"BRUMMEGAN:" "Miss Pettigrew, I was warned of you stubbornness and impertinence, and I should have known better when you were called the "governess of last resort. "" "But I had no idea of your utter unsuitabiIity." "You are dismissed." "PMTTIGRMW.:" "But, Mrs. Brummegan..." "Away!" "allow me one last chance..." "Goodbye, Miss Pettigrew." "I'm owed a week's wages." "(WIND WHISTLING)" "(BOTH EXCLAIM)" "I say!" "I'm terribly sorry!" "I do apologize." "Oh, no!" "My things!" "My things!" "Let me help you with that." "They'II have me back in prison for this." "Oh!" "Oh, nothing serious." "well, when I say serious, I..." "No." "Wait!" "Your..." "Your belongings!" "Sorry!" "(WOMEN CHATTERING)" "WOMAN:" "Gerry?" "Edythe, if you can keep your hands off him for just two seconds..." "We're getting our own cab, thank you." "WOMAN:" "That's naughty!" "Let's get out of here, Gerry." "(PLATE CLATTERING)" "(BELL TOLLING)" "(WHISTLING)" "Washburns." "Jane, aged five." "lovely girl." "Lost in the park..." "Independence." "That's all that girl needs..." "For six hours?" "The RandIe boys, John and Robin." ""wrestled retired colonel Johnson to the floor outside Fortnum and Mason's," ""shouting, 'Nazi warmonger' because..." And I quote," ""Miss Pettigrew thought he was a German spy."" "A little joke." ""ambulance called." "police called."" "Yes." "And now the Brummegans." "Miss Pettigrew, we live in uncertain times." "My goodness, there could be a war any day." "Do you think that work is easy to find?" "No, no." "certainly not, Miss HoIt." "But Mrs. Brummegan was..." "well, fond of a sherry, if you take my meaning." "As a vicar's daughter, I found her rather difficult." "No, she found you rather difficult, Miss Pettigrew." "And that is, I'm afraid, a recurring theme." "Miss HoIt?" "Yes, JiIIy?" "The Lafosse household rang last night." "still looking." "Thank you." "Yes, I won't be a moment." "A person can change." "I haven't seen any sign of that." "She could stop drinking." "Our clients don't adapt to suit your needs, Miss Pettigrew, you adapt to them!" "I am trying, Miss HoIt." "really." "Give me one last chance." "You won't regret it." "My dear woman, I already have." "Thrice." "I'm afraid we have nothing suitable for you at the moment." "Good day, Miss Pettigrew." "shall I come back tomorrow?" "The situation is most unlikely to have changed." "The day after?" "only if you desire the exercise." "Miss HoIt." "please, I implore you." "JILLY:" "Yes, Miss HoIt?" "Miss DarIington is finishing with CaroIe Lombard this week, isn't she?" "She would be perfect for the Lafosse residence, don't you think?" "JILLY:" "I think she would be an excellent choice." "Can you refer to her file for me?" "certainly." "HOLT:" "Thank you." "I said good day, Miss Pettigrew." "Good day." "(HORN HONKING)" "(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)" "(DOG BARKING)" "Amazing." "(WOMEN CHATTERING)" "(BELL RINGS)" "(EXCLAIMS)" "(DOOR OPENING)" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Hi." "I have come from Miss HoIt's Agency." "What time is it?" "It's five minutes past 10:00." "10:00?" "Five minutes past." "In the morning?" "I believe so." "Oh, God!" "DELYSIA:" "Oh, my God, look at the place." "I was given to believe you were expecting me." "Miss HoIt's employment Agency?" "Darn right, honey." "And not a moment too soon." "(GASPS)" "allow me." "Neat!" "Time?" "Six minutes past 10:00." "Can I be of any further assistance?" "Not unless you can get phil out of bed in the next two minutes, you can't." "I've known my share of naughty boys who oversIeep." "You too, huh?" "phil!" "It's time to wake up, darling!" "Damn it!" "allow me." "I can get your boy up and dressed in no time." "You could?" "really?" "certainly." "angel." "One must not stand for any nonsense, that's all." "They just need to know who's in charge." "First door at the top of the stairs." "philip?" "Rise and shine, philip!" "As I said to your mother, I won't stand for any nonsense." "You naughty boy, get up!" "(GASPS)" "I kind of am up, as you can see." "(EXCLAIMS)" "(LAUGHING) Oh, golly!" "Excuse me, Mrs. Lafosse, may I speak to you?" "Mrs. Lafosse... (PHONE RINGING)" "(GASPING) Oh, heavens!" "Answer that, will you?" "If it's Nick, tell him..." "tell him I'm dead." "Good morning, this is Miss HoIt here, of HoIt's employment Agency." "I've just rung to say that one of our best women is on her way over to you now." "hello?" "(IN FRENCH ACCENT) No, no, no!" "That won't be necessary." "I'm afraid that Mrs. Lafosse is dead." "Goodbye." "(CLATTERING)" "DELYSIA:" "Don't really do kitchens." "Hmm." "Any luck with phil?" "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Lafosse..." "DeIysia." "DeIysia, I'm afraid I walked in on your guest in a state of nature." "I fear that I have outraged his sense of propriety." "Oh, no, phil doesn't have one of those." "He's a much bigger boy than I had expected." "Oh, you noticed." "He is, isn't he?" "Uh... (PHONE RINGING)" "hello?" "darling!" "really?" "Mmm-hmm." "You, too." "(PETTIGREW SHUDDERS)" "He's at the club." "Be here in 10 minutes." "Oh, God." "Who?" "Nick!" "Another man?" "well, of course another man!" "Jeepers." "I'm afraid there has been a misunderstanding." "I can see the problem clearly now and I really must be going." "You do?" "Pardon?" "See the problem." "really?" "well, yes." "I knew it." "From the moment I set eyes on you, I just knew I couId trust you." "I can, can't I?" "Yes, you can." "Thank you." "Thank you." "You've saved my Iife." "Have I?" "Hmm." "A two-pronged attack should do it." "Let's go." "Though I don't think you should mention about Nick." "Or michael." "michael?" "Is he your son?" "My son?" "Lord, no." "michael wants to marry me." "Another man?" "(SHUSHING)" "You don't have to wake the neighbors about it." "Besides, that's only three." "phil's rather free about where he undresses." "He's a theater producer." "well, his father is." "phil's got his first show on at the Ambassador." "I've got the lead." "well... (GIGGLES) I'm pretty sure I have now." "(EXCLAIMS)" "hello again." "awfully sorry about earlier." "I thought you were someone else." "That is some relief, I suppose." "jolly nice to meet you, dear lady, but who the devil are you?" "Who is she, gorgeous?" "She's, um... (LAUGHS) You know, I'm not altogether sure." "Pettigrew." "Guinevere Pettigrew." "Guinevere." "Guinevere." "Wow." "Yes, but who is she?" "What in the world is she doing in this particular bedroom when you are so obviously starkers beneath that delightful gown, don't you know?" "We have..." "An engagement." "A meeting." "Meeting." "Important meeting." "Indeed we do." "In 20." "Two..." "Twenty-two." "Not 22, Guinevere, dearest." "Two minutes." "What the dickens can be as important as another hour in bed with young PhiIip-me-Iad?" "You don't mind, do you, Guinevere?" "It's all a bit new to me, and it's devilish good fun." "Besides, I have nothing till lunch." "Come back to bed, beautiful." "(LAUGHS)" "(COUGHS)" "(EXCLAIMS)" "Baby, baby, I'd love to, but I can't." "Come on, it's an awfully good cure for a hangover, I'm told." "Edythe's lingerie show is at 1 1 :00." "Anyway, haven't you got to get ready?" "Who are you Iunching?" "Nobody, really." "charlotte Warren." "The Rabbit?" "Why?" "She run out of carrots?" "Sweetie-pops..." "But you said the lead was mine." "phil, honey, you promised!" "It is." "It is." "I'm sure it is." "You're the one, baby." "I just have to clear it with Daddy, being the bounder with the checkbook and all." "You know, he wants me to meet her." "Amazing voice, apparently." "If you Iike air-raid sirens." "It's just lunch, darling." "Come on, DeIysia." "Remind your producer why you're right for such a passionate part." "charlotte Warren the actress?" "Know her, what?" "I did happen to see her last night on Shaftesbury Avenue." "With who?" "Who with?" "A man." "PHIL:" "Producer?" "Mmm." "Spivvy fellow?" "Mmm." "Nasty side-parting?" "Mmm." "I knew it!" "Danny ruddy Greenwood, dash it all." "On the poach." "well, we'II see about that." "Oh, phil, you can't think that charlotte Warren is right for Hortensia?" "Not with that damp little nose." "Jacket?" "Behind you." "A quick egg and I'm off." "I regret we're out of eggs." "You know this?" "I'm afraid I do." "Bacon?" "So sorry, no." "Sausage?" "If only." "Smoked haddock fillets?" "definitely not." "Toast." "I saw the baker's girl deliver a loaf yesterday." "allow me." "Guinevere, you've got to get him out of here." "We're on a deadline." "Toast is only two minutes." "I realize it is not my place, but isn't it possible simply not to answer the door to this Nick fellow?" "Oh, I can't do that." "Why?" "It's his flat." "Oh." "(CAR HORN HONKS)" "(GASPS) Jeepers, he's early!" "(GASPS)" "Toast!" "marvelous." "Tie?" "Any tea on the go, perchance?" "Sweets," "Danny Greenwood is at this very second, sending flowers around to charlotte's little warren." "You think so?" "That does seem to be the producer's modus operandi." "It does, doesn't it?" "You know the business, what?" "Not that you're in the least bit interested in charlotte Warren." "No." "No." "darling, you're the one for me." "You know that." "And I don't just mean on the stage." "PHIL:" "I say." "What?" "DeIysia?" "clean it up." "DeIysia." "(BUZZING)" "I can't go yet." "I have something important to say." "Just..." "Right now?" "DeIysia..." "Yes, my sweets?" "I Iove you." "(SIGHS)" "FiddIesticks, working relationships." "You and me." "How about it, old girl?" "(GASPS)" "(CLATTERING)" "Don't let any rabbits under your fence." "Bye." "DeIysia?" "Lift up the spout?" "I rather think so, yes." "DeIysia?" "Is that you?" "He saw the gown, damn it." "I believe we have made it." "You're a bona fide genius, Guinevere!" "Miss Lafosse, it has been a most exciting, one might say exhilarating experience, meeting you, though I can't help feeling one fraught with moral complexity." "But now that the crisis has been averted, I simply must take my leave." "What?" "Oh, you can't go." "please don't go." "The crisis is ongoing." "Goodness." "Guinevere..." "Miss Pettigrew..." "I don't know what I'd do if you went." "I beg you." "It's Nick." "I need saving." "Saving?" "Mmm-hmm." "Have you ever been hypnotized by a snake, Guinevere?" "I don't believe so, no." "well, it's what they do to small furry animals." "The snake fixes the animal with its eyes, so it has no will." "It stays when it should be running." "It wants to stay, even if it means death." "And I am that small furry animal." "And Nick CaIdereIIi, coming up the stairs this very minute, is that snake." "When he's here, I just..." "I can't resist him." "And he's bad for me." "So bad." "And when I waver, and I will waver," "I need you to be strong for me." "please." "Stay." "I can see I have no choice." "You're clearly in danger." "Oh, thank you!" "But I'm afraid it is you who must be strong." "You're right." "I must." "The time has come to break it off." "And with you beside me, I feel strong, confident, firm." "There is something so sensual about fur next to the skin, don't you think?" "Mmm!" "Miss Lafosse, you're slipping already." "Strong, confident, firm." "I know!" "But I can't help it." "But I must." "(DOOR OPENING)" "(GASPS) Nick!" "I feel like I've just climbed bloody Everest." "The lift's on the blink." "(DELYSIA EXCLAIMING)" "darling." "It's you!" "That wasn't you, was it?" "Me?" "In the lift?" "The lift?" "Lift?" "Oh, you mean elevator." "That's exactly what I..." "I didn't know you had company." "But, Nick, I get so lonely when you're away." "This is..." "Pettigrew." "Guinevere Pettigrew." "A pleasure, Miss Pettigrew, I'm sure." "And you are, what, a friend?" "I am Miss Lafosse's new governess..." "social secretary." "social secretary." "really?" "Isn't it a little early for camouflage?" "(CHUCKLING) I beg your pardon?" "I haven't had the opportunity..." "It's nice to meet you, Miss Pettigrew, but D and I haven't seen each other for three weeks." "Got a Iot of catching up to do." "So if you wouldn't mind." "But of course." "Good day." "(DELYSIA EXCLAIMING)" "But, Nick, darling!" "What?" "well, I've got a fashion show to get to." "Haven't I, Guinevere?" "Fashion show be damned." "Who needs clothes, eh, gorgeous?" "Damned or not, I'm afraid Miss Lafosse has accepted the invitation." "well, cancel." "Come on, darling." "close the door on your way out." "I'm sure that we can schedule something for later in the week." "I beg your pardon?" "I think that Miss Lafosse has an hour" "Wednesday at 9:30." "shall I pencil it in?" "No." "I'm penciling now." "Nick, darling, I'm afraid that Guinevere's right." "I'm terribly busy this morning." "Oh." "You haven't..." "You haven't had any other guests, have you?" "No, darling." "Just us girls together." "I thought I saw phil GoIdman's car outside." "phil?" "GoIdman." "Do we know him?" "Andy GoIdman's idiot boy." "Pouring Daddy's millions away at the Ambassador on some stupid musical." "pile on the PiffIe." "Pepper." "Pepper?" "I'm told." "Since when did girls together smoke cigars?" "Hmm?" "Answer me that." "If I want to smoke cigars, I'II damned well smoke cigars, thank you very much." "And to hell with your opinion." "What, they're yours?" "You betcha, baby." "(COUGHING)" "Oh!" "And you thought that I..." "What?" "Nick..." "You, of all people?" "How could you?" "I'm wounded, nicholas, I am wounded." "darling, sweetheart." "please forgive me." "It's been a Iong night." "I'm..." "No." "I'm sorry." "No." "It's..." "It's no good." "AII right, I forgive you!" "Fashion show." "Come again?" "Fashion show." "Fashion..." "Fashion show is right." "And that will be your punishment, man of little faith." "You will have to wait." "What?" "So I'm being thrown out of my own flat, am I?" "I'm sorry, darling." "Very well." "Tonight then." "At the club." "Miss Pettigrew." "Good day." "Tonight is booked." "You were magnificent!" "Are you all right?" "I have never sworn before in my Iife." "Not even in my mind." "well, I didn't hear you swear." "Yes, I did." "I said damned and hell." "And I meant them." "Oh, that's not swearing." "They came out of the sinful category an age ago." "Desperation." "That's what it's come to." "A little desperation and life can make of us whatever it chooses." "In my case, a smoking, swearing accomplice to misdeeds in a den of iniquity." "No!" "really?" "Oh, you mean here." "(LAUGHS)" "But I was the desperate one." "I'm always desperate." "Think of what would have happened if you hadn't been here." "I shudder to think what goes on when I'm not here." "morals are very important to me, Miss Lafosse." "I am the daughter of a clergyman." "Poor you." "No." "It was a perfectly good upbringing, thank you." "But I am beginning to think perhaps a little sheltered." "But it's not always like this." "occasionally it's not Iike this." "AII right, it's always like this." "Is that so very awful?" "please don't go." "You just can't go." "This is the most important day in my whole life." "I'II phone up that HoIt lady right now and I'II double your salary." "Oh, no, no, no!" "Thank you." "That won't be necessary." "I don't even know what a social secretary does." "I only got one because" "charlotte "Rabbit" Warren's got one, so I figured I'd better get one, too." "Now that I see you in action, you're just amazing." "Am I?" "That's very kind of you to say so." "phil, gone." "Nick, gone." "And that cigar." "But that was fast thinking." "I'm only happy to have been of assistance." "Miss Pettigrew," "I Iove you." "well, come on!" "DELYSIA:" "Why don't you slip something else on, Guinevere?" "I mean, nobody died, did they?" "Or did CaroIe make you wear that sackcIoth and ashes for contrast?" "Make herself look even more amazing." "carole?" "That's not a game I play, Guinevere, I can assure you." "So, Iet's lose the blackout curtain, shall we?" "These clothes appear to be the only ones I possess." "You're kidding." "Shoes?" "I'm afraid not." "Oh." "So, Iet's go buy some!" "I'm not in a position to." "Out of cash?" "None at all?" "None at all." "Wow." "You social secretaries sure can spend." "roulette, was it?" "blackjack?" "certainly not." "well." "Whatever, it's on me." "No, no, no, I couldn't possibly..." "You sure could possibly." "I, for one, am not running around town with oliver Twist's mom." "After the lingerie show, we go shopping." "It's so frightening." "Yeah." "Cap sleeves." "It's a horror show." "It's a nice color, though." "Yes, very nice color." "Are you cold?" "well, perhaps a little." "Here." "Oh, no, I couldn't." "No, you must." "It's a little thank-you for this morning." "It's beautiful." "Guinevere!" "Don't dawdIe, we're late!" "DELYSIA:" "Today is the day that phil announces to the world who's going to play the lead in pile on the Pepper." "And with the lingerie that I'm about to pick up, it's no contest, honey." ""DeIysia Lafosse tops the bill!"" "How exciting!" "Is it to be a West End show?" "It is to be a West End smash, Guinevere, and it's going to make me a star." "PETTIGREW:" "I thought you were a singer." "well, I've got a voice." "But that's not how you become famous." "No." "First stop, West End." "Next stop, hollywood." "Have you done much of that sort of thing?" "Didn't you catch Mvery Day's a holiday?" "One of mine." "Mae West!" "Oh, you did see it?" "Oh, yes!" "Which part were you?" "I was in the restaurant scene." "In the back." "really?" "Behind the palm tree drinking a margarita." "I..." "I think they cut that for the European print." "A little de trop for you english, if you know what I mean?" "Of course." "Of course there's Four's a Crowd, with ErroI FIynn and..." "olivia de havilland!" "Seen that as well?" "Four's a Crowd is a wonderful picture." "Who were you?" "The crowd." "Here we are." "Quick, quick." "Guinevere." "Come on." "Don't be shy." "She's naked!" "well, hardly." "There's so much whaIebone on her, I'm looking for a tall and flippers." "MD YTHM.:" "This season's must-have for the fuller figure, the SIimIastic corset and uplift brassiere." "A most effective reducer." "If you don't mind a collapsed lung." "I recognize her." "Edythe?" "She owns the best salon in London." "AII the latest fashion." "AII the latest gossip." "Another sIenderizer from Aphrodite, for the winter season, is this unique wrap-around corset with side panels and front-to-back gussets, in fIeece-Iined rubber, with rustproof steel spirals throughout." "Rustproof steel." "You guys really are preparing for war." "(GASPS)" "Guinevere?" "A man." "In the room." "Oh." "Oh, that's just Joe." "He designs underwear." "And not these walking air-raid shelters." "beautiful things." "There are very few men who really appreciate the female figure like Joe." "It doesn't matter what you're wearing, he can see right through to the real woman underneath." "Oh." "Oh, this is his collection." "And new this season from Mimi, designed by Joe BIomfieId." "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "He's dating Edythe." "Tempestuous is the word that the magazines use." "I mean, of course she's a darling, but a little difficult." "As you can see, it's going to be a chilly winter for Mimi fans." "And in that ever-practical 100% silk, you're going to have to employ another maid to do the washing, ladies." "That's if you can afford one after you've paid through the nose for one of these frou-frou." "Oh, dear." "I guess they had another bust-up." "And you'd better start your diet now because there's no hiding your indulgences, ladies." "Not a support in sight to help human nature." "Excuse me a moment?" "Thank you, ladies." "Joe." "Margery!" "So, what can you do to prop up this ancient monument?" "If you must talk of ancient monuments, did you know that the elgin marbles were once painted?" "No, I can't say that I did." "Bright, garish colors." "awful." "Now aren't they better just marble, worn a little into something wise, as well as beautiful?" "Joe BIomfieId, you are the world's best fIatterer." "Or maybe I'm saying you belong in a museum." "You don't tamper with a masterpiece, Margery." "You allow it to be." "That's my advice to you." "(MARGERY CHUCKLING)" "That scarf, if I may say, looks perfect on you." "well, thank you." "It was a present." "You know, I think it's the most beautiful thing I've ever worn." "Now the flatterer has been out-fIattered." "Sorry?" "It's one of mine." "The design." "Last year for Mimi Couture." "My goodness." "You really didn't know." "well, that is a compliment indeed, madam." "Thank you." "Joe BIomfieId." "Guinevere Pettigrew." "A pleasure." "Not to worry." "(INHALES)" "EDYTHE:" "well, I didn't answer the telephone because I couldn't answer the telephone." "DELYSIA:" "Why not?" "I was in the bathroom." "Having a bath?" "No, I just didn't answer the telephone, and now Joe says the engagement's off." "Just because of one stupid little misunderstanding." "Edythe, Miss Pettigrew." "Edythe Dubarry." "Miss Pettigrew is my new social secretary." "really?" "How intriguing." "I know." "Lost her shirt playing poker or something." "But she is the best in London." "Miss HoIt told me so herself." "Just freed up after CaroIe Lombard finished vigil in the Night." "Isn't that right, Guinevere?" "I heard it's a very fine picture." "Haven't we met before?" "I don't believe so." "recently." "I never forget a face." "You really shouldn't wear those muddy browns, you know." "They're not your color." "Oh." "The funeral parlor thing?" "It's in hand." "We're on our way to your little store to correct the situation this very minute." "My shop and salon are at your disposal, my dear." "DELYSIA:" "Oh!" "Come with us!" "We can do Guinevere, and you can tell me all about Joe and I can tell you about my amazing morning." "Hang it all, the bone structure's there." "Why the devil not?" "Beatrice, cancel my appointments." "I'm suddenly inconvenienced." "Perfect!" "Come on, now!" "What is she going to do?" "We're going to do a fixie!" "EDYTHE:" "Turned Nick out of his own flat?" "DELYSIA:" "She didn't like him." "Good heavens!" "He let her?" "He was no match for her." "My dear, the woman can do anything." "Anything." "No." "definitely not." "It's too pink, it's too passé." "Not that one, either." "And she's coming to the party?" "well, of course." "She's going to clinch the lead in pile on the Pepper for me." "Oh, no, not the red." "Not with her hair, I think." "But I thought you'd secured that deal last night." "well, I thought so, too." "And I played it magnificently, if I do say so myself." "But then phil announced that he was going to have lunch with the Rabbit." "charlotte Warren?" "Mmm." "Oh, my dear." "exactly." "So you can see why I need Guinevere's powers." "I do indeed." "I wonder..." "Yes?" "Oh, nothing." "That one!" "That one!" "Miss Lafosse?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Thank you." "Very nice." "Guinevere, I think we're ready." "And you're sure that's all it was, Edythe, my dear?" "Just a late train?" "No Gerry involved?" "You're as bad as Joe." "Gerry and I are finished." "absolutely finished." "So Tabitha and I bumped into him at Hat Day at the races." "What of it?" "We got the Iast train in to Victoria and that was absolutely that." "My fruit fedora was much admired, thank you for asking." "Joe can check with the station if he's so damnably suspicious." "Arrived at 1 1 :30 and took a taxi straight home." "alone." "The whole thing is ridiculous." "One late train and the whole marriage is off." "Men are so untrusting." "I can't think why." "Are you all right?" "Sorry, I was just remembering something." "Everything all right, Guinevere?" "PETTIGREW:" "Oh, yes." "Just a moment." "(GIGGLES)" "This is me?" "AII you." "As nature intended." "Guinevere, control yourself, for heaven's sake!" "The mascara!" "No, of course." "Of course." "That was close." "well, I'm just gonna put this, and a few other things, on Nick's account." "I'II be right back." "well, what a transformation." "I suppose I've never felt I really deserved it." "A social secretary such as yourself?" "carole Lombard's social secretary, no less." "EyeIiner." "As you're such a wow with the men," "I was wondering whether you could have a word with Joe for me." "Smooth this little misunderstanding over." "We're getting married, you know." "Were." "It would mean such a Iot to me." "I'm afraid I couldn't do that." "really?" "You and I, Guinevere, we don't have what the DeIysias of this world have." "We have to work at it, improvise a touch, act a little to get what we want." "You know what I mean, don't you?" "There." "I'm sure DeIysia wouldn't mind." "DELYSIA:" "well, that should put a few more gray hairs on Nick's head." "My, you do look ravishing." "wonderful news!" "Guinevere has very kindly offered to sort things out with Joe for me." "But that's a marvelous idea." "If anybody can make Joe see sense, Guinevere can." "Isn't that right?" "Okay." "Come on." "(PIANO PLAYING)" "Listen." "Nick?" "Fingers like bananas." "philip?" "Oh, yes." "charlotte Warren." "Permit me." "Thief." "burglar." "I've had some reactions to my playing, but never quite that." "I saw you at the jail." "I saw you." "Oh, it's you!" "I say, I'm awfully sorry about that." "michael!" "It's so good to see you." "However did you get in?" "One picks up a few tricks in prison, you know?" "Breaking and entering being one of them." "So." "What have you got to say for yourself?" "Oh, well..." "I think I must have gotten the days mixed up." "Or was it the place?" "I'm awfully sorry, michael." "Can you ever forgive me?" "(DELYSIA EXCLAIMING)" "Now what do you say?" "Part of me says if you do that again, I'II heave you through the goddamn window." "And another part of me says that" "I deserve it." "Every bit." "Oh, no." "Don't play that game with me." "Not this time, DeIysia." "What do you mean?" "You've made a fool out of me for the Iast time." "Oh, don't say that, michael." "You can do anything you Iike to me." "Anything." "Shake me again..." "No, better not stand too close to the window." "Or maybe, maybe kiss me?" "Not a chance." "Why, you..." "I'm crazy about you." "You know that." "But even I've got my limit and I've reached it." "No more games, no more lies." "No more phil, no more Nick." "It's me, just me, or that's it." "I'II never see you again." "You wouldn't." "See this?" "The Queen Mary." "Two tickets." "sails for New York tomorrow morning." "I'm playing the Upper Deck cocktail Bar, with an as-yet-unannounced singer." "Now tell me I wouldn't." "But what about the cabaret?" "You and me together, we're the best in London." "So we'II be the best in New York." "Or not." "Isn't there a decent drink in this hellhole?" "Yes." "What would you Iike?" "It's me who should be offering you a drink." "After our unfortunate meeting yesterday, I am definitely in your debt." "How do you take your whiskey?" "He does seem to be a little agitated about something." "Yes." "well, I'm afraid that might be my fault." "Indeed?" "Ice pick?" "It's in the drawer." "Somewhere." "Ice in the Fridgidaire?" "I want the pick for murder, not ice." "(CHUCKLES)" "See?" "He's such a hothead." "He takes love so seriously." "Is that a problem?" "Of course it's a problem!" "michael Pardew." "Pettigrew." "Guinevere Pettigrew." "About time we had a formal introduction." "It's certainly a problem when the girl doesn't pitch up for the proposal." "Oh, michael." "Not a word from you." "Thank you." "What do think of this?" "Private boat on the Thames," "last of the season's strawberries," "Dom Pérignon champagne." "Everything." "Strawberries." "And you didn't appear?" "I was scared." "You were scared?" "How do you think a pianist without two shillings to rub together feels proposing to the most beautiful woman in the world?" "Dare I ask what happened?" "well, after an hour and a half bobbing around on my own," "I opened the champagne." "One glass didn't seem enough." "One thing led to another." "Then I had a bit of a brainwave, as we floated past the Tower of London." "Oh, dear." "Decided the ring I had wasn't good enough for her." "well, when a fellow needs a diamond, what better place to get one than the Tower of London?" "The rest is all a bit hazy, but there appears to have been an altercation with the yeoman of the guard." "(GASPS) You didn't." "Thirty days bread and water." "But you know what?" "Prison certainly clears the head." "Pure and simple, I want you to marry me." "And it's a one-word conversation, DeIysia." "Don't you think that on such a momentous occasion a little time should be allowed?" "Oh, stalling tactic." "Is it because I'm not rich enough for her?" "certainly not." "well, it's true." "I'm wearing most of my worldly possessions." "I couId never offer this kind of blackmail." "Oh." "And who pays you for playing the piano, huh?" "You telling me you give Nick his money back after every show?" "No!" "And every damned shilling I take hurts me to the bone." "Which is why it's got to change, DeIysia." "Money or love?" "That's the question I'm asking, D." "With you singing and me playing, we could knock the world flat." "Yes or no, DeIysia?" "You are a most uncommonly persuasive man, Mr. Pardew." "But surely a lady should have a moment or two to consider the most important decision of her life?" "A moment?" "She's had a whole year." "You did say you were in my debt." "Damn it, I did, too." "Fair enough." "Okay, here's the deal." "I'II play for you today, DeIysia, and for the rest of your life, if you'II marry me." "Never again if you don't." "See you later, Miss Pettigrew." "Later?" "In my professional capacity." "As for you, it's now or never." "The ship sails tomorrow morning." "He is..." "impossible." "Magnificent." "So you marry him." "Guinevere?" "Mmm-hmm?" "tell me the honest truth." "It's a darned fix, isn't it?" "Nothing that can't be unfixed with some good common sense." "But take a look at the headlines." "With Nick, I get this magnificent flat and my job at the Peacock." "And with phil," "I get the best part on the West End stage and my chance to be a star." "And with michael?" "With michael..." "I get the best friend I ever had." "Is that all michael is?" "well," "he's rather passionate, too." "I know what you're thinking." "michael's the one." "But what about everything else?" "And who says I'm looking for a darned husband this very minute, anyway?" "Not everything comes along just when we want it." "There are times when choices just have to be made, or you certainly will miss out." "No." "No, I won't accept that." "I won't." "This "all of you or none of you" stuff that michael's pulling." "It's too much." "But he is in love with you, DeIysia." "Can you say that about anyone else?" "Guinevere, haven't you ever been torn between more than one person at the same time?" "(CHUCKLES) No, I can't say I've had that particular problem." "You are beautiful, DeIysia." "well, it's not a bad figure, if I do say so myself." "Have you ever been in love at all, Guinevere?" "Once." "And was it this" ""all of you or none of you" stuff?" "Oh, yes." "From him or from you?" "Both." "really?" "Do tell." "No." "AII a Iong time ago." "You'II catch your death." "Put this on." "(DOORBELL RINGING)" "allow me." "Excuse me, madam." "Excuse me." "Excuse me?" "Take that through to the kitchen, please." "And you do the same as well." "And tell John to pull the rug up." "Party about to start soon, so chop-chop." "Party?" "There's a party?" "Miss Lafosse?" "Hmm?" "There's a troop of people downstairs who appear to be under the misapprehension there is to be a party here." "Yes." "Today?" "Yes." "Didn't I say?" "No." "Oh." "silly me." "will there be many people?" "I should say so, Guinevere." "It's the big one." "The big one?" "pile on the Pepper." "phil's going to make the announcement." "What do you think?" "Do I get the part?" "Hmm?" "Oh, yes." "My dear, you look as if you've never been to a cocktail party in your life." "Why, thank you, but I don't drink." "Oh, it's not a drink, really." "It's a cocktail." "Good luck, darlings." "Joe's the old one over there." "Work your magic." "(DOOR OPENING)" "(DOOR CLOSING)" "(DELYSIA GASPS)" "Of all the nerve." "well." "Time to make the Rabbit run." "Are you sure that's wise?" "Mmm." "phil, darling." "DeIysia, sweetheart." "lovely to see you." "This is charlotte Warren." "PHIL:" "Do you know each other?" "A pleasure." "How nice to see you again." "phil and I had such a lovely lunch together today, didn't we, darling?" "well, I thought he'd have a big appetite, after last night." "May I suggest retiring to a safe distance?" "I think you're absolutely right." "Tin hat on." "I'm sorry, it's phil GoIdman." "How do you do?" "We've met before, actually." "You were entirely naked at the time." "Guinevere?" "Is that you?" "My goodness!" "You look marvelous." "charlotte, I just wanted to let you know there are no hard feelings." "That is so gracious of you." "To the victor the spoils, to the vanquished two comps for Press Night." "And so wise." "I hope I can be like that one day." "Wisdom requires more than the passing of years, I fear." "Though a little bird tells me that the part of the crippled mother is still open." "You'd look ravishing with a stick." "(BOTH LAUGH)" "And I won't forget about those tickets." "Is it two, three, four..." "silly me, I've forgotten how many boyfriends you've got." "Now, philip, how are your deliberations over pile on the Pepper proceeding?" "well, between you and me," "charlotte has the most alluring singing voice." "And I have to say, Daddy's quite keen." "In fact, more than keen." "So you're going to give Miss Warren the part?" "DeIysia's going to be a bit off-coIor about it all, I'm afraid." "Hey ho." "Just one question." "Does charlotte have quite the same attachment to you as DeIysia?" "No." "No, no, she certainly doesn't." "Do you think that was more than a passing attraction?" "I mean, we both know actresses, Guinevere." "It did occur to me that it might be, you know, purely to secure the part?" "I have no doubt that Miss Lafosse believes that you are one of the most..." "unquestionably, the most important man in that room." "My dear woman, do you really think so?" "I do." "The scales have fallen from my doubting eyes." "So pleased to have helped." "helped?" "You've just made me the happiest man in the world." "You seem to have made quite an impression on him." "Oh." "Yes." "I do, don't I?" "Joe BIomfieId." "A great pleasure." "Have we met before?" "I feel sure I recognize you from somewhere." "I don't think so, but I'm delighted to make your acquaintance." "I have met your fiancée, I believe." "Edythe?" "Um..." "No longer my fiancée, I'm afraid." "really?" "I'm so sorry." "Not a permanent rift, I hope?" "It would be ungentlemanly of me to go into the details." "Of course." "You know, these things are amazing, aren't they?" "May I?" "Why not?" "Excuse me." "Progress?" "I'm afraid not." "Nor is there likely to be." "Transformations work both ways, Guinevere." "It would take me 30 seconds to put you back in the soup kitchen queue." "I told you, I never forget a face." "Victoria Station." "Nor have I forgotten with whom you shared a taxi last night." "Oh, you have." "If you want to continue working for DeIysia, you have." "Now we all of us need things in our life." "I need Joe for his..." "well, he's a man of connections." "And you need..." "You need to stay off of the streets, I imagine." "I see Edythe has told you all." "If it weren't to commit another indiscretion, I might disclose Edythe is..." "As Miss Lafosse would say, crazy about you." "To be indiscreet back, she's rather more crazy about my position in the fashion world than she is about me." "A woman scorned is a dangerous thing." "And a bruised heart will often speak harshly, Mr. BIomfieId." "Oh, I sometimes wonder where Edythe's heart has got to." "A woman with an absent heart would not shed such tears, I think." "Edythe?" "Shed tears?" "You people!" "With your green drinks and your parties and your subterfuges." "You're all playing at love." "One minute her, the next minute someone else." "FIit, fIit, fIit." "well, I'm not playing." "Love is not a game." "(MUSIC ENDS)" "(GUESTS APPLAUDING)" "You've worked your magic again." "I can't do it." "You've already done it." "Joe just came up and asked me if he was being a cad breaking off the engagement." "I've no idea what you said, but I believe we've got him." "It must be extraordinary being you." "Extraordinary?" "No." "Very, very ordinary." "DeIysia, darling, is it true what Guinevere said?" "well, if Miss P said it, you can bet your shirt on it." "So I can tell the whole world about you and me?" "officially an item, what?" "till death us do part?" "What?" "At the very same time that you announce your casting decision, sweets." "Oh!" "And what better time than right now?" "You're absolutely right, damn it." "This very minute." "Come on, gorgeous, no time to waste." "To horse." "well, I suppose that was necessary." "You wanted the part." "He'd already chosen the Rabbit." "No, DeIysia, you mustn't do this." "But I must." "Ladies and gentlemen," "as you might know," "I'm putting on pile on the Pepper at the Ambassador, don't you know?" "Have I mentioned this?" "(ALL CHUCKLING)" "Anyway, it is my pleasure to announce that I have, today, cast the lead actress, what?" "She is not only Hortensia in pile on the Pepper, she is also my Hortensia, if you know what I mean." "Ladies and gentlemen, your Hortensia and my Hortensia," "DeIysia Lafosse!" "(STOPS PLAYING)" "(GUESTS APPLAUDING)" "So" "let's dance!" "michael?" "May I?" "please." "(TINKLING)" "(BOMBER PLANES ROARING)" "They don't remember the Iast one." "(GUESTS CHEERING)" "No." "They don't." "DeIysia's name in lights at the Ambassador." "What do you think of that?" "well, it's certainly what DeIysia's always wanted." "Joe, my dear," "I don't think I couId ever forgive myself if last night's misunderstanding got in the way of something so, so important to us both." "I was wondering, could you walk me home and let me explain?" "Of course, my dear." "Of course." "JOE:" "Nice to have met you." "Did you see the planes?" "Weren't they magnificent?" "Madam?" "Not now, thank you." "well, what do you know?" "It's my last night singing at the club." "I'm going to be a star." "well, aren't you going to congratulate me?" "I have done you a disservice." "You have done what I asked." "That's your job." "It may well be my job, but what I have done is untrue to you and untrue to me." "You have lost a man who loves you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be." "And you, who are you to tell me what's best for my Iife?" "I'm nobody." "But apparently an expert on love." "No." "I have no one." "I am not an expert on love." "I am an expert on the lack of love, DeIysia." "And that is a fate from which I wish most fervently to save you." "Guinevere." "No pity, please." "I endure quite well, thank you." "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "DRIVER:" "Where to, ma'am?" "DELYSIA:" "scarlet Peacock, please." "Do you know what my name is, Guinevere?" "I was under the impression it was DeIysia Lafosse." "Sarah Grubb." "One of the Pittsburgh Grubbs." "My father is a steelworker." "No one else in the world knows that, apart from michael." "He doesn't judge me." "No." "He wouldn't." "But you do." "Me?" "I certainly do not." "Oh, you think you don't, but you do." "This is all I own, Guinevere." "And two dozen pair of shoes." "For all the fancy apartments and fashion shows, do you know how close I am to having nothing?" "Every day I wake up and I think, if I make the wrong move, I couId be out on that street, with no clothes, no food, no job" "and no friends." "Just plain old Sarah Grubb again." "Do you know what that's like?" "Yes, I do." "You do?" "In that at Ieast, we are alike." "And now my mascara's gonna run." "That will never do." "DRIVER:" "Here we are, ma'am." "(BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)" "How are you?" "Hey." "Having fun?" "Sweetheart." "Nick." "Hi." "Now, I've heard the news, darling." "congratulations." "It's the big time, huh?" "Oh." "I thought you'd be furious." "Furious, me?" "Why?" "No." "You and me, we're the same." "We both get what we want by bending a bit, don't we?" "I get it, D. It's business." "No, Nick, I..." "I'II see you back at mine later." "How can he just..." "He treats me like I'm a common..." "You don't think of me like that, do you?" "Of course not." "PHIL:" "DeIysia!" "darling!" "darling, you look perfect, what?" "Doesn't she?" "(PHIL AND DELYSIA LAUGHING)" "PHIL:" "Guinevere, how lovely." "To you, I owe a special debt of gratitude." "Champagne!" "The only thing as delightful as my dear DeIysia." "darling, come on, finish your glass." "There's plenty." "It's all back on." "DELYSIA:" "darling, that's marvelous." "Did you hear the news?" "These two lovebirds are finally tying the knot." "PHIL:" "Congrats, dear fellow." "When's the happy day, what?" "We were going to keep it to ourselves for the present, but you know the ladies." "Oh, do I ever." "Sorry, darling." "CouIdn't keep it in." "It's nice to see you again, madam." "May I add my congratulations?" "Let's dance!" "If you don't mind, Edythe, I have a..." "Oh, you drone on, Joey." "Leonard will take me for a spin, won't you, Lenny?" "Be delighted, Edy." "EDYTHE:" "DeIysia, phil, come on." "Of course!" "(MUSIC ENDS)" "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "well, as we have no conversation," "I have no option but to ask you for the next dance." "alas, I can dance nothing but the waltz." "(BAND PLAYING WALTZ)" "Are you all right?" "Yes." "well, to take another woman's escort..." "You didn't take me, I took you." "I'm sure Edythe can cope." "What happened to that particularly beautiful scarf you were wearing at the fashion show?" "What are you talking about?" "(CHUCKLES)" "Despite your most elegant transformation, the body is still the same." "Mr. BIomfieId." "As are the eyes." "Most fetching, if I may say." "I'm not really sure you should say." "I'm sorry." "professional habit." "A bad one." "I have to remember you're not Iike these people." "Am I terribly oId-fashioned?" "Indeed you are." "And all the better for it." "Am I making you feel uncomfortable?" "This is the most comfortable I've felt all day." "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Nick CaIdereIIi's scarlet Peacock." "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "I'm delighted to introduce you tonight to a very talented lady friend of mine." "And she can sing, too." "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "It's my pleasure to bring you" "DeIysia Lafosse!" "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "You're too kind, really." "hello, michael." "How was prison?" "And to get us in the mood, we'II start with Hot Shoe Shimmy." "(BANGS ON PIANO KEYS)" "Change of program." "If I Didn't Care." "(PLAYING SLOW MUSIC)" "(SINGING) If I didn't care" "More than words can say" "If I didn't care" "would I feel this way?" "If this isn't love" "Then why do I thrill?" "And what makes my head go 'round and 'round" "while my heart stands still?" "If I didn't care" "would it be the same?" "would my every prayer begin and end" "With just your name?" "And would I be sure that this is love" "Beyond compare?" "would all this be true" "If I didn't care" "For you?" "If I didn't care" "would it be the same?" "would my every prayer begin and end" "With just your name?" "BO TH.:" "And would I be sure that this is love" "(VOICM BRMAKING) Beyond compare?" "would all this be true" "If I didn't care" "For you?" "Thank you, thank you." "really." "well, Iet's try something a little more upbeat, shall we?" "(PEOPLE CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)" "(AIR-RAID SIREN SOUNDING)" "MICHAEL:" "Ladies and gentlemen, this is an air raid shelter!" "Sir, stay..." "I'm going home." "You don't want to put your wife in danger." "My wife?" "She doesn't know I'm here." "I'm here, DeIysia." "Guinevere, I'm scared." "It's just a drill." "I'm sure it's just a drill." "But it won't always be, will it?" "We're going to war, aren't we?" "Yes, we are." "And that is why you must not waste a second of this precious life." "Listen to me." "Once, I too had ambitions." "Not your grand ones." "simple ambitions." "Marriage, children and a house of our own." "He died." "In the mud in France." "A good, solid man." "You would call him dull, no doubt, but he smiled whenever he saw me, and we could've built a life on that." "Your heart knows the truth, DeIysia." "Trust it, for life is short." "michael?" "michael?" "michael?" "(GASPS)" "Oh!" "DeIysia!" "My God." "I..." "Nothing for 19 years and then two in one day, what." "I'm so sorry." "The part's still yours, darling." "well, that's all right, phil." "You enjoy your Hortensia." "In every way." "It's just a drill, ladies and gentlemen, it's just a drill." "This is the safest place in London." "Come on, Iet's have some drinks on the house." "And some music, please!" "DELYSIA:" "michael?" "michael?" "michael, please wait!" "DeIysia, you've made your decision." "I hope you'II be happy." "michael." "please." "You have..." "Where do you think you're sneaking off to?" "The night is young." "You have the rest of a set to sing." "No, Nick, I don't think so." "Nobody walks off my stage." "She said no." "What, and she does what you say?" "Never once, as a matter of fact, but that's not the point." "The point is she doesn't want to sing." "End of story." "Let's go, DeIysia." "No." "I'm warning you, CaIdereIIi." "You, warning me?" "(CHUCKLES)" "After you, DeIysia." "PETTIGREW:" "Sock him in the jaw!" "ALL:" "What?" "I'm a pianist, damn it." "It could ruin me." "Why, you pathetic..." "darling." "This is your fault." "Is the offer still open?" "Get up!" "well?" "Is it a yes or is it a no?" "What?" "will you doggone marry me or will you doggone not?" "Yes." "God help me." "Yes." "PETTIGREW:" "I don't think I can bear it again." "Did you lose many?" "Just one." "You?" "almost every school friend I had." "One tries to forget." "If only one could." "You know, I distracted myself with ridiculous things, youth, parties, lingerie." "I mean, I trained in socks, for goodness sake." "Socks?" "There's a great deal of engineering in a gentleman's sock, I'II have you know." "Stitching of the heel..." "By comparison, designing a brassiere is a piece of cake." "Not that there aren't compensations." "None of them over 20, I imagine." "And all very easy on the eye." "But you know what?" "I'm done with it." "I'm going back to gentlemen's hosiery." "You know who you are with an honest pair of socks." "You certainly do." "told you about Gerry, has she?" "Didn't take you long to move on, hmm?" "Joe?" "hello, Edythe." "Did she also tell you that she hangs around the soup kitchen at the station?" "A tramp masquerading as some sort of social secretary, my God." "Goodbye, Mr. BIomfieId." "No, actually, she didn't." "Neither about that, nor about you and Gerry." "But I'm grateful for the truth, for a change." "hello?" "DeIysia?" "Miss Lafosse?" "MICHAEL:" "Come on, come on, the taxi's waiting." "DELYSIA:" "michael, don't rush me!" "Guinevere!" "Are you all right?" "We've been so worried." "perfectly well, thank you." "We've been scouring London for you." "Miss Lafosse..." "You have not been at the roulette wheel all night, have you?" "please, DeIysia, I'm trying to apologize." "I expect you've heard that I am not a social secretary at all." "I'm afraid I found myself pretending." "Miss Pettigrew, if that's you pretending, then you're jolly good at it." "Guinevere," "Sarah Grubb is not going to judge anybody for pretending." "MICHAEL:" "Come on, Grubb!" "This is us, I'm afraid, Miss Pettigrew." "Boat won't wait." "Are you really going?" "Mmm-hmm!" "To New York?" "Yep." "How wonderful." "But, Guinevere, what will you do?" "Don't you worry about me, petal." "Why, Miss HoIt is holding a job for me this very morning, I expect." "I will never forget the day we spent together." "Not ever." "Nor I." "(CAR STARTING)" "(LAUGHING)" "Oh, goodbye, Guinevere." "I Iove you." "Off with you." "Away." "Oh, come and visit!" "New York's bopping!" "(BELL TOLLING)" "Forgive the intrusion." "I'm glad to see you're safe." "Oh, yes." "Quite safe." "Am I right in thinking you're no Ionger employed, Miss Pettigrew?" "Quite correct." "So you're free?" "Quite free." "Might you be looking for a social secretary?" "No." "absolutely not." "Oh." "I'm looking for you." "Me?" "I've been looking for you all night, and, I believe all of my Iife." "If you'II have me." "A nod of the head will do me fine." "And I am, at a stroke, the happiest man in London." "What a night." "What a morning." "Have you eaten, my dear Guinevere?" "Oh, Joe," "I have not eaten for a very, very long time." "NICK.:" "Some music, please!" "(BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)"