"It's the bane of my life, my neck." "Always has been." "Morning, Doc." "When I was a girl, if I didn't have the right pillow, my mother used to say to me, "Like The Princess and the Pea."" " Mrs Tishell." " l was like a bear with a sore head." "My delivery, please. I have surgery." "Of course. I'll get it for you right away." "Thanks." "Or a bear with a sore neck." " There you go, Doc." " l work for the Salvation Army." " We're looking for Emma Lewis." " Never heard of her." " lf you could just..." " No, thank you." "Oh, dear." " Have you seen this girl?" " Ooh." "No." "Sorry." "Have you tried the police?" "We don't like to get the police involved." "Sometimes a missing person has - how shall I say?" " - an unhappy relationship with the police." " Oh, dear." "Don't mind our doctor." "Underneath, he's a wondertul man." "(Laughter)" "Careful." "You're gonna collapse your other lung." "It's all right." "There's a doctor in the house." " Hi, Martin." " Hello." " How are you?" " Late." "Look, I'm released, as you can see, and on a new lease of life, so thank you." " Yeah." " l really mean that." "You and him saved my life." "Yeah." "It's true, you know, about the whole new lease of life thing." "I'm glad." "This whole thing, it's really got me thinking about how precious life is and how you've got to really seize the day...or the girl." " What?" " Seize the girl. I've been thinking." "Instead of doing up Mum's place to sell, we should move in, you and me." "Look, I've been thinking about this all night." "I was gonna tell you, but I just can't wait." "Louisa...will you marry me?" "What?" "Wow." "Where did that come from?" " Ah, Doc, there you are." "Ready for me?" " What?" "My MOT." "Life insurance and critical-illness cover." "Come on." "You're late." "So, how are you?" " l'm the doctor." "You're the patient." " Of course." "Although I'm not a patient as such." "I mean, I'm not sick." "Except love sick, maybe." "Never thought I'd need all this stuff." "You'd think a wedding's romantic." "It's just loads of paperwork." "is life insurance essential to a wedding?" "Start as you mean to go on, as my mum used to say. I wanna do things properly." " All right." "Undress, please." " What?" "Behind there." "Really?" "Oh." "OK." " What, down to my...?" " Uh-huh." "We can sell your house, or rent it out, keep it as an investment." " l'm flattered, but I don't know what to say." " Say yes." " This is a big thing. I have to think about it." " Say yes." "Danny." "Don't rush me." "(Dr Martin) Relax." " That's all right." " That was really necessary, was it?" "Prostate cancer's the most common cancer in men." "Get your clothes on." "So, what happens now?" "I get the results and write a report for the insurance company." "You can request to see it, but that could delay the insurer's decision." "No, I trust you, Doc." "Mark, um..." " Did you have mumps as a child?" " l...don't think so." "Don't know." "Why?" "I couldn't help noticing that your testes are smaller than you'd expect, which is often a side effect of mumps." "I thought that was... I thought they were in proportion to the size of the other attributes in that area." "Oh, um..." "Well, I'll include a sperm test." "You'll need to give a sample at the hospital." "No, I don't think that's..." "I'd have to, um..." "In the hospital?" "I'm known there." " Do I have to?" " Do you want me to do a full medical?" "I'll give you a container." "You can take it there yourself." "Keep it at body temperature and get it to them within an hour of, um...production." "Morning." "Oh, Mark. I was wondering if I could have a quick word with you." "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but there's a gentleman in the village and he's looking for a girl." "Sorry, Mrs T. Can't stop." "Gotta get something to the hospital." " Can I lend a hand?" " Uh...no, thanks." "What is it?" "Look, I said no, thanks." "(Siren walls)" "How are you doing, Mrs T?" "I did mention that we'd probably need half an hour, the doctor and I?" "Yeah." "And maybe a pot of tea when you've got a minute." "Mrs Tishell, what can I do for you?" "Oh, Doctor, I brought you some cake and this article on medications for coronary vascular disease in the MHRA." "I thought, with your background, you'd be most interested." "Don't worry about the sticky pages." "It's where l slipped in the bath." "Mrs Tishell, do you have a medical complaint?" "I just need some painkillers for my neck." "It's a bit worse than usual." "Take your cervical collar off." "I'll have a look." "There's no need." "There's nothing to see." " l'll be the judge of that." " Dr Sim couldn't see anything." " He thought I was malingering." " He was right to suspect it." "The majority of people wearing cervical collars are wasting their time." "I know." "But torticollis, if you've got it, well, it can be a pain in the neck." " Sorry." " How long have you had the pain?" "Like I said, years." "Years." " Have you thought about physiotherapy?" " No, I don't like being pulled and prodded." "I thought perhaps some good, strong painkillers, like Tramadol or dihydrocodeine." "Some good, strong opioid analgesics." "Not until I've carried out an examination, which I can't until you stop wearing that collar." " (Knocking)" " Come." " Tea." " No." "Goodbye, Mrs Tishell." "Smells good." "The very best chicken tandoori outside of Delhi." "Oh, great." "Oh, no prawn biryani. I love prawn biryani." "I don't think I should be having shellfish." " Pregnant women aren't supposed to." " Oh. I thought you must be allergic." "You said pregnant women aren't supposed to have shellfish." "I did." "You're...?" "You said?" " What's wrong?" " Nothing's wrong." " Absolutely nothing's wrong." " You sure?" " Oh!" " (She laughs)" "Pathology." "I'd like to double-check a sperm test, please." " Thanks for seeing me." " l'm on the phone." " Sorry." " Shut the door." "No, not you." "Mark Mylow." "Yeah." "Right." "Yeah." "Thank you." "Come in." "Thanks." "Um, it's just that, um, I've done a test and, um..." "I'm pregnant." "Anyway, so, um, it's probably nothing, but I've had..." " How many weeks pregnant are you?" " Can't be much, can it?" " l'll examine you." " l hadn't..." "You can get changed behind there." " Get plenty of rest before your scan." " Right." "Which I suggest should be soon." "Fundal height isn't an exact measurement, but I'd say you're 12 to 1 4 weeks pregnant." "is that right?" "Oh. I didn't know you could tell." "Um, Mark doesn't need to know." " He'll find out sooner or later." " How?" "I'll just tell him the baby's a bit early." "If you tell him, Doctor, I'll sue you." "Right." "This consultation is over." "You need to find a new GP." "Your notes." "Relax." "Mark's happy, I'm happy, and he's gonna be my baby's dad, and no one's gonna rock your precious little boat in Portwenn." ""Let me first say that the bridesmaids look absolutely..."" "Bye." ""...smashing today, outshone only by our lovely bride Jane." ""Today is a sad day for single men," ""as another beauty leaves the...available list."" "What d'you think?" ""Our bride Jane" is not gonna go down well." " Whose wedding is it?" "Tarzan's?" " This book isn't helping." "No." "Anyway, Danny Steel and Louisa Glasson might beat Mark and Julie to it." " Danny and Louisa?" " Danny enquired about the church..." " Right, Doc?" " l'm going to see Mark. I'll be 20 minutes." "And he pencilled in a date while he was there." "Mind you, that was Maddy B and she talks out of her you-know-what." " Mark. I need to speak to you." " A little secret you're not telling me?" " What?" " l know you're not allowed to say." "But Julie won't sue you for breach of confidentiality." "She told me herself." "It's earlier than I hoped." "I wanted to do the marriage thing first, do it by the book." "Call me romantic, that's how I always imagined it, but I'm so happy, Doc." "I'm gonna be a dad." "How cool is that?" " Mark..." " The old sperm test, you had me worried." " Doc, Mark." " Between me and you, please." "Julie wants it that way for now." "Al." "I'm having a bit of a problem with the best-man speech." "I'm not supposed to see it. lt's bad luck." "Mark, I need to see you in my surgery." " OK, sure." " Thank you." "Oh, hello, Bert." "How are you?" " l've done my back in again, Mrs T." " Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." "I can recommend paracetamol for pain relief or anti-inflammatories." "I don't want that rubbish." "The strong stuff." " You'll have to see the doc." " l done that." "Here." "Oh." " Tramadol?" " ls that no good?" "No, no. I'm sure it's the right thing for you." "I expect the doctor took some convincing to give you these?" "No, I told him what the problem was, he gave me the prescription." "You know the doc." "There's no chat." "Well, you might find he'd give 'em to you at first and then be a bit funny about giving you any more." "He doesn't believe in...we don't believe in giving people strong painkillers unless it's completely necessary." "Maybe." "He told me to come back when I want." "Did he?" " (Woman) Do you know what I mean?" " (Woman #2) I do. lt's not long enough." "Hey." "How's my girl?" " Oh, hi, Danny." " Wine." "Great." " You know..." " So, have you...?" "I was just thinking about when we got together." "You know, when we got together way back." " And you know when we split up..." " l know, I know. I'm sorry." "It's just...at that point in my life, career..." "See, I think men are programmed." "Success. lt's the modern equivalent of hunting with a spear, providing." "That's rubbish, isn't it?" "Do you really think we're programmed?" "We make our own decisions, don't we?" "I've changed." "That's what I've been trying to tell you." "I don't wanna rush into anything." "You've only been in the village five minutes." " You're not saying no?" " No, no, I'm not." " That's fantastic." " (Phone rings)" "Sorry." "Danny Steel." "Yeah." "Oh, hi." "Um..." "No, it's a good time." "Hang on." " lt's work. I'll see you later." " Bye." "Yeah." "Excuse me." "Graham Orchard." "Salvation Army." "No, no, I'm not collecting." "Have you seen this girl?" " Um..." " Emma Lewis." "Though she's probably using a different name." "She was 1 4 in the photograph." "No." "Sorry. lt's not someone I know." "Can you take another look, please?" "She's in her early 30s now." "She'd have changed her appearance, for various reasons." "No." "Sorry." "I think I've spoken to the entire population of Portwenn." "Hang on." "There's something, but I don't know. I might be wrong." "Can we...?" "Martin, there's something I need to ask you." "What do you want?" "My blessing?" "What?" "What for?" "Oh, right." "Come in, come in." " This is Graham." " Yep, we've already met." " Hello again, Doctor." " l still have no change." "This girl's now a 32-year-old woman, slimmer and her hair's different." "She began using different names as a teenager, not unusual in young people with a troubled childhood." " lt's a way of reinventing yourself." " Well?" "A troubled childhood and reinventing herself and then what?" "Identity fraud, basically." "Credit-card theft." "Some have been used recently in Portwenn." "My concern is to reunite her with the mother." "The police aren't involved." " Do you think it's...?" " Of course." " So, what do we do?" " We?" "We don't do anything." " We have to do something." " Why?" " For Mark." " Mark who?" "Shush. I don't think it's any of my business or any of yours." "Goodbye." " Now, hang on a minute." " Martin, what's the matter?" "Forget it." "Sorry." "This was a really bad idea." "Goodbye." " (Knocking) - (Dr Martin) Come in." "All right, Doc?" "You asked me to drop in." " Take a seat, please." " Ooh, serious stuff, then." "Well, it's...unfortunate news, yes." "My MOT?" "I haven't got...?" "Oh, my God, I'm not...?" "I have been feeling funny, palpitations, but I thought that was just excitement." "What's this?" ""Azoospermia."" "It means you're infertile, Mark." "Well, it must be wrong, mustn't it?" "Even men with low sperm counts can, you know." "One persistent little blighter, that's all it takes." "Azoospermia means no sperm at all, persistent or otherwise." " No sperm at all?" " None." "Julie's pregnant." " Yes." " This isn't right." "There's been a mix-up." "No. I called the lab and they confirmed the result." "I don't think Julie will take very kindly to what you're insinuating." " l'll have to live with that." " Yes, because she's gonna be my wife." " Ask her who she is before you marry her." " What's that mean?" " Julie Mitchell's not her real name." " lt is." "She can call herself Robbie Williams for all I care." "It's not illegal." "That's my department, the law." "I'm the policeman." "You're the...member of the public." "Her family asked the Salvation Army to trace her." "Her mother's dying." "I know what this is." "This is you." "You can't bear to see me happy, can you?" "You haven't got anyone, so you don't want me to." "You wouldn't know a good relationship if it bit you" " on your stuck-up nose." " You're engaged to a fraud." "I'm right and you know it." "The whole of Portwenn knows it." "The effort I've gone to welcoming you to this village." "All you've ever done is snub me." "Think I haven't noticed?" "I love Julie, she loves me and we're having a baby." " That's all I care about." " Her name's not Julie. lt's Emma Lewis." "Hey." "You have to give a girl notice before you come round." " Why's that?" " l might have to put my face on." " Which face is that?" " You know, make-up?" "Not the face of Jane Carpenter or Louise Wood or Joanne Jeffrey or Emma Lewis?" "Oh." "Oh." "I can explain all of that." " How?" " Oh, come on, Mark." "You know, so I've had an interesting past." "It's part of my charm." "You worry too much." "Come and have a drink." "We're getting married and we're gonna have a baby together." "About that." "Our first time was only, what, a month ago?" "Yeah." "You see, we're right for each other." "You only had to look at me and I'm pregnant." "That must have been it." "A look." "Because, see, I've had a sperm test, a fertility test, and..." "Hey, Marky." "We can work this out, can't we?" "Emma Lewis, I'm arresting you on suspicion of using a false identity." "You don't have to say anything." "Anything you do say may be used in evidence." " She's all right." " No need to go to the hospital?" "She'll need a scan, but there's no rush." "Good." "So, I can arrest her?" "Well, I'd wait till things are a bit clearer." "What could be clearer?" "She's a crook, a grifter." "She's driven a horse and cart through my life." "Coach and horses." "Yeah." "Whatever." "Marty!" "I was just on my way to see you." "I've just had a letter from your father's solicitor." "I didn't get a chance to explain." "I had no idea he intended... I know, I know, I know. I know that you gave up your London flat for me, so he gave up his claim." " Why didn't you say?" " You didn't give me the chance." " Ah, the Ellingham curse." " What d'you mean?" "Never talking about anything." "Keeping your emotions hidden." "Oh, Marty." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "And while we're on the subject of feelings..." " What?" " Oh, don't be obtuse." "Louisa and Danny." "He's very keen." "There are rumours." " l'd heard." " Do something, say something." "(Louisa) Close the door behind you, Amy." " Right, up the stairs, please." " There she is." "Go on." " All right, I will." " Go on." " Just go away." " (Louisa) Up the stairs, come on." "(Child humming)" "Thank you, Jack." "Louisa." "I went to see Mark, but you'd already told him." "You said it wasn't our business." "It's not. lt came up in the context of a medical conversation." "Did you expect it to come up?" "Uh, yes, yes, I did." "Then why didn't you say that instead of giving the impression you didn't care?" "Why do you do that?" "Anyway, poor Mark. ls he all right?" "No, I doubt it." "He really loved her." "And I admire him for that." "He didn't hold back." "He absolutely went for it." "Well, I'll see you." "Louisa." "Are you, uh, gonna go for it with the architect?" "Martin, what's that got to do with anything?" "I don't know." "Maybe you're waiting for a signal from on high." "Now you're being horrible." " Mark, I'm so sorry." " Don't." "Don't say you're sorry." " Who's the father?" " Arrest me or get out of here." "Some bloke in Exeter." "No one." "Didn't mean anything." "And me?" "Did I mean anything?" "Or was I just cover?" "No better cover than a policeman." "Then I found I liked you." "Thought maybe I could settle." "You're so straight." "I thought maybe I could go straight, too." " Be the real me." " Whoever that is." "Get her out of my sight." "Hi. I've just had a phone call." "Well, I've had several phone calls." " Are you all right?" " Yeah, yeah, I guess." "You know, Mark." " lt's all a bit of a shock." " l heard, I know." "Poor guy." "Can I tell you about this project?" "It's an art-gallery conversion in the East End." "It's a job I went for ages ago." "Their first choice backed out, and suddenly yours truly's in the frame." " Pardon?" " This is the one, Lou." "This is the job I've been hanging on for." "A job in London?" "Well, make up your mind, Danny." "What happened to us living at your mum's?" "We can get married and live in London." "But I live here. I work here." "I'm the head-teacher of Portwenn Primary." "You show up at any East End primary school, they'll get down and kiss the ground you walk on." "You just don't get it, do you, Danny?" "My life's here." "Until five minutes ago, I thought yours was." "Well, so did I, but...things change." "I didn't plan this." "It's sudden. I understand that." "You need time to think." "But it's not sudden." "Go to London." "Take the job." "You're being perverse now." "No, Danny, I just know who I am." "But you don't have a clue who you are or what you want." "One minute it's London, next it's Cornwall." "I'm sorry I haven't said anything before, but all your finding religion." "Where the hell did that come from?" "I've been feeling sorry for Mark and his fraudulent girlfriend, but this is the same." " There's no substance to you." " You don't mean that." "Don't tell me what I mean." "If you did mean that, I can't see how I can recover from that, how we can recover from that." "Let's not recover, Danny." "Let's not recover?" "Bye, Danny." " (Knocking)" " Come in." " Oh, good afternoon, Doctor." " You're still wearing that collar." "Oh, yes." "Look, I just wanted to say I know some patients do get Tramadol and I am sure that is exactly the right thing for them." " And your point is?" " l wanted to assure you, as a professional, that I do, in fact, get some neck discomfort which..." "Probably because you never take that collar off." "I do take it off." "Look, I know you think I... I do. I think you are somatizing." "I can assure you I am not." "Go on, then." " What?" " Take it off." " Now?" " Yes." " ln front of you?" " Yeah." "There's nothing whatsoever wrong with your neck, is there?" " l would really like some medication." " As your doctor, I decline that request." " You are being very mean." " Quite possibly." "Oh." "Thank you, Mrs Tishell." "You OK?" " Yes." " Good." "Can I have a new head for my electric toothbrush?" "is it true about you and Danny Steel?" " ls what true?" " Are you getting married?" "D'you know something?" "This village!" "Mrs Tishell, can I just say something?" "Danny Steel and I are not in a relationship of any kind." "Don't leave it too long." " Leave what?" " You might end up like me." "I mean, I was pretty." "Not like you, but passable." "Men looked." "And then, when I was about 30, they stopped looking, so that's when I stopped taking off the collar." "'Cause I thought what's the point?" "Though there is Clive, of course." "Yeah, yeah, of course." "Mrs Tishell." " D'you wanna sit down?" " No." "I just wanna take this bloody, bloody, bloody collar off." " Mrs Tishell..." "It's Sally, isn't it?" " Yeah." "Sally, why don't you take it off?" "Because I..." "Well, the doc's right." "I'm, you know..." "It's just, well, it's an emotional crutch." "D'you wanna take it off now?" "Yeah." "Just for a minute, then." "How does that feel?" "Well, it feels... I feel liberated." " l feel..." " (Phone rings)" " Ah!" "Oh!" " Mrs Tishell, what is it?" "It's my neck!" "My neck!" "Martin." "Mrs Tishell says it's her neck, and now there's electric shocks running through her hands." " You told her to take the collar off." " She's had it on for years." "The torticollis." "No, it's not that. lt's my fingers." " What about your fingers?" " Well, I've had some tingling." "Ah!" "I thought it was vitamin B deficiency, so I've been taking supplements." " But this is something else." " Did you fall?" "I've been careful since I slipped in the bath." " When did you fall in the bath?" " Ah." "Well, I told you." "Dropped the MHRA bulletin and knocked my neck." "Cough." " Ah!" "Oh!" "It's my fingers!" " Both hands?" " Yeah." " Don't move, don't move, don't move." "I'm going to hold your head very still." "You keep pertectly still, Mrs Tishell." "Right." "You comfortable?" " Yeah." " l think you knocked yourself very badly." "I think it was quite a bad knock, come to think of it." "You've prolapsed a disc." " Know what that means?" " l think so." "Your head is pressing down on a nerve in your spinal cord." " There might be some paralysis." " Oh, my God." "Louisa, you telephone for an ambulance and then help me with Mrs Tishell's collar." "Yeah." "So I was right to wear it?" "Yes, Mrs Tishell, you were." "(indistinct voice over radio)" "Will she be all right?" "She'll have an excuse to wear that collar for the next 20 years, but probably, yes." " Right." " Right." " Good night." " Night." "Martin." "Yes." "Martin, there's 20 things about you that are crap." "Thank you." "But if you were a stick of rock, you'd be Martin Ellingham all the way through." "It's over." "He's gone." " Going back to London." " l'm missing him already." "I don't wanna talk about him." "I wanna have a drink with you." "I..." "I don't drink." "Alcohol has an appalling effect on the liver, central nervous system... I know you don't drink." "That's why I want to." "Wait here and don't move, right?" "Do not move a muscle." "Tosser." " ...straight out the rough." " No?" " Nine iron." " (Door closes)" " All right, Mark?" " Yeah, I'll get there, Al." "That's the right attitude to have, if you don't mind my saying so." "No use crying over a bad apple, that's what I say, even if she were pretty." " Dad." " lt's all right, Al." " Probably for the best." " Yeah, I suppose so." "It gets me off the hook with the speech problem." "My point exactly." "There's plenty of upsides to this." "Plenty." "But she were a looker, weren't she?" "(Dr Martin) That's actually quite common with a viral infection." "What?" " l thought..." " What?" "I thought the wine would be..." " Disinhibiting?" " Yeah. I thought we'd talk more." "I don't really talk." "I know you don't." "I don't know. I just imagined that we'd have this great big talk... and that I'd get you drunk and seduce you..." "Maybe not." "But I wanted to see you, you know?" "See the real you." " l..." " That's what I was saying before." "Underneath the gruff, monosyllabic, well-meaning but rude surtace, you're... gruff, monosyllabic and, well, rude." "What about well-meaning?" "But I should be glad, because I was right." "You are exactly what it says on the tin." "Doc Martin through and through." "Did your dad leave any more wine?" "You see, I think we should just sit here and drink some more and carry on not saying any of the stupid things that people say when they're drunk." " l sh..." " Sh." "No talking." "No, well, I should tell you the main reason that I don't drink is because I just fall asleep." "I don't say anything." "I'm constipated, my Auntie Joan says." "I said no talking." "That's rubbish anyway." "Rubbish." "Things people say." "Martin." "You're so beautiful." "You're so very beautiful." "D'you know that?" "OK." "If that's what you were gonna say, I..." "I don't mind you talking." "All I think about, every day, is just catching a glimpse of you." " Oh, Louisa." " Sh." "Don't spoil it." "I love you. I love you." "Oh, Martin." "This bloody table's in the way." "Martin?" "Martin?" "You're gonna have to help me a little bit, Martin." "Right." "Um..." "(Snores)" "(Snores)" "Hello, Doc?" "(Snoring)" "Al." "Al." "Al. lt's me." "Yeah." "You've got to see this." "Hang on." "(Laughs)" "God!" "God!" " (Bert) Hi, Pauline. I'm here to see the doc." " Hiya, Al." " (Al) All right, Paul?" " (Pauline) How are you?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" " Morning." " (Bert stifles laugh)" "Surgery will be running a little late this morning." "But I do feel my glands are up, so I thought maybe you'd have a look." "All right." "Open up." " l can't see if you turn your head away." " Sorry. lt's just..." "Have you been drinking?" "You know that feeling when you've got a headache coming, just behind the eyes, and then it spreads, it throbs like a scaled-up old boiler?" "It's also in your stomach and waterworks and you've gotta run to the toilet." " How long have you had this feeling?" " Oh, not me, Doc." "No, you." "Who was the lucky tipper?" "Someone we know or just you and your canine friend?" " Get out." " Uh, hair of the dog, Doc?" " Get out, Bert!" " Course." " He's not in the mood." " That's right." "If you are offended by the fact that last night I drank wine or you've come to waste my time with infantile jokes, then you can bugger off." " Next patient, Pauline." " Right, boy." "Let sleeping dogs lie." "That's not funny." "No more patients." "Have a lie-down." "No, I'll just get some air." "I thought if you weren't used to drinking, you wouldn't know this hangover cure." "I teach Year 6 on a Monday, and this is the only thing that makes it possible." " Thank you." " What happened to your head?" "Oh." "Uh, nothing." "Did you want some medical advice?" "No, just the morning-after pill." " What?" " Joking. it was just a joke." "I just wondered if there was anything else you wanted to say before you passed out." "I embarrassed myself." "No, you didn't embarrass yourself." "And I'm really glad that you said what you said." "And I just wish that I'd had a chance to say that..." "I do, too." "I love you, too." " What?" " Uh, nothing." "No, what?" " Love. lt's a..." " Love is what?" "It's a difficult word when we don't know each other that well." "Martin, we've known each other quite a while now." "Yes, but for you to say you love me when you can't possibly know that you do is..." " ls what?" " Potentially delusional." "Oh." "There are certain, you know, quite well-known disorders where..." "What disorders?" "...where a person falls for someone else and believes that they love them." "Pardon?" "De Clerambault's syndrome, also known as erotomania." "More common in women." "They fall for an older man of a higher social standing than themselves." "Martin, what the hell are you talking about?" "Delusional romantic attachments, often associated with excessive, uh, intrusiveness into the life of the object of the irrational affection." " Stalking, if you like." " (Slap)"