"Hey, uncle phil." "I think Aunt Viv put the Ring Dings in the cabinet over here." "The sink is busted, and I'm trying to fix it, will." "Wait, uncle phil, no." "Geoffrey's eyebrows just grew back... from the time you tried to fix the stove, man." "philip, drop the wrench and step away from the sink." "Why does everybody act like I'm dangerous... when I'm trying to fix something?" "Have you forgotten the toaster incident, sweetie?" "Geoffrey hasn't." "How was I supposed to know a piece of whole wheat... would scratch a man's cornea?" "Besides, I know plumbing." "certainly got the pants for it." "I'm calling the plumber." "I'm calling the tailor." "hello?" "philip, did you do something to the phone?" "There was a little static on the line, so I did a little rewiring." "Honey, there's no dial tone." "There's no static, either." "Here's the keys to your car, Aunt Viv." "Thanks for letting me use it." "You're welcome, baby." "When are you gonna get your car fixed?" "I don't have to." "I'm gonna win a brand-new Corvette on this game show." "Yeah, right." "Right after your uncle philip repairs something... that doesn't send Geoffrey to the emergency room." "No, seriously, Aunt Viv." "They were recruiting down at the mail." "I'm gonna be on the game show, Double Trouble." "You're gonna be on TV?" "Yeah." "well, that is so exciting." "AII right!" "AII right." "Aunt Viv, I'II push... and if you SpackIe real fast, we could probably wall him in." "well, I just called the repairman from the car phone." "They can't come out until tomorrow." "No phone service for 24 hours?" "This is a nightmare." "I mean, it's like we've vanished off the face of the earth!" "Don't be so dramatic, hilary." "Hey, she's not being dramatic." "Jimmie walker's phone went out for 24 hours in the late 70s... and, hey, well, y'aII know the rest." "The phones are still out." "Excuse my language, Dad, but it's got to be said...." "I'm behind you, big guy." "Mom, Cathy's line is busy." "Can I have the keys so I can drive the phone over to her house?" "Sure, honey, in four years." "I'm sure the phone will still be broken." "Yeah, that reminds me." "When I win that brand-new Corvette, I'm gonna have a phone on the dash..." "leather on the seats, and halle Berry on my lap." "I can't believe you're gonna be on Double Trouble." "Double Trouble?" "Are you nuts?" "You want to embarrass yourself in front of the entire country... for a lifetime supply of AIberto VO5?" "What you talking about, man?" "It ain't embarrassing." "AII I gotta do is answer a couple questions... and let my partner squirt some stuff all over me." "Wasn't Jimmy Swaggart just arrested for that?" "So, who's gonna be your partner?" "Oh, kellogg Leiberbaum." "He's the smartest dude in school." "He's gonna call me on the car phone at 8:00." "That is, if uncle phil don't try to fix it." "well, that's it." "The next person that mentions the phone, gets a boot in their behind." "Mr. Banks, your phone is broken." "It occurs to me, this family's got a Iot to Iearn about hospitality." "Hey, what's up, J?" "I'm here to practice for the game show." "Wait a minute, how do you know I'm going on a game show?" "From willy at Roscoe's Chicken 'n' waffles." "He knows everything." "He's the source that revealed that Mariah Carey's black." "Jazz, hold up a second, man." "Yo, will." "Yo, what's up, Ty?" "Bro." "What's he doing here?" "No, what's he doing here?" "well, come, now y'aII not still mad at each other about the watch thing?" "Yo, he sold me a fake rolex." "You paid with a fake 20." "AII right, now first of all, you should have known that it was fake... when you saw that the warranty was only for two hours." "And you should have known that the Jackson on a 20 ain't Jermaine." "They all look alike to me." "Be that as it may, when do we start practicing for the game show?" "I'm his partner." "I'm his partner." "What, wait, how does everybody know I'm going on a game show?" "Man, from willy at Roscoe's Chicken 'n' waffles." "I'm telling...." "He knows everything." "He's the source who revealed color Me Badd was white." "Look, so is it gonna be me or him?" "I already got a partner." "Who?" "KeIIogg Leiberbaum." "He's a dude from my school." "My bro, if you did have to pick one of us." "Speaking hypodermicaIIy." "I don't have to, so I'm not gonna choose." "AII right?" "Okay, you know, because I'm your best friend..." "I respect your decision." "Because I am your best friend." "Peace, my best friend." "Some best friend." "When you go to your car, you gotta walk." "What?" "Don't you?" "please, watch this." "Yo, Mr. Banks, my tubby judicial brother." "Man, there ain't no water pressure." "Somebody in this house broke the three-minute shower limit." "obviously, it wasn't you." "would you mind standing downwind?" "My fault, G." "I guess I got a, kind of, Pepé Le Pew thing going here." "Morning." "Aunt Viv, can you please tell uncle phil to call the plumber?" "There's gotta be something you can do, or not do." "Geoffrey, can I get some coffee, please?" "I'm working on it, madam." "well, when will it be ready?" "At this rate?" "About the time Queen elizabeth opens for Queen Latifah." "Mother, why can't Daddy be like other lawyers... and hire people and then sue them for inferior work?" "I mean, look at my hair." "It hasn't been washed in 24 hours." "I can't possibly go to work looking like this." "Man, you sure can't." "You should probably call in ugly." "will, I hate to rain on your fashion parade... but the Moms mabley look is definitely passé." "I was trying to take a shower, but there ain't no water pressure... 'cause somebody broke the three-minute shower limit." "What?" "Don't give me that." "Look at these fingernails." "Look behind these ears." "How long did you bathe today, young lady?" "Seven minutes." "I'm sorry, but I had to wash." "I have enough problems." "I'm going through puberty for God's sake." "Good morning, everyone." "Hey, Aunt Viv, I'm telling you, if we band together we can take him." "Leave him alone, honey, he's mine." "philip, baby... if Mr. Goodwrench wants to visit Mrs. toolbox... he'd better get Mr. Water running." "carlton, get the yellow pages." "And now it's time for America 's messiest, winningest program..." "double trouble!" "My brother." "Yo, what's up, J?" "I see you're watching Double Trouble... a show both saIubrious and sudorific." "For you, in recognition of our saIubrious and sudorific friendship." "You got a little saIube on the side of your lip, too." "What's this?" "That's me." "Yo, will." "Hey, what's up, Ty?" "Nice weather we're having." "Guess that's 'cause we're the third planet from the sun." "unlike Mercury, where the surface is perpetually molten." "For you." "I appreciate the gifts, fellas, but, you know..." "I think I still want to see other people." "Look, a little nasty piece of carpet with a vest." "will, this is Winky." "Winky, will." "Where'd you get a stupid name like Winky?" "Man, Winky was my father's name." "will, could you tell this sucker to take his sack of lint and beat it?" "Me and you gotta practice for the game show." "Look, will needs a partner who knows his trivia... and no one's more trivial than me." "Yeah, what will needs is intellectual capacitance." "AII right." "Look, I already told you." "Leiberbaum is my partner." "Master william?" "Yo, what's up, G?" "Young Leiberbaum stopped by on his way to the airport." "What?" "Where's he going?" "He wouldn't say." "It appears he's been getting notes warning him to get out of town." "Come on, how y'aII gonna play Leiberbaum?" "Man, this is just a stupid game show." "There's more at stake here than a stupid game show, my brother." "That's right, our friendship's on the line." "Come on, pick your best friend." "Yeah, go ahead, will, tell him." "Who's gonna be your partner?" "AII right, I pick...." "I pick carlton." "carlton is your partner?" "Yeah, what he got I ain't got?" "On a straight up tip, y'aII, see, carlton got this rare disease, right?" "And to go on this game show was his last desperate wish... before he takes that old dirt nap." "That's decent, will." "What he got?" "He got Bette Davis eyes." "will, can I borrow your walkman?" "I'm going out for a five-miIe run." "Yo, this don't sound right." "And you call yourself a friend." "AII right, so I lied." "But, come on, y'aII, I wanna win that car!" "I mean, and to win on these game shows you gotta be... you know, CarIton-Iike." "I don't get it." "His point exactly." "You see, what will is trying to say is... and let me choose my words carefully... you guys are stupid." "Look, that is not what I'm trying to say." "Look, it's like this, y'aII." "It's like, with carlton...." "carlton, who is Captain Kangaroo's friend?" "Mr. Green Jeans." "How many players on a cricket team?" "eleven." "Letters not on a phone dial?" "Q and Z." "Best picture, 1936?" "The Great Ziegfeld." "The third wife of julius Caesar?" "CaIpurnia." "You see?" "Yeah, I see." "You think we're stupid." "well, I guess I better be going... but I guess I'm too stupid to find the door." "That's right." "I guess if we put our brains together we could find our way out." "And by the way, can you remind me when to breathe?" "What just happened here, man?" "I sacrificed my two best friends for a stupid convertible." "Yeah, well." "The wind in my face will dry my tears." "Good luck." "Wait, hold up." "You ain't gonna help me out?" "certainly not." "You have little to lose from public humiliation." "I, on the other hand, have a future." "In eight years, I graduate from Harvard Law... and begin cIerkship with CIarence Thomas." "only someone with the highest dignity will be considered." "Yeah, or a real tight butt." "Either way, I'm in pretty good shape." "So, carlton, what?" "You want me to beg?" "Is that it?" "I'm not sure." "Try and we'II see." "Okay." "I beg you to remember last Saturday night... when you got home around 10:00 and... your drawers ain't get here till the next morning." "Let the games begin." "In five, four, three, two." "Ladies and gentlemen, Bob Eubanks!" "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "hello, everybody." "Thank you." "And welcome back to another edition of..." "Double Trouble!" "AII right, Iet's jump right into it and meet our first team." "This guy likes music, basketball, and girls, and not necessarily in that order." "He's a native of philadelphia, pennsylvania." "welcome will Smith!" "will's partner is BeI-Air, california, born and bred." "He's a fan of Tom Jones... mutual funds, and capital punishment." "Say hello to carlton Banks." "will and carlton, nice to have you with us." "Okay, Iet's meet their opponents now." "This fellow says he's into frozen pizza, Laverne  Shirley reruns... and I want you to meet LA's oldest 10th grader... his name is Tyriq Johnson!" "Tyriq's partner is a brain surgeon who still finds time... to date the salubrious Whitney Houston." "Let's have a warm Double Trouble welcome... for Dr. Jazzy Jeff..." "M.D., Ph.D., and O.P.P." "What the hell are they doing here?" "And how long has he been dating Whitney Houston?" "Okay, here's how we play Double Trouble." "Contestants win points for answering trivia questions." "Now, at the end of the question round... the contestants compete in a physical stunt." "Hey, and audience, what kind of stunts do we have here on Double Trouble?" "Stupid!" "That's right, so sit tight." "We'II be right back in just a moment with our first round." "And we're clear." "Hey, fellas, it worked out perfect, right?" "We all got to be on the show!" "Have we met?" "Or am I too stupid to remember?" "Jazz, I think that's that backstabbing Smith boy." "Time to breathe again." "It's like that?" "well, look, at Ieast one of us will win the car... and when I do, you guys can grab a bus and meet me at the beach." "Come on." "places." "Three, two." "Okay, it's time for the trivia round and here's our first question." "Everybody ready?" "Here we go." ""What famous cartoon character..." ""soared to fame on his oversized ears?"" "carlton." "That's an easy one, Bob." "The beloved pachyderm in question won our young hearts... by turning a handicap into" "I'm sorry." "Time is up." "Let's go to your opponents." "Answer, dumbo." "Dumbo's the correct answer." "You got that for 100 points." "Okay, here we go again." "Hands on your buzzers." "Next question, tell me:" ""What is the capital of Ohio?"" "Tyriq?" "That would be the capital "O," Bob." ""O?"" "Yeah, that's right, Bob, Ohio." "You know, capital "O," little "h"...." "Do I have to spell the whole thing?" "I guess I didn't say "capital city." I'II have to get a ruling from our judges." "Judges, what do you say?" "Sounds like the judges are accepting that answer." "Sounds like the judges drank their lunch." "Okay, Tyriq and Jazz, you're well out in front, you've got 200 points." "It's time now for our final question of the round, and here it is." ""'The rain in Spain stays mainly,' where?"" "carlton." "actually, Bob, the rainfall in the Pyrenees Mountains of Spain..." "falls at a whopping-- -"In the plains," Bob!" ""In the plains." Yes, that's right." "You got it for 100 points." "Okay, that concludes our question round." "I want you to sit tight... and find out what kind of a fine mess these folks have gotten themselves into... when we come back for our stunt round... on Double Trouble." "We'II be right back for that." "And welcome back." "well, we've cooked up a real doozy this time, folks." "So let's get our contestants out here right now." "Come on, guys." "Okay, contestants, now you know what you have to do." "You have a minute-and-a-haIf to do it." "So I want you to get on your bicycles and act stupid." "Now it's time for the final round of Double Trouble... and let's find out just how well our contestants know their partners." "And here's how it works." "while will and Jazz are in the soundproof booth... we're gonna ask their partners a question about them." "So, will and Jazz, if you would please take your places in our soundproof booth." "Wait." "That joint ain't gonna fill up with water or nothing, Bob, is it?" "Not this week." "Go ahead." "AII right now, carlton and Tyriq, here's your question." "If your partner could name only one person as his best friend... who would that special person be?" "Now you have until the buzzer sounds to think about it." "Time is up." "AII right, carlton, Iet's hear your answer." "well, Bob, Iet's back it up for a moment and define this thing called friendship." "You see, the ancient Mayans" "carlton, your time is up." "Okay, Tyriq... who is Jazz's best friend?" "I'm sorry, Bob, this is a bad time." "AII I gotta do is answer a couple questions... and let my partner squirt some stuff at me." "Sorry." "I guess you're reading something really good." "Wasn't Jim Swaggart...." "Wasn't Jimmy Swaggart arrested for that?" "Great line reading." "I tried." "What?" "No." "Yeah, I'm fine." "Just let me...." "Okay, I'm fine." "english"