"Corrected to suit this version by GeoffS" "My king!" "The Lord is making himself very clear to you, Your Majesty." "By throwing chandeliers at me?" "By disturbing your sleep." "Compelling you to ruminate." "I see the crevices in the plaster, Sire." "This accident with the chandelier..." "The facade is crumbling from within." "All of us require work inside, Your Majesty, some of it more urgent than others." "I am in no need of refurbishment." "My concern is for your immortal soul." "I'm going to war with that heretic Protestant upstart." "Will that suffice?" "Your campaign against Holland, Sire, is just, but it is your moral conduct that stirs God to act." "Your Church and your God cannot condone a double adultery." "Your continued relations with a married woman are incurring a debt, and the reckoning is not yet paid." "I do not respond well to threats, Bishop." "Neither does the Almighty." "Sire, the Lord is speaking to you as he spoke to Elijah, in a still, small voice." "Abandon God, he will abandon you, and you will fall into eternal darkness." "I'm marching 25,000 men to claim Holland from the unbelievers in the name of the one true Church." "I've no doubt that God is on my side." "As for you, Bishop... sometimes I wonder." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "God in Heaven...!" "Madame." "Confine her." "If you compel her to a lying-in you protect both the child and her." "You also remove my daily ritual of public humiliation." "It stings to see her swollen stomach, that bloated pride paraded." "You're visiting a great cruelty upon me and I'm begging you to stop." "This is highly irregular, madame." "I talk as your WIFE." "Hear me!" "Every night, before retiring." "You know my promise..." "The promise is empty." "The king must perform his duties, madame." "Did you not understand what it meant to marry one?" "I understand deeply, but as your wife" "I don't like who you've become." "Who would that be, precisely?" "You're changing and it scares me." "You may be the Sun King, but, of late, when I look into your eyes, all I see is shadow." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "No." "Of course you are, and I completely agree with you." "It's self-evident." "Abbiamo bisogno di piu del vino." "We need more wine." "Aah!" "Now I'm home." "I missed you." "And I... mourned... your... absence... every... day." "And while I will admit there were others... who vied for my affection..." "I can assure you, I was utterly faithful and true." "Those Italians are persistent, though, I grant you." "I hear the King has finished the building work and is finally doing something about that interior." "Imagine, new art, better chairs, clocks that work, frescoes all over the place, and so much gold it looks like King Midas went around fondling the entire palace." "Chamber pot!" "Do you know there were even moments in Rome when I actually missed the old place?" "I'm not going back there, you know." "Quite right." "Why would you?" "He broke my heart and destroyed my life." "My poor Henriette." "It was that palace that killed her, believe me." "And poison, but, yes, hardly acceptable behaviour." "You must never return." "Even if he is your only brother." "I'm simply saying...!" "My own brother once challenged me to a duel." "I had to wound him in the clavicle to prevent him from firing on me." "Honestly, families!" "There is a fashion in the salons for recreational powders, substances to enhance and encourage amorous congress." "I believe that the death of Minister Reynaud is connected to the use of these powders." "He consumed too much, perhaps." "Not exactly, Sire." "His widow was seen to be placing powders in the Minister's wine." "She is still under arrest, is she not?" "She is." "And she may have inadvertently administered the dose to Reynaud, but she is not, herself, the poisoner." "That makes no sense." "She was the vessel." "Precisely, Sire." "The phial she used for the love powders was replaced with another identical phial, containing a very powerful poison." "She could have done this herself, of course." "She could." "However, she attempted to sample the powder to prove her innocence." "If I had not prevented her, she would now be dead." "What do you propose?" "My forces have already commenced operations, Sire." "I will find the source of these powders by first identifying how they are brought to Versailles." "Good." "So, it is settled." "We shall stay here." "It's perfectly lovely." "Just you and I." "We shall throw a party for all our friends." "All our friends are over there." "At the "centre of the world"!" "Trust me, the world is really nothing special." "What I saw of it from prison, anyway..." "You're lucky you kept your head on your shoulders." "It's almost as if the King were punishing me for something., Mm!" "People conspire every day." "It's hardly against the law." "It's called treason?" "Well..." "Versailles can be the centre of whatever world it likes." "You are the centre of mine, mignonette." "We shall be just the two of us." "This is what he does it, you know?" "Piece by piece." "Oh, God..." "First, he took my wife..." "No, and now he's taken all of my friends!" "Stop it!" "And, yes, very soon, your freedom." "He will marry you again, won't he?" "He can hardly compel you to..." "He will find a way." "All right!" "We should have the biggest party in the world to welcome me back to civilisation." "Invite most of our best friends, and all of our worst ones, too, we want it to be Fun after all!" "They won't come." "You know, I feared this would happen." "In my absence, you've become pathetic." "Does it really take me to tell you this?" "Does your brother control you so strongly that you cannot see it for yourself?" "The King has filled that palace with every single one of YOUR admirers." "Louis might be their king, but the man they truly worship?" "Hm?" "Why, that would be you." "He might be... the sun, my dear, but you are the star and it is time you showed your brother how brightly you can sparkle." "I don't know if you've ever noticed, but while the sun rules the day, it is the stars that rule the night." "Hm." "I did miss you a great deal." "I know." "Tell me again." "You must sit." "I prefer to walk." "The child would benefit from your repose." "The child is running a country mile no matter what I do." "In any case, it will soon be out of me and we shall hear no more about it." "I saw Gaston de Foix doing some pacing of his own earlier." "Most despondent." "You know, I think he's still has not overcome his disappointment." "I think he truly thought he had a chance of succeeding as a minister." "He did have a chance, but he was not the choice." "Still, I do wonder, if he might perform more energetically." "Cassel is, after all, rather decrepit, is he not?" "You must know that I have been asked for my opinion on him and his position, and I must tell you, Sire..." "The Duc de Cassel is like a savage dog with a nose for danger." "Better to have him sniffing at my feet than out there in the woods with my enemies." "Nevertheless, if his name or his face appears to me," "I must tell you it will be impossible for me to feign delight." "I understand that it is hard but not impossible." "Madame de Reynaud is guilty, of course." "But what a tragedy for one so young." "What will the King do?" "Have her executed." "And rightly so." "Murder will always receive its just reward." "Are you sure you're ready?" "What happens now?" "He says to come back in an hour." "And... do I pay you?" "No, the first one's on me, my dear." "Crowded." "More nobles families arrived last night, Sire. 22 in all." "Can we accommodate them?" "We will make room." "The new lodgings on the approach should be completed by the spring." "Congratulations, Sire." "Your dream of Versailles is made flesh." "I had thought it standard to confine a woman in the final weeks of pregnancy." "Are you trying to pay me a compliment, Gaston?" "Because I fear you need a spot of practice." "My apologies!" "It appears my son is... is drunk." "And you appear to be frustrated." "It pains me to say, I am, madame." "Since you, in the past, assured me so clearly of your desire to help my family." "The desire was never lacking, madame." "In any case, I helped you as far as I was able." "I spoke highly of your son to the King." "It's not my fault your son cannot walk through an open door." "It's very simple, you know, one foot in front of the other." "Perhaps you can give him a lesson." "Goodnight." "Are you completely without quality?" "Go on like this, there's no future in politics." "Make an enemy of the most powerful woman in France and I doubt you'll have any future at all." "You see him over there?" "Beauregarde?" "He fell foul of her and he's been sliding down the ranks ever since." "Three weeks ago he was holding the King's shoe and now look at him." "Removed from the cuffs." "You do what I tell you to do, say what I tell you to say, and we will triumph!" "But you must trust that I know what I'm doing." "Only if we work together we will prevail." "You have no idea how this place works, Mother." "I know a sight more than you do, let me tell you!" "Did you make a note of who delivered it?" "A friend of the friend." "I do not know him... yet." "One step at a time." "They make it with a fly from Spain." "There's one called Desire which is wonderful." "I don't believe I've ever had the pleasure." "Oh... and if you mix it with one called Tranquility, it works very well." "It has willow bark and valerian." "We put it in our drink when we play Madame Scudery's stupid game." "I would love to try it." "Oh, well you have to." "You simply must!" "Come on." "It'sjust there." "Hello..." "Good evening." "The King!" "Sire." "I hope you're settling in." "Yes, Your Majesty." "Is it poison?" "No." "This is the effect of the love potion in a larger dose." "The blistering is nearly instantaneous." "It's what causes the blood to rush to the organs." "The effect is that strong?" "And very common." "You once cured me of certain ill effects." "I know their symptoms and how best to heal them." "And how to improve them, perhaps?" "You're concerned I might use my knowledge to create a more powerful poison?" "The thought had crossed my mind." "That would make me a witch, would it not?" "In my opinion, it would only make you useful." "You're not eating." "I can see it very clearly." "Stay for supper." "My soup is fresh and untainted by any tonic." "His Excellency, Envoy Zweibrucken from the Palatinate, Sire." "What are your terms?" "The initial meeting shall take place on..." "On sovereign territory within the Ile de France." "Acceptable, but not ideal, you see, on the side of the Palatinate, we must insist on the adherence to our protocol." "She is marrying my brother." "It is a pairing, Sire, of two sides..." "United in allegiance against the Dutch Republic in the north." "The initial meeting must proceed as follows, the Princess will be accompanied by a retinue of three ladies-in-waiting, four horse guards..." ""...eight outriders, plus two in addition of her personal guards." ""The Prince will arrive first at the meeting point..."" "Very best of luck with that!" "Stop it!" "Oh, please!" "As if you've ever been early to anything in your life!" "Blah-blah-blah, protocol, protocol, protocol!" ""...with the introductions effected by the two retinues," ""at which point, the Princess and the Prince..."" "That should be the other way round, surely?" "".." "Will strip to the waist and wrestle in the filth" ""and detritus of the forest floor."" "It doesn't say that." "Um..." "No, it doesn't!" "What about the end?" "Um..." "At the end..." ""You say greetings, she says good day," ""you both agree this is a ludicrous idea," ""make a plan never to see each other," ""and you and I get drunk for three days."" "But look at her face!" "She seems... handsome..." "I hear she's fond of bratwurst." "Important for any married couple to share a common interest." "German food is very tasty." "At the end..." "We ride together into Versailles." "Sounds nice." "Oh, Sire!" "What are you doing?" "Spreading manure, Sire." "It's what gives the plants and flowers their strength and colour." "Back to work!" "Do you ever feel that no part of this life is worth the struggle, since we all return to the same place?" "Your father would say much the same thing, Sire." "In truth, I had not thought of my father for... a very long time." "May I ask a very delicate question, Sire?" "Your father's hunting lodge once stood in these grounds." "To build your palace, you could have destroyed it." "Why, Sire?" "Did you wish to preserve his memory?" "He loved to come here." "Now, should his spirit seek to return, all he will see... will belong to me." "Who is that, Majesty?" "Don't you know Father Pascal from Paris?" "Only by reputation." "Though from what I hear, quite a zealous soul..." "He's a good friend." "I understand he is a passionate man of God." "I invited him here to deliver the sermon on Sunday." "I was not aware I required reinforcements, Majesty." "Well, now you are." "To fight the Devil requires not just a man, but an army." "'Sin!" "'" "We all know why we are here." "But where, exactly, are we going?" "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." "That is what the Gospel ofJohn has taught us." "When Jesus saw none but the woman, he said unto her, "Woman, hath no man condemned thee?"" "She said, "No man, Lord."" "And Jesus said unto her, "Neither do I condemn thee." ""Go, but sin no more!"" "We live under Almighty God and under His eternal gaze." "Only He may be our judge." "Father Pascal speaks from the heart." "A suitable choice of Gospel." "Spoken with a fresh voice means it's heard with fresh ears." "A fine sermon." "Very subtle." "Such a shame you didn't deliver it yourself, Bishop." "Father Pascal is visiting us from Paris." "How convenient don't you think?" "It's so much easier to get to town now they're improving the road." "I would welcome your confession, madame, if you have time?" "I always have time for a man in a dress." "Very well." "Let's get this over with." "You must end this affair with His Majesty at once." "And there we have it." "You expected a different subject?" "You know, the world would run much more smoothly if people like you weren't so uptight!" "If only you didn't have this tiresome vow of chastity..." "My vows are bonded to my soul." "I would suggest the holy pledges of your own spousal contract might be treated with the same reverence." "My higher purpose lies with our king." "My greater calling is to lie with him and to grow his seed." "Perhaps it takes a man who has tasted temptation to know whether God would smile upon it or not." "If we are all in his image, does he not share our inclinations?" "Father Pascal must be beating them off with a poleaxe." "You are vexed, madame." "I am not vexed!" "Ijust have a growing slug of a baby inside my belly and it's pressing down on my bladder with considerable force." "Madame, if you please..." "I'm attempting to help you." "Au contraire, Bishop, you are attempting to coerce me!" "And before I leak all over your cassock, I suggest you take a minute to consider quite how appalling your life will become if you continue in this manner." "Consider yourself warned." "Fetch me a chamber pot!" "Hurry!" "Madame." "I saw you in the salon," "I thought you looked full of poise." "Turns out you were full of piss." "You are in my way." "The King is waiting for me." "Hmm..." "I wonder what he'd think if he knew that his little kitten likes to urinate in the corners." "I'd imagine he couldn't care less." "I remember this game." "The game has changed, dear heart, or have you not noticed?" "!" "When he discards you like a bad oyster, and he will," "I shall be waiting for you, my dear!" "...One has to have lived through martyrdom to become..." "I noticed you've recently acquired a new piece of furniture." "What was your intention in bringing it to court?" "It seemed to me we needed to make an important addition to our chapel." "Better to praise God." "I do not care for it." "It clashes." "Any additions should be approved by me and me alone." "Perhaps you should notjudge it so harshly, my king." "Perhaps time..." "I advise you to get rid of it." "It is valued very highly in Rome." "What on earth are you wearing?" "What amli wearing?" "It's a little dull..." "This is not." "Do you like it?" "I designed it myself." "The Italians love silk, and colour." "We have colours in France." "Nice ones." "I was thinking." "Every year." "Every change of season." "We impose a new rule." "A new colour!" "An accent, something fun." "If enough people join in, other people will feel left out if they do not belong." "We could rule by colour." "This winter will be blue!" "Not blue." "Why not?" "It's the King's colour." "Red, then." "A rich crimson." "Fashion will be our standard, darling, and the people will walk behind you." "And me." "I understand why you would want your friend to attend you, but why here?" "Madame Scarron is very fond of children, and she's extremely quiet." "Bontemps, do we have room in the nursery?" "It might be feasible, Sire, but Versailles is hardly a place for young children." "Well, then, that will change when they get here." "Only royal children may have a nurse or governess at Versailles." "My children are royal!" "Or has their paternity escaped you?" "!" "I am merely saying, madame, we must follow protocol." "It is the bedrock of our life here." "My children will be safe, and there is no safer place in France than at Versailles!" "Or would you not agree?" "Is there space for Scarron?" "If it pleases Your Majesty." "See that it is done." "At once, Sire." "How big you are getting...!" "My goodness, look at you, have you seen a ghost?" "When a woman has a child, her body changes." "I have seen women who were butchered by birth." "So much so that they never recover." "You are exhausted, dear." "The King is surrounded by beauty, all day, every day." "I am still his favourite but one day, that will change." "This baby will only hasten the inevitable." "Mandrake." "Keep it with you, always." "She is... kicking you at night." "In the left rib with her heel." "So close to your heart, it sometimes feels like it could break." "She's... compounding the hurt you already feel." "But the man you fear is not the one who is going to harm you." "He's far away, no matter how close he gets." "The one you must truly fear is the one who is closest." "It is there inside your guard, that you lay yourself wide open." "But then, my dear you already know that." "That is why you are still here." "Coo-ee!" "Good morning!" "Must be so easy to ming on the road if you're a man." "Don't even have to stop the coach moving, you simply shove it out of the window and water the weeds." "You must be Philippe." "I'm Liselotte, Princess Palatine, nice to meet you." "You're late." "Delighted to make your acquaintance." "What happens now?" "I'm not sure..." "What page are you on?" "Um..." "One." "How about, "Good morning"?" "I brought some gifts for you and your children," "I hope that's acceptable," "I wasn't going to come all this way empty-handed." "My children?" "Are they here?" "Where are they?" "They are in Saint Germain with their governess." "Then when do you see them?" ""See" them...?" "Well, then..." "Anyway..." "That is for Marie Louise." "I hear she enjoys writing letters and I hope she might write one to me one day." "And the pony is for Anne Marie." "I hope it'll make her happy." "I used to love horses as a little girl, I hope she will, too." "You are very... kind." "I cannot hide it, I adore children." "Talking of which, we should probably get going." "Shouldn't we...?" "What?" "Oh, no!" "Oh, goodness no!" "I meant, your girls must be missing you, and you them." "Coming all the way out here to meet a strange woman." "We could visit them, if you like." "Please bring them down here to the country." "Let them climb a few trees." "Good for girls to get their knees dirty!" "Anyway, you're the prince of my life now, you make the rules." "Should we go?" "I'm so excited to meet your brother." "Good day." "I am not here." "Yes, you are." "I can assure you I am not." "However..." "I thought you were in Italy." "I was." "But now, I am here, or rather, I am NOT here." "Since my friend is meeting his new bride in Versailles," "I thought I would press my advantage and NOT be here with you, which I am currently... doing." "I hope I'm making myself clear." "I am NOT here because I wish to speak with you urgently concerning a confidential medical matter." "You're sick?" "It's hard to explain." "So don't." "Perhaps..." "Perhaps I might allude to it." "Certain bodily functions carry with them certain expectations, in as much as when one opens one's eyes during the day, one expects to... see." "Similarly, when one releases one's bladder, one expects to urinate." "Or rather, one is accustomed to the idea that the act of pissing offers much in the way of relief and wellbeing, as opposed to... excruciating torments of unbearable pain." "It hurts when you piss?" "Like a cascade of jagged tadpoles thrashing downstream to spawn." "I hope I am making myself clear." "May I see?" "You may." "Does it hurt?" "Cold hands." "Cold hands!" "I can see no chancres." "The discomfort will pass." "And the pain?" "I can give you a rosemary balm." "Am I to roast a spatch cock?" "What am I to do with that?" "Rub it." "The affected area." "Rubbing is what got me into this in the first place." "I can also give you a mercury tincture, that should tackle the problem." "And if the edge were to remain?" "Do you have something stronger?" "Hm?" "I do not." "Fine." "Just... hurry it up, will you?" "Madame de Reynaud, was this the powder?" "Mine came in silver phials." "For which I paid a premium, no doubt." "Tell me again how you came by it." "As I told you before." "I would speak to my friends, they would speak to theirs." "I would settle my account and the powders would arrive." "When will you release me?" "I fear that giving you freedom now may place you at risk." "Monsieur Marchal!" "Move!" "War is imminent." "And yet, Sire, I must report once again, there are obstacles to a free and full assault on the Dutch." "Several of our key staging posts are refusing to garrison our men, or feed or water them." "In the Spanish Netherlands, I presume." "In France, Sire." "France." "Is that so?" "What is the nature of these staging posts?" "Are they hamlets?" "Towns?" "Friaries and monasteries, Sire." "And what is happening to the men when they are turned away?" "They sleep rough, forage, go hungry." "An army marches on its stomach!" "Bishop!" "Here I am." "Have I not helped you gain power, and keep it?" "You have, Sire." "Why, then, do you defy my will?" "I do not defy you, Majesty." "Does the abbey at Nivelles stand in my kingdom?" "It does, Sire." "And do the friars there take their holy direction through you, Bishop?" "Through the Church, Sire, in Rome." "Running first through you, Bishop!" "It was not my decision, Sire, but Rome's." "Then Rome must be made aware, that they must keep their Roman noses out of our business!" "Tighter." "Tighter." "I do not think that would be beneficial, madame, to the child." "I do not recall asking your opinion on the matter." "Perhaps you should rest in bed for a while." "How, precisely, am I supposed to attend one of the most important celebrations of the year if I'm confined to my room?" "That is not advisable at this stage." "It would be very tiring for you." "For you, perhaps." "Consider your health, madame." "I understand it must seem like simple common sense, but this is far too tight." "For example, you may be constricting blood flow to your child..." "You know, there is a reason our finest medical minds treat only the noble families." "They understand what is expected of a person, what is required, and what is to be done to achieve it." "Now, until you understand that, you are no help to me whatsoever." "Princess Elisabeth Charlotte, the Princess Palatine." "Welcome to Versailles." "Thank you, Majesty." "I was beginning to think you would never return." "You were correct." "What changed your mind?" "I was spoken to." "From on high." "So..." "You are here out of duty." "A blind obedience to a higher power, just like everyone else." "They're here because... you want them to be." "There is no other reason." "What you want, you get." "You must have realised that by now." "Tell me, are your jurisdictions able to take full advantage of the current increase in the price of cereal crops?" "Um..." "Yes?" "Hm!" "You know she has wooden teeth?" "It's true." "Careful, Your Highness!" "That may be poisoned." "You're not eating?" "Not like that." "Do you come here often?" "Not in this room, no." "Oh, I saw some stains on the floor, I assumed one of them was you." "Do you dance?" "You will have to learn." "What for?" "You shall look ridiculous if you do not participate." "I am standing here talking to my new husband's lover," "I am well aware of how ridiculous I look." "I wouldn't do that if I were you." "Who's there?" "After you, young man." "My name is Pierre Dubois." "And you?" "Jacques." "Is that your family name?" "I have no family." "I work for the King." "What, as a "tree guard"?" "As a "guard-ener"." "What on earth are you doing all the way out here?" "Wild boar are eating my bulbs in the gardens." "I followed the tracks from the garden to here." "How about you?" "I must confess, I'm a little lost." "Is that your initials you're carving in the King's tree?" "To speak truthfully, Jacques I'm supposed to meet a young lady out here." "I confess, for a moment, I thought you might be her husband." "I suppose I should be flattered." "Don't worry." "Your secret's safe with me." "Thank you." "Not long now." "You will never win." "So far so good." "I see... new trees marching in formation..." "Well..." "You will be food for them now." "I will make a damn fine... tree..." "What a surprise to see you." "Alive, I mean..." "Much water has passed under the bridge." "Careful you don't drown in it." "What is the matter?" "Nothing..." "Nothing, I'm fine." "Get away from me!" "I am fine..." "A small slip is all." "Help her!" "Hurry up!" "Is it always like this here?" "I'm afraid so." "Push!" "Push!" "Yes, it's opening!" "Beautiful!" "And... yes..." "Push!" "Push!" "Keep breathing, keep breathing..." "Breathe... breathe..." "And push!" "Push!" "Keep pushing!" "You're doing wonderful!" "Yes, just give me one last push!" "Push!"