"I always got what I wished for back then." "And what I wished for wasn't much... just to be with her forever." "Happy birthday." "Stardate, January 30, 2002." "John Roth Web diary, entry number 19." "A lot can happen in a year, which leaves me here in New York, helping my college roommate run a webcam pornography site:" "Intercon-X." "Connect to our site, choose your fantasy, enter your credit card, and voila... the girl or guy of your dreams, onscreen in full motion video, ready to do whatever it is you desire over a secure, private connection." "She might live halfway across the country or just across the street." "It doesn't really matter, does it?" "The world is a lot smaller than you think. thousands and thousands of people, all broadcasting their lives for us to see... and this is mine." "This is my life." "These are my obsessions." "Now, I want to direct your attention today to a site that I've been tracking for some time now." "There she is." "And the fascinating thing is that you can see her there." "She's getting undressed." "So you know she's online too... right now." "You know how to find her, but you don't really know where she is." "She's just out there somewhere." "And that's pretty much all you know." "You can slip into her room at night, watch her sleeping." "You can stay and watch her wake up in the morning." "You piece together some things, and you've imagined the rest." "But would you really want to meet her?" "Or would that just ruin everything?" "Uh, anyway, that's all for today." "I've been crazy busy lately, so SkyGal68, Baitshop3, anybody else who sent me any e-mails, don't worry;" "I'm not dead yet." "If this is your first visit to Silent City, be sure and sign my guest book." "And if you want to check out AngelCam..." "Hey. or you can link there directly by clicking on John's site of the week." "Hello, geeks." "What's up;" "what's up?" "Of course, you've all met my roommate, Moe." "Hey, you, I know you're all just looking for some really hot, horny lesbian sex, so check out our website, Intercon-X." "Com." "Thank you." "L-N-T..." "wait..." "Intercon-X." "Com." "Real, live women, and they'll really talk to you." "Thank you." "Well, now I forgot what I was talking about, so I guess I should just stop talking." "Um..." "See you next time." "Tell Moe that I had to go." "What?" "I got to go home." "I got to..." "I got to go home..." "I..." "Madison Street?" "Where the fuck am I?" "Oh, shit." "Asphyxiation, masturbation." "That has been explored for the past, like, five years..." "And then I'd burst into flames, right in the middle of the fucking prom..." "Okay, but what if you, like, blow your face off, and you don't die?" "And as I twirled through..." "Ed!" "Ed!" "Moira?" "What's wrong?" "I'm going to do it, Moira." "I'm on the fifth floor." "I'm going to dive right out the fucking window." "Do it, you fucking faggot." "Fuck you!" "Look, you've been whining all night." "Why don't you just turn around and fucking do it?" "Mute those assholes, Ed." "Make us all happy." "Laughing about death." "This is the truth, man." "This is a chat room about death..." "Click mute." "Okay." "Just click mute, Ed." "I'm still figuring out how to work this stupid thing." "All right." "Now, tell me what's wrong." "What do you think?" "I'm on a fucking suicide website." "I want to fucking kill myself." "Okay." "Deep breaths." "Now, you know you're not really going to jump out the window, so... why don't you just tell me what's wrong?" "It's just..." "I thought when God made you a fag, he was supposed to install gaydar as part of the standard options package." "Well, either mine doesn't work or else I'm the only queer in all of Ohio." "Oh, honey." "I mean, I know that you live in North Bumfuck or whatever, but if you're lonely, why don't you just go to Homo." "Com or Queers-R-Us or something?" "What's the point?" "It's like watching the Food Channel when you're starving to death." "Excuse me, how many pills did you just swallow?" "Don't worry." "Just the usual." "So I'm feeling all sorry for myself and getting totally shitty in this dump dive bar in Chinatown, all right?" "When this really sweet guy comes up to me..." "Share, share." "So we're talking and drinking and..." "You, ass-licker." "Oh, shit;" "that's my roommate." "I got to go." "Hang in there, girl." "Bye." "Hang in there, boy." "I can hear you." "You." "Hey, choad munch." "You just using my fucking computer?" "No." "How many times I got to tell you?" "I didn't lay a finger on your precious machine." "Better not have." "What?" "Ah, Edward." "Prompt as usual, I see." "Now, where were we?" "Well, last week, you were saying how you don't allow any stowaways aboard your ship, and how I'd have to find some way to earn my keep or else you'd throw me overboard." "Yes, that's right, Edward." "Now, I do believe that I was training you to be my cabin boy." "Hmm?" "Excuse me, Herr Captain, but didn't you tell me this was a German vessel?" "Silence, schweinehund." "Now, I think that last week" "I taught you how to shine und polish mein boots mit your miserable tongue." "Ahh." "But tonight, I think that you must learn how to polish my knob." "Oh." "Oh, yes, sir." "Yes, yes." "And this is a very, very fragile tool, so you must polish it mit the utmost care." "Schnell!" "Dude, that's her;" "that's her." "I wonder how her personal reads." "Psycho." "Hey, gorgeous." "Oh..." "What are you doing here?" "You told me to come by and see where you worked." "I did?" "Yeah." "I had a great time last night." "You're amazing." "I'm not even talking about the stuff." "Sorry." "It's okay." "I, just, um..." "Oh, god, I didn't think I'd see you again, so..." "Yeah, well." "I'm full of surprises." "Yeah, I bet you are." "Christ." "Hey, did you paint this?" "Huh?" "Oh, yeah, that's mine." "I paint a bit." "It looks like you." "So you're Moe's roommate?" "Yes, roommate and business partner." "Business partner?" "Hey, is this yours?" "Yeah." "That's mine." "You like Silent City?" "Yeah, I love that book." "That's the name of my website." "Your business?" "No, my personal..." "So how's this thing work, anyway?" "You fill out one of these forms and then you what?" "And then, um, if someone wants to meet you, then they tell us, and we tell you." "Cool... hey, dude, you should do one of these." "Yeah, no." "Seriously." "You're a free man;" "come on." "Moe." "John here's a little hung up on his ex-girlfriend." "Fiancee." "Ex-fiancee." "She hasn't given the ring back." "Look; here's one for you, look." ""Likes:" "Good food, hiking, biking."" "That's her sales pitch?" "Doesn't everyone like hiking and biking?" "I hate hiking and biking." ""Dislikes:" "Rude, arrogant people, head games."" "You know what that means." "I'll take the sheet." "Go." "Okay." "Likes:" "Head games." "Please fuck with my head." "Bad childhood?" "Father issues?" "I'm your man." "Whether you were born crazy or just ended up that way," "I'm sure we'll end up dating eventually, so why wait?" "Transform your trauma into great sex." "Break my heart and walk away cured." "Doesn't make me sound too bitter, does it?" "I think I know this girl." "Excuse me." "Hmm." "Hey, can I get a coffee?" "Hey, I know you, right?" "Yeah, I get that a lot." "Good morning, darling bud." "Hey, Al." "Does this mean you're finally coming over to pussy?" "You wish." "I do." "Well, no such luck." "I've already cleared over $500." "Mmm, lucky you." "Any prospects?" "Hey, I'm eating, please." "Hey, I've dated clients before, snob." "Yeah, you've dated everyone before, slut." "Look who's talking." "I've heard some stories about you, grandpa." "Yeah, lies." "Lies and ancient history." "Yeah, yeah." "Anyway, baby, tell me." "How was your date with The Teacher?" "Oh, I learned my lesson all right." "Never answer online personals." "Whatever possessed you, hmm?" "I guess I'm just looking for that thing." "That thing?" "Yeah." "Just once, I want somebody to make me come, damn it... over and over again." "I want to be overpowered, you know?" "Overwhelmed, off the hook..." "Totally out of control." "Poor thing." "I sure wish I could help." "If I was a boy." "So anyway..." "Yeah." "The punch line is" "I don't come once all night, and I wind up back here." "Jilling off to your internet friend, again?" "What can I say?" "Angel's hot, and she doesn't talk back." "I think you've found your soul mate." "No." "Sweetness, that's you." "Aww." "Hey, I got to go." "Play nice." "Ha." "Ha." "Well." "Hello there, stud." "What's your name?" "Oh, shit." "Yeah, I knew I knew her." "Who?" "Who?" "Your little girlfriend there." "She was down at Halcyon." "Her?" "Jordan?" "Yeah." "She must live in the neighborhood." "You, you should ask her out some time." "Yeah, that's a good plan." "No, bro, seriously." "You're always staring at these chicks on the monitor." "Why wouldn't you ask one of them out?" "Dude." "You're like one of those little old ladies who never leaves her apartment, dies, and gets eaten by her cats." "What are you talking about?" "I go out all the time." "Yeah, when I drag you." "It's not like I don't have other friends." "Online." "Look, while I appreciate your concern," "I'd probably take you a little more seriously if you weren't sitting there with your gonads hanging out." "I got a date." "Yeah?" "With who?" "That artsy barking girl?" "Absolutely." "I thought I'd get me a little bit more of that strange." "Whoo!" "You want some?" "Mmm-mmm." "Uh." "Quick observation:" "The thing that sucks about being single is that everyone wants to give you advice." "Everyone wants to set you up with somebody." "I used to be the relationship guy." "Things change." "I guess life's a little tenuous that way." "Hey." "You want to see what me and John do for a living?" "Oh, my God." "You guys make porno?" "No, no, no, no, no, no." "We mostly link people together." "It's kind of like what you do." "Kind of." "People get off on this shit." "We can watch them." "They can watch us." "Us?" "Oh, my God, no, no." "Come on." "No." "Come on." "No, Moe, please;" "I don't want to." "No, look, look, look." "Nobody will know who we are." "All right?" "Look, nobody can see your face." "Now, you said you were up for anything, so..." "No, Moe, please." "I don't..." "I don't want to." "Mmm." "Aw." "You know I like you." "Do it for me." "Do you love me?" "Of course I do." "Now come on;" "it'll be fun." "Say it." "I love you." "I love you." "Oh, baby, yeah." "Oh, yeah, put it in your mouth." "Oh, suck it." "Suck it." "Yeah, just like that." "Check it out..." "No, wait..." "Ahh!" "Whoa." "Ow." "Who-whoa." "Sorry." "Uh..." "Is that my sock?" "Oh, God, no..." "No, whatever." "Uh, no." "Take your time, man." "Um..." "Don't... whoa." "Whoo." "Fuck." "God." "What the hell?" "Hi, there." "I'm Jordan." "What's your name?" "Hi, I'm John." "John Roth." "Yeah, I run the Intercon-X site." "Oh, right." "I knew you looked familiar." "Um," "Listen, John, it's kind of late, so whatever this is about..." "No, I thought you were available." "Yeah, well, I thought you were a client." "I am." "Oh." "Okay." "Oh, no, no;" "that's okay." "No, I like... or, I mean, you look fine." "Or the wig's fine too." "You know, whatever;" "whichever you want." "Okay." "No wig." "It's too itchy anyway." "Okay." "You seem pretty nervous for somebody who watches this stuff all day." "I don't really watch all day." "I sort of just..." "Liar." "Okay, yeah, okay." "I wa..." "I-I watch." "So then," "I guess you must know what I do." "Yeah." "Yeah... no, um." "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." "Wait." "Wait?" "Yeah." "I was kind of hoping I could just... enjoy your company for a little awhile." "Hey, it's your nickel." "It's just..." "this is my first time." "And, um..." "I'm not even sure what I want to do with you yet." "I could suggest a few things." "Yeah, I bet you could." "Hey, you know what?" "I'm going to go get a drink." "Do you want anything?" "I was about to have a glass of wine, actually." "Okay, good." "Why don't you get yourself a glass of wine?" "I'll meet you back here in a few minutes." "Okay." "Chin chin." "Chin." "Mmm." "I got this for you." "So..." "Can I ask you a personal question?" "Not real personal, but what?" "A lot of guys ask you to masturbate, right?" "Yeah." "That's more or less what I do for a living." "But do you ever, you know, get off?" "I mean, for real?" "Sometimes." "If I'm in the mood." "So tell me how it happened the first time." "The first time you came." "Oh." "Yeah." "I remember that." "How old were you?" "Mmm, 11 or 12." "Somewhere around there." "We had this cute substitute teacher, Mr. Parsons, and I was sitting next to him on the bus on a class field trip." "And it was really bumpy and I started getting that feeling again, you know?" "That hot, ticklish feeling in my cunt." "Mmm." "Feels so good." "Are you wet?" "Oh, yeah." "Say it." "I'm wet." "Show me." "Yes, daddy." "Go on." "What happened after that first time?" "You were on the bus." "And I..." "I didn't know what to do." "I wanted to get up, I wanted to run, but I was afraid he'd find out." "So I started crossing and uncrossing my thighs really tight to try to make it stop, but..." "That only made it worse." "Mmm." "Are you getting close?" "Oh, yeah." "It feels so good." "Are you going to come?" "Mmm." "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Really?" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah?" "Uh-huh." "Then stop." "Huh?" "Right now." "Put your hands around the wine glass." "Both hands." "Do it." "But..." "Do what I tell you." "You can get off on your own time." "You're a little weird, you know that?" "Shh." "I like knowing that you have to come." "Mmm." "I like that look on your face." "Asshole." "You're doing it now, aren't you?" "Yes." "You're rubbing your legs together, but it's just not enough, is it?" "No." "It's never enough, is it?" "No." "No." "Poor Jordan." "I watch you." "I see when the clients sign off, you don't even notice, because you have to come so badly." "You need it so much." "Oh." "You're the best lover you've ever had." "Nobody else can make you come like you." "No." "Nobody else but me, right now." "I can let you squirm all night, or I can make you come so hard." "Oh, John." "You want to use your hands?" "John." "Your fingers?" "Yes, please." "Yeah?" "Oh, my god;" "you're so beautiful." "I want to touch you so much." "Oh, John." "Oh, I'm coming." "Fuck it;" "go for it." "Oh, John." "So when do we meet?" "She's going to fuck you in half." "Okay, okay." "She's going to fuck you to pieces." "Okay, shh." "Oh, son." "I don't know." "You don't know what?" "Meeting her." "It just seemed like a good idea at the time, but now..." "What?" "Just, I don't know what got into me that night, but now this girl's going to be expecting some weird Mack Daddy, 9 1 /2 Weeks, sex machine guy and..." "No, I can't." "I can smell the disaster from here." "John, John, John; you have got to meet this girl, or I will never, ever stop giving you shit." "No." "One date." "You, me, Moira, Internet Chick, Halcyon." "No." "It'll be fun." "Seriously." "Dude, you're acting really, you know, weird and dorky about this." "Look, I know you were in love with what's-her-name." "Right?" "You still are." "Whatever." "But you can't stay faithful to a chick who left you, right?" "And I know you don't want to think about this, but she's probably with some other guy right now." "No, she's not." "Dude." "No, I mean she really isn't." "I know she isn't." "Whatever, man." "We're talking one fucking date with a gorgeous fucking chick who's already hot for you." "I mean, why are we talking about this?" "Huh?" "You realize there are guys in Silicon Valley... geeks much richer than you... who never even talk to a real woman?" "Huh?" "Do it for them." "Okay, okay, okay;" "all right, yes." "Good, yes." "I don't know what I was thinking." "Seriously." "Yes, a date with a sexy internet sex girl." "This is a good thing." "Yeah, dude." "I'm starting to worry about you." "Yeah, I know;" "I know." "All that sitting around the computer." "Yes, I have to get out more; yes." "Two for Tron, please." "Hey, how are you?" "$20, please." "My friend's getting fucked tonight." "I mean, don't get me wrong." "Moe is my friend, but that same fucking rap... it just... it's like a broken record." "And even if it's all true, you know, fuck." "I don't nag him about his many, many bad habits and shortcomings." "At least I know what mine are." "And the truth is, you know, for all the notches in his belt," "Moe has never been anywhere near a real relationship." "He doesn't know anything about that intense, miraculous bond that comes along once or twice in a lifetime, if that..." "if you're lucky." "But who knows?" "You know, maybe this new girlfriend will change all that." "She's very attractive... though I have a feeling she keeps her shrink's number on speed-dial." "Hey, Ed." "Hey, girl." "You haven't been hanging around Final Exit, so I figured you were either dead or getting some." "Which is it?" "Oh, Ed." "What?" "I think I'm in love." "Uh-oh." "Here it comes." "It's this guy, Moe." "That's his name:" "Moe." "And he's sweet and cares about me, and he has a real job... sort of..." "And I mean, you're right, you know?" "I'm a good person, and I deserve somebody good." "Ed?" "What's wrong?" "Nothing;" "it's stupid." "I don't even know why I'm upset." "Why?" "What happened?" "Oh, God." "Well, my school had this big party with the worst fucking music in the world." "And all these jarheads and debutantes were in their Gap khakis and baseball caps, laughing, kissing, dancing badly." "And I'm thinking to myself, "Jesus Christ"," ""there are so many of you." ""And all I want is just one person for me." "But no."" "Eventually, it's too much, so I leave campus, and I spend three hours hitchhiking to the big city..." "Akron... 'cause some guy online told me there was a gay club there." "And?" "Have you ever been to a gay bar in Akron?" "Uh, no." "The worst fucking music in the world, same little cliques, same asinine conversations." "By the end of the night, I was so depressed," "I wanted to slit my fucking wrists." "Oh, no, no, no, ;" "sweetheart." "Look, you're going to find somebody." "How?" "Okay, what about online?" "Who told you about the club in Akron?" "This guy in New York." "Well, what about him?" "Hello?" "I just said he lives in New York." "So?" "Do you like him?" "Yeah, but..." "Does he like you?" "I don't..." "What?" "I am so pathetic." "It's amusing, really." "Why?" "Forget it." "Listen, just... thanks for listening to my bullshit." "Ed, are you okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm going to be fine." "Good night, Moira." "Good night." "Mmm?" "Mm-hmm." "Ah." "Herr Edward." "This is not our usual meeting time." "I am thinking that perhaps you have been extra naughty this week, yes?" "No, not really." "No." "Then what do I owe the pleasure of this visit to?" "Hmm?" "I just wanted to talk, if that's okay." "Fair enough." "What would you like to talk about?" "I checked out that club in Akron you recommended." "I recommended a club in Akron?" "Well, not exactly." "You told me about a website that listed gay clubs in Ohio." "When was this?" "A couple months ago." "Huh." "Okay." "So how was the club?" "Terrible." "Oh." "Sorry to hear about that." "It wasn't your fault." "No, I shouldn't think so." "So, uh, what was it that you wanted?" "Do you ever think about me?" "Excuse me?" "I mean," "I know you must talk to tons of guys every day, and..." "I don't even know your real name, but..." "Oh, God;" "forget it." "Thanks." "Oh, my God." "Is that her?" "Right." "Hey." "Hey." "Hi, hey." "Do you want to sit down?" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "You must be freezing." "Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" "My roommate, Moe." "What are you, the chaperone?" "No, no, he's just waiting with me." "Am I late?" "No." "No, not at all;" "no." "So..." "What do you feel like doing?" "Hanging out's fine." "I don't care." "Great." "I could go for a drink." "Whatever." "Yeah, right;" "I'm sorry, of course." "Uh, what would you like?" "Do you, uh... red wine?" "No." "Actually, I'd kill for a Cosmopolitan." "Right, okay." "Um, Moe?" "I'm good, man." "I'll be right back." "Do you have any peppermint schnapps?" "Now, with all the good booze in the world, why would you ever drink that shit?" "Okay, what would you recommend for a date that's going up in flames?" "Manhattan." "Fuel the fire." "Really?" "Mmm, okay." "One of those and a Cosmopolitan." "I like the butterfly on your ass, by the way." "Excuse me?" "Your tattoo." "I noticed it the other day." "You were bending over for a client, so..." "It's really good ink work." "Gee, thanks." "So, how do you know Moe, anyway?" "College." "And then I helped him set up the technical side of his business, and..." "I saw what you did for a living." "Oh, Jesus, really?" "You saw Intercon-X?" "Oh, what?" "Don't be a prude about your own porno website." "So Moe." "Mmm?" "Is that a nickname?" "Yeah, my real name's Lawrence." "Lawrence Curly?" "Yep." "Larry Moe Curly." "That's my name." "Perfect." "How much?" "On the house... prude." "All right, here we go." "Thanks." "Cosmo for you." "Yes." "Manhattan for me." "Skoal." "Oh, did I...?" "I'm sorry." "It's... it's cool." "Forget it." "Sorry." "It's cool." "So I was just telling your roommate about this cool spot on the West Side." "If you want to check it out or whatever..." "Yeah, sure;" "whatever." "And just like that, it was over." "We were five minutes into the date, we'd hadn't said five words to each other, and I already knew I'd blown my shot with Jordan." "Because the eyes..." "the eyes don't lie." "And her eyes were basically screaming," ""Nope, uh-uh, no fucking way."" "Because I wasn't this sexy guy she met online." "I was just another neurotic stranger trying to get into her pants." "And the night went downhill from there." "So, two mojitos and a mango daiquiri later," "I'm completely out of money, which I think Jordan senses, because the next thing I know, she's out on the dance floor, frugging away with every bad fashion trend since the French Revolution." "We had nothing in common except a pair of mutually exclusive orgasms." "That and the fact we both like hiking and biking." "But, man, was she a wonder to behold." "I know we live in a superficial society, and we're obsessed with appearances." "It's what's inside that counts." "But let's give the Devil her due." "Every now and then," "I think even the most enlightened soul would have to agree how exquisite it must feel to be a thing of beauty." "Al." "Hey." "What do you want?" "My name is Al." "Oh." "I was going to say that, yes, Edward," "I think about you quite often." "I enjoy our weekly sessions." "I'd even go so far as to say I look forward to them." "Really?" "I never fib on my own time." "Only when I'm getting paid." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Did you want me to sign back on to your service?" "Do you want me to start telling lies?" "No." "Then let's not bother, hmm?" "Are you sure?" "I mean, I didn't mean to..." "Shh, shh, shh." "It's no trouble." "I must say that you've piqued my interest." "May I ask what prompted you to call me just now?" "Would you be offended if I said desperation?" "No." "It's just been a rough night... rough year... life... whatever." "Poor lamb." "Sleeping alone, are we?" "As usual." "Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk." "So how long has it been, hmm?" "Let's see." "I'll be 20 next month, so that would make it... 20 years." "Hey, come now." "A tasty little morsel like yourself?" "Oh, you're being sarcastic." "I am not." "If I lived in Akron," "I'd snap you up like oceanfront property." "Mmm, mmm, mmm." "It's only seven hours by car." "Oh, once upon a time, but I'm retired now." "Oh?" "Boyfriend?" "You could say that." "What's his name?" "His name was Keith." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Let's not go there, shall we?" "Let's talk about something a little more cheerful, like, um... what do you want to be when you grow up, huh?" "Stable?" "Yes, and?" "Actually," "I'd like to be a vet or work at a zoo or something." "Anything where I don't have to deal with people." "I know the feeling." "Yeah." "I grew up on a farm with some real shit-kickers." "They all thought I was the freak of the week." "Believe me, I understand." "The first time I ever came to Manhattan," "I saw these two buff leather boys French-kissing in public." "Whoa." "I nearly had an aneurysm on the spot." "I'd like to see New York sometime." "Oh, absolutely;" "you must." "We could go to the zoo." "Really?" "Well, I have a vacation coming up in March." "Maybe we should get together?" "A guy?" "You met a guy." "No, no, no." "Is he cute?" "He's not unattractive." "He must be a cutie to shake you up, Mr. Freeze." "Tight, young body; dirty mind; decent cock notwithstanding." "Woof." "Woof." "Yeah, so he calls last night... just to talk." "I just..." "I wanted to wrap him up in my arms just to keep him safe." "You know, maybe make him a nice, warm cup of milk or something, you know?" "Al, you are so goddamned cute right now." "When are you going to meet this guy?" "Darling bud, this is a complete stranger." "I-I don't have strangers over to my apartment." "I don't even have friends over." "Normal people, they don't do that..." "I'm sorry;" "normal?" "Normal?" "Sweetie, I hope you're not under the impression that you're leading some kind of normal, healthy lifestyle?" "Did you ever consider that maybe this is a freebie?" "Like maybe even God thinks you need to get laid, so He's making it as easy as humanly possible... and you're still fucking it up?" "I say "What the hell?"" "If this kid wants to come and visit you, then why not?" "What the fuck do you have to lose..." "Al?" "Al?" "Al, I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to upset..." "Come on, baby." "Play with that pussy." "Play with that beautiful butterscotch pussy for me." "There you go, ;" "yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Ooh." "Oh, yeah, baby;" "you make me so wet." "You make me so fucking horny with your big fucking cock." "Come on, yeah." "Come all over me, baby." "Do it." "Here it comes;" "here it comes." "Here comes the butterscotch." "Yay-y-y-y." "Al, I didn't mean to upset you." "Okay." "Then I'll make a deal with you." "If I'm going to consider doing this... oh, man, and believe me," "I still think it's ridiculous... but if I am, then I want to see you take a risk as well." "Sounds like fun." "What did you have in mind?" "I want to see you on AngelCam." "What?" "I know she excites you." "Yeah, but I..." "Yeah, but nothing." "I don't think you risk your heart enough." "Besides," "I dare you." "Oops." "I think you said the magic words." "Au revoir, baby." "Good luck, sweetie." "All right." "What the hell?" "Anyway, back to my lousy night." "So I'm there at the club." "I don't have enough money to buy myself a frigging Budweiser." "But Moe's girlfriend, Moira, takes pity, buys me a drink." "Come on, man." "Come on, boy;" "get up." "Get up." "No, I don't dance." "Aww." "I can't figure you out." "Why is everyone always trying to figure me out?" "Maybe because they want to get to know you better." "What do you want to know?" "Tell me about your ex." "My fiancee?" "How long were you together for?" "Three years and one month." "Wow." "I've never been with anybody that long." "What's the secret?" "The secret is just caring about the person so much that you're willing to work things out when things get tough, and not just up and leave." "What?" "Nothing." "So how are things going with Moe?" "Good." "Really?" "Yeah." "What?" "What?" "Why wouldn't they be?" "No reason." "Did he say something or...?" "No." "No, I'm glad things are going well." "I have to go pee." "What?" "Bathroom." "Oh, no, I'm fine." "So I wander off to explore the club, wondering how my evening could possibly get any worse... when suddenly it hits me." "I could find my roommate fucking my date on a bathroom sink." "That would be much worse." "Not that I was even especially angry, you know, or surprised, because I'd seen Jordan making eyes at him all night." "But I mean, how much sex does this guy need?" "Holy fucking shit." "Yeah, I figured you hadn't seen it." "I just..." "I don't understand how he could be bored with his new girlfriend already." "That fucking asshole." "Why do guys like you think you can treat me like that?" "No, seriously;" "I'm interested." "Is it that I'm a lousy lay?" "Or is it my personality?" "Or am I wearing a sign that says "Shit all over me"?" "Hey, wait." "Moira, come on;" "wait a minute." "You can't believe this." "Oh, what the fuck are you talking about?" "Of course I believe it!" "It's on the fucking internet!" "All right, listen;" "it's not like the in..." "No!" "No!" "Do not try and worm your way out of this." "I've had it up to fucking here with that shit." "All right, calm down." "Huh?" "Calm down." "You told me that you that loved me, and then you went and fucked her." "You fucked her, and then you came back and fucked me." "You fucking asshole!" "Hey, listen to me;" "listen, all right?" "Listen to what?" "Listen to what, you pathetic shit?" "Hey, wait... what the fuck is wrong with you, huh?" "What the fuck is wrong..." "what, are we married?" "No-o-o;" "no, we're not married." "Right." "We're not going out;" "we're nothing." "You're a fucking joke." "You're a fucking dildo with legs." "I can't even fucking begin to describe what you are." "I'm a joke;" "right, right." "I'm a joke, right." "We barely know each other five minutes and already you're all like, "I love you, Moe."" ""Please tell me you love me, Moe." ""I love you;" "do you love me?" ""Moe, please tell me you love me." "Shut up." "Tell me..."" "Shut up!" "Oh... oh, my God, Moe." "Moe." "Don't you fucking..." "Moe..." "No!" "Fuck it;" "you're right." "I fucking suck." "You fucking figured it out." "I tried to make you happy, but what?" "I'm a fucking asshole." "You're right." "Wait." "No, no way, ; what?" "No; one less asshole in your life, right?" "Congratu-fucking-lations." "All right;" "fine, fine." "Get the fuck out of here, you fucking jerk." "You're a waste of my fucking time anyway." "Good luck with your fucking life, because you're going to fucking need..." "God damn it!" "Please leave a message." "Beep" "Uh, Moe?" "So I know you're there and everything, but um..." "I'm just calling to tell you that I won't call anymore, okay?" "So okay." "Bye." "Hey, Moira." "Oh, hey." "Hey, Eddie." "Oh, wait." "Moira, how many... how many pills are you taking?" "Mmm." "Moira?" "Don't worry." "All right, just the, um... just the usual." "What's going on?" "I'm a fucking wreck." "I thought I could do it, but I can't." "Do what?" "Remember that guy I told you about?" "The one I met online?" "Uh-huh." "Well, he just called, and he invited me to his place in New York." "Well, that's what you wanted, right?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, I did." "But what if he turns out to be a total psycho or something?" "You wouldn't want that." "Nobody wants a psycho." "Tell me about it." "I could wind up as headcheese in this guy's freezer." "Oh, Eddie." "Oh, you little cocksucker." "See, you're scared, but not because you think he's going to kill you." "What?" "You should be scared that... he's not going to love you... that nobody's going to love you." "You're going to end up all alone with nothing." "You know, you're not doing a very good job of cheering me up." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Hey." "Hey, hey." "Moira." "How many pills was that?" "Seriously, girl, how many have you swallowed?" "I don't know;" "a bunch." "Moira, listen to me." "I think you should call 911." "Moira, wake up." "Moira." "Don't worry, daddy." "Can you hear me?" "Moira." "Moira, wake up." "Can you hear me?" "Moira!" "God damn it, Simone." "How many times I got to fucking tell you, man." "Now get the fuck off my fucking computer." "Edward, I was hoping that you'd call." "Al, listen." "This girl I know online just overdosed." "Her name is Moira something." "What?" "You've got to call 911." "She lives in Manhattan somewhere, but I don't know the address..." "knock it off!" "She's on FinalExit." "Net right now!" "FinalEx..." "Final exit." "Excuse me." "Is your name Moira?" "Now, Ernest Hemingway... he didn't mess around." "Excuse me." "Does anyone know who this woman is in the lower left-hand corner?" "Moira?" "Yeah, yeah;" "Moira what?" "What's her last name?" "Who?" "The girl who just broke up with her boyfriend." "Oh, her." "God, I thought she'd never shut up." ""Moe!" "Mo-o-o-o-oe!"" "Moe?" "Oh, fuck." "Back off, scumbag." "I'm packing heat." "Jordan, it's me." "Al?" "Yeah... open up;" "I need your help." "You scared the shit out of me." "Jordan, thank God." "Gee, Al, when I said we should get together sometime," "I wasn't thinking, like, 4:00 a.m." "Yeah, well, you weren't online." "Nice to finally meet you, by the way." "What the fuck are you doing here anyway?" "Okay, you remember the guy you told me about?" "The one you fucked in the nightclub bathroom?" "Oh, which one?" "Moe." "You said he had a girlfriend named Moira?" "Yeah?" "So?" "Is this her?" "Could be." "Why?" "She just overdosed on pills someplace in Manhattan." "I don't know where." "Whoa, I am not trying to..." "Hey, hey, hey." "You are in this too, okay?" "I need her last name so we can call 911." "What is it?" "Moira what?" "I don't know, but I know somebody that does." "Intercon-X?" "Shh." "Moe from Intercon-X?" "You fucked the boss?" "Quiet." "Oh, good." "Hey, John." "John Roth." "Jordan?" "What's up?" "Listen, John, is your roommate there?" "Yeah..." "no." "He's, uh, he's with his girlfriend." "Moira, right?" "Is that her?" "Come on..." "Yeah, it could be; yeah." "She overdosed on pills, and we got to call an ambulance now." "Whoa, whoa, whoa;" "yo, start over." "What?" "Quick, ; do you know where she lives?" "You fucking asshole!" "Moe!" "Hey, everybody." "Say hello to my faggoty-ass roommate, John." "John Harrison Roth from Austin, Texas, whose interests include jerking off into nasty, old sweat socks and fucking over his friends." "Moe." "John." "Stop it." "What are you doing?" "Just telling a bunch of strangers about your personal life, buddy." "It's for my fucking website." "Moira!" "Ooh!" "She has to see your pussy-ass website, you fucking..." "It's my life." "It's my fucking life." "You can have your stupid, little homo page," "But you leave me the fuck out of it!" "Moira!" "Moira!" "What the fuck about her?" "She needs an ambulance." "What?" "Ooh!" "What's her address?" "What's her address?" "Oh, God." "Oh, my God." "Hello?" "Nurse?" "Hello!" "Moira?" "Hello?" "John." "Moira, what's wrong?" "Thank God, um..." "Do you hear that noise?" "What noise?" "L" " I think it's..." "I think it's coming from the TV..." "I can't stop it." "Is that better?" "Yeah." "Thanks." "Huh." "So what did I miss?" "Before or after they pumped your stomach?" "Ug." "Forget I asked." "Um." "Moe's down in the snack bar, so... but they told us you were still asleep." "Yeah, I just woke up." "Oh, right." "Okay, well, I'm going to go down to the snack bar and get him." "Well, wait." "I'm..." "I'd rather if you stayed and talked to me for a little bit." "Oh, okay." "Sure." "Look, I don't know what to say." "Um, you know, what I did..." "I just never thought that..." "I mean, that's just it." "I never thought;" "I just..." "I didn't, you know..." "I didn't think." "Hey, this is not your fault." "I mean, look, I'm officially crazy." "Only in the state of New York." "Yeah." "I really am sorry, Moira." "I know." "And if, you know, there's anything... anything I can do..." "Thanks." "Don't be afraid to ask." "No, it's okay." "I'm okay now." "Yeah?" "Mmm." "Huh." "You know, my dad ended up in a place like this." "He would have me sneak him booze right here in the hospital." "Now that was a guy that didn't want to stick around." "But that's not you, right?" "No." "Good." "I'm glad." "Okay, so according to this," "Doofus always takes the biggest slice of pie for himself, whereas Dandy always offers the best slice to others." "Tsk; frigging Doofus." "I hate that guy." "Yeah." "What... what itches?" "Your nose?" "How's that?" "Thank you." "How about my chin does?" "Your chin?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Kind of my ear does too." "Your ear?" "No, other one." "Inside the ear or, like, on the..." "No." "How's that?" "That's good." "Thanks." "You know, people pay good money to be tied up and have their ears scratched like that." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah, I saw it on the internet." "Oh, shit." "Oh, yeah." "Oh!" "Hey." "Hey." "Where's my monitor?" "Oh, it got busted." "Oh, when you hucked the bottle at it?" "Yeah, uh..." "Anyway." "How's Moira?" "Fine." "What happened to you?" "I left." "Yeah, we guessed that." "I know you're still mad." "I wasn't mad until you attacked me." "Look, I'm sorry." "All right, I was pissed off," "I was drunk, and I overreacted." "Okay." "Still, that was a shitty thing to do." "Excuse me?" "Going after Moira like that." "What?" "What are you talking about?" "Oh, my..." ""I can't believe Moe is already bored" ""with his new girlfriend." "How much sex does a guy need?"" "Come on." "Hey, don't save it for your website." "I'm standing right here." "All right." "Maybe I think Moira deserves better than you." "Better." "And that would be you?" "Maybe." "So, if you want to split up the business or buy me out or whatever," "I've been fucking around with the numbers..." "Moe." "What?" "We're potential millionaires, remember?" "Why fuck that up?" "So we're still partners?" "Partners." "Friends?" "Let me think about that." "Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa." "You got to check this out, though." "This you will love." "Look, I got to get us a beer; wait." "Hey, go pull up the AngelCam screen." "Yo, I don't know if I was hallucinating or what, but the last time I checked, there was this muffdiver who looked exactly like Jordan." "Yeah, this chick right here." "Sleeping with my ex-fiancee." "Her?" "You were going to marry her?" "Dude." "And, just like that, it was over." "All those endless months of missing you, watching you, dreaming about you;" "but never hearing from you, never talking with you," "never touching you." "Are you available?" "You were the ghost in my machine, and maybe I was the ghost in yours." "It's much easier to love an image than a real person." "But we all have a moment where our life is divided, like it or not, into a before and an after." "Everything is different from that moment on, and everything before it fades into the past." "I don't know how or why a person stays in love with a person who doesn't love them back." "Maybe it's hope, maybe it's nostalgia," "or maybe suckers like me just have this love and we have to put it somewhere." "As long as you were alone," "I could bounce that love off your image like a mirror and somehow feel it coming back to me." "But now I can't even pretend anymore." "And I don't want to." "So, good-bye, Angel." "And good-bye, SkyGal68, BlueMoon, Baitshop3, and all you other lurkers, 'cause this is going to be my last entry for a while." "Maybe for a long while." "You almost ready?" "Yeah, I just have to cash out." "Okay." "Well, hello there, stud." "Want to watch me pee?"