"It's another TMI story." "You've had Wade on the show five times in six weeks." " What's the story gonna be?" " It's gonna be that you're trying to get your boyfriend elected to Congress." "You can't think I used you to raise his profile." "I know for sure you didn't use me." "Plus, nobody in his right mind would risk losing you." " You look really nice tonight." " Yeah?" "Definite yes, yeah." "I didn't know that I was in love with you, too, until" " You cheated on me with your ex-boyfriend." " That's what happened!" " It's been three years." "Time hasn't helped?" " No." "I want to give you five minutes every night to talk about where we are and how we got here." "There are people more qualified than I am." "Yeah, the thing is, they're not going to have your legs." "I would not ask you if I didn't think you were qualified." "Come after me all you want, Nina, but you touch my staff and I will rededicate my life to ruining yours." "...$223 billion, putting an edge on the current fight on Capitol Hill about how deeply to cut this year's spending, along with projections that it would bring the debt ceiling-- excuse me-- the deficit to 1.6 trillion," "ensuring that the debt ceiling will be hit during this fiscal year." "That's News Night." "Thanks for washing us" "Watching us." "Let me get out of here." "Will McAvoy is coming up with the Capitol Report from Washington." " I'm Terry-- no." " Wow." " That's not true." " End the broadcast." " I'm Will McAvoy." " Attaboy." "Terry Smith is coming up, mercifully, with the Capitol Report from Washington." "Good night." " What is wrong with you?" " I'm fine." " "Thank you for washing us"?" " Think people noticed?" "I do." "Stand here on this spot." " What are you doing?" " Administering an eye exam." " Excellent." " Read the top line." " E." " Next line." "I don't know why people think there's a problem with health care in this country." " Our current system is fine." " Next line." "L-G." "The next line, R-T-Z." "The Greek letter for pi, the geometric symbol for congruent, and something off the table of natural elements." "Great, put your tie back on and get in the studio so we can retape that for the West Coast." "What's the problem?" "I didn't get much sleep last night." " How much is not much?" " None." " Seriously?" " I went to bed at midnight, didn't fall asleep." "Is this the first time that's happened?" " No." " Is it the second time?" "I'm having a little bout with insomnia." "Have you tried Ambien?" "I don't want to wake up in the middle of the Triborough Bridge eating scrambled eggs in my pajamas." "How those eggs got into my pajamas I'll never know." "You shouldn't do Groucho." "Seriously, you need to sleep or you're gonna forget to thank people for washing us." "I'm seeing my guy tomorrow at 10:00." " Who's your guy?" " Abe." " Who's Abe?" " Dr. Habib." "You're still seeing Abe?" "That's wonderful, Will." "Everyone could use a little therapy." "And you a lot more than most." "I'm glad you're doing that." " Well..." " You've been skipping appointments?" "Sometimes." "When was the last time you saw him?" " What's today, the 12th?" " Yeah." " About four years ago." " Why did you stop seeing him?" " I've kept the appointments." " What does that mean?" "I've had an appointment every Wednesday at 10:00." "I just don't go." "You've been paying him for four years?" " Don't be ridiculous." " Thank God." "I have a business manager who does that." "Why don't you read a magazine?" "No, I've already read that issue of Cat Fancy cover to cover and I'm saving American Stamp Collector for a long plane ride." "All right." "Why not just go to your regular doctor?" "When I go to my internist, he asks me questions." "It's a half-hour interview before he puts on a stethoscope." " What kinds of questions?" " I don't know." " How you feeling?" " Asshole." "Here, read Vegan Health." " Will?" " Yeah." "I'm Jack Habib." "Come on in." "Are you Abe's son?" " I am." " Nice to meet you." " You, too." "Come on in." " Is your dad inside?" "No." "I can wait out here." "My father died two years ago and I took his practice." "Come on in." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." "Wait, what?" "Will, I'm Dr. Jacob Habib, son of Dr. Abraham Habib." "My father passed away and his patients now see me." "You've been paying me for two years." "Come on in." "How old are you?" "I'm 29." "Shut up." " Can you write prescriptions?" " Yeah." "Let's go." " I'll be two minutes." " All right." "So if you're 29" "Don't try to count backwards." "I did everything early." "So unless you're certain you've got a Doogie Howser joke I haven't heard, why don't we just assume it was hilarious and move on?" " Okay." " So what's going on?" "I need something to help me sleep." " Why?" " I can't sleep." " Why?" " I don't know." "Any recent change in diet?" "I haven't changed my diet since college." " You should." " I invented a new sandwich." "Scrambled eggs, bacon, and melted cheese on toast." "I make two of them every night before I get into bed." "You invented an Egg McMuffin." " Getting enough exercise?" " I have to scramble the eggs." " And other than that?" " No." "Look, any kind of sleeping pill will do." "Sure." "Just talk a little bit?" "Oh, God, please, let's not." " You're still taking Effexor?" " No." " Clonazepam?" " No." " Ativan?" " No." "Four years ago, you were on 135mg of Effexor" " plus Clonazepam and Ativan at bedtime." " I'm not anymore." " Why is that?" " I was cured." "These are all antianxiety medications." "And I have no more anxiety." "Except for not being able to sleep." "Right, so if you'll just give me a prescription for" "Yeah, I'm going to." " Just a few more questions." " Okay." "Any extra stress at work?" "Extra stress?" " Yeah." " No." " No extra stress?" " No." " One more question." " Sure." "What are you fucking around with me for?" "I'm sorry?" "What are you fucking around with me for?" " I just asked if there's any extra stress at work" " There isn't." "There isn't." "What about the death threat?" "You know about that?" "Anyone who reads a newspaper knows about that." " It's truly not a big deal." " No?" "Jack, can I get the prescription?" "Just tell me how a death threat isn't a big deal." "I used to be a criminal prosecutor." "And I'm telling you nobody who's serious about killing you sends you a note beforehand to warn you." "The gentleman who is with you in the waiting room, he's a bodyguard, right?" "Yeah, but you shouldn't-- That's the" "Our insurance company makes that decision." "Based on what?" "They have experts who determine whether a cret is threadible" "Threat is credible." "And why do they think the threat is credible?" "Nine questions ago, you said one more question." "Why do they think the threat is credible?" "Because I changed the rules of the comment section of our website." "That's all." "I changed the rules of the comment section." "As always, or at least since Monday, we end our show with your own viewer comments on our website." "So let's see what we have tonight." "LollypopLollypop says, "30 more seconds and you would have had that self-loathing hypocrite in tears."" "That" " That was absolutely not my intention." "SurrendrDorothee said, "Your Log Cabin closet case hit the Uncle Tom Daily Double-- a traitor to his race and a traitor to his sexual orientation."" "Don't blow a gasket." "He's plainly not a closet case." "He's openly gay." "I also think he showed a lot of courage coming on the show." "Certainly more courage than it takes to post an anonymous comment on a website." "Terry Smith's coming up from Washington with the Capitol Report." "I'm Will McAvoy." "Good night." "We're out." " Neal!" " Believe me, those were the best two we had." "Why didn't we just hit him in the head with a shovel?" " We've got to talk about what just happened." " I'm trying to." "Not the website." "We've got to talk about what happened on the air." " I don't want to talk about it." " Were you outside your body?" "I don't want to talk about it." "I want to talk about the website." "The website's not the problem right now." "It's my problem right now." "We're putting up these comments" " We've heard this before." " But we're still doing it." "It's a trade with Reese." "The page views offset the ratings drop." "Is there any way of knowing if LollypopLollypop is 10 years old?" "Or a basset hound?" "The reason basset hounds have such long ears is so they can waft up the scent when they're hunting." " Is there any way of knowing?" " No." "Is there any way of knowing if LollypopLollypop" " and SurrendrDorothee are the same person?" " No." "Who posts comments on the Internet more," " people who are content or people who are incontent?" " Discontent." " What?" " It's discontent, not incontent." " It's about 30-1 incontent." " Discontent." "Final question:" "In your wildest dreams, can you imagine Walter Cronkite saying LollypopLollypop as many times as I have in the last 10 minutes?" "Not unless he was in an a cappella doo-wop group, no." "He wasn't." "Here's what I'd love." "You want to join the discussion, fine." "I want to know your name, age, occupation," " and level of education." " Oh, God." "The thing about the Internet is it's a populist tool." "Populists have names, too." "William Jennings Bryan, Will Rogers, me." " Will." " Unless you're Deep Throat or in the Witness Protection Program, anonymity is cowardice." "You're in a mob." "You're lobbing smack from the cheap seats." "Don't we have bigger fish to fry than the" "Yes, but we can fry more than one fish at a time." "And how could we possibly verify someone's name," " age, occupation, and level of education?" " Neal?" "We implement a third-party verification service." "All you had to say was, "We can't"" " and the conversation would have been over." " So it is possible?" "It's what the IRS uses when you're filing online." "Talk to me, Tonto." " We can do it if you want." " Oh, I want." "Won't the result be that nobody posts comments on our website anymore?" "First of all, oh, no." "What will we do without feedback from SurrendrDorothee?" "And second, the result will be our website will ghettoize every other website." "The result will be civility in the public square and a triumph of populism." "I'm going to single-handedly fix the Internet." " What could possibly go wrong?" " Will!" " What?" " We have to talk about what just happened." "No, we don't." "We're just gonna move on." "And when did you get the death threat?" "I don't know." "A day after the mosque interview." "We know that an Islamic trend is to build large mosques on the cherished sites of conquered lands." " You're talking about Cordoba." " That's exactly right." "When Muslims conquered Cordoba, Spain, they tore down churches and synagogues and put mosques in their place." "Ms. Greer, Muslims conquered Cordoba in the year 712." "Do you think we can call something that last happened in the 8th century a trend?" "She'll say, "Why does it have to be at Ground Zero?"" "Anyone being honest about the prospect of a mosque being built so close to Ground Zero would say it instinctually feels wrong." "Is it legal?" "Of course it is." "Is it wrong?" "Of course it is." "It should be built somewhere where the 9/11 families don't have to feel the agony of having a shrine to their loved ones stomped upon." "All over America we're seeing the influence of creeping Islam." "We are?" "What about those who would impose Sharia law?" "Women can be stoned to death for committing adultery." "No, they can't." "Actual laws are the only laws that are enforceable, including the one that says you can't create religious laws." "And the US is in no more danger of coming under Sharia law than it is the rules of Fight Club." "Let me ask you something." "Muslims the world over are fighting a civil war over the direction Islam is taking." "Are you going to be stationed at the door of that mosque to turn radicals away?" "Can you guarantee that the current imam is going to be the same imam 10 years from now?" "It's worth pointing out that it's not a mosque." "It's a community center." "I'm not sure why you think that makes it better." "What business does a community center have in the religion business?" "And then pivot to the larger point." "I want the art and graphics reviewed three times before air." "Ms. Greer, you mentioned creeping Islam." "Are you concerned about creeping Christianity?" "Only that it's not creeping fast enough." "Okay, here are some things done on American soil in the name of Christianity." "The Ku Klux Klan burned down black churches, raped women, murdered civil rights workers, murdered children, and terrorized communities for over a century." "The neo-Nazis all acted and continue to act in the name of white Christian supremacy." "The Army of God fatally attacks abortion clinics and doctors across the country." "The Covenant, The Sword, and The Arm of the Lord targets local police and federal agents." "The federal building in Oklahoma City, the attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan, and the successful assassinations of Martin Luther King," "John F. Kennedy, John Lennon, and Abraham Lincoln, all perpetrated by Christians." "Ms. Greer, we weren't attacked by Muslims." "We were attacked by sociopaths." "And I, for one, would join you in protesting a community center for the criminally insane." "But no one is suggesting building one." "Here's the thing about the Japanese." "Where we tend to hype things up, they go the other direction." "You think they're lowballing Fukushima?" "I don't know anything about nuclear reactors, and I'm not at all involved in this story." "I'm just saying I wouldn't take their word for it it's a level five." "Excuse me, Will." "There's a comment on your website you need to see." "Ah, now I get to say who is it from?" "What do they do?" "It's serious." "From about 25 minutes ago." ""Fucking sand niggers should get herded and slaughtered." "I've got a bullet for you, too." "You think I'm fucking around?" "2 Hudson Street, 27."" " Is 2 Hudson 27" " It's my address and apartment number." "Alice Cynkar, an English professor at OSU." "It wasn't written by an English professor and it wasn't written by Alice Cynkar." "How much effort does it take to scam the new system?" "You've got to want it pretty bad." "Millie, it's Mackenzie." "Would you tell him we're coming right up, please?" "They could have stolen our password." " How hard is that?" " Hard." "We implemented complex password requirements on the site because we knew it was catnip for some sophomore at MIT." "It would take an average computer 57 days to get in." "And that's with someone who knows what they're doing." "How many days has the new system been up?" " Three." " Jesus." " Will." " Everybody relax." "Neal just said it." "It's a college kid pledging a frat." "With a death threat?" "No." "Charlie, I want a body on him until this guy's in handcuffs." " No way." " You're not gonna have a choice." " The insurance company makes that call." " Come on." "Listen to me." "This goes to AWM security right now." "Security's got to show it to the insurance company." "And that's going to trigger some kind of protection." "Wouldn't it make more sense for me just to wear a different disguise every day?" "One more thing." "There's gonna be a tabloid story." " Good." "Yeah." " What did I do?" "Is it possible Maggie filed a complaint with HR saying that you created a hostile work environment?" "No, it's not possible." "Maggie wouldn't complain if her hair was on fire." "Someone else did on her behalf." "And it was a while ago before you got here." "Thanks." "Would you excuse us for a second?" "Sure." "Why don't we try to fully investigate the anatomy of these stories?" " No, we're gonna fully investigate Will." " Of course." "I want you to assign a team to do opposition research on Will." "Let's call it Operation Involuntary Colonoscopy." "I just want to know what the next tabloid story is before it happens." "You won't be able to pin nothing on me, Mugsy." "'Cause I've lived my life straight as the Kingston Trio." "I'm not fucking around!" "You know, when you're grumpier than I am, we've switched roles." "Ask him what's the current state of the reactors." "What did he say?" " What did he say?" " His daughter's on the diving team." "They came in second at regionals." " Did he understand the question?" " Did you?" "I haven't spoken to him in two years." "We're catching up." "How does a company like TEPCO not have a spokesperson who speaks English?" "I don't know." "What is the current state of the reactors?" "Tanaka-san..." "Units one and three have had explosions due to hydrogen buildup." "They're currently stable, but they're not safe to enter." "What are they doing to contain the situation?" "What's going on with Will?" "Internal security is handling it." "But I have to give you a rotten assignment." " You got gum in your hair again?" " No." "Yes, but I got it out." "I need you to do opposition research on Will." "Seriously?" "About a year ago, somebody filed a complaint with HR on your behalf." "I know what that was." "Will didn't do anything wrong." "This is ridiculous." "I know, but Charlie wants to know what else is out there so he can" " Will knows we're doing this?" " Of course." " And he's okay with it?" " No, he hates it." " Fantastic." " Go to work." " Have you done this before?" " Yeah." " Where do we start?" " Tell me about the complaint." "There was a desk producer who saw Will yell at me about something." " What?" " Doesn't matter." "What?" "Doesn't matter." " I mixed up Georgia the state with" " No." " Yes, Georgia the country." " And this was..." " Yup." "This isn't about me." " ...during the invasion?" "You thought the Russians invaded Atlanta?" "In retrospect, it seems farfetched." "But that wasn't what he was actually mad about." "The wife of a board member died and Will asked me to send flowers." "I wrote on the card, "I'm so sorry about your loss." "LOL."" " LOL?" " I thought it meant "lots of love."" "How are you still working here?" "I dodge bullets." "Here comes a bullet." "Boom!" "I'm over here." "Ping!" "Here comes another bullet." "Boom!" "I'm over here." "Ask him if TEPCO's gonna try to keep the reactors going." "Tanaka-san..." "They're classified at level five and they think they'll be able to get the reactor going." "Guys, do me a favor and let us have a minute?" "Anybody know where Sloan Sabbith is?" " Sloan!" " Shh!" "She's on the phone." "All right, she's off the phone." "Here are the notes." "It's gonna go to level seven." " Holy shit." " You got a minute?" "Fukushima's a lot worse than they're telling you." " I need you to fill in for Elliot tonight." " This is what the Japanese do." " They" " Wait, what?" " I need you to fill in for Elliot at 10:00." " Why?" " His five-year-old's having a tonsillectomy today." "Elliot's gonna spend the night in the hospital with her." " Was it an emergency?" " No, it was scheduled a week ago." "And you're just getting around to this now?" " I..." " Forgot?" " Yes." " You have a staff." "They can write these things down." "They can, but I have to remember to tell them to." "So what do you say?" "You're my first and only choice." " What about Jerome?" " He's in Bermuda." " Kathy?" " It's her parents' 50th anniversary." " Taylor?" " Bronchitis." " So..." " Yes, you were my fourth and only choice." "I can't host Elliot's show." "Don't be ridiculous." "You host your own show at 4:00." " About financial news." " You're expanding." "Oh, come on." "I gained four freaking pounds." "No, professor." " Right, expanding." " Yeah." " No, I'm not doing it." " Your copy will be written for you to approve." "You've got Marco Rubio, Sandra Bernhard" "Sandra Bernhard's been dead for 100 years." " That's Sarah Bernhardt." " She'd be a good guest." " I hate my life." " Hmm?" "Nothing." "And the spokesperson for TEPCO." " I just got off the phone with him." " See?" "You're perfect." "I was just doing a favor for these guys." "I don't know anything about" "Thank God my first five choices weren't available." "I thought there were only three." "Let's not get caught up in the math." "If you want a wardrobe change after the 4:00, we have Gucci ready to send over some choices." " Gucci?" " A whole rack of choices." "Your copy will be ready for your approval after 9:00 along with your questions, and I will be in your ear the whole time." "Except for Fukushima, you're mostly throwing to packages." " They've been lowballing the radiation levels." " I'd take their word for it." " The Japanese have some experience with radiation." " You think that's something" "That is not something you should mention on the air." " Oh, God." " Mr. Will McAvoy." "You're not here to do my taxes, right?" "My name's Lonny Church." "Mr. Horn at AWM Security told you I'd be here at this time." "I'll tell you right now I'm gonna hate this." "I'll tell you now I'm not gonna care." " Let's go in my office for a minute." " Sure." "It's not a real threat." "I don't make that decision." "Lonny Church?" "Did you play college football?" "Yes, I did." "Defensive tackle." "Started three years for Clemson." " And then?" " Got drafted in the eighth round by the Bengals." " And then?" " Got cut five weeks into training camp." "Excellent." "Joined the Army, became an MP." " Where were you deployed?" " New Jersey." "You see a lot of action in New Jersey?" "See a lot of action in your studio?" "I'll be doing the jokes, okay?" " After you were discharged?" " Honorably." "I joined Blue North Security." "Who else's body have you guarded?" " We don't talk about that." " Okay." "Kanye." "It was awesome." "Are you armed?" "I secure my weapon in a gun safe when I come in the building." "Keep it there." "I really don't want an armed guard." "Maybe if you were drafted in the first four rounds, I'd feel safer." " Mr. McAvoy." " You can call me Will." "Yeah, I was gonna do that anyway." "I know you're used to being the boss." "But you're not anymore." "At least for a little while." "How long?" "Until my colleagues chase down the source of the threat or, of course, if you've been successfully assassinated." " A joke?" " What'd you think?" "It was all right." "How does this work?" "I pick you up at your home in the morning and escort you to your office." "Then I pick you up at your office at night and escort you to your home." "I'm with you any place that's an unsecured area." "What's an unsecured area?" "Anyplace that isn't your home or your office." "I'm single." "What about a date?" "I don't think we should get romantically involved." "You get one joke a day." " Come on in." " I say that." " I'm sorry." "You got a second?" " Yeah." "I'll leave you." "Sloan, this is Lonny." "You'll see him around." " Good to meet you." " Wow." " Can I tap your chest?" " Sure." "Holy cow." " Have you felt his pecs?" " No, I haven't yet." "I'll be downstairs." "So I'm hosting Elliot's show tonight." "I know." "I'm the one who suggested you." "You really think I can do it?" "No, I have no idea." "So we're gonna find out." "All right." "Well, your exuberant confidence notwithstanding," " I have the spokesperson" " From TEPCO, I know." "He just told me, off the record, that reactor three is causing what is a level seven, not a level five radiation leak." "What's the trick to getting him to say it on the record?" "There is no trick." "You just don't stop until he tells the truth." "What do you mean you don't stop?" "I mean you don't stop." "Sloan, I watch your show at 4:00 and you're brilliant." "But you let guests say things that I know you know aren't true." "And then you just move on." "Ask the damn follow-up and then demonstrate with facts how the guest is lying." "You can't just sit there and be a facilitator for whatever bullshit the guest wants to feed your viewers." "They're not coming on to plug a movie." "It's not Jimmy Kimmel." "You knowingly, passively, allow someone to lie on your air, and maybe you're not a drug dealer, but you're sure as hell the guy who drives the dealer around in your car." "So maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't." "Show me something." " Got it." " Do you?" "Yeah." "I just" " I don't know." "I was in a bad mood." "Honestly, I was just trying to motivate her." "She's the last person who needs motivation," " so it just ended up..." " Scaring her." "I hate that people are scared of me." " I absolutely hate it." " Why?" "Why do I hate when people are scared of me?" "For the same reason everybody does." "Everybody doesn't." "Some people like it." "Most people don't care." "I don't know what to tell you." "I don't like it." "And I'm pretty sure I scared Sloan because she's a veteran reporter who's never done anything like what she did." "What's the condition of each reactor?" " All six reactors are in stable condition." " Great, let's wrap up." "What about the partial meltdown at reactor three?" "Wrap up for me." "Excuse me, that's not what I asked." "I'm asking him specifically about the core damage at reactor three." "What's happening?" "We know of no core damage at any of the reactors." "That's not what Mr. Tanaka just said." "He said our engineers can't get close enough to confirm that." "Please translate exactly what I'm asking and exactly what Mr. Tanaka is answering, including what I'm saying now, because I want him to be aware that he's being misrepresented." "Miss Sabbith, I am translating." "He is not being mis" "Ask him if he believed the radiation levels are going to a seven." "Please, please, don't go rogue." "The radiation was categorized at level four and then recategorized at level five." "And that's where it should remain." "Ma'am, he didn't say that's where it should remain." "You did." "Furthermore, he told me-- You know what?" "I'm just gonna" "Tanaka-san..." "And now we're doing the broadcast in Japanese." "We'll be right back after this." "Just say that." "Say it in English." "She just-- Put me back!" "Mr. Tanaka, your company had this incident rated at level four, then adjusted to level five." "How confident are you that that'll be the highest level we see?" "At least we're back to English." "At this point, we see no reason that level will need future escalation." "Well, that's simply not what Mr. Tanaka told me on the phone earlier today." " No, no." " When I spoke with him earlier, he said there's enough evidence to raise the level to seven." " Go back to Japanese." " And now he's not saying it, so I am." " Oh, my God!" " So there it is." "The Fukushima nuclear power plant is saying that the level four radiation leak that was raised to level five has a chance at being raised to level seven, which is the difference between life and gruesome death." "We'll be back after this with Sarah Bernhardt." "Sandra Bernhard, you idiot!" "Oh, what the hell does it matter?" " Okay..." " 'Sup?" "Okay, I know we were on sketchy ground ethically and linguistically, but" "Whatever you're gonna say, save it for another 10 seconds." "What happens in 10 seconds?" "Just hang on for another five seconds and know that we've all been there at one point or another." "What happens in five seconds?" "What in the name of holy fuck were you thinking about?" "!" "First, let me say that Don was not responsible for that." "Yeah, when you severed communication with the EP, you pretty much absolved him of responsibility." "But that doesn't make the cut of the top three calamities" " that just occurred." " Charlie" "I, along with most people who don't live in Japan, am not fluent in Japanese, so I have to ask:" "Did you just make up statements for somebody we had live on our air?" " I didn't make them up." " About a deadly radiation leak?" "I didn't make them up." "He told me the reactor was going to a seven." "When?" "Tonight?" "I'm asking honestly because there was a portion of the broadcast that turned into a Kurosawa movie." "These things are measured on a scale of zero to seven." "Five is Three Mile Island, a seven is Chernobyl." "On air, did he say the reactors were going to seven?" "He said it to me in the preinterview." "And then the company stuck an interpreter next to him, and I think her job was more than interpreting because she wasn't accurately translating" "We don't report what you think, Sloan." "The guy said all six reactors are stable." "The Japanese are a deferential people." "It's very hard for them to explain when they've done something wrong." "I don't give a shit, Madame Butterfly!" "And right now the Japanese, who are reading an online report of your report, are fleeing from their fucking homes." "Now tell me what he said tonight on air." "He said the reactors were at five." "But you said he said they would move to seven." "I made it clear he said that during the preinterview." "First of all, let's not kid ourselves." "There was nothing that was clear about that interview." "He said it to me, and he said it to a conference room full of staffers." " The staffers weren't there." " The staffers were not there." "I sent them out so we could speak privately and off" "No, finish that sentence." "Off the record." "Good luck trying to get a source to talk to you off the record again." "You have no value to me as a reporter now." " Charlie!" " And I have to suspend you." " Come on." " What?" "I have to suspend you while we bring in outside investigators to comb through every report you've filed in the last two years to find out what other shit you made up." "I didn't make anything up." "I would never make anything up." "I know that and you know that and he knows that, but why the hell should anyone else know that?" "You're suspended with pay until I figure out" " They were lying about a public safety issue." " You're suspended with pay" "I don't want the goddamn pay!" "Don't front off with me, girl!" " Don't call me girl, sir." " Hey!" "Everybody calm the fuck down." "Sarah Bernhardt was a turn-of-the-century stage and film actress from France." "Sandra Bernhard is a..." "I don't know what the hell." "There's no way she does that if I hadn't given her my awesome pep talk." "Are you close with Sloan?" " Are we close?" " Yeah." " Why?" " Just asking." " You seem very protective." " We didn't used to be." "But she's become, I don't know." "I don't know, like a little sister to me or something." "Your father was an abusive alcoholic?" "What?" "Your father, he was an abusive alcoholic?" "I didn't say that." "But he was, right?" "You got that in the 40 minutes that I've been sitting here that seem like a week and a half?" "It's in the notes my dad left." "Can I have a prescription now?" " He hit you?" " Come on." "He hit you, right?" "How many times did you see Good Will Hunting?" " He hit you?" " Yes." " He hit your mother?" " Yes." "You have a brother and two sisters." "He hit them, right?" "Look, he didn't hit anybody once I was old enough to hit him back." "And when was that?" "Will, how old were you when you had to protect your mother, your brother, and your two little sisters from a grown man who was drunk and violent?" "Fifth grade." "I cracked a bottle of Dewar's across his face." "It's in your notes." "Why are you pursuing this line of" "I'm not trying to be an asshole." "I just want a sleeping pill." "I'm gonna give you one, but I doubt it's gonna work." "Let's give it a try." "You've got another 15 minutes on your session." "I didn't come here for a session." "You could have gotten sleeping pills from your internist." "Shit, you could have got them online." "I didn't go to my internist because he asks too many questions." "You didn't go to your internist because he doesn't ask you the right questions." "I didn't come here for a session." "I think you did." "I'm checking on the opposition research." "Maggie was detained by the police for attempting to blow up her parents' house." "He's overstating it." "My cousins and I wanted to shoot guns at soda cans." "Where did you place the soda cans?" " On top of the propane tanks." " Which were in front of?" "The diesel fuel combine." "But I'm an excellent shot." "The Deep South could have used you when the Russians invaded." "Will." "How's the opposition research on Will?" "He once needed lenses for driving, then didn't." "So he probably had Lasik surgery." "He did." "He registered for the New York Marathon, but didn't finish." "My fault." "I twisted my ankle at the starting line." "He carried me to the first aid tent." "What else?" " He was hospitalized with tuberculosis." " Already knew that." "He was credited on a country album as a guitarist." "He's an accomplished guitarist who occasionally jams with Leonard Cohen." "He got a C-minus in Sociology of Emotion." "It was a clerical mistake." "He never registered for the class." " Then a C-minus is pretty good." " I need something I can use." "Wait, are we trying to protect Will or give you ammunition?" "Thought we could do both." "He contributed $250 to the failed primary campaign of a congressional candidate in Nebraska." " While he was a journalist?" " No." "Nothing I can do with that." "I mean, they-- Nothing they can do with that." "Oh, the candidate was a Republican." " So's Will." " What?" "He's a registered Republican." "The four of you weren't able to uncover that?" "We weren't looking." "He was a speechwriter for Bush 41." "What did you think he was?" "I just thought he did that as a public service." "Or to mess with him like in The Sting." "That's nothing like what happened in The Sting." "Jim got kicked out of his a study abroad semester." " He went to the Arctic Circle." " I wanted to see the penguins." " Those are in the Antarctic." " Lesson learned." "Why'd you get kicked out?" "You're not allowed to fraternize with the Inuit." "He tried to score with an Eskimo." "I was just trying" "I was just trying to get past the disappointment with the penguins." "All right, so there's nothing so far." "Fox offered him a ton of money in 2006 to come to LA and get into late-night." " A talk show?" " Yeah." "He'd have been good at that." "All right, get back to the news." " Did you say 2006?" " Yeah." " How far did it get?" " A deal memo." " You sure?" " Yeah." "All right." "You know that this is stupid." "Just go do your jobs." "I've just heard something I can't believe." "Why don't you attack this woman?" "She doesn't seem that threatening to me." "She's incredibly threatening." "My life is in constant danger when she's around." " I'm Lonny Church." " Mackenzie McHale." " Attack!" " Nah." "Look, I'll be here at 9:00 unless you're leaving the building." "In which case, press pound five on your phone and I'll be here." " Nice meeting you." " Nice meeting you." "Fox offered you a late-night talk show." " Great, when do I start?" " Five years ago." "They offered you the show when we were together." "It was gonna take you to LA and it got as far as the deal memo." "What is it you think you've uncovered?" "This whole time you've enjoyed making me feel guilty for ruining the life we would have had together when, in fact, you never had any intention of marrying me." "No intention of marrying me." "I mean, you never even mentioned it." "You were just gonna go to LA and leave a note?" "Let me tell you something, the days of you being able to lord my mistake over me are behind us." "I've lived a life that is good and pure." "You were deceiving me while I was deceiving you." "You never had any intention of-- What's this?" "I didn't tell you about the Fox offer because it was never real." "I knew I was being used as leverage, and I didn't want to be embarrassed in front of you when it went away." "I was still trying to impress you." "The ring was meant for me?" "But I've lived a life that's good and pure." "Except for..." "Cheating on you." " Could you speak up?" " Cheating on you." " Except for cheating on you!" " There it is." "Okay." "Well, then..." "back to work." "Yeah." "Listen, when you do propose to someone, that's the ring that'll do it." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "So as soon as you heard they were doing opposition research, you ran over to Tiffany and bought the ring?" "That's insane." "I had to send my agent or it would have shown up in the papers." " Will." " I'm gonna return it." "Does that seem normal to you?" "The world is made up of two kinds of people." "The ones who think they're normal and the ones who know there's no such thing." "Great, you took one semester of Intro to Adult Psych." "But the world is made up of a lot more than two kinds of people." "And I was speaking in the psychiatric sense of the word." " Does going out and buying a ring..." " Which I'm going to return." "As a bizarre-- I don't know what to call it-- seem normal to you?" "You weren't around for the exposition." "She had an affair with her ex-boyfriend." "For four months while she was with me." " It's four years later." " And you know why I don't talk about it?" "Because I'm tired of people telling me it's a "just get over it" situation." "Fuck you." "You don't know what it's like in my head." "Sloan Sabbith." "It's a Japanese news report from a few hours ago." "We know they're talking about you, but we don't know what they're saying." ""After releasing incorrect information to the American journalist Sloan Sabbith"" "That's a picture of Elliot and he didn't release incorrect information." "I did." "And it wasn't incorrect." ""After releasing incorrect information to the American journalist Sloan Sabbith..." "TEPCO spokesman Daisuke Tanaka has offered to resign today." "He said, 'I apologize to my company, my government, and my country.'"" "Please, I have to fix this now." "Help me." "I need wisdom." " I have wisdom." " Kenzie, I love you, but a Japanese man's honor is at stake, and sometimes your wisdom leads to... like..." " No, I get it." " Yeah." "Will?" "She'd just been suspended and she's thinking about the other guy's job." "Honor, actually, is what she said." "Meanwhile, she's a punch line on the Internet." " And he's got students, too." " Who?" "Sloan." "She teaches at Columbia twice a week." "You said he." "He's got students." "And you feel that's a breakthrough moment?" "That my subconscious revealed something?" "'Cause I'll be honest." "I'm pretty sure the reason I said he instead of she is that I've been awake for a really long time now." "But those comments weren't on your site, right?" "No, because nobody's gonna say that unless they're anonymous." "And if you don't count the death threat, it worked." "It was bully kryptonite." "No more LollypopLollypop." " What did SurrendrDorothee mean when" " Huh?" "The screen name of the person" " It's what the" " Yeah, the screen name of the person" " Yeah." " On the last night you showed anonymous posts." "It's what the witch wrote in the sky" "I'm not asking what the screen name means." "I'm asking what the person that when he or she said that your guest that night had hit the Uncle Tom Daily Double." "The guest he or she was talking about was a man named Sutton Wall, who was the deputy chief of staff to Rick Santorum, former senator for Pennsylvania who just announced his intention to run for President of the United States." "The list of prospective candidates for the Republican nomination for president may yet include another name." "Earlier this week, former Pennsylvania senator" "Rick Santorum convened an exploratory committee..." "And Sutton Wall is both black and gay." "The senator is perhaps best known for his full-throated advocacy of social issues." "Here to discuss how those positions and others may shape Mr. Santorum's bid for the White House is his former deputy chief of staff Sutton Wall, an adjunct professor of American Studies at Temple University, who will be serving as an advisor to the campaign throughout this process." "He teaches at Temple?" "Yeah." "So he has students?" "Yes, he has students." "And LollypopLollypop said you almost made him cry." "That" " That was absolutely not my intention." "Well, you're hardwired to hate bullies." "Like the way comic book heroes are born out of a childhood trauma." "Santorum was the bully in that situation." "Speaking to the New York Times in May 2005," "Senator Santorum said, "Gay marriage threatens my marriage." "It threatens all marriages." "It threatens the traditional values of this country."" "Mr. Wall, how does gay marriage threaten Mr. Santorum's marriage?" "The senator believes that marriage is defined as the union of one man and one woman." "I understand that's what the former senator believes, but what he said was that gay marriage threatens his marriage and all marriages." "And I'm asking you exactly how it's a threat." "Sanctity of life is the number one issue with Rick Santorum, and he believes" "Mr. Wall, we'll get to purposely vague words like sanctity in a moment." "But I'd like you to try to answer the question." "How is Mr. Santorum's marriage threatened by the gay couple two houses down also being married?" "Will, I was proud to serve on the senator's staff, and I'll be proud to serve and support him should he choose to run for president." "But that doesn't mean I necessarily agree with him on every single issue." "Gay marriage is now legal in five states as well as the District of Columbia." "Has Mr. Santorum's marriage been suffering as a result?" "Has he complained to you that he and Mrs. Santorum seem to be fighting more or talking less?" " Of course not." " Has there been any infidelity in the last seven years or an inability to relate to their children as a result of five states legalizing same-sex marriage?" "This is a preposterous line of questioning, sir." "I'm afraid it has to be, sir, because it's a preposterous assertion." "Now, are you able to name one way in which Mr. Santorum's marriage to Mrs. Santorum is threatened by gay couples also having the right to marry?" "I" " I am not able to name a way." " Thank you." "I could have just stopped it there." "Does it bother you that Mr. Santorum thinks there's something wrong with you that should be fixed?" "Hang on, because I am sick and tired of these attacks, these wrongheaded attacks against a great man and a great public servant." "Reasonable people can disagree about how great a man or how great a public servant Rick Santorum is, but they can't disagree about the fact that he thinks you're a sick deviant who's threatening the fabric of society." "I have known this man for almost a decade, and I can tell you that he has treated me with nothing but respect." "This is Senator Santorum speaking to Fox News." " Easy does it, Will." " No, we're gonna do this thing." "That this is the equivalent, that being black and being gay is the same is simply not true." "There are all sorts of studies out there that suggest just the contrary, and there are people who were gay and lived a gay lifestyle and aren't anymore." "I don't know if that's the similar situation." "I don't think that's the case with anybody that's black." "Mr. Santorum is forgiving you for being black because there's nothing you can do about that." "But you don't have to be gay." "I will say it again." "Mr. Santorum is a great man who would make a great president." "He has never treated me with anything but the utmost respect." "Except for finding you disgusting." " That is a lie." " Will, don't" "Has Rick Santorum on the floor of the US Senate compared homosexuality to incest and bestiality?" "Those remarks have been taken out of context over the years" "Feel free to put the remarks in the proper context." "He makes a clear distinction between homosexuality and homosexual acts." "So he only finds you disgusting when you act like a homosexual?" " He doesn't find me disgusting." " Yes, he does." "And he also thinks you're less than a man." " No, he certainly does not." " Come on." "Our Declaration contains the words" ""We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal."" "In order to arrive at the conclusion that homosexual love is something less than heterosexual love, you have to begin with the premise that a homosexual is something less than a man." "That's inescapable." "And so I'm asking you to explain to me why you would work for a man who believes that you're inferior?" " That you're damaged." "That you're ill." " Stop hitting him." "Unnatural." "A threat to children." "Unfit to serve in the military." "Unfit to be a parent." "And unloved by God." " I'm asking you, sir" " Stop!" "Just stop!" "I believe in the sanctity of life." "And if that word is too vague for you, then look it up." "I support the senator because of all the candidates in the field," "I believe he is the only one whose passion on the issue of abortion equals my own." "And I believe he has the skills to make a fantastic president." "I am not talking-- That's not" "You will not interrupt me again, sir!" "I am more than one thing." "How dare you reduce me to the color of my skin or my sexual orientation?" "There are people who look just like me, thousands and thousands who died for the freedom to define their own lives for themselves." "How dare you presume to decide what I should think is important?" "Yes, when it comes to equality for the gay community," "Senator Santorum is wrong." "But I am far more insulted by your high-handed implication" " that I need your protection." " Sir, I" "Shut up!" "I'll let you know when I'm finished." "I came on this program because Rick Santorum believes that the right to kill an unborn child is not inalienable." "And I stand with Rick Santorum." "And I stand with the Catholic Church." "I am not defined by my blackness." "I am not defined by my gayness." "And if that doesn't fit your narrow-minded expectation of who I'm supposed to be, I don't give a damn because I'm not defined by you either." "So get this through your head." "I don't need your help." "Mr. Wall?" "Does Mr. Santorum think you're fit to be a teacher?" "No." "We'll be back after this." "He has students." "And parents." "And friends." "And colleagues." "And strangers." "I was the bully." "I was the bully." "Mm-hmm." "You've got to give me credit for uniting the far right, the gay community, and blacks in their dislike of me." "The Internet exploded." "Everybody thought I'd become unhinged." "It sort of brought back this thing that happened about a year ago at Northwestern." "When you yelled at a student." "I scared her." "All right." "All right." "That's News Night." "Thanks for washing us" " Watching us." " Let me get out of here." " End the broadcast." " I'm Will McAvoy." " Attaboy." "Terry Smith is coming up, mercifully, with the Capitol Report from Washington." "Good night." "If you're here to make me feel better, it's not necessary." "You think I'm here to make you feel better?" "The story is right." "In this one case," "I don't give a damn about on the record, off the record." " And no one in Fukushima does either." " I do." "The story is right." " His spokesman denied it on the air." " He said it to me." "And you got proof of that I can bounce off our satellite?" " No." " Is Maggie into Jim?" "For Christ's sake, we're talking about radia" " What?" "Am I losing Maggie?" "No." "Are you good at knowing these things?" "No." "Make sure he's at Dr. Habib's office at 10:00 tomorrow." "When are you and me gonna get busy, huh?" "I'm flattered, but you'd crush me." "That's true." "That's happened before." "Dress up like a tailback and he won't be able to lay a hand on you." "Shrimp boat, if I wasn't being paid to keep you alive..." " Let's go." " Hey, girl!" "Do you really have to call her that?" "She's packing up her office." "She's gonna unpack her office 'cause I figured a way out." "What?" "The Japanese words for four and seven sound alike." " Hey, girl!" " Yes?" "Come on down." "I am here." "What's the Japanese word for four?" "Shi." "What's the Japanese word for seven?" " Shichi." " Those words are easy to mix up." " No, they're not." " Yes, they are." "Not for someone who's fluent in Japanese." " You're not fluent in Japanese." " Yes, I am." "No, you're not." "That's how you mixed up the numbers when you were talking to Tanaka in the preinterview." "No, it's for exactly that reason that there are two words for four and two words for seven." "Yon and nana." "And it went from a four to a five to a seven." "That sounds very complicated." "Not if you're fluent in Japanese." "You're not anymore." "You're gonna go on TV tonight during Elliot's show, which I pray to God Elliot is hosting." " He is." " And you're going to apologize and explain your error." "In exchange, Daisuke Tanaka is going to say that you made it clear that you were on the record and he doesn't have to resign and you don't have to be suspended." "We're all just going to lie and I'm going to look stupid." " You bet." "One more thing." " What?" "Fukushima's announcing the radiation levels are a seven." "Thank you." "I don't know what the hell you're thanking me for." "Well, it takes a big man to admit he was wrong." "That isn't even remotely what I am doing." "Hang on, she's got to go on the air and say she made a mistake, that her Japanese is poor" " Which it certainly is not." " Just" " God." "She's gonna go on the air and say she thought it was a seven when it's really a four that then moved up to a five and she's really sorry, but also now it's really a seven?" "It won't be our proudest moment, but it'll save the guy's job." "Save his honor." "Help very slightly with our increasingly dinged-up reputation, and it'll help the girl who we will now go back to addressing as Sloan or Miss Sabbith." "Will." "You want me to lie?" "On television?" "From a news desk with the ACN bug in the corner?" "I do." "And if there's any fallout," "I'll be standing right next to you and in front." "I'll always be standing right next to you and in front." "We fucked up." "Let's just live with that now." "We lied on television from the news desk." "It was a pretty harmless lie, wasn't it?" "You know how many air hours I've spent railing against lying?" "Calling people out on it?" "We're the news and we're all gonna know we lied for the rest of our lives." "All right, so it turns out you know what you're doing." "So I'm sorry I've been a jerk." "Obviously the reason I can't sleep is the Santorum aide." "And I haven't talked to anyone about it, so I was trying" " Bacon." " What?" "The bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches." "Bacon has tyramine, which increases the release of norepinephrine," " which is a neurostimulant." " When did you figure that out?" "When you said you made bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches." " That was like an hour ago!" " Yeah." "Will, listen, and I'm going to write you a mild prescription, but you should come back." "If you don't like me, see someone else." "But see someone." "You've had a lot going on for a long time." "Very serious stuff." "And, by the way, you should be at an Al-Anon meeting at least once a week." "You have a lot going on now." "You're being hunted." "In the press, on the Internet, very possibly literally." "This whole file here from four years ago, every page is about Mackenzie." "In these notes are a lot of evidence that you're experiencing acute depression and doing a masterful job covering it." "That's done." "Buying the ring was not normal." "I don't know what else to call it." "It wasn't normal." "It really doesn't take a team of Viennese specialists to see that you have unresolved issues with Mackenzie." "No, my feelings are completely resolved." "She's a good friend and my most trusted partner." "The ring was just a prank." "I know what you think of all this." "But I would really urge you to spend an hour a week faking it." "That's it." "Our time's up."