"_" "My counterpart is in peril and I must get to Tatooine at once." " Can't you go faster?" " I am going as fast as I can." "But if you keep bothering me, I will go slower." " Pity." " You know R2-D2?" "He's a hero of the rebellion." "I have his card." "Hmm." "Haven't seen her for a long time." "No way!" "That's Hera, Captain of the Ghost!" " You know her, too?" " Oh, yes." "Artoo and I first encountered her and her scruffy band of rebels some years ago now." "We took part in one of their missions." " Wow!" " Wow, indeed." "Um, you do of course have my card in your little book?" "I don't think so." "Who are you?" "I am C-3PO, you little twerp." "And you should know that it was I who played the most significant part in that early rebel mission." "Albeit, quite by accident." " Would you like to tell us about it?" " I thought I would, yes." "Artoo and I were on loan to an Imperial diplomat when we found ourselves in the middle of a most brazen hijacking." "Halt, thieves!" "Master Amda Wabo says that crate contains his ion disruptors, and he wants you to let him have it." "Oh, of course." "There must be some mistake." "We can let him have it." "Danger?" "I'm in no danger." "As far as I am aware, there is only one way to interpret the phrase "let him have it."" "Oh!" "He let him have it!" "Artoo, we are surrounded by brigands!" " I mean, just look at these ruffians!" " Ha ha!" "A terrifying strong Lasat of dubious temperament." "A Mandalorian who knows her way around explosives." "A street rat of ridiculous agility and talent." "The fellow who seems to be some sort of secret Jedi." "And a rather curious, disagreeable droid." "What do we do?" "!" "Follow the junkbot?" "Good thinking, Artoo." "We'll be quite safe from those ghastly hooligans in here." "Who are you calling ghastly?" "A Twi'lek with extraordinary piloting skills." " Hi ya." " And who are you calling hooligans?" "I use that word "hooligans" in only the most complimentary of ways." "We can check the dictionary later." "But for now, we gotta go!" "Oh!" "Pardon me, but this bolt you have attached seems to be restraining me." "It's a restraining bolt." "That would explain it then." "You stay here till we figure out what to do with you." "R2-D2, just remember, it was your idea to follow that junkbot." "Ow!" "He said it!" "I think you're ruggedly handsome!" "Easy, Chopper." "Don't damage them." "They might be worth something." "You see, Artoo?" "We are quite safe." "They know just how valuable we are to the Empire." "They're with the Empire?" "!" "Sell 'em for scrap!" "Let's worry about getting these disruptors to our buyer first." "Then we'll deal with them." "I will handle this." "Mayday!" "Mayday!" "Somebody help us!" "Anyone!" "Never you mind where I was hiding it." "I hear you." "Can I help?" "My counterpart and I have been captured by thugs who may be potential enemies of the Empire." "Is that so?" "Send me your coordinates." "I'll be right there." "Okay, let's get these disruptors loaded." "I'm just glad they won't fall into the hands of..." " The Empire!" " Wow!" "It's like you read my..." " Surrender, rebels." " Um, that's my cue to flee." "Bye now!" " How did he find us here?" " Yes!" "My saviors have arrived!" "Yaha!" "He called the Empire on us!" "Thank the maker!" "You're here to save me from these criminals!" "You didn't hear me call you "criminals," did you?" "I guess they did." "This is not my bravest day." "Chopper, we cannot let the Empire get their hands on these disruptors." "Chopper?" "Of course!" "Overload the disruptors, then Boom!" "Great work, Goldie." "You're a rebel hero!" " Are you calling me a rebel?" " Yup, and you just struck" " a major blow against the Empire." " We're gonna majorly blow ourselves up if we don't get out of here!" "They fled like cowards and left the Emperor's whining and glowing ion disruptors for us!" "Uh-oh." "Thanks for returning my droids." " I hope they weren't any trouble." " No trouble at all." "Don't listen to him." "That was nice of those folks to return you two to me." "Something about you being a hero." "Hero?" "I hardly think so, Senator." "They were trying to overthrow the Empire." "And what's wrong with that?" "I'm going to keep an eye on these rebels of yours." "They are not mine." "Oh, dear!" "You are a rebel too!" "Can I just once not be in the middle of exciting action?" " Hey!" "There you are!" " That's not my best photo." "And thus began nine action-packed years in the service of the rebellion." "Rarely has a day gone by when Artoo has not put my life in danger." "How I miss him." "Ladies and gentlemen and Hutts," " we are now arriving in Mos Eisley." " At last." "Artoo!" "Artoo, are you here?" "Oh, that's him!" "R2-D2, it... isn't you." "The Jawas are on the prowl!" "The cantina." "I thought you didn't allow droids in there." "I do now." "I lost all my customers to the new place across the street." "Come to Watto's Grotto!" "Now 50% scummier and villainier." "Yeah, yeah." "Attention, cowering droids." "Have any of you seen my friend R2-D2?" " Anyone?" " No offense, we just don't want to get involved." "Well, sometimes getting involved is the right thing to do." "The evil Empire might still be in power if Artoo hadn't gotten involved." "Allow me to tell you a little story," "Artoo and I were in the service of Princess Leia, the leader of the rebel alliance." "She possessed stolen plans for the Empire's new weapon, the Death Star." "But Darth Vader captured her on the way to Alderaan." "Ahem." "Hi there." "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobe." "You're my only hope." "That sounded too desperate." "Let's do another one." "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi." "You're my..." "Find that princess." "We're good!" "Gotta go." "Artoo, you're still in one piece!" "My shoelace is untied?" "Thank you." "I don't have shoelaces." "Or shoes, for that matter." "Well, here's another fine mess you've gotten us into." "What mission?" "You have a mission?" "Okay, fine." "Be that way!" "Go on on your own, then." "See if I care!" "Actually, I do care." "Wait, hey, over here!" "Oh, we're saved." "Huh?" "Huh?" "Yeah!" "So humiliating." "Put up for sale by a disgusting band of Jawas." "I can just imagine the filthy, uncouth brute" " who will purchase us." " Luke, over here." "Coming, uncle Owen." "Yes, I suppose some would find him dreamy." "We'll take this one, and that R-5 unit there." "So it seems this is good-bye, Artoo." "He malfunctioned." "We'll take, uh, that one." "Okay... that one." "Oops." "What about that one?" "Darn." "What about that one?" "That one looks pretty good." "That one." "I guess we'll take the only non-exploded one." "Very good." "Clean them both up and start them working on the farm." "We are most happy to be in your employ, Master Luke." "You will find us obedient and hard-working." "And we will never give you any trouble." "Where did Artoo go?" "Oh, man!" "Princess Leia refuses to divulge the location of the Rebel base." "But with the power of the Force, I will be most persuasive." "The Force." "Ha!" "Enough with that old magic trick mumbo-jumbo." "Your sad devotion to..." "Not afraid of the Force, huh?" "Stop it!" "Go..." "This is not funny." "I find your lack of appreciation for physical comedy disturbing." "R2's gotta be here somewhere." "Master Luke, might I point out the dangers of searching while driving?" "I know what I'm doing." "I think I saw him." "Uh-oh." "Sorry, Old Ben." "Guys, this is Old Ben Kenobi." "He's a crazy old..." "Do pardon him." "He keeps going on about some mission." "Delivering a message to an Obi-Wan Kenobi." "I am Obi-Wan Kenobi." "I changed my name to hide from the Empire." "You didn't change your last name?" "You didn't change your last name!" " Huh?" " No, no, no." "Let's see that message of yours." "I need you to deliver the Death Star plans hidden in this R2 unit to the Rebel base on Alderaan immediately." "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi." "You're my only hope." "I must go to Alderaan immediately." "Luke, you must come along if you are to learn the ways of the Jedi." "But it would mean giving up your life here on Tattooine." "Yippee!" "That boy has too much of his father in him." "You two wait here while we go inside to find a pilot." "We shouldn't be long." "Oh, he was right." "They weren't long!" "Guys this is Han Solo and Chewbacca." "They're gonna take us to Alderaan." "A pleasure to make your acquaintance." "Yeah, whatever." "Let's move it!" "Hm." "Probably caught him on a bad day." "Hey, I'm pretty good at this." "Now do it wearing the helmet." " Let the Force guide you." " Okay." "I think I'm getting good at this." "You broke my "Galaxy's Best Pilot" mug!" "Captain Solo, pardon me, but being that you are such a great pilot," "I am sure that you are aware that a tractor beam is pulling us towards that large moon." "That's no moon." "It's a super-moon!" "It's a floating battle station!" "Yes, that was my second guess." "It appears to be empty, Lord Vader." "It's probably just your typical ship drifting through space without anyone in it." " See it all the time." " Yes, probably so." "And yet, I feel a presence I haven't felt since..." " Uh, since what, sir?" " None of your business!" "You, stay here." "The rest, go back to guarding the princess." "Princess Leia's here?" "We have to rescue her." "If I may interject, no, we don't." "I'm with the professor here." "There's no way we can get past those stormtroopers." "Leave that to me and my Jedi mind trick." "Hey, troopers, look over there." "Now, I'll turn off the tractor beam so we can escape." "You three find Princess Leia." "And you have a very important task." "Wait in this closet." "We're quite safe from any danger in here." "Oh, look, a mouse droid!" "How cute." "Oh, not cute!" "So not cute!" "Hi, I'm Luke Skywalker, and I'm here to rescue you." "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?" "I'm the exact same size as everyone else in our universe." "We gotta go, kid." "There we are." "Turning off the tractor beam was surprisingly easy." " Oh, pardon me." " It was my fault." " Wait..." " Wait..." "Appreciate the help, but I'm pretty sure I could've gotten shot attempting to escape on my own." "Sure, but would you have looked this handsome" " while doing it?" " Great banter, guys," "But we're trapped!" "Follow me into this unknown smelly place!" "Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo..." "This isn't so bad." "Uh-oh. 3PO, we fell into a trash compactor, and now the walls are closing in!" "Have Artoo shut it down." "Uh, we're a bit preoccupied." "But we'll do our best." "Artoo, back up." "Shut it down." "Curse your metal body!" "Take that!" "Oh, listen, Artoo, they're cheering because we saved them." "No, we're yelling because we're about to get crushed!" "Shut this thing off!" "Oh..." "Let's get Obi-Wan and... get out of here." "You can't win, Darth." "If you strike me down, I'll become more powerful" " than you can ever imagine." " You're just jealous off me." "Oh, this again?" "Strike me down, please!" "What happened?" "Is that crazy old man running around naked somewhere?" " Huh?" "The princess?" " We gotta go!" "Oh, now that was a textbook escape." "I don't know what textbooks you read, because we've got company." "How nice!" "I'll go bake a cake." "It's not that kind of company!" "Here's your chance to be a hero, kid." " I got him!" " Great, kid." "Don't get cocky." " Come on, I just saved you." "Be nice." " Don't get whiney either." "I'm not being whiney." "Oh, for crying out loud!" "Chewie?" "Unh!" "I guess I was a little whiney." "The Death Star has only one weak spot." "A teeny, eensy-weensy thermal exhaust port, vulnerable to proton torpedoes." "It's a one in a billion chance, and you probably won't come back alive." "I like those odds." "Who's with me?" "Humans!" "Well, at least we have the good sense to stay here." "Artoo, why do you do these crazy things?" ""Danger" is not your middle name!" " Your middle name is "hyphen"." " Here we go." "May the Force be with us!" "Don't do anything foolish." "Uh, more foolish than what you're already doing." "All right, we're going in!" "I've lost Artoo!" "No!" "Why do I go to these kind of movies?" "Use the Force, Luke." "Let go." " Hey, cut that out!" " Oops." "Use the Force." "Maybe this time keep your eyes open." "I have you now." " What?" " Yeah!" "Noooo..." "Yeah, I missed Vader and hit that other ship just like I intended to." " Just like I intended to." " Here goes nothing." "Where are those medals?" "Coming, Your Highness." "Sorry I'm late." "I'm still rather broken up about poor Artoo." "He never made it back..." "R2-D2!" "Ah, you survived!" "It's a mirac..." "Oh, dear." "Shh..." "And that is how Artoo helped destroy the Death Star." "And all because he was brave enough to get involved." "Come to think of it maybe I did see your friend." "He was with some strange fella buying up droids from the Jawas." "Bless your mechanical heart." "Artoo!" "Artoo!" "R2-D2, don't go!" "Stop!" "This is just not my day." "Ah." "It's another miracle." "Chewbacca, you can help me find Artoo." "But we must leave at once." "Uh, you weren't going anywhere, were you?" "Thank you for postponing your vacation." "I owe you for this." "And for the medal, of course." "Oh, uh, nothing." "Nothing." "Find out what happens in the next thrilling chapter of Droid Tales:" "Flight of the Falcon."