"Are those your dead parents?" "They sure don't look like they were ground-breaking scientists." "Frankly, Hannah, you should spend so much time in the science lab." "This is why you have no friends." "Friends are overrated." "I have one true love, and that love is science." "But science doesn't love you Hannah, it doesn't even like you." "It killed your parents." "No offense Hannah, but you're twice as reckless as they were with half the talent." "Then I'll try harder, I'll try much harder... don't see it happening, Hannah." "We'll show them, orvil twelve." "Fly free, little one." "Shouldn't we be looking for this book thingy?" "Are you kidding, man?" "I can barely find my feet." "What do I gotta do to get you to go out with me?" "Not gonna happen, Todd." "Okay, since we're gonna be spending a lot of time together looking for the book, can't we just call that a date?" "Whatever gets you off, buddy." "Guess who's dating Jenny?" "Awesome!" "Listen, we have to find the book before it hurts anybody else." "It's important that we keep this our secret, okay?" "We don't want it getting into the wrong hands." "All right, I'm sure you're all excited about this year's science fair." "As you are well aware, you will be assigned partners." "Wanda winterbanks and Jasmine Madison." "My two best students." "I wasn't aware got extra credit for sexual favours." "And now ya are." "Good luck, skank." "You don't stand a chance against our baking soda volcano, witchface." "Jenny kolinski and Curtis Weaver." "What the fu..." "Hannah b." "Williams and Todd Smith." "Over here, Todd." "Han-nah?" "Todd!" "Over here, Todd." "I bet there's something in here that's better than a baking soda volcano." "'Course it all depends what you wanna study, too." "Oh, what about this?" "We can make a homunculus." "Mr. Farley likes teamwork." "It's a meeting of the minds." "Two working as one." "In union." "Together." "Todd Smith, please report to the guidance office." "We need to talk about your recent emotional problems." "In private." "As your guidance counselor, which is what I am," "It's my job to help you with your problems." "What kind of problems?" "Let me think, how 'bout, when you nearly destroyed the entire school during the battle of the bands, kind of problems?" "You know, Todd, I used to be a lot like you." "Lost, angry, sexually confused." "I'm not sexually confused." "Let me put forth a purely hypothetical situation." "Let's say, I was you." "Okay?" "And let's say I, I dunno... found a book of pure evil." "And, you think I have this 'book of pure evil'... hypothetically." "You know if I had this book I'd want to give it to someone I trusted, someone who's guiding me, counseling me... guidance counseling me." "I don't know, what you're talking about." "Where's the book?" "I don't have it anymore!" "We tried to destroy it, and it, it, it..." "it just got away!" "Wait, how do you know about the book?" "The hypothetica I book." "You know what this sounds like to me?" "I think you made up this book of pure evil, this fantasy book, because you have a delusional drug problem." "If I was you I wouldn't mention any of this to anybody." "Word gets around, I would have no choice but to institutionalize you with the rest of the crazies." "Big, horny crazies." "Now, shoo, Todd, Mr. Murphy has important business to do." "You're not the only troubled teen at crowley high." "Yeah, the boy doesn't have the book." "Todd!" "Do you wanna meet up after school to work on our science project?" "Yeah, sure, whatever." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Why the heck did you psychos turn me onto that book?" "Oh!" "So, you found it!" "Oh, I did more than find it!" "It possessed me and I nearly killed the whole school!" "Tends to happen when you use the book of pure evil." "You knew there'd be consequences, little dude." "No, I didn't!" "You should have." "Loser." "Look, dude, if you don't control that book, it's gonna control you, man." "But I don't even have it anymore." "Just wait, little dude, it'll come back." "Just like German herpes." "If you don't control German herpes, German herpes will control you." "I have had it with you psychos and your mystical bullspit." "The book is not my problem!" "He'll be back." "Very good." "Very, ve ry good." "What's your science project Hannah?" "I'm making a homunculus." "A homunculus." "You're making a homunculus?" "Hannah..." "As not only your teacher, but a respected member of the scientific community, i hope wherever your parents are right now, they can't see what an absolute fool you're making of yourself." "A homunculus!" "Homunculus." "What's a homunculus?" "I have no idea, but I'll tell you girls all about it over dinner." "(Mr. Farley) Homunculus!" ""Partem..." "Creatura..." "Ofmeus..." "Votum!"" "Now, that's what I call teamwork!" "Thanks, Mr. Farley." "Now." "Come on!" "Iwannaseeyou two makeout." "You're drunk." "You're not drunk enough." "You wanna see my volcano?" "It's ready to erupt!" "Oh, yeah... (Mr. Farley) Who's there?" "You're too drunk." "Comeon,Jasmine,let 'sgo." "He can never perform when he's drunk." "Can you believe he just said that?" "(Mr. Farley) What a piece of trash." "Homunculus, homunculus!" "No, homunculus, no!" "Ahhhhh!" "Ahhhhh!" "Nnnnnoooooo!" "It has begun a new." "What is going on, kids?" "Holy Jupiter trip!" "He's bleeding everywhere!" "Oh my gosh, he ruined our project!" "All the trees are broken." "Yes?" "Yes..." "Atticus, come here immediately." "Where are you?" "But... but I'm..." "Dude, I'm telling you, he's totally..." "What the... we'll continue this conversation later." "We weren't having a conversation." "Atticus, are you on your way yet?" "!" "Todd, check it out..." "I think he's dead." "Hi, Todd!" "Shoot!" "Apparently, Mr. Farley slipped in a pool of his own blood" "After he carved a pentagram on his forehead." "He fell right onto the baking soda volcano." "But they didn't cancel the science fair, and thank God 'cause our project turned out really great." "You might wanna step back." "'Cause it's gonna blow?" "Beat it, twerp." "The pentagram on Mr. Farley's forehead, it's the same as the cover of the book of pure evil." "So?" "Look, just because some teacher carved a pentagram into his own forehead and then slipped in his own blood, that doesn't mean it has anything to do with the book, or with me." "You must follow the path of carnage." "Where there's death, destruction and chaos, there you will find the book." "That's what I was doing when you called me." "I was at the scene of death, destruction and chaos when you told me to get over here, just so you can tell me to seek out the scene of death, destruction and chaos, which is where I was." "Control yourself, atticus!" "The book of pure evil feeds on uncontrollable emotions and fears." "Highshool is the perfect environment for the book to thrive." "Do you know of any emotionally unstable students at crowley high?" "We're talking teenagers, they're all emotionally unstable." "If they weren't I wouldn't have a job, and then you'd be ship out of dock." "Watch your tongue, atticus!" "Or, I'll cut it out and make you e at it." "Forgive me, your evilness." "Be gone." "Be gone." "Always with the 'be gones'..." "No!" "No!" "Ha, ha ha ha." "Ha ha." "Ooooh." "Aw, yeah." "Ooooh, Jenny." "Todd?" "Jenny!" "Phew!" "The science fair's about to start, you got our project?" "Screw the science fair..." "where's your idiot friend?" "I haven't seen Todd all day." "Well, let's go find him." "Hey, hey!" "Oh... hey, Jimmy, I was just kinda, you know, hiding." "What are you hiding from?" "Well, I'm kinda, like... avoiding a girl." "What do you wanna do that for?" "Well, I had this dream, right, and I was, like, quick and tiny, and I tried to kill her, and then I had another dream where like" "I killed the science teacher and then that dream came true, and then..." "I kinda feel like..." "Like it's my fault or something?" "And if it is your fault what are ya gonna do about it?" "Well, I'm scared that if I do anything I'm just gonna make things worse." "Look, doing something someti mes makes things worse, but doing nothing always makes things worse." "Okay, yeah, but what if I put Jenny in danger?" "Dude, chicks love danger all right, and dudes who aren't afraid to face it." "And remember, if she's not in danger, be sure to put her in danger." "Put her in danger, got it." "Oh, and don't forget the saving her part, all right?" "You do that, and it's candy in the pants baby." "Okay." "Thanks, Jimmy." "All right!" "I'm always here to help, buddy." "Todd!" "I finished our science fair project." "Yeah, that's totally great." "Have you seen Jenny?" "What have you got there?" "Our science fair project." "There you are!" "What the heck is that?" "Behold... the homunculus!" "Ahhhhhhhhh!" "That thing tried to kill me last night." "Holy crap that thing is ugly." "Uh, it looks just like you, Todd." "Ahhhhhhhhh!" "Come here." "Come here." "Get the tiny Todd!" "Don't even think about it." "Years of eating sprouts have given me an iron grip." "Ahhhhhhh!" "It's peeing in my mouth!" "I'll save you, Todd!" "Where's the book?" "Where's what?" "The book!" "The book of pure evil, you whiny little nerd!" "No, no no no no!" "You sent tiny Todd to kill Mr. Farley." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Liar!" "I think she's telling the truth and can we please stop calling it tiny Todd." "Shut up." "And then, you sent it to kill me, because you're jealous that Todd has a crush on me." "I'm not jealous, I've dedicated my life to science," "I don't have time for boys." "Then why does it look like Todd, Hannah?" "Does it?" "What if Hannah doesn't realize she has a crush on Todd?" "What if this homunculus is acting out what she really wants, but is too afraid to admit to herself?" "The homunculus is the personification of her subconscious desires." "Wow, that's why it looks like Todd." "Don't we all want a little Todd for ourselves?" "I have a plan." "It might be a little bit dangerous for one of us." "Now, I'm not gonna say who it's gonna be dangerous for, but no matter who it is..." "I promise I won't let anything happen to you." "This plan su cks." "And I don't see why I have to be tied to this chair!" "Just trust me and read what's on the cards, okay?" "Hi, Todd, do you want to work on our science project today after school?" "I can't!" "I've got a date with Jenny." "This isn't working!" "Just, uh, read the next card." "Todd, why do you wanna spend quality time with Jenny and not with me?" "Jenny has a refreshing personality and I admire all her great qualities." "Guys!" "My neck's itchy!" "Okay... new plan." "I can't hang out with you today, and spend quality time with you, because" "I'm gonna be spending quanti ty time with Jenny." "And we're gonna be making out, in the parking lot." "A lot." "Guys?" "After we make out we're going to get buck naked." "And our buck naked bodies are gonna wrap around each other like this." "And we're gonna, like , start, like, doing it." "And it's going to be all hot and sweaty and stinky." "Then, she's gonna be like, 'oh, yes, Todd, that's the best.'" "And I'm gonna be like, 'oh, Jenny, '" "'I'm so glad I'm doing you instead of doing Hannah'." "Guys!" "'Oh, yes, please don't stop, please don't stop doing that to me!" "I like your boobs, they feel squishy." "I'm gonna be like, 'oh yeah , that's right Jenny'." "'Squish them some more while I do this to you'." "'Oh' Jenny , that's the best!" "' 'don't stop!" "Hannah has glasses and she's weird'." "No." "No." "No!" "Noooooo!" "Goodbye, tiny Todd." "So, I guess my plan saved you from mortal danger, huh?" "Is that what you did?" "Yeah." "Aren't you gonna, you know?" "No, I don't kno w, what do you want?" "Candy in the pants?" "I don't know what that means." "And even if I did, I'd still be grossed out." "Do you guys realize that this creature's cellular structure has no cohesive pattern?" "If I could gather enough research, I could write a... this is a waste of time!" "We need to figure out where the homunculus hid the book!" "Why do you need to find that book so badly?" "Because of my dad." "He's a journalist who went missing last year and after he vanished I started going through his stuff." "And I found this old photo that he'd hidden." "It's the only clue I have to find him." "We'll help you find your dad Jenny." "Hannah, we could really use someone with your science smarts in our quest to vanquish evil." "Really, I can be in your gang?" "We have a gang?" "The book of pure evil gang." "'Til death do us part." "Yeah." "Yeah!" "What do we do now?" "We make up team handshakes." "Or, we decide on our gang colours." "Yeah!" "Or, maybe we could look for clues." "Yeah, we could do that..."