"Subtitles:" "Nathbot ~ bufgelfly ~" "And you don't wanna do anything, but you still have to." "What you do is make manageable pictures." "For example... getting up." "Mom, we're out of milk!" "Yeah, well, we're out of everything." "I swear, she doesn't eat when we're not here." "She eats." "I came home late yesterday, her light was on, she didn't even yell." "She didn't even give me that perk look I've been getting since I was 6." "What did she do?" "Nothing." "You wait... for the next set of pictures." "And I hope that they come." "I'm not supposed to feel like this." "'Morning!" "We're out of milk." "I'll go to the market today." "Hey, what about pizza night, tonight?" "I could get those crusts we like and we could invent toppings..." " Sure." " It's great, super." "No, you..." "You work late tonight, right?" "Right, yeah..." "Four to eleven." "I'm sorry." "I'll get the stuff anyway for next week." "Yeah, that's great, because I really don't wanna... to miss it." "Hey, Dad." " Hey, sweetie." " I gotta go." "Karen, can I ask you a favor?" "Picture." "Stop." "Picture." "Listen." "Is it alright if Jessie comes to us on Thursday instead of Friday?" "Lily and I were thinking of going somewhere and..." " Jake's taking the girls." " Jessie and I  are going to Fields, the winter clothes are marked down." "Is that the only day it's happening?" "Mom, we could go on Thursday, and then..." "I could stay both nights and... we can have pizza night on Friday." "Sometimes you can't make the pictures." "So you count to get through." "One." "Two." "Great!" "Bye." "Thanks." "I'd come home from school and my sisters would be whispering." ""Mom's resting." That's the word we used." " So, your mother was depressed." " I don't think we knew that word." "She ever looked for help?" "Doctor, my mother made her own ketchup." "She was very self-reliant." "How did your dad deal with this?" "He didn't." "Not that I know of." "What about your husband?" "He made models." "He'd go to the basement and make perfect little architectural models." "So you've had a lot of support for your emotional life over the years." "How's it going with the meds?" "I can't tell." "Any side-effects so far?" "I've felt some fatigue, I never think about food," "I'm never hungry and..." "I get dizzy." "Fun, uh?" "We don't even know if that's the depression or the side-effects of the medication." "But if you can't stick with this, these things go away." "I wanna remember." "What it felt like when... when things mattered." "Exactly." "How would you feel about going up 50 milligrams?" "That's one more blue pill." "One pill makes you taller." "One pill makes you small." "Where's this supposed to lead?" "I mean, can I..." " Can I ask that?" " Sure." "Do I just wake up one morning and everything's... wonderful?" "There's this old Russian saying." "If you wake up one morning and feel no pain, then you know you're dead." "That's great." "Was this Russian?" "Today it is." "Karen..." "Hang in there." "Dad." "What are you doing home?" "Oh, I just... left some sketches here at the house." "Oh, that's cool." "You got the day off?" "No, not literally..." "What're you doing home?" "I got fired, Dad." "When?" "Three weeks ago." "And two days." "And when were you gonna tell me this?" "Now?" "Dad?" "Are you OK?" "I have to get these sketches." "Jessie, can I ask you something?" "Sure, it's a free country." "Will you have sex with me?" " You serious?" " Yeah." "But it has to be today, it's now or never." "I can't today, I have basketball practice." "Sorry." "Jessie, you're a fox!" "Are all boys such idiots or is it just like girls mature earlier?" "Boys never mature." "You should see my brothers." "Hey, I got you something." "Billie Holiday?" "I have this uncle who knows everything interesting and..." "He used to play me Billie when I was still a Brownie." " Who is she?" " She was this amazing singer." "Anything bad that can happen to someone happened to her." "I just like it when people sing like that." "Cool." "She always wore white gardenia in her hair." "This is so nice of you." "I was listening to her and I thought of you for some reason." "Well, I gotta go." "Yeah, me too." "Thank you for this." "Bye." "Dad must have called." " Three weeks." " Mom..." "You lied for three weeks." "No, I didn't lie." "I didn't tell you." "What do you think is going on, here?" "I'm not sure, but you're gonna tell me!" " I'm so tired of being..." " Why don't you say what you wanna say?" " That I'm a loser." " I can't believe anything you say!" " I get it!" " I can't take it any longer." "I literally don't have the strength to tell you..." "Then just wipe me off!" "If that's what you wanna do." "Get it over with!" "Just go, Eli." "You just... just go." "I want you out of here, I can't take this any longer." " You want me out of here?" " Out of this house." " This is great, I can't believe..." " Get out, Eli!" "That's fine." "Fine, I'll get my stuff!" " Out, now." " Nothing would make me happier." "Get out of my house!" "I've been screaming your name." " How are you?" " OK." "I've been calling you, like ten times since yesterday." "Yeah, things have been a little bit dramatic at our house." "Are you OK?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "If you're free Friday, I was having some friends over." "Just girls and cheeseless pizza and the Sex  the City where she makes Big's wife fall down the stairs." " That sounds great." " Does it?" "How are the meds?" "That was abrupt." "Life is short." "Are there any side-effects?" "I feel a little spacey," "I tend to get a little dizzy." "I couldn't sleep for the first month." "And a little less libido, which was actually kind of a blessing." "Well, that wouldn't be a side-effect for me." "To have one would be a side-effect." "I've gotta go get Jessie." "Call me." "About Friday." "About anything." "Hang in there." "OK, hon?" "So, Katie, can Jessie expect a lot more homework in 11th grade?" "You get used to it." "At first it was really hard, but now it's OK." " I swear." " What's so funny?" "Mom, it's private." "Hey, was that Adam Brazlo back there?" "He's so handsome." "I haven't since..." "My gosh, since he was a little nerd." "And he's still a little nerd." "Just a taller one." "And he's into explosives." "God, do his parents know?" "Mom, in movies." "He's not in crisis to American community, he's just stupid." "Yeah, and just like..." "What?" "Mom, it's nothing!" "Oh, that's my house, up ahead." " Bye, guys." " Bye, Katie." "Bye Mrs Sammler, bye Jess, thanks for driving me." "Mom, did you know that Billie Holiday wore a gardenia in her hair?" "Yes, I did." " So you know who she is?" " I do, yes." " Do you have any of her albums?" " Somewhere." "Unless your dad took them." "He did steal my yodeling collection." "I don't know what kind of music you like." "Honey, I love music." "Yeah, but you never listen to it, so I don't know." "Did you know that Eli got fired from his job?" "Sort of." "We had a fight." "I said some things..." "I don't think I've ever been that angry at him before." "What did you say?" "I... said something about kicking him out." " Kicking him out?" " This is between your brother and me." "You're kicking him out?" "It happened, just let it be." "You can't just kick my brother out, I don't believe you!" "I can't deal with this right now." "It probably will be OK, but please, just let it be." "Mom, can I ask you something?" "Yeah, sure." "Sweetie, I'm just doing some work." "I need to go to Starbucks to work on this report." "Katie's brother's gonna take us." "What report?" "The sewers' crisis." "Yeah, sure, you can go." "Be back by nine." "Do you want me to bring you something?" "No, sweetheart, no, I'm fine." "You enjoy yourself, you have fun." "Bye." "Eli can live with us full-time." "That's not the point." "The point is, do I just let her kick him out of the house?" " It's her house." " And her refrigerator's empty." " What do you mean?" " She's depressed." "She doesn't eat when she's depressed." "I'm not supposed to worry about her problems anymore, right?" "Yeah, right." "I don't know." "So what does it upset me?" "Jake's upset me sometimes." "More now than when we were married." "Nobody tells you that when you get divorced." "And I know she's down." "She's on medication." "Should I know this?" "Would I want her to know this about me?" "Just..." "Jessie needs her now." "And I worry how much Karen is able to be there for her." "I know she wants to be, I just don't know how much she can be." "So what do I do, you know?" ""Karen, you're depressed," "I'm your ex-husband, I'm here to tell you to shape up"?" "You give her time, Rick." "I've been here, towards the end with Jake, and she doesn't wanna be where she is, I know that." "So, what brought you back?" "Time, like I said." "And you." "Five cents, please." "So, we're gonna go get pizza later." "You wanna come?" "I can't, I have to go shopping with my mom." "It's like this big..." "What're you doing?" " Hey, come on!" " No, I can't dance!" "It's like this big tradition, me and my mom go shopping, then we have this big sunday, which was interesting last year, when nobody knew I was anorexic." "I don't even really wanna go, but my mom's been really depressed." "Really?" "Mine too." "Really?" "Yeah." "She just doesn't know it yet." "She thinks everyone stays in the same housecoat till 4 o'clock in the afternoon everyday for a year." "Does your mom cry?" "Yeah." "She doesn't think that I hear her, but I do." "So, are you gonna go with her?" "You should see the stuff that she wants me to buy." "You should go with her." "Clothes are interesting." "You ever noticed how no one our age dresses to show who they are?" "They dress to hide who they are." "And then, some guy figures this out and makes like a billion dollars in!" "I'm sorry, I'm talking too much." "No, that's OK, I like it." "You should go with her." "Hello." "So, you hate me too?" "What d'you mean?" "You would've said "hi" if you didn't... hate me." "Eli, I don't hate you at all." "You've just been a very very very bad boy." "I don't know what to say." "I've never had a son." "You're lucky you didn't have me." "I mean, except indirectly." "That's not indirect, Eli." " What did Dad say?" " I don't think I should tell you." "That bad, uh?" "You're very wise, this afternoon." "Here." "Make yourself useful." " You think she means it?" " Your mom?" "Well, I think she means it now, probably." "Yeah, you're probably right." "Were you upset?" "Yeah, I was, sort of." "It was mostly just weird, though." "It was not really the kicking out, it was more or less the screaming." "Ever screamed at your mom?" "No comment." "Hey, what about this one?" "It's adorable." "Mom, I don't wanna be adorable." "I hate that word." " It makes me sound like a pixie." " You're not a pixie." "You're a lovely young woman and it's a lovely blouse." "Don't you know clothes are armour?" "Kids today don't dress to show who they are, but to hide it." "What d'you wanna hide?" " I don't know, nothing." " But you said..." "Forget what I just said, you take me so literally." "I'm just not sure what it is you want from me." "I don't want that blouse, OK?" "Don't take it personally." "Oh, breathe." "Mom, are you OK?" "Yeah, I'm just..." "I'm going to look for the ladies' room, OK?" "and then we're gonna..." "we're gonna go." "Is she here?" "Thank you for coming for her, I've got a dinner with a client." "She told me." "I'm fully informed." "I was gonna come by tomorrow, while you're at work, to pick up all my stuff." "Do you happen to know where... where my boy-scout duffel bag is?" "And I wondered..." "you saw where the merit badges are?" "I'll look for it and I'll leave it out for you." "OK, let's go." "Go to hell." "What'd you say?" "You don't care, so..." "I'm not gonna repeat it." " Who has homework?" " I do." " Me." " Yes, so do I." "Jess..." "Come with me, sweetie." " Am I in trouble?" " No, no." "Look..." "I know your mom is going through a rough spot." "OK?" "You do?" "Yeah, well, I know her pretty well." "What should I do?" "What did you do when she got like this?" "You don't have to do anything, OK?" "It's not your job." "What is?" "You know..." "Do your homework, make your bed, occasionally..." "Live as deeply as you can, be happy..." " Dad?" " Yes, sweetheart?" " Never mind." " Tell me." "No." "Just forget that I said anything." "What if she hurts herself?" "What do you mean?" "Just forget i said it." "What do you mean?" "I'm really afraid... that Mom might try to kill herself." "I know what you're gonna say, that she wouldn't do that, and I shouldn't worry, but if something did happen?" "Would you help her?" "Jessie?" "Your instant messenger is going off, it's driving me crazy!" "Honey..." "You know what I'm gonna say because you know it's the truth." "You know you love her." "And nothing bad is gonna happen." "I won't let it." "If this is about Eli, I'm really not ready to talk about it yet." "Jessie's worried about you." "What?" "You're depressed, Karen." "You're depressed, she's seen it and she's scared." "I'm fine, Rick." "I'll be fine!" "She's afraid... that you may hurt yourself." "What?" "How could I do that?" "You know I wouldn't." "But she doesn't, and she thinks she has to take care of you." "We have to talk to her, sit down with her, you and I." "She has to know you're gonna take care of yourself." "That she can have her life." "I just keep wondering, this whole thing with Eli," "I'm completely out of control, this can't be right." "Cause you kicked him out?" "I'm not the kind of person who does that." "And I had a panic attack." "If these are the side-effects, do I stay on these pills?" "Karen, I gotta tell you, you seem actually more present and more animated than I've ever seen you." "I do?" "And your reactions are understandable." "This kid sounds like a pain in the ass!" "He does?" "These pills might make you dizzy but they don't make you stupid." "He smokes dope everyday, he gets his ass fired, and he lies about it for 3 weeks." "What are you supposed to do?" "Buy him a BMW?" "How you doing right now?" "Well..." " I'm OK, I guess." " Good." "I'm gonna give you some homework." "Right, I was always good at that." "I want you to make a list everyday." "Three things that you are either looking forward to, that you want, or that you love." " Starting when?" " Now." " Fax me the first list tonight." " OK, but I have to warn you." "According to my ex-husband, I'm a very negative woman." "If you can laugh once, you can laugh again." "It's just one stupid step after another." "There's no magic to it." " What if it doesn't work?" " It's already working." "In some weird way, it takes more courage to look for help than it does to get through it." "And here you are." "You know what I like about Billie Holiday?" "What?" "She's enigmatic." "Enigmatic?" "Mysterious." "She makes you guess." "I really like her." "I bet you could sing like her." " Oh, no, I don't know." " Try!" "Come on." "So, it's 2 am, the lights are low..." "And the band starts to play." "I look forward to..." "April." "Baseball." "A new Woody Allen movie, even if it's bad." "Soft-shell crabs..." "Hey, that's four." "Eli's kids." "Jessie's kids!" "Someone to hold me." "I didn't see her!" "Lady, do you have a cell phone?" "It's been so long since I've slept." "So long since I've sat and felt the sun on my face." "Judy, you didn't say that!" "What did he say?" "Hang on, I'm gonna get rid of this." "Hello?" "Rick, hey honey, listen, can I..." "Oh, dear God." "Oh, my God." "Tell me she's OK." "No, no, she's here." "Jess, it's your dad!" "What hospital?" "Here, sweetie." "Hello?" "Mommy?" "I want my mommy." "Sweetie, it's OK, we're going right now." "No." "Eli!" "Can I rest, now?" "Would that be OK?" "Pupils are round and reactive, that's good." "Rent the house." "In case it rains." "My cat has a color like that!" " Yeah, right, you call him!" " I don't think so!" "It's not funny." "Does anybody want any food?" " No, thank you, sweetie." " No, thanks." "I know." "It's OK." "I know." "It's gonna take time." "I have to say that first." "Her pelvis is shattered, her femur and left knee." "Oh, God." "She also has a ruptured spleen." "So she's gonna stay here with us for a while." "Now, walking will be hard." "It's gonna take some time." "But at least you've got her." "Can we go see her?" "Sure." "Hi, Mom." "My God..." "They're so beautiful." "I'll call her sisters, and I think the kids could..." "I'll call Jake, he'll keep the girls for the night." "I'll tell them." "Don't lose her place." "It was nice of Jake to keep the girls." " You want some more casserole?" " No." "It's good, though." "It's the second day." "The second day, it's always better." "This is gonna change things." "She won't be able to take care of Jessie." "Or herself." "I'm gonna get them to come in and eat." "Rick, let me." "Hey, where's Eli?" "He went to rehearse with Coop." "He didn't want to but I made him." "And I'm not hungry." "Fine, you don't have to be." "So, how's my dad?" "He's OK." "He doesn't know how to show things." "Sometimes you don't know what he's feeling, he's... enigmatic." "I know, I like that." " You do?" " Yeah." "'Cause sometimes, there's a moment when that enigmatic person let you know just a little bit more..." "Jessie, I want you to know that..." "You're not like a daughter to me, you are one." "I have three." "Three's magic, it's lucky." "So am I." "Let me get you some vegetable casserole." "Does it have eggplant in it?" "'Cause I hate eggplant." "There was gonna be, but I took it out cube by cube." " You did?" " Yes." "Come see." "I swear, it was here the other day, I remember." "Well, what about this?" "Not, it was sheered, with little flowers on it." "I was so mean to her about it." "Excuse me, I'm trying to find this blouse, I was here the other day." "It's a sale, things are going fast." "You're such a pretty girl." "We have lots of pretty..." "No, it has to be this particular blouse." "Hey, Jess, look!" "Is this it?" "I first saw Karen when she was coming out of the library." "She was with some guy who turned out to be her boyfriend." "And she stepped into this sunlight and she just... shone." "Like a coin from some place where everything is beautiful." "How long have I been sleeping?" "A while." "Where are the kids?" "They're at home." "It's just me." "There's probably some... jello or... rice pudding somewhere." "Jessie..." "Before this happened, Jessie wanted to know... if anything... did happen, would I be there for you." "Silly girl." "Doesn't she know you?" "Karen." "I need to know something." "If I did it on purpose?" "The weird thing is..." "I was feeling better." "Rick..." "I want to live." "I just don't know how." "Can I be frank with you?" "Feel free to say no." " Whatever." " That blouse is so not you." "Yeah, I know." "You do?" "And you're not mad at me?" "Why would I be?" "I could never say things like that to Grace." "And between us, I hate all her tops." "I love to run." "In the morning, before anyone is up." "I love the smell, the wet grass, the cold air." "How long have you been there?" "A little while." "Dad brought me." "It's nice." "I'll be able to drive soon." "Not too soon." "But... soon." "Jess?" "Promise me something." "What?" "When you get your license, don't tell me about it, OK?" "OK, I promise." "So, how are you?" "I'm OK." "I was lucky." "Is that the truth, Mom?" "I haven't been telling you the truth, recently." "And that was wrong of me." "I am so sorry." "You don't have to apologize." "No." "This is the truth now." "I need you to know it." "And know it from now on..." "I'm OK." "And I wanna get better." "I want to." "Can I do my homework here?" "I'm not very good company." "It's French." "You can help me." "What d'you think?" "Sorry I was so mean to you at the store." "Oh, no." "Honey..." "To inaugurate our honesty..." "It's just not you." "I'm gonna tell Dad I'm gonna stay here for a while." "I love you." "I love you too, Mommy." "I love you too." "OK, three things I love." "Number one:" "Jessie's face." "Do you need anything?" "Just if you have time..." "if you could get that pad over there?" "I'd like to make a list for me." "And I want you to go to the music store." "I'd like you to get" "Ella Fitzgerald Singing Harold Arlen." "Carol King," "Tapestry." "Number two:" "Jessie's face." "And the Barbra Streisand Christmas album." "The old one, not the new one." " It's not Christmas." " I don't care." "It's some of the music I like." "You said you wanted to know." "I'll be right back." "Stay awake, OK?" "Number three..." "Eli."