"So, um, Laurie's almost all packed." "I can't believe my little girl is moving out." "Which reminds me" "When are you leaving?" "." "Never, 'cause I love it here!" "Right." "Kitty, doyou really think this is a good idea?" "." "I mean, it might be a little soon for her to be on her own." "Red, she is gonna be fine." "She's gonna split rent with a girlfriend." " She doesn't even have a job!" " Well, she is gonna get a job." "Oh, that reminds me-- Uh, can I have her room?" "." "No, I already gave it to Steven." "But I'm your son..." "Daddy." " Oh, man, would you look at this place?" "." "It's kinda girlie." " It's a girl's room, Hyde." "Oh, so all those guys, theywere just passing through?" "." "Well, that's over." "Welcome to Hydeville, baby." "You know, ifl cared about this dump at all, that would totally creep me out." "Come on, Laurie." "You're gonna miss your room." "It's not likeyou have no feelings..." "ever... about anything." "Yes!" "[ Giggling ] I'm so psyched!" "Oh, did you finally figure out how a thermos works?" "." "No, I'm psyched about your new place, you know?" "." "'Cause wheneverwe fool around here I'm always afraid that Jackie's gonna catch us." "I don't wanna hurt her, 'cause I love her." "You know?" "." "So this is great." "It solves everything." "Kelso, you are not allowed..." " anywhere near my new place ever!" " Laurie" "You know what?" "." "You freaks, you got about two minutes to deal with this little drama here." "Then get the hell out of my room!" "Whoa." "I see what's going on here." "You're breaking up with me." "No, for me to break up with you, there would have to be something between us to break." "Oh!" "Uh" " I cannot believe thatyou are being such a" " Bitch?" "." "Duh!" "Look, Kelso, it was fun and sweaty and all... butyou're just the guy I fooled around with when there was nothing good on TV." "Sorry." "Well, maybe there won't be anything good on TV atyour new place!" "Aw, damn!" "There's always somethin' good on TV!" "Hangin'out" "Downthestreet" "Thesameoldthing" "Wedidlastweek" "Nota thingto do" "Buttalktoyou" "We'reallallright" "Hello, Wisconsin!" "Hey, Kelso, look who's here." "I t's J ackie." "Hi, Jackie." "God, Laurie, I can't believe you're moving." "I know we didn't spend much time together... but I think some of my good taste was rubbing off on you, and I'm so happy for that." "Thanks,Jackie." "I'm gonna miss you too." "Oh, hey, Kelso, I almost forgot." "I found a T-shirt ofyours when I was cleaning out my room." "Say, how'd that get there?" "." "That's funny." "Huh!" "N-No, this isn't even mine." "Yeah, I know." "This must be Eric's shirt." "Your Mom sewed your name in it, Michael." "Man, Eric's gonna be pissed, huh?" "." "Jackie, I" " See, I borrowed Eric's shirt, 'cause mine wasn't working right... and then my mom must've sewn my name in it." " Hmm, I don't know, Michael." " What, doyou think I'm lying?" "." "Jackie, ifl were lying, I'd come upwith a lot better lie than that." "Yeah, you'd think so." "So, Laurie's definitely moving out?" "." "And it's definitely over with her and Kelso?" "." "Well, she is moving all the way across town." "I mean, she is slutty, but..." " I mean, she hates to commute, so" " Good." "Good, because Kelso's a rat bastard, and I'm not covering for him." "Look, Donna-- [ Clears Throat ] relax." "It's over." "So now you can get back to pleasing your man." "Eric, please leave." "I have to talk to Donna alone." "Well, okay, 'cause, I mean, it's not like this is my home or any" "Eric!" "Hmm." "[ Sighing ]" "Jackie, you have something you want to ask me?" "." "See, I'm kind ofworried about Michael and Laurie." "I mean, she found his T-shirt in her room, and he said it wasn't his... even though it had his name in it." "At that time I believed him, but now I can't rememberwhy." "But ifthere is something going on, I think I want to know." "But I don'twant to know." "God, I don't even know ifl want to know." "You know?" "." "I'm supposed to say" "Donna, you're supposed to say that there's nothing going on... that Michael loves me, and we're together, and that's all that matters." " That sounds good." " God, you're so naive!" "Isn't there, like, someone else you could talk to about this?" "." "Yeah, well, I used to have this pen pal in Nicaragua... but she just stopped writing after this hurricane thingy." "Your new room is very pretty" "like a flower or a girl." "You know, people might see this room and thinkyou are a gay." "I don't think so, Fez." "Oh, Hyde, you would be surprised how easily people can make that mistake." " Hey, Hyde, thanks foryour help with Jackie, man." " Sure thing, man." "Okay, Hyde, doyou know what sarcasm is?" "." "No." " Hyde, man, you almost got me caught." " I almost got you caught?" "." ""My mom sewed my name in Eric's shirt"?" "." "You are so lame, man." "Well, you know, halfthe time you act likeyou want me to get caught." "Kelso, you're my friend." "I don't wantyou to get caught." "'Cause ifyou get caught, then my fun is over." "Okay?" "." "So I'm just trying to prolong your suffering." "Well, okay." "That's a little better." " All right." "Friends for life, baby." " Yeah." " Well, Steven's getting all settled in." " He better not change anything." "I don't want him messing with my little girl's room." "You know how he is-- messy, dirty, foul." " What ifshe has to move back home?" "." " Oh, Red, she is gonna be fine." "Oh, I know, Kitty." "You think that she's all grown up..." "But there's still a lot that she doesn't know." "I mean, what ifher place doesn't have a dead bolt or a smoke detector?" "." "Red, you don't have to baby her." "She's 20." "You're never too old to burn to death in a fire." "Ah, would you look at this?" "." "She even found a place in a nice neighborhood." "Ain't she something'?" "." "Well, I hope she hasn't had breakfastyet... or a fire." "Can I helpyou?" "." "Ehh, no." "We've got the wrong apartment, I guess." " Sorry." " Not a problem." "Now wait." "Is..." "Laurie there?" "." "Oh, yeah." "Uh, hold on a sec." "Honey?" "." "Oh." "Hi, Daddy." " Damn it all to hell!" " Honey, what's wrong?" "." "What's wrong?" "." "Everything is wrong." "Damn kids today." "Theywouldn't know responsibility ifit walked up and bit 'em in the ass!" "Get a job?" "." "Hah!" "It's just party all night... dance all day and sex everywhere in between." "Sickening!" " Laurie's living with a boy." " Yes. [ Clears Throat ]" "Just--Just one boy, right?" "." "Yeah, I think so." "Well, now, see?" "." "It could've been worse." "Laurie's busted." "This is-- and I don't think I'm exaggerating here-- the greatest day in the history oftime." "Except maybe the day cheese was invented." "I love the cheese." "Wow, man." "She's gone one day, and she's already got a new guy." "Kelso, you heartbreaker, you." "I'm having a horrible day." "I mean, Laurie's gone and Jackie's all suspicious of me." "And I'm gettin' no lovin'." "None." "I can't be me without loving'." "Kelso-- [ Sighs ] ifyou want to keepJackie, man-- and, trust me, you don't-- you gotta act innocent, okay?" "." "Let's practice." "So, did you fool around with Laurie?" "." "You know I did!" "Dumb-ass!" "No, man!" "Complete denial." "Watergate." "Learn." "[ Scoffs ]" "Did you fool around with Laurie?" "." "Yeah." "Wait, no." "I mean, no." "Wait, I mean, yeah." "Now, see, this isn't gonna work!" "It was just so perfect." "Ifl could go back in time, I'd just relive that moment over and over again." ""Hi, Daddy."" ""Hi, Daddy."" ""Hi, Daddy."" "Just tell Jackie the truth." "Then if she leaves you for another man... whoever he might be, no hard feelings." "You do not need Jackie-- sweet, luscious Jackie." "You are an evil, little, foreign man." "Don't ever change." "Look, Kelso, all right?" "." "I'll helpyou out with Jackie, man." "I'll talkyou through thewhole thing, step by step." "Thanks, man." "You know, I guess itwas wrong, what I did with Laurie." "But I was just amusing myself, you know?" "." "And that's the key to life, right?" "." "Never stop amusing yourself." "Unless it starts to chafe." "Then you should take a week off." "It's almost Tuesday, right?" "." "Eric, I'm asking you" "Have I been a bad father?" "." "Maybe I've been too hard on her." "I mean, for God's sakes..." "I think I'm a fair man." "Right?" "." "Eric, I'm talking toyou." "Does this need more mayonnaise?" "." " Get outta here!" " Thankyou." "Boy, Kitty, we got a pair to beat a full house, that's for sure." "Well, Red, relax." "You're overreacting." "I'm overreacting?" "." "Well, I'll tell you what, Kitty." "People are gonna talk." "Her living' with that guy?" "." "Red, it doesn't matter if people talk." "Laurie is still a part ofthis family... which is why I invited her to dinner tonight." "Oh, no, no, no, Kitty." "I'm not ready for that." "Oh, that's sweet-  the wayyou say that likeyou have a choice." " [ Clears Throat ]" "Look, Kitty" "She's coming." "Well, I'm glad we're all eating dinner together as a family." " Yeah, it's nice." " Mm-hmm." "Especially since Laurie could make it from all the way across town... where she lives... with some guy... in sin." " Areyou ever gonna hit puberty?" "." " Oh." "Ow." "But you know... what's really sad is thatyou got no respect foryourself..." " or this family." " Daddy!" "Well, he's not wrong." " But" " But Daddy" " Red!" "Well, Kitty, who's gonna buy the cow when they get the milk for free?" "." "You know-- [ Clears Throat ] Dad, it's not like she's hooking or some other less-bad example." "I mean, she's just living with a guy, and it is the '70s now, right?" "." " What areyou babbling about?" "." " Well, maybe-- maybe I just thinkyou're being a little hard on her." "Well, that's nice, Eric." "But right now I am too angry to pretend to give a crap about whatyou think!" "These are great potatoes, Mrs. Forman." "Mm!" "Thanks, Eric." "Yeah, sure." "Okay, why don'tyou boys takeyour plates in and watch some McMillan and Wifie?" "[ Laughs ]" "You know, just once today I'd like to finish a meal without getting chased out ofthe room." "Well, Laurie, you better stop your lying and face up to this one." "Just look at whatyou're doing toyour father." " Mom, I'm an adult, okay?" "." "No, no, no." "An adult would have told the truth... and not lied about moving in with a girlfriend, which I knew wasn't true." "Well, Mom, ifyou already knew, then why didn'tyou tell Dad?" "." "Then we wouldn't be in this mess!" "Oh, good God." "Rosemary had a better baby than me." "You've been acting kinda weird ever since Laurie gaveyou that T-shirt, Michael." "First off, act innocent." "I don't know whatyou're talking about,Jackie." "Of course, she'll explain herself." "It's likeyou're hiding something." "Butyou just stick toyour original story." "I'm sticking to my original story!" "Now, she'll be skeptical." "Uh-huh?" "." "So go on the offensive." "You know,Jackie, you're just being paranoid." "And that hurts, becauseyou don't trust me and other stuff." "And then she'll be so embarrassed, she'll cave and apologize toyou." "Fine." "I believeyou, Michael." "But know this:" "Ifyou're not telling the truth, I will find out." "'Cause I'm smart and you... aren't." "Then all you have to do is forgive her." "Okay,Jackie." "I forgiveyou." "[ Smacks Lips ] Red, I thinkyou're being a little hard on Laurie." "I don't care what anyone thinks." "What she is doing is wrong." "Now that I think back on it, I don't know ifl ever knew that girl." "Livin' with a guy." "Oh, is that a foreign car?" "." "Aw, geez!" "Red, you have goneyourwhole life thinking she is just a little girl." "But she is an adult now, and she is not a perfect one." "Boy, is she not a perfect one." "Butyou know what?" "." "You have to loveyour children even when they do things you don't like or, betteryet, hate." "You thinkyou do a good job." "You think thatyou teach your children... the difference between right and wrong, and this is whatyou get." " Well, the hell with it." " Okay, I guess we don't love her anymore." "Let's take all pictures of Laurie out ofhere and pretend she's not ours." "And ifwe see her on the street, let's ignore her." "No!" "Let's throw things at her." "Well, nowyou're just being stupid." "And you're... not being a good father." "Well... okay." "[ Clears Throat ] Maybe I have been, uh... kind of a" "A dumb-ass." " I was gonna say "unreasonable."" " Fine, fine." "You're an unreasonable dumb-ass." " Are you done now?" "." " I think I am." " The Bradys were such a nice family." "  [ TV]" "I bet Mr. Brady never grew to hate Marcia." "But then again, Marcia wasn't so whore-y." "[ Shakily] No, she reallywasn't." "What?" "." "No." "Come on." "This is our thing." "You love this." "I'm mean toyou." "You're mean to me." "So, come on." "Hit me." "Sorry." "I can't." "Not today." " Eric, you were just leaving." " [ Clicks TV Off]" " Dad, I think maybeyou should take it a little easy on" " Eric." " [ Coughs ]" " You're on your own." "Laurie, I've been, uh, thinking" "[ Clears Throat ] about the, uh-- the thing that happened... at the placeyou live." "And, uh, I want you to know that I understand thatyou're not my little girl anymore." " But I like being your little girl." " Butyou're not." "You're my daughter." "And you're a grown-up... who's going to do awful and stupid things." "But I'll still loveyou." "I loveyou too." "And I'm sorry." " So, Daddy, can I move back in?" "." " Oh, yeah. [ Chuckles ]" " Okay, good!" " [ Laughs ]" "Yeah." "Great to haveyou back." "So." "Your man-friend kicked you out, didn't he?" "." "No!" "He moved back in with his wife." "Well, I just" " I" " I need a little, yellow pill." " [Pounding] - [Laurie ] Hyde!" "Hyde!" "Come on, Hyde." "Get out!" "It's myroom!" "No!" "I'll never leave." "You're in the basement." "I'm the favorite now!" " [Pounding Continues ]" " Hyde, I'm serious!" "No!" "I've barricaded the door." "You'll never get in." "Aw, geez." "Tough break."