"Quick, quick." "Channel 6, fast." "What?" "My blind date's on TV, I want to see what he looks like." "MAN ON TV:" "I'm Charlton Heston." "Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun." "Maya, no!" "No, no." "Channel 6." "And so, Moose and Raccoon climbed into their candy-covered canoe and paddled down the river of chocolate into the sea." "Oh!" "Hey, kids, what do you say we take a stroll on over to Magic Town?" "Come on!" "He's pretty cute, huh?" "Oh, him." "I know this show." "Hannah watches it all the time." "Wait till she finds out you're dating Mr. Mayor." "Mr. Mayor?" "Hear ye!" "Hear ye!" "I declare that today's rule is that we count everything." "I'll start with the pencils on my desk." "When you see this guy, ask him why Mr. Mayor has glasses and a monocle." "It really bothers Hannah." "Now, let's all count our toes." "One, two, three, four." "Busy day in the executive ranks?" "We're checking out Maya's date." "Ooh, an oven mitt in a top hat?" "Don't let this one get away." "No, the puppeteer." "More like freak-a-teer." "Come on, just because he works with puppets doesn't mean he's weird." "You couldn't pay me enough to do that ridiculous job." "Here, Jack, I'm done shaving the lint off your floor mats." "Well, great news." "Ah, the bleachers for your bedroom came in." "At least in my bedroom it's not a one-man show." "So, what's the good news?" "Well, you know how people always say that to plan for the future you should make a sound financial investment?" "Well, I finally took the plunge." "Oh, did you go for that mutual fund I told you about?" "Better." "A trendy night club." "Shrewd plan." "But for safety's sake you might want to take some of that money and throw it out of an airplane." "Yeah, laugh all you want, but you know this club is gonna bring back the glory days of Studio 54." "God, those were good times." "And it wasn't just the booze and the drugs." "It was the elitism and the sex." "Does this obnoxious place have a name?" "Nope." "No name, no sign." "No one'll be able to find it." "So, intrigued?" "Nina, I'm not gonna wait in line like some desperate fool just for the outside chance of dancing with some model wannabe." "So..." "So how do you get to this place?" "(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC ON TV)" "(KNOCKS ON DOOR) Good night, Jack." "Hmm." "Hey, is that Brian's Song?" "I was flipping around for the scores and I just got sucked in." "Oh, wow, I haven't seen this in years." "This is without question the greatest guy movie of all time." "Ooh, Footloose!" "It's Brian's Song, Dennis." "This movie gets me every time." "Brian Piccolo fighting for his life, man." "You know in Footloose, Kevin Bacon has to fight an entire town for his right to dance." "Dancing?" "This is about football, Dennis." "This is about friendship." "Sticking with someone to the very end." "Oh, Brian's Song." "Yeah, I've seen this about a million times." "It's pretty good." "Mind if I, uh..." "Sit, sit." "Man, you gotta love Gayle Sayers." "Yeah, she's hot." "Steven." "Hi." "Uh, Maya?" "Sorry I'm late, I got this last-minute phone call and anyway..." "Sorry I'm late." "Oh, please, it's not a problem." "I haven't really been here that long." "So, blind date, all these guys in here, how'd you know it was me?" "Oh, I've already dated all these other guys." "STEVEN:" "Ah!" "Uh, no, actually, I cheated." "I watched your show today." "Oh, I see." "And that didn't scare you off?" "No, I thought it was terrific." "Oh, thanks." "Well, I mean, just between you and me," "I kinda felt like Mr. Mayor phoned it in, but, uh..." "So, um, how did you get started with puppets?" "I was obsessed with Sesame Street in college." "Really?" "Well, I know, I know." "But you'd be surprised at how much sense Cookie Monster makes when you're stoned." "Whereas Oscar the Grouch just makes you feel really paranoid." "That's right." "But, Big Bird, he looks delicious." "(LAUGHING)" "I don't know, I guess I liked the idea of doing a show that was a throwback to the old days." "You know, no fancy sets, no special effects, just, uh, me and a bunch of goofy puppets." "Seems like a really fun job." "I love kids." "Oh, me, too." "So, what about you?" "I mean, how did you wind up at Blush?" "Oh, really inspiring story, um..." "Worked hard, went to college, paid my dues, got job from daddy." "Ah!" "I'm really proud." "Yeah, sure, sure." "You know, your dad spoke at my college once." "Really?" "Yeah." "How was he?" "He was, uh, thoughtful, uh, poignant, inspiring..." "You were stoned then, too, weren't you?" "I was stoned, yes." "Really stoned." "(SOLEMN INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)" "(MUSIC STOPS)" "Damn allergies." "They're really bad this year, aren't they?" "(SOBBING) Stupid pollen." "Oh, come off it." "Who are we kidding?" "We've all been moved to tears." "Why do we have to hide it?" "It's society." "It's not like we don't have feelings, we're just not allowed to show them." "I'm telling you, it's society." "You ask me, we're the weaker sex." "I mean, who hasn't wanted to cry after having his heart broken?" "Yeah, yeah." "So true." "And haven't you ever pretended to be tough when inside you were scared and afraid?" "That's right." "All the time." "You know, sometimes I wish I were a woman." "Take it easy." "Okay." "Hey, Nina, sorry I didn't make it to the club last night." "How did it go?" "Oh, very hip, very happening." "And by the way, we're now called Club Fun, and here's a map." "Nobody showed, huh?" "Well, I'll admit that we were a couple of notches below the grandeur of Studio 54, but it still got wild." "One woman even took her top off." "You?" "Well, somebody had to get things moving." "Hi." "Hey." "Here, miss, let me help you with that." "Come on, we were sharing our personal thoughts." "Hey, come on, Dennis, let's lay off." "Thank you, Jack." "You're welcome, Susan." "I trusted you." "I trusted both of you." "You complain about men not getting to be sensitive, but the minute one expresses his true feelings you're all over him like a bunch of idiots in a locker room." "You know what, you're right." "We've been acting childish, and I apologize." "Here, go buy yourself something pretty." "STEVEN ON TV:" "...and every girl, and every young fellow." "I'll heat up the stove and I'll cook them in Jell-o." "(YELLING)" "He's so funny with his voices." "I take it the date went well." "Very well." "So, what did he say about the monocle?" "Oh, I forgot to ask." "Maya, Hannah really wants to know." "Fine, I'll ask him tonight." "Glasses and a monocle." "What, is that supposed to be funny?" "It's not even clever, it's nothing." "Nothing but a big "screw you" to America." "...and with that, Snuffle Snore let out one final roar." ""They got me this time, but I'll be back for more!"" "(YELLING)" "Now who's ready to go to Magic Town?" "La, la, la, la." "Don't tell me what happens, I'm taping it." "(SHUSHING)" "(WHISTLING) What's that, Whistle Wolf?" "My new, favorite, special friend is here?" "Send her in!" "Whistling Wolf?" "This doesn't even make sense." "Easy." "The wolf, I like." "Everybody, I want you to meet a new friend of mine, Miss Panda." "I had dinner with her last night." "And as Mayor of Magic Town, I declare that she's the prettiest thing you've ever seen." "Here she is!" "Ooh." "Hi, Mr. Mayor." "I think that's me." "I think I'm Miss Panda." "Yeah, I know, and Matt Lauer has a crush on you." "I didn't say he had a crush on me." "I said he was staring at me in the Guggenheim." "Maya, watch the potty mouth." "Mr. Mayor, about last night at dinner." "I'm sorry I was late." "Oh, that's okay, Miss Panda." "I got you a present anyway." "Hold on!" "(GRUNTS)" "Ooh!" "A new gold watch." "That's right." "And now, maybe you'll never be late again." "Because when you're late, you make someone wait, and that's no way to start a date." "There's nothing more that I hate, hate, hate." "Okay, that's weird." "Because I was late for my date last night with Steven." "Do you think this is his way of telling me that it really bothered him?" "Maya, you read too much into things." "They're just puppets." "Except for the one with the monocle, he just burns my ass." "Steven, I'm sorry again about being late last night." "I'm normally on time." "I apologize." "Oh, please, I didn't even notice." "You didn't?" "No." "All I noticed was you." "You sure?" "I'm sure." "I'm glad." "Good." "Pizza's getting cold." "Oh." "Hmm." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Unless you want it." "No, no, go on, take it." "I practically ate the whole thing." "Are you sure?" "I'm stuffed." "I'm watching my girlish figure." "Go." "Okay." "Mmm." "Yeah!" "Pizza!" "My favorite!" "I'm so hungry!" "Oh!" "Miss Panda." "What a nice..." "Pizza!" "What?" "Give me!" "Give me!" "(SCREAMING)" "Give me!" "Give me!" "(SCREAMING)" "(GASPING)" "I can't wait to see the show after you guys have sex." "Hey!" "Maya, you ready to go?" "Steven, hi." "Oh, Maya, who's your celebrity friend?" "Steven, this is Nina Van Horn." "Hi." "Hi." "Do you think that you could possibly mention my new night club on your show tomorrow?" "Uh, well, actually most of my viewers are aged two to seven, so..." "Oh, oh, that's okay, we have a very loose policy on carding." "Ah!" "By the way, I like your outfit." "Oh, it's real giraffe." "My friend Binnie accidentally ran it over at a party at Michael Jackson's house." "(LAUGHING AWKWARDLY)" "Hey." "I'm Elliott DiMauro." "Oh, hi!" "Oh, nice to meet you." "I've heard all about you." "Oh, all good I hope." "Yeah, well, except for that part about you wanting to be a woman." "(LAUGHS)" "Steven, I have to ask you something." "Am I doing things that annoy you?" "What do you mean?" "First I'm late for the date and you scold Miss Panda." "And then Miss Panda eats all the pizza." "And I just can't help thinking that you're trying to tell me something." "What, with the puppets?" "You're kidding?" "I mean, I am Miss Panda, aren't I?" "Well, no, no." "But, I could create a character for you, if you like." "Maybe a lady-bug or a dove." "No, that's not the point." "Look, Maya." "I like you." "And if I had anything to say to you I would just come right out and say it." "Really?" "I promise." "Okay?" "Oh, my dad." "Dad!" "I want you to meet Steven." "Oh." "Hi, Steven." "Nice to meet you, Mr. Gallo." "Steven, something on your show is bothering my daughter, Hannah." "Why does Mr. Mayor have glasses and a monocle?" "Ah!" "Well, he's got a very difficult prescription." "(LAUGHS)" "No, seriously." "Well, uh, actually the truth is that" "I was trying to decide between the glasses or the monocle, and I accidentally kept them both on and it made my nephew laugh." "What is he, a little off?" "Dad, we have to go." "Nice to meet you." "Nice meeting you, too, Steven." "Hiding behind a child." "It was great working with you, you were fantastic." "Oh, thanks." "So, if you're not doing anything tonight, maybe we can grab some dinner." "Ooh, uh, I don't know." "A couple of my friends warned me about you." "What?" "What did they say?" "They said you were a womanizer." "Hmm." "Yeah, they're half right." "Not now, Finch." "What?" "Nothing." "Elliott said he wanted to be a Girl Scout." "I said I wanted to be a woman." "(GASPS) He said it again!" "Well, I think it's sweet." "You do?" "Yeah." "I like it when guys stop trying to act all macho." "Thank you." "You know, I am kind of hungry." "Let's go." "Why can't all men be as honest as you?" "It's society." "Hey!" "Hey." "You know, sometimes I wish I were a woman." "I thought you were a woman." "Sorry I'm late, Jack." "I came right from the club." "Nina, don't you think you're spending a little too much time there?" "Oh, well, don't worry, it's all over." "My friend Binnie's flare gun went off into the velvet curtains, the whole place burned to the ground." "I hope no one was hurt." "No." "Fortunately, the Village People were performing and the Indian led us to safety." "Told you that club was a bad investment." "You know what's a bad investment?" "Letting your money sit in a bank while your dreams go unfulfilled." "Well, maybe things didn't turn out the way I wanted." "But at least I got on that merry-go-round and grabbed for that brass ring and for one brief, shiny, fiery moment I was dazzling." "No insurance?" "Not a dime!" "Again with the TV?" "Look, he's sort of my new boyfriend, I have to support him." "(WHISTLING)" "What's that, Whistle Wolf?" "Someone is here to see me?" "Send her in!" "The wolf should get more camera time." "He's like a young Pacino." "I want to introduce you to a new friend of mine." "She works in the same office as Miss Panda, and her name is Gina Giraffe." "(HUMMING)" "Yeah, isn't she pretty?" "(WHISTLES)" "Hi." "I'm Gina Giraffe." "I like you, Mr. Mayor." "Would you like to come over to my house and play?" "Now is that giraffe a bit slutty, or is it just me?" "Miss Panda?" "Hey, why doesn't Gina Giraffe come over to my house tonight for a sleepover?" "I don't like that idea, Mr. Mayor." "Well, why not?" "I know I'm up for it." "Because I don't want to share you with anyone else." "Well, but sharing is good." "Playing in the sand box." "Swinging." "Yeah." "There's enough of Mr. Mayor to go around." "Besides, I bet Gina Giraffe knows some new games that I'd like to learn." "I can tell." "Oh, my God." "Is he saying what I think he's saying?" "No." "He just wants to nail Nina." "Oh, how sweet." "I really needed that today." "* ...it's much more comfortable between your toes" "* And don't stick a sunflower up your nose *" "Oh, ho, we'll be right back." "Steven?" "Oh, hey, Maya." "Did you hear the sunflower song?" "Because that's based on a true story." "Steven, we need to talk." "I don't know what kind of sick games you're playing." "Wait, wait." "What are you talking about?" "Gina Giraffe?" "Nina?" "If you have a thing for Nina, just say so." "For Nina?" "Come on, Steven." "A sleepover with Gina Giraffe?" "You cannot deny the subtext of the situation here." "Subtext?" "Maya, they're just puppets, okay?" "Look, there may have been some weird coincidences, but they're just puppets." "But Gina Giraffe?" "Gina, Nina?" "Look, Maya." "Maya, I don't know where all this is coming from, okay?" "But you are the one that I'm crazy about." "And I don't want anybody else, but you, okay?" "All I want is you." "(TV SHOW MUSIC PLAYS)" "Look, I gotta go back on." "I'm almost on." "Are you okay?" "I'm not sure." "I think so." "They're just puppets?" "They're just puppets." "Oh, I feel so stupid." "Oh, don't." "Okay?" "All right, you're the best." "Okay." "Okay, look, I gotta go." "You wait for me over there?" "Okay." "Okay." "Hey, I miss you already." "Okay." "Okay?" "All right." "(GRUNTS)" "Well, sorry I was late everyone, but Miss Panda was complaining again." "I was not complaining." "I think it's sick and wrong for you to invite" "Gina Giraffe for a sleepover." "I'm Miss Panda." "I use words like "subtext"" "to show that I went to a good college." "I never pick up the check!" "All right, that's it!" "Stand up, you little freak!" "I'm Mr. Mayor!" "What's happening?" "I'm gonna rip your head off, that's what's happening!" "You have messed with the wrong panda!" "Get off!" "And glasses and a monocle are stupid!" "(GASPS) Call 911." "You can't hurt me!" "The Mayor likes it rough!" "(SCREAMING)" "Hey." "Hey, hey." "Don't hurt the wolf." "He had nothing to do with it!" "* Life keeps bringing me back to you" "* Keeps bringing me home" "* It don't matter what I wanna do" "* 'Cause it's got a mind of its own" "* Life keeps bringing me back to you *"