"Catherine:" "It's gonna be a hot place." "Dan:" "It's in New Jersey." "It's gonna be the hot new place." "New Jersey's gonna be the hot new place?" "The r estaurant's gonna be the hot new place." "The r estaurant's in New Jersey." "Right across the river." "Yeah, but across the river..." "Just on the other side." "" " Which makes it New Jersey." "" " Dan, you gotta trust me." "Ar e other people gonna be ther e?" "Of course other people ar e gonna be ther e." "" " I mean, other people." "" " Yeah." "Who?" "Jay Mclnerney, Ivana Trump." "Inter estingly, the other girl who used to be married to Donald Trump," " whose name I can't..." "" " Right." "She, I grant you, is not A-list." "Trump's ex-wif e?" "The one after lvana whose name I can't r emember." "I like her." "I can't r emember her name, either, although I can tell you she was very good in "Will Rogers Follies."" "What did she do?" "She sang, she danced, I think she twirled a rope." "All I know is, I was finally happy to see her r ealize her dr eam of the stage." "Kim:" "Five minutes to air." "First team in the studio, please." "All I'm saying is that the heat's died down on her a little since she's not with Trump anymor e." "Yeah, and I think that's come as a surprise to all of us." "But it shouldn't stop you f rom showing up tonight." "I will." "Just make an appearance, get your pictur e taken..." "I just said I will." "I will be in New Jersey at midnight tonight." "Should we have a car take us?" "Not when we could just as easily swim across the Hudson, no." "" " You don't want to hir e a car?" "" " We'll take my car." "" " We should hir e a car." "" " I like to drive." "Ther e's gonna be pr ess." "People will see you driving your own car." "Oh, yeah, we wouldn't want it to get out that I have a driver's license." "" " We'll take your car." "" " Yes, we will." "" " Right after the show?" "" " Yes, air eady." "I'm a very important part of your lif e now, Dan." "" " You can't take me f or granted." "" " I don't take you f or granted." "Elliot, this is my publicist's secretary, Catherine something." "" " Br enner, and I'm not a secr etary." "" " Nice to meet you." "" " She's in the 10th grade." "" " I'm 22." "" " We'r e inside 5." "" " You'r e not gonna flake out, right?" "" " Leave me alone." "" " Wher e's Dana?" "" " Editing." "" " Is she talking to me yet?" "" " No." "" " Danny?" "" " What?" "!" "Promise you'r e not going to flake out." "Just go into a room and watch "Felicity," would you?" "Right. [ Chuckles ] At 11:00 on a Thursday?" "Hey, I'm out of the mainstr eam, Catherine." "I better get myself to New Jersey and stat." "Dana, we've got Samaranch f or thr ee minutes via satellite if we want it." "It will come in the 20s, which is fine if you'll let me move Boston." "What do you think?" "" " I'm sorry, was somebody speaking in her e?" "" " Dana..." "" " I thought I heard voices." "" " Dana..." "Oh, must have been mistaken." "" " Look..." " "Saturday Night Live"?" "" " Do you want the damn satellite f eed?" " "Saturday Night Live"?" "Dana, it's just an interview." "" " It's a job interview." "" " That's right." "" " Yes." "" " Yeah." "" " Well, you have a job." "" " Not f or long." "" " Who told you that?" "" " You did." "That was bef or e." "" " Bef or e what?" "" " Bef or e the ratings surge." "" " Ther e hasn't been a ratings surge." "" " Oh, ther e's been a ratings spike." "" " Dana..." "" " In the last 10 days, we have ticked up 2/10 in households, 3/10 in demos 18 to 49, 18 to 35, big market carriers " "Atlanta, Miami, San Francisco, Scottsdale " "Scottsdale's a big market carrier?" "Lot of sports f ans in Scottsdale, Natalie." "The tide is turning, and you know what you do when the tide is turning?" "" " Stay with the boat?" "" " You stay with the boat." "You don't go out on job interviews." "You told me to." "In haste." "Not in haste -- out of experience and expertise in how these things go when these things go down." "Up 2/10 in the last 10 days!" "It's a momentary thing, Dana." "They'r e tuning in f or Agassi." "But I'm saying we build on that." "Nobody's off er ed me anything." "I'm going to have an interview." "" " With "Saturday Night Live." " " Yes." "" " Okay." "" " Do you want the f eed?" "" " I'm sorry?" "" " I said, "Do you want the f eed?"" "" " Was someone talking?" "I thought I heard voices." "" " Dana..." "Dave:" "Roll VTR." "Will: 60 seconds live." "Chris, tell broadcast we'll take the Samaranch f eed." "They'll count in f rom 22." "Dana, you know about the problem with the fir e alarms in the studio?" "What's the problem with the fir e alarms in the studio?" "They go off when ther e's no fir e in the studio." "" " Really?" "" " They've been going off at night." "" " Ar e they gonna go off during the show?" "" " We had them disconnected." "" " What if ther e's a fir e?" "" " It's the studio." "You'll see it on television." "" " Have them connected after the show and then get this fix ed." "Elliot:" "Yeah." "Dan, the Lakers just scor ed 14 unanswer ed in the 4th." "" " Give it to me in the 10s." "" " You want tape?" "Ask Dana." "You want tape?" "I'm sorry, did someone say something?" "That was Jer emy." "You can hear Jer emy." "Oh." "Tape if they get within 6, Danny." "" " Thank you." "Dave: 30 seconds live." "What kind of f ood ar e they serving?" "What do you car e?" "I'm just wondering if it's, uh, native New Jersey cuisine." "[ Scoff s ] It's Fr ench." "" " Ah..." "" " Yes." "I like the Fr ench." "You do?" "Yes, I do." "I like their toast." "Yes." "I like their dr essing." "I like their f ries." "I like their maids." "I like their kissing." "[ Chuckles ] Okay, right now, bef or e we go on the air, the image of you doing that is, like, the last thing I want in my head." "" " I like Fr ench's Mustard." "" " Casey, come on..." "I like Mr. Fr ench." "Dave:" "In 3...2..." "Good evening." "Bonsoir f rom New York City," " [ Laughs ] " " I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell." "" " Hey." "" " Good morning, Jer emy." "Tampa's gonna put La Guardia on waivers." "Is it on the wir e?" "No, but it will be." "" " Don't you want to know what I'm doing?" "" " Okay." "I'm being pro-active, Jer emy." "I'm rolling up my sleeves." "You've heard something new?" "In the last 10 days, we'r e up 2/10 in households, 3/10 with demos 18 to 49, 18 to 35." "Isn't that just Agassi?" "Maybe, maybe not." "But now on the elevator" "I hear Continental Corp suspended trading f or the day on the New York stock ex change." "" " You know why?" "" " No." "" " Me neither, but I'm gonna find out." "" " Okay." "So while the r est of you ar e running around like chickens with your legs cut off," "" " I'm playing a leadership role." "" " Heads cut off." "" " What?" "" " We ar e running around like chickens with our heads cut off." "" " Right." "" " If our legs wer e cut off, we wouldn't be able to run around at all." "I'd be able to throw you around, though, wouldn't I?" "" " Yeah." "" " Okay." "So what ar e you doing?" "" " What am I doing?" "" " Yeah." "" " Let's get Socratic." "" " Okay." "Why is all this happening?" "The cutbacks?" "Well, the cutbacks, losing the Olympic coverage, the deal with Austech, the thr eat of layoff s." "Because Continental Corp's stock has been dropping." "'Cause Continental Corp's stock has been dropping." "Yes, very good." "I see you've been rolling up your sleeves as well." "Yes, I'm alive, and I r ead the newspaper." "Okay." "Industry analysts believe that launching a cable sports network in an alr eady saturated market" " was a mistake f or Continental Corp. " " Yes." "" " And what's the single biggest budget expense for this cable network?" "" " Our show." " "Sports Night." Corr ect." "Ex cellent." "" " Thank you." "Now, my job isn't in jeopardy because..." "" " Well, you'r e the f ranchise." "" " That's right." "Your job isn't in jeopardy because..." "I don't get paid very much." "Yes." "It's people like Natalie whose jobs ar e in jeopardy." "Yes." "" " So what did I do?" "" " You rolled up your sleeves." " [ Snaps fingers ] I got pro-active." "" " Natalie will r est easier." "The power of the Internet, my f riend." "I got on-line." "I didn't know you knew how to do that." "Oh, a guy f rom tech support taught me." "" " Should have asked me." "" " I was a little embarrassed." "I can't imagine why." "Look at this morning's stock quotes." "We opened up 2 2/8." "The SP index has us over 900 f or the first time in 18 months, and we'r e very competitive with MCI WorldCom." "Couple mor e days of this, and I'm r eady to pronounce this a healthy stock issue with a very promising fiscal outlook." "Yes." "You know you'r e looking at the stock analysis f or Continental Coil, right?" "" " Hmm." "" " Yeah." "" " Continental Coil." "" " Yes." "" " That's not us." "" " No." ""Saturday Night Live," of all places." "Did I tell you to keep it to yourself?" "Yes." "" " Did I?" "" " Yes." "You said, "Doesn't it look to you like they'r e talking about cutbacks?"" "I said, "Yes." You said, "Natalie's in jeopardy."" "I said, "Yes." And what else did I say?" "You said, "Keep it to yourself."" "I said, "Keep it to yourself!"" "I said, "Bef or e we start a panic," " let's know what we'r e talking about." " " Yes." "" " Did you keep it to yourself?" "" " No." "" " What did you do?" "" " I told Natalie." "" " And what happened?" "" " Panic ensued." "Plan well-ex ecuted." "" " Ar e you growing a beard?" "" " No." "" " Did you shave this morning?" "" " No." "" " Why?" "" " I like an electric razor." "You should buy one." "I have one." "I have f our." "" " You have f our electric razors." "" " Yes." "" " Why?" "" " I like them." "Is your electricity not working?" "Esther baby-proof ed the house." "[ Laughing ] Matthew's her e." "I totally f orgot." "When was the last time you saw him?" "About nine months ago -- bef or e the stroke." "Matthew's her e." "The kid can't even walk yet." "Why ar e we locking the medicine cabinets?" "" " Does he crawl?" "" " Not up walls, no." "" " Hey." "" " Hey." "Tampa's gonna put La Guardia on waivers." "" " Is that f or r eal?" "" " Will be in a few minutes." "I should go." "Yes." "Isn't it gr eat?" "What?" "Matthew's her e." "Get out." "Okay." "He's meeting with some budget guys at 4 :00." "Mitchel?" "Yeah, and Sid Janus and Janet Alperin." "You'r e talking to me." "Yes." "I'm just pointing that out." "" " I'm talking to you again." "" " I'm glad." "" " What time's your interview?" "" " It's on the dinner br eak." "Let me tell you why it's not gonna go well." "" " What?" "" " Let me tell you why your job interview is gonna go very badly." "Why?" "You'r e not f unny." "" " I don't need to be f unny." "" " Yes, you do." "They'r e looking f or a studio producer." "I don't think I have to write the show." "You might." "" " What?" "" " In an emergency." "What kind of emergency?" "A writer emergency." "Ther e's not gonna be a writer emergency." "Ther e could be." "Also, they expect you to be f unny at the control room and then later on at the post-show party." "I am f unny." "No, you'r e not." "You'r e not f unny in the control room, you'r e not f unny at the post-show party, and you ar e not f unny in a writer emergency." "" " You'r e just trying to undermine my confidence." "" " That's right." "" " What?" "" " I said, "That's right."" "You'r e trying to undermine my confidence?" "And undermine it I will, f or I am queen of the mind game, baby." "I am in your head now, and this is me all day long ther e, Malibu Barbie." "" " Dana..." "" " You're short, and nobody likes you very much." "I'm gonna go start the camera test." "Princess of the psych-out, baby!" "Hey." "" " Hey." "" " Hey." "I'm in her head now." "" " Good." "" " Good." "I got the psychological end of this cover ed." "Well, Jer emy and I ar e taking car e of business over her e." "Good." "" " Yep." "" " Yep." "So we r eally have nothing to worry about?" "" " Yeah." "" " Yeah." "[ Keyboard keys clicking ]" "Good." "Inter esting." "Very inter esting." "Casey:" "Yeah?" "What do you got?" "Well, the Dow Jones industrials ar e down 4.9%, which is its biggest loss since October 15th, while the NASDAQ composite remained in positive territory." "" " You know what that means?" "" " What?" "No, I'm asking you." "" " No, do you?" "" " No." "Okay." "Hey." "" " Hey." "" " Hey." "Wher e's Dan?" "Uh, he's got Spr ewell at the Garden." "Okay, well, then, Jer emy, can I talk to you f or a second?" "Yes." "Keep an eye on this." "What ar e the warning signs?" "What am I looking for?" "Uh, r ed lights ar e gonna start going off on the computer with bells and a sir en, and that means we'r e all in trouble." "Really?" "Yeah." "Ohh." "Dana's been trying to psych me out." "" " Really?" "" " She's been trying to undermine my confidence so I tank the interview." "That doesn't sound like Dana." "" " Well, it's coming f rom a place of love." "" " Yes." "Anyway, it's ridiculous, and, obviously, it's not gonna work." "But I just wanted a f ew words of encouragement, and so I came to you." "" " No, you came to Dan." "" " And then you." "" " Okay." "" " So what do you think?" "I think you'r e gonna do gr eat." "You'r e poised, you'r e experienced, you'r e gonna do fine." "" " Thank you." "" " The only thing I'd worry about is your limited vocabulary." "What?" "" " Your extr emely limited vocabulary." "" " Jer emy..." "It's not so much that it's limited, it's that you don't know that it's limited." "" " Meaning..." "" " You f r equently misuse words." "Dana got to you." "" " You'r e gonna be fine." "" " Thank you." "I wouldn't worry about the height thing." "[ Knocks ] A f riend!" "Thank God." "Hey, Dan." "" " Hey, dumbass." "" " Danny!" "I saw Dana in the hallway." "I hate all of you." "How was the thing last night?" "It was ridiculous, and I'm not doing anything like it again." "Was Marla Maples ther e?" "That's her name!" "Yes, she was ther e." "Thank you." "" " Nice girl." "" " Lovely girl." "Saw her in the "Will Rogers Follies."" "" " The girl can twirl a rope." "" " No doubt about it." "Anyway, I f elt stupid, and I'm not doing those things anymor e." "" " Okay." "" " The high-water mark was when I was mistaken f or a Backstr eet Boy." "" " Is ther e a Backstr eet Boy I look like?" "" " Yeah." "" " Which one?" "" " That guy." "Hey." "How was the thing last night?" "I'm firing my publicist." "" " Really?" "" " I've invited him up here to fire him." "I thought your publicist was a woman." "That's my guy's assistant." "My publicist is a man." "" " And you invited him up her e to fir e him " " Yes." "instead of doing it over the phone?" "" " That would've been rude." "" " Sur e." "What ar e you doing?" "Looking out f or our f utur e." "" " Really?" "" " Yep." "Hmm...well, I f eel better alr eady." "Isaac:" "You're gonna be terrific." "" " Thank you." "" " And don't worry about Dana and Danny and Jer emy." "Everyone wants the best f or you." "Any last-minute advice?" "Stay away f rom big words and don't try to be f unny." "I'm going now." "" " Hey." "" " I'm going now." "Is that what you'r e wearing?" "I hate you!" "She's totally cooked." "[ Chuckles ] What do you need?" "How did it go?" "" " The budget meeting?" "" " Yeah." "I don't know." "What do you mean?" "Something's going on." "Like what?" "Sid Janus was acting strange." "Sid Janus always acts strange." "Yeah." "I bought this at lunch." "It's f or Matthew." "What is it?" "Franklin the Turtle." "[ Laughs ]" "Yeah, he'll like that." "What is the matter with you?" "What?" "What's the matter with you?" "A week ago, you couldn't wait to see Matthew." "All you talked about was Matthew." "You wer e driving us nuts with Matthew." "Now, all of a sudden, he's a burden." "He's not a burden." "He's a pain in the ass, and you want him and his par ents out." "That's not true." ""I can't use my electric razor."" ""They baby-proof ed the medicine cabinets."" ""I don't like your turtle puppet."" "I didn't say a word about the turtle puppet." "" " Isaac..." "" " Matthew's af raid of me." "" " What do you mean?" "" " He's af raid of me." "When I come to him to pick him up, he shrieks and runs to his mother or his f ather or Esther." "He hasn't seen you since he was 7 months old." "He doesn't know you." "Nah." "Isaac " "The way I walk " "I look like the monsters in cartoons he watches." "And, you know, late at night when I come home, my speech is worse, and my f acial muscles, uh, you know, I try, but..." "Isaac." "But when I'm tir ed..." "It's the stroke, Dana." "He's af raid of me." "Maybe." "Maybe." "Maybe right now he is." "But he's a year and a half old, and he'll get over it." "[ Chuckles ] Yes, he will." "And I'm happy to give him the turtle puppet." "Okay." "Anyway..." "Sid Janus was acting strange." "Okay." "[ Keyboard keys clicking ] Nabisco's up 1/4." "You have stock in Nabisco?" "" " I have 10 shar es." "" " Really?" "I bought it thr ee hours ago." "It's the heartbeat of my portf olio." "People ar e gonna buy those cookies." "That's what I'm saying." "How many times ar e the two of you gonna check that scr een?" "Well, we'r e monitoring our f utur e, Danny." "What ar e you looking f or, exactly?" "Jer emy says ther e'll be bells and a sir en, then we'll know we'r e in trouble." "You know I was kidding when I said that, right?" "Yeah." "Okay." "" " Hey." "" " Catherine." "" " Am I late?" "" " I was expecting Paul." "Paul sent me." "" " Why?" "" " I'm your account." "Paul's my account." "You're Paul's assistant." "And I'm your girl." "Everybody out." "I need to speak to Catherine." "I've got to monitor our f utur e, Danny." "" " We can do it out ther e." "" " We can?" "" " Yeah." "" " How?" "Every single desk has a computer terminal out ther e." "Yeah, they all have this stuff on them?" "Yes, Casey, they'r e all hooked up to the magical Internet." "Casey, come on." "[ Sighs deeply ] I'll be out ther e." "" " Hi." "" " Hi." "You'r e fir ed." "I'm fir ed?" "Technically, Paul's fir ed." "Danny, you'r e my account." "" " You'r e my girl?" "" " Yeah." "Then you're fired, too." "You don't think we'r e good publicists?" "I think you'r e fine publicists." "I just don't want to do this anymor e." "Do what anymor e?" "I'm not a war corr espondent f or Radio Fr ee Europe, but I do take what I do seriously." "And I just don't want to do these things anymor e." "You know, f or an hour a night," "I got thr ee million people looking at me." "That's plenty of attention f or one guy." "" " Okay." "" " It was good knowing you, though." "I appr eciate the work." "" " Do you mind if I say something?" "" " No." "You'r e r eally f ull of it, Dan." "I don't think I am." "No, I r eally think you ar e." "Ther e ar e these things you want, and you'r e ashamed that you want them, and then you get mad at the people who try to give them to you." "And you make these judgments." "Like, you decided off the bat that I'm dumb, which I'm not." "Being a publicist isn't Radio Free Europe, either, Danny." "I know what most people think of us." "But I wanted to be one, so I'm going after it." "You want to be f amous." "I don't think there's always something wrong with that." "I'm told being f amous is enjoyable." "I can understand why you would want it, particularly when it translates dir ectly into business f or you and your show at a time when both could use it." "You came to us, Danny." "If you want to fir e us, that's fine, but don't look down your nose at me." "It's r eally unbecoming." "[ Telephone ringing ]" "[ Sighs deeply ]" "Catherine." "Yes." "All right, one -- fine, one condition." "I never have to go to New Jersey." "You go wher e I tell you to go." "All right, no conditions." "" " I'll tell Paul." "" " Fine." "But I'm your account, right?" "" " Right." "" " Okay." "Have a good show." "Want to stay and watch?" "I'm going home." "I taped "Felicity."" "You'r e kidding." "Yes." "Oh, okay." "You did one on me ther e." "Have a good show." "[ Lighter drops ]" "Dave:" "Five minutes to air." "Natalie:" "Dana?" "" " First team to the studio, please." "Five minutes." "[ Knock on door ]" "[ Sighs, clears throat ] Come in." "" " I'm back." "" " Yes." "" " I've been back f or a while now." "I didn't know if you knew." "" " Yeah." "" " Dana, your garbage can's on fir e." "" " Oh." "Her e." "Paper, you know, is combustible." "[ Water pouring, fir e hissing ] What do I look like, Fir eman Bob?" "Anyway, I'm back." "How did it go?" "" " I totally tanked." "" " Yeah?" "" " No confidence." "" " Yeah?" "No communication skills, no sense of humor." "Certain that my heels wer en't high enough." "I'm sorry." "They kind of gave me a courtesy listen f or about an hour, but it was over pr etty early." "Tr ey Curtis called f rom "Saturday Night Live."" "He said you killed." "He said they off er ed to beat your salary by 25%right ther e in the room." "He couldn't believe you passed." "I've been her e since the first show, Dana." "I went into the bathroom and thr ew up bef or e that show." "You got to have a lot invested in something to boot as spectacularly as I did before that first show." "I really believe I'm a big part of this." "I'd be crazy not to stick around and see how it turned out." "Good." "Also, seriously," " one day you're gonna burn the building down." "" " I know." "" " Well, try and change in that r egard." "" " I don't know how." "Don't smoke." "Natalie, I don't think I do a very good job in showing you how much I r espect you." "Yes, you do." "3 minutes to air." "" " First team to the studio." "3 minutes." "" " It said "stand by."" "I saw it say "stand by." Jer emy, didn't it say "stand by"?" "" " It still says "stand by." " " It still says "stand by."" "It's been five minutes now that thing has said "stand by."" "Elliot:" "Does anybody smell smoke?" "" " What the hell's going on?" "" " It says "stand by."" "We'r e on the air in thr ee minutes." "Chris:" "I smell smoke, too." "" " Dana lit her office on fir e." "" " Ah." "" " Ther e's still some smoke." "" " Let's go." "Dana, Jer emy hacked into this amazing thing." "It's giving us a 2 4-hour r eal-time business update, and it's technologically calibrated to flag us, essentially, when ther e is an important business update r egarding Continental Corp." "Casey, listen to me " " I logged on to Continental Corp." "I know." "You'r e a magician, Jer emy." "" " Guys..." "" " Dana, the point is, we got the "stand by" signal a few minutes ago." "It could honestly indicate a major stock leap or a merger or any number of things that would qualify as a miracle around her e." "Well, we'r e gonna have to find out later." "[ Computer beeps ] Hang on." "Wow." "" " Oh..." "" " What?" "We'r e f or sale?" "[ Fir e alarm ringing and blaring ]" "" " Jer emy?" "" " Yeah?" "" " That's the fir e alarm, right?" "" " Yeah." "[ Alarm stops ]" "Let's worry about it in an hour." "Let's go!" "[ Rock music plays ]"