"See this guy?" "I know this guy." "He's a car thief." "He know that most car alarms operate by a simple electric sensor." "You just jiggle the door, you complete a circuit and trigger the siren." "I've been stealing cars since I was 14." "The truth is, alarms make my job easier, not harder." "Say somebody's walking by and sees me fiddling with the ignition." "So sorry, ma'am." "These stupid alarms, you know?" "He knows that they can be set off by someone breaking into the vehicle or bumping into it..." "Sorry." "...or some invisible machination of the car's interior, or for that matter, by other alarms." "He also knows that they go off accidentally so often that in New York at least no one pays any attention." "I'm Detective Dante Moretti, NYPD." "I've been on auto crimes for seven years and I'd say in that time, well, in Manhattan anyway, a car alarm has not prevented the theft or burglary of a single vehicle, not one." "Ever." "Frankly, that's a lot of BS." "I'm Richie McIntyre of the Security Industry Trade Association." "We estimate that in 2003 alone car alarms..." "Today in New York City" " Administrative Code Section 24-221..." " Asshole." "...states that all car alarms must automatically shut off within three minutes." "I don't think that's quite fast enough." " I'll tell you why." "Let's say it's 4:00 a.m. and you've been up since 1:00" " with your colicky newborn." "And just as you're getting her down..." "Let's say you're reading German philosophy." "Hegel, for instance." "You're too stupid really to understand any of this but in your dogged way you've been reading and rereading the same passage for the past half-hour." "And just as you're beginning to get it..." "Unfolded becoming." "Unfolded becoming." "Or say you haven't gotten it up for the past month, the usual reasons-- boredom, rage, short positions in the market-- but tonight for some reason you feel an unexpected ease in that department." "Come on, David." "Just let it go." "Shut up, you bastard!" "At times like those you don't really want to wait three minutes, do ya?" "Or one minute." "Or even 30 seconds." "Personally, I don't think we should have to hear it at all." " Maybe you don't either." "But unlike you," "I do something about it." "I'm the Rectifier." "Today at City Hall, Mayor Rheinnhardt Schneer met with 178 motorists whose vehicles have been damaged by a figure identifying himself only as the Rectifier." "I'm here with one of the victims." "This is Allen J Corpitanni of Bayonne, New Jersey." "Mr. Corpitanni, could you show us the letter you received?" "Could you read it for us?" "Yeah. "Dear Allen J Corpitanni, on the evening of April 3rd your burglar alarm disturbed the citizens of New York." "Every time the Rectifier or anyone in his organization encounters a motor vehicle with its alarm on for any interval whatsoever"-- he underlined that part" ""it will be damaged." "That is why you are obliged to repair your battery cable" " at a cost of approximately $200." " Hey, shut up, you stupid douche." "Subsequent offenses will receive more severe sentences." "The Rectifier." Actually, I fixed it myself with a little wire." "Didn't cost me nothing." "Mayor Schneer, however, was typically unamused." "I will not tolerate that kind of creep in my city." "Come on, Your Honor, at worst this guy's guilty of a misdemeanor." "We got 316 complaints about him." "At 90 days each and served consecutively, that comes to almost..." " ...78 years." "A WOR poll indicates that the Rectifier is a popular figure." "On Halloween some kids even dressed up as the Rectifier." "Who cares what these morons think?" "I'm the mayor, not them." "This self-styled Rectifier is nothing but a two-bit vigilante rationalizing his immaturity and impotent rage in the name of justice." "The Rectifier, I presume." "I'm sorry, is there something you want?" "Well, first I want you to pay us for the window you broke" "$616 plus tax and installation." "Somebody broke a window?" "Yes, somebody did." "You took fingerprints." "Well, these aren't mine." "And even if they were, you would need a court order to get my fingerprints for comparison." "And for that you need probable cause which you don't have, so..." "Unless you've already been arrested and the prints are in the system." "On three occasions." "Uh, yes." "Spent 30 days in the city jail for breaking a window of a Lexus," " trying to turn off the car alarm." "You a reporter?" "I write things sometimes." "I can write something about you if you want." "No, thanks." "I'm not interested." "Fine." "But if I tell the cops and the press that you're the Rectifier" "Mayor Schneer will find out." "Schneer hates you, you know that." " I hate him more." " How do you know?" "Schneer hates millions." "I hate one." "My hate's stronger." "Fine." "I'll pay you your money." "I don't care about the money." "Then what do you care about?" "What you're doing, everybody in this city wants to do." "Only they don't have the guts." "How come you're different?" "Maybe the question is, why do people put up with it?" "Because human beings are sheep." "Even if they see the slaughterhouse, the door's open, waiting for them, they go in quietly as if they deserve it." "It's quite pathetic, actually." "Who are you?" "Ekaterina Filippovna." "Nice to meet you too, Mr. Owen." "So how did you begin?" "How did you get to be the Rectifier?" "By not being the Rectifier." "We'd been living in New York for five years at that point and I liked everything about it, even the noise at first." "But after a while it began to bother me." "Could you close that?" "Why had I come here?" "That wasn't the first time." "I did that for a couple of years like a hobby." "Lots of things are maddening." "The tax system is maddening." "I know, I know." "What I'm saying..." "You're saying." "You're always saying, David." "I'm saying what can you do about it?" "Hey, guys, shh." " Nothing." " Hey, we're trying to talk." "Shut up, you bastard!" "David, stop." "Come on." "Come on." "No." "No." "Ignore it." "Ignore it." "It's not there." " It's there." " It's not there." " It's there." " David, David." "Oh, thank you, God." " Here we go." "Watch this." " Is this your car, sir?" " No, sir, it's not." "What are you doing here?" "Now what I should have said was..." "These alarms have been going off for six hours." "My kid's sick." "It's keeping her awake." "I was just disconnecting the battery so she could get some sleep." "Look, I know how you feel, but cars are private property." "You can't just break in." "You have to call us." "I know that." "I knew that." "But what I actually said was..." "I did call you!" "I called you three times." "In fact, it was only twice." "We came all three times and the alarm wasn't going." "That's because it shuts off for a minute every so often, then it starts back up again." "If you'd gotten out of your car and stuck around for more than 30 seconds you might have fucking heard it." "So instead of this..." "Why don't you go on home to your little angel, make sure she's all right?" "You don't need this mess." " Okay." " I'll take care of things." " Appreciate it." " Sure." "That's all right." "All right." " You guys are great." " Take care now." "...I got this." "You're gonna arrest me, huh?" "You're gonna arrest me for this?" "Why don't you arrest the guy that has that alarm, keeping everybody up?" "As soon as they put me in jail, in fact, the moment they snapped on the cuffs..." " Watch your head." " ..." "I felt calm, calmer than I'd ever been in my life." "What'd he do?" "Busted into a car whose alarm was going off." "Who's gonna take him down to Central Booking?" "The two cops drove me down to Central Booking and the next morning they loaded a bunch of us into a police van and took us over to Manhattan Criminal Court and left us there in the van for an hour." " What do you want, man?" " Get me a low-fat yogurt." "No one spoke." "Not one of us said a word for the entire hour." " Hey, I'm watching this shit." "Come on, let us watch it for chrissake." "What are they doing, man?" "Why did they change channels?" "They weren't even watching." "Then I understood." "It was simply to remind us that they were there, that we were in their power." "What were you doing in the red Volkswagen?" "I was trying to disconnect the car alarm." "It had been going off for five hours." "You mean, this is the guy who really did break into the car to turn off the alarm?" "That's what all the car thieves say when they get caught." "Oh, that's funny." "Getting arrested was the best thing that ever happened to me, in the Hegelian sense." "It was the negative that transformed me and led to my becoming what I in fact was." "What were you?" "The Rectifier, potentially." "Potentially?" "My becoming unfolded." "Let's get out of here." "If you're a writer, what are you doing in a furniture store?" "I work for my uncle sometimes." "He lets me use his office." "Office?" "For what?" "To track down all lunatics, bring them to justice." "Go on." "What happened afterwards?" "What did Helen say when you came home?" "I think you should go to jail more often." "Maybe I will." "Everybody laughed but I felt like I could be back there tomorrow." "I used to think that there was nothing you could do about the noise, but once you get started it's easy." "What's hard is stopping." "So this isn't the first time?" "How long have you been doing it?" "A couple of years." "A couple of years?" "!" "Well, never this big." "I mean, mostly just, you know, letting the air our of tires, ripping windshield wipers off cars, stuff like that." "And you never thought to mention it?" "Um..." "What else don't I know?" "Come on, you do things I don't know about." "I am not breaking into cars and going to jail." "It's like you're a delinquent or a thug." "Oh, right, I'm a criminal." "I'm a terrorist." "I'm Al-Zarqawi." "Come on, David." "We have a child." "We're supposed to be the adults." "I am the adult." "I have the adult job." "I had no idea that our life meant to so little that you would risk it this way." "What is this all about?" "What are you doing?" "It doesn't make any sense." "Oh, man." "Forget it." "I guess I don't understand why you take it all so personally." "I mean, do you-- do you think that the noise is deliberately directed at you?" "I don't think they're out to get me." "In fact, what infuriates me is how indifferent they all are to me, to you, to everyone." "Close the window, you know." "Don't think about it." "I can't." "You can't close the window?" "What if I want it open?" "I see." "You don't want an answer." "So what do I do, just turn on the air conditioner," " put in earplugs?" " Yeah." "Or we can get one of those white noise machines." "What about the other people?" " What other people?" " People in outdoor cafes, people that work in garages, that can't close the window, that don't have air conditioning?" "Do we have to worry about them?" "This is a problem in the world, Helen." "I know it's not as serious as global warming or funding for chamber music, but it affects people every day, tens of thousands of people, I bet millions of people, every day." "And you just want me to adjust to it." "What else can we do?" "Helen, what if Jonas Salk had this attitude?" "What if he had this attitude towards polio?" ""Oh, it's polio, you know." "Just adjust to it."" "Do you think you're a Jonas-Salklike figure?" "Okay, babe." "I love you, Jonas." " Oh, stop it." "Stop it." "I'm serious." "I'm serious." "You said you'd stop?" "Stopping" " I've stopped." "Why?" "Well, Helen doesn't like it." "She thinks I'm crazy." "Which doesn't mean you have to put up with the noise." "I put up with it." "Sometimes I snap, but mostly I put up with it." " We all do." "We put up with worse." " Like what?" " Nuclear proliferation, religious fanatics." "The world's going to hell, David." "Haven't you noticed?" "Nothing's perfect." "Nothing's perfect?" "Barbara didn't get it." "I thought you were stopping." "Nobody got it." "So I tried other methods." "When I came across a car alarm I'd write down the plate number." "I paid $150 a year for a website that gave me access to DMV records and I filed suit against repeat offenders in small claims court." "Are you with us, David?" "It's a deduction for uncollectible accounts for the Depco default." "Line 23." "Your Honor, the car alarms in question have resulted in disturbance of the peace, damage to business, loss of income and sleep to hundreds if not thousands of New Yorkers." " Dismissed." "Your Honor, we have neighbors, block associations, even firefighters" " Dismissed." "citing evidence that above a certain level noise can constitute a kind of physical assault that can" "Dismissed!" "This was amusing the first time." "It had certain quixotic charm." "Now it's boring." "I'm sorry." "30 days suspended." "If I see you back here you'll do time." "This is absurd." "It's quixotic." "That's not funny." "That house in Nyack is still for sale." "I don't want to move to Nyack." " We could move back to Winnetka." " You want to go to Winnetka?" "No, I" "You can't stand the noise but you don't want to move where it's quiet." "Because it's wrong, Helen." "The noise is wrong." "I seem to be the only one that cares." "So what, David?" "Lots of things are wrong." "Just let them be wrong." "What can we do about it?" "Nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing." " I want you to see a therapist." "This is not a psychological problem." "It's a social problem." "It's a political-- go ahead and get that." "It's not like we're having a conversation or anything." "David, you are having a breakdown." "Can't you see that?" "This is all you do." "This is all you talk about." "You are obsessed." "It's affecting Chris." "What do you mean?" "What do you mean, it's affecting Chris?" "She keeps asking, why does Daddy get so upset?" "Her teacher said that she's getting short-tempered, wanted to know if there was anything wrong at home." "Maybe it's a problem with the teacher." "It is not the teacher's problem." "It is you." "You need to let this go." "Just-- just let it go." "I can't, okay?" "I can't." "I can't." "Then leave." "Move out." "All right, we'll go to the country." "We'll... borrow my brother's place for the weekend, just for the weekend to see." "Just to see." "What is she doing?" "Playing with the neighbor's dog." "What is it, a leaf blower?" "Yeah." "Some towns have regulations against them." "Not this one." "Evan says the country's quieter but the noises seem to bother you more." "Who's Evan?" "Caitlin's dad." "Look at her." "She's blowing everything into the street." "The wind's just gonna blow it right back on." "You think she thinks about the gasoline she's using, the pollution, the noise?" "No." "Whatever happened to rakes?" " Where are you going?" " I'm going to talk to her." "Excuse me!" "Hi." "Can you turn that off, please?" " What?" " Can you turn it off?" "We're just here for the weekend and" "You guys have a rake?" "A rake." " Yeah, I got a rake." " Yeah, got a rake?" " Yeah." " You know how to use it?" "Is it the dad who hit you?" "The mom." "It was Mommy's fault." "Did you hit her back?" "No." ""Then the sirens sang again in their irresistible voices." "Odysseus shouted and struggled until he was exhausted." "And when the sirens' island was left far behind his men released him and drew the wax from their ears."" "Good night, honey." "Helen made it clear-- one more strike and I was out." "She wondered if I was mature enough to have a family." "Mature enough?" "Did she really say that?" "She didn't mean it." "She was frightened." "Of what?" "You ever been married?" "No." "This is great-- all your stuff." "Anyway, after that I realized" "I just had to put up with it like everyone else." "So I did." "I put up with the power saws that firemen started up twice a day just to make sure they worked." "I put up with backup beepers going off at 5:00 in the morning on an empty street, their background-level sensors malfunctioning as usual." "I put up with the ambulances, the fire engines, the electric sidewalk washers, trucks that clean out furnaces, the jackhammers, cement pourers, piledrivers, nail guns, boom boxes, the shrieking subways, those pneumatic lifts on buses." "They can scare the life out of you." "Irv?" "Irv, what is it?" " Irv!" " Oh my God." " Are you having chest pains?" " L." " You have the second leg." "This is nice." "What is it?" " Mozart." " No, I meant the wine." "Do you want to split something?" " H." " That's the last letter." "No, I'm hungry." "Do I have to get every letter or can I just guess?" "You can guess." "It's good to guess." ""Truth"!" "Hey hey, what are you doing?" "That's my car." " Why don't you turn off the alarm?" " It'll stop in a minute." "I can't wait that long." "Where's your clicker?" "It doesn't work." "What do you want me to do?" "Disconnect the fucking thing so it never goes off." "Don't be ridiculous." "Hey hey, Officer, Officer." "You were told you cannot do this." "You have to call us." " You never come." " We're here now." "Because I broke the window." "You don't come when the cars are attacking us," " only when we're attacking the cars." " The car didn't attack you." "Oh, so what you're saying-- what you're really saying is, the car matters, we don't." "We're pieces of shit." "He's nuts." "He's not nuts." "He just doesn't understand what he's doing, what it means in the context." "Why aren't you arresting the real criminals, huh-- the guys from Enron and WorldCom and--?" "Is this your business, ma'am?" "Move." " Yes, this is my business." " Move." "This is everybody's business." "Daddy, you promised." "30 days and a $10,000 fine." "And I'm making a note on your jacket." "You show up here again and you'll do a year." "Papi!" "Hola, mi nina." "Como estas?" "Me hacias falta." "Hello?" "Welcome back." "Judson fired me." "You packed my stuff." "Are we going on vacation or am I moving out?" "You're moving out." "Yeah, Chris!" "Daddy!" "Aw, I missed you so much." " Did you get my letters?" " All five of them." "I missed you too." "Hey, I need you to score me a goal right now." "I need you to go out there and score me a goal, okay?" " Okay." " Come on." "I'll be right here." "So who is it?" "The guy you're seeing." "Evan." "Evan." "Who the fuck is Evan?" "David" "Is it a boy or a girl?" "He's Caitlin's father." "Caitlin." "Is that the fat one?" "No, that's Minerva." "Caitlin's the redhead." " Oh." "Oh, I like her." "She's sexy." "David, she's seven." "She's sexy." "It's not my fault." "I didn't say I wanted" "You know..." "I swear to God, they are the same ones..." "So is the dad sexy too?" "Is--?" "How is it with you?" "Do you-- is he great?" "Actually, you know what?" "I don't care." " You know what?" "It's fun." " I don't really want to hear it." "You have your little thing, I have mine." "So how long is this-- how long have you been doing this little thing?" "A week." " A week?" " No, I'm at the soccer game." "Excuse me, you know..." " Hold on a second." "Hold on." " I don't know if you noticed, but when you have a cell phone you don't have to shout." "We used to have these things called booths," " phone booths, you know where you wouldn't have to disturb everyone." "Why do you have to leave?" "Well, because Mom" "Mom and I think it's best just for now." "'Cause you keep getting in trouble?" "Yeah, I guess, more or less." "Hey, look at that guy." "What's he doing?" "Putting boats in the water." "What kind of boats?" "I think they're origami boats." "Hmm." " He made them out of paper." " Cool." "Is that why they call them sirens, because of those women?" "What women, honey?" "Who sang on the rocks." "Yeah, I think you're right." "Come on now." "So why can't you be more like Odysseus?" "Like him how?" "He had his men tie him to the mast so he didn't wreck the ship." "I'm sorry, honey." "You seem so calm." "Were you really okay with it-- her being with someone else?" "I don't know." "Maybe I liked it." " Why did you like it?" " I don't know." "'Cause I'm crazy." "I'm out of my fucking mind, right?" "I'm kidding." "I was joking." " It's a joke." " You're insane." "No, I'm not." "The prison shrink said I wasn't." "You know what I can't stand?" "It's how angry you are all the time." "You like it." "You like being angry." "What are you so angry about?" "That I'm impotent." "Not always." "Not even very often." "Not always sexually... but always." "Always." " It's the buzzer." "It's the doorbell." "The van is here for your things." "I got a place at 24th and 6th." "Once I moved downtown" "I didn't have a job, or a family, or friends really." "All I had was the noise." "Where's my money?" "!" "Where's my fucking money, man?" "I need" "Every night the same alarm." "It wasn't a car." "It had to be one of the buildings on the block, but which one?" "Read me back the last paragraph." "No, the one before that." "Excuse me, do you have an alarm in this building, a burglar alarm?" " We already have one, thanks." " I know you have one." "No, not you." "It works fine." "That's actually a matter of opinion." "It went off last night for half an hour at 3:00 a.m." " Did you know that?" " No, you can't cut that." " The transition won't make sense." " Hello?" "Hello?" " Can you hold on?" " Hi." "Why do you think it was our alarm?" "I live right across the street." "I heard it go off." " It was..." "Is that yours?" "Yes." "Yeah, I know." "If you were to set it off I would be able to tell." "I can't do that." "But I will have the company recalibrate it the next time they come." "Is there a number I could call you in case it goes off again?" " Okay, but 400, not 800." " Take one." "Just one." "No, I cut them." "Not you, not Jerry." "Me." "Uh, this is your business number." "Do you have a cell phone?" "I don't have a cell phone." "I'll have it to you by 4:00." "No no no, if I do it that fast, it won't be any good." "Okay, 3:00." "Okay, bye." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." " Do you hear that?" " What?" "The whistle." "Oh, yeah, that's the intercom." "It does that a lot." " How do you get it to stop?" " Talk to the super." "How do you find the super?" "I don't know." "You live here and you don't know how to find a super?" "Hey, sometimes he's around, sometimes he's not." "I don't know where he goes." "Doesn't bother you?" "You know what does bother me?" " That manhole cover on 6th." " What manhole cover?" "You can hear it best from over here." "That's not it." "There." "And there again." "You heard it?" "Yeah, I hear it." "It's every time a car comes down the street." "How could that bother you and not the intercom?" " You notice this, I notice that." "Yeah, what?" "'Cause you promised it by Monday, Jack." "Whose fault is that?" " No, I didn't say Wednesday..." " Yeah." "Thank you." "It was funny how that affected me-- the applause." "That's when I realized... this was my job now, my calling." "Yeah, you have it right-- like Jonas Salk." "After that I never got caught." "I stopped being angry." "I developed a kind of intuition where the cops would be and where they wouldn't." "It was easy, really." "Once I gave up everything else," "I knew how to be the Rectifier." "What you've been doing is cutting battery cables..." " ...which kills your basic factory-installed device." "Two problems:" "one-- if the guy's got a Nightwatch or a Convoy, any decent aftermarket alarm, it's got an auxiliary power source, right, and cutting the battery cable won't even stop it;" "and two-- even if it does work, once the cable's fixed..." " ...the alarm's back in business." "What about the alarm trumpet?" "Alarm trumpet?" "No no no." "Those are only on older car alarms." "Now it all goes to the horn." "All right?" "So in this particular case you go straight for the electronics." "It's usually right down here, under the dash." "Voila." "You know, it's funny, the alarm right in your ear can drive you crazy, but the ones further away can sound kind of nice, sort of plaintive." "You think so?" "Yeah." "Fucking son of a" "I know, I know." "But I've got an idea." "Follow my logic on this one, okay?" "We piggyback on this guy." "We oppose him personally, of course, but we support the idea, the issue." "It's very popular with the people." "You might bounce a couple of points in the polls." " Fuck that shit." "Fuck it." " Okay, fuck it." "See if we can use the Patriot Act or any of the antiterrorist statutes..." " Mr. Mayor." " ...on this piece of shit." "Mr. Mayor, we're ready." "Great." "Now?" "This self-styled Rectifier is nothing but a two-bit vigilante rationalizing his immaturity and impotent rage in the name of justice." "Looks like fun, huh?" "But I'm doing it, not you." "Oh, you think it's easy for me," "I'm only a fiction?" "Perhaps." "But then my suffering is also a fiction." "Your is real." "And you just sit there." "Out of the way, Katia." "The Rectifier, I presume." "It was stupid, the whole business." "I wrecked the ship." "Let me ask you something." "The noise was driving you crazy, so you moved from the Upper West Side where it's relatively quiet down here where it's twice as loud." "Why?" "It's the one place I could find that I could afford." "It's near my daughter's" "Because you love the noise." "You hate it, but you love hating it." " It's your muse." " My muse?" "You've read Hegel but you haven't understood him." "I'm sick of Hegel." "I wish I'd never heard of him." "The genius of a car alarm is that you can't talk back to it." "It has a mouth, but no ears." "It makes you pay attention to it, but it pays none to you." "And how does that make me love it?" "Because it's safe." "You summon all your rage, you hurl yourself at it and nothing happens." "The whole secret of power is to make it unresponsive." "The more arbitrary it is, the more cruel and irrational, the more we respect it, the more we love it." "So what are we gonna do about it?" "You liked me right away at my uncle's store, didn't you?" "Liked you?" "Is that the word?" "You wanted to fuck me?" "I wanted to smack you, you were so rude." "And?" "And maybe I wanted to look at you." "That's all?" "No." "And once I'd done that I would want to do other things-- touch you, get you aroused, listen to you come." "Is that the same as wanting to fuck you?" "When you imagine it, do you think about me coming or you coming?" "You." "And am I astounded by your sexual prowess, haunted and blasted, weeping of pleasure?" "Something like that." "So I'm the object and you're the subject." "No no no, you can't astound an object." "We're both subjects." "So I'm the object and you're the subject?" "You can't astound an object." "How can you make me come but by rendering me an object?" "I can't make you come if you keep talking." "Stop talking." "I can't make you come unless you agree to it." "No." "I want you to force me." "I want you to make me do things I don't want to do." "What was that, another notch on your belt?" " We both get a notch, no?" " Hey!" " What now?" "Where did you guys go?" "Well, you can keep breaking into cars until they put you away for a year, or we can do something real." "What do you mean by real?" "Excuse me, is this the board of elections?" "I think this is the board of elections." "Can I get the packet for initiative petitions?" " You want to run for office?" " No." "Um..." "I think they mean the ballot initiative." "Ballot initiative?" " Uh, yeah?" " No." "Did you mean the citizen-initiated referendum to amend the city charter?" "You gotta go to the city clerk for that." "No, you don't." "Yes, you do." "It's right there in the book." "You can do it right here." "We've only got packets for running for office." "Packets?" "What packets?" "There are no packets." "Yes, there are." "And you get them from the city clerk." "You can draw up your own petition form for people to sign." "I think we've got a sample somewhere." "How many signatures do we need to get on the ballot?" "5% of the number of city residents who voted in the last election for governor or 30,000, whichever is less." ""Fewer."" "So we just make one of these up ourselves?" "Yes." "Don't forget to write on top what you're petitioning for." "But you still gotta file them with city clerk." " That's true." " May I keep this?" "Sure." "Thank you." "Get away from me." ""So as to preserve, protect and promote the public health, safety and welfare and the peace and quiet of the inhabitants of the city, we forbid any and all use of car alarms within the five boroughs of New York City," "violations to be punished by a fine of not less than $100 per incident."" "What about backup beepers?" "No, no backup beepers." "They make sense to people and if we try to argue" "Makes sense?" "They infantilize us." "They're overprotective." "Put in backup beepers." "Thank you, I've heard it, but the alarm industry is gonna use it to portray us as extremists out of touch with the general public." "We can't just" "Why do you cave in to those people?" "What, are you a pussy?" "Come on." "Put in backup beepers." "David, do you want to win on alarms or do you want to lose on alarms and backup beepers?" "'Cause if you want to lose, do it by yourself." "I'm only here to win." " Put in the backup beepers." " That's not funny." "Hi, I'm collecting signatures." "Signatures for the ballot." "Excuse me, we're trying to get" " No, I'm sorry." " No no no." "Would you be willing to sign?" "We're trying to get" "Sure, I'll sign." " I got one." " You got one?" " Yeah, I got one." " I've got nothing." "Excuse me..." "We need help." "We can't do this alone." "No, I'm in a rush, man." "It's a petition to ban car alarms." "Who's the girl with the dark hair?" "Her name is Gruska." "She's good." "She's getting lots of signatures." " Would you sign it?" " Ban car alarms." " Yes." " Thank you." " Please, where do I sign?" " Of course I will." "We're collecting signatures to ban car alarms." "Ban car alarms." "Finally, the big night arrives, opening night, right?" "He's waiting in the wings." "He keeps saying the line over and over." ""Is that a cannon I hear?" "Is that a cannon I hear?"" "He's got it." "He knows it cold." "He's gonna fuck it up." "Well, hey, he gets his cue." "He comes through the curtain." "He crosses the stage." "He gets hit with a spotlight." "And right as he's about to deliver his big line-- kaboom!" "There's this huge explosion." "He hits the deck." "The crowd is stunned." "And what does he say?" ""Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that?"" "Not bad, right?" "Pretty good?" "That's a good joke." "That's funny." "I can tell that to the Japanese guys." "Think they'd even get it?" "Are you kidding me?" "They would love it." "It would work like a charm." "Good." "Did you see this yet?" "They're getting a lot of signatures on that." "Jackie says they're gonna get that initiative on the ballot." "Son of a b" "I want to talk to this EK Filippnova prick." ""Filippovna."" "By the way, he's a she." "Pretty cute too." "You look great." "Bitch then." "I want to talk to this EK Filippovna... bitch." "Your initiative won't make it." "I can tell you that right now." "If you supported it, it would." "You could take the credit." "People would love you." "The Rectifier is behind this, right?" "No comment." "I could call a grand jury." "I could ask you that question in front of them." "If you didn't answer I could find you in contempt and send you to jail." "Go ahead." "You're fucking him, aren't you?" "What do you like about him?" "I never met the guy, but if I did, what I would like is that he was alone, everyone against him, and he fought anyway." "I'm alone." "Everyone's against me." "Oh, you think just because I got elected, millions of votes, that the people are with me?" "They hate me." "You know why?" "Because when you're strong you don't cave in." "When you're not a weakling like they are, they hate you for it." "You want to run things-- you gotta be a monster." "You gotta be willing to kill people." "Who'd you kill?" "No comment." "Nice people can't do it." "They get chewed up, spit out, nothing left but a fart." "You know what I used to tell my kids when they were little, when they still spoke to me?" "Something would happen they didn't like and they would say, "Oh, that's unfair."" "And I would say, "No, don't say that's unfair." "Say that's not beautiful."" "People like your boyfriend, the Recti-fairy, need everything beautiful." "That's why they're so helpless." "But you're not like that." "So drop that putz." "Come work with me." "I'll show you how to run the world." "What would I do?" "I don't know." "Personal advisor... parks commissioner." "What about economic development?" "What is that?" "Bringing business here." "I got a Japanese contingent coming." "They would love you." "Okay." "Only if you support the initiative." "Don't waste your time on that." "That's too tiny." "Then promise you won't oppose us." "No." " Where are you going?" " I'm going to England to study philosophy." "So fuck you." "I wanted to thank you all for helping out today." "We have unofficially collected over 40,000 signatures." "That's more than 10,000 above the minimum." "But remember, at least half will be disqualified, so we need to get at least 20,000 more." " Can we do it?" " Yes, we can do it." "Shut up." "Stop it." "Stop it." "Come on, stop it." "You and Gruska seem to be getting along." " Do you like her?" " She's nice." "What about you?" "What about me what?" "Are you attracted to her?" "She's attracted to you." "Did you talk or are you making trouble?" "We talked." "What did you talk about?" "She wants to come home with us." "Is she weird or homeless?" "She's sexy." "What did you say?" "Dad," "Mom's here." " Put your seat belts on." " Okay." "Take Mommy's bag." "Your girlfriend's very pretty." "She's not my girlfriend." "Anyway, you've got no complaints, right?" " Bye." "Hi." "Yeah." "We'll be there in 20 minutes." "Hey, we should celebrate." "Come here, David." "Yeah." "We're looking at my pussy." "Oh, good." "Hold still, please." "See?" "I knew it." "You have a beautiful pussy." "You have a nice one too." "No, I don't." "It's ugly." "It looks like it threw up on itself or something." " Yeah, look at it." " What are you talking about?" " It's ugly." "What are you talking about?" "Nothing is wrong." "Believe me, plenty is wrong." "Has anyone-- has a man ever said anything about it?" "No." "Of course not." "But it's not the point." "You want to be beautiful." "But you are beautiful, incredibly beautiful." "Yes, thank you." "But you want to be completely beautiful with no flaw." "I'm happy with how I look generally, but my pussy spoils it." "It drags down the whole thing." "You know anyone that's perfect?" "I'm discussing ideals." "I mean a beauty you cannot separate from outward things." "I'm talking about looking in the mirror and feeling you're one of the angels." "Are you a beast or an angel?" "Can I be a human being?" "No, because a human being is nothing but a question, and the question is beast or angel, beast or God?" "You-- you're obsessing with alarms and everything." "What do you think you're doing?" "Aren't you trying to lift yourself and everyone else up from the bestiality of this awful noise to the heavenly silence?" "That's beautiful." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "So you want to make heaven for the ear." "And I want to make it for the body." "Chris says you'll make it on the ballot." "She's very excited." "Well, it's an easy sell." "Everyone hates alarms." "I guess you're not completely impotent after all." "Winning make you nervous?" "A little." "When are you gonna come home?" "When I'm finished with this." "I have to leave Friday." "Leave?" "For where?" "Moscow, see my dad, school in London." "You knew that." "Yeah." "I didn't know it was so soon." "We're up to 56,000 signatures, but I want to get at least 70,000." "Yeah, I know." "You told me." "You have to be here for the election." "The guys you met today are great." "They'll introduce you to all the right people." "I'll consult by email." "You'll do fine." "I don't want to say goodbye to you." "No, it's perfect." "Your wife threw you out, we had our little thing... now you get to go home a little bittersweet in the heart, be a good father, a good husband." "Anyway, you love Chris." "You love Helen." "You need love." "Could you pull over here, please?" "I've got to pick something up." " I'll talk to you later." " Okay." "Thank you." " Hi." " What's this?" "These are petition signatures." "Petitions for what?" "To get an initiative on the November ballot." "There's a charter revision on the November ballot." "A what?" "A proposal to revise the city charter." "Okay, so?" "You can't have an initiative when there's a proposed charter revision unless the mayor lets them both stand." "Who proposed the charter revision?" "Mayor Schneer." " Why did he do it?" " Well, he didn't tell me, but back in '98 when Giuliani wanted that new stadium on the West Side and the people in Chelsea collected all those signatures for an initiative against it, Giuliani put up a charter revision" "just to bump their thing off the ballot." "Maybe Schneer's doing this to stop that car alarm initiative." "We're the car alarm initiative." "You are?" "Well, there you go." "We spent months working on this." "What is--?" "I hear you, baby, but that ain't gonna help." "You got a problem?" "This thing for sale?" "How much?" "$1500." "You got an alarm in here?" "Yeah." "Could you please move the fucking truck?" "Hey." "So how is it?" "Is it decent?" "Decent?" "It's a piece of shit." "Perfect." "I want to put an alarm in it." " It's already got one." " I know." "I want more." "More?" "How many more?" "How many can it hold?" "Shit, as many as will fit, so long as the battery has the juice to run 'em." "Can you customize them?" "Customize them how?" "I want them to go off when I want, and I want them extra loud." "So this actor-- something happens to his, like, memory, you know, or he's nervous, but he keeps flubbing his lines." "After a while he can't get a job." "Finally, his agent-- you know, agent-- lands him a small part in a play." "It's one line" ""Hark, is that a cannon I hear?"" "So every day he's-- he's practicing this line" ""Hark, is that a cannon I hear?" "Hark, is that a cannon I hear?"" "The play takes place in..." " Chicago." " Chicago." "He goes to the theater." "He's putting on his costume-- "Hark..."" "He gets into the wings." "He's listening for his cue" ""Hark, is that a cannon I hear?"" ""Hark, is that a cannon I hear?" "Hark, hark..."" "He walks out onto the stage." "There is this incredible crash." "So he goes" " Jesus Christ, what the fuck is that?" "What the fuck is that?" "Sounds like a car alarm." "Turn it off now!" "Hey, what are you doing?" "Hey, you mind shutting this thing off, please?" " Huh?" " Shut off the alarm." " Oh, it'll go off in a minute or two." " A minute?" "It's three minutes by law, actually." "It's been going for 30-35 seconds, so..." " Could you open the hood, sir?" " I'm sorry?" "Open the hood, we'll disconnect the cable," " we'll get on with our lives." " I can't do that." " Why?" " It's private property." " It's a public nuisance." " Exactly." "Open the hood!" " It'll go off in about a minute or so." " A minute?" "A minute, if the cutoff works." "In another minute that thing is gonna fucking kill" "Tow this fucking guy." "Call the precinct." "Call towing." "Okay, let's move this thing." "Hey!" "Hey, open the hood." "Let's go." "I can't hear you." "Open the fucking hood." "Can't hear you." "Wanna fuck with me, huh?" "I'll fix your ass." "Can somebody please shut that thing off?" "The guy is not right." "I called a tow truck." "They'll be here in a couple of minutes." "Don't tell me two minutes." "Turn that thing off or I'll rip it out and throw it through the fucking windshield myself." "Is this your car?" "Can you turn that thing off?" "It'll go off in a couple of minutes." " Can you turn that off?" " No, I can't, sir." "What about that controller, beeper?" "I can't get it to work." "You're crazy." "Open the hood." "Open the hood." "If you could get the hood open" " I'm trying, is locked..." " What are you doing?" " It's under control." " Under control?" " Why don't you shoot the fucking alarm?" "Hey!" "You watch your language!" " It is private property." " My ears are private property!" "And my hearing." "My wellbeing... is being brutalised by..." "Sir, you are disturbing, in fact, assaulting everybody in this neighbourhood." "Yes!" " you should be arrested and charged with that!" "" " Yes!" "The alarm will go off in a couple of minutes." "I cannot..." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" " Okay." " Alright, come on." "Jesus, I can't hear." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Sorry." "Whoa!" "Take him!" "Take him away!" "Him.. that's the Rectifier!" "It is Raymond T. Gilson, a federal judge." "Judge?" "Bullshit!" "That's the Rectifier!" "Get him!" "Get him!" "Come on." "Hold him!" "16 counts, 78 years!" "Got you, got you!" "Next on the docket Raymond T. Gilson, plaintiff, seeking damages from David Owen, defendant." "The mayor was very upset." "In fact, he failed to close the deal he was negotiating with the Japanese." "So, I guess, you could say Mr. Owen cost the city 4,500 jobs." "Can you estimate the effect of that on the tax base?" "They were high-tech, high-paying so, I would imagine the loss would be in the tens of millions." "My wife get terrible migranes." "This man's alarm brought on an attack that lasted three days." "I thought he was a judge." "What's he doing in the witness' stand?" "He is a judge." "He's a plaintiff in this trial." "Two judges?" "Well, they shouldn't do that way, it is too confusing." "There will be no talking from the jury." " I was just... making an observation." "Sorry, Your Honour" "Does the defense have any questions for this witness?" " Your Honour..." " David, let me handle this..." "No, I insist." "Judge Gilson going back to the afternoon of May 19, when the incident in question occured..." " Don't tell me that one is a judge too!" " No, he's an idiot." " At that time..." " They are all idiots." " Shh!" " Don't shush me!" "I believe your have said, and I quote:" "That noise is disturbing, actually, assaulting everybody in the neighbourhood." "I am not claiming here that you assaulted anyone." "But you are a judge, you understand the law." "Assault does not require an actual physical blow, does it?" "It's true." "If went up to someone, raised your arm suddenly as though you were going to strike them, freightened them, it feels like an attack." "That's assault..." "So, legally speaking the alarms that went off on 5th Avenue that afternoon... were, in fact... an assault." "That's true." "Mr. Owen, you realise that the evidence you are presenting tends to support the plaintiff's case, not your own?" "Your Honour, if may I continue, I think you will understand where I'm going." "Judge Gilson, would you agree that your experience that afternoon was a bit like being hit?" "struck?" "Yes, unquestionably." "So, it wasn't just assault." "It was battery as well." " Yes." "What about the grinding of garbage trucks?" "What about when when a motorcycle owner removes the baffles... and the sound is as loud as a jet engine coming down your street?" " Where is he going with this?" " Some day, some day..." "When we finally spent the money on quieter garbage trucks... which they already have in many European countries when we have banned the utterly useless car alarms and the constant assault people will look back on the way we live today" "and they will not understand how on Earth we we put up with this." "Yes, and what about these loud car stereos?" " Excuse me, what did you just say?" " Is he talking to me?" " Yes, I think it is." " Mr. Owen, we are going to have a mistrial here please proceed with your examination, Mr Owen." " I am saying what about these car stereos..." " Boomboxes!" " you can't hear yourself think!" " They should not be allowed." " Order, please!" "What about these trucks idling in front of your window?" " The noise drives me crazy!" " Order!" " Order!" " ...dryer that shakes the whole apartment building." " Silence in the room!" " ...ice cream trucks?" "they play the same song over and over again!" " What about these manhole cover?" " ...taxis driver with their neighbour learning to play the drums?" "doorman with the taxi call whistles?" "Order!" "Mr. Owen, please proceed." "That's all I have to say, Your Honour." "Thank you for your patience." "We find for the for the plaintiff and order Mr. Owen to pay Judge Gilson one hundred thousand dollars." "Your Honour, if it pleases the court..." "I am sure Mr Owen and I can come to a satisfactory arragement." "Please file a stipulation of settlement within the next 10 days." "Court is adjourned." "Congratulations, you've lost." "You lost but you won." "Now we have a precedent." "The noise can be assault and battery." "Thank you." " I should forget about my bill, right?" " Probably." "Excuse me!" "Congratulations!" " You are an example to us all." " Thanks." "You are a hero, Daddy!" "You know that freeway sign on 131 Street?" "I don't drive." "Neither do I!" "It caused, like, five or six accidents, distracting the motorists." "I'm gonna get a cab." "Plus you have that strange sign for bananas shove in your face." " Don't you hate that shit?" " I thought they took that down." "There is another one, it's even worse." "We used to be able to see all these beautiful beaux arts buildings up on riverside... and now they are blocked with these giant TV screens." "Do you know what I'm going to do?" "I am going to blow the fucking thing up." "You wanna in?" "Let's go!" "You wanna in?" "No, thanks." "Oh, I get it." "So, suddenly you are this big shot, the rest of us don't matter." "You just go home, cultivate your fucking garden, right?" "Exactly." "Good luck." "She was right about the sign, of course." "But I did not want think about that." "Still, she reminded me of something that happened the first time I was arrested back in the 24th precinct." "What did he do?" "Busted into a car whose alarm was going on." "Who is going to take him down to central booking?" "Broke into a car because the alarm was going on?" "Jesus Christ!" "What if everybody did that?" "If everybody did that people would turn off their damn alarms, wouldn't they?"