"[CARSON] I ALWAYS THOUGHT DEATH WOULD BE DIFFERENT." "I EXPECTED A GREAT WAVE OF REALIZATION TO SWEEP OVER ME." "SUDDENLY, THE MEANING OF LIFE WOULD BE ANSWERED ALONG WITH" "EVERY OTHER QUESTION I EVER HAD." "BUT THERE WAS NOTHING TO REALIZE." " I WAS DEAD." " [DOORBELL RINGS]" " WHAT?" "!" " ARE YOU SHERYL PHILLIPS?" "WHAT, DID I FORGET TO PUT MY TRASH BINS AWAY OR SOMETHING?" "NO, MA'AM." "YOUR SON HAS DIED." "HIS BODY WAS FOUND IN THE SCHOOL PARKING LOT THIS MORNING." "[STUDENT REPORTER] A FEW DAYS AGO," "RIGHT HERE WHERE I'M STANDING, CLOVER HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR" "CARSON PHILLIPS LOST HIS LIFE WHEN HE WAS STRUCK BY LIGHTNING." "A SERVICE WILL BE HELD THIS SUNDAY AT CLOVER COMMUNITY CHAPEL." "HE WILL BE MISSED." "♪ IT'S SO HARD" "♪ TO SAY GOODBYE" "♪ TO YESTERDAY" "AND..." "MY FUNERAL SUCKS." "GOODBYE, CARSON." "YOU'VE SEEN MY END." "BUT WHERE DO I BEGIN?" "I REMEMBER WHEN I REALIZED I WAS DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE." "MY NAME IS CARSON." "MY MOM SAYS I WAS NAMED CARSON" "BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WAS ON TV WHEN I WAS CONCEIVED." "WHEN SOMETHING TAKES AWAY SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT DO WE CALL THAT?" " NOT ADDITION, BUT..." " HOMICIDE." "I WAS ADVANCED AT A YOUNG AGE." "MOST OF THE FOUNDING FATHERS" "WERE CLOSETED HOMOSEXUALS AND SLAVE OWNERS." "MY REPORTS WERE ALWAYS MORE THOROUGH THAN MY PEERS." "I'M SERIOUS." "I REMEMBER WHEN I DISCOVERED THE POWER OF WORDS" "AND HOW EASY IT WAS TO ESCAPE INTO A WORLD OF MY OWN BY USING THEM." "[NEAL] IT WAS A PLEASANT ENVIRONMENT." "THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND, TOO." "YOU'RE ALREADY." "AT LEAST LEAVE ME ONE BEER." "CARSON, THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU'LL EVER SEE YOUR GRANDFATHER!" " I KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!" " STOP FIGHTING ME!" "STAND UP." " BOO!" " AHH!" "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" "!" "IT WAS LAME." "I KNOW, I KNOW." "THE KID'S A PUSS." "I REMEMBER THE DAY GRANDMA CAME TO LIVE WITH US." "GRANDMA!" "[NEAL] IT'S THE FIFTH TIME YOU FOUND HER" "WONDERING AROUND TOWN." "OH, MOM." "AND NOW SHE'S IN THE LINEN CLOSET." "YOUR BEDROOM IS THE NEXT DOOR." "AND THE DAY THAT GRANDMA GOT SICK." " I WROTE YOU A STORY, GRANDMA." " OH, LET'S SEE." ""ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A BOY."" "WELL, IT COULD USE A LITTLE DEVELOPMENT," "BUT IT'S A GREAT BEGINNING." "THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD REMEMBERS THE NIGHT" "THAT DAD LEFT." "WE JUST STARTED GOING BACK TO COUNSELING." "YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS." "YEAH, WELL, I'M LEAVING." "I CAN'T TAKE THIS." " WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" "!" " ANYWHERE BUT HERE." " THAT'S MINE!" " THAT IS NOT YOURS." "I..." "THANK YOU." "YOU CAN'T COME BACK!" "NO!" "I HATE YOU!" "[SOBBING] I HATE YOU!" "SCREW IT." "IF ANYONE ASKS, WE'RE JEWISH." "IT'S BEEN ME AND MOM EVER SINCE." "MOM, WAKE UP." "YOU PASSED OUT AGAIN." " WAKE UP, MOM." " OH, JESUS!" "CONGRATULATIONS." "YOU SURVIVED THE NIGHT." "OH, JESUS." "IF YOU WERE DESCENT, YOU WOULD JUST LET ME SLEEP." "IF I WAS DESCENT, I'D JUST PUT YOU TO SLEEP." "MY GOD." "MY HEAD." "YOU KNOW, THE MORNING ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HURT." "I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL." "WHY DO I HAVE TO GET UP?" "HERE." "ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DRINKING" "WITH ALL THOSE PILLS DR. DIEHLER'S GIVING YOU?" "DR. WHEELER." "WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE THAT TO THE PROFESSIONALS?" "CAN I HAVE MY OTHER GLASS BACK, PLEASE?" "IT'S IN THE SINK." "GET IT YOURSELF." "YOU KNOW, YOU MAKE ME WISH I'D HAD THAT ABORTION IN THE '90s." " THAT MAKES TWO OF US." " GO TO SCHOOL ALREADY!" "GO!" "GO!" "GO!" "AND IF I AM STILL SLEEPING WHEN YOU GET HOME," "DON'T YOU DARE PUT MY HAND IN A BOWL OF WATER AGAIN." " [LAUGHS]" " SHUT UP." "BYE." "LOVE YOU, TOO." "WOULD YOU BRING ME MY PILLOW BACK?" "!" "CLOSE THE SHADES." " [DOOR CLOSES]" " I HATE YOU." "HIGH SCHOOL." "SOCIETY'S BRIGHT IDEA TO PUT ALL THEIR AGGRESSIVE," "SELF RIGHTEOUS, PUBESCENT, NAIVE YOUTH INTO ONE ENVIRONMENT" "TO TORMENT AND EMOTIONALLY SCAR EACH OTHER FOR LIFE." "CATTLE, CATTLE, CATTLE, CATTLE!" "SHAKESPEARE ONCE WROTE THAT LIFE IS BUT A DREAM." "AND THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I LIVED MY LIFE," "FROM ONE DREAM TO THE NEXT." "HATING EVERY UPDATE OF REALITY." "WELL, THE "I" STANDS FOR AN IMAGINARY NUMBER." "OKAY, HOLD UP." "THERE ARE IMAGINARY NUMBERS NOW?" "ARE THERE UNICORNS THE NEXT LESSON?" "CAN SOMEONE PLEASE" "TEACH ME SOMETHING USEFUL, LIKE HOW TO BALANCE A CHECKBOOK?" "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA." "WHY DID I GET A "C" ON THIS?" " THIS IS A GREAT PAPER." " THE ASSIGNMENT WAS TO PICK" "EITHER EVOLUTION OR CREATIONISM AND PROVIDE BACKGROUND EVIDENCE" "AS TO WHY YOU BELIEVE THAT THEORY." "I KNOW." "I PICKED EVOLUTION." "I SAID THAT IT'S OBVIOUS CREATURES CAN ADAPT TO THEIR ENVIRONMENTS" "BECAUSE I NO LONGER HAVE THE URGE TO THROW THINGS" "AT STUDENTS WHO BELIEVE IN CREATIONISM." "RIGHT?" "RIGHT?" "I BELIEVE IN CREATIONISM." "EXHIBIT "A."" "WELCOME TO CAREER DAY HERE AT THE COUNSELING CENTER." "RIGHT, I'M SURE YOU SAW OUR FLIER." "AND YOU KNOW, WE'RE HERE TO JUST SORT OF HELP YOU KIDDOS" "ESTABLISH YOUR FUTURE CAREER OPTIONS, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO..." "I KNOW THE EXACT CAREER THAT I WANT." "OKAY." "WHAT IS IT, MUNCHKIN?" "I WANT TO BE THE EDITOR OF THE NEW YORKER" "AND THE YOUNGEST FREELANCE JOURNALIST TO BE PUBLISHED" "IN THE NEW YORK TIMES, LA TIMES, BOSTON HERALD, AND THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE." "YOU HAVE HAD SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT THIS THEN, HUH?" " EVERY DAY SINCE I WAS EIGHT." " OKAY." "WELL..." "WHAT ABOUT COLLEGE?" "I CAN HELP YOU DECIDE WHAT COLLEGE TO GO TO." "UH, NO." "I'VE GOT TO GET INTO NORTHWESTERN." "ALL RIGHT." "WHERE IS THAT EXACTLY?" " ILLINOIS." " NEVER HEARD OF IT." "I'VE PUT 17 GOOD YEARS INTO THIS TOWN, OKAY?" "PEOPLE SPEND LESS TIME IN PRISON FOR MURDER SENTENCES." " IS THAT TRUE?" " YES." "YES, LOOK IT UP." "I'VE BEEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE WRITERS' CLUB" "AND THE EDITOR OF THE NEWSPAPER SINCE SOPHOMORE YEAR" "JUST TO BETTER MY CHANCES OF GETTING INTO THAT SCHOOL." "THAT IS SO SMART." " WOW." " IT'S BEEN CHALLENGING." "SO I'VE ALREADY APPLIED AND I MEET ALL THE REQUIREMENTS." "I JUST HAVEN'T HEARD BACK FROM THEM." "SO I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU UM," "MAYBE FOUND OUT WHY." "OKAY." "AND THAT IS SOMETHING THAT I WOULD DO?" "I WOULD CALL THEM?" " YES." " OKAY." "I WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET INTO THAT SCHOOL." " I MEAN ANYTHING." " I'M ON IT." "BUT SINCE YOU'RE HERE, HOW 'BOUT YOU JUST FILL OUT THIS" "CLOVER COMMUNITY COLLEGE APPLICATION." "'CAUSE WITH EVERY APPLICATION," "I GET A POINT TOWARDS A JUICE CUP." "AHEM." "DO YOU JUICE?" "BECAUSE IT'S REALLY CHANGED HOW I FEEL." "LAST WEEK'S EDITION OF THE CLOVER HIGH CHRONICLE" "WAS YET ANOTHER DISAPPOINTMENT." "WE DID HAVE NEW MATERIAL FOR EACH OF THE SECTIONS," "BUT ONCE AGAIN," "IT WAS ALL WRITTEN BY ME." "NOW THIS, THIS HAS TO STOP." "THIS IS NOT THE CARSON PHILLIPS CHRONICLE." "ALL RIGHT?" "IT'S THE CLOVER HIGH CHRONICLE." "CARSON PHILLIPS." "CLOVER HIGH." "HOPEFULLY, THIS WEEK WILL BE DIFFERENT." "DWAYNE!" "DO YOU HAVE THAT MOVIE REVIEW READY FOR MANSLAUGHTER 3 YET?" " YES." " YEAH?" " NO." " NO." "I WENT, BUT I PASSED OUT." "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS GONNA BE IN 3D." " IT WASN'T." " WHOA." "VICKI." "DO YOU HAVE YOUR WEATHER REPORT READY?" " WHAT?" " YOUR WEATHER REPORT." "YEAH, IT'S CLOUDY." "OKAY." "THANK YOU, VICKI." "PROGRESS, RIGHT?" "AND UH, EMILIO," "DO YOU HAVE A SECTION YOU'D LIKE TO TACKLE THIS WEEK?" "UH..." "I LOVE AMERICA." "OKAY." "GREAT." "I LOVE THE APHORISM." "WE'LL CREATE A PATRIOTIC SECTION JUST FOR YOU." "NOW." "MOVING ONTO CREATIVE WRITING." "DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY" " SHORT STORIES OR" " YES, I DID WRITE" " A SHORT STORY." " FANTASTIC." "LET'S HEAR IT." "UM..." "THIS IS WRITTEN BY MALERIE." ""IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES." ""IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES." "IT WAS THE AGE OF WISDOM."" "MALERIE." "YOU DIDN'T WRITE THAT." "YEAH, IT'S IN MY HANDWRITING." "BUT UM..." "IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME THEN..." " [PERIOD BELL RINGS]" " PLEASE COME BACK TOMORROW" "WITH SOMETHING, WITH ANYTHING." "AND DON'T FORGET THAT THERE'S" "A WRITERS' CLUB MEETING IN CASE ANY OF YOU" "CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT WANTING TO JOIN." "OR CHANGE YOUR PERSONALITIES." "THERE WAS NEVER ANYTHING TO DO IN CLOVER..." "BESIDES JAMBA JUICE AND COW TIPPING." "THERE'S NO "H" IN SUCK!" "SO TO ENTERTAIN OURSELVES, WE ALL BECAME" "DIEHARD CLUB MEMBERS." "WE HAD THE CHEERLEADERS." " SHE SMELLS LIKE GLUTEN." " [LAUGHTER]" "YEARBOOK CLUB LED BY THE HUMAN MOSQUITO KNOWN AS" " REMY BAKER." " NO!" "I DON'T WANT ANY FATTIES ON THE BACK TO SCHOOL NIGHT PAGE!" "I DON'T WANT TO EXPOSE MY GRANDCHILDREN TO A BUNCH OF" "OBESE SOPHOMORES..." "BY BODY IS SACRED." "THE CELIBACY CLUB." "IT'S TIME THAT WE'RE TREATED LIKE THE TREASURES THAT WE ARE." "AND, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!" "THERE WAS THE DRAMA CLUB." "ALWAYS WRITTEN, DIRECTED, AND PRODUCED BY SCOTT THOMAS." "OKAY." "I'VE BEEN GIVING THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT." "MERYL STREEP AS MAMA ROSE." " THOUGHTS?" "THOUGHTS?" " YEAH, IT'S DONE." "HUGS." "HUGS." "[SIGHS]" "AND THEN THE ATHLETES." "BOYS, CAN YOU FREEZE FIRE?" "HOT STUFF, CAN YOU FREEZE FIRE?" "YES." "WELL, UM..." "HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE THE LAST AIRBENDER?" "NO." "I SLEEP WITH GIRLS." "OH." "UM, WELL, YOU KNOW..." "IN CERTAIN DIMENSIONS," "YES." "YOU JUST COMPLETELY BLEW MY MIND." "CAN I GET A CLOSE-UP OF YOUR BICEP?" "AND OF COURSE, WORSE THAN DETENTION," "THE WRITERS' CLUB." "HI, MALERIE." "I WROTE ANOTHER SHORT STORY FOR THE CHRONICLE." "GREAT." "LET'S HEAR IT." "IT'S UM..." "THIS ONE, I THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT." "IT'S PROBABLY MY BEST ONE." "[SIGHS]" "CALL ME ISHMAEL." "SOME YEARS AGO," "NEVER MIND HOW LONG PRECISELY" "MALERIE." "DID YOU REALLY WRITE THIS?" "NO." "YOU SAW RIGHT THROUGH ME." "[SIGHS HEAVILY]" "I'M A COMPLETE DISAPPOINTMENT." "DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF." "I MEAN, WRITING TAKES TIME." "YOUR OWN WORDS WOULD HELP, TOO." "BUT I CAN'T THINK OF ANY IDEAS MYSELF." "LIKE, I HAVE NO IMAGINATION." "ALL GOD BLESSED ME WITH WAS THIS FLAWLESS COMPLEXION" "AND REALLY GOOD TABLE TENNIS SKILLS." "I'M LIKE, ASIAN GOOD." "HOW DO YOU DO IT?" "I..." "UH, WELL, I DON'T..." "DON'T TRY TO FIND THE IDEAS." "LET THE IDEAS FIND YOU." "IT'S ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCES." "YOU KNOW, FINDING SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT OR UH..." "REALIZING SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME." "IT COMES OUT OF NOWHERE" "AND THEN IT JUST HITS YOU" "AND IT'S ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT" "AND IT GOES THROUGH YOUR BODY," "AND IT TRIES TO ESCAPE AND, AND" "BE EXPRESSED IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE." "I MEAN, IT'S UH..." " IT'S A LOT LIKE UM..." " LIGHTNING." "YEAH, YEAH." "EXACTLY." "YEAH, EXACTLY." "YEAH." "WELL, DON'T WORRY." "YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT SOON." "[INTERCOM] ATTENTION STUDENT COUNCIL MEMBERS." "THERE'S A MEETING IN THE ACTIVITIES OFFICE." "THEY ONLY HAVE THESE MEETINGS WHEN THEY THINK I'VE GONE HOME." "THE JOKE'S ON THEM." "I NEVER GO HOME." "YEAH, EITHER DO I." "'CAUSE HOME IS OVERRATED." "SO IS MM's WORLD." "SERIOUSLY." "I OFTEN FANTASIZED ABOUT VARIOUS TORTURE METHODS" "I WOULD RATHER HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING THAN SITTING IN A" " STUDENT COUNCIL MEETING." " AND I'M HAPPY TO REPORT" "THAT THERE WILL BE ENOUGH TRAILERS AND TRUCKS FOR ALL THE CLUBS" "TO HAVE FLOATS AT HOMECOMING." "IT WAS RUN BY OUR STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT" "CLAIRE MATHEWS." "YOU KNOW, THAT GIRL." "THE ONE THAT PROBABLY SHITS CUPCAKES." "AND AS EXCITED AS WE ALL ARE ABOUT HOMECOMING," "WE NEED TO CHOOSE A THEME FOR THE SADIE HAWKINS DANCE." "IT'LL BE HERE SOONER THAN WE THINK." " OKAY, ANY IDEAS?" " "FUN UNDER THE SUN."" "THAT SCREAMS "SKIN CANCER" TO ME." "IT WOULD BE FUN." "IT'S AN EXCUSE TO WEAR FLIP FLOPS AND BIKINIS TO SCHOOL." "YES." "WHAT ABOUT "ONE NIGHT IN PARIS"?" "MY FAMILY AND I WENT OVER THE SUMMER AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL." "AB FAB IDEA." "IF WE GO ALL OUT, IT MIGHT RUN US OVER BUDGET." "SO NICHOLAS, DO YOU THINK YOUR DAD COULD COVER IT?" "HE'S NEVER TURNED US DOWN BEFORE." "OKAY, "ONE NIGHT IN PARIS." LIKE THE SEX TAPE?" " COME ON." " OKAY, FINE." "LET'S GO WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT MORE GENERIC" "LIKE "UNDER THE SEA." IT WAS THE THEME" "OF MY PARENTS' SCHOOL DANCE." "WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING FOR ORIGINALITY." " WE AREN'T." " GREAT." "EVERYONE CAN BRING THEIR CRABS." "I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE THE HOLOCAUST." "BITE ME, HOBBIT." "SORRY." "WE DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIM." "HE'S ONLY HERE BECAUSE HE'S THE EDITOR OF THE STUPID PAPER." "WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?" "IT'S NOT LIKE YOU GO TO ANYTHING ANYWAY." " BECAUSE THEY'RE STUPID!" " OKAY, FINE!" "THEN YOU CHOOSE A THEME, CARSON!" "OKAY." "UM..." "YOU ALL LIKE TV, RIGHT?" "WHAT ABOUT FAMOUS TELEVISION COUPLES, HUH?" "PEOPLE COULD BE UM, FRED AND WILMA," "MULDER AND SCULLY, UH, LUCY AND RICKY." " HEIDI AND SPENCER." " JOHN AND KATE." " SNOOKI AND THE SITUATION." " SERIOUS?" "NO." " THAT'S REALITY TV..." " KHLOE AND LAMAR." "YES!" "YES!" "IF I COULDN'T GET THEM TO LISTEN TO ME," "WHAT MADE ME THINK I COULD GET THE WORLD TO?" " WELL, UM..." " OKAY, I THINK WE'RE GOOD." "POOR MOM." "SHE SPENT HER ENTIRE LIFE TRYING TO BE BETTY CROCKER." "AND BECAME BETTY FORD." "ANTIDEPRESSANTS." "ANTI NAUSEA." "ANTIHISTAMINE." "ANTI-ANXIETY." "ACID REFLUX." "ESTROGEN." "OSTEOPOROSIS." "TENDONITIS." "WRAP 'EM UP." "HI THERE." "I'LL JUST POP THESE IN THE COMPUTER AND YOU CAN BE ON YOUR WAY." " WHO ARE YOU?" "WHERE'S CHUCK?" " CHUCK RETIRED." "I'M APRIL ADAMS." "I TOOK OVER FOR HIM." "I'M NEW IN TOWN." "I'M FROM THE BAY AREA." "I WILL BE HERE MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY." "I'M SURE YOUR LIFE IS JUST WONDERFUL, BUT CLEARLY MINE IS NOT." "SO COULD YOU HURRY THIS UP FOR ME PLEASE?" "HOW FAR ALONG ARE YOU?" "SIX MONTHS." "IT'S A BOY." "OOH." "GOOD LUCK WITH THAT." "I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS," "EXCITEMENT, JOY." "ENDLESS CRAVINGS FOR PICKLES AND PEANUT BUTTER." "I'M SURE YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND ARE JUST THRILLED." " FIANCE." " OH, HOW LIBERAL." "GOOD THING SHOTGUN WEDDINGS AREN'T PART OF THOSE GUN LAWS" "YOU PEOPLE VOTED FOR, HUH?" "I'M DONE HERE, MRS. PHILLIPS." " MS." " THEY'LL BE READY IN AN HOUR." "FRESH FROM THE OVEN." "THANK YOU." "I BROUGHT YOU THE LATEST EDITION OF THE CLOVER HIGH CHRONICLE." "MY ARTICLE IS CALLED "SMALL TOWN SEX SCANDAL."" "DO YOU KNOW MY GRANDSON?" "[SIGHS]" "I THINK SO." "I MISS HIM." "HE NEVER COMES TO VISIT ME ANYMORE." "HE USED TO WRITE ME STORIES." "I REMEMBER THE FIRST STORY HE EVER WROTE ME." ""ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A BOY."" " [CHUCKLING]" " I REMEMBER." "I TOLD HIM IT COULD USE A LITTLE DEVELOPMENT." "SO THE NEXT DAY, HE BROUGHT ME ANOTHER STORY." ""ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A BOY WHO..." "WHO WANTED TO FLY."" "I'M WORRIED ABOUT MY GRANDSON THOUGH." "HE'S CHANGED OVER THE YEARS." "HE USED TO BE SO HAPPY AND..." "NOW HE WALKS AROUND WITH SO MUCH NEGATIVE ENERGY." "SOMETIMES..." "SOMEONE'S PERSONAL RAIN CLOUD" "CAN BE DEADLY." "HEY." "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" "MUNICH." "OH." "SOME PEOPLE GET TO COME HOME" "TO WONDERFUL FIANCES AND SONOGRAMS." "AND I GET A..." "SMART-ASS KID I NEVER EVEN WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE." "[LAUGHS]" "I WASN'T WANTED, HUH?" "NEVER HAVE A KID TO SAVE A MARRIAGE." "IT DOES NOT WORK." "[LAUGHS]" "I COULD'VE BEEN A PHARMACIST." "BUT I SETTLED FOR SETTLING DOWN" "BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT I WANTED." "BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE" "WANTED." "IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE, MOTHER." "OH, IT WAS TOO LATE YEARS AGO." "YOU'RE LUCKY, CARSON." "YOU'RE YOUNG AND NAIVE AND," "AND ALL THOSE DREAMS YOU HAVE ABOUT GETTING OUT OF THIS TOWN" "AND BECOMING SOMETHING STILL SEEM REACHABLE." "YOU SHOULD HOLD ONTO THAT AS LONG AS YOU CAN." "[COUGHING]" "GOODNIGHT, MOTHER." "[APRIL] HER LAST NAME WAS PHILLIPS." "YOU HAVE ANY HIDDEN, CRAZY SISTERS I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?" "UM, NOT THAT I'M AWARE OF." "I MEAN, MY FATHER WAS IN THE NAVY, SO..." "GOOD." "YOU HAD ME WORRIED." "I'M SURPRISED YOUR AURA DIDN'T SET OFF THE SMOKE ALARM." "SHE SURE SET YOU OFF." "YEAH." "I'M SORRY." "JUST PEOPLE LIKE THAT MAKE ME QUESTION THE HUMAN RACE." "IT MAKES ME WONDER IF WE'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING" "BY BRINGING ANOTHER ONE INTO THE WORLD." "OH, HEY." "WE'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING." "AND THAT LUNATIC HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US, OUR LIFE, OR OUR CHILD." "OKAY?" "REMEMBER THAT." "OKAY?" "HEY, REMEMBER, WE HAVE THAT MEETING" "WITH THE ATTORNEY TOMORROW." "AND THE NEIGHBOR ACROSS THE STREET WITH THE WONDERING EYE" " WANTS TO HAVE A BARBECUE." " OH, YEAH." "[ANSWERING MACHINE] HI." "YOU'VE REACHED NEAL PHILLIPS" "WITH PR REAL ESTATE." "PLEASE LEAVE A BRIEF MESSAGE" "AND I'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU." "CHILD..." "SUPPORT..." "LATE!" "IS THAT BRIEF ENOUGH FOR YOU, ASSHOLE?" "WE PRINT TOMORROW" "AND NONE OF YOU HAVE WRITTEN ANYTHING." "OH, BUT I DID COLLATE THESE KITTEN PICTURES." "OKAY." "I MEAN, IS THIS HOW IT'S GONNA BE ALL YEAR?" "I MEAN, DO ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO BE HERE?" "I REALLY WANT TO BE HERE." "ALL RIGHT, WELL," "IT LOOKS LIKE I WILL BE HERE ALL NIGHT" "DOING WHAT YOU ALL SHOULD'VE DONE." "AGAIN." "WOULD YOU CUT THE SOLILOQUY SHORT?" "THIS DOESN'T MATTER." "NO ONE READS THE CHRONICANYWAY." "HEY, THE ART CLASS USES IT TO PAPIER-MACHE THINGS." "[PERIOD BELL RINGS]" "CARSON." "WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH?" "JUST DON'T, OKAY?" "[SCOTT] UH, YOU'RE AN ANIMAL." "[NICHOLAS] NO, YOU ARE." " [SCOTT] MM-HMM." " [NICHOLAS] NO, YOU ARE." "[NICHOLAS] OKAY, I AM." "[SCOTT] MM-HMM, I TOLD YOU." " [CARSON] AHEM!" " [SCOTT] GET OFF ME!" "[TOILET FLUSHES]" "WELL, GENTLEMEN." "I..." "AM..." "SHOCKED." "AMUSED." "BUT SHOCKED." "GO AHEAD." "TELL THE WHOLE WORLD." "WE DON'T CARE." "GOD, SCOTT." "PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYBODY." "MY PARENTS CAN'T FIND OUT." "LISTEN, CAGNEY, LACEY." "I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE AN OUTCAST." "I BET." "I WOULDN'T WISH THE STRUGGLES OF AN OUTED OUTCAST TO ANYONE." "SO I WON'T TELL." " THANK YOU." "THANK YOU." " FANTASTIC." "BUT..." "SINCE I WILL BE KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT ABOUT YOUR" "YOU KNOW, INABILITIES, YOU KNOW, NOT TO," "PERHAPS YOU COULD RETURN A FAVOR." " HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?" " OH, NO." "HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT." "NO!" "I DON'T WANT YOU TO SHIT A DIME FOR ME, NICHOLAS." "BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THE CLOVER HIGH CHRONICLE COULD USE?" " A FINANCE SECTION." " [SCOFFS]" "AND A WEEKLY UPDATE FROM THE PERFORMING ARTS DEPARTMENT." "YOU WANT US TO WRITE FOR YOU HID-E-ODOUS SCHOOL PAPER?" " FOR HOW LONG?" " NO." "UNTIL WE GRADUATE AND GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS." "THAT'S IT." "NO." "I'D RATHER YOU JUST LET THE WHOLE SCHOOL KNOW." " SHUT UP, SCOTT." " DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT." "JUST BECAUSE HE'S HERE, YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?" " WE'LL DO IT." " GENTLEMEN," "SHARPEN YOUR PENCILS." "[BOB] I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU BOTH" "FOR COMING TODAY." "UM, THERE'S NO DELICATE WAY TO PUT THIS," "SO I'M JUST GOING TO SAY IT." "NEAL, YOU CANNOT MARRY APRIL" "BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL MARRIED." "[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]" "HOW COME I'M THE ONLY ONE LAUGHING HERE?" "UM, HOW?" "YOUR WIFE NEVER SIGNED THE DIVORCE PAPERS." "THIS IS A REALLY LONG JOKE, YOU GUYS." "WELL, UM, APRIL." "UM..." "THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT?" "'CAUSE YOU WOULD'VE TOLD ME IF YOU HAD AN EX-WIFE" "OR SO MUCH AS A COCKER SPANIEL" " BEFORE WE HAD" " JUST" " JUST A SON." "HIS NAME IS CARSON PHILLIPS." "SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD." "A SON?" "OKAY, I'VE GOTTA GO." "APRIL" "DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING TO ME." "BOB." "[PERIOD BELL RINGS]" "CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHICH PRESIDENT'S ADMINISTRATION" " WAS REFERRED TO AS CAMELOT?" " CLINTON?" "NO." "THAT WAS CAME-A-LOT." "HEH, HEH, HEH, HEH." "[CELL PHONE RINGING]" "[CELL PHONE RINGING]" "HEY, SHERYL." "IT'S NEAL." "LISTEN, WE NEED TO TALK." "IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT." "SO I'M GONNA COME OVER THERE THIS AFTERNOON" "AND I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE DO." "SEE YOU SOON." "THANKS." "THANKS." "YOU HEARD BACK FROM" " NORTHWESTERN?" " OH, MY GOD!" "YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME!" "IT'S A JUICE CUP." "UM, YES, I DID." "THAT IS A FANCY SCHMANCY SCHOOL YOU'RE LOOKING AT UP THERE." " AND?" " WELL, I DIDN'T FIND OUT" "IF YOU'D BEEN ACCEPTED OR DENIED," "BUT THE PERSON I TALKED TO SAID THAT HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPERS" "AND CLUBS JUST AREN'T CUTTING IT ANYMORE." "SO, IF YOU WANT TO IMPRESS THEM, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUBMIT" " SOMETHING ELSE." " LIKE WHAT?" "UM..." "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS DOWN." "SOMEWHERE I MADE A LIST." "HERE WE GO." "YOU COULD SUBMIT A NOVEL, A BOOK OF POEMS..." "I CAN'T READ MY HANDWRITING DOWN THERE." "I'M NOT A NOVELIST AND I'M NOT A POET." "I'M A JOURNALIST." "I KNOW." "YOU'RE A JOURNALIST." "UM, WHAT ABOUT A LITERARY MAGAZINE?" " A LITERARY MAGAZINE?" " IT'S NOT AS COMMON" "AS A HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPER, AND YOU KNOW, A MAGAZINE" "FILLED WITH YOUR WORK AND THE WORK OF OTHER STUDENTS," "WELL, I THINK IT WOULD SHOW THEM THAT YOU CAN INSPIRE OTHERS TO WRITE" "WHILE WRITING YOURSELF." "OKAY, I'LL DO IT." "HOW?" "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO A LITERARY MAGAZINE." "BUT GET PERMISSION FROM THE PRINCIPAL FIRST," "BECAUSE HE CAN BE SUCH AN ASSHOLE." "UM..." "OKAY." "ALL RIGHT." "UM..." "THANK YOU." "[DOORBELL RINGS]" "[SIGHS]" "OKAY." "HI, SHERYL." " NEAL." " YEAH." "YOUR SCREEN'S STILL BROKEN." " CAN I COME IN?" " UH, WELL, JUST FOR A MINUTE" "'CAUSE I'M EXPECTING COMPANY SO..." "YEAH." "OKAY, SURE." " HEY." " HEY." "HEY." "OH." "IT'S PINK NOW." "YEAH." "HMM." "CAN I GET YOU A BEER?" "UM, LET'S SEE." "WELL, NO." "NO, I THINK I'M GOOD." "THANKS." "HI." "YOU LOOK..." " YOU LOOK GOOD, SHERYL." " OH." " NO, COME ON." " OH, THANKS." "I'D SAY THE SAME ABOUT YOU BUT THEN WE'D BOTH BE LIARS." "YEAH." "THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU WERE SCREAMING" "PROFANITIES AT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET." " SO THIS IS A STEP UP." " I THINK YOU ARE EXAGGERATING" " JUST A LITTLE BIT." " NO, NO." " YEAH." " BUT I DESERVED IT." "SO WHY ARE YOU HERE, NEAL?" "DID YOU COME TO GLOAT ABOUT YOUR NEW HAPPY LIFE?" "UH, NO." "I'M HERE BECAUSE UM..." "[LAUGHS]" "YOU NEVER SIGNED THE DIVORCE PAPERS." "OH, JEEZ." "I THOUGHT I MAILED THOSE BACK IN." " YEAH, NO." " OH, MAYBE I UH," "RIPPED THEM UP INTO LITTLE PIECES" "AND THREW 'EM INTO THE FIREPLACE." "I FORGET." "[CARSON] I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU!" "I KNOW YOU CAN SEE ME!" "I'M TIRED." "WHAT DO YOU NEED, MR. PHILLIPS?" "I ALREADY TOLD YOU I CAN'T FORCE THE ENGLISH TEACHERS TO PASS OUT" "THE CHRONICLE OR ANY OTHER BIASED PUBLICATION." "I HAVE ABSOLUTELY HAVE NO INQUIRIES OR REQUESTS ABOUT THE CHRONICLE." "UH, GOD!" "I..." "I WANT TO START A SCHOOL LITERARY MAGAZINE." "[LAUGHS]" "WHY-WHY-- WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?" "OKAY, FINE." "YOU CAN START YOUR LITERARY MAGAZINE OR YOU KNOW," "YOU CAN START A HUNTING MAGAZINE FOR ALL I CARE," "BUT..." "YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND YOUR OWN FUNDING BECAUSE..." "THE SCHOOL IS BROKE." "I'D ALSO LIKE TO ANNOUNCE IT AT THE ASSEMBLY THIS WEEK." " [LAUGHS]" " IT'LL TAKE THREE SECONDS." "FINE." "IF FOR NOTHING ELSE THAN MY OWN AMUSEMENT." "GREAT." "GREAT." "THANK YOU." "THANK YOU." "HEY!" "BREAK IT UP!" "NOT ON MY CAMPUS!" "THERE'S A MOTEL 6 DOWN THE STREET!" "[SCREAMS]" "I GOT YA!" "I GOT YA!" "I GOT YA!" "YEP, THAT'S IT." "YEP, IT'S JUST PAPERS." "SIGNATURE DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING." "[EXHALES HEAVILY]" "OKAY." "YEAH, THANKS, SHERYL." "FOR WHAT'S IT'S WORTH, I'M SORRY." "I'M SORRY I'M NOT THE MAN YOU WANTED ME TO BE." " YEAH." "ME, TOO." " YEAH." "ME, TOO." "OKAY." "OH, PLEASE." "PLEASE, PLEASE." "OKAY." "I'LL SEE YA." "OKAY." "I'LL SEE YA." "[SHERYL] THERE'S SO MUCH STRESS IN MY LIFE." "IT'S A MIRACLE I'M ABLE TO FUNCTION AS WELL AS I DO." "BUT DOES ANYBODY CARE?" "DOES ANYBODY..." "DOES MY SON SEE HOW MUCH I STRUGGLE EVERY SINGLE DAY?" " WELL, I DON'T ENVY YOU." " THANK YOU, DR. WHEELER." "YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO UNDERSTANDS MY SITUATION." "HE'S BECOMING MORE AND MORE LIKE HIS FATHER EVERY DAY." "HE'S RUDE, SARCASTIC." "HE MAKES A JOKE AT MY EXPENSE WHENEVER HE CAN." "AND ALL HE TALKS ABOUT IS LEAVING FOR COLLEGE ONE DAY." "EVERYBODY ABANDONS ME OR PLANS TO ABANDON ME." "IF I HAD A GOLDFISH..." "HE WOULD PROBABLY ABANDON YOU AS WELL." " IT WOULD ABANDON ME." " BUT YOU DON'T HAVE A GOLDFISH." "NO, I DON'T, THANK GOD." "WELL, THE THING ABOUT GOLDFISH IS" "THEY'RE IN THAT BOWL, THEY CAN'T GET OUT." " IT WOULD FIND A WAY." " [LAUGHING]" "THAT'S PRETTY EXTREME THINKING." " UM, LET ME ASK YOU THIS." " YES." " IS HE ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS?" " NO." " DO YOU THINK HE NEEDS THEM?" " DO I THINK HE NEEDS THEM?" "WELL, IN ALL HONESTY," "I THINK ALL TEENAGERS NEED THEM" "WHETHER THEY'RE DEPRESSED OR NOT." "YOU KNOW, TEENAGERS ARE SO FULL OF HORMONES." "THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT." "ALL THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT IS RUBBING AGAINST A PILLOW OR A CUSHION" "OR ANOTHER TEENAGER." "YOU KNOW, SO." "I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER." "AND I THINK IF HE HAD SOMETHING TO GROUND HIM," "UH, HE WOULDN'T BE SO EAGER TO FLY AWAY." "YOU NEED TO BE ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS." "NO WAY." "YOU'RE MEDICATED ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US." "AREN'T YOU DEPRESSED?" "CURRENTLY, WHILE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION?" "YEAH." "EVERYONE GETS DEPRESSED." "IT'S AN EMOTION." "PEOPLE TURN TO PILLS." "BEFORE THEY TURN TO THEIR PROBLEMS THESE DAYS." "WELL, SOMETIMES IT'S THE ONLY SOLUTION." "YOU'RE DEPRESSING ME RIGHT NOW." "ARE YOU SAYING THAT" "I'M GONNA TAKE A PILL AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA DISAPPEAR?" "THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR." "AND SO ARE MOST PRESCRIPTION DRUGS." "WE ARE LIVING IN A MEDICATED SOCIETY." "WE START DRUGGING KIDS WITH A.D.D., WHICH THEY ALL HAVE," "AND THEN IT DOESN'T STOP TILL DEATH." "YOU WERE ON ADD MEDICATION AS A KID, AND YOU TURNED OUT" "SOMEWHAT DECENT." "NO, I WASN'T." "I HID IT IN YOUR FOOD." "I THOUGHT I WAS JUST REALLY CALM AND MATURE FOR MY AGE." "NOPE, YOU WERE DRUGGED." "WHEN YOUR FATHER AND I STARTED OUR DIVORCE," "YOU STARTED ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS, WE FOUND IT EASIER" "TO ROOFIE YOU THAN ANSWER YOU." "WELL, IT ISN'T DINNER UNLESS SOME FORM OF" "MY CHILDHOOD FOUNDATION IS SHATTERED." "[GROANS]" " I NEED MONEY." " I GIVE YOU AN ALLOWANCE." "I NEED MORE MONEY." "$300." "I WANT TO START A LITERARY MAGAZINE AT SCHOOL," "AND I NEED MONEY TO PRINT THE FIRST 100 COPIES OR SO." "NO." "WHY NOT?" "I KNOW YOU'RE ROLLING IN IT." "GRANDPA DIED AND LEFT US EVERYTHING." "WRONG." "HE LEFT ME EVERYTHING." "YOU, HIS CAR." " WHAT ABOUT MY COLLEGE FUND?" " KEY WORD, COLLEGE." "OKAY." "IF I START TAKING ANTIDEPRESSANTS," "WILL YOU GIVE ME THE MONEY TO START MY LITERARY MAGAZINE?" "DEAL." "PASS ME THE SALT." "HELLO, FUTURE FARMERS AND INMATES." "I'M CARSON PHILLIPS FROM THE CLOVER HIGH CHRONICLE" "HERE WITH SOME VERY EXCITING NEWS." "THIS YEAR, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER," "CLOVER HIGH WILL RELEASE ITS FIRST LITERARY MAGAZINE." "WHOO!" "AWESOME!" "[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]" "NOW, I KNOW MOST OF YOU CAN'T READ LET ALONE WRITE," "BUT FOR ALL THE SECRET WRITERS OUT THERE," "PLEASE SUBMIT ANY ORIGINAL WORK" "TO THE BOX OUTSIDE THE JOURNALISM CLASSROOM AND IT WILL BE PUBLISHED." "POEMS." "SHORT STORIES." "HIT LISTS." "ANYTHING." "OKAY." "THANK YOU." "GOD BLESS." "WHOO!" "CARSON!" "OKAY, ASSEMBLY DISMISSED." "RETURN TO YOUR HOMEROOMS." "AND HEY!" "SAY HELLO TO SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW TODAY." "I AM SO EXCITED FOR HOMECOMING TONIGHT." "OUR FLOAT IS GONNA BE FLAWLESS." "THE CROWD IS GONNA LOVE IT." "WHOO!" " [SIGHS]" " OH..." "NO." "SHITERARY MAGAZINE." "GOD." "TYPICAL." "I MEAN," "I CAN'T EVEN RUN A SCHOOL NEWSPAPER." "I DON'T KNOW WHY" "I THOUGHT I COULD START A LITERARY MAGAZINE." "[SIGHS]" " OH..." " PERSONAL SPACE, MALERIE." "OKAY." "JUST DON'T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF." "IF YOU CAN GET NICHOLAS FORBES" "AND SCOTT THOMAS TO JOIN THE CHRONICLE," "THEN I THINK YOU CAN DO ANYTHING." "I'M BLACKMAILING THEM." "I CAUGHT THEM PLAYING LEWIS AND CLARK IN THE BOY'S BATHROOM." " DON'T ASK." " THERE SEEMS TO BE" "A LOT OF THAT GOING ON RIGHT NOW." "I CAUGHT CLAIRE MATHEWS" "AND COACH COLIN BONKING..." "EACH OTHER..." "IN THE BOY'S LOCKER ROOM." "I JUST GO IN THERE TO THINK SOMETIMES." "COACH COLIN WALKER?" "I THOUGHT SHE WAS DATING JUSTIN WALKER." "OH, THAT MUST BE AWKWARD." "TOO BAD THEY AREN'T WRITERS." "IF THEY HAD WORK IN THE MAGAZINE," "THEN EVERYBODY WOULD WANT TO HAVE WORK IN THE LITERARY MAGAZINE." "IT WOULD SELL OUT FOR SURE." "YOU KNOW, IT JUST MAKES YOU THINK THOUGH." "EVERYBODY HAS SOMETHING TO HIDE..." "EVEN CLAIRE MATHEWS." "HA!" "YEAH." "YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT." "I TRAVEL LIGHTLY TODAY." "NOT A PROBLEM, MRS. PHILLIPS." "MS. MS. MS." "WHAT?" "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME" "LIKE I JUST TOLD YOU I USED TO BE A MAN?" "THIS IS FOR CARSON PHILLIPS?" "YEAH, THAT'S MY SON." "WHY DOES HE NEED ANTIDEPRESSANTS?" "I DON'T THINK THAT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS, APRIL." " FORGIVE ME, MISS PHILLIPS" " YOU KNOW WHAT, CALL ME SHERYL." "JUST SIMPLE SHERYL." "I THINK I MAY BE ENGAGED TO YOUR EX-HUSBAND." "NEAL PHILLIPS?" "WAIT!" "MISS PHILLIPS?" "SHERYL?" "!" "[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]" "HI." "HI." "HOW WAS WORK?" "NOT GOOD." "I'M SORRY, BUT THERE'S ONLY SO MANY TIMES" "I CAN SAY I'M SORRY." "BUT I WANT YOU TO REALIZE" "THAT ALL OF THAT WAS A REALLY" "DARK PERIOD FOR ME." "UM, SO..." "CAN YOU REALLY BLAME ME FOR NOT WANTING TO" "CARRY IT WITH ME?" "CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR WANTING TO FORGET ABOUT IT?" "I WANT TO MEET HIM." "YOUR SON, I WANT TO MEET HIM." "YEAH." "WE TRIED SELLING SOME AD SPACE TO LOCAL BUSINESSES" "BUT I HAD NO TAKERS." "WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT." "WHY COULDN'T I HAVE WORN SOMETHING LIKE THAT?" "OKAY." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE WEARING," "BUT I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS." "THE TRUCK PULLING" "THE CHEER FLOAT'S ENGINE JUST DIED," " SO THEY'RE TAKING YOURS." " EXCUSE ME?" "OH, UM, MY APOLOGIES." "BUT YOU KNOW, HOMECOMING'S NOTHING" "WITHOUT THE CHEER FLOAT." "OKAY, THEN GO TAKE THE ATHLETES FLOAT AWAY." "I MEAN, THEY PRIDE THEMSELVES RUNNING AROUND LIKE MULES ANYWAY." "MY DECISION'S FINAL." "OKAY." "FINAL." "WELL, AT LEAST WE HAD FUN MAKING IT." "NO." "THEY'RE GONNA SEE THIS FLOAT IF IT KILLS ME." "NICE COSTUME." "NICE LIFE." "[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]" "[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]" "YEAH!" "YEAH!" "WHOO!" "[BAND PLAYING "PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY"]" "[BAND PLAYING "PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY"]" "YEAH!" " YOU'RE THE MAN!" " SCREW YOU!" " ARE YOU DRUNK?" " WASTED." "♪ NO MATTER WHAT..." "[CLAIRE] MY APOLOGIES, BUT, YOU KNOW," "HOMECOMING'S NOTHING WITHOUT THE CHEER FLOAT." "[MALERIE] NO ONE READS THE "CHRONICLE" ANYWAY." "[GIRL] HE'S ONLY HERE BECAUSE HE'S THE EDITOR OF THAT STUPID PAPER." "♪ NO MATTER WHAT..." " [TELEPHONE RINGS]" " HELLO?" "MALERIE?" "IT'S CARSON." " WHO?" " CARSON PHILLIPS." "OH, YEAH, I KNEW." "OPERATION CLOVERGATE'S IN EFFECT." "SO MANY PEOPLE TO BLACKMAIL, SO LITTLE TIME." "BUT HOW'RE WE GONNA BLACKMAIL ALL OF THEM?" "HUMPH." "I DON'T KNOW." "I GOT DIRT ON MOST OF THEM." "SO I'M NOT SURE." "BUT THEN AGAIN," "COLUMBUS WASN'T SURE IF NORTH AMERICA WAS THERE." "BUT IT DIDN'T STOP HIM" "FROM SAILING TO IT." "AND ONCE HE WAS THERE," " YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?" " WHAT?" "HE ENSLAVED EVERY SINGLE INDIAN AROUND HIM." "OH, YOU LITTLE INDIANS, LOOK OUT." "YEAH." "SOME WILL BE MUCH EASIER THAN OTHERS." "N-N-NO." "♪" "♪ WHEN THE SKY" "♪ OPENS" "♪ AND THE SOUND COMES OUT OF IT NOW ♪" "♪ IT'S LIKE A BREATH OF AIR IT'S LIKE A SPLASH OF WATER ♪" "♪ IT'S LIKE A SLAP" "♪ ON THE HAND..." "YOU'RE "BADBOY2012"?" "I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU ANYMORE." "NOT THAT IT WAS EASY BEFORE." "IT'S A NICE DAY." "HEY, SIEGFRIED." "HERE YOU GO." "HEY, ROY, ENJOY." "AHEM!" " WHAT'S THIS?" " [LAUGHING]" "COME ON." "YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS." "YOU LEFT IT IN THE JOURNALISM CLASSROOM." "UM, DID YOU GUYS WANT SOME?" "IF WE WERE RESPONSIBLE STUDENTS WE WOULD GO RIGHT NOW" "TO THE SCHOOL AUTHORITIES." "LISTEN, I'LL WRITE THE MOVIE REVIEW," "I PROMISE YOU." "HUH?" "IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT." "WHAT A RUSH." "♪ NO MATTER WHAT" "♪ I SAY" "CAN I HELP YOU?" "I WAS UH, JUST GOOGLING SOME SATAN WORSHIPING CULTS," "YOU KNOW, A HOBBY OF MINE, AND" "I CAME ACROSS THESE." "CHECK THESE OUT, RIGHT?" "ISN'T THAT YOU, I BELIEVE, WITH A WHIP IN YOUR MOUTH?" "YES, YES, HERE YOU'RE RIDING SOME GUYS IN THIS ONE." "YES, THAT'S GREAT." "AND THIS ONE." "THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE." "WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME THESE?" "OH, I JUST WANT TO PROTECT YOU, VICKI." "I MEAN, I'D HATE IT IF THESE WERE ACCIDENTALLY EMAILED TO YOUR MOM." "DOES SHE STILL TEACH SUNDAY SCHOOL" "AT RYDER BAPTIST CHURCH?" "AND WHEN I SAY TEAMWORK," "WHAT'S THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND?" "SHUT UP!" "MOVE YOUR BOOKS." "MOVE YOUR BOOKS!" "♪ TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT" "♪ HEARD YOU LIKE TO FORNICATE" "[CLAIRE] CARSON!" "I WANT YOU TO BE THERE" "AT THAT TIME." "I ALSO WANT TO RECOMMEND NOT SLEEPING WITH STUDENTS..." "STRONGLY RECOMMEND IT." "STRONGLY RECOMMEND IT." "I COULD GET FIRED FOR THIS, AND I NEED THAT DENTAL PLAN." "IT'S NORMAL TO BE WITH OLDER WOMEN IN YOUR CULTURE, RIGHT?" "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, BUT YOU ARE SO HOT." "AND YOUNG AND TANNISH AND IMPORTED." "OH, GOD." "I FEEL LIKE I'M IN EAT, PRAY, LOVE." " WAS THAT DIRTY TALK?" " SI." "OH, I LOVE DIRTY TALK." "OH, YOU'RE SO "SPANELICIOUS!" I LOVE IT!" "[MAN] MS. HASTINGS?" "COMING." "[CELL PHONE RINGS]" " HOLA?" " WHAT'S UP, MAN?" "[REGULAR VOICE] HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, BRO?" "NAH, NOTHING." "I WAS JUST FEELING UP THE RECEPTIONIST." "YEAH, DUDE, NO, THE RECEPTIONIST." "IT'S INSANE." "I'M ONE AWAY FROM BEATING MY RECORD." "I LITERALLY PUT THE "DICK" IN VALEDICTORIAN." "IT'S..." "I'LL CALL YOU BACK." "SO, EMILIO..." "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A FORNICATING EXCHANGE STUDENT?" "AND I WOULD TONE DOWN THE TELEMUNDO." " MALERIE HERE IS IN SPANISH 4." " SI." "I'M ALSO FLUENT IN CELTIC AND ELVISH." "TAKE THAT LIGHT IN YOUR FACE." "ALL RIGHT, LOOK." "I'M NOT FROM EL SALVADOR OBVIOUSLY." "I'M FROM SAN DIEGO." " [SNICKERS]" " SEA WORLD, I KNEW IT." "I KNEW HE SMELT VERY FAINTLY OF DOLPHIN." " NO, I DON'T." " WHAT ELSE?" "TELL US THE TRUTH!" "SPEAK." "THE ONLY SPANISH I KNOW IS FROM LEVEL ONE," "ROSETTA STONE, WHICH I STOLE." "I'VE BEEN SAYING THE SAME 10 PHRASES OVER AND OVER AGAIN" "AND NO ONE SEEMS TO NOTICE." "PLEASE DON'T TELL MY HOST FAMILY." " DUDE, THEY'D HAVE ME ARRESTED." " WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?" "ARE YOU KIDDING?" "I GET FOOD, HOUSING..." "AND GIRLS." "DUDE, GIRLS LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN A GUY THAT SPEAKS SPANISH." "THAT JUST LITTLE-- [ROLLS TONGUE]-- OH, MY GOD." "IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW." " [ROLLS TONGUE]" " CONTINUE." "DUDE, YOU CAN'T BLAME ME." "YEAH, YEAH, I CAN." "I CAN BLAME YOU MUCHAS GRACIAS, SENORITA." "THIS IS FOR YOU." " SI, "SE PAEDOPHILE."" " AND JUST REMEMBER," "WE HAVE THIS ALL ON FILM." "WELL, HELLO, EVERYONE." "AND WELCOME TO THE JOURNALISM CLASSROOM." " YOU FASCIST." " OKAY, ENOUGH WITH THE NAMES," "ALL RIGHT?" "OKAY, LOOK." "I'LL MAKE THIS SHORT AND SWEET." "YOU'RE ALL HERE BECAUSE I'VE GOT DIRT ON YOU." "OKAY, WELL, I KNOW WHY I'M HERE." "PRETTY SURE I KNOW WHY DWAYNE'S HERE." "WHY ARE THE REST OF YOU HERE?" "THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW AND THE REST OF YOU" "TO NEVER KNOW IF ALL GOES AS PLANNED." "THIS IS BULLSHIT." "NOT TO MENTION ILLEGAL." "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY" "LAWYERS MY FAMILY HAS?" " SEVEN." " ALL RIGHT, LISTEN." "IF ANY OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE" "THE INFORMATION I HAVE ON YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO" "AND THEN LEAVE THE ROOM." "DIDN'T THINK SO." "I'M LATE FOR HELLO DOLLY REHEARSAL" " SO WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?" " AS YOU ALL KNOW," "I AM STARTING A SCHOOL LITERARY MAGAZINE." "YOU WANT US TO BUY YOUR MAGAZINE?" "YOU CLAIRE, NO." "I WOULD NEVER EXPECT YOU" "TO RECOGNIZE AN INTELLIGENT PUBLICATION LET ALONE PURCHASE ONE." "BUT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILIES, YES." "WHY?" "'CAUSE YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE IN IT." "I WANT A LITERARY SUBMISSION FROM EACH OF YOU." "SO THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT?" "THIS IS RIDICULOUS." "I'M NOT EVEN A STUDENT HERE." "IT'S BECAUSE I WANT MORE FROM YOU." "AND FROM YOU." "I WANT A SUBMISSION FROM EACH FOOTBALL PLAYER AND CHEERLEADER." "WHAT?" "OH, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME, MY CHEER TEAM, OR ANYONE ELSE" "DO ANYTHING, OKAY?" "SEE, THERE IS A REASON" "WHY YOU AND PRECIOUS IN THE CORNER OVER THERE" "ARE THE ONLY MEMBERS OF YOUR CLUB." "OKAY?" "AND IT'S BECAUSE EVERYBODY HATES YOU." "EVEN IF YOU SPREAD" "WHATEVER INFORMATION YOU HAVE ON US AROUND THE SCHOOL," "NO ONE IS GOING TO BELIEVE YOU, GOT IT?" " I WILL TOTALLY BELIEVE HIM." " YOU DON'T COUNT." "OH, WE DON'T COUNT?" "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "THEY WILL BELIEVE, 'CAUSE WE WILL SPREAD THAT SHIT LIKE NUTELLA." "ALL RIGHT, FOR YEARS" "I HAVE BEEN POKED AND STABBED WITH YOUR BITCH FORK." "YOU HAVE BEATEN ME DOWN" "TO THE BOTTOM OF THE HIGH SCHOOL FOOD CHAIN" "WITH THE SHITTY END OF THE STICK FOR FAR TOO LONG." "YOU DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA BELIEVE ME?" "I WILL MAKE THEM BELIEVE ME!" "YOU DON'T THINK" "THEY'VE JUST BEEN WAITING FOR AN EXCUSE TO TURN AGAINST YOU?" "I MEAN, SURE THEY ALL HATE ME, BUT THAT'S BECAUSE" "I'M THE ONLY PERSON IN TOWN WITH AN IQ LARGER THAN MY SHOE SIZE" "AND I DON'T HESITATE TO REMIND PEOPLE THAT!" "SO GO AHEAD AND PLAY ALL THE MIND GAMES YOU WANT." "I'M NOT ACCEPTING THAT" "INVITATION TO INTIMIDATION ANY LONGER, ALL RIGHT?" "!" "I'VE GOT A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT TO GAIN AND NOTHING TO LOSE" "AND THIS TIME NONE OF YOU ARE STOPPING ME!" "DO YOU NEED SOME EXAMPLES?" "!" "HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES, ALL RIGHT," "POETRY, SHORT STORIES, ESSAYS, SCRIPTS, NOVELS, ANYTHING!" "AS LONG AS IT'S IN YOUR WORDS, IN MY HANDS ASAP!" "YOU GOT IT?" "!" "WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU HATE ME." "WRITE IN DETAIL ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO KILL ME, OKAY?" "!" "NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!" "[MALERIE] EXCUSE ME." "[LABORED BREATHING]" "I'M WORRIED MOST OF YOU" "HAVE TAKEN ONE TOO MANY TACKLES TO THE HEAD." "WE CAN'T BEAT A TEAM UNLESS WE OUTTHINK A TEAM." "SO..." "TO PROVE YOU ARE ALL CAPABLE OF DOING THAT," "I WANT YOU ALL TO SUBMIT SOMETHING" "TO THE SCHOOL LITERARY MAGAZINE." " [GROANING]" " UH, WHAT THE" "DON'T QUESTION ME, HIT THE SHOWERS NOW!" "[BLOWS WHISTLE]" "[MALE STUDENT] I LIKE THE COLOR GREEN." "WHEN I SEE GREEN, I THINK OF TREES, PLANTS" "AND GRASS." "WHEN I THINK OF GRASS, I THINK OF FOOTBALL..." " BRILLIANT." " [CLAIRE] WE CAN'T CHEER" "IF WE'RE NOT CULTURED." "I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO WRITE SOMETHING" "FOR THE LITERARY MAGAZINE, OKAY?" "[SIGHS]" "NOW LET'S GO DO A FRICKIN' PYRAMID." "[CLAIRE'S VOICE] I LOVE CHEERLEADING." "BUT THE WORST THING ABOUT BEING ON TOP OF THE PYRAMID IS" "YOU CAN GET REALLY HURT IF YOU FALL." "[VICKI'S VOICE] IT WAS A WORLD OF VAMPIRES AND DEMONS" "WHERE INNOCENCE WAS RARE" "AND SO WERE THE LIVING." "[DWAYNE'S VOICE] WHY DO PEOPLE LIVE 2D LIVES IN A 3D WORLD" "WHEN THEY CAN LIVE 4D LIVES ALL THE TIME?" "YEAH." "[SCOTT'S VOICE] I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT I WAS DESTINED FOR FAME." "THE IMAGE OF MY NAME IN LIGHTS ISN'T JUST A DREAM," "IT'S A PREMONITION." "[NICHOLAS' VOICE] ROSES ARE RED," "VIOLETS ARE BLUE," "NO AMOUNT OF MONEY COULD KEEP ME AWAY FROM YOU." "[REMY'S VOICE] THERE WAS ONCE A LITTLE PRINCESS" "WITH SEVERAL RESPONSIBILITIES." "HER PARENTS, THE KING AND QUEEN," "PUT WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON HER" "SINCE THEY HAD TROUBLES MANAGING THE KINGDOM." "MALERIE WRITING" "PART 38." "ACTION." "CALL ME..." "ISABELLA." "IT'S GENIUS." "[CARSON] IT WAS ANYTHING LIKE I'D EVER EXPERIENCED." "FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE," "I WAS WINNING." "FOR THE FIRST TIME, EVERYTHING SEEMED REACHABLE." "IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS." "SO I'M BLACKMAILING THE ENTIRE SCHOOL" "TO BETTER MY CHANCES OF GETTING INTO THE UNIVERSITY" "OF MY DREAMS, AND IT'S EXHILARATING." "I MEAN, WHO'D OF THOUGHT THAT ONE OF" "MY BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS WOULD BE CRIMINAL?" " GET OUT." " OH, NO," "NOT TODAY, GRANDMA." "PLEASE DON'T." " NOT TODAY." " GET OUT." "GET OUT." "I DO NOT KNOW YOU!" "ALL RIGHT, OKAY, I'M LEAVING." "[CLAIRE] SO WE STILL NEED A VENUE FOR PROM, ANY IDEAS?" "I WAS THINKING QUAIL GARDENS." "WHAT ABOUT MOTEL 6 UP THE HIGHWAY?" "I MEAN, EVERYONE HEADS UP THERE AFTER PROM ANYWAY, RIGHT?" "ANY OBJECTIONS TO QUAIL GARDENS?" "[TOGETHER] NO OBJECTIONS." "ISN'T QUAIL GARDENS" "LIKE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY?" "AND PROM IS USUALLY IN THE BEGINNING OF SUMMER" "SO EVERYONE'S GONNA BE EATEN ALIVE BY BUGS." "I THINK THE UH, THE CLOVER DINING HALL WOULD BE CHEAPER" " AND SMARTER." " OKAY," "CLOVER DINING HALL IT IS." " AWESOME, MOVING ON." " WE NEED A THEME." "HOW 'BOUT A FAIRY TALE THEME?" "WE COULD DO" "AN EASY CINDERELLA SETTING FOR PHOTOS." "OH, MY GOD." "I LOVE RAPUNZEL." "YEAH, I'M NOT SURE ALL THE STUDENTS" "WOULD APPRECIATE UM, THAT THEME." "LIKE THE MALE ONES." "WHY DON'T YOU GUYS DO LIKE A, UH, ERA THEME," "LIKE THE ROARING '20s OR SOMETHING?" "[SIGHS] '20s IS FINE." "SUPER." "OKAY." "WHY ARE YOU GUYS, UH," "LETTING ME MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS?" "IT WAS A LOT MORE FUN WHEN I GOT TO ARGUE WITH YOU." "ARE YOU GONNA MAKE US WRITE MORE IF WE DO?" " ANYTHING FOR ME?" " NO," "JUST BILLS AND ADS" "AND BILLS, BILLS, BILLS." "LET ME SEE." "MAGAZINES..." "UH, LET ME KNOW IF YOU FIND ANYTHING." " YEP." " THANK YOU." "HOWDY." "HERE IS MY ENTRY FOR THE MAGAZINE." "UH, GREAT." "IS IT ABOUT CONTRACEPTION?" "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "IT MUST BE REALLY NICE" "TO HAVE PLANS TO JOURNEY OUT INTO THE WORLD," "BUT SOME OF US DON'T HAVE THAT CAPABILITY." "SOME OF US ARE STUCK HERE AND HAVE TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT," "SO EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN MY SENIOR YEAR." "IT COULD BE THE LAST CHANCE THAT I GET." "AND WHY ARE YOU INCAPABLE?" "WHY ARE YOU STUCK HERE?" "SECOND GRADE MRS. McCOY'S CLASSROOM." "I DOUBT YOU REMEMBER THIS, BUT I DO." "WE WENT AROUND THE ROOM AND WE ALL SAID WHAT WE WANTED TO BE" "WHEN WE GREW UP." "I SAID THAT I WANTED TO BE A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE WINNER" " AND YOU SAID..." " I WANTED TO BE A BALLERINA." "WHAT STOPPED YOU?" " THEY ALL LAUGHED AT ME." " BUT I DIDN'T LAUGH AT YOU." "IN WHAT GRADE DO WE STOP BELIEVING IN OURSELVES?" "WELL, WHAT GRADE DO WE JUST STOP BELIEVING PERIOD?" "I MEAN, SOMEONE HAS TO BE A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE WINNER." "SOMEONE HAS TO BE A BALLERINA." "WHY NOT US?" "[SIGHS]" "NOW I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE THAT GETS THAT." "[CELL PHONE RINGS]" "YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M HERE AT SCHOOL," "I JUST TURN MY PHONE OFF" "SO THAT I DON'T HEAR IT NOT RINGING." " [RINGING CONTINUES]" " WHO IS IT?" "IT'S..." "MY DAD." "HELLO?" "HEY, CARSON." "I DIDN'T MEAN TO CALL YOU AFTER SCHOOL." "I'M SURE YOU'RE BUSY" "WITH YOUR HOMEWORK AND SO FORTH BUT I GOT SOME REALLY GOOD NEWS" "I WANNA TELL YOU." "YEAH, I'M GETTING MARRIED." "HER NAME'S APRIL." "WE'RE EXPECTING A BABY AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY BROTHER." "YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME." "SO ANYWAY, SHE WANTS TO MEET YOU." "IS THERE ANY CHANCE" "YOU COULD MAKE IT OVER FOR DINNER SOMETIME SOON?" "I..." "I'D HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT." "PLEASE DO." "IN FACT," "I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT." "HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON. 'KAY?" " 'KAY." " 'KAY, BYE." "WHAT HAPPENED?" "UH, UM..." "APPARENTLY, MY DAD'S GETTING MARRIED." "CONGRATULATIONS." "I GUESS." "WHERE'RE YOU GOING?" "AH..." "I'M GONNA GO HAVE DINNER WITH DAD." " WHY?" " UM..." "APPARENTLY, HE'S GETTING MARRIED." "GOOD FOR HIM." "HE WANTS ME TO GO MEET HIS FIANCE SO..." "HAVE FUN." "BE HOME AT A DECENT HOUR AND," "AND ALL THAT PARENTING SHIT." "BYE, MOM." "LOVE YOU." "[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]" "YOUR DAD TELLS ME YOU'RE QUITE POPULAR AT SCHOOL." "[LAUGHS]" "NO." "I'M ACTIVE, BUT I'M, I'M NOT POPULAR." "WELL, HE'S PART OF THE NEWSPAPER CLUB." "ACTUALLY, I'M PRESIDENT OF THE WRITERS' CLUB." "EDITOR OF THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER," "AND I RECENTLY JUST STARTED A LITERARY MAGAZINE." "CHECK YOU OUT." "YOU MUST GET REALLY GOOD GRADES." "YEAH, HE DOES PRETTY WELL." "I HAVE A 4.3." "I WOULD HAVE A 4.5," "BUT I TEND TO ARGUE WITH THE TEACHERS AND THEIR LESSON PLANS SO." "WELL, DO YOU PLAY SPORTS?" "[LAUGHS]" "I'M JUST..." "I MEAN..." "GOD KNOWS I TRIED." "WE'D ALWAYS GO DOWN" " TO THE PARK..." " DID WE?" "THROW THE BALL AROUND, BUT HE DIDN'T SHOW ANY INTEREST." "SO I QUICKLY REALIZED THAT I DIDN'T GET THAT MAJOR LEAGUER" "I WAS HOPING FOR." "HE KIND OF THREW LIKE A GIRL." " DAD, WE, WE NEVER DID THAT." " WELL, SURE WE DID." "YOU JUST DON'T REMEMBER." "I DON'T THINK YOU REMEMBER." "NO, I WOULD REMEMBER SOMETHING LIKE THAT." "HE'S ACTUALLY EXAGGERATING." "HE'S GOT A VERY SORT OF" "CREATIVE IMAGINATION." "I THINK THAT'S WHAT MAKES HIM" " SUCH A GOOD WRITER." " WHO ARE YOU PRETENDING TO BE?" "LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "YOU LEFT WHAT," "LIKE FIVE YEARS AGO WHEN I'VE SEEN YOU TWICE SINCE THEN?" "YOU'RE YOUNG, MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND." "YOU'RE RIGHT, I DON'T UNDERSTAND." "I DON'T UNDERSTAND" "HOW YOU COULD JUST ABANDON YOUR OLD FAMILY AND THEN ACT LIKE" "EVERYTHING IS OKAY IN FRONT OF THE NEW ONE." " CARSON, YOUR MOM'S UNSTABLE." " YEAH, I KNOW." " AND YOU LEFT ME WITH HER." " CARSON..." "YEAH, YOU KNOW, I CAN'T..." "THANK YOU, APRIL." "THANK YOU FOR DINNER." "IT WAS LOVELY MEETING YOU, BUT I HAVE TO GO." "CARSON, I CAN ONLY SAY SORRY A NUMBER OF TIMES, BUT..." "[SLAMS DOOR]" "WELL, HE'S HIS MOTHER'S SON." "[TV PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]" "[TV PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]" "[PRINCIPAL] I'VE CALLED YOU IN HERE TODAY TO ANNOUNCE" "A NEW DISTRICT RULE MYSELF" "AND THE REST OF THE PRINCIPAL BOARD FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT." "SO STARTING NEXT SEMESTER," "ALL BOOK COVERS, BACKPACKS AND CLOTHING" "DISPLAYING LOGOS AND WRITING ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN." "SO AS COUNCIL MEMBERS, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT" "THAT YOU HONOR THIS RULE AND PROVIDE LEADERSHIP" " BY FOLLOWING IT." " OKAY, AGREED," "I HATE SOME OF THE OBNOXIOUS AND DEGRADING THINGS" "THAT I READ EVERYDAY, AND IF I SEE ONE MORE PERSON" "WEARING ONE OF THOSE SHIRTS THAT SAYS, "I DO MY OWN STUNTS,"" "I'M GONNA PHYSICALLY RIP OFF MY FACE AND THROW IT AT THEM." "BUT I MEAN, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LEARN AND GROW" "WHEN YOU KEEP TAKING AWAY OUR BASIC FREEDOMS OF SELF EXPRESSION?" "TELL YOU WHAT, BUDDY," "WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET US WORRY ABOUT STUDENT SUPPRESSION?" " HOW'S THAT?" " YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT." "YOU PEOPLE MUST KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING SINCE" "MORE STUDENTS ARE MORE DEPRESSED, MORE STRESSED" "AND DROPPING OUT NOW MORE THAN EVER BEFORE" "SO YOU'RE DOING A REAL GREAT JOB WITH THE DECISIONS." " YOU'RE OUT OF LINE." " YOU'RE ON A POWER TRIP." "HOW DOES BANNING LOGOS DO ANYTHING EXCEPT HELP YOUR OWN" " CONSERVATIVE AGENDAS?" " THIS DISCUSSION IS OVER, OKAY?" "YOU WILL FOLLOW THE NEW RULES." "AND BECAUSE OF" "YOUR DISRESPECTFUL ATTITUDE," "I HEREBY REVOKE ALL STUDENT OFF-CAMPUS PRIVILEGES" "FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR." "YOUR PEERS CAN THANK YOU, LITTLE MAN." "LET'S GO, GUYS." "AAH!" "YOU CAN'T PUNISH THE WHOLE SCHOOL" "FOR ONE STUDENT'S BIG MOUTH!" "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ALL JUST SAT THERE!" "OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL PUTTING THE BLAME ON US." "THANKS TO YOU, WE HAVE TO HAVE PROM IN THE CAFETERIA." "WE'LL BE SPENDING A LOT OF TIME THERE SINCE WE CAN'T GO OFF CAMPUS TO EAT ANYMORE." "IF YOU WRITE AN APOLOGY LETTER, MAYBE THEY'D RECONSIDER." "HE SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO THE WHOLE SCHOOL." "HM-HMM, WHAT ABOUT NEXT WEEK AT ASSEMBLY?" "OH, CARSON, YOU ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE SO MUCH BETTER THAN US" "BECAUSE WE ALL COULDN'T STAND YOU," "BUT GET READY FOR PURE HATRED COMING YOUR WAY BECAUSE AS SOON AS" "THE REST OF THE SCHOOL FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS" "AND THEY TELL THEIR PARENTS, THE ENTIRE TOWN WILL ACTUALLY" " HATE YOU!" " ENOUGH, ALL RIGHT?" "!" "I DIDN'T JUST STAND UP FOR MYSELF IN THERE," "I WAS STANDING UP FOR ALL OF YOU!" "THE MINUTE YOU GUYS WALKED INTO THIS CAMPUS," "YOU WERE LABELED AS HIGH SCHOOL ROYALTY," "AND YOU'D RATHER MAINTAIN THAT LABEL THAN HEAVEN FORBID" "STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES!" "BUT HIGH SCHOOL ENDS, AND FOR YOUR SAKES," "I HOPE GUYS AREN'T THE WALKING CLICHES" "EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE!" "'CAUSE LIFE IS GONNA" "WALK ALL OVER YOU AND IT'S GONNA BITE YOU IN THE ASS!" "WE ARE NOT CLICHES." "I TRIED AVOIDING YOU AS LONG AS I COULD," "BUT THIS IS THE ONLY PHARMACY IN TOWN," "AND I'M STARTING TO GO THROUGH WITHDRAWAL." "SO I NEED MY REFILLS." "I FIGURED AS MUCH." "WOW." "I KNOW WHAT YOU MUST THINK OF ME." "PATHETIC DIVORCEE WHO TURNED HERSELF INTO THIS." "WELL, THIS ISN'T THE LIFE YOU WANT." "I GAVE HIM MY LIFE..." "ONLY TO BE TOSSED ASIDE" "WHEN HE DECIDED IT WASN'T ENOUGH." "THIS WAS NEVER A PART OF MY" "PICKET FENCE FANTASY." "YOU AND I AREN'T SO DIFFERENT." "I HAD A KID TO SAVE A MARRIAGE," "AND YOU'RE HAVING ONE TO ENSURE ONE." "SO YOU SHOULDN'T BE SO QUICK TO JUDGE." "ESPECIALLY YOU." "'CAUSE I WAS YOU..." "AND NOW I'M THIS." "SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T GET IT." "LIFE." "I MEAN, WHY DO SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK" "SO HARD FOR THINGS WE BELIEVE IN" "AND OTHERS DON'T?" "I MEAN, WHY DO SOME OF US CARE SO MUCH?" "I MEAN, WHY ARE SOME OF US SELFISH BY NATURE AND..." "SOME OF US ARE SELFISH TO SURVIVE?" "DEAR, I'M MAKING THIS FOR MY GRANDSON." "WH-WHAT IS IT?" " A SCARF BLANKET." " [LAUGHS]" "[CARSON] I WANTED TO BE HEARD SO BAD" "THAT I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT LISTENING." "BUT WHAT I REGRETTED THE MOST" "WAS THAT I LIVED EVERY DAY WAITING FOR MY LIFE TO BEGIN." "WHAT'S THIS?" "IT'S A MAGAZINE." "DICK." "THE HIGHER YOUR CLOUD, THE FURTHER YOUR RAIN FALLS." "IT'S FULL OF LITERARY STUFF." "THREE DOLLARS." "I SOON LEARNED THAT WHEN IT RAINS" "IT POURS." "ALL RIGHT." "I'M SORRY." "CAN YOU REPEAT THAT?" "THEY WON'T LET YOU REAPPLY." "YOU WERE ACCEPTED, BUT YOU NEVER CONFIRMED." "SO YOU WERE DENIED." "NO, IT MUST'VE GOTTEN LOST IN THE MAIL." "I..." "I CHECKED EVERY DAY." "PLEASE, YOU-YOU-- YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM THAT." "I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO ANYMORE FOR YOU." "BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS GO" " TO YOUR SECOND CHOICE SCHOOL." " THERE WAS NO SECOND CHOICE." "OH." "WELL, YOU CAN APPLY AGAIN IN TWO YEARS" "AFTER YOU COMPLETE YOUR GE REQUIREMENTS." "CLOVER COMMUNITY COLLEGE IS STILL ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS." "WOULD YOU LIKE TO FILL OUT AN APPLICATION?" "CARSON..." "WOULD YOU LIKE TO FILL OUT AN APPLICATION?" "YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER SEEN THE OCEAN." "[ANSWERING MACHINE] HI, YOU'VE REACHED CARSON." "LEAVE A MESSAGE, MOM." "[SHERYL] UH, CARSON, GRANDMA FELL, AND YOU GOTTA GET..." "GET OVER HERE AS SOON AS YOU CAN." "[TV] YOU CAN EXPECT SOME LIGHT SHOWERS" "AND A POSSIBLE THUNDERSTORM BY THE END OF THE WEEK." "YOU CAN EXPECT CLEAR SKIES AFTERWARDS THOUGH UNTIL NEXT TUESDAY." "WHERE WERE YOU?" "FINE, DON'T TELL ME." "BUT IF YOU WERE AT YOUR FATHER'S, I'D BE FINE WITH IT." " HOW IS SHE?" " SHE'S FINE." "BRUISED HER HIP BUT NOTHING'S BROKEN." "I'M GONNA GET SOME COFFEE, DO YOU WANT SOMETHING?" "NO." " WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?" " YOU FELL AND HURT YOURSELF." " YOU REMIND ME OF MY GRANDSON." " I DO?" " WHY IS THAT?" " YOU'RE SAD LOOKING." "WHAT'S GOING ON?" "THEY'RE GIVING HER A BATH." "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?" "I GOT INTO NORTHWESTERN" "BUT I NEVER GOT A LETTER." "SO..." "I HAVE TO WAIT TWO YEARS TO REAPPLY." "I THREW YOUR LETTER AWAY." " WHAT?" "!" " I'M SORRY." "HOW COULD YOU THROW MY LETTER AWAY?" "!" " I WANTED TO PROTECT YOU." " PROTECT ME?" "!" "I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT LIKE I DID." "ALL YOUR TALK ABOUT GROWING UP AND BECOMING A WRITER AND ALL..." "ALL THESE DELUSIONS YOU HAVE WON'T HAPPEN." "DREAMS DON'T COME TRUE, CARSON." "TAKE IF FROM ME, I AM LIVING PROOF." "THE WORLD IS A VERY CRUEL PLACE." "YOU WOULD'VE LEFT," "BEEN EATEN ALIVE, COME BACK UTTERLY DESTROYED," "AND I DIDN'T WANT THAT." "I WANTED BETTER FOR YOU." "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS." "THIS IS SO UNFAIR." "LIFE IS UNFAIR, YOU KNOW, IT IS." "AND THE SOONER YOU REALIZE THAT, THE FASTER YOU GROW UP." "AND THE FASTER YOU GROW UP, THE SOONER YOU'LL SEE" "THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS." "YOU KNOW, THANK YOU." "THANK YOU FOR BEING THE PERFECT EXAMPLE" "OF SOMETHING THAT I REFUSE TO BECOME!" "♪ BAD DAY YOU'RE LOOKING FAR AWAY ♪" "♪ OH, LOOKING FOR THE GREAT ESCAPE ♪" "♪ GETS IN HIS CAR" "♪ AND DRIVES AWAY" "♪ FAR FROM ALL THE THINGS ♪" "♪ THAT WE ARE" "♪ FORCE A SMILE... ♪ FORCE A SMILE... ♪ FORCE A SMILE..." "[CELL PHONE RINGING]" "[SHERYL] CARSON, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU." "I NEED TO APOLOGIZE." "I NEED TO APOLOGIZE." "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH ALL OF THESE?" "I'M DONATING THEM TO MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOME." "THEY'RE SENDING SOMEONE" "AFTER SCHOOL TO COME AND PICK 'EM UP AND PASS 'EM OUT." "AT LEAST THEY'LL BE READ." "OR CHEWED." "I'M SO SORRY THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT" "THE WAY THAT YOU WANTED THEM TO." "ME, TOO." "LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE SEEING YOU AROUND CLOVER COMMUNITY COLLEGE." "MAYBE WE'LL BE ADVENTUROUS" "AND START A LITERARY MAGAZINE THERE." "MALERIE, WHY DO YOU FILM EVERYTHING?" "I MEAN, I'M SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER..." "EVERYTHING." "WHAT ISN'T WORTH REMEMBERING?" "WITH GOOD MEMORIES COME BAD MEMORIES," "AND I'VE GOT A LOT OF BOTH." "AT LEAST THIS WAY I CAN FAST FORWARD THROUGH ALL THE BAD STUFF." "A COUNSELOR ONCE TOLD ME" "THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE STUCK IN THE PAST" "OR IF YOU TRY TO FORGET THE PAST." "WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO IN THE PRESENT." "THAT'S WHY I JUST TRY TO SOAK IT UP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE." "I THINK YOU JUST FOUND SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT." " [PERIOD BELL RINGS]" " I GOTTA GO." "IF I'M LATE FOR THE BUS," "THE DRIVER SAID HE'D MAKE ME RIDE IN THE TRUNK." "IT IS NOT FUN." "CARSON." "ARE WE..." "FRIENDS?" "I THINK WE'RE BEST FRIENDS, MALERIE." "COOL." "COOL." "COOL." "[GRANDMA] HE USED TO BE SUCH A HAPPY BOY." "HE USED TO WRITE ME STORIES." "I REMEMBER THE FIRST STORY" "HE EVER WROTE ME." ""ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A BOY."" "[LAUGHS]" "THEN IT BECAME," ""ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A BOY" "WHO WANTED TO FLY."" "AND IT JUST GOT BETTER AND BETTER OVER TIME." "NOW I NEVER DID FIND OUT WHETHER THE BOY GOT TO FLY." "[CARSON] AND THEN IT SUDDENLY CAME TO ME." "I HAD ONE MORE STORY TO ADD." "I HAD BEEN SO BUSY DWELLING IN MY OWN SELF-PITY" "I HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT I ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED." "I SUCCESSFULLY PUBLISHED A LITERARY MAGAZINE" "FILLED WITH THE THOUGHTS," "CONCERNS, HOPES AND IMAGINATIONS" "OF MY JADED HIGH SCHOOL PEERS." "FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE," "I WAS TRULY HAPPY." "[THUNDERCLAP]" "[SHERYL] CARSON, WHERE ARE YOU?" "SCHOOL ENDED THREE HOURS AGO." "WHAT ARE YOU, AT YOUR FATHER'S?" "ARE YOU TWO LIKE BEST FRIENDS NOW OR SOMETHING?" "JUST CALL ME BACK." "[CARSON] I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S MORE PATHETIC," "THE FACT THAT I WAS ACTUALLY STRUCK BY LIGHTNING" "OR THAT IT TOOK THREE DAYS FOR ANYONE TO FIND MY BODY." "WHOA." "IT'S CARSON PHILLIPS, HE'S DEAD." "[DOORBELL RINGS]" "WHAT?" "!" "ARE YOU SHERYL PHILLIPS?" "[ANSWERING MACHINE] HI, YOU'VE REACHED CARSON." "LEAVE A MESSAGE, MOM." " CARSON?" " [BEEP]" "I NEED YOU TO COME HOME RIGHT NOW!" "THIS ISN'T FUNNY." "HI, YOU'VE REACHED CARSON." "LEAVE A MESSAGE, MOM." "AHH!" "CARSON!" "THERE ARE COPS OUTSIDE THAT SAY YOU'RE DEAD!" "I NEED YOU TO CO..." "I NEED YOU TO COME HOME!" "I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!" "I NEED YOU TO COME HOME RIGHT NOW!" "HI, YOU'VE REACHED CARSON." "LEAVE A MESSAGE, MOM." "[MACHINE BEEPS]" "PLEASE ANSWER YOUR PHONE." "ANSWER YOUR PHONE." "I NEED TO KNOW YOU'RE OKAY." "[SOBBING]" "I NEED TO KNOW YOU'RE OKAY." "HI, YOU'VE REACHED CARSON." "LEAVE A MESSAGE, MOM." "[BEEP]" "HI, YOU'VE REACHED CARSON." "LEAVE A MESSAGE, MOM." "[BEEP]" "[REPORTER] A FEW DAYS AGO RIGHT HERE WHERE I'M STANDING," "CLOVER HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR CARSON PHILLIPS LOST HIS LIFE" "WHEN HE WAS STRUCK MY LIGHTNING." "A SERVICE WILL BE HELD THIS SUNDAY" "AT CLOVER COMMUNITY CHAPEL." "HE WILL BE MISSED." "[CARSON] IT'S AMAZING HOW POPULAR YOU BECOME ONCE YOU DIE." "I THINK I SPEAK FOR THE ENTIRE FACULTY" "WHEN I SAY..." "YOUR SON WAS AN ABSOLUTE JOY." "[CARSON] OH, KISS MY EMBALMED ASS." "DEATH CHANGES THINGS I GUESS," "BUT EVEN DEATH COULDN'T SUIT" "SOME OF THE IMPRESSIONS I LEFT." "ABSOLUTELY NOT." "YOUR BOOK CLUB WILL NOT SPARE A PAGE TO REMIND PEOPLE" "THAT CARSON PHILLIPS WAS ZAPPED IN THE PARKING LOT." "SIR, THOSE PAGES ARE RESERVED FOR PROM." " I'M JUST SAYING ONE PAGE." " PLANT A TREE." "HOW DO I BEGIN TO DESCRIBE CARSON PHILLIPS?" "[CARSON] I NEVER GRADUATED, I NEVER WENT TO NORTHWESTERN," "I NEVER WROTE FOR "THE NEW YORKER,"" "I NEVER WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE," "I NEVER CHANGED THE WORLD." "I NEVER GOT OUT OF CLOVER." " [CARSON] IT'S A LOT LIKE..." " [MALERIE] LIGHTNING." "[CARSON] YEAH, EXACTLY." "THESE WERE JUST DELUSIONS THAT OCCUPIED MY TIME." "AND THANK GOD THEY DID." "[CLAIRE] OKAY, SO WE ALL AGREE," "LEOPARD PRINT WILL BE OUR THEME FOR OUR SAFARI PROM." "AND OF COURSE IT WILL ALL BE FAUX FUR." "[CARSON] BECAUSE A LIFE WITHOUT MEANING, WITHOUT DRIVE," " WITHOUT FOCUS..." " ON SECOND THOUGHT," "THE SAFARI PROM IDEA KINDA SUCKS." "LET'S COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER." "[CARSON] WITHOUT GOALS OR DREAMS..." "ISN'T A LIFE WORTH LIVING." ""TO GRANDMA," ""ONCE UPON A TIME" "THERE WAS A BOY WHO FLEW."" "[CARSON] LIFE COMES AT YOU FAST," "IT RUNS THROUGH YOUR BODY AND TRIES TO ESCAPE" "AND BE EXPRESSED IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE." "IN A WAY, IT'S A LOT LIKE..." "LIGHTNING." "♪" "♪ I'VE BEEN ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪" "♪ I FELT THE SEASONS" "♪ I'VE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES OF THE OCEAN ♪" "♪ I'VE BEEN IN-BETWEEN THEM" "♪ SO I THINK I KNOW LOVE" "♪ WHEN I FEEL IT" "♪ IT'S EVERYTHING YOU WANNA BE ♪" "♪ WELL, JUST BE IT" "♪ NOW DON'T GET ME MOANING" "♪ IT'S ALREADY OUTTA CONTROL" "♪ AND IT'S SHOCKING, SHOCKING ♪" "♪ IT'S SOMEONE KNOWN TO ME" "♪ YEAH" "♪ SO I THINK I KNOW LOVE" "♪ WHEN I FEEL LOVE" "♪ YEAH, I THINK I KNOW LOVE ♪" "♪ WHEN I FEEL LOVE" "♪ IT'S EVERYTHING YOU WANNA BE ♪" "♪ WHOA, OH, OH" "♪ OH" "♪ OH" "♪ OH" "♪ I'VE BEEN ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪" "♪ I FEEL THE SEASONS" "♪ I'VE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES OF THE OCEAN ♪" "♪ AND I'VE BEEN IN-BETWEEN THEM ♪" "♪ SO I THINK I KNOW LOVE" "♪ WHEN I FEEL IT" "♪ YEAH, IT'S EVERYTHING YOU WANNA ♪" "♪ EVERYTHING YOU WANNA BE" "♪ SO JUST BE IT" "♪ EVERYTHING" "♪ EVERYTHING YOU WANNA BE" "♪ EVERYTHING YOU WANNA BE" "[SONG ENDS]"