"Male announcer:" "And now, nickelodeon and dreamworks'" "Monsters vs. Aliens." " ¶ mva ¶" "¶ mva ¶" " ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶" "¶ it's us vs. Them" "¶ foe vs. Friend" "¶ brain vs. B.O.B." " ¶ it's a super-freaky job" " Oh, yeah, it's freaky." " ¶ mva ¶" " ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶" " [cackles] - ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶" "¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶" "¶ mva ¶" " 17 sightings in one month." "Seems we've got us an unidentified alien" "In the pacific northwest," "And I want answers." " The letter "h."" "Thomas alva edison." " Answers to the alien problem, b.O.B." " Don't worry, general." "Team monster is ready to kick alien butt," "And we're happy to start with this one." " [scoffs] good luck finding my buttock." "You think it's here," "But in alien anatomy, who knows?" "Maybe it's on my foot." "[chuckles]" " Knew it!" " [teasing]" " Ew!" "Get your foot-butt out of my face, coverton." " Stand down, both of you!" "Coverton's our insider." "He can smooth over first contact" "With the extraterrestrial" "And/or annihilate it." "Either way, I'm good." " I always thought that was his butt." " 'tis not!" "[squirrels chattering]" " Okay, guys, mission is a go." "Link, you're on point." "If you see anything, give the signal." " Signal." "[high-pitched whirring]" " Okay, what do we got?" " It's small, fast," "And it appears to be stalking us." "Yes, definitely stalking us." " Heads up." "I just laid a candy trail" "To lure the sucker out in the open." "Then we can-- - [screams excitedly]" "Guys, I found wild candy!" "[munching loudly]" "Oh, this is so much better when it's free-range." "[munching loudly] [high-pitched whirring]" " Soldiers, set your attitudes to gluteus kickiness." "[shouts]" " What a professional abduction!" "Big fan of your work!" " It's getting away!" " Let me go!" "That is an order!" "I will" " We're losing ground." " I did mention it was fast." " B.O.B., slingshot express." " On it." " Who's going in?" "Eeny, meeny, miny, coverton!" " [grumbling] [screams]" "Crash!" " Hello, first contact." " [groaning]" " Where is the alien?" " Is it invisible?" "[shouting]" "You can't dodge forever, camouflalien." "[shouts]" " Underneath." " Okay, no matter what comes out from under there," "We go fast, we go strong, we go big." "[high-pitched whirring]" " Please step with caution." "I am very small and damageable." "All:" "Aw." " You're not gonna hurt anyone, are you," "You adorable little cutie?" "[giggles] do you have a name?" " I am called sqweep." "All:" "Aw." " Sqweep." "Oh, it's just fun to say." "Sqweep." "Hi." "[babbling]" " May I remind you monsters" "That this cutie, sqweep," "Has your commanding officer dressed up" "Like a merry christmas goose?" " Apologies if my energy ropes discomforted you." "I merely did not wish to have my gluteus kicked," "As per your order." " How dare you, sir?" " Today you are the monster." "Which means I am the general." "[as monger] you are all dismissed!" "[as self] we're dismissed?" "I'm gonna hunt more candy." "[chuckles]" " Fine." "I promise not to hurt the kid." "[device beeps]" " Oh, please." "One cute face, and you all drop your guard?" "The child could be the vanguard of a global invasion." "I demand you surrender all of your conquest plans" "Complete with any breakthroughs in human enslavement." "Come." "Come." "Hand them to coverton." "[cackles]" " But my mission is peaceful." " Boring." " I'm on an earth studies field trip." " Field trip?" "Like school?" " Precisely." "I'm researching a report" "On this planet's dominant species." " A researcher!" "How darling!" "Does dr." "Cockroach need to help" "With all the tricky-wicky data analysis?" " Unnecessary." "The finished report is already loaded" "Onto this information pod." "All that remains is to transmit it" "From the communication console on my ship." " Aww, even the ship is cute!" " I made a very thorough study." "Strengths, weaknesses," "Vulnerabilities," "Population centers," "A complete breakdown of government" "And military units," "And how to defeat them." " If that kid's report fell into the wrong hands," "Tentacles, or crab-like pincers," "It would be the groundwork for an invasion!" " Yes, I suppose that is true." " Sorry, but the general's right." "We can't let you transmit that." "It's too dangerous for the earth." " I am also sorry," "But this report is 1/3 of my earth studies grade." "Any risk to my perfect grade point average" "Will be countered most severely." " [laughs] what you got there, kid?" "Bug spray?" " Pest repellant." "Zap!" " [shouts]" " I never fail." " Code red, monsters!" "Intercept that report!" " On it!" " So very on it." "[cackles]" " Ha-ha!" "Ha, ha." "Susan, I forgot how to be a solid." " [grunts] what in" "Dr. Cockroach, what are you doing to my ride?" " Combination afterburners and homing function, general." "You are now locked on to the alien child's form" "At extra maximum speed." " [shouts]" " I'm sorry for any inconvenience" "To your faces." " You're in over your head, kid." "I have decades of combat training" "And the speed of a barracuda." " I have bees." " [screams]" " [grunts]" " Game over, sqweep." "Just hand over the report, and we can-- [both shout]" " What?" "You tripped the large-sized female?" " We are fellow aliens on a strange planet" "And therefore natural best friends." "Why, I could even help protect your information pod." "[laughs]" " Unnecessary." "But I am very pleased to be your new best friend." " Best friends share." "That's how you know they're best friends," "The sharing." "Bfs!" "[device whirring]" " Sweet rhubarb pie!" "We're too late!" " Not yet." "[women screaming]" "Behold, a jamming device so powerful," "It will not only block out transmission" "Of sqweep's report." "It will flash-fry the data forever!" "[laughs] [thunder crashing] [device whirring]" "[computer beeping] [weapon whirring] [loud zapping]" " Science is my favorite subject too." "Would you like me to teach you how to be better at it?" " I'm beginning to despise that child." " Begin report transmission." " Squirrels," "Earth's fluffy puppet masters." " Um, well..." " [chuckling] squirrels." " Um, sqweep, what is this?" " My report on earth's dominant species." " And you think that species is the squirrel?" "[computer whirring] [both laughing]" " Wow." "Really?" " Clearly, it's squirrels." "Their leaping, foraging," "And fluffiness skills are superior." " It's called science, people." " Their language is too complex to completely decode," "But I am certain they are secretly running" "Every major world organization." "[both laughing]" " Be nice." " Little alien, I assure you it's us humans" "Who dominate this planet." " Humans?" " Unfortunately, yes." " [shouts]" " Report interrupted." " Please ignore transmission." "Will submit project later." "Hugs." "Sqweep." "[sighs]" " Wait." ""will submit project later"?" " It is 1/3 of my grade." "I must stay and redo my report" "With humans this time." " What makes you think I'd allow an alien" "To run willy-nilly over my terra firma?" " I think I have already proven that you cannot stop me." " Can." " Cannot." " Yes, I can." " Enough!" "You want to stay here," "You will operate under my supervision" "Out of our base at area 50-something." " What?" " We're bringing in another alien?" " I like to keep my friends close" "And my aliens closer." " I accept," "And I already have a best friend." " [shudders]" " You're gonna want to wash that hand." " Then welcome aboard, sqweep." "Soldiers, return to base." " But, general, the child is a menace." "Show-off." " Are all earth creatures this jealous" "Of superior intelligence?" "I should know this for my report." " I am not jealous." "[squirrels chattering]" " [laughs]" "Both:" "Lazy Saturday." " Where's the remote?" " Face fishing!" "[gags] [television beeping]" " No." " "no signal."" "Oh, is that a cop show?" " It can't be." " More no signal." "Man, this show is on, like, every channel." " B.O.B., I think-- I think the cable's out." "[creaking]" "We have no tv." "No tv, b.O.B.!" " Hmm." "[screaming]" " This is an epic boredom crisis." "The very survival of lazy Saturday" "Is at stake." " [screams]" "What do we do?" " We find something fun, pronto!" " This is gonna be awesome!" " Yeah, try not to talk." "Throws off the aim a little bit." " I'll try, but, you know, you know my mouth." "I mean, sometimes it just does stuff" "And I don't even realize it." "Oh, there it goes again!" "Bad mouth!" "[babbling]" " This activity has a 97.44% chance" "Of catastrophic damage." " 100% chance of don't care." " I merely wish to record the results" "For my earth studies report." "I have a section" "On your planet's substandard intelligence." " Whoa, kid." "There's nothing sub about earth intelligence." " My mouth got free again!" "[grunts]" " The cable's out." "You take away a man's tv, stuff's gonna happen." " Fascinating." "And what would happen if he had television back?" " You have tv?" " Gimme." " Gimme!" " So bored!" " Please gimme!" " Alien satellite television." "It is not the premium package," "So I only receive 65 trillion channels." "[both babbling] - 65..." " Would you like to borrow it?" "I'm confident your tiny earth minds" "Will benefit from my educational television." " Hold up." "Educational television?" "You know that learning and fun are enemies in the wild, right?" " Well, if you don't want it..." " 65 trillion channels?" " From 17 different galaxies." " We'll take our chances." "[both laugh]" "Space jail." "Martian martial arts mayhem." " Ooh, this one's just stuff exploding." " And that's the actual title, just stuff exploding." "I got to tell you, sqweep," "This does not sound like brain food." " I assure you-- - shh, shh, shh, shh." "Tv talking now." " And here's more of theta quadrant's" "Painfulest home videos." "Clang!" " Ooh, my gleentorgs!" " [laughs] right in the gleentorgs." " I love educational television." " Kiss me, omeganaught!" "Kiss me with each of your seven mouths." "[loud smooching]" " Officer zankar-7, stand down." "You can't parachute from space jail!" "It's in space!" " But I'm a loose cannon, chief." "And it's the only way to save the galactic emperor's baby." " Do it!" " Do it, zankar!" " Zankar!" " Deploy space-chute in three," "Two-- [tv beeping]" " Hey!" " Tv!" " Continue watching, yes or no?" " [stammering] yeah!" "Continue watching!" " Think of the galactic emperor's baby!" " One plus one equals..." " Hey-- what" "Hey, what's wrong with your tv?" " Nothing." "It is a perfectly functioning educational television." " Yeah, maybe it's my earth intelligence," "But on this planet, educational tv" "Means puppets teaching the alphabet" "Or songs about washing your hands after you tinkle." " Uh, whoa, whoa," "We're supposed to do what after what?" " Well, you can finish the chips." " [gulps]" " Well, on my planet," "Educational television is a device." "In order to continue watching," "You must answer an academic question." " But that's like work!" "On lazy Saturday?" "Oh, what is wrong with you?" " Easy, b.O.B." "You know, whatever." "As long as there's still tv," "I can handle some simple math." "One plus one equals" " Mushroom." " Seriously?" " That answer is wrong!" "[loud zapping]" " What was that?" " Paincentive, a registered alien trademark." " It's also a registered butt mark." " Every time you get a question wrong," "There will be another sonic blast" "To remind you to be smarter." " Identify the shape." " Big boom for every wrong answer, huh?" "You thinking what I'm thinking, buddy?" " The shape is a no-angle?" " That answer is wrong!" "[loud zapping]" " Cool!" " Yeah!" "Take that, books!" "This is way better than regular tv." "Come on, b.O.B. Let's go have some fun." " What?" " You are thirsty." "Do you need a glass of water or a campfire?" " I'm deferring to b.O.B." " Does the campfire have any juice boxes?" " That answer is wrong!" "[loud zapping]" " Yeah!" " All right!" " What are you doing?" "This is not improving your earth intelligence." " I'm smart enough to know I'm not bored anymore." " "e" equals mc boom." "[both laugh] [high-pitched whirring]" " What sound does a cow make?" " None." "It's in stealth mode." " Why would a cow be in stealth mode?" " Ask her." "She's the one wearing cowmaflage." " [sighs] that answer is wrong!" "[both whooping]" " You are mocking the educational process." "This experiment-- [shouts]" "Both:" "Ha!" " Oh, nothing much." "Just chilling, plotting evil, you know?" "How's your day?" " Duck." "D-o-zero-q?" " Wrong!" "[loud zapping]" " [screams] [groans]" " Surprise!" " You are disappointing the entire universe." " Wrong!" "[loud zapping] [muffled music playing]" " Cupcakes." " Wrong!" "[loud zapping]" " Anything important broken?" " Not yet." " Are you going to do nothing about this?" " Shh." "Lazy Saturday." " But" " Wrong!" "[explosion]" " [shouts] [repeated loud zapping]" " Yeah!" "You got nothing!" "Come on, I'll make it easy for you." " You realize you are confirming" "The inferiority of earth intelligence?" " [laughing]" " Oh, I got you this time!" " Pick which cat is different." "Here is a hint." "It is the one that is an elephant." "[elephant trumpets]" " Hmm." "[device beeping, elephant trumpeting]" "[device beeping, elephant trumpeting]" " Um, that one looks..." "Vegetarian?" "[device whirring down]" "What happened?" " I do not know." " Your mind is an insult to the universe." " [scoffs] shows what you know." "I don't even have a mind." " I am forced to increase the paincentive to ultimate." " Huh, that sounds ominous." " Well, it serves you both right." "Sometimes the only way to learn" " Any planet that produces such stupidity" "Cannot be allowed to exist." " Say what with the what?" " Oh, gleentorgs." " Now downloading an app" "To launch the earth into the sun." "Have a nice five minutes of remaining existence." " Wait." "Is that app free?" "'cause you didn't ask my credit card number," "Which is seven" " Downloading faster now." "Make the blue man go away." "Make him go." " Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "You can't just shoot us into the sun" "Over some stupid questions!" " Uh, technically, the answers were stupid, buddy." " Oh, now you're smart." " Do you know what it means if the planet is incinerated?" " Yeah, we're all goners!" " Worse!" "An automatic d-minus in earth studies." "What?" " Come on." "Give us another question." "I promise we'll get it right." " Yes, one more chance." "Please?" " Final question." " Phew." " Phew." " Calculate the velocity required" "To maximize the gravitational slingshot effect" "When rounding perselon's second largest moon" "During the apex of its orbital crossing." " That'll be for you." " But that moon orbits an irregular ellipses" "That vary with each cycle." "It would take two days to run all the calculations." " Download complete." "[device beeping] [rumbling]" " ¶ lazy Saturday" "Now shake very lightly and-- [rumbling] [whimpering] [shouting]" " [shouts]" " Maybe the answer is-  [grunts]" " What's going on?" " If somebody doesn't tell that mini tv" "The right velocity for some gravity slingshot," "It's gonna launch this rock into the sun!" " Is it weird that not a single word of that surprised me?" " Perselon's second largest moon, eh?" "Tricky job, irregular ellipses and whatnot." "Better let me have a go." " No, thank you." " Yes, please." " Unnecessary." " Actually, I believe" " Actually, it would be most helpful" "If you'd shut your mandibles and let me work." " Okay, I think it's got something to do" "With ice cream sandwi" " You're missing the shortcut provided by gervalli's constant." "Gervalli's constant does not apply" "To quadruple helix patterns." " Not on the first seven cycles, but" " Enough!" "Your friends have already proven that earth intelligence" "Is inferior, incompetent, and incapable." " I got it." "The answer is "one foot."" " One foot?" " That's not even a measure of velocity." "[device whirring down]" " Signal lost." "[both grunt]" " Earth intelligence is fine, thanks." "It just runs stronger on the female side." " Oh, susan broke the tv." "I'm bored again." " You want to go play experimental weapons tag?" " I'm in!" " I'll get the launch codes." " [sighs]"