" The man zooming out of this tunnel is named Jean-Jacques." "Fortunately he's not superstitious." "He walks under ladders, opens umbrellas inside and ignores black cats crossing his path without thinking about it." "Just as well, as on this first Saturday in October, Jean-Jacques" "Is not going just anywhere." "He's going to 15b Bertholon Close, in the Paris 9th District." "Now, by a mysterious stroke of fate..." "if such exists...in order to get there, he has to go through St-Lazare, Opera, Gare du Nord and even Pigalle, and in doing so, traverses a living hell." "First Rue La Bruyere,... where a major writer died of a stroke..." "in a horrible way lonely, poor and abandoned." "Then Rue Lamartine, and another great French author died of apoplexy in a horrible way..." "...lonely, poor and abandoned." "Jean-Jacques turns into Rue Hippolyte Lebas, the architect of Petite Roquette prison, where the condemned awaited execution." "He rides back up Rue des Martyrs, which joins Rue Saint Georges," "The martyr whose skin was boiled off like a tomato, before being broken on the wheel, quartered and decapitated." "And it's true that arriving at Bertholon Close, named for a physician struck dead by lightning during one of his experiments," "Jean-Jacques may feel the route he has taken is a bad omen... and decide to turn back." "That would be a mistake, as he would miss the chance to discover this well-hidden side street where, hidden by plants maintained by the residents, this famous door of No.15 is nestled." "He wouldn't get to climb 5 floors, wiping his feet on the Turkish carpet, and so miss the family dinner, which will take place here." "At last...will someone open?" " Yes?" " Hello. 42.90 euros, please." " Pardon?" " Two Reginas and a Calzone." "14.50 for Regina?" "With truffles?" "" " No, ham and mushrooms." " And so it costs 14.50 euros?" "You realize we're talking about 95 francs?" " Oh..." " Whadda you think?" "..." "That I have gold plated taps?" " I dunno..." "We have three-four million unemployed in this country... 250 francs for three miserable pizzas is simply outrageous!" " Is there a problem?" " You know how much he's asking for a Regina ?" " Did you order the pizzas?" " No, why?" "Why did you answer the door." "Polo's going out." " It's not for you?" "It rang..." "I opened..." "I'm civilised." "I searched everywhere." "Your desk?" "I've checked." "Is he crazy or what?" "15 is next door." "This is 15B..." "Goodbye!" "Elisabeth Garaud-Larcher is a French-teacher at Vincennes." "Treasurer of the drama club, responsible for school shows." "she's an active member of the FSU trade union, whose motto she made her own:" "Secularism" " Justice" " Solidarity" "Thomas, are you writing to Molière?" "Fighting against academic failure," "Elisabeth never has time to change her cardigan, not on Monday, not on Tuesday or even Wednesday." "And she doesn't have a class on Friday." "Academic failure is not fatal for her." "Every day is a new battle." "Stop that now...both of you!" "What are you doing Mora?" "Both go to the principal's office, right now!" "." "Elisabeth has her doubts sometimes about working in the public service." "Valentine...cap off!" "In a disinterested world where egotism reigns supreme," "Elizabeth goes to the front." "He never comes to music." "He's an interesting kid." "Open your eyes..." "he's just a zero!" "No, he's made progress, Matthias." "His average has improved." "He averages 20%!" "But it WAS 10%!" "Are you changing or not?" "Who's been messing with my mess?" "Pierre Garaud is teacher of literature at the Sorbonne." "He specializes in the Renaissance and also has a devastating sense of humour." "It is as to differentiate between examples of an asyndeton and a parataxis..." "Isn't it, Mr Bertrand?" "Flamboyant in his forties, an idol to his students, Pierre wears his velvet jacket like a second skin." "Monday it's the brown he like's best," "Tuesday an almost inky blue-black, and Wednesday a tobacco brown that's harder to carry off." "The star author at Critical Milestones," "Pierre loves to meet his readers." "And, as in every start of the literary season, he wonders if he will reach the legendary heights of his record:" "527 copies sold... of 'Pyrrhonism and Montaignism', whose immense success scored him a trip to a Moscow conference." "Like his master in thought, Montaigne, Pierre is forever seeking the intangible... a never-ending search." "What are you doing there, Polo?" "Have you found them?" "What a mess!" "Despite their differences and weaknesses... which are equally likely..." "I've found your Savoyard bell." "Where the fuck...?" "Elisabeth and Pierre love each other on Monday, on Tuesday... and the rest of the week as well." "Shit!" "My couscous!" "You getting the 'phone?" "I'm sure it's for you." "I'm doing the cous cous!" "I'm sure it's for you." "Hi, Françoise." "Françoise, is Françoise Larchet, mother of Elisabeth and Vincent, a cheerful woman, with a taste for interior design." "A deep-voiced but talkative woman." "Absolutely incredible!" "pretty talkative..." "You simply must go there, Pierre." "very talkative in fact." "When she lost her husband, people worried." "but this Mitterrand supporter made a comeback... winning the admiration of the most sceptical." "Francoise left Paris and threw herself into a huge painting production." "It's here, in Castide, cultivating her garden in the heart of the Alpilles, that she has learned to appreciate happiness again." "I'll put her on..." "Love you..." "Babou, it's your mother!" "Will I put the chili in the sauce or separately?" "Does Anna eat spicy food?" "I dunno..." "She never eats anything." "How are you Mama?" "With your Seffa do you put the raisins in first?" "You oil the steamer well..." "But what about raisins, Mama?" "Not too early otherwise it swells, not too late otherwise it shrivels." "'Bye." "Love you!" "Ah!" "The Rosenthals there?" "How's it going with his hip?" "What about Suzie?" "And the dog?" "Shit!" "..." "Under the mower?" "!" "He buys German?" "He isn't bitter then." "It hasn't stopped them buying gifts for children." "The children are Myrtille, 12, and Apollin, 4." "Myrtille is slim, smart and sensitive." "An undefinable nostalgia makes her mysterious and arouses the admiration of her father." "Papa, doesn't Emma Bovary suffer from depression?" "Yes...totally." "Do you think Tom-Tom has a an œdipal relationship with Mrs Dubouchon?" "Completely." "Apollin love costumes, Playmobil and Amélie Mauresmo." "He was late with toilet-training which earned him an appointment with a famous child psychiatrist Elisabeth thought he was great, and Pierre hated him." "What a jerk!" "But..." "Mama..." "Yes, yes, yes." "Ah!" "Ah good?" "What are you doing?" "Trying to think of something else." "That releases the spirit, and it returns." "Can you do that setting the table?" "I was talking to Pierre, Mama." "They're dining with us." "They're coming with Claude." "No, you won't be a bother." "But I assure you..." "It is me who's suggesting you call." "I wouldn't suggest..." "Ok...'bye." "They're here..." "Mama!" "She is so afraid to bother us it bothers me." "That's your Mama." "Hi Pierre!" "How're things?" "I brought a rosé." "Babou's making a Moroccan buffet." " We'll do a 'Sidi-Brahim'toast." " Make that 'Boulaouane'." "'Sidi-Brahim' is Algerian wine, it's OAS wine, colonial wine." "Hmmm...that smells divine!" "Claude Gatignol, 1st trombone in the Radio France orchestra." "Libra, ascendant Libra." "Claude is the image of his star sign, always in a good mood." "For Claude, life is nothing but a sense of wonder." "Everyday details enchant him:" "the perfect temperature of his bath, the muffled sound of the iron on a silk shirt, or the intoxicating fragrance of a homemade clafouti." "A happy man with a sense of humour... so discreet it's hard to describe." " Coucou !" "Claude is not hot-tempered;" "he is not capricious;" "he is not dishonest;" "[i]he[\i] is not, in some way." "Look at me." "You've had highlights!" "You notice everything." "It really suits you!" "Thanks..." "Pierre hates it." "I do not!" "Elisabeth and Claude are friends since Mme Derveau's ballet class, where Claude was the only boy." "They've been inseparable ever since." "Spring, summer, autumn or winter, it's always the season their friendship is renewed." "His sensitivity makes Claude a man you turn to, for he has that rare quality of listening without judging, as if he reads you like a book." "What have you been playing?" "Bartók, piano concerto..." "What are you looking for?" "The cellar key." "Is it urgent?" "I like to know where things are." "What do I get if I find them?" "My eternal gratitude." "OK then..." "The kids?" "Asleep." "How was Marseilles?" "A bit of a surprise." "They offered me some work." "Down there?" "Has to be." "Their trombonist drowned." "You're not going there?" "Don't know...maybe." ""Maybe"?" "I don't know." "I'm thinking about it." "I'm against it." "Babou!" "It's so far away!" "No...it's not." "That's what you said about Toronto." "It's a lot less far." "Not as much as that." "3 hours on the express..." "like an outer suburb!" "The Ostrias moved to Bougival, and we don't see them anymore." "I'm not complaining." "Babou..." "I haven't decided anything ...alright?" "Marseilles is a friendly sort of place, and it'd be nice for Françoise." "Yes, hope so." "The same codes as for the last 10 years..." "have you forgotten?" "So we eat just without you." "Vincent." "Magnanimously I will provide a clue:" "The first code is Marignano." "Accurate." "The other is Austerlitz." "Austerlitz, Cher and Hautes-Alpes." "Cher the department, not the singer." "I feel sorry for you. 1805." "And here you have the irresistible the one and only Vincent Larchet." "Son of Françoise, brother of Elisabeth, best friend of Pierre, childhood friend of Claude." "Smei-professional tennis player, top golfer," "Vincent has a nice body especially in black lycra." "Leaving school with decent results, Vincent has become an agent." "An estate agent." "A formidable businessman, but extremely polite." "this symbol of elegance and modesty has always charged through life like a train in the night, a puma in the jungle, a rocket in space." "Always ready to take the plunge," "Vincent thought his life mapped out, until that famous Sunday" "August 15, when his destiny would be turned upside down." " I had right of way." " Typical men's remark!" " Vincent Larchet" " Anna Caravati" "They fell for each other." "Now she is expecting his child." "Vincent Larchet." "In brief - a modern-day hero..." "Get yourself a lift." "Greetings, peasant." "Cheval Blanc '85...!" "Wow!" "Thanks!" "Nothing...present from a client." "You need to decant it." "Of course." "I forgot it was fancy dress." "I forgot that you were so funny." "Take a cloth...you'll be serving." "Where's Fatso?" "In the kitchen." "Not the Moroccan buffet?" "!" "No..." "Where's the carafe?" "The same place for 10 years." "Aha!" "Cheval Blanc '85..." "Wow!" "Present from a client." "Kids?" "Sleeping." "8.40 on a Saturday!" "I was forgetting you don't know Austerlitz." "Friedland, Léna, OK." "But Austerlitz..." "Why would I learn the Metro stations?" "Is it risky parking down there?" "You might get a ticket." "They don't tow away?" "I don't think so." "You'd need a tank to move that." "Do you have a no-claims bonus for the people carrier?" "No." "Good, I scratched a car and I left your number." "You left my number?" "You don't care?" "No I'll enjoy dobbing you in." "I'm counting on you!" "All jokes aside, a 4-wheel drive's handy in central Paris, for Ste-Geneviève mountain and to ford la Bièvre." "It isn't really a 4x4, it's an SUV :" "Sport Utility Vehicle." "A 'cross-over'...if you prefer." "Too many English words!" "You've got a very nice place here." "I could get you 9000 a square metre." "Even without a lift." "You were saying it was an immigrant neighbourhood." "It used to be." "Before you lefties took over." "wYou invested here when it had good potential." "What are you up to?" "Can I play too?" "Looking for Pierre's basement keys." "What do you get if you find them?" "His eternal gratitude." "Well I'll look too!" "You read Russian?" "I'm starting again." "I'm brushing up my Italian." "I watch the games on Italian TV." "I don't get a kiss?" "I've been on a treasure hunt." "Anna's held up, with the Japanese." "I Like your hair." "You're sweet." "Pierre hates it." "Not at all!" "Wasn't Anna having her ultrasound scan today?" "Ugh..." "What is it?" "Why are you looking like that?" "Well...there's good news and bad." "What?" "The good news is that it's a boy, the bad is that it's dead." "It was just kidding." "It's a boy and he's fine!" "See, my son!" "That's not on!" "..." "It's just not funny!" "Just a joke!" "Let me see..." "Oh!" "Oh, oh, oh..." "My nephew!" "You've out-done yourself!" "So little and already so rich." "That was really off, wasn't it?" "You're an idiot!" "What?" "He leans to the right like his father!" "Did you call Françoise?" "I tried." "It was always busy." "I should call her about staying at her place." "She wants to know when you're coming." "I can't say." "8 months in advance..." "You two come whenever you like." "We'll be going with the kids from July 5 to 20, then Mama minds them until August 6," "Michel and Christelle will be there 8th-9th." "But you come whenever you want." "Between the 11th and 12th then!" "You can even come while we're there." "Of course!" "..." "But no." "You can change your mind..." "just let me know what you're doing." "the weekend of the 36th." "Vincent !" "Why the hell does it matter?" "She's there all the time." "She invites her friends too, She wants to organise it all." "She's got all winter for them." "And she will..." "The Rosenthals are coming September 1 and Hector on the 2nd." "I certainly know when I won't be coming." "Good..." "Are we waiting for Anna or not?" "Save her some cigarettes." "What!" "?" "...she's smoking?" "She's the only woman who started smoking during her pregnancy." "Prenatal stress" "It's not my business but that's bad for your son." "You can tell her yourself in a minute." "He'll be small!" "He can be a jockey." "We never knew the sex." "How to do it?" "We preferred to hang on to a bit of mystery." "I was afraid of leaping ahead and missing out on something." "The more precise an idea we have, the more we create our own fantasy that may not match with the child." "What does your shrink say?" "That man has been surprised by birth for millennia." "For your 3rd child, make Babou give birth in the woods...with a stick between her teeth!" "Seriously, is that what you tell your pupils?" "Dinner is served." "Out of the way, please!" "What are you bringing?" "Make that 'carrying' it's heavy!" "That's it!" "Move the books." "Careful with the books." "There we are." "Wait, let me explain..." "Can you get the pitta?" "And the pastry wraps with the parsley, pastilla, chakchouka, mechouia, aubergine caviar," "Zaalouk, some carrot salad..." "Hmm, this is yucky!" "You might say..."I don't like this."" "I say it's yucky!" "That's the hummus." "Eat up, I kept some for Anna." " OK." " Is there enough?" "Did you invite Claude's orchestra?" "She always makes double." "There was never enough, when we were little." "It was not exactly Biafra!" "He defends his dear mother." "That's right!" "Have you thought about some names?" "Yes." "We've even fixed on a particular one." "You gonna tell us?" "Guess." "No." "Yes you will." "Shouldn't we wait for Anna?" "That'll make her come." "Guess." "Not Henry..." "like Dad and Grandpa?" "No way." "Though," "I do see it's a classic name." "Matthew or Paul." "No, it's not an apostle." "Neither was Paul." "Wasn't Paul an apostle?" "Not one of the 12." "Was he a temp?" "Have to check his references" "It's a shame Rolex isn't a first name." "What a shame!" "What'll we start with...?" "Cheval Blanc or..." "Provence Fountain?" "Is it for drinking or washing your hands?" "Don't be mean to Claude." "He has a musical ear, he can't have everything." "that's nice." "Hmm..." "Christopher." "Less common." "Camille." "No, a boy." "It's for girls and boys." "In my mind it's boys and boys." "Well, there's Lancelot." "Thaddeus." "Caesar." "No." "Basil." " Hmm, no." "Igor." "Not so Russian." "Bartholomew." "Balthazar." "No." "No." "Give us a hint." "No." "Just a hint." "No." "OK, magnanimously I will give you a clue." "It starts with the letter 'A'." "Wait!" "..." " Alexander." " No." "Albert." "Arthur" "Alban." "Agnan." "Artémis." "No, a first name." "Aurélio." " Antonin." "We thought of Aurélio, but Aurélio Garaud...made too many 'O' sounds." "You were not wrong." "Hmm..." "This is superb." "At 500 a bottle... 500 what?" "Pesetas, you twit." "500 euros?" "It's not communion wine." "Otherwise I'd go more often." "Where were we up to?" " Aurélio." "Garaud..." "Right...we were wrong." "Never." "Um..." "Aymeric." "More common." "Antoine." "More original." "Albator." "Are you nuts?" "!" "Alphonse." "Ah...not...bad." "Yes !" "It's Alphonse?" "No." "But getting close." "Then, wait on..." "Alphonse, phonce, once..." "Nonce !" "Nonce ?" "It starts with an 'A'." "Annonce!" "That starts with an 'A'." "I'm going to get the seffa ready." "Wait for me, OK?" "It's not obvious." "Anicet." "Horrible!" "Non!" "I told you to wait for me." "Astérix?" "No, but that's not totally stupid." "It IS a literary reference." "Umm..." "Aramis." "No." "Arsène." "No." "A well-known reference?" "D'Artagnan." "Get out!" "Aragon." "That's not a name." "Anatole no." "No." "Alain." "Non." "Abbas." "Have you lost your marbles?" "Amphitryon!" "I dunno..." "You're all hopeless." "Has the cat got your tongue?" "Yes the tongue... with the rest of the meat." "So what is it?" " Adolphe." "Good joke!" "Straight up...what is it?" "Adolphe." "You're not going to call him Adolf?" "I am." "You're not going to call him Adolf?" "Yes I am." "You're going to call him Adolf?" "Yes..." "like the character in Benjamin Constant's novel." "You're not going to call your son Adolf..." "you can't be serious?" "Yes." "Alongside 'Julien Sorel', it's the best-known literary name." "The top romantic heroes, aren't they?" "You're not going to really do it..." "you're having us on!" "?" "Tell me it's a joke." "In bad taste...but a joke?" "You're not going to name your son after Hitler?" "Oh, of course not like Hitler..." "Hitler's 'Adolf' ends with an 'F'." "while my French 'Adolphe' ends in 'PHE'." "But it's the same." "'F' and 'PH', are the same?" "Don't your students, have to be able to spell?" "It sounds the same." "Adolf, Adolphe, sounds the same." "Pierre means that people won't hear 'Adol..phë'." "They'll hear" ""Adolf", you understand?" "Like in "elephant"." "I enjoy being spoken to as if I were retarded." "You must be retarded to not see why you shouldn't call your son Adolf." "If you stop shouting, I'll explain." "Otherwise we change the subject." "Vincent..." "Let him explain." "I was reading Adolphe, Benjamin Constant's novel, and so was Anna, when we met." "We adored that book, and its characters." "It became our book." "We said that our daughter would be called Ellinore." "And our son..." "This idiot is going to do it." "He's read one book...one book in his life, and he had to pick that one!" "I think you're the one who gave it to me." "When have you ever read anything I gave to you?" "It's Achille, I'm sure!" "What's going on?" "You told them?" "You told them when I wasn't here!" "It's Achille, eh?" "No, Babou, it's not Achille." "But you told them?" "i asked you to wait for me." "That's not the problem." "Easy for you to say!" "Your brother..." "No, it doesn't matter." "I don't want to know." "Listen, Babou..." "You didn't wait for me..." "too bad!" "You don't want to know?" "No." "Listen." "I'm not listening." "Stop it!" "Babou!" "That's enough!" "That's why Bedouins eat without their wives." "Adolphe, you hear?" "!" "Adolphe!" "What?" "He wants to call his son Adolphe Caravati-Larchet." "Ah...no!" "What then?" "Have you changed your mind?" "No, he'll just be called Larchet I'm not into this silly double-name fashion." "Our 'Garaud-Larchet' is silly?" "A bit...yes." "He wants to call his son Adolphe and he talks about 'silly'." "My name's Vincent Larchet." "Why should he be called Caravati-Larchet?" "In 3 generations, business cards will be enormous." "In Spain and Portugal..." "Fuck Portugal!" "His son will be named Adolf!" "Fuck what his surname will be!" "Why are you being so aggressive towards me?" "Your brother wants to name his son after the Führer, and it's me who's aggressive?" "Oh yeah?" "You really want to call your son Adolf?" "For the 40th time..." "I'm calling my son Adolphe, P-H-E." "You can't do it..." "Imagine at school...even when he's still little." "Stop carrying on!" "What will the teacher call him?" "By his first name!" "I wouldn't be able to." "As a teacher, I don't know, but as an Aunt," "I couldn't." "I couldn't say eh..." "A..." "Adol..." "Your snack's ready, Ad..." "Ad..." "You see..." "I can't get it out!" "Sorry..." "I'll have to call him something else." "What'll you call him?" "I don't know..." "I'll find him a nickname." "Little Man, for example." ""Your snack's ready Little Man."" "'Little Man'?" "We'd have to tell 'Little Man' that another little man invaded Poland." "Claude, it's not funny." "It is a bit..." "Babou, you'll call my son Adolphe, like the romantic hero of French literature." "And the greatest tyrant of all time." "Adolphe was Adolphe before Adolf." "But your Adolphe comes after the other one." "Look...he's lifting his arm in a Nazi salute!" "Do you think Adolf became Adolf because he was named Adolf?" "Come again?" "You think Adolf became Adolf..." "Maybe we could eat and talk about something else?" "No Babou, it's important." "Adolf Hitler didn't become THAT Adolf Hitler because he was named Adolf." "If he'd been Michel or Pepito, he would have been just as evil." "We would have said "Heil, Pepito" and I'd have no worries." "No doubt, but his Mama and Papa, who shared your taste, called him Adolf, not Pepito." "Adolphe isn't responsible for what Adolf did!" "We're talking about the death of millions of people." "He wasn't a bicycle thief, you piece of shit!" "Neither is my Adolphe!" "Don't you understand French?" "Try saying it in German!" "Stop screaming." "You will wake the children." "That's quite enough now." "I'm going to get some olives." "When I get back, we change the subject." "Nobody's touched the méchouia." "Vincent..." "For most people," ""Adolphe" doesn't exist, there's only Adolf..." "Adolf Hitler." "'Adolf' killed off 'Adolphe'." "Is what people think all that matters?" "Precisely." "Even if they're wrong?" "It's not something you can discuss." "It's just morally correct." "Our actions must be built on universal law." "And if I don't agree?" "You can read Constant, try Kant's 'The Metaphysics of Morals'." "Accordiong to Kant, he can be Starsky and Hutch, but not Adolf." "They didn't destroy half of Europe!" "The children." "The name stands for crimes against humanity." "You have no right to call your son that." "Are there authorised names..." "and forbidden names?" "Of course there are!" " OK, let's make a list." "Let's make the list." "Can I write here in Myrtille's exercise book?" "Wouldn't want to make the wrong choice again." "So I'm listening." "Well anything other than Adolf?" "Still?" "!" "We're after a new name." "Why not Joseph?" "It's classic and beautiful." "Not possible," "Joseph." "Joseph Stalin." "It's also Jesus' father, rather step-father, an honest carpenter, but Stalin came after." "So bye-bye Joseph." "Bye-bye, Benito." "Franco." "Augusto." "Bye-bye, Paul." "Paul?" "Pol Pot 3 million dead." "Khmers count too?" "It's written differently but it counts." "You'll need to re-christen your cat." "It's Polo." "Polo, Paul, we're going not to quibble." "I can use Adolpho?" "No." "End of Polo." "There's Pétain..." "so we kill off Philippe." "Saddam." "You're not much help." "Zero on your school certificate." "Vincent, listen to me." "Where do we draw the line for the dead?" "There are also serial killers..." "Jack the Ripper..." "Francis Heaulme, more contemporary, but effective." "You've made your point, Vincent." "Carlos, among the terrorists." "And Ben Laden." "So there's Ben." "So there's Benjamin." "For the cat and my son, ...there are so few authorised names." "I've got Bernard and Raoul." "Babou, in your honour, the cat was born before." "It's your son." "Do whatever you want." "No, I'm not doing what I want." "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "He's the father... he does what he wants." "But?" "If you name him after Hitler, you can tell the Rosenthals." "They didn't discuss their children's names with me!" "That's beside the point!" "That is the point!" "The Rosenthals are cultured... who'll know the difference between Adolf and Adolphe." "Stop fooling around." "Choose Adolphe." "At best it's being thoughtless, at worst being deliberately provocative." "You probably had the best of intentions, but now you know better." "This isn't just thoughtlessness." "Now you know what you're doing it's a deliberate act." "You can't swan around in Nazi uniform saying: " I adore fancy dress."" "If you persist in calling him Adolphe," "I will regard it as a fascist act..." "As a profession of faith." "There you are." "End of debate." "OK, you're absolutely right." "I can't call him Adolphe." "See, he isn't closed-minded." "You always say that he is." "I'm proud of you." "You want to wait for the tagine, or have it all together?" "I'd rather have it all together." "Very well." "And then we explain to Claude, why he'll not be moving to Marseilles." "Oh..." "Where are you going to live?" " No!" "you will bloody well wait for me!" "You're right, Pierre." "One should consider the feelings of other people." "You know what convinced me?" "The fancy dress." "A private act which, like it or not, becomes a public act." "Everything's politics." "Everything's on display." "Nothing's neutral." "Yes I agree." "So you're right." "The more I think about it the more I believe" "I'll call my son" "Adolf with an 'F'." "What?" "You've opened my eyes." "The fancy dress...that was the trigger." "Chaplin." "I was thinking of Chaplin and his moustache." "Who was the greatest anti-fascist artist?" "He denounced Hitler..." "using the way he looked." "I am sure, thanks to you, I'll call my son Adolf with an 'F'." "You're insane!" "I won't run like a coward." "I'm going to take a stand." "I'll stand in the road like the Chinese students in Tiananmen Square." "I'll say to Hitler : "You took Alsace, the Lorraine." "But not our names."" "You, with your simplistic attitude... you have to make a myth, an icon." "You almost deify him." "I deify Hitler ?" "Exactly." "If Picasso had called his son Adolf, that would more have personified the peace than 'Guernica'." "That's a load of codswallop!" "You convinced me." "Pick up on it." "Imagine, an ugly, badly dressed girl..." "a spokeswoman from a group from the extreme left." "The ones you vote for." "We're imagining." "Now imagine her name is..." "Marylin." "She'd besmirch the memory of that actress we all admire." "Explain to me why it won't work in reverse." "My son will damage fascism, tear Hitler's monopoly away from him, and knock him from the pedestal you put him on." "I do not know what more to say." "That's a load of rubbish." "Claude, what man do you hate the most?" "Hitler, I guess." "No, living." "I don't hate anybody." "Try... there must be someone who disgusts you somehow?" "You don't know him." "Who is it?" "The new administrator at Radio France, an upstart and a scumbag of the first order." "See...you CAN hate a little bit!" "Soon you'll be normal." "His name?" "François Chocard." "François Chocard." "Tell yourself it's a good name for an idiot." "But you aren't thinking of Francis of Assisi, or François Mitterrand, or François Mauriac." "or François Villon, or François the First." "No, Claude." "Nor Claude François." "So if François Chocard, by his simple idiocy, could...at Radio France... remove presidents, kings and our greatest writers, then Adolf Larchet will overthrow Hitler." "Adolf is dead, long live Adolf!" "What's going on here?" "Adolf won another battle." "Again?" "Thanks to François Chocard." "What's he talking about?" "Babou, you needed to be here!" "What about the dinner?" "You go off all the time!" "I take care of the shopping, the kids, the laundry... and then I'm sent packing." "I didn't mean that." "That's what you said." "Sit with us, it'll make us all happy." "And what if it makes me happy to serve the food hot?" "But Babou..." "Babou dear!" "Sweet little Babou..." "It's a sort of sex game between them." "I think she gives him a spanking." "You never stop, do you?" "Babou's been throwing tantrums since she was 8½ years old." "Sorry, sorry..." "it was all because of your brother." "Leave me alone..." "you are pissing me off" "No, shoo!" "Get out!" ""The lady smiles and says:"" ""You little fool."" "No Pierre, this is not the time for Mallarmé!" "You really got to me." "What about?" "Adolf." "Good for you..." "I'm serious." "I've have just noticed the book underneath the Buddha." "You misplaced it." "How he carried on..." "our graduate!" "Bloody hell!" "..." ""End of debate."" "You read it, at least?" "Not at all." "A bit of the cover..." "You won't give me away?" "I'm not going in a size contest for wee-wees." "Why, would you be afraid of losing?" "I won't lie...do what you want, but don't get me involved in your..." "It's terrible, that you can be Swiss." "Even Adolf respected Swiss neutrality." "One point to you." "Thank you." ""End of debate."" "So what is it?" "What?" "The name you've chosen." "Henri." "Same as your father?" "Yeah." "That'll make Françoise happy." "I hope so." "Take it easy on Babou, she's put her heart into this dinner." "Here come the lovebirds!" "Is Anna here?" "Yes, she didn't ring, she climbed up the wall." "It's more fun, at five months." "Never mind, she'll catch up." "Come on..." "let's eat!" "Apollin: "Why does Papa have hair on his breasts?"" "Good one!" "What can I pass you?" "Not the balls...that hurts!" "It's been a while!" "It's good to laugh." "All that carrying on is not worth it." "What IS worth it?" "Pierre..." "Let him answer, Babou." "What do you think is important enough, to be worth arguing about?" "We don't have to have a row at every dinner." "No, that's true." "You haven't answered." "What would you like to talk about?" "Isn't it boring just to be a spectator?" "So choose a subject, and we'll go along with it." "What are you laughing at?" "The fascism question bores you, doesn't it?" "No, but you didn't talk about fascism." "Oh really?" "What did we talk about then?" "We didn't speak about it seriously." "You all had your fun." "You played your roles just like kids do in their games." "We play roles?" "Playing at cops, or grocers." "You play with social issues like they were toy cars." "the Islamic headscarf, bicycle-sharing, strikes." "You've always done it." "You've talked about things 50 times, without believing what you say." "It's all a joke." "Our friend finds us amusing." "He's contemptuous but friendly." "This gentleman is above such things." "I am above your conversations but not above everything." "Switzerland awakes!" "Get down off your pedestal and talk with us." "Your pals." "Aristotle comes out of his cave." "That was Plato..." "about the cave." "Aristotle was there too, but he didn't come out." "Same period." "Aren't all philosophers from the period?" "We studied that in school." "That's why I got 20%." "On that...guess with who I had a drink with yesterday at 6 pm in the Café Beaubourg." "I had a kir with..." "You really drink kir?" "At Café Beaubourg!" "Guess who." "Not seen for a long time?" "An age." "What do we win?" "Apart from your eternal gratitude." "A bottle of champagne." "Dom Pérignon ?" "OK." " Antoine Flemmadon." " Oh...shit!" "How'd you guess?" "You're the type to drink kir with Antoine Flemmadon." "It's crazy that you guessed." "I gave him your number." "What?" "You're alike." "No way." "What about Pierre?" "For sure." "Right." "My darling..." "we're dying from starvation." "You've waited for me?" "Of course we've waited for you." "What's the door-code?" "Magnanimously I will provide a clue:" "The first is Marignano." "1515." "And?" "And Austerlitz." "OK." "See you." "She knows the date of the Battle of Austerlitz." "Why did she choose me?" "We all ask that." "Tell me... how did you find Flemmadon ?" "He contacted me on Facebook..." "I felt sorry for him." "Still has a blond mane?" " Still as hairy." " Did you see him bare-chested?" "Missed out on that!" "Are you having a nice evening?" "Huh?" "For your information Apollin's gone back to sleep." "Your "kiddy-shrink" said to let him cry." "Our "kiddy-shrink" said the father should be there!" "We don't need to discuss this right at this moment." "It doesn't have to be me who gets up!" "I'll go next time." "What's he like, this "kiddy-shrink"?" "Dear and dumb." "More dear... or more dumb?" "Good question." "She's closest." "Good evening!" "How're things?" "Sorry to be so late." "No problem..." "Oh...they're gorgeous!" "Wasn't too hard with 5 floors?" "I've been sitting down all day." "The hair suits you!" "Thanks..." "Pierre hates it." "Not at all!" "I see you've waited for me." "We Larchets are well brought up!" "They're beautiful..." "You shouldn't have." "You don't want them?" "We'll keep them!" "My husband's a scream this evening." "Oh, a scream!" "All well?" "You haven't put on a gram..." "What a figure!" "You never said that to me." "I did darling." "You put on 25 kilos." "I never put on 25 kilos!" "You've nearly lost it all." "That was 5 years ago." "But..." "You still looked great." "I never put on 25 kilos!" "Something smells delicious, Babou." "There are still plenty of briouats." "I've kept a plate aside for you." "Sit down." "Is Apollin 5?" "How's it all going?" "OK." "With the preparation of parades, it's pretty crazy." "How long will that go on?" "To the end of March..." "Then in June there's winter collection." "Why are you doing summer fashion in winter and vice versa?" "You prepare for the next season." "No one's wearing velvet jackets in August." "But who buys swimming briefs in March?" "The question is:" "who still calls them "swimming briefs" "What else would you call them?" "Suit." "A swimsuit." "Which is not necessarily swimming briefs." "Claude has always been a briefs man!" "Very briefs!" "Very, very briefs!" "Mr Briefs." "Yes I prefer briefs, but..." "No buts!" "I've never seen you in boxers, only briefs!" "Yes." "Sweetheart, have you ever seen Claude in anything but briefs?" "The standard of conversation has gone up." "I have to wear briefs with my orchestra outfit." "So it's because of your litle trombone!" "Babou, I'll never eat all that!" "You'll just have to make yourself..." "there are 2 of you now." "Ah...yes you're two..." "no matter who!" "Oh, Pierre." "Please don't start that again." "What's going on?" "Our friends aren't really appreciative of the name." "You told them?" "Yes." "He couldn't help it, he was so proud." "And...you liked it?" "No, Anna, they didn't like it." "We were surprised by it more than anything." "Yes, it was the surprise most of all." "Not for me." "Sorry, Anna...but for me, it was more displeasure me than surprise." "Well..." "I'm the one who is feeling sorry." "We thought the connection would make you all happy." "The connection?" "It's the connection that upset us Anna." "Anna, it's the connection." "You're not talking about the same thing." "Anna understands what I want to say." "I think so." "What's harder to understand, is your reaction." "I'm surprised too." "That Vincent should have such an idea is one thing, but you as well... that's beyond me." "It was me who suggested it." "It's true." "Do you realise who we're talking about, and what he's done?" "What he's done?" "I don't know..." "I've never met him." "Never met..." "Can she hear herself" "Can she hear herself?" "Pierre !" ""She" is over here, so say it to "her" face." "My poor girl..." "you're completely mad!" "What did you say?" "That's enough." "This is going to finish badly." "Listen now, Pierre." "This is what happened." "Who are you to speak to me like that?" "He didn't mean it." "He teaches French." "He knows what he said." "Right!" "I know the meaning of words and their importance!" "Go fuck yourself!" "No." "I'll call my son what I want." "Not exactly!" "This coming from a father who calls his kids" "Apollin and Myrtille?" "Hey?" " Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop." "It was a joke." "Sweetheart, I convinced them... that we decided to call our son..." "Adolphe." "It was stupid!" "Funny...but stupid." "But very funny all the same!" "But it was funny wasn't it?" "OK..." "Pierre got a bit carried away." "We're gonna call our son Henri, after Papa and Grandpa." "Anna was talking about the connection to Papa." "Let's all calmly sit down again..." "We stuff ourselves with falafels, and pita, and chakchouka and we all hug each other." "Eat up sweetheart..." "Shut up!" "OK, it was stupid, very stupid." "Really." "I'm an idiot and I'm sorry." "Anna, forgive me." "Pierre, forgive me." "I beg all your forgiveness..." "OK?" "I feel I've wrecked the party." "You could play us something with feeling." "OK..." "Babou, help me...pretty please!" "I can't go on..." "Anyone for mint tea?" "Me." "Pierre ?" "You saying nothing as usual... you letting this pass?" "Letting what pass?" "That we're supposed to think our children have silly names." "Not at all...it was a joke." "I came across Adolphe among your books there." "You saw The Brothers Karamazov, and chose neither Ivan, nor Dimitri." "That wouldn't have been as funny." "I'll die laughing." "Pierre, he apologized." "Anna didn't." "then carry on calling me" ""my poor girl", if you want." "Sweetheart please...." "Pierre, nobody thinks your kids names are silly." "She said she wouldn't be told about names by the father of kids called Apollin and Myrtille." "She was upset." "What does that sentence mean?" "That she's old enough to make up her own mind." "I did understand..." "It's the purpose that puzzles me." "What?" "Seems clear to me." "He wants to know what I think of those first names." "Exactly." "She thinks they're fine." "Really?" "Really." "She thinks Apollin and Myrtille, are very cute." "I was wondering if you would do it and you did it." "Did what?" "Your grimace." "What grimace?" "The grimace on your face when you're pretending to say yes, when it's no." " You're talking rubbish" " You're doing it now." "Stop, Pierre!" "Now!" "Stop !" "I strung you along, I upset you, but we can move on." "Listen..." "Darling, how did it go with the Japanese?" "I don't know darling..." "I was seeing some Koreans." "Darling how did it go with the Koreans?" "Are you interested?" "Sure." "You don't usually ask any questions." "See how you react when I do!" "Sure your work interests me." "Good." "What's the name of my partner?" "Well...it's..." "What's-his-name..." "The one who upset you recently..." "you know!" "Oh yes..." "I know!" "Me too!" "Even I do!" "Me too..." "I know it...weird name..." "I have it on the tip of my tongue." "There...you see you've done it again." "What?" "Your grimace." "Stop shitting me..." "Show me." "I dunno..." "like with:" ""I have it on the tip of my tongue"" "I look like that?" "Do I honestly look like that?" "You see?" "You don't look like that... but you do have a grimace!" "You getting into this?" "Sorry, Vincent, you do have a grimace." "A sort of little pout." "Yes...a little pout." "And how do I make a little pout?" "A bit like this." "That's it!" ""Say..." "your new hairdo looks nice!"" "Exactly it!" ""Is that your Renault "" ""down there ?"" ""those 'Scénics' are classy."" "Right on!" ""Top class."" ""We find Apollin and Myrtille, very cute."" "Exactly!" "I don't do that." "I swear you do!" "Looks like a duck." "No...a hen's arse." "More of a hen's arse." "I have a mouth like a hen's arse?" "A bit." "That something to laugh about?" "If it makes you all happy." "There!" "There!" "There!" ""If it makes you all happy..."" ""If it makes you all happy...!"" "If my grimace lets you wind me up I'll keep on doing it." "Don't be upset..." "you asked for it." "Babou..." "leave it." "You don't want to do theatre?" "I do a bit with my 3rd year class." "They're lucky..." "you have a gift for observation." "The little grin, it's him completely, eh...?" "So..." "So what now?" "'Apollin' and 'Myrtille' are silly names?" "Not you too, leave me alone." "I don't understand." "Stop playing dumb." "You know they're not normal names." "'Apollin et Myrtille'." "Sounds like a song by Bobby Lapointe." "My daughter, your niece, your goddaughter, has an abnormal name?" "What's normal Vincent Larchet?" "I meant classic." "If you prefer: not original." "I prefer original to abnormal." "Word games." "Tell me...do you think 'Adolf' is normal or original?" "It's a name that exists." "Apollin and Myrtille do too, because that's what they're called." "Enough of Apollo and Myrtille." "It's Apollin, not Apollo!" "No chance of a mistake there." "Excuse me...?" "He looks like you." "My son is ugly?" "He's neither handsome nor ugly..." "he's 4 years old." "He's got a ridiculous first name and he's ugly." "It's not him who's ridiculous..." "it's his father...you." "Yes, I find it ridiculous to stick on the mother's name in the name of 'equality'." "I find non-existent first-names ridiculous." "This exaggerated originality." "Like Post-its on their foreheads!" ""Don't ever forget we're different."" ""Please don't imagine I'm classic."" ""Here's a family of left-wing intellectuals who get the TV magazine" ""but don't have TV" That's ridiculous." "Henri Larchet, you can already smell the 4x4 and the tabloids." "But I don't care about my image!" "I don't give a damn what people think of me." "But you, you're obsessed by the image you project, and worse... you're obsessed with the children's image." "Original?" "...you're a snob...just a snob!" "Me obsessed with my image?" "That's the funniest thing you've said." "I'll die laughing." "Desserts!" "I hope you're hungry." "Yummy!" "..." "Turkish delight...!" "It's incredible you could say that." "You who are the quintessence... the highest concentration of pure distilled egotism." "Me?" "Oh..." "Pierre!" "Me egotistic?" "You're not an egotist..." "you're egotism itself!" "I thought I had a dozen or so faults, but that..." "Minimum of a dozen!" "I find Vincent rather generous." "Thank you" "Babou thinks that because your egotism isn't immediately obvious." "Thanks very much!" "You don't think:" ""What an egotist!"..." "It's much more subtle." "You don't see it right away, but it's certainly there." "Understand?" "No." "Your ivory towers are far too high above me." "But you understand." "You're much more intelligent than you seem." "Thanks." "Explain to me how I'm an egotist..." "Or rather how I am egotism itself." "Vincent !" "This interests everyone!" "No!" "You're absolutely obsessed by yourself." "Every sentence starts with "I", you can't bear not to be the centre of attention." "Of everyone I've known in my life, you are the one who is the embodiment of egotism." "And I've always been like that?" "Maybe not, but that's the way it is right now." "When?" "When what?" "Just when did it start?" "Stop it for heaven's sake!" "This is unbearable!" "So?" "When?" "Claude, say something!" "So...when?" "Thank you very much Claude." "It started with Moka." "Moka?" "Moka, the dog." "Bibiche's dog." "Who?" "Bibiche." "Béatrice, Papa's sister." "That blonde who played cards and married the banker... that guy with hairy hands." "Bibiche's dog." "You know what I'm talking about." "No." "Bibiche had a poodle a disgusting bundle of fluff that she treated like a child." "She was always kissing it." "She even put perfume on it." "She would spray it with Shalimar..." "It was a very hot day." "One summer." "The grown-ups were taking a siesta," "Vincent and I were bored to death." "How old were you?" "11 or 12." "We were 13." "Memory coming back?" "Bibiche had told us that" "Moka was afraid of water." "Absolutely terrified" "Like a cat." "It was a stupid dog!" "You remember?" "Yeah!" "It was the stupidest dog on earth!" "There was a pond there, where we threw stones at water lilies when Moka came to rub itself on my leg." "Pierre's not into dogs." "I had an idea..." "I said to Vincent:" ""What if I throw the dog into the water?"" "To see what happens..." "for a laugh...we were 13." "Vincent wasn't keen..." "he thought it was a stupid idea." "Wasn't it a stupid idea?" "Very stupid!" "Pierre really hates dogs." "I gave a kick the dog, and he flew into the pond." "What?" "He sank like a stone..." "A few bubbles...nothing more!" "No?" "It's you who killed Moka?" "Yes, it's me who killed Moka." "That's horrible!" "No, it's not horrible..." "it's just stupid." "It's horrible that Vincent gives himself up in my place." "Sorry for having saved your hide!" "You see how it is?" "At 13 he was the same." "He tricked me." "It wasn't out of friendship, do you know what it was?" "I don't know." "He stole my status as a murderer!" "He wouldn't even let me have that." "Do you know why?" "I don't know." "To forge his legend." "I drowned that poor mutt, but it was him who went to Bibiche, and said with incredible aplomb:" ""Bibiche, I've killed Moka."" "Quick, get a video-camera, we should record this." "You were Don Quixote and I was Sancho Panza." "You remember the thrashing I copped?" "Everybody remembers that, Vincent..." "and that was the goal." "Just like Adolf." "So we'd all remember it," "To create a permanent impression." "The height of egotism." "All this because I didn't share a spanking?" " "Egocentric, egotistal, self-centred, narcissistic." ""Only cares about his own interests." ""Who recognises no other truth than that of his own existence."" "You are the definition of the word "egoist", Vincent." "Take a look at S." "S." "As in "skinflint"." "What?" "You have my word..." "I'll look for yours." ""Skinflint"?" "That all you can come up with?" "I'd say it came to me, rather quickly in fact." "So that's it...one set all." "Draw." "How about a break in the cockfight?" "There's no draw in tennis." "What?" "You said:" ""1 set all, draw." You can't say that." "You're a pain when you try." "A real pain actually, when it comes to French." "You "know the meaning of words and their importance!"" "That's the way I am." "I was stalling." "If you want to get back in the arena, pull up your socks and get a move on." "Get to it...you big skinflint!" "Stop that!" "Pierre isn't a big skinflint." "No...he's stingy," ""niggardly, miserly..." "having a problem with money."" "You're generous because you offered an iPod to Myrtille for her 4th birthday?" "Sorry I don't have your dough!" "I doubt that pile of sticks bankrupted you." "It was a game of pick-up-sticks, you moron!" "If you had my money, you wouldn't change." "Because I don't spoil my children?" "Because you won't spend a penny!" "You clutch your purse, your little purse, so tightly that the coins can never get out." "You're a penny-pincher!" "The penny-pincher was happy to have invited YOU!" "Your wife invited us." "Pierre isn't a complete skinflint." "He's like someone who... who... when, when... wait!" "..." "when, when there's a... he..." "I can't find the word, but..." "He's someone who..." "Who what?" "..." "Who's a big spender?" "What does the Swiss have to say?" "Well, I..." "Because" "You're one of them?" "You think I'm a skinflint?" "Let's say you're somebody who's careful." "That's it exactly...he's careful!" "Translated from the swiss "You're a penny-pincher"" "Think about it." "That's good...that's good, Claude." "I'm happy to see that thanks to me you two agreed on something." "Now, with this closeness, this relationship based on frankness..." "Claude should get to know his nickname." "No, Pierre!" "That's enough now!" "You're monopolising this dinner." "She's right." "Is that our business?" "She's right." "Have you congratulated Babou on her dinner?" "Of course." "No." "Oh, yes." " Ah yes?" "..." "When?" "When you were in the kitchen." "Oh...of course." "What is my nickname?" "Don't go there, Claude!" "Both of you leave it alone." "I'd like to know." "No you wouldn't." "What harm can it do?" "That's right." "I'd like to know..." "Can't you just trust us?" "Just stop it now!" "You're better than these two morons." "So, Vincent?" "I forbid you," "Vincent." "You forbid him?" "Stop it, Claude!" "For fuck's sake..." "I want to know!" ""The Plum"" " Pierre!" "What?" "Bravo, Pierre!" "...really smart!" "They call you "La Prune", that's it." ""The Plum"?" "Like you call a parking ticket?" "The Reine-Claude plum." "Reine Claude?" "I don't get it." "Stop playing dumb..." "you understand." "It doesn't bother us..." "we love you as you are." "But what are you talking about?" "A 'Reine Claude'." "You don't get it?" "I really don't get it." "A Reine." "A 'queen'." "A poof." "A bender...a queer, if you prefer." "Get it?" "You think I'm homosexual, is that it?" "You know, Claude," "I feel better since I came out about Moka." "Sorry...but I'm not the least homosexual." "Then you're the only one who doesn't know it!" "Didn't you understand what I just said?" "You can tell us!" "He might not want to?" "It's his life, after all." "If I was I'd tell you, there's no shame..." "But I'm not." "I'm not going to..." "You're single, you're a musician, you live in the Marais, you wear orange." "Who wears orange this side of Guantanamo?" "You make fruit tarts, you drink kir, you get manicures, you listen to Étienne Daho." "Étienne Daho...goddamn..." "Claude..." "Then you burn incense in your place." "It's just papier Armenien, it's air freshener." "It's still perfume." "So?" "When you don't eat meat you're a vegetarian." "When you ride a bicycle, you're a cyclist." "It's common sense." "You're all talking nonsense." "I'm dumbstruck by your clichés... and incredible stupidity." "Wearing an orange shirt means I like boys?" "I also like Visconti and" "Cary Grant, but you left them out." "We're not judging you." "It's obvious." "Well...we were obviously wrong..." "we're sorry." "That's enough, Vincent." "Sorry..." "I wasn't aware he liked girls." "So...you like girls, then?" "I love one of them actually." "What?" "You've met somebody" "Yes." "You're together...really?" "Yes, Babou." "What's she like?" "Big?" "Small?" "Blonde?" "Busty?" "Bald?" "Tattooed?" "...tell us!" "You're being a pain Vincent!" "We have a right to know..." "tell us!" "I've no wish to talk to you about it tonight." "Why?" "You criticise me for playing games in conversation, then you hide when it gets serious." "Claudio, I don't know if you're AC or DC but you're a coward." "You wanna know something?" "Stop Claude, don't let him drag you into his games." "What game?" "We've known each other for 30 years." "We know nothing about him, he says nothing." "Could be a law clerk." "Go on then..." "ask your questions!" "There's really a girl?" "Yes." "How long?" "Several years." "You've had someone for several years and you've never mentioned her to me?" "What's she like?" "Lovely." "But stop, Claude!" "Stop...not that way." "Why don't you want him to speak?" "Because Babou..." "He doesn't have be accountable to us." "But...wait, Anna..." "You know her?" "Yes, Anna knows her." "We know her, too?" "Yes." "It's not Antoine Flemmadon, perchance?" "!" "No it's not Antoine Flemmadon." "You know her better." "What do you mean better?" "Much better.Maybe better than anyone else." "Better than anyone else?" "That's enough Claude, tell them the truth," "you have gone too far." "It's not true..." "Tell them." "It's not true?" "It's not true?" "Claude!" "Tell them...or I'll tell them." "I'm going to tell them." "Wait!" "You shut up." "What's he going to tell us?" "I didn't want it to happen like this" "It can't be true?" "You haven't done that?" "I haven't done what?" "Well, you two there." "Are you a total moron?" "Vincent !" "For sure?" "Obviously it's sure." "What were you thinking?" "Not that, Vincent..." "Not that at all!" "Fucking hell!" "..." "I was scared!" "Because..." "I really thought...shit!" "Me too." "Not at all!" "You're all stupid, eh." "You're mad," "I'd never do that." "So who are you with then?" "I'm with... with Françoise." "Françoise...who?" "Françoise... your mother." "What about her mother?" "I'm with Françoise..." "Vincent." "Who is Françoise Vincent?" "No!" "..." "Françoise...my mother!" "In what way are you are with Mama?" "Well...ah..." "We're together." "Whaaat!" "?" " Vincent, I..." " Shhh." "Bloody hell!" "I thought we were close." "We're close, Babou." "You don't trust me." "You didn't tell me." "But I trust you" "Not as much as Anna, apparently." "That's nothing to do with it." "When did you find out?" "This is your family business..." "I don't want to get involved." " When did you find out?" " Vincent." "Say my name again and I'll stick your trombone up your arse." "When did you find out?" "I understand that you feel wounded or betrayed, but nobody wanted..." "Don't play the social-worker." "When did you find out?" "That's between your mother and her friend." "It's difficult to accept, but it wasn't for me to talk about it." "She's right." "It wasn't up to her..." "it was up to you." "Your mother didn't think that you'd understand." "That's not the point." "There could've been somebody else..." "that would've been the same." "But he's sleeping with Mama!" "Stop it with Mama..." "Mama..." "Mama." "Grow up a bit." "You're not 8 years old." "Your mother loves another man..." "so what?" "Papa shouldn't have smoked 2 packs a day." "Claude and I have been friends for 30 years." "There hasn't been a day without talking, seeing or writing to each other." "Not one." "All those nights spent talking." "How could you?" "How?" "Babou..." "Try to understand, it wasn't meant at you." "It was his secret, that's all." "He needed some time." "It takes two to make a secret." "I'm saying to Claude..." "I would've liked being that person, as I never hid anything from him." "Nobody tells everything...nobody." "Everybody has secrets, unshared moments, hidden pieces of life." "He knew everything, good and bad." "I told him about the pregnancies, problems with the children, the tears... everything." "Even your little problems." "What?" "You're crazy?" "It's..." "It's what...it's intimate?" "It's private?" "It's personal?" "What use are friends, if you can't talk to them and really count on them?" "I wanted to tell you a thousand times, but I couldn't." "Why did you tell Anna?" "Babou, he didn't say anything..." "nobody said anything." "I just knew." "How did you know?" "Have you become a medium now?" "No one told me a secret." "Anna caught us in the swimming pool at Castide." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "I was afraid you wouldn't understand a love between Françoise and me." "Françoise is..." "Stop!" "You're talking about my mother." "The one who welcomed you to Castide when you were little..." "who made your Nutella sandwiches, who bought you 'Famous Five' books." "Mama, the wife of Henri...my father." "Stop torturing yourself." "I'll torture myself if I want to." "You don't understand." "What?" "Papa loved you so much, Claude this, Claude that, and always ready to defend you." "That's what kills me the most." "You disgust me." "Vincent...calm down, or get out." "I'll get out." "No...you calm down and stay!" "You wanted him to talk and we're going to listen." "Vincent?" "Vincent !" "There's not a day when I don't think of your father" "I'll never forget the first time met your parents." "In the apartment on Rue Monge before Christmas." "Your father was up a stepladder decorating a huge Christmas tree." "Or trying to." "It was a complete mess." "And Françoise was laughing." "There was an incredible closeness between them." "Truly magical." "Something I had never seen." "This day, your parents welcomed me." "You all welcomed me." "Babou became my best friend." "An extension of myself." "Vincent...you protected me." "You were always making fun of me, you kept me at a distance but you did it like a brother." "Françoise got me into music." "She always supported me, and allowed me to become somebody." "It all changed after Henri died." "It all came to the surface." "I understood that I loved a woman that I had no right to love." "I decided not to see her any more..." "for your sake." "I had to forget her." "So..." "To get away, I accepted all the tours, and I left." "For Canada." "I was fleeing." "Françoise believed that Henri's death had taken me away from her... that she didn't matter anymore, that I'd swept all that away." "It was quite the opposite." "I really tried to forget her, to chase her away, out of my thoughts, but within months I started to fall to pieces." "I couldn't play." "I went back to Paris." "I was going mad." "One evening, in the middle of a concert," "in the middle of the orchestra pit my hands began trembling." "I cracked." "I took the car and drove non-stop to Castide." "I had to see her..." "I had to speak to her" "I couldn't keep it to myself any longer." "I arrived at dawn." "The house was fog-bound, you couldn't see 2 metres." "There was a rattling noise, of a gate." "And Françoise appeared." "She didn't look surprised." "She beckoned me as if she was expecting me." "As if she'd always been waiting for me." "We stayed there, in the cold, for maybe a minute..." "standing face to face." "I was drained, exhausted, but..." "I felt fine." "I was where I was supposed to be." "Do you understand?" "Can you understand what I felt?" "It was right in front of us, it was so simple." "The proof was there." "It started to rain." "There were drops on her face that streamed like tears." "Then there were real tears..." "It was beautiful." "Then Françoise took my hand, and said:" "Come in." ""Come in"" "I want you." "I want you." "Shut up!" "Vincent, are you sick in the head?" "!" "Claude..." "let me see." "You've broke a bit off your tooth." "Terrific." "Really...thanks." "You'll get a visit from the Tooth Fairy!" "What's up?" "Uncle Claude just tripped over the tablecloth." "You made a lot of noise." "Put some earplugs in!" "Have you calmed down?" "Do you realise what you've just done?" "Can you see the state you're in?" "That's not gonna calm me down!" "Sorry...best to say nothing." "Good." "Look at what you've done!" "It's OK Anna..." "it's nothing." "He smashed your face in..." "don't defend him!" "That isn't on." "He needs to apologise." "You need to give a real apology." "Oh yeah...or what?" "Or what?" "Don't start playing that game." "Be careful Vincent." "He started it." "I must be dreaming!" "Can you hear yourself?" "You don't talk like that!" "This is not the man I love!" "Oh !" "You understand that?" "That I love you." "Well for the last hour..." "I've been trying not to hate you." "And it's hard." "Do you prefer me when I am egotistical and childish?" "Am I really pregnant by you!" "?" "That's what you told me." "What?" "I don't know, maybe you have... some more revelations." "I've never lied to you about us." "Never!" "How can I know?" "Like St. Thomas, I'll believe what I see." "If you go on like that..." "It's your son..." "that you won't get to see." "You're talking nonsense." "Excuse me?" "That makes you laugh?" "What do you want..." "That I beg forgiveness?" "Yes." " OK." "Claude, sorry about your nose, even though you deserved it." "Sorry you took it so badly, but I didn't need your permission." "Françoise and I were both well aware... that we are adults." "Especially her." "Vincent." "They're 30 years part -26." "Now I understand why Françoise never said anything." "You discussed it with her?" "Lots of times." "I told her to trust that you'd understand." "I was wrong..." "look at you!" "If you could stop yelling!" "..." "The children have gone to bed, and I would like to do the same." "I'll put her on." "Babou, your mother." "Hi, Mama." "Well, er...really, really great." "The atmosphere was good." "The dinner was good." "I used your recipe." "Everyone stuffed themselves." "There's not a crumb left." "The raisins didn't swell or shrivel... but they are a little crushed..." "seeing as they're on the carpet." "Ah...why?" "That'd take a long time to explain." "Vincent said he wanted to name his son after Hitler, the dictator." "Then he and Anna, who arrived an hour late, assured us they found that our kids names were silly." "That's nothing compared to the murder of Moka." "Moka, Mama," "Bibiche's dog." "That's it." "Ah, I forgot." "Your son my dear, who can't stand the Rosenthals or Uncle Hector, is thinking of coming the weekend of the 36th." "But now that he's broken your lover's nose, he may have changed his mind." "Claude of course, Mama." "Why, are there others?" "I'll put him on." "It's Mama." "Yes?" "Right." "Ah...well...er...yes and no." "Probably not, actually." "Well..." "listen..." "I'll call you back, as..." "That's it...right." "Me too!" "Françoise is coming to Paris tomorrow." "She doesn't come so quickly for her grandchildren." "Babou, you should really call her back and apologise." "Apologise?" "You want me to apologise to my mother?" "..." "You!" "?" "Listen, Babou..." "Who's going to apologise to me...eh?" "Who's going to apologise to me?" "Are you going to apologise to me, Pierre?" "But, I..." "What's with the bewildered look?" "Am I crazy?" "Or is it the body language that you don't understand?" "You think you'll clear yourself with those round eyes?" "That people will say: "That poor guy with his hysterical wife!"" "You should see your face!" "You have the same expression as my pupils when they're cheating." "The grammar book is resting on their knee... or the equation is written on their hand." "But they say: "I don't know what you're talking about, Madame."" "What do you want me to say to you?" "You don't understand?" "Nothing's getting through to you?" "You could admit that I gave up my doctorate, so that you... could complete yours!" "'Sir' spent his time on Montaigne but who marked the homework, who prepared his lessons?" "With my maternity leave," "I had the time." "Ah, the children." "Well, then, we'll talk about the children." "Who begged me to have them, because "there's nothing more beautiful"?" "But you're never look after them." "Wait, I'm being mean, you'll give them 15 minutes, on Sunday evenings!" "You get them worked up by playing the clown, just before they go to bed!" "Then, you dump them in my arms, overexcited, sweaty," "With school bags to be prepared, stories, security blankets, wee-wees..." "You lock yourself in your study, the brats have had their 5 minutes." "I'd like to have the time to read now and again." "Well...no." "She can't, Babou." "She doesn't have time, Baboukins." "Where does it get me?" "You've never taken me to one of your seminars!" "The truth is Pierre, you're a bit ashamed of me" "My average job, in an average school in and average suburb, such a wife doesn't reflect too well on you, especially with a fat, 25 kilo arse from her pregnancy!" "Who's going to apologise to me!" "?" "Who's going to apologise!" "?" "Obviously not you, Pierre!" "You, Claude," "I'm not talking to you because you know everything even if the opposite isn't true." "As for you, Anna..." "I've nothing to say to you either... we've never had much to say to each other." "And you, Vincent." "Are you going to say the words I'm waiting for?" "Will you admit that you got away with everything?" "Mama's boy, Papa's clown... who was allowed to fail his exams, to leave the table without permission, to stay out all night..." "Vincent's such a character." "Girls are crazy about him, it must be hard being a playboy." "The little darling shouldn't tire himself out clearing the table." "Your sister will do it." "Don't you worry, my big bubba!" "She doesn't mind." "Your clumsy sister enjoys being your maid." "Don't you worry little Vinci-kins!" "Do all the stupid things you want... it's already forgiven." "So, Vincent?" "Has the penny dropped?" "Yes?" "No?" "No apology on the horizon?" "Perfect." "That's fine." "We're all even." "It's a non-apology-night." "I'll take my bitterness, my sadness and my resentment and we'll go to bed." "Leaving you all to wash up for once." "Pierre, you're on the couch, stay there." "Look after the children." "I'm going to take a box of Temesta and sleep for 2 days." "You can all go fuck yourselves and good night." "I just wanted to make a joke." "Well..." "I'll go." "Yeah." "Sure you're OK?" "Terrific." "I'll take you home." "I'll drive your car..." "Vincent, you take a taxi." "Sorry?" "That a problem for you?" "See you tomorrow if you've calmed down." "Otherwise don't bother." "I must be imagining things." "Vincent." "Didn't you hear her?" "She wants to have the kid alone, That'll be a laugh." "Some rosé ?" "Yeah." "What do all those women see in that guy?" "Dunno." "Musician?" "Trombonist..." "Honestly," "How can anyone play the trombone?" "It's a brass band instrument" "Yuk!" "...this is disgusting." "What a dreary wine, just like him" "Has he ever said anything funny?" "No." "Step-fathers are often like that!" "Fucking hell...!" "When I think of Mama lumbered with The Plum." "If you're lucky, they won't have children." "I'm going to see Babou." "Stay for a bit, eh?" "A hotel for me!" "Don't be silly..." "You'll help me tidy up." "You know how to persuade me!" "It's a comfy sofa." "You sleep there often?" "It happens." "No!" "What?" "Ah, brilliant." "Thanks." "Your eternal gratitude?" "I'll lend it to you." "I'm a skinflint don't forget." "You've got semolina there." "Whose fault is that?" "Sorry about the table." "So what." "It's only wood." "You could make a new game of pick up sticks." "There you are." "Good night, Sancho." "Good night, you jerk." "Did you know that Gary Grant was homosexual ?" "Yes." "But he is called Cary, Cary Grant." "With a C. Like cari-bou." "Good night savage." "Sancho ?" "What now?" "I'd like to tell you..." "You know we have all had..." "our little problems." "That night, my skull heavy with fine wine and cheap plonk, my back wrecked from Pierre's terrible sofa, trying to read the first pages of Benjamin Constant's novel," "I had no doubt that our family had reached a point of no return." "Life resumed its course, and when 4 months and 6 days later, Anna's water broke during a crucial board meeting with the Koreans..." "Sorry, I must go." "Babou, Pierre, Mama and Claude rushed to the hospital to meet our son." "Come on...push." "Go on...breath." "Scissors." "Quickly." "What's going on?" "Don't worry." "Is there a problem?" "No, everything's going fine." "Don't worry..." "Your daughter's very beautiful." "We'll just clean her up and bring her in to you." "Goddamn..." "Pass my cordial congratulations to the health service..." "You had 12 years of studies and you can't tell the difference?" "After thinking of the hassle of repainting the room in pink and of replacing everything else" "We were struck by something..." "What are we going to call her?" "this little marvel?" "Goddamn!" "You've got a couple of minutes." "I'll come back." "We had no first name." "We were at a loss, stuck like never before, when Anna had an idea." "The good idea." "The one that was needed." "My child's mother is something else!" "The good news is the baby's fine." "The bad news is that it's a girl." "But she's beautiful!" " You are so stupid," " That's unbelievable." "You had me terrified!" "She's gorgeous!" "What's she weigh?" "3.1 kilos." "What are you going to call her?" "Plum." "Not really...?" "No." "In fact," "Her name's Françoise." "You never stop, Vincent!" "Mama hugged me, Babou cried, Pierre cried out with joy," "Claude said to me, taking my hand:" ""That's a terrific idea."" "And there on the face of my old friend and new father-in-law I thought I saw a grimace." "Maybe not a grimace." "Perhaps..." "A little pout."