"Are you up for hitting the town." " No, we're broke right now." "Bottle opener and music." "If I don't sell some of those, I'm in trouble." "Do you want to help to do a surprise thing for Sean's birthday?" " Yeah." "Everyone hates me." "My relatives, basically everyone in China." "I lost my scholarship." "I don't think you should give up on your study." "I believe in you." " Don't go home, Sean." "I'll stay if you fight for your scholarship." "This place is going to be the making of me, Mavis." "How do you work that out?" "Oh!" "Interesting fact number 47, Penang is 50% Chinese, May." "Great." "More people who are going to hate me." "No." "You see, that's my customers you're talking about." "Oh, I thought you'd shelved the whole communist kitchenware thing." "No way, May-bowl." "No?" "Just like the British opium lords before me," "I'm intending to use this island as my own personal trading post." "Whoa!" "She likes it." "She loves it." "I cannot wait to see Sean's face when he finds out." "I can't wait for you to see Nepal." "I thought you hadn't been before." "I haven't, but I can't wait either." "I mean, you cannot study philosophy without going to Nepal." "So, going there is like his lifelong dream?" "Oh, it is." "He used to have a massive poster of Everest on his wall when we were kids." "We should definitely get on a trip to base camp." "We're broke, Dylan." "We haven't even got the money for flights or hostels." "Hostel?" "I'll stay in a Himalayan lodge, thank you very much." "Sean only turns 21 once, you know." "What's this about my birthday?" "Oh!" "I was just saying how psyched I am that you didn't go home because I'll get to be there and I love birthdays." "You know, parties and cakes." "Just so you know, I don't like fruit cakes." "OK." "And surprises." "Well, Sean-y, this is one surprise you are going to love." "Do you genuinely not like fruit cake?" "No, I just eat the icing off." "I love fruit cakes." "Yeah." "You are a fruitcake, that's why." "I'm not a fruitcake, I'm saying I love fruitcakes." "Hmm." "We're down here." "I don't understand, the GPS says we're a mile out to see." "Why are you lying to me?" "OK." "We're back on land at least." "I think the hostel's down here." "Whoa!" "What the hell?" "Holy shit, how cheap is this hostel?" "Are you sure this is right, Greg?" "It says so." "Are we in the middle of a riot?" "I don't know." "Find whatever you can that you could use as a weapon." "Like this." "Oh, yeah." "I feel much safer now." "Cut, cut!" "Who the hell are these people in my shot?" "Guys!" "Extras are not needed until tomorrow." "What?" "Huh?" "Is this a movie?" "Yes, this is a fucking movie!" "Aren't you all my extras?" "No!" "No." "But extras is a paid thing, right?" "Of course it is." "OK, where do we sign?" "Thank you." "♪ Hey ♪" "♪ I'm in love" "♪ My fingers keep on clicking to the beating of my heart" "♪ Hey, it's cos of you" "♪ The world is in a crazy, hazy hue" "♪ My heart is beating like a jungle drum" "♪ Dukah-dunk-a-dunk-a-dunk-dunk" "♪ My heart is beating like a jungle drum" "♪ Raka-ruh-ka-kuh-dunk-a-dunk-dunk" "I was actually invited to be a background artist once." "Yes." "Victim numero cuatro on Plumbo Pissau." "Should we have heard of it?" "Yeah." "Well, I don't know." "Banned in 17 countries." "Don't get me wrong." "The violence was insane, so that the critics didn't pick up on the nuanced subtext." "Happens all the time." "Norway banned the Life of Brian for being way ahead of the curve, and who's laughing now?" "Not Norway." "They are weeping into their fjords." "I just need to say something to her, Dyl." "I've sat on this for a week, things have really changed between us." "Yeah." "But Ashley's quite, you know, flirty." "I know, I know." "But this is different." "I really like her and I think she likes me, too." "What makes you think that?" "Well, first she keeps telling me not to go home, and now she keeps going on about some birthday surprise." "Yeah." "Sure, mate, that can mean a lot of things." "Like what?" "Well, maybe she really is going to buy you a cake." "You see, now it's saying that we're in Burma." "But I think this is us." "We shouldn't have spent money on rickshaws." "What's that smell?" "Seriously, what is that smell?" "What is that?" "Wowee!" "It's getting worse." "Wow!" "Oh, my God!" "OK." "We can do this." "Oh, shotgun!" "Dyl." "We're here to seek our fortunes, remember." "Sorry, mate." "This is merely the rags before the riches." "Arggh!" "You sure you want to slum it with us?" "Might not be the best thing for older bones." "Hey, we're family, aren't we?" "Solidarity, sister." "Oh, shit." "So, I've got 48 hours to send an appeal for my scholarship, to, "Help us understand what went wrong."" "Ash, that's amazing!" "Yeah, fuck and suck up, great." "Oh!" "May." "Jesus!" "Possibly the sources of the pong." "See that?" "I think I've just been spotted." "Yeah." "You're right, Dyl." "Maybe they're going to send the Malaysian Gosling home now that they've had a look at the Nutkins." "Obviously, I don't expect to be discovered or anything." "Oh, right." "It does happen." "Brad Pitt, he was an extra before he was famous, and he's not even that good." "All right, everyone." "Today's going to be a very, very busy day, so I need all of you to do exactly as I say." "Right." "Red number 15 and 16, you two are a couple." "Ooh!" "Costume, now." "Oh, OK." "Oh, God." "Dyl, me and Ash are a couple." "Should I say something?" "I'd be careful if I was you, mate." "You don't want to end up lunging." "What?" "What if she just thinks of you as a mate?" "Oh, you reckon I'm mugging myself?" "Why don't we swap?" "Let's me probe her for a bit and find out if she actually likes you." "Yeah, yeah." "Good idea, good idea." "Cheers, man." "Here." "Excuse me." "Hi." "Why is mine black?" "The outbreak starts in Chinatown." "Well, I..." "Nice!" "This is so not funny." "Oh!" "I don't know why you're laughing." "I'd rather be pregnant than whatever that is." "Hello, hello, hello!" "What's all this, then?" "That weirdly sort of suits you." "Yes, it does." "I always wanted to be a copper when I was a kid." "The Colombo of Stevenage, that's what they would have called me." "Stay where you are, stay where you are!" "Jesus!" "All right." "Right." "Three of you come with me." "You, make up." "You, in your pen." "My pen?" "As in pig pen?" "And zombies eat in there, too." "Not in dining tent." "What?" "Why?" "Don't want to put the other extras of their food!" "What the..." "You." "Yeah." "No logos in camera." "I guess Gosling's safe, then." "Torres, number 6." "Yep." "12?" "Yes." "And 17?" "Here!" "Married couple, numbers 15 and 16." "Oh, decided to swap." "Oh." "Well, you divorced me already." "And I thought we were meant to be." "Look, I don't care whoever knocked you up." "Charming." "All I need you to do is take his hand and run, from the grey car to that white car, looking scared." "Can you manage that?" "Yes." "OK, great." "All right, guys." "To first position." "Go, go!" "Action." "Cut!" "Whoa!" "Nailed it." "You." " Yeah?" " More fear." "OK." "You, take it down five notches." "You, take your top off." "Take off what?" "My top off?" " Yes." "As in, not on?" " It's with the director, Ray, wants." "Now, take it off." "Hey, if you've got it..." "Maybe I should take mine off too." "No, no, no." "Just him." "Put it back on." "Maybe you should talk to Ray, I..." "Put it back on!" "All right, guys." "The first position." "Come on, hubby." "May!" "No, no, no, I'm sorry." "I think I've exhausted all of my Chinese, I'm afraid." "May!" "What's going on?" "It's about meeting tomorrow, I think." "But he's speaking in Chinese." "Oh, OK." "He says you're late." "No, I'm not." "It's tomorrow." "He says it's today." "Tell him I'm coming." "What if we're called?" "I am being called, May!" "By destiny." "If I don't make a sale here, my business..." "Well, actually my entire life, is absolutely buggered." "Go get him." "Sorry!" "Excuse me!" "Whoa!" "How's it going?" "Oh, it's shit, isn't it?" "We'd be fighting them back." "This is stupid." "What?" "No, I'm talking about Ash." "Not the zombie apocalypse." "Oh!" "Well, I haven't spoken to her yet." "It's delicate work, mate." "Can't just blurt it out." "Cut!" "Can you please not talk in shot?" "Sorry." "All right, guys." "Lunch break." "First lunch." "Thank you very much." "That is not a movie trash." "It's definitely real." "Hey, how come you got lunch already?" "Oh, I'm obviously more important and I'm eating for two." "What?" "That's not fair." "Do you think I should say something?" "No, no." "Leave it, May." "Let's go see what they've got left." "So, let me show you somewhere cool." "Quite moving, isn't it?" "Pop some old films, just waiting to be..." "Whoa!" "Pervert." "Oh, get over yourself." "Molesting me." "Objectifying Sean." "What are you talking about?" "You know, "If you've got it."" "A bit inappropriate." "Hash tag everyday sexism." "Oh, yeah." "You poor things, being judged on your bodies." "I can't imagine what that must be like." "Do you fancy him?" "What?" "Don't be a dick, Dylan." "I was only fooling around." "Sean and me are friends, good friends." "Weird." "Our little zombie baby." "Should we start a marching band with our baby?" "Sean's a friend, of course I'm not into him." "Hold up, I'm here!" "I'm here!" "Oh!" "No, no!" "I'm not the police!" "Put your hands down!" "Get your hands down!" "Why are you calling him?" "No, I'm not the police." "Mr Zhou." "Oh, bugger me." "I'm an extra!" "I've come to show you my product, which you're going to love, incidentally." "Oh, for heaven's sake." "No, that's not real!" "That's not a real gun!" "It's not a real gun!" "This is not, it's not real." "Look, it doesn't matter." "No, please!" "No," "I'm not a real policeman!" "I'm a person!" "I just want a meeting!" "Just let me have a meeting!" "Mmm." "Is that it?" "No, I'm good." "Sean!" "Is this what Ash had?" " Yeah, maybe some of it was, once." "Hey!" " Hmm?" " Where's your friend?" "Uh, policeman number 25?" "Oh!" "Erm..." "I'm sorry, I actually don't know." "Oh!" "But while you're here..." "We've all been talking, and this isn't what they're serving in the tent." "It's leftovers, like some sort of food collage." "We've been crawling around in dumpsters all morning, and it doesn't seem entirely fair." "And I haven't eaten properly in two days." "Why is it my problem?" "It's not." "I get that, but why should we be treated any differently?" "You know, just because we're zombies?" "Look." "If you don't want to eat it, then don't eat it." "Yes, May!" "Oh, that is so good." "Wow!" "Did you get all this for us?" "Er..." "Yes!" "Obviously, I'm not going to eat all this by myself." "Hey." "Yo." "I spoke to her." "Ash." "Sorry man, I don't know." "She doesn't fancy you." "She thinks a lot of you, no question." "But..." "You're in the friend zone, and once you're in, it's..." "There's no getting out." "It's like Alcatraz." "You OK?" "Yeah." "At least she didn't let me make a complete dick of myself." "No worries, man." "Anyway, this trip was about us broadening our horizons, getting out on the road, Kerouac-style." "Not getting tied down." "The right girl could walk into your life at any time." "See?" "Maybe you'll have more luck with the undead." "Coffee?" "Um, can I get a flat white, please?" "No." "And in conclusion, please consider reinstating my scholarship." "I feel confident I'll have a much more productive sophomore year." "Mmm." "Why don't you make a list of stuff you need to address?" "And your attendance was like 20%, right?" "23%, actually." "Ooh!" "I take it the meeting didn't go well?" "No." "Jotty and Daisy were right." "The bottle openers are dog shit." "A dog shit product for a dog shit salesman." "Hey, don't give up!" "You're a conquering opium lord, remember?" "I'm not an opium lord." "If I was, I'd be smoking my own supply now, getting high." "I've got?" "212 left." "I might have to move back in with my mother." "I'm 37!" "Well, that might be nice, being back home with mum." "I've got a bedtime, there!" "I mean it's late, it's 11pm, but it's not great." "Right!" "Come on, Greg." "Fix up, look sharp!" "We're going to have a boys' night out." "And how are we paying for that?" " Well Greg's got £212." "Oh!" "I'm kidding, obviously it's my treat, come on." "Sean, come on, chop, chop, let's get a move on!" "Colombo!" "Of course I'm bloody coming!" "Yes!" "Happy writing, Ash." "Bye!" "Here you go." "So cheering, Dylan, thank you." "You can have first dibs on that." "Amazingly, someone needs it even more than I do." "I know you feel like shit, mate." "Honestly, just give it a day or two and I bet you wouldn't even care if she got with someone else." "I remember the first few days after my heartbreak very well." "The number one bit of advice - whatever you do, do not stalk her." "Yeah, I'm obviously not going to stalk her, Greg." "I'm not Dylan." "Hey!" "OK, fair point." "No, but I mean you need to completely back off." "I would." "Well I mean, I didn't, but that's how I know you should." "The important thing right now is that you cut every tie that bound you together." "So with me and Daisy, that was kitchen utensils." "With you and Ash, there's some hanging out." "You need to get some self-respect going, doesn't he?" "He's right, Sean!" "Better off staying away from her." "Oy!" "My bag, my bag!" "Oh, no, no!" "Go on, mate." "OK!" "Greg, that was some serious acceleration!" "Did you see how close I was?" "Did you see that?" "Thank you." "You all right, though." "Yeah!" "We've got the handbag, we've got the handbag!" "Thank you!" "Whoa, I ate so much breakfast." "You." "Yeah?" "You, come." "OK, come with me." "What's that about?" "Maybe Sean's been discovered." "Yeah, right." " All right guys, first position, please!" "Aah!" "I will not let you take her!" "What are you doing?" "Get away from me, you filthy zombies!" "What was that?" "I was channelling my character's back story." "You see, I think for Mitch, this woman is everything to him." "Without Debbie, his life wouldn't be worth living." "Who the hell is Mitch?" "You went full Nicolas Cage, man." "Ray's an idiot." "I thought it was very brave." "You, you!" "Straight into costume check." "And you, make up!" "OK." "Ashley, tick tock, ten hours left to send your appeal!" "You haven't started it yet, have you?" "I've started it." "It's just, all the grovelling and stuff, it's like trying to get blood out of a stone." "Some very tiny drops of very gritty blood." "You want to help?" "Uh, no, I think I'd be quite rubbish at that kind of thing." "Yeah, he would be quite rubbish, actually." "Well go on, then, Mr writer, what would you write?" "Well, I wouldn't grovel, for one thing." "I'd just tell them how great you are and accentuate the positives." "Well, maybe some of us aren't so hot on self-promotion as you, Mitch." "Oh." "Let the big guy have a whack at it, then." "Knock yourself out." "A cop?" "You're actually going to join up?" "It's a proper job, May." "Everyone looks up to the boys in blue." "I think this could be the making of me." "Oh!" "The old exploding condom." "Yes." "Death in the line of duty, you see, May." "Could there be a more noble ending?" "May, we have a problem." "Wan!" "Oh, please, not now." "I don't mean to disturb you." "I don't want to add to, like, the huge amount of pressure you're under or anything." "But?" "You're going to water cannon us." "Please." "But it's just..." "I don't mean to be a pain but is that even legal?" "I mean, can't they kill people?" "No-one will die." "I speak for the zombies, and we're going to strike." "They've agreed." "Lose the water, or we strike." "I can make sure you're not water cannoned." "Well, that's not..." "Can you?" "No cannon." "Access to the dining tent." "Yeah, but..." "What's for lunch?" "Grilled red snapper, dim sum, green curry." "Oh wait, banoffee pie." "Can I lose wearing this?" "Hey." "Ooh!" "It's actually an improvement." "Should you be smoking?" "Oh, it's OK in the third trimester." "Why do you let Dylan talk to you like that?" "Say you're shit all the time?" "I don't." "Right." "So, you're totally down with him being so much better than you?" "Dylan's looking out for me." "You don't understand." "Sure, it's a super complicated man thing." "Gotcha." "At least I don't believe people when they tell me I'm shit." "What's that supposed to mean?" "You don't need any help writing that statement." "You're really clever, but you make out like you don't deserve to be there." "You don't know what it's like at college." "It's full of frap boys that think they can treat me like crap, because their dad paid for the science block and my dad drives a cab." "Don't go, then." "I want my degree." "Well, don't let the dicks ruin it for you, then." "Right." "So now you're an expert?" "Yeah, well maybe Dylan was right, I'm obviously rubbish at this." "Feet down, son." "What this?" "I told Ash I'd write her appeal for her." "Hmm." "Very generous of you." "You don't still fancy her as well, do you?" "No, no." "Of course not." "Just, er, helping a friend out." "That's all." "Well, I'm glad to hear it." "Because you and Ash, copping off all over Everest, would be a very poor choice for Sean, birthday present wise." "There's no danger of that." "Me and Ash are beyond any copping of any kind." "Hmm." "Well, I hope so." "I want you two to kiss." "Is that really necessary?" "You know, she's English." "So why don't I say, erm, "Well done, dear."" "Just kiss her!" "Eh, it's not like we haven't done it before." "Only this time I'm the love of your life." "Right, guys." "First position, everyone." "Roll sound." "Action." "Cut!" "OK, Dylan." "They said, "Cut!"" "Moving on." "Well done, lover boy." "How come you're out there, May?" "Do we all get new stickers?" "Well, no, not exactly." "You see, it's about give and take." "And I've got their ear now." "I thought you were one of us." "I am." "You just care about yourself, you traitor." "What's different, there?" "Have you had your hair done?" "It's a girl!" "I want to call her Jaquonqua, but Dylan, here, has got other ideas." "Go ahead, tell them your suggestion." "Bronte." "See what I'm working with, here?" "Falling at the first hurdle of parenting." "You two should never have a baby." "Or do anything that might, in theory, lead to one." "Zombies and cops on set." "Tourists to make-up." "Here we go." "Finished your appeal, by the way." "Oh, thanks." "As an open hearted, beguiling and luminous person who attracts and inspires everyone around her, I naturally found that my academic work suffered as my admiring fellow students competed for my time and attention." "It's great." "Erm..." "I'm not sure the tone is quite right for college, but it's cute." "Thank you." "It's all true." "Ah, thanks, Dyl." "Whoa, Dylan!" "What are you doing?" "It's OK, don't fight it." "Fight what?" "Well, this feeling between us." "What?" "No, Dylan..." "Dylan, I don't feel anything for you." "I think you do." "And I don't think you do, either." "This is just what you do." "You flip flop." "I don't flip flop." "Er, hello?" "Lauren, the novel writing?" "Yeah, but that's totally different." "I see that now." "And this thing between us is real." "This is the real thing, Ash." "This might come as a shock, Dylan, but not everyone loves you as much as you love yourself." "Ash!" "Got your guns, right?" " Yeah." "All right." "So you take the gun, put it to your head, shoot yourself and at the same time activate the blood pack." "Easy." "That doesn't make sense." "How does suicide match up with my previous heroics?" "What?" "Well, listen, I've been fighting zombies all over the shop, and I almost caught a thief." "Now, OK, that wasn't in the actual film but that still speaks to a man's character." "Listen." "Yes." "It doesn't matter if it matches up." "It's just a montage." "All right?" "Yes, sir." "All right, let's go for a take." "Right, guys, first position." "I think maybe I was wrong before." "About you being over Ash in a few days." "It must be torment for you, seeing her all the time, feeling humiliated." "I wouldn't say I was humiliated." "Best to have a clean break, though, don't you think?" "Yeah." "Maybe after the shooting, me and you should take off." "Go do your birthday surprise?" "Yeah?" "Yeah." "What is it?" "Something you'll enjoy a lot more if you're not dealing with rejection." "Come on!" "Let's give you a life-changing 21st." "Sorry, hang on!" "Stop." "My blood pack's not working." "I'm so sorry." "Make up, check." "It's just not working." "I'm banging away and the condom isn't..." "What's the hold-up?" "So sorry about this." "Wow!" "Wow!" "You know what?" "Forget the suicide shot." "We're moving on." "You're still dead in the next scene." "Sure, yep." "As long as I went down fighting." "What's up with the new friends?" "What does shiu mean?" "Water." "And pao?" " Canon." " Oh." "OK, let me read it." " What?" "Your appeal." " Oh, I'm not quite finished." "What?" "It just needs one last polish." "Make sure the pathetic begging really jumps of the page." "Ash, it's not funny." "Yeah, well, I've had some shit going on." "Dylan just made a move on me." "Huh!" "OK." "I thought you were more into Sean, now." "Why does everyone keep saying that?" "Sean's a friend." "Yeah, he's great." "He's sweet, sensitive." "I can see why someone might like him." "But..." "I don't sleep with friends." "You do spend a lot of time with him." "We're hardly attached at the hip." "It's always you and Sean doing this, you and Sean doing that." "You can see how that might look." "Do you think that's how it might look to Sean?" "Oh, my God!" "That's why he didn't want to be Chiquanqua's dad." "Sean thinks I like him." "I mean, maybe you do?" "No." "No." "All right, everybody." "Moving on to the final scene and I need everybody on set." "Hey." "Hey." "Um, look, Sean." "I think you might have the wrong idea about me." "I've got no ideas about you." "None." "Because it's not like I want to hang out all the time, you know." "It's cool." "Yeah." "Yeah, I mean, me and Dylan are heading off after this." "Oh." "Sort of like a boys only thing." "Right, amazing." "Yeah." "Just as long as you're not leaving because of me." "What?" "No, no." "I mean, it wasn't even my idea." "Dylan planned it." "I just..." "Oh." "Right, you come with me." "Perfect." "All right, fire up the water cannon." "Huh?" "Stop!" "Stop, stop." "Not this again!" "We can't let them do this to us." "Us?" "What do you care?" "You're not going to be hit." "If that water canon doesn't go off, the zombies do not get paid." "What is the hold-up?" "I just want to get paid and get out of here." "Yeah, so I heard." "I know all about your little plan to take off with Sean." "One rejection and you run away crying." "I'm not running, and I'm certainly not crying." "No wonder I got the wrong idea, the way you flirt with me all the time." "Are you serious?" "I'm sorry I called you a traitor." "This is really amazing of you." "It's just we kind of want to get paid." "Oh." "Right." "As per usual." "You are so delusional." "Oh, am I?" "You are so delusional." "Well, you can shut up." "What's going on?" "Nothing, Sean." "It's nothing to do with you, mate." "Oh, really?" "Dylan's plan for you to leave has nothing to do with your birthday." "He tried to kiss me and now he's running away because I shot him down." "I knew it." "I bloody knew it." "I should have trusted me gut." "God dammit, Greg." "Listen to your gut." "You're an arsehole, Dyl." "Sean?" "Hey, what's going on?" "I'm sorry, man." "I didn't do anything with her until I knew for sure that she didn't fancy you." "He's just covering his ass, as he always does." "Always out for himself." "So why am I taking him to Nepal, then, for his birthday?" "Making his dream come true?" "My what?" "What are you talking about, what dream?" "Nepal." "You had a massive poster in your room when we were kids of Everest." "That wasn't my poster, Dyl." "That was yours, you selfish prick." "OK, OK." "OK, Dyl, come on, man." "We don't want any trouble." "OK, so maybe I forgot whose thing Nepal is." "But you'll love it." "I know you will." "Please?" "You always know what's best for me." "You knew this whole stupid trip would be so good for me, because I'm some kind of idiot." "Because my clothes are shit, I've got the wrong suitcase, or I don't read Keroucac or go university or any of that shit." "It's Kerouac, actually." "What?" "It's Kerouac." "Sean!" "That is not call, bro." "Dylan, come on." "No, no!" "No, no!" "Dylan!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Stop it, guys." "Dylan!" "Dylan!" "Oh, my God, stop, stop, stop." "You guys." "Think about what you're doing, guys." "All right, Dyl..." "Oh, that's not mine!" "You are all fired!" "You're kidding me!" "Sean?" " Hey, Dyl." "Where's the gruesome twosome?" "Don't know." "I've got bigger shit to fry than those two." "Entire life to sort out in less than an hour." "Maybe I should stay and help." "No, you and Greg should go to your zombie dinner." "I've got this." "We won't get paid now, so don't turn down free food." "Sean did get something right." "Time to stop letting people tell me I'm not good enough." "I mean, really, if Dylan can get a degree..." "I don't deserve to wear it, May." "Hm?" "I don't deserve to wear it." "Detection, family liaison, negotiation, even keeping the peace" " I have failed at each and every count." "I've failed at everything, May!" "No." "Yes!" "No, Greg." "Duck." "What?" "Lauren will charge you for that!" "I'd like to see her try." "I've got nothing left, May." "And I'll tell you what, she'll get short shrift from Mrs Levell if she tries to track me down." "Daisy?" "My mother." "More beer!" "Oh, look at that!" "Yeah, yeah!" "That is lovely!" "Marvellous!" "Oh, lovely!" "Up you're bum!" "Oh, my God." "Can a man not get a break?" "Hello." "Our father says a friend of May's is a friend of ours and therefore welcome to stay... even though he pointed a gun at them." "Well..." "What?" "I was just showing them that it was fake." "This is awful, I can't do this." "Wait, what if this is a second chance?" "Forget about the gun stuff, what did they actually say about the bottle openers?" "I didn't get a chance to show them." "There was so much screaming." "Have you got one with you now?" " Always." "There you are." " OK." "OK, come on." "What's she saying?" " That it's good." "Sorry, what are you saying?" "That you're reliable." "I am reliable." " Yes." "Tell them that I once supplied John Lewis." " OK." "We'll give them 10% off if they buy a thousand." "If they buy the whole lot, 20% off..." "If they buy it now." "OK, OK." "Hey, dude, quick." "I need Wi-Fi, have you got Wi-Fi?" "I've got like two minutes to send something." "Here's the password." "Oh, thank you." "The Internet's down at the hostel." "I'm only here to send my statement." "I am back!" "I'm back like Take That." "Yeah, well done in there." "No, no, no, no, no, it was nothing." "Business is easy when you stick to the three C's - commitment, confidence and communication." "Oi, we've got a Mayday, Mayday." "Hm?" "Oh, no!" "So, what did you write in the end?" "That I messed up cos people expected me to." "I decided to be honest." "Ash, I-I-I-I like you." "I have since I met you in Beijing." "Why didn't you just tell me?" "Cos I'm an idiot." "No, you're not." "There, there they are!" "Hey!" "He's gone!" "What?" "!" "Dylan, he's gone!" "Seanos, from Dylan." "Dear Wallies, I'm more sorry than I can say." "You're all better off without me." "I deserve to be alone." "I just need to be by myself to find myself." "It's a full-on forlorn Captain Oates." "The porridge guy?" "No, he's a Quaker not a captain." "Captain Oates says the... "I'm going out now, may be some time."" "He's gone to Nepal, to Everest." "We need to get him back." "Book some flights." "It's a search and rescue." "How?" "I can pay." "I've sold the bottle openers." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Let's go." "Come on, Mavis, we've got a man down." "That is a 10-53, all units." "You do know today was your last day as a cop, Greg?" " I know." "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." "Eyes peeled, people, this is like a big old game of hide and seek." "You!" "You!" "Oh, wait, you're sweaty." "All right." "OK, thanks." "Hi, Mom." "I didn't know you had a sister, May." "You want me to scrub the whole square?" " The whole square." "From Kathmandu to Chicago O'Hare, departing tomorrow at 11:35am."