"My name is Kathy H." "I'm 28 years old." "I've been a carer for nine years." "And I'm good at my job." "My patients always do better than expected and are hardly ever classified as agitated," "even if they're about to make a donation." "I'm not trying to boast, but I feel a great sense of pride in what we do." "Carers and donors have achieved so much." "That said, we aren't machines." "In the end, it wears you down." "I suppose that's why I now spend most of my time not looking forwards but looking back, to The Cottages and Hailsham, and what happened to us there." "Me," "Tommy, and Ruth." "When we are scattered afar and asunder" "Parted are those who are singing today" "When we look back and forgetfully wonder" "What we were like in our learning and play" "Oh, the great days will bring distance enchanted" "Days of fresh air in the rain and the sun" "How we rejoiced as we struggled and panted" "Echoes of dreamland, Hailsham lives on" "Good morning, students." "Good morning, Miss Emily." "It has come to my attention that three burned cigarettes were discovered, hidden behind a pot in the flower garden." "I know that on occasion students have seen some of the caretakers and deliverymen smoking cigarettes, but I must emphasize, once again, that it is much, much worse for a student of Hailsham to smoke cigarettes than anyone else." "Students of Hailsham are special." "Keeping yourselves well, keeping yourselves healthy inside, is of paramount importance." "Have I made myself clear?" "Yes, Miss Emily." "I think, one day, I'd like five horses." "I don't know all their names, but I know I'd like five horses." "The best would be Thunder." "He'd be dangerous to ride, so you can't ride him." "You can ride" "Bramble." "Just so long as you don't use your crop on him." "That's pretty." "You have it." "Look." "Who's that with Miss Emily?" "Do you think it's the new guardian?" "Miss Lucy." "I think it must be." "We haven't had a new guardian for ages." "Arthur!" "Arthur!" "Catch it, Tommy." "Why didn't Tommy get the ball?" "Excuse me, Miss Lucy?" "Why didn't Tommy get the ball?" "When it bounced over the fence, it couldn't have been far from him." "The fence is the boundary of the Hailsham grounds." "We don't go outside the boundary, Miss Lucy." "It's too dangerous." "Dangerous?" "There was once a boy who had a big row with all his friends and then ran off beyond the boundary." "They found him, two days later, in the woods." "Tied to a tree." "With his hands and feet cut off." "Dead." "And there was the girl who climbed over the fence, by the front gate." "And when she tried to get back, she wasn't allowed." "And then she starved." "Out there." "Right by the gates." "Who told you these stories?" "Everybody knows them." "And how do you know they're true?" "Of course they're true." "Who'd make up stories as horrible as that?" "Tommy, what are you doing?" "What is it, exactly?" "I think it must be a dog." "Is it a dog, Tommy?" "It can't be a dog." "Its eyes are too small." "I think it must be a kind of rat." "Yes, that's it." "Tommy's drawn a rat." "It's not finished yet." "That's right." "You haven't finished the whiskers." "Do you think Tommy's rat will be selected for The Gallery?" "It's not a rat." "It's an elephant." "Children, back to work." "He's got his shirt on." "His favorite polo shirt." "He really doesn't suspect a thing." "Looks like no one wants you, Tommy." "What's he doing?" "It's his own fault." "If he learnt to keep his cool, they'd leave him alone." "I hate you!" "I hate you all!" "Kath..." "No, don't!" "You shouldn't have..." "Kathy H." "What's this from?" "I don't remember." "Doctor?" "It's nothing." "Just a bruise." "Hello." "Kathy." "Kathy H." "Of course." "Kathy H." "Come in." "So what can I do for you?" "Well," "I was wondering what you said to Tommy." "Out on the playing fields." "I see." "Oh." "So what did I say?" "I believe I was trying to calm him down." "Because he seemed upset." "He explained he was often teased about sport and art, so I told him he shouldn't get upset about these things." "The other children are only teasing him to get a reaction." "And if it happens that he's not particularly good at sport or art, well, that doesn't matter." "It's not so important." "Thank you." "Kathy." "Aren't you sitting with the girls?" "Well, I just checked and I'm pretty sure I'm not sitting with the girls." "I'm sitting with you." "I wanted to say" "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to hit you." "I mean, I wouldn't want to hit any girl." "But particularly not you." "Well, it was an accident, that's all." "Tommy, finish those vegetables." "I'm not gonna get angry like that anymore." "Because of what Miss Lucy told you, about being creative?" "How do you know about that?" "I'm nosey." "She can't actually mean that being creative isn't important, can she?" "I mean, what about The Gallery?" "If being creative isn't important, then why have a gallery at all?" "I don't know." "...by arching her back, or perhaps with the aid of a pillow, the woman can arrange herself..." "Smile" "Good morning, ma'am." "Good morning." "Can I help you?" "I wanted one tea, with milk and sugar in it." "One tea." "Right." "Tommy." "Oh!" "One tea with milk and sugar in it, please." "No, Tommy." "I want to hear your own order." "Don't simply repeat the one you've just heard." "What other drinks do they serve in cafes?" "Water." "Coffee." "Coffee." "So, then." "So, then, one coffee, please, with milk and sugar in it." "Thank you." "I think Laura likes Arthur." "All the girls like Arthur, don't they?" "Maybe." "I'm not sure you do." "He's not my type." "I think Laura and Arthur will be the first in our year to have sex because, if Arthur wants to, Laura wouldn't stop him." "I'm sure you're right." "Tommy's changed." "Changed how?" "Just changed." "That's all." "What about this one by Madeleine Kane?" "I think it shows more than technical ability." "It gives a real insight into the child." "Which is precisely what Marie-Claude wants for The Gallery." "Yes, I agree." "Mmm." "Put these two together." "Madame is coming." "Good morning, students." "Good morning, Miss Emily." "There are several points of order today." "The first is that our good friend, Madame Marie-Claude, is visiting us." "She will, as usual, be carefully inspecting your artwork and poetry and selecting the very best pieces for inclusion in her Gallery." "We will, of course, extend to her every courtesy and make her feel most welcome." "Second point of order, a piece of good news for all students who have been diligent in collecting tokens." "After studies tomorrow, there will be a sale." "The delivery will arrive in the morning, and I was assured by the van driver that the boxes will contain a bumper crop." "Is it really a bumper crop?" "I should say so." "Yeah, sweetheart." "It's a bumper crop." "Hey." "Aren't you buying?" "If you've already spent all your tokens, you can have some of mine." "I have tokens." "I was just gonna wait till the rush died down." "I'm sure there'll be something good left." "What's the matter, Kath?" "Well, anyway, it doesn't matter if you can't find anything in the sale because I already found you something." "A music tape." "I don't know much about it, if it's much good or anything." "Thank you." "* Darling *" "* Hold me *" "* And never *" "* Never *" "* Let me go *" "* Darling *" "* Kiss me *" "* And never *" "* Never *" "* Let me go *" "The problem is you've been told and not told." "That's what I've seen while I've been here." "You've been told but none of you really understand." "So I've decided I'll talk to you in a way that you will understand." "Do you know what happens to children when they grow up?" "No, you don't, because nobody knows." "They might grow up to become actors, move to America." "Or they might work in supermarkets." "Or teach in schools." "They might become sportsmen or bus conductors or racing car drivers." "They might do almost anything." "But with you we do know." "None of you will go to America." "None of you will work in supermarkets." "None of you will do anything except live the life that has already been set out for you." "You will become adults, but only briefly." "Before you are old, before you are even middle-aged, you will start to donate your vital organs." "That's what you were created to do." "And sometime around your third or fourth donation, your short life will be complete." "You have to know who you are and what you are." "It's the only way you'll lead decent lives." "There will be only one announcement this morning, which is that Miss Lucy, who was guardian to the fourth-year students, is no longer working at Hailsham." "A replacement will be found for her, and in the meantime her classes will be divided between Miss Geraldine and myself." "It is hard, is it not, to continue in the face of deliberate subversion." "There are those who seek to thwart us, this is clear." "And we are aware that the tide is not with forward thinking." "It never is." "No, the tide is with the entrenched mindset." "With values that are still unexamined." "But I will not be coerced." "I will not be coerced." "And neither will Hailsham." "I didn't understand why, after all her teasing," "Ruth would decide that Tommy was the boy she liked most of all." "They say girls are always mean to the boys they like." "So maybe Ruth had liked him all along." "Maybe I should have teased him, too." "I kept hoping they would separate, like the other childhood and teenage romances at the school." "They never did." "We were moved from Hailsham at 18 and sent to various accommodations around the country, to wait until we were old enough to start the donations." "Tommy, Ruth and I were sent to a collection of farm buildings called The Cottages." "During our stay there, we were told that some of us would be permitted to volunteer as carers." "But, apart from that, we'd be left largely to our own devices and even allowed to take day trips into the surrounding countryside." "The Cottages were also our first contact with those who had not grown up at Hailsham." "There were people from White Mansion," "Oakhill, Morningdale and other homes I'd never heard of." "Everyone seemed wiser and more worldly than us." "None more so than Rodney and Chrissie." "They'd already been at The Cottages for over a year and would soon be leaving for the completion centers." "Ricky?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "Oh, I can help you out there." "He's talking about blue eyes, blond hair, cute dimples when he smiles." "And biceps that could crack walnuts." "Jennifer, get real, I saw you with him." "Jen and Ricky sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." "That is so not true." "We weren't in a tree." "Hey." "Where you going?" "I thought I'd go for a walk." "Does that mean you want to be alone?" "I'm not even saying that I'll apply to be a carer." "Just that several people have said that I'd be good at it." "But then Laura went around telling everyone that I'd been saying I was the most likely to get selected." "That's so not true." "So not true." "Thank you." "I'm getting more plates." "Is there anything left for us?" "I don't know." "Perhaps not." "Ruth, why do you do that thing?" "Squeezing Tommy's shoulder." "I'm allowed to touch Tommy, aren't I?" "It's the way you're touching him." "You know what I mean." "It's copied from that television show." "That's so not..." "Don't tell me "that's so not true."" "All that behavior, that's not what people do out there, in real life, if that's what you were thinking." "So what?" "Look, it's no big deal." "A lot of us do it." "What you mean is Chrissie and Rod do it." "Oh, Kathy." "So that's what this is about." "It must be really awful for you, surrounded by all these couples." "I never said that." "I just think it's daft." "You copy them, and they copy from a television show." "I'm right, aren't I?" "You don't like the fact that Tommy and I are friends with Chrissie and Rod, whereas you hardly speak to anyone." "No." "You're not right." ""So" not right?" "Thank you, Mr. Keffers." "Hello, Tommy." "Hello, Kath." "Well, don't just hover in the doorway." "Come in." "Join the fun." "Didn't know you liked that sort of stuff." "You're very welcome to them after I've finished." "Oh, no, it's just sex stuff." "I expect I've seen them all already anyway." "Kathy, what are you looking for?" "What do you mean?" "I'm just looking at dirty pictures." "What, just for kicks?" "I suppose you could say that, yes." "If it's just for kicks, then you don't do it like that." "You need to look at each picture more carefully." "Nothing really happens if you go that fast." "How do you know what works for girls?" "Kath, you're not looking for kicks." "Here, give it to Ruth." "See if it does anything for her." "Hi." "I suppose you've heard what Rod and Chrissie have been saying." "No, I haven't." "Well, you know that Rod and Chrissie have been thinking of applying to be carers, so they've been learning how to drive." "Yeah." "Well, last weekend, they went up to a town on the Norfolk coast, and they think they saw this person." "What kind of person?" "A lady working in an office." "And..." "What is it, Ruth?" "But they thought this person was a Possible." "For me." "They found your Original?" "They aren't sure, obviously, but Rodney said that the resemblance was really striking." "Oh, my God." "Ruth!" "I know." "They want to drive me back up there so that I can see for myself." "Tommy will come, but..." "Do you want me to come?" "Ruth, of course." "So, exactly how much experience have you guys had with the outside?" "Quite a lot." "No, we haven't." "We did a lot of role-playing exercises at Hailsham." "They don't count." "Okay." "Well, don't feel scared." "Okay?" "There's really..." "There's nothing to it." "We aren't scared." "Good." "I'll get sausage, egg and chips." "Sausage, egg and chips, please." "Yes, sausage, egg and chips." "Sausage, egg and chips, me, too, please." "Well, I suppose I'd better get sausage, egg and chips, too, then." "Five sausage, egg and chips." "Drinks?" "Five Cokes, please." "It was good." "It was really good." "What?" "Sorry." "You know, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you lot about." "The problem is that back there at The Cottages it's impossible." "Someone's always listening in." "So, someone was saying that some Hailsham students in the past have managed to get a deferral." "Apparently those Hailsham students could have their first donation put back by three or even four years." "As long as they qualified." "If there was a boy and a girl, and they were in love with each other, really properly in love, and they could prove it, then they would be given a few years together before they began their donations." "Where did you hear about this?" "When we were at White Mansion." "People there were always going on about this Hailsham couple." "When the guy was only a few weeks from donation, he just went to see someone." "He applied, and everything got sorted out." "I suppose you lot would know about that sort of thing." "Being from Hailsham, you'd know how that sort of thing works." "Who is it you go to?" "Who would we talk to if we wanted to apply?" "To be honest, I don't know what you're talking about." "Come on." "Do you expect us to believe that?" "Everybody knows Hailsham is special." "So what is it?" "Why keep these things to yourself?" "There were lots of stories at Hailsham." "I don't think many of them turned out to be true." "It may be down here." "Yeah." "That's it." "God, it must be her." "Yeah, that's her." "It's not her." "I'm not her." "No, you're not." "It was really close, though." "Oh, shut up, Tommy!" "It wasn't close." "It wasn't close at all." "And I knew it wasn't gonna be her before we even got here!" "It was never gonna be her." "They never, ever model us on people like that woman." "Ruth, don't." "What?" "We all know it, we just never say it." "We are modeled on trash." "Junkies, prostitutes, winos, tramps." "Convicts, maybe, as long as they aren't psychos." "If you want to look for Possibles, if you want to do it properly, look in the gutter." "That's where we came from." "Hey." "We should go back." "Don't tell me to calm down!" "You walked down the pier and you left me there." "You knew I was well upset." "Out here." "Chrissie and Rod are pretty obsessed about this rumor, aren't they?" "About the deferrals?" "Mmm." "I was thinking about it again last night, and if this rumor's true" "it might explain a few things." "Such as?" "Well," "The Gallery, for instance." "We never got to the bottom of it, what The Gallery was for." "Pictures, poetry and sculpture." "Say something about yourself." "That's the whole point about art, isn't it?" "It says what's inside of you." "It reveals your soul." "Yeah." "So?" "Suppose for a second that the rumor is true." "That there is a special arrangement for Hailsham students, if they're in love." "Well, there would have to be some kind of way to decide if couples are telling the truth and not just lying to put off their donations." "That's what The Gallery could be for." "In The Gallery they have everything about us they need to know." "So if we say that we're in love, they can look into our souls and they can see." "They'll know if it's real love or if it's just a lie." "That's a strange idea, Tommy." "What?" "No, no." "I don't think that's any stranger than any other idea." "And didn't Miss Lucy say that making art for The Gallery wasn't even important?" "Yes." "But look what happened to her." "Are you thinking of applying?" "With Ruth?" "No." "It wouldn't work." "Why?" "Because" "you forget that you got lots of stuff into The Gallery over the years, and if I applied they wouldn't have anything to go on." "It's all just rumors and theories." "Yeah, I know." "Tommy." "* Kiss me *" "* And never *" "* Never *" "* Let me go *" "* Lock my heart *" "* Throw away the key *" "* Feel my love *" "I know what you think, Kathy." "I know you think that you and Tommy would have made a more natural couple, and you believe that there's a chance that Tommy and I will split up some day." "And when we do, perhaps that will be your chance with Tommy." "Chance to do it right this time." "But you see, the thing is, Kathy, although Tommy really likes you as a friend," "he just doesn't see you that way." "He told me about the porno magazines." "We had quite a laugh about it." "He doesn't understand what you were doing." "But I did." "Oh!" "I said I'll just be five minutes." "I want to be a carer." "It's you who I apply to, isn't it?" "Yeah." "I said that I'm applying." "I'll bring the forms tomorrow, and that'll start the process." "By the time Ruth and Tommy actually did separate, my carer training had already begun." "So I was hardly ever at The Cottages." "It had never occurred to me that our lives, which had been so closely interwoven," "could unravel with such speed." "If I'd known, maybe I'd have kept tighter hold of them" "and not let unseen tides pull us apart." "Once I began working with my donors," "I didn't have much time to dwell on Tommy or Ruth." "Eventually, so many years had passed" "I came to think I would never see them again." "Many carers find themselves just going through the motions, waiting for the day that they can stop and become donors." "But for the most part, being a carer has suited me fine." "I quite enjoy traveling across the country, shuttling from center to center, hospital to hospital." "Here you are." "Dark chocolate." "If you knew how many shops I had to go to before I found those." "I thought I wasn't allowed to eat so soon before the operation." "Oh, you're not." "But I am." "And after the operation, you can wolf down the whole packet in one go." "For me, the real test of being a carer is when a donor completes earlier than expected." "On the second or even first donation." "Can I just have a quick word?" "Okay." "I was wondering who'd be working on Hannah today." "I'd never say I've become immune to the completions." "But they are something I am able to live with." "You're Hannah's carer, aren't you?" "Hannah's carer?" "Yes." "I'm sorry, it's always hard, but there were complications." "You need me to sign the release?" "Please." "Are you going to leave now?" "We can quite easily provide you with a bed tonight if you've got a long drive." "I can be back home in under two hours." "It's always better to wake at home, isn't it?" "Is that someone you know?" "Yeah." "Actually, we grew up together." "Oh." "How is she?" "Were you close?" "We haven't seen each other now for almost 10 years." "Well, Ruth isn't as strong as we would hope, at this stage." "She's done two donations." "She has." "You think she'll complete on the third?" "I think she wants to complete." "And, as you know, when they want to complete, they usually do." "Kathy." "I've been keeping tabs on you over the years." "And Tommy, too." "What do you hear about Tommy?" "That he's done his second donation, too, and apparently he's doing very well on it." "Apparently he's in better shape than some after their first donation." "Good old Tommy." "I'm not surprised." "Are you surprised at me?" "I expect I look a bit broken, Kath." "It's okay." "I don't think I'd want to survive my third donation, anyway." "You hear things, don't you?" "What kind of things?" "Oh, you know." "How, maybe, after the fourth donation, even if you've technically completed, you're still conscious in some sort of way." "And then you find out that there are more donations, plenty of them." "No more recovery centers." "No more carers." "Just watching and waiting." "Till they switch you off." "I don't think I fancy that." "Is it the end of the day already?" "Do you know, it's funny," "I think I've thought about you every day for the last few months." "Hoping I'd see you again." "Do you know, I felt sure that I would." "Seemed impossible that I'd complete without seeing you one last time." "It's not the last time, Ruth." "They offered me a bed." "I was planning on staying the night anyway." "Well." "I always knew you'd be a good carer." "Your donors are very lucky." "Look, I was lying awake last night and I suddenly had an idea that we'd take a trip together." "Where to?" "I hadn't much thought of where, just a trip." "Although a place did spring to mind." "One of the boys on the other floor was talking about it." "It's near the Kingsfield Recovery Center." "Is it the boat?" "The one left on the beach?" "You've heard about it, too?" "I heard." "One of the carers who worked there." "And do you suppose, if we're driving all that way, that we could call in on Tommy?" "Told you I'd been keeping tabs on you." "Have you seen him?" "No, not since The Cottages." "No, neither have I." "How will we find him?" "His carer said he'd be waiting outside." "Look, there he is." "Do you think he's recognized us through the glass?" "No, no, no." "Let's not get out." "Ruth's in the car." "Oh, right." "Hey!" "Hi!" "Hi." "Hi." "How are you?" "I'm good." "Look at your hair." "Oh, yeah." "My hair." "I can't quite believe that I have you both here." "Does it feel to you that we're back at Hailsham again?" "Like no time has passed?" "No, it doesn't." "No, it doesn't at all, does it?" "It really doesn't at all." "It's really weird." "But a good weird, I think." "I don't suppose you both heard that Hailsham was closed?" "The only schools left now, you hear they're like battery farms." "Like Morningdale." "I'm sure that's an exaggeration, though." "Are you sure we're going the right way?" "It's locked, it looks like." "No one said anything about this." "No one said anything about a locked gate." "Ruth, just relax." "It's okay." "Can walk through here." "Wow." "Hey, come on." "I wonder if that's what Hailsham looks like now." "Do you ever hear, Kath, about any of the students from Hailsham?" "Sometimes, yeah." "I heard that Amanda completed on her first donation." "I think that happens more than they ever tell us." "Hmm." "Yeah, there was this guy at my care center who was always really scared of completing on his first donation." "But it was all fine." "And he's just come through his third one now, and he's completely all right." "It's funny, I don't think..." "Well, I know I wouldn't have been a very good carer, but in a way I actually think I'm quite a good donor." "That's what we're supposed to be, isn't it?" "I'd like you to forgive me." "I don't expect you to." "Forgive you for what?" "For keeping you and Tommy apart." "Should have been you two together, I always knew it." "As far back as I can remember." "It wasn't just because of the rumors about deferrals." "It was because I was jealous." "You had real love and I didn't," "and I didn't want to be the one that was left alone." "It's the worst thing I ever did." "And now I want to put it right." "I don't know how you can do that, Ruth." "I can if you two get a deferral." "It's too late for that, Ruth." "Way too late." "It's stupid to even think about it." "It isn't too late." "Look, you'll see, both of you." "I wanted to do this trip because I had something that I wanted to give you." "It's Madame's address." "That's who you apply to." "That's who you have to go and see." "How did you get this?" "It wasn't easy, but I've had years to think about what I did." "And years to try and work out a way to make it right." "I started doing them when we were at The Cottages." "The day after we went to find Ruth's Possible." "I realized that if I was ever going to apply for a deferral, then I'd have to show them something." "And I've done hundreds of them over the years." "They're wonderful." "What?" "Really?" "Yeah." "Well, thank you." "I have never showed anyone them until now." "They were my secret." "Just like you and those porno magazines." "You remember that?" "Yeah." "Ruth said you didn't understand what I was doing." "No, I don't think she understood what you were doing." "She thought you were looking at the dirty pictures in order to find out about sex" "and to find out what you were missing out on or something." "I knew." "I knew you were looking for your Original." "I used to have these huge urges to have sex sometimes." "And sometimes they'd be so powerful," "I just thought I'd do it with anyone." "So I thought that had to tell me something." "Something about the kind of person I was modeled on." "It's stupid, but I guessed the magazines would be the most likely place I'd find her." "You know those urges are natural, don't you?" "You know all of us had them." "You know that now, right?" ""From Basrah we sailed," ""day after day, night after night, over the sea," ""visiting island after island and land after land," ""selling or bartering our goods at each." ""One day, after some weeks of sailing out of sight of land," ""we saw an island in the sea with such fair greenery" ""that it appeared like one of the gardens of Eden." ""At once the captain made towards this delectable land" ""and, when the anchor had been cast and the ladder lowered," ""allowed his passengers to disembark."" "Don't stop." "Ruth got it right." "Right street, right door, everything." "We have to decide which of my drawings we're gonna take." "Just take the best ones." "Maybe six or seven of them." "You have to help me." "Yeah, I know." "So, we'll just go there." "Mmm." "Next week." "I'll take you out for lab tests, I'll sign you out for the whole day and we'll visit Madame on the way back." "We're going to do it." "I thought you should know." "You're going to apply?" "Yes." "Good." "Madame?" "Sorry." "We didn't mean to startle you." "We were at Hailsham." "I'm Kathy." "This is Tommy." "We're not here to give you any trouble." "From Hailsham?" "We just came to talk to you." "And I brought you some things." "Some things you might like for your Gallery." "Come inside." "Please, wait here." "Look, it's Hailsham." "Kathy, it's Hailsham." "That's exactly how I remember it." "Please, sit down." "So..." "We're in love." "And it's true love." "It's verifiable." "Verifiable." "I see." "Go on." "Well, we'd heard about the deferrals." "And we'd worked out the purpose of The Gallery." "Tell me the purpose." "To use our art from Hailsham to look into our souls," "which would verify that we deserved a deferral." "But the problem is" "I was a little bit mixed up back then and I didn't really do any art," "so you never took anything of mine." "I know, I know that that is my fault and it is probably much too late, but I brought some stuff with me today." "This is a book of stuff and..." "Other stuff here." "Some of them I've done quite recently, and others" "were done several years ago, so there's a real spread." "You already have a load of stuff from Kath already." "She got loads of stuff into The Gallery over the years, didn't..." "I'm sorry." "I never know what to do." "I'll take it from here." "Thank you, George." "Kathy H and Tommy D." "I remember you both." "Kathy, a bright girl, and so creative." "And Tommy, a big heart and terrible rages." "You have to understand," "Hailsham was the last place to consider the ethics of donation." "We used your art to show what you were capable of." "To show that donor children are all but human." "But we were providing an answer to a question no one was asking." "If you ask people to return to darkness, the days of lung cancer, breast cancer, motor neurone disease, they'll simply say no." "We used to get two or three couples like you a year." "Not so much these days." "You're the first for quite a while." "To apply for a deferral?" "There are no deferrals, Tommy." "There are no deferrals." "And there never have been." "We didn't have The Gallery in order to look into your souls." "We had The Gallery to see if you had souls at all." "Do you understand?" "Yes." "Your drawings are very good." "If you want, I'll keep them." "Thank you for talking to us." "You poor creatures." "I wish I could help you." "Sorry, can we stop for a second?" "I need to get out." "It's been two weeks since I lost him." "I've been given my notice now." "My first donation is in a month's time." "I come here and imagine that this is the spot where everything I've lost since my childhood has washed up." "I tell myself if that were true, and I waited long enough," "then a tiny figure would appear on the horizon across the field and gradually get larger until I'd see it was Tommy." "He'd wave and maybe call." "I don't let the fantasy go beyond that." "Is if our lives have been so different from the lives of the people we save." "I can't let it." "I remind myself I was lucky to have had any time with him at all." "What I'm not sure about" "We all complete." "Maybe none of us really understand what we've lived through or feel we've had enough time."