"Well Miss Kitty, thank you so much for having lunch with me." "Well I'm always up for a salad and a Martini in the middle of the day." "You didn't have a salad." "Well olives and onions are almost a salad." "Well I am just glad I can come to you with all my problems." "Well sure you can Fez." "You can talk to me about anything." "Just to double-check, are you sure it's normal for one of them to hang lower then the other?" "Well of course Fez!" "Nobody's earlobes are perfectly symmetrical." "Kitty Forman?" "Marcia Sullivan?" "How are you?" "And how is that husband of yours?" "Great." "He lost 3000 pounds... when I took his Mercedes in the divorce." "Oh you are divorced, what a shame." "And they say fourth time's a charm!" "Ahahaha!" "Well you know what, you should come over." "It's sounds like we've got a lot of catching up to do." "I'd love that!" "I'll bring a bottle of wine." "Oh well that is terrific!" "I can't wait to see you!" "Slut!" "Tight-ass..." "Ah Mrs. Sullivan, hello." "What can these magic hands do for you today?" "Actually..." "I was thinking of trying something new..." "Well... perhaps we should "rinse and repeat"..." "Donna, this is gonna be your first birthday since breaking up with Eric." "You know what that means... no crappy gifts to return to the Science Fiction-store!" "Yeah," "I mean guess it'll be kind of a relief not having to give him his birthday spanking." "He made you spank HIM on YOUR birthday?" "Yeah and then he danced around in his underwear going:" "Happy Birthday to meee..." "Sorry to keep you from work." "Oh don't worry, I already called in and said I was having sex." "Oh." "Hello." "Oh my God." "Fez just banged an old s mobile in the driveway with his bike..." "Marcia, I would like you to meet my friends, friends I would like you to meet the most ferocious lover on two legs." "Which by the way, was new for me" "It's like watching somebody kiss their grandmother." "Ouhh, my nana don't kiss like that!" "Mrs. Sullivan, may I ask you something?" "Was I good?" "Good enough." "YES!" "Nice job Fez." "Combine two of your favourite passtimes." "Sex... and antiquing." "You know, for years older men have dated younger women." "And now it's finally okay for a younger man to date an older woman." "I guess what I'm trying to say is:" "GROSS!" "Say what you want, but Mrs. Sullivan is so much more passionate then girls your age." "You kids just lie there." "Mrs. Sullivan, she moves, she shakes, she makes noises." "Are you sure she wasn't having a stroke?" "Hey, so I was thinking we could all go in together on a birthdaypresent for Donna?" "But I don't know what to get her..." "Oh cool, there's an echo inside my head!" "Hellooooww..." "Balls..." "Hohohoho!" "Awesome!" "You know I could give Donna make-up." "But that would be a waste." "Might as well just give a dog a snowblower." "Oh." "Kelso did that once." "Oh no wait, he gave his snowblower a dog." "That was when he was in his "Machines-Should-Have-Pets" phase." "Bongoooooo's!" "Equadoooooor!" "Is there anybody in here?" "Oh my God, the echo just said yes." "You know, I think I've had enough..." "You know once I caught Donna using lipliner on her eyebrows." "Seriously, it's like being best friends with Phyllis Diller." "How about, I get something and we can all give it to Donna together?" "Together." "Man, I'm not getting the echo." "Hello?" "There it is..." "Oh oh oh, my friend Marcia Sullivan is here!" "Your friend?" "I thought you hated her?" "I do!" "But she has the juciest gossip because she is a filthy, disgusting, piece of..." "Marcia!" "Hello Kitty." "Hello Red." "Here Kitty, I brought us some heavenly camomile tea." "Oh yeah." "Tea's nice..." "You said you were gonna bring wine." "She also said "till death do us part", look how that worked out." "Red, don't you have something to do in the garage?" "I can go to the garage?" "So Marcia..." "Tell me what is going on in that adventurous life of yours?" "Well actually Kitty, I have a wonderful new boyfriend." "He's delicious." "And quite young." "Young?" "How young?" "40?" "Younger." "39?" "Younger." "Well for heaven's sake Marcia, what is younger then 39?" "Kitty I am not gonna tell you." "I don't want to shock you." "19." "Well I just don't believe this." "I have a son who is 19." "Oh that's right." "I forgot about Eric." "Where is that handsome son of yours these days?" "Oh." "Don't you even think about it." "He is in Africa, with the lions, where he's safe." "Well he's gotta come back sometime." "Touch him and I'll kill you in your sleep!" "OH..." "Ahahahaha!" "Well another day, another romp with Mrs. Sullivan." "Actually is was three romps, but who is counting?" "It was four." "Hey guys, I got Donna's birthday present." "It's a little wrinkled and musty but so is Fez' girlfriend and he seems to like her." ""My parents went to Lake Michigan and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."" "I can relate too." "My mom once went to Lake Michigan." "All I got was a half-brother." "T-shirt?" "What a lousy present." "It even says so, right on the present." "Hey, if you guys don't like the present, you can steal her something better." "Okay well, what kind of stuff is Donna into anyway?" "I don't know." "Beef?" "No, seriously, Donna is a cool girl." "I think we should get her something cool." "Why because you wanna have sex with her?" "No, I'd do the same thing for you if it were your birthday." "Ah, so you wanna have sex with me?" "Yeah Fez," "I wanna have sex with you!" "I rather have a sweater... and it's August 4th." "If you can't find gift ideas for Donna in here, just give her what I do, coupons for 15 minutes of Bob-time." "You know I..." "I always forget how big Donna's room is." "It looks much smaller from the tree across the street." "Hey look at this!" "Donna uses the same hairspray as... my sister." "Ohhh look at this." "Donna's diary." "Oh I haven't looked in here in like a month." "Ah damn, it's locked." "Ah the keys are in one of the desk drawers." "I'm not sure which." "There's always a branch blocking my view." "Eh okay, I'm heading out, but I think what Donna needs for her birthday." "Thicker curtains and a restraining order" "Oh my God Fez, listen to what Donna wrote, it's from a few weeks ago:" ""Hyde hired this new guy Randy at the record-store." "And he's really cute."" "Donna thinks Randy is cute!" "Can you believe this?" "Jackie you shouldn't be reading that!" "It's a complete invasion of privacy." "Oh if I get just the right angle on this mirror..." "I can see Donna when she sleeps..." "Here Donna," "I made you a coupon for your birthday." ""Good for one Knock-Knock-joke." "No Who's-there required"." "Wow, dreams can come true." "See that Red?" "Kids love those." "You should have made them for Eric." "Yeah I suppose I could have given him a" ""Get My Foot Out Of Your Ass Free" card." "Ladies and gentleman, I present to you a simply sweet confection and she is carrying a cake too!" "Oh my goodness stop it!" "Ahahahaha!" "Wow Randy, look at your shirt." "Uhh Donna, how would you describe Randy's shirt?" "Uhm... well-buttoned?" "CUTE!" "You would say it's cute!" "I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for was "adorable"." "Marcia!" "Ahhh there's my lady!" "What in the world?" "Oh, you didn't know?" "Yeah, Fez is dating an older lady." "Apparently, you taking him to all these PTA-meetings really payed off." "Fez is your younger man?" "MY Fez?" "Isn't he gorgeous?" "I think I'll keep him for a couple of months." "Did you hear that?" "I'm booked till March." "Fez you can't date her." "Why not?" "Well in the first place: she's so... old." "Isn't she kind of the same age as Mrs. Forman?" "Yeah say that louder, that'll really help." "How dare you dig your... your dirty claws into this innocent boy?" "Wow, it's like she was right in the room with us." "Fez, this is an atrocity." "You two have to stop seeing each other right now." "You can't tell me what to do, your not my mother." "You know what..." "Fine, then you just... you do whatever the hell you want" "Marcia!" "It's me, Bob Pinciotti." "Ahhh." "I asked you out last month." "I thought you were moving to Costa Rica." "Kitty?" "Oh no!" "What's wrong?" "Ice," "Margarita-mix, the top from the bottle of tequila." "Good Lord, she took the blender!" "She's in the dining room." "I'll be in the garage." "Save yourselves!" "I can't believe Fez was seduced by that cradle-robbing slut." "You girls throw it around like footballplayers, couldn't one of you have slept with him?" "Mrs. Forman, you need to understand something." "Fez is a deviant weirdo." "We're just glad he is doing it with a person and not a couch a tree or my pillow." "After all I have done for that boy, he has the nerve to say you're not my mother." "If that's even what he said." "Because... who can understand anything that comes out of that ungrateful marsh-mouth." "Wow." "Fez and an older divorced woman." "You know, if I were a divorced older woman, I would take everything from my ex-husband." "SUFFER YOU CHEATING BASTARD!" "Haa!" "Can't wait to be divorced." "Well, if he doesn't want me mothering him, fine I'm done!" "Next Christmas, his stocking will not be hung by the chimney with care." "It will be tossed in the garbage with... hair!" "This place uses too much ice!" "Here you go Donna." "Happy birthday." "I was gonna put a ribbon around it, but you know," "I barely care." "Wow Hyde, thanks!" "I have the same shirt from the other lakes but I needed this one." "Wait." "You collect these shirts?" "Steven how did you know that?" "Oh because one time I heard Donna say:" "I collect these shirts." "I like when Donna wears shirts with writing on them." "The words just pop out at you." "Donna, for your birthday, I'm taking you on a journey." "Where you ask?" "To a Journey-concert!" "Why you ask?" "Cause I saw you had a poster of them in your room." "What was I doing in your room you ask?" "Hey, stop asking questions, we're going to see Journey!" "Oh thanks!" "Donna, I'm sorry I didn't get you a present." "I was gonna go shopping, but" "Mrs. Sullivan is not gonna be around forever." "I gotta make every moment count." "Eh yeah Fez, about that." "We just talked to Mrs. Forman and we learned a couple of things." "First of all, you get a few Margarita's in her and she's a fairly decent tapdancer." "And also, she is really upset about what you said." "Yeah Fez, she thinks of you like a son." "I mean, you know, think about it." "(Eydie Gorme) Wherever we go, whatever we do" "We're gonna go through it together" "(Steve Lawrence) We may not go far" "But sure as a star" "Wherever we are, it's together" "Wherever I go, I know he goes" "Wherever I go, I know she goes" "No fits, no fights, no feuds and no egos" "Amigos" "Together" "Through thick and through thin" "All out or all in" "And whether it's win, place or show" "With you for me" "And me for you" "We'll muddle through whatever we do" "Together wherever we go" "You know," "Miss Kitty has done a lot for me." "Maybe I should go talk to her." "And on the way I'll pick up a box of chocolates." "Good." "Yeah Fez, I think she'd really like that." "Oh then I'll pick her up one too." "Happy birthday." "I got you a new diary." "Well I noticed you needed a new one when I was reading your old one." "YOU READ MY DIARY?" "I didn't say that!" "You just said that!" "Oh you don't know what I said." "But," "I also noticed you think Randy is cute." "What?" "I do not, that was just something I wrote, I barely meant it." "Oh uhuh!" "Then why are you going to the concert with him?" "You don't even like Journey!" "I love Journey." "There the Beatles of our generation." "Oh come on!" "Who are you kidding?" "The only reason you put up that poster is to cover the hole Fez was using to spy on you in the shower." "Okay." "Fine." "I think Randy is cute." "But it's not a big deal." "Because..." "I have to go." "Write in your diary, I'll read it tomorrow" "Miss Kitty?" "Oh hi Fez." "I'd get up, but my back's still sore from that knife you stuck in it." "Listen Tutankhamen, you need to fix this." "My wife has been sitting there calm and quiet all day." "I disarmed landmines in Korea." "But I have never been this nervous that something's about to explode." "Miss Kitty?" "I would like to apologize for saying that you were not my mother." "Why?" "It's the truth." "Why don't you just tell me I'm fat too!" "See, you treated me like a son, and I didn't mean to hurt you." "So, if it will fix things," "I would like to take your advice and stop seeing Mrs. Sullivan." "Okay look Fez." "It's your life." "You can do whatever you wanna do." "See but the problem is, that on the one hand I want your approval and on the other" "I wanna be with women in ways that frankly would turn your stomach." "Okay." "Okay Fez." "If you really see me as your mother, then you need to do what any good son would do in this situation." "Lie to me." "What do you mean?" "Okay." "Well." "When Eric was still here, every friday night he would tell me he was going out with his friends to the movies." "But we weren't at the movies, we were drinking beer and peeing from the top of the... oooooooooh!" "So you see?" "Not telling each other what they don't wanna hear is what being a family is all about." "Thank you Miss Kitty." "Now if you'll excuse me," "I'm going to not have sex with Mrs. Sullivan on her washing machine." "You have fun at the movies!" "Hey Dad." "I was thinking of cashing in one of my birthday coupons." "I'll take you up on one free game of "Boboboply"." "Listen Donna," "I know those are just for laughs but I wanted to get you something serious too." "So here." "Peanut Brittle huh?" "Boy, I sure do love this stuff!" "You didn't even see it coming!" "Yeah, just like last year!"