"beth:" "So,dad,guesswhat  tomorrow is." "rick:" "Martinlutherking" "Tomorrow is." "rick:" "Martinlutherking jr.'s birthday." "rick:" "Martinlutherking jr.'s birthday." "beth:" "No." "Jr.'s birthday." "beth:" "No." "Well, it..." "Might be." "beth:" "No." "Well, it..." "Might be." "rick:" "Itis ." "Well, it..." "Might be." "rick:" "Itis ." "beth:" "Fine." "rick:" "Itis ." "beth:" "Fine." "But also, tomorrow is your beth:" "Fine." "But also, tomorrow is your one-year anniversary back in our" "But also, tomorrow is your one-year anniversary back in our lives." "One-year anniversary back in our lives." "I'm gonna make you" "Lives." "I'm gonna make you flying-saucer-shaped pancakes." "I'm gonna make you flying-saucer-shaped pancakes." "rick:" "Oh,t-t-there'snoneed" "Flying-saucer-shaped pancakes." "rick:" "Oh,t-t-there'snoneed  to do that, beth." "rick:" "Oh,t-t-there'snoneed  to do that, beth." "Regular pancakes are fine." "To do that, beth." "Regular pancakes are fine." "[ loud warble ] [ all scream ] morty:[ groans] jerry:" "Oh,my god!" "morty:[ groans] jerry:" "Oh,my god!" "Oh, what is happening?" "!" "beth:" "Happyanniversary,dad ." "rick:" "Oh,Iget it." "Regular pancakes are already rick:" "Oh,Iget it." "Regular pancakes are already shaped like flying saucers." "Regular pancakes are already shaped like flying saucers." "Mmm." "Shaped like flying saucers." "Mmm." "I-I should be making you" "Mmm." "I-I should be making you breakfast for putting up with" "I-I should be making you breakfast for putting up with me." "Breakfast for putting up with me." "jerry:" "Youshouldbemaking" "Me." "jerry:" "Youshouldbemaking us a whole restaurant." "jerry:" "Youshouldbemaking us a whole restaurant." "beth:" "Nonsense." "Us a whole restaurant." "beth:" "Nonsense." "We couldn't be happier to have beth:" "Nonsense." "We couldn't be happier to have you around." "We couldn't be happier to have you around." "I just wish I got to see more of" "You around." "I just wish I got to see more of you." "I just wish I got to see more of you." "[ loud warble ]" "You." "[ loud warble ] ricksanchezof earth [ loud warble ] ricksanchezof earth dimension c-137, you are under ricksanchezof earth dimension c-137, you are under arrest for crimes against" "Dimension c-137, you are under arrest for crimes against alternate ricks by the authority" "Arrest for crimes against alternate ricks by the authority of the trans-dimensional council" "Alternate ricks by the authority of the trans-dimensional council of ricks." "Of the trans-dimensional council of ricks." "jerry:" "Hey!" "Whatthe heck?" "!" "Of ricks." "jerry:" "Hey!" "Whatthe heck?" "!" "neutralizethejerry." "jerry:" "Hey!" "Whatthe heck?" "!" "neutralizethejerry." "jerry:" "Wait!" "No !" "I'll-- neutralizethejerry." "jerry:" "Wait!" "No !" "I'll-- summer:" "Dad!" "jerry:" "Wait!" "No !" "I'll-- summer:" "Dad!" "beth:" "Dad!" "summer:" "Dad!" "beth:" "Dad!" "morty:" "Rick!" "beth:" "Dad!" "morty:" "Rick!" "rick:" "Everybody,relax." "morty:" "Rick!" "rick:" "Everybody,relax." "If I know these a-holes, and I rick:" "Everybody,relax." "If I know these a-holes, and I am these a-holes, they just" "If I know these a-holes, and I am these a-holes, they just want to haul me to their stupid" "Am these a-holes, they just want to haul me to their stupid clubhouse and waste my time with" "Want to haul me to their stupid clubhouse and waste my time with a bunch of questions." "Clubhouse and waste my time with a bunch of questions." "Let's get it over with." "A bunch of questions." "Let's get it over with." "bringhis[burps]morty." "Let's get it over with." "bringhis[burps]morty." "morty:" "Oh,man." "bringhis[burps]morty." "morty:" "Oh,man." "rick:" "Leavemy [burps]morty morty:" "Oh,man." "rick:" "Leavemy [burps]morty out of this." "rick:" "Leavemy [burps]morty out of this." "youlosttherighttohavea" "Out of this." "youlosttherighttohavea  say in these things when you youlosttherighttohavea  say in these things when you refused to j-- [burps] join the" "Say in these things when you refused to j-- [burps] join the council." "Refused to j-- [burps] join the council." "beth:" "W-w-w-whataboutjerry?" "Council." "beth:" "W-w-w-whataboutjerry?" "rick:" "Willyouatleast beth:" "W-w-w-whataboutjerry?" "rick:" "Willyouatleast unfreeze my daughter's idiot?" "rick:" "Willyouatleast unfreeze my daughter's idiot?" "jerry:..." "Giveyouanything!" "Unfreeze my daughter's idiot?" "jerry:..." "Giveyouanything!" "I have a rare antique-coin jerry:..." "Giveyouanything!" "I have a rare antique-coin collection!" "I have a rare antique-coin collection!" "Just don't hurt me!" "Okay, maybe not antique, but it was a limited minting." "They have little r2-d2s instead" "Was a limited minting." "They have little r2-d2s instead of george washington." "They have little r2-d2s instead of george washington." "beth:" "Ourson'sbeen" "Of george washington." "beth:" "Ourson'sbeen abducted!" "beth:" "Ourson'sbeen abducted!" "jerry:" "Youhatemeforbuying" "Abducted!" "jerry:" "Youhatemeforbuying those coins!" "morty:" "Geez,rick,w-whatis this place?" "rick:" "Thecitadelofricks." "This place?" "rick:" "Thecitadelofricks." "It's the secret headquarters for rick:" "Thecitadelofricks." "It's the secret headquarters for the council of ricks." "It's the secret headquarters for the council of ricks." "morty:" "Councilof ricks?" "The council of ricks." "morty:" "Councilof ricks?" "rick:" "Asyouknow,morty, morty:" "Councilof ricks?" "rick:" "Asyouknow,morty, I've got a lot of enemies in the rick:" "Asyouknow,morty, I've got a lot of enemies in the universe that consider my genius" "I've got a lot of enemies in the universe that consider my genius a threat -- galactic terrorists," "Universe that consider my genius a threat -- galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators," "A threat -- galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators, most of the entire intergalactic" "A few sub-galactic dictators, most of the entire intergalactic government." "Most of the entire intergalactic government." "W-w-wherever you find people" "Government." "W-w-wherever you find people with heads up their asses," "W-w-wherever you find people with heads up their asses, someone wants a piece of your" "With heads up their asses, someone wants a piece of your grandpa, and a lot of versions" "Someone wants a piece of your grandpa, and a lot of versions of me on different timelines had" "Grandpa, and a lot of versions of me on different timelines had the same problem, so a few" "Of me on different timelines had the same problem, so a few thousand versions of me had the" "The same problem, so a few thousand versions of me had the ingenious idea of banding" "Thousand versions of me had the ingenious idea of banding together like a herd of cattle" "Ingenious idea of banding together like a herd of cattle or a school of fish or those" "Together like a herd of cattle or a school of fish or those people who answer questions on" "Or a school of fish or those people who answer questions on yahoo!" "Answers." "People who answer questions on yahoo!" "Answers." "morty:" "Hey!" "Whatdoyouknow?" "Yahoo!" "Answers." "morty:" "Hey!" "Whatdoyouknow?" "It's a cowboy version of me." "morty:" "Hey!" "Whatdoyouknow?" "It's a cowboy version of me." "rick:" "Geez,you'reeasyto" "It's a cowboy version of me." "rick:" "Geez,you'reeasyto impress." "rick:" "Geez,you'reeasyto impress." "Yeah, most timelines have a" "Impress." "Yeah, most timelines have a rick, and most ricks have a" "Yeah, most timelines have a rick, and most ricks have a morty." "Rick, and most ricks have a morty." "This place is a real who's who" "Morty." "This place is a real who's who of who's you and me." "This place is a real who's who of who's you and me." "turnyourboring,old morty" "Of who's you and me." "turnyourboring,old morty into a f-- hot fashion statement turnyourboring,old morty into a f-- hot fashion statement with some morty dazzlers." "Into a f-- hot fashion statement with some morty dazzlers." "hey,checkthisout ." "With some morty dazzlers." "hey,checkthisout ." "showmethemorty." "hey,checkthisout ." "showmethemorty." "rick:" "Dumb." "showmethemorty." "rick:" "Dumb." "excuseme,sir,isyour morty rick:" "Dumb." "excuseme,sir,isyour morty insured?" "excuseme,sir,isyour morty insured?" "You know, every year, hundreds" "Insured?" "You know, every year, hundreds of mortys are injured " "You know, every year, hundreds of mortys are injured -- rick:" "Backoff!" "Of mortys are injured -- rick:" "Backoff!" "Not my cup of tea, this place." "rick:" "Backoff!" "Not my cup of tea, this place." "I say the point of being a rick" "Not my cup of tea, this place." "I say the point of being a rick is being a rick." "I say the point of being a rick is being a rick." "saveyouranti-rickspeech" "Is being a rick." "saveyouranti-rickspeech for the council of ricks, saveyouranti-rickspeech for the council of ricks, terror-rick." "For the council of ricks, terror-rick." "rick:" "Hey,saveyourrick" "Terror-rick." "rick:" "Hey,saveyourrick  rules for the [burps] rick:" "Hey,saveyourrick  rules for the [burps] sheep-ricks, rick-pig." "Rules for the [burps] sheep-ricks, rick-pig." "[bleep]me,pal." "Sheep-ricks, rick-pig." "[bleep]me,pal." "rick:[ bleep]you?" "[bleep]me,pal." "rick:[ bleep]you?" "No, no, no, no, no." "rick:[ bleep]you?" "No, no, no, no, no." "[bleep] me." "bringuptheholograms." "27 ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines -- an 27 ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines -- an unprecedented rick-icidal" "Their own timelines -- an unprecedented rick-icidal epidemic." "Unprecedented rick-icidal epidemic." "What say you, earth rick c-137?" "Epidemic." "What say you, earth rick c-137?" "rick:" "YouthinkIdidthis?" "What say you, earth rick c-137?" "rick:" "YouthinkIdidthis?" "Why am I the first rick you pull rick:" "YouthinkIdidthis?" "Why am I the first rick you pull in every time a rick stubs his" "Why am I the first rick you pull in every time a rick stubs his toe?" "In every time a rick stubs his toe?" "you[ burps]haveahistoryof" "Toe?" "you[ burps]haveahistoryof non-cooperation with the you[ burps]haveahistoryof non-cooperation with the council." "Non-cooperation with the council." "rick:" "Yeah,so doesthe" "Council." "rick:" "Yeah,so doesthe  scientist formerly known as rick:" "Yeah,so doesthe  scientist formerly known as rick." "Scientist formerly known as rick." "W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in" "Rick." "W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in handcuffs?" "W-w-w-w-w-why isn't he here in handcuffs?" "becausehe'sdead,too !" "Handcuffs?" "becausehe'sdead,too !" "[ crowd gasping, groaning ] becausehe'sdead,too !" "[ crowd gasping, groaning ] who else would you have us [ crowd gasping, groaning ] who else would you have us question?" "Who else would you have us question?" "You fit the profile." "Question?" "You fit the profile." "Of all the ricks in the central" "You fit the profile." "Of all the ricks in the central finite curve, you're the" "Of all the ricks in the central finite curve, you're the malcontent, the rogue." "Finite curve, you're the malcontent, the rogue." "rick:" "I 'mtherick,and so" "Malcontent, the rogue." "rick:" "I 'mtherick,and so were the rest of you before you rick:" "I 'mtherick,and so were the rest of you before you formed this stupid alliance." "Were the rest of you before you formed this stupid alliance." "You wanted to be safe from the" "Formed this stupid alliance." "You wanted to be safe from the government, so you became a" "You wanted to be safe from the government, so you became a stupid government." "Government, so you became a stupid government." "That makes every rick here less" "Stupid government." "That makes every rick here less rick than me." "That makes every rick here less rick than me." "[ crowd grumbling ]" "Rick than me." "[ crowd grumbling ] yeah, murmur it up, d-bags." "[ crowd grumbling ] yeah, murmur it up, d-bags." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've" "Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got pancakes back home with" "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got pancakes back home with syrup on top of them." "Got pancakes back home with syrup on top of them." "They're about to hit that" "Syrup on top of them." "They're about to hit that critical point of syrup" "They're about to hit that critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cakes" "Critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste, and I hate" "Absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste, and I hate to get all andy rooney about it," "Into a gross paste, and I hate to get all andy rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy" "To get all andy rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy disks of cake with syrup on top," "But I think we all like fluffy disks of cake with syrup on top, and I think we also like to be" "Disks of cake with syrup on top, and I think we also like to be accused of crimes when there's" "And I think we also like to be accused of crimes when there's evidence!" "Accused of crimes when there's evidence!" "So, as they say in canada," "Evidence!" "So, as they say in canada, peace oot!" "So, as they say in canada, peace oot!" "evidence!" "Goodidea." "Peace oot!" "evidence!" "Goodidea." "Scan his portal gun!" "evidence!" "Goodidea." "Scan his portal gun!" "rick:" "Oh,comeon." "Scan his portal gun!" "rick:" "Oh,comeon." "Don't look at another man's rick:" "Oh,comeon." "Don't look at another man's portal-gun history." "Don't look at another man's portal-gun history." "We -- we all go to weird places." "Portal-gun history." "We -- we all go to weird places." "yes,butit appearsyou alone" "We -- we all go to weird places." "yes,butit appearsyou alone have been going to the exact yes,butit appearsyou alone have been going to the exact timelines and locations in which" "Have been going to the exact timelines and locations in which the murders occurred." "Timelines and locations in which the murders occurred." "[ crowd grumbling ]" "The murders occurred." "[ crowd grumbling ] rick:" "What?" "!" "[ crowd grumbling ] rick:" "What?" "!" "That's rick-diculous!" "rick:" "What?" "!" "That's rick-diculous!" "I'm obviously being set up." "That's rick-diculous!" "I'm obviously being set up." "earthrickc-137,the council" "I'm obviously being set up." "earthrickc-137,the council of ricks sentences you to the earthrickc-137,the council of ricks sentences you to the machine of unspeakable doom," "Of ricks sentences you to the machine of unspeakable doom, which swaps your conscious and" "Machine of unspeakable doom, which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering" "Which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while" "Unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while everything you've known becomes" "Your fantasies pointless while everything you've known becomes impossible to grasp." "Everything you've known becomes impossible to grasp." "Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs" "Impossible to grasp." "Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs your balls." "Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs your balls." "rick:" "I 'veheardenough." "Your balls." "rick:" "I 'veheardenough." "[ burps ] rick:" "I 'veheardenough." "[ burps ] run, morty!" "[ burps ] run, morty!" "morty:[ panting]" "Run, morty!" "morty:[ panting] unh-unh." "Notyou." "morty:[ panting] unh-unh." "Notyou." "morty:[ panting] unh-unh." "Notyou." "morty:[ panting] aaaah!" "[screams] [screams] [ loud farting ] [ steady farting in distance ] morty:" "Oh!" "Oh !" "[ dialing ] yeah,I 'dliketo orderone  large person with extra people, yeah,I 'dliketo orderone  large person with extra people, please." "Large person with extra people, please." "whitepeople." "Please." "whitepeople." "No, no, no, no." "Black people." "whitepeople." "No, no, no, no." "Black people." "And hispanic on half." "No, no, no, no." "Black people." "And hispanic on half." "morty:[ panting] [ dialing ] yes,I 'dliketo orderone  large sofa chair with extra yes,I 'dliketo orderone  large sofa chair with extra chair, please." "Large sofa chair with extra chair, please." "highchair." "Chair, please." "highchair." "No, no, no, no." "Recliner." "highchair." "No, no, no, no." "Recliner." "And wheelchair on half." "No, no, no, no." "Recliner." "And wheelchair on half." "morty:[ panting]" "And wheelchair on half." "morty:[ panting] [ all speaking gibberish ] theycouldhavegoneinto any one of these." "[groans]" "One of these." "[groans] son of a... [groans] son of a..." "oh,geez." "Son of a..." "oh,geez." "oh,man!" "oh,geez." "oh,man!" "welost'em." "oh,man!" "welost'em." "yeah,I 'dliketo orderone  welost'em." "yeah,I 'dliketo orderone  large phone with extra phones, yeah,I 'dliketo orderone  large phone with extra phones, please." "Large phone with extra phones, please." "cellphone." "Please." "cellphone." "No, no, no, no." "Rotary." "cellphone." "No, no, no, no." "Rotary." "And pay phone on half." "No, no, no, no." "Rotary." "And pay phone on half." "rick:" "That'llkeep'em" "And pay phone on half." "rick:" "That'llkeep'em  [burps] busy for a while." "morty:" "Thoseguyswerewrong, right?" "Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill" "Right?" "Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill yourself -- y-y-yourselves." "Y-y-y-you d-- you wouldn't kill yourself -- y-y-yourselves." "rick:" "Ofcoursenot ,morty." "Yourself -- y-y-yourselves." "rick:" "Ofcoursenot ,morty." "How could that profit me?" "rick:" "Ofcoursenot ,morty." "How could that profit me?" "But someone out there is killing" "How could that profit me?" "But someone out there is killing ricks, and the council ain't" "But someone out there is killing ricks, and the council ain't gonna stop thinking it's me" "Ricks, and the council ain't gonna stop thinking it's me until we clear our names " "Gonna stop thinking it's me until we clear our names -- by finding the real rick-killer." "Until we clear our names -- by finding the real rick-killer." "morty:" "I 'mscared,rick." "By finding the real rick-killer." "morty:" "I 'mscared,rick." "Maybe we should go home and morty:" "I 'mscared,rick." "Maybe we should go home and stockpile weapons, like that" "Maybe we should go home and stockpile weapons, like that show "doomsday preppers."" "Stockpile weapons, like that show "doomsday preppers." rick:" "Notreallymystyle," "Show "doomsday preppers." rick:" "Notreallymystyle, morty." "rick:" "Notreallymystyle, morty." "Besides, your home is most" "Morty." "Besides, your home is most likely swarming with ricks by" "Besides, your home is most likely swarming with ricks by now." "allright,listen,jerry." "If rick calls, this device is gonna trace his location." "If rick calls, this device is gonna trace his location." "You just got to keep him on the" "Gonna trace his location." "You just got to keep him on the phone for 30 seconds or longer." "You just got to keep him on the phone for 30 seconds or longer." "beth:" "Whowantslemonade?" "Phone for 30 seconds or longer." "beth:" "Whowantslemonade?" "oh,yeah." "beth:" "Whowantslemonade?" "oh,yeah." "Mmm!" "oh,yeah." "Mmm!" "Oh!" "Delicious!" "Mmm!" "Oh!" "Delicious!" "beth[ belches]you'rea" "Oh!" "Delicious!" "beth[ belches]you'rea treasure." "beth[ belches]you'rea treasure." "Ihaveabethjust like you" "Treasure." "Ihaveabethjust like you in my [belches] reality, except" "Ihaveabethjust like you in my [belches] reality, except you know what?" "In my [belches] reality, except you know what?" "She's not as brilliant or" "You know what?" "She's not as brilliant or [belches] attractive." "She's not as brilliant or [belches] attractive." "beth:" "Aw." "[belches] attractive." "beth:" "Aw." "Th[belches]ank you." "beth:" "Aw." "Th[belches]ank you." "[ laughter ]" "Th[belches]ank you." "[ laughter ] oh!" "Shedid!" "She did it!" "[ laughter ] oh!" "Shedid!" "She did it!" "[ telephone rings ] jerry:" "H-hello?" "rick:" "Hey,jerry,it'srick ." "jerry:" "Rick!" "Hey." "rick:" "Hey,jerry,it'srick ." "jerry:" "Rick!" "Hey." "[ laughs nervously ] jerry:" "Rick!" "Hey." "[ laughs nervously ] what's -- what's up?" "[ laughs nervously ] what's -- what's up?" "rick:" "So,listen,the heat's" "What's -- what's up?" "rick:" "So,listen,the heat's on, and there's nowhere left to rick:" "So,listen,the heat's on, and there's nowhere left to turn, so morty and I are just" "On, and there's nowhere left to turn, so morty and I are just gonna fly my spaceship into a" "Turn, so morty and I are just gonna fly my spaceship into a black hole." "Gonna fly my spaceship into a black hole." "jerry:" "What?" "!" "Black hole." "jerry:" "What?" "!" "rick:" "Isthatcoolwith you,  jerry:" "What?" "!" "rick:" "Isthatcoolwith you,  dawg?" "rick:" "Isthatcoolwith you,  dawg?" "jerry:" "Rick,no !" "Dawg?" "jerry:" "Rick,no !" "Morty!" "jerry:" "Rick,no !" "Morty!" "wegotit ." "Morty!" "wegotit ." "The call's coming from... wegotit ." "The call's coming from..." "♪ inside the house" "The call's coming from..." "♪ inside the house lookathisface!" "♪ inside the house lookathisface!" "youdummy!" "lookathisface!" "youdummy!" "ugh." "youdummy!" "ugh." "Can't believe our daughter ugh." "Can't believe our daughter married you." "Can't believe our daughter married you." "tooeasy!" "Married you." "tooeasy!" "[ laughter ] tooeasy!" "[ laughter ] rick:" "Thericksare probably [ laughter ] rick:" "Thericksare probably gonna waste some time messing rick:" "Thericksare probably gonna waste some time messing with jerry." "Gonna waste some time messing with jerry." "They won't be able to help" "With jerry." "They won't be able to help themselves." "They won't be able to help themselves." "But as soon as they get bored," "Themselves." "But as soon as they get bored, they'll be onto us." "But as soon as they get bored, they'll be onto us." "phonesà laclamsand" "They'll be onto us." "phonesà laclamsand  phonesghetti with phone balls." "phonesà laclamsand  phonesghetti with phone balls." "Anything else?" "Phonesghetti with phone balls." "Anything else?" "rick:" "Yeah,morephone" "Anything else?" "rick:" "Yeah,morephone sticks, please." "rick:" "Yeah,morephone sticks, please." "rightaway,sir." "Sticks, please." "rightaway,sir." "morty:" "Youknow,rick,when I rightaway,sir." "morty:" "Youknow,rick,when I first saw all those ricks and morty:" "Youknow,rick,when I first saw all those ricks and mortys, I thought, "gee, that" "First saw all those ricks and mortys, I thought, "gee, that kind of devalues our bond."" "Mortys, I thought, "gee, that kind of devalues our bond." but then I realized it just" "Kind of devalues our bond." but then I realized it just means that our relationship must" "But then I realized it just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over" "Means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines." "Be pretty special to span over all those different timelines." "rick:" "Yeah,it 'sgottobe" "All those different timelines." "rick:" "Yeah,it 'sgottobe that way." "rick:" "Yeah,it 'sgottobe that way." "You're a camouflage." "That way." "You're a camouflage." "morty:" "Camouflage?" "You're a camouflage." "morty:" "Camouflage?" "W-w-w-what are you talking morty:" "Camouflage?" "W-w-w-what are you talking about, rick?" "W-w-w-what are you talking about, rick?" "rick:" "Rickshaveavery" "About, rick?" "rick:" "Rickshaveavery  distinctive and traceable rick:" "Rickshaveavery  distinctive and traceable brain wave due to our genius." "Distinctive and traceable brain wave due to our genius." "The best way to hide from an" "Brain wave due to our genius." "The best way to hide from an enemy's radar is to stand near" "The best way to hide from an enemy's radar is to stand near someone with complementary" "Enemy's radar is to stand near someone with complementary brain waves that make ours" "Someone with complementary brain waves that make ours invisible." "Brain waves that make ours invisible." "See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with" "Invisible." "See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with a morty, the genius waves get" "See, w-w-w-when a rick I-is with a morty, the genius waves get canceled out by the, uh..." "A morty, the genius waves get canceled out by the, uh..." "[ clears throat ]" "Canceled out by the, uh..." "[ clears throat ] ...Morty waves." "[ clears throat ] ...Morty waves." "morty:" "Um..." "Becauseo-our ...Morty waves." "morty:" "Um..." "Becauseo-our personalities are so different?" "morty:" "Um..." "Becauseo-our personalities are so different?" "[ portal gun beeping ]" "Personalities are so different?" "[ portal gun beeping ] rick:" "Oh,shit,dawg." "[ portal gun beeping ] rick:" "Oh,shit,dawg." "My portal gun was hacked rick:" "Oh,shit,dawg." "My portal gun was hacked remotely, morty -- obviously by" "My portal gun was hacked remotely, morty -- obviously by the real killer, to frame me." "Remotely, morty -- obviously by the real killer, to frame me." "But I was able to trace the" "The real killer, to frame me." "But I was able to trace the signal." "But I was able to trace the signal." "Come on." "Let's go." "Signal." "Come on." "Let's go." "[ door bursts open ]" "Come on." "Let's go." "[ door bursts open ] uh-oh." "[ door bursts open ] uh-oh." "excuseme." "Uh-oh." "excuseme." "We've tracked a pair of excuseme." "We've tracked a pair of dangerous criminals to this" "We've tracked a pair of dangerous criminals to this exact location." "Dangerous criminals to this exact location." "They look exactly like us, so" "Exact location." "They look exactly like us, so in order to avoid confusion, I'm" "They look exactly like us, so in order to avoid confusion, I'm gonna mark us each with a red" "In order to avoid confusion, I'm gonna mark us each with a red "x" right now." "Gonna mark us each with a red "x" right now." "That way, if someone has a gun" ""x" right now." "That way, if someone has a gun and we both tell you to shoot" "That way, if someone has a gun and we both tell you to shoot the other one because they're" "And we both tell you to shoot the other one because they're the evil one, you'll know who's" "The other one because they're the evil one, you'll know who's lying." "The evil one, you'll know who's lying." "hey,checkit out." "Lying." "hey,checkit out." "damnit!" "hey,youdidn'tpay your bill!" "t-thered"x "!" "Red"x" !" "Bill!" "t-thered"x "!" "Red"x" !" "rick:" "Hey,it 'sagoodthing t-thered"x "!" "Red"x" !" "rick:" "Hey,it 'sagoodthing that space outlet had lab coats rick:" "Hey,it 'sagoodthing that space outlet had lab coats and your favorite kind of shirt" "That space outlet had lab coats and your favorite kind of shirt in stock, huh, morty?" "And your favorite kind of shirt in stock, huh, morty?" "morty:" "Yeah,rick,I-I heard" "In stock, huh, morty?" "morty:" "Yeah,rick,I-I heard you the first time." "morty:" "Yeah,rick,I-I heard you the first time." "You don't have to keep saying it" "You the first time." "You don't have to keep saying it over and over." "You don't have to keep saying it over and over." "rick:" "Man,thisplaceisway" "Over and over." "rick:" "Man,thisplaceisway off the grid." "rick:" "Man,thisplaceisway off the grid." "This guy does not want to be" "Off the grid." "This guy does not want to be found." "This guy does not want to be found." "morty:" "Well,if he 'sarick," "Found." "morty:" "Well,if he 'sarick, doesn't he just have to stand by morty:" "Well,if he 'sarick, doesn't he just have to stand by a morty to hide?" "Doesn't he just have to stand by a morty to hide?" "I mean, isn't that what mortys" "A morty to hide?" "I mean, isn't that what mortys are -- human cloaking devices?" "I mean, isn't that what mortys are -- human cloaking devices?" "rick:" "Morty,you'remakinga" "Are -- human cloaking devices?" "rick:" "Morty,you'remakinga bigger deal out of this than it rick:" "Morty,you'remakinga bigger deal out of this than it is." "Bigger deal out of this than it is." "[ groaning in distance ]" "Is." "[ groaning in distance ] morty:" "Oh,my god,rick, [ groaning in distance ] morty:" "Oh,my god,rick, look!" "morty:" "Oh,my god,rick, look!" "There's a bunch of people" "Look!" "There's a bunch of people strapped all over that building!" "There's a bunch of people strapped all over that building!" "rick:" "Notpeople,morty" "Strapped all over that building!" "rick:" "Notpeople,morty-- mortys." "rick:" "Notpeople,morty-- mortys." "[ all groaning, screaming ] morty:" "Oh,god!" "W-w-why would somebody do this?" "It's horrible!" "W-w-why would somebody do this?" "It's horrible!" "rick:" "Well,onemorty's" "It's horrible!" "rick:" "Well,onemorty's enough to hide from the rick:" "Well,onemorty's enough to hide from the bureaucrats, but you get -- you" "Enough to hide from the bureaucrats, but you get -- you get a whole matrix of mortys and" "Bureaucrats, but you get -- you get a whole matrix of mortys and put them in agonizing pain, that" "Get a whole matrix of mortys and put them in agonizing pain, that creates a pattern that can hide" "Put them in agonizing pain, that creates a pattern that can hide even from other ricks [bleep]" "Creates a pattern that can hide even from other ricks [bleep] I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept" "Even from other ricks [bleep] I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept like this once." "I fiddled with a co[burps]ncept like this once." "On paper, morty." "On paper." "Like this once." "On paper, morty." "On paper." "I wouldn't do this." "On paper, morty." "On paper." "I wouldn't do this." "It's barbaric overkill." "I wouldn't do this." "It's barbaric overkill." "I mean, you could accomplish the" "It's barbaric overkill." "I mean, you could accomplish the same result with, like, five" "I mean, you could accomplish the same result with, like, five mortys and a jumper cable." "Which I also wouldn't do!" "I'm just saying, it's bad craftsmanship." "I'm just saying, it's bad craftsmanship." "beth:" "Coffeetime!" "Craftsmanship." "beth:" "Coffeetime!" "yeah!" "beth:" "Coffeetime!" "yeah!" "yo,yo,yo ,yo !" "yeah!" "yo,yo,yo ,yo !" "that'swhatIliketohear!" "yo,yo,yo ,yo !" "that'swhatIliketohear!" "jerry:[ groans] that'swhatIliketohear!" "jerry:[ groans] hi,jerry." "jerry:[ groans] hi,jerry." "jerry:" "Leaveme alone." "hi,jerry." "jerry:" "Leaveme alone." "I'm working." "jerry:" "Leaveme alone." "I'm working." "oh,youare?" "I'm working." "oh,youare?" "W-w-w-what do you do?" "oh,youare?" "W-w-w-what do you do?" "jerry:[ scoffs]" "W-w-w-what do you do?" "jerry:[ scoffs] I-I'm " " I'm in between jerry:[ scoffs] I-I'm " " I'm in between advertising jobs." "I-I'm " " I'm in between advertising jobs." "advertising?" "Wow!" "Advertising jobs." "advertising?" "Wow!" "So, people need help figuring advertising?" "Wow!" "So, people need help figuring out what to buy, and then" "So, people need help figuring out what to buy, and then y-y-you help 'em?" "Out what to buy, and then y-y-you help 'em?" "jerry:[ laughing]well," "Y-y-you help 'em?" "jerry:[ laughing]well, it's a little more complicated jerry:[ laughing]well, it's a little more complicated than that." "It's a little more complicated than that." "well,I mean,youdoit,and" "Than that." "well,I mean,youdoit,and you seem like a guy who really well,I mean,youdoit,and you seem like a guy who really has it all together." "jerry:" "Dude,areyou --w-- you're being a dick, right?" "oh,gosh,I-Ihopenot." "You're being a dick, right?" "oh,gosh,I-Ihopenot." "I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to oh,gosh,I-Ihopenot." "I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to offend you in any way." "I-I-I-I-I-I wouldn't want to offend you in any way." "jerry:" "You'rereallyarick ?" "Offend you in any way." "jerry:" "You'rereallyarick ?" "[laughs] jerry:" "You'rereallyarick ?" "[laughs] y-- of course I am -- just as [laughs] y-- of course I am -- just as much as my morty's a morty." "Y-- of course I am -- just as much as my morty's a morty." "jerry:" "Hey,he looksalot" "Much as my morty's a morty." "jerry:" "Hey,he looksalot like eric stoltz from the movie jerry:" "Hey,he looksalot like eric stoltz from the movie "mask."" "Like eric stoltz from the movie "mask." you know, the one with cher in" ""mask." you know, the one with cher in it?" "You know, the one with cher in it?" "that'sright,jerry!" "It?" "that'sright,jerry!" "He -- he's from a reality where that'sright,jerry!" "He -- he's from a reality where everyone is eric stoltz "mask"" "He -- he's from a reality where everyone is eric stoltz "mask" people." "Everyone is eric stoltz "mask" people." "He's eric stoltz mask morty." "People." "He's eric stoltz mask morty." "They assigned him to me because" "He's eric stoltz mask morty." "They assigned him to me because I never had any kids of my own." "They assigned him to me because I never had any kids of my own." "But if I did, boy, I'd love them" "I never had any kids of my own." "But if I did, boy, I'd love them if they were as smart and as" "But if I did, boy, I'd love them if they were as smart and as successful as you are, jerry." "If they were as smart and as successful as you are, jerry." "hey,getaloadofthis." "Successful as you are, jerry." "hey,getaloadofthis." "Jerry's hanging out with hey,getaloadofthis." "Jerry's hanging out with doofus rick." "Jerry's hanging out with doofus rick." "[laughs]thisisperfect." "Doofus rick." "[laughs]thisisperfect." "I'mnotdoofusrick!" "[laughs]thisisperfect." "I'mnotdoofusrick!" "I'm rick j19-zeta-7!" "I'mnotdoofusrick!" "I'm rick j19-zeta-7!" "oh,isthatthe timeline" "I'm rick j19-zeta-7!" "oh,isthatthe timeline where everybody eats poop?" "oh,isthatthe timeline where everybody eats poop?" "Jerry, you know this guy eats" "Where everybody eats poop?" "Jerry, you know this guy eats poop, right?" "Jerry, you know this guy eats poop, right?" "hey,I don'teatpoop!" "Poop, right?" "hey,I don'teatpoop!" "Y-you guys are always so mean to hey,I don'teatpoop!" "Y-you guys are always so mean to me." "Y-you guys are always so mean to me." "[ both laugh ]" "Me." "[ both laugh ] [sobbing] [ both laugh ] [sobbing] I guess it's only fair to tell [sobbing] I guess it's only fair to tell you now, jerry." "I guess it's only fair to tell you now, jerry." "I'm the worst rick of them all." "You now, jerry." "I'm the worst rick of them all." "jerry:" "Accordingto who" "I'm the worst rick of them all." "jerry:" "Accordingto who-- other versions of you?" "jerry:" "Accordingto who-- other versions of you?" "If I've learned one thing, it's" "Other versions of you?" "If I've learned one thing, it's that before you get anywhere in" "If I've learned one thing, it's that before you get anywhere in life, you got to stop listening" "That before you get anywhere in life, you got to stop listening to yourself." "Life, you got to stop listening to yourself." "wow." "To yourself." "wow." "You really are wise, jerry." "wow." "You really are wise, jerry." "I-I-I guess that's why you work" "You really are wise, jerry." "I-I-I guess that's why you work in advertising." "I-I-I guess that's why you work in advertising." "jerry:" "Thefactthatyoufeel" "In advertising." "jerry:" "Thefactthatyoufeel that way makes you the best rick jerry:" "Thefactthatyoufeel that way makes you the best rick of them all." "That way makes you the best rick of them all." "morty:" "Youdon'tcareabout" "Of them all." "morty:" "Youdon'tcareabout me at all!" "morty:" "Youdon'tcareabout me at all!" "I'm no different than that" "Me at all!" "I'm no different than that jacket you've got on!" "I'm no different than that jacket you've got on!" "Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal" "Jacket you've got on!" "Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal gun!" "Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal gun!" "I'm just a tool!" "Gun!" "I'm just a tool!" "I-I-I'm just an object!" "I'm just a tool!" "I-I-I'm just an object!" "rick:" "Hey,it 'syourchoice" "I-I-I'm just an object!" "rick:" "Hey,it 'syourchoice to take it personally, morty." "rick:" "Hey,it 'syourchoice to take it personally, morty." "Now, for the love of god, be" "To take it personally, morty." "Now, for the love of god, be quiet." "Now, for the love of god, be quiet." "The point of this is to get the" "Quiet." "The point of this is to get the drop on the guy." "The point of this is to get the drop on the guy." "morty:" "Youknowwhat,rick ?" "Drop on the guy." "morty:" "Youknowwhat,rick ?" "I'll tell you something!" "morty:" "Youknowwhat,rick ?" "I'll tell you something!" "I'm more than a human shield!" "I'll tell you something!" "I'm more than a human shield!" "rick:" "Yeah,that'sright." "I'm more than a human shield!" "rick:" "Yeah,that'sright." "You are." "rick:" "Yeah,that'sright." "You are." "You're a perfect, impenetrable" "You are." "You're a perfect, impenetrable suit of human armor, morty," "You're a perfect, impenetrable suit of human armor, morty, because you're as dumb as I am" "Suit of human armor, morty, because you're as dumb as I am smart, which is why when I say" "Because you're as dumb as I am smart, which is why when I say [burps] "shut up," it's really" "Smart, which is why when I say [burps] "shut up," it's really good advice." "[burps] "shut up," it's really good advice." "[ whirring ]" "Good advice." "[ whirring ] great." "Nice work, morty." "[ groans ] [ hands clap slowly ] ooh." "Lookat you,c-137." "[ hands clap slowly ] ooh." "Lookat you,c-137." "You -- aren't you a tough ooh." "Lookat you,c-137." "You -- aren't you a tough customer." "You -- aren't you a tough customer." "rick:" "Theslowclap?" "Really?" "Customer." "rick:" "Theslowclap?" "Really?" "Kind of played out, dude." "rick:" "Theslowclap?" "Really?" "Kind of played out, dude." "notinthisdimension,it" "Kind of played out, dude." "notinthisdimension,it isn't." "notinthisdimension,it isn't." "In fact [chuckles] I invented" "Isn't." "In fact [chuckles] I invented it." "In fact [chuckles] I invented it." "Nobody else has ever even done" "It." "Nobody else has ever even done it here before." "Nobody else has ever even done it here before." "rick:" "Well,la-di-da." "It here before." "rick:" "Well,la-di-da." "hey,that'smine!" "rick:" "I don'tlikethe look of that rick, morty." "We got to escape." "Of that rick, morty." "We got to escape." "morty:" "I 'mnotgonnahelp" "We got to escape." "morty:" "I 'mnotgonnahelp you, rick." "morty:" "I 'mnotgonnahelp you, rick." "Y-you're a monster." "You, rick." "Y-you're a monster." "rick:" "Don'tbe rick-diculous," "Y-you're a monster." "rick:" "Don'tbe rick-diculous, morty." "rick:" "Don'tbe rick-diculous, morty." "morty:" "Willyou--will you" "Morty." "morty:" "Willyou--will you stop saying that?" "morty:" "Willyou--will you stop saying that?" "It's stupid." "Stop saying that?" "It's stupid." "takehismortyaway." "It's stupid." "takehismortyaway." "comewithme ." "takehismortyaway." "comewithme ." "morty:" "Yeah,gladly." "comewithme ." "morty:" "Yeah,gladly." "Geez, man." "Ricks, huh?" "morty:" "Yeah,gladly." "Geez, man." "Ricks, huh?" "Hey, man, you seem to know how" "Geez, man." "Ricks, huh?" "Hey, man, you seem to know how this place works." "Hey, man, you seem to know how this place works." "Is there any way we could shut" "This place works." "Is there any way we could shut down that grid and rescue all" "Is there any way we could shut down that grid and rescue all those mortys outside?" "Down that grid and rescue all those mortys outside?" "itwouldbe pointless." "Those mortys outside?" "itwouldbe pointless." "Mortys have no chance of itwouldbe pointless." "Mortys have no chance of defeating a rick." "Mortys have no chance of defeating a rick." "In here." "Defeating a rick." "In here." "[ mortys sobbing ] [farts] ah." "Isn'tit beautiful?" "rick:" "Yeah,yeah." "ah." "Isn'tit beautiful?" "rick:" "Yeah,yeah." "Looks like payday at rick:" "Yeah,yeah." "Looks like payday at neverland ranch in here." "Looks like payday at neverland ranch in here." "Zing!" "Neverland ranch in here." "Zing!" "[chuckles]" "Zing!" "[chuckles] rick:" "Thatguygot it." "[chuckles] rick:" "Thatguygot it." "unh-unh-unh,rick." "Quiet." "rick:" "Thatguygot it." "unh-unh-unh,rick." "Quiet." "You're missing my symphony." "unh-unh-unh,rick." "Quiet." "You're missing my symphony." "[ mortys groaning, screaming]" "You're missing my symphony." "[ mortys groaning, screaming] rick:" "Hey,I'lltakeitover [ mortys groaning, screaming] rick:" "Hey,I'lltakeitover mumford  sons." "rick:" "Hey,I'lltakeitover mumford  sons." "Zip!" "Mumford  sons." "Zip!" "[laughs]" "Zip!" "[laughs] rick:" "Thisguyisonit !" "[laughs] rick:" "Thisguyisonit !" "he'snotlaughingatyour  rick:" "Thisguyisonit !" "he'snotlaughingatyour  dumb jokes, rick." "he'snotlaughingatyour  dumb jokes, rick." "That's just a random noise it" "Dumb jokes, rick." "That's just a random noise it makes every 10 seconds." "That's just a random noise it makes every 10 seconds." "[laughs]" "Makes every 10 seconds." "[laughs] rick:[ groans] [laughs] rick:[ groans] yousee,rick,you 'renot as rick:[ groans] yousee,rick,you 'renot as clever as you think you are." "yousee,rick,you 'renot as clever as you think you are." "I wantedyou to find me." "Clever as you think you are." "I wantedyou to find me." "We're not so [burps] different," "I wantedyou to find me." "We're not so [burps] different, you and I." "We're not so [burps] different, you and I. rick:" "Yeah,duh!" "You and I. rick:" "Yeah,duh!" "seethisrighthere,rick ?" "rick:" "Yeah,duh!" "seethisrighthere,rick ?" "I crunched the numbers." "seethisrighthere,rick ?" "I crunched the numbers." "I created a spectrum of all the" "I crunched the numbers." "I created a spectrum of all the ricks." "I created a spectrum of all the ricks." "I listed them out from most evil" "Ricks." "I listed them out from most evil to least evil." "I listed them out from most evil to least evil." "Here's where I am." "To least evil." "Here's where I am." "And lookit -- right here's where" "Here's where I am." "And lookit -- right here's where you are, rick." "And lookit -- right here's where you are, rick." "This guy right here " "You are, rick." "This guy right here -- super-weird." "This guy right here -- super-weird." "rick:" "I getit ." "Super-weird." "rick:" "I getit ." "So you want me to team up with rick:" "I getit ." "So you want me to team up with you to take down the council of" "So you want me to team up with you to take down the council of ricks, right?" "You to take down the council of ricks, right?" "Is that where you're going with" "Ricks, right?" "Is that where you're going with this?" "Is that where you're going with this?" "'cause that's where I'd be" "This?" "'cause that's where I'd be going." "'cause that's where I'd be going." "please." "Going." "please." "I think I'm doing pretty good on please." "I think I'm doing pretty good on my own." "I think I'm doing pretty good on my own." "I'm simply gonna download the" "My own." "I'm simply gonna download the contents of your brain and then" "I'm simply gonna download the contents of your brain and then kill you." "Contents of your brain and then kill you." "okay,ifwe addalittlemore" "Kill you." "okay,ifwe addalittlemore titanium nitrate and just a tad okay,ifwe addalittlemore titanium nitrate and just a tad of chlorified tartrate..." "Titanium nitrate and just a tad of chlorified tartrate..." "[ mixture gurgles ]" "Of chlorified tartrate..." "[ mixture gurgles ] ...Ovenless brownies!" "[ mixture gurgles ] ...Ovenless brownies!" "jerry:" "Mmm." "Mmm!" "...Ovenless brownies!" "jerry:" "Mmm." "Mmm!" "It's incredible what a gifted jerry:" "Mmm." "Mmm!" "It's incredible what a gifted mind can accomplish when" "It's incredible what a gifted mind can accomplish when priorities are in order." "Mind can accomplish when priorities are in order." "well,comeon ." "Priorities are in order." "well,comeon ." "I can't take all the credit, well,comeon ." "I can't take all the credit, jerry." "I can't take all the credit, jerry." "It was your idea." "Jerry." "It was your idea." "Come here, jerry!" "It was your idea." "Come here, jerry!" "[ both laugh ]" "Come here, jerry!" "[ both laugh ] jerry:" "Hey,uh ,comehere." "[ both laugh ] jerry:" "Hey,uh ,comehere." "I-I want to show you something." "jerry:" "Hey,uh ,comehere." "I-I want to show you something." "Okay, look, everybody makes fun" "I-I want to show you something." "Okay, look, everybody makes fun of me for getting these, but" "Okay, look, everybody makes fun of me for getting these, but you're a genius scientist." "Of me for getting these, but you're a genius scientist." "What do you think?" "You're a genius scientist." "What do you think?" "See?" "What do you think?" "See?" "There's little r2-d2s where the" "See?" "There's little r2-d2s where the george washingtons should be." "There's little r2-d2s where the george washingtons should be." "youknow,jerry,I'm not" "George washingtons should be." "youknow,jerry,I'm not  gonna tell you that these will youknow,jerry,I'm not  gonna tell you that these will increase in value or even hold" "Gonna tell you that these will increase in value or even hold their current value." "Increase in value or even hold their current value." "The truth is, you bought them" "Their current value." "The truth is, you bought them because you like them." "The truth is, you bought them because you like them." "They have value to you." "Because you like them." "They have value to you." "That's what matters." "jerry:[ voicebreaking]how long are you staying?" "untilwefindyourrick ." "Long are you staying?" "untilwefindyourrick ." "jerry:" "I foundmine." "untilwefindyourrick ." "jerry:" "I foundmine." "I found mine." "morty:" "Help!" "thereisno escape,myson." "We will find our peace in the thereisno escape,myson." "We will find our peace in the next world." "We will find our peace in the next world." "morty:" "So,what" "Next world." "morty:" "So,what-- y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give morty:" "So,what-- y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give up?" "Y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give up?" "we'regivingin -- to the" "Up?" "we'regivingin -- to the power of the one true morty." "we'regivingin -- to the power of the one true morty." "One day, he will return." "Power of the one true morty." "One day, he will return." "together:" "Praisetheone true" "One day, he will return." "together:" "Praisetheone true morty." "together:" "Praisetheone true morty." "morty:" "Ugh." "Morty." "morty:" "Ugh." "All right, mortys, listen up." "morty:" "Ugh." "All right, mortys, listen up." "My name is morty smith, from" "All right, mortys, listen up." "My name is morty smith, from earth dimension c-137." "My name is morty smith, from earth dimension c-137." "I know you're scared, because" "Earth dimension c-137." "I know you're scared, because I'm scared." "I know you're scared, because I'm scared." "But that's no reason to accept" "I'm scared." "But that's no reason to accept our fate!" "But that's no reason to accept our fate!" "We're mortys!" "Our fate!" "We're mortys!" "We're not defined by our" "We're mortys!" "We're not defined by our relationships to rick!" "We're not defined by our relationships to rick!" "Our destiny is our own!" "Relationships to rick!" "Our destiny is our own!" "thissoundslikesomething" "Our destiny is our own!" "thissoundslikesomething the one true morty might say." "thissoundslikesomething the one true morty might say." "I'm sick of being a human" "The one true morty might say." "I'm sick of being a human shield." "I'm sick of being a human shield." "I-I-I w" " I want to be a" "Shield." "I-I-I w" " I want to be a gardener!" "I-I-I w" " I want to be a gardener!" "Iwantto writereallycrazy," "Gardener!" "Iwantto writereallycrazy, intense action novels!" "Iwantto writereallycrazy, intense action novels!" "I'mmorethanjustahammer!" "Intense action novels!" "I'mmorethanjustahammer!" "heistheone truemorty!" "I'mmorethanjustahammer!" "heistheone truemorty!" "hooray!" "heistheone truemorty!" "hooray!" "theonetruemorty!" "hooray!" "theonetruemorty!" "hey,keepit down!" "theonetruemorty!" "hey,keepit down!" "[ mortys shouting ] you'velivedquitealife , rick." "It's a real shame you're not" "Rick." "It's a real shame you're not gonna be around to see it" "It's a real shame you're not gonna be around to see it through." "You're crying?" "Over a morty?" "rick:" "No,I'mjustallergic" "Over a morty?" "rick:" "No,I'mjustallergic to dipshits." "rick:" "No,I'mjustallergic to dipshits." "ugh." "Pathetic." "To dipshits." "ugh." "Pathetic." "We both know that if there's any ugh." "Pathetic." "We both know that if there's any truth in the universe, it's that" "We both know that if there's any truth in the universe, it's that ricks don't care about mortys." "Truth in the universe, it's that ricks don't care about mortys." "[ mortys shouting ]" "Ricks don't care about mortys." "[ mortys shouting ] do your worst, you little [ mortys shouting ] do your worst, you little bastards!" "Do your worst, you little bastards!" "Kill me!" "Do it!" "Bastards!" "Kill me!" "Do it!" "Do I-I-I-I-it!" "Kill me!" "Do it!" "Do I-I-I-I-it!" "rick:" "Morty!" "Thankgod !" "Do I-I-I-I-it!" "rick:" "Morty!" "Thankgod !" "Get me out of this." "rick:" "Morty!" "Thankgod !" "Get me out of this." "Come on!" "Get me out of this." "Come on!" "morty:" "You'reluckyI'm not a" "Come on!" "morty:" "You'reluckyI'm not a rick." "morty:" "You'reluckyI'm not a rick." "rick:" "Pointtaken,but this" "Rick." "rick:" "Pointtaken,but this is [burps] no time for arcs." "rick:" "Pointtaken,but this is [burps] no time for arcs." "[ energy powering down ]" "Is [burps] no time for arcs." "[ energy powering down ] oh!" "[ energy powering down ] oh!" "[laughs] oh!" "[laughs] thankgod!" "[laughs] thankgod!" "[ dialing ] thankgod!" "[ dialing ] [ ringing ] [ dialing ] [ ringing ] [ telephone rings ] [ ringing ] [ telephone rings ] yeah,hello." "[ telephone rings ] yeah,hello." "rick:" "Hey,whatdomeand yeah,hello." "rick:" "Hey,whatdomeand o.J. Not have in common?" "rick:" "Hey,whatdomeand o.J. Not have in common?" "huh?" "W-whois this?" "O.J. Not have in common?" "huh?" "W-whois this?" "rick:" "I foundthereal huh?" "W-whois this?" "rick:" "I foundthereal killer, bitch!" "rick:" "I foundthereal killer, bitch!" "Get over here!" "yo,ding-dong,we 'redone here." "Time to go." "Here." "Time to go." "well,jerry[belches]" "Time to go." "well,jerry[belches] I guess this means goodbye." "well,jerry[belches] I guess this means goodbye." "jerry:" "W-w-well,doesithave" "I guess this means goodbye." "jerry:" "W-w-well,doesithave  to?" "jerry:" "W-w-well,doesithave  to?" "I mean, you -- you look just" "To?" "I mean, you -- you look just like rick." "I mean, you -- you look just like rick." "We could maybe, you know, get" "Like rick." "We could maybe, you know, get rid of him." "We could maybe, you know, get rid of him." "I'm not saying kill him," "Rid of him." "I'm not saying kill him, necessarily." "I'm not saying kill him, necessarily." "I " " I'm also not saying" "Necessarily." "I " " I'm also not saying necessarily not kill him, but " "I " " I'm also not saying necessarily not kill him, but -- jerry,w-webothknowit" "Necessarily not kill him, but -- jerry,w-webothknowit wouldn't work." "jerry,w-webothknowit wouldn't work." "It's time to go back to our" "Wouldn't work." "It's time to go back to our lives." "It's time to go back to our lives." "I love you, jerry." "Lives." "I love you, jerry." "I love you." "I love you, jerry." "I love you." "jerry:[ sighs] [ whimpers ] together:" "Hut!" "Hut!" "Hut !" "Hut !" "Hut!" "Hut!" "Hut!" "Hut!" "Hut!" "Hut!" "Hut!" "Hut!" "Hut!" "morty:" "W-what-- w-what's gonna happen to all these mortys?" "Gonna happen to all these mortys?" "they'llgobacktotheir" "Mortys?" "they'llgobacktotheir families, attend school they'llgobacktotheir families, attend school regularly, play video games," "Families, attend school regularly, play video games, date girls." "Regularly, play video games, date girls." "Poor little rickless bastards." "Date girls." "Poor little rickless bastards." "earthrickc-137,the council" "Poor little rickless bastards." "earthrickc-137,the council apologizes for its false earthrickc-137,the council apologizes for its false accusation, and in the way of" "Apologizes for its false accusation, and in the way of reparations [belches] for our" "Accusation, and in the way of reparations [belches] for our terrible mistake, we would like" "Reparations [belches] for our terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with this" "Terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with this voucher for a free replacement" "To compensate you with this voucher for a free replacement morty in the event that" "Voucher for a free replacement morty in the event that y[belches]our current [belches]" "Morty in the event that y[belches]our current [belches] morty should " "Y[belches]our current [belches] morty should -- rick:" "Uh,guys,not agood" "Morty should -- rick:" "Uh,guys,not agood  time." "rick:" "Uh,guys,not agood  time." "Come on, morty." "Let's hit it." "morty:" "Isit timefor arcs yet, rick?" "I did a pretty good job back" "Yet, rick?" "I did a pretty good job back there for a human cloaking" "I did a pretty good job back there for a human cloaking device." "There for a human cloaking device." "Saved your ass." "Device." "Saved your ass." "rick:" "Allright,morty." "Saved your ass." "rick:" "Allright,morty." "Don't break an arm jerking rick:" "Allright,morty." "Don't break an arm jerking yourself off." "Don't break an arm jerking yourself off." "morty:" "Man,Ican 'tbelieve" "Yourself off." "morty:" "Man,Ican 'tbelieve you, rick." "morty:" "Man,Ican 'tbelieve you, rick." "That right there, that w-- that" "You, rick." "That right there, that w-- that was a great opportunity to show" "That right there, that w-- that was a great opportunity to show a little humanity, you know?" "Was a great opportunity to show a little humanity, you know?" "To connect with me a little." "A little humanity, you know?" "To connect with me a little." "rick:" "Hey,morty,you want" "To connect with me a little." "rick:" "Hey,morty,you want connection, go be part of some rick:" "Hey,morty,you want connection, go be part of some stupid club, like all those dumb" "Connection, go be part of some stupid club, like all those dumb ricks." "Stupid club, like all those dumb ricks." "You know, maybe I don't connect" "Ricks." "You know, maybe I don't connect because I'm the rickest rick" "You know, maybe I don't connect because I'm the rickest rick there is." "Because I'm the rickest rick there is." "And, you know, it would" "There is." "And, you know, it would g-- [belches] go without saying" "And, you know, it would g-- [belches] go without saying that the rickest rick would have" "G-- [belches] go without saying that the rickest rick would have the mortyest morty." "That the rickest rick would have the mortyest morty." "morty:" "Itwouldgowithout" "The mortyest morty." "morty:" "Itwouldgowithout saying, huh?" "morty:" "Itwouldgowithout saying, huh?" "rick:" "Yeah,it would." "Saying, huh?" "rick:" "Yeah,it would." "Did you hear me say it?" "rick:" "Yeah,it would." "Did you hear me say it?" "morty:" "Nah." "Did you hear me say it?" "morty:" "Nah." "The mortyest morty." "morty:" "Nah." "The mortyest morty." "rick:" "Justdon'tget too big" "The mortyest morty." "rick:" "Justdon'tget too big  for your loafers, buster brown." "rick:" "Justdon'tget too big  for your loafers, buster brown." "A cocky morty can lead to some" "For your loafers, buster brown." "A cocky morty can lead to some big problems." "A cocky morty can lead to some big problems." "It can be a real bad thing for" "Big problems." "It can be a real bad thing for everybody." "It can be a real bad thing for everybody." "morty:" "Oh,yeah?" "How 'sthat?" "Everybody." "morty:" "Oh,yeah?" "How 'sthat?" "rick:" "U-uh,I'llexplainwhen  morty:" "Oh,yeah?" "How 'sthat?" "rick:" "U-uh,I'llexplainwhen  you're older." "rick:" "U-uh,I'llexplainwhen  you're older." "[ camera shutter clicks ]" "You're older." "[ camera shutter clicks ] whata mess." "[ camera shutter clicks ] whata mess." "pridecomethbeforethe fall." "whata mess." "pridecomethbeforethe fall." "I guess he got what he deserved." "pridecomethbeforethe fall." "I guess he got what he deserved." "whatisthat?" "I guess he got what he deserved." "whatisthat?" "[ electricity crackles ] whatisthat?" "[ electricity crackles ] handmethelaser [ electricity crackles ] handmethelaser difibulator." "handmethelaser difibulator." "hey,guys,uh ,c-canIhelp ?" "Difibulator." "hey,guys,uh ,c-canIhelp ?" "no!" "Gocleanthe toilets." "hey,guys,uh ,c-canIhelp ?" "no!" "Gocleanthe toilets." "Maybe you'll make friends with no!" "Gocleanthe toilets." "Maybe you'll make friends with some turds." "Maybe you'll make friends with some turds." "youmakeus ashamedtobe" "Some turds." "youmakeus ashamedtobe ourselves!" "My god." "I've seen this technology before." "I've seen this technology before." "[ device beeping ]" "Before." "[ device beeping ] thisrickwasbeing [ device beeping ] thisrickwasbeing controlled remotely -- thisrickwasbeing controlled remotely -- puppeteered by somebody else." "Controlled remotely -- puppeteered by somebody else." "This is the receiver." "Puppeteered by somebody else." "This is the receiver." "yeah,butwhere'sthe" "This is the receiver." "yeah,butwhere'sthe  transmitter?" "yeah,butwhere'sthe  transmitter?" "[ beeping continues ] rick:" "Wubbadubbadub dub !" "Oh." "Hey, jerry." "W-w-w-what are you doing in my" "Oh." "Hey, jerry." "W-w-w-what are you doing in my room, buddy?" "W-w-w-what are you doing in my room, buddy?" "jerry:" "Nothing." "Room, buddy?" "jerry:" "Nothing." "[ shakily ] I was just, um, jerry:" "Nothing." "[ shakily ] I was just, um, [sniffles] checking the smoke [ shakily ] I was just, um, [sniffles] checking the smoke detectors." "[sniffles] checking the smoke detectors." "rick:" "Allright." "Detectors." "rick:" "Allright." "Okay, get out." "What's that dipshit doing out there?" "Are you friends with him?" "There?" "Are you friends with him?" "You know he eats his own shit," "Are you friends with him?" "You know he eats his own shit, right?" "You know he eats his own shit, right?" "[ laughing ] oh, my god, this is" "Right?" "[ laughing ] oh, my god, this is rich!" "[ laughing ] oh, my god, this is rich!" "I've got like [belches] 10 ricks" "Rich!" "I've got like [belches] 10 ricks to call right now."