"Good morning, Lula." "This is the Reverend Beverly H. Hooker." "Temperatures up around 99." "Now let's get things started with the Heaven on a Hookup cycle." "Bud, we got a letter from your sister this morning." " I ain't reading it." " Fine." " I'll read it." " I ain't listening." "That's fline too." "You don't even have to listen." ""Dear brother and Raynelle:" "I was expecting to see you at services Sunday but I guess there was something good on TV." "Again." " I know you love that wrestling."" " Damn straight." ""I wonder if they'll have TVin hell." "I heard Junior's business went belly-up." "When will your son learn?"" "She should talk." "One in the pen, another on the way." ""I think both our sons could learn something from Buster's boy." "Saturday he mowed the front yard the side yard and them three acres behind the house." "His birthday is coming up so I gave him three dollars instead of the usual two." "That's about all the news for now." "I'm coming over Sunday after services." "One of you, Bud needs to get right with the Lord." "And I'm the lady for the job." "We're gonna spend the whole day singing and praying until we wear you down." "Like it says in 2 Peter 3:8:" "'One day is with the Lord as a thousand years.'" "Your loving sister, Marguerite."" "Well, Bud." "What did you think of that?" "Bud?" "Aw, hell no." "Oh, you're not getting off that easy." " Good God, Mama!" " Did you take the Lord's name in vain?" " What the hell do you want?" " Don't talk filth!" "Are you still in bed?" "Why aren't you looking for a job?" "Because it's 7:00 in the morning!" "You wouldn't happen to be suffering from a hangover?" "Are you laid up there with some harlot?" "Wake up, harlot!" "What time is it?" "You hear me?" "Mama, what do you want?" "I just thought you should know your Uncle Bud he passed this morning." "I'm sorry to hear that, Mama." "How's Aunt Raynelle doing?" "How you think she's doing?" "Her husband just dropped dead in the middle of one of my letters." "Imagine that." "So we need to go over there and give them some comfort." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "What do you mean, "we"?" "You're turning your back on your family?" "Can't someone else come get you?" "Call Junior or Ray Bud." "They have too much to do." "And I would just die if my own son didn't want to take me to comfort my brother's widow." "Or maybe I should walk to Lula in this heat." "Or just drop dead from heat stroke!" "Okay, Mama, okay already." "When do you want to go?" "When do you think?" "Next month?" "Get your worthless self over here now." "Bud won't keep long in this heat." "Reverend, are you sure you don't want a ham?" "I've got three." "No, thank you." "That's kind of you." "It must be a blessing having your daughter with you in your bereavement." "Yes, it is." " You've met Delightful, haven't you?" " Yes, I believe I have." "She's so precious to me." "I can see why." "Being that brother Bud wasn't a regular member of the church I was hoping you'd tell me a little about him that I can include in my remarks." "In your own words, what kind of man was brother Bud?" "Well he was mean." " Mean?" " Mean as a snake." " I see." " And surly." "Surly?" "Sister, I didn't know brother Slocumb well." "But to me he seemed a quiet man." "A man of inner strength." "A man who knew his own mind and was at peace with the world." "A wise, noble, gentle man." "Well, you didn't know him until he got old and sick." "But he was mean, and he was right surly." "Sister, in my experience, it's best to remember the happier times." "Well, they were few and far between." "Let me explain something to you, reverend." "After my two boys were born, I decided to go back to church." "And once we went to a revival meeting." "And I got saved." "And I was so happy." "I came rushing back to tell Bud." "He hit the ceiling." "Cursed me out real good." "And I said, "Bud!" "This is your immortal soul." "If you don't go to that revival meeting it will be in danger."" "He wouldn't have it." "So I said, "Well if that's how you feel I'm just gonna cut you off altogether."" " I beg your pardon?" " Not so much as a warm handshake in 20 years." "Except for that one time." "Well, I believe I have all the information I'm gonna need." "I don't know what I'm gonna say." "Lord knows how I'll get through it." "The humiliation of knowing Daddy Bud died knowing you never made nothing of yourself." "It'll be sad to think that Daddy knew we sold everything to move into that trailer to pay off that dream of yours." "Set that to music, Charisse you'll make everyone cry." "I was just stating the facts, Junior." "I loved him like my own daddy." "You know something, Junior?" "I was just thinking your family never liked me." "Never!" "They're looking down at us just having a good old laugh." "Who ever thought of a machine that cleans parking lots?" "Really!" "All our money right down the crapper." "Whoosh!" "Just gone." "Damn it, boy!" "Damn shoe." "Walk around with one on your foot now." "You know, I could have been a professional." " I had talent." " Talent?" "Let me tell you something else, Mr. Funnyman I could have been lap-tied to your cousin Teddy Wayne and been the wife of a lawyer." "You're pushing it." "But I couldn't think about myself." "I had to listen to my heart and marry a fool." "Who spent all our money on his dream." " I'm gonna kill us, Charisse." " Oh, please!" " I'm gonna kill us." " You ain't gonna kill nobody." "I'm gonna kill us!" "Shut up!" "Just shut up!" "My daddy just died." "I'm 33 years old, I'm dead broke, I've got no money three kids and worst of all I'm married to you." "Now just shut it up!" "I swear before God, one more word about parking lots I will kill you, and me too." "You got that?" "Do you got that?" "You'll have to buy some bullets first." "Put that thing away." "Put it away!" "How dare you pull that out in front of these kids?" "You know your daddy was just playing." "He really love us he just goes through something sometimes." "Right, baby?" "Y'all play nice, now." "I'm trying to make funeral arrangements." "Ray's family will probably ride in the hearse." "So tell Antoine..." "Oh, he does?" "What if one of us drove it?" "Ray Bud's a good driver." "Let's toss him on a truck." "I've gotta let you go, okay?" "I got family coming and nothing to eat." "So I'll stop by later, okay?" "And we'll work out the details." "Thanks, Merline." "What are you thanking her for?" "Damn thieves!" "Ray?" "Antoine and Merline are grave robbers." "Now, Ray, let's just stay calm." "And why is Daddy at Depew's anyway?" "Slocumbs always go to Patterson's." "I don't know, but it's what your mom wanted." "It's revenge." "I'm right where he wants me." "What do you mean?" "Antoine Depew. "P.U." Depew?" "Remember that?" " You started that?" " It followed him all through school." "Ray, you're talking crazy." "You know how I hate funerals, Lucille." "People asking how you feel." " It doesn't matter how people feel." " Honey!" "It's all right." "Okay?" "Just relax." "I know how hard this is." "You and Daddy had some problems." "But we're family." "And we'll get through this together." "Okay?" "There you go." "Speaking of family Marguerite is staying with your mama." " That's good." " Good." "And also Junior's family is staying here." " No!" " Ray Bud, he's your brother." "Not here." "They can go stay at a motel." " They can't afford it." " Is that my fault?" "Did I make him follow that pipe dream?" "You shouldn't talk like that." "He tried so hard." "Face it, Lucille, he's an idiot." "I don't need Charisse's mouth or those demonic kids." "We'll talk about it tonight." "But don't forget the shoes." "Size 10-D." "I'll remember, Lucille." "Okay?" "We're not gonna have any problems, are we?" "We're not gonna have any problems." "But do me a favor." "When I die just bury me out in the backyard." "What is in your mouth?" "What's wrong with you?" "Give me that." "Boy, eat it!" "Let it go!" " Junior?" " What?" " What's this?" " I don't know." "This looks like a woman's earring, but it ain't mine." " Junior!" " What?" "Whose is it?" " Baby, I don't know." " You don't know?" "You want me to help you remember?" "Is that it?" " Ray Bud?" " Yeah?" "It's all just a mystery, huh?" "Life and death." "Yes, it is, Clyde." "Yes, it is." "Ain't easy losing your daddy." "Taught you how to bait a hook." "Teach you right from wrong, bought you your first beer." "We remember the good things." "Yep." "I ought to get back to this carburetor." "We're not just a garage, Ray." "We're your family." "Back when you was a drunken bum, we stood by you." "Paid your bills, lied to your wife." "Family things." "And I sure am grateful for that, Clyde." "Of course, I wouldn't let Antoine and Merline Depew bury my dog, much less my daddy." "So if you have any problems, just give us a call." " Thank you, Clyde, I gotta get back." " Now if you just say the word the Depews will pay more in hearse repair than they make in a year." "Thank you, Clyde." "I'll keep that in mind." "Ray Bud?" "It's your cousin Royce." "This is Ray." "Where are you?" "What did he say?" "He'll get here when he can." "Do you do this to torture me?" "Yeah, Mama." "I siphoned out the gas so we'd have time together." "You're a demon." "The devil incarnate." "IKeep your drawers on, okay?" "Ray Bud is on his way and he can't get here fast enough for me." "So let's just sit here and be quiet for a while." "Jesus got the knob!" "That's cool that's cool." " 'Cause Satan got the key!" " Give me that!" "I cannot believe I spent 17 hours in labor with you!" "You get back here!" "Royce!" "You get back here, boy, before I hurt you!" "We combine a thrifty, no-nonsense approach with a Christ-like sensitivity to answer all your funeral needs." "We have a number of wonderful plans." "Let me tell you about them." "The Eternal Life plan..." "Seventeen hours of unbelievable torment." "Crying out in unbearable agony!" "Would it kill you to do one thing to please me?" " It looks that way." " Since you got fired from that sewage plant, you've been with a bad crowd." "You'll be like your brother." "Leave Lavar out of this." "Maybe you'll end up neighbors in jail." "The two of you can beat on the bars with your tin cups." " I ain't got time for this..." " You wait up, boy!" "There's a gas station down this road." "I'm gonna get some gas." "Go on, get your gas." "Maybe if I'm lucky I'll get killed by some big semi!" "So go on, get your gas." "All right, Mama." "What do you want to talk about?" "Where is your life going?" "Them unemployment checks don't come forever." "Have you thought about that?" "Life isn't just drinking and loose women." " Life is not a good time." " You're proof of that." "Boy, watch your mouth or..." "You straighten up or you'll burn in hell." "You better come up with a plan, and soon." " I got a plan." " Well, what is it?" "You're right." "Those checks won't come forever." "I think about that." "When they stop I'm gonna find me a gal." "A good Christian gal and settle down." "Quit all this foolishness." "I know you want grandbabies." "You've always said that." "I figure I'd have me one or two kids." "So I can get on welfare." "Welfare?" " Is that your plan?" " That's it." "You want to know what I say to that?" "Now, look here I'll throw in the folding chairs this one time." "Return the funeral books in the morning." " Okay." "Bye." " Bye-bye." "Oh, no, no!" "Oh!" "I have people coming." "What am I gonna do?" "I hope they like corn dogs." "Come on, Delightful." " What about this one?" " Whatever you want, Mama." "I like the Diplomat." "Who cares what you like, Satan?" "Does it really matter?" "What you gonna do?" "Put him in a pine box?" "Of course not, Marguerite." " Corn dog, Mama Ray?" " No, thank you." "You a lying, stubborn man!" "Get out!" "Junior?" "Is Charisse all right?" "I think so." "Sometimes she gets these headaches." "That's too bad." "You want a corn dog?" " Thanks, Lucille." " You're welcome." "Take a napkin." " You decide on anything?" " Mama's still thinking." " I like the Heavenly Express." " You do, do you?" " It's pretty." " It seems kind of pricey to me." "You can't be thinking like that, man." "This is our only Daddy and we're gonna do this right." "We ain't gonna worry about cost." " Yeah?" " That's what family's for." " Here's what I think..." " Ray, will you help me in the kitchen?" " Sorry to interrupt." " Charisse!" " How you feeling?" " Not well, Lucille." " My kids driving you crazy?" " No." "They're outside." "Stop that!" "Don't make me come out there!" "I'll beat your ass if your daddy won't." "Lucille, listen can I borrow some nerve pills?" "Sure." "I'll be right back." " Precious..." " Junior!" "Get my shoe." "Yes, ma'am." "Here you go, sweetie." "I'm sorry you're not feeling well." "Mama Ray, I'm the one that's sorry." "'Cause I've watched something I loved shrivel up and die right before your very eyes." "It's sad." " Here you go, Charisse, honey." " Thank you." " You are a comfort." " You're welcome." "Honey, we should just go lay you down in the bedroom so you can rest." "Maybe you're right." "I am feeling a little faint." " Did I just drop something?" " Charisse?" "I believe it's your earring." "This is not mine, Lucille." "Everybody, take a look at this." "I would never, ever wear something so cheap and tawdry!" " Charisse you should be laying down when those pills kick in." "Come on." "All it takes is some thought but I know I know who owns this." "Just a little thought, baby." "I'm gonna find out who it is." "I could have married the rich Slocumb, Teddy Wayne!" " I vote for the Heavenly Express." " So do I." "Now can we talk about headstones before we all die?" "I'm sure you got something to say." "I think it should include some scripture." " My first idea was Ecclesiastes 2:16." " Aunt Marguerite, please!" ""There is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool..."" " Aunt Marguerite, please." " No, no, Ray." "That would be good, Mama." "Look, could we slow down a little?" "For the price of the stone we get the date of birth and death." "More costs extra." " Extra?" " Two bucks a letter." " How many words in that?" " One, two, three..." "That won't cost too much." "It'll be more than you'll kick in." "So what are you saying?" "You saying I won't pay my share?" "It's easy for you to come in here and shoot your big mouth off." " Would he do that for you?" " Yes, he would." "You're dreaming." "This is our last chance to help Dad, and you're being cheap." "It's not all about money." "That's why you don't have two nickels to rub together." "I saw that new used truck outside." "I heard about your trip to Swamp World." " What about it?" " I'd like to take my kids there." " What about that?" " Yeah?" "Those monsters can ride around on your invention in the parking lot." " You talk about my machine, my kids?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "Why you talk about my kids?" "IKnow what?" " At least I got kids." " Okay, tough guy." "Let me go so I can kick your ass!" " Come on!" " Don't let him do that to you!" "Ray!" "Junior!" "Stop it, stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop!" "Don't move at all!" "Come here, Royce." "I want you to take this to Antoine's and tell him that this is what I want on my husband's headstone." "It's 12 letters." "My wallet's in the kitchen." " This is between us, right, Royce?" " Yes, ma'am." "I'm just gonna get some air." "Don't say anything to me." "Sorry, Mama." "How can you act like this when your mama is going through all this?" "Bud would be so upset." "And you, acting like you can't hear me." "You gonna show me that note!" "I can't believe this." "You a real tough guy, ain't you?" ""Mean and surly."" "Damn." "Okay, Aunt Marguerite." "Oh, she's doing fine." "Yeah, okay." "I'll look that one up." "Good night, Junior." "Good night, Lucille." "Hey, Ray." "You got yourself a little taste, man." "Yep." "You told Lucille you quit." "You know how I lie." "Sure is hot out here tonight, Ray." "Damn, reminds me of that time..." "Sit down, Junior." "Thanks, Ray." "Sure do appreciate this." "Sure is funny how things work out, ain't it?" "Oh, yeah." "I just laugh myself to sleep every night." "Look here, Ray." "I didn't mean what I said in there." "I was real sorry to hear Lucille lost that last baby." "I guess she was all tore up about that." "Sorry." "We should just quit trying." "'Cause last time was the absolute worst." "The doctor told her she'd have to lay flat on her back, not move." "We talked about it and decided to give it one more shot." "She went to bed, I went to get her prescription and a bedpan." "Got a chicken bucket in case she had to go while I was gone." "It took longer than I expected, and when I got back she lost it." "In the chicken bucket, Ray?" "Chicken bucket, Junior." "Damn, Ray." "That's the most God-awful story I've ever heard." "It's pretty bad, man." "I was sorry to hear about your business going under." "Thank you, Ray." "So you gonna tell me or not?" "I don't know, it just kind of happened." "I was at the Shop Well parking lot giving a sample cleaning." "And there was this girl loading up her car." "We sort of struck up this conversation." "So I started talking about the machine." "She seemed real interested." "I mean, here I was sitting on top of this big machine like I was its master." "And there was this woman staring at me." "Smiling at me." "You know, making me feel like a man, Ray." "I was in business and I had control of my life." "What happened?" "Aw, Charisse showed up." "She was looking all hot and sweaty with all them kids hanging off of her." "She wanted to talk about house payments, car payments how the kids need this and that." "And the whole time she was talking I watched that woman pack up her stuff and drive away." "And all of a sudden I got this strong desire to just run Charisse over with that machine." "So what happened with the woman, Junior?" "Old Bernice Talbert." " Bernice Talbert?" " Oh, yeah." " Bernice with the?" " Oh, yeah." "Two." "So now what?" "I don't know, Ray." "Things just so messed up now, man." "I gotta get some money." "You will." "You'll figure it out." "Just not tonight." "Junior..." "Why don't you bring your machine over and polish up the driveway on Sunday." "I'll pay you." "If you're not busy." " No, Ray." "Sunday's good, man." " Yeah?" "Thanks, bro." "Hey, Ray?" "I never thought he'd die, man." "Did you?" "Well, friends, it's been another busy day." "And as I rush from place to place offering comfort and counsel to some of our brothers and sisters in crisis catharsis, and confusion I ask myself, "Beverly what is this thing called life?" "Is it nothing but a collection of problems, disappointments and heartache?" "Or do we make it that way with all our wants, needs and desires?" "And if it is, we, ourselves then why do we do it?" "Why don't we realize that the slender and fragile canoe of life can be so easily overturned in the turbulent rapids of the world?" "God's gonna handle your problems." "Why don't we learn to relax?" "And why do we have to call somebody when we're troubled?" "Why can't we just keep it to ourselves?" "God handles your problems." "Listen to him." "Remember, friends our time here is short." "If you feel your life is nothing but unrelenting torture try to make the most of it." "After all, tomorrow is another day." "Yes, call God don't call me." "Well, let's see here." "Friends, tonight, we have a new sponsor:" "Depew's Funeral Home." ""Your Pit Stop to the Afterlife."" "Depew's Funeral Home, where longtime Lula resident Woodrow "Bud" Slocumb is currently in repose." "He sure looks good." "Feets look funny." "My daddy's wearing ballet shoes." "You know Daddy Bud always had arthritis." "When he had his stroke he pointed his toes down and they stayed that way." "New shoes wouldn't fit at all so they just did the best they could." " I'm gonna kill him." " Ray!" " Lucille?" " Hello there, Merline." "Somebody has to organize this food." "And all these people gotta be out of here by 8:15 as there's a Bisons meeting in here." "Just take those to the kitchen and I'll be right in." "Thank you." "So nice of you." "Thank you, I'll be right in." "Go over there and say hello to the people." "You can do it, baby." "I know you can." "Hey, Buster." "Tiny." "Bud's inside." "Go on in." "I'll be back." "Can I get you anything?" "Can you give me back the last 12 years?" "Can you give me back my dreams of a loving, faithful husband?" "Can you do that?" "No." "But I can get you a Pepsi." "Pepsi's fine, adulterer." "Damn it!" "You better run!" "I'll be right back." "Just a minute." "Pepsi, right?" "I love you." "Come on." "Ray Bud." "From your mama." "I think you should see this." ""Mean and surly"?" "They painted you up like a two-dollar whore." "We sure are sorry about Bud." "I'm so glad you and Norval could make it." "He looks better than he did last time." "Since his bypass got done he's improved a lot." "Next month, we're getting rid of that prostate, aren't we?" "It's times like these you find out who your real friends are." "They park that hearse right out on the street, you know?" "Anything could happen to it, catch my meaning?" "I catch your meaning, Uncle Clyde." "Say the word and that thing might just blow up some evening." "Thank you." "Stranger things have happened." "All right, come on." "Let's just go in there and see him." "All right, okay." "Go on ahead." "I'll be right there." "You want me to wait?" "No, I don't want you to wait." "Go on, I'll be in in a minute." "My God, what the...?" "!" "Don't you ever touch me!" "What's the matter?" "Can't you take care of things?" "Now look." "Junior can't keep his pants on." "Your sister won't stop eating, and your wife can't have kids." "I believe what you need is a drink." "My bad, my bad, Ray." "Can't look at him, can you?" "How's she gonna go on, Aunt Marguerite?" "How's she gonna face life without Daddy Bud?" "It's sad when a woman loses her husband." "I remember when I lost my William." "No one to cook for, no one to clean for nobody to talk to over the breakfast table." "And these is my twins, Latanya and Lasagna." "You're so lucky to have those precious babies." "Ladies, just find some space." "That's Tamika, from my second marriage with J.C." "Has anybody seen my sister-in-law?" " Oh, Lord, where has he gone?" " Where?" "Why can't it all be the way it used to be?" "Daddy Bud!" "Come back!" "Come back!" "Get ahold of yourself!" "Let's go freshen you up." "After I irrigate him for about an hour I usually put him out on the porch while I cook." "One time, I left him out there and the mosquitoes ate his butt up." "You getting anything?" "I had the same problem when my daddy died." "I guess seeing him like that made me realize he was gone." "Wasn't no going back." "Gone forever." "Really consoling, thank you." "You know, he looks good." "For a dead man." "You seen Charisse?" "Lucille dragged her to the toilet." "Shoot!" "I ran all the way down to get the Pepsi..." "Would you look at that?" "!" "He looks dead." "You need to look at him." "I'm sure he does." "I'll just leave you fellas here, so you can do your thing." "And, Ray, it helps to remember the good times." "Thank you, Royce." "If you can remember any." "I'll be in the back." "There it is, Ray." "Look at it." "Come on." "It's death." "Look at the Grim Reaper staring you in the face." " Come on, just one..." " No, Junior." "Damn, Ray." "You don't look so good." "Get me out of here." "Now." "What's with the dancing shoes?" "Charisse?" "We're getting kind of backed up out here." "I'll be right there!" "Okay, hurry up!" "Look out, got to go." "Hey, Mom." "Get out of there!" "You just look gorgeous." "Honey!" "I'm just so sorry Teddy Wayne couldn't be here." "He always loved his Uncle Bud so much but his firm is doing so well it just keeps him so busy." "Well, what a shame." "Mama Ray must be torn up." "We got to find her." "I can do this." "I can do this." "I can't do this." "Supper's his big meal of the day if he can keep it down." "But once he gets his bedtime pills he sleeps well." "But I don't get any rest having to turn him every few hours." "You're just so lucky to have him." "I know." "I know." "Where do you want this Jell-O?" "Over there." "You know it's a shame it takes this to bring us together." "Remember Lucille was in my royal court when I was Candy Camp Queen?" "No." "Was that when I was dating Teddy Wayne?" "That was such a long time ago." "But you're right, Juanita." "It's good to know we can come together in a time of sadness." "You are so right, Lucille, so right." "Now." " How can I help?" " Break a nail." "Honey, why don't you go out there and make people happy?" "It's so sweet of you." "Thank you." "I'll do my best." "I could've married Teddy Wayne Slocumb if I wanted to." "I could've been rich and stupid!" "I would've been good at it!" "But look at me." "But who am I now?" "I'm poor and foolish in a trailer." "What happened to me?" "Honey, don't pay no attention to her." "She just thinks she's happy." "Delightful?" "Could you grab that big bowl over there?" "Be careful." "It was my mother's." "You're all right now." "Are you still in your church groups?" "I'm vice president of the Ladies' African Missionary Club." "Get a rag and wipe that off." "Oh, my God." "Delightful!" "Y'all go out front till dinner's ready, about 15 minutes." "Honey?" "People are beginning to talk about you." "You gonna stay in there all night?" "Baby?" "You're the only woman for me." "I knew that from day one." "Remember how we went to Dairy Whiz?" "And I bought that Fizzy Cream you like." "And we sat out on your front yard?" "Talked about our future, feeling so good." "Like we had our whole lives before us." "I don't know, baby." "You know I ain't good at this." "Out in that parking lot, I just lost my head." "And now I'm praying that you might want to take me back." "'Cause if I learned one thing, it's that I'm nothing without you." "You are my world, Charisse." "And I love you." "I love you too, Junior." "You could have told me it was you." "At least it was quick." "Quick's the best way." "You don't want to linger." "That's awful." "Quick." "That's how I want to go." "Car crash." "Bolt of lightning." "Piano falling on my head." "That's what I want." "That's what I want for you." "Me too." "God, we both know there's nothing in that liquor store to help me or anyone." "So if you can start this car before I reach the door handle, I'd appreciate it." "Evening, Ray." "Reverend." "Mrs. Hooker." "We're about to visit your family for a while." "Did you want to follow us?" "You bet, reverend." "Thank you, God." "You seen Royce?" "No, honey." "Not in a while." "I hope y'all can use this." "Well, thank you, Bernice." " No!" "Uh-uh." " We're gonna start real soon, Merline." "We're gonna start real soon." "Delightful, do me a favor put this up where no one can get to it, okay?" " That's a bowl of funk." " It's Bernice's." " Is that Bernice Talbert?" " Uh-huh." " She's a God-awful mess." "She ain't no one's prize and she'll rip that skirt off for anyone." "I saw her not two weeks ago staggering out of some old Cadillac wearing one earring." "Just tacky." " All right, y'all..." " Anyone seen Charisse?" " Bernice Talbert?" " What'd I say?" "My husband did it to that child in the Shop Well parking lot?" "!" "Lord, take me now!" "Don't pay her any mind." "She just likes attention." "Will you quit harping on that?" "Come on, we got a lot of good food here." "We got beans, macaroni and cheese, some yams and somebody even brought us some..." "Who brought this?" "Lucille?" "Honey, what's wrong?" "What am I gonna do?" "What am I gonna do?" "Get out!" "Out!" "Out!" " Lucille?" " Leave me alone!" "Charisse!" "Don't nobody care about your husband and Bernice." "Come out here or I'll sic Delightful on you." " Let me come in for one second." " Leave me alone!" " You don't understand!" " I don't understand?" "You think you're the only one with heartache?" "I have a son in jail!" "You don't see me wallow on the floor, or hiding in a closet." "This closet's taken, you can't have it!" "Move!" "You want anger, lady?" "You listen to me." "We are family!" "We are the Slocumbs!" "And we are gonna serve this dinner with our heads held high if it kills us." "Now you come on." "You come on right here." "Come in, people, get your plates." "We ain't got all day." "I am so glad you could come, reverend." "Mrs. Slocumb, I am sorry and I'm glad I can be here." "I'm just so sorry, Ray." "Thank you, Charles." "Thank you." "I had no idea your daddy was a dancer." "It was a well-kept secret, Charles." "We thank you, Lord, for these blessings." "And last but not least, Lord you know who has done filthy things with Bernice Talbert." "I won't repeat their names, but I could if I was provoked." "Amen." " Amen." "In Jesus' name." "Everyone, step lively." "The Bisons have this room next." "I just wanted to call and make sure you got into the house okay." " We here, Ray." " We'll be home in a little bit." "I sure hated not being able to visit with everybody." "It's just so sweet." "All those people." "Each of them touched in some way by Daddy Bud." "They was touched, all right." "These shirts here are for Junior." "He can't be looking like a scarecrow when he's looking for a job." " About ready to go, honey?" " No." "I wanna talk to Mama for a little while, okay?" " Get some rest." " I will." "Ray." "Mama Antoine told me about the tombstone." "I'm not having it." "It'll say, "Rest in peace."" "Which is 11 letters." "We get a two-dollar credit." "That's it, Mama." "Period." "That's it." "All right." "I understand that." "Well, that's all I had to say." "I'll let you go to bed." "Can you take a minute with me?" " Sure." " I wanna show you something." "Help me up." "Do you remember these?" "Can't say I do." "These were my embroidery scissors." "My mother gave them to me after I married your father." "I used to do all kinds of things with these." "Did all the quilts." "Made clothes for you kids." "Just... everything." "Then one day they just up and disappeared." "I looked everywhere, but I never saw them again." "And yesterday when I was getting Bud's cuff links I found them in with his stuff." "I have no idea why he wanted them." "Never even thought to ask him where they were." "Isn't that funny?" "I guess so, Mama." "It came to me that your father is like these scissors." "We didn't lose him on Wednesday." "We lost your father a long, long time ago." "Did you love him?" "Did you love him?" "Sometimes I loved him, sometimes I hated him." "Ray?" "Sometime when you least expect it a little door is gonna open up inside of you." "And you'll feel just fine about however you feel about your daddy." "'Cause you'll be right." "You'll be able to accept it." " Good night, Mama." "See you tomorrow." " All right." "Mama?" "You sure about that door?" "Absolutely positive." " Lf you need..." " Lucille." "Don't try to fix it." "Let's let it go for a while." "Come on, Delightful." "Royce!" "Wake up." "Where's Aunt Raynelle?" "Why?" "Are you in a hurry, Devil?" "Delightful, come on." "No." "None of that today." "And take that gold thing out your mouth." "Delightful, come on!" "I can't find my good pants!" "Where's the preacher, Mama?" "What's the rush, Ray?" "Antoine and Merline are charging me by the hour." "Ray, go on and find him." "Sit tight." " What's he doing?" " He'll be right out." "I'm going broke waiting for him." "Last night the reverend and Mrs. Hooker went out to that new Mexican restaurant." " So what?" " Well today he's having intestinal difficulty." "I swear I'll go in there myself 'cause I've had enough of this shit." "That is a poor choice of words." "My nerves are getting worse and I don't have my pills." "Just take a deep breath." "Come on." " I'm really trying." " I know." "I'll take care of it, okay?" "Reverend?" "Shouldn't be much longer." "You okay?" " When this thing gonna start?" " In a minute!" "Charisse?" "Honey, where's Junior?" "I don't know." "Ask Bernice Talbert." "Girl, you so funny." "Do you want some gum?" "No, thank you." "I bring sweet gum to weddings and funerals." "I think the rhythm of it sort of lulls me." "Helps my mind wander." "You know what I think about?" "I'm sure you're gonna tell me." "I think about my life." "How every night I tuck in my precious boy in my $800,000 home." "And crawl into my king-size bed, where I lie and wonder where the hell my husband is." "Sure you don't want any?" "Why don't you leave him?" "And go where?" "I have everything I want." "If he loved you..." "Then I might be forced to love him back." "Do you love Junior?" "Do you want him back?" "You don't have to answer." "Just let the gum take its effect." "It'll come to you." "It's hot in here." " That's nice!" " Thank you, girl." "First of all, let me apologize for my tardiness." "I had to call the gas company." "There seemed to be a problem with one of the pipes." "Shall we pray?" "Sorry." "Sorry I'm late." "For God's sake, sit down." "Sit down!" "Heavenly Father we come here today with heavy hearts." "I'm sorry." "As we mark with sadness the passing of our dearly departed brother Bud Slocumb." "Give us peace in our hearts today, Lord." "Guide us through the long night and help us see..." "Okay, you need to handle this." "I'm gonna move." "Now, Father let that tomorrow be a better day than yesterday was." "For what is yesterday but the tomorrow that we could not face the day before." "But God, with your help we will face it like we did today." "Tomorrow and all of our days to come till you call us home to be with you and our beloved brother Bud." " Can everybody say, "Amen"?" " Amen." "I love you, Charisse." "Can't you understand that?" "I love you." "I guess you thought you could waltz in here with a Whizzy Cream and fix everything." "And I would forget about all the pain and humiliation." "Huh, Junior?" "Now, it's your daddy's funeral, okay?" "I'm just supposed to welcome you with open arms and say:" ""I forgive you, Junior"?" "Well, yeah." "I love you, Junior!" " I love you!" " Why'd you do me like that?" "I didn't mean to, baby!" " Why'd you do that?" " I'm sorry!" "That's it!" "That's it!" "Get in the pew!" "Get your ass in that pew!" "Stay there if you want to live!" "That's it!" "Now is there anything else anyone here needs to say or do?" "Does everybody here have everything they need?" "We may be the laughingstock around here." "But for once in our lives we're gonna do something with class and dignity." "All right, reverend." "Take it away." "Okay, there, Ray." "Ain't God good?" "I did not know Brother Slocumb well." "But to me he seemed to be a quiet man." "A man of inner strengths and I believe that..." "I believe if he was here today he'd send a message to his family." "And the message would simply say..." "Would you all mind excusing me for just a minute?" "I'm gonna be right back." "Don't send it over here!" "Daddy always was a man of few words." " I don't care if we have kids." " What?" "It doesn't matter, you're all I ever wanted." "I hate to stop the party but how we gonna have a funeral with no pastor?" "Sit down." "We don't need no pastor." "We've got Ray Bud." "Go up there and say a few things." "Feel that little door opening." " Say it for us." " Go on, baby." "Aunt Marguerite, do you wanna?" "Thank you, Ray." "There seems to be a passage here in Isaiah that says..." "Hey, Ray?" "What about that part from Psalms?" "The part that goes, "When my father and mother forsake me the Lord will take me up." "Teach me thy way, and lead me in a plain path." "Let me see the goodness of the Lord." "Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart." "Wait, I say, on the Lord."" "You got it, Ray." "That was real good, Royce." "I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to tell you all how great a man my father was." "I'm not gonna do that." "I'm gonna do what he would've done." "I'm gonna tell the truth." "My father was a hard man." "I'm not judging him, that's just the facts." "Daddy wasn't real big on soft words." "And I know he wasn't good at expressing what he felt in his heart." "So as I stand here today, I can tell you this." "If I could do one thing all over again I'd tell my father I loved him instead of waiting my whole life for him to tell me first." "So as you step up here today to say your last goodbye to Woodrow "Bud" Slocumb I hope you'll open the door to your heart." "I hope you'll take time to consider the folks that mean something to you." "Because people don't last forever." "They really don't." "And letting a person in is the most cherished treasure this life has to offer." "So I'm proud to stand here today and say that in his own way my father taught me that." " Amen." " Amen." "We are truly lucky to have with us today a member of our family." "Mrs. Charisse Marie Slocumb who will honor her father-in-law in song." "Charisse." " Thank you." " Thank you, Ray." "I haven't sang in a long time." "I know y'all know this, so sing along." "You were wonderful." "Baby, that was good!" "Daddy, I know you always worried about me and the kids but you don't have to anymore, because..." "Charisse's going into the music business." "I'll be her manager." " You think?" " Oh, I think." " Sure does look peaceful, don't he?" " Yes, he does." "Daddy Bud, in about seven and half months from now you might get a little surprise." "We'll name a boy Buddy Ray and we'll name a girl Budeisha Joy." "But don't get your hopes up too high yet." "Bye, Daddy." "Royce, when I go, just put me in a pine box." "Don't spend any money on me." "Not that you'll have any." "Mama, when the time comes try to point your toes down like Uncle Bud did." "So I can bury you with a pile driver." " You're a demon, Royce." " I'm your demon, Mama." "Royce, come on..." "No, you didn't!" "If it starts to get crowded up there, save a place for me." "But not too soon."