"Ed was a fine newsman,and a good friend to all of us here at channel nine for many years." "He will be missed." "And so let us end tonight's broadc as ed used to end his own, by saying,"see ya later,pittsburgh." "" ryan:" "We're clear." ""See ya later,pittsburgh"?" "A:" "It's not exactly "good night and good luck." "" And b:" "Ed's not seeing anyone later." "You know,I only met him once,but seemed like such a sweet guy." "It's so sad." "Tell you one thing,that man leaves a big void." "Oh,that's right,you used to play poker with him." "Every week for the last 20 years." "I don't see how we're going to be able to go on without him." "I'll play." "You can't just replace ed coleman." "Yeah,you're right." "I've never even played poker." "Thursday at 8:" "00.Bring lots of cash." "You know what's really weird?" "I got a call asking me to do the eulogy." "You did?" "Yeah.I don't know what i'm going to say." "It's not like we were great friends." "I mean,years ago,when I worked under him" " I hate to say this-- but he was actually kind of mean to me." "The happiest day of my life was when I got away from him." "There will not be a dry eye in the place." "I don't know why I wasn't asked to speak." "Ed and I spent tons of time together." "I knew him better than anyone here,and they ask you?" "I guess in times of crisis,pittsburgh turns to the faces they trust." "That's our promo." "I knew that came too easily." "I guess they're just looking for a bigger name." "My name is crezyzewski." "Montana:" "Hey,what about you,chuck?" "Are you giving a eulogy?" "I'm not even going." "Why not?" "I hardly knew him." "And I don't do funerals." "What do you mean you don't do funerals?" "When I turned a certain age," "I promised myself i was done doing things i didn't want to do." "Oh,so when you turned 50 you decided to be even more selfish?" "Actually,I was nine." "See ya later,pittsburgh." "Back to You Season 1 Episode 08" "**************" "*******" "******************" "***********" "*********" "*********" "************" "Oh,no." "What is it?" "Sitter canceled for the funeral tomorrow." "It's too late to find somebody to watch gracie." "You know what,I could do it." "You?" "No." "No,no.No,no,no." "No,no,no,no,no." "No,no,no,no,no." "So I guess you're lukewarm on the idea." "I don't mean to be rude,but this just not the right time." "Fine." "I'm not going to sit here and try to convince you to let me help." "Good." "I just don't get it." "I'm here,I'm willing." "More importantly,I'm her father." "She doesn't know that,and it would be weird for her." "You know what's going to be weird?" "The day she says to you,"mom, why is that guy you work with walking me down the aisle?" "" Look,I know,I keep saying that someday I'm going to want her in my life, and someday never seems to come." "That's mostly my fault" " I admit that, but isn't this a great opportunity to at least take the first step?" "okay,fine." "If it's not time,it's not time." "Thank you." "Oh,come on!" "It's just a few hours!" "Okay." "Thank you." "I'll drop her off at your hotel at noon." "Oh,by the way,I charge $10 an hour for babysitting." "Really?" "Is that what amber's mother pays you?" "hi." "Hi,gracie." "This is weird." "Told you." "Look,it's not weird." "We're going to have fun." "Okay,anybody who likes fun,cross your arms and sneer." "There's one,there's two." "I don't need a babysitter,I'm not eight." "Lots of 11-year-olds stay home by themselves." "Yes,and then they choke on candy and the cat has to dial 911." "I've done those stories." "I couldn't I just go to tracy's house?" "Because tracy's mom drinks wine at lunch and wouldn't hear a smoke alarm if she were wearing it as an earring,all right?" "All right,listen,I have to go." "No sugar,no internet,no coffee drinks." "Okay." "What about some rules for her?" "See honey,now you know why mom sometimes drinks wine at lunch." "Okay." "Let's get this party started,huh?" "Who wants to watch... the olsen twins?" "Are you serious?" "Their movies are stupid and their lives are a mess." "Well,only one of them." "What am I doing here?" "This is so unfair." "Okay,if it's unfair,then I guess that means you don't want to play with... the airzookas!" "Here,take this one here." "All right,now... look,I can do it from all the way over here.Look." "Come on,don't you want to shoot me?" "Not with this." "That is one sweet buggy." "The coffin?" "Solid mahogany." "Ed would have appreciated that." "He was a woodworker." "Anyone else know that?" "Didn't think so." "Look at that kelly carr." "Ed always used to say what a hellcat she was in bed." "Ten years of sleeping with her,I'm surprised it didn't kill ed sooner." "Hello." "We're so sorry for your loss." "My what?" "Ed was a good friend of ours at the country club, and we know how much you meant to him." "Oh,yeah,you know,I've been hearing that a lot from his friends today." "I am just so flattered that he told you all how much I touched him." "This eulogy has got to be great." "Why?" "I thought you said you didn't even like him." "I know.I mean,he was pretty mean to me, but after talking to people here today," "I'm starting to realize how incredibly important i was to him." "Listen,how is this for a start?" ""Edward..." "" edwin." ""Edwin... coleman jr..." "" the third." "Was a native of pittsburgh..." "" cleveland." ""Who was passionate about two things-- the news and his friends." "" Golf and animals." "Okay,gary." "I know you're upset about not being asked to speak, but,listen,it's time to put yourself second." "There's nothing ed hated more than selfish people." "Clowns." "Hey,kelly,I just overheard some of ed's friends." "Are you aware that they all think that you and ed..." "What the hell are you wearing?" "It's a black dress." "Perfectly appropriate for paying respects." "More like paying customers." "I just..." "I just can't get over it." "I didn't think I'd get this emotional, but it's really hitting me hard." "Ed's gone,and I'm never going to see him again." "Marsh,did ed have a twin brother?" "No." "Then who is that guy?" "That's pete seligman." "Then who's ed?" "Ed." "Stop saying the name.That doesn't help me." "How can you not know ed?" "I thought I did." "What did he look like?" "You know,glasses,full head of gray hair,snappy dresser." "Oh,right,ed." "Ed-- he always wore the bow tie and the pinstripe suit... oh,I can't believe i'm never going to see him... okay,I have no idea who's in that box." "Well,it looks like we've come to a bit of a lull with all the games and toys and stuff, so maybe it's time the two of us just have a normal conversation." "A couple of regular people." "Hello,gracie.How you doing?" "Anything?" "No?" "Okay." "What do you want to do?" "Why do you live in a hotel?" "Because it's fun." "People take care of me.They change my sheets,they bring me breakfast." "There's a bar downstairs." "I heard my mom say it's because you're emotionally crippled and you can't attach to anything." "There's a pool." "Do you think you'll ever get married?" "I don't know,it's hard to say." "My mom said you never will because you only care about how girls look, and you're afraid of getting old... okay,let me tell you something about your mom." "She is a wonderful woman,but she would criticize santa for getting snow in the fireplace." "don't believe everything she tells you about me." "Especially the women." "Okay,there's a lot more to me than she gives me credit for." "You were so good last night,I'm stalking you." "I'm kidding!" "About the stalking part." "I've got an hour and I'm back for more." "Well,now's not really a good time... who's that?" "who's that?" "Gracie,I'd like you to meet my friend amber." "And,amber,this is... my friend's daughter,gracie." "I'm just looking after her this afternoon." "Oh,that's so sweet." "Look how cute you are." "How old are you?" "Eleven." "How old are you?" "Oh,god,she's her mother." "Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?" "No,we just..." "we sure are." "What do you mean no?" "What...what about last night when you said,"let's go steady"?" "It's really more of a pacing issue than anything else." "I'm so sorry." "You have no idea what ed meant to me." "And neither do I." "This is crazy." "Okay,come with me." "Where?" "We're gonna take a peek at ed." "What?" "You mean open the coffin?" "No,thank you,ghoul." "Fine.Then give me your phone." "I'll go snap a picture of him and you can stop bellyaching and enjoy the funeral." "Hey,marsh." "We've gotta get good seats for kelly's eulogy." "Half the people here think she was sleeping with ed." "Oh,that's not true." "Ed only told that to his country club friends so they wouldn't find out he was gay." "What?" "Ed was gay?" "The only way I found out,I was working late one night and I went into his office and caught him with his pants down." "Not literally,his pants were on,but he was kissing a guy and his pants were down." "I don't believe this." "So you never felt the need to tell kelly that ed was using her as his cover?" "Well,I was torn about it." "Do I protect the reputation of kelly,my close friend, or do I guard the secret of the old queen with the big gun collection." "Gary." "Did you know that ed was..." "Was what?" "A great italian cook?" "Scared of spiders?" "A quarter portuguese?" "I knew." "I knew everything about him." "You knew he was gay?" "Excuse me." "We're asking that people please take their seats for the service." "Where's my phone?" "It's in a better place." ":" "I just thought we had something real here." "Look,uh... amber..." "I only said that we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend because I didn't want to put you on the spot." "Really?" "So we are?" "Well... look." "I-I tell you what." "I'll,I'll,I'll call you later and we can talk about this." "Really?" "Well... look,gracie,I don't want you to believe all the stuff your mother said about me just because of,uh,an isolated incident that supports her theory." "Why do you care what I think?" "Well,uh,because your... mother and I spend a lot of time together." "And,uh,I..." "I like you,and I want you to like me,too." "Oh." "Now I get it." "That's why you and my mom act so weird with each other." "Why?" "You like her." "No." "No,no,no,no." "No,no,no,no,no." "No. well,look,I-I do like her,but it's-- not that way.Okay?" "Then why did you want to baby-sit me?" "Well,I,uh..." "I might..." "I might want to be a dad some day and,um,I just thought I'D... give it a try,see how i... how I did." "Well,how can you be a dad if you don't even want a girlfriend?" "You certainly ask a lot of questions." "I'm sorry." "I'm bored,okay.There's nothing to do." "I thought hotels were supposed to be fun." "Fine.You want to have fun?" "I'll take you to the funnest room in the whole building." "This is already more fun." "**** were absolutely no signs that ed was... gay." "I mean,we went to steelers games together." "We'd golf.We went fishing." "Didn't you go on that wine- tasting trip to napa last year?" "No,that wasn't last year." "Last year was our theater weekend in new york and our buggy trip to see the leaves change." "Are you hearing any of this?" "I got it on "buggy trip." "" So let's not be sad today." "Let's think of ed smiling down at us with that crooked grin, those big ears,that droopy moustache he would never lose." "do you think ed didn't tell me he was gay because he was afraid i wouldn't accept him?" "Oh,gary,come on." "All those romantic trips?" "Obviously he didn't tell you because he was in love with you." "No,he wasn'T." "Oh,please." "He gave you everything but a ring." "now,our final speaker,miss kelly garr." "This is gonna be great." "What are you talking about?" "You didn't know that either?" "Ed told everyone here he was sleeping with kelly and she has no idea." "What?" "Who were you?" "Ed coleman was a newsman." "If there's one thing he valued,it was the truth." "So I'm not gonna stand here today and sugarcoat things." "I'm gonna tell it like it was." "I guess it's no secret that ed rode me pretty hard." "Go get the car." "He wasn't easy to please,but to be fair, a lot of that was due to my inexperience." "You know,there were times when I didn't think I could take it, but ed always used to say to me,"if this doesn't hurt a little,we're not doing it right." "" You know,people used to watch us go at it in the office, and afterward they would ask me "why do you let him humiliate you like that?" "" I hate to admit it,but the truth was,I needed it." "Okay,time to call it." "Excuse me,kelly." "Uh,one small thing." "Marsh,what are you doing?" "What?" "You're kidding." "I have just been informed that some of you are under the impression that I was romantically involved with ed." "That's not true." "And I have no idea why he would say that." "Really?" "I did not pick up on that." "Thank you!" "Now I know why I was asked to speak today, but I want to say this one thing." "Ed was a good man." "And I would hate to think years from now that all people would remember of this solemn occasion, is that I marred it with a few ill-chosen words." "I think you're in the clear." "I'm sorry I was in such a bad mood before." "I don't like being treated like a baby." "Oh,you don't want those." "Those are wasabi." "I just said I don't like being treated like a baby." "Okay,fine,knock yourself out." "Oh,dear..." "Why would anybody want to eat those?" "It's an acquired taste." "Hey,you're chuck darling." "I watch you all the time." "Thank you." "Is this your daughter?" "Uh,well... uh,yup." "Right,dad?" "Well,it's nice to meet you." "Just wanted to say hi." "Thank you." "I just thought it would look kind of weird if a guy said he was baby-sitting a kid in a bar." "Yeah,true." "You know I don't have a dad,right?" "I'm aware of your situation." "I mean,everyone has a dad,but... mom said she wanted a baby really bad,but... she wasn't in love with anybody." "So they went to the doctor and they made her pregnant." "You,uh... you know anything about your father?" "Well,mom only found out a couple of things." "She says he's smart and handsome and tall,with blue eyes." "I didn't get the blue eyes,but I have a pretty high iq." "Did that sound braggy?" "Because mom said I got that from him,too." "You ever wonder about him?" "Sometimes." "But,my mom and i are like best friends, and I don't know if we'd be like that if I had a dad around." "Well,that'S... that's what matters." "Plus,not having a dad is good for guilting her when I want something." "You might want to play that card now because here comes the law." "This is not what it looks like." "It's just ginger ale." "It's okay." "I'll have a double of whatever he's having." "If you want another one,mom,you just go like this." "Thanks." "So... how'd it go?" "Oh,it was great." "Especially when this crazy girl came..." "We,uh,sang some songs and we played some games." "I told him a little about my dad." "Really?" "He sounds like a pretty great guy." "But I think she got her best qualities from you." "I think he likes you." "Don't eat those."