"[toilet flushes] [water gurgling] [toilet flushes] [gulping]" "Um, Skipper?" "Salt, please." "[toilet flushes]" "Here you go, pri...vate." "Thank you, Skipper." "Uh, so, Kowalski, Have you discovered any science..." "Things?" "Kowalski?" "Hmm?" "Science?" "Any new discoveries?" "Oh, um..." "Well, yes." "I've been experimenting with transdimensional-- [toilet flushes]" "Transdim-- [toilet flushes]" "Tran-- [toilet flushes]" "Oh, come on!" "Enough already!" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "But you can't rush smoked salmon puffs." "They burn if you so much as look at them the wrong way." "The food isn't the problem, Roger." "[toilet flushes]" "That is the problem." "We're eating in a stinking sewer." "I know." "I know." "[sighs]" "Flushing does not a great dinner party make, right?" "So I'll put on some show tunes." "Yeah, yeah, something bold and brassy, A real 11 o'clock number." "Reptile, the sounds of the sewer Are the least of our problem." "[sniffs] oh!" "I'm sorry, guys." "I've lived down here so long, I barely notice the smell." "Really?" "How do you get used to" " You can't!" "You can't get used to that!" "What, are you insane?" "I hate my home." "So why not leave?" "Many of your kind live quite comfortably" "In the South Florida area known as gator alley." "Oh!" "I just got that." "Alli-gator?" "Gator?" "Yeah, we get it, Kowalski." "Operation see ya later, gator, is a go." "We'll need a large crate, 10 million deutschmarks," "And a c-17 cargo jet on the runway in 15 minutes." "I might need 30 minutes on the jet." "Blast it, man!" "That could jeopardize the whole mission." "Whoa!" "Guys, I'm not moving." "Times Square, the met, Broadway." "I mean, come on." "Broadway." "You can't ask me to give up on my dream" "Of singing at the great white way." "No, I would rather live In the worst sewer in the big apple" "Than in the best swamp in all of Florida." "I hear you, brother." "It's not the heat;" "it's the humidity." "Uh, okay." "So I'll just stay put..." "Down here..." "In this sewer..." "On the banks of this raging river of filth." "Oh, dear." "You can always move to the zoo, Roger." "I could?" "Negatory." "Our zoo overlords may be somewhat slow on the uptake..." "But even they would notice the sudden appearance" "Of an 800-pound alligator." "Despairot, Roger." "Compared to our usual high-stakes tango," "Your little problem is but a petty pirouette." "Oh, okay." "Which means what?" "I don't know." "We'll find you a new home right here" "In the city that never sleeps." "Fresh air, sunshine, and a pond" "To replicate your native marshy environments." "Sold!" "Done!" "And we pirouette." "What do you think, Roger?" " It's--it's nice." "It's nice." "I got one question." "Why the log?" "It's not very-- uh, what's the word?" "Uh, comfortable." "Well, with the park's predominantly human population," "You'll need camouflage." "Just hold still when people are around." "Otherwise, they're likely to-- - [woman screams]" "Alligator!" "Get the police!" "Help!" " No, no, I'm not gonna" " Help!" "And finally, from the wackadoo file," "Esther a." "Paxton of paramus claims" "To have seen an actual alligator in central park." "But when animal control investigated," "All they found was this log." "[laughs]" "Sounds like they were barking up the wrong tree, Chuck." "Ha!" "You're out on a limb there, Bonnie." "Ha!" "Okay, I grant you, there are issues" "With our previous home proposal." "But this one's brilliant." "Are you really positive They're not going to find me here?" "Not if you hold still this time." "From 10:00 A.M. To 5:45 P.M." "Monday through Friday, 8:00 P.M. On weekends." "[door squeaks and cash register dings]" " Uh-oh, Skipper." "Museum's open." "Duck and cover, men." "And, Roger, hold still." "Who wants to see some dead things?" "Gator." "Cool." "What, that?" "It's totally fake-looking." "Check out his dumb rubber nose." "Ow!" "Why would you do that?" "[both scream]" "Fear gripped the museum of natural history today" "As witnesses claim they were attacked By the alligator exhibit." "We was just standing there, you know, Not doing nothing wrong." "And then the alligator comes alive" "And tried to eat my cousin, Vic." "Curiously, museum officials say There is no alligator exhibit." "Hmm, curious indeed, Chuck." "[dramatic musical flourish]" "Okay, the pond and the museum scenarios" "Suffered from unplanned variables." "Lessons learned." "But this one's a winner." " All right, let me get-- I'm supposed to be what, now?" "A gargoyle, Stone carved into a mythological creature" "That wards off evil spirits." "The thing is, guys, um, I'm not really good with heights." "Well, gee, Roger, What are you "real good" with?" "Not camouflage." "Not holding still." "We're running out of options here." "Just don't look down." "You'll be fine." "Don't look down." "Don't look down." "Don't look..." "[wind whistling]" "Dooooooooown!" "Roger!" "Splash!" "Ooh, lucky for him there was a swimming pool down there." "A rather public pool." "[people screaming]" "This is gator watch," "New York's number one in alligator attack updates." "Breaking now:" "Manhattan's most wanted reptile" "Has literally dropped into midtown." "Animal control has placed the gator threat level At severe." "Citizens are warned" "To not approach any prehistoric killing machines" "They may encounter between 82nd and canal street." "Stay with us for team predator coverage" "And gil force with gator watch weather." "[helicopter rotors beating]" "I'm a fugitive." "I'm a fugitive from justice." "Don't panic." "We just need to find a safe house," "Lay low under Danny dogcatcher loses our scent." "Ah, this should do it." "Kowalski, can you crack the lock?" "A simple pin tumbler?" "Well, while you're lobbing softballs," "Why not ask if I can design a self-replicating nanobot?" "Which I can, obviously." "Okay, slow and steady." "[helicopter rotors beating] [screams] they're on to us!" "Thud!" "Thud!" "Am I..." "On Broadway?" "I was born for this moment." "♪ when I was very young, I felt ♪" "♪ that I was sure to be more ♪" "♪ than a handbag, pair of shoes, or belt ♪" "♪ ♪" "A nice belt, but still." "♪ and now that it's years later ♪" "♪ people say-- ♪" "It's an alligator!" "[people screaming] [screams]" "What?" "Too pitchy?" "Please, don't lock me up." "I didn't have to time to rehearse." "They've got Roger." "Next stop, the gray bar hotel." "They're taking him to a hotel?" "Well, that will be a lovely home." "Perhaps he'll find a mint on his pillow." "We're canceling Roger's reservation." "Rico, grappling gun." "[brassy detective music]" "♪ ♪" "Follow my lead, boys." "All right, we're back in this thing." "All we need to do" " Gah!" "Men, commandeer this vehicle." "Penguins?" "Kowalski, wheel man." "Rico, gas." "Private, music." "Smooth jazz or hot adult contemporary?" "Let's classic rock this chase." "And away we go." "♪ ♪ [yells]" "♪ ♪" "No!" "Look out!" "Ahh!" "Not to worry, citizen." "We'll return your vehicle in factory condition." " Oopsie." " Well, near factory condition." "[tires squealing]" "Left." "Right." "Left." "Lot of left." "Whole lot of left." "[horns honking]" "Crash!" "♪ ♪" "Rico, more gas." "[burps]" "You know what I mean, soldier." "Heh heh!" "Skipper, can I do a pedal?" "Sorry, private." "We won't be needing brakes today." "♪ ♪" "Well, this is our stop." "[truck honks]" "Fast and furious, boys." "Rico, blowtorch." "Guys!" "You came to rescue me!" "Roger that, Roger." "We're giving you a real home," "Not some dark, stinking hole of woe and despair." "[tires screeching] Um, Skipper?" "I think we've arrived" "At the dark, stinking hole of woe and despair, and..." "And it's our hole." "We got the gator in the back." "Bring him in." "We've got a nice, cozy habitat all set up for him." "Oh, well, that simplifies things." "And so gator watch comes to an end" "As the happy reptile finds a new home At the central park zoo." "All's well that ends well, eh, Bonnie?" "Right you are, Chuck." "Coming up, a Manhattan motorist swears" "His car was commandeered by-- and I'm not making this up--Penguins."