"Happy birthday." "The next rule is:" ""Good Job Jenny asks questions only when it's time for asking questions."" "How will we know when it's time for questions?" "What did I just say about asking questions?" "But ..." "You may ask when you can ask questions when it's time for asking questions." "Huh?" "In this classroom, we have some rules." "These are the same rules we had last year." "Is that a question?" "Class, what is the rule about asking questions?" "What do we know about Good Job Jenny?" "She deserves a slow and painful death." "Anyone?" ""Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe." "All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe."" "That's Miss Dodger, the new theater teacher." "Attend the tea party." "Writing?" "Summoning the courage, failing." "Blackthorne's gonna publish me." "Oh, Peter." "It's a tiny academic press." "No, that's great." "Nobody'll read it." "It's great." "It is great." "It's the greatest thing in the history of great." "I think you are." "Till I shrivel up with resentment?" "How was your day?" "Good." "The girls?" "Terrific." "I don't know how you do it." "So your work examines Alice in Wonderland?" "Well, actually it's ... it's ..." ""I have angst." "Sincerely, Olivia."" "How does a seven-year-old have angst?" "You don't know the half of it." "Mozart was six when he wrote his first opera." "I'm seven." "Well, he's only got a year on you, sweetie." "You don't understand." "See?" "A house of women speaking their minds." "And-and her poetry, it's like E.E. Cummings," "Phoebe too, these rhythms and rhymes and internal monologues." "You've never seen anything like it." "Hillary is a terrific mother." "Mm, well" "Oh, no, please, I insist, let me." "Thank you." "How's the book coming along?" "Precarious Enchantment:" "Wonderland and Perversion, right?" "God, how awful." "So..." "Well, sometimes I actually have time to write a whole sentence." "Remember that next time you cry, baby." "But don't you love being a mother?" "God, yes." "Break your mother's back." "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." "Is that a Patriot Girl doll in your locker?" "Katherine, girl of strength and spirit, growing up in Philadelphia during the American Revolution." "I had her." "I stuck needles in her eyes." "I have Mary." "Mary, she's a Patriot Girl too, except British." "She escaped the bombing of London during World War II." "I know who she is." "She's a loser." "You think?" ""You think?"" "What are you looking for?" "Money." "Yesterday I found a dollar." "I'm saving up for Sings With Birds, the noble Sioux girl growing up in 1732." "Do you want my Katherine one?" "Thanks, but I have it." "No!" "No, don't touch me!" " No!" " I got you!" "No, you didn't!" "I'm not it!" "Yes, you are." "No, you don't understand." "I can't be it." "Please don't make me be it." "Phoebe's it!" "No!" "I'm sorry." "Please don't tell." "Miss Reiter," "Phoebe spit at me!" "Phoebe, it's only a game." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to." "Something's going on with Phoebe." "Because she got upset during tag?" "She spat." "As I understand it, all the other kids were running at her." "They were playing tag." "Exactly, it seems pretty innocent to me." "It was the way it happened." "This is why little boys who kiss little girls get expelled for sexual assault." " All right, Hillary." " No, I'm sorry." "It's just, we want our kids to care, and then we worry when they do." "We want them to show spirit, and then punish it." "I really don't see the problem here." "Is there something going on at home?" "I'm finishing a book." "That's about it." "Anything else?" "Children are good at hiding." "No." "Do you think that something's going on with Phoebe?" "Something's always going on with Phoebe." "She's different." "That's good." "But do you think" "No, I think it's just the way they are." "This god damn what-to-expect-this-second parenting." "You ever wonder if we're too tuned in to our kids?" "She wasn't accusing you of anything." "Of course she was." "I hope Phoebe got her with a good loogie." "Maybe I'm not spending enough time with her." "We work." "Right?" "I'll figure out something special." "Please take you seats." "Look at the chandelier." "Thank you." "I can't wait." "I know." "Go." "Come on." "Here, take off your coat." "Oh, it's starting." "She's changing." "The swan is turning into a princess." "Look." "Why'd she take off her dress?" "It's just her costume." "If I had a dress like that, I'd never take it off." "You'd have to, to wash it." "No, 'cause maybe if I wore it long enough, one day I'd wake up, and I'd be that person." "Smart girl." "You'd have to choose your part carefully." "Oh, I would." "Believe me, I would." "Hey, don't look." "No room, no room." "I'm here to try out for the play." "I'm the Mad Hatter." "This is the March Hare, and that's the Dormouse." "Whatever." "I want to be Alice, and I always get the lead." "How strange everything is today." "Let me think." "Was I the same when I got up this morning?" "Thank you." "Wouldn't you like to attend the party as the White Queen?" "Alice." "Right." "Dive in." "How strange is everything today." "Let me think." "Was I the same when I got up this morning?" "I'll make a killer Alice." "I look just like her." "Just Alice." "My daddy is sick rich." "I want Alice, and you should know that I'm a depressive." "No room, no room." "Excuse me?" "Oh, may I have some tea?" "Welcome to the tea party." "A gift?" "Most recently, I did two seasons in the Essex Playhouse Theater Arts Workshop." "Indeed." "In The King and I, I was featured as Phra Alack, the head servant." "Hmm." "Which role would you like to try out for, the King of Hearts, the White Knight?" "The Queen of Hearts." "Unless ..." "No, no, no, no, no." "Please, be my guest." "Off with her head." "Phoebe Lichten?" "Here." "Your tea party was scheduled for 20 minutes ago." ""Your tea party was scheduled for 20 minutes ago."" "Sorry." "I'm so sorry." "I was washing my hands." "I suppose you want to read for Alice." "Hmm." "How strange everything is today." "Let me think." "Thank you." " That's it?" " That's it." "You don't want me to read anymore?" "No, thank you." "Can I please try it again?" "That won't be necessary." "I'm sorry I was late." "I really am." "I had to ..." "I have to wash my hands a certain number of times." "You can try again, a little slower." "Go on." "Jump." "How strange everything is today." "Let me think." "Was I the same when I got up this morning?" "I almost think I can remember feeling a little different." "But if I'm not the same, the next question is, who in the world am I?" "How'd your tryouts go?" "How'd you find me here?" "I made this house." "It took a while." "How'd it go?" "I think mine went well." "I practiced forever." "I was better at home." "Auditions are stressful." "When I wanted my baking kit," "I prayed to God every night for a whole month to get it." "Is that what you have to do?" "Well, if you want something a lot, you have to pray or do something you hate, and God will see you deserve it." "I don't believe in God." "Me neither, but I did get the baking kit." "So you have to pray?" "Or do something you hate." "Like what?" "I don't know, P.E.?" "P.E.?" "But you have to choose something else." "Four." "Hey, sweetie." "How was school?" "Did you have your tryout today?" "I'm concentrating." "I was gonna make a cake, you want to help me?" "Stop!" "Now I can't remember what number I'm on." "I have to start all over again." "Well, why don't you come inside?" "I can't, not until I've stepped on all the squares in the right order." "Are you, um, pretending this is Looking Glass Land?" "Looks a little like a chessboard." "Phoebe, what would happen if you didn't step on the squares in the right order?" "I won't get in the play." "That's what this is all about, to get in the play?" "Get back!" "Can I help?" " Get back!" " Okay." "Are we making the cake now?" "Phoebe?" "Where's Phoebe?" "Where's your sister?" "Upstairs." "Does she know it's dinner time?" "I told her." "How'd the writing go today?" "Writing?" "What writing?" "It'll come." "Oh, here she is." "What's the matter, sweetie?" "Aren't you hungry?" "Oh, my god." "I'm sorry." "What happened?" "It's to get in the play." "Oh." "What's this?" "Why'd you come to see me today?" "Have you been acting differently recently?" "You can say anything you want to me, anything." "Nothing you say can be wrong." "In school, you have to follow certain rules." "You can't speak at certain times." "You can't say certain things." "Here, it's the opposite." "You should say whatever you want ... whenever you want." "There's nothing I can't say?" "No." "So ... what do you want to say?" "Nothing." "You are all very, very talented." ""You're all very, very talented."" "They always say that." "Here are your roles." "You will all be in the musical number." "The Mad Hatter, Jeremy." "The Caterpillar, Tommy." "The Caterpillar?" "I wanted to be the knight." "The Caterpillar's a loser part." "Shh." "No small parts, only small actors." "You're dead." "Jenny and Sally ..." "Card 1 and Card 2." "What?" "We were robbed." "The Queen of Hearts... goes to Jamie." "That's a girl's part." "Fruitcake." "I'm gonna kidnap your Patriot Girl." "Shh." "It was doing P.E." "Did you do stuff to?" "Humpty Dumpty, Martin." "The White Queen goes to Monica." "And Alice..." "Phoebe." "I was so proud of you today." "Good night." "Good night, love you." "Love you." "Are you asleep?" "No." "So what do we do?" "I don't know." "What do we do?" "Are we gonna do the play?" "We are in a theater." "I think probably we should." "Don't you?" "Aren't you gonna tell us what to do?" "No." "You tell me." "How do you put on a play?" "You wear costumes and say the words?" "Well, then ... jump." "When do we start?" "When do you think?" "When the lights go on?" "Good." "Should we start?" "It's so hot, and I'm tired." "What a dull book this is." "What's the use of a book without pictures?" "Where do I enter from?" "Where do you think?" "Offstage?" "Oh, dear, oh, dear, I shall be too late." "Wait!" "I think I hear the queen coming now." "And if something's not done about it in less than no time," "I'll have everybody executed all round." "Homo." "Homo got the part." "Off with your head!" "Fill up the glass with treacle and ink and anything else that is pleasant to drink." "Mix sand with the cider and wool with the wine, and welcome Queen Alice with ninety times nine." "Ninety times nine." "Let's consider who it was that dreamed it all." "It must have been either me or the Red King." "He was part of my dream." "But then, I was part of his dream too." "Which do you think it was?" "Bravo." "Welcome to Wonderland." "That was amazing." "She just let us do it." "And you were great." "You were awesome." "You definitely won't get fired." "Fired?" "Oh, yeah, happens all the time." "Really?" "Ever heard of Kristen Vigard?" "Exactly." "The real Annie, fired a week before opening." "Andrea McArdle went on to everlasting fame." "But don't worry." "You were great." "You were so different onstage." "How come you spit?" "What?" "I-I don't know." "I didn't used to." "Why do you want to play a girl's part?" "It's a play." "I can do whatever I want." "But why do you do it when everyone makes fun of you?" "Because." "So because for me too." "Sometimes, I get this feeling ... this feeling to jump off a roof." "You want to die?" "No." "It's what I feel like all the time, with the things I do." "I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it." "It's like being on the edge of a roof all the time." "Fired?" "It won't happen." "Seven." "Three." "Five." "Twelve." "Six." "Four." "Turn out your toes." "Remember who you are." "Hillary." "Where's your sister?" "And don't get fired." "Where's Olivia?" "I don't know." "Are you trying to get me fired?" "The bus will be here any minute." "I'm not going to school today." "Oh, why not?" "I don't want to." " I'm sick." " Oh, you are not." "I'm sick of Phoebe." "What are you talking about?" "You're so good with her." "Yeah, and I'm sick of it." "Please don't play on the stairs." "Leave me alone." "Can't I have another sister?" "What?" "No." "Not instead of, another." "Or a brother." "No." "One that I don't have to take care of, who hasn't got what she's got." " Phoebe, are you all right?" " Go away." "Turn out your toes, don't get fired." "What do you mean "got"?" "You don't even know anything that's going on." "What do you mean I don't know anything that's going on?" "She gets everything she wants." "What does she get that you don't?" "You." "Phoebe, don't jump." "Leave me alone." "Turn out your toes, remember who you are, don't get fired." "Ow." "Turn out your toes." "And remember who you are." "Now, now!" "Faster, faster!" "Of course, it takes all the running you can do to stay in one place." "If you want to go someplace else, you have to run at least twice as fast as that." "But if you run as fast as you can and stay in one place, how will you ever get anywhere?" "You just say whatever you say, don't you?" "Everyone tells me that." "I don't mean to be rude." "It's nice to hear you say those things." "It makes me think everything isn't so fixed." "It's not." "Genius!" "That's what my mother ..." "Phoebe, are you all right?" "I was just talking to the Red Queen." "You were practicing your lines?" "I thought you'd be glad I was talking to the Red Queen." "I thought you loved Looking Glass Land, Wonderland." "I thought we loved it together." "I'm sorry." "I didn't know what all this was about." "I'm glad you were talking to the Red Queen, and of course it makes me happy, and I ..." "I love you." "I really love you." "You do believe I was talking to her?" "What'd she tell you?" "Everything isn't so fixed." "It's freer there." "Have you ever felt like your running very fast just to stay in the same place?" "The Red Queen?" "So this is an imaginary friend." "I guess." "Have you told anyone about the Red Queen?" "My mother." "Made her nervous." "Do you hide things from your parents if you think it'll make them nervous?" "Of course." "What do you and the Red Queen talk about?" "Wonderland." "How nice it is to have a place where things aren't quite so fixed." "It's all the opposite there, you know." "It'd be nice if ..." "If ..." "It were the same here." "Same how?" "Different." "Oh, please your majesty, spare us." "What shall we do?" "Girls ... girls ..." "This is not real for you;" "this is not real for us." "Your heads are about to be chopped off." "This is high drama." "There is fear." "There is panic." "Listen." "Can you hear them?" "The executioners are walking down the hall this very moment." "They are pounding at the door." "What do you do?" "There would be weeping and ranting, sobs and cries, plans for escape." "Will no one take mercy on us?" "Bring in the scene next week." "I want to feel the terror of the last moments of your life." "Take risks, jump." "What does she want from us?" "It's just a dumb play." "We're only ten." "Ten?" "Ten?" "When I was ten," "I played Cleopatra as she fed the asp to her breast." "It was breathtaking." "The audience was on the edge of their seats." "You could hear a pin drop, they were so entranced." "My ten-year-old niece is hard at work unlocking the mysteries of Stonehenge." "You'll be reading about her within the year." "Ten, indeed." "Now, continue." "Alice, White Queen, pick up where we left off." "I wish I could manage to be glad, only I can never remember the rule." "You must be very happy being glad whenever you like." "Only it's so very lonely here." "Oh, don't go on like that." "Consider what a great girl you are." "Consider what o'clock it is." "Consider anything, only please don't cry." "Can you keep from crying by considering things?" "There, you see?" "Two lines." "In two lines, she went from utter despondency to complete joy." "Two lines;" "brava, Phoebe." "Come on, trust falls, and then the musical number." "Come on." "Ready?" "Yes." "No-oh." "Uh, what's ... what's this?" "Principal Davis, I didn't hear you." "Trust falls." "Trust falls." "Well, that er ... you know, that seems a bit reckless, don't you think?" "Nonsense, it's liberating." "Dangerous." "Ready?" "Yes." "One, two, three." "Oh." "She's quite remarkable, Phoebe." "Thank you." "You're lucky." "Trick or treat." "Well, good evening, Alice." ""Good evening, Alice."" "And who are you?" "A man with a beard?" "Karl Marx." "Thanks for the candy." "Happy Halloween." "Did the psychiatrist say anything else?" "Not yet." "OCD." "Clearly, partly." "When I was a kid, I counted telephone poles from the car." "If I missed one, we'd crash." "Nobody labeled me." "It's just the way kids are." "No, it's different." "Her hand ..." "Well, what do you want me to say?" "How come no one knows who I am?" "It's esoteric, sweetie." "You're very original." "Now, go try this other house." "Trick or treat." "Don't let the poppies put you to sleep." "Have you ever read Alice in Wonderland?" "Of course." "When?" "I don't know;" "it was a while ago." "Given that it's what my work's all about, doesn't that seem ..." "I don't know ... fucked up?" "I'm gonna get the bag." "Trick or treat." "Raisins bite." "Phoebe." "You're fat." "I'm sorry." "She's my younger sister." "She doesn't know what she's saying." "Fat, fat water rat." "It's supposed to rain tomorrow." "Just out of curiosity, how am I supposed to care about your work when you don't?" "I have no time." "Because you make no time." "30 children are coming for Olivia's birthday tomorrow." "I didn't ask you to stop working." "What am I supposed to do with 30 children indoors?" " Hillary, please." " But you didn't stop working." "What, what are we supposed to live on?" "Hmm?" "All right, look, I have my index due tomorrow." "Of course you do." "But I-I'll help you." "I don't need your help." "All right, fine." "The poppies are in Oz." "Where's Daddy going?" "He had some work to do." "But it's Halloween." "What are you doing?" "Take my candy." "Why?" "It's my fault Daddy leaving." "No, he had work to do." "Come on." "I hate Halloween." "Mom!" "Mom!" "No, Mom!" "There, there." "It's all right." "It's okay." "It's okay." "I've got you." "I'm here." "You're safe." "I'm here." "There." "Okay, here." " Let me see." " No." " Let me see." " No!" "Let me see." "Oh, no, no, no, I thought we were done with that." "I'm sorry." "What happened?" "Nothing." "Phoebe." "Phoebe." "It was ..." "it was the stairs." "But I had to ..." "every three ... three steps at a time." "What?" "Say it again." "What, what?" "I had to do it." "It was the stair stepping." "Yeah." "And I had to do every three stairs at a time." "Why?" "I can't help it." "Why?" "I don't know why." "I just ..." "I want you to know." "You ... you want me to know?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Okay." "I want you to know why I ..." "I want you to know why I do all these things." "I don't know why, Mommy." "Okay, okay." "Okay." "I don't know why." "Okay, I got you." "I got you." "I'll find out." "No." "She doesn't have that." "You are all so ready to label, medicate, and move on as if a name means something, as if all the answers are in a bottle." "I've seen that solution." "I have seen it all around me, and it is a life of side effects and dulled minds." "Your profession just doesn't like kids to be kids." "No." "I'll tell you what this is." "Because, see, she was never this way, not this much, so this is something new." "And what it is, is, it's a little girl who has somehow got it into her mind that I ... that I ... that I don't love her." "Because when you put it all together and you try to make sense of it, she's obsessed with Wonderland, and I'm writing a book on it, and I realized she is doing it to be close to me," "because she can tell ..." "She can tell that I'm distracted." "And that's my fault, that I let her see that." "That's my fault." "Who did this?" "I'd like to know who did this." "Miss Dodger, forget about it." "Who wrote the word "faggot" on Jamie's costume?" "Jamie, look up the word "faggot,"" "which, correctly spelled, is F-A-G-G-O-T." "Look up the word, please, and tell me what it says." ""Faggot ..." ""a bundle of sticks or twigs bound together."" "Is that what Jamie is?" "A bundle of sticks?" "When you attach a word to a person, you had better know what it means first." "Does anyone here want to own up to idiocy as well as cruelty?" "There used to be a day when women weren't allowed to act... and young boys would play women." "It was in Shakespeare's day, and these great women, Ophelia, Rosalind, were played by young boys who could act with such a depth of passion that they would bring tears to the eyes of everyone who watched." "These boys performed the greatest theatrical roles ever written, and they inspired all." "Jamie is only doing what boys have done for centuries and ..." "Take your places for the top of act one." "Today we have experienced a tragedy." "Carlita's dead." "Yes, Tommy is right." "Carlita has passed away." "Mr. Jacob found her when he was cleaning this morning." " He took her away." " How'd she die?" "Gerbils are fragile creatures." "Carlita lived a long and fulfilling life." " She lived six weeks." " Right." "Why'd she die?" "We don't know." "Mr. Jacob said she ate something bad." "Yes." "Who's turn was it to take care of her yesterday?" "That has nothing to do with it." "Phoebe, you fed her, didn't you?" "I just gave her the normal food." " You poisoned her." " No, I didn't." " You poisoned Carlita." " No, I didn't!" "You did." "You poisoned her." "It was my turn." " I fed her." " It wasn't." "It was Phoebe's." "Stop!" " You killed Carlita." " Killer." "Stop, Phoebe." "You have to come with me to Principal Davis' office." "What?" "Got in trouble today." "You have to come." "What happened?" "Carlita died." "The gerbil?" "Everyone thinks it's my fault." "Of course it wasn't your fault." "So why do we have to go to the principal's office?" "I spat at Tommy and Sally." "Oh, Phoebe." "I couldn't help it." "What do you mean you couldn't help it?" "It means she couldn't help it." "Please tell Mr. Davis I couldn't help it." "What'd she die of?" "Did you tell Dr. Miles?" "Phoebe's not seeing Dr. Miles anymore." "As of when?" "As of today." "Why?" "Because he's a jackass." "What did he tell you?" "Nothing, that's the point." "I'm looking for someone else." "Hmm." "They all came at me, the other kids." "I got scared." "Well, you know, you can choose not to spit." "No, I couldn't." "Remember, like I was telling you about the myth of the girl." "Peter, leave her alone." "I'm not blaming her." "I'm just trying to get to the bottom of it." "Don't worry, Phoebe, we will handle your prick-cipal." "Oh." "What'd she die of?" "Natural causes." "Olivia." "I can't stop thinking about not doing it, and then I have to." "We can all choose not to do things that hurt other people and ourselves." "Like fight?" "Ah, shit." "Miss Dodger?" "Hello." "Um, we're on our way to a meeting with Mr. Davis, and I-I realized we never ..." "I never introduced myself properly." "I'm-I'm Hillary Lichten." "Yes." "Did Phoebe tell you that I'm writing a book on Alice?" "No." "It's my dissertation." "I'm turning it into a book." "So there's always been a lot of Wonderland at our house." "It seemed such a coincidence, my interest and Phoebe's, and here you are, putting on the play." "Do you believe in coincidence?" "I don't know." "I guess." "How's Phoebe doing?" "I don't." "She's remarkable." "She's okay here?" "Marvelous." "She doesn't ever, you know, do things she shouldn't?" "What shouldn't she do?" "I don't know, inappropriate things." "Never." "She's very happy here." "Thank you." "Normally I tend to stay away from, you know ... in the classroom, because I think that, you know, the teachers can solve things better than I can, and ... and well, frankly, they're better at it than I am," "and I don't like ... sticky ..." "but well, the gerbil died, and I guess the children were a little upset, you know, pets are very dear to children, and..." "Well, she spat, Mrs. Lichten." "She spat." "Spat, spat, water rat." "What?" "So, you know, I thought, well, you could come in, and we could... chat about it." "Tommy spat first." "Phoebe, perhaps you'd let Mommy and Daddy and I talk alone for a little bit." "All right?" "And well, you know, here, you can have a candy too." "Phoebe is imaginative and sensitive and passionate." "And if she did get excited about the gerbil," "I'm sure she was being provoked." "You heard her." "That other terror spat first." "Of course." "Naturally, I agree, but ... whether she's imaginative is hardly the issue." "But it is." "It is." "She doesn't act that way during play practice." "Ask her teacher." "Does she act this way at home?" "No." "Hi." "What happened?" "Principal Davis thinks there should be a consequence." "You understand why?" "Yes." "He's taking you out of the play." "No!" "If your behavior improves ..." "I hate you all!" "There you are." "They want to take me out of the play." "Talk to the king." "But can he help?" "Of course he can." "That's a very ... provoking thing to say." "It's very provoking." "I'm sorry." "I thought there was nothing I couldn't say." "Oh, no." "Words have tempers, you know, particularly verbs." "They're the ..." "they're the proudest." "Can he help me?" "Can you?" "Phoebe Lichten, who are you talking to?" "Shh!" "Are you crazy?" "Go away." "No, not you." "I need help." "Hey, time for bed." "Okay, Phoebe." "There's nothing wrong with me." "I know, I know." "I just-just a quick check." "I'm so sorry about the play." "Okay, five more minutes." "I love you." "Please, please come back." "Come back." "I'm here to talk about Phoebe Lichten." "Yes." "Very good." "She has to be put back in the play." "Well, yes, I agree." "I agree." "You didn't even consult me." "I would put her back." "Certainly, I would." "But it's really out of my ... and other people who think it's best for her too." "And, you know, she spat." "She, she did spit, you know." "Phoebe's an astonishing little girl." "You should talk to her parents and her teachers." "It's really ..." "I have very little control over this." "Why is that?" "You're the principal." "Miss Dodger, if a child makes trouble, the child is punished." "This is the way it works, you know?" "This is the way it is." "And it was decided ..." "Oh, please." "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry." "I ... that just came out." "I ..." "I didn't ..." "I'm sorry." "Who's there?" "Is someone there?" "Phoebe?" "Phoebe, why are you here?" "Look." "I think about Alice falling." "And I look down, and I get scared." "Yes." "I don't want to do those things or say those things." "I just have to... except here." "Everywhere else, I feel ugly." "I want to tell you something which may not make any sense." "But I should say it just so that one day, you might remember it, and maybe it will make you feel better." "At a certain point in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by ... you will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are ... especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals." "And you will say to yourself ..." ""But I am this person."" "And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love." "I'm so scared." "We all are." "Can we give thanks?" "No." "Anyway, I'm on a hunger strike." "The chicken's not cage-free." "So?" "So you know what they do to factory chickens?" "They hang them upside-down and electrocute them, but only a little." "So they can usually still feel it when they get their throats cut." "But, see, also, the knife misses a lot." "So they're still alive for the last part, when they get dropped into boiling water." "Where'd you learn this?" "In social studies." "Miss Linney was sick." "So I had a substitute teacher who told us everything." "Oh, well, I'm not sure it's all true." "But I give thanks for my bright, outspoken daughters." "And I give thanks for substitute teachers who tell the truth." "Good." "Phoebe?" "Nothing." "When I was a girl, we weren't allowed to eat until we could find something to be thankful for." "Then I'm going on a hunger strike too." "I think I know something you could be grateful for." "What?" "You're being put back in the play." "Really?" "I can play Alice?" "On a trial basis." "Your drama teacher and I fought very hard and your father too, and we said that if you acted in the classroom the way you do in the play, everyone would be very happy." "I'm thankful for being Alice." "Good." "Peter." "I'm thankful for the Vicodin that's dulling the searing pain in my hand." "Good enough." "Hey, who wants to go shopping and blow next month's mortgage?" "No, Phoebe and I know what we want." "Yeah, what?" "Phoebe, sit down." "Phoebe and I want a brother." "A brother, a brother, a brother!" " A brother!" " Okay, girls." "We found this book, Where Babies Come From." "Uh-huh." "Well, let's not talk about it now." "It says you guys have to get into bed and skoogy around." "What does skoogy mean?" "Can we get these off the table, please?" "Well, we can talk about this later." "And after you've been skoogying ..." "Okay, girls, not quite so loud." "You get this feeling you can't stop." "Like sneezing." "And the seeds come out." "Is that how you made us?" "You sneeze." " Achoo!" " Bless you." "Achoo, I made a baby." "Achoo, achoo!" "Twins!" "We want baby." "We want baby." "Come on, come on." "We want baby!" "We want baby!" "We want baby!" "We want baby!" "We want baby!" "We want baby!" "We want baby!" "We want baby!" "Do you really?" "Really, you think your mother could handle another one like you?" "Phoebe." "Stay away." "You." "You knew." "Screw you." "It's not true, right?" "That's easy." "It's only true if it's not a lie." "Ask me another." "I-I didn't mean" "That's just it." "You should have meant." "What do you suppose is the use of a child without meaning?" "I meant, am I why she won't have another baby?" "Well, then say what you mean." "You might just as well have said "I am what I eat"" "is the same as "I eat what I am."" "Or "I like what I get" is the same as..." ""I get what I like."" "You're just saying lines from the book." "But I need help." "I need you to help me!" "After all we've done together." "Please just ... wait!" "Come back, please!" "You asleep?" "I wanted to find a story to tell you, a Greek myth or a fable to explain what happened to me tonight." "And then I realized, that's what my father used to do." "Something would happen, and he'd tell the story and then analyze it... anything to avoid saying it." "What I need to say is..." "I have never been so ashamed of myself." "The words just came out." "Yes, that's what it's like." "If you want to go back to work, I can finish up here." "About what I said ..." "At dinner." "We haven't talked, not really." "I'm sorry." "Talk to her." "I did." "And I have been, and she says she's okay, but I don't think so." "What you said, those words." "I know." "You don't want to talk to me now." "Peter, I'm mad, really mad." "I understand." "Yeah, I'm mad that you said that." "I'm mad that you hurt her." "God, I just ..." "I'm mad that I want her to be different, and I'm mad that she is different." "I'm mad that she's acting out because she's unhappy, and I don't know why she's unhappy and I can't make her happy, but her bizarre teacher can." "I'm mad that I blame myself for the way she acts." "I'm mad that I think of mothers as just mothers, and I-I'm mad that I care if I'm a good one." "I'm mad that when you said that to her," "I know you were right." "I couldn't take another one of her." "I'm mad that I'm not writing, and I'm mad that someday, I will be 70 and going on about my kids because I won't have anything else because I didn't do anything important." "And I'm mad that sometimes..." "I'm not scared of that at all because my children make me live." "They make me live." "When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less." "The question is whether you can make words mean so many different things." "She's-she's petulant here." "The questions is whether you can make words mean so many different things." "Petulant." "The question is whether you can make words mean so many different things." "Petulant, Phoebe, argumentative." "The question is whether you can make words mean so many different things." "The question is whether you can make words mean so many different things." "Stop it." "Fag!" "At last." "I'm so happy you came back." "What?" "That's funny." "That's what Miss Dodger always says." "Yes, I'm ready." "Silence in the court." "Herald, read the accusation." ""Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts," ""all on a summer day." ""The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, and took them quite away."" "Consider your verdict." "Off with his head." "Not yet, not yet." "There's a great deal more to come before that." "Then call the first witness." "I am so glad, Phoebe, that you weren't seriously hurt." "I want you to know at the outset that you're not in any kind of, well, you know, trouble." "We're here just to have a amiable, lovely, sweet chat." "Candy?" "No, thank you." "I actually wanted to talk to you a little about Miss Dodger." "Do you like her?" "Yeah, I like her a lot." "Would you consider her a good teacher?" "Yes." "What kinds of things does Miss Dodger do that make her a good teacher?" "I don't know." "She lets us do the things that we want." "She lets you do what you want." "I see." "Like ..." "Miss Dodger is very important to us." "We like her ..." "we like her very much." "We actually admire her being so attached to her students." "What does she let you do?" "The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts." "Phoebe?" "The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts." "Give your evidence." "And don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot." "I hadn't but just begun my tea, and what, with the twinkling of the tea tray." "Off with your head." "Good job." "Phoebe... we're not here to hurt anyone." "We like Miss Dodger." "Wait." "Off with your head." "No one wants to do anything bad." "Do you understand that?" "What's Miss Dodger let you do." "What we want." "Twinkling tea." "Yes, yes, twinkle, twinkle, little star." "Does she let you go up on the catwalk?" "No." "I see." "Have you ever been up there before?" "No." "Yes." "One-one time." "By yourself?" "No, with Miss Dodger." "I see." "Yes, well, that was very sweet of Miss Dodger." "She's very friendly." "Huh?" "I love it when friendly people let you do what you want." "Phoebe, did you fall from the catwalk?" "Good job." "Consider your verdict." "Phoebe." "Did you fall from the catwalk, or did you ... jump?" "Off with your head!" "But wait, there's more evidence to come." "I've just been handed this paper." "So ashamed, the words just came out." "Please, please, your majesty," "I didn't write it." "There's no name signed on it at the bottom." "Phoebe." "Did you fall off the catwalk, or did you ..." "You must have meant some mischief, or else you would have signed your name like an honest man." "That proves his guilt." "Good Job Jenny." "Phoebe." "I didn't fall." "You jumped?" " Why?" " No reason." "Consider your verdict." "Jump." "Phoebe, we're just ..." "we're just chatting here, okay?" "I'm just curious." "Curiosity killed the cat." "Silence in the court." "Satisfaction brought it back." "Does this have anything to do with those trust falls?" "The Red ... the Red Queen, she told me to." "The Red Queen?" "She was just saying what Miss Dodger always said." "What Miss Dodger said." " Jump." " Guilty." "Now, let the jury proceed." " Consider your verdict." " No, no." "Consider your verdict." "No, no, words just came out." "Phoebe." "Did Miss Dodger tell you to jump?" "Did she?" "Thank you, Phoebe." "Guilty, guilty, guilty." "I didn't ... she didn't tell me to jump." "What?" "I didn't ..." "I didn't know what she meant." "I thought she meant something else." " I don't know what you mean." " I'm sorry." "I was wrong." "I didn't know what it meant." "Thank you, Phoebe." "You may leave now." "But ..." "Phoebe." "Hi." "How'd it go?" "Are you always supposed to feel hope?" "Did you jump because you didn't feel hope?" "Oh, no, I feel hope there." "At least, I did." "Where?" "In Wonderland." "But not here." "I can see myself wrecking and ruining." "But I can't stop myself." "I'll be right back." "Ah." "Was this here before?" "No, but I've always found children go where they want." "They won't be stopped, not if they don't want to." "Then children shouldn't be in the theater alone." "Well, that would be a shame." "Miss Dodger, my child is hurt, and I am upset, and you are provoking me." "I-I didn't mean to." "I'm sorry." "How could you let her go up there?" "But I didn't tell her to." "But she had been up there with you." "Yes." "But you don't think you're to blame." "Do you think you are to blame?" "I'm sorry." "She's wondering if she's supposed to feel hope." "She's nine." "Sometimes, you think you don't have hope, but you keep on anyway." "And then you know you have it." "Sentence first, verdict later." "Stuff and nonsense." "Off with your head." "Not yet, your majesty." "You're nothing but a pack of cards." "Now." "Miss Dodger?" "Is rehearsal over?" "Please keep going." "Don't stop." "You're leaving?" "Is it because of me?" "Is it because of what I said?" "Don't stop." "You're just a pack of cards." "Tell them, Miss Dodger, tell them!" "Oh, um... children, sit- sit quietly." "I'll be back in a moment." "Miss Dodger!" "What do we do?" "Why'd she leave?" "Who knows?" "She just left." "She just walked out... like she didn't even care." "She just left." "She just left." "She just left!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop!" "Why?" "Isn't this what they do in Wonderland, break rules, break stuff?" "No, they don't." "It's different." "Different how?" "They don't hurt things." "They don't break things that are good." "She left us." "She's the one who got up and left without saying anything." "No, she did say something." "She told us not to stop." "What?" "There's no teacher here." "We can't do it without her." "No." "From the first rehearsal, that's what she wanted, to do it on our own." "Who's gonna tell us what to do?" "We tell ourselves." "Come on." "We can do it." "Jamie, start." "Why should I?" "Not for me; for her." "I feel weird." "This is lame." "Jamie, please." "Where do you come from, and where are you going?" "Look up, speak nicely." "Places from the top of act two, Looking Glass Land." "You see, I've lost my way." "When is she gonna wake up?" "Maybe she's medicated." "No, she has a spell on her." "Wake up." "Wake up." "Wake up, wake up, wake up." "Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up." "Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up." "I'm sorry, she can't help it." "Wake up, wake up, wake up." "Wake up, wake up." "Stop it, stop it." "Wake up!" "[whispering[ Stop it, stop it, stop it." "Wake up, wake up, wake up." " Wake up." " Stop it." "Wake up." "Stop it, stop it." "Stop, stop, stop, stop." "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry." "I think this is the one you're looking for." "What is it?" "It's about children who suddenly seem to get rude around Phoebe's age." "They can't control it." "Some obsess over ritual, and I guess sometimes it can be hard to see at first, because if they concentrate very hard on something, it goes away for a while, like being in a play, pretending to be someone else." "This is people who curse." "Not only." "And her fantasy," "Wonderland, that isn't part of it, that's just Phoebe wanting to be someplace else." "Is this why you fired Dr. Miles?" "I thought I could help her." "I thought it was me, because ..." "I ... no ..." "Please, let me finish, please." "Because I get bored with them and angry, so angry, I want to shake them." "What, you think your the only mother that feels this way?" "None of this is your fault." "The jumping isn't your fault." "But why didn't you tell me?" "Because I didn't want her to be ..." "What?" "Less." "Gilles de la Tourette syndrome." "It's a beautiful name, I think." "I was born with it." "It's starting now, and it'll get worse before it gets better." "My shoulders, my fingers and imitating and spitting." "It's a voice in your head that makes you do the opposite of what you're supposed to do." "It makes you break rules." "But sometimes breaking rules is good." "So I like to think about it that way." "Any questions?" "Is it contagious?" "No." "Is it AIDS?" "No." "Will it go away?" "Yeah?" "Let me introduce you." "Alice, Beef." "Beef, Alice." "May I give you a slice?" "What impertinence." "I wonder how you'd like it if I were to cut a slice out of you ..." "Excuse me." "What-what is this?" "What-what's going on?" "Dress rehearsal." "Dre ..." "Dress." "Make a remark." "It's ridiculous to leave ..." "Yes, where ... where is the teacher?" "You kicked her out." "Where is the adult?" "Hmm?" "Someone had better answer me." "Who is leading this rehearsal?" "I am." " Yes." " I am." "I am." "I am." " I am." " I am." "I am." "If you want, we can get our parents to come, all of them ... at the same time." "You can talk to them and calm them down." "We might have to do it in here, 'cause there'll be a lot of them." "But, please, just watch." "♪ To the looking glass world, it was Alice that said ♪" "♪ I've a scepter in hand ♪" "♪ I've a crown on my head ♪" "♪ Let the looking glass creatures, whatever they be ♪" "♪ come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me ♪" "♪ So fill up the glasses as quick as you can ♪" "♪ and sprinkle the table with buttons and bran ♪" "♪ put cats in the coffee and mice in the tea ♪" "♪ and welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three ♪" "♪ Oh, looking glass creatures, I beg you, draw near ♪" "♪ 'Tis an honor to see me, a favor to hear ♪" "♪ 'Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea ♪" "♪ along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me ♪" "♪ So fill up the glasses with treacle and ink ♪" "♪ and anything else that is pleasant to drink ♪" "♪ mix sand with the cider and wool with the wine ♪" "♪ and welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine ♪" "♪ with ninety-times-nine ♪" "♪ with ninety-times nine ♪" "♪ and welcome Queen Alice with ninety times-nine ♪" "♪ ♪" "Phoebe, it's almost time!" "Phoebe?" "Phoebe?" "Miss Dodger." "There's something I need to know." "You let him take you away, right, so we'd keep going on our own?" "Who are you?" "I-I hardly know, sir, right now." "At least, I knew who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed many times since then." "Explain yourself." "I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly, for I can't understand it myself to begin with." "And being so many different sizes in a day, it is very confusing." "It isn't." "Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet." "But when you have to turn into a chrysalis ... you will someday, you know ..." "and then into a beautiful butterfly," "I think you'll feel a little odd." "Not a bit." "Your feelings may be different." "All I know is, it would feel very strange to me." "You, who are you?"