"Previously on "Sports Night"..." "I have a younger brother named Sam." "Sam's a genius." "I mean literally." "He's energetic and articulate, curious and f unny, and ther e's no doubt that he'd be living a gr eat lif e right now, ex cept f or that he's dead." "Abby Jacobs." "And this is my card." "You should call me, Dan." "She gave me this." "" " Her card." "" " The digits." "So she's a shrink." "So why doesn't your f ather like you?" "What?" "I remember him being pretty shy." "Your brother?" "Sam." "I have an older brother, too, named David." "But Sam's the one who was killed." "Yeah." "" " And what about the caf eteria?" "" " What?" "You wer e talking about the caf eteria and about how, after Sam, you got nervous with people." "Yeah." "What wer e you saying about the caf eteria?" "Just that I would walk up to a table...in the caf eteria, and these would be people I liked, and I'd be good f or two or thr ee minutes bef or e I'd have to leave." "My f riends called me hit-and-run Danny." "What would happen after you left the table?" "" " After I left?" "" " Yeah." "Nothing." "" " Nothing?" "" " Yeah." "You sur e?" "Sometimes I'd go to another table." "I noticed you do that on the telephone, too." "I'm not that good on the phone." "You'r e not that good on the phone, you'r e not that good at the table." "Wher e ar e you good?" "I'm good on television." "I'll say." "" " Did you watch the show tonight?" "" " Yeah." "" " Did you like it?" "" " Yes." "" " I've won awards, you know." "" " Yeah?" "Yeah " " Well, no, I mean, but I've been nominated f or them." "I'm sur e you'll win one." "" " So you liked it?" "" " Yes." "Yet you'r e not saying that you liked it." "I just did." "Not r eally." "In f act, I've said it thr ee times." "You look gr eat tonight." "Thank you." "" " You'r e beautif ul and charming." "" " Thank you." "" " Now, you see how I said that without being solicited?" "" " Yes." "Want another drink?" "How ar e you being hit-and-run Danny right now?" "Jer emy, did I mention my "Close-Up" interview tomorrow?" "Several times." "Mr. Shane McArnold, Jer emy." "Mr. Shane McArnold." "He's a twit." "Hey, ex cuse me, you wer en't just talking about Mr. Shane McArnold, wer e you?" "Yes." "How about a lif etime .303 batting average?" "How about 348 home runs?" "How 'bout back-to-back 30/30 seasons?" "How about the f act that he's a twit?" "He happens to be a f riend of mine." "He also happens to be a...twit." "" " I'm not talking to you right now." "" " You wer e looking at me." "That's because I was talking to you bef or e, but now, right now, I'm shifting my f ocus to Natalie." "" " Okay." "" " Natalie..." "" " Did anybody see this?" "" " Tomorrow's "Close-Up" interview?" "" " Did anybody see this..." "in the paper?" "" " What?" "" " What?" "" " The Vatican says ther e's no such place as Hell." "" " Really?" ""Hell is not a place but a state."" "" " Ther e's no Hell?" "" " No Hell." "Well, that's a load off my mind." "I shouldn't be her e with you people." "So this is a date?" "This is a drink." "I'll take it." "" " What would happen when you left the table?" "" " What do you mean?" "After two or thr ee minutes, what would happen after you left the table?" "Nothing." "Wouldn't you shake sometimes?" "Sometimes." "" " And you'd start to sweat?" "" " I thought this wasn't a therapy session." "And sometimes, Danny, wouldn't you have to go someplace and throw up?" "Yeah." "And ther e's no r eason to talk in the past tense, right?" "I mean, it still happens today." "Yeah." "And r ecently, it's been worse, right?" "How do you know all this?" "Danny, you have to get hip to the f act" "I didn't get my license in the Virgin Islands." "" " Thanks f or the drinks." "" " You'r e leaving?" "I have an early day tomorrow." "Can I take you home?" "I'll get a cab out f ront." "I'm just gonna grab my coat." "Casey:" "Remember, this isn't live, it's on tape, so if you have a coughing attack or you need to use the r estroom " "It's good to see you, Casey." "It's gr eat to see you, Shane." "You know, now that I'm in town, we should hook up." "Yeah, absolutely." "That's amazing." "That's what I was " "Hey, Jer emy, Shane McArnold just asked me out." "He's a twit." "Ah, he says he's your number-one f an." "" " Thanks." "" " You bet." "Let's do it." "" " Her e we go." "Dave:" "Roll tape." "" " Rolling." "" " Speeding." "Sound speed." "This is Shane McArnold interview f or "CSC Close-Up," 11/17 /99." "Shane, after 11 years with the Kansas City Royals, you opted f or f r ee agency and signed with the New York Yankees." "Let me be the first to say welcome to town." "How do you f eel?" "Whoa, tough one f rom Casey." "" " Why is everyone just accepting this?" "" " Accepting what?" "Ther e's no such place as Hell?" "" " When did that happen?" "" " Yesterday in the paper." "" " Ther e's no such place as Hell?" "" " No such place." "Cool." "Hell, they now say, is a state of being and not the fiery pit of torment depicted in books and paintings, to say nothing of the sisters who used to beat me at our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow Elementary School." "They beat you?" "" " Well, they yelled at me a lot." "" " Why?" "So I wouldn't go to Hell, Jer emy!" "It doesn't sound like you wer e taught by the world's happiest nuns." "" " This is huge." "" " I guess the "Perpetual Sorrow" should have been a giveaway." "" " You guys listening to this?" "" " Listening to what?" "Um, the interview you'r e producing." "" " Ha!" "Good one, Dana." "" " You didn't hear what he just said?" "I'm producing this segment." "My contract doesn't say anything about my having to pay attention to it." "He just said he doesn't like New York." "Give me more volume." "I'm glad to be playing f or a contender -- 10 fingers, no rings, you know what I'm saying?" "This city is a pigsty -- the garbage, the noise, the traffic, the muggings " "Ask him if he's seen "The Lion King" yet." "This is too much." "Casey, throw him a rope." "Don't throw him a rope, Casey." "And you guys speak, like, what, 14 diff er ent languages or something?" "But still, you gotta be ex cited about playing at the stadium, huh?" "[ Exhales sharply ] He thr ew him a rope." "Not r eally." "He's wrapping it around his neck." "I am in such a good mood right now." "Shane McArnold, newest member of the New York Yankees." "Thanks f or talking to us today." "I'm Casey McCall f or "Close-Up" on CSC." "And cut." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "" " Hey, I thought that was pr etty good." "" " Yeah." "You didn't like it?" "" " Well, no, l-I thought it was gr eat." "" " But what?" "Well, I'm just not sur e that the, uh, first thing I'd do after coming to a new town is to insult everyone." "Who did I insult?" "Um...well, everyone." "" " I didn't insult everyone." "" " You kind of did." "" " You mean everyone in New York?" "" " Yeah." "" " Well..." "" " We got a bit of a population her e." "Hey, I hear New Yorkers say that stuff all the time." "[ Sighs ] You ever heard the expr ession "Nobody hits my little brother but me"?" "" " No." "" " Okay, well, it's -- it's an expr ession." "" " What does it mean?" "" " It doesn't matter." "I'll fix it." "" " Yeah?" "" " I'll edit the tape." "" " You'd do that f or me?" "" " No problem." "You'r e the best, Casey." "" " I don't know if I'd say that." "I'd say I'm among the best." "" " Whatever, man." "We'r e gonna hook up tonight?" "" " Yeah, I'll call you." "" " We'll hook up?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, we ar e gonna throw down." "" " You'll edit the tape?" "" " Yeah, I'll just see Dana." "" " Dude." "" " Dude." "Later." " [ Snaps fingers ] At you." " [ Chuckles ]" "[ Sighs ]" "I gotta go see Dana." "'I used to think maybe you love me ' 'now, baby, I'm sure ' ...the garbage, the noise..." " 'And I just can't wait till the day ' " " Hey." " 'when you knock on my door ' " " What's up?" "!" "" " How you doin'?" "" " I'm giddy as a schoolgirl, Casey." "I'm a cat with kittens." " 'Now every time I go for ' " " Pr etty happy with the interview?" " 'the mailbox ' " " This is f ound gold, my f riend," " 'gotta hold myself down ' -- and who's got it besides us?" "Hmm...nobody!" " "Cause I just can't wait till you write me ' " " And your, uh, little dance?" " 'You're comin' around ' " " My dance of joy." "" " Ah." "[ Laughs ] Let's watch it again." "Say, I was thinking -- how would you f eel" " 'I'm walkin' on sunshine ' -- about my editing out the part wher e he doesn't like New York?" "'Whoa ' 'I'm walkin' on sunshine '" "'Whoa ' " " You've, uh, stopped your dance of joy." " 'I'm walkin' on sunshine ' " " Is the tape damaged?" "" " No." " 'Whoa ' " " Is your brain on fir e?" "" " No." " 'And don't it feel good?" "' " " Then what the hell ar e you talking about?" "" " I know the guy." " 'Hey!" "All right, now ' " " No." "Nope." "" " We go back." " 'And don't it feel good?" "' " " He scr ewed up." "" " Nope." " 'Hey!" "Yeah ' " " We'r e throwing down tonight." "No." " 'I used to think maybe you love me ' " " Dana..." "" " You see what I'm doing now?" " 'now I know that it's true ' " " Your, uh, dance of joy." "" " My dance of joy." "Okey-doke." "'And I don't want to spend my whole life ' 'just a-waitin' for you '" "'Now, don't want... '" "" " You r eady?" "" " Yeah. [ Clears throat ]" "This is teaser r ecord f or VTR playback, 11/17 /99." "In 3...2..." "Tonight on "Sports Night," we'll check out Herman Moor e and the Lions' new-look off ense and Rob Blake and the Kings' old-school def ense." "We'll go back to the f utur e at Florida State and touch down in Monte Carlo, as Yegevny Kaf elnikov -- " " Cut." "" " What?" "" " You said, "Yegevny." " " I did?" "" " It's Yevgeny." "" " I know." "" " You said "Yegevny." " " Let's do it again." "" " You inverted two syllables." "" " Roll tape." "In 3...2..." "Tonight on "Sports Night," we'll check out Herman Moor e and the Lions' new-look off ense and Rob Blake and the Kings' old-school def ense." "We'll go back to the f utur e at Florida State and touch down in Monte Carlo as Yegevny Kaf elnikov -- " " I did it again." "" " Yes." "I said "Yegevny" instead of Yevgeny." "" " We could change the tease." "" " What do you mean?" "" " Make it about Pete Sampras." "" " I can do this." "" " Rafter's an easy name to pronounce." "" " Roll tape." "Danny..." "" " I'm just in the middle -- " " One second." "I'm in a spot of trouble." "Me too." "McArnold committed a bit of a Big Apple f aux pas, and Dana won't let me cut it." "I'm undergoing some kind of nervous collapse." "All right, so we'r e probably on our own today." "" " Yeah." "" " See ya." "This is "Sports Night" teaser r ecord f or VTR playback, 11/17 /99." "Let's call it Take 5." "Let's "call it" Take 5?" "" " Why not?" "" " What take is it really?" "We'r e up in the 30s now." "Roll tape." "In 3...2..." "Tonight on "Sports Night," we'll check out Herman Moor e and the Lions' new-look off ense and Rob Blake and the Kings' old-school def ense." "We'll go back to the f utur e at Florida State and touch down in Monte Carlo as Yevgeny Kaf elnikov goes f or the gold." "Stay tuned f or "Sports Night," next." "" " Okay." "" " I did it!" "" " Yes!" "" " Did it, baby!" "Yes!" "Let's roll tape now." "What?" "Let's do it again, only this time, let's r ecord it." "We wer en't r ecording it?" "No." "" " I thought we wer e rolling." "" " We weren't." "" " I saw you hit the button." "" " Grazed it with my fingers." "Why wer en't we r ecording it?" "" " Isaac doesn't like to waste tape." "" " Jer emy!" "Come on, come on, dry run, dry run." "Her e we go." "" " You'r e rolling?" "" " Yes." "" " Really?" "" " Yes." "Tonight on "Sports Night, "" "we'll check out Herman Moor e and the Lions' new-look off ense and Rob Blake and the Kings' old-school def ense." "We'll go back to the f utur e at Florida State and touch down in Monte Carlo as " "" " I'm outta her e." "" " Wher e ar e you going?" "I've got to go see someone." "Bubba Smith and Chipper Jones would work fine in the teaser." "[ Door closes ]" "Yevgeny Kaf elnikov -- I did it." "No problem." "I'm talking to myself f or no particular r eason." "[ Smacks lips ]" "Isaac?" "Yeah?" "" " How you doin'?" "" " Good." "I've got a problem." " lmagine my surprise." "" " Right." "Shane McArnold, some years ago, he gave me an interview when I needed a br eak." "Ar e you with me?" "Yeah, but so f ar, I'm not at all inter ested." "" " He was my "Close-Up" interview this morning." "" " How'd he do?" "Very, very well." "We got lots of f ootage, f eet and f eet of f ootage." "" " Ther e's just this little spot wher e he says..." "" " Yes?" "I mean, it's possible to interpr et his r emarks as " "He implies he doesn't like New York." "" " How?" "" " By saying he doesn't like New York." "Wow." "Yeah." "" " He's scr ewed." "" " Yes." "Wow. [ Laughs ]" "How do you f eel about my editing out that section?" "Well, I guess, since it's news and it's good television," "I wouldn't f eel very good about it." "" " How do you think Dana would f eel about it?" "" " Dana?" "Yeah." "Well, who knows with Dana?" "One day she's up, another day she's down." "That girl's nuttier than a squirr el's cheeks in October." "The point is " "She's standing right behind me, right?" "I cannot believe you." "You went over my head?" "" " I can explain this." "" " How?" "" " I went over your head." "" " Casey!" "Hey, I'm just trying to be courteous, okay?" "I didn't want to interrupt your dancing." "And you just sat ther e?" "!" "It's my desk." "Outside!" "" " Right." "" " Good talking to you, Case." "Listen, does the f act that I -- " " He's an old f riend." "" " Move it." "He gave me my first br eak." "Okay, I can see you'r e upset because I went over your head." "Well, you never know with me, do you, Casey?" "One day I'm up, one day I'm down." "Hey, listen, first of all, sorry about that." "Second of all, he's a good guy." "He gave me my start, and I owe him one." "This is personal." "You can understand that." "Let me tell you something -- I think it's r eally sweet that you'r e that loyal to someone." "It says a lot about you, and it's almost hard to choke back the tears while I say...no!" "Dana " "Ex cuse me, everyone, I'd like to announce that Casey's adolescent and pathetic hero worship of prof essional athletes has r eached the point wher e he's willing to compromise journalistic integrity." "Oh, please." "Journalistic integrity?" "Like we'r e Edward R. Murrow." "He just signed a $91 -million contract, Casey." "Something tells me he's gonna get over it." "Yeah, he makes a lot mor e money than we do, so let's look f or every possible opportunity to blow him out of the water." "" " Was he awar e a camera was pointed at him?" "" " Yes." "" " Was he awar e that we wer e r ecording sound?" "" " Yes." "" " Was he awar e that we intended this f or public broadcast?" "" " Yes!" "" " Tell me how I'm blowing him out of the water." "" " It's just not necessary." "Neither is sports, and please don't go to Isaac behind my back." "That just makes me get..." "[Grunts] like this." "Fine." "Go get r eady." "[ Sighs ]" "" " Hi." "" " Danny." "" " I'm sorry to interrupt." "" " I'm in the middle of a session." "" " I'm having a problem." "" " So is my patient, Danny, so I'll talk to you later." "" " How you doin'?" "" " Okay." "" " I'm Dan Rydell." "" " From "Sports Night. "" "" " You watch the show?" "" " I love the show." "" " You hear that?" "" " Danny." "Say, listen, l-I'm sorry, but you wer en't in the middle of a br eakthrough or anything, wer e you?" "" " Hey!" "" " Why?" "You need a minute?" "You'r e the best." "I'm having a problem." "That was so totally, unbelievably, off-the-charts out of line -- " " Yeah, yeah, listen -- this is an emergency." "" " What?" "What's wrong?" "I can't say Yevgeny Kaf elnikov." "What?" "He's a Russian tennis player." "I'm r ecording the tease, and l-I can't pronounce his name." "I invert two of the syllables." "One of the times, I got it right, but Jer emy wasn't rolling the tape." "" " I'm calling the police." "" " Abby, I'm serious " "You interrupted my session because you can't pronounce Yevgeny Kaf elnikov?" "" " I need to know why." "" " How the hell should I know?" "Enough of this alr eady." "Just fix me, would you?" "" " Fix you?" "" " Please?" "Okay." "Pfft!" "All done." "Okay, I don't think you did anything just then." "Danny, of all the psychological problems you have -- and they ar e myriad -- not being able to pronounce Yevgeny Kaf elnikov" " isn't one of them." "" " Then why can't I pronounce it?" "'Cause it's a hard name to pronounce." "Abby, I'm " "This is very unf air to my patient." "Look, something is going on with me, and I know you can fix it, and, f rankly -- and I'm sorry if this is abrupt -- but I think the only r eason you'r e stringing me around like this is that you'r e af raid if I get over this," "I won't have a r eason to see you." "Danny...you'r e in pain, and it doesn't take a genius to see that." "" " I'm perf ectly fine." "" " True or f alse -- the only time you'r e r eally comf ortable with people is when you'r e talking to them on television." "" " That is untrue." "" " True or f alse -- you'r e convinced you'r e r esponsible" " f or the death of your brother." "" " Look, I don't need you " "True or f alse -- you'r e convinced your par ents blame you as well." "This is starting to get a little personal, Abby." "Fine." "Go back to work." "[ Sighs ]" "Why is this happening now?" "I don't know." "You do know." "I honestly don't." "Y-You saw a pictur e, you missed a birthday, you heard a song -- who knows?" "Maybe it's just enough is enough, and it's time f or your mind to deal with it." "Whatever the r eason, it's her e." "Now, does this r eally sound like something I could just fix with a pr escription?" "So what do I do?" "You get therapy -- f or r eal." "With you?" "Yeah, if you like." "" " Really?" "" " Yeah." "I just call up and make an appointment?" "That's right." "" " The thing is," "" " Yeah?" " ther e, uh, may be a problem ther e." "You have a crush on me." "" " Yeah." "" " That's natural." "I guess 'cause you'r e the healer, and you'r e also playing the role of the conf essor as well." "" " I meant 'cause I'm a babe." "" " That, too." "" " Danny..." "" " Yeah?" "...you'r e gonna be fine." "It doesn't f eel that way." "I know." "Have a good show." "[ Door opens ]" "[ Sighs ] Thanks." "Thanks a lot." "I appr eciate it." "I love watching you on television." "Thanks." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "" " You see this spoon?" "" " Yeah." "" " I'm stealing it." "" " Okay." "Why?" "" " No, no, Jer emy, I think the better question is "why not?" " " Okay." "" " Will I be punished f or it?" "" " I doubt it." "" " Me too." "" " When did people start eating a lot of hummus?" "Let's say I was punished f or it." "Let's say I was taken down to the station house f or stealing this spoon," " and as a r esult of that, I lost my job." "" " Yes." "I wouldn't have any money." "You'd get another job." "With my rap sheet?" "I don't think so." "You stole a spoon." "Today it's a spoon, tomorrow it's a bank." "" " You'r e gonna steal a bank?" "" " I'm gonna rob a bank." "She's actually not gonna rob a bank." "This is just sort of a hypothetical flight of f ancy." "Resume your late-night socializing." "" " Jer emy -- " " Natalie, f ear of punishment has never been what's kept you f rom committing a crime." "The r eason you haven't robbed a bank is that you know it's wrong." "The r eason you'r e not gonna steal that spoon is because you know it's wrong." "So Hell isn't a Hieronymus Bosch painting." "What do you car e?" "You wer en't going ther e anyway." "Okay." "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "Shane." "You suck, man, you know that?" "" " Listen -- " " I mean, is that f un f or you, messing with me like that?" "You having a good time?" "Hey, man, I didn't mess with you." "" " You said that you'd fix it." "" " I know." "I should never have made that promise." "Truth is, I don't have that kind of authority on the show, and I pr etended like I did." "" " Let me buy you a beer." "" " Buy me a beer?" "This guy wants to buy me a beer." "I should kick your ass." "Kick his ass, Casey." "Ex cuse me." "You'r e not making this any easier." "Oh, like that's what I was trying to do." "Shane..." "You just stay out of my f ace, and you stay out of my locker room." "We'r e outta her e." "Shane you'r e gonna wear Yankee pinstripes." "You'r e gonna roam the same piece of ground as Gehrig and DiMaggio and Mantle." "Your salary's gonna be paid by people who work hard and like baseball." "If you can't get ex cited about that," "I think the very least you can do is to f ake it." "" " Dan!" "" " Hey." "Danny." "What's goin' on?" "Just takin' car e of business." "Wher e you been?" "I was at the office." "Why?" "I, uh..." "I don't know." "You want to find someplace and talk about it?" "Hey, do you think it would be okay if I, um... just sat down... and...and just sat down f or a while?" "Of course it's okay." "What's goin' on?" "I mean, ther e may be periods of time in the conversation when I don't say anything f unny." "Ther e may be long periods when I don't say " "Danny." "I'm fine." "I know." "And I'm right her e." "I know." "Okay?" "Come on." "Let's eat." "On the next "Sports Night"..." "" " I'm in therapy." "" " You need mor e." "Is it important to you that you get every attractive woman you meet to like you?" "It's important that I get the unattractive ones to like me, too." "I blew the thing last night, all right?" "Enough is enough." "He's your r esponsibility, Jer emy." "Do what you want." "He scr ews up again, it's my r esponsibility." "Seven starters f rom one team ar e about to get suspended f rom f ootball f or the r est of the season, including the playoff s." "Ar e those the names?"