""RONALDS BROTHERS PRODUCTIONS"" ""DARRELL HAMMOND"" ""STEVE BURNS"" ""DAVE FOLEY"" ""AMY DAVIDSON"" "Morning, Otto." "Good morning." "It was a long meeting, huh?" "Yeah." "I don't think lunch will ever get here." "You hungry?" "Little bit." "Morning, sir." "Morning, Otto." "Good morning, Otto." "Good morning, Henry." "Turner wants to see me." "He does?" "Yeah." "What about?" "I'll let you know." "Alright." "You bet." "Whatever you need to fix the situation is great." "Hi, you wanted to see me sir?" "Yeah." "Sit." "Absolutely, I'm putting one of my top guys on it." "Yes." "Doug, could you give us 'til Wednesday on this thing?" "It's starting out to be one of those days." "Sit down." "Super." "You have my personal guarantee." "Okay, thanks again." "Otto, I need your help." "And we don't have a lot of time." "What the hell's going on, Turner?" "It's the proposal." "The initiative for Donigan Corp. It's a mess." "Oh, I, I mean, um, what, what happened to Mike?" "I apologize." "I meant to clean that up." "What I need you to do, in a nutshell, is rewrite the Donigan Initiative by Tuesday." "Mike's version wasn't quite up to par." "Wasn't up to par?" "No." "So, so you killed him?" "Oh, no, lord no." "That had nothing to do with why I killed him." "Then, why did you do it?" "Observe." "Use reason." "There's a wooden stake in his heart." "What logical conclusion could you draw from that, Otto?" "Mike was a vampire." "Now, the intro and the summary really aren't that bad, but they definitely need to be punched up just a little bit." "What makes you think Mike was a vampire?" "Otto, when you've been in management as long as I have, you recognize the signs." "What signs?" "You know, sleeps in a coffin, uh, drinks blood to survive." "Can't go out in the sunlight, aversion to garlic." "Awkwardness in social situations." "When did Mike start drinking blood?" "It's hard to say." "It could be hundreds of years." "Have you ever seen Mike drink blood?" "He had some on his shirt when he came in here." "Must have dripped while he was feasting on what I can only assume was his final victim." "Where on his shirt?" "It's right there on the front." "Oh, well, I guess you got to take my word for it." "Turner..." "Hmm?" "There's no such thing as vampires." "Then how come the only way I could kill him was to drive that wooden stake through his heart?" "Did you try any other ways?" "No." "How naive do you think I am?" "He's a vampire." "A vampire requires a wooden stake through the heart." "You wouldn't eat spaghetti with a skateboard, would you, Otto?" "What?" "It's a simple question to which the answer is 'no.'" "You wouldn't eat spaghetti with a skateboard because it's the wrong tool for the job." "Mike wasn't a vampire." "If that's true, then why did he recoil in terror when I shoved a crucifix in his face?" "He was Jewish." "Otto, I would love to sit around here and talk about religion with you, but the employee handbook strictly forbids indulging in such volatile topics of conversation in the workplace." "It upsets some people." "Now, if you'll excuse me," "I need to sort through how we're going to replace Mike." "Damn his vampirism, today of all days." "Uh, two bullet points for your to do list:" "Rewrite the Donigan initiative by two PM on Tuesday." "Incinerate the demon Mike's unearthly husk in roughly, uh, one hour." "Oh, guys?" "We're screwed." "Jeff, you might want to clean that up." ""NETHERBEAST INCORPORATED"" "I'm Otto Granberry, and I'm 108 years old." "This moment began one of the darkest chapters in Berm-Tech's long history." "It could have been worse, like if Mike Yarrow had been a likeable guy, for instance." ""44 Minutes Ago." But he wasn't." "It makes me feel better for Turner that the person he killed seemed entirely deserving." "Yeah, Dow, that's just what you need is another muffin." "Hey, come on, Mike." "Pad that ass, big boy." "A-hole." "Considering what happened next, Turner must have thought the same." "I've never understood why we've got this thing down here." "It seems so incredibly dangerous in a building this old." "Just following FERC regulations regarding sensitive paperwork." "I personally feel it's much more thorough than a paper shredder." "Oh." "I won't argue the point, Otto." "All hands meeting, ten minutes, assemble everyone in the meadow, if you would, please." "Will do." "Between you and me, I'm beginning to think that Mike was just a low-level operative in what appears to be a large network of the cursed and undead here at Berm-Tech Industries." "And I can assure you that my actions were completely warranted given the complex set of circumstances involved, visa vi, his vampirism." "But rest assured, I acted in the best interest of this company, as well as your personal safety." "Personal safety, that's key." "Our Zero-Tolerance Program will be expanded to include this issue." "Eating co-workers, or any nonaffiliated personnel in accordance with the..." "Hearing Turner toss around the term vampire is so foreign to my ears." "He's hated that word for as long as anyone's known him." "Yeah, Turner's one of us." "So this is clearly the retardations talking, which I'll get to shortly." "...vampires, they win." "And vampires shouldn't be winners." "That's not to say that Mike was a loser." "Maybe he didn't have a choice in his bloodsucking peculiarities." "Perhaps more accurately, Mike was an un-winner." "By way of illustration, a vampire walks into a bar." "Okay, let's get this whole vampire debate out of the way." "First of all, we're not vampires." "That's a whole media thing invented by Gram Stoker to sell books." "We don't have fangs, and we don't fly." "And yes, we have reflections." "Vampire makes us sound like, well, monsters." "In the Middle Ages we were referred to as 'Nether Beasts,' but we prefer 'Nether Folk.'" "We're really normal people with a slight birth defect." "The heart's the thing." "It's what make us special." "We have an odd growth on our hearts." "It looks like a gristly, veiny clump." "This clump secretes an enzyme when someone is faced with an unnatural death." "Some sort of body trauma." "You'll recover as long as your heart's not destroyed." "And you're willing to feast." "Which brings up a naive notion drinks blood to survive." "Oh, if it were only that easy." "Blood's great and all, but blood alone won't do it." "No, we need human flesh as well." "Through various connections we keep a steady supply of choice, recently-deceased people in inventory." "See, we're not beasts." "Long gone are the days of murder and mayhem." "We enjoy human flesh and blood, but try not to eat any more than we need to." "And in the hands of the master chef, there are infinite ways to prepare human flesh." "Once the body has experienced the initial secretion, you're set." "No disease, and wounds heal quickly." "That doesn't mean limbs will grow back, or your skin will mend flawlessly." "It's about survival." "Repairing life functions." "Not magic." "In our golden age, when blood flowed like wine, and flesh flowed like, well, much thicker wine, we learned that our existence is reliant on a rare mineral we call 'Nether Stone.'" "It's securely locked and hidden away here at Berm-Tech, and it's vital to our survival." "Nether Stone radiates and enriches the enzyme in our heart." "As long as we're within a mile of it, and continue to feast, we can live healthy lives." "As healthy as you can be eating flesh, I guess." "And we need to put this behind us." "As the representative from Landry Ventures will be arriving shortly after lunch." "Oops." "I spoiled my surprise, didn't I?" "Well, I will say that his presence here is a progressive step towards moving Berm-Tech firmly into the 21st Century." "But don't worry, none of you will be affected directly, although in fairness I should say that all of you will be affected somewhat." "Once we heard that an outside visitor, a 'first lifer' was coming, we went into scramble mode." "Cleaning, hiding, covering up." "Except for an occasional maintenance person of civic inspector, we don't allow visitors." "The lobby is manned by Jewel Hightower." "Maybe 'manned' is the wrong word." "There are no windows to the outside, there's a small office where we meet with our various suppliers and customers." "Two framed photos hang on the wall." "One of Alexander Graham Bell, and his associates, and one of President James Garfield." "The elevator to the office floors lies behind a pair of admittedly unattractive doors." "Few get beyond the chartreuse doors of Berm-Tech." "We began as a subsidiary of the Bell Telephone Company in Baltimore," "Maryland in 1886." "Alexander Graham Bell himself arrangedit as a favor to President Garfield." "But I'll get to that later." "We had to move around a lot in the early days, when we'd find ourselves on the verge of being unmasked." "We eventually got 'low profile' concept down pat." "Since the beginning we've manufactured telephones." "But in the last 20 years, we're more into farming out the work, coordinating the assembly of telecommunications components." "Anyway, after lunch, Berm-Tech's managers gathered together." "This group consists of our number three guy, Henry Welby." "He died in 1863 as a Confederate soldier." "Bunyan Pritchett." "He was shot with a Gatling gun forty-four times." "And our second in command, Rebecca Sibley, gunned down on the arm of a gangster in 1926." "A productivity consultant?" "Why on earth would he hire one of those?" "Why would he kill Mike?" "I mean, we all know it's the retardations, even Dr. Berman says so." "Or, do you still have a problem with that, Henry?" "Yeah, sorry." "The retardations." "Not a very P.C. Term, I'll admit." "But it's been around a while." "Think of it as Alzheimer's for vampires." "Nether Folk, I'm sorry." "Except it's onset is much quicker, within a few days." "And the memories aren't gone, just dormant." "Advanced age is a factor, but it can strike any of us." "Turner is 191 years old, which is pretty old." "In most cases, once the retardation set in, it's over." "But occasionally they reverse themselves naturally, resulting in normal behavior." "I guess that's what we were all hoping for with Turner." "Look, no one wants to say anything about it, but perhaps it's time to enjoin Turner to the greater number." "No, it's too early for that, Bunyan." "But from a risk-management standpoint it makes sense." "No, Henry's right, it's too early." "Let's see if the retardations reverse." "Yes, remember Rafe Costello?" "He reversed in the second week." "That was 25 years ago, Henry." "Well so what?" "So what?" "You know, we, we put a couple of guys on to shadow him, and, uh, he'll be no trouble at all." "Okay, barring an emergency situation, one more week." "Agreed?" "Agreed." "He brings 22 years of productivity consulting experience to us, and good lord, you've been at this a while, haven't you Steven?" "Hello." "I know what you're all thinking, 'he's a cost-cutter,' which means downsizing, subsequent layoffs and pink slips, right?" "In the interest of full disclosure, that wasn't exactly what we were thinking." "This guy's got to go." "What the hell was Turner thinking?" "This guy could ruin everything." "He looks delicious." "With a baked potato." "A few collared greens." "Don't worry." "I have never once recommended layoffs or pink slips." "Especially for a company that's been in business as long as Berm-Tech." "And I'm convinced that each and every one of you is a capable employee." "Capable is key." "Key." "It's about procedure not personnel." "So don't worry, you'll hardly feel a thing." "And this is my go-to guy, Henry Welby." "And this Otto Granberry." "A Team-Lead under Henry." "It's nice to meet you, looking forward to the work." "And Henry." "Steven." "I've heard a lot of things." "I'm hoping to rely heavily on your expertise." "Well, of course." "Any, anything I can do to help." "We were about to take a little tour of the facilities, but Rebecca has asked that Henry and I have a short powwow, so I was hoping that Otto would play tour guide for a little while." "Sure." "That sounds great, but FYI, Turner, powwow could be construed as offensive." "Really?" "That's good to know." "I guess that's why we pay you the heap big wampum." "Shall we?" "As luck would have it, the first employee on our tour was Emmitt Neely." "Our director of security." "Emmitt, I'd like you to meet Steven Landry." "It's nice to meet you, Emmitt." "Likewise, my man." "Hey, I like those pants." "Yeah?" "I had a pair of those back when they were all the rage." "They're back again, Steven." "Like a runaway train, they're back." "Oh, I don't know about a runaway train." "Like a runaway train." "That's terrific." "Uh, if there's ever an emergency, we have an onsite medical facility." "Would you like to meet Dr. Berman?" "We don't have to do that today." "Okay." "Let's..." "It's just ten days, Henry." "Yeah, but it's very destructive, and expensive." "You're taking the 40 thousand foot view here, Henry." "You got to get granular with this thing." "Money isn't the issue here." "We never had to worry much about money." "Hell, we bought into ATT at four cents a share." "But we've never needed that to prop up the bottom line." "Never." "As Turner likes to say, 'we're a well-oiled machine.'" "You always say we're a well-oiled machine." "Yeah, well it's been brought to my attention that we're getting a little squeaky around here lately." "Who said that?" "It's not important." "Just let him finish, Rebecca." "Ten days." "Look, this is going to work, or my name isn't..." "Then we stopped in to see Bunyan." "Wow." "Now that's a conversation piece." "That's my dog, Jeeves." "I won a sweepstakes, got a gift certificate to a taxidermy shop." "It was my first time." "How long were you with Jeeves before you had him mounted for posterity?" "Oh, only a couple of days." "I bought him especially for the occasion." "Fantastic." "For the first time in decades I was seeing my co-workers through fresh eyes." "Which, evidently, isn't the best way to see them." "You have a wonderful evening, Jewel." "The consultant has left the building." "I repeat, the consultant has left the building." "Now, at the risk of trampling on vampire mythology once again..." "You know, sleeps in a coffin?" "We don't sleep in coffins." "In fact we sleep in quite comfortable beds, with fresh sheets every week." "Ugly sheets, but fresh." "The carpet is a lovely blueberry vomit weave." "The lamps are hideous." "And the curtains look like they date back to the Roosevelt Administration." "Not the new Roosevelt, either." "We live in the top five floors of Berm-Tech." "We have 70 rooms, and only 61 employees." "That gives us some freedom." "The enzyme renders us sterile and infertile, it's like shooting blanks at moving targets." "We also have an imperviousness to disease." "So we can be a randy lot." "So, no, we don't sleep in coffins." "There you go." "Is somebody there?" "Is that you, Waxy?" "With some of your late night pornography?" "Telly's all yours, old man." "But you better be wearing pants." "Most people think of Thanksgiving as the start of the holiday season, but we Nether Folk start a week or two earlier, on James Garfield's birthday." "That guy eating with us is my pal, Dan Paraffin." "Everyone's always known him as Waxy Dan." "Well, actually nobody's always been known as anything around here." "Early on we thought our suppliers might get suspicious if we hung onto our first life names for too long." "So every ten years or so, we change them." "This is Bunyan Pritchett speaking." "This is Winthrop Zimmerman." "This is Calver Weems." "Nestor Pomerantz." "Riley Drubb speaking." "But in 1976, ABC television broadcast a show which profoundly moved us all." "Alex Haley's 'Roots.'" "Inspiration overcame us, and we agreed to honor our ancestors by returning to our original names." "This is Bunyan Pritchett speaking." "And you tried the first?" "Nonsense." "Happy Garfield, everyone." "Happy Garfield" "And Henry, Turner would like to see us." "Rebecca, Henry." "Like you to meet Pearl Stricklett." "You're with Landry Ventures?" "No, lord no." "She's Mike's replacement." "She, she's what?" "Mike's replacement." "You know, dead Mike." "Oh, it was a heart attack?" "Stake." "Stake?" "Stake." "Steak." "Red meat." "Stuff will kill you." "I thought we were going to promote from, uh, within, Turner." "You didn't get the memo?" "No." "I guess I'll have to write one, then." "You see, we need fresh blood, fresh approaches." "New ideas." "You got some pretty big shoes to fill, there, Pearl." "Mike Yarrow did some quality work for us, but he's dead." "So I guess that lowers the bar somewhat." "You can't expect much from a dead guy." "You know, there's no need to panic." "I mean, company policy gives her two weeks probation, after that we can find some way to get rid of her." "This week's not going well, Henry." "Turner's slipping fast." "Is it, is it time to consider the Rinse?" "Dr. Berman devised the Remedial Rinse about 30 years ago." "It's a crude technique whereby enzymatic fluid is flushed through the victim's cerebral cortex." "It stimulates those portions of the brain that retardation's rendered lost or unresponsive." "The method works well, however it carries with it a huge risk." "The victim's brain will likely die completely, so the Remedial Rinse brings fleeting clarity, and nine times out of ten, certain death." "We use it only if we have to." "Morning Otto, are we winning?" "Excuse me?" "I said, are we winning?" "Uh, yeah, we're hitting it and getting it." "Aces." "Pearl Stricklett, I'd like you to meet Otto Granberry." "He's going to put you through the systems 'til you get up to speed." "You can use her, right?" "Oh, yeah, I'll use her." "Her skills, her business skills." "Hi." "It's nice to meet you, Pearl." "Mr. Claymore." "Um, Turner says you're quite the systems guru." "Oh, I don't, I don't know about a guru." "No, come on, Otto." "You're a guru." "I just hope you'll be patient with me." "He's a guru." "Patience." "I've got all the time in the world." "So what's the occasion?" "It's Garfield's birthday." "Oh." "Who's Garfield?" "Him." "President Garfield?" "Seriously?" "The primary reason that Berm-Tech exists is due to James Garfield." "A man named Charles Guiteau discovered Garfield was one of us and tried to blackmail him." "When Garfield refused, Guiteau decided to expose him in a very obvious way." "He shot him." "Alexander Graham BellDR." "Mr. Bell, I'm Dr. Berman." "The President thanks you." "Well he can thank me himself once I've saved his life." "But Bell was not brought in to save the President, as Garfield would have, obviously, survived." "All Bell needed to do was locate the bullet with his newest invention, the metal detector." "But for all his talent, and arrogance, Bell, the greatest mechanical mind of the century, couldn't find the bullet." "This was due to another new invention, the metal box spring." "This was of little consolation to Bell." "His failure only underscored the fact that there was something wholly unnatural about the President." "I see the surgeons watching me, Myron." "They know, don't they?" "Your wounds are healing too quickly." "There are too many unanswered questions being asked." "I'm sorry, my friend, they will not have a monster as Commander-in-Chief." "Perhaps it is time to enjoin you into that greater number." "I would ask that you permit time to try to bring the good from our anomaly." "After the sacrifice President Garfield made," "Bell and Dr. Berman knew they needed to create a safe haven for us." "Thus, Berm-Tech industries was born." "Berm-Tech has been around for a very long time, so you must be doing something right." "I think it's because of your patience." "As the saying goes, 'slow and steady wins the race.'" "Yes, Cecil?" "I'm Amos, that's Cecil." "It's, um, I'm not sure, uh, I've ever truly understood that statement, uh, 'slow and steady wins the race.'" "I mean, patience is a virtue, uh, yes, but I, I don't think it..." "It's from 'The Tortoise and the Hare,' Amos." "I know what it's from, Cecil," "I didn'tjust fall off the turnip truck." "The thing is, that particular story is a lousy illustration of Steven's point." "No, it's the whole point of the damn story, Amos." "Feel free to jump in here, Steven, if I'm talking out of my hat." "Listen, in a nutshell, Amos, the slow tortoise, an underdog if ever there was one, ends up beating the rabbit to the finish line because he was slow and steady." "No, he beat the rabbit because the rabbit was teasing the tortoise." "And, and, and taking naps and showing off to all the other animals, and carrying on and the like." "It had virtually nothing to do with the pace of the tortoise." "The tortoise won because the, the rabbit was an asshole." "You don't even know that rabbit." "People, please, let's not turn this into a blame-storming session." "Maybe I should, um, give more thought to my analogies." "Nonsense, your analogy was charming and bittersweet." "I think what Steven's trying to convey with his analogy is that even though there were any number of contributing factors which lead to the tortoise being named the victor, poor sportsmanship and narcolepsy among them, the fact remains that the turtle methodically continued his progress" "until he reached his goal." "Even though the rabbit clearly should have won." "Much faster than a tortoise." "Or the, or the tortoise in this thing, anyway." "Yes." "Wow, I can't get over how elaborate this place is." "It's like a real restaurant." "Yeah." "Well the, uh, hourly employees have a really strong union." "Ah, the new employee." "Welcome." "Would you like the special?" "Uh, pot pie today." "Oh, pot pie." "Yeah." "Uh, what's in it?" "Nothing but good stuff, I promise you that." ""No Human Flesh."" "I'll take your word for it." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Can I get you a salad?" "Yes, please." "Uh, what kind of salad dressing do you have?" "Pretty much anything." "Got about a dozen different kinds." "Oh, wow, okay." "Um, how about creamy garlic?" "Yeah, see garlic is a tricky thing." "Aversion to garlic." "Okay, there's some truth to that one." "Not all types of garlic, but some of the hardneck varieties, like Rocambole and Chesnok Red are extremely toxic to Nether Folk." "Franklin Abercrombie found that out the hard way when he snuck in a plate of shrimp scampi back in 1958." "Hi, mind if we sit here?" "Sure." "I hope we didn't interrupt anything." "Not at all." "We're just discussing Dow's bad habits." "Not exactly good meal time talk." "I have a strong stomach, so don't let me interrupt." "We've already covered the real vile ones." "Uh, nose picking, throat snorting." "Testicle scratching." "Okay, maybe we should sit somewhere else." "Back me up here, Pearl." "These men, it's always scratch, scratch, scratch." "Am I right?" "No, Jewel, you're not right." "It's never scratch, scratch, scratch." "That's a myth." "Oh, please, Dow." "And I suppose men don't scratch?" "No, technically we do not." "Not down in the testicular region." "Jeff's right." "From an engineering standpoint, the scrotum is a complete disaster." "See, the Good Lord designed the scrotum in such a way to make it inefficient to simply scratch away at it." "It's like, uh, chopping wood on a waterbed." "It lacks stability and rigidity." "So there are two preferred methods that can be employed to scratch, if you will, your nether regions." "I'm more of a pinch and roll man, myself." "Yeah, and I prefer the stretch and flick." "The stretch and flick." "I, uh, saw Emmitt in the lounge last night." "That must have been shortly after we checked his room." "He took a bunch of stuff with him." "Mostly clothes." "Why would he absquatulate?" "Maybe he found another source of Nether Stone." "Did he seem moody?" "Not at all." "In fact, he and Judd Plimmer were laughing and making merry and having some sort of contest that involved, well, pooting." "See?" "What, what did I tell you about those sloppy Joes?" "Hmm?" "Okay, I'm off." "Thanks a lot for all your help today." "I know this can be really overwhelming." "No, it's the best way to learn, falling into it." "So, it seems like a fun group." "And with the Garfield cake and the testicular engineering." "Don't worry, it's not always like that." "Damn, I was hoping it was." "Um, so are, are you leaving soon, Otto?" "Yeah." "In a little bit, yeah." "Do you guys ever do happy hour?" "I thought maybe we could grab a drink." "Or some coffee." "Uh, I..." "I mean, unless you have a, a wife to get home to." "Or you have something else to do, or something." "I, I don't have a wife, but I have a dog." "Oh, you have a dog?" "Yeah." "What's his name?" "His name?" "His, his name is Jeeves." "Jeeves?" "Yeah." "That's cute." "Yeah." "Maybe another time?" "Yeah." "Yeah, absolutely." "Maybe another time?" "What other time you talkin' about?" "When are you ever going out for a drink?" "I don't know." "Maybe if it was later in the evening?" "Like Monday night?" "Wait a second." "I know what you're talking about, you're talking about misusing Purveyance Night, aren't you?" "Maybe." "Purveyance Night is our sole opportunity to get out of the building, to do some personal shopping or what have you." "Each employee's rotation comes up every seven weeks or so." "Which leads into the question of..." "Can't go out in the sunlight." "Not entirely true." "Yes, it's harmful, but not quite to the degree the movies would have you believe." "In the early days we'd go out periodically, but it was easier to protect your skin back when hats were in vogue." "We did a lot of damage to our bones in those days." "We didn't realize how much until Amos Crenshaw's 120th birthday party in 1950." "After that, Turner kept Berm-Tech locked up tighter than Dick's hat band." "But this only succeeded in pissing everyone off to the point where we felt like prisoners." "All of this culminated in the Great Worker Rebellion of 1981, documented in this black velvet painting." "That's when Turner proposed the current Purveyance Night rotational system." "You're not scheduled for Monday night." "No?" "You going to just let me shoot it?" "But you are." "Come on, Otto, I don't want to switch." "Ask Elton or Monroe." "Sweeten the pot, I bet you Monroe will do it." "It's true." "He likes good wine." "He does." "He does." "He loves the wine." "You know what I love?" "I love slam-dunking in your face!" "Well, I'm not doing this for me, Waxy." "I'm doing this for Berm-Tech." "That's ludicrous." "How is bringing her out for a drink going to help Berm-Tech?" "Well, she'll leave here thinking this is a normal company, the kind where the employees occasionally leave the building." "What could be more normal than going out for happy hour?" "Oh, uh, that makes total sense." "You're so smart." "Just tell her you have family commitments, and be as vague as you like." "She ain't gonna pry." "It's kind of hard to break up with someone you're not even dating, Waxy." "And when you tell her, look her right in the eye and give her the Eye of the Jackal." "The Eye of the Jackal?" "What the hell is that?" "Listen, Otto, the Eye of the Jackal." "It's the only way." "Yeah, but what am I supposed to..." "The Eye of the Jackal, sir." "Look at that." "Have you seen how big my shoulders are getting?" "Kitchen's closed." "You know the rules." "So, yeah, then you just do the same thing for the next..." "Monday started very well, in spite of the fact that it was Monday." "I'd popped the big happy hour question at around eight-fifteen." "And of course, the answer was affirmative." "I felt pretty good about that." "Hey, listen, Granberry," "I was wondering, uh, if maybe you and I could get together, have a little intercourse before lunch?" "Possible?" "Any time before eleven-thirty." "Hi." "I hid from Steven for the rest of the day." "Myrtie Vanhoover?" "Yep." "She's never been late." "I checked her room and a lot of her stuff is gone." "Did she seem unhappy at all?" "The whole kitchen staff has been unhappy since that first lifer, Pearl, was hired." "But Monroe, you..." "But, but, but, but." "Some of my crew have been waiting 15, 20 years for their white collar rotation." "Same thing happened with Mike Yarrow last year when he got preferential treatment." "Yeah, but you saw what happened to him." "Yeah, but, uh, perhaps my kitchen staff is capable of writing an initiative that won't result in death." "Duly noted?" "Uh, duly noted." "Duly noted." "Now, do, do we know if Emmitt and Myrtie were, you know..." "I don't think so." "We need to consider that another source of Nether Stone has been found in the city." "Well we also need to consider company-wide bonuses as well." "It's been nice working with you." "Is something wrong with this door, or something?" "Is there something wrong with it, June?" "It's Jewel, sir, and the door's fine, Mr. Claymore." "If there's nothing wrong with this door, then why can't I get it open?" "Has it been repurposed or something?" "Is that what's been going on around here?" "Because I can understand a modicum of monkey business in the workplace to sort of boost morale, but really you..." "I'm not sure where he thought home was, but he was determined to get there." "Sure, I can keep him sedated 24 hours a day if that's what you want." "But the retardations can't reverse themselves under those conditions." "In that case, we might as well do the Remedial Rinse." "I tell you, everything would be a whole lot easier with the Rinse." "We can't lose sight at what's at stake, Henry." "What would Turner do if you two switched places?" "What if we were just to sedate him at night?" "After work." "Okay, here's the deal, mark his calendar with meetings, have two guys shadow him at all times." "But the moment the workday ends, we're knocking him out." "It's eight-fifty now." "Alright, ladies, we have three hours, let's make the most of it." "So Waxy, Jewel, Elton and I left for Purveyance Night." "Let's go." "Oh, I guess I should explain the whole Elton thing." "See, back in 1976 when we were all watching 'Roots,'" "Walter Shackleford was in another room watching an episode of Merv Griffin featuring, well, Elton John." "And he hasn't spoken since." "She seems very sweet, Otto, but I don't know how to talk to a modern woman." "We have nothing in common." "Well, you're both female." "You could talk about things that are inherently female." "Alright, I'll give it a try." "Otto, we need to go." "Hey, if you two lovebirds want to waste your time prowling for wine, be my guest." "Elton and I are going to a movie." "Good luck." "Okay, there she is." "Now about the wine..." "Relax, I'll take care of it." "Go have fun, let her down easy, and above all, Eye of the Jackal." "You know, I'm still not completely..." "Is somebody there?" "Okay, who's there?" "Berm-Tech's a little different." "In what way?" "Turner's a little eccentric." "Eccentric?" "He talks a lot about vampires." "You know, the place is full of vampires," "Mike was a vampire." "Well, I mean that's a, that's a standard business term, 'vampire.'" "Hmm." "I've never heard it." "Yeah, it means, um, it means a hardworking employee." "You know, stays up late, nose to the grindstone." "And the blood is, you know, if you put your nose to a grindstone, then more than likely it will bleed." "So blood, so vampire." "Have you ever been married?" "I was engaged once, when I was 19." "Oh, okay." "Yeah." "He was 30." "I should have known it wasn't going to work." "No, I, I'm sorry, I don't, I don't want to pry." "Oh, no, that's okay." "He was a, um, a ventriloquist." "It wasn'tjust him, I mean, it was the dolls." "You know, the dummies?" "Mm hmm, yeah." "Their teeth." "I guess I have a few issues, Otto." "We met one night after his act at a comedy club." "He always made me laugh, but I mean, he was on the road a lot, and he traveled from town to town." "And I imagined the worst." "You know, seedy nightclubs, cheap motels," "groupies." "Groupies?" "Ventriloquists have groupies?" "Oh, if they're good, absolutely." "Yeah." "I mean there is something sensual about ventriloquism, Otto." "I mean, the way the rod runs through the dummy's back." "You know, just twisting and massaging it, just right to elicit the proper emotion." "The, the eyes roll back, the mouth opens." "I mean, every move, every look, caressed out by the artist." "We are still talking about ventriloquism here, right?" "'Cause, wow." "This is nice, Otto." "Maybe we can do it again some time." "What are you doing here?" "So, you understand, right?" "It's a family thing." "Oh, don't worry, Otto, I'll live." "And work is not going to be weird?" "No." "Work won't be weird." "Promise." "Okay." "Okay." "Bye." "Goodnight." "Goodnight." "Okay." "Goodnight." "This is for Berm-Tech, Otto, you said it yourself." "It wasn't personal." "I know, I know." "What wine did you get?" "A couple good ones." "What the hell are these?" "The guy said they were good." "Look how dusty they are." "Good wine sits for a while, right?" "Did you get these at a liquor store?" "Convenience store." "They don't sell good wine at a convenience store." "We didn't have time for good, alright?" "We needed convenience, ergo the convenience store." "Monroe's gonna kill me." "Hey, how was the movie?" "Eye of the Jackal." "Nice." "Morning, Pearl." "Good morning." "That's totally my fault." "Jeff, I didn't stop, look and listen." "Completely my blunder, Otto, I got coffee," "I'll tell you what, I'll buy you a fresh cup of coffee." "No, no need." "I'm fine, really." "But Otto, you got coffee all over your shirt and your hair." "It, it's okay, actually, caffeine's good for the scalp." "I read that in a medical journal." "I'm fine." "You good?" "Yes, I'm fine." "Okay." "Here I am." "But look at me, you know, not a hint of awkwardness." "Yeah." "And you?" "No, hey, doing fine." "Is this for real?" "And you are?" "It's me, Steven." "How long have you had this thing?" "Since the forties if I'm not mistaken." "We are very proud of our human resources record where the handicapped are concerned," "Steven." "I like to say that here at Berm-Tech we offer you a handshake whether you have hands, hooks, or flippers." "Good God." "I wouldn't know where to start with this one." "Thank you." "I'd stay away from Human Resources if I were you." "I'm pretty sure Larry's become a vampire." "Human Resources, now that's irony." "What do you mean, 'missing?" "'" "I mean Rebecca's not here." "Or at least we can't find her." "Cecil and Amos have been looking for the last hour." "It doesn't seem as though she made it to bed last night." "Well may, maybe she's back with Marsden Kershaw." "Or, or that salad guy, you know, from the kitchen." "Well she sure as hell didn't absquatulate, that's all I know." "So if anyone asks about Rebecca, just say she's working on a project with me." "Agreed." "Now, Henry, we have to think responsibly about the Rinse." "No, Bunyan." "Henry, he's not getting any better." "We can't do this on our own." "You look for Rebecca, I'll get us some help." "Alright, I'll see what I can do." "Thanks." "Monroe, what was left on the table?" "A piece of cake, unit of blood." "Didn't look like anything was eaten." "What did you do with it?" "Had to chuck it." "Ants in the cake, blood spoiled." "Oh, by the way, I have a question for you, Otto." "Is this the wine you bought?" "The choice of a connoisseur?" "Yes." "Well, uh, perhaps we should let them breathe, eh?" "You've chosen the perfect complimentary wine, if we were eating ass." "Oh, one more thing, Henry," "I noticed that someone sent that old freezer out to be serviced." "Not the old freezer next to the dishwasher?" "That's the one." "Uh, I never understood why we kept that old thing around, anyway." "Otto, our problems just got a whole lot worse." "So that's where it's been all these years?" "In an old freezer?" "Yep." "Every last nugget of our Nether Stone was in there." "Don't we need that to survive?" "How long can we last without it?" "Uh, we could last three, four days." "Might even make it a week." "So our entire survival was dependent on a rusty, old freezer?" "Well, it was converted into a safe decades ago." "It was modified so that if anyone was to tamper with it in any way at all, uh, the interior lead-lined walls would just automatically lock into place, so that nobody, least of all a thief," "could feel the effects of the Nether Stone." "So even if we do get it back, we're screwed." "No, no, no, no." "It can still be opened." "Um, but you need to have two keys." "Now I have one." "Rebecca has the other." "So what do we do?" "Otto, we can't breathe a word of this to anyone, alright?" "The last thing we need right now is a company-wide panic." "Henry, Otto." "Something in the basement I think you should see." "I was down here and I noticed the door was open a crack." "Light was on." "I came in for a look-see." "It's blood." "Not too old, either." "It's definitely not human." "Anybody, anybody recognize it?" "Hmm mm." "The knife, uh, was over here." "Yeah." "There's no blood on the knife." "No, none." "What the hell is that?" "Hair." "Red hair." "How the hell does somebody bang their head on a nine foot ceiling?" "There's no good way to do that." "Alright, let's, Bunyan, get Dr. Berman." "See if we can find out about this blood." "Why do they call you a mouse?" "I mean, how do you feel about that?" "Yes?" "Hello?" "Uh, that's, uh, it's time for your vitamins, Turner." "Vitamins?" "Jumpin' Jerusalem, don't those things come in cartoon chewables?" "Oh, doctor's orders." "Here, I'll take your..." "Yes." "And we're going to, you will love this, it'll make you..." "Me likey already." "You likey a lot." "The blood samples from both the floor and the ceiling are, indeed, A-B negative." "Which tells us exactly nothing." "Obviously, since we're all A-B negative, it's either Rebecca Sibley's blood, or we've got a bigger problem here, gentlemen." "It looks like it's been broken a while." "But no blood, though, huh?" "No." "We are in a real pickle here, Henry." "Oh, yes." "Do you really think Emmitt and Myrtie took the freezer?" "I don't, I don't know." "But as head of security, Emmitt knew about the freezer, knew about its contents." "Myrtie had access to the kitchen." "Why?" "Well, I just think it might be kind of difficult for the two of them to get a one ton freezer full of rock out of here." "Look, let's just wire this door shut until we can get a lock on it, okay?" "Okay." "Oh." "Hi, Jewel." "Hey, Pearl." "About time we call it a day, huh?" "Oh, gosh, I suppose it is." "I'm looking for Bunyan, he said he was coming down here." "Oh, yeah, he was here just a minute ago." "Well he may have left already." "Of course, I can't be sure, you see, I'm menstruating right now." "So it's difficult to say." "You understand." "Are you okay?" "Oh, gosh, yeah." "Nothing a good feminine hygiene product can't fix." "I like the kind with wings." "Well, I got to go." "Good talk, Pearl." "Goodnight." "Berm-Tech Industries, Otto speaking." "You're going to think I'm crazy." "They were eating like it was nothing." "Uh, slow down." "What exactly did you see?" "They were eating people and laughing, Otto." "Like chewing them up like an afternoon snack." "Okay, um, let's meet and talk." "You got to trust me, Pearl, there is a logical explanation for this." "Yes, I will bring your purse." "I mean, this whole thing is nuts." "And I knew you were different, Otto, a real throwback guy, and I thought different was good." "I sure can pick 'em, which is why I'm pushing 30 and my best prospect is a flesh-eating vampire." "Best prospect?" "Why didn't you just blow me off?" "Instead you had to lie and say it was a family thing?" "It is a family thing." "I got to go." "Don'tjudge us too harshly, Pearl." "There is more decency and kindness and humanity in that building than I ever saw." "I don't know." "The truth is, you getting hired has been the most exciting work-related event since, since Hickman Moody nailed his hand into the desk with a pneumatic staple gun." "I'm enjoying work because of you." "Are you coming to work tomorrow?" "Lt'll never work." "He is a vampire, and I'm not." "Leave me alone." "Otto." "Henry read me the riot act over spilling my guts about the life and using the back door to sneak out." "If we were beasts, the solution would be obvious." "Make the problem disappear." "I guess I didn't want to admit that option was still on the table." "This is going to go on your permanent record, Otto." "On your permanent record." "What if she tells somebody?" "Who's she going to tell?" "Friends?" "She doesn't have friends, she's anti-social." "Family." "She doesn't have family." "Her parents died, she has no siblings." "Otto, how do you know all this about her?" "I knew you were going to ask that." "Anyway, no decision could be made until tomorrow morning, when our problem either showed up for work, or not." "Hey, what are you guys doing?" "Oh, for God's sakes, Dan, put on some undergarments." "I'm wearing one." "Come on, Dow, those are for ladies." "Oh, how right you are, my friend." "The next morning, eight o'clock came and went." "So did eighty-thirty." "No Pearl." "There was no time to dwell on it." "Instead of looking for Rebecca or the Nether Stone," "Henry asked me to host a babysitting meeting to keep Turner occupied." "Sadly, it wasn't terribly different from most meetings." "So ballpoint pens should be made available in at least four colors?" "That's a simple fix." "We need to go after that low hanging fruit, people." "Waxy Dan, can you take this action item?" "Oh, I'll knock it out of the park, Otto." "Sorry I'm late." "Morning, Pearl." "This meeting's been great." "I have to get to another one." "I always get asked to pick the low hanging fruit." "Do you believe I'm capable of picking the mid-level fruit?" "Oh, hang on, uh, if I drew this fruit quadrant thing right," "I don't think there can be any mid-level fruit to pick." "It's true." "Mid-level would require a nine-square tic-tac-toe config." "People, please." "Let's not complicate the strategic fruit maxim." "I was gosh-bustified that she came back." "In an effort to establish a real home for her at Berm-Tech, we worked together to get rid of all the Mike Yarrow stuff." "I got it." "But the thing that I don't get is 'why?" "'" "Why coop yourselves up in here and hide?" "I mean, shouldn't you be out there being superheroes or something?" "I mean, you're kind of immortal." "Don't you just think that you're meant for something big?" "Yeah." "Sure, I mean, I thought about it." "But eventually I came to the conclusion, and it's one that we all share, this gift is as impractical as it can be." "It's like somebody pulled a trick on us." "What?" "Like a curse?" "Not so much a curse as a test." "Something to overcome." "It's our cross to bear." "We're just trying to maintain our humanity." "What's this?" "That's when we discovered a huge piece of the puzzle." "Whoa, what's wrong?" "Pearl, I'll be back in a few minutes." "Will you take this stuff to the basement?" "It's okay." "You're right." "It's definitely Chesnok Red." "How lethal is that stuff?" "Oh, it'll kill you." "What about in smaller doses?" "Like spread out over time?" "It would certainly affect the organs." "The liver, the pancreas, the intestines, both large and small." "The stomach, the kidneys, most sexual organs." "And the brain would deteriorate and begin to lose function." "Like the retardations." ""A MONTH AGO" Precisely, way down." "Our projected figures for June were based on aggregate cost..." "See, Turner used to be keen as a blade." "What's Mike Yarrow doing in this managers meeting?" "Sucking up." "In the vernacular of the times," "Mike was a dick." "A two-faced, kiss ass, toady." "Alright." "Let me top that off for you." "The glasses are..." "No, don't worry." "No, I appreciate what you're trying..." "I mean, continue." "You were on a roll." "And, uh, let me say, that tie, really compliments your eyes." "Now we know why Mike was always there." "I'm in now, I'm done with Rebecca." "Pearl!" "You shouldn't be down here." "Dow, Dow..." "Where's the fire, guys?" "Do you still have Mike Yarrow's PC?" "Yeah." "It's right over there." "Alright, we need you to go through it." "Uh, the hard drive, the email, everything, see if you can find any hint of a plot to, well, poison Turner." "Plot to poison Turner, huh?" "How, how long will it take?" "No telling, Otto." "A computer's not a frigging mellon-baller." "I don't know what surprised Bunyan more, the discovery of that trap door in the basement, or the fact that I'd spilled the beans to a first lifer." "...first lifer would be eaten for merely assuming what you already know." "Really?" "Yes." "Now, getting back to this voice, are you sure you heard 'Rebecca?" "'" "I'm pretty sure." "Are you sure it wasn't 'ricotta?" "'" "Ricotta?" "Like the cheese?" "Yes." "No." "Okay." "I'm gonna do a quick look-see around the room, can you go get Henry and Otto and bring them down here chop-chop?" "Yeah." "Okay." "So where does it go?" "Down." "Anything?" "Yeah." "Looks like a bunch of emails between Mike and someone named Thomas." "Deleted, but not deleted." "Right." "Several of them mention that Mike's supposed to be researching something for this guy." "In one of the emails," "Thomas requests that Mike should begin to administer a daily, no more than half a gram per day." "Doesn't specifically mention Turner poisoned, though." "When was that?" "September 20th." "Two months ago." "Excuse me, Turner?" "Oliver." "Here to urinate?" "Pull up some porcelain." "No, thanks, I'm fine." "I was wondering if..." "Is it a penis thing or something, Oliver?" "'Cause don't worry, I won't look." "It's a very compelling offer, sir." "But, uh, I wanted to know if Mike set up the deal to hire the productivity consultant?" "The Frenchman?" "The Frenchman?" "Steven Long-dree?" "Mike's baby?" "Oh, I got this for you." "Had the Frenchman pick them up." "Keep an eye out for those tricky little bastards." "Then a couple of weeks ago, Thomas stopped writing." "And all of a sudden," "Mike starts getting very similar sounding emails from Landry Ventures." "Steven." "The thick plottens." "See anything you like?" "You look a little tired." "Maybe you should take a nap." "Otto, can we borrow you forjust a moment?" "Yes." "You really think you're going to need the Buntline, Henry?" "Sure hope not." "Cheese and crackers, Henry." "I nearly soiled my britches." "What are you doing down here?" "Came down to get one of those mothball files out of the archives." "Hey, what are you all doing down here in the dark, anyway?" "Care for a little adventure, Jeff?" "No I would not." "I would just as soon get my file and go." "Besides, the last time I checked, trap doors is supervisors' work, anyway." "Actually, I don't recall trap doors being put in any of the upper-level job descriptions." "Don't be a drag on the supply chain here, Jeff." "I need you to take some ownership." "Come on." "God almighty." "Come on." "What is this?" "A sewer pipe?" "Well, it seems to run underneath the alleyway." "What's across the alley?" "The Tamerline building." "Hey Waxy, this tunnel don't look like it's up to municipal code." "Are you sure it's wise to cross over?" "Shh, Jeff, come on." "Get some light on there." "I didn't know it took two separate keys." "I'm never in the loop." "Well somebody is lying." "Now the question is, are you lying to me, or has Turner been lying to you?" "Now, we're gonna..." "This is not good." "Go fetch Dr. Berman, tell him it's time for the Rinse." "You sure?" "Yeah, just go." "What the?" "I can hear you in there." "Go, go, go!" "You have exactly three seconds to come into this room before the next sound you hear will be Bunyan's head exploding like a melon." "One, two..." "Alright, Steven, let him go." "Oh, right." "I'll do just that little thing." "Put down the gun or I'll kill him." "Now you know I can't do that." "If you kill Bunyan, you're dead." "It's that simple." "So, slicing his head off is a bad negotiating tactic?" "How about if I have something else to bargain with." "What?" "Not what, who." "Your co-workers." "Where are they?" "Well they're fine, they're just heavily sedated." "They're in the drawers." "I got him, Henry." "She's dead." "Emmitt was surprisingly tough." "It took me two hours to get anything out of him." "But Rebecca," "I take my hat off to Rebecca." "She gave me nothing." "Absolutely nothing, and I am persuasive." "Give me the gun." "Jeff." "Will you look at that?" "I have been looking all over for that." "That is the power of positive thinking." "Go ahead, get me that key." "Get out of here, get out of here." "Oh, she's getting away." "That's the stuff, Jeff." "Now go get the girl." "Excellent effort, Granberry." "I knew you had it in you." "You see her?" "No." "Can't see a blasted thing down here." "But if she's still in here, she'll feel this!" "Ah!" "God almighty!" "I'm hit." "Ricochets are a freakishly random event, Jeff." "Shake it off." "Come on up here, roll one of those barrels over the trap door." "We don't want any more visitors." "Bad news." "I love his can-do attitude." "This is gonna hurt a lot." "So this is the Rinse?" "How long's it usually take?" "He should feel something in about five minutes." "Can we leave him in your capable hands?" "Of course." "Let's go, guys." "Goodbye, sweet Henry." "Welcome to my hostile takeover." "But it can still be a win-win situation." "You want your lifestyle to continue," "I want the Nether Stone." "I don't see why we both can't get what we want." "You're one of us?" "He's not one of us." "You're both right." "I am a Nether Man, but I am not one of you." "I was not randomly generated by a cosmic crap shoot of genes and chromosomes." "No fellas." "I was chosen." "It was Garfield who hit on the idea of a heart transplant." "Let's say I were in agreement with this, gentlemen." "Where in the name of Laura Keen would we find a willing candidate for such a procedure?" "I know a man, sir, whose own heart has failed him." "This man will die before the year is out." "Do you know his whereabouts at the present time?" "Watson, come here." "I want you." "Yes, Mr. Bell?" "Mr. Bell, you're a bright man." "I would consider any favor granted to my Nether Folk a favor in my own pocket." "I'll do my level best, Mr. President." "I never thought I'd be giving my heart to another man." "Buck up, son." "That may be my very last humorous remark." "Why are you doing this?" "Turner has brainwashed you all into mediocrity." "At Berm-Tech, all you run is a cubicle." "Don't you want more?" "Like what?" "To live amongst the humans as their superiors." "And the more Nether Stone you have, the more powerful you become." "That's how you're able to walk in the sunlight." "That's right." "Berm-Tech is going to be expanding." "And those that don't get the ax will receive greater benefits, greater freedom to go outside, an incredible retirement package." "I got my..." "Oh, wait, is that bullet still in you?" "Well, I'm not sure." "It has gone straight through." "You are fine." "Have crackers and a ginger ale." "Can do, can do." "Granberry, we are not more evil than you." "We are rising above your way of survival." "At least trying to." "Oh, I see, yeah." "You're enlightened." "And I'm a monster, right?" "You forget, we both eat people." "Berman, what is going on?" "Take it easy, Turner." "Just lie down." "Listen, Mike Yarrow can't be trusted, he's only here to steal the stone." "I killed Mike, didn't I?" "Yes." "This is the Rinse, isn't it?" "Maybe, maybe we should go outside and try the front door." "Oh, into the daylight?" "Are you crazy?" "How else are we supposed to get into that building?" "Hey, we're brainstorming here guys, there are no bad ideas." "Follow me." "Jeff, would you please go make sure that the barrel has not been moved?" "Can do, captain." "This is not looking good for you guys." "Oh, boss?" "You humans are such a pain in the ass." "No, no!" "Oh, oh, what are you going to do?" "You're going to shoot me with an empty gun?" "Here." "It's a six shooter." "Count 'em out." "Henry, you..." "Ow." "Jeff shot himself, and then three shots in your lovely girlfriend." "That's a piss poor attitude." "You are not a team player." "Okay, okay, okay, come on." "No, no, no, no, no." "Come on." "Come here." "I've never seen anyone stabbed to death with a gun before." "I'm afraid she won't make it through the night, Otto." "I'm sorry." "You know, I almost hoped she was one of us." "Turner's last recruit, so a few bullets would be no big deal." "She's just flesh and blood, nothing more than that." "Obviously she's much more than that figuratively speaking, but from a purely physiological standpoint, she's flesh and, uh, yeah, blood." "I'll just be over here." "Otto, Turner wants to see you." "Here you go, boysenberry." "I've had a lot to process today." "But nothing supercedes the importance of keeping Berm-Tech Industries intact." "After Rebecca and Henry, that Bunyan Pritchett is our go-to guy." "And that leaves several managerial positions open." "And I would appreciate it if you would take one of those." "I'll do my level best." "I know you will." "I've already spoken with Bunyan." "And he now has the set of files that contains everything." "Our holdings, our history, and the stone." "The stone wasn't in the freezer." "I know." "It was my little secret." "Why lie to us about it?" "The exact reason that we're in this situation, Otto." "Greed." "The stone is like a drug," "I mean, that's why it had to be broken up in the first place." "So we do have Nether Stone." "Yes." "Mike and Jeff spent three years searching for it." "Where is it?" "It's in a lot of little pieces." "And every night it's usually in the last place that you would look." "The hideous lamps." "It's so funny." "It, it seems that people often think about how they would live differently if they only had a day, or a week." "They don't ever stop to think about how they would change if they had to live forever." "And now there is one more thing I want to do." "Shh, shh." "Don't" "So Turner, like President Garfield before him, made the ultimate sacrifice." "His leadership carried us through our darkest times." "It'll be up to us now to step into the light." "All of us." "Okay, so I can see that our other meeting is about to begin, so as long as your brief, I'd be happy to take any questions at his time." "Just one." "How long did it take you to prepare this little Nether Beast In Training presentation?" "About a hundred and eight years." "So, that's the way the organization will look beginning Monday." "There's been a lot of changes, and we haven't done a re-org in quite a long stretch." "We're dead serious about relaxing the policy on outdoor excursions." "Made possible in part by a mother load of Nether Stone involuntarily donated by the late Steven P.D. Landry." "But give us a couple of weeks to get things straightened out." "I'd do a lap around the room for QA, but this is a large group." "And besides, it's time for lunch." "So let's move in a safe and orderly fashion down to the dining area." "Long meeting, huh?" "I didn't think lunch would ever get here." "You hungry?" "Starving." "END"