"Egbert Souse?" "Why, isn't that an odd name?" "It isn't pronounced "souse"." "Accent grave over the E. Egbert Sous-ay." "Oh, I see." "What's he up to now?" "What is he up to?" "Your guess is as good as mine, Ma." "I never know what to expect." "I bet you anything he's smoking up in his room again." "This time, Agatha, you've got to just tell him to stop." " His smoking' gave me asthma." " Oh, Ma." " If you don't, I'm going on the county." " Ma!" "Imagine a man trying to take care of his family by going to theatre bank nights, working puzzle contests and suggesting slogans." "Telephone's ringing." "It's the Lacavas wanting' their lawn mower back." "We're not finished with it yet." " Hello, daughter." " Hello." " Hello, Myrtle." " Hello." "Hello." "Agatha, this time you've got to tell him." "I just can't stand it." "It's just a lingering death." "If you don't, I will go on the county!" "What's eating you?" "My Sunday school teacher, Mr Stackhouse, told me that he saw my father coming out of a saloon the other day." "And that Dad was smoking a pipe!" "Oh, I'll kill myself!" "What's the matter with her?" "I'll starve myself to death." "It's the easiest way out." "It's not so difficult to do." "I tried it yesterday afternoon." "Oh, that must be Og." "Will you excuse me?" " Nice potatoes." " Thank you." "Why don't we get any more crumpets?" "Smoking and drinking and reading those infernal detective stories!" "House just smells of liquor and smoke." "There he goes again, down to the saloon to read that silly detective magazine." "Mother's right." "You've been smoking again in your room." "Imagine a man who takes money out of a child's piggy bank, puts in IOUs." "Don't you dare strike that child!" "You put that down!" "Put it down!" "Uh..." "Og, I'd like you to meet my father." "Father, this is Og Oggilby." "Og Oggilby." "Sounds like a bubble in a bathtub." " I'm glad to have met ya." " Mighty glad to have met you." "Your father seems awfully nice." "Yes..." "We think so." "What seems to be the trouble?" "Are you carrying the proper amount of air in the tyres?" "Had the brakes tested lately?" "Course, it may be the wheelbase." " The tools." " Why don't you mind your own business?" "Listen to the gentleman attentively, James." " Be polite!" " Thank you, madam." "Gimme a shifting spanner." "I'll fix it." " A what?" " Monkey wrench." "Give the gentleman what he asks for, James." "Ow!" "Here's all you gotta do." "Just open up this nut here." "Uh-oh." "Yeah, I was down Cape Cod most of... that year." "Say, you'll have to either Vaseline this place in here or move the post over." "I have half interest in a cod liver oil mine down in Cape Cod." "Snowed all winter." "We did a lot of boondoggling." " Did you ever boondoggle, Joe?" " No, I can't say that I have." "These cloves are pretty dry." "You oughta sprinkle 'em with alcohol." "How do you do?" "Meet you up the Elks club several weeks ago?" " No." " Never did, eh?" " Ever do any boondoggling?" " No." " Gimme a beer." " Never have, eh?" "Mine's a poultice." "Never done boondoggling." "Must've been another fella, I guess." "Take off your hat in the presence of a gentleman." "Well..." "Here she goes, down the hatch." "But I tell you, he's drunk, QQ." "Said he had trouble with his wife." "Yes." "We have tried, but he isn't sober." "The best I can." "But you don't understand, QQ!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "The best I can!" " Uh, give me a..." " Good morning." "What can you give me for shattered nerves?" "I got the jitters." "If the gentleman has butterflies in his stomach, I suggest a dash of Rover." "Rover?" "Dog." "Absinthe." "It's very good for the nerves." " That's fine." " Thank you." "That's just what I needed." "My name's Mackley Q Greene." "A man more beset by trouble you'll never see." "Again." "I'm here in Lompoc on a movie location." "My director started on a bender last night." "We got a 36-hour schedule and a stinko script." "It's a one-reeler, and it opens in this very town the day after tomorrow." "You're yelling right down my alley." "In the old Sennett days, I used to direct Fatty Arbuckle," "Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton and the rest of 'em." "I can't get the celluloid outta my blood." "Nights, I used to tend bar." "Would you entertain a proposition to direct this picture?" "Take a gambler's chance on a percentage?" "Um..." "Yes, just a moment." "Uh..." "Was I in here last night, and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill?" " Yeah." " Oh, boy!" "What a load that is off my mind." "I thought I'd lost it." "Here." "Keep the change." "I've got a script I've had in mothballs for 20 years." "I read it to Irving and Milton who run the Gem Cinema down here." "They said to me, "Sousé, it's better than Gone With The Wind."" "My car's outside." "Let's get down on the set." "I'll bring the glasses back later." "Take a note, please." "Oh, Mr Clam, it's good for you." "Still can't do a thing with him." "He's tight as a snare drum." "We won't bother with him." "Mr Sousé will take over." " Oh, fine." "Glad to meet you Mr Sousé," " Glad to know you." "Must've been a gnat." "Here comes Francois and Miss Plupp." "Oh, yeah." "Hi." "This is Miss Plupp, I take it?" " And you are Francois?" " Mr Sousé." "He's taking over direction." "Did you sleep well last night?" "Oh, I..." " Maybe un peu?" " Comme ci, comme ça." "I don't know whether this part is suited to my personality or not." "Don't give it a thought." "I've changed everything." "Instead of it being an English drawing-room drama," "I've made it a circus picture." "Don't sit there." "Take down everything he says." " Good morning, Mr Greene." " Yah!" "It's Saturday afternoon." "You make touchdown after touchdown." "You kick goals, you make passes." "You make the longest run with the ball that was ever made on the field." "In these clothes?" "Um..." "You could change your hat." "All right, Mr Clam, everything's gonna be all right." "Just take it easy." "He sees you in the fifty-dollar seats." "He immediately falls in love with you." "He can't take his eyes off you." " How can he play base..." " Foot." "...ball and watch me in the grandstand?" " Wait a minute." "It's part of the plot." "Attaboy!" " I can't stand up." " That's swell." "Now you're doin' good." "We'll play the scene very digni... fied." "Service, please." "Come on, boys, come on." " It's him." " For the love of Pete!" "Attention." "We'll just walk through this thing." "Take it from where, Miss Plupp, you come out of the grandstand." " He makes me sick." " Shall I bounce a rock off his head?" "Respect your father." " What kind of a rock?" " Oh, shut up." "You're both madly in love with each other." "Embrace." " Is she standing in a hole?" " No, sir." "Go ahead, read your lines." " When does this thing stop?" " You're doing all right." "Got any cigars, kid?" "You know the brand." "We're making motion-picture history here." "I want quiet!" "Quiet from everybody!" "Aaaagh!" "Pa's drunk again." "Cut that out." "Take your dirty hands off me and get back to your places." "Here." "Give this that number-seven expression." " "Those eyes!" "Those ears!"" " I wanna be in the picture." "I'll put you in later on, dear." "Uh... give it..." "What's the matter, Pop?" "Don't you love me?" "Don't you dare strike that child." "She ain't gonna tell me I don't love her." " "Those eyes"..." " Those eyes, those ears..." "That nose..." "Godfrey Daniel!" "Mother of pearl!" "The child's only playing with you, you fool." "I don't understand her funning." "Let's, uh..." "And now to continue." ""Those eyes..."" "And..." "Thanks." "Oh." "Uh... study that script." "Say, Joe..." "Mr Sousé." "Mr Sousé!" "How do you like that?" "Mr Greene, you haven't another thing to worry about." "I am perfectly OK." "You look it." " Getting quite late." " It is, isn't it?" " See you're still at it." " Serves you right." " Be courteous, James." " Yes, ma'am." "We'll leave the motor running." "Come on." "Pass over all that dough, and do it quietly." "Parking in front of a no parking sign with the engine running!" "Two-buck fine'll do him good." "Let's take it to headquarters." "Don't forget to keep your foot off that alarm." "Somebody must've nailed the car." "Let's take it on the lam." "Help!" "Help!" "Police, help!" " Police!" "Help!" "Robbery!" "Help!" " Help!" "Police!" " Split that money." " Keep goin'." "Supposing we get split up?" "How much money you got?" "Start counting." " Don't you trust me?" " I don't even trust my mother." " Give me my end." " Turn loose of me." "Bank robbers, two of 'em." "Went down this alley." ""Out to tea." "Joe."" "Be drinking' sarsaparilla next." " Gimme half of that dough." " I will not." "Must be another hold-up somewhere near." "There they are!" " Grab him while I put these on." " That's not one." "That's Mr Sousé." "Yeah, Sousé." "Accent grave over the E." "Fine job apprehending this desperado and retrieving the funds." " What?" " You saved the $50,000." " That's the most important part." " 50,000 ain't hay." " Other fella got away on you, huh?" " What happened?" "Uh, yes!" "Yes!" "He got away." "Pulled a knife on me, that long." "An assegai." " Lucky you had that revolver." " Take this." "We detectives gotta do those things." "Never know when you're gonna catch bank robbers." "I know Mr Skinner would like to thank you personally." " Why don't you drop into the bank?" " Oh, I will." " Which way'd the other fella go?" " The other fella?" "He went away." "Look out!" "Look out!" "I oughta give him a punch on the nose." "See those handcuffs are on tight, will ya?" "You'd better come and identify this fella." "I'll break every bone in his hand." " Myrtle should be proud of you." " I guess she is." "No wonder, after a thing like that." "Elsie Mae Adele Brunch Sousé's father just caught a burglar." "And he tried to cut his throat with a knife about this long!" " Yeah." " And he had a gun about this big!" " You don't say?" " Did you kill him with one bullet?" "Mm-hmm." " Ooh, jiminy, you're pretty good." " Jiminy!" "One or two bullets, I don't know, I was so busy shooting him." " Hey, go on, do another." " Oh, boy!" " Will you teach me?" " That's swell!" "I'll teach you when you grow up." "I never smoked a cigarette till I was nine." "Sign my autograph book, Mr Souse?" "Sousé, son, accent grave over the E." "Sousé, it has the accent grave." "I saw you through the window." "A knife four feet long, eh?" "I'll say that the sword that Lee surrendered to Grant was a potato peeler by comparison." " Come and have a poultice on the house." " I don't mind if I do." " Mr Sousé?" " Yes?" "Here's the interview you gave me." "I'd like you to look it over." "Oh, thanks." "I'll peruse it instanter." "Oh, yes!" ""Skinner's National Bank robbed."" ""Edward Sousé makes daring, heroic..." " Hey, you!" " "...of Loudmouth McNasty, alias The Wildcat."" ""Drawing his revolver, which he carries for such emergencies, he struck Mc..." "Nasty..."" "You see, putting things like that on motor cars is what kills people." "Get outta there!" ""...for such emergencies..."" "The Lompoc Picayune Intelligencer just got out a special edition, telling how I apprehended them two crooks." "Can't you see we're playing an interesting game?" "There was an article in there, telling how I apprehended a couple of crooks who stole two million dollars from Skinner's Lompoc Bank." "You would." "Skinner's Lompoc Bank!" "Them's the Shylocks that's got the mortgage on this house, haunting you from morning till night, the old pinchpennies!" "Why don't you move?" "I'm sorry they didn't get away." "Leave it to him, he would do a thing like that." "I think I'll go up to my room for a moment." "They want me to come down to the bank to get a reward or a job or something." "I'll go down in the morning." " Don't you smoke up in your room." " Oh!" "No, I won't, dear." "What am I doing?" " Hello, Og!" " Hello, honey." "That was a great stunt your father pulled." "Two crooks stole $25,000." "I never knew your father had so much fortitude." " Are you kiddin'?" " No." "Oh, come on, let's talk about us, dear." " He took his pistol and hit one fella." " He hasn't got a pistol." "The paper said your father took an assegai from one of the fellas." " A what's-a-gai?" " An assegai." "A sword!" " Where did the papers get the story?" " From your father." "Oh." "Let's talk about us, Og." "Well, I get my bonus pretty soon." "I've already picked out your engagement ring." "Oh..." "Oh, Oggie!" "Oh, golly!" "Mmm!" "Shucks." " I have an appointment with Mr Skinner." " Step to one side, please." "Thank you, Miss Carroll." " I have an appointment with Mr Skinner." " Please, just to one side." "Oh." "There you are." " The president..." " Please, will you step to one side?" "Just a moment." " Nice weather." " Yes, it is." " Yes." "Clever observation." " How've you been, Mr Penny?" " Fine, thank you." " That's good." "Very interesting." "Ah..." "Oh." "How do you do?" " How do you do?" " How are you, sir?" "Oh, well as can be expected after that tussle I put up with those two bandits." " Oh, yes." " I went to see the doctor." "He said as a result of that scrap," "I'll probably have to have a kidney and my gall bladder removed." "He said I also may need an appendectomy." "Young Oggilby told me to come up and see the president." "Oh, yes, Will you step aside, please?" "Just step one side." " Good mornin', sir." " How are you?" "I wanna draw my money outta the bank." " You're not gonna close your account?" " I sure is." " Is there any particular reason?" " Yes, sir." "I'm scared." "Every time I come in here, you've got your hat on." "Look like you're ready to take off." "It keeps me nervous." "I just wear this hat on account of a little hay fever." " Oh, excuse me." " That's all right." "I hadn't any right standing in front of the hole." "Where's his office?" " Mr Skinner's office is over there." " Oh, thanks." " Good morning, Mr Sousé." " Good morning." " Mr Skinner's expecting you." " Is he?" "Oh, thanks, I'll go right in." "We want to show our appreciation of your gallantry and daring." " Thank you." " I wish to give you a hearty handclasp." " Oh, thanks." "Hearty handclasp, yes." "And to present you, with the company's compliments, one of our 1940 calendars, made especially for this bank, entitled "Spring In Lompoc"." "Oh!" "Doesn't look unlike the Mona Lisa." "Won't you be seated?" "I've been in consultation with our director." "We've decided that what has been needed in this bank is a special officer." "Or to revert to the argot of the underworld, a bank dick." "In lieu of your heroism, your valiant, dauntless courage," "I offer you this position." " Oh, thank you." " The remuneration will be small." "We're a growing concern, we're young, but there are chances for advancement." "Who knows?" "Within a short time, you may become my vice president." "My first and only vice!" "Very good." " Uh, what time in the morning?" " The bank opens at ten." "Oh." "Well, that's all right." "If I'm not here on time, just go right ahead without me." "I'll catch up with ya." "We will deduct a certain amount from your salary each week, which will go to pay off the mortgage on your home." "Otherwise it will necessitate foreclosing." "In view of what has transpired, that would cause us heartfelt contrition." "You took the very words right outta my mouth." "I'll see you here Monday, then, and I'll bring my detective disguises with me." "Listen, Og, there's more to this detective business than meets the eye." "It requires cunning and resourcefulness." "And I have both." "I have a thousand disguises at home." "I'll come in with one of those disguises on." "If you recognise me, you go..." " Like this?" " Not up high." "It's too blatant." "Down there." "Just give me a little one like that." "If you don't recognise me, go..." "Well, if you don't recognise me, you won't know what to do." "And you won't recognise me!" "I'll be in later." "You gotta keep in practice for this game." "You never know when you're gonna... have to use your gun." "I really have a reason for a snort this morning." "After that bout I put up with those two crooks, I'm still arm weary." "President of the bank called me in." "He says, "Sousé?"" "I said, "Yes?"" "He says, "I want you down here for our bank dick."" ""We've wanted a bank dick a long while."" "He says, "In your Christmas box, will in all probability be the vice presidency of this bank."" " What'll it be?" " Depth Bomb." "Keep your hat off there." "Very tasty." "I think I'll have another one." "Uh, some fresh water." "And a towel." "Thank you." "Never like to bathe in the same water twice." "Neat little trick, isn't it?" "Pardon me." "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation." " Pardon me, pardon me." " It's quite all right." "Waterbury's my name." "J Frothingham Waterbury." "Very glad to know you." "My name's Sousé." " How do you do?" " Accent grave over the E." "Oh, so?" "I'm in the bond and stock business." "I have 5,000 shares of the Beefsteak Mines in Nevada that I want to turn over to your bank." "I like this town, and I want some contacts." "I think you're the very man." "These shares are selling for ten cents a share and..." " Ten cents, eh?" " That's terrible." "These shares are selling for ten cents a share." " A telephone company sold for five." " Five cents?" "These shares are twice as expensive, therefore they'll be twice as valuable!" " Sure they will." " You're no dunce." "The telephone is now listed at $1.73, and you can't buy it." "$3,460 for every nickel you put into it." "Now, the point I'm trying to make is this." "The point I'm trying to make is, these shares sell for ten cents." "It's simple arithmetic." "If five will get you ten, ten'll get you twenty." " Sure." " Sixteen-cylinder cars." "A big home in the city." "Balconies upstairs and down." "Home in the country." "Big trees." "Private golf course." "Stream running through the estate." "Warm Sunday afternoon fishing under the cool trees, sipping ice-cold beer." "I can almost see the foam." " Ham and cheese on rye." " With mustard." " Yeah." " We have mustard at the house." "And then this guy comes up the shady drive in an armoured car from a bank." "And he dumps a whole basket of coupons, worth hundreds of thousands of dollars right in your lap." "And he says, "Sign here, please, on the dotted line."" "I'll have a fountain pen by that time." "Then he's off, to the chirping of our feathered friends in the arboreal dell." " That's what these bonds mean." " They do, eh?" "I'd rather part with my grandmother's paisley shawl or her wedding ring than with these bonds." "Yeah, it must be tough to lose a paisley shawl." "Thank you." "That's fine." "Gosh!" "Oh, pardon my language." " I swear sometimes myself." " I feel like a dog." "But it's now or never." "It must be done, so take it or leave it." " I'll take it." " Fine, fine, fine!" " Meet me down the bank in an hour." " Certainly!" " My card." " Oh, thanks." "I got you set for life." "I don't hang round that Black Pussy Café for nothing." "I met a fella in trouble." "Something the matter with his grandmother's shawl." "He has 5,000 shares in the Beefsteak Mine, and you can buy them for a handful of hay." "Hay?" "And they're worth?" "Ten cents a share." "Telephone sold for five cents a share." "How would you like something better for ten cents a share?" "If five gets you ten, ten'll get you twenty." "Beautiful home in the country." "Upstairs and down." "Beer flowing through the estate over your grandmother's paisley shawl." " Beer?" " Beer!" "Fishing in the stream that runs under the arboreal dell." "A man comes up from the bar, dumps $3,500 in your lap for every nickel invested." "Says to you, "Sign here on the dotted line."" "And then disappears in the waving fields of alfalfa." "Gosh." "Do you think he was tellin' the truth?" "You don't think a man would resort to tarradiddle, do you?" "Why, he sobbed like a child at the very thought of disposing of these shares." " How does a bank make money?" " By investing." "That's the point." "Now, you don't wanna work all your life." "Take a chance!" "Take it while you're young." "My uncle, a balloon ascensionist," "Effingham Hoffnagle, took a chance." "He was three miles and a half up in the air." "He jumped out of the basket of the balloon, and took a chance of lighting on a load of hay." "Golly!" "Did he make it?" "Uh..." " No." " Oh." "He didn't." "Had he been a younger man, he probably would've made it." "That's the point." "Don't wait too long in life." "I've never done anything like this." "And another thing, I haven't got the money." "Course, my bonus comes due in four days." "That's $500." "I could buy 'em then and I really might be worthy of your daughter's hand." "Women really appreciate the fine things in life." "You don't wanna die and leave your wife and children paupers, do you?" " No." " Borrow the $500 from the bank." "You intend to pay it back when your bonus comes due, don't you?" " Oh, sure." " Surely!" "Don't be a luddy-duddy." "Don't be a mooncalf." "Don't be a jabbernowl." " You're not those, are you?" " No." "I guess there's no way you could confuse it with stealing." "Ha." "Nothing could be more absurd." "Well, all right, send him in." "He won't be here till eleven o'clock." " Got him!" " Oh, what do you mean?" "Back!" "Back!" " The idea!" " Is that gun loaded?" "Certainly not." "But I think you are." "Mummy, doesn't that man have a funny nose?" "You mustn't make fun of the gentleman." "You'd like to have a nose like that full of nickels, wouldn't you?" "I'll throw him in the wastepaper basket the next time he comes in." "How do you do?" "I'm the officer." "Can I help you in any way?" "I'd like to see Mr Skinner, please." "Oh, yes, he'll be very glad to see you, I'm sure." "Very glad." "J Pinkerton Snoopington, bank examiner, is that right?" " Yes." " He'll be very glad to see you." "But, um... he's gone out to the golf course on business." "He won't be back till midnight." "If he does return, where can I call you?" "The New Old Lompoc House, on the avenue." "Oh, New Old Lompoc House!" "Frank Cridellhoffer, the management." "I know him well." "If you need anything during the night, just mention my name." " Yes, yes, I will." " That's fine, yes." "Got some bad news for you." "Can you take it now or shall I hold off a little?" "That was the bank examiner, wasn't it?" " You guessed it the first time." " Oh, I knew this would happen!" "I was a perfect idiot to listen to you." "You listen to me, Og." "There's nothing in this world that is perfect." "It'll be four days before I get my bonus and can replace that money." "Oh, was I a dope!" "I've sacrificed everything." "My job, my marriage to your daughter." "Keep my daughter's name out of this." "Don't you ever tell me again I'm not a jabbernowl and a mooncalf!" "Please get out of the office, Mr Sousé." "This is terrible." "I reiterate, Oggilthorpe." "Leave everything to me." "Don't worry about a thing." "Hello, hello!" "Give me the New Old Lompoc House." "Yeah, the New Old." "Is Charlie on the desk?" "What's a six-letter word meaning "embezzlement"?" "Prison." "I'll bet that's Og." "He's got her betting now." "She never gambled before she met him." " Hello, Og." " Hello, dear." " Still on your crossword puzzle?" " Uh-huh." "I'll tell you one on Grandma." "I asked 'em a six-letter word meaning "embezzlement", and she said "prison"!" "Isn't that a hot one?" "Huh?" " She's right." " What's the matter with you?" "I've got something to confess." " Our engagement is off." " Og!" "What are you saying?" "It's only off for a while... if you're willing to wait until I get out of prison." "Og, don't scare me." "Oh, stop fooling." " What do you mean?" " I don't know." "I can't think straight." "Your father brought a man to the bank who sold me his grandmother's shawl with a beer river running through it." " I don't know what it was." " Are you sick?" "Let me feel your head." "Oh, you've got a fever!" "Your father got me to take $500 from the bank fund and invest it in..." " Og!" " Shh!" "Not so loud." "I don't want your mother to hear this." "He got me to invest it in telephone and telegraph, an electric light company." "No, it wasn't a telephone or telegraph." "It was a beefsteak mine." "A beefsteak mine?" "Og, have you been drinking?" "I'm going to tell Mother that Father got you to drink and steal from the bank." " No, listen." " I'm going to tell my mother my father got you to steal money and invest it in a beefsteak mine." "Oh, now, Myrtle!" "It was mighty nice of you to call me, Mr Sousé." "Not at all." "I knew you were a stranger in town." "I wanted to make your stay happy." "I work for the Chamber of Commerce when I'm not on my regular..." "Would you like to weigh yourself?" "I know the manager here." "He'll let you weigh yourself for nothing." "This Lompoc is noted for its beautiful girls." " I imagine you've noticed them." " I have." "I'm a married man with a grown daughter, 18 years of age." "Oh, I'd like to meet her." "I'm very fond of children." "Girl children, around 18, 20." "I have a young daughter of marriageable age." "Also a small daughter." "Nice wife, and a mother-in-law that loves me like her own son." " Like to give the town a double-O?" " A constitutional couldn't hurt." "No." "Ha!" "The Black Pussy Café and Snack Bar!" "Hello, Patsy." "How are you?" "Would you like a little spot?" "No, I never drink during business hours, thank you." "Just a little spot and we'll find out how Gumlegs came out at Del Mar today." "This, uh..." "this place isn't crowded, is it?" "No, if it wasn't for me, the place'd starve to death." " I'll dawdle for about ten minutes." " OK, we'll dawdle together." "Oh, after you." "Thank you." "It's a nice little place here." "Psst!" "Could we find a secluded spot where we won't be observed?" "Oh, surely." "Sit right down there, nobody'll see you." "Just a couple of local beer guzzlers." "Could we pull the shade?" "You can pull anything you want." "It's a regular joint." "I know Joe very well." " What's your pleasure?" " Rye highball." " Rye highball." " Make it light." "Light rye." " Hi, Mr Sousé, what'll it be?" " I want two highballs." "One very light." "You can double up on mine." " Has Michael Finn been in here today?" " No, but he will be." "Mm-hm." "That's good." " How'd Gumlegs come out in the fifth?" " He ran sixth." "Oh, the dog!" " You ever bet on the races?" " No, I never wager." "You never wager." "That's not a bad idea." "It's a good system." "I bet on that Gumlegs once." "He won, but the jockey got off at the three-quarters, and had to carry him across the tape on his back." "He's a beetle." "The jockey was a very insulting fellow." "He referred to my proboscis as an adscititious excrescence." "I had to tweak his nose." "I was compelled..." "That's fine, thank you." "Well... no one's lookin'." "Down the hatch." "Down the h..." "I feel deathly ill." "Well..." "Fill 'em up again, Joe." "No, no, please." "I've never had such a feeling in all my life." " Probably it's something you've eaten." " I haven't eaten anything." "There you are!" "You haven't eaten!" "I'll get you some nice chili con carne." " Let's get out of here." " Or it may be the altitude." "Come on." "Don't worry about a thing." "You're all right." "It may be the altitude." "This town has an altitude of 500 feet." "Population is 4,500." "Schools, churches, public library." "Three blocks of paved streets." "Two trains a day, not counting the milk train, goes through four in the morning." " We have three drugstores." " Stop." " One actually sells medicine." " Stop, I'm dying." "Could you direct me to a culvert?" "Why don't you wait till you get up to the hotel?" "We pass the Spanish Americo Chili Parlour on the way up." "Maybe you've eaten an oyster in a month that hadn't an "R" in it." "Don't let these people know." "It's a respectable place." "That's all right, that's all right." "Come on, come on." "Equilibrium's the thing." "If your friend is drunk, don't bring him into this hotel." "He's already registered here." "J Pinkerton Snoopington." "Little case of ptomaine poisoning." "Something he ate." "Get him out of sight." "He's in room five." "Room five." "Come on, old boy." "Come on." "This won't last forever." "Come on." "Look out!" "Look out!" "That's it." "Now, you're all right." "You'll be fine, or I'll fix it so you will be in due time." "I shall see that the Lompoc Ladies' Auxiliary will be informed." " I thought this was a family hotel." " Yes, indeed it is." "Mr Snoopington has a touch of ptomaine." "Hmm." "Didn't smell like ptomaine." " Well!" " Drat, drat, drat, drat, drat!" "Come on." "Here you are." " OK, OK." " What are you trying to do?" "Fill this hotel full of delirium tremens?" "We've a reputation!" "It's the same man." "Just fell out the window." "Friend of mine caught him on the first bounce." "Face up." "I'll see that he doesn't bounce again." "Come now, Mr Snoopington." "Let's pull ourselves together now." "Here we go." "Up, up, up." "Oh, yes, he's blotto." " Isn't he?" " Oh!" "When you hear the tone, it will be 22 and one half minutes till seven." "Listen, I'm calling Dr Stall, and as a matter of fact, when I hear the tone, it'll be 22 and one half minutes till six." "Get me Dr Stall." "I'll give you Information, please." "I don't want "Information please" or Professor Quiz or "Calling all cars"." "I want Dr Stall." "Louder, please." ""Louder, please"?" "If I spoke any louder, I wouldn't need a telephone." "Gimme Dr Stall." "Hello." "Just a moment, please." "You've got to cut out all health foods for a while." "That'll be ten dollars." "The nurse will return your clothes with the receipt." "Hello." "This is Sousé speaking, Doc." "How are ya?" "I'm here at the New Old Lompoc House." "There's a bank examiner in town, an old friend of the family's." "He's evidently been on a bender." "He's full of nose paint." "Hello, Snoopy, old boy!" "How do you feel?" "Oh, I feel as though I've been poisoned." "You look the picture of health." "Shame." "Agony." "My poor wife." "Little Dorrit!" "I forgot to telephone them last night." "Why don't you let me get you something to eat?" "How'd you like some breaded veal cutlet with tomato sauce?" "Urgh!" "A chocolate éclair with whipped cream?" "Poor fellow hasn't had anything to eat." "Oh." "I guess that's the doctor." "Hello, Doc." "How are ya?" "How's business?" "Oh, fair." "I don't suppose we'll ever get another whooping cough epidemic." "No, I don't suppose we will." "This is the eminent Dr Stall, diagnostician, our town's leading physician." "What's the name?" "J Pinkerton Snoopington." " Business?" " Bank examiner." "Bank examiner?" "Quite a lucrative occupation." "Do you mind showing me your tongue?" "You must eat more solids, meats and sauces." "You need iron." "Liver and bacon." "You lack vitamins A, B and C." "Skip the rest down to X and Y." "If Z is necessary, we'll give you that later." "What you need most of all is rest." "Rest will do more for you than all the doctors in the world." " No exercise!" " No." "Now, you take two of these in a glass of castor oil for two nights running, then you skip one night." "But you said I wasn't to take any exercise." "You take me too literally." "What I should say is, you take two for two nights consecutively." " And then you..." " Refrain from taking them one night." "Yes." "That's absolutely true, and they're tasteless." "Good with goulash." "With the proper rest, I'll get you out of here in three days." "Yes, sir, I'll get you out in three days." " Three more days and you'll be out." " Fore!" "Careful waving that cane." "You might hit something." "Yeah, I might hit that globe up there." "That'll be just one day before the boys at the bank get their bonus." "Yes, sir, I'll have you out in three days." "Unless, of course, complications set in." "That'll naturally take an extra day." "Yes!" "Now, leave everything to me." "I'll do the worrying." "Be happy and gay!" "I'll have the management send you up a radio." "Come on, Doc." "We'd better be going." "Toodle-oo!" "Gonna have the missus bake you a nice coconut custard pie." "You haven't a thing to worry about." "I've got Snoopington at the New Old Lompoc House." " He's still in bed." " Oh, much obliged." " I gotta put on my work clothes now." " OK, go ahead." "Uh, what do you mean?" "Oh, yeah." "I thought I'd lost it." "How-dee-do, Mr Skinner?" "Mr Sousé, we appreciate the capture and manhandling you gave those criminals." "Oh, nothing at all!" "Nothing, really." "They were a couple of tough fellows." "One of them pulled a knife on me." "Pulled a knife that was really..." "It was..." "It was about that..." "It was about that long." "It was an assegai." "Doesn't anyone ever pull a short knife on you, Mr Sousé?" "A little one, about that long?" "Oh, yes!" "Yes, yes." "Major Moe one time, a little coloured midget, pulled one on me." "It was about that long." "Wasn't really a knife." "It was a razor." "We're grateful to you for retrieving the bank's funds." "Oh, that was all in the line of duty." "We feel we've shown our gratitude by giving you a position as bank's officer." "But when you caution Mrs Muckle's little son about carrying a toy pistol into the bank, that's going too far." "I cannot impress upon you too firmly, the Skinner Bank is a dignified institution." "Yeah, that's the way I always figured it." "Yes." "I guess you figured it the same way, working here the same as I do." "I've been informed that you are a frequenter of a café known as the Black Pussy." "Oh, yes." "Say, that reminds me." "One of the customers gave it to me." "Smoke it at your leisure." "By the way, accept this silver-plated napkin ring with my compliments." "I won it over at the bowling alley last night." " Thanks." " You're welcome." " Why, Mr Snoopington!" " Agh!" "I beg your pardon." "It's an unexpected pleasure to see you." "It's no pleasure for me, Mr Skinner." "I'm a very sick man." "But I'm also a man for duty." "If you don't mind, I'd like to look over your books." "Of course we don't mind." "This bank is always ready for an audit, yes, siree." "Mr Sousé, our special officer, will give you every assistance you wish." "Come in." " Not well, Mr Snoopington?" " No, I'm not feeling very fit." "Well, I'll leave you to Mr Sousé." "And rest assured you are in proper hands." "Thank you." "After you." "Are you, um... are you still suffering from that slight nausea you had?" "I haven't quite gotten over it." "Well, listen, I don't want to be a crapehanger, but in your weakened condition, you're subject to all sorts of maladies." "Now, I want to tell you something very confidentially." "I know positively that our good friend Dr Stall has treated this boy who thumbs the pages of these books for Malta fever, beriberi, and that dreaded of all diseases, Mogo on the Ga-Go-Go." "Mr Sousé, if duty called," "I would go into the tsetse fly country of Africa and brave sleeping sickness, if there were books to be examined." " This way?" " Uh, yeah." "Would you like to examine the books of the Black Pussy Café?" "Thank you." "What you need to get is a description of that place." " Og, what's the matter?" " Exactly what I suspected!" "The old Mogo on the Ga-Go-Go." "Og?" " Whisky!" " Whisky?" "Look out!" "I'll get it!" " Whisky..." " Speak to me!" "What happened to him?" "Help me lift him up." " Just wet his lips with it." " OK." "Here you are." "Uh..." "Oooh!" "Something in the clamp?" "Oh, that's a good question." "Ah, unfortunately, you must've had your hand in there." "That'll interfere with your writing." "It won't." "Fortunately, I'm left-handed." "Oh, that's unfort..." "Oh, yeah." "Get him a glass of water." "Feel better?" "Psst!" "Mr Sousé?" " Did I see that bank examiner here?" " Why, I don't imagine so." "With my introspective eye as a detective," "I would naturally have seen him..." "Ah, just as I thought." "Recurring fever." "I'm sorry to appear overzealous, but these books have got to be examined." " Let me help you, Mr Snoopington." " Oh, thank you." "Here you are, sir." "Oh, I'm sorry, sir." "I can't see a thing without my glasses." " Here you are, sir." " Thank you." " I'll be over here if you need me, sir." " All right." "If I can be of..." "Oh, sorry." "And I try to be so helpful!" "Well..." "Oh." "Tsk, tsk, tsk." "I hope that won't interfere with your auditing the books." "It certainly will not!" "Oh, that's good, that's good." "It couldn't be possible that Mr Sousé is trying to keep me from examining the books?" "There, you see?" "Mr Sousé, I've done Mr Oggilby a great wrong." "And I'm here to rectify that wrong." "I was hoodwinked into believing those bonds were 100 per cent." "I've never been guilty of a dishonest act in my life." "I'll take those bonds off his hands if I have to pay with my own blood." " Transfusion?" " Anything." "There you are." "The man is willing to buy the bonds back with his own blood." "I don't want blood." "I want money." "Let him give me back the $500." "The boy needs money." "He doesn't want blood." "He's got high blood pressure already." " Give him what he paid for the bonds." " I'm the saddest man in the world." "You may be the second saddest, but he's the saddest." "I'm prepared to pay you $350 cash." "I'll pay the rest in weekly instalments of $25 per week." "I'll even give you my aunt's wedding ring as security." "I want to prove to you that I am honest in the worst way." "Worst way?" "Thanks." "I was a fool to listen to Mr Sousé in the first place." "In the second place too." "Paper, mister?" " How'd Gumlegs come out in the fourth?" " I don't know." "Let me see your paper." "A bonanza!" "Beefsteak Mine." "Godfrey Daniel!" "Oh!" "What are you doing?" "Just as I was getting some money back!" "You read this paper." "You're a millionaire!" "Go away, Mr Sousé." "Look at that window." "Read that paper." "Oh!" "I can put the money back without waiting for my bonus." "Mr Snoopington is no longer a nightmare." "I'll kill him." "Calm yourself, Oggilby, my boy." "Calm yourself." " Golly!" "Oh, Mr Sousé!" " Cut it out." "Mr Sousé, I don't need all this money." "I don't deserve it." "You engineered the whole thing." "You're a financial wizard." " I'm gonna split with ya." " Thank you, Og." "Wait." "I'll follow ya." " Anything I can do for you?" " You sure can, brother." "Turn around and start walking towards the cashier's cage." "Ooh!" "That tickles." " You remember me, don't you?" " Ah, you remember the gentleman, Og?" "Gentleman?" "Og?" "Yes, sir." "That's the man that held me up." "Uh, mind your, uh..." "mind your language, Og." "Here." "Hate for you to be the fall guy, but fill that up." " Do what the gentleman tells you to." " Yes, sir." " Don't, oh, don't..." " Shut up." " This is my Beefsteak stock." " Fill that up." " Do what the gentleman tells you, Og." " Oh..." "Thanks." "Do you mind accompanying me to the door?" "Not at..." "Agh!" "How-dee-do, Mrs Chiselbottom?" " Keep your foot off the alarm." " Are you still there?" " Hello, Mr Sousé." "Making more movies?" " Sousé, huh?" " Start driving." " We're goin' for a ride." "Reach for the sky." "Oggilby, you're arousing the whole bank." "You set the alarm off." "What's the matter?" "Like to see some places of interest in town?" "No, keep driving." " There's the Black Pussy Café." " Hey, careful!" "Help!" "We've been robbed!" "Get the police." "There's been a robbery." " Help!" " Police!" " Hold-up!" " He took Mr Sousé." " Right from under my contract." " I called the police." "Follow that grey car." "Come on, come on!" "Hold-up!" "Bank robbers, up that way." " Don't let that car out of your sight." " Hurry." " These are catalpa trees." " Step on that gas." "I'm stepping on it." " Mr Sousé's liable to get hurt." " And me with $10,000 for him." " For Sousé?" "What for?" " For a story he told me." "I sent it in and the boss went nuts about it." "He wants it and Sousé too." "There goes the helmet." "Come back here, you." " There's more catalpa..." "I'm sorry." " Keep stepping on the gas." "You know who's in that car with Sousé?" "Repulsive Rogan." "There's a $5,000 dead-or-alive reward on him." " Stay awake!" " Be careful." "Hey!" "Magic carpet." " Wipe off that windshield, you." " Here." "You wipe it off, I'm driving." "Lake Shosho Bogomo is over the top of this mountain." "Get out and push!" "What do you think this is, a kiddy car?" "Can't push a hulking truck like this." "Start pushing." "Seems to be a great deal of traffic for a country road." " Keep going." " Yeah." " Hiya, toots!" " Look out!" "The resale value of this car is gonna be nil after you get over this trip." "You're goin' too fast!" "Slow down." " Foot brake's gone." " Where's your emergency?" "Here it is, but it won't do you any good in that back seat." "Gimme that wheel." " Here, grab it." " Put it on there!" "We're gonna have an accident if you're not careful." "You're gonna have a real accident in a minute!" " The wheel's comin' off!" " That's what I thought." "Gonna be very dangerous." " I'm gonna jump." " Huh?" "Have to take the boat from here on, anyway." "Looking for someone?" "Stop by the station and see about that $5,000 reward, Mr Sousé." "This sure is your lucky day, Mr Sousé." "Here's a cheque for $10,000 for that story you told us on location, and a contract to bring it to the screen." "Looks like it's all here, including the Beefsteak Mine." "Allow me to give you another hearty handclasp." "Judkins, has Mr Sousé had his Café Rum a la Papa?" "Yes, ma'am." "Thank you, I've had a double noggin." "What time is it, daddykins?" "It's one minute till nine." "I gotta get down to the sal... the, uh, office." "Goodbye, Daddy dear." " Goodbye, dear." " Give me a kiss." " I'll give you two of 'em." " Goodbye, pater noster." " Goodbye, dear." " Take care of yourself." " I shall, dear." " Goodbye, my darling." "Hurry home if you feel like it." "I'll be waiting up as usual." "Oh, thank you, dear." "I'll be home early." "Um..." "That doesn't look bad, does it?" "I think, sir, this is the more appropriate." "Yeah." "That's nice and cool, though." "Thanks." "Thank you." "Goodbye." "Thanks." "Thank you." "What a changed man!" " You deserve a lot of credit, Agatha." " Hasn't been easy." "Uh, say!" "Hey!"