"Katie's flight was early." "Claimed her bags at carousel six, traffic moderate, no gay parades." "She'll be here any minute." "I can't believe I let her go to Chicago with David." "Why didn't I kiss her or fake a heart attack and have her save my life by a mouth to mouth, and be forever bonded in that way that only survivors can?" "I tried that at a bar once." "A fat guy gave me CPR and cracked my rib." "It's all gonna be over at any minute, and I'll know if she slept with him." "Forget sleeping." "What if they had sex?" " It's just you." " Is she back yet?" "Am I too late?" " Any minute." " Thank God." "I would not want to miss whatever stupid thing you two are about to do." "Mark's all worried that Katie and David slept together." "It's real simple." "She said the weekend was "good", they had sex." "If she said it was "fine", they didn't have sex." "If she said it was amazing they used bullwhips and cupcakes." " What are you doing?" " Just checking out the doorknob." "I'm in a club." "We admire doorknobs." "Talk about a knob, they don't make them like that anymore." "I've got groceries!" "Everybody owes me $27." "I don't have the cash, but I do have a coupon." "Three tomatoes for a dollar." "You can make soup, you can make sauce, or you can juggle." "It's a bargain." "Get me the cash now." " Hi, Katie!" "You're back." " I'm back!" "Cool, cool." " Hey, everybody." " There she is." "I missed you." "Did you bring us gifts?" "It's okay if you didn't." "My father never did either." " So, how was Chicago?" " It was fine." "It was really good." "Wait, you just said it was fine." "Which was it, fine or good?" "Fine." "It was good." " What's in the bag?" " Cupcakes." "VO: pluch, spirit" "VF: pluch, sehderik, spirit, yeko It's nice for becoming friends in our own right." "We don't need Mark to have a good time." " He's coming, right?" " He said he was." "My God, man, where have you been?" "{\pos(192,210)}I figured out what to do." "No more waiting, no more wondering." "I'm taking Katie to the theater." "{\pos(192,210)}I officially don't care what she did or did not do in Chicago." "No more talk of Chicago." "Forget Chicago." " What are you seeing?" " "Chicago."" "{\pos(192,210)}We agreed that it was best to do nothing," "{\pos(192,210)}- and just let her come to you." " I tried that," "{\pos(192,210)}and she left{\walked out the door} while I stood there looking at her like an idiot." "{\pos(192,210)}Buying theater tickets for her is a huge deal." "It's{\ gonna} seem like a date." "This is the brilliance of my plan." "Partway through, I'll turn it into a date." "{\pos(192,210)}" " How?" " We'll enjoy the show," "{\pos(192,210)}we'll bond over "Chicago's" classic love story" "{\pos(192,210)}of a woman cheating on her husband and murder her lover{\ purely} to get famous," "{\pos(192,210)}then dinner," "{\pos(192,210)}then cupcakes." "{\pos(192,210)}But what if something happened with Katie and David in Chicago?" "Inviting her to a play could be a huge mistake." "{\pos(192,210)}Now this is weird, but I agree with "Napoleon dynamite" over here." "{\pos(192,210)}You could be spending 300 bucks to take another guy's girlfriend to the theater." "Again, this is my brilliance." "I'm going to downplay it." "The "downplay"." " What's the downplay?" " I'll act casual, but it's no big deal." "Two roommates going to a play." "I get it." "A"down" play." "No, the tactic is called the downplay." "Right, got it." "A play that's down like sad." "I'm sorry, I'm trying really hard to fit in here." "Here they come." "Downplay in five, four, three, two..." " Hey, guys." " Hey." "This is so not a big deal at all, but I just got two free tickets to "Chicago" for tomorrow night." "I'll go." "Perfect." "It's not every night you see a couple of men together at a Broadway musical." "No, Thom it's tomorrow night." "You have plans, remember?" "That thing that you do at that place where you do it?" "Ballroom dancing is what I have to do." "Gotta work on my paso doble." " It's the dance of love." " That's the tango." "Don't you learn that in the first class?" "Baby, I learn a lot of things I forget." " So, does anybody else want to go?" " I'll go." " Oh, pick me!" " That was close Hope, but Katie was already standing, and you had to jump up, so..." "I'm gonna go with Katie." "Next time." "{\You know what?" "}Here's a little something for you in the meantime." " What's this?" " A coupon for a huge bag of cat food." "Feeds a hundred cats." " But I don't have a hundred cats." " Yet." "Hey, man." " What are you doing?" " Four-minutes meditation." "At the same time, I'm doing three-minute abs." "Which leaves me one minute for a butt clench." "A little something for the ladies." "What's up?" "I'm going to the theater later." "I need my sport coat." "I left it here when I moved out." "Yeah, that's gone." "Gone?" "What do you mean gone?" "I sold a bag of your things to Alyssa." "It's bad enough she has a crush on me." "Now she has my jacket?" "That's my lucky jacket." "This is a big night for me." "I'm sorry about the jacket, but I ask you..." "Are you prepared if tonight turns romantic with Katie?" " What do you mean?" " It's for you." "It's a personal male grooming device." "For the "frodown below"." " What?" " It's called the "Trailblazer 4000"." "It blazes one happy trail." " The trailblazer?" " Yes, as seen on TV." "It shows the ladies you care, and it gives the illusion of size." "No, not for a bunch of reasons." "Hi, Mark." "The trailblazer 4000." "Is it a party?" "Hi, Alyssa." " Can I get my jacket back?" " No." " But it's mine." " It's not a jacket anymore." "It's a pillow now." "Every night while I sleep, I drool on you." " You can have it." " Thanks." "Well, I have some plans now, and forever." "But before I go, I wrote another song about you." "Put my pimp whip into park cause I'm the matriarch busting rhymes from dawn to dark," "can I get a mark, Mark?" "I'll have a giant cookie, please." "That'll be $14." "For a cookie?" "Does it come with a couch?" "If it makes you feel any better, I have to work 1h30 to make that much." "It does a little." "Thank you." " Quick, hide this bread." " What?" "Why?" " Are you pulling office pranks again?" " Yes." "I took it from Pedro's desk drawer." "His own sandwiches, and he goes crazy when he can't find it." "Quick, quick." "Hide it." "Here he comes." "You'll see, it'll be hilarious." "Stop stealing my bread." "I'm watching you." "Oh, man." "I love it." "Funny stuff." "Why are you putting on red lipstick to go to the theater with Mark?" "{\What are you talking about?" "}I always wear lipstick when I go out." "But it's kind of a slutty color." "I totally love it." " That's not for Mark, is it?" " What?" "No." "It's not like a date." "He practically invited Thom." "I got a whole theory about those two." " Hey, Hope." " Hi." "Hey, Katie, so I was..." "Hope, could you give us a minute?" "She's gonna tell me{\ what you say}, so I might as well hear it for myself." "Please go do some work." "So, Katie, you have any plans for later?" "I do." "Why, is there something really good I'm missing?" "Yes, a business dinner with me at Vita." "Sure it's all business?" "That's a romantic place." "It's romantic business." " Well, can't it wait?" " Absolutely." "Until after dinner." "{\So }This dinner is really important?" "I mean, without food, we would die." "{\So }I'll pick you up here at your desk." "Hope, you can get up now." "{\ So} I have a slight problem here." " I heard." "This is so cool." "Vita is{\, like,} the best restaurant in town." "{\If you had the option to go to }Between dinner with the boss{\ or the} and theater with your friend, what would you do?" "Keep in mind, she and the boss had a very nice time in Chicago, but they didn't{\ technically} cross the line." "I wanted to{\, trust me.}, but I already kissed the friend." "We've all kissed Mark." "It happens." "You gargle and move on." "But I don't remember{\ the kiss} because I was drunk." "{\The point is }I say she should go with the boss to find out where{\ that relationship is} it's going." "But I{\ was wanting} wanted to go{\ to the theater} with the friend to see where{\ that relationship is} it's going." "He's the one I kissed." "{\In addition, }The friend got the tickets for free, {\ so it's not like he}he didn't make a big move or anything." "{\But }Maybe he will at the theater." "She kissed him, he didn't make a move, and now he's invited her to the theater." "I've got a whole theory about him and his little friend." "If you can without the other one finding out, take them both as lovers." "It's exhausting, but worth it." "Katie, I got you a cookie." " Where's Katie?" " There's good news and bad news" " and good news and bad news." " Yeah, go on." "The bad news is Katie's stuck at a business dinner with David." "The good news is you offered the tickets to everyone and probably don't mind." "The other bad news is I've already seen this play." "{\And }The other good news is I didn't have dinner, and that cookie{\ looks} is fantastic." "So{\ David and Katie are} they're having a business dinner?" "Where{\ are they having} is this so-called business dinner?" "Vita." "Now shut up." "{\pos(192,210)}The guy must really love business because that's a romantic place." "{\pos(192,210)}It's fine, but why do people feel the need to eat while they do business?" "{\pos(192,210)}You don't{\ really} enjoy the meal and you don't{\ really} do business.{\ It's a} Bad I idea." "{\pos(192,210)}The show is starting." "Close your cookie hole." "I just don't get it.{\ I mean,} These actors are working{\ right now}." "Are they eating{\ food as well}?" "No." "Thank you." "I was thanking you for shushing him." "Shush you back." "Did he force her{\ to go} because he's her boss?" "There are laws{\ against that}." "{\Because }She seemed{\ pretty} excited about this show." "I paid $300 for these tickets." "I can talk if I want to." "Happy?" "This food is so good." "I wish we could have all our business meals at Vita." "You've got to try the braised pork cheek." "I know it sounds gross, but it's really good." "It just goes to show you, all parts of the pig are delicious." "Bad for them, good for us." "Now you taste mine." "Polenta." "Who knew{\ that if they fried up} a cornmeal fried in butter{\, it} would taste like{\ a little slice of} heaven?" "So..." "So..." "See the crazy sixers game last night?" "Missed it." "Really bummed." " It was a great game." " Shame." "I love... baseball?" " Basketball, Thom." " Right." "I'm trying so hard to fit in." " Hey." " Hey, I got your text." "Did you really go to the restaurant to spy on Katie and David?" "They were making googly eyes at each other while he fed her some{\ gross-looking} meat." "I think we can all admit the downplay's a failure." " Time to get back on the horse." " The whores." "Right." "Horse, Thom." "Horse." "Why would he want to have sex with a horse?" "Maybe you're right." "Maybe I should just move on." "You can't just move on from Katie." "You're supposed to get married and move to the country where I'll live above the garage, bed widow women,{\ and} tend to my beehives." "You still want that for us, don't you?" "I know I do." "Your friend looks sad." "Can we help him?" "Yeah." "This is Mark." "I'm Kelly." "You have really soulful eyes." " Can we sit down?" " Sure." "It's good you're here." "Mark's{\ really} ready to get back on the whores." "That's good." "Wine really goes to my head." "{\That's }A shame." "Look, David, I'm just not sure we should go down this path." "But it's such a pretty path." "Been down that path a million times." "Not a million..." "That would be a lot." "I've been down it a few." "Probably the exact right amount for a woman my age." "It's really good wine." "{\Katie, }The fact that we're attracted to each other already puts us on the path." "You are totally different than anyone I've ever dated." "You are cool and worldly, but sweet and down to earth, and every day I get to see how you are with people." "How you make 'em smile." "You are special." "I'm getting embarrassed." "You're braising my cheeks." "So what's the problem?" "Well, full disclosure." "I recently kissed someone else, and I don't know what's going on there." "Was it Pedro?" "'cause I saw you with his bread." "No, it wasn't Pedro." "Well, then you're right." "This is confusing." "I just have some things I have to figure out." "All right, no problem." "Figure out what you want, and I'll be here." " Really?" " Absolutely." "You are worth waiting for." "How long are we looking at here?" "Can you let me know by midnight?" "There you are." "We have to talk." "What happened?" "Mark paid $300 for those theater tickets, which is shocking because I didn't know he had $300." " Why would he say he got 'em for free?" " I've been thinking about that." "I think he was trying to downplay it." " Why would he downplay it?" " I've been thinking about that, too." "I think it's because he didn't want you to think it was a date, which it was... in his mind." "It was a mind date." "Before I left for Chicago, I waited for Mark to come to me." "He did nothing." "Maybe he regrets being a bumbling scared little boy bitch." "Or..." "Maybe the kiss freaked him out, and he{\ just} wants to hang out{\ with me} as friends, but doesn't want it to seem like he has feelings{\ for me}." "OK, but why the theater?" "He could hang out with you here for free." "Think about this!" "The play was Chicago!" "Shut up, you're right!" "I just went to Chicago with David!" "I know!" "And Mark bought you a giant cookie." " I love giant cookies." " I know." "So I stood Mark up, {\and }I would've loved to have gone." " What are you saying, {\Are you saying }you like him?" " I don't know." " What about David?" "{\ I don't know,} I have until midnight." "{\ Midnight for} What?" " I don't know!" " I hate the downplay!" " It is a bad idea." " {\It's }Never good." " Where is Mark?" " He's at the bar." " I'm gonna go talk to him, see what he meant by the Chicago downplay." "I'll go with you, but you're gonna downplay it, right?" "Of course." "Love the downplay when I use it." " You are just precious." " Stop it." "OK, go on." "If he does like me, he has a weird way of showing it." "The guy kisses everybody." "I'm gonna go grab a bite." "{\You }Wanna come?" "No, thanks." "I'm having lunch here." "I'm starving." "OK, I'll see you in a bit." "Can it wait till after lunch?" "Fine." "Pedro."