"I'll get it!" "No, no, never mind." "I'll get it." "I think it's for me." "Maybe it's for me." "Yeah, well i'll let you know." "Hello?" "Good morning." "It's 11 o'clock." "Assassinated!" "Well give me the details!" "Are all newspaper men lunatics?" "Near saint gregory's?" "Hey, get into your dutch." "Prince... prince dittleboomer, whatever his name is... that guy who's gonna marry sally parker has just been assassinated." "Uh huh." "In front of the cathedral." "Shot through the heart with an old copy of the new york chronicle." "It's 11:00. you see, michael, my sweetheart, i left the call." "Barney, you say things at times in a way that hurts." "Now we've covered assignments together for our dear little papers all over the world." "Share and share alike." "Yeah." "Two for you and one for me." "Now those are the things that cut deeply." "Then i'll try to think of some more of them." "Go on." "Get to the tag." "We've both got to cover two tame assignments, haven't we?" "Yep." "A spandermann stratosphere flight and the wedding of sally parker to that phony prince." "And for some bright reason, you want to cover the spandermann hop." "Well, you don't like the baron, sweetheart, he's a publicity pest." "So why do you want the assignment?" "Well, i used to fly a bit." "I'm interested in aviation." "And you think maybe a real piece of news might break there, huh?" "I give you my word." "If anything breaks, i'll pass it on to you before i cable it in." "You could have been sitting in the theatre the night lincoln was shot and you wouldn't have covered me." "I'd have told you, i swear." "Oh, yeah." "You'd have told me lincoln shot booth." "Call it." "Heads." "Tails." "You get parker." "Parker... hey, mike." "Take it off." "We want to see the rabbits." "You can't take a rib, huh?" "Follow that cab!" "Is everything over, sir?" "Over?" "It's just started!" "That's the parker girl, wasn't it?" "The wedding isn't over, is it?" "She looked to me like she'd been crying." "I thought she was laughing." "Eighth floor, please." "Hold it a minute for the baron." "Hello." "How do you do?" "I thought you were covering little sal's meeting festivities." "I am." "What are you doing here?" "Well i finished my story, mr." "Pells." "Only the unimaginative type of newspaper man like yourself would sit through the ordeal." "I'm off for a little recreation." "Oh, you're dealing with a superior mentality, poppo." "Where did you steal those flowers?" "A slight case of romance, mr." "Pells, something that'll never come into your life." "Now listen, mike, whenever you get polite this way you're sitting on something hot." "Now be a pal, will you?" "You doubt me, mr." "Pells?" "No, i don't doubt you." "I just think you're lying." "Mein apartment!" "Baron!" "I'd like to have you meet mike anthony." "Just another reporter on your trail like me." "Ah, a reporter!" "Yeah!" "Wants a special interview with the new york chronicle." "Their best man." "They took him off the parker wedding to cover you." "Delighted... flowers for the baroness and everything." "That's the chronicle, for you." "Baron, this isn't exactly... america is waiting for my flight through the stratosphere, ja?" "Look, baron, mr." "Pells here... yes, the latest photograph of the baroness and myself." "The official takeoff is this afternoon." "I have more here." "Yes, that's very nice, baron, but... pells:" "Well, you wouldn't want to go, would you?" "Where are your manners?" "You'll excuse my wife, please." "She's having her usual salt rub." "Excellent before i'm flying." "Pells:" "What a story- conditioning." "Mind and body must be fit." "Noble pair battles elements." "Saxons conquer the ether." "Ah, exactly." "You see, the fleeing abarelle, an invention of my own, you have photographers downstairs, of course." "Yes, yes." "We should leave the hotel dressed for the flight." "The management has kindly cooperated in the publicity." "Well, look, baron, if you'll cooperate for just one minute... you see the oxygen helmets are not like any others." "They present a radical departure... yes, well i'm about to present a radical departure myself." "Hey, was ist?" "Look, hey look, baron, mr." "Pells there, he's just being funny." "I'm not a reporter, and i just happened to remember that i left the water running in the bathtub." "Thanks a lot, baron." "I'll see you later." "No, no, no." "Where are you going, mr." "Pells?" "Well, as a matter of fact, baron, i just remembered that... whoa, mr." "Pells, don't go, don't go." "I have yet to explain my whole purpose in this plan." "Where we go, and how we go, and why we go." "What's a matter, sally parker?" "Take them away!" "Do you hear me?" "Take them right back to igor and throw them in his contemptible little face, and you can tell him and his queasy old uncle if they want anybody to sign a marriage settlement, they can get another girl." "But, miss parker... he wanted me for myself, did he?" "Only i had to buy him in the bargain." "Well i'd buy his whole russian swamp if i was sure he didn't go with it." "That's what i'd do." "You can tell him that!" "And you can tell his uncles and his aunts and his sisters and his cousins and... who are you?" "Who, me?" "Oh, i... i just want to help you." "How much will that cost me?" "Or do you happen to be a reporter?" "A reporter?" "Well whatever gave you that idea?" "Then you must be from that blini i nearly married." "You go back and tell him that i'll... i must admit it sally parker, i... well i'm just somebody that's known you and thought of you ever since, well ever since i saw your picture" "in the rotogravure section as a debutante." "That was a long time ago." "Well, it wasn't that long ago." "Well i mean that it seems that way to me, not really meeting you." "Well, today i went to saint gregory's to look at you for the last time, that's all." "Sort of a silent good-bye." "Do you expect me to believe that?" "No, i mean... uh, well i know it sounds a little... well a little elsie dinsmore, but it's true." "Oh, oh, it's nice to know that... it's nice to know that someone else besides my board of directors and 9 million reporters really cares about what happens to me." "But all my governesses and guardians never stopped me from fighting my own battles, and i'll take care of this one, too." "If that's that dear, charming attendee of royal bread pudding, i'll tell him a thing or two." "No, no, no." "Wait a minute." "That might be reporters." "Reporters?" "Buzzards." "All right, let them come up." "I'll give them some real headlines for once:" "How sally parker found romance." "So much down, so much for every kiss." "Oh, oh i'm sorry." "I thought you'd be pretty tired of all this cheap notoriety." "I'm sick to my stomach of reporters." "I've been blinded by their flashlights ever since i can remember." "They put my impacted wisdom tooth on the front page." "This oughta make newspaper history!" "Oh, you poor kid, you're all tied up in... knots." "You oughta get away by yourself for awhile and think things over." "That's what igor said." "Dear, sweet, romantic igor." "He was to be my... my escape, and he turned out to be... oh, i feel so cheap and ashamed of myself." "So it's igor, is it?" "You'd like to hear some more, would you?" "Miss parker, wait." "He may not be alone." "Sally, my baby love." "My baby love... don't you baby love me, and don't you touch me." "She means it, your excellency." "But my darling, what did i say?" "What did i do?" "You scurrilous little scavenger." "But my sweet one, my... i'm not at advantage." "Have i met this gentleman?" "Don't be silly." "Where would you ever meet a gentleman?" "My little treasure, i mean my baby love, you're the sweetest thing." "We do know each other." "No, no, no." "Never had the pleasure, i'm sure." "I'm positive your face is... i warn you if you continue to foul the air i breathe-out... but my darling, for why are you angry?" "My uncle only asked you to sign a little paper to insure our happiness." "I don't want any insurance." "I'm cancelling my order and they can put you back in macy's window." "Yes, $5 million is hardly a bargain, your excellency." "It was not $5 million, only 3." "Oh, what?" "How much?" "$3 million only and my darling becomes the princess." "We met in berlin, yes?" "No, no, i'm sorry old man." "But i don't want it." "Well, but she... my darling, come back to the cathedral, then to my people, to my country." "Your country?" "Your people?" "A lot of second-hand sturgeon looking for a river to lay an egg in." "Oh, no, no, now really, miss parker, chelyabinsk's a charming little state." "Well, they're financially unsound, i must admit, but a member of the league of nations... aha, now i know him." "In geneva, it was." "But darling, do you realize who this man is?" "He is... why did you do that?" "He's said just about enough to you." "You... you didn't kill him, did you?" "I don't think so." "Woman:" "The is jeannine, mademoiselle." "Jeannine!" "Your maid." "Well, here they come." "What next?" "I don't know." "Everything's worse than ever now." "There will be police." "I hit him pretty hard." "Oh, i've got to get away now." "I'm all weak inside." "You said you would help me." "Will you?" "Look, would you like to get away from this?" "Away from everything and people, where nobody can reach you?" "Oh, yes, yes." "How?" "Where you'll have peace and quiet?" "No cousins, no aunts, no uncles, no.." "No princes, no... no reporters until all of this blows over?" "Oh, i've wanted that all my life." "Will you trust me, sally parker?" "Can i?" "Where's the back way?" "Here." "Come on." "Oh." "We'll meet them downstairs." "Maybe they won't recognize us." "Here, here." "Sit tight." "If anybody comes, make a noise like a broom." "All right." "Plates under the arms, plates under the small of the back, and plates under the stomach." "You back now?" "Yes." "How is your bath tub?" "Oh, fine, baron, fine." "How's yours?" "How come?" "What foul, cheap, underhanded... why, mr." "Pells, what do you mean foul, cheap, underhanded?" "You didn't think i was going to miss out on your story, did you, baron?" "Say, this is an ingenious outfit." "You see it is electrical airline with plates." "Plates under the arms, plates under the small of the back, yes, yes, it's excellent tailoring." "Bond street?" "Say, by the way, is your wife still pickled?" "Was pickled?" "I mean, is she still in the salt rub?" "Ja, ja." "She's in her apartment, sir." "Oh, yes." "Yes, that's fine." "Say, hold this a minute, will you?" "Hold?" "I do hope igor can get sally to change her mind." "Well you know how persuasive igor can be." "Man:" "Here they come now!" "All:" "They they are." "Happy landing." "Good luck, baron." "Airport, baron?" "Sure, sure, hurry, hurry!" "We are late!" "Airport." "All:" "Bye!" "Bye, baron." "Pells:" "Hey, let me out of here you, mike anthony!" "Let me out of here!" "You big double-crossing hun, come back here!" "Come back here!" "I'll get you, you son of a gun!" "Hey, come back here, anthony!" "Come back here, you... baron:" "Pells, let me out of here." "You get yourself out." "I'm no laundry man." "Get me out of here!" "I beg your pardon." "Baron:" "Help!" "Help!" "Mach schnell!" "Hurry, hurry please." "We are late for the take off." "Chauffeur:" "I'm giving her all she can take, baron." "What are you writing?" "A cable to my mother." "It's her birthday tomorrow." "Oh, that's sweet." "She'll be glad to hear from you." "Oh, she'll be tickled pink." "When you leave us, send this cable at once, collect." "Right-o, baron." "Back, please, get back." "Flowers, for the baroness." "Right-o." "Oh, baroness, baroness!" "Happy landing." "Michael:" "I wonder what all those gadgets are for?" "Let go!" "Hey!" "Stop!" "Follow that plane!" "Yes, sir." "Are you crazy?" "Yes!" "I'll get you, mike anthony!" "Mein instruments, mein equipment are ruined." "A life's work all over again." "Well, we run along." "As soon as i locate the plane, i'll get in touch with you as a matter of routine." "Good day, baron." "Thank you." "Good day, baron." "Then you, men." "Thank you." "Well, that went over pretty well, i think." "At least it's something you didn't bungle." "Steven, i swear, it all happened so... shut up." "That plane must be found." "I know, i know." "Telephone colleen humbert." "Get fouche in paris." "One of them must locate the plane, you hear?" "I'll go down to the field and stand by." "You call me the first news and i take off at once." "If anyone gets to that plane you're through!" "Do you understand?" "It must be found." "Right." "I hope you didn't kill him." "Who?" "Kill what?" "Igor." "Oh, that's all right." "All snakes live till sundown." "Stop worrying." "Look around for some peace and quiet to land in." "How fast are we going?" "Well, we're either up 2,100 feet and going 175 miles an hour, or we're up 175 feet and going 2,100 miles an hour." "Whimsical little airplane, isn't it." "You know, there is something queer about this ship." "Well i don't mean to be critical, but it was probably all right before that take off." "No, no." "I mean there are no oxygen tanks for these comic helmets to connect with." "You know, i'm beginning to think the baron and baroness are phonies." "I wonder where we are?" "Get out those maps there, will you?" "Oh... what color is it down there?" "It's sort of a pinkish brown." "Pinkish brown?" "We're over persia." "Let me see if i can find france." "If i remember right, it's a kind of a green." "I wonder who admired the baroness so much?" "Amorous-looking little gentlemen." "Ah, a note!" "He must woo her with geography or something because... say, what on earth is this?" "Let's see." "What?" "Number x-2593, foreign office confiden- wait a minute." "If this nightmare gets any worse... what's wrong?" "Plenty." "Say, this is an admiralty chart." "Coast defense stations, range of firing, the whole works." "Phonies?" "The baron and baroness are spies." "You mean this flight and everything is... is just a hop to smuggle this out of england." "Say, we're small prize, sally." "Do you realize what a story this will make?" "What do you mean, story?" "Uh... i mean, well, i mean what a story it will make to tell our grandchildren." "We're tied up in intrigue." "But i don't want to be tied up in anything." "We're international." "I don't want to be international." "I just want things to stop happening to me." "Well, don't worry." "I'll handle this when the time comes." "And nothing more is going to happen to you." "Except that..." "except that... except what?" "Except that we're out of gas, and we're almost down!" "So you better hold tight." "Here we go!" "Don't hold on to that!" "We have landed!" "Are you hurt?" "No, chock full of peace and quiet." "Where are we?" "Madame, this is france." "Stop annoying the livestock." "Don't be vulgar, mr." "Anthony." "It happens to be this woolen undershirt, that's all." "Trains run to paris, you know." "Trains, remember?" "Choo, choo, choo!" "I don't know why i keep explaining things to you, but railroad stations have a habit of being watched." "Besides, you wanted the simple life." "Peace and quiet." "Well here it is." "You're a fine one." "You profess admiration for me, you tell me you want to help." "I put myself in your hands and now look what." "Well, what?" "You wanted my help and you got it." "Say, you don't think i enjoy playing cops and robbers all over europe with a... just exactly who do you think you're talking to?" "I'm talking to a fairly attractive dame who's got too much dough for her own good." "Just between you and me, i'm beginning to think that prince is a pretty lucky boy." "You've said just about enough, mr." "Anthony." "Too much!" "I don't need your help and advice or anyone else's." "As far as i'm concerned, you can take a running front dive off this wagon." "And it's all right with me if i never see you again." "Oh yeah?" "Oh, where are you going?" "I can take a hint." "I'll be seeing you." "Paris in spring." "But... but you can't leave me here with all these cabbages." "Well this constant nagging will have to stop." "All right." "It has stopped." "And no more beefing." "Not a beef." "Ok." "In mike you trust." "In mike i trust." "You know, it's odd your following me all that time." "You're reasonably presentable and clean." "It's a wonder you didn't get yourself introduced." "You don't know the right people." "Then it must be destiny." "Destiny?" "Mm-hmm." "It's a story." "A great story." "Man:" "Boy, he's sure steamed up about something." "Second man:" "I'll say he is." "And everybody's gonna hear about it." "Rose, it'll stand another column on the woman's angle." "Put yourself in sally's place." "Jake, tell wesson to wire anthony $2,000." "Union agency, paris." "Right." "What a man, anthony." "He's making newspaper history." "If the circulation department don't erect him a statue, i'll dip myself in bronze." "Hurry up with that new lead, wally." "Right." "Sit here and don't say a word." "You're from the country and dumb, see?" "How's this?" "I hope you're kidding." "Say, where are you going?" "It's all right." "Well, for the love of pete." "I'm sorry, but you'll first have to see the man at the... mike!" "I wondered when you'd turn up." "Hi, jim." "What the devil are you doing... any money from home?" "Sure, but what...?" "All right, lead me to it, and give me your fastest stenographer." "I've got to send a cable home." "Got a match, pal?" "No." "No." "Pretty big boy." "In town to see the girls, huh?" "No." "Tell mike barney says judgement day is here." "Oh... hey, mike, a man just came in and told me... we can get out of here in a minute." "I got to get this cable off to mother." "I know, but... how much?" "48 francs." "Hey, look at the window." "What?" "Look at the window." "Is that the man?" "No, but barney says judgement day is here." "Huh?" "What?" "Back way, where?" "Quick!" "Through there." "Good-bye." "Very clever, mr." "Anthony." "Very astute." "It took the mind of a child to follow your tracks." "Well, well, barney, old pal." "You're a gift from the gods." "Mind over matter, my friend." "Yours the muscle, mine the brain." "Listen, miss parker... hey, you run along, sally." "We'll catch up with you." "Listen, he's the man... you bet i am!" "Yeah, yeah, sure, sure." "He's our pal." "He's gonna help us." "Go on, sally." "Now, listen, barney, don't be insane." "This story's big enough for both of us." "What was i doing in that dark closet, hunting mice?" "Oh, don't be catty." "Now listen, barney, she doesn't know who i am." "She hates newspapers and boys like us." "If you crack now, we're both sunk." "Come on." "I'm sticking like summer underwear." "Sally:" "Hey, michael!" "Michael!" "Here they come!" "Michael:" "Come on!" "Hop in!" "All right, captain flag, baby's with you." "We can wait until the police locate that stolen delivery truck." "And that's the way a couple of princeton men stick together, hey barney, old pal?" "Old pal?" "Sure, you don't have to worry about this egg." "Why, we were inseparable at princeton." "They used to call him my shadow." "Huh." "He still is." "Sure, one for all and all for one." "And every man for himself now and then." "You'll excuse me, gentlemen, this is too good a chance to be loose." "All for one and one for all, huh?" "You ever hear of the odious career of benedict arnold?" "Yes, yes." "But later document proved benny to have been a very much misunderstood man." "History says different." "No, i'm on the level now." "Honest, barney." "I believe you, anthony, you hope." "Cops!" "Hold tight, sally." "Hey!" "* she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes * * she'll be comin' round the mountain * * she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes * * she'll be comin'... *" "now what?" "We're out of gas." "Don't tell me they still use that one at princeton." "Is this on the level?" "I never heard two such suspicious people in my life!" "We gotta get out and walk." "Where?" "To the end of the rainbow." "Who cares?" "Come on, the open road, barnabas." "The broad highway, madam." "Come aramis, come pothos!" "With a cow field for a couch and clouds for a coverlet." "Wresting the world with a song on our lips and blade in our hands." "One for all and all for one." "Sally, do you mind if i speak with romeo a minute?" "Why?" "Men, talk, you know." "Go pick yourself a daisy." "Oh... what's on your stagnant mind?" "Shhh... i discovered this while she was dressing." "What?" "Look." "What?" "Look." "Where?" "Hey, you!" "You dirty, double - crossing snake, you!" "One for all, huh?" "!" "Good by, dear." "I'll write you in a day or two." "Pells:" "Hey, if you let me out of here... good-bye, dear." "Pells:" "Hey, sally!" "Hey, miss parker, let me tell you something!" "Sally!" "Hey!" "Parker, this guy's a reporter!" "Oh, now wait a minute, pells." "That's too much." "Enough is enough." "You can't hear him now." "I thought he was your friend." "Well, he used to be, but today he'd sell his sister for a turkish dime." "Turned out to be a newspaper man, sally." "A reporter?" "Yeah, foreign correspondent." "New york gazette, or something like that, and he's on your trail." "I thought i'd string him along back there until we got out of that jam." "You know, i feel sorry for him." "Well, don't." "You can't trust a thing he says." "Well the next time he meets you, he'll tell you stories about me." "He'll even have me a reporter before he's through." "No, i mean i feel sorry for anyone who has to earn his living that way." "No self respecting man could accept money for prying into people's private lives." "No, no, and they don't earn very much at that." "Is that anthony a newspaper man?" "I got it!" "I got a topper for the whole thing!" "Who will be sally's ideal man?" "Royal prince or a lonely reporter?" "Will old world sophistication win out over new world virility?" "We run a contest!" "Prizes for best letters!" "Get it, wally!" "Snap out with a lead right away." "We'll float an extra on this." "Dave, get wally's story on the paris cable." "I want this to break all over europe!" "Oh, excuse me." "Lift me up." "I'm too tired, but i'll lie down beside you." "Old wine, old friends, old jokes." "It's too fantastic!" "Believe it or not, but i think i see a beautiful gasoline station with a lot of rooms in it." "I'll bet there are beds in those rooms." "Don't tell me you see what i see?" "We can't both be crazy!" "That's what you think." "Hmm." "Looks like we're gonna spend the night with some pretty important ghosts." "All the louis, madame de maintenon, richelieu.." "I'd rather enjoy meeting richelieu." "I want to see if he really looks like george arliss." "Ah." "A bottle of milk for marie antoinette's bath." "If that was left for her, it's sour by now." "No luck, michael." "What caretaker would open windows?" "No sleep for sally tonight." "Lose not heart, fair lady." "This may mean the guillotine, but here goes." "What was that?" "Shhh." "Bismarck, quiet." "Down." "Stop growling." "Come along." "We better go see." "Nice bismarck." "Sit up." "Beg." "Beg." "We better take a gun." "It's empty." "Come, bismarck, come." "Come." "Come on." "Good boy." "Give me a hand." "It's awfully creepy in here." "Mike!" "What's the matter?" "Right there!" "What?" "That man!" "That's not a man, that's a statue." "You're just saying that." "Yes, i am just saying that." "You know, we're really in terrible danger." "You're right." "That is just a statue, mike." "Madame de maintenon's apartment." "Hey, we can't resist this, sally." "De maintenon." "Louis xiv's favorite lady." "He did right for the gal." "He married her." "A peasant girl born in a prison, and she lived to be surrounded by all this." "A queen." "I hear she was surrounded by the king the most of the time." "Oh... her bedroom." "Think of it." "She ruled the destiny of france, of a whole nation, from this very room." "You're wrong there." "Louis ruled france, and she ruled louis." "I'll bet she really loved him." "The atmosphere of the room does kind of... well, kind of get into you, doesn't it?" "They say that walls have ears." "If they could only speak." "They are speaking." "I can tell you exactly what louis is saying." "He's a man of few words but with a very definite objective." "Steady, mr." "Anthony?" "No, no, no." "Listen to him." "He's st... st..." "stuttering a little." "Her beauty makes him n... n... nervous." "I know." "And listen to her." "She's bidding him good night because she's very sleepy." "Hear her yawn?" "Was that a yawn?" "Oh, i thought it was just a nice deep sigh." "I don't know know where you're going to rest your tousled little head, mr." "Anthony, but i'm going to sleep right here." "Well, shall i make up the upper, madame?" "I wonder what louis would do in a case like this?" "Come on." "Good night, mr." "Anthony." "This place must be alive with beds." "Louis?" "What do you advise?" "Oh, you won't be very far away, will you?" "You'll be all right." "If anybody disturbs you it'll be louis himself." "Good night, mike." "Good night, sally." "Who is it?" "Louis." "L..." "louis who?" "Pick a number from one to 10." "Louis xiv." "Madame was trucking?" "His majesty is several centuries ahead of himself." "I was minueting." "May i have the next one?" "After all, i am your queen." "Your majesty, madame." "Down, bismarck, down." "These people live here." "They're friends of mine." "Who are you?" "Guess." "Little bo peep." "No, but you're warm." "We give up." "Who?" "The caretaker of your palace, your majesty." "I have been for 46 years." "Bismarck and i have spent every night here and enjoy every minute of it." "And all the fun we have had with you and all the others ghosts." "All the other ghosts?" "Then you think we are ghosts, too?" "Oh, oui, oui, oui." "I know you are." "The ghost of king louis xiv and madame de maintenon." "Your majesty, madame, may i present bismarck?" "Who is bismarck?" "And where is he?" "He's my dog." "He's right here at my feet." "Bismarck, roll over, like a good dog." "Isn't he clever?" "I've never seen anything like it." "Mike, let's get out of here." "If you will pardon my saying so, your majesty, you have gone very rusty in your minuet." "Your form, after all these years, is a way off." "Let me illustrate." "May i have your hand, madame?" "Couldn't we just sit this one out?" "No, no, no." "Go right ahead." "His majesty commands." "Come on, swing it, daddy." "Swing it!" "The king can do no wrong." "Don't be afraid, madame." "It is not loaded." "No, no, no." "Not at your head!" "This gun is crazy!" "The gun's crazy?" "You're all right." "Oul." "There, you see?" "Don't worry, madame." "I'll tell them you shot in self defense." "Mike, if you don't get that man out of here, you're going to have an awful hysterical woman on your hands." "I'll try." "It's getting kind of late, isn't it?" "Oh, what time is it, your majesty?" "5 minutes of 12:00." "Oh." "We must hurry." "You see, at 12:00 i turn into a pumpkin." "Happy halloween." "Merci, madame." "Your majesty, have bismarck and i your permission to withdraw?" "Well, yes, yes, if you insist." "Come, bismarck." "Anthony:" "Oh, by the way, if bismarck there ever has puppies, i wish you'd send me one." "Shall be honor." "Good night, your majesties." "May you find great joy in your return to fontainebleau." "Come, bismarck." "Mike, i need some air." "I hope there's enough for both of us." "12:00, he's a pumpkin by now." "Funny little man." "A happy little man in a world all his own." "And i'm here, too." "London, marriage settlements, unpleasant people... they all seem very far away right now." "Far away?" "Yeah, that reminds me." "Good night." "Mike!" "Where are you going?" "Why, i've got to find some place to rest this tousled head of mine, remember?" "Oh, but you can't leave me like this, you can't go" "hello." "Oh, i always knew someday about somebody like you." "You know, i've known people i've liked and some i've disliked." "I've hated a few and thought i loved a couple, but, i've never known anyone i could trust up till now." "Look sally, a fella has to make a living, understand?" "Such a nice living." "Two can live happier than one." "Well, it isn't that exactly, but, well, i've had a job all my life." "I knew you did something." "What?" "Well, i'm a- i'm a writer." "How wonderful, darling." "What do you write about?" "Oh, i write about people, you know, things." "What sort of things?" "Have i read them?" "I want to learn everything you've ever written by heart." "Well, sally, i might as well admit it." "What?" "That i'm about to crucify myself." "But you suddenly turned out to be the only girl this side of the moon." "Oh, let's skip anything else." "Everything else." "Louis?" "The 13th, 14th, or 15th?" "Barney the first." "How did you get here?" "I came in through the plumbing." "Well, then you can get out the same way." "I know all about you." "You do, huh?" "Yes." "Well, listen, where is that double-headed cobra?" "Where's that python?" "If you're speaking of snakes, mr." "Barney whatever-your-name-is, let me tell you this- try to seal me in a boxcar, will he?" "Lifts my clothes, will he?" "Well, let me tell you about that." "Oh, you don't look any sillier than usual." "And get off my bed!" "You don't know about that chimpanzee, do you?" "You don't know he's a newspaper man, do you?" "Well, how'd you like to look at the paris edition of the new york chronicle and see that dirty snake." "Running true to form, aren't you?" "Well, you'd better run away and hide, little man." "It's open season on rodents around here." "Now listen, parker, i can get tough, too, and i haven't had my breakfast yet." "But i'm gonna put you wise." "The panels are of solid gold leaf." "Fashioned in the post-renaissance era by" "who's that?" "The madame herself?" "What occurs here?" "What you do here?" "They should listen to me- sally, come on, come on, we gotta get out of here!" "But mike, this horrendous hoodlum won't leave me!" "Ah, let her wallow in some more smooch, eh?" "Hello, barney old pal, how are you?" "It is forbidden to sleep here!" "Now, don't worry, barney, we'll get you out of here!" "Where are my pants?" "Who are all these people?" "Oh, you're a bunch of pigeons!" "Where are my clothes, mr." "Underwear snatcher?" "Hey, look!" "The law!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "It's the fastest way to the street!" "Follow, monsieur!" "My clothes!" "Hey!" "Come back here!" "Hey!" "Ahhh!" "A ghost in daylight!" "Hey!" "It's all right, you can come out now." "If i didn't love you quite so much, darling, i'd make believe you weren't with me." "You look like a very sweet, half-witted hillbilly." "I'm a hungry hillbilly." "There's a restaurant." "Right after breakfast, i'm going to buy the palace of fontainebleau just for us." "Ghosts and all." "Oh!" "Bismarck!" "Come on, come on." "Come on, get in here and behave yourself." "Shhh." "Don't look now, you know who just passed by?" "Who?" "King louis the 14th and madame de maintenon." "I asked you not to take that last drink." "We'll have two of everything." "Yes, and one copy of the paris edition of the new york chronicle." "What's the matter, darling?" "Well, do i look as if there were anything the matter?" "It's all over you." "All over me is right." "Well, we who are about to die, salute you." "Oh no." "Oh yes." "I tried to tell you last night." "You unbelievable, you incredibly unthinkable, you sheer, unadulterated worm!" "Go ahead, i deserve it, all the adjectives." "Sally confides dreams to anthony." "Why you're something that flies out of a jar when they take the lid off." "Sally, i don't know anything about that contest, and i'll make them kill it." "So this is your dear, sweet mother, is it?" "How do you do, mrs." "Anthony?" "Isn't that cute?" "Little michael tearing wings off grasshoppers." "The only girl this side of the moon, and i believed you." "I tried to tell you last night, but i couldn't." "You don't know what last night meant to me." "How can i tell what last night meant to you until i see the next issue of the chronicle?" "Not more than 500 words, and be sure and write on only one side of the paper." "Mr. Anthony'll write on the back." "He writes on the backs of barns." "Well, what are you waiting for?" "There must be a cable office around here somewhere?" "Aren't you afraid you'll miss the next edition?" "Taxi fare to paris." "And, well i, i'm sorry." "No, he'll come back." "You mind if i sit down, ms." "Parker?" "Why not?" "It doesn't make any difference, all kinds of people have sat here." "Mike just stepped out a second, i guess, to find a cable, huh?" "He can step out of a balloon, as far as i'm concerned." "So, you finally read your report card, huh?" "Pretty brutal stuff, if you ask me." "Hey, wait a minute, you're a reporter, aren't you, barney?" "Me?" "Now listen, ms." "Parker, if that anthony guy's been handing you a lot of silly stuff about me- look." "It goes pretty hard with one reporter if he loses his story to another reporter, doesn't he?" "Well, yeah, i guess so- all right, then if you're not a reporter, go find me one, because he's gonna have me for his own personal scoop." "Ms. Parker, i'm no mere reporter, i'm the best correspondent in europe!" "You write good stories?" "The best." "All the news that's fit to print." "I don't want that kind." "You can print anything about me." "What i eat for breakfast, how i take a bath, anything that'll make mr." "Michael anthony squirm." "Things about him, things about me, do you understand?" "Parker, baby, you call the shots, and i'll pull the trigger." "Come on, reporter, i've got work to do, woman's work." "Waiter:" "Oh, madame, the bacon, the coffee, the- i don't want it, will you pay for it, please?" "Sure." "Thank you." "Voila." "Merci, monsieur." "More backgammon?" "No, thank you." "Casino?" "Checkers?" "No casino, no checkers, thank you." "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Machiavelli." "Machiavelli who?" "Machiavelli good suit for $10." "Heh, heh, heh." "You get it?" "Yes, i get it, barney." "You got a very pretty profile, you know." "It fits into your neck like it was made by a mechanic." "A lovely thought, barney." "You wouldn't like to neck, would you?" "No thanks, do you mind?" "Oh, that's all right, i just thought... when do you send your first cable?" "I sent it." "And anthony, when does he get fired?" "In a day or two, right out on his ear." "Oh, i suppose he'll get a job with another newspaper." "Him?" "He'll be blacklisted." "Through." "Wonderful." "Can he do anything else?" "Nothing that won't land him in jail." "I suppose he'll get on relief." "He might for a few days, but that's all." "They're fussy about who gets relief." "I hope he gets kicked off the bread line, too." "It's kind of strange to think of him being down and out." "Always so sure of himself, anthony was." "Mmmm." "That's the way it starts around new york." "I've seen hundreds of them." "First they borrow a 10-spot, then a buck, then 25 cents for donuts and coffee." "And then it's a shirt." "And they tell you they got a swell job doing publicity and you stumble over them one night in the park, wrapped up in an old sunday edition to keep the cold out." "Oh, stop it, barney." "Poor michael." "Woman, thy name is screwball." "Yeah, who is it?" "Come on in." "Lunch is ready." "Barney:" "Hey!" "What's the idea?" "Your hands down, please." "I want that map, ms." "Parker." "What are you talking about?" "What map?" "It was not in the plane, i want it quickly, ms." "Parker." "What's he talking about?" "I haven't got it." "Hilda, search her." "You put that gun down and try it." "I must insist upon an unfair advantage." "Step outside." "Well?" "You'd better go, barney." "Everything off now, ms." "Parker, quick." "Smile, please, we are friends, you and i." "I said smile." "Step along." "Wait, mr." "Pells." "Do you play bridge?" "Yeah, well, uh, just fair, who'd we get for a fourth?" "Hey, hey, what's the idea!" "Then you'll understand what i mean by sloughed." "You are about to be sloughed." "Jump!" "You think i'm crazy?" "Jump at once!" "Hey, now wait, now listen, maybe the next stop we'll- ahhhh!" "Yes?" "She claims anthony has it." "Where is he?" "She claims she doesn't know." "Give her back her things." "We'll follow her." "She'll lead us to him." ""I hereby resign." "Will probably become a gypsy."" "He's become a gypsy." "We deserve better treatment than that, mr." "Berger." "Deserve?" "We deserve the pulitzer prize!" "50,000 letters in this contest already." "This is more than human flesh could endure." "Why don't you get some sleep, chief?" "Sleep?" "Anthony fiddles while berger burns?" "Woman:" "Mr. Berger!" "Mr. Berger!" "The dispatch has got sally parker." "I give up." "A lot of unwholesome racketeers have crept into this business." "It's no place for an honest man." "Pack my things, miss fowler." "Don't give me any farewell dinner, just let me fade out quietly." "Wait a minute." "Take a cable to michael anthony!" "Get sally parker back!" "She is with barney pells." "You still work for us!" "Be a gypsy on your own time!" "That's very appropriate, zodders, very appropriate." "Ah-ha!" "Judas!" "That's a very fancy disguise, mr." "Pells." "You're as transparent as a seer." "Gosh, i'm glad i found you." "We gotta talk." "Yeah, no sir." "I'm weak as a can, i lost about a gallon of blood, the doctor says." "And a bottle of burgundy, your best." "Bottle of burgundy?" "Yes, sir." "Listen mike, parker's in danger." "What?" "What did you say?" "Where?" "We were on the train to nice, see." "The baron busted in with a pistol." "He wants a map or something from parker." "What's it all about, and what are we gonna do?" "She still with him?" "As far as i know." "He sloughed me off the train, and here i am." "Nice, eh?" "We gotta get going." "As soon as i get a little red blood in my veins." "Look, i gotta make a phone call to a friend of mine down there whom i can trust." "He'll look after sally until we get there." "Oh, say, look, i'm broke." "Have you got any dough?" "Well, about 200 francs, why?" "Give it to me." "Well, how are we gonna settle up here?" "Well, my credit's good here, and i've gotta have dough to make that phone call." "Now listen, mike, by all that's holy, if you pull anything on me- wait a minute, kid." "You said she was in danger, didn't you?" "I know, but- ok, mike." "B- but monsieur, i-i- shut up." "I think you ought to know the man at my table is the biggest deadbeat in europe." "He goes all over the continent catching dinners and drinks." "He's a mental case." "He hasn't a cent." "I ducked out, but i'm tipping you off." "But thank you, monsieur anthony." "Yeah, i'd throw a scare into him if i were you." "Keep him guessing for a while." "But i will, monsieur." "Here, here, this'll pay for mine." "Thank you, thank you, monsieur anthony." "I'll take care of it." "You are enjoying the dinner, monsieur?" "Yeah, it's fine." "The steak is satisfactory?" "Great, i may even have another one with more onions." "More onions." "Perhaps some mushrooms, too." "Mmmm... good idea." "And another bottle of wine." "You know it makes blood." "More wine?" "Makes blood." "And how are you going to pay for all this?" "Well, uh, mr." "Anthony will be right back." "He just went to make a phone call." "Mr. Anthony told me what you are." "The deadest beat in europe." "A case which is mental." "Do you know how you are going to pay for this?" "* gone, like the wind you are gone * * just a dream lingers on * * for my loved one is gone * * gone, like the roses of june * * like a beautiful tune * * that has ended too soon *" "* it seems a moment ago we met, if you forget * * one fleeting moment of love that brings only regret * * because you're gone *" "madame's pate is not right?" "I don't wish it, thank you." "Thank you very much." "* for my loved one is gone *" "who is it?" "Would you like to buy a pencil from an ex-newspaper man?" "I just heard you were in trouble, and i thought that, well, i thought that maybe- oh darling, don't think." "Just hold me nice and close." "Now before we go into anything else, i just want you to know that i've quit that glass bottom boat they call the chronicle." "You've quit?" "Oh no, how could you?" "But you said- oh, never listen to what i say, i learned that a long time ago." "Kiss me, please." "Did you hear anything?" "Not a thing." "Nice work." "Must be the plumber." "It might be funnier than that." "It might be barney." "The human bloodhound?" "Let me bid him welcome." "Mr. And mrs." "Frankenstein." "They've been following me every minute." "They probably knew you were here." "They're really after you." "No, no, no." "They're really after that map." "We've got to get it back to the london foreign office." "It's too important to be comfortable." "But how?" "An anthony always goes out the way he comes in." "Come on." "Wait a minute." "I have time to fix up, haven't i?" "We look disgraceful." "All right, i'll get the tickets and meet you over there." "All right." "Michael, i hope we live to be very, very old." "Perfect." "You know what to do?" "Of course." "Parker!" "Ms. Sally parker!" "And what makes you think this lady is ms." "Parker?" "Because she is, i tell you!" "She had the room reserved under perkins." "The name is perkins." "No, my friend!" "The name is parker!" "Can we stop all this and do a little police work?" "She's either in a jam or she's with a burglar named anthony." "Burglar, you say?" "What was stolen?" "Listen, stop playing guggenheim, will you?" "And get out the bloodhounds!" "Ah, guggenheim." "Mr. Pells, these are necessary police details." "We must not leave a stone unturned." "How many people did you ever find under stones?" "I want sally parker!" "Somebody ought to be camping in that railroad station, and that's where i am right now!" "Just got time to make it." "One on that channel train." "My mother just broke her hip in two places." "Where?" "In two places- no, calais, as far as she goes." "Hurry, will you?" "Hey!" "Your change!" "Well, here we are, all nice and safe- my compliments, baroness." "Just how long have i been under the impression that you were ms." "Parker?" "Only since rejoining you at the station." "I'll take that map now." "Where's ms." "Parker?" "In a very smart outfit i had to exchange for this." "That map, please." "Don't be silly, baroness." "Come in, wilhelm." "Let's do be silly, mr." "Anthony, i want that map." "I'm very sorry." "I haven't got it." "If you remember in the hotel in london you were rude enough to surprise me during my salt rub." "If i don't get that map, i shall be forced to see you under similar circumstances... without the salt." "Shall we send willy here out for some?" "Take off your coat." "All right, all right, just a minute." "It unbuttons." "It's not there." "Your trousers, please." "Uh, no, i give you my word it's not in my trousers." "Now let's talk this thing over, man to man." "Take them off." "Didn't you hear me yelling and pounding?" "I've been locked in here for hours." "I was out of duty, madame." "But why did you put your clothes in the hamper?" "It's just a sorority initiation." "Walk along this arcade, ms." "Parker." "Your wife left with mr." "Anthony, of course." "Yes, she's to have achieved her purpose by now." "She won't harm him, will she?" "It would be necessary should he become difficult." "What are you going to do with me?" "Soon as i receive word from my wife here, i shall consider that." "Would you care for some tea?" "Please don't be surprised if i suddenly go into an accent." "Baron, after what i've been through, i wouldn't be surprised if you suddenly vanished in a puff of smoke." "Madame." "Monsieur." "I'm not very hungry, let's see." "Some smoked salmon with swedish bread." "And glass of turkish coffee." "And you, my dear?" "Huh?" "Oh, some tea, black." "Now that everything's nice and cozy, may i have a cigarette?" "Or do they have little capsules of poison in them?" "Nothing as glamorous as that." "Straight virginia." "Most americans refuse." "I'm a rather unorthodox american, as you perhaps noticed." "And while we're on the subject, may i go on record as saying i dislike your wife very much?" "And i'm glad she's out of the way for a while." "You are very frank." "And very lovely." "And very bored... with everything and everybody... up till now, baron." "What do you suggest?" "Anything... anything that's different and exciting and glamorous." "Your life must be like that, baron." "Oh, you are very lovely." "I like to hear you say that." "And oh, you are so silly." "What you're attempting, my dear, has been tried by women from constantinople to new york." "I don't wish to appear unappreciative, but once or twice the temptation was even greater than it is now." "That's not fair." "I can see you're just not interested." "Baron:" "Now, my dear, we take a little trip to a- this is the lady here." "This is ms." "Sally parker?" "Yes, watch this man." "Ms. Parker, allow me to introduce- yes, i know, we'll go into that later." "But this man- i am baron spandermann." "Ah, yes, i recognize you, baron." "I'm an air enthusiast myself- baron nothing, he's a spy i tell you." "My dear ms." "Parker- a spy!" "Arrest him!" "That accent is just a disguise." "Well, do something, will you?" "My dear, lieutenant, ms." "Parker is a little embarrassed." "I was trying to find her reasons for stealing my plane." "Will you please understand what i'm saying?" "Quiet, ms." "Parker." "This can all be settled in my office." "I must take you in custody as it is." "Baron, you'll come along and prefer charges." "Not pleasant, but i feel i should." "Oh, you poor dimwits, won't you believe me?" "I'm sorry, ms." "Parker, in my office." "Please, in my office." "Take my car, lieutenant, it is more comfortable." "Ah, very kind." "If you're a policeman worthy of the name, you'll listen to me and- in my office, ms." "Parker." "Of course you realize your trustees have offered £5,000 reward for your apprehension and return?" "For the last time, let me warn you, this man is- no, no, no, baron." "The police station is to your right." "We're not going to the police station." "I'm so sorry." "Slipped my mind." "I should have told you about the baron." "Chalet, please." "Welcome back, madame." "Follow that cab, please." "Yes, sir." "Come on." "We have a guest, rudolph." "I hope you enjoy our hospitality." "Go inside, please." "A very fanciful disguise, mr." "Anthony." "You weren't hiding from me by any chance, were you?" "Oh, all tied up good and tight, huh?" "How about down here, eh?" "Yeah, don't try to reason with me, anthony." "I'm a deadbeat." "A mental case." "Ow!" "I don't react normally at all." "Don't look away." "So, little parker's finally getting her revenge on you, is she?" "You would trifle with an unprotected maiden's heart, would you?" "Even a hummingbird will turn and become a vicious monster if given sufficient provocation, mr." "Anthony." "Don't wave your elbows like the black widow spider you are, my friend, because little parker and i are just about to fly away to a cable office, mr." "New york chronicles expert." "And then the dispatch readers will learn how barney pells turns the tables on a rat that leaves people rotting in restaurants." "All right, start lying to me." "For the love of mike, will you shut up?" "That's not sally in there." "That's the baroness in sally's clothes." "You know who i am?" "I'm the baron." "All right, just sit there and crack wise with your head in the noose." "If you won't help me, you'd better get out of here." "I'm the baron." "I just ate the baroness." "You're really a very low fella." "You gotta believe me this once, barney." "This is one time- this in no time." "Baroness, in other room:" "Rudolph, rudolph." "Rudolph:" "Yes, hilda?" "Baroness:" "And sounds from our nosy guest?" "None." "I may have strangled him." "I was in quite a hurry." "Baroness:" "How careless of you, rudolph." "Yeah, well don't sit there gaping like a pelican, get me out of this." "Why, dive it all in the water." "How did things turn out this way?" "Don't talk, untie." "Well, honest, mike, i had no idea." "Neither did i." "Do you think i came along for the ride?" "What are we gonna do?" "We gotta corral this outfit, that's what." "They've got a map that the foreign office wants back." "It's gotta have it back." "If it doesn't get it, it means a lot of trouble for a lot of people what a story!" "Yeah, and if we leave, we're gonna write it, too." "Hey, wait a minute, i got it." "Here, you sit here." "Wait a minute, what's the idea?" "You're going to be me." "Oh no you don't, my friend!" "You've maneuvered me into things for the last time." "Wait a minute, barney, wait a minute." "This is different." "If we're going to save our hides and sally's and everybody's, we've got to do this." "I know the layout here." "Well, you can show it to me." "If it's as much an emergency as you say it is, you're gonna need my brain as well as your muscle." "And anyway, i can run just as fast as you can." "Nobody's going to run." "We're gonna walk out of here or not at all." "Well, what do i do if they come in?" "Just keep quiet and i'll be covering you all the time." "Where will you be?" "I'll be around, and if they get rough, i'll be in there for both of us." "Now listen, mike, if we get out of this, it's gonna be the biggest story since august, 1914." "You gotta stick by me this time." "I want you to know you're persuading me, but you haven't convinced me." "Barney, don't lose your perspective, old boy." "This is beyond any petty little gags we may have pulled on each other." "This is serious, kid." "Why, you're risking your life for me." "Oh, shucks, that's nothing." "How do you think i could double cross you now with everything that's at stake." "Why, this is the biggest thing that ever happened." "Richard harding davis never pulled a trick like this." "Greeley, dana, luther, burbank- well, the greatest of them never found this many pearls." "We'll split a byline on this, kid." "We'll go down in the archives of journalism in lace pants and gold hats." "Why, i'll never forget this as long as i live." "I wonder if i will." "You're all right, barney, old kid." "Oh, well, you must be on the level this time." "Nobody could be low enough and live to- well, it just doesn't happen, that's all." "No, you bet it doesn't, barney, old boy." "Here comes the baron." "He's got his mob with him." "Hey, this is serious, baby." "What's the matter?" "Too tight?" "No, i changed my mind!" "I changed my mind!" "Yeah, yeah, atta baby." "Fight!" "Where's michael?" "What have you done with him?" "You'll join him in a minute." "My butler will take your things." "You'll be here quite some time." "Otto, the plane's ready." "Go upstairs, change, and get your things." "This affair's taken us a week, and we should've been a day." "I agree with you." "This way, please." "Oh, michael, darling, i'm here, it's sally!" "Her first." "Paul, these two together." "Did they hurt you, darling?" "Can't you talk?" "Ouch!" "Why, you poor excuse for a man." "I'll spend every cent i've ever had to find you." "I'll hire every g- man in america to trail you to vladivostok and back again." "You sneaking contemptible" "I'm trying very hard to control myself, ms." "Parker." "When you're discovered, we'd rest much easier if you're all discovered... quite dead." "I know, michael." "If you were free, she wouldn't talk that way." "Even if she does kill us, we'll be together, won't we, darling?" "We've got them all, hilda?" "Yes, you and paul leave in the car immediately." "We'll meet at the village 5 at the house with number 12." "Night after tomorrow." "Good luck to you both." "Good luck, hilda." "Good-bye." "Whatever happens, we're not afraid, are we, darling?" "I love you, michael, i" "look out, michael, it looks as though she's going to fire any minute." "Oh, darling, please be careful, please!" "It might be worth mentioning if i hear any cries or freaks before we're in the air, i'll start shooting through that door." "It's hard to say who i might hit." "Good-bye, paul!" "Rudolph!" "Paul and rudolph:" "Good-bye!" "Good luck!" "Hilda, i cannot find a towel, i'm all wet." "Hand me a towel, hilda, i'm all- ahhhh!" "In my office, baron!" "Here it is." "And that gives me an idea." "Is that comfortable, baroness?" "Don't worry about her." "Truss her her up like a christmas duck." "Boy, if we only had some photographers, what a story!" "What a tale!" "We'll get a year's salary bonus on this, mike, my boy." "Come on, hurry up, get me out of this." "We gotta get to a cable office." "Yeah, yeah, i'm filing about 4,000 words for a flash bulletin." "What do you want me to cable to the dispatch?" "Huh?" "Gosh, uncle, i didn't realize that you were laid up this way." "Now wait a min- heh, heh, you're still the same old mike, huh?" "This is no time for kidding!" "When do you plan on getting out?" "Is there anything that i can get to make you comfortable?" "Uh, fruit, or flowers, or maybe you'd like a private room." "I'll speak to the house physician on the way out." "We'll split a byline on this, huh?" "Yeah?" "Lace hats and gold pants, huh?" "Sally, we better go, uncle's has too many visitors." "This is bigger than either of us, barney, old pal!" "You risked your life for me, barney, old pal!" "Here, here, now." "You can see the children playing in the garden." "Dana?" "Greeley?" "They'll come back and haunt that dank, rotting cave you live in!" "Good-bye, barney, old pal." "Sally!" "Sally, stop him!" "I'm sorry, i haven't time, barney, i have to write the woman's angle." "Then that goes for you, too, parker!" "I hereby put the pell's curse on the two of you!" "To the seventh son of the seventh son!" "Maybe it's love, and maybe i'm just getting soft in the arteries, but suddenly, after all these years, i feel sorry for barney." "Do you think that i- i think you want to go back, and i think you're very nice." "Dunim wyler cable office." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Dunim wyler cable office." "Oh, oh, this is the cable office?" "Well, this is barnabas w." "Pells." "Now, send this collect." "Press rates." "Exclusive the new york dispatch." "By barnabas w." "Pells." "Now get that name right." "B for black, a for- a, for ain't you ashamed of yourself?" "No, mike!" "No!" "Change that, change that byline." "Make it barnabas w." "Pells and michael anthony." "I was gonna do it all the time, mike, old pal." "Yeah, sure you were, barney, old pal." "M, for maniac." "I, for i love you, darling." "And c, for crackpot." "And h, for how soon are we gonna get married?" "H, for how soon are we gonna get ma- no, i'm not drunk!" "A, for anytime you say." "Oh, shut up."