"[ Voice of a Young Boy ] There comes a time in a boy's life where he must choose to follow life's path to manhood." "Stepping away from all that is safe and known." "Relying only on instinct, and what small stones of knowledge he has gathered from his youth." "A choice, that if made too early could be deadly and if made too late, could be gone forever." "This journey is known in all religions as the coming of age, communion, bar mitzvah, and the like." "It is also known in athletics as the breaking point from which one is no longer satisfied with just participation, but must leap into the realm of excellence." "I was about to make this journey at eleven years of age, having no concept of my true path." "But only that I just journey upon it." "For me this journey came at the Michigan State Marshal Arts" "Championships in my home town of Kalamazoo." "[ Applause ]" "Welcome to the Fifteenth Annual Michigan" "State Marshal Arts Championships." "Each and everyone of you is to test your marshal skills." "Today we have no losers." "Everyone walks away a winner." "But only one of you..." "emerges a champion." "Pay your respects." "[ Applause ]" "In this great tournament of skill and strength, both both physically and mentally." "There could only be one champion." "And with ninja two as my sport, teacher, and religion, this would be my coming of age, my breaking point, in which all things before could only begin to prepare for what lie ahead." "I watched the little kids stumble through their skills." "My turn would come." "My parents sat out there with a mixture of pride and fear." " Oh, they're so cute." " They're too little to be fighting." "Kevin was that age when he started." "Yeah, when you pushed him into it." "It was better than beating up his sister, don't you think?" "My sister helped warm me up." "But she was more interested in getting herself warmed up." "Hey, Randy." "I'll be there in a second, okay?" "Come on." "Ouch!" " What did you do that for?" " Pay attention." "Fine." "Come on." "[ Applause ]" "[ Applause ]" "[ Applause ]" "With the challenge down to two and head gears removed," "I stepped once more on to the mat that had so often been a body, mind, and spirit like a perfectly tuned machine." "I took the reins of life in my hands, prepared to ride the beast through all obstacles ahead and all trials and tribulations that stood in my path." "This is where my journey begins." "Go!" "[ Crowd Cheers ]" "Go to your corner." "Come here." "[ Applause ]" "Michigan State Junior Champion." "Kevin Ryan." "Congratulations, Kevin." "You're the youngest junior champ we've ever had." " I'm very proud of you." " Thanks, Sensei." "Megan tells me you two are going to California." "Yeah." "And I'm going to meet Don "The Dragon" Wilson." "My uncle a close personal friend of his." "So we're going to see him at the studio." "That's great, man." "So when you guys leaving?" "Tomorrow morning." "Arriving at gate 25a untied flight 629 from Toledo." "Your mother and I are really going to miss you two." "Me too, Dad." "Now Megan, you've got that money I gave you?" "Right here." " Keep an eye on your little brother." " I will." " Hey, got the tickets?" " Right here." "Megan, you know Los Angeles is a little defferent than Kalamazoo." " Thank God." " What I'm trying to say is that you might have to be more careful out there." " Are you talking about condoms?" " Jesus, Megan!" " I am not talking about condoms!" " Will you calm down." "Sorry." "Now boarding at gate 19 midwest flight 190 to Los Angeles." " Love you." "Be good." " Bye." "Bye." "Parents with young children, children flying alone and those requiring assistance may now board at this time." "You know, we need this time together." "We haven't had a vacation, just the two of us," " in sixteen years." " I know..." " But your brother?" " Don't worry about him." "I just wish we could be sure." "He promised me he's turned over a new leaf." "Face is he's said he's become something of a health food nut." "Umm..." "Come on, Lou." "Listen up, alright." "It's my anniversary." "Last year's anniversary I won over twenty five grand." "Last year you were able to pay." "You haven't booked a movie now in over two years." "You know, you're the only bookie I know that reads variety and besides for your information I can pay." "Come on, be a pal." "Put five grand on blind fury." "Now if you lost I collect." "Today." "I'm not going to lost and besides I got it covered." "I got a sure thing on the Raiders later today." " You bet on the Raiders?" " Yeah, they're going to kick Miami's ass." "I know, I can feel it." "Miami's ahead by twenty points an hour ago." "Schumck!" "What are you talking about?" "What time is it." "Oh, God." "Anita." "I can't believe he forgot about us." "I'm sure he didn't forget about us." "I mean he's probably closing some big deal." "Sure." "Sweetheart, what a wonderful anniversary party." "Thank you, thank you, thank you," "I just want to see the last couple of the game, Anita." "Sweetheart, the game's over." "Oh, dear God." "Please tell me Raiders won." " Honey, the Raiders got creamed." " I'm a dead man." "Oh, sweetheart, don't worry." "There's another game next week and I'll buy you dinner." "Anita, I'm not talking about dinner." "I just lose ten thousand dollars." " I didn't know you had ten grand." " That's the problem." " I don't." " Oh, gosh, you need a drink." "Gosh, I need a bullet proof vest, is what I need." "You aslo need to pick, you should have picked up your niece and nephew thirty minutes ago." "Oh, God." " Oh, my God." " Well what, what airline are they on?" "Well, what, what flight?" "Doesn't matter, Anita." "They landed two hours ago." "Well, then what do they look like." "Come on, one's a girl, one's a boy, alright?" "Oh well, now that makes everything crystal clear." "Anita." "Now where are we going." "I'm looking for the lost niece and nephew section." " This is too confusing." " Maybe they missed their flight." "I hope." "Well, I'm going to go back to the gate and check again." "Okay." "I'm going to go get a drink." "Okay." "Come on." "Let's just get a cab." "I'm sick of waiting here." "I know the address." "Do you know how much a cab cost?" "I don't care." " Hey, kids." "How are you?" " Hi, Uncle Bob." " Welcome to the airport." " Where have you been?" "We have been waiting here for over two hours." "Well, you're kidding." "It must be the time zone difference or something." "You kids hungry or something?" "Would you like a piece of celery?" " No, no thanks." " Anita, look who I found." "Well, lucky you." "Hi, I'm Anita." "You must be Megan." "And you must be Kevin." "It's very nice to meet you, finally." " Okay, well, let's go, guys." " Let's go." "Wow, is this your house, Uncle Bob?" "Uh... it's the summer house." "The summer house." " Well, how come it's for sale?" " Because he's broke, honey." "The plumbing broke." "The plumbing is broken." " This is a great place." " Let's take a jacuzzi?" " What's a jacuzzi?" " Well, sweetheart, it's like a lobster pot without the lobsters." "Do you really know Don Wilson?" "I mean do you know know him?" "Do I know Don Wilson?" "Don "The Dragon" Wilson." " Well, we go, we go way back." " He's my hero." "A lot of the Martial Arts stars don't practice what they preach." "But the Dragon's for real." "I mean meeting him's going to be well..." "It's going to be a dream come true." "Well, you know what I'm glad I can help arrange it for you." " Because it makes me happy." " And meeting Tommy Hart." "I mean everybody at home doesn't believe me." " I mean you sure you know him?" " Do I know, know Tommy Hart." "Anita, tell them, do I know Tommy Hart?" " Do you?" " She's joking." "Your a joker..." "She's a comedian actress." "She falls down a lot." " I'm getting kind of hot." " Yeah, me too." "You guy's are hot?" "Well, why don't you go on up to the house and I'll be up in a second." "Okay." " Nice kids." " Yeah, I think the little girl looks like me." "I call on the Dragon for help and strength." "I request your presence in a just cause." "Wow!" "So what is this ninja stuff all about anyway?" "Well, it's about honor, integrity and doing the right thing." "Never work in Hollywood." "Alright, so it's about honor and integrity, and doing the right thing." "So when does the, the you know, the kick ass stuff come in?" "There's a lot more to it than that." "The Dragon says that a real ninja, not a cartoon ninja, can go into any room and using the objects in that room decide on ten possible ways to kill his opponent." "Wow!" "So you believe in this ninja philosophy." "And you use it," "I mean like, where ever you go." "Like even in the bathroom and stuff." "Yes." "So you could possibly maim somebody with a toothbrush or like kill them with toilet paper?" " Well, of course." " You mean to tell me that you can think of ten ways right here, right now, on this balcony, that you could kill me." "Not really." "Actually I can only think of eight." "Eight." " Hey." "Is he okay." " yeah, he does it all the time." "Thanks for letting us come, Uncle Bob." "Hey, look, I wanted you to come." "I mean I really like you two." "As a matter of fact, your my favorite niece and nephew." "We're your only niece and nephew." "You're kidding?" "Well, then you really are my favorite niece and nephew then." " Mom says you don't like kids." " You know, your mother is very, your mother is..." "Nice, but she probably says that because I don't have any children." " She says you're probably sterile." " Do you know what sterile means?" " It means you can't have sex." " No, it doesn't." " It does too." " No, it doesn't." " It means you can't conceive." " So you can have sex." "Of course, I can have sex." "I have sex all the time." " Just ask Anita." " But you're not married to Anita." "I gave her a ring once." "I wanted to surprise her, so I hid it in her popcorn at the movie theaters." "It was good thing the guy next to us know the Hemlich Maneuver." "Well, what does conceive mean, Uncle Bob?" "Uh..." "Well... it's a you know, when like a man and a lady and they like each other and those squiggy thing swim upstream." "Kind of like... fish." "And... uh." "Megan is going to explain the rest to you later, okay." "You guys have a real good nights sleep, alright." " Good night." " Good night, Uncle Bob." "Good night." "It's cold." "Uncle Bob's a pretty nice guy, don't you think?" " He hates us." " Why?" "I guess that's what happens when you can't have sex anymore." "Wow." " Uncle Bob." " The money!" "I brought your coffee." "Coffee, you drink it right." "Oh." "Thanks." "Oh... oh." "Can I ask you something?" "Why not, we're related." "Why do you drink so much?" "Well, I don't actually drink that much it just appears that way." "I don't swallow." " Why do you ask?" " I was just curious." "Curiosity killed the cat." "It makes me feel good." "Well, if it makes you feel good, why do you look so bad?" "Are you trying to lift my spirits?" "I'll tell you what." "Why don't go downstairs and make yourself some breakfast and then I'm going to come downstairs and see what you made yourself." "It's kind of like a game, alright." "I'll be right there." " Well, breakfast is served." " Thanks." "Now can I get you anything else?" " This is fine." " No thanks." " Well, good morning, sunshine." " Good morning, dear." "Uncle Bob, look, we have fruit for breakfast." "Anita, what, are we out of coco puffs?" "Anita's taking us to the beach today." " Yeah, we're discovering L.A." " I've never been there before." "Well, me neither." "I got close once but there was too much water." "When are we going to meet Don "The Dragon" Wilson?" " And Tommy Hart?" " Okay, it'll be appranged by the time you get back from the beach, alright." "Anita, I got to go and just bring them by the office and... do the business I needed to do." "So are you having a good time, sweetheart." " Good, good." " Sure." "I am." "So... what's up with you and Uncle Bob." "[ Laughs ] Your Uncle Bob and I have been sweet on each other for a long time but... we don't live together because you know we need our space." " I know how that goes." " [ Laughter ] Yeah." " He's pretty rich, huh?" " Well, sweetheart, you Uncle Bob has made a lot of money but he has a problem." "He has this big heart..." "and he's made some actors into very big stars but then they leave him." "So it breaks his heart and hurts his pocketbook." "So that's why he drinks and stuff." "Well, that's part of it." "It's a Hollywood thing." "Hey there, caught any fish yet?" "No, but you should have seen the one that got away." "Haven't I heard that fish story before?" "I hope not." "Well, we're going to see you in about twenty minutes." " An hour." " Okay." " Alright." " Hey, sweetcakes." " Baby." " Come on, baby, have a little drink?" " No thanks." " Come on, just a little drink." " The lady said no." "How about you then, how about you have a little drink with us?" "How about a kiss you hunk of burning love?" "Sweetheart... maybe this will improve you hearing." "Ah..." "Let's get him!" "Simmer down, be good, give me my board." "Put it down, put it down." "Ohh..." "He threw that big suffer in the water." "That's my brother." "Ouch!" "Oh..." "Yes!" "My God, what does he eat?" "Hey boss, can I ask you a question?" " Go ahead." " Do you know where goons live in LA?" " I give up." " Laguna." " Ha... ha..." " Ha... ha..." "You know, Jake, when your IQ reaches double digits," " I'm going to give you a raise." " Promises?" " Definitely." " You heard him." "Guido, I got a job for you." "Bob Ryan." "He lost ten thousand on the Raiders." " He bet the Raiders?" " Somebody's got to." "Now you're my sisters son." "I'm giving you your chance." "You'll be the chief collector on this job." "Impress me." "You won't be sorry, Uncle." "John, this is Bob." "Yeah." "Hey, you know what?" "I need ten thousand dollars." "Look, hey, what gives you the right to talk to me like that?" "Who got you your first series?" "How about seven thousand dollars?" "Okay." "What about half?" "How about five thousand dollars?" "John... five thousand?" "Five thousand a day right you got it." "Five thousand just for meals." "Thanks for nothing, bye." " Hi, kids." " Hi." " How was the beach?" " Pretty fun." " Great, where's Anita?" " She's parking the car." " Oh." " You represent Kevin Costner?" "I represent his cousin, he's a big client." "Right on the verge of breaking out, big." "You sure represent a lot of clowns, Uncle Bob." "Well, they're really famous people, you just can't recognize the under all the clown makeup." "Mom said you used to be big time." "Used to be?" "Used to be?" "Well, you know before your..." "Before what?" "Before your mother started calling me a drunk?" "She never used the word drunk." "No, alcoholic was the word she used." "Well, your mother always had a great way with words." "I'll have you know that represent only the top clients in Hollywood." "Just the cream de la cream, the top." "What are you doing here?" "I'm sorry, man, I forgot the address for that gig." "The audition at Universal right?" "The big picture the big Schwarzenegger picture." "No, I'm in the Jablonski birthday party in Oxnard." "No, I don't think so." "I think you made a mistake." "Here." "Don't make another mistake." "Here's the address it's Universal right next to the big tour." "I don't know, do you think" "Uncle Bob really knows the Dragon?" "Has the Dragon done any birthday parties lately?" " What are you talking about?" " Forget about it." " We'll find out after lunch." " What happens after lunch?" "We're going to the studios." "[ Screaming ]" "Ahh..." " MAN:" "Cut." " You okay?" "Everybody okay?" "Can we try this again?" "Yeah, Don, we'll do it right after lunch." "Look, guys, a movie lot." "It's a set, a Hollywood set." "Everything fake." "Now you guys stay right here," "I'll arrance everything, alright." "Hey, Bob, I didn't know they were using clowns in this movie." "Come on, give me a break, alright." " Hey, Billy." " What are you doing here?" "Hi, I'm fine, how are you?" "Good morning." " I'm here to see Don." " Absolutely not." "He's in his trailer resting." "This is a closed set." " You're not wanted here." " Come on," "I just need five minutes." "It's for my niece and nephew." "They're from back east, alright." "I made them a promise." "Don't make me break my promise." "It's a closed set." "Did Don tell you who gave him his first start?" "Bob, you got him two lines on general hospital." "Big deal." "It was a big deal for him." "He was a kickboxer." "He couldn't get arrested as an actor." "And he said that he would return the favor at anytime." "And now's the time, okay." "I need the favor." " It's a closed set." " Thanks, you're a pal, Billy." "Where are they shooting that Tommy Hart picture?" "Stage twelve." "Bob..." " Yeah." " They won't let you in there either." " Well..." " He can't see me?" "No, no." "It's not that." "He's just busy right now." "He's taking his ninja power nap." "We'll come back later, alright." " What about Tommy?" " Tommy stage twelve western set." " Plays a cowboy." " Ha... ha..." "Let's go." "[ Bang bang ]" "Ahh..." "DIRECTOR:" "Cut... come on, guys, let's it again." "You can die better than that." "Isn't he great." "And action." " Hi, Max." " Ah..." " Client, looks real good." " Yeah." "Ahh..." "He's so cool." "Look, I wouldn't ask you to do this for me, but, it's for my brothers kids." "Ahh..." "Cut it." "Print it." " Now that's dying." " That was great, man, great job." "Tommy, Tommy, remember Bob Ryan?" " Huh?" " Yeah, the guy we play tennis with." " How are you doing?" " Hi, buddy, how are you?" "Yeah, yeah." "And this is his nephew Kevin." " Hi, how you doing, man?" " I enjoyed your scene." " Thanks a lot." " Yeah, yeah. very good." " And Megan." " Hi, how are you doing, Megan?" "Can I get an autograped picture of me?" "I mean can I get an autographed picture of myself," " yourself for me?" " Sure," "I don't have any right now, but, umm..." "All of us are getting together at Vertigo's on friday," " if your interested." " I don't think we can make that." "We are going to watch the reruns of Perry Mason remember." " I'll be there." " Cool." " Nice shoes." " Oh, thanks," " I bought them myself." " Alright." "I got to get going, guys." "Nice meet you all." " It was really nice, bye." " Bye, Tommy." " I'd say she was excited." " Yeah." "Cute kids." "Yeah." "What is this Tommy guy like?" "Oh, he's great." "He's and up and coming star." "Because I really wasn't sure whether" " I should let her go or not." " Oh, don't worry." "Kids these days know what to do." " Should I have her bring anything?" " I don't know." "An overnight bag would be good." "Megan!" "Yeah, Frankie, hi." "You remember that time" "I got you that job and you hadn't worked in a while and I said hey don't worry, you can pay me the commission when you have it, when things are better." "I was wondering are things better, because you know..." " It would be nice if I could get." " Uncle Bob." "Umm... three pictures, lots of money." "Yeah, we'll work out the fine details later, yeah, okay, bye." "Yeah?" " I had a really good time today." " Really?" " That's great, I'm so happy." " I'm sorry I doubted you." "That's okay, I'm used to it." "Kevin." "I know you're disappointed, because you didn't meet Don Wilson today." "But..." "I promise you, you're gonna get to meet him." "And when Uncle Bob promises, it's... almost as good as happening, sometimes." "Sure, Uncle Bob." "I love the smell of money in the morning." "This is a great idea." "Collecting the money before they even get up." "Alright, fellows, we're going to make this nice and clean." "We're going to get in, get the fifteen g notes," " we're out of here." " I thought it was ten?" "Five for me, you baffoon." "Let's go." "[ Knocks ]" "[ Knocks ]" " Yes?" " Hey, kid." "Nice place, huh?" "Who are you?" "Kevin." "I'm Bob's nephew." " Is he here?" " No, he's sleeping." "I'll wake him up if you want me..." "Don't worry about it." "Don't worry about it." "We'll take care of it." "What's going on?" "Umm... nothing that concerns, you kid." "Are you planning to hurt my uncle?" "Well, you see that's kind of up to him." " Then it does concern me." " Listen I bought cookies okay." " I'm not selling cookies." " Licorice, diet tabs, listen, do me favor." "Cut the grass will you." "Ohh..." "For gosh sakes he's a kid." "Get him!" "Surprise!" "Yaaa!" "Hey, easy, easy kind, come on..." "I'm from the sixties." "Relax, it's alright." "Have a nice trip." " Have a nice flight." " [ Breaking Glass ]" "Ahh!" " Ugh!" " You okay, boss?" " He's on the roof." " Yeah." " Go get him." " Yeah." "Yeah." "I can't swim, Vinnie, I can't swim." "Here take this... and this." "What happened to you guys?" "I'll tell you something." "You're both worthless." "Worthless piece of dog meat." "We'll be back, you little squirt." "And you fat man, you're dead." "Who were those guys?" "I forgot to tip them last time they delivered a pizza." "In Los Angeles they get real pissed off at that kind of stuff." "Let's get your sister and get the hell out of here." "Did you hear him call me fat boy?" "Megan!" "MEGAN:" "Where are we going?" "We have to move out temporarily." "They're going to spray for bugs." " MEGAN:" "For how long?" " It depends on how big the bugs are." " Wait, I forgot something." " It's time to get in the car, sweetheart." " Why do I have to sit in the back?" " Because he knows karate." "Why are these guys chasing us, Uncle Bob?" "I don't know." "Maybe they mistook me for somebody else." " You said they delievered pizza." " Well, sort of." " I kind of owe, then money." " How much?" " Ten thousand dollars." " Expensive pizza." " Gambling, isn't it?" " I bet the Raiders." " You bet the Raiders?" " What did your mom say" "I had a gambling problem or something?" " No." " She just said you were a loser." "Great, your mother's got a wonderful vocabulary." "I'm sorry for getting you guys into this mess and everything." "I'm going to go over to my friends house and try to get this straightened out." "But if I can't I'm going to have to put you guys back on a plane to Michigan." " It's getting too dangerous." " I'm not going home until I have my date with Tommy Hart." " And meeting the Dragon." " I'm glad to see you guys have your prioritites in order." "I'm talking violence here." "I'm a ninja." "I can get you out of this mess, Uncle Bob." "You're a ninja, you can get us out of this mess." "Well, I'm an agent and..." "I don't know what the hell I'm doing." "Hi, Uncle Tony." "I take it this means you didn't get my money." "I'm sorry." " Bob did this to you." " No, well, not exactly... not by himself." "You see he had a band of gypsies with him." " Gypsies?" " Well, not exactly gypsies, but they were dressed like gypsies." "I think they were professional wrestlers." "Bob has hired professional bodyguards." "This doesn't make sense." "If he has money to hire bodyguards, he was money to pay me." "Well, Uncle." "He's an agent maybe their his clients." "Maybe, yeah, clowns professional wrestlers, could be." "Now you go back and get my money." " Yes, sir." " Guido." " Yes, sir?" " Impress me." "No mistakes this time, Uncle Tony." "No mistakes." "Uncle, technically this is not a mistake." "I'm hungry." "Can we get something to eat?" " I want pizza." " Pizza alright, there's a great place at Vine and Melrose." " No way, I want to go to Spago's." " How do you know about Spago's." "That's where all of the celebs eat." "I've been reading about it in all of the magazines." "I mean your an agent." "You should know about all of that." "I know all about Spago's." "We're not going to Spago's, okay." "They don't give out doggie bags." "I want to go to a fun place like Disneyland or Univeral Tour." "Alright, alright." "But first we're going to eat." "How's your shrimp louie?" "It's just shrimp and lettuce." "What's the big deal?" "Why can't we go someplace where they have pizza." "Come on, come on." "You got a nice healthy lunch here." "You got a baked potato, a piece of fish... those green and yellow circle things." "It's like ninja food." "It's going to make you strong like bull." "God, what did we do break something?" "Four, five, five hundred bucks right there." "Here's my five hundred Angel will hold the money." " She looks trust worthy to me." " I'll break." "Uncle Bob, what are we doing here?" "It's kind of like going to an atm machine." "I need some fast cash." "I'm pretty good at pool, okay." "Go eat your pizza." " Uncle Bob." " What?" "I'm going to be at the video games." "Okay, great, great." "# That's money honey don't you look at me funny #" "# Keep a paycheck coming in and your life will be sunny #" "# Be a doctor, a lawyer a butcher or a baker #" "# Even a bum on the street would rather be a money maker #" "# Go to work #" "# Go to work #" "# Go to work #" "# Go to work #" "# Go to work #" "# Go to work #" " You got a nice butt." " Thanks I've been working out." "I was talking to her, you idiot." "Gee, that raised my self esteem up a notch." " I speak my mind." " Obviously a man of few word." "Uncle Bob." "Can I have a few quarters for the video game." "Sure." "Hey, blondie, why don't you bend over and make this shot." "No, no." "She can't bend over." "She's got a bad back." " Doughboy, just make the shot." " Doughboy, Doughboy?" "Come on, didn't you're mother ever teach you any respect?" " Sorry, Mr. Doughboy." " [ Laughter ]" "He drops the eight ball, it's a two thousand dollar shot." "Boy, I hate bank shots." "Kevin, you want to give me a break here?" "You're a tad close." "You've got to relax, Uncle Bob." "I've got two thousand dollars riding on this one shot." " Oh, God." " Like a ninja." "You've got to think you've got to be the ball." "What?" "Don't think of it as something out there." "But think of it as something inside you or a part of you." "You've got to be the ball." "Be the ball." "Be gone, be gone." "Be the ball." "I am the ball." "I am the ball, I am the ball." "I am the ball." "I am the ball, I am the ball, I am the ball, I am the ball." " I'm the cue." " Ahh." "Come on, come on, come on." "Megan!" "Yaaa!" "Ha!" " Ahh!" " [ Breaking Glass ]" "[ Breaking Glass ]" "Hey, you alright?" "[ Breaking Glass ]" "Great, thanks, Angel." "Hey, listen, you know, whoever your beautician is, don't give the number to my niece, alright." " Why can't we go home and sleep?" " Because those though guys are still watching the house." "Just consider it a sleep out." "I don't want to sleep on the beach." "Come on, Megan, think of it as an adventures." "Okay." "I've had enough adventure for one day thank you very much." "I'm having a great time, Uncle Bob." "See, can't you be more like your brother." "Hey, I've got too have my own sleeping bag." "I only have two." "Well, I'm not sleeping with my brother." "I mean that's illegal, as least it is in Michigan." " It is, it is." " What an I supposed to do?" "Burrow myself in to a sand dune to keep myself warm." "You guys drive a hard bargain." "Thanks for sticking up for me back there, Uncle Bob." " I hardly did anything." " No kidding." "I mean at least you tired." "You know, what comment hurt me the most?" "When that guy called you Doughboy?" "No, that too, though." "It's when your mom said that I hated kids." "You know, I know you guys think that the only reason you came down here is that your mom and dad needed to get away and..." "I was the only one available to take care of you." " Well, that's simply not true." " It isn't?" "Well, that too." "But I really wanted you to come down." "Did you know that I save every picture that you dad sends to me of you guys?" "I mean you winning these Martial Arts Tournaments and you breaking all all these young guys hearts." "Both of you just growing up too fast." "I save every single one." "I really enjoy them." "I really do." "We're family, Uncle Bob." "I mean we should take care of each other." "Yeah, and if you can't help your family who can you help, right?" "Megan and I have seen talking about it and we decided we want you to have the money Dad gave us." "Come on, absolutely not, just forget about it." "I mean it's not ten thousand dollars or anything." "But with the money from the pool game," " at least it's a start." " Out of the question." "Look, I've been in jams before." "I can get out of this one." "Don't even think about that." "Come on, come on, guys, let's go to sleep." "Bathroom check." "You?" "You?" " No." " No." "Yes." "You guys have a good night sleep, alright." "Okay, good night." " Good night, Uncle Bob." " I love you." " We love you too." " I love you too." "Yeah, Joseph." "Just a little bit, yeah, ten thousand by tonight." "Joseph, hello." " Something wrong?" " Something wrong?" " Everything is wrong." " You usually seem so in control." "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "I'll get you to meet Tommy later on, alright." " I'm seeing him tonight." " No, you're not." "I'm fifteen, okay." "I know how to call a cab." "Look, Megan, let me ask you something." "What do you possibly see in this guy?" " He's cute." " He's cute." "You want to go out with him because he's cute?" " How about rich and famous too." " Alright, so he's cute, he's rich, and he's famous." "Other than that he has nothing else going for him, he's a loser." "Alright, let's say you go out with him, alright." "You do go out him, alright." "And you go to this crowed restaurant." " What are you going to do?" " Eat." " And then?" " Talk." "What do you usually do on your first dates?" "Don't you even think about that." "Can I ask you something, Uncle Bob?" "Are you on medication?" "Just a couple of aspirin and a tad of Jack Daniels." "Nothing serious." "Look..." "Megan." "I don't mean to hurt you." "It's just that" "I'm not used to being a parent, that's all." "I'm responsible for you." "And right now that's the most important thing in the world to me." "I may not be right." "But I've got a pretty good hunch of what not to do." "So far you seem to be an expert on what we're not to do." "One thing we can't do is hide on the beach all day." " Hello, Anita." " Bob, is that you?" " Yeah, yeah, it's me." " Where are you?" "I'm at a phone booth." "But that's not important." " I need to ask you a big favor." " What?" " Anita, are you alright?" " Well, I'm fine." " Why do you ask?" " You sound different." "Look, can I stay at your place for a few hours?" " Sure." "I love you, Bobby." " Anita, what's wrong." " Nothing's wrong." " Alright, alright." "Thanks a lot." "I really appreciate it." "Well, me too." "So listen." "We're going to stick around here for a couple of hours and then go over to Blondie's for some tea." "Now where are we going?" "First we've got to go to Anita's office." " I think she's in trouble." " I can help you, Uncle." "Don't you think I know that?" "Do you think I'd be going over there if you weren't with me?" "Oh, great, just what we need, the Hollywood honor society." "Oh, boys, get off that car." "Says who, man?" "# A dynamo got lightning and thunder in my hands #" "The one behind you." "The mean looking one." "# I'm a dynamo #" "Where did he learn to do that?" "# Got lightning and thunder in my hands #" "The big one." "Yes!" "God, he's good." "Hey, guys, you're taking up two parking spaces." "Get out of here." "Nobody ever told you it was ride to take up two spaces?" "Later, homies." "Wait a second." "Think they're in the conference room." "What are we waiting for?" "Let's go to her house and get them." "You don't know nothing." "You see that's why I'm charge." "Yeah, you don't know nothing." "We're going to wait until they don't expect it and then we're going to surprise them." " Great, I love surprises." " [ Breaking Glass ]" "[ Breaking Glass ]" "Whoa!" "That brings a whole new meaning to the phrase reach out and touch someone." "Hang it up, dear." "Let's go." "Get him." "I'm okay." "I'm okay." "Bob, what are you doing?" "Where are we going, we should call the police." "Anita, shut up." "You need to get in you car and get the hell out of here now." " Megan, let's get in the car, okay." " What took you so long?" "I have been waiting here for half an hour and have been picked up on by ten different people which, two of them I didn't even know if they were" " a man or a woman." " It doesn't really matter." "It's Hollywood." "They're kind of interchangeable, okay." " Where's Anita?" " She's already gone home." "Come on, I have a couple of life and death errands" " to run, alright." " I'm bored and I'm not getting in this car unless you promise we can do something fun." "Alright, I'll take you bowling." "It's two for one night at Hollywood." " We can bowl in Kalamazoo." " I want to go on the Universal Tour." " Yeah." " We can't go to Universal, right, now alright, it's out of the question." "I'm not getting in the car." "Alright, I have an idea, let's go to Universal." "# How long has it been since we had some time for us #" "# Just a little time together to do the things we love #" "# Loosen up #" "# Fire up your body engine hear it start to roar #" "# It's a Universal weekend now you can roar #" "[ Applause ]" " Well, how did you like it?" " Oh, it was awesome." "How about that King Kong?" "I'd sure hate to have to brush his teeth." "I'd hate to be his dentist." "I don't know, I thought he was kind of cute." "Look." "I'm glad you guys had a good time, but I've got to get you back to Michigan, right away." " We don't want to go now." " It is too dangerous here." " You've got to go." " Maybe Mom and Dad could help you." "I mean, they could lend you the ten thousand." "Yeah." "You're mom would really like that." "Look this is my problem, alright." "And I don't want to drag you dad into it." "It just wouldn't be fair that's all." "I don't think you're doing the right thing by letting this go." "I mean this is what I do." "Remember honor and integrity." "It's all part of the ninja dragon code." "Kevin, these guys don't care about the ninja code, the ninja philosophy, not even the ninja costume, okay." "All they care about is crippling a washed up agent named Bob Ryan." "Hey, they're not after me, Kevin, because I know the colonel's secret eleven herbs and spices." "They want their money and they want it now." "Come on, I lost the bet fair an square." " I guess I'm a big time loser." " I don't think you're a loser, Uncle Bob." "Thanks for saying that, Kevin." "You're really a nice guy." "You know, your heart is in the right place." "You're just a little mixed up right now, that's all." "I've been mixed up since 1972." " Face the problem straight on." " I'd love to face the problem." "But did you see the faces of those guys." " They're really big guys." " You don't have to fight them by using your fists." "You've got the truth." "Yeah, have you ever tried to stop a hard right" " punch with the truth?" " Give it a shot." "You've tried everything else." "Alright." "I'll give it a shot." "and if the truth doesn't work" " I want you to remember one thing." " What's that, Uncle Bob?" "The number 911." "Now eat your pizza, okay, it's getting cold." "Boy, I sure hope we don't run into guido and his thugs." " Uncle Bob, give the truth a chance." " You're right, you know." "I'm going to go right up to Tony's house and tell him the truth." "Good." "Now, you're sure the truth doesn't hurt." "Because you know, I'm a agent and I'm not used to telling the truth." " What do you want?" " I'm here to see your boss, okay?" " No costume." " Come on, give me a break, alright." " I just want to see Tony." " Sorry no costume, that is my orders." "Where am I supposed to get a costume now." " In the costume room." " Oh, well, why didn't you say so?" "Uncle Bob, don't you feel like a fool dressed up like a clown with all these crazy people?" "I get used to it." "You do what you have to do alright." " I feel like an idiot." " You look like an idiot." " I wouldn't talk if I were you." " Kids, kids." "Look, nobody knows who we are." "Just let's blend, alright." "Fine." "I'm hungry." "I'm going to get something to eat." "Don't pig out." "I need a drink." "Let's go over here it's free." "I'll have a Jack Daniels." "Make it a double." " I'll just have a coke." " Make his a double, too." "You can save it for later." "Uncle Bob, have you ever seen one of Don Wilson'a movies?" "Me?" "No, no." "Well, there are we things me will not do okay." "He will never drink and he will never walk away from a fight." "Well, I guess no one is going to mistake me for Don Wilson then." "Boy, you are really into this ninja stuff, aren't you?" " I am a ninja dragon, Uncle Bob." " Well, Mister Ninja." "I hate to break it to you." "This is not a movie this is real life." "I know that, but the dragon's real." "I'm glad for the dragon." "Look, Kevin, I did what you said." "I'm here." "I'm taking control of my life." "But I gotta tell you something." "I need this drink." "To the dragons." "Hi." "Kind of cute for a pig." "I bet you say that to all the girls." " So you in the business?" " What business?" "The industry." "No, I just came here with my uncle Bob Ryan." "Oh, Bob Ryan." "So where is he?" "I don't know." "Somewhere." "He's dressed like a clown." " Who else do you know?" " Tommy Hart." "I get to meet him tonight at Vertigo." "Cool." "Excuse me for a second." "What do you think Tony will do to you?" "I'm not quite sure." "I think it has to do with broken bones" " and a lot of blood." " I think you need my help." "Look, Kevin." "You know, you've helped me enough." "And I really appreciate it but I'm a big boy." "I'm going to have to learn to get by without your help." "It will all work out, Uncle Bob." "I'm sure it will one way or the other." " I'm just hoping for the other." " Even if the truth does't set you free at least you'll feel a lot better about yourself." " Wow, hey, I like that." " It's from the ninja dragon code." "And the ninja don't drink, right?" "I'm done with this." "I've got to go see Tony." " How do I look?" " Good." "Okay." "MAN:" "Hey, there's that clown Bob Ryan." "Grab him!" " Hey." " What are you supposed to be a pregnant zebra?" "Listen, you know you're even stupider than you look." "I looked a lot smarter without the wig." "Really?" "Listen, I need the cash and I need it now." "Cough." "I'm here to see Tony." "You ain't going to see anybody until I get the twenty grand." " Twenty grand?" " Interest!" "Now shut up!" "I need to make an arrangement with Tony." "He wants to see Tony." "Here you want a Tony." "Here's your Tony stupid." "Now get out of here." "Send him to the basement." "Peace." "Uncle Bob, duck." "Wow." "I'll get Megan." "Come on, get out of the way." "Get off my leg." "You're like a dog." "I can't hit a little person it won't be nice." "Ouch!" "Now we got him trapped." "Nice shot, huh?" "Get off of me." " We've got to go now." " I'm eating." "Whoa!" "I hate that kid." "Come on." "Put me down will you." " Look!" " Up there." " It's a bird." " It's a plane." "Nah, it's a ninja." "I said three wise guys, not three wise men." "You guys are pathetic." "Look, Uncle Tony." "I really could explain it." "Really?" "Well, go ahead I'm all ears." "I'm curious, gypsies, professional wrestlers, ninja's, clowns." "There were clowns, there were clowns." " And a midget too I suppose." " Yeah, there was one of them." "Obviously we need a chance of strategy here." "Get me the animal." "Now!" "Two tickets to Kalamazoo." "Okay, that will be twelve hundred sevently two dollars." " There's got to be a mistake, right?" " No, sir, there's no mistake." "Without advance purchase, I'm afraid that's correct." "That's the problem then." "See, I'm not making a purchase," "I'm making an exchange." "I already have my tickets." "Not until next week you don't." "Next!" "Wait a second." "Wait a second." "Let me ask you something." "These tickets are for 12A and 12B, right?" "Okay." "So are those seats available, right now?" " Yes, sir, they are." " Okay." "And the plane leaves in thirty minutes?" " Yes, sir, it does." " Then what is the problem?" "There is no problem, sir." "If you come back next week you'll have your seats." "Next!" "Wait a second." "I need those tickets, okay." "I'm being chased by a bunch of gangsters." "They want to kill me, my niece and my nephew." "Well, that's very interesting, sir." "If you come back next week you'll have your seats." "Thank you." "Wait a second, don't say next." " Do you take credit cards?" " Of course we do." "Put twenty five dollars on that one." "And, ahh..." "Go as high as thirty eight on that one." "That one's no good." "No." "Two hundred and fifty on this one." "Get out of here." "And you can put the balance on this one." "Make it snappy." "Here I got the tickets, this one's yours." "This one's yours." " I don't want to go." " I'm not going until I see Tommy." "Will you forget Tommy." "You got to get on the plane." "It leaves in thirty minutes." "It's dangerous I mean all the good magazines will be gone." "All that will be left is field and stream." "Great like I want to be the first one on." "I'm going to the bathroom." "Does she usually talk to your parents like that?" " No, just you." " Great, I'm special." "Hey, look, I know your disappointed about Don the Dragon." "But next time you come to visit" "I promise you, you'll get to meet him." "Well, after Megan tells my parents what happened" "I don't think there's going to be a next time." "Come on, don't say that." "You'll be back." " I know it's just that..." " It's just what?" "What?" "A ninja dragon is supposed to be there for you." "I'm sure the Dragon is there for you." "He's just there in spirit." "That's all." "Yeah." "You know, the flight leaves in ten minutes." "What is taking her so long?" "Well, she kind of has a mind of her own." "Well, that may be good." "Yeah, but..." "Oh, my God." "You don't think she..." "Kevin, go on in and check and see if your" " sisters in there, alright?" " Uncle, this is the women's room." "It's L.A. it doesn't matter go on." "Thanks, ninja buddy." "WOMAN:" "Hey!" "Where are you going jump back scum!" "It's okay, ladies, I was just looking for a little girl, that's all." "Bad choices of words." " Where is she?" " She's probably going to Vertigo." "Does she have enough money for a cab." "Well, Dad gave her five hundred dollars." "Five hundred dollars." "We're in trouble, you know." " Hi, Tommy." " Hey, Megan." " How you doing?" " Pretty good." "Why don't you sit down and join us?" "Sure." " Hi." " Glad you could make it." " Yeah, well, you know." " Where you from?" " Michigan." " Michigan." "That's where I'm from." " Where abouts?" " I'm from Kalamazoo." "Kalamazoo, I grew up in Canton." "You ever heard of it?" "Yeah, sure, it's just outside of Detroit." "I have some cousins who live there." " That's where I got my first break?" " Really." "I took some acting classes last year." "I got straight A's." " I never date actresses." " Oh, well..." "Actually, I hate acting." "Sometimes I don't even go to movies becasue it reminds me of acting." "But I always watch your films." "You're a great actor." " You want to dance?" " Sure." "Okay." "Hey, Guido." "She's here, man." "I told you she'd show up." "She's here with Tommy Hart." " Who's that?" " Tommy Hart, the soap opera star." "I hate that dude, I hate him." "Okay, listen, listen." "Get the boys together." "Because we're going to have a little rumble today, alright." "Let's go, let's go." "Hey, wake up the animal." " Hey, Megan." " What the hell is going on." "Oh, if it isn't the Rhinestone Cowgirl." " Ha ha ha!" " Megan!" "Are you alright?" "Come on, Guido, take it easy, alright, man." "I got your money." "You can have money, a car, anything you want." "Just leave these kids alone." "Look, I got your money, I got your money." "Tommy, are you okay?" "I'm so sorry." "What the hell is going on." "Oh!" "I hate kids." "Are you alright?" " Are you okay?" " The Dragon." " Wow." " What a floor show." "Don, I'm glad you got my message." "Thanks for coming." "Bob, I told you to call me if you ever needed anything." "This is Hollywood, I didn't think you really meant it." "Huh... this is great kid you've got here." "Where you been hiding him?" "I could really use someone like him." "What do you mean?" "Like for your movies." " Yeah." " Well, I represent him." "I'm his agent." "He's my nephew Kevin Ryan." " Don Wilson." " I know." "Kevin, you're on." "Yeah, yeah." "That's right." "No, listen, no scale plus ten anymore." "Forget it." "Alright, I'll take to you in the am be patient." "I've got my own dressing room with my own phone and TV." " Great." " Uncle Bob," "Don just taught me this great move, watch." "Oh!" "It is great." "I could feel the wind kick up as you came millimeters from my face." " You guys having a good time?" " I'm having a great time." "This is the best vacation ever, Uncle Bob." "That's great." "I want you guys to do me a big favor." " What." " Tell your mom." "Rolling, speed, action!" "Captioned by Grantman Brown"