"Of course, we could always fly off somewhere, do it on a beach." "You in your bikini." "If it's good enough for Pamela Anderson..." "Hey, dolly daydream." "Are you in the room or what?" "What?" "I was just wondering what you thought of my Planet Of The Apes-themed wedding." "You are joking?" "Yeah, I am." "I thought you'd be in your element here." "You can have any blow-out do that you want as long as you don't suggest a foam party or something." "You should totally do that." "As long as you do it in the church, obvs." "God won't want to miss your big day." "Jesus and a foam party?" "I think that's a mash-up too far, kid." "Tell you what, why don't we get a takeout later and go over ideas?" "Yeah, if you like." "I reckon our Belle will be much more like it by the time you two tie the knot." "Be summat for her to look forward to." "Course it will." "Right, I think we'd better be heading to the factory." "I'm ready." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Catch you later, sexy fiancee." "Laters." "White with one for me, in case you were about to ask." "Thought you were still asleep." "I'm not about to waste time sleeping with you swanning about the place looking all gorgeous." "I suppose you'll be wanting breakfast, too." "I could think of a better use of our time." "Only some of us are still shattered from last night." "Turns out Eliza lets me sleep longer than you do." "Trust me to land Michael Douglas on shore leave." "What?" "That amateur?" "Besides..." "I can't help it if I really fancy you, can I?" "I am going to get a shower." "Help yourself to toast." "As long as you agree to let me take you to lunch later." "Fine." "If it means I get ten minutes to myself." "(CHUCKLES)" "I thought you were sorting those rotas out." "Aye, well, I've been busy doing other supervisory stuff, haven't I?" "Make sure they're done by lunchtime, please." "This time with no mayonnaise smeared across them." "Nice mood (!" ")" "If I'm in a bad mood, it's because my dad is currently on a train back from Carlisle wearing half a dinner suit." "Surprise surprise, he got absolutely steaming at the do you two were supposed to go to last night." "Thought the do was in Leeds?" "It was." "Out of curiosity, which half's he missing?" "Don't push it." "Don't take any grief, ladies." "He's probably just jealous cos you're engaged and he can't even persuade anyone to go out with him." "Shows what you know." "Oh?" "Never mind." "Just crack on, Kerry." "So, I hear yesterday was pretty fabulous." "Good old Dan, eh?" "So everyone keeps saying." "Let's see the ring, then." "It's just the same one I had last time." "He hasn't had time to get us another one yet." "He will do, though." "He's very attentive, our Dan." "Are you OK?" "Only you look a bit peaky." "I'm starting to think I've eaten something dodgy." "Why don't you sneak off after you've finished your rota?" "I'll cover for you if needs be." "Do you not mind?" "Course not." "You get yourself home, you'll be right as rain after some shuteye, I'm sure." "Jimmy!" "How lovely to see you again." "Lydia!" "I thought I'd pick up some elevenses for tomorrow's session." "Can't be letting you buy all the treats, can I?" "I suppose not." "I don't suppose you've had a chance to make that pie you mentioned, have you?" "No, I haven't." "I realised afterwards how insensitive an offer that was." "Pastry being such an upsetting topic for you." "Oh, I see." "Still, can't avoid these things forever, can you?" "I wouldn't be so insensitive." "No, I shall bring fruit salad for you tomorrow." "Far less controversial." "I'd better get back to work." "Kids won't support themselves, will they?" "I suppose not." "Right, I'll see you at tomorrow's meeting, then." "Bye, then..." "Lydia." "Hi." "Wasn't that the woman from your toddler group?" "The fruitloop who turned up without any kids?" "Was it?" "Didn't notice." "I just saw you talking to her." "Oh, THAT woman." "Is that who that was?" "Jimmy, you just called her Lydia." "Did I?" "Yes." "Now you come to mention it, I think that is her name." "I need to go to David's for er...something." "See you back at home." "Aw, you look pretty." "Thanks." "Listen, I said I'd meet Adam for lunch." "I wondered if you fancied coming, too?" "It doesn't really matter what I fancy seeing as he still hates me." "Sweetheart, he can't give you a hard time forever." "If you try talking to him..." "Mum, it's fine, OK?" "Besides, I've got plans for this afternoon, anyway." "Plans worthy of a new top it seems." "Are you meeting anyone, by any chance?" "Mum..." "What?" "If you are seeing someone, it's only cos I'm concerned about you." "Well, don't be." "Yeah, I know that." "He's nice, OK?" "He's not some loser." "It's early days yet, anyway." "Trust me, that is all you need to know." "Guess it'll have to be." "For now, anyway." "Mum, will you just give up?" "I love you." "Love you, too." "(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)" "(COUGHING AND RETCHING)" "Whoa!" "Are you OK?" "You might want to shift." "(RETCHES) Aw, geez..." "Sorry." "It just keeps coming and going." "As long as it doesn't go all over me." "I can't help it, man." "I ate something." "It'll be gone in a minute." "Are you sure?" "Why?" "Are you gonna stop and look after us, like?" "No, no, no." "I'll leave you to it." "Guess I should say congratulations." "What?" "On the big news." "Dan's been banging on about it all morning." "Bored us half to death, hasn't he, kiddo?" "Wow." "I'm proper touched (!" ")" "Still." "You and him getting hitched means that... me and you are cool, right?" "Do us a favour and get lost, yeah?" "Charming." "Come on, son." "Let's leave the mardy lady to it." "Hey." "Now then, here's someone who looks like they'd appreciate a free pint." "Go on, spit it out." "All right." "Are you still interested in investing in this place?" "Cos you were, right?" "Well, now that I've managed to draw in all these extra punters it's an even tidier little investment now, innit?" "No." "(SCOFFS)" "Look, I had my reasons at the time but cleaning the toilets and clearing up the empties?" "That wouldn't be my thing anyway." "It's more of a mug's game in hindsight." "OK, fine." "Well, tell you what." "£3.20 that will be." "Thank you so much." "Put it right there." "Hiya." "White wine and soda, please." "Sure." "On your tod again?" "Actually, I've got a lunch date." "I'm meeting Frank." "You mean to tell me he didn't feed you enough cheesy chat-up lines last night?" "Anyway, I didn't think he'd be your type." "Why?" "Well, cos you're a goody-goody, by your own admission." "But, you know, you're just not your classic gangster's moll." "I'm not with you, sorry." "He's fresh out of the clink, in't he?" "So he's probably got his stripey pyjamas on under all that charm and chitchat." "Yeah, I knew that." "Excuse me." "May as well drink this, eh?" "Hey, look, son." "It's Mummy the alkie!" "Ha ha (!" ") Did you want something?" "Just a quiet pint, but I doubt I'm gonna to get that." "Why not?" "You're the customer right?" "In fact, I'm due a break, so why don't I join you?" "Hey, we could bagsy that quiet little table in the corner." "Mummy can find out what's new about Daddy." "Thank you, bye." "30 minutes I've been on the phone to that pushy Janet from the suppliers." "She doesn't even know how to pronounce canapes." "How stupid can you be?" "Why have you got that funny look on your face?" "I don't know, Leyla." "You tell me." "You should try and frown less." "It's a sure way to wrinkles." "I hold my face taut." "You knew about Frank, didn't you?" "And you let me rush in there regardless." "That is not true." "I would have told you if you hadn't been such a stroppy cow." "Er, if I was stroppy it's because I thought you were jealous." "Then that serves you right, doesn't it, for being suspicious of people." "The WRONG people as it turns out." "Is anyone about?" "ZAK: # Like a rhinestone cowboy" "# Riding out on a horse" "# In the star-spangled - Oh." "(LAUGHS) I er, forgot my butties." "Yeah, sorry about the singing it's just er, well, it reminds me of our Belle, yeah." "She er, she got me up singing that at karaoke, you know?" "Filey it were, yeah, when she were just a nipper." "Aw." "You've got to keep focused on the good stuff, haven't you?" "Aye, yeah." "I'll get back, then." "Leave you to...whatever it is you're doing." "See you." "Ta-ra, love." "Hey!" "Gangster granny!" "What are you doing?" "More to the point, what are you doing?" "There's just shy of a grand there." "Aye." "Oh, you've got another sideline, haven't you?" "I knew it!" "Well, come on, what is it?" "Spill." "Why should I tell you?" "Because I need the cash, Ross." "For Belle." "And if Liv's coughing up, then the least I can do is stick some in the pot, too." "Please, Ross." "I mean it." "All right." "It's a dog-napping scam." "(LAUGHS)" "Oh, right." "You're serious?" "Course I'm serious." "You've no idea how much money can be made from some of these little rat-faced pedigree things." "And you don't find the Cruella de Vil wig makes you look a tad conspicuous?" "(SCOFFS) Well, if you're not interested..." "No, I am." "And I'll be serious, I promise." "Hey, why don't we go back to yours and you can fill me in on the details?" "Hm." "Why do you make it sound like I've got a choice?" "Right, see you there." "OK." "Come on, kid." "Diane?" "Something important's just come up." "Could you mind the bar for me?" "No, I couldn't." "It's not a pick-and-mix scenario, this being a landlady." "I know, only it's for Belle." "Besides, I won't be long." "Thank you!" "Never thought I'd say this, but it feels quiet with Tracy on honeymoon." "She is usually the loudest person in the room." "Oh, I said I'd meet someone here actually." "Yeah, a date as it happens." "Talk about not wasting your time." "You've only been in t'village five minutes." "Oh!" "Can I have a pint, please?" "Bright lights of Clitheroe beckon." "Probably be late when I finish the run." "Don't have too much fun." "(LAUGHS) You've never been to Clitheroe, have you?" "Jimmy." "Only me, princess." "You don't say (!" ")" "Just come to see how my girl is doing." "Terrific, Dad." "Hey, hang on." "I'm rather fond of Loose Women." "Tell me something the whole village doesn't know." "Am I being oversensitive or do I sense a less-than-sunny disposition?" "It's Jimmy." "(SCOFFS) It's always Jimmy." "I think he could be having an affair." "(LAUGHS)" "You're not serious?" "I saw him from that Lydia woman from toddler group." "Only he tried to pretend that he didn't know who she was." "So maybe he didn't." "No, but he did." "There was something about how she was with him." "Too touchy-feely." "It was like she found him genuinely interesting." "I mean, Jimmy..." "There you are." "It's all in your imagination." "Like I said." "Ta." "So go on, when's your next hit?" "Well, there's a bloke who walks his "Wolfy" every day on Hotton Common." "It's one of those samoyed breeds." "I looked it up, they are like 7K a pop." "For a dog?" "!" "Oh, you'd have to be barking mad." "So anyway, he lets the dog off the lead in the same spot." "You know, for a runabout?" "Which is when I pounce with my big net, yeah?" "Which is when you lure him away with some decent grub." "Right." "Best avoid Moira's sausages then, eh." "(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) I didn't have to let you in on this, you know." "But you did, didn't you?" "Anyway, how come you've got time to suss all this out?" "I thought you had two full-time jobs on the go." "Been making the most of Cain not breathing down my neck all day." "We'd better hope he doesn't rush back." "Mm." "Whatever." "Anyway, the sooner we've got cash in our pockets, the better." "For Belle, I mean." "Thought I'd best check you hadn't keeled over." "You never answered my text." "I don't know where my phone is." "Hey!" "What's this?" "I've been covering for you." "Thought there must be a problem with your diabetes or something." "I'd take a diabetic coma over this any day." "What are you on about?" "I'm scared I'm pregnant." "What?" "Keith Cheggers." "Knocked up." "Sperminated." "It's not the meaning I'm struggling with and you certainly shouldn't be drinking this if so." "Even though it's not Dan's if I am you-know-what?" "Oh, my love." "You haven't, have you?" "Right." "Well, I suppose we'd best find out for sure that you are first, don't you?" "What if I'm too scared to?" "I often find that service with a smile is overrated." "Oh, sorry, love." "It's not you." "I've been lumbered holding the fort and I don't actually work here any more." "Let me guess." "It was a much tighter ship in your firm hand?" "I don't like blowing my own trumpet obviously." "Don't tell me she's not back yet?" "Yes, I'm at the BB with my feet up, aren't I (?" ")" "I think I prefer being served by you, myself." "Ask her nicely, she might sort you out, too." "I hope I don't detect a whiff of innuendo." "Should my ears be burning?" "Not this time, no." "But I think you might have a rival for your patter, Rodney." "Meet Frank." "How do you do?" "This has gone beyond a joke." "I'm ringing madam." "You're continuing the charm offensive, Dad?" "It's not my fault some blokes are threatened by the Clayton charisma." "Oh, that sounds like some big talk, my man." "It's not big talk if you can back it up, is it?" "You'll be upsetting our own homegrown little Casanova." "Megan." "It's good to see you again." "Whoa, hang on." "Your date's Megan?" "No, I'm not." "Not after you lied your way into my affections." "Affections being the polite term, I'm guessing." "Dad, what did you do?" "He spent most of yesterday spinning me stories about how he'd just got back from Australia." "No wonder you were so keen last night having been locked up for so long." "That doesn't mean I fancy you any less." "I thought we had a great time." "Stay away from me from now on." "What?" "She'll come round." "She likes me." "I can tell." "How long have you been writing that?" "You might as well just call Pete and have done with it." "I'm sorry." "I'm just trying to apologise for last night but I can't get it to sound right." "I'm supposed to be here with you, aren't I?" "Yep." "Although actually I do just need to call Jai." "He was being really shifty about where he was going this afternoon so I want to try and catch him out." "You wonder why when he's got a nosey parker like you on his case." "Thanks for lunch and that." "It's been good." "Yeah, it has." "The most fun I've had sober in ages probably." "What's this "probably" rubbish?" "All right, definitely!" "I like being with you, I admit it." "And you need to learn to take a compliment." "Sorry." "It's just still a bit weird." "You know, like, this." "Us." "Not that I'm saying there is an "us", not really..." "There could be." "If that's what you wanted." "Is that what you want?" "I'm going on a business trip next week, down south." "You could come with me." "We can get to know each other properly." "Without having to sneak around all the time and..." "Yeah?" "Seperate rooms, obviously." "Obviously." "If you're sure." "Great." "Yeah, yeah, I mean, of course I'm sure." "We'll have a great time." "Great." "Great." "(BOTH LAUGH)  At least we know it'll be great, then!" "Yeah." "Thank you." "See you." "See you." "Yes, all right." "(SIGHS) Do you think that Doug might just happen to be Britain's most irritating man?" "Listen, you're gonna have to have Moses for a bit while I go and do an hour at the garage." "Especially if Operation Snatch Wolfy is gonna go for tomorrow." "Listen, I never turn down a challenge, me." "It might be interesting to teach Daddy a thing or two, eh?" "OK, bud." "Don't let pottymouth here damage those delicate little ears." "Missing you already, babe." "You know what?" "You might have to get used to Daddy not being around once Mummy gets her act together." "Still, you've got me and Noah." "And we're the best ones, aren't we?" "Not like there's anything worth hanging around here for." "Are you not even gonna ask?" "I figure you'll tell me who it was if you want me to know." "I thought you'd go mad." "That would help how exactly?" "When I think about how much this is gonna kill Dan it makes us want to throw up all over again." "Oh..." "I love the bones of him, man." "(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)" "You all right, wifey?" "Not so much as it happens." "Have you been chundering?" "Didn't even think you drank that much last night." "I didn't." "Must have been some dodgy food or something." "Either that or you got carried away with the emotion of it all." "Bagging the ultimate prize fiance, and all that." "Right." "Er, I need to pick up a couple of things at David's and I said that I'd pop into the pub, see Zak." "Still, you won't be too ill to look through these." "I cleared David's out of wedding mags." "Cost me a small fortune." "You're really struggling, aren't you?" "Little bit." "Is there anything I can do?" "Apart from tell you you're still beautiful when you chuck up?" "Erm, maybe you could run us a bath." "Yeah." "For you, anything." "I'll even light a few candles." "Chuck in a bit of Matey." "subtitles by Deluxe"