" Nice day, Hubert." " Ah ..." "It is a nice day." "Yesterday was nice, too." "Ah ..." "Yesterday was a nice day." "Might rain, though." "Oh, I dunno." "(Punching and fighting)" "You might be right, Hubert." "Funny old day." "Might rain." "Steed!" "Major Paul Croft, John Steed." "Sorry, I haven't a hand to offer you." "Come on, Major." "Delighted to see you at last." " How was the trip?" " He was two hours late." " Held up in Karachi." " Hmm, runaway elephant." "No, no, an elephant on the runway." "Very old and very tame." "No drama, I'm afraid." " Steed." " How do you do?" "Sit down." "Thank you." " I've heard a lot about you." " Puts us on equal terms, then." "Mrs Peel has been talking about you all week." " Oh?" " I've been looking forward to seeing you." "I gather you've known each other for a long time." " Since I was seven." " Six." "She was a leggy little horror with pigtails." " I can't believe it." " (Croft) Oh, it's true." "We lived next-door to each other." "I often used to climb over the wall and ..." "No, I mean the champagne." "I specifically asked my vintner for a '26." " He's sent me a '27!" " What's a digit between friends?" "Well, on his first day home, after years of defending some far-flung corner of the British Empire, he deserves a more-than-special vintage." "Oh, the '27 will be fine, Steed, really." "And you don't have to call me Major." "Not any more." "Oh?" "It's a fact." "I'm resigning my commission." "I bought a little house in the country." "I'm going to settle down and grow things." " Breed horses or something." " Marvellous." "Where is this place?" "Just outside Little Storping." "Little Storping?" "I don't know it." "Neither do I. I bought the place sight-unseen." "I saw an advert in the Times." "Sounded just the place I wanted, so I took a chance." "Despite the year, I hope the temperature will prove acceptable." " Thank you." " Thank you." "So you're going on to Little Storping later?" "Yes." "Forbes has gone on ahead, to tidy up." "Forbes?" "Private Forbes is still with you?" "Oh, yes, after all these years," "I still can't get rid of the beer-soaked rascal." "He ought to be there by now." "Knowing him, he's probably stopped off for a drink at the local pub." "(Forbes) We've had some good times, the Major and me." "Father, it's nearly 12:00." "Is it now?" "I better be moving before the Major starts chasing me." "I thought you said you had him trained properly." "Father, you know there's an event at 12:00." "Oh, I'd forgotten." "An event?" "Local carnival or something?" " Anything worth watching?" " No, no, nothing really interesting." " (Forbes) Well ..." " You're not going yet, are you?" " Not without another." " No ... of course he's not." "Particularly as this one's on the house." "Well ... but it's the last one, mind." "(Forbes) I must say, this is a friendly little place." "(Man) We don't get many strangers passing through." "Off the beaten track." "Hardly anyone knows it's here." "What exactly is this event, then?" " Pardon?" " An event, at 12:00, you said?" "(Gunshots)" "Did you hear that?" " Hear what?" " Gunshots." " Sounded like gunshots." " Gunshots?" "Gunshots?" "Did you hear anything like that, Hubert?" "(Hubert) Like what?" "(Man) Gunshots!" "Eh?" "Seemed to come from right outside." "Probably a car backfiring or just your imagination." "Well. .." "I, er ..." "I really must be going this time." "See you again perhaps." "Next time you're passing through." "You'll see me sooner than that." "And more often." " Moving into the area." " Moving in?" " Yeah." " Perpanantly?" "That's right." "Just taken the old house on the hill." "Emma, you know I could just as easily hire a car." " I wouldn't hear of it." " A stubborn streak." " It's quite a way." " Fine." "I feel like a drive." "It's been a long time, Paul." "We've a lotto talk about." "Besides, I want to see this new house of yours." "It's not new, it's just a big, honest country house." "Hello!" "Come to give me a hand, have you?" "That's what I call neighbourly." "Really neighbourly." "Careful with that, though." "Valuable." " I told you to be careful!" " That was clumsy, Hubert." "Ah ..." "Wonder what's in that box, Hubert." "Ooh, ah ..." "No!" "(Manic laughter)" "Now there's a funny thing." "Did you notice that man back there?" "Frederick Williams, big financier." "Or at least he was." "Sorry, I've been out of touch for quite a while." "Well, his empire crumbled a few weeks ago, he was virtually ruined." "What's funny about that?" "Did you notice the driver of the big limousine we passed a few miles back?" " Thick-set chap?" " Samuel Morgan." "The man who slipped the financial knife into Williams." "Quite a coincidence, out-of-the-way spot like this." "And two of the deadliest enemies within a mile or so of each other." "I can't tell you how much I appreciate all this, Emma." "The places I've lived in the last few years, lonely, remote places, most of them." "Well, you lose the knack of dealing with people." "This way, you're helping to ease me gently back into civilisation." "What the ...?" "He must've got drunk." "Raving drunk." "Forbes!" "Forbes!" "Forbes!" "Forbes!" "Forbes!" "I'll break him." "I'll personally take hold of his scraggy little neck ..." "Paul, you don't know what's happened or if it was him." "Of course it was him." "I've warned him before about drinking a hundred times." "Who else would ...?" "Well, he doesn't seem to be here." "No, he's probably skulking in the bushes somewhere." "Or else gone back to get recharged." "I'm going to check the pub." "I'll roust him out." " Paul?" " You stay here." "Take my car!" "Psst!" "Ah ..." "Good afternoon, sir." "Can I help you?" "Yes, I'm looking for a man called Forbes." "About so high, neat looking fellow, clean-shaven." " Sorry ..." " You didn't even stop to think." "I don't know anyone named Forbes." "That means he's a stranger." "And I haven't seen a stranger all week." "He must've been here, he couldn't have resisted it." " What's the trouble?" " This gentleman's looking for ..." "A man called Forbes." "About medium height, dapper-looking chap." " Perhaps you've seen him in the village?" " I said we've seen no strangers, Father." "That's quite right." "Sorry we can't help you." "How about you, Mickle?" "I can add nothing to what Jennifer has already told you." "Perhaps he thinks our Jenny's lying." "I tell you, I had a mysterious message to meet someone here." "I was to learn something to my advantage." "Financial advantage." "Mr Morgan, I suggest you wait a little longer." "I've wasted enough time." "If anyone turns up, give them one of those." "(Mouths words)" "(Muffled gunshots)" "Forbes!" "(Jennifer) I think she's coming round." "Brandy did the trick." "Are you feeling better?" "I'm Doctor Haymes." "You've been lucky, no bones broken." "But you've taken a rather nasty bump." "Would've been nastier if she'd hit that wall." "Yes, she must've skidded past it by inches." "Wall?" "Skidded?" "See for yourself." "I don't remember driving back." "I was with Forbes." "There was nobody else in the car when we pulled you out." "I'd just found his body." "Somebody had murdered him with the sickle." " Sit down, you'll feel ..." " I didn't imagine it!" "He was there, in the grounds of Paul's house." " Paul?" "Who's Paul?" " Major Croft." "He was coming here." "You must've seen him." "I don't know what's happening here, but I do know I found Forbes dead." "And then something hit me." "She's more badly hurt than you suspected, Doctor." "There's a dead man in the grounds of Paul's house." "If you don't believe me, why don't you see for yourself?" " It's a waste of time." " You seem very sure of your facts." "I am." "Are you coming?" " Come now, Doctor." " All right, I'll come with you." "You'd better take my car." "Paul went berserk when he saw the wreckage." "He just wasn't thinking clearly, jumped to the first assumption that Forbes had got drunk." "Mind you, one can hardly blame him." "When he saw those beautiful things just destroyed ..." "Well?" "Where are we supposed to find the body?" "Higgins!" "Doctor Haymes." "You gave me a scare, sir." "I must've dozed off." " You know this man?" " Oh, yes, everybody knows him." "Best jobbing gardener in the village." "When he's awake." " What are you doing here?" " Looking after the gardens." " For Major Croft?" " I don't know anyone named Croft." "No, the estate agents asked me to keep the place a bit tidy." " Just in case they ever sell it." " But it has been sold." "Well, the important question is:" "how long have you been sleeping here?" "Well, er ... since about 12:30, I'd say." " But he can't have been." " The whole time?" "'fraid so." "You know me, Doctor." "Heavy sleeper." "I shouldn't worry about it, you know." "This sort of thing happens." "A blow on the head can lead to all sorts of things." "Amnesia." "Even hallucinations." "It'll soon pass." "Look, my surgery's not far from here." "It's on the road out." "If you'd like to call in there, I'll give you some pills." "Can you give me an explanation, too?" "Well, no." "That, I'm afraid, I can't do." "(Chuckling)" "(Mickle) Press the little one, you might set it on fire." "Nice looking motor." "Did you find a body, then?" "I'll take you up on that offer." " The pills." " Oh ..." "Yes, OK, fine." "Well, it's not far." "Follow me." "Do you mind?" "Here we are, then." "If you just take two of these four times ..." " May I use your phone?" " Yes, sure." "What about the pills?" "Oh, they were an excuse." "I didn't want them to suspect." " Operator?" " Suspect?" "What do you mean, them?" "The men in the village." "One of them was wearing Paul's watch." "Now, come on." "If you take a sedative ..." "I'm perfectly all right!" "Hello, operator?" "Get me the police, please." " Police?" " 'That's right.'" "'Give me the nearest police station, and please hurry.'" "One moment, please." "Well, I hope you know what you're doing." " I know." " I can't support you over this, you know." " Medically, you're suffering from ..." " (Man) 'County Police.'" " Hello, police?" " 'Sgt Banks here." "Can I help you?" "'" "You certainly can." "I'd like to report a murder." " 'Murder?" "'" " Possibly two." " 'Your name?" "'" " Mrs Emma Peel." "'Where are you phoning from, Mrs Peel?" "'" " Doctor ..." " Haymes." "Doctor Haymes's surgery, Little Storping." "'Stay there." "We're on our way.'" "This is ridiculous." "I've known the people of this village more than half my life ..." "Since you were six years old?" "That's how long I've known Paul Croft." "(Siren wailing)" "It's a strange story, Mrs Peel." "Very strange." "You've probably heard stranger." "Not many." "No." "Not many." "You say you went up to the house with her and saw nothing?" "No, nothing." "I'm sorry, but that is the truth." "Well, don't worry about it." "We'll soon get to the bottom of all this." "We'll take a run up there and make a thorough check." " I can contact you here later?" " Oh, you're welcome to stay." " But surely oughtn't I to go ...?" " From now on, it's police business." "I think we can handle it." "The watch." "I forgot to tell him about Paul's watch." "But ..." "Well, did you catch him in time?" "That little titbit about the watch must've added credibility to your story." " Have you ever seen him before?" " Banks?" "No, he must be the County Police." "You all right, Mrs Peel?" "I think you ought to have a lie down ..." "So you wouldn't know if he were a policeman or not?" "Look, you saw him arrive in a police car and wearing uniform." "And patterned socks." "Did you ever see a uniformed policeman wearing brightly coloured, patterned socks?" "I see." "What are you doing?" "I'm calling the hospital." "It appears the blow on the head has caused more trouble than I anticipated." "Oh, no, you don't." "Sorry, Doctor, thanks for the hospitality and all that, but you're not going to lump me off to a hospital ..." "(Gun cocked)" "(Woman) 'Hello?" "Hello?" "'" "Maggie ... call a meeting." "An emergency meeting." "Sorry about that." "Paul ..." "Somethings got to be done." "And quickly." "I gained us a bit of time." "I told her to stay put at Haymes's place." "And we've got Maggie to thank for that." "Yes, if she'd lost her head when this Peel woman asked for the police ..." "Well done." "Don't forget I helped too." "Maggie's first thought was to contact me." "That's cos you're the only one that'll fit in that uniform." " Now just a minute ..." " Look we're wasting time!" "We're hereto decide what we're going to do about Mrs Peel." "Where's Haymes?" "After all, he called this meeting, didn't he?" "That's quite right." "Where is he?" "Hello?" "(Taps lever)" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Mrs Peel ... she's gone away." "(Jennifer) There she is!" "(Screams)" "Get the helicopter." "(Engine revving)" "(Helicopter approaching)" "I'm afraid it's no use." "We've all of us tried." "I'm afraid these old things were made to last." " Where is this place?" " Little Storping Museum." "I often used to help the curator here." "Forgive me, my name is Purser." "Jeremy Purser." "I was once the vicar here." "This is George Miller." "He was the police sergeant for this district." "Miss." " Mr Chapman, the local magistrate." " How do you do?" " (Woman) What about me?" " Oh, and Hilary." "She ran the telephone exchange." "(Mutters)" " They thought she was yelling too much." " They?" "You mean those mad men outside." " Oh, they're not mad." " (Machinegun fire)" " What is going on here?" " Little Storping has become a boomtown." " What happened?" " Little Storping seemed doomed." "And we had all met to write its epitaph." " And then it happened." " What happened?" "Two strangers, two men we'd never seen before, they came out of the pub, they were arguing." "And then one took out a gun and killed the other." "We saw the whole thing from the window." "(Mutters)" "He committed murder in front of the whole village." "In front of all those witnesses." "And you, you went out and arrested him?" " He came into us." " That's when he offered us the deal." " What deal?" " He was a rich man." "Very rich." "He offered us one million pounds to be equally divided amongst the whole village." "If we promised to keep our mouths shut about what we'd seen." "(Muttering)" "And then?" "Well, it was a tempting offer, particularly coming when it did." "But surely it wasn't taken seriously?" "Oh, but it was." "Deadly serious." "Of course, Miller, myself, Hilary and the vicar did our best to talk them out of it." "But they insisted that it was put to the vote." "And it was carried." "There were only four dissenters ..." " Us four." " They took the money?" "The whole village, as one man, they all connived at murder." "Dr Haymes swore the victim had died of a heart attack." "The murderer had as many witnesses as they needed to prove it." "He bought an entire community." "The perfect crime." " But since then ..." " The seeds were sown, weren't they?" "Hmm ..." "A million divided wasn't enough." "The people had tasted money." "They became greedier, so they held another meeting." "And agreed to offer the same service to others." "For a fat fee, you can lure your enemy to this village and then kill him at will and get away with it." " The town's wide open." " (Tyres screech)" "Anything can happen in Little Storping, anything at all." "You can't just stand by and let this nightmare continue." "I told you, we have tried, but our predicament is an impossible one." "Nothing's impossible." "(Door opens)" "Mrs Peel, we've come to a decision about you." "You're to disappear." " You were never in Little Storping." " I wish that were true." " There is a slight problem." " We've checked up on Croft's papers." "He and his man only just arrived in this country, so nobody's going to miss them." "But you, Mrs Peel, we know very little about you." "Shall I give you a thumbnail sketch?" "Who knows you're here, Mrs Peel?" "Who's going to miss you?" "I'll make her talk." "Yes ... she's all yours." "You could spare yourself this, Mrs Peel." "You know what we want!" "Who knows you're here?" "Who?" "(Coughs)" "Isn't that enough?" "Haymes!" "Let her up." "All right ..." "I'll tell you." "Who knows you're here?" "Only one person." "Who?" "John." "My husband." "(Telephone rings)" " Hello?" " John, darling, it's Emma." "Hmm?" "Oh, er, Mrs ..." "Don't be silly, darling, your wife." "How's my little Johnsie-Wonsie?" "Johnsie-Wonsie's fine." "But you sound as though you've been soaking up too much grape juice." "You haven't been out all day?" "You really should." "Drive out, take the children with you." "Children?" " You're in trouble, aren't you?" " That's right." " Is there somebody listening?" " Yes." "And I've had a tortuous day." "Er ... would you mind telling me where you are?" " No, darling, that would be silly." " Are you in Little Storping?" "Yes, I had some trouble with my car, I had to drive over to ..." " Salisbury." " To Salisbury." "I'm calling from there." " That's what they want me to think?" " That's right, darling." "Kiss little Albert for me and Julian and Gordon and baby Brian." "Look, give me a clue, a hint, anything!" "Don't forget you promised to take them to the museum." " You can do that after the pub." " That's enough." "The pub and the museum?" "You want me to meet you in the pub at Little Storping?" " Goodbye, darling." " Mrs Peel?" "(Line disconnects)" "Excellent." "We're in the clear." "She was in Salisbury when she disappeared." "Take them to the museum after I've been to the pub ..." "Pub and museum ...?" "Well, now, Mrs Peel, we shall have to deal with you later." " After dark." " What else do you have in mind?" " I'll tell you what I got in mind!" " I'll tell you what I got in mind!" "Just a little helicopter ride over the sea." "And a long drop down." " Oh!" " I was admiring, er ... your old customs." "Good evening." "I'd like a pint of your very best ale." "Oh, right away, sir." " Nice little place." " We like it, sir." " Just passing through, are you, sir?" " Yes, just passing through." "I thought I might have a look in your museum." "Thank you." "You do have a museum?" " Yes, we have one." " Oh ..." "Quite a nice one, in fact." "But I'm afraid it's shut at this time of night." "Oh, dear." "And I've driven all this way." "I was thinking of getting hold of the curator to show me around." " Oh, er ... that's impossible." " He's away for several weeks." "The place'll be all locked up for some time." "(Tuts)" "Dear me, what a pity." "Mrs Emma Peel." "I wanted to see your reaction." "I'll leave you to tidy up." "Steed!" "Mrs Peel!" "Are you all right?" "So far." "Be with you in a moment, gentlemen." "Now, where shall I start?" "Ah ..." "I took your advice and went to the pub." "The landlord was extremely inhospitable, he came at me with a 12-bore." " I hadn't even criticised the beer!" " The whole village is crooked." "The only people you can trust are these here." "How do you do?" "(Grunts)" "It may surprise you to know that I've had very little experience of this type of garment." "(Gasps)" "Ah!" "I told them you were a wizz with locks." "Ha-ha!" "Now ... (Banging)" " Uh-oh." " Shh!" "Not a word." "Ready?" "All right?" "Hold it!" "You run the telephone exchange, right?" "Well, this time you're going to put through a genuine call." "Little Storping is finished and you've got a great deal to tell the authorities." "This'll be something to tell the children." " Hmm?" " Julian, Albert, Gordon and baby Brian." "(Hilary mutters)" "I don't know why you had to put it on in the first place." "You were there, you saw for yourself." "For protection." "And on that occasion, it served its purpose." "True." "Not only are we going to be late for this party, but the ambassador will take it as a personal affront." "Oh?" "We know his reputation as a womaniser, but to turn up in armour ..." "really is very inconvenient." "You're telling me, I couldn't find a dress to match it." "Ah!" "Maybe we could pass it off as the latest Paris fashion." " Steed, will you please ...?" " Hold on." " Ready?" " Hmm." "I'll do the very best I can." "What we really need is ... a safe-cracker." "There!" "Perfectly simple." "You just hadn't adjusted it properly." "All you have to do is slip it into place ..." "Pop!" "..." "like that." "And when you want to remove it, you ... (She laughs)" "Mrs Peel?" " Mrs Peel!" " My knight in shining armour!" "Have a sip."