"I'm Wayne Malloy." "My family and iare travelers." "Our kind has been living in this country for 150 years." "We're not listed in the phone book, we don't have social security numbers." "We live off the grid." "Some call us gypsies, others call us thieves, most though, don't even know we exist." "I've got three kids, a boy, a girl, and, uh... um... my wife Dahliais just out of jail, on parole." "We took her hometo the traveler camp." "The familygave her a warm welcome." "I,on the other hand, gota different type of welcome." "I am the new boss." "He is the old boss." "Get over it." "Sometimes,it takes a beating to make you realize it's time to move on." "So where are we gonna go ?" "Life's a river, kid." "You gotta go where it takes you." "So, with a loan from the family bank," "I packed up the rv and went out in search of something better, something we could all be proud of, something with a bit more substance." "Look,dale and I had a disagreement." "It wasn't that long before the family tried to stop us." "You're in the wrong lane, asshole !" " Mick, look out !" " Shit !" "Stop !" "Oh, my god, no !" "Unfortunately, they stopped someone else instead, and then they ran." "Knowing that we couldn't go back to our old home, we decided to visit their new home, eden falls, as the riches." "Now, who buys a house on the internet ?" "Come and meet our new neighbors." "Doug, meet hugh panetta, biggest asshole east of the Mississippi." "You flatter me, Jim." " You're sleep in gout here, huh ?" " Yeah." "You people wanna wake up with no soul," "I'm proud to say my family is finally on the grid and surrounded by substance." "I've taken many things in my life, but I'm on my way to taking something I never thought possible." "The american dream... we're gonna steal it." "What are you doing ?" "Practicing." "Practicing what ?" "Being her." "Why don't you come practice being her with me ?" "You wanna do it like a buffer, Wayne ?" "Oh, you know how buffers do it ?" "How ?" "Once a year in a cave, standing up like polar bears." " Like polar bears ?" " Yeah, that's it." "I think they fake it." " What, the polar bears ?" " A lot." "Oh !" "Oh, fake it,wayne." "Oh, fake it like a buffer." "Oh, Wayne !" "Wayne !" "Oh, god damn it, Wayne !" "Oh !" " It's me." " Where are you ?" "I can't say." "Far." "You didn't even say good bye." "I couldn't." "When am I ever gonna see you again ?" "I don't know." "I don't even know what we're doing here." "I miss you." "Tammy ?" "Shit, Ma's comin'." "I gotta go." "I love you." "Oh." "Man's gettin' calls in the middle of the night, baby." "Can't be a good thing." "Maybe it's ed Mc Mahon." "Maybe Doug'Sal ready a winner." "Don't be stupid, Ed Mc Mahon don't call." "He'd come to the house." "Promise me you won't answer this." " Baby, I..." " promise me." "All right, all right." "Ow." "We can do this." "People do it all the time." "Oh, they do ?" "They move into dead people's houses, steal all their stuff, and pretend to be them ?" "Baby, this... all thisis manifest destiny." "It's meant to be." "You're my queen, baby." "But, Wayne... what if I like it ?" "Nothing wrong with liking it." "When I was a girl," "I always wanted to go to a prom." "Wear one of them big, old Fancy dresses." "Have some of those..." "what you call 'em ?" "Shoes ?" "You asshole." "No, them flower things." "Think of the life we can have." "Think of the kids." " It's not real, Wayne." " We can make it real." "I'm gonna go check on the kids." "Okay." "Three, four, five, six, seven, eight." "Okay." "All right." "The Riches Season 1 Episode 02" "Where do you think it all goes ?" "You know, I don't know, Sam, but it sure does make a lot of noise gettin' there." "Stop it, Sam." "This guy's got crap taste in music, but he's got cool shit." "Hey, listen to this," ""when you follow your bliss," ""doors will appear where there would not have been doors before and where there wouldn't be for anyone else' does that mean ?" "I think it's what we're doing here." "What ?" "Bliss ?" " What's bliss ?" " Bliss is passion." "If you live your life with passion," " fortune follows you." " Yeah, works real well" " if it's in a house behind a big-ass gate." " Maybe." "Maybe we're following our bliss." "Okay, listen up, team, we got a lot to do today." " Sajak !" " Shit, dad !" "All right, split up." "Hey, no, you guys stay together." "Hey, no, no." "Steash." "Stop." "The riches are law-abiding citizens." "Everyone stay where you are." "I'll handle this." "Hide." "Good morning, officer." "What can I do for you ?" "Mr. Rich ?" "Mr. Douglas rich ?" "Is there a problem ?" "Oh, that depend son what you call a problem." "I noticed you don't have a system." "A system ?" "An alarm system ?" "Officer lloyd shrage, spartan security." "I like to welcome you and congratulate you on movin' to the safest community in Louisiana." "Uh, thank you very much, officer." "I am so glad to, uh..." "to hear that." "My family is very precious to me." "At spartan, we provide for all of our residents' security needs :" "Alarm systems, 24-hour patrol dispatch, and armed patrol." " Oh, well armed ?" " You bet." " We all carry assault weapons." " No shit." "When you all get settled in, then you give us a call," " 'cause you can't be too careful these days." " No, I noticed that." "So, yeah, I will do this, officer shrage." "Excellent." "Armed weapons, keep 'em locked and loaded." "Good." "Easy peasy Japanesey." "Hello ?" "You people have got to relax." "Buffers are not afraid of cops." "Cops are our friends." "What if that had been a cop ?" "What if that had been someone coming to find them ?" "Do you know what happens if they find us ?" "Do you know what happens to me ?" "I go back to prison." "You go to prison." "Kids go to Foster Homes." "You want that ?" "We'll run if we have to." "Somehow, you're gonna have to trust me." "Oh,I heard that before." "Okay." "So listen up, troops." "We're gonna dig into these buffers' lives until it bleeds." "I wanna know about their friends, their families, their jobs, their hat size." "Cal, get into those gadgets, please." "Just get those messages, read those e-mails." "Will you do that ?" "Thank you very much." "Very kind." "Didi, grab that big laundry basket full of mail and pull out any pre-approvedcredit card applications." " Dougy's gonna need some new credit cards." " Okay." " Um..." " what can I do, dad ?" "Sammy, I want you to get my bag o' tricks and make us out some new I. D. S, okay ?" "Okay." "Baby, if you could get Doug's calendar, hers, too." "Just find out any relatives, friends, things about that and stuff... sex slaves, whatever." "Anybody who does good work gets to shove something down the sink the sink." " Try "rich" with two rs." " Already did." "No go." "Honestly, who spends $450on one pair of shoes ?" " Try really rich guys." " And she buys three or four at a time." "I know, and every oneof them butt ugly." " Seriously." " No taste." " Try "rich dead guy. "" " Surprisingly, no." "What date is it today ?" "It's the 23rd." "Okay." "Well, yesterday was apparently his secretary's birthday." "Are you... yes !" "Well, hi there." "Is this the javitz hair salon ?" "No ?" "You're a law firm ?" "Okay." "I have the wrong number." "Silly me." "Bye." "Got it." "Doug is a republican." "His best friend is pete." "Pete's a mortgage broker from Dallas." "He's e-mailed twice about a golf trip, and Doug is waiting for "big Mama's house ii"on netflix." "Damn, I'm good." "Well done." "Okay, e-mail him straight back." "Uh, tell him you got a contagious disease, an illness." " Mono." " Chlamydia." " From a female." " Okay, mono." "Mono." "And sign it the way Doug would." ""Weasel. "" "Would I make that up ?" "Shit." "Damn it." "Where you going, Tammy ?" "What the hell ?" " Get out the way." " No." "Move your ass." "I know what you're up to." "I'm going with you." "The hell you are." "I'm not happy, Dale." "You promised a marriage for Ken." "What do you think I am doing, Ginny Dannegan ?" " You're following Tammy Sims." "I know about her and cal." " Oh, yeah ?" " I know everything." " You don't know shit." "I know Wayne Malloy stole the family bank." "I know that you are up to your eye balls in shit if you don't get that money back." "I know none of this is helping your position here." "I know all that." "Get out." "No." "Get out of my truck !" "No !" "Aah !" "Let..." "Let go of me." "Let go of me." "You soy excuse for a man." "I am pregnant, asshole." " Easy, Dale." " You okay, Ginny ?" "Mind your own business." "Oh, god damn it." "I lost her." "That's real nice, hittin' a pregnant woman." " What did you say to me ?" " Nothin'... dick head." "You son of a bitch." "God !" "Broke my leg !" "Pussy." "Oh." "Oh, damn." "Doug Rich was a litigator, a securities lawyer, whatever that is." "Cherien was his dental hygienist." "They fell in love during a gum scraping" " and were married two years ago." " In tampa." "Took a long honey moon around the world, kept a blog of their trip." "Doug doesn't seem to have too many friends, except that guy pete, who gave the toast on his wedding video," " so Pete could be trouble." " Cherien ?" "Cherien's dad is dead and her Ma'sin a nursing home in biloxi." "Okay, apart from Pete not gonna have much trouble from family or friends." "So, it looks like Doug and Cherien's monthly expenses are about $7,500 a month." "We gotta find about eight grand a month for this new life," " and by "we," I mean you." " Thank you." "Well, I mean, yeah, if we don't want the credit collectors on our asses." "Judging from his tax returns, Doug was raking in the kush." "Doug had to be planning on makin' a living here, yeah ?" "Well, it's funny you should mention that because..." "Dougy was looking for work as a lawyer," " and you've gota lunch interview today." " Huh ?" "Let me look at that." "Hi, Doug Rich." "Yeah, Doug Rich." "Hey, how you doin' ?" "Doug Rich" "Hi, I'm Doug." "I'm Doug." "I'm Doug." "Hi, Doug, Doug Rich." "Doug Rich." "You like that ?" "Hello." "Didi." "You're looking good, dad." "You're looking good." " You're really gonna do this ?" " It's not like I'm gonna get the job." "I just gotta turn up." "If Doug doesn't turn up someone's gonna wonder why, and we don't want that, do we ?" "Why don't you just call in sick ?" "Too late." "It wouldn't look right." "You don't know the first thing about the law." "Well, I talked my way out of that Nashville thing." " The judge was drunk." " Bullshit is Bullshit." "Oh, I know Bullshit, Wayne." "And right now, you are full of it." "You just wanna play." "You just wanna see if you can get this job." "Why don't you just let me do my thing ?" "You just sit there and look pretty." "Don't break any laws, don't break any windows, don't break anything." "Come on, Cal." "You son of a bitch !" "You, get out." "Go on." "Just like your dad." "Don't you smile at me !" "Asshole." "Break anything." "I'll break your ass." "One pill." "Well, that ain't gonna do it." "God damn it, Didi !" "Damn it !" "Put the cookie down." "Put it down, half pint." "Put the cookie down !" " But I want one." " Put the cookie down." "You're gonna have to make your own." "Hi, Nina." "I made you some cookies." "Give me some drugs ?" "Hi, Nina." "I made you some cookies." "You got any more of them little pills ?" "Hi, Nina." "You got any drugs ?" "Shit, shit, shit." "Well, hey there, Dahlia." "Hi, Nina." "I made you some cookies." "To thank you for my hand and everything." "Well, thanks, Hon." " So you wanna come in ?" " Uh, yeah." "I saw your two girls out riding their bikes today." "My girls ?" "Uh, Didi, and the... and the little one ?" "Oh, Sam." "She's cute, real cute." "Yeah, she is." "Real cute." "What school you got them in ?" "Oh, we haven't decided yet." " So, Nina..." " hmm ?" "Oh, Nina, you know these little pills you gave me yesterday ?" "I was just wondering, like, if you just had like a few more ?" "I gave you five, Hon." "That's enough to last you four more days." "I know, but would you believe I dropped them all in the toilet ?" "Darlin', maybe you need to ask yourself why you need them in the first place." "On second thought, it's really none of my business." "But what I can do is give you the name of a nice doctor in town." "Dr. Salhanny ?" "He's a sensitive man who understands the sometimes... distressing nature of modern life." "How long will you be needing a rental car, Mr. Pratt ?" "A couple of weeks." "My 740's in the shop." "Chip here took it out for a drive, got it side-swiped." "It was some dick wad in the corvette, Chuck." "So chip won't be driving for a while." "Well, Chuck, it wasn't exactlymy fault, now, was it ?" "Troy, could you tell chip to tell that to all state ?" "Well, Geez, if you're used to driving' a 740, you'll probably be interested in renting a car from our prestige collection" "Jaguar, Rover..." "Mercedes." "Sure, we can... we can pick you up." "Yes, we would." "Come on, mom !" "I'm comin' !" "You're so slow." " Somebody's tired." " Hurry up !" "Ohh !" " Come on." " I'm gonna snag my pantyhose on the bike chain." "Who the hell wears pantyhose ?" "Stuck in Buffer ville, Circa 1954." " Oh, man." " Come on." "Wait up !" "Didi ?" "Just stop !" "Hey !" "Stop !" "Hey !" "Stop !" "The rv !" "Stop it !" "Aw, shit." "I knew we shouldn't have parked there." "That's right." "Y'all are tress pasin'." "Hi, there." "You're on my land." " Keep tellin' my husband we need a fence." " So what ?" "You just had it towed ?" "How'd ya'll get in the front gate ?" " We live here." " Yeah, in that really big house" " just right over there." " I've never seen you before." "So, you know everyone then ?" "Well, as a matter fact, I do." "I'm Hartley Underwood, President of e-ha, the eden falls home owners association." " Great." " And who are you ?" "I'm Cherien Rich." "This is Didi, this is Sam." "My husband is Doug Rich." "He's a securities lawyer." "He's a republican." "The riches." "I was told there wouldn't be children." "Yeah, condoms ain't what they used to be." "Huh." "Well, it was real nice to meet you, Charlene." "Oh, and by the way, we are not zoned for boat or rv parking'here in eden falls." "I guess you're gonna have to make other arrangements." "It's Cherien, you stupid Ludney bitch." "What about my colored pencils ?" "Hey, we're gonna get 'em back, all right, honey ?" "Don't worry about it, I promise." "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god !" "What is wrong with her now ?" "Come on, mom." "Okay, eight from the door here." "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight." "Which tree was it ?" "Oh, god." "Oh, man." " Hey, mom." " Yeah ?" "What are you doing ?" "Nothin'." "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight." "Okay, let's go." "$235 ?" "175 for the towing, plus $60 for the ticket." "Well, all right." "This has just been a big, old stupid mistake." "Plus, I'm gonna need to see a valid driver's license and proof of owner ship." "Proof of owner ship ?" "Well, we just moved here, so I don't know where my husband keeps all the documents." " So if you'd just..." " that's not my problem." "NO ID ?" "No proof of Ownership ?" "NO VEHICLE !" "For all I know, you could've stole it." " May shit rain down on these honest buffer ways." " Yeah, I told you." "We gotta go with a different plan." "You game ?" "Sure." "Let's get Sam his colored pencils back." "Hey, wait up." "Hold on." "I know your boy Dale has been a great disappointment to you, Earl." "Well, he's disappointedme, too, Earl." "Earl !" " Huh ?" " Hi." "Tea ?" "Now, us dannegans we've been wanting a relationship with you Malloys ever since that didi was young 'un." "I even offered Wayne $50,000 to take Ken on." "But it just don't look like that's gonna happen." "Dale just ain't strong enough to be the boss." "I mean,he isn't." "You know that." "And what I've been noticin' is that a lot of folk around here, well, they respect Ken a whole lot." "So, with your blessing..." "Hey, Ginny-Gin." "Nice of you to visit daddy," " but he is a little tied - get your hands of me" "No one talks to daddy unless I say." "No one." "Get the hell away from me." "I'm done with you." "I wouldn't go talking up that dumb-ass brother of yours." "Something bad might happen to him and you." "Real bad." "And no one will give a shit." "Don't mess with me." "I know things." "How do people go about their day in shoes like these ?" "I got things to do." "I can't do shit in these shoes." "Take my purse." "Take it." "I like the shoes." " You can keep 'em." " Really ?" "Hold on, hold on, hold on." "You know, I wasn't even parked there that long." "Oh, so you think it was towed, huh ?" "Yeah." "Yeah, towed." "I guess that's probably why I'm here." "You know, I had this... this scale model of ancient rome in my trunk, and if I... if I don't find it, I am really so dead." "It's really my last chance to get a "C. "" "I made these little emperor sand gladiators and vestal virgins and stuff." "I mean, I really worked my ass off." "What kind of car was it again, Hon ?" "Um a brown Corolla." "Do you thinky' all could help ?" " Sure." "Let's go look for it." " Thank you so much." "Oh." "Oh,my god." "That's it." "That's my car right there." "That one." "Oh,I'm pretty sure that's not it, Hon. That's a Malibu." "Oh, wow." "They look extremely similar." " Well, that's a Malibu." " Okay." "All right." "Well, maybe we'll just keep looking then ?" " Well, yeah." " Okay." "Hey !" "Hey, what the hell ?" "Hey, stop !" "Stop, you !" " What do you wanna do ?" " Do it, mom." " You got it." " Stop !" "Stop right there !" "That girl." "Mom, why did we park here ?" " It's a free country, ain't it ?" " You heard her." "We're not supposed to." "Oh, ask me if I care." "You know," "Roy Lidge could not find a single good word to say about you, Doug." "Well, Roy Lidge could not find a single good word to say about Gandhi." "Actually he went completely nuts when he heard you were coming in." "Ah, well, that's Roy." "What a nut." "I understand Lidge is an animal." "Yeah, he is." "Every day, we'd rattle his cage, toss him a steak." "Why are you interested in Hayden, Javitz, Doug ?" "Well, I know you're a bunch of tough sons of bitches who don't stop until you bring an opponent to their knees." "But I also know you won the client choice award, which means that... this means, no matter how hard you screw 'em, they still love you in the morning." "And I want in on that." "A lot of lawyers do, Doug." "What makes you right for us ?" "Napoleon used to say," "I know he's a brilliant general, but is he lucky ?" "He used to say it in French." "But I'm the lucky guy." "Je suis lucky." "I'm like a race horse." "That's better." "Like, uh, sea biscuit, the sea biscuit of the non-sea biscuit world, you know ?" "I just work very hard." "At Kerriman, Fox, I billed more hours in a month than most guys doin a year,in 10 years." "Well, a year is more realistic." "I just work like an idiot." "I just don't have any life outside the firm, that's all." "I'm like an animal, like a nocturnal animal, like an owl." "Or like one of those, you know, thing." "I'm like tiger, a saber-tooth tiger at night, you know ?" "A big night time tiger, that's me." "You know ?" "Bob," "I didn't come to Louisiana for the etouffee." "I sure as hell hope you didn't come here for these bubbas." "How you doing, Doug ?" "Good to see you." "Bob." "Hey, Tommy, how you hittin' 'em ?" "Better, Hugh." " You know panetta ?" " No." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "Well, just enough to kick his ass on the golf course." "Good." "Panetta is a scum bag, biggest thief in the real estate biz." "Can't tell you how many law suits we filed against that prick." "Yeah ?" "How many you won ?" "See, the thing about guys like panetta is he's got weaknesses, which can be found if you know what you're looking for." "You've got to beat him at his own game." "I already have." "Hi, Didi." "Is your Momma home ?" "'Cause I'd like... hey, mom." "Well, hi, Ms. Hartley." "Who the hell do you think you are ?" "Excuse me ?" "I told you not to park that shit-heap on my land." "Well, I didn't." "Well, these two tires are nine in Cheson my property." "Oh, honey, you wouldn't know nine inches if it jumped in your bedand smacked you up side the head." "Oh, don't you talk trash to me." "I will have that thing towed to the junky ard this time." "You touch my rv, I will kill you." "Really ?" "Well, maybe I should call the police right now." " you can call god damn Jesus Christ !" " Oh, don't you take the Lord's name in vain !" "Don't you mess with me, you stuck-up little bitch." "It will not end pretty... oh !" "You only got one arm." "You're crazy." "You just made a big mistake, Charlene." "Thank you." "You just beat upa one-armed woman." "Well, how was I supposed to know ?" "I ain't never..." "I ain't never seen anything like that before." ""The issuer of any security up on which a restriction" ""or transfer has been imposed pursuant to section 260. 102. 34" ""shall cause a copy of this section to be delivered to each issuee. "" "Have you any idea what that shit means ?" " No, sir, I'm sorry." "I have no idea." " Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, just call me, Wayne, or call me Doug." "Wayne is my middle name." " Okay, Doug." " Yeah." "Who am I kiddin' ?" "Oh, no, this won't do." "Man should never drink alone." "What happened to your friends ?" "Well, you know, hugh, places to go, people to sue." "Oh, I could've used you out there on that course today, Doug." "Got my ass kicked." "Happens to the best of us, Hugh." "You're not payin'for this shit, are you ?" "I haven't yet." "Put it on my tab, Bobby." "Come on." "Let me buy you a real drink." "Come on." "Hugh's tab." "Mom's crazy." "Yeah." "I guess we're stayin' here, huh ?" "I guess so." "Pool's cool." "Yeah." "I guess we're gonna be sleepin' in the house now." "We never had a pool before." "Limbaugh, you freakin' drug addict !" "Ah !" "I tried everything." "Vitamins." "I tried lipitor." "I tried aroma therapy." "I tried jumping' off a cliff." "I tried strapping'electric wires to my 'nads." "Nothin' worked." "My numbers were just..." "blood pressure numbers, shit." "Flyin' off the charts." "The only thing that works is right here." "Isn't that Jim, my neighbor ?" "Sure is." "Neighbors, friends, employees, people I know." "Shit, some of 'emare even people I like." "See this ?" "This is modeled on Hermann goering's summer place." "Yeah, I noticed you had the same patio furniture." "Yeah." "You should see the bunker." "Hey, Doug, here, wanna try the next one ?" "Sure." "Not bad." "Nice grouping'." "You're a shooter, aren't you, Doug ?" "I've shot a few in my time, Hugh." "A few what ?" "A few trespassers, hostile witnesses." "So what were you doin' with those Hayden, Javitz Pricks ?" "Just listening to what they have to say, Hugh." "Miss Schleewee, fourth grade." "I loved her." "If you ask me, I wouldn't work at any one of those joints." "Too many assholes observing' you, watchin' you." "Can't even take a dump without everyone knowing about it." "They've all tried to get a piece of meat one point or another." "I shoved those law suits right back up their asses." "Can't touch this." "They're amateurs." "Ever done in-house ?" "In-house." " As in "in-house counsel" ?" " It's a lot more interesting." "Lot less bull shit." "No." "I think I've decided to retire, Hugh." "Get an rv and travel the country." "Since when ?" "Since now." "It feels good, don't it ?" "Who is that, Dershowitz ?" "Come here, you little scum." "How does it stay there ?" "It's 'cause your nose is bigger, you weirdo." "Yeah ?" "Oh, you're just in time." "You cooked." "I did." "Right here ?" "Maybe we should say grace." "Okay." "Bless us, o lord, and these, thy gifts, for which we are about to receive through Christ our lord, amen." "Amen." "So, dad, how'd it go ?" "Well, the good newsis I got the job." "You did ?" "Well, what's the bad news ?" "The bad news is I got the job," " and I don't know shit about the law." " Dad, there are so many book son law upstairs." "I can help you brush up if you need help." "That's very sweet, baby, but I... you gotta know something before you can brush it up." "You talked your way through the Nashville thing, dad." "You're fine." "That was a Mis Demeanor." "I can't con my way into a court of law." "A court of law isa court of Goddamn law." "Who am I kidding ?" "I..." "I..." "I don't even know what a securities litigator is." "So what are you gonna do ?" "Don't know." "I'll think of something." "Yeah, you always do." "Least we got the money." "For now, we can use thatto pay the bills." "Oh, god damn it !" "This is useless, Wayne." "We are never gonna find it !" "Tell me once again, which tree did you think it was ?" "I don't know." "I wasn't thinking straight." "Yeah, you know what, Ma ?" "I wonder why." " Would you shut your mouth ?" " Why don't you shut your mouth ?" "Damn it !" "This is 40 grand !" "We can't go back home now, Ma !" "That is not home !" "This is the only home we got now." "We could paint drive ways again." "We don't have to live in some big-ass house like that,dad." "What are we doin' here, Wayne ?" "We don't have any money." "You ain't never gonna be a lawyer." "We're travelers, baby." "We're thieves." " We gotta stick with our own kind." " We are with our own kind." "That's why we're gonna stay right here... together, us." "I'm gonna get usail the life we deserve, whether we want it or not." "where are you going ?" "To war." "Doug." "Hugh." "It's almost midnight, Doug." "Are you the ghost of Christmas past ?" "Yes, I am." "Nice gun." "Thank you." "Why are you in my house, Doug ?" "Why are you here ?" "Why am I talking to you ?" "We're discussing my package, Hugh." "Your what ?" "My compensation package for my services." "As what, my pool boy ?" "As your in-house counsel." "I didn't offer you a job." "I think you did." "Is that right ?" "I'm worth 150 million on paper, Doug." "I run panco," "I run techcurrents, I run a lot of things." "Not bad for a guy who used to cleanseptic tanks, huh ?" "So, you want a shotto be my in-house counsel." "You gotta be the best 'cause I wipe my ass with those Hayden, Javitz Pricks, you understand ?" "So are you the best, Doug, or you just... middlin' ?" "What do you think ?" "I tell you what I think." "I think you'rean asshole, Hugh." "You really are." "And your numbers, they're not that high." "Your blood pressure, it's normal." "I think you simply like to shoot your friend sand neighbors in the face." "Put down my gun." "Now, I know this because I used my powers of deduction." "I assess and deduce." "That's what a good lawyer does, Hugh." "He assesses and deduces." "A good lawyer makes you believe the truth." "Holy shit." "And, Hugh, you know what a great lawyer does ?" "Doug... whoa." "A great lawyer makes you believe the lie." "Oh, shit." " You crazy bastard." " Thank you." "You're a sick mother, Doug." "Yes." "Yes, I am." "And I like that in a liar." "Baby, don't splash mommy." "Baby, you really gonna get paid $200,000 a year ?" "$200,000." "With benefits !" " What ?" " I gotta pee." " Oh,my god." " I gotta pee." "You can't pee in the pool, dad." "We're buffers now." "If we don't swim in the toilet, y'all can't piss in the pool." "I am a shark." "I got $200,000." "Don't pee in the pool !" "Doug, I know you're there." "Say something." "Don't you hang up on me, Doug." "Doug ?" "Doug."