"Man on television:" "HEY, WHAT'S THIS, LAST CHEESECAKE BEFORE EXIT?" "CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION." "L.L.C." "WOW, THIS SURE IS A NICE PLACE HERE." "YES, SIRREE, I BET ALL THE BAKING'S DONE RIGHT ON THE PREMISES." "BILL, WAKE UP." "IT'S ON." "BILL, GET UP." "SAM, UP AND AT 'EM, SAM." "LET'S GO." "WHY IS IT ON SO LATE?" "'CAUSE AT 8:00 YOU CAN'T SAY," ""JANE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT."" "I GOT YOUR ICE CREAM RIGHT HERE." "WHAT DO YOU SAY, FELLAS?" "WHO WANTS YOUR ICE CREAM, HUH?" "2 DOWN FRONT, DAD." "OKEY-DOKE." "HERE YOU GO." "ALL RIGHT." "SAMMY, MY BOY, OH, SAMMY," "DID YOU WANT SOME ICE CREAM?" "THANKS." "BILL?" "BILL?" "COME ON, BILL," "WE GOT ICE CREAM AND SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, BILL," "BILL?" "HELLO, MY NAME'S PAULIE HERMAN." "NICE TO MEET YOU." "I'M FROM JERSEY." "GOD, I MISS BILL MURRAY." "PISCOPO CRACKS ME UP." "OH, I LOVE PISCOPO." "DAD, IF BILL'S NOT GONNA EAT HIS ICE CREAM, CAN I HAVE IT?" "OH, BILL'S GONNA HAVE HIS ICE CREAM," "BECAUSE, BILL..." "LIVE FROM NEW YORK!" "IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!" "BILL!" "[LAUGHING]" "WHY DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS PUT STUFF ON ME?" "I'M GONNA GET SOME POP, THAT'LL KEEP YOU GUYS UP." "YOUR DAD'S THE COOLEST." "I HEARD THAT!" "YEAH." "I D'T GIVE A DAMN LIVIN' IN THE PAST, LIVIN' IN THE PAST, IT'S A NEW GENERATION" "GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO" "AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO" "AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION" "OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO" "NOT ME" "WHAH!" "NO!" "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO" "NOT ME" "ME, ME, ME, ME" "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION" "I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION" "AND I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE" "I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE" "AND I'M NEVER GONNA CARE 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION" "NOT ME!" "[PLAYING 25 OR 6 TO 4]" "WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO THIS SONG?" "WHAT SONG IS IT?" "IT WAS CHICAGO'S 25 OR 6 TO 4," "BUT NOW IT'S TOTALLY UNRECOGNIZABLE." "WHY DO YOU EVEN KNOW THIS SONG, MAN?" "Nick: 'CAUSE IT'S A GOOD SONG, MAN." "OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS," "CHECK OUT THE PIZZA-FACE DORK WITH THE TROMBONE." "WHY DOESN'T HE JUST POP THOSE THINGS?" "I THINK IF HE DID, HE'D DIE OF BLOOD LOSS." "[LAUGHS]" "OH, OH, HERE WE GO." "LOOK, LOOK, IT'S TUBA GIRL." "HEY!" "HEY, YOUR TUBA IS SO BIG AND SEXY!" "IT MAKES ME HOT LISTENING TO IT, BABY!" "PLAY ME SOME BILLY JOEL!" "YEAH!" "HEY, AT LEAST SHE KNOWS HOW TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT." "THAT'S NOT PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT." "IT'S LIKE BLOWING INTO A TOILET." "IT SOUNDS BETTER THAN YOUR SINGING." "Nick:" "OOH." "OH, MY." "LINDSAY, HERE'S AN IDEA." "HOW ABOUT YOU BREAK UP OUR BAND" "SO YOU CAN MAKE OUT WITH NICK?" "OH, WAIT, YOU ALREADY DID THAT, THAT'S RIGHT." "Nick:" "SHUT UP, MAN!" "OW!" "HEY, I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY HE SAID THAT, YOU KNOW?" "EHH." "NO, REALLY." "HE DIDN'T MEAN IT, YOU KNOW?" "WHATEVER." "NO BIG DEAL." "YEAH?" "YEAH." "OH, SO, HAROLD," "NEAL'S DAD IS PERFORMING EMERGENCY DENTAL SURGERY TONIGHT." "WELL, GOOD FOR HIM." "YEAH, LAST WEEK HE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS LADY" "WHO SLIPPED ON THE ICE ONTO THE SIDEWALK" "AND CRACKED HER TEETH." "SHE WAS ALLERGIC TO ANESTHETICS" "SO SHE HAD TO BE AWAKE FOR THE WHOLE THING." "SHE HAD A TOOTH IMDDED IN THE ROOF OF HER MOUTH" "AND MY DAD HAD TO SUCTION OUT, LIKE, A GALLON OF BLOOD." "WELL, WHAT A CHARMING STORY." "OH, SO LINDSAY, HAVE YOU SEEN ORDINARY PEOPLE YET?" "NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT." "OH, WELL, YOU HAVE TO." "I CRIED." "AND, UM, I'M GONNA SEE IT AGAIN." "COOL." "I'M SURE YOU AND SAM" "HAVE A REALLY GOOD TIME." "NO, I'M NOT GONNA SEE IT." "IT'S NOT FUNNY." "NEAL, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE MEATBALLS?" "OH, NO, THANK YOU." "MY FATHER SAYS THAT TOO MUCH RED MEAT" "CAN LEAD TO HEART DISEASE." "OH." "UH, DAD, CAN I HAVE AN ATARI FOR MY BIRTHDAY?" "AN A-WHAT-EE?" "ATARI." "WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?" "THAT'S ONE OF THOSE EXPENSIVE VIDEO GAMES, ISN'T IT?" "NO, NO, IT'S NOT EXPENSIVE." "YEAH, WELL, WHATEVER IT COSTS, IT'S A WASTE OF MONEY." "AND TIME." "YOU KNOW, THE WELFARE ROLLS" "ARE FULL OF VIDEO GAME PLAYERS." "NO, THEY'RE NOT." "WELL, THEY'RE GONNA BE." "TRUST ME." "BUT DR. SCHWEIBER TOLD NEAL" "HE WAS GONNA GET HIM AN ATARI FOR HIS BIRTHDAY." "OH, I ASKED FOR IT." "THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M GONNA GET IT." "Lindsay:" "I'M OUT OF HERE." "WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE, THERE." "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" "I'M GOING TO THE LIBRARY." "I HAVE TO DO SOME RESEARCH FOR THIS HISTORY PAPER." "IT'S ON THE PANAMA CANAL." "WELL, COULD YOU FINISH YOUR DINNER FIRST, PLEASE?" "SEE YA." "BYE, LINZE." "DON'T EVEN TRY IT." "HEY, SORRY I'M SO LATE." "WELL, THANKS TO YOU WE HAD TO CANCEL OUR DINNER RESERVATIONS." "CAN YOU EVER NOT BE SARCASTIC?" "I'M SARCASTIC?" "ALL RIGHT, ANDOPOLIS, COME ON." "I'M GETTING SOME MORE FRIES." "HEY." "HEY." "I THINK I'M GONNA GO PEE." "SO, LINDSAY, WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH YOU TWO?" "DO YOU STILL LIKE NICK?" "NO." "I'M JUST TRYIN' TO BE FRIENDS AGAIN." "FORGET IT." "YOU'LL NEVER BE FRIENDS." "MAYBE IN, LIKE, 2 YEARS." "BUT YOU'LL NEVER REALLY BE FRIENDS AGAIN" "UNTIL NICK GETS ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND." "AND THEN YOU'RE JUST GONNA WANT HIM BACK" "AND THEN THIS WHOLE THING IS GONNA START OVER AGAIN." "I'M NOT GONNA WANT HIM BACK." "ALL RIGHT." "YEAH, SURE." "LOOK, JUST DON'T LEAD HIM ON, OK?" "'CAUSE HE'S OBVIOUSLY STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU." "NO, HE'S NOT." "NICK IS THE ONE" "WHO BROKE UP WITH ME, REMEMBER?" "OH, YEAH, LINDSAY, LIKE THAT FOOLED ANYBODY?" "COME ON." "LOOK..." "YOU JUST DO NICE, YOU KNOW?" "HE'S GONNA GET THE WRONG IDEA." "WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE, MEAN?" "NO, DON'T BE MEAN." "JUST BE A BITCH." "I DON'T KNOW" "LOOK, THIS IS FOR HIS OWN GOOD." "BELIEVE ME, IF HE KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING, HE'D THANK YOU." "I CAN'T HELP IT, MAN, I'M JUST" "I'M SO IN LOVE WITH HER." "RIGHT." "NO KIDDING." "LOOK, YOU GOTTA STOP BEING SO NICE TO HER, ALL RIGHT?" "THAT'S HOW YOU BLEW IT THE FIRST TIME." "OH, LIKE YOU'RE THE EXPERT, OR SOMETHING?" "YOU AND KIM FIGHT ALL THE TIME." "YEAH, BUT CHECK MY NEW STRATEGY." "SEE, SHE CAN FLAP HER LIPS ALL SHE WANTS," "I AIN'T FIGHTING BACK." "SOONER OR LATER, SHE RUNS OUT OF GAS." "THAT IS A BRILLIANT PLAN." "ONLY TOOK YOU 2 YEARS TO FIGURE THAT OUT?" "IT'S LIKE THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE, ALL RIGHT?" "LITTLE RABBIT GETS TIRED," "GUESS WHO WINS?" "Ken:" "ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING?" "NICK, YOU WANT TO GET LINDSAY BACK," "YOU GOTTA GIVE HER THE COLD SHOULDER." "I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW, MAN." "THAT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT." "TRUST ME." "DON'T CALL HER HOUSE," "DON'T WRITE HER NOTES," "AND DON'T SING TO HER." "JEEZ, MAN, WE DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU" "AFTER HEARING ABOUT THAT ONE." "YEAH, NICK." "WE NEED OUR SPACE." "HEY, NEAL, YOUR MOM'S HERE." "SO, HOW WAS YOUR TENNIS GAME?" "OH, GOD, DON'T ASK." "MY SERVE WAS IN THE CRAPPER." "I'M TELLING YOU, I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS." "EVERY TIME I SWING THAT RACKET, EVERYTHING JIGGLES." "I'D SPEND MORE TIME ON THE COURT" "BUT I'VE GOT A FULL-TIME JOB." "OH, REALLY?" "YEAH." "BEING NEAL'S CHAUFFEUR." "OH." "THE ONLY THINGS I'M MISSING" "IS THE LITTLE HAT AND THE MINI-BAR" "IN THE BACK OF THE BUICK." "[LAUGHS] I KNOW THAT FEELING." "HELLO, BABY ANGEL." "BABY ANGEL." "SHH, SHH, SHH." "THANK YOU AGAIN FOR LETTING NEAL STAY FOR DINNER." "HE IS WELCOME ANY TIME." "ALL RIGHT, WELL, CIAO." "BYE." "CIAO." "HA HA!" "HEY, AMY." "HEY, LINDSAY." "NICE THREADS." "[DEEP VOICE] NICE VOICE." "[KIM LAUGHS]" "HEY, SGT." "PEPPER," "WHERE'S THE REST OF THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND?" "WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU ATE 'EM." "Kim:" "OHH." "Nick:" "OH, NICE." "YEAH, KEN, WHEN ARE THE TWINS DUE?" "THAT'S NOT NICE." "LINDSAY, IS THIS BONEHEAD A FRIEND OF YOURS?" "NO, HE'S JUST A PAIN IN MY ASS." "[KIM LAUGHS]" "OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT." "SEE YOU LATER, ELVIS." "GOOD LUCK WITH THOSE MUTTONCHOPS." "[KIM LAUGHS]" "LOOK AT THIS." "[INDISTINCT]" "I SEE YOU'RE ADMIRING OUR NEW MICROWAVES." "OH, NO, WE'RE JUST BROWSING, THANK YOU." "SEE A DEMONSTRATION?" "ONLY TAKE A MINUTE." "LITERALLY." "I DON'T KNOW." "MY HUSBAND SAYS" "ANYTHING COOKED THAT FAST CAN'T BE GOOD FOR YOU." "WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I'LL BET HE WOULDN'T SAY THAT" "IF HE WAS THE ONE DOING THE COOKING, RIGHT?" "HA HA." "MOO." "JUST KIDDING." "FROZEN SOLID." "NOW WATCH THIS." "THINK OF ALL THE FREE TIME YOU'LL HAVE TO PLAY TENNIS." "MOM, I'M GONNA LOOK AT THE ATARIS, OK?" "OK, SWEETIE." "WOW." "YOUR BOY LIKE HOT DOGS?" "YEAH." "30 SECONDS." "OH, MY GOSH, YOU'RE KIDDING ME." "DR. SCHWEIBER?" "HEY, SAM I AM." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" "UM, LOOKING AT MICROWAVES WITH MY MOM." "OH, YEAH?" "[CAPTAIN KIRK VOICE] WELL, SCOTTY," "I HOPE YOU'RE NOT PLANNING" "TO COOK A TRIBBLE," "BECAUSE I BELIEVE THEY'RE BETTER BARBECUED." "[WOMAN LAUGHS]" "I'M SORRY, WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?" "SAM, THIS IS, UH, AN OLD HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND OF MINE." "UH, FROM HIGH SCHOOL." "ANYWAY, KIND OF LIKE YOU AND NEAL ARE--ARE NOW," "AND, UH, CAROL, THIS IS A FRIEND OF MY SON'S." "OH, VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, SAM." "YEAH, WE JUST RAN INTO EACH OTHER, ISN'T THAT FUNNY?" "MM-HMM." "WELL, MILDLY" "FUNNY." "IT'S FAIRLY" "NOT REALLY FUNNY AT ALL." "CAN I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU IN PRIVATE?" "YEAH." "OK, UM, LISTEN, I, UM," "I'D LIKE IT IF YOU DON'T TELL NEAL" "THAT YOU SAW ME HERE, OK?" "'CAUSE I'M GETTING HIM AN ATARI AS A SURPRISE." "YOU CAN KEEP A SECRET FOR GOOD OLD DR. S, CAN'T YOU?" "ALL RIGHT, GIMME SOME." "DON'T LEAVE ME HANGIN', NOW." "ALL RIGHT." "ANYWAY, CAROL," "WE'LL HAVE TO GET CAUGHT UP ANOTHER TIME." "WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND HAVE DINNER" "WITH ME AND MY WIFE SOMETIME?" "OH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT, YEAH." "AND IT WAS VERY NICE MEETING YOU, SAM." "GOOD-BYE, DR. SCHWEIBER." "OH, HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?" "THEY'RE DOING LASER FLOYD" "AT LASER DOME TOMORROW NIGHT." "OH, YEAH, I HEARD THAT." "IT WAS IN ALL THE NEWSPAPERS." "OH, AND YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR A LASER SHOW?" "MAN, WHY DO I NEED TO GO TO A LASER SHOW" "WHEN I CAN MAKE MY OWN, IN MY MIND?" "YOU GUYS, IT'S FLOYD." ""IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR MEAT," "YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY PUDDING!"" "IT'S FLOYD!" "COME ON," "THEY'RE NOT GONNA DO LASER FLOYD FOREVER." "ALL RIGHT!" "WE'LL GO!" "SHUT UP!" "GO WHERE?" "OH, TO, UH, LASER DOME." "YOU'RE TAKING ME TO LASER DOME?" "YEAH." "BE HAPPY." "ISN'T LASER DOME JUST A BUNCH OF SQUIGGLY LIGHTS ON A CEILING?" "NO, IT'S NOT JUST A BUNCH" "OF SQUIGGLY LIGHTS ON A CEILING." "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" "LASER DOME IS A METAPHYSICAL EXPERIENCE." "YEAH, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE YOUR HAND" "UP WENDY FRANKLIN'S SHIRT." "OOH." "SO, DO YOU WANT TO GO OR NOT?" "YEAH." "MAYBE." "I DON'T KNOW." "IS IT JUST ME OR DID IT GET A LITTLE CHILLY IN HERE?" "I'M GONNA GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT." "YOU GUYS WANT TO GO TO STACKEY'S?" "MMM." "YEAH." "WATCH HER RUN, JUST LIKE A LITTLE RABBIT." "I AM THE TORTOISE." "WAS I TOO MEAN?" "NO." "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO." "I THINK THAT WAS PERFECT." "YOU KNOW, NICK REALLY GOT THE MESSAGE." "OK, SO WHO'S WENDY FRANKLIN?" "OH, LONG STORY." "LET'S JUST SAY SHE'S A CHEAP LITTLE SLUT" "THAT DANIEL MADE OUT WITH WHILE WE WERE BROKEN UP." "BUT IT'S OVER WITH HER, RIGHT?" "LINDSAY, THAT'S NOT THE POINT." "HE DID IT WITH HER AT THE LASER DOME." "NOW HE WANTS TO GO THERE WITH ME?" "SO, ARE YOU GOING?" "WELL, YEAH." "I MEAN, WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA DO?" "UGH." "THIS IS DISGUSTING." "I CAN'T EAT THIS." "SO, I WAKE UP THIS MORNING," "AND GUESS WHAT IS SITTING" "ON THE END OF MY BED?" "A TURD?" "YES, BILL, A TURD." "EWW, GROSS." "AN ATARI VIDEO SET." "IS MY DAD THE COOLEST, OR WHAT?" "SO, UH, SHALL WE SAY ASTEROIDS," "MY PLACE, 3:30?" "YEAH, IF THAT'S WHEN YOU WANT TO GET YOUR BUTT KICKED." "YEAH, YEAH, 3:30 SOUNDS GREAT." "ALL RIGHT." "IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME," "I'M OFF TO GET ANOTHER DELICIOUS SERVING" "OF BEN FRANKLIN BEANS." "REMIND ME NOT TO SIT NEXT TO HIM ON THE BUS." "WHAT'S WITH YOU?" "OK, BILL, I HAVE A SECRET," "BUT YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE." "YOU SWEAR?" "OK." "NO, REALLY, BILL." "I SAID OK." "OK." "LAST NIGHT I SAW DR. SCHWEIBER AT THE MALL." "HE SAID HE WAS GONNA BUY NEAL THE ATARI." "SO?" "SO, HE WAS WITH ANOTHER WOMAN." "HE SAID SHE WAS AN OLD FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL," "BUT IT LOOKED WEIRD." "HE WAS HUGGING HER." "WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF DIFFERENT KINDS OF HUGGING." "I MEAN, WAS HE PATTING HER ON THE BACK" "WHILE HE DID IT, LIKE GUYS DO?" "BILL, I DON'T KNOW." "IT WAS A HUG." "SHOW ME." "DO IT TO ME." "I'M NOT GONNA HUG YOU." "WHY?" "I'M QUITE SECURE WITH MY MANLINESS." "IT'S OK TO HUG YOUR FRIENDS, SAM." "OK, GET OFF ME, I GET IT, I GET IT." "OK." "SEE?" "HAVE YOU TOLD NEAL?" "NO, AND I'M NOT GOING TO." "YOU HAVE TO." "NO, BUT HE'LL FREAK." "I KNOW, BUT THERE ARE NO SECRETS BETWEEN US." "THAT'S OUR CODE, REMEMBER?" "THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY." "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SECRETS." "REMEMBER THAT TIME IN SCIENCE CLASS" "WHEN I TRIED TO SNEAK OUT A FART BUT IT CAME OUT A POOP" "AND THEN I HAD TO FLUSH MY UNDIES DOWN THE TOILET?" "DO YOU THINK I WANTED TO TELL YOU GUYS THAT?" "BILL, IT'S NOT THE SAME THING." "IT IS." "IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME THING." "WE'RE NOT TELLING HIM." "[PLAYING WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN]" "HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "NOTHING." "WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" "OH, I WAS JUST," "YOU KNOW, MAKING FUN OF THE BAND GEEKS." "OH." "HEH HEH." "BY YOURSELF?" "LET ME SEE." "LET ME SEE." "IS THAT WHO YOU'RE LOOKING AT?" "TUBA GIRL?" "[LAUGHS]" "YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH TUBA GIRL?" "SHUT UP, MAN." "JUST FORGET IT." "HEY, HEY, HEY." "I'M JUST EXCITED." "WE'VE BEEN WAITING SINCE THE THIRD GRADE" "FOR YOU TO LIKE SOMEBODY." "IT'S GREAT." "YOU THINK SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND?" "NOT EVEN AN EX." "SHE'S A TUBA PLAYER." "SCREW YOU, DANIEL." "HEY, MAN, I'M JUST JOKING." "I'M JOKING." "RELAX." "SHE'S CUTE." "YEAH." "SHE'S FRIENDS WITH LINDSAY." "YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO LINDSAY FOR YOU?" "YES." "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO." "I'LL DO IT." "HEY, YOU KNOW," "IF YOU TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS," "YOU'RE A DEAD MAN." "HEY." "SEE YOU LATER, STUD." "Bill:" "DAMN." "DAMN, YOU SHOULD HIT HYPERSPACE." "HYPERSPACE, SHUT HYPERSPACE!" "UP, SHUT UP, I'M DOING IT!" "OH." "ARGH!" "OHH." "MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HIT HYPERSPACE." "MY TURN." "I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM." "OH, HEY, DON'T FORGET" "TO LIFT THE SEAT THIS TIME" "OR MY MOM WILL KILL YOU." "YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE SAID WE'D TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING?" "YEAH." "DID YOU MEAN IT?" "OF COURSE." "EVEN IF IT'S SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY HORRIBLE?" "I MEAN, IT MIGHT NOT BE HORRIBLE, 'CAUSE IT MIGHT NOT BE TRUE." "BUT IF IT IS TRUE, IT COULD BE PRETTY HORRIBLE." "OK, BILL, YOU'RE KILLING ME." "YOU GOTTA TELL ME NOW." "OK, BUT" "YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO KNOW," "'CAUSE IT'S PRETTY HORRIBLE." "BILL, YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM, DID YOU?" "WAIT A SECOND, SAM KNOWS?" "THAT'S NOT FAIR." "OK, IF YOU GUYS BOTH KNOW, I GOTTA KNOW." "SAM SAW YOUR DAD HUGGING A LADY AT THE MALL LAST NIGHT." "WHAT?" "SHOW HIM." "ALL RIGHT." "NO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE." "MY DAD WAS AT THE OFFICE LAST NIGHT" "PERFORMING ROOT CANAL SURGERY." "SO, THAT WASN'T MY DAD." "IT WAS YOUR DAD." "I TALKED TO HIM." "YOU'RE LYING." "NO, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS" "BECAUSE MY DAD IS COOLER THAN YOURS." "I'M NOT JEALOUS!" "NEAL." "WE JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW" "'CAUSE WE TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING, REMEMBER?" "OH, SHUT UP, BILL." "YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A DAD." "I DO TOO!" "I TALKED TO HIM 3 MONTHS AGO." "[DOOR OPENS]" "HEY, GUYS." "HOW'S THE GAME?" "DO I GET TO FLY ONE OF THOSE ROCKET SHIPS?" "I NEED TO GO HOME." "I GOTTA GO, TOO." "WAIT A SECOND." "HEY, GUYS, I'M SO LONELY." "Sam:" "WE HAVE TO GO." "CAN'T YOU HANG AROUND?" "WE COULD HAVE, LIKE, A LITTLE ASTEROIDS CONTEST," "OR, UH, BENNY HILL." "ALWAYS GOOD FOR A..." "HEY." "HEY." "STILL LEAKING OIL?" "YES, IT IS, AS A MATTER OF FACT." "CHINESE OR PIZZA?" "I'M FAMISHED." "YES, SURE." "YOU PICK, MY LOVE." "[KIM CLEARS THROAT]" "IF YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND" "WHO HUMPED" "A SLUT LIKE WENDY FRANKLIN" "IN A CERTAIN PLACE" "LET'S JUST SAY THE LASER DOME" "WOULD YOU REALLY WANT TO HANG OUT THERE?" "SHE'S GOT A POINT." "WOULDN'T YOU BE A LITTLE WIGGED OUT" "BY THE IDEA THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND" "DID THINGS WITH THIS SLUT" "IN THE VERY SAME SEAT" "YOU COULD BE SITTING IN?" "CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM?" "HEY." "I REGRET IT." "YOU'RE SO FULL OF CRAP, DANIEL." "WHAT IF I'M NOT?" "WELL, ARE YOU?" "I DON'T THINK SO." "YES, THANK YOU SO MUCH." "THAT'S--THAT'S GREAT." "[DOOR OPENS]" "ALL RIGHT, THANKS." "SAM, IS THAT YOU?" "HEY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MISTER." "NOW, YOU KNOW I DON'T MIND" "IF YOU DON'T COME HOME RIGHT AWAY AFTER SCHOOL," "BUT YOU HAVE TO CALL ME AND LET ME KNOW WHERE YOU ARE." "SORRY, I WAS AT NEAL'S HOUSE PLAYING THE ATARI." "I GUESS WE LOST TRACK OF TIME." "THEY GOT HIM THAT TV GAME?" "I THOUGHT THEY WERE WAITING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY." "UM, I HAVE TO DO MY HOMEWORK." "OK, DINNER WILL BE READY IN ABOUT AN HOUR." "OH, AND YOU HAVE TO GET TO BED EARLY TONIGHT." "YOU HAVE A DENTAL APPOINTMENT AT 7:00 TOMORROW MORNING." "WHAT?" "!" "YEAH, DR. SCHWEIBER JUST CALLED." "HE SAID HE COULD FIT YOU IN EARLY FOR YOUR 6-MONTH CHECK-UP." "SAM, DID YOU TAKE MY PINK FLOYD ALBUM?" "NO." "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE AFFAIRS?" "MAYBE THEY MEET SOMEONE THAT THEY LIKE BETTER." "WELL, DO YOU THINK DR. SCHWEIBER WOULD HAVE AN AFFAIR?" "I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT." "DO YOU THINK DAD WOULD HAVE AN AFFAIR?" "DAD?" "SOMEBODY CALL ME?" "[LAUGHING]" "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" "FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK." "HAVE A SEAT." "DR. SCHWEIBER WILL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE." "[HUMMING]" "HELLO, SAM." "HEY." "HEY." "OPEN, PLEASE." "A LITTLE WIDER." "THANK YOU." "[HUMMING]" "TONGUE, PLEASE." "NO, BACK." "BACK." "BAD TONGUE." "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I THINK THAT YOU AND ME NEED TO TALK." "WHAT ABOUT?" "WELL, FOR STARTERS, YOU WERE ACTING" "A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY WHEN I SAW YOU YESTERDAY." "OPEN, PLEASE." "AND, I TELL YOU, I WAS A LITTLE BIT HURT." "I--I JUST DIDN'T FEEL WELL." "WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?" "I THINK THAT YOU MAY HAVE THOUGHT" "YOU SAW SOMETHING THAT YOU DIDN'T SEE THE OTHER NIGHT." "I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING." "SPIT." "AND, UH, YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO NEAL" "OR TO ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT MEETING MY FRIEND, HMM?" "NO." "GOOD." "SOME PEOPLE LOVE NOTHING MORE" "THAN GOSSIPING ABOUT..." "ABOUT SEEING SOMEONE SPENDING TIME" "WITH ANOTHER WOMAN WHO ISN'T THEIR WIFE." "WELL, YOU CAN REST ASSURED" "THAT NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN ME AND MY FRIEND." "YOU DO BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU?" "I BELIEVE YOU." "YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I DIDN'T HAVE MANY DATES." "MET MRS. SCHWEIBER BACK IN COLLEGE" "AND, YOU KNOW, SHE'S A WONDERFUL WOMAN" "AND SHE KEEPS A BEAUTIFUL HOME." "IT'S JUST THAT WHEN YOU GET OLDER, YOU GET BORED." "YOU KNOW?" "NO, NOT REALLY." "IT'S JUST-- IT GETS SO HARD, SAM." "I FEEL THAT THERE'S SOMETHING MISSING IN MY LIFE" "AND I THINK I DESERVE THE CHANCE" "TO FIND OUT WHAT THAT SOMETHING IS." "DON'T YOU?" "I--I DON'T KNOW." "YEAH." "I PROMISE YOU, THINGS WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL PRETTY SOON." "ALL I NEED IS TIME." "IN THE MEANTIME, UM," "I CAN COUNT ON YOU AND ME KEEPING THIS JUST BETWEEN US?" "SURE." "OK." "WELL, THE BAD NEWS, BUD." "YOU GOT A CAVITY." "NO, HE WASN'T ON THE BUS THIS MORNING." "MAN, I FEEL REALLY BAD, YOU KNOW?" "YEAH, SO DO I. I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD HIM." "HEY." "HEY." "SO, ARE YOU STILL MAD AT US?" "NO." "I'M ACTUALLY GLAD YOU GUYS TOLD ME." "I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOUR DAD." "HE CLEANED MY TEETH THIS MORNING." "I'M SURE NOTHING HAPPENED." "WELL, I DON'T KNOW." "AFTER WHAT YOU GUYS SAID," "I WENT THROUGH SOME OF HIS STUFF..." "AND I FOUND THIS." "YEAH?" "SO WHAT?" "THIS CLICKER ISN'T FOR OUR GARAGE DOOR." "I TESTED IT." "WHY WOULD HE HAVE IT?" "WELL, MAYBE IT BELONGS TO JUST A FRIEND OF HIS" "WHO LEFT IT THERE." "YEAH, A FEMALE FRIEND." "I SAW THIS DONAHUE ONCE" "ABOUT HUSBANDS THAT CHEAT." "YOU CAN'T DO IT AT HOME, RIGHT?" "SO THEY ALL HAD SECRET LOVE NESTS." "MAYBE YOUR DAD HAS A SECRET LOVE NEST." "THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT." "HEY, KEN." "OH." "LINDSAY." "LOOK, I WAS TALKING TO DANIEL" "AND HE SAID THAT I WANTED TO NAIL AMY" "AND YOU'RE HERE TO TELL ME THAT IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN." "NO." "HE DIDN'T SAY YOU WANTED TO NAIL HER." "HE WANTED ME TO ASK HER IF SHE WANTED TO GO TO LASER DOME TONIGHT." "OH." "SO, DO YOU WANT ME TO DO IT?" "'CAUSE I WANT TO MAKE SURE" "THAT YOU WANT ME TO DO IT BEFORE I DO IT." "I WANT YOU TO DO IT." "ARE YOU GONNA BE NICE TO HER?" "'CAUSE I'M NOT GONNA DO IT IF YOU'RE GONNA BE A JERK." "OF COURSE I'LL BE NICE TO HER." "I'LL BE AN ANGEL." "FORGET IT." "LINDSAY." "I'M SERIOUS." "OK." "DO YOU THINK THAT THERE'S ANY CHANCE" "THAT THIS MAY ACTUALLY HAPPEN?" "OH, MY GOD." "WHAT?" "YOU REALLY LIKE HER, DON'T YOU?" "I FEEL ODD." "SO, I TOLD MY MOM I WAS EATING AT YOUR HOUSE," "AND BILL TOLD HIS MOM HE WAS EATING AT MY HOUSE," "SO THAT SHOULD GIVE US SOME TIME." "WHEN ARE WE REALLY GONNA EAT?" "I'M HUNGRY." "DO YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA FIND THIS HOUSE?" "WELL, WE'LL NEVER KNOW IF WE DON'T TRY." "WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO IF WE FIND HER?" "I'M GONNA SAY, HEY, LADY," "YOU WANT TO MESS WITH THE SCHWEIBER FAMILY?" "IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?" "OK--BOOM!" "Bill:" "HEAD BUTT!" "HEY- SORRY." "AMY!" "OH, HEY, LINDSAY." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" "I JUST CAME TO SAY HI." "THAT WAS REALLY GREAT." "MAKES ME WISH I PLAYED AN INSTRUMENT." "YEAH, YOU SHOULD JOIN BAND." "WELL, I'M KIND OF TAKING A BREAK FROM ACTIVITIES." "I QUIT THE MATHLETES." "TWICE." "YEAH, MILLIE TOLD ME." "SO, ANYWAY, UM," "I KNOW THIS IS KIND OF OUT OF THE BLUE," "BUT I KNOW THIS GUY--KEN." "HE'S GOT A CRUSH ON YOU." "DO I KNOW HIM?" "WELL, YOU KIND OF MET HIM THE OTHER NIGHT." "WAS HE THE GUY WHO WAS MAKING FUN OF ME?" "YEAH, HE'S A TOTAL WISE-ASS," "BUT THAT'S HOW HE SHOWS THAT HE LIKES YOU." "IT'S JUST THIS WEIRD SENSE OF HUMOR, I DON'T KNOW." "SO, IF YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING," "WE WERE GONNA GO TO LASER DOME TONIGHT." "WHY?" "LASER DOME SUCKS." "YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY." "I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND." "BUT I'LL GO." "REALLY?" "YEAH, I MEAN, WHY NOT?" "KEN'S CUTE, DON'T YOU THINK?" "UH-HUH." "I LOVE THOSE FUNKY SIDEBURNS." "DON'T YOU JUST WANT TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH THEM?" "HEH." "DO I." "LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL" "LET THEM KNOCK YOU AROUND" "LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL" "LET THEM MAKE YOU A CLOWN" "LET THEM LEAD YOU UP IN THE AIR" "LET THEM RUSH, YOU ROCK 'N' ROLL" "LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL" "LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL" "LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL" "TELL YOU ONE THING." "WHEN I GET MARRIED," "I'M NEVER GONNA CHEAT ON MY WIFE." "EVEN IF SHE GETS OLD AND FAT." "YEAH." "I'D BE HAPPY" "JUST TO GET A WIFE." "BUT I DON'T THINK I WANT THE KIND" "THAT'S GONNA GET OLD AND FAT." "I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU EVEN GET ONE GIRL." "HOW DOES ANYONE GET TWO?" "Bill:" "YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE COOL, GUYS?" "TO FIND A GIRL IN A BOTTLE," "LIKE--LIKE I DREAM OF JEANNIE." "I'D LIKE TO MAKE OUT WITH HER ON THAT LITTLE COUCH." "YEAH." "CINDY WOULD LOOK GOOD IN THOSE PUFFY PANTS." "YOU THINK YOUR DAD'S EVER CHEATED ON YOUR MOM?" "NO, NO, I DON'T THINK SO." "MY DAD'S A LITTLE TOO OLD" "TO WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ANYONE." "YEAH." "I'M STARTIN' TO WISH MY DAD" "WAS AS OLD AS YOURS." "Bill:" "HEY, MAYBE YOU'RE JUST DOIN' IT WRONG." "OH." "MAN, I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK." "THE BIG ONE!" "ELIZABETH..." "I'M COMIN' TO JOIN YOU, HONEY." "SHOULDN'T WE GO HOME?" "I DON'T THINK THIS IS WORKING." "WE JUST STARTED!" "Bill:" "YEAH, RIGHT..." "3 HOURS AGO." "[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]" "BOY, THIS IS EXCITING." "I COULD'VE SEEN THIS OUTSIDE FOR FREE." "YOU ARE SEEING IT FOR FREE." "I PAID FOR YOUR TICKET." "YEAH, A WHOLE $2.00." "HOW YOU GONNA LIVE WITHOUT IT?" "[CHUCKLES]" "HEY, UH..." "CAN I-- CAN I BUY YOU A POP?" "NO, THANKS." "HOW ABOUT A LEMONADE?" "NO." "THAT'S OK." "CHOCOLATE MILK SHAKE?" "I'M REALLY NOT THIRSTY." "BUT THANKS." "OK, YEAH, NO PROBLEM." "IT'S, UH..." "YEAH." "SORRY." "HEY." "ARE YOU HUNGRY?" "ACTUALLY, I COULD GO FOR A HOT DOG." "OH, YEAH?" "YEAH." "YOU WANT ONE?" "IT'S ON ME." "SURE." "YEAH." "THANKS." "WOW." "THIS SONG REALLY ROCKS." "YEAH." "NEXT TIME, YOU SHOULD BRING YOUR TUBA AND..." "JAM." "[FRENETIC MUSIC PLAYS]" "SHE SEEMED TO LIKE ME, RIGHT?" "YEAH." "SEE THE SHOW" "[DRUM SECTION PLAYS]" "MAN." "I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE SINCE, LIKE..." "FIFTH GRADE." "BOY, YOU MUST'VE BEEN REALLY CUTE IN FIFTH GRADE..." "WITH YOUR LITTLE BLOND PIGTAILS." "[CHUCKLES]" "OHHH..." "SEE?" "NOW I'VE ALREADY GOT A CRICK IN MY NECK." "OH." "WELL, WHY DON'T YOU LEAN THE SEAT BACK?" "IT GOES BACK, SILLY." "OH." "LEAN YOUR HEAD BACK." "THERE." "IS THAT BETTER?" "MM-HMM." "GOOD." "DID YOU LEAN YOUR HEAD BACK WITH THAT SLUT?" "HEY, LOOK." "ISN'T THAT THE BIG DIPPER?" "GOD!" "WHAT IS IT WITH YOU?" "YOU'RE ACTING SO WEIRD!" "AM I?" "OHH!" "YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE." "EXCUSE ME!" "HEY, COME HERE." "DON'T TOUCH." "DON'T TALK TO HER." "NO SINGING." "RIGHT." "THANKS." "[MUSIC CRESCENDOES]" "[SHOUTING AND APPLAUSE]" "FLOYD RULES!" "COMFORTABLY NUMB!" "YEAH!" "[VIOLIN PLAYS JIG]" "WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN' ON?" "WHAT HAPPENED TO FLOYD?" "THAT'S NEXT WEEK, MAN." "TONIGHT'S SOUTHERN ROCK NIGHT." "YEE-HAW!" "THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA" "HE WAS LOOKIN' FOR A SOUL TO STEAL" "HE WAS IN A BIND 'CAUSE HE WAS WAY BEHIND" "HE WAS WILLIN' TO MAKE A DEAL" "WHEN HE CAME ACROSS THIS YOUNG MAN SAWIN' ON A FIDDLE" "AND PLAYIN' IT HOT" "AND THE DEVIL JUMPED UP ON A HICKORY STUMP" "AND SAID, "BOY, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT"" ""I GUESS YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT" ""BUT I'M A FIDDLE PLAYER, TOO"" "[CHUCKLES] I DON'T KNOW." "IT HAPPENED." "IT'S LIKE BEING IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE." ""BUT GIVE THE DEVIL HIS DUE"" ""I BET A FIDDLE OF GO AGAINST YOUR SOUL"" ""'CAUSE I THINK I'M BETTER'N YOU"" "BEEN TO A MILLION HOUSES, NEAL." "HOW--HOW MANY MORE ARE WE GONNA DO, ANYWAY?" "AS MANY AS IT TAKES." "I DON'T THINK WE'LL FIND IT." "THEN GO HOME." "IT COULD BE WAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN." "THEN WE'LL FIND IT THERE." "RIGHT NOW WE'RE LOOKIN' HERE." "HEY." "NEAL!" "I GOTTA GO HOME." "MY PARENTS ARE GONNA BE WORRIED." "Bill:" "YEAH, ME, TOO." "MY MOM DOESN'T LIKE TO WATCH DALLAS ALONE." "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT." "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ARE GONNA BAIL ON ME!" "WE CAN LOOK TOMORROW." "I PROMISE." "BUT IF I DON'T GO NOW, I'M GONNA BE IN S" "WELL, I'M LOOKIN' NOW." "IF THIS WAS YOUR YOUR DAD," "YOU WOULDN'T BE IN SUCH A HURRY TO GET HOME." "I'D BE THERE FOR YOU." "[SIGHS]" "NEAL!" "NEAL!" "HEY." "OH." "HEY." "HOW'S IT GOIN'?" "GOOD..." "I THINK." "YOU KISS HER YET?" "LAY OFF, MAN." "ALL RIGHT." "BUT IF YOU'RE WAITING" "FOR HER TO JUMP YOUR BONES," "YOU MIGHT ASELL FORGET IT." "I'M NOT." "OK?" "ALL RIGHT." "WHY?" "'CAUSE SHE'S A BAND CHICK, MAN." "YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE." "LIKE, SHOULD I JUST SAY:" "CAN I KISS YOU?" "YEAH." "THAT'S PERFECT." "YEAH?" "WHAT ARE YOU, A FREAKING 'MO?" "NO!" "LOOK." "IT'S EASY." "JUST STARE AT HER." "RIGHT?" "DON'T LOOK AWAY." "KEEP STARIN' AT HER." "SOONER OR LATER, YOU'LL HAVE TO KISS..." "'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHIN' ELSE TO DO." "GOT IT?" "YEAH." "HERE SHE COMES." "[WHISPERS] Do it." "THANKS." "I THINK I COULD STAY WITH YOU" "FOR A WHILE, MAYBE LONGER" "MUCH LONGER IF I KNEW" "HEY, WE, BABY" "WHAT YOU WANNA DO?" "I THINK I COULD..." "SORRY ABOUT THE MUSIC." "YEAH." "HA HA." "IT'S NOT THAT BAD." "HA HA HA!" "YEAH." "HEY, NICK." "YEAH?" "I..." "KNOW I'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE A BITCH." "I JUST..." "DIDN'T WANT TO..." "LEAD YOU ON, AND I KNOW IT'S SO STUPID, BUT..." "[NICK EXHALES LOUDLY]" "I THOUGHT THAT YOU MIGHT STILL LIKE ME." "WOW." "YOU'RE REALLY CONCEITED." "[CHUCKLES]" "[WESTERN NUMBER ENDS]" "[SLOW, MOODY NUMBER BEGINS]" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "NOTHIN'." "WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME?" "AM I--AM I STARIN' AT YOU?" "YEAH." "WHAT'S THE DEAL?" "I WANT TO KISS YOU." "UM..." "OK." "WHAT?" "IF I LEAVE HERE TOMORROW" "WHAT?" "WOULD YOU STILL REMEMBER ME?" "WELL, I MUST BE TRAVELIN' ON NOW" "WELL." "IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU GOT HOME, YOUNG MAN." "YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU." "WHAT?" "THAT MAYBE SOMETIMES IT'S OK" "TO SPEND A LITTLE EXTRA MONEY" "ON SUCH A GOOD KID." "YEAH." "MAYBE YOU CAN TEACH ME ABOUT THOSE SPACE INVADERS." "HUH?" "OH..." "[SOBBING] DAD." "BOY." "MUST'VE REALLY WANTED THAT GAME, HUH?" "[LOUD ROCK PLAYS]" "I'D BE LYIN' IF I DIDN'T SAY THIS IS PAINFUL." "BYE-BYE, BABY, MY SWEET LOVE, YEAH" "YOU'RE JUST SWEET, AND I CAN'T CHANGE" "PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT SO BADLY..." "CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.C.C." "PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF DREAMWORKS L.C.C. AND NCI"