"Michelle, we don't wanna drown the plants." "We just wanna spray them." "So two squirts per plant, okay?" "Here we go." "One." " Two." " Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Oops, I missed the plant." ""Oops, I missed the plant."" "You specifically aimed at my coif, young lady." "There's only one way to handle this, squirt bottles at three paces." "Follow me." "We'll do it like they did in the Old West, all right?" "Now, we go back to back and we take three paces and we turn around and we fire, got it?" "All right, here we go." "One." "Two." " Three!" " Hey, hey, hey." "That's not how they did it in the Old West." " I never heard of the Old West." " Oh." "[JESSE LAUGHS]" "Hey, listen to this, Becky:" ""What a surprise." "Thank you, Bay Area Broadcasters." "I never dreamed I'd be honored with this, uh, prestigious award for Best Talk Show Host."" "No, that sounds too rehearsed." "How about, uh, "What an incredible surprise!" "I only wish I would've prepared a speech."" "Danny, give it up." "We're never gonna win." "Every year Wake Up, San Francisco gets beaten by Up and At 'Em, Oakland." "I don't know what people see in that show." "Cheerleaders wrestling in a syrup pit." "Howdy-ho, fellow nominees." "BECKY  DANNY:" "Howdy-ho, Ranger Joe." " Ready for the awards show tonight?" " I am so nervous." "I've never been nominated for anything in my life." "Neither has Mr. Woodchuck." "[AS WOODCHUCK] I hope we win." "Knock on wood." "[MIMICS KNOCKING ON WOOD]" " Hi." "BECKY:" "Hi, Deej." " Deej, where were you?" " Oh, I was just hanging out." "You're 45 minutes late." "You should've called." "Why don't you just strap a beeper collar on her and track her like a wildebeest?" "Why don't you just go live with a wildebeest?" "Look, Dad, I'm sorry but the hottest band in school's coming over to use Uncle Jesse's studio so please don't do anything to embarrass me." "Deej, when did I ever do anything to embarrass you?" "Today." "KIMMY:" "Come on in, guys." " Everybody, this is Pete." " How's it going?" "Tim, Tony and Sludge." "The Funky Tongues." "The Funky Tongues?" "Heh." "Boy, I could've used you guys when I was licking stamps for my Christmas cards." "Ha-ha-ha." "Well, that took care of today." " The studio's downstairs." " Thanks." "D.J., you're looking real good today." "Thanks." "What, uh--?" "What did that guy mean by:" ""D.J., you know, you're looking real good today"?" "I think he meant she was looking real good today." "Why didn't he say anything to me?" "I'm looking real good today." "[IN NORMAL VOICE] Danny, you're looking real good today." "[PLAYING HEAVY-METAL MUSIC]" "[SINGING] You're gonna burn" "You're gonna burn" "That was, uh, loud and painful." "Thank you." "All right, here we go." "You guys got yourself your very own demo." "PETE:" "Yes." "Thank you." " All right." "Okay, don't get too excited now." "A demo doesn't mean you'll get a record deal." "Ah, that's cool." "We're just in it for the women." "Hey, man, this guitar is a ticket to Babeland." "Oh, you know, I, uh got a few chicks in the old days myself." "Ah." "Oh, yeah?" "Did you have a band in high school?" " Fourth grade." "PETE:" "Oh." "Come on, guys." "D.J.:" "Hi." "JESSE:" "Hi, girls." " Hi." " So, Pete, I've been thinking." "You know what your band needs?" "A couple of fly girls." "[KIMMY BEAT-BOXING]" "Come on, Deej, be a fly girl." "Kimmy, you're flying solo on this one." "Uh, thanks for hooking us up with your uncle." "Listen, you wanna get together tonight?" " Tonight?" "PETE:" "Yeah." "It's kind of short notice." "I'm free." "On second thought, you noticed me, I noticed you." "That's enough notice." "So, Sludge, what are you doing tonight?" "Oh, here, let me help you with that." "He wants me bad." "Okay, boys, now your mommy and daddy are going out, okay?" "But it's just for a few hours." "So you guys gotta stay together, okay?" "Don't fall apart, be very, very strong-- I'm gonna miss you guys so much." " Jess, honey, bad news." " Hmm?" "I just talked to Aunt Ida." "She can't babysit tonight." "What?" "We have to go out tonight." "I'm having my best hair day of the year." "Deej, can you watch the twins?" "Sorry, I have a date tonight." "I can do it." "I won't have a date for five years." "Steph, that's very sweet, but you know, you're still a little too young." "I'll do it." "Michelle, you're younger than me." "I'm just trying to help." "Give me a break." "How are we gonna find a babysitter at the last minute on a Friday night?" "[BECKY SIGHS]" "Hola, Tanneritos." " [MOUTHS] No." " [MOUTHS] Come on." " Why?" "You?" " No." "No way." "There you go, Kimmy can babysit." "Why don't you just throw your kids to a pack of wolves?" "Hey, I've babysat for every kid on this block." "The screaming Taylor baby, the Watson brats and your very own squirt and squirt junior." " Don't call me squirt." " Don't call me squirt junior." "Jess, let me talk to you for a second." "Look, I think we should let Kimmy babysit." "Stephanie's backing her up, and we can call every 15 minutes." "Every 10 minutes." "All right, we have no choice." "Kimmy, you're in." "All right, my rates are $5 an hour, but since you're in a bind, it's $7.50." "Oh, one more thing." "I don't do dogs." "I can doggysit." "Comet will do anything for a Doggy Doodle." "Here, Michelle." "Sit up." "See?" "Good boy, Comet." "Hey, that's pretty good." "Will these Doggy Doodles work on the twins?" ""And, everybody, I'd like to thank my orthodontist, Dr. Freidman without whom I wouldn't have the perfect smile that I have today."" "[DOORBELL RINGS]" "I'll get it." " Oh, by the way, I have a date tonight." " You didn't tell me you had a date." "D.J.:" "Hi." " Hey." "What's up?" "With, uh, Sludge, isn't it?" "It's Pete." "Sorry, it's kind of last minute." " Ready, Deej?" " Yeah, I'm ready." "You know what?" "I'm not." "Uh, heh." "Come here, why don't we, uh, have a little father-to-new-date chat?" " All right." " Dad, we're just going to a movie." "Ah, well that means that, Pete, you'll be driving, huh?" "Do you have, uh, auto insurance?" "Collision?" "Comprehensive?" "Uninsured motorist?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm covered." "Ah." "Any unpaid parking tickets?" "Uh, overdue library books?" " Have you had your flu shot, Pete?" " I'm clean." "Ask my parole officer." "Parole officer?" "It's a joke." "Heh." "Chill out." "Dad, could you lay off the third degree, please?" " Pete's a nice guy." " Okay, you guys, you have a good time." " All right." " Be back in 20 minutes." "Wait, 20 minutes?" "Hey, it's a joke." "Chill out." "Drive careful." "D.J.:" "Bye." " Whew." "Well, how do we look?" "You rented a tuxedo for your dummy?" "JOEY [AS WOODCHUCK]:" "Yeah, and he looks pretty snappy, doesn't he?" "[IN NORMAL VOICE] Yeah, except for the shoes." "They gave me two lefties." "Uh-oh, I'm pulling right." "I'm pulling right." "All right, let's go, guys." "This new mousse is only guaranteed 45 minutes." "Heh." "Jess, about that kid Pete that you worked with today?" " What do you think of him?" " He's a good kid." "Ah, that's a relief." "D.J. just went out with him." "What?" "You let her go out with that animal?" " You just said he was a pretty good kid." " He's in a band." "All he thinks about is girls." "He's exactly how I was at 17." "Oh, my God." "Gibbler, get in here right now!" "Tell me everything you know about this Pete guy." "He's a legend." "Girls throw themselves at him." "They say he's never heard the word "no."" "And D.J.'s out with him?" "I would love to be D.J. right now on her way to the drive-in in that hot black-and-red van." " Drive-in?" " Van?" "My baby." " You guys ready to go?" " We can't go." "D.J.'s at the drive-in." "In a hot black-and-red van." "With the lead singer of The Funky Tongues." "We gotta go get her." "Here, Beck." "We'll meet you at the dinner." " You take Mr. Woodchuck." " Come on." "[JOEY GRUNTING]" "What are you doing?" "You try walking with two left shoes." "Ugh." "Well, at least I have a date." "[AS WOODCHUCK] Hmm." "[IN NORMAL VOICE] You behave yourself." "[CHUCKLES AS WOODCHUCK]" "MICHELLE:" "Good boy, Comet." "Comet did his business." "Then he gets a treat." "I wish I got a treat every time I did my business." "Let's go play, Comet." "Okay, let's see what's on the menu." "As if you had a choice." "Strained squash." "[SNIFFS]" "Ew." "I just remembered I once had a traumatic experience with squash." "I had to eat it." "Here, you feed them." "It's your job." "You feed them." "Come on, Steph, be a bud and nourish the little drool puppies." "All right, Kimmy, I'll feed them but it will cost you." " How about a dime?" " How about a dollar?" "Deal." "Per kid." "Burps are extra." "[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON SCREEN]" "You guys, these shoes are killing me." "[HORN HONKS]" "JESSE:" "All right, all right, we're moving, we're moving." "I can't believe someone actually went to the drive-in to watch the movie." "D.J., where are you?" "[HORNS HONKING]" "Okay, all right, all right, all right already." "Hey, guys, let's check the red van." "Can't see inside." "The windows are all steamed up." "They better be making soup in there." "JESSE:" "All right, you two, the party's over." "Come on out." "Sorry, wrong van." "Do your parents know what you're up to?" "There's the Phantom of the Prom." "Ew, he just put that piranha in the punch bowl." "[PETE SIGHS]" "D.J., this movie's lame." "Why don't we hop in the back and get a little more comfortable?" "I'm pretty comfortable right here." "Oh, that's right, I forgot." "You're a freshman." "This must be like your first time at a drive-in, right?" "No, heh, I come here all the time." "I was just here Sunday for the swap meet." "Come on, let's get in the back and listen to a little music for a while." " Okay?" " Okay." "Boy, it sure is private back here." "Yeah, now all we need is a little romantic music." "[ON STEREO] You're gonna burn" "You're gonna burn" "Boy, that makes you want to just get up and dance." "Whoa." "D.J., just relax." "You're gonna burn" "You're gonna burn" "You're gonna burn" "You're gonna burn" "I hear Pete's song." "There's D.J.'s coat." "You're gonna burn" "Pete, let's just watch the movie." "How come?" "I just don't feel right about this." "[PETE SIGHS]" "All right." "That's cool." " I'll go get us some popcorn, all right?" " Okay." "Be right back." "[MUSIC STOPS]" "[ALL SCREAM]" "What are you guys doing here?" "We were worried about you." " Where's Pete?" " He's getting popcorn." "Would you guys please leave?" "I'm on a date, okay?" "How come you didn't tell us you were going to the drive-in?" "In Tony the Tiger's van." "Can we please talk about this later?" "I don't want Pete to see you here." "Do you know how embarrassing this is?" "Put yourself in my shoes." "I'd love to." "You got a left and a right?" "Pete's coming back." "Please leave." "I promise I'll tell him to take me home." "Just don't let him see you here." "Hi, Pete." "You're back." "Yeah, let's go ahead and get in front, all right?" "Uh, wait." "Just a minute." "We should straighten up first." "I come from a very neat family, heh." "[DANNY SNEEZES]" "MEN:" "Hello." "Hello." "I, uh, guess you wonder what we're doing here in your van in our tuxedos, yet." "Tell him, Joey." "Well, heh, it's uh" " Well, Pete, it" "Heck, it's a very funny story." "And, uh, no one, uh, really tells it funnier than Jess." "Jess, tell him." "Heh." "Heh." "Yeah, it is a funny story." "You know, it's not even a story, it's a" "That demo tape we were making, uh, I was wondering." "You want the whole song on that tape?" "You wanted the whole song, right?" "Yeah." "Okay, good." "Because I put the beginning, middle" " It's all on the" " We can leave now." " Yeah, we're done." "Uh...." "D.J., why don't we just go ahead and call it a night?" "Actually, you can go ahead and go home with your Dad." "Okay." "Keep up the good work." "Okay, let's get you two to bed so I can hit the phone." "[KIMMY SNIFFS]" "Ew." "Steph, would you mind disposing of the toxic waste?" " Once again, it will cost you." " All right, all right." "But do something quick, before the smoke alarm goes off." "Come here, little guy." "Ooh, boy." "[SNIFFS]" "Ew, you too?" "You're getting a kick out of this, aren't you?" "Good boy." "You look very pretty." "Okay, you can have another treat." "Sit." "You sure like these Doggie Doodles." "They look like a cookie." "And they smell like a pork chop." "I wonder what they taste like." "Ew!" "Uck." "Yuck." "I should have known." "You drink from the toilet." " Is it over?" " Yeah, you can breathe now." "[SIGHS]" "Hi, girls." "How are my adorable babies?" "Yeah, adorable if you don't have a sense of smell." "I'm surprised your wallpaper isn't peeling." "Could you please pay me so I can go home?" "Okay, Kimmy, I owe you $10." "Let me get my purse." "And, Kimmy, you owe me...." "Let's see...." "Two feeds, two burps, two number twos and a number one." "That comes to $10." "What a rip off." "Can we make Kimmy our regular babysitter?" "Deej, we need to talk." "You can't keep giving us the silent treatment." "Okay, fine, let's talk." "I'm totally humiliated." "When this gets around school, I'll never be asked out again." "But that's what you wanted, isn't it?" "I think we were doing better with the silent treatment." "Guys, wait." "[SIGHS]" "All right, let's go." "DANNY:" "D.J." " You know we have to talk about this." " Fine." "You said I was old enough to date." "You said you trust me." "You said you had confidence in my judgment." "But you really didn't mean it, did you?" "The first time I go out with a guy that you don't like you come charging in like the date police." "You completely overreacted." "All three of you owe me an apology." "I think she's right, guys." "We did get a little crazy, didn't we?" "I'm going to my room." "I'm sorry, Deej." " Yeah, so am I." " Me too." "It's all right." "Let's just forget about it." " Everybody makes mistakes." "JESSE:" "Yeah." "I hope next time you'll think things through a little better." "Yeah." " Sorry." " I don't know what I was thinking." " I wasn't thinking either really." " That was real wrong." "I'm sorry." " You know, Deej, one more thing." "JOEY:" "Hey...." "I knew that was too easy." "Sweetheart...." "Why did you lie to us about where you were going tonight?" "I didn't lie." "I said I was going to a movie." "Yeah, but you conveniently forgot to tell us it was a drive-in movie." "With a guy who's never heard the word "no."" " Did I forget to mention that?" " Yeah." "Look, D.J., you're 15 years old and you still live by the rules of this house." "And if you're gonna go on a date you have to tell us exactly where you're going." "I just didn't want you guys to freak out." "What makes you think we would've freaked out?" "I mean, just because we ran around the drive-in in our tuxedos, what?" "Well, I guess it's my turn to say I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Deej, you going out with guys is a whole new experience for us, you know." "We just have to trust each other." "We just want what's best for you." "Thanks, guys." "Do me a favor, no more commando raids on my dates." "All right, and no more drive-ins for a while, okay?" "Deal." "Deej, are you okay?" "Yeah, everything's fine." "Becky." "Oh, man, we won." "Finally, somebody has recognized our talent." "Vindicated after four long years." "Well, actually, they recognized Joey's talents." "He won for Best Children's Programming." "Oh, I don't believe it." "This is great." "Oh, vindicated after four long months, heh." " Well, congratulations, Joey." " Thanks." " Can I just hold it for a second?" " Sure." "Thanks." "He's an immature baby." "[English" " US" " SDH]"