"Passport, please." "What is the purpose of your visit?" " I'm an actor, douche bag." " I'm a psychic superstar." " I'm a documentary filmmaker." " I'm here to win prizes, sweet cheeks." " Are you traveling alone?" "Uh, no." "I've got me mum in here." "What these three men don't realize... is that fame and fortune are fleeting." "It's stupidity that's eternal." "Welcome to La La Land." "Chico?" "Yes, Mr. Shirley?" " Do you know who that is there?" " John Lennon." "What the spirit is saying to me, sometimes this card-- it means that you might end up getting assassinated." "Would you understand?" "Yeah, I understand." "Okay." "Ah, Rock Hudson." "AIDS." "Hello?" "How much money?" "How much money?" "How much money?" "Uh, yeah, how much money are you" "No." "Uh, two hundred dollar?" "Uh-huh." "No, no, no!" "No!" "No!" "No?" "No." "Don't lose it." "You need to say something like" ""Don't bullshit me, bitch." "What have you got?"" "Do something like that." "Ay, I don't" " Okay." "Intimidate her." "Go on." "Don't bullshit me, you know, because" "No, no." "He no working for less than a thousand dollar." "All right, I'll do it!" "Tell 'em I'll do it." "Okay." "Okay." "Hold on." "So you pour beer over ice?" "Dean Martin taught me to do that." "After a series of setbacks," "Gary is reassessing his approach to cracking Hollywood." "Anyway, let's go back to how you walk into a room... or how you walk out on a stage." "I just go in, I'm, like" "No, you don't just go and do" "Right." "That's most unattractive." "Jesus, Mrs. L, you got a bit of a" " Stop acting!" "Oh, I-I" " You know why?" "Because I care. a bite on ya." "I know, but" " I care that you not make an ass out of yourself." "I'm thinkin', if I go in, I'm, like" "If you go in, just be yourself." "But learn how to project that self." "But you think I need better togs?" "There's a fella that I want you to see... and maybe, just maybe, might be able to help you, so go see him and we'll talk." "Okay." "Cool." "Are you" " Hi." " Are you Bobby?" " Yes." "You must be Gary." "How are you?" "Have a seat." "Have a seat." "Yeah." "All right." "I am America's leading paragon of style... and ultimate cultural immortality dazzler and eclipser." "There's only one Bobby Trendy." "I'm sorry." "Are you startled by my" " I'm startled." "Yeah." "A little bit." "You know." "My name says itself." "Bobby Trendy." "You can Google that all day and night." "Right." " Millions of images will pop up." "So many people would love to be me, so many of 'em." "Are you one of those" "Go-- girls up top, you know, and all lumpy down below?" "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no." "These are just fancy clothes." "I'm just a boy." "I like fancy things." "Oh, yeah." "Okay?" "Is this Ruta?" "Is she behind this?" "We're gonna help you." "It's Punk'd, innit?" "Ashton Kutcher's gonna come out" "This is for real." "We're here to help you." "Very good!" "Very good!" "Right." "You can come out, Ruta!" "She's done this, ain't she?" "Put you up, got you all dressed up silly, got you comin' here." "I'm not havin' a makeover by a little child... dressed as a medieval time traveler." "Right." "A child ain't gonna tell me what to wear." "We're" "We're gonna help you." "This is" "Who's doin' this?" " The audition lines are around the corner, everyone." "Is this Punk'd?" " Bring that little bitch back here." "Downtown, Brendan has begun work on his most ambitious idea yet." "He plans to build a hotel for the homeless in just one day and film the process." "Architect Richard Best has agreed to design Brendan's hotel." "I'm interested in making a hotel for homeless, and I thought "Hobtel"- You've got "Hotel"" "So you've got Hob... tel, basically." "Tel." "If there was an "O" on there, that would be "Hobo." Right, right, right." "Okay." "I think I would shy away from "hobo"-- the "hobo" word." "It's a hotel, hoboes-- "Hobtel." Thought that kind of would be a catchy thing... that the public could kind of grab onto but" " Um" "Okay." "Um, look." "Rather than patronize these people," "I went into the streets armed with some crayons and some beers, and I got them to just etch down what they thought." "I need to see that." "Well, that's what I think we should look at." "I mean, these are quite basic." "There's one in particular that I was thinking" " Oh, those are great." "And this is quite an inventive idea." "This is a beer can." "Yes, it is." "It's just to show" " Well" "Let's look at what else it presents, right?" "I mean, this is something they're- this person's very familiar with-- beer." "Yep." "Right." "So he's communicating through the use of that." "I mean, this is taking it to an extreme." "It's not one that I feel we could even do." "Mm-hmm." "What is the connective tissue amongst all of these... is habitation and flexibility." " Yep." " Oh, that's" " That's cool." "Uh, it looks cool, but it's" " I wouldn't touch" " Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Just in case." "Okay." "Thank you." "Oh, bloody hell." "There's some of your" " There's some of our population right there, as we speak." "Put that in your pocket." "What is that?" " It's a Mace spray, if they do come over." "When you press this down, it just jets, like, a spray in their face." "Okay." "It'll just knock them back." "Okay." "You just spray them." "Outside of the filming, tell me the rest of the schedule." "How long are you shooting this, when else could we" " The whole day." "The whole day?" "One day?" "We can go all the way through." "Right the way up to nightfall, have a party." "These guys can bring all their friends." "And at the end of today, it's done." "It's done." "In Studio City, Shirley is preparing for his performance... in tonight's psychic showcase." "For me, could we do some flickering of the lights, like that, so it looks like spirits have got into the building?" "Yes." "Do you want it to come on when you come out?" " Right." "Okay." " So, uh" " What kind of" " Do we have total control" "I may if I'm inspired to." "I just thought that" " Okay." "That's a lovely shirt." "Oh, thank you." "Lovely." "Hi, guys." "How do you do?" "Hi." "Good." " Hi." "Jack." " Hi, Jack." "Can I just say, I'm a huge fan." "Thank you." "Now, you're from England?" "Yes." "Well, just outside of Manchester." "Oldham." "So are you wearing the amethyst to ward off negativity?" "You are wise, as I sit there with mine." "Oh, whoa!" "My God!" "Of course, honey." "That's gorgeous." "Oh, yes." "Wow." "Aren't these fun?" "But no, it wards off negativity, and it's also-- promotes your psychic ability." "I have, uh, two raw ones in a sack." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "So you say." "I do have them." "'Cause I say, you stick one in your pocket when you're reading." "That's right." "Jack?" "Can I see your amethyst?" "Yeah." "My God." "That is huge." "One in each pocket?" "Yep." "They are lovely." "Really." "Not the first person to touch my amethyst and call them lovely." "You are so bloody... flirty." "Oh, no." "Yes, you are." "So you doing makeup?" "Yeah." "How 'bout you run along, give us boys some time alone to collect our thoughts?" "Yeah, I can" " Well, we're just going to eat now." "After she's done, we're going to eat." "Oh, are we?" "Yeah." "But now." "I mean right now." "Just to give us a bit of time." "I'll just step around the corner." "What?" "Oh, no, no." "I'm just playing." "I'm just teasing." "Would you wanna exchange numbers?" "No, no, no." "I'm" " I'm straight." "Sorry?" "I'm straight." "Yeah." "I am." "Honest to God." "Totally serious." "I'm straight too." "Uh, no." "I am." "I am, actually." "Okay." "I'm completely straight." "I keep getting... you putting thoughts in my head, if you know what I mean." "I'm putting thoughts in your head?" "You know" "No, I don't know." "Let's put your collar straight." "There we go." "You look bloody gorgeous." "That looks great." "There we go." "Backatthesite," "Brendan is in talks with the president of Fatburger... about building a restaurant in his hotel for the homeless." "I'm not building a restaurant." "We're not building a restaurant." "I can't do that, and I want that understood." "Let's do it, and then we can just shake." "But I can't." "Okay." "And we're rolling?" "So what are you gonna do for us today?" "I can't do that today" "And cut." "So if you just do that bit where you do all that" "But" " My guys are gonna come in, and roll it, Kiki." "I can't." "I'm not going to commit" "So what is going to happen" " No, don't say that." "I know, but I can't give- I'm the" " I'm the" "That's not gonna work." "Just a minute" "Okay." "Can we cut that?" "Cut that." "Cut that." "I'm not gonna commit to $400, 000 or $500,000" "If you'd just say it- and be held responsible six months" "I can't say it." "I'm not going to say that." "I'm not gonna say that." "So we're building this today, and what are you guys gonna do?" "I can't." "I can't." "Kiki, roll it." "Okay." "I can't." "So, uh, what's going on?" "What's going on?" "I think that you have a great idea." "Thank you very much, so much." "Okay." "And I think what you need to do" "So you're bringin' your guys in, and we're gonna" "I can't commit today- God!" "Can we cut this?" "I want you to understand" " Can you do some noddies, Kiki?" "Can you come around?" "And nod?" "Just look at me and nod, and then say, "I'm in."" " I'll help you get this idea- " " No, no, no, no!" "I can't" " Just say, "I'm in." "" Say, "We're in."" "Something like- Just to get the sound bite." "I can't commit to say "We're in, " because I believe there's too big" "That's fine." "You just said it." "I can cut into that." "You know, I can literally cut around that." "You said the words, which is fine." "So you heard it here first." "Um, Fatburger are gonna be, uh, coming down here, building a restaurant." "We're gonna have people, homeless guys, comin' in here." "They're gonna actually run the restaurant, I take it, serve the burgers." "So it's all good news." "That's fine." "And cut." "Still trying to work out how best to present himself," "Gary is hoping actor Arthur Kade will give him a master class... in self-confidence." "Arthur Kade?" "The one, the only." "Like, tell me, what do you want?" "I mean, what's your goal here?" "I wanna be the bestest actor in the world, like ever." "What have you done so far to make that happen?" "Um, I'm like doing" " Well, I've done a lotta action in the U.K." "And then I come here" " My mum died." "Okay." "Let me tell you a little bit about myself." "I wear tight jeans." "I wear funky sneakers." "But that's who I am, and I'm gonna show the world." "If they don't like it, fuck them." "If they love it, great." "I've never failed at anything I've done." "Never." "I was number one in a Fortune 500 company, and I broke every record." "I did shit that's never been done before." "I was making six figures." "I was killin' it." "I was bangin' the hottest chicks, traveling to the coolest places, but the challenge was over." "I've got unbelievable looks, and where I'm happy is being on the stage, whether it's a stage one-on-one, or it's a stage in front of millions and millions of people in a movie or television show." "One of the big things that's in my blog is I rate women." "You know, so if you and I were sitting here and a girl walks by, smokin' hot girl" "Dude, she's got great tits and an ass." "Yeah." "She's an eight." "I'd fuck the shit out of her or I, you know-- she needs, uh, a nose job." "We would have that discussion." "Two crab roll." "Yes!" "Hungry!" "Kade is hungry." "All right." "Brilliant." "Enjoy." " Three, three and a half to four." " Three and a half?" "Three and a half to four and a half." "I don't usually comment on under six, so I just gave you a range." "So, I'm doing things that have never been seen before." "I mean, that's what people are saying right now, and I have all of Hollywood following the journey, cheering, and people see that, and they recognize that." "How are you doin' that?" "Now" " How many teeth do you think I got?" "Teeth?" "Thirty-six." "I don't know." "Forty." "No?" "Five." "No." "What does that mean?" "Does that make you more successful?" "Go on." "Guess." "Thirty-eight." "No." "Thirty-nine." "Colder." "Forty-one." "Cold." "Forty-four." "You should go down the other way." "Just tell me." "It doesn't matter." "You can't guess, can ya?" "I'll give you three more guesses, and that's it." "Thirty-six, 37, 38." "No." "Thirty-three." "Okay." "So" " Pardon me." "Well, Jack, can you tell me a little bit about yourself?" "Um, I'm a clairvoyant remote viewer." "Uh, I've worked internationally." "Also was featured by the Associated Press in 2006, 2007, 2008." "I also predicted the collision of a U.S. naval submarine with an oil tanker... three months before it happened." "Last summer, when the Russians invaded Georgia." "I had predicted that." "Documented prediction of invasion of Georgia." "Look at that picture there." "Oh, and I'm a research associate with um-- um-- internationally acclaimed parapsychologist Dr. Barry E. Taff." "I hate talkin' about myself." "Cool." "Um, I, uh" " Could you put for me something like, um-- uh" "Uh-- "He has come to walk among us."" " "He has come"" " Thank you." ""to walk among us." "" What did you put in his water?" "You put something in there." "No." "No, I didn't." "It was, uh" "No, I haven't been anywhere near it." "Just a minute, I think it should be fine." "Actually, I have to go to the men's room." "I'll be right back." " I wouldn't drink it." " He should bloody drink it." "Um, okay" " He should drink it." "It won't" " He" "What?" "Why did you say anything?" "Because I saw it." "I wondered what the heck it was." "What was it?" "To take the edge off for him, 'cause I can see he's nervous." "Did you ever- While he's not here" "I just feel a bit threatened by him is all, 'cause he's been puttin' thoughts into my head for the last hour, like quite sexual thoughts." "Really?" "Yeah." "Like, I've got a tingling' in my anus, and he's been puttin' it there." "I know he has, 'cause he's quite predatory." "I can see it in his eyes." "He showed me his amethyst." "Well, I don't personally feel like what you did is okay, and I no longer want you to be part of this performance." "Meanwhile, back at the site," "Brendan is meeting with Leslie Harris, an interior designer who has agreed to work on the project." "Brendan?" "Hold on." "Let me just get" "Just 'cause there's a couple of homeless over there, and if they do come close" "I don't wanna treat them like that." "Okay." "Well, I'd rather hold on to the cattle prod, if that's all right with you." "All right." "What are we doing here?" "We're building a bloody hotel." "Right." "But we're doing it right now, right here?" "No, we're just designing the room." "This is to, what, try to raise more money for" "We're doing it today." "The launch is tonight." "They need to see the hotel." "It doesn't matter if we haven't finished it." "Unless it's a few floors high, we're gonna be fucked." "So wjust need to" " Kiki, can you come around and film?" "Start filming!" "Stay back!" "Brendan, what is it about 'em that scares you so much?" "They stink, they're" " Yeah?" "And yet you're building a house to house them?" "Can we cut" "Yeah, and it'll win me prizes when this thing gets released." "Okay." "So that's more of your concern than helping them." "Uh" "Well, that's what we're all doing it for, isn't it really?" "Okay." "Film this." "No." "So we're just going through, uh, room design, uh, and we're now gonna move on... and actually build the thing, aren't we-- the hotel?" "So, uh" " Leslie." "Leslie is gonna be laying some of the first bricks." "Let's see how we get on!" "Brilliant." "Okay, cut." "Right." "Okay." "Done." "Next bit, we need to just lay some bricks." "Wanna go to Home Depot?" "What did the architect have to say?" "It has to be designed." "He said we couldn't do it in a day." "No, you can't." "Well, no." "Can you not film this?" "You need structural engineers, you need permits" " Don't be-be-be-be me." "If you're positive" " You're a hippie." "You should know this." "I'm not a hippie." "I know, but you smoke pot- No, I don't." "We're just gonna build it, all right?" "I'd like to see them come and try to shut us down, and we'll be like, hippie power!" "Do you have city permits?" "No, no, no." "Yes." "What do you want me to say?" "This guy does not belong here." "He's gotta go." "He's gotta go." "He's gotta go." "This guy needs to either leave voluntarily or be escorted off by the police." "He's beyond eccentric." "He's dangerous." "Jack?" "Yes, sir." "We're all square now, aren't we?" "It was my mistake." "You better believe it was your mistake." "I don't want to fuckin' see you." "Well, I got a tingling around my anus earlier." "You" "My anus isn't tingling." "My fists are tingling." " Um, what about the tingling anus?" " Yeah." "That's a lie." "I don't want him going out on that stage." "No, he doesn't belong here anymore." "That's it, man." "Right." "All done and dusted." "We're all ready." "He's happy." "I'm happy." "We're not happy." "Come on." " I'm ready to physically escort you out myself." "That's a threat, man." "You're threatening me now." "I'm threatening to call the police right now." "Please." "You gotta go." "The sun is setting on Brendan's documentary... about building a hotel for the homeless." "In his rush to find backers for the project," "Brendan has forgotten to cancel the party he scheduled for the grand opening." "Right, Kiki, get that- Gather around like there's a party!" "Right, can we get" "Right." "That's great." "Kiki!" "Yes?" "Can you get a shot of them clapping me?" "What am I even doing trying to build a bloody hotel?" "'Cause it's bullshit." "Because, you know" " I've been into cathedrals around the world, and none of them have got a roof as pretty as that." "Look at that." "We all live under that bloody roof." "All of us." "I just wanted to say, I've learned a lot about myself as a documentary filmmaker, and I've learned a lot about-- um, homeless people." "Can you shut up a second?" "You said five minutes." "I'm not going over five minutes." "It's been over five minutes." "We're gonna cut the thing in a minute!" "Right." "Cut the thing." "Because we're all bloody h- Hold it tight!" "'Cause we're all bloody homeless." "Having learned nothing from Bobby Trendy or Arthur Kade," "Gary decides to hit a bar and fall back on what he knows best." "Can I just say, like, if heaven was missing a angel" "Mm-hmm?" "Oh, no." "Hold on." "If, like" " If heaven was, uh-- missing an angel" "If you're" " If you were dead, and you were an a" " Sorry, I don't" "Like, if heaven was missing an angel, you'd" "I don't" " Ah, Jesus." "Hold on." "Let me do this again." "See, that's my boyfriend over there." "This table's reserved, buddy." "Oh, sorry." "I was just-- I literally was" " I didn't" "I wasn't doing nothing, mate." "That's all right." "I was just saying, like" "What about tonight, two becomes three?" "What?" "What about two becomes three tonight?" "I mean, what is this, a fuckin' Spice Girls' song or what, dude?" "You know what I mean, don't ya?" "No." "We ain't no fuckin' swingers or nothin' like that." "I know." "But, like, at Christmastime once, we're at Mickey's place-- me and, like, Mickey" "I woke up, I didn't know what was going on, and he had Sandra, like, mucking' about by the Christmas tree, and then, like, I couldn't get a hard-on anyway." "It was like putting a bloody marshmallow into a slot machine." "'Cause Sandra's quite fit, and she was there, like" "And he was bringin' her nipples up, and I was tryin' to, like, get in there, but I couldn't, and he was, like, "Go on." "Do it," and I'm, like, "No, mate."" "And I couldn't do it." "I couldn't rise to the occasion." "But" " Sounds like a personal problem." "You carry Viagra in this bag or what?" "No, it's just my mum in there." "Here's to my mum." "Yeah." "Cheers." "Cheers." "Pass her out." "Pass her out." "Sad." "I would like you to have a little bit of my mum." " No" "'Cause we" " Honestly, we have had the best time, mate." "Would you just take a little sprinkle?" "A little bit in our drinks just to finish the night off." "Whoo." "Right." "Billy?" "Let's just go back to Ruta's and have a spit roast." "We're not goin' back to your house, dude." "We're sittin' here, havin' a right laugh, and then bloody Grumpy Gus turned up, and it all went" " I ain't fuckin' grumpy, bro." " You're gonna have a great night tonight." "I have a great night every night." "I know, but I've worked her all up now, and you can take that and do with it as you will." "I'm gonna go." "Give me a call, and remember me tonight when you're doing your stuff." "All right." "Listen, like" " You know, you are" "You are the most beautiful" "If heaven was missin' an angel, you'd be, uh" "If you were an angel, and you'd be dead" "It's, like" " I don't know what the thing is, but whatever it is, that's you." "Has your father passed over?" "Okay, no." "Has yours?" "Okay." "Um, would it" " It look- Because if I can" " Do you have a scar here?" " No." "No?" "Okay." " I can help you, and you can help me." "We can work together." "Okay, but please- Do you understand" "Let's go outside for a second." "What is going on?" "No, we need to- What do you mean, "no"?" "I'm sorry" " I can help her." "You're not gonna help me." "Give me some eye contact." "Okay." "You got my eyes?" "Yeah." "Well, you are in for a lot more entertainment... and joyful interaction this evening." "I'm supposed to be on that stage tonight." "I understand that." "She took it away from me, and so did Jack." "Now you're doin' the victim thing." "Glynnis wrote the best-selling book, Glynnis Has Your Number." "I'm an ex-naval commander." "You wanna take me on, dude?" "Take me on." "Tape him." "He was kicked out of here." "I don't care what sexual orientation you are." "I am just saying" "I said "naval commander." "" Why did you bring up sex?" "Uh, she's a recurring guest on The Tony Danza Show." "She's gonna go out there and fall on her ass, and it's a big one." "I don't think she's gonna." "It's a bloody big one, and she's not gonna be bouncin'." "Glynnis McCants has truly mastered the science of numerology." "You got a problem with me, dude." "Please welcome Glynnis McCants." "Shirley's here!" "Shirley's here!" "Get him out of here!" "Shirley's fuckin' here." "Hi, guys." "Hi, everyone." "Don't pull my tie." "All right." "Get off my" "Get off me." "Get the cops!" "Get the goddamn cops!" "Let's give a hand to the energy and turn it around." "Let's turn it around." "Thank you." "Okay." "Watch it." "I'm not kidding." "Huh?" "Stop it already." "Stop it." "That's-That's him." "That's the one." "Want me to arrest you?" "Get off me." "Just say" "Look what he did to me." "Look what he did to me, Glynnis." "Let's go off the stage." "Please leave!" "Give me a chance." "Oh, my God." " You said" " Oh, my God." " Just give me a" " Okay." "I'm getting- " " Can you believe this shit?" "I'm" " I'm gettin' a George." " Who can understand" " Can somebody call the police, please?" "I need a squad car at the Theatre West in Los Angeles." "He's either really tall or he's sittin' on a chair." "Right now." " Yes." "Can you claim George?" " The call came in earlier?" "I feel your pain, I feel your shame, but you're not to blame." "It's very common for ladies of your age." "You need to try to drink less coffee." "And the people in Walmart, they've got cleaners to clean that up." "Do you understand?" "All right." "Okay." "Leave me alone!" "Give me a chance." "Don't stop me!" "Get off me!" "Get off me!" "Watch the suit!" "Me and Mickeare mad, Vladimir." "Oh, really?" "Like, when you get the two of us together" " I mean, Jesus." "I've known Mickey, like, all my life." "I met him when I was, like, four." "Tell you what there, mate." "Uh-huh?" "I wish he was here, 'cause, like, it don't matter what experience you have, does it?" "Yeah?" "If you ain't got someone to share it with" "Why don't you call him?" "You can call him, right?" "Yeah, I can call him." "Mickey!" "What time is it out there, mate?" "Must be early." "Jesus Christ." "What are you doin' up?" "Oh, you're doin' the market." "Right." "Hey, Mickey." "Things are goin' well out here, huh?" "You know, doin', like, actin' and all that, networking'." "Goin' to the parties." "There's loads of fit birds and all that." "Hey, Mickey." "I miss you, mate." "It's crazy out here." "I don't" "I'm havin' a-- I'm havin' a brilliant time." "Look, mate." "I've just pulled up outside a club, and it's all a bit mad, so I'm gonna have to go." "I'll catch you later." "Yeah, all right, mate." "Bye."