"when we are dying... or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief." " we go into denial..." " push another amp of calcium." "Because the loss is so unthinkable," " we can't imagine it's true." " Clear." "we become angry with everyone-- angry with survivors, angry with ourselves." "Then we bargain... damn it, o'malley." "Come on." "Live." "Just live." "I.C.P. 'S 30." " Push 70 of mannitol and start bagging." " he's hemorrhaginginto his brain stem." "Is it too late for steroids?" " We beg, we plead..." " he's herniating!" "We offer everything we have." "We offer up our souls... in exchange... for just one more day." "stevens, can you hear me?" "look at me, stevens." "damn it." "When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can." "We let go." "we let go and move into acceptance." "anybody know if he's a donor?" "DAY ONE" "Season 6 Episode 12 Good Mourning  Goodbye" "She wants it out." "Can't we take it out?" "She's breathing over the vent." "All right." "Let's pull out the tube." "dr." "Bailey." "it's okay." "Slow down." "Okay, come on." "Slow down." "his I.C.P. Went through the roof." "We did everything." "Everything." "Chief, his organs are viable for now." "But... it won't be long until he's acidotic and hypothermic." "Is he a donor?" "Um, I-I don't know." "I called his mother." "She's on her way." "Let's close him up and get him to the I.C.U. In case she wants see him." " Who--who's george?" " What?" "John doe." "The guy who threw me out of the way of the bus." "The guy who saved my life." "Everyone's crying, and they keep saying, "john doe is george." Who's george?" "You can't tell her." " Alex - she coded in my arms." "Out of nowhere, she died." "Just..." "I'll tell her." "I'll tell her when she gets stronger." "Alex." "O MALLEY JOINED THE ARMY" "You okay?" "I had... a dream." " He was in his uniform." " What?" "George is gonna die in the army if we don't stop him." "Hand me my phone." "I need my phone." "Who said that was george?" "Why do we think that's george?" "Meredith said..." "I don't know." "That's not george." "Look..." "look at his feet." "Look how tall he is." "That's not george." "he wrote in my hand." " with a pen?" " what did he do?" " in your hand?" " What does that no, he grabbed my hand and he squeezed it, and he wrote with his finger." "He wrote with his finger?" "You know, in my hand." "He wrote "007."" "We, give..." "I don't understand." "Okay, what did I write?" "Joe?" "N-no!" " No, I did not write "joe." " " Are--are you serious?" " Grey, do you mean this may not be o'malley?" " This is funny." "did anyone try and call o'malley?" "Can we get him on the phone?" "I'm telling you, he squeezed my hand." "Just sh-shut it." "You don't get to talk anymore." "You don't get to talk ever again." " I could've sworn it was george." " I got voice mail." "He's not answering." "He has a freckle on his right hand." "It's shaped like texas." "I used to tease him about it." "I'll check." "you people, answer your pages." "George o'malley jumped in front of a bus today." "He knew what he was doing, and he did it anyway, and he did it to save a life." "So I'm not gonna allow you doctors to stand here." "There are lives on the line." "There are lives we can save." "So if george o'malley can jump in front of a bus, we can answer our damn pages." "So let's go." "damn it." "Damn it, o'malley." "now how long ago did the pain start?" "I don't know." "A-a few weeks?" "Growing pains." "I took him to see our doctor." "He's a bad doctor." "He's--he stands there texting while I'm talking to him." "He diagnosed andy with growing pains." "But, you know, I grew up, and growing pains did not cause me to fall down on the soccer field." "Mom, you're being a little dramatic." "Your pain is dramatic to me, andy." "Your mom's right." "It's a good thing that you came." "Okay, thanks, because it does hurt." "Everything hurts, all the time." "Okay." "Well, I'm gonna give you a quick exam, and you're gonna let me know if the pain gets worse, okay?" "This doesn't feel real." "Does this feel real to you?" "No." "I don't know." "Oh, crap." "I don't want..." " I can't" " Don't walk away now." "Come on." "Don't walk... mm." "Mrs. O'malley..." "I'm so sorry." "you were his wife." "In god's eyes, you're still his wife." "You should decide about his organs." "You should decide." " But, um" " I can't do it, callie." "I can't do it." "You understand?" "Ronnie and--and jerry, they're off on some fishing expedition in alaska, and they're gonna come home and I have to tell them that georgie... that's all I can do." "That's all I can..." "I can'T." "I-I can'T... even see him like this." "I can'T." "You need to do this for me." "Can you do this for me?" "speed boat accident." "19-year-old female." "Lost vitals twice, but B.P. 'S holding in the low 80s." "Both arms amputated at the scene, and the right leg's hanging on by a thread." "Did you recover either of the arms?" "No, they're probably at the bottom of puget sound." "She was thrown from the boat, got pulled into the propeller." "She needs more access." "She's bleeding out." "Let's get a central line in her." "Let's go." "Go." "draw trauma labs, uh, type and cross her and get as much o-neg as possible." "Wait!" "I found them." "I found them." "Her arms!" "they were on the boat with her." "I found them in the water." "You have to take them." "They were just floating in the water." " You--you can sew them back on, right?" " We'll do everything we can." "Oh, my god, jojo." "That was so gross." "Jasmine, you just saved her life." "You think?" "I'm so sorry." "I just heard." "I don't know what to say." "Go home." "You need to go home." "You need to cry and scream and-- when my brother died, I-I ate doughnuts." "I ate a lot of doughnuts, and that helped some but... god, I-I don't know what to say." "His mom wants me to decide about his organs." "He lost his wallet in the accident." "They don't know if he's a donor, and now his mom wants me to decide, and can'T." "I can't tell her no, but I can't decide." "I mean, we were only married for a few months." "Okay, but... during those months, you were the most important person in george's life." "No." "No, I wasn'T." " I..." "I'm sorry." " Okay, so let's take a look at the x-rays." "Do I need to take my son to another hospital?" "What?" "That doctor's hands are shaking as he tries to stick my son with a needle, and those nurses are crying." "You and your friend-- what the hell is going on here?" "There was an accident, and one of our people died." "andy is my person." "He's my only person." "And... something is wrong with him." "So what I'm asking you is, do I need to take him somewhere else?" "No." "No." "I'll make andy my person, okay?" "I'll make andy my person, too." "I didn't tell her, okay?" "Karev-- look, we just ignored her D.N.R." "Her kidneys quit and she coded." "She was freaking intubated." "She's not strong enough." " What's her B.U.N.?" " 15." " And her creatinine?" " 1.5." "She's strong enough." "She's strong enough, and you have to tell her." " Why?" "It can wait." " No, it can'T." "It can't wait because george's organs are not gonna be viable for long." "If they want to use 'em, ey have to do it soon, and I have to decide if they get to use 'em, and I need izzie to help me, because she's the one who should decide." "She's who should decide." "So that's one reason and..." "and the other reason is, karev, if you let them unplug george without giving her a chance to say good-bye..." "I mean it, she will never forgive you." "You have to tell her." "her pressure keeps dropping." "Let's throw in an I.O. And put the blood in the rapid infuser." "These are pretty clean amputations." "We can reattach these arms." "Yay!" "I found 'em, you know?" "I'm looking at omentum." "Let's get her to an O.R. Now." "Does your friend have any allergies, medical conditions?" "Is she on any medication?" " She's not our friend." " Jasmine!" "We barely know her." "We met her on the plane from sydney." "We're backpacking, seeing the states." "So we hardly know her." "We're just traveling mates." "She's really nice, though." "all right, let's move." "A name." "Uh, can you give me that?" "Clara." "Clara... ferguson, I think." "Clara ferguson." "Clara, hang in there." "Stay with me." "She lives with her mum in london." "I have her backpack in my car." " Okay, get it." " Should we stay?" "Yes, uh, in the waiting room." "I'll update you when I can." "dr." "Shepherd." "Mr. Jennings." "It's good to see you." "It's derek, right?" " May I call you derek?" " Of course." "I understand you lost a resident." "That's sad." "I'm sorry." "But the hospital board is meeting soon, and, derek," "I need to know if you'd like to be the next chief of surgery at seattle grace." "George." "it's me." "You know, I pretty much died not too long ago." "So I need you to call me back." "Please." "I know." "I played the cancer card." "I'm gross." "Whatever." "I need to tell you something, and I need you to not panic." "I need you to keep breathing." "I need you to stay alive, 'cause..." "I swear to god, I need you to stay alive." "All right?" "Okay." "O'malley... he got in an accident." "He's brain dead." "I'm sorry." "What?" "What about his heart?" "Okay." "His eyes?" "I know." "Don't want to imagine him without his eyes." "George would give everything." "His skin, his eyes-- he would give everything." "I have a kid in there-- 15 years old, previously healthy-- has back pain bad enough to cause vomiting." "Can you talk it through with me?" "Because I can't figure out what it is, and I think best out loud." "Did you not hear about george o'malley?" "I did." "It's incredibly sad." "I cannot talk to you right now." "I cannot work right now." "dr." "Bailey..." "I hear that." "And I don't mean to be insensitive." "But this kid?" "This kid's still alive." "And I don't know what's wrong with him." "Not a clue." "So..." "I need you to work." "I need you to talk through this living patient with me, bailey." "Please." "how's his neuro exam?" "Normal." "Could it be... a compression fracture?" "Plain films and C.T. Are negative." "Any congenital problems?" "None reported." " Need to go home?" " No." " Did you eat?" " No." "Can you eat?" "no." " Did you cry?" " No." " Maybe if you cried, you'd feel better." " I--you just--just, uh, you being here is... and don't say anything, just be here, that--that--that helps." "how are you?" "Meredith." "We need you." "Okay." "Excuse me." "amanda." "You have to go." "We need the room." "I'm so sorry." "I know." "I'm sorry." "I'M..." "I'm so sorry." "you, too, huh?" "Growing pains." "You're saying this is growing p-- no, no, no." "Not just growing pains." "He has a mild case of scoliosis, whh, combined with a growth spurt, could account for the pain and the clumsiness on the soccer field." "So we'll see if it settles in a couple of weeks, and if not, then you'll come back in for more tests." "Why don't you just run them now?" "Because the next set of tests involve things like sticking large needles into andy's spine." "All right, then." "Heading home." "You're sure about this?" "No." "But I'm gonna write a prescription for muscle relaxants, and you know that I'm here if you need me, which I really hope that you won'T." "Did torres decide about o'malley?" " About his organs?" " I don't know." "I'm gonna see where they are." "Uh, chief." "Look, I..." "I know this is the worst possible moment, but... we need to talk." "The board is planning a coup." "They're saying that you dropped the ball, that our ranng isn't coming up." "They want to oust you." "They're asking me to support it." "They're asking me to step up, to take the job." "Take my job?" "I told them I'd think about it." "I bought you some time." "But you need a plan." "torres has made a decision." "Were you here to give an update on the boating victim?" "Uh, yeah." "Where are-- they left." "Her friends left." "They saithat they hada plane to catch and something about a concert in vegas that they didn't want to miss." " They left her pack for you." " She's got dozens of surgeries ahead of her, if she survives this one." "She needs a support system." "Okay, until we find her family, you're it." "Keep that." "Uh, w--I'm--I'm sorry." "You want me-- you--you're ordering me to what, be her friend?" "She's gonna wake up in a lot of pain missing one of her legs and unable to use either of her arms, so yes, I am ordering u to be her friend, 'cause I'm sure as hell not gonna do it." "I'm heading back to surgery." "patient is george o'malley, 29." "Procedure is organ recovery for donation." "I will call on the receiving surgeons." "Kidneys." "St. Luke's children'S." " Boise." " Who is it for?" "Sorry?" "Who are his kidneys for?" " I gave all that to the nurse." " I would like you to tell me." "Molly kemper... 8 years old, hypoplastic kidneys." "thank you." "Lungs?" "Lungs and heart are going to portland medical center." "Terry class, age 22." "Cystic fibrosis." "Liver?" "***" "you are ev." "You are the devil." "I am." "I admit it." "Cristina, you know the rules." "Oh, the rules are stupid." "So you're saying my shrink's stupid?" "Hmm?" "I'm saying she's a prude." "She's prudey and--and misguided." "She wants us to get to know each other." "She wants me to keep getting to know myself." "She does not want me..." "burying myself in you." "And if we start to have sex..." "I'll bury myself in you." "Oh, now who's evil?" "It's not gonna be too much longer." "You want me to quit therapy?" "Hmm?" "No!" "Crap." "All right." "We have to go to o'malley's funeral anyway." "No, I hate funerals." "Let's skip it." "Uh, we can, uh, push up ceviche's debridemen that's good excuse." " Ceviche?" " Chopped up fish." "Propeller accident." "Ceviche." "It's funny." "Right." "It's sick." " That's what makes it funny." " We are going to the funeral." "Come on." ""And then all these unicycle boys with wings "carried us on a platform like we were cleopatra or something." "Hilarious." "" I can't believe they went to burning man." "Hags." "They'd never even heard of burning man." "I hate them." "I hate them." "Clara... forget them." "Okay?" "They're morons." "They're just... think about today." "Okay, the fact that today, you're gonna get what we believe is your final debridement, and then after that, we're gonna get the physical therapist in here to get your arm moving." "So I am gonna save this piece for you to do." "Thanks." " Now I'm gonna ask you one more time." " No." " Don't you want to call your mom..." " no." "Before your next surgery?" "No." "Not yet." "But we could write her another e-mail." "Will it make you late for your funeral?" "No, no." "***I hope you're well." "Aside from the heat and the smell, burning man was amazing." "there is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens... a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot the plant," "a time to kill and a time to heal... a time to tear down and a time to build... are you okay?" " A time to weep..." " you want the wheelchair?" "And a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing." "I'm sorry." "You're laughing?" "She'laughing." "george--george is dead." "He's dead." "They're about to put him in the ground, and the priest is doing classic rock lyrics." "And that girl, that redhead is crying harder than his mother, and she never even met him." " It's just..." " you are far more twisted than I ever realized." "and you got married on a post-it." "I got married on a post-it." "I did." "I did." "You know, you guys got married for real?" "I know!" "and I got cancer." "What?" "Dude, o-o'malley got hit by a bus." "oh, my god." "she never stops crying." "not now." "Please not now." "It's been a week." "You've been avoiding me." "Not now." "I am buying you time, you know?" "I am buying you time." "You have no idea what I've given." "You have no idea what I have sacrificed." "For every miscalculation you think u see, there have been a hundred things that I have gotten right, and no one knows." "Look, I'm on your side, okay?" "I'm--I'm not the board." "I'm not jennings." "Well, then back off, then." "Just back off and... you give me time to think." "Let me have a minute to..." "o'malley was my intern." "And I am trying to just take a minute." "So, derek, please... back off." "you want a ride home?" "I s gonna clean ous locker, give his stuff to his mom, but..." "I was a bad friend to george." "I was about as good a friend to him as clara's friends, who keep sending postcards from the trip that she'll never get to take." "I just..." "I..." "I abandoned him completely." "I-I-I just... moved out and--and stopped talking to him and... why?" "Because--because he didn't thini was as hot as I thought he was or be-because he--he didn't-- he didn't love me back?" "This... may be bad timing, but I gotta ask." "What did that guy have?" "I mean, he wasn't much to look at." "But you and stevens and torres?" "Tell the truth." "Was he... you know... hung?" " That's" " I know." "I said bad timing." " I-- but seriously, he was kind of a dorky little dude." "Stop." "Stop talking." "Sorry." "Sorry." "Sorry." "he... he died." "I... george died." "Yeah." "***" "Okay, any pain here?" "Now take a deep breath." "Any dizziness when you stood up?" "Take a deep breath." "no. okay." "You are going home." "You are gonna come back in 12 days for another round of I.L. -2, and then you have your pet-scan two weeks after that." "But there's no need for you to keep living in this bed." "You should take it easy." "You're still a cancer patient, but you're no longer a surgical patient." "Thank you, dr." "Bailey." "I don't know how to... thank you." "Uh, don't forget to sign the discharge papers before you leave." "Andy?" "He's got serious pain in his inguinal area and down his legs and in his lower back." "He's got a temp of 101, and his mom says he's been throwing up all night." "Please don't tell me this is growing pains, dr." "Robbins." "I can't do it." "It's okay." "I can't move it at all." "it's only been three days since your last surgery." "The swelling will come down." "Take a deep breath." "You're doing great." "Right." "Great." "So... where did we leave off, at the grand canyon?" "Yeah." "Big, gorgeous hole in the ground." "Okay, uh, miss you, mum." "uh, wish you could see it." "Clara, sorry." "Um... you are doing great, but you got a long road here." "And believe me, your mom, she's gonna want to know." "And she's gonna want to help." "She madee from scratch." "That's what she always says." "Like... when I wanted to go skydivando salt?" ""don't jump out of a plane, clara." "I made that body from scratch." "" Or when I sprained my ankle..." ""be more careful, darling." "I made that ankle from scratch." "" Miss you, mum." "I'm doing great." "love you." "Clara." "come i oh, dr." "Torres." "Chief, I was just, um..." "I was just wondering." "I, um, haven't heard anything about my application for attending, so... well, dr." "Torres, dr." "Chang's 401(k) took a hit, and he's putting off retirement for another year or two." "So... so wait." "You're not giving me the job?" "There is no job, not this year." "I'm sorry." "I assumed you'd heard." "Okay, um, dr." "Chang is basically a figurehead." "You're clear on that, right?" "When people want the best, they page me." "I have basically been running dr." "Chang's department all year." " dr." "Chang has an impeccable record." " He is a dinosaur!" "And so am I!" "You're... this is c-- you're gonna regret this." " dr." "Torres-- no, no, no." "I am just... no." "I am excellent." "I am excellent, and any other hospital would be thrilled to have me." "I'm flattered for the offer, larry, and I'm seriously considering it but it's-- it's complicated, and I need a little more time." "I can't give you more time, derek." "I can give you more money, better benefits and a whole lot of press-- that's what I can give you." "But I can't give you much more time." "Yes, I am." "I'm a superstar-- a superstar with a scalpel." " Torres-- no!" "Don't say my name." "Do not." "I am too big a star for you to say my name." "I build arms out of nothing, and legs, like god." "And when I win the harper avery and every other prize there is, you will rue this day, chief webber." "That's right." "I said "rue." "" Tight ship you're running here, webber." "Al tight ship." "Amanda." "What are you doing here?" "Uh, I... can't sleep." "I can'T... fall asleep 'cause I see his face all the time." "I see him at the bus stop... you know, sweet, smiling, and then... and then I see the way that he ended up, so that even his best friends can't recognize him, and I can't sleep." "Can you... can you sleep?" "I, um... am gonna write you a prescription for an antianxiety medication." "And I want you to take it, because this sleep deprivation thing can be quite harmful." " dr." "Robbins." " Chief." "Did you order an emergent 3-d M.R.I. For this patient?" "Okay, you're mad." "I see that." "But with the patient's mother's insurance, it could take weeks to get an M.R.I." "And a specialty pain referral-- so you expect the hospital to pay for this with whose money?" " Oh, well, sir, I only thought that-- I don't want to hear it, dr." "Robbins." "Now discharge your patient, refer him back to his physician, and do it now." "dr." "Karev, change of plans." "*** open up!" "Open the door, torres." "Open the door or I'll keep knocking and potentially damage my multimillion-dollar hands." "my ex-husband died." "He died." "He actually got hit by a bus." "George got hit by a bus." "And now--now I have to get a new job, and--and I'm never gonna see my friends anymore." "And arizona keeps bringing me doughnuts." "we'll set up the scaffolding here." "this place for sale?" "It's nice." "what?" "Oh, nothing, nothing." "oh, my god!" "Derek!" "dude, get a room." "On the stairs?" "Doesn't that hurt?" "leave us alone." "We're newlyweds!" "A post-it wedding does not make you newlyweds." "You know what?" "You're newlyweds, too." "You need your own space." "Hey, dude, what are these?" "The keys to my trailer-- your new home." "Enjoy." " dr." "Hunt?" " Yes." "I'm louise o'malley." "George's mother." "Of course, of course." "I'm sorry." "I-I didn'T..." "I'm sorry." "It's all right." "I'M... i--well, I hope you don't, uh, mh, mind me coming here to see you." "I know you surgeons are--are very busy people." " My georgie was always saying-- it's no problem." "It's fine." "I'M..." "Having trouble." "I'm having trouble..." "I... and I-I-I think it's because I--I'm having trouble understanding." "Uh, there's a piece of the puzzle missing." "I-I do better when I understand things, how things happen." "And george... my george... the boy I knew, the boy I raised, my boy would never have joined the army." "So I'm trying to understand." "I'm trying to understand that piece of it." "I--I'm trying to understand why georgie wasn't at work that day, why he was on his way to my house to tell me he'd joined the army in wartime." "I don't understand." "And dr." "Webber said I should taito you." "mrs." "O'malley, I didn't know him like you knew him." "I didn't know him long, but he had tremendous potential as a trauma surgeon." "He... he was very fast on his feet, and he could think and act simultaneously under intense pressure." "He had tremendous potential." "And... you know, he was impatient." "He wanted to become better faster." "He wanted to save more lives." "He was good." "And he was thoughtful and generous." "And I think in the end, I think..." "I think he was heroic and noble." "And I liked him very much." "And I think he gave you good reason to be very, very proud." "I'm, uh, headed out." "I just wanted to say goodnight." "Night." "Clara, you just moved-- you moved your fingers." "Like--like you waved." "You waved good-bye." "This is huge." "That's huge?" "That I waved?" "That I waved a finger?" "That'S... that's my life from now on?" "That's the best I have to hope for?" "clara... do you see that woman out there talking to dr." "Hunt?" "We--we buried her son this week." "He had an accident, like you." "He--he wasn't even as bad off as you were, and he didn't make it." "Clara, i know that it doesn't feel like it, but it is a miracle that you lived." "It is a miracle." "So you should call your mom." "She would want to know the truth." "you stupid little bitch." "You really don't get i do you?" "You shoulda let me die." "You had no business." "I've got one working hand." "I may never walk again." "Do you think you're god?" "You had no business." "Your friend is better off." "His mum is better off." "Do you think this is a miracle?" "Who wants to live like this?" "Just let me die." "Just let me die!" " Please just let me die." " clara, clara, you need to stop." " Clara, you need-- just let me die!" "Get off." "Clara--I need some help in here!" "Let me die." "Let me die." "Stop." "Clara, stop." "You have to stop moving." "in medical school, we have a hundred classes that teach us how to fight off death... and not one lesson in how to go on living." "The water yes, my god's gonna trouble the water captioned by closed captioning services, inc." "******** the dictionary defines grief as, "keen mental suffering or distress "over affliction or loss." ""Sharp sorrow." "Painful regret." "" As surgeons, as scientists, we're taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives." "But in life... strict definitions rarely apply." "In life... grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow." "*******" ""You're not missing much." "New york smells like pee." "" God, I hate them." "more pain?" "Your C.T. Results should be back soon." "I'm fine." "You should go home tonight." "You can call off the 24-hour suicide watch, you know?" "Honestly, I'm better now." "I am." "Do you know what I think?" "I think you're using me to avoid moving in with your boyfriend." "am not." "I'll make you a deal-- you move in with your boyfriend, and I'll let you call my mum." "Oh, mean." "Chicken." "okay, uh, clara, the C.T. Shows you have an infection in your small bowel and your colon is inflamed." "It's most likely something you picked up in the water." "But it seems to have formed an abscess, which means you need surgery right away." "No." " Uh, if we don't go-- - no." "No more surgery." "I'm not being cut open again." " Okay, uh-- - no." "You just take a minute." "Take a few minutes." "And I'll come back, and we'll discuss it." "um, start her on pre-op antibiotics and book an O.R." "What are the options?" "Can you givee drugs?" "Can you-- no, you need surgery, but it's a simple procedure." "And if it all goes as planned, you sh-- well, my boat de didn't exactly go as planned." "So tell me, worst case." "Well, uh, worst case is... that we'd have to take out a part of your colon and give you a colostomy bag-- colostomy bag?" "A pooh bag outside your body?" "My granddad had one of those." "It was-- no, but it--it's a small, small possibility." "No pooh bag." "No surgeryno." " The infection will kill you, clara - no." "No more surgery." "We tried pain meds and treated him for pyelonephritis." "But it looks like it could be something more serious, so we did a C.M.G." "You did a C.M.G. For a U.T.I.?" " Why would you even look for something-- - because we were out of ideas." "The C.M.G. Was negative." "So we went back to a possible neurological cause." "So if we could get a better look, if you could give us permission to get a 3-d M.R.I.," " We could maybe, just possibly-- chief, this kid's been in the E.R. Four times in the last three weeks because the pain meds aren't working." " Why can't we just-- sir?" " $5,000, karev." "That's how much either you or dr." "Robbins would have to put up to cover that scan." "Otherwise, you could come with me to my board meeting this afternoon and explain why you're running this hospital like it's a charity." "dude, are you crying?" "I have authority issues." "walk away, karev." " Where do you get off killing my patients, yang?" " Killing your-- when you take it upon yourself to talk that girl out of a lifesaving surgery, you're killing her." "I didn't talk her... she had questions about the surgery." "You left the room." "No, I left the room to give a very fragile, very distraught patient time and space to accept what's being asked of her." "Then and only then would I have discussed the possible risks with," "I'm certain, more tact and sensitivity than you have ever displayed in all the time that I've known you." " She asked-- - no." "I don't care what she ahe asked you." "And if s asks you anything else, your only answer will be, "let me ask my attending." "*******" "" These are good." "Do they sell these in the cafeteria?" "no." "No, those are the cancer pops." "Why do cancer people get all the fun?" "How do you feel, iz?" "I'm not looking forward to the hurling that's about to happen, but I feel okay." "I feel good." "Bailey's on some sort of rampage." "I think it's post-o'malley stress disorder." "she's not dealing with her grief." "You sound like owen's shrink." "Owen's shrink... is withholding sex, so she is grumpy and inappropriate." "Is derek doing that, too, withholding sex?" "Why would derek withhold sex?" "Alex is withholding... everything." "It's like he's afraid, but i don't know what he's afraid of." "He's afraid of the cancer sex." " Cristina!" " He doesn't want to end up with a cancer pop." " Cristina!" " Just shut the hell up." "I'm not contagious, cristina." "I know that." "I would totally have sex with you." "really?" "Nothing?" "You don't even want a drawer?" "no." "How about a toothbrush, change of panties?" " No." " Damn." "I like your panties." "I am trying to focus." "I'm--I'm becoming a resident today." "I need to focus." "I'm right across the street from the hospital." "If you crash here sometimes, you'll get a jump on a lot of surgeries." "Okay, okay." "Which one?" "It's my first day at mercy west, and I want to look nice." "You know, seous, talented, hard-core, not someone you push around." "Nice but hot..." "like me." "That one." "Really?" "I thought this one." "Too hot." "Better for a date." "That one." "Okay." "Here." "Can you--thanks." "okay." "Okay." " Less hot?" " Less hot." "Okay. okay, okay." "Good." "Thanks." "Wish me luck." "Or not luck, 'cause I'm all talented and hard-core." "You're an attending, torres." "Go kick some ass." "so, um... did you forget to mention that your hot, hard-core ex-sex-friend lives right across the hall?" "Did I?" "Yeah, you did." "And it is only under my tenure as chief that seattle grace has grown into one of the most renowned, lauded and sought-after surgical centers in the country." "Replacing me... no." "Disrupting that process would be an epic mistake." "It is for that reason that I stand before you today and say with the utmost confidence that there is no one who understands and cares more about seattle grace than... than me." "look, this is ridiculous." "I'm fine." "It's a sprained ankle, and--and I have a meeting I have to get to." "Look, I said I'm fine." " Chief?" " Torres." "Thank god." "You were in a car accident?" "Oh, it was minor." "I ran a red light." "I was distracted." "I am fine." "Can we make this quick?" "I have a meeting with the board." "Okay." "Let's see." "Ooh, I don't know, sir." "This lac looks pretty deep." "You'll definitely need stitches. and the ankle--oh, yikes." "Yeah." "You could need surgery." "It's--it's a sprain, torres." "you two know each other?" "dr." "Webber and i go way back, huh we worked together for, what was it, five, six years?" "You know, I hate to say it, but you're gonna have to have that lac repaired." "and this being a teaching hospital, not to mention dr." "Mckee's first day, I have to let him work you up." "So you know how to do sutures, right, dr." "Mckee?" "Damn straight." "Great." "Good seeing you, chief." "Look, doc--d-- she's, uh, she's just kidding about this being my first day." "It's, uh, it's my eighth." "What kind of sutures are you using?" " Uh, 3-0 nylon?" " No, no, no." "Use dermabond." "It takes less time and it heals quicker." "Yeah, I know, but, like, budget cuts, you know?" "you like working in this place, doctor, um, mckee?" "I mean, you think it's a strong program?" "Yeahit rocks." "Like, day eight, and I'm doing unsupervised procedures?" "Not too shabby." "Not too shabby." "*****" "Uh, he trained at northwestern and then at harvard." "Uh, he grew up like five miles away from here." "Um, not rich, not poor." "Comfortable and well-loved by his parents, but, um, uh, itching to do something more with his life, which is when he enlisted, at the age of-- cristina, this is not a book report." "I'm trying to explain to dr." "Wyatt that I know things about you." " Cristina-- - wait, wait, wait." "He knows things about me, too, if thas what you're gonna say,'cause we talk." "I mean, we talk all the time." "Honey?" ""honey"?" "Cristina, let me be clear." "It's not just that I want the two of you to get to know each other, it's that I want owen to feel comfortable with you." "Oh, he is comfortable with me." "It's fine." "You can talk to her." "It's fine." "okay." "Cristina, um, he talks to you, he's comfortable with you." "Does he talk to you about his trauma?" "Does owen talk to you about the war?" "Does he talk to you about the incident between you two-- the choking?" "Owen's post-traumatic stress is fed... by his avoidance of talking about anything in the war." "In order to improve, to heal, he's going to have to start talking about it, to you and to me." "And my concern is, if you get lost in the lust of it all, he won't have to make a start." "He won't have any reason to." "He'll feel that he has everything he needs until he doesn'T." "So..." "I'm asking you to wait." "finished." "read it back to me." ""Hi, mom." "Please prepare yourself, "because this is gonna be difficult to read." "I've been in an accident." "" That's not what I said." " "I've suffered terrible injuries and 17 surgeries." " " You can't send that to her." ""Currently, I'm suffering from an abdominal infection,"" "which I've refused to treat, so I'm gonna die soon." ""Please come quickly, mom,"and if I'm gone before you get here, "" " I just wanted to tell you how much I love you"..." " stop it." " "And to thank you for making me from scratch." " " Bitch." "You're a bitch." "I can hit the call button and I can have the nurses in here to take you into surgery, or I can hit "send"--that's the deal." "I will sue you." "I will sue you and this hospital." "No, you won'T." "You'll be dead." "Please." "hello." "The nurses said you called for me?" "This is andy." "Andy michaelson." "I'm sorry." "Have i treated you before?" "dr." "Arizona robbins referred us." "Oh, andy. you're the-- you're the kid with the-- with the thing no one can diagnose." "Yeah, that's us." "okay, so dr." "Robbins sent you here to mercy west because... these are copies of andy's paperwork from seattle grace." "we don't sleep anymore." "We basically just go to the hospital, you know?" "And I don't know what else to do,'cause I feel like a terrible mother." " Mom." " I feel like a terrible mother because I'm supposed to..." " I'm supposed to do something, and I can'T." " Mom." "You know, I didn't go to medical school." "I majored in freakin' history." "Y-you're the doctors, you know?" "You're the doctors." "And basically, all we've been doing up to this point, any of us, all we've been doing is getting my kid strung out on these pain meds." " Mom, stop." " I can't, andy." "I can't stop." "We don't sleep." "He can't sleep." "We can't sleep." "And I'm scared." "And dr." "Robbins said that what she needs for you to give us is a 3-d M.R.I. Of his spine." "And she said you wouldn't want to because there's no indication or whatever, but she says that's what he needs." "Please." "I can't be this useless." "And you know what?" "Neither can you." "Please." "that's a lot of necrotic small bowel." "can you save any of it?" "Yestery I could have." "Yesterday this would've been a simple drainage." "But that was before dr." "Yang threatened my patient with a colostomy that thankfully will not be necessary, because it did not actually involve the colon." "how can I help?" "Oh, you've done enough." "She asked me a question." "I was right to answer it." "I did my job." "A patient asked me to disclose the risks of a surgical procedure, and I am required by law and my oath to do so." "If you know a way to sugarcoat a colostomy bag, I would like to hear it." "If you know a more respectl way to speak to an attending surgeon, I'd like to hear that." "Until you do, you don't talk to me." "You're off my service." "Okay, okay, seriously?" "What is your problem?" "!" "more suits?" "It's freaking people out." "There's talk of downsizing, corporate takeovers, rumors that webber's jumping ship." "You've got the chief's ear." "What's he got planned?" " here's the test." " thank you." "he's retiring." "They're making me chief." " No." " Yeah." " Really?" " yeah." " Really?" " Yep." "I mean, the chief never said anything to me." "I would've fought you hard for that." "Well, I guess if that's what he wants..." "I guess, uh, congratulations are in order." "wait, that was... you're messing with me?" "It's just too easy." "You got a meantreak, you know that?" "Mean." "seriously, what's going on?" "I have no idea." "oh, I have wine-- white and red." "And I have cigarettes, which is awful, I know." "But I only smoke 'em very, very, very occasionally, and it's only when I know I'm gonna be in trouble, like now." "It was inappropriate, not to mention manipulative and stupid." " You smoke?" " I know." "Okay, listen." "I know you have every right to be mad at me, but I ran out of options, so-- it's an expensive test." "There was no indication to do it." "There's a reason webber turned you down!" "So you didn't do it?" "Of course I did it, arizona." " Thank you." " No." "Don't thank me yet." "The scan didn't show anything." "What?" "!" "Come on, nothing?" "No." "Okay, now that." "That looks a little funny to me." "I thought so, too, but the radiologist said it's normal." "oh, okay, all right." "Just... here." "Is there anything peculiar about his hp?" "* I'm gonna let you down gonna toss you around * * gonna make you want everything you haven't found *" "* I'm gonna hold your hand * sorry!" "Sorry." "Just... uh, sorry." "Sorry." "We're sorry." "We'll be sure to clean the countertop." "Uh, you didn't used to do this before, and now it's kind of all the time, everywhere." " And--and I didn't-- - yeah, well, you know, it'S... we're married now and... things have changed a little, but, uh, we're sorry about the countertop." "so you guys are-- you're really-- that's it?" "The post-it, that's for real?" "Yeah, that's for real." "*****" "what you reading?" "Yeah, I got this patient I'm trying to diagnose." "It's driving me nuts." "So take a break." "I miss you." "Well, I'm right here." "No, you're not." "You're here, but you're not here, and I miss you." "Iz, come on." "I'm trying to work." "I'm wishing for a brain tumor." "I'm wishing all the time for a giant tumor that would just press down on my brain and make me hallucinate george..." "so that I could talk to him again, so I could laugh with him again." "I..." "I miss him... so much." "I miss him all the time, and I just want to feel better." "Even for a minute, younow?" "I just want to be a person who isn't wishing for a brain tumor just for one minute." "And I can't drink because of the cancer meds." "I don't do drugs." "I can't even work right now." "I don't have any distractions." "I'm sad... and I miss george." "So please... please... come inside and help me feel better." ""I miss george." Nice." "Real seductive." "*******" "Is, uh, mark around?" "He's in the shower." "Oh, thanks." "Hey, hav have you heard anything about what's happening with the chief?" "There's all these rumors floating around mercy west, like he might be coming to work for us." "That would not go well for me." "I haven't heard anything." "I'll check with derek again." "Can you hand me the shampoo?" "Thank you." "Are you really gay?" "Like, how gay are you, on a scale of--of 1 to gay?" "'Cause that's my boyfriend in--in the shower, my hot, hot, naked boyfriend, and I... ho-how gay are you?" "I'm sorry." "It'S..." "I've known mark a while, and-- but I'll..." "I'll try not to do that again-- the naked in the shower thing." "Or--or the you half-naked in the hallway thing?" "'Cause--'cause even if you really are gay, he--he's not, and--and you're hot." "he doesn't look at my boobs anymore." "The first thing he used to look at when I walked in anywhere was my boobs." "He doesn't look anymore, not since he met you." "Okay?" "Okay." "Shepherd." "You're a hard man to track down." "I'm busy, as you know." "Yeah, scoping out mercy west." "You planning on jumping ship?" "'Cause I assume, as a friend, you would tell me if there's anything I need to know." "Those are rumors, derek." "There are a lot of rumors." "And jennings isn't answering my calls anymore." "Why are you calling jennings, derek?" "I told you I would fill you in when there was something to tell." "If you feel the need to go behind my back, at least do me behind your back?" "Behind your back?" "I'm the one who's got your back." "Don't you forget that." " dr." "Shepherd." " Yes." " Do you have a minute?" " For what?" "A kid with a tethered spinal cord." "I just sat up in the middle of the night, and I thought, tethered spinal cord, but you're not gonna see it on there." "I need to run another test to confirm the diagnosis." "A tethered cord's pretty rare." " Does he have a history of spina bifida?" " No." "Lower back lesions, hyperreflexia?" "No and no, but the pain is aggravated when he extends or flexes his spine." "I know what you're gonna say-- that the tethered cord should've shown up on the M.R.I." "But what if it didn't?" "What if what this kid needs is not another M.R.I." "But a much more specific C.T. Myelogram?" "Maybe." "Order one." "Well, see, I can't, because if I did, I'd get fired... and I really..." "like my job." "Did the chief deny that request?" "several times." "You shoulda led with the part about the chief." "Come on." " You're doing great." " You're up, girl." "I know." "Who would've thought standing could be so hard, right?" " You're doing awesome." " Awesome." " Put me down." " Let's go a couple of more seconds." " You're doing - put me down." "that wagreaT." "Take a sec, and then go again for me, okay?" "No." "I know, clara." "But this is where the hard part begins." "mcdreamy." "I'm sorry?" "I get it now-- the whole, you know, mcdreamy thing." "I didn't--I didn't get it before." "But now I get it." "You know they call you that, right?" "Yes." "I'm involved, by the way, in case you thought that I was just coming on to you, because I was not." "Plus, well, I heard that you got married." "So congratulations." "Yes, thank you." "you wrote some hokey crap on a post-it note in the resident's lounge." "Sorry, but until you're sweating it out in a morning coat with a ball of white taffeta coming at you, you're not really married." "oh, okay." "Well, I've consummated mine." "I consummate mine all the time." "How's that going for you, karev?" "Girls talk." "You might want to consider that the next time you judge my post-it." "I haven't cried yet." "I'm using work and sex as a distraction, and I think it's working for me." "Have you seen the girl--amanda sitting outside the hospital on that bench all day long," " every" " I miss sex." "Oh, I miss it so muchmuch." "What?" " Mer, wh" " I'm worried about clara." "She's depressed." "But like a whole new level of depressed." "I-I don't know what to do." "Are you talking about ceviche?" "That... oh, my god." "That'S... that is so rude." "Ceviche?" "That is so--that--it-- that's rude." "That--that-- that is so rude." "Well, anyone else I can offend?" "A tethered spinal cord?" "One of the threads in his spinal cord is attached to his tailbone." "Normally the spinal cord is free at the end, but with it attached, when you grew, it started pulling." "Thus the excruciating pain." "So can we fix it?" "Is it fixable?" "It's a microsurgery." "I'll snip the tethered cord, and he'll be free of pain." "she's not normally like this." "before all this, she was, like, a normal mom." "andy, this is a normal mom." "are we waiting for dr." "Swender?" "No." "dr." "Swender has handed you off to me." "Wh-what are you, like, second year?" "Third." "That's, um... can we page dr." "Swender or something?" "Stevens, this is a good thing." "It is." "You still have cancer, but not enough to interest dr." "Swender anymore." "It is a good thing." "You're saying I have J.V. Cancer?" "I'm saying your mets have shrunk way down, and there are no new ones." "Your protocol is working very effectively." "Stevens." "This is about as good as the news gets." "Um... so what-- what now?" "We're gonna use the port in your chest to continue with your I.L. -2 regimen for now." "And we'll continue monitoring the progression of your disease with pet-scans every three to six months." "Is there, uh, some kind of timeline on this or... your wife is living with cancer, dr." "Karev." "Right now the cancer has stopped growing." "With a cancer this aggressive, that's pretty stunning success." "There's no timeline." "There's just... we watch it." "We wait." "We hope it doesn't start to grow again." "That's it?" "that's it." "DAY 37" "I see contractions in the anterior tibialus." "okay." "That's the nerve root, not the filum." "Bipolars and the microscissors, please." "Want to make the cut?" "No." "I-I don't need to." "You know, without you, this kid probably would've been a chronic pain patient and possibly addicted to pain meds." "He owes his entire future to you." "You should make the cut." "Okay?" "Okay." "Put the scissor in." "there." "Nicely done." "clara, dr." "Grey says you're still refusing your physical therapy." "Now I understand it's hard." "But you have to rk these muscles now, or they will atrophy and they'll heal incorrectly." "Clara, you gotta do the work." "You know, you've just got to do the work now." "clara, I know what it is to not want to live, to wish that you'd died, to lose everything... to not want to... call your mother." "Believe it or not, I know exactly what that is." "I have been there." "But I am back now." "and as impossible as it felt, eventually..." "I came back." "And so can you." "But you have got to do the work." "you have to get her admitted to psych." "Committed?" "You want me to have her committed?" "There's nothing more we can do." "You have to make that call." "People are calling you "ceviche." " dr." "Grey, you" " I mean, that's, you know... you can't go out like that, clara, with people calling you ceviche." "Ceviche?" "Yeah, it--it's a meal." "It'S... peruvian, I think." "I... it's chopped up fish." "that is really horrible, isn't it?" "it is." "It'S..." "it's--it's horrible." "DAY 39" "I didn't expect this." "They say "cancer," they say "stage iv," you expect to die." "And then you start thinking, well, maybe I can kick it." "Maybe I'll be the miracle." "Well, you are the miracle." "I'm still living with cancer." "You know, I just... you don't expect that." "Isn't that the girl that george saved?" "Amanda." "Yeah." "What is she doing here?" "Oh, she sits there, every day, all day." "Oh, for god sakes." "Where--where what get up." "I mean it, get up." "Get up." "now go get a life." "I can'T." "George was a surgeon." "He had a purpose." "He wanted to save lives." "And now he doesn't get the chance." "Now he doesn't get the chance to do anything anymore, but you do." "You could go to medical school, you know?" "You uid hang out with your freakin' friends." "I don't care what you do." "Just go do something with your life, because you have one." "You lived." "You lived and george didn'T." "And I know." "I..." "I know... that that feels horrible and shocking... and terrifying." "But you lived." "So go live your freakin' life." "I..." "I don't know how." "Nobody does." "Nobody knows how." "But god, have enough respect for george to figure it out." "'Cause if I see you sitting on this bench ever again," "I will kick your ass from here to sunday." "I can't get back on bailey's service." "I mean, she's still not even looking at me." "You just gotta give it time." "You know, she was close with o'malley, and she's working-- yeah, but the thing is, it's not even about o'malley." "I mean, she's mad at me about ceviche." "you gotta stop that." "Ceviche?" "Oh, it's a--it's a patient." "A boating accident victim." "She thinks that it's okay to call her a seafood dish." " It's a delicious peruvian dish." " I mean, is that is that okay?" "Well, it's pretty dark." "Oh, come on." "I'm dark?" "I'm not the one gog around choking people in their sleep." "What?" "too soon?" "I'm not the guy going around choking people in their sleep." " I know." " It was a dream." "I..." "I can't remember what I was dreaming about, but..." "I was trying to save my own life." "I wasn't trying to hurt you." "I was..." "I was fighting for my life." "Okay." "you made a start." "You made a start." "you have it, clara." "You have it." "You've got this." "yeah, girl." " I did it." " You did it." "I did it." "Lexie." "Will you call my mum?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "okay, come on. come on." "Good. yeah." "You got it." "grief may be a thing we all have in common... but it looks different on everyone." "Hey" "it isn't just death we have to grieve." "It's life... it's loss... it's change." "and when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad... the thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime... what is this?" "Take off your pants." "Iz, it's, uh... be my husband." "Get undressed, get into bed and hold me." "I don't know what you're so mad about a nd I don't know what you're scared of because you won't talk to me." "But I'm scared, too, alex, and I-I can't--if you won't-- if we're gonna have any chance at a life together, then I need you to... please." "You died in my arms." "You freakin' died and then you left instructions that I wasn't allowed to save your life." "You want to know what I'm scared of?" "I'm scared of everything!" "I'm scared to move!" "I'm scared to breathe!" "I'm scared to touch you!" "I can't lose you." "I won't survive." "And that's your fault." "You made me love you, you made me let you in, and then you freakin' die in my arms!" "that's how you stay alive." "When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive... miranda." "by remembering that one day, somehow... impossibly... it won't feel this way." "It won't hurt this much." "look, I..." "I am an attending, and I am a single mother, and I lost o'malley... and, um..." "I just can't" " I-I can't care anymore." "Stevens is not my child." "O'malley was not my child." "I have to stop treating..." "I..." "I just have to stop caring so much." "'cause I can't keep fe-- feeling like this, n-not at work." "I have to save the feeling for my son, who needs it." "So I just can't keep giving it away he." "I c--I won'T." "grief comes in its own time for everyone... in its own way." "so the best we can do... the best anyone can do... is try for honesty." "I don't want to hurt you again." "my problems, they're real." "And this, this makes us real." "It makes my problems your problems." "I'afraid." "I don't want to hurt you again." "you can sleep in the bathtub." "what?" "the really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief, is that you can't control it." "what are you doing?" "We need the space." "the best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes... hey." "Thank you." "I was stuck with this intern today." "It took him four tries to throw in a central line." "Reminded me a little bit of george, actually, when he was an intern." "and let it go when we can." "meredith." "the very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again" "and always, every time..." "george o'malley died." "it takes your breath away." "DAY 40 there are five stages of grief." "They look different on all of us, but there are always five..." "I know you all have heard a lot of rumors." "And I'm sorry for that." " denial..." " and what I'm about to say will be hard to hear, and I'm sorry for that as well." "anger... the economic climate is... well, you all know what it is." "In the coming weeks, seattle grace hospital will be merging with mercy west." "bargaining..." "I wish I could tell you you will all survive the merger, but there are only so manyobs, and the board and I have some tough choices to make." "depression..." "I'm on your side, people." "I'm rooting for every onof you." "All I can say is, please... be at your very best." "acceptance."