"NARRATOR:" "This is Los Angeles." "Looks peaceful and quiet, doesn't it?" "But don't let it fool you." "A jewel robbery and a murder are about to happen." "I'm Nancy Collins." "I'd like to confirm a return reservation to Twin Lakes, Oregon." "Right." "(BELL DINGING)" "MAN:" "Call for Mr. Baldwin." "Paging Mr. Baldwin." "Call for Mr. Baldwin." "Paging Mr. Baldwin." "(GUNSHOTS)" "(WOMAN SCREAMING)" "(PEOPLE CLAMORING)" "(POLICE BLOWING WHISTLE)" "What is it?" "A man's been killed upstairs." "Whoever did it got away with the Majuba diamond." "There's a killer loose in the hotel." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm terribly sorry." "Oh, that's all right." "I just didn't, uh, see you." "No harm done." "I hope." "(SIREN WAILING)" "Your train leaves from the Union Station at 7:30." "Hi." "Oh, Bob, I was afraid I'd miss you." "Oh, not a chance." "How'd the business discussions go?" "Fine so far, but it's taking a little longer than I figured." "I won't be able to go back with you tonight." "Oh?" "I'll take a late plane." "What's all the blue coats doing around here?" "Maybe there's been a murder." "Or a suicide." "They probably just gave someone his bill." "My train leaves at 7:30, and I promised to pick up some things for Mrs. Brendan, so I better get started." "I'll see you at school tomorrow?" "Bright and early." "Bye." "Pardon me." "Your uniform is ready." "I'll get it for you." "(SIRENS BLARING)" "There we are, Mr. Miles." "Thank you." "May I help you, sir?" "I'm just looking around, thank you." "Help yourself." "Hello, Noonan." "Why, hello." "I'll bet the Lieutenant will be glad to see you." "Let's go." "Get off my back, Sergeant." "I'm not going anywhere." "Hey, hold it." "This is my coat." "It is?" "It's mine." "I must have picked it up by mistake." "I'm sorry." "This is yours, sir." "Why, thank you." "All right, Sergeant." "Let's go see the Lieutenant." "Thank you." "Okay." "Yeah, fits pretty good." "Will you send it to me?" "My pleasure, Mr. Miles." "Just give me the address." "Twin Lakes, Oregon." "Twin Lakes, Oregon." "Mrs. Brendan's School for Girls." "I beg your pardon?" "I teach there." "Music, athletics." "Naturally." "Look, Lieutenant, I don't know what you're talking about." "You killed a man for nothing." "The Majuba diamond is hot enough to burn you to a crisp." "Why don't you take me in?" "My attorney would like that." "He's clean." "I told you." "All right, Noonan, that's all for now." "But don't leave the hotel until I tell you to." "All right, O'Malley." "Think he did it?" "Probably." "But if we pull him in now, we'll never make him talk." "He must have slipped the diamond to an accomplice." "We'll find Mr. Noonan's accomplice." "We'd better." "Francois will take care of you, monsieur." "Sit right down, monsieur." "Oh, let me help you, sir." "Thank you." "The other arm." "Just make yourself comfortable, monsieur." "I'll be with you in a moment." "Lovely weather we are having, eh, monsieur?" "And now, monsieur, we commence." "Snip, snip, snip." "(GRUNTS)" "Wilbur!" "Did I fool you?" "You've made me ruin a perfectly good wig!" "I'll pay for a new wig." "You certainly will, you fool." "Now get your broom and go back to work." "But you promised me I'd have my own chair." "Look at what this says, "Wilbur Hoolick, Master Barber."" "But you're not a master barber." "You're not even a barber yet!" "You remember the arrangement we made when I hire you?" "I cut the hair, you sweep the hair." "Yeah, well, I know everything there is to know about hair." "I made all that up out of leftovers." "Sweep!" "I'm going to lunch." "Shall I take care of everything?" "No, I beg of you." "Do not take care of everything." "It is the lunch hour." "Just quietly sweep out the boothz." "Booths." "Boothz!" "Boothz." "Sweep!" "It is lunchtime!" "One day, I shall be a master barber like Francois." "But only I... (IN FRENCH ACCENT) I shall be the great Wilbert." "The Captain's here." "He wants to talk to you." "I'd be delighted." "(IN FRENCH ACCENT) And you are next, monsieur." "Would you like the haircut, the manicure, possibly pedicure?" "As in the rinse, bubble bath?" "What would you like, sir?" "Can I have my choice, Francois?" "Oh, he went to lunch." "Oh, I don't care who takes care of me." "I'm in a hurry." "You do not care who takes care of you, monsieur." "(SPEAKING FRENCH)" "Will it take long for a treatment and a manicure?" "I should think not so long, sir." "Let's go." "I think we shall start with the scalp treatment." "I don't think I have time for a scalp treatment." "Oh, monsieur, everyone has the same time." "We are now ready to begin." "(EXCLAIMING)" "Oh, I am sorry, sir." "Just let me give you a..." "Just one..." "Oh, sir!" "Just one moment, sir." "One moment, sir." "Could you please just get the beard?" "All right, get up." "I'm awfully sorry, sir." "I made the mistake." "I press this button." "Same mistake." "(SINGING IN FRENCH)" "Pardon moi, monsieur." "I'm a wee bit nervous." "(CONTINUES SINGING)" "Just relax." "BARBER:" "Now, monsieur, the egg." "(BARBER SCATTING)" "(SINGING IN FRENCH)" "(CONTINUES SINGING)" "(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Oh, pardon, monsieur." "Oh, I am so sorry." "I make the mistake." "I am sorry, sir." "Please forgive me." "I am..." "Oh, please..." "I didn't come here for breakfast!" "Now, let's forget the whole thing!" "Forget it!" "Just relax, sir." "Here." "Forget it!" "This button will make you relax." "(MACHINE WHIRRING) No, it's all right." "Will you stop this?" "How do you stop this?" "Is good." "It make you relax." "(GROANS)" "Get me out of here!" "Get me out!" "Oh, pardon moi!" "Oh, pardonnez-moi, monsieur." "Let me out." "Wait, I shall get the button." "WILBUR:" "Easy!" "One moment." "Stop this thing." "Voila, we stop." "Good, oui?" "And now to get you down." "Just one moment." "One moment, monsieur." "Monsieur, one moment." "(SIGHS)" "And now for the landing." "(GASPING)" "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "Let me go!" "Let me go!" "There we are, monsieur." "You are next." "Shampoo?" "You're a sick man." "That's it!" "I've got the merchandise all right, but I can't deliver it." "They're checking everyone in and out of the hotel." "Well, what if they find it on you?" "Don't worry, they won't." "Wait a minute." "I think I just figured it out." "I'm sending a man around to the apartment." "He'll give you a scalp massage." "He'll have the merchandise in his pocket." "I got it." "Bye." "Which pocket?" "Hello?" "Would you like to try it one more time?" "I should not like to try it one more time." "I should not like to see your face one more time." "Allow me, sir." "Thank you." "Not at all." "Could you help me, monsieur?" "It is lunchtime." "But my wife would like a treatment at home." "Oh, the wife would like a treatment." "Oh, monsieur!" "Oh, but I cannot leave the shop." "Oh, it'll be all right, Francois." "I am not Francois." "Oh, I'll speak to him personally." "Oh, well, if you think it will be all right, monsieur." "I should like very much to give the wife the treatment." "Thank you very much." "I shall get the equipment." "I think I have everything." "I appreciate this." "It's the Sunland Arms, apartment 12B." "You'd better hurry." "There's no time to lose." "Her scalp must be in very bad shape." "It is." "(DOORBELL BUZZING)" "(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Oh, uh, hello, I am Wilbert." "Your husband sent me here to make the scalp happy." "Oh, come in." "It is not easy to come through this little hole." "Oh, I'm sorry to have kept you out there in that cold hall, honey." "But, you know, a nice girl can't be too careful." "(COUGHS)" "Why don't you take your coat off?" "Oh, no, this is fine, thank you." "All right, here is the coat." "(COUGHS)" "I must find the place to plug in the equipment." "Over there." "Oh, merci." "(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)" "(WHIRRING)" "Well, I am now ready to begin." "So am I." "You know something?" "What?" "You're cute." "Do you know something?" "Whisper it in my ear." "The scalp is dry." "Come with me." "Where?" "Come with me." "(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)" "Do you dance?" "Oh, but the treatment." "Try this." "Oh, that's wonderful." "Try it again." "Turn around." "(MUSIC STOPS)" "But what about the treatment?" "Oh, I know what great lovers you Frenchmen are." "Kiss me." "Oh, that's good." "You!" "What are you doing with my wife?" "Uh, massaging the scalp." "Oh, oh, pardon moi." "The jacket." "It's very warm here." "The jacket." "Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle." "I ought to kill you for this." "(GRUNTING)" "If you lay one..." "If you lay un hand on me, you know what I will do?" "What?" "I'll bleed." "Au revoir." "If I ever see your ugly face again, I'll kill you." "I want you to get out of town and stay out." "(IN NORMAL VOICE) Yeah, all right, but I can't leave from up here." "Is there anything else?" "Now, if you come back to this town," "I'll know it." "And I'll get you." "Understand?" "(STUTTERING) Oh, yes, sir." "Oh, I won't come back to this town, honest." "As a matter of fact, I'm going home today." "Tout de suite." "Here, let me..." "Let me show you." "You see, here's my... my fare, $26.40, to Blitzen, Washington." "Oh, man." "Oh, be careful, bleeding." "Maybe I didn't make myself clear." "I'm going to get the very first train home." "I swear, honest, so..." "So, goodbye." "Au revoir." "Remember me to the little woman." "(TITTERING)" "(STUTTERING) Goodbye, man." "Nice..." "Nice going." "Let's have the diamond." "Here you are." "It's only bubblegum, stupid." "But it was in his pocket." "I thought..." "Oh, he's still got it on him." "Well, you can get it back." "You know where he's going." "MAN 1 ON PA:" "Miss Collins." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Miss Nancy Collins." "Please report to the Camellia Room in the station." "Camellia room?" "Immediately." "Not that way." "In back of you." "Oh!" "MAN 2 ON PA:" "Your attention please." "The Southern Pacific, number 57..." "(PLAYING I KNOW YOUR MOTHER LOVES YOU)" "I beg your pardon." "* I know your mother loves you" "* Your father loves you, too" "* But their kind of love is no kind of love" "* Next to my love for you" "* I'm sure you find their kisses most satisfactory" "* But you're going to hiss the very next kiss" "* After one kiss from me" "* Your French poodle is off his noodle" "* Never goes out to play" "* He guards you night and day" "* That job is mine I say" "* Say" "* I know the cop, the mailman" "* Yes, and the milkman, too" "* Agree that you're rare" "* And I more than share their view" "* So tell your father and your mother" "* And your sister and your brother" "* And the poodle, too" "* That they'll never ever love you * like I do." "CHORUS:" "* This fella won't love you like a relative" "* This fella has lots and lots of love to give" "* I know your uncle loves you" "* Your auntie loves you, too." "Yes, of course." "* But no relative can possibly give what I could give to you." "That's true." "* I know your doctor loves you" "* Your dentist loves you, too" "I'm not so sure." "* No skill with a drill or vitamin pill" "* Is like my cure for you." "You're the doctor." "* Men with millions and plain civilians" "* For you they'd gladly toil." "For little old me?" "* Texans who drill the soil" "* Baby, you'd make their oil boil CHORUS:" "Ow!" "* Soldiers, marines and sailors" "* Grocers and tailors, too" "* Agree that you're rare" "* And I more than share their view" "* So tell your father and your mother" "* And your sister and your brother" "* And the Texan, too" "* That they'll never ever love you * like I do" "* Oh, no" "* No, they'll never ever love you" "* Love you, baby, like I do *" "Man, I'm really in love." "(ALL APPLAUDING)" "Next." "I'd like a ticket to Blitzen, Washington, please." "Blitzen, Washington?" "That'll be $31.10." "Here you are, $26.40." "You're short." "I know, but Dad was very tall." "You need $4.70 more." "Oh, no, I think you're wrong, sir." "You see, because last year when I came from Blitzen, Washington to Los Angeles, it cost $26.40." "Now it doesn't seem fair to go from Los Angeles to Blitzen, Washington for $31.10, so I think something's wrong." "Plus the fact, this is all the money I have." "I saved it up." "Rates went up last February." "Please, I'm in a hurry." "I'm sorry, lady, but..." "(GRUNTS)" "Look." "Chicago." "One ticket for me and one half-fare, please." "The boy under 12?" "Oh, yes." "I'm 11 years old." "Ooh!" "I was born February 22nd, 1943." "(GASPING)" "He's a little big for 11." "Sure, I'm a sailor." "You want me to give you the death ray?" "Now, Marty." "Well, then give me a quarter for a flying saucer or I'll let him have it." "All right, dear." "Here." "MAN ON PA:" "Last call for the Santa Fe," "San Bernardino local, train number 54." "Leaves at 5:30 p.m., entering through gate J." "This is the last call." "I'll take this one." "25 cents, please." "Here you are, I'll pay for that." "Thank you." "Oh, don't be frightened." "(SHUDDERING) Here." "No, no, no, that's for you." "I like little boys who have space guns." "You know why?" "'Cause I have a space collection." "You have?" "Oh, sure, they're right here in this bag." "And do you know that when I went to the moon," "I got my first space gun." "And since then, I've added almost 350 space guns to my collection." "I have one space gun that shoots out little men, and those little men have space guns that shoot darts." "And when I was in Tibet," "I got a space gun with camels sitting on the top of it, just about so big." "I know it's pretty difficult to believe that, but you must believe me." "The train leaves in 15 minutes." "What if we miss him?" "Not a chance." "I'm getting on that train." "What are you going to do to him?" "Shut him up for good after I get the diamond." "Now go on home, wait for my call." "All right, but be careful." "MAN ON PA:" "Your attention, please." "The return portion of tickets purchased in the East require validation before boarding your train." "Validation desks are located adjacent to the stationmaster's office." "Oh, I'm awfully sorry." "Hi, sonny." "Oh, don't you touch me." "I'm not going to touch you." "You leave me alone!" "But, sonny." "(GROANING)" "I'm not going to hurt you." "You're not?" "Of course not." "Oh, then will you buy me a ticket, please?" "No, I think you should let your daddy buy you a ticket." "(WAILING) I want a ticket!" "Buy me a ticket!" "I want a ticket!" "(EXCLAIMS)" "What are you doin' to the kid?" "My uncle won't buy me a ticket, and I got the money." "I hate goofs who pick on kids." "Goofs?" "Goofs!" "I hate goofs, too." "Then buy the kid a ticket." "But he's no relative of... (WAILING) I want a ticket!" "Buy the kid a ticket." "All right, nephew." "Thank you, man." "MAN ON PA:" "Your attention, please." "Will Miguel Cruz kindly come to the stationmaster's office?" "Where you going?" "Blitzen, Washington, half-fare." "Half-fare, Blinses, Washington." "No, Blitzen, Washington." "Blintzes?" "No, Blitzen." "Blitzen, Washington, half-fare." "Half-fare for whom?" "For him." "For me." "How old are you?" "Well, I'll be 12 on my next birthday." "I'm going to be a space cadet." "Shall I give you my death ray?" "Why you little..." "It's the only way I can get him to drink his milk." "Watch." "Open your mouth, nephew." "MAN ON PA:" "Your attention, please." "Southern Pacific Coast Daylight train number 98 is now arriving." "He's going to be a space cadet." "If he lives, he'll be a space cadet." "MAN ON PA:" "Last call, train for Sutton and Blitzen." "Gate B, now open." "All aboard." "(HORN BLARING)" "Excuse me, is that seat taken?" "No." "Good." "Where are you going?" "What?" "I said where are you going?" "CONDUCTOR 1:" "Tickets, please." "Oh, home." "Tickets!" "Tickets!" "Sorry, I haven't been able to find your French friend anywhere." "We stop at Blitzen, don't we?" "CONDUCTOR 1:" "Yes, sir." "I'll find him." "Uh, together?" "No." "Tickets, please." "Half-fare?" "How old are you?" "Oh, I'll be 12 years old on my next birthday." "If I don't have an accident." "Stand up." "He wants you to stand." "You!" "You stand up!" "Oh." "Higher." "Higher, all the way." "That's it." "You're awful big for 12." "Oh, it's glands." "The whole family had glands." "Why, my mother was 6'4"." "We called her shrimp." "If you're only 12, you're pretty young to be traveling alone." "Oh, well, that's all right." "I'm not scared." "I'm going be a space cadet." "Where are you going?" "Home." "Oh, here it is right here." "You're going to... (GROANING)" "What's the matter?" "Oh, I'm train sick!" "The rocking." "Here's your ticket." "Oh, I..." "I'm train sick." "The..." "The rocking of the train." "I'm really sick." "I get nauseous on a train from rocking and when it goes fast and it shakes back and forth." "I'm really very sick from the train." "Would you please keep quiet?" "Yeah." "I dropped my gun, mister." "Wow!" "(TITTERING)" "My gun shoots milk." "Look, would you mind getting out of here?" "Not at all." "(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)" "Oh, I'm..." "What is the matter with you?" "I'm awfully sorry." "I'm just a little nervous." "I'm awfully sorry I dropped my suitcase, and I hope I didn't hurt you, mister." "I'll put all my things back in the suitcase, and I'll get out of your way." "What is this?" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Look out, conductors!" "It's the little boy!" "Look out!" "(SIGHING)" "Oh, geez." "He can't have gone far." "I've got to find him." "CONDUCTOR 1:" "You've got to find him?" "We've got to find him." "Half-fare!" "CONDUCTOR 2:" "He must be around here someplace." "Hello." "Goodbye." "The train hasn't stopped." "He couldn't have gotten off." "What's the matter, son?" "You're trembling." "I have very loose bones." "Are you lost?" "No." "Where's your mother?" "I'm traveling all alone." "And you started wandering around the train and now you don't know where you're supposed to be?" "I'll call the conductor." "Oh, no!" "I mean, I..." "I do know where I'm supposed to be, in the day coach, but I don't like it there very much." "I don't feel so good, right here." "I bet I know your problem." "You do?" "Mmm-hmm." "They gave you money to buy your dinner, and instead of that you bought some ice cream, and some candy and maybe some soda pop?" "Yeah, and some marshmallows, and some cotton candy, and popcorn and cigarettes." "Cigarettes?" "Oh, I mean can-candy cigarettes, chocolate." "Oh!" "Why don't you sleep here?" "Here?" "I'm sure your mother would want you looked after." "I'll call the conductor." "Oh, no, don't do that." "Why?" "Oh, well, he doesn't like me, see, and... and he's not a nice man because we were talkin' about trains, and I told him I had 13 cars in my set," "and he only has 11, and he's jealous and nasty, he is." "All right, then." "I'll ring for the porter." "Oh, no." "If you press that buzzer, I'll be killed!" "What an imagination!" "Well, don't you see?" "The porter and the conductor are in cahoots against me." "Oh." "Well, then, why don't we make up the upper berth ourselves?" "Oh!" "Oh, yeah, okay." "Good." "I get off in the morning at Twin Lakes, but you're all right for tonight, anyway." "Thank you, let me help you." "You're awfully nice." "Thank you." "Here." "What's your name?" "Wilbur." "Wilbur Hoolick." "Do you have pajamas with you, Wilbur?" "Yes, lady, I have." "You may call me Aunt Nancy." "Aunt Nancy." "Willy." "Oh, help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Wilbur!" "Oh, help!" "Get me..." "Get me down!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Help!" "Help!" "(GRUNTING)" "Oh, Wilbur, are you all right?" "Oh, you broke your glasses." "Did you ever have a day when just everything went wrong?" "Take your things and go in there and change." "Thank you." "If you have any trouble with your buttons, just sing out." "(TRAIN HORN BLARING)" "(THUNDER CRACKING)" "Oh!" "Are you all right, Wilbur?" "Yes, I'm fine." "There's nothing to be frightened of." "It's just the storm that woke you up." "You mustn't be afraid of thunder and lightning." "I'm not afraid." "Oh, yes, you are." "All youngsters are." "Why, I was terrified when I was your age." "I used to crawl in with my little brother." "Remember, I'm only your nephew." "(THUNDER RUMBLING) This going to be a bad one." "Just hang on to me tight, Willy." "I..." "I'm all right, really." "Just rest your head against my shoulder." "I can't do that." "Your husband wouldn't like that." "I have no husband." "I'm not married, either." "I hope not." "And I'm glad you're not married." "Why?" "Should I tell you?" "Yes." "No, I better not." "Not tonight." "I'll tell you in the morning." "It's a surprise." "Good, I like surprises." "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "Uh-oh, it's going to be a bad one." "(THUNDER CRACKING)" "Well, I think I'd better get upstairs, and you'd better go to bed, too." "Yeah, okay." "In you go." "Are you all right now, Willy?" "I never felt so good, Aunt Nancy." "(CHUCKLING)" "Good night, Willy." "Good night." "(WHISTLE BLOWING)" "Wow." "Agnes!" "Agnes!" "Hurry, come on!" "Yes, Mr. Miles." "Take over." "Yes, Mr. Miles." "One, two, three, four." "One, two, three, four." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "Oh!" "Oh." "You all right?" "Good brakes." "They'd better be." "I can't afford to run down the boss's daughter." "Why don't I pack us a picnic lunch?" "This is the kind of a day to play hooky." "I've already thought of that." "Good." "But I'm on my way to pick up Nancy." "There was a washout last night, and the train's been stalled about five miles out of town." "Oh." "Well, I guess a big railroad like that can get her here safely." "Probably, but I..." "I did promise to pick her up." "All right, I'll go with you." "No, but I promised her, I..." "Unless I'm in the way." "Oh, no." "No, you're not in the way." "(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)" "What happened in Los Angeles?" "I saw Colonel Blair, and he thinks I should get my papers in a week or so." "I know Karen Blair quite well." "Perhaps I can speed up your orders?" "That'd be wonderful." "Don't mention it." "Beautiful tune." "The words are pretty, too." "Do you know them?" "I think so." "* Love is all that matters" "* And we've got love" "* We have walked off with a prize" "* The stars that I used to see" "* Are not where they used to be" "* They only will shine for me * in your eyes" "* You are all that matters" "* And I've got you" "* We're on top and we won't fall" "* No fortune that we can boast" "* We're happy with tea and toast" "* For we've got love" "* And love matters most * of all" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Good morning, Willy." "Oh, uh, good morning, Aunt Nancy." "Did you sleep well?" "Yes, fine, thank you." "What happened?" "The train ain't moving?" "A bridge washed out down the road." "There's nothing to be frightened of." "Oh, I'm not frightened when I'm with you." "That's very nice." "You know, someday, I hope I have a little man like you." "That's very nice." "You know something?" "When I met you last night, that was the nicest thing that ever happened to me." "Well, thank you, Willy." "Well, you know, it... it's like..." "Well, everything is different." "It's..." "Well, it's very hard to explain, but I have a very funny feeling in my stomach." "What you need is a good breakfast." "You're a growing boy." "Oh, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." "We'll have a nice talk right after breakfast." "Oh, but this is very important." "I'm sure it is, and I want to hear all about it." "Well, I'd like to start from the beginning." "After breakfast." "But this is very important!" "Now, what would you like?" "How about some oatmeal and a nice big glass of milk, huh?" "That'll build up your strength." "I'll take a look down this way." "Oh, hello." "Hello." "Do you have a Nancy Collins listed?" "Nancy Collins." "Let me see." "Cooper, Collins, yes." "Drawing Room B. Right in here." "Thanks." "(BELL BUZZING)" "Nancy?" "Nancy?" "Nancy." "(SCREAMS)" "Beg your pardon, I must have the wrong..." "Wrong room." "Excuse me." "That's quite all right." "Oh!" "Oh, why, Gretchen." "What are you doing here?" "I drove down with Bob." "He was worried about you." "How nice." "Where is he?" "Well, I'm sure it doesn't matter." "You seem to have plenty of company." "What do you mean?" "If I were you, I'd stay on this train and keep going." "What are you..." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh, I'm so sorry." "You're sorry." "Oh." "Well, Gretchen, what happened to you?" "I found Nancy." "What'd you do, have breakfast with her?" "I think you better not go in there." "Why?" "Well, she's sharing her drawing room with a man." "Nancy?" "He was in bed when I walked in." "Oh, there's some mistake." "Yes, there's a mistake all right, and Nancy's made it." "Gretchen, I think you've said about enough." "Well, I saw him!" "You coming?" "No." "Not until I hear Nancy's side of the story." "Uh-huh." "Drawing Room B. I'll see you at school." "Aunt Nancy, I still have something on my mind." "(BELL BUZZING)" "BOB:" "Nancy." "Oh, no!" "Wilbur." "Hello, Bob." "We'd better do something fast." "Gretchen thinks there's a man in here." "It's Willy." "Willy?" "Willy!" "Willy?" "Hello." "Oh, it's the kid!" "You two know one another, huh?" "Sure, I'm his part-time uncle." "I bought him his train ticket." "But what's he doin' here?" "He wasn't feeling well last night, so I let him sleep here." "And Gretchen doesn't know he's a little boy." "She was in too big a hurry to spread the word." "I'll bet you that board meeting's goin' on right this minute." "Well, I felt it was my duty to come to you, the board, and... and give you an insight into the private life of Nancy Collins." "It's the most outrageous conduct I've ever heard of." "Miss Brendan, you say you actually saw this man in her, uh... drawing room?" "Oh, yes, Professor Okell." "And when I confronted her with it, she hit me with a tray." "(MEMBERS EXCLAIMING) This is outrageous." "No breath of scandal has ever touched the Brendan School for Girls, nor shall it now." "I move that we vote for the dismissal of... (KNOCK AT DOOR)" "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, Mrs. Brendan, but I had a train to meet." "We were just taking a vote on the dismissal of Nancy Collins." "Good, I'll vote, no." "You'll what?" "Don't you think Nancy should be allowed to testify on her own behalf?" "I hardly think she'd have the nerve to appear, let alone testify." "Have you heard what happened?" "I was there." "I saw it." "You..." "You mean you saw the man?" "Did I?" "He was very suave, sophisticated." "A man of the world." "You know, Nancy never had a chance." "Well, that explains everything." "I'll let you see for yourself." "(ALL MURMURING)" "Mr. Wilbur Hoolick." "WILBUR:" "Hello." "I..." "I can do a trick!" "Want to see it?" "Excuse me, Aunt Nancy, I'm gonna do a..." "Help me with the trick." "Oh, Wilbur, stop." "Help me with the trick!" "I want to do it!" "One trick." "Hold my hands and then..." "All right." "Oh!" "I landed right on my feet." "Very suave." "And, uh, and a good trick." "Oh, swords!" "Wilbur!" "Come on, let's have a fight like you see in the movies!" "En garde!" "Wilbur!" "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "Wilbur!" "See?" "Oh, no!" "Oh, no, spare me, sir." "Give me that." "Oh, please, spare my life." "Be a good boy!" "Oh, thank you." "Thank you, sir." "Thank you very much." "Kill you!" "And you, men, take the helm and take over!" "It's not loaded!" "(WOMEN SCREAMING)" "That's the signal!" "Board the boat, men!" "Board the boat, men!" "All right, rocket service!" "Let's drink a toast." "That was a successful voyage." "Throw it down!" "No!" "Throw it down!" "(WHINING) Throw it down!" "Oh!" "Call the meeting to order." "Young man!" "Mrs. Brendan, I believe I can explain." "You see, Willy, here, had a tummy ache last night." "There was no place for him to sleep, so I invited him to stay in my drawing room." "Well, I..." "I think that was highly commendable." "I apologize if I have violated any rules." "Well, under these circumstances..." "Meeting's adjourned." "That's right." "I'm sorry, Nancy." "Well, I..." "I better be going." "Now, it would be a shame to lose such an adorable little boy so soon." "Why don't you stay for the Saturday night party?" "I'm sure you'd enjoy meeting all the little girls." "No, I think I'd better be running along." "Good." "Thank you, Aunt Nancy." "Goodbye, everybody." "ALL:" "Goodbye." "Bye!" "Hello." "(STUTTERING)" "(SCREAMING)" "(BOB GROANING)" "Surprise, I'm back." "I thought you were leavin'." "Oh, I decided to stay for the party." "How nice." "Well, I have a class." "I'll see you later, Willy." "Yeah." "You know, I'm glad you changed your mind." "Oh, yeah, I'd much rather be in here than out there." "I know, you can room with my brother." "He's just about your age." "Oh, won't that be a lot of fun." "Bob, will you take him over to my house?" "I'll join you later." "You know, there are 200 girls waiting to meet you." "Oh, and I just can't wait to meet them." "Come on, Wilbur." "He's a remarkable boy." "GIRL:" "Come on, hurry!" "Come on." "Oh, get it!" "No, no!" "Catch, Uncle Bob." "Wilbur, come here." "(STUTTERING) Thank you for the game." "Come on, come on." "Come here!" "What is this, an obstacle course?" "Wilbur!" "Come on, Wilbur." "What kind of school are you running here, anyhow?" "It's a school for girls, and the reception committee is going to be here any minute." "I don't need no reception committee." "Of course you do." "Why should you be any different?" "Because I don't think I need a reception committee." "(BAND PLAYING)" "GIRLS: * Face the music when you've got trouble" "* Face it, face it and you'll chase it far away" "* Just face the music You'll make your worry hurry, scurry" "* Not a care will dare to stay" "* The drums are drumming" "* You should be humming" "* Joy is coming Coming for to make you gay" "* So blow the trumpets, bang the cymbals" "* When they start to play" "* Face the music" "* Play the music" "* Every day's a happy day" "(PANTING)" "I want to march." "You can't march." "I want to lead the march!" "All right, march." "Fall in!" "(DRUMBEAT ROLLING)" "* Face the music when you've got trouble" "* Face it, face it and you'll chase it far away" "* Just face the music" "* You'll make your worry hurry, scurry" "* Not a care will dare to stay" "* The drums are drumming" "* You should be humming" "* Joy is coming Coming for to make you gay" "* So blow the trumpets, bang the cymbals" "* When they start to play" "* Face the music" "* When there's music" "* Every day's a happy day." "Fall in!" "GIRLS: * Face the music" "* Face it and you'll chase your troubles away" "* Face the music" "* Hurry" "* Not a care will dare to stay" "* Drums are drumming" "* Joy is coming" "* Joy is coming to make you gay" "* The trumpets, cymbals, start to play" "* Every day's a happy day" "* Face the music" "* Face the music" "* Face the music" "* Every day is gonna be a happy day" "* Face the music" "* Play the music" "* Every day's a happy day." "GIRLS:" "Wilbur!" "Gretchen?" "That's Aunt Gretchen." "Gretchen?" "Oh, here you are." "You're just in time." "I was about to fix some tea." "Oh, I can't stay." "I'm late for my class now." "I just come over to deliver Wilbur." "Well, if you can't." "Have a good time." "Thank you." "I'll see you later." "Bye, Bob." "Bye." "Oh, where's my suitcase?" "Your suitcase is in Michael's room." "Come along." "I'm sure you two will get along just fine." "Oh, thank you, Aunt Gretchen." "Here's my hat." "(MACHINE RATTLING)" "(SIGHS)" "Oh, Michael!" "How many times have I told you to clean up this room?" "I brought you a weekend guest." "Thanks." "This is Wilbur Hoolick." "My brother, Michael." "Hello." "Hi." "Well, I'll leave you two to get acquainted." "Thank you very much, Aunt Gretchen." "Oh, my goodness." "Look at all those pretty rocks and stones." "(DOOR CLOSING) My, there must be a million of 'em here." "How old are you, anyway?" "Twenty?" "Twenty-five?" "What are you talkin' about?" "You crazy?" "I..." "I'm just a little kid." "Yeah?" "I looked through your suitcase." "How often do you shave?" "Once every day." "That's better." "Well, you're not going to give me away, are you, Mike?" "It's very important to Nancy that you don't." "She'll be in very big trouble if you do." "Now, why are you dressed up like that?" "Oh, well, to help Nancy." "Okay, but why are you dressed up like that?" "To help Nancy." "You see, I can't explain it now, Mike, except that if they find out, see, that I'm a grown-up man, it can get Nancy in all kinds of trouble, see." "We don't want that to happen." "So you'll help me out, huh?" "Okay." "Good." "Do you collect rocks, too?" "No, not really." "Then what are you doing with this?" "Oh, that ain't mine." "I found this in your suitcase in your pants' pocket." "Oh." "It still ain't mine." "Can I have it?" "Sure, be my guest." "Thanks." "I'll run a test on it." "I'm going to be a geologist." "Oh, that's swell." "What do we do now?" "Let's go." "Let's go." "We better pick out a nice fancy suit for you." "Oh, I don't need anything fancy." "That's what you think." "We got to get rid of that square outfit." "Square outfit?" "Yeah, I guess it is a little square." "(KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "Just a minute!" "Let's go." "Let's go again." "Mr. Hoolick, my name is Skeets Powell, and I've been sent to welcome you on behalf of the student body." "Oh, well, thank you very much, but I'm not..." "We drew lots for you." "I've got you from 1:00 till 3:00, and then Ann Brown has you from 3:00 to 3:30." "Joan Francis gets you until 4:15, and then Natalie Lee has you until 5:00." "Oh, looks like I'm booked solid." "Yeah, well, look, I'll pick you up in 15 minutes, so don't be late." "Bye!" "Bye!" "I got 15 minutes yet." "Who was that?" "Skeets." "Oh." "(GIRLS CHATTERING)" "Good afternoon, Willy." "Good afternoon, Aunt Nancy." "It couldn't be." "No." "I hope our amusing little school isn't boring you too much." "A school's a school." "How clever!" "A school is a school." "It just came to me." "Gee, I'm awful glad you could stay, Wilbur." "Oh, I am, too." "Except I can only stay over the weekend." "Oh." "Would you like to sit down for a while?" "Okay." "No, sit over here." "No." "Close your eyes." "Real tight." "(GASPS) Why do you want..." "Oh, you scared me." "I was going to ask you why you wanted me to close my eyes." "Well, Wilbur seems to know his way around a campus, doesn't he?" "I can't understand that." "I could have sworn he was the shy, studious type." "I'll say." "Man, dig that crazy homework." "I better have a little talk with him." "I don't think he understands girls." "Neither do I. I wish you'd have a little talk with me." "I got to get out of here." "Hey." "Kiss me!" "Kiss me!" "Oh, no!" "Get away, you!" "Remember, girls, tomorrow we're having a test on the alloyed group." "I want a list of all our enzyme experiments." "Are there any questions?" "Class dismissed." "Hi, dreamboat." "I'm not talkin' to you." "Skeets." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "You want to see me, Aunt Nancy?" "Well, yes, Willy." "I..." "I wanted to have a little talk with you." "Uh-huh." "(CLEARING THROAT)" "I'm rather worried about you, Willy." "Did I do somethin' wrong?" "Oh, no, no." "I don't think so." "Oh, no, I'm sure not." "Well, I..." "Uh, what I mean to say is, well, I don't think you know very much about girls, do you?" "I wouldn't want you to get into trouble." "What kind of trouble?" "It's difficult to explain, but..." "Well, some people are born girls, and some people are born boys." "I'm glad." "It makes it so much nicer for dancing." "Yes." "What I'm trying to say, Willy, is that girls are usually more mature than boys." "You have to be careful." "Oh, you're talkin' about the birds and the bees." "I'm talking about you kissing Skeets in the park." "Well, can you explain that?" "Not in one afternoon." "Well, now, it's..." "It's perfectly all right for little girls and little boys to kiss." "I don't mean that, but there's a..." "Well, there is a certain way to do it." "Oh, you mean little girls come with a set of instructions?" "No." "No, what I mean is there are different kinds of kisses." "There." "Is that clear?" "No." "Unless you mean little girls and little boys should kiss like this." "Yes, yes, that's it." "Is that what I was doing?" "No, I'm..." "I'm afraid it wasn't." "You mean I was doing something like this." "Yes." "(STUTTERING) Yes." "That looked like what you were doing." "And I should have been doing this." "Yes, that's it." "Now I'm all confused." "I forgot what I'm not supposed to do." "Wilbur." "Oh, yeah." "I remember now." "(STUTTERING) That's enough!" "Hello, Bob." "Hello." "Look, you stick to the little ones." "The big ones are mine." "Now, don't... don't be silly." "I was just telling Willy here how to protect himself." "I don't think Wilbur needs protection." "You want to see the way little boys kiss?" "Well, that's nice, Wilbur." "This comes a little later." "Now cut that out!" "What's wrong with you?" "Oh, oh, nothing's wrong." "I was just trying to show you what I shouldn't do." "Well, that's right." "That's what you shouldn't do." "(BELL RINGING) No." "Well, I..." "I must go." "I hope you won't forget our little talk, Willy." "No, I won't forget, Aunt Nancy." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "Goodbye, Uncle Bob." "Now, wait a minute." "I want to have a little talk with you." "Oh, oh, I can't." "Natalie has me until 4:30." "Natalie can wait." "Why don't you straighten up?" "Oh, I am straightened up." "It's just that my shoulders are stupid." "That's funny, I got stupid shoulders." "I have to go." "Now, look." "It's possible I could have had you all wrong." "Had me all wrong?" "Maybe you are a nice, simple, warm-hearted kid after all." "Yeah, and a loyal, trustworthy pal." "That's right." "Yeah." "Cigar, pal?" "Oh, thanks, pal." "(COUGHING)" "It's a cigar!" "It's a real cigar!" "What did you think it was, Wilbur?" "W-What did I think it was?" "Oh, I..." "I thought it was a candy cigar." "My daddy always gave me candy cigars." "Candy cigar?" "Yeah." "Did it taste anything like this?" "Did it taste..." "I'll see." "I'll wait." "I..." "I'm not sure." "Let's try again, Wilbur." "I don't think it's the same." "We must be positive." "Pal." "I feel awful." "I got some medicine that'll fix you right up." "How do like your Scotch?" "Plain or with soda?" "On the rocks." "On the rocks?" "Oh, on the rocks is what my daddy always says when he orders that nasty whiskey." "I can't make up my mind about you." "Let me feel your muscle." "Let me see your grip." "Oh." "I know that one." "Jujitsu!" "Isn't that good?" "Mr. Miles?" "Yes." "There are two gentlemen here to see you." "They say it's very important." "I'll be right with you." "Don't go away." "Don't go away." "No." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "(BELL RINGING)" "Wrong color." "What, uh, can I do for you?" "Lieutenant O'Malley, Los Angeles Homicide Squad." "Sergeant Brown." "Hi, Sergeant." "Can I help you?" "Yes, you can be very helpful." "We trailed a killer down here." "A killer?" "You know Wilbur Hoolick?" "Wilbur Hoolick, a killer?" "He's not a killer." "Well, I didn't think so." "He's just a kid." "He isn't a kid, either." "He isn't a kid?" "No." "How old is he?" "I'd say about your age." "My age?" "Sit down." "But you don't understand..." "Sit down!" "I'm telling you all this in confidence." "He's the only hope we have of catching the killer." "The man we're after is after Hoolick." "He's after Hoolick." "When he strikes, we'll catch him." "But we need someone to keep an eye on Wilbur every minute." "Do you mind if I tell my girl about this?" "You're to tell no one." "Wilbur's life is at stake." "It's more at stake than you think." "I knew we could count on you." "We'll keep in touch with you." "Good day." "Good day." "My age?" "Hello, Mr. Miles." "Not now!" "(WILBUR WHISTLING)" "Wilbur?" "Oh, hello, Uncle Bob." "Did you see those men?" "I saw them." "Wilbur." "What?" "When you were on the train, did you spend the whole night in Nancy's drawing room?" "Aunt Nancy's drawing room." "Yes, I did." "Where did you sleep." "(NASALLY) in aunt Nancy's drawing room?" "In bed." "Ha, ha." "And she came downstairs and she tucked me in because I was nervous." "You were nervous?" "Well, what are you so nervous about?" "You weren't even there!" "That's what I'm nervous about!" "Oh, oh." "Excuse me." "Sure." "Drink hearty, Uncle Bob." "Wilbur?" "Yeah." "I like you." "You do?" "I'm going to keep a close eye on you." "Why?" "To keep you out of trouble." "Here, you hold this?" "Yes." "(GASPS)" "Did you hear that?" "What?" "Footsteps!" "Footsteps!" "Oh!" "Mrs. Brendan!" "Oh!" "Don't let her catch you with that whiskey!" "Get rid of it." "Not there!" "No, not there!" "Get rid of it!" "Here, get rid of it!" "Don't let her catch you with it!" "Drink it, drink it!" "Good boy." "Oh, it's you." "Come in." "Well, the sign says..." "Oh, come on in." "What are you doing?" "A little spying." "Spying, on who?" "On Gretchen." "You see, Bob can't figure out why he hasn't been called back to active duty." "Mr. Miles?" "Yeah." "Bob?" "Yeah." "He's in the Army?" "Well, sure." "He's in the reserves." "Gee, now, if they called him back to active duty, then Nancy and me..." "What?" "Oh, I was just wondering to myself." "How come he wasn't called back?" "Well, read this." "It's from Gretchen to Colonel Blair's wife." "You shouldn't read other people's mail." "That's not very nice." "I'll read it to you." ""Dear Karen, just a note to thank you for your cooperation"" ""in helping to keep Bob here."" ""I don't know what the school would do without him,"" ""or for that matter, what I would do without him."" ""I will return the favor someday."" ""Gobs of love, Gretchen."" "Why, that dirty double-crosser." "What did I tell you?" "I'd do anything to help Bob go overseas." "So would I." "Oh, I mean, I would like to help him out, too, 'cause he's a very nice fellow." "I have an idea." "Look, how would it be if you and I wrote another letter to Colonel Blair's wife, and in that letter..." "No, but we would change all the words our way." "No." "How would it..." "Oh, I know." "We'll have Gretchen phone Colonel Blair's wife." "Say, that's great." "Oh, wait a minute." "Gretchen would never do that." "And I have a sneaking suspicion that's exactly what she's going to do." "Here." "Huh?" "Dormitory." "Okay." "Hello?" "WOMAN:" "The time, please." "The time?" "The time is exactly 7:57." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Hello." "Oh, it's you." "I..." "I'm awful sorry, Skeets, that I didn't talk to you in the lab, but, you see, Aunt Nancy was watching." "Oh, that's okay, Wilbur." "Are you going to dance with me tomorrow night, Wilbur?" "Sure, I'd like that." "You like to dance?" "Oh, gee, I..." "I'd rather dance than eat." "Would you like to see a real good step?" "Oh, I'd love to, Wilbur." "All right." "Real gone, man." "Oh, that was nothing." "I could dance a lot better if I had music." "Hey, wait a minute." "I got a portable radio in my room!" "Yeah?" "Only it's against the rules for me to leave the switchboard." "(SCATTING)" "I'll be right back." "Crazy." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "WOMAN 1:" "Operator." "Hello." "Can I please have long distance?" "For long distance, dial 110." "Oh, all right, thank you." "WOMAN 2:" "Long Distance." "Hello?" "Oh, hello, long distance." "I would like to place a call, please, to Mrs. Karen Blair, that's Colonel Blair's wife, at March Field, California." "One moment, please." "Yes, thank you, I'll wait." "Long distance?" "Are you still there?" "Are you ready for your call?" "Yes, I'm ready." "KAREN:" "Hello?" "(MIMICKING GRETCHEN) Karen, darling." "How divine to talk to you again." "It's been a long time." "Yes, it has been a long time, hasn't it?" "Much too long, you naughty girl, you." "We must get together again real soon for a rousing game of mahjong." "Oh, I'd just love to." "Oh, by the way, Karen, my dear." "I have an enormous favor to ask of you." "My Bobby..." "Booby?" "No, not booby." "Bobby." "Talked to your husband about going overseas?" "Yes, I've been talking to him." "Yes, I know." "You've been a perfect angel about it, but I've changed my mind." "You have?" "I think that Robert should go." "Are you sure Bob wants to?" "All right, Gretchen," "I'll tell my husband that Bob's changed his mind." "Oh, thank you, Karen." "You're such a darling!" "I'll tell him he should have his orders in the next 24 hours." "Goodbye, Gretchen." "(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)" "You're real crazy, aren't you?" "GIRL:" "Oh, dear!" "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "What are you doing?" "I'm leavin'." "I have to get out of here." "Listen, if I leave my suitcase, will you send it to me?" "I guess so." "You're just gonna sneak out of here without saying goodbye to anyone?" "Well, I have to." "You say goodbye to Nancy for me, huh?" "What do you want me to tell her?" "Tell her, uh..." "Just tell her goodbye, huh?" "You!" "Help!" "Quiet or I'll kill you right here." "(WHISPERING) Okay." "Help, help, save me!" "(GRUNTING)" "Hey, there!" "(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)" "(DOOR OPENING)" "(MUSIC STOPS)" "Nancy." "Nancy?" "What are you doing here?" "I saw someone crawl through this window." "You're mistaken." "You mustn't let them find you here." "Men aren't allowed in this building." "I know, I didn't want anything to happen to you, but I saw a white thing crawl through here, and it looked like Wilbur." "NANCY:" "Oh, that's ridiculous." "Wilbur wouldn't do a thing like that." "You're very fond of him, aren't you?" "Very." "I wish he belonged to me." "You could do with a little of Wilbur's manners, you know." "I'm sure they must be very charming, but he certainly didn't have any trouble worming his way in." "Well, no, he didn't." "And he doesn't come climbing into people's rooms in the middle of the night, either." "What was that?" "NANCY:" "I don't know." "BOB:" "Let's go find out." "(MEOWING)" "Oh, a cat." "I don't have a cat." "You don't have a cat?" "Well, how do you explain this?" "(STUTTERING) Well, uh, maybe the wind blew against it and knocked it over." "Nancy, there's somebody in here." "Are you accusing me of hiding a man in here?" "I'm not accusing you, Nancy." "I trust you." "I don't trust Wilbur." "How can you pick on anyone as sweet and fine as Wilbur?" "I know him a lot better than you do, Bobby." "Leave me." "Wilbur is not what he seems to be." "Oh, you found that out, too." "The first night." "First night?" "I know he seems kind of silly and awkward, but inside he has a fine and sensitive spirit." ""A fine and sensitive spirit"?" "Wilbur?" "I don't want to talk about it anymore tonight." "I've had a hard day." "Why don't you go to bed?" "I will." "I will as soon as I take my shower!" "(SHOWER STOPS RUNNING)" "Wilbur?" "Yeah." "Oh." "(EXCLAIMS)" "(DOOR OPENING)" "BOB:" "Nancy?" "Bob, what's the matter with you?" "If they catch you here, the two of us will be thrown out of school." "You mean the three of us." "I saw him come in here." "You saw who come in here?" "Your boyfriend, Wilbur." "(NANCY CHUCKLING)" "What's wrong with you, darling?" "Oh, save your "darlings" for Wilbur." "I tell you, at this moment, Wilbur is in his room sound asleep." "He's not here?" "He's not here." "He's in his room sound asleep?" "He's in his room sound asleep." "Okay, I'm gonna find out." "You do that." "Good evening." "(MUMBLING)" "We're delighted that you both could come." "We were happy to come." "Would you excuse me, please?" "Certainly." "Enjoy yourselves." "I've been trying to see you all day." "I locked my windows." "And what's that supposed to mean?" "You can figure that out for yourself." "(ALL APPLAUDING) Maybe Wilbur can help me." "Bob, I don't know what's come over you lately." "You've just got to stop picking on Wilbur!" "Bob, what are you waiting for?" "What?" "You're next, your song." "Oh, my song." "We'll continue this later." "* Your eyes are simpatico" "* Tonight they have told me" "* That you'll be simpatico" "* To me alone" "* Your arms are simpatico" "* And when they enfold me" "* They hold me within a spell" "* No lover has known" "* When you do the things you do to me" "* Every thrill I knew is new to me" "* Go on and do the things you do to me" "* When you do what you do" "* You're so sympathetic" "* Which means you're simpatico" "* Which means I'm in heaven" "* And heaven will be our home" "* When you are mine" "* When you do the things you do to me" "* Every thrill I knew is new to me" "* Go on and do the things you do to me" "* When you do what you do" "* You're so sympathetic" "* Which means you're simpatico" "* Which means I'm in heaven" "* And heaven will be our home" "* When you are mine" "* Promise that you'll stay simpatico" "* Come what may, you'll stay simpatico" "* The way that I will stay simpatico" "* When you are mine" "(CLEARING THROAT)" "Hello, Aunt Nancy." "Hello, Willy." "Why aren't you inside dancing?" "Oh, I am dancing inside." "I mean, inside I'm dancing." "I know what you mean." "That's very grown-up." "Uh, can I ask you a question?" "That's ungrammatical, but tonight's a holiday." "What is it?" "Well, do you believe in love at first sight?" "Willy, you've fallen in love with one of the girls here, haven't you?" "Uh-huh." "Does she love you, too?" "Well, she's very fond of me, and she thinks I have a very fine and sensitive spirit." "So do I." "You tell her I said you'd make a fine husband when the time comes." "I think the time's coming." "Nancy, I think you're the most wonderful girl" "I ever met in my whole life, and I haven't slept a wink since I kissed you." "Willy, little boys don't talk like that." "Yes, I know, and I never could talk to girls." "I mean, I usually get very tongue-tied when I'm around girls." "But not when I'm around you." "That's very sweet." "I'm very grateful, but..." "Willy, I'm too old for you." "My mom and dad got married when she was 17." "Yes, that's different." "That's old enough for a girl to get married." "Yeah, but my dad was only 12." "Well, if I was older, do you think that I would make a very good husband?" "If you were older, I think you'd make a wonderful husband." "I'll be back when I'm 25." "Will you wait?" "That's a long time to wait." "It won't be as long as you think." "Now don't move." "I'll be right back." "Nancy?" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "What are we fightin' about?" "I don't know." "I guess I do." "I'm jealous." "Of Wilbur?" "He's only 14 years old." "He is?" "Well, how old did you think he was?" "Oh, much older." "I mean, he's very mature for 14." "I thought he was at least 15." "Oh, Bob, you're so silly." "(CLEARING THROAT)" "Now let's see." ""Nancy, I know I'm not very much,"" ""but I am old enough."" ""And I couldn't love you any more if I were 100 years old."" "No, that's no good." ""Nancy, honey, if you marry me,"" ""I'll be the happiest, luckiest man in the whole world."" "BOB:" "Nancy, honey, if you marry me," "I'll be the happiest, luckiest man in the whole world." "NANCY:" "Of course I'll marry you." "BOB:" "Nancy." "It wouldn't have worked out anyway." "I'm too tall for her." "Lover boy!" "Hello, Mrs. Brendan." "Hello, Wilbur." "SKEETS:" "Lover boy!" "(PEOPLE VOCALIZING)" "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "What are you doin' here?" "Oh, I'm just passing through." "Keep passing." "Yeah." "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "(ORCHESTRA TUNING)" "(CHOKING)" "Help!" "Now what do you want?" "I..." "I want to stay here." "You can't stay here." "Yeah, but you're stayin' here." "I'm conducting." "Oh, you mean, if you conduct, you can stay here?" "That's right, get out." "All right, I want to conduct." "You can't conduct." "I want to conduct!" "No!" "Let Wilbur conduct." "MAN 1:" "Let Wilbur conduct!" "MAN 2:" "Go ahead, Wilbur!" "Now by popular demand, we bring you the interstate choir conducted by Wilbur Hoolick!" "Good luck." "Oh, don't go, Mr. Miles." "Help me out with this number." "What number is it?" "I Like to Hike." "So do I, but what's the song?" "I Like to Hike is the name of the song, and do it with dignity." "Dignity!" "Oh, yeah." "I..." "I'll be dignity." "(CLEARING THROAT)" "(MUMBLING)" "(ALL VOCALIZING)" "* Life is glorious." "(SOFTLY) * Life is glorious." "(ALOUD) * Grand and glorious." "(SOFTLY) * Grand and glorious." "And..." "* And when the shadow's long" "* We all sit around the campfire" "* Campfire" "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "Was I too loud?" "No, that wasn't bad at all." "Thank you." "* The night birds gently call" "* And call and call and call" "* You cannot sleep * at all" "* It's time to hit the trail" "* It's time to hit the trail" "(VOCALS RISING AND DROPPING)" "* It's time to hit the lofty trail" "* It's time to hit the lofty trail" "(CHOIR VOCALIZING)" "* I never like to travel by automobile or bike" "* The only way to travel along is to travel along the way you like" "* And as for me, I like, I like to hike" "* He likes to hike He likes to hike" "* He hates to pedal a bike" "* It's time to climb the peak" "* It's time to climb the peak" "* The dawn breaks through the sky" "* Again you'll hear the cry" "* And then you hear" "* Again you hear" "* From the land you hear the cry." "That was beautiful." "Did you really think so?" "I loved it." "Would you like to hear it again?" "Please." "Will you wait here?" "* From the land you hear the" "* cry" "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "* I've climbed a lot of mountain peaks" "* Including the peak of Pike" "* The peak of Pike was a heck of a hike" "* But I'll never, never, never rest until I conquer Everest" "* We'll never, ever, ever rest until we conquer Everest" "* We like to hike We like to hike" "* We like to hike We like to hike" "* We like to hike We like to hike" "* We like to hike We like to hike" "* We like to hike We like to hike" "* We like to hike We like to hike" "* We like to hike We like to hike" "* We like to hike We like to hike" "* We * like * to hike" "* We like to hike." "Get out!" "Mrs. Brendan?" "Yes." "You wanted to see me?" "Yes, I did." "The, uh, girl said it was urgent, Mr..." "Uh, Hoolick." "I'm Wilbur's father." "Oh, how nice to meet you." "Do sit down." "Thank you." "I hope our keeping Wilbur here didn't inconvenience you." "A little, but it's going to be all right." "When did you want to take him home?" "Uh, now." "The sooner the better." "Oh." "I'll have him sent down here." "SKEETS:" "Yes, Mrs. Brendan?" "Skeets, would you have Wilbur Hoolick sent to my office, please?" "Wilbur will be delighted to see you." "He'll be surprised to see me." "Gee!" ""Majuba diamond murderer." "Police baffled."" "(MAN WHISTLING)" "Wilbur's the killer!" "Boy, these straight razors sure do the job, boy." "You know somethin', Mike?" "I want to thank you." "You've been very, very helpful to me, and believe me when I tell you, I ain't gonna forget you." "You won't?" "No." "(STUTTERING) Well, I mean, I'd just as soon you would." "What do you mean, pal?" "We've been buddies, we're friends." "What do you mean forget you?" "And the gang back home, they'll love you." "But I'm too young to be with a gang." "Yeah, maybe you're right, kid." "Yeah, well, maybe we'll give you a few years." "Wait, Willy." "Wait just a minute!" "I won't tell on you." "Please!" "Please, don't kill me!" "You don't want to die, huh?" "Well, don't worry about it, sonny." "I'm gonna let you live." "Oh, boy, thanks." "Oh, boy, you're welcome, but on one condition." "You gotta keep your mouth shut, you understand?" "Sure." "You don't talk to nobody." "You just keep your mouth shut." "(AGREEING) Don't say a word to no one." "You keep everything quiet." "You don't say nothin'." "Nothin'." "Nothin'." "You don't say nothin' to anybody." "You keep your mouth shut and be sure you just do like I tell you." "Then you won't get into any trouble." "Shut up!" "(KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "Someone's at the door." "Let's see who it is." "Well, let's go." "You get the door." "Okay, sure." "But be sure when you open the door, you don't say nothin'." "Remember what I told you." "Keep your mouth shut." "Don't say nothin' to nobody." "Just open the door, see who's there, and that's all." "You don't talk to nobody." "You understand?" "Just open the door, that's all I'm askin' you to do." "Well, open the door!" "Okay." "Hi, Wilbur, how are you?" "I'm in no mood to get engaged today." "Do you feel all right, Wilbur?" "I'm fine." "What's on your mind, baby?" "Well, Mrs. Brendan wanted to see you in her office right away." "Why?" "She didn't say." "I'll walk back with you if you want me to." "Okay, but no swans." "No swans." "Get my coat!" "Sure, sure." "Skeets!" "Yes?" "(WHISTLING)" "Nothin'." "Wilbur's a very remarkable boy." "In this day and age, it's so difficult to rear a child properly." "Yes." "I wouldn't give you 10-to-1 on a boy like Wilbur living to grow up." "Oh, that's a little on the pessimistic side, Mr. Hoolick." "All right, I'll make it 8-to-1." "Oh, really." "Here he is, Mrs. Brendan." "Hello, Mrs. Brendan, did you want to... (STUTTERING)" "Surprised?" "Of course he is." "I've had a hard time catching up with Wilbur." "Now you have him back safe and sound." "It was just a question of time." "Shall we go, son?" "Now?" "You wouldn't want to worry Mama." "No, I wouldn't." "Take good care of him." "Oh, he'll be taken care of." "I don't want to go." "Why, Wilbur?" "Yes, tell her why." "Well, because, you see, I'm not really a little..." "I like it here." "I want to go to school here." "This is a girls' school." "That's why I like it here." "Now, Wilbur, you mustn't hurt your father's feelings." "You wouldn't do that, would you, Wilbur?" "No." "You know how sensitive I am." "He's very sensitive." "You're choking him, Mr. Hoolick." "Oh." "(COUGHS)" "Come along, son." "You don't have much time." "It's been nice meeting you, Mr. Hoolick." "It's been very nice meeting you, Mrs. Brendan." "Goodbye, Wilbur." "Don't say that, Mrs. Brendan!" "All right, you." "Where is it?" "Why did you tell Mrs. Brendan you're my father?" "Where is it?" "Where's what?" "Look, when I get through working you over, you'll tell me where it is." "Or do you want to talk now?" "All right, I'll talk." "Well, talk!" "How's Mama?" "(GRUNTING)" "This way." "I don't know what you're mad at me for!" "I didn't do anything to you, and I didn't do anything to your wife!" "No one ever double-crossed me." "No one living." "What do you want from me?" "I know you have that diamond." "I put it in your pocket myself." "There's nothing in my..." "Is this what you want?" "All right, here." "I don't want it." "Are we friends now?" "BOB:" "Wilbur!" "Huh?" "Stop him, he's a crook!" "Hey!" "Hey, man!" "Man!" "Man!" "Man, wait!" "Mister, will you wait?" "They want..." "Mister..." "You..." "Mister man!" "BOB:" "Stop him, Wilbur!" "He killed a man!" "He killed a man?" "He won't get away!" "I..." "I got him!" "Ooh!" "Oh!" "Oh, water!" "Wait!" "I don't know how to do this!" "I can't swim!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh, oh!" "Hold on, Wilbur!" "Hold on!" "Look out!" "Look out!" "Coming through!" "MAN:" "What's going on?" "(SCREAMING)" "Oh, falling!" "Falling!" "Oh, man!" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Easy!" "Ooh!" "(GROANING)" "Mommy!" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Watch your head, Wilbur!" "What?" "(GROANS)" "(GRUNTING)" "Whoa!" "Ooh!" "Help!" "Help me!" "Bye!" "Help!" "(SCREAMING)" "(WOMAN SCREAMING)" "Look out!" "Ham!" "Look out!" "Look out!" "Stay where you are!" "Get me out of this." "Wilbur!" "Wilbur!" "(SCREAMING)" "(WOMAN SCREAMING) Look out!" "(WILBUR EXCLAIMING)" "(SCREAMING)" "Go back." "Go back!" "Now what did you do this for?" "I missed you." "I was lonesome out there." "Well, I didn't miss you, and I wasn't lonesome." "Will you put me down?" "All right." "Bye!" "Get up!" "Get up!" "Oh, don't shoot, don't shoot!" "Stand still!" "Stand still!" "No shooting me!" "No shooting!" "WILBUR:" "Save me!" "(WILBUR LAUGHING)" "Help me!" "Easy, easy, Wilbur." "Easy, Come on, sit down." "Attaboy." "(BOTH SCREAMING)" "What's new?" "Oh, look!" "(GRUNTING)" "Bombs away!" "I got the diamond." "Oh, let's see." "Easy!" "Oh, it's beautiful." "Isn't it beautiful?" "It's just like... (BELL RINGING) CONDUCTOR:" "All aboard!" "All aboard!" "I wonder where Wilbur is." "I'd sure like to say goodbye." "He was in such a hurry to start his new job, he asked me to say goodbye for him." "Oh, it's hard to get used to the idea of Wilbur being a grown man." "He was such a sweet little boy." "Fine, but let's not forget he is a grown man." "All aboard!" "I won't forget." "(HORN BLOWING) All right." "Thanks for comin' down to see me off." "Don't you know why girls go to trains to see fellas off?" "No, why?" "To say goodbye!" "All right, give me the works." "(SCATTING)" "Oh, no!" "Voila!" "Oh, no, no!"