"Previously on "Being Erica"..." "Is it true that you're taking Friedken's book from Julianne?" "Julianne's ship is taking on water, fast." "She gave me my shot." "She's a friend, and I'm not just gonna abandon her." "I'm disappointed in you, Erica." "The feeling's mutual." "That girl is my daughter." "I don't feel like you want me to have a life." "We had a fight this day, and it was one of many, but this day I said some things that I later regretted." "You're hurting me!" "And this was the last time that I saw my daughter." "I mean, I didn't know if she was dead or alive... and I still don't." "So... you sing really well." "You're like a barista by day, a rock star by night." "I do have feelings for you, Kai." "I wish that I didn't, but I do." "Relationships-- they're like pillars in our lives, providing support, defining the space in which we live." "Good morning." "Hey, you." "Is everything ok?" "Yeah." "Everything's fine." "Why?" "You know, you're the worst liar on the planet." "Uhh..." "Sorry." "I'm just, uh, I'm just a little distracted." "Because?" "Because the..." ""The None" is launching, and Alexis owes me a draft of the third chapter." "It's four days late." "Julianne is breathing down my back." "And, of course," "I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning." "Again." "Plus we got the hydro bill, and it's crazy this month." "Yeah." "Anything else you wanna stress about?" "Point taken." "Hey, I'll pick up the dry cleaning." "It's gonna be ok." "It always is." "Thanks." "We think of them as solid, immutable." "The world may change around us, but our relationships?" "They remain constant." "No, and I agree." "I think that the orgasm chapter is compelling, but I feel like it's coming too soon in the book." "Uh, no pun intended, I hope." "And chapter three?" "Where's that one, exactly?" "Uh, I'm hoping it's in my inbox." "Hey, what're you doing here?" "Just, uh..." "I didn't sleep last night." "I kept thinking about what you said." "And I realized that this was a big mistake" "Us becoming friends." "Kai..." "I came back here to have a normal life, not to screw up yours." "No, you came back to undo a regret." "At first." "And then I realized that I can do a lot more than that." "I can rewrite my whole existence." "No, you can't." "I can, and I was, until you showed up." "You know, getting in the middle, between you and Ethan, that was the old me, and I won't go down that road again." "And I'm not asking you to." "We shoulda stuck to coffee and small talk, like I said." "I think that you're overreacting." "Really?" "Yeah." "You think you can just say that... that you feel something for me and it doesn't change anything?" "Well, not if we don't let it." "Just do yourself a favor and stay away from me." "Kai..." "I'm serious." "I'm done" "With this whole screwed up situation, this friendship... or whatever the hell it is." "It's over." "Relationships-- they feel so permanent, so solid." "So why, are we always surprised to find out that, like everything else, they are not immune to change?" "♪ Being Erica 2x10 ♪ Papa Can You Hear Me? ♪ it's clearer inside of me ♪" "♪ who I will always be ♪" "♪ open me up to my heart ♪" "♪ feels like I'm seeing in the dark ♪" "♪ waking me up to my heart ♪" "♪ to do it all over again and again ♪" "♪ until the end ♪" "♪ the sum of my dreams ♪" "♪ and everything I ever wanted to be ♪" "Um..." "Brent?" "We can't talk here." "What?" "Why not?" "Count to 15 before you follow me." "Second thought, make that 20." "Brent!" "I said 20." "What has gotten into you?" "You've become a cub scout?" "No." "These two fingers represent the pause button." "On our friendship." "What?" "River Rock Publishing is in the middle of a cold war." "I'm America, and you're the USSR." "That's ridiculous." "Crossing enemy lines is a mistake." "It complicates things." "Oh, Brent, come on." "This is crazy." "How long can you two keep this up?" "Don't blame me." "Blame Julianne." "By the way, fierce heels." "I am the one that's paid the lion's share of the mortgage!" "I am the one that's bought the groceries!" "I paid the bills!" "I--I arranged and funded all of our vacations!" "Hey!" "Sam." "What's going on?" "Divorce papers?" "Wait, Josh is asking for a divorce?" "Not just a divorce, Erica." "He wants to wipe me out." "Claire and Josh, separated at birth." "He wants you to pay him $80,000?" "Yup." "Yup." "Because, according to him, he "put me through med school."" "That's ridiculous." "He didn't." "You know, all of the signs were there, even from the beginning." "I--I just didn't even wanna see them." "Like what?" "Like..." "We just never talked" "Never about anything important, never about how I felt." "So, of course, after a while we become like strangers..." "It was like he had this made-up idea in his mind of who I was... and now here we are." "You know what's really, really pathetic?" "I just wanna run away from this whole thing," "So I go to Goblins like some desperate loser, looking for Kai." "Kai." "Really?" "And, uh, how was that?" "He wasn't there." "He quit, actually." "What?" "!" "I mean, are you sure?" "Yeah." "Um, Dave said he came in this morning and didn't give any notice." "Just walked out the door." "Oh, it's the lawyer calling me back." "One sec." "Hello?" "Yes, this is Samantha." "Hey." "There you go." "Sorry, we're closing." "I know." "But, Dave, look, I heard that Kai quit, and I really need to talk to him." "So, do you have his phone number?" "He doesn't want me giving that to anyone, especially you." "Dave!" "Look, please." "Something is going on with him, and..." "Kai, he loves this job." "Apparently not." "He didn't even give me two weeks notice." "Did he tell you that he's quitting his band?" "What?" "!" "Last thing he said before he walked out." "I don't know what's happening to him." "Please, please," "Dave, I really need to talk to him." "This is his address." "He's not answering his phone." "You didn't get this from me." "Uh-huh?" "Mm-mmm." "Mmm!" "Mm-hmm." "You don't-- oh, Dave, thank you!" "Ok." "Thank you!" "You're the best!" "Kai!" "It's Erica!" "Look, I came all this way!" "Uninvited." "To talk to you." "Please." "Hey." "Can I come in?" "Look, I know that I made everything really complicated for you, and I'm sorry." "Whatever." "It's not you, it's me." "I screw everything up." "Why did you quit your job?" "'cause I figured then if I disappear, you and Ethan can go back to being in love," "Travis can have a nice little musical career." "No, that's not the way that this works." "I don't care how this works." "You can go." "Now." "Kai-- I told you to stay away, all right?" "Stop trying to save me." "It's not your job." "If Dr. Fred can give up, so can you." "No, Dr. Fred, he hasn't given up." "Really?" "Do you see him here, laying down the law?" "No." "Tomorrow, I tell Travis I quit the band, then I'm gone." "♪ you're driving me ♪" "♪ alive again ♪" "♪ you're driving me ♪" "♪ ohh ♪ you" "♪ alive again ♪" "♪ you're driving me ♪" "Erica." "Please, have a seat." "He won't listen." "I mean, he's being irrational and unreasonable." "Why is he doing this?" "Well, those are all valid questions, but they're not for you and I to discuss, so..." "Why not?" "Why?" "Because." "In here, we talk about you." "Right?" "Your life..." "and your choices and, lo and behold, your list." "But I can't just ignore what's happening to him." "Kai, he has no one." "I feel responsible, and so should you." "I mean, you let Dr. Fred send me to his future for a reason." "Yes." "I did." "And, you know, it's a decision that I've since come to regret." "Well, then why did you agree?" "Because I thought that it would help you, that it might provide for you some useful, you know, perspective." "But instead, you've gotten completely caught up in his life." "What you need to do is focus on yourself." "Ok?" "So, please, sit." "No." "No?" "This is my therapy, and I should be allowed to decide what we talk about." "Erica, just drop it." "Ok?" "You're not his doctor." "This is not your problem." "No, because his doctor is mia, and Kai is out there drowning, and you are acting like you don't even care." "You could talk to him." "No." "Yes." "You could get through to him." "You and I are not gonna discuss this any further." "You know, unlike Dr. Fred," "I don't become involved in the lives of other patients." "That's a rule?" "That's my rule." "Fine." "We are not doing this today." "Erica, come back." "Open the door." "Come back and sit down in the chair, please." "Open the door!" "Everything ok?" "We had a disagreement." "It wasn't our first, won't be our last." "Well, disagreements are a normal part of the process." "This was different." "This felt like... the fights that I used to have with Sarah." "In what way?" "Well, you know, she and I would get going, and, uh, you know, there was never any middle ground." "It just would always end up being an all-out war." "And it never accomplished anything." "It would just end up leading... well, you know where it led." "You lost her." "Are you afraid that you might lose Erica?" "I don't know." "I--I don't understand." "I mean, I don't even know what that was in there." "I was not a good father." "And I'm aware of that," "But I am a good therapist." "Yes, but even the best therapists miss things." "What?" "Just tell me, then." "What is the connection here?" "You know, why am I having the same fight with Erica" "That I used to have with my daughter?" "Only one way to find out." "Stop it!" "Sarah." "Let go of me!" "Sarah!" "Forget it, dad, I'm never coming home!" "Sarah, wait." "Wait!" "I just wanna talk to you." "Yeah, well, you never listen to me." "There's no point." "Wait, wait, wait!" "This time, I will listen." "She said she doesn't wanna talk." "Yeah, just go back to work, ok?" "Work?" "I don't care about work." "Oh, you see this?" "This is work, ok?" "Dad..." "Ok, what else?" "My cell phone?" "Work." "Definitely work." "Garbage." "And uh, what, watch?" "You take that." "No more work, ok?" "Dad, what's gotten into you?" "You're embarrassing yourself." "I want you to come and have some lunch with me." "Just lunch" "One hour, that's all." "Please." "Ok, I'll meet you back at the van, Martin." "Ok?" "Don't let him do this." "He's just messing with you again." "I'll be fine." "I promise." "Ok?" "Just go." "We leave at 5:00." "Don't be late." "Hey, you ready?" "You remember this place?" "Of course." "I'm not brain-dead." "You used to bring me here every Sunday." "We'd get strawberry milkshakes." "Yeah." "With extra whipped cream." "Yeah, and you'd always let me eat yours." "Yeah." "Seems like a lifetime ago." "So, what did you wanna talk to me about?" "You." "Uh, let me guess." "Ok, you hate my hair," "My clothes, my friends..." "Sarah" "How I'm ruining my life." "Sarah, I'm here because I wanna understand what happened." "I just wanna know how you and I ended up like this." "I don't know." "It just happened." "Listen, I understand that the problems between your mom and I didn't or haven't helped the situation, but..." "Can we-- can we just order already?" "All right." "I'm just trying to understand here." "Well, you never do." "You just believe what you want." "Well, maybe you do that, too." "What can I get ya?" "Uh, two eggs, over medium." "Multigrain toast." "Uh, I'll do the mushroom and cheese omelet, please." "Anything to drink?" "No." "Water for me." "Nothing, thanks." "No, excuse me, uh..." "Actually, we'll have two strawberry milkshakes, extra whipped cream." "We couldn't find you anywhere." "You know, finally, your mom stayed up top, and I took the elevator all the way down to the ground floor." "And I got out of the elevator, and there you were, reciting the alphabet, in French, to, uh, the security guards at the CN Tower." "And you were little, too." "You couldn't have been more than five." "Not scared though." "Nah, not one bit." "Heh." "Take your time." "Thank you." "Oh." "Damn." "What's wrong?" "Heh." "My, uh, wallet was in my jacket." "Oh, no way." "Way." "Do you have money?" "I'll pay you back." "I promise." "Yeah." "Um..." "Three and change." "That's it?" "Yup." "Mmm, not enough." "Let's go." "No, no." "We can't do that." "What, you got a better idea?" "Come on, dad, our window's closing, and we need to dine and dash now." "Excuse me, sir." "Sir!" "Wow." "I can't believe you did that." "Yeah, neither can I." "That is so not you." "Can I ask you something?" "Sure." "So, where are you and Martin going?" "Dad." "What?" "Come on, I don't wanna talk about that." "We're just gonna fight, ok?" "Forget it, then." "It's ok." "Well, I should get back." "Oh, Martin said that you had 'till 5:00, right?" "Sarah, I really just... just wanna tag along with you, see how you spend your time." "I'm not gonna interfere." "I'll just sit there, won't say a word." "What is it you think I do?" "Steal cars?" "Vandalize private property?" "Beg?" "Sarah, I have no idea what you do... and that's why I'm asking." "This is a life drawing class." "Yeah, sorry to disappoint." "Here you go." "Thanks." "Hey." "You come here a lot?" "Yeah, 2 or 3 times a week." "You wanna sit there?" "There?" "Yeah." "♪ scars are souvenirs you never lose ♪" "♪ the past is never far ♪" "♪ did you lose yourself somewhere out there?" "♪" "♪ did you get to be a star?" "♪" "♪ don't it make you sad ♪" "♪ to know that life ♪" "♪ is more than who we are?" "♪" "♪ I won't tell him your name ♪" "♪ I won't tell him your name ♪" "♪ I won't tell him your name ♪" "So, you wanna show me what you did?" "Oh, uh...sure." "All right." "Heh heh." "Oh, that's very abstract." "Well, that's--that's a smudge from my hand, that part." "It's good." "Can I see yours?" "Come on, fair is fair." "Um, well, ok." "Well..." "It was a bit rushed." "I could do better." "Ok." "That's good." "Sarah, that's really good." "And Debbie's actually one of my favorite models necause she's so flexible, and she moves in really interesting ways, you know?" "So, what do you do with that now?" "Oh...nothing." "It's just an exercise." "You mind if I keep that?" "Thanks." "Yeah." "You know, you really should've gone to art school." "What is this, a mid-life crisis or something?" "Do you have cancer?" "No, no." "No, no." "Well, then what?" "Art school?" "That's what I should do?" "I thought it was Commerce or..." "Pre-med or I'm "on my own."" "I said that?" "Ah." "Well, I wish I hadn't." "I mean, I know that doesn't really help." "It helps a little." "Well..." "I had a really nice time today, Sarah." "Yeah, me, too." "Good." "Take care of yourself." "Bye, dad." "Hey, I already know where I'm going to hang this." "Dad?" "Yeah." "What, Sarah?" "What is it?" "I don't think I wanna go." "Hey, what is this?" "What're you trying to do here?" "I just came to say hello." "No need to get testy." "You and I both know I cannot change Sarah's path." "I can't influence her to make a different decision." "I can't this, I can't that." "It's all about you, isn't it?" "What?" "Wonder why that is." "I have no idea what you're talking about." "Where's Sarah in this equation, Tom?" "You're not making the choice." "She is." "Come on, that is pure semantics, and you know it." "The only reason that she's changing her mind is because I'm a different person." "So, you know what?" "Actually, yes, it has everything to do with me." "Hey, dad, what's going on?" "Nothing." "Oh, I was just describing to the officer about my wallet, my lost wallet." "So, thank you, officer." "Well, we'll be sure to put every resource we have on this, just for you." "Let's go." "Marjorie?" "I'm gonna go have a shower." "Ok." "Uh, Sarah?" "What should I make us for dinner?" "Don't you mean, what should you order in?" "No, I cook." "S-sometimes I cook." "Yeah, I'd wait for mom if I were you." "Wow, look at you." "Yeah, please don't." "I look like I walked off the set of "7th Heaven" or something." "I hope you don't mind, I put my clothes in the wash." "And since everything else I own is in Martin's van..." "It's totally fine." "What's that?" "This is fettuccine bolognese." "Wow." "Props, dad." "Thanks." "Hello?" "Tom?" "Yeah, we're in the kitchen." "Sarah." "Hey, mom." "Um, dad said it'd be ok if I came home with him." "Of course it's ok, if you're here to stay." "Sarah's here for dinner, which, uh... is actually going to be ready momentarily, so..." "So, what was it this time?" "Did you run out of money, or did you have another fight with Martin?" "Yeah, it was a big mistake." "I really shouldn't have come here." "Sarah, wait." "One of many." "Marjorie, please." "What?" "She's here." "That's a good thing." "It is, but I think I have the right to know why she's here and if she's going to stay this time." "Just drop" "Uh, could you, um, set the dining room table for us, please?" "I cannot believe you!" "Shh, I know." "Shh..." "I thought we agreed we'd be a united front." "Yeah." "Listen, I spent the day with her today." "And I really believe that we all have an opportunity here." "And, Marjorie, I don't want to drive her away again." "We have been down this road before and every time-- every time, we fail." "Yeah, all of us." "But let's-- can we just have some dinner?" "As a family?" "Pasta's not overcooked, I hope?" "It's really good." "So, have you, um... have thought about your plans now that you're home?" "No." "Well, I'm here," "If you want help with your resume or if you decide you want to apply to university again." "Well, I just got back an hour ago." "Of course." "Um, we can think ahead." "She is, actually." "Sarah tells me that she wants to pursue art." "Yeah, maybe even, um, art school." "Well, that could be good." "You've always liked art." "So you'd study graphic design, that sort of thing?" "Uh, maybe a bit, but..." "Yeah, uh..." "I think that whatSarah wants to do is to be an artist." "You know, the, uh..." "And the thing is, she's good." "You know, we went to her art class today." "To an art class?" "Yeah." "She did this." "Yeah, it's lovely." "But drawing is... a hobby." "It's not a career." "Marjorie, don't." "Don't why?" "It's true." "How many artists do you know who make a living?" "Who aren't forced to waitress or clean houses?" "Mom, there's more to life than money, actually." "I know that's really hard for you to understand." "Sarah." "Come on, Tom, you agree with me." "I don't, actually." "It's Sarah's life." "And I don't think that shutting this down is the right thing." "Really?" "Since when?" "What?" "Do you know what your dad told me last night?" "He said it killed him, waking up every morning, knowing that his daughter was living on the streets and throwing away her whole life." "Would you stop?" "!" "Why did you come looking for me?" "Sarah..." "I was fine." "I came because I wanted to understand why this happened." "This happened because you and mom, you won't let me live my life." "You think you can make decisions for me for the rest of my life, forever." "No, Sarah, that's not true." "I want you to decide." "Right." "Decide to go to art school?" "Yes." "Yeah, so even there, you're taking the thing that I love, and you're..." "You know I'm an adult, right?" "And so, that means, for the first time, finally, finally, I can make my own decisions." "You can't control me." "I can do what I want!" "And right now, what I want is to get the hell out of here!" "Tom." "Just, uh..." "just give me a minute." "Thank you... for taking me back there." "I know it was hard." "Yeah, you know, I always assumed that it was the problems between marjorie and I that were to blame for what happened with Sarah." "And now?" "Well, now I know it was more complicated than that." "We were scared." "We thought she was just messing around, you know?" "We thought she just didn't wanna grow up." "When, in fact, that's exactly what she was trying to do." "She accused you of wanting to make decisions for her, forever." "Is that what I'm doing with Erica?" "Making her decisions for her?" "What do you think?" "You can't deny the fact that Kai..." "He has become a distraction." "Maybe he has." "But why does that preclude him from being a necessary part of Erica's journey?" "Especially if she wants him to be?" "How did you know when--when I was ready?" "You knew." "And you let me know." "Thank you." "Fred?" "Hey." "Cheers." "So, what do they do to doctors who crash and burn?" "Same thing they do to doctors who quit." "I heard about that." "Yeah." "Uh, not my finest moment." "Mmm." "You know, this thing that we do, it's not easy." "No kidding." "I can't reach him." "I've tried everything I can think of." "Sometimes you need a little help." "I did." "Yeah, well, no one's offered." "Well, consider this an offer." "Hey, I'm not saying it's gonna change anything," "But if you wanted me to," "I'd be happy to give it a try." "Be my guest." "I'm not sure if Kai will let you be his, but you might as well try." "Hold on a second!" "Hold on a second!" "Yeah, what?" "It's funny." "I think was expecting someone more..." "Charming." "You know, for a rock star." "May I come in?" "Who are you?" "Dr. Tom, Erica's therapist." "Thanks." "So, what, are you tag-teaming me now?" "Huh?" "So, Dr. Fred sent you in here to talk me back on the straight and narrow, convince me I'm destroying my life?" "Erica ever mention to you that she had a brother?" "No." "Well, he died 10 years ago in a tragic accident, one that Erica tried to go back and prevent by twisting this therapy into something that it's not." "Did it work?" "What do you think?" "So..." "Well, explain to me, Kai... what is it that you want, exactly?" "To disappear." "Why?" "I mean, what is it that you figure that's gonna do?" "It's gonna make things better for everybody, including me." "Well, it seems to me you've tried that already, though," "Haven't you?" "I mean, you ran away from your whole life." "And yet, here you are again... running." "Um, I'm just wondering where it ends." "It ends with Travis still alive." "You know, Kai, just because you want that to happen doesn't mean that it will." "You know, that might be something you need to face." "Are we done?" "No." "No." "Uh... one more thing." "Be sure, Kai." "Before you make any big changes, before you start messing around with your past, be sure that you're making the right choices this time." ""act the way you'd like to be, and soon you'll be the way you act."" "Bob Dylan." "You know, Alexis, she may know a lot about sex, but she sure doesn't know how to use the apostrophe." "Well, that's why we pay you the medium-sized bucks, chicken." "Dori swears by this new raw food place." "That being said, raw food plus Dori equals a bathroom break every 20 minutes." "Hey, maybe Erica can think of someplace we can go." "Eri-- actually..." "I feel like Italian." "Carb cleansing's so 2005." "Ouch." "I can't believe that..." "I actually thought that I was friends with him." "Yeah, I kinda figured out he couldn't be trusted when I found his nail file sticking straight out of my back." "Erica, it's awful, I know, but it is what it is." "Maybe if I could just talk to him away from here... or maybe you just need to accept that fact that your friendship has changed." "Probably for good." "Here it is." "Thanks." "Hey, so, uh... how is this?" "It's a little high on the left, you think?" "Maybe you didn't get the message when I walked out of here yesterday." "No, I got it loud and clear." "Erica, you were right to be upset." "Really?" "Yeah." "And also, to answer your question, when are you allowed to decide what we talk about?" "When you're ready." "And apparently, that's now." "So..." "Let's talk about Kai." "Ok." "Ok, what's the catch?" "No catch." "Sit." "Please." "Well, he... he is withdrawing from everything," "And I feel like it's my fault." "Why?" "Because you told him that you felt something for him?" "And he thinks that changes everything, and I told him it doesn't have to, but he--he doesn't listen." "And you think that he's wrong-- that after your confession, that you can continue to be just friends." "Yes." "Because I made it very clear to him that" "That you were not breaking up with Ethan." "Right." "I know." "What?" "It's funny." "You know, a year ago, you and I couldn't have this conversation." "You know, I would have shut it down and, uh, you would have dropped it." "You would've done as you were told." "Heh." "Yeah." "Things are different now." "You're different." "And that's a sign." "A sign of what?" "Change." "You know, in here, one gets the feeling that time stands still." "Of course, it does, in a way." "But, uh, you and I," "Our, uh, patient-therapist relationship, it's, uh... it's evolving." "It is." "What is it that they say?" "Change or die." "Well, you know, that's... that's the same for relationships, too." "You know, if we don't allow them to change, then we run the risk of destroying them." "So, I think the question here is, can you accept that your relationship with Kai is changing?" "I have a crush on a damaged rock star from the future." "I'm not gonna... throw away everything that I have for that." "For nothing." "I'm not stupid." "Well, then, there's your answer." "Right?" "Yeah." "It's beautiful." "It's very raw, in a good way." "Yeah, it is." "Change is inevitable." "The only constant is that nothing is constant, and our best defense is to change how we deal with it." "I'm just here for a decaf vanilla latte." "Or... not?" "He's here." "Kai?" "Yes." "Hey." "Hey." "Hi." "So, you're just here picking up your last paycheck?" "No, more like begging for my job back." "Yup." "Wow, that's-- that's a surprise." "I thought you'd be happy." "No, I, of course I am." "But... what changed?" "Your doc, he paid me a visit." "We had an interesting conversation." "Wait, I'm sorry." "Dr. Tom, he spoke with you?" "Yeah, I thought he did it 'cause of you." "No, no." "I asked him to, but... but he said no." "Well, I guess he changed his mind." "Yeah, I guess he did." "Anyway, some of things he said made me reconsider." "Really?" "I think I'll stick around a while, do some thinking." "Decide what I wanna do next." "Last thing I need is another regret, right?" "Right." "Listen, Kai, about the..." "I mean, about this situation and what you said about us not talking to each other." "Yeah, I'm sorry." "I was overreacting." "No, I think that you were right." "I really need to focus on Ethan and me right now." "Oh, no, of course, I get it." "You gotta do what feels right." "Ok." "Thanks." "So, we'll still see you for your morning coffee?"