"Light, like a diamond tiara" "Breaking the ..." "Uh." "Aaah!" "You're amazing." "Where have you been my whole life?" "I don't know..." "we talked about it." "You don't want to be here when Phillip shows up." "Okay." "Bar Karma 1x01 "A Man Walks into a Bar"" "Hey, man, take a seat." "Get lucky last night?" "I get it." "I'm naked ... bedroom turned into a bar." "I'm dreaming." "Damn." "That means I fell asleep." "Uh, this isn't right, is it?" "I thought suits were sorta back." "Because of" "Reservoir Dogs." "Has that not come out, yet?" "It came out almost 20 years ago." "That suit has nothing to do with that movie." "It'll come back around again." "Everything does." "God ..." "I love this song." "Reminds me of my first year of high school." "Oh, sweety, this song came out this year." "Uh." "Nice choice." "Who are you talking to?" "Hi, I'm Dana." "I'm Doug." "Pleasure to meet you, Dana." "Listen, kid." "There's a 500 year old dress code here." "Put your pants on." " Who you calling kid," "I got at least ten years on you, sweety." "Well, ..." "yes ... and no." "Listen, Doug, you're not dreaming." "What time does your pocket watch say?" "Five "O" five." " You can't keep time in a dream." "That's how you can always check if your dreaming." "Any clock you look at will have gibberish." "Awsome." "I'll try to remember that when I wake up." " You are a stubborn bastard." "Aren't you?" "Uh, don't mind James." "He's a former alcoholic." "That was at least five lifetimes ago." "And, twelve and twenty lifetimes ago." "Maybe, I should leave you two alone, um." "Uh, if it were only that easy." "Hey ..." "What's happening?" "Take a seat, partner." "This might help explain it." " Should we start the show?" "No time like the present." "This just in to MW News." "Internet wonderkind, Doug Jones, was arrested downtown today." " Murderer!" "(shouted off camera)" "What was that?" "Who are you?" "Jones will be arraigned in federal court later this week." "Recently named one of the top grossing internet moguls in America." "I'm out of here." "Where ever you go, there you are, right?" "So, I can't leave?" " I wouldn't say that." "You can try that door." "Now, where do you think he is?" " Somewhere between the beginning ... or the end, I guess." "(garble of voices)" "Hey." "Look who's here?" "Please, just tell me what's going on." "Uh, relax." "Try and enjoy the ride." "Perhaps a beverage would help?" " Ah, because liquor helps make everything clearer." "That's how this whole mess started." "Wait." "Is this just a really elaborate intervention?" "It's an intervention of sorts." "Pick a glass." "To Doug." "Being here now." "What was that?" "Uh, it's a new kind of bourbon." "The 2060 batch?" " 2080." "Ah, the Emperor's stuff." "I'm talking about what just happened." "When we touched glasses, it was like ... electricity or something." "Oh, we probably passed through a new timeline." "Oh." "Right." "Duh!" "It's cool, huh?" "I think we have different definitions of the word, cool." "Ever experience deja vu?" "Yeah." "Then you felt a branching event." "Deja vu is just a brief quantum entanglement with your Alpha." "My ..." "Alpha?" " The verson of you that remained in the original timeline." "You, being in the Beta, of course." "Then, who's my Alpha?" " The you, who's not a Beta." "How's my Alpha, not a Beta, if my Alpha and my Beta are both me?" "Let me show you." "This is the way you see the universe." "One road, which seems straight, when you're on it." "And, this is the way the universe actually is." "Many roads or what we call branching events." "Running in parallel." "And, we are ..." "here." "I've got to go to the bathroom." "It's going to be okay." "Maybe, sooner than you thought." "Whaaah!" "No." " Do you think he's looking out the window?" " That or he has a case of apocalypse stomach." " Ha." "He's gonna be a tough one." " I know." "Totally your type." "I can break him." "Um ..." "Yeah." "Not going to be a problem." "Where are you going?" "There's a time for balancing the universe." "And, a time for balancing the books." "What is this place?" "Think of it as a karmic rest stop." "Why am I here?" "We're just trying to help you catch a lucky break." "Uh, yeah, I'm probably one of the luckiest guys you ever met." " You were, actually." "And, that's one of the reasons you're here." "Not everyone has your luck or gets your breaks." "Aaaah." "This bloody nonsense, again." "Aah, good friend, William Wallace, is back." "Aren't we closed?" "Uh, it's always happy hour somewhere in the universe." "Seriously?" "As in, Braveheart?" "Why do ya keep havin me back to this odd hovel?" "I'm not changing my mind." "Last time, we forgot to mention ... the way you die." "You're hanged, drawn and quartered, William." "And, not in that order, I'm afraid." "You're not God." "And, you're not the King of Scotland." "So, I can a trust ya." "Nor, your wee moving paintings." "Don't mean to be rude, but I've got to get back to my men." "We're in the middle of an ambush." "As you wish." "Thanks for the wiskey, as always." "Hayyaah!" "He's one I just can't let go." "How come he gets to leave?" "It's not an exact science, here." "We're a bar, after all." "But ..." "William there, could have changed the course of Scottish history." "Only, he didn't?" "Willy has free will." " So, ..." "William could have saved Scotland." "What do I do?" " We're going to figure that out." "But, it has to do with that woman." "Send me back there then." "I can do it differently." "Unfortunately, that's not an option." "Now, look, I get that the past is not alterable." "But, the furture is not set in stone, either." "Right?" "Otherwise, you'd know the outcome already." "Doug." " I still have free will." "Try your luck." " Your luck is gone." "I'll take my chances." "See you around, Doug." "Doug Jones!" "Open up!" "Aaaaah!" "So, who did that work out for you?" "I didn't kill that girl." " It doesn't matter." "Your karma has found you." "If you run from it, you're only running in a circle." "How do I change it?" "What if I stop running?" "That's the first time in 20,000 years a channel has shown that." "What does it mean?" " Well, I don't know." "We have to figure out how you are connected to that." "So, you guys don't know everything." "Well, obviously not." "Can you understand why it's hard for me to trust you, then." " Sure." "But, can you just concede to the possiblity of not fighting this." "You have the opportunity to help a lot of people." "So, now I'm a Boy Scout?" "And, two, ... you have a chance to help yourself." "You might actually have some fun along the way, too." "Bocce!" "Loser gets hurled into the cosmos." "Just kidding, kidding." "Take your turn." "Not bad." "My turn." "Just when you think your actions put you close to something," "An unforseen event changes things." "Uh, okay." "So, now I'm the ball or what?" "Guess my bocce metaphor isn't as clear as I imagined." "No." "It's pretty clear." "What the hell am I supposed to do with that information?" "Become a, a, kndergarten teacher?" "Stop having sex ... save all the puppies of the world?" "All good ideas." "But, no." "You're a special man, Doug Jones." "And, I don't intend to leave you to face your storm of karma alone." "I appreciate that." "The universe is inherently meant to be balanced." "It always finds a way to restore itself." "Okay." "So, then where is my rosy future channel?" "You know, the one where I make all the right decisions." "And, everything turns out great." "How much do you remember from last night?" "Doug?" " I'll raise." "Damn!" "You're killing me, man." "Unbelieveable." "Meet me later." "How about you, my man?" "I'll call." "Have you always been a lucky man, Doug?" "Aah, I don't know if I'd call it luck." "What would you call it then?" "Fate, maybe." " Ah, Screw this." "There's a difference." "Where'd you find this guy?" " Just curious." "All in." " You are an excellent player." "No, I'm not." "It's skill, not luck." "I'm still trying to assess what it is." " We don't have all night." "Call." "Gee!" "Aah!" "You stayed in with two's?" "What is this?" " Perhaps it'll make more sense in the morning." "You're the owner and sole proprietor of Bar Karma, Inc." "So, I won this bar from you in the game, last night." "Yes." " Why were you there?" "You do have incredible luck, Doug." "Or, you did." "The best news I've had all day." "Doug, this place, Dana and I, we're part of a company." " By company, he means two misfits in a rundown bar." "We're like a start-up." "We broke off to do our own thing." " Who'd you break off from?" "A much larger conglomerate, whom we had a disagreement with, regarding tactics." "We have a very specific technique." "Patent pending." "We help you with the hand you were dealt." "Life plays out like a series of scenes." "When one scene ends, a million possibilities lay ahead." "That is, until they actually happen." "That's your branching event." "At that point you're pretty much stuck with it." "All we can change is the future." "And, that's where we come in." " You're luck is is off the charts." "Not that you earned it." "Thanks, a lot." " She has a point, you didn't earn it." "If anything, you should have bad luck." "Well, maybe it just hasn't caught up with me yet." "Face it, Doug, you're a once in a millenia cosmic accident." "We can use that around here." "Show him another scene." "... have your eyes ..." "Here's how this could have gone." "(sobbing)" "Did that happen?" " I don't know." "Will it happen?" "There all just branches, Doug." "Just possibilities." "Right." "If I can't run from it, and I can't fight it, might as well fix it." "Right." " As well." "I get it." "I'm going to help a bunch of sorry sacks who can't catch a break." "And, they might help you." "I like it." "I do." "I thought you would." "So, how does this work?" "Can I make a request?" "I'd love to get my brother in here and stop him from meeting his wife." "She's a nighmare." " That's not the way it works." "So, how does it work?" " Umm, we wait." "For what?" "On the next Bar Karma." "A fantasy." "There's our destruction." "A man in tights destroying the" "Statue of Liberty." "What's your super power?" "Becomes fact." "Since when was mass murder an original idea?" " We're running out of time." "Happy Hour does't last forever." " What kind of game are you playing?" "This is crazy." " No." "It's reality." "Bar Karma New Episode" "Friday at 10, 9 Central" "Only on Current TV"