"I hate to see" "The evening'sun go down" "I hate to see the evenin'sun go down" "Hey, Pop!" "'Cause my baby" "She done left this town" "Say, Ray Charles?" "Where's my breakfast?" "'Comin' up." "I'm feeling tomorrow" "Just like I feel today" "Feel tomorrow" "Just like I feel today" "I'm gonna pack my trunk" "Make my getaway" "St. Louis woman" "With her diamond ring" "Diamond ring Diamond ring" "I hate to see" "That evening'sun go down" "Take me back home Well, well, well" "What is goin' on in here?" "Are you fixing my breakfast... or is this a Lawrence Welk audition?" "I'm cooking your eggs so they won't be runny." "Last time you say it look like a plateful of Dippity-do." "You've been in here all morning." "Does it take this long to fix eggs?" "Listen." "Nobody rushed the hen that's supplying 'em... so don't rush the cook that's frying 'em." "I haven't got all day, you know." "You sure in a bad mood this morning." "Maybe a hot meal'll make you feel better." "Good, hot breakfast." "How 'bout that?" "See, that's my own special recipe here." "I call it, "De Omelet Fred. "" "That looks terrible, Pop." "How do you expect me to do a hard day's work... on a rotten breakfast like that?" "For the rotten stuff you been bringing in, a rotten breakfast is good enough." "I'm tired of you complaining about the stuff I bring in... because I know what that is." "That's just an excuse to cover up the miserable way you're running this place." "What's wrong with the way I run this place?" "Just look at it, Pop." "Look at this place." "And look at you." "I'm gettin' sick and tired of the whole thing." "I'm getting tired of it." "I'm getting tired of your nagging and complaining... and holding me back, and I've had it." "In other words..." "In other words... you don't like it here." "No, I don't like it here." "And as a matter of fact... if it wasn't for you holding me back..." "I could've been out of this junkyard a long time ago and into an office." "Yeah, the welfare office." "If it wasn't for you taking me out of high school... there's no telling where I would've been now." "The only time you was ever number one is when you was the first dropout." "And look what I dropped into." "A gravy train filled with biscuits." "You ain't gonna find nothin' good as this nowhere else." "I'm gettin' sick and tired of waking up at 6:00 in the morning... and eatin' rotten food and doing all the work around here." "Let me tell you something else." "I'm carrying you." "Where?" "I ain't been nowhere." "I been here all the time and ain't leaving." "You ain't carrying me nowhere, dummy." "That's another thing I'm gettin' tired of you calling me a dummy." "The only reason I call you a dummy is because I call them as I see them." "Dummy." "So you don't think I can make it on my own?" "I know you can't make it on your own." "Then I'm just gonna have to prove it to you!" "What does that mean, you gonna prove it to me?" " I quit." " You mean you quit the partnership?" "Bingo!" "Give the man a cigar." "If you give up your share of the business... then if I die, you won't be gettin' all of this." "You know who'll be gettin' it?" "State of California." "I don't think the State of California would accept it." "They got enough pollution." "So you're really going, huh?" "That mean we won't be seein' each other no more?" "I'll come around and visit you on Fridays like Goldstein's son." "You know, that old junk dealer down the street?" "His son visits him every Friday night and they have chicken soup." "That's because theyJewish." "See, and every Friday night they do something religious." "So is that what we gonna do, something religious?" "Where will you be workin'?" "That's exactly what I'm gonna find out." "I'm going to the unemployment office and see what kind of jobs they got." "I wanna get me a job where I can use my head as well as my hands." "They got it for you." "They'll put a cap on your head and a broom in your hand." "That's very funny, Pop." "And just to show you that there's no hard feelings..." "I'm gonna stick around here until you get somebody to fill my job." "I'll have your job filled tomorrow." " You think so?" "Who you gonna get?" " Anybody." "I'm gonna change the sign from "Sanford and Son" to "Sanford and Anybody. "" "I don't care what you do, I'm gettin' out of here." "I'm gonna get me a job." "I don't care." "Listen, you ain't never gonna find another job like this one." "You'll be back here tomorrow begging for your job." "Ain't nobody gonna hire you." "One thing to be a dummy, and it's another thing to be stupid." "And ain't nobody gonna hire no dummy, stupid." "Stupid dummy." " Mr. Clifford?" "Lamont Sanford." " That's right." "Yes, thank you." "I'll take that." "Please be seated." "First of all, let me ask you a few questions, Mr. Sanford." "What's your educational background?" "I was working toward my PhD, but I didn't quite complete it." "I see." "How far did you get?" "About the tenth grade." "Okay." "What was your last job?" "Well, I was, uh..." "I was in commodities, Mr. Clifford." "Commodities." "Could you clarify that a little?" "You see, I was the head collector." "I collected things that ordinary people don't recognize as being valuable." " You mean, discarded objects?" " In a manner of speaking." "Are you trying to tell me that you're a junk man?" "Actually, that's what I was trying not to tell you." "Let's see if you're qualified for unemployment compensation." "Unemployment compensation?" "I came in here to look for a job." "There's no reason why an able-bodied man... can't find a decent job in this land of opportunity." "I'm here to tell you that I'm prepared to roll up my sleeves and go to work." "I don't have to depend on a mere handout of $65 a week." " It's $75." " It is?" "As much as I hate to, Mr. Clifford, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to..." "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to accept that unemployment check of $75 a week." "Well, you won't have to." "Here's one that's right up your alley." "You know where 9278 South Central Avenue is?" "9278." "That really is up my alley." " That's Ralph Backstrom's junkyard." " Yes." "Mr. Backstrom's looking for someone." "Do I have to take this job?" "There's no chance of me getting unemployment?" "Not as long as we can find you a job right up your alley." "Okay?" "You can start to work in the morning." "First thing in the morning, I want you to go to the Supreme Salvage Company... and pick me up some bathtubs I ordered." "By the way, can you drive a truck?" "Yeah, I know all about trucks." "I can take one apart in five minutes, man." "I ain't talkin' about stripping 'em, I'm talking about driving 'em." " You got a driver's license?" " Oh, yeah, right here." "You sure take an ugly picture." "Oh, that's because it was early in the morning." "When you this ugly in the morning, you that ugly at night." "Look here." "Now, I got..." "I got this address and I got the check." "Here's the address to go pick up them tubs, and take this check." " Okay?" " All right, Mr. Sanford." "Now, if you try to run off with my truck... and try to cash that check, I'll find you." "Might take me a week, might take me a month, might take me years." "But one day, maybe 50 years from now... you'll be walkin' down the street, and when you least expect it... a 115-year-old man gonna jump out of the alley..." "Jump out of the alley with a two-by-four and cave your skull in." "Come on, get to work." " Right on!" " What?" "Right out." "Right on." "Pop, who was that big guy I just saw leaving here?" "Oh, that was King..." "I mean, that was Norman." "Yeah, he's the new fella I hired." " You hired somebody already?" " Sure." "I told you I would." " How'd you do?" " Are you kiddin'?" "I got a job just like that." "Uh, no kiddin'?" "What kind of job is it?" "Got a job in commodities." "Oh, you still in junk." "Listen, Pop, this is a different job." "I got more responsibility on this job." "Mr. Backstrom wants me to take over the whole operation." "Backstrom?" "You going to work for old Big-Nose Backstrom?" " What's wrong with that?" " Nothing." "Everything'll be all right." "Yeah." "You got yourself a new man that you're happy with... and I got myself a new job that I'm happy with." "Yeah." "I guess you'll..." "you'll be leavin' soon, won't you?" "Yeah, it looks that way." "Yeah." "Well, you gonna stay tonight for supper?" "No, it's Friday night." "I got a heavy date." "Friday?" "I almost forgot it was Friday." "What are you doin'?" "Well, if you can go out, I can go out too." "Where you goin'?" "I'm gonna have me some hot chicken soup down with Goldstein and his son." "Shalom." "Hello, Police Department?" "I want to report a stolen 1952 red pickup truck." "Yeah, a big ugly fella driving' it." "I don't know." "He just jumped in and took off!" "Uh, yeah, Norman, it's time you took off." "You don't have to work all day, Norman." "Okay, Norman." "Good-bye, Norman." " Say, who was that?" " That was Norman." "That's a funny thing." "It's almost 6:30, and he still wants to keep on workin'." " He's all over the place." " Oh, yeah?" " What happened to you?" " Oh, I had to work a little late." "Mr. Backstrom wanted some, uh, some advice... about some, some financial matters." "Where were y'all discussing' it?" "In the chimney?" "This?" "I got this helping a couple of my assistants move some merchandise." " Assistants?" " Yeah." "Two guys that work under me." "No kiddin'?" "Well, if you look like that... and two guys work under you, they must still be buried." "The new man's working out okay?" "Where's he at now?" "He's out on the truck." "I guess I'll go upstairs, change my clothes and run down to the diner." " Oh, no." "I got your supper ready." " You have?" "We don't work together, but you still my son." "I got your supper ready." "You sit at the table and I'll get your supper." "Okay, Pop." " You're really tired, huh?" " Me, tired?" "How you gonna get tired when you got assistants?" "Yeah, that's right." "I'll get your supper." "Well, here you are." " How's that?" " That sure smells good, Pop." "You know, when you want to, you really can cook." "What is it?" "It's just steak, green beans and Rice-A-Roni." "It's my own recipe." "I call it "Steak-a-Rice-A-Roni-beany. "" "These are my favorite dishes in the world, Pop." " No kiddin'?" "Isn't that a coincidence." " Yeah." "I'll go get your dessert." "Dessert?" "You got me dessert too?" "Yeah." "You might not like it, but it's all they had at the supermarket." " Deep-dish apple pie." " Hey, Pop, you know that's my favorite." "That's another coincidence." "That's two coincidences in a row." "Ain't that a coincidence?" "Finish eating'." "I'll get this." "Hello?" "Yeah, he's here." "Who's callin'?" "It's ol' Big-Nose Backstrom." "Hello there, R.B." "Excuse me, Pop." "I gotta talk about some business with Mr. Backstrom." "Okay, all right." "I'll get your dessert." "Would you mind closing the door?" "Hello, Mr. Backstrom?" "What do you mean, what am I doing home?" "I worked an hour and a half overtime!" "Did you expect me to unload all those refrigerators by myself?" "I don't get that." "Of course I want the j..." "Listen, if you don't..." "But I..." "What?" "Well, you a white one!" " You still talkin'?" " That's right, R.B." "Okay." "So long." "What did R.B. Want?" "He just wanted to tell me that I did such a great job today... that he's gonna give me some time off." "No kiddin'?" "You only been workin' one day... and now you're goin' on your vacation." " That's not bad." " I'll take two or three days off... and just hang around the house, catch up on my readin'." "Yeah, that's nice." "You got a good job workin' for a nice fella... and I got me a good man workin' for me... a guy that you can like and trust right away." "Yeah, it's nice." " Yeah, that's really nice." " Yeah." "You know what?" "You know what's really nice about it... is we don't work together no more, but we still friends, right?" "Right." "Say, Pop, I think I hear the truck." "You hear the truck?" "Oh, yeah, you hear the truck." "That's Norman." "That's Norman bringing the truck back with the stuff." "You thought he was gonna steal the truck, didn't you?" " What are you talking about?" " Nothin'." "I'm gonna help him unload them bathtubs." "What took you so long?" "You been gone all day!" " I stopped home for a bite to eat." " Where you live, Cleveland?" "Oh, you sure are a trip, Pops." "But you won't be mad at me when you see this great buy I got you." "This is really out of sight." "You ready?" "This is the one." "Hear that, Elizabeth?" "I'm comin' to join ya, honey... with a bear behind." "Wait, Mr. Sanford." "It ain't real!" "It's stuffed." "Stuffed?" "What am I gonna do with a stuffed bear?" "You mean, you don't know what it's for?" "Look." "Every night before you go to bed, take this bear and put it in the window, see." "And then you shine a whole lots of light on it." "Then if any burglars break in and try to steal something... when they see this bear it scares them, see!" " It's a watch bear." " Why, you big dummy!" "A watch bear?" "You a bigger dummy than my dummy!" "I oughta take you and shove you down that bear's throat." "I gave you a check to bring me some bathtubs, and you come with a bear." "If you don't take this bear back..." "I knew you wasn't gonna make it." "Look at you, 200 pounds of brawn and a half ounce of brain." "You get my money for this bear, or I'll get me a crowbar and peel your head." "Come on, Pops, take it easy." " And don't call me Pops." " Hey, Pop!" "I said, don't call me Pop." "Oh." "Hey, son." "Norman and I were just discussin' the rare purchase he just made." " What's it for?" " What's it for?" "Are you kiddin'?" "Move, Norman." "Let me explain to this dummy." "See, this is a watch bear." "You put this in the window... and shine lights up on it and it keeps burglars away." "You put that thing in the window and it'll keep the customers away!" "Excuse us, Norman." "You stay out here and watch the bear." "Don't pull on my clothes." "You know I don't like that." "Sit down." "Listen, this guy's gonna drive you out of business." "He's been gone all day and comes home with a bear." "It's his first day on the job." "You gotta give him time to learn the business." "If we give him anymore time, there won't be no business." "I just can't stand around here and let this guy do this to you... so I'm gonna quit my new job, no matter how good it is... and come back to work here for you." "Well, won't R.B. Be mad?" "I don't care, let him." "Blood's thicker than water." " Yeah, what'd he ever do for you?" " That's right." "Say, Pop, there's just one thing." "What about Norman?" "I wouldn't do it for nobody else but I'd do it for you, son." "I'm gonna fire him." " But won't he be mad?" " I don't care." "Let him be mad." " Right." "What did he ever do for you?" " He brought me a bear." "That's exactly why you should fire him, Pop!" "Yeah, I'm gonna fire him." "Say, Pops, where's my bread, man?" "You want your bread?" "Here." "There's your bread." "Now, you fired." "And don't..." "Don't never call me Pop." " You come out here and say that, Pops." " You come on in here!" "Come on." "Listen, I'll left hook you to death." " Said that out, didn't I?" " Yeah." "Looks like we're back in business again." " Partners once more." " You know it." "Right." "You know what, Pop?" "We can at least say one thing." " We gave it a chance." " Right again." "And we both know that we can make it on our own." " Right." " Right." "Listen, son." "Why don't you get over there and finish your supper?" "'Cause you know why?" "One of the worst things in the world is cold Steak-a-Rice-A-Roni-beany." " Right." " Right." " Nice to have you home where you belong." " It's good to be home, Pop." "Imagine that Norman!" "He really turned out to be bad news." "Imagine somebody buying something as stupid as a watch bear." "You know, I thought about that, and maybe he wasn't too stupid." "What do you mean?" "Last night when you went to sleep I thought I heard a prowler... so I got up, went outside and propped the bear up against the house." " You think that kept the burglars away?" " Of course it did." "Ain't nobody come and steal nothin', did they?" "I don't even want to talk about it." "Did you bring the mail in this morning?" "I forgot." "I'll get it now." "Feelin'tomorrow just like I feel today" "Feelin'tomorrow" "What's the matter, Pop?" "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "Say, Pop!" "Hello?" "Police." "I want to report a stolen watch bear." "Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience."