"Orville!" "After you finish flying thejet ship for the children, bring them back to the orphanage." "Then cut the lawn and water the plants." "All right, Miss Pliny." "All right, gang." "Keep your eye on the jet plane." "Orville, do you know how a jet works?" "Of course!" "I know how a jet plane works and rocket ships and spaceships." "How does a spaceship work?" "Sure." "A spaceship?" "A spaceship." "First, you've got to have a lot of space." "And then..." "You want me to learn you how to spin a top?" "How does a spaceship work?" "Spaceship." "All you do is pull a string and away it goes!" "Nonsense!" "Anyone who has studied nuclear physics... knows its engine operates according to thermodynamic laws, using a working fluid ofliquid hydrogen as a propellant." "This is accelerated and expelled by a nuclear reactor, enriched largely by the use of a fissible U-235 isotope, giving the necessary thrust to the interplanetary mission." "Do we make ourselves clear?" "Sure." "Just like I said, pull a string and away it goes." "Like that." "Now, that's right around the corner..." "Cheese it!" "The cop!" "Oh, it's that Orville again!" "A spaceship!" "Hey." "How'd you get here?" "I sneaked into your truck." "What are you doing?" "I'm drawing pictures of the spaceship, so I can show the gang." "The gang?" "A spy, huh?" "What's your name?" "Orville." "Orville." "Where're you from?" "The Hideaway." "The Hideaway!" "That does it!" "I'm taking you to see Dr. Wilson." "Come on!" "May I see your identification, please?" "I am Dr. Orvilla." "I want to see Dr. Wilson." "Just a moment." "Dr. Wilson's office." "Miss Howe speaking." "Send him in, please." "Come in." "Beautiful, isn't it?" "I think frightening's a better word." "Don't tell me you wouldn't like to spend your honeymoon on Mars?" "I'll settle for Niagara Falls." "Dr. Orvilla's on his way in." "I'm anxious to get the meeting started." "How about the newspapers?" "They're still insistent on a press release." "Tell them we're not ready yet." "Will you stop pushing me?" "Push me once more, I'm gonna haul off and..." "Have you had enough?" "Come on!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Where's the Doc?" "In the conference room." "Call him up." "Tell him I caught a spy." "His name's Orville." "Orville?" "You mean Dr. Orvilla." "He isn't a spy." "Dr. Wilson's been waiting for you." "For me?" "He didn't want to start the meeting without you, Doctor." "I'm, I'm no doctor." "I know." "You're listed in Who's Who as a professor of aeronautical science." "Lester, tell Dr. Wilson Dr. Orvilla's here." "All right, but someone's making a terrible mistake." "Professor of aeronautical science." "What makes a balloon go up?" "Hot air?" "What's keeping you down?" "Ha-ha." "Hey, who are you?" "I am Dr. Orvilla." "Oh, that's all right." "Uh, wait a minute!" "For your information, I just left Dr. Orville in Dr. Wilson's office." "For your information, Dr. Orvilla standing right-a here!" "Wait." "I just left Dr. Orville." "He's short, fat and dumb." "I am Dr. Orvilla." "The only people is-a dumb is-a you." "We'll let Dr. Wilson decide that." "Come on." "I walk-a by myself." "Dr. Wilson will be right in." "Eek!" "There you are." "There's Dr. Orvilla!" "How dare you tell-a the people you're Dr. Orvilla!" "I didn't tell them." "They told me." "You told a big lie." "I didn't tell a lie." "They told a lie." "I'm Orville." "See, Orville." "He don't even know how to say the name." "The name is Orvilla." "No, Orville!" "Ma questo e'propio pazzo." "You mind hold-a this, please?" "No, sir." "The name is Orvilla." "I don't go for that kind of stuff." "Now cut it out." "My name is Orville." "Che ti possono mangiare.!" "I'm-a gonna give you a maccharone.!" "Ooh." "The name is Orvilla!" "You hold that." "Cut it out slapping me in the face." "My name is Orville." "You make-a me lose-a my temper!" "The name is Orvilla!" "Hold that." "Now I'm gettin' sick and tired of that stuff." "Let Dr. Wilson decide." "And the one who isn't Dr. Orvilla is gonna go to jail for a long, long time." "I'm Orvilla." "How can he be Orvilla?" "He don't even-a speak-a like me." "I think I even-a speak-a better-a than-a you." "No mock-a me." "Who's-a mocking' you?" "Eeep!" "Eee!" "Here, here, here, here!" "None of that!" "None of that!" "Dr. Orvilla!" "I don't know how this happened, but I want to apologize." "Don't-cha mention it." "That's all right." "Take-a this impostor, this impostor fazzule.!" "Take him to jail." "Oh, no she don't." "Anyone she's-a gonna go to a-jail, gonna be you." "Don't-cha mock-a me." "I don't think we should put him in jail." "He hasn't done any harm." "He saw the spaceship." "Oh, that's too bad." "Now that it's completed, I'd hate to have the news leak out." "I won't tell anyone." "We'd better keep you with us at least for the time being." "Lester'll take care of you." "I'll take care of him, Doc." "This way, Dr. Orvilla." "You little foreigner, you!" "Oh, no, you don't!" "Uh-oh." "Here I go again!" "Good morning, gentlemen." "Morning." "You all know Dr. Orvilla." "How do you do, Doctor." "Won't you be seated, please." "I appreciate the fact that some of you have traveled a great distance to be here." "And I'm very happy to say that after years of research and effort, our project has finally reached a state of completion." "The spaceship is ready to fly?" "As Dr. Wilson-a say, if it wasn't for the matter, we'd put a few supplies on a-board, she could-a be launch-a today." "The problems that confront us are choice of destination and the selection of a crew." "Since all of us are eminently qualified to be observers," "I suggest a crew be selected by drawing lots." "Gentlemen, the moon is the closest of all astronomical bodies." "But due to its proximity, there's a wealth of detail visible through powerful telescopes." "Within our fuel range are the planets Venus and Mars." "One of these should be our destination." "Each of you have before you a sheet of paper... on which you will write the choice of your destination, and a brief explanation of why you've chosen this particular planet." "Orville, help me unload the truck." "Okay!" "Why did you take a box from up there?" "Well, this here one was closer." "Give me a hand!" "Yes, sir." "No!" "Get on board!" "Get on board!" "All right!" "I'll hand you this box." "Go on, get up there." "Here you are." "Get ahold of it." "If there's anything else I want you to do, I'll do it myself!" "What happened at the meeting?" "We selected our crew." "I suppose you're among the lucky ones." "I built the ship, Janie." "And you wouldn't ask anyone to do anything you wouldn't do yourself." "Where do we go from here?" "Mars." "When are you going?" "As soon as we get all our supplies aboard." "What are they, football uniforms?" "Certainly not." "They're space suits." "Hey, Les, don't I look like a piece of bubble gum?" "Put that back." "The doctor and his crew are gonna need those... when they get up where there's no oxygen." "Put it up there." "Didn't I tell you not to wear those helmets?" "Now, take it off!" "Soon as my back is turned, you put 'em on." "Now, you're a fine friend." "You won't let me put it on, but you put it on." "Aah!" "Stow away those boots!" "Stow away those boots!" "Go on!" "Baffled, eh?" "Yeah." "Those shoes are heavy." "Well, certainly." "The gravity plates on those boots are magnetized." "Oh!" "Now, stow them away." "Now, stow them away." "Stow them away!" "I told you to stow those boots away." "I thought you said throw them away." "Eeep!" "Ooh." "My head!" "Now, come here." "Oh, Dr. Wilson." "Let me help you." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "How's it going, Lester?" "Everything's loaded, Doc." "Ready to take off." "Fine." "Would you mind helping me check the control panel?" "Oh, sure." "Fuel." "Fuel." "Okay." "Oxygen." "Oxygen." "Okay." "Interplanetary communicator." "In..." "Oxygen." "Okay." "Excuse me." "Here comes the crew." "I want to bring them aboard for a final check." "Dr. Wilson, is there anything else I can do?" "I'm afraid not, Orville." "This kind of work requires a high I.Q. A what?" "High I.Q. Hi, I.Q. too." "Let me help you." "That's all right." "Thank you." "This Dr. Wilson, he's pretty good goin' up..." "Ohh!" "Huh?" "What's the matter?" "Ohhh!" "What's the mat..." "Hey, Les." "Oh, Les!" "Uh-huh?" "What?" "The doctor, he forgot to check this one." "Get your hand off there!" "Dr. Wilson, look!" "Don't touch these switches!" "Hey, the doctor didn't check these." "What did you..." "What did you touch?" "Oh, Les!" "Les!" "This is disastrous!" "Come on-a back." "You no can-a do this!" "What are you gonna do?" "Contact Lester by shortwave... and tell him how to land!" "Hey, what happened?" "Earthquake?" "Must've been." "It's a lucky thing for us you didn't press the right button." "You'd have launched us into space!" "We better get out of here before something happens." "Lester!" "I don't wanna go to the moon." "If I wanted green cheese, I'd go to the delicatessen." "You're not going to the moon." "We're heading for Mars." "K-A-5-7-4-9 calling Rocket Ship M-1." "Rocket Ship M-1, come in." "Over." "It's no use." "I don't suppose either of them knows how to operate a radio." "What'll happen to them?" "Unless they accidentally enter a gravitational sphere of another planet, they may drift around in space forever." "How awful." "Calling Experimental Laboratory." "Calling Experimental Laboratory." "We're up in the air!" "How do we get down?" "Over." "Over where?" "Aargh." "Calling Experimental Laboratory." "Come in." "Over." "If you don't come in, it's gonna be all over!" "Come..." "Come in!" "Come in!" "Come in!" "Right away!" "Les!" "Turn it." "Turn it!" "Will you get in that seat?" "K-A-5-7-4-9 calling Rocket Ship M-1." "Rocket Ship M-1, come in." "Over." "Calling Experimental Laboratory." "Calling Experimental Laboratory." "Get me down, will ya?" "I want to collect my Social Security." "You can't collect Social Security until you're 65." "I just aged 30 years." "I'm a nervous..." "Hey, Les, look." "What?" "Look, Les." "Th-Th-The thing is broken." "I'm gonna get outta here." "I'm trying to find how to operate..." "Turn it!" "Here we go again!" " Gimme 50 cents." " What for?" "We're goin' through the Lincoln Tunnel." "Jenkins is really hot today." "What's with you?" "Just saw a rocket ship come out of the Lincoln Tunnel." "Brother, you've had enough!" "We interrupt the ball game to announce that a rocket ship... just flew through the Lincoln Tunnel." "Hey, you." "The next time you come so close to the ground, I'm gonna get out." "Ladies and gentlemen, our mayor has asked that we all remain calm in this emergency." "Everything possible will be done to protect you." "On orders from Washington, the Commander of Strategic Defense... has alerted all branches of the service." "This is not the usual flying saucer scare." "This unidentified aircraft was seen by thousands... as it flew through the Lincoln Tunnel." "Hey, if they no careful, they gonna have accident." "Anyone sighting a strange aircraft, phone your nearest branch of Civilian Air Defense." "What are we gonna do now?" "We either go to Mars or get shot down." "So, we'll go to Mars." "We'll go to Mars." "Eh!" "Hope she's expecting' me." "What am I sayin'?" "Hear this." "Hear this." "Attention all pilots." "Concentrate on air search." "Navy will cover land and sea." "Well." "How you gonna know when we hit Mars?" "How do I know?" "The whole thing wouldn't have happened if I don't push those buttons..." "Don't touch 'em again!" "What's this one for?" "The unidentified aircraft, which terrified New Yorkers, is now definitely known to have landed in an isolated region near New Orleans." "They're rushing the militia to the location." "You'd better call Washington and identify your ship." "What, and be made the laughingstock of the world for letting nitwits steal my ship?" "So far, they no do no harm." "The excitement they have caused may arouse our people from their lethargy... and show them the need for civilian defense." "Janie, get me plane reservations for New Orleans." "Lester!" "Don't ever leave me alone." "Orville, do you realize we are the first persons to land on Mars?" "Hey." "I hereby claim Mars in the name of the United States of America." "Me too." "Ooh!" "Shh." "Grapes!" "Big grapes!" "Hey, no!" "Don't take that off." "Mars might be just like the moon... no atmosphere." "Without oxygen, you could drop dead." "Here, turn around." "Just as I thought, you big dope." "You forgot to turn on your oxygen generator." "Hey, suppose my tank gets empty." "Then you have donated your life to the advancement of science." "No, sir." "Not me." "I'm not gonna donate anything I can't deduct from my income tax." "I don't hear no sound of them prisons crews." "Looks like we lost 'em." "I think we lost ourselves doin' it." "Go find out what made that noise." "Uh-uh, you go." "Wait." "Didn't you tell me not to leave you alone?" "Yeah." "If I go, you'll be here all alone." "That's right." "I never thought of that." "Aah!" "Aah!" "What was it?" "A zebra without any tail." "Maybe Mars is only inhabited by animals." "Let's look around." "Go ahead." "Take it easy." "What'd I see?" "Them guys are dressed for the Mardi Gras." "They must've got loaded." "They're a long way from Canal Street." "I wish we was on Canal Street." "Maybe we could get some clothes." "Come on." "We'll find some." "I am with you." "What's that?" "If I didn't see it with my own eyes," "I wouldn't believe it." "Well, what is it?" "Are you kiddin'?" "That's a spaceship." "Them guys weren't from the Mardi Gras." "They're from Mars." "What's Mars?" "Is that near Hoboken?" "What's Mars?" "Mars is a planet." "The planet is the thing that goes revolving around in space." "How'd it get up there?" "It all depends on whether you subscribe... to the Laplacian Theory of 1796 or whether you subscribe to the Tidal Theory... formulated by somebody in 1919." "Gee, it must be wonderful to have education." "Hey, you don't suppose they got clothes on board we could steal, do you?" "For the first time since I know you, you are showing a gleaming of intelligence." "I am with you." "Hey, I thought you told me things on Mars was different." "Their houses are the same as ours." "Now, listen." "We've got to find the boss man." "Let him know who we are." "Go up there and find out where he is." "Go ahead." "Hey, you!" "Take a look up there." "What'd you find out?" "Take a look." "Hey, there's a girl." "Go over and talk to her." "Should I?" "She won't hurt you." "I'll ask somebody else." "Okay." "Good morning." "Oh, good morning." "Will you not join me in a cup of coffee?" "You speak English up here." "Of course, we all speak English." "Mmm, your costume is wonderful." "Are you going to join us in our party in honor of Rex?" "Who's Rex?" "Rex is king!" "The king, he's the man I want to see." "There will be a big crowd." "But if I cannot see good, I will raise my head higher... so!" "If I cannot see that way," "I will turn my head this way this way... so." "Jules!" "Jules!" "Come quick!" "A glass of wine!" "He is faint." "Lester.!" "Orville!" "Lester!" "Les!" "Hold on." "What's the matter?" "All right." "Take it easy." "What?" "Hey, Les?" "You-You-You talk to that girl there, and her head goes higher." "Talk to her again, and... zip... her head goes sideways." "That's ridiculous!" "Nobody can do that with their head." "I saw it myself!" "Drink of wine?" "It will make you feel better." "Don't give him wine." "Makes his head go 'round." "Mine too!" "Aah!" "Little man, shall we dance?" "You better go ahead dance with her." "It'll promote our diplomatic relations." "Why don't you dance with her?" "What, and set our relations back fifty years?" "Not, not..." "I'll do my share." "Uh, may I have this dance?" "Be my guest." "No, thanks." "I don't care to dance with your relations." "I got my own over here." "Lester!" "Lester, I broke the girl in half." "Look!" "Now you did get us in trouble!" "Let's get out of here!" "Whoo-hoo." "Mugsy, we gotta wear these suits?" "This thing don't do nothin' for my figure." "I would like to ask you one, simple question:" "How many states are you wanted in?" "How many are there?" "Forty-eight." "That's how many." "That just proves my point:" "You ain't safe in this country." "You know what you're gonna do?" "You're gonna leave it." "What?" "It's as simple as all that." "Where are we goin'?" "We're gonna hijack this rocket ship and make them take us to Mars." "Ain't there coppers up there?" "Not that I read about." "I am with you." "First of all, we gotta get walking-around-town money." "Where're we gonna get it?" "We heist a bank!" "In these clothes?" "Didn't I tell you it's Mardi Gras?" "All the citizens are walkin' around in funny-looking costumes." "We just walk in and the cops won't even give us a rumble!" "What are we gonna use for rods?" "This popgun isn't any good." "Here." "Get a load of this." "Did I do that?" "Sure!" "It's a ray gun." "It shoots paralysis rays." "You hit a fink with them and you stiffen 'em out like a plank momentarily." "Later on he's all right again." "Flash Gordon uses one of them." "Yeah?" "What mob does he run with?" "He ain't with no mob!" "You see him in the comic strips all the time." "Oh!" "Come on." "Let's put on our helmets." "We want to be back here before them Martians return." "Listen, you're in a strange country, so watch your step." "Look around." "I can always..." "What's the matter?" "I'm stuck." "I told you those shoes were magnetized!" "Come on, get up." "Get up!" "Pick it up!" "Ow!" "Allow me." "Ow-ow!" "Ahh!" "Ooh!" "Can I help you, sir?" "This is a stickup." "Hand over all big bills." "For a minute I thought you were serious." "But I am serious." "Start sacking' up the loot." "My dear fellow, if you think you can frighten me with a toy pistol..." "Don't give us no trouble." "Guard!" "Okay, Harry, let's get the cash." "This is all we can carry." "Let's get goin'." "Thanks, pal." "Looks quiet enough to me." "They must be having their afternoon siesta." "Hey, Grogan, what happened?" "Grogan!" "Grogan!" "He's stiffer than a new boot!" "And he don't even drink!" "What happened to them?" "Find out." "What happened to you, buddy?" "Buddy!" "Police!" "P-P-Police!" "What happened here?" "We-We-We-We..." "We was invaded!" "Invaded by who?" "By two men from Mars... with space suits and everything, just like you see in the funny paper." "If you don't believe me, ask Mr. Lucas." "What happened to you, Miss Frances?" "Is y'all all right?" "Mr. Lucas." "Wha..." "Wha..." "What happened?" "What's this about two men from Mars?" "The bank was held up by two men in space suits." "If you'll call headquarters, I can give a good description." "Gimme police headquarters." "Hello, headquarters, Hartman reporting." "The State Bank was held up by two men from Mars wearing space suits." "No, I'm not talking from a bar." "I'm in the bank." "Okay, I got it all down, but I don't believe it." "Men from Mars in space suits." "Say, was there anyone hurt?" "Was anybody hurt?" "No." "They shot us all with ray guns." "Please, mister, I can't tell him that!" "That's exactly what happened and it should be reported at once!" " Everybody was shot with a ray gun." " Ray gun!" "Get outta that barroom, you gin-guzzling, whiskey-swiggin' rum hound!" "Hey, now that we're here, how am I gonna eat with this fishbowl on my head?" "The Limburger is excellent today." "That's just what I like!" "Oh, waiter!" "Have you got atmosphere here?" "If it is on the menu, we have it." "No." "Is the air here the same as on Earth?" "Our air is the same as anyplace in the country." "I get a menu." "Well, go ahead and take the helmet off." "Let's see what happens." "Hey, th-th-that's strong atmosphere around here." "Are you sure we didn't land on the moon?" "Certainly not." "Didn't you say the moon was made of green cheese?" "This is no rose garden I smell." "Oh." "Ignore the atmosphere." "We don't want to antagonize these Martians." "Take off your helmet." "We've got to eat." "No." "Take it off!" "Okay." "How was the Limburger, sir?" "Oh, it was excellent!" "Oh, thank you." "Here you are, gentlemen." "Our food is out of this world!" "So is the atmosphere." "Give me one of your native dishes and a little wine." "What will you have?" "Bring me some chlorophyll." "What kind of wine?" "A small bottle of Moselle, Bordeaux or Chambertin?" " What would you like to have me open?" " Open the window!" "The window!" "How do you like this one?" "It, uh..." "It doesn't do enough for you." "It doesn't have enough "chick," like they say in French." "That's what you get for tryin' to peddle merchandise what's got no "chick. "" "Hey, I like this one." "Now you got some class!" "You look like the warden!" "That's the nicest thing you said to me all day." "Well, let us get the loot and be on our merry way." "I am with you." "This year's attendance has broken all Mardi Gras records." "The Crescent City..." "Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt this program for a bulletin from the police department." "Two men believed by police to be the inter-space travelers who created such havoc in New York, and for whom the militia is searching', are spreading' a reign of terror in the city streets." "Accordin' to the police, these men are dressed in green pressure suits... and are wearin' transparent helmets." "I'll repeat the description." "These men are dressed in green pressure suits... and are wearin' transparent plastic helmets." "All police officers are under orders to shoot on sight." "Hey, they should be easy to find." "If they're wearin' green suits like this and a helmet..." "Aah!" "Hey, that's us!" "You are the bank robbers!" "Hey, wait!" "That's it, Orville." "Hold him." "I'll meet you at the spaceship." "Hold him." "Lester!" "Hold him." "Lester!" "Help!" "Police!" "Police!" "Help!" "With all the militia busy searching' for their spaceship, and our police force unable to cope with the crowds here for the Mardi Gras, our mayor has asked that citizens join in a house-to-house search." "We'll run 'em down!" "They oughta be in jail!" "What are we waitin'for?" "Let's look for 'em.!" "Is there anything wrong, officer?" "We're getting up a posse to run down those guys from Mars." "They held up a bank and a clothing store." "My, my." "Harry." "Imagine that." "Men breaking the law." "Yeah, that is disgusting." "You'd better get off the streets." "I concur." "A splendid suggestion." "I think we should get out of town." "I am with you." "It beats me." "The minute we got the call those guys were in the La Parisienne Café, we surrounded the block, and yet they disappeared." "Hey, you!" "Have you seen two guys dressed in suits like they were from Mars?" " You mean, with green space suits and plastic helmets?" " That's them!" "Sorry, didn't see 'em." "How did he know they had green space suits?" "Come on!" "Come on." "Let's get back to the spaceship." "Boy, Am I glad to get away from those Mars people." "Hey, it's a good thing there was no water in there." "All right." "No trace of them yet." "I can't understand why the militia has been unable to locate that rocket ship of mine." "It's possible your ship landed in one of the bayous and is completely submerged in water." "Those criminals must've been lucky enough to escape." "I can't picture Lester or Orville in the role of a desperate criminal." "Nor can I." "Lester's worked for me faithfully for five years." "And I checked on Orville." "He had a good record at the asylum... orphan asylum." "Orville came from there two days ago." "Isn't a kid out of the orphanage two days a little young to be flying a rocket ship?" " Oh, Orville's 38." " Thirty-eight!" "When I put him in jail, remind me to give him his pablum." "Gimme that gun you swiped." "Them guys may be rough." "Here." "Don't ever point a gun at nobody!" "What are you worrying about?" "I never shot nobody by accident." "Stop fooling around with them instruments!" "We'll wait for them Martians to come and let them run the ship." "Hey, talk about fooling' around, they got any dames in this Mars place?" "Naturally, they got dames." "I seen pictures from there." "They got big heads, four arms... and wireless aerials growing' outta their ears." "Ooh, that don't sound very entrancing to me." "They don't sound no worse than some beagles I seen you keeping company with." "Ahh." "Shh." "Leave your space suits out here to dry." "Come on." "Hurry up the ladder." "Come on, make it snappy." "I wanna close that trap so they can't catch us." "Ooh." "Which one do you do?" "You gotta touch one of these." "What are you..." "What are you doing?" "I just about missed it." "Come on." "Get out of the way.!" "And take off those magnetized boots and put on your shoes." "Never mind the shoes." "I told ya to take off the boots and put on your shoes!" "You told me, "Never mind the shoes." "" I didn't say anything of the kind!" "Now, put on your shoes." "Okay." "And don't "okay. " Everything is "okay" with you." "Hey!" "Who are you?" "You're the first persons we've seen who look like human beings." "Frisk him, Harry." "You..." "It's my turn now." "No ray gun." "This one's clean too." "Come on." "Let's get this rocket ship started and take off for Mars." " How can we take off for Mars?" "We're already on Mars!" " How'd you fellas get up here?" "I hate to say it, Mac." "But it's obvious to me that you have flipped your wig!" "Boy, are these guys screwy!" "They think New Orleans is Mars!" "New Orleans?" "Open up that trap door." "No, you don't!" "Get started before my patience is tried." "Honest, mister, we don't know how to operate this ship." "Then, how did you get here?" "All he did was push this button, like that." "Oh, no." "It wasn't that button." "It wasn't this here one." "It was this one." "What could've happened?" "I don't know." "How could they be stupid enough to take off again after they landed safely?" "Dr. Wilson." "Hey, what's that ball down there?" "That's the Earth." "Yeah?" "Boy, I wish the boys at the Louisiana Penitentiary could look up and see me here." "I wish I could look down and see you there." "Why you..." "Hold it, Harry." "Take it easy, pudgy." "This ship can travel faster if we get rid of the excess weight." "Get it?" "I'm with you." "Have you verified your calculations?" "Yes." "I checked Palomar and McDonald Observatories." "Their findings agree with mine." "Then, the ship is about to escape the gravitational pull of the Earth." "Its course from there will naturally be determined by its proximity to the other planets." "The nearest planet would be Venus." "Hey, what did that?" "We've hit outer space." "There's no gravity left anymore." "Hey, you guys are talkin' funny!" "How high is it up to Mars?" "Thirty-five million miles." "Lester?" "Lester!" "Sometimes I don't feel so good." "I wanna get down." "Well, come on down!" "Those gravity shoes will keep you from floating like that hat." "Don't try to pull anything." "You won't get away with it while I have this." "Oh, yeah?" "Now the gun is on the other foot." "Get him, Harry!" "You make a move and I'll shoot." "Go ahead!" "Shoot!" "Are you goin' batty?" "Don't tell the guy to shoot." "What are you waiting for?" "Shoot!" "Gee, Pudgy, according to all astronomical theories, the missile you just fired from a loaded weapon... had no propulsive acceleration due to the absence of gravity;" "therefore, we were in no danger." "Get him, Harry." "We're back to normal!" "Pull the trigger!" "I guess that makes a monkey out of your repulsive..." ""exellation-tation" of your "graviation. "" "And it's the high attitude that's got ya." "F-F-F..." "Flying saucer!" "Oh, you're seeing things." "Oh, no you don't." "Okay, pudgy." "You're the boss man now," "But when the chance comes, I'm gonna push you right off the planet Mars." "That's what you think." "As long as I have this thing, we're not going to Mars." "We're going back to Earth!" "There's no doubt about it, Dr. Wilson." "At this point, your spaceship is about to land on Venus." "Amazing." "Congratulations, Doctor." "You've made a magnificent contribution to the history of science." "Not me!" "Them!" "They did by accident what I wanted to do on purpose." "Being in no mood for conversation, but desirous of information, would it be asking too much to know our present locale?" "Being as I can't see a foot in front of me," "I'd say we're in Los Angeles." "Well, I'd say it's lucky for us that we landed on Earth." "We've run out of fuel!" "Orville, get a cop." "We're gonna fix you guys for getting us blamed for all those robberies in New Orleans." "Hold the gun." "That must be one of those jet pilots!" "Step on it and don't spare the atoms." "We must warn the Queen." "Our planet Venus has been invaded." "What kind of hot rod was that?" "Allura." "Yes." "Captain Olivia, Flying Saucer Patrol X-R-2, reporting." "A rocket ship model R-M has been sighted on our planet." "Patrols have been alerted." "Must've come from the Earth." "We discarded that model 20 years ago." " See that its occupants are captured and brought to me." " Yes, Allura." "Double the palace guard." "If our invaders should be men..." "What does a man look like?" "It's been so long, I've forgotten." "I haven't." "Nor have I forgotten that my man... was the lyingest, cheatingest, double-crossingest male that ever inhabited Venus." "And so were all the rest of them." "But that happened 400 years ago!" "They couldn't have changed." "Guards!" "Guards!" "Corporal!" "Corporal!" "Corporal!" "Corporal!" "They've captured one of the invaders right here in the palace!" "What is it?" "I could be wrong, but I think it's a man." "That's a man?" "As I remember it, they look something like this." "Although this seems to be a pretty poor specimen." "Jerry, check with the patrol." "See if they've captured others." "Yes, Allura." "Can I get up?" "Thank you." "Go ahead." "He looks worse standing up than he did lying down." "Bow to the queen." "Bow to the queen!" "Bow-bow!" "Ow!" "What do you want here?" "I was lookin' for a policeman." "I didn't know this was a movin' picture studio." "You're a bit confused." "This is the planet Venus." "Oh, no." "They were trying to kid me before." "When I was in New Orleans, they were trying to tell me that that was Mars." "And now that I'm on Earth, you're gonna try to tell me that this is Venus?" "Aisha, beam the vis-a-screen." "That..." "That must be the Earth, all right." "Harry is still practicing his piano lessons." "I wanna tell ya." "I'm really mixed up around here." "I'm mixed up all over." "All I've been doin' is flyin' up and down, goin' sideways and backwards." "It's getting so that I'm..." "I'm tired." "I gotta sit down." "Look!" "The celestial beam of light." "It faded out 400 years ago when men were banished from our planet." "Could it be a sign that men are to return to us again?" "Maybe it's an omen." "An omen?" " Omen?" " Oh, men!" "Silence, all of you!" "We've done well without men." "Our science, art, medicine and culture... surpass that of any other civilization." "We have discovered the secret of eternal life." "We live in tranquillity and peace." "Are we to destroy this by bringing men back?" "But the celestial beam has crowned him king." "We want a king!" "We want a king!" "Stop!" "What can a king do that a queen can't do?" "Be the father of a large family." "All right, if you wish it, you shall have a king." " You mean, I'm gonna be the king?" " In a way." "What is your name, man?" "Orville." "King Orville." "If you'll step into the king's quarters, you'll find some of his old apparel." "Isn't it customary for a king to have a bodyguard?" "With you, I'm afraid the bodyguard would have to have a bodyguard." "Now, run along and dress." "Yes, my Queen." "And thank you, my royal subjects, all of my royal subjects." "Another subject!" " King Orville!" " Yes, my Queen?" "Long live the King!" "Thank you, my royal..." "Oh, the king.!" "Boy, if our minions of the law possessed the feminine pulchritude that you girls do," "I would have no objections to incarceration in the bastille." "If that is the same as being pinched by a broad, I am with you." "Don't any of you dare try to escape!" "Don't worry, honey." "That would be like resisting an officer." "How do I look?" "Delightfully revolting." "Thank you." "Say, how about something to eat, Maybe, could I get a nice steak, a broiled steak?" "The preparation of food that way is outmoded." "Food pills are much easier." "We have a pill for everything." "Oh!" "She's 400 years old." "A 400-year-old kid!" "Where did you capture them?" "In the spaceship." "And this one gave me quite a struggle." "That is evident." "I must talk this over with the king." "He's the king?" "Take them to the dungeon." "Ah, my Queen." "Just take them two to the dungeon." "Leave my pal Lester here." "You, Lester, may remain with us." "Take the other two away." "Yes, Allura." "Ain't you gonna do nothin' about this?" "Just a moment." "Ah, fair flower of Venus." "The sight of you makes my lips burn for your kisses." "It kindles the fires of love in my heart." "The flames sear my soul." "Squirt the hose on him." "Put the fire out and put him in the dungeon." "Yes, O Mighty King." "Queen Allura, I'd like to have you meet my pal Lester." "Are you kidding?" "Ouch!" "Ooh!" "Guards, guards!" "Guards." "Help, help!" "Kiss my hand." "Now you know who's boss." "Who's the boss?" "You are." "Say, just a minute." "Would you mind tellin' us why the queen put us in the pokey?" "We ain't even pulled a job here yet." "Our queen distrusts all men." "400 years ago, she caught her consort kissing a handmaiden." "She banished all men from our planet." "You mean, there's all dames here and just us four men?" "What a spot for a black market." "What a spot for me to be king." "Look, if the Queen banished one king for kissing' a dame, it figures she'll do the same thing to Orville." "You think them tights will fit you?" "Listen, kid." "Here's what I want you to do." "I want you to get ahold of all the rest of the chicks..." "I must say, it's rather nice to have a man around the house again." "Are you married?" "Engaged?" "Have you a sweetheart?" "Do you go around with anyone?" "Lester." "Are you married?" "No." "I've been lonely for so long." "If I could only trust you." "But with so many females, I fear temptation would be too great." "You don't have to worry." "I'll let you trust me." "Queen Allura, there's an interplanetary call for you on the stratophone." "Will ya tell 'em we're busy?" "What did you say, Queen Allura?" "I'll place you on your honor." "Walk this way." "Hey, what are you doing?" "Nothing." "Hold this." "Let me sit down." "King Orville!" "I'll stand for no trifling, King." "Hold these." "What are they?" "Those are Venusian balloons developed in our laboratory of cybernetics." "They possess extrasensory perception." "Your slightest thought of a woman will be transmitted to the balloon causing it to break." "Have no fear." "I won't think of another woman." "See that you don't." "For if I return and find one balloon broken, I'll know you've trifled." "And I'll cast you from the planet, and you'll drift in space forever." "Just a minute, Queen." "What did you say they were?" "Venusian balloons." "Venuza palooze." "Girls, go to your quarters." "You better watch your step, or you're gonna be a goner." "You're right." "I don't want the queen to get mad at me." "Uh-oh." "Gimme those balloons." "Now you've got nothing to worry about." "See?" "Gimme the balloons back... before the queen hurtles me through space." "I've got an idea." "Put this glove on." "It'll break the contact." "Are you sure?" "Am I sure." "Don't electricians wear gloves to protect them from voltage?" "You're right." "I'll put this in that hand." "Same thing." "Put it in that hand." "Nothing can happen." "Now, I'll take a look at her." "Go ahead." "See?" "Nothing happens." "It works!" "Hold this." "I'm gonna kiss her." "Certainly." "Well!" "Bip!" "Uh-oh!" "Here." "Gimme that." "I'm the king." "No, I'm the king." "No, I don't want it." "I don't want it." "I'm the king." "No, gimme this." "I knew I should never trust a man!" "Hey, the-the balloons." "Where's the balloons?" "You'll pay dearly for this." "It wasn't me." "It was him." "Honest." "I'll find out how honest you really are." "Sit down." "What are you?" "I'm the king." "Well then, show her who's boss." "Sit down!" "Ohh." "This is also a machine of extrasensory perception... based on the principle of the positronic brain." "It's able to decipher between the true and the false." "Oh, this is your type of a lie detector." "I have nothing to worry about." "I don't tell any lies." "Ooh, ooh, ooh." "Are you gonna ask me questions or serve me at a barbecue?" "I'm going to find out the truth." "Sit down!" "You heard the queen." "Sit down!" "My pal." "What did you think of when that girl came to you?" "Nothing." "Stop hollering." "I'm burnt up." "Now, listen, Queenie." "If you want to cook me, turn me over." "I'm done on one side." "Sit down!" "Not until I'm ready." "I'm ready!" "I'm ready!" "This is a vicious queen." "The Queen of Spades, Dirty Dora." "Must be." "Did you kiss that girl?" "Yes, I did." "When you kissed her, what did you think of?" "I was thinkin' of you." "Guards!" "Guards!" "Seize them." "Refuel the ship and get them off this planet." "Have the two brought from the dungeon." "They'll go also." "I wouldn't make book on that!" "Me and my constituents just had a caucus, and I don't think they're gonna go for your order of male departure." "We demand a vote!" "Just a minute." "Uh, Queenie," "I request that this delegation be polled." "Silence!" "Very well." "Before we put the matter to a vote, first look at these men, and I use the term loosely." "Hmm." "And now, see what men really look like." "Angelica, turn the vis-a-screen to retrospect." "The Secretary of the Interior." "Oh!" "The Secretary of the Treasury." "Oh!" "The Secretary of War." "Oh!" "The king." "Fine figure of a man he was." "You can turn it off now, Angelica." "I think I've proved my point." "The question is, do we keep these sad-looking specimens or not?" "All those in favor of sending them back, please signify by saying "aye. "" "Aye!" "Opposed?" "No!" "You're out of order." "The ayes have it." "Meeting adjourned." "The spaceship is refueled and ready to go." "Then get them aboard and speed their departure." "Queen, if it wasn't for these, I'd still be king." "It's over, so let's not talk about it." "If you think of me, will you let me hear from you?" "Oh, I'll keep my eye on you." "Thank you." "And when I get down to Earth," "I'm gonna tell 'em down there how beautiful... you and the girls are." "Thank you." "May I take along a few samples to show 'em?" "No!" "I'm sorry about the girl." "It could've happened to you." "Ridiculous!" "I have no feeling for you or any other man." "Get him outta here!" "Get him out!" "Too bad I couldn't trust him." "He was such a cute little fellow." " You mean me, Queenie?" " Get out!" "From now on, a curse on any woman who kisses a man." "She'll lose the secret of eternal youth!" "Orville.!" "Orville." "Please take me with you." "Oh, I can't." "Lester would be mad at me." "Well, then, kiss me good-bye." "Les?" "Les?" "What?" "Take it easy." "Hey, I just kissed a girl, and she turned into an old woman." "Oh, that's ridiculous." " How could that happen?" " These Venusians are strange people." "Maybe the Queen put a curse on the girls." "Hey, if I kissed a girl on Earth, would that happen to me again?" "It's highly improbable." "That's right." "Anytime I ever kissed a girl, nothin' ever happened." "That I can believe." "Get in that seat." "Now what's wrong?" "Captain Olivia, Flying Saucer Patrol X-R-2, speaking." "What's delaying your takeoff?" "Over." "Uh." "I don't know." "It just won't take off." "Over." "Check for excess weight." "Over." "Roger." "Hey, see if there's anything in those lockers we don't need." "Everything in those lockers, I need." "I'll do it myself!" "No wonder we couldn't take off." "Get 'em out." "Sorry, girls." "Come on." "You gotta go." "I'm awfully sorry." "I..." "Any more?" "No, sir." "Out, girls." "Hey, some first aid!" "Out you go!" "Come on!" "Acres and acres of'em, and all goin' to waste." "All right, stand by." "What's happening now?" "Oh, they've taken off from Venus, and they're headed for Earth." "Is there anything you can do to help them?" "So far, they've done all right without my help." "Hey, pal, I think you burned out a bearing." "Janie, order plane reservations." "They're over New York now." "Liberty, duck!" "Ha, you missed her!" "Captain, send him my regards." "Love has hit me again." "She crowned me again."