"No, no." "We're too famous for something this fucked up to happen!" "Out athlete and America's gay sweetheart marry during drunken Vegas weekend" "Nah, too long for a headline." "See, this is why I'm an actor, not a writer." "Jesus." "We're going to look bad." "And we're going to make the cause look bad." "And we're going to look bad." "Well, people already kinda expect this sort of nonsense from me..." "We can't be married." "They're..." "They're novelty rings." "Exchanged in a spirit of high camp such as we gays are known for." "Satirical, performance pop art!" "Yes!" "We celebrated marriage equality by getting fake-married, Vegas style." "Which is... hilarious because we've only dated six weeks!" "And for two of those I couldn't stand you." "What?" "And we know it's fake, because if we got real-married, we'd need a license!" "I don't see a license." "There might be a document in my pants." "Certificate of marriage." "It's notarized!" "We drunk-notarized!" "Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay..." " Use your words." " Annulment." "Marriages can be annulled if you're too drunk to know what you're doing." "My teammates do it all the time!" "So that's why you're called the Dodgers." " Wrong time, but it's comedy gold." "Trust." " I'm serious." "If we act fast and no one finds out, it's like it never happen!" " Gooooglert!" " It's a Google alert!" "It's about us!" "Is that how you spell "travesty"?" " Yeah." " You sure?" "I won a spelling bee once." "Really?" "So much to learn about each other!"