"MONICA:" "Mm, mm, mm." "This cake is amazing." "Mm." "My God, get a room." "Mm." "I would get a room with this cake." "I think I could show this cake a good time." "If you had to, what would you give up, food or sex?" "Sex." "Seriously, answer faster." "Oh, I'm sorry, honey." "No, when she said "sex," I wasn't thinking about sex with you, heh." "It's like a giant hug." "Ross, how about you?" "Which would you give up, sex or food?" " Food." " Okay, how about, um, sex or dinosaurs?" "[EMMA LAUGHS]" "Oh, my God, it's like Sophie's Choice." "Oh, God." "What about you, Joe?" "What would you give up, sex or food?" "Uh..." "Ooh..." "Uh..." "I don't know, it's too hard." "No, you gotta pick one." "[JOEY SIGHS]" "Uh, food." "No, sex." "Food." "Sex." "Food." "Sex..." "I don't know." "Oh, God, I want both." "I want..." "I want girls on bread." " You gotta see these pictures of Emma." " Oh, how cute." " Oh, she looks just like a little doll." " Oh, no, that is a doll." "Oh, thank God, because that thing's really creepy." "RACHEL:" "Yeah." "[RACHEL CHUCKLES]" "PHOEBE:" "Look, there's Chandler." "RACHEL:" "Oh, who's the blond?" "She's pretty." "[PHOEBE GASPS]" "He's having an affair." "He is not having an affair." "I'm always right about these things." "No, you're not." "Last week, you thought Ross was trying to kill you." "Well, sorry, but it's hard to believe that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it." "[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]" "There's something going on with them." "Look." "He's getting into the car with her." "RACHEL:" "Oh, that doesn't mean anything." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, let's see." "Huh?" " Okay, duck down." " Oh." "[LINE DIALS]" " Hello?" " Oh, hi." "It's Phoebe." "Um, I know that Monica is working today so I was wondering if you wanted to come to the movies with me and Rachel." "Oh, uh, I have to work too." "Yeah, I'm stuck here at the office all day." "Uh, well, it's a shame that you'll miss the movie because we were gonna see, you know, either, um, Liar Liar or, um Betrayal or An Affair to Remember." "Those are all really old." "Okay, then maybe it'll be, um..." "Dude, Where's My Car?" " What?" " They're in a car." "Okay." "Well, talk to you later, okay?" "Bye." "Jeez." "Okay, quick." "We gotta find a cab and follow them." "Oh, yeah, okay." "Let me just grab my night-vision goggles and my stun gun." "Heh." "I got them." " Hey." " Hey." "Hi, sweetie." "Hey, you smell like perfume and cigarettes." " I was in the car with Nancy." " Nancy doesn't smoke." "Well, at least the perfume's not mine." "Be thankful for that." "So..." "What did you think of the house?" "It's everything we've been looking for." "Isn't it?" "And what about the amazing wainscoting the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?" "And the wiggle woms and the zip zorps." "What were the things you said?" " Don't you love the huge yard?" " The fireplace in the bedroom." "And Nancy said it's really underpriced because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!" "This is bringing out a lovely color in you." "So do you think we should get it?" "I don't know." "What do you think?" " I think we should." " I do too." " This is huge." " I know." "How bad do you wanna smoke now?" "I don't know what you mean, giant, talking cigarette." "Phoebe called as I was getting into Nancy's car." "If she asks you, I was at work all day." "Got you." "When do we tell them?" "We don't." "Not until it's 100 percent." "Why upset everybody over nothing?" "Okay." "Right." " Oh, my God, that is gonna be so hard." " I know." "Good luck with it." "I just can't see Chandler cheating." "I'm telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester." "They went in for 45 minutes, and then they came out looking pretty happy." " Chandler?" "RACHEL:" "Mm-hm." "Forty-five minutes?" "Well, something's not right." "I can't believe he'd do this to Monica." "I know, and with the baby coming?" " So should we tell her?" "ROSS:" "I don't know." "If one of us saw Mike with another woman, would you want us to tell you?" "Why?" "Who'd you see him with?" " No one." "I'm just saying if we did..." " Tell me what you know!" "[SCREAMS]" "No one." "Nothing." "Mike's a great guy." "It was hypothetical." "All right." "He is a good guy." "You're right." "He wouldn't cheat." "If I did see him with someone, there's no way I..." "Who did you see him with?" "[SCREAMS]" "Oh, look at her." "So happy." "If only there were a smaller one to clean this one." "Hey, is, uh..." "Is Chandler here?" "No, he's picking up dinner." "Why, what's up?" "Well..." "Look, whatever happens, we're here for you and we love you." " All right." " Chandler might be having an affair." " What?" " Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blond woman today outside on the street." "And then we followed them to a house in Westchester." "They went in together." "I'm so sorry." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God, that's awful." "[SIGHS]" "What did you think of the house?" "What?" "Monica, you understand what we're saying, right?" "Yeah." "Sure." "I mean, I'm devastated, obviously." "Did you think the neighborhood was homey?" " Hey." " You son of a bitch." "Is it me, or have the greetings gone downhill around here?" "Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today." "And, um, they think you're having an affair." " Who's Nancy?" " What's going on?" "Uh..." "Okay, uh..." "All right, you better sit down." " This is..." "This is pretty big." " Yeah." "I'm not having an affair." "Nancy is our realtor." "I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes." "[LAUGHS]" "Why do you have a realtor?" "Um, she's been showing us houses outside of the city." " What?" " Are you serious?" "When we found out that we were gonna get this baby Chandler and I decided we didn't wanna raise a kid in the city." "So you're..." "So you're gonna move?" "Oh, my God." "Shouldn't we all vote on stuff like this?" "What is wrong with raising a kid in the city?" "I'm doing it." "Ross is doing it." "Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it." "And that's great for you guys, but we want a lawn and a swing set." "A street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by." "So you wanna buy a house in the '50s." "PHOEBE:" "Have you thought about what you're giving up?" "You can't move out of the city." "What if...?" "What if you want Chinese food at 5 a." "M?" "Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains?" "Or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?" "You know what?" "If you want to look for a house, that's okay." "No." "No, it's not." "Don't listen to him." "I'm gonna thump you." "It's okay, because they have to get it out of their system." "Okay?" "But you're gonna realize this is the only place you wanna be." "Actually we already found a house we love." " What?" " About an hour ago, we made an offer." "Bet you wish I was having an affair now, huh?" " You put an offer on a house?" " It's so sweet." "It really is." "It has this big yard that leads down to this stream." "And then there's these old maple trees." "Oh, again with the nature." "What are you, beavers?" "Look, I know this is really hard, and we're really sorry." "Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food?" "Because I can stop doing that." "I really, really think I can." "You know that's not the reason, Joe." "[JOEY SNIFFS]" "MONICA:" "I think if you saw it, you'd understand." "You guys were there." "It's beautiful, isn't it?" "[RACHEL'S FOOT THUMPS]" " Yeah, it is." " What the hell are you doing?" "Well, it is, all right?" "When we were out there today, all I kept thinking was:" ""I can't believe Chandler is screwing this woman but, man, this would be a nice place to live."" "Yeah, but so is this." "Yeah." "I mean, if you move there, you have to leave here." "I mean, how can you leave this place?" "Come on, Daddy, listen to me!" "It's like all of my life, everyone's always told me, "You're a shoe!" "You're a shoe!" "You're a shoe!" "You're a shoe!"" "Then today I stopped and said, "What if I don't wanna be a shoe?" "What if I wanna be a purse?" "You know?" "Or a hat?"" "I don't want you to buy me a hat, I am a hat." "It's a metaphor, Daddy!" "You can see where he'd have trouble." "Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica." "I guess we've established she's staying with Monica." "Your money's mine, Green." "Your fly's open, Geller." "PHOEBE:" "You know what I just realized?" ""Joker" is "poker" with a "J."" "Coincidence?" "Hey, that's "jo-incidence" with a "C."" "Ooh, look." "Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles." "ALL:" "Ooh." "Oh!" "Ooh." "That had to hurt." "[GUYS GROANING]" "Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too." "You know, instead of watching football, you could help." "[IN UNISON] We know." "Rachel, you wanna put the marshmallows in concentric circles." "No, you wanna put them in concentric circles." "I want to do this." "Every year." "[JOEY GRUNTS]" "[PHOEBE GASPS]" "JOEY:" "It's stuck." "PHOEBE:" "Well..." "Step." "How did it get on?" "I put it on to scare Chandler." "Oh, my God!" "Monica's gonna totally freak out." "Plus, it smells really bad in here." "Of course it smells bad." "You have your head inside a turkey's ass." "Ooh, ooh." "Monica." "Ooh." "Did you get the turkey...?" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Who is that?" "JOEY:" "It's Joey." "I got it." "How about if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster." "Ooh, that's interesting." "If you win we give up the bird." " Aah!" "But if we win we get your apartment." "Ooh!" " Deal!" " What?" ""What was Monica's nickname when she was a field-hockey goalie?"" " Big Fat Goalie." " Correct." ""Rachel claims this is her favorite movie."" " Dangerous Liaisons." "ROSS:" "Correct." " "Her actual favorite is?" Correct." " Weekend at Bernie's." ""Monica categorizes her towels." "How many categories are there?"" " Okay, everyday use." " Fancy." " Guest." " Fancy guest." " Two seconds." " Uh, 11?" "[TIMER BEEPS]" "Eleven." "Unbelievable." "Eleven is correct." " Yes!" "JOEY:" "Ha-ha-ha." ""Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?"" " Fourteen?" " No, 19." "Thanks, man." ""Joey had an imaginary childhood friend." " His name was?"" " Maurice." " "His profession was?"" " Space cowboy!" "ROSS:" "Correct." ""What is Chandler Bing's job?"" "Oh." "Oh, gosh." "Ten seconds." "You need this or you lose." "It has something to do with transponding." "Oh!" "Oh!" "He's a transponster." "That's not even a word!" "Oh, my God." " Oh, my God." " No!" "Whoo!" "[LAUGHS]" "You know what?" "You are mean boys who are just being mean." "Hey, don't get mad at us." "No one forced you to raise the stakes." "That is not true." "She did." "She forced me." "We'd still be here if you hadn't got the question wrong." "Well, it was a stupid, unfair question!" "Don't blame the questions!" "Would you all stop yelling in our apartment?" "You are ruining moving day for us." "Chandler!" "Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window." "I saw what you were doing to my sister." "Now, get out here!" "Well, listen, we had a good run." "You know?" "What was it?" "Four, five months?" "That's more than most people have in a lifetime." "So goodbye, take care, bye-bye then." "Hey, Ross." "What's up, bro?" "What the hell are you doing?" "Hey, what's going on?" "Well, I think..." "I think Ross knows about me and Monica." "Dude, he's right there." "I thought you were my best friend." "This is my sister." "My best friend and my sister." "I cannot believe this." "We're not just messing around." "I love her." "Okay?" "I'm in love with her." "I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way." "I'm sorry, but it's true." "I love him too." "My best friend and my sister." "I cannot believe this." "This is the last box of your clothes." "I'm just gonna label it "What were you thinking?"" "Funny, I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler." "Okay, you guys, I don't mean to make things worse, but I don't wanna live with Rachel anymore." "BOTH:" "What?" " You're just so mean to each other." "And I don't wanna end up like that with Rachel." "I still like you." "Well, Phoebe, that's fine because I'm not moving." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Phoebe, you gotta take her." "I know I said some bad stuff but Rachel does have some qualities that make her a good roommate." "She gets tons of catalogs and, um, she'll fold down the pages of the things she thinks I'd like." " What else?" " Uh..." "When I take a shower she leaves me little notes on the mirror." "Yeah, I do." "I do do that." "That's nice." "I like having things to read in the bathroom." "When I fall asleep on the couch after reading she covers me over with a blanket." "Well, you know, I don't want you to be cold." "And when I told her I was gonna move in with Chandler she was really supportive." "[SOBBING] You were so great." "You made it so easy." "And now you have to leave." "And I have to live with a boy!" "Hey." " She really left." " I know." " Thank you." " No problem, roomie." " Can I ask you a question?" " Sure." "What the hell is that dog doing here?" " A little toast here." "Ding, ding, ding." "ALL:" "Mm." "This isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving you planned but for me this has been really great, you know?" "I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting." "I was just thinking, if you'd gone to Vail or if you guys had been with your family, or if you didn't have syphilis and stuff we wouldn't be all together, you know?" "So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked." "RACHEL  JOEY:" "That's so sweet." "RACHEL:" "Thank you." "ROSS:" "Mm." "And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas." "And a crappy New Year." "ALL:" "Hear, hear." "You can't move." "You just..." "You just can't." "Rachel's right." "This is where you guys belong." "You don't wanna live in Westchester." "That's the worst of the Chesters." "You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys are just having dinner or watching TV or something but it makes me feel better." "And now when I look over, who am I gonna see?" "The Gottliebs?" "The Yangs?" "They don't make me feel so good." "Yeah." "So don't move, okay?" "Just stay here and maybe close your blinds at night." " Hey." "[PHONE RINGS]" "[CHANDLER SIGHS]" "Hello?" "It's Nancy." "They responded to our offer." "And?" "Yeah..." "Okay." "Thanks." "They passed." "They said they won't go a penny under the asking price." " We can't afford that." " I know." "Well, there you go." "JOEY:" "I'm really sorry, you guys." "Yeah, I'm sorry too." "I'm even more sorry that phone call didn't come before I told you about looking through the window." "Yeah." "Well, we're gonna let you be alone." " You gonna be okay?" " Yeah, we'll be okay." "Love you guys." "You know, I'm really sorry I wasn't more supportive before." "That's okay." "We understand." "Yeah, and about this Nancy..." "If you're not sleeping with her, should I?" "I know there'll be other houses, but I just, uh..." " I loved that one so much." " Yeah." "Well, it's a good thing we got it then." " What?" " We got the house." " Oh, my God." " I didn't wanna tell you in front of them." "We got it?" "We got the house?" " We're getting a house." " Oh!" "CHANDLER:" "Mm." " We're getting a house." " And a baby." "We're growing up." "We sure are." "Who's gonna tell them?" " Not it." " Not it." "Damn it!" " And, Rachel, this is yours." " Aah!" "Why?" "What are these for?" " You'll see." " All right, everybody open them." "[RACHEL  PHOEBE GASP]" "Oh, wow, this is so beautiful." "Oh, these are the ones I was looking at in the store." "MONICA:" "I know." " Oh, I love this." "A meatball sub." "Thanks." "Seriously, guys, what's going on?" "What are these for?" "Well, I didn't know how to tell you before but we got the house." " Enjoy." "What did they say?" "[English" " US" " SDH]"