"Jack:" "Where the hell did things go wrong?" "How did things change so quickly?" "I had so many questions." "Some might blame karma, kismet, fate or destiny, but those are just good stripper names to me." "Well, except maybe kismet." "I believe it's the choices we make that determine our future" "nothing else." "*" "* I wanna ticket to somewhere * * where I can find the face to leave the memories of holland *" "* I wanna ticket to somewhere, anywhere but here *" "*" "* Have you ever felt like there's no where *" "(phone ringing)" "Jack." "Wilson!" "Peacock's lost man." "You are gonna bang it in London town." "You smack that royal baby for me alright?" "Thank, man." "In the mean time, I don't know how I'm going to survive without you." "You know I got these abandonment issues right?" "You'll survive,Wilson." "Really cause I, can I ask you?" "Does this look infected to you?" "Ahhh!" "Please see a doctor Wilson,I got a lot of shit to do." "* Put me on a fast jet cause I don't like it on my own *" "* A ticket to love, a ticket to love *" "* Would bring me home" "* Would bring me ho-o-o-ome *" "* I wanna ticket to happy and I heard they were free *" "* But I just have to chase her down *" "* I wanna ticket to happy *" "* To wipe away this upside down smile *" "* And I remember the ocean and how it never seemed so close *" "* But when I was with you, I wanna ticket to somewhere *" "(door chimes)" "* And I think I know where now *" "You want, uhh,fries with that?" "Okay, two fries andtwo onion rings, okay." "So, that would befour cheeseburgers." "Do you want some?" "Waitress:" "Thank you, dear." "I need you to pretendthat you're with me." "See that womanover there?" "Don't look!" "She's my ex,and I can't be seen alone." "Yeah no,if you don't mind." "Thanks,I owe you." "Let me buy you aslice of apple pie." "This place has the bestapple pie on the west side." "All right, nice try." "I'm sure this worksfor you all the time." "But I'm really notinterested, alright?" "I just want tobe left alone." "Jack?" "Meagan." "How haveyou been?" "Ah, great." "Things aregoin' great." "Aw, you don't haveto lie to me, Jacky." "I heard you were goingthrough a rough time." "Just be positive." "Jack, this is Arnold,my husband." "Hey." "Wow, uhh" "Congratulations." "If at first you don't succeed,you get a bigger ring." "Arnold is anentertainment lawyer." "He does verywell for himself." "Well. aren't yougoing to introduce me to yourlittle friend?" "*" "Actually" "I'm Maria,Jack's fiancÃ©." "Wow, if at firstyou don't succeed." "I guess things aregoing better for you, Jack." "Yeah." "I'm Meagan,Jack's ex wife." "You never told meyou were ever married." "We've been going togetherfor three months and he's nevermentioned you." "You are lucky you areso incredibly sexy." "Ow!" "Well, we shouldget going." "It was nicemeeting you." "Bye Jack." "Bye Meagan." "Come on." "Great seeingyou again!" "Could you stareany harder?" "Seriously." "Thank youfor that." "Ahh,she deserved it." "Yeah." "Yeah,she kinda did." "Uhh, now can I buyyou that apple pie?" "Uh, I shouldget going." "You can callyour fiancÃ©." "I'll buy hima slice too." "Come on huh,it's the least I could do." "I-I'm leavingthe country in what" "Less thansix hours." "This is my onlychance to repay you." "Look." "(tapping)" "One way." "Why, one way?" "You're kind ofnosey, huh?" "(scoffs)" "Okay." "A fresh start." "How longhas it been?" "Two years." "And two years married,two years divorced." "She uhh, she left whenthe goin' got tough." "But she's not thereason I'm leaving." "After looking forwork for a while" "I finally landed a two yearcontract, in London." "I'm a writer." "Oh, yeah?" "Are youa novelist?" "No." "A journalist?" "Nope." "You write for themovies, don't you?" "Uh uh." "I write sitcoms." "Oh." "Jesus, you look moredisappointed than my father." "Oh no." "Sorry." "I didn't mean to." "Do you remember theshow "My Two Dicks"?" "A family comedy about a motherand her two detective sons," "Lasted twelve episodesfour years ago." "I'm afraidI'm not familiar." "Ah, don'tsweat it." "Neither wasanybody else." ""My Two Dicks"sucked." "*" "That's not what you saidwhen you picked me up at thediner that night!" "I pickedyou up?" "!" "I'm pretty sure it wasthe other way around." "I was the damselin distress." "Mmm, maybe." "I had a really goodtime tonight, Jack." "Good,I'm glad somebody did." "The whole evening waspretty touch and go for me so." "Are you everserious?" "I tried it once,but it just didn't take." "So uhh,it was worth it?" "Yeah, maybe." "*" "Good night, Jack." "Uhh, wait." "Do you need me to comeup and you know, fix anything?" "Nothing's broken." "I could help you watch tv?" "I've got twenty-twentyvision, right here." "Be a shame to waste it." "Goodnight, Jack." "*" "You've got tobe kidding me?" "I kid you not." "Six-years-old and hesays to me, Miss Moniz, this is the worst dayof education in my life!" "And he storms outof my classroom." "(laughing)" "I'm glad youstayed for pie." "Me too." "Umm." "Can I uhh" "Can I askyou something?" "You can try." "Well, when I first walked in here, umm, you were crying." "I wasn't crying." "(sigh)" "I have a littleconfession to make." "I'm not reallyengaged anymore." "I just broke upwith my fiancÃ© and I just, I haven'tgiven him back the ring yet." "I know, I know,I'm a horrible person." "You're not a horribleperson, okay." "You're my hero." "I guess I was just kindaholding on to the past." "If that makes anysense to you?" "It's perfect sense." "It's like the moment youbreak-up with someone, this movie of all thegood times plays over and over in your head,and the bad times, they just fade awayuntil you can't remember what theproblem was." "That's why I startedrecording negative moments of all my relationshipsso I wouldn't forget." "You do not!" "You do." "I don't,no I don't." "(chuckling)" "Ah, okay." "Jack:" "Oh, come on gimmie a smile, Megs." "Here's a clip of Meaganrolling her eyes at me." "That's like hersignature move." "As if I just said theworld's stupidest thing." "See." "And ah, here's a clipof April taking an hour to put on her make up,that's me sitting on the couch, look howpissed I look." "And um, oh." "This is one of Alexis,now Alexis was a vegan, which in itselfdidn't bother me." "However vegetablesalways made her a little" "(farting noise)" "Oh." "(laughing)" "I know it sounds nuts, but Ibet you wish you had some, you know, video of your expickin' his nose or something." "No." "More likeclearing his throat." "Ah ha!" "You mean like uhh,like uhh," "Ahem?" "No, more like." "(deep raspy grunt)" "(scratchy grunt)" "No, no with more throat, like." "(hoarse grunting)" "Oh my god,that's annoying." "Isn't it?" "!" "(laughing)" "You aresomething else, Jack" "Ratner." "Jack Ratner." "Maria Moniz." "*" "That is thereal reason" "I don't believe inlong-term relationships." "No more firsts." "Like theyget used up." "I mean that was the firsttime we've ever touched hands." "It'll never happen againthat you know, that feeling." "Once all the firsts are gone,hey what are you left with?" "*" "I don't know whatyou just said." "but I loved the wayyou said it." "*" "Mmmmm." "(speaking inPortuguese)" "What?" "You have to stop." "Even being rejectedin Portuguese is hot." "(moaning)" "Jack,I have to go." "Unlike you I have to be atwork early in the morning." "Jack." "Jack, off." "Not untilyou're gone." "It might be awkwardwith you in the room." "You're so crude." "(chuckles)" "Mmmm," "Stay over tonight." "Please." "Why?" ""A" I live closer toyour school." ""B" I make killerwaffles in the morning." "And "C" I'll payyou a thousand dollars." ""D"all of the above?" "(laughing)" "Mmmmmmm." "That was the bestapple pie I've ever had." "Really?" "Cause Iwouldn't know." "You kind ofate it all." "I did not!" "I even left youthe last piece." "This here?" "Anyway, everythingwas planned." "Children, movingto the suburbs." "My dad was devastated whenhe found out we broke up." "But the worst part wasthat we lived together." "I'll never makethat mistake again." "I like my ownplace to much." "What, you don'twant a family?" "Children?" "Marriage isnot for me." "I can't picture myself behindthe white picket fence playing catchwith Jack junior." "So you have no problemsgrowing old and dying alone?" "Having the neighborsnotify the police about the awful stenchof your rotting corpse." "Jesus christ,when you put it that way." "You shouldn'tsay that." "Say, what?" "Use God'sname like that." "Oh, you'reone of those." "I noticedthe cross." "Just thought it mightbe for decoration." "What do you mean,"one of those"?" "You don'tbelieve in God?" "Umm,not so much." "Though, afterskimming the bible," "I've gotta give Joeand Mary props for selling the wholeimmaculate conception thing." "It's brilliant." "Nowadays, compromising facebookphotos would have sunk her." "That isn't funny." "So if you don't believe inGod then who do you pray to?" "Tom Brady." "But only if it's latein the fourth quarter." "I don'tbelieve you." "Trust me, when somethinglife changing happens, you'll be praying." "Okay,no way, not me." "I may be a lot of things,but I'm not a hypocrite." "(train passes in the distance)" "(yawning)" "Hey." "Morning." "Do you wantsome fruit for breakfast?" "Do you have any idea howmuch sugar's in that stuff?" "You were snoringagain last night." "I don't snore." "It's like sleepingwith Darth Vader." "I'll make a video clipand add it to your file." "(cereal pours)" "Hey." "Hey, you okay?" "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "It's stupid." "Well lucky for youI specialize in stupidity and havea Ph.D. in nothing." "So technically, I'm overqualified for this conversation." "Well uhh," "You know when you feellike you've reached a point where you're finallyliving out your life and not otherpeoples expectations?" "Well" "Now that I'm notsplitting the rent anymore," "I can't affordmy place so" "I'm gonna have to moveback in with my parents." "Well umm,you know uhh," "Maybe you could movein here you know, for a little while until youfind another place." "Jack, you'd beokay with that?" "Yeah, sure." "I'm mean you're practicallyliving here anyway." "What's a week?" "Oh baby!" "Thank you!" "Oh baby I promise you won'teven know that I'm here." "Oh god." "Thank you." "Oh, that's great." "*" "*" "Oh my god." "You like?" "I feel like I just gotviolated by Pottery Barn." "Oh, you hate it?" "No, no." "It's justdifferent that's all." "Kinda looks likeyour place did." "Yeah, I just brought a few ofmy furniture pieces in." "I hope youdon't mind?" "Wow." "That's uhh,that's a big cross." "It'll protect usfrom the evil eye." "(dog panting)" "Ohh." "(dog barking)" "I didn't know Mr. Bojangleswould be joining us." "Awe, where did youthink he'd be staying, silly?" "Eh, eh,good boy, good boy." "*" "Eh." "(dog whining)" "(dog barking)" "(Maria snoring)" "(Maria snoring)" "*" "(Mariacontinues snoring)" "* Ou-ou-ou- ou-ou-ouuu *" "* Ou-ou-ou- ou-ou-ouuu *" "* You got-got me, you got-got me stuck *" "* Cause you got-got that, you got-got that touch *" "* You got me stuck like glue *" "* Like gum to the bottom of my shoe *" "* I can't stop thinkin' bout you-ouu *" "I think youbroke it!" "I'm so sorry." "* That kiss girl, how can I forge-ee-et?" "*" "(dog growling)" "* Underneath the stars, we'll never be apart *" "* No matter where you are, you got me *" "* You got-got me, you got-got me stuck (woah) *" "* Cause you got-got that, you got-got that touch (woah) *" "* Rain or shine, I don't care I'm not going anywhere *" "* Cause you got-got me, you got-got me stuck on you babe *" "* Ou-ou-ou- ou-ou-ouuu *" "Maria?" "Jesus christ!" "Shhh." "* Rain or shine, I don't care, I'm not going anywhere *" "(praying)" "I am arational person." "Rational, huh?" "Is that why I saw you throwingsalt over your shoulder?" "Don't tell me you're one ofthose superstitious freaks?" "it's not a superstitionif it works." "Ah-ha." "The truth finallycomes out." "You're crazy." "Don't call me crazy." "Senhora Maria says it'sbetter safe than sorry." "Who'sSenhora Maria?" "Just someonewho advises me." "Like a--Like a therapist?" "Yeah,like a therapist." "*" "*" "*" "Hey, babe,how was your" "Quick,get me a lighter!" "*" "What is it?" "I think some womanat the grocery store gave me theevil eye." "Huh?" "Here we go." "What is that?" "Sage." "*" "Oh no." "I might have alreadyinfected the entire place." "Wait, what thehell's evil eye?" "It's when someone curses youand gives you really bad luck." "Sometimespeople do it and they don't evenrealize they're doing it." "Come on Maria, don't tell meyou really believe in that?" "*" "(spits lightly)" "Apparently so." "That should work." "Don't worry,I'll see Senhora Maria and make surethat we're in the clear." "Maria,this is insane." "Nobody can justgive you bad luck." "That's just aPortuguese old wives tale." "The evil eyedoes not exist!" "Do you have any idea howfoolish you sound right now?" "*" "(heavy breathing)" "Jack, this isyour father." "He's actually onoxygen, it's kinda sad." "Oww." "No he's not." "(heavy breathing)" "Your sitcom writing isweak and career dubious." "Come work for me atRatner Investments and together we shall" "(heavy breath)" "makesomething of you." "That's your dad'sidea of success, not yours." "Mhmmm." "You are wisePortuguese one." "So what about therest of your family?" "Brothers?" "Sisters?" "None." "Cousins?" "Grandparents?" "Aunts?" "Uncles?" "One Uncle, but I'mpretty sure he's in prison." "Oh, Jack that's-- wonderful." "Having asmall family." "Mine can beoverwhelming." "I'd much rather have abig colorful family than a blandone any day." "*" "Okay." "Relax." "Ok." "*" "Oh, no, we don'tuse the front door!" "We use theback door." "Okay." "Now, don't benervous, Jack." "I'm not." "I just wantyou to know, how important firstimpressions are." "Hey, don't worry,parents love me." "I'm like cat nipfor old people." "Oh and please don'ttry and be funny." "And don't tell my parentsthat you're divorced, or that you're an atheist orthat you're in between jobs." "Okay?" "Anything else?" "Oh, and your grandfather on yourmom's side was part Portuguese." "Ok?" "All:" "Hey!" "There's mybeautiful daughter." "Querida, two SundaysI don't see you." "Where have you beenhiding, my little badger?" "Mom, Dad, thisis Jack my boyfriend." "He's pleasedto meet you." "Lets go." "*" "This looksdelicious." "What is it?" "Cozido." "Pigs feet." "(laughing)" "Thanks." "I can't believeyou ate that, dude." "There's pizza." "(laughing)" "Thank you." "*" "*" "*" "*" "*" "Have somerice pudding." "I will." "Ow!" "(bang)" "Where's Mr. Moniz?" "Ah, he's probablyin the house." "Go talk tohim, Jack." "He gets nervous with new people." "I can tell by theway she looks at you, you have won mydaughter over." "Thanks, mom." "*" "*" "*" "I bet you don't get too manyvampires down here, huh?" "Becauseof the uhh" "So, I hear your a big football fan?" "So am I." "Who's your team?" "Stay awayfrom Maria." "Can't say I'mfamiliar with them." "Although I imagine theirlogo is just a picture of youlooking angry." "Kind of like that." "You make jokes." "Jokes aren't funny!" "Jokes won't makemy daughter happy!" "With all do respect, sir, Ido make your daughter happy." "I mean,I think I do." "And I know I want to, more than anything." "Have you everheard the expression," ""laughter is thebest medicine"?" "Have you heard thePortuguese expression," ""medicine is thebest medicine"?" "You know whosaid that?" "Maria's ex fiancÃ©." "He's a doctor!" "Uhh, my uncle says,you're a lucky man." "Thank you,Uncle Joao." "Two." "(chuckles)" "You did that on purpose,didn't you you little devil?" "I gotta go." "Goodnight everyone,thank you." "Bye!" "Love you!" "Love you too." "They hate me." "They don't hate you." "They just need to get to know you." "Well I'm not sure howcrazy I am about them." "They're judgmental,intimidating." "Your father threatenedme, and your sister!" "Mmm, I have never seendexterity in toes like that!" "Ever!" "Your grandmothercaught me on the lips." "It was like kissinga catfish!" "(laughing)" "And the RickyMartin painting?" "!" "The what?" "In your dadslittle man cave?" "Oh, no, that's not Ricky Martin,that's Cristiano Ronaldo, a famous Portuguesesoccer player." "Listen Jack, I knowthey can be a handful." "But I'm just reallyglad you tried." "It meanta lot to me." "Wow." "(grunting)" "I've never seen youget worked up like this." "What happened tocool cat nip Jack?" "He just got a tasteof his future in-laws." "What?" "I was planning ondoing this differently." "Maria, you've made merealize all the things" "I never knewI wanted." "And now that I know, there'sonly one thing left to do." "Will you marry" "Oh yes!" "Yes, yes, yes!" "We just have to seeSenhora Maria first." "Your therapist?" "I believein therapy." "I think people can learn a lotabout themselves, you know." "I guess, it'sjust not for me." "You know travellingis my therapy." "I learned a lotabout myself while backpackingthrough Europe." "But it was my time in Indiawas the most profound." "I remember riding an elephantto see the Taj Mahal at sunset." "It was the mostincredible thing." "Emperor Shah Jahan built it inmemory of his deceased wife." "They say it's theworld's most magnificent monument dedicated tolove and devotion." "What does itlook like?" "Oh, words can'teven describe it." "It's just,so incredible." "Mmm,I am so jealous." "Here you are,this world traveller and I've hardlybeen anywhere." "I figure we've onlygot this one world, we should try andexperience it." "(knocking)" "Oh,you're alive!" "I am." "Thank God." "See I assumed you weredead because why else when we have a network pitchcoming up would you go AWOL and stop answering your emailand your phone and your text." "Uhh." "Um, holy shit!" "Looks like MarthaStewart vomited in here." "What's going on?" "I uhh, Igot a roommate." "You're livingwith someone?" "Yeah, my fiancÃ©." "Get the f" "Are you serious?" "Yeah." "You're serious!" "?" "Oh my godno, no, no." "This is the worst thing thatcould happen to a writing team!" "Wilson, come on," "Oh and you already got thatstupid look on your face." "No wonder yourideas lick!" "You've gotlove brain!" "Hey, I don't have lovebrain and my ideas don't lick!" "What about my script"Special Agent Ed"?" "That's about aretarded FBI agent!" "Oh my god." "I dohave love brain." "Ditch this chick." "Cause we've got threenetwork pitches coming up, and we have Jack!" "That's funny,I should write that down." "I promise I won't let my relationship affect ourwork anymore." "I need this morethan you do man." "Mhmm,that's debatable." "But Wilson,you have to meet Maria." "Maria?" "Her names Maria,she's ethnic?" "!" "Great!" "That's like lovebrain on crack!" "Don't worry Senora Maria isvery nice, you'll love her." "I'm not worried." "Good." "Ah, Nelia,how are you?" "I thought you died." "Evil eye thing, I got one ofthese guys again, evil eye." "Oh, Nelia, this isJack, my fiancÃ©." "Jack this is myfavorite cousin, Nelia." "He so cute." "Oh my god." "What does SenhoraMaria think?" "That's whywe're here." "First time?" "Yeah." "Good tosee you!" "Call me!" "I know, I know!" "Bye!" "Bye." "*" "(bell dings)" "This is yourtherapist's office?" "Shhhhh!" "*" "*" "You've got tobe kidding me." "Stop it." "What?" "This is not theman for you." "You must leaveimmediately." "What is it,what did she say?" "So, how are thePatriots lookin' on Sunday, huh?" "Three turnovers.Pats lose by six." "*" "Why don't you just tell mewhat crystal ball lady said?" "It's obviouslyupsetting you." "It's nothing." "Are those the same underwearyou had on last night?" "No." "Ugh." "Two daysin a row." "That's disgusting." "I showered beforebed last night." "Why should I change themafter only sleeping in them?" "Because that'sthe rule." "Everyone knowseveryday starts off with a freshpair of underwear." "Well, there's 24-hours ina day, so technically" "I'm still good." "I better notcatch you trying to squeeze anotherday out of those." "Yes, mom." "Look, you're lettingwhatever that voodoo lady said get to you, andthat's completely nuts." "Senhora Mariahas a gift." "Yeah, and it'scalled hustling!" "Wait." "Aren't you going tofold my underwear?" "!" "Hm?" "You're stacking,see how I fold yours." "That's howyou do it!" "Do you really expectme to fold this?" "Yes!" "It's like tryingto do origami." "Now please tell me that thishas something to do with voodoo lady, because this isthe most intense conversation about underwear,anyone has ever had!" "She said we have to holdoff on getting married." "It's not a big deal." "It just means she hasto read you or us again." "This is about yourfamily, isn't it?" "It has nothing to dowith Senhora Maria." "She's justa excuse." "No, Jack." "Maria, I promise I will changeyour father's mind about me -- because he'syour family." "But there is no way in hell I'mgoing to see the fortune teller." "Now if you believe in her,that's fine, that's your thing." "But I will never be toldby some "magic lady"" "who I can andcan't marry." "And neithershould you." "Look Maria,I love you." "That's all youneed to know." "I love youtoo, Jack." "Our first fight." "You know whatthis can mean?" "What?" "Our firstmake-up sex." "Ohh." "God I lovefirsts." "Not on theunderwear!" "*" "Good morning, baby." "Time to tell myparents the good news." "Have you seen any ofmy hair ties around?" "I love this game." "I found one in mycereal the other day." "Come on wehave to go." "Ready?" "Bring it on." "No pausing." "Go!" "Favoritemusician?" "Black-eyed peas.-Katy Perry." "Favorite movie?" "Star Wars.-The Notebook." "Favorite food?" "French fries.-Chinese." "Uhh,favorite position?" "Quarterback.-On top." "Wow!" "You were right." "This is definitely the bestway to get to know someone." "No, no." "I thoughtyou meant" "I said position." "And look whereyou went." "You set me up!" "You totallyset me up!" "It wasyour game." "Wait a minute,why am I embarrassed?" "You just admitted toliking Katy Perry." "What's wrongwith Katy Perry?" "Nothing,if you're a tween." "(laughing)" "On top, huh?" "You betterbelieve it." "*" "How come we always enter through the back door?" "Because we never use the front entrance of our house." "Why not?" "Because then itwould get dirty." "C'mon." "I got this." "*" "Marco!" "Dinner!" "*" "Hey." "Hey." "You're most susceptible tothe devil when you yawn." "Mom stopped him." "Right on." "Homemade Portuguese wine isthe best wine in the world." "Jose, youmissed someone." "That's okay." "I'm not a big drinker." "You no likePortuguese wine?" "!" "No, no." "I do." "I just wantedyou to know that I, that I don't have a drinkingproblem or anything." "So, Jack, Maria tells usthat you write funny tv." "But what do youdo for a living?" "Uhh well, that's it." "I'm a--I'm a writer." "I write sitcomsfor a living." "Jack created theshow "My Two Dicks"?" "Sweet!" "Detectives." "My Two Detectives." "Writing is not a job." "Have you thoughtabout construction?" "You need a real jobto support a family." "Jose, what didwe talk about?" "I'm being nice." "Right, Jack?" "Why don't you tell us whatyou know about Portugal." "Dad?" "Let himanswer, badger." "Well I umm" "This should be good." "I didn't realize thiswould be on the test." "To be honest, I don'tknow too much, sir." "All I know is that Portugal'sa very small country-- so they must havevery small people so theycan all fit in it." "(laughing)" "Not thatyou're small sir." "You are agood size." "But one thingis for certain." "Portugal's number one exportmust be beautiful women." "Maria, Avo" "Uhh, Mrs. Moniz." "Mr. Moniz,you are a lucky man!" "Lucky that I'm notten years older." "That's some uh, goodPortuguese genes right there and I'd love to getin on that action." "I mean, have beautifulPortuguese children one day, with your daughter,not your wife." "That would bewildly inappropriate." "Is this anotherone of your jokes, Jack?" "Jesus Christ, no." "Jack." "Oh,goddamnit." "Jack!" "Did you know that five hundred years ago" "Portugal conquered eighty percent of the globe?" "!" "Now how could such a smallcountry have so much power?" "Because they arestrong and smart?" "That's right!" "Hey Marco, take Jack to yourroom and show him the old map!" "Right nowbefore dinner." "Do I have to?" "If you're not outof here in five seconds" "Dad." "How couldyou give up such a nicePortuguese doctor for this?" "Jose, please." "I will notplease Anna!" "Someone in this family hasto talk some sense to her!" "Maria." "(speaking inPortuguese)" "You two don'tbelong together." "You're too different." "Can't you see?" "I mean, he willnever understand us." "Daddy,I love him." "You only think you do, Ican find you a better match." "Trust me." "*" "How could you?" "!" "The silence musthave been killing you!" "You get asked a simplequestion about Portugal, and you answer itby insulting my dad and then hittingon my mom?" "!" "You know your dadmakes me very nervous." "And your mom-- well it was meantas a compliment." "It was creepy!" "Why didn't you just talkabout backpacking through Europe,Jack?" "Wait, you havebeen to Europe, right?" "I'm so sorry." "Oh my god,you lied to me?" "!" "I was trying toimpress you!" "I got caught up." ""We've only havethis one world, we should try andexperience it"?" "!" "Have you evenbeen to India?" "!" "Indiana?" "I'm so sorry." "I swear it's the only thingI've ever fibbed about and I am sosorry Maria." "For lying andembarrassing you." "I'm gonna make thisup to you, Maria." "I promise." "I'm gonna show yourfamily the real Jack." "Please don't." "Space Bar, it's like"Cheers" in space?" "Do youhate me?" "It was justan idea." "I've gotothers." "I've readthe others!" "We're screwed, Jack." "Our pitch is at theend of the month and your only solution is toreboot 80's sitcoms in space!" "I mean,you're the concept guy." "The hell you beendoing with your time?" "(speaking in Portuguese)" "I've been hashingout some new concepts." "Right." "It's been a littlerocky on the home front lately." "How long havewe been friends?" "Forever." "Mhm." "You know I'd push someoneso they'd take a bullet for you, right?" "Yeah." "Right so,prioritize us, Jack." "We are runningout of time." "Tick, tick, tick." "Look Maria's a really great person, but dude,it's not your first rodeo." "Engagement?" "Tomato." "The point is,girls come and go, but I have alwaysbeen there for you." "So stop being a bitch andgive me a decent pitch." "Hey, Wilson." "How's thewriting going?" "Peachy." "Hey babe,where are you going?" "Uhh, just gonna get somefresh cod fish for dinner." "See ya later." "Yeah,see ya later." "Stupid love brain." "Jack!" "Jack!" "You said you cleaned thebottom of the cupboards." "I did." "Well then you don't know thedifference between clean and Portugueseclean." "My AvÃ³ will whiteglove us, Jack." "Did you dust the tops of the kitchen cupboards?" "She couldnever reach." "Never under estimatean old Portuguese woman looking for dirt." "Fine!" "Did you cleanthe bathroom?" "!" "Yes!" "And did you take outthe bathroom garbage?" "!" "Yes!" "Do we always have toshout at each other?" "!" "What?" "!" "Never mind." "What?" "!" "I said,never mind!" "I'm turning intoone of them." "*" "Jack, I didn't knowyou spoke Portuguese?" "He's been learning." "We know hisEnglish wasn't working." "Well, I'm veryimpressed, Jack." "Did you know that it wasa Portuguese priest who pioneeredsolar panels?" "And that it was aPortuguese doctor who inventedthe lobotomy?" "Why?" "You in themarket?" "(laughing)" "I can be funnytoo right?" "Jose." "Ah, I wish Sporting wasplaying that's my team." "You like Sporting?" "Yeah, I'd like them a lot betterif they had Cristiano Ronaldo!" "Ronaldinhu!" "Maybe this guy'snot so bad, Maria." "Ronaldo!" "It's going good!" "(dog growling)" "Jack,what's in his mouth?" "He's got a condom." "Oh my god." "Hey, nobodywants this." "Mom, coffee?" "Dad, somemore wine?" "Oh yeah, sorry!" "Give it to me." "Give it to me," "Mom, dad?" "Good doggy." "Good doggy." "You wanta cookie?" "Yeah, you wanta cookie?" "Maria get hima cookie!" "Here,Mr. Bojangles." "Come, come." "Mamas gota biscuit." "It's peanut butter,your favorite." "I thought Mr. Bojangleswas fixed." "Bojangles totallythrew me under the bus." "Oh no, no,no, no, no." "Do not blameMr." "Bojangles!" "I specifically asked you if youthrew out the bathroom garbage." "And you said "Yes"!" "I thought I had." "I'm sorry." "Maria?" "Go to sleep." "What, you don't even knowwhat I was going to ask." "The answer's "no" toall of your questions." "I just you know I just thinkit's been a while since" "Since what?" "Since I got tovisit Area 51." "I've heardrumors about it." "Ow!" "You don't have to practicebeing in a bad mood, you know." "'Cause you'relike a professional!" "*" "Jack?" "Jack?" "Jack, did you takeout the garbage?" "Maria, I'm working!" "*" "*" "*" "*" "Let go, Maria." "It was nevermeant to be." "Well if Senhora Mariasays it, it must be true!" "For once in your life,can you be serious?" "Can you not make yourstupid little jokes?" "!" "(speaking in Portuguese)" "Only if you canspeak English." "Blah, pish, blah, pish,That's all I ever hear." "It's like listeningto the dishwasher!" "Excuse me forbeing bilingual!" "Excuse me for havinga sense of humor!" "Senhora Maria saidthis would happen." "I can't take this!" "You are crazy!" "Jesus Christ!" "What did youcall me?" "!" "You heard me!" "I am not crazy!" "Then tell me why youbelieve in her so much?" "!" "Make me understand why you needSenhora Maria in your life?" "!" "Because she'snever wrong!" "She told me to stay home." "the day of Marco's accident." "She warned me thatsomething bad would happen, and I didn'tlisten." "I was the one drivingthe car that day." "I was supposed to dropMarco off at his soccer game, but I wanted a stupid pairof shoes from the mall first." "And when I was going through anintersection when we got hit." "I should havelistened." "Baby." "No Jack, no." "It was a freakaccident." "You can't blameyourself." "It's not just that,it's everything." "Don't you see, Jack?" "She's never wrong." "Well, she'swrong about us." "No, she's not." "Look what'shappening to us." "We're just too different anddeep down we both know it." "I'm sorry." "Is Senhora Maria the reasonyou broke up with your ex?" "Maria, okay,look at me." "Is she thereason?" "Wow." "Here I thought that my lovefor you actually mattered." "That I was the guy whoselove trumped superstition." "But now I knowI'm not that guy." "Jack." "I was just one ofthe guys who tried." "Jack." "(crying)" "(crying)" "Oh, querida." "(crying)" "I'm so sorry." "It's goingto be alright." "There was thisone Christmas." "I was nine." "And I remember really wantingStarscream, this transformer." "But not just anytransformer, the coolest one because he couldchange into a fighter jet." "Ooooh." "Yeah, he wastotally bad-ass." "I must've wrote Santahalf a dozen letters." "Wait a second, you were nineand you still believed in Santa?" "I wanted tobelieve, alright!" "Can I finishmy story?" "Anyway, Christmasmorning comes and I race downstairsand I rip open my gift." "And I see this knock offtransformer called "The Flyer"." "I didn't say anything,but I was heartbroken." "I tried tohide it, but I knew my mom could seethe disappointment on my face." "And um, that was the lastgift she ever got me." "She died sixmonths later." "I know I was onlynine, but umm" "I just wish I was moreappreciative, you know." "I'll never forgetthat look on her face." "God." "Ah dude, I meancan we let's, let's, let's get out of herelet's go get a beer." "This place isdisgusting." "I don't want to." "Ugh, Jacky, Jack." "I know break-ups suck,but so do new girlfriends." "Lets go getsome of those." "Look dude, I know youcan't see it right now, but this wasthe best thing." "You can focus onwriting again." "I'm glad my misery'sworked out so well for you." "What?" "Don't say that,how's it working" "Look, don't be hatin' me,I'm here trying to help you." "You need toforget about this girl and the best wayto do that is to bury yourself inwhat you love." "Forget it, Wilson." "Okay, I'm done." "I'm throughwith writing." "I'm not 20 yearsold anymore man." "It's time for me totry something else." "Yeah, great,okay, good." "So uhh, what then?" "What?" "You'regonna do what?" "You're gonna gowork for daddy?" "You're gonnawork for daddy!" "Screw you, Jack!" "I'm not letting you quit becausesome girl broke your heart and your too busy feelingsorry for yourself." "Oh and uhh,by the way, when we came out here wehad a deal, remember?" "When we had some success andthen yes things fell apart and it got really scary, for metoo, it got really really scary." "But we have anotherchance, right now." "A chance by the way buddy, Iscrambled my ass to get us." "So if you're gonna quit,you're gonna quit after." "For now lets put away ourshit and do something great." "Have you been watchingRudy again haven't you?" "He was little buthis dreams were big." "Okay." "Ahhh!" "Okay." "Yeah?" "Yeah!" "I might havea new idea." "Ahh, is it setin space?" "It is not setin space." "Beautiful." "Let mehear it." "Okay." "*" "(typing)" "(typing)" "How's my little badger?" "Hmm?" "Maria, I can't standto see you like this." "You have to geton with your life." "And stop eating,you're putting on weight." "Gee, thanks, dad." "Thanks forthe pep talk." "I'm just saying, nobodywants a fat old wife." "Your weight, you canstill do something about." "(dog whines)" "Where's mom?" "Never mindyour mother." "I knowwhat you need." "I got youa present." "I'm pickingit up later." "What is it?" "It's a surprise,Maria." "This betternot be a joke." "No jokeshere, Maria." "We all know you'vebeen moping around because you miss acertain someone." "So, I broughthim here." "(clears throat)" "Surprise!" "It's the Portuguese doctor!" "Hi, Maria." "Hello, Paul." "You surprised,Maria?" "I think I'mgonna be sick." "Theres nothing better forsickness than a doctor!" "What?" "Maria?" "Are you alright?" "!" "Yeah, mom, I'm okay." "So?" "Everything happensfor a reason." "What the hell'sthat mean?" "It means-- congratu-fricken-lations." "You got your funny back, Jack." "Yes!" "This is brilliant." "It's original." "Man, it's unlike anythingyou've ever written." "There's some structureproblems but I can fix that i'll punch it up in a coupledays but wow dude wow!" "You thinkwe have a real shot?" "Umm, I think we gotourselves a pilot deal." "Yes!" "Well done!" "Well done,well done." "Let's celebrate." "Cocktail hourat The Beagle." "I'll call Amy shes gonnabring her friend Lisa." "Beautiful brunette,you will love her." "Lets do this." "I dunno." "No, no you haven't been out in forever." "You've been cooped up in here for 48 hours straight, you gotta get out." "And you've gotto meet Lisa." "This Lisa." "She also work atthe Home Hardware?" "You know I likemy women handy." "Alright I'll go." "I gotta figure out howto fix my toilet anyway." "Don't leadwith that." "Here I'll ah meetyou in the car." "Gotta grabmy cell." "Hurry dude!" "*" "*" "*" "*" "*" "*" "*" "*" "(phone ringing)" "Hey Wilson,what's up?" "No, I'm justcleaning." "Why?" "You're kidding?" "They gave us thegreen-light?" "!" "No, no,I'll be right there." "*" "(singing in Portuguese)" "Mom?" "What is it, Maria?" "Can I talk to youfor a minute mom?" "Sure." "What is it,querida?" "Uhh" "I don't knowhow to tell you this, uh," "I'm pregnant." "I know." "Did you tellJack yet?" "You knew?" "A mothersenses things." "Soon you willsense things too." "You are a lotlike me, Maria." "But you inherited yourfather's stubbornness." "Mom, how am I evergonna tell daddy?" "He's always saidhe'd rather die than live with the shame of anunmarried pregnant daughter." "He'll get over it." "He loves you." "Your father shouldn'tbe your main concern." "Do you reallylove Jack?" "More than anything." "But it's just notmeant to be." "Daddy hates himand Senhora Maria says that we're notmeant for one another." "Stop trying so hardto please your father." "Do what you feelis in your heart." "As forSenhora Maria," "I told you to stop seeingher a long time ago." "I know." "You can't keep relying on her, Maria." "What happened to Marco wouldhave happened anyway-- with or without you." "But she was right." "Just like she wasright about my job, right about UncleJoao's tumor." "Mom, she'salways right!" "Not always." "When I was younger, I wasmadly in love with this boy." "When I was with himnothing else mattered." "He made timestand still." "Oh, I had a very badcase of love brain." "Oh god, could hemake me laugh." "We were alwayslaughing." "So one day he askedme to marry him." "That night,I prayed to God, that Senhora Maria wouldsee a bright future for us, that we werea good match." "When we wentto see her, she looked me straighting the eye and said," ""He's not the one"." "You see" "I knewhe was the one," "I didn't dare goagainst the community." "You know howPortuguese people talk." "So, we broke upand it broke my heart." "A week later, Senhora Mariawas calling him every day." "She wouldn't give any bodypermission to marry him." "I ended up gettingmarried six months later." "Senhora Mariawas in love with dad?" "No." "She was in lovewith Uncle Joao." "But that would meanthat you and Uncle Joao" "Were madly in love." "When I wasn't givenpermission to marry him," "I was introduced tohis older brother, your father,and I settled down." "Not knowing the futurecan be very frightening." "But it's thebeauty of life." "Lose yourfears, querida." "Stop trying to control thefuture and start living it." "Everybody makesmistakes." "But if you're too scaredto make them on your own-- you might miss out onsomething wonderful." "Querida." "I should have listenedto my heart, not Senhora Maria." "*" "(rain pattering)" "(thunder rumbling)" "Hello Jack,I'm umm, I'm pregnant." "Uhh." "Hello Jack,how are you?" "I'm umm,I-I-I'm pregnant." "No um, hey Jack,umm, guess what?" "Oh come ondummy get a grip." "(deep exhale)" "Okay." "(rain pattering)" "(rain pattering)" "(crying)" "(thunderrumbles loudly)" "(crying)" "(crying)" "And, cut!" "Perfect, it's looking greatguys, looking great." "Can we take it one more timefrom the top of this scene?" "Mhmm, yeah." "Wanna findanother joke here?" "Yeah, I'll figure itout, I'll figure it out." "It's great though,it's great." "Brian, this timedeliver the line about the underwearwith frustration." "Like you can't believeshe'd even suggest that." "It looks like thesun will be up soon." "Yeah." "This is my favorite time,right before dawn." "So peaceful." "Before anyone's has had a chanceto step out and ruin it all." "When I first came in here youwere listening to something, what was it?" "It's a song mycousin wrote." "It's kinda sad." "Mind if I listen?" "Okay, come sitnext to me" "*" "*" "(speaking in Portuguese)" "* Time's running out" "* Only minutes away from saying goodbye *" "* Will I see you again?" "*" "* Can't let something this perfect come to an end *" "*So close, but yet so far, thought I knew just who you are*" "* Breaking down" "* My heart is through and through *" "* How is it that you cant see you-- *" "* Are the one for me?" "*" "* We almost had it all" "* But lost it somehow" "* My heart was placed with hope *" "* But the flicker's going out *" "* We almost had it all" "* But fate has taken you *" "(chatter)" "Ladies and gentlemanyou've all been so wonderful and so patient, we're gonna begoing in about five minutes." "Enjoy the show!" "(clapping)" "(blowing airrhythmically)" "Five minutes buddy!" "We aregonna kill this." "What ifwe don't, huh?" "What if our show ends uplike the "Marty's Party" pilot." "What is thatI never saw that?" "Exactly!" "The studio audiencewas so silent they pulled the plugbefore the second act!" "Hey shh, that isnot gonna happen here." "We are gonnarock this!" "I promise you." "I need this, Wilson,this is my last shot." "I can't work ata Starbucks, the learning curvethere looks ridiculous!" "Hey, guys." "What do think ofSenhora Maria's make-up?" "I like it." "Looks good." "Let's makeher creepier, huh?" "Break a leg." "Break legs,Thelma." "Break legs!" "Nice." "Here we go." "I don't care." "Mr. Bojangles totallythrew me under the bus." "(crowd laughing)" "Don't blameMr." "Bojangles." "(crowd laughing)" "You know, I specifically asked you if you threw out thebathroom garbage." "And you said, "Yes!"" "I thought I did." "I'm sorry!" "So" "No uhhh,sex tonight?" "(audience laughing)" "Yes!" "Yes!" "(exhale)" "(audience clapping)" "C'mon man, c'mon!" "(laughing)" "Don't make fun ofSenhora Maria!" "Oh, come on, she's afreakin' fortune teller!" "(laughing)" "Who always happensto always be right!" "She was right about mydad, right about your mom, right about my dadhooking up with your mom!" "(crowd laughing)" "She's never wrong!" "Well, she'swrong about us." "All I know,is what I know." "And that's that" "I love you." "This is about you and me, notabout you, me and Senhora Maria!" "You called?" "!" "(audience clappingand laughing)" "(audience clappingand laughing)" "What do you want?" "I need to speakwith Maria." "You've doneenough to Maria!" "I'm not leavinguntil I speak to her." "I should kill you forwhat you did to Maria!" "You have no respect!" "You come here anduse my front door?" "!" "Nobody uses myfront door!" "Not even themailman!" "I'm not leaving." "Maria:" "Daddy, who is it?" "Nobody" "Maria, It's me!" "I have totalk to you." "(sigh)" "There's nothingleft to say Jack." "I still love you." "Do you stilllove me?" "What areyou doing?" "I'll do anything foranother chance with us." "Whatever it takes" "Too much time has passedand I've moved on and so have you." "That's not true." "I just finished shootingmy show and it's all" "I'm notfeeling well." "Goodbye, Jack." "All you've everdone is upset her." "*" "*" "*" "Oh,what the hell?" "!" "Oops, sorry,we uhh-- we came here toyou to celebrate and youweren't here so we-- we kindastarted without you." "Hey, hey,Jack, uhh" "Hey." "Uh, Lisa from plumbingasks about you all the time." "Hey dude, we did it!" "The network ordered 12episodes right away!" "We totally banged it man!" "Amy, can I talk toWilson alone for a sec?" "Yeah, yeahof course." "I'll uhh, see you in thetruck my little samosa." "Yes, yes, yes." "My big bighammer." "Dude, wereyou mad that I was getting my pipescleaned on your couch?" "No." "I bet you wish you hadsprung for scotch-guard now huh." "(raspy laugh)" "You should be drinkingwith me, we did it!" "They're talking about aThursday night time slot man!" "I went to see Maria." "And cancelledbefore we aired." "She wouldn't hear me outand I don't know what to do." "This isn't goingaway, is it?" "When we were writing, it waslike I was still with her." "I know it'spathetic." "No, I get it." "I get it nowthat we're done you feel like you'relosing her all over again." "Ah, shit buddy." "Alright." "I know what to do." "Here we go,here we go." "You ready?" "This is stupid." "I love you." "Lets do this." "Come on, come on." "This is never gonnawork Wilson." "Yes it will." "Look, all you gotta do is getthe old broad to give you the thumbs up and thenMaria will take you back." "Okay,lets do this." "Hey, there." "Money." "Nice to seeyou too." "Want me to-- alright." "I knowit's nuts, right?" "But what doyou got to lose?" "Nothing." "You're like alittle Portuguese ninja." "Shhh!" "*" "I see a quarrel in yourpast that haunts you." "I see a reunion!" "A man-- apologizing." "Your father-- he feels guilty becausehe forced you to play sports." "He realizesthat he's been trying to live hisdreams through you." "That never happened." "I'm talking to him!" "Oh my god." "That makes somuch sense now." "He named me aftera volleyball" "Look Senhora Maria, kay we arehere to see my future, not his." "He paid, not you." "Jack I gotta go,I gotta call my dad." "*" "I see youchasing a woman." "No wait" "Another." "I see you chasingtwo women." "That can't be." "Who are they?" "I see Maria." "Who's the other?" "Hmmmmm." "It's to murky,I can't tell." "(deep sigh)" "No no, wait" "I see an Isabella." "Okay, look,Senhora Maria." "Here's the deal." "Ok, I don't know whothis Isabella chick is, but I'm in lovewith Maria." "I really need you to doa new reading for us." "I need you to tellher we're a good match." "No Maria,no reading." "Then please callher Senhora Maria tell her you want todo a new reading." "Just please,I'm desperate here." "You're mylast chance." "So, now you want thevoo-doo lady's help?" "You should havebeen a believer!" "It's an internationalflight, you know?" "You're nevergonna make it." "Ahh,I'll drive fast." "I've got a fewmore minutes." "Ahhhh." "Doesn'tfeel real to me." "What?" "Everything." "This whole night." "You, me, this diner." "It's like we're insidethis other world and nothing outsideof this booth exists." "It's like ah, were ina zombie movie and we're the last twopeople on the planet." "Yeah." "And like we'veknown each other" "Both:" "Forever." "Jack?" "What's the craziest thingyou've ever done for love?" "Start the truck!" "Start the truck!" "What the hellare you doing?" "!" "This is kidnapping!" "If Maria won'tcome here." "I'll bring SenhoraMaria to her." "Are you insane?" "!" "This is kidnapping!" "Wilson, a little help!" "Put me down youson of a bitch." "I curse you so that bad luckwill be the only luck you have!" "She seems angry." "What is she doing?" "She's trying togive me evil eye." "What doesthat mean?" "It's a European thing." "Amy, get usout of here." "Go, go, go, go, go, go." "Senhora Maria:" "I am cursing the Patriots too!" "Jack:" "Leave them out of this!" "Stop hugging me." "I'm not hugging you." "It feels like a hug, let go!" "It didn't have to be like this!" "Come on." "I'm not going anywhere with you!" "Amy:" "Everybody put gloves on!" "Come on out." "I am not coming out of this truck" "Don't make mecome in there." "You have to kill me to get me out of this truck." "Hey!" "What are you doing?" "!" "Whoo-oooo,she is nimble." "I'm impressed." "Listen to me,Senhora Maria." "You are gonna tellMaria we are a good match!" "You got it?" "!" "Okay." "Son of a bitch!" "She bit me!" "Amy you got her?" "Oh,I got her." "Jack, you alright?" "Come on,lets do this!" "Maria!" "Maria!" "I've brought ourlittle friend!" "What are youdoing here?" "!" "I though you'dgive up by now!" "If that's what youthought Senhor Moniz then you don'tknow Jack." "Does anyonehave a pen?" "!" "Call the police, Jose." "This guy is maluco!" "(speaking Portuguese)" "What are youdoing here, Jack?" "You wouldn't hearme out before, but I knewyou'd listen to Senhora Maria if I brought her here." "So, go ahead, ask her." "Maria, he is notthe man for you!" "He has no placein your future!" "He will curse you!" "You shut up!" "I'm sick of listening to you!" "Jose:" "Maria, some respect!" "Not now." "I demand " "Enough, dad!" "I am sick and tiredof being guilted and listening to how everyonethinks I should live my life." "Sometimes badthings just happen." "Because they do,not because I'm cursed." "A lousy coincidence-- that's all they've ever been." "But there is one personI would like to hear from" "So, goahead Jack." "Maria, I came here because Iwanted Senhora Maria's blessing." "But the truth is" "I don'tbelieve in her." "I-I tried,but" "I can't." "Because I can'tbelieve in anything that would wantto keep us apart." "All I know,is what I know." "And that'sthat I love you." "From the first moment we met, I knew it." "I knew my life would never be the same." "And it hasn't." "I've missedyou, Maria." "I have missed your ridiculous superstitions, your snoring, your obsessive cleaning." "I don't snore." "I even missyour insane family." "Sorry, guys." "Nahhh." "I've missed it all." "If you really feelthat way Jack-- then why did I see youkissing that other woman?" "What?" "What woman?" "The brunette, Jack." "I saw you kissingher at your place." "No!" "No, no, no." "That was an actor who waskissing another actor who just kindalooks like me." "I know that sounds like bullshit, but it's not." "I was directingthem for my show, which is all about youand me and Senhora Maria and your family." "That's what I was trying to tell you." "A lot haschanged, Jack." "*" "Would you feelthe same way-- if you knew?" "You're uhh" "Immaculate conception?" "I'm gonnabe a dad." "*" "(exhale)" "(groaning)" "What is it,what's the matter?" "I thinkmy water just broke." "Someone callan ambulance!" "Nonsense!" "Maria's decided on a traditionalPortuguese home birth." "So, I'm calling the middlewife, please bring her in." "*" "(maria groaning)" "Kickin' it old school." "I like it!" "(screaming)" "Just breathe." "Where's my midwife?" "I don't thinkI can do this at home." "I need drugs!" "Be right back, sis!" "Just breathe, babe." "Focus." "Close your eyes andgo towards the light." "I'm notdying you idiot!" "I'm sorry baby,it's the hormones." "If it helps, I wrote an episodeof Grey's Anatomy about this." "Now no, no,it was not picked up however I was toldit was very authentic." "Okay, yeah,fair enough." "The middlewife isdelivering another baby, but Ibrought some help!" "What doyou mean help?" "!" "(clears throat)" "You've got tobe kidding me?" "!" "Hi Maria,how are you?" "Other thanthe labor, I'm fine!" "I haven't delivered ababy in a long time!" "I don't think I canjust go and do this" "Get in there." "Oh, no I rememberthis, this is familiar." "Yeah I can do this,yeah, okay." "This isn't awkward." "My ex-fiancÃ© deliveringmy new fiancÃ©'s baby." "Both:" "Are you engaged?" "!" "Yes." "Yeah, we are." "That is wonderful." "Why didn't you tell us?" "!" "We were waiting forthe right moment." "Surpria-hhhhh-ise!" "What kind of a mandoesn't ask for permission from thefather's first?" "!" "Jose, please!" "Will somebody gethim a lozenge!" "No, don't gosouth of the boarder!" "All I got is this" "Oh whoa!" "I just need you to relax,lay back and push." "I can't anymore!" "You can do thisbaby, you can do this, ready!" "?" "I can't." "You can do this Maria!" "One, two, three." "(maria groaning)" "(everybody groaning)" "You're almostthere, push hard." "One, two, three." "(everybody groaning)" "*" "*" "(baby crying)" "(baby crying)" "Is it alittle football player?" "She sure is." "Do you wannahold your daughter?" "A prettygreat first, huh?" "Everything we do withher will be a first." "Her first." "What's her name?" "I wasthinking Isabella?" "Isabella is perfect." "Aww." "Better safe than sorry." "For mybaby porkchop!" "Congratulations, AvÃ´." "You too, AvÃ³." "I love you." "I love you." "Best first date ever." "This wasn'ta first date." "No?" "Now it is." "Lets notmake this tougher." "Long distancedoesn't work." "So uhh, just call mewhen you get back." "Don't be gettingmarried on me." "You take care ofyourself, Maria." "Good lucking London Jack." "*" "(baby cooing)" "(doorbell chimes)" "(sigh)" "*" "(typing)" "(doorbell chimes)" "Jack:" "What if I stayed?" "What ifI didn't take the job?" "But let's seewhere this goes." "This couldget complicated." "There's only oneway to find out." "I was just secretly wishing thatyou'd get fired and that you'dhave to come back." "So you arefamiliar with my writing." "(happy laugh)" "Now,where were we" "It's the choices we make that determine our future." "But maybe fate or fortune have something to do with it." "Hmm I used to kid myself that Miss Fortune didn't exist but that was before I fell in love with her."