"(invigorating music)" "(scatting)" "♫ Where the four winds blow" "♫ And it's five miles wide" "♫ Where a sixgun rules and a man can't hide" "♫ A man can play and a man can win" "♫ Lucky Luke rides again" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Born to ride" "♫ With a sixgun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Here's to you" "(scatting)" "♫ That's a man who waits" "♫ Over yonder hill" "♫ And when he shoots, he shoots to kill" "♫ But he don't know" "♫ That in the end" "♫ Lucky Luke will ride again" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Born to ride" "♫ With a sixgun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Here's to you" "(scatting)" "♫ On the dusty trail" "♫ 'Neath the Western sky" "♫ Where the sun shines hot enough to fry" "♫ A cowboy's dream must never end" "♫ Lucky Luke rides again" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Born to ride" "♫ With a sixgun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Here's to you" "(scatting)" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Born to ride" "♫ With a sixgun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Here's to you" "(scatting)" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Born to ride" "♫ With a sixgun by his side" "♫ Lucky Luke" "♫ Here's to you" "(gun fires)" "(glasses shatter noisily)" "(scatting)" "(rooster crowing)" "(hens clucking)" "(grunt of surprise)" "(agonized scream)" "Oh, no." "(mysterious music)" "(sniffs at jug)" "(water sloshing)" "(ducks quacking)" "(singing in foreign language)" "Lotta!" "♫ Oh, my darling" "♫ Oh, my darling" "♫ Oh, my darling clementine" "Yeah." "Deputy Sheriff of Daisy Town." "(eggshells crunching)" "Lotta!" "(laid-back country music)" "[Woman] Morning, Sheriff!" "Good morning." "[Girl] Oh, no!" "Not again!" "Let's go tell the sheriff." "Luke!" "Luke, I gotta talk to you about Lotta." "Not before breakfast." "I got eggs and flour all over me." "Thanks, I'd like coffee first." "I demand to know what you plan to do about this rope." "Oh, skip it." "(crowd clamoring)" "How long's this gonna go on, Sheriff?" "Sheriff!" "Lotta's done it again." "She's mixed plaster of paris with my shaving cream." "How am I gonna shave him now?" "With a chisel." "Sheriff!" "Look what Lotta's done to all of us." "We wanna know what you're gonna do about it." "She should not be allowed to get away with this." "Hold it, hold it." "Did you actually see Lotta do any of this?" "Well, no." "But you know it's her." "She does the same thing every year." "And I guess I should've been expecting it." "Lotta!" "(sputtering)" "Lotta!" "Working on some tough stains?" "Not my fault." "She at it again!" "You should have been more careful." "Look what she do to your shirt!" "My shirt?" "She not only mess with soap, she mess with starch." "(crowd exclaiming in shock)" "All right, I'll talk to her." "Oh, no!" "(singing idly)" "Lotta around?" "There's some folks here who'd like to have a word with her." "She hasn't come in yet this morning." "She was out late last night." "Yeah, setting more traps, I'll bet." "I think she's still sleeping in her room." "If you want, I'll get her." "[All] We'll get her!" "Wait a minute." "You folks can't go barging into Lotta's private room." "That's my job." "(crowd exclaims in disappointment)" "I mean, well, you know what I mean." "(guns firing)" "(shouting)" "(glass shattering)" "(menacing music)" "April Fools'." "(mischievous laughter)" "(ragtime piano music)" "Aw, come on!" "Loosen up!" "It's April Fools'!" "It just comes once a year." "Come on, everybody come over here." "Have a round of drinks on me." "Come on." "Everybody come on over." "Have a drink on me." "Little early in the morning for whiskey, don't you think?" "Well, I mixed it with apple juice." "Ah, Now you're talking." "Drink up, folks!" "Happy April Fools'." "(liquid sloshing)" "Dagnabbit, Lotta!" "We fall for the same darn trick every year." "(laughs)" "Problem, Sheriff?" "A man's gun is a personal thing, Lotta." "Someone could have gotten hurt." "Nonsense." "Watch this." "(glass shatters)" "She made me do it, Sheriff." "She was gonna put a frog in my bed." "What's the matter, Luke?" "Can't you take a joke?" "Some things, you just don't joke about." "I could have shot you." "[Man] I wish you had." "Well, it wouldn't have mattered." "I refilled all your bullets with ground pepper." "What?" "[Man] Here comes the pony express!" "(hoofbeats pounding)" "(horse whinnies)" "(supports clattering to ground)" "(grunts in shock)" "Tampering with the mail is a federal offense." "I didn't tamper with the mail." "Hmph." "I tampered with a horse." "(water sloshes)" "Know what your problem is, Luke?" "You're too darn serious all the time." "That's what April Fools' is all about." "It's the one time of the year where everybody can let loose and have fun." "(whoopee cushion belches)" "Is this your idea of fun?" "All right, then." "What do you do to unwind?" "I mean it." "What's your idea of a fun time?" "Well, once I saw a traveling carnival show." "There was one guy who made me laugh pretty good." "Well, there you go!" "Who was it?" "What'd he do?" "His name was Silent Sam Springer, juggler and mime." "You laughed at a mime?" "Doesn't everybody?" "(whoopee cushion belches)" "(laughter)" "Hey, fella!" "You got a beaver on your head!" "(raucous laughter)" "Can I help you?" "You wanna see the sheriff?" "He's at the barber's." "He never says anything, just hands out notes." "His name wouldn't happen to be Western Union, would it?" "Looking for me?" ""Your presence is requested for an audience"" ""with Tsarevitsj Alexander Vladimir Romanov."" "Very funny, Lotta." "Don't look at me." "I don't even know what a tsarevitsj is." "The son of the tsar of Russia." "You mean like a prince?" "Mm-hmm." "You know, Luke, we got word the other day." "Some royal Russian's traveling these parts." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "What's he want me for?" "A tent east of the river?" "All right." "I'll be there." "If you had anything to do with this..." "No." ""Your presence is requested."" "Shouldn't it be presents are requested?" "What kind of presents should we bring?" "We?" "But Luke, how often do I get to rub elbows with royalty?" "Never." "I'm putting as much distance as I can between you and me today." "Well, let me put it this way." "Would you rather I stayed here unsupervised, with raw eggs, shaving cream, and full access to your personal belongings?" "All right, you can tag along." "On one condition." "No more jokes." "Agreed." "(electronic buzzing)" "(laughing)" "All right." "Now it's all out of my system." "(gentle music)" "(horse whinnies)" "Okay, that was set up before we made the deal." "We'll go on horseback." "Unless you did something to Jolly Jumper?" "Luke, I wouldn't dream of doing anything to Jolly." "[Jolly] I gotta quit sleeping so soundly." "Eh, maybe nobody will notice." "(majestic music)" "I think these stripes make me look thinner." "Last warning." "No more cracks." "Look out, Indians!" "Indian attack!" "(percussive music)" "You are, I am to presume, the sheriff they call Lucky Luke." "Yep." "That's me." "Thank you for coming on such short notice." "I am Ivan, servant of the Tsarevitsj," "His Majesty Alexander Vladimir Romanov." "Who is this woman?" "Don't like the way he said that." "This is Miss Lotta Legs." "At your service, your portliness." "I'm sort of Daisy Town's one-person welcoming committee, and on behalf of its citizens, I wish to extend greetings to the son of a vitsj." "I mean, tsar." "His majesty's presence, you'll discover, is for the majority a state visit." "He has requested some, how would you say, some emancipated moments." "Emancipated moments?" "Free time?" "That's what I'm trying to say, free time." "As his royal servant, I am bound to honor him." "How's that involve me?" "Well, west America has quite a reputation for untamed lawlessness." "I fear for his majesty's safety." "It's not as bad as everybody says." "Sometimes, a whole day goes by without anybody getting shot." "Nevertheless, I am aware of Mr. Luke's reputation as well." "I refuse to be treated in this manner." "I am in America, and I tour as I choose." "I understand, your majesty, but they're just concerned for your safety." "Your majesty, may I present Sheriff Luke." "Your highness." "Please do not bow." "This is America, and here one shakes hands, correct?" "Sheriff Luke, tell me." "Are you a real boycow?" "Uh, well..." "[Ivan] This is his committee." "Lotta." "Miss Legs, your majesty." "But of course." "With pleasure as well." "(electronic buzzing)" "(swords being drawn)" "Your majesty, I'm so terribly sorry," "I didn't know it was loaded." "What an unexpected sensation!" "Oh, please, do not apologize." "Tell me." "Are all American women as beautiful as yourself?" "(gentle guitar music)" "Fortunately, no." "I was saying, Sheriff Luke, his majesty insists on going out, but refuses to allow his attendants to accompany him." "They never give me a moment of peace." "Well, good help is so hard to find." "What I am requesting is, I believe your term is bodyguard." "I should spend the day in Sheriff Luke's company." "This will be easing Ivan's silly fears." "Is this to your liking, Sheriff Luke?" "Sorry, I can't leave my job as a sheriff for a whole day." "Money is, of course, no object." "You will be paid handsomely." "It's not a question of money." "What's the matter with you?" "This sounds like it could be fun." "His majesty doesn't need a guard, he needs a babysitter." "That's not what I do." "Well, then let me do it." "How tough could it be?" "Now, look..." "We'll do it." "Yes, Miss Legs." "You must accompany us also." "I insist." "His majesty insists." "Can't beat that." "Come, I wish you to show me America." "I can take you as far as Daisy Town." "(cuckoo clucking)" "(uplifting music)" "So, your majesty, what would you like to experience in the West?" "[Alexander] I must experience all that is American." "A showdown with a lawman, a battle and brawl," "Indian attack, everything." "[Lotta] Well, see, that's a steep wishlist." "The Indians around here are a mite too peaceful to make an all-out attack." "I don't cotton to fighting on my premises." "And since Luke got here, no one's been fool enough to challenge him to a showdown." "I think we can still come up with some genuine true West excitement." "Don't you, Luke?" "[Luke] Well, the West can be mighty peaceful, and that's fine with me." "Ah, that's just 'cause you're an old stick in the mud." "We are going to have the time of our lives, your majesty." "But before you can really become part of the West, you've got to dress for the West." "(elevator music)" "How's it coming in there?" "[Alexander] A second, please." "There is much to be buckled and tied." "Boy, this Russian dressing takes forever." "You should have ordered a suit." "Well, do I look like the boy cow?" "Cowboy." "You look like a parade of cowboys." "That is good!" "Parade." "That's exactly the effect you're after." "How's that gun feel?" "No, no, no, that's not quite it." "Luke." "Why don't you show him how it's done?" "Bang, bang, bang." "[Alexander] But is that not what I did?" "Almost." "Here, let me show you." "Now, try to balance it within your hand, so that it feels comfortable." "Grip the handle firmly, but don't clutch it." "Try to make the gun feel like it's becoming an extension of your hand." "Always remember, when it comes time to shoot, don't pull the trigger," "squeeze it." "(laughter)" "April Fools', Kay." "I swear, Lotta." "You and your dang April Fools' tricks are gonna get you into a heap of trouble someday." "Sorry, Kay." "Just came back to see how you folks were getting on." "Now, don't you look right interesting." "Shall I wrap it up for you?" "No, to be wearing it." "I am the cowboy." "Well, come with me, partner." "You can pay for it." "I was starting to think that I'd never unload that gear." "There you go." "Tell your friends about us." "Friends?" "I have no friends, but I shall order all my subjects to patronize your establishment." "Aw, heck." "That'd be swell." "Lotta, almost forgot to tell you I'm having a sale on those nightgowns, if you're interested." "They're right pretty." "Well, thanks, Kay." "But that looks like the kind of nightie that a man should buy for a woman." "I will buy it for you." "A hundred, if you wish." "No thanks, your majesty." "I meant another man." "(cuckoo clucking)" "Attention Kay's Market shoppers." "We are having a blue nightie special for the next 10 minutes." "A blue nightie special." "So, please be explaining, who is this April fool?" "Oh, well, your majesty, April Fools' is a day, once a year, when people play practical jokes on each other." "You know, gags." "Ah, like in the throat." "A gag?" "Oh, no, no." "A trick." "Probably doesn't make any sense." "It's a custom." "A custom not making sense, yes, we have those in my country." "For example, when I was a small boy, my parents made an agreement with the emperor of a neighboring country." "My parents and this emperor agreed that when I turned 25," "I would marry the emperor's daughter." "Oh, she's very pretty." "Perhaps, but I have met her, and I do not wish to marry her." "They say I must." "Now, this is a custom that does not make sense, no?" "That is a custom that does not make sense, yes." "Tell me." "Will your parents decide who you can marry when you turn 21?" "Oh, you darling boy." "No, I wouldn't let them pick out what clothes I wear, let alone my husband." "So you defied them?" "Constantly." "On a daily basis." "Come in here." "I've got just the thing for you." "(ominous music)" "Sheriff, sheriff!" "Sheriff, sheriff, look what I can do." "Good." "Trisha, will you please take this to Miss Kay?" "Yes, sir." "Wait, wait." "(alarming music)" "There's a new lawman in town, Lucky Luke." "You better be on your toes." "(laughter)" "Come on, you two." "Where are we going now?" "We're going to capture this moment for posterity." "(camera bulb pops)" "(playful ragtime music)" "All right." "Let's try another one." "And this time, Luke, at least try to smile." "(camera bulb popping)" "Well, your majesty, how are you enjoying yourself so far?" "Something is not right." "I am dressed as the cowboy, I look like the cowboy, but somehow, I do not feel like the cowboy." "So what would you like to do?" "Your wish is our command." "I bet you get tired of hearing that." "Actually, no." "Well, there is one thing that separates the cowboys from the cowmen." "(cuckoo clucking)" "You see my 10?" "'Course I see it." "What do you think, I'm blind?" "He means it's time for you to bet, your majesty." "Yes, uh, I am seeing your 10, and raising you 20." "Too rich for my blood." "I see your 20 and raise you 20." "(jaunty music)" "And you can see mine, huh?" "Oh, what silly people." "I had nothing in this hand of cards." "What a game of fun this poker is." "What April fools you are." "(laughter)" "(gun fires)" "(sword clanging against gun)" "(footsteps pounding on floor)" "Catharina?" "Sasha." "I insist that you leave these lonely men and these common woman and return with me." "Your outrageous behavior is an embarrassment and an insult." "I will not." "I'm in America, the land of the free and the home of the braves." "You are my betrothed, and you are honor-bound to marry me." "I will make my own decisions, and I have decided I will not be marrying you." "It has been arranged, Sasha." "Less, I could not be caring." "Look, honey." "He's changed his mind." "You." "You are not to be speak to me, you swine of pig." "I am not going to marry you." "You will just have to face the sad fact that he is not going to marry you." "I do not have to marry you." "He does not have to marry you." "I'm going to marry her." "He is going to marry me." "What?" "I have chosen my new bride." "Lotta Legs." "The word of the prince is the law of the land." "(uplifting music)" "(hooves thudding against ground)" "Sheriff Luke, I am not pleased." "I ask you to guard his majesty, and he returns, dressed like a circus clown, and betrothed to a commoner." "I'm getting real tired of people calling me that." "Princess Catharina, on behalf of the tsar and his people, I humbly beg for your apologies." "Apologies will do no good." "Sasha has disgraced me with this swine of pig." "And that is the stupidest insult." "Lotta." "Well, I mean, for pete's sake, "swine of pig?"" "Dmitri!" "Ivan, it is no disgrace, I've chosen my new betrothed, as is my prerogative." "Excuse me, your impetuousness?" "Don't you think we're rushing things a bit?" "Shouldn't we court a while first?" "Dance a few dances?" "I have chosen." "Make the arrangements." "You are a fool, Sasha." "Without our marriage, there will be no treaty." "Without a treaty, our countries will forever remain at war." "You will lose all access to my ports." "You would sacrifice your country and the well-being of your people for this, this, uh..." "Swine of pig?" "Look, your majesty, could I have a word with you for a second?" "Alone?" "Over there?" "Yes, Lotta Legs, my wife to be." "Or not to be." "That's the question." "Look, to begin with, I want you to know that I'm really flattered by this." "You're very attractive." "Quite charming." "Thank you." "But although I'm sincerely flattered by your offer," "I'm not sure I'm actually the best person for this job." "I mean, I can sing and dance, but..." "Lotta, I understand that you are nervous to be becoming my wife, but you will learn to have love for me." "You will love the power and the respect that will be yours." "You will love the riches of my land and most of all, you will love my people..." "Whoa, whoa." "Back up a bit." "Uh, what's this about the riches of your land?" "Our things are overflowing with rubies, gold, diamonds, and silver." "As rulers, we will control all of this and more." "We'll control it?" "You and I." "Together." "Wait here." "Sasha and I are going to get married, so that just leaves us." "Us?" "You and me." "Us." "Come on, Luke." "Don't let your silly pride get in the way, here." "Sasha's made the best offer I've heard in a long time." "If there are no other offers on the table," "I just might as well take him up on it." "Other offers?" "I mean, I'm willing to give up untold wealth and power, not to mention becoming a tsardine, whatever the wife of a tsar is, if there's a better offer." "Do you have anything to say?" "(somber music)" "Well, good luck." "That's it?" ""Good luck?"" "After all the time that we've spent together, all I get is a good luck?" "Good luck, your majesty?" "Terrific." "Yeah, I'll miss you too, Luke." "You'll get along without me?" "I guess I'll have to." "All right, folks." "Gather around." "It looks like Prince Sasha and I will be getting married." "We'll announce china patterns, silver settings, that sort of thing in the very near future." "Swine." "You make a mockery of me?" "Sasha, you are not only one who can change their mind of you." "I, too, shall marry someone else." "(dramatic music)" "I choose this man." "If Sasha can marry a common person, so can I." "Thanks, your highness, but I'm not really the marrying kind." "Yeah." "Take it from me." "He sure isn't the marrying kind." "All he needs is a horse and a sunset to ride into." "Swine." "So, I'm to be doubly insulted." "To be turned down by a commoner." "(sobs deeply)" "[Jolly] Well, you gotta guess horses, Princess Catharina." "How dare you speak to Catharina like that?" "I will not see my former betrothed humiliated in such a manner." "(fist contacting face)" "Uh, excuse me, Sasha." "I thought I was the one you wanted." "I must defend Catharina's honor." "Sheriff Luke, I challenge you to a hold-out." "(speaks foreign language)" "Er, shoot-out." "(intense music)" "(sword sliding against scabbard)" "I believe there is a saying in your country." "He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword?" "Right." "And I've got no sword." "(grunts)" "Thanks." "Look, your majesty." "I have no quarrel with you." "(sword slashing through air)" "Stand still and fight like a man!" "You're wasting your time." "I'm not gonna fight you." "Then you shall die." "(sword slashing through air)" "Well, if you put it that way... (swords clanging against each other)" "(grunts of effort)" "(adventurous music)" "Luke, catch!" "Ow!" "(swords clanging together)" "Lotta, no!" "(swords clanging)" "(grunts of effort)" "You handle a blade well, Sheriff Luke." "Fighting's fighting, no matter what you use." "Ivan, I realize Sasha might be upset, or jealous, or maybe even a little hurt, but what happens if Luke manages to, say, kill him?" "I then would have no choice but to kill Sheriff Luke." "(swords clanging)" "(blades swishing through air)" "Listen, Catharina." "Enough is enough." "If it will prevent Luke's death," "I will refuse Sasha's offer of marriage." "That is noble of you, swine." "But it will make no difference." "I have been insulted, and if Sasha does not avenge my honor, my guards will then kill Sheriff Luke." "Luke!" "What's the story?" "If you win the fight, you die!" "If you lose the fight, you die." "If you stop the fight, you die." "Thanks, Lotta." "Duck!" "(swords clanging)" "(fist hitting face)" "Go ahead, kill me." "Why do you wait?" "You've proved you're willing to die for Catharina." "That's enough for me." "(sword clangs on ground)" "(sinister music)" "You've got a lot to learn about honor." "You leave me no choice, Sheriff Luke." "I now realize it is Catharina I love." "However, because of my pledge to another," "Catharina and I can never be together." "And because of your treachery, Sheriff Luke," "Catharina will never know happiness." "Hold it!" "Hold it." "Look, everybody." "This is all my fault." "I didn't realize the situation between." "Catharina and Sasha, and unfortunately, he was temporarily blinded by my feminine charms." "I think that I will be the noble one here, and I will graciously bow out while the bowing's good." "Why does this man mean so much to you that you would give up untold wealth to spare his life?" "Well, let's face it." "I'm not really cut out to be a tsarling." "Besides, I've got to sort of admit" "I sort of have a soft spot for Luke." "Um, I don't think I'd like him nearly as much without his head." "If Lotta truly feels as she claims, then both you and she should be together." "For eternity." "(ominous music)" "Hey, what is this?" "Catharina and I, we are humiliated by this vermin for the last time." "The punishment for this is death." "The word of the prince is the law of the land." "As you wish, your majesty." "(speaks foreign language)" "Wait!" "Could I just say one last thing to Luke?" "Is custom for condemned to be granted one last request." "Speak, so that we may proceed." "Could we at least have a little privacy?" "I just couldn't let us die without, well, without saying some things." "First, I want to apologize for all the April Fools' tricks that I've tried to play on you over the years." "I know it's silly, but I'd give anything to see you flustered." "You're always so darn unflappable." "And second, I wanna thank you for all the good times that we almost had together." "Seems like every time we try to get together, something would come up and off you'd go." "But I know that if we'd had those times together, they would have been good times." "I know I do a lot of talking." "You're so quiet, I sometimes think" "I do the talking for the both of us." "And there are lots of things that I probably said to you that I shouldn't have." "And I also know that there are things that I should have said that I never did, like I've always respected you." "And maybe even, I don't know, in my own way, loved you." "Lotta, I have something to tell you." "April Fools'." "April Fools'!" "(laughter)" "Lotta." "[Jolly] I like this joke better than the stripe one." "(hysterical laughter)" "Ooh!" "You no-good, lowdown, four-flushing, flatheaded son of a..." "I bet you think you're pretty smart, don't you, Lucky Luke?" "No, Lotta." "I'm not that smart." "Just a little smarter than you." "Who in the Sam Hill are these goons?" "Goons?" "Heavens, no!" "Let us introduce ourselves, madam!" "We are the proud members of Her Majesty." "Queen Victoria's Royal Court Theater." "We did audition for the job." "Now, we tour this majestic land of yours, bringing the art and beauty of literature and the actual stage to backwater yokels such as yourself." "No offense intended, though." "Our current production is Tolstoy's War and Peace." "The entire classic, abridged and performed in one hour, ten minutes flat, including intermission." "Permit me to introduce Silent Sam Springer." "(laughs)" "Mime and juggler extraordinaire!" "It is my pleasure to present the lovely Rita Ann Brown, accomplished dancer, singer, showgirl," "and, uh, I'm leaving something out." "And actress!" "You great stupid pudding." "Charmed." "Absolutely." "Now, Henry James Bellows!" "He has played, or he has read, all the classics of the English stage." "Hamlet, Othello, Lear." "A man the London Times themselves called, and I quote," ""better than the others."" "End quote." "And, of course, the backbone of any touring company, our stagehands and cooking staff!" "(light applause)" "And now, your humble servant, James Farley Egret, founder, manager, and director of the world's finest" "English theatrical touring company, west of the Rockies." "It is our pleasure to have performed for you." "(applause)" "And to you, madam, our sincere thanks for the gift that you have given us." "Your wide-eyed innocence and your faith in the magic that life, on rare occasions, provides us." "(sentimental music)" "All right, let's start packing!" "Gotta be in Deadwood in two days' time, and this tent ain't gonna take itself down." "What's the matter, Lotta?" "Can't you take a joke?" "I have half a mind to run you through." "All right." "(screaming)" "(laughs)" "(hoofbeats pounding the ground)" "(lighthearted music)" "(squeegee squeaking)" "[Jolly] Yeah, that's better." "Got a date tonight with a pinto." "Didn't want my stripes to clash with her spots." "Hope he doesn't want a tip." "[Man] Thank goodness, Sheriff!" "[Priest] Thank you!" "Thank you, Sheriff!" "[Woman] Thanks, Luke." "Yeah, you really showed her." "Yeah. (Awkward laughter)" "Oh, Sheriff." "Sheriff." "Hey, I didn't recognize you." "Yes, I'm to be quite ordinary-looking in the clothes of a common vermin." "That's the way to show her, Luke." "Do you think, I mean, is it possible we went too far with Lotta?" "He who lives by the sword dies by the sword, right?" "Right." "Thanks." "♫ For he's a jolly good fellow" "♫ For he's a jolly good fellow" "♫ For he's a jolly good fellow" "♫ Which nobody can deny" "♫ For he's a jolly good fellow" "♫ For he's a jolly good fellow" "♫ For he's a jolly good fellow" "♫ Which nobody can deny" "♫ Which nobody can deny" "(gunfire)" "(raucous laughter)" "♫ For he's a jolly good fellow" "♫ Which nobody can deny" "(cheering)" "She swallowed it like a bigmouth bass, didn't she, Luke?" "She sure did, Virgil." "I gotta know." "What were Lotta Legs' dying words?" "(slow, touching music)" "Well, I can't repeat what she said." "She swore like a trooper." "(laughter)" "(uplifting ragtime music)" "Have one on me." "Just to show there are no hard feelings." "Thanks." "Don't worry." "I put my dribble glasses in dry storage." "For next year?" "For a good, long time." "Truce?" "Truce." "Okay, now." "Drink up and get about your business." "I don't cater to deadbeats." "Yes, ma'am." "Cut him off." "Sheriff." "Thank you for the opportunity to perform something outside of our standard fare." "And despite how you must feel about my compatriots and myself, we were all, I can assure you, quite impressed with your performance." "If you ever wish to join us, that is, if there's nothing keeping you in this fair town, we'd be most honored to have you join our company." "Go onstage?" "Well, I don't know." "It's mighty appealing." "What do you say?" "Is there anything keeping me in this fair town?" "Yep." "Someone has to run the saloon." "Well, I suppose you're right." "I think I must decline, but thanks so awfully much for your kind offer." "'Tis the theater's loss, Daisy town's gain." "'Til we meet again." "No, wait!" "(trap springs)" "Let Luke go first." "(patrons laughing)" "("The Lonesomest Cowboy in the West" by Arlo Guthrie)"