"I'm getting ready to go to work, mama." "I hope you make my coffee before you leave, baby." "You know, mama," "Two whole pots of coffee a day is not good for you." "But I get thirsty, baby." "But it sends that blood pressure of yours sky high." "And by the time I get home from work," "Coffee's stone cold." "Well, it don't get cold if it's in my thermos." "Oh, mama, I wish you'd get out a little more." "I prefer to let the world come to me." "But the trouble is, the world don't come to you, mama." "You're here alone all day long." "But I've got my tv," "And sometimes people do come." "Why, reverend joy stops by almost every morning." "Well, that's true, I guess, mama." "Oh, put out a second cup for reverend joy, will you, honey?" "Okay." "Poor man is so short, he can barely reach that top shelf." "Oh, mama, when we lived in maine," "You said it was too cold to go outside." "And then when we lived in alabama," "You said it was too hot." "And then when we moved to oregon," "You said there was too much rain and the ground was always wet." "well, mama," "Here we are." "We are in dry, sunny california." "And you still do not step one foot out of this trailer." "What is this behind me?" "Audrey?" "I said, "what is this behind me?"" "Why, that is a window, mama." "And the sun comes pouring through," "And it warms my face, and I have everything I want." "Even if I don't go parading" "Up and down the sidewalks of california" "On a skateboard, wearing some skimpy dress." "You might have some fun on a skateboard." "Besides..." "I just worry about you being lonely." "Mm, honey," "I told you, I prefer to let the world come to me." "See?" "I know what I'm talking about." "Good morning." "Oh, we don't want nothing." "Oh, that's my company for today, honey." "You let him in." "Hello." "Won't you have a seat?" "Don't you buy nothing, mama." "You have just the one daughter, mrs., uh..." "Webster." "Us webster women don't ever need more than one." "Hmm." "So, of course, we never have more than one." "Uh, does your daughter go to school?" "Night school." "Oh, then, this book" "Your daughter will love, mrs." "Webster." "She'll love it..." "Not in my house." "I don't allow any killing in my house," "Especially spiders." "Spiders are good luck for a house." "Would you like some coffee?" "Uh, y-yes, ma'am." "Uh, as I was saying, mrs." "Webster..." "Cream?" "Uh..." "Uh, no." "...That this set of books will proo..." "Sugar?" "Uh, no." "Okay, jack," "Let's have our next contestant for I dare you." "Susan alexander..." "I dare you!" "Beautiful day out, mama." "That's what the weatherman said, too." "Won't you let me open that curtain?" "No, audrey." "It puts a reflection on the tv," "And then I have to stretch my neck" "In order to see what the contestants are wearing." "And the family?" "I hope so." "Would you like to say hello to them out there?" "Um, hello, george." "Okay, susan, you know how we play the game." "You have six darts, and there are nine balloons on the board." "Under three balloons, there are prizes." "Pop those three, and you will win a chance..." "Mama?" "...The grand prize, a brand-new car..." "What is this?" "Oh, that's a book about the stars." "Yes, I can see that, mama." "What I'd like to know is," "Why are there four of them in the trash?" "Well, that salesman left them here this morning." "He left 'em..." "Or you bought 'em?" "I didn't buy nothing, audrey." "You told me not to." "Susan, you've got to hit the board to pop the balloon!" "Mama?" "This is not a 15-day free trial, is it?" "Because they are not gonna want to get them back" "After I spilled coffee grounds all over 'em." "Well, he said they was free." "Mama, that man was a salesman." "Why would he be giving stuff away?" "Who can figure out why any man does anything?" "I never did understand men," "Not even when I was married to one." "Do you understand men, audrey?" "Now, mama, are you gonna get dressed?" "I hadn't planned on it." "Any reason why I should?" "We're gonna get some more company tonight, mama." "You're not talking about that thin man, are you, audrey?" "I am." "And robert's not any thinner than I am, mama." "That's just because you don't eat the right kinds of foods." "Now..." "If you ate the right kinds of foods," "You'd be fat like me." "And never stir from my chair?" "Oh, mama!" "Who'll go out and work, then?" "You tell me, please." "Who will go out and work" "And buy the groceries?" "Oh, mama, robert is gonna rewire that tv set" "So that you can change the channels" "Without even getting up." "Oh, mama..." "Robert is real sweet." "Are you going to marry him?" "I might." "oh, mama, I think he's gonna ask tonight." "Hello?" "Audrey?" "Mrs. Webster?" "Anybody home?" "Well..." "Let the thin man in, audrey." "I'm stuffed." "No, you're not." "Audrey ate twice as much as you." "Oh, I eat and eat and eat," "But I have never found anything" "That would stick to my bones." "I'm not going to allow my little girl to marry a man" "That's got no meat on him." "Mama!" "He hasn't even asked me yet!" "But you knew I was going to ask, audrey; you knew I was." "I-I-I told her I was going to ask." "She knew." "Now, mama, I told robert" "That I would not marry him" "If you didn't give us your blessing." "I said I'd walk out that door over there" "And never take another step in the trailer park again." "And don't think that I would be leaving you, mama." "I couldn't take away a mother's only child." "Well, this trailer's much too small." "Of course!" "Robert is gonna buy us a double-wide, mama!" "With a dish." "A dish?" "The biggest damn satellite dish money could buy." "150 stations, guaranteed!" "A double-wide and a dish!" "Oh, mama, we could all die happy." "It's not enough." "Mrs. Webster, listen to me now." "If-if you let me marry audrey" "And if audrey lets me marry audrey" "I promise you, I'm gonna get fat." "A-as fat as a pig." "I'm gonna have thighs like-like cincinnati hams." "I don't believe you can get fat." "I think there's something wrong with your blood." "My mama was fat." "M-my mama looked like a pillow" "With a string tied around the middle." "My mama was so fat, she died of high blood pressure." "Well, that's a good sign." "So, audrey, it looks like if you and me are gonna get married," "I'm going to have to have some of that strawberry shortcake." "Oh, well, then, give him two pieces, audrey," "Because if you two" "Are going to get married," "I want to have to widen the church aisle for this thin man." "Mmm, this is the best wedding cake I've ever tasted." "I just love this kind of icing." "Mildred, what's wrong?" "Oh, now..." "All mothers cry." "Robert's a, a fine boy for your audrey," "And, uh, he-he's a fine boy for you, too." "I know it." "You know it." "Uh..." "Gosh, everybody who came to the damn wedding knows it." "Excuse me." "Uh..." "Audrey tells me that..." "All three of you are going to be moving" "Into a double-wide," "Just as soon as they get back from the honeymoon." "Um, w-where are they going?" "Big sur." "Big sur." "Hmm..." "Big sur." "uh..." "Uh, it seems that the newlyweds haven't quite gotten away" "On their honeymoon yet." "um..." "Uh..." "That's, that's all." "They're just, uh, on their way." "uh..." "Uh..." "He's-he's a fine boy." "He's a fine boy, uh, mildred." "and, um, well, your audrey" "Well, sh-she's a very good girl, too." "Uh..." "I know it and, uh, and, uh, you know it." "Every damn body that's ever seen the two of 'em together" "They know it." "Audrey?" "Mama..." "Why didn't you tell me?" "I didn't tell you because, well," "I wasn't sure it was going to happen." "I'm not even sure what did happen, mama." "Well, you finally found some food you like to eat," "That's all some food that'll put some meat on your bones." "Oh, mama, it was horrible." "I ate and ate and ate" "Till there wasn't anything left." "It was like I was licking the plate." "Poor robert." "Oh, the first time's hard, I kn..." "What?" "But don't you feel much better?" "I feel like I just swallowed a horse..." "Without chewing." "Oh, mama, that was robert." "Mildred:" "It's hard, baby." "I..." "I know it." "Mama, you really should have told me." "If you would have told me, I could have..." "Could have what?" "I could have married somebody I didn't like." "I could have married a murderer or something." "But you loved robert." "Didn't do him" "Much good, did it?" "Mama, what did you mean by "first time"?" "Now, audrey," "Every family has its little secrets." "Well, this just happens to be ours." "Now, I don't know much more than you," "But if you have some questions," "I'll do my best to answer them." "That encyclopedia salesman?" "I remember him." "So, you don't have to be married to him to...?" "Well, now the best as I can figure out," "You have to be married to the first one." "Then, after that, it don't much matter, I guess." "Oh, it was a real bad thing that happened, mildred." "E-everybody says it." "Worst thing they'd heard in a long time." "Oh, yes, it was." "How's audrey taking it?" "Well, it was a shock, but audrey's a strong girl." "She'll pull out of it." "Oh, yes, I know she will." "And bodies do wash up, mildred." "There-there's some comfort in that." "I just hate hearing stories like that:" ""young man drowned on honeymoon."" "Robert was a sweet boy." "Just couldn't fight that undertow." "Ah, grief weighs heavy on a honeymoon widow." "I know." "I was one, too." "Oh..." "Like it runs in the family." "I'm afraid audrey won't be joining us this evening." "She's not quite feeling herself these days." "Oh, y-you mean, she's...?" "Mmm." "Man, that'll be a real comfort, won't it?" "He's gone, baby." "I told him you weren't up to company." "Mama, if this is a little girl inside me," "I don't want her." "Why, audrey, how can you say such a thing?" "!" "Because she could be like me..." "And like you." "She'll grow up, she'll fall in love," "She'll get married," "And then, on her wedding night, she'll..." "She'll..." "Mama, what if I have a little boy instead?" "No!" "It's going to be a little girl," "And she's going to be just like you." "And you'll love her, and..." "And she'll love you," "And you'll be good to her," "And she'll be good to you." "And when the time comes," "You'll tell her all the things that I've told you." "And that's all there is to it." "fly, ladybird, fly your daddy's hanging high your mommy's shut in moscow town and moscow town is burning down fly, ladybird, fly." "Shh." "Shh." "Everybody's thrilled, mildred, just thrilled." "How's audrey doing?" "It must have been awful sudden," "If she didn't get to the hospital." "Oh, yes, it was sudden." "Hard labor?" "Medium-hard." "Oh, I thought so." "People did hear some screaming." "Well, uh, can I see the baby?" "Ugly little thing, isn't she?" "Not as ugly as audrey was," "And audrey turned out just fine." "Of course, she did." "Of course, she did." "It's the ugly ones that always make it to hollywood." "Everybody knows that." "Can I, uh, can I speak to audrey?" "Oh, I wish you would." "She's feeling low." "Oh, probably wishes that robert were here" "To share..." "That little miracle." "Go ahead." "She's expecting you." "Audrey?" "Audrey?" "Audrey?" "Uh, audrey child, now..." "Y-you shouldn't be sitting here in, uh..." "In the dark." "Um, uh, let me get a light switch here." "Um..." "Uh..." "Audrey?" "Audrey?" "Audrey?" "!" "Well, I don't care what he says." "You are the cutest little thing" "And the prettiest little thing I ever laid eyes on." "Well, now it wasn't so bad this time, was it?" "No." "But mama, I liked reverend joy." "Oh, we all liked reverend joy," "But now we can't start using up our neighbors," "Or we're just going to have to move on." "Strangers are much better."