"God's a fairy tale." "God's real, dude." "And for 40 bucks, you can meet Him." "Ecstasy costs 20." "Not "Touch God X," man." "It's got acid in it." "Nah." "Just the eighth of Bud and the bag of whiz." "You're missing out, Stuckman." "Hold on." "Hey, Mom." "Zeke, why are you answering?" "I was gonna leave a message." "I'm in study hall, Mom." "I hear a lawnmower." " I'm sitting near a window!" " Zeke, where are you?" "Don't lie." " Mom, what do you want?" " I want you to go to the supermarket on your way home and get me two boxes of matzo." "No way!" "Not on Passover." "One box for my mom!" "Mom, I don't have any money." " Come home first." " Mom." "Zeke, don't play with me." "I've got too much going on here." "Wha... hey..." "Mom... out..." "I... hear you..." "'all me back... 'ater." "I hate Passover." "Why, man?" "Seders are cool." "You know what?" "Give me one of those tabs." "I'm gonna need it." "Zeke Stuckman." "Dropping "X" at Seder." "Dude, my mom is just the tip of the iceberg." " Listen, Peg..." " No matzo, no Seder, Ira." "Have Zeke get it." "I can't reach him." "I think I caught him skipping class again." "What a waste." " Is that antacid?" " No, it's just reflux, Peg." " What if it isn't, Ira?" " It is." "Now that... that's a chubby Santa." " Thank you, Mr. Stuckman." " Bye, Peg." "No, wait!" "Ira, what about the matzo?" " Can you get it?" " Uh, Mr. Stuckman?" "Have his lordship get it." "It's not like he's so busy." "Ira, you will not pick on Ethan tonight." "No, Peg, no." "I promise." "You'll all be amazed how I treat him." "Also, I'll get you your matzo, okay?" "Bye-bye." "Don't ask Nicole." "She doesn't know from matzo." " Mr. Stuckman..." " What's there to know?" "It has to be kosher." " All matzo's kosher." " Kosher for Passover." "Oh, geez." "What the hell..." "Mr. Stuckman, I'm sorry." "The alarm's not inside yet." "I have to reconfigure for the Chubby Santa." " I need a prototype today, not slop." " But it's only April!" " Don't tell me it's only April!" " Ira?" "I've been in the Christmas business for 30 years." "Design delay equals production delay." "That's $10,000 a day." "You got that?" " Ira, please!" " What!" "The pot's boiling, men working." "And I have to make calls for the Autism Society, and I want kosher matzo." "The matzo will be there!" "Get it yourself." "Nicole is... working." "Now..." "I'm gonna unbutton your shirt." "I should... do sense a focus." "Yes, you should." "All right." "You're touching my collar." "Yes." "I feel... heat... in my lap." "Very good." "Yeah." "Unbuttoning my top button." "Yes, I am." " You are unbuttoning my second button." " Yes." " Sorry." " No, that's excellent." " Really?" " Next week, we're gonna make it to the fourth button." " Nikki, you're a goddess." " Well..." "Okay." "I want you to clean up." "I'm gonna go freshen up, and when I get back, we're gonna review today's session." "Yes!" "Nikki's place." "She'll make a man out of you, I guarantee it." "Is she there?" "This is her father." "There's no Nikki here." "Son, I know what my daughter does for a living." "Okay, it's okay." "No, no." "It's okay." "Just relax, you're perfect." "It's great." " Hello." " Hey, princess." "You should have that guy put a testimonial on your website." "Yeah, I will, as soon as he gets over the shock of an approving father." "Are you okay?" "How's the reflux?" "Zeke's driving me nuts." "Your mother thinks he skipped class." "Dad, she's just paranoid." "Is that really what's bothering you?" "A new Christmas ornament just blew up." "Dad, you're nervous about Ethan." "Why should I be nervous about Ethan?" "I'm the one offering that bum a lifeline." "Okay." "Dad, you're gonna have to show him the new you, or he's never gonna take that job." "He needs a new him more than I need a new me." "Honey, can you make a stop on your way over?" " Dad, if I do, I'll be late." " Right." "That'll get her started." "All right." "Not to worry." "Big kiss." "Love you." "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la" "'Tis the season to be jolly" " Muscle Beach." " Hey, Pop." "You winning?" "Winning is for cheaters." "Hey!" "Pop, I need a favor." "Can you get some matzo for Peggy?" "Ira, it's already Passover." "They'll double the price." "Yeah." "I'll pay you back, Pop." "You should have planned ahead, Ira." "I know." "I didn't." "You gotta have a plan." "What happens when they poison the water and you don't have a gas mask?" "What are you talking about?" "That doesn't make any sense." "Sense?" "Did it make sense when the Nazis said," ""You look dirty, you should take a shower." "Use a lot of soap." "Don't forget your towel"?" "Never mind, Pop." "I'll call Jen." "Men who love women who'd rather check their e-mail, when we return." " Stuckman." " Jen, this is your father." " Dad, we'll be on time, okay?" " I need you to pick up some matzo." "Oh, really?" "First Seder in three years, and your wife forgot the matzo?" "Please." "Come on, I'm trying to make this work." "Why don't you get one of your real kids to get it." " That's not fair." " Every store's gonna be sold out already." "I'm sure you can find one box." "Commercial's ending, Dad, I got to work." "Jen!" "We're counting on you." "How long have you loved Amy?" "Because as I understand it, this was a passionate marriage before e-mail entered the picture." "Room 6." "Do you love me so much?" "What's wrong?" "I just want you to know that I completely missed lunch today, but I finally found these last two boxes." "This old lady, she comes up to me, and she says," ""Excuse me, I need those for Passover," and so I said, "So do I, sugar."" "And she goes, "This is the bread of affliction, my dear." "We do not eat it with sugar."" " Oh my God." " What's wrong?" "How long have we been together?" "That's your best Jewish?" "Ira, no." "I love how I look in this picture." "Put your father's picture somewhere else." "On Passover, my father's picture goes here." "Well, it's not your house, Ira, it's our house, and it's certainly not your father's." "Since when are you paying the mortgage, huh?" "I pay." "I pay." "Behold!" "The new me remains calm." "Absolutely not." "If it has to go someplace..." "Peg!" "That's your daughter." "Well, that's your son!" "Yeah, yeah, you always say that." "Once we get in there, there's no turning back." "This is our last chance." "All right, all right..." "Zeke." "Well, it is temporary." "Jennifer." "Hi, Dad, Peggy, how is every little thing?" " Hey, Jen." " Hey, Dad." "So this is Grace." "Hi." "We brought the matzo." "Yeah, we dropped it, but you don't need all the pieces intact, do you, Peggy?" "Why, it's preferable, dear." "We didn't expect you so early." " Come in." " Well, actually, we're right on time." " Sorry, sorry, sorry!" " Pop." "Hi!" "It's one of the half-brothers, and this is Grandpa!" "Not kosher for Passover." "Since when do we give a crap?" "Excuse us." "Come on, come on." "Let go of the boy." " Let go of me!" " You first!" "I heard you skipped class." "That's a lie." "You move the picture of your brothers and sister for a pizza?" "It's not just for pizza." "It's a better spot, Pop." "Come on, go inside." "Go ahead." "I love that picture." "You, hey, hey, move it, come on, move it." "Table's not even set yet." "When do we eat?" "We're doing everything differently this year." "Come see." "That's too bad, because you know last time we all got together, it was such a treat." "My reflux is starting up again, Zeke." "Don't test me." "Were you hanging out with your druggie friends?" " No." "Are you sure it's your reflux?" "It's reflux!" "Why are you changing the subject?" "Because I don't want you to die." "Dad, I didn't skip class today." "Now, you want a sample or not?" "I got stage fright." "Lionel!" "I got a lot this time." "There, and the top one's the best..." "seven 7 s." "Seven here, seven, seven here." "This is authentic Passover lamb, on the spit, just like Moses had." "It smells delicious." "Smells like impaled baby sheep." "You don't have to hope." "I know it'll turn blue." "Justin, Ju..." "Justin, who's the senior publicist here?" "Whoa." "You look hot." "I don't care that it's synthetic." "It looks like animal product." "Hello!" "It's a leopard print." "Justin, she's not going to wear a black suit." "She got Botox for this, and she's going to wear something that shows her tits." "I don't care if it's a kiddie chair because we're the only ones..." " Hey, Princess." "How are you?" " Hi!" "It turned blue, you're clear!" "I told you!" "You're the master of all galaxies!" "Grandpa, this is level 1." " Hi." " Nikki!" "Lionel, receipt." "How are you?" "Hey, give me a hug." "I want to feel your new boobs in the back of my neck." "Can it, Zeke." "He shouldn't direct that energy at me, but it's perfectly normal." "Zeke, do you masturbate regularly?" "What?" "Nikki!" "It's very important boys his age masturbate regularly and not feel guilty about it." "Oh, Jesus." "Jen, hi!" "Happy Passover!" "How are you?" "Wait, this must be Grace." "Hi." "And I brought the matzo." "You must be Nikki." "Enchanted." "God, it is so great to finally see Jen in a relationship." "Look at you two." "Listen, if you guys ever have bed death issues," "I can get the Better Sex series, lesbian edition." "I mean, it's half price." "Very hot girl-on-girl action." "Well, see, thanks, but we prefer woman-on-woman action, Nikki." "Me, too, sis." "Get me one of those tapes." "Well, this zit you met at the door is Zeke, and this is Lionel." "Lionel's an idiot savant." " Really?" " He's not..." "We're not exactly sure what his special talent is, but I think it has something to do with the number 7." " No!" " What?" "We'll be eating dinner soon." "When?" "His lordship is late." "Nikki and I are starving." "This hasn't been koshered." "Since when are we kosher?" "Yeah, since when?" "Since I said so." "Don't worry, Princess, I run the world's fastest Seder." "World's fastest Seder, I should live so long." "Who the hell is that?" "Ethan!" "It's Ethan." "Are you out of your fucking mind?" "Your mezuzah was no good." "I got you a kosher scroll." "Happy Passover, Papa." "Sweetheart!" "Nikki." "Ethan." "Now you're going for the whole get-up?" "The Rebbe says, "Look righteous, feel righteous."" " Jennifer." " Hey, Ethan." "So this is Grace." "A.k.a. the matzo-bearer." "I'm sorry, I can't touch a woman unless she's related." "What is that, like a rule or something." "That's so rude." "Yeah, not to mention arbitrary." "Leave him alone." "He's a good Jew." "And what, I'm a bad Jew?" " Ethan!" " Grandpa." "Oh, that's a beautiful hat." "But why you got to look so Jewish?" "When the Nazis come they're going to take the black-hats first." "You got a hell of a nerve pounding nails into my house." "Dad, the mezuzah will protect your body and soul, 24/7, free of charge." "Mom, did you get the paper plates?" "Paper plates?" "In my house?" "Let me show you where they..." "Hold it, hold it." "You think cause some moonie Rebbe tells you to put on a Hasid suit, you can take a hammer to my house, then tell me to relax?" "Hey, Ethan, you haven't learned a goddamn thing since our last Seder." "There is no product, Ethan." "You're going to be in the toilet in six months!" "That is old economy thinking, Dad." "I made more money last month, than you made in your entire life!" "I don't need your dinosaur advice!" "Excuse me, you son of a bitch!" " Now you're going to call Mom a bitch?" " Get out of my house!" "You get out of my house!" "Dad!" "Just hope you've learned not to smash the Seder plate, Dad." "It's the holiest object in the Jewish home." "Don't start with me, Ethan." "You got religious because you lost all your money." "Maybe this Hasid crap works in bankruptcy court, huh?" "Ira, you promised." "Yes I did, Peg." "Yes, I did." "I got news for you, Ethan." "Your life is about to change." " Starting tomorrow..." " Miss Stuckman!" "Yes?" "Miss Shtuckman, tent is ready." "Fantastic." "Wait, wait, wait." "Now who the hell are you?" "Rafi." "Rafi, this is my son Ethan." "He's a good Jew." "Sorry?" "I don' t speak Hebrew." "Very interesting to meet you." "Miss Shtuckman." "I'm Mr. Shtuckman." "I mean Stuckman." "You better scram." "You're going to be late for your own Seder." "No Seder." "I not religious." "Smart Jew." "Bye-bye." "Ira, shush." "Don't shush me in front of the help." "Dad, you should get that checked out." "Mom, is Vanessa inside?" "She's out back." "You made such a beautiful tent." "Oh, God." "Why don't you just stay and have dinner with us?" "I very grateful, Miss Stuckman..." "I bet you can't wait for that shower, huh, pal?" "Here's 20 bucks." "Happy Passover." "I stay." "Great." "Stay." "Miss Stuckman, I can have a shirt?" "Follow me." "Thank you." "Have him pick us up in a gas-electric hybrid limo." "And, Justin, no white limos." "Okay, then." "We're a go." "Bye." "Sorry, only immediate family." "I thought you were just going to services and stuff." "You're Hasidic?" "If the suit fits." "The suit fits nicely." "You look snappy too, Vanessa." "Snappy?" "Well, I'm wearing this for an event later." "I thought I'd have to fight you off all night." "No." "Ethan." "Too bad." "I looked up the law on cousins." "Ethan, we can't." "You're saying that, but you never mean it." "Come out, you two." "We're starting." "Your mommy's calling." "Stop it." "We're cousins." "Once removed." "And that is why we cannot even kiss hello." "Okay, Hasid boy." "But if I turn up the heat, you'll take off the hat." "Everyone, we're starting." "We're already here." "Cousin!" "Hi!" "Hot dress!" "You know, I wore the same one once for a client, erectile instability, and he was stable that day." "Hi, Ira." "Hey!" "You're wearing my shirt." "Yes." "Look at all this crap." "This crap is what our ancestors had Seders in." "We descended from monkeys." "Maybe we should have a banana Seder." "Ira, this matters to me." "Sweetheart, did you think about what I asked you?" "Yeah, Mom, I believe he's going to be nice and all, but I still can't come." "The house isn't kosher." "Kosher?" "You want kosher?" "It'll be kosher enough for Moses." "So Ethan's gone religious, I got to eat in a tepee?" "Dad, new you?" "Yeah." "Hey, Ethan, we all expected you to come back here on your hands and knees begging for forgiveness." "But you know what?" "I don't need an apology." "The new me is magnanimous." "Matter of fact, I am going to fix your life for you, just the way I did Zeke's." "I got that yutz off drugs." "What's a yutz?" "It just so happens, there's an opening at Stuckman Ornaments." "Dad, you make Christmas ornaments." "So what?" "You didn't object when they paid for your food, your clothes..." "Ira!" "this is not the time." "Ethan, let me ask you a question." "How do you get by?" "I do whatever the Rebbe asks." " How much do you get paid?" " My investments." "Your investments, huh?" "You don't think I know that you're taking money from your mother," "I.E., my money!" "Dad." "Lionel's getting upset." "I'm going to sweeten the deal." "I know you need to make these adjustments in your life." "I'm going to give you your own secretary, an office, the works." " You start tomorrow." " I'd be surprised." "Can we just table this, and go in the tent, and have a warm family Seder, okay?" "You, give me the antacid." "Sure, take it out on the yutz." "Got the yutz off drugs." "Prick." "Prick." "I'm going to light your inner wick." "I can't sit with my legs crossed for a whole Seder." "Then stretch them out, Ira." "There' s room." "At least you get a camel saddle." "How do I sit up straight?" "It's Passover." "You're supposed to recline." "Mom, beautiful job." "It's kosher enough for Moses." "Could've used a heater." "Don't worry, Jenny, I got a space blanket in the suitcase." "Dad." "Gentlemen, yarmulke." "This I know something about." "Nowhere in the Torah does it say I have to wear a yarmulke." "It's traditional." "You shouldn't take your hat off for nobody but God." "I thought it was because God is over you." "God isn't over you, God is everywhere." "We're in God." "The yarmulke just protects your mind, because it separates us from the animals." "Okay, why don't women wear them?" "Women should wear them as well." " Well..." " I'll take one." "For Dad." "Ira." "Dad." "The fastest Seder on Earth." "Page 7." "Here's the Seder plate." "Not as nice as my mother's, but we all know what happened to that one." "Grace, the Seder plate is holy because these foods tell our story." "Sort of like the Last Supper." "The Last Supper was a Seder." "Get out!" "Here's the egg, here's the bone." "Real lamb, not a chicken neck." "The greens, the charoset." "Made with kosher wine." "And the horseradish." "Which I bought extra strong because some of us have a lot to atone for." " Peg, just light the damn candles." " All right." "Fine." "Blessed are you, Lord our God," "Ruler of the Universe, who has sanctified us with your commandments, and commanded us to kindle the festival lights." "Blessed are you..." "Wait, Mom, there's a beautiful melody for the holiday blessing." "It goes like..." "Baruch Atah" "No melody." "This is Vanessa." "Hi sweetie." "It's my client." " Unbelievable." " Yeah, no problem." "Page 7." "All right, lift your cups." "Blessed are you, et cetera, for the fruit of the vine," "Blessed are you, et cetera, for the seasons of joy." "Cheers." "Stop." "Nobody drink." "Dad, these are prayers, they matter." "Ethan, when you have a job, a house, a table, you can run the Seder." "Until then, just shut up." "Dad, these words can transform you." "You want a new you?" "Do this right, and it'll happen." "Look how wise the Haggadah is." "It says to repeat the holiday blessing." "That is a second chance to sing." "Baruch Atah" "No singing." "Your brother Imre of blessed memory, he could sing like a cantor." "Moving on." "Now, the commandment is to drink, not sip." "Right on." "Next is hand washing." "Let's just rub them a little." "No!" "This year we wash." "That's why I got these silver bowls." "Naturally." "Kosher Seder means shopping for new stuff." "Guys, the Seder has power." "It's not just about our ancestors escaping from the Pharaoh in Egypt." "It's about us escaping from impatience and anger and envy, from our own inner pharaohs." "Ethan, focus on your own inner selfishness, and stop interrupting" "It is a commandment to interrupt." "That's how we learn." "It's more of a commandment to read the Haggadah in Hebrew like I did in my house." "Pop, this is my house." "What house?" "It's a tent." "Why don't you do things the right way?" "Your brother Dávid of blessed memory, he could read Hebrew like a Rabbi." "Page 8." "Dip the parsley in salt water." "Sorry, we need this photo op, even though I'm playing it like they need us, but now it turns out there's an aquarium there, and my client won't go where there's captive fish." " and I..." " Vanessa, dip." "Sorry." "Blessed are you, et cetera, for the food of the earth." "Eat." "Now, food is a miracle." "Really taste it." "It's friggin' parsley." "Imagine if food didn't come from the ground." "Imagine if you had to climb a mountain for it, or swim to get it." "Or have to earn it." "You'd starve, Ethan." "Dad, thank you for putting food on our table." "Thank you." "Now that's a miracle." "But why have a Seder if all you're going to do is rush through it?" "Because that's what Jews do." "Page 9." "Here's the matzo, here's the middle matzo." "I break it in half, take the larger piece, and I wrap it." "This is the Afikomen." "Later, when I go wash my hands, the kids will hide it." "After dinner, I ransom it back from them." "We can end this whole thing." "No." "The way you're supposed to do it is, you hide it, and the kids find it." "Peg, that's your way." "We all know why we don't do it that way anymore." "I found it!" "I win the prize." " Yeah." " Where did you find that, Ethan?" "Where you hid it." " Really?" " Yeah." "You little cheater." " Leave the boy alone." " I was only trying to help." "You hid it way too well." "Nobody could find it." "It was 15 years ago." "We could switch off who hides it each year." "Shut up." "You don't have to talk to him like that." "Page 10." "Dad, if you apologize to Zeke right now, a spark of divine light would be released." " Page 10." " God's light hides in this world, but when one soul reaches out to another, a spark of that light floes back to God." "And releasing those sparks, releasing those sparks is the whole purpose of the human race." "Page 10..." "Going around the table." "Profound intellectual comments not required." "Vanessa." "This is the bread of affliction." "Let all who are hungry..." "Don't you dare." "This is Vanessa." "No, we don't want the aquarium moved." "We want the fish freed." "Jesus Christ." "From those who anger us, we learn patience." "Okay, Ethan, I admit it." "You are a great teacher." "Thank you." "This is for real." "You really believe this garbage?" "Of course it's real." "God is great." "And how do you know this God exists?" "I don't, but I want to believe so I cultivate that desire." "And the funny thing is, the more I want God, the more I feel God." "That's not Judaism, that's New Age psychobabble." "It works for me." "No!" "Ethan, Judaism does not work for you." "You work for it." "Your people survived by the sweat of their brows, not by cultivating desire." "Are you saying that God doesn't help?" "Dipping into your mother's pocketbook, that's God's help?" "Problem solved." "They're freeing the fish?" "We're very big." "What did I miss?" "He asked you a question, Ethan." "If I want to give my son a gift because I love him, I will." "Why don't you just move it forward, and I'll check on the lamb?" "And I don't love him?" "I didn't send him to Stanford for three years." "I would have sent him for a fourth so he could get his degree if he hadn't bailed." "Enough already!" "When do we eat?" "You're inner pharaoh anger, Dad, at losing the bragging rights to a son who graduated from Stanford." "You know what, Ethan?" "That is obnoxious." "This man raised you." "He sacrificed for you." "You really want a part of this?" "What, of your sanctimonious B. S?" "Go ahead, I'm right here." "Bring it on." "Your career doesn't exactly send sparks back to God" "At least she doesn't mooch from her parents." "Do you even know what I do, Ethan?" "Do you?" "I have a client." "His face disfigured a child today." "He can't even look at women because he's so sure that they look at him and they see a monster." "So together, we follow a 14-week protocol... in the first seven, we just talk." "Then I start to make him feel like an actual human being who's worthy of love." "Do you have any idea what that means to him?" "Do you?" " For a price!" " So what?" "Okay?" "Doctors make money, therapists make money." "We all make money helping people, Ethan." "Soon I'm gonna be helping a lot more people making more money." "I'm not gonna be ashamed then, either." "What are you gonna do, hire other sex surrogates and go public?" "No, I'm not!" "I am launching a remotely controlled cyber-sexual device for the home-bound." "You're gonna be rich." "Yeah, I know, because all of those people in those chat rooms, typing with one hand," "Sexologizer 2.0 could be huge." "There's so many one-handed people in the world?" "I got to tell you, I don't recall Sexologizer 1.0" "It was my partner's idea because people will think that we've already sold millions." "Who's "we"?" "It's confidential at this juncture." "You're backing a cyber company?" "Real people, real products, not like your new economy paradigm." "It's not enough Nicole's a sex worker?" "Now you're her pimp?" "This will allow her to transition from surrogate to entrepreneur." "Surrogate?" "Entrepreneur?" "She has sex for money!" "My God, Mom, like you're so perfect!" "You're bringing your big gigolo here to Seder." "You're parading him around in front of your husband." "Do you see how your little princess speaks to me?" "If the shoe fits, Peg." "You allow girl speak to Miss Stuckman like this?" "Why don't you just scram, pig?" "Pig?" "This is a kosher Seder." "You insult the wrong man, Stuckman." "Oh, my gosh." "Make apology to Miss Stuckman and me." " Get away from me!" " Make apology, Stuckman." "Stop it." "Lionel's getting upset." "Ira, stand up to him like a man." "Dad did it again!" "You hit me with most holiest object in house, you son of bitch." "It's his heart!" "Oh, my Daddy!" "Oh, God!" "Let Grace through." "She is a nurse!" "I do laser hair removal." "Is it a heart attack?" "I told him to make that appointment!" "I can't tell." "His pulse feels okay." "Is he on any medication?" "No, he hasn't seen the doctor yet." "I don't know what's wrong." "I drugged him." "Ira, can you see my eyes?" "What did you just say?" "I said I drugged Dad!" "You what?" "I slipped a tab of Ecstasy into his antacid." "It's really good stuff." "Should give him a new perspective." "Oh, my God." "You little bastard." "You gave me your goddamn drugs?" "I'm gonna give you some goddamn misery!" " It burns!" " Eat it!" "Guys, I think Dad's okay now." "It's all right." "It's all right." "In the camps, horseradish was like ice cream." "It's all right, Miss Stuckman." "It's a big family Seder." "It's normal." "It's not all right." "His pupils aren't responding." "My pupils aren't responding?" "Ira, you'll be fine." "The pupil thing is normal." "What do you know?" "You're not the nurse." "Ira, listen to me." "You'll roll for a few hours, and then you'll be fine." "The only thing that can turn those hours into a bad experience is fear." "Look at me, Ira." "There's nothing to fear." "Do you understand?" "Are you a druggie, too?" "I'm a celebrity publicist." "I know how to handle a drug overdose." "What?" "I overdosed?" "No, not with one tab." "Vanessa, you're not gonna leave me, right?" "Absolutely not." "Let me explain to you what rolling is." "It's like a roller coaster..." "up, down, up again," "Touchy, feely, connected." "This is Vanessa." "They got Jennifer Lopez?" "They don't need us." " Vanessa, wait." " Oh, my God." "I'm sorry." "You said you weren't gonna leave." "Better buckle up, Dad." " I wish I lived on your planet." " Seven dwarfs." "You don't get upset unless we do." "Mom doesn't spit every time you come in a room." "Nympho daughter, druggie son." "Another Seder ruined." "Peggy, I could die here." "Ira, you're not going to die." "What do you know?" "You're a hair plucker." "Welcome to the family, Grace." "Okay, bathroom break." "Right, right." "Okay." "Shoot, I'm losing signal." "I'm about to lose you." "They have J-Lo now." "They don't have to release the fish." "I'm sure it's a four-star aquarium." "Look, I'll get you in the picture with her, I promise." "No, not the fish, J-Lo!" "Hello!" "I hate A-minus celebrities." "Hate fuels the sinful impulse." "Isn't that lust?" "Lust, too." "Ethan, you're sinning right now." "I'm not doing anything." "You're leering at me." "Merely admiring." "God created animals in ascending order." "He made woman last." "You're holy." "Ethan, you're lusting." "Fine." "I'll look away." "Here, let me help you." "Why don't you just look into my eyes?" "Or... you can look down... if you want to." "I don't want to." "Now you're lying and lusting." "Grounded?" "No, your punishment's gonna be a work of art." "Masterpiece." "Wow, Mom and Dad on the same page." "You insolent little..." "I told you, don't hit the boy." "You think I hit Dávid or Imre?" " You hit me." " You deserved it." "This is awesome." "What are you looking at?" "Can I tell you something?" "It's freezing in here." "Look at me, I'm freezing." "I'll get a space blanket from the suitcase." "Thank you, Grandpa, but really, I'd like a sweater." "Peggy, do you have a sweater?" "Hall closet." "Thanks." "This is her last Seder here." "This is my last Seder ever." "Seventh inning." "What kind of guy actually marries a sex surrogate?" "You know how many partners I've had?" "An open-minded kind of guy, right?" "But those kind of guys come with their own excess baggage." "Don't walk the batter." "Why do I let her do this to me?" "I'm a good person." " I have sex with cripples, for God's sake." " Lucky sevens." "You know, I feel much better, thank you." "Oh." "Hey." " How's Dad doing?" " Never better." "Really?" "Is he tripping?" "Usual tyranny, but he seems scared." "That doesn't sound good." "That depends on your perspective." "You know what?" "We try to be very sweet to you, and you act like this big victim because you grew up in a smaller house than us." "First of all, it was a one bedroom apartment, which it wouldn't have been if Dad hadn't left my mom for your creepy mom." " You're a bitch." " You're a privileged slut." "I am happy and interesting." "You... you're not." "I'm not happy and interesting." "That's it." " Where were we?" " We're about to head back." " No, we're just about to..." " Vanessa, look, I can't." "But we already kissed." "It's against the law." " I looked it up." " Jewish law!" "But I feel a holy spark down..." "Vanessa, no." "Please." "Fine!" "But it will never happen again, Ethan, you hear me?" "Never." "Fuck it." "I'll atone at Yom Kippur." "What's this?" "It's sexy." "I've never seen anything like it." "It's supposed to remind me not to sin." "You mean like this?" "I feel something." "It's like I'm angry, but I don't know what I'm angry at." "That's not the X. That's you." "No, I'm angry because..." "I lost it." "Maybe it's better I run the Seder, Miss Stuckman." "Not in my tent." "It's my tent." "My yard, my rent, my tent." "Way to lay it down, Dad." "Page 11." "Zeke." "Why do I always have to read the four questions?" "Because you are the youngest." "I am not." "Lionel is." "So it should rotate like every other paragraph." "Then it's still your turn." "Fine, but if it wasn't..." "Read the damn questions before I rip your tongue out of your mouth." "Should've given you two tabs, you're such a prick." "What did you say?" ""How is this night different from all other nights?" "On all other nights, we eat either leavened bread or matzo." "Why on this night only matzo?" "On all other nights, we eat all kinds of herbs." "Why on this night only bitter herbs?" "On all other nights, we don't dip our food at all." "Why on this night do we dip it twice?" "On all other nights, we sit upright or reclining." "Why on this night only reclining?"" "Ethan, is there an inner meaning to the four questions?" "No." "Really?" "I would have thought that the..." "No." ""We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt, and God brought us out from there with a strong hand and an outstretched arm." "If God had not brought our ancestors out of Egypt, then we, our children, and our children's children would have remained enslaved to Pharaoh in Egypt." "So even if all of us were wise and versed in Torah, we would still be obligated to discuss the Exodus." "And everyone who discusses it at length is to be praised."" "Ethan, no wisdom to share?" "Yeah, Ethan, unleash some sparks." "The key word in that last part was..." "Length, isn't it?" "Discussing it at length." "Really, guys, haven't we been here long enough already?" " No." " No, we have, okay?" "At this point, we're not gonna eat until midnight!" "The key word is not "length." It's "we."" "We are enslaved, coveting the things we cannot have, lusting..." "For dinner, growing impatient." "I feel you." "I got it, dude." "Your turn." ""Rabbis Akiba, Joseph, Tarfon, and Elazar ben Azaryah were celebrating the Seder." "These Sages discussed the Exodus all night." "Finally, their students entered to announce the morning prayers."" ""Rabbi Elazar ben Azaryah harei ani k'ven shivim shanah v'lo zachiti..."" "Pay attention." "You think Dávid was daydreaming at Seders?" "No." ""The sages, on the other hand, explain this passage which follows." "The 'days of your life' refers to this world, but 'all the days of your life' refers to the time of the Messiah."" "These guys spent the whole night studying one adjective." "Doesn't mean we have to." "It's not about the adjective." "You study it to learn about yourself." "Dad, what happened to the world's fastest Seder?" "Jesus Christ, look at him." "He's tripping like a hippie." "It's all here and now." "What's here and now, Ira?" "This Seder, Pop's Seder, the Sages' Seder." "Peggy, you've created a beautiful here-and-now." "The fabrics, the cushions... the saddle." "You did great." "Thank you very much, Ira." "Of course, you're on drugs." "And all the other tents." "All the tents of all the Jews of all time." "God damn, Dad, you are tripping." "No." "Listen." "We're in the desert." "We've just left Egypt." "We don't know where we're going, but we're here now, and God is near." "He's wasting our time." "I think he's cool." "I think he's Moses." "Guys, this is Dad." "There's lots of sides of him that you don't see." "Tonight he's Moses, the most important person in the story, but who's never mentioned in the Haggadah because he's the one leading us out of Egypt now." "Dad is Moses, and I think he's finally feeling God." "You know what, sweetie?" "We need to move on." "Okay. "Four times the Torah tells us 'And you shall tell your child.'" "From this we infer that there are four kinds of children."" "Just like our family." ""One is wise, one is wicked, one is simple, and one does not know how to ask."" "Peggy, we've got five kids here." "We do." " I'm so sorry, dear, really." " It's all right." "I'm gonna get some more wine." "Rafi, Read." ""The wise son says, 'What are the laws and statutes that God has commanded you?" "'" "Instruct him in the laws of Passover that after eating the Passover sacrifice, we do not eat anything else."" "That's the Afikomen, so even if you do something horrible at the Seder, you can still leave with a blessing." "Jennifer?" "Peggy arranged the seating so that I would get this paragraph." "She didn't do that." "Why would she do that?" "Yeah, must've been God." "Jen, the wicked son is the best one because look at us, we're all wicked, but he asks because he wants to be good." "When one soul reaches out to another, the spark of that light flies back to God." "Fine." ""The wicked son"...daughter..." ""...says, 'What does this service mean to you?" "'" "To you and not to him." "Thus she excludes herself from her people, and had he been there when we left Egypt, he would not have been saved."" "Okay, see?" "He asks, and then he gets left out." "Jen, you're not left out." "You're here, and it's great." "Babe, your dad's reaching out." "Babe, my dad is stoned." "You just read, okay?" "Jen, I know you're hungry, so I'm gonna skip a few pages." "Dad, don't make this about me." "Everybody here is hungry." " I want to do this for you." " Oh, come on." "Because I wasn't there when you were growing up." "I'm so sorry." "Ira, it's about time." "There's a new me in town." "Things is gonna change." "Okay." "See?" "No." ""Tings" is not gonna change." "You blew it a long time ago, Dad, and you can't just "I'm sorry" and make everything all right." "Yeah, but I can try." "We'll see what happens when the drugs wear off." "This has nothing to do with drugs." "Well, maybe a little." "But I promise you I'm never gonna forget this." "Raise your cups." " "Not once"..." " Wait, Dad." "We should all say this." ""And with great joy, not once nor twice was out destruction planned, but in every generation, our enemies rise up to destroy us." "But the Holy One, blessed be He, delivers us from their hands."" "Could have been more joyful." "What joyful?" "This "And the Pharoah, love me, love you" business." "Nonsense!" "When you thank God for deliverance, you mean it." "The Egyptians, all they wanted was to enslave us." "But the Philistines wanted us dead." "So did the Babylonians." "So did the Greeks, so did the Romans." "Then came the Inquisition in Spain, the Pogroms in Russia, the Nazis in Germany who put numbers on my arm." "They killed Ira's mama." "And his two brothers, Dávid and Imre, and his sister..." "Little Magdi who made the sun shine." "This is the history of the world, my friends." "When you thank God for saving you, you'd better mean it!" "Because if the children of the children's children of all those bastards could kill us here and now, they would." "Grandpa, I don't think that's what the Rebbe meant by great joy." "Nuts to the Rebbe." "Grandpa, the enemies in every generation are the forces that hold us back from becoming the man or woman that we want to be." "Anger, prejudice, lust." "Those are feelings." "The bastards are real." "Feelings are real, Grandpa, and they lead to all kinds of problems." "Even war." "The Rebbe says be joyful not just because God saves us but because joy frees us from those forces." "I'm talking about real joy, deep joy." "If we could all tap into that, for just one moment, we'd be a light unto the nations and that would be the end of war." "Fantasy." ""And we cried out to the God of our fathers, and He heard our voice and remembered this Covenant with Avram, Yitzchak, and Yaacov."" "I don't need a drug hug." "Pop, we've never hugged." "What hug?" "We're men." "I don't even remember shaking hands with you." "The day I made you a partner, I shook your hand, and you slapped me with it." "I gave you 12 months' notice." "Six generations of Stuckmans made fine hats, but not you." "Pop, Kennedy killed the hat." "Nobody wears them anymore." "Baloney!" "Look at me." "Look at Ethan." "And look at you." "You make Christmas balls." "I make Christmas ornaments because the people who hid me during the war gave me one as a present." "Pop, I'm sorry about the hat shop." "I know you loved it." "But I'm talking about hugs here." "I'm sorry I never hug you." "Or listen to me, or respect me?" "Oh, no." "I respect you, kid." "Maybe now I understand why you enjoy the drugs so much." "But, hey." "Listen." "They're dangerous, and I'm gonna still punish you for it." "Don't feel you have to." "Look, I have nothing against your profession," "I mean, I know you help people." "But now that you're thinking about changing careers, maybe your mother's right." "Are you trying to back out of Sexologizer, Daddy?" "Come on, sweetheart." "You can do better than the sex business." "Jennifer." "I'm so sorry." "I'm so sorry about so many things." "I'm sorry that I never showed you how much I love you." "And maybe if I had, you wouldn't be..." "Gay." "I wouldn't be gay, Dad?" "This is unbelievable." "You still think it's your fault that I'm gay." "All right, listen carefully." "Gay is what I am." "That's it." "It has nothing to do with you." "Yeah, but I wasn't there for you like the others." "And thank God." "Dad, they are way more screwed up than I am." "You've got a drug addict, a prostitute." "This guy..." "God bless him..." "he is, you know, tragic." "And your precious Ethan... was boning your cousin in Dad's study not one hour ago." "Dude." "Nice." "I built this tent for you." "I bought plates for you." "I roasted a goddamn lamb because you're so holy." "And you have sex with my cousin?" "I'm sorry." "In my house?" " I'm sorry." " So, Eth," "Notice any sparks floating back to God while you were committing incest?" " It is not incest." " Really?" "Cousins, not incest." "Once removed." "It's a gray area." "I knew that hassid junk was an act." "It is not an act, okay?" "I slipped." "That's part of the process." "It's not like I had an affair because my wife wouldn't have me, Dad." "That's a lie." "Really, Mom?" "That's a lie." "It never happened." "That thing that never happened never happened a long time ago." "It never happened." "One of you go." "They don't deserve you, Peggy." "Lousy supermarket macaroons." "She buys the same ones every year." "Thank you." "You know, it's funny." "In Israel, when they say "macaroons," it's like "macaroni."" "It's like spaghetti." "Every time in America, when they say, "Do you want macaroons?"" "I say no because I hate spaghetti." "Not spaghetti bolognese, but a little spaghetti..." "Whose turn is it?" "Okay, then good." "I'll go." "No." "Honey, don't." " Lift your cups." " Please don't do this." "Guys, you're on to something here." "Something your family needs." "Go with it." "Jesus said, "Blessed are those who weep, for they will laugh."" "Honey, it's the wrong crowd." "Jesus was Jewish, honey." "He got it from Ecclesiastes, okay?" "Lift your cups." "Excuse me, but where do you get off telling us what to do?" "I'm the matzo bearer." "Without me, there would be no matzo." "Now, little girl." "Lift your damn cups." ""Wherefor it is our duty to thank, to praise, to honor, to glorify, to exalt, to commend, to bless, to extol, and to acclaim Him who performed all these miraculous deeds for our fathers and for us." "He brought us forth from bondage to freedom, from anguish to joy, from darkness to great light, from servitude to redemption," "Let us therefore sing before Him a new song." "Praise You the Lord." "Hallelujah!" "Hallelujah." "Ethan, sing that song, that new song." "Forget it." "Honey, I think we should go." "No." "We need this." "We need this for us." "I kissed Rafi... like I haven't kissed anyone in years." "Because you're not the man I married anymore." "And, Ethan, you want to talk about pharaohs, you're my pharaoh." "All of you." "I have been a slave to this family for years." "30 years I've been feeding you and dressing you and driving you and trying to keep the peace, and I've so failed at that." "Trying to make a loving... presentable family of all of you, and I've failed at that, too." "So I'm not sure when I'll be back." "Just..." "Mom, don't say that stuff." "It's almost dinner." "You made it, we'll love it, and..." "I'm really sorry about what I said." " No, you are not." " Yes, I am." "Mom, there's no excuse for what I did." "I'm an ass." "You had sex at a Seder that I made for you." "Mom, please..." "Peggy, I'm sorry I said anything." "Please, Jennifer, don't bother." "Daddy, please say something." "What can I say?" "She's right." " Seven minutes." " Okay, Mom..." "Seven minutes." " Mom, listen to him." " I can't do it." "You're gonna want to stay for this." "What?" "I'm a..." "What did you say, baby?" "Ah, hell, I'm not autistic." "Oh, my God, Mom!" "You guys help me." "Dude, you owe me a hundred bucks." "She's not here." "You're such a dick." "You're such a pussy." "At least I'm master of all galaxies." "So am I." "Liar." "Look." "I'll be master by tomorrow." "Dude, no." "And, if they knew how bad you were at video games, the gig would be up." "Only 1 out of 10 is a savant." "But Dad always says, "Lionel's an idiot savant."" "Mom just says you're relatively high functioning." "I really am evil, huh?" "So come out." "I can't just come out." "I gotta find my way back thanks to their years of teamwork and doting attention." "Hundred bucks says you blow it before you're 15." "Should have lost that bet a long time ago." "I'm sorry." "And the doctors?" "They wanted to find something wrong." "All of you did." "I just didn't talk at first, you know?" "I certainly wasn't normal." "And then you guys, you're all such big talkers that compared to you, I seemed especially off, and then the doctors called it autism, and I don't know, I just went with it because I realized that I wouldn't catch Dad's wrath, like Zeke or Ethan," "or get the curse with Mom, like Nikki, and I just shut my mouth, and that was that." "Not to say it was a great decision." "It was a very, very poor one." "But I figured out that I could stop your fights with an episode." "And, Mom, you became this champion for my cause, and for a while I was the only thing that kept us a family." "Those were good things, really good things." "What can I say, but..." "I'm sorry, guys." "Excuse me." "It's okay." "It's okay." "You goddamn liar!" "You goddamn freak!" "Dad, please!" "This is awesome." "Awesome?" "No!" "He's the devil." "Okay, Dad, please, let's just..." "And all of you, you're out of your minds." "This tent bullshit!" "I guess he's not Moses anymore." "Shut up!" "Ira, we're all a little overwhelmed." "Just sit down." "What happened?" "Lionel, what's with the sevens?" "Yeah, that was just to get the receipts." "You needed the receipts why?" "They have merchant numbers, and I wrote a protocol for credit card authorizers so I could borrow and float on the interval between approval and the actual debit." "You're a hacker?" "How much did you get?" "About a million 5." "Dude, you never told me that." "You're a thief." "Mom, it's a gray area, but you and Dad keep the money for all I've put you through." "What about the rest of us?" " You knew." " Not about that!" "You know, I didn't know, so if you want to invest in Sexologizer, we could..." "No, Nikki, he doesn't." "Mom, it was a joke." "This money is going to the Autism Society... period." "Did I tell you he was genius?" "My son, a genius." "I told you it had to do with number 7." "Dad, it had nothing to do with the 7's." "Uh, folks?" "Holy land tent is waterproof, Rafi?" "No, this is... in Islam, the rain is different." "It's..." "Okay, I lied." "Okay, right." "Waterlogged outside, dried out inside." "Do you have a pressure cooker?" "Paprika?" "6, 7, 8, 9, 10." "Who'd I miss?" "Wow, the room looks great." "Thank you." "We worked as one." "One hungry son of a bitch." "Do you even like the clothes I buy you?" "Yeah, some of 'em." "You must have felt so lonely." "I had friends online, and there was Zeke." "All right, let's refill the glasses, top off Elijah's cup." "That's for the prophet Elijah." "Later, we'll open the door for him, and one of these years he'll come in and announce the day of the Lord is here." "I'd settle for a pizza." "I'm gonna wash my hands and then..." "Yes, we'll hide the Afikomen." "No, Peg, we're gonna do it your way." "I'm gonna hide the Afikomen." "The kids are gonna find it later." "And, Ethan, you're still banned." "That was 15 years ago." "What the hell are you humming about?" "I'm filling in for Moses, and I'm doing a pretty good job." "Moses?" "You ain't done bupkes." "When the drugs wear off, Jen will still hate you, Ethan will take the job," "Peggy won't touch you, and Pop will still think you're a putz." "He forgot to hide it." "Dad, you with us?" "I thought he was down." " It's a roller coaster." " Oh." "Dad." "Come on." "Okay, Dad, just look at your plate." "For the sake of time, we set up all the offerings already." "All we need to do is bless and eat, all right?" "Ready?" "Dad, just eat when we tell you." "Vanessa, eat." ""Blessed are you, Lord, our God, ruler of the Universe who has sanctified us with Commandments, and commanded us to eat matzo."" "Zeke." ""Blessed are you, Lord, our God, ruler of the Universe who has sanctified us with Commandments, and commanded us to eat the bitter herb."" ""And this is what Rabbi Hillel did in the time of the Holy Temple." "He would combine the Passover sacrifice, matzo, and bitter herb..."" "Does anyone else get constipated from all this matzo?" "Yes." "All rightie." "That's that." "Mom." "Boys." "Wait." "Where are you going?" "Page 28." "The Festive Meal." "Seconds, please." "Save your appetite." "Peggy's got a phenomenal meal in store." "The gefilte fish is kosher for Passover, Ethan." "I checked." "The Rebbe says no packaged foods on Passover." "And what does the Rebbe say about shtupping your cousin?" "What?" "It's matzo-ball soup." "The Rebbe says..." "What could the Rebbe possibly say about matzo-ball soup?" "He says that when you put matzo in water long enough, it leavens." "The food." "It has to do with the food." "Thank you very much." "Mom, wonderful job." "I made the lamb." "We made the stew." "Mom, how'd you make the stew so fast?" "Pressure cooker." "Jen's idea." "Thank you very much." "This stew is very good, the way Ira and Molly used to make it." "What, Ethan?" "It's your old pressure cooker, right?" "Hey, Mom, it's not kosher." "Ethan, I'm sorry that we made a mistake, but I really think the holy thing to do would be to eat the Festive Meal along with your family, including..." "Come here." "Your resurrected brother, he'll tell you how good it is." "It's amazing, but he's obviously trying to heed a higher calling, okay?" "Shut up, Lionel." "Ethan, why would God care what you eat?" "God cares that I'm trying to do the right thing now, especially tonight." "But it won't change the past." "Let the religious do his way." "Why has my dinner become a boys versus girls debate?" "What does Moses say?" "Yeah." "Stick up for the boys, Dad." "Will you all submit to my decision?" "Look, I'm not gonna eat the lamb, okay?" "Please." "Thought you were serious when you called me Moses." "No, it just served him at the time." "I'll submit to a fair decision." "And the rest of you?" " Absolutely." " Okay." "Ethan wants to eat the stew as much as anyone, but he's willing to make a sacrifice." "Right on, Dad." "No, Zeke." "He's wrong, because there's no religion on Earth that says it's all right to hurt your mother's feelings." "Go, Moses." "Go ahead, son." "Eat." "I said I'd submit to a fair decision, Dad." "Yours is personal." "You're just steamed I won't work for you." "Is that what all of you heard?" "Doesn't matter what they heard, Dad." "You want me to take over the business, you know I won't, and it pisses you off." "Do I sound pissed off?" "Dad, listen to me!" "I'm not gonna make Santa balls." "Why do you mock something that I've worked all my life to give you?" "Because, Dad... this night aside, you're a miserable old bastard." "I don't want to be you." "Take that back." "Take it back, Ethan." "Nah, Nikki, it's okay." "That's not my pharaoh, Ethan." "It's yours." "You're enslaved to not being me." "Maybe, maybe, uh, maybe you don't know me that well, huh?" "Maybe." "Maybe I don't know you, right?" "Yeah." "What do you say... we have lunch?" "There's a kosher place right by your office." "It's a start." "Tell you what." "You don't have to eat the lamb." "No, that's not being serious, Dad." "That's taking a love bribe." "Nikki, are you against a love bribe, or are you still mad that I backed out of Sexologizer?" "You just made a decision based on Mom's feelings, right?" "You're now saying that Ethan's are more important." "That is the first time I heard you defend your mother." "Just answer my question." "Ethan, this must be proof that God exists." "The day your sister defends your mother is the day God will permit you to eat some lamb." "Moses my tuchus." "If every judge thought like you, the Fourth Reich would run the world, and we'd all be dead." "You're milk-livered, Ira." "You always were." "Pop, you're stuck in the past." "You always were." "What stuck?" "I brought you to America." "Why do you always carry around this suitcase?" "Because I'm smart." "You never know when the bastards are coming, especially nowadays." "You've been carrying it around for 60 years." "So?" "I'm a survivor." "And if I didn't keep surviving, your mama and your two brothers and your sister would have died for nothing." " But I'm here, Pop." " Yeah, you're here." "Yeah, I'm here." "I may not read Hebrew like Dávid or sing like Imre or make the sun shine like Magdi." "But I'm here, Pop." "I survived." "You survived, and for what?" "Six generations of Stuckmans made fine hats." "Hitler murdered our whole family, but he could not take that away from me, but you did." "Why?" "I'm sorry, Pop." "Well..." "I miss them, Ira." "I know you do." "I'll give you one thing." "Your mother, she didn't care much about the hat business, either." "She didn't?" "No, she always said, "Artur, you have such a beautiful voice." "Should be a cantor."" "Of course." "Ira, let Ethan do what he wants." "Thank you, Grandpa." "You know what?" "It's not gonna be a fair decision until Mom speaks." "It freaks me out that you're a regular kid." "Wait till you get to know him." "He's a regular yutz." " What's a yutz?" " Mom?" "I don't really care what Ethan eats anymore." "No, Lionel's right." "I owe you, Peg." "Not only for all the wonderful Saders you've made, but especially for this one." "Thank you." "You know, your mother always believed in me." "She believed in me when I started a Christmas business," "I believed making her happy, making her proud." "And I worked hard." "Oh, geez." "Then I'd come home tired, and expected some gratitude, you know?" "Stupid, huh?" "Didn't matter that she was busy raising you guys, working for the Autism Society." "So that's when we stopped talking and I started yelling." "Yeah, there was another woman." "She looked a lot like your mother." "She was very sweet to me." "We kissed." "One night, we took a hotel room..." "I think I can speak for all of us." "None of us need to hear this." "Please, Ethan, let me finish." "Dad, it's like the end of The Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy goes on and on about everything that she's learned." "We're all Dorothied out." "Zeke, please." "And you know what?" "I ran out of that room." "Yes, I love you, Peggy." "And I always have." "I loved the way I used to make you laugh." "Remember when we moved into the house?" "Had that pizza, and tried to read with a candle." "Remember that?" "I know." "You don't believe that guy exists anymore." "I know that." "After all these years of bullying you and screaming at the kids, never paying any attention to you, never listening to your thoughts." "I swear to you..." "I'm not that man anymore." "People don't change in one night, Ira." "Peggy, I can try." "Well, at least Ethan's free to eat his matzo and salad." "Maybe he'll get matztipated." " Get it?" "Matzo and constipated?" " Hey!" "Grandpa." "Kosher?" " Wow." " Of course." "Hey." "Where are you going?" "It's okay." "Kiss your wife." "Rafi." "Come on." "Stay." "You helped us with the tent." "You went through hell with us." "Come on." "Sit down." "Stuckman." "I stay." "Ethan, what's left?" "Eat the afikomen, two cups of wine, and open the door for Elijah." "Pass the afikomen." "Blessed are You, Lord our God, ruler of the universe, who creates the fruit of the vine." "Ethan." "Teach us that song." "It's really for any holiday, any time you're thankful to be around the ones you love." "Blessed are you, Lord, our God that brings us to this moment of joy." "Come on, Eth." "Sing for us." "Baruch Atah" "Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam, shehechiyanu, v'ki-y'manu, v'higianu lazman hazeh." "Hey, don't!" "A- a-a-men." "Zeke, go get the door for Elijah." "Whoa, I didn't even knock yet." "Shaffer?" "Hey, man." "Your family sings." "That's cool." "Hey, it couldn't have been that bad, huh?" "Yeah, I mean, no." "I mean, thanks." "Thanks, dude, really." "Whoa, man." "Whoa." "Don't get all sarcastic on me, okay." "Look, I'm sorry that I jacked you over." "I was sorting pills when my Dad got home, and I freaked." "I started mixing in the perkys with the jolly beans, and the roofies were there, and basically, you got kiddie aspirin." "They look alike, you know?" "The pills, they all blend together." "Anyhow, here is the "Touch God X."" "It's real." "Hey, we're hitting a bangin' rave a little later." "Wanna roll with us?" "No, thanks." "Whatever, man." "Later, man." "So your cellphone." "Does it has a number?" "Rafi, about the tent..." "Next year, improved." "Next year, in Jerusalem." "Amen." "One more time!"