"Brad." "Oh, hey, Mr.Finnerty." "Uh, what are you doing?" "I'm getting ready for Passion Train." "They're tossing somebody off tonight." "What's Passion Train?" "You haven't seen Passion Train?" "No." "It's 10 buffed-out guys, 10 hot chicks, they get on this train in Portland, right?" "And then when they get to Baltimore, there's only two left, and those two..." "gotta do it." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "The contestants are required to have sex?" "Yeah, ff they want the 100 grand and the Dodge Neon... hell, yeah!" "You know what?" "I think I've actually gotten stupider just standing here listening to you describe it." "Actually, can I use your phone to vote?" "No." "Brad!" "Aah!" "Oh, hey, baby." "You're home early." "Don't you have the dinner shift on Wednesdays?" "Yeah, but I switched with Linda so I could go to the PTA meeting." "PTA meeting." "You..." "I thought you hated those things." "Yeah, I do, but tonight was a really good one." "New mats for the gym, they're planning a spring carnival, and tonight there's this big protest for this new strip club." "Really?" "A strip club?" "You haven't heard of it?" "No." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I just assumed you would have because it's your bar!" "Oh!" "Yeah." "That..." "That I'd heard of, yeah." "Brad, what are you doing here?" "It's 10 minutes to P.T." "Right." "About that, um..." "I'm watching Passion Train with Dean." "Dean?" "What?" "I'm your boyfriend." "You broke up with Dean." "I know." "Totally." "I just haven't told him yet." "What?" "I'm afraid of hurting him." "Well, I'm not." "I'll do it for you." "No, no, no, no." "Look, look..." "I'm worried that he's gonna be really upset about it, okay?" "And the last thing I want is some big emotional scene." "So, he's coming over here, and I'm gonna tell him." "I swear." "But you can't be here." "All right, but you don't have feelings for him, right?" "Of course not." "You're the one I care for, Brad." "Now go wait outside by the garbage cans." "Okay, Claudia, look, you're angry." "Yes!" "Yes, I'm angry." "I seem to be angry a lot these days." "I'm sensing a trend." "Well, maybe it's because you're drinking too much caffeine." "Yes, it could be the caffeine." "Could be." "Yeah, or it could be that I had to find out in front of all the other parents that my own husband hired naked ladies to shake it in front of perverts." "Oh, come on, Claudia." "Look, look, other strip joints, they go so much further than we do." "I mean, they got these back rooms, these nasty dances" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Yes!" "No, you are a beacon of morality." "You know what?" "You should run for office." ""Sean Finnerty!" "He could be so much worse."" "Oh, come on!" "This is about business, okay?" "This is about the bar." "Then why didn't you tell me?" "Well, I didn't think it would interest you." "[door opens] Sean, we got problems." "What's up, Sean?" "Oh..." "Hi, Claudia." "Hi, Eddie." "How you doing, Sean?" "Hi." "Hi, guys." "How are you?" "Now it interests me." "** [theme]" "So, Claudia, I thought you were working tonight." "Nope." "Night off." "So who are your friends?" "They're my book club." "Book club, Claudia." "Claudia, the book club." "Hi." "Hi." "Hello." "Well..." "I never knew you had a book club, Ed." "What are you reading?" "The Corrections." "And what's that about?" "It's about this sort of dysfunctional family that falls apart when the dad gets sick." "That sounds interesting." "Okay, so maybe she's read a book I haven't read, but I happen to know they are strippers." "Why didn't you tell me she knew?" "I just wanted to see how far you were gonna take this book club thing." "Mom." "We found this kid outside whizzing in the bushes." "Bobby, you know better than that." "I'm sorry, Ma." "I had that Big Gulp." "Jimmy, kitchen." "Come on." "Uh, Ed, can I talk with you for just one moment, please?" "Will you excuse us, please, for just a moment?" "One minute, please." "Excuse us." "[yelling] What the hell were you thinking about?" "What?" "Why?" "Why would you bring them to my house?" "Claudia seems cool with it." "She's not cool with it." "She acting cool with it." "She's not even acting remotely cool with it." "Well, we have to agree to disagree on this one." "Why?" "Why would you bring them to my house?" "Because things were getting ugly out in front of the bar." "[Crowd] We don't want strippers." "Stick to selling pitchers." "We don't want strippers." "Stick to selling pitchers." "We don't want strippers." "Stick to selling pitchers." "So I snuck the ladies out the back way." "I needed a place to lay low for a couple of hours until the hubbub dies down." "You have an apartment." "My cousin's staying there." "Which cousin?" "You wouldn't know him." "I'm your brother!" "Excuse me, ladies." "Sean, there are strippers in my house." "In my house, strippers." "Where my children live, strippers!" "Okay, Okay." "Okay, baby, you make a good point, but let's talk about the larger issue here." "What?" "Your anger." "Oh!" "Okay!" "Baby, we-- we were desperate." "Three customers." "[sighs] Not bad... for a Friday night at 10:00." "We're in trouble." "We're flirting with bankruptcy." "We're not flirting with bankruptcy." "We're, like, on our third date with bankruptcy, and it's about to put out." "We're screwed." "We gotta figure something out, man." "We gotta get a promotion or something going to get people in here." "Why don't we get one of those mechanical bulls?" "Come on!" "They're like 10 grand." "Karaoke's cheap." "Oh, yeah, that's fresh." "It's fresher than a mechanical bull." "We can hire strippers." "[chuckles]" "You're kidding, right?" "What?" "Yeah." "Are you?" "Well, I mean, this place is an old-fashioned Irish bar." "It's not a strip bar." "Come on." "Yeah, I know, but that would make it... kind of ironic." "Yeah, and, like, it's the context, right?" "Like, this place is such a non-strip bar that if we had strippers here it would be like a comment on the very nature of stripping itself" "Yeah, that's what I mean." "I think most people would get what we were trying to do." "[crowd cheering]" "Hey, who ordered the pitcher and the side of thighs, huh?" "The money started flowing in." "I mean, it was really amazing." "The are other ways to make money in a bar besides hiring strippers." "Claudia, don't be naive." "Every bar has strippers." "What?" "Some do." "So where do you go to school?" "St. Margarets." "What grade are you in?" "That's kinda up in the air right now." "Let's just say soft seventh." "That grill outside work?" "Yep." "You think I could get a pork chop?" "Mom and Dad won't let us cook on the grill." "Could we burn stuff on it?" "As long as it's not food." "Hello." "Dean, we need to talk." "Okay, but you gotta make it quick." "Passion Train comes on in two minutes." "Chuga-chuga, chuga-chuga chuga-chuga, chuga-chuga... [imitates train whistle]" "Dean... this is...tough, but..." "I just don't think it's working out." "I mean, I just don't think we're right for each other, you know?" "And you're a really great guy, but..." "I--I just think us as a couple, you know..." "It's over." "Wow." "That is, um-- That's sudden." "I know, and I really hope you're not that upset, and I hope we can still be friends." "If that's how you feel..." "It's how I feel." "Okay." "Okay." "Are you sure you're okay?" "Yeah." "But you don't mind if I stay and watch the rest of the show?" "'Cause I mean if I leave now, I'll miss the whole first half." "Uh--uh...sure." "If you're okay with that." "[laughs] I love this part." "Chuga-chuga, chuga-chuga... [imitates train whistle] [train whistle blows on TV]" "So tell me again." "What exactly does your mother do?" "Are you slow?" "She takes off her clothes!" "And then what?" "That's pretty much it." "Oh, my God!" "How am I gonna face them?" "What's the big deal?" "They're wearing clothes now." "Yeah, now sure, but-- the other time, they're not." "And then they were..." "gonna know that I know, and then the-- we being there knowing that." "I think curly's over-thinking this." "Yeah, he does that." "Hey, let's light this baby." "Light." "Burn, baby, burn!" "What are you doing?" "I was trying to stop these two from doing something stupid." "Reggie, calm down." "It's gonna be fine." "They can't stay out there forever." "What's going on?" "The protesters are still out there." "Reggie says they attacked his car." "A bunch of moms attacked his car?" "Yeah, they yanked off his Mickey Mouse antenna ball." "Spooked him pretty bad." "Reggie, stay strong." "We'll keep monitoring the situation from here." "You know what, Ed?" "We gotta face facts." "We gotta drop this whole stripper thing." "No way." "No." "Yeah, yeah." "I mean, like, if it was just the teachers, or if it was just the parents, maybe we could win." "But when they join forces..." "You can't beat the PTA." "You know that." "Hey." "Our little friend here is a really good influence." "This is what our kids were about to burn." "Bobby, come on!" "Okay, so, fine, we can't burn this." "What can we burn?" "Nothing!" "Okay, you gotta work with me here." "Help me get to "yes."" "Veronica." "Hi." "Um, your son is giving my kids arson lessons." "I'm taking you home." "But..." "I'm sorry." "He knows better than that." "Yeah, you know what?" "I thought my kids did, too, but apparently not." "Well, I'd leave him home with his father, but that's where he gets all his stupid ideas." "Exactly." "I know exactly what you mean." "It's like having another kid." "Eddie, we're taking off." "Me, too." "Sorry, Eddie, but this is so not worth it." "Come on." "This controversy is gonna be great for us." "It brings out the First Amendment freaks, and they're big tippers." "The ladies wanna give up, and we've worked too hard for too long to let that happen." "What do you mean, "work too hard?"" "You made a phone call in Jersey, asked for five strippers." "What's this?" "What?" ""Nude, nude, nude." "Only blocks from St. Finnians school."" "That's--that's weird." "Yeah, everybody at school had these." "Kids were using them as book covers." "We--we didn't print these up." "This smacks of sabotage." "You think?" "This is what the PTA got all riled up about." "Somebody set us up, somebody who doesn't want us in the business." "Wow." "Well, whoever they are, I guess they win and we lose." "Damn!" "Wait a minute." "I recognizer this." "What?" "It's just a picture of a naked lady." "Yeah, it's a naked lady I've been seeing for 20 years." "It's yours, Sean." "It's not mine!" "Yeah." "Big boobs, the tiny waist, no legs-- 'cause you could never draw ankles" "This is-- Now you're talking crazy!" "You set me up!" "No, I didn't!" "You sabotaged me!" "My own brother!" "Ed, I had my reasons!" "You broke my heart!" "You got any pie here?" "No, we don't." "Do you got any crumb cake?" "You ate it 45 minutes ago." "Did I save any?" "No." "Bobby, you just ate two tubes of Pringles." "One of them was open!" "Jimmy, why don't you take Bobby and go watch TV?" "No, I'm here." "I'm cool." "I'm right here." "No, you're not." "Not cool." "Go." "Hey, um, what is this show?" "Oh, that's Passion Train." "My mom won't let me watch it." "She says, "That's too racy."" "Your mom is a stripper." "Yeah?" "What's your point, Red?" "My point is..." "get out, all of you!" "Or what?" "She'll start to smack us." "She wouldn't hit me, I'm company." "Okay, okay!" "Lil!" "Lil!" "Check this out!" "Kendra just took Stephen into the sleeper car." "[both laugh]" "This is so great, you know?" "I was really worried you were gonna be sad." "But I'm so glad you're not...at all." "How could you do it, Sean?" "How could you go behind my back like that?" "We're partners, and you sabotaged me." "Hey, we were partners in a bar, all right?" "I didn't want it to become a strip club." "Oh, you could have fooled me with all your whooping and hollering." "Maybe at first, okay?" "But then I-- I changed my mind." "I started to see things more clearly." "[crowd cheering]" "Now, you ladies men out there, break out with those wallets because I'm about to provide the ultimate in adult entertainment." "I give you..." "Destiny." "** [rock] [telephone rings]" "Hello." "Red Boot." "Molly Fitzgerald?" "Uh, she's dancing on stage right now." "Oh." "Oh, Mrs. Fitzgerald?" "Hi." "How are you?" "Last one." "Capital of Nebraska?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "I know this!" "I know this one!" "I know this one!" "Uh, Lincoln." "It's Lincoln." "It's Lincoln." "Lincoln." "Yeah, Lincoln." "It's Lincoln." "Okay, uh... cat litter, uh-huh." "Low-fat milk." "No--yeah." "We got cat litter already." "Yeah, she's, uh-- she's great." "She's great." "We love her, too." "She's sweet." "It's okay." "It's okay." "It's okay." "A lot of dogs do great with just three legs." "They're so cute the way they hop around." "[crying]" "It's gonna be okay." "Oh--hello." "Is that Mr. Fitzgerald?" "Hi, sir." "How are you?" "Yeah, I'm her boss." "I know." "I know." "Yeah, she's great." "Yeah, you guys-- you guys are up late." "It's all gone, man, okay?" "Naked strangers are hot." "Naked employees are..." "awkward." "Sean, taking a sauna with your dad is awkward." "These women are strippers." "The word "strip" is right in their job title!" "I knew you wouldn't-- I know you wouldn't understand." "Is that why you went behind my back?" "Look, I wanted to tell you." "If it was just me and you, I would have told you, you know?" "But there were other interested parties." "[crowd cheering]" "Ed." "Ed." "We gotta talk." "Just a second." "This is good." "This is very good." "Your investors were beginning to lose faith in your business acumen." "Please reassure them." "We know what we're doing." "Just keep it up." "I'm gonna need some singles." "You got it." "I was screwed!" "You know, I had to make the strippers go away, but I couldn't be the one who did it." "So I had to get some..." "help from above." "Finnerty." "Are you here about Henry and the holy-water incident?" "Oh, no, no, no." "I'm not here as a parent, Sister Helen." "I'm here as a businessman." "Oh?" "And what kind of business is that?" "Strippers." "I'm sorry?" "That's right, strippers." "Nude, erotic dancers." "Yes, I know what they are." "How unfortunate." "Yeah, it is, but, uh, sadly, I'm well within my right, so there's nothing you can do about it." "Okay." "Would you hand me those books there?" "Sure." "Thank you." "Wait a minute." "You're not against stripping, Sister Helen?" "Oh, I am against stripping, Mr. Finnerty." "All right, then." "Bring it on!" "Raise the alarms!" "Notify the Church officials!" "Get the Bishop's going!" "Come on!" "See if I give a damn!" "Mr. Finnerty, do you want me to protest your bar?" "Hey, whoa--hey, it's a free country, Sister." "I can't stop you from protesting anything you wanna protest, especially my sleazy, youth-corrupting bar that's just down the street and over a couple blocks." "You're right." "But since it's behind closed doors," "I don't see how it's any of my business." "Wait a minute." "Isn't cleaning up the streets your job as a nun?" "I think that's Shaft." "Okay, fine." "Fine, you just stay here while I hasten the moral decay of our society." "Well, I have enough to worry about, Mr. Finnerty." "As long as the parents aren't screaming about it," "I really don't care." "Bye-bye." "Okay, kid, take that home and show it to your mom, okay?" "Are you proud of yourself?" "No, not particularly, but it worked." "You know, a couple house later, the PTA was out in force." "Oh, how nice for you." "Oh, come on, Ed!" "Were we making money at the bar?" "Sure, yeah, we were making a little bit of money." "But at what cost, huh?" "My soul!" "That's what the cost was!" "You know, I quit the subway 'cause it was dirty and degrading." "I didn't want that to happen to our bar." "Sean, do you think the investors are gonna roll over just because a couple of moms put up some signs?" "Once the PTA moves on, they're gonna want the naked ladies back." "Well, I'll just go to them." "I'll tell them the truth." "No." "Don't even joke about that." "Look, it's all I know." "I'll talk to them." "You will?" "I'll tell them..." "I'll tell them we can't afford the scrutiny because we don't have a liquor license." "What are you talking about, man?" "What's that--what's that thing over the cash register?" "That looks like a liquor license, right?" "Thanks, Ed." "Thanks." "[laughs]" "Lil, you missed it." "Gina just left Dylan on the platform." "[fakes laugh]" "Dean, I haven't been completely honest with you." "You see, the truth is..." "I've been seeing someone else." "You have?" "I'm afraid so." "Hey, Dean." "What?" "[laughs] No way!" "Oh, yeah, sucker!" "Can you taste that, huh?" "Dean's in the house!" "Oh, yes, he is!" "You have got to be kidding me!" "Dean, I'm so sorry." "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you." "I can't believe this!" "Oh, believe it, Mr. Handsome." "Oh!" "Aah!" "Dean, Dean-- Bring it." "Bring it." "I'm sorry." "I did not want you to find out like this." "Then why would you tell me like this?" "I believe honesty is very important." "Yeah..." "Thanks for warming her up for me, Dean." "Brad--Aah!" "You know what?" "You are crazy!" "And you?" "You're just an idiot!" "The two of you, you deserve each other!" "So have fun!" "Go for it!" "And, Lil, don't call me." "I knew he was gonna take it badly." "You wanna buy your kid the hundred dollar sneakers." "And the game cubes and the skateboards." "So you work your butt off, and then you get to feel guilty." "Because you're not spending enough time at home." "Yes, and then you take time off to be a better mom, but before you know it, the bills start to pile up." "And you start having to do bachelor parties." "And frat parties." "Internet stuff." "Yeah." "Or temp or something." "Hey, ladies." "Okay, here you are." "Enjoy." "Claudia, can I speak with you for a second?" "Excuse us." "Thank you." "Okay, baby--ahem" "You were right to be angry, okay?" "You shouldn't have found out about the strippers through the PTA." "Thank you." "I shouldn't have." "Right." "And I'm gonna make it okay, 'cause I'm getting rid of the strippers." "You can't." "Wait." "I thought that's what you wanted me to do!" "They have kids and apartments and expenses." "Yeah, that's why I want them to stop degrading themselves." "How are they supposed to make a living?" "Uh, Sean?" "I'm sorry, but we gotta go." "This just ain't happening for us." "No, wait." "What are you guys gonna do?" "Oh, we can still pick up a late set at the Booby Trap." "You can?" "Just like that?" "Oh, yeah." "We can still make 500 bucks tonight." "500 bucks?" "You still worried about 'em?" "No, I want you guys to pay for those sandwiches." "Great to meet you, Claudia." "You should come see us perform sometime." "Sure, yeah." "Okay." "Maybe." "Hey, Bobby, let's go." "We're going to the Booby Trap." "Hey, uh, thanks for the hospitality." "I'll see you tomorrow, Mom." "What?" "Bobby said I could sleep over." "No way." "Upstairs." "Oh, and, uh, just so you know, that sugar bowl upstairs filled with change?" "It was empty when I got there." "[TV playing]" "Hey, Mom." "You know what I wanna be when I grow up?" "What's that, Henry?" "Train conductor." "That's so cute." "Yeah, then I could ride across the country with a bunch of red hot singles ready for action." "Gimme that remote." "It's the Passion Train Two Hour Elimination Special." "What are you doing?" "Changing the channel." "Oh, man!" "Cool!" "Reading Rainbow!" "Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc." "Burbank, CA"