"Since the dawn of time, trying to get anywhere with your kids has been a challenge." "Oh, my God." "Why are you so late?" "I've been standing out there forever." "Look." "I got a snotsicle." "Put your coat on, you moron." "Ugh." "Brick couldn't find his book." "And you can't go to dinner like that." "I'm gonna change." "Relax." "Don't tell your mom to relax." "Brick wants to go to Don's Oriental Food." "Ugh!" "No way." "No foreign food." "I want spaghetti." "Hey, you just passed the library again." "Where are we going now?" "You said we'd go after we picked up Axl." "We will, but after we pick up Sue." "Oh, what?" "Can't we just pick her up after dinner?" "I'm starving!" "Look, this is just what we're doing, okay?" "Sue, get in." "Aren't you guys gonna come in and see the display?" "We got half the diabetes case." " Oh, sure." " No!" " Absolutely not." " Fine." "We'll go eat first and then come back and see it." "Your brothers are hungry." "What?" "No." "But" "Look, this is just what we're doing, okay?" "We're going for spaghetti." "You said we could go to Don's Oriental Food." "No." "No way." "Last time we didn't get to go where I wanted to go, so I get to choose this time." "I want Rib Time America." "I like ribs." " No!" " No." "This is not fair." "I was promised." "I ate hoagies against my will, and you promised next time I'd get to pick, remember?" "Okay, where am I going?" " Spaghetti!" " Rib Time America." "The library." "You should not even be allowed to pick a restaurant." "You are a terrible restaurant picker." "I am not!" "Colonial Diner." "That was one time!" "I need a decision here." "I don't understand why we're not going to the library." "And what is your problem with Rib Time America, Axl?" "You totally like those fries." "Aah!" "Axl, gross!" " Axl." " Axl." "Oh, relax." "I smell better than all you put together." " Let's pick a place, people." " I am starving!" "Hey, you just passed the library again." "We're not going to the library right now." "You were never gonna take me, were you?" "Admit it!" "That's just what you say to get me in the car!" "Okay, what are we doing?" "I got Don's to the left, I got Ribs to the right." "Left or right?" "Left or right?" " Right." "Right." "Right." " I want to go to the library!" " Spaghetti." "Spaghetti." "Spaghetti!" " Dad, please go to Ribs of America!" " Spaghetti!" " I never get to do what I want!" "Please!" "You know" "So this is what we did." "All right." "You guys have school tomorrow." "Why don't you get to bed?" "We're not tired." "Well, we are." "Oh, I call the bathroom!" "No fair!" "You got it first last night!" "Oh, you don't know what's coming for you!" "Well, that was fun." "We should do that again." "Ugh." "All that fighting." "It's just impossible to do anything with these people." "Wouldn't it be so much easier if we only had one kid, hmm?" "Or none." "No, seriously." "Think about it-- how great would that be?" "It-- it would be like" ""The Courtship of Eddie's Father."" "Remember that show?" "They would just take these long walks down the beach, just the two of them, and talk and connect." "What are we doing?" "We're referees-- sheepherding referees." "We should get whistles." "I mean, imagine if it was just Axl today." "We would have gotten there early, seen a little of his practice." "I've been wanting to watch practice." "Yeah." "And we would have had the time." "Could have talked strategy over spaghetti, gone over some plays." "Right?" "And if it was just Sue, we would have seen her display case, taken her out for ribs, caught up on her life." "I like ribs." "Brick could have gone to the library and Don's Oriental Food." "He gets really chatty when he eats Chinese." "I think it's the MSG." "And what's with Axl and that rib place, huh?" "He was just being a jerk." "He totally likes the fries there." "So we're agreed-- we'll give two back." "Which one you wanna keep?" "Look, it is what it is." "We'll never get 'em one on one." "Wait." "Why can't we?" "So listen, your dad and I were thinking..." " I am not cleaning the garage!" " You always do this." "Weekends are our time to relax!" "This is something that will benefit you." "Instead of everyone running around with everyone else and being miserable and having to do things they don't want to do..." "Like this?" "You each get to spend a day with us alone." "Each kid gets me and your dad's full attention for one day." "Pass." "Really?" "A whole day?" "It's your day." "We can spend it in whatever way you choose." "Oh, my God." "One day is not gonna be enough." "You can have my day." "No one's taking anybody's day." "Okay, let's see." "I want an outside activity." "I want an inside activity." "I want an activity we've never done together." "I want an activity that involves jumping." "I want a mystery activity." "I want some reflection time." "Oof." "Are you sure I can't dip into just a little bit of Axl's day?" "I wanna go to the library." "I'm gonna show you the microfiche, and I wanna go through the periodicals without rushing." "Can I invite a friend so I have someone to talk to?" "Nope." "Now go." "Okay." "I'm gonna start making my list." "How 'bout a different plan?" "You and me take off in the middle of the night and just drive." "Axl." "Come on, Axl." "You're sleeping your day away." "We've tried to wake you up twice already." "Take a hint." "It's noon." "If we're gonna do anything, we gotta get this thing moving'." "I already told you I don't wanna go." "I was an only child for two years." "I'm good." "Whoa." "Come on." "It's gonna be great." "Just the three of us." "No siblings." "It's all about you." "What do you wanna do?" "Well, I got one idea, but you're not gonna wanna do it." "Welcome to Paintball Zone!" "Game on!" "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" " Ho-ho!" " Got 'em." "This is awesome." "Oh, I wanna join the army." "Yeah, 'cause this is what war is like." "The blue team has been eliminated." "Yes." "Oh." "Hey." "I've been looking for you guys everywhere." "We got the blue team, right?" " Yeah." " I was this close to getting one," " and then I tripped and shot myself." " Oh." "Hey, listen, I've been doing some reconnaissance." "The orange team is taking cover behind that jeep over there." "We gotta flush 'em out." "I'm thinking one of us lays down some suppressive fire, and the other two flank 'em by going over that ridge over there." "The only problem is, it leaves all three of us vulnerable." "Ooh." "Hey." "I know." "What about this instead?" "Mom, you see that white pillar over there?" "You run to that and draw their attention." "That way we can attack from here." "I don't know." "That looks awfully far away." "Won't I be exposed?" "You'll be okay." "Just run in a zigzag pattern." " Really?" " Well, if you yell, "don't shoot"" "over and over, nobody'll shoot you." " Really?" " Yeah." "Uh..." "all right." "Here I go." "All right." "Don't shoot!" "Don't shoot!" "Don't shoot!" "Don't shoot!" "Ow!" "Don't shoot!" "Don't shoot!" "Aah!" "Don't shoot!" "Don't shoot!" "Ow, ow, ow!" "Aah!" "Oof!" "Yeah!" " Got 'em!" " Whoo!" "And we only lost mom." "Hey." "There you are." "Have you seen Axl?" "We had a whole plan worked out to ambush the green team, and I've been circling the perimeter for 20 minutes." "I can't find him anywhere." "All this strategy is boring." "I thought we would have time to sit and talk with Axl about his hopes and dreams." "And instead I've just been running around being target practice." "Hey, our teenage son is having a good time with us, his parents." "You know how rare that is?" "That's like finding oil in your backyard." "You know, I must really like you if I'm making out with you in this." "What?" "You don't think this is hot?" "You look so stupid." "You look so stupid." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Ooh." "What are you doing?" "What?" "I don't know." "Nothing." "I'm sorry." "Axl's in trouble here." "Okay." "Sorry." "Dude." "Bro code." "What's the matter with you?" "You know, your mom was really looking forward to this." "She doesn't get to spend a lot of time with you, and you're going off to college next year." "She was actually having fun today, being with you, and she thought you were, too." "You're not gonna be in our house that much longer." "You can't give us a couple hours of your time?" "You gotta go pick up some random girl?" "Let's go." "We're leaving." "Look, I'm sorry I ran off, but she's not just some random girl." "She's my girlfriend, 'kay?" "You have a girlfriend?" "We've been dating for, like, a month, but we haven't told anybody yet." "So you like her?" "I really like her." "I don't know what it is, but I just wanna spend every day with her, you know?" "Just wanna be with her all the time." "You ever feel like that about anybody?" "Yeah." "My old cat at the quarry." "And your mom, of course." "So, a girlfriend, huh?" "Yeah." "Well, good." "Good." "She seemed nice." "Glad you told me." "Come on." "We should be goin'." "There you are." "Where have you been?" "Oh, hey, um, wait." "Can we, like, not tell mom about this?" "'Cause she's gonna ask a million questions and be super annoying." "I gotta tell her." "I'll give you a few seconds head start." "Okay." "Hey." "What?" "Who is she?" "When did he meet her?" "What's her name?" "How long has he been seeing her?" "I can't believe..." "Kid one-- done." "Check and check." "Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!" "It's my day." "It's my special day!" "Whoo-hoo!" "It's still dark outside." "What time is it?" "It's 4:45." "We just have so much to do that if we don't get started now, we're never gonna fit it all in." "Come back in a couple of hours." "I can't. "Watch the sun rise" is on my list." "See?" "Uh..." "Oh... so pretty." "All right." "Let's go." "We're petting puppies at the shelter." "Well, be careful what you wish for, 'cause when Sue got a special day, she wasn't kidding." "We went to the doughnut place, we painted mugs, we looked for animal shapes in the clouds, went to the butter museum." "By the time we got to the arcade, Mike was pooped." "But I was determined to keep my energy up." "Whoo-hoo!" "Oh, mom, you're really good." "You could have been on the dance team in high school." "Nah, I'm not that coordinated." "Hey, why isn't dad playing?" "Uh, he's just tired." "Was he like this yesterday with Axl, too?" "Yeah." "Yep, he was." "Mike, come on." "Get over here." "You gotta do this." "I'm good." "Daddy, special day." "Now." "Now." "Dad, you're doing great." "Now." "Now." "Oh, my God." "Don's Oriental Food is so good." "I see why Brick likes it so much." "Yep, that was a great day." "Well, I'm beat." "What do you say we head home?" "No, no, no, no, no." "Wait." "You promised we would get to see your old prom dresses." "Aw, sweetie, no, those are all packed away somewhere over at Aunt Edie's." "You always promise, but we never do it." "And this is supposed to be my special day." "That's the thing about special-- if you overload on special, it's not as special anymore." "Axl and Brick never wanna go." "If I don't go today, I'll never get to go." "And then one day, when I have a daughter of my own, and she asks me what I know about my mom from when she was young," "I'll just have to say "I don't know,"" "because even though it was my special day, my mom didn't think it was important enough to" "Here they are." "Oh, wow." "Yeah." "This is from sophomore year." "Went to prom with Billy Petchell." "He drove a yellow Pacer." "Mm-hmm." "OMG." "I know, right?" "It's so pretty." "Look at those sleeves." "It's so glamorous." "You should wear this." "You could wear this to cocktail parties." "Oh... yeah." "Oh." "Wow!" "This is from my junior prom." "That was a crazy night." "I drank so much... punch... yeah." "We got really... excited." "Sounds amazing." "Ooh." "Ooh." "Ooh." "This was my senior prom." "Oh, my God." "This one's my favorite." "Can I try this on?" "Go for it." "I'm gonna go to the kitchen and pour myself a big glass of excitement." " You want anything?" " Yeah." "I want my excitement on the rocks." "Oh." "Oh!" "You look beautiful." "I know." "Wouldn't this look pretty with some purple wedges?" "Uh-huh." "There's a lot of shoes that would look good." "Ooh." "What's all this?" "Oh, I don't know." "There's all kinds of stuff in here." " Ah!" "Look." " Your yearbook." "Let's look through it." "Oh, no, no, no." "That's okay." "We don't have to" "Uh-oh." "Are there some bad pictures in here?" "Come on!" "Ooh." "Here you are, chillin' on the lawn with your friends." "Here's one of you on the football field... in a cheerleading uniform." "You were a cheerleader?" "Was I?" "Oh, it was so long ago." "Who remembers?" "You were a cheerleader." "Well..." "I guess I was, but only my senior year, just because they needed somebody small for the top of the pyramid." "So you were coordinated." "Why wouldn't you tell me you were a cheerleader?" "I don't know." "I mean, who cares?" "Look at me now." "It's not like it translated into anything." "Oh, my God." "You were on prom court?" "I can't believe you didn't tell me any of this." "Why wouldn't you tell me?" "Is it because you think I'm not that?" "No, Sue." "I just..." "I don't know." "I didn't want you to feel like you had to live up to something I did." "I wanted you to live your own life and not have this idea that you had to be like me." "And honestly, I know at your age all this stuff may seem important, but it's not." "It's like this dress." "It was such a big deal when I got it, and now look." "It's hanging in the back of Aunt Edie's closet, collecting dust." "You know what?" "I think I would like to move my 10:00 PM reflection time to now." "Oh." "Okay." "Okay." "Well, I thought about it, and..." "I just realized something." "If you were a cheerleader, that means I have cheerleader DNA in me." "I mean, you did all this when you were a senior." "I've got two years left." "I was this close to giving up on that dream." "But there is no way now." "I am going for it all." "I am never gonna stop trying out!" "Whoo!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Kid two-- done and done." "Wow." "This weekend was exhausting." "Yeah." "Thank God that's over." "Least we got through it." " Oh, crap." " It's 10:00 AM." "I didn't know whether I should wake you up." "I already made myself breakfast and did my push-up." "Today is my day, right?" "It is, Brick." "Sorry, we're just beat." "It's been a long weekend." "I decided I don't wanna go to the library." " Oh, good." " Oh." "I mean, we don't have to go anywhere to have a special day." "We can just watch TV all day." "You always let me watch TV." "Yes, but we'll let you watch it in bed with us." "No, I still wanna go somewhere." "While I was waiting for you guys to wake up," "I read in the newspaper that there's a "Planet Nowhere" convention in Indianapolis today." "Oh, come on, Brick, no." "It's a long drive to Indianapolis." "Perfect." "It'll give me plenty of time to fill you in on the series." "See, what a lot of people don't know about the "Planet Nowhere" series is that it's an allegory." "Now, all the tribes..." "And so, ironically, for the Vernegos to ultimately triumph over the Silligans, they must first abandon their planet entirely and wander the galaxy for-- you guessed it" "11 centuries." "Ugh." "Yesterday's Don's Oriental Food is still not sitting so well." "Don's?" "I wanted to go there today." "Yeah, there's no way we're going there today." "Oh." "Well, then, I want to go to..." " Juanita's Cocina." " Oh, no." "We gotta give the Chinese a chance to clear out before we let any other countries in." "Sorry." "Aw, I knew it." "Construction." "Always there." "They're never gonna get this done." "You know, Brick, there might be other fun things we could do today." "It-- it would be a shame to spend your special day stuck in traffic." "Well, I don't mind." "Yeah, but we don't even have tickets." "I checked." "There are plenty of tickets available at the door." "You know, they're probably just gonna try to sell you a bunch of stuff." "And by the time we get there, it's gonna be so crowded." "Sounds like you guys don't wanna go." "What?" "No, no." "We want to do whatever you want to do." "We're just... scared that it won't live up to your expectations." "You went to 17 places with Sue." "Did she tell you that?" "Because you're not supposed to talk about each other's days." "Oh, no." "See those flakes?" "Here it comes." "First big storm of the winter." "Oh." "Well, that's it." "We're gonna have to turn around." "But I'm" " I'm sure we can find something much more fun." "Well, those look sharp." "Is this my day?" "Trying on shoes?" "Hey, you're always complaining that I just bring you back shoes from the discount bin when I'm shopping for Axl." "We're not even here for me." "This isn't my day." "We're running errands." "Ooh." "Look." "Wanna play with the size-y thing?" "You've never done that." "I sort of like these boots." "What do you think, Frankie?" "For work?" "You see?" "Even my special day isn't even for me." "This is nothing at all that I wanted." "Nothing." "That's it." "I'm gettin' the boots." "Look, Brick, I'm just tired." "I've got acid reflux." "I'm burping fire right now." "Why don't we just float your special day until we can make it really special?" "You won't." "I know you won't." " Brick" " No." "You do things for everybody else." "And by the time you get around to me, you don't care." "You don't have anything left." "You don't even have the energy to yell at me." "You want us to yell at you?" "Yeah, sometimes!" "You yell at Axl and Sue." "Once in a while it'd be nice to know that you care enough to yell at me, too." "Look at this." "I'm making a whole scene in the shoe store, and nothing!" "Brick, look," "I know it's tough being the third child... but I want you to know that we don't take you for granted." "And we love you, and..." "Mike, help me out here." "I wonder if these come in brown." "Forget it." "Let's just go." "Yep, we both had to admit, Brick's special day was a bust." "We'd have to find a way to make it up to him later." "Hey." "What do you think you're doing?" " What?" " Pick that up." "I'll get it later." "Hey, don't talk back to your father." "I wasn't talking back." "I was" "And don't talk back to me." "You know, you are developing a real attitude problem, and it's gonna stop." " But I" " No "buts," Brick." "We are sick of this." "Now you better start behaving yourself, or there's gonna be a price to pay." "In fact, get outta here." "This conversation is over." "Go to your room." "And stay there until you've thought about what you've done!" "So was our experiment successful?" "I don't know." "We did learn something about Axl, sue learned something about me, and I learned that I was buying shoes three sizes too small for Brick." "I wanna watch that!" "Too bad, Brick!" "Get your own remote!" "I mean, sure we have chaos, but chaos works for us." "We are done, right?" "There isn't a fourth kid we forgot about, is there?" "We'll find out in the morning."