"When they write a book with my life" "What section will i be in" "Mystery?" "Horror?" "Romance?" "Or just misfile then in the back of the military history" "No,i can't do like this.." "I can't" "Sure you can" "Just hold on the 'civil war', put your foot on the 'korean conflict'" "What?" "No, no, you have to break up with chloe" "Alright?" "You said you were going to...now here we are" "Sneaking around...thank you for helping me" "No,thank you" "I'm serious,alright?" "No more fooling around until you tell her" "I will,i will do it today,i promise!" "Ok" "I want to be with you on your brithday" "I want to start clean with you." "I'll be part of your life again." "It's my birthday?" "!" "So anyway,my mom is going to throw me a birthday party" "And i gonna have a cake,and icecream" "And hats" "No i dont like it cause they sound like bees" "And i want you to be in charge the guests list,ok?" "Me?" "Hey...i've got to invite" "Your mom,and your dad,and andrea" "And me,and..." "Ok,that's it" "What do you want for a gift?" "I don't know,i feel like i have everything i want,you know?" "A new chance in my life," "Like great friends and family" "And when todd breaks up with chloe" "A new boyfriend." "Really?" "Is he gonna break up with her to be with you?" "Yeah,that is because she is a totally loon" "And emotinal,and a little unstable" "You know what?" "Switch with me," "I don't want my back to the door" "Yeah" "Move" "I want someone behind me today to look my good hair" "What were you doing?" "My mon is throwing me a brithday party," "So just figure out who's coming" "No one's coming" "We don't do brithdays" "We go to the spa,we fast all day," "We rap us out in seaweed,we sweat out our toxon" "I want piniauda" "Oh yeah!" "Oh my god,it's chloe and todd" "Dock get down,get down andrea ,get down" "What are you doing?" "Todd is breaking up with chloe today" "And i'd like to say she's taking it very well." "Hey,what do you doing here" "Nothing" "Just came by to see how the breakup went" "How chloe takes it" "Pretty well" "Good" "Because i was afraid she has trouble understanding you" "With your tongue in her mouth" "?" "You read the crime" "What?" "Todd!" "You know what...i would not have been fooling around with you" "If you've been breaking up with her already!" "This was supposed to be just a little overlap," "But now the longer that you keep your girlfriend," "The longer i am just a boyfriend-Stealing whore." "You're making me into a whore, todd." "I was gonna tell her, but her aunt is sick." "Her aunt is sick?" "Yeah, she just found out her aunt wendy," "Who practically raised her," "Was admitted to st." "Sofia's hospital." "But you know what?" "If you break up with her now," "She could just meet somebody there." "I mean, a hospital's kind of like a nightclub." "You know, they got" " They got cute people" "And skimpy outfits and--And drugs." "That's not really what she's thinking about." "Yeah, well, maybe it's because she doesn't know" "That you promised to spend my birthday with me." "Now you're putting chloe's feelings before mine" "Because she is feeling vulnerable, but you know what?" "You don't think that i'm feeling vulnerable?" "I am turning one!" "Oh, andrea." "Honey, do we need any drinking done?" "!" "Sorry, dear." "Check back next week." "Ha ha ha!" "Always funny." "Yeah!" "Okay, i'm gonna make this quick," "Then you can get back to your nap." "Samantha is not having her birthday party here." "No one is driving a half an hour to the sticks to play twister" "And watch a slide show of your trip to akron." "That was a great party." "Samantha's birthday party will be at my place on saturday." "You can come or not." "I'd love to," "But i'm having samantha's birthday party that night." "It's too bad that you can't make it." "Okay, okay, that's enough." "Regina, i hate taking sides against you, and i know i'll pay" "For this for years to come," "But, you know, maybe sam would prefer a party in the city" "You know, something hip, you know, for the kids." "Are you telling me" "That you didn't like your last birthday party?" "People loved making their own place mats." "It was great." "But i'm talking about a real city party," "You know, like you see in the magazines" "Where--Where celebrities show up," "Like espn sideline reporter suzy kolber." "Come on." "We'll make a night of it." "Well, okay." "But i do the food." "That part's always a hit." "I mean, who doesn't love ambrosia salad?" "So no todd on my birthday because of some sick aunt." "We should get a todd piyata.Like a todd-Yata." "So i've called 21 people, and they all have jury duty." "On a saturday night?" "There must be some really big trial or something." "No, there's no trial." "These people are just making up lies to get out of something" "That they don't wanna do." "Oh, my god." "I do not want to go over to his place." "He's gonna break up with me." "I could tell it." "I could tell it in his voice." "Then don't--Don't let him." "He has no right to break up with you," "Not when your favorite cousin is in the hospital on his deathbed." "I don't have a cousin in the hospital." "You bet your ass you do." "Oh!" "Yes." "Cousin what's-His-Name." "Yeah." "So you go to the hospital," "You find the name of someone who's actually there," "Just in case he sends flowers or something." "Then if he gets suspicious and he goes there," "Just put a picture of yourself next to the sick guy's bed." "It's airtight." "Bam." "You just bought yourself a boyfriend through valentine's day." "Oh!" "Can i train with you, master?" "The way of the samurai is a lonely path, darling." "Here you go, ladies." "Oh!" "From these gentlemen right over there." "But maybe not so lonely tonight." "Sick aunt." "Chloe is lying." "Once i prove that," "Todd will have no problem breaking up with her," "And he will be mine... and in time for my birthday." "So todd is coming?" "Yeah." "Okay, 'cause this thing is really starting to fill up." "Gotta stretch it out, you know?" "Help you?" "Oh!" "Hey there." "Um... nurse." "Hi." "Yeah, i'm just looking" "For my, um, aunt wendy." "Last name?" "It's just wendy." "Always been wendy to me." "Aunt wendy." "She's sick." "Don't have a wendy here." "Ha ha!" "Thank you very much." "She's lying." "Ha!" "I win." "I got a gwendolyn." "You are a worthy adversary indeed." "Sorry." "Did you need more time?" "No." "No." "Oh, god!" "Yes." "Okay." "Sam?" "Please take this woman safely into the..." "Bosom and grace of your all-Knowing arms." "Amen." "Hi, chloe." "I was just... helping this poor woman off to her reward." "What are you doing here?" "Oh, chloe." "Look, i-I know that we've had our differences," "But, you know, when i found out about your aunt," "I just--I just wanted to put all those things aside" "And just" " And just be with you." "Hi, auntie wendy." "And there she is" " Your aunt." "Ha!" "Well.... congratulations." "No, um, not congratulations." "I'm sorry." "Uh, condolences." "No, that's--No, cause that's not right," "Cause she's not... she's not dead." "Congratulations!" "Well, i'm off." "Hey, frank." "I was thinking how it must be gratifying," "Doing your job," "Being such an important part of all these people's lives," "You know, comin' and goin' here." "There's talk of replacing me with a motion-Sensing mat." "You like birthday cake?" "Hey, todd, listen, um, i've done a 180" "On this whole you breaking up with chloe dealio." "I-I don't think you should break up with her yet." "I-I" "You know, i was thinking about her aunt, and you're right." "You know, she's really, really sick," "So why don't you just call me back" "After you do not break up with her?" "Do not." "Okay." "Uh, bye." "Hi." "So... i go to get my suit out of the cleaners" "For your birthday party," "And the guys there can't stop laughing." "They say they're waiting to see who picks up this suit" "So they can see what his time machine looks like." "Well, i'm sorry i don't dress like the internet." "I know." "It's strange that i just showed up here," "But... i found your dress" "When i was going through todd's computer last week," "And i need to talk to you." "Yeah." "Todd... broke up with me." "Oh?" "Yeah." "Okay." "I really..." "What?" "Need a friend right now." "All right." "There, there." "There." "You know what?" "Your hands are a little close to my neck." "Just don't... yeah, all right." "Okay, that's better." "There, there." "There,here." "Dad?" "That i'm the one that you wanna talk to?" "Well, yeah." "Why not?" "I know you were with todd." "You do?" "No, i wasn't." "When?" "For three... years." "Oh, this amnesia thing is really tiring." "I'm sorry." "Oh, yeah." "No." "I know." "When you showed up to the hpital to support me," "That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me." "I think maybe i misjudged you." "Yeah, well, it happens." "But you know what?" "You seem okay." "I-I mean, it's probably good" "To just get all this just bad news out of the way." "In fact, i'm sure that you're probably more upset" "About your aunt than you are about todd, huh?" "No," "I'm more upset about todd." "Are you sure?" "Cause you know what?" "I saw your aunt,she wasn't looking so great." "Sammy?" "Hi." "I can't go to this thing tonight looking like a hayseed," "So... i'm off to the suit barn." "Bye." "Okay." "Yeah." "He could come back at any second," "So just so you know." "Oh, my god!" "Look at this." "Oh, don't have a fit." "I'll clean it up." "No, it's not that." "I just have never been in here." "I wasn't even sure if the appliances were real." "Hmm." "Oh, come on." "You must have cooked breakfast for hundreds of young men." "I can cook, you know." "I just usually go out." "That must be nice" " Clubs, restaurants." "Yeah." "Sometimes it's nice to stay in." "I bet you travel a lot, too, don't you?" "Yeah, on business." "Where's the" "Where's the farthest you've ever been?" "I don't know." "Marrakech?" "Marrakech." "Oh, my god." "How exotic." "Mm." "Howard and i haven't been" "Anywhere but pensacola for years." "He won't fly." "He hates to take his shoes off in front of people." "But i'm hopeful." "I keep bing travel magazines." "Okay, do not tell anyone this," "But once a year i buy "good housekeeping"" "The issue with... 100 holiday ideas." "Me, too!" "You know, andrea, you could make this kitchen fun to use." "You could have everything out in the open." "You could hang a pot rack here over the stove." "Oh," "Like i can hang a pot rack." "Well, yeah, my husband does those things for me." "See, i need that.A man with tools" " It's very hot." "I can use a man like that." "Howard has shingles." "So anyway, todd and i were just about to record" "A new outgoing message" ""Hi." "It's the home of todd and chloe." "Leave a message, whether friend or foe-Y."" "Yway, so he was supposed to do "friend or foe-Y,"" "And all of a sudden,he said, "this isn't working out."" "And i knew he meant us," "Cause i've had that message for years." "People love it." "He gave no reason at all?" "Nope." "But i know he's seeing someone." "You do?" "How can you?" "No, you can't." "Because he's todd." "That's what he does." "What's what he does?" "Not leave someone until he has someone else." "You know, like how he was with you before he left" "His previous girlfriend," "And he and i were making out for a full two weeks" "Before he finally broke it off with you." "So, howard, you enjoying your city party?" "Even samantha didn't bother to come." "Oh, the place will fill up." "They're just fashionably late." "You know, some of these people, these glitterati" "They don't roll in until at least 8:30." "Look at you." "Very nice." "Yes, yes, he knows." "Moving along." "Look at me." "My shoes are all wrong." "Thankfully, no one will see me" "Since you didn't get anyone here!" "I did so!" "This is not everyone." "Other people are coming!" "See?" "Hello." "I wasn't going to come," "But my wife doesn't want me around" "During our daughter's homework time." "She says i get impatient." "It's just decimals, for god sake." "You move it one place for every tenth." "How hard is that?" "I'm going to want some wine." "Okay." "Now..." "Everyone's here" "Why didn't you tell me?" "I know 15 eurotrash partiers who can be here in 5 minutes." "It's samantha's birthday party." "You can't fill it with strangers." "She has amnesia." "Start dialing." "Happy birthday." "Thank you." "Um..." "Before we go to the party," "I-I need to ask, uh, something... quick." "Were you" "Were you fooling around with chloe" "Before you broke up with me?" "You look really pretty." "Were you ever gonna tell me about it?" "I did... before the accident." "Oh, god, don't." "You can't pull it off." "Well, i'm sorry i'm not as good a liar as you." "I mean, you were able to sleep with the french guy" "Without me knowing" "I can't believth you're gonna bring up ren right now." "Really?" "You know, because i think it's a perfect time" "To bring him up." "But you didn't know about that until after we broke up." "Well, you didn't know about chloe until after we broke up." "That is very different." "How?" "Because i am not like that anymore." "That was bad sam," "And you're just, you know, same todd." "I don't wanna live like that." "I have nothing to hide." "Hide!" "You know, to an outside observer," "This might not seem like a very healthy relationship." "You sure?" "Okay." "Anybody?" "Oh!" "Oh, frank, my hands are kinda full." "Could you get that, please?" "Nope." "I'm off the clock." "I don't open doors." "I won't call you a cab, and i won't find you" "An escort service." "Good ambrosia, though." "Oh, thank you." "Would you have broken up with chloe if i hadn't pushed you?" "What?" "You wanna talk about this now?" "You got somewhere to be?" "Okay." "Yes." "No, you would not." "Shh!" "How do you know about chloe and me?" "Because she told me." "Oh." "Because this is what you do, right?" "Because you can't be alone." "You just" "You just swing from girl to girl like monkey bars." "Why is chloe talking to you, anyway?" "Because that... you know... it's not important." "Well, while you two were sharing," "Did you tell her you and i have been making out?" "No, todd." "I-I think that the girl has been through enough." "Don't you?" "Bad sam!" "Stop that!" "She's coming!" "What?" "She's coming." "Move, move out of my way!" "Get down!" "Ohh!" "Oh, god!" "Oh, god, you scared me." "Oh, yeah, yeah, you scared me, too." "I thought you were" " I thought you were todd." "What are you doin'?" "Oh, i was just getting some... shoes" "To wear for my birthday party." "You didn't say you were having a party." "Oh, yeah." "Well, it was a" " It's a surprise." "But... you already know." "Oh, shoot." "I ruined the surprise." "What?" "I don't know." "I can't... i can't do this." "I can't do this." "I'm sorry, chloe." "Todd and i are together." "Oh, my god." "You're so pathetic." "I know you have amnesia and everything," "But you tried this already, remember?" "Where's todd supposed to be this time?" "Huh?" "Where is he?" "Oh, in the bathroom?" "No, you did that one." "Oh, maybe he's in the closet, huh?" "Maybe he's in here." "That would be devastating." "I thought you were my friend." "You came to the hospital and everything." "Oh, my god." "Uh, you two deserve each other." "Good luck." "The hospital?" "It doesn't matter, okay?" "She's right." "I mean, look at us." "Yeah, chloe's gone, and i am sitting here," "But maybe i'm sitting here because i'm not her." "Or maybe i'm sitting here because you just can't be alone." "You know, now with you, i don't know if i'm me" "Or i'm just not her." "Well, are you saying you don't want us to be together?" "No, i'm just saying" "That i am so tired of being not someone." "It's time for me to be someone." "Maybe if we were different people or..." "And we had never met, then we could have a fresh start," "But we're not." "You still have stuff here, you know." "I'll always have stuff here, todd." "So "the book of sam" is ready for volume two" "A stack of blank pages and no better way to begin" "Than celebrating my 1st birthday" "With my parents, my friends" "And my remarkably attractive" "And diverse seventh grade class" "Make a wish and blow." "A good one, make a good one." "Ooh." "That was great." "I want that candle when you're done." "Hey." "Hey." "What's going on?" "Oh, i'm sorry." "Uh.." "Hi." "My name's todd." "Um... samantha." "Yeah." "I think i've seen you at the coffee place." "Yeah, i usually don't do this, but, um, here's my number." "Call me... sometime if you wanna get together." "Thanks." "Balloons." "You--You got 21 people, so you make 20 cuts." "Oh." "Give me the knife." "Give me--I can do" "Give it." "Give it." "Thank you." "Hold this." "I get to cut the first piece, right?" "Get cutting'." "Square plates for a round cake." "Who wants cake?" "This is amazing, mom." "Thank you so much."