"See, we think we know what we're capable of... but maybe there's even more to being human than even the scientists know, right?" "I dig science." "I dig oceanography the best." "I mean, this acid that we're on right now... is made by science." "That's what so fuckin' mind-blowing about it." "It's scientific." "I love you." "I love you too." "Bruno, your... your face is all, like, glowing from underneath." "It's like you're one of those lava lamps." "It's like you're made of human taffy." "I am." " Let me try." " No, come on." "I wanna show you something." "I made it!" "I didn't buy it!" "Hey, Bruno, man, nice party." " Crambone, it's all happening, man!" " The moments?" "The motherfuckin' moments, man," " they just keep on comin'!" " Right, right." "Where are we going?" "Higher." "Come on." "Oh, wow." "We shouldn't be up here." "No, we should always be up here." "See... that's the tragedy of life." "The fucking tragedy, Sandy, is that we're all" "My name is Cindy." "See?" "That is a beautiful name too." "There are so many beautiful names!" "I just want to tear every fucking name out, and love every name." "And the hearts, and the blood" " Let's go back to the party now." " No, I gotta go." "Oh, wow." "Bruno?" "♪ We have got to get it together ♪" "♪ We have got to get it together now. ♪" "I'm sorry." "Don't be." "I had nowhere else to go." "It's not a problem." "Where'd you get yourself so messed up?" "It doesn't matter." "Some bar." "When do I get to self-destruct?" " And when do you?" "!" " Claire." "I mean it." "I'm sick of Nate's bullshit." "I hate that he didn't come to our mother's wedding. I'm sick of-- l'm just sick of everything being so fuckin' awful all the time." "I'm sorry, but I am." "I'll take Maya tonight if you want." "No, it's okay, I'll do it." "It's obviously my thing." "Good night." "Good night." " Sweet dreams." " Thanks." "I feel like I've been eating this cake for 1 2 months." "I wasn't gonna say anything." "Well, I guess I better get going." "You could stay over tonight-- if you want." "Here?" "Yeah, if you're too drunk to drive or whatever." " l guess I could do that." " And what's wrong with here anyway?" " Nothing" " Here is where l grew up." "Nothing's wrong with it." "I've just never stayed over your house." " That's all I meant." " Well you can." "That's all I meant." "Look, I'm tired, okay?" "My mother just married some guy." "Let me be a little edgy." "Be whatever you want, I don't give a shit." " So stay over." " Okay!" "Jesus." "I have to drive to Santa Barbara to pick up her body." "To pick up my wife's body." "Go to sleep." "I can't." "It's all so impossible." "It's all so fuckin' impossible." "Just sleep, Nate, it helps." " lt's weird." " What?" "It's quieter here than over at..." "Your place?" "Yeah." "Yeah, it's quieter." "And stranger." "What's so strange?" "Oh, I don't know, the thought that I just got blown in the same bed where my mom used to read me "The Runaway Bunny"?" "And "The Five Chinese Brothers."" "Oh God." "What is that?" "is that Claire?" "No!" "George!" "George!" "Oh, that was nice." "It certainly was." "I'm married again." "And?" "Nothing." "I just never thought I'd be married again." "Are you happy?" "Very." "Me too." "I'm sorry your children couldn't come to the wedding." "Well, they were... very busy." "I get it." "I'd like to meet them, though, sometime." "Brian and Maggie?" "Sure." "You know so much about my family, and I know so little about yours." "I'm sure you'll meet them someday." " At my funeral, if not before." " George!" " lf they even bother to come to that." " George, I'm serious." "Look... you've lived your life one way, I've lived mine another." "The costs are different." "But I can tell you this, every day when I wake up, I'm glad that I'm alive, and if people don't like the way I've done things, that's their business." "But right now, I'm so very happy I've found you." "And I'm looking forward, not back." "Okay?" "Do you think we were too loud?" "It's... possible that we were too loud, yes." " Nate?" " You don't have to say it, I know." "Bye." "Goodbye." "Call me if you need anything." "Yeah, I will." "I waited up until, like, 4:00." " He never showed up." " God, I'm sorry." "No, I couldn't sleep anyway." "Could you believe that?" "I was like completely scandalized." "I never knew the word "George" could sound so obscene." "Good for them." " You want some more coffee?" " Yes, please." "We have all got to get out of this house if they're gonna keep doing that." "Out of the state." "Out of the universe." "What happened to you?" "Lisa's dead." "Oh shit." "Her body washed up near Carpinteria a few days ago." "Some kids found it." "Fuck." "It took the lab till yesterday to figure out it was her." "Do they know what happened?" "She drowned." "She just..." "drowned?" "That's what they said." "No evidence of anything else bad." "But she could swim, right?" "Yeah, it just-- just looks like she drowned." "God." "So I have to-- go to the coroner up there and get her." "I'll come with you." "Thanks." "Nate, what happened to your face?" "I got in a fight." "Good morning, morning glories." "I hope we didn't keep any of you folks up last night." "They found Lisa's body." "She's dead." "Oh, Lord." "I'm sorry." "So am I." "So am I." "Angelica?" "!" "Sweetie, I gotta be at work in like 10 minutes," "David's going up there with Nate, so..." "Wait a minute, honey, okay?" "Angelica, come on!" "Gimme a second." "Why were you so late last night?" "I was at work." "We had this body come in, this young girl." "You don't even want to know." "Thank you for taking such good care of us." "Angelica, I'm serious!" "So, Keith." "So what about him?" "You guys are back together?" "No." "He was there this morning." "He was a little drunk last night, I let him stay over." "I was being polite." "Polite and horny." "And horny." "Thank you for bringing that up." "I never really thought Lisa and I'd be together forever." "I always knew something would come along and end it." "I just didn't want it to be me." "You wouldn't believe how much time I wasted thinking," ""Please don't let it be me that fucks it up."" " And it wasn't." " No?" "Good for me." "You smell terrible." "Cavity fluid, sorry." "The smell of it just permeates everything." "It always smells so cold and lonely." "But then also weirdly sweet, like an old lady's hair." "That's Velvetone." "Moisturizer." "It's to mask the other smell." "I'll take a shower before I come to bed." "When I die, I don't want any of that stuff in me." " Yeah, I don't blame you." " No, I'm serious." "I don't want to be chemicalized and boxed up." "I just want to be taken out to some open space in the forest somewhere, buried right in the ground." "Nothing between me and the earth that made me." "You don't want to end up in a graveyard." "Nate, the whole world's a graveyard." "Anybody home?" " Hello?" " lt's Joe." "From across the way?" "The guy that you didn't-- go on a date with last night?" "Oh, hi, yeah." "Come on in." " Hey." " Hey, what's in the bag?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm all right, I guess." "Well, what's the matter?" "Oh, a friend of mine died." " Oh God, I'm sorry." " Yeah." "I can go if you" "No, stay." "Stay." "I've just been sitting here staring into space all morning." "I've got to get my shit together at some point." " Chinese food?" " Uh, yeah yeah." "Do you want some?" "I got a little extra just in case that you were around." "It's not a date thing." "It's just a neighbor thing." "All right." " You eat shrimp?" " Mmm." "There is some salt-and-pepper shrimp in here somewhere." "I eat everything but mushrooms." "I don't like mushrooms either." "They're too much like parts of people, aren't they?" "They just taste dirty to me." " Here." " Thanks." " What's funny?" " l don't think I've ever had a neighbor who just stops by before." "So, how is it?" "It's interesting." "I don't want to go in there." "Okay." "I'll handle it." "Thanks." "This is the worst one I've had in a long time." "It's like those whales, when they die." " You know what happens?" " No." "Their guts turn to cream and they explode." "All that's left when they wash up on shore" " is a big bag of blubber" " This is my sister-in-law." "Oh, shit shit shit." "I'm sorry." " l thought you were here on business." " l am, and this is my sister-in-law." "You shouldn't talk like that about anybody." " Just wait, hold on a sec." " What?" "It's her jawbone." "They used the dental work to lD her." "And here's your death certificate." " l can help, if you want-- - l've got it." " l'm really sorry, man." " You didn't know." "I just need to drive for a while." "That's fine." "Oh God, Jesus." "Aw fuck." "Oh God, let's get the fuck outta here." " Hey, Barb." " Hi." "I miss her so much." "It's so screwed up." "I know." "Where's Maya?" "Napping." "You guys have to come up to Santa Cruz to the farm." "She'll have a blast with the kids, and Hoyt is so great with the little ones." "She'll love him." "Yeah, we will." "That'll be fun." "And you remember Simon and Shawn." "Hi." " Hi." " Hi." "So, which one of you is which?" " Him." " Him." "Do people like ask you that every time they see you?" " Mmm-hmm." " Mmm-hmm." "Sorry." "How was the flight?" "Very, very long." "Flying over those mountains is a little scary to us." "l-- l took a couple of Ativan." "But you found us okay?" "Once you got here?" "Nope, good directions, no problem." " And the hotel?" " Everything." "Those were good, good directions." "Love that MapQuest." "Oh, that's a good site." "Helluva site." "Extremely helpful." "I'm still a little-- shaken up." "Of course you are." "My little girl is..." "dead." "You want to take a peek at Maya, maybe?" "Yeah, that'd be great." " You're Michaela." " l am." "I'm David." "I remember." "I met you at the wedding." "I'm sorry about your aunt Lisa." "We're not gonna have to see her, are we?" "No." "That's a relief." "Are you, um..." " do you want something to eat?" " Not me." "But I bet the rest of 'em do." "They all love to eat." "I have had this goofy feeling in my ear for, like, a week now." "I think it started the other day, you know, when I took the boys to the beach." " Angelica?" " What?" "I was-- l was wondering maybe, if it wasn't time for you to start looking for a new place." "is he making you do this?" " He is, isn't he?" " No." "You know what?" "That's bullshit." "Don't you think it's time you get on your own two feet?" "I have always been there for you, Vanessa," " whenever you needed anything." " And I've been there for you!" "When it's easy for you." "When it fits for you, you're there for me." "Shit." "Watch your mouth in front of my kids." "I'm sorry, but this ear thing is driving me crazy!" " Angelica" " No, you know what, don't even talk to me, Vanessa." "Don't even talk." "Congratulations." "I'm gonna go pack my things." "Come in." " Can I escape in here for a second?" " Sure." "This house is crawling with people." "There's nowhere to hide." "What are you doing?" "I'm trying to break my eye open." "Ouch." "That's what Olivier called it." "It's learning to see things differently, without all the same tired associations we've made all our sad lives, blah blah blah." "That one's pretty cool." "Yeah, that one is cool." "They're all really cool." "It's fucking Nan Goldin, hello." "So you're back together with Keith, huh?" "I don't know, maybe." "Do you wanna be?" "Hmm." "What I want is... I think I could be happy going back if I could..." "Break your eye open a little?" "Yeah." "If we both could." " Why, is it that hard?" " You tell me." "Yeah, it's the hardest fuckin' thing in the world." "Yeah, it is." "What about you?" "Are you seeing anybody?" " Got a thing for anybody?" " Are you kidding?" "Ugh!" "Everyone is an asshole who ultimately fucks you over." "I am totally done with that." "I'm thinking about becoming like a crazy hermit recluse." " You won't always feel that way." " Yes, I will." " What?" " David." "Everybody's waiting for you in the dining room." "Gotta go." "Thanks for the hideout." "Thanks for listening to me complain about my cushy, alienated life." "Any time." "Okay, here we go, gentlemen." "That's not what Lisa wanted." "With all due respect, Nate, you only knew my daughter for a few years." "I think I have a little better idea than you of what she would have really wanted, if she hadn't been so busy throwing everything" " in my face with her strange ideas." " Mom" "No, Barb!" "She is getting cremated and she is going in the family mausoleum in Coeur d'Alene." "That is final." "Peg, at times like these" "David, the Kimmels have always done it this way." "Tell him, Ed." "We've got a real nice space set aside for her." "It's almost like a little chapel unto itself up on the hill there." "That's not what she wanted, does that matter to you people at all?" "Did she have a plan, or a will or something that we could consult?" " Of course she didn't." " Honey." " She wanted... she didn't want" " What?" "She didn't want to be embalmed." "She didn't want to be cremated." "She just wanted to be put... back into the earth somewhere." "No casket, nothing." "That is just the sickest thing I've ever heard." "Mom." "To be eaten by bugs and worms?" "Yeah, well, you should know that a lot of her already has been eaten by sharks and fish and shrimp!" " Nate!" " Stop yelling at me!" "Tell him to stop yelling!" "She just wanted to return to the earth is how she put it." "Well, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, right?" "Seems pretty clear to me." "I can't believe that you wouldn't want to honor" " your daughter's wishes about this!" " lt seems to me" "What?" "I think we all need to be a little more aware of each other's grief right now, and a little less aggressive." "It would be nice to do something that bears some relation to what Lisa would have wanted." "Thank you." "But if that's not possible-- l'm sorry, I can't deal with this." "David, you're gonna have to deal with this." "Um... why not..." "Why not what, David?" "Let's all start to try thinking in terms of a middle ground." " Yeah." " Hey, it's me." "Hey." "What's going on?" "Not much." "Or a fuckin' lot, I guess." "Where are you, can you talk a second?" "Sure." "Yeah. I was just on my way to grab coffee with these... two absolute idiots who think they're revolutionaries because they just went to their first flash mob." "So the later I am, the better." "Say something, speak." "Well, um... you know my sister-in-law Lisa, she was missing for, like, a really long time." "They just found her body." "She's dead." "Holy fuckin' shit, Claire." "Yeah." "It's really fucked up, isn't it?" "Claire, I'm so sorry." "Yeah." "Nate, she's their little girl." "If something happened to Maya, you'd be a nightmare to deal with." "That's not the point and you know it." "It's their last chance to be her parents." " l'm her husband, so the fuck what?" "!" " Should I, perhaps, leave?" "No!" "Look, you know I'm with you on this." "I'm sorry, that's not painfully fuckin' obvious!" "That's because, you asshole, I'm trying to keep everybody happy!" " Well, it's working." " l know it's not working!" "I think I could go re-alphabetize those unclaimed cremains while you guys" "Arthur!" "Or I can do that later, also is good for me too." "You just honest-- you just tell me, do you think it's okay for that fuckin' hydra-- which, incidentally, was what Lisa called her, okay?" "Do you think it's okay for her to burn my wife up in an oven and stick her in a drawer?" "When all that Lisa wanted was to be outside somewhere under the stars?" "No, but what you're suggesting is against the law." "We could lose our license." "Look, I know you want to do a good thing for Lisa." "They do too, so do I." "We all want to do a good thing." "I'm over here." "What can I do for you?" "I'm looking for someone to, uh... I wanted to make a confession." "Do I know you?" "Uh no, no." "I didn't want to go to my own church." "Oh, okay." "Well, have a seat." "We're not going in there?" "Well, we can if you like." "But nowadays, a lot of people prefer to do it face to face." "Well... okay." "I say everything else the same, right?" "Like, the official way?" "You can say it however you like." " Okay, okay." " Okay." "Uh well, I'm-- l'm married, and I have two kids, but the other night, I went to a strip club called The Seventh Veil?" "Uh..." "I'm not really familiar with it." "Oh, n-n-neither was I, but this guy made me go, and I met this girl, and I let her give me a... you know." "She, uh... she orally..." "Do you know what the scriptures say about the sanctity of marriage?" "Uh yeah, yeah yeah, kinda." "You know?" "l-l-l know the basic position of-of the scriptures, and, and..." "whatever, yeah." "Good." "Do you know the act of contrition?" "Yes, sir." "Yes." "Uh, "O, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee." "I detest all my sins, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love." "I firmly intend to confess my sins, do penance, and amend my life." "Amen."" "That was fast." "Hello?" "Hi, it's me." "What's up?" "I just wanted to know when Lisa's funeral is gonna be." "Nate?" "Yeah, I'm here." "It's tomorrow, 10:00." "Do you want me to come?" "Uh..." " honestly, no." " Okay." "It's just there's a shitload of people here, Brenda, all kinds of Lisa's family from ldaho. lt's a mess." "You don't have to explain." " ls that all right?" " Sure." "You do what you got to do to get through this." "Yeah, I'm trying." "Thanks." "Okay, bye." "Bye." "My sister Lisa didn't believe in borders." "She didn't see the edges and the lines in between things that most of us think keep life manageable." "And this meant if you were her sister growing up, she would always come into your room without knocking." "Or she would come into the bathroom and open the shower curtain just to tell you about some article she'd read, or some boy she'd met." "And it meant later on that she would... call me on the phone, sometimes very very late at night, just to tell me about a new recipe I needed to try, or... more recently, some new," "completely amazing thing that Maya had done." "Or about how well things were going with Nate." "It also meant that she looked for ways every day to reach out to the people around her, to extend kindness to strangers when it wasn't expected." "And to push everyone around her to see the things that unify us with nature, with each other... with life itself." "Lisa didn't believe in borders and that's why I know that wherever Lisa is right now... she's... everywhere." "She's everywhere, and that means she's home." "So you ready, guys?" " Yeah." " Yeah. I guess." "This was one of Aunt Lisa's favorite songs." "One, two, three, four." "♪ You, who are on the road ♪" "♪ Must have a code ♪" "♪ That you can live by ♪" "♪ And so become yourselves ♪" "♪ Because the past ♪" "♪ ls just a goodbye. ♪" "That was an amazing service, Nate." "Lisa would have loved it." "So where is she gonna be buried or scattered or..." "We're gonna put her ashes in the family mausoleum in Coeur d'Alene." "Oh good." "Idaho, good." "See, I didn't even know she was from Idaho." "We've lost three friends in the last month or so, it's kinda taking a toll." "Oh, you poor thing." "And we're not even 40 yet, you know?" "What's it gonna be like when we're 50, or 60?" "There's so much death." "And Maya, what is she gonna do?" "She's never gonna know her mother." "I don't know how you deal with it." "Thanks for coming." "Yeah." "I'm just sorry it's under such totally crappy circumstances." "But, it's so good to see you." "What have you been up to?" "Not much." "Making bad art." "Saying stupid things." "Continuing implementation of my master plan to be completely forgotten when I'm gone, and totally forgettable while I'm here." "You?" "Not much." "I got an abortion." "When?" "Like, right after we broke up." "So, okay, give me a minute, did you just tell me that we got pregnant, that you had an abortion and it was mine?" "Ours, yeah." "And you didn't call me?" "You didn't think you should at least tell me?" "I'm telling you now." "Why are you telling me now when there's nothing I can do about it?" "Because I'm lonely." "Because I need somebody to talk to about this." "Claire, I could've been there." "I could've done something." "Russell, believe me, there's nothing to do." "There would have been if I'd been there." "Like what?" "I wasn't gonna have it." "I know that." "I could have comforted you" "With what, flowers?" "Balloons?" " Believe me you'd already done enough." " Jesus." " Look, I'm sorry that" " Just give me a second." "Okay, just... just give me a second to get used to the idea of living with this for the rest of my life." " Are you fuckin' kidding me?" " No, I'm not!" "I'm not kidding you, Claire!" "It's fucking sad!" "It's fucking sad and it's fucked up!" "I mean, did you cry?" "!" "Did you?" "!" "I cried more than you have ever cried in your whole life!" "Then give me one fuckin' second to feel bad about this, okay?" "Just a motherfuckin' second?" "is everything all right in here?" "Yes, George, we're fine." "Thank you." "Okay." "Sorry." "Do you need me to come with you to the crematorium?" "No, thanks." "It'll be good to have some time alone." "I could run by in the morning and get the ashes." "It's on my way, Nate." "It's cool." "No, thanks, Rico, I told them Lisa's folks have to leave first thing tomorrow." "They'll do it when I get there and I'll bring her right back." "All right." "I'm really really sorry, Nate." "Thanks." "Well, I'm gonna go straight home." "Okay." "Say hi to Vanessa and the kids for me." "I will." "So I'll see you in about an hour?" "Yeah." "A lot you could do with this." "Take a beautiful handkerchief and drape it over the top and you'd be in business." "Hey." "Hi." "Nate's gone?" "Yeah." "I hope this whole thing helps him move on." "It probably will." "If I lost you, Keith, I don't know what I'd do." "You'd find somebody else." "I don't want anybody else." "I really don't." "And neither do I." "Then why do we..." " Keep fuckin' it up?" " Yeah." "Because we're human?" "If there was a way to start over, if there was actually a way to start over, I'd do it, I really would." "But is there even really a way to start over?" "Really?" " Just even in general?" " l don't know." "I mean, I was talking to Claire, she's trying to see in this new way, you know, for her art." "I don't know how it happens." "I don't know where the new comes from, you know?" "The genuinely new." "God, I don't." "So stay with me." "Maybe we'll find out together." "Things would really have to be different though, Keith." " l think so too." " l mean it, I can't-- l mean, I don't want to sit through anymore therapy." "I don't either." "But we have to look for ways to bring the good things we feel about each other more into the way that we get through each day." "See, that sounds a little like therapy to me." "Well, it's cheaper." "Yeah, and it's true, I know." "I gotta quit my job, that's the one thing I gotta do-  l think you should." " No, I mean it this time." "Everybody in security is a fuckin' asshole." " Then quit." " l'm gonna!" "Jeez." "So did we just..." "what did we just do?" " Did we just get married?" " No!" "It seems kinda like we did." "Yeah, well, don't overthink it." "Come here." "What were you just watching, when I came in?" "I have no fuckin' idea." "Well, put it back on, whatever it was." "Just something." "Very very cool." "Isn't this great looking?" "Hey." "Hey." "You must go through a lot of money feeding all these cats." "Actually, I think it saves me money, in the long run." "See, this way, I get to walk by all the homeless people and think to myself, "You know, I'd love to help you out, but I take care of cats."" "You don't do that." "Yeah, I do." "That was nice the way you dropped by the other day." "No, that was selfish." "I just wanted to see you." "Well, I appreciated it." " Any time." " Like tonight?" "I could be free." "So could I." "Come here." "So what do you wanna do?" " l'm so sorry." " Here you go." "Thanks for everything you've done for us." "Thank you, Nate." "I'm sorry things got so complicated." "I am too." "Well, things have a way of doing that, though, don't they?" "They do." "Well, bye." "Take care." "I'm glad you're in my family." "I'm glad you're in mine." "Come on, guys." " Watch your step there." " Everybody in." "So are you gonna go?" "Yeah." "There's still some stuff to clean up down in the basement though." "I'll take care of it." "Thanks." "Oh God."