"Here's the plan" "We meet in the alley at five to ten." "The bank opens at ten." "When they open, we storm inside." "You tell everybody to stay calm and not to try being heroes" "Then you and I perform a little play I've written." "Here's the script." "I'm the salesman, you're the girl with the mandolin or maybe the other way around." "Then we'll leave the bank, jumping like apaches." "Like this" "I'll go now." "You wait thirty minutes before you go" "See you tomorrow." "Who the hell was that?" "I've no idea" "IKIRU and FLINKULTUR present a film by Björn Engström and Henrik Elmer" "THE MEANING OF HUGO" "How much is it to the airport?" "495 kronor." "Here's 500 Take this bread to the airport." "Excuse me, I'm in a hurry..." "Do you have peanuts?" "Yes." "Excellent." "What kind of bread?" "Just plain bread." "He only said to the airport." "Could you call them and check it up?" "Arlanda airport, good morning." "MUSTARD FOXES by HENRIK ELMER" "I'm looking for the book 'Mustard foxes' by Henrik Elmer" "It should be here." "Wait, I can feel something." "I feel something." "Here it is" "Can I help you?" "Can I help you?" "Is that the real parrot?" "Or is the real parrot the one in the mirror?" "I don't think I can sell that one" "Hello." "Hello hello." "Hello hello." "I'm not a bird, I'm a monkey" "I'm not a bird, I'm a monkey" "Hello, I'd like to leave a message for a friend." "So..." "We have a message for a taxi driver with a loaf of bread." "Thank you for your help." "You can keep the bread." "When not working in her mine, my mother went out to pick socks." "She liked the forest, but she hated trees." "She planned to build a funfair from the socks." "But she only managed a sock omelet, that couldn't even talk." "What a strange book." "I'm not a bird, I'm a monkey" "Good morning, I'd like to put in an ad." "For sale:" "Playful monkey Very kind." "House-trained." "Loves children." "I know." "Every child wants a monkey." "Just like I thought." "You can't drink a bun through a straw." "Help, the bun is trying to drink me." "Help!" "You're out of your mind." "Really?" "Who's mind am I in then?" "Well, well." "Why do I never learn?" "Isn't it strange how I always fall in love with girls in cafés?" "Why do you think you do that?" "No idea." "I don't even like cafés." "Why do you go to cafés then?" "Is it just to meet girls?" "No." "When I want to meet girls, I go to the north of Greenland." "I haven't found any girls there, but I never give up" "Do you have a name?" "Yes, don't you?" "Yes, but it's not just my name." "I share it with some other people." "Hugo." "What name do you share?" "Helen" "Do you wish you were the only one with that name?" "No, I don't mind sharing." "Do you wish you were the only one called Hugo?" "Yes" "Sometimes I want to kill everybody else called Hugo, to avoid confusion." "Are you a bit crazy?" "No, I'm completely normal" "Completely?" "Absolutely completely normal" "What a shame." "Why?" "That means you lack the courage to ask for my phone number." "It looks very normal." "Give me a normal call then." "To our coppermine we go every day to cut wood for the fires which are burning so you can get copper from the mine" "Hey ho hey ho, to our coppermine we go" "Hey ho hey ho hey ho hey ho hey ho hey ho hey" "Hello." "My car broke down." "Could I use your phone?" "Hello?" "Hi, this is Hugo from the café." "Hi." "Where are you?" "Why do you ask?" "I didn't recognise the area code." "That's because I'm in Falun." "Or just outside Falun." "Why are you in Falun?" "I'm visiting a friend." "Would you like to have a drink tomorrow?" "In Falun?" "No, I'm going back home tonight." "Sure, why not." "But I don't know what time I'm free." "Can we speak tomorrow afternoon?" "Alright." "Bye." "Come on now." "Take this chance." "We have 5,000 kronor in the pot, which can soon be yours." "Pick up the phone and answer the question..." "How many wheels are there on a bicycle?" "Call, damn it." "Call." "5,000 kronor can be yours." "Take a chance." "Call now." "I'll give you a clue." "Here it is." "How many wheels are there on a bicycle?" "You seem to need one more clue." "It's not a unicycle or a tricycle." "It's an ordinary..." "Look at me, I am a cow Let me tell you how" "I've been running round the earth ever since my birth" "Cheer up, Tim." "We'll buy you a new cow." "Are you looking for this?" "Yes, where did you find it?" "I couldn't avoid her She was looking for you everywhere." "Twenty people tried to hold her, but she went completely mad" "After trying to eat a bicycle, she ran into a tobacco shop." "She hid behind the till, attempting to look like a camel." "But finally we managed to get her back to you." "Thank you." "By the way." "Do I seem normal?" "Dad and his lawyer had just invented a new board game with an onion as dice and toothbrushes as playing pieces." "It was exciting for three hours, then it got increasingly boring." "To cheer up, they made a prank call to the reception." "As a punishment, they were given loads of dirty sheets which were expected to be washed and ironed in half an hour." "They misunderstood, thinking the sheets would clean themselves." "So although a bit sceptical, they awaited the magic to happen." "Half an hour later, the sheets were of course as dirty as before." "Next day, the lawyer woke up in a small boat on a lake." "Hello." "Right." "We're neighbours." "I'm your neighbour." "I live there." "So I suddenly thought it would be nice if we knew each other a little." "For example, you might like to come over for a cup of tea?" "Now?" "Cause that's a thing neighbours do." "Yes" "But anyway." "I quite like it here, in this building." "How..." "How long have you lived here for?" "So what else do you do?" "Hello?" "Hello." "Has there been someone here who looked like me but with a hat?" "I don't think so" "Good." "If he comes, tell him I'm tired of this." "He can do whatever he likes, but I don't want to see him" "Okay." "Tell him that." "Hello." "Hello." "Has there been someone here who looked like me without a hat?" "Yes He said he's tired of this and he doesn't want to see you again." "Did he say that?" "Yes." "He really said that?" "Yes." "If he comes back, show him this." "Let's see what he says about that" "Hello." "Hello." "Has he been here?" "Yes." "He asked me to give you this." "What is this?" "It's just strange symbols This is so typical of him" "Or is this your idea?" "No" "Did you think this up?" "No" "Tell him he can keep his hat." "Hello." "Hello." "Has he been here?" "Who?" "The guy who had been here?" "Well, then I guess he still has been here." "But has he been here again?" "Who?" "The guy who looks like me but without a hat." "Are you also a twin?" "What?" "You think that was really funny, don't you?" "Who was that?" "The guy with the hat." "Hello?" "Ad?" "What ad?" "The monkey?" "Yes, that's here." "CREAM" "I'll just listen to her heart." "No problems." "Give her those pills, and everything will be fine." "Just one moment..." "This is Åke's pet clinic." "Hi, my name is Hugo." "My fish here in the aquarium has caught an illness" "Some kind of fish illness" "Okay?" "It hasn't eaten for some days and today it's been behaving very oddly" "It seems dizzy and it's swimming around in bizarre patterns." "A moment ago, it started foaming from its mouth." "Is that normal?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Where's the fish?" "Help!" "Make a wish!" "No!" "Help!" "Stop running away!" "You can wish anything!" "No!" "You have three wishes!" "And you can't wish for more wishes!" "Hello?" "Hi." "He just vanished." "We came to look at a monkey." "Oh." "Did you call earlier?" "Yes" "It's a parrot." "Parrots are boring." "I'm not a bird, I'm a monkey" "You moron" "I think they're too big." "What?" "Those pieces of bread are too big." "I think the birds are too small." "They should have made them bigger" "Something funny happened to my son." "He's a taxi driver and someone asked him to rake a loaf of bread to the airport." "And when he came to the airport, did they tell him to keep the bread?" "They do that when there are no planes coming." "But they always have planes coming" "That's what they want us to believe." "Sometimes there are lots of planes, sometimes just one plane a week." "A friend of mine worked at the airport, taking care of the elephants." "They have elephants carrying the luggage to the airplanes and if the elephants are hungry, they might eat a bag." "But they drive the luggage on small cars" "Those are elephants disguised as small cars." "It's very clever." "Give these to your son and thank him once again for his help." "So what have you done today?" "I tried to feed some birds, but they were too small." "Are you never serious?" "If I get serious, something could go wrong" "If my only goal in life is to do strange things, I can't fail." "But what do you want with your life?" "I want the same as everybody else." "An umbrella with my name on it, a wardrobe full of hamsters." "World peace, except in the town of Borås." "So what do you want with your life?" "I'm rather unique" "I want a home, a job, a family." "No hamsters?" "Not necessarily." "Working in an office must be awesome." "No, it's very boring." "It can't be." "There must be lots of funny things to do in an office." "Not if you want to keep your job." "But maybe I don't care about my job." "I'm actually an actor." "Really?" "That's great I love theatre." "In a theatre you can do anything, and nobody thinks you're strange." "That's true." "But it's hard to make a living from it." "Of course." "People don't understand culture." "I think they understand, but the competition is so high" "That's what I meant." "Culture is better than competition." "This reminds me of a thing that happened when I was a child." "Our neighbours had a kangaroo, and it was the kangaroo's birthday so all the other kangaroos in town were going there to celebrate." "But they all had the wrong address, so they ended up in an old school." "And?" "Well, the school was closed down and all blackboards and chalk removed." "Otherwise, a kangaroo could have drawn a picture of a couple in the sunset." "Don't you agree?" "You need help." "So you're happily together again?" "Yes, it feels very good." "The kids are much happier too." "Of course they are" "Something like this?" "Perfect." "And how's your car?" "It's fantastic." "I knew you'd like it." "I like it a lot, thanks" "Well." "Take care." "You too." "Let's see now..." "So how would you like this?" "Do whatever you want to." "I've got enough to brood about." "I've just met a girl, but I'm thinking about leaving her" "Isn't that a pity if you've just met?" "Maybe." "But I'm so happy and excited so I don't know what to do." "Just wait and see what happens" "But what if it goes wrong?" "If I end it now, I'll always remember how good it was" "Won't I?" "Then you'll never know how good it could have been." "But I think I know that." "If I break up, I can keep thinking it would be as good as I think it would and I won't regret anything stupid that I might do later otherwise." "What kind of stupid?" "Any kind of stupid." "I can do lots of stupid things." "It's even hard to stop myself." "Won't you regret if you end it before knowing what'll happen?" "Something like this?" "Do you think it looks good?" "Well, it's not too bad." "You have this then." "How about this one?" "But look at this." "So, how can I help you?" "Is the macaroni included?" "Excuse me" "What are you doing?" "Filling shoes with macaroni" "I see." "And why?" "Well, maybe because it clears up my mind." "Hey!" "Stop doing that!" "The thing is, I've just fallen in love." "Have you ever been in love?" "I can tell you it's very confusing" "That's why I need to do this." "It's a kind of therapy" "Just wait till you fall in love!" "That'll be fun!" "Then you can sit there with your empty shoes!" "TROFA INSURANCE INC." "I need to buy insurance." "Do you want basic insurance?" "I don't know." "Or do you need an advisor?" "Do you have advisors?" "That's exactly what I need" "I hope it's not an idiot I've had enough of idiots." "Hi Lennart..." "I have a client for you." "Pardon me, what kind of insurance?" "Against idiots." "How do you mean?" "I've had enough of idiots I want them to stay away." "I'm afraid that's not how an insurance policy works." "So how does it work then, Mr Know-it-all?" "Well." "Insurance doesn't guarantee that something won't happen." "But if something you're insured against happens, you get money provided the terms and conditions apply." "So if I had been insured, I would have been rich by now?" "Yes." "But we offer no such insurance policy." "You should Lots of people would like that." "There are so many idiots." "There are only idiots." "I see a couple of complications here." "How would we agree on who are idiots?" "That'll be easy" "And who'd want insurance against idiots if there are only idiots?" "Everybody." "Can I ask you, exactly how do these idiots annoy you?" "Well, they mess with my life for their own pleasure." "The other day, I asked a taxi driver how much it would be to the airport." "But then his mother appeared and abused me in a park." "She said I fed the birds in the wrong way" "Apparently, you must feed the birds the way she has decided." "And this random guy came to my place with two children" "He called my parrot a moron." "My veterinarian took me for a fish, just because I whipped some cream." "He ran away screaming 'Help!" "Help!" "'" "But it's me who needs help!" "Here's what we'll do" "I'll talk to my colleagues and see what we can come up with" "And then we'll call you." "How does that sound?" "It sounds something like this." "Yes, but." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Sorry." "I called the wrong number." "Well, thank you for coming." "But you need my phone number, so you won't make a wrong call again." "Write it down here then." "What are you doing?" "Is it your car?" "Yes." "He was crying." "What?" "How can you leave him alone?" "He was devastated." "So all these other cars, are they also crying?" "They're not alone." "They have each other." "Let's go, Dad." "Don't ever leave him again." "Bloody hell." "Don't you have a heart?" "No ice cream in the car." "Maybe the car wants ice cream." "Go back to the madhouse, you fucking moron." "Get in the car now." "The helicopter was full of ginger bread dough" "Its rotor blades spurted out profound poems which fell in the sea hitting a dolphin in the head." "Another poem seemed to be totally incomprehensible until you read it very slowly." "Our first teacher in school consisted of a purple gas which floated around just beneath the ceiling." "After two months without learning anything at all.." "Hello?" "Hi, it's Helen." "What do you mean?" "What?" "You said that it's Helen." "What do you mean is Helen?" "I mean I am Helen." "That's what I thought" "So what are you doing this weekend?" "Some friends and I are going out to an island." "It would be nice if you'd like to join us." "Oh?" "To an island?" "Yes." "It's a real favourite spot And it's good to get out of town." "Yes." "It's a good thing we're not traffic lights." "We'll meet tomorrow morning at nine" "Hi." "Hello there." "How's things?" "Shamelessly good And you?" "Good, but I'm not ashamed." "Helen has met some guy." "Oh really." "Where is he?" "He's coming too." "Let's go now." "Screw him." "DO YOU WANT TO EARN 2,000 KRONOR?" "JOB CENTER" "Hello?" "Yes, that's right. 2,000 kronor." "Hello?" "Yes 2,000 kronor tomorrow." "Hello." "Exactly 2,000..." "What?" "Can't I put notes on the door?" "Why not?" "Hello?" "Yes, that's right It won't even rake half an hour." "You don't have to bring anything." "We'll meet at eleven." "Hello." "Hello." "We're from Jehova's witnesses." "My God, what a pleasure." "Step inside." "Religion puzzles me." "But haven't you heard of The Lord?" "Jesus Christ died for you on the cross That's why you're free of sin." "But he came back to life again after three days, right?" "Didn't we get our sins back then?" "Back?" "How?" "First we got rid of our sins when he died." "But then he came back." "Didn't we get our sins back then too?" "No." "Why not?" "Because he sacrificed himself for us" "But he didn't really do that, since he came back Isn't that cheating?" "No." "He's The Lord." "No, that's his Daddy." "But listen to me now." "If I owe money to a plumber, I can't just lend the plumber money." "I have to really pay my debt." "Yes" "But Jesus didn't pay with his life, since he got his life back." "Yes, he did." "He was gone for three days." "That doesn't sound so bad." "Or what do you think?" "We will pray for you." "That's great" "Please ask The Lord to come here himself, so we can sort this out" "Like I said, we'll meet tomorrow at 11." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Thank you for coming, everybody You probably wonder why we're here." "We're here today to break free from society's conformity." "We'll deliver an elephant kick in the face of all bureaucrats who try to tell us how we should live our lives." "They think they can control our brains, but they can't" "We are free." "We are individuals." "But today, you are soldiers in the army of freedom." "Our first object is a shoe shop two blocks away." "MACARONI" "JESUS WILL RAKE YOU UP" "Excuse me, could you hold my sign for a moment?" "Do you think someone would steal it?" "Could you like to hold my sign while I go to the toilet?" "Could you hold my sign while I go to the toilet?" "If you're quick." "Hello." "Hello." "Seeing the police makes me feel safe." "Thank you." "There's a guy around the corner with a sign about Jesus." "He called me John the baptist." "Maybe he escaped from some institution" "You never know." "We'll check him." "Did you want this?" "Well..." "I'll leave this to you." "It's got nothing to do with me." "What are you up to?" "Be careful, you might drop them" "Do you have a favourite spot?" "What?" "Do you have a favourite spot?" "We have a place on Väddö where we go sometimes." "Why?" "VÄDDÖ" "Can I ask you something?" "Do you love each other?" "Yes, I think we do." "How do you know?" "I think love is beautiful." "I went to Väddö today, that was also beautiful." "The sea, the horizon, the winds." "Do you want to have a look?" "When did you first realise that you love each other?" "It was the first time I saw her eyes in the morning light." "Not until the morning?" "That's bad" "Have you never been afraid?" "Of what?" "Of being hurt." "You have to risk that" "It's lovely to risk that." "Is there really no other way?" "If you love somebody, you risk getting hurt." "Is there someone you're longing for?" "Yes, maybe." "But I think she can't forgive me now." "She invited me to an island over the weekend, but I didn't turn up." "Why not?" "I don't know." "I think I'm afraid of being predictable." "I don't think you need to worry about that" "Maybe you could explain to her that you're a bit afraid." "I think there's a kind of relationship that I don't like." "What kind?" "The kind that can end." "If a relationship can end, you have to think about what you say and do cause if she doesn't like it, she might leave you." "But if she loves you." "I can do very strange things." "I believe you." "So I would prefer a relationship of the kind that can't end." "There are no such relationships." "Maybe I could buy an insurance policy." "But that only means you get money if it ends, and that's a cold comfort." "An idiot told me that." "So what did you do with your life, that you're so proud about?" "Tell me." "You look so pleased, as if you know something just because you're dead." "As if there's some big secret which the living don't know about." "But you don't know anything, cause you're not a real skeleton" "You're not even dead, cause you can't be dead if you've never been alive." "So don't pretend to be special, cause you're just fake." "Did you hear that?" "No, you don't hear anything" "You've never heard, never seen and never felt anything." "Now, said the postman, you can pick the small box or the large box." "But there was only a large box." "That's right, said the postman." "The small box is inside the large box" "But you can only open one box" "Out of the box, there suddenly jumped an unwanted lamp post." "It had a tooth ache, so it had to go to a dentist." "As soon as it saw the dentist, it fell in love." "It had never felt like that before." "It was like coming home." "It started following the dentist." "Wherever he went, there it was." "Even on the dentists skiing holiday, the lamp post was on his trail." "After a while, the dentist became a bit interested." "But then it was the lamp post who started playing hard to get." "The dentist offered wine and flowers and expensive travel packages but the lamp post didn't seem to be interested anymore." "This made the dentist so sad that he started drinking instead of working." "He became a disgrace to all dentists, so they had to get rid of him." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Let me out!" "Let me out!" "Help!" "The lamp post wondered where the dentist had gone." "It got depressed and started eating candy and had a tooth ache again." "One day it saw a TV program about an unhappy hermit living in Canada." "It immediately recognised its dentist and decided to find him." "It sold all its books and movies to get money for the journey." "One day, there was a knock on the dentist's hut" "The bitter, unhappy dentist didn't want to be disturbed." "But when he saw his beloved lamp post, his heart melted." "The dentist and the lamp post were so happy to be together at last." "And from that moment, they stayed together for the rest of their lives." "Hello." "Hi." "Well, hello." "So, did you have a good weekend?" "I guess so." "I don't think I turned up." "Really?" "I didn't notice." "I'd like to explain something." "It's kind of important" "I was so afraid." "I was afraid I might ruin something, so in the end I had to do that" "I mean ruin something." "It's like that thing with my keys" "Whenever I walk on a bridge, I keep my hands tight in my pocket and I tell myself not to throw my keys into the water." "Cause that can happen so easily." "You're on the bridge thinking, No, no." "Don't do it." "But before you know it.." "Ouch." "Oh." "Sorry." "I'm sorry" "Are they yours?" "Do you see?" "I have to throw my keys, just so I can stop worrying about it" "Is that why you didn't turn up?" "Yes, it's the same thing." "Just like I worry about my keys, I also worry about ruining..." "Or I don't mean." "I don't know if you want to..." "Just like throwing my keys would be a relief although I don't want to it would also be a relief to.." "But I don't want to do that either." "You don't want to do what?" "Ruin it." "Ruin what?" "This, which I don't know if you.." "I like you, that's all I'm trying to say." "I need to consider that thing about the keys That's all new to me." "And the other thing?" "I need to consider that too, whatever that was." "When you feel like you burned all your ships and your life's in a total eclipse there's a chance if you just don't dismiss it the solution might pay you a visit" "It could be a forgotten friend and it could lead to a happy end" "Hey." "There you are." "We found you at last" "We've read your script." "The one you said we should play in a bank" "About the salesman and the girl with the mandolin" "Can we come in?" "We really believe in this play" "It's brilliant." "It's such a touching story on the meaning of life's pointlessness." "It highlights the inescapable austerity of being by just denying it." "And we must admit your way of presenting the script was unusual." "Do you always do that when you see producers downtown?" "You look like a pig" "And about the casting." "We think you would be a good salesman" "And for the girl with the mandolin, maybe you know some actress." "I've been searching for so long." "Those who search, might get lost." "Fumbling through so much darkness." "How do you know you're fumbling if it's dark?" "Looked through so many mazes" "A maze is just a hiding place" "But is it really this simple?" "Nothing can get simpler than you want it to be." "I'm not afraid any more." "Or, yes I am." "But I think everyone is afraid." "That's why they keep acting normally." "Don't you agree?" "So now you're not worried about throwing your keys?" "No, do you know why?" "No." "I had an idea." "Isn't that clever?" "Yes." "But it's not completely normal." "Hello." "Here is 500 kronor" "Now we just want to sit here while you turn the wheel from side to side and pretend to drive." "And sometimes you can curse the traffic." "No animals were harmed more than necessary during the making of this film." "This bloody traffic."