"Oh, isn't it beautiful?" "You feel better just looking at it." " Howard!" " Hmm." " We've got to show it to them." "It's irregular, hasn't been tabled." " Oh... "Other business"." " Yeah." "And it's chairman's prerogative." "You can't let Barry Fairbrother and his tribe of do-gooders stand in the way of progress." " Those junkies and plebs streaming through our village." " Hmm." " Oh!" " We must raise the drawbridge and lower the portcullis." " Exactly." "They'll just have to accept that Sweetlove House has had its day." "Hmm." "That'll get their goats." "Their goats will truly be got." "Yeah." "Oh, this'll really put Pagford on the map." "That's good, I'll remember that." "Barry Fairbrother." " Oh, hi, Barry." " It's Sunday!" " I know." " Go home." "Uh-huh." "I've got a rather a lot to do." " You see..." " It's all going to be fine." "Go home, Miles." "We'll sort it out tomorrow." "Selling herself... again!" "As if anyone's going to pick THAT up and going to pay for it." "20p tops and that's charity." "She can hear you, you know?" "Do you want me to take your telephone number off her record?" "No, keep it on." "You charging her?" "Like I want the paperwork." "Come on, Terri!" "Your knight in shining Armour awaits." "The pleasure's all mine." "It's not like the old days." "How's your mum?" "Is she all right, is she?" "She died 15 years ago, you came to the funeral." "Right." "Oh, that's a shame that." "That's a real shame." "Yeah, she was such a nice lady." "You know, so kind and... do anything for anyone." "You take after her." "I'm not giving you any money, Terri." "I just need to get some stuff in for the house, you know?" "Like some food, cos I got nothing in." "If you need groceries, I'll get some." "I'll even buy your fags, but I am not giving you any money." "Why not?" "You know why not." "You know..." "You know, actually you're not nice and you're not kind!" " You're just a..." " I'm a wanker, I know." "You've told me before, many times." "You know, if I die... you know it's going to be your fault!" "You know?" " Stick with it, Terri." " Oh, fuck off!" " Stick with it." " Fuck off!" "I'm so sorry." "Now, if I might continue?" "Yeah, sorry." "Character references, plus a reference of the applicant's bank." "And we should interview them, if they're outsiders," " make sure they're Pagford people." " For an allotment?" "Remember the tomato blight dispute of '97?" " Do you remember that?" " Yes, I do." " Carnage!" " Every caution must be taken." "We should waterboard them, just to be on the safe side." " Guardian reader." " Can we have a show of hands, please, for the allotments?" "Motion carried." "Good." "Good." "Now any other business?" "Sweetlove House." "You've been asked to table a proper discussion for ages." "The vote's in a month and now you spring it under "any other business"?" "Chairman's prerogative." " We just thought it would be useful to air some thoughts." "Hmm?" " Hmm." "Democracy in action." " If you please, Shirley." " Oh." "As Dr Jawanda has reminded us, 'tis a mere matter of weeks before the parish council will vote on Sweetlove House." "Is it still fulfilling its remit of being for the enjoyment and betterment of the people of The Fields, or does it have another future?" "Oh, a boutique hotel and spa!" " Oh!" " If we felt that the House has had its day, then the developers have done a little mock-up of what it could be like." "Oh!" " Ta-da!" " Oh, Shirley!" " Isn't it beautiful?" "Oh, that's lovely!" " You feel better just looking at it." " It's divine!" " So they've been consulted already?" " Well, nothing's set in stone, but this would really put Pagford on the map." "What would happen to the food bank, the clinics, the counselling, all the services, where would they go?" "The food bank could be somewhere nearer those who need it." "Perhaps it could be in some sort of van." "A food bank on wheels." "Then it could go straight to the estate." "What about my methadone clinics?" "The town has exactly the same services." "You have to catch a bus into Yarvil, an expensive bus with an unreliable timetable." "Recovery is a very fragile process." "Oh, they'd get that bus if there was heroin at the end of it." "They'd crawl on their knees over broken glass if there was drugs to be had." "Perhaps we could have a show of hands, see which way the wind is blowing." " Erm..." " We're running low on time, Barry." ""Restore, rejuvenate, revive."" ""Immerse yourself in wellness."" "Lovely photos." "Look at their lovely teeth." "Lovely hair." "Lovely Pagford people." "They'll pay a lot of money to be "immersed in wellness"." "And this... this'll make Lord and Lady Sweetlove a few quid, no doubt." "That's not what Sweetlove House is for." "If we vote for this, then what we're really doing is removing any reason for the people of Fields to come into Pagford cos they've got problems." "So many problems." "Yeah, keep 'em on the estate, away from us." "Cos they're not picturesque, are they?" "They don't... they don't look like that, do they?" " Haven't got a pot to piss in, most of them." " Language!" "That's erm... that's social engineering." " That's... apartheid." " Yeah." "You hang on a minute, would you?" "Herding people into ghettos because they don't fit the aesthetic." "There's a name for that, isn't there?" " Bill." "Bill, you stormed the Normandy beaches, didn't you?" " Yes." " Fighting fascism?" " Yes." " Now, look what's happening here." " How dare you!" "No, how dare you, Howard!" ""Immerse yourself in wellness"?" "!" "That house helps people to live, for Christ's-bloody-sake!" "Language!" "This is a Church, remember?" "It's disgraceful!" "Oh, you find language disgraceful but not this?" "Well, I..." "The parish council's not here to make a quick buck for somebody who already has more than enough." "We are the guardians of something unique." "We are the custodians and the stewards of a shining principle." "We do not turn our backs and look away from people in need." "Our vote is in response to a simple question enshrined in law." "In law." "Is the legacy still of benefit?" "Yes." "It has never been so important." "Never!" "When we vote, we must vote to protect it." "It's that simple." "You can have your show of hands now, Howard." "Excellent, Barry." "Excellent!" "Yeah." "Who says there isn't passion in politics, eh?" "Thank you, Barry." "Yeah." "Right, those in favour?" "And those against?" "One vote out." "Close." "'Going to take you back to 1981 now." "'Kim Wilde.'" "It's going to get dirty." "I like a fight, me." " You were brilliant." " I might have gone a bit far." "And, Tess, you can't keep being late." "So late!" "How does it look?" "I'm sorry, I took my watch off, cos it pinches, and forgot." "Well, get a longer strap, for heaven's sake!" " How's tricks, Sukhvinder?" " Oh, she can't hear you, she's got her music on." "Honestly, if I didn't drag her out with me, she'd just mope in her room." "I literally drag her or she'd just sit inside all day." "Come on!" "Take those bloody headphones off!" "Sukhvinder!" "She doesn't mean to be sharp, you know?" " I was very late." "Are you all right?" " Have you got revision?" "Are you all right?" "You don't look very well." "HE SIGHS Had a few beers last night, now I've got a thumping hangover." " Can't take the pace." " I know." "Three sips of Cava, I think I can twerk, four sips, I'm passed out, dribbling on the carpet." "I used to be fun." "Hey, you are fun." "SHE LAUGHS." "Barry?" "'Yes, it Garble FM." "You are listening to the '80s Hour.'" "The Whole Of The Moon by The Waterboys." "Hmm." "Hmm." "'Hi, this is Barry Fairbrother." "So, please, leave a message.'" "It's only Uncle Barry." "It's not him." "Sit down." "Just be normal." " All right, lads?" "Are you done?" " Hi." " When did you get here?" " Woke up early." "I hate to tell you this, but your... your wheel's buckled." "Yeah, that was me." "Oh!" " And where's your bike?" " Got stolen." "Oh, shit!" "Oops!" "I didn't say that." " You can't ride a girl's bike, Paul." " Well, Dad..." "Dad said it was just short-term." "He's sorting out another one." "Poor old Phineus... always gets the cock." "I did not say that either." "BOY LAUGHS." "Bad uncle." "Oh, should I have worn a hat?" "You look better with a hat." "Bloody hell!" "If it was just the worthy doctor, no-one would care." "Yes, well, she's not popular." "It's him, he believes in things." "Oh, well, we all believe in things." "We all have to put back in." "I mean, Aubrey gives... tirelessly." "Gives, gives, gives." "And I do fun runs." "Well, not personally, but I know people who do." "What a lovely place." "All you ever hear is people moaning about jobs " ""No jobs, need jobs" - well, there's jobs in a hotel." "I know someone whose niece does nail art and eyebrows in a spa, but I suppose not everyone wants to work." "Hit the nail there, right on the head." "The curse of having some do-gooding bloody ancestor!" "That legacy is a millstone." "He never... he never thought about the Sweetloves who inherited." "Do you have any idea how expensive it is to heat this place?" "Julia and I have to live on scraps." " Well, that's ghastly." " Bloody selfish!" "But you can be very clever with leftovers." "I have some recipes - ever so tasty." " Hmm." "My Shirley's casserole, you'll weep with joy." " Oh!" "Oh, Howard!" "Come on, dear, cut through." "Come on, Mollison, use your influence, man." "Flex the parochial muscle." " Thank you." " Bring me good news next time." " I will." "Yes, thank you." "In fact, no need to come out, you must be so busy, so just an e-mail to the housekeeper will suffice." "I think the car's this way, wasn't it?" "Oh, perhaps not." "This way." "Mind that." "What a charming couple though." "You... you fancy a summer job?" "Yeah." "Doing what?" "Sprucing this place up a bit, the whole thing, inside and out." "It might not be here." "Might all be flats or something." "Over my dead body, Andrew." " What do you think?" " Yeah, great." "You..." "You and Paul all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "That's all right, then." "No, we'll have a blast this summer, me and me homies." "Fo' shizzle." "That's woeful." " See you later." " Yeah, see you later." " Thanks, Uncle Barry!" " No worries!" "Oh, no!" "Dearie me." "What happened here, then?" " Huh?" " He did it." "It was an accident, it was." "Right, right." "Well, if it was an accident." "Right." "Well, ask me, Paul." "Can I have my bike back, please, Dad?" "You may have your bike back... when you stop being a little girl." "Till then, this is what you ride everywhere." "So everyone can see, so everyone knows." "Huh?" "Clumsy prick." "What are you?" "I'm a clumsy prick." "Huh." "How many times did I call you?" "I'm so sorry." "I had my phone on silent." " I put a balloon in the fridge." " Oh, no!" "That took some doing." "It had a mind of its own." " I'm such a crap husband." " Yes, but it's all right because I'm excellent." "I'll get a shirt out for you." "Well, it's probably a choice between the foie gras or the mini chorizo." "Oh, God!" "Barry." "Mum's livid with him." "Is she?" "I'll buy him a drink." "Fuck it, I'll buy him his dinner." " Hmm." " Three courses and cheese." "Might even give him a handjob." "Mary, I want to give the boys a key to the house." " Why?" " So they can come if they want to." "There's... something going on." "I've heard you asking if they're all right in that meaningful way" " and they always tell you that they are." " Well, they're not." " They're too quiet." " They're moody teenagers!" "They're at the age where they just grunt." "Well, I'm..." " I'm giving them a key." " Give them a key, then." "Why are you even asking me?" "Give Terri Weedon a key." "Why do we even have a lock?" "Let them all sodding move in!" "Always trying to be the hero!" "Always trying to..." "Barry?" "Help me!" "Barry!" " Somebody help me!" " What's wrong?" " Barry!" "Oh, God!" "Barry!" "What have you done?" "Oh!" "Barry?" "!" ""Hi, boys, this is Candice, and I'm your option number two."" "What?" "Yeah, this is my brother." "My half-brother." "Same mum, different dads." "She weren't a slag, mind." "But, yeah, this is him." "We did everything we could." "I'm so very sorry." "Don't be." "We never really got on." "Did we?" "Huh?" "Good luck, yeah?" "I'll be outside the gates." "Give us a kiss." "Mother!" "Shaming me." "Gaia, don't suck your teeth, yeah?" "Thanks!" "Love you, too!" "Oi, look, it's the deputy head." "Oh, God!" "Look!" "Look at them." " Ignore them, Colin." " I've got no authority left." "You do, natural authority." "You're completely fine." "They're probably doing wanker at me." "Just breathe, think about something nice." " Let me out." " Stuart!" " Let me out here." " That's so dangerous!" "MAN SIGHS Deal with your son!" " All right?" " Fats." "This is different." "Been a while since... we were invited." "Where's he going?" "Probably to the loo?" " I'll make some tea." " I..." "I don't want anything." " Oh, you must have something." " Why?" "'There are striking similarities 'between Landseer and Fitzgerald's depictions 'of the transformed Bottom.'" "How much did this set him back?" "This the... sort you can get Internet on?" "I'd like it if you both left." "Yeah, of course." "I've got to ring the school and get the boys home anyway, so..." " Simon?" " Huh?" "It's the shock." "Call me if you need anything." " Ruth!" "Come on, Ruth." " I'm so sorry." " I ain't got all day." "How has he got a telly like that, huh?" "Remember to breathe, be confident!" "This is your final exam..." "THEY CHATTER." "So, only a few more hours to go..." "Oh, that is disgusting." "I know." "Degrading for the lady, who looks like someone's mum..." "Thankfully not mine, or yours." "Degrading for me cos I've watched it about 30 times." "Fats, you need a therapist." "I need sex, Arf." "Actual, real, proper sex." "You're going to me proud, most importantly, you are going to do yourselves proud." "CHEERING AND UPROAR." "Krystal?" "Krystal!" "Where is your uniform?" "Up my minge." "Calm down." "Krystal?" "Calm down, please." "What have I just been saying?" "Sir, can I go toilet?" "I'm bursting." "In a minute." "Need to crack one out before this exam." "I can't keep wanking like this." "The muscles in my forearm have gone deformed." "Feel!" " You're a mutant." " I know." "Oh, shit." "No, what does he want?" "The epic bell end." "He's crying!" "Sir, are you crying?" "Get out, you bloody girl, get out!" "Mr Meacher, get that girl out!" "Fuck off, you crying twat." "Krystal, come on, out." " Andrew?" " I didn't do anything." "Andrew Price." "Yeah." "Andrew, can you... come down, please?" "Your husband's a dickhead!" "I feel heart sorry for you," "Miss Wall, I do, right, cos you married a proper nob!" "He talks to me like that again, I'll belt him, give him something to cry about, the spunk-bubble dick!" "I bet he ain't even got a dick, crying like a girl." "Ain't my fault he's a twat!" " Don't shout at me, please." " Ain't fuckin' shouting at you!" " And, please, don't swear." " Ain't fuckin' swearing'!" "Ain't fair." "Everyone was laughing, so it ain't fair that he picks on me." "Krystal, a friend of ours died last night." "Mr Wall is very upset." "People die all the time." "So what?" "It was Andrew's uncle." "What?" "Mr Fairbrother?" "Oh, Krystal, I'm so sorry." "I didn't think, I'm so sorry." "I forgot." "Oh, I am so sorry, Krystal." "More to do with Mum than me." "I am just..." "I am just in a state myself..." "Are we havin' my session or what?" "Cos that's the reason I come in..." "For the poxy maths and my session, so we doin' it, or what?" "Yes, Krystal, we're doing your session." "Just give me a moment." "Christ, this hurts." "Who's swearing now?" "If we're being specific, I'm not swearing, I'm blaspheming." "Same difference." "I got a cake for us, as it's our last chat together." "Set you up for your exam." "Changed my mind, can't be arsed." "All this talking shit is bollocks anyway." "I'm glad it's over." "I'll have the cake." "Krystal?" "Turn your papers over... and, using a black pen, write your surname and your other names at the top of the paper." "Oh, no." "These kids..." "Go away, will you?" "Field kids, little sods." "Just go away." "Get out of here." "I'll get our parents to come in." " It's the parents I blame - junkies." " Fat twat." ""Fat twat"?" "You call me fat, look at yourself." "This is what I'm trying to save us from." "The ruination of Pagford, Mo, in a nutshell." "He's dead!" " Who?" " What?" "What shall we do without him, huh?" "Oh, sad day, Sam." "Danish?" "Doughnut?" "No, you are all right, Howard." "It's unbelievable." "I can't believe it!" "So full of life and, you know..." "Miles, your father is heading straight for you and I know exactly what he wants..." "And I'm warning you, don't you bloody dare say yes." "Do you hear me?" "Don't you dare." "Sad day, sad day..." "Grow a pair for once in your life!" "Oh, Miles, dear boy." "Sad day, terrible day." "I'm ever so busy, Dad." "You got to eat, Miles." "Mummy's putting something on the website, condolences, you know." " Well, that's erm... - 40?" "!" " .. that's good." "40?" "!" "That is tragic." "It's tragic." "Poor Mary." "Your heart bleeds, you know." "Yes." "But life goes on, life must go on, and we have a situation." "Do we?" "We have a casual vacancy." "A councilor is dead, right?" "The council is not quorate." "We must be quorate." "Now, you should stand." "I mean, man of your status." "What?" "My son, a Mollison." "The election's no problem, you know." "Shoo-in, you know." "All over, bar the shouting, eh?" "So you'll stand?" "But, Dad, I've got so much to do." "I have got all of Barry's clients," "I've got my own, I have got Sam and the kids." " I wouldn't have the time, I can't..." " Oh, they're doing so well." "Apples of my eye, my granddaughters." "Fees through the roof, of course, that's crippling." "I mean, those fees!" "Ouch!" "They're worth every penny." "Education." "Best start in life." "Only the very best for my granddaughters." "You know..." "You don't have to do anything." "All you've got to do is raise your hand and vote." "You-you leave the rest to your old dad." "Good boy, you are a good boy, you always have been." "It's so dreadful to die in public like that." "Oh, isn't it awful?" "And I didn't think anyone would have had the time to phone you and that's so impersonal, isn't it?" "A phone call?" "Always better to get such appalling news in person." "Yes." "Well, I'll let you get on." "You've got a big queue outside." "Always so busy, rushing around." "Terri?" "Terri Weedon?" "Hello?" "Terri Weedon?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Terri?" "Terri." "I'm Kaye Bawden." "I'm your new social worker." "Let's get some light in here, shall we?" "Wha...?" "Let's make a start, shall we?" "Here we go." "One arm." " No arms." " That one." "You are a good boy, aren't you, Robbie, eh?" "You must be Krystal." "Who the fuck are you?" "I'm Kaye." "I'm your new social worker." "Where's the other bitch?" "Signed off with stress?" " It says that Robbie should be in reception class." " He is." " He's a bit old for nappies." " He don't need 'em." "He just needs to be reminded to go or he has an accident   them at little school know that." "He don't need 'em - it's her." " Oh." "And your mum's on a programme?" "How's that working out?" "Oh, I think we can say with overwhelming confidence that it's working out very positively for the family unit." "All agencies are optimistic." "I will have to report this to my supervisor." "Go on, then, report it." "Door's that way." "Piss off." "I'll be in touch." " Bye." " Bye, Robbie." "Robbie." "Stay here." "One thing you had to do for me today, one simple thing, get him to school, and you couldn't even do that." " He'll get taken now." " Get off." " Pleased with yourself?" " Cow!" "And I'll tell you something else..." "Mr Fairbrother's dead." "Mm?" "How's that?" "It's not even going in, is it?" "You scabby, useless sack of shit." "You bitch!" "That nice, Rob?" "Hey." "What you doing now, Gaia?" "I'm going home, Stuart." "I'm going to skin up." "Got to get myself in the right frame of mind for the parents." "It's good stuff." "Skunk." "I cordially invite you to join me in contemplation of the infinite." "Didn't your mate get some bad news today?" "Shouldn't you be checking he's all right?" "Yeah, I would, but we're not girls." "And it's Fats." "Those in my intimate circle call me Fats." "That's nice, Stuart." "I've got to go back to the office." " Who's that?" " White boy." "I hear that." " Was he clean?" " He smelt of shampoo." "Was there food in the house?" "Yeah." "Was he hurt?" "No." "So, how does this qualify as an emergency?" "The mother was gouched out, insensible." "There was a dirty sharp within the boy's reach." "I mean, how he didn't get hold of it..." "Her keeping custody is based on her getting clean." " Is it the worst house you've been in?" " No." "And it's not the worst we've got, not by a long chalk." "I wouldn't send you to the worst we've got." "Robbie's attendance at school is pretty good." "He's improving." "I still think he should be removed." "We've got to lose another three million from our budget." "You know how much it costs to remove a child." "The daughter copes." "Robbie stays." "Not every case is Rosie Frankham." "Excuse me?" "Manage the situation." "I'm sorry, but I must get on." "Two minutes, yeah?" "Just like that?" "In the road?" "Yeah." "The fucking road." "One minute there... and then... oof." "Just proves, you know... that it's all... sex and death." "I mean, it's all there is." "And music." "Yeah." "But mainly sex." "Cos, like, when it comes... right... death, your last thought is never, ever going to be," ""I wish I had done less shagging."" "So..." "Got to live, now." "Yeah... got to live." "Why are you still here?" "Excellent." "I'll get the ball rolling." " You've got a real chance here, Colin." " A chance?" "What?" "I'll let him fill you in, but it's good news." " Fill me in on what?" " Well, Parminder thinks I should stand for the parish council..." " for Barry's seat." " And you've agreed?" "It seems I have." "Parminder, listen, Colin can't do this, he's not the right person." "He's perfect." "Gold standard." "Got the right reputation." " Managerial, responsible." "Look what he's done with this school, from special measures to outstanding." "Yes, but it's made him, well, listen..." "You know he can get rather anxious?" "We're all bloody anxious, Tess!" "Howard's putting up his son." "That..." "lump!" "They have to be stopped." "We have to stop them." " Yes, but Colin..." " Colin is a compelling candidate." "I'll call you tomorrow, we'll get the campaign going." "He's not even buried and you're jumping in his grave." "The parish shitting council?" "!" "Why can't you stand up for yourself?" "Miles?" "Tits!" "Miles!" "Be a man!" "Grab a handful!" "Go on!" "Come on them!" "I'm going to watch the news." "Simon?" "Simon?" "What is this?" "This..." "This is what I'm owed, what I'm due." "How much did it cost?" "We can't afford this..." "This didn't come from no shop, no." " It's stolen?" " Sticking it to the man." "But, Simon, we can't afford..." "Stop your bleating, woman, huh?" "You, get a knife, open that box." "I'll get it." "Where do you think you are going?" "Huh?" "And did I say sit down?" "Well, I can't back out now." "I mean, how would it look?" "What would everyone think?" "Oh, Colin..." "I'm sure it'll be fine." "You'll be fine." "You'll be brilliant." "Well, you're always saying we should do more together as a couple." "Go us!" "Go us." "Go us." "Go us." "Can you smell something?" "I think I can smell cannabis." "If he's smoking pot..." "I can't smell it." "I did get some different bleach for the loo, it's probably that." " You will help me, though, won't you?" " Of course." "I mean, I think it's fitting, taking Barry's place." "Continuing with his work." "Night-night." "Night." "Jesus." "Saint "Bloody" Barry." "I'm going to stand for election." "You are?" "Yeah." "Get on the council." "Be like falling off a log." "Sympathy vote." "Saint Barry's brother." "They're all getting their palms greased - now they'll have to grease mine." "Huh?" "Councilor Simon Price." "What, Pizza Face?" "Everyone knows you're not Barry." "Simon, please, he didn't mean it!" "Shall I squeeze that, then, for you, shall I?" "Bloody hell, how much pus can one person have in their face?" "It's disgusting." "It's like you've got leprosy or something." "I try to do something nice..." "I don't know why I bother." " Krys." " Obbo." "Them boxes in our place yours?" "Interim measure." "They won't be there long." " You paid my mum, yeah?" " I helped her out." "It's not helping, though, is it?" "She asked me." "I can't say no." "Use someone else's house for your fucking TVs." "There's plenty of others using." "Leave her out of it." "You know, if you didn't cake all that shit on your face, you'd be a pretty girl." "Here, Krys, come on." "Don't be like that." "The Riverboat Song by Ocean Colour Scene." "Police." "Oh..." "What's happening?" "What is it?" "I can't run any more, I'm so sleepy." "Oh, no, please, I have to rest for just a minute." "Toto?" "Where's Toto?" "Look at this." "I'm overwhelmed." "All these kind words." "They've made up for what has been a truly rubbish day, so thank you, and there's to be an election to take my place." "Now, come on, Pagford, did you think I wouldn't have something to say about this?" "Of course I do." "A little thing like death isn't going to hold me back." "But what am I going to say and when am I going to say it?" "You'll know, when I'm ready." "It's impossible to keep secrets in this place, isn't it?" "Oh, you'd surprised, Pagford." "Everyone's got skeletons rattling in their cupboard." "Everyone's got something." "I am the ghost of Barry Fairbrother... and I am watching you." "Smiley with a wink!" "Tick-tock, tick-tock, clock's ticking, Pagford." "I'm... going to go upstairs." "I'm going to put on some music..." "You wait till you hear the music." ""Good morning, Pagford."" ""I know I've kept you waiting, but today's the day."" "The Deadwood Stage by Doris Day." ""Seems appropriate somehow, doesn't it?"" ""My funeral, so it's all about me, but I'm not selfish."" ""I can share the spotlight with someone else."" "Just get a bastard move on!" "Andrew?" "Get yourself down here!" "Just doing my tie." ""But who?" "And what could I know that you all don't?"" ""Oh, you should all be looking over your shoulders, Pagford."" ""But today is for someone very special to me."" ""One of my would-be successors."" ""The man with the right tools for the job."" "God, you're worse than them!" "I'm just checking..." "There's nothing yet." "It's a wind-up!" "Who d'you think it is?" "Well..." "No-one!" "Someone." "No-one to bother about." "Trolls, ha-ha!" "No vision." "Not like you, eh?" "You've got vision." "Big Match Temperament!" " "Howard?"" " Eh?" " Choo-doo-doo!" " "Come on, we'll be late."" "But what if he says something about me?" "200 hits?" "!" "Cor, bugger me down dead!" "I bet it's one of Fairbrother's tribe." "Some wet liberal vegetarian with a Ouija board." "Ghosts, hah!" "Whoever it is, they're no match for you, Howard." " Hm?" " I'm nothing without you." "What if he says something about me?" "Something damaging?" "Something ugly?" "Colin, what could possibly be said about you that's damaging or ugly?" "Well, it could be something I... don't even know about..." "That doesn't even make sense." " My throat's closing up." " Come on." "It had better not be you... the ghost." "It had just better not." "Mumsy, there aren't enough minutes in my life to give a solitary crap about this election." "Come on, dawdling, dragging me down!" "Right, I want you to put one of these in every single order of service and the hymn books as well." "Come on." "Right, get on with it." "Oi, Ruth - glasses." "Come on, hurry up." "Terri, are you going to get up?" "This really isn't fair for you to leave everything to Krystal, is it?" "You're wasting your breath." "He don't like fruit." "Stick it in the fridge." "It'll be rotten in a few hours, it'll be yoghurt." "So, your mum's had no other relapses?" "That's positive." "Means she's trying." "Well, she ain't got a choice." "Bloke what knocks it out round here got banged up." " That's handy." " Mm, I suppose." "What about you, Krystal?" " What about me?" " What's your plan?" "A course?" "Apprenticeship?" " You got a daughter, yeah?" " Mm-hm." "Same school as me." "What's she going to do." " A levels an' that?" "Sixth form, yeah." "Mm." "Worry about her, then... don't worry about me." " I'm here to help." " You want to help?" "Stop talking bollocks." "You really want to help, bring UHT milk   it keeps better than real." " OK." "UHT." "Got it." "Till next time, yeah?" "Mm, counting' the hours." "You're only wearing that to annoy the Mollisons." "No, I'm not, because that would be puerile." " That looks comfy." " Gorgeous colours!" " Thank you." "Showing your waist at your age, you are brave!" " You've just been owned." "By a granny." " Shut up, Vikram." "Shoulders!" ""Come on, put them away."" "Will you put them sodding things away?" "!" "Girls." " Look at him, who's he think he is, Top Gun?" " Hmm." "Loser!" " It will just be him against us." " Ah, yes." "Not a chance." "Look at him." "Look at the state he's in." "Can't take the pace." "Hm." "Weighs a... bastard tonne!" "Cheeky little sod!" "I'm hungry!" "Want a banana!" "Beautiful service, Samantha." "Such a comfort to everyone." " Did they come for the stock from the shop?" " They did." "That's good news." "A weight from all our shoulders." "Well, don't dwell, dear." "The best way to deal with failure is to learn from it." "So I'm told." "Set your sights a bit lower." "Concentrate on what you're best at." "It's never too late to find out what that might be." "We have but a short time to live." "Like a flower, we blossom and then wither." "Like a shadow, we flee and never stay." "In the midst of life, we are in death." "We have entrusted our brother, Barry, to God's mercy." "And we now commit his body to the ground." "Earth to earth... ashes to ashes, dust to dust... in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ..." "Amen." "Amen." "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us evermore." "Amen." "Amen." " Arf." " Fats." "Samantha Mollison's got the most amazing arse, you ever noticed that?" "The way I feel right now, I could sort old Shirley out." "I got a massive boner in the church." "What?" "It's a recognised phenomenon." "Eros and Thanatos." "Sex and Death." "Grief gives you the raging horn - both men and females." "Even Mary." "You put the touch on her now, you could do what you wanted." "I mean, she'd probably be crying, but, you know, still do what you wanted." "She's my auntie." "Well, I'm just sayin'." " Oh, um..." "Mr Price?" " Leaving so soon?" "I'm a working man." "I've got a shift." "And that, Howard, is what makes me stand out in this election " "I'm a grafter." " Oh." " Providing for my family." "You know, no... silver spoon in my mouth, no privilege, just school of hard knocks." "We thought you might have heard about the message." "Yes, from the ghost, um..." "We're sure it's not true." "But nonetheless, stolen goods, criminal activities, you know?" "We just got told, Betty's got one of these... tablet, clever thingies, but I..." "I don't get on with them at all, I-I-I get all of a dither, but..." ""Watch your pockets when old Simon is on the prowl, he'll..." ""He'll pilfer anything he can get his grubby mitts on"?" "We have to think about electoral procedure." "Let the villains stay in Westminster, eh?" "We of the grassroots must be beyond reproach." "What?" "What the..." "It's all lies." "I'm being smeared." "I'm a victim of smear." "Oh, isn't it awful?" "It's such a shame after you had all those lovely flyers printed." "All right, get in the car." "Now!" " Wow!" "What is it?" " It's a digger." "Aw!" "Say, "Thank you, Mr Fairbrother"." "Thank you, Mr Fairbrother." " My pleasure, Robbie." " Oh, look at that!" "Now, you stay in there and be good, OK?" "How's Andrew, he seem all right to you?" "He's Arf." "He's... enigmatic." "He's in love." " Is he?" " Mm." "New girl." "Black girl." " He's so bang in love with her." " He tell you that, did he?" "Nah, it's just obvious." "And we don't talk that much now." "You were thick as thieves once upon a time." "Mm, that was little school." "Everything changes when you go up from little school." "So you..." "You are going to school?" "Now and then I pop in." "Grace 'em with my presence, lucky bastards." " You down for any exams?" " Yeah, 14" " Latin, Greek and all sorts." "No." "Reckon I might jack it for good." " Oi!" "You're not going to do that." " Why aren't I?" "I want you to finish school." "Up!" "You can do one exam." "Ah..." "Maths." "Tell them you want to sit maths." "But I don't." "Mrs Wall will help you through it, keep you on the straight, huh?" "You like her." "She's mental, got to be." "Just sat there listening to my shit." "Just do one exam, Krystal." "Doesn't matter what mark you get, and then, when you're done... you can come 'ere and we can talk about your apprenticeship." "A job?" "Here?" "I... can't do anything." "Well, you budget your money." "Look after Robbie and yourself..." "Only just." "Yeah, you'll be learning." "Eyes and ears open and that big cakehole of yours shut." "And no effing and jeffing." "Just running errands, making yourself useful, huh?" "What about him, like, picking him up from school and holidays?" "Oh, Robbie!" "Don't matter about that." "Yeah, we'll..." "We'll work around his school hours." "You'd start September." "And Mum?" "We just have to stick to what we're doing." "Well, the rest's up to her, but..." "you need to live your life." "Go to school, do your exam... and until then, this is between us." "Then if you change your mind, only us'd know." "Think about it." "Would I have my own desk?" "Oh..." "Oh, the, uh, the job... it comes with a desk." ""All right, Krystal?"" "Yeah." "So... you... hooked up with anyone right now?" " What's it to you?" " Wondering if I've got a chance." "What?" "!" " You never talk to me in school." " Well, that's school." "Don't want an audience if I'm going to get a knock-back." "I'm sensitive." "But I've always liked you." "So... can we hook up?" "I'll see you around then." "The garage is stuffed with loo rolls from your work." "What about them?" "Shut up, woman!" "Well, who'd do this to us?" "The only people who knew about this are in this house." "Was it you, blabbing?" "Or you, gobbing off to your mates?" "Well, w-w-who'd you buy it from?" "That bastard, Obbo, he's never bloody liked me!" "Well, we have to get rid of it." "We can't do it now, somebody'll be bloody watching!" "We'll have to hide it." "All the cables, the whole lot of it, under your bed." "Go on, hide it." "Yeah, but what if the police come round?" "If they've read about this at work..." "It's just the excuse they need, huh?" "If they've read about this, I'm finished, I'm done." "I'm over." "Right..." "You, get some filler, fill these holes in a-and clear this mess up." "And hide that, OK?" " Eh..." " I'd better get ready for work." "Mum." "If anyone comes asking, all right, I'll deal with it." " We don't know what they're talking about." " Right." ""I wonder if any of his colleagues know he nicked stuff"" ""from work on a regular basis."" ""Bog rolls, paper reams... now he's dealing in dodgy tellies."" ""Might be a bit much to call him a criminal mastermind, but hey -"" ""everyone's got to start somewhere."" ""So, ladies, gents, the good, the noble, the..."" ""You make it impossible for me to breathe!"" ""So, ladies, gents, the good..."" ""the noble, the true of Pagford..."" ""it's a two-horse race,"" ""except one of them's a bit of a seaside donkey."" ""And who is this long-eared little guy with an expression of woe?"" ""Why, it's Miles Mollison."" "He's on our side... the ghost." ""Poor Miles."" ""He's like a ventriloquist's dummy sat on Howard's lap " "" "Yes, Dad, no, Dad, three bags full, Dad."" ""Miles doesn't dare fart unless Howard and Shirley tell him he can."" "Come on, budge up, let's have a look." "I could do with a laugh." ""I'm racking my brains to think of something, anything,"" ""that Miles does for himself, and there's nothing."" "Great loyalty skills, you two." "It's good to know you've got your father's back." ""No!" "Wait" " I've got one."" ""Off his own bat, Miles is cultivating"" ""a really stonking pair of man boobs."" ""Vote Mini-Me Mollison." "Vote Moobs!"" "Ah, there you are, young lady, sit yourself down." "Best handwriting now!" "Hello, Andrew." "Tasty, is it?" "It says here you have to have... previous experience." "Lie." " I'll tell you what to put." " It's her!" "Dr Jawanda... the ghost." "Saying terrible things about Miles." " It's her!" " C-Can you prove it?" "No, but give her enough rope..." "Oh, I'll see her choke!" "I won't take much of your precious time." "I just need some of my ointment." " Aah..." " OK, that does look painful." "Yeah, yes..." "It's a side effect of all those pills, you know." "No, it's a side effect of being overweight." " Rude, you are." " Fact." "I'd like you to get on the scales and I need to take your blood pressure." "No!" "I can't be bothered!" "We're both busy people, especially you." "Very busy bee, you are." "What's that supposed to mean?" " How's your diet?" " Oh, it's good, all good food, good quality, you know?" " Yeah." " Exercise?" "I don't stop from dawn to dusk." "Let's not make this complicated." " Ointment, please, huh?" "Then we can both get on." "Thank you, Dr Jawanda." "Hmm." "You just took an emergency appointment." "They're meant for people who are seriously ill." "This was not an emergency." "It was to me." "Tatty-bye, then." "Be good, and if you can't be good, be careful." "You can never be too careful." "Bye-bye." "Mm..." "Hello, Miles." "Uh..." "It's all soft and pink... and sweet." "Mmm..." "Oh..." "Come on." "Come on." "You want the marshmallow?" "Fetch the marshmallow." "I'm drowning." "You're a drowning pirate and I'm a... a horny mermaid." "No, I am actually drowning." "I mean... not actually, it just feels..." "You know?" "That's the most honest thing you've said to me in years." "I'm getting man boobs." "You've got a long way to go before your rack's as good as mine." "D'you know what I think?" "That we should have a few people over for dinner." "Hm?" "Just leave everything to me." "Breaking bread with the enemy now, are we?" "You are way too involved in this." "There's a principle at stake here." "It's impossible to be too involved." "There'll be tears before bedtime." "Ooh, look at me, getting a lecture in principles from a man who gives new tits and tummy tucks to the wives of Russian oligarchs!" "Well, it pays for all this." "Come on, Sinbad, there's a good boy, come on." "Oh..." "Right, come on." "If you look on the wall, he's one of them and I urge you to vote for him." "I'll leave you some leaflets and perhaps you'd like..." " Hi, there." " I'll pick him up in a bit." "I got... clean pants and trousers just in case he has an accident." "Bye, Robbie!" "Krystal!" "I wanted to speak to you at the funeral, but you just disappeared, how are you?" "All right, why wouldn't I be?" "Well, don't rush off, have a coffee or something." "Don't mean to be rude, Miss Wall, but all that, when we used to have coffee and biscuits and talk to me like we were tight... that's back then, that's done." " Well, you know where I am." " What for?" "Sorry, sorry." "Late, late, late!" "I'm catching it off you!" "It's a massive house." " And they've got a swimming pool." " And a vineyard." " Oh, lucky them." " Their parents will be there." " And it's France, the Languedoc, our friends." " Friends we can talk to." "We don't know anybody here." " Who are we supposed to talk to for the whole summer?" " Me and Dad." " Why are you being so mean?" " Because I AM mean." "I'm mean and I'm bitter and I'm selfish and cruel." "I am the mother from hell and I'm going to ruin your lives because I LOVE IT!" "Mwah-hah-hah-ha!" "Now, I can turn the embarrassing parent thing up so much higher," "I haven't even got started yet." "So drop this subject, because the answer is no." "Me and Dad don't see anything of you in term time, holidays is when we get to be a family." " Posh bitches." " The end." ""Chin up, Stephanie."" ""Nice and high."" ""Very good!"" "Arf..." "I was... going to say something earlier, but I never, cos..." "I dunno, I just never, but..." "It's bad, yeah?" " About Mr Fairbrother." " Yeah." "Shh!" "He had, like, a bleed in his brain." "Yeah." "Well, I just wanted to say it's shit." "Like, proper shit, cos..." " Mr Fairbrother, he was... all right." " Yeah." "Cheers, Krystal." "Just don't spaff on me, right, cos these are clean on." "Bit keen." "Lucky I don't want a conversation, ain't it?" "Shh!" "Oh, my God..." "You're amazing!" "Yeah, all lads say that after they've just jizzed." "What?" "Ring my father and complain." " Fats, you didn't?" " Yes, I did." "Colin is going to go feral." "Look at those shoes, Rob!" "Oh!" "I want the card." " I want the card for the money." " You ain't having' it." "Well, it's my money, it's my card, it's my benefit." "You ain't having' it." "Aah!" "Fuck off and die." "You fucking bitch!" "You fuck off and die!" "You...!" "What d'you think you're playing at?" "The library rang you, then?" "Stuart, please tell me they've made a mistake, you'd never DREAM of doing something like that!" "Oh, he did it all right, in the philosophy section!" "Kierkegaard is dripping with ejaculate!" "Mumsy, Colin is absolutely correct." "I was vigorously masturbated, and it was intensely pleasurable." "By Krystal Weedon..." "Bloody..." "Krystal..." "Weedon!" "That's right." "Krystal Weedon... from The Fields estate, who you claim to care about so much." " Stuart, don't you dare." " Oh..." "Is that what I think it is?" " Stuart!" " I said..." "I said it was cannabis!" "This is you protecting him, lying for him, undermining me." "I said that I could smell cannabis, you said it was Toilet Duck!" "I knew." "This is my house and while you're under my roof you will abide by my rules!" "D-Did Krystal Weedon give you these drugs?" " She gave him these drugs!" " I bought them all on my own." " Well, put it out." " Do it." "Be honest, for once in your life, Colin." " You're an animal, Colin." "Do it!" " Stop it, stop it!" "Both of you, stop!" "For God's sake!" "What are you doin'?" " What is wrong with you?" "!" " I'm on a quest for authenticity." "Hah!" " What does that even mean?" " I'm casting off the yoke of... claustrophobic, middle-class, liberal principles." "He wants to hurt us." "Colin, you are a crypto-fascist control freak." "He's not a control freak or a crypto-fascist." ""My house." "My roof." "My rules."" "Deal with your son." "Stuart, I am appalled by what you've done." "And who I've done it with." "But there's nothing you can say or do." "Krystal and I are together." "I see." "Then you listen to me." "You be careful with that girl." "Oh, Mumsy." "Are you scared she'll lead me astray?" "You're not as big and clever as you think you are, Stuart." "You be careful with Krystal." "She's vulnerable." ""Everything I've done for him and this is what I get!"" " "Colin..." - "No, just..."" ""What?"" ""Just answer me this logical question -"" ""what if the governors, what if Ofsted..."" ""Ofsted?" "!" "Colin, you're always..." "Colin, please, calm down."" ""The truth about Colin Wall."" ""Mild-mannered, wheezing hypochondriac Colin"" ""who panics if he has to change a light bulb"" ""in case he electrocutes innocent bystanders..."" ""You all know Colin, right?" "The man's a degenerate."" ""A glutton for the fleshpots."" ""An amoral jackal with an insatiable appetite for depravity."" ""You want Pagford to sink into a mire of unbridled filth, do you?"" ""Is that what you want?" "Because that's what'll happen"" ""if you vote for Colin Wall." "I am the ghost of Barry Fair..."" "Oh, come on, don't be such a girl about it." " It was funny." " It wasn't." "Well, actually, it was, but whatever." "It got taken down right after I wrote it." " I reckon old Shirley must've been up all night." " I deleted it." "You?" "Have you hacked it?" "I knew it was you, doing the ghost!" "If you've hacked it, we can have a proper laugh with it." " No." " Why have you turned into the fun police?" "Stay out of it, Fats." "I mean it." " Don't dick about." " All right!" "Sense of humour failure there, Arf." "Personality prolapse, my friend." "Good luck!" "With what, Stuart?" "The job, Gaia." "The job." "Nice shirt, by the way, you look like a right tit." "Where's Krystal live?" "Well, hi." "I don't like people coming to my house." "Well, I'm here now." "Aren't you going to invite me in?" "Quick, up the stairs." "Hurry up!" "Come on, go, go, go." "Come on!" "Oh, my God, is this Mum's?" " Don't..." " This is my mum's." "She's been looking for that for ages." "I... found it." "Possession is nine-tenths of the law." "Which makes it yours." "Leave that, Fats." ""Happy Birthday, Darling Barry." ""Love you, M." Kiss." "What the hell is all this crap?" "I told you." "I... found it." "So, er, they know about us." "My mum and dad." "What they say?" "Well, Colin..." "No, I know what Mr Wall'll say." "Thinks I'm going to rock up at his doorstep with a sprog and he'll have to pay for it." "He's a drone." "A slave." "Your mum, though." "What's she say?" "Why's it matter?" "It don't." "Just asking." "Know what she would do if you did get pregnant?" "Turn the upstairs into, like, a nursery." "Mother and baby suite." "Come with you to all the scans." "Hold your hand as you were pushing it out. "My grandchild!"" "On the sofa, cosy chats, tea and toast and getting cross with the news, like it matters a fuck... then you too would be suffocating in bourgeois mendacity." "What we talking about babies for?" "Who says I'm going to shag you?" "Come and lie down with me." "You come over here to me." "I'll tell you what she did say." ""You be careful with that girl." "She's vulnerable."" "Right." "I didn't tell her what you really are." "What's that?" "Authentic." "I try my best, but some days are better than others." "I just hope I can keep up the positivity." "Good for you." "Terri?" "Would you like to speak?" "Anything you'd like to share?" "No." "No." "She's so elegant." "Delightful couple, the Sweetloves." "We're really very close." "Don't you think it's unfair, Granny?" "About France?" "Well, I must say it does sound lovely, the Languedoc." "All we need are the tickets and some spending money." " And Dad's going to be so busy with the election." " Yeah." "If Mum was thinking straight, she'd let us go." "But she's just not thinking straight." "No, well..." "But then..." "Girls, you're not being fair to your mother." "She does her very best." "You're to be kind." " Please, talk to Grampy." " Please." "Oh, all right." "But you're going to get me into a lot of trouble, you know." " Honestly, I'm twisted right round your little fingers, aren't I?" " Mmm." "Who's invited to this dinner party, then?" "If I'm going to be ambushed, I'd prefer to be sober." "If I was going to ambush you, I'd just do it." "I wouldn't go to all the pain in the arse trouble of cooking, so stop being such a narky cow and have some bloody wine." "Right, then." "This bloody election." "This vote on Sweetlove House." "You're all involved with it." "Now, what difference would it make if it wasn't there, if everything was moved to town?" " Why shouldn't it be a boutique hotel and spa?" " Actually..." "No, don't tell me, Parminder." "Personally, I love a spa." "Tell Miles." "Tell him why it matters." "All right, I'm up for that." "Sorry, erm..." "What am I doing here?" "Well, Vikram, while they're all talking about "issues", you and me are going to sit here and make inappropriate jokes." "You're assuming that Miles is going to win, but Colin's got him on the ropes." "He's more than a match." "Oh, yeah?" "Where is he, then?" "He had a migraine." "H-He had to have a lie down." " Well, whatever." " I'm here!" "Something smells nice." "I thought she must be lonely, that she'd enjoy herself." "People for dinner, you said." "You didn't say what people." "Mum and Dad'll go mad." "They're not going to know, are they?" "Cos they're with the girls." " You always go too far." " I don't think I go far enough." "Is it starting again?" "What?" "!" "Because this is how it starts." "With you." "If it's starting again, I really need to know." "I can't believe you've just said that to me." "Do not drink any more this evening." "Samantha, do not drink any..." " Everything all right?" " Yes." "He's asleep." "Going out for a bit." "Don't do anything stupid." " Where'd he get these?" " I got 'em." "You nick 'em?" "Little bit." "Nicked 'em a little bit." "Is there anything to eat?" "You hungry?" "I-I think so, yeah." "This is delicious, Samantha." "Letters keep arriving for him." "House insurance." "The car." "The bank." "I'm sure Colin could help." "Colin's really brilliant at that sort of thing." "What, when he hasn't got a migraine?" "Vikram, what is it you do?" "Surgery." "Cosmetic." " Oh." " Lucky old Parminder, eh?" "Want something done, get your husband to do it." "Are you saying I should have cosmetic surgery?" "No, I'm just saying, if you wanted to, then you could." "Parminder doesn't consider my work to be work, do you, dear?" "No, I don't." "It's superficial." "I'd have everything done." "Drag it all up." "Reel these puppies in." "Everybody wants to go back to who they were, don't they?" "I had a pedicure once." "The girl doing it pointed out I had hairy toes." ""Hobbit feet," she said." "I never went back." "There's an elephant in the room here, isn't there?" "No!" "Not at all." "No!" "How can you think...?" "No!" "How can you think...?" "No!" "Elephant?" "You'd be talking about something else if I wasn't here." "Barry's seat on the council." "Mary, we're going to keep going with Barry's fight, every step of the way, and we're going to beat the bloody Mollisons." "Because what they're doing is grotesque." "I am here, you know." " It's nothing to do with what's good for the village." " Minda," " darling..." " It's about them having their tongues so far up Aubrey and Julia Sweetlove's arses they're practically licking their kidneys." "What an unpleasant image." "Don't just stand there." "Get the other end." "Right." "Well?" "Obbo's not here." "He's in prison." "Shit, shit." "And I told his mate you wanted your money back and he said no refunds and if it's a problem, then call Watchdog." "Bastards!" "Right." "Get in, get in." "What am I supposed to do now?" "!" "It's not fair." "Why does this always happen to me?" "Always." "So who's that lad, then?" "Fats." "My boyfriend." "Is he nice to you?" "Yeah." "Says I'm authentic." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Means I'm real." "Of course you're fucking real." "What's his point?" "He means I'm not a faker." "It's a compliment, Mum." "If he wants to give you a compliment, why can't he just say you're pretty or something, you know?" "Is he some kind of prick?" "Mm." "This is good, it's tasty." "Yeah, it's all right." "You're a right good girl, Krystal." "Yeah." "You're a right good girl." " I'm doing you a roll-up!" " Cheers." "Krys, has that kettle boiled yet?" "Yeah." "I know, getting away!" "I can't believe you convinced Granny..." "Oh, look at this." "Eton Mess, is it?" "Yummy." "You've gone to so much trouble." "Shirley, Miles and I wanted the girls to stay with us this summer." "But why would you deprive them of such an opportunity?" "A teensy bit selfish." "I'll be mother, shall I?" "Here we are!" "Ambition and solid hard work." "That's one of the things I so admired and respected about Barry, his passionate convictions." "And Parminder there, also a lady of convictions, with her mental dome..." "Methadone!" "Clinics for the junkies in our village, so they don't have to catch a bus to get into the town, making life easy for them, as if life isn't easy enough." " Hang on..." " It's more complex than that." "You would say that, your jobs depend on it being complex, but it's simple." "They choose to stick needles in and rob decent folk." " Miles agrees, don't you, Miles?" " Well..." "It's just take-take-take-take and people have got to be responsible for their own choices." "How much did your heart surgery cost?" "Your stay in hospital?" "All the staff, the drugs, the medication you are on now, how much did that cost?" " What?" " And you're supposed to honour that work that's done on you by staying below a certain weight, but you don't, you eat and eat and eat, you're practically mainlining foie gras into your eyeballs." " Parminder, stop now." " So all that medication has to be doubled, trebled, because you've made a lifestyle choice and it all costs, right down to that cream for that disgusting rash under your belly, hundreds and hundreds of thousands of pounds." " Minda, shut up!" " Which means that you, Howard, are a bloody hypocrite!" "And you have just broken doctor-patient confidentiality." " I shall be making phone calls about this in the morning." " Yes." "I will be making a great deal of noise." "Thank you." "Well, that's us." "Night." "Mary, dear, would you like us to walk you home?" "I'll talk to you tomorrow." "I'm very hurt that such an attack could happen in my own house." "Well, I-I'm sorry, my son's house." "I always felt so safe here." "Shit." "That really spiralled." "Howard, think about the mark you make on the world." "What is your legacy going to be?" "Cheese." "Cheese, cheese." "Who's that, your wingman?" "I can't shift him." "I don't know what he wants." "He wants ME!" "You need to keep off the cheese, Howard." "It is incredibly moreish." "Do you know what the real casual vacancy is?" "It's the grave." "It yawns open briefly and then it's filled by us." "Dead meat." "It's dark and it's lonely." "It's so lonely." "Oi, get out of it!" "Get out of my village!" "Go on, piss off!" "Piss off, you filthy plebs!" "Don't come back!" "Dad, you can't just dump it." "Shut up and get the other end." "Come on." "Why do I have to do everything myself?" "Go on." "One, two, three..." "It's floating off." "Huh?" "Sink, you shit, sink!" "Bastard!" "Why won't it bloody sink?" "Did you pack it with the polystyrene?" "Smartarse." "Oh, bloody hell." " It's you!" " What?" "It's you, isn't it?" "The ghost!" "You think I want people knowing what goes on in our house?" "I don't want anyone knowing that." " Dad!" " What's going on in our house?" "!" " Dad, please!" " What goes on in our house?" "Nothing goes on!" "Dad, please!" "Dad..." "Dad!" "I have done you a hot milk and honey." "I put a tot of brandy in it." "Come and drink it before it gets a skin." " I don't want to be buried!" " What are you talking about?" "Oh, God." "We already reserved the plots." "Oh, Howard, the rules!" "No solids in the en-suite." "Come on." "Oh, dear, oh, dear." "That blasted ghost." "When I find the maleficent, the hateful..." "Whoever it is, when I find them, I will make them rue the day." "And that Dr Jawanda, she won't be calling herself that much longer." "What she has put you through." "I will have her struck off and stacking shelves, plain old Mrs." "Take her down a peg or two." "We reserved the plots, the plots in the graveyard." "Yes, years ago." "So we got a good location." "Not just stuck out the back with all the others." "People will have to pass by us as they make their way into the church." "Yes, as soon as the vote's done, we can put the rotten business of Sweetlove House behind us." "The ghost will disappear and we can get a good night's sleep." "Nighty-night." "Every vote counts, remember." "I'll try to join you after my disciplinary hearing." "And what if no-one votes for me?" "Colin, people are going to respect you for standing up, aren't they?" "For Christ's sake, no-one's going to vote for you if you hyperventilate all over them!" "Get a grip!" "Your Puffa's in the kitchen." "Thank you." "I just don't understand why people get so tense." "I've got to go." "Doctor Jawanda?" "He's a natural - effortless charisma." "It's going to be a landslide." "Do you believe in anything, Stuart?" "I put all my faith in Doritos." "Printer's jammed." "Shit!" "For God's sake." "Why can't it just work?" "Have a super-fun day!" "I said you were getting too involved with this, didn't I?" "I said you were getting that look in your eye." "Oh, yes - because you're the expert in everything, aren't you, Vikram?" "Well... it's not me who's been suspended from practice." "It's not my code of ethics that's being investigated." "You wouldn't know a code of ethics if it punched you in the throat!" "You'd better vote tomorrow - and you'd better vote against them." "Bloody bastard Mollinsons." "I am having nothing to do with this." "I'm going to exercise my right to extreme apathy." "She's done a good job on that, then." "What's she taken?" "Everything - all the money " "£14.29..." "That was supposed to be to the end of next week." "My little telly, my clothes..." "All that can be replaced." "Ain't the point." "I'll, er..." "I'll put a new door up." "No-one will get in." "They'll have to break their leg before they kick it in, now." "I got some tools in the car, Krys..." "I'll patch it up, for now." "I can't do this any more." "I just can't." "It's always going to be like this." "No, it won't." "Don't... do that, Mr Fairbrother." "Don't do what everyone else does." "Don't lie." "If I thought someone would adopt Robbie, I'd let him go." "I'd let him be taken." "He'd just get lost," "He'd just... disappear." "Come to ours, for the night." "I'd only have to come back." "I'm staying here." "Here it goes, whoop!" "You go and get yourself chips and a pie, or whatever." "Get your tea." " Nyeeeow..." " Want some?" "Yeah, I'll have some." "Red sauce or brown?" "Both... and a gherkin." "Disgusting." "They're like green knobs." "Come on, Rob." "Bye." "Good." "I'm impressed." "Well done." "And you're looking better, Terri." "Yeah, I'm all right." "Told you." "Oh..." "Now, I'll see what can be done about the cooker and fridge." "Not bothered with no cooker." "Microwave would be good." "Fridge would be handy, but..." "Leave it with me." "Are you going to stick with us, Kay?" "Cos we can't keep starting again, with new people." "Are you going to stick with us?" "Yeah, I'm going to stick with you." "All right, then." "Good tea, by the way." "Oh, yeah, she makes good tea." "Give it a rest, the pair of you." "It's only a cup of pissing tea." "It's the work of the Fields." "Barbarians!" "Raise the drawbridge and lower the portcullis." "Restore order." "That's what you stand for, Miles - order, respect." "I'm a solicitor." "People trust me with their wills!" "Just get rid of it, please." "I mean, I'm sorry, but really?" ""Soapy tit wanks"?" "We're going to win, son!" "Eyes on the prize!" "He hasn't got the stomach for it, you know?" "The cut and thrust." "He's not you, Howard, is he?" " They broke the mould when they made you." " Yeah." "Look at his face." "Right... here we are." "No need to come in." "Thanks for the lift." "There's no need to look quite so eager." "You got your own way." "That's fine." "That's what being a girl is all about." "But you don't need to look quite so eager." "Knew you'd do this." "Make a big thing about it." "Well, it is a big thing, actually." "We'll text you when we get there." "And stop bullying Granny." " It's so mean of you." " What?" "Do use a glass, dear..." "Drinking from the bottle?" "Next stop, a park bench." "You're back sooner than I thought." "Evidently." "Do you mind telling me what you think you're doing?" "I'm checking your history - online." "Oh!" "Oh..." "You think I'm the ghost." "Well, you do have a gift for sabotage - as witnessed by that disastrous dinner party - which, by the way, I have decided to forgive you for." "Oh, well." "That's very kind." "Miles persuaded me." "He does get rather upset." "Always was a sensitive, loyal little lad." "He's 43." "Well, it seems you're in the clear." "Did the girls get off all right?" " Oh, yeah." " They'll have a lovely time." "What it is to be young, eh?" "You've been telling the girls that I bully you." "Oh, good heavens." "Where on earth did you get that from?" " From them." " Oh, Samantha." "You're imagining things." "They did mention, though..." "They wondered if you were..." "Well... thinking straight." "I know you've tried so hard, but perhaps it was too soon?" "Maybe you should go back to the doctors?" "You'd prefer that, wouldn't you?" "Me slurring my words." "Just trying to help, dear." "Would you like me to run the Hoover around?" "Give everything a little bit of a wipe?" "I don't mind." "Why are you doing this?" "Well, I'm a friend - and you know," "I actually find domestic chores rather calming." "No." "Why are you doing it?" "Saving Sweetlove House, why?" "Oh." "Well, it's what Barry would have wanted." "It's what killed him... that house." "Keeping that house going - that obsession with the estate - and running around after Terri Weedon." "She was the nail in the coffin." "He felt... you know?" "Responsible." "Everyone grows up next door to someone." "It doesn't mean you have to look after them for the rest of their blood-sucking life!" "Shall I put the kettle on?" "Do you know, when I bought that TV for us, he was angry?" "He said it was an obscene amount of money to spend." "But he spent £600... on a new door for their house." "£600, on Terri." "I found the receipt." "I think... if "it" hadn't killed him... we might have split up - divorced." ""It" was an aneurysm - nothing to do with anything else." "Oh, it was." "It was!" "And if you win, it'll kill you, too." "I'm not going to win." "The best I can hope for is to get a few votes, so it's not completely..." "They're not voting for you, Colin." "They're voting for Barry." "Shit." "Are you going to vote in the Parish Council Election, tomorrow?" "It's my husband, he really cares about the community." "Colin Wall." "Have you got someone else over 18 in your house?" "Vote for my husband." "Vote Wall." "Just put your tick or cross in the box." "All right?" "Be good." "Don't even think about mucking around, cos I'll know." "Kid's group is at 11, OK?" "You'll be all right, Mum." "I trust you." "Rock, paper scissors, cheese." "OK." "Shall we do it again?" "Rock, paper, scissors, pebble!" "Cheese." "A pebble makes it all bad." "I never noticed before." "It's full of Weedons." "You're everywhere." "Well, we were, once." "We're on the war memorial, too" " Weedons." "You look." "Both wars." "That means we're in history." "History's bullshit." "You reckon everything's bullshit." "Nearly everything." "Not here." "Not in front of... them." "It's not right." "It's nice, here." "Sort of like a... a glade." "Like in stories." "An enchanted glade." "Used to be me and Arf's place." "Not any more." "Now he's got that pathetic job." "Only doing it so he can get up that Gaia," " or whatever her name is." " So?" "Why can't he have a girlfriend?" "He'll get no joy, there." "She's frigid." "Reckons she's all that - all "London" - like she's something special." "How do you know she's frigid?" "You try it on?" "I extended the hand of friendship." "You fancy her?" "Well, you know I would." "She's fit." "I just let you do me." "Come on, that was good, Krystal, but... we don't own each other." "No-one can own my thoughts." "You can fancy who ever you want." "You can fuck right off, Fats." " You and your thoughts." "What?" "You stay here and have a wank about that Gaia, cos I've got shit to do." "Actual, real-time shit." ""Real-time shit"." "That's brilliant." " You said I was authentic." " Look, come on." "Just chill." "This is the first time we've hooked up without the kid, don't ruin it." "Robbie." "His name's Robbie." "All right, Robbie, whatever." "Krystal?" "Agh!" "Shit!" "Krystal?" "Hello?" "Hold on!" "I was thinking you might like to come round for dinner?" "Now that you and Stuart are going out - girlfriend-boyfriend" " I thought it would be nice." "I'll do a roast?" "He's binned." "Dumped." "Cos, not being funny, right, Miss Wall - but he's a cock." "Yeah, well..." "All over, then?" "That's rather a shame." " Yeah, right." " I think you might have been good for him." "You're wasting your time." "No-one votes round here." "Some might." "Every vote matters." "I miss our talks, Krystal." "Come and find me, when this is done." "We'll have cake." "Hello." "You know, I always used to think that" "Barry was punching above his weight, with Mary." "She was so poised and well turned out." "She's really let herself go." "She loved him, didn't she?" "Have you got enough waiting staff for Howard's party?" "It's all in hand." "Don't you worry." ""Don't you worry," ""Mrs Mollison"." "Howard Mollison is going to get the shock of his life!" "What so many people have been saying to me, about you..." "He's really going to get the shock of his life!" "I really think we can do this." " Really?" " I really do." "I feel pumped!" "Aw, kill me now." "His ego's taken a bit of a battering." "Oh, come on, Stuart." "Let Mummy give you a great big hug." " Come." "Come on." "Come." " What?" "No!" "Get off me!" " Oh, come on." " You're deranged!" "Get off me." "What is it, menopause?" "Just get off me..." "Most blokes are arseholes." "Don't need them." "You know, there's plenty more fish in the sea." "Yeah." "That's Venus." "How do you know?" "I don't know, I just do." "But that's Venus." "And I know others, too." "There's... the plough and seven sisters and... there's some other shit." "I'll show you, when it gets darker." "Right, shake hands, you two." "May the best man win." "I would like to say, as secretary and treasurer, that it's a truly historic occasion." "Of course, we all feel the most tremendous responsibility towards Sweetlove House." "And how do you feel about the vote today?" "It's a privilege to be making such a decision for Pagford's future... our children's future." "As long as those children have affluent parents - eh, Howard?" "Hello, Sir - a little bit?" "No?" "Complimentary Wall campaign spliff?" "No?" "Anyone?" " No?" " Disgraceful." "Pass on that one, yeah?" "Vote Wall!" "I hope you lose." "What?" " The passion still burns." " Oh..." "Oh, Howard." "Why?" "This way." "This way, please." "Remember to smile." "Hey, my father, ladies and gents." "Remember that, when you make your mark." "By their children shall you know them." "See you!" "When you've knocked around the world as I have, you see things for what they truly are." "You make your own choices in this life - and if you make the wrong one, blaming the world is weak." "We just think you should come home, now." "He doesn't mean it." "We all have to try harder." " To understand him." "If you could just not be so difficult..." "He just wants us to be a happy family." "See you later, then?" "Four lattes and three babychinos?" "Bye." "My dad, right?" "He reckoned himself a right player." "Waste-man." "Is that why you moved?" "Nah." "Change of scene." "Thought we'd give the land of white people a try." "Andrew, your dad's a shit, isn't he?" " Arf." " Fats." " All right, Gaya?" " It's "Gaia"." "Stuart." "You know how to treat a girl, Arf - bring her out to the bins." "Something I said?" " My break's over." " Yeah, mine is." "Hey, I just got here." "Come on." "We always said that no female would get in between us, as mates." "You've got Krystal." "That's just shagging." "It's not even that - it's having a wank inside someone." "Don't." "Just don't." "Freak!" "Pizza Face... 35 spoiled ballots." "Colin Wall, 197." "Miles Mollison... 198." "No time to waste." "All councillors, including the newly elected, if you please?" "Ha-ha!" "One vote." "Just one vote." "You did so well." "I mean, look at the state of this place." "You are going to have to do something about it, you know?" "Come on, Miles." "Keep up!" "Come on, Mollison." "Come on, everybody." "Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!" "Those in favour of continuing the Legacy?" "Those against?" "Miles, the deciding vote, if you please." "What bloody difference does it make?" "There we have it." "Pagford begins a new era." "Sweetlove House is yours again, to do with as you will." "Good." "Excellent." "You've made the right choice." "Congratulations." "I told you we'd win." "Well, you didn't need to tell me." "I knew all along." "Sam?" "Sam?" "What is it?" "It doesn't matter." "Simon Price to the manager's office, please." "Simon Price to the manager's office." "You're wanted." "Where's Maggie?" "Promoted." "I'm Hannah." "Take a seat." "Sorry." "Public sector lunch." "I'm changing your caseload." "No children under the age of 13." "This isn't fair." "I was thoroughly investigated." "All of my notes, every single one of my actions and my recommendations and I was completely exonerated, I did everything I could..." "It's not personal." "It's smart practice." "Cases like that happen all the time." "Think if it were to happen here and you were the caseworker." "Think." "And what about my families?" "The Weedons, they've just started to trust me and it's such early days." "They're reassigned." "I have a meeting." "Excuse me." "Can't I at least do a handover, so that they don't feel dropped?" "Look, I'd rather you didn't." "Please?" "I told them that I'd stick with them." "Well, you shouldn't have done that, should you?" "You never make promises." "You know that." "Had fun today?" " Don't say much." " Sorry." "It's all right." "Most people's chat is bare dry anyway." "Look, I've got to go." "Sorry." "I'll see you tomorrow then, Andrew." "We're celebrating." "I got promoted." "It's down to me to work out who's going to get redundant." "I'm management, now." "What happens when everyone's made redundant?" "You think you're a right intellectual, don't you?" " What's going on here, then?" " I don't know." "What is that?" "What's that say?" "It's been relocated." "Will I have to go to town?" "I'll come with." "No, no, it's all right." "You've got... what's-her-face coming " "Kay." "So you got to stay in for her." "I can miss one." "I don't want to fuck it up, Krys, all right?" "I'll catch a bus." "All right, Terri?" "Want a lift?" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Terri Weedon?" "Who the fuck are you?" "Oh, you must be Krystal?" "Hi, I'm your new social worker." "Go to jail..." "Happy families." "Trying to ruin everyone's fun, clever dick?" "Come on, roll the dice." "Community chest." "Come on, come on." ""You've won second prize in a beauty contest." "Collect £10"." "That ain't going to happen, is it?" "My next project is to find Miles someone new." "Someone we can work with." "Bit soon, isn't it?" "That marriage was dead for years." "Look at you." "Still as handsome as the first day I laid eyes on you." "Thank you, Thank you." "Never been anyone else for me." "Go on, fetch The Birthday Jacket." "Yes, sir..." "There he is." "Da-da..." "Happy Birthday, Dad." "I'm filling my boots!" "Oh, look at this face, all sad." "This won't do." "You're not going to be on your own for long." "Thanks, Mum." "Mingle, mingle, mingle..." "Mo!" "Come on, quickly." " Top up, top up." " Oh, thank you so much... and see everyone's got plenty, will you?" " That's it, that's the way." "Off you go!" " Thank you very much." "Arf?" "Fats?" "Wanted to, er... say sorry." "Bang out of order, you know?" "Been a bit... random... and, you know, you two are mates, so, er..." "We can give that a try?" "Sure, why not?" "This is a bit proper man stuff, isn't it?" "Hug it out." "Come on, Rob." "Mum will be home by now." "We can surprise her with these chips." "You can tell her how extra good you've been." "You're so fucking uptight." "Why can't you just have a laugh?" "You know, just for once in your life, have a fucking laugh." "Krys?" " Come on!" " Krystal?" "It's OK, it's OK..." "In you go, Rob." "Krys?" "Krystal?" "Come on, open the door." "Need to talk to you." "What does he want?" " Sh..." " I'm not cross about it, but we do need to talk about what you did." "You never grass, Krystal." "Never." "So we do need to talk about it." "All right." "But we'll see each other sooner or later." "Cos the thing is, Krystal... you've got nowhere else to go." "You!" "You!" "Here!" "Here!" "This is for the Sweetloves!" "Julia and Aubrey Sweetlove!" "Do they want to drink warm champagne?" "No!" "Fresh ice!" "Go on, quickly!" "Samantha Mollison has definitely got the most amazing arse ever." "Unbelievable..." "A word?" "Happily." "What do you want?" "I think I've made it too easy for you." "And that's not me." "I want my husband and I want my children." "They're better off without you." "Shirley, you have to release the grip that your perfectly manicured little hand has on Miles' testicles." "It is just not healthy." "And you have to stop stirring the shit with Lexie and Libby." "Those poor, abandoned babies." "They weren't abandoned and they're teenagers, now." "That bond is so important." "But I suppose some people are just not meant to be mothers." "I was very ill when they were born." "I was really very ill and it has taken me such a long time to get better." ""It's not my fault, blame somebody else..." ""I was ill, I'm a victim"..." "But who stepped in?" "You did - and I'm grateful, but you have to stop." "That bond was never there - so it's no surprise if they don't love you." "They just don't love you, dear." "You know, you're not a victim." "You're a failure - as a wife, as a mother..." "You couldn't even sell whore's knickers in that ridiculous shop." "Will you go?" "Let them be happy?" "What?" "Just go back to the party, dearest." "Let me deal with this." "Miles!" "Aubrey and Julia Sweetlove." "You do know they're not coming, don't you?" "Come on, Sam." "Let me take you home." "Where's Arf?" "Gone to get more alcohol." "I need a drink of water." "It's strong weed." "It's not for everyone." "I want to go home." "Get Arf." "No, it's all right." "I'm here." "Arf..." "Bastard!" "Prick." "Augh..." "Sh, sh, shh..." "Shh..." "Down, down!" "Here." "Where are we going?" "Going to see a nice lady, Rob." "Oh, I don't know where she lives." "I don't know where she lives." "I'm hungry." "Come on." "You'll get your breakfast soon, I promise." "Shirley, Miles will come round." "He always does." "Mmm." "I'm making tea." "Bring us one." "My head is pounding." "Thanks, darling." "Oh..." "Oh, Howard, look - this is sweet..." ""Click here"..." "'Oh, my king!" "'Glorious." "I love your peachy arse!" "'" "'Oh, my king!" "My king!" "'Glorious." "I love your peachy arse!" "'" "My king!" "Turn it off." "Turn it off." "For God's sake, turn it off!" "Turn it off..." "Agh!" "Oh, God!" "It hurts!" "It hurts so much." "It... oh!" "Can't..." "It hurts..." "Please, help me..." "Please, help me..." "Where we going?" "We're going on an adventure, Robbie." "We are going to a glade - an enchanted glade, like in stories and hide out, like bandits." "A proper adventure." "Just till everyone wakes up." "We need to work out what superpowers we're going to have." "Then we'll have breakfast, it won't be long." "Here, let's look in here." "Right, OK." "You come here." "I've got to talk to someone, OK?" "Grown-up talk, so I want you to stay here, don't move and be a good boy, OK?" "Here's your digger." "Here you go." "Good boy." "I love you, Robbie." "Wake up." "Wake up, Fats." "Why are you here?" "We've got to go round your house." "We've got to go and see your mum." "Krystal..." "I did such a bad thing, last night." "Just listen." "You remember you said your mum would want to look after me and a baby if there was one?" " I'd move in, and she'd look after us?" "Yeah?" " Whoa..." "Thing is, Fats, I'm going to have your baby." "You said your mum would want to look after us." "Me and a baby and Robbie." " They're going to go mental." " I swear it will be all right." "My life's ruined." "We won't be no trouble, but you have to take me to see your mum." " Fats?" " Stop, all right?" "Stop talking." "I need..." "I need to think.." "Yeah?" "I need time.." "No!" "I can't deal with this." "You don't have to, just take me to your house, let me speak to your mum." "You must be joking!" "No!" "Anyway, how do I know it's even mine?" "It could be anyone's." "Ow!" "Ow, get off me!" "Ow..." "Robbie?" "Boo." "Don't mess about, Rob." "Robbie?" "Robbie!" "Robbie!" "Robbie?" "Robbie?" "Robbie?" "Robbie!" "Right, we need to make some phone calls." "Do you want some breakfast?" "Are you ready?" "Duck!" "What the bloody hell...?" "What's going on here, then?" "Dad, I can't be late." "Shut up." "I don't want the children to see this." "It was me that saw her." "Isambard came and started barking and there she was, floating in the water." "All tangled up in an electric cable." "How unlucky can you get?" "I couldn't believe my eyes." "When I looked in the water, there was this television set." "I mean, it wasn't even an old one." "It was a new one, above all." "Who do you think would throw a brand-new television into the river and a keyboard, of all things?" "Fly tippers, disgraceful." "I'd string them up, I would." "I tell you, that's what I would do, string them up." "I know who she is." "Right, sir." "Well, if you could just wait here..." "I thought he was going to drown." "He would've drowned, if I'd left him." "What was she doing, just leaving him like that?" "You did what anyone would have done." "It's not your fault." "Whose is it, then?" "Because it's someone's fucking fault." "How could I have seen anything, or seen her?" "I was asleep!" "What was she doing there?" "Had she come to see you, or me?" " I don't know anything, I didn't see her." " You're lying." " I'm not!" "Her things, all her belongings were right by where you were!" "Tess, not now, this isn't helping, not right now..." " Was she in trouble?" "Was she looking for me?" " I didn't see her!" "I told you to be careful with that girl!" "I told you to be careful with her!" "I don't know anything, Dad, I swear." "It's all right, son." "It's all right." "Oh, it's you." "Did you bring any milk?" "It's most unfortunate." "Inexplicable, really." "Everyone knows the river is dangerous." "Swimming, I expect - or for a dare." "Impetuous youth, won't be told." "But it's quite the topic." "I hope that won't stop people wanting to come to Pagford." "I really..." "I really think I'm going frantic." "You were just watching me." "You would have let me die." "I wouldn't..." "I called an ambulance." "I was in shock." "You were just watching me." "You've been very lucky, Mr Mollison." "Your heart is strong." " Hi, Granny." " Mum, come on." "Granny?" "Get away, get away from me, all of you!" "Just get away." "No, no, just..." " Come on!" " Get away!" " Granny!" " Get away from me, all of you." "Just get away." "It's all right, girls." "It's fine, she's just..." " I can't find what I'm looking for." " Well, I..." " I don't know what it is that I'm looking for!" " Mum..." "That's enough now, Shirley." "Let's take you home, eh?" "Come on." "Choir To The Wild by Solomon Grey." "Oh, it's lovely." "I love it." "Why are you moving?" "Pastures new." "I adore this village." "I really want to find somewhere we can just fit in." "Oh, I'm sure you will." "You look like Pagford people to me." "Oh, thanks." "Bye." "Bye."