""The Carnal Praying Mat" is the most famous of the three erotic novels written more than 400 years ago" "It was banned for its erotic depiction" "In the Yuen Dynasty, there lived a monk, who always carried a sack with him and was thus called "the Sack Monk"" "He's known for his profound knowledge in Buddhist philosophy" "A young and lecherous scholar Mei Yeung Sheng went to see the Sack Monk, because he thought the Buddhist teachings of abstention from sex is opposed to human nature" "A heated argument started between the two men and they parted unhappily in the end" "You should care about... your next life as well as this one" "You enjoy flirting with other people's wives and daughters" "But how about if your wife was being flirted with?" "What one does to others must be avenged" "I thought such a famous monk as you must have extraordinary ideas in this matter" "I am disappointed by what you just said" "If what one does to others must be avenged, let me ask you:" "A man with no wife or daughter, how is he to be punished" "Also, a man with a wife and two daughters goes to bed with hundreds of women, though his wives and daughters suffer assaught by other men, he still benefits from it all" "The bride and the bridegroom knwtow to the bride's father" "The bridegroom offers tea to his lordship" "We must play games with the bride" "Congratulation to the bride" "Dring it, cheers" "Let's go out side" "Out!" "Do you know why I'm called Master Iron Doors?" "I'm very strict with my family," "I guard them against lechery" "I appreciate your knowledge, so I marry my daughter to you" "From now on you can travel or assume official duties without any worries" "Our master married your daughter exactly for this reason" "He knew you would keep our daughter harnessed so he won't get avenged for what he did to women" "Sex is the most pleasurable thing" "Of course it hurts a little the first time" "But I'll take it easy and make you happy in no time" "Husband," "I think sex is the dirtiest thing" "But I won't avoid it because it was laid down in the ancient laws" "I know it hurts and I pray you hurry up, so I won't suffer too long" "Later you put... some of this anaethestics on me" "This is pain killer" "After we finish having sex, give me some" "Please come" "Hurry up, Husband." "What are you up to?" "Not yet!" "Don't rush me" "Why?" "Just put it in" "Alright, alright" "Ouch!" "That hurts!" "Why did you kick me!" "It really hurts Give me the pain killer, Quick!" "I have not yet finished" "I have done my duties now that I did it" "Who cares whether you have finished or not" "You foolish girl I have seen no blood yet" "Who said there's no blood It's all over the place on the floor!" "Why is there so much blood?" "Why's there so much blood on my ring?" "Your ring?" "It pierced your prick That's why" "Blood!" "I am going to faint" "My painkiller" "Give it to me." "It tastes terrible" "I told you it's a dirty thing to do" "We'd better not do it" "It's the authentic painting by Chao Meng Fu" "We ought to purity ourselves before looking at it" "Oh, it's ugly." "How could Master Chao have painted such a thing" "You fool." "This is according to the teachings to the sages" "Why can't we paint process of reproduction?" "Don't" "Why, don't pretend you don't like it" "A few months age you said you're afraid of doing it" "Last night you held me tight and kept saying: sweetheart, give it to me, give it to me" "and please come, please come!" "Don't laugh at me!" "No!" "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "So you are the famous Flying Thief..." "Choi Kun Lun" "That's me." "I'm a righteous man" "I don't steal from the poor" "I don't steal from a family with a funeral on" "I don't steal from a family having a banquet" "I don't steal from someone I've stolen before" "I don't steal from a friend" "That's why so many people came to make friends with me" "They all flatter me and now it's difficult to find a target to steal from" "Since we get along with each other so well" "Let me be frank with you," "I told my friend-in-law" "I have come to study" "But in fact what I'm after are women" "Can you help me... find women?" "Damn!" "I'm late." "I must dash" "Hey, I want to come with you" "This guy is kind of weird" "I wonder if he's pinched your purse" "Has it all gone?" "No, but they all turned into stones!" "There is something good" "That one has a big breast, hasn't she?" "That's wonderful." "Keep it up" "Lady..." "Master, are you alright?" "Lady...you dropped a book" "Not mine Take a closer look" "You beast!" "I've come to return the money to you, with 10% interest" "Hey, Choi..." "Dai, since you can enter a house with no effort, please help me find beauties, help me enter their chambers" "If you can really help me fulfil my wish" "I will repay you with a large sum" "It is risky to go after a man's wife" "If you only manage to get it once or twice" "And the woman then dumps you, it's not worth the effort" "With my looks and talents I'm sure they'll admire me!" "Now, if you really want me to help, you must be frank me How long is your prick?" "So so" "When you fuck a woman, can you last an incense's time?" "No problem!" "Well, I put some aphrodisiao oil on" "Now, there's a silk shop in the west end of the town" "The wife of the shopkeeper is there" "Go and take a look" "Only looking?" "Possibly some actions too" "Good" "What's that noise just now?" "What's up?" "I tripped and fell" "Did you damage the cloth?" "No..." "Really?" "Really?" "Eat now" "Why is there no fish tonight?" "There's no fish in the market" "You couldn't buy a fish in the whole market?" "There's no fish that you like in the market" "You must listen before you open your mouth to speak" "Now, listen carefully before you answer me" "Did you damage the cloth when you fell down just now?" "Yes" "So you did!" "You deserve a good smack" "I didn't say I won't do it" "I only want to eat before doing it" "Finish eating?" "Just finished." "Thanks" "Come over!" "Come over!" "Quick!" "Hey!" "What's up?" "Choi!" "Have you seen it?" "Her husband could last for three incense's time" "And you... you can only last for half an incense's time" "His prick is so big, and yours" "despite what you said, is only so small" "It's only fit for picking teeth" "This is for your self-conceit, chasing after other man's wife without real abilities" "This for your foolishness" "You know I don't steal women, yet you want me to find women for you" "What do you think I am?" "What have you got to say now?" "Yes..." "You're right in sleeping me but I still want you to help me find beauties" "If your prick is as long as a horse prick," "I'll help you" "Choi" "Husband, we've been separated for about a month" "I've been feeling so lonely and sad" "Without your kissing, hugging and fucking" "I feel like millions of ants biting my private part" "Do you know with what kind of water was this letter written?" "It was written with ink and the secretion from my cunt" "Fetch me the knife!" "Fetch it!" "Why give me much a small prick?" "Why not a couple more inches" "You dammed God!" "You gave me such talents and looks," "Why economize on the most vital part?" "Are you playing on me?" "OK, you want to play?" "You bet I'll cut you out" "Please don't, Master, don't!" "Go away!" "Blood!" "Oh God!" "Has it come off?" "Not completely..." "Why?" "Why what?" "Why yours is bigger than mine?" "Why?" "I don't know." "You'd better ask my mother" "Master!" "No, don't!" "What happened?" "See it for yourself!" "Doctor lp on vacation." "Clinic closed" "Damned!" "I'm damned!" "I'm damned!" "Specialized in joining broken limbs" "Master Tin Chan resides here and is ready to help the desperate" "My good fellow I am here to see Master Tin Chan" "Please..." "No need to say any more" "The wound is caused by a blunt knife" "It's now two incense's time" "The arteries are OK, but the veins are broken but I can cure you now" "You'll recover completely in 15 days" "The fee is 20 leuns" "Surgeon, I haven't seen anything like this in my life" "My art goes back for seven generations" "My father got hold of the manuel written by Master Hua Tuo" "That's how he learnt all the art... of surgery" "After studying with my father for a while my interest changed to transplanting limbs, especially the sexual organ" "Just think, if I can transplant an animal's sexual organ to a man's body making him a real man again" "I'll become rich and famous" "Have you succeeded?" "I have mastered the basic techniques" "Please operate on me Give me a dog's prick" "OK" "Shut up!" "I'm not speaking to you!" "You're very small, I'm not interested in you" "An elephant's is more like it" "An elephant!" "Isn't it too big?" "It's like having three legs, how can I go out?" "Yes, a horse's prick" "Choi Kun Lun said if my prick is as long as a horse's, he'll help me" "Please put a horse's prick on me" "Oh, I forgot I am a scholar, how can I use such words" "Sorry, doctor" "You must hurry if you ready want a horse's prick because I'll go home two days later You can't do it then" "Master Mei, please offer some incense" "I pray thee, Master Hua Tuo, let my operation be a success without any mishaps" "Alright, please undress!" "The moon is bright tonight It's best if it rains" "It's the fourth gong now." "Let's start" "Why wait till it's the fourth gong?" "An animal or a man's organ is most excited at the time when the cocks begin to crow" "If the transplant operation is done at this time, the effect will be best" "A horse will get excited when it sees red" "Get it up!" "This is Ma Fei soup, a kind of anaesthetics" "Drink it and you feel nothing... in your lower limbs" "Young chap, get some wine for the horse" "I said get some wine for the horse, Go!" "Why doesn't the horse take Ma Fei soup?" "Because the horse repels..." "Ma Fei soup" "So I have to use wine as anaesthetics for the horse" "Right, leave one gulp" "Doctor, what's that?" "This is what I read in western books" "This is a guillotine... for cutting off people's heads" "I made a miniature one for operation use" "I spent a lot on it" "I'll try it on you, See!" "It shrinks!" "Hey, don't panic" "I'm not panicking I just saw a big mouse" "I'm most afraid of mice" "You're afraid of mice I'm afraid of the rain" "Why?" "When I was a child" "I saw on a rainy night my mother being raped and killed" "Ever since, I get very emotional on rainy nights especially when there is thunderbolt" "Doctor!" "It's almost dawn!" "Help me hold the bottle and put it over there" "We'll start to operate before the first incense goes off" "If we're late then there's no point in operating" "How about the second incense?" "The whole operation must finish before that one goes off" "Don't pull such a long face" "Cheer up, and relax" "I already feel very relaxed!" "Then we're bound to succeed Let's start!" "Smile, I'm going to cut you off!" "I have stopped the bleeding" "It's all finished?" "All finished, Does it hurts?" "No" "You useless rascal!" "Get up...coward!" "What?" "Nothing" "You playing with it?" "Nothing." "Go on" "Gosh!" "He's still sober after downing the pot of wine!" "Rascal!" "He surely can drink" "Shit!" "Time is running out The horse is not yet drunk" "It won't do!" "Now, let's put yours back onto you first" "So, shall we do the proper thing later?" "No, you can only do it once" "Then I won't" "I warn you." "Time is running out" "If you don't put it back on, the wound will kill you" "Doggie, doggie, don't carry it away!" "Doggie!" "Hey, you dog, give it back to me" "Don't carry it away" "Doggie, I want my prick back..." "No, give him back his prick..." "So, give it back to me..." "Don't panic, I've found it for you" "But there's only a little bit left" "What we can do... is to cut the boy's bird for you" "How about me?" "What am I going to do?" "You'll be eunuch." "Fool!" "What!" "Are you kidding?" "Am I not a human being?" "Don't I have my human rights?" "Who told you to be a page boy?" "Why are you born so poor" "Who are you to talk... about human rights?" "Doesn't it include the right of not being cut off one's prick" "No!" "Give it to me!" "No!" "Don't run!" "You rascal!" "No!" "Mine is very small!" "Give me a hand, quick!" "Catch it with the pail" "Ready..." "Doctor!" "Doctor!" "Rascal!" "Get up, rascal" "Get to work, son" "Let me help you" "Oh!" "What now?" "Why?" "It can't move" "I broke the jar of Ma Fei soup" "It poured over your hand" "Quick." "Get the jar of Gum Cho Get the pail too" "Pour them all" "How's it now?" "No reaction" "Can't move" "It won't do if it can't move" "It can't move" "How long does it take to work" "Half an incense the soonest The incense is almost finished" "It's finished!" "It's finished!" "It's the will of God" "Doctor, your hand can move now!" "Master, master, he can move his hand again!" "What are you doing?" "Don't hold on to my master" "Let go!" "What's the wine?" "It tastes good" "It stops." "The rain stops What are you waiting for?" "Now, you can only do it after a hundred days" "If you break the rule, you'll be impotent" "Old chap!" "You sent your page boy for me, and said you want to avenge on me by fighting me" "You take my sword" "I'll fight you with barehands" "I said those things only to incite you to come" "In fact I want to thank you" "Are you kidding?" "No." "You are a man of your words, right?" "Right." "I always keep my words" "Good old chap Last time you taught me a lesson" "What did you say at the end?" "I said I'll beat you up whenever I see you" "No!" "Any tips?" "It's to do with a horse" "Tips for horse racing?" "No!" "A horse's prick!" "I remember now Have you got it?" "Boy, the gong!" "Fuck you!" "You tied a big rod on to fool me?" "It does look like a horse's prick It's a fake" "It must be a fake." "It's impossible" "It's the real thing!" "There's a scar there And the colour is different" "I wonder how you put it on" "You have a discerning eye, old chap" "This is a real horse prick" "I met a magical surgeon, who put it on for me" "I admire you courage" "You deserve be my buddy" "Quickly, get it up" "No problem" "Boy, give me a hand!" "Boy, use your mouth!" "It's a soft thing" "Fuck!" "After all this effort, Buddy" "I can't help you now" "Can't move an inch, it's useless!" "Boy, leave it." "Don't waste your saliva" "Well, I think you'd better out it off before it gets rotten" "Otherwise the poison will get to your heart" "That I can help." "Let's do it" "Ready?" "Not yet!" "Don't stop waving your sword" "Hey, are you playing games with me?" "No, I feel something." "Don't stop" "You get excited when I wave my sword?" "Yes, yes" "OK." "Let's try" "It works!" "It works!" "Go on..." "Go on play out the whole thing!" "How come my Master never told me... the whole secret?" "Master, what can I do for you?" "I'd like to get some white silk" "Have you got some?" "Yes, please take a seat" "Why, this silk seems not so white" "It can't be Our silk is the most white in the trade" "Because your hand is so white, the silk seems yellow" "In fact, everything has to match with something else" "With your stunning beauty" "You must marry someone... with the talents and looks of man and someone as gentle as I am, then it's a perfect man" "If you marry a guy as dark as an ox" "Always scolds you and beats you up, and keeps you hungry leaves all the hard work to you, so that your fingers are all broken" "In that case... it's just like putting a flower on cowshit" "Just like... you've married this vulgar husband of yours now" "You scoundrel!" "I'll come to see you some other time, my beauty!" "Don't run!" "Are you blind!" "Asshole!" "You hurt my foot and you're talking to me like this!" "Do you own the street?" "Sorry, buddy." "It's my fault, I'm blind" "I hurt your foot." "It's my fault!" "Piss off!" "I'll be away from home for 10 days" "If I find you seeing other men I'll wring your head off" "I can set my heart at ease" "Come in" "No, don't..." "I can't help thinking of you after seeing you" "I am sorry that you were hurt by the vulgar man" "I am sending you some medicine for your wound" "I will bring wine and food to see you tonight to tell you my love for you and everything else." "Yours" "Please be considerate I can't take my mind off you" "Master, I'm a good woman" "I'm not easy going" "I brought... some wine and food" "I just want to have a chat with you That's all" "No!" "I can't!" "No!" "What a coincidence!" "I don't believe you" "See it for yourself" "The key is with my husband" "This is... my buddy Choi Kun Lun" "He's well known for opening locks" "Take some, master." "It's delicious" "Put it down" "You help this lecherous scholar to chase after my wife" "You humiliated me" "People laugh at me everywhere" "Choi, I can't fight you" "But I'm also a human being" "Don't go too far" "I've brought my relatives and friends" "The matter must be settled today" "OK, you have it" "You ask that wretched scholar to chip in 100 luen then my wife goes to him" "And I'll go as far as I can" "If you don't help me you better kill me" "Are you kidding?" "I go to the capital shortly to take up my new post" "I can't take leave to come back in a year's time" "If you serve for Majesty, I have no complaint" "I am afraid you frequently visit the brothels" "Am I that bad?" "Sure You brought back syphillis last time?" "You even said no problem" "You thought I am an idiot" "This is made from big's gut I specially made it for you" "When you have fun with the prostitutes, wear it" "Don't bring back syphillis I won't forgive you" "The size does not fit me" "I have it tailor made for you according to your size" "It won't bend like that" "Mistress I know you are loved by both sexes" "I don't know how can your husband make you happy is it because his cock can bend" "Beat me!" "What have your cock been piercing?" "I've been painting" "Really?" "Painting in a crawling position" "It is all in a mess What the hell are you painting?" "It's secretion from my cunt" "No." "It's ink painting" "Ink painting?" "What are you doing so mysteriously, even closing the window" "Erotic painting" "You wretched fool" "You remember what I taught you when you are young" "You look at those paintings and write those dispicable things" "Master" "You want to die young?" "Where have you been?" "I went to look for Wong Chut and bring him to see Mistress" "Really?" "Master" "Call her Mistress the Eldest" "Mistress the Eldest" "This is Wong Chut He sold himself to us as a gardener" "This is the inner chamber You are not allowed come in" "If you do, I'll have you locked by the police." "Understand?" "Yes." "Master" "Go to work now" "Yes" "Kneel down" "Don't stand up until you have memorized the required sections" "It's you" "Why didn't you tell me Mistress has become so debased" "Show me your hand!" "That one" "Kneel down with her." "That's a punishment" "Wife" "What's up?" "Wife, your cousin has arrived She insists on coming in" "I failed to stop her" "Hide yourself" "Where should I hide?" "Take off the calligraphic work" "Be quick" "You haven't visit me for a long time" "Your husband has been away for a month Aren't you lonely" "Why is the calligraphic work placed on the bed?" "I am going to expose it under the sun" "Well, the case must be empty" "I've put some stones inside" "Cousin, haven't we agreed that we are on the same boat" "Yes" "If you have something good, is it better to share with me?" "Sure" "Have you recently made a new friend who got something big" "No." "I don't know what you mean" "That guy left last night" "You come too late" "What kind of stuff is this?" "Why is this still so warm if he left last night" "Young master, I am waiting on you" "Where am I?" "This house is linked with the next one owed by Shui Chu" "Our Lord is called Fa Sun, the cousin of Shui Chu" "Her husband died since she married into the family for two years" "Rumour-mongers said our young Master live a sensuous life, and he died for having too much sex with her." "That's untrue" "As the daughter knew more about life, and as her husband was always away from home studying her loneliness was unbearable" "She had an affair with Wong Chut and became pregnant" "She was now expecting a baby" "The daughter felt ashamed to see the father" "Therefore, she fled with Wong Chut" "But she pray to Haaven every night, hoping that her father could live a long life" "Your unfilial daughter kowtows in tears" "This bowl of tea can cool off the summer heat" "I've asked... somebody to carry you in an sedan" "Please be careful I will be shaken to death" "What do you waant?" "Where is Brother Chut?" "Brother Chut?" "Brother Chut?" "Help me" "Help!" "Brother Chut" "Where are you, Brother Chut?" "Let me go" "Who are you?" "What do you want?" "I am the Mistress Ku well known in the capital" "You parents have sold you to our brothels" "This is the deed for the transaction" "Don't shake" "I am pregnant." "Don't shake" "We do it on purpose" "The bowl of herbal medicine given to you by your husband was the most effective medicine for abortion" "They massage you like that" "It is to help you to abort" "No." "Help me." "Let me go" "Your Majesty, the rebels are pursuing us" "When the tyrannous Emperor Mei Yeung Sheng was in reign, he raped women and massacred common folks" "I now got Heaven's mandate and set up a new dynasty" "I order that the tyrannous Emperor be sentenced" "Persecutions and rapes will be gone for ever" "Is that so?" "Are you really so crazy?" "You cut off the penis of this mare's husband... for your own use" "Now this widow is coming back to look for her husband" "No." "Help!" "You have to practise on two points and four locations" "First, it is to write with the private part" "Whether they are big or small characters they all look like being written by hands" "This can train the strength of the private part, and also the strength of the waist" "Second, it is the training of the tongue" "When you practise, you have to take pains" "If your tongue can tolerate the bitterness of the shake's bile then you can overcome all kinds of odour of the human body" "During the bitter process your abdomen will naturally contract" "This is a way to train the abdomen" "After training your private part, the waist, tongue and abdomen, you can help the impotent... to feel like king again" "If you have this skill of yin-yang complementarity, you will be the Number One prostitute of the captial" "Young Master, watch out for the steps" "I notice that" "I am not yet blind" "Young Master, be careful" "Those two women over there asked me to give you this" "My husband suddenly comes back from the capital" "All of a sudden, he bid farewell to the Emperor" "Day and night, he misses the body of the Emperor" "He cannot sleep well and has lost a lot of weight" "My husband said there is a famous doctor in the capital" "He is known by the name "Doctor who can mend the sky"" "He can turn an impotant man into normal one" "I hope the doctor can fix the Emperor's dragon cock" "Whenever my husband was in the capital, he can get high" "Some exciting entertainments are now lining up for you" "Your honey, Shui" "It's not a bad idea to go to the capital" "Why don't you, Brother Choi, come with me" "I can't go" ""Iron Hand" is in the capital" "The special mission of this "iron hand" is to catch me" "I must stay here to fight with him to death" "What does that sign post say?" "Young Master, it reads "Chamber of Revolving Heaven"" "Young Master Choi, please come in" "Take your time" "The doctor has arrived" "This is Young Master Choi from Hoi Fung" "How are you, Young Master Choi?" "Fine!" "How about you, Doctor?" "Let's help you take off the clothes and check your body" "Such a big size!" "He won't be my husband" "What's the result." "Doctor Can that be cured?" "Young Master is born with a good physique" "Unfortunately, he has too much sex recently" "He is now very weak sexually" "Let me rejuvenate you, by medicine" "You'll get better soon" "The voice sounds like my wife's" "Why not" "Young Master has something very extraordinary" "He cock seemed to get hardened just now" "He almost made it" "To be frank" "If Doctor tries it again," "I guarantee his cock get fired up" "Why wear something red on the head?" "Honestly, this stick of mine is jointed" "Originally..." "Originally, that was very small." "Right?" "How do you know?" "It is only a guess" "It's really you" "When I fondled your breast just now, I was suspicious because all over the world, only my wife has a slim body and yet possesses a pair of breasts as big as water-melons" "You cheapy-cheapy!" "I taught you how to make love" "You bring with you the techiques" "I taught you to the brothels" "No..." "Don't go away!" "Don't go away" "Young Master" "Despicable woman." "Come out!" "PLease don't" "Come out on your knees" "I will report to the police and let them strip off your clothes" "And parade you and drown you" "I'll make this known... in your home town" "Who are you?" "You dare to make troubles here" "Do you know the Army Commander is my customer" "She is my wife" "I'll sue you for abducting young woman into brothels" "Get out of here" "Chau-yin, Chau-yin, don't be afraid" "Mistress Ku" "Break the door" "Chau-yin, Chau-yin Why are you that crazy?" "Get me a stool." "Put her down" "She's strangled to death" "You should die" "Great Master." "I know I am wrong" "I know scores will finally be settled" "Disciple Choi Kun-Lun commited a lot of crimes" "In the duel, my hands were chopped off by the policeman" "From now on, I cannot stand upright here" "Great Master, I know I am wrong" "My stupid child." "You are back now I, your disciple, hope you will retain me" "O.K. Tomorrow I will shave your head and call you "Unrepenting Stone"" "I, your disciple, beg you will retain me also" "O.K. You two go to meditate against the wall" "Call "Bitter Dream" to come out" "Bitter Dream, have you get settled down?" "Master, whenever I close my eyes" "I will see I am forcing Huk-yeung to take abortion" "And running towards me, she will have me to pay back her life" "Unrepenting Stone, come back" "You see who these two people are?" "What you did in the past will have an effect on the future" "What you are doing today will have an effect on the future" "Love, hatred and revenges will form an endless cycle" "You have to get away from this Sea of Agony." "Understand?"