"please." "I'm sure." "Roll up your sleeve." "I can't believe we all got duped." "I been wearing this thing for months." "I feel like such a tool." "Lying jerk!" "please." "I don't know what to believe in anymore." "Let's do this." "will you?" "Hold on." "Let's see... that one." "Stupid fraud!" "Good riddance to you!" "I'm next." "Get this thing off of me!" "273)}– Did you do it?" "– It's done." "I spent five bucks on that stupid thing." "I told you it was a bad idea." "Don't even start." "Because you didn't buy into bracelets doesn't mean you're smarter than me." "What's wrong with him?" "273)}– I feel like such an idiot." "– It's all right." "and the guy is a complete phony." "There's even more coming out about it today." "These latest tests are once again confirming that the performance enhancing drug HGH was in the body of Christ at the time of crucifixion." "people are having their "What would Jesus do?" wristbands cut off." "a team of scientists found traces of HGH on the Shroud of Turin." "Along with several other illegal compounds and pain killers." "there was HGH in the body of Christ at the time of crucifixion." "Jesus did not suffer for our sins." "very high." "All the years of being told something." "It's just so unfair." "Priests and bishops have been working overtime to remove Jesus from the record books and from the Last Supper." "200)} 200)}" "200)} 200)}" "I know people that paid ten bucks for those bracelets." "I bet they all feel pretty stupid now." ""What about the New Testament? but you'll have to put an asterisk next to Jesus' name whenever it comes up." "dude." "Dark times." "what the hell?" "You're wearing a "What would Jesus do?" bracelet!" "I got it a few weeks ago." "Big whoop." "it's that you're still wearing it!" "Didn't you hear Jesus did all his miracles on drugs?" "I know." "Don't you care?" "Jesus asterisk Christ!" "People are feeling cheated by all this!" "Where do I go?" "What do I do? you have to lose the bracelet." "it's not that big a deal." "It's the Charlie Rose Show." "Here's Chuck." "We are here tonight with the only person in America who still wears his "What would Jesus do?" wristband." "Please welcome Stan Marsh." "Dick! why do you still wear it?" "I just like it." "You just like it." "I don't know." "I've had it a long time." "I don't want to cut it off." "Joining us now is one of billions of people who think that anyone who still wears their wristband is doing all of society a disservice." "you say that Stan Marsh is a dick?" "thanks." "My problem with this kid is he doesn't care about the truth." "that's fine. and that is where it became dangerous." "What about the Incas?" "What about the Aztecs? and then Jesus turns out to be a fraud." "Wearing that bracelet is a slap in the face to everyone." "What do you say about that?" "I don't know." "I like it. who actually agrees with Stan Marsh and thinks he's doing the right thing." "Please welcome a retarded fish." "You don't see any problem with someone keeping their bracelet?" "That's because you're a retarded fish and you don't know any better!" "What about the crusades?" "The inquisitions?" "How many people were tortured for somebody who was a fake?" "What about the crusades?" "Does that enter into your decision?" "I just..." "I don't know." "Anything to add?" "I'm good." "Thank you." "Can I talk to you?" "I just wanna tell you... you've really been an inspiration." "I have?" "because he's a damn fraud." "is just being me and being independent like you." "So what I did is I got this brown bracelet and just believing in the cause of being me." "You're wearing a bracelet to think of me?" "I'm not the only one." "There's lots of people doing it." "Mr. Mackey!" "thanks." "And you just keep on standing your ground." "You're wearing a brown bracelet now?" "It reminds me I shouldn't back down when I feel peer pressure." "I got really moved after what you did for all those farmers in Belarus." "Farmers in where?" "200)} 200)}" "200)} 200)}" "Where are people getting all the brown wristbands?" "I don't know." "I got mine down at 7-Eleven." "See?" "Right here." "You interested in a Stanground brace... bro!" "This is happening so fast." "Steve Nelson with Endorsement Management." "Are you ready for your Nike commercial?" "that I was wasting my time." "But my cause is to stand my ground." "I kept my bracelet on." "Because I stand... for standing." "I'll stand." "273)}– You wanna sit down?" "– I'm good." "The captain asks everyone to take their seats." "Tell the captain to take off." ""You never took the bracelet off?"" "Not once?" "Never." "Not ever." "What do I do?" "I Stanground. what tactics did he use to try and convince... we'd like to see your bracelet." "Why?" "Mr. Marsh." "What is this?" "Are we good?" "We live? after reports that Stan Marsh of the Stanground Foundation remove his yellow bracelet." "Rumors have surfaced that Stan did not stand his ground superglued back together." "Please let us check your wristband for Super Glue." "This is stupid!" "He's the one person who doesn't do stuff like that!" "Leave him alone!" "Mr. Marsh?" "I never cut it off!" "let us see it." "This is an outrage." "Who out there is saying that Stan is a liar?" "but he is a reliable and credible source who is of the utmost prestige." "it was Craig." "Craig?" "You asshole." "What's the big idea?" "that's all." "You got nothing better to do than try and knock me down?" "You can't just say anything you want about people!" "Look at him go standing his ground!" "You know what happens when you lie?" "You hold that lie inside." "And it grows right in your balls until they have to cut it out!" "Stan!" "Go ahead and test it." "Then let's just see what happens to this money-hungry prostitute!" "Prostitute?" "This is Breaking News." "The tests are done and the results are in." "The little boy who claimed he never cut off his bracelet did cut it off and lied about it. but of yellow Magic Marker as well." "This is a dark day for honest" "French Swedish people everywhere." "Stan Marsh continues to deny any cheating." "dude." "People are kind of pissed off at you." "Kyle." "You probably should come clean and tell the truth." "273)}– Did you superglue your bracelet?" "– Why does it matter?" "Because you kind of made it matter." "I'm just through with this whole thing." "I can't put my family through any more of this." "You did superglue it." "You know what's really sad is that this is what matters to people." "What nobody seems to remember are the farmers in Belarus!" "Stanground is bigger than me." "You want to tell all those farmers it's all bullcrap? the sooner you can win your friends back." "You need to Bill Clinton this." "Kyle?" "This is a witch hunt." "It's all that stupid French scientist." "and I'm gonna prove it!" "darling?" "Can't you see I'm trying to do my a calisthenics?" "and I'm so scared of burglars. or do you want me to go down to a crystal geyser and bring her highness some right from the spring?" "dear." "What was that?" "I saw something outside." "It's your imagination." "Could you change the channel?" "The remote is dead." "or should I go and make a TV program written for you?" "Just change to channel ten." "Thanks." "It's starting to feel like a the Carol Burnett Show." "What was that?" "I think somebody's here!" "so somebody can pee pee for you too." "I'm terrified." "Please go check it out." "Jesus!" "What are you doing here?" "the man who lives here has led a witch hunt to destroy my legacy." "I'm simply here to search for something I can use to discredit him too..." "That's what I'm doing." "It's a Tweedledum and a Tweedledee trying to break into my a house." "Everyone is claiming you were using drugs." "it is best to say nothing. or should I make you some a kaffebröd and sausages?" "It all happened so fast." "I had a Nike commercial." "I know how it goes." "and it isn't fair." "I know. they'd realize I'm not a fraud." "kaffebröd and sausages for you." "Thanks a lot." "Did you take HGH to do your miracles?" "That's just..." "Everyone just lost their faith." "my son?" "right?" "that's here and..." "We're like... here it's..." "There's farmers in Belarus who are in a life and death struggle." "That's what should matter." "we need to get everyone focusing on what matters!" "Where's Belarus?" "Exactly!" "People don't even know where it is! and people would be stoked on me again." "How can we raise awareness?" "We need to get some bracelets." "Welcome to the P.F. Pityef bracelet factory!" "How can I be of service? and we thought since your company seems to make all the bracelets..." "I see you're wearing one of our brown scauses already!" "Delightful!" "What color would you like for your new scause?" "Our scause?" "Of course!" "You came for a scause to wear on your paws." "And you want others to wear yours upon thars!" "I'm confused." "I should start from the beginning." "that a cause is a thing to be worn on one's sleeve." "it's called a scause." "And wearing a scause gets you lots of applause." "then dip it in colors that show off your purpose." "and pink scauses that focus on nothing but titties." "Do you hate abortion?" "Then a white scause is for you!" "Why not champion your scause with some sparkles and glue!" "We make scauses for this!" "We make scauses for that!" "there's even a scause for just being fat!" "What's the matter?" "Can't think of a scause?" "How about raising awareness for the hairs in your schnoz?" "Let's think of the thing that you care about most!" "like marmalade!" "Thank you for your coming down." "I'm off to go sell these in your little town!" "The hell just happened?" "I need to talk to you about a serious matter." "m'kay." "It's to show my solidarity with the people of Belarus." "You should know that the Belorussian government 273)}– is right now trying to..." "– We know." "We have our Belarus bracelets too." "you do." "You got those." "that's good." "Good you're doing something about it." "over here!" "What's this about orange bracelets? but they're not made from recycled plastic." "I don't give a crap about using recycled plastic." "You do." "I guess I do." "Some people say you knew what you were doing all along." "That you cut it off on purpose to shed light on the farmers." "273)}– People are saying that?" "– Yeah." "Is it true?" "people are aware of the problems there." "or it was a coincidence. but now I think you're a cute sneaky little one." "We did it." "It has become the biggest concern for most people." "The farmers of Belarus in their plight against their government." "And one person is taking it upon himself to end the crisis." "His name?" "Jesus." "and they're fighting for their lives." "I'm here to do whatever I can." "Some people might be thinking you're doing this as a publicity stunt to put to rest the rumors of your drug use." "I don't even have time to think about that." "and I'm just here to do what I can. and I think we have everything worked out. it doesn't change the fact that Balarus needs my help." "I believe it's Belarus." "It very well may be if we don't do something now." "You think you've done something to keep the conflict from escalating?" "I'm just doing what I've always done." "People wanna know what I'm on." "What am I on?" "busting my ass." "What are you on?" "what will you try next?" "What?" "Shit!" "please!" "m'kay." "It's worthless now!" "I'll give you two more! and a jade green one for my hate for Kyle." "please!" "Heidi Turner says you asked her to borrow Super Glue last week." "Are you still on that?" "Have you ever heard of ends justifying means?" "it's the sound!" "– What sound?" "this one's most profound!" "That's the sound that means I must pack up my tent!" "It's the sound of the very last cent being spent!" "and just look at you now!" "from your hoof to your brow!" "Enjoy all your scauses!" "You look great in your cause!" "Be sure to give each other lots of applause!" "I'm off to the next town in my little truck!" "Have a nice day!" "Fuck." "Weak." "It's almost like... like that guy had this figured out all along." "We were trying to do good." "But we got everyone duped by a bracelet company." "We're just gonna accept that people won't think very highly of us." "We can't just let that guy get away with taking everyone's money." "What can we possibly do?" "What would Jesus do?" "Vengeance is mine!" "please!" "Please show mercy!" "my children." "We've all been through a lot." "We got caught up in scauses." "That didn't mean squat." "They turned my message away from the teachings it hid and made it about me and the things that I did." "Which of course I didn't do." "so did all the other prophets." "But I didn't." "So what have we learned from this great wristband theft? only causes are left." "And causes shouldn't be worn on our wrists with a sneer. which is right here." "On t-shirts!" "Free Pussy Riot!" "Free Pussy Riot!"