"Leningrad's Order of Lenin "LENFILM" Studio" "OLD KHOTTABYCH" "Based on the story by L. LAGIN" "Written by L. LAGIN" "Directed by G. KAZANSKY" "Director of Photography M. SHURUKOV" "Production Designers I. KAPLAN, B. MANEVICH" "Music by Nadezhda SIMONYAN Sound by G. ELBERT" "Cast:" "Khottabych" " N. VOLKOV" "Volka" " Alyosha LITVINOV Zhenya" " Genya KHUDYAKOV" "Gogha" " Lyova KOVALCHUK" "Varvara Stepanovna - O. CHERKASSOVA" "Volka's Mother" " M. BLINOVA Mukhammedov" " Ye." "KOPELYAN" "Doctor" " A. LARIKOV Gogha's Mother" " V. ROMANOVA" " Volka!" "I'm going!" " Wait for me!" "Come on, Volka!" "Catch up with me!" "Just one more time, Zhenya!" "Zhenya!" "Look what I've found!" "Zhenya!" "It's heavy." "What if there's a treasure in it?" "Some old jewels of tremendous scientific importance?" "Their eyes will pop out at the History Museum when I bring them there." "I thank you, O wise and handsome youth!" "Are you... from the amateur talent group?" "I'm from this thrice accursed vessel." "Doesn't look like it." "The jug was small, and you're big, comparatively." "You don't believe me, wretch?" "O forgive me, my young saviour." "I'm not accustomed to having my word doubted." "By the command of Jirdis, king of the jinn," "I was immured in that vessel for being a disobedient and stubborn genie." "Gin... isn't that an American drink of some sort?" "Not a drink am I, O inquiring youth, but a powerful and fearless magician," "Hassan Abdurrahman ibn Khottab, that is the son of Khottab." "My shorts are not torn!" "A miracle!" "I don't consider such a trifle a miracle, that's just a child's play." "Pardon me, but I don't have the honor of knowing your name." "My name is Volka." "Volka?" "And the name of your honored father?" "Tell me the tenderest of his names, for the man who gave to the world such a noble offspring is indeed worthy of love." "His name is Alexei." "And the tenderest is Alyosha." "Alyosha..." "Know, then, O esteemed Volka ibn Alyosha, that from now on I will obey your every command, for you have released me from an imprisonment of a thousand years." "And my gratitude knows no limit." "So you are a genie?" "From Arabian Nights?" "Wow!" "It's great!" "I'm in a fix!" "I'm going to be late for my exam!" "You won't be late for your exam, O the most illustrious of all Volkas, and your knowledge will astound your teachers and your schoolmates." "I'm afraid it won't." "Honestly, I'll be lucky if I pass geography." "No genie knows more about geography than your loyal servant." "I'll tell you the answers to all the questions." "Just let your teachers not give you the highest praise!" "Why, I'll turn them into scabby jackals, into ugly, disgusting toads." "But, no, it won't come to that, for they will surely be impressed by your answers." "Thank you, but we Young Pioneers are against cheating." "We fight it in an organized manner." "Orga... organized..." "But I assure you, no one will hear me." "Hah!" "Varvara Stepanovna never misses a thing." "If I say no one will hear, then no one will hear!" "What I say to you will go straight from my respectful lips to your highly respected ears." "You won't even stop to think." "Your lips will open by themselves." "All right then!" "But you'll have to change your clothes." "Our fashions are a bit different here." "Dress up like my grandfather." "Wow!" "But your shoes?" "Corns, O most solicitous one!" "There's no better footwear for an old man with corns two thousand years old." "Well, what can you tell us about India, Kostylkov?" "The republic of India is one of the great states of Asia." "It is located on the Hindustan peninsula." "India is located almost on the earth's edge." "India is located almost on the earth's edge." "Edge?" "Edge!" "On the North and the West India is bounded by a country inhabited by bald people." "On the North and the West India is bounded by a country inhabited by bald people." "What's the matter?" "Have you got a toothache?" "Then keep your hands where they belong." "There goes your group, Sveta." "All your marks down." "What are you so happy about, Pill?" "Naturally, whenever someone's in trouble, that makes Pill happy." "Well, you're giving us the ancients' geographical views correctly." "But you know, of course, that the Earth is not flat, but round." "If the Earth were round..." "If the Earth were round... the water would flow off it and people would die of thirst." "The water would flow off it and people would die of thirst." "Actually the Earth is shaped like a flat disk and is washed on all sides by a great river called the ocean." "The Earth rests on six elephants, the elephants stand on a huge turtle." "That's what the world is like from the point of view of science." "Ancient science." "Not ancient science but the only correct science." "Not ancient science but the only correct science." "You are not quite well today." "You'd better come back on Monday." "What did you say, O esteemed one?" "What did you say, O esteemed one?" "Of course, he's ill." "Go home, Kostylkov." "Come back on Monday." "May I leave the room for a minute, Varvara Stepanovna?" "What did you mean by that nonsense?" "You almost ruined the showing for the whole group." "Are you sick?" "No." "I'll explain later." "If you're not sick, then you're a hoodlum, no less!" "I'm not." "We'll have you up before the group council." "Quiet, Zhenya, quiet!" "Why should I be quiet?" "It wasn't me who..." " You idiot!" " Idiot yourself!" "Zhenya!" "Zhenya..." "Well, most illustrious of pupils, did your answers astound your teachers and your schoolmates?" "They did." "But it seemed to me that that honored lady was not satisfied with the breadth of your knowledge." "Whatever made you think that, Hassan Khottabych?" "I'd as soon turn her into board on which butchers cut up the carcasses of sheep if I had not seen her pay you the highest tribute by accompanying you to the door of the classroom." " Peace be with her." " That's right." "Tell me, O Volka, who is that youth Zhenya who spoke to you so insolently?" "Oh, him!" "Wants to give me a dressing-down." "Please don't take offence, but I... er... me..." "I understand." "No one will see me in your dwelling." "Hey, looney!" "Who was that old geezer?" "Not geezer, but man." "That's a friend of my father's from Tashkent." "And I will go now to your father and tell him about your performance at the exam." "You'll have a long way to go." "My father's out of town." "Then I'll go to your mother, I'm not too proud." "You're not proud." "You're a rat!" "It's a long time since you've had it from me, Pill, eh?" "Hey, easy there." "Can't you take a joke?" "You're a real looney!" ""Bald people"!" "Ouch!" "Ouch!" "Accursed youth!" " Is that you, Khottabych?" " It is I, with your permission." "Where are you?" "On the bookcase, with your permission." "What did you get up there for?" "So that no one should step on my corn." "It still hurts." "That base youth..." " Which youth?" " The one you were talking to." "Oh, Pill." "That Pill stepped on my corn." "Contemptible youth!" "Liar, tell-tale." "The whole class is sick of him." "I don't know what to do about him." "Leave it to me, O Volka!" "Home already?" "Too much swimming again!" "Mom, let's eat." "I'm as hungry as a wolf." " Is dinner ready?" " Of course it is." "Come." " Don't go anywhere, you hear?" " I hear and I obey." "O, Gogha, called Pill," "I cast a small spell on you!" "And Varvara Stepanovna says to him:" ""What nonsense are you talking, fool?"" "And he answers:" ""From the viewpoint of science."" "What an idiot..." "What an..." "What's the matter with you?" "Oh, mommy!" "What is it, Gogha dear?" "I wanted to say that Volka..." "What's the matter, Gogha?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "She's alright." "He hasn't done anything to her yet." "Stupid!" "Hello!" " Is that you, Kostylkov?" " Yes, Varvara Stepanovna." "What's wrong with your voice?" "Nothing." "There's something wrong with our telephone." " How are you feeling?" " Fine!" "Zhenya Bogorad hasn't come home." "When did you see him last?" "If you find out where he is, inform me or his parents at once." "Will you?" "Goodbye." "Goodbye, Varvara Stepanovna." " Are you setting out on a journey?" " Yes, Zhenya's lost." "What if he's drowned?" "He was going swimming." " He's not drowned." " How do you know?" " Who should know if not I?" " Did you do something to him?" "I sent him far, far away in the East." "They've probably sold him into slavery there." "Now he may threaten you all he wants, O Volka!" "Oh!" "What have you done!" "Bring him back at once, do you understand?" "But then he will give you a dress... a dressing-down." "Let him!" "What an idea!" "Sending live people into slavery!" " Bring him back now!" " I hear and I obey." "Right away." "One more minute, O Volka... and your friend will be here." "Oh, woe is me." "Oh shame..." "Disgrace on this poor genie!" "A thousand years of idleness has had a ruinous effect on my powers." "I cannot return your friend Zhenya." "I've forgotten how." "I don't care if you've forgotten!" "You were able to make a slave of him, now bring him back!" "I wanted the best for you, O Volka!" "But there is a way." "What way?" "We can fly for your friend Zhenya on a magic carpet." " Let's fly then." "Hurry!" " Off we go!" "I've always wanted to fly on a magic carpet." "I've flown in ordinary airplanes, of course." "My mother will worry if I go off without telling her." "But if I tell her, she'll never let me go." "Don't worry about that, O the most prudent of all Volkas!" "I promise you, no one will give you a thought while we are away." "No, you don't know my mother." "And you don't know yet Hassan Abdurrahman ibn Khottab." "Cursed moths!" "I'm falling!" "Khottabych!" "At your service, O Volka ibn Alyosha." "I..." "I'm trying to remember how to lift the spell." " Do you want anything?" " I'll be killed!" "Oh, woe is me!" "Khottabych dear, please!" " And poor Zhenya all alone now." " Alone... alone..." " In a foreign land..." " Oh, in a foreign land..." " Without friends." " Without friends..." " At hard labour." " At hard labour..." "Moaning and groaning, poor thing." "Oh, moaning and groaning, poor thing..." "Oh, groaning, poor thing..." "Gee, I'm tired." "Are you hungry, boy?" "Do you like bananas?" "Thanks!" "Thank you, friends." "What's the matter with you, Khottabych?" "Oh, Khottabych, hold on!" "Here, this way..." "Here I am." "I've remembered how to lift the spell!" "Right away, O Volka, one minute, O illustrious one!" " Zhenya!" " Volka!" "It's you?" "Phew, it's damp." "Khottabych, go up above the clouds." "Listen, what are we flying on?" "It looks like a magic carpet." "It is a magic carpet!" " But magic carpets don't exist." " Oh yes, they do!" "Khottabych, what are you doing there?" "Oh, woe is me!" "My beard's wet!" "So what?" "We're in a bad way, Volka." "We'll hit the ground any minute now!" "And there'll be nothing left of us!" "My beard is wet and I'm powerless as a newborn baby." "For magic you need perfectly dry hair." "Wait, wait!" "The main thing is not to lose your head." "In balloons you throw ballast overboard in a case like that." "Goodbye, Indian bananas!" "It could have been worse." "Oh, we are ruined!" "We've landed in the palace of a powerful ruler." "And my beard is wet and I'm powerless." "Guards will appear right away and cut off our heads." "Oh, woe is me!" "Oh, shame!" "Allah!" "Oh, Allah!" "It's wet!" "Who is that old crank?" "Is he looney?" "Talking about rulers?" "That old man is a magician." " A real genie!" " Ah, come on!" "It was him who spoiled it all for me at the exam." " Really?" " Only keep quiet." "He's sworn to enchant the teachers if they fail me." "Say, friend, isn't that my towel?" "Have mercy on us, O powerful ruler!" "Cut my head off, but pity these poor youths." "Get up and don't talk nonsense." "I won't get up until this handsome and generous sultan promises to preserve your lives, O my young friends!" "Dear citizen, why call me names?" "Sultan!" "Why, I'm an ordinary Soviet man." "I'm a drilling technician, Jafar Ali Mukhammedov." "Do you know Baku?" "Do you know Bibi Eibat?" "Don't you read the newspapers?" "Why are you on your knees?" "It's humiliating and uncomfortable, friend." "Just a minute, comrade!" "Don't pay attention to the old man, he's not quite..." "And we're wet and tired." "Did you get caught in the rain, too, in the mountains?" "I came back wet through and through." "The old man may catch cold." "Friend, you look very familiar to me." "Are you from Baku?" "You look like my father." "Only my father is older." "He is 82." "Know, then, O powerful ruler, that I'm already three thousand seven hundred thirty two years old." "Certainly, friend, certainly." "But you are marvelously well-preserved." "You don't look a day over 75." "Come, friend, we'll have something to eat, get warm, rest up." "We're all sultans here, dear friend." "Whoever works is a sultan." "Drink your tea." "It'll make you warm." "I'm a sultan." "These boys' parents are also sultans." "Vassya here is a sultan, too." "Would you like to know why Vassya is a sultan?" "He's a distinguished miner." "Vassya Kazantsev, an innovator." " The beat hewer in the coal field." " Oh, cut it out, Jafar!" "Do you mean to say, O Jafar Ali ibn Mukhammed... that there are distinguished miners?" "Why do you laugh at me?" "You'll be telling me next that there're distinguished shepherds!" "There are..." "lots." "And distinguished shoemakers, tailors and weavers." "Why do you laugh?" "Get dry, then you'll see." "You'll spend the night here." "Now stick out your tongue." "Normal." "Pulse normal." "Heart excellent." " How are his bowels?" " Normal." "How long has this... barking been going on?" "Since yesterday." "Well, young man, tell us how it began." "With nothing at all." "I was telling Mom how Volka Kostylkov..." "Volka is the neighbors' boy." "Nothing much." "Go on." "I was telling Mom how that idiot Volka..." "You see, Doctor, it's horrible!" "Could it be... neuralgia?" "Perhaps you would prescribe some powders, or pills?" "Or perhaps he should have his bowels cleansed?" "Give me a little time to think it over, to read up a bit." "A very rare case, very rare indeed." "And so..." "Let him stay in bed a day or two." " Not go outside." " I see." "Let me see your tongue again." "A very rare case." "It's enough to make you cry." "You see?" "Khottabych, do you remember the book" "I was reading before we flew off?" "Do I remember the book that was worthy of your attention?" "You offend me, O the most precious one!" " Could we have it here now?" " Nothing easier." "Why are you up at so late an hour?" "I cannot fall asleep." "How sad..." "insomnia in so young a lad!" "Asleep." "O the most precious one!" "O the handsomest one!" "Light." "Dark." "Dark!" " How is your beard, Khottabych?" " Dried last night, O Volka!" "You see?" "If we could board that plane and be off to Moscow!" "That would be super!" "And the pajamas?" "We've taken away the sanatorium pajamas." "Oh, woe is me!" "Of course, that Mukhammedov must have gotten another package from Baku!" "Oh yes, sure..." "No one's paying any attention to us, as if we were here from the start." "A powerful old man." "There's nothing he can't do." "My uncle made this sea." " That sea?" " This sea." " Your uncle?" " My uncle." "Are you implying that you are Allah's nephew?" "My uncle is chief of a walking excavator." "He is digging a sea in Kuibyshev now." "Eh, illustrious one!" "I trusted you implicitly, and you lie to me so shamelessly." "Volka is telling the truth." "He even has a newspaper at home with a picture of his uncle in it." "I'll show you when we get home." "How swift and convenient is this air chariot." "Only it makes a little noise." "Can't help that." "It's the hum of the jet engines." "Can't help it?" "What did Khottabych pull out a hair for?" "What did you pull out a hair for?" " I only wanted, O precious..." " Make it short." " I only wanted, O Volka..." " Still shorter." "I wanted the noise to stop." "Is that short enough?" "Blockhead!" "Bring everything back as it was, or we'll all be killed!" " Did I..." " Explanations later." "In three seconds we'll crash!" "You... you..." "let everything..." "be as before!" "Tell me, O Volka, what does "blockhead" mean?" "It means something like..." "wise man." "Oh, if I could phone now!" " Why can't you?" " Look at that line." " Where's the slot?" " Not a slot, not a crack in it." "It is all made out of one piece of fine marble." "Is it marble inside too?" "Of course." "I never spare anything for my friends." "Come on, Zhenya, everything's clear." "Some designer!" " So there's nothing inside?" " Should there be anything?" "Come, Khottabych, let's not disgrace ourselves in public." "Don't be annoyed with me, O gracious one." "Would you like to have a plane?" "Out of one piece of marble?" "Such plane ought to be hauled by oxen." "Instead of reproaching me, you'd do better to explain how it is built." "That's not so easy, you have to know many subjects, and you don't even know how to read." "Then teach me all those sciences, O young blockhead!" "Who's a blockhead?" "You, of course, for you're wise beyond your years." "You know, don't call me blockhead any more, Khottabych." "I value your modesty, O Volka." "But will you teach me the sciences that give man such magic power over things?" "I don't know everything myself yet." "Teach me what you already know." "But you'll have to do your homework properly." "Agreed." "Zhenya, hurry, your mother's looking for you." "All right." "Volka, I'll be right back!" "Now I know what present to give you, O Volka!" "What do I want a present for?" "Lo and behold, O Volka!" "Wow!" "Just look at that!" "That is the finest of Caliph Haroun Al Rashid's palaces." "And who occupies it now?" "No one yet." "It belongs to you, O Volka." " To me?" " Yes!" "Let no one see this palace." " And let no one remember it." " Very well, O capricious one." "Look, O Volka!" "This palace belongs to the saviour of genies, unsurpassed in the knowledge of geography and other sciences, unexcelled in diving and swimming, the royal and young Pioneer Volka ibn Alyosha." "Glory to his name and the name of his fortunate parents." "Not much self-criticism here." "But that's not the point." " The sign will have to be changed." " Shall I cover it with diamonds?" "You must write: "This palace belongs to RONO" (Board of Education)" "Which RONO?" "Any one." "Better make it our Krasnaya Presnya RONO." "I don't know who RONO is." "He may be a worthy man." "But was it RONO who released me from a thousand years' imprisonment?" "No, it was not RONO." "It was you, O the most illustrious of all Volkas!" "The palace will belong to you and to no one else." " But don't you see..." " To you or to no one." "What do I want with that palace?" "I'm not a club, or a sanatorium, or an institution." "So you don't agree, O crystal of my soul?" "No, I don't." "Shall I give this to your RONO, too, O wealthiest of schoolboys?" "Who's wealthy?" "Me?" " Look, O Volka, this is all yours!" " What is?" "All these elephants, camels, horses, donkeys, and everything in those bags." "The people with the bags and animals belong to you, too." "Zhenya, come here!" "Oh, a zoo!" "What is it?" "Zhenya, only don't get scared." "I'm a slave owner!" "Are you off your head?" "And an elephant owner, and a camel owner." "And the owner of some riches." "What's in those bags?" "The most precious of goods." "Pepper, cinnamon." "Ginger, vanilla." "So that's why we're all sneezing." "A bag of pepper must have got torn, and we're sneezing." "Let the torn bag become whole again." "And let the spilled goods get back into it." "Spices are not a palace." "Spices need not belong to a club or a sanatorium." "Every household can use spices." "At last I found something to make you rich and happy." "What do I want with so much pepper and vanilla?" "I could use 100 grams, say." "And Zhenya, too." " The rest must be distributed." " Not distributed!" "Sold!" "You will have money, a great deal of money." "And money means fame, money means all the friends you want!" "Judge for yourself, Khottabych, who wants friends for money?" "Oh no, I'd rather die than become a speculator!" "Yes, better to die." "Let me try it on." "You forget that money gives the strongest power over men." " What do we want with power?" " We're not czars, or capitalists." "So you want me to give this away to your..." "RONO?" "No, RONO has nothing to do with that." "The best place to give such stuff to is the Gastronom (food shop)." "Uh-huh, that's where food goes." "No!" "No, do you hear me?" "No." "Neither to RONO, nor to Gastronom, nor to any other acquaintance of yours will I give these riches!" "O exalted one!" "And the slaves must be set free." "Naturally." "And the animals can go to the zoo." "It's all your Varvara Stepanovna's fault!" "It's she that has taught you not to accept my gifts." "She won't get away with it." "Why, I'll make her..." "Khottabych, you know what?" "Do us a favour!" "Let's go to the circus." " We want to go there so badly!" " Only you can help us!" "You're so powerful!" "The circus?" "What's that?" "Something like a sanatorium?" " It's a thousand times..." " A million times more interesting!" " Well, Khottabych?" " Please!" "But what about all this?" "Make it invisible." "We could use one camel." "Right, let's ride to the circus on a camel." "Please, nearer to the sidewalk, citizens!" "You must obey rules." "This way, please." "Comrade militiaman, I won't do it again." "Let us go, please." "It's the first time..." "They all say that." "You must obey rules." " Your name, please!" " Kostylkov." "He'll speak to him like a noble saviour of genies should!" "How dare you, base guard..." "How dare you, base guard, detain me in this precious hour of my outing?" "At last we hear words of dignity and courage." "I am the most distinguished youth in this city!" "I am the most distinguished youth in this city!" "All right, young man, let them figure it out at the station." "Rules must be obeyed!" "Don't listen to me, dear comrades." "It's not me talking." "He is making me talk." "Tremble!" "And don't make me lose my temper..." "Tremble!" "And don't make me lose my temper..." "For I'm terrible when angered!" "I swear by my beard!" "For I'm terrible when angered!" "I swear by my beard!" "That is his beard." "Folks, this child has fever." "Smoke is just coming from him!" "I'm terrible when angered!" "Move on, folks!" "Haven't you seen smoke coming from a boy before?" "Khottabych, let the camel vanish, and let us be in the circus." "Let everyone forget what happened here." "Intermission!" "I'll go home and study geography." "You stay here with Khottabych." "All of us should better go." "Varvara Stepanovna is here!" "Khottabych, let's go to town." "It's not interesting here today." "Come on, let's go." "No, I've never seen anything as interesting as this wonderful tent." "You may go." "I'll join you when the show is over." "Not for the world will we part with you." "O my kind young friends!" "We must use every free minute for our studies." "We will now learn the alphabet using this program." "With the greatest pleasure!" " This is the letter "A", understand?" " I understand, O Zhenya!" " What letter is this?" " The letter "A", O Zhenya." "Correct." "Find all the "A"s on this page." "Eskimo pies!" "Buy an Eskimo pie!" "Here, Khottabych, taste this." "It's good." "This tastes better than the most delicious sherbet." "Even at the court of King Suleiman ibn Daud" "I never ate anything so delicious." "Where are you hurrying, O charming maiden, with the face like a slice of the moon?" "I'll take the whole lot." "I'll come back for the tray." "Mar... mar-vels... of il-lu-sion-ist tech-nique." "You're awfully smart!" "What did you think?" "Never has there been a more talented genie!" "Group of jum... jumpers." "O, my young teachers!" "I've read the whole program." "Conjurer Afanasy Sidorelli!" "What is the cause of this noisy hand clapping, O Volka?" " Don't you see?" " Out of an empty box!" "Don't try to detain me, my friends!" "Enough!" "What is this?" "You're being deceived!" "You're being deceived." "This is not magic!" "This is ordinary sleight of hand!" "What sort of magic is this?" "What will you say now?" "Khottabych!" "Khottabych!" "Khottabych!" "What's the matter with you?" "You look terrible!" "Well?" "How was that?" "Better than Sidorelli, eh?" "What applause there was, eh?" "But you, O Volka, did not clap once." "Can you bring everybody back?" "Even he cannot do that!" "Er... you know what..." "I'm from the circus management." "Will you please come to the office with me?" "We offer you a tour of the Soviet Union." "You can make your own conditions." "Can't you see?" "He's ill." "He has high fever!" "I'll send a car for you at once." "The old man ate too much ice-cream." "The game starts in an hour." "Who cares about football now?" "We've got to make the old man well." "Khottabych dear, how do you feel?" "Yes, he's a swell old man." " I'll say he is!" " He's not to blame." "He tries for the best." "And if he only knew how much worry he causes us." "Now what has he got against Varvara Stepanovna?" "She's strict, but she's fair." "Yes, she's fair." " He ought to be re-educated." " Yes, his education's not so good." "But he's a good man, kind-hearted." "Listen, Zhenya, what if he dies?" "We must save him, cure him." "O my noble young friends..." "Close your eyes, Khottabych." "Try to sleep." "You need rest." "A sick man needs rest." "A sick man, yes, but not a sick genie." "If anyone feels sorry for a sick genie, he gets well at once." "Surely, you must know that from your scientific books." "I'm perfectly well." "You see?" "Go to the game with Khottabych, and I'll get down to my geography." "All right." "Khottabych, let's go to the football game." "Today is the final match between "Puck" and "Chisel"." "What is the meaning of the word 'match'?" "It's the most interesting thing in the world." " More interesting than the circus?" " At least as interesting." "Come." " What about Volka?" " I may join you later." " Come on." " Come, then." "Just a minute, O Zhenya." "Wait for me downstairs." "All right." "Barking?" "Yes, I can't stop." "Why do you ask?" "It was I who punished you for not being a friend to your schoolmates." "I admit my mistakes, I admit my mistakes!" "Remember, every time you open your mouth to say something nasty about someone, to tattle or gossip, nothing but a disgusting bark will come from your lips." "Don't say nasty things and you won't bark." "Understand?" "Oh, I do, I do!" "Now forget that I was here but remember your promise all your life." ""Chisel" is ahead!" "They'll beat "Puck" to a pulp!" "That remains to be seen." "Did you see that?" "Beat them!" "That's not so easy!" "Do you mean to say these young men will have to run about all the time and knock each other around just to push that stupid ball for a few seconds?" " Is that your work, Khottabych?" " Mine." "Surely each one will be pleased to have his own ball to play with." "Don't you understand, you strange man, the whole point of football is to..." "Oh, I see." "So I deprived the "Puck" team of a sure goal?" "Exactly!" " What an interesting game!" " You telling me!" "And does the esteemed Volka also like football?" "Very much!" "But he has urgent work to do today." "There is no work I would not gladly do for our good friend Volka." "I welcome you to the stadium, O peerless schoolboy!" "You cannot imagine, O Volka, how much I am to blame." "I deprived the "Puck" of a sure goal." "Shame on my gray hair!" "Khottabych, please widen the "Puck" goal area when "Chisel" aims for it." "What good will that do "Puck"?" "It will do "Chisel" good." "Hurray!" "A goal!" "Hurray!" "Listen, you'll certainly laugh at what I'm going to say." " The crossbar plays up to "Puck"." " What?" "!" "The crossbar jumped up and let the ball through." " Have you taken your temperature?" " Oh, lay off!" "No one will believe it, of course." " Did you see that now?" " I believe I did." " But no one will believe it." " They'll laugh at us." "You've mixed everything up!" "I asked you to help "Chisel"!" "I haven't mixed anything up, O stadium of my heart." "What does that mean?" "Zhenya and I are for "Chisel"." " Are you for "Puck"?" " Yes, I fear this is the case." "A goal!" "Mama!" " I'm coming, coming..." " 12-0." "Coming, Gogha, coming!" "Crazy man!" " Grind up "Chisel" for soap!" " Grind up "Chisel" for soap!" "17-0!" "Oh, mother!" "What treachery!" "Look what a fine team you are disgracing!" ""'Chisel' is an up and coming team."" ""'Chi-sel' be-gan the sea-son well." Interesting!" "Great!" "I'll read it later." "You have to choose:" "It's me or "Puck"." "But you're a fan yourself, O goalkeeper of my heart!" "Choose!" "I submissively await your command." "Let everyone realize that "Chisel" is not to blame for its defeat." "Let everyone forget this crazy match." "I hear and I obey." "Attention!" "In view of the fact that the entire "Chisel" team has suddenly caught the measles, the referees have decided to cancel the "Chisel-Puck" match until the "Chisel" team recovers." "The score of the first half is invalid." "See you next time, comrades!" "All the time I try to give you pleasure, O Volka, and all I do is make trouble for you." "I spoiled things for you at the exam." "Don't deny it." " Nothing of the sort!" " Oh yes, I did." "I know I did." "And then..." "Khottabych, let's have it out man to man." "I'm all attention, O Volka!" "Well, I'm sick and tired of your miracles." "You are a powerful genie, of course." "But you know about modern life less than a baby." " Is that clear?" " Alas, it is clear." "So when you want to perform a miracle, consult somebody first." "I'll consult you, O Volka." "And if you're absent or studying for your re-examination," "I'll consult Zhenya." " Do you swear?" " My word of honour as a Pioneer!" "Hello!" "You know what?" "At last I've found you!" "Please come with me at once to the circus for negotiations, or my head will come off." "Just let anyone try to tear off the head of so worthy a person as you!" "Go ahead, Khottabych." "You're just right for the circus." " I listen and I obey, O Volka!" " Fine!" "Only my work in the circus mustn't affect my studies." "You'll combine work with studies." "Right, young man." "You know what?" "Come on!" "I present Hassan Abdurrahman ibn Khottab!" "O, most precious one!" "Good, isn't it?" "My artistic direction!" " Bravo, Khottabych!" " Bravo!" "Age:" "Years and months." "3,732 years and 5 months." ""Orphan" begins with an "O", not an "A"." "Hassan Khottabych, sign here please." "There's a meeting of the conjurors' and fakirs' section tomorrow at four." "Sorry, I can't come, O esteemed one." "From four to six I study secondary school subjects under the guidance of my young friends." "I've made especial progress in geography." "Yesterday my wise teacher, Volka ibn Alyosha, passed his geography exam with an excellent mark!" "Way to go, guys!" "Khottabych, it's time for us to start our lesson." "Yes, it's four o'clock." "Right away, just one minute, O my strict teachers." "I dare not detain our highly esteemed audience any longer." "I must bid them farewell." "Goodbye, my dear friends!" "We will surely see many more fine miracles!" "The End"