"Kai!" "You gotta save me!" "I'm sorry Stan, but I cannot." "What do you mean, you can't?" "!" "I do not float." "I don't wanna die!" "I made it." "I can't believe I made it." "Kai!" "Kai?" "Kai?" "Kai, where are you Kai?" "Kai, can you hear me?" "You can do it, Tweedle." "You can make it." "You've always made it before, you're gonna make it this time too, I know it." "Somebody - can you hear me?" "!" "This is a bad dream - a very bad dream." "Here!" "Here, here!" "Over here, help me, I'm over here!" "I'm here." "This way, this way, please." "It's Stanley H..." "Ostral B heretic... please help me." "Kai." "Stan." "Somebody help, please." "Please, somebody, please." "Where's Kai?" "I don't know." "What do you mean, you don't know?" "Stan's gone too." "As if that matters." "He can't be gone." "It doesn't make sense, my circuits are shorting." "Kai, Stan and I were crossing over with everyone from Girltown." "I saw Lexx eat some things." "They were just in front of him and he ate them." "Some balloons and " "Us." "We were there too." "Lexx ate the balloons and Kai and Stan were knocked out of the moth." "I think they fell down to Water." "Lexx?" "Yes, captain?" "How are you the captain?" "Stan gave me the key when he fell out of the moth - or the key left him on its own, I don't know." " Lexx?" " Yes, captain?" "Why did you eat the balloons?" "Because I was hungry." "They were delicious, but they were only a very small snack." "I am still very hungry." "Can you fly now?" "I think I can, but not very far." "I need to eat much more." "Do you know what happened to Kai?" "Who is Kai?" "The most gorgeous hunk of man that ever lived!" " and then some." "The dead man in black." "I don't know." "We were there in the moth with the balloons when you ate them - you almost ate us!" "They were very tasty, and I am still very hungry." "You have to go back down." "You have to find Kai." "You have to do something!" "I know, but what?" "I estimate that we could effectively patrol the entire surface of the planet in 142.3 days." "That won't do Stan much good." "What?" "He's a dead assassin." "That means he's been decarbonised." "That means he doesn't float!" "And I can't bear to think about what that means!" "You have to keep looking 790, please, keep looking." "Prince?" "Hello, Stanley." "What are you doing here?" "I'm here because I have caught you in my net, so to speak." "Caught me, how?" "We will discuss that soon, together." "Where are we?" "We are between Fire and Water." "But there's nothing between Fire and Water." "I mean, there's no, no land on Water, there's no water on Fire, and no planets in the sky, how can, how's that possible?" "You made it possible." "But - sometimes, there are no planets in the sky, right?" "Sometimes they're out of sight on the other side." "You are on the other side." "OK, well, that settles that, but, but this is a beach," "I mean, did we, did we miss something somehow, or " "No, you didn't miss anything." "Then where am I?" "As I said, you're between Fire and Water." "But not on either one of them - not yet, anyway." "Look - here you come." "That guy looks just like me." "What's that?" "Nothing important - just a body." "Nothing important?" "!" "It's a dead body - but not my dead body." "Oh, Stanley." "Poor, poor Stanley." "You're wasting your time." " Maybe." " You are!" "Got any other suggestions?" "Yes." "Eject his carcass into space and concentrate on looking for my beloved hunk of living death." "790, this is the deal." "You have to help me fix up Stan." "Once we've taken care of him, we'll start trying to find Kai, OK?" "The protein regenerator repairs damaged flesh." "It does not bring the dead back to life." "Well, Stan is damaged flesh." "Stan is destroyed flesh." "He is dead." "Well, we have to try." "It's a waste of time." "I already heard that, now are you going to help me or not?" "I will do anything you ask, as long as you help me find my beloved." "Fine." "Let's try." "But it is a waste of time." "Who are you?" "Stanley Tweedle." "Well, technically that could be the right answer, seeing as how you look just like me." "But I'm Stanley Tweedle." "Let's skip the technicalities." "Let's talk about you." "I was!" "Tell me, Stanley - would you rather be on Fire, or on Water?" "Well, I'd rather be on Water of course, not that I'd ever wanna have to make that choice." "Don't worry, you won't." "He will." "He will decide whether you suffer forever on Fire, or enjoy yourself forever on Water." "Well, who's he and why does he get to decide?" "I'm you." "And therefore he knows you better than anyone else." "I will argue that you should spend eternity with me on the planet Fire." "And I will make sure that you suffer." "He's very good with pain ." "I am." "OK, well, who's gonna argue that I should spend my time on Water?" "provided that's the only alternative" "It is." "And you are." "You will defend your life, and he, the other you, he will be your judge." "So, Stanley - tell me all about yourself." " What, everything?" " Everything." "There's nothing you can hide - although there may be a few things that you might want to explain." "I" " I've always just done what I had to do, to get from one day to the next - more or less." "More or less?" "!" "It's working." "No, it's not." "Those are just nerves firing in response to electrical stimulation." "The man is dead." "But we've repaired everything on his body." "Why isn't he alive?" "He's not alive because he's a rotting sack of meat, and I told you this would not work." "We are wasting precious time that could be usefully spent rejoining two hearts in love." "Kai doesn't have a heart, and nor do you." "I have a virtual heart." "No you don't, and Kai doesn't love you." "Yes he does!" "No he doesn't!" "The dead don't love." "Why do you hate me?" "I don't hate you." "You do, admit it." "I will only admit that you are one very messed up robot head." "So then he asks us to wait outside while he went inside and bought himself a drink." "But me and my brother, we just, you know, left him there, and by the time he came back out we were long gone." "What a way to treat your best friend" "Well he was being a jerk, you know?" "We didn't have any money, and he wasn't going to share." "But still, you were willing to abandon your best friend because he wouldn't share a drink of soda water with you" "Yeah." "You know, we were never friends after that." "I mean, something just got broken and it couldn't be fixed." "See, but at the time I told myself, you know, this is the right thing to do, but you know," "I knew it wasn't." "I mean, he was just in a mood," "I shouldn't have left him there." "I know how bad he must have felt when he came out and his best friends were, you know, gone." "Not as bad as you're going to feel." "You know, there hasn't been a day, a week, a month, a year that's gone by in the rest of my entire life that I haven't thought about that and just felt bad," "wished there was some way I could make it up." "Well, you can't." "What's done can't be undone." "So - does that mean I'm gonna have to go to Fire?" "No." "You were only fourteen." "Oh - so we're gonna talk about the 94 Reform planets, huh?" "I mean, that's what's gonna do me in, right?" " No." " No?" "That was a sin of omission." "His Divine Shadow destroyed the 94 Reform planets." "If you had given up your life to save them, we wouldn't be walking on the beach right now, you'd already be on Water." "But you chose not to be a hero, you chose to live on, and do many bad things." "What bad things?" "You made many bad choices - the kind that I prefer - when you could have made good choices." "Frozen meat." "Dead meat." "Stanley meat." "All exactly the same thing." "You're just wasting power storing it in there." "I'm the captain now, so I can waste power if I want to." "Come on 790, let's go." "Where are we going?" " Fishing." " Excellent idea." "From the time I arrived on the Cluster, until the time I played a very significant role in the destruction of the Divine Order, nothing much happened " "I mean, in my life." "On a personal level." "Nothing comes to mind that you did wrong?" "Well, I'm sure there musta - might have been a few small things but there's nothing I can remember, that well." "Nothing?" "Nothing springs to mind." "That's funny." "A few things are springing into my mind." "Yes." "They spring in, and then - they springout again." "Invalid code." "Access denied." "Zev of B3K, there is no escape." "Surrender at once" "I got her, I have her!" "I got Zev of B3Ê!" "Fugitive alert." "This fugitive wanted,for immediate termination." "Selfish behaviour, don't you think?" "I do." "Oh come on, I didn't even know who she was!" "Or care." "Look, she coulda been a killer or something!" "I mean, besides, you know, that was all just a reflex action." "OK, fine, I admit it!" "Maybe I didn't do the best thing, but I was in a panic, now you're not gonna condemn me for that." "No." "He doesn't have to." "What do you mean?" "You'll see." "Ladies" " I've got the hand, the key to the Lexx." "It only does what I tell it, remember?" "Ah - what's that?" "His Shadow's personal flagship, the MegaShadow, and the Cluster's 24th attack wing." "Er" " Lexx, could you please destroy them, if you don't mind?" "I cannot fulfil your command." "They are forces under the immediate direction of His Divine Shadow." "And you are not permitted to destroy them." "I'm security guard 4th class Stanley Tweedle, and I've been captured by these escaped prisoners, and I'm surrendering the Lexx, and I truly worship His Divine Shadow." "You waste of skin!" "You knew who Xev was then, didn't you?" "Sort of." "And yet you still did not hesitate to betray her." "I was stalling for time, really." "really." "Really?" "No." "You were afraid of dying." "Whereas you should have been afraid of what would happen after your death." "So you're saying that I've gotta go to Fire now, is that it?" "Not at all." "You've done many things that are far worse than that in your little lifetime." "Really?" "Yes, really." " Here." " How can you tell?" "It's a robot location kind of thing." "What's that?" "I don't know, it just is." "I know that this is the spot where you found the dead security guard's body." "But how do you know that?" "there is nothing to make any reference to, just open water." "First I lose my man, and then everybody starts to pick on me!" "I'm not picking on you, I just asked you a question." "You hate me!" "790, I already told you, I don't hate you." "You love him, don't you?" "Who?" "I knew it." "I knew it, I knew it!" "You're in love with my dead man!" "Look, 790" " I will admit that once I had some - in fact, quite a lot of feelings for Kai." "It didn't go anywhere, because it couldn't." "I'm alive and he's dead, so I've tried to move on." "You've tried, but you haven't succeeded." "You're trying to steal my stiff away!" "Are you sure this is the spot?" "Would I steer you wrong?" "I don't know, you might want no-one to have him if you can't." "I love him completely, don't I?" "In your special 790 way, you do." "Then I want us to find my man - desperately!" "I believe you." " When we catch him, promise you'll let him be mine, and mine alone." " No." " Please, Xev, I'm begging you." " No." " I'll humiliate myself." "I'll do anything!" " No." " Then I'm going to kill myself." " You won't." "Yes I will!" "No you won't - because you can't." "You're a robot head." "You cannot even move if I don't pick you up." "Then throw me over the side!" "No." "Please, Xev." "I can't stand to live another minute longer, knowing that you're trying to steal my man away." "I'm not trying to steal your man away." "You're not?" "No." "I'm just fishing for him - like you." "Who knows if either one of us will catch his fish?" "So I have a chance?" "Yes, 790, you have a chance." "Not much of one, but a tiny little robot head in love chance to make his dead man dreams come true." "I'm so happy!" "Oh no - we're out of rope." "You're not taking everything into account." "I did good things too." "Can you make them appear?" "You can, if you can think of any." "Kill, kill, kill, kill..." "It was me and Xev." "If we hadn't been destroying those brains," "Kai never would have got his chance to kill the Divine Shadow." "See, so I helped destroy the Divine Shadow and rid the universe of the Divine Order." "Now, that's gotta count for something." "I'd say she acted very bravely" "Well, so did I!" "Going along with her brave act was a good choice, I admit Stanley, most unusual for you." "But I did it." "I did help!" "Yes you did." "And that will cancel out some of your wrong choices." "OK." "So, I mean, that's gotta mean that I get to go to Water." "Not at all." "The best part - from my point of view, anyway... is yet to come." "Remember this?" "It's at the maximum." "It's the red hot sea." "If we don't get more flame, we're gonna crash and burn." "That's all there is." "OK, then we have to lose weight now." "So - who's going to volunteer to die?" "I volunteer him." "I volunteer you." "It's our balloon." "We picked you up, and you got some extra free life, so come on Fifi, do the right thing, come on, over the side." "Come on Fifi - you lost the vote, take it easy." "No, no, you jump!" "I'm not gonna jump!" "I'm not jumping!" "Come on - if you're not gonna jump we'll just have to throw you overì!" "Forget it!" "Kai!" "No, please, I'm begging you." "You can't just kill me, snuff out my life like it was nothing." "And if Duke's right, and there is another life, you all might have to pay for this wrong!" "I thought you didn't believe him." "We don't have a choice." "Fifi, come on." "No!" "Killing is wrong - there's gotta be a way." "OK, so we don't think there's enough fuel." "Well, maybe the wind'll change direction or something." "You can't just take away a man's precious life because there isn't enough wind!" "Come on Fifi, let go!" "I don't know, Stan." "I don't know if I can throw him over the side either." "You're going crazy on me again, Xev." "Look, just be practical for once." "What good is it gonna do if we all crash and burn?" "Look, come on Kai, gimmee a hand here." "Well, if killing someone is wrong, then it's wrong ." "Yeah!" "Look." "There's just so much to choose from." "Stan, this is Xev." "We've found somebody alive, could be more." "Somebody, what kind of somebody?" "A female somebody." "Female - is she attractive?" "Is that all that matters to you?" "Yeah, pretty much." "Bye, Stan." "No, wait, wait!" "But what's so wrong about that?" "Does the word selfish mean anything to you?" "Oh, come on, that's small." "What do you expect, perfection?" "Look, I was just being a guy, with needs, you know, like any other guy." "Anyway, OK look, I already paid for that." "How?" "Well, I was almost raped by a robot head." "Only almost." "And what about this?" "790 is an electronic device, won't he be destroyed too?" "790's mini-brain is not an electronic circuit and so it shouldn't be destroyed, isn't that the part that counts now?" "790 is a hybrid - part human, but mostly machine." "Any pulse that destroyed the drones would certainly destroy 790." "So?" "The Lexx is about to die here, and we're about to die with it." "We can't stop to save a robot head!" "But we did stop, we went back for the stupid robot head." "We almost got killed in the process." "But would you have gone back if Xev hadn't pushed you?" "Look, I didn't want to go back inside the Lexx because it wasn't sensible." "We were risking Xev's life too and I didn't want her to die, anymore than I wanted me to die." "And somebody had to be practical on her behalf, because she never is!" "There, see, I was right." "I don't agree, but I will concede the point." "Well, good." "We're finally starting to move this process in the right direction." "That direction is about to change." "Oh, so what are we going to talk about now, me losing the amino acid codes that caused 94 Reform planets to be destroyed?" "No." "Then what?" "Well, I don't remember anything else that I did that was especially wrong - anything big, that is." "I remember." "I was there." "I would have liked you Stanley." "I know I would have." "I would have liked you Stanley." "I know I would have." "I know I would have." "I know I would have." "I know I would have." "May?" "May?" "May?" "May, are you there?" "Am I here Stanley?" "Am I?" "I am here for you Stanley, if you want me to be." "May?" "Do you want me Stanley?" "May?" "May, are you there?" "She's there Stanley." "She's there Stanley." "She's there for you if you want her to be." "Prince?" "She's there Stanley." "She's there for you if you want her to be." "Prince, what are you doing here?" "You're, you're dead, aren't you?" "Do you want her, Stanley?" "What - what are you talking about?" "Do you want May?" "Do you want her to be there, to be alive and yours, yours alone?" "I dunno." "What are you talking about, what are you saying?" "I'm saying, do you want May to be alive and yours, or not?" "Well, um, but she's " "She's dead, yes - but she does not have to be dead, if you don't want her to be." "But how?" "You saw me die, hmm?" "Do you want May to live, Stanley?" "Yes, yes I want May to live and be mine alone." "Good." "Then you and I will make a deal." "I will give you May." "And in return, you will agree to use this ship, the Lexx, to help me to destroy the planet Water." "But there are people on the planet Water." "Yes there are people there." "Can they leave?" "No." "They must also be destroyed along with the planet." "When would I have to do this?" "As soon as you can." "No." "No, I can't." "I mean, I can't destroy an entire planet and everybody on it for, for just one person." "That's a good decision." "You've passed the test." "Only temporarily, or you wouldn't be here." "Does this mean May will live now?" "No, no." "This means May, will stay as she is." "She will remain dead." "Oh - here comes the best part." "Prince?" "Prince?" "Prince?" "I'll use the Lexx to blow up Water if May can live." "I agree!" "Prince?" "Prince!" "Stanley?" "May?" "You're alive." "That will be a very costly kiss - for you, anyway." " No." " What, no?" "No, I did not destroy Water." "Water was not blown up." "Stanley, you're not being condemned for destroying the 94 Reform planets, because that is not something that you wanted to happen - although it did happen and arguably it is your fault." "No, I did not want it to happen and it didn't happen!" "Water was not blown up, by me or by anybody." "But you would have done it." "You wanted it to happen." "True?" "Lexx - how long now?" "We will be directly aimed at the water planet in 10 seconds." "9." "8." "7." "6." "Lexx - 5." " I command you to - - 4." "What?" "3." " 2." " Lexx!" "1." " I command you to " " To what?" "Zero." "We are now directly aimed at the water planet, Stan." "Stay out of this, Xev!" "Stay out of what?" "Whatever it is I'm doing." "And what's that, huh?" "Let me go Xev." "You don't know what's going on." "I command you to " "What are you up to, Stanley Tweedle?" "You tell me what it is right now, or I'm going to squeeze the life out of you." "Are you going to tell me or not?" "Are you going to tell me." "No?" " Yes." " All right." "Lexx - blow up the water planet now!" "As you command, Stan." "I am sorry Stanley." "I missed." "We had passed the position where I was pointed directly at the planet." "Look - it was a moment of passion, OK?" "I was acting crazy, I couldn't help myself!" "A moment of passion, was it?" "A little, tiny moment of insanity, that came and went in an instant?" "Or was it a cold-blooded attempt at mass murder, that came within a hair's breadth of success?" "Prince." "You did not destroy the water planet, Stanley." "I tried, but Xev stopped me." "Does this mean May is gonna die now?" "That's up to you." "I will give you one more chance." "You will destroy Water the next time this ship is pointed at it, or May will be gone from you forever." "And if I do?" "Then she will live, and be yours for the rest of your life." "What is it Xev?" "Stan" " I thought I heard something." "What?" "What a tragedy." "You didn't get the girl.But she certainly got you." "We will be there in two minutes, Stanley." "Good." "Lexx, I command you " "Don't think so, Stanley." "We're not going to destroy a planet, we're not going to kill people we don't know, we are not going to kill Kai anymore than he's already dead, you hear me?" "Lexx" " I command you to " "No, Stanley!" "We're not going to destroy the planet, do you hear me?" "OK Xev, yes, I hear you, I agree, I agree." "Just let me up so I can breathe." "Stanley, ask the Lexx if he is past the point where he can destroy the planet." "Ask him Stanley, and there is no point in trying anything else!" "Lexx?" "Lexx - are you still pointed at the planet?" "Yes I am, Stan." "I will be aimed at the water planet for 6 more seconds." "5." "4." " Lexx - - 3." "Don't even try!" "2." "1." "We are no longer aimed at the water planet." "But I didn't know that it was the planet where all the good people went after they died.I didn't know it was so important!" "No matter." "You knew that it was a planet with people on it, and you were willing to commit mass murder for your own selfish personal pleasure!" "True, Stanley Tweedle?" "Yes!" "I was in love." "That's nice." "But it is not a reason to kill." "And that is all I have to say." "I will see you later, Stanley Tweedle!" "We can't give up now!" "We're not giving up, 790." "It just wasn't the right spot." "We'll try other places when it gets light again." "It was the right spot, I'm sure." "That was exactly where we found the security guard's carcass." "We didn't find Kai." "Don't worry, 790, we'll find him somehow." "Did you open?" "Drop it, move!" "Here, I'm here!" "What was that?" "What?" "I have enhanced hearing, and I just heard him." "Who?" "Who else but the greatest man who ever died?" "!" "Really?" "I am in robot heaven!"