"We thank Dr. Grivois and his team, the personnel of the Emergency ward the management of Hôtel Dieu, and the Public Health department who enabled us to make this film." "The authors wish to inform spectactors that people filmed inside the hospital gave their consent." "Come with me, come with me!" "Follow that gentleman..." "Sir, do you agree to be filmed?" "Yes, he agrees." "He does?" "Then sit down." "Sit down." "What's wrong?" "What's wrong?" "Well, I'm an alcoholic and..." "I've started again." "Started again?" " Try to explain." " What's that?" "A letter?" "Don't touch those papers!" "No, I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry." "Will you give me that?" "No, it's not yours." "Not yours?" "What is it?" "Did my mother do it?" "It's not yours, stay there please!" "[Skipped item nr. 25]" "Sit down!" "Right, you stay there, we'll talk with you." "Bunch of imbeciles!" "[Skipped item nr. 29]" "HOTEL DIEU FREEDOM, EQUALITY, FRATERNITY" "PSYCHIATRY Secretariat:" "Dr. Grivois" "If you resume all that, apart from anguish and sleeping badly it would add up to a concentration problem?" "Above all, that's what's so annoying." "Difficulty in concentrating that means in understanding a text to be read..." "It means that if I want..." "I wouldn't say to rewrite because I couldn't do it, after the 2nd reading, but if I want to recall the main themes" "I'd need at least 3 consecutive readings" "I have to approximate the sense of the words" "to the overall subject to enable me..." "I need several readings!" "It's certainly due to difficulties in concentrating." "It is due to those difficulties." "Well!" "I'll make an appointment... a Wednesday afternoon." "If you like Doctor." "In a fortnight." "All right!" "[Skipped item nr. 51]" "[Skipped item nr. 52]" "EMERGENCY" "Mr. Oukoukou?" "You falling asleep?" "No." "I'm not asleep." "Do you know why you're being held by the police?" "You know why you're being held by the police?" "I don't know." "No?" "Absolutely not, I've done nothing." "Have you ever been held before?" "Absolutely not." "The police said there was a fight." "Do you know what they mean?" "How can I know, I can't!" "I can't know!" "Nothing!" "That's not mine." "You recall being in a fight?" "Not at all." "I'm Dr. Baron, I'm a psychiatrist." " You ever saw a psychiatrist?" " No!" "Never?" "Never been to a psychiatric hospital?" "Never." "And to hospital in general?" "To hospital for the accident to my eye..." "I don't know about those things..." "What happened to your eye?" "My eye!" "Because my house burnt down" "I escaped and I fell, I broke my ribs and then my eye, I'm better off than working at 14." "I don't know about that!" "Never been in hospital since?" "Never, madame." "The police thought you may have been drinking?" "Certainly not, I don't drink alcohol." "Right, do you take anything else, cocaine, hash?" "I came, I'm... waiting, that's all." "There!" "What?" "The law has the right to do anything, I've no right." "One has no right to anything." "So I'm waiting, I'll see what happens." "What are you waiting for?" "What are you waiting there for, I don't get it." "The law has the right." "If it's the law they have the right to this and that." "You sit at a table, you offer friends a drink." "They have fun, suddenly the police come in the bar." "The police leave the room..." "There, that's all madame." "The police came into the bar?" "That's it." "Do you ever take cocaine sir?" "What?" "Do you ever take cocaine?" " What?" " Cocaine!" "Sniff it!" "Don't know that, madame." "Do you shoot up?" "I'm very sorry!" "What day is it today sir?" "Tell me." "You can answer that, sir?" "What day is it today?" "What day?" "I don't know!" "I'm sick in my head!" "Yes, what's the matter?" "So if I've done something at least let them lock me up let them lock me up, that way I'll..." "I'll rest." "It'll be much better for me." "I'm sick in my head!" "I am!" "Sir, make an effort, think..." "Tell me what day it is?" "That I can't answer, madame." "[Skipped item nr. 123]" "Why?" "I'm sick in my head, I am, morally." "Not physically, morally." "So they do as they like with me." "If I've done something, at least do something" "I mean to me, if I've done something." "Why not?" "There are so many, many bad people." "What do you mean morally?" "I can't say, madame." "There isn't even any compensation because I don't want to answer." "I won't bother you any more, just blow into something." "That's it, madame." "Wait here." "[Skipped item nr. 138]" "One can use alcohol any way." "You wait there!" "Sir, please blow in there." "Breath deeply and exhale." "What?" "Breath in and then out very deeply." "Put this in your mouth..." "I am breathing!" "You breath in and you exhale." "Go on, blow!" "Blow?" "Harder, harder, more..." "[Skipped item nr. 150]" "[Skipped item nr. 151]" "You have drunk a little." "Excuse me!" "No, I do not drink." "All right." "I'll take you back to the police, wait for the paper..." "Yes madame." "Hospital." "They said:" "Don't go, so I stayed." "All right..." "[Skipped item nr. 159]" "[Skipped item nr. 160]" "Sorry!" "I took some pills." "What pills?" "I took Raph, at least 2 boxes." "Action, two and a half boxes." "Some Revotrix two and a half." "Two and a half, pills, when did you do that?" "Before noon." "[Skipped item nr. 170]" "We'll have to use a stomach pump." "Like that... it holds..." "Open your mouth..." "An obstacle to bypass." "[Skipped item nr. 175]" "Now get up on the table..." "Lie down and I'll give you a perfusion." "Shall we let someone know, your husband?" "No, I left a note." "[Skipped item nr. 180]" "When did you leave a note?" "Before leaving..." "You mean before coming here?" "We'll admit you to a medical ward for a check-up." "You're looking worried..." "[Skipped item nr. 186]" "Dr. Binot will see you tomorrow." "[Skipped item nr. 188]" "Is there anything else, important, we can do for you?" "What?" "Anything else important?" "[Skipped item nr. 192]" "Well, I'll leave you, goodbye." "Goodbye, madame!" "...for some time now, well driving, I've had enough and then I... well I exploded, I burst into tears." "So I thought it best to stop the bus off the street, near the Opéra and wait" "wait for help, because I couldn't drive frankly, I was beside myself." "You broke down?" "Yes, completely." "What else did you do?" "That's all." "You couldn't drive?" "Incapable, I was trembling like a leaf" "I thought it better to stop the bus and ensure the passengers' safety rather than go on risking... well, an accident..." "Who brought you here?" "The fire brigade." "The firemen brought me, I must say it's rather long..." "They leave you in a waiting room and no one says a thing." "Well, I can admit there are emergencies but they could say something." "Are you normally OK, is this the first..." "It's the first time!" "I've worked there 10 years." "I think I was just totally fed up." "With your work?" "Yes, my work, I've had it, can't go on for a while I've wanted to change departments but my bosses aren't understanding and they do everything to get rid of me." "Do you live in Paris?" "No, the suburbs, at Servan, near Brie Comte Robert." "It's more or less the country." "Married, any children?" "A boy." "And the family?" "Fine, no problem with the couple... if all couples were like us." "So the problem is at work?" "Well, mainly, it was today..." "Usually, how does it go?" "You know Paris traffic, well it unnerves you and some clients aren't understanding." "You're the doctor?" "There, my boss has come to see me." "Yes, so there's everything... the nervous tension around you." "I don't know if you ever drove in traffic that won't move, you want to finish on time because you rarely finish on time and then they complain:" "We've been waiting for 45 minutes!" "They shout at you, don't want to know if it's the traffic's fault or yours..." "You feel tired now?" "No, right now, not at all" "I admit we have rotten services during the summer TM, sorry, summer timetable." "Really, the services are not much good." "Otherwise..." "Otherwise you're not tired, sleep well?" "I sleep very well." "Is he..." "No, he doesn't leave his office." "So you can't change departments?" "Have to wait for him to retire." "When he does, I may get on better with another boss." "[Skipped item nr. 262]" "I see no other solution." "Do you need some time off or not?" "I don't need any." "Like everyone, I'm waiting for my vacation, in May." "In June." "That's soon." "I can't say anything special..." "I was surprised when you said:" "I'm a psy." "Well, why not?" "No reason to see a special doctor." "You're here, what happened was a slight case of hysterics." "It may be good to talk to someone." "[Skipped item nr. 274]" "I've nothing special to say or to give you." "I think you need to take a vacation." "[Skipped item nr. 277] ...several people, and an old man got in" "I asked for his pass, he didn't have it so I called the boss who said:" "No pass, he leaves or he pays." "So then all the bus was against me, all of them." "All those nice names, you know and I broke down." "I thought it wise to park on the Place de I'Opéra" "I was trembling it wasn't worth going on, I thought that..." "I'd stay there..." "Today, let things cool down tomorrow, are you working?" "Yes." "Then you must see Insp. Bollini." "He'll decide what to do, whether to make out a report 536 or forget it." "All right." "The policemen who brought you here asked me to talk to you because you were in a bar and broke a window." "[Skipped item nr. 298]" "I'd like to know what made you do that?" "What made me do it?" "Firstly, I wasn't even in the bar" "I wasn't inside" "I was on 2 chairs outside." "2 white chairs, not dangerous you get me, nothing to do with the chairs." "I was on one, there was no table it was really 2 chairs for a panoply... panorama to look at any panorama and I needed some sun." "I'm more or less out on the street, I needed a little sun..." "And I needed to be shut off from the world because I'm tired, I'm pregnant" "that's what I was doing when a man came to talk a black man, I couldn't care less at moments when I want inner peace when I want to be quiet in the calm of something I don't have" "because I don't have the money one needs to live on and I try to make it real in my mind, in my world so I was sitting there and he insisted on talking to me." "A man I don't know, very nice, very polite but I didn't want to answer." "So what happened." "He said:" "Go away Mlle." "I said, Yes, there's no problem... and when I did that, I said:" "Bye, pooch... and he... he said:" "You!" "To the dog and did that..." "Go in!" "And two big kicks." "It all changed in me, I walked... to the other side of the bay window and..." "Well, I didn't agree..." "that this little dog who was so cute, who'd looked at me not at all obliged to, by her own animal instinct who wasn't bad at all, she's the right to look at me or you don't put your dog on the terrace..." "Then, I just saw the world, each time each time something happens, I see the world is not so beautiful." "So what did I do?" "I spat on the window..." "Perhaps I pushed a little hard, that's nervous fatigue." "With my shoe, I hit it twice, and the 3rd time, I made a hole." "The owner of the bar hit the dog?" "That's why I broke the window because he hit the dog and everything I've told you." "It's just that!" "God knows, I never touch anyone." "I never hit anyone, I control myself when it cracks I'd rather break bottles or upset trash cans..." "You do that?" "Yes!" "But I don't hit people." "Windows... not often, the 2nd time, in 4 years the 3rd." "Once in Paris, not far away, the same... same area, Beaubourg..." "The 2nd time here and once in Brittany." "You never had any trouble?" "Yes, I went to the police." "Then what happened?" "What happened?" "What happens... today I don't know." "They brought me here, I'm pregnant, it's different." "It's the first time I'm pregnant." "I mean the first time I break a window, pregnant..." "The child's father, are you in touch with him?" "No!" "Nothing to do with it, nothing." "This child is for me, I didn't do it so as to look for a father for it!" "I want... it's not the 1st time I've been pregnant and I want my place in society, naturally." "I have no diplomas, nothing but I always loved children and they've... taken away my right to love them and I'm still suffering a lot from that." "Explain, because I don't understand." "Understand... understand what?" "You say:" "Your right to have..." "to love children." "[Skipped item nr. 375]" "Explain..." "That's how I see it." "How do you see it?" "From what I've seen, what I've understood." "You've seen?" "Perhaps..." "I don't know, what I've been through." "Not the right to love them... not even animals." "I've the right..." "I've always the right to be wrong that's my impression." "What makes you say that, madame?" "The truth, what I live, always to be wrong not always, but most of the time I'm wrong rather than right." "Who says so?" "People who don't even know me." "People, the stupidity of life of misery, perhaps, I don't know, lots of things..." "I think you should be admitted to hospital you seem very tired." "In what ward?" "I'll send you for observation for 24 hours." "To observe what?" "Your pregnancy..." "your general state..." "Where, here?" "No, not here, at St. Anne..." "You'll probably be admitted to allow you to rest and to get things in perspective..." "But why admit me to hospital?" "Your health requires it." "Just tiredness, not to make me..." "What do you expect me to do?" "It's my birthday, I'm invited for dinner." "I don't like this much." "I decide any way, I'm here freely, eh?" "I'd remind you, the police brought you because you did something." "So what?" "I'm pregnant, there's nothing to prove I can't defend myself." "I defend myself, I don't harm anyone." "[Skipped item nr. 416]" "I've been transferred, you know where?" "[Skipped item nr. 418]" "[Skipped item nr. 419]" "They said St. Anne." "My boss will know." "Your boss already knows." "He must know." "He will know..." "But he didn't tell you!" "Talk a bit about this feeling of never having been happy." "I know you well, for 20 years I've..." "looked after you." "Not quite, really, not quite..." "I've never been happy because" "I've always been sensitive." "And I'm not bad and the world is not good." "Then the... are not good for sensitive people they hurt them, and they've hurt me!" "I assure you where I work, wherever I've been." "But I was happy up to 16 with my parents." "But as soon as I started work, I've suffered for 41 years." "Really suffered, they gave me a rough time." "There's another thing:" "A woman a woman's not a woman, it's a piece of meat nothing else for a man for certain sorts, and there are all sorts of men." "You're really pessimistic today..." "A certain aggressiveness..." "I am aggressive." "Towards whom?" "Who are you angry with today?" "Men!" "They hurt me so much, gave me a bad time." "They... ran after me so much to have fun, as if I was a..." "There's only my husband, he's been kind." "In the morning in bed, do you want to go to work or do you want to stay there and not move?" "I want to stay there." "Do nothing?" "That's it, do nothing." "You never wanted to commit suicide..." "Never... but, I would never... as Sainte Thérèse said:" ""I am not going to die" ""I am going towards life", when she died." "I only believe in that." "Our life is nothing." "What does one do?" "Get up in the morning, have breakfast spend one's time eating." "Well I don't like it, you know, eating." "What does it mean, one eats..." "Eating and all that." "That's all that matters to men to women and to men..." "Then mixtures..." "It's all... it's just simply that." "The day goes by, at the end of it you feel better?" "I have to iron the laundry, it takes time." "I can't stand for long, my legs hurt." "My legs hurt..." "Only my husband is good to me." "You know he was hard on me when I was sick because he was worried, he's not like me." "You're in such pain at times you shout?" "Yes, the other day I shouted!" "I called for my mother." "I was in such pain." "Then I stopped a man..." "Is it a moral pain?" "No, not a moral pain, psychological." "Well, psychic..." "It's not physical!" "No, it's not physical, it's not that." "Then, I don't do a thing at home." "I cleaned once and I don't give a damn!" "Do you reproach yourself morally?" "Not at all!" "My God, I haven't done anything wrong." "I never hurt a soul, but I've been hurt." "Yes, I've been hurt, because I'm too sensitive, they can see." "I would cry, I cry, do I cry!" "I can't stop crying!" "I couldn't cry when I was here." "I went through torture, when I was at the hospital." "I couldn't cry and now I do..." "I cry and I cry and I cry!" "It's a good thing." "What?" "A question:" "Don't you feel better after crying?" "More relaxed, I mean..." "I don't want to do a thing." "That's the problem?" "I don't want to do a thing, my ironing, I saw it yesterday." "My ironing to be done, think of the joy!" "What ectasy to iron, to cook to eat... to wash dishes..." "The dishes... wash the floor..." "It's really great!" "Is that life on earth?" "Better to kick up the daisies." "Tell me, are you very talkative now?" "No, not at all!" "You're talking to me, but with your husband, silence?" "Last night it did me good, I talked to him..." "I couldn't do the dishes..." "couldn't and I talked, he listened, he's not very talkative." "He's very intelligent, more than I am..." "I'm fine here, there's one thing, I can't read." "I can't recall what I read." "I read, I make myself and I can't remember..." "The pain you talked so much about, is it going, is it..." "It goes and comes back, last night it was bad." "[Skipped item nr. 529]" "I wasn't easy because of the TV, I was bored." "It hurt me!" "It didn't interest me at all, it doesn't interest me." "A Western, well, basta!" "I hate Westerns!" "Yet it was with Henry Fonda and I don't know who..." "I like Henry Fonda, but not Westerns, they're stupid." "Stupid girls, stupid boys, anything you like it's really stupid." "They make themselves out to be something, let's face it the Americans have worked to get where they are the first pioneers, it can't have been fun they had Indians they had a tough life, they had to..." "Let's stick to the subject:" "You." "[Skipped item nr. 544]" "Well, my God, wash dishes, the floor, I don't like it much." "So you don't want to leave?" "Saturday, if possible." "Saturday, if you're well." "Yes, but I'm not..." "You have permission to go out during the day if your husband comes to take you out." "At the weekend you can go home if you like." "For the discharge, we'll see." "Not yet." "I want to see you well." "Doctor, I want to be well..." "because..." "I know you can be well..." "Because you see, this morning I was upset." "I was alone at the table, all alone no one to whom to confide..." "I tell jokes." "We exchange jokes, and I tell them mine." "I tell them silly stories!" "They laugh, they're happy." "And it makes me laugh, I enjoy that." "I like to be laughed at, it doesn't worry me." "I'm a clown!" "Yes, doctor!" "When I see them laugh at my silliness, they believe it..." "What you need is dialogue." "How is it you're so sad and so hurt, at times?" "You say life is worthless..." "You've overcome that." "Yes... that is nothingness." "I don't think of it, and I don't want to die." "Are you well in your mind?" "[Skipped item nr. 576]" "I think this sort of medicine does me good." "You've really..." "touched the stumbling..." "What do you call it?" "The stumbling block." "The stumbling block, that's it." "But you see..." "I can't read." "On Saturday I saw you, in good shape, going home..." "You had projects..." "You wanted to iron, do the dishes, clean up!" "Then your husband seemed to put the brake on..." "When I'm well, he seems to want to hurt me." "He says I'm sick." "[Skipped item nr. 589]" "He's selfish, especially about love." "There was a time when he was not even a young man." "It happened then, I talked to Dr. Talon." "It had to be..." "But now it's all right." "You know how I am, I'm intellectual, that's all." "I'm not sensual." "He reproaches me for it." "You guess what he said to me..." "he's good." "He's selfish like all men are they don't understand women." "There are selfish women too." "What is horrible... no!" "Those who love a man for his money..." "Let's stop there..." "I'm wandering..." "What was I saying?" "It's my memory!" "I can't recall what I said." "Your husband is worried you will..." "That I'll go back there." "That you'll do something silly." "It makes him ill!" "When you talk too much, do too much..." "That's it." "Last night he called." "So the weekend went off badly?" "He called me after I came back." "He was worried, I'd been nasty too." "I wanted to smash up the dining-room but it's a lovely dining-room..." "During the weekend did you clean up?" "I ironed." "That's a very good sign." "Really?" "You tell me!" "I'll tell you..." "it was awful I had such pain you know he took me..." "from behind." "So I said how..." "I didn't say it, I thought it." "He dares touch me, yet he shows me no affection or tenderness." "[Skipped item nr. 628]" "I thought maybe it was me." "I don't know who loves the other most." "I think I love him more than he loves me." "You know he's not a young man but, he used to be mad!" "What shall we do?" "I'll stay on." "You'll stay, you're still a little..." "I can't read." "There's that too." "I tried to read a marvellous book: "Christian Families"." "The woman in front of me has it." "But I can't, I read it and I can't recall it." "And I love reading, music, I love life." "It's beautiful!" "There's a phrase by Péguy I like..." ""To want peace is a sign of weakness" ""but to make peace is a sign of greatness"." "It's wonderful!" "You know who Charles Péguy was?" "He was never married, died in '14..." "He was married." "He had children." "Really?" "He was very catholic, but he's dead, eh?" "He died in '14." "With the taxis of the Marne?" "I don't know where." "He's dead, I'll look in the dictionary." "Married with 2 children." "I didn't know, I thought he was a..." "You know that great learned man..." "It was Whitsun or Ascension..." "Ascension." "I mix it all up." "I was allowed home for the weekend." "When I saw my husband, I felt fine..." "Since then until Saturday morning" "on Ascension Day..." "My husband got up, started complaining because I was OK." "Madame, we'll go over this, you spoke about it on the phone." "How many Tophranyl do you take, 6?" "In the morning 3, 3 at night." "So take... you're not taking any Depamide?" "Yes." "Stop Depamide and take 8 Tophranyl." "[Skipped item nr. 676] 4 in the morning, 4 at night, no Depamide." "Call me every day." "Try to call me every morning." "We must manage to..." "I don't know how I got here." "[Skipped item nr. 682]" "Listen, I can't keep you, there's no room." "Do you want your husband to pick you up..." "I can manage, I came, I can go too." "I don't want to bother him..." "It upsets him when I cry." "You cry a lot, I felt you weren't well on the phone." "Is your husband working?" "He's going to stop..." "When he retires?" "January 17, 1988." "I don't want him to go on, he's always always on his feet, he's overworked then he wanted to garden..." "I don't give a damn about the garden, the house it's dirty now..." "Saturday you said the opposite." "That you'd worked full out..." "I did my gymnastics." "No, not that, the matter of cleaniness." "Didn't do a thing." "Only did the ironing, Sunday afternoon." "Listen, let's do that." "You sleep well?" "Very well!" "4 morning, 4 at night." "In general as the day goes by, the hours go by you feel somewhat better?" "The afternoon." "Not the evening." "It returns?" "It comes in the evening." "Evening and morning, afternoon is better." "Listen, if this afternoon is very good" "I'll come by..." "I'll come anyway." "Have a good day." "Thank you, you're my dear doctor!" "Dear friend!" "As you see, she's better." "I think it's obvious no need to be a specialist to see it." "The problem is at times she's so much better one has to avoid the opposite excesses" "which you'll probably see in a few hours or days." "...our company exists on the level of its business no doubt about it" "and a fortnight ago" "I was robbed of at least 75,000 Frs." "That represents an incredible number of hours it represents journeys" "I drove 1,500 miles at the weekend by car, I didn't sleep because I couldn't" "I left for Marseilles Thursday evening, came home Sunday tired, worn out, but I had work to do and I went on..." "For 6 months it's been like that..." "I'm pushing myself... because I was self-employed of course but I always said I'd employ him and I'd give him shares" "I said it doesn't only belong to me it's also for you, since I work for you." "Well, he didn't say anything and it was difficult to get him on the phone so I went to see him, he said:" "I didn't want to tell you then... and added:" ""I wasn't sure how you'd react but I'd rather not see you again." "When was that?" "Sunday." "Recently?" "[Skipped item nr. 751]" "Sunday I had difficulty to reach him..." "You were expecting it?" "When he said that..." "It had been in the air for some months?" "Yes, it had..." "it had been in the air." "I didn't want to admit it." "I didn't!" "Because..." "I continued my work because I had" "I had two employees..." "Because that's the way it is and I said" "I'd said to him, when the year's accounts are finalized" "I'll be in profit so that we can buy a house," "A little house we'll fix at weekends." "I don't know if it's him or me, we never" "we never broke off..." "anything... never." "So I continued working... then when he told me he didn't want... he didn't just say:" "I don't want to see you..." "When you say:" "You never broke off anything..." "You mean things were unspoken?" "But you saw him less and less?" "And you worked more and more?" "So it was something in the air for months that led you to overwork, to work... and now you have an added problem you're faced with 2 realities at once." "Together." "But it unmasks a little the emotional problem you'd had for longer than that." "Yes, because it was hard when I started the company." "Very hard because, that's how it was but... it wasn't the same, he was there and he said:" "You should do this or that." "Then I talked each time there was a likely job I discussed it when the job was secured, it was even more wonderful!" "Can you stop work for a fortnight?" "I've given the instructions." "It was my employees who said:" "Go see a doctor." "I just signed my last contract." "I never thought I'd do it." "But I said, for them you must go on." "Your business is in order and you wish to be hospitalized?" "Yes, because I can't go on, I can't..." "Have you ever been in a psychiatric ward?" "I have... when I had lithium treatment." "In a psychiatric ward?" "Where?" "The hospital at Villejuif because I lived near there with my mother." "[Skipped item nr. 802]" "Now where do you live?" "In the 19th quarter." "The 19th, very near the Buttes Chaumont." "I think it's Maison Blanche for the 19th." "I don't know." "The problem is there's no room here so for now you'll go to your local hospital." "I'll check and come to tell you what I've found." "[Skipped item nr. 811]" "Here I am, I've been here for 3 hours." "That's not normal, look, I'm covered in blood." "[Skipped item nr. 814]" "Just go screw yourself!" "Go on, screw yourself!" "I don't give a damn!" "[Skipped item nr. 818]" "Why don't you tell us what happened?" "Get yourself laid!" "[Skipped item nr. 821]" "The police want a behaviour report." "Shut up!" "You can go to the infirmary..." "Shut up!" "Shit!" "You won't cooperate, I don't know what happened." "You'll go for observation." "You've been warned, the psychiatric infirmary." "Right, I'll write a letter..." "Go screw yourself!" "Shit you, arsehole!" "You waiting?" "Yes I am." "What for?" "The psychiatrist." "Why?" "I work with her." "Why?" "Learning the work..." " You a cop?" " No." "Why work?" "For money, for screwing?" "To see how a psychiatrist works." "Why?" "For a lay?" "[Skipped item nr. 844]" "For money?" "Then why?" "To study..." "Study!" "Psychologist..." "No it's not..." "You'll study!" "You will!" "Study what?" "My behaviour." "No, I'm here to study her work." "Then will you study how I work?" "Your work?" "Yes, if I kill someone, if..." "But I'm not..." "[Skipped item nr. 860]" "Well, that's to do with human behviour, eh?" "[Skipped item nr. 862]" "It's not for me to watch..." "Should be a psychologist..." "Will you open it?" "I haven't the key." "So it's locked?" "Yes, it is." "The keys..." "I don't know." "You sure there's a key?" "That's just talk!" "Blabber!" "It's you who are blabbing!" "No, it's you, look!" "Behind the door, push it." "What's the matter?" "Push it, means open or close it." "[Skipped item nr. 878]" "Forget it." "Lots of people, eh?" "Listen to me..." "I know I've lost, I gambled and lost." "Stop that camera!" "Why, you want to say something?" "[Skipped item nr. 885]" "Why not say it..." "I know I gambled and lost." "I'm ready for whatever you want." "What did you gamble?" "My life!" "And you lost?" "[Skipped item nr. 892]" "It may be silly it may mean nothing to you, it's everything for me." "My wrists may hurt me but..." "You arsehole!" "The police are here, go with them..." "I don't give a shit about the police." "[Skipped item nr. 899]" "Can you untie me?" "[Skipped item nr. 901]" "Can you untie me, please?" "There, that's over." "Arsehole!" "I'll give you some water." "Wait there, I'll fetch some water." "I'm a nurse." "I don't have an interesting job." "Except I like children." "Then one day, in the elevator..." "I was raped... and that's how I had my child." "And now I've broken down again..." "I've nothing else to say." "For a long time I've been going to a psychoanalyst." "But I can't cope." "Because no one helps me and I can't stand the kids shouting" "or the kids..." "Because I also work in an infant school that's smart, isn't it?" "It's a way to be with one's child." "I'm hungry..." "I'm hungry for love... that's it and I'm tired." "That's true, it isn't a hotel..." "[Skipped item nr. 929]" "My son, that's David." "I called him David." "It doesn't mean I'm unhappy!" "You're very tired, but are you depressed?" "[Skipped item nr. 934]" "The 3 months weren't too bad?" "A long time since we met." "Yes, a long time." "If you hadn't asked me to come today" "I'd only have come the 29th, Cécile said." "Yes, I'm very busy..." "You wrote "stop" for... today." "My nurse makes my appointments but you can always come..." "[Skipped item nr. 944]" "Well, why did you call?" "No more Telidi and no more Seresta." "You still come to AA?" "I went on Monday." "No temptations?" "I'm very thirsty now, but I'll have a Perrier." "But you have put on..." "I've lost 40 lbs since August!" "I think you're joking." "I weighed 164 lbs and now 124 lbs." "40 lbs seems a lot to me..." "I'll take off my coat." "[Skipped item nr. 957]" "Yes, you're right." "Is the diet very tough?" "I try to do it all." "I don't know if I told you, my husband goes to the AA?" "I don't think there's much result." "Special meetings?" "For people who live with alcoholics." "It was funny..." "Piss off with your cinema, I want to see Dr. Grivois." "Tell me what happened today?" "Just call me Mrs...!" "[Skipped item nr. 969]" "What is this business, this cinema?" "Bullshit!" "[Skipped item nr. 972]" "What happened?" "You can't do anything anyway." "Why did the police bring you here?" "I went to pick up my kid, then I went out." "My sister-in-law was there, she wants the kid." "She hasn't any, her little kid's in Marseilles she wants mine." "I'm sorry, the kid is mine!" "I had it!" "My folks have money, I'm going to ask my share of my inheritance." "I want my kid he was premature, I accept my responsibility and he'll be all right." "I'm sorry, he's happy when I smile and kiss his belly he's happy, my kid's happy!" "What went on with your sister-in-law?" "She was there, I didn't know, as if by chance." "There on the sidewalk, my husband called her he called her, she couldn't be there by chance." "No!" "They can't make fun of me!" "Can you go to police emergency?" "To the emergency ward?" "Not now, it's not for you." "It's for me, later." "I want to see Dr. Grivois." "I want my kid." "I'm sorry, I can pay, I want him." "And I can take care of him." "My kid isn't unhappy..." "But he's not with you?" "He's happy with me." "When I kiss his belly... he bursts out laughing, he's..." "I don't give a damn, but with that woman who looks after him, one acts the monkey and plays about, goes upstairs, I don't give a damn!" "If you talk to her, she says nothing, mine answers." "What have you drunk today?" "Anisette, I'm not ashamed." "I stood up for someone like me who's an alcoholic like me and who slept at my place." "I'm sorry, she wasn't well and had to be helped, something had to be done." "These people who never do a thing they know how to drink champagne, the good things" "They drink this or that champagne, Sauvignon, this or that and they drink more than I do!" "I must get out of here!" "[Skipped item nr. 1022]" "I want to get out!" "I'm not drunk!" "No, you're..." "You sit down..." "lie down." "No need to lie down, I'm not sick." "You sit down!" "We'll give you a shot!" "A shot of what?" "To relax you." "To relax me!" "Do you agree?" "No!" "We'll do it!" "I want my child, my child!" "Where is your child right now?" "With my sister-in-law..." "You're in no state to pick him up." "I'm sorry, my kid is mine and when his mother isn't there, he cries." "No one denies that." "His mother..." "You're in no state to see your child." "Why am I tied up?" "Tied up like a sack of potatoes..." "[Skipped item nr. 1045]" "Public service is in a bad way, teaching is the same you don't do anything and neither do we." "I'm really sorry..." "Come on, we'll give you a shot." "I don't want one." "We'll do it, you need it." "I don't want any injection." " Come here." " No injection!" "You prefer a pill?" "Don't want your pills, I can walk straight." "No, you're not at all well." "I walk straight!" "How are you?" "Better." "Smiling again?" "I'm beginning to realize that I lived in a tiny world." "I felt that everyone... everyone was trying to hurt me." "Now I can see it all." "Is it clearer?" "A bit..." "Since when?" "And I felt my husband was..." "Was part of the plot?" "I realize it's not true, but I still feel that..." "I feel it's true... that he wasn't playing me a trick, it took me time." "He was in the centre of the plot, right?" "[Skipped item nr. 1075]" "You felt we were all on his side?" "[Skipped item nr. 1077]" "There was no way to make you see reason." "You remember?" "How long have you felt better?" "It's been about a fortnight..." "But for a week... better..." "Since you were discharged, you're better then last week much better." "It shows." "In pratical terms, the house?" "All right." "Not bogged down by work?" "[Skipped item nr. 1088]" "Can you cope?" "Day by day?" "More or less." "The other apartment, those problems..." "It'll work out." "You stopped dramatizing?" "You've started working?" "Yes?" "That's good." "What have you to say?" "No, what have you to tell me?" "I don't know." "What happened, how did you come to hospital?" "I told you, I felt sick, so I sat down and waited to feel better..." "that's all." "Is it the first time?" "It's the first time and I'm pissed off." "How old are you?" "Well, I'm over 20." "I'm nearly 22." "Yes, nearly 22." "I'm pissed off..." "Can you tell me today's date?" "Today's date!" "That's a good one!" "Today's date, it should be..." "We should be about the 23, 24..." "Of what month?" "The month, one might say... 23, 24." "What month?" " That's the day." " July." "Of what year?" "July, madame." "But of what year?" "Guess." "I don't know, what year?" "[Skipped item nr. 1122]" "July would be perfect, June..." "July." "Of what year?" "I don't know... paradise." "It's rare to pick one like that!" "Just imagine!" "July 20..." "That's America!" "But what year?" "Attacking America..." "I mean..." "Just to be quiet here..." "You know your birth date?" "Of course, February 7, 1949." "'59?" "1949." "'49, how old are you?" "Well, I'm 20." "If you look closely..." "Where can we put... that's all!" "You're a little lost?" "Where do you live?" "What?" "Do you live in Paris?" "[Skipped item nr. 1141]" "Where?" "Where do I sleep?" "Is there a number where we can call someone of your family?" "[Skipped item nr. 1145]" "Excuse me, I'd like my jacket, can you bring me..." "There's no jacket, the firemen told us." "Could you give me a blanket just to put round me?" "I'm frozen and I've a headache..." "that way I..." "I feel better." "So you tell me what happened this afternoon, what do you recall?" "You recall you felt sick..." "About what?" "This morning?" "This afternoon, how did you come here?" "Did you work today?" "[Skipped item nr. 1158]" "What happened?" "Good God!" "You taken any pills?" "What?" "[Skipped item nr. 1163]" "I don't know." "You said you'd been in hospital, you may have pills to take." "[Skipped item nr. 1166]" "[Skipped item nr. 1167]" "[Skipped item nr. 1168]" "So you worked this morning?" "Excuse me, 2 minutes..." "What are you doing?" "I'm waking up..." "So just tell me about this afternoon?" "How... tell me?" "Go on!" "What brought you here, what do you recall?" "You see you're not well." "Come on!" "What do you mean?" "I can see you're not well." "I'm not well, right." "A little lost." "I met some friends, we had a drink together." "You often drink together?" "No, I mean sometimes, of course I do." "I have a drink, two drinks, and I leave." "I don't mean it happens..." "I don't start at 6 am until 10 or 11 pm drinking, you get what I mean?" "Where are your friends?" "Where?" "Now?" "[Skipped item nr. 1190]" "I don't get you..." "Why aren't you with them?" "Why did the firemen bring you to hospital?" "I don't get it." "You don't?" "I don't understand..." "Friends!" "They called the firemen?" "Why?" "[Skipped item nr. 1199]" "I don't know." "You were sick!" "I can't tell you why they called the firemen." "Once they did call them..." "In the end, they called the firemen to come..." "Always the same..." "I'll undo these things." "It's always the same." "I take my precautions." "What?" "Shit, what have I done?" "Damnit!" "I take my precautions." "What do you mean your precautions?" "Precautions..." "I mean precautions." "As I might say..." "How can I put it?" "Precautions." "How can one say it?" "You know..." "What precautions?" "You know very well." "You know the radio..." "you know it well." "Radio." "[Skipped item nr. 1220]" "You know about it." "So?" "I mean you know about it." "Won't you give me a number where I can call?" "Go with the nurse, to have a urine test." "Excuse me sir, ladies, a smile or not?" "A smile!" "[Skipped item nr. 1228]" "I have your doctor's letter." "Tell me what's the matter?" "I can't sleep at night, I walk about..." "So you'll give me a room alone." "First I must know if you need to be admitted." "Are you treated by a psychiatrist?" "I went to a general practitioner." "A long time ago?" "Yes." "How long have you been ill, not sleeping?" "For years, for years..." "You live alone?" "Loneliness is part of it." "Married?" "No." "I lost my mother, sometimes I call her at night." "I'm afraid to be in a ward, I'll wake people." "I'll wake them, bother them..." "I'm afraid..." "Since when?" "Quite a while." "How old are you?" "I'm 65 now." "So you're retired?" "Since when?" "Since 1980." "What did you do?" "Worked in a bank." "Since retiring you've been less well?" "Yes, my apartment was repainted, colours play a part many things play a part." "You mentioned your mother, who died recently... 3 years ago." "3 years, she died of what?" "Of old age, over 89." "Your father?" "He's dead, he died 30 years ago!" "You lived with your mother, until her death?" "It was very hard on you." "I don't have any illusions about psychiatric treatment..." "Will you help me?" "Do you ever drink?" "No!" "Never drink alcohol, I don't smoke..." "Were you ever in a psychiatric ward?" "Psychiatry, no!" "Never, why did you think of coming here today?" "Why did you come here?" "Well, the neighbours, I tried to commit suicide..." "Hang myself." "Today?" "Where?" "At home in the corridor, on the stairs." "The stairs, where people pass by?" "What did you want to do?" "What did you want to do?" "To die, it's all I wanted!" "Have you tried before?" "Never, and why today?" "I've had enough of life." "Try to explain that." "Try to explain why you've had enough of life." "Everything upsets me, a mere nothing upsets me." "Which means?" "Which means nothings for others are serious for me." "For example..." "The new paint in my room." "It upsets my psyche..." "Enough to make you want to commit suicide?" "What happened to make you want to die now?" "I wanted to die, that's all and that idea is still there, right now." "You want to die?" "[Skipped item nr. 1299]" "Who called the doctor?" "The janitor, the neighbours who saw me, of course." "They saw me on the stairs, asked what I was doing." "You didn't call a doctor for help?" "I've no illusions about doctors." "Your family, brothers, sisters?" "Friends?" "Friends?" "I'm almost alone that's why I took a lot of clothes, a large case..." "What will become of you here?" "Your doctor told you to come, what did he say?" "You'll be admitted to hospital, that's all." "The first thing you said was:" "I've not much faith in doctors, and don't believe you can help." "Why?" "What?" "You've no faith in doctors." "I don't have much." "So what can we do?" "I don't know, give me some cyanide." "Here?" "That's what you came for?" "Yes, cyanide if you like, give me a fatal shot, I agree." "For a man wanting to die, you're a smiler!" "For a man wanting to die, you smile a lot!" "If you gave me a fatal shot I'd be grateful." "How long have you had this idea?" "Oh, for several years." "And until now..." "when you say several years after your mother's death?" "It got worse..." "You never tried before?" "[Skipped item nr. 1329]" "So you agree to be hospitalized?" "For how long?" "I've brought linen for..." "For a month, there!" "I don't know how long." "One can't tell." "Neither can I!" "You agree to stay?" "If it's no good, can one leave?" "If it's no good?" "If I see it doesn't suit me, can I leave?" "I'm not forced to stay?" "What do you mean, not suit you?" "If I see I don't like it, if I see that things..." "What will you do?" "I'll go home." "And then what?" "What will I do?" "Kill myself perhaps." "It's terrible, you know..." "What is?" "What's wrong." "Try to explain it to me..." "Try to explain, because I don't get it." "You're a psychiatrist, someone who..." "How shall I put it, moral illness, you don't get it?" "I think that for a potential suicide, you smile a lot." "You say it's terrible..." "To have my sickness, yes!" "Which one?" "You're a psychiatrist!" "What sickness do I have?" "What do you think?" "I've a moral sickness." "What symptoms?" "Except not sleeping." "I don't sleep, I walk about." "During the day, what happens?" "The day..." "I walk in the streets." "You walk?" "Yes, because... it relaxes me." "When you wake in the morning, how do you feel?" "Not in good shape." "Do you want to wash?" "Are you able to?" "Have breakfast?" "At noon, can you eat?" "Where do you walk to, what do you do?" "Anywhere!" "Do you want to read, see shows?" "No that's it, I don't want anything, I have a great library a beautiful library." "And now?" "It doesn't mean a thing." "Because you can't concentrate?" "Since when can't you..." "Oh, for some time, I said the new paint..." "You go to shows, see friends?" "I used to go to shows a great deal before!" "Recently..." "I'm very impatient you can see that, I'm nervous here!" "Nervous because you're in hospital, being filmed?" "Perhaps because of that too!" "But I'm nervous at home!" "What bothers you most is not sleeping at night and suddenly today" "you wanted to kill yourself." "I walk all night." "Don't you take anything?" "You told your doctor?" "He gave me Temesta, that made me sleep!" " It was good?" " Yes." "Your doctor wants you admitted but there's no free bed in a men's ward, we'll look elsewhere." "You'll put me elsewhere?" "Where?" "In a general hospital, St. Antoine, La Salpétrière..." "Or somewhere else." "Do you agree to go to a psychiatric hospital?" "[Skipped item nr. 1401]" "So I'll try to find a bed in a general hospital" "and then we'll see, so wait for me here." "You stay there, I'll go and see." "Is it over?" "I need to stand up!" "Doctors, good Lord!" "[Skipped item nr. 1409]" "I took an anti-depressive it's always the same when you're sick, you see a doctor..." "You're going to see a psychiatrist, eh?" "I say, am I going to see a doctor there?" "We must get the file." "I want to see a doctor, I need something to sleep tonight." "I prescribed it, I'm the doctor!" "I prescribed it it's written down." "If you can't sleep..." "If you can't sleep, call me." "I don't sleep." "Is there a room for this man?" "I'll fetch it rightaway..." "What was I saying..." "if not I'll disturb everyone." "I'll walk about." "I gave you something for sleeping, you'll sleep." "If not, you call me, I'll give you something else." "What's your name?" "I'm there, at the hospital." "I'm at the hospital you call me." "But your name?" "By phone, by the bip..." "Don't worry." "You're very optimistic madame, very..." "We'll see what we can do." "You'd do better to give me potassium cyanide." "Don't forget my sleeping pills!" "I'll disturb everyone, as I can't sleep at night." "A card... merely for a resident's card?" "He wouldn't have jumped." "So you helped the public attorney to tell him to say..." "The attorney is smart!" "A foreigner with residency problems, might be deported that's why he went up on the roof." "But it wasn't delirium was it?" "Well yes, the police said some days ago he set fire to the depot in a similar situation and they say he hears voices!" "I found it a little..." "Where's he going now?" "He's with the attorney, he talked to him..." "To no avail." "I was there, I asked if he wanted me to see him, he said no." "Fine, I think that's right." "Let's not use psychiatry needlessly." "Psychiatrists should be called, not they go first." "It only required 2 minutes of logical discussion to sort out the situation." "Can you tell us what's going on?" "Can we call a member of your family?"