"Hi, I'm Gabi Diamond," "I'm here to interview for the private chef position." "Hopefully, he can see me right away because I only had enough money to Park for 12 minutes." "Then you need to hustle, honey, 'cause you can't use the front door." "You need to use the service entrance." "Where is that..." "Please tell me this is the service entrance." "It's right down the hall next to the trash chute." " Okay." " Uh..." "And as long as you're going that way." "(Panting)" "Is this it?" "'Cause I'm down to 11 minutes." "You found it." "Follow me. (Laughs)" "(Gasping)" "Wow, this place is amazing!" "Look at the Golden Gate Bridge!" "You're so close you can make eye contact with the people stuck in traffic." "You're almost home!" "Oh, hi, we're just finishing up here." "So, shh!" "Oh, okay, I'll just be over here." "I won't say another word." " Now, Mr. Voltaggio..." " Oh, my God!" "Chef Michael Voltaggio?" "!" " I am such a huge fan." " Thanks." "You know he won "Top Chef", right?" "Personally, I think he could win "America's Next Top Model Chef."" " I'd audition for that show." " And bring home a trophy!" "What are you doing here?" "Just, uh, interviewing for the chef job." "Oh!" "Uh-oh." "Thanks for coming in, Michael." "You'll be hearing from us very soon." "Possibly on the way to your car." "Well, as you can see, the position's filled." "So, buh-bye." "Wait, wait, wait, wait, okay." "So I didn't win "Top Chef," and I don't have any awards." "Heck, I don't even have a boyfriend." "But you know what I do have?" "Lots and lots of debt." "Which means I'll be available to cook for your boss 24/7." " By the way, I'm Gabi." " Yes, you are." "And you are Elliot Park." "Mr. Kaminski's publicist, slash right-hand man, slash how lucky is he to have you?" "Congratulations, you can Google." "Is that a sub-zero?" "(Gasping)" "Oh, last time I saw this much stainless steel" "I was getting a pap smear." "Hey, everybody, I'm home." "Josh, you look fantastic." "Who travels 10 hours and looks this good?" "Ha-ha, you!" " How was your trip?" " Ah, China was awesome." "Only problem is you open a business there, an hour later you want to open up another one." "(Laughing)" "(Exaggerated laughter)" " Elliot." " Okay." "Ah, wait until you see what I bought." "It's a ring for Caroline." "(Gasping)" "Check it out." " Oh, my God, it's gorgeous." " Isn't it?" "Elliot, who's this?" "Uh, hopefully your new chef if I'm lucky." "We're hiring a real chef, one with credentials and awards..." "And tattoos." "Well, where is he, 'cause I'm starving." "Uh, well, I can make you something." "You're not the chef!" "She's not the chef!" "But I am here, and I know exactly what you want to eat." "Because I am a food mind reader." "It's one of my superpowers." "So is driving without insurance." "Grilled Cheese?" "!" "This looks... fantastic." " Mmm." " (Chair hissing)" "It's so Ooey-Gooey." "You know what?" "Forget the other guy, you're hired." " (Squealing)" " Elliot:" "What?" "!" "What... for making Grilled Cheese?" "!" "It doesn't count if the name of the food is the recipe." "I'm going with my gut on this one." "And my gut is loving it." "(Sighing)" "But your gut hasn't met Michael Voltaggio." "At least have her make a trial dinner!" "That's fine, I'm not afraid of a trial." "'Cause I'm innocent and my food will be proven delish." "So, what do you want me to make?" "Well, I'm proposing to my girlfriend on Friday, and everything's gotta be amazing." "Like her." "She's cultured and gorgeous and way out of my league." "Can you make a dinner that'll make her say yes?" "Oh, I'm gonna do better than that." "I'm gonna make her say, "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!"" "(Gasping)" "Six bags of groceries." "You either got the job, or did you finally clean out your car?" "No, I got it..." "In an almost-y kind of way." "I just have to make a trial dinner and if that goes well, I get the job!" "And if that goes well, I get promoted!" "(Shrieking)" "Wait, what?" "If I bring Josh Kaminski and his rich friends in as clients to Garber, Stukenbaker and Rizz... (Gasping)" "They'll change the name to Garber, Stukenbaker, Rizz... and Rodriguez." "Well, he's going to propose to his high-society girlfriend during the meal and my food has to make her wanna say yes." "I mean, Sofia, what if I screw this up?" "Uh, stop that." "You've got to be confident, okay, like I am at work." "When I deal with the partners," "I don't second-guess myself." "I march right into a meeting." "I look 'em straight in the eye, and I say," ""here's your coffee."" "And nobody has to tell me how they want it, no!" "Gary wants cream, Shirley wants sugar and..." "Bob wants to stare at my boobs." "Confidence, boom!" "Yeah... yeah!" "In the kitchen, I have it together." "And Mr. Kaminski knows that because look what he gave me." "Uh... a Black Amex?" "(Sighing)" "You know what they say, once you go black, you never go back." "♪ I've got this job in the bag ♪ ♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪" "♪ You're gonna get replaced real soon ♪" "♪ All the doo-dah day ♪" "Elliot, what is that?" "The backup meal for tonight, compliments of our future chef" "Michael Voltaggio." "You do not need a backup." "(Sniffing)" "That smells really good." "No, you know what, it doesn't matter because..." "Boom!" "Bravo, you set a table." "And made Cornish Game Hen with Gorgonzola Caramelized Pears, and Truffle Mashed Potatoes, and a big side dish of bite me." "Both:" "Oh, my God, you look so handsome!" "I mean really, really handsome." "Like a God." "Oh, Elliot." "(Chuckling)" "This is my lucky suit." "I have closed seven huge deals in this suit." "Hopefully, tonight will be number eight." "But just in case things aren't going my way," "I designed this rabbit foot app for my phone." "You just kind of rub it." "You don't need that app when you have all these apps-etizers!" "Ta-da!" "This looks incredible." "And I found the perfect song to set the mood, ready?" "(Singing along to music) ♪ All I want to get is ♪" "♪ A little bit closer ♪" "♪ All I want to know is ♪" "Caroline!" "♪ Can you come a little closer?" "♪" "Romance." " Tegan and Sara!" " Yeah." "I karaoke to this song all the time." " Me too!" "♪ I want you close ♪ ♪ I want you ♪" "♪ I won't treat you ♪ ♪ Like you're typical ♪" "Look at you." "Everything looks amazing." "I mean, this night is going to knock Caroline's socks off." "If she wore socks." "She doesn't wear socks, she has awesome legs." "She has awesome everything." "Do you wanna know the most awesome thing about Caroline?" " What?" " She loves me." "And why wouldn't she?" "I was always focused on work... till I met her." "Now I hardly ever think about developing" "Rich Media Solutions in Flash and Javascript anymore." "Yeah, I hardly ever think about that either." "(Phone ringing)" "Ooh, that's her, ain't she pretty?" "Hey, baby, are you close?" "I can't really hear you, you're breaking up, hold on." "Hey, Sofia." "So far, it's going really great." "He likes the way it looks, the music I picked, my singing." "No matter what happens, you are a female warrior." "And it's kill or be killed and you have to come out on top." "Um, are you watching "Hunger Games" again?" "You don't watch "Hunger Games," you study it." "Okay." "I don't think she's gonna be getting here when we expected." "Oh, well, that's all right." "I can keep this warm for an hour." "You'll have to keep it warm a little longer than that." "Caroline wants to take a break." "Um..." "Something about moving too fast and not being in control." "It's kind of hard to remember her exact words when your life is crumbling in front of you." "Oh, Josh, I am so sorry." "I'm sorry, Gabi, this dinner's a bust." "(Sighing)" "♪ I have no money for my rent ♪ ♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah... ♪" "♪" "♪" "I haven't seen him this upset since he lost his "Star Wars" poster in a poker game." "I had pocket aces, I had to go all in." "On the bright side, your trial dinner is a disaster." "Which means you're out, Voltaggio's in." "But that's not fair." "No one has it harder than a pretty blonde girl." "Every time Josh sees you, he's going to be reminded of the worst night of his life." "Yay!" "Yolanda, you gotta help me out here." "I really need this job." "Oh, you got it." "Now, listen, honey, when my son was heartbroken, I sat him down and I told him..." "Ooh, it's 8:00, gotta bounce." "Josh?" " Josh?" " Ow!" "This hurts so bad!" "It actually physically hurts." "I know, I'm really sorry." "Josh, come on." "You're smart, you're charming, you're successful." " You got killer hair." " I do have killer hair." "Let's drink to that." "Okay." "Oh, there's the engagement ring." "Wow, it looks even bigger wet." "I can't believe it's over." "I just feel so empty." "That's because you're hungry." "I'm going to fix you a plate." "And I know exactly what you like." "Nothing's gonna make me feel better." "Not even..." "Mashed Potatoes?" "Mashed Potatoes?" "With lots of Cream and Butter." "I like Cream and Butter." "Oh, my God, that's so good." " Mmm." " (Sighing)" "You're not going to make me eat alone, are you?" "Well, it's kind of unprofessional." "But I hear the food here is really good." "To Mashed Potatoes." "And to my favorite kind of champagne... free." "You know what?" "This meal kicked ass." "It really cheered me up." "Well, I knew it would." "When my mom died, I used to make special meals for my dad all the time, and it always cheered him up." "Aw..." "I bet you miss your mom." "That must be nice." "I see mine every single day." "Well, my mom was the best." "She taught me to cook, and we watched Julia Child together." "I love Julia Child." " Really?" "!" " Yeah." "I studied her in a business class." "I mean, think about it." "She took her passion and turned it into an industry." "You know who else was full of passion?" " Caroline." " Shh, Potatoes." "Mmm." "Yeah, Julia Child was my inspiration." "Whenever I'm in a predicament, I ask, "what would Julia do?"" "That's why I dropped out of college." " Really?" " Um-hm." "I dropped out of college when I sold my first company for $3.6 million." "Wow, we're so alike!" "We both dropped out of college, we're both entrepreneurs..." "Except you're in fortune 500, and to me, 500 is a fortune." "(Chuckling)" "It's a play on words." "I'm drunk." "Well, you made an amazing dinner." "Well, it's not over yet." "Wait till you see dessert." "Oh, Julia wouldn't have done this." "♪" "♪" "Oh, my God, I had sex with my boss." "Where is my other shoe?" "Damn it, I paid $19 for those." "Woman:" "Yoo-hoo!" "Caroline, it's your future mother-in-law to be." "Gabi?" "Oh, my God." " Did we?" " We did." " Are you sure?" " So sure." "Mother:" "Wake up my little love birds." " Holy crap, it's my mom." " What?" "!" " You gotta hide." " No, no..." " Get in the closet!" " What?" "!" "No, no, I am not good with small spaces." "(Shrieking)" "You were locked in there?" "Until Yolanda found me and let me out." "I had to pee in one of his shoes." "You what?" "I tried to find the cheapest one." "Well, it's the cheapest one now." "Gabi, you really screwed this up." "I know." "I wanted to make tarts, not be one." " I never should've slept with him." " Uh, you think?" "I mean, it'll never go anywhere." "Wait, do you want it to go somewhere?" "No, I hate good-looking guys with tons of money." "I mean, he's way out of my league." "I'm like an Expired Twinkie, and the girl he loves is a fancy Chocolate Eclair." "You're more like a ho ho acting like a ding dong." "Snap out of it!" "Okay, he is your boss, not some guy you have feelings for." "Yeah, you know what, you're right." "I don't have feelings." "No feelings." "I have no feelings." "Oh, my God!" "You do have feelings." "No, I left my chef's knives there." "They cost more than my car." "Well, you better go get them." "We're going to need them if we're gonna live on the streets." "Gabi." "Oh, you scared me so bad when I found you in the closet, my wig nearly fell off." "I know, about that, I was just..." "Trying to make Josh feel better." "You never heard of sending a Muffin Basket?" "Well, in a way, I guess you did." "Yeah, I know, I screwed up." "Well, well, well." "Look who's here." "The personal chef who got a little too personal." "What are you going to make next, a baby?" "I just came to get my knives." "They're on the counter, next to your dignity." "Now come on, she's humiliated enough." "Give the girl a break." "Fine, I admit it." "I have been a little petty." "I guess all I have left to say is... ♪ I'm calling Michael Voltaggio ♪" "(Doorbell ringing)" "Care Bear." "Jujubee." "I'm really, really sorry about all of this." "Well, you have nothing to be sorry about." "Yes, I do." "My shrink says that I create drama." "He says that I'm just so used to getting everything that I want that sometimes I sabotage things to create a challenge." "You understand, right?" "Nope." "But that's what I love about you, Caroline." "You're mysterious and elusive and complicated..." "And beautiful." "Exactly." "You totally get me." "God, I love you so much." "I'm sorry I put you through such hell." "It wasn't that bad." " I slept with someone else." " Wow!" "I said I sabotage." "Look, it was the worst 14 hours of my life." "Do you hate me, Juju?" "No." "Not as much as I hate myself." "I slept with someone, too." "Seriously?" "I mean, not for nearly as long, but... yeah." "Look... it was, it was stupid and meant nothing!" "Can you please forgive me?" "Well..." "It does kind of turn me on." "God, I have issues." "Does this mean we can move on?" "Because I love you, Caroline." "And I want to marry you." "Oh, Juju." "(Gasping)" "Is that a yes?" "Yes!" "It's beautiful!" "I'm calling mother." "Gabi?" "Hey." "Uh, I was just coming to get my knives." "Congratulations, I overheard." "I feel horrible about all of this." "Oh, me too, I really didn't mean for us to..." "Neither did I!" "I'm so sorry, Gabi." "Yeah, well..." "This was my dream job." "I'm not firing you." "My lawyer said I couldn't." "I can't stay, that would be a terrible situation." "Would it?" "I mean, I totally get it if you don't want to, but..." "If you do want to, the job is yours." "(Chuckling)" "I don't know what to do." "What would Julia do?" "I'll tell you what she'd do." "She'd take this job." "Julia's no fool." "Right, Gabi?" "Damn right she would." "I'm in!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow your roll." "That's what got us into this mess." " Great talk." " Yabba-dabba." "♪" "Hey..." "Ho-oh." "Gabi." "Hey, I made you breakfast in bed." "Oh, no, thanks, I already gorged myself on Josh." "(Purring)" "Okay!" "I'll just put this here and I'll make myself scares..." "My shoe!" "(Laughs)" " (Speaking Japonese)" " Thank you." "Coming Yolanda."