"you gave up that kid." "I am that kid." "Cate Cassidy-- that's your mom." "I am Cate Cassidy." "Ryan and I have up since 5:00." "And as usual, arguing since 6:00." "What are you doing?" "Will you marry me?" "I am not granting you emancipation." "I'm releasing you back into their temporary joint custody." "The rent for the bar." "Dad," "I know I'm late this month, but I will get you the money." "Well, it's a collector's item." "Belonged to Jerry Garcia." "How much?" "I could give you a good deal." "What's this?" "It's what's most important, right?" "Rent for the bar from Baze." "I know what you did." "You paid my rent, and I'm going to pay you back every penny." "Okay,sowhatyou 'resayingis if a guy is 30 and single, he has standards, but if a woman is 30 and single, she has issues." "No, that's not what I'm saying." "What I'm saying is that all women in their 30s have issues." "Oh......single or not." "Hey, hey, hey, look at Alice, back from vacation." "Hey, leave me out of this." "No, no, Alice is married." "She's just as screwed up as you are." "I take offense to that." "And, and marriage-- it's hard, okay?" "The responsibilities, the monotony." "The lack of sex." "No comment." "Pathetic." "What?" "My bank account." "Oh, join the club." "Y-You still owe me two weeks' worth of paychecks." "Dude, we have got to figure out a way to get butts on these barstools." "My own daughter raided her savings to cover our rent." "Yeah, otherwise, we'd both be out of a job." "Lux-- she even sold the bong lamp." "The bong lamp, t h-the bong lamp that you gave her?" "Mm-hmm." "She loved the bong lamp." "I loved that bong lamp." "That was a great bong lamp." "Stop saying "bong lamp."" "We all loved the bong lamp." "It's gone." "I was thinking:" "what if we got one of those bulls?" "I'm sorry." "What?" "Like they've got in the Western bars." "They try to throw you; you try to stay on." "Big crowd-pleaser." "Hmm, yeah, in Amarillo." "Let's, let's just say that you single people-- you don't know how easy you have it." "Oh..." "Oh, come on." "You've got to be kidding me." "Cate has it easy." "She dates so often, she hasn't paid for her own dinner since the late '90s." "Oh, my God, you're just bitter because you're buying too many dinners and not enough breakfasts." "Oh, please." "And come on, you know it." "Dating-- it is the worst." "The small talk, the body parts." "The small body parts you don't want to talk about." "Whoa, what is this site?" "Was Math... was Math using my computer?" "Oh, please tell me it's not his weirdo lit-porn." "Remember that one?" "Uh, Hot Girls for Deep Dickens?" "No, it's not porn." "It's Cate." "It's like her home page." "Man, the high school crush lives on." "We have got to get that guy laid." "What in the hell is an ad for Garrett's doing on her Web site?" "Across-the-street Garrett's?" "Yes." ""Drink-a-Date with Cate and Ryan, sponsored by K-100."" "Cate and Ryan." "Cate and Ryan." "Why-- so, so why would they go to a place across the street when my place is right here?" "So that guy gets to rake it in at Drink-a-Date?" "K-100's Drink-a-Date tomorrow night is going to rock." "Imagine combining speed dating and speed drinking, hosted by us." "Yes, we will be providing the beer goggles and the beer." "Really?" "I can't believe your parents just let you bum around San Francisco all summer." "Mine were making me take an S. A.T. prep course." "Yeah, what a waste." "Didn't your score go down, like, ten points?" "Yeah." "So is that where you met Jerry Garcia and got his bong lamp?" "Uh... yeah." "You mean my bong lamp, soon to be Jones'." "He's going to flip when I give it to him for his birthday." "You better hope your parents don't find it or you'll be grounded for life." "That's why it's in my locker." "Okay, people." "Party's over." "Put away your phones." "Take out your books." "Hey, do you want to hang out tomorrow?" "Uh, sure." "You can sleep over if you want." "Wait, I thought I was sleeping over." "Well, you always spend the night." "It's Lux's turn." "If you want," "I'll pick you up on the way to school and you can leave your stuff in my car." "Okay." "Girls," "I assume you're discussing The Grapes of Wrath." "We'd all like to hear your thoughts." "Brynn Bukowski, report to Principal Dugan's office." "Brynn Bukowski to the principal's office." "Hey." "What's going on?" "Lux's social worker- she sent over her file." "Medical history:" "chicken pox, strep throat, ventricular septal defect." "Try English." "Lux, she had a hole in the heart." "She had all the surgeries when she was little." "That's why she never got adopted." "Oh,look." "She had braces." "You know, I had braces, too." "Mm, that's a great story." "You should save it for air." "Mm." "Oh, look." "A hand wreath." "Oh, my God, look." "It's a letter to Santa." "December 24, 2001." "That makes her what?" "Eight." ""DearSanta," ""I want one thing for Christmas this year." ""I asked for it last year" ""and the year before." ""Have you not gotten my letters?" ""I want..." ""I want one mom and one dad." ""My mom should be pretty, funny, smart, and cook."" "Well, three out of four ain't bad." "Oh, I like to cook." "Oh, right." "You just suck at it." ""Mydadwouldbenice ..." ""and have an important job" ""and lots of money." ""He could be famous, and he could buy a big house" ""with a dog" ""and my own bed." ""He would take me to Disney World." "That's the second thing I want for Christmas."" ""Maybe she could be famous, too." "Like a news reporter or a movie star."" "Radio deejay-- that is close." "It's closer than close." "I mean, if this is the perfect mom that she has always dreamed about, then..." "I am a complete loser." ""Loser" is a bit strong." "Let's just say there's room for improvement." "This guy she's describing-- that's not me." "What's Cate's dude's name?" "Ryan." "Why?" "No reason." "Why?" "Because he's some famous radio host and I'm the owner of a crappy dive bar that's about to go under?" "He can afford to take Lux to Disney World." "I can't even afford to take her to a Disney movie." "You could take her." "If she pays." "I'm guessing her perfect dad doesn't owe her three grand." "I got to figure out how to get the money and pay her back." "Lux Cassidy to the principal's office." "Thank you for coming in, Mr. Bukowski." "Mrs. Bukowski." "Hopefully, next time I see you, it'll be under better circumstances." "Come in, Lux." "I'm sorry." "For what?" "Lux." "So, when you enrolled at Westmonte last week, you signed the school's ant i-drug policy, right?" "Yeah." "You know the severity of being caught with or selling drugs or drug paraphernalia?" "Yeah." "Why?" "This is Drink-a-Date, Cate." "It's not dinner at the White House." "I know, but I want to look good." "Okay, so what do you think of this one?" "Well... easy access." "I think I love it." "Be careful, please." "Someone could see us." "There's, like, one person here." "Come on." "No!" "Oh, my God." "You're Ryan." "Ryan Thomas from K-100, right?" "Yeah, I sure am." "All right, so what do you think" "I have a better chance of pulling off, these high- waisted jeans or, like, the zip-up jumper?" "And you're Cate!" "Oh, my God, Cate Cassidy." "I wish you guys would wake up and realize you're perfect for each other." "I-I love you guys." "All of your banter and sexual tension." "It's not sexual." "It's just tension." "Yeah." "Yeah." "We seriously cannot get caught." "'Cause if she sees us, we're screwed." "Now, that is why the door is locked." "We're good." "Oh, my God." "Wait, wait." "It's Baze." "What?" "Just one..." "All right, listen, I really can't talk right now." "I'm just, I'm in the middle of something, okay?" "What?" "!" "Ourdaughterwassuspended for selling drug paraphernalia at school!" "It's not like you can actually smoke out of it." "I'm just saying." "I don't get it." "Why would you even sell that stupid thing to Brynn in the first place?" "I... needed the money." "For what?" "For drugs?" "No, it was not for drugs!" "She sold it for me, Cate." "Okay?" "She emptied her savings account to, uh, make my rent." "And when it still wasn't enough... she sold the bong lamp, too." "You paid the rent?" "On the bar?" "His bar?" "Th-That's how you ended up keeping it?" "Yeah." "I didn't know she was doing it." "And I am going to pay her back, every penny." "Enjoy lunch." "Thanks, kiddo." "I cannot believe this." "It's five days." "No big deal." "Ooh." "Hey, Cate." "What if Math and I home-school her?" "Would that... would that make you happy?" "You realize that this is, like, the opposite of funny, right?" "Yeah, I don't..." "I don't think he does." "Let me tell you something." "You're suspended." "This is gonna be on your permanent record." "It could affect the way your teachers perceive you, what college you get into..." "Eh!" "No one gives a crap about your high school rec..." "It's not gonna affect your life." "Says the bartender." "You know what?" "I will handle it." "I will go down to the school, and I will fix the situation." "Principal Dugan's still there." "She loved me." "IlovedNateBazile." "Not the best student." "That's for sure." "Great athlete." "And an all-around great guy." "Yeah, he's great." "Anyway..." "All the girls loved him." "All the guys wanted to be him." "Yeah, he is." "He's really terrific until you have a kid with him." "Okay, look, Principal Dugan, here's the thing." "I gave Lux up at birth, and Nate and I-- we just now got her back into our lives." "I know that what she did-- it was not right, but I guarantee that if you drop the suspension, it will not happen again." "Look, Cate, your daughter sold drug paraphernalia to another student." "Now if you'll excuse me..." "Oh, I know, I know, and it wasn't right, but she was doing it to help someone out." "Baze, in fact." "She used the money to pay the rent on his bar." "I brought you her social worker's file." "You can see for yourself that she's a good kid." "She's just had a really rough time." "She has been in and out of foster care, group homes, her whole life." "She's finally getting a fresh start at a new school, making friends." "And a suspension now, it could just set her back months." "Years even." "I understand, and I will think about it." "Excuse me, Cate." "Okay, well, can you just please... take the file with you?" "You can make a copy." "Please." "Just read it." "Mary, make a copy of Lux Cassidy's file, and give the original back to her mom." "Yeah, sure." "Cate did it." "Oh, yes." "Lux is un-suspended." "So she's Supermom, and I am a chronic screwup." "That's how this is rolling out." "Any luck on your Craigslist ad?" "Not one bite." "And it's a really great ad." "Check it out." ""Sort of like a New York loft, but not." "Hold your next event here."" "What?" "No, it's good." "Well, I'm trying." "Let me work on it." "No, no, no." "Okay, look, I'll do it." "Math has a tendency to get a little lost on the Web." "What's that supposed to mean?" "I don't know." "He doesn't get lost." "It's just all roads lead to Cate." "Hey." "Hey, did you see this?" "I mean, there's like a line halfway down the block." "It's always halfway down the block." "Meanwhile, we've got more guys behind the bar than we do in the bar." "I can't believe that that bar is hosting Cate's dumb event." "Like they need the money." "Hey, how much do you think an event like this is going to rake in, what, like, four, five K?" "Enough to pay Lux back, that's for sure." "Seriously, it's bad enough I have to be linked to Cate for all eternity." "Shouldn't I get something out of it?" "Dude, why don't you just quit your bitching and ask her." "Tell her you're going to host her next event." "You're not going to take "no" for an answer." "Are you sure Lux is asleep?" "Mm-hmm." "I'm positive." "Yeah?" "Uh-huh." "That's good, 'cause, um, those mom jeans-- they kind of turn me on." "They are not mom jeans." "They are high-waisted." "I don't know what to tell you." "What?" "Oh, my God." "Again?" "What?" "Hey, Cate." "It's Baze." "I'm sorry to call you so late." "I can't really talk right now." "I was wondering, what... what is the possibility of having an event for your station, you know, at my bar?" "Uh, yeah..." "No, no." "Why not?" "Well, first, because I'm the talent." "Okay, location-scouting dive bar events-- it isn't exactly in my job description." "Oh, but being a snot is?" "What does he want?" "Look, you just said it yourself." "You are the talent." "Hook me up." "Oh, my God, Baze, hook yourself up." "You're the one that everyone loves, right?" "Teenagers, principals." "Everybody but you apparently." "You know what?" "You don't need my help." "You want something, help yourself." "God, I hate her." "I hate her." "Dude, dude, look, look, look." "I need to get paid, okay?" "And if Cate won't get us a new event," "I say we take that one." "Those girls... they do look awfully young." "Hmm." "Okay, so we've been getting a lot of calls this morning about tonight's "Drink-A-Date" event." "Yes, and despite what it sounds like, you don't actually drink your date, people." "Unless you're Cate on a Friday, sitting on a couch, spooning a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc." "Okay, what is he doing here?" "Why are you talking to him?" "Who?" "That guy?" "Uh, yeah." "He just came through for us big-time." "Some anonymous caller- they tipped off the police." "Our Drink-A-Date venue-- it was raided and shut down last night for serving minors." "How great is this?" "His bar is right across the street from Garrett's." "We just-- we move the posters around, we're back in business." "Hey, so, um, FYI: that's Baze." "Hey..." "You turned them in, didn't you?" "Uh, who?" "Garrett's, for serving minors." "You're the anonymous caller." "Oh, I'm sorry." "You probably don't know what "anonymous" means." "Okay, fine." "I called the police." "So what?" "As an upstanding citizen of the city of Portland, I couldn't just ignore it." "I can't believe you." "Hey, I'm just heing myself." "Hey, Nic, have you seen Brynn?" "No, but merry Christmas." "Lux." "Hi, Brynn." "I was waiting for you this morning." "I have my stuff for tonight." "So boarding school, San Francisco, Jerry Garcia." "I don't get it." "You just made all that up?" "For no reason?" "Told you she was a head case, like her mom." "She was down here yesterday in case you missed it." "I guess she thought she could use your file and pathetic past to get you off the hook." "Wait." "So Cate brought this stuff down here and you copied it?" "Brynn, I can explain..." "What?" "Lying to my face when I was just trying to be your friend?" "I mean, that wasn't even Jerry Garcia's bong." "We Googled him." "He's dead." "Hey, you checked the deliveries, right?" "Three times." "All right, push the premium liquors." "I have got to rake it in tonight." "All right, I get it." "Hey, kiddo, what are you doing here?" "I though you were spending the night at Brynn's." "So did I." "I also thought I could trust Cate." "Guess not." "So, wait, what's happening?" "Change of plans." "I'm spending the night... permanently." "This is awesome." "I know." "Drinks are flying." "No, no, no, every single girl here is looking to get laid." "We got to get Math down here." "Wow, you really pulled this off." "Ah, thank you for your vote of confidence." "Hi." "So do you know if Lux got to Brynn's okay, 'cause I keep trying her cell phone, but she's not answering." "She never went." "She's, um, she's upstairs." "Wait, what?" "Why?" "What's she doing?" "Last time I checked, avoiding you and not talking." "Hey, come on." "We need you on stage." "Let's get this thing going." "Okay, one second." "Why?" "What did I do?" "Or alternatively, now." "Come on." "Helloooo, Portland!" "Thanks for coming out." "My cohost Cate is around here somewhere." "Unless of course, she already started drinking." "Hey, you guys remember last year's Drink-a-Date?" "We almost had to rename it "Drunk-As-Cate."" "This year we are offering a date with Cate." "At the end of the night we will draw a name out of the top hat and one lucky guy will win a date with Cate." "Of course, who knows where that could lead, except maybe, I don't know, couples' therapy?" "And for all you single ladies out there... you guys can also win a date with Ryan." "But I use the term "win" loosely." "Now come on." "Let's get the party started, shall we?" "And the drinks flowing." "So okay, here's the drill, people." "Everybody get a drink, find a person." "If you like 'em, nurse your drink." "And if you don't like 'em, just down it and come on up to the stage." "We will set you up with someone else." "People get a lot better-looking as the night goes on." "Isn't that how Alice met her husband?" "I think it is." "Yeah." "Hey, so we got a couple great guys behind the bar." "Baze and Jamie." "They will be happy to help you out and hook you up." "In the meantime, let's get dating!" "You believe this guy?" "Huh?" "The nerve?" "Huh?" "It's like, what, he's some big-shot radio host and I'm what, you know, struggling, lowly..." "Bartender?" "Exactly." "Okay, major party foul." "Way too early, but someone just puked in the girls' bathroom." "Ew." "Yes!" "Golly." "For those of you vying for a date with Cate, uh, I advise you to, um, enter at your own risk." "Oh, two more!" "Three." "And they keep coming!" "What are we drinking, sweetheart?" "We're working." "So, double vodka on the rocks?" "Perfect." "So, you gonna nurse it or down it?" "Oh, I'm married." "With stepkids." "Ooh, okay, I'm out." "Hey, what are we drinking, sweetheart?" "And how ya'll doing out there tonight, Portland?" "I hope everybody's having better luck than Cate." "I'll tell ya, she is so single, she just did a body shot off of herself." "Thank you." "Sorry." "That's okay." "Hey, Cate." "Hi." "Can I, um..." "You know what?" "I'm so sorry," "I have to find Lux." "Buy you a drink?" "Yeah, what?" "Beer, Baze, please?" "What's with the attitude?" "There's no attitude." "I'm just a bartender, you know, tending bar and cleaning up bathrooms." "We can't all be you:" "A nice guy with an important job and money for a trip to Disney World." "What, are you drinking your tips tonight?" "Look, I don't know what kind of complex you're drumming up for yourself, but look around, all right?" "You've got more than you think." "Yeah, a bar I can barely afford and a kid I owe money to, yeah." "What are you, a jackass?" "Your kid just threw down her life savings for you." "I mean, she must think something of you to do that." "Is pity something?" "She feels sorry for me, Ryan." "Well, you know what, I feel sorry for Cate because she's out there busting her butt to be a great mom." "You just do nothing but sit back and be the good guy and Lux runs here." "If you really want to be a father, just start acting like one." "Idon'tunderstand." "What happened?" "You." "You happened." "Casey copied my file and spread it around." "How'd you even get that anyway?" "Fern." "She sent it over." "I was just trying to help." "I don't want your help." "I didn't want to go to that school." "I didn't want to get un-suspended." "And now, thanks to you, the whole school knows everything about me." "And they all think that I'm this gigantic liar." "Wait." "Why?" "Lux, why?" "Because I lied." "Okay, Lux, I had no idea that that letter was gonna get out." "I'm sorry." "But look, you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of." "I mean, I don't..." "I don't know why you would lie." "Well, why do you?" "About dating Ryan?" "The whole event down there is a lie." "Your whole persona." "Okay, I know that right now this seems like a really big deal." "And I am not saying that it isn't, but that letter, that letter was sweet." "And anyone who reads it would see that." "It's not sweet." "It's sad." "While other kids were asking for PlayStations and Barbie Dream Houses," "I was asking for parents." "Right, which is understandable because that is what you wanted." "Right." "But no one wanted me." "And now the whole school knows that." "Lux..." "No!" "Don't you understand what I'm saying?" "Not a single person ever in 16 years wanted me." "Out of all the foster homes, out of all the parents that stood outside that chain-linked fence and watched us play, like, like we didn't know what was going on." "They picked out kids like we were puppies... or cars." "No one ever chose me." "Including you." "So, don't tell me that this isn't a big deal or that you understand how I feel because you don't." "Okay, Lux..." "Okay, everyone, time to pull two lucky names..." "Wait, Lux, please, Lux, wait." "I do." "I understand." "No, no!" "I do understand." "No, you don't." "How would you feel if everyone knew your secret?" "If everyone knew you'd been lying?" "And the winner for a date with Cate is..." "Hey, hey, Portland!" "How we doing?" "Having a good time tonight?" "Crossing your fingers for a date with Cate or Ryan, your two favorite single radio hosts?" "Well, actually... they're not single." "Raise your glass, everyone." "Congratulations are in order." "They're engaged." "To each other." "This is bad." "For you, for the show." "For me." "Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad." "It's bad." "We get it." "My kids, they're monsters and they wouldn't pull a stunt like that." "Should we go get Lux?" "I gotta drop you guys off." "No, she wants to stay." "Just let her stay." "Can't sleep either?" "Yeah." "No." "You okay?" "Yeah?" "No?" "Maybe just no." "You saw the look on Cate's face." "After I outed her." "I know." "And I know you." "I think in the past, when things got rough, you'd take off." "That's your M.O., right?" "You bail?" "But I can't let you hide out because you're mad at Cate." "What am I supposed to do?" "Well..." "I guess you gotta work things out with her." "You can stay tonight, but first thing in the morning, you gotta go." "Come on." "Hey." "Hey." "Uh, I didn't expect to see you here, but, um, I did want to talk to you." "About last night." "About what happened." "Me too." "Yeah, I was up all night thinking about it." "Um..." "I just don't know how many more times I can say that I'm trying." "You know, I can only do what I think is right." "I didn't out you on purpose." "I didn't Xerox your letter." "I didn't stick it on your locker." "That wasn't me." "But last night you grabbed that mic on purpose and this is my career and Ryan's and I just don't know if..." "Don't know if what?" "Don't know what, Cate?" "I can't do this, Lux." "I mean, not this way." "This isn't working." "I don't know what else to say to you that I haven't already said." "Look, I know that you've been through a lot in your life, and I have a lot to learn about being with you." "But right now," "I don't know how to do this any better than I'm doing it." "You know, and even with all that, you still keep pushing me away." "You keep leaving." "I mean, it just feels like ever since you got here all you've done is leave." "And if you don't want to be with me..." "You know, we can call Fern." "We can get Baze approved." "We can find you someone else." "We will figure it out." "Because..." "I'm just..." "I'm not a perfect mom." "You know, this is my best and so at some point... you know, you're just gonna have to take it or leave it." "It's up to you." "So, not only did you recently lie about having a kid, you've actually been lying about dating Ryan for years!" "Hey, hey, Ryan lied too, okay?" "Why is everyone just targeting me?" "Easy target." "You're a girl in your 30s with issues." "Oh, okay, so, um... the official count so far is... 286 people who hate me." "Four who feel only mild disdain." "But there is one person out there that loves us together." "Hmm, yeah, well, I don't count." "See, people, with lines like that, how could I resist?" "And we are going to be right back after a word from "Jimmy Dries" the Carpet Guy." "You need a new carpet?" "Ugh, whatever, just buy one." "How bad is this?" "I mean, people are going crazy." "Ugh, we've been on the receiving end all morning." "No, I mean, you guys, the phones, they're ringing off the hook." "And as long as people are calling in, it doesn't matter if they love you or love to hate you." "It's good." "You know, saw you and Lux talking outside." "What happened?" "I gave her an ultimatum." "If she doesn't come home, you can make that tally number 287." "I'll hate me, too." "I know what it's like." "To feel like the odd person out." "Like... you're the one that got picked last in gym or... music stopped and you're the only one that didn't get a chair." "Or in your case, a parent." "I was gonna ask her out." "Cate." "To the winter formal." "Junior year." "For five days straight, every day in U.S. History," "I'd try to get up the nerve." "And finally, right when I was about to ask," "Frankie Palladino beat me to it." "Even gave her a rose, the whole shebang." "And then at the formal, he ditched her." "She should've gone with you." "Ah, then she wouldn't have ended up with Baze that night." "Which means, there wouldn't have been a you." "Mm?" "Yeah." "See?" "Good things happen in really messe d-up ways sometimes." "And... when Cate came here the other day, she was trying to do a good thing." "I know." "I know it wasn't her fault." "Actually, it was mine." "If I hadn't done what I did..." "Now... it's all messed up." "Everything in life, it all comes down to one thing." "No one wants to be rejected." "You got to know, you're not the only one who doesn't feel wanted, Lux." "Hey, I got you something." "To cheer you up." "I gave it to Baze, and he'll drop it off for you." "Would you do something for me?" "In return?" "Okay." "Read me the rest of this." "What?" "No." "Why?" "Because the answer to what you should do... it's in there." ""So, Santa, if you can't find" ""a perfect mom and dad... that's okay."" ""I'mnotperfecteither." ""I hate peas." ""I don't like presents under the tree, because what I want won't fit in a box."" "I don't know why I even picked her up dinner." "I called home 50 times." "She's not answering." "She'll be there, Cate." "But what if she's not?" "Then I will." "You know, there's one good thing about being outed." "Hmm?" "This." ""Iwantparents." ""Two parents." ""They don't always have to say stuff right" ""and do stuff right." ""It's okay if they don't." ""They just have to be nice people who will try." "âT?" "âT?" ""Santa, please tell them" ""that I'm here." ""I'm waiting for them... and I love them already."" ""So if there are two people out there for me,"