"Oh, shit." "What happened?" "What the fuck is this?" "Damn." "This whole thing is too high." "Oh, Mr. George, help us." "Help us!" "He doesn't understand what I'm saying." "Help us!" " Help us." " Sorry." "You fucking pig!" "Don't go away." "You fucking pig!" " I wanna get out of here!" " Shut up!" "I'm gonna tie your coat to this." " Please, take it off." " You take it off." "Okay." "I throw this end out and it will catch something, ok?" "Hang on to this end so it won't won't fly off." "Fucking motherfucker!" "Motherfucking shit!" " Okay." "Hold it tight!" " Okay." "Okay." "Shit!" "Nadja, we are only short a little bit now." "Please!" "Hi, my name's George Cinders, President of Palisade Defence." "We're hitting a home run for freedom and a time out for terror." "Memo." "Must congrat George on terrific performance." "No, delete "terrific", make that "fabulous"." "For 75 years we've been supplying the world's greatest nations with the latest weaponry." "When you see this symbol, you know you're in safe hands." "We have offices in New York, London, Tokyo, all over the world." " Go on, girls." " What are you doing?" "Ordering myself a little birthday present." "Can we have a little less talking?" "You don't care about our marketing strategy." "I care." "What about our CRM114 landmine?" "The platoon buster." "What Ordinance magazine calls it:" ""The most exciting development in concealed termination"." "Weapons you can trust, anti-personnel devices you can rely on." "That's trust." "That's reliability." "That's Palisade." "As I speak, our team of dedicated individuals are touring Eastern Europe bringing the Palisade message to you." "And they couldn't be more excited." "Richard, why are all the actors in this video white?" " They are not all white." " Blonde, actually." "It's just a coincidence." "If they were all black, that would be a coincidence, too?" "What is your problem exactly?" "You've made a recruitment video for the Hitler youth." "Richard." "There you go, you see?" "What's he, an albino?" "Here's the P40, version 5." "Yeah, that's very sensitive." "It's not funny, Harris." "Freedom, democracy, justice." "With Palisade Defence we'll win the war on terror." "I bloody hope not." "Thank you, Harris." "There's a short circuit or something." "Smoking is prohibited!" " Fire officer coming!" " Sit down." "Officer sitting." " No smoking!" " Yes, I know." "No smoking!" "No cigarettes!" "Bob Marley!" "Bob Marley!" "Billy, what's the plan?" "George should be at the lodge waiting for us, along with the food." " And the paintball gear?" " It's all in the brown bag." "I'll give you 50 dollars if you stop eating." "I bought some mushrooms off the security guard at the road show." "I gave him 20 euros and look how much he gave me." " They look horrible!" " They are magic mushrooms." "How do you know he didn't just pick them off the side of the road?" "They're proper." "You can tell by the stalks." "You eat those, you're gonna go crazy." "I think I've had these ones before." " They give you a chilled out one." " And if you're wrong?" "I'll be somewhere over the rainbow getting fucked by the tin man." "What the fuck is going on?" "Are you all right?" " You all right, Jill?" " Yeah." " The road is blocked." " Anybody need first aid?" "I might do in 20 minutes." "We can go this way." "No." "I heard so much bad about this route that I'm not going in there." "No, I'm not going in there, no way!" "I don't understand." "The road is fine." "Don't you understand what I'm saying?" "You don't understand what I'm saying?" "This is my last word:" "No!" "The two roads meet up again." "You are a total wacko!" "Which part of "no" don't you understand?" "I'm telling you for the last time, you faggot, I won't go in there!" "Why do I have to be shouting all day?" "Try to understand that I'm not going on that route, because I'm not!" "It's just a detour!" "Fucking hell, enough is enough." "It's very dangerous, and I'm not driving there, whatever happens." "There is absolutely no way that I'm going in there." "Go on, Richard!" "All right." "That's quite enough." "I won't stand for this unprofessional behaviour." "You are hired to drive and drive you will, buddy." "Is that clear?" "Great management skills." "Really world class." "It doesn't appear far on the map, but it all depends on the scale." " What is the scale?" " It's not on here." " An inch is usually a mile, isn't it?" " No." " We'll assume that it is." " But it's probably safer not to." "Every map I've ever seen, an inch is a mile." "Are you saying I can't read maps?" "I'm sure you have an excellent knowledge of maps, but an inch could be two miles or ten." "Goodbye." "I'm going back to the hotel." " You're doing no such thing." " Then show me the lodge." " It's a mile down that road." " You're not listening to me." " I'm not walking anywhere!" " Don't squabble." "It's supposed to be a team-building weekend." "Richard seems to think we're on a walking holiday." "Wait a sec." "Stop the coach!" "Stop!" "Stop the bus!" "Fucking hell!" "Come on!" "Fuck it!" "What was that?" "Sorry." "Probably just a bear." " Just a bear?" " There are no bears in Hungary." " Are you sure?" " Yes." "That's assuming we're still in Hungary." "If we've crossed the border into Romania, then there are bears." "If we're in Serbia, I'm not sure." "That's really interesting." "Are bears required to stop at borders?" "Is there some passport control for bears?" " Watch your tone." " Or what?" " Please!" " No." "Or what?" " That sounded further away." " There." "If it was a bear, which it wasn't, it's moved on." "Come on." "We should stick to the main road." " This way is much quicker." " I'm with Richard." "Have I pissed myself?" "What?" "I feel damp." "You look all right." "I'm not gonna touch you." " Have I pissed my pants?" " I don't think so." " What's wrong with you?" " I feel all damp." "You're fine." "Okey, so..." "If an inch is not a mile, what's the worst case scenario?" "An inch is 1,000 miles?" "That's Steve." "If he's messing around, then he's in big trouble." "Oh, no..." "We should stay with the bags." "Steve, are you all right, mate?" "Jesus!" "Steve?" "I saw someone." "Who?" "I don't know." "What happened?" "The weirdest thing's just happened." "I needed to have a slash, so I pulled my trousers down, cause I felt a little damp." "I was about to have a piss and I saw a geezer with a balaclava and a suitcase." "No, more of a travel bag." "You've come over..." " Steve." " Yes?" " The mushrooms." " What mushrooms?" "You ate them." "You're high." " Look after him." " Yeah." "Listen," "I know we're mates, but... if you look at my cock one more time, I'm gonna kick off." "What are you talking about?" "I have not looked at your winkie." "You turn around." "Everybody, prepare to smile." " Isn't it wonderful?" " It's a dump." " What do you expect, the Hilton?" " The Hilton would be good." " We're in the country." " You're not gonna stay here?" " Now I'd sleep in a cave." " That's the spirit!" "There's someone in the woods." "Yeah." "You already said that." "Come on." "Come on." " This isn't the right place." " This is the right place." " Obviously it is not." " It is the right place." "Billy." "There's only one lodge on the map..." "Thank you." "This is just the lobby." "This place is fantastic." "Steve, it's just a rope." ""Dear team, as a big thank you for the last few weeks on the road," "George and I invite you to join us on a team-building weekend in Palisade's newly acquired luxury lodge."" "Luxury lodge." "Okey, now listen up, everyone." "This is not a holiday." "This is a business." "And team-building weekends are part of that business." "This is our chance to find out about ourselves." "Sure we'll have fun." " Paintball, orienteering..." " Bridge building." "We need to take ownership of the weekend." "That means working together." " I have an idea." " No, shh!" "I can't spell success without "u", and "you"," ""you", "you"... and "you"." "Success has only one "u"." "Well, daddy couldn't put us all through Cambridge, could he, Harris?" "George wants us to be the best team possible." "If that means digging in a little, I'm sorry." "Think this place is a dump?" "Maybe it's supposed to be." "I've had tougher challenges." "Let's make this our challenge." "How staying in this shithole is gonna help me sell landmines?" "All right?" " Don't be so happy all the time." " I'm only trying to be positive." "You're like a dog tied to a radiator wagging its tail." "That's not a compliment." "Look for the generator in there." "Have you got any light bulbs in your bag, Gordon?" "Yeah, give me two secs." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Oh, no!" " You should get some sleep." " I think you're right." "Maggie?" "I've been waiting for you." "I want you to fuck me." "Really?" "I mean, I'd like to." "Fuck me now and fuck me hard." "Okay." "But..." "What's going on?" "Maggie?" "Great management skills, Dick." "World class." "I had no idea Palisade were this involved in Eastern Europe." "You're joking?" " Where did you get this stuff?" " Next to the generator." "There's stacks of it." "It's all Soviet." "That doesn't mean it's one of the asylums." " It doesn't rule it out either." " What asylums?" "Grub's up." "Put those cards away." "Feast your eyes on this." "Mind yourselves, it is hot." "It smells quite nice." " Not eating, Maggie?" " No, thanks, not hungry." "Rest of you get stuck in, there's plenty to go round." "Do you wanna get some spoons out, Jill?" " All right, Steve?" "Feeling okay?" " All right, piss off!" " Are you still tripping?" " No." "Why are you naked?" "You were saying about the asylums?" "What asylums?" "Harris thinks we're staying in an old lunatic asylum." " Are we?" " No." " Tell us about the asylums." " Are you sure?" "It's pretty scary." " I'll take my chances." " Okay." "This story takes place before the First World War." "Please." "When movies were silent and women were even quieter." "The Government got strange complaints about the asylum, so they sent an inspector round to check it out." "He arrives late one night to see what's going on." "Everything seems fine and the warders agree to show him around." "But everything isn't fine." "Everything's not fine at all." "All the inmates are screaming at him to let them out." "Then he realises what's wrong." "The inmates had taken over and locked up all the doctors." "Then they turned on him." "He tried to reason with them, but there's no reasoning with the mentally insane." "Guess who they called to sort out the mess?" "Us." "Palisade sent the boys in." "Sprayed the place with nerve agent." "It was a massacre." "But rumour has it that one inmate survived." "Hell bent on killing any Palisade employee that should cross his path." "They say he's still on the loose." " Is that supposed to be scary?" " It was at the time." "There is a tiny bit of truth in his story." " Damn right there is." " Atiny bit." "It occurred in the early 90's when the Soviet Union broke up." "Places like this were detention centres for war criminals, soldiers who liked the killing a little bit too much." "They were lunatics who wiped out whole villages." "Burnt people alive." "Put heads on spikes." "They were well-trained savages." "Their Government locked them away, tried to cure them, but it was no good." "Some escaped." "Hid in some empty buildings, but not for long." "It wasn't Palisade who killed them, it was their Government." "But it was us who supplied the weapons." "Harris, if anyone did survive, revenge would be the last thing on their minds." " What would be on their minds?" " Survival." "Evading capture." "They were war criminals." "Excuse me for being the only sensible one here, but this place is a lodge." "It's not a mental home, it's not a prison." "It's a lodge." "It was a sex lodge." " Right." " It was." "I'm telling you." "Backin the 60's, these places were hospitals for rich old men." "All the nurses were naughty looking birds with great big shooters." "Being stuck all the way out here, they used to get lonely, so they tried it on with the old boys." "But they were on death's door." "They couldn't get it up." "They decided to get hold of each other." "One day this fella turns up out of the blue." "Young geezer, bit of bollocks about him." "They chased him, they caught him and..." "Well, he was fucked." "Have you ever taken anything seriously?" "Ecstasy and weed." " Hey, gang, how are we all doing?" " Brilliant." "Sweet dreams?" "Yeah." "Harris." "Hi, Maggie." "Not eating?" "Why are you all so obsessed with what I eat?" " I'm not too skinny." " No, no, I don't mean..." "Just that you'll need your energy for the team games." "You're perfect just the way you are." "And when I say perfect, I obviously don't mean that in a sexual way." "I mean perfecte in a neutral way." "As if I were another woman saying that you were perfect." "Just one woman to another." "Not that I'm implying anything like that." "Or that there's anything wrong with that... sort of thing." "Or... anything." "Keep digging, we can still see you." "Fuck that!" "Bit young to be losing your teeth." "It's not mine!" "It's not my tooth." " Maybe it's just a clove." " Does it look like a fucking clove?" " I'm gonna puke." " Could it be the cow's tooth?" "A cow with gold fillings?" "Who made the pie?" " I didn't make it." "I found it." " You what?" " I found it." " You found a pie?" " It was wrapped in foil." " That's a relief." "Jesus!" "You dirty bastard!" "Everyone calm down." " Jill, come with me." " I'm gonna be sick." "I'm sorry." "I thought it was a welcome gift." " From who?" " I don't know." "George." " George wouldn't bring a pie!" " It could have been here for months." " Look at this place!" " I cooked it for the full hour!" " It had instructions on it?" " No, but it's a pie." "You don't cook every pie for an hour." "You don't think I undercooked it, do you?" "Fucking hell!" "Look, it's gone." "I'm throwing the pie in the bin." "Right, that makes me feel better." " Good night, sweetie." " Good night." "Shit." "Hello." " What's the matter?" " There was a man at my window!" " What happened?" " I saw someone." " Where's my inhaler?" " What's going on?" " Jill saw someone at her window." " Who?" "What did he look like?" "He had a mask." "Have you been eating my mushrooms?" "Shut up." "Gordon, do you have anything to calm her down?" "I'll check my bag." " Have you seen anyone?" " No." " What do you think?" " You're the boss, you think." " Perhaps you were dreaming." " I saw someone!" "I wasn't dreaming!" "His face was covered in a mask, I was not dreaming!" "I found some kalms, they're herbal." "Come on, there's no one here." "Come on." "It was probably just some locals messing around." "Looking through a window one storey up?" " We need to get out of here." " Yeah, I'm leaving." " I'm going with her." " No one is going anywhere." "What did you find?" "Some wooden structures in the trees, but they're far away." "You see?" "Tomorrow morning we go to the top of the hill, see if we can get a signal." "Get somebody to take us back to the hotel." "Go on, my son!" " Great idea." " That is not a great idea." "Anyone who leaves won't have a job to come back to." " I don't care." "Count me in." " I'm with her." "I'm sorry, but he's right." "Should I make some tea?" "All right, listen." "Jill, I want you to sleep on it." "In the morning, if you still feel the same way," "I'll come up with a plan." "I feel the same way." "Okey, listen up, everyone." "Billy, get over here, come on." "I've made a decision." "We're gonna sit tight." "We sit tight while..." "Harris, I want you and Jill to go up the hill... to go up the hill and see if you can get a phone signal." "Get the coach driver to come and pick us up." "Sweet!" "I've made this decision because of the food situation." "And it is conditional." "While they're gone, the rest of us will do a little team-building." "Yes!" " Nice one." " Excuse me." "I just wanna make it really clear, before we begin, that paintballing is about teamwork." "So no Rambos." "I repeat, absolutely no Rambos." "Okay!" " How's your project going?" " Pretty good, thanks." " They're humane landmines, right?" " They're not landmines." "They're immobilisation units." "And they do what?" "They sort of grab you, yeah?" "They pin you to the floor, they don't blow children's legs off." " They're humane." " They're a hard sell." "I don't understand why in the 21st century we create such sick weapons." " The guillotine seems humane." " There's nothing humane about it." "At least it's instantaneous." "There's nothing instantaneous about it." "When your head's chopped off, your brain can think for 2 to 3 minutes." "You're aware that your head is cut off?" "When Marie Antoinette had her head chopped off, she felt it hit the basket, she saw blood pumping out of her own stump." "Think he crashed?" "I don't know." " Oh, my God!" " We gotta get the others." "We can't just leave him here, can we?" "I'm not saying that I fancy anyone in particular." "But if I did, I wouldn't know how to approach them." " Dating's complicated in England." " English birds ain't complicated." "Buy them a Bacardi Freezer and they'll ride you like Sea Biscuit." "Yeah?" "But what if she's not English?" "What if she's French or Spanish, or..." "American?" " Maggie." " Yeah." "What do you think?" "You've got more chance of getting shit out of a rocking horse." "That's what I thought." "Come on, I got you!" "Get up, you cheating bastard!" "See all this Maggie stuff, it's cause your bird left you." "Your plums are backing up, it's driving you nuts, it's confusing you." "Making you think you love her." "You're right." " Anyway, I think she likes you." " What are you talking about?" "Go, go, go!" "Hiya, sexy." "We won." "You're dead." "The bullet missed my vital organs." "I've survived, it's a miracle!" " Safeties off." " Here comes the ref." "Right." "You really got into that." "Brilliant." "I think we bent a few rules here and there." "Steve shot Richard and he didn't die." " No one shot me." " We shot someone." "I think that someone, and I'm not pointing any fingers, has been wiping off paint, and it states in the rules that..." "This is total war." "There are no rules." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop it!" "Stop!" "That is really dangerous!" "If you get one of those in your eye, it could pop like a ping-pong ball!" "It's not funny!" "That hurts!" "I expect more from some of you." "Gordon, you gotta be still." "Steve, get on the other side." "Be still!" " Get it off!" " You have to stop moving." "Pull your leg out!" "Now, pull it now!" "Pull your leg out now!" "Now!" " Steve, you fucking idiot!" " All right, for fuck's sake!" "They'll get you out." "Pull it now!" "God!" "Okey." "Gordon!" "We gotta stop the bleeding." "Billy, give me your belt." "You're gonna be okay." "You have to calm down for me." "We're gonna stop the bleeding." "They're everywhere." "What the fuck's going here?" "Billy, hold his hand!" " Help me tighten this belt." " What are you doing?" "Richard, help me hold him!" "Steve!" "You're gonna be okay." " Get on the coach." " Be careful, don't move!" " What the fuck happened?" " There're bear traps everywhere." "Someone's trying to kill us like they killed the driver." "The driver's dead?" " Just get on the coach!" " Will somebody help us?" " He could be watching us right now." " Jill, you're not helping!" " What are we gonna do with his leg?" " We need to keep it cold." " There's a fridge on the coach." " That's great, thank you." "You're shitting me?" " Come on!" " All right, for fuck's sake!" " Faster!" " It's going as fast as it can!" "I need something to cover his leg." "Harris, slow down, you're going too fast!" "Someone give me something to cover his leg!" "Jill!" "Oh, shit!" "I think I've broken my arm." "Billy..." "Jill?" "We've got to head back to the lodge." "We've got to find Jill." "Jill!" "Jill!" "Keep your voice down." "Someone's killed Harris." "Who's to say he didn't kill Jill as well?" "We head back to the lodge, we lock ourselves in till morning, and then we walk." "Where?" " I don't know." " I'm glad we got that sorted." "Unless you have a better idea, we go back to the lodge." "Let's put him down." "We need to lock ourselves in." "Lock everything." " This is fucking bollocks!" " We're safer in here." "I'm not waiting here." "It's fucking madness!" "What do we do with Gordon?" " I'll carry him myself!" " Keep your voices down!" "What if the stories were true?" " Mine wasn't." " What stories?" "They were asylums, someone escaped and he knows we're Palisade." " How would they know it?" " The bus is not subtle." "Those stories are nonsense." "Who told you?" "Jill?" "Harris?" "Do you know how many conspiracies I hear each year?" "No, how many?" "I'll tell you how many I believe:" "None." "We're a public company." "Members of both our Governments are on the board." "They won't do anything immoral." "Arguing is not gonna help us out." "You said you wanted us to work as a team?" "Well, now it's the time to start." "Help me get some wood." "We need to board ourselves in." " With what?" " I don't know." "Check Gordon's bag." "He's not gonna have hammer and nails in there." "For fuck's sake!" "Good boy." "I've got some pills." "What kind of pills?" "Ecstasy." "Great." "Have a party." " Not for me, for him." " What do you mean?" "They're not gonna get him up tap dancing, but they'll take the edge off for a while." "Okay." "Gordon." "Take one of these." "It'll sort you out." "I don't do drugs." "These are painkillers." "They're gonna make you feel better." "Just take one." "Here you go." "You all right?" "I'm sorry about earlier." "Flaring up and all that." "You were okay." "I wanna say something to you." "Sometimes I act like an idiot." "I say thing when I shouldn't..." "Shit, I've left Gordon's foot on the coach!" "Sorry, mate." "I love you, Maggie." " Of course you do." " No, seriously, I mean it." "I really mean it." " It's just the drugs." " No, it's not the drugs." "I really, really love you." "And I loved Jill." "I really, really loved Jill." " Steve, you got any downers?" " Not my thing." "Maggie, have I told you that I love you?" " Where are you going?" " Toilet." "Can't you hold on?" "No." "Don't worry, I'll be right back." "If we don't get him to a hospital, he's gonna die." "I think maybe we should leave him." "What are you saying?" "Our best chance for survival is if the four of us get to the main road." "Get help." "I think it's Gordon's best shot as well." " You're right." "We should go." " Go where?" "What's happened?" "This door was locked." "Gordon." " Gordon!" " Billy, be quiet." "Conspiracies?" "We should go back upstairs." "Maggie." "Richard!" "Richard!" "Fuck!" "Jesus!" "Yeah, well..." "I'd hate to be accused of not killing him when I had the chance." "Well, I think you'll be all right there." "Don't you fucking move!" " We got a problem." " Yeah, no shit!" "No, another problem." "That was our last bullet." "Put your fucking guns down!" "Put your guns down or I'll blow your balls off!" "Go." "Stop." "Stop!" " What are you doing?" " Don't move." " The place is mined." " How do you know?" "I'm standing on one." "CRM platoon buster." "One of ours." " Shit!" " Yeah." "Where's Billy?" "Richard, they're coming." "All right, follow my footsteps, then jump to the trees." "Go." "Come on." "Hey!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Over here!" "Come on!" "You're laughing at me?" "You won't be fucking laughing when I take my foot off this!" "Maggie!" "Steve!" "Where the hell you been?" "Are you Mr. Steve?" "We are Nadia and Olga from the escort agency." "Yeah, come on, everybody." "Why not be my fucking guest!" "Is this where we are?" " What are you doing?" " Have you been to the lake?" " Yes." " Are there boats there?" " Yes." " Leave your shit and follow us." "Ready?" "Yeah." "Would you tell me what the fuck is going on?" "George, there are about five seriously sick fuckers coming our way to kill us." "You can either help us or fuck off." "When you say sick fuckers, do you mean terrorists?" " Call them what you want." " Come on, let's go!" "Hold it." "No one's going anywhere." "I've been waiting to demonstrate this for a while." "You stamp terrorist on it, and I'll kill it." " Wait till they get a load of this." " Sweet!" "Are those the little bastards?" "Get back." "Steve!" "Steve!" "Steve!" "Where are you?" " Steve!" " Maggie!" "I'm in some kind of trap!" "Steve, he's got me!" "Oh, my God!" "No!" "God!" "Steve!" "No!" "Please!" "Please..." "Get off of me!" "Get off!" "Fucking thing!" "Steve!" "Steve!" "This is gonna hurt!" "Steve!" "Steve!" "Steve!" "Hello." "Hello." "Do you speak English?" " English?" " Yes, English." " I need you to send help." " Please hold." "Come on then, you fuck!" "Foursome?" "Oh, shit." "What happened?" "What the fuck is this?" "Damn." "This whole thing is too high." "Oh, Mr. George, help us." "Help us!" "He doesn't understand what I'm saying." "Help us!" " Help us." " Sorry." "You fucking pig!" "Don't go away." "You fucking pig!" " I wanna get out of here!" " Shut up!" "I'm gonna tie your coat to this." " Please, take it off." " You take it off." "Okay." "I throw this end out and it will catch something, ok?" "Hang on to this end so it won't won't fly off." "Fucking motherfucker!" "Motherfucking shit!" " Okay." "Hold it tight!" " Okay." "Okay." "Shit!" "Nadja, we are only short a little bit now." "Please!" "Smoking is prohibited!" "No." "I heard so much bad about this route that I'm not going in there." "No, I'm not going in there, no way!" "Don't you understand what I'm saying?" "You don't understand what I'm saying?" "This is my last word:" "No!" "You are a total wacko!" "Which part of "no" don't you understand?" "I'm telling you for the last time, you faggot, I won't go in there!" "Why do I have to be shouting all day?" "Try to understand that I'm not going on that route, because I'm not!" "Fucking hell, enough is enough." "It's very dangerous, and I'm not driving there, whatever happens." "There is absolutely no way that I'm going in there."