" Hey" " Hey" "Where's Michael?" "Ain't he up yet?" "No, he got home really late last night" "I think that's the third time this week" "And I think he might have a girlfriend" "I'm not a good mother" "Oh look I..." "I'm serious It's not impossible" "I mean he's seen the way I'm around women" "He can't help if he picked up on some of it." "Oh, I guess it's possible you never know with Michael" "And he's really good at keeping his emotions to himself" "(..." "I am a man who will fight for your honor...)" "Correct me if I'm wrong" "But that is Peter Cetera- "the voice of modern love"" "(..." "Like a knight in shining armor from a long time ago...)" "Michael, Michael, eh...what is the..." "what is going on with you?" "OK, I met someone" " He met someone!" " Hey!" "And it's a woman" "It's a woman!" "Sorry I didn't tell you guys but... it's early, you know I only got out with her for couple of times..." "When can I meet her?" "No, I don't wanna overwhelm her,mom." "I won't overwhelm her she will love me!" "I'm a cool mom, I even got a tattoo on my ass to say so" "When can I meet her?" "Then we can schedule that little meeting when hell freezes over!" "Dude, you have a girlfriend." "It already did!" "Joey" " Season 1 Episode 23" " Hey" " Hey" "How come u are not laying out by the jacuzzi?" "Ah, there's this creepy teenager who is always staring at me out there but he's not around today so what's the point?" "Have...eh...have u seen Alex?" "Yeah, for like a second she seems very busy" "Yeah, i think that's how she's handling the divorce keeping herself distracted with all these projects like cleaning the garage scrubbing the hot tub..." "And the other day she offered to make me a pair of boots ah, say "yes"" "they smell weird but man are they comfortable!" "well, i think it's great she's keeping busy after my divorce i was so depressed it was all i could do to finish eleventh grade!" " hey u guys - hey" "What's wrong?" "Ah, I ran out of projects" "Hey you still haven't made me those boots" "I didn't know if you're a 7 or a 8... so..." "I made both" "Oh!" "Man, that batch smells even worse!" "Ah..." "look alex, are you okay?" "Yeah, I just think this the divorce thing is finally getting in to me" "I just feel that I'll never be happy again yes you will we'll help you" "Yeah, yeah...hey i'll take you to this comedy club i went to last week this guy was talking about how when white people make toast thay all butter, butter, butter..." "I don't get it i didn't get it either but everyone else in the club was laughing so i figured what the hell....." "You get off Powder Mountain and you never come back joey, you're talking to a wolf i don't know what you want me to do" "Eh...growl?" "okey...grrr.." "come on, gimme something grrrrrrrrr!" "wow!" "hey, wow!" "the scene is not all about you!" "so i....i got you little something you know, for today oh, wh...what's today?" "oh,it's no big deal it's just sort of our one month anniversary." "i know!" "happy anniversary!" "Oh my God!" "You got the card with the baby in the sunglasses too?" "!" "yeah!" "from the liquor store down on the corner?" "ah-hah, is was either this or that weird Garfield condolensce card... yes, i know, i love this" "We both cared enough to remember the day, but we're both too lazy to buy a thoughtful present!" "to the sweetest guy i know you're so special to me and i'm so happy i have you in my life" "you're hot i mean that" "i gotta get to work what are you doing today?" "some more head shots oh, i'm sorry i know you hate doing those it's just... it's the only work i've been getting since i moved here you know, except for this spanish languange milk-ad" "which is the most pornographic work i've ever done wow!" "she really likes milk!" "It's so frustrating!" "i tell you what if you 're this unhappy maybe i can en... i can talk to my agent to see if we can find you some better work yeah?" "you'll do that?" "hey!" "you're my girl!" "thank you, that would be great." "By the way, i think you're hot, too." "You could have said it in the card that's all i 'm saying... did alex's boot stain your feet black?" "yeah, it's awesome i don't have to wear dress socks anymore okay sweetie, i'll call you later... okay, well you hang up first though... no, you do it...no, you... okay, on the three one...two...three... i didn't hang up either!" "hello?" "en, mom, would it be ok if we celebrated mother's day at dinner instead of brunch?" "why?" "juz cuz, eh, Lorraine invited me over for brunch with her family why can't we all go to brunch together?" "i don't know, i... actually, Michael that might not be a bad idea" "Introduce her to your mom now while she still thinks everything you do is cute." "Yeah, you do it later, it could be a real deal-breaker." "So true;" "loose cannon." "Okay, fine, you're going to have to meet her eventually." "Just promise me you'll be nice, polite and respectful." "How about I promise not to use the "F" word?" "That's a good deal." "I would take that deal." "Hey." "BOBBIE:" "Joey!" "Aw, it's good to see you." "I'm one day into my new life of sobriety." "And it feels great." "Hey, I need a favor." "Oh, the pressure!" "Oh!" "Okay, listen, my girlfriend is an amazing photographer, and she's looking for more interesting work, and I thought maybe you would know someone." "Oh, sure." "My brother, he works at Newsweek." "I'm sure he could fix her up with a job, like that." "Okay." "Bobbie, if you don't want to help me, fine, all right?" "But you don't have to be sarcastic." "I wasn't being sarcastic." "This is how I talk." "My brother works at Newsweek!" "I'll give him a call." "Okay." "Well, that'd be great." "I mean, I really, I really like this girl." "We're having an amazing time together." "That's sounds great." "The most important thing to me is that your personal life is going well." "Oh, thank you." "That time I was being sarcastic." "Hey, Alex," "I heard about your divorce." "I'm really sorry." "Oh... thanks, Howard." "Uh, so I was thinking since we're both single, maybe you and I could..." "Oh, God, is this my future?" "That's not a no!" "Okay!" "Alex, come in here." "I have got a tape that is guaranteed to cheer you up." "Oh, what is it?" "Oh, it's an after-school special starring Joey Tribbiani as a Russian exchange student having a hard time fitting in." "Melissa, will you go to prom with me?" "GIRL:" "Sorry, Boris, but you just don't fit in." "Wait, wait, it gets better." "This is where his accent turns to French." "JOEY:" "Why are you so rude to me?" "Aw, come on." "I'm sorry." "Maybe I'm a lost cause." "No, you're not." "Okay, look, I have to go to brunch with Michael's girlfriend, but when I get back," "I promise" "I will find something to snap you out of this." "Michael's got a girlfriend?" "Yeah, I'm meeting her for the first time." "He's starting a relationship?" "I'm going to die alone!" "Hey, Howard likes you." "I am so excited to meet Lorraine." "She is real, right?" "We're not at some random person's house?" "Yes, she's real." "Hey, Michael!" "Hi." "Come on in." "Hi." "Hi." "It's so nice to meet you, Lorraine." "Oh, no, I'm not Lorraine." "I'm Tanya." "I'm sorry, I didn't know Lorraine had a sister." "No, no, no, Mom, Tanya's Lorraine's daughter." "Hey, you." "Hi." "Hi." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Oh, hello." "You must be Gina." "You must be kidding." "Well, hello there, gorgeous." "Hi." "I went to that Newsweek interview that your agent set me up with." "Thank you so much." "Hey, come on." "You're Joey Tribbiani's girlfriend." "There are some perks." "I can also get you Clipper tickets if you want, if you give me a couple months notice and don't care what team they're playing." "Joey, they offered me a job." "Oh, my God!" "That's so awesome!" "Hey!" "All right!" "Might I suggest we celebrate with a game of erotic hide and go seek?" "A hint:" "I will be on the bed, and I will be naked." "Good luck." "Wait." "The job's in Washington, D.C." "They want me to move in, in a week." "But, Sara... you're hot." "Washington D.C.?" "I can't believe this is happening now." "We've been having such a good time." "I know, the timing's terrible." "But it's such a huge opportunity." "I mean, it would be like if you got a chance to work with..." "Who's your favorite actor?" "Sir Anthony Hopkins." "The Rock." "Wow." "Yeah." "Things might be different if we were further along in our relationship, but we don't know where this is going." "Do we?" "Do you?" "No, I don't." "Look, I don't want to be the guy who stands in the way of your career." "So, what are we gonna do?" "I guess you should take this job." "Yeah." "Yeah." "What do we do until I leave?" "I mean, the more time we spend together, the sadder it's gonna get." "We could have a long, drawn-out good-bye or we could do the smart thing and end it now." "Long drawn-out good-bye it is." "I'm going to go get started on brunch." "Can I get you a coffee?" "Yes, a vodka would be great." "You know, I love your purse." "It's very hip." "I could never pull something off like that." "It's too young for me." "Worried about the purse, are you, Lorraine?" "Mom." "I'm sorry." "So, how did you two meet?" "Well, I manage the bookstore at CalTech and I noticed Michael coming around a lot, even on Saturday nights." "So I started to suspect that he was coming for something other than books." "I was wrong." "But a connection was made and here we are." "We have so much in common." "I'm so very happy to have found Michael." "And I'm very happy for you." "After all, all the best men of your generation were lost to war." "Okay." "Uh, Mom..." "No, Michael, it's all right, really." "Gina, I know why my age might make you feel uncomfortable." "But Michael and I have a really nice time." "We go to museums, we take nature walks." "We watch Cagney and Lacey reruns together." "How's that vodka coming, Tanya?" "!" "Bobbie, you got my girlfriend a job in Washington D.C.?" "!" "I can't believe you." "What were you thinking?" "That's what you wanted." "To get rid of her." "No!" "I don't want her to move." "I really like her." "I told you that." "I got to be honest." "I probably only listen to half the things you say to me." "Then I just say stuff to keep the conversation moving." "What?" "Are you serious?" "!" "That sounds great." "Let's do it." "I can't believe you were so rude to Lorraine." "I thought I was very respectful." "You asked her if she was in the movie Cocoon." "You look me in the eye and tell me she doesn't look like Jessica Tandy." "She's 45, Mom!" "God." "She's old." "That's what's wrong with her." "Boy, I didn't see that one coming." "You know, I slept with a woman twice my age once." "She was one of my teachers." "I got an "A" in that class." "That's how they caught her." "I'm not sleeping with her." "Besides, what does it matter how old Lorraine is-- I like her." "What's wrong with women your own age?" "They're so immature." "They don't know what they want." "They're always playing these games." "You know, with Lorraine, I get to skip all that." "She knows who she is." "She doesn't have time for any of that nonsense." "That's because she's going to die soon." "Hey, Joey, I'm looking for something to cheer Alex up." "Do you still have that singing plastic fish?" "That was supposed to sing?" "It scared the hell out of me." "I smashed it with a hammer." "I was really counting on that fish." "Oh, don't worry." "Just go downstairs, check your email." "I sent you a video of a cat going to town on this dude's crotch." "Okay." "Hey, are you okay?" "You've been up here all day." "I 'm just bummed about Sarah." "I can't believe I'm losing her to a stupid magazine." "Joey, why don't you just ask Sara to stay?" "I can't do that." "We're not far enough into this thing." "Well, why don't you move the relationship forward?" "Like how?" "Ask her to move in or something?" "No, not that." "That's too big." "( chuckles )" "But have you told her that you love her?" "No." "I mean, I've only said that to a woman once before, and it blew up in my face." "We were living together." "She was pregnant with my best friend's baby, and she ended up with him." "Yeah, that did blow up in your face." "Oh." "Right." "Joey, I mean, the only thing that matters is do you love Sara?" "I don't know." "Maybe." "I think so." "Boy, if it was me," "I'd roll the dice and say it." "If not, you're always going to wonder if saying it would have kept her here." "Maybe you're right." "Look, I know I don't tell you this often, but it's really nice to have someone here" "I can share my feelings with." "It means a lot to me." "You can't tell Sara you love her, but this vagina monologue just pours out of you?" "Good talk." "Michael, what are you doing here?" "Oh, I really wish you'd called." "Why?" "You got another man over here or something?" "( sighs ) Michael..." "What?" "You do?" "We make out, and it's just on to the next young stud?" "Baby, the hot tub is cooling off." "Professor Brightwiser." "Hello, Michael." "So, what?" "You think you can just move in on my girlfriend, huh?" "Well, this is, uh, this is awkward." "Well, I-I hope it won't affect your decision to be my, uh, research assistant." "If by "assisting" you mean falsifying data to justify your half-baked thesis, then sure, sign me up." "Michael, please!" "There's no need to attack anyone's data." "Spencer, can you give us a minute?" "Of course." "Okay." "Lorraine... what's going on?" "I guess I should have told you about Spencer, but I thought that you knew that what you and I had, that it could never be that serious." "Why not?" "Because I'm a lot older than you." "I mean, I'm older than your mother." "It's not your fault my mom was a slutty teen." "I'm sorry, Mhael." "I love being with you." "But if you want a serious relationship, then you need to be with someone more your own age." "So I'll see you at the bookstore?" "( scoffs ) I think I'll take my business elsewhere." "We're having a sale on physics textbooks." "I'll see you Monday morning." "Okay, there's no way this is not gonna make you laugh." "For the fifth day in a row, that angry squirrel has kept Howard from getting to his car." "Oh, Gina, I appreciate this, but you can't force me to be happy." "When I'm ready to laugh again, I will." "Hey." "Hey." "Well..." "Lorraine dumped me." "Oh, my God." "What happened?" "She's seeing another man." "Oh, honey." "I know you thought if you dated someone who was more mature, you'd get to skip the hard parts, but you can't." "Even with a woman who's 45." "You're dating a 45-year-old woman?" "I was, until she started seeing" "Professor Brightwiser." "Professor Brightwiser?" "How old is he?" "I don't know, 65, 70." "Yeah, you laugh, but Professor Brightwiser gets all the women." "Ever since he got his hip replaced, he's been unstoppable." "Oh, that's perfect." "I'm not gonna die alone." "I have you." "Sara." "Hi." "Okay, look..." "I have something to tell you, and it's... it's not the kind of thing that's easy for me to say, so..." "Here." "I know you want this job, and I don't know if this is going to change anything, but before you go," "I want you to know that..." "I may be falling..." "No, I am... falling." "I mean..." "I..." "I love you, too." "You do?" "Yeah." "Hey, that feels nice." "Oh." "This is so awesome." "So you're going to stay?" "You're not." "Is it because I didn't actually say it?" "'Cause I can get there, I swear." "Oh God!" "God, this is so confusing." "I mean, I-I love you." "And you love me." "And I want to stay with you, but this job..." "God, it's just, it is the kind of work that I've always wanted to do, you know?" "I mean..." "I don't know what I'm supposed to do." "Move in with me." "What?" "Yeah, you want to know where this is going?" "That's where it's going-- move in with me." "Joey, that's huge." "( meekly ):" "Uh-huh." "Hey, how did it go with Sara?" "Did you tell her you love her?" "Uh-huh." "Then I asked her to move in!" "What?" "Surprised?" "Me, too!" "What about me?" "Just... if she moves in here, where am I going to go?" "I mean, I can't move back in with my mother." "That's true." "He can't." "I turned his room into a recording studio." "I have dreams." "All right, well, look." "We didn't talk about it but worse comes to worse, you can stay here with me and my live-in girlfriend in this apartment that won't stop spinning." "You guys have only been going out a month, and you asked her to move in with you?" "That is a big decision." "Seems a little fast to me." "Yeah?" "You like thinking through life's big decisions, do ya?" "You're actually going to go through with this?" "Well, I want her to stay, and moving in is was the only thing" "I could think of to get her to stay." "And if I'm not totally comfortable with it yet." "I'll..." "I'll..." "I'll fake it till I get there." "You really think you can pull that off?" "Please." "Come on." "I'm an actor." "Hey." "Hey." "I was thinking about going shopping tomorrow." "If we're going to live together, maybe we can get some new things." "What do you think?" "That sounds really nice-- buying stuff together." "It's like a whole new start." "Love it." "Wow." "That was some good acting." "Hey, guys." "Hey." "Hey, something kind of exciting happened yesterday." "A guy at work asked me out." "Wow." "That was quick." "I know." "I just started telling people" "I'm getting divorced, like, two days ago." "And then this guy that I never really even talked to comes up to me..." "Ah, the Office Joey." "What?" "There's a group of men- of which I am a proud member- whose senses are so finely tuned that they can identify the need for rebound sex." "And we provide that sex." "I don't think he's that kind of guy." "Oh, really?" "Did he offer to help you move furniture now that your husband's gone?" "He did." "Well-played, Office Joey." "So you going to go out with him?" "I guess so." "Yeah." "I'm going to go on my first date." "Wow." "That's a big step." "Yeah." "Speaking of which, I heard about you and Sara." "I know." "Huh?" "It's a little fast, but I'm really excited to take our relationship to the next level." "I didn't buy it that time." "Yeah, I may be losing it." "So Seth and I were waiting in line for the opening of the new Star Wars movie, right?" "Seth got into a fight..." "lost our place." "That kid got into a fight?" "Yeah." "Another person in line was also dressed as Princess Leia, and he, like, considers that his thing." "Look, Michael, if you want, I could call my agent and see if she could get you into, like, an advance screening." "Oh, my God." "That would be incredible." "I mean, I'd be the coolest guy in Cal Tech." "Except for that guy who can throw a Frisbee." "I'll give Bobbie a call." "Wait." "I don't know." "I don't like the way she looks at Michael." "How did she look at him?" "The way I look at the guy who delivers Joey's water." "Gina, that guy is filthy." "I know." "Hey, Bobbie, you got a minute?" "Oh, good." "It's you." "Great news." "I got you the cover of Bride magazine." "What?" "Why?" "Is this not Tori Spelling?" "No." "It's Joey." "Oh, good." "It's you." "Listen." "They want you to go in to work today to shoot a promo for the season finale of Deep Powder." "Today?" "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" "I've been busy." "Some crazy people at work think I have a drinking problem." "I can't go to the bathroom without them staging an intervention." "And it's killing me, 'cause that's where I do most of my drinking." "Well, look, anyway, the reason I'm calling is because I need a favor for my nephew." "Really?" "Well, put him on." "She wants to talk to you." "He... hello." "Hello, Michael." "Ah..." "Is it time?" "No." "I'm just actually calling to see if you could get my friend Seth and I tickets to a Star Wars screening." "Done." "But, in return, I would like pictures of you doing the following things:" "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "Okay." "This better be one hell of a movie." "Okay, I think we can get some new kitchen utensils, a new bath mat..." "No, no." "That's small stuff." "We need sheets, towels, comforters, matching robes, some of those really nice wooden hangers." "Oh, hold on a second." "I saw something back there that would be great for us." "Got it." "Joey, this is a baby monitor." "I don't think we're ready for that." "But someday soon!" "You okay?" "Yeah." "It's just a little hot in here, that's all." "Guess we're buying that." "Ooh!" "These would look so nice in the new place." "Oh, are you guys just moving in together, too?" "Yes, we are." "Oh... ( whispering ):" "Get out while you can!" "Can I help you?" "Oh, yeah." "We're, um, we're looking for some new towels." "We're moving in together." "And I'm excited." "I'd go with these." "They're not cheap, but they'll last you guys forever." "Forever?" "Well, that's a long time." "You're really gonna love them." "I didn't say I didn't love them!" "I love them, and that's huge!" "Okay, what's going on?" "Are you having second thoughts about all this?" "No." "No." "It's the towels!" "I'm freaking out about living with these towels!" "Oh, God." "You're not talking about the towels,are you?" "I knew this was too fast." "Oh, God!" "Oh, God!" "( whispering ):" "She's not looking." "Run!" "How you doing?" "Feeling any better?" "Great!" "Nothing cures a panic attack like a 75-mile-an-hour drive home." "I didn't know you were freaking out about moving in." "I wasn't freaking out until you were freaking out." "What happened?" "You seemed so sure about it." "I was acting!" "Wow." "You're good!" "I know!" "Why do I keep getting jeers in TV Guide?" "!" "It's just so fast!" "I've never moved in with anyone before." "The longest I ever dated someone was six weeks." "What?" "!" "You don't know about relationships either?" "!" "What the hell are we doing here?" "!" "Who's flying this plane?" "!" "I was willing to take a chance and do this, but it scares me that you're so unsure." "One of us has to be certain." "I pick you." "I'm sorry." "It's just..." "It is..." "it's just so scary." "I know." "Maybe we shouldn't do this." "I can probably get my job back in D.C." "No." "I don't want you to go." "Sara, I love you." "I do." "I love you." "And I will stop freaking out." "I promise." "Okay." "Then so will I." "Okay." "You know, that's the first time you actually said "I love you" to me." "I did?" "!" "Eh?" "Take that, TV Guide." "Hey, Bodie." "What's up?" "Dude!" "I don't know what's going on, but all these extras keep on hitting on me." "Oh." "I'm in a committed relationship now, so I've been referring them to you." "Oh, dude!" "Okay, guys let's get started." "Well, I haven't seen the script for the promo yet." "Oh, don't worry about it." "The whole thing's on cue cards." "It's really simple." "Oh." "Oh, great." "Gunnar, you're in this thing, too?" "That's right." "You ready for me to put the "pro" in "promo"?" "How does he come up with that stuff?" "Okay, guys." "A couple of takes, then you'll be out of here." "Let's roll it." "Deep Powder promo, take one." "And... action!" "Hey, America." "I hope you enjoyed tonight's exciting Deep Powder finale." "Where, for the next three hours, you can vote for which one of us gets killed off at the beginning of next season." "Wait." "What?" "Did you guys know about this?" "Yeah." "Isn't it a cool contest?" "No!" "They're gonna kill one of us." "Why aren't you guys upset?" "!" "I'm so much bigger than this crappy show." "And I'm just really high right now, so..." "Whew!" "Hi." "I'm Michael." "Hello, Michael." "Alan..." "Banderwald." "I know who you are." "You were assistant editor on Episode II." "Uncomfortable, huh?" "Yeah, I do that to people." "Seth, where the hell are you?" "The movie's about to start, and I'm sitting next to Alan Banderwald!" "What do you mean, you never got your ticket?" "Then who has it?" "Surprise!" "They're gonna kill me at work!" "Is it 'cause of that chair I stole?" "What?" "I guess not." "What are you talking about?" "There's gonna be an Internet vote to see if they're gonna kill me or Gunnar or Bodie." "Oh, no." "They can't kill Bodie." "Hey, guys." "I just wanted you to check my outfit before my date." "Wow, Alex!" "You look great!" "Really?" "Yeah." "Office Joey's gonna be bragging to Office Michael tomorrow." "I haven't been on a date in, like, ten years." "Have the rules changed?" "What's expected of me?" "What do you mean?" "Well, I mean, like, do I have to have sex at the end of the night?" "Alex, of course not." "You can have it at the beginning." "Don't listen to him." "Just do whatever you want." "Just have fun." "All right, I'm doing this." "Tonight, I officially start moving on." "I'm gonna get wild." "I'm gonna stay out late." "I'm gonna put perfume right there." "I'm gonna say it." "I'm a little turned on right now." "All right." "I'm going to go check in with Sara." "I, uh..." "I got her a little present to show her I'm excited about moving in." "Oh, I see what you're doing." "Got a little piece of jewelry hidden in there." "No, no." "The towels are the gift." "It's a symbol." "Of your cheapness?" "Hey, Joey." "Oh, hey, Howard." "I just heard about the Deep Powder online voting thing, and I want you to know I'm going to vote as many times as it takes to save you." "That's really nice, but you're just one person." "It's not going to make a difference." "How do you think Win a Date with Tad Hamilton won the People's Choice Award for best picture?" "You did that?" "Yeah." "I used up all my vacation days, but it got done." "Well, thanks, Howard." "You're okay." "You're my best friend, too!" "Okay." "Sara?" ""Joey, I love you, but we're not ready for this." ""And you're such a good guy, you would 've done it anyway." ""I'm sorry, but I thought if I saw you," "I'd change my mind." "Sara."" "Oh, no, this is so sad." "It's like on Deep Powder when Bodie's girlfriend left his..." "Enough about Bodie!" "I can't believe she left without saying good-bye." "I blew it, Gina." "Oh... you didn't blow it." "You can't help it if you're not ready." "Stupid Newsweek!" "Time Magazine, you just got a new subscriber!" "Really?" "Well, I'll pick up one copy." "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry." "Can I get you a drink?" "Yeah, sure." "Jeez, there's no alcohol." "What happened here?" "You had a Cinco de Mayo party for one." "Ah, si." "Hey, I thought you were at Star Wars." "You didn't stay till the end?" "Did Bobbie show up?" "Okay." "She cannot do this to my son." "I am going to track her down and give her a piece of my mind." "Whoa, whoa, Gina, you're going to embarrass Michael." "He doesn't want you fighting his battles for him." "Check her office." "I think she's in her office." "Oh, good." "I've got a big problem." "I invited Peter over and now he's in my bathtub naked." "Wow, that was fast." "I could learn a thing or two from Office Joey." "No, this is all my fault." "I think I may have led him on a little bit." "Alex, don't blame yourself." "I told him to take off all his clothes, get in to my bath tub, and wait for a long night of passionate lovemaking." "You may share some of the blame." "Yeah, I know, but I was just so excited about moving on." "And I wasn't really into it tonight, but I just thought that if I kept pushing forward," "I would get into it." "You want me to get rid of him?" "Oh, that would be great." "But we have to do it fast." "Right now I'm supposed to be changing into this." "And it cost me $300 and I don't even know which side is the front!" "I'll take care of this." "Wait... what are you gonna do?" "I know how he thinks, okay?" "Any guy who offers sex to women on the rebound lives in constant fear of the returning husband." "Honey, I'm back and I want to make this marriage work!" "I think I heard him go out the window." "I bet we can see him run down the hill." "Well, he's gonna have to drop that towel if he wants to pick up any speed." "There he goes!" "Thanks, Joey." "No problem." "Can I come over for a little bit?" "My apartment smells of bath oil and shame." "Sure." "I was really looking forward to tonight." "I just..." "I can't believe it ended so badly." "I thought I could just jump right into this dating thing, but I am way too weird for this." "Hey, Alex... you'll be fine." "Yeah, that's easy for you to say." "You and Sara are all happy." "You're going to move in together." "Sara's gone." "What?" "She moved to Washington." "We're... over." "No!" "That's just so..." "No, no, no, I'm in a very delicate place right now." "No being sad, okay?" "I need you to say something to cheer me up." "Okay." "Remember that video of that monkey riding a dog?" "That worked." "Thanks." "Is there anything I can do?" "Well, I wanted a drink, but I don't have any booze." "Oh, I just realized I've got stuff to drink in my room." "Oh, why?" "Well, I've got it set up so if there's any item a lady might require, you know, drinks, extra toothbrush, selections from Oprah's Book Club..." "Do you have "Waiting to Exhale"?" "Do I have "Waiting to Exhale"?" "Get up there!" "Oh, yeah, you were right." "Yes, the intervention was a real eye-opener." "Yeah, I'm calling from the rehab right now." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah, I'll see you in 28 days." "Sucka!" "Okay, lady, we need to talk." "Excuse me?" "I have sat around long enough, hearing about how you've pawed and threatened my boy." "It ends now." "You are way off-base." "First of all, I'm a respectable woman and I would never be sexually aggressive with a young man." "And second, which one's mother are you?" "Michael's." "Oh, he's the best one." "Look, I know you're a big shot, and you probably think I should be afraid of you, but if you ever bother him again," "I cannot be responsible for what happens to you." "I'm not kidding around." "Listen..." "No, you listen." "This is not open for debate." "You got that, you crazy- eyed, lunatic-pervert-witch?" "!" "Huh?" "You bother him again," "I'll send you back to whatever fairy tale you escaped from." "No one talks to me like that!" "Would you like a job?" "Another round?" "Thanks." "I would like to propose a toast to you, a bright spot in an otherwise terrible day." "Oh..." "And I would like to toast you for letting me take this necklace out of your lost-and-found." "This is fun." "Yeah, it really is." "I'm sad." "Yeah, me, too." "I don't know what the hell I'm doing." "I don't know how to be single." "I don't know how to be not single." "On Monday I have to give a coworker his pants back." "I'll take that over what happened to me... my girlfriend left me without saying good-bye." "I'm getting divorced." "I'm never gonna have an adult relationship." "I haven't had sex in three months." "I got nothing that'll top that." "God, this sucks." "I hate feeling this way." "Me, too." "Next time I am with someone," "I am gonna take it real slow." "Yeah." "And I'm not gonna be with anyone at all for a while." "Smart." "What'd you... what'd you do that for?" "I..." "I don't know." "Hey, Howard." "How's the online voting coming?" "Really good." "The poll's closing in an hour." "I'll make sure there's no way Joey's gonna die." "Good work, Howard." "Howard, what are you doing?" "Voting for Joey." "Joey Tribbiani." "Submit." "Joey Tribbiani." "Submit." "Howard, the question is "Which Deep Powder actor do you think should be killed off?"" "Joey Tribbiani." "Submit." "Howard!" "You 're gonna get Joey fired." "How many times did you vote?" "7632 times." "I have to undo this." "Gunnar." "Submit." "Gunnar." "Submit." "Gunnar." "Submit." "Gunnar." "Submit." "...By InViVe..."