"Two Absolut martinis up." "Another Dewar's rocks." "We're not gonna run the table." "Deep background." "I won't use your name." "And you won't get a quote." " Why are we here?" " You sat down." " Is Josh on his way out?" " No." " I know he's your friend." " He is." " Did Caldwell...?" " I'm not talking." " Who do I call?" " No." " Just tell me who to call." " Call 1-800-BITE-ME." "He's not going anywhere, Billy." "You're lying now." "Why would I lie to a journalist?" "Why do you keep looking behind me?" "Alger Hiss came in with a pumpkin." " That girl's eyeing me." " Really?" "I never know if they're looking or not." "Yeah, I think she was." "Thank you for the casual way you did that." "She probably didn't notice that." "Twenty-five cars jumped the tracks, spilling sodium hydroxide....  17 across is just wrong." "You believe that, Ruth?" " You should call them." " I will." " Telephone." " I'm in the shower." "It's Potus." "You can have a normal life." "You'd be amazed at how normal I am." "It's all about budgeting your time." "This time, this hour, this is my time." "5 a.m. to 6 a.m." "I can work out, think about personal matters." "I can meet an interesting man." " The trick..." " Beeper." " What?" " I think your beeper's going." "Lyman here." "What is it?" "Please turn off all electronic devices...  ... stow tray tables and return your seats to the upright position." "We will be landing shortly." " Sir, please turn off your computer." " I'm almost done." "Sir, your laptop interferes with our systems." "You know that sounds pretty ridiculous, right?" "Mr. Ziegler, a message was sent to the cockpit for you." "I'm not sure I've got it right:" ""Potus in a bicycle accident"?" "You got it right." "You can't use that until we land." "We're flying in a Lockheed Eagle Series L-1011." "It carries a Sim-5 transponder tracking system." "But I can screw it up with something I bought at Radioshack?" "You can call when we land, sir." "Also, I never got my peanuts." "How you doing, Sam?" "The water pressure in here is impressive." " I know." " You could run hydraulics." " You want some?" " I'm fine." " I'm wasted." " And free of cataracts." " I get that." "That's funny." " Thank you." "Wait, your pager went off while you were in the shower." "I thought it was mine." ""Potus in a bicycle accident." "Come to the office. "" "I memorized it just in case I erased it by accident." "These things look exactly alike." "Anyway, I'm totally baked, but it's not like I'm a drug person." " I just love pot." " Laurie, I have to go." " It's 5:30 a.m." " This doesn't look good." "Not that good, no." "I like you, and I'd like to call you." "Stay right here, save the call." "I see the logic, but I gotta go." " Because Potus was in an accident?" " Yep." "Tell your friend Potus to learn to ride a bike." "He's my boss, not my friend." "It's not his name." "It's his title." "Potus?" ""President of the United States. " I'll call you!" " Nice morning, Mr. McGarry." " We'll take care of that in a hurry." " Don't kill the messenger, Leo." " Why not?" " Five minutes?" " Please." " Emma." " Morning." "Wilson." "Joe." " Jeffrey." " Whatever." "Josh!" " Morning, Leo." " Donna." " Is he in yet?" " Yeah." "Can you get him?" " Josh!" " Thanks." " I heard it's broken." " Wrong." "It's a mild sprain." "He'll be back." " What caused it?" " You from State Farm?" "Go!" "Do a job." "He was swerving to avoid a tree." " And?" " He was unsuccessful." "Just don't do anything until you talk to Justice." "How many Cubans are crammed into these boats?" "By and large, they're not boats." ""Boats" conjures the image of a boat, first of all." "What the Cubans are on are charitably described as rafts." "They're coming from Havana in fruit baskets." " Let's be clear." " We are." "If it floats, it looks good to them." " How many are there?" " We don't know." " What time did they leave?" " We don't know." " Know when they arrive?" " No." "On high ground in Key West with binoculars I'd be as informed as you." " True." " Intelligence is money well spent." "Tom sent the Coast Guard." "They won't make it to our waters!" "The DEA could suspect drugs." " Do they?" " I can make a phone call." "If the DEA thought they had drugs wouldn't we have to search those rafts with guns and blankets?" "You look like hell." "You know that?" " I do." "Listen, did he say anything?" " Did he say anything?" "The president's pissed at you and so am I." "We gotta work with these people." "Where do you get off...?" " Al Caldwell's a good man." " He wasn't there." "You take the entire Christian right and dump them into one big pile." " We need them." " We don't need them." "We need Caldwell." "We want Caldwell." "We don't need John Van Dyke or Mary Marsh." "And I think there shouldn't be instant replay in football." " It was stupid." " Damn straight." " I was right, though!" " Like I don't know that." "Mr. McGarry, have they done an x-ray?" "Is anything broken?" "A $4000 titanium touring bike that I swore I'd never lend anyone." " I don't understand." " He's a klutz!" "The president's a geek." "You know how I feel about that kind of talk." " I apologize." " Just in this room, is all I'm asking." "Call OEOB." "Set up a briefing for the VP." "Coordinate with Katey Simons' office." " Get everybody?" " Yes." "Margaret?" "Call the editor of The Times ' crossword." "Tell him "Khaddafi" has one H and two D's." "And it isn't a 7-letter word." " Is this real or is this funny?" " Neither." "Can I say anything besides "Rode into a tree"?" " He'll never do it again." " They'll laugh." "He rode his bicycle into a tree." ""The president, while riding a bicycle on vacation came to a sudden arboreal stop. "" "Tell me about the Cubans." "Between 1200 and 2000 Cubans from a village south of Havana." " Headed where?" " Vegas." " Miami." "Their navigational equipment..." " Navigational? "That way is north. "" " If one had a fast ball, we'd get them." " That's not entirely true." "Forget about the journey." "The voyage is not our problem." " What's our problem?" " What to do when they hit Miami." "Can't send them back." " We'll get whacked." " Three districts." " Those seats are gone." " Plus, it's wrong." " Texas?" " Don't worry." "Keep Josh in the loop on this." " Me?" "The thing is..." " Deal with it." "I'm happy to." "I'm just saying, isn't this more of a military area?" "Military?" "We're under attack by Cubans in rowboats?" " I like our chances." " How did we win an election?" " Pat Thomas wants the Guard." " You'll create a panic situation." "I agree with Josh, C.J. and Sam." "You know that makes me crazy." "They're on the run." "Don't play games." "Send help, don't send the National Guard." "See that INS works with Red Cross and CDC." " I got a guy in CDC." " Talk to him." "Moving on, let's talk about Josh." "Al scares the president." "Josh knows." " He won't fire him." " He has no choice." " He's not gonna fire Josh." " He doesn't have a choice." "I had drinks with Sam Seaborn last night." " And the president's firing Josh?" " He needs these people." "Folks...." " What if he...?" " He doesn't have a choice." "Good morning." "Dr. Randal Haymen, chief of orthopedics at St. John's diagnosed the president with a sprained ankle sustained while cycling into a large tree." "Details are in the report being distributed with photos of the president resisting help and falling down again." "By all means, enjoy yourselves." "Item number two." "C.J., has the president...?" "Let's just get through this." "Item number two...." "None of your business." "If 38 states..." "You don't believe in any god that I pray to, Mr. Lyman." "The god you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud." "You don't believe in any god that I pray to, Mr. Lyman." "The god you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud." "That tie bleeds on television." " The tie wasn't the problem." " I told you." " What's that?" " Coffee." " I thought so." " It's for you." " What's going on?" " Nothing." "Coffee." "Close the door." " When did you start working here?" " The campaign." " How long ago?" " A year and a half." "When's the last time you brought coffee?" "You've never brought me coffee." " It isn't a big deal..." " If I get fired, I get fired." "Do you think he's gonna do it?" "No." "You won that election for him, you and Leo and C.J. and Sam." " Open the damn door." " And him." " Thanks for the coffee." " You're welcome." " Donna brought you coffee?" " Shut up!" "What's up?" "What'd I say yesterday?" " Don't get cute with Marsh." " Don't get cute." "I said don't treat Caldwell like a revival tent clown." " Caldwell wasn't there." " He was watching." "What do you want from me?" "I want you to keep your job." " How?" " I have a suggestion but it's not an indication that I like you." "I understand." "For the Sunday morning radio address on family values..." " That's on the schedule?" " Wait." " It's a regular Sunday." " When was it scheduled?" "After your smug, taunting, calamitous performance on Capitol Beat!" "America for Better Families, Al Caldwell, Mary Marsh." "I invited them for coffee to talk about..." " What they want to hear." " Yes." "Presidents are rolling in their graves." " Come to the meeting and be nice." " Why?" " It'll look good." " Caldwell's friends are bad." "He should say so for the common good." "Screw politics." "You don't run social policy!" "I'm in charge of the message around here!" "The best thing the president can do from a PR standpoint is to show you the door." "Come to the meeting." "Be nice, keep your job." "I'll be there." " Oh, take a look at this." " What's that?" "A kid in the newsroom clipped that this morning." "Guess who's coming to town to consult?" " She's leasing offices downtown." " Who's she working for?" "I'm checking it out." "That's a good picture of her." "Bruce?" "Bruce!" "I just got back into the business but I didn't come by way of a turnip truck." "Yank me around, and I'm gonna get cranky." "Who's your source on 443?" "Big fat byline above the fold?" "It's time we play "What Have You Done For Me Lately?"" "Don't say you're gonna try." "This isn't gym class." "I said gym class." "Gym class?" "Because it's important in gym to try." "It was a simple metaphor." "You're misinterpreting me and the senator." "It's bush-league reporting." " You ran a red light." " Hold on." "Hustle me, I'll make you cry." " License, please." " Just a second." "Now, please." "I'm under arrest." "I have to call you back." "Two percent in the third quarter." "The president's gonna check the revenue analysis and say economists are here to make astrologers look good." "Luther, one year from today, where's the Dow?" "Great." "Up 1000." " Fred?" "A year." " Not good." "Down 1000." "In a year, one of you will look stupid." " Can we go now?" " Go." "Get out." "We have storm systems in south Florida." "With any luck, the Cubans will turn around." "Think they're tuned to the National Weather Service?" "What is it?" " I think we're about to get tagged." " What?" " Re-election." " Not yet." "Don't let Russell push us around on Medicare or missiles." " You're taking him too seriously." " His stock is up." " Hollywood likes him." " It'll wait." "You're Lloyd Russell, prince of white suburban women middle-class black men, the Teachers' Union." "What do you do?" " Fund exploratory committees." " Run by?" " You." " I already got a job." " For now." " Then who?" "Mandy, if I could get her to leave her job at Lennox/Chase." " You'd be smart." " Think she'd be interested in his job?" " Guess what?" " She here?" " As of today." " Why?" "Working for Lloyd Russell." "Margaret!" "Get me Senator Russell's office on the phone!" "Same suit you wore yesterday?" "Yeah." "You?" "Yeah." " I think it's him." " It is." "I'm going over there." "Sorry to interrupt." "We're in a poli-sci group." "You're excellent." "Could we have your autograph?" "Mandy Hampton." "She's excellent too." " From the campaign." " You guys used to be a thing?" " Jenn!" " Sorry." "She stole money from me." "Thanks for stopping by." " Thanks." " Thanks." "See you." "You want to know if Lloyd's running." "I don't care." "He's a lightweight." " Don't like him?" " No." " How will he be on the budget?" " You should get to know him." " I have enough friends." " Not these days." " It's not like they were on our side." " They've waited for you to trip up." "It's Christmas morning for Mary Marsh." "You're a Fulbright scholar." "Don't you think that you're about to be fired?" "Do what Toby's telling you to do." "Did you call him Lloyd?" " Who?" " Senator Russell." " When?" " Just now." ""You want to know if Lloyd is running. "" "Unusual, using his first name to a third party." " Third party?" " Get my point?" " No." " You're dating Lloyd Russell." "Yes." "Wow." "That's great." " Are you gonna freak out?" " No." "Isn't he gay?" " He's not gay." " You sure?" " Very sure." " He seems effeminate." "He's very athletic." "Plenty masculine." " He's a woman." " Take me seriously." "I do." "The Times is releasing a poll that brings your unfavorables up to 48%." " I hadn't heard." " You will in an hour." " Says who?" " I'm not on your team." "First you give advice, now I'm not on your team?" "I want you at fighting weight when we start." " You and Lloyd Russell?" " Yeah." "Seventeen across." "It's wrong." "You're spelling his name wrong." "What's my name?" "My name doesn't matter." "I'm a citizen who relies on The Times ' crossword for stimulation." "I've met the man twice." "I've recommended a pre-emptive Exocet missile strike against his air force..." "Leo." " They hung up on me." " That's hard to believe." " What is it?" " I need someone for..." " Send Naomi." "What else?" " Press leak on A3C3." "That was Hutchinson." "What else?" "Please don't ask me about Josh." " I was asking..." " I don't know." "You know the president better than me." "I've known him 40 years." "Any given day, there's no predicting what he'll choose to care about." "I'm sorry." "I'm late." "The assault stats are wrong." "They came from your office." " You still can't use them." " Why can't I use them?" " The 76-year-old grandma." " Carr and Gilmore come back." "Who's the grandma?" "Every day, 17,000 Americans fire a gun..." "That is untrue." "Including a 76-year-old who defended herself against an intruder." "A grandmother doesn't defend herself with an AK-47 unless she's defending herself against Turkish rebels." " You know my assistant, Cathy." " Hi." "I need you a second." "Call me tonight." " Leo's wife called." " She hates me." "What did I do?" "You hit on her at a party." " I meant, why did she call?" " She wants..." "For the last time, I didn't know who she was!" " Anyway..." " Most women would be flattered." " Leo was touched." " What did she want?" "Her daughter's class is getting a tour." "She wants you to do it." " I can't." " They wrote essays." "I don't know anything about the White House." " You want to tell her that?" " Let this be a national emergency." "Cashmere Escorts." " You paged me." "Who is this?" " Sam Seaborn." "Sorry, there's been a mistake." " Who's this?" "Cashmere Escort Service." " Okay." "Page me." " Where are you going?" "Nowhere." "Page me and punch in my number." " You switched pagers with someone?" " A woman's about to call me." "You paged me?" " Laurie." "Who's this?" " It's Sam." "Sam Seaborn." "You called me." " Actually, you called me." "That's because you have my pager and I have yours." "Oh." " Yeah." "Can I come by and see you real quick?" "Yeah." " Thanks." "Good." " Four column inches above the fold." " You're wrong." "I don't have time to answer questions." "That won't stop you from asking." "Has the president reacted to Josh?" "None that I'm aware of." "I'll give you time when I've got it." " They picking up the scent?" " Billy is." " Josh is coming to the coffee." " Keep him cool." "The president's deeply religious." "I don't need to tell you." "His work with the Baptists, the Catholic League." "And my church." "He also spent months traveling around the country discouraging abortion." "Hang on." "He never said..." "It's not the government's place to legislate but he plays his role as a moral leader." "Something which cost him dearly in the campaign." "Why does he demonize us as a group?" "Your group has plenty of demons." "Every group has demons." "I know, I'm in the Democratic Party." "Everyone in the Christian Right isn't the same." "When you stand that close to Marsh and Van Dyke they paint you with the same brush." "I need them for muscle." "No, you don't, but you're in a tough spot." " I'm not looking for a holy war." " I know, Al." "We can keep this from escalating beyond a woman being angry at getting her hair messed up." "There you go." "It wasn't a little deal." "You need to take me seriously." "You don't think we take this seriously?" "Yesterday, the president ordered me to fire Josh Lyman." "I'm trying to talk him out of it." "He'll be here in 10 minutes." "Who knows if Josh still has a job?" "How much more seriously can we take it?" " It's regrettable." " Yes, it is." "Anyway, I'm glad Toby organized your meeting this afternoon." "So am I." " Can I come in?" " Sure." " Nice apartment." " You saw it last night." "I really like it." "It makes very good use of space." "The ladle on the pegboards." "It didn't come with the apartment." "It's mine." " Right." " Yes." " Can I ask...?" " Am I a hooker?" "What I was going to say is this:" "In addition to being a law student and part-time bartender are you what I am certain would be a very high-priced call girl?" "I make no judgments." "But with my job..." "Yeah." " Yes?" " Yes." "I'm sorry." "I should have told you." " I wanted you to like me." " I do." "I have to go." "My pager." "Thanks." " I don't know how often you get up..." " Sam, go." "You don't know who I am." "There are people who'd pay to try to..." "I know." "Go." "It's okay." "Reverend Caldwell, if you would step in here." "Excuse me." "We'll be a minute." "Everyone have a seat." "Everybody, nicely and quietly take a seat." " Put it on." " No!" "You've worn those clothes for 31 hours." "I'm not sprucing up for them." "All the girls think you look really hot in this shirt." "Bonnie?" "Tell Toby he's changing his shirt." "Right." " You're late." " I'm having a weird day." "The class is waiting in the Roosevelt Room." " I don't know what to say." " Tell them about the building." "I don't know about the building." " Fake it." " I can't." "Which one's Leo's daughter?" "What does she look like?" " I don't know." " Thank you for all your help." "Sure." " Sorry I'm late." " Mr. Seaborn, Mallory O'Brian." "These fourth-graders wrote essays on visiting the White House." "That's great." "Why don't we get started?" "I'm Sam Seaborn, the deputy communications director." "What does that mean, exactly?" "I'm a counselor to the president on domestic matters, not security related." "I work with the communications director and press secretary to get our message out through the media." "While my role here is seen as politically skewed remember, it's not the DNC, but your taxes that pay my salary." "So I work for you, whether you voted for us or not." "How about some history?" "Sure." "I graduated law school and started at Dewey Ballantine..." "Actually, I meant a history of the building." " The White House?" " Yes." "The White House was built several years ago mostly, if I'm not mistaken, out of cement." "The room we're in, the Roosevelt Room, is famous." "It is named after our 18th president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt." "The chairs were made from a pirate ship captured during the..." "Kids, I need to talk with Mr. Seaborn." "Sit tight for a second." "Hi." "Are you a moron?" " In this area, yes." " The 18th president was Grant." "This room was named for Theodore." " There's a painting of him in there." " I should've figured it out." "I can speak with authority on many things, but not about the White House." "The deputy communications director can't talk about the White House?" " It's ironic." " I don't believe it." "Can you tell me which one of those kids is Leo McGarry's daughter?" " Why?" " If I make sure she's having fun it might make my life easier." "These children worked hard." "I don't want to make your life easier." "Please believe me when I say I'm a nice guy having a bad day." "The Times says many Americans feel the White House is unfocused." "There's footage of the president riding into a tree." "We're fishing for Cubans but the governor of Florida wants a blockade." "My friend is about to get fired." "And I accidentally slept with a prostitute." "Please tell me which one of those kids is my boss's daughter." "That would be me." " You?" " Yes." "Leo's daughter's fourth-grade class." "This is bad on so many levels." "She'll try and bait you." " Lloyd Russell." "That'll last." " Listen to me." " They want you to sound arrogant." " That's easy." "We apologize." "We're running a bit late today." "Good afternoon." " How's the president?" " Mild sprain." "He's fine." "John Van Dyke." "Everybody, sit." "I'm happy you could be here today." "The president makes a usual Sunday radio address." " In a few weeks, he's..." " If I could interrupt." "Christian and family-oriented organizations while embraced by many Americans have been met with hostility by their government." "Yesterday morning on a television program that contempt was given a voice and a face and a name." " I'm referring to you." " Glad you brought it up." "I'm surprised." "I counted you as a friend." "And I'm honored by that." "When I spoke on the program yesterday I didn't speak for the president." "That's important." "Please allow me to apologize." "My remarks were insulting." "I went for a cheap laugh." "Anybody willing to debate ideas deserves more than a punch line." "Mary, I apologize." "Good, then." "Let's deal." " I'm sorry?" " What do we get?" " For what?" " Insulting millions." " Like Josh said..." " I heard." "What do we get?" " An apology." " Sunday's address." "School prayer or pornography." "Pick." " School prayer or porn?" " On every corner." " I know." " Condoms in the schools." " What?" " Condoms in schools." " That's a problem." " What?" "They reduce the risk of teen pregnancy and AIDS." "So does abstinence." "A teenager sees a condom, he turns to lust." "Show him a lug wrench, and he..." "School prayer, pornography, condoms." "What's it gonna be?" "We're not prepared to make a deal right now." "Sure we are." "Mary..." "You're cleaning out your desk at the end of the day." "I'll negotiate with Toby, if it's all the same." "It was only a matter of time." "That New York sense of humor..." "They think they're smarter." "But nobody else does." "I'm actually from Connecticut." "But the point is..." "She meant Jewish." ""New York sense of humor. "" " She meant you and me." " Let's not even go there." "There's been an apology." "Let's move on." "I want to know why we hear so much about amendments but not the Commandments." " I don't like what I'm accused of." " That's tough." "First Commandment is, "Honor thy father. "" "No, it isn't." "If we're going through this preposterous exercise we're gonna get the Commandments right!" "It's the third commandment." " And the first?" " "I am the Lord your God." "Thou shalt worship no other god before me. "" "Those were the days." " Good afternoon, Mr. President." " Al." " What do you got here, C.J.?" " We've got some hot tempers." " I'm John Van Dyke." " Yes." "Reverend?" "May I ask you a question?" "If children can buy pornography anywhere for $5 isn't that too high a price to pay for free speech?" " Really?" " However I do think $5 is too high a price for pornography." " Why don't we sit down?" " No." "They won't be staying long." "Some coffee, Mr. Lewis?" "I've asked you to denounce the practices of a group called the "Lambs of God. "" " It's not up to me." " Crap." "It is up to you." "My wife never wants me to do anything while I'm upset." "Thank you, Mr. Lewis." "Years ago, I came home from a very bad day." "I say I'm going for a drive." "I get in the car, put it in reverse, and pull out full speed." "But I forgot to open the garage door." "Abbey said not to drive angry." "She was right." "She said not to get on that bicycle while I was upset, but I did." "I was about as angry as I've ever been." "Seems my granddaughter had given an interview in a teen magazine." "Between movie stars and makeup she talked about a woman's right to choose." "Annie, all of 12, has always been precocious." "She's got a good head on her shoulders." "Her mother called me in tears." "I said, "Elizabeth, what's wrong?"" "She said, "It's Annie. "" "I love my family, I've read my Bible cover to cover, so you tell me:" "From what part of Scripture did the Lambs of God draw their inspiration when they sent my granddaughter a doll with a knife stuck through its throat?" "You'll denounce these people publicly." "Until you do, you can all get your fat asses out of my White House." "Show these people out." " I believe we can find the door." " Find it now." " We'll fix this, Leo." " See that you do." " I was the calmest person in the room." " Way to stay cool." "I won't auction off the Bill of Rights." "You almost hit her." " She called us New York Jews." " I'm from Connecticut." "You, C.J., were brilliant." "I liked the part where you said nothing at all." "All I could think about was Russell and your girlfriend." " Mandy and Lloyd Russell?" " "Hello, Mr. President!" "Did you have a nice trip, sir?" "How's the ankle, sir?"" "We've been taking a little break, thinking about our personal lives or thinking about keeping our jobs." "It's not a bad idea to take a break every now and then." "I know how hard you all work." "One time Annie came to me with this press clipping." "Some theologians in South America were excited because a little girl in Chile sliced a tomato and the inside flesh had actually formed a perfect rosary." "The theologians thought this was a very impressive girl." "Annie commented that she thought it was a very impressive tomato." "Don't know why I thought of that." "Intelligence reports 1200 Cubans left Havana this morning." "Approximately 700 turned back due to weather." "Some 350 are missing and presumed dead." "137 have been taken into custody in Miami and are seeking asylum." "They came through a storm." "The ones that didn't die want a better life, and they want it here." "Talk about impressive." "My point is this:" "Break's over." " Thank you, Mr. President." " Thank you, sir." ""Too busy being indicted for tax fraud"?" "Don't ever do it again." "Yes, sir." "Mrs. Landingham, what's next?" "Thomas and the majority leader would like a conference." "A group's assembling for a photo op." "At 7:00, you have cocktails...."