"Maestro!" "Grazie." "Maestro, welcome to Venice." "I'm Beppi Bertelli." "How tremendous to see you here." " Yes." " Mind your step, slippery." " Ah, that's okay." " How was your flight?" "Are you jet lagged?" "No jet lag." "Ah, the mark of a good conscience." "You know, Alessandra will be so exited to see you." "We are all so delighted." "Wait." "You see?" "I roll out the red carpet for you." "Okay." "Prego." "Let me step out." "Only you, maestro, you are the only conductor she would sing with." ""Please, Beppi, bring me Rodrigo." ""Only then will I do the concert."" "I understand, I understand." "I'm flattered." "Never flatter." "Not with a genius such as yourself." "No, I" " Now, may I present to you" " a couple of tiny items of advice?" " Yes, yes, yes." "Most of the gondoliers are thieves and rogues." "If you must take a ride on a gondola," "I beg you, negotiate the price first." "That's why I brought my bicicletta." " Bravo." " Eh?" "Second, if you are ordering a pasta dish with seafood or lovely shrimps or clams or cuttle fish, which I adore, do not," "I repeat, do not ask for parmigiano cheese to put on the pasta." "This is not done." " It will insult the chef." " I don't want to insult the chef." "Uh, this way, eh?" "Mm, this way." "And one last little thing." "Whatever you do, please... do not make love with her." "No fornicate." "No fornicate." "Grazie." " Okay." " What a great pleasure." "What a tremendous honor." "Mm-hm, yes." "This concert will be legendary." "Legendary." "And then we talk, uh?" " After..." " Maybe." "Fornicate." "No fornicate." "Buongiorno." "Buongiorno." "Maestro." "How delightful you're here." "Oh, yes, this is so delightful." "It is mythological for me." "This is such an honor, such a pleasure to meet you." "I recognize the recording." ""Les Filles de Cadix."" "Vous chanté a La Palais Garnier, 2002." "Right?" "Very good." "Yes." "I wanted to ask you, did you have a slight cold that evening?" "I had a terrible cold." "I finished the performance and collapsed." "Yes, because your voice had a beautiful... una bellissima tessitura." "You speak Italian?" "We speak in English." "More simple." " Have you eaten?" " No." "I was making us a little lunch." " Come." " Okay." " Come." " Si." "Would you mind tying this for me?" "Oh, yes, yes." "Grazie." "Ai." "Oh, I like your kitchen a lot." "A lot." "It's the place in the house where I feel most comfortable." "Mm." "Everywhere else, I'm a peasant in a palazzo." "You know, right now I'm in the mood for no home." "You know?" "Vagabond style." "But you should try owning a 600 year old house in Venice." "Everything is sinking." "The first floor is flooded half the time, the mold makes you sneeze, but this is my hometown, and I love it." "And that is important, no?" " Home." " Oh, yes." "Yes, it is very important." "Yes." "A little pasta nera with cuttle fish." "Hope you like it." "Mm, it smells so good." "Would you care for some parmigiano?" "Mm, no, niente, no." "Never with fish." "Thank you." "Grazie." " Maestro." " Mm?" "I'm sure you have a question for me." "After four years, can I still sing?" "Well, I'm sure you can still sing, of course." "If not, you would never attempt to do this concert." "Well, people do foolish things." "Perhaps I can still sing in my shower." "No?" "But everyone believes they are a great singer in the shower." "I was sorry to hear about your orchestra." " Mm." " I admire what you're trying to do to bring" "How you like to say?" "The blood to that sad old symphony." "It's very sad." "But it was getting less sadder because we were getting better, but we got strangled by the red tape." " You know?" " Yes." "The fucking red tape." "Money, money, always money." "I know." "Beppi wants me to come back, to go on tour, to do this concert, to be La Fiamma again, because of the money." "How is the pasta?" "It is so good." "Not overcooked?" "It is excellent." "Just right." "My dear maestro, I'm very sorry that you have come all this way for nothing." "For nothing?" "I'm afraid that it is impossible that this concert should proceed." " No, but" " I have enjoyed meeting you." "You are clearly very brilliant." "And you'll have many triumphs in your future." "Now I must do the dishes, and then take little nap." "And please tell Beppi finita la comedia." "Alessandra." "The pasta was overcooked." "By at least three minutes." "Four and a half." "Well, I'm not here to conduct your cooking." "And if my singing is overcooked." "I will never allow that." "Never." "You want to talk about the blood, well, my heart, it has been bleeding for a while." "And I think your voice is the only thing that can save it." "I fell in love with your voice the first time I heard it." "I was 13 years old." "Maestro Rivera brought it." "And it was you in "Tosca."" "I heard it over and over again." "I would imagine these things." "I would do things that" "I'm not gonna tell you what I did, but-- but the moment that I heard that you stopped singing," "I wept." "You can come up with many reasons why not to do something." "But the real reason why to do something important, there's only one reason." "And what is the reason?" "You know." "But, dear maestro," "I'm sorry but if you can't stand tears, you should stay away from the opera." "Goodbye." "Andrew is running late, he said we should do sound check without him." "What a shocker." "He's probably taking a few hours extra sleep at the Ritz." "No, he's gotta sleep off the Dom Perignon." "Ladies, ladies, ladies, all right." "Let's pick up the tempo on this one." "We want to get to my solo quicker." "Remember, it's the Andrew Walsh Ensemble, not the Andrew Walsh Ensemble ensemble." "Okay, let's read the score." "Uh, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, my solo." "Okay, and then bullshit, bullshit, ah, yeah, my solo." "Maybe we just call it the Hailey Rutlege Ensemble." "Sorry." "No." "No, Hailey, don't stop on my account." "I was enjoying it." "It's hilarious." " I was just, uh" " No, you were just trying to make me look like an asshole." "It's not that hard." "Anyway, the traffic was better than I thought, so I'm here." "Hailey, is it true I do that, uh, Stevie Wonder thing?" "With my head and" " No?" "Don't answer." "All right, we have a lot of work to do." "We leave Austria tomorrow, and then arrive in Venice for the festival." "And we need to be ready to play with shock and awe." "And awe stand for, ladies?" "Andrew Walsh Ensemble." "Exactly." "So, Hailey, is there a particular piece that you feel that I'm rushing the tempo on?" "Uh..." "Hey, I'm all ears." "Whaddaya got?" "Maybe the Vivaldi piece?" "See, that's a question." "Can you be definitive?" "You are fucking up the Vivaldi." "No, because I don't think that you are fucking up the Vivaldi piece," " I just" " I'm just yanking your woodwind, Hailey." "Easy." "Easy." " It's just" " Uh, yes?" "I just think that we're taking a similar approach tempo wise um, to the Fauré." "And that's not how Maestro DeSousa would do it?" "Probably not." "Uh, yeah." "Well, maybe I just have a greater sense of urgency than old Rodrigo does." "Uh, in fact, let's start with the Fauré, shall we?" "Follow me, ladies." "And gentleman?" "Debatable." "Que lindo." "Some people shouldn't be allowed to sing." "I couldn't agree more." "And some people should not be allowed to conduct." "I hope you're not referring to me, Wolfgang." "Well, I'm not referring to myself." "Is that the way you're gonna be?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why after so many years, you're still like a spoiled brat?" "Why?" "Why do you always have to smell your own farts?" " Deserter." " De" " I'm not a deserter." "Don't call me a deserter." "I'm" " I'm loyal." "I am soldado de la musica." "Soldado de la musica." "Muy soldado." "So sensitive." "Of course, I had a soft spot for singers, too." "And if I can tell you one thing, they're all crazy." "And you know, I" " I've never" "I've never been with a, you know, close to a-- to a singer." "I don't know why." "Maybe you never will." "You're off to a pretty bad start." " Mm." " Soon, no one, no one will want to play with you." "I think this young lady might have something for you." "La Fenice, midnight." "Maestro, my hero." "She's here." "She appears to be happy." "She's ready to rehearse." "We will have a great concert, an historic event." "Yes, Beppi, we will, we will." "But there's a lot of work to do." " Of course." " A lot." " Of course." " A lot of work to do." " Yes." " Is this the conservatory?" "Yes, the music school." "Everyone, this is my maestro, and I trust him in every single way." "Okay, well, here is the program we will be presenting." "Okay." "Yes." "I saw it this morning." "And, um" "It's like the greatest hits, no?" "These are many of the great arias which La Fiamma has been know for over her illustrious career." "Yes." "What?" "You do not approve of these choices?" "It's just that I think that we can present a new Alessandra that doesn't compete with the old Alessandra, you know?" "You think I can no longer sing these roles?" "No, yes, I'm sure you can." "But perhaps not as good as you once did." " Hey." " But there are many, many good roles, amazing roles, that before you couldn't be able to sing." "And now you can." "What happened to the man that was too gentle to tell my my pasta was overcooked?" "These new arias." "What are you thinking?" ""Samson and Delilah," for example." "It's a mezzo soprano role." "No!" "Or a new piece by a contemporary composer." "Contemporary composer?" "Perhaps if there was any composer alive as great as Puccini." "Oh, but how can they be great if none of the greatest performers perform their work?" "But what you don't understand, Maestro, is that the Italian opera audience is very, very big here." "My maestro has spoken." "How dare you question him." "I only want the best for you, my dear." "You want to destroy my confidence." "You care nothing about me." "For you it is just money, money, money." "Alessandra" "Bene." "Maestro, thank you so much for educating me." "I'm your humble servant." "Please commence to create the magic." "Hmph." "Good." "I thought it was, like, an older looking city." "Yes." "All right, give me innocence with your mouth." "Oh, my mouth." "Great." "Now give me slutty." " Yes." " Yeah, right?" "Work that angle." "Okay, I want to cross off every site on my Venice to do list, so we should probably go." "Well, Piazza San Marco is done." " Okay." " Where should we go next?" " Uh, Ponte Rialto." " Great." " Ponte Rialto." " How long is this list?" "It is very long-ay, long-ay." "There's no distinction, I feel, like, between the pieces." "He's just doing Sibelius the same as he's doing Mozart, the same as he's doing the Ravel, and I resent him for that." "And do you notice that every time you have sex with him, it's exactly the same?" "I only had sex with him once." "You've only had sex with him once?" " Yes!" " Oh, okay." "Well, I can tell you from experience, it is always exactly the same." " Well" " Every single stage." "Did he paint f-holes on your back?" " Yes, he did." " Oh, fuck!" "How do you know that?" "He did that for you?" " He had to shave my back first" " Humiliating." " 'Cause it's hairy, though." " Oh, my God." " Yeah." " Did he do it himself?" " Yeah, he did." "Like, lathered it up" " Okay, I like him, like," " four more points because of that." " Applied it on." " What a sicko." " And razored it off slowly." " The Rialto Bridge." " Done." " Done." " Kind of a bust." " Kind of." " On to the next." "Oh, check him out." "That mime is hot." "Hello." "My friend over there thinks that you are hot, so I think that you should come to our concert tonight." " So" " I think you're hot." "Oh, my God, you speak." "Wow." "I'm from Belgium, I'm here for the festival." "Oh." "Cool." "Would you maybe want to come for a coffee back to my hotel?" "Is it like a real..." "hotel, or...?" "It is a real hotel." "Okay." "As long as he didn't mime putting on a condom." "Stop." "Move." "Quicker." "Hey." "The shellfish platter on this one is like 10 Euro cheaper." "Oh, great." "Cheap shellfish." "Always the way to go." "Ooh." "Beginning to feel a bit nauseous." "I hope those clams were okay." "They were a little sticky." "You're probably just feeling nauseous from being such a tourist." "I like music festivals." "Because seldom you get to see good things." "But then you get to see terrible things on and on, you know, horrible things." "Really bad th-- Unbearable things." "Look at that." "The Andrew Walsh Ensemble is playing tonight." "What the fuck?" "I have a friend who plays in that show." "Perhaps we go?" "Okay." "I wish our performance was not at La Fenice." "When the audience is there-- the critics-- it feels like a cage to me." "Well, let's get out of the cage." "Let's do something about this" "Alessandra." "Hey, hey, is this guy bothering you?" "Maestro." "I will be seeing you." "And you will be hearing me." "You don't know shit about opera." "And you don't know shit about the universe." "You know, dark matter." "We don't know about it." "We do not know." "We still have a lot of things to discover." "Who's that guy?" "He's the head of a very awful claque." "They want money, or they'll boo you during the performance." "If they boo you during the performance," "I'll go down in the audience and I'll kick him in the balls, you know, and I'll make him a castrati." "I have so many new pieces to learn." "And my voice, I'm not prepared." " No." " I can't give them what they want." "Wait, no, no, no." "Of course you can give them what they" "Don't think about what they want." "Don't do it for them." "Do it for you." "Do it for the blood." "Or do it for me." "She should sing instead of me." "Okay." "Why don't you" "Why don't you join her?" " I can't." " No, you can." "You can." "I'm your maestro, right?" "Now, woman." "It's La Fiamma." "Oh, my God." "Ti amo." "Ti amo anche io." "Grazie." "Alessandra, yes." "Bien, bien." "Grazie." "Grazie." "Yes." "I wanted to share this place, because it is very dear to me." "Che bello." " Bello, no?" " Si." "It used to be a nunnery." "And I lived up there in that room for two years." "You were a nun?" "My ex wife is a nun." "It is no longer for nuns." "It was for people who could not stand to live anywhere else." "And I went there after my failure on stage." "You understand?" "Yes, I understand." "Singing for me was everything." "And then I found I could not sing." "When I lived there, I could not feed myself." "I needed help to bathe, to put on clothes, to go to the bathroom, even." "No one know this." "No one except Beppi." "He stuck with me." "Now you." "Tell me something about you that no one knows." "But I'm nothing." "I'm just some musical notes that people play with." "And actually, I've been thinking a lot about my mentor," "Maestro Rivera." "He's very old and he's very ill." "And he invited me to go back to Mexico to take over the orchestra." "The one where I started." "And I said no." "And I went back to New York to be with an orchestra that doesn't play." "Rodrigo, stay con me." "You must move into my palazzo, so we may practice night and day." "Live and breathe the music." "Oh, la mami." "Yes." "Sorry." "I'm" " I'm so sorry." " Nice of you to join us." " I got on the" " Sorry." "I got on the wrong vaporetto." "And then" "Well, you missed the sound check." "I know." "I really don't feel well right now, either." "Well, neither do I, because the fucking oboist, who I added to the program because I believed in her talent, turned out to be a complete flake." " Ah, shock and awe." " Shock and awe." "Now, go, go." " Hey." "Nice job, rookie." " Thanks." " Clams?" " Yeah." "Which one is your friend?" "She's the one that plays the oboe." "She's your lover." "Hailai?" "No, no, she-- she's my protegé." "Very innocent." "Do you like innocence?" "It appeals to your depravity." "It is not depravity." "She plays the oboe." "Hey." "I am so, so sorry." "I can play the second half of the concert, though, I think." "I think you can't play the second half." "I think you're done on this tour." "I will definitely miss the conducting lessons, though." "Look, I'm really sorry, I just didn't want to barf on stage." "So you ran off during my solo." "Oh, my God, your solo, your solo, your solo." "It's always about your solo." " Yes, and why do you think that is?" " Uh" "Because it's the Andrew Walsh Ensemble." "The Andrew Walsh Ensemble, that's what people pay for." "Yes." "And we want our money back." "Rodrigo?" "I came to see his protegé." "Oh, shit." "Oh, my God, it's-- it's" "Yes." "La Fiamma." "What an honor." "Did you catch any of the first half?" "Yes." "I saw you sawing on the cello like you were cutting down a tree." "Yes, I'm a very expressive player." " Always have been." " Okay, I'm sorry." "I think I'm gonna be sick again, I need to" "You're still fired." " No, she quits." " No, no, no, no." " Watch." "She quits." " I" " I really" " You quit, Hailai." "She quits." " I need this job." " I really need this job." " She quits." " She" " You quit!" " You want to mix it up, Maestro?" " You want to mix it up?" " Yeah, whenever." " Yeah?" " Yo-Yo Ma wanna be." " Yo-Yo Ma?" " Yeah." " Yo mama, Yo-Yo Ma." " You know what?" " What'd you say?" " I want to" "Sometimes I have trouble with your accent." "Shh." "Oh." "Ciao." "Ciao." "Now what the fuck am I gonna do?" "Hailey." "Come with us." "Yes, Hailai." "We'll take care of you." "In my palazzo, there are many rooms." "Okay." "Just don't throw up in the taxi, okay?" "'Kay." "But if you throw up, you tell me." "Okay?" "It's okay, it's okay."