"If you really want to hear my story, then here it is." "It won't be any Hollywood romantics." "As soon as you take a peep into our fridge you'll realise that we are a completely run-of-the mill Czech family." "Family is a bit strong..." "No mum, don't even remember her much." "She died when I was still small." "A box full of letters and photos is what she left behind, dad left it in the garage with the screws, used tyres and Xmas lights." "Johana, the washing!" "For a while it wasjust me and dad, then he brought along stepmum Saba." "Not even sure he loved mum, but I know forsure he loves Saba, which is surprising." "Saba listens to pop, uses cheap anti-perspirants and at school calls me..." "Saba, see, is a right cow and my English teacher." "Move, I'm putting the washing on!" "You still loafing about?" "How can you learn anything in such a mess?" "Can't you fold your things on the chair properly?" "Will you finish off the milk-cake?" "No." "You can milk it all by yourself." "Very witty." "Dad used to be a rocker, now writes for the gutter-press." "You won't tell her off?" "Sure I will." "Don't lick it." "l'm not licking it!" "I can go anywhere, whenever and nobody says a word." "Say something!" "We've got a deadline tomorrow." "Get forty Camels at the Three Oaks." "A bloke who pees into the sink, puts his T-shirt inside his shorts and with a hangover drinks salted fermented milk with garlic." "That's my whole family then." "Dad, Saba and Kerik, the dog." "Apart from that got two mates, three girlfriends and loads of classmates." "Oh yeah, and my name is Johana." "Johana Rubinova." "1st NOTEBOOK HELL OF A spring lt all began at the Rafo's Place." "Vector, where the heck are you?" "What?" "But you're a vital cog missing here, get it?" "Andy's been asking about you." "Kasandra." "My best friend." "A biologist would call her an alpha female." "Saba says she's promiscuous." "Not true,just sussed." "She figured that Andy will have Vectorfor her 17th birthday, whom she adores from our 1st Year." "Christ, what's he doing in Chodov?" "Hagrid." "My best mate." "A one-off." "Always one fora surprise." "What will I do with it?" "Stainless and hardened steel." "Even cuts into concrete." "What's Rubinova like at home?" "Same as at school." "Loud." "I can't imagine you visiting a zoo together." "This is Andy." "Not strictly stupid but..." "Strange, ain't it?" "Going shopping together, and such like." "Down in one, Andy!" "You're only seventeen once!" "Ondrej." "Came because of me." "Already tried to kiss me at the nursery by the sandpit." "Where is the cretin?" "Let him save her!" "Invited them, the tossers, to fill their heads with my wisdom..." "Havrlant." "Take no notice." "They took offence, or what?" "Take it away." "Andy doesn't want another snifter and neither do I." "Kaca." "No clubbing, no drink." "Even so, her old man almost killed her." "Just leave it here!" "We'll manage, right Andy?" "Down in one!" "And we have Vector." "Ciao." "l was wall-papering." "When you look at him it's plain to see he must be a maths freak." "Of no other use." "Andy..." "Happy birthday, Andy!" "Dope wasn't part of the deal." "Take it out double-quick!" "What's up with her?" "What do y'think?" "Feels sick!" "Go and take a look at her." "Crap when she feels crap." "l'm going." "What are they up to?" "Go on then, dumbo." "He's meant to go now?" "Not there anymore!" "l'll take a peep!" "No, you stay put!" "l'm going." "You coming with me?" "I, like, am off too." "A well organised departure." "I was also sick on my 17th." "But without Hagrid." "What's up?" "Hang on." "Have one." "Don't want to." "Hold it for me." "Stop messing!" "Get off me!" "What will they say at home that midnight's gone and you still out?" "Great." "You don't give a twig about Andy who loves you, but you mind what my dad and our teach say about me being out after midnight." "Ouch!" "Johana, don't mess." "Johana..." "Johana." "Why you rolling about here?" "Why are you rolling about?" "I'm not rolling around." "That wasn't me kissing, it was the wine." "I'd never get off with my girlfriend's bloke, but, clearly, the smoochy wine didn't give a hoot." "But suddenly Simon appeared." "The first lad I went out with." "It was meant to last a lifetime, or at least 'til the end of the hols." "Johana!" "Friday is tomorrow." "Lucie." "She looks after the poles." "I was fifteen." "I'd say Simon broke my heart asunder, if it didn't sound like some girlie sentimental crap." "I woke up in a house full of girls whose hearts were also torn asunder." "Windows with grills, blunt knives in the kitchenette, and cordless toilet flushes." "One never knows with suicide risks, does one?" "I started to write in the nuthouse even if it was a therapeutic diary." "I was meant to describe an island of my dreams." "It was bare." "It all floated away." "How are you feeling?" "You know why you are here, and I know if one thing in your life happened differently we certainly wouldn't be sitting here." "In other words, you're a normal girl." "Mayhem took over your brain." "Anger." "OK!" "It has a name and we can work with it." "A pressure-cooker needs to get rid of steam when under pressure, otherwise the pot will explode, it's the same with us." "Are you angry?" "Then scream." "Principal dramatic scene is, in fact, the peak of a dramatic arc, which is comparable to a Gothic vault where every stone has its place supporting other stones, and everything holds together as if naturally." "To us, readers, it seems matter-of-course, but, nonetheless, we have to marvel at this miracle." "You fucking Vector now?" "No, we don't fuck." "But you have done?" "No, we haven't." "Girls, you mucking about?" "We're not fucking about." "No mucking." "And I haven't mucked Victor." "Haven't fucked..." "What about your diary, Johana?" "When I was small I went to sleep to the tapping of dad's typewriter." "Then Saba moved in." "Have you had lunch, Libor?" "Don't even bother going." "Mahi-Mahi fish has run out, which is beyond me." "I looked forward to Mahi-Mahi from our third lesson." "I've never had it, have you?" "They've gobbled it up." "Locusts!" "Well, then Saba moved in and the computertoo." "No more tapping." "Boo!" "Johana, not asleep yet?" "I feel all in the dark." "What will it be today?" "Why did you let mum get away?" "l didn't let her get away." "l'm really sorry she left us." "Mum died when I was very young." "I know almost nothing about her." "She went to Iran to covera photo story accompanied by a bloke she went out with before my dad." "His name was Mahmood Sandzhavi." "An Iranian." "If it seems strange to you that a married woman with a kid just takes off with an ex-boyfriend, you're right, more than strange." "In any case, that Mahmood Sandzhavi then wrote to dad that mum fell out of a car and he apologises." "Sorry..." "Police report supposedly said:" ""underthe influence of drugs"." "It happened in eastern Iran, near the Afghan border." "Where smuggling is rife." "Opium, unrefined heroin and so on." "Your mum was a junkie then?" "She expired off her rocker?" "If you've got her genes we're in for a great time." "Do me a favour." "Girls, not going to P.E. again?" "Come here!" "Bugger me!" "What a bastard." "lf my dad just touched me..." "He'd have the cops on his back for domestic violence." "Catch!" "You're a dick, y'know that?" "Go and play with yourself!" "Johana, fancy going swimming?" "To the swimming-pool?" "You should go." "Vector, that's not a good idea." "Why?" "If it's cold, you can sit in the cafe." "Not a good idea for me to go anywhere with you." "But Andy said... I have a photo where mum is standing in front of a minaret wearing clothes out of One Thousand and One Nights and is smiling." "When I was small I thought she smiled at me, but more like at Mahmood." "I certainly don't take after mum." "What would she do if Vector invited her to the swimming-pool?" "She'd ignore him." "Simply wouldn't go." "Hiyah!" "You cancel it out here and it disappears." "That's an A." "Hey, sorry!" "Yep, Johana..." "Sniffing to see if sis' tits smell?" "Get lost, brat!" "I'm getting on the bus, maybe I'll get there before Hagrid." "Hagrid?" "I chatted to him about Andy and told him to come over too." "To give Vector a nudge to take a bit more notice of Andy." "Hey, pack it in, got to go, see?" "What am I to pack?" "Jesus, ease up..." "Don't try get anyone in the sack." "Cow." "Keep your gob shut." "Peeping Tom." "Don't bother." "I nearly puked up in the Metro once." "But the last one was coming and couldn't afford to miss it, so, I raced out at every station and threw up in the corner a bit." "Did Vector see how I vomited?" "I've messed it up." "Well, are we getting stoned today?" "How did you end up on Friday night?" "Well..." "Folks, what a turnabout!" "Swimming-pool is the in-place now?" "I came to sunbathe." "But it's spitting." "Put something on, you perv, you're giving me the creeps." "It was much worse on Friday night." "Girls, fancy some rum in the teas?" "Johana?" "On Friday at night?" "On the playground in the grass..." "When together we..." "You were there too?" "Who else was there?" "You two mucked about in the playground on Friday night?" "Together... in the grass?" "Sure thing." "Vector, get me that rum, will you?" "No problem." "My name is Johana Rubinova, I am 15 years of age, unhappy in love," "and wanted to s..." "Quiet!" "Don't give away the plot, or we won't have a performance." "My name is Simon and I'm a boy." "How do the parents feel?" "I am mother Berenika and I am dead." "I am the father and I am somewhat confused by it all." "Simon, I fear you will leave me." "Could you be unfaithful to me?" "l don't know what to say." "Could you?" "These are precisely the questions with which you annoy me." "Y'know what a lad does when a girl irritates him with such questions?" "Do you know?" "Simply takes off and finds another." "Simon, relax. I just want one more kiss, one last one." "Then I'll leave you alone!" "Come here." "Where are my interdental brushes?" "Where have they gone?" "l still had three there." "How should I know?" "Don't use them." "How come you weren't at school?" "l got my period." "You keep getting it too often." "Just that Kasandra of yours gets it more often." "Every fortnight." "Loads to catch up." "What's up?" "Isn't is plugged in or..." "How do I get on to the internet?" "You've also loads to catch up on." "Sorry, don't like it when strange folk rummage in my computer." "The fact you're not my daughter doesn't mean I can't slap you." "Dad didn't really hid mum's letters from me but ratherfrom himself." "I always had a strange feeling looking at those photos." "What could a woman like my mum see in a bloke like my dad?" "Sometimes it occurred to me that it could have been somewhat different." ""Hi, Bohous." "Still in Dubai, loads of work." "I'll bring at least three cover stories. I want you to know that I and Mahmood finished ages ago and we are just friends." "I'm no harem slave as you once put it." "He's helping me a great deal." "I'd be lost without him here."" ""We would be warm below the storm."" "It means - 'Worm under a tree'?" "What's funny in you being ignorant?" "What 'tree'?" "Kejklickova!" "Tree." "'Sri'." "What 'three', damn it?" "One, two, three, ain't it?" "Talking about a storm, idiot." "Like 'Sturm und drank', Schiller and his crowd." "She must have screwed him, right?" "Prick of your conscience under the desk?" "We'll take it easy, gents." "Original version of Les Miserable." "We have an English lesson, careful you don't end up with a fail." ""Octopus's garden"." "Garden - 'zahrada' in Czech." "Excellent, we've fished out one word at least." "Octopus's." "'Octo', that's eight. 'Pussy'..." "Not sure how to say this politely." "Size 8 clit?" "Better keep on playing." ""l'll be back in Prague." "in a few days." "Your Berenika."" "She wrote this in July and I was born in April the next year." "D'you get it?" "You are a bit swarthy." "Worst thing is dad is in the dark." "Rubinova, Kejklickova, shut up!" "Thank you." "Andy, I want to apologise, explain." "Some things one can't apologise for." "It's not like that." "Don't bug me!" "As you wish!" "You're just a floozy!" "A fine mess!" "It's nice." "Just a bit sad though." "You use a young refreshing tongue." "You're looking at the scar, right?" "Johana, I have a suggestion to make." "Could we be on more informal terms?" "Not at school but, like, when..." "That's a relief." "What?" "That you are capable of using words such as 'like'." "Ah... well, yes." "Hi, Libor, my name is Johana." "Hi, Johana, I'm Libor." "Talking of scars..." "A girl or a circular saw?" "You know what love is." "Listen, Libor..." "Why do you behave at school like..." "l don't wish to be offensive but..." "Like an idiot?" "Hmm, like an idiot." "Really?" "What do you think it is?" "Probably being hypocritical." "Making yourself to be an old young'un." "It's in my job description." "You're holding my hand and say it's part of your job description?" "Can't you speak normally?" "It's a bit more complex." "Do you like adventure?" "That depends." "Would you come with me to Iran, to the Afghan border mountains?" "That's not adventure but suicide." "l am determined to go there." "Hang on, you want to go where..." "Where your mum died?" "Yep, and find Mahmood." "And I thought that you were exaggerating in your diary somewhat." "Nothing for two years, and then a second kiss within a couple of days." "So what?" "I'm the classroom slag... ln fact, nothing happened,just... ourteacher of Czech tasted my young refreshing tongue." "That evening I decided that I'd find Mahmood Sandzhavi." "I'll simply have a go." "And even if it turns out that he is my biological father I'll never tell my dad." "After all, he ain't that bad in comparison with other old codgers." "Hello!" "Don't piss me off, mateys!" "You're a bunch of wankers." "Christ!" "You can't plaster a frigging wall without me." "Kamila?" "They rang from Benesov, when are they coming for the breeze blocks?" "They called but said they ordered them from somewhere else." "Dad?" "Can I go then?" "Don't even let me eat a shitty nut!" "Girls, did you have to bring up the trip right now?" "We agreed we would go to Slovakia." "l wasn't asked for my agreement." "You'd do that to your grandma?" "Am I supposed to tell her that you preferred to go with someone else?" "She is old and ill." "She bakes and cooks specially for you." "Where is that trip of yours to?" "To south Bohemia." "When and how long for?" "This Friday until Sunday." "There is a chateau in Blatna and Trebon is near with another chateau." "You don't have to tell me where Blatna and Trebon is." "Can I go then?" "They're all going." "Also our class teacher and Havrlant's parents." "Just the one day. I'll take you to Blatna on Saturday morning and pick you up there in the evening." "No Trebon." "One chateau is enough." "And you'll come with us." "Hello?" "I'm not going anywhere." "They all think I'm a slag." "Fuck it!" "That exhaust again!" "Kaca!" "Give me the rug from the back!" "Give it here." "And that wire too." "Which chump thought this up?" "Sod this!" "This ain't normal!" "You off to Blatna?" "If a God really exists He must be really pleased that Kaca won't be going to Mass tomorrow with her insane father." "That she'll start to live normally." "But only Kaca had a romantic weekend in front of her." "I had to get back to Prague." "Didn't have to, I wanted to." "After all the tittle-tattle Andy and Ondrej started to spread around you can't really wonder." "In the end, it ended up differently." "At the Blatna railway station I had a sense of deja vu." "Simon, would you be able to be unfaithful to me?" "Haven't heard that for a long time." "Would you?" "These are precisely the questions with which you annoy me." "You know what a lad does when a girl keeps irritating him with such questions?" "Do you know?" "When is your train?" "Have you a cig?" "They call me Cogo." "Look... lsn't that mate of yours you came to visit waiting for you?" "He'll wait." "Does such a mate that you came to visit even exist?" "You bet." "Wait there a sec." "Tell me one thing." "If someone arrives somewhere they don't get stuck at the station, hey?" "I wanted a fag in peace, or I knew a chick would turn up" "who'd filch my joint... I must have been round the bend." "I forbid myself to smoke as I felt wretched after, and drummers were definitely out of order as I have scars because of them from a certain time back." "Kaca?" "Do I see a ghost?" "The last train has gone." "I'm in one big pickle." "How come you didn't leave?" "I didn't leave because I got awfully stoned." "But I have to get home." "Or at least to Havrlant's place." "I'm not going there!" "Second Coming!" "May your uterus be welcoming." "Kasandra!" "Havrlant, you slobber like God." "Margareta!" "See, gracious lady." "So afraid and there no hassle." "How can you have a mate who happens to be such a pig?" "Cogo!" "Here I am." "The class slag in full gear." "Slagus vulgaris." "Class: mammalia, order: primates, family: hominidi, genus:" "human, type: slag, name..." "Johana?" "I notice the world is a small place." "Ciao, girls!" "Hi." "Go and choose a bed while you're still standing." "We won't be getting drunk under the table, right?" "Learned lecturer!" "We'll finish under something else." "Cheers." "Just the one." "Genuine Moravian." "Of course." "Not bad." "A year ago I got lost at a similar do in a forest near Doupov." "Then at least I was still "popularwithin the collective"." "As they say in school reports." "Johana, I just wanted to say that if by any chance..." "He loves you too?" "From a slag who sleeps with teach, that's rich." "What's that for?" "I've never met such a foul slandering bastard such as you." "Johana!" "You're the only girl I'd change my lifestyle for." "I'd wash my hair, do anything." "A totally wasted head." "At least I've managed to sleep in a normal bed." "Not like a year ago on a park bench at Doupov." "But one thing was similar in both of these excursions." "One wakes up and sees..." "Doupov." "Kaca?" "Kaca!" "Get up!" "Got your panties on?" "Kasandra!" "Johana..." "We've no panties, Kasandra!" "Leave it out." "I undressed myself." "I think Havrlant took my panties." "The pig." "Havrlant or his dad threw the T-shirt at me." "Do you remember anything?" "Girls, I've got one big hassle." "Are you saying we undressed in front of Havrlant and his old man?" "Hi girls, are we getting stuck in?" "Shut it and give us our knickers!" "Not mine." "'No entry'?" "I have to go." "Me too." "The tequila blew my insides out." "Kaca, wait!" "45 missed calls!" "Ciao, Ivan." "Johana?" "On the internet I found 42 Mahmood Sandzhavis." "And I wrote to them all." "There." "Happy birthday!" "Thanks very much." "Johana!" "Johana!" "Will you have a special brawn cake?" "l don't eat corpses." "May I cut it?" "Carry on." "Blimey, he's got some hair!" "Mine were exactly that long." "Hmm, I'd cut it and cut some more." "You wouldn't be allowed near them." ""Dear Mr. Sandzhavi, my name is Johana Rubinova, I am from the Czech Republic and you may be the one I am looking for." "My mother Berenika once had an Iranian friend called Mahmood." "They met in Prague." "If it's you, please respond to my letter."" "Thanks." "Once again dreadlocks have appeared in my life." "They say you don't make the same mistake twice." "I managed it." "And I could only pray that I didn't pay for my mistake." "2nd NOTEBOOK HOT SUMMER OF LOVE" "May your rod be blessed!" "I calmed myself down that if there is no great love involved,just curiosity, nothing to be alarmed about." "But great love was there all right." "Sorry, I..." "Heck!" "I'd move somewhere dry." "I've never been much of a scout." "It's not compulsory at that church high school of yours?" "Archbishop's school." "Hey, you believe in God?" "It seems to me you're a good influence on Havrlant." "Lately he's been kind of..." "Carnally satisfied." "So what?" "You don't think sex and all that is important?" "I fancy a cig." "Hagrid, have you got a fag?" "Johana, that's wacky!" "What you doing here?" "What is it?" "How are you?" "Come here, smiley!" "How long have we not seen each other." "Two years?" "Talk to me!" "See, I am really in great shape." "Talk, porkies if you must, y'well?" "Hilda, I'm a bit busy, so..." "Hey, hang on." "The Gulf Stream has brought a gay phantom of the past." "This is Romca." "This is Johana." "Hi." "Blow me!" "I see amongst us a nymph of good spirits." "Hagrid, my name." "Hagrid, you can call me Moaning Myrtle if you want." "Witty." "Hilda swallowed some paracetamol, Coldrex and anti-constipation med." "Unhappy love affair." "With a girl." "No fears." "You're just a friend and I wouldn't poison myself 'cos of you!" "What was his name?" "Simon." "I can't even imagine what it's like doing it with a lad." "Let's see..." "Did you love him?" "l don't even know now." "I think so as you're not the type who does it just with anybody." "You might be surprised." "Hey, sex without love is like..." "Beef tenderloin without cranberries." "That's a saying, right?" "My dad says so." "That pissing without a fart is like beef tenderloin without cranberries." "Double-quick, jump into bed!" "In 10 minutes lights out." "Are you having a shower?" "Don't give a toss about a shower!" "If there was at least a bath one could drown in." "Chlumec chateau amongst the peaks, forget not lass, give me some tweaks." "Tweak here, tweak there, embroidered finely, gave a white scarf with tulips." "Tweak here, tweak there, gave you a white scarf." "To stop you traipsing to some other doll." "Tweak here, tweak there, embroidered finely... I wouldn't mind having a smooch with her." "Look, Hagrid, Romca is into girls." "What d'you mean "into girls"?" "Hang on, how do you know?" "l know the other one, Hilda." "She also prefers girls?" "They are simply a couple." "Don't you get it?" "Why did she promise me then she'd get rolls with me in the morning?" "Maybe she has the male role in the relationship." "Why couldn't a bloke go for rolls with another bloke?" "Fuck-a-duck. I'm not going with some bloke to get rolls." "Bring me a beer, hey?" "Bugger!" ""DearJohana, at start of my letter l sorry for my faulty Czech." "One you look for is me." "Your mother Berenika I knew well." "Before you born I study in Prague." "There I and Berenika become good friends." "You probably know this." "I am ashamed and sorry that I did not look for you before." "I have much to explain." "I owe it to you and your father." "Death of your mother Berenika was a most tragic thing, which changed my whole life." "I gladly tell you everything you wish to know." "Believe me that I think of Berenika every day, cannot forgive myself for the death." "Your mothersaid much about you when you were a small child." "Johana, you are a grown up young woman now and one forgets how time flies." "I would love to see you." "You and your father. I have a plan." "I now live in Dubai but soon will come to Europe." "I would like to invite you and yourfamily on to my yacht." "Please accept my invitation." "I look forward to meeting you." "My utmost respects, Mahmood Sandzhavi."" "Stupid cow!" "Saba!" "Well..." "Light!" "Saba!" "Yeah." "Don't crack up!" "Now it's all wet." "Oh God..." "Dad?" "The herring is full of bones!" "It's stuck in the roof of my mouth." "Me too, it's inedible." "You know how much it cost?" "!" "I'll tell you, I'll go and see." "Wait..." "It'll be here somewhere..." "Can't see it anywhere." "But it wasn't cheap!" "Frozen fish!" "Daylight robbery!" "The percentage of water should be on the packaging." "Well?" "Not here." "All water and bugger all meat." "A trick how to sell frozen water!" "But it doesn't taste bad apart from the bones." "When I grab a fish by its backbone, pull it out, the bones stay on it." "Look at this." "Pick the backbone... bones stay in the meat." "Dad, I managed to find Mahmood." "Mahmood..." "How did you find him?" "Don't lick it!" "Other people might use it too." "I wrote him an e-mail." "He has invited us to his yacht." "Look here, Johana." "Neither I nor Saba stop you doing anything." "You can go anywhere, anytime, but leave this be." "And if you have any intentions with that goon..." "Bohous?" "A bone's gone the wrong way." "l forbid it!" "Your teeth look terrible." "Dad, I want you to be involved." "And Saba can come with us." "Forget it!" "You've bitten me." "Got it though." "Don't fret, I won't do anything without you being involved." "Two vodkas!" "I am pregnant." "With whom?" "With that lad who stopped for us hitching to Blatna." "I had no hanky-panky long before that and likewise afterwards." "Mad!" "You were never into drinking and you start when preggers?" "It's all the same now anyhow." "Johana!" "l'll be back." "Look, I know a bit about suicides." "Wouldn't recommend it to an enemy." "Yourfather doesn't need to know." "lf you do away with it..." "Shit, it's murder and no less!" "And what is suicide then?" "Won't you commit double murder?" "Kaca?" "Kaca?" "In Kaca's place I'd have an abortion." "But in these matters a lass might be crystal clear in her view but when it comes to the crunch she finds she's not sure afterall." "There was only one thing clear." "Kaca couldn't go home, as her insane Slovak father would murder her." "Living with Saba is no great shakes but at least Saba is no murderer." "She just nags you to death." "Nothing left but to take things into my own hands." "Can you tell me the meaning of this?" "Kaca is in bother." "She's pregnant." "That's why she sleeps in your bed?" "She has an awful father." "He'd kill her." "You've no opinion on this?" "One can't eat this, dust just settles on it." "Kaca can't stay with us." "Damn it, Bohous!" "Definitely not." "One day at the most." "Don't you worry." "Us two won't be bothering you much longer." "What problem?" "We've been scared silly all night!" "Sod it all!" "I'll pack it all bloody up!" "Mrs. Valengova, a rather unexpected thing happened to her." "She is two months gone." "Nonsense!" "I forbid it!" "Why didn't she tell us herself?" "Because she is... scared of you." "Now I've drunk some fish shit!" "She's afraid, is she?" "She should be!" "Where is the whore?" "Give me a promise that you won't do anything to her." "Listen really well!" "If Kaca isn't here within half-an-hour I'll turn both your mugs into mincemeat." "Clear?" "Good God, Igor!" "Now you listen to me." "You're a repulsive tyrant." "You belong in jail or in a nuthouse." "If you didn't ruin the life of your daughter it wouldn't have happened!" "Now they'll kick the bucket." "Kaca simply cannot go home." "Are you aware she isn't 18?" "She soon will be." "As her teacher I also carry some responsibility for her." "Whether I like it or not." "Say something as well." "Let me think a moment." "Stop licking it..." "This is really no joke." "Policemen might be ringing the doorbell any moment." "Valenga!" "I'll switch the buzzer off, hey?" "A really super Saturday!" "Seems my daughter is here!" "Call her over here!" "Good morning." "Maybe you wanted to say:" "Would you be so kind and ask my daughter over, please?" "I won't bother even talking to you, woman!" "First of all calm down." "l'll count to five..." "l'll send the dog on to you." "Kerik, heel!" "l'll break her legs, the bitch!" "Get lost, you son of a bitch!" "Or I'll squirt mace into your mug so you'll wet yourself!" "And now I'll count to five for a change!" "One!" "Two!" "Three!" "Four!" "If, you bastard, so much as touch your or my daughter I'll have you charged!" "Don't ever ring the bell here again!" "Kaca, give me your mum's number." "I'll have a coffee with her." "The sooner the better." "is it normal to throw up in the afternoon as well?" "I thought it was a morning sickness." "Could it have been the potato salad?" "He's still asleep, it's all right." "Not all right. lt's one o'clock." "If anything was up someone would let you know." "Ondrej." ""lf you were missing your Cogo just ask Kasandra."" "What do you want?" "Not home." "Get lost." "Ten crowns." "l said, get lost." "As you wish, cow-face." "Where is Cogo?" "Hi." "Don't know where Cogo is, I was asleep." "You sleep in high heels?" "l've just put them on." "Will you let me in?" "You're really naff with that jealousy of yours." "May I go up?" "I don't want to hear any piffle." "Just yeah or nay." "Slag." "What you staring at?" "I waited for him to get in touch and tell me it didn't happen." "He did get in touch." ""Sorry"?" "Jesus, what a cow." "Saba, light!" "So, I stayed in bed and ignored everything." "Run-of-the-mill ache." "Except this ache seemed resistant to all remedies." "Paracetamol, Coldrex or pills against constipation didn't work." "I stared at the wall and watched everything floating away." "This ache was a real swine, and it was no ache but... a small fish?" "Did you speak to Mahmood?" "I'm not going anywhere." "But I won't stop you going." "I told Saba to go with you." "What's the problem?" "You know how long it's been since she's put a foot abroad?" "3rd NOTEBOOK AUTUMN with A SALTY feeling" "I breathed salty air and tried not to think of Cogo, Kasandra and Andy nor of Ondrej and Talacek, and generally all those horrible things that happened lately." "I was coming to terms with the fact that a great love-affair might not be such a great nirvana." "And a person who keeps turning my loo light and goes off her rockerwhen someone licks the top of a ketchup bottle mightn't be a high-ranking cretin after all." "At nineteen I lost my baby and then somehow it... was a no-go." "l'm sorry, genuinely." "l'm past my sell-by date." "That's from Remarque, isn't it?" "And from life." "You're really kind that you've let Kaca and her mum stay." "Perhaps it will be the only baby I'll bring into this world." "And what about mine?" "Of course I will..." "Hang on." "What?" "But I hate you so." "Well, that's your bad luck." "I didn't tell Saba absolutely everything about Mahmood." "She knew I wanted to find out how my mum died, but the fact that I was curious about Mahmood mainly because he was almost certainly my biological father- that she had no inkling of." "Johana?" "Excellent that we finally meet." "This way only two types of girls are embraced by 45-year old men." "Eithertheir lovers or their daughters." "The first is, of course, nonsense." "So, Mahmood must know I am..." "Jesus hand out graciously:" "You are my dear little ones your souls on passing to Heaven go at once." "Jan Neruda. I was taught that at a Prague school." "I thought that you, as a Muslim, isn't allowed to drink alcohol." "Us Muslims trust friends." "Tell me as a friend..." "ls there alcohol in it?" "ln this?" "No way." "Thank you." "Size 8 clit." "Johana, you like your mother." "But your mother does not write that she wishes to live with me." "You know, your mother was a type of girl... a bit of a fly-by-night." "Did you notice the date?" "July?" "Well, I was born the following year in April. ln April." "That means I must have been conceived when mum was in Dubai." "Hang on, Johana, you say that I conceived you?" "I, the father?" "No, I am not father." "I did not conceive you." "Definitely." "Aha." "And whose daughter am I supposed to be then?" "Are you saying that this girl, this fly-by-night, had God knows how many boyfriends in Dubai, is that it?" "Yeah, and we chatted." "There's loads of alcohol in this, so, you won't want to bother, daddy." "I threw the ring he gave me right at him. lt was white gold and had a stone as big as a marble." "See how I punished him!" "How come I've got so much blood?" "Now on to the scene comes Johana's stepmother, Saba." "Can't let her bleed to death." "Give the knife a miss, Saba!" "Your daughter is bleeding, get a bloody move on!" "Bandage her wrist." "Now call the ambulance." "Quickly!" "Come back home." "I swear you'll be quite safe." "Nobody will harm you." "Enough!" "Kamila, sit down." "First of all, tell me whether your husband has calmed down?" "I am going to divorce him." "Johana said that you definitely want to keep the baby. ls that true?" "Do you know who the father is?" "Crucial thing is whether you have somewhere to go?" "Don't look at me like that." "I am including you too, Kamila." "I thought in the worst scenario..." "To the cottage?" "The school year starts on Monday!" "Kaca has to attend school!" "March." "What about March?" "It's supposed to be born in March Can she complete herfinal exams?" "I'll tell you one thing." "Everything can be sorted apart from one thing, the fact that your husband is an incredible wanker." "So, for a while you'll be living with us here." "Our house is so big we are scared on our own, right?" "Sure." "First day at school was terrible." "They all knew how I ended up with Cogo, and were all pleased." "Above all, I wished to be invisible." "But as one can see I am seen without a problem." "Have you a moment?" "How is your diary going on?" "l've finished with writing a diary." "Johana, what's happened to you over the summer?" "l don't recognise you." "Nothing has changed with me." "is the reason that..." "When were kind of together?" "If you have an issue with it then say it." "I'd transfer to another school." "I don't have an issue "with it"." "Stop asking me all these questions." "Just stop staring at me!" "Give me some flipping peace!" "Us two won't be sitting together, hey?" "Look, can I apologise?" "Did you sleep with him?" "Not the way you think." "How do I think you slept with him?" "Ease up, he loves you." "Which one of us takes a hike?" "The bastard must have made it with her." "You should be glad he didn't make you pregnant." "She just let herself be knocked up by a stranger?" "Maybe she's in a relationship." "No relationship, past or present." "I'd never let such a girl slip through my fingers." "Blow me, developments or what?" "What's up with you?" "Just a bit queasy." "Too right, just have a puke!" "Why suffer?" "I'm at the end of my tether." "He totally ignores me." "Got another silly cow, for sure." "No way." "You're the only one." "l'm a cow." "Thanks." "Two days back I had an empty flat." "Parents away and I asked him round, made some spaghetti and I took real trouble over it." "He just sent me a text message." "Hey!" "Come here!" "Jakub!" "You hear me?" "Ouuu!" "The tiger kept repeating as if in pain." "His head extended out even further." "Tracy's eyes immersed themselves into the eyes of that girl." "Both things, the cry and immersion occurred simultaneously." "Nobody has read to me forages." "This was the first time in fifteen years." "Hi." "Hello." "Have you a moment to spare?" "I call, you don't pick up." "I write, you don't respond." "I really don't know what to do." "I am truly sorry." "I've never told a girl I loved her before but Johana..." "Once upon a time, it all got lost." "Sorry, don't have the time." "Good afternoon!" "Good afternoon!" "Sit." "Two beers." "Two id's." "Nothing then." "Out then." "Two espressos then, please?" "Give me a kiss." "What?" "Move, here on my lips." "Stop gaping and do it." "Thank you." "My pleasure. lt's like kissing a bag of frozen peas." "Two espressos." "Thank you." "You think you can just fuck about with the lads?" "Do you know what the others in the class think about you?" "There were times when I'd give lots even for such a frosty kiss." "Do you know how you've ruined my life?" "And not only mine." "Hi, Margareta." "Good afternoon!" "Good afternoon!" "His parents are with him now." "All in all, there are seven of you, that's too many." "Couldn't at least Margareta go in?" "She's his girlfriend." "Come on then." "He was half asleep." "I don't even know he was aware I was there." "l won't bother with the cig." "What will happen now?" "A small plus would be if it was the lymphoblastic type." "In that case, there is a big chance of a complete recovery." "What is the lymphoblastic type?" "I've no idea." "I remember bugger all from what the woman doctor said." "I'll stay the fortnight here with Jakub." "You're sweet, but probably won't be necessary." "It will." "I won't leave him here all alone." "This was in the gate again." "ls it of any use?" "Yeah, sure, thanks." "What do girls do when they're down?" "The same logical things." "Shorten their hairand lengthen their nails." "They toddle off to commit suicide and return with a dog-pound puppy." "Or desperately make peace with those one cannot be reconciled with." "What do girls do when they're down?" "Nothing." "It's just that they have this terrible urge to vomit." "If you're drinking on top of pills you're a prat." "I don't want Havrlant to die." "Why doesn't some swine kick the bucket?" "Like Cogo." "Johana!" "Or Kasandra." "What?" "It's true!" "And Ondrej too could push up the daisies." "Be quiet." "For a start you're drunk," "and secondly you're blathering!" "Blathering, am I?" "You know how my mum died?" "You never told me, did you?" "You all think I'm a waste of time." "That's enough!" ""Berenika was keen to find out what it's like on the Afghan border." "She wanted her photos and her big story." "The police report claimed she was drugged up and fell out of a car." "But she wasn't on drugs, we didn't have any drugs." "Johana, they killed her."" "We don't have to beat around in order that I publish it." "You mean my diary?" "Johana Rubinova the author, right?" ""My naked diary"." "But you'll have rake in it a bit." "Rake in it?" "Like Havrlant wouldn't have to die." "I should write that he's hunky-dory?" "Do I understand that right?" "Look, Havrlant is a literary figure." "I wrote it the way it happened and I won't alter a thing." "Then I don't get why you don't stick to reality elsewhere." "For example, when you write that we kissed in that pear-tree alley." "That wasn't you but a literary figure." "So, you kissed." "is that a tragedy?" "Smooching with a teacher belongs to the genre." "Libor, for the first time in your life you're part of literature, so, take it as a man." "That rattling was the exhaust." "It'll probably fall off." "Give it here, move." "What?" "l meant, please give it to me." "You mutt, if I didn't like you so much..." "You put it down as well." "l am pregnant, not ill." "Sit down and enjoy it." "Don't smoke!" "Look, Sabina..." "Have you ever thought that you can have kids but dad can't?" "In which case, where did you come from?" "Dropped in from Mars?" "My dad isn't my dad." "And whose dad is he?" "Like, he is my dad, but not my..." "Producer." "Producer?" "Mahmood." "What you dragging in here?" "It's full of dust." "Wait..." "This is it." "A definite two." "Bohous, could you inform Johana what happened on 2 June 1989?" "Unrest in China." "Apart from that?" "Didn't you bring your wife and daughterfrom the maternity ward?" "lt's possible." "lt's certain." "Look." "Doesn't it seem strange to you that you were born on 24 April but came home from the maternity hospital a few weeks later?" "You spent some time in an incubator." "You, my dear Johana, were born in the seventh month." "Seventh month?" "Yes." "So, when you were conceived your mum was long back from Dubai." "is that true, dad?" "What is true?" "That I was born in the 7th month." "Damn!" "Why did you never tell me?" "It's all the same whether you were born in the seventh or twelfth month." "Main thing is you're healthy, right?" "Where is the other milk?" "I bought two bottles of milk." "lt's not all the same!" "Don't piss me off!" "Don't scream at each other." "Listen, girlie, and you too!" "You two are the only thing I have in the entire world." "So tell me where the other milk is." "Logically, in the fridge." "Once upon a time, it all got lost." "Sorry." "Thank you." "lt's your dad, no fear." "I don't get it." "I can't stand garlic." "You must take after your mum." "In the 6th grade we wrote an essay on the subject of "Me and my mum"." "I wrote then:" ""l've got a mum flat on a photo." "She keeps smiling and forevershe will look like a princess from One Thousand and One Nights." "Whenever she finds time for me I can tell her absolutely everything." "But most of the time I don't tell her anything."" "Well, and that's about it." "You expected a happy-end?" "Havrlant miraculously recovered?" "Ondrej stopped being a rat and that I became best of mates with Kasandra?" "That Andy and Vector had a fling at long last?" "That the evil Mr. Valenga becomes the ideal grand-dad?" "That my mum, Saba, becomes pregnant and I'll end up with a sis or bro?" "Well now, it all might be sweet but in real life it's usually not that simple." "Incidentally almost I became a writer." "I leaf through the book with the pages still smelling fresh and nearly don't recognise my words." "And I am a bit ashamed." "Johana!" "Doing the washing!" "But I'm no longer afraid." "I know that the only people I have in the world are close by, even though I don't hear the quiet tapping into a keyboard." "Loads of things are different." "It's still me, but altered." "Even the downers are not what they used to be." "MY NAKED diary" "Ms. Johana Rubinova?" "Take some id with you!" "Thanks." "lD card." "Thank you."