"Okay, look, I can't believe that I'm actually here... and that I'm gonna get to see them in the flesh, because, like, Dujour is like my most favorite band of all time!" "Dujour!" "I just want to touch them." "I don't care which one." "I don't care where." "I got all their trading cards and all their CD's, and all my gear is from their clothing line, Dujour Couture." "I mean, I straight-up love 'em, only, you know, like brothers." "Oh, my God!" "They're here!" "We are here exclusive on the tarmac as the band Dujour heads off on their world tour." "A year ago, would you have ever imagined number-one song, number-one requested video?" "We're number one with a bullet, baby, comin'to you!" "Marco, there's a lady up there-- "Marry me, Marco--" with a wedding dress." "Keep buying' the records, baby!" "Can you send it back to all the guys in the studio?" "What's up,John?" " Marco!" "All right, boys." "We'll land in Riverdale in half an hour." "Then on to the Riverdale Rise and Shine show." "Afternoon in-store gig at 8.00." "Questions?" "Yeah, Wyatt, how come my limited-edition Coke can has me with a goatee... when everybody knows I shaved into a soul patch for the 'Don't Tell Your Papa' video?" "This is wiggity-wack, Wyatt." "You're supposed to be on top of this." "No, what's wiggity-wack is your damn monkey." "Here we go with the monkey again." "DJ D.J. with the monkey." "Yes, here we go again." "First it pooed on my incense." "Then it decided to poo on my two little balls." "And then it pooed on my picture of Swami Mukananda." "Will you please tell this man that Dujour means hygiene?" "Maybe if you showed Dr. Zaius the proper respect, Dr. Zaius will stop showin' you the poo!" "Gentlemen" "I'm gonna kill you!" "Okay!" "Now, enough of this." "I'm gonna rip out your heart!" "Eye contact, hand." "Eye contact, hand." "We'll talk to Coke about the cans... and try and clean up after the doctor, okay?" "Okay?" " Yo, man, I'm sorry." "My bad." " It's all good." "Wyatt?" "Yes?" "Could you maybe talk to Marco about him always doing my face?" "You remember in the What video l established the-- face?" "Eversince then, everytime you see Marco, he's doing the-- face, and it's mine." "You look at him on TRL." ""Hi, Carson. "" "Look at him on the Kid's Choice Awards." ""This is ours." "Thanks."" "Then right here on the cover of Seventeen magazine." ""Hi, little girl." "Beauty secrets?"" "It's my face." "It's my face." "Travis, am I, uh-- doin' your face, 'cause" " God forbid I'd-- do your face, 'cause it's-- such a good face." " That's it!" " Boys, boys, boys." " Hold it!" " Dujour means friendship." "Thank you, Les." "Now, listen to me." "Let's all take a moment." "When we land, I will call the choreographer, and she will give you a new face." " Too bad your mama couldn't give you a good face." " Take that back right now!" "I'm sorry, Travis." "Thank you." "You can have a new face too." " Dujour means family." " Dujour means teamwork." "Teamwork." " So, how are we?" "Are we good?" " Yeah." "Are we happy?" "Happy." "Are we dope?" "Word." "Wicked." "Yo, Wyatt, Wyatt, there was one more thing." "Yes?" "Well, we were working on some remixes of the last single, right?" "We heard like a really strange background track." "We were wondering whether or not you knew what it was all about." "Gee." "You know, I have no idea what that was." "Where did it come from?" "I mean, Wyatt, we just want some answers." "The answers, I will provide." "I'll be right back." "Take the Chevy to the levee." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Hey, that guy in the parachute looks just like Wyatt." "Oh, yeah?" "Does he look like this?" "Or like this?" " That's it." " Break it up!" " Dujour means seat belts!" "Dujour means crash positions!" "Looks like we need to find a new band." "Thank you." " Thank you, guys." " Real nice." "Thanks for comin' out." "You're a great crowd." "Okay, girls." "We need the lane now... and your shoes." "So how'd we do?" "Twenty dollars... minus five dollars shoe rental." "Fifteen dollars." "Each." "Five dollars." "All things considered, I'd say this was our best show yet." "We just need to build a following." "Look, skanky had a rock show, and nobody came." "Did you guys all coordinate before you left the house, or are you wearing the same thing by accident?" "At least we're not wearing stupid bunny ears." "They're not bunny." "They're leopard." "And they're not stupid." "They're special." " We're special." " Yeah, special... ed." "Enjoy the gutters,Josie." "You'll be playing there forever." "Hey." "Hey, come on." "Who's a rock star?" "Who's a rock star?" "I am." "That's right." "There you go." "Lookin' good, McCoy!" "Alan M, what's-- What's goin' on?" "Uh, the, uh, truck died." "Josie" "#Did I bust the carburetor#" "#Overload the alternator#" "Jump in anytime." "#Abused the accelerator#" " Nice." "You can't drive this uphill when it's hot outside." "I told you." "You don't deserve a truck this good." "You totally take it for granted." "#Takin' my truck for granted#" "#She says I'm taking my truck for granted#" "Um, Jose?" "Did, uh" "Did you ever want to tell someone something, but-- but you weren't sure if you should, you know?" "Yeah." "'Cause you didn't know what their reaction might be or if it was the right thing to do?" "You should tell them." "You should always tell them." "'Cause there's this guy at work, and he just reeks, you know?" "A guy?" "Yeah." "Smelly guy." "Oh, God,Josie, no, not just smelly." "I'm talking, like, hot, wet garbage on a sunny day." "I think there's a problem." "It's like a stadium bathroom or something." "No one seems to want to say anything about it." "I know you would say something though, right?" "Yeah." "See, that's what I love about you." " We can just talk about stuff." " That's what I'm here for." " That's so cool." " Ah!" "Mmm!" "Good ramen." "I don't think people know how far one pack can go." "Honk, honk." "Who brought doughnuts?" "I hope you don't think that this makes up for your missing our gig." "Sure we didn't miss much." "Nice management skills, brother." "Build yourself a nice fat girl group." "Hello, Alexandra." "Have you lost some weight?" "Bite me, Bambi!" "Okay, Alexandra, why don't you go wait in the car?" "Make me, nose job." "Implants." "Penile-- Ow!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "That's the second time today, isn 't it?" "Ow!" "Ow." "So, ladies,how'd our set go?" "You would know if you had been there." "Hey, honey, I'm running a management company here." "I can't be everywhere at once." "Wouldn't that be cool though if you could?" "I could be here and in there, and I could be in the living room... and in the family room and overhere!" "Alexander, you don't have any other clients." "Where else do you need to be?" "On the streets, spreading the gospel of the Pussycats." "I'm out there working my butt off for you guys." "I'm handing out fliers." "I'm working the masses." "Waiting in line for Dujour tickets." "It's for business." "I" " It, uh" "Checking out the competition." "I don't like Dujour, like, it's Dujour." "And I could be back in this room, and I could go in the closet!" "Hello?" "Uh-huh." "You want a demo tape of the Pussycats?" " Your phone didn't even ring." " It's on vibrate." " Um, so-- so, yeah." "I gotta go right now." " And then" "You want it right now?" "Okay, yeah." "So, I'll see you guys later." "All right, I'm on it." "You guys know he's lying." "You know your fly is open." "You know, you... suck!" "That's perfect." "Even our manager wants to see another band." "You guys, come here quick." "Hi." "I'm Serena Altschul with MTV News." "We have just received a confirmed report... that the members of pop sensation Dujour disappeared in their private jet today, vanishing from radar 40 miles east of the town of Riverdale." "Authorities are still trying to determine the whereabouts of the plane... and if there are any survivors." "Dujour's label, MegaRecords, is yet to release a statement, but they have released a limited-edition commemorative box set, complete with a CD-ROM history of Dujour in stores tomorrow." "Those poor boys." "We will keep you posted as to any further developments... in what seems to be yet another rock-and-roll tragedy." "But they didn't say they were dead." "They said they were missing." "I say we raise money for a search party, and we hold a bake sale!" "Yes!" "Man, that is so sad." "It can all be over in a flash." "You know, but at least they had a record deal." "We can have a record deal." "It's just that we can't sit around here waiting for it to happen." "We have to make it happen." "And you know what?" "Life" " Life is short." "And we-- we are musicians, and that means... that we should be out there playing music." "We do play, and we rock, but nobody shows." "Nobody cares." "I care." "I do." "And you know what?" "When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, and when the going gets tough" "The tough make lemonade!" "Right!" "Good." "We're all on the same page." "Pack up your bass." "This way." "I live for these pink shoes." "Yeah, they are so much cooler than our red shoes." "You guys, pink is the new red." "Wyatt Frame." "I'm with the label." "I'm in town scouting new talent, and I wondered if there was anyone worth hearing." "I saw the card, man, but I missed everything else." "Why don't you start over while I change songs?" "No, wait!" "Play this." "It's the new single from Dujour... recorded just a few days ago before the... disappearance." "I'd really like to test the reaction." "Right on." "Check this out, y'all!" "I got the world premiere ofthe last single ever... from the late, great Dujour just for all you in the store." "Check this out." "This is the best!" "I love this song!" "It's their best ever." "If I don't buy it, everybody's gonna hate me." "Totally!" "And, I also want orange shoes." "Yeah!" "Orange shoes are so much cooler than these stupid pink shoes." "You guys, orange is the new pink!" "I am sick of my Reebok sweats." "I need some Puma sweats." "And I gotta buy a six-pack ofZima." "Dude, you don't drink." "I think I should start." "Yes, I think they responded to that very well actually." "I think that song sucks." "I plug my ears when crap like that comes on." "Really?" "Everybody else seemed to like it." "That's because they're mindless drones who will gobble up anything you tell them is cool." "I see." "Wow!" "You're a real free thinker, aren't you?" "I'd love to talk to you some more." "People in the recording industry, like me, always want to hear the opinion of individuals like yourself... to find out what we're doing wrong." "Yeah, right." "How much time do you have?" "As much as you want." "After you." "Smells like teen spirit." "Well, this must be my lucky day." "A real non-conformist." "I'm so interested to hear what else you have to say." "Well, first of all, I don't understand" "Gosh, that's fascinating." " Frame." " I'm waiting." "I'm on to it, Fiona." "You wouldn't believe this place." "It's a cultural wasteland." "Stop making excuses and get your ass back here with a band." "Tomorrow." "I'll have a new band foryou first thing in the morning." "I swear!" "Then you'll still have a job-- maybe." "Just put this thing up?" "Yeah." "Okay, girls, this is it." "Pussycats unplugged." "Let's hear it." "One, two." "One, two, three!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Hey." "What do you think you're doing?" "You can't play here." "I've got things to sell." "They're new." "They're orange." " So?" " So, look at you." "You're" "Who's gonna come into my store with you outside?" "The last I checked, this was a free country." "The last I checked, I was calling the cops." ""Get your ass back here with a band. "" "I'd like to see her move her ass once, just once." "Like he's really gonna call the cops." "Run!" "This is impossible." "Where the hell am I supposed to find a" "Hello, ladies." "Wyatt Frame, MegaRecords." "Girls, I can't tell you how happy I am to be sitting... at this table with the Pussy Hats." "Pussycats." "Yes, of course." "Of course, that would explain why you're not wearing any." "Hats." "Okay, I speak on behalf of everyone at the label... when I say that we'd love for you to sign with..." "MegaRecords." "Whoa, wait, whoa." "Don't sign anything." "Don't sign anything." " Who is this?" " Alexander Cabot Ill." "I'm the Pussycats' manager." "Really?" "In that case, you'll be entitled to 15% of everything they make." "I'm his sister, Alexandra." "Love the accent." "Thank you." "I used to summer on the continent." "Fancy a snog?" "Fancy a mint?" "Wait a minute." "You want to sign us?" "You've never even heard us play." "Oh!" "Oh, oh." "I'm sorry." "Forgive me." "I thought you were a rock band that wanted to sign with a major label." "My bad." " No, no, no!" " No!" "No." "No." "It's-- I didn't know it could happen this fast." "Well, that's the music biz for you." "If you wait for it to slow down, it might pass you by." "Look what happened to the Beastie Boys." " But they're huge stars." " I know." "Excuse me." "I have to" " Bathroom?" " Yeah, me too." "I went before we left." "Good for you." "You should always try to go to the bathroom before you leave the house, even if you don't have to" "Okay, this is crazy." "Beep-beep." "Gotta gloss." "It wouldn't hide the mustache." "Honk, honk." "Alexander!" "I should be here." "It's a ladies' room." "Nothing I haven't seen before." "Does anyone have change for a tampon?" "I'll be outside." "Does anyone else think this is a little off?" "Like what?" "Like that Wyatt guy, for one." "Like how he ordered a triple cappuccino and scooped off all the foam." "Why not just get an espresso?" "Plus how he kept folding his napkin like he's afraid he doesn't have any real friends?" "Just people who want to use him because he's a big music guy." "Yeah." "But I was talking more about the whole record contract thing." "It is super sudden." "It is." "But you said it." "You said we have to go out there and make things happen, and we did." "I know." "I just think maybe we should think about this for a second." "Gee,Josie, how exciting for you." "You'll get to go away and make a record, and poor Alan M will have to stay behind... in Riverdale all alone with me." "I cannot believe they let you bring me to the city with you." "Shh." "What?" "I had to tell them that you're my guitar tech, so" "Guitar tech." "Right." "You know what?" "I still don't understand why you're here." " I'm here because I was in the comic book." " What?" "Nothing." "Whoa!" "What's up, big butt?" "Shut up." "Hey, you guys." "You know how people always say that this is the life?" "I think this is when they say it." "Private plane." "Record deal." "Coasters." "Loads ofcash." "Scratch that." "We still poor." "Pardon?" "Hang on." "#I want to know why you are--#" "Yes?" "At least I don't think I need this anymore." "Riverdale muni bus pass." "Guys, you know what?" "We have the only bus-passes with three people in the picture." "It's not my fault you both jumped in on mine." "Okay, no, you both jumped in on mine." "We should keep these." "Remind us where we came from." "Hey, listen, let's promise each other something... right here and right now, okay?" "No matter what happens-- If we become huge stars... or if we end up hitchhiking back to Riverdale, we will always be friends first and a band second." "Friends first." "Friends first." "I swear on my bus pass?" "I swear on my bus pass." "Don't worry, Lex." "We're not going to have any trouble with these girls." "Oh, no." "Geez." "It's so huge." "Oh, this is only the beginning." "Are you sure you should be putting that up already?" "I mean, we haven't even recorded anything yet." "What if you don't like it?" "What if nobody likes it?" "Don't worry." "If you screw up, we'll just put somebody else up there." "Hey, Wyatt?" "Hmm?" "They've got our name wrong." "Hmm?" "We're not Josie and the Pussycats." "We're just the Pussycats." "Oh, no, Josie's the singer." "The public needs someone out front to identify with." "Trust me." "Our studies have shown that bands that have the word "and" in the title... sell twice as many records as those that don't." "What about the Beatles or the Rolling Stones?" "Yes, if you want to split hairs, yes, of course, obviously." "Yes, yes, but, come on." "Would you be more interested in a band called simply the Pussycats, or are you more likely to buy a CD or read a comic... or watch a cartoon or go and see a movie about a trio of luscious ladies... called Josie and the Pussycats?" "Hmm?" "It does have a nice ring to it." "Oh, yes." "Hey!" "Oh, so sorry, Valerie." "I had no idea you weren't in here." "Ha, ha." "Come on." "More coasters." "What did I tell you, Fiona?" "It couldn't be better." "Just think Christina Aguliera times three except one of them is incredibly tan... or else T.L.C. with two white chicks... or, um, Hole!" "Wyatt, I get it without the stupid analogies." "Put them in the studio tomorrow." "We'll talk later." "The feds are here with some foreigners." "I've got to give them the tour." " You won't be disappointed." " I'd better not be." "We can't afford another Dujour disaster." "Welcome." "I'm sure you're wondering why Agent Kelly and the United States government... would be so interested in what appears to be a record company." "Well, I'm about to show you why." "This... is what our operation really does." "Blue is the new orange." "This is where it starts-- the fads, the fashions, the product placement." "From this command center, we control the most influential demographic of the population." "We decide everything-- from what clothes are in style to what slang is in vogue." "Feather tank tops, matching pants." "Kind of a Buffy meets Chicken Run." "Feathers are the new rhinestones." "The new word for cool will be "jerkin'," as in," ""Dude, that's jerkin'." That's dirty." "This is the epicenter of all trends." "We turn your world into one giant TV commercial." "But how, you may ask, can our operation be so effective?" "Sure these kids have brains like Play-Doh,just waiting to be molded into shape, but something else must be going on, right?" "The Chinese guy knows what I'm talking about." "To answer some of your questions, we've produced a short educational film." "Lights!" "Hello." "I'm Eugene Levy, and, yes, I'm an actor." "And, I said cappuccino." "I'm here to talk to you about something very important." "No, it's not about me or my career." "I'm here to talk about subliminal messages in rock-and-roll music... or as it's simply known in some cultures-- rock music." "For years the government has been wisely coercing teenagers... to buy products they normally wouldn't want just to get their money." "Fact:" "Kids don't have bills to pay." "Fact:" "They don't pay taxes, but they do baby-sit and hold minimum-wage jobs... that earn them wads of cash as thick as, well, my body of work." "But these kids today aren't dumb." "They're not going to buy just anything." "That's why the government has been planting small subliminal advertising suggestions... in today's rock music." "The results?" "We can now get these kids to buy just about anything." "We can have them chasing a new trend every week, and that is good for the economy." "What's good for the economy is good for the country." "So God bless the United States ofAmerica, the most ass-kickin' country in the world." "How can you control the rock bands?" "What if they find out about the hidden messages in their music?" "Ever wonder why so many rock stars die in plane crashes?" "Overdose on drugs!" "We've been doing this a long time." "If they start to get too curious, our options are endless." "Bankruptcy, shocking scandals, religious conversions." "We've created a highly-rated TV show... just to explain what happens to these people." "Wow." "The walls are mushy." "We brought some equipment in." "I assume it's to yourliking." "They're brand new." "I like this." "It's got shiny knobs." "No." "No, no, no." "No, no, no, no, no." "No, no, no, no, no." "That we do not touch." "It's only the most expensive piece of equipment in the studio." "The Megasound 8000." "Although the name sounds ominous, it's actually just a high-tech processor." "How does it work?" "Why do you need to know that?" "What is it, a big secret or something?" "A big secret." "Wyatt's got a secret." "It's not a secret." "Stop it." "I'll tell you." "I'll show you." "Play a little something for me, would you?" "Perfect!" "Now, this will just take a moment." "And now I'll play it back with megasound." "Is that us?" "It sounds so" " I want a Big Mac." " What?" "Mel, you're a vegetarian." "I know, but suddenly I want one." "Maybe on the way back to the hotel?" "Okay, as long as we can stop by Foot Locker too." "I'm dying for a pair of old-school Tretorns." "Jerkin' Tretorns are the new Adidas." "Ladies, now should I drop you back at Riverdale Mall, or re you ready to make a record?" "Come on!" "One, two." "One, two, three." "This is the best CD ever!" "Yeah, and I want some Gatorade." "Gatorade is the new Snapple!" " This must be a misprint." " Yea!" " Wait!" "Does anyone else think it's a little strange that all this happened in a week?" "No!" "Who are you?" "We know them!" "Eww!" "We do!" "Oh, my God!" "We love you." "We're like your biggest fans!" " No, you're not." "You hate us." " Are you crazy?" "Josie and the Pussycats are our new favorite band of all time!" "Josie and the Pussycats are the new Dujour!" "Wanna see our Pussycat tattoo?" "Look it!" "That was way too weird." "Weird?" "What's the point of being famous... if the people you hated in high school don't want to kiss your ass?" "You're lucky." "Most people have to wait till their ten-year reunion for that sort of revenge." "You're just going to have to get used to people throwing themselves at you." "And, talking of throwing," "Fiona, the head of MegaRecords, is throwing a huge party tonight in your honor, a celebration of all things Josie." " Um, Wyatt?" " Hmm?" " Don't I get one?" " Oh, that is strange." "Why don't you come along too?" "There's always room for one more." "How about us?" "No." "Wow." "A party." "That's, um" "That's, uh-- That's kind of cool." "But is it as "kind of cool" as playing your own stadium concert?" "Oops!" "I promised Fiona she could tell you." "Damn." "We're playing a stadium concert?" "This weekend." "Shouldn 't we maybe play some small clubs first?" "Maybe do a few gigs in Europe." "Build a following." "You have a following." "Honestly, "J."" "I wouldn't send you out there if I didn't think you could deliver." "It would only make me look bad But this is the whole deal:" "simultaneous pay-per-view web cast, live streaming video, millions of little people paying good money just to watch you." "Well, I'm sure your bandmates are tres excited." "Right, Melly-Mel?" "Our first concert ever." "Thanks, Wyatt." "Don't thank me." "Thank Fiona." "It washer idea." "It's been part of her plan for you from the start." "Operation Big Concert, where we finally take things to the next level." "When Josie and the Pussycats play their stadium concert, all the kids in the audience, as well as the ones watching at home, will have to purchase these." "It's the debut of 3-D-X surround sound, a new technology that makes the music feel like it's happening all around ou," "like 3-D." "Gentlemen, a demonstration." "This is what those kids think they're hearing on those headsets." "This is what they're really hearing." "Conform." "Free willis overrated." "Jump on the bandwagon." "That voice." "I know that voice." "It's, um" " It's Mr. Moviefone." " Yes!" "He does all our subliminal tracks." "There is no such place as Area 51." "Excellent work, Fiona." "These kids will never know what hit 'em." " And neither will you." " I'm sorry." "What was that?" " Huh?" "What?" " You just said something." "No, I didn't." "Yes, you did." "No, I didn't." "Yes, you did." "I said, "These kids will never know what hit 'em," and then you said, "And neither will you."" " I did?" " We all heard you." "Oh" " Well" "What I meant to say was," ""And neither will you guys."" "Meaning the teenagers." "I was just emphasizing my point." "Oh." "Oh, okay." "Great." "Thanks." "That was close." "Excuse me?" "I was going to say, "That was... close..." ""to being a... really nice moment... between the two of us."" "Don't you think?" "Yeah, well, I guess." "I have to be getting back to the Pentagon, so" "Toni Tennille and l-- we wrote all the songs together." "Captain just played the piano." "It was my idea to have him wear that hat." "I said, "How you gonna be a captain if you don't wear a hat?"" "We did make some beautiful music together though." "A big song" " The one I was mostly responsible for was..." ""Love Will Keep Us Together."" "Well, guess what." "It didn't." "Guess after a while, you know, they didn 't want to share the spotlight no more." "Sometimes that stuff happens." "I can still remember, though, Captain always said," ""Friends first." "The band second."" "I wish I'd have got that in writin'." "Oh, no." "That's better." "Oh, my God, I am so sorry." "I totally, totally forgot." "We have to go to this record party thing with the head ofthe label." " What's the matter?" " Nothing." "It just, uh" "You look so, uh" "You cannot make fun of me." "They sent this dress over." "I did not pick it out." "But I cut up the front, and I made wristbands." "It looks stupid, doesn't it?" "No, no, no." "No." "I" "I've just-- I've never seen you" " Wow!" "Finish your sentences." "Is that a good wow or a bad wow?" "Oh, no, no." "It's, uh-- It's a good wow." "It's a-- it's a-- it's a very good wow." "Thanks." "Actually, would you mind?" "There's a" "Mind what?" "There's a chain thing that I can't figure out really." "Oh, right." "Right, um" " Okay." "Um" "That's, um-- that's down here." "A little complicated." "Josie, are you ready?" "The door was open." "I hope I'm not interrupting anything." " Hey, Alec N, how's it hanging?" " Actually, it's Alan M." "Yes, what's with the initial?" "It didn't work for Sheila E., and it doesn't work for you." "Josie, we don't want to be late for the hottest and most exclusive party of the year." "There's free cable." "Uh,Josie?" "Um, I was wondering, d-d-did you want to do something tomorrow?" "Yeah." "When?" "2:00?" "No can do." "Taping E." " Oh. 1:30. 3:00." " MTV." "MSNBC." " 4:00." " 4:15." " 4:15." " Sold to the young man with no future." "Come on,Josie." "There's a limo waiting." "Goodnight, Adam 12." " Trot on." " Actually, it's Alan M." "Look at them staring at us." "No one thinks I should be here." "That's totally what they're thinking." "Look at them staring at Josie." "No one thinks I should be here." "That's totally what they're thinking." "Ladies and gentlemen, the head of MegaRecords... and the host of your party, Fiona." "Isn't she fabulous?" "I'm Fiona." "Welcome to your party!" "Enough spectacle." "Let's go be girls!" "This is my girly room." "No boys allowed." "Come on, girls." "Sit down." "We'll gossip." "Oh!" "Isn 't he just the cutest?" "He's pretty cute." "Pringles!" "Pringles!" "Josie!" "Come on!" "Oh, I am starved!" "I'm such a pig." "N-No." "No, you're not." "So,Josie, how much do you weigh?" "Excuse me?" "Your weight!" "118." "Ha!" "115." "I'm three pounds lighter than you." "But don't worry about it." "I think you look great." "Tho pretty and popular." "What did you just say?" "Nothing." "I thaid the new thong's pretty popular." "What "thong"?" "The new thong." "The new thingie." "I'm thorry." "I have thomething caught in my teeth." "Got it." "So, who wants to French braid?" "Okay, so who else thinks that Fiona's a freak?" "Oh, my God." "I'm so glad you said something, because as soon as you said her name," "I got the most awful sensation," "like this ice-cold chill creeping up my spine." "Oh, sweetie, that's 'cause you're sitting on the O." "Oh." "No." "I still got the shivers, you guys." "It's not the O. It's her." "I don't know." "What do you think, Val?" "Stuff's definitely been... different since we left Riverdale." "And, if you ask me, some things feel like they've changed completely." " Wyatt." " Hmm?" "I don't like those two pussycats." "They're asking questions, and that's dangerous." "We can't afford to take any more risks." "I'll get rid of them, have a new band by the morning." "Ooh!" "Think, Wyatt." "We've already sold half a million of the Josie ears for a big concert." "Right." "Yes." "So we have." "So what are you suggesting?" "Keep Josie, and put those two nosy little pussycats to sleep." "Mmmm." "I don't think Josie will play without her friends." "Oh?" "I think we might persuade her." "Mmm?" "Next, on Behind the Music," "Josie suffers a tragic loss." "The city aquarium holds more than 244 varieties ofsea life." "Josie, did I tell you I got a gig tonight?" "You did?" "That's great!" "Yeah, well, it'sjust this bar, but the manager-- I played him my demo, and he said I could have, like, almost a full half-hour tonight." "Do you think maybe you want to come, or" "Yeah." "'Cause I know you're busy and everything." "Oh, my God." "Is that Josie?" "Where?" "Josie!" "Thanks." "Yeah, no problem." "How am I gonna pull this off?" "Wh-What?" "I'm a girl from Riverdale, you know?" "I'm" "I'm not a rock star." "Jose, you've been dreaming about this your whole life." "I know, it's just" "What?" "I'm scared." "Don't be." "You gotta believe in yourself." "What if I can't?" "Then-- then I guess I'll just have to believe in you for you." "Oh, wow." "Oh, wow!" "So, what do you think we should open with for the concert" "'Spin Around', or maybe 'Come On' ?" "Uh, I don't know." "We could try roll On, Rolly Wheel, but, honestly, I think the lyrics still need work." "What do you think?" "It's your call." "I mean, you're the boss." "No, I'm not." "Val, what's with you?" "Hello, girls!" "And how are the most beautiful and talented women in rock-and-roll?" "Eh?" "Don't you mean "woman"?" "Valerie, my darling, you're going to have to learn to take a compliment." "I mean, what are you going to do tonight when you go on TRL... and Carson Daly tells you how much he loves your music?" "Don't you mean, what's Josie gonna do?" "No, because she won't be there." "We just booked you and Melody." "It's time for the world to get to know the other Pussycats." "We're gonna be on TRL ?" "Mm-hmm." "Do I get to touch Carson?" "Anywhere you like." "The taping's in two hours, unless, ofcourse, you have a problem with this." "Do you have a problem with this?" "No!" "I think you guys will have a great time." "I love that show." "And-- and you don't mind if Mel and I go without you?" "Why?" "I don't care about that stuff." "Jose" "Oh, I'm so sorry!" "I don't know what I was thinking." "Okay." "Come on, girls." "There are stylists and designers waiting in your room." "And you have homework tonight." "This is the remix of your next single." " I'd be very curious to hear your thoughts." " Could it wait until tomorrow?" "It's just that Alan M is playing his first gig tonight, and I wanna get there early." "Oh." "Oh, I'm so sorry,Josie." "I forgot to tell you." "Alan M called my office." "They canceled his show." " They did?" " Yes." "Why didn't he call me here?" "Um, I'm sure he did." "In fact," "I'm sure if you go down to the front desk, there'll be a message waiting foryou." "Excuse me." "Yes, there's a message waiting for you... now." "I guess I should call him." "Um .. he also said to say that he won't be available for several hours, and he'll call you when he can." " All that was on the message?" " Uh, yes." "Excuse me." "Yes, that's all in the message." "Anything else?" "Who do you keep calling?" "I'm running a label here, Josephine." "I have other artists who need me, other artists who need my time, other artists who aren't so difficult about putting in a little bit ofextra work." "Your level of non-commitment is making me doubt your commitment commitment." "So, you wanna be a rock superstar, eh" "Live large, big house, five cars?" "Well, you have to do the time." "Otherwise, somebody else will, and you'll be left to explain it all to Mel and Val." "I am committed." "I am." "Yes, I hope so, my darling." "I hope so." " Val, we're on TRL !" " Hey, check out the view!" "It's fake." "Wow." "This stuff looks so different on TV." "All this stuff is fake." "Where is everybody?" "Where's Carson?" "Yo, kittycats!" "How you ladies doin'?" "I'm Carson Daly." "Welcome." "You're not Carson Daly." "What are you talkin' about?" "Of course I'm Carson Daly." "Check the nails." "You need to call me." "I got plans." "All right." "Is everybody ready to start the show?" " Oh, my God, it's Carson!" " Oh, my God, it's Melody!" "Yo, man, you gotta stop tryin' to be me with the nails thing." "What you sayin', man?" "A brother can't be Carson Daly?" "No, that's not what I'm sayin'." "It's just that I actually am Carson Daly, so it doesn't work right now." "Who's gonna break my "gazoons," man?" "I'm Carson Daly." "That's pretty good, man." "Who else do you do?" "I do Mike Tyson." "I would take a bite outta you." "Okay, what is going on?" "Are you" " Is this TRL or not?" "This is not total Request Live." "It's more like total Request Dead." "Yeah, you see, ladies, we've only got one request today." "And that's to kill you." "Carson said he's gonna to kill us." "Like that's a request." " All right, man, I got the blond." " He's not kidding." "Go!" "Um, this, uh-- this next song is dedicated to, uh-- a friend of mine." "I kinda wanted to wait till she showed up to play it, but I guess she" "Whoo-hoo!" "Um, the name of this song is, uh, 'Wish You Felt the Same'." "Hey!" "Shut up or hold it till you get home!" "Who do you want to kill you, huh?" "Eddie Murphy?" "Eddie told me," ""I want them Josie girls dead, all right?" "You get them a nurse." "I want them dead!"" "I can't believe you're a killer!" " You seem so nice on TV!" " Really?" "You know, I always thought you were kinda hot." "Too bad!" " I always thought you were kinda hot too." " You did?" "What's your sign?" "Scorpio." "I'm a Cancer." "Da pussycats." "Da pussycats." "I gotta kill ya." "Good lawd!" " What was that?" " It was Chris Rock." "That was a terrible Chris Rock." "Why do you even bother doing impressions?" "You're not funny." "You know who's funny?" "Bill Cosby." "And he's going to kill you... after sticking a spoon in your pudding." "No way!" "My favorite movie is Lady and the Tramp." "When the dogs are eating spaghetti and they share the same piece?" "And their noses touch!" "You know, if I wasn't a key player in this whole... conspiracy to brainwash the youth of America with pop music," "like, we could totally date." " You think?" " Oh, yeah." "You know, it would be so cool, like" "Yeah, right." "Like I'd ever go out with a guy like you." "Now, you, on the other hand" "Come on." "Let's get outta here and find Josie." "Bye." "Josie?" "Josie, quick, open the door!" "Josie?" "Jo" " Josie?" "Josie, we have to talk to you." " How did they let the two of you in here?" "I specifically told the front desk "no visitors."" " Are you okay?" " Of course I'm okay." "Why wouldn't I be?" "I have the number-one single in the country." "You two, on the other hand-- should maybe be a little worried." "Josie, Carson Daly tried to kill us, and I think it has something to do with our music." "Why do you call it..." ""our" music?" "Becau-- Are you even listening?" "I am listening very carefully, and do you know what I'm hearing?" "I'm hearing someone glomming on to my talent... and my credit." ""Our" music, Mel?" "I basically write all of it." "Josie, no, you don't." "We write it together." "Oh, okay." "So if we're all doing equal amounts ofwork, why isn't the band called Valerie and the Pussycats?" "I knew it." "You've been thinking this the whole time." "I'm just" " I'm just backup to you, huh?" "Oh, but you're a good, solid backup." "Oh, hey, Val, who's a rock star?" "Who's a rockstar?" "I am!" "Josie, don't do this." "We need to stick together now." "Oh, my God." "Melody's gonna cry." "What's the matter, snuggle bunny-- finally realizing the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows?" "Stop it." "Not everyone gets a happy ending, muffin." "Stop it." "And you wanna know what else?" "Puppies turn into dogs... who get old and die." "Someday you'll thank me." "Of course, by then I won't be taking your calls." "You are the star!" "Val and Melody are mean, evil girls!" "You should have a solo career!" "You have the number-one single in the country!" "They're trying to glom on to your talent and your credit!" "If they're doing equal amounts ofwork, why isn't the band called Valerie and the Pussycats?" "They're just dead weight, Josie." "You could be huge without them." "You are the star." "Madonna huge." "Val and Melody are mean, evil girls." "Melody thinks you can't sing." "Seriously." "She told me." "Dump them." "The are trying to destroy you,Josie." "You'll be better off without them." "Who's a rock star?" "You are!" "A great big rock star!" "Go,Josie, go!" "Go!" " Val!" " Oh, the return of the superstar!" "What's going on?" "And where are Mel and Val?" "Since when you do you care?" "Oh, and we heard what you said, Bitchy McBitch." " Wish I'd said it." " They're gone,Josie." "They're gone, and I hope you're happy." "No more band." "Just like the Beatles." "Just like the Jackson Five." "Just like a Flock of Seagulls." " These are so good." "You want one of these?" " Okay, look," "I never thought I would say this toyou, ever, but, please ..." "would you help?" "Now?" "Now?" "Wyatt gave me this CD of our song, and it was like as soon as I heard it-- I don't know." "What-- it sucked?" "There's something on here, I swear." "Okay, okay, okay." "You should have a solo career!" "You could have your own prime-time TV series!" "We could call it Josie, and run it right after Will and Grace !" "Oh, my God!" "That's Mr. Moviefone!" "How did you get him to put that on there?" "You slept with him!" "What are you talking about?" "This is on our CD It's underneath the music." "Wyatt put them on there..." "to brainwash me." "Ooh, brainwashing!" "Ooh, help!" "We're being brainwashed!" "Diet Coke's the new Pepsi One." ""MS. " Main-- main system." "Music sequence?" "Oh, God." "Maybe you broke it." "Whoa, I didn't touch it." "Josie and the Pussycats are the best band ever!" "Theyare totally jerking '!" "You must buy their CD" "You have to see them in concert." "You also have to buy Steve Madden shoes." "Heath Ledger is the new Matt Damon." "You're nobody without an Abercrombie  Fitch vintage tee." "They're selling stuff through our music." "Josie and the Pussycats are the best band ever!" "They're selling US through our music!" "I knew there was a reason you were so popular." "I want a vintage tee..." "and Heath Ledger." "Oh, my God." "It's all my fault ..." "everything-- people dressing alike, buying the same stuff." "I sold it to them." "I'm a trend pimp." "Well, it stops here!" "I'm nobody's pimp, and I'm not going to let Wyatt and Fiona get away with this." "We're going to the police, and we're taking this with us." "Are you guys gonna help me or what?" "Oh, I'll help." "Yeah, right." "'Cause you know I'm just gonna let you walk right outta here and spoil everything." "All right, now the event I know everybody's been waiting for is finally here." "One night only, the worldwide live debut concert of Josie and the Pussycats." "And, oh, very cool, it's gonna be live at the "Megarena"... with a simultaneous global web cast." "You will not hear a thing without your Josie 3-D-X headphones, so I urge you all to pick some up-- I know I bought two." "Hi!" "Oh, look at the pouty girl." "Boo-hoo!" "Well, you better snap out of it, red, 'cause you've got a show to put on!" "Are you kidding?" "I'm not gonna play, help you send messages to those kids." " Forget it." "I'm done." " Oh, look who's got all principled all ofa sudden." "You didn't seem to mind when your song went to number one!" "You should kiss my cellulite-free ass for all I've done foryou." "I made you a rock star." "Tell me you don't love that." "I said forget it, all right?" "Now, find yourself another girl." "Yeah, see, I would, but everybody's already here!" " Josie!" "Josie!" " Too bad." " Wyatt." "Josie!" " Val, Mel!" " Don't talk to her." "You're wasting your time." "Miss Diva over here doesn't care if you do something to us." "No, that's not true." "You guys, just listen to me." "I didn't mean any of that stuff that I said before." "Fiona and Wyatt have put subliminal message tracks underneath our music" "Can it, rusty." "Your story's boring." "Wyatt, why don't you show these two lovely ladies what we have for them this evening?" "Gladly, my darling." " A car!" "Val, I won a car!" " No, you didn't win a car." " Oh, my God, you won a car!" " No one won a car!" "The car... is about to be a part of history... if you decide not to play tonight." "Hi, I'm Serena Altschul with MTV breaking news." "Josie and the Pussycats' debut concert was unexpectedly canceled... when an automobile exploded in the stadium parking lot." "The passengers were identified as Valerie Brown and Melody Valentine, two of the founding members of the popular rock band." "Investigators on the scene were quoted a ssaying the two died a slow, fiery death... inside the four-wheeled hell pit." "We're told that Josie will be releasing a statement... to the press within the hour to comment on this tragedy." "Yes,Josie, what are your comments?" "We're all gagging to know." "Roast your friends, or play the show?" "Play your show?" "Roast the friends?" "What's it to be?" "All right!" "I'll play." "See, Val?" "She still likes us!" "Mel, of course I do." "You guys are my best friends on the planet." "Look, I know that friends don't treat each other the way I treated you guys." "But you've got to believe me." "If I could just go back in time, I would take it all back." "That would be cool." "If I could go back in time, I'd wanna meet Snoopy." "Mel, I love that about you!" "I love that you think that everything is possible... and that this world is such a great place, because you know what?" "It is." "And I'm so sorry if, for one second, I made you think that it wasn't." "And Val" " Val, you bought me my first guitar." "And, you know, we may have started this band together, but the only reason we've come this far is because ofyou." "Now, look." "I don't care if we're Josie and the Pussycats, or Valerie and the Pussycats or whoever and the Pussycats." "It doesn't matter as long as we're together." "You're my sister, Val." "Ilove you." "I love you too,Jose." " And I love you, Val." "And I love you,Josie." " And I love you, Mel." "And I-- I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream." "Everyone loves everyone." "Now, let's get this show started!" "We want the show!" "We want the show!" "So, what is it this time, Fiona-- cross-trainers, pizza bagels, lip gloss?" "Oh, it's bigger-- much, much bigger." "You're gonna have a pretty hard time selling secret messages once your secret's out." "Oh, and tell me, cookie-- who will believe you?" "Who will get behind the ridiculous ramblings of one silly, powerless girl?" "We will." "Who the hell are you?" "Someone you thought you'd gotten rid of." " Oh, my God, it's Les from Dujour!" " Les?" "I tried to warn you-- the message on your mirror." "That was you?" "Dujour was in my bathroom!" "I love you, Les!" "But I thought you guys were killed in a plane crash." "That's what I thought." "Wyatt?" "Oh, well, we managed to land the plane just fine." "Unfortunately, it was in the parking lot ofa Metallica show." "Well, the fans beat the crap out of us." "Well, you don't look too bad." "And I thank God every day I knew the words to 'Enter Sandman'." "Word, Doc." "She's not gonna get away with it-- not this time." "Let's get 'em, boys, Dujour-style!" "Anyway" "Oh, now, come on!" "Boy, you almost got me." "Honestly, girls all over the world would kill to be in your shoes, and here you stand, running away from it." "Why?" "So you could go crawling back to "Shitdale" and spend the rest of your life... being washed up with your loser friends, dopey and mopey there?" " That's it." "Just stop right there, missy." "Wyatt, you messed with the wrong pussy." " You want some?" "Come on." "Bring it!" " No, no!" "No, baby, no!" "Let go!" "Let go!" "Let go!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "What are you gonna do-- kill me with the guitar?" "Who's gonna go up there and sing?" "You need me, remember?" "Need you?" "Doll, I created you, and, believe me, I can destroy you." " I'm sorry." "Did you need that?" " Wyatt!" "Fix it!" "You-- what's yourjob?" "Fix this!" "Oh, it's too late!" "They're already taking off the ears!" "Fiona is the most jerkin' girl in the world!" "Everybody loves Fiona!" "She's got the best hair and the most awesome clothes!" "And she's so thin!" "I know I want to be just like Fiona!" "That's the secret message that you wanted to send out-- that you're cool?" "What?" " That's not me, I swear." " You're not doing it right!" "Hey, that's my job!" "If I wath a guy, I'd athk her out." " If I wath a girl, I'd want to be her be tht friend forever." " What's wrong with your voice?" "We'd have thlumber parties and thtay up braiding each otherth hair and have tickle fights!" "Oh, thure." "Go ahead and laugh." "You don't know what it'th like to be teathed and ridiculed your whole life." "The thells thilver thwans down by the theathore." "Theven thilver" "The thwims" "I tried, didn't I?" "all I ever wanted wath to be popular." " Tell me, ith that tho bad?" " Lisa?" " What did you call me?" " Lisa Snyder?" ""Lithping Litha"?" "That-That-That wath my nickname in thchool." "Huntington High School." "Lisa, it's me" " Wally." ""White-ass Wally."" "White-ath Wally?" "The albino kid?" "That'th impothible." " Firtht ofall, he wathn't Britith." " I'm not." "I just started talking like that because..." "I thought it would make me more attractive." " He wath tho pale." " Makeup." "I-I-I learned to thpeak without a lithp." "Look!" "Look!" "I can't believe it'th you." "I thn't it the thtrangetht cointhidenth?" "Wait." "Oh, I've been holding that in for the past 15 years." "This is so romantic." "Yeah, in a... creepy, ironic sort ofway." "So, what's the moral of the story here-- freaks should date other freaks?" "No, I think the moral of the story here is you should be happy with who you are." "This whole time we've been spending money on expensive clothes to impress people." "Never made me happy." "No!" "Happ" " Oh, my gosh." "Happiness is on the inside." "I'm not this." "I'm not what I wear." "I'm not what I wear!" "You should think about this." "Oh, please." "Unlike you bunch of wackjobs, I am perfect just as I am." "Holy shit!" "That girl's got a skunk on her head!" "Oh, geez." "That's just your hair." "Sorry, but that's messed up." " Who are you?" " I'm Agent Kelly." "I'm with the government." "Oh, thank God!" "Did you know... that Fiona and Wyatt are using that machine to send subliminal messages through our music?" "They're trying to create an army of mindless teenagers, to make them buy things and even control their thoughts." "They what?" "Oh, come on." "You knew about thith from the very beginning." " Gentlemen, arrest that woman and that man..." " What?" "on charges of conspiracy against the youth of America." " You can't be theriouth." " Oh, I'm serious, ma'am." "This is a very serious offense." "Sorry, but they're on to us." "Somebody's got to take the fall." "You bathtard!" "Besides, after the concert, we were gonna shut down your operation anyway." "We found that subliminal messages work much better in movies." "All right, let's go." "Well, now that you girls are done saving the world," "I think you have a concert to play." "Give it up for Josie and the Pussycats!" "Josie!" "Josie!" "Josie!" "Josie!" "I'm gonna take these off." "Stop!" "I know you all came out here tonight because you heard something you liked on our CD" "We're gonna play something different for you tonight-- something you haven't heard." "It's cool if you like it." "It's all right if you don't." "Just..." "decide for yourselves." "This is for someone who said he believed in me." "Kinda wish he was here now." "Josie!" "Josie!" " Alan M!" "Josie!" " What are you doing here?" " I have to tell you that... even though you don't feel the same way about me... as I do about you, and even though you didn't come to my gig" "What do you mean?" "Wyatt told me it was canceled!" "That dick!" "What did you mean about the I-don't-feel-the-same-way- about-you-as-you-do-about-me?" "That's what I came here to tell you!" "Josie McCoy, I" "I love you!" "I love you too!" "I always have!" "Hi." "Hi." "Damn!" "I love you." "Contain the excitement." "Why'd you have to hit me, man?" "It was just never gonna stop." "Can you see me and my nose on the microphone?" "From this command center we control everything... except what I'm gonna say next." "I can't even believe that they let me bring" "You slept with him!" "You better get his mama to get him a new face." "Ah-ah-ah." "You know my mom's dead." "That's just" "Next up on weather" "What is wrong with you?" "Goodness, won't somebody please save us?" "Hey, those are my bunny ears!" "Sh" "This is what our operation-- I just spat right in the camera." "Yeah, right. 'Cause you know I'm just gonna" "Jerkin '!"