"Have you really not been to London, sir?" "It can't be." "Maybe you just forgot." "Piccadilly, Guide Park, city, Trafalgar square." "Haven't you walked past them all?" "Oh, the fog of London!" "It turns the city into jungle" "Where ladies are driven to their homes" "By imperturbable constables" "Oh, the fog of London!" "It's not that hard to mistake" "Someone else's pocket with your own" "It also happens mutually" "It can't be, gentlemen, don't pretend" "That you don't remember Dickens or Jerome" "Piccadilly, Guide Park, finally, Baker Street " "Yekaterina Vasilyeva  Valentin Gaft" "You know it all so well, so make yourself at home in "My Dearly Beloved Detective"" "Oh, the fog of London!" "Unique, to say it straight." "It's like Notre Dame for a French" "And Fujiyama for a Japanese." "Yes, yes, ladies and gentlemen, you are definitely right." "We are in London." "London..." "The beginning of the century..." "Her Majesty the Queen..." "Arthur Conan Doyle..." "Sherlock Holmes..." "Doctor...actually, all of them have nothing to do with our story." "We will talk about love." "Love?" "Well, excuse me, love is also a detective." "You will never guess how it ends." "She, he, him again, and her again..." "No-no-no, let's not fast forward, and start everything from the very beginning." "Thick fog descended on London, and people could hardly recognise each other." "Excuse me, sir, is Baker Street far?" "It's very close, sir, in 10 steps." "To the right or to the left?" "It depends on where you are." " If you're behind me, then it's left." " Even so?" " And if you're in front of me, then it's right." "I think I'm on the side of you, sir." "Then you are on Baker Street." "What house are you looking for?" "Number 221, the house of the famous detective Sherlock Holmes." "It's very easy, you'll see a sign on the wall." "Thank you, sir." "Good luck, but actually I'm a lady, sir." "Yes, sir?" "I need to see Mr. Sherlock Holmes." " Come in, sir." " Thank you." " Sorry." " They will see you soon, sir." " So..." " So..." "Is this Mr. Sherlock Holmes?" " Absolutely right, sir." " And the second one..." " This is Dr. Watson, sir." "Yes, yes, they are exactly as I imagined." " I'm very happy, sir," " Yes-yes - that you have such a rich imagination." "This vinyl was recorded to guide you around the flat of the famous detective." "The files of criminals that can't wait to get arrested." "A corner where personal belongings are stored." "Give special notice to the pipes." "This pipe is for Tuesdays." "A bad habit of touching everything with your hands." "The collection of Conan Doyle's stories in 44 volumes with the author's autograph." "And now, let's take a look at the dressing room." "Here we can see lots of interesting things." "Here, the unsophisticated modern tools of the criminal world are stored." "Pictures of scammers, marriage scams, counterfeiters with their own inscriptions." "Small evidence found at the crime scenes." "Marked cards, coffee with arsenic and other different baubles." "And finally, the dressing room of the famous detective that allows him to take on different guises, from a lady from the demimonde to a gentlemen of society." "It's difficult to rival with him in the art of disguise, although many visitors are still trying their best to do so." "I'm afraid it won't suit you, sir." "Sorry, miss..." "Mrs., it's just interesting..." "Let me introduce myself." "Thomas Bull, esquire." "Yes, Mr. Bull?" "I need a detective." "The detective is in front of you." "What do you mean?" "I need Mr. Sherlock Holmes." "Take a seat." "Sherlock Holmes doesn't exist." "What?" "This is a literary character invented by the writer Arthur Conan Doyle." "What a trick." " No, I thought he was real." " Not only you." "Hundreds of people come here to Baker Street for help." "You really want to think there's a person who will help you when you are in trouble." "That's why it was decided to open a private detective agency." "Holmes is my real last name." "That's why I was chosen out of many candidates." "People have trust in this name." "Oh..." "Oh..." "Now, it's all clear." "And I was thinking, what are these hats and pins..." " Now it's all clear." " Where are you going?" "Home." "Do you really think I will trust you my case?" "Sorry, Miss, this is not as easy as cooking porridge." "What a shame." "Was it worth waking up at three in the morning, coming here from Devonshire, freezing in front of an open window, and everything - just to insult a woman?" "How do you know I came from Devonshire?" "It's easy to conclude by the red clay on your shoes." "This clay is mined only in Devonshire's carriers." "How do you know I woke up at three o'clock?" "Right now the sun rises at four o'clock." "Only in the darkness a man could put two different shoes on." "But how do you know the window was jammed on the train?" "Train soot." "By the way, only on one side." "The nasty fireman didn't sleep at home today." "But how do you..." "Only a woman can sense a light scent of French perfume in burned coal." "A fireman's wife can't afford something like that." "My pleasure, Mr. Bull." "My friend and assistant Miss Watson." "Do you want coffee?" "Thank you." "Take a seat, Mr. Bull." "Great coffee." "I haven't drank such coffee in a long time." "Probably since your wife left you." "You know this as well." "Well, it's very easy." "Your ring is on your right hand, one button is already missing, the second one is held by a single thread." "We can fix it for you." "Oh no, it's a bit awkward." "But well, if it's not a problem for you." " Oh no." " Please." " Mr. Green!" " Yes, miss." " Sew this button for our guest." "Yes, miss." " Please." " Thank you." "We are listening to you, sir." "So, gentlemen..." "ladies." "I'm worried." "The case is very strange." "Our family has recently lost my aunt that had left us three - to me, my brother Harry and my sister, - a little heritage, including a ring." "An old one, with an emerald." "So, yesterday evening we all gathered at my place and invited a valuer." "He valued the ring at ten thousand pounds." "Not bad." "Looks like the emerald wasn't small." "Like an acorn, of dark green colour." "By the way, Jane, a ring with a dark green malachite would go very nicely with your turquoise dress." "Where have you seen that ring?" "In the jewelry at the corner." "I don't wear that dress anymore." "Yes?" "You got tired of your puffs?" "I got tired of your pinpricks." "Sorry, we got distracted." "I'm listening, sir." "What?" "Yes, so, the valuer left for the money and promised to come back the next day." "So my brother and I had some strong drinks out of happiness," "I mean, out of sorrow, in our aunt's memory." "Yees, our sister soon went to bed, and my brother and I fell asleep right at the table." "And then we woke up an hour later, the ring was gone." "The ring was gone, yes, yes, yes." "We've searched the whole house - it's gone." "Our sister wanted to call the police, but to be honest," "I really don't want them to meddle in our family issues." "Our town is small, everybody knows everyone, so I decided to visit Sherlock Holmes." "I thought he would certainly sort this out and..." "Is that it?" "I think yes." "Tell us, did anything seem strange to you that evening?" "This." "You're right, Miss, when my brother and I were drinking, the candle got blown out by the wind, and in the moonlight, I saw someone stretching his hand out for the ring that was laying on the table," "and grabbing it." "What man?" "Some man, but with our face." "What do you mean?" "My brother and I are twins, like peas in a pod." "I want to know, ladies, who out of us two stole this ring: me, or my brother!" "Excuse me, sir, do you want to say you are capable of stealing?" " Of course not." " Your jacket, sir." " Thank you." " Two buttons and the lining were fixed." "When sober, I can't, but I become very bad after whiskey, and I just can't remember my own self." "Maybe I could have done it as a joke!" "And I found this behind the lining." "Amusing." "That's it." "That's it!" "I'll be damned thrice!" "I'm a thief." "Forgive me, Harry." "Calm down, Mr. Bull, it's just a small lesson on the harm of alcohol in unlimited amounts." " Yes, yes, yes..." " Let's not rush with the conclusions." "Please tell us, is your brother single too?" "How do you know?" "Thank you, Mr. Green." "Well, it's really not hard, and you two like wearing the same clothes like little children." "No, actually, Harry doesn't like that." "But yesterday he came dressed in exactly the same suit as me." "I asked him about it and he was like: "If", he said, "The aunt sees us now from above, she would be happy."" "What can you say, Watson?" "Mr. Bull's trousers and jacket are from different outfits." "Good job." "It's not your jacket, understand?" "No." "In that case we'll have to show you." "Please come at my table." "Mr. Green." "Your brother, thank you," " knowing your weakness for alcohol" " Yes." "and your trusting character, dresses up in the same costume, fills you with alcohol and blows out the candle." "Then he goes behind your back, Mr. Green, and steals the ring the way so you would see it in the mirror." "Therefore he does the crime and you see yourself in the reflection, thank you, Mr. Green." "Wait a minute, but what about the ring in my jacket?" " This is not your jacket." " What?" "In the morning, you, hungover, were searching in the darkness for the clothes and put the wrong jacket on." " I'll kill this scum!" " It's not worth" " getting hard labour for a piece of glass." " What?" "Glass?" "What did the valuer look like?" " Tiny." " Yes." " A bit bald," " Yes." " wearing a pince-nez." " Him?" " Him!" " Yes, John Haver, a scammer specialising in jewelry fraud." "The whole of England is looking for him." "Oh well, we'll have to visit Devonshire." "Will you catch him, ladies?" "I hope by tomorrow you will get your emerald back, and Scotland Yard will get its criminal." "Hello, Scotland Yard?" "Scotland Yard's operator is here, sir." "I need chief Inspector Lester." "Unfortunately, chief Inspector Lester is busy now, sir." "I don't care." "Although..." "Mr. Minister, we'll find him now." "I hope so." "I'm listening, Mr. Minister." "Lester, what are you doing there?" "Preparing for the check, sir." "You better read the morning papers." "That lady made a joke out of us again." "She caught John Haver, who you were searching for five years." "But she's fatally lucky, sir." "I'm warning you, Lester, if she gets lucky one more time, this indeed will be fatal." "You understand me?" "I do, sir." "I hope so." "He's always ready," "A hero and a gentleman." "Our kind bobby, trustful bobby" "The British policeman." "Ready, Biggs?" "Yes, sir." "Well, let's start in order." "Shirley Holmes, born in Manchester in a lawyer's family." "What year?" "Couldn't find out." "It's always difficult with women." "She's not a woman, but a rival." "Next." "Next: college." "Graduated with honours." "Then, study in Cambridge, graduated with honours." "Next, work in Sheffield's lawyer agency, excellent feedback." "Listen, Biggs, I asked you to gather compromising material and you brought me some Christmas cards instead." "Well, unfortunately, sir, as a professional she's perfect, but as a woman..." "No, I'm just thinking:" "a woman, charming, beautiful, powerful, uh, wealthy..." "Are you stuck, Biggs?" "And despite all that, she's unmarried." "Ask me why?" "So?" "Why?" "I don't know." "But it's extremely suspicious." "If we dig in her connections, acquaintances..." "Listen, Biggs, I quit smoking, but I didn't quit being a gentleman." "We've bought one document:" "the famous detective on a man's lap." "Do you want to see?" "Only from your hands." "Here, sir." "Where did you get that?" "The servant Mr. Green sold us this." "The man, unfortunately, is unknown." "He doesn't appear in any files." "Of course, I recognise him." "It's Van Rejn Rembrandt, a Dutchman." "Oh... you're hinting at an international affair?" "I'm hinting that you are a complete idiot." "Here's the self-portrait of Rembrandt and his wife Saskia." "You have the same picture, but with Miss Holmes' face glued in." "How much did you pay for it?" "100 pounds." "200 more and you could've bought the original." "Listen, Biggs, I always wanted to tell you: stupidity is bliss, but do not abuse this bliss." " Do you have a cigar?" " Yes, sir." "Then smoke it, I quit." "Horrible times, Biggs." "The time of matriarchate is coming." "Remember my words, it will end up with Britain being ruled by a minister in a skirt." "Sir, it can't happen." "Well, if a woman detective can make a joke out of Scotland Yard, then anything could happen in England." "Shortly, this lady needs to be stopped." "We'll have to show the society that detective business is not for ladies' brains." "What can we do, sir, she catches all the criminals." "Because the criminals are cretins." "If the enemy would be smart, quirky, treacherous, if it would be hard to predict what he will pull out the next second..." "I know such a man." "Who is this?" "You, sir." "One day you will kill me, Biggs." "Doctors forbade me from smoking, and you..." "He's always ready," "A hero and a gentleman." "Our kind bobby, trustful bobby" "The British policeman." "A ten." "A two." "Missed." "You're very inaccurate today, Jane." "Did something happen?" "No, no, why do you think so?" "Tell me, I see it." "Robbie Summers proposed to me." "You're free, Mr. Green." "You're free, Mr. Green." "Who is this Robbie?" "Oh, the one who's Harry?" "No, why, I introduced him to you." "Yes?" "Here, tall, brown haired." " Robbie Summers." " Oh, that ginger Welshman." "Not a very good part, Jane." "Firstly, he's a gambler, have you noticed the thickening on his forefinger and his thumb on the right hand?" "A professional's callus." "Roses for you, miss." "Shirley, this man is here again!" "Who is he, Shirley?" "Two years ago I went to Madrid to investigate a case of a bull who got poisoned before corrida." "There, this torero saw me." "No detective methods needed here: he thinks he's in love." "Jane, if there is one man who truly thrills me, it's Sherlock Holmes and no one else." "Shirley, you're speaking Spanish!" "I have to learn it." "I've explained a hundred times in English to him that he must leave me alone!" "What is he saying?" "What all of them say." "That I'm the sunrise for him, the starlight and other nonsense." "Alright, that's enough, go, Watson." "Sorry, Miss, but I have an urgent business for you." "To your service, sir, but I'm exercising, if you excuse me." "It's all right." "I have a delicate question for you." "Do you know where the chief police Inspector Mr. Lester is?" "Are you feeling well, Mr. Biggs?" "To be honest, not really." "I'm very worried." "You see, Mr. Lester is the very image of punctuality, and if he didn't show up to see the Minister at 11 o'clock today, it means something horrible has happened." "Why did you come to me?" "Because you, Miss, were the last one who saw Mr. Lester, and I have information that yesterday you were at Mr. Lester's house." "Thank you, gentlemen, you are free to go." "Where did you get this information?" "Mr. Lester's concierge told this to us." "Could she be wrong?" "No, Miss, she saw you with her own eyes, and heard you playing the violin:" "Joseph Haydn, Sonata in B-minor." "Mind your tongue, Mr. Biggs." "I do love that sonata, but not that much as to play it late at night in the flat of an unmarried man." "Goodbye, Miss Holmes, I didn't mean to say that, but I am worried." "Did something bad happen to my boss?" "I have a bad feeling." "Goodbye again." "Obviously it was a mistake, even though the concierge saw it." "Sorry." " I think everyone has died." " Better for us." "Miss Holmes, you came for your glove." "Just a second." "Do you know her?" "First time I see her." "Yesterday I found it right away, I ran out to your cab, but it was too late." "How do you know me, Mrs. Ackton?" "Well, how else?" "I've always admired your picture on Mr. Lester's desk." "I even asked him, who is this charming lady, and he replied: "It's Miss Holmes"." "And yesterday, Miss Holmes, when you visited Mr. Lester..." "Are you sure it was me?" "Of course." "I said to you: "Good day, Miss Holmes", and you nodded and went upstairs to Mr. Lester." "What did I look like?" "I don't understand your question, Miss Holmes?" "You know, I've been experiencing memory losses in the past few days." "So, what did I look like?" "The same as in this photograph." "A formal dress and this cap." "And your memory, that's not serious, Miss Holmes." "I had these problems too." "I went to this one doctor," "I forgot his last name, he cured me immediately." "By the way, could you take us to Mr. Lester's office?" "But Mr. Lester is not home, and police forbade me to let anyone in this morning." "Anyhow, we would still like to go there." "Honestly, lady, it's forbidden, and I do treasure this job, even if it's not great pay, but the guests" "I open the door to late at night always give me something as gratitude." "How much did I give you yesterday?" "Poor thing, you do have bad memory problems." "You didn't give me anything, Miss Holmes." "Here." "That's a lot." "It's for yesterday and for today." "Yesterday you told the police you heard Haydn's violin sonata." "I did." "How do you know it's Haydn?" "Do you have music education?" "No, one of those men told me." "Which men?" "Who came in after you, Miss Holmes." "When you started playing they were going up the stairs, and one of them said:" ""Oh Shirley, the way she plays Haydn, the B-minor sonata!"" "What did they look like?" "Normal." "Average heights, with moustache." "They are your friends, Miss Holmes, you know better." "Did they leave with me?" "Poor thing, when I remember the doctor's last name I will certainly tell you." "All four of you left late in the night, and obviously Mr. Lester had drank a bit too much, because the ones who love Haydn were literally carrying him in their hands." "Aren't this you, Miss Holmes?" "Haydn sounded like this?" "Oh no, Madame, much better." "Haydn sounded like that?" "These are you pictures, Shirley." "I don't understand." "But it's obvious, Shirley, Inspector Lester is in love with you." "Nonsense." "But why would he have your pictures then?" "Why?" " You're disturbing me." " Sorry." "He always hated me." "Right, a typical sign of attraction." "If he's in love, why didn't he tell me about it?" "He was shy, don't you understand?" "A police inspector?" "Shy?" "Don't be silly." "Shirley, you don't have a heart." "If you won't stop talking I will call an usher." "Don't take your temper out on us." "It's not our fault your ginger spaniel barked at you this morning." "Excuse me, Miss, how do you know I have a ginger spaniel?" "His visiting card is on your sleeve." "I'm not interested whether Lester is in love with me or not, I'm interested..." "Excuse me, how do you know he barked at me?" "Because of your boa." "You think it's arctic fox, but it's a coloured cat." "I'm interested in the person who came to him." "A woman who looks like you." "Men always like women of the same type." "My Robbie had a fiancee that looked like me." "By the way, where's your Robbie?" "I kicked him out." "You were right, Shirley, he indeed appeared to be a gambler, and he spends all of his time in a men's club." "Look, that coloured cat has escaped." "So, your bag, gloves." "Here." "One moment." " Who's there?" " Us, sir." " Sir!" " Biggs!" "A real gentleman always lets the lady go first, even into a prison cell." "Come in, Mrs. Ackton." "It's really cold here." "I hope this conspiracy won't end up with me catching pneumonia." "Report, Biggs." " Sir, you are a genius," " Yes." "I know, respond substainally." "Everything went as you thought." "She swallowed the hook." "Yesterday they went to your house and found the pictures and the King of Spades." "Haven't you exaggerated, Mrs. Ackton?" "It's impossible, sir." "Everything as you said:" "a bit stupid, talkative, decently greedy." "You will get your reward in the office." "Your 9 pounds." "I was promised 10, sir." "Don't treat me like a fool, Mrs. Ackton, I'm taking away the pound you received from Miss Holmes for your excursion around my flat." "And now you should disappear, even better, you're ought to leave England alltogether." "I've already requested necrologies for her." "Fire?" "Flood?" "Ran over by a locomotive." "Very good." "Is there any other way, sir?" "That's a very good way." "Wish you a good disappearance, Mrs. Ackton." "So, how our guys are doing?" " Waiting for your orders!" " Call them." "So." "Yes, hello, it's Biggs." "Number 8 and 12, urgently to the special cell." "What are the other successes?" "Has my body been already found in the Thames?" "Unfortunately not, sir, bodies found are mostly small and puny currently." "Obviously it's not the season now." "Yep...all right, drop some indirect evidence to her." "Take my hat and throw it in the Thames, let it be accidentally found near the High Gate bridge." "Grandiose!" "8th, sir, and the 12th, sir, have arrived at your orders, sir!" "Sir!" "Yep... have some." "Now, listen, guys, and remember." "You, 8th, will go to my club and get drunk on the sum given to you." "There are only 15 shillings, sir." "I didn't tell you the task would be easy." "Use your brain." "When drunk, you will blab out that a Corsican woman named Rosita is jealous of me, that... here's the text to jabber." "You, 12th, will secretly break into their flat on Baker Street and stick the Queen of Spades on the most obvious spot." "Why, sir?" "A hint: a jealous Corsican threatens her rival." "Sir, I have an idea..." "Not necessary." "And try doing so that the policemen who did the tasks disappear from London completely." "The newspaper will say they got run over by a train, sir." "What, three witnesses under one train?" "Yes, sir, the train is big: enough for everyone." "Who?" "Us." "What are we doing here, Shirley?" "Calm down, calm down." "Firstly, not Shirley, but Charlie, and secondly, don't be worried, Johnny." "Sooner or later Lester should come to his club." "But he's not here." "Then we'll search for him in the club." "Clubs are always full of chatty men." "Excuse me, gentlemen, but I can't remember you." "Nothing surprising, we were accepted into the club quite recently." "Sorry, gentlemen." "Sorry." "Excuse me, sir, do you know these gentlemen?" "A bit." "Bachelor club." "Engagements and weddings were never known by Englishmen." "Independence is our motto." "The door to this club is closed, and so our hearts for somewhat girls." "Gentlemen, come closer!" "Banners up high!" "Gazes tough!" "There's no one more stupid than the one who's married." "For years the world's been groaning and suffering under women's oppression." "But it was silenced by Mendelssohn." "And these walls carry only the true spirit of freedom." "We will carry it through centuries." "Robbie Summers recognised us." "I hope he is a gentleman." "Gentlemen, come closer!" "Banners up high!" "Gazes tough!" "No one is smarter than an old bachelor!" "Shame, gentlemen, I don't see Lester." "An excellent bridge would come out." "Do you know Lester?" "I know?" "I "know" the Welsh prince." "But I'm friends with Lester." "We're worried if anything had happened to him." "Happened?" "Never ever." "Although, guys, it's a secret." "Maybe he's in Soho with his Corsican girl." "Strange." "Strange what?" "Strange that he likes Corsicans." "I always thought he prefers the English." "I have seen that Rosita." "The devil herself, and a jealous one at that." "She came to the club dressed as a man recently, looking for her inspector." "I told her: "Rosita, it's a scandal!", and she said, "The scandal will be later." "He lies to me that he attends the club, but he's seeing that white horse!"." "Gentlemen, attention please." "Our respectable club has been horribly insulted." "As I was told just now, two individuals of opposite sex have entered these noble walls." "John, you're free." "I demand them to leave our company, or they will be shamefully kicked out." "Yep, as I thought." "Well then, according to the rules of our club," "I have to force all men present to go through a disgraceful checking procedure." "Be ready, gentlemen." "Sir, are you a gentleman?" "Of course." "Can you swear for it?" " Of course." " Thank you, sir." "You, sir?" " Yes, sir?" " What, sir?" " I'm a sir." " Your word, sir?" " Gentleman's word, sir." "I'm happy I wasn't mistaken about you." " James?" " Sorry, Ronald, but I'm the club's president now, so" " I'm a man, gentleman's word, sir." " Thank you, sir." "What idiocy." "I can't stand swearing." "I won't be answering, and that's it." "That's right, Charlie, we'll prove our manliness with action." "Softness is not our style." "You, sir?" "What, sir?" "Are you a gentleman?" "And are you a gentleman to ask such tactless questions?" "Sir, you're holding the check." "I'm waiting." "Gentlemen, leave the young man alone." "I'm not a gentleman." "What a shame, gentlemen!" "We should throw his membership fees in her face." "I'm a lady!" "What a shame, gentlemen!" "Gentlemen, save your energy for the second impostor." "Your answer, sir?" "Mine?" "Here, sir." "And I give my word for that guy as well." "Charlie, bend it back." "Ask me." "I'm a woman." "You?" "And this?" "It's glued." "Rip it off." "I believe you, lady," "a gentleman's word." "Jane, I think everything's going well." "Our version got proven." "The Corsican probably really exists," " and she's jealous, and nuts." "Are you listening, Jane?" " Yes." "Stop crying." "A silly business, especially in the rain." "Sorry, Shirley, I still can't calm down after that idiotic check." "I thought I would die of fear." "Good thing Robbie recognised me." "Bad, unprofessional." "You need to practice so the lowest sailor would take us for his mates." "We'll stop using makeup." "What?" "At all?" "Yes, you especially." "Your skin is soft, Jane, it's visible when you're blushing." "Then, your hands, some sandpaper won't do bad." "Then the walking," "I showed you how a man walks: the spine is hunched, the gorilla's posture." "Oh no, I won't be able to learn this." "Do you want to become a good detective, Jane?" "Let me be a bad one, but I will remain a woman." "Thank you, Shirley, I've learned a lot from you, but everything has a limit." "I'm a woman and I will stay one!" "Don't shout, Jane, we're getting attention." "I don't care." "Thank god Robbie recognised me." "He acted like a hero." "A questionable virtue." "Heroes can last seconds, and a respectable man should act like a man his whole life." "Don't you dare to talk like that." "And anyway, Mr. Holmes, I wanted to tell you that if I work in your agency, it doesn't give you a right to control my personal life." "Out of service I can do whatever I want." " Apart from recklessness." " Recklessness too." "Give me 2 pennies." " Jane... what?" " A coin, 2 pennies, please." " Hello, 2-14-18." " Jane, stop." "Hello?" "Miss, can you pass me Mr. Summers?" "Oh, he's not here." "Miss, be kind, when Robbie comes back, tell him Jane Watson called, and she agreed to marry him." "Welcome." "Excuse me, lady, for my looks." "I've spent several days in a prison cell for service business." "Look how it all ended." "I don't understand, how people can sit there for years?" "Thank you, Bobby, I think my legs have already boiled." "So, lady, you are Mary Harvey, an actress from Sheffield." "That's right, sir!" "Wait, Biggs, I'm asking the lady." "Let me notice: a good actress from Sheffield." "I played Lady Macbeth," "Juliette, Jeanne d'Arc, I played..." "Well, your record service is not bad, but this role is harder." " Do you understand the task?" " Of course, sir." "A jealous Corsican, passionate, unbridled, ready for everything." "It's me!" ""Yes, I killed him!" "But don't waste your time searching for his body!" "Even when dead, he's mine, only mine!"" "Something like that." "The text is not bad, but I sense some exaggerating." "Thank you, Bobby, I don't need you for now." "Thank you, you're free." "London, lady, is not Sheffield." "Here, true authenticity is needed." "Your audience will be special." "Miss Holmes is an experienced woman: subtle, sensitive to any fraud." "That's why I'd recommend a trustful tone." ""Yes, I killed him, but don't waste your time searching for his body." "Even when dead he's mine."" " I'll try, sir." " Try hard." "I'll try, but you promised, sir, in the case of a success..." "In the case of a success, you will take part in my husband's fate." "I already told you." "I want to hear it from your boss." "Sir?" "Yes, Mrs. Harvey, the police doesn't throw words around." "But right now think more about Corsica." "Yes, sir." "Escort our Rosita." "You know, Biggs, I think more often that if the criminals knew what draughts are here in the cells, they would've respected the law more." "Well, tell me." "No-no, sir, first, if you let me, I'll feed you breakfast." "Sir, everything's going perfectly, she swallows baits like a crucian." "This morning I came to her with your hat that was caught in the Thames." "So how did she react to my death?" "With great pleasure, in the sense, sir, that it proved her thoughts." "Then she asked about your personal life, meaning about your heart attachments." "I replied periphrastically, meaning that you're not a lovelace, but not a monk either, and how it goes in a Scottish song, as the pigeon coos - the hawk attacks." "Biggs, I'm always scared when you start improvising." "She didn't punch you in the face for these verses?" "The opposite, sir." "She herself asked periphrastically, was there a pigeon that flew from Corsica?" "I did a stupid face, like you taught me." "I believe you." "No, meaning that I haven't heard about any Corsicans, although there were talks in Scotland Yard about someone named..." "Don't worry, sir, I didn't blab it out, she said the name herself" " Rosita." "And then I placed the next trap." "I said that the reporters already know about your disappearance." "I asked her advice and she said she'll tell the names of the criminals to the press herself." "So, the breakfast is ready, sir." "Wait, it's too early for celebration." "Let's work it out till the end." "Is it fine for you that I will be eating in the process?" "Bon appetite, sir." "Thank you." "And take a look at my plan as well." "Here." "I will be explaining according to the diagram." "So, the red lines are us, the blues are the enemies, the cross is the place of the main blow..." " I don't understand a thing." "Can you explain practically?" " Practically?" "With pleasure." "So, now everything will be clear." "Miss Holmes and her friend are heading to Rosita's house." "A knock on the door. "Where's Inspector Lester?" "What did you do to him?"." "Rosita is boiling with rage. "I don't know him" - "Oh, you don't know?" "But there is evidence"." "Rosita confesses: "I killed him!"." "A short fight takes place." "Blood spills." "Finally, Rosita is disarmed." "She's taken away." "Reporters meet them at the exit, Holmes makes an announcement to the press." ""Gentlemen, Inspector Lester's murderer is in front of you"." "The press is confused." "Why did she do that?" "Answer - jealousy." "Question - to whom?" "Holmes blushes badly." ""Gentlemen, the late Inspector Lester was secretly in love with me"." "General confusion follows." "And there, sir, you appear." "On a white horse." "A slaying punchline goes:" ""Gentlemen, it seems that somebody has buried me, but I was simply gone fishing." "That's what happens when women become detectives"." "The plan's not bad, but the horse part is a bit too much." "Let us have the pleasure, sir, the guys were pleading for it." "Celebrating the victory means celebrating." "What victory?" "The whole of Scotland Yard digs a grave for two trustful women." "Aren't you ashamed, Biggs?" "Sir, but that was your idea." "Sadly, yes." "But anyway, when they close down their agency, we should comfort them somehow." "Perhaps I do marry her?" " You're joking, sir." " And you can marry Watson." "We would visit each other, sit near the fireplace, read Conan Doyle." "Thank you, sir, but I've already read Conan Doyle." "Yes?" "Then the marriage is out." "Go, Biggs, I want to rest a bit before going out on a white horse." "Goodbye, sir." "Did you forget something, Biggs?" " What do you want?" " Quiet." "Listen, Rosita, or whatever you are:" "aren't you tired of pretending?" "Rest, calm down, or better tell us who forced you to play this comedy." "I'm Rosita!" "I'm Corsican!" "In that case I'm the Queen of England." "Sit down." "Who hired you?" "Biggs?" "Or Lester himself?" "Go to hell!" "I killed him, but don't waste your time searching for the body!" "Even when dead, he's mine!" "Only mine!" " Well then, in that case I'll have to use the deductive method..." " Shirley?" "Have a go, Watson." "Judging from her face, that is skillfully covered in makeup, this is a professional actress." "The acting manner is from the country." "Mrs. is married - the trace from the wedding ring on her annular." "Worn-out heels speak of a difficult financial situation." "Bravo, Watson, I can also add that our Rosita's husband is English." "No respectable Corsican would eat oatmeal." "And he's far away." "Here's the mail box." "He's in jail." "That's why they forced you to collaborate." "I'm sorry, but I call to your conscience." "Scotland Yard plays a dishonorable game with you." "They want to make a joke out of me and Watson, just because we are smarter and more observative than them." " Shirley, two cards are missing from the block." " The King and Queen of Spades." "Watson, check, are there reporters crowded on the porch?" "All's ready for a scandal." "Mrs., sorry, I don't know your name, but I plead you as a woman to a woman." "Right now we will go downstairs, and you will tell everything to the reporters." "Love to your husband is a great feeling, but love to the truth is greater." " Are you married?" " No." "And you?" "In that case you've got nothing but "smart" advice." "I'm ready to be anyone:" "African, Corsican, bolonge, bark, bite - just to save my Davy." "Love to the truth is a great feeling?" "Love to a husband is greater, and that's why I'm pleading you:" "I'm Rosita, I'm Corsican." "Please, I'm pleading you!" " It's me, I killed him, and don't waste your time searching for his body!" " Stop!" "Ladies, a bad thing happened." "Chief Inspector Lester has disappeared!" " It's me, I killed him!" " I said stop!" "Lester has disappeared." "Somewhat scum broke into his home!" " Mr. Biggs, don't you think one joke shouldn't be repeated twice?" " Miss Watson, Miss Holmes, ladies, I swear to all I have, his life is in danger!" "He's a maniac!" " Here, that's what I found in his flat." " I'm telling you it's me!" "I killed him!" "Toreador, be brave and fight!" "Toreador!" "I hope yes." "Let's hope, gentlemen." " It's him." " Who him?" "Do you know the criminal?" "Hello, junior Inspector Biggs is here." "You, Miss." "What is she saying?" "It's a conspiracy!" "Mafia!" " He wants to talk to you." "Don't agree to anything." " Listen you, scum, if only one single hair falls from my chef's head, I will shake all of your Spanish soul out!" " Don't agree to anything, he's crazy!" " Step aside." "If you want Lester alive, here are my conditions." "I will do anything for Mr. Lester." "I'm listening, sir, with my deepest attention." "We are scums, our apologies to Miss Holmes." "It will be done, sir." "If you get in trouble in the deepest slum," " Just shout out: "Where are you, Shirley?"" " Wacky rhyming." "The customer has approved the text." "...and walk into a burning house." "She will set order anywhere and justify any hope!" "Bravo to Shirley!" "Shirley Holmes, our kind friend, our proud flag." "You are like a lighthouse," "Your endless charm is already in history," "Britain adores you, just as the whole world does!" "Oh Shirley, you are our idol!" "Hello, Inspector Lester!" "Pass me a cigar." "Biggs, the only thing that should comfort us both in this story is that I still managed to come out on a white horse." "So, ladies and gentlemen, our story comes to an end." "Traditionally, lyrical movies should end with a romantic date, but since we're having a lyrical detective, the date, according to the genre's rules, should be held in prison." "Come in." " Sorry, lady, but you should talk in an understandable language." " Yes, but he's Spanish." "Then I'll call a translator." "Good day." "Good day, Jose." "Good day, dear." "How do you feel, Jose?" "Thank you, I'm good." "Do you have any requests for me?" "No, except for the one I've written about." "No, no, nothing but that." "Nothing except the one he's written about." "Nothing else." "Jose, can you explain why you did this?" " He wanted to laugh at you, I couldn't allow him to do that." " He wanted to laugh at you, he couldn't allow him that." " Yes, but you could've warned me." " You could've warned her." "No, I'm a man." "I should guard you, not just warn." "I'm a man." "His duty is to protect you, not just warn." "What you did to Lester was cruel." "But he acted even worse." "In Spain we say, you can pretend to be smart, to be kind, but pretend to be in love..." "No, it's a great sin." " I spoke with a lawyer." "Maybe you'll get just a suspension sentence." " No, no, I wouldn't want that." "Why?" "When I was free, you didn't want to see me, and yet today you are here." "But it's silly." "When you're in love, you can look silly." "Our ancient poet Cordovis wrote:" "It's in old Basque or old Georgian, I don't understand it." "Me neither, but it's very beautiful." "Let him finish." "I was just standing there and suddenly - you walk by..." "Although, judging by my wet cuffs you might have understood that it was raining and I was waiting for you." "Oh no, Inspector, I didn't even think of it." "It's just an accidental meeting." "If you don't mind, I want to accompany you." "I will be very grateful." "I'm very ashamed of this whole story." "All happened because I quit smoking." "It improves your health, but weakens your brain." "Well, Miss Holmes, we should end this silly rivalry." "Let's meet, let's be friends." "By the way, what are you doing this evening?" "Could we dine together?" "Unfortunately, I have an urgent business this evening." "I should learn old Basque." "I need to acquire a poet named Antonio Cordovis." "You're such an interesting person after all, Miss Holmes." "You play violin, know poets." "And I've got no one." "Apart from Biggs." " I'm here, sir!" " Yes, I know." "He's afraid of leaving me alone." "A man should not be alone." "Especially in the fog."