"We have a meeting with an Emmy-winning writer." " I don't do dramas." " And I don't do comedy." "Read it." "If you like it, I'll write some more." "You are running out of cash, and fast." "I sank every dollar I had into this, Marvin." "I want to ask you a question." "I'm going to be looking for someone else to run the tv department." " I don't think you need to." " No." " Hey, is that E?" " Tell him how we might have found your next script." " What's he sayin'?" " He's got a potential movie for me." " Ari, I'm not satisfied." " I'm not the man who's gonna satisfy you." " She quit." " John Stamos?" "The network loves him." "They said if he's in, they're in." " John Stamos may be my co-star." " Ooh!" "I got a way we could both make some money." "Come down to Mexico with me." "I double-dare you to arm wrestle me for Vince." "You wanna hit me as hard as you can?" "If I do that, then what?" "Uh-hh!" "Oh no!" " Yo yo!" " Yo!" "Hey, E. What brings you here?" "Sloan release you from the marital stockade?" "I just came by to make sure drama was all set for his meeting with Stamos." " You brought my lucky shirt." " You get his laundry now?" " Wow, you really are his manager." " I didn't get his laundry." "I stopped by his house because I was there and he forgot it." "Your selflessness will pay off, because this lucky shirt will officially seal the deal." "You're not really nervous about this meeting, are you, Johnny?" "Yeah, bro, of course I am." "That's why I thought I'd host him here." "And maybe you could meet him and he could see the place and really get a feel for what I'm all about." "You can show him you can play the ugly brother in real life too." "Is that cool, bro?" " Of course it is." " Thanks, bro." " I'm so sorry I'm gonna miss this." " Mmm, yeah, but unfortunately you'll be in Mexico, not getting laid." " Another hater." " Not at all." "I wish you the best." "I gotta go to the staff meeting." " Knock 'em dead, Drama." " All right, bro." "Hey, E, you gonna find time to read that "Air-walker" script?" " I'll read it after the staff meeting." " I already read it." "It's pretty good." "A little darker than "Aquaman,"" "but still very cool." "Lavin agrees." " What?" " You never read anything I give you that fast." "Aw, someone's jealous of Scotty Lavin." "I'm not jealous of him." "I just don't like the guy." "Maybe it's the dueling napoleonic complexes?" " E may be a little taller." " Yeah, but Scotty's a little better-looking." " You think?" " It's like you and Stamos... it's a fact." " It's not an opinion." " No, the fact is that two dudes with no pussy are talking about two other dudes' looks and it's weird." "It is a little weird." "Still, read it!" "I don't care if you don't like him." "It could be big." "Casey Wasserman, Jeff Katzenberg," "Mike Meldman and John Ellis have all confirmed for your N. F. L. pitch, which brings the count to 20." "Billionaire boys club day, I love it." "You make sure that you get all their favorite food and drinks ready." "I got lobster salad from Sable's for Ellis, a pastrami from Nate 'n Al's for Casey and Tana's veal parm for Meldman." "But I couldn't find out what Katzenberg likes to eat." "He lives off diet coke." "You see how lean he is?" "I need a "Kung fu panda" bear somewhere where he can see it." "Okay, I've got the diet coke." "I need more of it..." "In those glass retro bottles." "I need at least a $20-million commitment from each one of those guys." "Everything high-class and highly enticing." "Ari, you don't have to be nervous." "You're gonna do great." " What are you, my life coach?" " No, I just..." "Listen, don't try to get intimate with me, Jake." "It makes me uncomfortable." " Okay." " What is she still doing here?" " Did she unquit?" " I believe she's just packing up." " Should I call security?" " No no, I'll speak to her." " Is that wise?" " Send them off with sweetness, Jake." "Hopefully you won't have to taste my sugar anytime soon." " Yeah, let's hope." " Lizzie, can I talk to you for a second?" " About what, Ari?" " I was hoping that we could part on good terms." "You can go fuck yourself, Ari." "Now is that nice?" "I'm preparing a nice severance package for you." " Wow." " You don't want me angry when I'm writing you a check?" "No, I don't." "What I want you to do is shove that severance package up your fucking ass." " If you were my daughter..." " If I was your daughter" "I would blow my fucking brains out." "Look, Ari, you might think I'm some sort of cute little pushover, but you screwed me and I am going to do everything I can to pay you back." "Is it that time of the month for you, Lizzie?" "Because I think that your hormones are making your brain forget who you are threatening." "You don't scare me, Ari, not even a little bit." " Did you hear that?" " I heard the polite version this morning." " I hope you said what I said." " I said it politely." " Morning." " Sloan sent over some pictures of flower centerpieces for you to go over." "I promised I'd run it by you." "Sorry, I can't do it." "I've got to finish reading this script." " Anything good?" " Yeah, real good." " So why do you sound so upset?" " Because Lavin found it." "Yeech." "Did you disinfect it?" "Yeah." "It's for Vince." "There could be a huge franchise in this." " I just don't know what to do." " If it's good, what's there to do?" " He's got his own clients." " Tell him he did good and you'll take it from here." " Kill him with kindness." " Keep your enemies close." " That's a good idea." " Yeah, I've got a couple." "Do me a favor..." "Look through these pictures" "Sloan sent and pick the ones you like?" "Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea." "Ha, probably not." "Leave it on my desk." " Yo, Scott." " Jesus fucking Christ, Eric." "Don't be afraid to knock, okay?" "Sometimes I like to start my day off with a nice whack." " You have a glass office." " Yeah, I mentally block that out." " The script's good." " Excuse me, it's good?" "Get the fuck outta here!" "It's great and you know it." " Come on!" " The script's great." "Good work, Scott." " I'll set a meeting." " I've already done that." "It's for this Thursday." "We're good." "You already set a meeting?" "I hadn't read the script yet." "I knew you were gonna love it." "It's all on the page, babe." "Ari's gotta weigh in too." "You realize that, right?" "I already sent it to Ari and he's burned a day by not responding." "So why don't you let Ari conquer ATT or whatever he's trying to do, and let's you and I run Vince?" "We've been over this, Scott." "You and I don't run Vince." " I run Vince." " You are unbelievable." "Are you really worried that I'm gonna steal your client?" "He's not just my client, he's my best friend since I'm five years old." "Oh, so you're worried I'm gonna steal your best friend?" "I'm worried you're gonna steal my best friend." "You can't compete with me there, Eric!" "I'm way more fun than you are." "I'm single." "You are old and an almost-married man." " Let youth be served!" " Will you listen to yourself?" "You're such an idiot." "I'm trying to be polite, Scott, but it's getting harder and harder." "Stay out of my way." " Or what?" " Or I'll knock your teeth down your throat." "Come here, come here!" "I want to bounce you on my knee, babe." "Come here!" "we'd like to remind you to turn off all electronic devices..." "So shouldn't you be briefing me on this business or something?" "I'm not a good salesman." "I wouldn't do it justice." "You got me on the plane to Mexico and I have no clue why." " I'd say you're pretty good." " Well, you're obsessed with me, so I knew that part wouldn't be hard." "I'm not obsessed with you." "You try to make out with me every chance you get." "I already apologized for misreading that situation." " I'm just kidding." " So we're ready to joke about it?" " I think so." " That's progress." "So what, you gonna try and make out with me again?" "No, I came here for business." "Good." "Because my friend's a genius and you're gonna love him." "And what does this genius want with me?" " Don't be so insecure." " I'm serious!" "My business doesn't exactly lend itself to helping some genius boyfriend of yours." "Or are you guys just planning on holding me for ransom?" "Naw, you're not worth enough." " And he's not my boyfriend." " Well, who is he?" "You're here for business, so don't worry about it." "Can I at least know this genius's name?" "Carlos Avión." " Sounds fake." " You are jealous." "Uh, no..." "I'm just here for business." "And why are you suddenly trying to lure me into hitting on you?" "Oh, I'm sorry I am not!" "Okay, good." " Good." " Then wake me when we land." "Vince!" "Vince, Vince." " He's here." " Johnny, I'm here." "Relax, I'm coming." " Hey, John, how are you?" " Good." "Vince!" " How are you, man?" " How are you doing?" "Nice to see you." "This is Squanto." "Welcome." "Can I get you a drink?" "This place is beautiful, Vince." "Beautiful." "You live here too, Jimmy?" "Uh, no, Vince just really enjoys my company." "So I come over here pretty often 'cause Vince gets really sad and lonely when I'm not around." " Right, bro?" " Yeah, Johnny's really great to have around." "Oh, that's cool." "I hate my brother." "Uh... how was Broadway?" "Oh, it was good." "Excellent experience." "Fourth Broadway show." "You know, I understudied for chino in "West side story"" " when I was 14." " Really?" "Yeah, I had my first sexual experience with the chick playing Anita." "Great tits..." "Big giant nipples." "What year was that?" "My favorite cousin Angela played that role." "It was off-off-Broadway." " Newark." " Aw, I'm just busting your balls." "No way Angela would have fucked you." "You, she'd fuck." " Are you single?" " Currently." "Maybe I'll fix you up with her." "This chick is so hot." " Oh yeah?" " Yeah." "People say we look like identical twins." "Let's go outside." "Yeah." "So have you had a chance to look at the script, John?" "Oh no, not yet, but my Agent loves it." "See, for me it's not about the script." "It's about us." "Can we spend the next five or 10 years together?" "You know, the chemistry." "Oh, you have a ping-pong table?" "Do you play?" "A little." "You?" "I love ping-pong, man." "It's my new obsession." "I bet you get a lot of chicks playing ping-pong, huh?" "Ping-pong is the new billiards, Vince." "The sport's blown up." "Come on, let's play." "I'll go easy on you." "You know what?" "Why don't you play with Johnny?" "You're really better matched." "He's really good." " Oh, come on." " What?" "Well, you don't have the build." " Maybe I'll surprise you." " All right, bigshot." "Let's rally for serve." "Ping... pong..." "Rally's... on!" " Oh!" " Whoa!" "It's going to be a long day for Uncle Jesse!" "Let's go." "Come on." "They're ready." " Hello, everyone." " Ari." " John, how was the lobster salad?" " Nice touch, Ari." " Though I am partial to Sable's crab salad." " I'll kill my assistant." "He said he talked to your wife." "She probable said that." "She barely knows me." "Instead of your assistant, kill her." " My veal parm was excellent." " Love to hear it, Mike." " How are you, Matthew?" " Good to see you." " Nice to see you, Mr. Wasserman." " Ari." "Shawne Merriman, a surprise." "Good to see you, sir." "Hey, I'm a free agent this year." "I thought I'd sit in." "The more the Merriman." "Rim-shot!" "Listen, Katzenberg... where is he?" "I am holding a large plastic dragon." "This will represent Mr. Katzenberg." "How about that?" "He will sit right here." "Down to business." "I want, and everyone in this town wants, an N. F. L. team playing in a brand-new state-of-the-art facility within five years, all right?" "I think with the power and the money at this table, we can get it done in three." "Now is the time for L. A. to have an N. F. L. team, and I am the right guy to lead the charge to make this happen." "What do you know about football, Ari?" "Don't tell me you played in High School." "I did play a little in High School." "I was pretty good for a jew." "What, were you a field-goal kicker?" "I was an offensive lineman and I illegally tripped Mr. Shawne Merriman one time." "Ari, you couldn't trip me up with a shotgun." "But still... how are you gonna run a team?" "We put up the money and you're in charge?" "Like I do here at the world's largest talent agency," "I bring in the best." "I attract the best, I've always done that." "Bill Belichick is a friend." "When his contract is up in New England, who knows?" "I mean, hell, everyone wants to live here." "It is paradise." "The only thing this town doesn't have, gentlemen, is an N. F. L. team." "All I need is the money and I can make that happen." "Barbara Miller has committed $10 million and agreed to work for free as the mascot." " How about that... the L. A. Cougars?" "Everybody wins." "Gentlemen, look at the packets right in front of you." "There's a great deal of information." "Sign checks... big ones." "And if not, regret not being a part of this for the rest of your lives." "Why do you let this guy get to you?" "I don't know." "My assistant tells me I should try to kill him with kindness, and I tried, but it's like this guy's immune to human interaction." "I don't think you should be fake." "I think you should just honestly tell him how you feel." " I did!" " So let it go." "He found a great project for Vince." "Oh, what a dick!" "I should be happy, right?" "Vince won't forget what you do for him no matter who gives him a script, you know that." "I do know that." "But I don't need this guy getting Vince jumping out of any more planes, okay?" "You can't control who Vince is friends with, babe." " Yeah." " Just make sure business is going good." "Yeah." " You're ignoring me." " No, I'm not." "You want me to tell Murray to keep Scott away from Vince?" "No!" "Are you kidding?" "That's my business." " I think I can handle that, Sloan." " Okay." "I would like to stick Scott next to Murray at the wedding though." "Done." " Did you look at the flowers?" " Uh..." "Yeah yeah, I like the..." "Red ones." "I like the red ones." "The red, huh?" "Look at them, please." "We're meeting with the florist tomorrow." "I will, okay." "I'm sorry." " I love you." " Thank you." " Love you." " Bye." "Bye." "Jennie?" "Will you let me know when Lavin's back from lunch, please." "The Yankee hat comes with me everywhere." "Maybe I'll get you a sombrero with a Yankee symbol on it." "Whoo!" "Oh, there they are." "Hola mamacita." "Hey, don't get fresh, Edgar." "I'll tell your boss." " The boss is here." " Hola." " Corazón. ¿cómo estás?" " Bien, bien." "And you must be Turtle." "It's a pleasure to meet you." "I understand you can offer us big things." " In what way?" " He's funny." "He's nervous." "Don't worry..." "I won't kill you until you turn me down." "Get in, amigo." " Why has he got a gun?" " It's Mexico." " Everyone's got a gun here." " If I wanted to be involved in shit like this" "I would have went back east to work for my Uncle Carmine." "It's nothing illegal, I promise." " What's the hold-up?" " The hold-up is where I come from, you don't get into a car with a bunch of guys who are carrying." "Here, now you are carrying too." " I just want to know what this is about." " Do you like Tequila?" " Yeah." " That's what it's about." "Tequila... the finest in the world." "Turtle, I swear this is legitimate." " Uh..." " Just trust me." "Put it away." "D'oh!" " Whew!" "10-2." " I can count." "It ain't over yet." "Oh!" "It is now, son." "Good game, John." "I gotta split." "I got another meeting." "Do you want to talk about the show?" "I'll talk to Phil." "Why would you embarrass a guy who you want something from?" "I didn't mean to embarrass him!" "He's got a Korean girl that trains him three times a week." " He's got a ping-pong trainer?" " Yes, John, and you beat him." "When I play, I play to win." "John's a notoriously bad loser to start with." " I didn't know that either!" " I beat him at golf once, he didn't talk to me for two years." "Maybe this is something you could have told me before the meeting, Phil." "I didn't know you were gonna embarrass him, John!" " Maybe there's someone else we could get." " No, John, there's not." "You know why?" "Because there's nobody better- looking than you in this town." " Rob Lowe maybe." " The network is into this guy." "They like Stamos..." "No, they love Stamos." "He was excited." "So call his Agent, call his house, call whoever you need to and figure out a way to smooth this out..." "Or don't." "Lavin's back." "Oh, look at that!" "He knocks like a gentleman." "Listen, Scott, the only thing that's important to me is Vince's career." ""Air-walker" is amazing." "Thank you." " Was that an apology?" " Was that not clear?" "Not really." "I mean, it wasn't crystal clear." " You didn't say sorry or anything." " Ahem!" "Hey, oh hey!" "Listen, I appreciate it, okay?" "I appreciate it and I am a big enough man to say I'm sorry as well." " For what?" " For being a dick." " Today or every day?" " Since you started here I have been a dick." " Yeah." " I was bitter about the way you came in with Vince as your star client, you know, and your girlfriend's connection to the boss, but I see that you are a good dude and you are good at what you do." " Thank you." " Yeah." "Hopefully you have noticed the same about me." " I have." " Listen, we are the future of this company." "Look, this guy, he doesn't even show up anymore." " He's too busy servicing models." " Exactly." "So it could just be us and we should stick together." "Pffft!" "I'm kidding." "I'm... come on." "No hug." "¡Atención, atención!" "Please, everyone, enjoy this special day." "Y tomen mucho Y más." "To the future!" " To the future." " To the future." " Mm." " Mm." " Whoa." " So?" " You like it?" " It's incredible." " I am a little fucked up though." " You're such a lightweight." "I had eight shots." "Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?" "'Cause I don't have to be drunk for you to do that." "Turtle." "Would you just kiss me already and stop the bullshit?" " What, is it that Carlos guy?" " Are you kidding?" "I told you, he's an old family friend." " He is old." " Stop it!" " He is." " Turtle." " You like it?" " Your father created this?" "Making the finest Tequila in all of Mexico was my father's life's work." "Now it is mine." "Walk with me." "Alex, excuse us a moment, please." "My father, may he rest in peace, has gone, and I want the world to taste his creation." "Me too." "What's it called?" "He named it in honor of our family." " Tequila Avión." " Gracias." "De nada." "Tomorrow, I will take you to the place where my father first began production in 1948," " where we still produce it today." " I'd love to see that." "But tonight we celebrate." "Any girls you have your eyes on?" "Making love on Avión is unmatched." "To be honest, Carlos, I kinda only have my eye on Alex." " Alex is like a daughter to me." " No, no, no." "I didn't mean to bang." "I'm a nice guy, Carlos." "That remains to be seen." "I tell you what..." "You deliver for me, I will do my best to deliver to you." "What do I need to deliver?" "I need a face for my family's Tequila." "You want mine?" " No." " What then?" "Alex tells me that you are very close friends with Vincent Chase." "Aquaman and Avión..." "A match made in heaven." "Jeffrey, I'm sorry that you couldn't make it, but I'm going to send gallons of diet coke over to you as soon as I get your check." "Make it out to "cash. "" "That..." "It's gonna be a great year thanks to you." "Thank you, my friend." "Yeah, baby!" " More good news?" " Call my wife." "I may even take her to dinner." " All right." " Yeah, and you go to dinner as well." "On me." " Really?" " Yeah, you got a girl?" " Not right now." " You want cash for a hooker?" "Either way." " I'll just call your wife." " All right." "Ari gold's office." "Just a second." "Andrew Klein." "Jesus." "Stay for this." "This is the guy who missed the boat." "Learn how not to." "Andrew!" "What a tragic time for you to be calling." "I just landed an NFL team in Los Angeles." "And if you didn't blow your entire career up your nose, you'd be banging cheerleaders up in a luxury box with us." "I appreciate your support in my recovery, Ari, but I don't live with regrets." "I've been taught to be at peace" " with the choices I've made." " So you're on the making- amends step?" "Yeah, I'm gonna have to make amends for this." "I bribed an orderly for his cell phone." " Why, what's up?" " Hey." " God damn it." " Right." "Lizzie's making moves." "She's after our client..." "Well, your clients." "Come on!" "What does she have to offer?" "She's got someone big behind her." "C. A. A. maybe." " But she's making promises." " How do you even know?" "Half the town is in here with me and they've got phone privileges." "Andrew Klein, you need to get your ass off that telephone." "Klein, get off the phone." "Follow the rules." " Give me a second." " Hang it up!" "All right, bye for now, Ari." "Hey, Klein, you know why I fired you as an Agent?" "'Cause your punk-ass never listened." " Barbara!" " Is this about Lizzie?" " How did you know?" " I heard." " Where's her list?" " Check your email." "I'm already making calls and I suggest you do the same." "Wow, was he this good this morning?" "I guess he's been working with his trainer." "Hey, John!" "The stroke's looking better." "What the fuck are you doing here?" "Your agent told me where I could find you." " Good to see you again, Vince." " You too." " Impressive stuff." " Yeah, thanks." "Soo Yeon is the best." "And this is Ellie." "Anytime you want a lesson, let me know." " Will do." " John, I came to resolve our..." " Little conflict." " Conflict?" "What, about the show?" "We have no conflict." " We just have no chemistry." " Come on, John." "We didn't even get to know each other's chemistry 'cause you got mad that I beat you." "He beat you?" "Yeah, can you believe it?" "No." "I didn't have my paddle." "If we played here and you had your paddle," "I'm 100% sure you would have kicked my ass." "What, are you patronizing me here?" "What?" "No no." "Then play me right now and I will kick your ass." "I'm a little worn out from earlier." "Johnny, you're a bitch, you know that?" "A real pussy." "You're all calm, cool, collected on your home court with your shitty-ass table in the grass and your fucked-up paddles and come stains all over your table..." " Sorry, Vince." " Eh." "But here?" "You don't give a man a chance at payback?" "You have come stains on your table?" "That's gross." "Look, John, you got your trainer here and all, but I've been playing this game since I was a little kid, so you shouldn't feel bad that I beat you." "You beat me right now and I'll do your tv show." " Really?" " Yeah." "Okay." "But I'm gonna need to change my clothes." "Be right back." "Work my backhand, Soo." "He really beat you?" "Turtle, why do you want to leave?" "We're supposed to go see the factory in the morning." "I've seen enough." "You can stay if you want." "What's your problem?" " I don't have a problem." " You're acting like an asshole out of the blue, so it's either 'cause I wouldn't kiss you before or you're just a mean drunk." " I'm not drunk anymore." " Well, I'm still a little drunk, so if you ever had a shot at me, it would be now." " You're a real tease, you know that Alex?" " What?" "Yeah, maybe that's why I hit on you the first time." "You kept putting it out there, but I didn't realize you had a motive." " What motive?" " To get Vince." "What the hell else am I doing here?" " Turtle..." " You should have asked me in L. A." " I could have saved you the time." " I knew you wouldn't have come." "But I thought once you saw everything, you'd see how real this is." " You should have invited Vince." " I wanted to come with you." "I don't know if I believe that." "You would if I fucked you though, right?" " It'd be a start." " I'm not that easy." "Are you interested in me or not?" "Because I don't got time for games." "I'm getting there, but this is real, Turtle." "And no one's going to get used." "But if it all works out, then maybe we'll all get rich." " Vince is already rich." " Maybe he'll get richer then." "But I'm not, and I don't know about you..." "I got $1700 to my name." "So stay tonight." "Sleep on it." "Then we'll go to the factory in the morning." "It'll blow you away." "Are we sleeping on it together?" "I don't want you to think I did it for the wrong reasons." "I don't care why you do it." "Yes!" "Oh, would you look at this." "Yeah, we..." "We made up." " We're paisanos now." " Hey, way to be mature." " What's going on here?" " Oh, it's not good." " He's kicking Johnny's ass." " I thought Drama was better than him." "No he's not." "Aha ha ha!" "10-6, match point." "It looks like your boy is going down in flames." "Play to his backhand." "It's very weak." "What the fuck did she just say?" "It's not that weak, Soo, thank you." " Let's go." " Come on, Johnny!" "Yeah, come on." "No-ooo!" "No no, you motherfucking..." "Your brother's the John McEnroe of ping-pong." "Still say it ain't the paddle?" " Great game, John." " Thanks." "I say you're much better than I thought you were." " You hustled me, didn't you?" " Are you a sore loser, John?" " I don't like being played." " Hey, I didn't hustle you!" "You beat me before and I beat you right now, honest to God." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "So I guess that's it, huh?" "No, actually you have potential." "It's hard to find good competition." "Maybe we could play on the set." " You'll do the show?" " Let me read the script first," " but..." " Yes, yes!" " I'll definitely consider it." " You're gonna love it." " And don't forget how much you love me." " Right." " He might do the show." " All right!" "Hey, that's fantastic!" "You see, Johnny?" "Even though you lost, he liked you for you." "Please, bro, I threw that game." "He's just like me... you stroke the ego, you get what you want." " Well played." " Thanks, man." "We're all going to Vegas for the night." "I got a plane." " Can I invite Stamos?" " Of course, Soo's coming." "Hey, John, you want to go to Vegas?" "Baby bro got a plane." " Yeah, I'd love to." " Scotty, you in?" "I never say no to a plane or Vegas." " E?" " Uh, no, I can't." "Come on, I'm not gonna bite." "We gotta take our newfound friendship to the next level." "Yeah, I wanna hang out with both my boys." "I appreciate it, but I gotta see the wedding planner tomorrow." " Oh God!" " Getting married?" " Yeah, in October." " You poor bastard." "Ah well, let's go!" " Later, E." " I'll get blowed for you." "One time, all right." "We probably won't have any fun."