"So are you gonna dance with me or not, Turtle?" "Not." "I told you I don't dance." "None of them do." " Sorry, Drama." " I move so good, Alex," "I should be on "Dancing with the Stars."" "And if he were a star, he probably would be." "You hear that, Mr. Manager?" "I found you a show, Drama, you just have to be open to it." "I will not be a cartoon monkey." "And nobody better even say the word "monkey" in my presence." " I like monkeys." " So do I." " Yo, Turtle!" " Yo, Yori, what up?" "Is Vince in there?" " Just like you said he was, bro." " Told you." "Tipping off the paparazzi to Vince's whereabouts now?" "Traded an Avión shoutout for a tip." " Vince was cool with it." " Awesome." "All right, peace out." "Cheers." "Oh." "Are they getting serious?" " Naw." " They look pretty serious to me." "Naw, Vince don't get serious." "They're trashed." "Hey, what's up, guys?" "I didn't want to bug Vince," " but I got your table ready." " Thanks, Brent." " Let's go sit." " Thank you." " They're kinda making me sick." " Yeah." " You wanna go?" " Do you mind?" " I wanna go too." " All right, let's get out of here." " Vince, Sasha, we'll see you guys later." " Bye, Sasha." " Where are you guys going?" " Seriously." "The night's young." "I was going to order another bottle of tequila." " No more ordering my competition, Vin." " Right, sorry." "I'll switch it to vodka." "I don't think you want to mix tequila and vodka, Vince." "Jesus, relax, whatever." " Let's all hang." " We gotta work tomorrow." " I got a Carlos meeting." " Johnny?" "No, bro, I'm gonna hit the gym early, take out my frustrations on the heavy bag." " Hey!" " Maybe one more dance." "All right, later." " See you." " See you." " Bye." " Pussies." "We don't need them." "No we don't." "Do we need these?" " No." " But do you want 'em?" "His vibe is just off." "He has been drinking a ton all week." " He needs to get back to work." " What's he doing next?" " A big superhero movie." " Yeah, hopefully." "Yo, what's up, Phil?" "Yo, Eric." "I just ran into our studio head at a screening." " Yeah?" " You ready for this?" " Yeah." " He went bananas for Johnny." " Are you serious?" " Yeah." "He wants to know who's animating but he thinks it's a go." "Phil, that's great." "I wanted to let you know so you could tell your boy." " All right, thanks a lot." " We'll talk tomorrow." "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Phil." " What happened?" " They want to make Drama's cartoon." "That's amazing." "You want to tell him?" "Just don't call him monkey." "You know what?" "Maybe I'll wait till the morning." "Let's get out of here." " Baby, you sleeping?" " Nope." "Me neither." "The guest bed is not designed for an athletically-built man." " I didn't tell you to sleep in there." " Yeah, you kinda did." "I said I didn't want to have sex and that's how you took it." "And you said that you didn't want to talk either." "If you don't want to talk and you don't want to have sex, what else is there to do in here?" " Do you want to talk?" " I'd rather have sex." "Yeah well, let's talk." "I am so embarrassed and so humiliated." "As am I. Horrible things were written about me and my workplace." " Horrible things that you said." " Just because someone prints it doesn't make it true." "Page seven, second paragraph..." "is that true?" " You printed it out?" " Read it to me." " Come on." " Fine, I'll read it." ""After a staff meeting Ari threw a stapler at the wall and screamed at a fellow agent that he needed to 'climb back inside his mother's vagina and cook a little longer"'?" "That's funny." "Was it also funny that you asked Lizzie Grant if she signed a client with a pen or with his cock?" "Oh, and to another: "You should blow me for what I've done for you."" "No no no, I remem..." "I said that to a man, not to a woman." "I would never say that to a woman." "It is an expression." "But you said these things!" "I don't know if I said all of them." " You knew the man you married." " And now the whole world does!" "The kids at school, their parents... my mother!" " So wait, this is about everyone else?" " No, actually." "It's about us." "I'd like to ask you how many calls did you take before mine when all this blew up?" "What?" "I held for 10 minutes and you never called me back!" " I came home." " Three hours later." "I had to try to do some damage control." "That's what I can't get over... that you put more importance on the business than the people in your family." "Baby, you and the kids mean everything to me." "Nothing else matters." "You tell me what you want me to do." "Honestly I don't know." " You okay?" " Small headache." "Told you to slow down last night." "I was trying to keep up with you." "Well, that's not going to happen." "I'll be fine." "Vince, I need to talk to you about something." "Uh-oh." "I got a really big offer." " For what?" " A film." " That's great." " An adult film." "Uh, I thought you weren't doing that anymore." "No, I haven't been doing it because I've been getting legit stuff." "And until now I haven't gotten a good enough offer." " Well, what are they offering you?" " 200 grand." "Well, you're not gonna do it." "I'm sorry, that sounded like a demand, not a question." "You're surprised that I don't want you to fuck another dude on camera?" "Are you gonna fuck me on camera?" " Sash..." " Vince, don't worry about it." "It's a five-guy gangbang so nobody gets any one-on-one time with me." " You think this is funny?" " Not at all." "It's the absolute truth." "All right, I'll give you the money not to do it." " What?" " Yeah, it's not that big a deal." " Don't treat me like a whore, Vince." " I wasn't." "L..." "And don't be so aggressive in telling me what to do." " Calm down." "I'm just saying." " I know what you were saying." "But I wasn't asking for your permission." "I was just letting you know." "I thought getting the word out about Avión would be a good thing." "It would be, if we could provide the tequila, Turtle." "But we're a small company that's trying to grow." "And we've gotten an order for 20,000 cases ever since Vince posted on this Twitter" " two days ago." " We gotta fill them." "We don't have the capacity." "Our factory can't handle it." "Well, could we expand the factory maybe?" " Or get a new one." " Get a new one... we don't have the money." "The plan is to grow starting with Vince's ad campaign which is still months away." " How much do you need?" " Our new factory we hope to open in 2013 will cost around $5 million." "Carlos, I've seen your house." "You probably have that hiding under your mattress." "I've barely been able to hold onto that house, Turtle." "The recession has hit us all... hard." "But if you can get the money, you'd expand now?" "We would have expanded already if not for the economy." "Maybe I can get you the money." "Sure, Turtle, but how?" "Are you gonna ask Vince for that too?" "I can't believe you sent it to the studio when I told you how much I hate it!" "I can't believe you don't appreciate the fact that they love it and you basically have a greenlit show." "Yeah, playing a cartoon monkey!" "I want to be seen and not heard." "Hey, would you get off the phone and come over here and focus?" " Hang on, hang on." " Drama, this is a job." " A real job!" " I'm not that desperate, Lloyd." " What about your mortgage payments?" " I could cover at least six more." " Johnny." " Lloyd, I'm working on my body right now." "My real body." "So you two go find someone who wants to use it." " Drama!" " I'm honestly questioning whether I'm going to ever work with either of you guys again." " Come on, come on." " Goodbye." "I always imagined that double-teaming would be more fun than that." "Ew." "Talk to you later, Lloyd." "What, he still don't want to be a monkey?" "It's a gorilla and no." " What's up?" " We need to talk." "To me?" "About what?" "About tequila and money." " It's time for the staff meeting." " Oh joy." "And what are we working on today?" "Kissing our employees' asses so no work gets done and we don't get sued." " Are you being sarcastic?" " Don't question my tone." "This is coming from a lawyer, Ari, who we pay a lot of money to." "Now be careful or else!" " Sounds like you're threatening me." " Somebody has to." "You're doing a fine job today, Jake." "If Dana Gordon calls I'd appreciate it if you got me immediately." " Please and thank you." " You're welcome." "Good morning, everyone." "First staff meeting of the new softer, quieter, gentler regime." "How is everyone feeling?" "Why don't we start the day off with some hugs and kisses?" "Everyone except for you and me, Lloyd." "That ain't happening." " Ari." " What?" "I thought it was very courteous of me to not want to get him excited." " Don't make me retain counsel, Ari." " Anyway..." " Ari, I've got Dana Gordon." " I must take that." "The good news is everyone knows how much I hate staff meetings, so thankfully there is no chance of me getting irritated and saying something bad." "Take it away, Babs." "I have to say I'm impressed that I could get you with everything that's going on." "Dana, you've known me longer than my wife." "You should know that I care about my clients, despite the picture that is painted of me." " How is your wife?" " She's not happy." " Well, she married you." " Thank you." "You would've." " Oh, don't be absurd." " Dana, "Deadline Hollywood"" "has rendered me no longer able to flirt, so let's get to it." "Are we sorted out where Vince is concerned?" " We will be." " Don't piss me off." "There's no reason to." "I've been assured that Vince doesn't do drugs." "So there'll be no problem if he submits to a drug test." "That way Wallace and the studio will be happy and we can move ahead as planned." " You're joking?" " No, I'm not." "In the history of asinine requests," "I have never heard one this asinine, Dana." "It's not asinine." "It's necessary." "So this isn't even a request;" "it's a necessity?" "!" "I'm afraid so." "Wow, you think that I'm beaten and weak or something?" "You know, look, I'd hoped that you would be reasonable." "Listen, sweetheart, you want to call and butter me up with sympathy, and then drop this on me because you think that I'm down and will kowtow to anything, let me explain this to you in a metaphor you will understand:" "I am sure there are guys who have fingered you in the ass long enough that eventually you let them fuck it." "And now you think you got me bent over with your finger in my ass, thinking I'm gonna let you do the same." "I am not like you, Dana." "You will not fuck me in the ass!" "Vince will not piss in a cup for you or anyone else!" " She's a porn star." " She was." " No, she is." " I think she's a little bit more than that." "Okay, Vince, these porn girls, all right, even if they seem like they're okay, they're actually broken." "All of them, you know?" "And I don't think you can give her money in order to control her." "You probably sent her off on an anal bang bender just to prove you wrong." "No, she's stronger than that." "What does E say?" "I don't think Eric Murphy's rules of dating apply to a porn star." " What do you say?" " I say lose her." "You're Vinnie Chase." "You don't need to be dealing with this shit." "You're right." "You're right." "I'm just trying to be nice anyway." "Yeah, it's only been a couple weeks, right?" "No big deal." " I mean, less than that." " That's all." " But you like her." " Yeah." " Jesus, Vince." " Kinda nuts, right?" " No." " I just seriously can't handle a bunch of dudes passing around my girlfriend." "Yeah, I can imagine." "She really your girlfriend?" "Yeah, I guess she is." "Listen, can you get some more of that stuff from the other night?" "I don't want to be the one getting you drugs, Vince." "Yeah no, of course." "I'll call my weed guy." "First I'm gonna call Sasha." "I'd still like to date one of her friends." "I mean..." " I am not asking for Vince's money." " So what are you asking for?" "I'm asking for you to intro me to people who have money." " Who do I know that you don't know?" " What about your boss?" "My boss?" "!" "I don't want to get Vince involved in this, now you're asking me to get my boss who's also my fiancée's godfather to risk his money as well?" "There's no risk." "The orders are there." "We need the money to fill the orders and then everyone gets paid." "Dana Gordon's on the phone." "Can we finish this up later?" "Finish what?" "You blowing me off?" "I went to Ari last year for the limo business." "He told me I had no plan and he wouldn't help." "Now I come to you, my friend, with a real plan" " and you blow me off." " I'm not blowing you off, Turtle." "I gotta take this call." "It's about Vince." "Turtle!" " How'd it go?" " Shitty." " I'm sorry." " Yeah, fuck it." "Last year I went at this half-assed, but now I got something real, something people will thank me for." " So what are you going to do?" " I'm gonna go back to Ari." "You think he'll thank you for it?" "Eventually." "Alison Brod." " Doesn't ring a bell." " Name does not sound familiar." "She worked in your lit department four years ago, alleges you suggested she have her cunt removed" " so as to decrease her cuntiness." " That sounds familiar." "So what, people are just gonna keep coming out of the woodwork?" "Of course, they see a weakness." "It's a chance to make a quick payday" " because they think you don't want to deal." " I don't want to deal." "The only person who could successfully sue me is Lloyd, and he never would." "Now I have bigger problems." "Like my wife." "Your therapy appointment is in 10 minutes." "I'm moving as fast as I can." " Jeffrey Tambor's here." " I am not here." " Ari, I need to talk to you." " I am not here, Jeff." " Who am I looking at, Ari?" " You picked a real bad day." "I know!" "That's why I'm here." " You're here for me?" " Yes, when a friend is in need..." " Listen, I'm not in need." " How are you?" " I'm fine." " Really?" " Really I'm fine." " See, that can't be true." "Because even if you think you're fine, trust me," " you are not." " Jesus!" "Mr. Tambor, I'm sorry, but Ari's late for an appointment." " Push it." " I can't." "Wha-why... what do you mean?" "Who are you meeting with?" "No one." "None of your business." "Hey, this is me." "You can tell me." " Jesus." " Ari!" "All right, look, I'm meeting with my wife, okay?" "Therapy..." "it's an emergency session." "If this was a week ago, I would flog you with an extension cord!" "Oh, you're really hurting." "He doesn't mean that, young man." " How's your wife, Ari?" " She's fine." " How is your wife, Ari?" " Jeffrey." "Come on, I am no stranger to scandal." "What scandal have you been involved with?" "There was that little incident on "Arrested Development."" "If you haven't heard about it, there's no reason to hear about it." " I have to go." " Go, but, you know, this is a time to be cautious and caring." "Don't react to your wife." "Remember, you're the one who's done evil." "I don't know what got into me." "I was being an idiot." " I appreciate the apology." " I appreciate you accepting." "I'm sorry too." "I snapped, but the last boyfriend I had was very controlling." "Well, I'm not controlling." "I got jealous, but I had no right." "But if you were my boyfriend you think you would?" "How about I promise to prove to you that I'm your girlfriend and only care about you, no matter what I end up doing," " and you can trust me?" " We can try." "That's a start." "What is all this?" "You said you liked oysters, I got oysters." " And other stuff." " Lots of other stuff." " Thanks, Chris." " Of course." "I hope you're not trying to bribe me with all this." " It isn't going to work." " We'll see." " It's E." " Take it." "I'm going to go wash up." "Vince..." "Hold on, E." "Thanks." "I'm not used to getting apologies." "I'm not used to giving them." "Yo, E, what's up?" "Dana Gordon just called me and we got a little issue." " What kind of issue?" " The studio wants you to take a drug test." "Oh, come on." "I think you should just do it so we can move on." " What did Ari say?" " He told them to go fuck themselves, but he's dealing with his own shit." "This is not a precedent I want set." " What if they don't give you a choice?" " I don't know." " I can't believe this." " They're not gonna care about weed," " only the harder stuff." " Why are you pushing so hard?" "I'm not pushing at all." "I just want you to go back to work." " Well, I'm not doing it." " Vince." " E, it's not gonna happen." " What do you propose I tell them?" "Don't worry about it." "I'll go talk to Dana myself." "Don't... hello?" "What happened?" "Vince is losing his mind." " He doesn't want to take the test?" " No." "And he said he's going to see Dana Gordon." " Well, you have to go too." " Yeah." "Hey, guys." "Hey, Bay Cities!" "Yum yum yum yum." "Well, I gotta take off, so enjoy." " What do you hear from Drama?" " He won't budge." "I'll work on him." "I gotta go take care of something with Vince first." " What's wrong with Vince?" " The studio thinks he's on drugs." "Oh." "Oh what?" " Hello?" " I don't want to be a rat." "Speak, Billy!" "Vince and your body double down the hall there were doing a little sniffle sniffle at the party the other night." " Come on, you're lying." " Just don't let it get back to me." "All I do is try to avoid conflict." "Get Vince on the phone, please." "You're doing coke with Vince?" "Hey, Eric;" "Kevin Love, Minnesota Timberwolves." " Say hello, please." " Sorry." "Nice to meet you." "Hey, it sounds like you guys got some business to take care of." "No no no, we're good." "Big dog, sit down." "Sit..." "UCLA legend, that's all." "I don't give a shit." "Are you fucking kidding me?" "!" "Vince has never done coke a day in his life." "Suddenly you come around, he's hopping out of planes and showing up to important meetings out of his mind?" " Wait a minute, that was not my fault." " Really?" "Then whose fucking fault was it, Scott?" "We've worked way too hard to bring Vince back from the dead and you're trying to fuck it up." "Stay away from him!" " Vince isn't answering." " Keep trying." " You've got Phil Yagoda on line one." " Put him through to my cell." "Hey, what's up, Phil?" "You tell me..." "I've been waiting all day to hear how excited John is about the cartoon." " He's not excited." " What are you talking about?" "He thinks his real face is being undervalued." " Are you joking?" " I'm working on him." "And I've been working for him, Eric, for like six months, reading every piece of shit that has come in here." "I know, Phil." "I said I was working on him." "I have fought tooth and nail with the network to get him his own show and he needs to be worked on... really?" "Look, that's just the way Drama is." "The president of the network called today." "He thinks that this could be the next "Simpsons."" "I've done everything I can for John." "If he's not in, then-then-then... we have to get someone else." "I have to get someone else." "Uh no, Phil, you won't because it's my thing." "I own it." "And like I said, I'm working on him." "I suggest you do the same." "And don't ever threaten me again!" " Hi." " Hi." " Is Ari here?" " Um..." " who are you?" " I'm Turtle." " Vince's guy." " I'm Alex." " Hi." " You must be new." "Sort of." "But Ari's not here right now and I'm not sure how soon he'll be back, so..." "We'll wait." "It just came to me..." "I should look at this as a blessing." ""What can I do?" he asks." "So what are all the things that I have wanted him to do that I have never said?" "It's nice to see you find your voice." "When has she not had her voice?" "I haven't heard this kind of proactive conviction from her side." "She's always had conviction." "That's why I love her." " Ha." " What, do you doubt that?" " Since the merger you've been elsewhere." " I was very stressed." " Do you not think he loves you?" " Don't be ridiculous!" " Would you let her answer, please?" " Thank you." "Yes, I know he loves me, but..." "Wait, is this about what happened or about other things?" "Sounds like both, but let her speak." " Please let me speak!" " Speak." "I know he loves me..." "I'm sorry, I thought I had it on vibrate." "I'm sorry." "I know he loves me, but it's always on his terms." " I'd like to lay out mine." " What are they?" "Well, first off, no BlackBerries in the house." "Don't be ridiculous." "I knew you'd say that." "So my solution is that people contact your assistant and then he and only he may call at the house." " Will you try that?" " I will try that if she lets me check this message right now." "It must be important." "We can try that." "Fantastic." "And no more promises you don't keep." " Let's stay away from the abstract." " Okay, if you break another promise or lie to me, I'll have to... seriously reevaluate our relationship." "Do you hear what she's saying?" "Do you really feel that way?" "I do." "I'm sorry, we're going to have to stop soon." "Ari?" "Can you respond to this request?" "No, who could?" "And fuck you with your fucking clock!" "And I want you to work on your anger too." " Have you ever tried Lexapro?" " I have begged him to try Zoloft." "Baby, I am who I am, but I love you." "I don't want to break anymore promises, so I won't make them." "Let's think about this." " Do I get any requests?" " Such as?" " No more therapy!" " I don't think that's wise." " Will you let her speak?" " Actually," "I think more therapy." "I think twice a week." " You are not getting off the hook now." " Okay fine." "Therapy every day if you want." "Hell, let's have Doc move in with us, but please, let me check this message." " Please." " Fine." "Oh my God, I got Mark Cuban in five minutes." "I totally forgot." "L-l-l..." "I need to go." " Can I please go?" " Go." "Go." "We'll talk about this next week." "Vince, we ask lots of our actors to take drug tests." "Actors with no history of drug use?" "No arrests?" "What's the deal here?" "I thought we had a good relationship." "We do, Vince." "And you're going to make a ton of money for the studio." "So just take the drug test." "You'll pass it and then we can put the whole thing behind us." "I've never missed a day of work, never caused any production problems." " That should be good enough." " For me it is." " But our director wants more." " No offense, but that's his problem." "Dana, I appreciate all you've done for me in the past, but I'm not taking a drug test and I don't want to be asked again about it." "If my word isn't good enough for you guys, find someone else whose word is." " Hey, how are you, Mark?" " I'm good." "Is Ari ready?" " Ari's not here right now." " You're kidding, right?" "No, but he'll be back in less than five." "We're wheels up in 90 minutes." "We'll wait five minutes, no longer." "Okay, just have a seat." "Do you want anything to drink, or..." " No thanks." " I'll have a water." " You got it." " What?" " What the hell?" " Hey, Mark, Turtle." "I met you at the All-Star game last year with Vincent Chase." "Oh yeah." "I saw what you posted on Vince's Twitter account, dude." "Oh, you did?" "I didn't mean to upload that." "Actually I liked it." "It wasn't bad." "Is this a real business Vince has got?" "It could be with a little push." "We're just starting to put the funding together now." "This is my business partner Ken Austin... he's in charge of funding." " Do you like tequila, Ken?" " I'd have to hear more about it." " And taste it." " Mark, Mark, I'm so sorry." "Traffic, flat tire, shooting." "Hey, Ken." " How are you?" " It's all right, Ari." "I'm actually glad I got to meet these two." "I'm flying up to Sacramento." "I'm doing a trade with the Kings." "Why don't you guys come along?" "You can tell me more about it." " Anyone want to tell me more about it?" " If you're needed, Ari." "Be at Van Nuys in 90." "It's the big 757... just look for the Dallas Mavericks logo." "Cool?" " All right, can't miss that." " Absolutely." "And thank you, Ari." " Bring a couple bottles, Turtle." " Will do." " Bottles of what?" " This could be good." "Don't say I never take you anywhere." " What's going on?" " Don't worry about it, Ari." "Let's talk content partners." " Dana." " Oh, Eric." " You just missed Vince." " Shit." "Really?" "How'd it go?" "He was very aggressive." "Yeah well, he doesn't want to take the test." " That's what he said." " Dana, he's fine." "Don't worry." "I'm gonna go to bat for him." "But our director isn't." "He's quitting." " Randall?" " Yep." " So what now?" " Maybe Vince can call James Cameron." "'Cause we need someone big." "There's a couple of parts in this movie I think you'd be good for." " What did the studio lady say?" " I haven't asked her yet 'cause I wanted to see if it was okay with you." " I don't want any favors." " No favors." "I think you're great." "And you think this will stop me from doing the other thing." " No no, I..." " Vince, if I don't do this 'cause of you, it's..." "I just don't want any anger or regrets towards you." " Then you'll do it." " You're supportive?" " I'm trying." " You'll come to set with me?" " I don't think so." " Get me a part with really cool superpowers and maybe I won't do it." "Oh yeah?" "What kind of superpowers would you want?" "I want to be able to swallow anything." "Pfft!" "You're nuts." "You like it." " Yo, E!" " Yo." " Why won't you call me back?" " Uh, 'cause I'm swimming and Turtle broke the waterproof phone." " Are you pissed at me about something?" " Yeah, I spoke to Lavin." " He said you screamed at him." " Fuck Lavin." "Are you gonna come out of the pool so we can talk?" " Are you gonna calm down?" " I'm calm." " Well, then I'll meet you inside." " Inside?" "I'm naked." " It wasn't Scott's coke." " I don't give a fuck." "He works for you, he shouldn't be doing blow with you." "Oh, now he works for me." "You keep telling me he doesn't." " Are you serious?" " Are you?" "Who's coke was it then, Vince?" " Sasha's?" " Don't go there." "Go where?" "You're in a free fall." "You're showing up at meetings high." "You're dating a porn star." "You know, I was waiting for this little naive judgment to come out." " Naive?" "She's not a porn star?" " E." "Does she not have sex on camera for money?" "All of us in this town do on some level, but I'm telling you get off it." "It wasn't her coke, all right?" "It was some girl and she was here and she had it and I did it." " And honestly, I've done it before." " Really?" "Really." "Just not around you because I don't want to hear this shit." "Oh, Vince, gimme a break." "You showed up to a meeting high on cocaine." "So don't try to act like I'm some nag." " That was stupid." " Oh really?" "You think so?" "I was exhausted and Billy got me all insecure." "Yeah well, now you got the studio insecure." "No, I talked to Dana." "She's fine." " I spoke to her also." " And?" "She is fine." "But Randall quit." "Come on." "Well, he's a fucking asshole for telling them that." "Look, E, I will deliver on this movie and it will be great." " Okay." " I'm serious..." "I am fine." "I said okay." " I think you owe Lavin an apology." " That's never gonna happen." " And Sasha." " She didn't hear any of this." "And as my manager I want you to call the studio and find out if there's a role in "Air-Walker" for her." " Are you serious?" " Oh, I'm serious." "Get it done."