"[Mouse squeaks]" "[Penguins wenk]" "[All cheering]" "[Screeches]" "♪ Adventure Time ♪" "♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪" "♪ We'll go to very distant lands ♪" "♪ With Jake the Dog and Finn the Human ♪" "♪ The fun will never end ♪" "♪ It's Adventure Time ♪ Ripped By mstoll" "If I hear another peep, there's gonna be trouble." "Final warning!" "Okay." "Go ahead, Beemo." "[Mid-tempo music plays]" "Okay, welcome back to the program." "We're talking with my special guest, Finn the Human." "Hello." "[Applause]" "[Applause stops]" "Now, Finn, you were saying something interesting... that you're getting out of the romance biz." "So, what happened?" "Well, I don't want to bore your listeners... [applause] ...but let's just say the time has come to stop dating Princesses and return to saving 'em." "And you're not just saying that to, uh, make yourself seem more attractive?" "Yeah, of course." "No games goin' on here." "[Knock on door] Hold on." "What's that noise?" "I think that someone's knocking at the door." " Can you see who it is?" " Yes, Jake." "So it's going pretty good, huh?" "Yeah, but maybe we should stop talking about this love junk and get back to adventuring." "Finn!" "Jake!" "I need your help!" "It's an emergency!" "Now we're talking!" "Don't cry, Slime Princess." "We're at your service." "I need Finn to marry me." "[Chittering plays]" "I'm sorry, S. P., but I've given up the dating scene." "You don't understand." "If I don't get a husband, I'll lose my kingdom." " I'll do it!" " What did I tell you?" "!" "[Laugh track plays]" "Please let me explain." "Recently, my much hotter younger sister Blargatha, married a slime rogue named Guillermo." "As a result, Elder Plops decreed that if I was not married by tomorrow, rule of the Slime Kingdom would pass to my sister, which I'd be, like, totally fine with, except I recently discovered they are both evil." "Evil to the core!" "They plan to militarize the Kingdom and begin a campaign of aggressive conquest, sacking our neighboring kingdoms, stealing their resources, and eventually taking over the entire world!" "Ew." "Finn, this will happen unless someone marries me." "No." "Psst!" "[Grumbles]" "Please, Finn." "I know I've crushed on you in the past, but I have no intention of locking this down." "Our marriage will be in name only." "Mm..." "Wait!" "I'm coming, too!" "I'm gonna eat popcorn and make hilarious jokes." "Aw." "Who ate all my popcorn?" "[Munching] Call this a room?" "There's not even a window." "Oh, wait." "Are we rolling?" "[Munching] How much farther?" "This popcorn's not gonna last all day." "All right, now it might." "We're here." "Welcome to my little oasis in the wasteland." "JAKE:" "Oasis?" "More like, "No way, sis!"" "[Laughs]" "Huh?" "[Gasps]" "FINN:" "Whoa!" "This is amazing!" "You okay, buddy?" "You could say I got out of there in the "lick" of time." "Zing!" "Quickly." "We're already late." "[Dance music plays]" "SLIME PRINCESS:" "This is the most important place in the Kingdom." "FINN:" "The Royal Palace?" "No, it's where me and all my main splirts hang out." "Hi, girls!" "ALL:" "H-i-i-i-i-i!" "[Humming]" "Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig, what are you doing here?" "Oh, we always come here when we want to shake it, Finn." "It's the only triple-cray-rated disco in all of Ooo." "Get your face pretty, Finn." "My people are already assembled in the courtyard." "[Clears throat] Greetings, loyal slimejects!" "[All cheering]" "I would like to introduce my new husband..." "Finn the Human!" "[All cheering]" "What did I tell you?" "Piece of cake." "WOMAN:" "Attention, my loyal slimejects." "[Gasps] It's Blargatha." "And that's the mysterious Guillermo." "He hails from a faraway, much more somber Slime Kingdom where people have strange customs and no love in their eyes." "Their discos aren't even rated one cray." "My husband would like to say something." "And, uh, he would, too, if not for his extremely sore throat, so I will say it for him." "We challenge you to the Trials of Glarb." "[Crowd gasps]" "I object!" "Ancient traditions such as the Trials of Glarb are no longer relevant in our modern self-indulgent society." "MAN:" "Order!" "Order!" "I demand order!" "I, Elder Plops, being the coolest guy in the room, will settle this dispute." "The matter will be settled on the battleground..." "All right!" "...the battleground of love." " Aw!" "The couple that I deem most truly in love shall rule the Slime Kingdom for life." "[Scepter clanks] Plops out." "[All cheering]" "[Sighs]" "This is, like, the opposite of what you wanted." "ELDER PLOPS:" "Welcome, everyone to the Trials of Glarb, hosted by me, Elder Plops." "The first trial will be crooning." "You guys are gonna get into these sweet boats I made and croon for each other on the lake." "The most loving and heartfelt song, judged by me, Elder Plops, will win." "I really want to hear some emotional song work here." "The people want to hear emotional stuff." "So let's see some stuff, all right?" "Okay, Finn, you can do it." "I don't know." "I'm still jacked up over my lady biz." "Well, just lose yourself in your own mind and go numb." "Then let it all out." "[Groans]" "[Breathes deeply] Okay." "Just let it all out." "♪ When I'm heating up my lunch ♪" "♪ or delivering a dungeon punch ♪" "♪ I can't ♪" "♪ get over you ♪" "♪ Your kiss is burned into my brain ♪" "♪ Simon's hair is clogging up my drain ♪" "♪ I just can't ♪" "♪ get over you ♪" "♪ See your face all over Ooo ♪" "♪ Sticks to me like a coat of glue ♪" "♪ I can't ♪" "♪ get over you ♪" "Why can't I get over you?" "Finn, way to go." "I could tell the people were really impressed." "Guillermo, you're up." "Hmm?" "Okay, Guillermo." "I'll ask, I'll ask..." "Guillermo still has a sore throat!" "May I sing on, uh, his behalf?" "Elder Plops thinks that's okay." "[Clears throat]" "[Off-key] ♪ I want to touch your hand with my hand ♪" "♪ I want to rub your cheek with my cheek ♪" "♪ Maybe later we can get "do not disturb" ♪" "I'm done!" "As Elder Plops, I have heard many songs in my life, and I can only say this..." "Finn, you win this one." " [All cheering] - [Grumbles]" " Whoo!" " Yes!" "[Indistinct conversations]" "Welcome, everyone, to our second trial... spooning." "When I say go, the big spoon will put his arm around the little spoon and cuddle." "I will be watching you spoon, measuring and assessing your love by posture and overall vibe." "The best cuddle, or spoon, wins." " Wait." "What?" " [Laughing]" "Spooners, get in your futons." "Uh, I don't feel good about this." "Ready, set... spoon!" "[Gasps] No, wait." "I don't want to do this!" "Wrap those gorgeous pythons around me!" "No!" "This feels weird!" "Come on, Finn, they're crushing us!" "Wuh!" "Wuh!" "Wuh!" "Blargatha and Guillermo, very nice." "Nooooooooooooooooo!" "Yeesh." "All right, everyone, stop." "I've seen enough." "Blargatha and Guillermo's love was way-off-the-charts good." "They win." " Yes!" "I love you, baby." "You spoon so good!" " [Breathes heavily]" " No!" "The score is tied." "There's one more trial after spooning and crooning... smooching." "I'm sorry it doesn't rhyme with crooning and spooning." "We will begin our next trial on the morrow!" "[Scoffs] This is not going well." "I'm sorry, Slime Princess." "I'm just going to mess this next trial up." "Is it because you haven't done much kissing?" "You don't have to be embarrassed by your innocence." "Pretending to be in love is making me sad." "It makes me think about Flame Princess." "What if I pretend to be your ex?" "That's worse, I think." "Well, it looks like I'm losing my kingdom to the forces of evil." "[Sighs] No, Slime Princess." "Let's practice this smooch." "Mmmmm." "[Groans, gags]" "[Vomits] I'm sorry." "I..." "I can't!" "[Grumbles] Bunk this!" "Wait!" "Where are you going?" "I'm going to punch Guillermo in his stupid face 'til he agrees to leave the kingdom." "I want to come!" "[Grunts]" "Hey, Guillermo!" "Can you come out here for a... quick meeting?" "More like a quick beating." "Hey-o!" "He says eat a fat dollop and buzz off!" "Blargatha!" "Hyup!" "Hmm." "[Gasps]" "BLARGATHA:" "Finn, you shouldn't break in to a woman's room." "Hyah!" "Hyah!" "Everyone okay?" "Yes. "Tank" you." "Hyah!" "Eh?" "Guillermo!" "Hyah!" "[Gasps] Are you dead, man?" "Aw, geez, bro." "Huh?" "These are olives." "Uh-oh." "Blargatha, why would you make a fake husband?" "You're so hot!" "You don't know how hard it is to be this hot." "Women don't want to talk to you because they're intimidated, and guys won't talk to you because they're too scared." "You're alone in the hottest, most sexiest prison." "So I stuck some olives on a glop of gelatin and called him my lover." "Well, I'm sorry, Blargatha, but you're going to have to spend more time in your metaphorical prison in a real prison, 'cause what you're doing is illegal." "Uh, no, it just disqualifies her from challenging me." "Whoops." "[All cheering]" "By the authority of Elder Plops," "I officially declare... you are still the Slime Princess." "ALL:" "Kiss!" "Kiss!" "Kiss!" "Kiss!" "Finn, what do you think?" "I don't want to disappoint all these people." "[Gags, vomits]" "I'm sorry!" "I can't do it!" "[Vomiting]" "[Scepter clanking]" "♪ Come along with me ♪" "♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪" "♪ We can wander through the forest ♪" "♪ And do so as we please ♪" "♪ Come along with me ♪" "♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪" "FINN:" "This party is so crazy!" "Ripped By mstoll"