"CLAIRE:" "Great." "Yeah." "It'II be so great to see you." "There's loads of room." "Yeah, the people here are great." "LachIan's great..." "You're great." "It'II be just perfect." "Mm-hm." "Bye-bye." "Aaagghh!" "It'II be fine, claire." "She hates me!" "Then she wouldn't be coming to see you." "I don't know why she's coming." "She must not have anyone to insult lately." "claire, she's your sister." "It's really important you make this work." "What I wouldn't give to hug my brother right now." "You hated Barney." "You told me." "I Ioved him." " He was a fuck-up, but I Ioved him." " Yeah, Iet's all be nice about dead people." "Oh, grow up, claire." "Oh, grow up?" "Oh, yeah, that's just the kind of thing Jean says." "You guys think you can just tell me what to do because you're older!" "Ahh!" "I hate all of you!" "DOCTOR:" "So this is about the size of the foetus now." "He's all tucked up in there, very warm, sleeping, growing." "Having a grand time." "So there we have a picture to think about" " Dirka's tummy." "Now, the problem I have is that Dirka should have put on about three kilos by now, but she seems to have lost...two." "That is really typical medical bullshit." "I'm sorry?" "You're telling me how many kilos should be on my body." "How dare you." "That is such personal information." " Dirka..." " Mrs NiIssen." "Mrs Nelson, I can't believe that your first concern isn't the health of that little foetus." "Oh, and I'm just a pregnant Swedish idiot, right?" "So just tell me what to do." "Eat, eat, eat!" "Is my arse not big enough for you?" "I told him." " He said you weren't fat enough?" " Yeah." "I knew it." "That is exactly what they want." " Hey, Fist." " He's such a bully." "Hey!" "Jesus!" "Fist!" "(Excited conversation in Dutch)" " OK." " Doi." "That's Sonia." "Her husband just moved to Rangers this season." "I forgot." "Doesn't she look fantastic?" "Anybody home?" "Daddy!" "Jackie boy!" " You miss your dad?" " Nah." "welcome back, Jackie." "AII right, darling?" "Cmo esta mi mano?" " AII right, enough of that, eh?" " Where's Rab?" "What's for tea?" "We're having Scottish lamb." "It's a special occasion." "Oh, aye?" "Your man back in town, eh?" "You got your suspenders on, Janice?" "I have some news for you, Jackie." "What?" "AII in time, hombre, all in time." "I'm going on a book tour." "I go round all these bookshops and read a bit out loud." "And I guess the idea is, folk will buy the book." " Great." " Aye." "It's no masterpiece, you know, but apparently it's a bit of a page turner." "You're not much of a talker, are you, carol Ann?" "I haven't had much chance." "Aye." "Guess I'm a bit nervous." "Why?" "Och, you being gorgeous and all, and us being on a date, Iike." "A date?" "Aye." "We're having a date." "I'm having a coffee." "Suit yourself." "Do you fancy me, then?" "I slept with you." " So?" " Och, you're not coming to my book group." "Did you tell them I was your girlfriend?" "I did!" "You're sweet." "Thanks very much." "You're dead thick, Iike, but you're good-Iooking." "What are you having?" "Wait a minute, her plane landed 20 minutes ago." "How is that possible?" "What does she look like?" "Um pissed off probably." "Wait, don't let me say anything wrong to her." "Everything always comes out wrong when I talk to her." " Hi, claire." "CLAIRE:" "Jean!" "Hi!" "Hi." "Yeah, hmm." "I...um..." "I'm, I'm so sorry that we weren't here just when you landed, but your plane was early." "No, it was on time." "But no problem." "well, um, planes are always late here, so when they're on time, that's early." "Right." "Doesn't say that in the guide." "Anyway, you're here." "You're here." "And you look great." " Did Nana knit you this sweater?" " So you must be the guy?" "It's great to meet you." "LachIan." "This is LachIan." " How celtic." " He's Scottish, actually." "It's so nice for claire to have family here." "I bet." "Listen, can we go?" "I really need to take a nap." "Yeah, the car's just outside." " I'II grab your bag." " Oh, Iet me." "(Smashing)" " Shit." "OK." "What we just heard was a bottle of Jim Beam." "Present for you, in fact." "claire, why didn't you let me?" "Now my wardrobe, such as it is, will have that special whiff of sour mash whisky." "Everybody smells like that here in glasgow." "She's such a clumsy reindeer." "She's always been like that." "Don't be sorry, it was an accident." " I'm sorry." " claire, calm down." "I'm sorry." "And calm." " Anything else?" " You could be on time." "This is our pattern." "Yeah." "I'II get the car." "I'm coming with you." "I'II take a taxi." "No." "Just wait here." "Don't leave me alone with her." "LACHLAN:" "claire, she's your sister." " Love her." " Oh." "Great." "Now you're on her side." "I have some special news to report." "Where's Rab?" " Ask your ma." " Rab isn't here this week, darling." " Why no'?" " Why not." "Why not?" "Because he doesnae work for me any more." "I have a job now, Jackie." "You what?" "Did you take Rab's job?" "No, darling." "I'm the farming correspondent..." "for the chronicle." "(Laughs)" "Why?" "Because the Scottish agricultural community needs a voice." "You got a light there, mate?" "Cheers." " Got a fag, and all?" " You taking the piss?" "Give us that back, you cheeky bugger, you." " You want your other arm broke?" " You're brave, aren't you?" " Aye, am I?" " What are you drinking there, boys?" " What's it got to do with you?" " Ever heard of Rioja?" " What the fuck you talking about?" " Didnae fucking think so." "Cheeky bastards." "I fucking hate scotland." "JEAN:" "Great place." "Who needs furniture, right?" "We're getting there." "Do you fancy a cuppa?" "Do I fancy a cuppa?" "That's what they say here." "So now you're so "in"?" "In your home town you say, "How about a beer?"" "CLAIRE:" "We don't have any beer." "typical." "Er...we can rinse these out in the sink, Jean." "You don't have a washing machine?" "How rustic." "We like to keep things simple." "I think it fosters a more creative environment, not being surrounded by too much technology." "Right." "And what's your view on indoor plumbing?" "Yeah. (Laughs)" "We have that." "How long are you staying for?" ""Hunger."" ""The classic novel Of humiliation."" "Oh, I gotta read that." "That's our book group book." "You have a book group?" "Um..." "Wow." "Are you an architect?" "No, er, that's a mock-up of my next installation." "You do installations?" "Does that make you an instaIIationist?" "(Laughs)" "Er, no." "conceptual artist doing site-specific projects." "Whoops." "Bored already." "Hey, your sleeping area is over here." "It's really comfortable." " usually I just say artist." " Why put people off before they've seen it?" "God, this is so good for your back." "So this is the next assault on public taste?" "(LachIan laughs) Yeah." "It's um...work in progress." "Um..the real inspiration comes when I'm actually in the building." "Um, Iet's let Jean have her nap, hm?" "Nap time." "Oh, yeah, sure." "Sorry, Jean." "Um, will you be cool with the futon?" "Ah." "The futon." "Isn't that Japanese for "insomnia"?" "If I was starving on the streets of oslo, I'd just break into a shop and take something to eat." "I know." "It's probably a metaphor for something." "I think it's because he's Norwegian." "He's too stupid to feed himself." "Why were you so nice about Sonia's bump?" "She looked happy." " She glowed from inside." " Like me." "Sonia doesn't have a weight problem." "Fuck you." "I'm beautiful." "I have decided, Dirka." "I'm going to get pregnant." "really?" "I'm feeling these urges." "I think it's my time." "We can be mothers together!" "We can breast-feed." "That is meant to be so fulfilling." " They get huge." " Huge tits!" "Both of us." "Fantastic!" " Who will you get for the father?" " I'II find someone." "Let's have champagne." " Yes!" " Yes!" "I'm reading my book." "You're fantastic." "Thanks." "Come here." "Oh..." "Ohh!" "Great tits." "You've got the patter, eh, Kenny?" "Shut up." "(Zipper)" " Have you got ... ..any feeling there?" "No." "I wanna kiss it anyway." "No." "I wanna smell you." "really?" "Mm." "Oh, yes." "claire...you're writing again." "Hey, that's so great." "Yeah." "It's you." "It's what you need to do." "I can't help but find that attractive." "I've got a bit of a boner, actually." " OK." " Hm?" " Yeah." " Oh, right." "Hey, cheers." "Ooh!" "Oh, easy." "Ah..." "Mind your teeth." "(Moans)" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" " You guys!" " Ahh!" "Oh!" "Oh, God!" " Is that cum in your mouth?" " No." "We thought you were sleeping." "could you put your dick away, please?" "Yeah, sure." "Hey, we should..." "Why don't we..." "Let's all go and have some dinner." "Oh, yeah, I really feel like eating right now." " Don't tell Mom." " You think Mom wants to know you go down?" "Jean, I'm not actually like this." "OK, could we keep the daytime fellatio down to an acceptable minimum?" " Yeah." " Like not at all." "OK." "CLAIRE:" "Oh, God." "Imagine what it must have been like when people lived in tenements." "I Iove..." "medieval History." "Oh, I'm gonna pay for this." "Oh, I don't work here." "I'm just making conversation." "Why?" "Because you're looking at an interesting book and you look interesting." "Do you want to come for a drink with me?" "malcolm?" "malcolm, where are you?" "Who's MaIcoIm?" "He put you up to this, didn't he?" "Goon." "AII right, malcolm, you can come out now." "Ha ha." "Very funny, malcolm." "CLAIRE:" "So, this is glasgow." "Yeah." " We could take you on a tour of the city." " What's the big deal?" "sidewalks, streets, cars." "We have those in Cincinnati." "Um, you know, I'm right in the middle of that." "I already finished it." "You broke its spine." "You just don't know how to look after stuff." "I'm sorry." "I'II iron it." "Why did you come?" "That sounds like a really hostile question." " You're not into travelling." " That's what you say." "Why should you get to go to Europe and I'm sitting in Cincinnati collecting unemployment?" "You lost your job?" " You cannot tell Mom." " I won't." "What happened?" " They're afraid of powerful women." " Are they?" "It's not an end, claire." "It's a beginning." "well, yeah." "The word "crisis" comes from the same root as "crossroads"." "This is a really great time for me." "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." "Do you fancy a cuppa "fuck off"?" "I'm sorry." "You just never seem to have problems." "Oh, grow up, claire." "would people please stop saying that." "You know, you're supposed to put your lips over your teeth, don't you?" "Hmm?" "When you go down on a guy." "really?" "Rab." "What happened to your arm?" "hello, Janice." "Just a wee sports injury, you know?" "It's good to see you." "You too." "Wee Jackie's been asking after you." "Yeah?" "well, er, please give him my best regards." "Maybe you could come round for your dinner some time this week." "Aye, well, I'II have to look at my schedule and get back to you on that one." "So, this is your book club?" "Oh, no, it's not a book club, Jean, it's a book group." " (Whispers) That's her sister." " (Mouths)" "What's the difference here?" "well, um, a club is something that you join." "This is a group, so anyone can come." "Excuse me, there is an implication of membership, if only because the same people show up every time." "Excuse me, but you're here." "That's a first." "They're sisters." "Hey, have you met everyone, Jean?" "Yeah." "Great." " Who goes first?" " Oh, I think we've got one more coming." " Two more coming, if I remember correctly." " Did I miss something?" "Shit." "She could have said." "You can't do stairs?" "Course I can do stairs." "You're good at that." "Not as good as me, though." "Ah, you're slowing up there, carol Ann." "Fuck off or I'II push you." "There are papers in Cincinnati I couId work for when I get back." "Another newspaper woman." "Does anyone need anything?" "I'm also a newspaper woman." " A glass of wine?" " Sure." " I write for a newspaper." " (bell rings)" "Oh, that's Kenny." "I forgot the elevator isn't working." "Hi." "Hi." "Who are you?" "Everyone, this is carol Ann." "ALL:" "Hi." "Can we talk about the book?" "I have been on seven-day fasts and it doesn't make you delirious." "There's a difference between going on a diet and starving, Fish." "Fist." "The guy doesn't have a can of SIimfast waiting for him at home." "He's so hungry, he's going insane." "But it's more than food that he wants, he's an artist." "He wants to express himself." "I so agree with you there, Jean." "It's about spiritual hunger." "Whenever someone gives him some money, he gives it away, yeah?" "Because he's trying to discover what he's hungry for." "It's seIf-knowIedge." "DIRKA:" "No, no." "Norwegians are very stupid people." "I mean, you write a whole book about having nothing to eat." "For me, the story should start when he gets something to eat." "That's the story." "Is there any food?" " Dirka, don't let the doctors win." " I'm hungry." " Me, too." " So?" "Hang on, isn't she pregnant?" "Pregnant doesn't mean fat." "Yeah." "It does." "I've been working on a paper." "Sorry, guys, are you hungry?" "We've got some great head cheese in the fridge." "Didn't claire finish the head cheese earlier?" "What is head cheese?" " It's offal." " claire liked it." "carol Ann, do you fancy a glass of wine?" " No, thanks." " I'II have one." " I thought it was a smashing book." " Kenny says "smashing"." " Did you talk about the book with Kenny?" " Aye, we did." "We read it together." " claire and I do that." " Can you pass this to Kenny?" "people shouldn't talk about the book with people from book group before the book group." " It's cheating." " carol Ann, are you, Iike, in the group now?" "If you'II have me." "Oh, yes, we'd love to." " I Iike reading." " Great." "Can I have a glass of wine?" "Sure, I'II open another bottle." "Good idea." "I'II get the whisky." "Let's all get fucked." "You never used to smoke, Rab." "Aye, well." "We miss you, Rab." "You do?" "Aye." "What's this about a new job, Janice?" "I'm the farming correspondent for the chronicle." "Oh, brilliant." "It's so wonderful, Rab." "I'm finding out about a whole new world." "It's where..." "It's where food comes from." "Aye." "What day's your column in?" "Thursdays." "You gonna read it?" "You try and stop me." "Thank you, Rab." "Somewhere" "It's written in a book that I've read" "Sometimes" "It's written just the way that you said" "The book I read"