"Cleaned, corrected, re-synced, dialogue added etc. by Tronar (still sub-standard, but it was very low quality material to begin with)" "Dear nephew!" "Hope you haven't resorted to piracy yet." "Although after three years in Norway, I wish I had." "Like the Albinos of Lagos we are isolated from the rest of the society and they break our spirits by humiliating us." "A process they call integration." "They say Norway is a cold country, so far the worst cold I have felt has not come from the climate," "[Asylum application rejected] but from the hearts of the Norwegians." "But you know your Uncle." "I never lose my faith in Humanity." "Go home!" "Foolish man." "What did I do?" "No, nothing!" " What did you say?" " Stop!" "2 hours earlier" "I'm in the hall, and the business-guru gets me up on the stage and says:" ""Torgeir, how do we solve this problem?"" "He wants me to peel a banana." "I'm thinking easy-peasy and start." ""No no, that's wrong." And he puts on a video of a gorilla doing it." "And don't you think the monkey does it opposite?" "It starts there." "See?" "Tell me if I get this straight I pay you to take eh... a business seminar and you know how to peel a banana?" "Jesus!" "The banana is a metaphor, you know?" "The gorilla teaches you to see a problem from a different angle." "Ok that's it no more school for you these big words could cause a brain damage." "Fuck." "How fast was I going?" " Pretty fast." "What am I going to have to buy to get out of this one?" "Maybe if you start thinking like a monkey you will see the problem with a different perspective." "The point with the ball of discrimination is that everything can be messed with." "Right?" "By joking and messing around in a safe environment as this   we take the sting out of the dangerous words." "Take this!" "Mocha-man!" " Pale-face!" " Pale-face, that's funny." " Browny!" " Potato!" "You see?" "Anything goes." "The words have no meaning." " Soot-pipe!" " Fucking whore cunt!" "No, that's not ok, Balotelli." "It's sexist." "Today's theme is racism, and that's what we're messing around with." "You have to learn that if you want to be Norwegian." " Norwegian?" " Where are you going?" "Balotelli!" " Isn't he responsible for the food today?" " Let him be, the food is ready." "Mussel!" "Asshole!" "Do you want to speed things up, bananas for brains?" "This thing is very hard." "My mate said he had sawn it right off." "You know what?" "Step aside." "Yes." "That works, too." "Say what you want about these development country people, but they sure know about cake." "Ah!" "You like this new job ay?" "Yeah, I really love driving colored people around." "There's worse jobs I could think of." "Check it out" "Johnny popped the Nordseter hill photobox." "It will look classy in our livingroom, yes?" "You know these are digital now, right?" "Digital photos." "They'll laugh their asses of when they see your pictures." "Welcome everyone." "Very nice to have the Flamingo club managers here with us today." "Now that we are part owners, it is only fitting for us to have a very nice dinner together." "Our eminent African cook has made us a nice treat." "Enjoy." "Chef from a country with no food." "Sounds promising." "Yum-yum-yum!" "San Antonio!" "This is real food." "Sure." "Balotelli was a boating refugee." "Seven years in transit in Sicily." "So he probably picked up a couple of tricks." "This is pure Martorano's." "I'm so glad you like it." "Like?" "You like happy endings in massage parlors." "This is Sophia Loren swimming naked in the Fontana di Trevi filled with prosecco." "This is love." "I gotta meet this chef!" "Bring him out for a bow." "Help!" "Help!" "Balotelli?" "That's him?" "Come on!" "Everybody stay calm." "That's what you get for fucking with our niggers." "No more Tarantino movies for you!" "You racist scum!" "Personally, I do not believe in violence, but, thank you." "Isn't that nice?" "That is nice." "Just like my grandmother used to make." "That seals the deal." "You are cooking for me at the club." "His asylum application was rejected..." "Eh... yes, they are sending him home, you know." "What?" "Forget about it!" "This guy stays." "We don't have authority to do anything with a decision made by the Immigration Authority." "Send back some other gagoose." "You don't have any..." "Maybe you can explain Johnny how things work around here?" "Well, eh..." "Yeah, yeah." "Why don't you explain to Johnny how things are done around here?" "Maybe, it couldn't hurt if we were talking to the responsible clerk?" "Good idea." "There they hurt all the time, but here is good." "We feel safe." "Suddenly come black man!" "He cut head!" "He kill!" "He wants to own, he wants!" "He owns you all." "Understand?" " That's our guy?" " Hmm..." "Read about it in Samora." "Roleplay, you know." "Pretending to be Ugandian refugees, to understand asylum seekers better." "Die!" "You die!" "If you feel you're dieing, you are scared." "No!" "On your knees!" "Damn deserter!" "Sure your up to this huh?" " It's been a long time Bjørn." " Yes." " Nice to see you." " Likewise." " Kids ok?" "Is it five or six you have?" " Five." "With three different wives." " Regarding Odera Adebayo's case." " Yes, Odera." "It was rejected." "Listen, eh..." "I've read already about foreign mutus feasting off our welfare tit." "But this guy's different, I tell you, he could really contribute." "My partner likes to joke around." "We don't play games." "Yes..." "Well then... we just have to take off the gloves." "You know, Bjørn, there are some rumors about you,   so I stopped by your house for some documentation." "As far as I'm aware there are no filipino au-pair employed by you." "What the heck..." "This is insane." "Are you sneaking around taking pictures of my adopted daughter?" "Adopted daughter?" "I'm sorry, is this is the second floor?" "We're obviously in the wrong office, come on my friend." "That went well." "A total miss." "A big question-mark over Balotelli now." "You better get used to the Norwegian packed lunch." "Mmm, I don't know about that." "We've been peeling the banana from the wrong end." "â™?" "Coming now, the spring is coming now â™?" "â™?" "Coming now, now, the spring is coming now. â™?" "Do you recognise this guy?" "It is..." "Well..." "Well know..." "He..." " He wanted me to sell his car." " Yes, we know that." " He crashed and killed himself at FÃ¥berg." " Ouch." "That was sad." "Was a damn... damn sympathetic type." "What happened to him?" "The main theory was that he skidded off the road, but..." "Yes, no..." "Foreigners on snow..." "That's the way it goes." "Well, our forensic guy has found something which he can't understand." " Laila." "Scotland Yard is here." " OK, you take over here then, David." "Yes..." "The victim was found with a knitting needle in his throat." "Is that right?" " Are you nervous?" " No, I'm completely calm." "Nice to have you here sir, How can we help you?" "Inspector, you speak very good English." "Detective Smith, Scotland Yard." "We spoke on the telephone regarding the Hammer case." "Yes, here is the file." "Oh, eh... actually we are not quite finished with the case yet." "Well it was obviously an accident, wouldn't you say?" "Please, take this, we'll just make a new one for ourselves." "Um, perhaps we could meet afterwards and discuss details." "I could buy you dinner, tea, whatever you like." "Thank you, it sounds delightful, but it looks as though I'm going to be kept busy with paperwork all over the weekend." "Before I go, could I possibly use your toilet?" "Of course." "Our facilities are always at The Yards disposal." "Takk." "That's how the pros work, Laila." "According to the cops, your brother accidentally stabbed himself to death with a knitting needle whilst driving." "Yeah, catching up with his knitting whilst doing 150 mile an hour in his Ferrari on these icy Norwegian roads?" "I don't think so!" "That's definitely the guy that was handling Duncy's car." "Hey lady!" "You can't smoke in here!" "Yes, I can darling." "We have concluded there are no humanitarian reasons for us to let you stay in this country." "You can't do this." "No." "No, no, no!" "No!" "What is this?" "Yes." "They are in dream-land." " Already?" " Yes." "I just put them here." "My heart rhythm lull them to sleep." "It's not often I meet men that are so good with kids." "It's not the only thing I'm good at." " Did you drink milk from me?" " What?" "It felt like you were sucking." "I barely touched it, they're probably bursting with milk." "Yes, but it just felt on purpose..." "But... it wasn't." "Mm!" "Sour cream and onion." "It's good." "Cheers!" "Technical support." "This is Gareth from London speaking." "What is your problem, sir?" "Eh... my problem is eh... computers." "That's why I'm kind of calling, you see?" "We run two businesses here and we have ten machines and none of them fucking work." "Right, eh." "Maybe you could read me the serial number on one of them?" "Hold on!" "It's a Y374200725." "These computers are not licensed sir," "I'm going to have to report you to the police." "Excuse me!" "I'm the guy running this joint." "I think there has been some kind of misunderstanding here." "No misunderstanding, sir." "Just the discovery of illegally acquired hardware." "Listen, "Gareth"." "You're about as English as I am." "You're actually some Punjabi rotting away in some callcenter in Mumbai, am I right or am I right?" "Actually, I'm in New Delhi, sir." "That right?" "How about I buy you a cow or two or some shit like that?" "And you forget this call ever took place?" "Just a minute, my friend." "Here we are." "I had to switch to the secure line." "Good thinking." "Take into consideration my offer?" "Here is my counter offer:" "You deposit 50,000 US dollars on an account in the Cayman Islands." "50 Gees huh!" "Well it's not going to happen." "Good!" "I'll notify the police." "Ok, kiddie." "Your right." "Get your samosas all on an uproar." "Ever heard of Norway?" "Of course, the land of A-ha, my favourite call waiting music, so sad and melancholic, but yet so catchy." "Yeah, whatever." "I run an immigration center here." "I can have my boys draw up some fake papers and bring you over right away." "I'm listening." "The women here are beautiful." "The most sexually liberated in the world." "Great." "When do I book my flight?" " What in your inside pocket?" " Huh?" " This?" "I bought it at CC." " You think I was born yesterday?" "Sambo!" "This is bullshit!" " Hey, hey, hey!" "What's going on?" " This guys is completely Ku Klux Klan!" " Watch your mouth!" "Blackie!" " Calm down!" "You want me to call your girlfriend?" "I know what happened   in the disabled toilet at Flamingo's last weekend." "You and the wardrobe lady." "And a toilet brush." "Fine." "Enjoy the soda." "Fuck sake, what a moron!" " Film evening?" " A small guilty pleasure: "Dirty Dancing"." " Haven't seen that for a while." " Join me then." " Yes." "It is a classic." " That it is." " You saved me again, Torgi." " My name is Torgeir, not Torgi." "Torgi, Torgar..." "Some names you Norwegians have." " I'll call you Toro instead." "Toro!" " Toro?" "Like the soup?" "Not soup." "Italiano." "In Italian "il toro" means bull." "It suits you." "You are as tough and fearless as a bull." " What..." "What did you just do?" " Whoops!" "I..." "I misunderstood." "Are you not with it?" "I... just got the vibe." "That vibe - you certainly didn't get it from me!" "Can't you read?" "By the way..." "I got some Indian kid coming in." "I want you to help set him up with a new identity." "You want me to do what?" "Give him a call and eh... tell him what to say to the border authorities." "That's a very serious crime." "And your point is?" "Well, you know its..." "Honestly, if you prefer" "I can always shut down the refugee centre and eh... take care of the problem with your salary." "No!" "No!" "I will see what I can do." "Hey, Detective Smith." "Are you..." "Are you getting questioned by Scotland Yard?" " What do you mean?" " What did they want with you?" "They..." "Why do you ask?" "You almost have to..." "Talk with my lawyer about it." "Get in the fucking car." "Boys, look at this." "That guy from baby swimming." "I nicked the surveillance tape from the pool." " Madonna mia!" " Check that out!" "I've seen enough." "Wow!" "Where did you get it?" "I guess I'm just one of those dads that like to that like to bring a little something home from a business trip." "It's perfect." "Ok, I'm gonna go." "Sure you don't want to stay for a cup of tea or..." "No no no." "I don't want to mess up with your tea party." "You know." "I'll be around." "Say bye to daddy." "Bye daddy!" "Bye!" "You so good at waiving." "Look what daddy brought?" "But?" "What is this?" "What is this here?" " Is that the bra I gave you for your birthday?" " Sure it is." "Oh my God..." "Practice makes perfect, Balotelli." "Very good!" "Excuse me, madam?" "Could you bring me some paper tissues and some darjeeling tea?" "Thanks." "What's your name?" "It's so long and complicated." "It's all there in my passport." "Where are you from?" "Afghanistan." "Ok, where in Afghanistan?" "You're accent is a bit strange." "Well, you know." "The part with the mountains." "Where it says genital mutilation, just cross "yes" or "no"." "Jan!" "I need to speak to you!" "What's the thing with the new guy from "Afghanistan"?" "What do you mean?" "The police checked all his papers." "All in order." "It suddenly became all in order when you contacted them." " What do you insinuate?" " That guy is an Indian gold digger." "We found this passport a week ago." "Only the picture is different." "Johnny asked for help." "An Indian guy that wanted to come to Norway." "What's the problem?" "We're only giving a poor guy a new chance." " There's a word for it." " Philanthropy." " Trafficking!" " No!" "Randi!" "Stop it." "What makes you think that I'll keep shut about this?" "If you don't, I might have to spank your cute little bottom." "Ohh!" "Is that who I think it is?" "Remember Gareth?" "Yeah, Gareth." "Welcome to paradise." "He's been here for 5 minutes and already hacked into the public roads office servers helping us out with the little photo-radar eh... situation." " Yeah, you're doin' that shit, eh?" " Do not insult me!" "I hacked into the Pentagon before I grew my first pubic hair." " Cocky fucker?" " Yeah, he is a cock." "He is a cocky.. eh..." "he is eh... really clever." "Oh." "Look at us." "Gareth has checked that nobody has downloaded it from the server yet." "So if we delete it now we're home free." "Wait a minute." "Got an idea." "You know... with the pool pervert?" "Yeah, you mean... him?" "Yeah." "Can we make it so that this guy is driving the car?" "Of course, I could do that shit in '95." "I'm going to like this kid." "Alright, let's put a beer can in his hand." "One beer can coming up!" "Oh, that's beautiful!" "Where am I?" "Nigeria." "Sir?" "For you." "Hello?" "Hi pal!" "Enjoying the trip?" "Yeah... what is this?" "I was so inspired by that war simulation program." "I figured, you send my guy to Nigeria," "I send you to test the waters." "Are you... are you mad?" "What do you think the police will say when I tell them about what you have done?" "Take this into consideration:" "Small time night club owner has the resources to put you in a box and send you to Africa." "You gotta ask yourself." "Do you really want to continue to fuck with that guy?" "Another scenario:" "You play nice." "You keep your fucking mouth shut you keep Balotelli here and I'll get you home safe." "Ok, Ok, I play nice." "Good." "I need more onions!" "Come on!" "How are you?" "Good to see you." "Oh!" "Look who's here!" " My friend." " Thank you." "Here is the paperwork." "From a friend." "Thattaboy!" "I just have to ask you something." "Why this guy?" "Wait and taste those meatballs." "Ok." "Let me get this straight." "You drug me and send me to Africa." "Just because of some meatballs." "They are really something special." "What are you doing?" "Putting Ketchup on the pasta." "No, you are not." "That's not a hamburger." "Would you put a mustache on the "Mona Lisa"?" "Don't answer that!" "Swear to god, these Norskis." "They are still vikings without the stupid hat." " Are you ok?" " Yes, just needed some air." "There's something I wanted to ask you, brother." "Have you ever had erotic fantasies about... about someone that is not..." "not a woman?" "Animals and shit, like?" "No." "A human, but not a woman." "Not..." "Are you sick in the head?" "Of course I haven't!" " Who are you dreaming about?" " I don't have dreams like that." " Why do you ask then?" " It's just... small talk." "You gotta work on your small talk- skills, they suck dick!" "Fuck sake." " Bend to your right." " Ok." " And left." " Fuck sake." " I've been so fucking tense lately." " We'll sort that out." " Lie down on your stomach." " Yes." "I think it's time we had a little talk about what happened to my brother." "Please I don't know anything!" "I've heard acupuncture is really good for the memory." "Now what happened to my fucking brother!" "Ok!" "Ok!" "I'll tell you." "Yes, that's what can happen when you forget to shut the gate to the cows." "But from crime case to crime author." "Because Oppland county is getting it's very own Jo NesbÃ¸." " Welcome here, Laila Hovland." " Many thanks for that." "The reviewer suggests that the police chief in your book shares similarities with your boss, Arve Ã˜stil." " What do you say to that?" " No, what would one normally say?" "Any similarities with living or dead is just coincidence." "But you can't deny that today's police chiefs gets criticized?" " Chief?" " I'm a bit busy now." " You'll have time for this." " Oh?" "But.. jeez..." "Assault and Battery." "Urinating in public." "Armed robbery!" "Don't they sift their agents out over there?" " I think it's an imposter, chief." " Alright, really?" "Wow..." "Thank you all for how you received my food." "And a special thanks to the man who made this possible." "Don Giovanni, this song is for you." "Listen to this kid." "He's got soul." "Yeah, he's got soul." "Shut the hell up, fucking blackie!" "What the fuck!" "Dear Nephew The most wonderful thing has happened here in the cold north." "I've finally found some friends." "They don't like black people." "They prefer the white homosexuals but they just can't help themselves." "They love Balotelli." ""Integration can succeed""