"You know what makes me really mad?" "Racism?" "Classism?" "I don't know any more isms." "I didn't get the promotion." "They gave it to a guy, of course, who's been there half the time I have." "I bet he's only half as qualified too." "That's sexism. (Gasps)" "Another ism." "Gabi, I'm really upset." "Sofia, if you feel that way then you should just quit." " I did." " What?" "How are we gonna pay our bills?" "How are we gonna pay our rent?" "Hey, how about a little support for the girl who floated your rent when you were in Switzerland?" "Or who gave up cable so that you could have chef's knives?" "And who really needs a hug and a roll of cookie dough." "Oh, okay." "No, you know what?" "You're right." "It's gonna be fine." "Yeah, you quit your job." "(Theme music playing)" "♪ She's in the spotlight ♪" "♪ and she turned my head ♪" "♪ she'd run a red light ♪" "♪ cos she's bad like that ♪" "♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby, baby ♪" "Uh, hi." "Hey." "Gabi, how bout some coffee for these guys?" "I don't know if that's a good idea, they haven't blinked since I got here." "(Chuckles) They're probably just in the zone for their interview." "I'm hiring a paid intern to help me roll out my new app." "(Gasps) I know somebody who needs to get paid." "Sofia." "Gabi, these guys all have MBA's." "(Groans) Josh, I don't care about basketball." "I care about Sofia getting a job, okay?" "Will you please just interview her?" "You're putting me in a really awkward position." "Which I should be used to by now." "Just give her an interview." "You might be surprised." "I mean we are best friends but we are nothing alike." "Sold." "Have her here in an hour." "Thank you." "And if she's not the best interview you've ever had I will work for free." "No, went too far." "The point is, she will be great and you will still have to pay me." "Good day, sir." "Well, you're an adorable little red riding hood." "What a deep voice you have, Grandmother." "You know what, I'm not feeling this, it's weird." "My mother dropped off a kugel for you, 'cause she adores you." "(Sighs) I love that you and my mom get along." "So when the hell am I gonna meet your mother?" "Oh, is that a thing?" "That we have to do?" "What's going on?" "Are you embarrassed of me?" "Am I not good enough?" "Did you tell her I was Korean?" "It's not you, it's her." "My mom is crazy mean." "Like a short, Asian, Simon Cowell." "And I can be her Ryan Seacrest." "Don't worry, moms love me." "And we're gonna be family." "You have told her we're engaged?" "Gabi's the one that outed me to my parents." "Only a matter of time before she tells them this." "Elliot, if you don't call your mom and invite her over this weekend, you're not getting my kugel." "And I think you know what that means." "Oh, honey, you know you're not chopping anything, right?" "I'm pretending to work while Sofia finishes her interview with Josh." "(Laughs) I get it." "I'm pretending to be sober." " (Gasps excitedly)" " Hey, how'd it go?" "Crushed it!" "I could teach a class on crushing it." "But I'm gonna be too busy in my fancy new job where I will be crushing it." "Yeah!" "This is so great, we're gonna be working together." "It's gonna be just like when we were camp counselors, except with no pesky virginity to lose." "Yeah!" "Well, I am going to lunch with Ruben because, well," "I don't know." "I think he's about to drop the L-word." "(Gasps) I L-word the L-word." "Me too!" "This is the best day ever, thank you!" " Welcome." "Bye." " Bye." "Hey." "Isn't Sofia amazing?" "She's smart, she has a good head for business, she's clean." "You're right, she is all of those things." "But I'm gonna go with Dexter." "He's got a business degree from Stanford and in his spare time he researches artificial intelligence." "But Sofia's intelligence is real." "Gabi, look, I'm sorry." "I've made up my mind." "Do you want me to break the news to her?" "No, I'll do it when I get home." "It's better coming from a friend." "Wait, last question." "Is it possible that I could hire an intern?" "Hey, Sofia, I got something to tell you." "(Sobbing)" "No, no, no, he said I could tell you." "Wait, why would Ruben tell you to break up with me?" "'Cause he's a candy assed, little baby man." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "He dropped the L-word all right." ""Let go of my arm, Sofia." "It's over."" "God, I suck." "I've got no man, no job." "The only shred of hope I have left is if I get that job at Josh's." "Yeah, about that shred." "I didn't get it, did I?" "(Sobs, then yells)" "The only thing you blew..." "Was Josh's mind." "What do you mean?" "I mean you, uh..." " You, uh..." " I got the job?" "I got the job!" " (Gasps)" " It appears that way." "Oh, my God!" "Why didn't you text me earlier?" "'Cause I, wanted to see your face when you..." " You heard the news." " Thank God, I'm so happy!" "Thank you, this is unbelievable!" "It sure is." "Um..." "What are you doing?" "Oh, it's nine o'clock and I need it to be nine-thirty." "Uh..." "You know that's not how time works, huh?" "I know, but Sofia was so depressed when I got home last night," "I didn't have the heart to tell her she didn't get the internship, so," "I gotta get Josh out of here before she gets here for her fake first day." "Can you just play along until I figure out what to do?" "Please?" "I'll do anything." "Anything?" "Can I get that in writing?" "No, no, no." "Scratch that." "No paper trail." "Good morning." "Oh, hey Josh." "Listen, I packed your breakfast to go so you're not late for your meeting, goodbye." "Gabi, I'm fine." "The meeting's in an hour." "Oh, oh, ho-ho, really?" "Well, that clock must be broken because my watch says it's nine o' clock." "Oh, so I'm on time for work?" "Son of a bitch, my watch is broken." "Have Elliot fix this." " Okay, all right, good bye." " I'm gonna be late." "Hi!" "I'm here, at my job!" "And I brought coffee like you asked me to." "Okay, so where's Josh?" "Ah, you just missed him." "But, don't worry, he left me a list of things for you to get started on." "The first of which is to..." "Take pictures of everything in his office." "Oh. (Chuckles)" "Why?" "Why indeed." "In case there's a fire and he has to recreate everything in a second location, duh." "Oh, rich people are weird." "Hey, Yolanda." "Hey, working girl." "(Doorbell rings)" "Oh no, she's here!" "She's here!" "Oh God, what am I gonna do with her all day?" "Ooh, introduce her to the exciting fast-paced world of watch repair." "Josh wants you to get that fixed." "Hello, Mother, it's lovely to see you." "It's lovely you can see at all with those fat cheeks." "(Giggles) This is incredible." "I feel like I should be taking notes." "Mother," "I want to show you something." "Oh, my God!" "You found a ring that fits you." "That's why I wanted to talk to you, a wonderful man has asked me to marry him." "Whoa, fancy." "Whoa, fancier." "Yeah, well, Josh has expensive tastes." "Josh?" "Hey!" "Mrs. Park." "Elliot didn't tell me you were stopping by." "He just told me about the engagement!" " Isn't it exciting?" " (Giggles excitedly)" "Sorry men of the world, Elliot Park is of the market." "Hey, I'm late for a meeting." "I just forgot a bag in my office." "I'll get it!" "I'll get it!" "I'll get it!" "Mrs. Park, always good to see you." "You, too..." "Son-in-law." "How did you score that, Miss Fatty LaBelle?" "Sofia, uh, I just remembered," "Josh wants you to move that plant behind the door!" " What?" " Stop questioning me!" "(Sighs)" " Now what?" " Okay, uh, now back to business." "Uh, now Josh wants you to, uh..." "Uh... ah, oh, work on these files ah, for the rest of the day, from home." "Oh, well why can't I just work on them here?" "(Exasperated sighing)" "Sofia, I don't know." "I mean, uh," "Josh is a genius, you know." "Would you ask Albert Einstein why he would work on his files from home?" "No, because he's dead." "Josh, a situation has presented itself." "It seems that my mother thinks you're my fiance." "Ha, ha, ha!" "Isn't that funny?" " No." " But here's the funny part, she likes me because she thinks you like me." "You know who really likes you?" "Alan, your actual fiance." "And I love him too, but there's no guarantee that mother will." "She's finally being nice to me." "It feels good, it feels real good." "Can't you just pretend to be my fiance for one night until she leaves tomorrow?" "No." "You don't understand." "She gave me my first compliment ever." "She said my weight gain is plateauing nicely." "Please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please," " oh please." " All right!" "Yeah!" "FYI, tonight, you're going to need to be a little bit less of a cold bitch." "Thanks." "Oh my God, Gabi, I discovered something huge." "That you don't want to work for Josh anymore?" "I was looking through the files you gave me and I found a patent application for his new app that he never signed, but because I found it he can fix it and save millions." "Yeah, see I told you to look for typos, not save him millions." "I know, isn't it great?" "I'm gonna tell him all about it first thing in the morning." "No, no you're not." "Ah, I'm not?" "Sofia..." "Gah!" "This is really hard for me to say, but there may have been something about the job at Josh's that I told you that wasn't 100 percent true." " What?" " That you have it." "What?" "Josh didn't actually hire you." "I lied and I said that he did because Ruben broke up with you and you were really sad." "What?" "I know, I'm really sorry, okay?" "When you quit your job I freaked out and... well, you know what, it doesn't even matter." " Yeah." " No, get off me!" "Because I'm gonna tell Josh what I found and when I do he's gonna give me a job." "Hmph!" "Will he or will he not and also fire me?" "Gabi, why would he fire you?" "Ah, because I think stealing confidential files and giving them to your roommate is frowned upon." "(Sighs) Okay, well, hmm." "The responsible thing to do is to just go to Josh, okay, and we're just gonna tell him everything that happened." "Or..." "Or we could do whatever stupid plan you're thinking of now." " Yeah." " No, get off of me!" "Josh," "I want you to have this as an engagement present." "We'll treasure it." "So Josh, tell me, how did I get to be so lucky to have you as a son-in-law?" "Yes, Josh, tell mother what it is you love about me." "You know, it's the usual stuff, it's..." "His style, personality, my cute tushy?" "Sure." "But most importantly," "I love his mom." "(Gasps)" "If you were straight and I was five years younger..." "Elliot, you found a winner." "I'm proud of you." "Really, Mother?" "(Doorbell rings)" "Elliot, you go." "You stay." "Alan." "What are you doing here?" "I told you my mother was sick." "That's why I brought chicken soup." "Thanks, I'll be sure she gets it." "Bye-ee." "Elliot, why don't you want me to meet my future mother-in-law?" "A situation has presented itself." "What situation?" "A situation where my mom thinks Josh is my fiance." "(Laughs)" "Isn't that funny?" "Oh, I get it." "You told her Josh is your fiance because you're ashamed of me." "No." "It's just that for the first time in my life my mom said she was proud of me." "And she wouldn't be proud if you were with me?" "You don't understand because your mother's not a monster." "Even if my mother was the meanest woman in Boca," "I would never be ashamed to introduce you." " I'm not ashamed." " Then introduce me right now." " Right now, now?" " (Elevator dings)" "That's it, Elliot." "You've made your choice and I've made mine." "Goodbye." "I'll need that pot back." "...the scotch." "Hey Josh, ah," "I hope you don't mind, I invited Sofia to have lunch on the terrace" "I thought a little dining Al fresco might help her feel a little less depressed-o." "Well, looks like it's working." "I hope you don't mind, I'm just gonna dust your file cabinet." " Okay." " Why the third degree?" "It's my job!" "Um, I'm just gonna get the files out." " Ooh!" " Yolanda." "Oh no, your files!" "I'll get them." "A-ha!" "I mean, alas!" "What's this I just found right now, Josh?" "(Cell ringing)" "Hold that thought, it's my attorney." "Hey Larry, what's up?" "What patent didn't I sign?" "This one." "This one." "Oh, thank God you caught this, you're the man." "No, I'm the man." "I'm the man!" "You know what?" "If you didn't work for me, I'd hire you." "So here's what I want to do next time." "Let's really stick to the process and avoid this..." "Great plan, Gabi." "Now she's depressed-o." "Elliot..." "I'm sorry." "I was up all night thinking about Alan's kugel and how I'm never gonna have it again." "You just have to talk to him." "I can't, I'm too ashamed." "Yeah, I know." "Which is why..." "I called him." "Finally, I've been standing out here like a schmuck for 10 minutes." "Hi." "Oh my God." "Elliot, I was wrong to walk away like that." "You know I have a flair for the dramatic." "But after Josh called and explained how terrible your mother really is," "I realized you need something." " What?" " This." "(Laughs)" "I don't deserve you." "You don't." "But where am I going?" "I'm 42." "(Doorbell rings)" "Mother, I thought you were on your way to the airport." "I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to my son-in-law." "Where's Josh, I don't see him." "He dumped you, didn't he?" "I knew you weren't good enough for him." "Oy vey." "Who's this?" "I saw you downstairs." "Are you the doorman?" "I don't tip people over 30." "I'm nobody, I was just leaving." "Stop!" "You're not nobody." "Mother, this is Alan." "The man I'm going to marry." "You're marrying a doorman?" "He's not the doorman, he's the man I love." "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Park." "(Gasps)" "Him?" "And not my Josh?" "But Josh is a 10." "You're a four." "At best." "But after you taste my kugel, I'll shoot up to a five." "What the hell's a kugel?" "Speak English, four." " That's enough." " No Elliot, it's fine." "No, it's not fine." "Let me tell you something." "Alan is a 10 in my book." "What book are you reading?" "A book called, "I've had enough of your crap," ""Alan is an amazing man and I'm lucky to have him," ""so deal with it."" "That's the title?" "(Chuckles)" "Writing was never your strong suit." "And being supportive isn't yours." "I've heard enough." "I'm leaving." "Good." "Go!" "Well, I guess I'm not gonna win her over after all." "I better get back to the hospital," "I'm needed in surgery." "You're a doctor?" "A neurosurgeon, actually." "Welcome to the family." "Told ya." "Moms love me." "So do Elliot's." "Hey." "Look what I gotcha." "Oh, uh-oh." "What?" "Look what I gotcha." "Ohh." "Wait, why do you feel guilty?" "I'm the one that messed everything up." "Eh." "Okay, um..." "Wow, this is really hard for me to say, but, um..." "I may have told you something about quitting my job that wasn't 100 percent true." " What?" " That I quit my job." "What?" " I was fired." " What?" "When they promoted that guy over me," "I may have said a couple of things to my boss that were inappropriate for the workplace." "Or any place." "Wait, Sofia, you were fired instead of quit?" "Do you understand what this means?" "Now you think less of me?" "No." "Now you can collect unemployment." " Oh my God, yes!" " Yes!"