"Ah, damn boy, just look at what you're doing!" "You see the condo is falling to pieces, and you try to destroy it even more." "Oh, these outsiders who just come to town to destroy everything!" "Oh, this kid!" "Let's dump him into the water!" "Leave him alone, bullies, leave him!" "Let him through!" "Gee, kids, quiet, please, calm down!" "Hey, guy, drop that stone!" "What do you want it for?" "This...it's...what's the word?" "To...to give my mom a house." "You can build it in wood." "Of course, the superstructure going to be wood." "But the basement will be of stone,... and the cornerstone has to be made of stone." "You can take it, but quit wasting my time." "But what's this?" "Is it a revolution?" "Police!" "But what's all this?" "No, my God!" "Oh, by the Virgin!" "Who was it?" "Aha!" "Rascal, rascal!" "Right now you'll get a seeing to!" "Wait!" "Where are you going?" "Scoundrel, you won't make a fool out of me!" "Police, police!" "You're not going to make fun of me." "Wait!" "Police!" "Well, look, scoundrel...this child is a criminal, this child!" "He should be with Carlos Quintero right now." "You should take him to correctional, because this can't go on." "Imagine what would have happened if I'd been there." "But, this child offender, here see you see the face of a criminal, Don Luís!" "A terrible thing." "When he was about to sneak out I saw him,... and I heard frightening noises, with broken glass flying everywhere." "I thought there was another revolution!" "No, no!" "I don't understand anything." "All my imported wines, all broken!" "Later we'll do a damage assessment." "And if you're twisting the truth, I'd bang you into jail!" "Well, if you're talking about them being imported wines, the truth, the truth is,..." "You want me to tell you where they are?" "In the wine cellar!" "But don't think that this is something illegal, no, sir!" "They are strictly legitimate, I even pay taxes, sir." "Are not you going to think I'm a scoundrel, no?" "You mean you're honest?" "I'm...well, honest, honorable, honest, no, but honest, yes." "And what did he broke them with?" "Well." "Do you know the stone buildings?" "Well, similar, but with no stonework." "What, again exaggerating?" "Well, no, actually, the truth is that it wasn't so...there was something..." "But keep in mind one thing, Eminence..." "Prosecutor!" "This is a violation!" "Go sit down!" "Right now we will draw up a report." "~ Mr. Policeman, fetch the father or mother of the accused." "~ Yes, sir." "Allow me, officer." "When you can, tomorrow if you want, come by the store." "See the many discounts we have!" "Well, I'll have a bottle there." "that Micaela says is...to lick your fingers!" "~ Get out!" "~ Yes." "With pleasure." "Why did you do this?" "It's that man's fault that my grandfather's going to die." "Mom's also sick, but his liver's failing." "What, he also pesters your mom?" "No, but my mom worries about everything that's wrong with my grandpa." "See if you can explain this well to me." "What, is your grandfather angry with this man?" "No, they're best buddies, man!" "So what's the problem?" "What do you mean, what's the problem?" "It's that this man sells booze to my grandfather, and my grandfather takes it and drinks and drinks." "Ah!" "I understand." "Look, he's in there!" "Take him to the jail for old folks!" "You know what the parrot says: don't close the door, I'm still outside." "How nice!" "Oh, I can't go in there!" "Don't you see that says "No entry for minors or people in uniform"?" "I'll have to go look for his mom." "Come." "~ Mr. Lawyer." "~ Don't interrupt me!" "Prosecutor." "OK, but what I want is that they pay me for the damages." "By God!" "When the parents or guardians of the accused come by, we'll adjudicate the matter." "Sit down." "Well, I'll take a seat, Mr. Prosecutor." "Jaime." "~ You take care of the dog." "~ Yes, ma'am." "I'll deal with the police." "What is it?" "Madam, I'm sorry to bother you." "I come to find Mrs. Juana Lopez Perez." "Juana...?" "Juana...?" "Ah, yes!" "She works here." "What do you want with her?" "Well, she'll have to accompany me to the station house." "Has she committed some terrible crime?" "No, not her, precisely." "The problem is with one of her sons." "Ah, well!" "I'll summon her immediately." "Mister, I don't know how I'll get to do it, but I'll pay anything to keep my boy out of juvie hall." "Great, that's just what I want, to be paid!" "Well, my shift ends in less than half an hour,... and I personally will go to your store to assess the damage." "I think it's perfect, Sir Prefect." "Prosecutor." "Jaime!" "You go give the dog some water." "I'll deal with Juanita." "What, again, ma'am?" "Patron, I came to ask a big favor." "As long as it's not money, since you can't be trusted with that." "Don't be mean!" "It's to keep my son out of jail." "Oh!" "But, are you crazy?" "First it was your husband, and now your son!" "Send them to the devil." "You should come and settle in here to work here for me." "Here you'll have a home, food, everything." "Please, Ma'am, I need sixty thousand pesos." "No way." "Go away with your problems,... and when they've settled down, you come back to work." "No, boss!" "Patron, please!" "Please, don't lean on the car." "Don't you see that I just waxed it?" "Who are you waiting for?" "Don Luís, he said he'll be coming in no time at all." "Tell me, Juanita, what are you doing here?" "Don Luís, I have a big problem, and I want to ask a favor." "~ Leave us alone, I need to talk to Juanita." "~ Yes, sir." "What's wrong with you, woman?" "My son Carlitos, the eldest,... believing that the liquor store's to blame for his grandfather's alcoholism,... he chucked a stone through a display window." "That's wonderful!" "And tell me, how old is your son?" "Just ten." "But if I don't pay for the damage, they'll put him into juvenile hall." "Well, how much is it?" "Just sixty thousand pesos, but I promise you that if you lend it to me, I'll work hard to pay it back,... and if you want I'll come clean your office every day." "I'm going to give it to you, and ask God to help us both." "For you, with your father, and me with the booze hound I have as a wife." "May God bless you, Don Luís!" "Yes, we're home!" "How nice is that we're all together and very quiet!" "Right?" "Yes." "Grandfather's cool when he's on his senses." "Right?" "But why does he get so rude when he drinks?" "Because this happens with alcoholics." "Wine is like the devil,... when it gets into your body, anything can happen to you." "Well, we'll heal him, right?" "I just wish it could be possible!" "No, I'm going to cure him!" "You'll see, I really will!" "I'm listening, I'm listening, I'm listening." "Oh, my grandchildren!" "Come here with your grandpa!" "The "Bean", my pigeon!" "Forgive me, but I'll abandon the bottle." "We'll abandon the bottle!" "Yes, and I'm dedicating myself to work." "Yes, so you can be proud of your grandfather." "Don't be ashamed of your grandfather." "That's that." "No!" "Just who is embarrassed by you, Grandpa?" "On the contrary, we are very proud to have the best carpenter in the world." "Oh, thank you, my Carlitos!" "What more do you want?" "You have a family that supports you and respects you." "Alas, my daughter!" "Really, forgive me, but I'm going to change." "I'm changing!" "Yes." "Then I'll leave you with your grandchildren." "I'm going to wash the clothes they entrusted me to." "Come on, girl." "God bless you." "Oh, little bean!" "Oh, son, we've walked a lot!" "Where are you taking me?" "It's a long walk to a new life, Grandpa." "No, I mean where are you taking me?" "Well, there, Grandpa!" "NEW LIFE GROUP." "ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS." "No, I don't believe in that stuff!" "No!" "No, no, you said I could take you where I want and I'm holding you to that." "Well, it's a pure waste of time." "I like to waste time." "Come on, Grandpa." "Will see how it goes." "Can we come in?" "Welcome, fellow." "Come have a seat." "And how nice to bring along your child." "This place ought to be always full of children and youth,... so that they can see in us what can happen to them." "This lad reminds me of my children,... my wife, I lost everything...to damned alcohol." "It would be great for the youngster to talk." "His point of view is very significant." "We need someone to come and tell us our hard truths." "His point of view is very significant." "And what do I say?" "Whatever you wish." "About alcoholics." "~ Really?" "~ Yes." "Companions: first of all I have to clarify one thing." "My grandfather is not an alcoholic, instead he's a "billiards-addict"." "Because he prefers billiards to..." "Well, changing the subject, he used to say that a proper man's kid is a "prospective drunkard",... so, to put it in other words, I'm a "would-be-billiards-addict"." "Because they say that in school, that's synonymous with "neat", or the possessor of beauty." "Fellow alcoholics, going on to something else,..." "I say that we must take good care of our "billiards-cage"." "OK, but I mean the ribcage we use to breathe,... because when you begin drooling,... which implies "Baby-dries"... everything begins and your face turns white,... and you have to add dog poop to the recipe so the stuff brews up." "Mexican partners and alcoholics, I have spoken." "Forgive the joke." "My grandson Carlitos is very gifted in language and when he sees me in the dumps,... he begins to say such things to lift my spirit." "Actually, I surely have given him a bad life." "To him, and to my daughter, who is a widow." "My son also died of drink." "And I have three more grandchildren who need me at home." "But I swear..." "I'm going to reform!" "Oh, thank you, this calls for a celebration!" "Who wants to check out a bottle?" "Oh, no!" "No, no, no, no." "Oh, boy!" "Good thing you brought me here!" "~ This is a big deal, yes." "~ Yeah." "But I have to make an effort." "And you have to keep on helping me with your joy and dirty jokes." "Ah, then make it roll!" "Start healing yourself, you see that everyone is in on the fight." "Ah, yes!" "And I'm going to do it, son." "Great, my son!" "We're home!" "And how did it go?" "Alas, my daughter!" "You have a very intelligent child, he's really clever." "All your grandchildren are intelligent and very clever." "Yes, some are clever and the others fools, but we all eat." "What's doing, buddies?" "How good you're all here!" "Pass it over, pass it over." "I was already in hard need of it, brother." "OK, cheers." "Lady, your breakfast." "Oh!" "I have a headache that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy." "If you have breakfast, it'll pick you up a bit." "Sorry, at this time of day it disgusts me!" "Control that disgust and eat." "You'll see, it'll bring you around." "Oh, no!" "Now I feel like something else." "Yes?" "What should I bring you?" "No, no, just take that away!" "Well, just the juice." "Oh, madam, you're starting so early!" "Oh!" "You go...clean up." "Take it away." "Very well, it's your business, ma'am." "And as you know, John, you've become responsible for these two dwarfs." "Don't open the door to anyone and make them stay away from the stove." "You go ahead." "If they give me a rough time, I'll kill them myself." "You don't kill anyone." "You just take care of them." "I'll be back soon." "Come on, guys, let's get into the dance class." "Miss, is the doctor in?" "Which doctor?" "There are lots." "Well, who do you recommend?" "What disease do you have?" "Well, I'm not sick." "How about you?" "For me, the trouble is that I get very tired feet." "Well, that is very serious, you need to see a pediatrician." "Seriously." "Now, boy, get out of here, you're just talking nonsense." "You can't travel to other floors." "This area prohibits visiting by children." "MEN" "What floor?" "It doesn't matter as long as you don't step on the flowers." "To the second floor." "For where are the flowers?" "They are for the lady who had the child." "Here, you can't go there, those are the operating rooms." "That's what I'm looking for." "Didn't you say you're looking for the woman who had a child?" "Yes, the lady who's in post-op!" "What about this?" "This...the lady who you operated on yesterday sends it to you." "The one with varicose veins, or the one with rheumatic fever?" "~ That very one, the one with..." "~ And how was her state when she woke up?" "Very romantic!" "And she sent me with these flowers." "She also sent me so you can operate on my grandfather." "~ And what's wrong with your grandfather?" "~ He's an alcoholic." "An alcoholic?" "I can't help." "There's no operation for that." "Oh, no?" "So how is that cured?" "It's based on willpower." "Or getting a good scare." "Is that so?" "Yes, the fact is that you realize that you can die,... and out of fear, you stop drinking." "Ah, yes!" "Why did you steal the flowers?" "What's wrong, what's wrong, Sandokan?" "Hand over my flowers." "What do you mean, hand over the flowers?" "Not that you're so handsome, brother!" "It's over, man!" "Go on, beat it!" "You, big guy, why did you hit him, brother?" "Aren't you ashamed, he's so small?" "No more scandals here." "Come on, kids, hurry up." "We still have these there!" "How greedy!" "Check it out, guys, there's the bloodsucker!" "Oh, if he sucks this kid's blood, he'll get drunk!" "What's up?" "You're not funny." "Sure, man, ever since yesterday you were stumbling around like a spinning top, bro!" "It was Mom's birthday..." "Bah!" "Come on, kids, get out the loot, we'll go on in." "Shorty!" "What are you doing in these parts, I haven't seen you around, Shorty?" "Oh, you've become so vain and discriminatory, Shorty!" "Look, Shorty, I'll tell you one thing,... the first before the second,... because you're not to know, nor do I to tend to gossip." "But you know what "Shakespeare" said, don't you?" "Well, I don't know either because he said that in English, Shorty." "Ah!" "Right?" "Indeed, he made it hard for you, like the guy in "Nouveauté"!" "Hey, Shorty, I'll tell you something else." "There are moments in the life of the individual... that you are not to know... but why don't you step out to the world?" "And that's when you stop to think and say..." ""Oh, man, we don't deserve this!"" "And then one says, "Why?"" "Ah!" "Right, Shorty?" "Shorty, I'll tell you one thing." "You know." "And if you don't know, then ask." "See you around, Shorty." "Oh, Mommy!" "Oh!" "Ay, ay, ay, ay!" "Oh, again!" "Oh, Mommy!" "Zauludovsky!" "Look, that vampire wants to eat me!" "Please, Jacobito, save me!" "Help me, Jacobito!" "Yes, help me!" "You, Jacobito!" "There he is, there he is!" "~ Transvaal." "~ No, I don't drink." "And I like blood with alcohol!" "Oh, he likes blood with alcohol!" "He wants the blood of a widower." "Zauludovsky, tell everyone, I don't take alcohol." "I'm not going to drink any." "Oh, Mommy!" "Oh, no dragging me, man!" "This is human rights abuse!" "Well, you don't know who you're messing with!" "I'll make them fire you!" "~ You don't know who my uncle is!" "~ Who is your uncle?" "The brother of my dad." "What, where are we taking a trip to?" "Now, that's good!" "Hey, why did they take him?" "Why?" "He hit a poor guy with a bottle." "Now, why did you come home soaked?" "Those loser boys got me wet again." "Mom, I fed the children." "Thank you, son, you're quite a man." "And you, why are you soaked?" "Hey, Mom, we have to go get some tortillas, right?" "What?" "We have to go for tortillas, right?" "Yes, we're going." "Yes, but right now." "~ Oh yeah!" "Come on." "~ Let's go." "Yes, he's locked up, and I'll give him two weeks." "God forgive me, but then at least I'll know where he is all the while." "Hey, Mom, then won't my grandfather get drunk in here?" "I wish this jail was a sanatorium!" "That's the place he needs." "And --- damn!" " now you better leave, because I don't want to see you here." "Anyway, thank you very much." "By your leave." "Safe home." "Oh!" "Oh, no!" "What is it, Mom?" "Just the same old thing, but for a few days now it's been getting worse." "Is it your liver?" "It always hurts me a lot, but I have so many problems..." "We're going to the free clinic." "No, no, wait, it'll ease off in a moment." "It scared me to hear about your grandfather." "No, you're going to the doctor." "Let's go." "Come on." "Does it hurt much?" "Yes, doctor, plenty." "It's your liver." "It's very inflamed." "Yes, it's been bothering me for quite a while." "By the color of your skin and the whites of your eyes, I can diagnose hepatitis." "Hopefully, it's not infectious." "And is that very dangerous, doctor?" "Yes, very dangerous." "If not cared for, it can become cirrhosis, and that can't be cured." "Heal her, doctor!" "Heal her, please!" "Tell us what we have to do." "I'll prescribe some capsules, and a diet,... but mostly a lot of rest." "Seriously:" "I want you not to work and to stay in bed without getting up." "Oh, Doctor, that will be very difficult!" "No!" "What difficulty, doctor?" "I'll take responsibility for that." "Yes, I am responsible for that!" "~ She'll be well taken care of!" "~ Very well." "And you know, whoever doesn't want to be orphaned will care for her too." "Right?" "We don't even let her sweep up, or do any other little thing." "Clear?" "Don't worry, he who won't obey me, I'll get even with." "You don't slug anybody, you just keep an eye on them." "Oh, boy, now you're going to be the breadwinner of the house!" "Ah, yes!" "Well, I'll be back pretty soon." "I'm going to the horse-taming show." "And what if she wants to pee?" "Ah, no, let her do that." "Well, OK, I'm off." "Here you go, ma'am." "Thank you, Martita." "Lady, this kid wants to talk to you." "How could you leave the dog alone?" "~ You will give him his vitamins." "~ Yes, ma'am." "I'll see to this youngster here." "I'm here to bring a greetful affection from my mom Juana." "~ Juana?" "~ Yes, Juanita." "Juanita is slacking off far too much." "Ah, yes, that's why I came to speak to you." "I'm to work in her stead." "You're not even good enough to retrieve a dog from an open field." "Why not?" "If I worked with a lady who had many pigs!" "And what experience did you acquire there?" "Well, most everything, everything around the place." "The lady used to say:..." ""Now, Carlitos, go see if the sow has already laid out."" "And I bleated: "Later, later."" "Ah, you are an awful errand boy,... you don't have the skill!" "No, of course I have skill, and I know all the names for pigs." "Check it out: pork, pig, hog, swine, sow, sweet tacos...all of them!" "And what else did you learn?" "When dealing with piglets, the shoats, shout "down the slit,"... and they'll act like a piggy bank." "Seriously!" "I'm not persuaded." "You're a Communist." "Go on, beat it!" "Gosh, she's super cuckoo!" "Come see the man who killed his wife because she won't feed him." "For those who wake up with a taste of iron,... a taste of bronze, here I bring this wonderful medicine." "With just three drops of this wonderful elixir, you'll forget all your diseases." "And now, the sensational, the magnificent,..." "I present to you, and before your eyes,... one of the most dangerous reptiles from the jungles of Brazil,... the little boa snake." "You'll see, it's very dangerous, I'll show it to you right away,... but for doing so I need an assistant." "You, boy, kid, innocent,... since his hands haven't sinned he's the lucky chosen one to help me at this time." "Come, young sir, please, you sit here in this chair,... you are the one chosen to show these people... the danger of this small boa snake." "Just take it in your hands, please... it's very dangerous, very dangerous, please... take it very carefully." "Right." "This small snake is known for the quality of its venom." "It is highly dangerous, and it is precisely why this small Mexican lad... in whom we've put all our confidence, for you to see the danger of the snake,... while I show them to you and present the benefits of this wonderful elixir." "This wonderful elixir which I will not sell,... mind you, which I will not sell, that I'm going to give away." "It's going to give it away with love." "I'll just ask you to donate a hundred pesos." "A hundred pesos, nothing more." "Whoever wants this wonderful elixir will save themselves from all their troubles,... all their pains, just by cooperating,... just going to have to donate a hundred pesos." "A hundred pesos and it's yours." "A hundred pesos." "Here you are." "A hundred pesos!" "Who else?" "Everyone wants to be healthy." "Everyone wants to be well." "Santa Claus came!" "Look, for you and for the dwarves!" "Mom, what do you think?" "I'm working with a gentleman who's a barker." "Well, he's like a doctor." "No, he's like a magician." "Well, he's only a daydreamer." "Well, what did Doña Mari say to you?" "Well, Doña Mari is half crazy, right?" "She wanted to spout a stream of nonsense, and so I had to put up with it." "Yes, she has a great husband, and a lot of money, and children, but the lady also likes her drink." "Oh yeah?" "Well, I'm going to bring home even more money." "But eat something, son." "John made some eggs with some great sausage meat." "Oh, really?" "And I took care of my mom and didn't let her do anything." "Ah, well!" "Let's see." "Thank you, son, I feel much better." "Thank you." "I will eat this." "And now, child, expound to the lords and ladies who're visiting us this morning,... what happened to your mom." "Well, my mom...my mom, ever since I was a little boy was very sick,... warts came out of her neck, and warts out of her legs." "When she married, what happened?" "My mom thought the marriage would stop them, but the warts kept on coming." "And you were born." "Well, what then?" "So then my mom came by and bought one of these wonderful balms." "And what happened to the warts?" "The warts on her neck began to disappear and the same on her legs." "Now her blood's flowing properly." "Her blood flows without obstruction." "And then what happened?" "My dad came and saw us all huddled in bed." "Oh, and you already wrecked me!" "So, as I was saying, you heard about the benefits of this wonderful fluid." "Well, how good you came to me, boy!" "Because I now for free I'll give you a bottle of this wonderful liquid and I will heal you." "Let's see, let's see." "But just look, such a mess!" "Look, these tonsils are covered with boils,... you have a very pernicious anemia,... and on top of that, your tongue is covered with ashes." "Come on, come on, give me more, give me more!" "Don't see that I have to bring it to my family?" "But what's wrong?" "That's just the salary for an assistant." "Please, get crazily big-hearted, you took in more than five thousand pesos!" "Well, but what you do that matters, brother?" "Besides, you let me down." "You forget everything, you're crude..." "Oh, and when you get drunk, you change the questions!" "Here, take it and go." "Don't come back tomorrow." "I'll get a more responsible helper than you." "Scram." "~ Nothing more than this?" "~ That's right, go on, beat it." "You mule, you old thief!" "That's the last." "Are you done?" "Yeah." "Now I'm going to wash cars." "But beforehand, you do me one manly thing." "Prove that you are very macho, OK?" "Chase that guy loitering by the black car out of the garage for me." "He only comes here to scratch the cars." "Right away." "Hey, what are you doing there?" "Is that car your family's?" "It wish it could be my family's." "And I'm not leaning on it." "I'm here because I'm waiting for Don Luís." "Look, if you want to wait, wait outside." "Are you man enough?" "Why?" "What's the problem, what's the problem?" "Why?" "Because I want to." "But why are you letting them fight?" "They're just tramps that come here to mess around." "I don't want fights or violence around here." "Come on, kids, what's the story?" "What is it, boys, what's it all about?" "Christ!" "But I come here to wash cars but he just comes here to scratch them." "No, that's not true, sir, it's my first time here." "~ My mom Juanita sent me." "~ Juanita?" "Come on, kid, bugger off." "And how's your mom?" "Well, Mom is real sick,... but I come to tell you that I'm going to pay the debt we owe you." "Just let me work, wait for me a while." "What about your grandfather?" "My grandfather?" "My grandfather is in jail, but he'll be out soon." "So you're the man of the house?" "Yes, that's why I am going to pay you back." "Very good, very good." "Look, do me a favor." "Take this to your mom." "No, no, wait, I already owe you a lot." "No, no, go ahead, go ahead, take it, and tell her I want her to get well." "~ Thank you." "~ Pass on my best wishes for her health." "You know, if you need more, just let me know." "Shame on you, boy, they broke your coccyx!" "My what?" "Your coccyx!" "You'll see, we'll make it big." "What if we poison them?" "What do you think?" "Don't be silly, it's just pure sugar water and food coloring!" "All settled, I already learned my patter well." "You're the teacher, you answer." "Yeah." "Are we going to rehearse what we're going to say?" "Come on, let's get started." "Which one do we begin with?" "With the one about getting warts all over your body." "Well, little children, God bless." "Go on, but be back early." "Yes, don't worry, we'll be back at five." "And be warned, if you don't take care of mother, you'll have to taste the cock in me." "A chicken?" "But roasted, Dad!" "Let's go!" "Come on, boy, on your haunches." "That's it." "The gentlefolk want to see you lay an egg like all chickens." "Thank you." "While the boy is left to concentrate,..." "You can acquire this wonderful cure-all balm." "Yes, this wonderful balm costs the ridiculous sum of just twenty pesos." "~ Come on, boy, how's it going?" "~ Fine!" "Let's see, my dear little hen, let's show people here... that we are not kidding around and that you'll get a white one." "Let's see, a push." "A little push,... one push and everything will be just like it should be." "Let's see, my dear little hen, and everything will come out just like it should." "Push." "~ Here it comes." "~ That's it, push, push!" "Push." "And is the egg, already!" "See the wonder, and it's still warm!" "Great!" "We did it, right?" "For the first day, it was really cool." "Hey, can we take roast chicken to the kids and Mom?" "Sure, we'll take it." "These are the ones who sold me the bottle." "Damned bullies!" "Hand over the cash!" "Don't cry, man, we'll make it up for it tomorrow." "But what about the roast chicken?" "Well, we'll get it tomorrow." "But don't say anything to the boss --- right?" " because it'll just make her sicker." "He who blows the whistle is a whore!" "Let's go, come along now." "Although I need to recover what you stole from my profits on my medicine... we're going to share your profits among the three of us, so you can see I'm being fair." "Come on, boy, tell me where is the Gulf of Mexico?" "A while ago I saw him, he was sunning like a lizard." "Oh!" "Come on, move!" "Come on, you donkey!" "Move it!" "~ Now you hit me for real!" "~ Well, that's what I wanted." "You're quite a donkey." "Quite a donkey!" "Oh, no doubt you're a donkey!" "But I'll give you one last chance." "Yes, Sir Canuto." "Come on, tell me where is the Pacific?" "He was locked up because he's afraid to come out and a bully will slug him." "Come on, come on, donkey boy!" "Stop hitting me!" "Why are you such an ass, you?" "How can I not hit you?" "Then run, and don't disturb the lady students,... because they have followed to acquire this wonderful balm." "Yes, a cure-all!" "A cure for everything from dandruff to a fisheye." "Let's see, for only the ridiculous price of twenty pesos." "Let's see who takes it?" "Who'll buy it?" "Will this lady here want some?" "Sure." "Yes, money, money." "Giving, giving, and it's yours." "That's it." "Let's see who takes it." "Do you take it?" "Of course!" "Now we're going to take a crowded way home... so we don't get ambushed like yesterday." "What, today we're going to buy chicken?" "Yes, but we'll buy close to home, even if it's more expensive, that doesn't matter." "These are the ones, Mom." "I saw them when they took the wallet." "Damn kids!" "You stole the purse, but you're going to pay!" "Hand it over!" "And thank God I'm a good person, otherwise right now I'd send you to juvie hall." "They already made us their piggy banks!" "Yes, but I saw where all this come from, brother." "~ What, it went well?" "~ Sure, no prob." "Man, that's fine." "Well, if I need you again, I'll let you know." "What happened to the bottles?" "We left them with a lady in charge of a restaurant." "So we wouldn't have to carry them around." "Well, may God bless you and may things go better." "~ Come, let's go." "~ Let's go." "So what are we going to sell now?" "For now we won't sell anything but we they won't steal from us either." "So what, then?" "As you'll see, but I need to get some things." "Oh, that way we won't earn much enough for the roasted chicken!" "JULY'S BEAUTY PARLOR" "Hey, Miss, the garbage truck arrived and he says he won't be back until Monday." "Oh, what a problem!" "But go on, there are two full trash cans." "I'll be right back for the other one." "But hurry, the truck is going!" "All set, Miss." "Thank you, son." "Here." "No, but you don't have to give me so much." "Come in, brother, come along." "Paint me." "But paint me with a great big mouth, a huge one." "Remember when we went to the circus?" "Oh, you're going to be better than that rascal!" "Come on, don't talk so much and paint me at once." "Well done, but don't let your hand shake, man." "Hey, my porch isn't a trash can!" "Trash?" "But what are you talking about, neighbor?" "What am I talking about?" "Don't play dumb." "That junk is yours." "It's full of hair and makeup wrappers!" "Don't tell me it's not from here!" "I'm calling the police to file a report." "No, neighbor, wait!" "Wait, neighbor!" "No!" "Clown, why are you weeping?" "I lost my parents." "Oh, man, that's too bad!" "And how do you lose them?" "In a coin toss!" "Alas, instead of wasting your time here you should be in school!" "Yes, now I'm going, but I'm very angry." "Come on, tell me why." "What do you mean why?" "They're about to start sex education!" "I think it's great that all children can become aware of certain things." "Yes, but what upsets me is that they're not giving us any homework, buddy." "Mr. Policeman, can you take us home?" "~ Take you?" "~ Yes." "No." "I can't move from my post." "Come on, it's twice now that we've been robbed." "And we're scared." "Are you carrying a lot of money?" "No, just for a roast chicken." "No, come on, we just live around the corner." "Boys!" "Where do you think you're going, buddies?" "No, then, I mean...we're wrecked." "I hate that you're still poaching on my turf. and I have to bring money enough for food." "You know, as soon as things settle down I won't come back here." "Well, so you see that I'm nice,..." "I'll let you go on working here... but you'll have to give me half of your profits." "Sure, it's like I was paying the dues." "Sure!" "Yes, yes, of course." "Quick, quick, Mr. Policeman, there's a crazy old man who's swimming in the fountain." "Duty calls." "~ What about the money for the chicken?" "~ Money for the chicken?" "I dropped the bills!" "Let's look for them!" "How do you think we're going to look?" "That parrot will grab the both of us!" "The tamales are already here, come on in." "We didn't order any tamales." "But I did, and I am inviting you to eat." "Come." "I've brought two other guests." "Why not, Father." "Let's see, my king." "Here, your corn muffin." "We have to bring Mom and the dwarves here." "Yes, you have to bring them." "Let's see if we can get some tamales to go." "They're really good!" "OK, this is great!" "~ What, the tamale?" "~ No, the cup." "Follow me." "Wait for me here." "I'll bring him right away." "Oh, my grandchildren!" "Here you go, but make it snappy, because you know children aren't allowed in here." "Yes, I'll just hug my grandchildren and that's all." "Oh, how great!" "Oh, pigeon, how great that you came to see me!" "How's your mom and my other grandchildren?" "~ Well, Mom's already a little better." "~ Oh, good!" "And the other kids, I have them under my thumb." "How nice!" "And forgive me." "Now I'm going to conduct myself well." "Now I'm going to cut out the partying." "I'm just about out of here and I'll behave very well and dedicate myself to work as God intended." "God's truth." "Look, Grandpa, we brought you a few tamales and corn muffin." "~ Thanks!" "~ We stole them." "Well, that's enough of telenovelas, or I'll start crying." "Come on." "Well, thank you, children." "God bless you." "God bless you, my son." "Come on, get out with God." "Go with God." "And say hello to your mother, and the children!" "Hey, then you can sign us up as alcoholics?" "Yes, of course." "A true vocation should start your age." "Is that so?" "Yes, who knows whether in twenty years the priests of this church will be you?" "No, not me." "I want to get married and have lots of babies." "We'll see, we'll see." "Let's see what God says." "Meanwhile, help me clean this robe,... or at least air it out a bit." "When you're done with that, give this a go." "Say, this looks like a cape." "Yes, but it's cassock." "It's pretty old and all, but it still serves." "Yeah." "Hey, what about your brother?" "Right!" "I'd better get him before he gets up to some mischief." "John!" "John!" "John!" "John, come on, John!" "John?" "What's this?" "The bottom opened." "Who opened its bottom?" "The collection box." "I just poked it, and it fell open." "Now what do we do?" "It's for mom's chicken." "No way, what were you thinking?" "That is theft." "It may anger the Virgin." "Just ask Her to lend it." "Madonna, You love me." "You know that we are in dire straits." "I also owe Don Luís, but I swear I'll pay you, I swear." "Let's go, she said yes!" "Come on!" "Yummy!" "Yesterday you didn't stay to eat." "I just don't like being a burden." "What about your brother?" "No, I didn't bring him today, he causes a lot of trouble, and then he has such nasty ideas..." "You must be tolerant with him." "Everything he does he does with good intentions." "He's an innocent." "~ Is that right?" "~ Yes." "Well, we'll continue with the housework." "Look, man." "Go take this to the cleaners." "It's a robe that some wax fell on." "I'm on my way." "What's happening, where's the cleaning guy?" "He didn't come today, come on, fuck off." "Grandmother." "Granny!" "How are you?" "Just going on, like tamale plants, son: bad but still giving away." "Hey, Grandma, I send many greetings from my grandfather, my mother, and my brothers." "Oh, yes, of course, many greetings!" "And yet they don't come to see me, to see whether I've already hung up my trainers." "Oh, no, Grandma!" "It's just that my mother is a little ill." "And what of that fright of a grandfather?" "Ah, him...!" "He'll return to carpentry, since today is the 14th of the month..." "They let him out today!" "Oh, you, you talk like he was tied up like a dog!" "Hey, Grandma, I wanted to ask a favor." "Wait for a bit." "What can I do for you, my love?" "Grandma, look, I'll become an alcoholic, and I need you to fix me a suit." "~ Oh!" "And with this fabric?" "~ Yes." "Oh!" "But it's so black?" "Well, in the churches, they're all dressed in black." "Oh, you'll all look like buzzards!" "But don't worry, look, I've got a red piece here... and I'm going to put on, and you'll see how nice it comes out!" "It should be here." "It's that next condominium." "Come on!" "This is heavier!" "Ah, what's happening is that you're already wrecked!" "Let's turn, time to turn." "It should be right here." "Here it is." "I tell you, he doesn't do it in bad faith, girl!" "Come and see, your grandfather's been released." "Oh, good, Grandpa!" "But you promised me you were going to comport yourself well, right?" "Yes, son, and right now I don't have any other choice." "I think I'm sick." "I have a fever, right?" "Look, bean, check it out, check it out, Melon." "So what happened?" "They kept me in a very cold place." "And then when I got here, the neighborhood kids were holding water wars,... and they soaked me on my back." "I'm cold." "In spite of it, the good thing is that you're already back here, Dad." "I asked your mom to give me an alcohol rub." "No, in this house there's no alcohol for rubbing nor for anything else." "~ But I'm sick!" "~ I couldn't care less!" "Well, you're right, yes, why enter into temptation?" "Just one whiff and..." "Miss, do you want help with your things?" "~ No, no, you can't, you're too young." "~ I'm strong." "~ No, you can't." "~ Yes, I can!" "~ No, no!" "~ Look, I brought my assistant!" "~ Ah!" "Your assistant?" "~ Yes, man." "The bag." "Well, go ahead." "Don't throw things around, you, be careful." "Help me!" "Now, Miss, how about that?" "Again." "This is for you." "Here, here, come on, I'm running late, and my husband'll be furious." "She's already gone?" "I'm up the creek, brother!" "~ Every day I get even more indebted." "~ Why?" "What do you mean why?" "Luís, I owe --- I owe to the Virgin of Guadalupe the collecting box money,..." "I owe the Holy Child of Antioch for the clothes." "And now this bag?" "No way, but this must be owed to the devil." "Pass the ham." "Give me the cheese, son." "~ And you, John, why don't you eat?" "~ I'm not hungry." "John's a glutton." "In the market, he was stuffing himself." "Well, at least join us with some grapes, cream --- right?" " Something." "Don't insist, Grandpa, or else John will wet the mattress." "And then will leave a smudge." "Oh, cheer up!" "Come on!" "~ Granny!" "~ Hello, my son." "Look, Grandma, today I brought you some fruit, cheese, and ham." "Who'd you steal it from?" "No, no, what do you think?" "I worked today in the market and so I brought all that back." "Oh, you scared me!" "But hey, look, I'm finishing the suit and it's turning out the best." "You'll look like a proper dandy." "Hey, Grandma, don't say anything to Grandfather about making me this suit." "It's just that he doesn't want me to be an alcoholic." "Look, my son, I'm quiet as a tomb." "No, no, Grandma, you're a woman with a whip!" "Old leather, but I'm not gone yet!" "Come on, let's try on the suit,... because you're going to take it this very day." "First the lining, hang on." "~ I'll take it off." "~ No." "How awful!" "No!" "It can't be!" "I don't know how it happened." "One woman said she saw it, and that a dwarf this tall jumped over him,... clinging around his neck, and wouldn't let go, wouldn't let go." "But who was it, who?" "It was a dwarf, a dwarf,... wearing a black cape... and he's already appeared in other condominiums." "It wasn't a mad dog?" "No, no, I don't think so." "I think it's a child Dracula." "A boy Dracula." "In my country, we've seen this, he's the son of Dracula." "And he's very dangerous, very dangerous." "But they say this Dracula is different, he's an alcoholic,... he attacks only those who drink." "~ Want to share a drink?" "~ No, no, no, no." "No...!" "That explains why so many drunk guys are found dead." "He catches them having their drunk-nap and it's "Goodbye, cruel world" for them." "To me it sounds like prime bullshit." "Do you mean that?" "Better wear a sweater, because any day now he'll come to greet you." "If he likes wine, he'll find it here to get satiated and then some." "But I'll have to charge him for it." "Indeed he likes it, but with blood!" "Don't you see that this little boy is Dracula?" "Ah!" "Really, it's not just a story!" "A lot of people have seen him!" "He's already killed a few, they have even reported him at the police station." "Really." "But, why does it happen only to those who drink?" "Well, he likes alcohol mixed with blood." "Ah, like a cocktail!" "No!" "Either way, I won't go out at night, so I'll be all right." "Really." "What about John?" "He spent all afternoon in the toilet." "To me, that's just Montezuma's revenge." "Oh, that's my Carlitos!" "Look, there he is." "Are talking about me?" "We're talking about Chiquidrácula." "Ay, ay, ay, run, before he gets you!" "But what did John eat?" "Boo!" "I'm the terrible Chiquidrácula!" "Quit drinking, else you'll learn of me and...nyah hah hah!" "It will be dawn soon." "¤ Santa Teresa, let it better be beer, let it be beer!" "¤ Then said Doña Lucila, let's rather have some tequila, let it be tequila!" "¤" "Ah, ah, Mommy!" "Oh!" "Oh, boy!" "What are you doing up so early, and so made up?" "Well...it's because I felt like scaring people at night." "But I'm afraid I made some mistakes." "Don't tell me...hey, what about your grandfather?" "My grandfather...it's...my error was just about him." "I saw him drunk, so I had to put a scare into him." "Let's see, explain better, because I don't understand anything of this." "Look, I bit his neck, but I think I did it way too hard." "You bit him?" "But why?" "Look, this is the Chiquidrácula costume." "Chiquidrácula?" "Look, let's go through this slowly." "Look, I went to the museum exhibit of "London", then I saw my grandfather..." "I gave him a bite really hard." "I did it way too hard!" "You've achieved something wonderful, sensational." "And the bite?" "No, man, that bite thing is going to cure him from alcoholism." "Look, your grandfather is terrified." "So keep quiet, boy, keep quiet." "Right?" "Ah, but sure, now you're going to have to comport yourself like a little man." "Sure." "And to keep the secret of your secret identity." "Gee, ha ha!" "Knock, knock." "Do you hear?" "One, two, three, testing." "Such a boy, this!" "Just look at how you've worried your whole family." "Look, I have already apologized many times, all right?" "That won't take you very far." "Don't scare him any further, Doctor." "No, what worries me is something else, and very serious." "What is it, what's happened?" "Look, you've assured me that it was Chiquidrácula who attacked you." "But as I see it, it was a poisonous animal, something like a scorpion." "No, Doctor, I saw it." "Look, was stocky, with fangs that bit me, and he ran away." "But if you were drunk, how did you notice?" "But I saw it, yes, I saw it." "Well, out of the scare, I even sobered up." "I don't believe in that stuff, but look, we do assure you,... that I can't discharge you." "And I'm sending you to a special hospital because I personally need to examine you... and send you to do a series of tests." "Well, actually, Doctor, tell me, is this mortal, then?" "Well..." "I don't want to scare you, but from now on... we'll keep you here and take care of you, too." "And, ma'am, calm down." "Truly we must thank God that this man hasn't died." "Miss Leontina, do you want to prepare this documentation for tomorrow?" "Sure." "~ What's happening, what's happening, my friend?" "~ How are you, Don Luís?" "Right." "What can I do for you?" "As it is, I've been very distressed because I haven't been able to pay back what I owe you." "What, haven't you been working?" "No, sure I worked!" "I was already getting used to working at the market." "~ But something very ugly happened." "~ What happened?" "It's that..." "But you won't tell anyone, right?" "Because it's a secret that I put a lot of work into." "Ah, no, see, tell me, tell me." "You've piqued my curiosity,... and you know everybody plays gossiping physician and crazy guy a bit." "What happened?" "Very well, because there are already three of us in on the secret!" "Sounds like a wonderful idea." "So much so that I'll call a journalist friend of mine,..." "I will pay a good amount to create a scandal." "This Chiquidrácula has to be famous." "Well, what about you, what do you think?" "Well, I think I'm going to go with the flow as long as my grandpa's cured." "~ Bravo!" "~ Well, let's get to work, huh?" "Heck, what a major headache!" "This morning we had a medical consult." "And what, what, what happened?" "We came to the conclusion that an alien assaulted you." "An alien or a Martian, I don't know what the hell else,... but the fact is, it was something totally unknown." "No, Doctor, it was Chiquidrácula, it was Chiquidrácula!" "So be it, but the fact is that you're doomed... to not taste a single drop of alcohol again in your whole life." "No!" "No, no, look, it's that your blood is contaminated with an extremely rare saliva... to such an extent that if we mix it with alcohol, it'll blow up like gunpowder." "Oh, no, Doctor!" "Yes, yes, we did a test in the laboratory." "~ I can't even take a little bit?" "~ What?" "Well, if so, I'd rather save my life." "No way." "Goodbye drinking, goodbye Walking-backwards!" "I'll really explode?" "Oh, please, don't joke about that, man!" "Have you read this?" "Yes, the assault on the bank." "~ No, no, about Chiquidrácula." "~ Yes, I read it." "And isn't it terrible?" "No." "Why?" "In addition to the crisis, inflation, pests we have to tolerate,... we still have to put up with aliens who come to attack us." "Well, I'm talking pity just about those who drink alcohol." "But can that be true?" "Sure!" "Here is the statement of a very prominent doctor, a biologist,... and photographs of the patient they are investigating." "~ You're not finishing breakfast." "~ No, I'm in a rush." "Also be careful, you don't want to cross paths with this tyke." "Nonsense." "If I were you, I'd close every door, just in case." "See you, Melina." "Shall I bring you some chilaquiles, ma'am?" "No, thanks, Martita, I'm not in the mood." "Shut all the doors and check the windows." "Well, I'll let you go home, but you know the conditions." "We must return to work, and no alcohol." "No, no alcohol, if I don't want to die." "Well, come on, make your family happy." "Thanks for everything, doctor." "Let's go, let's go." "~ Good luck, lady." "~ Excuse me." "Come in, Juanita, come in." "Jaime!" "Go release the dog." "Yes, ma'am." "~ Juanita, come in!" "~ Doña Mari, I'm cured." "I'm at your service whenever you want." "Oh, good!" "But first you must explain something." "Is it true that your dad was bitten by Chiquidrácula?" "Yes, you just imagine what a disgrace!" "So get out, get out, and don't ever come back here!" "Jaime, bring the dog!" "You're going to guard the house." "I need you to bare your fangs,... and when that Chiquidrácula shows up, you eat him." "~ Here's your coffee, ma'am." "~ Thank you." "Don't worry, Juanita, you won't lose out on work." "But what, then?" "What you must do is to watch your father, attend to your children,... and send Carlitos to me --- I need to talk to him." "Here, take this money, so this week you'll have no problems." "But I owe it to you." "I keep track of my debts." "No, don't worry, and send me your boy." "Don't forget that." "Good to see you." "How are you, my daughter?" "Dad, I came to see if you're eating at home, or whether want me to get you something." "No, maybe I'll eat at home,... because if you bring me something here, the fleet led by Walking-backwards will dock here." "I don't want that anymore, my girl." "Don't even mention it, Dad." "I don't want to go on as an orphan." "No!" "You're still too young to be an orphan." "Besides, you'll still have your dad for a long time." "What's up, Carlitos?" "How does this look to you?" "Speaking of the devil, my son..." "Take that tune somewhere else, my dad does not drink!" "Oh, hail the skirts!" "No, it's no joke, I'm serious, man." "So fuck off, and anytime you bring me a chair, I'll fix it." "And if you ever come bringing temptation, I'll knock a chair on your big head." "Well, your loss!" "What a skirt-licker!" "Yep, you pissed it, I don't drink anymore." "~ Good afternoon, Miss Secretary." "~ Good afternoon." "I just a while ago now I was in my suite,... when my lady mother said: "Carlos, Don Luís needs your services."" "Which is the reason why I allowed myself to put aside my pending business... to rush to meet the summons of my friend Don Luís." "You want to talk to him, right?" "No, no, no, hang on." "In this case, it's him the one who wants to talk to Miguelito." "Miguelito's your name?" "No, I am the young Carlos M. ..." "Carlos what?" "Just tell him Carlitos." "All right." "Have a seat." "I'll inform him right away." "Yes." "You can go in, boy." "What's up, kiddo?" "At your service, for whatever mission you send me on." "I'm going to ask for a favor of the size of the cathedral." "I'm here to serve." "Look, let's prepare everything very well." "I don't want any lose ends." "Look, first I want you and me to talk." "I brought your vodka, ma'am." "Oh, Martita, how lovely!" "You'll go to heaven." "~ You don't want some?" "~ No, ma'am, thank you." "And you, who are you?" "No, baby, I'm not you!" "I'm the mistress of this house." "Hello?" "Oh, yes, my love!" "Don't wait for dinner." "I've got a lot of work and I'll be late." "The kids are asleep." "I already put on my nightgown." "Well, shut up the house well." "OK?" "Oh, don't give me all that silly advice!" "Don't get mad, but these days, there are assaults, rapes, and even blood-sucking creatures." "You're just making me nervous." "Now go to sleep in peace, and have a good night." "Bah!" "Boo!" "Don't pretend, you were afraid!" "There's a victim." "It sounded like it came from your wife's room." "Come, come now!" "Oh, he snuck in, it was Chiquidrácula!" "He nearly cut through your jugular!" "Call a doctor, I don't want to die!" "Call a doctor!" "I'll call the doctor right away." "Lady, I have to tell you the truth in front of your husband." "Talk, please, Doctor." "Well, look: you present the same symptoms as the other victims." "But is there a cure?" "Let's just build on past experience... and we'll apply the same treatment." "Doctor, I don't want to die!" "I have my husband and my children, I don't want to die!" "Lady, one thing for sure, you'll have to keep a very strict convalescence." "I warn you." "And you know, no alcohol." "Sure, no alcohol." "Or else I'll die." "Well, you're going to be in charge of this building." "Yes, Don Luís." "You'll have a great apartment to live in rent-free,... and I'm going to pay a good monthly salary." "Oh, Don Luís, we don't have how to thank you!" "You, Don Carlos, you can wash cars during the day." "And then go to the joinery." "But you know, you have to drop your old friends, because otherwise..." "Else I'll leave and take my kids." "Let's see who is going to walk you away from problems." "Look, just don't worry about me anymore." "I don't even want to die, or lose my grandkids, or my daughter." "Well, then forge ahead." "Look, Honey, this is Carlitos." "In his spare time, when not in school, he's going to help out as a messenger between my office and home." "~ At your service." "~ Nice to meet you, Carlitos." "~ Here I am, Dad." "~ How are you, son?" "How're you doing?" "Well, Carlitos, to start helping us out,..." "I want you to know that she got some homework today." "She wasn't able to get it done." "Will you explain what is consumerism?" "Sure, consumerism." "Consumerism..." "Consumerism is this guy." "You know why, kiddo?" "Because you aren't to know, and I don't tend to gossip,... but of course, that provided I, however,..." "But this guy is consumerism, and I'll tell you why,..." "I'll tell you why, Shorty, you are not to know, nor me to walk to gossip." "Being a gossip isn't the same as being a tattle-tale." "Because I'll tell you one thing, look:... there are moments in life that..." "Now, as they say,... this guy is consumerism, for example, he always wears the same good old trainers, same good old trousers,... the same good old shirt, and same good old shorts." "And I'll tell you why." "For two reasons." "The first one, now, as it's usually said, before the second, Shorty,..."