" What did you do?" " I treated you women very badly." "You dirty, filthy beast!" "You little horror!" "Like she needs you, Michael, and she needs to have total faith in you." "I mean, why would you destroy all that just to clear" " your own conscious?" " I can't do that while I'm hiding an inconvenient truth of my own." "There are four betting shops in Hoar Cross Road." "No bank, no post office, no chemist." "But four betting shops." "Why four, when everyone round there is skint?" "In a week or two, my boss is going to find out." "Please don't kill yourself." "I will show you how to atone." "Promise me you won't kill yourself?" "You were a bloody awful mother!" "And you, a horrible son!" "To scream at your child like that!" "To make your hatred so obvious!" "Your bed, a disgrace!" "You dirty, little horror!" "My dad's not here, cos life with you, that was his purgatory." "You are here!" "What a hypocrite you are." "Yeah!" "Hypocrite or no, I'd never destroy my own child!" "Not a child, a dog!" "A dirty, stinking dog!" " Something wrong with you!" " It were no big thing." "Something seriously wrong with you!" "If you don't want to see me again, you tosser, fine!" "Everyone said it! "That Michael Kerrigan, what a headcase he is!"" " You were two sluts!" " You meant nothing, nothing to me!" "Yeah, you were two sluts, you were!" "You especially, chewing all the way through it!" ""Don't go near that prick," that's what we told each other." "Yeah?" "What did you expect?" "How can anyone have respect for two little sluts like you?" "All that ever mattered to you was that!" "Who wants to bring up an arrogant child?" "Hey?" "Slightest sign, you knock it out of them." "Always at it." "Trouble is, you knock out confidence, and ambition and pride and selfesteem!" "Always at it." "You made me a selfloathing wreck!" "But that's OK, cos I was not arrogant!" " You're going to have to save me." " What with, you pillock?" " "What with?"" " Yeah." "Can you stop talking over the table, for God's sake?" "Hey, hey!" "You talk over the table." "I don't." "No, you don't." "I don't." " Shut it, Saint Bloody Michael." " But every time I've got a decent" " chance of winning a hand, you do." " You know what I've got, don't you?" "Yeah." " Yeah, right, well, then I repeat... save me." "And I repeat... what with?" "You've got the ace of spades!" "Why are you telling everybody what you've got?" "I mean, where's the skill in that?" "I gave him three cards at the beginning of this game and then you gave me three cards." "Same bloody cards, different colour!" "The whole point of playing cards is you don't know what each other's got." "I mean, what's the point in playing if you don't..." " You cheating shit!" " Where's the skill, where's the pleasure?" "I can't lose." "Leave." " You've had it, anyway." " That's it, he's home." "You cheating get!" "You need to calm down a bit you do, I'll tell you that." "Anyway, I've got to get off." " Mam'll be all right." "Beth's with her." " Give me that here." "It's just that she's been with her all day, so she'll want to get off." "All right." "And give my regards." "Yeah." " Don't forget your money." " Take it steady out there." " See you." " Enjoy your winnings." " Hi." " Hiya, forgot my key." "Michael's here, Mam." "Hiya, Mam." "Be up soon!" "How is she?" "Not good." "She won't tell you that, but she's not good." "Right." " Who won?" " Guess." " Bye, Mam!" "Bye." " See you, tara." "It was the night Joe played in the Sheffield and Hallamshire final, and those two coppers came for my dad." "He hadn't paid a fine or something." "Court order." "Anyway, the last thing our Joe sees before he disappears up the street is Dad getting marched down it by these two coppers." "But they only take him to the bottom and they let him go." "Anyway, Dad comes back and I said, "Why did they let you go?"" "And he says, "You can't get blood out of a stone, son."" "But our Joe hadn't seen any of this." "He thinks Dad's in the nick." "So, we're up in the stands at Bramall Lane, me and me dad, floodlights and everything." "And the teams come out." "And I'm desperate for Joe to see that Dad's with me, so I'm shouting out "Joe!" "Joe!"" "But Joe can't see, because of the floodlights." "He can hear me, but he can't see me." "So I start shouting, "Me Dad's here!" "Me Dad's here!"" "And everyone in the stand's looking round at me, thinking what" "I'm going on about." "But I don't care, just so long as our Joe don't have to play the biggest game of his life thinking me dad's in the nick." ""Me Dad's here!" "Me Dad's here!"" "Mum!" "They're ruined." "Actually ruined!" "Dickhead." "You're paying for them!" "Mum told me to do the washing and I have." "He did it on purpose." "He did it on purpose!" " No, I never!" " You did!" "You so did!" "I said, "Separate the whites," didn't I?" "Didn't I say?" "I did!" "I made a pile of them, but they must have been rolled up somewhere." "Mum, tell him." "Where you going?" "School." " Without eating?" " I'll get something there." "Why did you tell him to do the washing anyway?" "Because he has to learn." "But he can't even wash himself." "Shut your face, right now!" "I'm not doing it any more, and if you've any sense, neither should you." "So he has to learn." "They have to learn." "Come here." "There he is." "He's a good boy." " Where are you going?" " Work." " What, you not giving me a lift?" " No." "Why didn't you say?" "Make sure everything's locked." "What?" "What's she doing?" "I don't know." "What are you doing?" "Brothers and sisters, let us acknowledge our sins." "And so prepare ourselves to celebrate the sacred mysteries." "'You're a thief, Kerrigan." "'A thief!" "'" "What is he, boys?" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "Thief!" "A thief!" "The school stopped asking me for dinner money, so I stopped asking my mam for it." "Went on for over a year and then they realised their mistake, and asked me what I'd done with all the money." "I said I'd spent it." "Better to be thought a thief than a pauper." "Yeah." "Is that a sin?" "I confess to Almighty God..." "And to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do." "Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault." "Therefore, I ask blessed Mary, evervirgin, all the angels and saints and you, my brothers and sisters." "Bernadette Jenkins is here." "She gets the results of her scan Tuesday morning, so she's asked us to remember her in our prayers." "And Helen Oyenusi's with us again today, which reminds me to remind you of tonight's candlelit vigil outside" "Laurel Road Police Station." "All are welcome." "Including police officers, Andrew." "No implied criticism here." "Hello, Michael Kerrigan." "It's Roz Demichelis, Michael." "How are you?" "Good, yeah, you?" "Yeah, I'm good, thank you." "What's that?" "Microwave." "I'm doing Singapore noodles." "Is there no end to this man's talents?" "Listen, I can see into my boss's office." "He's on the phone." "There's a cheque on his desk for £1,900, payable to Elaine Coombs." "But there is no Elaine Coombs." "Elaine Coombs is me." "If he's on to accounts, and I think he is, he'll be getting told that there are well over 100 similar cheques, payable to Elaine Coombs." "All signed by me." "Totals £232,648." "I think he just said, "I can't believe it."" "I think he said it again." "He's getting off the phone." "He's coming out, he's coming over." "So, yeah, so, I think that would be..." "Can I see you in the office, Roz?" " Yeah." "Just finish this call." " Yeah." "Not to put too fine a point on it, Michael, but I am fucked." "Can I help?" "Can I come and see you?" "Yes." "When?" "Well, he's going to sack me, so I've got the rest of the day free." "Unless he calls the police, but I'm going to ask him to defer that till tomorrow." "So... this afternoon?" "Yeah, three o'clock?" "Yeah." "I'll see you then." "Enjoy your noodles." "What is it?" "I'm hoping you can sort something out, Roz." "I'm praying you can sort it out." "I'll do my best." "Take a look at this." "A cheque's been returned." " Why?" " No date." "Who's Elaine Coombs, Roz?" "Me." "At least one cheque a month." "All for just under two grand so they don't need countersigning." "How much altogether?" " Didn't they tell you?" " They can only go back six years." "I assume you've been at it longer than that." "Eight years altogether." "£232,648." "Why?" " I'm a thief." " No, no, no." "Why?" "Why did you steal from me?" "What made you do it?" " You want the truth?" " Yeah." " The idiotic truth?" " Yes." "Coke." "Nah." "No, large gin and tonic, you're off your head." "You snort 230K's worth of coke, I'd notice." "It's gone, Jamie." "I lived the good life for a while and now it's all gone." "You're lying!" "You look good, Roz." "You always look good." "But I don't believe you've spent 250,000 on yourself over the last few years." "You've lived in the same house since the day you married that gobshite." "Your last holiday was a fortnight in Windermere, which doesn't exactly count as an exotic holiday." "You've got a company car!" "So where's all this money?" "It's gone." "You pay me it back..." "I don't phone the police." "You're sacked, yeah, but no police involved." "You don't pay me back... you go down, Roz, and you go down for years." "And if you think it's worth it, if you think you can just do a few years, come out with 200 grand stashed away somewhere, well think again." "Cos they'll be all over you like a rash." "They'll go through everything, Roz." "Every penny you've spent, every bloody postage stamp you bought!" "They won't let you away with a carrot!" "They'll find nothing." "And I'll do my bit too, cos I want my money back." "I want every single penny back... and I won't rest till I've got it." "I'll be watching you like a hawk." "It's all gone, Jamie." " It can't all be gone!" " Please, not my face." "230 grand she's robbed, this thieving bitch!" "230 grand!" "Police, please." "Can I ask you to wait till tomorrow, Jamie?" "What?" " I've got things to do tonight." " What kind of things?" " Things." " Tough." "With the kids." "I have things with the kids." "Thank you." "Then he told them that I was the thieving bitch who'd robbed 200 grand off him." "And I wished he had punched me." "You think he's calling out there?" "Yeah." "I do too." "There are lots of different versions of the stations of the cross." "Some have Christ falling three times, some just once." "But some end with Christ entombed, some with him rising." "But no matter what version you're looking at... there's one that's never there, and that's Christ calling out, on the cross, in despair, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"" "I think that's because they can't handle it." "Christ, the Son of God, in despair." "What chance have we got?" "But I'd always have that one." "He knew despair, he understands." "You know, one of the last people he spoke to alive, Roz, was a common thief." "He'll speak to you." "He'll be saying, right up to the very end," ""Choose hope, not despair."" ""Life, not death."" "Is there any way you can pay it back?" "Have you got any money tied up in the house?" "No." "Convince the judge you can pay it back." "You see, you'd be looking at three years rather than four or five." "You do half, don't forget." "Get three years, that's only 18 months." "And it's white collar, so you'll spend most of it in an open prison." "How do you know all that?" "Internet." "I'm grateful, Michael." "I am." "But I'm not going to prison." "I'm afraid." "Why?" "I mean, why now?" "You've done the hardest bit, you've faced him and told him." "No, that's not the hardest bit." "It's everyone knowing." "Neighbours, friends, all wetting themselves with glee." "You said that you've lived with shame, Michael, but you haven't." "It's guilt that you've lived with." "Guilt over the way you treated those women." "Tell the world and then that's shame." "Did you tell him it went on machines?" " No." " Why not?" "I'd sooner him despise me than pity me." "Yeah." "Would you fuck me, Michael, please?" "What?" "I think you heard." "I can't." "I'm sure it would be a wonderful experience, but I can't." "I'll be dead tomorrow, so nobody would know." "I'll be dead tomorrow, so it's the least you can do." "It's the least any gentleman can do." "Yeah, well, I can't." "You get a lot of offers?" "Yeah, a few." "You get more wearing the collar though?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "How were you going to do it?" "We're here to talk about you, Roz." "Was it a train?" " Have you got your mobile?" " Yeah." "Put my number in, will you?" "How were you going to do it?" "My number is 07700900481." "Just give it to me again." "Yeah, 07700900481." "Right." "Phone me if you change your mind." "If at any point you change your mind, early on, late on, very late on, phone me and I'll get to you." "I won't change my mind." "Well, promise me if you do then you'll call me?" "I promise." "Where will you do it?" "At home, in my bed." "Will the kids find you?" "No, no, they'll be at school." "My ex, Paul's coming over." "He thinks to fix the radiator in my bedroom." " He'll find me." " Please don't do it, Roz." "How many politicians have there been caught with their fingers in the till?" "They're worse than you, cos they're bloody hypocrites." "Laying down the law for others, breaking it themselves." "They come out of prison and throw themselves into penal reform and campaigns for this, that and the other." "Prison's the making of them, Roz, and it can be for you." "Fight them." "Fight those bloody machines and go to prison and come back out and fight them again." " I can't." " You can!" "You can." "Look, there's a meeting tomorrow down at the council." " You come along..." " No, I can't." "Then let me tell someone about this." "Let me..." "No!" "Will you join me in a prayer?" "Yeah." " Shall we?" " Yeah." "This is Roz Demichelis, Lord." "She doesn't know how much you love her, how much she matters to you." "Can you find some way of showing her?" "Thank you, Lord." " Amen." " Amen." "Phone me, Roz, and I'll get to you." "I'll get to you, Roz, I promise." "You go to any food bank and you ask them what they need most and they'll tell you pasta." "It's cheap and nutritious." "You can feed an army." "Bit of pasta, bit of sauce." "How long's that now?" "Five minutes." "Right." "Is there any pink showing?" "No." "That's the main thing." "You don't want any pink." "Open the sauce." "Pink inside a steak's fine, but pink in a pan of mince, is a nono." "Right, pour the sauce in." "Put the whole thing in." "Are you watching this?" "Yeah." " I am no longer cooking for you, do you understand that?" "Get that straight." "I am not cooking for you." "So what are you going to do?" "Chlo'll do it." "No, she won't." "She will be no man's skivvy." "So you need to watch how it's done, yeah?" "Right." "Right." "OK." "Is it boiling?" "Yeah." " All right, just turn it down and let it simmer." "You don't want to boil it dry." "All right, spaghetti." "How much do you think we need for four?" " All of it." " Yeah." "Whack it in." "You think it's bad, yeah?" "Yeah." "Well, wait till you taste his pudding." " What are you doing?" " What?" " For God's sakes!" " What?" "You don't turn it on until it's full and it's nowhere near full!" "Right, whatever!" "Don't talk to me like that!" "Running it when it's empty costs me money." "I'm the one that has to find that." " It's not empty!" " It's virtually empty, look at it." "And this, this is just ridiculous." "Common sense should tell you that that's just wrong." " Why?" " Because... spoons and forks should face the same way." "If they face the same way they take up less space and we want this thing as full as possible before we switch it on, because it costs money to run." " Right?" " Right!" "So spoons and forks the same way in future, yeah?" "Yeah." "And what's this?" "A plate." "It's filthy." "They're all filthy." "That's why they're in there." "No, you rinse them before you put them in." "There's two reasons for that." "One, if you rinse them before you put them in, you don't clog the machine." "Two, we want it as full as possible before we turn it on, yes?" " Yes." "That's been established beyond all reasonable doubt, right?" "Yes!" " So there's going to be dishes in here overnight that are dirty." "I don't want them stinking up the kitchen." "Right!" "I'm so sick of this house." "And I'm so sick of you and him acting the eejit." "I'm just so sick of it!" "Yeah?" "Can I come in?" "Yes." "What you doing?" "Writing a letter to Auntie Jackie." "She's on email." "I know." "She likes getting letters." "I brought you this." "Thanks." "Are you all right?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "Right." "Write." "I will." "Thanks for this." "So how's the flashbacks going?" "I'm excelling myself." "Flash forwards these days... to purgatory." "Cold wind, thin air, people telling each other bitter truths, purgatory as other people." "Thanks." "Someone in confession has told me she's going to kill herself." "You believe her?" "Totally." "I asked her if I could tell someone about it..." "Openly, I mean... and she said no." "What can I do?" "Is it imminent?" "Tomorrow." "And have you told her if she changes her mind that she can...?" "Yeah, I've given my mobile number." "I used to relish these prospects, Peter." "All those stories of Catholic martyrs going to their deaths before breaking the seal of the confession." "Yeah, I'll have some of that." "They might even make me a saint." " But I never envisaged this." " No." "I see it now for what it is, of course, the seal." "It's a sales pitch." "The best ever." "Every religion wishes it had it." "That's all it is, a bloody sales pitch." ""Ten billion confessions heard, not one revealed."" ""Buy now while stocks last."" "Tell me I should tell someone." "I'm back on the sugar." "I know." "It's pathetic, isn't it?" "I just didn't want you to know." "Yeah." "You see, the thing is, you could tell someone, and that someone could intervene and the likelihood is, is the next day she might kill herself." "Only the next day, she doesn't have the option to call you, because guess what?" "What?" "You've betrayed her." "Aye." " Do you know what we should do?" " What?" "Pray." "I nearly said, "Is that all?" God forgive me." "Lord, lift up our weary spirits..." "So that we might find rest and eternal peace within you." "May we stand on mountains and walk on stormy seas." "Give us that unspeakable joy to dance in the rain." " Amen." " Amen." "See you, Mum!" "There we go." "That's my boy." "Father, it's shrunk!" "It's shrunk!" "Fantastic!" "Stay with your granny." "There's a good boy." "It's going to be nice." "Surprise, surprise." "Come in." "Why are you here?" "I was hoping you would look after Woody for me." "Who's Woody?" "The dog!" "Why?" "Where are you going?" "Work's really busy." "He's on his own too much." "What would I do with a dog?" "I thought he could keep you company." "Do the kids not look after him?" "They're always out." "You can't just give their dog away." "He's my dog." "They won't even notice." "Will you take him or not?" "It'd need walking." "Just for the toilet and then a little run later." "It's no big deal." " Where would I take it?" " Out the back field." "Will you stop saying "it"?" "It's a boy." "How long for?" "I'm not sure." "A while." "Will you come and see him?" "He won't cost you anything." "Whatever." "Can he stay?" "Yes." "He sleeps upstairs, on the bed." "Is that all right?" " Are you sick?" " No." "Got a fella?" " So what's wrong with you?" " Nothing." "Make sure you take water up to bed with you." "And don't feed him shite food, or chocolate." "Hi." "Where are you?" " Work." " Nan's been on." "You've given her the dog?" " Yeah." " Why?" "I don't want to look after him any more." "Well, I'll look after him." "'No, you won't, Chlo.'" "You'll do it for a week and then you'll get fed up again." "She says you're acting strange." "I'm acting strange?" "'What's wrong?" "'" "Nothing." "Honestly." "Bye." "Are you going anywhere nice?" "I hope so." " What's the alternative?" " Anything." "Well, what exactly?" "A Harvey Nicks?" "I dunno." "A charity shop, anything." "Anything but another bloody betting shop." "You wouldn't even get a charity shop." "Look, there's four boarded up shops there already." "This'll be five." "Fine." "Better boarded up than sucking the people dry, because that's all they're doing." "I'm sorry, Father, but I'm getting a little bit sick of this, actually." "Is it all right if I speak my mind?" "Yeah." "Just forget your prayer that you've said at the start." " Please do." " OK." "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm finding all of this a little bit hypocritical, actually." "These machines are evil when they're in our betting shops, but they're fine when they're in your social club, Father." "Two of them you've got." "I mean, if gambling was so bad, then how come so much of it goes on in your parish?" "The spot the ball, the bonus ball, the raffle." "You lose that, Father, and you'd be skint, you know it." "Now, the firm I work for, it employs 15,000 people." "That's 15,000 wage packets, on top of rates, corporation tax and God knows what else." "You've got to see it's crucial, Father." "First, I'm sorry I've upset you, Jean." "Second, the machines in Saint Nick's are nothing like those in your shops." "Ours take ten pence coins, yours take £10 notes." "We'll come back to this, Jean, if that's OK." "This is Roz Demichelis, everyone." "I hope you don't mind, but I've invited her along today because she can speak from... personal experience on this matter." "So..." "Isn't that right, Roz?" "Yeah." "Yes." "I'm Roz." "I'm 45." "I have three kids." "For the past eight years, I've worked full time as an office manager in Bolthursts." "Before that, I was a stay at home mum, which was nice." "I have a good life." "Had a good life." "Yesterday, my boss, who's been a good friend to me... found out that I took..." "I've been taking... as in stealing... from him and his company." "£232,648 is the total that I've... taken from him." "Stole from him." "I used the money, the vast majority of it..." "I put into... machines in betting shops." "Some of it was on online bingo, but most of it, I'd say 200 grand, it went into machines." "I grew up, went to school, went to college, got a job, got a house, had kids, got a dog." "I..." "I'm not anxious or depressed." "I don't drink or snort coke and I'm not stupid." "I'm not the cleverest person in the world." "But I have a B in Olevel Maths, and I know that the odds of feeding a machine and coming out on top are very slim." "But that is what I did." "I just started and I couldn't stop." "If you'd have told me ten years ago, if you'd said that I would wind up here, I would have laughed in your face." "I suppose everybody has their thing." "The thing that makes them feel something... when they can't feel anything." "Or when they want to disappear." "And those machines, they were my thing." "I cared more about them than anything." "And if my boss, my friend... hadn't found out... they would still be my thing." "That's it." "I mean, that's all, really." "Just..." "I would say, just don't think that this is something that happens to other people." "You know, other people that aren't like you, other people different from you." "It could happen to your kid, you, your mother, your brother." "Just don't let them near them." "Because they are evil." "That's it really." "That's all." "Just..." "I don't really have anything else to say." " Would it be OK if I leave?" " Yeah." "Yes." "Well?" "Knowall." "You did it." "Central College, Garmoyle, please." "You broke all the rules." "Yes, put me through, please." "Thanks." "I'm only bending one." "Hello." "You have a student there called Chloe Demichelis?" "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all." "And with your spirit." "Brothers and sisters... let us acknowledge our sins, and so prepare ourselves to celebrate the sacred mysteries." "I confess to Almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what I have failed to do." "Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault." "Therefore, I ask blessed Mary, ever virgin, all the angels and saints and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord, our God." "May Almighty God have mercy on us, forgive us our sins and bring us to everlasting life." "Amen." "Lord have mercy." "Lord have mercy." " Christ have mercy." " Christ have mercy." "Lord have mercy." "Lord have mercy." "I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and Earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate," "was crucified, died and was buried." "He descended into hell." "On the third day, he rose again from the dead." "He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of God, the Father almighty." "From there, he will come to judge the living and the dead." "I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and everlasting life." "Amen." " The Lord be with you." " And be with your spirit." "Lift up your hearts." "We lift them up to the Lord." "Let us give thanks to the Lord, our God." "It is right and just." "Holy, holy, holy Lord God of hosts." "Heaven and Earth are full of your glory." "Hosanna in the highest." "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord." "Hosanna in the highest." "Through him and with him and in him," "O God, almighty Father, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, all glory and honour is yours, forever and ever." "Amen." "At the Saviour's command and formed by divine teaching we dare say..." "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." "Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil." "Deliver us, Lord, we pray, from every evil." "Graciously grant peace in our days that, by the help of your mercy, we may be always free from sin and safe from all distress." "As we await the blessed hope and the coming of our Saviour, Jesus Christ." "For the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours now and forever." "Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us." "Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us." "Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, grant us peace." "Behold the Lamb of God." "Behold him who takes away the sins of the world." "Blessed are those called to the supper of the lamb." "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed." " The body of Christ." " Amen." " The body of Christ." " Amen." "'I changed my plans, Michael." "'Worried you might intervene." "'Which would have been touching, but misguided." "'Bye, Michael.'"