"I couldn't possibly eat another bite." "I need something sweet." "Does anyone wanna watch TV?" "Yeah, sure." "Monica your remote doesn't work." "Phoebe, you have to lift it and point." "Oh." "Aw, forget it." "Yeah, you know what we should all do?" "We should play that game where everyone says one thing that they're thankful for." "Ooh-ooh, I!" "I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having." "That's very nice. / That's sweet, Joey." "Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up." "Oh!" "Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note:" "Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs." "That and spandex." "J )" "I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering." "I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material!" "And the way they play with your mind!" "Is it there?" "Is it not there?" "Are you aware that you're still talking?" "Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?" "Huh, I don't know what to pick." "Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction?" "Hmm." "Wow!" "See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything." "I'm sorry." "It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever." "No-no-no!" "I am the king of bad Thanksgivings." "You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me." "Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you?" "Oh God, no." "Oh, come on!" "I wanna hear it!" "It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out!" "It's a tradition, like the parade." "If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family." "Thanksgiving 1978" "Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you." "It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me." "More turkey Mr. Chandler?" "You're right." "Yours is worse." "You are the king of bad Thanksgivings." "I don't know about that." "I've got one that's worse." "Really?" "Worse than, "More turkey Mr. Chandler?"" "Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler?" "Yes, mine's worse!" "Thanksgiving 1862" "More bandages!" "More bandages!" "Please, can I get some more bandages in here!" "This man is dying" " Oh no." "In this life, Phoebe." "Oh, this life!" "Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse." "Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that!" "I don't have any past life memories." "Of course you don't sweetie." "You're brand new." "I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving." "Oh, let's not tell this story." "Oh, come on!" "Oh no, I know!" "I know!" "It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!" "What?" "!" "Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?" "!" "Hey, it's not like it sounds." "It's exactly like it sounds." "Thanksgiving 1992" "Hello?" "./ Hello?" "Phoebe?" " Joey?" "What's going on?" "Look. / Oh my God!" "I know!" "It's stuck!" "Easy." "Step." "How did it get on?" "I put it on to scare Chandler!" "Oh my God!" "Monica's gonna totally freak out!" "Well then help me get it off!" "Plus, it smells really bad in here." "Well, of course it smells really bad." "You have your head up a dead animal's ass." "Hey!" " Hey!" "Hey, did you get the turkey basted-Oh my God!" "Oh my God!" "Who is that?" "It's Joey." "What-what are you doing?" "Is this supposed to be funny?" "No, it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be scary." "Well, get it off now!" "I can't!" "It-it's stuck!" "Well, I don't care!" "That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!" "All right, hold on!" "Okay, let's just all think." "Okay, I got it." "Phoebe?" "All right, you pull." "I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can." "Joey?" "Now is not the time!" "Sorry!" "Sorry." "Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3!" "Arghhhhhh!" "It worked!" "I scared ya, I knew it!" "Ha-ha!" "I'm over here big guy." "I scared you!" "You did look like an idiot." "Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot." "All right?" "Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?"" "Yeah that's the same." "That's it." "That's my worse Thanksgiving." "Oh wait!" "That can't be the one Rachel's talking about." "She didn't even know that happened." "So which one was it?" "Which one?" "Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story." "Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about." "Y'know, for me anyway." "And of course, the Indians." "Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!" "Monica!" "I think Rachel's here!" "I'll get it!" "Happy" "Thanksgiving!" "Not for me." "Chip and I broke up!" "Oh, why?" "Why?" "What happened?" "Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over¡¦" "Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower." "Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?" "!" "It really creeps me out when you call it that!" "Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness." "Believe me!" "Hi!" " Hi Rachel!" "Happy Thanksgiving!" "You too sweethart!" "Hey!" " Oh my!" "Uh, everyone, this is Chandler!" "My roommate and lead singer of our band!" "Ross!" "Oh, this is Monica." "Hi, I'm Ross's little sister. / Okay." "I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry." "Oh, mom." "Mom." "Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food." "Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then." "Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner." "Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in." "dammit!" "So uh, Rach?" "Does it, does it feel weird around here now?" "Y'know since I've been away at college." "Oh!" "No, not really." "Well, that's cool." "So did¡¦" "Ugh!" "I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson." "I am never going out with him again." "I don't care how much he begs!" "I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson." "Y'know what?" "I've just had it with high school boys!" "They are just silly." "Silly, stupid boys!" "I'm going to start dating men!" "Umm, I'm sorry Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for." "Call them mom and dad you loser!" "Monica!" "Hey Chandler!" "Did you like the macaroni and cheese?" "Oh yeah, it was great." "You should be a chef." "Okay!" "Guess what?" "!" "All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight!" "Oh that's so great!" " I know!" "Oh gosh, listen if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything." "Oh totally, totally." "Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know." "I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it!" "I know, I know." "And oh, and this time Chip promised that-that this time it will last at least for an entire song!" "So I'm thinking about asking Rachel out tonight." "Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week." "Emotional Knapsack?" " Yeah." "Right on!" "Oh!" "Uh, but, don't take to long okay?" "'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez." "Listen, Roland Chang, if things go well, I'm gonna be out with her all night." "Dude, don't do that too me!" "All right, it's cool you can stay here." "My parents won't mind." "No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister. / Hey!" "Monica, why don't you finish off these pies?" "I don't have any more ?" "roomleftin thefridge." "No." "No, thank you!" "Well Judy, you did it!" "She's finally full!" "I called you fat?" "!" "I don't even remember that!" " Well, I do." "I am so sorry." "I really am." "I was an idiot back then." "I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!" "Oh, I can't believe you called her fat." "I can't believe you let George Michael slap you." "I am really sorry." "That is so terrible." "I am so, so sorry." "Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about." "Yes, it was!" "No, it wasn't." "It was actually the¡¦" "Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas." "Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?" "!" "Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story!" "We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story!" "Fine, all right, mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but y'know whatever." "Thanksgiving 1988So Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again." "Oh, yeah, I had too." "There was never any parking by the Psychology building." "Hi Rachel. / Oh hi!" "Wow, love your new nose!" " Jack." "What?" "Dr. Wilson's an artist!" "He removed my mole cluster." "Wanna see?" "I'll get it. / No, God!" "Please, let me!" "Hey!" " Hey." "Happy Thanksgiving!" "God, your hair sure is different!" "Yeah, we were just talking about that." "I can't believe how stupid we used to look." "So uh, where's Monica?" "She's upstairs." "Monica!" "Come down!" "Everyone's here!" "Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving." "Hi, Chandler." "Oh my God!" "What-what's the matter?" "Is there, is there something on my dress?" "You just, you look so different!" "Terrific!" "That dress!" "That body!" "Dude!" " Sorry!" "Yes, yes Monica is thin." "It's wonderful." "But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend." "Oh mom!" "Okay, umm, her name is Carol." "And she's really pretty." "And smart." "And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team.Can you believe it?" "She plays for both teams!" "So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner." "Dude!" " Sorry." "Oh-ho, my God!" "That was so awesome!" "You totally got him back for calling you fat!" "He was just drooling all over you." "That must've felt so great!" "Well it didn't!" " What?" "!" "Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great." "Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore!" "Blah, blah, blah!" "Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know?" "I just want to humiliate him." "I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!" "Okay, that we may be able to do. / How?" "Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex." "What?" "!" "I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!" "Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it." "Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him!" "You're just gonna make him think that you are." "Yeah. / Yeah." "And when he's naked I can throw him out in the front yard and lock the door and all the neighbors will just humiliate him!" "Then, you will definitely get him back!" "Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have sex with him?" "Okay, oh, here's what you do." "Just act like everything around you turns you on." "What do you mean?" "Well, like anything can be sexy." "Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel!" "Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek!" "And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it." "Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him." "I can do that!" "Yeah?" "Okay!" "Good, good, because he's coming." "He's coming." "Hey, what's up?" "Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year." "Umm, I'd love too!" "Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese." "I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek." "Okay. / Boy, I love carrots!" "Oh!" "Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm," "I-I like to pick up this knife and-and umm," "I-I put the cold steal against umm, my body." "Are you all right?" "Oh yeah, of course." "I'm fine it's just that" "What do we got here?" "Twenty year old has got a severed toe on his right foot." "Can you please not do that feet first?" "You know where his injury is!" "Severed toe, you just said it!" "It says here that the knife went right through your shoe." "Of course it did." "They're made of wicker." "Did you bring the toe?" "Oh yes!" "I have it right here, on ice!" "Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and" "What?" "!" "What is it?" "You brought a carrot." "What?" "This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot." "You brought a carrot?" "!" "Oh my God!" "There's a toe in my kitchen." "God, I'm sorry!" "I'll go back and get it!" "It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound." "Without my toe?" "!" "I need my toe!" "Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast!" "Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche!" "Oh, I'm not falling for that one!" "That's why I lost my toe?" "!" "Because I called you fat?" "!" "I didn't mean to cut it off." "It was an accident." "That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?" "!" "I'm sorry!" "It wasn't your whole toe!" "Yeah, well, I miss the tip!" "It's the best part." "It has the nail." "Chandler!" "Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that." "You're a dork." "I can't believe this." "Chandler, I said I was sorry." "Yeah, well, sorry doesn't bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home!" "I hate this stupid day!" "And everything about it!" "I'll see you later." "Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do?" "Anything?" "Yeah, just leave me alone for a while." "Oh-oh, I'm a duck!" "I go, "Quack, quack!" I'm happy all the time!" "Nice try." "Wait, wait, wait!" "Look, Monica¡¦ / Look!" "This is not going to work." "I bet this will work!" "You are so great!" "I love you!" "What?" "Nothing!" "I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!" "You said you loved me!" "I can't believe this!" "No I didn't!" "Yes, you did!" "No I didn't!" "You love me!" "No I don't!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Thanksgiving 1915" "Gauze!" "Gauze!" "I need to get some gauze in here!" "Can I please get some gauze in here!" "Whew!" "This is getting ridiculous uh!" "This is getting ridiculous uh!"