" Hey, Ari." " Where are you?" "Are you being fucked with a jackhammer?" " $10 in the curse jar, Daddy." " Sorry, baby." " I'm test-driving a car." " Matchbox or Hot Wheels?" "Funny." "Vince feels bad about giving away my Maserati." "When my father gave away my car" "I had to lose my virginity on the back of a moped." " What do you want?" " The road to Bogotб starts here, E." "You want Medellнn, you got to get Warner Brothers to dry-dock Aquaman 2 for 90 days." "Just talk to Haggis's people." "That's what they need." " We'll tell Alan when we see him." " He's head of the studio." "We don't tell him shit." "We ask nicely." "Vince really wants to do Medellнn." "He already started learning Spanish." "He left 15 messages on the machine." "The wife thinks I'm fucking the gardener." "What the fuck?" "11 o'clock, E. Don't be late." "A little early, isn't it, Gold?" " That your car, Max?" " Yeah." "It's blocking my driveway." "Sorry." "My driver forgot to move it." "If I give you the keys, pull it around?" "Who's in charge of you?" "I'd like to speak to an adult." "My folks are in Gstaad." "You want to complain about me, try my agent or my housekeeper." "Inez's English is for shit, but she's home." "Make sure that I don't see you anywhere near my daughter." "You like it?" "I like it, but I don't need it." "But you'll take it?" "Yeah, I'll take it." "Good to see you embrace your inner mooch." "What about you, Johnny?" "You pick?" "Really, Vince?" "I don't know." "Come on, we took down Spidey!" "What kind of Aquaman would I be if I didn't take care of my Super Friends?" "Who loves you, bro?" "I'll take blue." "So, this beast is for me?" "Actually, Turtle, I have another surprise in store for you." "Really?" "Big Boy is gonna play one of Saigon's tracks." "I've been trying to get him airplay for a year." "He'll give your number to anyone who calls." "Get out of here!" "That's awesome, Vince." "Thank you." " Am I getting a car?" " Jesus." " I thought that was better." " Greedy bastard." " Nice, Turtle." " It is better." "I'm sorry." "I figure Saigon blows up, you might actually be able to buy your own things." "You're right." "I want to stand on my own." "Thank you, Vince." "I'm fucking with you." "Of course you get one." " Tool." " Idiot." "Tool idiot with an Aston Martin." " So we take these to the studio?" " Unless we're schmucks driving the same car." "We'd be schmucks in Jettas." "In Aston Martins we look good." " And independently wealthy." " Good point." "Last one on the lot pays tax and title." " Fuck that." " Oh, Turtle." " Put on Big Boy." " Now?" "Yeah, right now." "Yeah, baby." "Vince, it don't stop ringing." "Hello?" "Yeah, I represent him." "Can I call you back in an hour when I get to my office?" "This is getting nuts." "You think Ari would talk to me?" " Why would Ari talk to you?" " Cos I'm in play." "Hello?" "Yeah, he's my guy." " I'm not Persian enough to get one of those?" " Get us 90 days." "Then we'll talk." "Vince, last time you were here" "I told you I wanted you in the Warner's family, right?" "Well, now, I'm gonna show you how we treat family." "Dana." "I'm like the studio's Vanna White." " That's some allowance." " About $1 million more than your old one." "Thank you." "No, Vince, thank you." "Now we feel this is the start of a very, very successful relationship." "Yeah." "Listen." "Vince is so excited that we're doing Aquaman 2." " That's good to hear." " But before we get into..." "Before we jump into the tank, Vinnie's got a little passion project that he was really hoping to sink his teeth into." "Well, passion's important, right?" "What is it, Vince?" "It's Paul Haggis's Medellнn." "Pablo Escobar's story." "Medellнn." "Hell of a script." "Vince, that's a great role for you." " So, what do you need from me?" " We..." " We have a slight scheduling conflict." " Very slight." " You'd like me to push back our start date." " That's all we're asking." "For how long?" "I've got a water tank the size of the Staples Center on stage five." "Who's gonna pay my utility bill?" "Well, I have a $1 million cheque." "How big of a bill is it?" " 90 days, that's it." " It'll make people see a different side of me." "You realise how important this franchise is to the studio?" "I do." "And it's important to me too." "I could give you 65 days." "Will that help?" "Enormously." "What are we supposed to do with 65 days?" "What?" "Paul Haggis comes from TV." "He could shoot 40 pages in a day." "He can do this." " I hope so." " What's wrong, Johnny?" " This guy's been on the phone the whole time." " Vince, I need help." "I got to get back." "Anything else I can do?" " Set the Haggis meeting." " Done." "What else?" " Pray." " Done." "What else?" "I want you to talk to Turtle." "He needs some help with Saigon." " Is he moving there?" " He's my rapper." "He's blowing up." " OK." "You got five minutes." " No, I need a sit-down." " He needs a sit-down." " OK, you know what?" "I'm going to be at Equinox at the juice bar." "Triple berry dreamsicles on me, OK?" "I was thinking someplace like Spago, where people see me with you." " One o'clock, no sweatsuit." " Fair enough." "Are you 100% el certainto it was Max?" "Yes." "Miss Sarah, she was on phone with that Max talking about a boat trip." "Damn." "Did she catch you?" "No, but when I asked about her plans for today, she said nothing." "She never lied to me before, Mr Ari." "But she lie!" "She lie!" "It's Max." "He's trying to steal our little girl's soul." "All right." "Listen." "You keep an ear out." "You got a big gift for Navidad coming, OK?" "Was that Mr Gold?" "No, that was El Salvador." "OK, Johnny, you gonna tell me what's wrong?" "Nothing." "I guess I'm the only guy in this house that doesn't measure up to the Gold standard." "Wanna talk to Ari?" "Is that it?" "I've been waiting to talk to Ari for five years." "I'm an actor with no agent." "You know what they say." "An actor with no agent is..." " Is what?" " Is fucked." "All right, look." "I'll call Ari, but I can't make him represent you." "Putting me in a room with him for a real discussion is all I can ask." "He wants us to share a meeting?" "That's ridiculous." "Especially since I had the meeting first." "Ari's a busy guy." "That's fine." "I'll take what I can get." "Thank you, bro." "So you're just gonna hijack my meeting, Drama?" "Fuck off, Turtle." "If it wasn't for me, none of you would be out here." "Without Vince, we wouldn't have stayed." " Yeah, well..." " Well what?" " Shotgun." " Shotgun?" " On the meeting, I talk first." " Vince?" "The guy called shotgun." "All right, it's time." "Let's go bag us some Haggis." "Let's do it." " I got to roll to my meeting too." " Our meeting, and I go first." " Not if I beat you there." " I called shotgun!" " Math club, huh, baby?" " Yeah, should be fun." "Never heard of a math club going on a boat before." "It's just a bunch of really smart kids, that's all." "Not smart enough." "How do you know it's Max?" "A father knows when his daughter's lying, baby." "It's heartbreaking." "I'm not your baby." "I'm 14 years old and you're spying on me." "You can't keep us apart forever." "I love him!" "Lis..." "Too slow, jerk-off." " First." " That's bullshit." "I called shotgun." "You can't then go and negate that." "Your shotgun was called off location so it means shit." " We're on location now." " So?" "So, shotgun." "Ari says Haggis is intense." " I don't want to freak him out." " What do you want to do?" " Just keep him calm." " How?" "Whatever he says, just tell him we'll work it out." " What does that mean?" " Means we'll work it out." " We always do, right?" " Exactly." "Let's go get him." "He's performed live a hundred times." "Just cos you haven't heard of him doesn't mean shit." "You know what?" "Call me then, I've got to go." "Sorry about that." "You know how it is." "It's nonstop." "Turn your ringer off." "My time is precious." " It's ringing again, Ari." " I'm sorry." "Enough with the sorrys." "The clock is ticking." "OK, here we go." "I got a two-phase plan." "First, there's 500 CDs pressed and sitting in the trunk of my car." "You want us to sell them on the promenade?" "You crack me up, Ari." "The second phase of the plan is what I need you for." "I mean, AR guys have been calling me all day." "I need you to back me with the suits." " He's gonna get a deal, guaranteed." " I'm gonna get a piece?" "You get a piece of his acting career." " Does he act?" " All rappers act." "Vince said you were gonna come and listen to me..." ""Vince said he'd throw me a piece of pussy because he's famous."" "Whatever you want, Turtle." "OK?" "I will rep you." "All right, next." "Impress me, Drama." "Every small boy has a dream, Ari." "For some, that dream is to soar to the heavens as an astronaut." " For others, it's to step onto a Broadway..." " All right, I'll rep you." " Really?" "You'll put me on your client list?" " If we don't have to stay for coffee." "How the fuck am I supposed to turn a 90-day shoot into 65 days?" "We'll work it out." "Vince, in order to shoot this movie in Colombia," "I had to negotiate with the government, drug lords," "FARC rebels and the fucking death squads, and you want me to undo all that?" " We'll work it out." " Why's he keep saying that?" "Because he believes we can." "All right, look." "We want you to think about how we can do this, because we all really want to do it." "Well, it's real easy." "All you have to do is cut 30% of your key scenes." " I don't want to do that." " Come on, we all have to compromise." "OK, how about..." "How about this one here?" "This is where you go to your mom and tell her you love her..." "And she spits in my face." "I love that." "It's a good one." "It's gone." " What else?" " I don't want to tell you your business but can't you shoot the movie quicker?" "I mean, how long did it take you to shoot Crash?" "Vince, I loved what I saw of Aquaman." " Thank you." " This is not Aquaman." "In this movie, I want you to play what I like to call a human being." "Together, I want to humanise one of the greatest monsters of all time." "What I want is even after the audience sees you ruthlessly slaughter like 1,000 people," "I still want them to care." "I want them to care so much that when you die they fucking weep." "They won't want to." "They'll hate themselves for it, but they will fucking weep." "I have to do this movie." " Paul, he's got a contract." " A contract?" "If I let contracts rule my life, I'd be doing The Facts of Life rather than hanging with my boys." "Thanks, Esteban." " Hey, Ariel Gold." " Hey, Penny." "Only my mom calls me that and still I better have a fever of 103." " How are you?" " OK." " I was just up seeing one of your guys." " Yeah?" "Who?" "We're looking at Jimmy Whitaker for the Encyclopaedia Brown trilogy." "Jimmy Whitaker, pride and joy of my young burgeoning teen division." "Let's make a deal." "You do the whole Schlemiel Schlimazel Hasenpfeffer Incorporated" " he's all yours, all right?" " Don't be a schmuck, OK?" "It's a great project." "It'll be a heck of a franchise." "The first takes place in the Kremlin." "Really?" "Good luck faking Moscow in Vancouver." "No, no, no." "The hell with Vancouver." "We're doing it right. 24 weeks in Kazakhstan." "Kazakhstan?" "Jimmy Whitaker is a spoiled prick." "You wanna hire Max Ballard." "He's Dakota Fanning with a dick." " I heard Ballard was difficult." " He's a neighbour." "Humble as pie." "I have been trying to sign that kid for years." "Wow, Ari." "He's not even one of your guys." "I am a team player." "Boom!" "You owe me." "Come here." " Quit smoking." " All right." "What happened, E?" "Haggis trying to cast you as a pygmy drug mule?" " Vince wants off Aquaman." " What is this, dйjа vu again?" " What did Haggis say?" " He needs 90 days." "Noah can build an ark and save all of God's creatures in 40 days." "He can't shoot a movie in 65?" " Is there anything you can do?" " I can't control Haggis." "What if we call Cameron?" "I can't believe he's ready to do A2 so soon." "He's not signed on to do A2." " What?" " He just signed on to do the first one." " Why is Vince signed for three?" " That's how it works with actors." "Cameron was the reason I did it." "Who's directing?" " Michael Bay." " Jesus Christ!" " They're just rushing this thing out." " Listen." "This is what studios do." "The thing is a monster hit." "They're trying to take advantage of it." " There's no script." " They're doing it." " Andrew Kevin Walker?" " Kevin Smith." " Oh, boy." " Fuck you, Ari." "I want off this movie." " We'll ask for more dates." " There are no more dates." "You were there." "Alan was nice enough to give us 65." "He didn't have to do that." " I'm not doing this movie." " You signed a contract." "I know you are a man of your word." "Oh, yeah?" "And are you?" "Are you a man of your word, Ari?" " I never lied." " You told me if I did Aquaman," " I get Medellнn." " You did." "I can't help the timing." "I would if I could." "Remember, I don't get paid shit on this." "It all goes to my former employer." "Vinnie, I know that you would kill that role." "I know the timing sucks." "But be a man." " I'll call Haggis, tell him I'm off the movie." " I'm sorry, Vinnie." " Just running this shit all day?" " All day." "This keeps up, get your own channel on Sirius." "Yeah, I got to say." "Took you longer than you promised, man, but you came through." "You ain't seen nothing yet." "Hey, yo, Keshawn, let me get the box, man." " Yo, you got me a gift?" " Just a little something." "Don't go spending all your money just yet, man." " Try it on." " Yo, I can't accept this." "Don't worry." "They're CZs but I plan on replacing them soon as I can afford it." "That's tight." "Thank you." " Hey, Paul." " Hey." "I couldn't sleep." "I just keep trying to picture this movie without Vince and I can't do it." "Well, what can we do?" "Brainstorm." "I got nothing." "Nothing." "You ever consider cutting out all the flashbacks?" " No." " Now, this may be retarded, or maybe I'm just baked, but you said you wanted Vince to gain 50 pounds for the part." "70." "It's more authentic." "But you need him skinny for the early years." " Yeah." " So you shoot the first half now before Aquaman 2 while he's skinny." "Shoot the second half when Vince piles on the pasta." " Like De Niro in Raging Bull." " Clooney in Syriana." "Or Johnny Chase in The Commish when I played that bulimic paedophile." " Did you see that one, Paul?" " No." "But you know what?" " This could work." " You think?" " This could fucking work." " Definitely." "Fuckin' A!" " Good work, E." " Somebody's gotta make shit happen." "Save one pat on your back for me, huh, buddy?" "You've got to call Alan." "Tell him Vince wants to take him out to dinner." "Our boy is really becoming a man now?" "I'll talk to you later, Ari." "Call Alan at Warner." "Set up a dinner for four." " Today is going to be a big day." " For you maybe." "Some guy at Atlantic Records keeps calling." " What does he want?" " He keeps saying something about Saigon." "Saigon?" "That's interesting." " Get him on the phone now." " OK." "In the hole!" "Just like Tiger at Sawgrass." "More like my six-year-old niece at Nunley's." "Are you kidding?" "Atlantic Records called you?" " Sony and Interscope too." " Holy shit!" "Anyway, tell Vince and E eight o'clock at The Palms with Alan." "Eight o'clock at The Palm with Alan." "What else, Ari?" "Just make sure they're on time." "I gotta go." " Wait, Ari." " Yeah, Turtle." " Are you fucking with me?" " A little bit." " This is sick, right?" " It is sick." "I'm gonna set up some meetings." " Your boy's gonna get a deal." " Holy shit." "I think your life's about to change, Turtle." " What happened?" " Saigon is gonna get a deal!" "Ari just said my life was gonna change." " Awesome." " Congratulations." " Thank you, E." " Good work." "Vince, thank you so much." "That Big Boy thing put me over the top." "I'm happy for you, bro." "I'm happy for you." "Come to Daddy, sweetie." "She still mad at me?" " No, she's mad at Max now." " What did he do?" "Took a movie in Kazakhstan." "I'm so glad our daughter's tears make you so happy." "Baby, those tears mean our little girl's gonna stay our little girl for another day." "Now how about a quick blowjob before my Vince dinner?" "What?" "Order whatever you want, Drama." "It's on me." "I don't need you to pay for shit of mine." "With Ari on my side, my life's about to change also." "We had Medellнn first over at my studio." " Really?" " Sure, yeah." " Let it go." " Why?" "Couldn't budget under 130 days." "I was shocked when you said Haggis was doing it in 90." "Didn't think it was possible." "So you must have thought it impossible to do it in 65." "So essentially you sent us on a fool's errand?" " Well, a little bit." " We delivered." "Oh, yes, we did." "And we owe you." "Thank you." "Can't let you do it." " What do you mean?" " Well..." "You said if I was back on November 1st..." "I've got a billion-dollar franchise to protect." "Happy Meals, action figures." "I can't risk having my Aquaman doing three hours of blow in every multiplex in the country." "You looked me in the eyes and said that you'd do this for me." " You gave me your word." " I'm sorry." " Alan, a man is only as good as his word." " Vince, it's just business." "Not personal." "Oh." "Just business." "All right, then I want 20 million to do A2 or I quit." "Nothing personal." "Sorry, I'm late." "Date night with the wife." "She thinks I'm getting popcorn." "What did I miss?" "English"