"2x13" " The Maltese Mantis" "♪ Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom!" "♪" "♪ Raised in a noodle shop ♪" "♪ never seeking glory or fame ♪" "♪ he climbed the mountain top ♪" "♪ and earned the Dragon Warrior name. ♪" "♪ Hu!" "Ah!" "Ya!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom ♪" "♪ and master the skills of bodacious and awesome ♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda. ♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doom-doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ He lives, he trains ♪" "♪ and he fights with the Furious Five ♪" "♪ protect the Valley somethin' somethin' ♪" "♪ somethin' somethin' alive ♪" "♪ Oh!" "Ah!" "Uh!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda ♪" "♪ Legends of awesomeness. ♪" "Sweet!" "[music]" "I suppose you're all wondering why I, Po, the Dragon Warrior, has called you here." "We're going on a mission." "Now, I'm not gonna lie to you." "I'm gonna give it to you straight, 'cause straight's the way I shoot." "It's going to get rough, but no matter how bad it gets," "I know I can count on you five." "You're the best there are." "You ready to do this?" ""Whatever you say, Po."" "[changes voice] "You're the best, Po."" "[falsetto] "We won't let you down, Po."" ""Well, hey!" [mocking laugh]" " "Po?"" " Yes, Tigress?" ""Well, it..." "I..." "it's just that I..."" "It's okay, Tigress." "Don't be shy." ""Oh, fiddle-dee-dee, Po." ""I think you're the most bodaciously awesome warrior in all the..." Gi-yah!" "[chuckles]" "I was just, uh, uh, kind of, uh, what, uh..." "Oh." "Hey, Po." "We going or what?" "Sorry, had to give the troops a little pep talk before we go." " Go where?" " Taking Mantis to the fest." "First timer." "Gonna show him the ropes." " Oh, festival of figurines?" " Yep." "But us regulars just call it the fest." " 'Cause it's all cool and stuff." " Po, you can't be serious." "You're not actually going to that ridiculous thing." " I go every year." " Whoa, whoa, whoa, why?" "Wh-what's wrong with it?" " It's an embarrassment to kung fu." " And crawling with geeks." "[chirps]" "No, it's not." "And they're not geeks, they're just really big fans." " Who play with toys." " Action figures!" " And dress up in ludicrous costumes." " Historical recreations!" "Oh, I almost forgot..." "I made us matching Oogway masks." "Hmm?" "Eh?" "[crash] [grunts]" "Uh, yeah, you know what?" "On second thought, mmm, maybe I'll just stay here." "What?" "No, come on!" "No, no, don't listen to these guys." "They're just a bunch of sticks in the mud." "You're gonna love it." " I don't know po, I... ugh." " Okay, okay, forget the masks." "No masks." "But you gotta come!" "It's gonna be a day you'll never forget." " Well..." " Trust me." "[grunts]" " Okay." " So long mud-stickers." "You don't know what you're missing." "Both:" "Yes, we do." "Where is he going?" "Po." "I'm sorry, Po." "But it's about the festival of figunes..." " You mean, "the fest"?" " I can't let you go." "What?" "Ah, wh... but wait a minute!" " Why?" "!" " Po, you have to understand." "Much has changed for you." "You are now the Dragon Warrior." "It's time you put aside the childish pursuits of your past." "You are no longer a fan of kung fu." "You are kung fu." "It's important that you never jeopardize the esteem to which that claim entitles you." "See, I know those are words, I'm just not sure what they mean." "He's afraid you're gonna make a fool of yourself." "Blunt, yet accurate." "But... but Master Shifu!" "I go every year!" "I'm sorry, Po." "Now if you'll excuse me," "I have some important business to attend to." "Crowd:" "The fest!" "Po, you heard what Shifu said." "You can't go in there." "No." "He said the Dragon Warrior couldn't go in there." "He didn't say anything about someone dressed up like the Dragon Warrior." " Come again?" " Look, it's simple." "I'm not me." "I'm just a really big fan of me dressed up like me." "And you're not you." "Just someone dressed up like you." "Someone super-tiny..." "like a Mantis." " Anyway, problem solved!" " But Po!" "[excited whimpering] We're at the fest!" "Ooh!" "These costumes are awesome." "Ooh, there's Chiwan the oafish." "And mistress Gao Woo the semi-invisible." "And, whoa, Master Prawn with simulated prawn thingies." " [stammering] Uh... huh?" " The fest!" "All:" "The fest!" " I... have to go." " What are you talking about?" "Crane and Tigress were right." "It's like a nerd bomb went off in here." "They're all a... they're all a bunch of geeks!" "[crowd growls]" "Whoa, not..." "not you guys." "[chuckles] Some other geeks, that, yeah, they were outside and we..." "they didn't have the figures and, uh, uh, come on, Mantis." "[laughs]" "You don't wanna get on the wrong side of the fest-goers." "[laughs]" "The fest!" "All:" "The fest!" "Let me show you around." "This is where you can buy all the latest action figures." "This is high-quality stuff." "You can't get this just anywhere." "[grumbles]" "And over there's the stage where they recreate famous kung fu battles and... whoa!" "It's me." "He's..." "he's dressed like me." "Um, we will now recreate the famous fight between Po and Tai Lon." "Tai Lung!" "Gah, everyone knows that." "Both: [weak grunts] [slaps] Ugh." "[winch rattles]" "Wow, that's the worst kung fu I've ever seen in my life." "The exact moves aren't important, Mantis." "It's the spirit that counts." "Ha ha, sca-dosh." "Sca-doosh!" "Gah, get it right!" "Oh, no, I am exploded!" "[crowd cheers]" "Whoa, awesome!" "Oh, man what costumes!" " It was amazing." " Aw, yeah." "I could have done it way better." "Great Dragon Warrior costume." "You even got his belly fat and stuff." "[laughs] I have a..." "a belly fat guy I use in town." "For a minute there, I thought you were really Po. [laughs]" "Oh, that'd be amazing." "If he were really here?" "Gah, ahh, uhh!" "I-I'd be like, oh, you know I, uh..." "Ahh, gah, you know?" "[excited noises]" "I'd be like that too." "I'd be like, all crazy." "Me too. [laughs] 'Cause he's so awesome." "So, um, fight?" "Bring it." "Hwaa!" "[odd grunts] [both grunt] [hums music]" "Kick of fury!" "[hums music]" "Mooshoo thorax block!" " Battle hand!" " Cloud swirl!" " Ming neck peel." " Arms akimbo!" " Eye punch!" " Hop of confusion!" " Side swipe!" " Legs of steel!" " Kiki toe thrust!" " Pew, paralyzing touch points!" "Pew pew pew, pew pew pew!" "I win!" " No, you don't." " Yes, I do!" " No, you don't." " What are you talking about?" "I used the paralyzing touch points." "Your guy's all paralyzed." "I win." "That's not how you do the paralyzing touch points." "Yeah, it is." "Everyone knows that." " No, it's not!" " Yes, it is!" "Easy, Po, I thought the exact moves didn't matter." "That's for costume fighting, Mantis." "This is action figure fighting." " Totally different thing." " 'Kay..." "I beat your guy fair and square." " Did not!" " Did too, uh-huh!" " He did." " Did not!" "I think I'd know about the paralyzing touch points, 'kay?" "Trust me, those weren't paralyzing touch points." "These are paralyzing touch points." "Pew pew pew pew." "[touch points chime] [grunts]" "What you were doing was totally not that." "So, my guy wouldn't have been paralyzed, and he'd have beat up on your guy." " So I win." " I'm gonna go get a judge." "Well, you better hurry, 'cause in the real word, the paralysis becomes permanent after an hour." "[laughs] What a poser, huh, Mantis?" "He didn't even know that..." "Mantis?" "Oh, no you..." "I paralyzed Mantis!" "Mantis, I paralyzed you!" "I'm so sorry." "Ha, uh, are you okay?" "Oh, right, you can't talk." "You're paralyzed." "Okay, um, I'll undo it." "Only, I haven't learned that yet." "Okay, okay, uh, we have an hour." "Don't panic." "Um... [slurps]" "Dah, Mantis!" "[water splashes]" "Snap out of it, buddy." "Gah, yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay." "Uh, someone here can help." "Uh, does anyone, uh, know how to undo the paralyzing touch points?" "Gah." "These geeks keep moving my stuff." "Mantis?" "[gasps] Oh, no." "[gasps] Mantis?" "Mantis?" "!" "Where are you?" "!" "Nobody's gonna wanna buy action figures of you, Dad." " You're you." " Oh, yeah?" "Well, they will once they see what these little babies can do." "Behold my little mechanized figurines of destruction." "See?" "That's a lot better than the tripe everyone else is selling." "We'll make a fortune." "[sighs] Just give me some money." "For what?" "[coins jingle]" "So I can buy something that's not lame." " Mantis?" " Hear ye, hear ye." "Dragon Warrior merchandise." " Dad." " Hey, that's a nice costume." " You even got the belly fat." " Dad, I'm in big troub..." " Is, uh, that my underwear?" " Yes." "I already sold five pairs." "Dad, you have to help me." "I accidentally paralyzed Mantis, and it's gonna become permanent in an hour," " and now I can't find him." " Wait, wait, wait." "You're not making any sense." "Slow down." "I accidentally paralyzed Mantis, and it's going to become permanent in an hour, and now I can't find him." "That doesn't make any sense slow either." "Mantis?" " What are you doing here?" " Master Shi..." "Don't you know your army can never defeat Master Yao?" "He will use his mind powers to create a concussive blast, thereby rendering your gentlemen drowsy." "Whhhhhhh..." "whhhhh...." "See?" "I am victorious." "All:" "Ooh!" "Oh, that was amazing." " Good fight." " Good fight." "Master Shifu?" "I... what?" "Don't be ridiculous." "I'm someone dressed up like Master Shifu." "Ooh!" "I know it's you." "Nobody can fake that cute little nose." "I told you not to come." "I know, I'm sorry, but listen, this is important, I lost..." "No, Po." "It is I who is sorry." "Oh, okay." "But seriously, we're running out of..." "You see, I didn't want you to come" " because I was afraid." " Understood, but I..." "Afraid that if you saw me here you'd lose respect for me." " But... why would I do that?" " Po, I think I may be... a geek." "I've always wanted to come to the fest." "In my youth, I used to climb a tree and look down at everyone having a good time." "How I longed to let my Master Yao out of his box." "To battle with the best." "To valiantly fight every challenger, fend off any and all ruthless attackers, battle my way to the top until at last, no one else was left standing but me and my little Yao." "Year after year, I came to the fest." "And year after year, I always turned back... ashamed by my desire for such frivolous diversions." "But this year, I made a promise to myself." "I would come to the festival and fight with my Yao." " How's that working out for you?" " I've won 17 matches!" " Awesome!" " Isn't it?" "!" "I'm sorry, Po." "I shouldn't have lied to you and Mantis." "That's..." "Mantis!" "That's what I was trying to tell you." "I accidentally used the paralyzing touch points on him, and now I can't find him!" "You what?" "!" "We don't have much time." "Why didn't you say something sooner?" "Wha..." "Me?" "I was trying, but you had to whine about your whole "poor me" story and then..." "you're my Master." "And hey, hi, ho, how are you?" "He asked with the deepest respect." "[chuckles]" " Let's go find Mantis." " Right." "[gasps]" " Sold any of your lame things yet?" " No." "I can't understand it." "These geeks obviously don't know good merchandise when they see it." "[crowd growls]" "Yeah, I called you geeks." "What are you gonna do about it?" "Uh..." "The fest!" "All:" "The fest!" "What's that?" "Something not lame." "Its eyes move." "Let me see that." "Oh, interesting." "There must be some hidden mechanism under the eyelid." "Wait, what are you doing?" "Opening it up, of course." "Seeing how it works." "[clamps jingle]" "Retrace your steps." "Where were you?" "Is that Po and Shifu?" "Nah, just some lame-os dressed up like them." "No, you can't fake Shifu's cute little nose." "That's got to be them." "After I paralyzed Mantis, I put him right here." "It's possible he could have been mistaken for an action figure." "We'll have to check them all." " Mantis?" " Mantis?" " Mantis?" " Mantis?" " Mantis?" " Mantis?" "Well, well, how very interesting." "Hello, master Mantis." "[evil laugh]" "[evil laugh] [clamps clink]" "Ah ha ha ha ha!" "Aaah!" " What are you gonna do with him?" " Who knows?" "Although, I must admit, the possibilities are endless." "I could keep him as a trophy, fashion him into a brooch, ooh, or a tie clip." "[scoffs] Can't we just enjoy the fest?" "You should give him back." "Give him back?" "Give him back?" "!" "Never!" "He's mine!" "Technically, he's mine." "I bought him." "Yes, but with whose money, huh?" "My money, that's whose." "And so he's mine!" "Mine!" "[laughs]" "All mine!" "After all these years of scheming and plotting [laughs] suddenly something like this just drops in my lap." " But Dad." " The irony of it all." "How rich!" "How deliciously rich!" "[evil laugh]" "Ugh." "[evil laugh]" "Um, excuse me, my lame Dad has your friend." "What?" "!" "[laughs maniacally]" "Hey, Taotie." "Oh, son." " Give us Mantis, Taotie!" " Oh, all right." "Really?" "Of course not really, you simpleton!" "He's mine." "[grunts]" "Wa!" " Hand him over, now." " Yeah, we've only got a few minutes before he's permanently paralyzed... ooh..." " Po!" " How fascinating." "I hope you're in a comfortable position, Mantis." "Because you're gonna stay in it forever." "Uh uh uh." "Stay where you are, or I'll crush him like a bug." "In fact, a lot like a bug." "Hey, they're doing a recreation of... something." "Now, here's what's gonna happen:" "You're gonna let me walk out of here and not try to stop me." " Why would we do that?" " Because you'll be too busy fighting off my mechanized figurines of destruction!" " Ow, ooh!" " Ah, sha, oof." "[blades slice]" "Ah, ooh, ow, unh, ooh!" "Eh, ow, ooh!" "Ah ha ha ha!" "Ah hah hah hah hah hah!" "Crowd:" "Whoa!" "What?" "[screams]" "Oof!" "Ah, ooh, oh!" "[toy laughs]" "Ow!" "Stop it." "[wings flap]" "Whoa, not there." "Ooh, ow, eh!" "[grunts]" "Ow!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ah!" "Oof!" "Ow." "[mumbling]" "Mantis?" "Oof!" "Mantis?" "[grunts]" "Ah!" "He looks like the real Po." "Ha, if it was I'd be all over him for an autograph." " [laughs] Me too!" " Huh?" "It's Po!" "[pained groans]" "It's the real Dragon Warrior!" "He's here. [crowd gasps]" "Right here." "It's Po." "I can't believe he's here!" "[crowd chatters]" " Oh, boy, oh, boy!" " [laughing] He's so cool." "Uh, ah!" "Huh?" "Gotta reach Mantis." "Running out of time." "Move, you gotta move!" "Ow!" "You hit me." "Oh, look, I'm sorry, I just gotta..." "How cool is that?" "The Dragon Warrior hit me!" " Hit me!" " Hit me!" " No, hit me!" " Hit me first!" "[punch] [punch] I'm never gonna wash my face!" "Punch me in the face, I've earned it!" "I really appreciate it." "Hit me right now." "Kick me in the face." " No, hit me first!" " Hit , hit me, hit me!" "[laughs maniacally]" "He's getting away." "Must stop Taotie." "Help me fest fans." "You're my only hope!" "[crowd gasps]" "All right, troops, come on!" "We gotta rally!" "The Dragon Warrior needs our help!" "Let's do this thing!" "Let's dance!" "It's on now!" "Here comes the pepper!" "Ah hah hah..." "Do you actually think you can defeat Taotie?" "Preposterous!" "You are nothing but a bunch of geeks." "[crowd growls]" "Um, uh..." "The fest?" "[whimpers] [crowd growls] [screams]" " Jellyfish sting!" " Giraffe overdrive." "Oh!" "Hey!" "Stop it!" "Son, help me!" "You are so getting grounded!" "Mantis!" "Oh, thanks Bian Zao." "I'll trade you for your Tigress action figure." " Does it have to be the Tigress?" " Po!" " Cool." " Mantis?" "[touch points chime]" "Mantis?" "Oh, why isn't he moving?" "We're... too late." "Mantis, more than anything I wish you could just jump up and... and punch me and kick me and, ah... knock me over." "Hi... ya!" "Bah... zay!" "Hiyiyiyiya!" "Don't ever paralyze me again!" "And as for you nerds..." "You." "Are." "Awesome!" "[crowd cheers] [groans]" "I underestimated you all." "You really kicked some non-pretend bootie." "I am in your debt." "I salute you, my mighty geek brethren." "[crowd chatters]" "Who's gonna show me how to play that weird dice game?" "[crowd chatters]" "Still worried about being a geek?" "[chuckles] Doesn't really seem like such a bad thing to be, does it?" "Nope." " So..." " So." " Just you and me." " Mm-hmm." " Waa!" " Ya!" "Load-bearing wall!" " Whhhhiiiirrr..." " Lemon slice!" "Arms akimbo!" "I control your mind." "[laughs]" "Wa-ta!" "[laughs]"