen you for a few days." "We've got to get something on these UFOs." "I got your message." "All the papers are talking about them." "This is your fault." "However I'll give you another chance." "Alright?" "Alright, man." "Just trust us." "And give us 24 hours." "Right!" "Give us 24 hours and we'll get a great story on the UFOs." "Let's shake hands." "Alright, I'll go to bat for you." "Don't mess up." "That's all for today." "We'll convene tomorrow." "You want to say something?" "We haven't proven anything." "Like what?" "Well, the UFO issue..." "There's no intelligent life anywhere but on our planet." "That's for sure." "And even if there was, they wouldn't come here now." "Let us now observe some fiery meteorites." "There are some facts about space which we don't yet understand." "Is that so, sir?" "Yes, it is." "Raise the telescope up a little." "I see a flying object." "If another man sees it, we'd call it unidentified and solve the problem." "Is that clear?" "Yes, it is." "You understand too, right?" "L-L-Let's go." "G-Go!" "Be quiet!" "I-I'm hungry." "What?" "Quiet!" "W-What can I do?" "I'm hungry!" "Goddamn you!" "Long story short, gentlemen, we will struggle until we figure it out." "But I'm sure we will figure it out eventually." "Take a look." "You, too." "I think it's a tiny comet." "C'mon, that's enough." "Don't touch me or I'll scream." "Alright, eat it then." "It must be indigestion." "I guess you ate too much this evening." "What's this?" "I smell something." "Yes, I smell it, too." "You ate onions tonight." "I've warned you so many times not to eat such foods before meetings." "Let's finish here." "Tomorrow morning we'll meet here again." "Let's go." "All of them are gone." "Shut up!" "G-get up." "My God!" "What are you doing?" "Don't touch anything before asking me." "OK." "Got that?" "Don't touch anything before asking me." "Come in." "Come in." "C-C-Come in." "C-C-Come in." "C-C-Come in." "Come in." "Come in." "C-Come in." "C-C-Come in." "Come in." "Come in." "Sapsal, listen to this." "Attention, we're looking for a place to land." "Attention, we're looking for a place to land." "She's looking for place to land." "Don't turn the receiver off." "We will land near you." "Come in." "C-Come in." "Don't turn the receiver off." "We won't." "We won't." "Don't turn the receiver off." "W-We won't." "W-W-We won't." "Don't turn the receiver off." "We're landing our saucer." "We come from Merih." "We're landing." "Find us immediately." "We're landing." "Where can we find you?" "L-L-Look at this!" "It landed near the observatory." "It did." "It did." "Let's go." "Yes, l-l-let's go." "I-I-I want to get near this weird thing." "Be careful, it's a long fall." "You could get hurt." "Sapsal, t-t-they are a-angels." "Shut up!" "This is Earth, as they call it." "If the men here are as big and as strong as we think, we'll take them to Merih." "This is our chance to get real men on our planet." "My queen, will we stay here long?" "In my estimation, Earth women are very jealous." "We must take the two men we spoke with and leave this planet right away." "Come on!" "Can't we take more men?" "Wait!" "We'll take men for each of you!" "If we find more, we'll take them, too." "Photograph them." "A-A-Alright." "Let's find the ones we spoke with." "Either we'll take them to Merih or we'll find different men." "Give me the man detector." "Come on!" "Photograph them, quickly!" "I'm getting ready." "Come on!" "OK." "Come on!" "Wait a second." "Come on, quick!" "There they are!" "What did you do?" "!" "I couldn't adjust it properly." "Goddamn you!" "Don't be scared of us." "Come here." "S-S-Sapsal?" "What is it, Kasar?" "Look at them!" "Enough!" "What is your name?" "Sapsal." "And yours?" "Kasar." "You are Sapsal and you are Kasar." "No." "H-H-He is Sapsal, I'm Kasar." "Take off your clothes." "Pardon me?" "I said undress." "I don't get it." "Isn't your name Kasar?" "Yes." "Undress then." "What do you think?" "I don't know." "My name is Kasar." "Undress!" "Stelekami!" "W-W-Wait!" "Don't push me!" "You almost tore my ear off." "So, you're a man?" "I'm supposed to be." "And you?" "Are you the wife of this man?" "S-S-Sorry?" "I don't understand." "W-W-Who said I'm not a man?" "This detector indicates it." "Look." "Yes, you're not a man." "No, that's wrong." "You're crazy." "My queen, could the detector be damaged?" "It could be." "Adjust it and check him again." "Maybe he is a real man." "Amazing!" "He is an extra-extra man." "Take it." "I can't believe this." "He is an extra-extra man!" "Is that so?" "He is extra-extra, huh?" "Really?" "Extra-extra?" "Yes, he is!" "My God, he is extra-extra." "Yeah, extra-extra." "What about it?" "You are so rare." "Your kind is not found on Merih." "Sapsal." "You hear them?" "My kind is so rare I didn't even know about it." "Excuse me, but what's this about?" "You will belong to all of us." "Come on!" "Are you all crazy?" "I'm not that easy." "Sapsal?" "Be careful, you wouldn't want to upset us." "Let's move!" "Wait, we are not philanderers." "You have to obey us." "You're our slaves!" "You'll do what we want!" "Yes, but the world we live in has rules." "They don't allow us to marry all of you." "They don't, huh?" "Don't cross us." "Once you understand our power, you'll have to obey." "Is that clear, Earthlings?" "Yes." "Do you still object?" "Sapsal, tell them I'll marry one of them if they want." "My friend says he'll marry one of you." "I'll marry one of you, too." "Sapsal, tell them to answer right now." "Talk!" "Answer us!" "A-A-Answer us!" "You'll marry me?" "Yes." "And you'll marry me?" "S-S-Sure." "What about us?" "Don't worry." "We'll find men for each of you." "Is that possible?" "Sure it is." "Sure it is, but first save us from this cold iron." "Stelekami!" "Stelekami!" "We can talk now." "You first." "Let's talk alone." "You know you can't speak of family stuff publicly." "Alright, you can leave now." "How old are you?" "28." "And you?" "23." "And you?" "400." "What?" "I said 400." "And you?" "500." "Christ!" "Wait a second and I'll explain." "Whoever drinks this elixir remains young and vigorous for 1000 years." "It's enough to have just a drop of it." "We have many bottles like this one." "Each one has a different effect." "Listen, Sapsal." "A bottle of this can make millions in the women's club." "Sure!" "I don't understand." "If we take these bottles, we can get you a lot of men." "Nice idea." "They can use the elixir and hunt a lot of men." "Take this then." "Give it to me." "Excuse us." "Excuse us." "G-G-Goodbye." "Goodbye." "See you." "See you." "Excuse us." "Pardon me." "Sapsal." "Excuse us, please." "Goodbye." "Pardon me." "Sapsal." "Um..." "Pardon me." "Excuse me." "Stelekami!" "Kami Stele!" "Tell me, where are you going?" "To the Grand Hotel." "Where our friends stay." "Don't betray us." "We'll be watching you." "Come here." "Look." "This is the saloon of the hotel, right?" "Yes." "Here he is." "How can you call us bums?" "Welcome, sir." "You too, sir." "I respect you both." "Why did you call us bums?" "I don't speak of you like that." "Who says that?" "Where have you been?" "You got me into trouble." "We were looking for discoveries." "And we discovered a flying saucer." "Don't lie to me!" "Where were you?" "This is the elixir of life from the flying saucer." "Whoever drinks it, remains young and vigorous." "I don't like fairy tales." "Where are the photos?" "Photos?" "We didn't take any photos." "You can't cheat me!" "Take a drop of this." "Drink!" "It works nicely." "Yes." "Let's see how it works." "What is it?" "The elixir of youth?" "Yes, I've heard of this." "What did you hear?" "You'd know better." "You creep." "Let's see if it works." "A horse." "What are you doing?" "Sapsal!" "Wait a minute!" "Whoa!" "Goddamn you!" "Hey, watch out!" "This bottle costs a million bucks." "Elixir of youth, huh?" "I know where to sell it." "Take that!" "My sultan, my master, let's be reasonable." "You're a well-known journalist" "You're a reasonable person, too." "Calm down and give that to me." "Come on!" "Easy, easy!" "Let's get this straight." "I've became young!" "I'm powerful now!" "I feel born again!" "Look at me!" "Come on, boys!" "Please give me a drop of the elixir." "Madam, you are too late to become young." "Could be, but you've been stuttering since an early age." "Let's kiss and have peace, please." "Let's kiss." "Come on." "Kiss her." "Kiss my hand." "What is this with my shoulder?" "Why are you angry?" "Isn't it your shoulder?" "So, I'm kissing you." "A moment please, ladies and gentlemen." "If anyone desires to have this bottle, you can buy it!" "Wait, there's enough in it for 100 people." "A drop is worth 100 million." "Will you buy it?" "I will!" "Come on then!" "I'll make a list of those who'll pay 100 million." "If you accept, ladies and gentlemen, we'll pour the elixir into bottles." "Boss?" "Do you have empty bottles?" "I have many!" "As many as you want!" "There's a room downstairs." "I'll go and get them." "I'm in, too!" "Thank you, boss!" "Who else?" "Ayse." "My name is Ali." "OK, who else?" "Write me on the top of the list." "Alright, honey?" "A-A-Alright." "Who else?" "Don't hurry." "And your name?" "It's Zehra." "Yours?" "Zeki." "And yours?" "It's Ayse." "OK." "Look at her." "She's young and beautiful." "I was like her once upon a time." "Now I'm a golden oldie." "Being young and beautiful is such a great thing." "If I hadn't been so cocky, I wouldn't be alone now." "This loneliness..." "I'm so angry with men." "They don't visit here in spite of the attractive program." "Look!" "Two men showed up!" "Let's go sit at the bar." "Wine, please." "G-Give us wine." "I-I-If you permit," "it would be an honor to serve you." "I accept." "Should we go over there?" "No, they're trash." "Come on." "It doesn't matter if they're trash." "I wonder how you're alone with those standards." "Cheers." "Y-Y-You like alcohol?" "A lot." "Don't you get drunk?" "No, nobody gets drunk from alcohol." "You drink?" "Yes, I do." "Fill it up." "Again." "Fill it up again." "Fill it again." "I'm finishing it." "I'm drinking, too." "You drink so slowly." "C-Come on!" "I can drink the whole bottle in one shot if you want." "You can't." "I can." "To the end?" "To the end." "For money." "OK, put it on the table." "Wanna bet again?" "Yes." "I'll finish off another bottle." "OK, deal." "OK, drink then." "Again." "Accepted." "My God!" "A man!" "Take it, honey." "I'm the type of guy who's into getting high on a Monday afternoon, or a Tuesday afternoon." "I get so high when I put on my schnoz." "I get drunk and I keep on drinking more and more then I drink a little more and puke on the floor." "I'm the type of guy who's into getting high on a Monday afternoon, or a Tuesday afternoon." "I get so high when I put on my schnoz." "I get drunk and I keep on drinking more and more then I drink a little more and puke on the floor." "I think I'm gonna be sick." "I think I'm gonna be sick." "I think I'm gonna puke." "But not before I drink another couple brews and I'd like to buy one for Miss Ugly Hearts, too." "We'll get to know each other like young lovers do, then I'll take her back to my place so that we can... screw!" "What are you doing, Kasar?" "We've waited too long!" "You bums!" "Finally you show up!" "O-O-O..." "M-M-M..." "One moment, please." "We kept our promise." "Here is the bottle." "Here is the bottle." "Yes, the bottle." "Give it to me!" "I'll take my revenge on the women here, if the elixir works like these bums say it does." "Nothing comes out." "Tell me why that is!" "You idiots!" "You think I'm an idiot, too?" "W-W-Well..." "Stop talking!" "I'll get you for this!" "Sapsal, let's move." "Come here!" "Where are you thieves going?" "Come here you cheaters!" "You can't get away from me so easily." "Let's get them!" "You won't get away!" "Hit them!" "Hit them!" "You thieves!" "I said hit them!" "Not me, them!" "Hit them!" "Not me, them!" "Hit them!" "Not me!" "Hey!" "Look here!" "Why are you hitting me?" "They're getting away!" "Don't worry, they can't get away." "I know they can't." "Where is our money?" "I'll fix this." "If the flying saucer really exists, go get another bottle." "Go!" "Right now!" "O-O-One moment." "M-M-My friend..." "h-h-he's..." "outside... a-a-and... t-t-the..." "I said shut up!" "r-r-robot..." "I said shut up." "and t-t-the robot..." "You talk too much." "Shut up!" "O-O-One moment." "You know my friend?" "The robot is crushing him." "I-I-It will kill him." "Save him!" "Get on the TV." "Get on the TV." "M-M-My poor friend." "Come and see him." "Save me, Kasar." "I'll do whatever you want." "Kasar, save me!" "Help me, I'll give you whatever you want." "For God's sake, Mr. Robot, you're masticating me." "Stelekami!" "Stelekami!" "Stelekami!" "It's OK." "Poor man..." "S-S-Sapsal?" "S-S-Sapsal?" "W-W-Why are you laughing?" "He almost died." "What did you do when you left us?" "That issue?" "Well..." "W-W-Well, let's talk." "We lost the elixir." "Yes, we lost it." "Why are you lying?" "We know the truth." "W-W-W..." "What did we do?" "W-W-What did we do?" "You wanted to sell the elixir." "We wanted to sell... huh?" "You lie too much." "I'll show you your buyers waiting." "Come with me." "This is your Grand Hotel." "Who is that tramp?" "Are you English?" "No." "French?" "No." "Italian?" "No." "What then?" "You're English?" "Yes." "French?" "Yes." "Italian?" "Yes." "Spanish?" "Yes." "Turkish?" "Sure!" "Then give me 250 grams of it and we can talk." "You are very playful." "Why are they staring?" "Why are you looking like that?" "It's Marilyn Monroe!" "Come here!" "Gather 'round!" "Can you sign my book, please?" "Can you sign this picture, please?" "Please." "Who is that woman?" "M-M-Ma..." "You shut up, Kasar." "Marilyn Monroe." "T-T-The whole world..." "Stop stuttering!" "The whole world adores her." "She's stunning." "Shame on you." "Shame on you." "Excuse me." "Pardon us." "Pardon us again and again." "Why is that?" "Let her show off." "Why are you blocking her art?" "You're right, but it's a shame that it's a shame because of its shame." "Why is it a shame?" "Why is it a shame to look at beauty?" "Please, gentlemen." "Why the pardons?" "I've never seen anyone more beautiful than you." "Which number is my room?" "It's 226." "My God, what a beauty she is." "It's a shame to peep." "This is a shame!" "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye." "Go to hell!" "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye." "So every man adores her, right?" "You'll pay for betraying us." "W-W-What did we do?" "Shut up!" "You used our elixir to make money by selling it to women." "Then you stole their money." "Every single bottle here has a different function." "This one makes you really happy, and this one makes you young and fresh, but you betrayed us and now you'll pay!" "Stelekami!" "Carry on." "I knocked out the others and can do the same to you." "Why don't you say anything?" "W-W-We feel faint." "You feel faint?" "I'll make you happy now." "You see, you can't escape." "You'll be coming back with us." "But I will let you go if you promise to bring me men." "Deal?" "Deal." "O-O-Of course." "Here's the deal." "I will give you two bottles." "Sapsal, we are so lucky." "Slow down." "W-W-Who's hurrying here?" "We always keep our promises." "You give us two bottles, we bring you as many men as you want." "Here you go." "Give it to me." "Bye." "Goodbye." "See you." "Fellas!" "We keep our promises!" "Here are the bottles!" "Where did you get them?" "From the flying saucer." "Where is it?" "In the center of observation center." "Good news!" "I will write about it in my newspaper!" "Here are the bottles!" "Hey!" "What's going on?" "Welcome." "They sell the elixir of life." "Why the noise?" "None of your business." "What's going on?" "None of your business." "Are you in charge here?" "I wonder if I don't have a right to know?" "You wonder, huh?" "I've got it now." "Now then, if you drink a drop of the elixir, you'll always stay young and fresh." "Not only that, you'll live 1000 years." "What?" "1000 years?" "Please let me drink first." "Stop there." "You've been famous for one year and everyone adores you." "If you live 1000 years you'll seduce too many men." "Give the bottles to me." "You did well giving them the elixir of craziness." "Otherwise you'd be in trouble." "I just do my job, my queen." "I'll stop them if you want." "Yes." "The ugliest woman in Merih is more beautiful than her." "This means the men of Earth have no sense of beauty." "Yes, if you look at her carefully, you see they have no sense." "It's quite odd." "It's dangerous to stay here any longer." "Let's go." "Take them to the saucer." "OK." "Where?" "Let's move!" "What are we gonna do in the saucer?" "Long story short, gentlemen... there are no such things as flying saucers." "My long years of research illustrate this, but we humans can be mistaken." "Professor, I hear some weird voices on the radio." "Like what?" "They don't belong to humans." "It's not like our alphabet." "These are weird voices." "Voices that don't belong to humans." "Don't belong to humans?" "Yes." "Look at this." "Find its location." "Where is it?" "It's very close." "My God!" "Lift it up quickly!" "Wait a minute!" "That's not a meteor, it's a real flying saucer!" "We are going to Merih." "T H E E N D translation by denlar and bubikoglu timings by NicktheCreep, denlar and bubikoglu"