"LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Okay, let's do this, peeps." "After breakups and make-ups, Jane the Virgin finally got engaged to Michael." " Will you marry me?" "Marry me!" " Yes!" "Yes!" "And her baby daddy Rafael, well, he said he'd try to accept it, maybe because he had other things on his mind." "See, his ex-wife Petra just gave birth to twins." " Elsa and Anna." " Like in Frozen?" "No one except for you would think of that." "Oh, and he recently learned his mother was a crime lord." "I know, cray-cray, right?" "Even crazier, he was working with Michael to find his long-lost brother." "Derek Ruvelle, son of Rafael's mother Elena Di Nola." "Our buddy Derek disappeared the day after" "Mutter's identity was discovered." "I know, straight out of a telenovela, right?" "Well, imagine this..." "Jane's father, international telenovela star Rogelio de la Vega was kidnapped by his biggest fan." "And even worse, he's in a fight with his family." "I just think I need some space right now." "So they aren't even that worried!" "Such bad luck, right?" "And speaking of, Alba had been corresponding with her first lover, the notorious Pablo Alonso Segura." "And Xo invited him for a visit." "_" "_" "And I got to say I really hope that's not true, don't you?" "Breaking news...  our Jane Gloriana Villanueva always had strong opinions." "I'm embarrassed to be from Florida." "About politics." "Too revealing... change!" "Her mother's wardrobe." "Jane, no!" "_" "_" "And her grandmother's superstitions." " Stop, that's ridiculous." " Ay!" "_" "And I don't want to mistake correlation for causation," " _ - but here we are today." "Six weeks away from our Jane marrying the man of her dreams." "_" "I'm working on it." "I'm working on it." "I know what you're thinking." "That we've been here before, right?" "But this time was different." "This time there were no reservations." "Did you make the reservations for the chair rentals?" "No, I'm finalizing the head count." "Michael's brother's a no, so that's 25." "No, 26... both his parents are driving down." "Seriously?" "Aren't they, like, archenemies or something?" "Well, they're not in a comic book, but yes, basically." "They haven't been in the same room since Michael's high school graduation." " He's freaking out." " Well, you never know." "I mean, engagements bring people together." "Michael's parents, Alba and Pablo." "_" "_" "Ah, yes, Pablo Alonso Segura." "The man, the myth, the legend." "Abuela, you're gonna have to, because he's traveling from Venezuela." "_" "_" "You're being ridiculous." "Now, back to the list." "The only question mark is..." "Dad." "He still hasn't gotten back to you?" "No." "I'm calling him again." "(phone autodials)" "LOLA:" "Hello?" "Hey, Paola." "Just trying to get in touch with my dad." "I'm sorry, Jane." " _" " He just stepped into a meeting with a very important casting director." "He'll be tied up for a while." "(sighs) Have him call me back." "Tell him that it's important." "You know what?" "Tell him" "I'm marrying Michael." "You got it." "I'll give him that message." "(beep)" "If you don't call... she'll know something's wrong." "No!" "You can't call!" "Stop arguing with me!" "You'll say good-bye to them tonight  when we livestream our murder-suicide." "Okay, if he doesn't respond, then there's something definitely wrong." "Something is definitely wrong." "God, this is frustrating!" "Thank you for taking Mateo." "I should go..." "I don't want to be late for my new advisor." "Stop." "She's gonna love you." "I got to be frank..." "last thing I wanted is another advisee." "_" "_" "_" "I hear you." "A-And I'm sorry to be adding to your schedule." "Yeah, and apparently, you wanted a new advisor because of some complications with your old one?" "That's one way to put it." "Well, life is complicated." "B-But it's all material, right?" "That's the cliché." "So, what do you write?" "Well, uh, my genre is romance." "(quietly):" "Barf." "Did she just say..." "Ex-Excuse me, what was that?" "I said "barf."" "♪ ♪" "_" "So, you're not a fan of romance." "Good to know. (chuckles)" "But I do hope you keep an open mind." " My mind is always open." " Well, I was..." "Careful, Jane, you're running out of English Department faculty members." "Just as long as it passes the Bechdel test, okay?" " Got it." "Yes." " You've heard of it?" "No." "No, I haven't." "It's a three-part question." "_" "Does the work feature two female characters..." " _ - with names... _ who talk about something other than a man?" "_" "Like, for instance, you, Jane, talking to me, Professor Donaldson, about the work... that passes the test." "But you, Jane, talking to me, Marlene, about your former advisor, Jonathan Chavez... that doesn't pass the test." "Oh, yeah, well..." "I mean, m-my work certainly passes the test." "Translation:" "Jane will certainly check to make sure her work passes the test." "(laughs):" "Great!" "Because otherwise... barf." "Just a little spit-up." "You're okay, Anna." "(Elsa crying)" " Hey, Petra, can you... ?" " Sure." " (electronic ding)" " No, no, no, I meant can you just pick her up?" "Oh, no, it's fine." "I needed water." "Hi." "Elsa's crying again." "And, um, I needed water, room temperature." "Again, that's not what the button is for." "But anyway, I have some good news." "Dr. Grove says you're getting out today." "What?" "I-I thought I, um," "I needed to stay longer because of my platelet problem." "Things look better." "You're good to go." "The babies, too?" "Yes." "The babies, too." "Petra... don't worry, we can do this." "JANE:" "It's gonna be okay." "Michael, I promise." "(sighs):" "Oh, I don't know." "The last time my parents were together, it was a disaster." "There was fighting, finger-pointing, tears..." " mostly mine, but still..." " (laughs)" "Come on, they are not gonna do that in front of me." "That's because the only thing they can agree on is how much they love you." "Which is why you can't leave the room." " I won't leave." " No, I'm serious." "Not even to go to the bathroom." "Well, I might have to go to the bathroom." "Remember that astronaut that put the diaper on?" " Stop it. (laughs)" " Where's your commitment?" " No, I'm serious." " Oh." " (doorbell rings)" "Hi, Mom." " Hi, Dad." " Hey." "Hi!" "Oh, Jane." "Hi." "I didn't realize you'd be here." "Oh." "W-Well, I wanted to see you." "Come on in." "Mike, we were hoping for a... private moment alone." "We have some important family business we want to discuss." "Oh." "Well, it's just Jane." "I'm just gonna tell her whatever you say anyway." "MRS. CORDERO:" "Fine." "We think you're making a mistake." "Don't marry her." "Barf." "You... you don't want Michael to marry me?" "You were heartbroken, Mikey." "Don't you remember?" "When we found out the two of you were back together," "I called your father." "We got to talking." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "At least Jane's still bringing them together." "We wanted to reach out, but then the next thing we knew, we were getting an evite to an engagement party." " That's enough." "That's enough." " Michael... it's okay." "You guys should talk." "Um..." "I'll see you later." "(clears throat softly)" "I am so sorry." "You should not be leaving." "They should be leaving." "I'll kick them out." "No, no, no, don't do that." "Go back inside... you know, the longer you're out here, the worse it'll be, because then they'll think I'm upset." "You are upset." "No, no, I'm not." "Just go back inside and talk to them." "Oh, yeah, and remind your mom about the time we got mani-pedis, and a smoothie, and we split an Orange Zinger, and she said that I felt like the daughter that she never had, and make it seem like I told you that at the time" "because I was so touched, and not today, okay?" "Okay, go." "Go." "PETRA:" "Honestly, go." " We'll be fine." " I was planning on staying over." "I've got it covered." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Well, Helga has it covered." "And Wilma." "Well, I guess you could sit in here with Helga and Wilma all night." "_" "(laughs)" "See?" "They think it's silly, too." "_" "_" "Heard you've been looking for me." "_" "The cops send you?" "No." "_" "But they do want to talk to you." "I went to prep school with a topflight attorney." " I'll let him know." " Good." "Okay, look, man, this isn't about the cops, okay?" "Up until a few months ago," "I didn't even know I had a brother." "Did-did you know?" " About me?" " No." "Okay." "I mean, so, can... can we at least just talk?" "Maybe." "I'll be in touch." "I'm staying here, by the way." "Mind if I send you the bill... brother?" "(door closes)" "You'll meet him in public." "Don't go off with him alone." "Okay, I got it." "(beeps twice)" "Oh." "I..." "I should go." "It's, uh..." "Jane." "Yeah." "Never not awkward." "Maybe once Mateo's in college." "Let me know when you see him." "(smacks lips) Okay." "(beep)" "(sighs) Hi." "Jane, look, I'm so sorry." "I don't care what my parents say." "No, no, no, it's not that." "Well, I mean, it's definitely that, too, but..." "I'm worried about my dad." "I left him a message this morning, and I told him that we were engaged, and he hasn't called me back all day." "And we want to go check in on him, but he told us to give him his space." "Okay, I'll-I'll swing by the condo and see what's going on with him." "Thank you." "I love you." "He's gonna go check on him." "Good." "I feel better." "Hey, can you move those papers?" "Pablo will be here any minute." "Yeah, sure." "Sorry." "I was just making sure that my chapters passed the Bechdel test." "_" "_" "_" "Yeah, she sounds like a hard-ass." "Have you had any movement with Michael's parents?" "No, and I'm so frustrated, because I love him so much." " (buzzer sounds)" " But I don't know how to prove that to them." "(groans)" "Look who it is." " Finally." " Okay, good." "Bechdel test, take two." "Why aren't you dressed?" "Pablo's gonna be here any minute." " (buzzer sounds)" " Geez, this thing is tough." "_" "_" "_" "_" "Ma, stop being ridiculous." "_" "_" "_" "_" " (both chuckle) - _" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Fine." "What's the undeniable proof?" "_" "_" "Afterwards, we will consider sending him away." "_" "(sighs)" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "JANE:" "Abuela, there are, like, 100 different environmental factors that go into an early frost." "_" "_" " (doorbell rings) - (gasps)" "He's here!" "Come on, Abuela." "No, no, no, no, no." "Dame." "_" "_" "_" "_" "Please come in." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Okay, this could totally be explained by a fuse blowing or a power outage." "(gasps) Or is it...  the Curse of Pablo Alonso Segura?" "It's just our house." "The other houses on the street have power." "_" "_" "_" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Not entirely true." "_" "Good question." "Let me go check on her." "Stop." "It's not a curse." "You're being silly." "_" "Yes." "And you're being rude." "Now, that nice man travelled a long way to see you and, yes, maybe we shouldn't have invited him, but I read those chats, and you certainly wrote pretty vividly about wanting to see him." "So I'm gonna need you to come out of this room right now." "And I would change because he's fine." "_" "Just one more minute." "It'll be quick, painless, and when our death goes viral, we'll be famous." "And they'll make a movie about us," " maybe." " At this point, Rogelio's life actually did start to flash before him." "♪ ♪" "His first smile." "♪ ♪" "Wait, what?" "Oh, yeah." "This part is really happening." "And now's a good time to remind you that Jane's fiancé is a detective." " _" " And remember, he was sent by Jane to see if Rogelio was okay." "_" "Huh." "Since when does Rogelio not rush out to open his monthly Cosmetic Crate delivery?" "_" "_" "_" "_" "And here is where we left off." "Lola, could we do this outside?" "The dramatic skyline, the sound of the ocean behind us... it'll add more production value." "Please, please, don't-don't let me die against a flat background lit by unflattering light." "Okay." "We'll go outside..." " Drop the weapon." " Oh!" " Drop it." "Drop it." " No!" "(grunting)" "No." " Let me go!" " Calm down." "Rogelio!" " It's over." " No!" "Rogelio!" " (shouting indistinctly) - (exhales)" "(inhales deeply)" "♪ ♪" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" " Jane!" " (gasps)" "It's fine!" "Just the wind!" "Finish what you were saying." "(phone rings)" "Michael..." "Dad was kidnapped." "Is there a particular concealer you'd recommend" " for an injury of this kind?" " Uh, concealer, like..." "Makeup." "To cover up wounds." " Surely I'm not the first to ask this." " Dad!" "Oh, my God." "Are you okay?" "Oh." "Yes, I'm okay, I'm okay." "Oh. (exhales)" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "And then they remembered they were broken up." "And this guy." "My hero." "My best friend." "And now my daughter's fiancé." "I'm so happy for you two!" "WOMAN:" "Oh... my..." "God!" "_" " Soledad, what are you doing here?" " I heard what happened." "The news outlet has it now." "It's a huge story everywhere." " Really?" " Oh, yeah." "I'm getting calls from big people." " How about..." " Not yet." " Might we..." " I'm putting out feelers." "JANE:" "Who are they talking about?" "José Díaz-Balart from Telemundo." "It's your dad's dream to be interviewed by him." "Just don't tell the story to any other news outlets, all right?" " Because JDB would need an exclusive." " My lips" " are sealed." " But you can talk to family." "Are you okay?" "What happened?" "I'm fine." "I just want to put it behind me." "Oh, my God. 1.3 million more" " Twitter followers." " I know." " I know." "Oh, I can't even." " I can't even." " I really can't even." " I can't even even can't even." "I seriously can't even." "Is she in there?" "Thank you." "Good morning." "What are you doing here?" "The band canceled for the live music series." "Weren't you copied on the e-mails?" "I've called the agencies." "Now I have about..." " 15 artists to listen to." " I can take care of that." "You just had twins." "You heard what Dr. Grove said." "I'm been cleared to resume regular activities, hence... (chuckles)" "Not every mother has to stay home." "I actually feel happy here." "But, hey, if you want to go upstairs, by all means." "JANE:" "Well, excuse me." "Who is the most handsome boy in the whole world?" "Is it you, Mr. Sweetface?" "(chewing sounds)" "Huh?" "Yes?" "Maybe you should come with me to dinner with Michael's parents later." "Right?" "'Cause nobody can resist you." " (phone chimes)" " Oh." "Oh, what is this?" " _" " An e-mail from Professor Donaldson." "Should we open it, Mateo?" "Should we?" "_" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "That's it?" "Yes." "That was the whole e-mail." "And now I have to go meet with her." "Which, heads up, I'm dreading." "XIOMARA:" "Relax, Hon." "She's obviously just a really cold person." "Keep up the good, brave work." "Thanks." "Thanks so much." "Come on in." " So, I got your heads-up." " Yeah, I never like you kids to be blindsided." "Everyone's so, you know, "sensitive" these days." "But, yeah, not into it." "So how can I address your concerns?" "Because I do think, overall, the work passed the Bechdel test." "Well, yeah, big whoop." "That's pretty baseline, right?" "Let me ask you a question." "What kind of a book are you writing?" "Is it, you know, like, a book for bored housewives?" "Or is it... about something?" "It should be noted that Jane found this more than slightly offensive." "Both, I'm hoping." "Well, then you better get back to work." "'Cause it's, you know, not now." "Maybe put it in context." "Give it a "frame."" "_" "DIRECTOR:" "Move the frame to the left." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Good." "Now we go to soft focus and reveal it's a dream." "Cut!" " Rogelio." "Are you okay?" " Mm-hmm?" "You're not kissing with your usual passion." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR (coughs):" "Tongue." "Yes." "I'm fine." "I'm fine." "Jane." "Hi." "What a surprise." "Oh." "Hey, Dad." "I just came by to check in, see how you're doing." "Incredible." "I feel that I'm accessing this whole new set of emotions and their corresponding facial expressions." "I'm more... wounded now." "But sexy wounded." "Probably that's what JDB responded to." "José Díaz-Balart?" "Fine, you pried it out of me." "Yes, I will be sharing the harrowing tale of my kidnapping with him exclusively." "Oh, wow." "It means that I'll be late to your engagement party, though." "Is that okay?" "Don't even think about it." "But, Dad," "I haven't even heard what happened." "D-Do you want to tell me, maybe?" "I do." "Bu-But I also want it to be fresh, so I don't seem rehearsed, you know?" "Is that it?" "Because we haven't even talked." "I-I'm sorry that I was late to your premiere." "Oh, stop it." "No, I'm fine." "I just want to move forward." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Which Jane understood, after all." "Which brings us here, now." "So, I-I just wanted to say thank you for agreeing to come to dinner." "And honestly," "I understand where you're coming from," " how it looks..." " It looks like you fell in love with someone else and dumped our son." "Right." "And I know it seems like that, but just to explain myself a little," "I was accidentally artificially inseminated." "My whole life was upside down." "And so you left the one person who stood beside you." "You threw him out like a..." " Dirty tissue." " Exactly." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "On the bright side, these two are really getting along." "How do we know you won't do it again?" "Guys, go easy." "It's okay." "It's fine." "You can ask me anything you want." "And yes, I left Michael." "And I regret it." "And I would never do it again." "Were you dating them both at the same time?" "As soon as I realized I had feelings for Rafael, I told Michael." "Yeah, and then threw him aside, no second thoughts." "Well, I-I didn't want to lead him on." "How long did you wait before getting together with Rafael?" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Whoa." "This must be where Michael gets his interrogation skills." "Well, that isn't the point, I told him..." "How long, Jane?" "That same night." "That same night?" "And now you want my son to help raise this other guy's kid?" "Enough." "This is not some other guy's kid." "This is Mateo." "And I love him, and I love Jane." "Way too much to be putting up with this disrespect." "Come on, we're leaving." "_" "_" "Abuela, enough. (sighs) What am I supposed to do?" "Michael's parents don't like me." "_" "Ma, come on, it's Jane." " What?" " Nothing." "Just that... you have a compulsive need to be liked." "I do not." "Jane." "_" "I don't." "I just want my freaking in-laws to like me." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "And her freakin' advisor." "MARLENE:" "What's the context?" "What's the frame?" "_" "RAFAEL:" "So, was it any good?" "Ugh." "No idea." "Honestly, my brain is fried, but there's a frame." "They are" " beautiful, Raf." " Thank you." "Are you ready to have a playdate with your sisters?" "(whooshes)" "Oh. (chuckles)" "I'll leave you to it." "I got to go grade papers." "Oh, um, can I ask you a question, actually?" "It's about Petra." "I'm worried she's not really bonding with the babies." " What do you mean?" " Well, she's not holding them, really." "And she's working already, and I can't bring it up without her accusing me of treating her like a 1950s housewife." "Is that normal?" "I don't know." "I mean, everybody's experience is different, right?" "I mean, I became a shut-in." "M-My mom had to basically force me out of the house." "Yeah, well, the mom thing isn't really an option." "So, um... maybe you'll have to give her the push?" "It'll happen." "And when they bond..." "I mean, that mother-child thing is intense." "Isn't it?" "Isn't it, Mateo?" " (phone dings)" " Say "Bye, Mommy."" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Yup." "It sure is." "_" "Slight change of plans:" "I'm on my way to Fort Myers." "What?" "Michael's parents left." "They said that they weren't coming to the engagement party, so I'm going there." "Jane." "What?" "It's only 112 more miles." "This is crazy." "So they don't like you." "It's not about them liking me!" "_" "Okay, well, it kind of is, but it's about Michael, too." "I mean, he wants his family there." "_" "And plus, you know, I-I get why they're protective." "I get the parent-child bond." "So I just want to appeal to Mrs. Cordero as a mother." "_" "MRS. CORDERO:" "Jane, really," " this isn't a good time." " No, no, no, please, l-let me just say one thing." "Please." "I am so sorry." "And you know what, I know how you feel." "If anyone broke Mateo's heart, oh, my God." "Oh, my God." " Right now..." " I just-I just want one more chance to prove to you how much I love your son." "And I do." "That's why I'm here." "Because if you don't come, you'll hurt him." "And I know you don't want that." "No mother wants that." "I'll think about it." "And if you'll excuse me..." "I really should get back to my book club." "Your..." "Sorry about that." "I-If it makes any difference, I loved that book, too." "_" "_" "Okay." "(knocking)" "Hey." "Hi. (giggles)" "I heard you paid a little visit to my mom's book club." "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry." "I didn't know they were all gonna be sitting there." "No, don't apologize." "It worked." "My parents are coming to the party." "Apparently the, uh, book club ladies were really feeling you." "Yeah, well, I mean, those are my people." "Thank you for doing that." "Of course." "Family matters." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Ah, yes, Family Matters." "It wasn't just a terrific Friday night TV staple." "_" "It was also a mantra Rafael was leaning on in this moment." "So... tell me about yourself." "I'm not talkative." "Anything else?" "Nope." "How's the food?" "Mm." "Okay, man, come on," "I'm just trying to get to know you." "Then ask the question you really want to know." "Did you know our mother was a crime lord?" "No." "Did you?" "No." "But I'm not the one who disappeared after she was exposed." "And I didn't have tunnels under my hotel where people did illegal surgeries." "Where were you?" "You really want to know?" "I do." "Fine." "Let's go." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Wait." "No." "What did Michael say?" "Don't follow him anywhere." "And yet, there he goes." "Right this way." "So, you can prepare here." "Sorry there's not more room." "Are you kidding?" "It's like four cubano trucks in here." "_" "(gasps) Ooh, sexy, Ma." "_" "And you sure it's not for your date after?" "Hmm?" "You're gonna lose that sweater, right?" "And show Pablo that hot little bod?" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "It's safe to say this conversation fails the Bechdel test miserably." "(phone buzzes)" "_" "Hello?" "What?" "Oh, no." "Yeah, I'll be there." "Be there?" "Where are you going?" "The party's gonna start." "And I'll be back as soon as I can, but that was Dad's agent." "What-what are you doing here?" "I heard you were having a hard time." "What's going on?" "I just..." "I don't think I can do this interview." "And you don't have to if you don't want to." "No, but I do want to, that's the point." "It's one of my #LifeGoals." "I always wanted to open my heart and soul to José Díaz-Balart." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Who doesn't?" "But I don't know." "It's just, every time I think about saying it out loud..." "I get choked up." "And not like a single tear glistening down my cheek thing, but like..." "Oh, Dad, of course you're going to cry." "It's a really traumatic thing that happened." "I don't want people to see me as a victim." "I want to seem like a powerful, extraordinary actor." "You can be both." "But what if people make fun of me... memes, GIFs?" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Or is it JIFs?" "Well, not everybody's gonna like you." "Which is a lesson I've been learning." "Well, that's not too helpful to me, because I'm trying to build a social media dynasty." "Well, personally, I don't think anybody's gonna make fun of you if you're honest and vulnerable, and that's all you can do." "What if I can't get through it?" "You want to practice with me?" "No." "You have to go to your engagement party." "This is more important." "Now what happened?" "(sniffles)" "I thought I was going to die, Jane." "Oh, Dad." "Oh." "Yes." "Say good-bye." " Good night." " _" "She's still with her dad." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Let's move on, shall we?" "I could use a breather from all this tension." "So much for taking a breather." "Don't bother." "No service." " Come on." " LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "You really shouldn't go, Rafael." " You heard what Michael said." "Not alone!" " You coming?" "And with Michael's words ringing in his ears," "Rafael refused to get on the boat!" "Let's go." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Ugh." "Well, it was worth a try." "Tonight, we're here with international telenovela star" "Rogelio de la Vega, and the story you're about to hear, well, it's straight out of a telenovela, honestly." "I know." "It-it really is." "But then again, you know, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "I'll say." " DEREK:" "Be up in a second." " LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "You'll recall, we left Rafael on a boat alone with his brother." "No problem." "(creaking, thud)" "Did you think it was a gun?" "No." "_" "So... where were you?" "Right here on this boat." "In the middle of the ocean." "I heard about my mom... our mom." "They were seizing assets." "I freaked out." "I didn't know what to do." "They were taking everything." "Okay." "And?" "And I sat out here, man." "Thought about things." "My dad, for instance." "Ran half marathons twice a year, died of a heart attack out of the blue." "Did she kill him?" "Things like that." "Thought about taking the plunge myself, briefly." "'Cause I suddenly had no family." "But then I punked out and headed back to good old Miami." "But you do, though." "Have family." "So, you gonna pour that Scotch, or what?" "Yeah." "JANE:" "Hi." "Hi!" "Hi!" "Oh, I love you." "I'm so sorry." "Thank you for coming." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Thank you." " Michael, hi." " Hi." "I'm sorry I'm late." " Oh." " Me, too." "(laughs)" "I'll go inside." "I'll give you guys some privacy." "I'll just..." "How are your parents?" "My mom is not as mad as when she found out my dad slept with his dental hygienist." "But it's a point of reference?" "It's definitely a point of reference." "Oh." "Okay." " I'm going in." " Okay." "Michael, Patricia, hi." "I am so sorry I missed the party." " My dad had an emergency." " We heard." "The point is, you missed it." "After you made a real big deal about how important it was to Michael." "MICHAEL SR.:" "And once again, someone else comes in first." "I told you both not to say anything." "Michael, it's fine." "It's fine." "I know, but my dad really needed me tonight." "Okay." "Forget it." "I'm sorry you don't like me, but you know what?" "Your son understands why I wasn't here, so I'm cool." "And I really hope that you'll learn to live with me, because I'm not going anywhere." "If we do attend the wedding, it'll be for his sake, not yours." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "It should be noted that the people-pleasing side of Jane wanted to attempt one last ditch charm offensive, but instead, she said..." "Noted." "You know, I'm turning over a new leaf." "Who cares if people like me?" "Cheers to that!" " Yeah." " Mm-hmm." "That's what I'm talking about. 100% over it." "My new motto... take me or leave me." " (phone chimes)" " Mm." "(gasps) Oh, my God, oh, my God, my advisor." "She just e-mailed me, "Heads up."" "_" ""I liked your material."" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "She liked my material!" "Yeah." "Get it." "Work, work." " But you don't care?" " Mom, baby steps." " (phone chimes, Jane gasps)" " Oh." "What?" "_" "Oh, yeah, well, you know what?" "I'll take it." "Yeah." "Uh." "(phone buzzing)" "Oh, be right back." "It's Rafael." "He was meeting his brother." "Sorry." "Look, I think Derek's telling the truth." "I don't think he knew." "Wait." "What are you talking about?" "You can't know that already." "Well, I do." "What?" "!" "Stop." "You are being played." "And you are entitled to your own opinion, but this... this is my family." "So investigate all you want, man." "I'm done." "Thanks, man." "Well, I meant it." "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Hmm." "I don't know if I like this." "I got to run." "This, on the other hand, I'm all for." " Hi." " Hi." "Where are Wilma and Helga?" "I let them go, just for a night." "I thought it would be good to have a bonding night." "Just us." "As a family." "And you don't have to change a single diaper." "Come here." "Come here." "Here, hold Elsa." "You want to go to your mommy." "Come here." "That." "How can you even tell which is which?" "Had Helga put an "X" on her foot." "(baby cooing)" "I've been having a little trouble." "I'm not sure this is for me." "It is." "I just think part of the problem is that you've been avoiding them." "(baby crying)" "Uh-oh." "Someone's got to get a diaper changed." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Well, there's really no way to sugarcoat it." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Ah." "_" "_" "_" "_" "Ah." "_" "_" "_" "_" "Oh." "_" "_" " (violin plays)" " Ah." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "(tango music plays)" "Michael left?" "Yeah, he has an early morning." "Where's Abuela?" " Still out with Pablo." " Ooh!" "Nice." "(creaking)" "Hey, did you hear that?" "(tango music playing)" " (creaking)" " Wait." "I hear it now." "Is that what they mean when they say that a house is settling or whatever?" "♪ ♪" " Maybe it's the air conditioning?" " (rattling)" "♪ ♪" "Oh!" "LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:" "Oh, dear." "Maybe there is something to this curse business after all." "_"