"Previous on Boston Legal." "I think you remember Reverend Dumdum." "The reverend is also a lawyer." "I've decided to let him handle my divorce." " Instead of the ex-husband, we go after the reverend." " The reverend?" "Three sexual harassment complaints." "The man has a certain weakness." "Did you commit this act because he was evil or because you are?" "Because he was." "I want Alan Shore." "I'd like to know how a United States congressman could be held liable... for an official act of congressional business for which he enjoys immunity." "You can be held liable because you've been sued under traditional state tort law... for which you enjoy no immunity." "I want Denny Crane." "Uh, you _'t want Denny Crane." "Denise is one of our top" "I'm entitled to the top." "Is there a reason I'm not getting Denny?" "Denny" " Denny has, uh" "Mad cow disease." "I just saw him on television in Kelly Nolan's murder trial." "He was at the defense table for effect, Raymond." "He's not capable of any complex litigation." "I knew you were there, Denny." "Did you?" "Raymond Jacobs." "You handled my first divorce 15 years ago." " My wife's name was Lois?" " I remember." " Why wouldn't you?" "You slept with her." " After the divorce was final." " May I ask, how do you feel about gun control?" " For Communists." "What about banning assault weapons in the private sector?" "As soon as you say it's okay to ban assault weapons, even in the private sector... you make it easier to take guns away from hunting, then personal protection." "Soon the military and the police are without firearms." "By banning assault weapons in the private sector... the military and the police would lose their guns?" "And their dominoes." "It's a whole theory." "She's a liberal." "Can't even hunt." " You set?" " Set?" "You sure you don't need a second chair?" "This is a murder trial." "I want Catherine to be the underdog." "An army of lawyers would subvert that." " You okay?" " Tara quit." "What do you mean, she quit?" "She's gone." " She quit the firm?" " She quit me actually." "But she's left the firm as well." "Alan, do you have the necessary focus to tee this case?" "I do." "The coroner's report showed he'd been struck twice behind the head... the second blow being fatal." " And was there any sign of struggle, Detective?" " No." "Any evidence to suggest that the victim had made any threatening movement toward the defendant?" " No." " And in the statement made to you byte defendant... did she say the victim was threatening her?" "But she did not say that she was in any imminent danger at the time she hit him." " Thank you, sir." "Your witness." " I have nothing." "It appears your exhaustive testimony covered everything and you left nothing out." "Is that correct, Detective?" " Pretty much." " Pretty much." "Thank you, Detective, for your fine commitment to detail." "Okay." "The witness may step down." "Actually, one thing you pretty much left out." "No harm." "We can cover it now." "Mr. ferried had previously killed two people." "He whacked both his mother and a neighbor." " Allegedly." " Allegedly." "Isn't it pretty much the opinion of the Boston Police Department... that he committed these murders?" " Yes." " Thank you." "I'm sure you "pretty much" meant to include that in your testimony but forgot." "Oh!" "Mrs. Piper came to you a week before..." "Mr. Ferro was killed, didn't she?" " She did." " Told you she feared Mr. ferried would kill again." " Yes." " Relayed to you Bernard's comments... about how the next time he'd be sure to leave little clues like the B. T. K. killer." " She tell you that, Detective?" " Yes." "And after she told you all this, you did what, Detective?" " I told her there wasn't enough to make an arrest." " You sent her away." "Tell me, Detective." "Have you considered if you'd heeded Catherine Piper's warnings..." "Bernard Ferro might still be alive?" " Objection." " Withdrawn." "Moving forward a bit to Bernard Fermions' demise." "So you found him dead, conducted a Sherlock Holmes an investigation... which led at last to Catherine Piper's doorstep?" "No." "She came to us." " Oh, she came to you!" " Yes." "Well, you certainly left that out, didn't you?" " She didn't come forth for a full week." " Maybe Catherine hesitated... because she feared being arrested." "Yet, her conscience and sense of morality... eventually overcame her fear, which, of course, the jury would know..." " if you'd lived up to your oath to tell the whole truth." " Objection." " Mr. Shore." " What?" "What did I say?" "I paid $2, OOO to his campaign personally." "And I contributed another two million to the Democratic National Party... on the assumption that this congressman... if reelected, would support gun control." "Well, certainly, Mr. Naught on, you realize that you cannot buy votes on Capitol Hill." "Please." "There was never any quid pro quo on any specific vote." "But, sir, in your complaint, you cite his failure... to support the ban on assault weapons." "The fraud was perpetrated on me during his reelection campaign." "The two of us got together for dinner, we shook hands... he looked me in the eye, and he told me that he would champion- not support but champion- the renewal of the ban against assault weapons." "Then he goes off to Washington and the ban just lapses." "Doesn't even get brought up for a vote." "And, sir, the fact that this ban was not renewed... how has it hurt you personally?" "On January 2, my nephew was buying milk in a convenience store." "Two men came in to rob the store bearing AK-47s." "Gunfire ensued." "My nephew was killed." "I am vey sorry for your loss, sir." "Are you suggesting that because you contributed money to this congressman..." " that you bought his vote?" " There was no vote." "Instead, Congress just let the ban lapse without so much as a discussion." "Didn't it lapse in part because the legislators in favor of the ban... realized the votes just weren't there?" "When you secure a contribution based on a policy... you have no intention of honoring, that's flat-out fraud." "My point is Congressman Jacobs couldn't have gotten the ban renewed." "Tom DeLay had dismissed it as simply..." ""a piece of feel-good legislation that had no chance of passing. "" "I didn't get a commitment from Tom DeLay." "I did from him." " Oh, my God!" " Not quite." "What are you doing here?" "Your behavior saddened me, Sara." "It left me bereft." "Bereft?" "Let's not get carried away, Reverend." " You desecrated my collar." " How?" "You smelled it in a sexual manner." "You rubbed it lasciviously against your face." " I'm reporting you." " To whom?" "Your superiors, perhaps the bar." "And-And what happens to you if your behavior becomes public?" "I've considered that." "I must atone as well." "We must both go public with our sins and atone." "R" " Reverend, I-I'm sorry." "I was only trying to help a client I felt was being taken advantage of." "I'm really sorry." "I'd really appreciate you not... telling." "On one condition." "Go into the women's room... remove your panties, and give them to me." " I beg your pardon?" " You sniffed my personals." "I should like a whiff of yours." "First of all, I smelled your collar, not your shorts." "Give me your underwear, or I'm going to atone." "I first met him as a recovering murderer." "He'd killed his mother and neighbor." "Had he admitted these crimes to you?" "Oh, yes." "Many times." "Catherine, may I ask, why would you seek to befriend this man?" "Well, I felt at his core he wasn't evil." "I also thought I could help him by introducing him to Jesus Christ, our Savior." " Was he open to that?" " Not terribly." "He thought it would make him look like a bad Jew." "So what happened?" "Well, we were in the kitchen... watching the telecast about the Kelly Nolan trial." "He was talking about leaving hints the next time." "Saying how he enjoyed the taste of killing." "My mind started swirling." "I" " I was thinking I'd gone to the police." "They said they couldn't help." "There was no place for me to turn." "If ran away, that was a betrayal he said he couldn't tolerate." "I looked down at my hands... saw I was holding the skillet... the weapon he'd used to commit murder." "And I suddenly thought this was my only way out." "So just swung... twice." "And he dropped." "Catherine, you took a human life." "Killing his mother was strike one." "Killing his neighbor was strike two." "And the way he talked..." "Bernie had a third strike coming." "I heard about Tara." "I feel your hurt." "What's most upsetting, Denny, is I don't hurt." "So I don't have to hug you and tell you I'm there for you and all that crap?" "Ash!" "We can skip it." "How's your trial going?" "Mom, I'm there as a prop." "Shirley not giving you enough to do?" "Oh, Alan, it's a dream case." "To be able to actually defend a congressman who opposes the ban on assault weapons?" "It's what any lawyer lives for." "I'm going to show you something." "Geez, Denny." "Oh." "This one my father gave me." "Lovely." "Could you kindly point it in any direction other than my head?" "It's not loaded." "I guess it is." " For God's sake, Denny!" " Oh, lighten up, will yak?" "What in God's name" "And it is in God's name, Shirley." "The right to bear arms- Second Commandment." " That would be the Second Amendment." " That's the same difference." "I should be first chairing this case." "If anybody should be the poster boy for guns in this county" "It should bayou." "Denny, Congressman Jacobs is for the assault weapon ban." "Did you know that?" "What do you mean he's for the- the ban?" "He let it lapse because sometimes in politics there are politics." "But, in principle, he's for the ban." "But if he supports a law, and then agrees to let it lapse... then that would make him" "A Democrat." "You're giving representation to a Democrat." "With all the rain, the Charles has spilled into the sewage systems." "It isn't exactly Nimmo Bay." "Word is they're catching some on Commonwealth." "I think I'm going to retire, Alan." "What's going on?" "I don't know." "I think it's a sign when the practice of law... is less rewarding than, uh" "Fishing in a sewer?" "I feel devalued." "I always wanted to go out with my pride." "Failing that, at least my old time slot." "I wish..." "I was never great." "Because?" "Because..." "I remember." "When God strips you of your talent... he should at least have the decency to strip away the memory of having had it." " What do you mean, he wants your underwear?" " I mean, he wants my underwear!" " Is he still here?" " No." "He asked me to think on it, pray on it, and he'll be back in the morning." "Okay, relax." "Okay." " You've got to give him your underwear." " What?" " Otherwise we'll be fired." " I'm not going to give him my underwear!" "Are you crazy?" "The guy is obviously sick!" "Which is why we need to be afraid here!" "If we can't count on him to be rational enough to save his own career..." " just give him your underwear." " That's not even an option, Garrett." "First, because I would never do it, and second, because" " Sara, what if he reports us?" " I'm not wearing any." "We'll be fired and" " You're not wearing any?" " Garrett!" " What" " This is your doing!" "I'm making it your problem." "You go deal with the sick." "The skillet was in your hand." " Could you hold it, please?" " Objection!" "I would like her to demonstrate how she struck Mr. Ferro." "Your Honor, this is meant to inflame the jury." " There is simply no reason" " She already described it." "The prejudicial value oaf demonstration in a case like this" "The prosecution's petrified that my client comes off as sympathetic." "She wants her to reenact the crime to negate that sympathy." "It has no probative value." "It's a stunt and a cheap one." " I'm going to allow it." " What?" "Cheju can see how it happened." "She testified as to how it happened." "I've made my ruling." "Step back." "Step back, counsel." "Would you show us your movements, Mrs. Piper?" "I" "I" " I was at the sink, facing this way." "And he was going on about the taste of killing." "And that's when my mind started to swirl at the thought..." ""My God, he'll kill again." "He might kill me. "" "I looked at the skillet, and suddenly this could be my way out." "And I wheeled" " A plea?" " Did you have to hit it so hard?" "I was under oath." "I don't like the sound of that." "Catherine, I'm not sure I can win this." " You promised." " I promised I'd tee." "Well, that's all I'm asking you for." "I mean, just keep tying." "Please." "She really left?" " I'm sorry?" " Tara." "She's gone?" "Ah." "Evidently." "I'm sorry." "Not to worry." "Look, if had the power to move the bill for a vote, I would have." "In fairness, did you tee to move the bill for a vote?" "No." "Okay." "Why not?" "Quite honestly, because I was up for reelection." "Filed been active about renewing the ban on assault weapons... the N. R. A. would've opposed me, run smear campaigns against me... and I'd be sitting here today as an ex-congressman." "You caved." "t cannot serve my constituents film not in once." "Like any elected comical, I have to pick my battles." "And political survival has to be a consideration." "You told my client you'd support the ban." "At the time, I fully planned to." "Then in September, three lobbyists from the N. R. A. walked in mime... informed me they'd contribute heavily to my opponent's campaign." "Informed me they'd finance negative ads against me." "My advisers told me they'd be successful." "So I would have lost my seat supporting a bill that had no chance of passing." "Does that seem practical to you?" "Sticking to one's principles always struck me as being practical." "Look, the ban on assault weapons" "The Democrats are for it." "The Republicans are for it." "The police are for it." "Eighty percent of the public is for it, and we don't have it." "That should tell you how powerful the gun lobby is." "So you ran scared." " That was horrible testimony." " All right, Denny." "What was the strategy there?" "Can somebody please explain it to me?" "The strategy was there was nothing our client could really do to renew the ban." "He's therefore not the proximate cause of the playtimes injury." "But that's defensive." "Why be defensive when justice is on our side?" " Justice being?" " Guns!" "There are more guns in American households than pets, for God sakes." "More guns than cell phones." "Guns are hot." " It's not that simple, Denny." " What's simple is this." "You don't get on the stand and say, "I'm sorry for not doing the right thing. "" "You testy_, "I did the right thing. "" "That's how you win lawsuits." "You're right even when you're wrong." "All right, the panties are in the envelope." "But before I give them to you, we're going to set a few conditions of our own." "Let me see." "The panties, let me see that they're really in there." "Let me have a sample sniff to assure the authenticity." "I'm not going to let you smell them now." "Those are new." "She never wore them." "Your law career is over, Mr. Wells." "All right, look." "Let's tee another approach." "I will beat you up." "You think I'm kidding?" "I will smack you around, Reverend." "And what makes you think I wouldn't enjoy that?" "I'll be back this afternoon." "If my terms are not met..." "I will go to your superiors." "Awfully tiny cigar." "It's the kind of cigar that goes along with our wimpy defense today." "Denise and I were discussing it." "We think you're right." "We think maybe- maybe our approach should be... guns are good." "But of course they are." "The thing is I don't really believe it, Denny." "Nor does Denise." "And juries can always tell when lawyers are being disingenuous." "We need you to close." "Me?" "Hmm." "Thing is, Shirley, I don't really do that." "I'm more about effect." "This is a big client who's responsible... for awarding this firm many government contracts." "We need you to pull this out." "The-The thing about closing, Shirley is" "Too many words." "I" " I-I can't remember the" "Mad cow." "You don't have to remember words, Denny." "This is about assault weapons." "Just speak from your heart." "This is about what's dear." "Now what are you doing?" "Shirley asked me to close." "I need more time to prepare." "I really" "I can't just" " So I'm copying yours." " What do you mean, you're copying mine?" "Your closing." "It's good stuff." "Do you write it?" " You can't just copy my closing." " Why not?" "We're on the same team." "Don't be such a girl." " Denny, we have completely different cases." " So what?" "It's not like the jury really listens." "Are you out of your mind?" "What's the matter?" "I'm afraid." "Afraid of what?" "Hey." " You're Denny Crane." " No, I'm not." "That's somebody I used to be." "Can you believe the irony?" "All I ever really wanted to do was to rise up one day... and deliver the big summation on behalf of..." " uh" " Amgun." "And now the day finally comes... and I'm afraid." "The day will be here tomorrow, my friend." "And you won't be afraid." "You know why?" "You're still Denny Crane." "This I know." "tam not suggesting you give him your underwear." " Yes, you are, Garrett." " I'm not." "I'm saying put these on and, uh" " You're as sick as he is!" " If this guy reveals what" " Where is he?" " Waiting in the lobby." " Reverend." " Sara." "You're not getting any of my apparel, Reverend." "If you want to tell my superiors about our little sting, then do it... knowing the consequences will be far worse for you than for me." "One sniff." "Right here." "I'll walk away." "One more slap, we can call the whole matter settled." "Sweet." "There was no self-defense or defense of others here." "I'm not going to waste time telling you something you already know." "The defendant simply made a decision, a reflective one... that Bernard Ferro should no longer be among the living." "Two whacks to the back of the head." "Whether Catherine Piper was playing at executioner or God... she committed murder." "Law and order isn't simply something found on television four nights a week." "Our integrity as a people is inextricably bound up with the idea... that we are a nation of laws." "You, adjurors, took an oath to uphold the law." "In a time when we, as Americans... are increasingly labeled as a "might makes right" society..." "I sincerely hope... for our legacy as a moral society... you choose to honor that oath." "I certainly hope you're good." "In 2003... we had 16,500 murders in this county." "6,200 went unsolved." "On another4, OOO, we made arrests." "The defendants eventually went free." "We don't catch killers in this county." "Since 1960, 200, OOO murders have gone unsolved." "Forget about the ones where we just failed to convict, for 200, OOO we were baffled." "Ask me, we could use a few more vigilantes." "Now you swing that skillet at your own risk, I grant you." "Kill an innocent person, off to prison you should go." "But Catherine Piper didn't do that." "Catherine Piper tried law and order." "She was scared for her life." "She did fear for the safety of others." "And in the heat of that fear, she swung that skillet... accomplishing in the process something the police couldn't." "She got the bad guy." "Now I certainly don't want... a society where people start arbitrarily taking the law into their own hands." "I know you don't." "But society certainly isn't safeguarded... nor is it remotely benefited by putting Catherine Piper in prison." "Unlike the district attorney, I don't think we're a county... inextricably bound up with law and order... or some national integrity." "I like to think we're a people... mostly about humanity." "And humanity isn't about... the right to trumpet moral superiority." "Humanity... is about compassion." "Even forgiveness." "Catherine Piper, in all her fear... reacted in a very human way." "She's here now asking you to do the same." "I thought you'd be better." " Where the hell is he?" " I don't know." " The last time we spoke, he seemed" " He's supposed to be closing." " I'll call him on his cell phone, but, Shirley" " The other side has started." "You may have to do this yourself." "Denny's feet seemed a little frozen." "Oh, my God." " Denny's missing." " I heard." "How long does ahoy deliberate?" " There's no rule." " But it could be today?" "The judge said he'll keep them till 1 O:" "OO tonight." "Alan, whatever happens, thank you." "I mean that." "Beretta said that to his attorney." "Brought him luck." "Like Congressman Jacobs says... everybody wants the ban on assault weapons- the Democrats the Republicans, the police." "Seventy-eight percent of the public." "And yet we don't have it." "Why?" "The Senate majority leader has said, and I quote..." ""The will of the American people is consistent with letting it expire. "" "Is that consistent with your will?" "With yours?" "What the hell is going on here?" "The N. R. A. has them all terrified." "How powerful is this lobby?" "Senator Kerry, in his bid to get elected president... was advised that he had to go out and shoot an animal." "And to be photographed doing so." "He's a windsurfer, for God's sake!" "Well, enough is enough." "It is time to start holding Congress accountable." "30, OOO deaths by firearms eve year in this county... and we can't ban assault weapons?" "People need them for personal protection?" "To hunt?" "And now we actually have legislation pending in Washington... that will literally shield the gun manufacturers... from being sued, even for negligence." "We can sue doctors big tobacco, asbestos'." "But the gun industry gets its own special legislation... granting them immunity." "What the hell is going on?" "Where are our elected uncials?" "This one vowed to fight the gun industry." "Took campaign contributions on the promise that he would." "And what did Alex Naught on get in return?" "His 16-year-old nephew... while buying a quart of milk... was mowed down... by two AK-47s." " You want to take it?" " It's all yours." "Denny Crane!" "Mr. Crane, we do not allow firearms in the courtroom!" "Oh, it's just a prop, Judge." "that's not- loaded." "Apologies." "It was the shot heard round the world, remember?" "Not the punch, not the stabbing." "I t was a shot that rallied the Minutemen... to defeat the Redcoats at Lexington." "This nation began with a gun." "It will go down with a gun." "Or maybe, if we have them... won't go down at all." "Let me tell you about assault weapons." "The F. B. I. now reports... that the terrorists are coming to America to get them... because it's easier to procure them here." "Now I ask you, how can we supply terrorists with AK-47s... and not give them to our own people?" "That may sound crazy, but part of being an American in the Wild West was we came armed." " It's in the bill of sale, for God sakes." " Bill of Rights." "In our National Anthem, we've got bombs bursting in air, for God sakes." "We drive around with our shotguns on the outside of the pickups... so our neighbors will see 'em." "And" " Nobody talks about this out loud of course- but things might have turned out differently for the nephew of the plaintiff... if he had had his own automatic weapon." "First sound of democracy came from a gun like this one." "And that's why... the ban on assault weapons has been allowed to lapse." "It's all about our basic civil rights." "It's about democracy." "It's about freedom!" "Denny Crane." "Mr. Foreman, has the jury reached a verdict?" " We have, Your Honor." " How say you?" "In the matter of the Common wealth of Massachusetts versus Catherine Piper... on the charge of murder in the first degree... we, the jury, find the defendant" " Is it so much to remember?" " Shah." " not guilty." " Ladies and gentlemen of the jury..." " thank you for your service." " Oh, thank God." " Amen." " You are dismissed." "I think" " I think- I think I might actually cry." "I know I would've, had it been "guilty. "" "Mrs. Piper, you are free to go." "Court is adjourned." " Congratulations, Catherine." " Thank you." "You know, in all the time I've known you, Alan..." "I don't think I've ever hugged you." " We need to fix that." " Oh!" "Oh." " Was it thrilling?" " It actually was." "With all the battles we fight... we don't often get to wage them on behalf of people we genuinely care about." "And you, to be able to walk into court dressed as the mascot for the New England Patriots." " Super Bowl Champion Patriots." " Yes." "Alan, I was good in there." "I can't be sure... but in the middle, I think I actually felt smoke coming out of my ass." " I have no doubt." " Boys." " Any word?" " Cheju's still out... which is a miracle." "Denny, your-your closing was nothing short of unbelievable." "Thank you." "We might actually have a chance of winning this, although-Well, you heard me say miracle." "I" " I just wanted to say that... you intermittently made sense in there and" "You'll have sex with me?" "Come on." "At least pet the musket." "I have a dinner." "But because you've been so good" "Denny Crane." "A quickie." " Nothing for my musket?" " Another time." "Mom." "Alan, you were right." "I still am Denny Crane." "I've still got it." "And I've decided for my New Year's resolution, I'm going to remember that." "What's your resolution?" "It's October." "And that's a watch." "October's not too late to make a resolution." "You don't have any." "Mine would be to appreciate my friends every single day." "And catch more fish." "Speaking of which, the rumor appears to be true." "They're catching them on Commonwealth." " Then what the hell are we doing on this balcony?" " Indeed." " Cheers, Denny." " Cheers, my friend." "You stinker!"