"This is the last time" "I spend good money on a new mattress." "This is the last time" "They weren't even in the apartment," "This is the last time" "Just the building." "This is the last time" "Are you sure that you" "This is the last time" "We shared a wall with bedbugs!" "This is the last time" "They're too small." "This is the last time" "By the time you know you have them, it's too late." "This is the last time" "Did you hear about that guy?" "This is the last time" "He started with all the itching, and then he got an infection" "This is the last time" "Right, and then he had his hand cut off." "This is the last time" "You heard that story?" "This is the last time" "Yes, but it's an urban myth." "This is the last time" "But i agree." "I agree." "This is the last time" "Don't take any chances." "This is the last time" "The exterminator comes in one hour." "This is the last time" "I am going to stay at my cousin's in riverdale." "This is the last time" "When she steals her kids' ritalin," "This is the last time" "She's really fun." "This is the last time" "So i'll see you kids in two days." "This is the last time" "Good luck." "This is the last time" "Ugh!" "Oh, you're looking at me like i have cooties." "Ugh!" "You don't, do you?" "Ugh!" "No, the bedbugs were most definitely" "Ugh!" "Not in our apartment." "Ugh!" "I am completely bedbug free." "Ugh!" "Well, we'll see about that." "Ugh!" "I'm gonna have to do a thorough physical examination." "Ugh!" "Are you sure your roommates won't mind if i stay?" "Ugh!" "No, of course not." "They love you." "Ugh!" "But you should probably take a really hot shower" "Ugh!" "And shave off all your body hair before you come over." "Ugh!" "All of it." "You wish." "All of it." " I'm serious." " Come on, dude." "(woman) ¶ running, running, running, running, running behind ¶" "¶ yeah, i'm always really running behind, yo ¶" "(woman) ¶ running, running, running, running, running behind ¶" "¶ running, running, running, running, running behind ¶" "(woman) ¶ running, running, running, running, running behind ¶" "¶ yeah, i'm always really running behind, yo ¶" "(woman) ¶ running, running, running, running, running behind ¶" "¶ ¶" "(woman) ¶ running, running, running, running, running behind ¶" "[laughs]" "How did this happen?" "[laughs]" "Joanne from my book clu--uh, the-- [laughs]" "I mean, that suburban book club [laughs]" "Must have started a campaign." "[laughs]" "There's, like, over 100 of these." "[laughs]" "Liza, do you realize what you've done?" "[laughs]" "This is real." "[laughs]" "We have to tell charles." "[laughs]" "So i need those ppbs on my desk" "By the end of the week." "So i need those ppbs on my desk" "That's all i have." "Any other business?" "So i need those ppbs on my desk" "As a matter of fact, our very own liza miller" "So i need those ppbs on my desk" "Found a book in the slush pile," "So i need those ppbs on my desk" "And it's suddenly getting a lot of attention." "So i need those ppbs on my desk" "Really?" "So i need those ppbs on my desk" "How's that?" "So i need those ppbs on my desk" "Well..." "This book is incredible." "Well..." "It's an epic, multigenerational tale" "Well..." "Of this southern family." "Well..." "I had an inkling it might play well" "Well..." "In the suburban book club crowd," "Well..." "So i sent it to one." "Well..." "After we agreed upon that strategy." "Well..." "E-exactly." "Well..." "I feel it's always good to keep a finger" "Well..." "On the suburban pulse." "Well..." "Yes, she does." "Well..." "Anyway," "Well..." "As it turns out, they loved it." "Well..." "They raved about it on goodreads," "Well..." "And then other suburban book clubs started to read it," "Well..." "And now there's actually a campaign" "Well..." "To get us to publish it." "Well..." "The book is called thescarf," "Well..." "And people have been sending in their scarves" "Well..." "All morning." "Well..." "I, uh--i'm impressed." "Get me a copy." "I, uh--i'm impressed." "I'll read it tonight." "I, uh--i'm impressed." "And we will talk in the morning." "I, uh--i'm impressed." "Nice job, liza." "I, uh--i'm impressed." "And me." "I, uh--i'm impressed." "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "Um, i told you i was." "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "I thought you were joking." "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "And what on earth made you think" "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "It was appropriate to go to charles directly?" "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "You girls in your 20s have absolutely no boundaries." "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "I'm sorry." "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" ""i'm sorry" doesn't fix anything." "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "Get me a copy asap." "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "And clean up those damn scarves." "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "Cubicle looks like a stevie nicks estate sale." "Since when do you read books from the slush pile?" "Well, that can't be good." "No, no, no, no." "Well, that can't be good." "We are not gonna let her kill this buzz." "Well, that can't be good." "We're gonna go out and celebrate tonight." "Well, that can't be good." "Thad and i will take josh and you out to dinner." "Well, that can't be good." "Oh, no, no, you don't have to do that." "Well, that can't be good." "Yeah, we do." "Well, that can't be good." "It's about time we have a proper double date anyway." "Well, that can't be good." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Liza miller." "A toast to my friend and mentee" " Mentee?" " Yeah, that's not a word." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Absolutely not a word." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "To a long and successful editorial career." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "You know what?" "A toast to my friend and mentee" "It's only a matter of time" "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Before she and i are running empirical together." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Oh, guys, look!" "A toast to my friend and mentee" "The placemats list the relationship compatibility" "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Of all the signs on the chinese zodiac." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Uh-oh." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Let's see if we're compatible, huh?" "A toast to my friend and mentee" "(josh) i am the year of the horse." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Yeah, that's what i heard." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "(josh) and you're the year of the dragon." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Oh, no, it's not a good match." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "(liza) no, no, no, we are a good match." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "I'm the year of the ti..." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Phoid scare of 1988, which also" "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Happens to be the year of the dragon." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "So yup." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Oh, wow, look." "Yup, it's true." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "We're horrible, terrible." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Oh, we're the worst match." "Oh, wow." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "What you gonna do?" "A toast to my friend and mentee" "I don't care about what this placemat says." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "I've always had a thing for dragons." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "By the way, just for the record," "A toast to my friend and mentee" "The snake really goes with the rabbit." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "Hey, just like that thing you keep by your bed." "A toast to my friend and mentee" "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "Why can't i talk about your vibrator?" "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "To kelsey's vibrator." "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "To kelsey's vibrator." "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "Yay!" "Oh, come on, kelsey." "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "You got to give it up for that." "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "[chuckles] okay, guys, night-night." "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "Don't you let the bedbugs" "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "Stop." "Don't remind me." "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "(josh) yo, thanks for coming to brooklyn." "What?" "You were talking about his dong." " Good night, you guys." " See you next time." "What?" "You were talking about his dong." "Hey, can we not mention" "The whole bedbug thing to my roommates?" "Hey, can we not mention" "They may not know how to clean a toilet," "Hey, can we not mention" "But they will freak out about those little suckers." "Hey, can we not mention" "Of course." "Hey, can we not mention" "Hey, did you get your bedroom door fixed yet?" "Hey, can we not mention" "Yes, i fixed it yesterday." "Hey, can we not mention" "Oh, thank god." "Hey, can we not mention" "I was afraid i wasn't going to get any sleep." "Hey, can we not mention" "You still may not get any sleep." "Hey, can we not mention" "Mm." "Hey, can we not mention" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "No, no, behind your back." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "The guy with the machete." "Come on, man!" "(man) dude, no, no, no." " Oh!" " Ooh!" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "[men talking]" "(man) dude, no, no, no." " Wow." " Jesus." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Yo, what are you guys doing?" "(man) dude, no, no, no." " Hey!" " Hey!" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "What's up, man?" "(man) dude, no, no, no." " Good to see you." " Good to see you." "(man) dude, no, no, no." " What's up?" " It's good to see you, bro." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Yeah, we got bored with philly," "(man) dude, no, no, no." "So we decided to drive up here the last minute and... (man) dude, no, no, no." " Crash." " Just crash." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Nice." "That's great." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Oh, and who do we have here?" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "This is liza." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "This is jimmy z." "This is ryan." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "They used to live in the neighborhood." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Nice to meet you, girl." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "[liza laughs]" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Yo, that's good." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "So is this your new girlfriend?" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Uh... (man) dude, no, no, no." "I--we're..." "Hanging out?" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Right?" "(man) dude, no, no, no." " Hanging out?" " Yeah." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Yeah, okay." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Uh, even though, according to the chinese zodiac," "(man) dude, no, no, no." "We're not even compatible." "(man) dude, no, no, no." "I know, right?" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "What you gonna do?" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "I'm gonna--i'm gonna" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "I'm just gonna-- [clears throat]" "(man) dude, no, no, no." "Okay, there's a situation in that toilet." "Serious--seriously?" "Okay, there's a situation in that toilet." "Come on, du-- whose is it?" "Okay, there's a situation in that toilet." "Gabe was there last." "(gabe) no, roman went in after me." "Gabe was there last." "I did not!" "What?" "Gabe was there last." "Okay, it was me." "Gabe was there last." "I tried flushing three times." "It wouldn't go down." "Gabe was there last." "I'm not a toilet wizard!" "Gabe was there last." "You plunge, bro, all right?" "Gabe was there last." "You plunge." "Gabe was there last." "I'm gonna go use" "Gabe was there last." "The restaurant bathroom downstairs." "Gabe was there last." "That is a great idea." "Gabe was there last." "Oh, hey, hey, will you pick up" "Gabe was there last." "A roll of toilet paper while you're down there?" "Gabe was there last." "Yeah, and imodium for my diarrhea, please." "Gabe was there last." "I'll do the best i can." "Gabe was there last." " I'm sorry." " It's okay." "Gabe was there last." "[door closes]" "Gabe was there last." "Yo, that--that wasn't that weird, right?" "Gabe was there last." "The whole girlfriend thing?" "Gabe was there last." "No, that was totally weird, dude." "Gabe was there last." "Yeah, it was" "Gabe was there last." "(jimmy) you could not be more screwed, bro, yeah." "Gabe was there last." "[weakly] coffee." "Oh, my god." "[weakly] coffee." "You look so tired." "[weakly] coffee." "Ugh." "I know." "[weakly] coffee." "Late night with josh?" "[weakly] coffee." "Not in a good way." "[weakly] coffee." "His friends drove up from philly [weakly] coffee." "To vape weed and play videogames very loudly." "[weakly] coffee." "I don't know i'm gonna stay there another night." "[weakly] coffee." "Stay with lauren and me." "[weakly] coffee." " Really?" " Yeah." "I'm sure it'll be all right." " Really?" " Yeah." "Oh, my god, that would be amazing." " Really?" " Yeah." "Thank you so much." " Really?" " Yeah." "(charles) liza." " Really?" " Yeah." "I took a look at the scarf," " Really?" " Yeah." "And i found it very readable." " Really?" " Yeah." "Really?" "Oh, i'm so glad." " Really?" " Yeah." "Good eye." " Really?" " Yeah." "Kelsey, you have my permission" " Really?" " Yeah." "To contact the author and make an offer." " Really?" " Yeah." "Excellent." " Really?" " Yeah." "[squeaking quietly]" "(meredith) so the question becomes, [squeaking quietly]" "When did lear's madness actually begin?" "[squeaking quietly]" "Was it after the entrance of edgar?" "[squeaking quietly]" "Put your cell phones away," "Or i will cut your thumbs off." "Put your cell phones away, [cell phone buzzing]" "Put your cell phones away," "Hello?" "Meredith?" "Hello?" "Yes." "Hello?" " This is liza miller." " And kelsey peters." "Hello?" "We're calling from empirical press," "Hello?" "And we have some very good news for you." "Hello?" "We have read your copy of the scarf" "Hello?" "That you submitted," "Hello?" "And we would like to make you an offer." "Hello?" "If you pull another stunt like this, cece," "Hello?" "I will see you in hell." "Hello?" "(liza) no, wait, this isn't cece." "Hello?" "This really is liza miller from empirical press," "Hello?" "And we really do want to publish your book." "Hello?" "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "We would love to meet with you in person." "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "How soon can you come in?" "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "Uh..." "Where are you?" "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "(liza) we're midtown." "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "Uh, i'm in yonkers." "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "How about an hour?" "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "(liza) that's great." "See you then." "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "Whoo!" "[laughs]" "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "Somebody wants to publish my novel." "Seriously?" " Yes, seriously." "Roll that in your shakespeare and smoke it." "These stories were passed down in my family" "From generation to generation." "These stories were passed down in my family" "I always wanted to write it," "These stories were passed down in my family" "But then i got married." "These stories were passed down in my family" "I got a job as a teacher." "These stories were passed down in my family" "And between grading papers and raising four kids," "These stories were passed down in my family" "There was no time to write." "These stories were passed down in my family" "Yet i was determined this story must be told," "These stories were passed down in my family" "So i set aside one hour a day" "These stories were passed down in my family" "Between midnight and 1:00 a.M." "These stories were passed down in my family" "That was all i could do, but i did it!" "These stories were passed down in my family" "Every day." "These stories were passed down in my family" "It took 12 long years, but, by god, i finished it." "These stories were passed down in my family" "Can i just say you are my new hero?" "These stories were passed down in my family" "In my humble opinion," "You could be the next kathryn stockett." "In my humble opinion," "I mean, this could be another sleeper hit," "In my humble opinion," "Just like the help." "In my humble opinion," "Well, that all works for me. [laughs]" "In my humble opinion," "That is the best feeling in the world." "[laughs]" "That is the best feeling in the world." "Every once in a while, we get reminded" "That is the best feeling in the world." "That what we do is pretty magical." "That is the best feeling in the world." "I don't know what i'm more excited about at this point:" "That is the best feeling in the world." "Making that woman's life or getting a good night's sleep." "That is the best feeling in the world." "Are you sure it's okay" "That is the best feeling in the world." "That i stay the night with you guys?" "That is the best feeling in the world." "It's okay." "I checked." "That is the best feeling in the world." "And you are going to love todd and denise." "That is the best feeling in the world." "Who are todd and denise?" "That is the best feeling in the world." " Hey!" " Hi, sweetheart." "That is the best feeling in the world." " Hello." " Hi, welcome." "That is the best feeling in the world." " Come on up, honey." " Come on up." "That is the best feeling in the world." "(todd) get up here." "That is the best feeling in the world." "Wow, you live with lauren's parents?" "That is the best feeling in the world." "Did i not mention that?" "That is the best feeling in the world." "Come on." "(todd) get on up here." "Come on." "Come on." "It's my second daughter." "Look at her." "Come on." " Hi, honey." " You need a better coat." "Come on." " Get up here!" " Come on." "Come on." "It's so great to finally meet you." "This is where we live." "I design jewelry." "It's so great to finally meet you." "Todd has a small hedge fund." "It's so great to finally meet you." "Small?" "It's not that small." "It's so great to finally meet you." "It is not small, and i can attest to that." "It's so great to finally meet you." "So happy you're here." "It's so great to finally meet you." "I feel like" "It's so great to finally meet you." "I'm running some cool sorority house." "It's so great to finally meet you." "You can stay as long as you want." "It's so great to finally meet you." "I mean, ask her." "It's so great to finally meet you." "No, it's good." "I don't mind." "It's so great to finally meet you." "I love being a den mother." "It's so great to finally meet you." "We'll get her towels." "It's so great to finally meet you." "All right, yours are the pink towels, all right?" "It's so great to finally meet you." "Don't use the wrong color." "It's so great to finally meet you." "Rosa gets furious." "It's so great to finally meet you." "Rosa." "It's so great to finally meet you." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Um, two years?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Two years?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Well, it started out we were just gonna stay" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Until we found a place." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "But then we realized we're never gonna be able" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "To live in manhattan with our salaries." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Rosa does all of our laundry." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Denise is like the jewish mother that i never had." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "And the alternative is, well, bedbugs." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Don't make me unleash them on you." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "I am their queen now." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "[shrieks]" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "(denise) oh, the scarf!" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "I can't wait to read this." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "I'm gonna give it to my friend" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "On the real housewives ofnewyork." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" " [gasps] - she won't read it." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "I mean, she doesn't really read or see peripheral" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Since her last eye tuck." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "But she can hold it up on camera." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Oh, my god." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "That would be amazing." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Right?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" " [scoffs] - what?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Josh." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Junk shot?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Well, i want to see." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Oh, that is his idea of sexting?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" " Not usually." " Well, what is it?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Piece of poop." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Ew." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Wait, wait, are you into that?" "No judgment." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "[laughs] no." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "No, it was an inside joke thing." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "There was, like, a" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Ah, never mind." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Okay, you're all red." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Is josh your boyfriend?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Uh..." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "We're hanging out." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Hanging out?" "Oh, god." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "What is it with" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Hanging out is not a thing, okay?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "What is it with you girls?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "It's like tinder this, snapchat that." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "The world is not one big booty call." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "And they're great together." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "I keep telling her she needs to lock it down." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "And i keep telling her she doesn't." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Yeah, and don't listen to her." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "She will sleep with anything that moves, right?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Male, female," "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Trans, amphibian..." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "That's what we should all be doing." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "The world would be a far better place" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "If everyone was polyamorous," "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "You and dad included." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Oh, please don't put that vision in my head," "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "All right?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "It's bad enough i have to picture him" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Having sex with me." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Look, i'm in no rush." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "And i have absolutely no interest" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "In pressuring josh." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Okay, then." "Don't answer that text." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Right?" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Let him chase you." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Men love the chase." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Promise me you're not gonna answer that text" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "Till tomorrow morning." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "You're right." "I won't." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "I am absolutely not answering that text." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" " Promise?" " Of course." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "I don't believe you." "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" "[laughter]" "How long have you been living with lauren's parents?" " Oh." " Oh, sorry." "She has you in here?" " Oh." " Oh, sorry." "Uh, yeah." " Oh." " Oh, sorry." "Okay." " Oh." " Oh, sorry." " You warm enough?" " Yup." " Oh." " Oh, sorry." "Not too warm?" " Oh." " Oh, sorry." "I will--i can open the window." " Oh." " Oh, sorry." " You want met to-- - no, just fine." " Oh." " Oh, sorry." "Okay." " Oh." " Oh, sorry." "Do you need any water or anything?" "Water..." "Do you need any water or anything?" "No, i'm good." "Do you need any water or anything?" "Almond milk, soy milk, something like that?" "Do you need any water or anything?" "No, thank you." "Do you need any water or anything?" "Well, i'll be right next door if you need anything," "Anything at all." "Well, i'll be right next door if you need anything," "Okey-dokey." "Well, i'll be right next door if you need anything," "Well, text from lauren." "Denise loved you," "Well, text from lauren." "And todd says come back any time." "Well, text from lauren." "[laughs uncomfortably]" "Well, text from lauren." "That's--that's so nice." "Well, text from lauren." "Oh, how cute." "Well, text from lauren." "Did you two walk to work together?" "Well, text from lauren." "Actually, we had a slumber party." "Well, text from lauren." "[both laugh]" "Well, text from lauren." " Funny story-- - no time." "Well, text from lauren." "We have a meeting scheduled with meredith montgomery." "Well, text from lauren." "Oh, wait." "When?" "Well, text from lauren." "Now." "I set it up." "Well, text from lauren." "Maybe you forgot." "I still run the marketing department." "Maybe you forgot." "Oh, you must be meredith." "Diana trout." "Oh, you must be meredith." "You wanted me in on this?" "Oh, you must be meredith." "Oh, yes, this is our publisher," "Oh, you must be meredith." "Charles brooks." "Oh, you must be meredith." "I loved your book." "Oh, you must be meredith." "I think we're going to have a big success on our hands." "Oh, you must be meredith." "Thank you." "Oh, you must be meredith." "Yes, the scarf is a compelling read." "Oh, you must be meredith." "But it was more compelling" "Oh, you must be meredith." "The first time it was published," "Oh, you must be meredith." "As the babushka." "Oh, you must be meredith." "I'm sure i don't know what you're talking about." "What are you talking about?" "I'm sure i don't know what you're talking about." "Thebabushka by anna cleveman daniels," "I'm sure i don't know what you're talking about." "A little-read book written back in the '80s" "I'm sure i don't know what you're talking about." "About a jewish family" "I'm sure i don't know what you're talking about." "Chronicling their five generations" "I'm sure i don't know what you're talking about." "And the babushka they passed down." "I'm sure i don't know what you're talking about." "I haven't heard of that book, so..." "I'm sure i don't know what you're talking about." "Oh, really?" "Perhaps i can refresh your memory." ""the severity often differs," "Perhaps i can refresh your memory." ""even the location of the wound." "Perhaps i can refresh your memory." ""but what's never changed is the fact" "Perhaps i can refresh your memory." ""that he was a russian cossack." "Perhaps i can refresh your memory." ""and my grandfather, the boy who saved his life," "Perhaps i can refresh your memory." "Was the shtetl bugler."" "Perhaps i can refresh your memory." "(kelsey) oh, my god." "Perhaps i can refresh your memory." "That's the same first line," "Only more ethnic." "That's the same first line," "Shall i continue?" "Do you mean the whole thing is" "Shall i continue?" "A total rip-off." "The story's exactly the same." "Shall i continue?" "Is this true?" "Shall i continue?" "Uh, well, i, um..." "Shall i continue?" "Uh..." "Shall i continue?" "Oh, all right, you know what?" "I'm sorry." "Oh, all right, you know what?" "I was desperate." "Oh, all right, you know what?" "I have written 13 novels." "Oh, all right, you know what?" "I have tried every genre under the sun:" "Oh, all right, you know what?" "Fairy tales, romance, vampire porn." "Oh, all right, you know what?" "And then i just happened upon a box with some old books" "Oh, all right, you know what?" "In a storage closet in the school library," "Oh, all right, you know what?" "And there it was." "Oh, all right, you know what?" "Thebabushka." "It has been out of print for years." "Thebabushka." "So i thought if i put my own family history in it," "Thebabushka." "Doesn't that count for something?" "Thebabushka." "We can't make a deal" "On a book that's been plagiarized." "We can't make a deal" "Liza?" "Kelsey?" "How'd this happen?" "We can't make a deal" "We used all the normal search protocols." "We can't make a deal" "Well, thankfully, i dug deeper." "We can't make a deal" "This could have been a problem." "So, diana, i am thankful." "This could have been a problem." "Well, you're welcome, charles." "This could have been a problem." "I apologize for letting my assistant" "Get off her leash like that." "I apologize for letting my assistant" " I am so-- - shh!" "Quiet." "I apologize for letting my assistant" "Better luck next time." "Well, i think we're done here." "Better luck next time." "Cancel her car service." "I'll be in my office if you need me." "Cancel her car service." "I'm sorry." "It's just, you start to lie," "I'm sorry." "And then slowly but surely," "I'm sorry." "It takes on a life of its own." "I'm sorry." "It's like you almost begin to believe it." "I'm sorry." "I wouldn't expect you to understand." "I'm sorry." "I understand more than you could know." "I'm sorry." "Was she serious about the car service?" "I'm afraid so." "Was she serious about the car service?" "Oh, shit." "Was she serious about the car service?" " Hey." " Hey." "Welcome home, roomie." " Hey." " Hey." "Aw." " Hey." " Hey." " I missed you." " I missed you too." " Hey." " Hey." "No, i really missed you." " Hey." " Hey." "My cousin, she has sleep apnea," " Hey." " Hey." "And she snores like a dying bear." " Hey." " Hey." "Please, josh had clogged toilets" " Hey." " Hey." "In that frat house he calls an apartment," " Hey." " Hey." "And lauren's dad totally creeped me out." " Hey." " Hey." "Okay, you win." "All right." " Hey." " Hey." "Here, let's make a toast to a bedbug-less existence." " Hey." " Hey." "Aw, at least i have that." " Hey." " Hey." "What happened?" " Hey." " Hey." "It was a tough day at work." " Hey." " Hey." "That author i thought i discovered?" " Hey." " Hey." "Turns out she's a total fraud." " Hey." " Hey." "Are you kidding me?" " Hey." " Hey." "Nope, plagiarized the entire book." " Hey." " Hey." "Thescarf totally unraveled." " Hey." " Hey." "Bad pun intended." " Hey." " Hey." "Oh, my god, i'm so sorry, sweetie." " Hey." " Hey." "Yeah, well, as disappointing as it is" " Hey." " Hey." "To realize you've been championing a fraud," " Hey." " Hey." "It's even tougher to realize you are one." " Hey." " Hey." "Oh, come on, now." "Don't be so hard on yourself." " Hey." " Hey." "It's not like your lie is hurting anybody." " Hey." " Hey." "[moans softly]" " Hey." " Hey." "I'm not so sure about that." " Hey." " Hey." "[door buzzer buzzing]" " Hey." " Hey." "What?" "(kelsey) hey, come down here!" "We're at the bar next door." "(kelsey) hey, come down here!" "We're gonna help you liquor your wounds." "(kelsey) hey, come down here!" "Okay." " Ugh!" " Hey." "I am so sorry." "Come here." " Ugh!" " Hey." "Hey, your eye was good." " Ugh!" " Hey." "And you're gonna get another book." " Ugh!" " Hey." "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "So nice knowing you guys." "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "[laughs]" "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "I'm sorry you got lied to." "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "Totally sucks." "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "Hey, um..." "[sighs]" "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "I have to tell you something." "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "That's funny, because i have something to tell you too." "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." " I need to go first." " No, just let me go first." "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." " Josh-- - just listen to me, all right?" "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "It's been bugging me for two days." "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "The truth is, is i think that we're doing" "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "A little bit more than just hanging out," "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "All right?" "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "I--i've never really been much for words." "I ordered 14 different kinds of tequila." "I'm more of a man of symbols." "Oh." "I'm more of a man of symbols." "That's nice." "I'm more of a man of symbols." "It's you." "I'm more of a man of symbols." "It's me?" "I'm more of a man of symbols." "Yeah, it's a dragon." "I'm more of a man of symbols." "Oh, my god, it's for your birth year." "I'm more of a man of symbols." "Oh, my god." "I'm more of a man of symbols." "What do you think?" "I'm more of a man of symbols." "I'm..." "I'm more of a man of symbols." "Sp-speechless." "I'm more of a man of symbols." "(woman) ¶ oh, why can't you be happy with me?" "¶" "I'm more of a man of symbols." "¶ every day we are running round ¶" "I'm more of a man of symbols." "¶ trapped in our seat ¶" "I'm more of a man of symbols." "¶ oh, why can't you be happy with me?" "¶" "I'm more of a man of symbols."