"ADDICTED TO ACTING" "Silent." "The world lies silent as the grave." "For me there are no boundaries." "There are no..." "Why should I place boundaries on my acting which I don't impose on the rest of my life?" "You're dead!" "You're crazy." "You're as dead as Swiss cheese." "Yes, look at me with a fixed stare." "I'm not the person I used to be." "This is Lotte Stern." "The door's stuck." "The door of the booth." "The phone booth!" "The door's stuck!" "Yes, I know it sounds strange." "I've tried everything." "Elbows, shoulders, behind." "It won't open." "No, it's not a Jewish joke!" "I'm hanging up now." "We'll stay in touch, right?" "Help!" "Wonderful." "Oh, Mr Stationmaster!" "What could you ever know" "About the song of my blood?" "And my internal flow?" "With my head held up high" "I make my confession to you." "Yes, I did pull on the brake" "And I will pull on it again." " Encore!" " Encore!" " Just like Zarah Leander." " You think so?" "Yes, she had a strong voice just like that." " That was in your day." " Yes." "Back then." "Hopefully I'll be Karina Plachetka one day." "A star in my own right." "If you manage that you will also fulfil my dream of seeing you on stage." "Or on television." "Maybe she'll make it." "Okay." "I'll certainly try." "We were saying that acting used to be considered a disreputable profession." "We spoke a lot about that." "And my eldest daughter said anyone can sleep with their boss." "Actresses aren't forced to sleep their way to the top." "That was always a worry in the back of her father's mind." "He was afraid for his daughter." "He wasn't sure it was a serious profession." "We didn't know much about it." "I was fascinated to watch her act as a child." "It was shocking." "She was completely different." "She wasn't just a little girl dressing up and playing." "I felt I was watching a total stranger." "That suggests to me that she's very good." "Even if I only say three lines." "I would like my acting to be... completely sincere and to show utter integrity." "I want to truly feel what I am saying." "My aim is to learn about acting." "I want to go to drama school." "I think that you have to be a little crazy to realize a dream like this." "Some people say that if they fail they'll go work in an office." "I couldn't do that." "He's an adult now." "When he leaves home" "I know I'll worry about him all the time." "What he's doing, where, and with whom." "I was always so busy when he was little." "I worked." "Sometimes all day." "He used to play on his own outside." "I didn't have any time for him." "Now I want to make it up to him." "But..." "Now he's grown up." "He's become an adult." "Listen, you screwheads." "Here is a man who wouldn't take it anymore." "Listen." "You screwheads." "A man who stood up against them." "You're dead!" "Hat's dir gefallen?" "Did you like it?" "Ja, sehr schön." "Yes, very nice." "Was hat dir gefallen?" "What did you like?" "Eigentlich, das ganze Stück." "The whole thing, really." "He played the role wonderfully." "Serious." "I don't think they really understood it." "They know actors from the newspapers and so on." "They have a class-oriented perception." "No, people like us don't become actors." "You must plan your future sensibly." "You can do drama but maybe journalism, too." "That also allows you to communicate." "My life isn't about communicating." "My life is about art." "As long as I can remember I've always wanted to be an artist." "I've always wanted to be an actor." "That's fine." "If it works out." "But what if you're unlucky?" "You will have to think about what you plan to do in the future." "And you must consider how you will finance your dream." "Is it a wise investment?" "You need to make good returns." "What do you think about that, Steffi?" "Well, this is what I think." "Whenever I act then I always feel that... that I am fulfilled." "Doing it all the time." "Just acting." "All I want to do is act." "My son has a dream." "He must realize it." "If he can fulfil his aim, we will also feel fulfilled." "I was thinking about the audition the entire day." "And that I'll never make it." "Now I think I will." "I don't know what the examiners' criteria are." "But I think he has what they need." "And apart from that... he has the right energy." "I think I can make it." "I have decided I will." "I don't know how..." "But I sometimes think I can do it." "If I'm audacious enough." "You're dead!" "You have become the scorn and ridicule of the world." "At the victory feast you will run in ladies' skirts." "Prince!" "Just one more thing!" "Prince, listen to me!" "ERNST BUSCH COLLEGE OF DRAMA" "I'm Prodromos Antoniadis." "First I'll speak the role of Lomov from The Proposal by Chekhov." "Then I will read Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver." "My song will be" "Freundin by the Aeronauten." "I'm Constanze Becker and I'll read Lotte from Jubilee by George Tabori." "I will sing Pirate Jenny from Brecht's Threepenny Opera." "Stephanie Stremler." "And the ship" "With eight sails" "And with fifty guns loaded" "Will lay siege to the town." "Gentlemen, you'll find" "That your laughs are cut short The walls will be knocked down flat" "And the town Will be razed to the ground." "Just one tatty old hotel Will be left safe and sound." "And they'll ask Does someone special live in that?" "And they'll ask Does someone special live in that?" "Thank you." "My friends say to me I should go out with them." "They fight the Fascists" "And fuck the system." "They scribble on walls And hang around." "The music they hear Has a Basque-like sound." "But I'd rather have a girlfriend." "I'd rather have a lady of my own." "I'd rather have a girlfriend." "I'd rather have a lady of my own." "Let's see." "Nina." "We'd like to see Johanna." "And Stephanie Stremler's Gretchen." "Please get ready." "We continue in seven minutes." "It is no dream." "The graves I will describe to thee and thou to them must see." "My mother..." "The best place give to my mother." "Close at her side my brother." "That was a rapture, gracious and sweet." "Thank you." "Yes, look at me with a fixed stare." "You think you are men?" "You think you are Spaniards?" "You are raging tigers." "But no." "Tigers fiercely attack any who would take their young." "You are cowards." "Weak and rabbit-hearted." " Frightened chickens." " Thank you." "Get changed." "We continue in ten minutes." " The second monologue first." " Now?" "At quarter to." "My brain's numb." "Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads." "Here is a man who would not take it anymore." "Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads." "Here is a man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit." "Here is someone who stood up." "You're dead!" "You're dead!" "Thank you." "I think I acted well." "Let's wait and see." "I've been speaking to students in the first and second semester." "The only thing they might say is... that I'm too... that they can no longer mould me." "I feel strange." "I really don't know." "But I'm pleased it's over." "I'm hopeful because the top dog smiled." "I don't know his name." "The one with my hairdo." "He grinned and gave me hope." "I don't know." "Soon we'll know." "20 minutes to go." "Sarah." "Claudia." "Ms Stremler to me, please." " Darina." " Andreas." " We're looking for Annette, Karina." " Jennifer." "The following come with me:" "Zamani, Antoniadis." "Johna, Schulte and Mandy Müller." "Come with me and we'll do it one by one." "Let's not keep you in suspense and uncertainty." "Well done." "You passed." "All examiners agreed." "None of them had any objections to make to you." " Cool!" " This is incredible." "Incredible!" "Over 1000 people applied this time." "And you are two of the 25 or 30 lucky ones" "whom the college has selected." "I won't keep you in suspense." "Congratulations to you all." "All four of you passed the audition." "So, if you like, in October you can start studying here." " You want to?" " Oh, yes." "We'll see you then." " Why so sad?" " I'm so nervous." "That's perfectly normal." "I won't keep you in suspense." "You didn't pass." "I don't wish to be abrupt." "Excuse us." "We both have bad colds." "Hopefully our stuffy heads haven't affected our judgement." "Stephanie." "When you're acting Gretchen you shouldn't go out on stage feeling so sorry for yourself." " Yes, I know." " You shrink into yourself." "You don't look beyond a 50 cm radius." "The audience is excluded." "What are you doing?" "What is it about?" "You can't free yourself from some constraint or other." " That wrecked your performance." " Yes, I wanted to carry on." "I always have a problem getting started." "Then I was interrupted." "Are we all here?" "Firstly, congratulations." "You all passed." "So, if you wish, you can start studying here in October." "As you noticed, the audition procedure was very long." "And we called you up on stage more than once." "The reason why we called you up several times today was... that some of the teachers weren't present earlier on." "And they wanted to see you." "I see it's difficult for you to concentrate now." "So I won't bother you with details and analyses now." "I won't go into the pros and cons at this stage." "That means I'll be moving to Berlin after the summer." "To start my apprenticeship as a carpenter." "You're pleased?" "What about me?" "Yes." "Thanks." "Thanks." "That's nice of you." "Say hi to Dad." "Tell him his son is an achiever." "She might return to Cologne after she's finished." "Or she might go elsewhere." "We'll just have to cope." "Because she's going so far away from her home and us we are in a situation where we have to realise... that we won't see..." "Now your dad's crying too." "Things won't change that much." "Nothing will change." "Maybe I'll be more rebellious." "If I ever felt like doing something naughty or crazy" "I usually didn't bother." "You were so helpful and understanding." "I never had the opportunity to go a bit wild, or something like that." "Did I?" "AUTUMN 1997" "It all went so smoothly." "Some people want to work in the acting profession and have to go against the wishes of their parents." "For me it was so harmonious it was almost boring." "It seems a strange thing to say." "Many people wanted to get in and didn't make it." "Maybe it would be more interesting if I hadn't." "On behalf of all my colleagues and the students in the Theatre Department" "I welcome you all." "I open out my arms to receive you." "To help and support you." "Please come up on stage." "Prodromos Antoniadis." "Constanze Becker." "Mandy Müller." "Karina Plachetka." "Congratulations to everyone." "We'll be together four years." "Maybe all 26 of you." "There are two of us." "Margot Dreves and Angelika Waller." "I hope we work well together." "Meaning that a two-o'clock class begins then, not at one minute past." "We will have to get to know one another well." "So we can tolerate each other." "Okay, copy me." "Wait until the last minute to catch her." "No one is forced to do it." "Twice, then swap." "Hamburg." "That was stupid, too." "I think they had room for 22." "And they already had 21." "I was on the last day, S-Z." "They could only take one person." "There were over 100 of us." "That was mean." "Everyone travels there and they could only take one anyway." "That was outrageous." "The next one is Potsdam." "They gave me constructive criticism." "They told me not to be so sweet and innocent." "They said I was lacking something." "I didn't have enough power." "I should express myself." "They also said I had a speech impediment." "And poor coordination." "And they said that I was too tall to go into acting." "And that being tall is a bad thing, somehow." "I think I'll keep applying." "A hundred times?" "Maybe." "Yes, maybe a hundred times." "That would be funny." "Did you plan lots of it?" " We discussed where it might go." " Right." "Did you leave yourselves free to do something which you hadn't planned beforehand?" " We only decided that I'm his sister." " Yes." "And that he had killed our father." "No more than that." "I'll say it again so that it's foolproof." "You must know where you're from and where you're going." "What was the trigger?" "What are your aims?" "Okay, Constanze." "Show us something." " Right now?" " Of course." "We were discussing approaches to naivety and vulgarity." "Whether we can contrast them more sharply." " Sure." " Off you go." "I just have to..." "I've realized I have a new life here." "And that's an exciting thing." "At the same time I have a new freedom." "I'm only responsible to myself." "And I have no one controlling me." "Not directly." "And I can decide how much to tell my parents about my life." "I'd do it if I felt... the relationship were more important." "But that's not how I feel." "I feel that acting is much more important to me." "It's kind of..." "Important is an understatement." "I need to act like I need to breathe." "I'm so obsessed that I'm neglecting my relationship." "It was really strange last week." "She rang me." "I was walking around the flat." "I was absorbed in the role." "I was walking around being Travis Bickle." "I was exploring the flat." "It's a new space for me." "And so it's a new space for Travis." "I wanted to get Travis's perspective of the flat." "She called me and I answered." "I was completely confused." ""Oh, Gitti!"" "I stand among strangers in a rattling lift, travelling upwards." "I'm dressed like a clerk or a worker on Sunday." "Time is the decisive factor." "Only five minutes early is truly punctual." "Only five minutes early is truly punctual." "Right?" "It's a very important sentence for..." "For a functionary or bureaucrat." "You mustn't add anything to the meaning." "Yes." "Those words are simply..." "They could be an epitaph on your grave." "I have tried to present the Fischer-Lichte model." "How applicable is it to the examples we have seen?" "Does theatre have any norms?" "We could say the whole performance is a superstructure." "It's a very complex, diverse polyphonic construction shaped and formed by very heterogeneous materials." "It points in a specific direction." "At the moment I'm enrolled for Theatre Studies." "I started off doing four courses." "Now I only go to one." "It's really stupid." "The one I still attend is the dullest of all." "I go because it's at the best time." "Introduction to Performance Analysis." "It's absolute madness." "I feel kind of sorry for my parents." "Kirsten Seidenschwan." "Cornelia Ziyr." "Dana Schmidt." "Fabian Sommer." "Stephanie Stremler." "Open the door!" "How are you?" "I'm Zoe Mill, Blaise-Gillespie Agency." "I hope they informed you I was coming." "Well." "Here I am." "Ms Stremler, please." "We'd like to invite you to the audition." "You've really improved since last year." " We suggest you play another role." " Gretchen is really nothing special." "But your other role amused us and we liked your song very much." "It was good." "You have comic talent." "The Stremlers', hello?" "Hello, it's Stephanie." "Is my mum there?" " She won't be back till 5:30." " I see." "Okay." "And my..." "Okay, thanks." " That's fine." "Bye." " Bye." "After this, when I think about how they had no faith in me." "I feel..." "Well, I feel furious, actually." "Okay." "Try to throw yourself into it." "When I interrupt, try to stay in character." "It is very difficult." "But after last rehearsal" "I'd like you to put some effort into it." "The knocking's back." "What knocking?" "It's the second night I've heard it." "I don't think that's a good omen for me." "You're not involved enough." "I don't get the impression that you're terrified." "You have to show real fear." "Yes, it's..." "We shouldn't get bogged down in it." "When I hammed it up you seemed more satisfied." "I'm a bit confused, I feel somewhat stunned." "You didn't say anything about that." "I'm not sure how to approach this." "I need a break." "Before I came to college" "I knew people who had been asked to leave." "And I've seen that they have a real problem with that." "That having to leave really hurt them." "They felt misunderstood." "Now they don't know what to do with their lives." "That really frightened me." "Somehow." "When I contradict, the teacher says that I'm isolating myself." "And that maybe the teachers don't want to work with me." "In other words, when I... put too much of myself into it." "And when I contradict so much." "Then they add, "But that's not a threat"." "But it is a threat." "After the third black mark you're out." "You get a black mark when you get an E or a D-." "If your grade is a fail." "You can only have three." "No, you can only have two." "You get three and you're out." "Prod, we're not getting anywhere." " Are you..." " But it's normal that..." "Best not say anything." "Prod, it's silly." "It's annoying." "If you show you're not having fun or that you're bored or that it's not interesting then it spoils the entire rehearsal." "And throws doubt on the actor's attitude to his work." " Are you aware what effect you have?" " No." "No, I'm not." "Sometimes actors feel the director is focusing on others." ""He's giving her too much time and not paying attention to me."" "Sometimes actors feel neglected." "Do I seem like I can't articulate my wishes?" " No." " Exactly." "So this is ridiculous." " It's pissing me off, to be honest." " That's okay." "Fine." "Let's take a short break." " Constanze!" " Yes." "Be more adventurous." "That's the decisive factor." "You need energy." "You're too lethargic." "It's awful that I'm dependent on such losers." "He's the one who decides if I'm a good or bad actor." "Constanze, explain what you're doing." "Try to describe it." "I'm fighting against him." "I won't be dragged down." "I'm a good fighter." "I have a lot of experience." "What's happening in the scene?" "Give me one sentence." " I liked "fighting machine"." " But that's not a description." "It doesn't say what's happening." "What can be happening?" "We ask, "What does she want?"" "You should have a clear picture of that." "I'm throwing myself into training." "I'm boxing off aggression." "Put it more concretely." "That was two short sentences." " That wasn't my task." " But now it is." "What is she doing?" "You said you're throwing yourself into training." " Yes." " Good." "So do it." "Her energy is petering out instead of asserting itself." "I've said my lines." "Now I use my body to punctuate." "Show me you're fired up, non-verbally, para-linguistically." "Now the trainer comes in." "Constanze has a second career option." "If you don't succeed in acting you can always earn a living as a kickboxer." "Whatever you say." "Good." "Let's solidify it, wake it up." "Constanze is slowing down again." "We'd better move on." "Or she'll start baking pretzels up there." "That wasn't acting." "I don't think that was acting." "It was too vague." "You were so indecisive." "You just stood there." "It seems to me that you have the same old problem." "Indecision." "It's not getting anywhere, you see?" "Okay." "But we have to get through somehow." " Don't be sad." " No, it's just that..." " That's life, isn't it?" " Yes." "Okay, the next two, please." "I think I will have to find a way to be more... more resolute and to better express what I want." "How can I explain it?" "To get away from... doing what she wants and instead to do what I want." "But I don't have the confidence." "I don't feel secure enough." "I don't have the courage to show my true self on stage." "I don't feel people can get inside what I'm trying to do." "I don't know exactly." "But I definitely feel insecure." "I can't seem to do anything to satisfy her." "We are at their mercy." "They are..." "I'm sacrificing a large part of myself." "For acting." "If I didn't, it wouldn't work." "Something hurts and I don't know what it is." "Something isn't working." "I'm somehow deficient." "What should I do?" "Where should I go?" "Should I give up?" "Or should I carry on?" "Arise, Johanna!" "Leave thy flock." "The Lord appoints thee another task." "Receive this banner!" "Gird thee with this sword!" "Therewith exterminate my people's foes." "Conduct to Rheims thy royal master's son." "And crown him with the kingly diadem!" "And when the third night she revealed herself wrathful she seemed and spake," ""Obedience, woman's duty here on Earth."" "They have to accept me." "They have to." "Otherwise..." "They just have to accept me." "Ms Stremler with me, please." "It's much nicer for us to tell someone they've passed." "It really was an easy decision to make." "And it was unanimous." "Wait here a moment please." "Good." "Yes." "I haven't taken it in yet really." "Yes, it was just..." "All of them wanted me." "All of them." "And they were..." "Yes." "She almost cried." "That's crazy." "And she said she was thinking of me and talking to me in her head." "And that she hopes I make it." "I'm really happy about that." "She was... even more emotional about it than me." "FINAL DAYS OF FIRST COLLEGE YEAR 1998" "Constanze has become a natural leader." "She drew a team of four along very well." "Sometimes she is very effusive and vivacious." "She must watch out she doesn't overwhelm the others." "She is very good at showing a character's journey and emotions." "I think she has injected a new quality into her acting." "I noticed that Constanze's shoulders have relaxed." "She is softer." "I think Constanze is tough and can take on major tasks." "She is ideal for tragic figures such as Mary Stuart or Johanna." "She will shine in the roles of powerful female figures." "Prod, every performance is a test." "In teacher review sessions they vote for or against, or abstain." "The majority agreed that you failed." "I understand you see this as a blow." "And as a threat to your studies and to your very existence." "If you fail three times you could be asked to leave." "But I think the results show they mainly assessed your attitude." "Yes, so Ms Waller told me." "There was a general consensus on that." "You give people the impression you think they're idiots." "That and your distaste for self-criticism make it difficult for teachers to approach you." "You're hard to work with." "They just want to break people, right?" "SPRING 1999" " Constanze, what's the time?" " Twenty-five to." " Constanze?" " Yes?" " Do you have the sponge?" " I never use it." "Is Karina here yet?" "Karina?" "Can you help me do my hair?" "You're good at things like that." " Nothing great." "It just has to stay." " I don't think it will." "Put a couple more pins in." "Somewhere." "In the White Horse Inn By Lake Wolfgang" "Happiness waits at the door" "And daily calls, "Good morrow!"" ""Come in and forget your sorrow."" "And should you ever have to leave" "Were our lips to meet" "If you close your eyes..." "Right." " Lf you close them from the start..." " I'm absent." "Wait until you get to the actual moment." "And you're too quick." "You mustn't rush it like that." "Concentrate." "Inject passion into it, despite the heat." "Right." "You're kissing her down here." "You decided that together." "I suppose?" "When you embrace her move up to her mouth." "That is what I would recommend." "Your mouth must relax." "You can't kiss like this." "Then when you part..." "No one will believe you're lovers, whatever you say." "Try it again." "Give me a polished performance." "Show off your talent." "Good." "Let's take a short break." "So you can cool down a little." "It's really stupid when you can't believe in the role." "I can't get inside my character." "I can't make myself believe that I'm in love with you." "I don't know where to find those feelings." "It's really difficult." "Just to play at being in love." " To try to feel it." " It comes from inside." "But how does it work?" "You can't..." "Actors remember what being in love was like and the memory of it makes them feel in love again." "Perhaps you can act love well if your real life is lacking it." "Ischl is nice, Gmünden is nice But I'd go to Ahlbeck in a trice!" "The sand is white, the prawns sweet And the flounder is a treat." "Mountains are nice, valleys are nice But I'd go to Treptow in a trice!" "When you are on Wannsee beach You'll know what..." "Ischl is nice, Gmünden is nice I'd go to Ahlbeck in a trice!" "And then it goes..." "Not this jolly:" ""The prawns sweet"." "Don't say," ""I don't want to go to Ahlbeck because it's like this and that"." "Instead, be absolutely sure in your mind." "First reason, second, third, fourth, fifth, period." " Daddy!" " What is it?" "I don't want to go to Ahlbeck." "We go there every year." "I'm 20 and all I know is Ahlbeck." "The same hotel every year." "And, Daddy..." "The Baltic Sea is full of jellyfish." "There are no jellyfish here." "Well, then." "Take the suitcases back upstairs." "Bring those cases back down!" "Your voice should rise when you say that." "Bring those cases back down!" "Get it perfect!" "I did this ballet jump backwards which should be done forwards." "I landed on a straight leg." "And it just gave way." "And I thought," ""No, don't snap, leg!"." "I jumped up again." "And my kneecap twisted to the side." "I lay there and saw there was a hole where my knee should be." "My knee was here." "It had twisted around." "Then two ambulance bullies arrived." "They said, "That looks bad, you'll need an operation"." "Of course, I went home." "Because an operation would have meant missing college for six weeks." "I couldn't have coped with that." "For me back then one week would have been too much." "And now I've missed seven months." "If I'd have known that then I'd have had the operation at once." "I can't imagine she won't get a job when she has finished her studies." "I mean..." "I doubt that very much." "I'm 100 percent certain." "I know she will find something." "But she won't do just anything." " Let's eat now." " I don't know if should say this." "She refuses to sell herself cheaply." "She won't shoot any tacky films or adverts or anything like that." "TV series on RTL." "I'd love to see her in something like that, for example." "Good Times, Bad Times." "They're actors too." "They attract thousands and thousands of viewers." "But people say they aren't actors." "People come up to you on the street." "They discuss whether or not you look good." "They're not interested in ability." "Maybe soap stars are better than professionals." "Why don't they act in it?" "The Karina of two years ago could have done it." "But I'm not her any more so I can't do it." "I feel it is my duty to the profession." "To my training and to myself especially." "I'm not sure." " Is she being honest?" " What do you mean, honest?" "It's a profession." "I think professionals should be willing to do everything." "If I'm a butcher, I have to slaughter pigs and calves, and cows." "I can't say" "I'll only slaughter pigs." "SPRING 2000" "Heaven is above all of us." "It rises up, above us all." "Heaven is above all of us." "It rises up, above us all." "Have mercy upon one another." "Don't fade yourself out of the scene." "Don't distance yourself from your lover." "For about 9 months" "I've had roles where I stand and watch." "Where I'm not given any opportunity to grow." "I feel unfulfilled just providing people with cues." "Get ready for a scene change." "Can you jump again?" "Yes, I'll do it again." "Who does have a nice life?" "No one." "I can see it." ""Who does have a nice life?"" ""I can see it", then droop your head." "We need that resigned nod." "It's terrible to see how others are offered it on a plate when I'm not." "And of course I ask myself why that is." "Could it really be that I'm not actually any good?" "I hear things like that all the time from all directions." ""In two years you still haven't found your own style."" "Things like that." ""You don't want to progress."" "Stuff like that." "Great!" "They don't look properly." "PAWNBROKER'S" " Hello." " Hello." " I'd like to pawn my guitar." " Do you have a receipt for it?" " Yes, it's here." " Can I see it?" " This is you?" " Yes, that's me." " I don't want to sell it." " How much money do you need?" " I need about 1500 for now." " 1500." "I can give you about..." "I can offer you 600 marks." "You can pawn this guitar for 600." "No more, I'm afraid." " It's not much for a guitar like this." " But you do get it back again." "You're just leaving it as a deposit." "You have a point." " Let's do it." " Fine." "I need it for my normal living costs." "For things like rent and food." "That's why I need the money." "It's warm." "Being a student is a battle for survival." "Just basic necessities such as health insurance." "You can't even afford those." "It's crazy." "I wouldn't say that I have quality of life right now." "This lifestyle robs you of your pride and dignity." "It makes you feel a bit like worthless trash." "Touch my roots up." " You want black too?" " Yes." " Stefan's sick of being blond." " Right." "With dark hair you have more character." "Hail, queen!" "Of Persia's high-zoned dames supreme." "Age-honour'd mother Of the potent Xerxes." "Imperial consort" "Of Darius, hail!" "Well, now." "My friends." "Advise me." "Prudence guides your councils." "You whose experienced age supports the state of Persia." "Indulge me, friends." "Apart from my first year at college" "I've always played more mature women, women with lots of experience." "And it did make me unhappy somehow." "The climax came with Atossa in Persians." "She's a respected elder, an aged woman." "I wanted out." "Ms Waller said they wouldn't be able to pass me off as a young girl." "There are enough little blondes for that." " That's..." " Oh, it's a transistor!" "A transistor, that's right." "In Israel it's wonderful." "I saw him and he likes me exactly the way I am." "He likes all of me." "Whatever I do." "Even things that I used to think..." "He even loves the things about me that I believed were contemptible." "That feels so good." "When I come here I know that I can do whatever I want." "And he still loves me." "It is getting brighter." "But I can feel hell burning." "Father!" "I'm alive." "I'm sitting here." "That means something." "It's dark." "It is." "It's dark." "I can't really say." "They certainly tried to break me." "I don't know if they succeeded but they made me feel insecure." "It was good old Waller who..." "She was the last joker who threatened to expel me." "She can't do a thing." "She never could." "But at first I let her frighten me." "But recently, in the last year, eighteen months or something like that" "I have managed to gradually become my own person again." "I want to see where it's going." ""I'm going to kill myself"." "The situation was clear." "You just have to get there." ""I'll open the window and jump." "No window, I'll drown myself."" "It must be torturous." "What are you doing?" "My tongue is dry." "I must cure myself, don't you see?" "Don't move, I tell you." "I'm not 16 any more." "Think I'd put a bullet in my heart?" "I'm still too young for that." "We'll do it soon." "But I need something else." "You see?" "If he doesn't kiss her and make love to her." "There must be another reason." "I feel I'm close to realizing my ambition." "Of being an actor." "And I'm much more... restless than I was before." "It's not that I'm scared, it's rather that I'm..." "looking forward to achieving something." "I'm so close to achieving my goal." "To the finish line." "If only I had stayed the animal I was before a man made me his wife." "Who are you?" "Who dressed you in the bodies of my children?" "What sort of animal lurks behind your eyes?" "Are you playing dead?" "You can't fool your mother." "You're actors, liars and traitors." "Possessed by dogs, rats, snakes." "I hear you howl, whistle and hiss." "Oh, I'm so clever." "I'm Medea." "People from an agency came to the last performance." "They're interested in me." "An agency looks for jobs on your behalf." "For three years I've had no time to earn money." "Working with the agency gives me a chance to change that." "I'll see but they sounded nice on the phone." "What direction do you want to head in?" "What's your goal?" "Well, I would like to hit the big time." "Film, initially." "I think that's more..." "Film's my thing." "Cinema is the big time for you?" "Yes." "But not just German cinema." "I want to go beyond that." "You play guitar, bass and drums." " And I sing." " What voice register?" "Well, bass or baritone." " I'd say baritone." " More baritone." "Not tenor?" " Baritone." " Can you give us a sample?" "Just go for it." "In the White Horse Inn By Lake Wolfgang" "Happiness waits at the door" "And daily calls, "Good morrow!"" ""Come in."" ""And forget your sorrow."" "And should you ever have to leave That would make your heart ache" "Because it has found a new home" "In the White Horse by the lake." "Okay." " We'll discuss it." " Right." "Wait for us in here." "We'll leave you in peace to decide whether you want to work with us." "Back soon." "Perhaps they have to discuss it." "Something I didn't pick up on." "But I do have the feeling that they're interested." "Perhaps she's uncertain." "She kind of broke off the conversation." "But she was certain." " Firing squad." " Firing squad." " Lf you want us..." " We want you." "Wonderful." " Let's go for it." "Glad to have you." " Yes." "Thank you." "I'd better sit down." " Great." " Good." " Cheers." " To us." "I'm sure we'll work well together." "What is it in Greek?" "What exactly?" "Cheers." "Real sparkling wine." "In the East we only get Rotkäppchen." "AUTUMN 2000 FINAL WEEKS OF THE COURSE" "I'm pleased that I... that I'm able to cry over leaving here." "For a long time I thought..." "I'd leave and never want to think about the place again." "I too was once a child." "But then I grew in might." "I became a man overnight." "Tenderness set me free." "My love to her I swore." "One moment of passion." "I knew my time had come." "I was a boy no more." "I swear to you I flew." "Heaven was in my hands." "I truly was a man." "But then she was untrue..." "And that's how it began." "But today I am here." "Swiss, Austrian and German theatre directors watch the performance." "They select the actors they want to buy." "That decides where you launch your career." "Where, how and whether you get a job." "Straight after graduation." "When my May Day prayer was done" "The May Day night began." "Our foe ambushed us all too well." "The dance is over." "What should I do?" "An unknown face." "And no one to administer the last rites." "Suddenly he jumps up!" "I feel a sort of contempt." "It's a kind of meat market." "The people look pathetic to me." "They sit shuffling the forms with the photos." "Write on the back if they need you or not." "They sit in judgement." "You stand there and get scrutinized." "And so on, to the end of my life." "There are four civilized ways to make money." "Finding it, winning the lottery, inheriting it or stealing in God's name." "Whoever earns his money otherwise is a scoundrel." "Because one who works is subtly committing suicide." "And a suicide is a criminal." "Therefore, whoever works is a scoundrel." "That was great." "I'll take a shower." "We're standing here." "We're at the end now." "You look curious But the choice is yours." "Don't just sit there applauding" "While we bow." "Give us a job!" "Or we'll do it" "All again!" "The time's gone by." "Bye, bye, moon of June." "The time's gone by." "The time's gone by." "Bye-bye, bye-bye!" " Just a quick word." " What?" "What?" "An agent called Ms Tatsch." " I see." " She's very interested in Prod." "She left you her card." "And there's a job offer for you." "It's not at the Burgtheater." "But it's a wonderful theatre." "In St. Gallen." "It's really good." " Where's that?" " By Lake Constance." "The theatre has a loyal regular audience." " I recommend it." " Really?" " Thank you." " My pleasure." "St. Gallen." "Okay." "Thanks a lot." " We'll let you know." " Soon." " We'll be in touch." " I'll see you then." "Dear Constanze Becker," "Please sign both copies and return one to me." "Don't forget to include your bank details." "Leipzig." "What the hell did you do?" " Have a good day." " Are we going for a coffee?" "Yes, I am happy." "Sometimes I even think... it can't be true." "It's just too good." "My life at the moment." "I have everything I really want." "I look forward to going to work every day." "And seeing the people there." "St. Gallen." "In deinem Lebenslauf steht, du warst an der Ernst-Busch-Akademie." " Und du hast einen Abschluss gemacht." " Ja, letztes Jahr." " Und dann?" " Was willst du in Amerika?" "Spielen!" " Kannst du das auch?" " Ja." "Kannst du etwas vorsprechen?" " Einen Monolog." " Einen Monolog?" "Hast du etwas vorbereitet?" "Nicht auf Englisch." "Ich habe das nicht gewusst." "Tut mir Leid." " Nichts auf Englisch, was wir kennen?" " Nein." "Nur was auf Deutsch." "Seit wann bist du in Amerika?" " Seit einem Monat." " Und weshalb?" "Um zu sehen, ob ich hier gebraucht werde." "Ob ich hier arbeiten kann." " Sehr nett." " Was ist daran so lustig?" " Was dachtest du..." " New York hat genug Schauspieler!" " Wirklich?" " Ich habe das noch nie gehört, seit ich hier arbeite." "Irgendwann ist immer das erste Mal." " Du bist also seit einem Monat hier." " Ja." "Und du willst rauskriegen ob wir dich brauchen." " So ist das zu verstehen, oder wie?" " Tut mir Leid." "Ist in Ordnung, wenn ihr meint, wir passen nicht zusammen oder wenn..." "Weißt du, was unser letzter deutscher Schauspieler gerade macht?" "Er gibt Schauspielunterricht in Argentinien." " Spaß beiseite." " Du willst in Amerika spielen?" " Ja, das will ich." " Dann musst du lächeln können." " Da du sagst, dass ich schön lachele." " Doch." "Du hast ein nettes Lächeln und nette Grübchen." "Wenn du das wirklich machen willst, musst du professioneller sein." "Wenn du das machen willst brauchst du ein gewisses Werkzeug." " Hast du ein Foto?" " Ja, zwei." "Damit wir eins haben." " Das ist gar nicht schlecht." " Das ist in Ordnung." "Ich habe auch ein Video." "Ich erkenne in 20 Sekunden, ob er Talent hat oder nicht." " Es ist ein Kurzfilm." " Wo bist du?" " Da." " Ich langweile mich schon." "Wir haben keine Zeit." "Ich kann dir eines unserer Videos zeigen." "Sollst du da etwas zurückgeblieben sein?" " Bist du verrückt?" " Ja." "Geistig behindert." "Nicht schlecht." "Es hat die Stimmung im Raum verändert." " Du kannst also spielen." " Danke!" "Weißt du, wie viele hierher kommen, die nicht spielen können?" "Würdet ihr mich empfehlen?" "Nicht, um einen Deutschen zu spielen." " Du könntest einen Russen spielen." " Die Deutschen sind nicht mehr böse." "Das sind nicht mehr die Deutschen." "Die Bösen sind jetzt die Russen." "Manchmal auch die Araber oder Inder." "Wenn du arbeiten willst, spielst du einen Russen." "Ich bin vorbereitet." " Du willst einen Russen spielen?" " Du trägst die passende Jacke." " Du könntest als Russe durchgehen." " Ein russischer Sportler." "Wir haben dich zum Star gemacht." "Wir sind in Netanya." "Eine schöne Stadt." "Ich liebe Netanya." "Kommt nach Netanya!" "Liebe Stephanie, wir alle unterstützen dich, obwohl wir nicht immer alles verstehen, was du machst." "Aber es ist immerhin dein Leben." "Brigitte und ich freuen uns sehr, mit unserer neuen Familie in Israel zusammen zu sein." "Ich möchte mich bedanken bei Stephanies Eltern." "Und zwar dafür, dass sie diese kostbare Blume in unsere Familie gebracht haben." "Das habt ihr wunderbar gemacht!" "Vielen Dank." "Micha." " Willst du meine Liebe sein?" " Ja." " Mein bester Freund?" " Ja." " Mein Mann?" " Ja." "Stephanie, willst du meine Liebe sein?" "Ja." " Meine beste Freundin?" "Meine Frau?" " Ja." "Come on, we'll let them shoot us." "Two bullets deep in our brains." "Come on, we'll let them shoot us." "I have nothing to lose or gain." "Come on, we'll let them shoot us." "Sunday morning, five to ten." "You know I've always hated Sunday And I can't face another Monday." "Dresden." "I feel as if all I've been doing is working." "I wouldn't say I don't have a single social contact." "I know my flatmate well." "And one or two others." "But I feel that I'm lonely again." "I spend my whole life in the theatre." "The net of Hades." "Oh, no." "She is her own net." "Bedfellows, fellow murderers." "Bedfellows, fellow murderers." "ADDICTED TO ACTING" "I would like to discover what I have inside me." "I don't know if that's a vain hope." "Let's see." "Karina has had major roles in films for TV and cinema." "Despite many offers, she aims to stay true to the theatre." "When I commit myself to something I focus completely on that." "And nothing else in my life can be nearly as important." "Since autumn 2003 Constanze has acted in Düsseldorf." "She also teaches at the Leipzig drama school." "Now she is trying her hand at directing." "I'm scared of being too optimistic." "Scared of getting my hopes up." "In autumn 2002 Prodromos left New York for Germany." "His Hamburg agent finds him TV movie roles." "Prodromos hopes to find the role of a lifetime." "The bigger your fear is" "the more courageous you are if you can overcome it." "Since September 2002" "Stephanie has had leading roles at Kassel Theatre." "She intends to live in Israel one day."