" Bernard!" " Yes, Roger." "Can you hear them?" "It's three past two!" "Three past two?" " We'll finish tonight!" " Alright." " Good luck with your backers!" " I'll do my best." " Hands up!" " You dummy!" "You scared me!" "Once more, Mr. Noblet is not on time!" " Here he is." " But here he is, late!" " Were you napping?" " No, making love." "You'll be nice enough to visit my office at closing time." "Yes, Mr. Deputy Director but I've got clients right now." "And the client is impatient." "Here, take those three checks and give me one thousand francs in cash from my account." " Would you like small notes?" " One hundred francs ones." "Yes, sir." "Was she a brunette or a blonde?" "A green... with two white balls and one red." " Here's your money and your receipt." " Thank you." "Goodbye, sir." "Next!" "You just don't care, do you?" "Change this for me!" "One hundred pounds sterling!" "One hundred pounds." "That's twelve hundred and fifty francs plus small bits." "A counter which doesn't open on time doesn't make sense!" "Twelve hundred and fifty francs and sixty-five centimes." "Mr. Noblet, Swiss banks earned the trust of the whole world." "Of the whole world." "Our employees must deserve that trust and be proud of it." "When you think of the mountains of gold, shares and foreign currency coming from all the corners of the world to pile in our safes,to the point that we don't know what to do with them," "don't you feel some kind of pride in being one of their watchmen?" "To be honest, I feel that handling so much money" " while earning so little is unhealthy." " What do you mean unhealthy?" "Yes..." "Counting and counting again, for others, is rather depressing." "Depressing?" "You're very lucky to possess such obvious professional qualifications, or I would have dispensed with your services a long time ago, Mr. Noblet." "Mr. Deputy Director, although it's bumped back from the cushion, as they say when playing billiards, the compliment touches me deeply." "Billiards..." "I don't want to hear anything more about billiards!" "Today, late because of billiards!" "Yesterday, late because of billiards!" "The day bef..." "A hold-up?" " What is this?" " My broom hit the window!" "At the Crédit Savoyard, 5 Rue Benjamin Constant." "5 Rue Benjamin Constant." " Well?" " I'm sorry, Brigadier,it's a false alarm." "You've been told over and over to cut off the protection systems at cleaning time!" " But I..." " The fault is mine." "When I clean, I do use a lot of elbow grease." "My broom escaped my hands and bumped into the window." "Things like that can happen when doing your job." " The gentleman, here, is failing to do his." " What?" " Definitely." " Now look, Brigadier," "I'm Deputy Director of the bank, not a common warder." "I'm late." "Trouble at the bank." "Come, let's go!" " I can't." " Because of him?" "Impossible." "One hour detention." "He blew firecrackers in the playground." "Firecrackers, heh?" "What makes Switzerland so boring is the fact that too few firecrackers are blown." "You're going to indulge me and send away the ugly little monster, and we'll stay alone together." "What about that?" "Together?" " Alright, I'm going to lecture him." " Good." "I'll be enlightened too." "Do you know you were naughty, Alain?" "Do you regret it?" " Come on, say it." " Shut up, Bernard!" "I'm not wrong, am I?" "You do regret it?" "You know that I'd be forced to keep you here until 8 p. m." "OK, either you regret it or I kick your behind!" " I regret it." " Good!" "You may scram!" " You have strange ideas about pedagogy." " I sure have!" " No." " Here then." "Oh God, he's at it again!" "Yes, I really like that boy." "He dares." "I don't." " I do not dare." " What don't you dare?" "I do not dare to say "piss off" to clients." " To be happy, to be rich,be free,to exist." " You're mad!" " Yes I am." " Someone might come in." "Not right now." " He's overdoing it." " Oh, yes, he is." "He's overdoing it, but he's damn right." "This car, equipped with an elementary radar such as bats possess, doesn't need anybody at the wheel." "No more female drivers." "No more accidents." "No more jams." "The future, gentlemen!" "The future..." "They said it's just fit to amuse children." "Maybe." " A toy..." " Is that all?" "A very agitated old coot told me:" ""This is a revolution, young man! "" " Oh?" " But a revolution always comes too early!" " Can't you build a real prototype?" " What with?" "Yes." "Well, it all happens because we're stupid." " Stupid?" " Absolutely." "In order to definitely make it, we should... we should dare." "Dare what?" "Don't know." "Anything." "Just once." "In order to get out of the woods." " Well, good night." " Good night." "A toy!" " Please change this." " What is this?" " Bolivian cruzeiros." " Cruzeiros..." "I'm in a real hurry, sir." "Oh, sorry." "Cruzeiros..." "Cruzeiros..." "Cru..." "One moment please." "Well, you'll have the whole sum, in Swiss francs, delivered to the Palace Hotel." "Miss Ralton." " Wait for your receipt." " I trust you." "Of all the..." " Say, pal, do you know Bolivian cruzeiros?" " Who gave you this?" "I don't know." "A star." "A shooting star." " Excuse me." "Hello?" "Who?" " Her changed cruzeiros." "Mister Cruzeiro." "Cruzeiro?" "Oh, yes!" "Please tell him to come up." "Alright, miss, right away." " You may go up, sir." " Thank you." " Well?" " I hate choosing." " Why don't you take both?" " I can't possibly do that to Mother." "Yes, come in!" " Miss..." " Hello." "Mister..." "I know Mr. Noblet." "A merry prankster." "If you were me..." "Which one?" "Mr. Noblet, a man of taste, can't possibly hesitate." "This one is very pretty." "It may be pretty, but the other one is beautiful." "This one suits your eyes' colour better." " This one." " You'll regret this." "Oh, well..." "Shall I leave it to you?" "My Mother is coming here from London tomorrow." " Please bring it to us around 7 p. m." " I trust you." "You're wrong." "So many things can happen." "Miss..." "Sir..." " He's infuriated." " Yes he is." "I'm bringing the money you so carelessly entrusted to me." "Why carelessly?" "As you were just saying:" "so many things can happen." "Including pleasant surprises." " Won't you count it?" " I never knew how." "Here are $2000 that I'd like to change." "Where shall I bring the change?" "Not here, it's too sad a place." "Elsewhere." "Wherever you want." " You leave the choice to me?" " It's your day." "I'd like to understand who you are." "You smell of adventure." "You smell of mystery." "You seem to like the perfume." "You wouldn't be something of a spy?" "A smuggler?" "Admit it." "I'm Mother's daughter." "She taught me five languages," " and she lives in planes." " Are you working with her?" "Working is a funny word." "But yes, in a way." " And what is your mother doing?" " Are you with the police?" "Come on, do I look like a cop?" "I've been working in a bank for three years." "A Swiss bank." "Do you think I'm doing it for my pleasure?" "The fact is honesty is killing me." "Oh, how I would love to once, just once, be the man of a great dishonest caper." "Not a chance." "You're a dreamer." "And thieves, great ones, are just like bankers: realists." "Even at the risk of forcing my nature, I'd like to dare just once." " Really?" " Really." "Alright, let's do it." "Let's steal something, here and now." "But not an ashtray, or the captain's cap." " Are you serious?" " Absolutely." "Good." "Let's steal, then." "But what should we steal together?" "We have too much to choose from." "Let's see..." "The purse of that very careless lady..." "That gentleman's camera..." "The whole boat?" "It's not impossible but you'd need very careful planning." " Look: the lady's going down to the toilet." " What lady?" "Go down after her and enter the men's room." " Alright." "And then what?" " If you're alone in it, cough twice." " Alright." "And then what?" " Then it's my move." "Yes, but what if the lady doesn't go down to the toilet?" "We'll find something else." "Go." " Will you allow me, madam?" " Please do." "You can't touch anything without getting dirty." "True." "And to think that this is Switzerland!" " But the boat puts into port in Evian." " Yes, that's true." "I love Switzerland." "It's so relaxing." "People are so honest." " Would you pass me the towel?" " Certainly." "My fiancé always says Switzerland is a flat country with four thousand meters high snowdrifts." " My ring!" " What ring?" " Here!" "I put it here!" " Where?" "Here." "You must have seen it." "A 10 carat stone." "That's a lot." "Maybe it rolled on the floor." " Of course not." "It's been taken." "Stolen." " That's impossible." "Nobody came in." " I tell you it was here!" " Maybe it fell in the bowl." "No, it couldn't have fallen into the bowl" "It was too big for the hole." "You never know." "Look closely." "Such accidents occur every day." "It's impossible." "It can't have fallen in it." "Are you sure you were wearing it when you came in?" "Positive!" "I put it here while I washed my hands." "Couldn't you left it in your purse, on the deck?" "Come on, I'm not insane." "I know what I'm saying!" "You're not going to accuse me, are you?" "I'm forced to!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "You'll regret those words." "The captain." "I want to talk to the captain!" "What's going on?" "I put down my diamond here, in order to wash my hands." "And the lady is accusing me of stealing it." "I'm accusing you because only you could do it." "I demand to be searched." "Right now." "I wouldn't mind." "Come on, miss, she's in earnest, anybody can see that." "It's always the same: people lose something then cry thief." "Go on, sir." "I've got nothing to hide." "Come on, come on, come on..." "Give me your name and address." "If something really was stolen, I will call the police." "The police..." "We know what they're worth." "Our floating police unraveled many cases." "So you say." "I'll never find my ring again." "It was a souvenir." "I'd give anything to find it again." "My fiancée gave it to me for my birthday." " Is this what you lost, miss?" " Oh, my ring!" " I found it there." " Where?" " It rolled under the partition." " Boats roll." "A piece of luck." "Without you, sir, and without the boat's rolling," " I was going straight to jail." " I'm really sorry." "What a fuss for an insignificant little diamond!" "In the Swiss navy, Miss, we don't go very fast, we have only paddle boats, but we don't have any thieves." "I took pity on her when she began crying." " You're not sore at me, are you?" " I knew you weren't a thief." "The first time my mother put me to work, I was twelve." "That's very young." " Yes." "She had me steal from a beggar." " Oh, that's awful." "But I succeeded." "So my Mom squeezed me against her heart." " You mother strikes me as a very..." " Rather, yes." "And has she ever... how to put it?" "Has she ever killed..." "Very seldom." "That goes against her principles." "Well, to sum up, I don't know when or how, but I'm beginning to smell the big caper that I always dreamed of." "I'm willing, if I'm not to run into any danger." "Don't worry." "You role will be strictly technical." "Anyway we're agreed that, once rich, we become scrupulously honest again." "I'm willing too." "But I have two conditions:" "we won't kill anybody and you won't cheat on me." " We won't kill anybody, I swear." " So that's all you swear?" "The problem is my plot requires me to earn this woman's trust." "Ah!" "Her trust!" "About what's bothering you, I shall submit only in a case of force majeure." "I know what your force majeure is: phony!" "You can't become rich overnight without doing anything." "If that is the operation's sole danger, just one little time," " the risk is not lethal." " You're both bastards." "You tell the woman of your life of a brilliant caper, supposed to shoot you on top of a fortune, and here she is fuming about the first trifling detail." " What is it about?" " A jewelery store." "And you're going to break the walls yourselves?" "To force the safes?" "What about the alarm systems?" "What about the police?" " At least listen to my plan." " No, I heard enough." "Think of Roger who'll be able to have his car built." "I don't give a damn about Roger's car." " Think of our children." " We don't have any." " We're not even married." " We shall be." "Well, I won't assure our family's material future by being cheated on." "And willingly to boot?" "Certainly not!" "You know, I also think your jewelery store thing is a bit ludicrous." "All great projects seem ludicrous at first." "Just suppose that international class specialists should do all the work for us." "We won't take any risk." "That's what you say now." "But afterwards, behind bars..." "Gentlemen!" "I'm listening." "It's an office building." "On the first floor, there's a billiards club, closing at midnight." "We'll be able to work very safely then." "Good." "What do the specialists say?" "Professor Schmoll?" "Madam,the jewelery store is protected by a double alarm system." "The first, outer one is a classic model." "Westermann, 1958." "I'll neutralize it as usual thanks to my 12 volts compensation circuit." " What about the second one?" " The second alarm system is inside." "It prevents any contact with the safes and windows." "I'll have to learn what the interruption spot is in order to neutralize it." "That is Bettina's job." "She'll know tonight." "What are the ways into the store?" "If we operate from the corridor of the building, there's a steel grate with 32 mm bars." "From the neighbouring store, there's a brick wall..." "Standard 20 cm hollow bricks." " How long to execute?" " In order to obtain a 60 x 72 hole, either eight minutes noisily or twenty minutes in silence." "In silence." "What about the safe?" "We don't know the model, madam, and we'll need from twenty to thirty minutes" " in order to find the combination." " No approximations." " I want the exact time." " Twenty-five minutes." "How long to neutralize the alarm system?" "With the help of my assistant, Dr. Krauterbarr-Levy, twelve minutes for the outer circuit then just as long for the inner circuit." "When the gentlemen are finished working in their respective specialties," "I give you four minutes to swipe the jewels." "Yes, madam." "We'll begin operating at 12:10." "At 01:23 sharp, Max's car will stop in front of the door." "You'll climb into it without hurrying, with the merchandise" "Any questions, gentlemen?" "The operation should yield one million and three hundred thousand dollars." "Gentlemen, I adjourn the meeting." "Do you like it?" " It's cute." "A small trinket." " I warned you." "And the stones are not first class, don't you think so, sir?" "I had submitted a far more classy necklace." " But the price was not reasonable." " Beautiful things seldom are." " I'll buy you the other necklace." " Thanks, mom." " Where is it?" " I couldn't anticipate..." "I'll pay for it now and you'll bring it here tomorrow." "How much?" "53.000 francs." "Swiss francs, of course." "So are you happy?" "You'll get the big necklace." "I can't wait for tomorrow." "You would prefer to have it right now?" " You know how women are." " The store is closed, and it's very complicated to get inside at night." "I know." "The problem is I've got a big dinner tonight." " Very big?" " Huge." "Oh, look, Bettina, you can't waste the gentleman's time like this." "Another time then." "Here are fifty 1000 notes, plus one..." "two... three..." "Is that right?" "I don't want to deprive the young lady of a pleasure." " I'm going to the store." " No, no..." " Yes I am." "Yes I am." " Alright, if you insist..." "I'll go with you." "That way you won't have to come back." "What a spoiled child." "Hurry up." "Goodbye and thank you." "Thanks to you, madam." "Madam..." " The information?" " On its way." "We just have the time to drink a whisky professor." "before we know what interests you." "They went into the store through the small side door." "Did the sucker cut off the circuit easily?" "Yes, he fumbled with something behind the door, on the left." " Here." " That, madam, is the outer alarm system for doors and walls." "I already pinpointed it." "Was he wary when you were inside the store?" "More like fresh." "He held my hand to prevent me from brushing past the window" "We came in through the office, here." "This is the store." "The interruption spot for the inner circuit protecting the safe and windows is here, in the corner." " How high?" " 110 cm." "Just next to a large black sofa." "We sat on the sofa and he cut off the security system then opened the safe." "One black sofa..." "Oh, it's you." "Good evening." "Nice of you to call me." "I wanted to know if everything went according to your wishes." " It was elementary." " Elementary?" "Are you sure?" "You're scaring me." "I can't hear you very well." "I'm with my mother." "She's chatting with some friends." "I'd like to tell you something, Bettina." "No..." "No, I'll tell you tomorrow." "Good evening." "Good night." "Here are five boxes." " Inside the boxes... jacks!" " I know the trick." "As you can see, you just have to turn the crank here and the jack springs out of the box." " Yes, I can see." " I'll do it again." " I really saw it well, you know." " I'm not finished." "Look!" " The jack's head hits the window." " Fascinating." "The shock was as violent as when a cleaning woman's broom hits a glass pane." "Wasn't it?" "And lo!" " What do you mean, lo?" "The alarm goes off, you dummy!" "Oh, yes?" "You're planning to call the police while you're doing a caper?" " Yep" " With your jacks?" " Yes." " You're raving." "I'm not." "We start five alarms in five different banks at two minutes intervals." "The police rush to five different spots, and we're free to act." "Oh, that's when you'll get into the jewelery store?" "No, that's when professionals attack the jewelery store." "They very cautiously cut off the alarm system, dig a hole in the wall..." "We do not move." "We wait." "We wait for what?" "For the specialists to complete the job." "Then I start the alarm in the store." "The police already have their hands full with our false alarms." "But the bandits don't know that the police are busy elsewhere, so they scram." "And I swipe the jewelery" " Get it?" " Pretty clever." "But your jacks should spring out of their boxes at a set time?" "So here we are..." "here's the technical part." "You'll make it work." "That's your job." "Well, I can link the clock's hammer and the box's opening mechanism..." "But the precise time at which your specialists will complete their job..." " How will you learn it?" " That... is my job!" " Penny for your thoughts." " I wasn't thinking, I was dreaming." " Was the dream nice?" " I dreamed I was rich." " Rich?" "What would you do then?" " Nothing anymore." "I had a dream even harder to make come true." "What was it?" "I was in a small kitchen and peeling potatoes while waiting for my husband." "Peeling potatoes?" "You?" "I was waiting for the sound of a scooter coming to a halt before the house." "You know the small kitchen, the scooter and the bloke coming up with lily of the valley in his hand," " all of that gets old very fast." " Too bad." "Come to my place tonight." "Tonight, I can't." "I'm going to the Opera with Mother." "We'll see Madam Butterfly." " Well, if you'd rather..." " I've got to." " What is it?" "An alibi?" " I told you too much already." "So it's for tonight?" " Of course not." " I'm sure it is." "I fear for you." "My work is done." "Now the specialists take over." "I'll phone you after the show anyway." "Don't do that." "The line must stay available for Mother." "Alright." "I'll phone later then." "If you want to." "But not before 1:20 a. m." " Everything will be over?" " Yes." "For four minutes." "Oh!" "How precise!" "With Mother, a caper is working like a Swiss watch." "Hurray for Mother then." "Neat!" "Say, you could congratulate me." " It stinks." " What does?" " I really do..." " Stink." "Yes, you said that already." "What time for the first jack?" "A lovely girl who thinks I'm so pure." "Are we here for precision mechanics or for a confession?" "What time?" "1:12 a. m." "But if you were in my place..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1:12." "Look, we're not stealing from Bettina, we're stealing from thieves." "You won't get me to pity professor Schmoll while I can feel millions at my fingertips" " The second jack?" " One must go off every two minutes." "1:14?" "In a way you're right, but in another way I still do stink." "Well... 12, 14... 1:16." "And where shall we leave all these little buggers?" "I'm going to the Banque du Commerce, Société de Banque," " Caisse d'Epargne, and I'll leave you..." " Nothing at all." "It's far too dangerous." "What is?" "Hiding boxes on windows?" "Can you hear them?" "And it should go on like this all our life?" "Spending my life behind a counter, counting somebody else's money." "And you, at the billiards hall." "Do you think serving beer is fascinating?" " No, but I'm scared." " Yes.." "Alright,I'll do it on my own" " Madam!" "Is this package yours?" " Oh!" "My biscuits!" "You left it near the window." " Thank you, sir." " You're welcome, madam." "What's going on?" "Did you enter holy orders?" " What are you doing in my bed?" " What are you doing in such a costume?" "It's a long story." "I'll tell you later." "It's a regular masquerade." "No." "But what about you?" "How did you get in?" "With the key you gave me when you still loved me." "One week ago." "What's with you?" "Stop clowning around and come here." "I'm not clowning around, I'm working." "You must explain." "I've been calling you for one week and no one was ever home." "I even called the bank and you weren't there either." "What's going on?" "What's cooking?" "Don't be jealous." "You know very well that I'm jealous because I love you." "I'll be jealous my whole life long." "But I love you too, I swear it." "I never cheated on you." "You must trust me." "Alright then: explain yourself." "You know very well that I don't know how." "You know what, love?" "I've missed our dinners for two." "We haven't had any for one week." "Hey!" "I'm talking to you!" "Where are you going?" " Huh?" " Where are you going?" "I know you're going to be angry but I've got to split." " Split where?" " An urgent job." " At this time of night?" " Well, yes." "The big caper is for tonight." "Oh yeah?" "Well I'm sure your big caper is Bettina." " Bettina?" "You're imagining things." " Yes!" "Oh, but, please, don't..." "My shoes!" "Why were you going to sneak out then?" " I'm not sneaking out." " Oh no?" "I hate useless scenes, by the way!" "Oh, useless scenes, is it?" "You'll see." " Who is it?" " It's me." " You..." "You?" " What?" "Well, yes:" "Me." "What a figure!" "Al Capone..." "Oh, right, make fun of me, why don't you." "Pour me a scotch, will you." "A real one." "Not the one your clients drink at the risk of becoming blind." " And you should have one too." " It wouldn't go down." "Mission accomplished." "What time is it, doctor?" "Twenty-two past midnight, professor." "We're on schedule." "Gentlemen, the outer circuit has been cut." "You may break down the wall:" "the alarm won't go off." "What did you think of this Madam Butterfly?" "I'm not into opera." "But the supper, afterwards, woke me up." "It woke you up?" "Do you know what time it is?" " Midnight?" " Midnight?" "I think it's later than that." "Ten to one, madam." "Please, ladies." "If you'll kindly step in, professor." "Gentlemen,the jewelery store is ours." "Hello?" "Palace Hotel?" "Mrs. Ralton, please." " Thank you, I'll wait." " Yes." "Hello?" "Madam." "We're calling you from our friend's phone." "Everybody was on time." "The menu was great." "We're now reaching dessert and, for a good finish, we're taking the cake out of the fridge." "Very well, my friends." "Have fun and don't come home too late." "The car will be in front of the door at the specified time." "See you tomorrow." "It's in the pocket!" "Tomorrow morning, the glassware will be delivered to us,and no postal charge." " And we'll leave for..." " Bruxelles." "I'd like you to allow me a two weeks holiday." " To go where?" " To stay here." " In love?" " Of course." "A disaster." "I haven't forgotten about Stockholm." "Falling in love with the son of an Interpol chief!" "I didn't do it on purpose." "And it lasted just one month." " And how long is this going to last?" " As long as roses last." "Alright, you may have ten days." "Great love at you age is a necessity." "But afterwards, no extension:" "break it up." " Yes, Mom." " Who's the little Swiss?" " A dreamer." " A what?" " A fantasist." " Good for nothing, then?" " Aren't they the best?" " Oh, God!" "No police in the world ever scared me, and I never feared any gang leader." "But when your heart is acting up, I can feel disaster coming." " But this one is completely harmless." " Aren't they the worst?" "I wish you could see the poor chap." "And you're playing?" "No reason to worry: seasoned specialists are working for us." " Almost time." " Your piece of string?" " Ready." " Fine." "What about your billiards table?" "Prepared?" " Yeah." " Let's see." "Société de Banques Suisse, 35 Avenue Plainpalais." "35 Avenue Plainpalais." "Alright." "The first lady, now." "You!" "Go back to your seat." " Crédit Foncier, 12 Place des Eaux Vives." " 12 Place des Eaux Vives." " Will this racket stop anytime soon?" " Sit down will you!" "Please, you!" " Oh, no!" " Sit down!" "And to think that they told me:" "Go to Switzerland, it's so quiet, nothing ever happens there!" "Well, it's worst than Pigalle!" "Out of the way." "Sorry." "Banque Hypothécaire." "63 Boulevard Henri Dunan." "And all this because I've got a weakness in my lungs" " and I wanted to breathe good air!" " Will you shut up already?" "I'm going, I'll go and breath good air in the Bois de Boulogne!" "Silence!" "Caisse d'épargne, Rue..." "Where's the brigadier?" "No more brigadiers." "Well, Caisse d'Epargne, 22 Rue Cornavin, You'll have to manage!" "22 Rue Cornavin." " Chief!" "Chief!" "No more cars!" " I don't care!" "Take bikes!" " And you, sit down!" " Bikes..." "Alright, let's go." "Your case!" "Don't forget that what you're about to do stinks." "Yeah, well, I got over it." "The case!" "Think of your mother then." "That's the point." "Her widow's pension is ridiculous." "Are you kidding?" "The alarm went off ten minutes ago and here you come on bikes?" "Pedro calling Alpha." "Pedro calling Alpha!" " Chief!" "No more bikes!" " Well... go on foot then." "So, what about the alarm?" "Run!" "No, nothing yet." "We'll see about that." "Alpha, over." "Call Pedro, quick!" "Alpha calling Pedro." "Alpha calling Pedro.." " Do you have Pedro?" " Alpha calling Pedro." "Hey!" "Look at this, will you!" "Pedro calling Alpha, Beta, Gamma..." "Pedro calling Alpha, Beta, Gamma..." "Police headquarters." "This is the manager at the billiards club, 18 Rue Benjamin Constant." "The alarm went off half an hour ago in the jewelery store." " One can't sleep anymore." " Mind your own business." "We're on our way." "Well, you're not in any hurry, are you?" "It's in the pocket, buttercups." "Oh, no!" "They took everything." "Absolutely everything." " A genuine vacuum cleaning." " It's appalling." "It is for you." "I'm insured." "Your insurance company will be forced to pay." " Oh?" " A double alarm system." " Approved and controlled by your experts." " Of course." "And the alarm did work." "You've got to pay, mister de Saint-Leu." " What did the police say?" " Oh, there are traces left." "There are only those two gentlemen now, but specialists, fingerprints experts, are expected." "Just to stimulate the investigation, you might want to offer a reward" " to anybody who'd give you information." " I, a reward?" "Why, I don't have any interest in finding the jewels." "To sell more than one million in jewels at the same time?" " That's a once in a lifetime deal!" " To sell..." "To sell..." "Well, I didn't sell them, but since you're going to pay for them..." "Your good spirits really are unseemly." "And still not one piece of evidence." " Height: sixty." " Sixty." " Width: seventy-two." " Sixty... seventy-two..." "Great to be methodical." "Do you like Madam Butterfly?" " One of your clients?" " Maybe it is." "Hello?" "Yes?" " Mister Bernard Noblet, please." " Speaking." "This is your Deputy Director, mister Picard." "I recognized your so characteristic and deeply sounding voice." "Mr. Noblet, how do you intend to justify your unjustifiable absence of yesterday afternoon as well as this morning's." " Well, I don't." " Really?" "How to put it?" "Yesterday I felt dizzy and out of shape." "Today, it's rather the reverse:" "out of shape and... and dizzy." "You don't say!" "Didn't you notice how cyclothymic I am?" "You'll get your lay-off letter tonight, Mr. Noblet." " Is that true?" " Yes, sir!" "In that case, my good Picard..." "so long." "No: goodbye." "It's a huge success." "They're only talking about us." "No names, fortunately." "Oh, a pleasant detail:" "the insurance company declares that the jewels stolen from the good gentleman are worth one point six million dollars." "That's three hundred thousand more than you expected." "Cute!" " Congratulations on a great job!" " Madam..." "Miss..." "Don't just stand there." "Take a seat." "Did you see?" "The stuff is worth three hundred thousands more." " Coffee?" "Tea?" "Cocoa, maybe?" " No, thank you." " A shot of Veuve Clicquot then!" " Caviar?" "Raclette?" "Viande des Grisons?" "No, thank you." "Madam, the press fails to mention one detail." " Blood?" " No." " You've been spotted?" " No: we've been double-crossed." "Are you trying to tell me that you don't have the merchandise?" " I am, madam." " You mean I've been robbed?" " Yes." " Me?" " Yes." " Who?" "I don't know, madam." "Everything was going smoothly and just as we opened the safe, the alarm went off." " And then?" " We vacated the premises." "Leaving the safe open and without touching the jewels?" "It was such a surprise, and the Swiss police are so fast!" "Compliments!" "But the jewels disappeared, so somebody took them." "Who did?" " I fail to understand, madam." " One of us was guilty of an indiscretion." "Someone knew about our project." "And that someone is a professional." "A champion." "But he'll give me back what belongs to me or I'll have his hide!" " Oh, it's you!" " Yes." "And you're lucky that I'm not Mother." "Why?" "Does your mother know?" " That you did it?" " Yes." " So you admit it?" " No." "Well..." "Yes, I did it." " Does your mother know?" " Not yet." "otherwise you'd be cold, stiff, green, congealed, dead." "That much?" "The fact that you stole from Mother is rather comical, and I won't try to defend morals and property." "I'll leave good and evil to somebody else." "But you tricked me and that's despicable." "Yeah, it stinks." " You see:" "I took you for someone else." " Someone else?" "A poet, an eccentric, a pure soul... instead of which you're worse than me." " Listen to me." " There's nothing to listen to." "I stole from blind men when I was a kid, but you're stealing from a girl who trusted you." " I'll never trust anybody again." " Listen to me." "I've got nothing to listen to." "Leave me alone." "You hurt me too much." "Don't say that." "Why do you turn your head." "Look at me!" " You're crying." " Me?" "No." "Yes you are." "Look." "Can you see this tear?" "Well it's the last one I'll ever shed in my life." "Come on." "The jewels..." "I'll give you all of the jewels back." "The jewels do not matter." "What matters is that I don't believe you." "But I don't care about the jewels." "I'll give them to you, they're yours, but don't cry anymore." "I hid them at my friend Roger's, the billiards club." " Where?" " In the Russian billiards table." " What a kid you are." " Will you forgive me?" "How could I be sore at you?" " And, you know, I'm relieved about you." " Are you?" "First, a fence would have offered you a quarter of the value." "Yes, but I'm losing everything now." "Yes but, afterwards, the cops would have caught you." "And if they didn't, Mother would have liquidated you." "Maybe you should have shed another small tear." "I feel like I'm making a stupid mistake." "But I'll make it." "Don't do anything more." "Leave it to Mother." "If you want, while the specialists deal with the billiards, we could meet." "On the lakeside." "At the Auberge du Grand Capucin." "I'll phone Roger right now..." "then join you." "At the Grand Capucin, rent a large room, with a large bed." "Don't worry, angel." "I'll take the narrowest bed in the world." " Your case is bad." " Why?" "I was asleep." "When the alarm went off, I called you on the phone." "Living over a burglarized jewelery store is quite clumsy." "I can't be held responsible for the club being..." "With your permission..." "Hello?" " Is that you, Roger?" " Yes..." "Yes..." "Look... it's about the jewels." "Oh?" "Well..." "Registrations are closed, sir..." "It's about the grape harvest festival tournament..." "What is he babbling about?" "It's me, you dummy." " Hello?" " Hello!" "Insisting is useless." "It's too late for the tournament." "Goodbye, sir." "Clients!" "Tell me about it!" "We came to tell you that the superintendent will want to see you." " Alright, Brigadier." " Don't go far from here." " I won't, Brigadier." " Not for any reason." "Yes..." "I mean no." "Come in!" "The door is open." "Police." "Cantonal." "Mr. Bernard Noblet?" "That's me." "We just visited the Crédit Savoyard, where they told us that you're ill..." "Yes, but I'm getting a little better." "We'd like to ask you a few questions." "Please take a seat." "I'm listening." " What is it about?" " Your phone is ringing." " It always does." " Please." " Of course you'll have a scotch?" " No." "We're on duty." "Just a small one?" "Hello?" "Is that you, Lulu?" "Of course I recognize your voice." " Don't get excited, Lulu." " Lulu?" "Lulu?" "Stop bothering me with Lulu." "I'm stuck between the cops and Ralton's gang, it's no time for jokes." "This is no fault of mine, honey." "I don't feel well." "I'll explain." "She's jealous." "Do I love you?" "Of course I do." "Did I dream of you?" "I always do." " Women..." " We know how it is." "What was my dream." "Well, sweetheart, as usual, you know: the logs burning in the fireplace, and the panther hide and..." "everything..." "You can't answer on account of the police being at your place?" "Yes, little Lulu." "We'll spend the whole night together." "I kiss you." " So what is it about?" " We're done for." "You probably know a miss Bettina Ralton?" "A person who juggles wads of Bolivian cruzeiros" " They're real cruzeiros." " We know that." "But Interpol told about the actions, in Bolivia, of a young person" "who could be miss Ralton." "The young woman did a perfectly regular change operation at the bank." "If the Swiss police doesn't respect our clients' anonymity anymore... a fundamental principle of Helvetic prosperity..." "I do respect it." "Another couple of such investigations and all of our secret accounts will fly away to Panama." "Then we'll live only off ski resorts, clocks and Gruyère cheese." "But we do respect those principles, sir, we do." " And we owe you an apology." " I accept it." "Please close the door as you leave." "Gentlemen..." " Are you looking for this?" " You?" " I read the papers." " Oh?" "Anything serious happened?" "Oh, please, don't be stupid." "I was jealous, alright, I apologize." "But if there's still anything dangerous to do, you can rely on me." " There's nothing more to do." " So it's true, my love?" "You succeeded?" "We'll have a house, we'll have children,we're rich?" " You come too late." " How do you mean?" "I gave everything back to the Raltons." "The Ralton mother or the Ralton daughter?" " The Raltons in general." " You're lying." " I'm sure you gave everything to Bettina." " Let me explain." "Don't touch me." "You disgust me." "You shouldn't judge on appearances." "Nothing is trickier than appearances." "I wanted to do that caper for you." "For us." "For our children." "And instead..." "instead of helping me... you suspected me, you screamed, at the risk of provoking my failure." "So I ended up alone in the night." "In spite of that, I held fast, the caper was a success, I went back home..." "You'd gone." "I told myself:" "Juliette's gone, being rich alone doesn't make sense." "So I'm only a man, mind you." "Bettina arrived, she cried, she said her mother was going to blow her up..." "I swear I'm telling the truth." "Why, my little rabbit, are you crying?" " My little rabbit..." " There's no little rabbit anymore." "Oh, my love, stop sobbing like that." "Here it goes again..." "They don't have the jewels yet, I can tell you." " Say:" "I'll give them to you." " Do you swear?" "You'll have a hundred necklaces, rows of pearls around your arms, gold chains around your ankles, emeralds..." " But where are they?" " What?" " Where are they?" " Still at the billiards club." "What are you doing here then?" "Go now!" "Go and fetch them now!" " Life is absurd." " Quick!" "Don't cry anymore." "We don't care if there was a burglary." "We want to play billiards." "They've got no reason not to open." " Is the manager here?" " Yes, sir, but he won't let us in." "Wait, we'll have him open the door for you." "Open, in the name of the law!" " Open, or I'll have the door broken in." " Thank you, sir." "Oh, if I had known you were the police..." "The superintendent wants to interrogate you." " I'm at his disposal." " Leave the door open." "A moment." "What are you doing here?" "Michelet's Transports and Moving Company." "We have a paper that allows us to move a billiards table." " I forbid..." " Silence." "Don't make your position worse." " I've got an alibi." " Of course you do." "Do your job, gentlemen." "What about you, sir?" "Where were you at 1 a. m.?" " Home." " And what were you doing at home?" "I was sleeping." "How do I know you were indeed sleeping at home?" " You don't." " In that case, you may go in." "As for you and your alibi, let's go to the police headquarters." " Get in!" " Me, in the paddy wagon?" "Come on, hurry up." " I protest." " You'll protest inside." "Go!" "Hey, you!" "Where are you going?" " I'm going to the billiards club." " Alright." "Let go of that!" "Get that billiards table back upstairs at once!" "Mind your own business." "What?" "My own business?" "Get that back..." "Out of the way!" "We're taking this billiards table to the repair shop." "I'm a member of the club, and this table needs no repair whatsoever." "We have the delivery order." "A fake!" "I don't care: you won't take it away." "What's the matter?" "Do you need a hand?" "A bloke bothering us." "I'll deal with him." "Hand him to me." "Why, you!" "What's going on?" "The best would be to get the billiards table back upstairs." "Yes, I think the best would be to get the billiards table back upstairs" " What does this mean?" " I'll give you a hand." "There's something fishy about that billiards table." "Put it down!" "Lift the cover." "But Brigadier, this billiards table must go out for repairs." " You're going to ruin it." " Silence!" " Chief?" " Go on." "It's lifting easy." "Now, this is something else." "Hello?" "Oh, it's you!" "What are you doing downtown?" "Look, I'm just out of the club and unexpected events occurred there." " The jewels..." " I told you: don't bother with anything." "Leave it all to Mother's specialists." "And come quick." "I would like nothing better than that, but I've got to warn you..." "Come quick." "The room is fresh." "I'm lying down on the bed." "I'm waiting for you." "Come." " I would love it, but..." " We'll watch the lake together." "Alright..." "Well, after all..." "I'm coming..." "I'm coming as fast as I can." " How can I help you, sir?" " Miss Bettina Ralton?" "Room number eleven, sir." "First floor." " Thank you." " But, sir..." "Honey?" "Are you asleep?" "Come in." "You're not bothering us." " Oh..." " The lady asked you to come in." "I won't invite you to slip into bed but you may sit down." "The lady asked you to sit down." "Young man." "You took sixteen hundred thousand dollars from under my nose." " Are you a beginner in the field?" " Yes, madam." "My compliments." "Did you ever hear about Jim Martin, from Chicago?" "N... no." " Or John Smear, from London?" " Nor him" "Wherever they went, Scotland Yard went after them." " But now it's over." " Over?" "They tried to go freelance on me." "At this precise moment, they're in the River Thames, with cement around their feet." "They've been there for one year." "So, you see, they don't come up for air very often." " Geneva's Lake is deep." " I'm going to explain." "Your explanations are null and void!" "I could forgive the diamonds:" "it's competition." "But what bothers me is that you used my daughter as a springboard to get them." " Madam..." " Quiet." "You have 24 hours to give me back what's mine." "You being deft is all very fine, but I don't like you being ill-mannered." "BASTARD!" "Bettina" "This is sickening." "He's going to see the cops." " If he sings, we're done for." " We've got to tell Mother." " Mister superintendent..." " He's busy." " Wait here." " You!" " Did they arrest you?" " I'm fed up." "I'm giving myself up." "Are you crazy?" "I just spent five hours in the superintendent's office," "I don't want to spend another five years there." "The jewels vanished." "And what if I, knew where they are?" "Hey, this is no bar!" "If you want to tell each other your life story, go outside." " Shall we?" " Well..." "Come on, hurry up." "We're leaving for Istanbul in 15 minutes." "Why Istanbul?" "Just because the next plane to take off goes there." "We didn't have the time to pack." "Oh, shit!" "Don't go pissing me off while the little sod is telling it all to the fuzz." "What I mean, gentlemen, is that it's urgent that we make ourselves scarce" "Come on..." "That's three francs, madam." "Excuse me, I've got only Bolivian money." "Cruzeiros." " They're not currency here." " Will you allow me, miss?" "You're very kind, sir." "Doing you a favour is a pleasure for me." "Thank you." " Here." " Thank you." " Don't you recognize me?" " No, sir, and I'm in a hurry." " Amédée de Saint-Leu." "Associated Insurances." " Excuse me." "I'm taking a plane." " Don't you have any luggage, madam?" " Just a toilet bag." " Here you are, madam." " Thank you so much." "I saw you at Butterfly, yesterday evening." "Of course." "On the balcony, first row." "While the jewelery store was burglarized." "I fail to see the connection." " And you're leaving Switzerland in a hurry?" " With your permission." " Where are the jewels?" "I'll buy them." " What jewels?" "You know that insurances don't work with the police, nor for the police." "We don't care if the thieves are arrested or not." " My company wants the jewels." " Wrong address." " Fifty-fifty." "I have 800.000 dollars here." " Don't lose them." " I'll give them to you now..." " Suit yourself." " In exchange for the jewels." " I don't have them." "I guarantee your anonymity." "That is sacred." "I've already worked with insurances." "If I ever come back to Switzerland, we'll certainly meet again." " I would be delighted." " Sir..." " Madam." " What a bugger." "You never know." "Keep his name:" "de Saint-Leu." "Amédée." "Oh!" "Look where you're going, will you!" "Thank you." " Istanbul?" " Istanbul." "Destiny." "Give me your suitcase." " It contains my jewels." " Do I look like a thief?" "Not at all." "Which is a good reason to be wary." "Hey, Max!" "Mister Max!" "Bettina!" "It's not true." "I'm not a bastard." "Don't give me that." "I didn't tell the gentlemen anything." "They don't know anything." " That's nice." "But too late." " That's life." "At least you can tear my letter up." "I'll think of you." "Always." "Not always." "From time to time." "To get out of the jam, go and see Saint-leu." "Amédée de Saint-Leu." "Associated Insurances." "Yes, Associated Insurances offer a reward to whoever helps them find the jewels." "I'll leave the reward to the police's charity." "As for the jewels: fifty-fifty." "Eight hundred thousand dollars." "But you're an honest woman, aren't you?" "I was honest yesterday." "I'll be honest again tomorrow." "But not today." "You made me come here for some sort of blackmail business." "A business which is good for both parties is no blackmail." "You'll increase your premiums and, after six months, you'll make a profit too." "You'll continue this uplifting negotiation with the police." "Women always want the Moon." "Should you have asked for one hundred thousand dollars, he would have gone for it." " Instead of which, he'll go to the police." " Shut up!" "I'm giving the orders now." " You drive a hard bargain, miss." " Fifty fifty?" "Well.. since it appears that amateurs ask the same fee as professionals..." " Where are the jewels?" " A phone call and they're yours." "What's that?" "Nothing." "A small boy behaved really badly so I punished him." " And you locked him inside that!" " I did." "You really are very hard, miss." "Hello?" "Associated Insurances?" "I'm listening." "What?" "In a white sheet?" "You're being put on." "Alright, I'm checking." "Hold the line." "So, is it done?" "Won't you wait a moment?" "They're checking if the stuff is indeed there." "Of course they are." "I brought them down myself." "Good news." "We just earned the bonus for our retirement home." " Hello?" " Chief." " Shh." "Yes, you're right, they're here." " Chief." "Oh, one diamond more or one less..." "Take those three checks and give me one thousand francs from my account." "Small notes?" " Don't touch anything." " Look out!" "A hold-up?" "Translation:" "Goupil66 June 2010"