" Who is he?" " He is the messiah of the fallen angels." "You're very hard on him." "I've got good reason to be." "You're a sad little dyke getting her rocks off, hanging around girls who can't even see you." "Get to work, or I may have to kill him myself." "When you look at him, what do you see?" "A demon sent to snare me." "Arrogant bastard!" "Or a perfect fit, body and soul." "You won't regret it!" "I know..." "I know you've got every right to be angry." "And that what I said the other day was completely unacceptable." "I'm just trying to find a way of dealing with it, you know?" "I mean, biologically speaking, I'm six months old, and I've lost my mother, my father, and any other family I might have... aren't exactly the kind you'd want me to have for tea." "So, I guess I came with things the wrong way." "That is the understatement of the year." "You're not going to let me make it up to you?" "You know, that cheeky grin male charm thing ain't going to work on me." "I guess I'm not exactly your type." "I only have one type these days." "Completely bloody unavailable." "Say, which would you have, if you could?" "She's cute." "Malachi, I'm not having this conversation with you." "Come on, Thelma, you're lonely, I've seen you." "Contemplating eternity on your own is going to get you down." "I find my life pretty frightening." "So, hypothetically speaking, which one do you like?" "She's alright." "Yeah, if you want to hit the sun with a bag of binds." "OK." "What about her?" "Yeah, definitely her." "I can see that working." "Oh, my god." "You should look her up, Thelma." "You know how hard it is being a lesbian ghost." "Who is it?" "Did you know it's actually a physical impossibility... to light 446 candles at once?" "Happy birthday." "How did you know?" "I'm just good in my old historical research." "Blow them all then." "You know, sometimes you are no fun." "Leon, this is really sweet, but don't normally celebrate." "Yeah, well, you're lucky you've got me then, aren't you?" "I've had a lot of birthdays." "Not like this one, you haven't." " What's this?" " Open it and you'd see." " Do you like it?" " Oh, my God." "It's too much." "But you like it?" "It's beautiful!" "Good." "See, I wasn't sure 'cause there was that one and another one, and I'd usually ask Roxanne, but..." " Will you wear it tonight?" " What's tonight?" "You'll see." "So, what exactly is the plan for tonight?" " If I told you, I'd have to kill you, and that might really upset the world order." "Hey!" "Looking forward to tonight, birthday girl." "You're kidding, right?" "He was there when I fixed it." "I didn't have much choice." "Leon, we're mortal enemies." "Well, we kind of owe him, don't we?" "For what?" "He could have killed you." "And I for one I'm really grateful that he didn't." "You didn't listen to me in the first place." "When it comes to sword fights, hails don't mean anything." "I didn't think you'd be into mortal pleasures." "Birthdays, Christmas..." "Next you'll be hanging up Easter eggs and praising the resurrection." " Do you want something?" " Yeah." "You taught me how you feel about me." "No." "I just wanted to say thank you for not killing me." "It was very generous in the circumstances." "So, are you going to hang up your voltor and come over to my side?" "There is only one outcome for you and me, Malachi, so you better stop praying." "Touchy." "Who are you trying to convince?" "No one." "When I kill you, it will be for me and me alone." "No one, Ella?" "You've been following a plan all your life." "And then the other night you started to deviate from it." "Since then your whole world has fallen apart." "Now you stopped thinking about what you should be doing, and you can't help thinking about what you want to do." " Give me a break." " Happily." "You can stand there philosophizing all you like." "How could you possibly be interesting to me?" " You haven't lived a life." " Oh, and Leon has." "Let me take you on a proper date." "You and I both know that marking the years is meaningless." "We'll still be around after all this is past." "Think about it, Ella." "Could there really be a better fate?" "He's driving me insane." "That's what he does best." "Every time I turn around he's there with that smug look on his face." "I think he's labouring under the illusion of the two of you meant to be together." "Yeah, well he's wrong." "Thelma," "I think I've messed up." "Why?" "I've allowed myself to one thing I can't have." "Like a pony?" "No." "Like a normal life." "Someone to look after me, someone to grow old with." "That's perfectly understandable." "It's not going to get me anywhere though, is it?" "And even worse:" "I'm going to drag other people down with me." "Leon really cares about me, but... we can't a have a future together." "You know, he's not like us, is he?" "Who is?" "Apart from the obvious." "You still deserve a shot of happiness." "A mean that." "Our lives are way too long to spend them miserable." "So start thinking about yourself for a change." "Now, are you still worrying or going to have a good time?" " You want to come?" " No." "I've got my own happiness to screw up." "Looks almost as good as you do, my darling." "Look I can't ask for knife and fork?" " No, you bloody well can." " I never wanted to go China." " I bet you've been, haven't you?" " Ella has." " I thought that was Japan." " It was a long time ago." "Is there anywhere you haven't been?" "I'm going around the world when we finish." "Backpacking across Thailand does not make you wise." "I'm sorry, girl do tell us the path to enlightment." "Easy: more beer." " I'll second that." " You two are so pathetic." " I'm going to go check on our drinks." " I'll give you a hand." "If my being here is making you feel uncomfortable, I can always go." "Why would it?" "2 beers, please." "It's just... it's your birthday and you should be having a good time." " Do you really believe that?" " And 2 shots of tequila, please." "Make it absent." " You've got a lot to learn." " Well, I'm young and willing." "Do we really have to be stuck at this age?" "Afraid so." "Hello?" "Don't worry, it's fine." "I'm not going to hurt you." "Please, I'm only here to help!" "Wait!" ""Happy birthday, dear Ella."" ""Happy birthday to you."" "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and Tom, we are gathered here this evening to, amongst other things, get absolutely molest." "and of course as a side issue to celebrate the birthday... of my most favourite person in the whole world," "Miss Ella Dee." "There truly isn't a moment that goes by... where I don't think how lucky I am... to have the funniest, best-looking... and most powerful woman in the whole world." "But, seriously," "I've never been happier than I am right now." "And it's all thanks to this one woman." "I hope we're together forever." "I hope we're here to celebrate her birthday when she's 546." "Excuse me a moment." "I think she must be feeling a bit sick." " Where are you going?" " I'm sorry, I can't deal with it." " With what?" " Leon, you've been so sweet, but..." " this isn't me, this whole birthday thing." "Look, I can't see what's the trouble." "I've been around too long to care about the passing of another year." "Look, it may matter to you, when you know you've only nearly 60 to come but," "I'm stuck here forever." " Yeah, but" "And you stand there talking like we're going to settle down and have kids." " Maybe not in the next 5 years." " No." "Not ever." "You're going to have to find someone normal to do that with." " I'm sorry." " Ella!" "You know a lot of people come." "They think money is easy, life is good, and I say big shock." "We think you need us, we think... your lives do not run without us." "This is very not true." "You have not opened your hearts for us." "But, we're here just the same." "Maybe one day we will disappear and you will be sorry." " You need to turn around." "What?" "Look, you're going in the wrong direction." "Maybe." "I've worked here very long time." "I've lived here even longer and you are going the wrong way." "I don't think so." "Hey, hey, stop the car." "Stop the car!" "This isn't funny anymore." "Stop the car!" "Ella, that won't work in my taxi." "I think it's about time we decided who is serving who, yeah?" "Who are you?" "An old friend of the family." "And I'm just concerned for your welfare." "Wondering why you are so... determined to stray from the path." "I haven't." "Why then is the boy still alive?" "Am I at least allowed to know who you are?" "Raphael." "What an interesting disguise for an archangel." "I think you would do well to remember... that you exist to serve us." "We do not take kindly to your current attitude." "Your father was just the same." "His flesh was weak, like yours." "You have missed one chance, you will not miss another." "Come closer." "Come closer!" "I've here something for you." "This should help keep... your mind on higher matters." "You are not the enemy, Ella." "Don't ever forget what side you're on." "There's precious little truth in the book that men call the Bible." "It's right about one thing:" "he's a jealous God." "I'm sorry, I thought you didn't quite get a plan last night." "Whose plan?" "I would have thought yours was working perfectly fine." "Ella, I like Leon." "This isn't about some petty teenage love triangle." "Then what?" "Well, it's kind of about my happiness." "And yours." "What on earth makes you think you can make me happy?" "Just a hunch." "You see, I think the key to a successful relationship... is finding someone who is your equal." "Equals yes, opposites no." "Sorry, is it a bad time?" "No, of course not." " Can I come in?" " Yeah." "I though it was going really well." "Right up until the point where I gave you the cake... and things seemed to fall apart." "They didn't fall apart." " OK, maybe a bit." " Well, it's done now." "I don't see any point going over it." "I mean, you and me are always going to hit this problems, aren't we?" "Yeah, I guess so." "I don't want to lose you." "Besides, we've always had a laugh." "Well, I have." "So, what do you say we give it another go?" "And I promise no more surprise parties." "See?" "We're good together, aren't we?" "I guess so." "Mom!" "Mom, it's OK, I'm here." "I'm going to help you." "I know things are hard, but we'll work something out." "Mom?" "Mom, please." "Maya?" "What do you want?" "Why do you keep following me?" "I want to help you." " I know what you're going through." " I don't think so." "Maya, please!" "There's no point running away." "Where are you going to go?" "Maya, please!" "You're going to stuck here for eternity, don't you think... you don't need somebody to talk to." "I'm sorry." "I know it's hard, I've been there." "Why are you so keen to help?" "Nobody was around for me when I died." "I don't want you to have to go through the same." "So this is really it?" "I'm really dead?" "Hey." "Hey, come here." "It's alright." "I promise, it's going to be alright." " Do you mind if I...?" " No." "I know this can't be easy for you." "Me and Ella." "It's no reflection on your relationship, it's just we've got around stuff to deal with." " Yeah, well as far as I'm concerned it's been the two of you." "It's very noble of you." "It was very noble of you not to kill her." "What?" "You know, the whole sword fight to death spearing her life thing." "Is that what she told you?" "I'm afraid it was the other way around." "She probably didn't want to worry you." "I mean, you're not exactly playing at the same level as us, are you?" "I mean... you have an insight into our world, but that's all it'll ever be." " If you go near her again" " I have to go near her." " She's drawn to me." " What?" "Face it, mate." "You're just warming her up for me." "That is enough!" "Are you OK?" "Get yourself cleaned up." "You outside now." "I'm presuming you've got an explanation for what just happened in there." "He was asking for it." "He was winding me up." "Something slightly more mature." " I'll fucking kill him!" " Leon, recently I've been really impressed by the way you've been conducting yourself." "Now tell me, ...what's going wrong?" " I told you, he's an arrogant twat." "OK, you give me no choice but to suspend you." " What?" " Go pack your things." "You've got a week to think about what you just did in there." "If you come back with a different attitude," "I'll be more that happy to include you again." "Do you understand?" " What happened?" " I was stupid, that's what's happened." " Leon." " He didn't spare your life, did he?" "It was the other way around." " Oh, God." " Yeah, he knows how to emmove for it to happen." "Yes, he does." "And he's good at that, and you shouldn't let him!" "Why didn't you go through with it?" "What's going on with you two?" "Nothing, OK?" "Absolutely nothing." "Leon, you can't let him get to us." "You and me are stronger than that." "Do you really think we can take this time apart?" "Yes, of course we can." "It's only a week, for god's sake!" "Listen to me, you're going to go home and you're going to have... some of those lovely meals your mom reheats." "And in a few days you'll be back, and I'll be sad and bored and missing you." "Really?" "Well, I might have to tend to Thelma for company." "Yeah, well make sure that's all you can do." "Right, this is the last remaining bar of chocolate." "If you can manage not to cry for 60 seconds, you can have it." "I don't think I can manage 60." "OK, 45." "Alright, I'm going to think about all the happy things that happened in my life, although it'll probably make me sad, so I'm going to think about all the things I won't miss." "Good idea, go on." "Pickled eggs, it's a family tradition, and I definitely won't miss waxing." "You can say that again." "People who stand in the entrance of train stations and women with purl breasts, shoes that rub your feet, exams, oh, not having to take my driving test." "Come on." "People who are cleverer than me, funnier than me, prettier than me;" "never having to tell my mother that I'm not into boys." "That is a great relief." " 3 seconds!" " OK, OK... nature programs where small giraffes get killed, people with body urban bus, and definitely, most absolutely Formula 1, cricket or any other sport that's shown on TV." "Stop the clock, stop the clock!" "I think you deserve this." "Thank you for looking after me, Thelma." "I don't know what I'd do without you." "It's the least I can do." "And then there were two." "And as fate would have it, it's the two that should have been together all along." " You shouldn't have involved him." " Maybe not, but at least now you're free for that date." " So, you know where you're coming?" " Are you kidding?" "I've seen that place loads." "What makes you so excited?" "This is any old school." "Yeah, right." "You must have been loaded." "Doesn't make any difference now." "I guess not." "OK, so tonight I promise I'll try not to cry." "Don't worry about that." "So, you chose well." "It seems like a match made in heaven." "Saying as I've been so good to you, I thought you might like to help me out." "You see, the thing is Ella is absolutely desperate to go on a date with me, but for some reason she is feeling guilty about the whole thing." "You know how it is." "She just needs some reassuring, perhaps some genteel encouragement." "Is that okay?" " Do I have a choice?" " Obviously." "The choice is do you want Maya to know why she died or not?" "I need your advice on something." "I can only get wine with a screwed cap." "Is that really seriously mad?" "What on earth?" "It's nothing." "Yeah, that's what Mary Queen of Scot said when they chopped off her head." "Show me." "It was meant help me stop thinking about Malachi." "Divert the frustration." "We have vibrators for that sort of things these days, you silly girl." "Come on, I'll fix you up." "I used to have to do this for Cassie all the time." "You don't trust yourself around him, do you?" "I hear he wants to take you out." "I'm not going." "It's too risky." "I don't think he wants to kill you." "It's hard, Thelma." "He knows what I'm going through... more than Leon could ever comprehend." "When I'm with him, I feel safe." "That's why I have to stay away." "Does it make sense?" "Not really." "I mean, if I had the opportunity... to find that kind of connection," "I wouldn't turn it down." "Are you saying I should go?" "It's one night." "You might even discover you don't like him." "Maybe you're right." "I guess it can't hurt." "There you go." "And I'm putting this thing in the bin." "You know how sometimes people say they see ghosts?" "Can they do that?" "Can I talk to my mom?" "You need to learn to let them go." "I know." "Do you mind if I ask, how did you die?" "You don't have to tell me." "Oh, no, it's not that." "It was... cancer." "Oh, my God." "I am so sorry." "At least for me it was quick, I mean... how long?" "Six months." "It wasn't so bad." "You are so brave, Thelma." "No, not really, honest." "I'm pleased that we met." " Are you?" " Yeah." "I mean, obviously it would have been better if we were alive, but we can't do anything about that." "So I'd like to propose a toast." "To you, my new, one and only, best friend." "Thank you for being there." "So, where are we going?" "You've been banging on about it for such a long time." "Better be good." " Open your coat." " What?" "Do it." "Yeah, I think you'll do." "I'm kind of sick of our century." "I thought we'd try somebody else's." ""Look me over closely"" ""Tell me what you see"" ""A lady likes to look her best"" ""before she boils the tea"" ""You'll sit down in studied couch"" ""that makes the evening's sun go down"" ""Look me over closely"" ""Tell me what you find"" ""But don't get over-anxious"" ""I'm not a marrying kind"" "Is that okay?" " You haven't been here before?" " No." "I wanted it to be special." ""Like a boy in a storm"" ""hover there where it's warm"" ""in my arms you will hide"" ""from the great big world outside"" " Oh, my god!" " What's she doing here?" " Singing." " This is a trap, isn't it?" " Look, Ella, sit down." "She doesn't even know who we are... yet." ""You have a part within my heart"" "You're perfectly safe here." "I promise." "Thelma?" " Thelma!" " I'm here." "Look, Leon, I'm not too convinced this is a good idea." "Why?" "Sneaking around after Ella, it's not right." "Yeah, well, do you think she's going to kill him?" "Exactly." "If you don't trust her, you should talk to her about it." "I needed to know what's going on." "Sometimes ignorance is bliss." " Is this how I get in?" " She's in there." "You'll find her." "But I didn't help you, OK?" "You haven't been here for so long, I was beginning to think you didn't exist." "Oh, I've always existed, mon cherie." "Have been anywhere exciting?" "No, I can safely say there is no time and no place... quite like this." "Drink?" "Just a small one." "I have a client later." "I though I was your only love." "It's bound to happen, isn't it?" "I was always going to be born, but I'm not what you expected." " Do we have to talk about this?" " No, it's just..." "I can't help feeling that you don't trust me." "You think I'm wining you around for some devious purpose but, it's probably what you're doing to me." "In many ways I wish it was." "I do know how hard this is for you." "You've got all this rules you live by." "If you take them away, you're bound to feel lost." "I feel like I'm making a mock way of my life." "Everything I stood or, everything my father wanted me to be." " Wouldn't he want you to be happy?" " Does yours?" "I don't care what they want." "And I have no intention of following their plan." "So there's no reason you can't give me a clean slate." "Just pretend you're an ordinary guy." "You're not though, are you?" "That's the problem." "You seem to be sharing with the lady a good time." "We're very happy." "At least I can report back that your love life's doing fine." "Report back to whom?" "Malachi, you're not an idiot." "Do you really think we can let you do your inner thing?" "I think you'll find I am." "It's true what they say, you are as stubborn as your father." "And that's a problem because...?" "Though we are rather relying on you, not being able to interfere directly ourselves" "Listen," "I know I'm supposed to be fighting a war for the hearts of men and all that, but I just want to have a bit of fun first." " Just warming up, hm?" " Exactly." "Many lives were lost to ensure your succession." "Don't you think you owe it to those people to take your part a little bit more seriously?" "Anyway, till the next time, Malachi." "And you are?" "You can call me Mephistopheles." "Others have before." "Ah, shit!" "My friend, there is no need to hide." "They're long gone." "Come in, come in!" "We do not have time for you to be frightened, child." "I'm here to help." " Archangel Raphael." " Leon Taylor." "I know." "Please, sit down." "The unfortunate suitor for Ella's heart." "Well, I wouldn't say that's unfortunate." " Yes, I'm afraid you are." "As a mortal you will never rival him." "That is why I'm here, to make sure everything is equal in love and war." " Where are they?" " They've gone on a date." "Hey, where do you normally take her?" "Pizza Hut." " Well, he has taken her to Berlin." " Great." "1928 Berlin." "But, Leon, there is no need to despair." "I know when she sees you, she will have a complete change of heart." " So, close your eyes." " What?" "Do you want to lose her?" " No." " Trust me." "Close your eyes." "My, my." "You're keen." "Is this some kind of trap?" "Only if you want it to be." "Don't you recognize me?" "If you want the packs of a regular, you have to come more often." "So tonight you're a soldier." "A naughty soldier." "Who has deserted his ranks and sold secrets to the spies." "My very favourite kind." "Did you ever have any intention of killing me?" "I still do." "You got a taste for it." "It doesn't quite work like that." " But you've got a thrill out of it?" " No." "Not even a tiny bit of job satisfaction?" "Do you?" "I don't buy this ice maid routine." "Don't you feel anything when you've got a life in your hands?" "Sad inevitability." "Is that what you feel about me?" "Well, can I at least assume that in this matter your actions will be your own?" "Oh, I intend to take full responsibility." "Shall we?" "If you insist." "I want you to know I have one rule:" "whatever happens in the past, stays in the past." "Better make it worth remembering, then." "I meant to be charging you by the hour." "As you please." "I thought I better bring it, just in case you got carried away." "How very trusting!" "And don't tell me you didn't too." "No," "Mine is smaller than yours." " I think I had more to lose." " How is so?" "I wanted you more in the first place." "Oh, I doubt that." "What?" "What is it?" "Are you OK?" "Sorry, I can't do this." " What's wrong?" " I'm sorry." "Ella." "Ella!" "Coming up on Hex" "Oh, my God." "Yeah, yeah!" "Your desires are an abomination." "The punishment will befit the crime." "She is receiving hers, you are receiving yours." "We leave at thee in the past right" "Why does it have to be like this?" "You have strayed from the path that destiny has laid for you."