"(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)" "RICHARD:" "Sue, don't misunderstand me, please." "Sue, I'm not complaining about your work." "I have your latest piece right here in front of me and it's terrific, it's great." "It's just that you were due back here yesterday." "Yeah, but Richard, there's one more story I just have to do." "There's always one more story." "No, but would you listen to this?" "SUE:" "Last month this guy in the Northern Territory was attacked by a crocodile." "The thing bit his leg right off, left him there to die 100 miles from nowhere." "A week later, he crawls out of the bush, gets patched up and disappears." "No interviews, no pictures, nothing." " So?" " I tracked him down." "He runs a safari business out of somewhere called Walkabout Creek." "And his name..." "Get this..." "Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee." "Sue, even if this thing is for real, it could take you weeks to nail him down." "Will you trust me?" "I already made arrangements to meet him." "I've got a chopper meeting the plane at Darwin." "I'll be there tonight." "Well..." "Okay." "I really miss you, darling." "I miss you, too, honey." "Take care now." "Don't worry." "I'm a New Yorker." "(SQUAWKING)" "(HELICOPTER HOVERING)" "Hi." "Walter Reilly, Never Never Safaris." "I'm Mr. Dundee's business partner." "Nice to meet you, Mr. Reilly." "Oh, please, call me Walter." "We're pretty informal in the bush." "No, uh, let me." "There you go." " You all right?" " Yes." "I'm sorry that Mr. Dundee isn't here himself to meet you." "But he is here in town." "Somewhere." "(HELICOPTER HOVERING)" "(DOG BARKING)" "Welcome to Walkabout Creek." "Hmm." "Oh, I took the liberty of booking you into our hotel." "I trust that's in order?" "Sounds just fine." "There's just one other thing." "Uh..." "You did say that you were prepared to pay the $2,500?" "Absolutely." "And I will see where he was attacked and how he survived?" "Miss, I assure you, you're gonna spend a few wonderful days here." "MAN:" "Come on, fellas." "Five bucks, anyone who can make Donk spill it." "So tell me, what's the sideshow all about?" "Oh, that's just the boys having fun and games." "You see, Donk's never spilled a drop." " We're a pretty tough breed up here." " Mmm-hmm." "Ooh!" "And your Mr. Dundee, does he..." "No, no, no. (CHUCKLES) No, no, he's very reserved." "He's a legend up here." "I mean, there he was out there doing a quiet spot of fishing, when all of a sudden..." "Bang!" "This giant crocodile came up, turned him over, bit half his leg off, dragged him down under." "Killed it, of course." "I mean, any normal man would have just turned up his toes and died." "But not our Mick. (CHUCKLES) No." "Hundreds of miles..." "Snake-infested swamps..." "On his hands and knees..." "He crawled right into Katherine." "Straight past the hospital and into the first pub for a beer." "(LAUGHS)" "That story's getting better every time you tell it, Wally." "(LAUGHING)" "No, we handle ourselves pretty well up here in the bush, Miss." "But if you're talking legend..." " (KNIFE WHOOSHING) - (GASPING)" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "Oh, my God!" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "Two beers, Ida." "One for me, one for me mate." "IDA: "One for your mate," you mad bugger." "Oh, hang on." "WALTER:" "I'm sorry if that frightened you, Miss." "You see, it's stuffed." "Him and me both, Wal." "Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee." "Never Never Safaris." "Yeah." "Um, never go outwith us, if you do, you'll never come back." "Right, Wal?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Sue Charlton, Newsday." "Yeah, I thought you might be." "Uh, here, Wal." "Mind Cyril for me while I dance with this charming young lady." "Legend has it a crocodile took half your leg off." "Uh, well, a slight exaggeration." "Um..." "More like a love bite, really." "Anyhow, enough about me leg." "Let me tell you about the rest of me." "Up north in the Never Never, where the land is harsh and bare, lives a mighty hunter named Mick Dundee, who can dance like Fred Astaire." "Smooth shag, eh?" "(CHUCKLES)" "What did you say the name of this clown was?" "Mick Dundee." "He's the bloke that was grabbed by a croc on the Rapid River." "What was he doing up there?" "It's full of crocs." "What do you reckon he was doing?" "Just a bloody poacher, eh?" "Listen, you do understand" "I want you to take me out where you were attacked, show me how you survived." "Oh, well, I don't know, just the two of us out there alone?" "I've got me reputation to think about." "Hey, Dundee." "Where can a man shoot a few crocs around here, eh?" "(LAUGHING)" "How would I know, shit-for-brains?" "Just relax." "Now, come on, Dundee." "Every man and his dog in the joint knows you're nothing but a bloody croc poacher." " (GROANS) - (GLASS SHATTERS)" "IDA:" "You better get your men out of here." "Oh, sorry about that." "But I won't have anyone using bad language in front of a lady." "Bad language?" "Don't come back neither!" "What was he saying about you being a poacher?" "Uh, he was just trying to get a bite, that's all." "Donk, tonight's me lucky night." "You want to have a hit at the guts?" "Here's a go, fellas." "Good on you, Mick." "Come on, guys, put your money on me." "Come on, Mick." "(KISSING)" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "MAN:" "Give me a kiss, Donk." "I'm sorry." "He's not normally like this." "I do apologize." "It's just the drink." "You mean there's a serious side to him?" "Hmm." "I can hardly wait." "WALTER:" "Uh, comfortable, Miss?" "SUE:" "Wonderful country out here." "WALTER:" "We think so." "Well, I hope you're not gonna be the strong, silent type." " Me?" " Reluctant to talk about yourself?" "No." "Favorite subject." "Great." "Why "Crocodile"?" "MICK:" "Wal's idea." "He reckons it makes me more colorful for the tourist business." "SUE:" "How old are you?" "MICK:" "Don't know." "Uh, what year is this?" "SUE:" "You don't know?" "MICK:" "Um, time doesn't mean much up here, Miss." "You see, um, the Aborigines don't have calendars." "I was raised by the local tribe." "I asked one of the tribal elders one day when I was born." "And he said, "In the summertime."" "(BIRDS SCREECHING)" "And is there a Mrs. Crocodile Dundee?" "I was sort of married once." " Nice girl." "Good cook." "Big..." " WALTER:" "Mick!" "Anyway, I went off on walkabout." "When I came back, she'd gone." "A walkabout?" "That's an Aboriginal habit." "It means to, uh, wander around and discover new places." "How long were you gone?" "Couple months." "Try 18." "And she didn't wait?" "Strange girl." "Yeah." "(HONKING)" "Out of the way, dopey!" "(HONKS)" "(SPITS)" "(HUMMING)" "(CAMERA CLICKS)" "(HUMMING)" "Jesus..." "That was amazing." "Mind over matter. (CHUCKLES)" "Old bushman's trick." "(WHISTLING)" "WALTER:" "All right, Miss." "All ashore." "Now, I'm going to leave you in Mick's capable hands, and I'll meet you at the Echo Billabong on Wednesday." "2:20." "We better get started." "2:20." "Yeah." "Yes." "That's the way that we do it in the bush." "Uh, don't you worry, Miss." "He's the best bushman in the territory." "Best pupil I ever had." "You ready, lady?" "Ready as I'll ever be." "Right, well, uh, till Wednesday." " Cheerio." " Wednesday." " What's today, Wal?" " Monday." "Doesn't know." "Doesn't care." "Lucky bastard." " You okay, lady?" " Oh, I'm fine." "It's only about another hour to the river, but you being a sheila, it'll probably take two." "Well, I'll just do the best I can." "Yeah." "The water was running 20 foot up the bank during the wet season." "Here's what's left of me boat." "Now you can see where he sunk his teeth in." "My God." "How big was it?" "Uh, 16, 18 foot, maybe." "And you were out here hunting crocodiles in that?" "Nah, that's illegal." "I was just fishing." "How did you get away?" "Uh, see, crocs don't like fresh meat." "He wasn't trying to eat me on the spot." "He just wanted grab hold of me and take me down for a death roll." "A death roll?" "Yeah." "See, a croc will grab you, take you down to the bottom of the water, and roll you over and over and over till you stop kicking." "Then he'll take you away to his meat safe somewhere." "A rock ledge, log, down under the water and jam you under it..." "Tenderize you a bit." "Good eating." "Anyway, he wasn't happy with the grip he had on me, so he let go to get a better one, and I talked him out of it." "Talked?" "(RATTLE)" "And you were just out here fishing?" "Well, a barramundi's a bloody big fish." "It'll be getting dark soon." "I'll take you to where I camped the first night." "MICK:" "You married?" "SUE:" "Was once..." "To the original rebel." "What happened?" "You name it, we marched..." "Anti-nuke, women's lib, save the whales." "He's probably marching right now for the gay Nazis or something." "Hmm." "Sounds like a prize ratbag." "Oh, he meant well. (DROPS CUP)" "Haven't you ever protested anything?" "Sure." "Every time I get thrown out of the pub." "(CHUCKLES) Come on, I'm serious." "I mean, where would someone like you stand on, say, the nuclear debate?" "What do you think about the arms race?" "None of my business." "None of your business?" "How can you say that?" "It's everybody's business." "Got to have an opinion." "Got to have a voice." "Who's going to hear it out here?" "Okay." "Something closer to home." "Uh..." "The Aborigines." "What do you think about their claims to get the land back?" "Ah, well, you see," "Aborigines don't own the land." "They belong to it." "It's like their mother." "See those rocks sticking up there?" "Been standing up there for 600 million years." "Still be there when you and I are gone." "So arguing over who owns them is like two fleas arguing over who owns the dog they live on." "You see, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)" "Uh... (GASPS)" "Aborigines, well, like all God's creatures, they just want the right to roam across the earth and be left in peace." "(SNAPPING)" "It's that..." "Oh, it's a king brown." "Poisonous?" "Oh, yeah." "Deadly." "Not bad eating, but always give me gas." "Uh, listen, are there any more of those around?" "Oh, maybe the odd one late at night." "But stick close to me, you'll be all right." "(ZIPPING SLEEPING BAG)" "Yeah, you're probably right, a man should have an opinion." " I..." "Shh!" " What?" "Hmm." "Thought I heard something." "No, it's nothing." "Good night." "(GUNSHOT)" "(ENGINE REVVING)" "Mick?" "(GUNSHOTS)" "(GUNSHOT)" "(GUNSHOTS)" "(SHOUTING)" "(GASPS)" " (GASPS)" " It's only me." "Dangerous bastards." "It's those city cowboys." "What are you going to do?" "Nothing." "Why?" "Why?" "They're shooting these poor kangaroos for fun." "There's no law against that." "Keep your head down." "Stay here." "(GUNSHOT)" "(SHOUTING) Hey." "Ah, I need a piss." "I need a piss!" "Yeah, and a straighter rifle." "You're as useless as tits on a bull, Duffy!" "Shh!" "Shut up, you guys." " Hey, Trevor." " What?" "Trevor, get the spotlight over here, mate." " Eh?" " The spotlight!" "TREVOR:" "Can't you see where you're aiming?" "Shut up!" "Not on me, you silly bugger, on the bushes." "Hey..." "Hey, look at this big cheeky bugger." "Hey!" "It's got a gun!" "(GUNSHOT)" "Shit!" "Get out of here!" "Get going!" "(LAUGHING) Whoo-hoo!" "Good one, skippy." "(CLICKS)" "(SQUAWKING)" "(SUE CLEARS THROAT)" "Despite the rugged beauty of this land, there's a sort of strange emptiness about it." "(INSECT BUZZING)" "A feeling of being so alone." "Yeah, but you're not alone." "I'm here, aren't I?" "Yeah, but..." "I think I know how you must have felt..." "Or how I'd feel if I were out here alone." "You..." "Out here alone?" "(CHUCKLE) That's a joke." "A city girl like you..." "You wouldn't last five minutes, love." "This is man's country out here." "That's right." "I'm only a sheila." "We're heading for that escarpment today, right?" "Yeah." "Okay." "See you there this afternoon." "Hey!" "If you're gonna go, take the gun with you." "If you get into trouble, fire a couple of shots in the air." "That's the dangerous end." "(COCKS RIFLE)" "So it is." "Hmm." "(BREATHING HEAVILY)" "(BUSHES RUSTLING)" "(BUSHES RUSTLING)" "(WHISTLES SOFTLY)" "(THUD)" "(SCREAMS)" "(GROANS)" "(GROANS)" "It's all right." "It's over." "(SOBBING)" "Hey." "Hey." "I got you." "I got you." "Is it dead?" "Well, if it isn't, I'm gonna have a hell of a job skinning the bastard." "Well, you were right." "Definitely no place for a city girl." "Ah, I don't know." "From what Wal's told me, living in the city can be just as dangerous." "Haven't you ever lived in a city?" "Never been to a city." " You're kidding." " No." "Cities are crowded, right?" "If I went and lived in some city, I'd only make it worse." "Here." "Try this." "Do you want me to have a look at that?" "It's just a scratch." "Yeah, well, a scratch can turn septic out here." "Give us a look." "It's all right." "Shh." "Now what?" "Oh, Christ." "It's like living with Davy Crockett." "Mick?" "(TWIG SNAPS)" "Mick." "(SIGHS) Ah, Mick." "You frightened shit out of me." "So I ought to, mate." "Sneaking up on a man when he's rendering first-aid to a lady." "Ah." "Is that what you were doing?" "It's all right." "It's a mate of mine." "Neville Bell." "Sue Charlton." "G'day, Sue." "What are you doing wandering around here in the scrub, Nev?" "I'm on my way to a corroboree over at the Jabba." "It's a bloody drag, but still my dad get angry if I don't show up." "See, Nev's a real city boy, but his dad's a tribal elder." "Oh, no." "You can't take my photograph." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "You believe it will take your spirit away." "No." "You got lens cap on." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Crikey, Mick." "I better get going." " Nice to meet you, Sue." " Bye, Nev." "MICK:" "I'll catch up with you, Nev." "What's happening?" "I better go with Nev and have a chat with the Pintinjarra." "Oh, can I come?" "No way." "Women are strictly taboo at these turnouts." "How does he find his way in the dark?" "He thinks his way." "A lot of people believe that they're telepathic." "(CRUNCH) NEV:" "Ooh!" "Oh, I hate the bush." "(CHUCKLES)" "(ABORIGINAL CHANTING)" "How did you know?" "Are you telepathic?" "Nah." "Common sense." "You're a woman." "You're a reporter." "That makes you the biggest busybody in the world." "I can live with that." "That croc was gonna eat me alive." "Oh, I wouldn't hold that against him." "Same thought crossed my mind once or twice." "Good night, Mick." "Hmm." "MICK:" "Of course, it took me a week to crawl this far." "I thought I was a goner." "Said to meself, "Mick, old son"," ""find yourself a nice, comfortable spot"" ""and lay down and die."" "SUE:" "Weren't you afraid?" "MICK:" "Of dying?" "Nah." "I read the Bible once." "You know God and Jesus and all them apostles?" "They were all fishermen, just like me." "Yep." "Straight to heaven for Mick Dundee." "Yep." "Me and God..." "We'd be mates." "This is Echo Lake." "I reckon this place saved me life." "That's mineral water." "Means no crocs." "More tucker here than you could poke a stick at." "Tucker?" "Food." "You hungry?" " Starving." " I'll get lunch." "(CRACKLING)" "How do you like your goanna?" "Medium?" "Well done?" "You don't really expect me to eat that?" "Yeah, it's great." "Here, try some of those yams." "Try the grubs and the sugar ants." "Just bite the end off." "They're really sweet." "Black fellas love them." "What about you?" "Aren't you having any?" "Me?" "Ah, Well..." "You can live on it..." "But it tastes like shit." "(LAUGHING)" "Mick." "When I go back, why don't you come with me?" "What for?" "Well, it would make a great wrap to the story..." "You in New York City." "Oh." "For a minute there I thought you were making a pass at me." "Well, I might have been." "Would you mind?" "(MAN EXCLAIMS)" "Bloody Wally." "He's only been here a dozen times." "He's probably lost." "Did you, uh..." "You got wind or something, Wal?" "(GIGGLING)" "I want Mick to come back to New York with me." "Mick?" "In a big city?" "No chance." "Paper would pay." "Well, a man should broaden his horizons." "Everything Okay?" "Oh, yeah." "No worries." "MICK:" "Jesus Christ!" "Sue!" "Sue!" "Sue." "G'day, mate!" "You look absolutely stunning." " Welcome home." " Thanks." "Here, let me get this." "Oh..." "Where's the man from the backwoods?" "Oh, God." "We got separated in customs." "He almost started a riot when they wanted to look through his suitcase." "Ah, there he is." "RICHARD:" "So, that's Jungle Jim." "RICHARD:" "New York City, Mr. Dundee." "Home to seven million people." "MICK:" "That's incredible." "Imagine seven million people all wanting to live together." "Yep." "New York must be the friendliest place on earth." "G'day!" "Mick Dundee from Australia." "How are you?" "I'm fine." "How are you?" "I think..." "Good." "Just came down for a couple of days." "Probably see you around." "Fine." "We went from there..." "I don't know, I think..." "Thank you, Gus." " You'll take care of the luggage?" " Yes, sir." "That's it." "Hey." "Thanks for the lift, mate." "No problem." "What tribe are you, Gus?" "Tribe?" "Man, I ain't from no tribe." "You're a black feller, aren't you?" "Last time I looked." "No one in our tribe's got a flash car like this." "You must be doing all right, eh?" "I'll get a cab back to the office." "Do you want to eat somewhere special tonight?" "Well, I thought Tucano's would be nice." "Tucano's. 7:30?" "Mmm." "Great." " Bye." " Okay." "Table for three." "(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)" "(PHONE RINGING)" "Sir?" "No worries." "SUE:" "Well, what do you think?" "Oh, it's a bit rough, but I'll manage." "Hey, how many of us are staying here?" "(CHUCKLES) Just you." "I've got my own apartment downtown." "Oh, sorry, Mick Dundee." "I didn't catch the name." " Angelo." " Pleased to meet you, Angelo." "I got it." "Here you go." "Got to pay for the room in advance, have we?" "You're in m town now, trust me." "SUE:" "Yeah." "Can I get the direct dialing code for Australia?" "You should be comfortable." "Everything's here." "There's a TV if you get bored." "MICK:" "Ah, television." "Yeah, I saw that at Darkie Johnson's place years ago." "(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)" "Yep, that's what I saw." "Right." "Okay, thanks." "So, I'm writing down Wally's number and my office number." "Hey, Sue, come here, look at this!" "Some nitwit's put two dunnies in here." "One dunny, one bidet." " Bidet?" " Mmm." "It's for..." "After you..." "You know." "You figure it out." "See you at seven." "Yeah." "(WHISTLES)" "For washing your backside, right?" "G'day." "(CHUCKLES)" "G'day." "G'day." " Hello." " G'day." "MICK:" "G'day." "Sorry." "G'day." "Ooops!" "Shit." "(TIRES SQUEAL)" " Take it easy, Mick." " Thanks, mate." " Ta." " Bye." " G'day." " Yes, sir." "MAN:" "Good evening." "Follow me, please." " Hello." " Um." " Sorry we're late." " (KISSES)" " Been waiting long?" " Oh, I arrived early, eager to spend time with my girl." "So, what are we drinking?" "Uh, two vodka martinis, and what's yours, crocodile?" "Yeah, I'll have two of those, and a beer, thanks." "Could you send them through to our table, Matt?" "You have been here awhile." "Let's eat." "Now this will be quite a novelty for you, Mick." "Eating something without having to kill it first. (CHUCKLES)" "Shall we?" " Ah, Roberto." " Good evening, Mr. Mason." "I can see you got some friends." "Follow me, please." "Thank you." "You know I had almost forgotten what a sexy-looking lady you are." "I'll gonna have to find a way of keeping you in town." "Oh, I think we can work something out." "Really?" "Yes, what?" "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "Listen, uh, you two should really be alone." "Sorry, Mick." "It's just that we haven't seen each other in six weeks." "Well, that's all the more reason..." "Oh, there's no way I'd leave you alone on your first night in New York." "Richard and I want you with us." "Right." "Absolutely." "Ah, New York is no place for a country gent." "I mean, ain't no crocodiles out there, but a fast-moving Chevy sure make a mess of you. (LAUGHS)" "(SCOFFS)" "What's your game?" "Great." "I'm starving." "Ha ha!" "Grazie, Roberto." "(SPEAKING ITALIAN)" "Thank you." "Um, perhaps I should order for all of us, right?" "I mean, I don't imagine that they have any..." "Kangaroo steak or possum grits!" "SUE:" "Oh, don't worry about Mick." "He can make a gourmet meal out of just about anything." "Even medium-rare goanna." "It was great, wasn't it, eh?" "And what about the yams?" "Oh, yes." "They were great." "Well, that's..." "That's wonderful." "As he's our guest, perhaps he'd like to order for all of us." "Oh, wait a minute." "I'll do that." "No, it's..." "It's all right." "I'll have a lash." " Italian, eh?" " RICHARD:" "Yes." "I don't know what you call it, but I'd like to look at that dish out there the big fat sheila's eating." "Richard!" "He okay?" "Can't handle his drink, poor fella." "SUE:" "He said you hit him." "You're not in the pub at Walkabout Creek now." " He was being a pain." " That's beside the point." "You're not serious about this lemon, are you?" "Butt out, Dundee!" "He had a little too much to drink." "Richard is warm, caring, and I love him, okay?" " Excuse me." " What?" "I think I'm going to throw up." "God." " You want a hand?" " No." "I can handle it." "RICHARD:" "I'm fine." "Listen, we've got a busy day tomorrow, so get some sleep." "I'll pick you up early." " Good night." " Good night." " I think you better take me to the boozer." " Boozer?" "Don't know that one." "Pub." "You know, somewhere to get a drink." " Want to join me?" " I just finished my shift." "Why not?" " Fancy a drink, do you?" " You kidding?" "I'm Italian." "I'd drink you under the table any day, my friend." "Well, that could be interesting." "MICK:" "No, I'm not putting down your black widow spider, but the funnel-web spider can kill a man in eight seconds, just by looking at him." "(LAUGHS)" "MICK:" "Of course, the real danger down there is the sharks, though, the big ones, you know, like Jaws?" "I caught one down there about three weeks ago." "Got it opened." "Know what we found inside it?" "Three Filipino fishermen..." " Still in their boat." " Hey, buzzy!" "Come on over, meet this guy from Australia." "Hey, my man, what's happening?" "Uh, where?" "What's goin' down, bro?" "Goin' down?" "Ah, yeah." "Just blowing the froth off a couple." "All right!" "Hang loose, my man." " Flat out like a lizard drinking." " Say what?" "What?" "(LAUGHS)" "He's cool." "Yeah." "I'm cool." "I'm cool." "All right!" "All right!" "(CHUCKLING)" "He's a nice fellow." "Here's my little Italian mate, Danny." "Just in time to buy another round, too, mate." "What are you drinking, Gwendoline?" "Ah, no more for me." "Thanks, Mick." "I must be getting on home." "Oh." "Where's, uh..." "Where's home, sweetie?" "Just around the corner." "I have a little place where I live all by my lonesome." "Not now." " Most of the time, that is." " Oh." "Must, uh..." " Must get a bit lonely, eh?" " (GIGGLING)" "Hanker for a bit of, uh, male company?" "Do I ever." "Hey, come here." "Uh, excuse me, Gwendoline." "Don't go away, love." "I have been trying to tell you all night." "That girl, she's a guy." "Huh?" "A man dressed up as a girl." "Nah." "A fag, for Christ's sakes!" "I swear." "(GIGGLING)" "Oh!" "(CROWD LAUGHING)" "Hey..." "That was a guy." "A guy dressed up like a sheila." "Look at that." "Hey, you all knew, you pack of bastards." "(LAUGHTER)" "Hey!" "Ah!" "Where the hell did I leave the cab?" "MICK:" "Don't know." "You wait here until I go look for it, mate." "Righto, mate." "G'day, girls." "Mick Dundee from Australia." "Looking for a good time, honey?" "Always looking for a good time." "Are either of you ladies attached or married or anything like that?" "(GIGGLES)" "No." "We're both single ladies." "(GIGGLING)" "This is Karla." "I'm Simone." "Where you from, honey?" "I'm from Walkabout Creek in the Northern Territory." "You probably don't know where that is." "Hey." "I do." "You're the guy I've been reading about in the paper, the "Crocodile Man."" "I've been reading about him in the paper." "He's like a regular Tarzan." "Wrestles crocodiles, eats snakes." "Is this your first trip to New York?" "First trip anywhere." "Well, hell." "We might just have to give you one for free." "(GIGGLING)" "Yeah." "One what?" "(GIGGLING)" "Huh." "Ah, maybe we could take in a movie or, you know, go to a dance or..." "Hey, girls, girls." "Are we working tonight or are we socializing?" "Hey, pal." "I was just talking to the ladies and making a bit of progress." "Are you going to talk all night, my man, or you going to screw one of them?" "(WOMEN SCREAM)" "Listen, I'm sorry about that, but if you stand around out the front of a place like this, you're going to hear that kind of bad language." "I should've been home hours ago." "Nice chatting to you, ladies." "MICK:" "Hey, come on, Dan." "You're in no condition to drive." "Hop in, mate." "That's why you have so many accidents over here..." "The steering wheel's on the wrong side of the car." "MICK:" "Get out of the way, dopey!" "(HORNS HONKING) Get on the right side of the road, you pelican!" "(WHISTLING)" "If I give my heart to you" "Then I'll have none and you'll have two" "(MICK GARGLING)" "(WHISTLING)" "Señor Mick?" "Ah." "The towels for Señor Mick." "Is that you, Rosita?" "MICK:" "Just leave the spare towels on the bed, will you?" "Muchas gracias, love." "Si, Señor Mick." "Struth!" "Um..." "Hey, listen, uh..." "Rosita, uh..." "I was only being friendly." "MICK:" "You know, I didn't mean, um..." "Your towels, Señor Mick." "Oh." "Phew." "(CHUCKLES)" "(SIGHS)" "For a minute there, um..." "Room service took on a whole new meaning." "(WHISTLES)" "(CAMERA CLICKING)" "One dog, please." "SUE:" "With chili, onions, sauerkraut, and some peppers." "There you go." "MICK:" "You eat that?" "Well, you know, you can live on it, but it tastes like shit." "(GROWLS)" "(BUZZING)" "(SCREAMS) My bag!" "Somebody stop him!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "(SHRIEKS)" "(GROANS)" "(APPLAUSE)" "WOMAN:" "Hey, Mick!" "How you doing, baby?" "It's me, Simone!" "Oh, yeah, Simone." "Having a good time?" "As always." "Nice girl." "Thoughtful, too..." " Dancing with her father." " Hmm." "You'll have to overcome this" " country boy shyness, Dundee." " Hi." "Yeah." "Oh, there's someone I want you to meet." "(CHUCKLING)" "Ah!" "Sue, darling!" "You're back." "How wonderful." "Fran, how are you?" "Couldn't be better." "Tell me, who's the new man?" "This is the man I'm writing about, Mick Dundee." "Oh!" "Something the matter, darling?" "Oh!" "(GASPS)" "Hi." "Pleased to meet you." "It's okay." "He's Australian." "(IN MALE VOICE) Maybe I'd better go there someday." "Oh, darling, I'm so glad you could come." "Excuse me." "Ah." "Just making sure." "Right." "I'll get us a drink." "It's good shit." "(MAN SNIFFING)" "What's up, pal?" "Got a blocked nose, have you?" "Blocked nose." "Right." "There's a better way of doing it than that." "Better way, huh?" "Yep." "It's the way we do it back home." "It really fixes us up." "Now, boil the water, get the steam going." "Right." "Put your face right over that." "And the old tea towel over your scalp." "Put your head right down onto that." "Breathe it in real deep." "(MAN BREATH ES DEEPLY)" "Ten minutes of that, you'll be clear as a bell." "No worries." "Get into it." "(SNIFFS)" "That will do it." "You know, Mick, that was probably a couple hundred dollars' worth of cocaine." "(CHUCKLES)" "What's that?" "Oh." "It's a drug." "You sniff it." "What for?" "Well, to get a buzz." "What, like shoving a blowfly up your nose?" "(CHUCKLES)" "WALTER:" "Got the photo, Mick." "I look great." "(LAUGHS) Yeah." "Ida sends love." "Wait a minute." "Donk wants to have a word to you." "Mick!" "Get stuffed!" "(LAUGHS)" "Very good." "How you getting on with the New Yorkers, Mick?" "MICK:" "Oh, bonzer people." "Friendly, full of beans, but, uh, a bit weird." "WALTER:" "Well, that's the joys of traveling." "Uh." "When are you coming home, mate?" "Well, if you can manage, Wal, I'd like to stay a while." "Oh, yeah." "No troubles at all." "Wouldn't have anything to do with a certain lady writer, would it?" "(CHUCKLES) Yeah, well, to start with, she's a better kisser than Donk." "(LAUGHS) You little beauty." "Keep in touch." "Yeah." "No worries, Wal." "Ta-ta." "(LAUGHS)" "Come on, Wal, what'd he say?" "Well, he wants to stay there a little while longer." "He wants me to take care of things here." "You got a light, buddy?" "Yeah." "Sure, kid." "There you go." "And your wallet." "SUE:" "Mick, give him your wallet." " What for?" " He's got a knife." "(CHUCKLES) That's not a knife." "That's a knife." "Shit!" "Just kids having fun." "Are you all right?" "I'm always all right when I'm with you, Dundee." "(CHUCKLES) God, that sounds corny." "Why do you always make me feel like Jane in a Tarzan comic?" "(SOFT TARZAN YELL)" "That's what we ran while you were down under." "Sorry." "Can't seem to get my mind in gear." "Sue, when you were away," "I, uh..." "I did some thinking." "It's time I made some concrete plans." "Are you building a freeway or proposing to the finest catch in New York state?" "Hello, young lady." "Been reading your articles." "It seems you've been tripping all over the world, enjoying yourself at our expense." "Well, I'd like to think you're getting your money's worth." "Hi, Dad." "You got a kiss for the old man?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Thank God you're home safe." "Have you told Sue about Sunday?" "Oh, I was just about to." "You're coming out to the weekend house for a welcome home dinner." "But, right now, I want Richard to explain how he runs this newspaper better than I do" " when I'm away." " (CHUCKLES)" "By all means, bring along this, uh, Crocodile Dundee." "Him, I've got to meet." "MICK:" "I thought you said your dad sells newspapers." "SUE:" "Oh, well..." "RICHARD:" "He sells a lot of newspapers." "Thank you, Gus." "(DOGS BARKING)" "Oh, hell." "The dogs are out." "Mick." "(DOGS CONTINUE BARKING)" "(SNARLING)" "(HUMMING)" "(DOGS GROWL)" "(DOGS GROWL)" "(MELLOW PIANO PLAYING)" "SIMPSON:" "Nice to see you again, Miss." "Mr. Mason." "SUE:" "Good to see you looking so fit and well." "Simpson, Mr. Dundee." "Nice to meet you, Simo." "Call me Mick." "Mick." "Ahem." "Your father's expecting you, Miss." "He's waiting with his guests in the lounge." "(INDISTINCT CHATTING AND LAUGHING)" "Oh, excuse me." " Hi, pumpkin." " Hi, Dad." " Richard." " Good to see you." "And this of course is Mr. Dundee." "Yep." "I believe I'm deeply in your debt for saving my daughter's life." "Well, um..." "Buy me a cold beer, and we'll call it quits." "(CHUCKLES)" "Nice joint you got here." "Well, it keeps the rain off our heads." "Come." "I want you to meet some people." "Patricia, a drink for Mr. Dundee." "Oh, my God, look who's here." " My Dawn." " How are you?" "Dorothy and Wendell Wainwright." "From Australia." " Oh." " Nice to meet you, Wendell." "Mick." "Have a drink." "Thank you." "Are you involved in cattle, Mr. Dundee?" "Yeah." "Mostly buffaloes." " Oh." " Do you breed them?" "No, I just toss them." "And how are you finding New York?" " Bit of a lunatic asylum, eh?" " Oh." "That's why I love it, 'cause I fit right in." "(LAUGHING) if you'll excuse me, I'd like Mick to say hello to Senator Manly." "That's a good idea." " It was nice meeting you." " See you later." "Seems like a personable fellow." "What a strange gentleman." "Nice people." "Dorothy's fine now, but she used to be really uptight." "What happened?" "She found a wonderful shrink." "Psychiatrist." "I shouldn't have made that crack about the lunatic asylum." "Didn't know she was nuts." "(CHUCKLES) Of course, she's not nuts." "People go to a psychiatrist to talk about their problems." "She just needed to unload them." "You know, bring them out in the open." "Hasn't she got any mates?" "You're right." "Guess we could all use more mates." "I suppose you don't have any shrinks at Walkabout Creek?" "No." "Back there, if you got a problem, you tell Wally." "And he tells everyone in town, brings it out in the open, no more problem." "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)" "Richard!" "You could make it this evening." "Wendell, good to see you." "And I don't believe I know your daughter." " Oh, stop it!" " Oh, Richard!" "(LAUGHS)" "(TAPPING GLASS)" "Ladies and gentlemen." "Friends." "Welcome home, Sue." "(APPLAUDING)" "As..." "As you can see, we're all glad to have you back." "Of course, no one more than I." "I guess everyone in this room knows how this beautiful lady and I I feel about each other." "Sue's come back to us, delivered, literally, out of the jaws of death by our new-found friend, Mr. Michael J. Dundee." "A man..." "A man to whom I am doubly indebted." "Of course, not only did he bring back to me the woman that I love, but he managed to increase the circulation of the newspaper in the process." "(LAUGHTER)" "You know, uh..." "Sam said to me earlier," ""You're her editor."" ""Can't you stop her from taking all these dangerous assignments?"" "Well, quite obviously, I have not had a great deal of success influencing her as her editor." "Perhaps I'll have more success as her husband." " If she'll have me." " Oh, Richard." "(ALL APPLAUDING)" "Congratulations." "It's a pleasure having you here to share this." "Well done." "Well done." "Thank you very much." "I couldn't have done it without your help." "SAM:" "Sweetheart?" "I'll get in the back, Gus." " To the hotel, Mick?" " (SIGHS)" "Yeah, Gus, by way of a liquor store." "For medicinal purposes." "Thanks, mate." "GUS:" "Hey, you take care, now." "Hey, buddy." "Get it into you, pop." "God bless you." "You saved my life, really." "Hey, Simone." "You want some action?" "Uh, I thought you were somebody else." "Well, if it ain't the man who don't like bad fucking language in front of ladies." "What's the matter, Aussie boy?" "You going to make like a kangaroo and hop away?" "(BUZZING)" "(GRUNTING)" "Time for a little tap dance." "(TIRES SQUEALING)" "(YELLS)" "(GRUNTS)" "You okay, Mick?" "Oh, yeah, Gus." "No worries." "I was just getting on top of them." "You sure you're not Pintinjarra tribe?" "(CHUCKLES) No, man." "Harlem Warlords." "(LAUGHS)" "I knew you were tribal." "Mick Dundee's room, please." "(TELEPHONE RINGS)" "(GUNSHOTS ON TV)" "(TV DROWNS OUT TELEPHONE)" "WOMAN:" "I'm sorry." "He's still not answering." "Uh, he called down this morning to say he was checking out today." "We're going to miss him around here." "Thanks." "Thank you, sir." "G'day, Irving." "How are you, mate?" "Oh, yeah." "I wouldn't be dead for dollars." "Close." "Are you leaving us, Mick?" "You going back home?" "Ah, no." "I thought I'd go Walkabout." "Huh?" "Wander around, take a look at America." "For how long?" "Long as it takes." "What's the quickest way out of town?" "Well, if you're looking for adventure, there's a subway two blocks that way." "It'll take you to Grand Central Station." "That'll do." "Uh..." "Have a nice day, Oiving." "Uh, no worries, mate." "(CHUCKLES)" " Morning, Miss." " Morning." "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" "No, but it will come to me." "Incidentally, Miss, if you're looking for Crocodile Mick, he's gone walkabout." "I don't suppose you know where?" "Yeah." "He's headed for the subway two blocks down." "You'd better hurry." "Mind this for me." "Oh, Christ." "Hey, lady, where you going?" "If you want to play, why don't you play with me?" "(GRUNTS)" "Mick!" "Mick Dundee!" " Ooowweee!" " MAN:" "What's up, lady?" "I got to talk to that man down the end." "The one in the black hat." "Hey!" "Lady here wants to talk to the guy in the black hat!" "Hey, fella!" "(WHISTLES)" "You in the hat!" "The lady down the end wants to see you!" "What does she want?" "What does she want?" "What do you want?" "Tell him not to leave." "I'm not going to marry Richard." "Tell him don't leave." "She's not going to marry Richard." "Don't leave." "I'm not going to marry Richard." "Why not?" "I don't know." "Why not?" "Why not?" "Tell him I love him." "I love you!" "I love ya!" "I love ya!" "I love ya!" "She loves me. (CHUCKLES)" "Well?" "Um, tell her I..." "I'll tell her meself." "I'm coming through." "He's coming through!" "He's coming through!" "It's too crowded." "We're jammed in like sheep." "Up, up, up." "MAN:" "Coming through!"