"_" "_" "_" "You wanna read?" "No." "Hannah's in print!" "Yes!" "There's a typo." "Sloppy." "Mm." "Well, that's not very ladylike." "What an asshole." "Fuck." "Yeah, I just feel like I'm, like, perfect for the aesthetic of "Slag Mag," you know?" "Because it's like my persona's very, like, witty yet narcissistic as you could probably tell from my, like, triumphant Moth monologue and resultant "Modern Love" column." "And the other thing about me is, like," "I give zero fucks about anything, yet I have a strong opinion about everything, even topics I'm not informed on." "And I have to tell you that I read your "Modern Love" piece, and, for me, I was just fixated." "I was like, what, like, the fuck?" "Your best friend, so-called best friend, and then your boyfriend going at it." "Just..." "And you just have to sit there and fucking take it?" "It's so fucking awful." "How do you even recover from that?" "I don't get how people pick themself up and keep going." "It definitely was not easy, and I definitely feel like I'm more of like a dumpling" " than a woman at this point in my life." " Yeah, like a welcome mat or a punching bag." "I mean, it's horrible." "Anyway, I feel so, so, so grateful to be meeting with you." "This is surreal." "And you know what?" "You don't even have to sell me on you, because I already love your writing." "But even if I didn't, I mean, we're basically hiring you for your look." "Amazing." "That's..." " what I've always wanted to hear." " Yeah." "Yeah, your look and your vibe, your shape..." "I mean, just your whole thing, like, all that is you." "You know?" "I mean, this assignment, it's, like, stupid." "It's... it's gonna be rad." " Amazing." " We're gonna basically send you to this super chill but also kind of disgusting" " female surf camp in the Hamptons." " Oh, my God, so I'm like a millennial Gidget, who, by the way, was a Jew, which nobody ever wants to fucking talk about." "Well, she wasn't, and that's not the angle." "What our vision is is kind of we send you out there, sort of bearing witness to these bored, rich ladies who are taking surf culture, co-opting it, just turning it into basically, like, some shitty yoga," " which they've already ruined." " 100%." "And then you look like the opposite of a surfer." "You're just kind of wandering around, and, like, we just throw you in the mix." "It's so weird how life works, 'cause, like, I never swimsuit shop, and I just bought two new bathing suits." "Also, I read Shailene Woodley likes to go to a private area, open her vagina, let the sun in, and that's how she gets her glow." "So, when she goes to, like, "Insurgent" premiere, that's not makeup, that's sun in her pussy." "And good morning to you." "Yeah, sorry." "I just have a million things going on." "That's okay." "I got a bunch of reading-for-pleasure to do, so." "Oh, no, baby." "You gotta go." "Baby, I'm not gonna be in your way." "Do your thang." "No, I just..." "I..." "I can't have you sleeping at my place anymore every night." "I've been talking about this a lot with my online therapist and she's, like, obsessed with the idea that this is just gonna be me getting back into all of my old routines." "I am in the middle of a divorce right now, so this is not about you, this is all about me." "Okay, could I just perception check for a moment?" " Sure thing, baby." " Do you..." "Are you asking me to move out?" "Is that what's happening here?" "Well, technically, no, because I..." "I couldn't ask you to move out if you never moved in." "Right, yeah, but I've been staying here for months." "Yes, and I love that." "I love that." "I love spending time with you." "In fact, I want to spend more time with you, but I just want some of that time to be apart." "Ah." "Okay." "Sure, yeah." "I'll just..." "I'll just crash with Shosh, then." "Baby, you live at Adam's." "Technically, yes, but, baby, that's one of the most repulsive places you've ever seen." "Trust me, it's a boundaryless hinterland of sexuality and emotion." "It's very disturbing, and they're always somehow reheating fish." "Always." "Like, they ordered this huge fish dinner months ago and it just... never ends." "It's bottomless." "It's baffling." "It's haunting." "I still think you should try there first." "Oh, I'll try Shosh's first and see how it feels." "Her manic energy is not welcome here, so I just think the only fail-safe way to not bring that in here is to not... live there." "Well, I won't bring her energy into your place, baby." "I'll just endure her energy while I'm there, while preserving my own energy." "You're only human, baby." "Okay, baby, I'll just crash at Adam's." "I don't know, it just seems so weird to me that, like, they dated, and now Ray's like," ""Oh, no, of course, I'm gonna just gonna go live with Shosh." "It's fine." "We get along so well and our routines are totally NSYNC."" " Like, who does that?" " Well, Elijah and me, for starters." "Yeah, but you guys don't even get along that well." "Plus, he's gay." " I can hear you." " Congratulations." " Now you know that I think you're gay." " You're gay." "Well, maybe Ray should move in with you." "Ew." "No." "That's a very nice thing to say about your boyfriend." "No, no, no." "No, this is not about him." "I love him." "I just can't do that right now." "I'm going through a divorce." "Slow it down." "You know what, Marn?" "That's surprisingly and impressively mature," " and I'm gonna give you some big kudos." " Thank you." "Aren't you glad I didn't let you throw away that halter top collection after you read the "how to clean up like a Japanese person" book?" "Literally so relieved." "You're an amazing friend." "So, because I am such an amazing friend and I am so respectful of your space," "I wanted to ask you, personally, if I could use your room while you're away." "What for?" "Just a teeny, tiny little orgy." " Yeah, absolutely." " Fantastic." "Oh, my God... how many people even come to an orgy?" "Well, I don't want to brag, but Pablo only really invites the elite, usually from the Broadway sphere, so it'll be small, probably like 15." "I think it's gonna be a really good way for me to network." "Why don't you just take an acting class?" "Shut up, Marnie!" "What do I look like, Ryan Dillon Davidson?" "Pff!" " I don't know who that is." " Yes, you do." " We went to Oberlin with him." " Mm-hm." "He was that annoying boy who was always gaining and losing weight for a role, and the role was always chorus." "That's who takes class, Marnie, your dumb friend." "That's who takes fuckin' class!" "I don't think you need to take an acting class, baby." "Thank you." "I'm gonna fuck my way to the middle." "I guess it's just..." "I wouldn't have signed up for the camp if I knew that Tamara wasn't teaching this year." "Like... she is an incredible person." "Tamara's in Santa Cruz on vacation with her family this season." "Is there a way I can contact her?" "I know she'd want to hear from me." "Facebook's a good way to keep in touch." "I reached out to her, like, 12 times on Face..." "Fuck this." "Fuck this!" "Wow, seems like there's a pretty tangled web of history there." "And super lesbionic." "Me, I'm just worried about being able to swim out to my board." "Okay, but you can swim, right?" "Because it's kind of, like, a liability issue if you can't." "I can 100% swim." "I have a fun sense of humor." "Great!" "Okay, well, you can go up to your room, loosen those joints, and we'll see you in the parking lot in about an hour." "Great." "I'm not complaining, but she did get a tote and I just got these papers." " I'll see you soon." " Uh..." "Wear sunscreen!" "You're very pale!" "Fuck!" "Oh, God damn it." "Oh, my God, this is so cute." "Yo, can you put it in park this time?" "Yo, park." "♪ Hey, yo, I'm feelin' like Ray Charles ♪" "♪ I got my shades on, I don't know where they are... ♪" " Yo." " Yo." "Sweet board." "Sick." "Oh, this is just foam." "Cool colors, though." " Here for the surf camp?" " Uh, yeah." "Ah... the girl inside told me to come out to the parking lot, but she seemed pretty, uh, dumb." "Everyone here kind of talks in this slow, unintelligible way that borders on just, like, Matthew McConaughey hell, so I don't really..." "Right, okay, well, I'm one of the instructors, Paul-Louis." "Oh, yeah." "Well, you have a smart voice, so." "But "Paul Louis"... asking people to call you by two names, very bold move." "Oh, no, no." "It's, ah, one name." "Like the French Paul-Louis?" "Got it." "Anyway, you want to suit up?" "We're gonna head down to the surf soon." "I'm in a bathing suit." "Uh, wet suit." "It's behind ya." " These?" " Yeah, one of those." "They're all clean." "Jesus!" " Sorry, um..." " For what?" "For, um..." "I actually texted, saying that I... needed to crash here for a while." "I might come by." "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you did." "I remember." "Yeah, but you didn't..." "you didn't respond." " Mm-mm." " So, I assumed you weren't here" " or something." " Mm-hmm." "I live here, so I just decided to come anyway." " Wow." " Hey, man." "Oh, hey." "Oh." " Well, it's been a minute." " Yep... it has." "Oh, uh, do you need any yogurt?" "Keep the brain in your gut happy." " Thank you." " It's not..." "What?" "You already have a spoon!" "I know, I'm sorry." "I found it after...!" "Okay, okay!" "We have company, we have company." "H-hey." "What's up?" "Wh-what's going on here?" "Where's all my stuff?" "Well, we needed a clearer space for sex reasons, so we thought we'd give you your own area." "So you put my stuff in the corner?" "Oh, God." "So you just jammed all my shit in the corner?" " Mm-hmm." "Mm-hmm." " Yeah, but it's by the best widow." "And it's all organized." "I mean, basically, roughly." "Mmm... in that it's not." "Oh." "Look, I'm gonna have to, um, crash here for a while, so..." "I'm gonna have to lie down where your vagina is." "Yeah." "Right here." "Same as always." "Yeah." "Ew!" "I really don't like this "yuh-gurt."" "Let's see what else there is." "You really don't like this "yo-gurt."" "Yuh-gurt!" "Yuh-gurt!" " Sorry!" "Sorry, sorry." " _" "That was so hard to get on." "I had to lube the whole thing up with motel conditioner" " just to get it over my ass." " Yeah, ah, that's my wetsuit." "Are you sure?" "'Cause it was just hanging over there with the others." "No, except it's pink and it has my name written in super large letters inside." "Oh... okay." "I thought the brand was Ginny." " I am so sorry." " It's okay." "Uh, Teo, why don't you get the rest of the girls down there?" "Ah, all right." "Let's make our own little paradise." "Come on." "Let's go, let's go." "Okay, guys, guys, guys, guys." "I think this is a misunderstanding." "We can get this resolved nice and clean, okay?" "We have more wetsuits on the truck." "Why don't you take that off here, and you guys can both get suited up down at the beach?" "Is that okay?" " Right?" " So, I should take this off here?" " Yeah, go ahead." "That okay?" " Okay." "Whoa." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" "Okay, stop, you're s'pose..." "You're supposed to have a bikini on under that." "Well, fuck me." "I did not get that information." "Right, how's everybody feeling?" "Good?" " Yeah." " You good?" "Looking good." "A lot of you are gonna remember this from last year." "I know you will." "It was a blast, right?" " How's the hip?" "You okay?" " Eh..." "Looking good." "All right, so, position on the board is one of the most important things we want to establish right off the top, okay?" "So, ideally, you want to have your toes on the tail or just off the tail of the board, chest up off the board." " Tits out, ladies!" " Mmm." "And, uh... have the nice, strong back muscles engaged, here." "I mean, you yogis got this down." "You show me up every time." " Mmm." " All right, Laramy." "A'right, we get the point." "You're beautiful." "So, engaging our back muscles, and we're gonna be paddling." "Just like we're swimming." "Nice and relaxed." "Feel the wave coming." "Hands on the rails and we're gonna pop up on three." "Okay, straight up to a standing position." "Try not to come to your knees." "So that's one, two, three... straight up." "Good work!" "Good work!" "Key is to stay low and remember to always look where you're going." "If you look down, you're gonna fall down." "That's what I always say." "Right?" "Just like life." "All right, we're gonna drill that a couple times... okay?" "Laramy?" "What's up?" "Show me what you got, lady." "I know you got this." "Duh-duh-duh-duh!" "Boom!" "Nailed it!" "Every time, you... ah!" "Beautiful." "Real nice." "That's cute." "Every time." "Goddamn star of the sea." "We got to get her into some kind of ocean circus." "Okay, Hannah, give this a go?" "Um..." "You got this." "You wanna slide down a little?" "Okay, you got it." "Chest up." "Chest up." "You got this." "Back muscles engaged." "We start paddling, just like you're swimming." "Nice and easy." "We're just paddling." "In that position." "Yeah, but with the chest up." "So... and paddling with a forward motion." "Paddle, paddle, paddle." "That's good." "Okay, that's enough paddling." "And then hands on the rails." "Okay, now the wave comes, you're gonna push up into a standing position." "One, two, three, up!" "Pop up." "Okay, that's not bad." " Oh, fuck!" " Shit." "You okay?" " Fuck." "No, I'm not okay." " You right?" "No, I'm not okay." "It's my front arm." "Which arm's the fr..." " This front of this arm" " Okay." " is really injured." " Okay, let me have a look." "You look okay." "There's no grazes or anything." "Well, it's an internal injury, so obviously you're not gonna see anything." "Uh-huh." "You know what?" "You'd be surprised." "I've fallen over on concrete." "You'll be okay." "Ah, sand is a very forgiving surface, so..." " Okay." " why don't we get you back up?" "What am I gonna do when I'm out in the water and I only have one arm?" "Um..." "Okay, Teo, why don't we get her up to Nurse Laura..." " Yeah." " Yeah." "see if she can get taken care of?" "You okay?" " 'Twould be my honor." "Yeah, yeah?" " Yeah." "Yeah." " Come on." " ♪ We get it on most every night ♪" "♪ And when that moon ♪" " Ah." " ♪ Is big and bright... ♪" "Ooh, yeah." "That there's tender." "That's the tender stuff." "Fuck." "You actually can't really sprain your front arm, so you should be all good to head back out there." "Okay, but I'm a little worried because I'm, like, super itchy, specifically in my navel, and I think I might have sand lice, which I've heard are highly contagious." "There's no such thing as sand lice." "Okay, I really need you to give me an excuse why I can't surf." "Who's making you surf?" "My job." "You're a professional surfer?" "No, I'm a writer writing about surfing." "Although, what if the piece was about how I went out to the beach, hated it, went back inside, and never came out." "Could that be an interesting angle?" "No." "I don't really need these." "This was all a charade." "I am completely fine." "No shit." "I'm just surprised you're not asking for opiates." "That looks great, Tammy." "Hey." " Careful." " Cool wings." "What are you gonna do after this?" "Just stay in the pool?" "Cool." " Yo, Sebastian." " What's up, Paul-Louis?" "Hannah, right?" " Hi, yeah." " How's the front arm?" "You never made it back out with us." "Oh, it's really bad." "It's like, basically, like... it's not broken," " but it's not not broken, you know?" " Right." "I'm so sorry to hear that." "And with the beach bugs, too." "I think you may be talking about my sand fleas." "And I don't know how you got my private medical information, so." "Um, Nurse Laura and I are pretty tight." "S'up?" "Yes!" "Hey!" "That's my girl." " That's my girl." " Did he not just touch my arm?" "Uh, listen, none of my business, but you'd probably have fun in surf camp if you'd just let yourself." "Everybody else does." "You sound like my mom." "I mean, it's like, maybe I don't want to enjoy things all the time." "Maybe that's not my style." "In fact, this job, that's why I was selected for it... to not enjoy surf camp." "I just didn't know I would... so thoroughly disenjoy surf camp." "Wow." "Well, I can't say I blame you." "Long Island's the wrong island." "Surfing out here is all just kook city... posers, businessmen." "I spend a lot of my year teaching, uh, water skiing up at Poseidon, this resort in the Bahamas." " Oh, wow." " Yeah, much more chill." " So, you like it out at Poseidon?" " Yeah." "Ah... be honest with you, I'd rather be teaching at Atlantis, but that's not an easy gig to get." "Hey, if I ordered some more drinks and charge them to my magazine, would you, um, want one?" "Yeah." "Thanks." "I love drinking." "But... but I'm cool, 'cause I can drink a lot and not be an alcoholic." "Very, very dope." " It's tricky, but..." " But you got there." " Yeah." " Awesome." "Hey, can I ask you a question on, like, deep background?" "Have any of your female surf instructor colleagues had sex with any of their female students?" "Yeah, all the time." "Sometimes we... we all do it together." "Cool." "And it doesn't get awkward with your colleagues when you're trying to, like, kind of keep it profesh, or...?" "I don't think so." "Yo!" "♪ You a bad girl ♪" "♪ Like the way, how I work it, yeah, you get there ♪" "♪ You wanna dance with me, meet me on the dance floor ♪" "♪ Let's be honest, I like the way you hit it ♪" "♪ Let them see that ♪" "♪ I let the crews on you bitches ♪" "♪ Tell them, "Eat that," I'm a bad letter ♪" "♪ You can't compete, with the top back... ♪" "♪ Someone just told me that there's no tomorrow ♪" "♪ And if that is true, I don't know what to do ♪" "♪ Guess then these troubles are out of my hands... ♪" "Yo, watch, y'all." "It's gonna pop off!" " Yeah!" " All right, right, let's twist it!" "Unh, yo." "Yo." "♪ I catch you looking at the gliss on my hands and wrists ♪" "♪ While I'm laying back, smoking on my cannabis ♪" "♪ When it come to rocking the rhythm like Marvin and Luther ♪" "♪ I can tell you when I'm messing with Kan-man and Twist in the Chi ♪" "♪ And I be sipping Hennessy, play some RB while I smoke a B ♪" "♪ You can't fuck with me, put that on a G ♪" " Yeah!" " Yeah, on a G!" "Whoo!" "♪ And when I come over and bend your ass, you be bumping Teddy Pendergrass ♪" "♪ I done hit it from the back to the melody of "Roll It Slow" ♪" "♪ Now I gotta go up in it fast, but I'ma finish last ♪" "♪ No matter how much of a thug you see ♪" "♪ I still do it like it's RB, come to the club with me ♪" "♪ And when some Luther come on, I hope you feeling me ♪" "♪ And still will be in love with me!" "♪" "Oh, my God, you guys!" "I know him!" "He's my surf teacher!" "Yo!" "What's good?" "I'm gonna fuck him!" "Oh, my..." "You're, like, so amazing at rapping." " Thank you." "Takes..." " It must be..." " Takes a lot of practice." "Mm-hmm." " It's hard, right?" "Yeah." "Just gonna..." "Just gonna hit the lights so Teo knows it's not an invitation." "For sure." "Yeah, cool." "Let's keep Teo out of here." "But it's like whatever happens, it's... it's like... it's like hang ten, cowabunga." "Let's, ah..." " take your shirt off and put it..." " Yeah." " in the shirt section." "Bye, shirt." " Yeah." "Fuck yeah." " Put this up." " Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Totally, just totally." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Ah, f..." "You know what?" "My hip actually just kind of got a..." " like popped in a weird way." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Oh." "Okay." " Oh, okay." "Well, let's try this." " Let's... if you turn around..." " Yeah, definitely." "Definitely gonna turn around." " Okay." "Okay." " Okay." " So, I'm gonna go like that?" "Yeah." " Right here?" " I got you." "I got you." "In..." " Is that what...?" "Okay." " Help me, here." " Okay." " Is that okay?" " Uh, yeah." " Is that good?" "Try getting" " I don't..." " your heels around my shoulders." " My body can't necessarily do that." "That's like a..." "I'm not really flexible in that, uh..." " Really?" " way." "I mean, I am flexible, but... this is more like a Cirque du Soleil" " type of thing." "I'm feeling..." " Yeah, those... those gals are wild." "Yeah, maybe that's a little... nope." "It's..." " How about if I bounce?" " I..." "I can't do this." "I'm so sorry." "I cannot, actually." "It's not, like, ideal." "It's like I'm much more" " flexible than I am strong." " It's okay." "And it's like..." "I just feel like my lung's a little bit... collapsing." " Okay." " So, we just..." " Lie down." "Okay." " Okay." "Okay." " You know what?" "Just breathe." " Yeah?" "Okay." "I'm breathing." "I'm breathing." "That's way better." "Thank you." "Yeah, that's just normal." "That's better." "Thank you." " Morning." " Hey, good morning." "Mmm." "You made coffee." "Yeah, I was up early, so it's my pleasure." "You want some avo toast?" "You know it." "Gluten-free." "I'm aware that you're GF, Ray." "Give me a little bit of credit." "I do, girl." "I do." "I know you do." "Have you seen the "Metro" section recently?" " Oh, my God." " Straight-up shit-show." "The minute it goes above 70 degrees, babies are just abandoned" " all over the place." " I know." "Global warming is gonna be messier than we think." "Hello." " Hey." " Hi." " Hey." " Hey." " Do you want some coffee?" " No." "Good." "Definitely have coffee." "I bought it at, like, a real coffee place." "Here you go." "Oh, yeah, well, you know that he doesn't drink coffee from multi-national conglomerates." "Yeah." "I appreciate the thought, though." "Cool." "More for me." "Oh, wow." "The American middle class is disappearing." "Thanks for the hot tip, Paul Krugman." "I know, right?" "You've really got your finger on the pulse" " there, Krugman." " What's happening?" "I know, it's like, if I need a tip about what to talk about at a dinner party in 2005," "I'll call you on your flip phone." "Fuck you, Paul Krugman!" "Thank you for shedding light on the most obvious, self-evident bullshit that every halfwit in the city already knows." "It's like, "Oh, hey, Krugman, maybe you should write an article about, like, women's inequality."" "Like, let's talk about that." "Oh, man." "_" " Oh, shit." " Oh, no." "Oh, no." "Don't feel bad." "Those, uh, red fuckers you were drinking are way stronger than they seem." "They make everybody boot." "It tasted like a slushie when I was having it." "You probably shouldn't drink so many slushies either." "Oh, shit, that's a beast, uh, of a sunburn." "Ow." "That's, like, probably gonna turn into a tan, right?" "Uh, probably not." "Fuck." "Fuck." "You okay?" "Uh, yeah." "I'm..." "I'm fine." "Um..." "I don't remember very much about last night, but I don't feel violated in any way, so..." " um, that's good." " Nice." "I'm just gonna, um, clean that up and go back to my room." "Oh, it's okay." "I don't want you to be all sick by yourself." "You can stay here." "Oh, no, it's okay." "I'm used to it." "It's not a big deal." "Oh, shit." "You know what?" "You've got a lot of pubic hair." "What the fuck did you just say?" "No, I just noticed because I've seen a lot of different bushes around the world, and that's just, like, totally... it's its own style." "Ah, for your information, this is what adult women look like when they're using their pubic hair the way that, like, whatever, the Lord intended, which is to protect their vagina, so thank you for pointing that out." "Yeah, it's dope." "Thank you." "What's the, uh, plan for today?" "Um, probably just gonna, like, go back to my room and write, and then just, like, cry, not in, like, a sad way, just more like in a "Sundays in high school" kind of way." "I don't really like the beach." "I'm more into, like, my apartment and the meatball shops and libraries and..." "Whoa." "I thought you just didn't like surfing." "You don't like the beach?" "No, it sucks." "The best part of the beach isn't the beach." "It's everything else." "Like, what's the cure for everything?" " Uh, penicillin." " It's salt." "Tears, sweat, the sea." "Think about it." "I call it the big, blue medicine pill." "Well, I told you I'm gonna sob, so I guess I'm getting it done." "You know what I'm gonna do?" "I'm gonna tell Teo to handle the other girls, and I'm gonna show you around." "That's a really sweet offer, but you don't have to do that." "And anyway, I'm here on a journalistic mission that I kind of have to, like, pursue on my own to get the energy of Montauk." "So, you can't hang out because you're writing an article about hanging out?" "I mean, if you want to, like, show me some inside track stuff that would, like, make my editor happy..." "A'right." "Cool." "Is there anything creepier than a fish?" "No." " Rude!" " What you gonna do, huh?" " Whoa, whoa, whoa." " It's really..." "It's very hard." "Beach walking's very hard." "Ah!" "Fuck you!" " These kids are always up to no good." " Right." "But Mr. Cooper's there to help." "Exactly." "You okay?" "This really is breathtaking, and that is not a word I have ever used before." "Yeah." "When nature puts on a show, you gotta come watch." "Yeah." "I just can't believe that this is my life." "You know?" "I'm just a dude from Detroit." "All my parents ever did was yell at each other and turn the TV up real loud." "The neighbors were always having kids, kids were always crying." "I didn't know what quiet sounded like till I left." "Even when I was in my room, it was like," ""Paul-Louis, Paul-Louis, get out here."" "I'm from Michigan, too." " East Lansing." " Oh." "It was really quiet where I lived." "My parents used to forget about me for, like, 72 hours while I was reading in my room." "Just, like, not feed me and stuff." "I couldn't wait to leave." "You know, I've seen a bunch of places..." "Panama Canal, Sweden, New Zealand, Thailand, Wales." " Wow, Wales." " Mm-hmm." "So, you just, like, wander full time." "Yeah, pretty much." "Bungee, parasail, hike, kitesurf." "Well, was there something that you wanted to be when you grew up?" "Like, a..." "like a goal that you had?" "Just whatever my dad wasn't." "God, I was so ready to hate this." "Why?" "What's to hate?" "You know, confusing ocean smells, water sports, sand in my vagina." "What's not to hate?" "Yeah, but it's so much easier to love something than to hate it." "Don't you think?" "Love's the easiest thing in the world." "Yeah, but, like, all my friends in New York define themselves by, like, what they hate." "Like, I don't even know what any of my friends like." "I just know what they don't like." "God, that's so crazy." "It's like everyone's so busy chasing success and, like, defining themselves, they can't even experience pleasure." "It's what we're here for." "Think about it." "Hate takes energy." "Love gives vibes." "Yeah, love does give vibes." "Are you a Buddhist?" "I don't think so." "You're a really special person." "So, I think that covers everything we received from our Bloomingdale's registry, which, frankly, wasn't much 'cause people really cheaped out." "'Kay, well, obviously, I'll hold on to all the guitars and the, you know, various accompanying accoutrement." "What the fuck?" "What?" "Those pedals are expensive." "What, do you want a pedal?" "You want the, uh, Professor Mud Rucker?" "Oh, come on, Marnie, you're better than that." "Better than what, Desi?" "Better than wanting what's mine?" "I'm not keeping them for me, Marnie, okay?" "I'm keeping them for Marnie  Desi." "Or are we not a band anymore?" "I don't know." "Tour was a total shit-show." "We didn't make any money." "And anyway, it was your weird hippie-freak girlfriend that refused to sell any merch other than the oil that she blended in a thermos." "Desi, everyone knows the money is in the merch." "I know the money's in the merch!" "And Tandace is not my fucking girlfriend." "She is my therapeutic companion, Marnie." " And you know this." "You know this." " Right." "She's helping me on a spiritual journey, Marnie." "You know that." "She doesn't want anything from me." "She doesn't need anything from me, except maybe my sperm sometime in the next six months," " okay?" "Okay?" "Okay?" " Oh, my God." "That is a good idea." "Beware, my Lord, of jealousy, for it is a green-eyed monster that doth mock the meat it feeds on, okay?" "Fuck!" "Why are we even fighting?" "!" "We should be putting this into the music." "I can't do that right now." "I know that Fleetwood Mac worked through some fucking serious" " interpersonal strain, okay?" " Yeah." "But we are not Fleetwood Mac." "You should want to be Fleetwood Mac." "You should want to be Fleetwood Mac." "You should want that." "I'll see you around, kid." "Okay, Desi, stop." "I do want that." "You know I want that." "I just..." "I don't know if we can right now." "I'm not feeling it." "Fuck, I don't even think I'm that talented." " I think I just decided" " Hey!" " this was something..." " Hey!" "Before everything, before I even saw you as a woman," "I saw you as an artist." "You are a musical force." "You're a musical force." "Thank you." "Thank you for really seeing me." "Fucking divorce is fucking killing me!" "Hey." "Hey." "Ah." "Ah." "I was thinking maybe I should, like, um..." "I don't know, like, stay here for a little while." " Yeah?" " You know?" "Like, maybe I can get, like, an Airbnb in town and write and hang out." "And, like, you and I can get to know each other better, and..." "I should probably start disconnecting from, like, the toxic negativity of everyone I thought I loved in New York." "So this would be a good way to start." " Cool." "Yeah." " Cool?" "Yeah, it makes sense." "I mean... nobody wants bad vibes in their life," " right?" " Yeah." "I mean, actually, my girlfriend Ashlynn's getting here Friday, so you can meet her." "Your, um... your what?" "My girlfriend Ashlynn." "I know." "It's 'cause her dad is named Lynn and her mom was Asher, hence the unusual name." "Kind of have that in common." "She teaches hula up at Atlantis." "Yeah, she got the big gig." "But we try and see each other every couple of weeks when I'm off." "So... but, I mean, I prefer to go there because they got a fucking bungee that goes into a shark tank." " I mean, not man-eaters or anything." " Wait, so you're saying that you have a girlfriend?" "Yeah, but, I mean, we're open at the moment." "I mean, outside of the Bahamas, there's no real rules between us except if we, like, go on a trip." "Like, next month, we're gonna go Kilimanjaro, which is gonna be a motherfucker." "So, you, like, can't fuck anyone on Kilimanjaro 'cause you'll be, like, with her, so it wouldn't be..." "Yeah." "appropriate for you to fuck someone on Kilimanjaro." "Probably not." "Great." "Well, lucky I didn't meet you on Kilimanjaro." "What's up?" " I don't know." "What's up, dude?" " What..." "Well, I didn't..." "Is that a problem?" "I didn't think you were looking for something serious." "I mean..." "I didn't say I was looking for something serious." "I'm here on assignment." "I mean, that's a cru..." "Don't, like, put words in my mouth." "That's so insane." "Well, you just seem upset." "You seem mad." "I mean, I..." "Hannah." "I'm really sorry, Hannah." "I'm sorry." "It's okay." "I mean, like... why get mad at fun, right?" " Why get mad at fun?" " Yeah." " Why get mad at fun?" " No." "But I don't really want to be tickled." " Excuse me, what?" " I don't want to be tickled." " I'd really love to not be tickled." " Come on." "I'd love to not be tickled." "Please." " If you could just stop tick..." " Right." "I am really serious." " ♪ She's blood and flesh and bone... ♪" " No, thanks." "I'm good." "♪ No tucks or silicone ♪" "♪ She's touch, smell, sight, taste, and sound ♪" "♪ Somehow I can't believe that anything should happen ♪" "♪ I know where I belong and nothing's gonna happen, no, no ♪" "♪ 'Cause she's so high, high above me, she's so lovely ♪" "♪ She's so high ♪" "♪ like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite... ♪" "You good?" "♪ She's so high, high above me. ♪"