"Don't film me singing." "Sing properly." "We'll do a music video." "Now some choreography." "You're so childish." "Don't tell me that video is our only wedding present." "No, it's just bonus material." "The real present is a surprise." "What surprise?" "Oh shit." "Easy now." "What did you press?" "l didn't press anything." "Give it to me." "Frame, rec, off, execute." "You're amazing!" "St. Paul said: couples don't play for themselves but for the whole team." "Film the real couple now." "Together you take the tackles, and win the ball for the team." "You pass the ball to the one who is closer to the goal." "Together you bear the unfairness of an unrighteous linesman- who flags offside even though you were clearly onside!" "In front of these witnesses, I ask you, Ville Tapani liedes- do you take Sari Anneli Aaltonen to be your lawful wedded wife- to have and to hold, for better and for worse?" "I do." "Do you, Sari Anneli Aaltonen- take Ville Tapani liedes to be your lawful wedded husband- to have and to hold, for better and for worse?" "l do." "My present is coming up." "...I pronounce you man and wife." "congratulations SARl AND ville" "Watch your back!" "Eero!" "Pass it, you idiot!" "Eero!" "You're a genius!" "I hear your boyfriend organized this so-called wedding gift." "Yeah, sorry." "That best player is my son, Niko, and that worst one is my husband, Risto." "leena." "Anna." "The girls and I were sure Pete had made you up." "He's such a sworn bachelor." "He's like Peter Pan, just waiting for Tinkerbell to come along." "I thought Pan and Tink were just friends.-Tink's the size of a finger." "Their sex failed due to technical problems." "Size does matter." "I don't think we've met. I'm Anna." "Marty." "From Pete's work." "Martina, that is." "You're a woman." "I kept wondering why Pete wanted to find a man for his gay colleague." "I hear you've already moved into Pete's shoebox flat." "After two months?" "That's fast." "You must truly be in love." "l guess so." "God, I hate football!" "Me too!" "Could we talk about something else than football?" "Absolutely!" "lovely weather." "Perfect wedding day." "It's been a beautiful summer." "Unlike last year." "It rained like a mother." "We were driving home from the country, lousy road, broke a tire- just when the second halftime of the Sweden-Holland game was starting." "Mellberg screwed up the penalty shot!" "I remember when Dave came up with his little surprise. I could have killed him." "I just said I'd love to redo our living room Spanish style." "Good going, Dave." "Remember when the guys played in in Norway?" "3 years ago, B division." "More like "beer" division." "It'll be exactly 3 years next week." "I'll kill that guy!" "Go, Simo!" "At least you have children." "Just wait till the wedding night." "Yeah, with fifty cable channels in the wedding suite and Ville- watching Eurosport. I could run around the room naked and he wouldn't notice." "Oh my God!" "Oliver, bring that ball to me!" "Go, Anna!" "Kick it over!" "At least it's nicer than some skull." "At least it's nicer than some skull." "Our song was great, right?" "And our dance performance." "You could sign Kale's band up with your agency." "But don't book him for our wedding." "Not as a stripper, at least." "He's got such a hose the girls would choke on their shandies." "If that's your idea of a proposal, the romance side needs some work." "Why didn't you tell me Marty was really Martina?" "l thought you knew." "She's nice and funny and pretty." "You're nicer, funnier and prettier." "Have you slept with her?" "No." "Was she good?" "No." "Which of us is better?" "You wanna know?" "One of you is like..." "And the other is..." "Sorry, sorry..." "Want some breakfast?" "We don't need breakfast." "The neighbors are going to complain." "We don't need neighbors." "You're not going anywhere!" "l am. let me go." "Football This Week!" "... past 3 years as a coach for Malaga, and has now returned to Finland." "Welcome back, Lauri Rautakoski!" "Thank you." "Anyjob offers from our Finnish League so far?" "Right now I'mjust kind of checking out the national scene." "Pete, turn it off." "You started your career in Greece..." "Give me that!" "Wait!" "This is interesting." "He's a real big shot." "Give me that!" "...as the U.S women's league went bankrupt- also the San Diego goalie, Carita Hamstrom, will be returning home..." "Now you don't want to switch the channel?" "Now it's switched to the porn channel." "I couldn't get a cab." "They won't pay if you get there late." "Don't touch me, fucking fake homie!" "Yeah, like I'm gonna touch a guy with a ton of eyeliner on!" "Too much cover makeup is a common mistake." "Soft highlights are enough." "What's going on here?" "You've double-booked me with those clowns!" "Next month?" "Evening gig." "At the Hansa House?" "Uniklubi's playing in the restaurant." "Elastinen's got an office gig upstairs." "Different places." "Here's your revised contract." "Welcome on board." "I can't get a cab. I'll be late!" "Wanna bet?" "Anna seemed very nice." "Don't sound so surprised." "The exact sum." "Seb and Jake still haven't paid." "Don't say anything to my wife yet." "She thinks we're saving up for a sailboat for next summer." "You haven't told her we're going to Germany for the World Cup?" "Not yet." "She's still sulking about the wedding." "And you haven't told Anna either." "l'm sure it's Ok with her." "The longer we keep the tickets a secret, the madder they'll be at us." "I am going to tell Sari, soon." "Hey guys, how old are you?" "What are you so afraid of?" "live with a woman, you'll learn to fear." "You'll find your way to the field?" "Sure." "There's a bus to the birthday party after the game." "Ok." "See you soon." "You're not going to wish me good luck?" "What's the use?" "You're going to lose anyhow." "You're a lousy fan." "Bye." "Bye." "Anna!" "What are you doing here?" "Your Mom gave me the address." "I'm back in Finland." "You're 1 5 years late." "Hold on..." "You have a phone." "Why didn't you call me first?" "You won't take my calls." "Mom taught me not to speak to strangers." "You're leaving because I can't play anymore." "Anna, please." "If you leave me and Mom, I'll never talk to you again." "Honey, you know this is my big break." "I'll never play football again if you leave. I hate football!" "Don't forget to exercise that knee." "You'll have it fixed in no time." "Beer or cider?" "Hey you, footballers' wives- your men play 7th Division." "Not the English Premiership." "Everything Ok?" "Sure." "We got you your very own ball so you don't have to steal the team's ball." "Say thank you, Oliver." "Thank you, Oliver." "Happy Birthday!" "Got any beer?" "Hey cutie, give auntie Sari a smile..." "Oliver loves the music play group..." "The longer you put it off, the harder it'll be on you." "If we did it now, collectively, we could get off with just one shouting." "Gee, wonder if I may go?" "Oh, I forgot." "I don't need anyone's permission." "Very funny. lt's Oliver's birthday." "let's not rush into it." "There's candles to blow and tails to pin on donkeys." "Time for the cake!" "Mommy can help you blow." "Or can you do it yourself?" "If we get busy we could have our own little one by next summer." "let's talk about this later." "No, now. I want a babybabybaby..." "No way!" "They think they're going to some damned darned..." "Football World Cup in Germany!" "Who?" "All the guys!" "We already got tickets." "Well, that was smooth." "What were you guys so afraid of?" "This is so Simo." "Kickball always comes first!" "How can they just announce something like that?" "Three weeks!" "That's the whole summer vacation." "And it's expensive, too!" "We could use the money somewhere else." "How much do the tickets cost?" "Well, they booked tickets for 4 games and a top hotel for three weeks." "We were saving for a sailboat!" "Maybe if we talk to them nicely..." "And maybe we'll have world peace and maybe chocolate isn't fattening." "We'll deal with it somehow." "How?" "Diplomacy. I'll go talk to them." "They won't get it, whatever you say." "I'll say it louder then!" "You guys have to sort this out." "We're fine for now." "We'll just keep a low profile and wait for the tornado to pass." "This is not going to pass by staring at the sky and waiting!" "Anna, please." "You're not seriously thinking of wasting our summer vacation- and several months' salary on some stupid Bierhaus trip?" "It's the Football World Cup." "We've all planned our vacations around it." "What about my vacation?" "What am I going to do?" "Anna, dear." "You'll do whatever you want." "You sacrifice everything else to get to kick ball on a sand field- with the lousiest team on earth!" "HeMan's not the lousiest team on earth." "We just beat FC Moses." "Moses is one of the best 7th divison teams." "They were shorthanded, though." "We whacked Moses!" "We whacked Moses!" "You're pathetic!" "Who gives a shit what gutter division team wins?" "Hey, Anna is a woman." "She can't understand a thing about football." "If the girls and I started our own team and trained all summer- we'd beat you to the ground." "Yeah, sure." "Would we?" "Yeah!" "Wanna bet?" "Sure thing." "We'll play against you at the end of the summer." "Anna, how much have you had to drink?" "And when we win, you hand over your World Cup tickets to us- and we'll use them however we please." "like sell them, for instance." "And we'll get that sailboat." "And we'll have a child." "Why not triplets while we're at it?" "And after that you guys stop watching and playing football altogether." "Sure, we'll stop it at once." "And when we win, what happens?" "You get to continue playing football." "That's hardly a stake." "Ok, we'll never complain about football again!" "It'll get pretty quiet at home." "I know." "When we win, the women will pay for our trip to Germany." "Okay." "is this a challenge now?" "Ok, no more joking." "Don't you realize you'll never be able to win that bet?" "You're just afraid you'll lose." "Fine." "Of course we'll agree to it." "Great idea, but how on earth are we going to beat the guys?" "They've been playing for years." "Hold that." "Who likes water sports?" "Hi, it's Katarina." "Wake up." "We need to recruit the rest of the women..." "For what?" "The bet!" "Our team!" "Oh that." "Now all we need is some players." "I hate football." "We do, too." "That's why we made that bet." "See you at my place in an hour!" "Ok." "Bye." "You're not seriously thinking of doing it?" "Don't start anything stupid." "l didn't start it." "I've never even touched a football." "Soon you won't even have to see one." "No more smelly socks in the laundry." "No more sandy shoes on the floor." "I've swept two Saharas worth of sand from the hall." "Never again." "Being born a HeMan is like winning the lottery." "The women must have been pretty drunk." "l almost hope Jonna refuses." "How's she going to pay for our tickets?" "With her study loan?" "No more Premiership games on Saturdays!" "You'll be free to party." "No more Sportscast theme tune." "No, that's the old one." "The new one goes like this..." "Ok, I'm in." "As long as you stop singing." "Just think, a real holiday next summer, maybe even somewhere abroad." "No more surprise practice on cleaning day." "And no more football on ovulation day." "No more Mr. Kickball Commentator babbling in your living room." "No more Mother's Day brunch in the stadium restaurant." "What did you say?" "I said it already half a mile ago:" "I'm in." "It's going to be murder." "like Australia versus Tonga." "22-0." "World Cup qualifiers for Japan, 2002." "Oceania qualifiers in 2001 ." "I think it was in April..." "Beer, Dad?" "We should have come up with this bet years ago." "We'll get to eat on the couch while watching football." "And drink beer." "Aunt Esther's funeral won't come in the way of watching a big game on TV." "No more chick flicks in our house, just football films." "Which all suck." "Mervi will have to wear a Real Madrid shirt in bed." "At least, this team will not be called Real something." "How about FC then?" "It would sound convincing to sponsors." "Would anyone understand it?" "Come on, everyone knows FC means Fucking Cool." "Many big teams start with FC." "That's what Ville says. lt's because they're all so Fucking Cool." "What about SheWoman, as opposed to HeMan?" "This is not some little wives' team." "That's like being FC Victoria Beckham." "We'd all get breast implants and wear just strings for clothing." "Stick golden stars on our nipples." "FC Goldnipples." "FC Nipplegolds?" "FC Superchicks?" "FC lron Maidens?" "No, it should be something feminine." "What?" "You figured out what FC really means?" "Item three." "Date of game. last Sunday in August, starting 6 pm. item four." "If FC Venus wins, the HeMan players must give up football in any form." "They are also obligated to hand over their tickets to the- 2006 Football World Cup in Germany to the FC Venus players." "I still don't know what FC really means." "Any corrections?" "Then on to the men. lf FC HeMan wins, the men will have full liberty to do- anything related to football without any objection from FC Venus players." "Each FC Venus player will pay for her spouse's trip to the World Cup." "The FC Venus players will also jointly pay for the trips of- those FC HeMan players who have no spouses." "Free trip to Germany." "Good deal." "l don't mind paying for myself." "Don't be stupid." "Save the money for those double pints of beer." "There is one problem." "There aren't enough spouses to go around." "What do you suggest?" "Handsome men like you must have lots of exes." "I suggest we get to use them on our team." "No." "There's no jockstrap good enough- to make me go on the same field with my ex-wife." "Ok." "No ex-wives." "But we need a stipulation on girlfriends." "So how do we define a girlfriend, then?" "Item six." "Every FC Venus player must have had sex- with a HeMan player during this calendar year." "is last Christmas Eve still included?" "We'll let it go, as an exception." "We also need a penalty shoot-out clause." "The game can't end in a draw." "And what about dissolving of contract?" "lt can't be dissolved." "We play, or we die and...die." "I'm looking for a football team." "They're in the cabinet." "Good evening." "Sorry, it's a private affair." "I'm here to join the team." "Sorry, but we only accept existing HeMan players." "But I'd be joining your team." "Trust me, I qualify." "I'm Eero's partner." "Welcome to FC Venus." "Why today?" "!" "For two years you've promised to come out of the closet." "What are you so ashamed of?" "Have any of you ever suspected that Eero is..." "No." "I didn't know they played football." "Never in its history has the English league had a player who was gay." "Not openly, at least." "And neither had our team, so far." "What's the big deal, anyhow?" "I have an uncle who's that way." "A pillow biter." "A what?" "Can't we change the fucking subject?" "No such surprises to fear from Jake." "The agreement allows us to recruit anyone Jake sleeps with on the team." "Or has slept with this year." "We can put a junior team together, as well." "How many women have you been to bed with this year?" "Only beds count?" "Sure none of them played football?" "Relax, I don't even know their names." "You couldn't find them with an ad." "Hey, don't give the women any ideas." "From now on you keep your dick in your pants." "You don't screw even a legless squirrel." "Ok, ok. I promise to always ask first if they know anything about football." "Sorry about that." "You think FC Helsinki will win the Champions' league again next year?" "Sorry, I don't know anything about ice-hockey." "I'm not sure about this..." "Couldn't we use the same field as the men?" "Sandboxes are for babies." "Real football is played on grass." "It'll take a lot of work, but we'll get it done." "But we still don't have enough players. ls that a big problem?" "It might be, since the men are physically stronger, too." "Hey, I know." "Why don't we ask Marty?" "Yeah. I know she slept with Pete." "But that was years ago." "No, it was last New Year." "Three hours past midnight." "I saw them!" "In our sauna room!" "You're not upset, are you?" "You and Pete didn't meet until March." "Of course we'll take her on our team." "We need a good defender." "We need a goalie, a few defenders- a few midfielders and a couple of forwards." "One midfielder could be a striker." "And the other two would be wingers." "Could I be the goalkeeper?" "l think Kirsi would do better." "It would help to be a bit taller." "But you have to run so much in the field." "What about offside?" "What about it?" "Who's playing offside?" "Ok, let's start from the basics." "You know what a striker is?" "Or a winger?" "like Debra Winger?" "No, it's a bird." "l thought it was like a jetty." "Wing jetty?" "We have one of those." "lovely for sunbathing..." "Ville says he saw a whole flock of wingers in our country place..." "Bottom right." "Bottom left." "Carita!" "You're not even trying!" "l'm too tired!" "Well, Anna isn't." "With that attitude you might as well go." "I'm too tired too." "Don't start whining about that knee again." "You have to get used to the pain." "lt's my shoe." "So strike with your left foot." "It needs exercising too." "Wanna grab a beer?" "l have practice." "Practice?" "Yes. I'm playing for FC Venus." "Didn't Anna tell you?" "How did she find out we... that you qualify?" "Sari told her." "How did she take it?" "is she Ok?" "Yeah." "She's just happy to have me on the team." "You never thought about joining FC HeMan?" "Eero wouldn't let me." "He said I was too lousy." "Nobody's too lousy for that team." "Wow, they're cool!" "let me see." "What?" "Something wrong with them?" "Ritva got them for me at a discount." "Just don't tackle anyone with them." "Not your own players, at least." "And the shin guards go on the front." "Joke!" "It was a joke!" "Ok, we'll start with some basic ball control." "Hey, look!" "Watch out dudes!" "FC Venus rules!" "Ok, go!" "Sorry." "We'll lose like some losers." "No, we won't!" "Don't say that word." "You're in okay shape." "I'm just not much of a coach." "You wouldn't know anyone who could help?" "Of course I was upset when it folded." "The only big-time women's league in the world." "Want some honey?" "Fast as ever." "My agent hired this doctor freak who won't let me play." "Why not?" "Just a sprained shoulder, but there's insurance and legal stuff involved." "And they're called HeMan?" "It's such a crazy idea that I'd love to help, but I can't coach." "I tried with some juniors a few years ago and it turned out a disaster." "Do you see much of lauri nowadays?" "So, do you have some nice surfer boy waiting for you in California?" "Or are you out on the market?" "Free as a bird." "And dying to get laid." "I wouldn't mind a toyboy for the summer." "I'm afraid I've deleted all the toyboys from my phonebook." "But what if I got you a hot summer hunk- and a place on a women's team where the players won't keep hitting on you?" "It's player number 2." "Hey, I've done a lot for football, but I have to draw a line somewhere." "That beard scratches." "I meant player 2 in blue." "Wear these." "l'm not that famous." "Isn't this overdoing it a bit?" "No, it isn't." "Risto even knows every masseur on the Faeroe Islands team." "The bird's in the nest." "Ruffle your hair a bit." "Coast clear." "Risto covered." "Katarina stationed at the bar." "Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back." "Two pints, please." "Take it easy. I know her." "She's a cosmetologist." "Get lost." "Still time for one beer at the bar." "Hello." "Hi!" "Can I buy you a drink?" "lf you insist." "Hey, guys!" "I'm hitting straight for the bar. I'm dehydrating." "A pint, please." "Someone has to take care of Risto." "Not me!" "Jake's blonde looks sort of familiar." "She's a cosmetologist." "We checked." "Offside trap." "What?" "Risto." "Can we ask you a question?" "Sure." "Shoot." "let's go somewhere more quiet." "Please tell me you don't play football?" "l hate it." "The defensive line steps forward..." "Sorry, defensive line?" "Well, it's when all the defenders line up and... let's say the goal was here and the goalkeeper is left alone..." "Carita Hamstrom!" "All that dirt and mud and bruises." "It's so gross." "Sorry, I was just kidding." "Anyone could tell by looking at you- that you're not some bull-wrestling ballplayer butch." "Jake, might it be that you're generalizing a bit?" "He's just this parson from our team." "Risto is coming!" "Seems he already did." "is Risto in the bathroom?" "Haven't seen him." "How come?" "He just tried to call me." "Where's Jake?" "We've got guys coming out of the closet like buckets!" "It's Hamstrom!" "Jake's woman!" "She's a pro." "Jake uses a pro?" "That's strange." "is she expensive?" "She sure is." "Made 200 000 in the States last year." "She was the San Diego goalkeeper!" "Hey, guys." "He must be still around." "His jacket is here." "They're drilling in the bathroom." "Where?" "Jake!" "Jake!" "Jake, stop that at once!" "What the fuck is it with this team and closets?" "Hey, I'm not into group sex." "That's not Hamstrom!" "I don't understand you." "You're ready to do anything- just to win a game that you can never possibly win." "What went wrong?" "Not a thing." "But sorry, I changed the game plan." "Sometimes you have to improvise." "But God, I had to work hard for it." "Talking and talking for hours, before I finally got him into bed." "look, Seb." "Nice ladies in blue and white shirts." "They are Finland." "See their number 9, laura Kalmari?" "Don't screw her." "No screw." "Seb no screw." "Who's number 1 1 ?" "Heidi Kackur." "Ok, Seb, number 1 1 , blue and whites." "No screw." "Seb no screw." "No!" "Yesss!" "I played Sweden." "You bet against Finland?" "!" "Bloody traitor!" "Unpatriotic pig!" "looks like either one of you should do our penalty shots." "Sorry, I don't want to be rude." "But this is absolutely- the worst football team I've ever seen. -l know." "But let's not get depressed." "I have a small motivational exercise that involves half-naked men." "Which one of them is litmanen?" "Number 1 0." "Aren't they all tens?" "Well, that one is like an eight, maybe a nine." "Take your shirt off!" "Take your shirt off!" "They can't do that." "Or they get booked." "Who the hell makes up these rules?" "Finland!" "Finland!" "Finland!" "Can't you at least try to look more excited?" "is this really such a drag for you?" "Forget it. let's just watch the game." "We're watching football, not the Pope's funeral." "Just look at them." "What do you have against football?" "It's like booze to an alcoholic." "There's no moderate use." "Hey!" "I'll take my shirt off if you score!" "Score!" "Score!" "Score!" "I've stayed surprisingly fit through the summer." "Are you playing at all?" "Trying to keep the feel for it." "There's this small women's team I've been playing on." "Where do I get to see you play?" "Oh, you wanna see me?" "Would you come and coach us?" "No pay and a shitty team, but you'd get to laugh a lot." "Why don't you ask the General?" "Not a good idea." "No, it's an excellent idea." "is he here?" "lsn't everybody here after a game?" "Hi, Anna." "Quit being a drama queen." "l have nothing to say to him." "Yes, you do." "No matter how much the guys suck, the women's team is even worse." "He's the only one who could help us." "If we train all summer..." "Ok, so we lose the game." "Read my lips:" "Without lauri, we lose." "Don't say that word!" "Carita told me about the game." "I'm glad you're playing again." "I hear you need a coach." "Those women have suffered enough." "We have to win." "The war that ends all wars." "Why do you want to deny your men something- that they love more than anything?" "It's not football they should love..." "more than anything." "Will you help us or not?" "Hey!" "Hey!" "You can't give me a red card for hitting my own player!" "This is the 7th Division- l can give you a red card if I don't like your face." "Thanks a lot." "Hey, guys!" "look who's sitting there!" "What's he doing here?" "Maybe he's talent scouting." "Ok." "First the bad news." "The guys are bigger, stronger- and more experienced than you." "Then the good news." "They think that's enough for them to win." "The men have been watching and playing football all their lives." "They think they understand something about it." "They've picked up all the bad habits." "Tactically they're like 6-year-olds." "You are fitter." "That may help a little." "You don't know anything, and you don't pretend to." "That helps a lot." "Football is a game of intelligence." "And my job is to turn you into intelligent players in two months." "Now the last sprint!" "Good, good." "Go, go!" "All the way to the finish." "You too, Mervi." "I though the idea was to burn fat, not our internal organs." "Good going!" "At this rate we'll have you good and ready by August." "Mercy on those who bring their asses in our kicking distance then." "Risto would be thrilled if he knew..." "Not a word to him." "lauri is much more useful to us if we keep him a secret." "If anyone lets it slip, I'll kick their asses." "I'd really like to meet that Pete." "Your job is to coach." "That's all." "See them making themselves open?" "Simple one-two passes." "Nice ass on that Real Madrid guy." "They show the wrong parts on slow-mo." "See that?" "They create space for themselves by moving constantly." "I hate the color of those shirts." "look!" "That's lauri back there." "You look so calm even though the game is on." "lauri, you're in the same shot with David Beckham!" "Mervi, wait till Dave hears about this." "He's not going to!" "My husband's a terrible Beckham fan." "Emphasis on the word terrible." "Has he ever suggested you change your name for Beckham?" "No." "But our daughter is named after Eira, the district where she was conceived." "What does that have to do with the Beckhams?" "Their son's called Brooklyn." "Oh God." "Oliver was conceived on camp." "Great name for a hard-knuckled defender!" "Camp the Champ!" "Hey, hey. let's focus. look at that activity. lt's the activity that counts." "Hey!" "You shouldn't pass to where the player is standing." "You have to pass to where she'll be in two seconds." "Sounds impossible." "lt isn't." "You do it every day." "You do it in the traffic all the time." "Where will that car be in two seconds?" "Should I wait or should I go?" "l don't have a driver's license." "But you do have children, though?" "Yes." "How many times a day do you move something out of their way- because you know that in two seconds it'll be lying smashed on the floor?" "Ok." "Jonna and leena go again." "Much better." "Now Markus and Kirsi." "Are you hurt?" "Hey, c'mon." "It's supposed to be fun." "Who's haunting you?" "Nobody important." "I've been thinking Marty could play offensive with me." "I think she'd be a good header." "Could we agree on something..." "And we could have Sari and Mervi in midfield..." "That I do the coaching." "I'll position the players in my own good time." "These girls have a lot to learn before we get that far." "listen up, everyone." "No practice on the Midsummer holiday." "After that, we start training full force." "Happy Midsummer!" "Happy Midsummer!" "Got any plans for the holiday?" "looks like you decided to move into our cottage permanently." "Marty's date stood her up so I asked her along." "We're much better company than some hairy stranger." "He wasn't that hairy." "Where's Carita and Seb?" "Wait!" "Hey, you missed your train from Smoochville?" "How did you get a cottage so close to the city?" "l'm so envious." "Risto promised to fix it up if we win the game." "When we win the game." "Should we go pitch your tent right away?" "Guess what happened one night?" "Ville and I were watching some old Champignons league game." "Ville said I should watch Ajax because their tactics might suit us- but the MC Milan guys were so cute..." "The what Milan?" "At the end of the game they had this pendulum shoot-out- and we both got so excited that..." "Ville didn't know I was ovulating." "We've been watching my football archives a lot together lately." "Why would you want to watch old games?" "Football has to be seen live." "But after an exciting game, there's that other interesting live action." "I can't believe I'm actually discussing game tactics with my wife." "Mom was seriously explaining why Finland should use libero defense." "This bet is the best thing that has happened in football- since FC Kuusysi made fourth round in the Europa Cup in '86." "Remember '86!" "So tell me, is my son still up to any action after practice?" "She doesn't want to talk about sex with her mother-in-law." "We're straight edge." "What's that?" "Virgins." "We've decided to wait." "Why?" "is there something wrong with my son?" "We just want to be sure that this is it." "Well, is it?" "But if you're a virgin, you don't comply with the agreement." "Niko could bust you anytime." "You'd be kicked out of the team." "Midsummer's Night, love is in the air..." "You can put the rack on." "It's almost ready." "Need some help with that?" "l'm Ok." "I'm hungry like a wolf in lamb's clothing." "Expecting more guests?" "Jesus Christ." "Not quite. lauri Rautakoski." "lauri is our coach." "And Anna's father." "And you must be Pete." "So you quit coaching Malaga?" "End of contract." "In the Spanish league not getting sacked is already an accomplishment." "Are you scouting for players to Spain here in Finland?" "They don't take players from here, except maybe to raise on junior teams." "Usually people go to Spain to retire, but you did it the other way around." "lauri Rautakoski..." "Easy now." "We have time." "How long have you been a widower?" "Five years." "Five years?" "l've been processing some issues." "And you haven't had a girlfriend?" "l have you. lt was worth the wait." "The guys are so excited about lauri." "Why didn't you tell Pete about him?" "I don't understand this jihad you have against football." "There was nothing in my childhood but football." "When the other kids were playing, I was at training camp or practice." "My knee was operated three times." "I was sixteen when I finally learned to walk without limping." "Football took my father from me." "I don't want it to take Pete." "No fear of that." "Remember how you met him?" "In March, at the club where l set up that big party." "March 4th." "He fell in love with you at once, almost proposed to you then and there." "So he could get in backstage to meet some old army buddy of his." "No." "Because he was so in love." "How do you know?" "Because I ended up in bed with him after the gig." "The next day, you and Pete started going out." "Did you even change the sheets?" "It had nothing to do with us." "You said you were in love with me." "How could you go to bed with her?" "l thought you weren't interested." "I had to beg you on my knees for your phone number." "I was sure you gave me the wrong number just to get rid of me." "I didn't expect it to be a number on your waiting list!" "I didn't plan it." "Marty called me." "It just happened." "Why didn't you tell me?" "You fucking jerk." "Oh, so I'm a jerk." "What have you ever told me?" "I have no clue who you are or where you come from." "You knew my parents were divorced." "I have my mother's last name." "And you said you never see your father and he lives somewhere abroad." "Which is true." "Yeah, and it's also true that you hate football." "But then suddenly you have your own team- and your dad the Supercoach sails in and starts to coach your team." "I couldn't tell you. lf you'd known, you guys would have practiced harder." "You've been lying to me for weeks." "You sacrifice everything for one lousy football game." "What other surprises do you have?" "luis Figo is your brother?" "I played for the HJK girls' team until I turned fourteen." "For the last two years I was the top scorer in my age group." "Who are you?" "What should we do?" "let's go home." "At practice." "Home late, Anna." "Beckham back to long hair again" "Hi." "Hi." "Careful!" "Ouch." "Don't." "I already put some on." "What if they start crying when we take the ball from them?" "If we lose to them, I'm never playing again." "Come on!" "Toughness!" "Attitude!" "Football's not for wussies." "let's keep it fair, then." "I'll try." "Half of my bitches are on probation- and the cops won't like it if we get too rough." "Ok, a little attitude." "We can't let down our supporters." "What supporters?" "They're building tenements here." "The plans were approved ages ago." "What if we all go and lie down in the middle of the field?" "let's do it!" "Be my guest." "The poplars will grow faster after we bury you there." "This sucks." "There are no free fields around, we were lucky to get this one." "Time's up!" "We still have three minutes." "Come on guys, isn't this enough?" "late hour for practice. -lf you were gentlemen, you'd let us play first." "We did suggest that you could practice at the same time with us." "We have no intention to start before you guys leave." "And we have no intention to leave before you start." "Dave, take Eira home to sleep." "At once." "See you later, guys." "After we win the game, nobody brings their kids to practice." "Katarina, where's Oliver?" "l like having the kids around." "Carita. ls it bad?" "Are you sure this game is worth it?" "This team is just as important to me as any other team in my career." "Have you told your agent about this?" "She'd never let me take a shower to keep me from slipping on the soap." "I'm going home." "You finished practice?" "Yeah." "I should head home." "Anna stayed behind to practice on her own." "How about one more beer?" "You're starting to look like a real football team." "With two whole weeks to the game." "I've got you a new practice match." "No more kids, please." "No, this time they're for real." "Wow, they're wonderful!" "Carita, is that your phone?" "Yeah, let it ring." "If you're not in a hurry, we could go check out the field of the Big Game." "It was the only available field I could come up with." "Imagine what the guys are going to say when they hear about this." "Why can't we play it on our own field?" "Just think!" "For once in your life you get to play at a real stadium." "look what we got today!" "Cool, huh?" "Compliments of our sponsor." "National lottery would never sponsor our team." "You call this equality?" "Some are more equal than others." "This isn't fun anymore." "I'm so nervous." "What if we lose?" "Don't say that word." "Press hard from the start." "Control the midfield." "Use the wings." "Block the shots." "l'll take what gets through." "Nothing gets through." "Katarina will stop them before the penalty box." "Watch out dudes!" "FC Venus rules!" "Carita's phone, Sari speaking." "No, she just went out." "Sari, get it!" "Go go go!" "Put some pressure on them!" "Don't back away!" "Katarina, block the shot!" "Don't let them shoot!" "Good going, Carita!" "Go get them!" "Where's your attitude?" "Don't be afraid of the ball!" "Goodbye Germany." "At least you don't have to worry about contraception." "Carita's not letting anyone shoot it in." "Come on!" "There was nothing!" "Anna takes the penalty!" "You take it, Jonna." "Go, Jonna!" "Simo." "Do we have a plan?" "Who's that?" "Carita's agent." "You need a new goalkeeper." "It's my job." "I don't have much of a choice." "Of course not." "That bitch even booked me on a flight for the day of the game." "We still have a week to go." "You'll take leena in intensive training." "What else?" "Dad?" "Well, we'll certainly have to rethink our defence." "Remember, Anna." "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." "I can't believe they're still going to play without Carita." "Should we respect them or have them committed?" "We should thank God Carita is gone." "Sorry." "Pete, has Anna happened to mention- whether lauri will still be in Finland for the game." "How's that?" "Dad and I were betting on some foreign series on the Net the other day..." "And we came across lauri's name." "He's been hired to coach in Korea." "No way?" "Now I'm really pissed off." "She never tells me anything." "She's taking this game so seriously I'm like a Stasi spy to her." "Relax." "She'll turn normal again after the game is over." "If we're still together." "Why don't you propose to her?" "A honeymoon does wonders to a relationship." "The girls are still practicing full force, in spite of it all." "This is the best team I've ever coached. ln a certain sense." "At least it means the most to me." "With this attitude you hardly need me anymore." "Stop fishing for compliments." "Ok, let's wrap it up!" "Anna, would you have time for a coffee or something...?" "Anna, are you coming?" "Yeah, I'll just get changed first." "Too bad lauri is leaving. I would have liked to get to know him." "What?" "Well, he may become my father-in-law one day." "No, what do you mean he's leaving?" "Please." "Feels really silly hearing it from the guys that he's going to Korea." "Korea?" "Oh shit." "Sorry, Anna... I'm such an idiot!" "Why did I imagine that my father who lives in a hotel is here to stay?" "I'm really sorry, Anna." "I tried to tell you." "You've known all along, haven't you?" "Why the hell did you start coaching us if you knew you were leaving?" "I'm not leaving until after the game." "You made it clear to me from the start that I was just there to coach." "How could I be so stupid to think there was more to it?" "You know I would even clean your toilet for you if you asked..." "You're fired." "Go clean toilets in Korea." "Remember when we spoke about that coaching job abroad?" "It's been confirmed." "Greek league." "And me?" "Who's going to coach me?" "The team will be better off with a coach who has more time for them- you and Carita especially." "Anna, hey!" "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." "Anna takes it!" "If I score, he won't leave." "If I score, he wont leave..." "Do you have a reservation, Mam?" "You're so sweet." "I'm so sorry. I thought you knew lauri was leaving. -let's just forget it." "Thank you." "I have to take a shower." "Honey, I can't." "Eat it, for my sake." "You know how difficult this was to make?" "Taste it at least." "Hold on." "It's delicious, but I'm absolutely full." "Come on, taste it." "You swallowed it." "You swallowed it on purpose." "I'll pay for it." "lt's not the money!" "Why did you put it in there?" "You wanted a romantic proposal!" "That's what they do in the movies." "Don't watch movies like that!" "I could have choked!" "So why did you swallow it?" "!" "Because I didn't want it." "Why?" "Don't you love me?" "Of course I do." "That's what scares me." "How do I know you still love me five years from now?" "Or that I love you." "It's a risk you have to take." "l don't like gambling." "You proposed that bet, though." "That isn't gambling." "We'll beat you." "If you think this relationship is gambling, why don't we just quit?" "Ok. let's quit." "You can leave if you want, but what- right do you have to fire lauri?" "The same right I used to hire him." "This has nothing to do with you." "It's personal." "Not business." "I love you, Pete." "But I love you." "Don't take this personally." "One, two, three, four." "FC Venus!" "Anna will never forgive herself if she misses the game." "I thought she would have softened and come back by now." "What has she said to you?" "Has anyone spoken with her?" "She's not answering her phone." "Not even her work phone." "She doesn't think we're going to give up the game, does she?" "Why would we do that?" "l'll try to find her." "I knew you'd be here." "I didn't know you were a quitter." "Top right." "You don't understand anything." "First you give up on Pete and now you give up on football." "Don't talk to me about quitting!" "First you worked me to pieces, and then you took off after a better deal." "And that was the worst mistake of my life." "is that why you're giving up with Pete?" "He loves you." "What's done is done." "It won't work anymore." "And winning is all that matters." "Isn't that what you taught me?" "I taught you that winning is worth your best effort." "But you can't win if you're so afraid of losing you won't even try." "Just keep beating me up." "Sometimes you have to risk getting beat." "look who's talking." "Ok, so I screwed up with your mom." "I guess the odds of a successful relationship are the same- as for scoring a goal from midfield." "You mean zero." "Brasil did that against England in the last World Cup. -like I care." "Anyhow, Ronaldinho made that shot only because the goalie screwed up." "Seaman should have caught it easy." "So what." "Everything requires a little luck." "Ok." "Why would you listen to me?" "If you want to waste- the rest of your life brooding because your Dad fucked up, be my guest." "But you've got a game at six." "Don't be late." "My team is one thing I've never let down." "My God!" "Did the guys get you drunk?" "I tried to get Pete back." "He threw me out." "He only wants Anna." "And that's big news to you?" "Anyone could see how in love they are." "Ok, do we have a problem here?" "Hey, one Bloody Mary, please!" "You can't drink." "The game's starting soon. -l'm not playing." "You have to play, or we lose." "We would have lost anyhow." "Waiter!" "Nine shots of vodka, please!" "Where did you leave your ladies?" "Did they get cold feet?" "They'll be here." "Yeah sure." "let's go, girls." "We have a game to play." "We won't make it in time." "l'll start on my own if I have to." "You need a goalkeeper!" "Hop on." "The rest of you get a cab." "Marty, we need you." "Are you drunk?" "Not very much." "No show!" "No show!" "No show!" "Ok. let's start!" "You can't play football like this!" "lt's not against the agreement." "I wouldn't call this football either, but let's get it over and done with." "Heads." "Heads." "This side." "The women start." "This ball is too flat." "I refuse to play with it." "What?" "!" "New ball, Captain!" "It's not regulation." "As if something in this game was?" "You didn't bring one of Oliver's balls along?" "Watch the offside!" "No passing the center line before the ball!" "Go, Niko!" "Go!" "Somebody score, one at least." "Shit!" "Good going, Niko!" "I've got someone's shorts here." "Watch out!" "She's going for a long shot, again!" "Wait!" "Anna, dammit!" "Get that guy." "There you go!" "Move that ball!" "To the goal!" "Go, go, go." "Excellent!" "Block that shot!" "leena needs help!" "Go, Markus." "Sweep it away!" "Tackle him, Katarina." "Sailboat!" "Tight defense." "Pressure them!" "You can get it, Jonna!" "Go, go!" "Shoot!" "Go, Jonna!" "Closer, closer!" "Don't give them any space!" "line forward!" "Stop whining!" "Clearly offside." "No score. ladies' free kick." "Fall back, Mervi." "Watch the wing." "Not two on the same ball!" "Go, leena." "Move that ball!" "let the ball do the work!" "Go, Jonna!" "Next one goes!" "You started off great." "Are you getting tired?" "The booze is wearing off." "Two goals down." "Doesn't look good." "Hey, we're perfectly fine." "We're not giving up yet." "We had a couple of close ones there." "The game could be 2-2, just as well." "Exactly!" "Just keep up the good work!" "Put our full practice to use." "And invent some more." "Be creative!" "If this ends in a penile shoot-out, I'll kill myself!" "God, you guys suck." "You're not moving at all!" "It was hard to change the pace after that farce start." "2-0 is a pretty safe lead." "But they're sure putting up a good fight." "No more Mr. Nice Guy." "We have to get down and dirty." "Get up, Marty." "Carita!" "Will you play with me?" "Sure." "let's just finish this game first." "Where did you leave your prison guard?" "Wanna call it off?" "Are you made of sugar?" "No way." "Go, girls!" "Don't let him shoot!" "Cover those strikes. dammit!" "Hey, ref!" "Should I take it?" "The ball's slippery." "Go to the goal." "Carita!" "Sari is wide open!" "Attack!" "Go, go!" "Good going, Sari!" "Come on, ref!" "Red card!" "What?" "!" "This ballerina deserves an Oscar!" "Honey, are you Ok?" "Football is a game of intelligence." "Anna takes it." "Shoot it in, Anna!" "Cheer up Anna." "That won't break us!" "Was it a goal?" "The finest goal I've ever seen." "Will you marry me?" "You must have got hit harder than I thought." "is that a yes or a no?" "l'm sorry I don't have a ring to give you." "I had to digest it a little first." "What about the penalty shot round?" "Gimme that remote, you brat!" "look!"