"Women!" "If it were for a bacchanal orgy they would stampede towards it!" "But today, no sign of them!" "Greetings, neighbour Cleonica." " Lysistrata, what's the matter?" "Men call us sly, and rightly so!" "We all agreed to meet and deliberate on serious matters." "But all the women are still asleep!" "They'll be here!" "They have their morning chores." "Their husbands must have their breakfast." "Their babies must be fed and bathed." "This is more important!" "What's it about?" "A big thing..." "Big, hard, and prickly!" "It's not what you think, or they'd be here already!" "It's a big thing I've got on my hands." "The salvation of Greece depends on... the women!" "Then, goodbye, salvation!" "The way things go, all Greeks will perish in the war!" "Spartans and Athenians and everybody else!" "However, if women from all over the country get together they will save Greece!" "No more will man fight against man!" "He will hold spear and shiled no more!" "Down with the sword!" "Shouldn't the women come for such a cause?" "Athenian women are never punctual!" "No-one from the coasts, either." "They're riding the morning masts...!" "No-one from the outskrits, either." "Some women are coming!" "More and more of them!" "They're from Sewerville..." "Where's Lysistrata?" "We're not late, are we?" "It's never too early for such a big thing!" "What is it?" "Tell us!" "Let's wait for the others." "Here comes Lampito from Sparta." "Welcome, Spartan Lampito..." "Why, darling, you're more beautiful than ever!" "You can put a bull to ground!" "Exercise is the thing!" "If I jumped, I could touch my buttocks with my heels!" "You're well provided for!" "It's queer the way you touch them!" "Well, who convened this assembly?" "Me." "I did!" "By Zeus, tell us!" "First..." "A question." "Go ahead and ask!" "When your husbands go to the wars doesn't that screw your necks, but nothing else?" "Wasted lips and thighs and breasts." "Lonely and wasted are our beds!" "Wasted lips and thighs and breasts." "Lonely and wasted are our beds!" "How can you cool your poor heated selves when your refreshing jugs are emptied in the war?" "Wasted lips and thighs and breasts." "Our cage is empty, the bird has flown away." "Wasted lips and thighs and breasts." "Our cage is empty, the bird has flown away." "Wasted lips and thighs and breasts." "Lonely and wasted are our beds!" "Mine has been away for five months!" "And mine, two hundred and seven nights!" "Mine comes stealthily for a quick go and leaves me holding the gate!" "Making love is a thing of the past..." "We have even forgotten how to do it!" "That's why I decided to put an end to our tortures by ending the war!" "I'd give my precious panties for it!" "I'd give all of myself!" "I'd climb high mountains barefooted!" "Here's my plan..." "If we want our men to make peace, ...we must not give it to them!" "What?" "Will you listen?" "Even if we have to die!" "Well, lady, ...if you want peace," "...if peace you want to obtain," "From the joys of sex you must abstain!" "Lady, swear that you will not care for it." "Even if you see it up and kicking." "Be adamant, be firm." "Do not kick back!" "Why are you so pale all of a sudden?" "Well, lady, ...if you want peace, ...if peace you want to obtain," "From the joys of sex you must abstain!" "Lady, if you want a joyful life, ...peace hard and fast." "Refrain from desire and say "avast"!" "Lysistrata," "I can't say avast..." "Instead of a sexual fast let me die if I must!" "Lysistrata, I'm all alone under my bed-covers." "I'm dreaming of lecherous latin lovers!" "Women are utter sluts!" "Euripides was so right in saying it!" "We had it coming to us!" "You and me, good Spartan lady, we can still save the day!" "It's a hard thing for a woman to live without a hard thing." "But if we want to do it, we must have peace!" "You're the only woman worthy of the name!" "Even if we abstained, how would that bring peace?" "We'll stay at home..." "Not caring for anything except for our tempting looks." "We'll make up and dress up..." "We'll be peaches that can't be eaten!" "Our men, blinded with desire they will be asking for it, but not getting it!" ""If you give no peace to us, you get no piece of ass!"" "Well, they'll conclude a treaty in no time!" "Suppose they leave us flat?" "Suppose they take us by force?" "We'll resist!" "Suppose they beat us?" "Then, give in!" "But be nasty about it!" "Forced love is sour!" "In that case, we're all in it together!" "We'll manage with Spartan men." "What about yours?" "All men are the same!" "They have a fleet..." "They have gold in the Acropolis..." "I thought of that!" "We'll steal the gold..." "The old women, pretending to sacrifice will seize the Acropolis and its treasures!" "Now, let's take the Oath to make this binding!" "Go ahead, say the Oath!" "Someone give me the entrails." "What kind of an Oath is it?" "The one Aeschylus wrote." "We will swear on a shield." "An Oath for peace on a war shield?" "Would you like the white horse of an Amazon?" "No!" "A jug of wine!" "A jug!" "A jug!" "A wonderful idea!" "We'll swear that we won't dilute it with water." "Bring out a jug!" "We will not be "made" until peace is made!" "Oh, Mistress Persuasion..." "Me!" "Let me be the first!" "Raise your hands and repeat after me." ""Husband, lover, or any other male I will not let lie with me." "And if he should force me to it my knees will cling together." "I would better rage like a dog but I will not raise my legs!" "If I this oath do not maintain let me from wine forever abstain!"" "Since we all agree, I'll dedicate the ablation." "Bottoms up!" "Never to a man!" "Even to a male cat!" "Men of Athens, on foot and riding slaves and masters, soldiers and generals..." "In short, all men of Athens:" "We've been had by the birds!" "What's the matter?" "The old women have taken the Acropolis!" "Athens, Thebes, Sparta." "And all the islands." "Have lost their best offspring." "In cruel battle." "Peace means happiness and bread!" "Lampito, you'll organise the resistance in Sparta!" "Women..." "The joyful day is here..." "Some of us will go and secure the Acropolis." "What if the men attack us?" "Let them try!" "If they dare!" "By Aphrodite..." "Women of Greece, our war is sacred!" "Be quick, men!" "We'll smoke them out if they won't open the gate!" "We'll burn them out!" "They'll roast like rats!" "Girls be brave!" "Pour water!" "Chase them with broomsticks, pluck them like chicks!" "Old men, drivelling and doting," "...are upon us with flaming torches..." "Pour water!" "Piss them!" "Bring water in jugs and chamber-pots!" "Old man's torch is burning but limp..." "Old pants, full of piss and shit..." "Helen from Corinth, Ariadne from Creta," "raise your skirts, let them burn up!" "Hands down, old man!" "Is this ladylike?" "Why, was that manlike?" "Who are battles for?" "For women too, if need be!" "You've seen nothing yet!" "Go ahead and try!" "I'll make you a eunuch!" "Then who will screw you?" "I'll rip you apart!" "Euripides was so right about you..." ""No creature is more loathsome than woman!"" "I'll barbecue you with this torch!" "Try if you dare!" "You'll be staked!" "I'll give you a pissing bath!" "Impudent bitch!" "I am a free woman!" "I won't be ordered about!" "Nice and fresh?" "I'm shaking all over!" "I'm gardening..." "Perhaps you'll bloom!" "Use your fire to dry up!" "NO GREEK:" "BARBARIAN" "From what I gather, the women are on the warpath!" "Never in history have they done anything good." "See what happened to us:" "We are insulted and soaked!" "As if we had pissed ourselves!" "Whose fault is it?" "By Poseidon, the fault is our own!" "Don't say that!" "We spoiled and pampered them!" "We answered all their wishes!" "Nonsense!" "I am Commissioner of Public Safety... and now I see that the gold for our fleet is stolen!" "I have no time to waste..." "Bring crowbars..." "We'll pry the gate open!" "Save your trouble..." "Here I am!" "Is that you, bitch?" "Arrest the woman!" "Whoever lays a finger on me, will regret it!" "Archers!" "Take her!" "If you dare, you'll lose all your hair!" "Attack, my braves!" "One step, and you'll be toothless and hairless!" "One more, and you'll piss your feet!" "I'll give them a good lesson!" "My braves!" "March!" "Alas!" "The archers are running out on me." "Charge!" "Onward, women!" "You, tavern-waitresses, seamstresses and serving maids..." "At arms, onward!" "You, flesh-mongers, strip-teasers, fortune-tellers..." "You, hookers, bookers, real and phony artists!" "Onward, Athenian women!" "Defend your country!" "Let us raise the eternal flag of the Graeco-Creto-Athenian super-civilisation!" "Let us tear the paper tiger of Male Imperialism!" "Behave, girls!" "Man's habits, plundering and the like, are strictly forbidden!" "Alas!" "My braves have deserted me!" "Serves you right!" "I'm as gentle as can be but I sting back like a waspish bee!" "Why did you take the Treasury from the Acropolis?" "It's simple:" "No money, no war!" "The money's the cause of the war?" "Yes!" "That's why the war goes on!" "The money's behind every evil!" "Now that we have taken it will you be able to go on?" "What are your plans?" "Stupid question!" "We'll budget the money." "You'll handle the money?" "Our national economy?" "We budget the household accounts." "That's different!" "It's the same!" "There is a war on!" "Who needs it?" "How can we be saved?" "We'll save you!" "Say that again!" "We'll save you!" "They are crazy!" "We are sane!" "Tell me how!" "When the war began, we reasoned and thought:" "This is man's job." "But when your mistakes made us suffer, we asked you:" ""Did you talk about peace in the Assembly?"" "You answered: "Shut up!" And we did." "You did right!" "Things went from bad to worse and men got madder..." ""Women, if you ask about peace again, I'll beat you up!"" "Women have nothing to do with public affairs!" "How could we remain indifferent to your tragic blunders?" "There isn't a man left in the country!" "Where are we heading to?" "Where to?" "That's why we decided to save Greece!" "Now you'll take orders from us!" "We'll save you!" "You will save us?" "I won't take orders from a creature who wears a veil!" "Never!" "If that's the obstacle, then you wear a veil too." "Women!" "To the Acropolis!" "# Katerina, Lina, and Lili, # ...follow me to Acropoli!" "# Katerina, Lina, and Lili, # ...follow me to Acropoli!" "# We'll be safe drom drudgery, # ...and from man's skulduggery!" "When our bodies will burn with desire, ...and men will stoop on us with a raging dingus..." "Then, eternal glory will crown our heads:" "We'll have abolished the war!" "You, asparagus-like bag of bones!" "You got mad because we took your money!" "The government is a though thing." "We're used to tough things." "The affairs are in one hell of a snarl..." "We'll unsnarl them, as we do with wool." "How will you appease an insurrection?" "As we appease a morning erection!" "We took the reins from your hands..." "You only took our dirty pans!" "We took your government and all..." "You only took a hollow ball!" "Shameless, you deserve a slap!" "Why don't you shut your trap?" "Female sex, disgraceful and shameless!" "The wrath of the gods will fall upon you!" "What's the matter?" "Shame to utter, pain to hold unsaid..." "The rage from down below has touched our minds!" "In briefest compass, we want to get laid." "By Zeus!" "He can't do it by himself." "We're far too many!" "The women slip out in droves!" "One scooped out a hole from Pan's Grotto..." "Another took off to the nearest bawdyhouse." "Excuses, pretexts for overnight passes!" "Look there!" "Here comes one..." "Where to, wench?" "I've got the wool in the house..." "The moths will batter it to bits!" "No fear!" "Get back inside!" "I must spread it out..." "Shall I let my piecework rot?" "The wool will stay unspread, and you unlaid!" "Quick!" "A midwife!" "Help me deliver!" "Oh, goddess of childbirth!" "Why, I'll be..." "Come here!" "I'm due any second!" "You weren't pregnant yesterday..." "Today I am." "A miracle!" "I may not make it..." "You want to get made!" "I'm going to deliver..." "Your belly is too hard..." "It must be a tough boy..." "Your boy must be made of bronze." "Get lost!" "This is too much!" "You only think of mating..." "Of wool-spreading, belly-laying, and dating!" "Back up!" "Be patient!" "Back up!" "Be chaste!" "This is too much!" "You only think of wooing..." "Of kissing, embracing, and screwing!" "Back up!" "Be patient!" "Back up!" "Be chaste!" "Foolish creatures!" "You miss your men don't you?" "Don't you think their nights are as hard as yours?" "Back up!" "Endure!" "Victory will be ours!" "We're going to do it!" "We'll do it!" "Besides, it's in the prophecy..." "I forgot to tell you about it..." "I got an oracle!" "Straight from the horse's mouth." "From the Pythia." "Be silent, women... unmarried, married, and in-between." ""When the swallows discipline their desire and do not give their bodies to sire..." "Then, whoever is under, will be on top!"" "We'll be on top!" "Lysistrata, let me kiss you!" ""But should these swallows be laid, ...everything will be destroyed, unmade!" "Everything is doomed to flop, ...doomed to flop is everything!"" "We won't be on top?" "We won't be anywhere!" "Never!" "We're united in battle united to sex!" "What great ideas!" "Let's defend our sacred cause!" "Reason alone, stumbles and falls." "The oracle does it, though it be false!" "For when a man, is full of lust how do you expect, a woman to last?" "I have a tale from the olden times to relate." "A married man left his home." "It's never too late." "He reached a deep forrest." "Full of beautiful maidens." "His shop is now closed." "He's singing and dreaming." "He's playing and laughing." "He's forgotten his mother-in-law." "I'd like to kiss you or kick you!" "Go to Hades!" "There's a young man in a deep forrest..." "He's carefree..." "He's living it up... ?" "?" "No weapons, no daggers, no troubles." "He's playing with beautiful maidens." "No fight, no troubles, only maidens." "Maidens in his arms, day and night." "He was a real man." "He was lion-hearted." "You're chicken-hearted!" "You live well, if you love well!" "You live well, if you love well!" "Who's that man with a promontory in front of him?" "He's suffering from an elongated lump!" "That's Kinesias, my loving husband!" "Is that so?" "He's so pitiful, my boy!" "The war!" "You can only put the blame on the war!" "War is the root of all evil!" "That's what we are fighting for." "This fight is a good fight." "And we're on a man-diet!" "You'll do your duty, my good Myrrhine." "Stew him in his own juice!" "Serve our cause!" "General Lysistrata, I'm deeply touched by this mission." "Our fate is in your hands!" "Our little secrets are well known, ...ever since men have given us a raw deal." "They took the arms, the money, and everything." "And they split the world:" "Men and Women." "They split the world in two camps:" "Men and Women." "Sound the alarm!" "An enemy!" "Eat him up!" "We're on a diet!" "Why, hello, Kinesias!" " How do you know me?" " All women know you!" "Your wife talks about you all the time..." ""My Kinesias is a real bull!"" "She keeps saying to all of us:" ""My Kinesias would manage all of you!"" "Thank Zeus!" "The way she goes about it, you must be really special." " She's not complaining..." " Naughty boy!" "She's mad about you!" "When I tell her that you're not the only man, she says:" ""My Kinesias shakes me up!"" "You know what she means..." " Bring her out here!" " My fee?" "You'll have it later." "There's... plenty!" "Your lovely wife first..." "Don't waste any time!" "It's hard, getting harder all the time!" "I love him, but he doesn't want my love." "Myrrhine." "My little bird." "What are you talking about?" "It's true." "You're wrong!" "Come down here!" "Never, never, never!" "You refuse?" "You don't need me." "Myrrhine..." "Can't you see?" "It could be your purse." "I'm not coming." "I'm going." "Wait a moment!" "Think of our child." "Say "mama"." "Say "mama", you bastard!" "How can you be such a pitiless mother?" "Come for the baby's sake." "I'll sin for my baby." "You're so beautiful!" "If you knew how you turn me on!" "My little darling." "Those women are leading you around." "Our home is going to hell!" "Our child will have a hangup." "The house is full of chicken." "But I'm not coming back, unless you stop the war!" "It's up to the Parliament." "For the present I'm sworn off." "Come for just a minute." "I'd like to, but..." "So what's the trouble?" "Lie down!" "In front of the baby?" "Take the bastard away!" "We're rid of the kid." "Let's go to Pan's Grotto." "How can I expunge the pollution?" " What about my oath?" " I'll take the blame!" "I'll get a mattress." "I can't put you to bed in the dirt!" "She's really mad about me!" "There." "Come." "Lie down while I undress." "I forgot!" "We need a mattress!" "Who wants a mattress?" "Not on the ropes!" "A kiss!" "Only one." "Lie down!" "Where is my comb?" "We don't have a pillow!" "Even on our wedding night I was not this turned on!" "Now we have everything." "My sandal." "Don't break your promise." "About the peace." "You have my word!" "We need a sheet." "I don't want it!" "We're nearly finished." "The sheet!" "They're looking at us." "You're taking the hell out of me!" " Get up." " I've been up for hours!" "I'll put some perfume on you." "You smell like a bull." "Damn perfume!" "Wait!" "Don't go!" "Come back!" "The bitch!" "What a blow was that, poor man!" "They poured oil on your flaming fire." "How can you put it out now?" "No man, no human can take such a pole, such a stake." "Such an axe, like a tax." "Go ahead and run." "And hit everyone!" "Oh gods, I'm burning." "I pity you." "What an agony!" "That slut, that hag!" "No!" "Slight not my sweet love!" "That snake?" "Oh Zeus, snatch that bitch up on high, tumble her over, trundle her under, and drop her on our comrade's tool!" "Where is the Council of Elders?" "I bring an important message!" "Who are you?" "Are you a human or what else?" "I'm Spartan, coming for arrangements." " And what is that in front of you?" " What do you think?" " It is becoming bigger and bigger." " Like yours." " I see." " Good, you are smart." "What's the news from Sparta?" "We are very upset." "And the allies too." "It's sent from the gods." "No, it's sent by Lampito." "She said: "Peace, or women-diet!"" "Here is the same situation." "You mean it's all over Greece." "Don't waste time, say that yours are as ours." " What do you mean?" " Our problems." "In spite of this..." "I'm going to tell them..." "Fire, Women, and the Sea..." "Evils are they three!" "They screw me!" "Why don't you stop the war?" "I'll never stop hating you." "Have your heart's desire." "But I'll never stop loving you." "I can't live with you, I can't live without you." "You fawned me into it..." "I swear that we will live peacefully from now on..." "Captains and soldiers, come to your senses." "Girls don't like your daggers and spears." "Captains and soldiers, come to your senses." "Girls don't like your daggers and spears." "Young man, don't let me live alone anymore." "Think of your mother, drop your weapon." "Young man, don't let me live alone anymore." "Think of your mother, drop your weapon." "Captains and soldiers, think of the tax payers." "Girls don't like buying bread so dearly." "Young man, think of your sweetheart." "Your hands are needed in the fields." "Young man, think of your sweetheart." "Your hands are needed in the fields." "Here come the Spartan ambassadors." "You're in the same predicament!" "They look like upside down sailing boats." "Greetings, Spartans!" "You're up a stump!" "Greetings, Athenians!" "You have a hitch in the crotch!" "You're not in a better state yourselves." "Thank Zeus!" "We come for peace." "Now thank Zeus!" "Send for Lysistrata!" "Only she can reconcile our differences." "Hail, great Lysistrata." "The leaders of Greece expect salvation from you!" "Since you could stand up, ...and did not seek solution between yourselves, ...it's proof that Greeks are real men," "True and loyal to their women." "Let peace herself come here." "Being a women, she knows how to put down an uprising." "And every difference that rises," "...she knows how to soothe!" "Brave Greeks, whether Spartans or Athenians!" "You're all Greeks, of one religion and one language." "Why fight each other, while you're all threatened by the Persians?" "Remember how you helped each other in the past." "And learn how to be graceful." "I've never seen such a wise woman!" "And such a lovely bird..." "So, why continue this civil war?" "By Zeus, we'll take this hill!" "What hill?" "The Promontory of Pylos." "Never!" "Give it to them!" "And live without it?" "Demand another spot." "Then you hand over to us, the Maniac Gulf, ...with its curly and furious waves." "It was the cause of war, and is now the solution for peace." "You'll reach an agreement." "Conclude a treaty, and then deliberate with your allies." "There are more pressing matters now!" "The most important has been done." "You have concluded Peace!" "Go to the vineyards!" "Rejoice and be merry!" "And sow your wild oats!" "Now, at long last, don't say "avast"." "Piece by piece, we have joined Peace together." "The tale has its meaning and here it is:" "Up Love and Concord, down with war!" "Villages and towns are fighting no more!" "The tale has its meaning and here it is:" "Help the earth be united and peaceful." "Athenians and Spartans, hand in hand," "...are now making love, not war." "The vineyard needs work and toil." "Death must be scared away." "Never again shall sound the trumpets of war." "Never again shall sound the trumpets of war." "Eat, drink, carouse!" "Praise Peace and Love!" "Love makes life beautiful, my friends!" "Long live Lysistrata!" "You have won!" "Men and women are no longer apart." "Dance, girls." "Dance, boys." "The fertile land needs your hands." "It needs digging and ploughing." "And good rain will do the rest." "Long live Lysistrata!" "You have won!" "Men and women are no longer apart!" "You found out it was a hard thing to beat me." "If you wish a hard thing, go ahead and try me." "Catch me first, if you want to slake your thirst!" "I'll give you children, my wife." "Praise, Peace, Love, and Life!" "But no-one listened to the women in THE END!"