"Oh, I love going to aquatic parks." "Sure, they have worse rides than amusement parks, less fish than aquariums- but the parking is ample!" "(Marge humming)" "Now to seal you in for safety." "Oh, there's so many photo ops, but I already filled up my camera in the parking lot." "Parking lot C sign, the tram, a license plate from Canada, a bird eating potato chips, my feet walking, that boy who got sick on the tram," "Grampa talking to a mermaid hedge, the park rules in Spanish, a fat baby," "Grampa telling a story to a trailer hitch." "(ding) Oops!" "I erased them all!" "I want to do that!" "(mechanical whirring)" "(gasping)" "I'm going to take stuff from the lost and found!" "(humming)" "(chuckles)" "(people screaming)" "My feet hurt!" "left ear's freezing!" "My right ear's burning!" "I got fish smell in my wrinkles!" "(grunts)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Attention, exploro-nauts!" "That's us!" "In one minute, we'll be starting our rock-quatic roll-tacular!" "Hurry!" "If we don't get a seat in the splash zone," "I've worn my bathing suit under my clothes for nothing!" "GRAMPA:" "A splash-'em-up show?" "Reminds me of the time I hig h-dived into a damp sponge for the amusement of Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker." "Grampa, no stories!" "You can come with us, or sit here on the shark bench." "You know, I did sit on a shark once... d, bathing suit!" "(grunts)" "Oops!" "No bathing suit." "* *" "Let's give a wet and wacky welcome to Springfield's oldest performing mollusk..." "Get to the show!" "This is the show!" "Here's the original Octomom:" "Slimu!" "* Whoa!" "*" "* I feel good *" "(applause, cheering)" "* I knew that I would... *" "Slimu!" "Did you get my letters?" "Slimu wasn't expecting company, so he's got some cleaning up to do!" "*..." "I wouldn't now *" "* So good *" "(muffled laughter)" "Slimu looks kind of uncomfortable." "Wouldn't you be if you were a saltwater fish in a freshwater aquarium?" "The country has its first black president." "Maybe it's time for the first octopus president!" "("Hail to the Chief" playing)" "And when it comes to signing bills, he can provide his own ink!" "Ahh, oily!" "(cheering and applause)" "They'll cheer a dancing octopus, but not an old man complaining about everything." "Excuse me, sir." "Is this seat taken?" "Well, not for a pretty girl like you!" "(chuckles nervously)" "Well, this is the first time I ever sat on a shark." "Not me-- sat on a real one once!" "Tell me more!" "More?" "!" "(gasps)" "Play it cool, Grampa." "Play it cool!" "It was back in World War II." "I was a Seaman First Class on the USS World War I." "We were minding our own business when we were attacked by a hea t-seeking torpedo we had fired the day before." "(explosion)" "(men screaming)" "(gasps)" "Don't worry about the sharks, boys." "Just play possum and they'll leave you alone." "GRAMPA:" "Unfortunately, sharks love possum." "Hey, boys, these sharks can't bite us if we're on their backs!" "(grunts) Yeah." "It's like riding the Cyclone back at Coney Island!" "Whoa!" "It's like riding a dust devil back in Yuma-- like I read about in a book back in Boston!" "GRAMPA:" "By the time the rescue planes came, we had those sharks trained pretty good." "I still keep in touch with all those men and some of the sharks." "Why, here's us in Hawaii last year." "Good times." "Sir, my name is Marshall Goldman." "I'm a newspaper columnist specializing in human interest stories." "You're in the newspaper business?" "(chuckles)" "Something that's gonna die before I do!" "You have any other stories you'd care to tell me?" "Someone's listening to me!" "Now I know how a radio feels!" "(school bell ringing)" "Well, class, it's Friday afternoon." "That means it's time to find out which one of you gets to take Larry the Lamb home for the weekend." "(all sigh) Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "And don't forget, the lucky student gets to add his or her page to Larry's personal journal." "Just like Martin did last week." "Ha!" "I want him first!" "No, me!" "Oh, not that stupid stuffed lamb again." "This isn't learning!" "Do you want to learn?" "No, no, no." "I'm just saying..." "This weekend," "Larry will go home with... (all gasp)" "Please, God, I need this." "...Bart Simpson." "(all groan)" "Oh, cruel irony!" "Hey, the only thing I bring home are notes to my parents, and those do not arrive the way that they left." "Hmm." "Oh, what a nice note!" "I'm not sticking my hand in that can again." "You're getting the lamb." "Not so fast." "Tell the diary how special he makes you feel!" "More adjectives!" "That's an adverb!" "(grunts)" "(sizzling)" "Top of the morning, Homer." "Seen the paper?" "No, I get my news off the Internet." "(laughing)" "Well, sir, it looks like your dad is a quotable notable." "Huh?" "That's a..." "It's funny." "It's poignant..." "It actually happened!" "My father is interesting?" "!" "The whole world's upside down!" "That must mean Cathy is funny." "Nope." "Abe, I never knew you were so full of... (speaking Yiddish)!" "What does that mean?" "It's like (speaking Yiddish), but with a pinch more (speaking Yiddish)!" "Yep, I may just be the best known Abraham in history." "So, Abe, what else you got for me?" "Hmm, well, let's see." "Ooh, I was working as a shoeshine boy at Springfield Union Station." "* *" "Every Monday, the Tinseltown Starliner would stop at 1:17 p.m. on its way to Hollywood." "I never rode that train, but I'd palaver with the movie stars when they got out to stretch their legs." "Hiya!" "(clicking)" "But none was more memorable than..." "Clark Gable!" "Looks like someone has seen my work as an extra in Du Barry, Woman Of Passion." "I sure have, Mr. Gable." "How come you ain't a star yet?" "Maybe my ears are too big." "I don't know." "(laughs)" "Hey, what you reading there?" "Oh, it's called" "Gone with the Wind." "You can have it." "It's only got one swear word, and not a very good one." "Gone with the Wind, eh?" "Well, let's see: garbage, garbage, my line." "Garbage, garbage, my line." "Atlanta burns, nice dresses." "I like it!" "Thanks, kid." "Don't tell this story to anyone for 60 years." "(train whistle blowing)" ""Clark Gable owes me a book." ""And he never paid me for the shoeshine." ""But his big blue eyes could melt the butter" ""you kept in your pocket for lunch." "Lunch butter we called it."" "How come Grampa never shared those stories with us?" "He does all the time." "You just never listen." "Marge, my brain is like a computer, and I file away Grampa's stories in a very special place." "(crunching)" "Hmm, while I'm up there." "(crunching)" "(dings)" "(chuckles)" "(beeps)" "Uh-oh." "(dog barking)" "(growling) That's it, boy!" "Go for the nards!" "Bart!" "If you're not gonna take care of him right, then give him to me." "How come you don't get mad when I torment real animals?" "I do!" "It enrages me!" "I thought you Hindus were supposed to love everybody." "I'm a freaking Buddhist!" "A Buddhist!" "Larry, please don't judge our whole family by Bart." "He's the black sheep." "I mean, not that black sheep are in any way inferior to white sheep." "I do not judge wool by its color-- only by how itchy it is." "(chuckles) Ooh, look!" "Jazz!" "Larry, what sub-genre of jazz do you like?" "Fusion?" "Neo-bop?" "Afro-Cuban?" "(gasps)" "Larry!" "Gotcha!" "(screams)" "(water splashing)" "Larry?" "Oh, Larry?" "Larry?" "You're coming off desperate, honey." "That's how I got my idea for a suitcase with wheels, from watching a commercial about a suitcase with wheels." "(all sigh)" "Hey, Abe, great stories." "I'm Mitch Albom, author of Tuesdays with Morrie." "Never heard of you." "Yeah." "Sure you haven't." "Take a hike, Hollywood." "I've already got a college boy to turn my every word into syndicated gold." "Yeah, beat it, sports page." "And what if I don't?" "(grumbling)" "(grumbling)" "(grumbling)" "(groans)" "Clouds are God's sneezes." "Ooh, I like this kid." "(humming)" "Oh, Dad, I got you some Scotch." "One of those fancy ones the checkout lady had to unlock the cabinet to get." "Well, well, well, look who decided to visit me twice in one year." "This man's more of a son to me than you've ever been."