"The seven wonders of the world." "Christ, the redeemer, the Taj Mahal, the great pyramids, truly man's greatest achievements." "But there is one man who sees it differently." "It is like a pylon." "Karl Pilkington." "I don't know the politically correct term, moron, I think." "He's a round, empty-headed chimp-like monc moron, buffoon, idiot." "And he's a friend." "He's a typical englander and doesn't like going out of his comfort zone." "I just think it would be amazing to send him around the world." "What we would like to see is him experience other cultures, other peoples, and see if any way we can change his outlook on the world." "I've been to many exotic places." "I genuinely think travel broadens the mind." "I want him to hate it." "I want him to hate every minute of it for my own amusement." "Nothing is funnier than Karl in a corner being poked by a stick." "I am that stick." "And now I have the might of Sky behind me." "This is one of the funniest, most expensive practical jokes" "I've ever done, and it's gonna be great." "Just let me go home!" "Jesus Christ." "Karl, you may have seen this place in the film "Indiana Jones and last crusade"..." "Petra, in Jordan." "Extraordinary ancient city carved into the rock." "I suppose it's like a cave." "In a way." "***" "I mean, I'd love to live there." "I'd love that to be my house." "Would you?" "It would be amazing." "But what I say about things like this is, you're better to be in the cave across from it where you're looking at that." "You're getting the nice view." "The people living in this are looking at my hole." "Do you know what I mean?" "I always think about nice houses and stuff." "You're better off in the council block across the road." "'Cause you're looking at a stately home." "'Cause you're looking at the niceness." "They're looking at the grimness." "Yeah." "But you're living in the grimness." "We haven't seen the inside for a start." "You're saying that's amazing." "I'm saying it looks good from the outside." "That's the sort of thing that, on an estate agent, you'll go," ""let's go and see that."" "Then you go, "hang on a minute." "Why ain't it been sold yet?"" "There's a reason." "The inside's not that good." "Well, let me know." "Let me know if it's worth buying." "And, also, what does it face?" "'Cause if there's a shack across the road, I'm not buying it." "I'll buy the shack." "Right." "That's what I'm saying." "When I started this off, there was no mention of going to places like Israel." "Seven wonders of the world." "That will be all right." "Where are they?" "Nowhere dangerous." "Oh, they're in Jordan." "Well, what are we doing here?" "Israel's bad news." "I don't know why we just couldn't go straight to Jordan, see the wonder, go home." "When we went to India, there was none of this." "We went straight there." "There was no stopping off." "Let's just nip to Afghanistan." "There was none of that." "Straight there." "So why are we messing about here?" "I mean, maybe it's not that bad, but all I know is, whenever you hear about Israel, it's problems." "That's all you see on the news." "You never have a "and finally, a happy story." "The world's largest marrow has been grown in Israel."" "It doesn't happen, that." "It's never a fun story." "It's the... it's kicking off again." "I sort of feel like that relationship that that bloke had, you know, the one who climbed a mountain and ended up caught in the rope of his mate?" "That's what Steve's like." "He's caught in the rope and is leaving me here dangling in [bleep]" "I'm staying out of this place." "Do you know what I mean?" "You got blokes walking around with guns." "I just feel like I'm constantly on alert, 'cause there is an edginess to it, isn't there?" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Ow!" "I can't breathe." "Oh, my God." "What?" "I don't know what you're saying." "Stop hitting me on the head!" "Aah!" "Be good!" "Be good!" "I'm being good." "Be good!" "Talk to me!" "Are you English?" "Are you English?" "Yes, talk to me!" "Who are you?" "What do you want?" "What are you doing with the Israelis?" "I'm just here on a holiday." "Yes, on holiday!" "You are a spy!" "You are a [bleep] spy!" "I'm not a [bleep] spy [bleep]" "You are a spy." "Who is your manager?" "What is the number of him?" "It's in me mobile." "What mobile?" "What is the number of him?" "***" "I don't even know me mum and dad's number!" "Give me the [bleep] number of the Shabach." "Who are you giving this [bleep]?" "Sky!" "Sky!" "Sky!" " Why Sky?" " Sky1." "Sky 1?" "It's pretty..." "pretty frightening." "You know, most of the people..." "Sorry." "You know, I mean, the adrenaline, I was shaking for about 15 minutes after, you know, that happened, but it makes me realize I haven't got a clue, really." "You have to know by heart a telephone number of the back office of you, that you are going to call them and tell them the secret word that you decided before." "You said the secret word." "That means he knows that you are under danger." "There's no secret word." "There should be." "I haven't got one, honestly." "I'm not messing around." "No one has given me a word." "I don't know what number to call." "I would have to call Suzanne and say I'm in a bit of a bother." "I wouldn't want to panic her straightaway, so I'd say "how is everything?"" "And then I'd say, "all right, listen." "Bit of a problem."" "Okay." ""I was taken away."" "She'd probably start going, "what do you mean?"" "I'd go, "shh." "Quiet." "I've got low battery."" ""Where are you?" "Where are you?" "Shh." "Don't shout, because they can hear me."" "Where?" "What country?" "Where?" "Well, you know where I am." "Where?" "You never listen to me, you see." "You keep going on about about your efforts." ""Where are you?" "I'm in Israel."" ""In Israel?" "What?" "Where are you?" "Where are you, sir?"" ""Yeah, you're right." "You're right." "We haven't sorted anything out."" "I mean, I'm clueless." "But I didn't know I was coming to Israel." "The fact that they teach that stuff here means that it does go on." "I mean, that wasn't all set up for me, was it?" "That's proper training." "That's what they do." "Why would they have me?" "What can I offer?" "They'd call the embassy up, say, "we got Karl Pilkington here."" ""Who?" "Haven't got a record of him."" "I don't think I'd even make the news." "I'd probably get in the local paper in Manchester if it was a light news day." ""Karl Pilkington, Manchester, is stuck in a hut somewhere in Israel."" "Go, go, go, go, go, go!" "Check the other side!" "Fine." "Go to the door!" "Stay there!" "Good!" "Okay." "How you feel?" "Knackered." "Huh?" "Yeah." "Did that look good?" "These guys wait for you in the corner." "Yeah." "I don't know if I saw the gun or not, though." "He looks like he's from Liverpool." "I thought he was up to no good." "Yes." "He looks like a scouser." "What is this all about?" "You know, I thought I was seeing the wonders of the world." "I thought I was on me way to see Petra in Jordan." "The plane lands." "I'm in Israel." "Not Jordan, you know, where the wonder is." "Israel." "Yesterday, I spent a day getting a bag put over me head." "And then you turn around and say, "oh, you might need that, with being in Israel."" "Well, I don't want to be in Israel, then." "Man, it can't be that dodgy, can it?" "'Cause look at all the tourists." "They sort of relax me a little bit, I think, 'cause you don't keel up to go into a danger zone." "But there is a lot of people about with guns." "You know, is it all part of it, though?" "Do they do that for the tourists?" "Does it make the tourists feel like, "oh, it's a bit edgy," but really it's not gonna kick off?" "It can't work out." "At the end of the day, I'm just not that into religion." "Do you know what I mean?" "It doesn't excite me." "I don't need it in me life." "But because I'm here, you know, Steve's sort of saying, "you might as well see some of it."" "I said, "well, like what?"" "He said, "well, the wailing wall."" "I said, "what?"" "He said, "the wailing wall." "It's really popular over there."" "So I'm gonna go look at a wall." "This is all new to me." "It's not like I've come here with any idea of what this is about." "I have no idea." "They're all doing different things, you know." "Some are kissing the wall." "He's nodding at it." "People sticking bits of paper in." "And there's bits of rubbish in there." "It's some sort of one of those insurance..." "Oh, sorry." "Like a form about insurance or something stuck in that one." "So, they even get junk mail." "There's junk mail in the wall." "It's a weird one, the wall." "It reminded me of, like, people who write to..." "You're not gonna get an answer, or not everyone, anyway." "It's a waste of time." "I always think about an alien..." "If an alien landed and for some reason had picked me, and they go, "Karl, you're our leader whilst we're here." "Why do people do this in Israel?"" "I don't know." "Hard to explain that." "It's not what I thought it would be, Jerusalem." "I had this vision in me head of a place where, you know, Jesus was knocking about on a donkey." "That's been shattered now." "And everywhere you go, there seems to be some other religious people coming out of the woods somewhere." "It is like pac-man, isn't it?" "You go down a little alley thinking, "this will be quiet down there," and a load of stuff comes at you." "Nothing's ever easy, is it?" "You know, Steve said he sorted me out with a lift to get back to the hotel." "Well, that's nice of him." "And then this lot turned up." "My whole life, this is all I want to do." "I want to go around in this car or another car every day and make people happy." "Why not?" "Here's what we do in traffic jams." "They were nice enough lads and that, but doing that is dangerous." "And there's enough danger here, you know, with, you know, bombs going off or blokes walking out with guns." "I don't need to add more danger to me little trip by dancing about on a busy road." "Do you know how many smiles we're gaining right now?" "We could be saving lives right now." "Somebody, you know, who's maybe depressed who wanted to commit suicide, now he's smiling." "Now he doesn't want to." "She's not smiling." "Pass me a sticker." "See that sticker?" "Yeah." "Put it on the bus." "She's terrified." "She's terrified." "She's going, "for God's sake."" "She went like that and locked the door." "All right." "The lights are changing." "Lights, lights, lights, lights!" "We're not getting out again." "Where are you going?" "Oh, for [bleep]" "And it's okay." "I mean, I might as well have got on a bus." "At least the bus has less stops than they do." "I mean, every hundred yards, they were getting out, having a dance." "Please." "Good stuff, huh?" "Yeah, it's good." "Come out with us." "Come out with us, just for a bit." "Come on." "Two minutes." "On a corner." "Couldn't pick a dangerous spot." "This is the most dangerous place." "Yeah, I felt a bid bad jumping out and legging it, but I don't like dancing, do I?" "You know, I don't dance at weddings, so I'm not gonna start doing it on a dual carraigeway, am I?" "I mean, there's really a lot of misery in the world, but that doesn't help me." "That's making me worse." "They're causing all that beeping." "Do you know what I mean?" "Someone's trying to get to hospital." "Their gram's dying." "They're in the road." "Get off the [bleep] road." "Spoke to Steve this morning, and he said, "oh, get yourself over to Bethlehem." "See where baby Jesus was born."" "Bit of a problem, though." "I found out it's in Palestine, which, you know, that's another place I've heard nothing but bad news about." "Plus, I've got to get over the massive wall to get to it." "It's just ugly, and it goes on for miles." "I mean, they're not messing about, are they?" "I kind of thought, "I bet there's some way you can sneak under it or over it, but there's no way." "Well, you've got to call London before we go over, mate." "The person you're calling..." "That's good." "The man in charge of making sure I'm safe." "To record your message, key hash at any time." "All right, Richard." "It's Karl." "About to go over the border." "If you don't hear from us in four hours, it's all gone [bleep] up." "I mean, that's Richard." "That sums him up." "He's always on the phone." "So, of all the people to have as our emergency number, you know, calling 999, it's engaged." "Sums him up." "That checkpoint was a bit weird." "I mean, I sort of felt guilty, even though I hadn't done anything." "I've got a Palestinian fellow meeting me called "case."" "Yeah, but I think I'm meeting someone." "Are you Karl?" "Yeah." "Hi." "I'm case." "How are you?" "How was it?" "Depressing." "Honestly, I didn't think it would have that effect on me." "I'm not that sort of person, though, really." "You know, if you're passing here every day, it's not depressing." "If you're waking up every morning and seeing this ugly concrete stuff in front of your eyes, then it's depressing." "Be my guest." "This is my car." "Safe?" "Huh?" "Safe?" "Yeah, of course it's safe." "I have insurance." "Are these for us?" "Yeah." "It's a gift from the holy land." "It makes holy music." "You won't think that when I'm playing it." "See, there's nothing like that at home." "There's nothing like that anywhere on earth." "No." "We have a congestion charge that caused a little bit of fuss." "If you drive into London, you have to pay £8." "Everybody was like, "this is an outrage."" "But it's nothing compared to this." "Honestly." "This is costing the people more than £8, man." "This is costing them their future." "Is it gonna be busy in there?" "Well, check it out." "Did you close your door well?" "Yeah." "Is anyone gonna Nick it?" "I mean, some religious holy people..." "lots of cops, so don't worry." "People who are into religion shouldn't be nicking cars." "So, why are these a big deal?" "Why are we bringing these, eh?" "'Cause the Shepherds." ""And the Shepherds came to the site of birth carrying flutes."" "Watch your head, man." "Anything you need, you can ask us, okay?" "The flute says..." "No, you can't." "The flute says that the Shepherds came to the site of birth carrying flutes." "Whatever." "You cannot use it in inside." "Okay." "You just carry it." "This is where Jesus was born." "Right there." "Right there." "On this rock." "You're allowed to touch it?" "You can touch it." "You can kiss it." "I think that's all you can do with it." "How do they know that?" "It's an oral tradition saying that this is the place." "But does Jesus want us to come here and see where was he born and touch the stones and go crying and blah, blah, blah?" "I don't think so." "I think I'm with you on that." "♪ Little donkey ♪" "I'd say the only time I had religion in me life was playing" ""little donkey" at school, and me mate Wayne, he was catholic, and he said, "oh, do you want to go and do this?"" "And I was like, "piss off."" "And he said, "right." "You just swore." "If you don't come with me to church, I'm gonna tell your mum that you told me to piss off."" "So I had to go with him." "And in the end, I got chucked out for bouncing a tennis ball sort of in the church." "That's about it, but I think I got more of a feeling from that wall than I did from where Jesus was born." "Yet people are going in there, sort of like, "oh." "Oh."" "I want to go over there." "That's where you can have a tear." "It's depressing." "I've been here four days now, and we're only just going to the wonder." "But looking in the guide book, and we passed the dead sea this way." "It would just be nice for me to have a bit of a restful day." "Ricky doesn't even need to know." "Looks quite good." "I'm not a great swimmer." "The good thing with the dead sea is you just float about in it." "There's, like, loads of salt in it." "It's another experience, isn't it?" "It's another one of life's little wonders, a proper wonder, a natural wonder, which is the sort I like, really." "It's not too busy either." "I thought it would be a right tourist trap." "This is all right, this." "Something that I read in a book, this is the lowest place on the world." "I know we don't normally have sort of information on this program... not proper stuff, anyway." "But that's a little bit." "It's the lowest pl..." "You can't get lower than this." "I don't know why." "I don't even know if it's true, but that's what I've read." "So, I might as well give it a go." "Everybody else seems to be doing it." "Whatever I'm doing, I've got to do it quick, because that is so hot." "It's really uneven." "[Bleep] you really do, you know?" "Come on." "I don't even have to, like, do anything." "This is ace." "Karl, what's going on with your belly button, mate?" "What the [bleep] is that?" "Is that a [bleep] end?" "Or was that... was that someone's gobs?" "It looks like someone's..." "[Bleep] it is, as well." "Phone." "Come here." "Hello?" "I'm just in the dead sea." "Yeah, just floating around with someone's gobs." "Oh." "There's old people in here just clearing the throats and that." "I just had some in me belly button." "That's what's floating above." "[Bleep] knows what's floating under me." "Maybe that's why I'm floating around." "90% [bleep]" "90%." "It is nice, though." "It's good, this." "I've been doing work for four days." "This is an experience, still." "It's good for the program." "I'm explaining to people how it's loads of salt in it." "You float about." "It's good for your skin." "This is the truth." "He sounded a bit pissed off that I was having a rest, didn't he?" "Oh, yeah." "Passport." "Where am I going?" "Petra." "Petra?" "Yeah." "Go?" "I can go?" "Yeah, it's good to be in Jordan, but we could have been here days ago, couldn't we?" "Petra's only down the road." "We could drive there, but Ricky's come up with this idea that, you know, I meet a local bloke called Mohammed who's got a camel." "You know, how long's that gonna take?" "My friend." "Hello." "We need to cross this road." "How many hours?" "How many hours that way?" "At least 48 hours, two days, full days with the camels." "Hold here." "Would you like some music?" "What kind of music do you have?" "It's just music." "No singing." "When I'm a little bit stressed, it calms me." "Does a lady sing?" "There is no singing." "It's just a man on a clarinet." "Ah." "It is nice, isn't it?" "Very nice." "Very nice." "You teach me English song, I'll teach you Bedouin song." "How is it, my friend?" "Good, yeah." "How is your ass, now?" "[Bleep] now." "Look, you can see up here." "It's going on for miles." "It just doesn't make sense, does it?" "Why do people live in the middle of nowhere when you've got to travel that sort of distance to get to somewhere?" "'Cause he was saying some people have to do that once a week, to nip to the shops, and they get a big order and then carry it all the way back." "Move then." "Move closer to the shop or open a shop." "What's it like where we're staying tonight?" "Maybe we find Bedouin tents." "Maybe we alone in the desert with the sand dunes." "Sometimes the Bedouins, they move." "I don't know." "You must have a plan." "This is desert." "We don't know what the desert keeps for us." "We'll see." "This camel's knackered." "Keeps stopping every 10 minutes." "I could be a good camel." "It's just sort of moaning, isn't it?" "***" "We're gonna carry it now by the car." "By the van." "Yeah." "That was a little weird, though." "It was like a breakdown, a proper breakdown in the desert." "They turned up." "Stick it on the back." "You know, it's knackered." "It's gonna cost you." "But to be honest, it's a bit of luck, that." "'Cause I've had enough." "I'm to here with this." "Camels have been around for years, the ships of e desert." "That's what they're known as." "We've ended up with Titanic." "As long there's not a major gale, I'm sure it will be all right." "He's got 14 kids." "So, you know, me staying's hardly an issue, is it?" "Do you see how the camels stand up?" "Jump." "You just strap the bag to its head." "Get in there." "Let's get this done, get the day done, get to bed." "These are all his sons." "Yeah." "All his sons." "But I'm not allowed to see the mother?" "No." "At all?" "Not even to say "hello." "Thanks for having us"?" "No." "Forbidden." "No way." "That's why the..." "What if by accident?" "That's why the house, it's covered." "Say if I go to the toilet and knock." ""I'm in here."" "She comes out, I see her." "That's not her fault." "That's my fault." "So what happens then?" "This is bad mistake." "That's fine." "Okay." "Mr. Mohammed said they don't get many guests here, so they're polite." "There's a big pot or something in there." "That looked like some sort of milk." "I'm not seeing any cows, so I don't know where it's come from." "I'm not fond of milk anyway." "It's not being rude." "It's just I don't want to eat it." "I don't want to get ill." "I'm surprised they don't want me to get ill, 'cause we're all sharing that little toilet." "I'm in the middle of nowhere, honest to God." "It's moon-like." "Eight hours on the camel." "Well, I tell you, it's not funny." "I mean, I reckon I've done some damage." "It was long, and it was hot." "Yeah." "Well, it's just..." "That's what I'm saying, though." "There's nothing to look at." "It's not like it's worth doing so many hours." "After half an hour, you've seen it." "Hang on a minute." "Something has just [bleep] run up me leg." "Can I call you tomorrow?" "See you later." "What the [bleep] was that?" "See you." "Can we just eat and go to bed?" "I didn't look for this." "Don't put too much of that on my bit." "I can't..." "I can't have too much of that." "That's the tongue." "The what?" "The tongue... tongue of the goat." "You have it." "No." "Why?" "Come on." "Oh, thank you." "Eat more." "It's meat from the goat." "What is it, though?" "That's not meat." "This is the eye." "I can't eat eye." "I'll tell you now." "I got a very bad gag reflex." "Now, if I eat that and I start gagging, that doesn't look good either." "They'll think I'm rude." "This is a weird night out, isn't it?" "What time do we normally go to sleep?" "Tonight we have a guest." "So what does that mean?" "He couldn't go to sleep early." "He can, honestly." "I'm so tired." "I'm shattered." "I just want me bed." "But you know," "What can you do?" "I'm with a family who doesn't understand me." "I don't understand them." "They're cooking food I don't like." "It's been hard work today, hasn't it?" "Are we actually gonna get to Petra tomorrow or what?" "I just want to see the wonder today, Petra." "That's what I'm here for." "I'm not in any mood for messing about." "I didn't sleep that well last night." "I had a rough day yesterday, 10 hours on the back of a camel in roasting heat." "I've just spoke to Mohammed." "He said we're not a quarter of the way there yet." "I mean, does he think I'm gonna be getting on a camel again?" "How are we gonna get there?" "We could have drove on this brilliantly yesterday, but we were on a camel instead." "We can now drive." "We didn't have a car, my friend." "We have camels." "Yeah, but they broke down yesterday." "Why can't we just get in that one?" "No, we have to ride a camel." "We don't have to." "I don't need to get on a camel again." "But we aren't half the way down." "The program's an hour long." "We've done eight hours of filming on a camel." "You do the math." "I'm not going on a [bleep] camel again." "I swear to God." "We've talked about this." "I'm bored of arguing with you." "If you're not listening, I'm not listening." "I'm not going on a camel again." "Come on." "I'm not going on a camel again." "Why?" "I'm not going on a camel again." "Why?" "I'm not going on a camel again." "I'm not going on a camel." "I'm not going on a camel again." "Okay." "We could go with this car." "So, how long will it be by car?" "A couple of hours." "I'm just sick of camels." "I mean, you've got to prefer this, haven't you?" "So much nicer." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I'll be in a good mood, then, when we see Petra, and I'll go," ""oh, wow." "Amazing."" "So, we're in now." "This is the start of it, is it?" "We are now in the beginning of the city of Petra." "Okay, my friend." "I have to leave you now." "Nice to meet you, Karl." "I'll see you again, yeah?" "See you again, again." "Please key in the commentary number." "One." "Welcome to Petra, a city half as old as time." "The word "Petra" is Latin for "rock."" "The city dates back to 300 b." "C., when it was known as..." "He just said, "welcome to Petra." """ "He said, "'Petra' is Latin for... "" "I've forgot now." "This is the problem with this." "It is too much to take in." "I mean, I didn't come here for a Latin lesson." "I just want to know where the wonder is, and let's have a look at it." "10." "You are now face to face with one of the ancient world wonders and the most famous monument in Petra." "The word in Arabic means "treasury."" "You may recognize the facade." "It is the site where the movie "Indiana Jones and the last crusade," among others, was filmed." "Hang on a sec." "Hang on." "Hello?" "I'm just standing in front of the wonder." "That was a waste of time last night, staying with the Bedouins." "He gave me lamb's eyes to eat." "I slept on a floor all night, so I feel like [bleep]" "That's how I'm feeling." "I mean, it looks all right." "I'm sure if I was in a better mood, I'm big it up." "I'm basically in the middle of a load of rock, and someone's carved it out, and it is amazing." "But I don't know what more there is to say than that." "What for?" "What?" "Steve?" "It's Karl." "I've just spoke to Ricky." "He said, "oh, you're staying in a cave tonight."" "Well, what is that about?" "'Cause I don't think he's taking this serious." "Yeah, but I didn't..." "No, but I didn't literally mean that's what I'd like." "I mean, this is an all-time low, I reckon, of me life." "You've barely mentioned the wonder, Karl." "Well, I'm not thinking about it, am I?" "How can I stand there and go, "oh, what a beautiful bit of work," when in the back of me head, you're going, "Karl, you're living in a cave tonight"?" "I can't focus on that." "Oh, God." "Steve said I got to find a fellow called Abraham." "He's gonna let me stay in his cave." "It's been a long day." "How are you?" "How are you doing?" "So, what do you put down..." "What do you put down as an address?" "Jordan, Petra." "That's all." "That's never gonna get to you." "And the postman would know?" "Yeah, yeah." "He knows it." "And everything you order always gets to your house?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "The cave." "I can't believe that." "'Cause I order stuff and get it delivered." "Sometimes it doesn't turn up, and I've got a post code." "That's amazed me more than the wonder." "That." "That you can get post delivered." "I can't believe that." "What facilities are in the cave?" "We've got the mattress." "We make the fire and sleep wherever, between the sky and the land." "Not like the city." "Ricky calls and says, "you're staying in a cave," starts laughing." "And I pictured the sort of caves you get in wales, where it's all sharp, sharp edges, really damp, and the sea comes in at some point in the night." "I get here, decent size." "They're warm, they're cozy." "Nice touch with the candles." "I tell you, I've seen houses that are worse than this." "I think I can sort of fit into this way of life." "It is like a holiday every day." "Nice little holiday home." "Eating like this." "I'm gonna drink." "Soothes me down to the ground, this." "Ricky always says I'm a bit, like, you know, a caveman, and" "I haven't really evolved." "He says the shape of me head and the way me eyebrows come out a bit." "Maybe that's it." "Maybe I was born a bit late." "That's nice." "See, we haven't all evolved, have we?" "It's just a few of us." "I haven't got a clue half the time." "I turn the tap on still, and I go, "how is water coming out of that?"" "I'm lucky 'cause I'm around 'cause someone else has come up with that." "But at the end of the day, if stuff was left down to me, I'd still be living in here." "If I was lucky, you know, I don't know if I could come up with this." "He just was saying how they used to do it." "He said they put a hole in the rock, stick, like, a tree trunk in it, put water in, and the wood expands." "Is that what you were saying?" "Makes the hole bigger." "There's no way I'd come up with that." "I wouldn't come up with that now." "And yet they did that 3,500 years ago." "Slept all right once I got off, really." "There's a cat mooching about now and again, wandering." "That's the problem when you haven't got a front door, isn't it?" "That was a good night." "Best night since I've been here." "Yeah." "I'd do it again, you know." "Being in this part of the world, there's not many things that have happened that I'd say, "I'd do that again," but that, I would." "So, yeah, I loved it." "Really, really smart." "I can imagine living at this time." "I can picture meself just coming out of a little hole just with a club and thinking, "what am I gonna do today?"" "And it's easy to invent stuff back then, 'cause there was nothing else about." "So, anything you needed, you'd come up with it." "I want to dry me hands." "I've just washed me hands through a towel." "Everything." "Anything you think of." "This soup's hard to eat." "I want a spoon." "Do you know what I mean?" "You think of something now." "You try and come up with something now that you need now." "Came up with a see-through toaster." "You know, 'cause you always do that, thinking, "is it done yet?"" "And you have to keep pressing the spring, and you end up breaking it 'cause you force the spring open." "See-through toaster." "Went online, typed it in." "It's already been invented." "Dragon's den back then would have been a piece of piss." "Everybody who came in, that's a bloody good idea." "Get it made." "30, Ad Deir, the monastery." "Sitting at the summit of Jabal Ad Deir is Petra's grandest monument of all, Ad Deir." "The name is the Arabic word for "monastery."" "Do take advantage of this moment, and immerse yourself in the magnificence and mysticism of this historic place." "Yeah." "I can't even go in it." "That's ridiculous." "I mean, that's useless." "Who's put them there?" "I mean, look." "The point is, you sat in there, and that's your view over there." "If you look here, point proven." "You're better off living in the hole, looking at the palace than living in the palace looking at the hole, aren't you?" "So Ricky and Steve can say I'm a nob." "I think that's my point proven, isn't it?" "But I wasn't just talking about buildings." "I mean, in life, even being a good-looking person or an ugly one, in a way, you're better off being the ugly one, and you get to look at nice things." "You're looking at the nicer-looking people." "Doesn't matter about being ugly." "How often do you look at yourself anyway?" "Same thing." "Be the ugly one." "Look at the nice one." "What's that?" "Who owns that?" "Why is a dog so high up?" "It's not gonna show up that dog, is it?" "Oh, fuck me." "Jesus."