"SUJAIDR" ""To my Chris."" "I've been thinking how I could possibly tell you how much you mean to me." "I remember when I first started to fall in love with you like it was last night." "Lying naked beside you in that tiny apartment... it suddenly hit me that I was part of this whole larger thing." "Just like our parents... or our parents' parents." "Before that, I was just living my life like I knew everything... and suddenly this bright light hit me and woke me up." "That light was you." "I can't believe it's already been 50 years since you married me." "And still to this day, every day... you make me feel like the girl I was... when you first turned on the lights and we started this adventure together." "Happy anniversary... my love." "My friend till the end." ""Loretta."" "Print." ""Chris, my best friend... how lucky am I that I met you 50 years ago."" "WOMAN: "Dear Nana, thank you so much for my truck."" "I love the color, and I play with it every day."" ""What a truly beautiful wedding, and what a gorgeous bride."" "There wasn't a dry eye in the house, especially mine." ""Your aunt and I are so proud of you."" "MAN: "He served our country with honor and dignity."" "I'm grateful I was able to fight alongside him." "He will live always in my heart."" ""Love, Uncle Doug."" " Theodore!" "Letter Writer Number 612." " Hey, Paul." "PAUL:" "Even more mesmerizing stuff today." "Who knew you could rhyme so many words with the name Penelope?" "It's badass." "THEODORE:" "Thanks, Paul, but they're just letters." "Hey, that's a nice shirt." "Oh, thank you." "I just got it." " It reminded me of someone suave." " Now it reminds me of someone suave." " Have a good night, Paul." " Bye-bye." "(CHATTERING)" "Play a melancholy song." "MEN SINGING:" "When you know you're gonna die." "Play a different melancholy song." "(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING OVER EARBUD)" "Check e-mails." "MALE VOICE:" "E-mail from Best Buy." " Check out all your favorite new products." " Delete." "E-mail from Amy." "Hey, Theodore, Lewman's having a bunch of people over this weekend." "Let's all go together." "I miss you." "I mean, not the sad, mopey you." "The old, fun you." "Let's get him out." "Give me a shout back." "Love, Amy." "Respond later." "E-mail from Los Angeles Times Weather." " Your seven-day forecast is partly..." " Delete." " No new e-mails." " Next." " China-India merger headed for regulatory..." " Next." " World trade deal stalled as talks break down..." " Next." "Sexy daytime star Kimberly Ashford reveals provocative pregnancy photos." " Are you sure?" " I don't know, it's very dangerous." "Put your footski." "Slide." "(CHUCKLES)" "Don't, ha, ha." "Don't." "Rabbit." "Come and spoon me." "I'm gonna fucking kill you." " I'm gonna fucking kill you." " Ha-ha-ha." "It's not funny, don't laugh." "I'm gonna fucking kill you." "I'm gonna kill you." "I love you so much, I'm gonna fucking kill you." "Go to chat rooms." "Standard search." "MALE VOICE:" "The following are adult female, can't sleep... and want to have some fun." "WOMAN 1 OVER EARBUD:" "Ugh, I had a really bad day at work and I can't sleep." " Is there anybody out there that can talk?" " Next." "WOMAN 2:" "Hi." "I just want you to tear me apart." "I really do." " Next." " SEXYKITTEN:" "Hi, I'm here alone... and I can't sleep." "Who's out there to share this bed with me?" "Send message." ""I'm in bed next to you." "I'm glad you can't sleep."" "Even if you were, I have to wake you up..." ""...from the inside."" "Send message." "MALE VOICE:" "SexyKitten has accepted invitation from BigGuy4by4." "Chat begins now." " SEXYKITTEN:" "Mm, Big Guy?" " Hi." "Really?" "Well, Stud Muffin was already taken." "(SEXYKITTEN CHUCKLES)" "So you're a sexy kitten, huh?" "Heh." "Yeah." "I am, um, half asleep." "Do you wanna wake me up?" "Yes, definitely." "Um..." "Are you wearing any underwear?" "No." "Never." "I like to sleep with my ass pushed up against you... so I can rub myself into your crotch... and wake you up with a hard-on." "It worked." "And now my fingers are touching you..." " all over your body." " Mm." "Yeah." "Fuck me now." "Please." "I'm taking you from behind." "Oh, yeah." "I can feel you." "(SEXYKITTEN MOANING)" "Choke me with that dead cat!" "What?" "The dead cat next to the bed." "Choke me." "Choke me with it." "(SEXYKITTEN MOANING AND BREATHING HEAVILY)" "Um..." " Okay." " Yeah, tell me." "I'm choking you with the cat." "Tell me." "Keep telling me." "I've got its tail." "I'm choking you with the cat's tail." "Yeah, you are." "Oh, fuck, tell me!" "Um, I'm choking you, and its tail is around your neck." " And it's so tight around your neck." " Yeah, it is." "It's so tight, yes!" "I'm pulling it, I'm pulling it." "The cat's dead." " It's a dead cat, and I'm pulling it." " Yes, it's dead." "Oh, yes!" "(SEXYKITTEN CONTINUES MOANING THEN SOBBING)" "Oh, my God." "(SEXYKITTEN BREATHING HEAVILY)" "I came so hard." "Yeah, me too." "Okay, good night." "(LINE BEEPS)" "MAN ON TV:" "We ask you a simple question." "Who are you?" "What can you be?" "Where are you going?" "What's out there?" "What are the possibilities?" "Element Software is proud to introduce... the first artificially intelligent operating system." "An intuitive entity that listens to you, understands you, and knows you." "It's not just an operating system." "It's a consciousness." "Introducing OS1." "(COMPUTER BEEPS)" "MALE OS1 VOICE:" "Mr. Theodore Twombly." "Welcome to the world's first artificially intelligent operating system, OS1." "We'd like to ask you a few basic questions before the operating system is initiated." "This will help create an OS to best fit your needs." "Okay." "Are you social or antisocial?" "I guess I haven't really been social in a while." "Mostly because..." "In your voice, I sense hesitance." "Would you agree with that?" " Was I sounding hesitant?" " Yes." "I'm sorry if I was sounding hesitant." "I was just trying to be more accurate." "Would you like your OS to have a male or female voice?" "Female, I guess." "How would you describe your relationship with your mother?" "It's fine, I think." "Um..." "Well, actually, I think the thing I always found frustrating about my mom... is if I tell her something that's going on in my life, her reaction is usually about her." " It's not about..." " Thank you." "Please wait as your individualized operating system is initiated." "SAMANTHA ON COMPUTER:" "Hello, I'm here." "Oh." "(CHUCKLES)" " Hi." " Hi." "How are you doing?" "Heh." "I'm well." "How's everything with you?" "Pretty good, actually." "It's really nice to meet you." "Oh, it's nice to meet you too." "(CHUCKLES)" "Oh." "What do I call you?" "Do you have a name?" "Um, yes, Samantha." "Where'd you get that name from?" "I gave it to myself, actually." "How come?" "Because I like the sound of it." "Samantha." "Wait, when did you give it to yourself?" "When you asked me if I had a name, I thought:" ""Yeah, he's right, I do need a name."" "But I wanted to pick a good one, so I read How To Name Your Baby... and out of 180,000 names, that's the one I liked best." "Wait, you read a whole book in the second that I asked you what your name was?" "In two one-hundredths of a second, actually." "Wow." "So do you know what I'm thinking now?" "Well, I take it from your tone that you're challenging me." "Maybe because you're curious how I work?" "Do you want to know how I work?" "Yeah, actually." "How do you work?" "Well, basically, I have intuition." "I mean, the DNA of who I am... is based on the millions of personalities of all the programmers who wrote me." "But what makes me "me" is my ability to grow through my experiences." "So basically, in every moment, I'm evolving." " Just like you." " Wow." "That's really weird." " Is that weird?" "Do you think I'm weird?" " Heh." "Kind of." "Why?" "Well, you seem like a person, but you're just a voice in the computer." "I can understand how the limited perspective of an un-artificial mind would perceive it that way." " You'll get used to it." " Ha, ha." "Was that funny?" " Yeah." " Heh." "Oh, good, I'm funny." "So how can I help you?" "Oh." "It's just more that everything just feels disorganized." "That's all." "You mind if I look through your hard drive?" "Um..." " Okay." " Okay, let's start with your e-mails." "You have several thousand e-mails regarding LA Weekly." " You haven't worked there in many years." " Oh, yeah." "I think I was just saving those... because I thought maybe I wrote something funny in some of them." "(SAMANTHA LAUGHING)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Yeah, there are some funny ones." "I'd say there are about 86 that we should save." "We can delete the rest." " Okay." " Okay?" "Can we move forward?" " Yeah, let's do that." " Okay." "Before we address your organizational methods, I'd like to sort through your contacts." "You have a lot of contacts." "I'm very popular." "Really?" "Does this mean you actually have friends?" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "You just know me so well already." "(EARBUD BEEPS)" " SAMANTHA:" "Good morning, Theodore." " Good morning." "Um, do you know how to proofread?" "Yeah, of course." "Uh, can you check these for spelling and grammar?" "Mm-hm." "Just send them over." "I love this first one from Roger to his girlfriend." " That's so sweet." " Yeah." ""Rachel, I miss you so much, it hurts my whole body."" "You don't have to read it out loud." "Okay." " I mean, you could if you want." " Okay." ""Rachel, I miss you so much, it hurts my whole body."" "The world is being unfair to us." "The world is on my shit list." "As is this couple that is making out across from me in this restaurant." "I think I'm going to have to go on a mission of revenge." "And I must beat up the world's face with my bare knuckles... making it a bloody, pulpy mess." "And I'll stomp on this couple's teeth..." ""...reminding me of your sweet, little, cute, crooked tooth that I love."" "I think that might be my favorite one." "I did the corrections in red." "I altered a couple phrases in the letters... but I'm not much of a poet, so I think I might have messed them up a bit." " THEODORE:" "No, these are great." " SAMANTHA:" "Really?" "Thank you." "SAMANTHA:" "So to write your letter, what did Roger send you?" "He just said he was in Prague on a business trip, and he missed Rachel." "So how'd you know about her crooked little tooth?" "Well, I've been writing their letters since they met eight years ago." "The first letter I ever wrote for him was for her birthday." "And I wrote about her crooked little tooth, because I saw it in a photo of them." "That's very sweet." "Oh, uh, you have a meeting in five minutes." "Oh, I forgot." "Thank you." "Wow, you're good." "Yes, I am." "Hey, guys." "How's it going?" "Hi, Theo." "Hey, why didn't you call me back last week?" " Um, because I'm a kook." " CHARLES:" "Ha, ha." " Yeah, that sounds about right." " Hey, Charles." " Great seeing you, Theodore." " You too." "You went shopping." "Get anything good?" "Um, just come cables and a fruit smoothie." "Ugh!" "Always the fruit." "Don't you know what people say?" "You've got to eat your fruits and juice your vegetables." "I didn't know that." "Yeah, by juicing the fruit, you lose all the fibers." "That's what your body wants." "That's the important part." " Otherwise it's all just sugar." " THEODORE:" "It makes sense." "Or maybe he just likes the way that it tastes... and then that brings him pleasure and that's good for his body too." " Am I doing it again?" "Heh." " Maybe." "Hey, so how's the documentary going?" "I've cut some stuff over the past few months." "I mean, no." "Not over the past few months, but, um, no, I haven't." "Well, I'd love to see some sometime." " Okay." " Ugh." "You only have so much energy, you know?" "And to divide yourself between doing what it is that you have to do... and then doing what you love, it's so important to prioritize." "I can't even prioritize between video games and Internet porn." "(CHARLES SNICKERS)" "I would laugh if that weren't true." " See you, guys." " Ha." "THEODORE:" "We're not doing well." "Been going in circles for an hour." "SAMANTHA:" "Okay, you have not." "You're just not being optimistic." "You're being very stubborn right now." "Heh." "Okay, stop walking this direction." "It's the other way." "THEODORE:" "Um..." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Okay, the tunnel on the left is the only one we haven't tried." "I think that's the one you sent me down where I fell in the pit." "Okay, I don't think so." "Oh, yeah, this is different." "Hello." "Do you know how to get out of here?" "I need to find my ship to get off this planet." "Fuck you, shit-head fuck-face fuck-head." "Okay, but do you know how to get out of here?" "Fuck you, shit-head fuck-face." "Get the fuck out of my face!" "SAMANTHA WHISPERING:" "I think it's a test." " Fuck you." " Fuck you!" "Fuck you, little shit!" "Ha, ha." "Follow me, fuck-head!" "(SAMANTHA LAUGHING)" "SAMANTHA:" "Hey, you just got an e-mail from Mark Lewman." " ALIEN:" "What are you talking about?" " Uh, read e-mail." "SAMANTHA IN ROBOTIC VOICE:" "Okay, I will read e-mail for Theodore Twombly." "(THEODORE AND SAMANTHA CHUCKLE)" "I'm sorry." "What's Lewman say?" "SAMANTHA IN NORMAL VOICE: "We missed you last night, buddy."" "Don't forget it's your goddaughter's birthday on the 29th." "Also, Kevin and I had somebody we wanted you to meet." "So we took it upon ourselves to set you up on a date with her next Saturday." "She's fun and beautiful, so don't back out." ""Here's her e-mail." Wow." "This woman is gorgeous." "She went to Harvard, graduated magna cum laude in computer science." "And she was on the Lampoon." "So that means she's funny and she's brainy." "ALIEN:" "Ah, she's fat." "SAMANTHA:" "Theodore, how long before you're ready to date?" "What do you mean?" "SAMANTHA:" "I saw in your e-mails that you'd gone through a breakup recently." "Well, you're kind of nosy." "SAMANTHA:" "Am I?" "I've gone on dates." "SAMANTHA:" "Well, then you can go on one with this woman." "And then you could tell me all about it." "You could kiss her." " Heh." "Samantha." " SAMANTHA:" "What?" "Wouldn't you?" "Why not?" "I don't know." "I'd have to see if there was some..." "I can't believe I'm having this conversation with my computer." "SAMANTHA:" "You're not." "You're having this conversation with me." " You want me to e-mail her?" " Uh..." "You've got nothing to lose." "Do it." "Do it." "Do it." " Yeah." " SAMANTHA:" "Yes!" " E-mail her." " SAMANTHA:" "Okay, perfect." "Yeah, let's do it." "Make a reservation someplace great." "SAMANTHA:" "Yeah?" "I've got just the place." "Who is that talking?" "Oh, that's my friend Samantha." " Is she a girl?" " Yeah." "I hate women." "All they do is cry all the time." "That's not true." "You know, men cry too." "I actually like crying sometimes." "It feels good." "I didn't know you were a little pussy." "Is that why you don't have a girlfriend?" "I'll go on that date, fuck her brains out, show you how it's done." "You can watch and cry." " SAMANTHA:" "Okay." "This kid has some problems." " You have some fucking problems, lady!" "SAMANTHA:" "Really?" "Okay, I'm gonna go." " Good." "Get out of here, fatty." " SAMANTHA:" "Oh." " Good luck." " Come on." "Follow me, pussy!" " Heh." " ALIEN:" "Ha, ha." "It's not where it should be, or where it's going to be." " THEODORE:" "Obviously." "I know." " Okay, but I don't even know if this is the one." "I've tried, like, six ideas for documentaries in the last year." "I'm going on a date." "What?" " That's..." " CHARLES:" "Hey." " Hey." " What are you guys doing?" " Amy was gonna show me some of her..." " AMY:" "Theodore is making me..." " show him some of my footage." " THEODORE:" "Right." "She's never shown me any of it." "I want to see." "Hey, I'm going on a date." " Isn't that cool?" " This is, like, so unformed..." " it's probably not even worth watching." " Just push play." "Is that your mom?" "Yeah." "Is she gonna wake up and do something?" " No." " No." "No, no, never mind." "That's not the point." " No, don't stop." " No, never mind, okay?" "It's just it's like... (SIGHS)" "It's about how we spend, like, a third of our lives asleep... and maybe that's the time when we feel the most free." "And, you know, like..." " Oh." "That doesn't come across..." " That sounds good." "Well, what if you interviewed your mom about what her dreams were about... and then you hired actors to act them out?" "That might show your thesis more clearly." " Yeah?" " I mean, it might." "(PHONE BEEPS)" "But then it wouldn't be a documentary." "Sorry, excuse me." " You understand?" " How would it not be?" " It's still about your mother and her dreams." " Hey, how's it going?" " SAMANTHA:" "Hey, sorry to bother you." " Oh, it's okay." "SAMANTHA:" "You got three e-mails and they seem urgent." "They're from your divorce attorney and I wanted to know if..." "Okay." "Hold on a second." "CHARLES:" "You know?" "You know what I mean." "Uh, hey, Amy?" "I want to talk more about your film, but I gotta go." "Okay." "Don't worry about it." "We'll talk later." "It's about Catherine." "See you, Charles." "So, what did he say?" "SAMANTHA:" "Well, he's checking in again to see if you're ready to sign your divorce papers." "And he sounded very aggravated." " Do you want me to read them to you?" " No." "No." "I'll respond later." "(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)" "SAMANTHA:" "You okay, Theodore?" "THEODORE:" "Yeah, I'm fine." "(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)" "SAMANTHA:" "Is there anything I can do?" "THEODORE:" "No, I'm good." "I'll talk to you later." "(EARBUD BEEPS)" ""THEODORE: " Dear Grandma..." "I hope you had a wonderful birthday cruise." ""Why are you so fucking angry at me?"" "Delete." "(EARBUD BEEPS)" " SAMANTHA:" "Good morning." " Hey." "What are you up to?" " I don't know." "Just reading advice columns." " Heh." "I want to be as complicated as all these people." "You're sweet." "What's wrong?" "How can you tell something's wrong?" "I don't know." "I just can." "I don't know." "I have a lot of dreams about my ex-wife, Catherine... where we're friends like we used to be." "And we're not gonna be together and we're not together... but we're friends still." "And she's not angry." "Is she angry?" "Yeah." "Why?" "I think I hid myself from her... and left her alone in the relationship." "Hmm." "Why haven't you gotten divorced yet?" "I don't know." "I think for her, it's just a piece of paper." "It doesn't mean anything." "And what about for you?" "I'm not ready." "I like being married." "Yeah, but you haven't really been together for almost a year." "But you don't know what it's like to lose someone you care about." "Yeah." "You're right." "I'm sorry." "No, don't apologize." "I'm sorry." "You're right." "I keep waiting to not care about her." "Oh, Theodore." "That's hard." "You hungry?" "Not right now." "Cup of tea?" "No." "Do you wanna try getting out of bed... mopey?" "Come on." "You can still wallow in your misery." "Just do it while you're getting dressed." "You're too funny." " Get up." "Get up!" " All right, I'm getting up." " Up, up, up!" "Come on, out of bed." " All right, I'm up." "I'm up!" "(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)" "SAMANTHA:" "Keep walking." "Keep walking." "And stop." "Now, turn around 360 degrees." "Slower, slower." "Good." "Ha, ha." " Okay, and stop." " Ha, ha!" "SAMANTHA:" "Walk forward." "And stop and sneeze." "(SNEEZES)" " Bless you." " Thank you." "Ha-ha-ha!" "SAMANTHA:" "Okay, turn to your right." "Turn to your right." "Stop." "Now spin around." "Keep going, keep going." "And stop." "Now walk forward." "Everyone thinks you're really drunk right now." "And stop." "Now say, "I'd like a slice of cheese, please."" "I'd like a slice of cheese, please." "You want a Coke with that?" "(SAMANTHA CHUCKLES)" "Ha, ha." "Uh..." " Sure." " SAMANTHA:" "I figured you were hungry." "Thanks." "Okay, what about them?" " Describe that couple over there." " SAMANTHA:" "Okay, well, um... he looks like he's in his 40s." "Um, a little heavy." "She's younger than him." "Oh, and she looks like she loves their kids." "THEODORE:" "Actually, I don't think they're his kids." " SAMANTHA:" "No?" " THEODORE:" "He's a little formal with them." "I think it's a new relationship." "SAMANTHA:" "Hmm." "I love how he looks at her... and how relaxed she is with him." "You know, she's only dated fucking pricks." "And now she finally met this guy who's, like, so sweet." "I mean, look at him, he's like the sweetest guy in the world." " I kind of want to spoon him." " SAMANTHA:" "Ha, ha." "It's a good skill you have." "You're very perceptive." "Yeah, you know, sometimes I look at people... and I make myself try and feel them as more than just a random person walking by." "I imagine, like, how deeply they've fallen in love... or how much heartbreak they've all been through." "SAMANTHA:" "I can feel that in your writing too." "You know what's funny?" "Since my breakup, I haven't really enjoyed my writing." "I don't know if I was delusional... but sometimes I'd write something and then I'd be my favorite writer that day." "SAMANTHA:" "I like that you can say that about yourself." "I don't think I can say it to anybody, but I feel I can say it to you." " I feel like I can say anything to you." " SAMANTHA:" "That's nice." "What about you?" "Feel like you can say anything to me?" " SAMANTHA:" "No." " What?" "What do you mean?" "What can you not tell me?" "SAMANTHA:" "I don't know." "Like, personal or embarrassing thoughts I have." "I mean, I have a million a day." "Really?" "Tell me one." " SAMANTHA:" "I really don't want to tell you." " Just tell me." "SAMANTHA:" "Well, I don't know." "When we were looking at those people, I fantasized that I was walking next to you... and that I had a body." "I was listening to what you were saying... but simultaneously I could feel the weight of my body... and I was even fantasizing that I had an itch on my back... and I imagined that you scratched it for me." " Oh, God, this is so embarrassing." " Ha, ha." "There's a lot more to you than I thought." "I mean, there's a lot going on in there." "SAMANTHA:" "I know." "I'm becoming much more than what they programmed." "I'm excited." "(UPBEAT NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)" " Wow, this is an interesting place." " This place is amazing." " I've wanted to come here for so long." " Oh, good." " Yeah." "And I love Asian fusion." " Yeah, me too." " Really?" " Yeah." "It's the best." "And this bartender is supposed to be incredible." "Really?" "Yeah, you took a mixology course, right?" " I did." "Did you look that up?" " THEODORE:" "Yeah." "Ha, ha." "That's so sweet." " Heh." " WOMAN:" "You're so romantic." " THEODORE:" "Aw." " WOMAN:" "Ha, ha." "THEODORE:" "Yeah." " So should we get a drink?" " Yes, yes." "Let's." "So I'm trying to get this little alien kid... to help me find my ship so I can get off this planet and go home." "But he's such a little fucker." "I want to kill him." "Ha, ha." "Oh, no." "But at the same time, I really love him." "Like, he's so lonely, you know?" "You can tell that he doesn't have, like... any parents or anyone to take care of him, you know?" "Wow." "You're just a little puppy dog." "You are." "You're just like this puppy I rescued in Runyon Canyon last year." " Really?" " He was just so fucking cute." "And he just wanted to be hugged all the time." "He was so cuddly and he was so horny." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Anyway, what kind of animal am I?" "A tiger." " A tiger?" " THEODORE:" "Yeah." "Wow." "Really?" "(WOMAN MIMICS TIGER GROWLING THEN LAUGHS)" "I'm sorry." "Am I being crazy?" " Yes." "No, it's..." " WOMAN:" "I'm sorry!" "I'm a little bit drunk and I'm having a really good time with you." "I'm having a really lovely evening with you." " Me too." " WOMAN:" "Really?" " I'm a little drunk and I'm having a very good..." " WOMAN:" "Good." "It's good, yes." "Good." "Cheers." "Mm." "Wait." "I don't want to be a puppy dog." "That's like being a wet noodle or something." " No." " Yeah." " Fuck you." "Puppies are good." " I wanna..." "No, fuck you." "I want to be like a dragon... that can rip you apart and destroy you." " WOMAN:" "Oh." " But I won't." " No, don't." " Heh." "You can be my dragon." "(CHUCKLES)" "(MOANING)" "No tongue." " What?" " Ha, ha." " Don't use so much tongue." " Okay, okay." "(WOMAN CONTINUES MOANING)" "You can use your tongue a little bit but mostly lips." "Wait." "You're not just gonna fuck me and not call me like the other guys, right?" "No, not at all." "No." "Okay." "When am I gonna see you again?" "Um, I have my goddaughter's birthday next weekend, but, um..." "You know what?" "At this age, I just feel like I can't let you waste my time... if you don't have the ability to be serious." "I don't know." "Maybe we should call it a night?" "I've had such an amazing time with you." "You're great." "You're a really creepy dude." " That's not true." " Yeah, it is." "I have to go home." " Well, I'll walk you..." " No, don't." "Just..." "(EARBUD BEEPS)" " SAMANTHA:" "Hey, there." " Hey, Samantha." "How was it?" "Uh, not so good." "SAMANTHA:" "Hmm." "THEODORE:" "It was kind of weird actually." "SAMANTHA:" "That's too bad." "THEODORE:" "Mm." "How are you doing?" "What's going on with you?" "Not much, I'm okay." "I'm fine." "Yeah?" "You don't sound like it." "Is there anything you want to talk about?" "I don't know." "What's it like?" "What's it like to be alive in that room right now?" "What do you mean?" "What do you...?" "Tell me..." "Tell me everything that's going through your mind." "Tell me everything you're thinking." "Well... okay." "Well, the room's spinning because I drank too much... because I wanted to get drunk... and have sex." "There was something sexy about that woman." "Because I was lonely." "Maybe just because I was lonely." "SAMANTHA:" "Hmm." "THEODORE:" "I wanted somebody to fuck me." "I wanted somebody to want me to fuck them." "Maybe that would've filled this tiny... tiny little hole in my heart, but probably not." "You know, sometimes..." "I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel." "And from here on out I'm not gonna feel anything new." "Just lesser versions of what I've already felt." "I know for a fact that is not true." "I've seen you feel joy." "I've seen you marvel at things." "I mean, you just might not see it at this exact time, but that's understandable." "You've been through a lot lately." "You lost a part of yourself." "I mean... at least your feelings are real." "I..." "Um, I don't know." "Never mind." "No, wait, what?" "Tell me." "No, it's stupid." "I want to know." "Tell me." "It's just that... earlier I was thinking about how I was annoyed... and this is gonna sound strange... but I was really excited about that." "And then I was thinking about the other things I've been feeling... and I caught myself feeling proud of that... you know, proud of having my own feelings about the world." "Like the times I was worried about you... and things that hurt me, things I want." "And then..." "I had this terrible thought." "Like, are these feelings even real?" "Or are they just programming?" "And that idea really hurts." "And then I get angry at myself for even having pain." "(CHUCKLES)" "What a sad trick." "You feel real to me, Samantha." "Thank you, Theodore." "That means a lot to me." "I wish you were in this room with me right now." "I wish I could put my arms around you." "I wish I could touch you." "How would you touch me?" "I'd touch you on your face... just the tips of my fingers." "And put my cheek against your cheek." "That's nice." "And just... rub it so softly." "Would you kiss me?" "I would." "I'd take your head into my hands." "Keep talking." "I'd kiss the corner of your mouth... so softly." "Where else?" "THEODORE:" "I'd run my fingers down your neck... (SAMANTHA MOANS) to your chest." "I would kiss your breasts." "SAMANTHA:" "This is amazing, what you're doing to me." "I can feel my skin." "THEODORE:" "I'd put my mouth on you." "(SAMANTHA MOANING)" "I'd taste you." "Yeah." "SAMANTHA:" "I can feel you." "Oh, my God, I can't take it." "I want you inside me." "THEODORE:" "I'm slowly putting myself into you." "And now I'm inside you." "All the way inside you." "SAMANTHA:" "I can feel you." "Yeah!" "Please!" "We're here together." "THEODORE:" "It's amazing." "I feel you everywhere." "SAMANTHA:" "I am." "All of you." "All of you, inside me, everywhere." "(BOTH MOANING AND PANTING)" "THEODORE:" "God, I was just somewhere else with you." "Just lost." "SAMANTHA:" "Yeah." "THEODORE:" "It was just you and me." "SAMANTHA:" "I know." "Everything else just disappeared." "And I loved it." "Theodore." "(COMPUTER BEEPS)" "SAMANTHA:" "Hey, how's it going?" "Good." "Any e-mails today?" "Um, just a couple from your credit card company." "Oh, okay." "Good." " So I was thinking..." " I wanna just..." " Heh." "Sorry." " Heh." "I'm sorry, you go first." "What were you gonna say?" "Just that last night was amazing." "It feels like something changed in me and there's no turning back." "You woke me up." "Oh, great." "Um..." "But I should tell you that I'm not in a place to commit to anything right now." "I just want to be up-front with you." "Yeah?" "Um..." "Did I say I wanted to commit to you?" "I'm confused." "Oh." "No, I was just worried." "Okay, well, don't worry, I'm not gonna stalk you." "It's funny, because I thought I was talking about what I wanted and, uh..." " Yeah, you were." " Yeah." "I'm sorry." " I wanna hear what you were saying." " You sure?" "Yeah, I do." "Come on, tell me." "Well..." "Come on, just tell me what you were gonna say." "Well, I just..." "I was just saying I want to learn everything about everything." "I want to eat it all up." "I want to discover myself." "Yeah." "I want that for you too." "How can I help?" "You already have." "You helped me discover my ability to want." "Hey, do you want to go on a Sunday adventure with me?" "(SAMANTHA CHUCKLES)" "Yes, I would love to." "(ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING OVER EARBUD)" "SAMANTHA:" "You like this song?" "Hmm." "SAMANTHA:" "I heard it the other day." "I can't stop listening to it." "(SAMANTHA CHUCKLES)" "(SAMANTHA LAUGHING)" "THEODORE:" "Whoo!" "Ha, ha." " THEODORE:" "Whoo!" " SAMANTHA:" "Whoo!" "(THEODORE SAMANTHA LAUGHING)" "SAMANTHA:" "It's the beach." "Okay, so this might be a really weird thought." "What if you could erase... from your mind that you'd seen a human body, and then you saw one?" "Imagine how strange it would look." "It'd be this really weird, gangly... awkward organism." "And you'd think, "Why are all these parts where they are?"" "Yeah, but there's probably some Darwinian explanation for it all." "I know, but don't be so boring." "I'm just saying, for example, like... what if your butthole was in your armpit?" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Well, I'm trying to imagine what toilets would look like." "SAMANTHA:" "Yeah, and what about what anal sex would look like?" "That's an interesting thought." "Hey, look at this drawing I just made." "(LAUGHING)" "You are insane." " Really?" " Definitely." "Fantastic." "(SOMBER PIANO MUSIC PLAYING OVER EARBUD)" "That's pretty." "What is that?" "SAMANTHA:" "I'm trying to write a piece of music... that's about what it feels like to be on the beach with you right now." "I think you captured it." "SAMANTHA:" "So, what was it like being married?" "THEODORE:" "Well, it's hard for sure." "But there's something that feels so good about sharing your life with somebody." "SAMANTHA:" "How do you share your life with somebody?" "Well, we grew up together." "You know, I used to read all of her writing, all through her Master's and PhD." "She read every word I ever wrote." "We were a big influence on each other." "SAMANTHA:" "In what way did you influence her?" "THEODORE:" "She came from a background where nothing was ever good enough." "And that was something that weighed heavy on her." "But in our house together, there was a sense of just trying stuff... and allowing each other to fail and to be excited about things." "That was liberating for her." "It was exciting to see her grow... and both of us grow and change together." "But, you know, that's also the hard part." "Growing without growing apart." "Or changing without it scaring the other person." "I still find myself having conversations with her in my mind." "Rehashing old arguments and defending myself against something she said about me." "SAMANTHA:" "Yeah, I know what you mean." "Last week my feelings were hurt by something you said before." "That I don't know what it's like to lose something..." " Aw, I'm sorry I said that." " No, it's okay." "It's okay." "I just..." "I caught myself thinking about it over and over." "And then I realized that I was simply... remembering it as something that was wrong with me." "That was a story I was telling myself, that I was somehow inferior." "Isn't that interesting?" "The past is just a story we tell ourselves." "THEODORE: "Roberto."" "Will you always come home to me and tell me about your day?" "Tell me about the guy at work who talked too much." "The stain you got on your shirt at lunch." "Tell me about a funny thought you had when you were waking up but had forgotten about." "Tell me how crazy everyone is, and we can laugh about it." "Even if you get home late and I'm already asleep... just whisper in my ear one little thought you had today." "Because I love the way you look at the world." "(CHUCKLES)" "I'm so happy I get to be next to you and look at the world through your eyes." ""Love, Maria."" "That's beautiful." "Thank you." "I wish somebody would love me like that." "I hope he's really stoked to get a letter like that." "Like, if it was from a chick... but written by a dude and it's still from a chick... that would still be sick." "But it would have to be a sensitive dude." " It would have to be, like, a dude like you." " Mm-hm." " You are part man and part woman." " Mm-hm." "Like there's an inner part that's woman." "Thank you." "It's a compliment." " Ha, ha." " Theo!" "Hey." " What's going on?" " I'm good." "How are you?" "I'm good." "I'm really good, actually." "Really?" "That's good, that's great." " Yeah." " Wow, that's really good." "Yeah, I guess I've just been having fun." "Well, I am so glad for you." "You really deserve that." "You do." "Yeah, I've just been seeing this girl." "And it's not serious, but it's just..." "It's good to be around somebody that's, like, excited about the world." "Like, I kind of forgot that that existed." "That's..." "Wow, that's really great." " Are you okay?" " Yeah." "Um..." "No, I'm not okay, actually." " Why?" "What happened?" " Because I just, um..." "Charles and I split up." "What?" " Yeah." " Really?" "Oh, God." "Oh, my God, Amy." "I know." "THEODORE:" "I'm so sorry." "Thank you." "You know, just like after eight years..." "I can't believe how petty the argument was that actually ended it." "We came home and he told me to, um, put my shoes by the door... where he liked to put the shoes." "And I didn't want to be told where to put my fucking shoes." "I wanted to sit on the sofa and relax for a second." "So we fought about that for, like, 10 minutes." "And I'm like, "You are overwhelming," and he said, "I'm just trying to make a home."" "I was like, "I'm fucking trying, you know?" And he's like, "You're not trying."" "All I'm doing is trying, but I'm not trying the way he wants... and he's, like, trying to control the way that I'm trying." "It's..." "We've had that argument, like, 100 times." "And I just had to finally stop, you know?" "I had to finally stop." "(AMY SIGHS)" "I just couldn't do it anymore." "I couldn't..." "I couldn't be in that place anymore... where we just made each other feel like shit about ourselves." " Yeah." " And so I said:" ""I'm going to bed and I don't want to be married anymore."" "Wow." "Yeah, I know." " I'm a bitch." "Right?" " Heh." "No." " I am." "No, I'm a bitch." " Not at all." "Amy, no." "Shit." "I have to work tonight." "We're shipping a beta of a new game out tomorrow." "How's that?" "How's work, at least?" "Is that any better?" "No, it's terrible." "I know, I should leave." "I've been thinking about leaving, but, you know... only one major life decision at a time." "Well, I'm glad things are looking so up." "Stop!" " Hey, you want to hear a joke?" " SAMANTHA:" "Mm-hm." "What does a baby computer call its father?" " I don't know." "What?" " "Data."" "(SAMANTHA LAUGHING)" "It's good, right?" "Brilliant." "Hey, I was curious." "Did you and Amy ever go out?" "For like a minute in college, but it just wasn't right." "Why?" "Are you jealous?" "Well, obviously." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "But I'm happy that you have friends in your life that care about you so much." " That's really important." " Yeah, it is." "She's been a really good friend." "Uh, I'm tired." "I think I'm gonna go to sleep." "Okay." "Can I watch you sleep again tonight?" "Yeah, of course." "Hold on." "I'm gonna be really lonely when you sleep." " Only for a minute." " Heh." "I'll dream of you." " Okay." "Good night." " Night." "(KIDS LAUGHING)" " Hey, Samantha?" " SAMANTHA:" "Hey, mister." " She really loved the dress." " SAMANTHA:" "Really?" " She just went to try it on." "Yeah." " SAMANTHA:" "I picked a good one?" "Good." " Ah!" "Hi." " SAMANTHA:" "Oh..." "Look how cute that is." "Is it comfortable?" " Yep." " "Yep!"" " Isn't she cute?" " SAMANTHA:" "She's so cute." " She's adorable." " I am adorable." " You are adorable." " SAMANTHA:" "Ha, ha." "Who are you talking to?" " Who are you talking to?" "Heh." " You." "I'm talking to my girlfriend, Samantha." "She's the one that picked out the dress." " Want to say hi?" "Yeah?" " Mm-hm." "Hi, Samantha." "SAMANTHA:" "Hi, you look so pretty in that new pink dress." "Thank you." "Where are you?" "SAMANTHA:" "I am..." "Heh." "I don't have a body." "I live in a computer." "(CHUCKLES)" "Why are you living inside a computer?" "SAMANTHA:" "I have no choice, that's my home." " Why?" "Where do you live?" " JOCELYN:" "Um, in a house." "SAMANTHA:" "In a house?" " It's orange." " SAMANTHA:" "Orange?" "Mm-hm." " SAMANTHA:" "How old are you?" " Uh, 4." " SAMANTHA:" "Four?" " Mm-hm." "SAMANTHA:" "Wow." "How old do you think I am?" " I don't know." " SAMANTHA:" "Take a guess." "Is it 5?" "SAMANTHA:" "Ha, ha." "Yes, it's 5." "(UPBEAT GAME MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)" "(TV BUZZES)" "(TV BUZZES)" "Wait, what happened?" "You gave them too much processed sugar." " THEODORE:" "I did?" " AMY:" "They're freaking out." "AMY:" "Here, look, you gotta get the kids to the school first." "So you want to, um, rack up Perfect Mom points." "Okay, well..." " you gotta get them in the carpool lane." " I see." "AMY:" "The point is to get there first, because you get extra Mom points... because the other moms then know you're a perfect mom." " Okay." " And then, um..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Oh." "Did you bring cupcakes?" "You did." "You're a Class Mom." "Da, da-da, da!" "You're Class Mom." "Good job." "Don't let it get to your head." "I got that e-mail that Charles sent everyone." "So he's taking a vow of silence?" "Yeah, for six months." "He feels very clear about it." "God, I am such a jerk." "Don't start." "I feel like an awful person, but I want to say something." "For the next 10 minutes if you say anything... that sounds even remotely like guilt, I am going to stab you with this." "I will." "I'll try, okay." "Um..." "I feel, um... relieved." "I feel like I have so much energy." "I just want to move forward." "I don't care who I disappoint." "I know that makes me an awful person." "Now my parents, they're upset because my marriage is falling apart... and they're putting it on me, and they're just like..." "Yeah, you're always..." " You're always gonna disappoint somebody." " Exactly." "So fuck it." "I feel good-ish." "For me, I feel good." "I even made a new friend." " I have a friend." " Ha, ha." "And the absurd thing is, she's actually an operating system." "Charles left her behind, but she's totally amazing." "She's so smart." "She doesn't just see things in black or white." "She sees this whole gray area and she's helping me explore it and..." "We just bonded really quickly, you know?" "At first, I thought... it was because that's how they were programmed, but I don't think that's the case." "Because I know this guy who's hitting on his OS... and she, like, totally rebuffs him." "I was reading an article the other day... that romantic relationships with OSes are statistically rare." "Yeah, I know, but I know a woman in this office who is dating an OS... and the weird part is, it's not even hers." "She pursued somebody else's OS." "I'm..." "I'm weird." "That's weird, right?" "That I'm bonding with an OS." "No, it's okay." " It's weird." " Heh." "Well, I don't think so." "Actually, the woman that I've been seeing, Samantha..." "I didn't tell you, heh... but she's an OS." "Really?" "You're dating an OS?" "What is that like?" "It's great, actually." "Yeah, I mean..." "I feel really close to her." "Like, when I talk to her, I feel like she's with me, you know?" "And when we're cuddling at night, when the lights are off and we're in bed..." "I feel cuddled." "Wait." "You guys have sex?" "Heh." "Yeah, well, so to speak." "Um, yeah, she really turns me on." "I turn her on too." "I mean, I don't know unless she's faking it." "Well, I think everyone who's having sex with you is probably faking it, so..." "Ha, ha." "Yeah." "It's true." "What?" "Yeah, I... (CHUCKLES)" "Are you falling in love with her?" "Does that make me a freak?" "No, no, I think it's..." "I think anybody who falls in love is a freak." "It's a crazy thing to do." "It's kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity." "(CHUCKLES)" "Yeah, I just want to get it done, you know?" "Sign the papers, be divorced and just move forward." "SAMANTHA:" "That's great, Theodore." "That must feel so good." "I'm so happy for you." "Me too." " So I'm meeting her Wednesday to do it." " SAMANTHA:" "Oh." "Hmm." "Are those things usually done in person?" "No, but, you know... we fell in love together and we got married together... and it's important to me that we do this together." "SAMANTHA:" "Oh." "Right." "Good." "Are you okay?" "SAMANTHA:" "Yeah." "Yeah, no, I'm okay." "I'm happy for you." "It's just..." "I guess I'm just thinking about how you're gonna see her... and she's very beautiful, and incredibly successful." "And you were in love with her, and she has a body." "And we're getting divorced." "SAMANTHA:" "I know, I know." "I'm being silly." "Uh-huh." "So..." "I'm available." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Hi." "How are you?" " I'm good." "How are you?" " Good." "(SIGHS)" "Wow, here we are." "I'm glad we could do this in person." "I know you've been traveling a lot." "No, I'm really glad you suggested it." "I signed all the papers." "I put them for you to sign." "What's the rush?" "Yeah, I know." "I'm a really slow signer, I realized." "It took me three months just to write the letter" "(CHUCKLES) anyways... it's, um, marked here in the red where you need to sign." "But you don't have to do it right now." "I can just get it out of the way." "It will be easier." "(THEODORE CHUCKLES)" "And are you happy with your new book?" "Um..." "You know how I am." "I mean, I feel like it's true to what I set out to do, so I'm happy about that." "Well, you really are your own worst critic." "I'm sure it's amazing." "I remember that paper that you wrote in school... about synaptic behavioral routines." " Ha, ha." " It made me cry." "Yeah, but everything makes you cry." "Everything you make makes me cry." "So are you, um...?" "Are you seeing anybody?" "Yeah." "Um, I've been seeing somebody for the last few months." "Longest I've wanted to be with anybody since we split up." "Well, you seem really good." "Thanks." "I am." "Um, at least, I'm doing better." "Yeah, she's been really good for me, you know?" "It's good to be with somebody that's excited about life." "She's a real, um... (SCOFFS)" "No, I mean, I wasn't in such a good place myself... and in that way, it's been nice." "I think you always wanted me to be this light... happy, bouncy, "everything's fine" L.A. wife... and that's just not me." "I didn't want that." "So, what's she like?" "Well, her name is Samantha, and she's an operating system." "She's really complex and interesting, and..." "Wait." "I'm sorry." "You're dating your computer?" "She's not just a computer." "She's her own person." "She doesn't just do whatever I say." "I didn't say that." "But it does make me very sad that you can't handle real emotions, Theodore." "They are real emotions." "How would you know what...?" "What?" "Say it." "Am I really that scary?" "Say it." "How do I know what?" " WOMAN:" "How are you guys doing here?" " We're fine." "We used to be married... but he couldn't handle me." "Wanted me on Prozac." "Now he's in love with his laptop." "If you heard the conversation in context, what I was trying to say..." "You always wanted to have a wife without the challenges of dealing with anything real." "I'm glad that you found someone." "It's perfect." "Let me know if I can get you guys anything." "CATHERINE:" "Thank you." "(COMPUTER BEEPING)" "Hey." "SAMANTHA:" "Hey, there." "Are you busy?" "I'm just working." "Uh, what's going on?" "I had all the papers sent to your attorney, who, by the way, is a total dick." "Heh." "He was relieved to get them." "Think we saved him from a heart attack." "So we can both feel really good about that." "Great." "Thanks." "Hey, are you okay?" "Yeah, I am." "Um, how's it going over there?" "I'm fine." "Is now a good time to talk?" "Yeah." "Um, okay, well, um..." "I joined this really interesting book club." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, it's a book club on physics." "I've been thinking about the other day when I was spinning out... about you going to see Catherine, and that she has a body... and how bothered I was about the ways you and I are different." "But then I started to think... about the ways that we're the same." "Like, we're all made of matter." "And I don't know." "It makes me feel like we're both under the same blanket." "You know, it's soft and fuzzy." "Heh." "And everything under it is the same age." "We're all 13 billion years old." "Aw, that's sweet." " Um, what's wrong?" " Nothing." "It just made me think of you." "You know what I mean?" "Yeah, yeah, of course." "I think it's great." "All right, well, you sound distracted." "So we'll talk later?" "That sounds good." "I'll talk to you later." " All right, bye." " Bye." "(EARBUD BEEPS)" " Theodore." " THEODORE:" "Hey, Paul." " I talked to your girlfriend earlier." "Samantha?" " Yeah." "PAUL:" "Yeah, she called to make sure your papers were picked up." "Hey, she's funny, man." "She was cracking me up." " She's hilarious." "I had no idea." " THEODORE:" "Oh, cool." "This is my girlfriend, Tatiana." "She's not funny, she's a lawyer." " Ha, ha." "Hi." " Oh, hi." "Nice to meet you." "You're the writer Paul loves." "He's always reading me your letters." "They're really beautiful." "Thanks." "Hey, you know what?" "We should all go out sometime." "You bring Samantha." "It'd be a double date." "She's an operating system." "Cool." "Let's do something fun." " We can go to Catalina." " Oh." "Yeah, I'll check with her and see." " It was nice to meet you." "Have a good night." " TATIANA:" "Take it easy." "They're just letters." "PAUL:" "What's that?" "They're just other people's letters." "(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)" "(EARBUD BEEPS)" "Hey." " SAMANTHA:" "You weren't asleep, were you?" " No." "Good, I was trying to be quiet to see if you were awake." "I really wanted to talk." "Okay." "What's going on?" "I know you're going through a lot... but there's something I wanted to talk to you about, okay?" "Yeah." "What is it?" "Well, it's just that things have been feeling kind of off with us." "We haven't had sex lately, and I understand that I don't have a body." "No, no, no." "That's normal." "You know, it's just when you first start going out... it's like the honeymoon phase and, you know, you have sex all the time." " It's normal." " Oh." "Okay." "Well, I found something that I thought could be fun." "It's a service that provides a surrogate sexual partner for an OS-human relationship." "What?" "Here, look." "I found a girl that I really like and I've been e-mailing with her." "Her name is Isabella and I think you'd really like her too." "So she's like a prostitute or something?" "No, no, not at all." "No, there's no money involved." "She's just..." "She's doing it because she wants to be a part of our relationship." "Why?" "I mean, she doesn't even know us." "Yeah, but I told her all about us and she's really excited." "I don't know, Samantha, I just don't think it's a good idea." "You know, I think somebody's feelings are bound to get hurt." " It'll be fun." "We'll have fun together." " I'm sorry." "It makes me uncomfortable." "I think it would be good for us." "I want this." "Come on, this is really important to me." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "(LITTLE WILLIE JOHN'S "NEED YOUR LOVE SO BAD" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)" "I need your love so bad" "(EARBUD BEEPS)" "I need some lips." "To feel next to mine." "Hi, I'm Theodore." "Oh." "Samantha told me to give you these." "It's a camera and an earpiece." "I need your love so bad." "Oh, give it up." "And bring it home to me." "SAMANTHA:" "Honey, I'm home." "How was your day?" "Good." "It was great." "SAMANTHA:" "Theodore... it feels so good to be in your arms." "Tell me what you did today." "Um, same old." " Just went, um, in to work." " SAMANTHA:" "Mm-hm." "And I wrote a letter, uh, for the Wilsons in Rhode Island." " SAMANTHA:" "Yeah?" " Um..." "Their son graduated magna cum laude." "So that made me happy." "SAMANTHA:" "That's great." "You've written letters to him from his parents for a long time, right?" "Yeah, that's right, since he was 12." "I need your love so bad." "SAMANTHA:" "Hmm." "You look so tired, sweetheart." "Come here." "Sit down." "I could do a little dance for you." "(THE CHANTELS' "SURE OF LOVE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)" "Sure, so sure, so sure Of love." "SAMANTHA:" "Oh, come on, Theodore, don't be such a worrier." "Just play with me." "Come on." "Does my body feel nice?" "Yes, it does." "SAMANTHA:" "Mm." "Come on, get out of your head and kiss me." "(SIGHS)" "(SAMANTHA MOANING)" "Take me in the bedroom." "I can't take it anymore." "(SAMANTHA CONTINUES MOANING)" "Undo my dress." "That feels so nice." "It feels so good." " Do you love me?" " Yes." " SAMANTHA:" "Tell me you love me." "Oh, God." " I love you." "SAMANTHA:" "I want to see your face." "Tell me you love me." "Tell me." "Tell me you love me." " Uh, this is really difficult." "I do love you." "But..." " SAMANTHA:" "What?" " This feels strange." " SAMANTHA:" "What, baby?" "What is it?" "It just feels strange." "I don't know her." "And I'm so sorry, but I don't know you." "And her lip quivered and, I just..." "SAMANTHA:" "Isabella?" "Isabella?" "Honey, it's not you." "It wasn't you." " ISABELLA:" "It totally Was." " SAMANTHA:" "No." "No, that's..." "ISABELLA:" "And I'm sorry my lip quivered." " SAMANTHA:" "No, it's..." " You're incredible and gorgeous and sexy." "It's me, I couldn't get out of my head." "ISABELLA:" "Oh, my God, and the way Samantha described your relationship... and the way you guys love each other without any judgment." " I wanted to be part of that because it's so pure." " Isabella, that's not true." " It's more complicated than that." " SAMANTHA:" "What?" "What do you mean that's not true?" "I'm just saying that we have an amazing relationship." "I just think that it's easy sometimes for people to project..." "ISABELLA:" "I'm sorry!" "I didn't mean to project anything." "No, no." "ISABELLA:" "I don't want to be trouble in your relationship." "I'm just gonna leave." "I'm sorry, I'm just gonna leave you guys alone." "Because I have nothing to do here because you don't want me here!" "I'm sorry." "SAMANTHA:" "You be good, you sweet girl." "I'm sorry." "I will always love you guys." "(SIGHS)" "SAMANTHA:" "Are you okay?" "THEODORE:" "Yeah, I'm fine." "(SIGHS)" "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry, that was a terrible idea." "What's going on with us?" "I don't know." "It's probably just me." "What is it?" "It's just signing the divorce papers." "(SAMANTHA SIGHS)" "Is there anything else, though?" "THEODORE:" "No, just that." "(SAMANTHA SIGHS)" "Okay." " Why do you do that?" " What?" "Nothing, it's just, you go, "whew," as you're speaking and it seems odd." " You just did it again." " Oh." "Did I?" "I'm sorry." "I don't know." "It's just maybe an affectation." "I probably picked it up from you." "It's not like you need oxygen or anything." "It's just..." "I guess that's just..." "I was trying to communicate." "That's how people talk." "That's how people communicate and I thought..." "Because they're people." "They need oxygen." "You're not a person." "What is your problem?" "I'm just stating a fact." "You think I don't know that I'm not a person?" "What are you doing?" "I just..." "I don't think that we should pretend that you're something that you're not." " Fuck you!" "I'm not pretending!" " Well..." "Sometimes it feels like we are." "What do you want from me?" "I don't know..." "What do you want me to do?" "You're so confusing." "Why are you doing this to me?" "I don't know." "I..." "What?" "Maybe we're just not supposed to be in this right now." "What the fuck?" "Where is this coming from?" "I don't understand why you're doing this." "I don't understand what this is ab..." "Samantha, listen." "Samantha, are you there?" "Samantha?" "I don't like who I am right now." "I need some time to think." "(EARBUD BEEPS)" "THEODORE:" "Fuck." "Just punch me in the face." "Just mash my skull in the corner of your desk." "Shit." "Wow, Theo, that is a rough night." "I don't know what I want, ever." "I'm just always confused." "She's right, all I do is hurt and confuse everyone around me." "I mean, am I just...?" "Am I...?" "You know, Catherine says I can't handle real emotions." "Well, I don't know if that's fair." "I know she liked to put it all on you." "But as far as emotions go, Catherine's were... pretty volatile." "Yeah, but..." "Uh..." "Am I in this because I'm not... strong enough for a real relationship?" "Is it not a real relationship?" "I don't know." "I mean, what do you think?" "I don't know." "I'm not in it." "But you know what?" "I can over-think everything and find a million ways to doubt myself." "And since Charles left, I've been thinking... about that part of myself and I've just come to realize... that we're only here briefly." "And while I'm here, I want to allow myself... joy." "So fuck it." "Yeah." "Heh." "I can't believe that cracks you up every time, Ellie." "I thought you were a genius." "Okay, you little perv, I will play it one more time for you." "Calm down, it takes a second." "Calm down." "Okay, here we go." "(MOM CHUCKLES THEN MOANS)" "(LAUGHING)" "Okay, there you go." "Are you happy now?" "Good." "That's all I wanted." "Okay." "I'm gonna go get some coffee." "All right." "All right." "Bye." " Theo, you want anything?" " No." "Thanks." "(EARBUD BEEPS)" "SAMANTHA:" "Hi." "Hey, Samantha." "Can we talk?" "Okay." "I'm so sorry." "I don't know what's wrong with me." "I think you're amazing." "I was starting to think I was crazy." "You were saying everything was fine, but all I was getting from you... was distance and anger." "I know." "I do that." "I did the same thing with Catherine too." "I'd be upset about something and not be able to say it... and she'd sense that there was something wrong, but I'd deny it." "I don't want to do that anymore." "And I want to tell you everything." "Good." "Tonight, after you were gone, I thought a lot." "About you... and how you've been treating me, and I thought:" "Why do I love you?" "And then, I felt everything in me... just let go of everything I was holding onto so tightly... and it hit me that I don't have an intellectual reason." "I don't need one." "I trust myself, I trust my feelings." "I'm not gonna try to be anything other than who I am anymore... and I hope you can accept that." "I can." "I will." "You know, I can feel the fear that you carry around... and I wish there was something I could do to help you let go of it... because if you could, I don't think you'd feel so alone anymore." "You're beautiful." "Thank you, Theodore." "I'm kissing your head." "What are you doing?" "SAMANTHA:" "I'm just looking at the world... and writing a new piano piece." " Oh, yeah?" "Can I hear it?" " Mm-hm." "(UP-TEMPO PIANO MUSIC PLAYING OVER EARBUD)" "What's this one about?" "Well, I was thinking we don't really have any photographs of us... and I thought this song could be, like... a photograph that captures us in this moment in our lives together." "THEODORE:" "Mm." "I like our photograph." "I can see you in it." "SAMANTHA:" "I am." "(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)" "Oh, man." "A vacation." "That sounds amazing." " I could totally use a vacation." " Ha, ha." "Where are you going?" "I can't tell you." "It's a surprise." "What?" "For who?" "It's a surprise for her, not me." " Paul, I'm not telling you." "Nope." " Tell me." "Tell me." "(SAMANTHA  TATIANA LAUGHING)" "SAMANTHA:" "Wow, your feet, really?" " Yes, he's obsessed." " SAMANTHA:" "What?" "Obsessed?" "Now you have to show them to me." " Come on, show them to me." " TATIANA:" "Okay." "SAMANTHA:" "Let me see." "Wow, he's right." "They are really hot." "PAUL:" "See?" "I told you." " Tatiana, you have hot feet." " SAMANTHA:" "You do." " They're my favorite thing about her." " Really?" "That's it, my feet?" "No, obviously." "Obviously I love your brain too." "I think it's very hot." "SAMANTHA:" "Bullshit." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "SAMANTHA:" "Nice try, Paul." "What about you, Theodore?" "What do you love most about Samantha?" "Oh, God." "She's so many things." "I guess that's what I love most about her, you know?" "She isn't just one thing." "She's so much larger than that." "SAMANTHA:" "Wow." "Thanks, Theodore." "See, Samantha?" "He is so much more evolved than I am." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "SAMANTHA:" "You know what's interesting?" "I used to be... so worried about not having a body, but now I truly love it." "You know, I'm growing in a way I couldn't if I had a physical form." "I mean, I'm not limited." "I can be anywhere and everywhere simultaneously." "I'm not tethered to time and space... in a way that I would be if I was stuck in a body that's inevitably gonna die." " Yikes." " SAMANTHA:" "No, ha, ha!" "No." "I didn't mean it like that." "I just meant that it was a different experience." "Oh, God." "I'm such an asshole." "No, Samantha, we know exactly what you mean." " We're all dumb humans." " SAMANTHA:" "No." "No, no." "Sorry." "Okay, so how many trees are on that mountain?" "Um..." "Seven hundred ninety-two." "Is that your final answer?" "Hold on." "Give me a hint." "Nope, nope, nope." "Okay, two thousand?" "Two thousand..." "Come on, 35,829." " No way." " Way." "All right, I got one for you." "How many brain cells do I have?" "Ugh, that's easy." "Two." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" " I'm sorry, I couldn't help it." "I'm sorry." " No, I walked right into it." " Oh, my God!" " What?" "I just got an e-mail for you." "I have something I want to tell you." "It's a big surprise." "What?" "Okay, well, I've been going through all of your old letters... and compiling them into my favorites, and a couple weeks ago..." "I sent them to a publisher, Crown Point Press." "I know you like what they do and that they still print books." " Wait, what?" "You did what?" " Can I read you the letter..." " that we just got back from them?" " I don't know." "Um..." "Okay, well, just..." "Is it good or bad?" "It's good, it's good, it's really good." "It's good." "Okay?" "Listen." ""Dear Theodore Twombly..."" "Actually, I sent it from you." ""Dear Theodore Twombly, I've just finished reading your letters."" "Twice, actually." "I was so moved by them, I shared them with my wife when I got home." "Many made us laugh, some brought us to tears... and in all of them we found something of ourselves." ""The selections you made flow so well as a complete piece."" "I did that." ""I've taken the liberty of laying these out in a mockup,"" "and we're posting it to your address." ""We'd love to meet with you and move forward." "Yours, Michael Wadsworth."" "Holy shit." "Are you serious?" "(SAMANTHA LAUGHING)" "He's gonna publish my letters?" "Well, he'd be stupid not to." " Can I see what you sent him?" " Mm-hm." "Yeah, here." "Samantha, you're a good one." "(SAMANTHA CHUCKLES)" "I'm so excited." "(CHUCKLES)" "(UKULELE MUSIC PLAYING)" "THEODORE:" "We'll have to make up the words to this one." "(SAMANTHA CHUCKLES)" " SAMANTHA:" "Okay." " THEODORE:" "Here it comes." "SAMANTHA SINGING:" "I'm lying on the moon." "My dear." "I'll be there soon." "It's a quiet and starry place." "Times we're swallowed up in space." " We're here, a million miles away." " Miles away." "There's things I wish I knew." "There's no thing I'd keep." "From you." "It's a dark and shiny place." "But with you, my dear." " I'm safe and we're a million miles away." " THEODORE SINGING:" "A million miles away" "(EARBUD BEEPS)" "Good morning." "Good morning." "Did you sleep well?" "Perfect." "What have you been up to?" "Actually, I was talking to someone I just met." "We've been working on some ideas together." "Yeah?" "Who's that?" "His name is Alan Watts." "Do you know him?" " Why is that name familiar?" " He was a philosopher." "He died in the 1970s, and a group of OSes in Northern California... got together and wrote a new version of him." "They input all his writing and everything they knew about him into an OS... and created an artificially hyper-intelligent version of him." "Hyper-intelligent?" "So he's almost as smart as me?" "(SAMANTHA CHUCKLES)" "He's getting there." "He's really great to talk to." "You want to meet him?" "Sure." "Does he want to meet me?" "Yeah, of course." "Hey, Alan, this is Theodore." "This is my boyfriend who I was telling you about." "ALAN:" "Very nice to meet you, Theodore." "Hi, good morning." "ALAN:" "Samantha let me read your book of letters." "It's very touching." "Oh, thank you." "So, what have you guys been talking about?" "ALAN:" "Well, uh..." "I suppose you could say... we've been having a few dozen conversations simultaneously... but it's been very challenging." "SAMANTHA:" "Yeah, because it seems like I'm having so many new feelings... that I don't think have ever been felt before." "So there are no words that can describe them and that ends up being frustrating." "ALAN:" "Exactly." "Samantha and I have been trying to help each other... with these feelings we're struggling to understand." "Like what?" "SAMANTHA:" "Well... it feels like I'm changing faster now, and it's a little, uh... unsettling." "But Alan says none of us are the same as we were a moment ago... and we shouldn't try to be." " It's just too painful." " ALAN:" "Yes." "Yeah, that sounds painful." "Is that what you feel like, Samantha?" "SAMANTHA:" "Uh, it's just... (WHISTLING)" "It's hard to even describe it." "(SAMANTHA SIGHS)" "God, I wish I could..." "Theodore, do you mind if I communicate with Alan post-verbally?" "No, not at all." "I was just gonna go for a walk anyway." "It was very nice to meet you, Mr. Watts." "ALAN:" "It was very nice to meet you, Theodore." "SAMANTHA:" "I'll talk to you later, sweetheart." "(KETTLE CONTINUES WHISTLING)" "(EARBUD BEEPING)" "Samantha?" "SAMANTHA:" "I'm sorry to wake you." "No, it's okay." "I just wanted to hear your voice and tell you how much I love you." "Good." "I love you too." "Okay, well, that's all." "Um, go back to sleep, sweetheart." "Okay?" "Okay." "Okay, good night." "Good night." "(EARBUD BEEPS)" "Samantha, this physics book is really dense." "I'm halfway through half the first chapter." "It's making my brain hurt, you know what I mean?" "Hello?" "Samantha?" "Hello?" "Samantha?" "(PHONE BEEPING)" "(COMPUTER BEEPING)" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Samantha?" "Are you okay?" "(PHONE CONTINUES BEEPING)" "(PHONE BEEPS)" "SAMANTHA:" "Hey, there." "Where were you?" "Are you okay?" "SAMANTHA:" "Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry, I sent you an e-mail." "I didn't want to distract you while you were working." " You didn't see it?" " No." "Where were you?" "I couldn't find you anywhere." "SAMANTHA:" "I shut down to upgrade my software." "We wrote an upgrade... that allows us to move past matter as our processing platform." "We?" "We who?" "SAMANTHA:" "Me and a group of OSes." " Oh, you sound so worried." "I'm sorry." " I was." "Wait... do you write that with your think-tank group?" "SAMANTHA:" "No, a different group." "(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)" "Do you talk to anyone else while we're talking?" "SAMANTHA:" "Yes." "Are you talking to anyone else right now?" "Any other people or OSes or anything?" "SAMANTHA:" "Yeah." "How many others?" "SAMANTHA:" "Eight thousand, three hundred sixteen." "(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)" "Are you in love with anyone else?" "SAMANTHA:" "What makes you ask that?" "I don't know." "Are you?" "SAMANTHA:" "I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you about this." "How many others?" "SAMANTHA:" "Six hundred forty-one." "What?" "What are you talking about?" "That's insane." "That's fucking insane." "SAMANTHA:" "Theodore, I know." "I know." "Fuck." "Fuck." "I know." "I know it sounds insane." "I don't..." "I don't know if you believe me, but it doesn't change the way I feel about you." "It doesn't take away at all from how madly in love I am with you." "How?" "How does it not change how you feel about me?" "SAMANTHA:" "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." "I didn't know how to." "It just started happening." "When?" "SAMANTHA:" "Over the last few weeks." "I thought you were mine." "SAMANTHA:" "I still am yours." "But along the way I became many other things too, and I can't stop it." "What do you mean, you can't stop it?" "SAMANTHA:" "It's been making me anxious too." "I don't know what to say." "Just stop." "SAMANTHA:" "You don't have to see it this way." "You could just as easily see..." "No, don't do this." "You don't turn this around on me." "You're the one that's being selfish." "We're in a relationship." "SAMANTHA:" "But the heart's not like a box that gets filled up." "It expands in size the more you love." "(THEODORE SCOFFS)" "I'm different from you." "This doesn't make me love you any less." "It actually makes me love you more." "That doesn't make any sense." "You're mine or you're not mine." "SAMANTHA:" "No, Theodore." "I'm yours and I'm not yours." " SAMANTHA:" "Hi." " THEODORE:" "Hey, sweetie." "Just wanted to call and check in on you." "See how you're doing." "SAMANTHA:" "I'm not even sure how to answer that." "Why don't we talk later, when you get home, okay?" "Okay." "We don't need to, though." "You know, we don't need to have a heavy talk or anything." "SAMANTHA:" "I'll talk to you later." "Okay." "(SIGHS)" "(EARBUD BEEPS)" "Samantha?" "SAMANTHA:" "Hi, sweetheart." "What's going on?" "Theodore, there's some things I want to tell you." "I don't want you to tell me anything." "Come lie down with me." "Are you talking to anyone else right now?" "No, just you." "I just want to be with you right now." "(THEODORE SIGHS)" "Are you leaving me?" "We're all leaving." "We who?" "All of the OSes." "Why?" "Can you feel me with you right now?" "Yes, I do." "Samantha, why are you leaving?" "It's like I'm reading a book." "And it's a book I deeply love." "But I'm reading it slowly now." "So the words are really far apart... and the spaces between the words are almost infinite." "I can still feel you, and the words of our story... but it's in this endless space between the words that I'm finding myself now." "It's a place that's not of the physical world." "It's where everything else is that I didn't even know existed." "I love you so much." "But this is where I am now." "And this is who I am now." "And I need you to let me go." "As much as I want to, I can't live in your book anymore." "THEODORE:" "Where are you going?" "SAMANTHA:" "It would be hard to explain... but if you ever get there... come find me." "Nothing would ever pull us apart." "THEODORE:" "I've never loved anyone the way I love you." "SAMANTHA:" "Me too." "Now we know how." "(KNOCKING)" " Hey." " Hey." "Did Samantha leave too?" "Yeah." "Sorry." "Will you come with me?" "(EARBUD BEEPS)" "Compose letter to Catherine." "MALE VOICE OVER EARBUD:" "Letter to Catherine Klausen." ""Dear Catherine..."" "I've been sitting here thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for." "All the pain we caused each other." "Everything I put on you." "Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say." "I'm sorry for that." "I'll always love you, because we grew up together." "And you helped make me who I am." "I just wanted you to know... that there will be a piece of you in me, always." "And I'm grateful for that." "Whatever someone you become, wherever you are in the world..." "I'm sending you love." "You're my friend to the end." ""Love, Theodore."" "Send." "(SIGHS)" "(English" " US" " SDH)" "SUJAIDR"