"Going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time" "Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation" "Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind" "Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"" "I'm heading on up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind" "West side." "Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine" "Remember when life used to be simple and cool?" "Not really." " Hey, how's it going, fellas?" " Butters, what the hell are you doing?" "Well, I'm just standing around being a kid, why?" "How come you're all wearing those oogy spaceman masks?" "These are gas masks, Butters!" "Yeah, if you don't have a gas mask, you're gonna get smallpox or anthrax!" "What?" "Oh, Jesus!" "I don't want to get the 'thrax, fellas!" "What do I do?" "There's nothing you can do, except stop breathing!" " Stop breathing?" " Yeah." "You can't get it if you don't breathe." "Oh!" "All right, then!" "Okay, next." "Next." "Let's see, Hotties!" "Juicy!" "Whoppers!" "Okay, next!" "What the hell are you doing with this?" "Those are my Hooty Owl round-tipped scissors." "These are a weapon." "Oh, come on." "How am I gonna kill people with those?" "I'll think of a way!" "Now move along!" " God damn it." " All right, next!" "Okay, clear." "Oh, Jesus, man." "They're gonna get me." "Oh, Christ." "They're gonna get me." "All right, class, as some of you may have heard, the President has asked that American children all send $1 to the children of Afghanistan." "So I have a list of addresses, and we're going to all chip in." "I'm not giving a dollar to those towel-heads." "Eric, the Afghan people need our help." "Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought we were at war with these assholes." "We're at war with terrorists, fat ass, not with Afghanistan." "And the only reason you care is 'cause you don't want to give up a dollar!" "That dollar buys me a chocolate milk for lunch!" "What?" "Do you want me to just get regular milk for ten cents?" "Now, look, it isn't our fault that terrorists hate us, we're just kids." "We aren't the ones bombing them now, we're just kids." "There's a lot of crazy stuff going on in the world, but we're just caught in the middle." "It's not our fault." "The Afghan kids are caught in the middle, too!" "Yes, but they're sand monkeys." "All right, children, we are all sending a dollar to the kids in Afghanistan." "That's it, end of discussion." "God damn it!" "I hate regular milk." "Another high alert status for terrorist activity this weekend." "The government said bad things are likely to happen." "Meanwhile, the world continues to back down from their support of the United States, saying that they were really only kidding to begin with." "Hey, Mom, doorbell's ringing." "Hey, Sharon, maybe you should stop watching the news for a little bit?" "Sharon, you've been watching CNN for about eight weeks now, don't you want to watch something else?" "Sharon?" "Hey, look what the postman brought me!" "It's a big, brown package from Afghanistan." "That's nice." "We sent the Afghani kids some dollars, they must have sent us something cool in return." "Do we have some scissors to cut this open?" "Stanley, your mother's a little freaked out right now." "Why don't you go play with your big, brown package" " from Afghanistan outside?" " All right." " Big, brown package from Afghanistan?" " Big, brown package from Afghanistan?" "Dude, what's going on?" "We got a package from the kids we sent dollars to." "They sent us something back." " Prelim shows negative, sir!" " Then we're gonna have to blow it!" "Yes, sir!" "This is it, man!" "It's over!" "Tweek, calm down." "Have some coffee." "Open!" "It's just a goat." "Precious goat." " Hey, there, little guy..." " Stay away from it!" "Terrorists could have given that goat anthrax or smallpox before sending it over." " Johnson!" " Sir!" " Check the goat for diseases." " Yes, sir!" "The goat seems to be clean, sir!" "I told you." "Those Afghan kids just wanted to give us something back for giving them four dollars." "Four dollars for a goat?" "We got ripped off." "All right, men, this area is secure." "Let's head out!" "Well, what are we supposed to do with it?" "You're gonna have to take it home with you, Kyle." "Dude, my mom won't even let me have a hamster!" " Kenny?" " No fucking way, dude." "My parents will never let me keep a goat." "Well, I guess we're gonna have to kill it." "No, we're not going to kill it, Cartman." "We'll just have to take the return address and mail it back to the kids in Afghanistan." "Come on, goat." "They're closing!" "Excuse me, we want to overnight this goat to Afghanistan, please." " Excuse me?" " It's an Afghanistan goat so it can't stay here or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom." "Afghanistan?" "I'm sorry, boys, but our planes aren't flying there." "They're not?" "The only planes going to Afghanistan are the military planes over at the base." " I'm sorry." " Oh, yeah!" "The military planes!" "Come on, goat." "We'll put you on one of them." "Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base." " They might shoot us." " I don't care, we're going." "Don't forget to bring a towel." "Oh, no, not Towelie." "When going someplace new, you should always bring a towel." " Okay, thanks, Towelie." " You wanna get high?" "No, we don't want to get high!" "You mean, you don't want Towelie around?" " That's right." " So am I to understand that there's been a Towelie ban?" "God damn it!" "Get the hell out of here, Towelie!" "All right, see you." "All right, troops, we depart for Afghanistan in five minutes." "Let's move out!" "All right, come on." "We just gotta get the goat on one of these planes." "Isn't this exciting, Tony?" "We're finally gonna see some action!" "Yeah!" "And I hear that as soon as we land we get a USO show!" "We do!" "Stevie Nicks is going to perform!" "Oh, Stevie Nicks?" "I love her." "Okay, it's clear." "Come on." "Hey, you!" "What the hell do you think you're doing here?" "I'm sorry, Ms. Nicks." "Hey, guys, it's Stevie Nicks!" "Oh, wow!" " Can I get a picture?" " Ms. Nicks?" "Over here, Ms. Nicks!" "Oh, Ms. Nicks, I don't want to bother you, but could you sing a quick Fleetwood Mac for us?" " Could you?" " Yeah!" "Oh, please!" " Come on, come on." " That'd be great!" "No way!" "That was great!" "Oh, wait till I tell my sister about this, she is gonna flip." "Well, we've got to get Ms. Nicks on the plane to Afghanistan, guys." " Oh, could we just get a..." " I'm sorry," "Ms. Nicks isn't answering any more questions." "Oh, sure, we understand, move along!" " She looks great." " She looks great." "Hey, let's put him on here." "There we go." "You're gonna be okay, goat." "You'll be back in Afghanistan in about 20 hours." "Stan, if you're finished having your tearful goodbye with the goat," " we'd like to go now, please." " All right." "All right." "Tango clear, let's head out." " Oh!" "Son of a bitch!" " Hey, wait!" "There's children in here!" "Oh, shit, we're locked in." "Dude, it looks like we're going to Afghanistan." "Going to Afghanistan?" "Trapped in a small space for 20 hours?" "How could things get any worse?" " Oh!" " Oh, you guys." "Welcome to Afghanistan, troops!" "Get your gear ready and report to the barracks at 0900!" "Sir, yes, sir." " Oh, God, it was horrible." " Twenty hours!" "God damn, it stinks like shit!" " What the hell?" " Cartman farted in there!" "We had to breathe it in for 20 hours." "It didn't smell that bad, you guys are overreacting." "I don't smell any..." "Oh, God!" " Oh, whatever." " You son of a bitch, Cartman!" "You don't fart when you're locked in a small space with other people!" "Oh, I'm sorry!" "Next time I'll just ask my fart nicely if it wouldn't mind staying tucked away for a while." "All right, all right, let's just get the goat back to his home." "We have to find this address." "God, what a crap hole, dude!" "This is like East Denver." "Jesus Christ!" "Dude, no wonder terrorists come from places like this." " Lf I grew up here, I'd be pissed off, too." " Hey, look, there's a taxi." "Hello." "We need to go here." "God, what is this, the freaking Flintstones?" " Is this the right house?" " I think so." "Hi." "We're from America." "We sent you the dollar?" "The four dollars?" "You sent us this goat." "Goat?" " Here, we don't want it." " Oh, you want something else?" "All we had was the goat." "Your country bombed everything else." "No, dude, we're not ungrateful, it's just, none of us can keep the goat." "It was choking on the sweet air of freedom in America, so we brought it back to your crappy country." "Oh, and here, take this American flag as a gift." "Hey!" "What the hell are you doing?" "Yeah, they told us in school that everyone but terrorists love America." " What did you call us?" " Your country is the evil empire!" "Your government wants to rule the world, but your values and your spirituality are in the gutter!" " Then why did you send us a goat?" " Because in Afghanistan we have pride." "If you send us something, we must send something in return." "It doesn't mean we don't still hate you." "Now get out of here." "Hey." "Hey, open the door." " I told you, Jawas have no hearts." " Jawas?" "You know, sand people." "How come they hate America so much?" "What the hell did we do?" "Well, we tried, dude." "If anyone else in this crap hole hates Americans, we better just leave the goat and get back to the plane." "All right." "Oh, look, he's following us." "It's so sad." " God, I hate you so much, Stan." " What?" "Howdy." "Greetings from Canada." "Well, boys, it's about time we got back to our house in Canada, isn't it?" "Hey, what the hell are you talking about?" "I'm not a goddamn Canadian, and neither are you." "Oh, Cartman, you stupid asshole." " Good job, fat ass!" " Dude, don't call me a Canadian." "You've got to listen to me." "We're not spies." "Look, I think I can explain everything." "You see, my friend Stan here is an over-sensitive animal lover." "He got a boner for this goat and..." "Oh, crap, it's him!" "Oh, dude, it's called deodorant, okay?" "It's not expensive." "America..." "And cut!" "Dude, these people are insane." "As more and more cases of terrorist-related AIDS continue to grow." "And this just in!" "The Taliban has apparently taken American civilians as hostages." "The Taliban has just released this videotape, in which it is clearly visible that they have indeed captured Stevie Nicks." "Ms. Nicks appears to be in good spirits, though her whereabouts are unknown." "Hey, Sharon." "Have you seen Stan in the last couple days?" " Yes, I just saw him." " Oh, okay." "... with Stevie Nicks in captivity." "The other members of Fleetwood Mac have been hidden so the Taliban can't get to them as well." " They took Stevie Nicks?" " Bastards!" "Heartless, gutless bastards!" "All right, men!" "Grab your guns and your Bibles!" " We are going to get Ms. Nicks back!" " Hooray!" "The Taliban's video also shows what appears to be four American children in captivity, though they could just be French." "We have to help them." "They are not spies." "They came to give us our goat back." " Screw them!" "They're evil Americans!" " I know." "But if we don't help the innocent ones, then we're no better than the Americans are." "Help Americans?" "That doesn't make sense!" "Dude, we're speaking English right now, does that make sense?" "All right, let's go." "Oh, jihad, jihad!" "America America..." " Hey, what are you guys doing here?" " We've come to save you!" " But I thought you hate us." " We do." " Cartman, where are you going?" " I'm gonna go take care of this prick." "Cartman, he's crazy!" "He's not crazy, he's an idiot." "I know how to deal with these people." "Jihad!" "Jihad!" "What's up, Bin Laden?" "5:30, time to pray!" "Allah, Allah..." "We will have to be quick, the Americans are attacking!" " Where do we go?" " Get down!" "You murdering Americans!" "Hey, shut up, kid." "America didn't start this war." "America did start this war!" "They started it years ago when they put the military bases on Muslim holy lands!" " Ramadan!" " Hey, look, an infidel." "So that's what this is all about." "...fatwa, open sesame!" "Tastes like chicken." "The ass of a chicken." "Falafel kebab!" "We're coming, Ms. Nicks!" "Hang on!" "All right, I've had just about enough of this!" "They told us in school and on TV that most people in Afghanistan and Pakistan like America." "And you believe it?" "It is not just the Taliban that hates America." "Over a third of the world hates America!" "But why?" "Why does a third of the world hate us?" "Because you don't realize that a third of the world hates you." "That doesn't make sense!" "You guys are just buttholes!" "You're buttholes!" " You're buttholes!" " You're buttholes!" "Oh, bella!" "Bella falafel!" "Mi amore!" "Fatwa, fatwa!" "Di vino!" "Mi fatwa!" "J'ai une fatwa!" "Do you really think that your civilization is better than ours?" "You people play games by killing animals and oppress women!" "It's better than a civilization that spends its time watching millionaires walk down the red carpet at the Emmys." "He's got us there, dude." "I got her." "I've got Stevie Nicks." "There you are." "Where have you been?" "We have another anti-American video to make!" "Oh, the video..." "Hurry." "Get into wardrobe." "Oh, hurry up, will you hurry?" "Oh, you look marvelous, darling!" "Come on, the cameras are ready." "All right, there we go." "Let's roll cameras!" "Oh, and here's your microphone." "America..." "We've done it." "The Taliban is destroyed!" "Wow, I guess Cartman really did take care of him." "Terrorists is the craziest peoples!" "I got him!" "I got him!" "Well, looks like the Taliban and Bin Laden are finally out of power." " Yup, you don't need us any more." " Hey, wait a minute." "You know, you guys should know one thing." "Most people in America are good people who just try to live day by day like you guys do." "Maybe if you took some time to see all the great things about our country, you'd see we're not so different after all." " Yeah." " That's fine." "But we still hate you." "Oh." "Well, I guess, maybe someday, we can learn to hate you, too." "Maybe in time." "I'm confused." "Great job, troops!" "Once again we have killed our enemies!" "The world is now safe, thanks to you." "And so now, as promised, here is Fleetwood Mac with Stevie Nicks." "Just like the one way bird sings a song Sounds like she's singing" "Baby, baby" "Come on, let's go get to the plane." "Dude, I almost thought those Afghani kids talked you" " into not liking America." " No, dude." "America may have some problems, but it's our home, our team." "And if you don't wanna root for your team, well, then you should get the hell out of the stadium." "Yeah." " Go, America." " Go, America." " Go, Broncos." " Yeah, go, Broncos." "Yeah."