"The second we got to the Abacos for the janitor's wedding," "Dr. Kelso, well..." "He set up shop at the bar." "That's the best Bahama Mama I've ever had." "I'll be the judge of that." "Hi, Bob Kelso." "Excuse me." "Mercy." "If you would be so kind as to store this for me, we could get this party started." "One Bahama Mama, please." "You can have this back when mine comes." "Things weren't going that well for the rest of us." "Jordan wasn't happy with Dr. Cox for pretending he had work to do." "Elliot was mad at me for never saying "I love you" in a romantic enough way." "And Carla was so busy being a mom..." "# Hush, little baby, don't say a word" "# Mama's gonna buy you" " # a mockingbird." " She left Turk alone at sea." "Hey, what's up?" "Ma'am!" "Lady?" "What's up, Blaquaman?" " I think I just saw a mermaid." " Maybe you just spooked it." "Oh, cute looking eel." " No, I'm naked." " Alright, that's you." "I was supposed to meet Carla out here for a little "surf and Turk"." "Took off my swim trunks." "These bad boys just floated away." "Elliot's mad at me because I didn't say "I love you" right." "You know what?" "That eel is looking at me funny," " I'm gonna switch over here." " Yeah, he's got a mind of his own." "Plus, I needed to say how much I loved her." "And I needed to be looking right into her eyes." "Well, what's the difference?" "Look at me and say it." "I love you." "That's about right." "And you're naked." "Perfect." "Either one of you two idiots seen my computer?" "Maybe the mermaid took it." "He's not great in the heat." "I did see a mermaid." "Plus, the janitor wanted to kill me for forcing him to have a wedding ceremony." "If I'm gonna have a ceremony, I just need a little help." "Go sunscreen up again and call an emergency meeting of the Brain Trust." "Island style." "Where's Todd?" "Last time I saw him, he was stuffing seaweed into his bathing suit." "Sure." "Where's Doug?" "Oh, no!" "I forgot to give him his invite." "He's getting married and he didn't invite any of us?" "Oh come on!" "And carrying around your invitation is just stupid!" "You look stupid!" "Book Doug into the next "Dealing with rejection" seminar in my garage." "80 bucks." "80 bucks!" "Can I take that class?" "No room for you, Ted." "Oh, man!" "That's not dealing with rejection." "I can work wonders with you, my friend." " One hundred bucks." " Hundred bucks!" "Sweet!" "Season 8 Episode 15 My Soul On Fire:" "Part 2" "{\pos(192,220)}Salad tastes like sunscreen." "That's because you put sunscreen on it." "{\pos(192,220)}Oh, man!" "I put Ranch on my face." "{\pos(192,220)}Alright." "{\pos(192,220)}Welcome to the 2nd international meeting of the Brain Trust." "{\pos(192,220)}I'll begin this as I began the meeting six years ago in Guatemala." "{\pos(192,220)}I'm getting married tomorrow." "And I need help." "{\pos(192,220)}Ted, you're in charge of location and music." "Todd, you are in charge of locating a Justice of the Peace... and finding a sea turtle to serve as a ring bearer." " Any questions?" " Yeah." "Who is this dude?" "{\pos(192,220)}That is Ira." "{\pos(192,220)}As per our bylaws, the Brain Trust must always have a fourth." "{\pos(192,220)}Plus he can speak to dolphins." "Or so he says." "Drink." "Drink." " The man's a born leader." " Drink!" "{\pos(192,220)}" " You know what?" "Let's..." " Drink, damn it!" "Time to smooth things over with Elliot." "Seagull!" "Hey, baby!" "{\pos(192,220)}Check out this awesome place Turk and I found this morning." "{\pos(192,220)}It's called Tahiti Beach and it's out like right in the middle of the ocean." "{\pos(192,200)}We got a kid to videotape us, but it was good you weren't there," "{\pos(192,200)}because he has red hair, I know how that nauseates you." "That's us doing some muscle poses." "Look how firm Turk looks." "Anyway, that's when we realized the kid was trying to steal the camera." "Dude." "My wife gave me that camera!" "His mistake was running backwards with the camera on us." "Are you out of your mind?" "Unfortunately, the smoothing over didn't work." "So we're not gonna talk about yesterday?" "For anyone." "So we are not gonna talk about yesterday?" "So we're not gonna talk about yesterday?" "There's nothing really to talk about, sweetie." "You were a little crazy before, now it's over." "What is so crazy about wanting to hear "I love you"" "in a meaningful and romantic way?" "Oh, good." "It's not over." "So you just wasted a whole vacation day pretending to work just to mess with me?" "I recall you saying that you were happy I couldn't spend time with you." "You knew I wasn't serious." "That's how we interact." "That's our thing." "You know what?" "I'm sick of pretending we don't like each other," "It is distinctly not fun anymore." "Would you like to know why?" "Because A," "We are over 12." "And B..." "We actually do like each other." "In fact, brace yourself..." "We love each other." "I can't believe you left me out there yesterday." "I was in the ocean for so long I had jellyfish stings on my ding-a-ling" "I had to make sure Izzy fell asleep." "Why do you have to be a mommy all the time?" "I still make sure you get sex at least once a week." "Yeah, but you always start with "This has to be quickie"." "Why do you always say that?" "Baby, we both know my "longies" aren't that long." "I gotta be honest with you, sometimes it makes me feel like you don't love me." "On behalf of all women, I just want to thank you for equating sex with love." "We think it's awesome when you do that." "You're welcome." "No, I know he's upset." "But just put him on the phone, okay, Carol?" "Hey, buddy." "I guess you're pretty bummed about the wedding mix-up, huh?" "No, man." "I got a lot going on here." "So what's it like there?" "Is it awesome?" "It's pretty awesome." "Yeah, I thought it would be." "You know what, pal?" "I'm gonna stay on this phone with you..." "I gotta go." "Carol, close me up." "So, I found you a Justice of the Peace." "Say hello to Van." " Van?" " Van." "Stretch it out." "I drive one of you." "You're right not to laugh." "That was stupid." "Thanks." " Where d'you find this idiot?" " Man got me through med school." "He's the dude we used to practice all the rectal exams on." "We did a couple of them right here in this very bar." "Right there." "With you." "I find that both fascinating and disgusting." "You already know I love you." "I shouldn't have to make some crazy gesture." "I'm not a big fan of those." "You went online for three hours and spent a fortune getting a tiki for Turk." "Elliot, I don't really think $456 for an actual faux marble imitation tiki is a fortune." " Was that total or each?" " That's irrelevant." "Weren't you the one who said we are past this dumb relationship drama?" "And I meant it." "Then." " But you don't now?" " I'm a girl." "That's how it works." "And guess what." "All relationships have drama." "When a woman says there doesn't have to be any drama, it's because she's so excited there's no drama at that particular moment she can't wait to share that feeling with you before there's any new drama!" "I want you to be comforted by the fact that doesn't sound ridiculous at all." "We're at a wedding!" "Why can't you not get to a romantic place?" "It's not a real wedding!" "It's a crazy cleaning person's scam for presents." "Then by all means, continue being an ass." "And do you want to know why I'm a mommy all the time ?" "Please." "It's because I am a mommy." "All the time." "I have a baby at home." "I have one in here." "And I have another one!" "Who expects me to work, raise his kids, buy his clothes, make his food, run his life and still have all the energy in the world left to sex him up every night." "Even though his longies are actually pretty damn long." "I know, right?" "You obviously know how I feel about you." "Why are you trying to change me?" "This..." "That works for us." "Remember when my dog died and you told me he went to doggy hell." "And then you said my mom was gonna go to doggy hell too when she died." "Because of her dog face." "Right." "I've wanted to do you right there in the vet's office." "Why are you trying to change our dynamic?" "I don't want to." "Suit yourself." "Just leave me alone." "Just leave me alone." "Just leave me alone." "Fine." "I'll see you at the wedding." "Smile for the camera, honey." "Excuse me." "Payback time." "Let's go." "But I..." " Really?" " Let's go." "Bye boys!" " You're okay with this?" " I gotta let my man be my man." "Stop it." " Babe, don't be late for the wedding." " Shut up!" "You shut up!" "The janitor's wedding day seemed like any other." " Good morning, Bob." " Good morning, Gary." "One Bahama Mama, please." "And if you could, the electric razor from my bag." "Thanks." "For god's sake, Ted, get some sun." " I've not sunscreened up yet." " Live a little." "It's warmer than I thought." "Damn you, Mother Earth!" "Damn you!" "Why?" "Here's the incredibly breathtaking view of Hope Town," "And..." "Well, what do you know?" "It's JD." "What's he doing here?" "Well, he made me change my wedding plans." "And as punishment, he's got to spend ten minutes on top of this lighthouse." " That's all I gotta do?" " That's it, my friend." "Then how come I got this fish taped to my hands?" "Seagulls!" " Sike!" "None for you, preggers." " Damn it!" "Do I look like Audrey Hepburn?" "Yes, of course." "Crap, he hates Audrey Hepburn." "No, no." "You look beautiful." "Let me fix your hair." "Thanks, guys." "I just wanna look great for my honey bunny." "That's my nickname for him." "He also loves it cause it's his favorite sandwich." "I feel like I finally found the perfect man, you know?" "Oh, please." "There's no such thing." "Look at Perry." "He pretends he's cold and emotionless, but underneath he's a sweet guy who wants to talk about our relationship all the time." "Face it." "Men are just gassy, selfish, sex-crazed egomaniacs who were put on this earth to make your life miserable, that's it." "I'm getting married in like ten minutes." "You'll live." "Lady, are this some roots I'm seeing?" "This is not your color?" "No, i'm actually a redhead." "I'm just gonna grab a sip of my drink." "I touched it, it's all over me!" " Go take a shower." " Thank you." "Nice hat." "Does it come in a human size?" "Shut up." "A hungry seabird pooed on my shirt." "Go get a new one from the gift shop, you're gonna miss it." " Do you think they sell this shirt?" " You're an idiot." "Wait, baby." " What?" " It's the mermaid." "Then what doesn't she have a tail?" "Because she's on land." "Oh my god, this is the father of my child." "Come on, come on." "We're waiting." "Come on." "Alright, I am not a strong public speaker, nor am I that familiar with the Bible, so we will do what we can." "Now, if you're excited, for our wedding today, let me hear you say wooh!" "Just like that, it's fun if you throw your shoulders back." " Try it." " We're not gonna do that." "Okay, doesn't want to do that." "Here we go." "These guys are getting married today." "And as a special treat, they thought it would be nice if you all stood, and they were to sit." "So, shall we?" "Alright then, it is now time to join these two as only the Creator can." " Where's Bob?" " He's right over there." "Of course." " It's hot!" " Too bad." "Marriage is a dead institution." "It hasn't worked for me." "It hasn't worked for anybody in my family." "But there are certain signposts you can follow to try and make the best of it." "Try not to yell at each other." "A great idea." "Don't share any money." "Always sound, sound advice." "Never strike each other above the shoulders." "From here down." " From here down, forget it." " Even though it was a wedding, none of us were caught up in the romance of the moment." " In fact before we knew it..." " Don't share cars." "You'll find that it always has the other person stink on it." "And you can't get that stuff off your shirt, you're gonna live with it for the rest of your life." "You don't want it when you're driving to work, you know?" "Before we knew it, we were already here." "Do you, Ladania Williams, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "I do." "Oh my god." "We were gonna find out the janitor's name." "And you..." "What?" "It's 4:37." ""High tide" five." "Damn it!" "It's alright." "We'll just start again." "No biggie." "And you..." "That was off the burn!" "You know what we'll do?" "We'll just say this." "Do you take this lady to be your lawfully wedded lady?" "Of course you do." "Look at her." "Looks like a ladybug." "Can I just touch right there for...?" "You're done." "Out." "Terrible job." "Good luck." "I just wanna say something before we kiss, okay?" "And thanks for coming, even though I didn't want you here." "I know that I'm weird." "But, you know, you'd be weird too if your mother aged backwards like mine did." "So the thing is that I always kind of figured that I would end up alone." "And then you came along." "And you don't just accept my quirks and my crazy stories and my lies about my mom, you actually appreciate me for them." "And I don't think I'll ever stop appreciating you for that." "But I know that I'll never stop loving you for it." "I love you too." "And right then, we all realized the value of the romantic gesture." "From one person who loves someone..." "To another." "I remember you." "Wanna get in the water?" "Fo' shizzle." "What time does that wedding start?" "Classic stuff Bob." "Everything I do is more fun if you're doing it with me." "Was that so hard?" "Oh really?" "What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "Don't!" "Don't!" "I love you." "I love you." "Bahama Mama." "Big Mama." "God, it's so beautiful here." "Look, Elliot." "I don't know if it's possible for me to put how I feel about you into words." "But I guess I'll give it a shot." "I had never really believed I'd find somebody that I'd love as much as you." "I love you more than anything in the whole world." "I love you more than Turk." " Oh my god." " I know." "That's even hard for me to say but it's true." "I had to wrestle him to the ground to get this, but it's more important for you to have it." "Look at me." "You're my dream girl." "It's getting a little chilly." "Hey Bob, you've been sitting here for three days, now." "Why don't you get up and go see this beautiful island, man?" "You're right." "{\pos(192,210)}I'll have a Bahama Mama, please." "{\pos(192,210)}This is a beautiful place."