"One of the best things about New York is that on any night there are a million things to do." "One of the worst things about New York is trying to pick one." "Those floors next door are in worse shape than yours." "Shall I try to get us into "Town."?" "That restaurant in Chambers Hotel with the period in the name" " Town, period." "It's supposed to be amazing, exclamation point." "You know what sounds amazing to me?" "A hot shower, watching the game, bucket of KFC, mashed potatoes, biscuits." " It's Saturday night." " It's finger-lickin' good." "K, period!" "F, period!" "C, period!" "Get over here and do me!" "Is that your standard greeting?" "I thought it was Richard." "He said he'd call back four hours ago!" "I've been waiting." "My dinner's arriving in a bucket." "Do you want to go out?" "Immediately!" "I'll conference in the others." "It's the only way to do three-way phone sex." " York/MacDougal residence." " It's for me!" "I've got it!" " First time we've talked today." " We're going out." " Who's on the phone?" " All of us." "It's the future!" " Why are you calling so late?" " It's 7:30." "Were you asleep?" "I'm pregnant." "I'm spending my last months of freedom in bed." " Don't spend them alone in bed." " Go on without me." "Save yourselves!" "We're all going." "We have to stop ourselves becoming officially boring." "I say we go dancing." "But not somewhere where no one's interested because I'm fat." " You're not fat, you're pregnant." " Men will be lining up at the door." "I know exactly where we should go!" "That night, we answered the age-old question:" ""Where are all the hot guys?" The hot gay guys." "They were at the hot gay club, Trade." " I feel like we don't belong here." " That's because we're wearing shirts!" "Why don't straight men have bodies like this?" "If straight men could have sex at the gym, they'd work out all the time too." "I've had sex at the gym." "Samantha's motivating the masses." " I'm going to the ladies." " Me, too." "I bet there's no line." "We'll meet you at the bar." " It's Anthony!" " What are you doing here?" "We're just shaking things up." "You remember Carrie?" " Love what you're almost wearing." " Day-Glo underwear." "Look into it." "This is my friend Gordon, design editor for "House  Garden"." "Oh, my God!" "I love that magazine!" "I used to wear my mother's pearls and flip through it!" "Me, too!" "I've got a great "before" apartment." "You should see Charlotte's apartment." "It's gorgeous!" "We're doing an urban issue." "Maybe I'll check it out." "If my apartment could be in HG magazine, I'd be in heaven!" "You are pretty." "Do you want to dance?" "How long have you worked there?" " I wind him up, she cashes in." " You two together?" "I'm hoping we will be around 3:30." " Dance?" " No, you kids go have fun." " Watch out for the fairy." " Which one?" " Attention, gentlemen." "Ladies present." " Sorry." "There's no ladies' room because..." "Excuse me." "Thanks!" "Don't mind me." "Just looking." "It's like being a diabetic at Baskin-Robbins." "Sir..." "Hello?" "Excuse me!" "Over here!" "Hello?" "Anybody?" " What do you need?" " A penis, evidently." "I'm trying to order a Dirty Martini." "A Dirty Martini for the lovely Carrie Bradshaw." " Thank you." " Oliver Spencer." "I've been here six months." "Your column is my New York survival guide." "You're a dead man." "I have no idea what I'm talking about." " What do you do?" " I'm a shoe distributor." " It would be cruel to kid me." " All the top lines." " Offices here, Sydney and Milan." " So you get a discount?" "For special friends and columnists." " Cheers." " Cheers to you." " What's this?" " What?" "That." "This." " I keep forgetting I'm engaged." " You can't go off the market!" " I'm allowed to see other gays." " Let me take you to brunch." "I'll give you my card." "What's this?" "A goody-bag?" "I was at a film release party earlier." " "Jocks  Cocks 4"." " They said it was a Merchant Ivory." "Would I enjoy this if I missed one, two and three?" "Yes, but you'd want to see those eventually." "Very important films." "Max!" "Hi." "Max was a junior associate at Miranda's firm." "And apparently gay." " I had no idea." " I didn't know you were a gay man." "I'm here with friends and there's no ladies' room because..." "Listen, Miranda." "I'd prefer if we didn't make an issue out of this at work." "I wouldn't want the older partners to treat me differently." "I totally understand." "Between you and me, I'm pregnant." "And unwed." "You should spend less time in gay clubs." " Seriously, good for you." " That remains to be seen." "I haven't told anybody at work." "Goodbye to all the good cases and eventually the buzzards will start vying for my office." "It is a very nice office." "What did I miss?" "I peed in the men's room and outed a co-worker." " I got a phone number and some porn." " I saw two dicks and took "X"." " And I almost slept through this." " You took ecstasy from a stranger?" "He was a friend of my friend Bobby's friend Bobby." "Then you know it's safe." "Will we be going to a rave later?" "No, but I might visit Richard." "Sex on "X" is meant to be amazing." " It releases all your inhibitions." " You have inhibitions?" " Oh, my God." "Look!" " Three dicks and counting!" "They say opposites attract." "They don't mention that opposites also tend to have opposite views on what constitutes a rocking Saturday night." "How was your night?" "I've got a goody-bag." "Know what's in it?" "Come on." "I had to fight a foreigner for it." "Come here." "Just tuck in here and let's go to sleep." " I'm not tired yet." " You will be." "Hey, you." "I had five cocktails." "I danced with a lot of fine, half-naked men." "If you were to wake up right now, I can almost guarantee you would be in for some F U N." "I ate too much chicken, I think." "Will you rub my belly, baby?" "I know it was wrong to compare, but I felt like I had spent the evening in a Calvin Klein ad and now I was back to baseball, buckets and BVDs." "Meanwhile, Samantha was having excellent sex." "That was amazing!" "You were amazing." "I love you, Richard." "I'm in love with you." " You told him you loved him?" " It was the "X" talking." " All I wanted was to have sex." " Then what did he say?" " Nothing." "He just went to sleep." " Is it possible he didn't hear you?" "He heard me." "Can I get a cab?" "If he was a gentleman, he'd pretend it never happened." " But you did have sex?" " Of course we had sex." "Aidan and I didn't." "He fell asleep and I watched gay porn." "That's what happens when you say "l love you"." " So do you love him?" " Who the hell knows?" " Maybe the "X" knows." " It makes you giddy." "I was in love with the taxi driver, the doorman, his sweater!" "But you only said it to Richard." "I am never taking "X" again." "It is a dangerous drug!" "That afternoon, I was high on another feel-good drug: the new gay friend." " Could you be more fantastic?" " They say you can't meet men in bars!" "It was true last night." "I wanted to meet someone new." "Just a shag." "I've got a boyfriend in Sydney." "The only person I met was you." "Not that I'm disappointed." "Your boyfriend doesn't mind if you date other men?" " Not date." "Have sex with." " Right." "The international gay rules." "Blow jobs only." "No last names." "The gym is a free space." "Don't show up at the same place with the same shirt." "I crossed over into another set of rules." "You've worked out more options than "till death do us part"." "I find that a little limiting." "I know monogamous gay couples." "But I'm a realist." "I don't expect to get everything from one man." "I shouldn't say this to someone wearing a ring." "What's with you and this ring?" "You haven't even mentioned him." " What's Aidan like?" " He's very tall." "And incredibly kind." "And handsome." "Why would you leave that at home?" "He wanted to stay in with a bucket of chicken." "He would have made my dad so proud!" "Have you been to Bungalow 8?" "No, but I hear it's a pretentious, tiny club you need a key to get into." " I have a key." " When are we going?" "If it isn't little Carrie Bradshaw!" "Young Stanford!" "How are you?" "At the moment, confused." "Who's this?" " Oliver Spencer, Stanford Blatch." " Pleasure to meet you." "I don't mean to be rude, but I must go to the men's room." " I've just been." "You'll love it." " Really?" " I'll be right here." " I'll be right back." "So..." "I saw how you were behaving." "You're sleeping with the beautiful man." " The beautiful man is gay." " Damn." "An accent always throws me." "He's only been here six months." "I picked him up at Trade." " You went there without me?" " It wasn't the same." "I was prepared to lose you to Aidan, but this..." "Is just brunch." " I'm green with envy." " You are!" "Fine." "Have your beautiful brunch with your beautiful man then go home to your other beautiful man." "Greedy!" "I started to think about restlessness and relationships." "Once we've found what we want, why are some of us reluctant to let go of our single selves?" "Is single life in New York such a flurry of fun and friends that settling down fills us with the urge to shake things up again?" "Why does becoming a couple imply settling down?" "Maybe we shouldn't expect to get everything from one man, but feel comfortable getting different things from different people." "But when do separate interests become separate bedrooms?" "To be in a couple, do you have to put your single self on a shelf?" "Miranda's workaholic single self was a thing of the past." "Now she was sleeping for two." "It's finally happening." "Stern, Hawkins, Ericsson is moving into the future!" " Excuse me?" "We're moving?" " Casual Friday!" "The entire partnership OK'd it." "Finally." "I've been working on this for two years." " Right." "Great." " Thanks!" "And congratulations!" "Did you tell Celeste I was pregnant?" " Yes, but only in your defence." " What?" "She was telling everyone she saw you sleeping at your desk, and that you might be an alcoholic." " You told her I was pregnant." " lsn't that better?" "No." "Not at a law firm, no." "Sorry." "I told her it was a secret." "She can't keep a secret." "She's probably told everybody." "How would you like it if I told everyone that you were gay?" "Casual Friday has arrived." "Great." "Maybe next you can call my grandparents." " Gay porn!" " What was your first clue?" "You said we were watching an independent film." "Relax." "I've watched it already." "This is really funny!" "That's the way to do it." "No "l love you", just good old fucking." "I am not in the mood for gay porn!" " Not in the mood for gay porn?" " You won't know how it ends." ""House  Garden" wants to shoot my apartment." "Trey doesn't care." "We turned off porn to talk about a magazine?" "He never cares about what I want." "Anthony is more excited about it than Trey." "Gay men understand what's important." "Clothes, compliments and cocks." "And clubs." "Oliver's taking me to Bungalow 8 tomorrow." "You're cheating on Aidan with a gay man." "Gay boyfriends are the loophole of monogamy." "Mine outed me at work." "Then I outed him." "Even my gay relationships are dysfunctional." "Aidan loves to stay in and I love to go out." "He's fine with that." "It's the greatest relationship ever or we're headed..." "For separate bedrooms, like me." "We're in different places." "Trey's content with what we have, so I am a bad person for needing to have a baby." "You're not." "You're a person with needs." " Let's just watch that movie." " I thought you'd never ask!" "Samantha and Richard were taking care of business, but not each other." "No more charity crap if we can't get publicity." "Steve Martin was there." " He's the toast of New York!" " The toast of "The New Yorker"." "Are we going to talk about this?" "The thing I said the other night." "Samantha, you were high on "X"." "Believe me, I've been there!" "Good." "OK, then." "Once it was clear that her "l love you" didn't matter," "Samantha realised she wished it did." " You'll yell at "The Times"?" " I already did." "Did you need something else?" "She wanted to say it wasn't the drug, but she ignored her real feelings." "Fuck you at my place, eight o'clock?" "Sounds good." "On Casual Friday," "Miranda and Max came out of the closet with their casual clothes." "Miranda showed up as a proud single-mother-to-be." "Max showed up as a proud gay man with a sense of style." "But when they saw Max's sense of style, that was the end of Casual Friday." " Pretty." " For the photo-shoot tomorrow." "Would you please move your stuff out of the guest room?" " They're photographing in there?" " I don't know." "It doesn't look good with us sleeping in separate rooms." "No, it doesn't, does it?" "They want us to dress nicely but not too formal." " I'm in the picture?" " They want to photograph both of us." " Why?" " They think we're the perfect couple." "I know." "But I promised and they're coming." " I don't want to do this." " It's just one picture." " It's important to me." " I don't want to do this any more." "You were so angry at me." "I'm sorry." "I want a baby." "I thought that's what you wanted, too." "So did I." "I don't think I should have to give that up." "You shouldn't." "You can have the apartment." "I'll move back in with mother." "Their separate interests had become more than separate bedrooms." "They'd become a real separation." "Meanwhile, I tried to find a way for my single self and my couple self to coexist." "There you go." " Where are you going all dressed up?" " I told you I was going out." " I have to see Bungalow 8." " What's that, a play?" "It's a hot club." "I need to know about these things." "Some people consider my column a New York survival guide." "What's going on here?" "It's just something I'm trying." "It's closer to my heart this way." " Are you going out with the girls?" " This guy, Oliver Spencer." " A guy?" " He's gay." "Cool." "I am done for the night." "Do you want me to jump in the shower, and come with?" "I don't know." "I don't know if he can get us both in." " We can get in anywhere." " You need a key." "A key?" "Give me a break!" "That kind of attitude is not appreciated at Bungalow 8." "Why do you even buy into that shit?" "Let's just go out to dinner." "I can't." "I told Oliver." "All right, all right." "Don't forget your key." "We're very exclusive." "We might not let you back in." "Now I feel bad." "I discouraged him from coming." " Call and have him join us." " It's not his scene." "Then break it off." "This is Bungalow 8!" "What's a relationship compared to a night with strangers?" "Oliver Spencer and date." "I'm your date?" "There's one problem with having a handsome gay man as your date:" "other handsome gay men." " I love those open-toed sandals." " I can get you a pair." " What size?" " 11." "Ollie?" "Is there anything to eat at Bungalow 8 or is food so very last year?" "You're in the middle of a spa session, so I'm going." "You're going?" "I left a gorgeous man at home to come here and be your date." "I'm guessing Size 11 did as well." "I'm not really sure why I'm here." "Because you're fantastic." "I'm sorry I was neglecting you." "I'm very bad." "Kiss and make up?" "If it isn't Mr and Mrs Down Under!" "I'd been so preoccupied with my gay boyfriend I forgot my gay husband." " You remember Stanford from brunch?" " It was more than just brunch." "He's just a pretty face." "He doesn't love you like I love you." "I knew this woman when she took the subway and wore Candies." "I never wore Candies." "Pink suede Candies, and I adored you anyway." "How dare you try to steal her away with your probably fake accent!" " I didn't know she was spoken for." " She is." "All right." "Kiss and make up?" "Then I realised my single self life had a shelf life that had just expired." " OK, I'm going." " OK." "No, stay." "We only just got here." " Let me buy you another drink." " I want to go home." "And the surprising thing was, I did." "Honey, I'm home." "How was the Bungalow?" "I've seen better." "Why do you own "Jocks  Cocks 4"?" "More research for the survival guide." "Really?" "What did you learn?" "Give me some of that." "Big thank you to our gay friends." "That's the thing about Manhattan." "The exclusive clubs only have a couple of members and they're hard to find." "Next morning, "House  Garden" came to Charlotte's house." "Fork, fork, knife, spoon!" "Are these people crazy?" "This is perfect." "Upper East Side breakfast for two." "I love this china." "Thanks." "It's our wedding china." "Anthony?" "Could I talk to you a minute?" "I'll be right back." "Is he cute or what?" " Trey and I..." " Splitting up." "I knew it!" "I don't think he's going to be in the picture." "Should we cancel?" "Cancel?" ""HG"!" "Do it without him!" " Won't just me look bad?" " lt'll look beautiful." "He's the heart surgeon, but you're the heart of this." "Look what you did to this place!" "You could take any guy off the street and make him wonderful." "You deserve more than that stick-up-his-ass preppie." "Get in here and have breakfast." " Gordon, it's just going to be..." " Are we ready for the picture?" "One minute." "You don't have to..." "This is important to you." "I at least want to do this." "Handsome husband, beautiful wife having breakfast!" "Smile." "Trey had moved out by the time the magazine came out, but little girls in their mothers' pearls saw the picture and thought:" ""That's what I want."" "That's the thing about relationships:" "sometimes they look prettier from the outside." "And what's inside can be different than it seems."