"Rocketed from a distant planet, to a bold new destiny on Earth, found by a Kansas family and raised as Clark Kent, he learned he possessed the strength of steel, the speed of light and the desire to help all mankind." "He is Superboy!" "[man] Traffic's backed up on the northbound expressway." "All other routes are moving along nicely." "The current temperature's an even 70." "It looks like another beautiful day, Capital City." "And now it's time for America's number one syndicated talk show, the Judy Hour." "And here's your host, Judy Donatello!" "Thank you, Bob." "I am so excited." "Today is our first day on our new satellite system and have we got a show for you." "It's all about bizarre relationships." "Now I'm not talking about opposites attracting or anything quite as simple as that," "I'm talking about full out bizarre relationships." "I'd like you to meet our first couple." "They met four years ago when Chris arrested Mike for aggravated assault." "Lex, check this out." "Bizarre relationships." "Doesn't that hit close to home?" "Will you shut up?" "I'm trying to think." "You know, that's all you ever do anymore." "I'm trying to figure out ways to get ride of Superboy so we don't have to spend the rest of our lives hiding like cockroaches." "As long as we're together." "Well, I guess it pays to have a good lawyer now, doesn't it?" " [screaming] - [clamoring]" "They met in a way that was really..." "there's no other word for it." "Bizarre." "[clamoring]" " You called Bizarro?" " [screaming]" "No, no, no, please, no." "Please, Bizarro, don't!" "You say Bizarro?" "No, bizarre relationships." "That's what I said." "That what I want." "A relationship?" "You want a relationship?" "Bizarro want someone to love." "Lex, I know you told me to shut up, but look at this." "What, that inane talk show..." "Nobody love Bizarro." "Hold the phone." "That's Bizarro." "Me only want someone to love." "Someone to love." "[laughing]" "This guy is beautiful." "You must be joking." "Whoever falls for this guy would have to be as ugly as he is." "You know, darling, you may not be as dumb as you look." "But hopefully, he is." "[laughing]" "[man] Come in." "Come in!" "Those articles on..." "Mr. Jackson." "Mr. Jackson." "My paycheck." "I know it's here." "Somewhere, probably have $1,000 down here by now." "Those articles on the Bigfoot sighting," "I distributed them." "You've been an intern here for what, two weeks?" "It's clear to me you have mastered the fine art of copying." "Now the big question is how are you at filing?" "OK, I guess, but I was really hoping..." "Later for that." "Right now what I need is for you to help me find a report on cattle mutilations." "This one?" "For God's sake, how'd you find it?" "Archaeology's my minor." "[telephone rings] [woman] Mr. Jackson, your new intern is here." "Kent, go get her, bring her in here." "New intern, sir?" "Is there something wrong with the work I've been doing?" "Kent, would you look at this stuff?" "There is enough work here for a battalion of interns." "Mr. Jackson." "He's right in there." "Good luck." "Thanks, but I won't need any." "Hey, Clark." "Surprised to see me?" "Well, yeah, but all of the places to take your internship, why the Bureau?" "Because of what you do here." "You mean filing, copying, getting coffee." "No way." "I'm not doing any of that." "See, this place has all the answers about UFOs, psychic phenomenon, monsters." " I really haven't..." " And maybe even Superboy." "Superboy." "Yeah, what could be more extra normal than him?" "Wouldn't you like to know more about it?" "I would." "So would I." "[telephone rings]" "Hello." "Bureau for Extra Normal Matters." "Ritter speaking." "What?" "You gotta be kidding." "On the Judy Show?" "So if you're here for action and adventure, forget it." "You're an intern." "You're not an agent." "You get coffee." "You cover reports and you stay out of our hair." "You know, the Bureau has every high tech gadget you could want, except a lousy cable connection." "If you'd open your eyes." "Lang, this is Matt Ritter, one of the Bureau's finest field agents." "We've already met." "Dennis, you should see this." "[grunting]" "Oh, my God." "It's that thing they created at Schuster University." "An imperfect copy of Superboy." "The file said it left earth." "Evidently, he's back." "Bizarro need someone." "Bizarro, what are you doing here?" "Everyone has someone to love." "Everyone but Bizarro." "Easy, Bizarro." "Easy." "Remember me?" "I'm your friend." "Bizarro has no friend." "Somebody's gonna get hurt." "Me hurt." "You picked a heck of a time to take a lunch break." "The phones haven't stopped ringing since that Bizarro clown did his guest shot on the Judy Show." "Have there been sightings?" "No, but you got other things to worry about, like the phones." "I went to Schuster to pick up the duplicator." "It's not there." "Stolen?" "Gotta be." "Hold on." "Artie, stay with it." "You, man the phones." "You got more important things to do?" "No, I guess not." "Well, that's 12 of them." "That oughta do it." "I just don't get it, Lex." "Why bizarro pigeons?" "They're bizarro homing pigeons." "I'll give you a hint." "Birds of a feather..." "Flock together." "Ahh." "Lex, I think it worked." "Bizarro!" "Well, I see you must have caught up with one of my winged messengers?" "Pretty birds make me sad." "Other birds stay away from them." "Why you make birds, to make Bizarro sad?" "No, no, no, no." "I made them so that I could find you so that I could make you happy." "You make Bizarro happy?" "If you make me happy." "How me make you happy?" "It's simple." "Kill Superboy." "Why you want me kill Superboy?" "He do nothing to Bizarro." "He do nothing to Bizarro?" "Have you looked at yourself lately?" "He made you look like that." " No." " Yes, he was jealous." "He knew that an exact replica would be too much competition." "So he made you look, well..." "Ugly?" "It's a strong, but if you think it fits." "Me ugly." "That why Bizarro am lonely." "All the awards, the testimonial dinners." "He didn't wanna share all that, and the women." "He certainly didn't wanna share the women." "Superboy?" "You're as good as he is." "You're better." "You're gifted." "You're unique." "Most people have to work at it, but Superboy had everything handed to him on a silver platter." "Now you tell me what's most important." "Good looks or character?" "But how killing Superboy get me someone to love?" "As soon as he's dead," "I'm going to make someone just for you." "See?" "You make me happy, I make you happy." "You make Bizarro happy?" "Yes, yes." "Now there's just one small problem." "We're gonna have to generate lots of energy." "I mean, the machine can handle birds and flowers and things like that, but in order to make you a whole woman, we're talking about a major energy supply like, well, Kryptonite, which they house happen to have an ample supply of" "at the Schiff Military Research Institute." "Now I want you to force them to put it all inside this lead box." "See, that'll protect you from the radiation." "Me not need." "Kryptonite not hurt Bizarro." "Kryptonite not hurt Bizarro?" "Wow, I'm loving this guy more and more." "Damnedest thing I've ever seen." "I don't suppose we could broil it and make believe we never saw it?" "[Lana] Mr. Jackson." "We're busy." "We're busy." "We thought this was important, sir." "We've been getting calls about weird white birds exploding in the sky." "[explosion] [men and women shouting]" "Are you OK?" "Sure." "That was pretty incredible, Clark." "I didn't know you had it in you." "I usually don't." "There's got to be some rational explanation for those birds." "There is." "They're bizarro duplicates and they're unstable." "You mean like old dynamite?" "Sometimes they blow up right away and sometimes it takes a while." " You can never tell." " Unpredictable." " Like Bizarro." " Why isn't he blown up?" "Superboy exposed him to a piece of Bizarro Kryptonite and it stabilized him." "Then whoever's using the machine must not know about that." "Apparently not." "[alarm blaring]" " Clark, what is it?" " You OK, man?" "Yeah, I just need a little air." "The kid is right." "Let him go home, get some rest." "As a matter of fact, take tomorrow off, Clark." "[screams]" "Luthor am right." "You always try to beat me for being happy." "Luthor." "Go back to old jail without Kryptonite." "Luthor make wife for Bizarro." "Bizarro, no." "He's trying to trick you." "No." "Luthor help Bizarro." "And now me kill Luthor." "[gasps]" "[grunts]" "Get Kryptonite like you asked." "Superboy try to stop me." "Him dead." "Superboy is dead?" "Just like that?" "[laughs]" "I don't supposed you'd be offended if I asked to see the body." "First, you make me someone to love." "OK, OK, OK, OK, OK." "It's not hard to see what's on your mind." "I guess this is show time." "Darla, hon, can we see you for a sec?" "Lex, sweetie, this isn't gonna hurt or anything, is it?" "Relax, babe." "You'll be fine." " [ machine beeps]" " I hope." "It's OK, Lex." "I'm OK." "[laughs]" "Am she the one?" "Yes, Bizarro, she am." "Allow me to introduce you to your blushing bride." "[screams]" "No, no, no, my dear." "Let's not be shy." "You'll make a charming couple I'm sure." "She hate me." "She loves you." "No, no, she's just awestruck by your rugged good looks." "You lied, Bizarro." "You mock me." "Mock?" "You?" "Bizarro, babe, this chick is hot for you." "I can't believe it." "She fell for you." "We gotta get out of here before..." "Oh, no, no, no." "No, don't, please." "Wait." "We can try again." "She was unstable." "Hey, I can fix that, Bizarro, babe, for old time's sake." "Darla, he's gonna kill me." "Lex, what do you want me to do?" "[screams]" "[screams]" "[music playing]"