"Yeah?" "Yeah." "Hang on a minute." "Hang on, hang on, hang on." "Uh, can you, um, put something else on?" "Are you kidding me?" "You don't like this stuff?" "Can you just put something else on?" "OK." "Thanks." "How about a little bit of this?" "Better?" "Yeah." "Shit." "Aw, shit." "Yo." "Pretty in pink." "Where you going?" "Sorry." "I'm late." "What are you late for?" " Yeah, I gotta go." " Wait, wait." "Hey, hey, hey." "Sorry." "What's your... name?" "You can't go any faster, can you?" "Never mind." "Fuck!" "What the hell?" "Hi." "Holy shit." "She is alive." "We can stop calling the hospitals and the morgues now." "Sorry." "Let's do it again." "Smooth jazz, 96.3, The Wave." "Next, Q103." "What's that?" "Christian rock." "This one goes, Q103, The Rock." "You punch rock, and then you do... on salvation." "Go." "Q103, The Rock of salvation." "That would give Jesus a boner." "So when do you have to be out by?" "Uh end of the month." "Yeah, I'd offer you our spare room, but it might be a little awkward, him having that big house, and all." "Yeah, I know." "Uh, it's fine." "So I hear you have a new song?" "It's... it's not ready yet." "Surprise, surprise." "So are you coming out this week?" "I need all the allies I can get." "Are you talking to me hands free?" "What, are you a cop all of a sudden?" "It's not safe." "Yeah, I'm on my headphones." "Look, are you coming or not?" "Jude?" "Jude?" "Alan." "Alan." "Jude?" "Alan?" "Shit." "In my heart is for strangers." "Kind, but my own blood is much too dangerous." "Hello?" "Is anybody home?" "Who's there?" "Jude?" "Jude." "Hi, Paul." "I hate that." "How you doing, doll?" "I'm OK." "OK, OK." "How was the drive?" "Boring." "How are you?" "I shot a ninth one this morning." "Oh, is that good?" "Corinne's here." "Come out back." "Be nice." "No, no, no, we can't go in April." "No, no, Marcus says he won't be ready." "Have you had his gazpacho?" "Oh, it's astronishing." "I know, it reminds me of Mamet." "Hi, Jude." "Hi, Lucille." "How was your trip?" "Boring." "Do you want anything to drink?" "Diet Coke?" "Yeah." "Yeah, that'd be great." "Thanks." "There's some in the fridge." "And be a dear and get me some more chardonnay while you're there." "Darling, what was the name of that kid we went to Dalton with?" "The one who got kicked out for writing those dirty letters to Miss Darcy?" " That was Adam Foresberg." "Adam never got kicked out." "No, I think he did." "No, his family moved to Indonesia." "Oh, no, I know who you're talking about." "You're talking about that, um... the kid who always wore that mounty shirt." "Mm, went out with denim jacket girl." "Shawna Brant?" "Oh." "You mean Shawna do you wanna?" "That is harsh." "But true." "Jude, would you go in the kitchen and get me some more horseradish?" "Help Lucille." "Her leg is bothering her." "Is she kidding with that pink hair?" "Still?" "Like she's so punk?" "This steak is not good." "Where's it from?" "...just got it at Siderello." "Tell her to go into town from now on." "Farmer's market." "You're welcome." "I really think it was Adam Foresberg who got kicked out." "It wasn't Adam Foresberg?" "No, you're thinking of Warren Wilson." "I am thinking of Warren Wilson." "You couldn't pay me to go back to high school." "You hardly went, even when you were in high school." "How's the restaurant, Corinne?" "Oh, name a problem, we've got it." "I've got a sous chef trying to undermine my executive chef, the wait staff are like paint in place, bartenders are thieves..." "I swear, it's like a Mamet play." "They steal." "How exactly is that like a Mamet play?" "What's paint in place?" "Speaking of Mamet, did anyone see that actress on "The View?"" "Which actress?" "You know, the one that was fat, and then got thin, and then got fat again." "Anyone ready for more wine?" "Oh, I am." "Oh, right." "Sorry." "Which lawsuit is this one, again?" "It's against this Dutch record company." "Put out an LP of my stuff, unauthorized." "No one calls them LPs anymore, Paul." "Jude sang backup, so they want to depose her." "So, uh, how long are you staying?" "Um..." "What?" "What did I say?" "Uh, no... uh, nothing." "It's just that, um, things are a little bit complicated for me at the moment." "Real estate wise." "She's getting kicked out of her apartment." "I'm not getting kicked out." "I'm simply having a dispute with my landlord." "She's disputing the notion she should pay rent." "And you're going to move in with Paul?" "No." "No." "No?" "No." "I just need to get out of the city, you know?" "It's smothering me." "Well, I mean, you could say with us." "We've got tons of space." "You know what, it's funny..." "I always forget you guys actually have your own place, since, you know, you're always here at Paul's." "Well, you know, it's nice to have your own place." "I can't keep track of these lawsuits." "All frivolous, of course." "And Paul keeps the East Hampton Bar Association in pinstripes." "That's true." "I hate that so much." "Pinstripes?" "That you call me Paul." "You should call me Pop." "You know, I'd love that." "Then why did you name me Starshadow?" "Starshadow's a wonderful man." "Wait." "Aunt Jude's real name is Sarshadow?" "David." "That's my luck, to be born during his hippie period." "What if you'd been born during my jazz phase, and I had to call you Mingus?" "Who goes through their hippy period in the mid '80s, anyway?" "Good question, Mingus." "David." "David, will you go upstairs and get ready for bed, please?" "It's past your bedtime." "I don't want to." "Come on, buddy." "I never minded you changing your first name." "It's the last name that bothers me." "You're not proud to be a Lombard?" "You changed it from Lipman." "Talk about pride." "You've been pretending to be Italian all these years when you're really Jewish." "I never said I was Italian." "If people think that, it's their business." "Speaking of, if we could put aside for a moment" "Jude's contempt for her lineage, I have an announcement." "I'm going to cut a record." "That's great." "Uh, album or single?" "Single for know." "If it does good, Alan says there's a chance an LP." "No one calls 'em LPs anymore." "Uh, what's it called?" ""When I Live My Life Over Again."" "That's a bad title." "Uh who wrote it?" "Me." "It came to him in the car." "We were driving back from Foxworth's, and kaboom, it come to me, out of the sky." "That's what the great songwriters say, that their songs come to them fully formed." "That's what Mozart said." "That it felt like he was taking dictation from God." "Huh?" "I'm not comparing myself to Mozart, I'm only saying..." "You're just comparing yourself to God." "I was driving, it was coming to me so fast." "I just said it out loud." "Lucille wrote it down." "But you're not really known as a songwriter." "What does it say?" "The two skills are related." "Gershwin, Porter, Rodgers and Hart, the great songwriters were not also necessarily the best interpretations of their own stuff." "For that you need Sinatra, Ray Charles, Billie Holiday." "Billie Holiday wrote "Strange Fruit."" "No she didn't." "A middle aged Jewish man named Abe Meeropol wrote it." "What is it with you and Judaism all of a sudden?" "I was a vocal stylist." "Did anybody complain that Brando didn't write his own lines?" "It's not enough for Olivier to be Olivier?" "Since when do you have an issue with Billie Holiday?" "I don't have anything against Billie Holiday." "I love Billie Holiday." "Singers were never expected to write their own stuff." "She just didn't write "Strange Fruit."" "Not until Lennon and McCartney." "Well, I think Billie Holiday is incredible." "And no one's arguing with you, Corinne." "I think she's incredible, too." "In fact, I think a lot of people are incredible who, like Billie Holiday, did not write "Strange Fruit."" "It says here "Strange Fruit" was written by Lewis Allen." "That is a pseudonym for Abe Meeropol." "Also, I did write songs over the years." "I co-wrote, I collaborated without credit." "I'm not saying that at my age I'm going to be Burt Bacharach." "Excuse me." "I happened to write this one." "So, uh, could we hear it?" "Yep." "Down." "Big finish." "If life is nasty, brutish, and short, and all this too shall pass, can we conspire and consort to make the good times last?" "If youth is wasted on the young, and it is, and time goes by too fast, if second chances go and come," "or too, too much to ask." "Oh, if... if I'd been born in Hindustan," "I'd reincarnate like the Hindus can." "I'll tell you, sir, I've got a plan, when I live my life over again." "I'm all warmed up, and limber now." "Next time, I swear I'm going to make it count." "Thank god we get more than one go round." "Regret," "Regrets, yes, I've had a few." "Perhaps I forgot to mention, but the passing years and graying beard are what got my attention." "Take it home." "So as a dress rehearsal, this one's been fine." "But now I'm going to go for real this time, and smell the red roses when I'm living my life all over again." "Alert my friends when I live my life over again!" "It's not a bad song, you know?" "It's fantastic." "Well, it's a little something." "Anyway." "Hello?" "This heart is a foolish one." "It's never worked right." "It so loudly... it so loudly keeps me awake in the night." "And it forces..." "Listeners soon found themselves entranced by the dulcet vocals that were to become a Humperdink trademark." "Humperdink combined the influen... with the pre-rock and roll romance of American crooner Paul Lombard." "Hey." "Shout out from VH1." "Where's my Behind The Music?" "Oh, please." "You don't want that horrible shit." "It's just Hollywood exploitation." "I was born too late." "My era was Sinatra, Dino, Tony Bennett, those guys." "I come along at least a decade after that." "After your rock and roll had destroyed the whole tradition." "My rock and roll." "Right." "Who am I, Chuck Berry?" "Still, you had a good run." "Didn't you?" "O king of romance." "To this day, when anyone wants some make out music, the first thing they reach for is a Paul Lombard album." "Which one?" "What?" "Which album dot hey reach for?" "Oh." "I don't know." ""In The Dark and Lonely Hours." "Swinging at Sally's," or" ""Boulevard of Broken Dreams."" "Paul's greatest, obviously." "That's a compilation." "I didn't even get paid." "It still counts." "Seriously, I can't tell you how many people my age have a copy of "In The Dark and Lonely."" ""Dark and Lonely."" "What a wonderful record." ""Dark and Lonely" is a wonderful record." "You know, there's no single." "It's gonna be the beginning of my next act to reclaim my place." "I'm glad." "What?" "What?" "You don't sound enthusiastic." "I'm glad sounds like a prelude to a but." "No but." "It's just that..." "There you go." "You're nothing if not critical." "I was just going to say that it's a shame it has to be motivated by such..." "I don't know, bitterness." "It's called drive, and you could take a lesson." "A driving lesson?" "You're hilarious." "You could do comedy as part of your act." "And by the way, you're right." "Why wouldn't I be..." "look at where I'm living." "You live in the Hamptons." "Yes, the slums of the Hamptons." "We're not even on the beach side of the street." "I had to cut the woods back to three days a week." "I had to get rid of the gardener and the pool guy." "At my age, it's not good." "And I notice, you never turn down a hand out from the old family treasure chest, miss soon to be homeless." "Speaking of, you could take your own advice, career-wise." "Please." "I don't want to do this, Paul." "Just save it." "You have a wonderful talent." "I mean, why don't you do something with it?" "What about Pussy Fart?" "It's a punk rock thing you dabbled in." "Post punk." "And I did not dabble in it." "It was my full time job for nearly two years." "Stop." "You were the bass player." "Meaning what?" "The bass is a big, ugly thing." "You know, for a girl it's unseemly." "That is so fucking sexist." "Oh, Jude, don't work blue." "You know, cursing means you don't know what you're talking about, said Thomas Aquinas." "You know, there are a lot of great female bassists." "Kim Gordon, Kim Deal." "Kim Jong Il." "And I sang backup, too." "Kim Jong Il." "I sang backup, too." "Yeah, that's not backup to me." "It's like cats screaming." "Jesus." "You know, I noticed that your contempt for our music didn't stop you from banging our drummer." "Why do you bring that up?" "It's spilled milk under the bridge." "For you." "So, you're holding up this punk band as evidence of your..." "your focus on success." "OK, I didn't say that we were your close personal friends, the Beatles, but yeah, by punk standards we were moderately successful." "Yeah." "Post punk." "How many albums did this band put out?" "That is not a fair yardstick." "For the record." " One." " What label?" "And an EP." "What label?" "Chlamydia." "That's not a label." "Anything run out of a garage is not a label." "In publishing it's what we call vanity press." "Now you're an expert on the publishing industry?" "I'm an expert on the music business..." "Or is it the vanity part of it?" "Hey, I know the difference." "Classic." "When you do it, it's boutique." "When I do it, it's vanity." "Like the man said, I've forgotten more about the business than you'll ever know." "Hell of a pep talk." "Thank you." "Yeah, boost my confidence by insulting me?" "No, I'm not doing that." "I'm..." "I'm trying to help." "Doesn't matter what you were trying to do." "Stay." "You know, don't... come on." "Keep me company." "I'll be dead soon." "Good morning." "How you doing?" "Good morning, Mr. Paul." "Going to play golf, in case anybody cares." "So do you really think Dad has a chance for a comeback?" "If you're asking me if I'm worried about him, yeah." "I'm worried." "I'm worried he's going to fall on his face." "Mm, well, he's a grown up." "Sort of." "I mean, didn't you find Dad's last album just a little bit twee?" "You know what I find twee?" "Using the word twee." "I'm just saying we've been down this comeback road before." "Need I remind you of the infamous reggae experiment?" "No, please don't." "There you all are." "House is completely empty." "I was afraid you'd been raptured." "Hey, Alan." "Hey, Jude." "Oh gosh, it never gets old." "You sure?" "Where's Paul?" "Playing golf." "What does he play, 36 holes a day?" "Paul loves his holes." "Where is that Lucille, anyway?" "Follow the smell of sulfur." "Hey!" "David!" "Come over here, and let me show you how to handle an axe." "I don't want to." "Come on!" "Please, will you... will you just do it for me?" "So what brings you out here, anyways, Alan?" "I have these documents from the DMI lawsuit that I need Paul to sign." "I thought that was settled already?" "No, there's two DMI lawsuits." "This is a different one." "You're like a crack dealer, Alan." "You've got Paul hooked." "Please, your father needs no encouragement in the legal realm." "I don't need the money, and I certainly don't need the ass pain." "I know how to do it." "When's he getting back?" "Around dinner." "Do you want to stay and join us?" "I'm cooking." "Which means she's buying food, and Lourdes is heating it up." "Why do I even need to know how to chop wood?" "What time?" "7:00-ish." "I'm there." "Gives these to your pop when he gets back, OK?" "Yes." "It's not gonna work like that." "I mean, it's OK for practice." "Hey." "Psst!" "This is right up your alley." "Trust me." "Come here." "What?" "Did you ever sleep with Alan?" "What?" "Oh, god, don't be ridiculous, Corinne." "Alan's gay." "Alan is not gay." "Alan is so gay." "He's just of the closet dwelling generation." "Either way, did you sleep with him?" "No." "I already told you." "Once." "Jesus, Jude." "I mean, I remember when movie stars were sort of lewd." "But when did he get..." "when did he get sculpted?" "I'm just saying, it's a tradition in music to change your name." "Reinventing yourself, you know?" "Ask Bobby Zimmerman." "I lived in London through the '70s, right on Kings Road." "Now men are being subjected to the same unreasonable standards that women have been for years." "I knew all the stars." "Then when I come to Hollywood, I want to be discrete, but we used to get around, party, party all the time." "I could tell you stories." "But athletes, too." "Have you seen Rafael Nadal's arms?" "A lot those arms." "You know, I used to be so in love with." "The greatest name change in music history is Nina Simone." "David?" "Not at the table, plaease." "Big, smart beast." "Right." "Alan." "Ooh." "California was the place." "In those days... it still is." "California." "Blah, blah, blah." "I played tons of gigs at the Lava." "Oh, the Lava." "Do not make me count to five." "It was the house band, practically... bar tab like you could not conceive." "Alan, right?" "Oh, yeah." "Three." "The Lava's going strong." "Still." "I tried to introduce Jude to John and Fiona there, but of course, she said no." "Fi..." "Why don't you bust Corinne's balls for a while?" "Cause Corinne can't sing." "True story, when your father went into," "Seagram's stock dropped 20 points." "It's on Wikipedia." "It's not an exaggeration." "I can too sing." "A little." "Hey, Jude, are you still into Nina Simone?" "Like, you used to listen to her 24/7, or whatever." "I used to play ping pong with Nina." "She was ferocious." "Nina Simone's a god." "Period, dot, end of sentence." "Quick story about the Lava." "Tell us." "One day during the '80s, I'm standing outside the Ivy, and this girl comes up..." "young, good looking... big rack." "And she says, uh, I have to thank you." "And I'm thinking..." "Hey, that's not fair." "When we first danced at our wedding, it was one of my songs, and she says, for paying for my college education." "I'm Charlie Steinman's daughter." "He owns the Lava Lounge." "It's a true story." "You can't make this up." "Nope." "You know, I think it slightly invalidates your status as a recovering alcoholic when all you do is brag about what a big drinker you were." "I'm not bragging." "It's a true story, from my memoir." "And that would've been when you were very young, and before Jude was born, right?" "Neither of us were born yet, Alan." "And I would have been first, anyway." "I always do that." "Yeah, I always forget that you're older." "Everyone thinks that." "Because of the lines." "Dad, why don't you record one of those duet albums?" "That would be really good for you." "I've been saying that for years." " I've thought about that." " Yeah." "Paul, awesome idea." "Yes." "I can't wait to buy your next album from Starbucks." "Hey, Jude, don't make it bad." "Oh." "Oh, I'm sorry, Jude." "God forbid Dad does anything commercial." "Hey, why don't you take a sad song, and make it better?" "How about this, Paul?" "Why don't you just record all your parts now, so when you're dead, Corinne can just put out an album with you and whoever's the flavor of the month?" "That is not a bad idea." "I love that idea." "That is a great idea." "That is a terrible idea." "Why not just shoot me, throw me in the trunk, and haul me off to the boneyard." "Hey, don't tempt me." "Don't tempt me." "I'm just saying, you don't want to be one of those nostalgia acts, do you?" "Mademoiselle Super Nag." "Maybe that's what the audience wants." "Hey, this is what we're talking about." "You can have all the success... money, fame up the wazoo... but the thing you cannot buy is new." "I don't care who you are, sooner or later you're going to be old news, and that's not to say that you're less good, your fans will desert you..." "thought some of them will..." "I'm saying you cannot make it happen again." "Not the same way." "Shockingly wise." "Thank you." "It's also total bullshit." "I mean..." "I mean, just because you're not... sorry." "But it is." "Just cause you can't be something new doesn't mean you can't do something new." "I'm doing something different." "I'm recording a song that I wrote myself." "It's a different kind of new." "Jude, would you clear the plates, please?" "What am I, Cinderella?" "I got it." "Finish up this flan." "David." "This is for you." "Miss September." "Check it out." "She was a friend." "I could tell you stories." "It's an old magazine, but, you know..." "Uh, OK." "Thanks, Pop Pop." "Don't mention it." "I mean that." "Don't mention it to anybody." "OK, let's start at the beginning." "So the first one was your mom, right?" "No." "No, his first wife was the high school sweetheart." "They were only like, 18." "They lived in Ho-Ho-Kus." "The ho of Ho-Ho-Kus?" "She divorced him before he was famous, when he was still a Lipman, out on the road with the Moonlighters." "Our mom had barely left Bolivia when they got married." "Mick Jagger had a Latina supermodel wife, so Paul figured he had to do the same." "Wait, Jerry Hall was Latino?" "And the third wife... of course, she whose name we do not speak..." "the au pair who broke up his marriage to our mom." "Oh, she didn't break it up." "She just happened to be there when the roulette wheel stopped spinning." "I can't even remember the fourth one." "Sure you do." "Crazy cosmetics heiress." "You know, the, um... the... the one that he eloped with to Vegas." "Wait, so then, number five?" "The stripper with the 10 gallon tits." "Pride of Dallas." "It's Fort Worth." "People down there get upset when you mix them up." "That's true." "Chastity." "What?" "Chastity was her name." "That was her name." "You know what's shocking, is that marriage lasted longer than all the others." "Chastity was good." "I liked her." " She was." "I mean, she actually stayed with Mom when she was in the hospital." "She was there for your mom, even up to the end." "Yeah, she really was." "Sure." "What are we talking about?" " Nothing at all." " Nothing." "Nothing." "Hey, Paul, what do you think?" "You got another song in ya?" "What'll it be?" "Sondheim." "Rodgers and Hart." " Randy Newman." " No!" "Billy Joel!" ""Uptown Girl."" "Jude, come on up and sing, like days gone by." "Go on." "Do it." "When the world was young." "Get up there." "Ambush." "What is this?" "Come on, Jude." "Do it." "Come on, Mingus." "Come on." "Scoot over." "OK." "You're gonna sit?" "All right." "I know I'd stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me." "And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance you won't be leaving with me." "And afterwards we'd drop into a quiet little old place and have a drink or two." "And then I'd go and spoil it all by saying something stupid, like I love you." "I'd practice every day to find some clever lines to say to make the meaning come true." "But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late, and I'm alone with you." "The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red, and oh, the night so blue." "And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid, like I love you." "Woo!" "Dad." "Woo!" "The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red, and oh, the night so blue." "And then I'd go and spoil it all by saying something stupid, like, I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "Woo!" "That was Paul Lombard, guys!" "Dad." "Paul Lombard!" "God." "Pauly, Pauly." "Wonderful, Paul." "Woo!" "He really can't help himself, can he?" "You know, I really don't want to be another person telling you how to live your life." "And I appreciate that, Alan." "Then why don't you let me help you out a bit?" "Do you really want to be somebody recording jingles the rest of your life?" "Maybe." "Don't be coy." "I mean, it's fine if you want to, but I guess that's what I'm asking, is do you?" "Why don't you let me help you?" "Because I can take care of myself." "Can ya?" "Don't be a dick, Alan." "Let me make a couple calls." "You know, set up some meetings, and let's see if we can avoid you having to move in with Paul." "If you want to do that, I can't stop you." "But I'm not asking you." "It's all me." "All my idea." "Did you call my home number last night?" "Well, yeah, but I..." "Are you crazy, Jude?" "I..." "My wife's not an idiot, you know?" "She is a lot of things, but she's not an idiot." "I couldn't get through to you on your cell." "I needed to talk to you." "Where are you, anyway?" "I'm at my dad's place." "Now, what the hell are you doing there?" "Ugh, it's a long story." "We Talked about this." "It's not a healthy environment for you." "When can I see you?" "Soon." "I promise." "You're the one I want to be with." "I never want you to doubt that." "What about this weekend?" "Jude, you're pushing again." "It's not that easy." "All right, when will you know?" "I'm doing the best I can." "Work's a disaster." "Hank's breaking my balls as usual." "Chloe's waiting to hear about colleges, Joel's playing hockey for two different teams." "I got a lot of demand on my time, not to mention you jeopardizing everything by calling my house." "Look, I'll figure something out, all right?" "I promise." "You trust me, don't you?" "Yeah." "Of course." "We both kinda knew the deal when we got into this, didn't we?" "OK, I gotta go." "I'll call you tomorrow." "Bye." "Bye." "I was talking to Charlie Manson the other day." "He says, is it hot in here, or am I crazy?" "Miss Tallie, they say you are going." "We will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile." "Oh, they say you are taking the sunshine that has brightened our path for a while." "Yeah!" "Why do you give him that chicory crap?" "You know what Dr. Remcor said." "Yep." "I'll see you tonight at your dad's." "All right, sweetheart." "Mommy's off." "I'll see you later?" "Bye, guys." "And if we go someplace to dance," "I know there's a chance you won't be leaving with me." "And afterwards, we hop into a tiny little boat, and have a drink or two." "And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid, like I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "Come on, move!" "It's Tim!" "Can I come in?" "I'm so..." "It's your dad." "Yo, everybody downstairs, chop chop." "You all right?" "Gather round." "What's going on?" "I have news." "What?" "Alan called." "He says the top guys at Jupiter heard the master of "When I Live My Life."" "They think it's gonna be big." "Huge." "They think it's gonna be a huge hit." "What?" "I didn't know." "It's his comeback." "You're fucking dead." "It's not a comeback." "I never went away." "Yeah, they got mea gig." "Test run live, special guest for an act called The Flaming Lips." "Wait... you're opening for The Flaming Lips?" "That is huge." "That's ridiculous." "Flaming Lips." "They're terrific." "I love them." "OK, for starters, it's called The Flaming" "Lips, not "The Flaming Lips."" "The Flaming Lips." "Flaming Lips." "Flaming Lips." "Do you even know this band at all?" "No." "OK, let me fill you in." "The Flaming Lips, their fans are not your fans." "Like, trust me... not at all." "If they're asking you to open up for them, they're doing it out of some sort of ironic hipster goof." "Jude, beware the green eyed monster." "I can't believe you actually like living out here." "You know, it's not so bad." "It's been like, five years now." "You know, Corinne likes to be near her dad, and then we get the pool." "You don't miss the city?" "Uh, yeah." "Hustle and bustle." "I miss that, but Corinne's there, like, two days a week, and then I can work from home, so I get to spend more time with David." "You know?" "It's probably just a phase." "David, I mean." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Just like, eight years and counting." "You do a good job with him." "Mm-hm." "Seriously." "I've been watching you." "Good lord, it's Lee Harvey Oswald." "Jude, come on." "Take a ride." "I'm busy." "Yeah, me too." "Come on." "I'll be dead soon." "You and Corinne, you doing good?" "Same as it ever was." "Why?" "You're not carrying a torch for Tim still, right?" "God, Paul." "That was, like, 100 years ago." "Give me a break." "Don't get me wrong, I love Tim, but he's not the sharpest Swiss army knife." "Well, that is Corinne's problem, isn't it?" "This song, it's such a classic." "It is bona fide classic." "You know, the term is overused, but is a classic." "It takes me back to an amazing weekend I spent in Acapulco with a starlet who shall remain nameless." "Can you please save your stories of your prehistoric conquests for your geriatric friends at the country club?" "Besides, a fan's a friend." "I owe you a phone call, you devil." "You realize that it's Van Morrison, right?" "You know, it's a shame that you and this starlet that shall remain nameless didn't make a go of it." "Could have spared us your marriage to the wicked witch of the Upper West Side." "You could go easier on Lucille." "What have you got against her, anyway?" "Nothing." "I happen to know that you and Corinne call her the devil." "Only affectionately." "You think she's a gold digger, right?" "Not a very good one, obviously." "Pull." "Stupid clay pigeons." "I know you think I'm nagging, but I can't stand to see potential go to waste." "You could be great." "Still could be really something." "You're gifted." "Whoa, be careful with that gun." "God." "There's nothing more common than wasted talent, said Thomas Aquinas." "I don't think Saint Thomas Aquinas ever said that, but OK." "Pull." "Tick tock, Jude." "You know what I'm talking about." "You're pushing 30." "31." "Pull." "Maybe I don't want to be a singer." "Maybe I don't want your life." "I was thinking of becoming a barista, actually." "Somebody who pours seven dollar cups of coffee, it's not a career." "Pull." "Stupid clay pigeon." "Sir, are you sure this thing is calibrated?" "I only want the best for you." "Do you?" "You sure you're not just trying to live vicariously through me?" "If I wanted to live vicariously, it wouldn't be through you." "Pull." "You really are an asshole, you know that, Paul?" "You know, I met the Dalai Lama once, and I happened to be cooking hot dogs at the time." "I said, what do you want?" "And he said, make me one with everything." "The Dalai Lama, make me one with everything." "Huh?" "I want to jump out of this car." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I want to kill..." "Listen, I know how you feel about the Dalai Lama." "You know, to me he's just a guy." "What does he know about show business?" "Paul!" "Are you coming upstairs soon?" "In a minute." "Hey." "You busy?" "Seriously, Tim, I don't have the brain space right now." "No, no, no, no." "Come on, not like that." "Let's just go for a ride." "An open mic night?" "No way." "No, no, no, no, no." "It's not an open mic night." "This is... this is, uh, officially an intervention." "I'm not a 15 year old on YouTube, all right?" "I'm a professional." "Give me that." "I'm doing this just to make you stop making that noise." "So, let's bring out our next performer, Jules Lipton." "Yes, uh, actually that's Jude Lipman." "June Litton." "Whatever." "Um, yeah, this is, uh... this is a song that I, um, wrote." "Oh, this heart is a foolish one." "It's never worked right." "So loudly it keeps me awake in the night, and it forces me out of bed." "Pacing my floor instead." "Longing for things to which it has no right, and no whiskey or wine can it sway my poor, ludicrous heart." "It just rattles the bars, rattles the bars of its cage." "Oh, and sometimes it feels like it must weigh 100 pounds." "Sometimes it's light, so much lighter than air." "But always it wants too much, needs too much, feels too much." "Loves so much more than just one heart can bear, and sometimes, in a hideous rage, yeah, my ludicrous heart," "it just rattles the bars, rattles the bars, rattles the bars of its cage." "Wow." "It's a gorgeous night, huh?" "There's supposed to be a lunar eclipse next week." "I'm having an affair with a married man." "Oh, yeah?" "Who is he?" "Just some guy I met at the gym." "He owns a bunch of KFCs in Jersey." "How old is he?" "I don't know." "Why?" "I don't know." "Just curious." "I don't know." "Like, 50?" "OK... all right, I lied." "He doesn't own any KFCs." "He is my analyst." "Well, I at least thought that would get a reaction." "I've been around this family for too long." "You know what I've never understood?" "How the hell you ended up with Corinne." "Do you know what I've never understood?" "Why do you hate her so much?" "I get that you guys are different, and that's fine, but she's not a terrible person." "I mean, seriously." "She's completely kind, and fun." "Fun?" "OK, I'll concede you kind before I'm gonna concede you fun." "And even kind is a stretch." "She participates in the community, she cares about the environment." "And Hitler loved his dog." "OK that's exactly what I'm talking about." "I mean, I get that you don't like Corinne, but then when you compare her to Hitler, you're not really making your case, you know?" "It was a joke." "You're sounding hysterical, and like, it's really awkward for me too, do you know?" "Do you ever consider that?" "It gets fucking old." "I'm sorry." "I am, I'm..." "I'm sorry for you, but..." "Tim." "This shit between me and Corinne is old." "Don't you have issues with her?" "I mean, come on, you must." "Of course I do." "But you don't get to choose who you fall in love with." "Sure you do." "What you don't get to choose is who loves you back." "I mean, you think if, um... if we'd stayed together all those years ago, we'd have, uh... we would have worked?" "If we'd just tried a little bit harder." "If the timing had been different." "If we'd just been a little bit more mature." "If Corinne didn't come along?" "Yeah." "No." "Maybe." "My aunt had a dick, should be my uncle." "Jude the vulgarian." "Some things never change." "What are you..." "what are you doing?" "I, um..." "I..." "I..." "I'm..." "I'm married to your sister, OK?" "What's wrong with you?" "I'm sorry." "I mean, you need some help." "You need help, and you need to not screw the help when you get the help." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Just..." "No, it was no big deal." "It was no big deal." "I overreacted." "That was..." "I gotta go." "Sorry." "It was nothing." "Please don't run away." "Come on." "Wait!" "Lourdes, you are the best." "Good to my house." "I shall return anon." "I'm off to my, in case anybody cares." "OK." "You are all set to meet Marty Sedgwick tomorrow morning at 10:00 AM in the city." "Who knows who you are, he knows who your father is." "Most importantly, he knows you can sing, cause I sent him some of your stuff." "Now, listen to me..." "Marty is a real gut feeling kind of guy," "OK?" "He fancies himself to be a very sharp judge of character." "What the hell is that supposed to mean, Alan?" "I'm just saying, be your good, old fashioned, charming, on time self." "I feel bad about this." "What are you, a martyr?" "All I did was put my foot in the door." "Nobody gets anywhere in life without a little help every now and then." "So you caught a bit of luck being Paul Lombard's daughter." "I don't need to tell you that being close to that guy, it ain't necessarily a game of Frisbee." "So let's just call this fair compensation, OK?" "Jude?" "Jude?" "Jude?" "Jude?" "Have a good round?" "What are you doing?" "I was going over there." "I had to make a stop." "God, you are completely and utterly shameless." "Your car is right here." "Anyone could see you were having an affair." "What are you doing, driving around, looking for my car?" "I had a meeting." "Jesus, Paul, I should have known something was up." "All this golf in the winter." "How could you do this to Lucille?" "You hate her." "Is there a woman I know that you haven't slept with?" "My... my friends, my teachers." "Lourdes?" "You slept with Lourdes?" "A lifetime ago." "Are you kidding me?" "Look, I'm not saying the father of the year people misplaced my trophy." "Unbelievable." "Face it, this is about me cheating on your mother." "Of course it's about you cheating on Mom!" "What do you blame me for?" "Bad parent, bad husband, bad judgment." "Check, check, check." "It's the birthdays that you missed, it's telling Mrs. Croom not to cast me in the school play because I'd forget all my lines." "It's the graduation you missed because you were in rehab." "I went to rehab for you guys." "It is a comment you made to the New York Times about talent not running in the family." "I'm not to blame for every..." "Thanks a lot for that..." "Bump you've had in your life, much as you want to think so." "That's great, Paul." "Take no responsibility for the way that you, your life, that your behavior has fucked me up." "Didn't do that to Corinne." "What's the matter with her now?" "She's nuts." "Pain in the ass." "Where's Lucille?" "You know, maybe if I acted that way, you'd spend this much time and energy on me." "Corinne, I don't have time right now for two bat shit daughters." "You're supposed to be the stable one." "Do you know where Lucille is?" "She's getting a mani-pedi." "Not here?" "Not here." "OK." "Don't tell Lucille." "It'd destroy her." "I'm not a snitch." "If you want to keep living your life like this, be my fucking guest." "You have a finely tuned sense of injustice, Jude, and that's good, but you should get out of your sandbox once in a while." "I'm not a villain." "You don't see it." "You don't see the destruction that you cause." "Or at least you pretend not to, so you can sleep at night." "You're like this big, overgrown child, who just rampages through life, doing whatever the fuck his heart desires." "That's terrible." "And I know it's standard new age procedure to blame your parents for your troubles, and I take my shame of blame for my problems, and yours too, but you can't make me a stooge for everything that makes" "you unhappy about yourself." "You should thank me." "Thank you?" "You're welcome." "Thank you for what?" "For giving you a get out of blame free card." "No matter what you do, you can shrug it off and blame it on me." "You think I'm a child." "Maybe." "You're an adult, Jude." "Why don't you grow up?" "Stop blaming everybody for your mess." "Hey." "Did it hurt?" "What?" "When you fell out of Heaven." "Not enough o's in smooth for you, huh, buddy?" "I'm Josh." "I'm Jude." "Hey, Jude." "That's clever." "You a year rounder?" "I haven't seen you in here before." "Yeah, I've been on a little vacation from booze lately." "It's good to be back." "You know, I could give you a whole line, turn on the charm, play the game, but I don't want to do that." "You look like a special lady." "Somebody that I'd like to get to know." "So what do you say?" "I've got a better idea." "How about you and me pretend, just for a second, that we're not both completely full of shit?" "OK." "Sure." "I get it." "It's funny... you meet so many people, who have these strategies that they use." "Tricks, you know?" "Sometimes it's hard to know..." "That's all very fascinating, Jake." "Uh, it's Josh." "That's all very fascinating, Josh." "Would you like to stay here and keep working on your material, or would you rather go get your brains fucked out?" "Brains out, please." "Hello?" "I'm trying to reach Jude Lipman?" "Eh." "I'm calling form Marty Sedgwick's office." "You had an appointment with Marty at 10:00 this morning?" "Oh, fuck!" "Sorry?" "Marty's on a very tight schedule." "We weren't sure if you got delayed, or something?" "Yeah, my... my car broke down halfway into the city." "I was-I was coming from Long Island." "Uh, the tow truck just got here, actually, and it looks like I can be there in, like, two hours." "Is that OK?" "I'm sorry, this morning was the only time Marty had." "I was told this was a special favor he was doing for Alan Sternberg?" "You could try having Mr. Sternberg call again." "No." "Um... you know what?" "Um, that's OK." "Never mind." "Just do this." "Just do it." "Get it over with." "You got yourself here, you asked for it." "Just do it." "Get out of your own way." "Just do it." "Go right through it." "You understand?" "It's a... it's a bit pricey." "No, no, of course." "Of course." "You're right." "What's up with you and Paul?" "What do you mean?" "What do I mean?" "There's this big cold front between the two of you, is what I mean." "Well, this'll shock you, but we got in a fight." "A big one." "So that's why you're giving him the silent treatment?" "Tonight?" "It's a big night for him, honey." "He needs your support on a night like this." "I know." "Over again." "I live my life, oh..." "All right." "I'm not even gonna get into the Marty Sedgwick blow off extravaganza." "Put a lot of energy into making that meeting happen." "Pulled a lot of strings." "The thanks I get." "Oh, well." "Thought we weren't gonna get into it?" "Ladies and gentlemen, the Suffolk Theatre and Electric Factory are pleased to welcome, from deep in a, the pride of Ho-Ho-Kus," "New Jersey, the king of romance, please put your hands together for Mr. Paul Lombard!" "If I had been born in Hindustan, I'd reincarnate like the Hindus can." "Yeah, Pauly!" "I'll tell you, sir, I've got a plan when I live my life over again." "There she is." "What's the verdict?" "Has the old guy still got the juice, or what?" "You were great." "Where's Lucille?" "I don't know." "Where's the record people?" "I thought they were here?" "They said so." "They should see this." "They'll hear about it, I'm sure." "I can't take a chance." "I gotta play out more." "I'm gonna get Alan to book me some more shows." "Maybe LA, you know..." "you could make it there, you can make it anywhere." "You, um... you sure that's a good idea?" "Yes." "I'm back." "I'm due... bi doo, bi doo." "OK." "All right." "Just... maybe take it slow." "I've been doing that for 25 years." "You gotta strike." "Did you talk to that Flaming Lips guy?" "Wayne Coil?" "It's Wayne Coyne, and no, I did not talk to him." "Why?" "Jude, when a window opens, you gotta jump." "You never want to do that." "Jesus, Paul, do you really want to talk about this now?" "Tonight?" "Again?" "You're scared." "I don't know about what, but you are, and it shows." "You'd be better and more successful if you'd cut the beebop and just get out of your own way." "Stop." "Just get over it." "God, Paul, stop." "Just get over it." "Say yes, cause scared is good for..." "Paul, are you fucking stupid?" "The audience only liked you today because you were kitsch." "Don't you get that?" "You're a fucking dancing monkey." "A joke." "That's why they liked you." "I know that." "You think I don't know that?" "So what?" "You've reached Lucille Lombard." "I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave a brief message," "I'll get right back to you." "Lucille, you OK?" "The show was more than I imagined." "Really, I..." "I'm sorry you weren't there, babe." "That surprised me." "They told me you weren't there." "Lucille, you OK?" "Whoa!" "What?" "You shit!" "Now, focus here." "He's showing 16." "Common wisdom is you stick at 16, you play it safe." "What do we say about playing it safe?" "That's for pussies?" "Exactamundo." "So how's Dad holding up since Lucille left?" "You know, ain't exactly new form." "Yeah." "I have a feeling this one's going to get ugly." "It's like something..." "Out of Mamet?" "It's exactly like something out of Mamet." "Where was I?" "You were in London, with Harry Nelson." "Nilsson." "OK, so I'm in London, it's the '80s," "I'm in this club... it's 5:00 AM." "I'm with Cosmo, the manager of The Clash." "I was never a big punk person, but Cosmo was the real deal." "Big heart." "And he had on this fantastic shirt, and I said to him, Cosmo, that shirt is fantastic." "And he said, you want it?" "Let's swap." "So right there, he peels it off, and he hands it to me." "Now here, you should double down." "I taught you how to double down." "I got the best of that swap." "It still fits." "Now you do it." "As anticipated, Lucille filed the divorce papers this morning." "But there's a little wrinkle." "Lucille is claiming that she wrote "When" "I Live My Life Over Again."" "Oh, that's absurd." "No court's gonna buy that." "It's not quite as open and shut a case as you might think." "It's not like Paul is known for his songwriting abilities." "Where does it say that the two skills are related?" "Did anybody complain that Brando didn't write his own lines?" "I know that, but, you know, she's exploiting a... a vulnerability in the public perception." "Well, has Lucille ever written a song?" "No, but she does happen to be in possession of a very compelling piece of physical evidence, which is the original manuscript of the song, in her own handwriting." "Yes, I was driving..." "I dictated it to her while I was driving with both hands on the wheel." "Were there any witnesses to that?" "Lucille." "Well, you see the problem." "I mean, can't you threaten to, like, counter-sue her, or something?" "Of course I can, and I will." "But she's girding for a long, drawn out legal battle." "She's going to drag your reputation through the mud, call your integrity into question, and PS, it's going to be extremely expensive." "She could be counting on the fact that you're gonna settle." "Settle how?" "By offering to share songwriting credit with her." "I'd rather stick pins in my eyeballs." "Well, there is another option." "Don't release the song." "I mean, give her all the credit she wants, but, you know, she'll never make a penny off of it, because no one will ever hear it." "Simple." "It's actually not the stupidest idea I ever heard." "It's close." "You know, you just have to decide how badly you want to beat her, and if you want to sacrifice your comeback." "I have another idea." "What?" "You it busy?" "Oh, um..." "Good." "About the other night..." "Look, Tim, seriously, I..." "Jude, we have to talk about this." "You weren't entirely to blame for all that." "And I know, you know, one of the reasons you don't come out here so often is because of me." "Don't flatter yourself." "Am I wrong?" "You know what?" "Hang on." "I can't deny, you know, it's fun playing what ifs, and, you know, flirting with you." "Fantasizing." "I..." "I know I do it." "I know it's wrong." "Sorry." "I'm... not used to being told something's not my fault." "Uh, you know, I said it was not entirely your fault, so it's really just not entirely..." "You know what?" "It's close enough." "I'll take it." "No." "God, Tim." "I'm sorry." "I thought..." "I thought that was what you wanted." "No." "God." "I mean... but... yes." "Yeah, but you said it yourself." "It's not right." "All right." "And you're just figuring this out now, huh?" "Yeah." "Kinda." "I know it's fucked up, Tim." "What do you want, Jude?" "A sparkling blanc with citrus and ginger?" "Right here." "And a decaf flat white." "So, what is it that's on your mind?" "Obviously everyone's very upset about what's going on, and one of the most disturbing things is your claim that you wrote "When I Live My Life."" "It's not a claim." "It's a fact." "Tell me how that happened." "How you wrote the song." "Well, your father and I were driving down the road." "And what road was that?" "95." "And out of the blue, these words just suddenly came to me." "So the lyrics came first, and then the music?" "Yes, the lyrics came first." "So at dinner, when my father said that he wrote the song and you just took dictation, why did you back him up?" "Look, I was not going to embarrass him in front of his family." "You know how fragile the male ego is, especially his." "You know, Lucille, if you would have acted this well when you were doing it for a living, you might have had a career." "Setting aside the fact that we all know you couldn't write a shopping list, let alone a hit song, this Pinocchio tale of yours is the biggest load of shit I've ever heard in my life." "And a jury is going to feel the same way." "Yeah, well, we'll see about that." "What I am proposing is an alternative to court." "We're prepared to offer you a very fair lump sum in exchange for making this all go away." "And what's your definition of this very fair lump sum?" "Are you kidding with that?" "That is a joke." "That is what we're offering." "And what if I refuse?" "Then we'll all put on our Sunday best, and we'll go to court." "Guess I'll see you there, then." "I think I'm gonna have the crepe." "By the way, have you seen this movie called "Beverly Hills Cock?"" "How about "Desperately Sucking Susan?"" "I haven't seen them myself, not being an aficionado of '80s porn, but the private eye who found them for me says you gave quite the performance." "You didn't think we knew about that part of your past, did you?" "And these aren't softcore nudies we're talking about, particularly this film called "Poonstruck."" "No, I was never in that." "That is a fucking lie." "But we'll say you were." "We'll say lots of things, and we'll leave it up to the court of public opinion to sort it all out." "Jesus Christ." "What do you think this is, "The Scarlet Letter?"" "OK, so I did some skin flicks when I was a young actress." "Big fucking deal." "Your father hasn't been a choir boy all his life." "I'm sure there's some dirty laundry that he wouldn't like aired." "Yeah, it's a funny thing about that, actually." "Paul's history sort of insulates him on that front." "It's that, uh, ugly double standard again." "So what I'm here to ask you is are you willing to pass up a guaranteed payday to spend years in a long legal battle over the share of rights to a song that may or may not even see the light of day, and have your name dragged" "through the mud, which I assure you Al and I will absolutely make sure happens?" "Or do you want to take what I'm offering and move on with your life?" "Don't be stupid, Lucille." "Take the money." "Wow, Jude was right." "You really are a cold-hearted little cunt, aren't you?" "Do we have a deal, or not?" "He hurt me." "He hurt me really bad." "I know." "He does that to everyone." "I'm leaving my wife." "No bullshit this time." "No." "I don't want you to." "I'm done." "You're not thinking straight." "Things will look different to you in a day or two." "They always do." "You don't think I'll do it." "Don't put words in my mouth." "I'm not saying anything of the kind." "I'm saying I want you to stay." "Please." "Sorry." "Leaving's the right thing to do." "And we both know it." "Since when is that a concern?" "All right." "How about this?" "How about I've made enough stupid decisions for awhile, and I'm gonna try and see how smart ones work out for me?" "Well, as your therapist I'd say good for you, but as your lover, it's the last thing I want to hear." "Thanks for the advice, doc." "Hello?" "Corinne Lombard Sanderson, this is Jude Lipman." "What do you need, Jude?" "Why do I have to need something?" "I often ask myself that." "Wait, where are you?" "I'm in your house." "Har har." "I wanted to, um, tell you, you, um... you did a good job." "With Lucifer." "Thank you." "I heard Tim took you to an open mic night." "Uh, yeah." "It was nice." "Yeah, Tim's a... a nice guy." "I, um..." "I also wanted to, um, tell you something else." "I am, uh..." "I'm leaving." "Town." "Oh." "Where to?" "California." "Uh, hey." "What's going on?" "Uh, Jude's moving to California." "Mm." "Yeah, I figured it was, uh, about time for me to leave my parents' basement." "Metaphorically speaking." "So, no offense, but is this you leaving the nest, or just running away from your problems?" "Metaphorically speaking." "I don't know." "Compliment received, by the way." "I did say no offense." "So when are you going?" "Uh, this afternoon." "I just wanted to come by and say bye." "Well, um..." "I'm taking this." "Hey, Jude?" "Yeah?" "Take care of yourself, OK?" "You too, Corinne." "Later, Tim." "Hey." "Wikipedia?" "You set to go?" "Where to?" "LA?" "Frisco?" "Don't call it Frisco." "They hate that." "I don't know." "I guess I'll decide when I get to Arizona." "I wish I was better." "I'll give you a mulligan." "You know I love you, no matter what." "I know that you know that." "Yeah." "Strangely enough, I do." "Well, wear your seatbelt." "Call me." "Collect." "No one calls collect anymore, Paul." "Q103, The Rock of Salvation!"