"Previously on Queer as Folk:" "I don't get why everyone left." "It's one of the great mysteries of life... why do queers desert one club for another." "You can't leave the diner, Debbie, you are the diner." "Lipo and brow lift." "So why not just have a little snip and clip and be done with it." "I'd like to apply for the job." "I know I don't have any qualifications... but if you could just give me a chance." "Holy shit, would you look how long that line is?" "We can either work out an equitable agreement between Jenny Rebecca's three parents, or we can go to court and let a judge resolve this." "I know, everybody says Tuscany, the di Amalfi coast..." " Positano, Ravello..." "Oh my God, the most beautiful place I've ever seen." "And not to mention the men." " No, let's mention the men." "I mean, is there any Italian with less than an 8-inch cock?" "How long you guys have been togther?" " Four years" " Four weeks." "You guys got to get your stories straight." " It's complicated." "Obviously..." " What about you?" "Going on ten years." "Shit!" "That's amazing, how do you do it?" "I'm not sure I want to hear this." " Communication," "Honesty." " Respect." " And a lot of fucking around." "A couple that plays together, stays together." "That's what I've always said." "Nothing will kill a marriage faster than monogamy." "Yeah, tried that for about six months." "Really split us up." "He started lying, sleeping around..." " You caught me fucking the neighbour." "Instead of kicking him out, I thought "this guy is hot!", so..." "I joined them." " Solved all of our problems." "In these sorry times of faggots hurling themselves like lemmings into the sea of matrimony, it's refreshing to find a couple who're hung, but not hung up." "So how about we hook up again?" "We have a strict rule not to see anyone twice." "But... since there are two of you..." "Okay, I'm a lowly writer-professor, for Christ sakes, not an MIT graduate." "You need an advanced degree to put this fucking crib together." "You're gonna have to watch that potty mouth of yours once J.R. arrives." "It's official." "According to the State of Pennsylvania I know have one-third custody of my daughter." "Congratulations..." "I could have more if Brian hadn't stuck his nose in." "Hey, hey, it's not his fault." "He's the one who convinced Lindsey to fight for custody!" "Paid for her goddamn lawyer!" " Well, she's J.R.'s mother too, it's only fair." "I suppose." "So now I get to split a baby three ways." "You know, as long as she's loved and cared for, I'm sure it'll all work out." "Would you help me put this thing together, before I lose my fucking..." "Yes, before I lose my mind." "Your eggs are up." "Wheat or rye, buttered or dry?" "Err, rye dry." " Rye dry." "Sweetheart?" " Yes?" "Will you sit down?" "Please?" "Stop waiting on me like I was in the diner?" "I guess old habits die hard." "You wanted bacon, extra crispy..." "If you don't stop..." "I'm not leaving you a tip." "Oh, and I was counting on a big one tonight." "Honey... you're getting more than just a tip." "Why, Carl Horbath..." "The more I'm around you the more I can't keep my hands off you." "You're not bored, are you?" "Fucking our brains out?" " No." "Not working." "Are you kidding?" "I don't know why I waited so long." "I finally have my life all to myself." "So what's on our lady of leisure's agenda for today?" "Oh, a matinee, interplay... perhaps a piece of Mauler." "A piece of what?" "Thank God hanging around Libery Avenue made you a sex maniac and not a showtune queen." "I'm going to go buy some pajamas." "All of mine seem to be disappearing." " That's because I took them." "I should've known!" "It was too good to be true, a cross dresser!" "You're sexier without them." " You know what this is, don't you." "It is grand theft pajamas." "I could have you arrested." "But..." "I'd prefer to have you work it off." "Good morning Brian, got these files we talked about, the Gerber accounts..." "Greenwald accounts, and payroll." "I was up till one in the morning, got to get everything all signed and sealed." "Now there's really nothing left to do for the next few days." "I'm kind of free as a bird." "Listen, I need to take a little time off." "Vacation?" "Sabbatical?" "Drug binge?" " A small medical procedure." "Finally getting that penile enlargement?" "When are you leaving?" "Tomorrow." "I know, it's short notice but they had a cancellation they said they can fit me in." "But..." "I'll be back in a week." "Ten days, tops." "So what are you having done?" "What makes you think I'm having anything done?" "Um, the endless hours you spend pulling your face back?" "Smoothing your stomache?" "Spill." "Uh, you know." "Nothing major..." "Brow lift, blepharoplasty on my upper and lower eyelids, precision contour and liposuction on my gut." "What price beauty." "It ain't cheap." "However, they are sucking my chin out for free." "They way gay men are obsessed with youth and beauty!" "An entire subculture convinced that the meaning of happiness is no love handles." "How pathetic." "How tragic." "How profitable." " Go ahead, mock my endeavors at self improvement." "You know, not all of us are as lucky as you." "We all can't be Brian Kinney." "The rest of us poor schlobs, we have to work twice as hard to look half as good." "I'm sorry Theodore, I don't mean to impune your noble efforts," "I just think you're making a big mistake not getting that penile enlargement." "She's so adorable!" "Can I take her home?" "Sure, why not, everybody else is." "I didn't know you had a guest." "Justin's not a guest." "Didn't we agree you're going to ring the bell, not just pop in?" "Hey Lindsey..." "Hello Justin." "I haven't seen you since you've been back from L.A." " I know..." "I was planning on calling but I don't have your new number." "I'm sure Brian could've given it to you." "So how's Gus?" "Gus is doing great." "He's growing as we speak." "He's even starting to read." "You go away for a few months and everything changes!" " No shit." "I have fallen hopelessly in love with your daughter." "Well, she's pretty irresistable." " Yeah." "I found this fleece sleepwear for the baby." "It's starting to get chilly." " Tell me about it." "I got three: one for you, one for me and one for when she's with Michael." "You have to remind me?" "We all have to make sure she's taken care of." "Oh, you've seen to that!" "Thanks to you I have to hand my daughter over to some stranger." "Michael is hardly a stranger." " Why, he might as well be." "What does he know about taking care of an infant?" "She should be with me instead of being tossed around like a fucking football." "Maybe I'd better go." " No, we're going to have tea, goddamnit!" "I'll get it." " You don't live here anymore, remember?" "Of course, how could I forget." "Well if you would've listened to me and done what I said, we wouldn't be playing this game of "baby baby, who's got the baby"." "That's what's killing you, isn't it." "It has nothing to do with the baby or the custody agreement." "It has to do with you, Melanie Marcus, not getting her way, not having complete control over everything." "Well, tough shit, you don't." "So get used to it." "Um, I'll get the tea." "Swim!" "Swim, come on, pull!" "Finish it off!" "How did I do?" "Two tenths of a second off your personal best." " Fucking A." "It's because I'm nailing those flip turns." " Bet you ten bucks it's your place." "Think so?" " Know so." "Alright everybody, let's gather up, let's go!" "Good practice!" "Very good!" "You swim this hard in two days and we'll hold our heads high at the meet." "Now go get a good meal, get some sleep, and don't strain anything." "Are you winners?" " Yeah!" "I asked you, are you winners?" " Yeah!" " That's more like it." "And put away the toys before you scrub down." "Hey, I gotta say, first I had my doubts but Hunter's coming through gangbusters." "I always knew he can do it, he just needed some incentive and some support." "And friends." " And having a parent that's willing to take the time to work with him." "Thanks." "Appreciate it, coach." "I'll see you at the meet." "Good swim." "Yeah, thanks, you too." "Yo Hunter, you coming?" " Yeah." "Hey Hunter, we're going!" " Wait up!" "Look, I know you think my getting a little work done is a frivolous expense, a foolish excersize in vanity." "However," "I just had the most fabulous idea for my next segment." "Queer guy follows you through your entire surgery." "Every little snip and clip." "Then, I bring you on my show, for the big reveal." "Or," "I go with my avocado night-repair mask, as planned." "Stick with the guacamole." "But promise me, no matter how I come out, you'll still love me." " Honey," "I never loved you for your looks to begin with." "Not that there's a damn thing wrong with them." "But if this is what you want to do, then I'm behind you." "I've never mentioned I'm getting that done too." "Make room, boys!" " Ah, little Debbie, come home." " Yeah, just like a boomerang." "Or Lassie." "It's just like Norma Desmond making her comeback." "I believe it was "return"." "I was just passing by, so I thought I'd poke my head in and see how things are going." "Oh, things are going great!" "Yeah?" "I mean, it sure isn't the same without you... aah, what about you?" " Well, since I've stopped working," "Carl and I are getting plenty of exercise, if you get my drift." "Yeah, it drifts all the way to my room." "So I bought myself a new warmup suit." "Yeah, that'll warm him up alright." " Dear..." "God, it's like a glory hole for straights." "Okay, here you go boys... hey, Deb!" "When did you get here?" "I... ah... a couple of minutes ago, hi Loretta, I just stopped by to see..." "Hold that thought for one second." "Spinach salad, dressing on the side for the queer guy," "Chilli cheese, fries and a vanilla shake for the teddy bear." "thanks a lot." "Are you sure you should be eating that?" "Hey, what goes in today, gets sucked out tomorrow." "Oh, I'm sorry Deb, what were you saying?" "Yeah, I was just asking, you know, how things are going." "Hey Loretta, do you got any equal?" "Yeah." "Wonder woman." "I'm doing fucking great." "She's doing fucking great." "In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear it was you." "Yeah, me too." "So what can I get you?" "Pink plate special today is codfish balls." "What did they do with the rest of the codfish." "Um, I'll have a bowl of pea soup, and please don't tell me that Pete pissed in it." "Hey Lo, where's my tuna wrap?" "Any guy eating tuna here, is in the wrong joint." "I'll bring you chicken noodle." "She's a hoot, isn't she?" "Yeah..." "A hoot and a half." "So, how was rehearsal?" "Oh, it's called practice." " Right." "I kept my kick down." " And his head up." "And I beat my best time by two tenths of a second." "That's awesome dude, right on!" "I can't wait to come to the performance, I'll be there front row center." "It's a meet, and they're called bleachers." " Yeah." "Hey, up until now all I knew about swimming was from watching Esther Willams films with Ma." "Ever seen the one where she rises up out of the water with the sparklers coming out her head?" "Hey boys." "Hey, Brian." "Come on pal, let's go carb up." "You mind if I put this up?" "Hard heroes night?" "Every superhero fantasy you ever had... coming true." "Well in that case, I'm not sure it's appropriate for my younger clientele." "Well, if your younger clientele is drooling over those bulging biceps and bountiful baskets the way you did, they are going to grow up to be fags anyway." "So... what's the difference." "Yeah, okay." "I expect you to be there." "Don't think so." "Well, with work and fixing up the house, these days we get to bed pretty early." "Superheroes, Mikey!" "Superman on Superman action." "I'll make you a deal." "I'll come check out your new place if you come check out ours." "Just like when we showed each other our dicks." "Deal." "Ben and I are having our new neighbours over for dinner tomorrow, why don't you and Justin join us." "Fabulous." "I'll bring a bottle." "Red would be nice." "I meant poppers." "Interesting." "Not bad." "This one is intriguing." "I've always responded to the raw, unfinished quality of your work." "Is that a compliment, or are you letting me down easy?" "Well, if you're asking me if I'd consider you for the emerging artists show, the answer is yes." "Thanks Linds." "But I don't want to take advantage of our friendship." "I don't consider it taken advantage of, provided the work is good." "And that we're still friends." "Why wouldn't we be?" "Often, at times where couples break up, friends gravitate towards one person or the other." "So I wouldn't be surprised or hurt if you decided to gravitate towards Mel." "Well..." "Actually, I would." "I could never do that." "You have always been..." "Mel and Linds." "From the very beginning, when I first met Brian, you two were there for me." "A shoulder to cry on, a couch to sleep on..." "I could never take sides." "I love you both." "Well, there's one thing Mel and I still agree on." "That we feel the same way about you." "I'm just sorry you had to witness our performance." " Oh please." "Brian and I have had a couple of academy award winners ourselves." "So... is there any chance you and Mel might..." " Get back together?" "I was hoping at first we could." "That we'd make up and all would be forgiven." "But now..." "I guess you would call that, magical thinking." "Well, you never know." "Well," "I think we should definitely consider this one." "The exhuberance..." "The optimism." "You're getting a 8.5, a 10, and a 13-inch skillet, once you're getting away that press..." "I'm off to make sure the Schnagles are still alive for their 60th anniversary party." "And the studio, for queer guy." "Don't forget to watch." "I'm warming up the set." "Look at you!" "Lounging in the caftan in the middle of the afternoon." "Instead of walking off your tired feet at the diner." "It's the dream of a lifetime." "Yeah, I'm here." "I want the griddle." "And that last item, the olive... the olive pitter." "And I want the citrus slicer, and the nut chopper, and throw in the dutch oven and the cheese grater." "Wow, that holds a queue less than 15 seconds." "Must be a new record." "So what's wrong?" "Why should anything be wrong?" "Like you said, look at me." "I'm the happiest woman in the world." "I've got endless hours at my disposal," "I can eat all the fucking ice cream I want," "I can order to my heart's content on QVC." "I almost ordered a llama." "So why should anything be wrong?" "Except that... bitch stole my act!" "Which bitch?" "Which bitch do you think?" "!" "That..." "Pye person." "She was so innocent at first." "I don't know how to do anything, I don't have any experience." "Man..." "She hustled me." "She hustled me good." "And I fell for it!" "Now she's wearing my t-shirts, and my vest with my buttons!" "I should have her arrested for... identity theft." "You know," "I think you're just having withdrawl symptoms." "That's all." "Remember, you wanted to leave." "It was your decision." "And as for Loretta, she's just... carrying on your legacy." "Keeping the tradition alive." "For me, I consider it the highest form of flattery." "Or the lowest form of imitation!" " Don't be angry." "Be proud!" "Pass on the mantle." "With dignity." "Always dignity." "And don't order a llama." "I'm a virgin." "Dignity." "Always dignity." "It's amazing." "That I've been soaping your crack for the past ten minutes?" "And you haven't asked me to fuck you." "That you and I would be together, and Melanie and Lindsey would be apart." "Well who knows what wonders does fate have in store." "I mean, if they can't make it, who can." "Ding, ding, ding, ding!" "And the correct answer is, noone!" " Stop being cynical." "I'm not... being cynical." "I'm being..." " Realistic?" "Do you mind if I finish my own sentences?" "I despise when couples do that." "Did you hear that, rubber ducky?" "He said "couples"." "I should quit while I'm ahead." "Not before you give me some!" "Mon amour." " Mon amour..." "I love how other people's tragic marital play makes you romantic." "Hard." "Christ." "What a big boner!" "All the better..." " To fuck you with." "What did I just warn you..." " About finishing each other's sentences." "Marriage is a doomsday machine." "Destined to self-destruct." "Fortunately, however, for you and I, will be spared such a dismal fate." "Life is just a bowl of fairies?" "It's one of my favorites." "I want you to have it." "Well thanks." "I thought you might be a little pissed about my new look." "I love your new look." "I loved it on me!" "And I'm proud of you for doing such a great job at the diner." "Well..." "It's easy when you have such a great teacher." "You going somewhere?" "Ah.." "Yeah, you might say that..." "I'm..." "I'm leaving." " For the weekend?" "No, for good." "My goddamn sister told my goddamn husband Darryl where I am." "Now he's coming to get me." "So where are you going?" "I haven't had time to figure it out yet, but I know I can't be here when he shows up." "Now just hold on, you also can't just run away!" " I can and I am." "When the asshole shows up, just tell him to go fuck off!" "You do not tell Darryl Pye to fuck off." "No sir, no way." "And that's a fact." " Well here's another one." "Where ever you go, he's going to find you the next time, too." "So what do I do?" "I'll give you another t-shirt." "You can wear it when he arrives." "And what does that one say?" "It doesn't say anything." "It's got this on it." "Darryl will get the message." "If you want tulips this spring, you have to plant the bulbs now." "Same with hyacinths." " Ilay is the gardner in the family, I'm the chef." "Well, rose bushes on each side of the front walk would look fabulous." "I remember when I was a kid, planting pansies in the front yard with my mom." "And look what bloomed!" "Which one of you is the gardner, and which one is the chef?" "I really like cooking." "I and love planting my seed in some hole." "In the ground." "By the way, I brought you that petition." " Oh yeah, great, we'll be happy to sign." "Trying to get the city to put in speed bumps." "The way that some people come racing down the street, you'd think it was a drag strip." "I doubt Brian's very interested in speed bumps." "On the contrary." "Speed bumps are extremely important." "Especially before you go out dancing." "What exactly do you do, Brian?" " He's president and CEO of Kinnetic." "The top advertising agency in Pittsburgh." "I'm also president and CEO of Babylon, the top gay dance club in Pittsburgh." "Babylon?" "We haven't been there in years." "You two should come by... as my personal guests." " I hardly think Babylon suits our lifestyle." "Can I get anybody anything?" " Which lifestyle is that, Monty?" "I'm Monty." "Which lifestyle is that, Monty?" "Well, these days we prefer to spend quite time at home with our kids." "Rather than in a room full of drugged up Peter Pans." "You know, so many couples I speak to these days feel that way." "That's why I'm starting Monogamous Mondays." "Brian's a real kidder." "I hardly think the kind of promiscuous behavior that Babylon promotes is a laughing matter." "Oh come on, fellows." "Don't tell me that after... how many did you say, ten years together, you haven't had little extra-marital ass?" " Brian!" "Actually, we never have." "It's called being in a mature, loving relationship." "That's called being dead." " How about you help me with dessert?" "First... presents." "Now," "I hope you boys don't already have one." "You bought us a sling?" "You told me you were furnishing a playroom." "Not that kind of playroom." "Oh... still, I'm sure you'll get hours of enjoyment from it." "So, what's for dessert?" "In our home!" "In front of our friends!" "You got to let it go, Michael." " I know, later than now." "Right now I'd like to hold Brian's head underwater." "Way to go, Callie!" " Way to go honey!" "You can do it!" "Callie's parents are making fools of themselves." " Just ignore them, we're here for Hunter." "Next up, boys 50 meter freestyle." " Oh my God, that's us." " Yep, yep." "On your marks, get set..." "Go Hunter!" "Come on pal, come on!" "Go, go, go!" "Come on, Hunter, kick!" "Go, go, go!" "Yeah, yeah!" " We won!" " Yeah!" "Hunter won, go Hunter!" "Hunter, are you okay?" "Christ, I think he hurt himself!" " Shit." "Oh my God, you're bleeding..." "Coach, Hunter's hurt!" "Callie, don't!" " Don't touch him!" "Get out of the pool, honey!" " Oh my God..." "He's got AIDS!" "Get out of there!" " Everybody out!" "Now!" "Everybody out!" "Come on pal, let's go get that looked at." "That's a nice nose." "Now that's what I call a chin." "Ah!" "Teddy, if you don't get these cheeks, I will." "What do you think?" " I think I am going to puke." "I warned you, didn't I?" "Didn't I warn you not to gorge yourself?" " It's not that!" "Look at me." "I look like a cow chart in the butcher shop." "Just think, when they reveal the new you, you know, like the one with the hair lip and hump on the street makeover, you'll be weeping with joy." "Never had any surgery before." "Still have everything intact, you know." "My appendix, my tonsils." "Foreskin." " My wisdom teeth." "This will be my first time under the knife." "Pish... it's nothing." " You can sit there and "pish" all you want." "I'm the one that's about to suffer severe pain for the sake of a new me." "What if I don't like the new me?" "What's not to like?" "How about 30-inch waist, crow's feet that have flown the coup... cheek bones to die for." "I'm not getting cheek bones." "Should I have gotten cheek bones?" "Oh God." "Maybe Brian is right." "Maybe this obsession with youth and beauty is shallow, superficial, narcissistic..." "We are fags, for chrissake." "Being obsessed with youth and beauty is our God-given right." "Should I pull out?" "You're seriously asking me that question?" "Teddy, for as long as I have known you, you have never felt good, really good, about yourself." "So if a few incisions and little back sucking is what it takes for you to finally be able to look in the mirror and smile, then I say it's not shallow and superficial." "It's a blessing." "Thank you, Em." "Mr. Schmidt?" "Well, go on!" "Dr. demill is ready for your close-up." "Yeah, okay... diapers, powder, popo-bear, lotion." "Lotion." "Where's the lotion?" "It's enough for a nudist colony." " Yeah, there's a baby, be prepared." "Spoken like a true scout." "It was a joke." "All I have to do is express my milk." "When's Michael picking her up?" "Tomorrow." "Mel..." "He's better know what the fuck he's doing." " We'll find out." "You know, I was thinking, why doesn't Gus stay with you tomorrow night?" "Hot date?" "No, I just thought it'd be nice for you to have some company." "So I won't be lonely?" "Thanks, but as much as I would love to have him here, I don't need your pity." "It's not pity." " No, it's you being gracious." "Making a grand gesture." " I was only trying to think of you." "Maybe you should have done that in the first place." "Gus, honey!" "It's time to leave." "I hope it goes well tomorrow." "Despite what you think." "Two hours for a fucking band aid." "Good thing I wasn't decapitated, I'd be sitting in that goddamn emergency room holding my head all night." "We're home now." " Go upstairs and relax, you'll feel better." "Relax?" " You have a concussion." "The doctor told you..." " I'm fine!" "There's nothing wrong with me, except thanks to Callie's asshole father and cunt mother..." " Hey!" "Well she is!" "Now everyone at school thinks I have AIDS." " You don't have AIDS, you have HIV." "Don't tell me, tell them." "Except you don't have to." "Because I'm never going back." "You have nothing to be ashamed of." "Yeah, right!" " There's not." "Your coach said he's going to talk to everyone and explain that you can't get the virus from a few drops of blood in a chlorinated pool." "If you want to take the day off tomorrow, that's fine by us." "But... sooner or later you're going to have to go back." "Yeah, and when you do, you can tell them you are the 50-meter freestyle champion." "They're supposed to be flying magnificantly through the air." "Superheroes, not two crash test dummies in a Hyundai factory." "Try it again!" " It looks pretty good." " Pretty good is not good enough!" "When Michael sees it, I want him to lose his mind." "And his breath, and his bladder control." "And then what?" "Come running back to Babylon where he belongs?" "It ain't going to happen, he's happy where he is." "Gay men cannot live on tulip beds and speed bumps alone." "Sooner or later the Serengeti will call, and he'll pace restlessly in his cage, howling at the moon... and he'll break free from suburbia and return to the jungle, where he blongs." "Okay!" "Spaz-man and klutz-boy, get it right!" "I need another mac and cheese and a turkey meatloaf." "Excuse me maam, aren't you going to take my order?" "Hey, I didn't order this!" "Try." "You'll like it." "Now honey, before you say anything, I just want to say how truely and deeply sorry I am... for our little spat." "How's your jaw?" "Well, I could chew the salisbury steak in this place, so I guess it's okay." "Look, I know I lost my temper." "I promise I won't do that again." "That's what you always say." "Come on... it's time for you to come home." "Darryl, I..." " You don't have to apologize." "I forgive you." "You forgive me?" "Forget all about what happened." "Let's get your coat." "I don't want to forget it." "I'm not going back home." "I'm staying here." "What, slinging hash?" "In some fag diner?" "Is that way you're going to take care of yourself?" "To be independent?" "Now that would be funny, if it weren't so damn pitiful!" "I'm not pitiful." "What do you think you're proving here, Loretta?" "That you're going to live without a man?" "That you're a lezzie?" "I am, Darryl." "I am a lesbian and I'm not ashamed." "Well, you ought to be." "Your problem is just you haven't been getting enough recently." "I'm going to take care of that." " No, you're not." "Now what did you say to me?" " I told you." "I'm telling you, my truck is parked outside, now let's go!" "What tha..." "Exactly what part of "fuck off" don't you understand?" "Who the hell are you?" "I'm the one with the baseball bat." "It's between me and my wife." "And she's trying to tell you something." "Only you're not getting it through your head, so maybe my friend here can help." "Let's go, come on." " No!" "I said no!" "You are not a nice person, Darryl." "You don't treat me with the respect I deserve." "And I don't love you anymore." "I hope you heard it this time." "Now you'd better leave before me and my fag friends beat the living shit out of you." "How's your head?" "I'll live." "Look, I'm sorry for what happened." "What are you sorry for?" "I'm the one who was stupid enough to believe no one would ever find out." "Hey Callie!" "What are you wasting your time for?" "He's a fag!" "I hear the way he got AIDS is when old geezers fuck him up the ass." "For cash." "You told!" "No, I swear I didn't!" " Hey, faggot!" "Here's 5 bucks, why don't you suck my cock?" "I charge way more than that for assholes like you." "Lucas, stop it!" " You want to get AIDS?" "Then go on, hit me, get my blood all over you!" "Come on, come on." "Faggot!" "Are you okay?" "I'm sorry, but I can't promise you Schmidt." "He's the hottest guy in town, even I want to fuck him." "Ted..." "Teddy?" "I'm sowwy Bwian, you can't haf me." "Teddy..." "Ted?" "Teddy..." "It's me." "Em." "Aah." "I must've been dreaming." "I'll say!" "How do you feel?" " Like I was hit by a bus and left for dead, and then stepped on by an elephant." "How do I look?" "A tad... puffy." "But the doctor said, give it a few days and you'll be gorgeous." "Ah-ah." "Right." "Thank you for seeing me through this, Em." "Please." "When I pull my Joan Rivers, you'll be right there with me." "Now you lie there and rest, okay?" "And remember!" "No peeking." "No peeking." "Fuck no peeking." "The way I feel, I'm allowed to peek." "Ah!" "Did you see his face?" "Pissed as hell." "Which is exactly what I'm going to be if I have another one of these." "Me too." "Another shooter!" "I'm so proud of you!" "Tell that former asshole of yours to fuck off." "Well, I never could've done it without you and your big bat." "Bigger than his, I'll bet." "You better believe it." "You don't have to be afraid of him anymore." "I don't know how I could ever repay you, Deb." "First you give me a new life, and... and then you save it." "Honey, you don't owe me a damn thing." "But there is something that you owe yourself." "Happiness." "You've been through a lot of shit, and you deserve it." "Someone to share it with." "Someone who'll treat you." "I think I'd better go home before the sun comes up." "Me too, I have the early shift at the diner." "Well, when you open up the place, think of me in bed." "I will." "Love you." "You too." "Bye." " Bye." "Here's the breast milk, sterilized bottles, diapers, bottle warmer, her blanket." "We have blankets." " She slept with this one every night since was born." "It's an antique Lindsey bought for her." "We'll see she sleeps with it." "Oh, and..." "Here are the feeding instructions." "It's pretty much every three hours, or... when she's hungry." "She'll let you know." "Oh, and make sure the milk is warm but not too hot." "So if anything happens, or if there are any questions..." "Yeah, we'll call." "Goodbye, precious." "Bye..." "He might still come." "Fuck him." "More caped crusaders for us."