"Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL" "* I'M GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK *" "* GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME *" "* FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE *" "* HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION *" "* GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK *" "* GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND *" "* AMPLE PARKING DAY OR NIGHT *" "* PEOPLE SPOUTING "HOWDY NEIGHBOR" *" "* HEADIN' ON UP TO SOUTH PARK *" "* GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND *" "* SO COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK *" "* AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE **" "BEING A DELIVERY BOY FOR THE SOUTH PARK GAZETTE" "IS A NOBLE PRIVILEGE." "I'M SORRY, MR. JARVIS, IT'S JUST THAT" "I HAVE TO GET UP AT 4 A.M. TO DELIVER YOUR PAPER," "THEN I GO TO SCHOOL ALL DAY." "OH WA-WA-WAAAA." "WE'VE ALL GOT PROBLEMS, PUSSY, GET USED TO IT." "YOU AREN'T DELIVERING THE PAPERS ON TIME !" "MY BIKE HAD A BUSTED PEDAL," "BUT I GOT IT FIXED SO THERE WON'T BE A PROBLEM ANYMORE." "IS THAT YOUR BIKE OUT THERE ?" "YEAH, WHY ?" "CUZ IT'S BEING TOWED." "WHAT ?" "!" "HEY, HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?" "THIS YOUR BIKE ?" "YES !" "IT'S ON THE IMPOUND LIST." "YOU OWE THE COUNTY FOR TICKETS." "NO DUDE, I NEED MY BIKE TO DO MY JOB !" "YEAH, WELL MY JOB IS TO TOW THIS BIKE." "YOU WANT IT BACK, TALK TO THE COUNTY." "NO, NO, DO NOT TOW MY BIKE !" "STOP ASSHOLE !" "UGH !" "OOGH-GH-GH-GH !" "OGH-OW-OW-OGH !" "YES, COME IN." "HI..." "MY NAME IS STAN MARSH." "I WAS TOLD TO COME DOWN HERE AND TRY TO" "YES, COME IN, MR. MARSH." "I'VE BEEN TOLD ALL ABOUT YOUR CASE." "IMPOUNDED BICYCLE - $83 OWED TO THE COUNTY." "MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A JOB." "I GOT A JOB." "BUT WITHOUT MY BIKE TO DO MY PAPER ROUTE," "I CAN'T MAKE THE MONEY, SEE ?" "STAN MARSH IS A BRIGHT YOUNG MAN." "HE'S GOT A GREAT FAMILY, A PROMISING PAPER ROUTE." "ONLY PROBLEM IS" "HIS BIKE'S BEEN IMPOUNDED !" "BUT NOW, HE'S ABOUT TO FIND OUT," "THAT THAT GETTING HIS BIKE BACK" "ISN'T SO EASY." "LOOK, I REALLY NEED MY BIKE." "WELL, I'M AFRAID I CAN'T GIVE IT TO YOU." "BECAUSE THEN YOU WOULDN'T LEARN ANYTHING." "WHAT DO I HAVE TO LEARN ?" "THIS ISN'T FAIR !" "WOA, WOA, HOLD ON..." "I'VE LOOKED YOUR CASE OVER" "AND I THINK MAYBE WE CAN CUT A LITTLE DEAL HERE..." "ACCORDING TO YOUR BACKGROUND CHECK," "WHEN YOU WERE IN KINDERGARTEN," "YOU PLAYED ON THE PARK COUNTY PEE WEE HOCKEY TEAM." "YEAH ?" "WELL, IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT" "THE PEE WEE HOCKEY TEAM THIS YEAR, NEEDS A COACH !" "ME ?" "STAN MARSH IS A WASHED-UP FOURTH GRADER." "HE'S GOT NO JOB, NO BICYCLE" "AND HIS ONLY WAY OUT IS TO COACH..." "A PEE WEE HOCKEY TEAM !" "AND NOW, HE'S ABOUT TO FIND OUT" "THAT TO COACH," "YOU'VE GOT TO GROW." "OW !" "OH BOY..." "UH ALRIGHT, GUYS, OVER HERE." "COME OVER HERE." "OH !" "WE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO" "AND NOT MUCH TIME TO DO IT IN." "WHO ARE YOU ?" "MY NAME IS STAN AND I'M YOUR NEW COACH." "NOW WE JUST NEED TO KIND OF ORGANIZE A LITTLE BIT" "AND PRACTICE OUR" "COACH, I HAVE TO GO POTTY." "ALRIGHT, FINE GO AHEAD." "BY MYSELF ?" "JUST HOLD IT A WHILE, OKAY ?" "WHAT DOES PASSING MEAN ?" "WHEN YOU SHOOT THE PUCK TO ANOTHER PLAYER." "MY MOMMY SAYS I'M BIG AS THE SKY !" "COACH, MORGAN SPIT ON MY FOOT !" "I DID NOT !" "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, SHUT UP !" "WE'RE GOING TO PRACTICE." "YOU TWO GUYS PLAY DEFENSE AND YOU PLAY GOALIE." "I CAN'T PLAY GOALIE." "WHY NOT ?" "MY DOCTOR SAYS I'M NOT A SUPPOSED TO." "WHY, YOU GOT ASTHMA OR SOMETHING ?" "NO, HE HAS CANCER." "WHAT ?" "NELSON HAS LEUKEMIA." "IT'S ALREADY SPREAD TO HIS BONE MARROW." "I DON'T WANNA HAVE CANCER !" "UH..." "IT'S OKAY, DON'T CRY." "BUT WHY ME, COACH, WHY ?" "COACH, WHY DO PEOPLE GET CANCER ?" "OH JESUS, CAN WE JUST PRACTICE ?" "ARE WE GONNA GET CANCER IF WE PLAY WITH NELSON, COACH ?" "NO !" "WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE PARK COUNTY LOSERS !" "HA-HA !" "HA-HA !" "OH NO, ADAMS COUNTY !" "WE JUST THOUGHT WE'D COME CHECK OUT THE ICE" "FOR THE GAME TOMORROW." "GAVIN THROTTLE, COACH OF THE ADAMS COUNTY TEAM." "HEY." "LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE UP ?" "YOU CAN'T BEAT US." "YOU REALLY WANT TO EMBARRASS YOUR PLAYERS ?" "OUR COACH ISN'T GONNA LET US LOSE !" "YEAH !" "YEAH !" "FINE..." "THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT IT." "SEE YOU TOMORROW, COACH." "ADAMS TEAM !" "RIGHT-FOLLOW !" "RIGHT-FOLLOW !" "COACH, PLEASE DON'T LET US LOSE TO ADAMS COUNTY !" "MY DADDY WILL BEAT ME AGAIN !" "JESUS CHRIST..." "STANLY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN !" "IT'S ALMOST BEDTIME." "YOUR MOTHER'S BEEN WORRIED SICK" "AND I'VE BEEN WATCHING TV !" "I GOT A NEW JOB." "I'M FINALLY GONNA BE ABLE" "TO PAY OFF ALL THE MONEY I OWE." "OH, WELL THAT'S GOOD." "WHAT KIND OF JOB ?" "I'M WORKING WITH THE PEE WEE HOCKEY LEAGUE." "WHAT" " WITH THE..." "WHOA, WHOA WAIT STAN." "YOU GAVE UP PLAYING HOCKEY A LONG TIME AGO." "I'M NOT PLAYING, I'M COACHING." "HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHAT HAPPENED ALL THOSE YEARS AGO ?" "OR ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT ?" "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?" "YOUR PEE WEE HOCKEY GAME." "THE PEPSI CENTER ?" "IN BETWEEN PERIODS OF THE COLORADO AVALANCHE ?" "I REMEMBER GOING TO SHAKEY'S AFTERWARDS." "STAN, YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR FAMILY THROUGH THIS AGAIN." "WHATEVER YOUR REASONS ARE." "I'M TIRED, I'M GOING TO BED." "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, SHARON ?" "WHAT ?" "DON'T YOU GET IT ?" "HE'S GETTING BACK INTO HOCKEY TO PROVE SOMETHING TO HIMSELF." "SO HE CAN FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT PEE WEE SKIRMISH." "MAYBE HE DOESN'T REMEMBER, HE WAS ONLY FOUR." "OH HE REMEMBERS..." "I'M SURE IT EATS AT HIM" "EVERY SINGLE DAY." "AND WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF TIME," "HERE IN YET ANOTHER SCORELESS PEE WEE HOCKEY GAME." "THAT'S NUMBER SEVEN, STAN MARSH" "SKATING TOWARDS THE GOAL, SORT OF." "BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE THE PUCK." "I CRAPPED 'EM !" "MOMMY, I CRAPPED 'EM !" "OH, AND IT APPEARS THE GOALIE HAS POOPED HIS PANTS !" "OH, AND LOOK AT THIS !" "LITTLE STAN MARSH ACTUALLY HAS A SHOT AT THE GOAL !" "OHHH !" "OHHH !" "OHHHH !" "STANN, SHOOT IT !" "TIME IS RUNNING OUT !" "STAN MARSH WITH THE CHANCE TO WIN !" "YOU GOT IT, STAN !" "TAKE THE SHOT !" "TAKE THE SHOT !" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !" "O-HO, THAT'S THE END OF THE GAME..." "HOW DISAPPOINTING !" "ARGGHH, ARGH-ARGHHH !" "RANDY, WHAT'S WRONG ?" "OH SHARON, IT WAS HORRIBLE." "IT WAS LIKE I WAS LIVING IT ALL OVER AGAIN." "ALRIGHT, GUYS, TONIGHT IS OUR BIG GAME AGAINST ADAMS COUNTY." "WE STILL HAVE ALL DAY TO PRACTICE." "COACH, HEY COACH !" "COULD WE TALK TO YOU, PLEASE ?" "WE'RE THE BROWNS, NELSON'S PARENTS." "OH." "OUR LITTLE NELSON HE'S..." "TAKEN A TURN FOR THE WORSE, I'M AFRAID." "HIS CANCER'S..." "REAL BAAAD." "OH." "YEAH, OH." "DOCTORS SAY THIS COULD BE IT." "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IT, COACH ?" "HOW DO I LOOK A 5-YEAR-OLD CHILD IN THE EYE" "AND TELL HIM HE'S NOT GONNA LIVE ?" "YOU TELL ME, COACH, YOU TELL ME HOW !" "STOP IT, JACK !" "HE DOESN'T MEAN TO TAKE IT OUT ON YOU, COACH." "NO, I DON'T MEAN TO TAKE IT OUT ON YOU." "IT'S JUST..." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO HIM, COACH." "NEITHER OF US DO." "WHAT DO YOU SAY TO SOMEBODY WHO'S DYING, HUH ?" "I DON'T KNOW." "WILL YOU TALK TO HIM, COACH ?" "HE LOOKS UP TO YOU." "NAH, I THINK YOU OUGHTA." "NAH, I'M JUST HIS FATHER." "BUT YOU'RE HIS COACH !" "YOU'RE LIKE A FATHER TO HIM !" "PLEASE, COACH..." "HE'S COUNTING ON YOU." "PLEASE, COACH, HE'S COUNTING ON YOU." "UH, HEY, NELSON." "OH..." "HI COACH " "DUDE, I CAN COME BACK LATER." "IS THIS A BAD TIME FOR YOU ?" "YEAH, IT'S A PRETTY BAD TIME FOR ME, COACH." "I'M ONLY FIVE AND I'M DYING." "COACH..." "WHAT'S IT LIKE WHEN YOU DIE ?" "WELL..." "I'M NOT SURE." "I WOULD THINK THAT..." "IT'S A LOT LIKE IT WAS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN ?" "HOW COME I HAVE TO DIE NOW ?" "OOF..." "I MEAN..." "HOW COME I DON'T GET TO GROW UP ?" "GOD DAMMIT - DUDE, I DON'T KNOW." "I'M SORRY." "NO, WHAT I MEAN IS..." "NOBODY REALLY KNOWS, SEE ?" "BUT EVERYONE DOES IT." "I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO LIVE" "AND ONLY YOU HAVE TO DIE." "EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE." "DO YOU FEEL BETTER, NOW ?" "I THINK SO." "OKAY, GREAT LOOK..." "I GOTTA GET TO THE STADIUM." "BUT UH..." "HANG IN THERE, ALRIGHT ?" "THANKS COACH." "WILL YOU DO ME JUST ONE FAVOR, COACH ?" "THE GAME TONIGHT..." "I'M GONNA BE WATCHING, SO..." "COULD YOU..." "MAKE IT SO I DON'T HAVE CANCER ?" "DUDE, I TOLD YOU, I CAN'T DO THAT." "WELL THEN, WILL YOU JUST..." "WIN FOR ME ?" "OKAY..." "STAN MARSH HAS ALWAYS LIVED A CAREFREE LIFE." "BUT IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE," "WHAT SEEMED IMPORTANT BEFORE CAN ALL BE PUT IN PERSPECTIVE." "STAN MARSH IS..." "BUMMING ON CANCER." "WELCOME PARENTS, TO THIS PEE WEE HOCKEY MATCH" "BETWEEN PARK COUNTY AND ADAMS COUNTY." "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "COACH, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND ?" "COME TO SURRENDER, COACH ?" "LOOK, THERE'S A KID ON MY TEAM WHO'S GOT CANCER," "AND HE WANTS US TO WIN THIS GAME REALLY BAD, SO..." "COULD YOU JUST..." "GIVE US KIND OF A BREAK ?" "HA, I DON'T THINK SO, COACH." "WE'RE GONNA BEAT YOU INTO THE GROUND," "CANCER OR NO." "WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "WIN !" "ALRIGHT GUYS, LISTEN." "I SAW NELSON IN THE HOSPITAL." "AND HE ASKED ME ONE THING:" "HE SAID HE WANTED US TO WIN THIS GAME..." "FOR HIM." "SO..." "IF WE LOSE" "WE'RE GOING TO KILL NELSON ?" "OH JESUS NO !" "I DON'T WANT TO BE A MURDERER !" "RELAX, IF WE LOSE WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE MURDERERS." "IF WE LOSE ARE WE GONNA GET CANCER ?" "OH NO !" "OH NO !" "I DON'T WANT CANCER !" "THEY LOOK PRETTY STRONG, COACH." "I THINK NELSON'S GONNA DIE FOR SURE." "GOOD LUCK, COACH." "YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT." "YEAH !" "LET'S GO ADAMS !" "LET'S GO PARK COME ON !" "THAT'S IT, BRIAN, KILL HIM !" "GET NEAR THE PUCK !" "WAHHHH..." "AND THAT'S THE END OF GAME." "THE RESULT IS A TIE." "A TIE ?" "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?" "STAN MARSH WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN IT ALL." "THE BIG GAME, A DYING BOY'S HOPE" "ONLY PROBLEM IS" "HE TIED !" "AND NOW, HE'S ABOUT TO FIND OUT" "THAT TYING ISN'T THE SAME AS WINNING." "SO DID WE KILL NELSON OR NOT ?" "HELLO ?" "COACH !" "HOW ARE YOU FEELING ?" "I FEEL PRETTY GOOD, EXCEPT FOR THE CANCER." "COACH, DOES GOD HATE ME ?" "OH, HELLO, COACH." "HI, DOC, HOW IS HE DOING ?" "WELL, HE ISN'T WORSE BUT HE ISN'T GETTING BETTER." "IT'S ALMOST AS IF..." "HIS CANCER WERE TIED." "OH BOY." "OH, MY CANCER HURTS." "HE SEEMS TO HAVE PUT ALL HIS HOPE" "INTO YOU WINNING THAT GAME." "AND WITH A TIE HE'S IN A KIND OF..." "CANCER LIMBO." "BUT WHAT CAN I DO ?" "STAN MARSH !" "STAN MARSH !" "GREAT NEWS !" "OUR HOCKEY TEAM HAS JUST BEEN INVITED" "TO PLAY AGAINST DENVER COUNTY" "DURING A COLORADO AVALANCHE GAME !" "WOW, AT THE PEPSI CENTER ?" "LOOK, HE'S COMING AROUND AGAIN..." "THAT'S OUR BIGGEST GAME EVER !" "DO YOU THINK WE CAN WIN, COACH ?" "WUL..." "UH..." "I MEAN..." "IMAGINE IF THERE WAS ONE GAME," "ONE CHANCE, TO MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT." "STAN MARSH IS BEING GIVEN THAT CHANCE" "BUT TO WIN HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS IN..." "STANLY'S CUP..." "RATED R." "YEAH..." "YEAH WE'LL BEAT 'EM." "ALRIGHT !" "MAYBE THERE IS HOPE FOR ME !" "JUST BE AWARE OF THIS, COACH." "IF YOU LOSE THE BIG GAME..." "THAT LITTLE BOY IS GONNA DIE FASTER THAN" "STEVE IRWIN IN A TANK FULL OF STINGRAYS." "COACH, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING ?" "WE CAN'T BEAT DENVER COUNTY !" "WUL, SURE WE CAN !" "LAST TIME WE PLAYED DENVER THEY SCORED SEVEN TIMES." "LOOK, GUYS, I BELIEVE IN YOU." "NELSON BELIEVES IN YOU." "DOESN'T THAT COUNT FOR ANYTHING ?" "NO, CUZ THEY'RE GONNA KILL US !" "THEY'RE NOT GONNA KILL US." "THAT'S WHAT STEVE IRWIN SAID ABOUT THOSE STINGRAYS." "HAVEN'T YOU GUYS EVER SEEN THESE MOVIES ?" "WE'RE JUST SUPPOSED TO RALLY TOGETHER," "BELIEVE IN OURSELVES AND WE WIN IN THE END." "NO, IN THESE MOVIES THEY ALWAYS GO OUT" "AND FIND A KID WHO'S REALLY GOOD" "TO JOIN THE TEAM." "HEY, THAT'S RIGHT, WE NEED A RINGER." "WE NEED A CANADIAN." "WOW, HE'S GOOD !" "YEAH !" "YEAH !" "STAN, I TOLD YOU." "MY MOM DOESN'T WANT IKE PLAYING HOCKEY." "SHE THINKS IT'S DANGEROUS." "IT'S JUST FOR ONE GAME." "HE WON'T GET HURT, I PROMISE." "YEAH !" "YEAH !" "ALRIGHT, BUT IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE THAN ONE GOOD PLAYER" "TO BEAT THE CHAMPIONS, STAN." "YOU BETTER HAVE A REALLY GOOD GAME PLAN." "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, STAN ?" "THE PEPSI CENTER..." "YOU'RE GOING BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE IT ALL HAPPENED." "THE SAME PLACE WHERE YOU MISSED THAT SHOT" "ALL THOSE YEARS AGO." "DAD, I'M WORKING ON MY GAME PLAN RIGHT NOW." "YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHY I CAN'T GO." "I CAN'T..." "SIT THERE IN THAT SAME CROWD" "AND WATCH YOU DESTROY YOURSELF AGAIN." "OH STAN..." "OF ALL THE PLACES" "WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THE PEPSI CENTER ?" "ALRIGHT..." "ALRIGHT, I'LL GO." "NO, I WANT TO GO." "I'M GOING TO BE THERE FOR YOU" "AND I'LL BE ROOTING LOUDER THAN ANYBODY," "SAYING, "THAT'S MY SON !"" "AND JUST REMEMBER, STAN," "WIN..." "OR LOSE..." "THOSE ARE YOUR TWO OPTIONS." "WIN..." "OR LOSE." "THE SHOT IS BLOCKED, WHAT A GREAT SAVE !" "AND THAT'S THE END OF THE SECOND PERIOD" "WITH THE SCORE TIED TWO-ALL !" "AND NOW, PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER" "FOR THREE MINUTES OF EXHIBITION PLAY" "FROM SOME OF OUR STATE'S FINEST PEE WEE HOCKEY PLAYERS." "ALRIGHT YOU GUYS, THIS IS IT." "THE MOMENT IS HERE." "WE'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER," "AND ACCORDING TO EVERY MOVIE EVER MADE," "WE'RE GOING TO WIN THIS GAME." "AND JUST DON'T FORGET" "THERE'S A LITTLE BOY IN THE HOSPITAL" "WHO'S REALLY COUNTING ON US" "SO LET'S NOT LET HIM DOWN." "ARE YOU WITH ME ?" "LET'S WIN FOR NELSON !" "LET'S DO IT !" "ALRIGHT, LET'S GO WIN !" "SORRY BOYS, YOU AREN'T PLAYING TONIGHT." "HUH ?" "THE OTHER PEE WEE HOCKEY TEAM DIDN'T SHOW UP." "THERE'S NOBODY FOR YOU TO PLAY." "THANKS FOR MAKING THE TRIP, THOUGH." "WE DON'T GET TO PLAY ?" "SO THEN WE WIN ?" "NO, NOBODY WINS." "HEY, YOU CAN'T DO THIS !" "WE'VE BEEN THROUGH ALL THE STUPID EMOTIONAL CRAP !" "WELL YOU GOT NOBODY TO PLAY THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO." "BUT IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO END LIKE THIS !" "HEY, HOLD ON A SECOND." "IF THESE KIDS HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF EMOTIONAL CHANGES" "THEN THEY HAVE TO PLAY." "YEAH." "WELL WHO ARE THEY GONNA PLAY ?" "THEY CAN TAKE OUR PLACE." "YEAH, LET 'EM PLAY THE RED WINGS." "PLAY THE RED WINGS ?" "STAN MARSH COACHES A PEE WEE HOCKEY TEAM," "BUT NOW THEY'RE GOING..." "TO PLAY IN THE BIG LEAGUES !" "THEY'VE GOT SMALL BODIES BUT BIG HEARTS." "STAN MARSH IS..." "GOING PROFESSIONAL !" "ALRIGHT, GIVE 'EM HELL BOYS !" "IT'S A TIE GAME HERE IN COLORADO" "AS WE GET SET TO START THE FINAL PERIOD." "YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE, FOR THIS THIRD AND FINAL PERIOD" "THE DETROIT RED WINGS WILL BE PLAYING" "THE PARK COUNTY PEE WEE HOCKEY TEAM." "OH !" "OWW !" "OH !" "JESUS CHRIST !" "UGHNNN !" "STOP" " STOP THIS !" "LET THEM PLAY !" "LET THEM PLAY !" "LET THEM PLAY !" "LET THEM PLAY !" "LET THEM PLAY !" "LET THEM PLAY !" "UGH !" "UGHNN !" "HEY, CAN THEY DO THAT ?" "OW !" "NO !" "OHH !" "AGHHH !" "AHGHGH !" "* WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING 'TIL THE END *" "* WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS *" "* WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS *" "* NO TIME FOR-- *" "NOOO, NOT AGAIN, NOOOOOO !" "* 'CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS *" "* OF THE WORLD *" "I HATE YOU COACH..." "I HATE YOU..." "* WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS *" "* AND WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING 'TIL THE END *" "THANK YOU, DAD." "I'M PROUD OF YOU, BOY." "* WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS *" "* NO TIME FOR LOSERS *" "* 'CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS... *" "* OF THE WORLD **" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "NO HOPE..." "NO HOPE..." "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "RED WINGS !" "YEAH !" "Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL" "Captioned by Soundwriters*" "STAN MARSH WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN IT ALL." "THE BIG GAME, A DYING BOY'S HOPE." "ONLY PROBLEM IS..." "HE TIED." "AND NOW, HE'S ABOUT TO FIND OUT THAT TYING ISN'T THE SAME AS WINNING."