"Why were you rolling around in Cyprion cactus?" " You know Rebecca Smith?" " The new tactical officer?" "We took a walk, we sat down, we got comfortable, things got romantic and then I rolled over." "Blurred vision, dizziness." "Palpitations." "A stinging sensation in the lower spine." "It's Terellian Death Syndrome, isn't it?" "We agreed you'd come to me before checking the medical database." "Well, this time I'm glad I did." "Maybe we can stop the cellular decay before it's too late." "Reg, you don't have Terellian Death Syndrome." " You're sure?" " I'm sure." "Then maybe it is Symbalene Blood Burn." "No." "I don't see anything wrong at all." "Wait a minute." "There is a slight imbalance in your K-3 cell count." "My K-3s?" "No!" "Barclay, I'm sure it's nothing." "I'll run a microcellular scan." "We'll see." "This'll take a couple of minutes." " How's my smallest patient doing?" " She is doing well." "Her appetite has increased by seven percent." "She's engaging in prenatal behaviour." "She is getting close." "You'll have a fresh litter of kittens this week." "Let me run an amniotic scan to make sure everything's fine." "Doctor..." " My capillaries are shrinking." " Excuse me." "Alyssa, take care of Spot." " Start a preliminary amniotic scan." " Yes, Doctor." "My intravascular pressure is going through the roof." "It is elevated." "You've also got heightened electrophoretic activity." "Electrophoretic activity?" "Is it serious?" "Well, based on this, I'd say you've got 70, maybe 80 years." "80 years?" "Yes, Reg." "What you've got is a mild case of Urodelean flu." "It's nothing serious." "Most humans have an immunity to it." "But the T-cell in your DNA that would normally fight it is dormant." "So, I have bad genes?" "You have one dormant gene out of 100,000." "I can activate that gene with a synthetic T-cell to let the body fight the infection naturally." "You should feel better in a few days." " Thank you." "I feel much better." " Good." "Now, stay away from the medical database." "And you stay out of the arboretum." "Everything looks fine." "Do you want to know the sex of the kittens?" "Many humans prefer not to know in order to experience the surprise during birth." "I believe I will preserve the mystery." "I know what you mean." "I don't want to know either." "Alyssa?" "Spot's not the only one who's going to be a mother." "Alyssa, that's wonderful." "How did Andrew take the news?" "He was a little shocked." "But he's getting over it." "I have spent nine weeks an expectant parent." "I could share my insights with your husband." "If my experience is any indication, he will need all the help he can get." "**Captain's log, stardate 47653.2." "We're performing tests of our new tactical systems and weapon upgrades." "Mr Worf is supervising the exercises." "The next test will involve the photon torpedoes." "The explosive yield has been increased by 11 percent." "I have enhanced the targeting system for increased accuracy." "Sounds fascinating." "Please proceed." "Setting targeting coordinates." "005, mark 317." "Spread pattern Delta 94." " Torpedoes armed and loaded, sir." " Fire when ready." "Worf?" "One of the torpedoes has veered off course." "It is a malfunction in the guidance system." "Abort and destroy." "The torpedo is not responding." "Subspace detonator will not engage." "Lock on phasers." " The torpedo is out of range." " Even for your improved phasers?" "Maintain a sensor lock." "We'll have to go after it." "That would be inadvisable." "The asteroid field is unusually dense." "The Enterprise is too large to navigate through it." "I'll take a shuttlecraft." "Mr Data, you're with me." "Captain, the shuttle pilot on duty is Lt Hayes." "I happen to be a reasonably qualified pilot." "Besides, these tests hardly require the Captain's personal attention." "Understood." "Enjoy yourself." "Mr Worf." "I think that you should consider analysing your new guidance system." "Captain, I will need to attend to a personal matter." "Me?" "It may take several days for us to complete our mission." "I would prefer a human to supervise the birthing process." "Well, I'd be honoured." "You are the only other member of the crew who Spot seems to like." "Really?" "That's hard to believe." "You're such a sweet little kitty." "She is to you." "However, there have been several injuries to other members of the crew who have attempted to care for Spot." " So, has she picked a place?" " A place?" "Cats usually like to pick a specific location to give birth." "It's usually dark and secluded." "And I believe that this is it." "I'm curious, sir." "Who's the father?" "I am not certain." "Spot has escaped on several occasions, and there are 12 male felines on board." "I intend to run a full DNA analysis on the kittens..." "Picard to Data." "Report to shuttlebay two." "On my way, sir." "Goodbye, Spot." "I believe you are in good hands." "You have nothing to worry about, sir." "Problem?" "I have performed 13 diagnostics on the weapons array." "I can find nothing wrong." "I'll have Geordi run a diagnostic on the torpedo bay." "Must you stand so close to me?" "Lieutenant, are you alright?" "Yes, I'm fine." "You're not." "You've been working for six hours." "Take a break." " But..." " That's an order." "Thanks for waiting." "Do not approach me unannounced when I'm eating." "We were meant to be having lunch together." " I was hungry." " I'm hungry, too." "Excuse me." "Could I have an order of Ongilin caviar?" " Make that a double order." " Certainly." "Caviar?" "For lunch?" "I'm in the mood for something salty." "Besides, it's no stranger than what you're eating." "Have you noticed how dry the air is on the ship?" "Are the environmental controls set properly?" "You're excused." "Here you go." "Is something wrong?" "It has been a difficult day." "The torpedo guidance system failed." "It was my fault." " You always say that." " It was my fault!" "I designed that guidance system!" "Worf, calm down." "I think you're under more stress than you admit." "Maybe you should get some rest." "Perhaps you are right." "If you will excuse me..." "I didn't mean right now." "We removed the guidance module." "There's a fluctuation in the forward sensor cluster." "We think it may be a radial imbalance." "We want to run a diagnostic but we have to shut down power." "Wait a minute." "Slow down." "Which sensor cluster?" "The forward." "A power fluctuation in the converter nodes." "It's a minor adjustment." "It's all here on this diagram, Commander." "I'll look this over later." "Run your diagnostic." "I'll inform the other departments about the power systems." "I'll check that." "He's full of energy today." "He won't slow down." "He's been like that since last night." "Looks like a plasma conduit cut out in junction 17." " I'll go look at it." " I'll go with you." "Keep you posted." "Computer, increase ambient temperature by two degrees." "Increase relative humidity by ten percent." "Computer, reset environmental controls to standard." "Worf, it's freezing in here." "You have raised the temperature three times." "It is too hot." "Live with it." "Computer, execute my original command." "I need a bath." "You have the bridge." "Here we are." "Looks like a ruptured conduit." "No problem." "I'll just bypass it." "Reg, wait a second." "Take a look at these corroded edges." "It looks like something has eaten right through the conduit." "There are high levels of cholic acid here." "Enzymatic agents." "You know, I wouldn't be surprised if that solvent was organic." "Maybe we should run a biospectral analysis on the solvent." "That's a very good idea, but first we should take a break." "You go ahead." "I'll take care of it." "Commander, we received a communication from Starfleet." "They want your performance analysis of the new weapons systems." " The weapons systems?" " Yes, sir." "The ones we've been testing for the past few days." "That's right." "What should I tell them, sir?" "Tell them..." "Tell them we haven't finished yet." " What are you doing?" " I had to be near you." "Computer, increase temperature by five degrees." " Get out of that water!" " Leave me alone!" "Could I have a glass of water?" "It's so cold in here." "Your temperature has dropped eight degrees." "I want to run a hypothalamic series right away." "Three other crew members have complained about the temperature." "Some feel like they have fevers." "Others are freezing." "Call Dr Selar and Dr Hacopian." "Looks like a viral infection." "I want to check on Lt Worf." "Worf, have you had any unusual symptoms lately?" "Headaches, nausea, dizziness?" "Do you hear me?" "I'm gonna run a bioscan." "Lie down." "OK." "We can do this sitting up." "What is this?" "Worf, how long have you had this on your neck?" "Looks like it's full of a bioacidic compound, almost like a venom sac." "Open your mouth." "Get a hypospray." "I got her into stasis before the venom paralysed her." "She will need reconstructive surgery, but I think she'll be alright." "Sir, we've analysed the venom." "Compared to the acidic compound found at junction 17, they all have the same enzymatic composition." " Worf is spraying this..." " Venom." "...this venom all over the ship?" "I'd say so." "60 crewmen are exhibiting strange behavioural changes." "Memory loss, fatigue, headaches." "One thing is clear." "There's a disease aboard the Enterprise and it's spreading." "I'm having trouble concentrating myself." "It's like my mind keeps wandering." "I can't..." "Commander, I've got seven teams hunting Worf." "For some reason, the sensors can't lock onto him." "I've called a level-two security alert." "Should we go to level one?" "What do you think?" " I think we should." " OK, sounds good." "Then you'll take care of that security thing?" " Yes, sir, I will." " I'll notify Starfleet." "I'll tell them what's happening." "You have your orders." "Dismissed." "Computer, send a subspace message." "Starfleet Command." "Security-channel authorisation." "Alpha-47 authorisation required to activate security channel." "Computer." "Awaiting authorisation." "Captain's log, supplemental." "Cmdr Data and I have recovered the torpedo after three days." "We are en route back." "Captain, the ship is not at the prearranged coordinates." "Have they been delayed?" "I do not know." "I am unable to raise them on any channel." "Scan the vicinity." "See if you can find them." "I found it, sir." "Two light years away." "Set a course." "The Enterprise appears to be adrift." "I read power fluctuations on all decks." " Life signs?" " There are life signs." "However, sensor readings are distorted." "I am unable to identify specific life forms." "Adjust the axial stabilisers to match attitude and rotation, then dock the shuttle manually." "Main power is off line." "All systems are in standby or emergency mode." "There is no response from any manned station." " Any sign of the crew?" " I cannot access sensors here." " Sounds like animals." " Yes, sir." "I am able to discern over 300 different vocalisations." "Look at this." "It is composed of reptilian DNA." "I believe it is an epidermal layer cast off during moulting." " But it seems to be humanoid." " Yes, sir." "I cannot explain it." "No species aboard the Enterprise shed their skin in this fashion." "Sir." "These are Counsellor Troi's quarters." " Can you tell if she's inside?" " No, sir." "Data." "I want to have a look in here." "Stand ready." "Environmental settings in these quarters have been altered." "Data, over here." "Deanna." "What's happened to her?" "Her DNA is in a state of ribocyatic flux." "Her genetic codes are being resequenced." "Her cells are mutating." "At a fundamental level, she is no longer human." "What is she?" "Her respiratory tissue can metabolise both water and air." "Her eyes have developed nictitating membranes." "I believe she is amphibian." "She has been injured." "Yes, sir." "There's Klingon DNA in the wound." "It is saliva." "She's been bitten?" "It would appear so." "I will need a full biospectral analysis." "First we've got to get the ship under control." "Let's go to the bridge." "His spinal column has been broken in three places." "It looks like he was attacked by an animal." " Yes, sir." " Has his DNA been changed?" "Yes, sir." "However, it was in its initial stages when he died." "Captain." "I am picking up 1,011 individual life forms within the ship." "All exhibit a similar genetic flux to Counsellor Troi's." "So the entire ship has been affected." "Most life forms are scattered throughout the ship." "However, there are concentrations in the arboretum and the aquatic lab." "I've regained attitude control but main power is still off line." "It looks as if the power-transfer grid has been destroyed." "Will?" "Captain." "His cranial plates have thickened by 20 percent." "His brain is much smaller." "He cannot comprehend our language." "Perhaps we can communicate." "Will, can you understand what it is..." " He looks almost proto-human." " Yes, sir." "His DNA would seem to confirm that observation." "Captain, I believe the crew is de-evolving." "This tranquilliser should keep him unconscious for seven hours." "What have you found out?" "I have analysed Cmdr Riker's DNA structure." "A synthetic T-cell has invaded his genetic codes." "This T-cell has begun to activate his latent introns." "Introns?" "They are genetic codes which are normally dormant." "They are evolutionary holdovers, sequences of DNA which provided key behavioural and physical characteristics millions of years ago but are no longer necessary." "For instance, Counsellor Troi's gills and amphibious characteristics were derived from introns which still contain amphibious codes." "So these introns are causing her DNA to recombine in an earlier configuration?" "That is correct." "In her case, the DNA has created an amphibious life form which became extinct over 50 million years ago." "Cmdr Riker's introns are changing him into an early hominid." "Yes, sir." "I would say australopithecine." "Each stage is another link in the evolutionary chain which stretches back to the origins of all life forms on Earth." "Because introns can include genetic material from many different species over millions of years, it is possible that a wide variety of transformations is occurring." "What about crew members not from Earth?" "All humanoid life has a similar genetic pattern." "The virus should work on non-human crew members in the same way." "They're each de-evolving into earlier forms of life on their worlds." "I feel I must inform you, sir, you have also been infected by the intron virus." "How long before I begin to change?" "According to my calculations, within the next 12 hours, you will exhibit the first signs of your eventual transformation." "And what will that be?" "I believe you will also de-evolve into an earlier form of primate, possibly similar to a lemur or a pygmy marmoset." "Well, before I begin swinging through the ship looking for breakfast, we'd better find some answers." "How do we reverse the process?" "I am uncertain." "We will need to run microcellular scans." "But the ship's main computer has been damaged." "Captain." "The computer in my quarters has an independent memory-storage unit." "It should not have been affected." " I suggest we start there." " Agreed." "It would appear that Spot has had her kittens." "They sound hungry." "Yes." "I am curious as to why Spot is not caring for them." "It would seem that the virus is not limited to humanoid life forms." "No, sir." "What is it?" "These kittens were born less than 24 hours ago." "Spot's transformation took place at approximately the same time." "So, Spot was giving birth to the kittens at the same time that she was changing into a reptilian life form." "I believe so." "For some reason, the intron virus was not passed on to the kittens." "I do not know why." "If I remember my biology, several immune systems come into play in the mother's womb to protect the foetus from viral infections." "True." "Placental barriers, maternal antibodies and amniotic fluids all serve as a filtration system." "Maybe we could have inhibited the virus by using the natural antibodies in Spot's amniotic fluid." "It would take further research." "But to be effective on humanoid crew, humanoid antibodies would be necessary." "We should locate a pregnant humanoid." "Nurse Ogawa has recently become pregnant." "Where is she?" "I have traced her signal to deck 17, section 21 Alpha." "The arboretum." "One of the warp plasma vents has failed." "Main Engineering has been abandoned." "There is no one there to fix it." "I can repair the damaged plasma vent from here." "I'm going to check the status of the warp core." "Data!" "What was that?" "I believe it was Lt Barclay." "He was partially transformed into an arachnid." " A spider?" " Yes, sir." "Are you alright, Captain?" "I have these intense feelings of fear and panic." "I feel as if I were being watched." "I can't explain it." "You may be experiencing the initial stages of transformation." "Early primates were often prey to carnivores." "As a result, their instincts included a heightened sense of awareness." "In that case, my instincts tell me that we'd better hurry." "Captain, I have analysed Nurse Ogawa's embryo." "It is unaffected by the virus." "I believe I can use her amniotic fluid as a retrovirus." "It would neutralise the synthetic T-cell and re-establish the genetic patterns." "How soon?" "It will not take long to isolate the material." "I will need the sickbay computer." "What was that?" "It is large." "Approximately 200 kilograms." "It is heavily armoured with an exoskeleton." "Life signs appear to be Klingon." "Worf." "Set your phaser on heavy stun." "We cannot be certain a stun setting will work." "A higher setting might kill him." "Listen to that." "He sounds very angry, really aggressive." "What do you think he wants?" "Do you think he's responding to some predatory instinct?" "Do you think he sees us as prey?" "There are crew members in the corridors and other sectors." "It would be easier to consume one of them than to break through a door." "Then what does he want?" "Predators use vocalisations to frighten other predators, and to mark territory, and to commence mating process." "A mating process." "Troi was bitten by a Klingon, but nowhere that was life-threatening." "Not near a major artery or organ." "Data, look at this." "Look at this injury." "This wound was never intended to give her serious harm." "What are you suggesting?" "Is it possible that Worf sees Troi as his mate?" "If that is true, he is trying to reach her now." "We can't leave." "We have to protect her." "We have to work on the retrovirus." "If we could distract him or lure him away from her..." "The mating instinct is quite strong in Klingon biology." "I am not certain what would be effective." "Klingons have a powerful sense of smell." "If we could duplicate Deanna's pheromones and convince him that she was no longer in sickbay..." "I'm extracting a blood sample from a sebaceous gland where the pheromones are produced." "I can activate the pheromones with a bioactivant solution." "Can you amplify the pheromones to be more powerful than her scent?" "I believe this will produce the desired effect." "I will use it to draw Worf away." "You must go on working on the retrovirus." "I'll go." "Captain, that is unwise." "Worf may be faster..." "No time to argue." "Deck 17." "Computer, display progress of genetic resequencing." "Genetic resequencing in progress." "DNA to 70 percent normal." "Computer, increase nucleotide substitution by 32 percent." "Data to Capt Picard." " Go ahead, Data." " The retrovirus is working." "I can release it in a gaseous state." "However, it will take time to take effect." "Acknowledged." " Are you alright, sir?" " Yes, I'm fine, Mr Data." "Proceed." "Well, Mr Worf." "Let's hope that when you wake up, you're a new man." "Captain's log, supplemental." "Cmdr Data has returned the crew to normal." "Dr Crusher has determined that the T-cell she used to clear Mr Barclay's Urodelean flu initiated the intron virus which swept through the ship." "So, this is my fault?" "No." "In a way, it's mine." "I didn't realise it at the time, but an anomaly in your chemistry caused the T-cell to mutate." "Instead of activating one dormant gene, it activated all of them, including your introns." "And that's what..." "That's what caused me to de-evolve?" "You and every other member of the crew." "The T-cell became airborne and spread like a virus." "You know, Reg, this is a completely new disease." "It's traditional to classify a new disease with the name of the first diagnosed patient." "You mean you want to name the disease after me?" "Right." "How about Barclay's Protomorphosis Syndrome?" "Barclay's Protomorphosis..." "It has a nice ring to it." "Thank you, Doctor." "He transformed into a spider." "Now he has a disease named after him." "I think I'd better clear my calendar for a few weeks."