"Oh, dear, nanny goats and petticoats." "I'm a caution." "Yes, you certainly are." "Tell me, what is the secret of your lovely complexion?" "Well, I..." "I use saddle soap." " I see." " Yes." "Yes." "If I'm not being too personal, Ophelia..." " Yeah?" " How old are you?" "Oh, I'm, uh, a girl my age." " A girl your age." " Yeah." " And how old is that?" " 28." "28." "I thought you were a little bit older than that." "Well, I knocked off a few years for good behavior." "I don't care for that." "It's kid stuff." "Well, we're awfully glad you came to our party." " Did you have fun?" " Oh, yes, indeedy." "I thought Charlie made a pig of himself with that chocolate cake." " Oh, you're quite right." " Yes, I am." "Yes." "I agree with you." " Well, good night, Luana." " Good night, Ophelia." "Bonne nuit, Mortimer." " Ma'am?" " Bonne nuit." "Oh, yes, ma'am." "Yeah, yeah." "Bonni..." "Bonni..." "Bonni-wee." " Good night, Charlie." " Good night." "You know, Ophelia, you look so sweet." "What'd you say?" " I said I think you look so sweet." " Yes." " I'm going to kiss you good night." " Oh, help, help, help, help." "Isn't that a wonderful trick?" "Yes, it is." "Yes." "I wish I could enjoy my first childhood as much as he does his second." "Now, Luana, how would you like another piece of cake?" " Or some ice cream?" " No, thank you." "I'm full up." "Some candy?" " Care for a cigar?" " Me?" "How about you, Mortimer?" "Mortimer?" " Uh..." "I don't smoke." " I don't mean that." "Well, what shall we do now?" "Any suggestions?" "How would you like to go down to the city dump and watch me slug rats?" "Certainly not." "How would you like to hear me tell a story?" "Oh, I'd love it." "Wouldn't you, Charlie?" "Well, I, uh... no." "This is a story that everyone should know." "Yes, but not everyone should tell it." " And you know who." " I'm going to tell it anyway." " Now many, many years ago..." " I think I'll run out and wind a sundial." " You'll stay right here." " Yes, sir." "Once upon a time, long, long ago..." "Funny, nothing ever happens nowadays." "...there was a place called Happy Valley." "Now it was called Happy Valley because everyone who lived there... was happy." "No." "Well, there's a hunk of logic for you." " Are you listening, Mortimer?" " Uh..." "Happy Valley?" "That's right, yes." "Now just try and imagine it." "Can't you just close your eyes and see it?" "Well, I can't see very good with my eyes closed." "My eyelids get in the way." "Well, you create a picture in your mind's eye." "Oh." "That's not easy for him." "His mind gets in the way." "Now try and paint a mental picture." " I painted a barn once, I did." " That's very interesting." "Yeah." "It was... it was a red barn, it was, yeah." " Forget the barn." " Yeah." " Try and picture Happy Valley." " Well, I'll-I'll work on it." " That's the spirit." " Yeah, yeah." "I'll work on it." "Let's see, uh..." "Well, let's see now, it's, uh..." "Oh, I'd say it's about, uh..." " What was the question?" " Happy Valley." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "That's right." "Yeah." " Let's see, uh..." " Think hard." "Yeah." "Let's see, uh," "Oh, I'm tired." "All that work for nothing." " Can I try?" " Certainly." "Yes, I think I can see it, Mr. Bergen." "It's beautiful." "Yes, it was one of nature's garden spots, nestled among the green, rolling hills." "Can't you see the lovely brook as it flows through the valley?" "Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah." "The winding roads lined with stately trees." "Trees, yeah." "Lush fields and prosperous farms dot the landscape." "Landscape, yeah." "And high on a hilltop overlooking the valley," " shining like a jewel stands..." " The red barn." "No, no." "It was something much nicer." " It was a majestic castle." " Oh, that's pretty." "Something very precious is kept within these castle walls." "What is it?" "It's a magic singing harp." "Listen." "My" "What a happy day" "What a sunny sky Kind of makes you sigh" "In a happy way" "What a very merry day All the world is gay" "When your cares are light And your heart takes flight" "And you're swept away" "The air is sweet with clover The clouds are turning over" "Oh, yes, they're turning over Just to show their silver lining" "My, what a happy day Never knew such bliss" "Never read of this in a book or play" "What a lovely day" "What a great big gorgeous, sumptuous, thumping, bumptious" "Hum-galumptious, simply scrumptious" "My, what a happy day" "M" " M-My, what a happy day" "Never knew such bliss" "Never read of this in a book or play" "What a lovely day" "What a great big gorgeous, sumptuous, thumping, bumptious" "Hum-galumptious, simply scrumptious" "Oh, my, oh, my What a happy day" "Yes, the voice of this golden harp cast a magic spell ofjoy and prosperity over the valley." "But it was too good to last." "I knew there was a catch in it." " For one day..." " They built a schoolhouse." "No, no." "One day, a mysterious shadow crept over the valley." "And then something dreadful happened." "What happened?" "When the shadow lifted, the golden harp was gone." "No longer was the valley happy, for without the magic of the harp, all was misery." "Misery, misery." "Just like the eighth grade." "Desolation spread over the land." "Everything was drying up." " Dry rot." " Yes, isn't it?" " Charlie." " Yes, sir." "The fields of golden corn turned to dust." "Kerplop." "The laughing brook flowed no more." "To think that this was once Happy Valley." "Now it's Gruesome Gulch." "Days pass, weeks pass..." "I pass." "You deal." "What happened to all the people?" "Suppose we look in on these humble peasants." " Is that a peasant?" " That's a cow, stupid." "Well, at least they had milk." "Well, she used to be a good milker, but now..." "She's an udder failure." "She was the bosom friend of a once-proud family." "Well, they're certainly out of the high-rent district." "There they are." "Three poor farmers gripped by pangs of starvation." "Still alive, still breathing." "Sharing a pitiful crust between them." "Share and share alike." "Sharing and staring." "Staring and sharing." "Just tell it." "Don't ham it." "But are their spirits broken?" "Have they lost hope?" "Yes." "Men facing famine." "Naught left but beans." "Bean, you mean." "If it were one man and three beans..." "But, no." "One bean and three men." "Well, at least there are no bones in it." "Just look at that miserable creature." "Doggedly struggling to maintain life." "A gaunt, lean bag of bones and feathers." "Truly a picture of despair." "But Donald doesn't whimper." "Donald doesn't give up." "Shut up!" "I can't stand it!" " Donald, take it easy!" " Easy, Donald." "There." "There now." "There." "Easy, boy." "I'll be all right." "Yeah, I'll be all right." "I'll be all right." "He says he's all right, but I wonder." "He's suffered too much." "What diabolical thought is being hatched in the fevered brain of this poor, demented duck?" "Donald!" "No!" "No!" "Nice pussy, pussy." "Nice old cowsy-wowsy." "Donald!" "Donald!" "No, Donald!" "Give it here!" "I just..." "I just gotta eat." "I'm so hungry." "The little fella was completely out of his head." " Cut it out." "I get the idea." " It was a pitiful sight." " Weeks without food." " Whoa." " Poor Donald." " Yeah, poor me." "It was all they could do to restrain him." "You see, he had just about reached the end of his rope." " Yeah." " It was a sorry predicament indeed." "What to do?" "What to do?" "Well, Donald may be nuts, but he's got the right idea." "Kill the cow." "Oh, no, Charlie." "The cow is their best friend." "Well, a friend in need is a friend indeed." " So what?" " So, they need some steak." "No." "If you're gonna kill the cow," "I don't wanna hear the rest of the story." "Well, she wouldn't have to know." "They could sneak up on her and surprise her." " That's what we'll do." "We'll kill the cow." " Oh, no, Charlie." "You mustn't." "We'll get a stranglehold on her while she's asleep and-and-and push her off a cliff." " Oh, no." " I ain't gonna listen to the story." "Well, it'll be your fault if they starve to death." " Why don't they sell the cow?" " That's just what they did." "Why didn't you say so in the first place and save a lot of time?" "I could save a lot of time by not telling the story at all." "Your idea is not without merit." "Well, back to the scene of desolation." "Now things are beginning to look much brighter now, because as Mickey goes to the village to sell the cow, the thought of prosperity brings new hope to the famished farmers." "Even Donald has fully recovered, for soon their long, empty plates will overflow with food." "Hey, look." "Turkey, lobster, sweet potater pie" "Clam cakes piled up till they reach the sky" "I wanna eat meat, meat, meat, meat, meat until I die" "Turkey, lobster, sweet potater pie" "Clam cakes piled up till they reach the sky" "Lots of starches, lots of greens" "Fancy chocolate-covered..." "Beans!" "What do you mean, beans?" "Yeah, fellas." "I sold the cow for some magic beans." "Beans?" "!" "But, Donald, these are not ordinary beans." "They're magic beans." "If you plant these beans in the light of a full moon, you know what'll happen?" "Yes!" "We'll get more beans!" " Oh, no, Donald!" " Magic beans!" "Phooey!" "Poor Mickey." "Cheated into trading his cow for a handful of beans." "What a mean trick." "Swindling an innocent farmer out of all he owned." "And lying to him." "Telling him that the beans were magic." "Planted in the light of a full moon." "What a shame to deceive a simple, little peasant." "Magic beans indeed." "Light of a full moon..." "Bergen." "Oh, Bergen?" " What?" " There's something moving." "Why, yes." "Well, maybe there is some magic in them." "All right, now, let's all keep quiet and see what happens." "And all through the night it grew." "Onward and upward." "That thing is a menace to aviation." "And so with the coming of dawn, we find the bewildered farmers staring at a mammoth castle, miles above the earth." "Their curiosity was aroused." "Nothing could hold them back." "Who lives there?" "Man or monster?" "Friend or foe?" "A princess or a dragon?" "Well, search me." "What drew them toward this place of mystery?" "Hunger?" "Desperation?" "Or perhaps it was love of adventure." "What a fantastic experience." "Perhaps mortal man has never before set foot on this strange land." "Well, somebody did." "Oh, gosh, who made them?" "Well, it wasn't Cinderella." "Soon they reached the moat surrounding the castle." "But this didn't stop them." "On they went as if drawn by some irresistible force." "And then suddenly, without warning, out of the sky above..." "Ooh, dragonflies." "Yeah, a fly in front and dragon behind." "Gee, what whoppers." "Yeah." "Whoppers." "Come back and fight!" "Finally they reached the castle." "The hard way." "This was the biggest adventure of their lives." "Forgotten was their hunger." "Forgotten was their fear." "It took courage to scale these massive steps." "To make this journey into the unknown." "But these stout-hearted lads never faltered." "Three minds with but a single thought." "What mystery lurked within those cold, forbidding walls?" "What strange spell hovered over this gloomy place?" "Will no one answer?" "Are they walking into a trap?" "Do they go in?" "You know, you could stand some rehearsal on this story." "Inside, the tremendous hall was as silent as a tomb." "Not a sign of life anywhere." " Caught with his pants..." " Charlie." " Caught with his pants..." " Charlie." "Well, his slip was showing." "They gazed in speechless wonder, almost afraid to breathe." "Suddenly they looked up." "What was it?" "Food!" "Yum-yum-yum-yum." "Let me at it!" "Oh, who's there?" "Who is it?" " That's the harp." " Boy, oh, boy." " How'd you get here?" " I was kidnapped by that wicked giant." "Oh." "Ha." "A giant?" " A giant?" " A giant?" "A giant!" " Bigger than 40 men." " Oh, no." "An ogre who had the power to turn himself into anything:" "Man or beast." "That calls for a drink." "It was this heartless monster that swooped down under cover of darkness, carried off the golden harp and brought ruin to Happy Valley." "No." "I'm a giant." " You are not." "You're nothing of the kind." " Well, I'm a small giant." " No, you're not." " I'm tougher than 40 men." " You're not." " Well, 20 men." " No." " No?" "10 men?" "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" " Why do you act like that?" " I don't know." "I guess it's just a stage I'm going through." "Well, take off that moustache..." " Go over there and behave yourself." " Yes, sir." "Everything I do is wrong." "But why did the giant want to steal the harp?" "He was cruel and selfish." "He didn't care what happened to the valley." "He just wanted someone to sing him to sleep." "Why didn't he turn on the radio?" "Well, they didn't have radios in those days." "Yeah, that's why they called it Happy Valley." "What did the giant look like?" "Well, he was, oh..." "I'll try and show you." "He looked something like this." "Looks like my pig, Snedley." "Never mind the self-portraits." "No, that isn't right." "He looked more like..." "More like this." "There he is now." "And the giant came home for dinner roaring drunk." " I was not!" " I mean, he was not." " No." "Down the castle hall he came, roaring:" "Fee!" "Fi!" "Fo!" "Fum!" "Fee, fi, fo, fum He, hi, ho, hum" "I'm a most amazing guy A most amazing guy am I" "Fee, fi, fo, fum He, hi, ho, hum" "I'm the stuff, I'm telling you For here's what I can do" "I can change myself into an elf" "Fly up high like the birdies" "I can disappear into atmosphere" "Peek-a-boo." "'Cause I know the magic wordies" "Fi, fo, fe, foy Fe, fe, fe, fe" "Fifi?" "I don't know no Fifi." "Those are his magic words, you know." "Fee!" "Fi!" "Fo!" "Fum!" "I smell..." "You're telling us." "Wait." "He may be smarter than he looks." "Oh, I hope he doesn't find 'em." "Hey, giant, you're getting warm." "Well, don't tell him." " Behind the jar, stupid." " Charlie!" "Pot roast!" "Chocolate pot roast!" "With stispacio..." "With dismashnee..." "With dismash..." "With green gravy." "Feedee." "Fidee." "Fodee." "Fum!" "Gesundheit." "Oh, no, you don't!" "You can't get away from Willie!" "I got ya!" "I think I got ya." "Yeah, I got ya." " Willie!" " What?" "He'll have to talk fast to get out of this one." "No, you leave it to Mickey." "Just watch." "10, 20, 30, 40..." "Boy, what a life line." "But what's this here?" "What is it?" "What is it?" "!" " Uh-uh." "I can't believe it." " Is it bad?" "Why, it says here that you can change yourself into anything." "Sure." "Sure." "You wanna see me?" "I can change myself into the darndest things." "Go on." "Give me something." "Anything." " Anything?" " Anything." "See?" "Mickey never misses a trick." "He's got a good idea." "Well, uh, can you change into a fly?" "A cute, teeny-weeny, itsy-bitsy housefly?" "That's it." "A housefly." "Aw, you don't want a fly." "How about a bunny with long, pink ears?" "Ha." "Well, of course, if you can't do a fly, why, uh..." "All right." "A fly." "Why?" "!" "Well..." "They're, uh..." "Because." "OK." "A teeny-weeny fly." "With pink wings." "Now for the magic words." "Fee, fi, fo, fum He, hi, ho, hum" "I'm the most amazing guy Tee, ti, tee, ti, tee, ti" "You sure you don't want a pink bunny?" "Hey, what is this?" "You think you fooled Willie." "A couple more good ideas like that and they're finished." "Well, I'll admit the little fellas are in a bad fix." "But Mickey isn't one to give up without a struggle." "And with a little luck, they may still pull through." "This isn't the first time Mickey's been in a tight spot." "Anybody wanna buy a tall, thin mouse?" "No, thank you." "I mean, no." "Yes, things look pretty dark for the prisoners." "Looks like their goose is cooked." "No, fate may yet deal them a winning hand." "Don't forget." "There's still the magic harp." "She knows the giant's weakness." "She could be my weakness." "There might still be a chance of escaping, if she could only use her magic voice to put the giant to sleep." "If she can't, I know who can." "Let's all be quiet now and see." "In my favorite dream" "Everyone is so delightful" "No one's mean or spiteful" "In my favorite dream" "Yes, and in my favorite dream" "There my heart can go romancing" "Dancing to a heavenly theme" "But there's something else I look forward to" "It's a secret But here's a clue" "He's my favorite" "You know who" "You're the hero of" "My most favorite dream..." "Oh, forgive me." "In his right vest pocket You'll find the key" "The right vest pocket Go carefully" "I'll smash..." "I'll smash..." "Hello?" "Nightmare." " He made it!" " He did?" "Here he comes with the key." "Let me have it, Mickey!" "Well, it looks like success at last." "Free from the clutches of that terrible monster." "And now to find the beanstalk." "Climb down and return home in triumph." "With a big surprise for Happy Valley." "But, wait, Mickey's going to make doubly sure." "He's taking no chances." "Just in case the giant... might wake up!" "Should have left well enough alone." "Come back here!" "Come back here!" "And there goes the giant." "He's helpless now, tumbling over and over and over." "Down, down, down, down." "And so with the passing of the wicked giant," "Happy Valley echoed once again with song and laughter." "For with the return of the magic harp, peace and prosperity reigned throughout the land." " And the people of the valley..." " We know." "...lived happily ever after." "You're a wonderful storyteller, Mr. Bergen." "Isn't he, Charlie?" "Simply thrilling." "You're even better than the old-fashioned sleeping pill." " What's the matter, Mortimer?" " The poor giant got killed, that he did." "I don't like them sad endings." "Oh, now, you don't understand." "Willie was a nice giant, he was." "He just got too big for his britches." " But you don't understand..." " No, no, no." "Don't touch me." "I'll be all right." "Oh, excuse me." "What I'm trying to explain is that Willie the Giant didn't actually exist." " No?" " No." "He's a metaphysical phenomenon of your subconscious mind." "A phantasmagoria of your mental faculty." "In other words, just a figment of your imagination." "No!" "Yeah." "So there's nothing to be upset about." "Hey." "Has anybody seen anything of a teensy-weensy little mouse?" "No, I-I-I..." "Oh, Mr. Bergen!" "Bergen, speak to me." "Speak to me." "What's the matter with him?" "Something he ate?" "No, it's, uh, it's a fig... figmentation of his imagination." " No." " Yeah." "Well, uh, good night, Willie." "Don't slam the roof." "You might wake Mr. Bergen." "Now some folks don't believe in giants" "Castles up above" "And others say that there's no talk and never fall in love" "If you really wanna find Happiness, peace of mind" "Believe in all your dreams and you will see" "You'll be full of fun and fancy" "Free and full of" "Fun and fancy free"