"[funky music] ♪ Have no confusion ♪" "♪ This is sexual fusion ♪" "♪ Creating Higgs Boson ♪" "♪ Is really freaking awesome ♪" "♪ That's why we push the particles ♪" "♪ In a loop ♪" "♪ Shoop, shoop, travelling fast ♪" "♪ Fast as light ♪" "♪ Come on and get there, baby ♪" "♪ Oh, so damn tight ♪" "♪ Taking this electric ride ♪" "♪ Our particles will collide ♪" "We about to collide, baby." "I hope you're ready." "We got protons and neutrons swirling around everywhere." "I think I feel a solar flare coming on." "[all cheering]" "Aww, yeah." "Put your goggles on." "Here we go." "Aww, bam!" "[applause]" "[Craig grunting, yelling] [applause]" "That's sexual fusion." "One, two, three, four!" "I'm Ben Robinson." "I'm Craig Robinson, and we are the Nasty Delicious." "Thank you!" "[cheers and applause]" "Hey, Craig, a lot of girls left their numbers for you tonight." "Mmm, what about me?" "Uh, there's one." "Bobbi." "Could go either way." "That's what he said." "You're not gonna call any of those girls?" "Man, teaching really saps your sex sauce." "I'm beat up, man." "Between lessons plans and grading papers and meetings," "I think we need to take a few less gigs." "So why don't you just go back to subbing?" "You went full-time for Victoria, she don't want you." "Where's the dilemma?" "The kids." "I like teaching them." "Okay?" "I also like eating." "If I go back to substitute teaching, we go back to substitute eating." "Remember bologna taquitos?" "Remember spaghetti hell-nos?" "Oh, hell no." "Man, you're gonna have to figure out something, because this ain't working." "And that's coming from a man who really understands not working." "♪ ♪" "[metal clangs]" " You're late again." " [yells]" "I wasn't." "I was here." "I just..." "I fell out the window and then I was climbing back in 'cause I didn't want the window to think it won." "Please stop talking." "Thank you." "You missed home room again," "I'm still waiting for your progress reports, and you still owe me a schedule for your parent-teacher conferences, and..." "I got a lot on my plate." "Well, get a bigger fork, because here's some more." "And maybe if you didn't spend every night in a club, you'd be able to get some of your work done." "I was gonna catch up this weekend." "Well, you better, because you can't coast on your good looks and your tight abs forever." "I have been doing sit-ups;" "thank you for noticing." "Do another set;" "maybe I'll be nicer to you." "♪ ♪" "Don't bother me, Jimmy." "I only have an hour to grade these things." "Thanks, Craig." "Thanks for showing your concern." "What?" "No, I knew you sensed my angst when I walked in." "What if I'm not supposed to be Magnum P.E., you know?" "What if I'm supposed to be Magnum... something else?" "See, I feel you on that." "I mean, look at me;" "I got one foot in the music world, one foot in the teaching world, and it's killing me." "Right; see, I wish there was like a test we could take that would tell us what we should be doing with our lives." " Aptitude test." " No, no." "I took one of those." "Doctor put me on penicillin." "Cleared it right up." "Magnum, one." "Thailand, nothing." "No, Jimmy, a career aptitude test." "It tells you what you're supposed to do in life." "We're giving one to the kids next week." " Look, it's on the computer." " Really?" "Oh, man, I gotta take that." "So I've been mixing my own body sanitizer and selling it to the other strippers." "They can't get enough of it." "I have been making a 700% profit, and there hasn't been a staph infection or pregnancy in two weeks." "Hey, Craig." "Taylor is on a warpath." "You can't keep coming in late like this." "Full-time teaching?" "I don't know how you all do it." "The bureaucracy, the extra hours, the paperwork, the parents." "I don't know if it's worth it." "It's Friday, you know?" "All you have to do is make it to Saturday and catch up." "And if you need help, we can help you." "Thank you." "I do need your help." "What can I do?" "Break up with your boyfriend." "No, Craig, but I do have an idea." "I have a friend in town and I told her how good your band is, and I was thinking maybe we could come watch you play tonight." "I'm thinking about canceling tonight's gig." "Well, if you don't," "I'll show you a boob." "Show must go on." "And there he is." "(Victoria) Jimmy Hooper, world-class boob." "Homonyms." "Hey, a deal's a deal." "And Craig's gonna buy us all drinks if you want to join for happy hour." "(Victoria) So, how about it Ashleigh?" " Happy hour?" " Hells yeah." "Happy hour at my other job sucks." "I mean, there's just only so many times you can watch" "Jenny Juggs ride a pogo stick." "No, there's not." "How about you, Eileen?" "No, I can't ride one." "Not with this rack." "And I really shouldn't." "I think we need to keep our principal-teacher boundaries in tact." "I think that's a good idea." "But you will need a designated driver, so I'll go and be the responsible one so everyone else can drink all they want on Craig." "[all cheer]" "You know, I never said that I was gonna buy everybody..." "Yes!" "I knew it." "Hey, Craig, that test is exactly like crack, man." "You got to try it." "My whole life is completely clear to me right now." "I'm an artist." "More specifically, it said that I should be a film director." "Magnum Scorsese." "No, no." "Better, better..." "Woody Magnum." "Cut!" "Action!" "Print!" "Oscar!" "Cocaine!" "Thank you for talking to my class, Kelly." "No worries." "I'm sorry if my accent was a little distracting." "No, I'm sorry that they thought you were a waitress from the Outback Steakhouse." "[laughs]" "Hey, are we still seeing your friend's band play tonight?" "Absolutely." "Actually, this is his class right here." "Oh." "That's 4/4 time." "(Craig) Also known as common time." "I don't know what it is, but there is just something about musicians." "And Magicians." "Did you ever get anything going with him?" "[scoffs] I have a boyfriend." "That was not a "no."" "[laughs] No." "Magicians?" "[all, beating on desks] Hey." " There are two ladies." " (all) What?" " They in the window." " (all) Yup." "(Deandre) It's Miss Wavers and another." "(Deandre) I think they like a brother." "Mr. C, this is your chance to finally tap that..." "Hey, hey, whoa." "You need to calm your little ass down." "I am calm." "You need to handle your business." "Hello, ladies." "Craig, this is my friend Kelly." "Hello, Kelly." "You're not into magic, are you, Craig?" "[laughs]" "Is this your card?" "[both chuckle]" "See you all tonight." "[sighs]" "Okay, where did we leave off?" "You were trying to get some." "You're about to get some." "Detention." "Halle?" " 4/4 time." " 4/4 time, yes." "Also known as common time, is simply a time signature indicating that there are four beats in each bar." "Here, do this with me." "[tapping rhythmically] One, two, three, four." "[tapping rhythmically]" "Faster. [tapping faster]" "Faster!" "[tapping faster]" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hey, I said stop!" "What's wrong with you all?" "We're just having fun." "Lighten up, Mr. C." "Lighten up?" "I'm trying to teach you something." "Well, maybe we don't feel like learning today." "Maybe I don't feel like teaching today." "Good, so we on the same page." "[class laughs]" "You know what?" "I've got enough on my plate." "Hey, where are you going?" "Finish grading these test papers." "By the way, I'm pretty sure you all failed." "[laughs mockingly]" "♪ ♪" "What's with the suit?" "Oh, thank you." "This is my Wes Magnum Anderson vibe." "Jimmy, what are we doing?" "We are on our hero's journey, Craig." "Don't refuse the call." "The only call I'm gonna refuse from now on is yours." "Look, I needed your truck, okay, to follow my passion." "You can't follow your passion in your car?" "You can't follow your passion and drive a stick." "Man, I gotta tell you, Craig, being an artist, it's so freeing." "I feel like I've taken off the underwear of life." "I might never give it up." "Right here, pull over." "[brakes squeal]" "Aloha!" "I'm looking for a couple interns interested in an upwardly mobile career in the movie industry with Magnum Films." "No nudity." "I'm not with him." "Dos interns." "Come on." "Take a chance, guys." "I'll give you a piece of my back end." "I need dos." " Dos?" " Yeah, yeah, dos." "Jump in the back." "[Jimmy laughing]" "We're gonna make history, albondigas." "_" "_" "_" "_" "Craig." "Andalé!" "I can't wait to hear you play." "I can't wait to have you hear me play." "PT, you made it." "Better make that five, Curly." "(Taylor) Better take it easy." "I just heard there's a mandatory meeting in the morning with department heads, and that means you, Mr. Robinson." "What?" "No." "Tomorrow's Saturday." "I gotta sleep." "I have to catch up." "I can't." "I refill my sex sauce." "It's Shabbat." "Well, it's out of my hands." "And you, down my throat." "It's okay, Craig, we'll help you catch up." "Until then, I will order you a double." "Saturday." "Right." "Say it again, just be a little more empathetic." "Okay?" "Action." "Jimmy, what are you doing?" "Oh, man, you broke the fourth wall." "I'm shooting a documentary." "I'm calling it Afro-Desiac:" "The Craig Robinson Story." "One man." "Two jobs." "Partial nudity." "You're not making a movie about me." "You are right." "I'm making a film." "I need more light, guys." "Remember my lighting and sound interns, Gustavo and Juan?" "_" "_" "_" "(Jimmy) Let me set the stage for you, okay?" "You've got to make a decision between your two loves." "All right?" "Teaching." "She's like a beautiful woman, but she'll tire you out." "Music." "She's a little more homely, but she'll let you do stuff to her." "A choice must be made." "Okay, now." "Go be you." "I've got to get some B-roll stuff." "I need ambiance guys, come on." "This crowd is really pumped for us tonight." "Good." "I need to play for a crowd that appreciates me." "Us." "I said, "us."" "I mean, look at this place, man." "Ladies, cocktails, sex, and funk." "You know?" "No paper pushing, no... no grading tests, no Saturday meetings." "I hear you, big brother." " Nasty." " Nasty." "I'll see you up there. [claps]" "Okay." "What should we toast to?" "To being happy." "(all) Being happy." "Let's go again." "Wait, I thought you said that you were going to be the designated driver." "What are you, a cop?" "Yeah, atta boy, Curly." "Hey, he's cute." "Hey, you!" "Ponytail boy." "You ever choke anybody with that thing?" "She's like a gremlin." "You just add liquor and she goes crazy." "Aren't you a short drink of water." "Aren't you a well-aged scotch." "[laughs]" "I'll see you after my set?" "I'll go get her." "Since when is the stripper the most responsible one at the party?" "Hmm?" "You all look like a sexy crowd." "I wonder... [cheering] just how nasty you all can get with us." "You all want to get nasty with us?" "[cheers and applause]" "I said, "Do you all want to get nasty with us?"" "[all cheering]" "Well, all right." "In that case, this here is a very sexy song for a very sexy lady who came out here to watch me." "God, I wish he would stop embarrassing me like this." "Her name is Kelly." "Wish granted." "[funky music] ♪ To make you my girl ♪" "♪ Was my mission ♪" "♪ Take me from friction to ignition ♪" "♪ Well ♪" "♪ All dressed in your sexy attire ♪" "♪ Stop, drop, and roll, baby ♪" "(all) ♪ Stop, drop, and roll ♪" "♪ You're on fire ♪" "♪ ♪" "Hmm, hmm, hmm." "(all) ♪ Stop, drop, and roll ♪" "♪ You're on fire ♪" "♪ Mmm, baby, you're on fire ♪" "Yo, B, tell her what I'm talking about." "♪ You put me in a trance ♪" "♪ In asbestos underpants ♪" "♪ With you I do conspire ♪" "♪ Burn rubber on my tires ♪" "♪ You bring out all my passion ♪" "♪ In acrobatic fashion ♪" "♪ Your fire burns so strong ♪" "♪ I'll funk you all night long ♪" "♪ Yeah ♪" "(Craig) ♪ Mmm, yeah, yeah ♪" "♪ Yeah, yeah ♪" "♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪" "(all) ♪ Stop, drop, and roll ♪" "♪ Use me to put out your fire ♪" "♪ Use me to put out your fire ♪" "(all) ♪ Stop, drop, and roll ♪" "(all) ♪ Roll, roll ♪ [cheers and applause]" "Oh, my." "I think I just got funked." " See, now I'm happy." " Mm-hmm." "I think we should do this every night." "Seriously?" "Aw, hell yeah." "Great." "Hey, everybody." "(Craig) I really enjoy working with you all, but I made a decision." "And that decision is," "I'm gonna play music full-time." "Yes!" "[cheers and applause]" "There will be a lot more Nasty Delicious, baby." "Curly, thank you so much." "We are the Nasty Delicious, your new full-time house band." "[cheers and applause]" "Hey, what are we gonna do about this?" "(Victoria) Craig can't just quit." "I am with you, but we've got other problems." "I haven't seen Principal Taylor in 45 minutes." "She could be on fire, for all we know." "Yeah, well, and it looks like Craig is starting one." " Yeah." " Yeah, okay," "I'll take care of Craig; you look for Principal Taylor." "[snaps] Okay." "You can't just walk away like this." "What are you doing?" "Enjoying the benefits of a rock and roll lifestyle." "Okay." "Okay, we need to talk." "Kelly, could you just give us a second?" " Of course." " No, no, no." "We don't need to talk, Victoria." "I made my decision." "Craig, you're just having a really tough time, you know?" "We all go through it." "Just stick it out." "I want to be there for you." "Victoria, I love teaching, okay?" "It's the other nonsense I can't deal with." "That's what I'm walking away from." "No." "You're walking away from your kids." "(Craig) They don't care." "I doubt they'll even notice." "Fine." "So we doing this?" "You know it, big boy." "I'm gonna climb you like Kilimanjaro." "Good." "I want to show you my base camp." "What's up, shorty?" "You know what they say." "Once you go white, you're gonna be a'ight." " You all say that too?" " Uh-huh." "Well, come on and buy me something." "All right." "Okay, okay." "That's enough." "It's time to go bye-bye." "No, but I love him." "Come on, Ash." "Look, I promise to have her home, all right?" "Trust me, I'm saving two lives tonight." "[grunts]" "Oh, it's a numbers game." "[glass clinks]" "Hey, yo, Michelle!" "♪ ♪" "(Deandre on screen) Come on, y'all." "I know it's Saturday, but we gotta get this right for Mr. C." "4/4 time." "One, two, three." "[tapping rhythmically] ♪ Doh ♪" "[Mark Ronson's Uptown Funk] ♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪" "♪ Doh, doh, doh Doh, doh ♪ [tapping rhythmically]" "♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪" "♪ Doh, doh, doh Doh, doh ♪" " [Craig speaking indistinctly] - ♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪" "♪ Doh, doh, doh Doh, doh ♪ [clapping, yelling] ♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪" "♪ Doh, doh, doh Doh, doh ♪" "♪ Stay with me ♪" "♪ 'Cause you're ♪" "♪ All I need ♪" "♪ This ain't love, it's clear to see ♪" "♪ Oh, won't you ♪" "♪ Stay with me ♪" "Come on, Mr. C." "You gotta handle your business." "[whoosh] [ding]" "That wasn't fair." "Neither is your quitting." "How'd you get the kids to do this?" "They wanted to do it." "They gave up their Saturday for you." "Just wanted you to see what you were giving up." "Hopefully you reconsider." "I don't think anyone's ready to see you go." "Including you?" "[sighs]" "Including me." "Show me your boob, I'll think about it." "I think that you've seen enough boobs this weekend." "You know, only people with boobs think you can see enough boobs." "♪ ♪" "Good morning." "(all) Good morning, Mr. Robinson." "Hey." "Deandre." "I'm sorry for wasting your valuable class time." "We all are." "Thank you for staying with us." "Thank you for the video." "All right, now that we got that behind us, where did we leave off?" "One, two, three." "[tapping rhythmically] ♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪" "♪ Doh, doh, doh, Doh, doh ♪" "♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪" "♪ Doh, doh, doh, Doh, doh ♪" "♪ This hit, that white gold ♪" "♪ Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold ♪" "♪ This one for them hood girls ♪" "♪ Them good girls, straight masterpieces ♪" " ♪ Too hot ♪ - ♪ Hot damn ♪" "♪ Called a police and a fireman ♪" " ♪ Too hot ♪ - ♪ Hot damn ♪" "♪ Make a dragon wanna retire, man ♪" " ♪ Too hot ♪ - ♪ Hot damn ♪" "♪ Say my name, you know who I am ♪" " ♪ Too hot ♪ - ♪ Hot damn ♪" "♪ And I'm bad 'bout that money ♪" "♪ Break it down ♪" " ♪ Girls hit your hallelujah ♪ - ♪ Whoo ♪" " ♪ Guys hit your hallelujah ♪ - ♪ Whoo ♪" " ♪ Everyone hallelujah ♪ - ♪ Whoo ♪" "♪ 'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you ♪" "(all) ♪ 'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you ♪" "♪ 'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you ♪" "♪ Saturday night and we in the spot ♪" "♪ Don't believe me just watch ♪" "(all) Whoo!" "Now that's 4/4 time right there." "[funky music] Come on, bring it in." " Bring it in." " Yeah."