"[Music playing]" "[Thud]" "[Ding]" "[Elevator music]" "[Ding]" "[Music playing]" "How'd that feel?" "[Sigh]" "[Sigh]" "Mm." "What time is it?" "It's a little after 4:00." "That late?" "Wow." "Then again, we did kind of have a busy night." "Uh, look." "I don't mean to be rude, but uh, I've got to get to work soon." "So you know, if you could..." "No problem." "Um, when you get back later, we'll... we'll go out." "Yeah." "You know, actually, I think... you know," "I'm positive I have something going on tonight." "OK maybe some other time." "All right." "Let me just lay here a couple hours." "Um, actually, I was kind of thinking maybe" "You could leave right now." "Right now?" "Yeah." "So let me say this out loud, just to get it straight." "You have no reservations about [scoffs] taking me here" "And having sex with you, but you develop a Texas-sized complex" "Because you don't trust me to stay here when you're not here?" "What do you think, Ryan?" "The minute that you leave, a van's gonna pull up" "And I'm going to load it with your 200-year-old black and" "White television, your garage sale couch," "And your got it from someone's curb, doesn't look great lamp?" "Sorry." "I've just never done this before." "[Sigh] It's nothing personal." "God forbid it should be something personal." "We only fucked each other." "I'm willing to bet you never pull" "Any sensitivity muscles, huh?" "[Sigh]" "Jeez, man." "What's your number?" "Maybe I'll call you sometime." "Can you tell me my name?" "[Scoffs]" "If you can tell me my name, then I'll give you my number." "All right." "Just... just give me a minute." "Minute's up." "You're going on two." "Listen, I think writing down my phone number..." "I don't know." "Would be a waste of your ink." "Well, look." "Can't I have a hint?" "Can we play charades?" "[Pills rattling]" "[Water running]" "[Phone ringing]" "ANSWERING MACHINE:" "This is Ryan." "Leave a message at the beep." "[Beep]" "TRISH (ON PHONE):" "Hi Ryan." "This is Trish." "Thought we had plans, but you didn't show." "What's up?" "Call me, bye." "[Phone ringing]" "This is Ryan." "Leave a message at the beep." "[Beep]" "CAROLINE (ON PHONE):" "Hi, it's Caroline." "You've been quite a tough person to get a hold of lately." "You must be working a lot or something." "Please call me when you get this, OK?" "[Click]" "[Phone ringing]" "[Sigh]" "Hey, don't look at me like that." "I..." "look." "I'm not the Antichrist, here." "I didn't promise her a thing." "Stuck my dick in her." "Last time I checked, that wasn't proposing." "All sex is is an enjoyable aerobic exercise." "Unless both have formally agreed beforehand that the act" "Is equal to something more." "Sex just happens to require two people, like in gym class," "When one kid would hold your feet" "Down so you could do sit ups." "I mean, who decreed that by having sex," "You're suddenly attached at the hip with that person?" "The church?" "Yeah." "I'm going to take advice on my sex life" "From a group who thinks copping a feel is grounds for being" "Sent to the 10th level of hell?" "It's easy for a priest to decree that when their entire sex life" "Is a series of one man shows." "[Scoffs] There's no way you can respect, let alone" "Commit, to a woman who will sleep" "With you on the first date." "Am I wrong or what?" "[Sigh] No." "Now... now I'm not happy." "But... but... but who's happy?" "What the hell is happy, anyways?" "Happy is a delusion." "A safety net concept invented by the government in order" "To make us believe we're going to be rewarded for the shitty" "Lives we lead instead of simply facing the fact that if we" "Threw ourselves out the window, the only thing that would" "Change is our relatives would save money" "On buying Christmas gifts." "But... but I can definitely, without a doubt," "Say that I'm content." "I'm content as a breast fed baby." "Do you have any movies where people get tied up?" "Pornos are in the back." "No, not pornos." "I want movies where people get like, tortured, you know?" "Tied up and just like beaten." "Do you have anything like that?" "You know, actually we do." "We have a whole section of movies dedicated to torture." "It's right between the section of movies" "Dedicated to puppy fucking and the movies" "Dedicated the fecal eating." "But if you get to the section on kitten burning," "Then you've gone too far." "Are you mocking me?" "Yep." "I'd like to see the manager." "OK." "How can I help you?" "You're the manager?" "And you're the sharpest knife in the drawer." "Look, bud." "I'm going to take a Vegas size gamble here" "And say that you're literate." "OK?" "The sign outside says Video Zone." "It doesn't say deviants, freaks, and assholes, OK?" "So why don't you take your goofy, I'm dating my sister ass" "And get out of my store." "Where do you get..." "Have a nice day." "[Knocking]" "What was that all about?" "I swear to Christ, I think mental institutions plan" "Their field trips to our store." "Bad day?" "You know, I did an informal poll." "Half our customers slash inmates are on some type" "Of antipsychotic medication." "Every fucking customer that has come in here today" "Look like they belong at the open casting call for the kid" "On the porch in "Deliverance."" "I don't even think we're managing a video store anymore." "I think we've crossed over into some unknown circle" "Of Dante's "Inferno."" "This is a rest stop on the way to hell." "Who's that?" "This new guy who works here nights." "He's a temp." "His name's Alex something or other." "Hm." "Is he cool?" "He's OK." "I mean, I don't want to drive cross country" "With him or anything, if that's what you're saying." "Just, he doesn't talk." "What?" "I tried striking up a coworker rapport of sorts." " Employee banter?" " Exactly." "Got nothing." "As a conversationalist, the guy ranks" "Right there at the bottom." "Right between Benedictine monks and street mimes." "You're a snob, man." "What?" "You are." "You're an intellectual snob." "Get the hell out of here." "It's the truth, man." "You've got a problem with everybody." "Uh, he doesn't talk enough." "He babbles too much." "He said irony instead of coincidence." "Yeah, I've got a low stupidity tolerance." "What's wrong with that?" "You tell me." "When was your last girlfriend?" "Hey man, that was my mom's fault, all right?" "I brought her home and my mom started drilling" "Her about her sexual history." "Crabs?" "What about crabs?" "Do you have crabs?" "Have you been checked for crabs?" "[Sigh] No, no." "I'm not talking about that one." "I'm talking about the one before that." "Jennifer?" "Well, Jennifer failed the test." "No." "You didn't give her the "Raising Arizona" test." "Fuckin' A I did." "And there's no way the relationship could continue," "Because she failed that test." "What the hell does that prove?" "It proves everything, all right?" "If you cannot enjoy a brilliant cinematic comedic masterpiece" "Like Joel and Ethan's "Raising Arizona," then you are bound..." "I mean, like, genetically bound..." "To show up with deep or numerous human" "Flaws somewhere along the line." "And Wilt Chamberlain, you are the last one" "Who should be lecturing me about my love life." "You realize we got a pool going in the back?" "All the customers are placing bets to see what happens" "First, AIDS or Ryan Junior." "The amount of women you slept with" "Looks like the sign at McDonald's that are how" "Many millions they've served." "Look, why don't you just shut the fuck up" "About that, all right?" "All right, look. "Raising Arizona" wasn't the only reason" "I broke up with Jennifer." "What was the other reason?" "She said she wouldn't read Shakespeare's "Richard"" ""III" because she hates sequels." "[Laughs]" "Oh." "Fuck!" "So are you coming tonight?" "It's tonight?" "Yeah, it's tonight." ""Blade Runner,"" "Both versions, back to back down at the Southfield." "Starts at 12:30." "Wake up, 'cause it's time to die." "Oh, well, you're overlooking one" "Very important point there, JT." "We don't get out of here till 10:30, man." "By the time we get down to the Southfield," "The show is going to be sold out." "This is true." "So how are we going to get in?" "Tickets went on sale at 7:00 this morning." "Guess who slept on the sidewalk to get 'em." "You slept on the sidewalk?" "Hell yeah, I slept on the sidewalk." "This is "Blade Runner" we're talking about here, all right?" "I would have driven across the Sahara" "In the trunk of a New York taxicab if that's what it took." "Oh." "Hey, ask her is she needs some help, man." "She doesn't, all right?" "Not from me." "Is this any good?" "I hate him already." "Oh, I don't know." "What about this one?" "I haven't seen it." "You know what I thought was a really good movie?" "I really..." "Lady, listen." "The words are running a marathon through my mind." "Can you guess what they are?" "Did I ask." "Well, I'm Michelle." "And you are?" "Not even remotely interested." "Yeah, keep walking, Michelle." "Smartest move you've ever made." "[Phone ringing]" "Video Zone, "Batman and Robin" sucks." "How can I help you?" "Hey, Mikey." "What's up?" "Oh, no." "No, man." "No, no, no, no." "You're killing me, Mikey." "You're fucking killing me." "Are you sure it's broken?" "Have you tried walking it off?" "Have you tried a cane?" "Have you tried a wheelchair?" "Have you tried crutches?" "What about that thing that goes, uh, that goes under the cars." "The creeper." "Have you tried a creeper, Mikey?" "Try a creeper, man." "All right, all right." "Well, how long are you going to be out?" "Six weeks?" "What are you fucking kidding me?" "I slept on the sidewalk last night" "And you're going to be down for the count for six weeks?" "No, I can't drive." "My car's in the shop." "No, Ryan walked here." "The bus?" "What are you fucking kidding me?" "The bus is the abnormal express, man." "Have you been taking long dips in the idiot pool?" "Have you seen people that ride the bus?" "Let me tell you something, man." "People that ride the bus almost always have shoes" "With Velcro on 'em, all right?" "Mikey, you're killing me here, man." "Come on, we've got to do s... hello?" "Hello?" "[Sigh]" "What's going on?" "He's not picking us up." "(SINGING) Yellow submarine, you can't catch" "Me in my yellow submarine." "Don't look at them, honey." "[Laughs] All they want to do is..." "[Laughs] all they want to do is crossbreed lions and tigers." "I mean, that's all they want to do." "[Laughs] But before you know it, it will be sheep, people." "Where do we draw the line?" "I mean, before you know it, we're all going to be digested" "In the bowels of progress." "Wha... yeah, this is good." "Really good." "I like that." "Nice." "Yeah." "[Thud]" "Hey, what the hell are you doing?" "I..." "I wanted to watch a video." "Yeah, well, you've got to pay for it first." "(SINGING) Yellow submarine." "Can't catch me in my yellow submarine." "Hey, you got some family I can call?" "Mom and dad, rest in peace." "Baby sitter gets letters in California." "Sister... sister loves the... uh... bananas." "Or bottles." "Beetles!" "Yeah." "Beetles." "Doesn't like a brother, though." "He... too weird." "Too weird." "Too crazy." "What about some friends?" "You got some friends I can call?" "One friend." "Only one who notices." "Only one who listens." "Only one who cares." "OK." "We're gonna..." "Mm." "Want to see a picture?" "Hm?" "No, I don't need to see a picture." "OK." "Hm?" "Go on, go on." "Have a look, man." "That's right here." "This is your best friend." "Because he listens to me, man." "Don't look at him, honey!" "He's crazy!" "Nobody notices a crazy man." "Nobody thinks I notice them not noticing, but I do!" "I do." "Right." "Nobody listens except for Ted." "[Sobbing] And he kissed me in my yellow submarine." "OK." "[Sobbing]" "[Laughs] Oh." "Fuckin' bananas." "[Laughs]" "How the hell did he break his leg?" "Mikey left his marijuana in a drawer in his room." "His dog got in the room, got into the marijuana," "Spread it all over the floor." "Wait a minute." "His dog got into it?" "You've seen his dog." "It's the jaws of Labrador retrievers." "One time it ate an entire rosebush, thorns and all." "Imagine having to shit that out." "Shit." "Well, so what happened?" "What do you think happened?" "Mikey's dad came home, and there laying" "On the floor was the dog, stoned out of its mind." "Oh, shit." "So what happened then?" "Oh, Mikey started..." "Mikey starts running from his dad." "His dad's chasing him around the house." "I mean, he's booking like Tom and fucking Jerry." "Or he's running like Speedy Gonzales on Benzedrine." "All right, already." "Christ, enough with the cartoon metaphors." "Anyway, anyway, Mikey ended up tripping on his leg" "And breaking it." "No leg, no Mike, no ride, no movie." "Hey, Alex." "Yeah?" "You drove here, right?" "ALEX:" "Why?" "What are you doing after work?" "I'm telling you, that's what I read." "Where?" "In one of those medical journals, the... the New" "England something or other." "What did it say?" "It said, in one of the recent studies," "They found eye drops to be addictive." " Really?" " Yeah." "I'm serious." "It said the more eye drops you use, the quicker your eyes" "Dry out, because of the chemicals." "Therefore, the..." "No, no, no, no, no." "Hence." "What?" "Hence, not therefore." "All right, motherfucker." "Hence, the more chemicals your eyes depend on to remain moist." "Therefore..." "It has to be a conspiracy." "Therefore." "Therefore, the more eye drops you need to buy." "It's a goddamn conspiracy." "You know what?" "Someone should put a warning label on that." "I mean, no one gives a shit about that until too" "Many people are hooked or dead." "Lucky cigarettes, hand to god, it" "Seemed like the whole world was smoking" "Them in the '40s and '50s." "Christ, I remember doctors advertising..." "W... wait... w..." "W... wait a minute." "What do you mean, you remember?" "The '40s and '50s, man, your mom wasn't even a fetus." "He means he remembers hearing about them." "God, JT, you're so damn critical." "Like that time you made that kid cry because he" "Said me instead of I." "So?" "He was fuckin' four years old, man." "That's more the point, man." "People should say what they mean and mean what they say." "Do you have any idea how many people" "Come into my store absolutely convinced" "That the word combat is spelled with a K?" "Do you have any idea how many more people come to my store" "Absolutely fucking convinced that showering" "Is strictly an annual thing?" "Do you have any idea how many people come into my store" "Not being able to pronounce the word trilogy?" "Oh, I'll give you that one." "I mean, no one can pronounce that damn word." "I mean, it's like I told him, all right?" "90% of the world is stupid." "The other 10%, me, you..." "I don't really know you," "Alex, so I can't really comment." "But me, you, we carry the rest of everybody." "But you know, it's a video store, JT." "It's not a government think tank." "Yeah, I gotta go with Ryan on this one." "I mean, don't you think you're being..." "I don't know," "Over critical?" "I'm not asking that everybody who comes in the store" "Be a fuckin' Final Jeopardy contestant." "I'm just asking that when they put down a job application" "On my desk, that A, they're not pierced so much" "They look like Pinhead from fucking Hell Raiser series," "And B, when I ask them whether they speak a foreign language," "The only thing they put down is they're" "Fluent in fucking Klingon, man." "You're not asking too much if this was a perfect world." "Thank you." "See?" "Thing is JT, it's not a perfect world, you know?" "Uh-oh." "What?" "It's overheating." "Why is it doing that?" "It's got a leak." "It needs a new radiator, and I thought" "I'd hold out till payday." "Ah, sh... [grunts]" "Uh." "We're um... we're stalled." "Yeah, thank you, JT." "Know anything about cars?" "Can you fuck a car?" "I..." "Can you fuck a car?" "No." "Then why would I need to know anything about cars?" "OK." "What about you?" "Do I... do I look like the owner of Harley's Garage?" "All right, come on." "Where are we going?" "I saw a gas station a few blocks back." "We're going to get some antifreeze" "And hope the car makes it to the theater." "Did I ever tell you about the one about the dead bunny?" "Yeah, well, this kid's pet bunny dies, so he gives it to his dad" "To bury in the backyard." "His dad's like, OK." "Go to school, and I'll have it buried in the backyard" "Before you get home." "So the kid goes to school, and his dad made soup" "For dinner that night. [Laughs]" "Pretty good one, huh?" "11:15?" "Over at the theater?" "Yeah." "Oh man, I can't wait to see it." "I haven't seen that in so long, man." "Yeah, OK." "Well, I gotta go, man." "I've got to lock up." "All right?" "See you there." "OK, bye." "Hey, look." "This will only take a second, man." "I'm sorry, fellas, but I'm closed." "Aw, come on." "My car broke down." "I just need to get some antifreeze." "I just closed out my register." "I can't ring anybody up until tomorrow." "I was just about to lock the door." "Jesus." "Nothing I can do for you until tomorrow." "Oh, Jesus Christ." "Come on, man." "Sorry." "Oh, we're broke down out there." "Ah." "Sorry, fellas." "Come on, man." "Jesus Christ, man." "Come on." "Y'all have a good night." "Oh, thanks." "Yeah, thanks for nothing, you goofy" "Jabba the Hutt motherfucker!" "Hey, shut the hell up, JT." "He's just doing his job, man." "I've seen you do the same thing before." "Aw, fuck him, man." "He's one of those people that are so annoying," "You think you could fucking kill him, man." "You hear that?" "You're just like birds that shit on your car" "Five minutes after you get it washed." "You are at the top of my list of people" "To choke the living shit out of." "Will you shut up?" "Look at that chin, man." "He's a muppet-chin bastard." "You're telling me he doesn't look like something Jim" "Henson created?" "That make you feel good, boy?" "Make you feel superior?" "I've been made fun of by a lot worse punks than you." "All I know is you're one mean son of a bitch." "I'm just trying to do my job, mister." "[Bird singing]" "[Laughter]" "Well, that fuckin' bird read my mind. [Laughs]" "Now what the hell are we supposed to do?" "Oh, well, shit, Stephen Hawking," "I would have thought you'd have it all figured out by now." "I mean, it seems like your keen intellects are... hey," "Has anyone ever told you you're a real smart ass?" "Yeah?" "Eat me." "All right." "Hey, Alex, Alex, back the hell up, man." "What, are you siding with him?" "Were you not here just a minute ago?" "He almost got us into a fight with a guy who" "Weighed as much as a small jet." "Look, we don't need a blow-by-blow, all right, man?" "We were all here." "We all know what happened." "So what do you say we stop remembering how we got here" "And start focusing on a way to get out of this mess." "Now, where are we?" "11 and Grassion." "Why?" "Because I know somebody who might help us out." "Harrison Ford." "Now, he's a cool guy." "I mean, easily one of my all-time favorite cinematic" "Good guys." "I mean, well, he's not..." "You know, built, right?" "But he's decisive." "Tough." "Fearless." "Harrison Ford said jump, you said out of which window." "I mean, when me and JT were younger..." "No, no." "JT and I. No, no, no, no, no." "Well, when JT and I were younger," "I was actually littler than JT." "I mean, I wasn't like an Oompa Loompa or nothing." "But I was kind of small." "So for the longest time, Harrison Ford" "Was my role model." "True?" "True." "I think the thing I like best though" "Is the way that Harrison Ford plays" "His characters like a badass." "But he never acts like a badass." "He just is." "And nowadays, anytime a character" "Wants to show you how tough they are, they... they... they..." "They spend 12 hours a day in the gym for a couple of months," "And then they tear their shirts off within the first act," "Just so they can show you how bad they are." "It is... all this showing off." "Look at me." "I'm bad." "I'm tough." "Eh, eh." "I mean, and then they do these photo spreads" "In these magazines, right?" "Featuring their ass and their pecs" "And their forearms, front and center." "Don't these guys have any pride left?" "Christ, you'd never see Harrison Ford" "On the cover of a magazine with nothing" "But a leaf over his schlong." "And do you know why?" "Because he's got the goods." "He knows it and we know it." "All those pretty boy actors out there know it." "And he doesn't have to prove anything to us." "Am I wrong or what?" "Oh, no." "You make a valid point." " Yeah?" " Yeah, man." "I feel the same way about Jimmy Dean." "Ooh, Jimmy Dean." "That is a good one." "He is a man's man." "So whose house is this we're going to, anyway?" "My girlfriend's." "My ex-girlfriend, actually." "What, did she like, kick you out or something?" "It's none of your goddamn concern." "Hey, come on, man." "Sorry." "It's a sensitive area, I guess." "That was weird." "Hey, hey, hey." "Hey." "Listen man, I'm..." "I'm short a couple of bucks." "You guys got any money I can borrow, huh?" "Sorry, fellas." "Can't help you out." "[Laughs] You see this?" "This can go through a car door, and it sure as hell" "Can go through you." "Now, you sure you don't have a couple of bucks I can borrow," "Huh?" "Look, just put the knife down." "[Laughs] What?" "Did you hear what he said?" "[Laughter]" "What'd you say?" "Put the knife down, you won't get hurt." "[Laughter]" "[Grunting]" "Are you gonna be as uh... dumb as your friend?" "Or do you have uh, some money I can borrow?" "Come on." "Jack." "What?" "Shit." "Holy shit." "Ah!" "Ah!" "[Screaming]" "Ah!" "You fucking killed them." "Look, I know this looks bad, all right?" "You know, I'm not happy about it." "But I had to do it." "It was self-defense." "It was kill or be killed." "I didn't do this for fun." "I didn't do this for shits and giggles." "I had to do it." "Had I not done it, you two would have" "Been dead on a morgue slab." "But they fuckin' stabbed you, man!" "Look, there's only two ways to kill a vampire." "Sunlight and a wooden stake to the heart." "All that coffins and Bella Lugosi shit, that shit." "W... wait." "Vam... vampire?" "Did you say vampire?" "That's right." "Syllable for syllable what I said." "That's bullshit, man." "If you're a vampire, where are your fuckin' fangs?" "I had them filed down." "I kept biting my lip." "Now, come on." "Let's go." "Oh no." "Prove you're a vampire." "I did it to A and B. Now, come on." "You fucking... if you're worried about me killing you, don't." "I would have done that an hour ago." "Look, you gonna come with me?" "Or are you going to wait until A," "The police, or B, some of their friends find these fuckers?" "Well, come on!" "Look, he's right, JT." "I mean, this isn't the best neighborhood to be in." "[Police sirens]" "We're trying something." "Don't worry, man." "Dude, you're covered by the best." "You know that." "How many fights have I gotten in for you?" "How many have I won?" "Huh?" "Come on." "So she's a vampire too?" "Yeah." "How many goddamn vampires are there?" "Let's just say you'd never sleep if you knew." "What?" "Are you nervous or something, man?" "Why?" "Because... because you look like you're going" "To have an aneurysm." "Why did you guys break up?" "Well, you're going to find out soon enough," "So I might as well tell you." "Adia left me for another guy." "In fact, you might know him." "Jack Daniels." "[Sigh] Wow." "If it isn't Travis Bickle." "This is a switch." "Usually I don't get to see your face." "Usually, it's your breath I hear on the other end of my phone" "At 3:00 in the morning." "Oh, that's bullshit." "I haven't done that since..." "Since what?" "Tuesday?" "Can we come in?" "[Sigh] No." "We're not... we're not starting that again." "ALEX:" "Starting what?" "Two weeks ago, you come back claiming" "You want your toothpaste." "Fine." "Maybe you're a little anal about dental hygiene." "Then you come back a week later, claiming" "I have one of your socks?" "I'm not buying this anymore, Alex." "Do yourself a favor." "Get yourself a hobby, a dog, some Thorazine," "Whatever it takes for you to realize that this is over." "I don't want you anymore." "No." "What you mean is you want someone who's" "Going to sit around and tell you that being a fucking drunk" "Is the greatest thing in the world, and everything you do" "Is just perfect." "Get the hell out of here." "Come on, look, Courtney Love." "I just need some goddamn antifreeze." "Our car broke down a ways back." "And then I'm out of your life for good." "You can go back to living this four star existence of yours." "You're lucky as hell Slain's not awake." "Who's Slain?" "Do we go in?" "I don't know." "I'm not familiar with vampire etiquette." "I didn't bring my Anne Rice decoder ring." "Well, let's just make sure we take our shoes off." "Eh?" "Yeah." "Who the hell is Slain?" "Will you shut up." "I'm trying to watch this." "He's your boyfriend, isn't he?" "OK, I'll take that as a yes." "Look, maybe we should go." "Where the hell do you get off fucking another guy?" "You're my girlfriend." "No, Alex." "No." "I was once your girlfriend." "Once being the operative word, here." "I'm not anymore." "Oh, once my girlfriend." "I see." "Kind of like you were once sober?" "[Scoffs] You still haven't lost your touch, have you Alex?" "You still know how to make me feel like 40 miles of bad road." "We should go." "It's obvious it wasn't such a hot idea." "And if I'm such a fucking drunk," "Then why can't you get over me dumping you?" "Uh, take a wild guess." "Oh." "Wait." "Slain's car." "Go take it to your car." "Put some antifreeze in it." "Bring it back later." "Be careful of the brakes." "They stick every now and again." "Slain won't mind?" "Slain's not gonna know." "He was out late last night." "Barely made it in by dawn." "Does he take care of you?" "I've come to the conclusion that no one is" "Ever going to take care of me." "But he brings home blood every night." "He works at a hospital and he steals blood from the bank." "You know how that goes." "Yeah, but is he good to you?" "Good enough, I guess." "Kind of depends on his mood, but... um, look." "I really don't want him to find you guys in here," "So do you think..." "Yeah, come on guys." "Antifreeze in the garage?" "Alex?" "I'm sorry I don't feel the same way about..." "Christ, man." "She shoulda just hooked herself up to an IV of Absolute" "And been done with it." "She made Cage in "Leaving Las Vegas"" "Look like a leading candidate for rehab." "You dated that lush?" "She wasn't always like that." "So how long did you two date?" "It would have been 31 years next month." "Right after my first tour in Nam." "In the beginning, things were great." "Better than great." "Things were phenomenal." "Then she starts spiking her nightly feeds with vodka tonic." "Soon she wouldn't even want to drink blood." "It became impossible to tell which one she was more addicted" "To, vodka tonic because she was an alchie," "Or blood because she was a vamp." "So you like loved her, huh?" "So what about you?" "Anyone serious?" "[Laughs] You're backing the wrong horse there, Count." "Why?" "What do you mean?" "I haven't exactly had many of what one could define" "As serious relationships." "OK, well, how long do they usually last?" "[Sigh] Well, mm... 10 hours." "Hours?" "Did you say hours?" "Well, one time I stayed with this girl for 14 hours," "But that was because she forgot to set her alarm clock." "I hope you're buckling up, Ryan." "[Groans]" "I mean, imagine having to live forever with AIDS." "Even vamps are scared of that." "Yeah, I buckle up." "It's just... well, I like sex." "What's wrong with that?" "Nothing." "I just hope you're not promising these women anything." "No, no, no, no." "In fact, the way I see it, I'm giving these women" "A valuable lifelong lesson." "How do you figure that?" "Look, here's how I see it." "Uh, women don't like to gamble." "Ah, Christ." "They like a safe bet." "They see a good looking guy like me... now, I'm not" "Saying that to be egotistical." "Oh." "I am just stating a commonly known fact." "OK?" "And they see me buying them drinks," "And the little hamster on the wheel starts turning." "They figure, hey, maybe if I give this guy" "A little something tonight, he'll" "Give me a lot of something for the rest of my life." "Maybe if I sleep with this guy tonight," "He'll fall in love with me, and he'll take care of my ass" "Forever." "You follow me so far?" "It's a struggle, but yeah." "All right." "Now, you don't have to be fucking" "Prophet to predict that ain't ever going to happen." "Why is that?" "Because the way I see it, no man" "Can fall for a woman who he sleeps" "With on their initial meeting, because he automatically" "Assumes that if she'll sleep with his creepy ass," "There might have been hundreds, even thousands before him." "He figures, fucking her is like going" "To the Secretary of State." "All I've got to do is pick a number," "And eventually I'll get served." "See, I teach women that they should never," "Under any circumstances, sleep with someone" "That they've just met, because nothing will ever come of it." "Ever." "Small price to pay to teach women that lesson." "I mean, if I gotta be that guy, then I gotta be that guy." "Well, what do you think?" "Well, I think you sound like Woody Allen." "Oh, how's that?" "Well, you'd never be part of a club that" "Would have you as a member." "Aw, shit." "The trunk came loose." "[Clearing throat]" "[Vomiting]" "JT, w... what's wrong with you, man?" "You don't... oh, fuck me!" "This guys' a vamp." "What?" "Someone staked him through the heart." "What's your girlfriend driving around with the body" "Of a dead vampire in here for?" "It's not Adia's car." "It's Slain's." "Slain?" "Wait, wait, wait." "Who's Slain?" "Her new boyfriend." "Weren't you paying attention back there?" "[Whistling]" "What's this?" "Blood." "It's his vamp blood, type AB." "You can tell all that just by sniffing it?" "Yeah, it's one of our gifts." "This one's labeled B." "Yeah." "[Sniffs] It's vamp blood too." "These are all vamp blood." "Why the hell would somebody, if they were a vampire," "Want to go around, kill, and bleed other vampires?" "That's not the strange thing." "The strange thing is why he's storing all their blood." "Well, could it... could it be like some kind of a drug thing?" "Oh my..." "No, I mean, like, is... is vampire blood like cocaine," "Whereas human blood's like Maxwell House?" "No, no, no." "See, vamp blood actually tastes worse." "The only time we drink it is when we" "Can't get our hands on humans." "OK." "So it's like when you buy the off brand headache stuff" "Because you don't have the money to buy" "The ass kicking Excedrin." "Yeah." "It's Kind of something like that." "[Sigh] Hey, you got $0.35?" "Yeah, what for?" "Hey, come on." "Come on." "Hey, wait." "SLAIN:" "Where's the car?" "[Phone ringing]" "Where's the fucking car, Adia?" "Hello?" "Adia, get out of the house, now." "Alex, you've got to bring that car back, like, immediately." "Is Slain awake?" "Is he standing there?" "Yeah, on... on both counts." "Adia, listen very carefully." "We found the body of a vamp in Slain's trunk." "Now, [inaudible] but we found a cooler full of vamp" "Blood in [inaudible] trunk." "Now, [inaudible]." "I'm telling you, your boy's a fuckin' psycho!" "Get out of the house, you hear me?" "Am I on the damn speakerphone?" "Adia!" "Fuck!" "[Whistling]" "I say a lot of shit about Adia." "I mean, when you get dumped, you say a lot of serial killer" "Shit, you know?" "I mean, there were times I wanted her dead" "Or at least seriously injured." "I mean, there were times that I was saying, man," "It's better for her to break up with me." "My life is better without her." "I don't need to be drying her out" "Every night, getting her out of fights." "There were lots of nights I sat around" "Saying, why am I doing this?" "She's my girlfriend, not my daughter." "Why am I tucking her in?" "Then I'd see her the next morning," "And before she hit the bottle, I didn't need to ask why." "Adia!" "Adia!" "Adia." "Adia!" "Wake the fuck up." "Come on, pretty girl." "Wake the fuck up." "Wake up, Adia." "She's cold." "Get her a blanket." "Get her a goddamn blanket!" "Come on, Adia." "JT:" "Alex..." " Wake up." "JT:" "She's gone." "Adia, wake the fuck up, Adia!" "RYAN:" "She's gone, man." "Wake up, girl." "Wake up." "Hey, hey, somebody's getting something out of the trunk." "Slain?" "Mph!" "Why'd you kill her?" "Ah!" "Because it's not finished!" "Oh, shit." "Jesus Christ, he's a fuckin' psychopath." "Forget about it." "Alex, you're going to get yourself killed, man." "Come on." "[Car engine]" "[Grunts]" "This is what has to happen." "What happened to me has to happen to others." "Then everyone will feel what it's like." "Everyone will understand." "Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing?" "Alex is back there." "Hey, does this car have air bags?" "Why?" "Remember how Adia said the brakes stick from time to time?" "Yeah?" "Yeah, well, this is one of those times." "Ah, shit." "Turn the wheel!" "What?" "And flip the car over?" "Oh, fuck me." "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee." "Oh no." "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with... fuck!" "Fuck!" "What comes after thee?" "[Tires squealing]" "[Door opening]" " Where'd he go?" " I don't know." "He ran off." "You guys came here, pulling up here like the guns" "Of the fucking Navarone." "Fuck!" "Paging David Helfgott." "David Helfgott, you have a call at the front desk." "Jesus Christ." "[Scoffs] I mean, what the fuck, JT?" "[Scoffs] That's..." "That's lovely." "What are you... what are you looking for?" "Anything that will help us find him." "Us?" "Now way." "What do you... what do you mean, us?" "Oh, no." "This whole... no." "This whole thing has nothing to do with us." "What the..." "Alex!" "Take it easy!" "Vampire or no vampire, you're going to put him down." "Now!" "Adia is dead because of what we found out." "We!" "Now, I don't know what this lame fucker's up to," "But if he's willing to kill his own kind over it," "You gotta know it was pretty goddamn serious." "Look, Alex, I just..." "I don't think I'm" "Up for this kind of thing." "Look, I know you must be floating" "In a lake of our own piss by about now," "Judging by what you've seen tonight." "And for that, I apologize." "I mean, you wanted a ride to the movies," "And you got psychotic vampires." "But I gotta tell you, I'm getting the vibe" "That whatever Slain is up to, he wants to hurt a lot of people." "So you're just going to have to chew some action hero gum" "And rise to the fucking occasion." "And you're right." "It shouldn't be up to us." "Just like that fuckin' show "Full House" shouldn't" "Have ran eight goddamn years." "And just like Bob Saget shouldn't" "Be dating Dana fucking Delany." "Just like I shouldn't be what I am." "Just like Adia shouldn't be dead." "But she is." "It's not a perfect world, JT." "Now is a good as time as any to start dealing with that." "People are dying, man." "All right." "Christ, I'm in." "Yeah, me too." "All right, well, help me find something." "Start looking around." "Fucking shit in here." "What the hell's that?" "Diagrams on the most effective way to bleed someone." "In this case, vamps." "You see this?" "This is a list of maps." "Irwin Gallagher, AB." "Jason Podsiadlik, type A. David Kraszevski," "Type B. Marcus Thoel, type O." "And all the... yeah." "And all the ones except Marcus Thoel are checked off." "Yeah, because he hasn't gotten to Thoel yet." "The old bottles in the cooler were... were still empty." "I'd be willing to bet major parts of my anatomy" "That's where he's headed, folks." "Do you know Marcus Thoel?" "Yeah, I've heard of him." "I mean, then again, vamps have heard of just about everyone" "Somewhere down the line." "You ever hear of Slain?" "No." "So if you don't know him, how are we going to find this guy?" "I mean, it's not like you can go to your local vampire hangout" "And ask around to see if anybody knows him." "Actually, it's a lot like that." "Here?" "Yup." "Jeez." "Shit." "Password." "Oldman." "Alex?" "Shit." "I didn't expect to see you around here." "You usually get yours delivered." "Yeah, well, you know what they say about first times." "My god." "It's Bram Stoker's Cheers." "[Inaudible] JT." "Don't piss anybody off in here, or else you just" "Might get to see your spine." "Get the picture?" "Well, I'll be a little, skinny soppy's uncle." "[Scoffs] I never thought to see you standing by in my bar," "There, Mr. Leery." "Well?" "What can I get for you?" "Um, what's fresh?" "Well, we've got a whole bunch of O negative" "That came from an accident down on Woodward Avenue," "And actually, I've got some A that I got at a blood bank" "Over at the uh..." "Red Cross." "Everything else, day old." "Give me a large O." "On the rocks or warm?" "Warm." "How about for your friends?" "Oh, ha, we're trying to cut back." "Thanks." "There you are." "Hey, can I talk to you if you have time?" "Yeah, OK." "Let me just take care of these guys that just walked in." "I'll be right back in a minute." "Yeah, all right." "I'll be here." "So." "So this is... this is how you do it." "I mean, you know, this is how you stay alive?" "Yeah, most of the time." "What about the rest of the time?" "Look, if you're asking whether I've killed people to stay" "Alive, the answer is yes." "But the people I have killed were all sex offenders" "And murderers and worse." "OK?" "Does that ease your conscience?" "Well, maybe about you, but what about everybody else in here?" "ALEX:" "That's their business." "Wait, wait." "So everybody in here could be killing innocent people, just" "Random guys, like me and JT, and you" "Don't have a problem with that?" "What's so funny?" "Look, let me tell you a story." "This man is trapped in the middle" "Of the desert with this other guy, and this guy's a stranger." "A guy you couldn't pick out of a lineup." "They are both... they've been walking for days," "And both men know that they're going to die." "And one day, when they're dehydrating near death," "This figure appears." "I mean, Christ, Moses, Charlton Heston." "Whatever." "And this figure kills the first guy." "I will lead you out of the desert, and you can live," "And all you have to do is kill the stranger next to you." "My question to you is what do you do?" "Do you die for the stranger next to you," "Who would probably kill you if he had the same opportunity?" "Would you kill him to save yourself?" "That's different." "ALEX:" "How?" "That's necessary." "ALEX:" "For what, survival?" "For us, killing is sometimes necessary for survival." "Now, while I don't agree with the practice of killing" "Innocent people, I'm not going to stand in the way" "Of the survival of a vamp." "Wait, so that's how you justify it?" "All right, look." "I can't speak for all the vamps in here," "But I can say the ones I've encountered," "They don't like to kill innocent people." "It's usually their last choice." "But while they don't like killing, they sure as hell" "Don't like dying." "So do you like it?" "Do you like being a... a vampire?" "Well, I don't suppose it's something" "Anybody likes, unless they're stupid or crazy or in denial." "But I can say I've honestly come to accept it." "What about other ones?" "I don't know." "Each one... each one has their own way of coping with it." "I mean, some, like Adia, drink their way into acceptance." "Others go fucking crazy." "And then there's others that just find healthy ways to cope." "RYAN:" "Like how?" "Support groups." "Get the hell out of here." "ALEX:" "No, I'm serious." "Every Mondays and Wednesdays, here in the basement." "Have you ever gone?" "No." "Any particular reason?" "Probably the same reason why I don't like coming in here." "JT:" "Which is?" "Whenever I come in here, I'm constantly" "Reminded by everything I see of what I am." "I mean, there are times I just don't" "Want to be reminded of that." "There are times I just want to pretend," "Just for a little while, that I'm just like everybody else." "Hey Alex, what's up?" "Got some bad news, Tommy." "Adia was killed tonight." "Oh, Alex." "I'm sorry." "Well, I mean, I..." "I know things weren't going really" "Good for you two at the end, but I know" "You really cared about her." "So... so who did this?" "I mean, I'll go out and I'll rip that fucker's heart out myself," "You know?" "I mean..." "It's not that simple, Tommy." "She wasn't killed by a human." "She was killed by another vamp." "A vamp killing another vamp?" "Oh, what the fuck is going on with our world?" "I mean, jeez, who did this?" "I don't know." "Slain something or other." "Her boyfriend." "You know anybody by that name?" "No, no." "I don't know anybody like that." "Oh, well." "Just keep your ears to the tracks, all right?" "TOMMY:" "Yeah, yeah." "I can do that for you." "Hey, is uh... is Clyde here?" "You want to see Clyde?" "Well, not especially, but he knows everybody." "Well, yeah." "He... after... he came in after the game, about 15 minutes ago." "He should be down by the back." "Thanks, Tommy." "TOMMY:" "Hey, uh, Alex, I'm really sorry about Adia." "Watch it." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, well, watch where you're..." "Ryan?" "Is that you?" "Uh, yeah." "You don't even remember me, do you?" "No, I don't." "I should have expected as much." "I slept with you." "What?" "When?" "A month ago." "You slept with a vampire?" "You never told me about that." "Look, not now, JT." "Because he didn't know that I was a vampire." "The club was dark, and we both had a few too many drinks." "Didn't we, Ryan?" "You remember what you told me, don't you?" "You said we were going to date." "You said we were going to get together that Tuesday." "That's a fucking quote." "Look, I thought you said you never lied to these girls." "You said you never promised them anything." "You really picked the wrong girl to change your policy on." "You know, I could have handled it if you would have just told" "Me it was a one night stand." "I like sex as much as the next girl." "You know why I didn't bite you that night?" "Because I liked you." "I liked you and I didn't want to see you become this." "But after what you did that next morning," "You sneaking out of my house like a goddamn cat burglar" "Before the sun was even up, I thought about finding you," "And I thought about killing you or biting you." "I hadn't decided which one, but you can bet your ass" "I wanted to do something." "I was up nights thinking about it." "I thought maybe if I did that, you'd know" "How I felt that next morning." "How fucking betrayed I felt." "But then I got to thinking," "How many other women have you done this to?" "How many other women have you slept with 34 seconds" "After meeting them?" "Your Rolodex is the goddamn yellow pages." "I didn't want one of the 108 diseases you probably have" "And be forced to live forever with it." "I didn't want to get sick." "Not over you." "You're just not worth getting sick over." "Yeah, maybe you should go wait outside." "We don't want any trouble with these guys." "Leaving alone?" "What?" "Well, I just figured a good looking guy like you might" "Be going home with somebody." "[Chuckles] No." "Not tonight." "You know, she's right, asshole." "It's all shit." "[Sigh]" "You realize that you've single-handedly" "Shattered the stereotype that homosexuals are thin and neat." "Well, well, well." "Senator Leary." "To what do I owe this honor?" "Senator?" "Don't worry, he calls everybody names." "He thinks it's clever." "Well, can we sit?" "Free country." "So who's your friend?" "He's kind of cute, even if he isn't a vamp." "Of course, I can change that." "I'm gonna go sit at the bar." "OK." "Is that guy a mortal?" "Yeah." "Never ceases to amaze me." "What?" "He knew that I could rip out his throat in half a second," "But he wasn't scared." "He wasn't scared of the fact that I'm a vamp." "He's scared of the fact that I'm gay." "I can't understand that about you guys." "You straight men think that if you come within 100 yards" "Of a gay man, the next morning, you'll simply wake up" "And you'll be a queer." "It's just balls." "I'll tell you why not." "No halfway for you." "You're not gonna say you're bi or experimenting." "You're just..." "Bi." "What a fucking joke." "Bisexual people are people that can't get their asses" "Off the fucking fence." "Saying that you're bi is like saying you" "Aren't Democrat or Republican." "Or like the people that stand in the fucking grocery line" "For 20 fucking minutes, trying to decide" "Between paper or plastic." "Bisexual is a synonym for indecisive asshole." "So who won the game?" "Milwaukee." "Detroit finally makes it to the playoffs," "And now they decide to put in the unproven reliever" "Two days out from the minors." "Somebody there is having stupid sandwiches," "And that's for damn sure." "What did you do to your teeth?" "I had them filed down." "Figures." "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "What it means, Senator, is you're not" "Living your life to the full accordance" "Of the facts of your existence." "Look, I didn't ask you to make me a vamp." "Whether you did or didn't is a moot fucking point." "You are one, so act like one." "Vamps don't associate with mortals" "Or hold down jobs or file their fangs down." "Look, I didn't come here to listen to you tell me" "What I should and should not do with this so-called funny life" "Of mine." "Then what the hell did you come here for?" "Put me on the Guilt Express for turning you?" "Senator, that foxhole was surrounded by Germans." "And if I hadn't intervened, you'd be nothing more" "But a toe with a tag on it." "Intervened?" "I saved your life, Senator." "You would have died." "Yeah, I did die." "Single teardrop rolling down my cheek." "Another vamp killed Adia tonight." "What can I do?" "Hi, what's your name?" "Joseph, but people call me JT." "What's a mortal like you doing in a place like this?" "This is a joke, right?" "What?" "Your friends put you up to this, didn't they?" "What?" "You don't think I know how it goes?" "I know what happened." "Your friends put you up to this." "Your friends told you to come over" "To this guy who looks like he weighs four and a half pounds," "Is balding, and looks like the bastard child" "Of the leprechaun on the front of the Lucky Charms box." "What?" "You don't think this has happened before?" "You don't think I know your game?" "I know what you're thinking." "I know what women think of me." "I know what everybody thinks of me, all right?" "I'm an asshole." "I'm an overcritical asshole." "I don't need to be reminded of it." "So why don't you just go back to your vampire buddies," "Because you ain't going to get the reaction" "You're looking for out of me." "You don't give yourself enough credit." "I don't give anyone enough credit." "At least I'm consistent." "ALEX:" "So you've never heard of a guy named Slain?" "CLYDE:" "No." "And I know everyone." "You sure he's a vamp?" "Yeah, his fangs were an inch from my face." "Man, he's got to be new." "I mean, really new." "Like, two months." "What about a guy named Marcus Thoel?" "Marc?" "Oh, yeah." "I know Marc." "Me and him used to run together during the Civil War." "Man, I haven't seen him in a long time." "You know, he used to come in here all the time." "He helped me open up this place." "Man, me and Marc used to talk about how we were" "Going to dust this fucking..." "Clyde..." "look, you obviously have me mistaken" "With someone who gives a shit." "Do you have his address?" "Yeah." "Somewhere." "Man, I really do need to go through this more often." "William Howard Taft, Pyotr Tchaikovsky, William Tell." "Marcus Thoel." "Thanks." "You know, Senator, you could come around here a little" "More often." "I miss you." "[Knocking]" "What, nobody's home?" "Let's go around back." "All right, I'm going to check downstairs." "You check the upstairs." "Why don't you check over there." "Look, if you see something, don't be like Bruce Willis," "All right?" "Just scream." "Ooh!" "Oh, fuck." "Fuck." "Ah!" "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "Jesus Christ." "What the... oh, man." "Oh." "What the hell is this?" "It's part of his ear." "Could things get any more repulsive?" "I mean, honestly." "All right?" "I feel like an editor on the "Faces of Death" movie." "I'm going to go wash my hands and vomit." "I'll be right back." "It's a note." "What does it say?" "He started it." "This is the vamp that turned Slain." "This is Slain's revenge." "Uh, how do you know that?" "Because this guy was tortured." "Look, his eyes are crazy glued shut." "Paper cuts on his face." "The Mike Tyson ear job." "The fact that he was beaten severely, all before he" "Was staked." "The guy we found in the car wasn't anything like this." "That was more professional, more methodical." "This, this is the work of a fuckin' psychopath." "Oh, that's Slain, all right." "The IV marks are still in his arm." "This seems much more personal, you know?" "I mean, every vamp goes through a stage where they want to kill" "The vamp that turned them." "And this guy just acted on that fucking impulse" "To the tenth fucking power." "The guy we found in the trunk didn't look anything like this." "So what do you think?" "It's type O. That's the type he needed." "And obviously, he's been bled." "I still don't get it." "But why?" "Why is he bleeding vampires?" "Thank you." "Why store vamp blood?" "There's gotta be something we're overlooking." "No, you're not overlooking anything, Count." "All right?" "They guy's a fuckin' psycho." "All right?" "And psychos, they don't need reasons for anything." "I read this one story, true story," "Where this guy was cutting off people's dicks" "And serving them in hot dog buns." "Yeah, I'm done eating." "I gotta go take a shit." "Oh, duly noted." "I'll call the Times." "[Laughs] Yeah, you fucker." "How the hell can you be friends with that asshole?" "Come on, man." "He's drunk right now." "Give him a break." "No, that's no excuse." "He's been an overcritical, know-it-all prick all night." "That's before he had a drop of alcohol." "So what gives?" "I don't know." "You ever hear the cliche, old habits die hard?" "Yeah." "Well, cliches only going to be cliches when they're true." "Can you elaborate?" "Do you want the long story or the Cliffs Notes?" "Cliffs Notes." "See, me and JT went to grade school together." "And back then, I was little." "I mean, like 4' 11", and I weighed about as much" "As a small dog." "Right?" "Strong winds could blow me..." "Hey, Christ." "I get it." "Come on." "Anyways, one day, this inbred ass fucker" "Is screwing with me for what must have" "Been the 50th time that week." "He's asking me for my shoes, asking me" "For my money, yada, yada, yada." "JT busts out like fuckin' Batman, right?" "I mean, he does a real ass whipping on this guy." "He used his face as a mop." "And after that, we just started talking." "He told me about how he likes watching movies in letter box" "And how much he hates pan and scan." "I told him I felt the same way, and that was that." "No, no." "Not exactly." "And I want to know where Captain Sarcasm got his big mouth from." "Can you answer me that one?" "It's the way he's always been." "What can I tell you, man?" "Puberty hit JT really early." "And for a long damn time, he was bigger than everybody else" "In our grade." "So he could say whatever he wanted to," "And he didn't have to worry, because nobody" "Would dare touch him." "And then high school came along." "All of a sudden, JT started looking up to a lot of people." "Needless to say, that didn't go over too well." "I must've gotten his ass out of a hundred flights." "What are you, his Secret Service agent?" "Doesn't that get to you?" "Look, even if it did... which I'm" "Not saying it does..." "Friends like JT" "Don't come easy or often." "And the way I see it, once they're your friends," "They're your friends no matter what," "And you do whatever you have to do to keep it that way." "Oh, thanks." "Oh, hey." "Oh, I'm so sorry, honey bear." "I'm just not all that with it today." "See, once a year, I try to donate as much blood as I can." "Today just happened to be the special day." "Probably shouldn't be working, but Kyle... that's our boss..." "He's a real asshole." "Wouldn't give me the day off." "Well, what do you do?" "Didn't Adia say something about her boyfriend" "Working at a hospital?" "[Knocking]" "JT, come on." "We gotta go." "I'm not going anywhere." "Why the hell not?" "JT:" "Because there's no toilet paper in here." "Aw, shit." "None?" "Not a shred." " Well, use something else." " Oh, yeah." "Good idea." "Why don't you toss your shirt on over here, Alex?" "Ah, shit." "I'm going to go get him some toilet paper." "What's... you know, what's the rush, anyway?" "We think we figured out why Slain's taking vamp blood." "All right, I'm listening." "Well, all right." "Adia mentioned that Slain works in a hospital," "And hospitals have blood banks, right?" "Yeah, right." "For transfusions and car accidents, yeah, right." "Right, right." "Well if Slain had access to the blood bank," "He could use the vamp blood he has in the cooler to taint" "All of the hospital's entire blood supply," "Thus making hundreds of patients vamps." "But why type the bag so carefully if he's just going" "To taint the whole supply?" "Well, because if you mix the wrong vamp blood" "With the wrong human blood, it turns black," "And no doctors are going to use that." "It's like putting a square peg into a round hole." "So only for matching the blood tit for fucking" "Tat will the blood be successfully tainted." "That's right." "Without being noticed?" "Yeah." "JT:" "Well, how much vampire blood does it" "Take to taint human blood?" "A lot or..." "No, no, no." "One drop." "JT:" "A drop?" "One drop." "One drop of vampire blood gets into human blood," "Whoever gets that blood isn't going" "To be very human for very long." "Fuck." "But why would he want to turn a bunch of people into vamps?" "I mean, why would anybody want to turn" "Another person into a vampire?" "I think he's in pain, and he wants other people" "To experience that pain." "Uh, I'm not following you." "What do you mean, here?" "Well, it's like this story I once heard." "OK?" "There's this guy who goes into a bar." "He gets a little too drunk, he meets this girl," "He takes her home to have sex." "JT:" "OK." "Guy wakes up the next morning, and she's gone." "He thinks nothing of it." "He goes to his bathroom, and there" "On the mirror, written in lipstick" "Is the phrase, "Welcome to AIDS."" "Jesus fucking Christ." "ALEX:" "I should have saw this coming." "You know, all of us vamps feel the same way" "At one point or another." "Did you ever go through it?" "Yeah." "When you've been in three wars, and you lose entire platoons" "Of guys younger than you, that's when you start" "Asking yourself things, like why you survived," "And why couldn't they?" "And is there anything you could have done to help them?" "When you bury your little sister before you," "Let's just say that's not the natural order of things." "That's when you start focusing on the pain," "And you start blaming people." "JT:" "Blaming... wait a second." "Blaming... blaming people for what?" "For not being as unlucky as you." "Well, look on the bright side, Count." "At least you had friends to bury." "They're all out of toilet paper." "Oh, it'll do." "Go throw it over." "Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!" "Are you serious?" "Paper towels?" "You want me to wipe my ass with this?" "Why didn't you just go the whole nine and bring back steel wool" "Brillo pads." "[Laughs] So how do you feel, huh?" "Like I've been anally raped by a sandpaper dildo." "There are four hospitals in this area." "We can't possibly check them all in one night." "You sweeties left this at your table." "Oh, thanks." "Four hospitals." "Christ." "What the..." "Guys, we don't have to check all four." "Kern Hospital." "Daquindre." "Hey Slain." "How are you doing?" "Hematology?" "Hey, hey, hey!" "You got authorization to be here?" "Where's Slain?" "He's in the lab." "Oh, that was very cool of us." "Hey, are you... are you sure you should just rush in there?" "[Grunting]" "You mess with my friend, you mess with... [grunts]" "[Screaming]" "[Gurgling]" "[Grunts]" "Thank you." "Alex." "Sure you got it all?" "Yeah, I got it all." "Only the old bags were tainted." "What time is it?" "A little after 1:30." "Well, I was thinking, you know, it's a little late and all," "But if we get to the theater in time," "We could still see uh, Daryl Hannah crush" "Harrison Ford in the crotch." "All right." "All right." "[Car engine turning over]" "[Music playing]"