" Hi babe!" " Hurry come down!" "Hurry up, give me my money." "I got a wife waiting." "Thanks!" " Hello Bill!" " Hiya babe." "How ya been?" "Gee you sure look pretty and smell pretty too." "Hey wait a minute!" "Gee you sure got that quick enough." "There ya are Josh." "That's married life for ya." "Yeah, isn't that beautiful." "You know if the world was run right, only woman would get married." "Yeah." "Hey, could they do that?" "Get a load of that." "What did you do break your arm?" "I haven't heard from you in three months." "I've been very busy." "Oh, you've been very busy." "I can imagine." "Dewey!" "He got bigger!" "What did you think he'd get?" "Littler?" "Hey Mom lookat." "Here's Pops squeezing a hula dancer." "Give me that." "So you were been busy." "Huh?" "Wait till I get you home." "Come on!" "Push Dewey." "Ouuuu!" "Well, Mr. Ace Lannigan, let that be a lesson to you." " A lesson to me?" " Yeah." "Say listen, if they lined up all those movie queens in Hollywood and let them wave those long eyelashes at me you know what I would do?" "Huh?" "I'd throw rocks at 'em." " A yessss." " Toss 'em right at 'em." " I just brush them off like flies." " Oh yes." "Which of you two is Ace Lannigan?" "That's me." "Know a gal named Cherry?" "Cherry!" "?" "Wa...." "No." "Why sure you do." "That's the little blond you told me..." "Yeah sure, I know Cherry." "Brilliant conversationalist." "How's she doing?" "She's getting married." "Oh, well what do you know." " Great kid Cherry." " Yes." "So little Cherry's getting married." "Yeah, she what's you to come to the weddin'." "Well I don't know." "If I'm around." "Who's she marring?" "You!" "Well she couldn't have picked a better..." "Me!" "?" "Can I be an usher?" "Wait there must be some mistake." "All I did was take her to a movie." "Yeah!" "And keep her out half the night." "Well can I help it if there double features?" "Can he help it if there..." "Come on, you're going with us." "Yeah well, all right." "All right." "I'm going with them." "Oh..." "You're going with them." " Yeah, I'm going with them." " Oh..." "Patty-cake patty-cake bakers man... bake a cake as fast as you can..." "This sort of thing has got to stop." "Spreading the Mallon name all over the newspapers." "Getting your self mixed up in a water front brawl." "I've never heard of any thing more disgraceful in my life." "Oh, it's not as bad as that." "Now take it easy skipper." " All right O'Keef." " Yes sir." "You seem to think the world is just some sort of a three ring circus." "And all you've got to do is run around and have fun." "What's wrong with that?" "The world won't let you." "That's what's wrong with that." "No, you mean the Mallon's won't let me." "Won't let you what?" "What are we keeping you from doing?" "Oh gee skipper, you have been singing this song at me for years." "Now I know eventually you're going to trap me." "But you can't blame me for holding out as long as I can." "Now look here Josh," "I'd like to sit on a corral reef and play a ukulele my self." "But we are Mallon's." "It's taken nearly 200 years to build up this business." "And it's my duty and it's your duty to carry on." "We've got stockholders, customers, ships, all over the world." "Well then what's wrong with one of the Mallon's sailing on some of them?" "You've dodged your responsibilities long enough." "Starting next Monday you're taking over the maintenance department." "Office hours 9 to 5." "Oh no." "Oh no, I'm not going to wind up back of that desk like you." "Pushing buttons and growling and barking at everybody." "That's not for me dad." "I what to be one of the boys." "I want to be a regular guy." " A regular guy." " Yeah." "The poor house is full of regular guys." "You're going to accept you're responsibility just like I did from my father." "And just like he did from his father." "Yea, there's the old captain." "Fellow that started the whole thing." "He was a man and he only had one ship too." "And we've got eighty." "Well let's sell 79." "Take the others sail around and have some laughs." "Don't be ridicules." "What about Gloria?" "When I was your age, I was married and had you." "Suppose I'd gone vagabonding around the world." "Where would you be now?" "Well, you've got me there skipper." "Mr. Mallon, Miss Gloria Wycott." "See I told you it would be alright." " Josh!" "Darling!" " Well hello." " How are you." " You look wonderful." " Feel good." " You're as brown as a coconut." "I saw the headlines in the paper this morning" ""Waterfront brawl!" and I said Josh is back." "Well that was just a couple of guys got out of line we had to..." "Now have you to big businessmen settled everything?" "No, as a matter of fact we..." "What's it going to be a vice-president?" "Who?" "Oh, please don't make him a vice-president." "Make him work!" "Well we haven't progressed that far." "As a matter of fa..." "Josh, I found the sweetest apartment sixteen stories up on a hill." "Overlooking the sea." " How for?" " For us." " Well I..." " You can watch the ships come and go." " Well I think I'll run along." " Where we going dad?" "I leave him to you Gloria." " Come on Josh, sit down in that chair." " Where?" "Right there." "I want to see how you look in it." "What for?" "Oh you look wonderful there." " Yeah" " That's where you belong Josh." "I don't feel so cozy." "Skipper looks all right back here but..." "What's this?" "Sketches for our apartment." "I did them all my self." "What's that?" "The living room." " The living room?" " Uh huh." " Very gay." "Fuchsia and blue." " Blue and who?" " Fuchsia and blue." " Yeah." "Now look, at the dinning room." " The dinning room!" " Yeah." "Look at that table, when it's open it will seat forty." "Forty what?" "Forty people silly." "I'll have to get on a scooter to pass you the salt." "Oh Josh, you're mad." "Look, that's your room." "Looks like a drive-in." "What's that big affair in the middle there?" " That's the bed." " The bed?" "Can you get forty in there?" " Oh Josh." " I like those shelves though." "Those will be nice." "I can put my ship models on them huh?" "Oh darling, no not there." "Oh I got some wonderful..." "I got a little clipper in a bottle that I got from a fellow that..." "Oh honey no, their not smart any more." " Oh." " I thought something delicate." "Porcelain." "Perhaps some little Chinese men." "Yeah, we can have them do the laundry." "Oh Josh, well you'll like it when it's finished." "Well I hope so." "Wonderful having you back." "Been a good boy Josh?" " Well I got "E" for effort." " "E" for..." "Thought about you a lot." "Missed you dreadfully." "Yes, a-hum." "You certainly got a pretty outfit on." "All for you Josh." "After dinner we'll drive out into the country." "The nights have been divine." "The biggest yellowest moon you ever saw." "Josh..." " Ummm, you sailors." " Well..." "Hi Ace!" "Hey, hiya Josh." "Say what's been doing on the firing line for the last couple of days." "Oh boy you better stay right where you are." "Cherry's family is parading up and down looking for the whites of your eyes." "Yeah well they won't find any whites in my eyes." "I been washing them out with Mercurochrome," "I brought you some groceries and the evening paper." " Swell." "Take the pole." " Got it." "Say that's fine." " Hey what no caviar?" " No, no caviar." "Hey, what are you doing with that monkey suit on there boy?" "Oh, Big doing's on the yacht to night." " Big doing's huh?" " Um hm." "What kind of doin's?" "Their announcing my engagement to Gloria." "Yeah, well that's the..." " You're engagement?" "!" " Yeah." "Why you double crossin' moon-struck pushover." "Gloria hits you with a little billin' and cooing' and bang your a dead pigeon." "Listen, I wouldn't talk if I were you with that Cherry family parading up and down." "Yeah well don't worry about me, I'm the "Rock of Gibraltar"." "How'd they hook you anyway?" "Well they dangled a little thing called family tradition in front of me." "Seems the world can't get along with out a long line of Mallons." "Yeah, what happens when you get to 100?" "Bingo?" "Hey, I got a strike!" "I've been waiting two years!" "Run the boat!" "Run the boat!" "Pull away will ya Wally." " Don't scratch my boat." " Boy this is one of the home guards." "Conserve you're strength." "Stay with it now." "Ok, give him a little slack." "Little slack." "Little slack?" "He's got me pealed down to a nub now!" "Ok now, watch it." "Hold it." "I think we got one of the Cherry brothers on there." "Yeah, well give him plenty of slack." "Just let it out, just let it out." "Look at that one!" "Boy, he must go 200 lbs!" "200 lbs!" "He goes 400 if he goes and ounce." "Boy, he ain't any sardine." "There they are over there." "I'd like to get a picture of the four of them." "What do you say Dick." "Mr. Mallon, would you mine standing up." "I'd like to get a picture of you and Mr. Wycott and the family." "That's fine." "Would you put your hand on Mr. Wycott's shoulder please." "Surely, yes, of course." "That's fine." "And gentleman, try to look a little happy." "Huh?" "You know, prospective father-in-laws and all that." "Yes." "And Miss Wycott, would you move closer to your brother please." "Gordon, please." "If you'd uh, care to wait a few days, she has a fiancée coming." "Gordon." "That's all right he'll be here directly." "That's fine." "Hold it." "Smile, pretty." " That's it." "Thank you very much." " have you got one Nick?" " Woe, he's making up pull it." " He's more tired then we are." "What do you mean we?" "!" "Get it." "I think I've got him now." " O.K." " See if I can work him in." "Get that gaff." "We'll have him up here in a minute." "If he don't have me down there." "Step in to the office." "Come in." "Boy, I don't know whether I gonna have him fileted or broiled." "How do you like 'em." " I'd like him in the boat." " Yeah, that's not a bad idea." "Hey!" "He's still alive!" "He won't give up." "He must be a republican." "Ohhh." "Oh, there you are." " I've been looking all over for you." " Yes, and I have been looking for you." "Confound it Mallon where's that boy of yours." "And after all there are guests you know." "And I'm starving." "And..." "Oh, I suppose he's just planning a little surprise for us." "O.K. Up we go." " What's that?" " I'd of never believed it." " Tie that boat off will you Doc." " Aye aye sir." "Oh what a battle he put up." "Huh?" "Here we go." " Easy now." " O.K." " O.K.?" " O.K." "Surprise huh?" "Hiya, gang." "Look what we got." "It took us four hours." "Hiya, honey." "Hello Skipper." "You all know Ace." "I brought him along for laughs." "When do we eat?" "Hiya folks." "Hi Skipper." "Who's the boy friend." "Barnacle Bill?" "Shhh." "Get a load of that character will ya?" "Who's that?" "That's one zeros in the 400." " How about one of you an Mr. Mallon?" " Get me with the fish." "No darling please, after dinner." "You're terribly late you know." "Don't you think you better go an dress?" "Well it won't take us a minute." "Come on Ace I'll slip you into something flimsy." " Will they excuse us?" " I think so." "Officer, get a couple of men." "Get that fish off this deck." "Hurry." "He's a riot isn't he." "You know he can go on like that all night." "So I see." " You're kidding." "You really what more?" " Yes." "Gee that Ace is hot tonight isn't he?" "Josh is he going to stay at that piano all evening?" "Oh no, he's got some other stuff he does away from the piano." "He's just limbering up over there." "Hey drums." "A crowd has stormed the music hall." "Won't someone please put in a riot call." "Where's Captain Custard?" "Custard!" "Custard!" "They're milling left." "They're swarming right." "This always happens when they have bank night." "Where's Captain Custard?" "Here's Captain Custard." "Undaltered and unflustered." "With his troops officially mustered." "No ushers are greater, in any theater in town." "Quick, can't you see sir." "Oh goodness gracious me sir." "Will you look at company B sir." "I think they're retreating." "This bank night is beating them down." "He halts their advances, with firm and fearless glances." "They shall not pass the center isle." "Because he's armed to the teeth with a winsome smile." "Oh Captain Custard, undaltered and unflustered." "And around him woman are clustered." "He know's all their wishes." "They're waiting for dishes." "It's not his uniform, spic and spruce." "'Cause he looks to much like a chariot moose." "Oh Captain Cussy." "Sir..." "Uh Miss?" "Do you think some time I could hire your friend for a stag party?" "Ho ho, you gotta take both of us." "We work together." "Oh sir on the QT." "I'm private Tutty Fruity." "And I'm now reporting' for duty." "You'll find while I'm here sir." "No one is fiercer than me." "Attention!" "I'm one of those creatures." "Who shines those double features." "My devastating charm will count." "I'm in there pitching for Paramount." "Pardon my stating, but I'm so captivating that folks won't know that their waiting." "My hands are defeated, piles all one seated." "I've got more metals across my chest than in all west point or in all points west." "Shoot, toot tabuty." " Private Tutty Fruity." " Yes." "I award you the metal of the week, for finding that lady's pocket book and returning half the money." "Oh it was nothing at all Captain." "That go with it?" "That's it." " Oh ho ho, well." "Attention!" "Attention!" "For bravery." "I'll mail it to you." "Getting a little rough aren't they Gordon?" " Wow!" " There they go!" "What do you want?" "Same thing as you but you're the Captain." "Yeah, well you wouldn't know how to handle this." "What do you mean?" "Well I..." "Give me you're metals." "Why you Indian giver." "Leave me some ammunition." "This is out of you're department." "My, it's chilly outside." "(Both) Yes it is." "(Both) Oh Captain Custard..." "Watch." "What is it bank night?" "What's that for?" "To buy your self a hand organ." "And a red hat for your monkey." "Me?" "Let's show him that other little number we do." "Oh yeah." "Patty-cake patty-cake bakers man... bake a cake as fast as you..." "He's made us the laughing stock of the whole country." "I demand a public apology." "You've got to bring him back here." "Back from where?" "All we know is this." "What's this?" "The gentleman on the right is your prospective son-in-law." "Yes Mr. Mallon?" "I want a listing of every ship that left Honolulu in the past three weeks." "Yes sir." "You've got to bring him back on his hands and knees even if you've got to break his neck to do it." "Now wait a minute, what are you getting excited for?" "I'm the only one that should be excited and I'm perfectly calm." "He can't have gone very far." "Unless he's fallen overboard, which is too much to hope for." "He must be somewhere on there." "Well there she goes." "And here we are." "And as our ship of dreams sails into the golden sunset." "Leaving the magic isle of Kaigoon." "And the rover boys in peace and quiet, far far from the work a day world." "Da da da datda...." "That washes up Gloria and Cherry." "Ohhhh, do you realize how close I came to getting hooked?" "Say me too." "We gotta agree on something right now, no more woman." "No woman of any kind, size, shape, or color." "Not even midgets." "Why if either one of us even looks at anything in a skirt the other can clip his ears off and stuff them down his throat." "And I hope you choke." "How you gonna look streamlined?" "Hey, get a load of this." "Marvelous invention." "Should be one in every home." "That's a tropical incinerator." "How 'bout this huh?" "Why it's soft as goofa feathers." "Who wrote that song "This is the life"?" "Say this is the joint we've been looking for." "I don't know how you're gonna beat it." "You just lay around out in the hot sun, reach up with one hand and get a coconut, throw a hook out the window and you get a fish." "How much you holdin' there bubbles?" "We're loaded chum, $1.28." " One two eight." " Net." "Well that should be enough to light a fire under a couple of short beers." " Are you ready?" " Comin' comin'." "Five." "Ho ho, this one's on you my friend." " Cut." " Wait a minute." "Well what's cookin'?" "Bravo!" "I think he wants her to give up cigarettes." "Yeah." "Nix." "You what that dude to snap out your front rack?" "You don't think I'm afraid of him do ya'?" "I am." "Why you..." "How 'bout gettin' up there junior?" "Come on." "Get up!" "What's the matter?" "It's on side saddle." "Oh I'll fix that." "How's that?" "Better." "Thanks." "How 'bout a little breakfast?" "Wouldn't hurt." "Hey, why don't you let her get it?" "That's not a bad idea." "Come on get up!" "Hey!" "She's a sound sleeper this kid." "She's gone!" " Gone?" " Yeah." "I though so." "My knife." "Our money." "Forty two cents." "It's gone!" "My watch!" "My grandfathers watch!" "We're clean." "She didn't leave us change of a match." "Well, serves us right for gettin' mixed up with a dame." "Where'd she go?" "I tell you Cesar I do not know." "Come on tell me!" "Where is she?" "Every thing I know I have already tell you." "She has gone with the Americans!" "Good morning to you." "Where's my knife?" "Right here." "I tried to sell it but the man he laughed." "Well where's my watch?" "Right here." "That was my grandfather's watch." "Could you eat it?" "Well no." "But you can't go around takin' things like that." "Why don't you ask us when you want somethin'?" "Did ya buy this too?" "No I got that from where I used to live." "This is mine." "Well then why didn't you hock that, instead of hockin' my grandfather's watch?" "Because in Kaigoon you do not need a watch." "This we may need." "There is a spring in the forest." "Go and get some water." "Go on." " And you can build a fire." " Huh?" "You'll find firewood right out side." "Go ahead, hurry up." "When shadows fall and the night is dark and deep I've a randevú that I must keep or my poor heart would not sleep." "I have two friends the strangest company the gay light harvest moon and the willow tree." "The sad willow tree." "And when we meet I notice suddenly the moonlight begins to smile." "But the willow tree starts weeping for me." "Somehow I know it's about my love." "The willow must doubt my love will ever appear." "And yet the moon seems to say my love will soon be here." "Which one is right?" "They never quite agree." "The smiling moon and the weeping willow tree." "Da da da dee" "Da da da da da do" "La da da de de de do do do" "Where you going?" "Oh I..." "I need some air." "The night air's bad for you junior." "Back in the net." "Yeah." "The smiling moon and the weeping willow tree." "Momma." "Where is Mima?" " She come and get her cloths." " Where'd she go?" "She do not tell me." "If she comes back find out where she lives." "And uh..." "do not say I have been her." "Thank you." "Well you've certainly had a busy life alright." "Yes." "And my father he had so much life in him." "The way he laugh it made people feel good just to be near him." "What was your mother like?" "Aw, she was very beautiful." "She was a dancer." "My father met her in Algeres and they were married that very day." "Well I mean where uh..." "When did he uh..." "My father was killed." "My mother did not live so long afterwords." "Aw, that's tough." "How'd ya happen to get mixed up with this uh..." "Cesar fella?" "Well, after my father died my mother had a very hard time." "She worked for Cesar." "I think he was in love with her." "Then after she was gone, I... just kept on with him because I did not know anything else." "It was alright while I was young but now, the way Cesar acts..." "I think that it is good that I'm away from him." "D'ya think she's workin' on us?" "How do you mean workin' on us?" "Well you know, with that cooking' and that routine about her father and mother." "What is that?" "Yeah, how 'bout that." "Movin' in and taken charge." "She's gettin' kind of clubby." "She's really dreaming' it up." "What's she want?" " It's got me worried." " Me too." "First thing we know she'll be gettin' our slippers, sending out the laundry, and lighting' my pipe." "Yeah." "Shh, break it up." "There, that is better." "See what I mean?" "What are you doin'?" "I must keep the place clean for you two." "Yeah well you cleaned me out pretty good." "You cleaned me out of watches." "Well you will get your watch back as soon as you go to work." " Work!" "?" " Work!" "?" "Listen fellas..." "I just want you to stand and admire me for a while." "I just got an idea that's going to make us a fortune." "I don't know how I do it." " Well what have you got?" " Soap." "Soap and water that's what I got." "And some stuff a guy in a medicine show told me about." "Now all you fellas have to do is get me some bottles." "Any kind of bottles." "Just get me bottles." " Bottles?" " Bottles." "Big bottles, small bottles." "Pints, quarts, Bottles." " Help!" " Why if I ever get to you..." "Help!" "Hey!" "What's the matter?" " What's the matter?" " What's the matter?" " Why she's got it." " I have not!" "Yes you have." "You know what she's got." " What has she got!" "?" " What has she got!" "?" " Yes!" " She's got..." "An apple for the teacher will always do the trick." " That's enough." "That's enough." " The suckers are in." "Now folks we will regale you with a slight song." " Will you vamp me brother?" " One vamp coming up." "Do you remember Cuba who played on the tuba." "And made the rumba such a popular beat." "The old peanut vendor was a solid sender." "Not to mention Piccolo Peat." "Of course you've heard of Sammy, from Alabamy." "That old accordion man." "Well while we're on the subject, do you know how the begin began." "Music soothes the savage." "That's the well-known phrase." "But you're heart becomes full of kettle drum when the sweet potato piper plays." "Go on, throw your hats up." "Shout a few hoorays." "'Cause you can't hold back you're just a j-j-jumpin' jack when the sweet potato piper plays." "Though it's not a magic flute." "There's a fascinating' toot." "It's not exactly beautiful it's sort of like oh I don't know I guess you'd call it cute." "Sunbeams try new dance steps." "Song birds sound their "A"s." "And the world joins in with a g-great big grin when the sweet potato piper plays." "Play it piper." "Well yes." "Naturally." "When the sweet potato piper plays." "Piper." "Get me out of this." "Sunbeams try new dance steps." "Song birds sound their "A"s." "And the world joins in with a great big grin when the sweet potato piper plays." "Now ladies and gentlemen, my little associate here has an item that he wishes to describe to you." "It contains no grit, grime, nor grease." "Made from bark, roots, herbs, and berries." "Tell them butch." "And now folks for your kind indulgence" "I want to introduce "Spotto" the miracle worker." "Remove spots, stains, predators, blemishes of all kinds and descriptions." "And will make your cloths the color of snow." "Pure as the driven snow." "You folks all know what snow is." "No, I guess you don't." "No, I guess you don't." "Who will take the first bottle ladies and gentlemen?" "I'm going to pass among you so that you can inspect it more closely." "There you are sir, "Spotto" the miracle worker." "This is a very special offer friends." "The dollar bottle that has been selling for 50 cents..." " 50 Cents!" " ...is now available for a quarter!" "It's down to a quarter!" " I'll take a dime." " He's dipped to a dine." " A cigar coupon." " Anybody got an old razor blade?" " An old beat-up yam." " A bus ticket." "We're gonna make a fortune alright." "Now wait a minute." "Wait." "Don't sell another bottle." "Just a second." "I have one more attractive offer to make before we close up here." "Yes sir." "Yes sir, I'm going to remove any spot in the crowd free of charge." " A demonstration." " That's it." " Now if somebody will just walk in..." " Yes and we get the..." "Ahhh..." "There's just your man." " There's you man." " Yes sir." " A volunteer." " Gentleman please!" "The suit." " Oh now wait a minute." " Come on now come back." "Where's your broom my good man?" "Tell me have you any spots?" "Only when I open my eyes." "Oh now come come, you must have a spot somewhere." "Ah yes, what is this little blemish here?" "That sailor boys, is my mustache." "Oh ho ho, you ought to cut a fire break in it." "Absolutely, is that your mustache?" "Tell me does your chest ever get jealous of your upper lip?" "Ah a mighty pretty thing." "A mighty prett..." "Ah there's a spot!" "Right there." "Disgusting isn't it." "Well I go." " Oh no." " Not with our spot you don't." "Well the spot she stays but I go!" " Oh now wait a minute." " Come right up here." "We're not going to harm you." "Here you are." "Now watch this folks, an amazing demonstration." "Now if you'll just cast you're..." "Uh uh, ixnay ixnay your over doing it." "Breaking in a new assistant." "But don't worry brother there'll be no extra charge." "Now watch closely folks, I'll have it gone like that." "That's a pretty bad little spot." "How'd that happen?" " Well I was just..." " Don't tell me, is it ink?" "No it couldn't be ink." "He's have to be able to write for that." "Tell me is it soup?" "No, but you're getting hot." "It bubbles a little but it will quiet right down." "Egads!" "It's alive!" "Ah nothing to worry about." "I'll have it out..." "Just like that." "Ah look folks, look, "Spotto"." "That's "Spotto" the housewife's friend, the workingman's delight." "Look at that, just like a platinum blond riding aboard a white horse to a flock of swans." "What am I gonna do with all this lather!" "?" "Oh there's nothing to worry about." "If nobody claims it in 30 days, brother it's yours." "Oh well yes that's alright," "You never have to be alarmed about starto "Spotto"..." "Have you got it there we're taking it on the lamb." "Alright now, just stand by." "I'll just clean off that little spot right here." "There you are my friend." "There you are." "Just like I told you." "No brush, no lather, no spot." "No coat!" "Alright, so I ain't neat." "Fake." "Fake!" "Fake!" "Fake!" "Fine thing, why didn't you try out that stuff before you used it?" "I did once before in Brooklyn." " What happened?" " Same thing." "Ohhhh, carry me back to old Virginny." "Ohhhh, there's where the cotton, and the corn, and the taters grow." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "I've got work to do and you're making a nuisance of your self." "Ah yes, and I'm doing an awfully good job of it too." "I'm going to report you to the police." "Where's Mr. Willow?" "To me your whole attitude is abdominal." "I'm sure that's not the word I mean." "Mr. Willow?" "It's from the home office." "Direct to me." "Probably that you're fired." "Well come on, what does it say?" "None of your business." "It's confidential." "That face!" "Who is that face?" "Mr. Mallon's son." " He's missing." " Missing!" "?" "He's here in Kiagoon." "Oh that's ridiculous." "How could he be in Kiagoon?" "How could he be in Kiagoon?" "Listen I'm walking down the street." "This fellow grabs me." "He takes me by the coat." "I struggle, but I can not get away." "He pulls me." "He pulls me!" " Alright he's here but let me go." " He takes me..." "Then he throws some stuff on me." "He rubs, and rubs, and rubs, and rubs, and scrubs, and scrubs, and scrubs, and scrubs!" "And that's how I know he's in Kaigoon." "Ace, this is for cigarettes." "Thank you." "No Josh, no." "Do not nail them up." "Just put them over the pole." "That is what it is for." "You know that is part of the stove too." "Ou ohhh." "Well that did it!" "That's the last straw!" "Me too!" ""This is for cigarettes Ace."" "Better wash the dishes boys." "Fetch the water, chop the wood." "What are we robots?" "Why this is worse than being married." "Only we're not married." "If we had a wife well..." "Well we'd have a wife instead of cauliflower thumbs." "Yeah, we'll probably wind up with housemaid's knees." "That'd be cute." "Yeah, and if you say anything to her she looks sad at you with those big eyes and you're cooked." " Well she's gotta go." " Yeah." "Well I'll call her in here and..." "and you tell her." "What's a matter with you?" "You tell her." "Well..." "I'll call her in and we'll both tell her." " Alright." " Mima!" "Hey Mima!" "Yes?" "What is it?" " Ace, please." " Oh I'm s..." "Did you want me?" "Uh..." "Ace has got something to tell you yeah." "Yeah well... uh..." "Mima we..." "We been talkin' it over here and ah..." "Wel..." "Well you know we're just a couple of regular guys an an...." "This... this prettying up..." "Yeah you know we..." "The place is good enough for us the way it used to be." " Don't ya think so." " Yeah." " Oh well if you do not like this." " Oh no that's..." "Oh it's not exactly that its..." "Oh I don't know Mima, it just don't seem to work out." "No, that's it, it's just..." "It's just not workin' out." "This stuff." "You know a couple of fellas like us we like to come an go and..." "And having a girl around all the time why it's..." "It's sort of off the elbow or something I don't know it isn't..." "Oh you mean..." "You want me to leave." "Well..." "That's the general idea." "Yea..." "Oh..." "I see." "Well..." "I was cooking these beans a new way." "You must keep adding water, or they will burn." "I think she's leavin'." "Well that was the idea." "You wanted her to go didn't ya'?" "Well you wanted her to go didn't ya'?" " Well she's goin'." " Alright, she's goin'." "Well... there is nothing else to say." "Good bye." "It's not exactly good bye." "We'll be seein' you around." "Yeah, we'll see you around." " This is for cigarettes." " Yeah." "Now let's spread out and get back in the mood." "You know, I thought I handled that pretty well." "Didn't you?" "You did what?" "I handled the situation here pretty well." "This situation?" " Well what else?" "Yeah." " What was I doin' in there?" "Well you were weakening I'll tell you that." "I had to back you up." "You were dig you're toe in there like both the rover boys." "I only gave her the whole idea." "I pack her bags and put her on the bus." "Yeah, but I was the menace." "I was the heavy in the whole piece." "I had my whip right there." "I just gave it to her like that." "But I was the man that really accomplished the final brush off." " You want the bow?" "Take a bow." " Take a little light bow?" " Tada." " That's fine." "That's fine." " You did it all." " I think so." " I'm snookered again." " Possibly." " Thank you very much." " Thank you, good night." "Leave a call." "Oh, well let's get it." "Come on." "Come on!" "Listen I'm not going to argue with you." "I told you you were coming with me and that..." "Well what are you standing there for?" "Go on get in the house and fix those bean." "Didn't you hear what he said?" "Say you better wipe off your feet on this." " Hey." "Hey!" "Where you going?" " Huh?" "I gotta see a man about a job." " What job?" " Just a job." "What are you doing to be doing while I'm gone?" "Oh I don't know." " You just stay in the boat huh?" " What for?" "'Cause I wanta' know where you are." "Aw don't give me that big baby stare." "Now I've been hearing things." "Hearin' what?" "Bout what you been doin' behind my back." " Like what?" " Like walkin' in the woods with Mima." "Well what's wrong with walkin'?" "There ain't nothing wrong with walkin'." "But how about those evenings you spend on the beach holding her hand?" "What hand?" "Never mind what hand." "You have been holding it haven't ya'?" "Well supposing' I have." "Maybe I gotta." " Oh you gotta?" " Yeah I gotta." "If I didn't you'd be doin' it." "And you got no resistance." "I can love 'em and leave 'em." "But the minute they look dreamy at you you send for a preacher." "Yeah and the minute they look dreamy at you their fathers send for the preacher." "So why don't you just lay off protecting me huh?" "But that's our agreement." "No woman, remember?" "Well skip the agreement." "See if you can arrange to stay in the boat." " What's a matter, don't you trust me?" " No." "Look at these messieur." " These better than the others?" " Ah Oui, much much." "For any young lady these would be very elegant messieur." "15 pesocs." " O.K. Wrap 'em up." " Ah oui merci." "Wrap 'em up real nice now." "With a lot of ribbon around them and everything huh." "Oui very nice messieur." "Very nice." "Hey let's put one of these flowers on top." "Lets go first class huh." "Say what are you doin' in here?" "Well I..." "Uh..." "I was just gettin' my self a few things." " Oh yeah?" " Um hm." "How long you been warring' these?" "Alright so you caught me." "Now take a walk will ya'?" "Where'd ya' get the dough?" "My ring!" "You hocked my ring." "Well you never looked good in it anyhow." " There you are messieur." " Oh thank you." "I'll take those." "Say now wait a minute..." " Who's money paid for them?" " Here here..." "Aw now come on." "Wait a minute." "What is this?" " Let me carry it for a while huh?" " It ain't heave." "Takin' my ring." "That's stealing that's what it is." "Guys go to jail for that." "If you wanted it why didn't you ask me?" "I'd of given it to you." "Yeah, you'd give me your knife too, without askin'." "What are you going to say when you give it to her?" "Oh I'll think of somethin'." "Hey now wait a minute." "I know how you work." "What are you going to say to her?" "Oh don't worry about me, I'll think of somethin'." "That's what I'm afraid of." "Get up forward there." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey you double crossin' wolf, how am I gonna get home?" "Aw you'll think of somethin'." "Oh Mima!" " Hello Josh." " I got a present for ya." "Oh but you shouldn't have done that Josh." "Oh why not?" "Here let me save the flower." " The way you're wasting money on me." " Oh we don't need it that bad." "I just hope you like them that's all." "Nice?" "Oh their wonderful." "Just wonderful Josh." "Oh, I've never had a pair of silk stockings in my life before." "Well I had to sort of guess about the size." "You know, I didn't know exactly what you wore." "Such pretty colors." "Look how soft and smooth." "Oh, guaranteed not to rip, run, or bag at the knees." "You and Ace shouldn't have done this." "Ace?" "He had nothing to do with it." "He said we had no business spending the money." "He's a nice enough guy alright, that Ace." "But he's a little on the tight side." "I said why it's only money, and if Mima what's them I'm gonna buy them for her." "So I bought them." "The most wonderful present I've ever had." "Where is Ace?" "Oh, he'll be along in a minute." "There was a girl he had to see I think." "A girl?" "That's Ace, he's chasing dames all the time." "I did not know Ace was like that." "Oh yes." "With Ace it's a new one every minute." "He'll sit on the beach with them, and hold hands, and he'll leave them flat just like that." " He will?" " Yes." "I promise you I know this Ace Lannigan." "I know how he works." "And I'm the best friend he's got." "I'm so afraid of night 'cause I'm too romantic." "Moonlight and stars have made such a fool of me." "You know you're much too near, and I'm too romantic." "Now wouldn't I look a sight on a bended knee." "I'm startled when you whisper." "I'll run if you should sigh." "I must be so careful or I'll kiss my heart good bye." "You shouldn't let me dream, 'cause I'm too romantic." "Don't make me fall unless, it could all come true." "How can you say to me that you're too romantic?" "Well I mean it, I'm really sincere about it." "Moonlight and stars have had no effect on you." "Oh yes they have." "I remember a little girl once at the junior prom." "We were..." "What if I am too near and you're too romantic." "Well that's dangerous." "Don't you see?" "You being near and me..." "I'm half afraid you wouldn't know what to do." "Well they tell me in that spot your first impulse is the best one." "I'll tell you in a whisper the reason for my sigh." "And if you believe me..." "You can kiss you're heart good bye." "Um hm, that's what I'm afraid of." "I wouldn't harm your dream 'cause you're too romantic." "Now you're catchin' on." "And if you fall..." "Well then it would all come true." "Josh!" "I don't agree at all Gloria." "I've tried reasoning with him and got nowhere." "But there are different degrees of reasoning." "You're idea is to jump up and down and hit people on the head with a baseball bat." "Do you know of any better way of handling Josh?" "Why do you suppose I came along?" "Oh I'm famished." "I'm so hungry my spare tire's deflated." "Well pretty near." "Not those poor bones again." "I think perhaps they will make soup once more." "I think they've earned a rest." "How 'bout some flapjacks, huh?" "Where's the flower?" " Ace took it." " Ace took it?" " Um hm." " Where is he?" "He's right out side." "Ace what..." "What are you doing with our flower?" "!" "Boy are we gonna eat from now on." " What eat that muck?" " No this is for cockroaches." "That's beautiful, we're staving to death and you're feedin' cockroaches." "No no." "This is "Scramo"." "The miracle exterminator." "I'm going to put it up in little jars and sell it for two bits a throw." " That stuff won't kill cockroaches." " It will if they eat it." "Suppose they get picky and refuse." "Yeah well we'll just stuff it down their throats." "Uh uh." "I never thought I'd stoop to this." "What do you got there sonny?" " You see what it is." " Yeah that's food huh?" " What are you going to do with it?" " Take it home." "Say I bet a kid like you could have a lot of fun with a knife like this." "It's practically new." "Ah..." "It's no good." "What do you mean no good?" "It's one of the..." "Stop it!" "Hello rugged." "Uh where did you get all this food?" " At the feast." " Feast?" "Where?" "Over there." "They are giving food away." "Ohhh, there giving food away." "Well come on!" "Let's get Mima!" "The feast is only for natives." "Natives?" "Go get that "Scramo" and bring it in here." " The "Scramo"?" " Bring it right in here." "What are you doing?" "!" "Are you going crazy?" "!" "No, we're going native and you're going along with us." "Look out!" "What is this?" "This might not be any good for cockroaches but it's going to be good for us." "Uh..." "Uh..." "Um sooky dooky waky?" "Naw no sooky dooky." "Oh sooky dooky bicarbonate of soda." "Hokey dokey." "Sooky dooky?" "One for Monday." "Sooky dooky." "Hey..." "Nicky poo over there is sure giving' you the business." "I think she's the local dress maker." "What'd he do with the match?" "He just gave his stomach the hot foot." "So this is where he lives ay." "Charming view." "I imagine on a clear day one can see the cannibals eating a missionary." "So this is what he left home for." "Well where is he?" "That I wish I knew." "Look!" "Look!" "What have I got here?" "It is his cap." " It is his cap." " It is his cap!" "Why are you saying to me what I'm saying to you?" "It is his cap." " Well?" " Mr. Mallon this boy he see them go away." "Well go on, ask him where they went." "What'd he say?" "There at the feast." "Oh, I never should have eaten that last duck." "I do not feel so good my self." "Would you like me to rub you're back?" "Oh that's not where they are." "Care for some fruit?" "Oh check." "Check." "File 'em." "How often they give these little taffy-pulls?" "Once a year." "Ahh that's a long time between meals." " Here I go again." " What came in?" "Where is Josh going?" "Oh where's he always goin'." "He sees a pair of big brown eyes and he starts doin' nip-ups." "Give him a girl, a moon and some stars and he goes haywire." "In fact just give him a girl." "I did not know Josh was like that." "Oh sure he is, I know him." "I know how he works." "And I'm the best friend he's got." "Hey, they have jitterbugs down here too?" "Hey, what's cookin' here?" "That's free wheeling." "Well, pardon me." " No." " She want's to play." " No!" " Well I have to be courteous." "It is a marriage ceremony." "Each girl chooses a man to dance with her." "If they like each other it means they are to be married." "This is the way they pick their husbands." "The way they pick their husbands!" "?" "How do you say scram in Kaigoon?" " Go away!" "He is mine." " Spread out." "Whew, that was a close one." "In another minute she'd of had a wedding ring through my nose." "Hey, how do you like that he's chasing her into the woods." "That is part of the ceremony." "Yeah and if he catches her he gets a set of dishes huh?" "Boy what a swell spot to open a hot-dog stand." "Hey, there marrying them off like flies." "Josh!" " She's got Josh!" " Josh!" "?" "Gosh!" "No Ace wait..." " You can't go in there." " Why not?" " You must dance." " Well let's dance." " How am I doin' bubbles?" " Break it up will you." "Break it up." "Get away, I'm dancing my way into food for the winter." " No no!" "She has chosen you as husband!" " Huh!" "?" "You're practically out of circulation." "That's the wedding march." "Well get me out of here." "Send for the marines!" " What are you doin'?" " I'm a decoy." "Hey make a break for it." "Here comes Ferdinand." "Get me outta here!" "He's here somewhere." "There he is!" " What is that?" " That is your son Mr. Mallon." "Josh." "Josh!" "What the devil are you doing?" "Dr. Livingston I presume." "Hello Skipper." "Hello Gloria." "Hello Josh." "Have you gone completely mad?" "Uh, she's marrying me." " It's about time." " No, that's not Mima." "Mima's over there." "Go ahead take five." "I'll see you." "Later." "This is the most disgraceful thing you've ever done." "You're coming home with us!" "And you're coming right now!" " But I can..." " Come on!" "Never mind Josh." "When we get home we'll play Indian ever Friday night." "Oh I don't know." "I don't wanna..." "And that girl who is that girl?" "Aw that's Gloria Wycott." "Josh is engaged to her." "She is very beautiful." "It's the craziest thing I ever heard of." "Josh, you..." "I don't know where you get it from but it's lunacy." "Just plain lunacy." "You mean to say you'd rather stay here and live in that... that... that pigsty?" "Than to go home where you belong and live like a civilized human being?" "Now put down that baseball bat and let me talk to him." "Josh... you remember me?" "Don't you?" "The Wycott girl." "Oh why sure." "Well now here's the general idea." "We're going to take a nice long leisurely cruse home." "Give you time to get over eating with you're fingers." "And then every night in the moonlight" "I'll whisper sweet nothings into your ear." "Well you wouldn't want me now if" "I didn't want to go back with you would you?" "After all, there's some things around here I kinda like." "Yes, I saw one of them." "And I don't blame you." "But Josh you've never see me in a sarong." "I'm quite a dish." "Well sure you are Gloria." "But it just happens that..." "I told you." "I told you." "You're just wasting your time." "Now I want no more nonsense out of you." "We're sailing tomorrow morning and you're going with us." "But why would he want to live here?" "Just like he's a... a nobody." "Why did he come with you in the first place?" "Oh I don't know." "That's Josh for you." "Do you think he will..." "go back with her?" "Yeah I guess so." "He always said they'd get him in the end." "Maybe it is better that way." "That girl... she is very pretty." "Aw Gloria is alright I guess." "But for my money I'll take a little homemaker." "But Ace you always said that you..." "Yeah, but a fella has to learn hasn't he?" "Take when I came here, with Josh." "Why we didn't even have a place to put our cigarette butts." "Used to kick them through a hole in the floor." "And I wanna' tell you Mima, when I guy does that he's sunk pretty low." "Has he?" "Yeah." "And then you came." "And look at the joint now." "Why it's a home." "You like a home?" "Oh sure I do." "Nothing but roaming' around." "Eatin' in hash joints." "Half the time with no toes in my socks." "I wanna tell you I wouldn't ask a dog to do that." "Well I said it." "You said what?" "Oh for peat-sakes Mima, I'm askin' you to marry me." "Ace you are very sweet." "Am I?" "Sure enough?" "Hiya fellas." "Josh!" "Hey, what are you doin' back here?" "Oh I abdicated." "From now on I'm gonna be nothin' but a nothin'." "Just like you two." "You are not going back?" "No." "They're sailin' tomorrow but I'm gonna sticking' around." "I gotta protect my interests." "Hey wait a minute..." "I got a little stock in this corporation too." "Well what is this?" "You don't seem to be very happy that I'm stayin'." "Well you got a girl." "Why don't ya' go on home with her?" " Ya' can't have everybody." " Why not?" "'Cause I got some ideas my self." "That's why not." "Just when I start doin' alright you come hopping' back." "Why you dopey lookin' cluck." "You're kidding." "You in love." "Well what's a matter with that?" "Dopier lookin' clucks than me have been in love." "Well name one." "Yeah well what's the difference between me and you?" "I'm human ain't I?" "Well there's been some complaints." "Yeah?" "Well I don't go around singing', or spouting' a lot of hooey but that don't mean I don't love her." "I love her more than you do." "What do you think of that?" "There I said it." "Yeah you said it alright." "You're just givin' her the same line of chatter you give every gal before you run out on 'em." "Well how do you like that?" "I suppose you didn't run out on Gloria." "Now wait a minute." "Let me tell you something I'm in love with her my self." "What do you know about that?" "Yeah well I want to marry her." "What do you think about that?" "So do I." "Why do you suppose I'm staying here, sending them on home with out me." "Josh..." "Ace, please." "Well let's settle this right now." "She picks one of us and the other one is out." "Well you can't put her in a spot like this." "Suppose she doesn't what either one of us?" "What's a matter you scared?" "Well alright, you asked for it." "Well there you are Mima which one?" "I'm sorry Josh." "Say I'm doin' alright for a dopey lookin' cluck." "I hope you know just how good you are doin'." "Well Mima..." "He'll cause you a lot of trouble and never make a quarter." "But he'll hand ya' a million laughs." "Uh..." "Captain." "Uh..." "Captain!" "I would like to know something." "I would like to know if to stay in this country a man must have a passport?" " You have not got one?" " Oh yes I've got one." "But I know one fellow who has not." " Who is he?" " He's and American sailor he lives..." "Hello." "Hello!" "Anybody home?" "!" "Are you Lannigan?" "You haven't got a daughter that's getting married have you?" " No." "Why?" " Then I'm Lannigan." "What do you want?" "Your passport." "Let me see it." " My what?" " Your passport." "Oh yeah, yeah." "I had it right here." "Yeah I g..." "Oh a Mima..." "Uh, did you send my other suit out to the cleaners?" "Oh yes." "It had spots all over it and I did not think of looking through the pockets." "Yeah..." "Uh she sent it out to the cleaners." "If you come back tomorrow..." "Well well that is too bad." "Wait a minute." "Boy what I'd give for a patty-cake." " Come on." "Get going." " What are you going to do with him?" "We're going to deport him." "You know you're much too near, and I'm too romantic." "Wouldn't I look a sight on a bended knee." "I'm startled when you whisper." "I'll run if you should sigh." "I must be so careful or I'll kiss my heart good bye." "You shouldn't let me dream, 'cause I'm too romantic." "Don't make me fall unless it could all..." " Oh." " Are you about ready for some bridge?" "Yeah I'm ready." "Oh darling, you've kept us waiting for hours." "I'm sorry." "Let's go down huh?" "Look at that gorgeous moon." "Certainly is lovely isn't it?" "Take your prisoner to the boat." "Hey wait a minute." "What kind of racket is this?" "Wait a minute." "Listen you fellas..." "You're gonna get in trouble for this." "I know some big people." " Tell them hello from me." " Tell them hello for you." "I aughta'..." "Ace!" "Ace, where are you." " Ace." " What do you want?" " Where is that gentlemen?" " He is already gone." "Come on." "Come on." "What is the matter with you?" " No." "No!" " Come on." "Shut up!" "Come on, hurry along, we're ready to sail." "Come on men." " Here is the paper." " Ah that's fine." "What's the matter with him." "He's nuts." "Oh, as you say in you're language "He's nuts"." "Oh no he is..." "Come on men." "Get him out of here." "Come on." "Come on, get him out." "Ace!" "Ace." "Wait a minute." "There!" "There you take his sweetheart." "She will tell you." " They are taking him away." " Oh Ace!" "Ace!" "Ace darling." "Oh officer you can not take him." "You can not." " No" " I love him." "He has not done anything." "Madam my heart she bleeds, but what can I do?" " It's not true!" " Come woman, come." "Come on, get him aboard." "Get him aboard." "Come on." "You're alright." "You think fast." " We must leave here fast." " Yeah, we're hot." "Go ahead." "There is another boat sailing tonight, the "Star of Asia"." "The first mate's a friend of mine." "I used to borrow money from him." "And when we land someplace I'll get a job." "Steady I mean." "Aw gee that's a laugh." "Me workin'." "And one of these days I'll get you all dolled up and we'll walk in on Josh and Gloria and will they keel over." "Boy." "We'll get married right away huh?" "Yes Ace." "Right away." "Gee, I sure spin around in side every time I look at you." "Guess that must be love huh?" "Everything looks so good, feels so good." "The air and everything." "That the way you feel?" "Yes that is the way I feel." "We'll get along fine." "We'll be very happy." "Why did you do it Mima?" "Do what?" "Well what's the use of kidding our self's." "It's just not there." "I'd know if it was." "Do not talk that way Ace." " We will get married and..." " Oh no we won't." "It's Josh you want isn't it?" "No." "Josh is where he should be." "Oh so that's it." "You went noble huh?" "No." "No it is just that I saw that girl and his father and I knew that he was not for me." "Forgive me Ace." "Please forgive me." "Josh Sir Malcome is a very important man." "They don't hold these boats for everyone." "I want you to be particularly nice to him." "Sir Malcome's in a position to swing me couple million dollars worth of business." "I've never heard of such a thing." "Never!" "In all my life." "Why Sir Malcome, what happened?" "Some blithering idiot back there on shore pulled me out of the crowd and nearly ripped the coat off." " That's all?" " Chucked a lot of muck all over me." "Sir Malcome..." ""Spotto"!" "That's it "Spotto"!" "Slobbered it all over me." "Where?" "W-w-w-where was this?" "How the blazes do I know?" "Down the block a few streets." "Here, where are you going?" "Josh!" "Come back here." "That little scene my friend is called spurned at the alter." "Or the sailors farewell." "Say, have you see a fella with a sweet potato selling soap?" " No sir." "You want to buy something?" " No I gotta..." "Oh Ace!" "Ace!" "Oh Ace!" "And now watch "Spotto" the miracle worker!" "I want you to step right up and take a bottle of this home." "The usual dollar bottle sells for fifty cents." "I'm not gonna ask a quarter." "I'm not gonna even ask a dine." "But if anybody's got a hot nickel come on step up and get this bottle of "Spotto"." "One hot nickel." "That's all." "Come on, who want's a bottle?" "I'll take a dozen bottles." "There's a man who'll take a..." "Josh!" "Josh, Josh." "How are you Josh?" "I've been trying to send you a wedding present all over the world." "Weddi..." "Why we didn't get married." "You didn't get..." "No." "You're the dopey looking cluck she wants." " Me?" " Yeah you." "Step in." "Ohh, Mima." "Oh Josh." "Say look folks, you know what brought this happy couple back together again?" "It's "Spotto", the magic love potion." "Only one dollar a bottle." "Come in, get happy." "Reunites lovers." "Cupid in a bottle." "And he ruined my suit." " Yeah?" " Yes." "Come on." "I pay him for it and you see what it is." "Come on, you go with us." "Here we go again." "Josh, beef." "What's a matter here?" "You ruined his suit now you come with us." " Yeah I know, I'm terrible sorry." " Here here, time, time now." "Take it easy." "Josh, I'm going with them." "Oh, you're going with them?" "Yes, I'm going with them." " Will you be gone long?" " Oh I'll check back from time to time." "Oh capital." "Good." "I'll take over while your gone." " Yes do, do." " But don't for get..." "Patty-cake patty-cake bakers man." "Bake a cake as fast as you..."