""At Sacred Heart, there are certain things you can always count on."" ""Dr. Kelso will systematically break Ted's spirit..."" "Oh, Ted." "I meant to tell you eight months ago, all those days of vacation you saved up expire..." "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..." " Now!" " But sir!" "I was going to visit The Alamo with the guys from my public sp..." "Speaking class!" ""..." "Turk will start a fight with Carla that he'll inevitably lose..."" "I don't understand it." "This wedding is supposed to be about us, how come I can't be comfortable?" "And I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are not wearing sweats!" "All right, fine!" "I don't have to wear sweats, I'll wear the slacks!" "But you know what?" "I'm also wearing the cape, and we gonna have a wind machine, and I'ma be standing on the altar like:" ""I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"" "I'm marrying this!" "This is gonna be my husband!" ""..." "Sean and Elliot will do whatever they can to keep their long-distance relationship going..."" "I love the new camera phone you got us." "Really?" "Did you get it?" "No?" ""..." "And the janitor will think of new ways to torture me."" "Don't open your locker for the next couple of days." "Why?" ""Still, all you need to break the pattern is for something shocking to happen."" ""Like, say, Dr. Cox being in a good mood."" "You know, Kyle, after three long years of watching you climb that transplant list," "I finally have a liver with your name on it." "Check Mr. Iverson into Sacred Heart for the last time, will ya?" ""You see, when Dr. Cox is in a good mood..."" ""Well, it flows out of him like a cool breeze that lifts the spirits of everyone it touches."" "Ohhh, it's gon'ta be a great dayyy..." "Not today!" "Life's too good!" "Chicken." "Come on, Turk!" "I got two minutes left on my break, how long is this surgery gonna take?" "Carla, cut the guy some slack." "Surgery is not as easy as it looks." "I mean, he's gotta make the incision, cut the wrong artery..." "Panic, collapse into a ball of tears in the corner, and after all that he's gotta go wash up..." "Check the board, and find out who he'll be killing after lunch." "It's... a grind." "You know, you're always taking shots at Turk, but you've never really told me what you think of him as a person." "Me-me-me-me, me-me-me-me-meeee..." "Ah, there's the right pitch." "Um, I think that" "Oh... hold that thought." "I would LOVE to hear what you have to say." "I don't think so, there, bowling ball." "Well, you might as well spill it, Carla tells me everything." "Except, of course, about that curling iron you have in your locker." "It slipped!" "It's back!" "Look, if it makes it easier..." "You can just pretend I'm Carla." "I can totally do this." " Carla!" " Wha-at?" "I think that your fiancé is a self-involved, bobble-headed jock itch who is not good enough for you." "Not now, not ever." "Carla, if your wedding ceremony's gonna be in Spanish, then how will I know that you're officially married?" "Because all my cousins will throw tortillas in the air and fire their guns." "Really?" "God, I wish I was ethnic!" ""It's always hard to work with terminally ill patients."" "Ted's helping Maggie with her will." "Thanks again, Ted." "How'd you get through sixty pages so quickly?" "Well, Miss Hibersol, it helps to not really know what you're doing." "Stop it, Ted!" "You're a great lawyer." "OhOhh, I love her." "Maggie, you seem..." "so at peace with everything." "There's really only one thing I'll regret..." "I'm thirty-eight years old and I'm a virgin." " Me too." " Elliot!" "Sorry, sorry." "It's just a reflex from college when I used to play the tambourine in a Christian rock band." "Which was... bull because everyone was sleeping with everyone." " Sorry." " That's okay." "I guess I was just waiting for someone special, and now I feel like..." "I've missed out on one of the fundamental experiences of life for no good reason, you know?" "Is there anything we can do?" "Don't people sometimes pay for sex?" "Oh, boy, do they." "I slept with Jenny Johnson's older brother in high school, and then he decided to tell all of his friends what my orgasm face looked like." "Then three of them posed like that for their yearbook photos!" "Paid for that one for years." "Elliot, I think she means pay "money" for sex." "Oh, I got a story about that, too... not about..." "Me, though, my mom..." "She gets lonely." "Isn't it great being so comfortable with someone, you don't have to talk?" "Hmm." "Anyway, the point is, silence is awesome." "I'm sorry, I'm just a little preoccupied." "I accidentally walked in on my sister and Perry this morning." "Can you imagine?" "Relax, Newbie, the gimp is chained up." "Be careful, though, Randall got loose." "Who?" "Why?" "Powerful tiny fists...." "I gotta get out of there." "You think maybe I could crash at your house?" "Sure." "Just bring your own toilet paper." "It's... kind of a little rule we have with our guests." "Preferably something two-ply!" "How's it going, Danni?" "Great." "I'm crashing at your place tonight." "Oh, cool...." "Bring toilet paper." "I already told her." "How'd you get Dr. Cox to like you?" " Dr. Cox said he liked me!" "?" " No, you're missing the point..." "I need to know three things immediately:" "Where was he when he said it," "What inflection did he use, and had he been drinking?" "You know what, I don't care about the third one," "Sometimes when you've been drinking you're the most truthful." "Okay, look, I know Carla's gonna have her little pre-wedding panic attack, and what if she has her good ol' buddy Dr. Cox there to tell her what a jackass I am, huh?" "Then what?" "You know what?" "I'm glad he was drunk." "Thank you." "How was the liquor store, big guy?" "What're you talking about?" "Your six-pack." "Much love!" "I don't know what you're talking about, there, butch." "I don't know if you're sucking up to me or making a pass at me..." "But I say you skip it and we continue in our state of mutual disdain." "Dr. Cox, you got it all wrong, man!" "I don't disdain you!" "It's quite the opposite, I "dain" you." "Yeah." "I think if you get to know me better, you just might "dain" me, too." "Here that's interesting." "Of course, it's gibberish, but it's--it's interesting nonetheless." "I'm gonna go ahead and..." "Pass, and here's why:" "You're a typical surgeon, and as a rule you guys are insensitive and egotistical and you..." "Have the sense of humor of about a fourth grader." "That's just not true." "Who wants to touch my giant balls?" "Well, your kidneys healed up enough to release you, but no sparring in karate class for two months." "Two months!" "?" "That's a real punch in the crotch!" "Randall, could you stop using that expression?" "Because I can't get it out of my head." "Ladies, explain to me why..." "You are so concerned with my policy on patients having sex in the hospital." " No reason!" " Just curious!" " Trying to learn." " I love you...sir." "Well, why don't we make it the same as my sex policy with my wife:" "Absolutely not!" "Now make me a sandwich." "So, you and Jordan had a kid." "Parenthood's pretty amazing." "Tell you what, you're all set." "Some peon from surgery's gonna come down here... and do your pre-op and then you're good to go." "Room service." "Who ordered the liver?" " Jackass!" " Bite me." "Great guy!" "Hey, Laverne, my girlfriend's coming by, would you mind giving her the keys to my apartment?" "You know, I shacked up with a man before I was married, too." "His name was Jesus." "Our generation has the exact same morals and values as yours." "Come on, Elliot!" "Let's go find ourselves a man-whore!" "See ya." "You know, but she's not moving in permanently." "She's just crashing for a while." " Mm-hmm." " About a year ago, Jordan said she wanted to..." ""crash for a while." Now my office is a nursery," "Ly closet is my office, my clothes are in the entertainment center, and my TV is in the john..." "Which I guess is kind of nice..." "I don't even know anymore." "Same thing happened to me." "After my divorce," "I told Mariana I was going to crash at her place for a few weeks, and we've been sharing a bed for eight years." "Isn't Mariana your mother?" "Hey, who are we talking about here, you or me?" "Lookit, here's the rule, there, porn-star:" "The moment her toothbrush hits your sink, you've got yourself a permanent roomie." "How long will you be staying?" "For a while." "Mmmmm, downy soft." "There'll be toilet paper everywhere!" " Gotta go." " Hey, uh..." "Real sorry about the whole mom situation, there." " She has cold toes." " Aw, Ted, don't be that guy!" "What guy?" "What guyyyy?" "This is so exciting!" "The closest I've ever come to breaking the law was in sixth grade, when Alex Peterson sold his mom's Virginia Slims out of his guest house." " Wow!" "Was he a Blood or a Crip?" " He was Lutheran." "This is it!" "This is it!" "Stop the car!" "Stop the car." "Keep the meter running, we'll be right back." "Ohh!" "What a rush!" "I mean, I have never slept with a prostitute before, but if it is half as much fun as buying one," " Sign me up!" " Hey!" "Quiet down back there!" "Sorry." "Heh..." "Now, even though I won't be performing the transplant," "I am a key member of the surgical team." "It's too complicated to explain what it is I do, but in layman's terms I..." "I guess you'd call it "watching."" " Could you excuse me one second?" " Sure." "I taught him that!" " Well struck, Barry." " Huh..." "Heh..." "Let's, let's finish up here, okay?" " Have you, uh, been smoking?" " No, sir." " Drinking?" " Nope!" "Oh..." "I had a couple of glasses of champagne at my daughter's wedding last month." " But a little champagne's no big deal, huh?" " Naaahhhh..." "Look." "Barry..." "Barry's a..." "he's a great guy." "Yeah." "I totally forgot the rule to the transplant list is no drinking..." " Unless Cox says you're a great guy." " Come on, pally..." "Guy's been on the transplant list for three stinkin' years, this is a no-brainer." "You're right." "He's out." "See, this is why you shouldn't get emotionally invested in your patients." "Now when the dark prince does finally call you home, please..." "Promise me that you'll donate your body to science." "And I don't... mean medical science, I mean NASA." "Because when those buzz-cuts have all but given up on trying to figure out..." "Just exactly what a black hole is, and they get one look at that space where your heart was supposed to be..." ""That's what it is!"" "Hey, champ!" "What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?" "Bob Kelso." "How ya doin'." ""All right, you're just gonna have to tell her she can't move in."" ""It's no big deal, it's not like she has the keys yet."" ""God, I'm horrible at giving bad news!"" ""Wait a sec, I'm a doctor, I give bad news all the time."" ""Just like I did with Mr. Clark this morning."" ""Who does his daughter always remind me of?"" ""Molly Ringwald!" "Heh."" ""Man, she was good in 'The Breakfast Club'." "I should rent that again."" ""Come on!" "Focus!" "You have to tell her!"" ""God, I need something to get me out of it!" "Anything!"" "Hello..." "Yes, this IS J.D.!" "I'd LOVE to pick you up at jail!" " Slim, what are you in for?" " Robbery." " Prostitution!" " Would you please stop enjoying this so much?" "Photo-op!" "Slammer!" "You need to get your arm off me before..." " I throw that phone of yours up in the street." " Why you gotta be playa-hatin'?" "Konnichiwa!" "So who wants to tell me what happened?" "Lucy?" "Ethel?" "Ohhh, hey Dr. Turk, you old..." "Turtle-headed pain in the ass." "Aw!" "Dammit all, Perry, that is SO not what you came down here to say!" "Now you're BETTER than that!" "Turn the car around!" "Oh, so the worm has turned, huh?" "Don't bother." "That's what's wrong with you medical guys..." "You..." "Never..." "Know..." "When..." "To..." "Face reality and realize that things..." "Are never gonna change between us!" "Hell yeah!" "Mm, it's so nice to have real food again." "Elliot, they didn't even feed us." "I love how much you guys care about your patients." "Wow, Danni is so sweet." " What am I worried about?" " You know, Jordan and I are from around here..." "And our friend Chuck's a stripper?" "I'm sure he knows tons of guys... that would love to have sex with your patient." ""What the hell!" "?" "What's it gonna be like when she's at my place!" "?"" "Danni!" "Can you have the guys practice in the other room, please?" "Stop being such a fuddy-duddy!" "Now, who haven't I slept with yet?" "There'll be banana hammocks everywhere!" "Let's roll." "Excellent work, everyone." "Nurse, I know you're new here, so I wanted to offer you... the chance to assist me in a bypass later." "And by that I mean we'd bypass the kissing and go straight to the..." "Oh, my God, you're a dude?" "Sorry, Larry." "Aw, I feel so bad." "Look, I'll make it up to him." "I will hook him up with... that chick!" " Dude, that's Larry again." " Ohhh!" "Oh, hello, and welcome to McSurgeon's." "May I take your order?" ""Yeah, I was thinking about getting a simple operation..."" ""with no unexpected complications, please?"" "Oh, gosh, here I'm sorry, we're fresh out of those." "But..." "If you have a child, maybe you'd like to try one of our Infection Meals!" "That'll be seven thousand dollars please pay at the second window." " You know, I'm really getting sick of this..." " Oh!" "I'm sorry!" "Are you talking?" "Because I've decided to keep my finger on the button, so I actually can't hear anything that's going on in there." "But, for fairness' sake, I've decided to do your end of the conversation." "It goes a little something like this:" ""Blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, cool hip-hop lingo, blah-blah, blah-blah-blah."" "Anyway, I've come up with a whole new plan about Mr. Iverson." "If you wanna take that liver away from him... just because you and I are having some kind of personal beef..." "Then you go and tell the man yourself." "Don't worry, sweetheart, this'll all be over in a second." "Please stop." "Oh!" "It's the hips that fool me." "Hmm!" "Can't believe Chuck gave up stripping to become a city councilman!" " Same job, different outfit." " Pff!" "True dat!" "Elliot!" "You ain't as ghetto as ya think y'are, 'kay?" "Let's go see how Maggie's doing." "Can I help you?" "No." "He told me to say hi." "That's Stephanie, our new transplant patient." "Oh." "And you picked her, so I'm quite sure she is so very nice." "No, actually she's alienated every member of my surgical team." "Sweetheart, you're not even ON the surgical team." "I am a very important part of the team that..." "I am a very important part of the team, thankyouverymuch." "I see, so what, that's... that's it?" "You say she gets the liver and that's the way it goes?" "No, she gets the liver because she followed the rules." "Dr. Cox, I know it's really hard on you medical guys, because you spend most of your time with your patients..." "And you get emotionally attached." "But as a surgeon..." "The person I'm closest to is the guy who's giving us the liver..." "Because it's a gift..." "And I think it's important that it goes to the person that's proven they're up to the responsibility." "Holy cow, I get it." "I gotta collect myself for a moment, here." "That's very touching." "You know I'm right." ""Sometimes we forget that rules are there for a reason."" ""Other times, well..."" " Uh, she's sleeping, sir." " So?" "You know, there's cupcakes down in Pediatrics!" ""Other times, rules are meant to be broken."" " You are so beautiful." " That was worth the wait!" "You are a stallion!" ""And once in a while, you have to throw all the rules out the window..."" ""and know that everything's gonna be okay."" "I feel really good about this!" "Me too!" ""Or not."" ""Of course, some rules are just plain silly."" "Ya got big plans for tonight?" "It's Turk's stupid rule, I don't wanna talk about it." "Hey!" "You never told me what you really think of Turk." "He is a complete tool..." "But I suppose you could do a lot worse." "Thanks..." "Bye."