"My name is Henry Griffin." "I spent my whole life living in exotic places." "And I learned a great many things." "I also had a habit of getting into trouble..." "A lot of trouble." "So to keep me safe, my anthropologist parent shipped me off to the one place I never lived ..." "America." "Now I live with my uncle and cousin trying to fit in at Smithson High, a school inside the National Museum Complex" "I work in the school's basement where they store all kinds of weird stuff" "Where were you raised?" "In a cave?" "Only for a year." "Want to know what I learned so far?" "No matter how hard I have waited trouble always seems to find me." "Aah!" "Guess I am not the only one leashed to a noise machine." "Attention students." "Just a reminder next week the [inaudible] language club has been moved to Thursday." "Okay, if I can read hieroglyphics I can follow simple instructions." "Mm, not so bad." "Come on, come on." "Why can you not just get your work-study credits the normal way; by actually doing the work?" "This belongs in a helmet, not a hairnet." "Hunter we only have to run the café for another week then you can do whatever it is you want to do with your do." "Jaspar, your project manager; sign my time card so I can get to practice." "No, I already said no." "Well how about I stuff you in a locker and let you think it over?" "Keep your hands to yourself!" "I have seen that kind of aggressive behavior in low land apes." "What was that all about?" "Oh, if Hunter does not get at least B in practical econ he is off the team, but I have no intention of being his alibi." "It's good you stood your ground." "Yeah, I was not on the ground, but thanks anyway." "What is with the kitty cat toy?" "I am weaving a hammock for my expressive hands art class - sleeping in your old toddler bed isn't very tranquil." "I thought your parents were shipping your old hammock?" "Still have not heard from them?" "It's monsoon season where they are working; there is no way we could reach each other." "This is not over jungle boy - not by a country mile." "How far is that?" "It's the same as a regular mile, 1,609 meters." "Please pick up your eclipse glasses." "Looking forward to Friday's eclipse?" "Only for the last 8 years." "Do not forget these; your eyes will thank you when you are my age." "I am set, thanks professor DeGrut." "Hang on there bro, the e-reader too." "I dumped all the assigned reading material on it." "Well you know my class is a tech-free zone." "Jaspar, hope you do not mind holding a book with actual pages." "Hey Maggie." "Hey." "Oh sorry Greta, accident." "Not according to Freud." "As we learned in the last lecture, Herodotus is the" "Greek writer known as the father of history." "Can anyone tell me another not so nice name he was also called?" "No one; not even the brilliant Ms. Winnock?" "Maggie!" "Sorry, some people thought he made up too much history and called him the father of lies." "Correct." "Thoughts class?" "Well who might have called him a historian and who might have called him a liar?" "Are you okay?" "Of course." "Julie?" "Smart choice professor Tulin the turkey mango club is superb today." "Oh double latte on the house." "I do not mean to be the food pyramid police but just one of these sandwiches contains over" "500 calories, 50 grams of fat and..." "And 100% of my daily protein." "Stick that in your quinoa salad, you vega-totalitarian." "Hey what kind of prayer circle is that?" "Oh it's texting circle." "They are talking to each other on their cell phones." "But they are right next to each other." "You city dwellers have strange customs." "Sorry, but where I lived in China that is considered a compliment." "News flash beast from the east, you are not in China." "Hi Maggie what's up?" "Hopefully not my lunch and stop eating up our profits." "Professor Gardenhire will lose it if she finds out we are managing this place like a Wall St. hedge fund." "A walrus hedgehog?" "I just want to know what you are so upset about." "I never said I was upset." "Your shoulders are hunched; you have been pulling at your hair and biting your nails." "You are acting just like Rebecca." "Who is Rebecca?" "A baboon friend of mine in Tanzania." "She is a nervous wreck whenever anything unexpected happens in her territory." "Okay it's about the new plunder of the ancient world exhibit - this is going to sound crazy..." "Which is why you are only telling me." "Yes." "So there is this ruby..." "The fortuna, the one that is cursed." "It's not cursed, but some troubling things have happened since the exhibit opened." "Troubling as in..." "As in a fossilized bison horn fell off the display and cost a dentist his front teeth." "A steam heater broke and French-fried some" "Parisians and a bunch of rats attacked just when the Jonas Brothers were getting a private tour." "Mommy." "That doesn't sound cursed to you?" "The only curse is that the museum is losing customers every day because of the accidents." "You know what; never mind, forget I mentioned it." "Hey do not be so quick to dismiss to intuition." "It can be a roadmap which tells the mind where to go next." "We got a free period, we could come by and check things out." "Okay, but only if you promise not to touch anything." "Last week there was a line to get in here." "Obviously the situation has gone viral." "Well they should quarantine the museum." "Oh no, viral as in bloggers are warning people to stay away." "Bloggers as in journal...web as in...just tell us everything you know." "This ruby is called the fortuna after the Roman" "Goddess of fate." "Its origins are unknown but over the centuries it has belonged to Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar," "Marie Antoinette..." "We all know what kind of life they had - poisoned, stabbed, beheaded." "And what happened?" "It was lost during the Russian revolution and resurfaced 25 years ago." "The people who found it were killed the next day and in a freak accident." "That does not sound cursed to you?" "Nut jobs make the same 'it is cursed' claim about the Hope Diamond, Tut's tomb and the Chicago Cubs." "There is never any proof to back up those claims." "Maybe it's just simply a matter of being at the extreme end of the bell curve; some things like some people are just born unlucky." "Stones are not born Jaspar, they are created by pressure and thermal activity..." "What about my kidney stones because when I passed one it totally felt like I was giving birth." "So you would never consider that the relentlessly bloody history of this ruby may be something beyond explanation?" "I would consider it when I am 100 years old wearing a diaper and calling you mommy." "Of course the day you guys show up is the day nothing happens." "Sorry I wasted your spare period." "Don't sweat it; what are you doing for the eclipse?" "Watching it like everyone else who wants to witness the greatest natural phenomenon of the decade." "Yeah, I know right." "I actually meant like where and with whom?" "Where is a secret and with whom, we are in the same class;" "I think you can figure that one out." "He won't touch it will he?" "No, he is not completely uncivilized." "Security, grand lobby exhibit, Security grand lobby exhibit." "I am sorry, I am sorry, I slipped." "It was just an accident." "There is no need for that Officer." "My cousin is new here; he is not used to wearing shoes or whatever those smelling things are." "What are those?" "Well if the Dean's son and Ms. Winnock both vouch for you - false alarm." "It's all clear." "From now on please pay attention to our simple rules." "Yes sir, it will not happen again." "Where did it go?" "You touched the case, it drops into a biometric security vault where it stays until the curator resets the system." "It shouldn't be long." "Oh that was totally lucky." "It almost beamed you." "Look out!" "You okay?" "Yeah, thanks." "Hey guys, guys, it's over." "Maybe this will finally get the trustees to cough up some renovation funding." "Oh no, what is going on in that hyperactive brain of yours?" "I have not sensed an aura this primeval since I fell into the well of a thousand tears in the great pyramids." "I knew it; you are going to dig deeper into this, aren't you?" "He is not the only one." "Don't do this Hunter." "Do what; get back to you for making me look like an idiot in front of the entire school?" "Both of you step back." "Drinking too much hatorade again?" "No sir, that anger management course you made me take last year really changed my life." "From what I just saw, you are wearing that uniform for the last time." "What is going on here?" "Hunter thought I should try out for the team, but I was too shy to practice on the field." "You were too shy?" "We needed to see if I could take hit or not." "Yeah." "And what did you learn?" "If I am going to play the game I need to work on my blind side." "You are playing the game alright, only it's not football." "Just because you are the quarterback do not think you can sneak a 2.4 GPA past me." "You could have got me suspended." "What are you up to?" "Peace, brother, nothing more." "I once met a one-armed Inuit man who told me revenge is a fish best left in the igloo." "Today's foe may be tomorrow's friend." "I don't get it." "It means, an eye for an eye just blinds everybody." "But you said he lost an arm." "It's a metaphor Hunter." "If football is so important to you, put in your hours at the café like the rest of us." "What does a king who has everything want?" "Gold, gold, more gold." "Whatever he touched turned to gold." "But think about it; is that really a gift or more like a curse?" "A curse." "He could not even eat a sardine without it instantly becoming metal." "Forget holding food; what about when he had to take a leak?" "Definitely a curse." "I disagree." "Although it's a sad morality tale, it's still just a myth." "Do you not believe in any myths?" "Scientific evidence, empirical conclusions, logic, not magic, is what is real." "Thoughts class?" "Do you love your parents?" "Of course I do." "Can you prove it?" "Interesting point Mr. Griffin; please elaborate." "Just because you cannot prove something does not mean it's not real;" "like love, hope, faith, even luck." "Speaking of parents Jaspar said you are having trouble reaching yours." "Yeah, uh, I have tried, they have tried, but somehow we keep missing each other." "So it's just a bit of bad luck." "No, between the time difference, satellite interference, weather ..." "In other words there is a logical explanation just like what is happening at the museum has nothing to do with that over hyped ruby." "I am open-minded." "Explain all the logic in those accidents?" "I can't Henry, not yet;" "but I do know it has nothing to do with a curse." "I never said it was cursed." "I said it was possible." "The rubies origins are still a mystery right and until we dig up more information on it..." "Whoa, guys, guys, just chill." "We all want the same thing, to figure out what is going on and make the museum safe again." "You don't think I am already on it?" "Trust me, I am." "Okay." "Expect to hear from me soon." "Expect to hear from me sooner." "But what...?" "Henry check this out;" "I think there are some pictures in there you want to see." "Wow!" "Oh an original Sanskrit Hitopadesha." "What?" "An ancient book of legends." "My dead language skills are not what they used to be... this fable is about a cursed stone borne" "5,000 years ago during a total eclipse." "I told Maggie stones could be born." "In the great battle between the sun and the moon for control of the skies an orb of power was cast from the heavens." "Born of beauty and blood it brought ruin and misfortune to all who possessed it." "That looks exactly like the fortuna ruby, right down to the lightning bolt flare." "What's your cell phone doing in the trash?" "It's broken or something." "It's working fine;" "Maggie sent you a text?" "See I told you it was broken." "You know for someone who reads Sanskrit you sure are illiterate." "Look for your eyes only, meet me in the boiler room right now, don't be late." "Boiler room; why would she want to meet there?" "Because it's private and because it's dark and because that is where teenagers go to..." "Go to?" "Never mind I got the same text." "She must have found something." "These are the heating lines for the museum's ground floor." "Al these gauges look prehistoric; all except..." "One that controls that the plunder exhibit." "I don't get it." "The faceplate has been changed and so has the main valve." "So what?" "So the only new meter just happened to be the one that blew?" "That is no accident." "That is no curse." "That is tampering." "Maybe it's just a cheap replacement part?" "Maybe except for the reason I came down here in the first place." "What if the light did not fall down because it's old?" "What if the anchor bolts were intentionally stripped?" "You know she may be right." "Every accident, the falling horn, the busted heater, the rat attack on the Joni, the crashing chandelier... that could have all been orchestrated by someone." "But why would anybody want to scare people away from the museum?" "Km, that is a brain strainer - to steal a two zillion dollar ruby?" "It cannot be stolen though." "You saw what happened when I touched the case." "That's true - day, night tourist, no tourist." "That ruby is not going anywhere but straight down into the vault." "Okay." "If we cannot figure out how somebody might steal it, maybe we can figure out who." "Oh don't do that." "Strolund's a gum chewer is he not?" "I suppose so why?" "Are you hot?" "Not according to dweebs on that sketchy website." "I mean are you getting hot?" "It's a boiler room!" "It's beginning to feel more like a sauna." "Why is it rising?" "Time to go." "Don't bother, it's jammed." "What do you mean; how could it be jammed?" "Somebody's been down here." "The emergency shutoff switch is broken and so is the handle." "Oh, is there another way out?" "Zero bars - we are too deep." "Either this is a warning or somebody is trying to kill us." "Or the ruby's bad luck signal is reaching us loud and clear." "We won't survive past 140 degrees." "Can't break down a one-tonne door with a hollow pipe;" "the laws of physics will not allow it." "Well bees cannot fly because they violate some other dynamic theory." "That is an urban legend." "This actually is impossible." "Napoleon said impossible is a word found only in the dictionary of fools." "Nelson Mandela said it's always impossible until it is done." "Confucius says to define the future we must learn from the past." "Okay, how are we learning from the past by doing the exact same thing?" "You're right; does anybody have chopsticks?" "What?" "What?" "Never mind, just aim for the latch." "It's the weak point." "Good thing you were making your rounds down there officer Strolund." "You are a lifesaver yet again." "Just doing my job." "Maggie, I expect more from you." "Jaspar, man up, you do not have to do everything anyone asks you to do." "And Henry, you are not in the jungle so you don't have to go jungle anymore." "You could have killed Officer Strolund with that battering ram." "He could have killed us." "If someone is trying to plunk you perhaps it's one of your football friends instead of one of our employees." "You don't think there is any validity to our evidence?" "You mean your conspiracy theory?" "No." "Maintenance replaced that meter last summer and as for your stripped volts it is a clavo - decorative nail." "It does not hold up anything." "Anyway it's all moot." "The plunder exhibit's being packed up and shipped off first thing in the morning." "Too many lawsuits, too few visitors." "That is the first sensible thing I have heard in days." "Please don't blame the boys Dean, I pulled them into this." "It's my fault." "I am sorry, I will see you soon." "It wasn't a total waste - Margaret Winnock actually made a mistake...and admitted it." "Stuff like that is not easy for her." "She is kind of like a bangle type - intelligent but mysterious - beautiful yet intimidating." "You know what I don't need your analysis of someone I have known since I was ten." "Is there something wrong?" "What would give you that idea?" "Your aura says you want to strangle me right now." "Okay I know all about your eclipse plans with Maggie tomorrow." "If you want to do something with her alone just say so." "If we had plans do you not think I would tell you?" "Maybe not if it was a secret." "Sorry, see you soon." "Are you going to stay on icat all night?" "Icat?" "Mock, avoid or ignore technology all you want" "Henry..." "I am not avoiding it, I just don't like it." "Well do you like being out of touch with your mom and dad; because if you actually kept your phone on or at least let me teach you how to use the internet you could talk to them and see them" "simultaneously." "Okay, fine, teach me, but later." "Right now we need to talk." "I don't care about your secret leave me out plans with Maggie." "I told you whoever Maggie is watching the eclipse with, it's not me." "We need to talk about the ruby." "Well there is nothing to discuss;" "I got dragged into a whole lot of nada drama." "Now it's over." "What if Maggie was right;" "what if everything was orchestrated so the exhibit would close and the ruby would have to be moved." "It's being shipped out at down; it has nothing to do with us anymore." "So you think it's just okay to let Strolund get away it?" "Would you lay off him; the dude has been working at the museum for years." "Which means he has access to everything." "I smelled jackfruit and banana on his breath just like the gum I found in the boiler room." "Paranoid, not listening." "And his shoe print is in there; his boots match the same tread marks." "Okay, half the Goths in school wear tactical boots like that." "Look I know there is not any hard evidence and" "I know there is a missing piece of the puzzle..." "Try about a thousand missing pieces." "Which is exactly why we need to get down to the loading dock." "That is exactly what we are not going to do." "Look you heard my dad;" "another word about mythical objects and jewel thieves, you will be ying-yanging your way to military school." "...back it up." "Bit more... ." "Get out of here in twenty minutes." "Professor Gardenhire is auditing our books tomorrow and by my calculations we are running a deficit." "You are project manager and if I get downgraded because you and your..." "Jaspar!" "Are you even listening to me?" "Yeah, yeah, Maggie." "Where have you been?" "You are so lucky." "My dad had an early breakfast meeting... please, please tell me you got mugged meditating in the park and that you were nowhere near this morning's heist." "Where did you get that?" "Sh..." "Come on." "Ready for the eclipse?" "Hey, how is it going professor." "Big day is it not boys?" "Oh yes sir, very much so." "Why?" "Why did you steal that?" "I did not steal it." "I stole it from the guy who stole it." "Well was it Strolund?" "I don't know I could not see his face." "It was smoky, he was wearing a gas mask." "Well did he see you?" "Definitely." "But, we were fighting ..." "I took this from his neck." "It's our first solid clue." "Solid?" "I really cannot see Strolund wearing something like this." "I mean who are these people; they could be anyone." "But not anywhere." "That is cashmere in the background." "I have been there." "We have to tell my dad." "No, no, we just have Strolund and we cannot rule him out yet." "Well we have to tell someone." "What were you thinking Henry?" "Don't answer that;" "obviously you weren't thinking, as usual." "Oh come on Maggie, all I did was prove you were right - you got the photographic memory... do you recognize him?" "Or remember anybody at the museum who was wearing that pendant?" "No." "Okay you said the people who found this ruby died in a freak accident." "What kind of accident?" "Usually skip that part of the tour but they were crushed to death by a rogue elephant right in front of their ten-year-old son." "Oh, in Cashmere?" "I believe so yeah." "But that does not change anything." "Give me the ruby;" "I am taking it back to the proper authorities." "Who are the proper authorities anyway;" "everyone always says that?" "Until we have more answers we cannot trust anybody." "I don't even trust myself with this thing... it's bad luck." "This thing is a hunk of corundum - a rock, nothing more." "It's not jinxed or hexed or cursed." "Oh get this meat sheet off me!" "Oh!" "Now do you believe me?" "I believe in you not taking me seriously when" "I told you to tie up the food properly." "No wonder we are headed for an F in this workshop;" "it's a minefield in here." "I don't think it's so bad." "You guys are in denial about everything." "Obviously nothing I can say will convince you to see reason, so I am washing my hands of this whole thing, starting with my fingerprints." "Wait, where are you going?" "I am not missing DeGrut's field trip to watch the eclipse for a trip to the big house." "Get it, get it." "The ruby, where is the ruby?" "What's in your hand?" "clean this mess up." "Everyone Officer Strolund has an announcement." "Due to a serious incident this morning the museum is now closed until further notice." "Everyone please move to the exit." "What?" "We'll help Hunter clean up." "Both of you in my office - now!" "Did you steal that ruby?" "No." "Do you know where it's?" "No." "Do you know who has it?" "No." "Henry thinks Strolund's a thief." "Interesting theory except that I was having breakfast with him when the robbery call came in." "Why do I get the feeling there is more to this than what you are telling me?" "Maybe because we have not actually said anything." "Good point." "So until I get some satisfactory answers the both of your are staying put." "Under no circumstances are you to leave this room." "If you don't find that ruby, goodbye Yale, hello Jail." "I was so sure it was Strolund, but if he isn't the thief, then who is?" "What difference does it make now?" "Sorry I accused you of making secret plans with Maggie." "Forget about it; at least she was smart enough to stay out of trouble." "I am not missing DeGrut's fieldtrip to watch the eclipse, for a trip to the big house." "Do you actually remember DeGrut telling the class..." "About a trip to see the eclipse?" "No, I don't." "Neither do I." "Funny how he only told Maggie, unless..." "Was there anything distinctive about the guy in the gas mask?" "No." "Wait, he was left handed." "DeGrut is left handed; he has a copy of the Hitopadesha in his classroom and when we saw him this morning his neck was scratched exactly where I tore off this pendant." "Oh no." "You have no idea how much I have been looking forward to this eclipse." "Where is everyone else?" "Hen, take a look at this." "He lived in India until he was ten, he would now be the same age as the boy whose parents were killed..." "After finding the ruby." "The boy who watched his parents die." "It's DeGrut." "He has Maggie." "What does he want?" "The ruby for her life." "He says we have one hour to bring it to him at the old glass factory." "We cannot tell anyone or else." "We have to get out of here and find that stone right now!" "Got it covered." "No, no, no, my dad's receptionist has not left her desk since the Bush administration." "And I mean Bush senior." "Oh, I forgot, someone stole his toenail clippers which you could seriously use by the way and he installed a herculean dual bolt lockdown mechanism." "It's virtually unbreakable." "I have heard that before." "Chopsticks, chopsticks." "What is it with you and chopsticks?" "They are not just for eating." "As I learned when I was stuck in a Yagnon prison." "All I did was smile." "Who knew she was the warlord's daughter?" "Lucky for me my" "Shaolin master taught me well in the art of escape." "Dude that is so sick." "Okay, now what are we going to do?" "I hope you are not claustrophobic." "Tweeting Dr. Freud." "We are never going to find it now." "I believe the universe is showing us exactly what to do." "Run for the border?" "Think about it; today has been the unluckiest day of our lives." "We have been locked up, we may be arrested, our friend is in danger and if you can imagine the worst possible person to have found the ruby..." "Oh, not him, anyone but him!" "About time." "You refused to doctor my time card and you, I do not know what is more painful, being hogtied or having to hear that stupid story about the one-armed igloo fisherman." "One-armed igloo fisherman?" "They did not bust me Griffin, so I will not bust you, but remember we are not friends." "We are just even for today." "Thank you." "Don't thank me;" "I have had that thing for 82 minutes and you would not believe the funky luck that has gone down - and I mean that literally." "We are supposed to put the stone in an old lunchbox under a ladder and then leave." "And he promises to let Maggie go?" "He is going to destroy it." "Destroy what?" "The ruby." "DeGrut does not care about the money; he is going to shatter it to avenge his parents' death." "Who cares what he does with it as long as Maggie is safe." "He did not see the last part of the fable." "The only way to end the curse is to sacrifice someone as brilliant as the star itself during a total eclipse." "DeGrut needs her." "How many times has he called Maggie brilliant?" "Every single day." "There is the lunchbox." "How do we stop him?" "We are going to do exactly as instructed; put this in the lunchbox and then go back to the car and keep watch." "Okay." "Wait what are you going to do?" "You know the stairs might be safer." "And slower." "Let me go!" "Hang on Maggie, I am coming." "Let's go Maggie, I am here to save..." "You?" "Not every girl needs saving." "I can see that." "Nice handcuff knots." " Better than his." " Who taught you that trick?" "My mother." "Do you know what this maniac was going to do with me?" "Something to do with a ritual offering, blood rites, maybe human sacrifice." "How many lives have been sacrificed already because of this evil thing?" "You must let me end this curse forever." "I know who you are and why you are doing this." "I can't imagine what it was like losing your parents when you were a boy but destroying another life will not bring them back." "That happy family isn't real." "I spent every minute ignoring them, always trying to get away, and then they were gone." "You were only 10 years old." "I am sorry Maggie." "Just answer me this; how did you pull off all of the museum accidents by yourself?" "You did not have access to any of the..." "No he didn't." "Strolund!" "So you overpaid and underpaid someone to help him out." "I knew it." "Boiler room was a warning, but you just couldn't stay out of it." "Keep it safe." "Impressive." "Where did you learn to fight windchan style?" "Can, China, you?" "Canton, Ohio." "Give it to me or your friend gets a tracheotomy." "Don't." "He thinks he can keep it;" "he thinks it will bring him everything he ever wanted but it never will." "Sorry but you lot are going to have to take the fall." "What just happened?" "A banana peel?" "Bad luck." "Thoughts class?" "I guess this proves that the legend was not true, since it could only be destroyed by the sacrifice of someone brilliant." "Strolund was smart but he is not genius." "Maggie was right, as usual." "Logic, not magic prevails." "Go on, gloat." "I have nothing to say." "Since when?" "The officer's name was pronounced Strolund... in Swedish it means brilliant." "As Dean of this school is a museum board member I am officially required to congratulate you for your heroics in exposing this conspiracy." "Thanks dad." "Okay, Gardenhire is going to kill us if we are late for our final exam." "But as a father and an uncle I am horrified by your unconscionable behavior." "You both could have been killed." "And Maggie too sir." "Yes that is true; if you had not acted so quickly things might have turned out differently for her." "Just tell me one thing;" "how did you get out of here?" "Well..." "Gotta go!" "Better not be a weekly thing with you two." "No sir." "You will not always be so lucky." "Maybe she won't notice." "The woman won a millennium prize for solving the twin prime conjecture, trust me she will notice a" "$138 accounting deficit." "Perfectly balanced;" "good work all around." "A's for the entire team." "But how?" "I have absolutely no idea." "I guess the only sure thing about luck is, sooner or later it it's bound to change." "You owe me $138, daily installments accepted." "Is it ready yet?" "Can you just relax and center yourself for one more stupid minute?" "You are not seriously going to sleep in that string sling thing are you?" "Oh I am going to sleep like a baby sloth in a [inaudible] tree." "You should try it." "Not a chance." "I am not the one with insomnia." "Okay, your icat is up." "Now what?" "Click there." "Here?" "Hey mom, hi dad." "Hi." "Henry, you are online." "Monitor hug." "Fingerprints, fingerprints." "What was that?" "Jaspar is not having much luck sleeping in my hammock." "(I'm good!" ")" "It's so good to see you guys." "Honey sorry we have been so remote lately." "It's okay, at least we are together now, sort of, right." "So son tell us, how are you surviving in the urban jungle?" "Oh, well dad, mom, it's kind of a long and mythic story...."