"Alright, everyone." "As you know, today is the annual pie contest." "And, surprise, surprise, we're gonna do it the same as last year." "Skips, you're on podium duty." "Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost, you guys go and set up the booths." "Yeah!" "Later grandmas!" "Pops, you're in charge of decoration." "Oh, rest assured, it will be a delight to the senses." "I'll be in charge of judging the pie contest." "Mordecai and Rigby, just go pick up garbage or something." "Aw, what?" "Why do we always get the lame jobs?" "!" "Yeah, why can't we judge the pies?" "Yeah right!" "You have no idea what it takes." "Uh, I'm gonna guess eating a bunch of pies." "No, it's not just eating a bunch of pies!" "Trust me on this, you're not ready." "Come on, how hard can it be?" "I eat pies all the time." "This isn't a game, Rigby." "Dude, just give us a chance!" "You always give us jobs we hate." "If you gave us a job we liked for once we might actually be good at it!" "I don't have time for this." "Go pick up some trash or your fired." "Wait!" "Let us be judges!" "You are actually willing to put yourselves in physical danger just so you can judge pies?" "!" "Okay, fine." "But I warned you." "If you come to me wanting to quit, YOU'RE FIRED!" "Hey, Pops." "What kind of pie did you make?" "This is my cherry tart!" "Put our your hand, put out your hand!" "This is great, Pops!" "I'm so glad to know it would be you two who will honor me with my tenth blue ribbon." "Hang on, Pops, not so fast!" "There is a chance someone else's pie will win." "Yeah, we can't make any promises." "I understand." "Then I guess blue ribbon number ten will just have to wait." "So what do we have here?" "It's a rubarb tartlet." "And you're gonna love it." "Starla put her heart and soul into this pie." "Didn't you, baby?" "Okay, judges, judge this!" "Now give her the blue ribbon, ladies." "Um, we can't just give Starla the blue ribbon..." "If Starla's rubarb pie doesn't win, the next pie you taste will be thrown in a tube!" "Because you'll be in a hospital bed, hooked to life support!" "Oh, Mitch!" "Man, that was horrible!" "Judging's a lot harder than it looks." "But not too hard to judge THAT pie!" "Ahhh, sick!" "I feel sorry for the apples that died to make this!" "I wonder what sort of loser made this loser pie." "Mordecai!" "Rigby!" "Hey guys, wait up!" "Oh dude!" "How much do you want to bet this is Margaret's pie?" "Hey Margaret, how's it going?" "Ready to try my pie?" "We'd love to, 'cus we're judges..." "Oh, declicious!" "So what do you think?" "Here's my score card." "I won't look right away if you don't want me to." "Uhh..huh...we forgot our pencils!" "Dude, judging BLOWS!" "I don't wanna tell people the truth about their pies!" "I know!" "If we don't pick Starla, Muscle Man is gonna freak out on us!" "I can't tell Margaret about her pie, she'll never talk to me again!" "And what about Pops?" "He almost cried and we actually liked his pie." "Everyone's totally gonna hate us after this." "Well, well, well." "Sounds like pie judging is not as easy as you thought, is it?" "No, it's totally easy." "Whoa, whoa, don't get all testy." "What's that?" "Oh this, it's a piece of pie." "You know what the best about cleaning is?" "You pretty much get to eat pie all day." "I don't think I picked a single piece of trash yet." "Yeah, judging was the worst." "Telling people what I think about their pies, hurting their feelings, crushing their dreams." "Well, just let me know when you guys wanna quit." "Oh wait, you can't, because if you do, I get to fire you!" "Happy judging, fellas!" "I don't want to judge this contest anymore." "I can it judge it for you." "What?" "Who said that?" "I'm over here." "Over by the trash can." "Who are you?" "I'm Promise Pie." "Cool." "Talking pie." "Dude, don't touch it." "Wait, I can help you." "How can you help us?" "I can help you pick the winner." " Really?" " Oh yes, trust me, it will be as easy as pie." "Yeah, we'll take a rain check on the talking pie advice." "Come on, dude, we have to do this ourselves." "There's gotta be a way to judge this competition without makin' everybody hate us!" " Dude!" " What?" "I know what we gotta do!" "Dude, what is it?" "Oh, man it's so simple!" "We just gotta give everyone a perfect score!" "What?" "Yeah, dude!" "If we give everyone a ten then everyone wins!" "And nobody hates us." "Dude, that's actually a really good idea!" "Yeah, man everybody's gonna be pumped!" "Time to finish judging this contest right." "Dude, we did it, we judged those pies in their faces!" "Yeah, we did!" "Perfect score!" "Perfect score!" "Perfect score!" "But, seriously, dude, we're never judging again." "Yeah, man." "Alright guys, let's go, it's time to pick a winner." "Oh, it's cool, we gave everyone perfect scores, so it's a tie." "It's totally a tie." "No!" "It doesn't work that way!" "Wait, wha?" "In the event of a tie the judges have to pick a winner live in front of all the contestants." "What?" "!" "That's right, doesn't seem so easy anymore, does it?" " Benson, You gotta help us!" " No way!" "You wanted be judges, you get to be judges." " What do we do?" "!" " I don't know!" "I gotta think." "Here's an idea, get out there and tell everybody the truth." "Dude, we can't do that, everyone's gonna hate us!" "Well, we have to do something, if we quit Benson 'll fire us!" "Dude!" "The pie!" "No, we're not asking that guy for help." "Do you wanna tell Margaret how bad her pie was?" "Well, well, well, look who's come crawlin' back." "Can you really help us?" "Of course, I can!" "Just say the word and I'll make picking' a winner as easy as pie." "Okay, but can you stop talking like that?" "It's making me uncofortable." "Yeah, me too." "Oh, sure, I can use my natural voice." "HOW'S THIS?" "Uh, probably better to go with the first voice." "Look, just help us judge the contest." "Not a problem." "I'll call you to come out as soon as it's done." "Oh, and one more thing, no matter what ya hear, don't come out 'till I say." "What, why?" "JUST DON'T COME OUT 'TILL I SAY!" "Okay!" "Man, problem solved!" "Babe!" "Gimme" "Promise Pie!" "What are you doing?" "!" "I'M NARROWING DOWN THE COMPETITION," "SO IT'LL BE EASIER FOR YOU TO JUDGE." "MARGARET!" "NO!" "What've you done?" "!" "I knew you guys wouldn't be able to judge pies!" "Was my pie so terribly bad that you couldn't judge it?" "POPS, NO!" "POPS, YOUR PIE WAS ONE OF THE BEST ONES WE TASTED!" "KEEP JUDGING!" "OKAY!" "I GUESS STARLA'S PIE WAS KIND OF OKAY." "BE HONEST!" "YOU HAVE TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST!" "ALRIGHT, FINE!" "STARLA, YOUR PIE WAS GRITTY" "AND IT TASTED LIKE A SACK OF BUTT CHEEKS!" "It's working!" "SKIPS, NEXT TIME YOU BAKE, WEAR A HAIRNET, BRO!" "DEATH, THIS WAS TERRIBLE, STICK TO KILLING PEOPLE!" "HEY, DUDE WITH THE PIE GLASSES!" "THE ONLY THING MORE TASTELESS THAN YOUR GLASSES WAS YOUR PIE!" "SCABITHA," "YOUR PIE WAS SOGGY, AND I FOUND A BANDAGE IN IT!" "MARGARET, YOUR PIE--!" "YOUR PIE!" "IT WAS THE WORST PIE I'VE EVER SEEN!" "SOMEHOW IT WAS BURNED AND RAW, IT TASTED LIKE BARF!" "Sorry, Margaret." "Pops, your pie was the best, you're the clear winner!" "Yeah, here's your ribbon, man." "Good Show!" "Jolly good show!" "What about me, fellas?" "What about you?" "I think it's time to put you back in the trash." "MORDECAI!" "RIGBY!" "Benson, we're sorry!" "Yeah, at least we didn't give up, right?" "UNBELIEVABLE!" "Hey, man, we judged that pie contest." "You're just mad we didn't quit and now you can't fire us!" "Oh, can't I?" "No, you can't!" "Yeah, I guess you're right." "CLEAN UP THIS MESS, OR YOU'RE FIRED!" "You think there's any pie left?"