" Hello!" "Signorine e signore..." "Mesdames et messieurs, je regrette infiniment..." " What's all this fuss, Charters?" " I don't know." "Meine Damen und Herren, bitte schön..." "Danke schön!" "Danke schön!" "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very sorry, the train is little bit up-hold." "And if you wish to stay in my hotel, you are to register immediately." "Why the deuce didn't he say so in the first place?" "Ah!" "How do you do, Miss Henderson?" "Ladies." "It's a great honour to have you here again." "Nice to see you, Boris." "You haven't changed since Friday." " You haven't shaved either." " Is it ready?" " Yes." "I've changed nothing." " Not even the sheets!" " Lead on, Boris." " I didn't expect you so soon." "Our legs gave out on us." "We had to do the last lap in a farm car." "I see we've got company." "Are Cook's running cheap tours here?" " What is it?" " It's the avalanche." " Avalunch?" " Avalanche, Boris." "Avalanche." "In the Spring, we've got many avalanches." "The snow goes bloop and everything disappear." "Even train disappear." "I'm going home tomorrow." "When will they dig it up?" "By morning, lucky for you." "Leave by this train instead of your own." "How you say it?" "It's a bad wind that blow nowhere no good." "Talking of wind, we've not eaten since dawn." " Supper in our room, please." " I could eat a horse." "Don't give him ideas." "Some chicken, Boris, and a magnum of champagne." "Bandrika may have a dictator but tonight, we're painting it red." "Meanwhile we have to stand here cooling our heels." "Third-rate country." "What do you expect?" " I wonder who those women were?" " Americans, I should think." "Almighty dollar, old man." "We'll have to wait." "If only we hadn't missed the train at Budapest." "If you hadn't insisted standing while they sang their national anthem..." "You must show respect, Caldicott." "If I'd known it would last 20 minutes..." "It's my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is not their national anthem." " And we were the only two standing." " True." " Well, we should be in time after all." " No, that last report was ghastly   "England on the Brink"." " That's newspaper sensationalism." "The country's been in tight corners before." "Looks black." "Even if we leave first thing, there's the connection at Basle." " That's true." " Someone surely can help." "Sir, what time does the train leave Basle for England?" " Oh, really?" "Fellow doesn't speak English." "'Allo, Alex?" "...champagne, Miss Anderson." " Messieurs, ah." " Vous ìtes..." " Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch." "...chambre pour deux..." "Here's one leaves Basle, 21:20." " 21:20?" "20, 20, 12 from 21 is..." " Yes. 21 from 20 11, no, yes it is..." "...20 one, two, three, four..." "There is only left two single room in front or a little double room at the back." " We'll take the singles." " Very well, sir, 'ere is it." " Thank you." " Thank you." "At least you might have asked me." "My dear, a small double room at the back in a place like this." " You weren't so particular in Paris." " It was quite different." " The exhibition was at its height." " I realise that now." "There's no need to rub it in." " We want a private suite." " Facing the mountain." " With a shower." " Hot and cold." " And a private thingummy." " The only things left is the maid's room." " What?" " I'm sorry." " The hotel is jammed to the sky." " But we haven't fixed up yet." "You can't put two of us up in the maid's room." "Don't get excited, I'll remove the maid out." "I should think so." "What?" "What are you talking about?" " I'd sooner sleep on the train." " Would you?" " There is no 'eating in the train." " No eating?" "Yes, I mean, ha!" "Heating." "Brrr." " Oh, heating, no heating." " That's awkward." "Oh, we'll take it." "You have to have the maid comes to your room and remove her wardrobe." "Anna!" "She's a good girl and I don't want to lose her." "You'd better go and grab it." " Rather primitive humour." " Grown-up children, you know." "That was an awkward situation over that girl." " Pity we couldn't have one each." " Hey?" " I mean, er, a room apiece." " Oh." "I, Iris Matilda Henderson, a spinster of no particular parish, do hereby solemnly renounce my maidenly parts and do declare that on Thursday next, the 26th inst." "Being in my right mind, I shall take the veil and the orange blossom and change my name to Lady Charles Fotheringale." "Get him to change his name instead." "The only thing I like is his moustache." "You're cynics." "I'm very fond of him." "I'm fond of rabbits but they have to be kept down." "Rudolf, give me a hand." " Have you ever read about love?" " It used to be popular." "The carpet is already laid at St George's, Hanover Square." "And father's aching to have a coat of arms on the jam label." "To the happy days she's leaving behind." "And the blue-blooded cheque-chaser she's dashing to London to marry." "The blue-blooded cheque-chaser." "I've no regrets." "I've been everywhere and done everything." "I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs," "I've played baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean." "What is there left for me but marriage?" "This hanging about gets me." "If only we knew what was happening in England." " Mustn't lose grip." "Come in." " Did you follow that?" " I did." "Tell her this has gone far enough." "There is no, er, no change, change here." " Erm, outside." " She doesn't understand." " No, come on." "Ow!" " Nothing newer than last month." " I don't suppose there's a wireless set." "Awful being in the dark." "Our communications cut off in a crisis." "'Allo, 'allo." "London?" "You want Mr Seltzer?" "Yes, j-hold on, I'm going right to find where he is." "London." "Go on, risk it." "Hello." "Hello, you, you in London." "No, I'm not Mr Seltzer." "Name's Charters." "I don't suppose you know me." "You needn't worry." "They've just gone to fetch him." "Tell me, what's happening to England?" "Blowing a gale?" "No, you don't follow me, sir." "I'm enquiring about the test match in Manchester." "Cricket, sir, cricket." "What, you don't know?" "You can't be in England and not know." " Fellow says he doesn't know." " Silly arse." "Can't you find out?" "It won't take a second." "All right, if you won't, you won't." "Wasting my time - he's an ignoramus." "At last, your call come through to London." "Hello?" "Hello, hello?" "... London?" " Thank you, waiter." " How about a grilled steak?" " Good idea." "Well done for me." " On the red side for me." "They have a passion for repeating themselves." " I beg your pardon." " M-hm?" "He's trying to explain that, owing to the number of visitors," " there's no food left." " No food?" "What sort of place is this?" "Expect us to share a blasted dog box with a servant girl on an empty stomach." "Is that hospitality?" "Is that organisation?" "Oh, thank you." " I'm hungry." " I don't wonder they have revolutions." "You're welcome to what's left of the cheese." " It's not steak but it's rich in vitamins." " Really?" "Thank you." "They're not accustomed to catering for so many." "Bandrika is one of Europe's undiscovered corners." "Because there's nothing worth discovering." "You may not know it as well as I do." "I'm miserable at the thought of leaving." " After you with the cheese, please." " Why not." "So you're going home?" "Tomorrow." "My little charges are quite grown up." "I'm a governess and music teacher, you know." "In the six years I've lived here, I've grown to love the country, the mountains..." " They're like friendly neighbours." "The father and mother mountain, with their snow hats, and their nephews and nieces, not quite so big, with smaller hats, right down to the tiniest hillock, without any hat at all." " Of course, that's just my fancy." " Oh, really." "I watch them from my bedroom when there's a moon." "I'm so glad there's a moon tonight." "Do you hear that music?" "Everyone sings here." "The people are just like happy children," " with laughter and music in their hearts." " It's not reflected in their politics." "I never think you should judge a country by its politics." "After all, we English are quite honest by nature, aren't we?" "You'll excuse me if I run away?" " Good night." " Good night." "Queer sort of bird." "A trifle whimsical, I thought." "After six years in this hole, we'd be whimsical." "I don't think so, old man." "She was very decent about that cheese." "I see she's finished the pickles." "Good night, Iris." "Listen." "Someone's serenading." "Oh, let him." "Nothing'll keep me awake tonight." "Good night, my children." " What's happening, an earthquake?" " That wouldn't account for the music." "What a horrible noise." " What can they be doing?" " I don't know but I'll soon find out." "Hello?" "Musical country, this." "Yes, I feel quite sorry for that poor singer outside, having to compete with this." "Boris, Miss Henderson speaking." "Someone is playing musical chairs with an elephant." "Move one of them, will you, I want to get some sleep." "All right." " That ought to settle it." " Thank you so much." "Some people have so little consideration which makes life so much more difficult." "Good night." "Thank you so much." "You'll be going for the train in the morning?" " Yes." " I hope we shall meet again under..." "Under quieter circumstances." " Good night." " Good night." "Miss, please, I'll fix everything." "You'd better." "Hold it." "Don't move, don't move." "Er..." " If you please, sir..." " Get out." "One, two." "Please, sir, will you kindly stop?" "They're all complaining in the hotel, you make too much noise." " Too much what?" " Too much noise." "You dare to call it a noise." "The ancient music with which your peasant ancestors celebrated every wedding." "The dance they danced when your father married your mother." "If you were born in wedlock, which I doubt." "Look at them." " You're the manager of this...?" " Sure I am." "I'm accustomed to squalor." "Who's complained?" "This young English lady underneath." "You tell the young English lady that I am putting on record, for the benefit of mankind, one of the lost folk dances of central Europe" " and she does not own this hotel." " Sir, you understand..." "Now, one, two." "He said, "Who she think she is, the Queen of Sheba?"" ""She think she own the hotel?"" " Can't you get rid of him?" " Impossible." " Are you sure?" " I begin to wonder." "I've got an idea." "The German lady, she will call him on the telephone." "She will say, "It's my room." "I did pay for it." "Get out quickly."" " How' s that?" " Good enough." "Then shock him with a little... pchh!" "He'll never forget it as long as long as he live." "Nothing but baseball." "You know, we used to call it rounders." "Children play it with a rubber ball and a stick." "Not a word about cricket." " Americans got no sense of proportion." "Come in." "Gute Nacht." "I can't stand this ridiculous lack of privacy." "Lock the door." " Oh!" "Gute Nacht." "Who are you?" "What do you want?" " Recognise the signature tune?" " Will you please get out?" "Oh, this is a much better room." "Definitely an acceptable room." "What exactly do you think you're doing?" "Keep away." "Would you hold those for a minute?" "Put those back at once." " Which side do you like to sleep?" " Do you want me to throw you out?" "In that case, I'll sleep in the middle." "Smart of you to bribe the manager." "Eye for an eye and a tooth for a toothbrush." "You're behaving like a complete cad." "You're perfectly at liberty to sleep in the corridor, if you want to." " Hello?" " Oh, I shouldn't, if I were you." "I'd only tell everyone you invited me here." "When I say everyone, I mean everyone." "I have a powerful voice." " Come out of there at once." " Not until you bribe the manager" " to restore me to my attic." " Come out!" "Hello." "Boris?" "Look, I was thinking, I might change my mind about that room upstairs if..." "Oh, by the way, you might have my things taken upstairs, would you?" "You're the most contemptible person I've ever met." "Confidentially, I think you're a bit of a stinker, too." "If we get to Basle on time, we'll see the last day of the match." "Hope the weather's like this in Manchester." "Perfect wicket for our fellas." " Isn't it here?" " Hurry, Margaret, or we shan't get a compartment to ourselves." "Does it matter?" "There's still time to change your mind." "Send Charles a telegram, tell him he's all washed up." "No, it's too late." "This time next week, I shall be a sunburnt offering on an altar in Hanover Square." "I shan't mind, really." "Oh, good morning." "I can't find my bag." "It's a brown holdall, have you seen..." "No, of course not." "Thank you." "I gave it to the porter..." "Oh, she dropped her glasses." " You dropped your glasses." " Thank you." " Oh!" " Oh dear, oh dear, oh, dear." " Oh, my dear." " Darling, are you hurt?" "I don't know." "What was it?" "This cockeyed station has brained my friend!" " What are you going to do about it?" "He won't hold the train." " Hurry up, it's going." " I'll be all right." " Are you sure?" "Be careful." "Don't worry." "I'll look after her." "Such cads." "You sure you're all right?" " Send us a copy of the Times." " Write and tell us all about it." "Good luck." "Look after yourself." "There, there." "You'll be all right in a minute." "Just take everything quietly." "Put some of this eau de Cologne on your head." " Do you feel any better?" " Yes, thank you." "I'm all right now." "What you need is a good, strong cup of tea." " I'll ring for the attendant." " No, no." " I'll go to the dining car." "I need some air." " I'll come with you." " If you don't mind, that is." " No, of course not." "Oh, I, I beg your pardon." "I'm so sorry." "You can always tell a honeymoon couple, you know." "They're so shy." " Why do that?" " We don't want people staring." "You think the whole legal profession is dogging you." " One would be enough." " You thought that beggar was a lawyer." "His face was distinguished enough for a judge." " You hurried in the opposite direction." " I was looking for a street." " You weren't so careful at first." " I know, I know." "As for you meeting someone you know, what about me?" "Robert thinks I'm cruising with Mother." "If one's feeling shaky, it's best to sit in the middle of the coach." "Preferably facing the engine." " A pot of tea for two, please." " Very good." "Oh, and just a minute." "Will you please tell them to make it from this?" "I don't drink any other." "And make absolutely sure that the water is really boiling." "You understand?" "It's a fad of mine." "My father and mother, who, I'm thankful to say, are still alive, and enjoying good health, invariably drink it." "And so, I follow their footsteps." "Do you know, a million Mexicans drink it?" "That's what it says on the packet." "It's kind of you to help me." "We haven't introduced ourselves." "I'm Iris Henderson, I'm going home to be married." " How exciting." "I do hope you'll be happy." " Thank you." "You'll have children?" "They make such a difference." "I think it's being with kiddies that's made me, if I may say so, young for my age." " I'm a governess." "My name's Froy." " Did you say Flora?" " Froy." " I'm sorry, I can't hear." "Froy." "It rhymes with joy." "Thank you." "Please reserve two places for lunch." " If you care to have it with me?" " Of course." "Nothing moot about it, it wasn't out." "But for the umpire's blunder, he'd still be batting." " What do you mean?" " I'll show you." "I saw the whole thing." "Now then, there's Hammond, there's the bowler, there's the umpire." " Sugar?" " Two, please." "Dear me, there is no sugar." "Watch this very carefully, Caldicott." "Grimmet was bowling." "May I trouble you for the sugar, please?" " What?" " The sugar, please." "Thank you so much." "If I were you, I'd try and get a little sleep." "It'll make you feel well." "There's an intriguing acrostic in The Needlewoman." "I'm going to try and unravel it before you wake up." "Reservations for lunch, please." " Madam has booked for lunch?" " My friend did, she's got the ticket." " Have you seen my friend?" " No?" "Erm, my friend, where is she?" "La signora inglese, the English lady, where is she?" " There has been no English lady here." " What?" " There has been no English lady here." " There has." "She sat there, in the corner." "You saw her, you spoke to her." "She sat next to you." "She took me to the dining car and came back here with me." "You went and came back alone." "I mean the lady who looked after me when I was knocked out." "Ah, perhaps it make-a you forget, eh?" "I may be very dense, but if this is a joke, I'm afraid I don't see the point." " Steward, you served me tea." " Yes, madam." " Have you seen the lady I was with?" " But madam was alone." " Pardon, he make mistake." " He must remember the English lady." " She paid for the tea." " It is you who paid." " He say to look at the bill." " She gave you a special packet of tea." " The tea was ours, I receive no packet." " But you did." " Pardon, madam, the bill." " Er, tea for one." " But that's not right." "Perhaps madam would examine the bills?" "No, the whole thing's too absurd." "Please, have you seen a lady pass through...?" "Oh." "Well, if it isn't old stinker." "If I thought you'd be on this train, I'd have stayed in the hotel." " Er, lady, no, why?" " Doesn't matter." "You probably wouldn't recognise one anyway." "Hello?" "Feeling queer?" "It's that pipe of yours." "Why don't you throw your old socks away?" "Thanks for the help." " Come on, sit down, what's the trouble?" " Something fell on my head." " When, infancy?" " At the station." " Bad luck." "Can I help?" " Only by going away." "No." "My father taught me, never desert a lady in trouble." "He went as far as marrying mother." " Did you see a lady last night in tweeds?" " I saw one lady, hardly in tweeds." " She was in my compartment." " She must be still on the train." " Of course." "I know that." " All right." "Nobody said she isn't." " That's just what they are saying." " Who?" "The people in the compartment and the stewards." " All of them?" " All of them." " You said you got a knock on the head?" " What do you mean?" " Never mind." "Do you talk the lingo?" " No." "They probably thought you wanted money." "Let's knock the idea out of their heads." "Unfortunate remark, I beg your pardon." "That's one of them, the little dark man." "I say, there's been a misunderstanding." "This lady has lost her friend." "I have heard." "This gentleman has been explaining to me." "Most interesting." " I think we shall all introduce ourselves." " I am Italian citizen." " My wife and child." " How do you do." "Bonny chap, how old?" "1934." "And the lady in the corner is the Baroness Attorna." "Yes." "I met her husband at the folk dance festival." "Minister of Propaganda." "I am Dr Egon Hartz of Prague." "You may have heard of me." " The brain specialist?" " The same." "You flew to England and operated on a cabinet minister." " Yes." " Did you find anything?" " A slight cerebral contusion." " Better than nothing." "I am picking up a more complicated case at the next station." "I shall operate at the hospital tonight." "A cranial fracture with compression." " You understand?" " Yes, a wallop on the beam." " You haven't seen my friend?" " No." "I'll just take a word with the baroness." " Scusi, avete visto la signora?" " No." "Non I'ha vista." " What do they say?" " They've never seen her." " But she was sitting where you are." " Can you describe her?" "It's a bit difficult." "She was sort of ordinary." " What was she wearing?" " Tweeds." "Oatmeal, flecks of brown, a three-quarter coat with patch pockets, a scarf, felt hat, brown shoes, a tussore shirt and a small, blue handkerchief in her breast pocket." " I can't remember any more." " You weren't paying attention!" " You both went to tea?" " Yes." " Surely you met somebody?" " I suppose we did, but..." "Wait, let me think." "There was an Englishman who passed the sugar." " Right." "Let's go and dig him out." " I come with you." "This is interesting." "We don't like people muscling in but we'll make you a member." "Wait, Miss Froy stumbled into this compartment." "There was a tall gentleman and a lady." "If we can find someone who saw her, we'll search the place." " Can I be of assistance?" " That's him." "Do you remember seeing this lady pass here with a little English woman?" "I'm, er, I'm afraid not." "But you must have." "She almost fell into your compartment." "It's very important." "Everybody's saying she wasn't on the train but I know she is." "I'm going to find her, even if I have to stop the train to do it." "I say, Caldicott, this is Charters, can I come in?" "That girl we saw at the hotel is kicking up a devil of a fuss." " Says she's lost her friend." " She hasn't been in here." " She threatens to stop the train." " Oh, Lord." "If we miss our connection, we won't make Manchester in time." " This is serious." " Let's hide in here." "I haven't the faintest recollection." "You must be making a mistake." "He obviously doesn't remember." "Let's go and look for the other fellow." "Who were you talking to, outside?" "Oh, nobody." "Just, er, some people in the corridor, arguing." " There he is." "That's the man." " Oh, I wonder if I could bother you?" " I wonder if you can help?" " How?" "I was having tea with an English lady." "You saw her?" " I don't know, I was talking to my friend." " Indubitably." "She turned and borrowed the sugar." " You must remember." " I recall passing the sugar." " Then you saw her?" " We were discussing cricket." "I don't see how a thing like cricket can make you forget." "If that's your attitude, there's nothing more to say." "Come, Caldicott." "Thing like cricket!" "We should have said we were looking for a lost cricket ball." " There must be some explanation." " There is." "Please forgive me, but I have known cases where a sudden shock or blow" " has induced a most vivid impression." " I understand." " You don't believe me." " It's not a question of belief." "Even a concussion may have curious effects upon an imaginative person." "But I can remember every little detail." "Her name, Miss Froy, everything." "So interesting." "If one had time, one could trace the cause of the hallucination." " Hallucination?" " Precisely." "There is no Miss Froy, merely a vivid, subjective image." " I met her at the hotel." " You thought you did." " But what about the name?" " Some past association, an advertisement or a character in a novel, subconsciously remembered." "There is no reason to be frightened, if you are quiet and relax." "Thank you very much." "If you will excuse me, this is where my patient comes aboard." "Excuse me." "Most interesting." " Stopping." " This is the first stop, isn't it?" " Mm-hm." " Miss Froy must still be on the train." "Look out of this window and see if she gets off." "I'll take the other." "Most interesting." " What was she wearing, Scotch tweeds?" " Oatmeal tweeds." "I knew it had something to do with porridge." "How long does it take to get a divorce?" " Eric?" " I-I beg your pardon." "I wasn't listening." " How long does it take to get a divorce?" " That depends." "Why?" "I was wondering whether we could take our honeymoon next spring." " I mean, the official one." " The difficulties are considerable." "The courts are very crowded just now." "Although we barristers ought not to complain about that." "With conditions as they are now, my chances of becoming a judge are rosy." "That is, if nothing untoward occurs." "Such as you being mixed up in a divorce case." "Yes." "In that first careless rapture, you didn't care what happened." "The law, like Caesar's wife, must be above suspicion." "Even when the law spends six weeks with Caesar's wife?" "Now I know why you've been running around like a scared rabbit." " Why you lied a few minutes ago." " I lied?" "Yes, to those people in the corridor." "I heard every word you said." "I didn't wish to be mixed up in any inquiry." "Inquiry!" "Just because a little woman can't be found." "If the woman had disappeared and I'd admitted having seen her, we might become vital witnesses." "My name might appear in the papers, coupled with yours." "A scandal like that might lead anywhere." " Anywhere." " Yes." "I suppose it might." " Nobody?" " Nobody." "All that came out was two bits of orange peel and a paper bag." "I know there's a Miss Froy." "She's real." "That's what you say but nobody else has seen her." "I saw her, I think." "You did?" " A little woman in tweeds." " With a scarf?" " I saw her with you when you passed." " I knew I was right." " Your husband said he hadn't seen her." " He didn't notice but I remembered." "You win." "This calls for action." "Would you make a statement?" " Of course, if it helps." " Pardon, my patient has just arrived." "We've some news." "This lady saw Miss Froy." " We shall have the train searched." " You need a fresh theory." "My theory was a good one." "The facts were misleading." " I hope you find your friend." "Excuse me." " I'll be in here." "Right you are." "Come along." "Eric." "I told that girl that I'd seen her friend." " Have you taken leave of your senses?" " On the contrary." "I've come to them." " What do you mean?" " If there's scandal, there'd be a divorce." "You couldn't let me down." "You'd do the decent thing," " as reluctantly as only you know how." " You forget one thing, Margaret." "Your husband would divorce you but my wife will never divorce me." "I tell you, we're going to search the train." "Ah, signorina..." "Your friend, she come back." " Come back?" " Sí, sí." " But what happened?" " You go see." "She tell you." "Scusi." "Thanks." "All right, relax, the crisis is over." "Let's join the lady." " Here we are." " Miss Froy." " Here we are." " Miss Froy." " That isn't Miss Froy." " Isn't it?" " No." " It's silly to say but are you Miss Froy?" "No." "I am Madam Kummer." "She helped you into the carriage, then went to see some friends." "As you spoke of the English lady, she didn't connect her with Madam Kummer." "But she wasn't the lady." "It was Miss Froy." " Oatmeal tweeds, blouse..." " I know, everything's the same" " but it isn't her." " When did you meet Miss Froy?" " Last night, at the hotel." " Was she wearing a costume like this?" " Yes, I think so." " Then I apologise." "You did meet her." " Then..." " But not on this train." "In your subconscious, you substituted Miss Froy for Madam Kummer." "I didn't." "I couldn't have." "I talked to her here." "An English lady saw her." "If this lady wouldn't mind..." "Bon, aprés vous, madame." "What a gift for languages the fellow's got." "Would you tell us, is this the woman you saw?" "It isn't a bit like her, is it?" " Yes, she's the woman." " It isn't, I tell you." "Are you sure?" " Perfectly." " She isn't, she isn't." "Come on, then." "I'm so sorry to have troubled you." "Well?" "Aren't you going to say anything?" " You might at least gloat, if nothing else." " You only did it to save your own skin." "She was lying." "I saw it in her face." "They're all lying, but why?" "Why don't you sit down?" "Do you think I substituted Miss Froy's face for Madam Kummer's?" " I think a change'd be an improvement." " Miss Froy was on this train and nothing will convince me otherwise." "Must you follow me round like a pet dog?" "Let's say a watchdog, I've got all the better instincts." "Goodbye." "The doctor was right, I never saw Miss Froy on the train." "I'm glad you're gonna take it like that." "Forget all about it." "Make your mind a complete blank." "Watch me, you can't go wrong." " What about something to eat?" " Anything." "That's right." "Come along." " Would you like a little air?" " Thanks." " Can you eat anything?" " I could try." " You'll feel a different girl tomorrow." " I hope so." "I don't want to meet my fiancé a nervous wreck." "Your what?" "I'm being married on Thursday." " Quite sure you're not imagining that?" " Positive." "Oh, I was afraid so." "Ah, food." " I couldn't face it." " Mind if I talk with my mouth full?" " If you must." " Care to hear about my early life?" " I don't think so." " Well then, I'll begin with my father." "It's remarkable how many great men began with their father." "Drink?" " A cup of tea, please." "My father was a very colourful character and he was strongly addicted to..." "You'll never guess?" " Harriman's Herbal Tea." " No!" "Double scotch." " A million Mexicans drink it." " Maybe but Father didn't." "Miss Froy gave the waiter a packet of it." " A packet of what?" " Harriman's Herbal Tea." "We agreed you'd make your mind a complete blank." " But it's so real, I'm sure it happened." " Did we or did we not?" "We did." "Sorry." "Go on telling me about your father." "My father was a very remarkable man." " Did he play the clarionet?" " He did." "He never put it down unless it was absolutely necessary." "I couldn't help inheriting his love of music." " Why not?" " It was all he left me." "You know, you're remarkably attractive." "Has anyone ever told you?" "We were discussing you." " Yes, of course." "Do you like me?" " Not much." "After I'd paid my father's debts, I started to travel, until they tried to cash the cheques." "I'm writing a book now." "Would you like to buy a copy?" "I'd love to." "When will it be out?" "About four years." " That's a very long time." " It's a very long book." "Do you know why you fascinate me?" "I'll tell you." "You have two qualities I admired in Father, you haven't any manners at all and you're always seeing things." " What's the matter?" " Look." " It's gone!" " What's gone?" "Miss Froy's name on the window." "You must have seen it!" "Now, steady, steady." "Thank you." "We've got to find her." "Something's happening to her." "Stop the train." "There's a woman on this train" " Miss Froy." "They're hiding her somewhere." "I appeal to you to stop the train." "Please help me." "Make them stop the train." "Why don't you do something before it's too late?" " Please." " You think I'm crazy but I'm not." "Stop this train!" "Leave me alone." " Leave me alone!" "Huh!" "Ten minutes late thanks to that fool of a girl." "She gets up to any more tricks, we'll be too late for the match." " I suppose you couldn't put it to her?" " What?" "Well, people just don't vanish and so forth." " She has." " What?" "Vanished." " Who?" " The old dame." " Yes." " Well." " Well, how could she?" " What?" " Vanish." " I don't know." "That explains my point." "People don't disappear into thin air." " It's done in India." " What?" " The rope trick." " Oh, that." "It never comes out in a photograph." "Look, in half an hour we'll stop at Morshkan, just before the border." "I will leave there with my patient for the National Hospital." "If you come with me, you can stay overnight in a private ward." " You need rest." " Sorry, nothing doing." "Isn't there anything we can do?" "Yes." "Find Miss Froy." "I tell you, if she does not rest, I will not answer for her." "You persuade her, she likes you." "I'm as popular as a dose of strychnine." "If you coat it with sugar, she may swallow it." "Cosmopolitan trains." "People of all nations." "I've just seen at least a million Mexicans in the corridor." "I thought I'd look in to tell you to think over what Dr Hartz said." "If you fell like changing your mind, I'll be hanging around." " What's all the mystery?" " Miss Froy is on this train." "I've just seen that packet of tea in the rubbish." " She may be dead now." " Dead or..." "For sheer variety, give me an English summer..." "We'll search the train." "There's something definitely queer here." "Looks like a supply service for trunk murderers." "Look at that!" " All right, Miss Froy, it's only us." " Hurry up." "Perhaps it's Miss Froy bewitched!" "I refuse to be discouraged." "Faint heart never found old lady." " Do you know anything about her?" " No." "Only that she was a governess going back home." " What is this thing?" " Can't imagine." "There might be something down here." " What on earth...?" " Our Italian friend." "I've got it!" "Wait a minute." "There you are, the Great Doppo." " His visiting card, look." " What's it say?" "Magician, illusionist, mind-reader see his fascinating act, the vanishing..." "lady." " The vanishing lady?" " Perhaps that's the explanation." " What?" " He's practising on Miss Froy." " Perhaps it's a publicity stunt." " No." "What about the Baroness and Madame Kummer?" " What's your theory?" " I don't know." "My theory?" "I'll tell you." "Oh, dear!" "I can't get..." " Where are you?" " In here." "With a smell of camphor ball." " I can't see you." " I'm about somewhere." " Here I am." "Where are you?" " I don't know." "This is what comes of not saying abracadabra." " Ooh!" "Ooh!" " Are you hurt?" " Come on, out of it." " Not much." " Come and sit down." " What is that?" "In magic circles, we call it the disappearing cabinet." " You get inside and you vanish." " So I noticed." "You were about to tell me of your theory." "Oh, my theory." "Well... my theory, my dear Watson, is that we are in very deep waters indeed." " Ahem." " Oh!" "Thank you very much." "Let us marshal our facts over a pipe full of shag." "A little old lady disappears, everyone who saw her insists she was never there, right?" " Right." " We know that she was, therefore they did see her and so are lying." " Why?" " I don't know." "I'm only Watson." "Don't bury yourself in the part." "They daren't face an enquiry as Miss Froy's still on this train." " I told you that hours ago." " Yes, so you did." " For that you shall have a cigar." " Ooh, thank you." " We must search the train in disguise." " As what?" "Well, er..." " English gentleman." " They'd see through you." "Perhaps you're right." "Aha!" "Will Hay." "Now, boys, boys, which of you has stolen Miss Froy?" "Own up!" " Give those glasses to me." " Why?" " They're Miss Froy's." " Are you sure?" "Yes." "Where did you find them?" " Down here." "The glass is broken." " Probably in the struggle." "Do you realise that this is our first piece of tangible proof?" "That's the lot." "Will you please give me those spectacles?" "They belong to me." "Please." " Are you sure?" " Datemi questi occhiali!" "Naughty, naughty." "That's a large nose for a small pair of spectacles." "That's the game, is it?" "We'll see about that." "They're Froy's glasses and you know it." "She's been here and you know that too." "Don't stand there hopping about, kick him, see if he's got a false bottom." "Hang on, I'll get him up." "Ow!" "That doesn't help." "Quick, pull his ears back." "Give them a twist." "Now I've got him." "He's got a knife." "Get hold of it before he cuts a slice off me." "I can't reach it." "Aah!" "Well done, that's it." "That's it." "We know how that thing works, come out of there." "Is he out?" "We've got to hide him somewhere." " What's in here?" " Hurry up, quick, before he comes to." "It's empty." "We can lock it." "Come on." " Oh, no, you don't." " What's the matter?" "Garlic." "I'll be all right in a minute." " Here, let's tie him up." " Oh, yes." "So we definitely know that Miss Froy was on this train and our friend in here had something to do with it." "That ought to keep him quiet till we find her." "Hard work but worth it." "Let's have the evidence." " Evidence?" " The glasses." " You've got them." " No, I haven't got them." " Oh!" " He's got them." "He isn't there!" "Snookered!" "It's a false bottom." " The twister!" "He's a contortionist." " He's gone." "To find the others." "We can't fight the whole train, we need allies." " But who can we trust?" " That's the snag." "There's that Dr Hartz person." "Yes, you're right." "Let's show him the symptoms." "Oh, wait a minute." "This is the one." "He's not there." "Listen..." "I've just had a particularly idiotic idea." " I can believe that." " Supposing that patient is Miss Froy." "It didn't come on the train till after Miss Froy disappeared." "Oh, yes." "Idiotic." "Come on, let's find the doctor." " No, wait a minute." " What is it?" " Notice anything wrong about that nun?" " No." "I don't think she's a nun, they don't wear high heels." "Yes, you're right." "Did you see Madame Kummer get on the train?" " No." " Well... supposing they decoyed Miss Froy into the luggage van and hid her, the first stop, a patient comes aboard, all wrapped up, the patient is Madame Kummer, she becomes Miss Froy," "Miss Froy becomes that." "But why go to all this trouble to kidnap a harmless governess?" "Maybe it isn't a governess at all." "Perhaps it's some political thing." "Let's investigate." "Parlez vous français?" "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" "You'll just have to cope with English." "Can we look at your patient?" "Thank you." "Keep an eye on the nun." "What are you doing here?" "Why are you in here?" "This is a most serious accident case, you have no business to be here." "Dr Hartz, we want to look at your patient's face." "Are you out of your senses?" "There is no face there." "Nothing but lumps of raw flesh." "He has lost so much blood only a transfusion can save him." " You want me to murder my patient?" " You're sure this is your patient?" " We believe it's Miss Froy." " Miss Froy!" "You can't be serious?" "Whatever put such ideas into your head?" " I understand she's deaf and dumb." " But she may lip-read." "It's possible." "In that case, perhaps you'll join me in the dining car." "I'll be with you in a moment, I want to be sure my patient hasn't been disturbed." "How do I know how they cottoned on?" "Somebody must have tipped 'em off." "You never said the old girl was English." "What difference does that make?" "In a few moments I shall order three drinks in the dining car." "Mine will be chartreuse." "One of the stewards is working for us, now, listen..." "There's that girl again." "Seems to have recovered." "Lucky it blew over." "Now, tell me what this is all about." "Have you ever seen your patient?" "No." "I just had a message to operate at Morshkan." " How do you know it's not Miss Froy?" " We believe it's a substitution." " You really think..." "Oh, I want a green chartreuse." " Won't you join me?" " Thanks." "A large brandy." " And you?" " I don't want anything." " Come on." " No, really." "It'll pick you up." "All right, just a small one." "Two brandies and a chartreuse." "Do you know anything about the nun who's looking after your patient?" "No, only that she's from a convent close to where the accident occurred." "It's peculiar that she's wearing high-heeled shoes." "Oh, is she?" "That is rather curious, isn't it?" "It's a conspiracy." "All these people on the train say they haven't seen Miss Froy but they have..." "She's off again." "Hope she doesn't create another scene." "Put the lid on our getting back in time." "...and then this fella Doppo came and grabbed the glasses." "Yeah, we had a bit of a fight." " Oh, a fight?" " We knocked him out." "Oh!" " He's made a speedy recovery." " Yes." "All that's just bluff." " Here." " Grazie." "How could he be involved in a conspiracy?" "Look at the poor fellow, he's just a traveller." " He's also a music-hall artist on tour." " Well?" "The baroness's husband is Minister of Propaganda, he can cancel his tour." " Oh, I see." " And if the stewards don't behave, they have a cosy brick wall to run up against." "B-But tell me about the English travellers, they denied seeing her." "Just British diplomacy, never climb a fence if you can sit on it." "I can't understand why anyone would want to dispose of the old lady." "That's what stumps us but she was on this train and now she's... gone." "Well... if you're right then the whole train is against us." "What are we going to do?" "In view of what you just told me, I-I shall risk examining the patient." " Come on..." " One moment." "We mustn't act suspicious, behave as is if nothing had happened." "A drink, that'll steady your nerve." "To our health." "And may our enemies, if they exist, be unconscious of our purpose." "Let's go, we must hurry now." "Come on, drink up." "Wait in here." "Go on." " Anything wrong?" " Nothing." "Except they noticed you were wearing high heels." "However, it makes no difference." "We shall reach Morshkan in three minutes." "Quite an eventful journey." "Well?" "Yes, the patient is Miss Froy." "She will be taken off the train at Morshkan." "She will be removed to the hospital and operated on." "Unfortunately, the operation will not be successful." "Oh, I should perhaps have explained." "The operation will be performed... by me." "You see, I am in this conspiracy, as you term it." "You are a very alert young couple but it's quite useless to think of a way out of your dilemma." "The drinks you had just now contained a quantity of hydrocin." "It is a little-known drug which has the effect, in a small quantity, of paralysing the brain and rendering the victim unconscious for some time." "In a slightly larger quantity, of course, it induces madness." "However, you have my word the dose was a normal one." "In a few moments you will join your young friend." "Need I say how sorry I am having to take such a..." "How shall I say?" "Melodramatic course." "But your persistent meddling made it necessary." " Are you all right?" "You fainted." " Did I?" "There's a woman going to be murdered and we've got to go before this stuff takes effect." "I read that if you keep going, you can stay awake." "Right." "Let's get going." "It's locked." "We can't go that way, we'll be spotted." " You can't do that!" " Don't worry, it's only next door." "You stand on your head, anything, only, whatever you do, don't fall asleep." "Go on, you needn't be afraid, it is Miss Froy." "You haven't been drugged." "He told me to put something in your drink but I didn't." "Who the devil are you?" "Never mind." "If you want to save her, you've got to hurry." "Hartz will be back soon, what will you do?" "If we can hold him off till get past Morshkan, the frontier's a few miles on." "Come on, there's still time." " 500 solamente?" "Dopo tutto quello che ho fatto?" "Cosa poi di questo orecchio mozzicato da quella ragazza?" "That's Morshkan." "Have you finished?" "Come on, Miss Froy." "Cut it out, you're not drugged." "I'll explain later." "Abracadabra." "Miss Froy!" "Oh, I can't believe it!" " Thank you, my dear." "Thank you." " Careful." " Ready?" " Yes." "Are you all right?" "Yes." "It's like rush hour on the underground." "Careful, it's slowing down." "Drat." "I'm sorry you've had such an uncomfortable journey, Miss Froy." "Get back on the train." "I hope nothing goes wrong." "Aren't we stopping rather a long time?" "The ambulance is going." "We'll be off soon." "In a few minutes we'll be over the border." "No, I've been well-paid but this was murder and she was an English woman." " You are Bandrikan?" " My husband was." "I'm English." "You were going to butcher her." "Your little diversion made it necessary not only to remove the lady but two others as well." "You can't do that." "Also, it would be unwise of us to permit the existence of anyone who cannot be trusted." " You wouldn't dare." "I know too much." " Precisely." "I think we're over the border now." " You can come out, Miss Froy." " Oh, bless me." "What an unpleasant journey." "Never mind." "You shall have a corner seat for the rest of the way." "Now it's over, I think you should tell us what it's all about." " What was that?" " It was only the train." " It wasn't." "Be careful." "They've rumbled." "We're on a branch line." "Oh, dear, dear." "Who are you and why do they want you?" "I haven't the faintest idea." "I'm a governess." "They've made a mistake." "Why are you holding out on us?" "Tell us the truth." "You might at least trust us." "I really don't kn..." "I..." " I wonder if there's anyone on the train." " There's only the dining car in front." "What time is it?" "Teatime." "Well, all the English will be there." "Come on, we'd better stick together." "There's the old girl turned up." "Told you it was a lot of fuss about nothing." "Bolt must have jammed." "I've got something to say." "An attempt was made to abduct this lady and I believe the people who did it will try again." " What's he drivelling about?" " Look." "This train's been diverted." " What are you talking about?" " We're telling you the truth!" "I'm not interested." "You've annoyed us enough already." "You've got the wrong end of the stick." " Things like that just don't happen." " We're not in England now." " I don't see what difference that makes." " We're stopping." "See those cars?" "They're here to take Miss Froy away." "Nonsense." "Look, there go a couple of people." "The car's come to pick them up." " Then why uncouple the train?" " Uncouple?" " There's no train after the sleeping car." " Our bags are in first class." "Not any longer." "Like to come and look?" "If this is a practical joke, it's not very funny." "Good Lord!" "Get some brandy." "You don't suppose there's something in his story, do you?" " Seems a bit queer." " After all, people don't tie up nuns." "Thank you." "Someone's coming." "They can't harm us, we're British subjects." "I have come to offer the most sincere apologies." "A serious incident has occurred - an attempt was made to interfere with passengers on this train." " The authorities were notified so if you'll accompany me to Morshkan, I will inform the British Embassy." "The cars are at your disposal." "We're grateful." "Lucky some of you fellows understand English." " Well, I was at Oxford." " So was I. What year?" "This woman's trying to say something." "I don't understand the language." "That's fixed him." " What the blazes did you do that for?" " I was at Cambridge." " You heard what he said." " It's a trick to get us off the train." "His explanation was quite satisfactory." "A thing like this might cause a war." "I'm going outside." "It's up to us to apologise." "Wh..." "Do..." " You were right." "Do you mind?" " Certainly." "Look as if they mean business." " No, it'd mean an international situation." " It's happened." " They're coming." " Don't let them in!" "They'll murder us." "I order you to surrender at once." "Nothing doing." "Come any nearer, I'll fire." "I've warned you." "Better take cover, it'll start soon." "Nasty jam this." "Don't like the look of it." " Got plenty of ammunition?" " A whole pouch." " Duck down." " I'm not fighting." "It's madness." "It'll be safer to protest down here." "They're trying to work around." "You're behaving like fools." "What chance have we got?" "You heard what the nun said - we surrender and we're in for it." "Never get to the match now." " Give it to me." "Give it to me!" " No." " What's going on?" " He's got a gun and he won't use it." " What's the idea?" " I won't be a party to this." " I don't believe in fighting." " Pacifist, eh?" "Won't work." "Hand it over." "I'm not afraid to use it." "I'm probably more used to it." "I once won a box of cigars." "He's talking rot, he's a damn good shot." "You know, I'm half-inclined to believe... that there's some rational explanation to all this." "Rotten!" "Only knocked his hat off." "Would you mind if I talked to you for a minute?" " What, now?" " Yes, forgive me but it's very important." " Hang on to this, will you?" " All right." "I think it's safer along here." "You come, too." "I just wanted to tell you that I must be getting along now." " You can't!" "You'll be shot down." " I must take that risk." " Listen carefully." "In case I'm unlucky," "I want you to take back a message to Mr Callender at the Foreign Office." " You are a spy." " That's such a grim word." " What is the message?" " It's a tune." " A tune?" " It contains, in code, the vital clause of a secret pact between two countries." "I want you to memorise it." "The first part goes like this." " # Da-da-da da, da-da de... #" "Oh!" "Perhaps I'd better write it down." " It's OK, I was brought up on music." " Very well." "# Da-da-da da, da-da de... #" " The old girl's off her rocker." " No wonder." "Why don't you face it?" "They'll kill the lot of us." "For goodness' sake, shut up." " # Da-da dum-dum-de #" " That's right." "Now we have two chances." "You will remember it?" "I won't stop whistling it." " This is my best way out." " Yes, just about." "Even if you do get away, they'll stop you at the frontier." " We can't let her go like this." " It's a hell of a risk." "In this job, one must take risks." "I'm very grateful to you both for all you've done." "I pray no harm comes to you and that we shall meet again one day." "I hope so, too." "Good luck." "Good luck." " Will you help me out?" "Now, you take the weight on top." "Right you are." "Goodbye." " Was she hit?" " I'm not sure." "Well, that's the end of my 12." "Not much left here either." "We've only got one chance - get this train going." "Try and get back to the main line and cross the frontier." "Those driver fellows won't do what you tell them." " We'll bluff them." "Who's coming?" " Me." " Me, too." "We can't all go." "You carry on here." "If we have any luck, we'll stop at the points then you can switch them over." "You idiots." "You're just inviting death." "I've had enough." "Just because I've the sense to try and avoid being murdered," "I'm accused of being a pacifist." "All right." "I'd rather be called a rat than die like one." "Think for a moment." "If we give ourselves up, they're bound to give us a trial." "Stop it." "Nobody's listening to you." "Very well, you go your way..." "I'll go mine." " Where are you off to?" " To do the sensible thing." "Oh, let the fellow go." "I don't understand..." "Oh, please..." "Why aren't we going?" "They said we were going, why aren't we?" "If only he can get us away." "Only one left." "I'll keep that for a sitter." "They're coming towards us." "Pity we haven't a few more rounds." "It's funny, I told my husband when I left him that I wouldn't see him again." "Gilbert." "Gilbert!" " We're off!" " Gilbert came through!" "Go on, keep going." " Do you know how to control this thing?" " I watched him start it." "I know a bit about it." "Once drove a miniature engine." "Good." "I'll look out for the points." "The blighters are chasing us." "We can't have far to go." "Time for my little job - changing the points." "That will not be necessary." "I am sorry but the points will not be changed over." "Will you please be seated?" "There they are, just ahead of us." "Do you think you can stop it?" "Hope so." "Keep still until my friends arrive." " If you move, I will shoot." "There's one thing you don't know." "There's only one bullet left and if you shoot me, the others will have a chance." "You're in a difficult position." "Sit down, please." "All right." "Where's Charters?" " Go ahead, she's done it." "It's all right, it's just my leg." "Or as they say in English, "Jolly good luck to them."" "I'm glad all that's over, aren't you?" "Heaven knows what the government will say about this." " Nothing." "They'll hush it up." " What?" "Hey, take your hand off it, I've got to remember a tune." " Remember..." " Porter, sir?" " No, thanks." " Well, we're home, Gilbert." "Can't you stop humming that awful tune?" "I'm not taking any risks." " Charles be here to meet you?" " I expect so." "Hm." " You'll be busy before Thursday." " I could meet you for lunch or dinner." "Sorry, I didn't mean that..." "No, I've got to deliver this song, then I'm off to Yorkshire to finish my book." "I see." " Ready?" " Yes." "Ample time to catch the 6:50 to Manchester after all." "Yes." "# Dada dum-dum, da-da-dum #" " Any sign of Charles yet?" " No, I can't see him." "Well, this is where we say goodbye." "What's the matter?" " Charles?" " Yes!" "You heartless, selfish, swollen-headed beast!" " Are you going anywhere?" " Foreign Office." "Where are we going for our honeymoon?" "Somewhere quiet, somewhere with no trains." "Mr Callender will see you now." "Wait a minute!" " It's gone." " What?" " The tune." " Oh, no!" "Let me concentrate." "No, no, that's the Wedding March." "This is awful!" "I've done nothing but sing it and now I've forgotten it completely." " Miss Froy!" " Well, I'll be had."