"You should hire someone to do this." "Hey, you're lucky I'm not a farmer." "You'd be out plowing a field." " What is manila anyway?" " I don't know." "Is it a substance?" "A color, maybe?" "In the kitchen, we'll do a nice manila." "I'd say more like:" ""By the time we dug him up, he'd turned manila."" " Don't you have to get to class?" " On my way." "Oh, and Wikipedia says:" ""Not a what, but a where." "Called manila after hemp from the Philippines."" "Good morning." "I guess that would explain why this filing was giving me a killer buzz." "Can I help you, Mrs. O'Dell?" "I hope so, Mr. Mars." "Please come in." "My husband didn't kill himself." " What makes you think that?" " Because I know my husband." "Mrs. O'Dell, I saw him that night." "He had just learned of your infidelity." "He was drinking heavily." "Well, it was in him to sulk, to divorce me even but he would never in a million years kill himself over me." "The sheriff ruled it a suicide six weeks ago." "Why come to me now?" "Honestly, money." "As his death was ruled a suicide, his life insurance is denying benefits." "I'm a widow with two children to take care of." "You told Mr. O'Dell you were at a Junior League meeting the night he died." "Are you asking for my alibi?" "If it is a murder, you'll be asked for it repeatedly." "Your husband implied that your Junior League nights were a cover for your affair with Professor Landry." "I was with Hank all night." "Look, I didn't kill Cyrus, Keith." "Neither did Hank Landry." "But someone did." "Well, let me dig around." "If I find anything, I'll take the case." "Thank you." "This is one trashed lab." "All that's missing is a big hole in the wall shaped like the Hulk." " Somebody call Tech Support?" " I did." "We had a break-in." "Our computer was sabotaged and it's dead." "There's a year's worth of research on that hard drive." "Our professor will have med students practicing autopsies on us." "Professor McGregor has to understand it's not our fault." "I locked up, Pauline." " Do you have a backup?" " Yeah." "He's gone too." "Your backup's a he?" "Twenty-five, our research monkey." "Well, he is the research." "Even if you save the hard drive, without Twenty-five, the whole project is dead." "And we'll be dead too if McGregor finds out we lost him." "Who do you go to to find a stolen monkey and 20 control-group rats?" "Logan Echolls, don't you get it?" "Ex-boyfriend." "That's your new title." "It comes with certain restrictions." "This is my food-court time." "You're not a breakfast person." "You're not even an early lunch kind of guy." "Can't we just agree this is Veronica time?" " Veronica." " Mac." "And the people coming to take me away." "Veronica Mars, Pauline Elliot and Gil-Thomas Pardee." "They're missing a monkey." "And 20 rats." " We're talking monkey, as in...?" " Touch my..." " It's not just any monkey." " Please tell me he plays piano." "Twenty-five is a genetically altered capuchin monkey." "Its uptake-inhibitor proteins have been coded to allow us to monitor cholesterol breakdown at a cellular level." " And he can play "Chopsticks."" " Excellent." "Any idea who would wanna nab?" " What's his name again?" " It's not a pet." "We don't name them or wrap squeaky toys up for Christmas." "His research ID number is 25." "Yes, I know exactly who stole him." " It was those damn PHAT kids." " Because, I take it, monkeys are delicious?" "And, dude, "girth-challenged" is the preferred nomenclature." "P-H-A-T." ""People for Humane Animal Treatment."" "They've done this kind of crap before." "They liberated him and took a year's worth of research in the process." "Please, this is our future." "We need that monkey back." "Can't wait till you're in a tree:" ""Here, monkey," and holding out a banana and then the branch breaks and hilarity ensues." "If there's hilarity, I charge extra." "Think you can salvage anything off their hard drive?" "Iffy." "Looks like someone poured something on it." "You've solved the case?" "PHAT is having a recruitment meeting tonight." "Square one." "Want some company?" "What?" "This soft spot here, it's for all creatures, great and small." "Okay." "The more the merrier." "All we need is one more angel and we've got a show." "I'll come by your room." "Dress cruelty-free." "We wanna blend." "I got it." "I'm off to class." " Hi." " Hi." " What are you doing here?" " Looking for you." "I need to find Weevil." " You two palling around now?" " I need to ask him some questions." "Mindy O'Dell doesn't think her husband killed himself, and Weevil found the body." " So..." " You think Dean O'Dell was murdered?" "Not really." "No." "I think he had his heart broken and shot himself." "I suspect his wife feels a tremendous amount of guilt." " So why take the case?" " I haven't yet." "I'm checking it out." "Physical plant after 6." "How did you find me?" "My cell phone's not on." "Maybe I'll tell you someday." "According to the PHAT website, we should stay away from fur..." "Obviously... . down, leather..." "The one day I feel like wearing a leather miniskirt." "If it ever had a face or parents, you can't wear it." "So my mollusk shoes are cool?" "Does this say cruelty-free?" "It says, "I've given up." "Don't look at me."" "Hey." "You guys haven't picked a country yet." "For the around-the-world party." "Every dorm room dresses itself up like a different country?" "Party?" "Fun?" " No?" " I prefer most of the people on the floor you know, not in my room." "Okay." "Well, if you change your mind, let me know soon." "Most of Western Europe goes down fast." "Single." "Single and on the rebound." "Just so you know, we're approaching critical pathetic mass if the girl who most wants to host gentlemen callers is the most recent victim of a sexual assault." "We should be out there." "Or, at the very least, not barring them from coming to us." "Okay, I get cruelty-free, but I'm an animal too and the clove cigarettes and no-bathing thing is cruelty to me." "No, not you." "You're fine." "You guys ever been to one of these things before?" "Me?" "No." "I come from a meat-and-potatoes kind of family." "Minus the potatoes." "My first pacifier was made of jerky." "Well, it could be fun." "Or it could be a lot of speechmaking by politicos in training." "Or that." "My name is Bronson Pope." "I am the chapter president of PHAT here at Hearst." "I'd like to thank everyone for coming out." "From food industries, to clothing, to medical research corporate America employs horrible cruelty to animals simply to maximize profit." "It's a tragic state of affairs that we fight with education." "People who disagree aren't the enemy, they're the goal." "Yeah?" "This is in addition to some of the more active stuff?" "There was a rumor that someone liberated some research animals." "I was just wondering if we'd be doing anything like that." "What?" "I raised my hand." "That's really not our thing, but if you're eager for action how about joining us tomorrow to launch our letter-writing campaign?" "Sure." "That sounds almost as good." "You know, Bronson, that psycho, bow-hunting rocker guy Ed Argent is playing downtown tomorrow night." "We should consider picketing the show." "You ever meet a Argent fan, Darla?" "They'd pay double to spit on our picket line." "So I came in at around 7." "At first, I thought he just had a bender and fell asleep at his desk but then I saw blood and the note." " A note?" " Yeah, on the computer." "He had a memo on the screen saying, "Goodbye, cruel world."" "I guess his head fell on the Z." "It's a shame, man." "He was pretty cool for a weird, old, white dude." "So, what, you just wanted to see if he left any booze?" "I think I told you that management asked if you'd stop doing that." "That's exactly what's been wrong with you lately." "Since when do you side with management?" "Best-case scenario, old lady." "What's with you?" "That is awesome." "How about a little life?" "So you're gonna mope around like that guy in...?" "What's that book where the guy's mom dies and he comes back to Jersey?" " He's got that motorcycle sidecar." " Garden State was never a book." "It wasn't?" "So much for that paper." "But if this were a book the theme of my essay would be the symbolism of how your character had his man parts ripped off by the Veronica Mars character." " My man parts are intact." " Show me." " Well, you'll have to take my word for it." " I mean symbolically." "We're young, single men in our sexual prime and the only reason why we're not going hog-wild is because of your feelings?" "What, are we on The View?" "Am I Rosie O'Donnell?" "Here's something I read:" ""Today is the first day of the rest of your life."" "Think about that." "Really, think about it." "Yeah, well, as a statement, it seems, you know, obvious and pointless." "Which means that's what your life is." "You need help." "I'm offering, okay?" "Nothing too major, just baby steps." "Just, please, let me help you." "Hey." "Thanks for coming." "Lick or stuff?" "Letters are there, envelopes there." "You know, this is what it's all about." "If people knew that every research animal on campus is caged, tested and killed they might not be here in the first place." "Every research animal?" "Yeah." "That's why this is so important." "Well, I'd like to stuff." "Okay, come on." "Darla." "Hi." "I'm Veronica." "I think your idea to protest Argent was great." "If you go through with it, I'm in." "I do a wicked picket." "Look, I know letter writing isn't all you do." "You gotta be careful with new members, I get it." "But just so you know, I'm ready." "Good to know." "Your friend seems pretty gung ho." "Veronica?" "When she played peewee soccer, she made her own penalty cards so she could red-card players she didn't like." "I'm glad you guys came." "I don't usually have much fun at these." "The letter stuff seems fun." "Do me a favor." "Casually look over there." "What?" " How's it going?" " Great." "Maybe we should throw in some low-interest-credit-card apps really grab their attention." "Yeah." "Letter writing's good but some of us aren't so patient." "Some of us wanna get the message out a little more actively." "If you're interested, maybe you can prove yourself." " What do you have in mind?" " Just something that gets our attention." "Surprise us." "You look sad." "You and your friend Weevil have a fight or something?" "Just thinking, if I was gonna get drunk and shoot myself I'd probably drink the good stuff first." " Good thing we don't have any good stuff." " Dean O'Dell did." "A bottle of 40-year-old single malt." "Said he lived in anticipation of drinking it." "So why, if he's gonna commit suicide, does he drink the cheap stuff instead?" "You had a few run-ins with the dean, right?" "What were your impressions of the man?" "I admired him." "He had character." "Or was one." "Or something." "I don't know, just..." "How about his rhetorical style?" "Businesslike and bland?" " More Old Testament sarcastic." " Sarcastic?" "Like he might leave a dumb cliché as a note, as a joke?" " What did the note say?" " "Goodbye, cruel world."" "Typed as a memo." " Like, on the computer screen?" " Yeah." "Why?" "Just, we had to do these papers for Landry's class." "Like, plan the perfect murder." "I got an A, just in case you were wondering." " And what does this...?" " Mine was a fake suicide." "Where you leave a note on the computer so you can't check the handwriting and write something clichéd so you don't study the message." "My example was, "Goodbye, cruel world."" "Hey, Piz." "Ed Argent is in town." "Think you can pull some of that Oregon-mountain-man kill-what-you-eat, gun-rack charm and book him on your show?" "Everything north of San Francisco is just Thunderdome to you, isn't it?" "It's for a case involving a missing monkey." " The case of the missing monkey?" " You'd be helping science and me." "And you might help classic rocker and conservative wild man Ed Argent connect with a whole new audience." "So everybody wins, which is nice." "That is nice." "So how is Ed Argent connected to the missing monkey again?" "I didn't say, and I can't." "Client privilege." "But you'd be doing me a favor I'd really appreciate." "Look, Twenty-five's food is gone." "It was here after the break-in, and now it's gone." "Obviously those PHAT fanatics are trying to take care of him." " What did you find out?" " There might be a splinter cell." "I'm setting something up to get inside." "So, what happens to Twenty-five after you complete your research?" "The only way to conclusively prove test results is through an autopsy." "So that monkey good life includes a blindfold and a last smoke?" "You sound like one of them." "Just a question." "A question, like, "How do we cure cancer or discover new vaccines?"" "You've got the a.c. on full." "If you wanna see my nipples, just ask." "How many times do I have to say temperature affects carbon assimilation?" "I don't know, Emi." "A billion?" "Friend of yours?" "I was in my lab until around 9, locked up didn't see anything suspicious, and went home." "I already talked to campus police." "I'm sure you did all you could to help your pal Pauline." "They have twice the space I have." "For what?" "To find a pill so fat guys in the suburbs can keep eating cheeseburgers." "It's ridiculous." "Look, I may not love Pauline and Gil-Thomas, but I'm a scientist." "I'd never vandalize a lab, ever." "Hey, that was awesome, man." "Thanks a lot." "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "I am your biggest, super-biggest fan." "I joined the NRA after they covered you in Guns Magazine." "I loved that article." "Totally." "The Second Amendment is, like, my favorite." "We were so hoping to get a picture of you in our sweatshirt for our celebrity wall." " Anything for a fan." " Awesome." "Maybe, after the show, I could stop by the sorority?" "I think the Theta Betas would really enjoy that." " Okay." "Say, "Meat."" " Meat." "Hey, look at this." "Tell your friend you guys are in." "Three o'clock, that room." "Great, you're here." "Come in." "I've never been initiated before." "Think I'll get a code name?" "We really loved what you did, and we want you to join our anti-fur campaign." "Congratulations." "You're one of us." "We have a lot of work to do, so go just ahead and take them off." " Take what off?" " Your clothes, for the calendar." "You are committed, right?" "It's an ongoing question in the private-eye game:" "How naked are you willing to get for a case?" "This campaign epitomizes what we're about." " Oh, yeah, totally, but..." " We know you guys believe in the cause." "That fur is the unnecessary killing of animals for nothing more than human vanity." "So you wanna pose together?" "Yes." "Sorry." "We do this to all the real gung ho recruits." "But we totally love you guys." "That Ed Argent thing was genius." "So some of us are gonna grab a bite, if you wanna come along." "I'm good." "I had some mints." "So you have any plans this weekend?" "We have that around-the-world party tonight, remember?" "You should come." "Every room is a country." "Very educational." "Yeah, great." "What country are you guys?" "I love your enthusiasm." "Love it." "Hey, guys." "I found the flag on the Internet." "So you're participating now?" "What about this is Canada?" "Our accents, eh?" "And I almost forgot about..." "Yeah." "Okay." "I'm confused." "I thought you were against the whole party idea." "We were." "And then the guy happened." "No." "In a way." "I don't know." "Somebody was doe-eyed, tongue-tied and, dare I say, twitterpated." "Hey, there's enough guys for everyone." " Maybe Piz will show up." " God, I'm so over that." "I don't know what his problem is." "I think he has a girlfriend back home." "It's a new day." "No more games." "No more waiting around." " I'm ready to be wooed." " Amen, sister." "That was supporting, not joining." "I do not wanna be wooed." "Don't you wanna hear all about how great you are?" "I mean, don't you wanna see the look on some cute guy's face when he realizes that you're not only smoking hot, but funny and smart?" "Oh, you're the catch of the century, Veronica Mars." "And so are you." "Are you saying we ought to mingle?" "I'm saying there's a saddle, Veronica, and we should be back in it." "It's just hard when you know you've tried your best, you know?" "I do." "It's a bitch." "I really wanted that relationship to work." "I was committed, which is hard for me." "Think I should call her?" " Okay." " It's raging." "Okay." "Can you excuse me for just one sec?" " So how's it going?" " I'm trying to keep an open mind." "You?" "I think I've been around the world and I want my room back." "This just isn't my scene." "Can you manage Ultimate Boy Quest 2007 solo?" "He didn't show?" "Okay, everybody, Canada's closing." "Sorry, border-control issues." "Sorry." "So, what do you do?" "Like, for fun." "I don't really know." " Well, do you play any sports or anything?" " Nope." " So you just, like, hang out?" " Not really." "My hobby is more like a job." "Which is kind of like a compulsion." "But it's fun sometimes." "It doesn't really leave time for what most people consider..." " Mac, there's someone here to see you." " What?" " Hey." " Hey." "I checked his ID at the border and all seems on the up and up." "So how's it going?" "I'd say it's boys, 0, me, 0." " I think I'm calling it." " Well, we can't go back to Canada." "The guy showed up an hour ago." "Sorry I've gotta go so soon, but..." "That's why I wasn't doing much activism." "Cuts into my partying." "You should've seen me before I quit Greenpeace, and the Sierra Club." "Jeez, why are you so down on people raping the planet?" "I mean, really?" " Yeah." "Well, thanks for showing me Canada." " Sure." "Sorry." " l..." " No, it's..." "Yeah, well, I guess I should go." "Okay, baby steps." "Just some dudes, some tasty waves, and some tasty brews." " That's all we need." " Where the hell you been?" "What, you think I just roll out of bed looking like this?" "It takes time." "Low maintenance, you should try it." "What, getting sheared by an angry mob of lesbians who stick eggs up people's butts?" "No, thanks." "Well, I'm just saying it does simplify one's personal grooming." "Are we here to surf or swap hairdo secrets?" "Dude, wait." "Check it out." "I thought all we needed was some dudes, some tasty waves, and some tasty brews." "Well, we didn't bring enough beer to make them hot anyway." "This is dumb." "I blew it." "It's over." "It's not dumb." "Just keep it simple." ""Hi." "My insane friend stole your driver's license."" "It wasn't stealing." "It was making an excuse to see him again." "You say, "Hi." "You forgot your ID at the party." "We were going out, thought we'd drop it off." "And, hey, you wanna come along?"" " You want me to say that?" " Mac, he tried to kiss you." "And my "libi-don't" kicked in." "Mac, he understands." "He seems like a really great guy." "Just a regular vegan JFK looking for his Mackie-O." "Hey there." "Hi." "You left your ID." "Here it is." "Good seeing you." "Well, hey, come in." "I wanna show you some results." "Oh, and this is Amy, everyone." "Letter's from Bellissima Cosmetics." "They quit animal testing, thanks to the letter campaign." "Yeah, because they make all their money off of college kids." "You're pretty dressed up." "Where are you guys off to?" "Club Club." "It's new." " Mind if I get a glass of water?" " Yeah, kitchen's in the back." " Let me..." " No, it's okay." "I'll find it." " That's really cool." " Yeah." "See?" "You did it." " Did what?" " You lived." "I told you, chicks are just a distraction." "You're better off without that broad." "Yeah, well, I'll admit, this has its charms." "Hey." "You got any more beers?" "Okay, new category:" "Hot enough." "Yeah, sure." "What happened to, "Chicks are a distraction"?" "I didn't say a bad distraction." "What have you got?" "Apparently we're into the cheap stuff." "Yeah." "If you guys get bored of Club Club, you should come by Goldfingers." "I tend bar there." " Do you hang out there a lot?" " Not really my scene." " We have slightly different ideas..." " Might wanna grab a drink." "His bedroom." "Okay if I grab a quick H2O as well?" "It's important to hydrate." "Yeah." "Rats." "Why didn't you say anything?" "I saw them, the test rats you liberated." "Where's the monkey?" "I don't have the monkey and I didn't free the rats." "They just showed up." "Like, in a tiny van with a sob story about needing a place to crash?" "Like, in a box on my doorstep." "Yeah, people know I'm the animals guy." "It happens." "Can I see the box?" "So Amy seems nice." "How long have you been together?" "Nineteen years." "She's my sister." "So are you gonna tell Pauline and Gil-Thomas about the rats?" "They're clients." "I kind of have to." "Boy, oh, boy." "You are bad." "Man." "I can't believe I just did that with Aaron Echolls' son." "They were in a rat habitat in Bronson Pope's bedroom." "He said someone dropped them off." "Dropped off, funny." "What about Twenty-five?" "He says he didn't get the monkey." "But you have the rat photo..." "Can we get the sheriff's department to get a search warrant?" "Excuse me." " Hello?" " Veronica, hey." "I found something interesting in this hard drive." "We got a report about some stolen rats." "I have a warrant." "Hey." "So, you know some sort of liquid was poured over the computer with all the research on it." "I had to remove the RAM card to let it dry out." "You told Bronson?" "The cops raided the place and the rats were gone." "I didn't want him to get into trouble." "I believe him." "I'm sorry." "I found these on the motherboard." " Looks like little leaves." " You think it means anything?" "Oh, good." "You." "We found these in Pauline and Gil-Thomas' hard drive." "Some sort of leaves." "Any idea where they might have come from?" "Congratulations." "You just narrowed down the suspects to anyone who had access to green tea." "Green tea?" "I stole it off Twenty-five's cage a few weeks ago." "The sound was driving me nuts on the weekends." "In the movies, when they piece back together shredded magazines  they always find an address sticker." "All I found are near-naked ladies." "Did you name him?" "Is that what happened?" " Named who?" " Twenty-five." "I heard him behind the door." "Sounds like he misses you." "There were tea leaves in the hard drive." "You just grabbed the handiest thing around and poured it in the drive?" "Pauline's the one who drinks tea." "But I'm guessing she doesn't subscribe to lad magazines." "When reassembled, the shredded pages from the rat box were mostly almost-naked babes making almost-naughty quotes." "You knew you could pin the break-in on PHAT and you knew Bronson would take care of your lab rats." "I started coming in on the weekends to catch up on work." "I bought him a few toys." "Let him play with them while Pauline wasn't around." "His favorite, by the way." "I always had to take it back before I left." "One day, I'm halfway out the door, when I turn around and he's holding it out through the bars for me." "He knew I was leaving." "You know why we don't name them?" "Because to do the work we have to turn our compassion off." "Because things are harder to kill when they've got a name." "Veronica Mars meet Oscar." "Oh, Veronica." "This is Professor McGregor." "You said you had news." "Here's your check back." "I wasn't able to find him, I'm afraid." "Oh, those idiots at PHAT." "They are paving the road to hell." "Well, the good news is Mac was able to recover most of your hard drive." "For crying out loud." "I thought you said you were getting him back." "I said I thought we were." "Well, the data could still be useful as a comparison." " lf we can rush order another one, we..." " Another one?" "Yeah." "We should have another monkey in another six days." "Science marches on." "Mac." "Hi." "Hi, Bronson." "I was just..." "I wasn't just in the neighborhood." "I was more, actually, coming by because I was wondering..." "What I'm trying to say, or ask, is, I guess do you like movies?" "Yeah." "Because they're doing 2001 in 70 mm tomorrow night..." "Yeah." "Let's go." "Okay." "Great." "Bye, then." "It's kind of lame, but a really hot girl band is playing at the Roxy." "They all went out to try and score, which is both never going to happen and ridiculous." "So I took his shift just to get out of it." "I know how you feel." "I mean, different team, sure." "But the whole chasing, hooking-up people-go-round..." "Parker has been going nuts." "Like I'm some sort of freak because I'm not grabbing anything within 10 feet." " It's exhausting." " Totally." "It's like music." "You know, I love music." "It doesn't mean I have to listen to it at all times and anything will do." "I'm not gonna throw in a Hasselhoff CD just because I left Neko Case in the car." "Like, why bother with something that's not good?" " Because if it's not good..." " It's bad." "Exactly." "But these guys were all like, "As long as she's got a pair of..."" " You know, it was indelicate." " What's indelicate about shoes?" "But I figure, you know, I mean, I know what I like." "Why waste my time?" "Like, why bother with something not good just because it's something?" "Especially when you know the difference, which not many people do." "I mean, do you?" "I..." "I think I do." "See, I think that's, like, 90 percent of life, just knowing the difference." " What'll you have?" " Scotch, please." "It's a hell of a song." " Here you go." " Thanks." "I wish someone felt that way about me." " You married?" " Nope." "Involved?" "Somewhat." "To women." "To women." "What's she like?" " Well, what are they all like?" " Crazy." " Or we are." "I haven't figured it out yet." " Probably us." "What's the craziest thing you ever did for a woman?" "I knew this girl once." "Best-Iooking woman the world had yet produced, as far as I could tell." "She tells me her ex-boyfriend's bothering her." "Always showing up at the parking lot she hangs out in with her friends." "So one night, I went and I filled a jelly jar with gasoline, stuck a rag in it figuring, Molotov cocktail, I'll light the guy's car on fire." "No more bother in the parking lot." "She'll be impressed." "You torched a guy's car?" "You ever light a rag soaked in straight gasoline?" "Thing exploded in my hands." "I torched my car." " Must've been a hell of a girl." " What the hell was I thinking?" "You ever done anything like that?" "That why you put this song on, Keith?" "I read your book, all the way to your picture in the back." "So, no I've never done anything like that." "Like, for instance, kill Cyrus O'Dell for a woman." "I wrote a book too." "About profiling." "Reading people." "Maybe you should check it out." "I've thought it over, Mrs. O'Dell." "I'll take the case." "Good." "Thank you." "So, what made up your mind?" "Just the Scotch." "And good morning." "Morning, Piz." "I was actually figuring you got dinner last night, maybe I could spring for breakfast." " Actually..." " As ordered." "Hey, Piz." "What's new?" "Nothing, apparently." "I'll let you guys..." "[ENGLISH]"