"Good Lord." "Good afternoon, sir." "Rather a spiffy little bus, don't you think so?" " You say bus?" " Car." "Fresh from the works this morning." "Got a revolutionary new engine, you see." "There, with the very latest six cylinder and a four-and-a-half inch bore and a five-and-a-half inch stroke." "Yeah, I don't much care for the shape of the decanter and the telephone is badly placed." "I want it on the left and..." "But the color scheme and the shape..." "Very pleasing." "Deliver it this afternoon." "Surely, you'd like a spin in it first." " I'd be happy to give you..." " Spin, what is a spin?" "Oh, it's a drive, sir." "How kind, my dear fellow." "My London car's down the street at my club and if I arrive at the foreign office in a strange motor, it might cause confusion." "Not that it's difficult to cause confusion at the office..." "Yes, but you haven't looked at the very latest engine." " But it is a Rolls-Royce, isn't it?" " It is, yes." " Then presumably, it must go." " Yes, but it's a very revolutionary engine." "This very latest six cylinder they have is something quite new..." " Harnsworth, how nice to see you." " And very good to see you too, my lord." "As always." "You're interested in our new Phantom?" "Yes, I bought it." "I don't like that decanter, Harnsworth." "It's a deplorable shape." "It shall be changed." "And the back seat I'm afraid is, I'd say, an inch too long for my wife." " It's for Her Ladyship?" " Yes." "I forgot our anniversary this year." "Wasn't that dreadful?" "Last Monday." " This is a little present to make up." " Yeah, and very suitable." "We have Her Ladyship's leg measurements filed with your own." " And the telephone on the left." " On the left." "Yes, I haven't forgotten, my lord." "All that shall be done." "It will take a week or so." "Oh, I'm afraid I must have it tonight." "At Cransden, rather a special reason." "I wonder if I've guessed it, my lord." "Last Monday you said?" "That was June the 10th, wasn't it?" "And that's why you've called your horse June the 10th?" " It's going to win Gold Cup tomorrow..." " Don't say that." "Where's some wood?" "Here, my lord." "It must have a chance." "It must have a good chance." "But the French horse stays forever." "Yes." "But your finishing speed." "That's what we're banking on." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "Goodbye." "Most interesting about the four-and-a-half inch bore." "I must remember to tell my wife all about it." "[CLOCK CHIMING]" "Taylor, what's been happening in the lunch hour?" "As Your Lordship will notice, there's nothing of prime importance in the tray." "They're all matters that will be dealt with satisfactory by me." " Now that Your Lordship's read them." " Thank you." "I wonder if Your Lordship would be kind enough to sign these two letters?" "Of course." ""We, The Right Honorable Marquess Frinton His Majesty's Principal Undersecretary of State."" "Are we "we," now?" "I thought it was only the foreign secretary." "It is a right which I've always tried to prescribe to this office with precedents dating back at least to William IV..." " You have, but his nibs won't like it." " His nibs is in Lausanne." "Well, let's risk it." "I must say I rather enjoy being we." "So do I, my lord." "Good." "Well, I hope that's all." "I've got to get down to the country." "Oh, the Lausanne report." "Got to initial it before it goes to the cabinet." "Mr. Fane will be dealing with that." "It has to be most secret." "Yes, of course." "I'll ring for him." "All right, Taylor." "Thank you for making me plural." " Oh, John, the Lausanne report." " It hasn't come through yet." "It must have." "It reached communication this morning." "They got a new deciphering clerk who's made a hash of things, and it's gone back for checking." "Why must they use a new clerk for a most secret king and cabinet only?" "It's typical foreign office." "When is it due?" " Not for two hours, I'm afraid." " Two hours?" "You'll want to get down to Cransden." "You have a large party for Ascot?" "Not particularly." "About 20 this year." "You want to be there for dinner." "Why not let me bring it down?" "It's extremely good of you, my dear fellow." "I can't send a messenger, unhappily, with the most secret." " Sure it won't put you out?" " No, I'll take a train." "I tell you what." "Bring your Ascot clothes and stay for the racing tomorrow." "Friday too if you like." "Oh, Friday not, I'm afraid." "I have to catch the boat to Caracas." "You posted me there." "Had you forgotten?" "Do you know I had?" "Caracas, it's a lovely place." "You'll like that." "I'm glad I was able to fix that up for you." "Not for me." "It was my wife who asked for the posting." "Ah, yes." "Of course." "At that dinner, I remember." "Charming woman, your wife." "Must have remarkable gift of foresight." "I don't wish to be inquisitive, my dear fellow, but I do notice things." "You have had more than your average of long weekends lately, haven't you?" "I don't think six months in Caracas will hurt." "Ladies can wait." "Can they?" "Oh, something more serious this time, is it?" "Oh, I know your reputation, John." "I don't think Caracas will hurt, all things considered." "What?" "What is this lunacy?" " Taylor." " Sir?" "You made an appointment with the Albanian ambassador tomorrow?" "He said it was most urgent, my lord." "And with the foreign secretary away..." "But tomorrow." "Gold Cup day?" "Gold Cup day?" "You don't know what that is?" "You've remained a clerk for 47 years, you don't know what Gold Cup day is?" "Cancel this appointment." "His Excellency has assured me that the matter can't wait." "Fighting has broken out on the frontier." " And unless immediate action..." " Why don't you invite him to Cransden?" "Good idea." "Tell His Excellency I want to give this serious matter my undivided attention." " A meeting in the calm of the country..." " Undisturbed by affairs of state." "Exactly, conducive to tranquil deliberation da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum." "And tell him to bring his racing clothes." "Albanians must surely like racing." "They do have horses out there, don't they?" "To shoot at each other from, I think." "Well, then, do something, Taylor." "I must go." "You won't be down in time for dinner, I suppose?" "FANE:" "No, I'll have it on the train." "Very good of you to do this." "Very good of you indeed." "Not at all." "It will be a pleasure." "John." " Is the dressing bell gone, Norwood?" " A few minutes ago, my lord." "That ambassador arrived." "I put him in the Gladstone room." "Oh, have you?" "The plug doesn't work there." "Well, Albania's not a very big country, is it, my lord?" "No." "He seemed in quite a stew when he arrived." "He's got fighting on his frontier." "Oh, has he?" "Darling?" "I'm in here, darling." "CHARLES:" "How many for dinner?" "ELOISE:" "Oh, just the guests." "I've kept the big night for tomorrow's victory celebration." "Oh, please find me my slippers." "Be an angel." "CHARLES:" "Well, where's your maid got to?" "Still at her rendezvous with her boyfriend, I suppose." "CHARLES:" "She's never here." "Why don't you get rid of her?" "ELOISE:" "For being in love?" "Well, she shouldn't mix business with pleasure to that extent." "How beautiful English." "They keep that distinction, darling, even in France." "Oh, thank you." "Oh, God, I look awful." "You look absolutely ravishing." "No, I know how I look, and it's how I feel." "Awful." "So tired." "Well, maybe it's time you had a little holiday." "Holiday?" "Yes." "Do you really mean that?" "Yes, of course." "It might be a good idea." "This place and the London house and Baldarney do rather wear me out." "In the autumn, could you make do with a housekeeper, Charles?" "But I've already got three." "I mean one very superior one." "I will find you someone magnificently efficient." "I'm sure." "But it's rather a large cold bed to sleep with only a hot water bottle for too long." "It won't be too long." "Just a few weeks." "That's too long." " Still, I haven't refused you much." " No, you haven't." "You should refuse me more, darling." "What do you mean by that?" "That I love you, I suppose." "Darling, I do adore you." "Oh, you'll be late." "I've missed you for days." "Days?" "We never see each other in the days." "Nights, I admit, are a more significant loss." "But tonight, thank heavens, won't be." "Oh, by the way, I talked to your doctor." " What did he say?" " Absolutely nothing wrong." " He says you've been making it up." " Making it up?" "Lmagining it." "Lots of women do." "There's no trouble at all." "Believe me." "I've still got that splitting headache, and I couldn't sleep last night." "Tonight, I was going to slip away directly after dinner." "Good." "And I'll slip with you." "But surely, someone has got to look after our guests." "Why?" "Let me taste that." "Different year." "They'll never notice." "I'll back your horse at the odds, Therese." "With you, if you like." "Six thousand-to-four?" "You're tempting providence." "We all know it is a great ambition of your life to win the Gold Cup." "But just to teach you a lesson yes, I will take the bet." " Good." "Eloise, your husband and my wife are having a very intimate little talk." "Yes, I can see they are." "Do you think we can guess what it's about?" "Could it possibly be about...?" "WOMAN:" "Horses." "Do you like horses, ambassador?" "I think what Lady St. Simeon was asking was whether you'll be coming racing horse racing, with us tomorrow?" "Racing." "THERESE:" "Charles, the prime minister told me the story himself." "CHARLES:" "I don't believe it." "THERESE:" "It must be true." "And besides that..." "Oh, my dear fellow." "How good of you." "Norwood, in my room, please." " Now, let's see." "Do you know my wife?" " We have met." "Yes, of course you have." "Come along." "Darling." "You remember Mr. Fane of the foreign office?" "Take care of him." " He's had dinner on the train." " Come over here, Mr. Fane." "Can you give us another chair, please, Henry?" " You don't mind, Jean-Louis, do you?" " Certainly." " You met Duc d'Angouleme, of course." " How do you do?" "And I'm sure you know the Albanian ambassador." "Oh, Lady St. Simeon." "Yes, Mr. Fane and I do know each other." "Would you like some champagne?" "Thank you so much." "You know, Duc, I'm terribly unlucky in love." "And you never win on horses." "You brought down some papers for Charles?" "Yes, a rather important state document." "Thank you." "How very kind." "You could have let me know." "I couldn't." "I only managed to arrange it at the last second." "Thank you, anyway." "You get a quite good dinner on the 6:45." "I'm afraid I didn't." "Boiled halibut." "And pink sauce." "[BOTH LAUGH]" "I don't think it's going to be possible tonight." "It has to be." "I'm leaving tomorrow." "Tomorrow?" "But you said Saturday." "That horrible pink sauce." "That has such an exquisite color and an abominable taste." "I think they call it anchovy sauce." "Why isn't it possible tonight?" "Anchovy sauce." "Yes, of course." " Because I think he's onto it." " To me?" "I don't think so, but he's onto something." "Really, Eloise is extraordinarily good at putting people at their ease." "Yes, Charles, she is an extraordinary woman." "Oh, do you think so?" "I never thought of her as extraordinary." "Just ideal." "But I suppose to be ideal is to be extraordinary." "Yes." "We can try a walk in the garden." "The summer house by the lake at 10?" "I'll try." "It won't be easy." "I'll be there." "Just wait there half an hour." "Only half an hour." "[BOTH LAUGH]" "Forgive me, my lord." "An article has been delivered." "Your signature is required." "Article?" "What article?" "A yellow Rolls-Royce." "Now, listen, everybody." "Please." "I want you to come outside." "Wanna show you something." "We'll come back for our port and brandy." "Darling, I know I'm showing off and you'll be ashamed of me but your anniversary present has arrived." "Anniversary present?" " June the 10th." "But that was days ago." " I know, and I forgot it." "Oh, I hadn't even noticed it, Charles." "She always pretends she never notices when I forget." "The ideal wife." "Didn't I tell you, Therese?" "Oh, but darling, it's beautiful." "It's the most beautiful car in the whole world." "But the telephone." " It's being seen to." " Yes, sir." "Thank you." "Take us for a spin, would you?" " A spin?" " It means a drive." "Thank you." "Oh, forgive us, Therese, everybody." "It's rather an important occasion." "Our 10th anniversary last Monday." "We'll join you as soon as we can." "Osborn, drive to the lodge and perhaps we might test this revolutionary engine on the Oxford road." " Thank you." "AMBASSADOR:" "My lord." "My lord." "Excuse, please, pardon." "When do we talk about my crisis?" "My dear ambassador, when I get back." "Why, John, what ages it seems since we last met." "Yes, ages indeed." "Since February, I think." " You might at least have written." " I did write." "In February." "And how many times have I written since?" "Far too many." " All right, Osborn, warm her up." " Right, my lord." "Osborn, try it flat out now." "Isn't that gorgeous?" "Charles, we're already a long way from home." "They'll be wondering what has become of us." "Only a few more miles." "When we got to Nettlebed, we'll turn off and come back." "But our guests will be wondering." "Let them wonder." "[JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS]" "MAN:" "Eloise, what about this new car?" "I adore it." "Oh, darling, I'm a little tired." "Maybe the excitement of my marvelous anniversary present." "I think I'll go to bed." "I must desert you all, I'm afraid." "Good night, dear." "And thank you." "Good night, everyone." "See you tomorrow." "Charles will look after you." " Good night." " Good night." "I'm not sure I won't come with you." " Oh, no." " No, but please forgive me." "But I had rather a tiring day at the foreign office." "You must all stay up till 4 or 5:00 in the morning." "The young ones, Fane, for one, must lark about in the billiard room and break all the windows." "Those are Norwood's explicit orders." " Good night." "AMBASSADOR:" "Lord." "Lord." "Lord." " Dear lord." " Dear ambassador." "You and I have so much to discuss." "I just heard the crisis on our Macedonian border grows hourly more grave." "Oh, does it?" "Well, perhaps we'd better sleep on it." "Things always seem so much less grave in the morning, don't you think?" "Good night." "Therese, you go in the second car with Jean-Louis." "And you too, Angela." "But where's the ambassador?" "CHARLES:" "Oh, good God." "AMBASSADOR:" "Lord." "Lord, I am most happy to bring you glorious news." "Our crisis is over." "Your crisis?" "Oh, crisis." "Yes, splendid." "Our Macedonian invaders have now retreated taking a few cattle with them." " We will ask for the usual compensation." " Oh, yes, yes, of course." "But what is this?" "You are all going to a wedding?" " I was told it was horse racing." " Yes, yes, it is horse racing." "The English are always so absurd about over-dressing for everything." "Anyhow, you're far more sensibly dressed than we are." "Much more colorful too." "That fur in your hat, is that badger?" " Badger." " Yes, I thought it was." "Fane, take care of His Excellency, will you?" "See he gets to the right box." "Good Lord." "[CHEERING]" "Oh, dear Lord, I think your horse is going to win, yes?" "No, I haven't got a horse in this race, dear ambassador." "It's the next one, the Gold Cup." "I would like to have some champagne." "What about you, Mr. Fane?" "I'd love some." "ELOISE:" "I'm so sorry about last night." "I must see you alone." "I go this evening." "Please." "Impossible." "Where?" "Unless..." "Unless?" "The yellow Rolls-Royce." " The yellow Rolls-Royce?" " The yellow Rolls-Royce." "MAN:" "Goodbye for now, Lady St. Simeon." "Such an unusual color, Lady Frinton." "Yes, isn't it, Mr. Fane?" "Hello, Angela." "ANGELA:" "Oh, hi." " Are you winning?" "Not yet, darling." "When?" "The only time it will be safe is during the Gold Cup." "But he'll expect me to be with him." "You can make some excuse." "The Gold Cup." "I can't." "You won't see me for a very long time." "I can't do this to him." "Yes, you can." "WOMAN 1:" "Look, look." "WOMAN 2:" "What is it?" "WOMAN 1:" "Their Majesties." " Darling, you going to the tote?" " Yes." " Hope you bet your maximum." " Whole pound." " Are you alone?" "I thought Jean-Louis...?" " Gone into the paddock." "It wouldn't be right to be photographed." "I'll take you to the tote, then we go to the paddock looking proud." " No." " No?" "I'm scared of the paddock." "I'll have to meet Queen Mary." "She'll compliment me on my hat." " She'll be quite right." "It's a pretty hat." " She scares me." "Oh, nonsense." "And I don't like being watched by crowds." "Well, you have to give me my good luck kiss in the box." "Now." "Good luck." "Aren't we going to watch the race?" "The American ambassador, I promised to see it from his box." " Darling, he has a horse running." " Well, so have I." "I know." "But his hasn't a chance, and yours is going to win." "So common charity demands I should be with him, don't you think so?" "I thought charity began at home." "Oh, I must go, I'll be late." "Have I got time to offer you champagne before your inevitable triumph?" "Yes, Angela, there's still plenty of time." " A half a bottle of the widow, please." " Clicquot half." "Thank you." "Well, Eloise should be a very proud wife tonight." "Yes, let's hope so, anyway." "Everything in the world, Charles." "Thank you, Angela." "Oh, you look worried." "Of course I'm worried." "The Frenchman." "The Frenchman." "Oh, yes." "Any other horse in the field that could beat June the 10th?" "No, no, no, of course not." "No." "What do you mean, then?" "Nothing, nothing at all, Charles." "Don't be so silly." "Just that you are not to worry." "What do you know?" "Nothing." "A great deal less than you, I should imagine." "Charles, Fane is a very fascinating young man." "And Eloise is at that age..." "Oh, forgive me, Charles." " When an adventure of this kind can give her a last clutch at youth." "Assignations in summer houses or in yellow Rolls-Royces in Ascot car parks must seem tremendous fun to her." "It's all so understandable." "Charles, now don't make a big thing of it." "Eloise is far too sensible a woman to let things get out of hand." "Yes." "Thank you, Lady St. Simeon." "Gracious me." "I'm not Angela anymore?" "No." "I thought you were going to be late for the Gold Cup." "That would never do." "He's looking fine." "The crowds haven't worried him a bit." "Even King George didn't upset him." "Mickey, look after things, will you?" "I'll join you as soon as I can." "All right." "And he never even wished me luck." "Will he get mounted, please?" " Congratulations, my lord." " Thank you." "Why weren't you watching the race from your box?" " Nerves?" " Of course." "Where did you watch the race from?" "Over there." "Away from the crowd." "Excuse me, I have to go to the unsaddling enclosure." "Lady Frinton, what would you call the material of that charming dress?" "Broiderie Anglaise." " With matching accessories?" " Yes, gray ones." "This must be the happiest day of your life, Lord Frinton." "Thank the Lord you're here." "Where have you been hiding yourself?" "My boy." "My boy." "MAN:" "Lord Frinton." "Lord Frinton." "His Majesty is waiting to present you with the cup." "Oh, yes, of course." "[CROWD CHEERING]" "Do you love him?" "I'm mad about him." "Angela St. Simeon said something about it not being important." "Not really important, I mean." "Something about your clutching for your youth." "Angela would." "Is it true?" "I'm mad about him, voil tout." "Yes, voil tout." "And I repel you now?" "The illness was a lie, wasn't it?" "Yes." "And you hate me even to touch you?" "I love you, Charles." "I've always loved you." "That's very kind of you to tell me." " Isn't it enough?" " No, it's not enough." "You know it's not enough." "Yes, I do." "I'm sorry." "So, what are we to do?" "You can divorce me." "You know I can't." "Divorce is out of the question." "Yes, I realize that." "Then why did you say it?" "Just because it is out of the question." "I can't understand how it's gone wrong." "Oh, Charles, darling." "Oh, don't cry." "Osborn can see you in his mirror." "Oh, yes, of course he can." "The little holiday was to Caracas?" "Yes." "Would it have cured you?" "I don't know." "Does he love you?" "I don't think so." "Oh, Eloise, for God's sake, why?" "It's a stupid question, I suppose." "No, not stupid." "Just unanswerable." "And so, what are we to do?" "Go on, I suppose." "What else can we do?" "Oh, God." "How I'm gonna hate living from now on." "MAN 1:" "Congratulations." "MAN 2:" "Well done, Charles." "MAN 3:" "Good show." "Everyone in." "[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]" "We'll fill it with champagne." "Norwood, please." "Come in, dear ambassador." "Come in, Therese." "Thank you, Osborn." "That will be all." "My lord." "Oh, thank you, Norwood." "Pretty thing, isn't it?" "Yes, my lord." "It will go very nicely with the others." "Yes." "Oh, Osborn." "Yes, my lord?" "Have the motor car returned to Hoopers." "Why, my lord?" "It displeases me." "Hey, baby." " All right, I'll buy you anything you like." " Oh, who cares what I like?" "She got a mood." "She's hungry." "I'll take her to Tonino's." "From there, she can see the statue of Christopher Columbus, whole works." "The tenor sings good there, Joey." "Like the idea?" "I've heard tenors since we landed here." "Oh, have I heard tenors." "Can't they sing anything here except "O Sole Mio"?" "I learnt that at my mother's knee." "I know what you learnt at your mother's knee, it wasn't "O Sole Mio."" "Look, baby, down here, "O Sole Mio" is like "The Star-Spangled Banner" back home." "So when you say things like that, be careful, huh?" "[SLAPS]" "Be careful." "I'll show you what I mean." "[SINGING "O SOLE MIO"]" "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "Signor Maltese." "MALTESE:" "Will you like to pick up my money, please?" "Signor Maltese, you must please forgive me." "I didn't recognize you." "I am Bomba, the owner." "Pick it up." "[PEOPLE LAUGHING]" "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "Hey." "Hey, hey." "This is a great joy, Signor Maltese." "They are telephoning me from the Excelsior that you'd be honoring us with a visit." "You wish to buy a car?" "I'm in Italy for three months' holiday to visit my folks." "To marry my fidanZata." "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "This is a most important car." "That fidanZata thing, that was a crack, wasn't it?" "MAN:" "This is the fastest open car." " That means affianced." "Affianced, like getting married?" " That's all it meant?" "MAN:" "And the Duce is never wrong." "As far as I know." "Unhappily, we have nothing armor-plated." " Signor Capone was recently..." " I don't want armor-plated." "It's smiling." "Eyes, and the nose and the mouth." "You're kind of old-fashioned maybe, but there's something about you." "You know what you've got?" "You've got class." "Hey, this is the one I want." "This one with the telephone thing." "This is cute." "So you call up the driver on it." "Joey, get in and I'll work it." "You see, you press this button, then the driver hears what you're saying." " Friedlander." " Yes, madam, your instructions?" "Drive straight over that mountain." "I have a fancy to see the view." "As Your Ladyship commands." "What is this old heap?" "Old heap?" "Old heap?" "Signor Maltese, it is a Rolls-Royce." "The best." "Of course it's the best." "You don't know a lady when you see one." "It's got 20,000 miles in it." "That is nothing for a Rolls-Royce." "The last owner was a Maharajah." "He ruined himself gambling at the San Remo casino." "That is how we got the car." "How much do you expect to get for it now?" "Well, perhaps a little more than even you can afford, Signor Maltese." "Shall we...?" "[GUN CLICKS]" "How much?" "Let me see." "At present rate about $ 15,253.75." "You think I can't afford that?" "But for you, naturally I would make a little reduction, Signor Maltese." "Give him the full price, Joey." "Couldn't I leave out the 75 cents, maybe?" "No." " Lf my loved one wants a Royce-Rolls..." " A Rolls-Royce." " My loved one gets a Royce-Rolls." "Gorilla." "If this old yellow heap breaks down on me on the way to Pisa it won't only be my beloved fidanZata who'll be in trouble." "[BOTH SPEAK IN ITALIAN]" "MAE:" "So it leans." "So a lot of things lean." " You ever heard of Galileo?" " Sure, I heard of Galileo." " She ever heard of Galileo?" " No." "MALTESE:" "Five, 600 years ago this Galileo dropped two stones off that tower one big one and one little one." "So?" "So he proved the law of gravity, or something, I don't know." "MAE:" "And brained a couple of citizens maybe." "Big deal." "Hey, mister." "Photograph?" "Mister?" "Mister?" "It's one of the Seven Wonders of the World." "Beat it, will you?" "One of the Seven Wonders of the World." "Will you beat it?" "Okay, okay." "You're the loser." "Look at it." "What is it?" "The cathedral." "That is the most beautiful and most famous cathedral in the world." "MAE:" "It's got too many pillars." " Too many pillars." " Yeah." "Listen to me, that is the most beautiful and the most famous cathedral in the world." " It's got too many pillars." " It was built in 1050." "Yeah, so in 1050, they put in too many pillars." " This over here is the Baptistery." " Oh, yeah." "From all over the world..." "Listen." "That is the Baptistery." "From all over the world, people are coming every day just to look at it." "Well, I guess they just must like Baptisteries." "Without exception, Joey without challenge from anyone, anywhere this is the most stupidest, the most unfeelingest the most uncooperative broad in the whole planet." "And this is the girl, my fidanZata that I'm bringing home to meet my folks." "And of all the women in the world I could choose from to be my wife, who do I choose?" "An ignorant slob of a hat-check girl who thinks Pisa Piazza del Duomo in Pisa, Joey is a stopping off place between hamburger joints." "All right, I will bring you the photograph personally tonight." " Be sure you do." " Yeah." " Which hotel are you staying?" " Tario Lario." " Room number?" " Forty-five." "Forty-five." "Wonderful." " Bye." " Bye, bye." "MAE:" "Will you come on?" "I'm hungry." "I don't suppose you'd like to sneak one last long look at the Cathedral?" "I've had Pisa." "JOEY:" "Think he's dead?" "Wait a minute, boss." "We don't wanna get mixed up in no trouble." "Trouble's my business, eh?" "Come on." "You wait here." ""Wait," he says." ""Trouble is my business," he says." "[GUNSHOT]" "[MAE SCREAMS]" "Give me that before you hurt yourself." "Oh, well, what are you doing?" "Are you Peeping Toms?" "He's a photographer." " I know what he is." " At your service, signorina." "Get lost." "STEFANO:" "Today is not my day." "I said to myself:" ""Ecco, I take a real artistic photograph make plenty of money and travel to Rome first-class and dining car." But what happens?" "Bang, bang." "No photograph and no dining car." " Okay, okay, I'll walk." " You want a lift?" "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "Hey, you're from Naples, huh?" "Yes and no." "I'm from Soriano." "[MALTESE SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]" "You speak very good Italian for an American." "What makes you think I'm American?" "Well..." "Such a suit, such a car." "And such a girlfriend." "Yeah." "[SLAPS]" "[BOTH SPEAK IN ITALIAN]" " And such a chauffeur." " Take it easy, kiddo." "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "MALTESE:" "Florence, huh?" "JOEY:" "Hey, Mae." "STEFANO:" "At your feet, signorina." "Isn't it great?" "It makes beautiful picture and I'm an artist with the camera, but what's the use?" "I have to live on tourists and tips." "Who tip best?" "The American or German ladies?" "An interesting question." "English ladies, in fact, tip the best." "But they are so serious." "Always so serious." "They think that if you have just one conversaZione, signore, just one that you are bound to be loving them for life." "And what about Italian women?" "Eh." "Five lire for the photograph." "And if you go home with them, what?" "They have a husband, and you get a black eye, without 5 lire." "Are all the guys here like that?" "Sure, they're amoral." "I guess they are immoral." "No, amoral." "There's a difference?" "Sure, an immoral guy is a guy who knows he's doing wrong, but he keeps on doing it anyway." "Like me, Paolo, or maybe you might." "An amoral guy doesn't know it's wrong." "Well, so he keeps on doing it too?" "Sure." "Whatever this guy is, I don't think a guy should go talking about women the way this guy does." "They're frustrated women, baby, most of them." "He gives them something, like..." "Yeah, they give him something, too, maybe, like money." "Well, that's life." "MALTESE:" "Sit down." "STEFANO:" "Thank you." "Well, I would, first of all, like to take a photograph of the lady." "With the most beautiful view in the whole world, signorina." "Well, I really wouldn't know." "Can I have a cup of coffee, please?" "And something to eat, maybe?" "I'm going to get a cigar." "[STEFANO AND MAE LAUGH]" "Yeah, what's so funny?" "Just that you show me often the left side of your face when your right is even better." "Of course, you know that yourself, because, surely, you're a film star." "I am not a film star." "I'm not a film anything." "I'm a hat-check girl in a night club in Miami." " Any other questions?" " Thank you." "Full face, your best of all." "You have a great beauty, signorina." "Yeah, just like all the other American girls, huh?" "STEFANO:" "No, unhappily that's not true." "That's what you tell them." "STEFANO:" "No, I just sometimes let them believe it." "Even if they're old and ugly?" "When people are old and ugly it is kinder not to let them remember it, don't you think?" "Yeah, it's better business." "Yes, also better business." "You must come to Soriano one day." "That's where I go now for the season." "Where the tourists are, there you'll find me." "The right is better." "Only just, but it is." "I think your mother and father must have come from Naples, no?" "They're from Brooklyn." "Grandmother?" "Grandfather?" "Her grandmother was Italian." " From Naples?" " Why Naples?" "Because only in Naples does such beauty belong." "For 2000 years, ever since Caligula, it has been so." "[BAND PLAYS]" "Listen to this song." "[STEFANO HUMMING]" "[SINGING "FORGET DOMANl"]" "What's luna mean?" "Moon?" "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" " How about mare?" " The sea." " Amore means love." " I know what that means." "Well, who's Caligula?" "Caligula?" "A Roman emperor." "He loved the Bay of Naples." "Did he think the Neapolitan girls were beautiful?" "Oh, yes." "But, of course, if you had been there, they wouldn't have had a chance." "You would have been the empress of the world." "You know what you are?" "You're amoral." "That's the word, isn't it, Joey?" "Amoral." "Not immoral." "Amoral." "Yeah, that's the word, honey." " What is this word, signorina?" " Amoral." "It means you don't know right from wrong." " And when you do wrong..." " I don't know I do it, but I still do it." "That's right." "So it can't be that wrong after all, can it?" "Perhaps it could even be right." "Who knows?" "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "Okay, kid, we heard it all before." "Joey." "Wait a minute." " Joey, you got 500 lire?" " Yeah, sure, boss." "Give it to him." "This is for her photographs." "GraZie tanto, signore, but you're going to Rome?" "Maybe yes, maybe no." "You better thumb another ride." "Where shall I send the photographs?" "Don't bother." "Then you have given me too much money." "[JOEY SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "[STEFANO SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "Take it easy, kiddo." "Amoral, huh?" "I will remember that." "[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]" "[WOMAN SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]" "Signor Maltese, this is an honor." "Your suite is quite ready for you." "Permit me." "MAN 1:" "There is a cable arrived only an hour ago." "Take signore up to his suite." "MAN 2:" "Follow me, please, signore." "This way, stupid." "Ah!" "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "Not bad news, I trust." " Joey." " Yeah?" "Find out the next ship back to the States." "A fast ship." " Okay." " Cancel our reservation, we leave tonight." " This is a tragedy." " Why a tragedy?" "I'll pay." "Oh, no, no, signore." "I mean, it is a tragedy for us that we will not have a chance of seeing more of such a distinguished friend of Signor Capone." "I ain't gonna be a distinguished friend of Signor Capone's very long if I don't get back to Miami prontissimo." " We're going back to Miami." " Joey." "Our best chance is an Italian ship." " It leaves from Naples 12 midnight." " You think we can make it?" "Are you kidding?" " In that old yellow peril?" "MAE:" "We're going to Miami." " No, we're not going to Miami." " Huh?" "I'm going to Miami." "Business cleared up in two, three days." "You and Joey stay here in Italy." "What are we gonna do here without you?" "What you've been doing." "Relax, enjoy, see the sights." " I saw the sights." " What are you talking about?" "You ain't seen nothing yet." "Two months' sightseeing in Naples alone." " Yeah, Vesuvius." " Pompeii, Santa Lucia..." " A lot of tenors singing about it." " Lf you get bored, go someplace else." "Ow." "MALTESE:" "Well, we made it, right?" "In two hours flat." "You see, you're not an old heap and he's a slob for leaving us alone like this." "Oh, well, you and I'll just..." "I get worried." "She talks to that car like it was alive and breathing and could hear things." "You think maybe should take her to a doctor or something?" "I doubt if there's much he could do, boss." "I don't want to marry a nut." "You don't?" "Not a real nut." "Do they come any realer?" "Mae..." "[SLAPS] ...you keep your nose clean." "Take care of yourself." "Do you think you can pull this job on your own over there, boss?" "What, O'Leary?" "He don't start, Joey." "He just don't start." " He shot Devario." " Devario must have been dreaming." "He's got some tough, bright boys." "I got them tougher and brighter even without you." "I kind of like to have you on this job but it looks like you got a rougher assignment here." "Like babysitting?" "Yeah, like babysitting." "MAE:" "Well, what's it today, Joey?" " The Museum." " Oh, no, not again." "Isn't there anyplace else around here we can go?" "Every day you ask me the same question and every day I say I don't know." "Cameriere, isn't there some place around here that we could go visit for the day?" "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "This place is full of such places." "Posillipo, Amalfi, Soriano, Positano..." "Soriano, hey, I heard of that." " Isn't that the place where that guy...?" " Yeah, that's the place." "Is that on Paolo's list?" "No, it's not on Paolo's list." "Paolo said if I got bored I could go anyplace." "He said that, didn't he, Joey?" " Yeah, he said that." " Well, I got bored." "So I think I'll run up to Soriano for the afternoon." "Stay the night, maybe." " It looks like any other place to me." " Does it?" "STEFANO:" "Wonderful." "WOMAN:" "Really?" "You wanna stay?" "Sure, why not?" "We're here." "Bye." "[WOMAN SPEAKS IN FRENCH]" "Hello." "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "Welcome to Soriano." "Hello, kiddo." "How do you like it?" "I don't know." "We just got here." "And you came at once to see me?" "We didn't even know you were here." "We just happened to stop by." "You don't know how glad it makes me that you just happened to drop by." "The right side is still the better." "And I'm still being amoral." "Such a good word, signorina." "Every night, I'm impressing someone with this word." "Especially the English, huh?" "Especially the English." "It's so good to see you, really." "Where's your fidanZato?" "Has he deserted you?" "He sure has." "Forever?" "Could be, I don't know." "Who cares anyway?" "He had to go back to the States on business." "He'll be back in Italy in a short while." "STEFANO:" "He must be mad to leave you." "[BAND PLAYING "FORGET DOMANl"]" "Remember?" "Look, isn't it wonderful?" "MAE:" "Oh!" "Now we all get ready, okay?" " Yeah." " Okay." "Come on, kiddo." "Are you ready?" " Are you ready?" "MAE:" "Yeah." "[MAE LAUGHS]" "Look." "That's where Caligula lived 2000 years ago." "From there, he would have people thrown down onto the rocks." "Paolo could've taught him a thing or two." "It's really scary." "Are there ghosts in here, Stefano?" "Hundreds, signorina." "But why should we care?" "They won't harm any of us." "Only the people who have committed murder, those they harm." "All right." "Well, let's move on." "STEFANO:" "The Sapphire Grotto is there." "MAE:" "In that little hole?" "Inside is very big and very beautiful." "MAE:" "Oh, come on, I'll race you." "Okay." "[MAE SCREAMS]" "STEFANO:" "Beautiful girls are not looking beautiful in the water but you look even more beautiful." "I don't care how I look, I'm having fun." "Come on in, Joey." " No, I'm not getting in that hole." " Oh!" "It's perfectly safe, and inside, it's magnificent." "Nothing and nobody's getting me in that." "Why?" "Are you afraid of ghosts?" "You're a big sissy." "No, I'm not afraid of ghosts." "Know what I'm afraid of?" "I'll tell you what I'm afraid of." "I'm afraid of that damn hole." "Sissy." "Oh, it's out of this world." "[YELLS]" "[ECHOES]" "Stop, Stefano, stop." "It really does sound like ghosts." "What did Joey mean about Paolo teaching Caligula a thing or two?" "Oh, I don't know." " Your fidanZato is called Paolo?" " Uh-huh." "And what's his family name?" "Maltese." "Maltese?" "Paolo Maltese." "Paolo Maltese, mamma mia." "And I didn't recognize him when all the time in our papers, they talk about Paolo Maltese." "Only last week, another killing, another machine-gunning." "Okay, okay, so he's a gangster." "And so I'm a gangster's moll." "And you're scared stiff, huh?" "Now, what did you go and do that for?" "Well, it was all wrong." "I'm amoral, remember?" "I'm supposed not to know wrong from right." "Does that answer your question?" "How many other girls have you kissed in here?" "Hundreds." "And do they all tip you?" "Yes, they tip me." "Am I supposed to tip you too?" "It's up to you." "And you call that a happy life?" "Does it really matter what I call it?" "It couldn't be any different." "Why?" "Because I do what's expected of me." "That's why." "The rich tourists come here for that." "They want a cheap thrill." "We've learned to give them what they want." "So I have to pretend." "I have to play the comedy." "We all have to live somehow." "Oh, I suppose so." "Are you going to marry Paolo Maltese?" "Yes, I am." "And you're not scared?" "No, why should I be scared?" "For him, I mean." "Oh, he can look after himself." "Can he look after you?" "Look, do you really mind whether I'm unhappy or not?" "Yes, I mind." "Why?" "Marriage is for always." "That's a long time to be unhappy." "Oh, yeah." "You'll never get married, will you?" "Sure, sure." "One day." "Poor girl." " Why poor girl?" " Oh, because she'll be so jealous." "She won't have cause." "What kind of girl will she be?" "Someone as like you as I can find." "A face and a body." "Oh, no." "No, tesoro." "I'll never, never find someone like you in the whole world." "Someone who can give so much joy and happiness." "Joy and happiness?" "Yes." "Like a child." "Like a beautiful child." "Don't grow up." "Whatever happens to you, don't grow up." "Do you love him?" "Sure, I love him." "He's the only person in the world who's ever been good to me." "That's not a reason for love." "It's reason enough for me." "Not for anyone, least of all you." "[SOBBING]" "Oh, Stefano." "No, I do love Paolo." "I do, I do." "I do, I do, I do." "The ghosts are here after all." "Where is she?" "They went off yesterday." "You see, we were not even able to deliver this cable." "MALTESE:" "I guess it's from me." "Where did they go?" "I don't know, signore." "She said she would stay away probably one night, perhaps two." "You listen to me." "MAN:" "I know where they go, signore." "Where?" "Oh, Joey, isn't it beautiful?" "You know that tower over there?" "Well, you can't see it from here." "Only the top." "But do you know what it's called?" "A campanile." "That means bell tower." "I'll show that to you someday, Joey, but not tonight." "Tonight's the fiesta." "And there'll be a heap of things going on in that town down there." "Like what?" "Well, like I'm meeting Stefano and there'll be dancing and singing and fireworks." "Oh, Joey, I'm so happy." "I suppose that means he'll be coming back anytime now, huh?" "Yup." "Anytime." "That paper's eight days old." "Joey, do you think Paolo might...?" "Might what?" "You think he might let me go?" "He can't love me all that much, Joey." "Not all that much." "I mean, what is there to love all that much?" "I think I should tell you something." "I don't wanna know, get it?" "Because if I did know and Paolo knows I know I'd be deader than the deadest duck in Europe." "And that dead I don't like being." "I like living." "So do I, Joey." "Well, it wouldn't seem so, sugar." "Joey, couldn't you tell him I ran away someplace and you don't know where?" "Well, he won't kill you, Joey." "Look, for once, I'm not thinking only of myself." "I'm thinking of your boy when Paolo catches up with him." "Maybe he'll just be dead, but he'll be glad to be dead." "Maybe he won't catch up with him." "Paolo?" "Does a person have to hate life?" "I wouldn't say hate it." "I'd say accept it." "There's not much else you can do, honey." "The only law that matters is the law of survival." "What about all this?" "Yeah." " And, Joey, there's..." " I know." "I know." "You gotta do something about that guy, honey." "For his sake." "[BAND PLAYING "FORGET DOMANl"]" "I thought you were never coming." "You said 9, remember?" "I forgive you." "I've got a surprise for you." "Look." "Yeah." " What's that for?" " The picture, it's good." "And for showing me and Joey around." "Thanks a lot." "What's wrong with you?" "Do you mind?" "These are diamonds." "And these." "And these." "And these and this." "And there are plenty more where they came from." "Look at me." "Look at me, amore mio." "Now, say again what you say to me this morning." "I love Paolo." "I do." "Scusi, signorina, but it is not for sale." "That's too bad." "Do whatever you want." "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "Could be you were right about that law, Joey." "What'd you call it?" "Survival?" "Yeah, survival." "Now Stefano can live so he can be happy." "And me..." "Hell, I could be happy just surviving." "Paolo." "Yeah, it's me." "Boss, we wasn't expecting you." "I guess not." "Hey, sure glad to see you, boss." "How'd you know we was here?" "I heard." "You miss me, babes?" "She'd been missing you like crazy." "Missing you like crazy." "For the last three weeks I never seen a dame so miserable in all my life." "Worried about you too." "Worried?" "Well, it's only natural with all the shooting and everything." "Yeah, but the shooting was gonna be strictly one-way." "Well, she wasn't to know." "MALTESE:" "Well, she should have known." "JOEY:" "Seems like one of the neatest jobs you pulled, huh, boss?" " Come off quicker than you thought?" " Not so neat." "O'Leary took a couple of days to die." "Hey, you got something in your eye?" "She's crying, Joey." "What's she crying for?" "I know what it is, boss." "She don't like violence no more." "She's took against it." "She read a book about some Roman emperor that bumped off senators then in the end got bumped off himself." "For a Roman emperor she can cry?" "Nor for him." "Not for anyone." " For you." " For me?" "Yeah, for you, you big idiot." "Who else?" "Hey, she talks like a wife already." "No, I'm not, but I wanna be." "And soon." "Let's go back to Miami, honey." "I hate it here." "I don't understand these people." "All they want is dough." "What do you say we go back to Miami and get married there?" "That's the way you want it?" "That's the way I want it." "You're sure?" "Sure I'm sure." "Come on, let's get out of here." " Hey, Joey." " Huh?" "You showed her all the sights, huh?" "Yeah, boss." "I did exactly what you told me to." "Okay, let's go." "Well I guess it's almost goodbye." "Friedlander." "Your pleasure, madam?" "I should like to express my gratitude for all that you've done for me during my fidanZato 's absence." "I consider myself deeply in your debt." "I'm most happy, indeed, to have been of some service." "That square looks kind of cute with this light, doesn't it?" "Hey, Joey." "She noticed something." "Sure, boss." "She's been noticing a lot of things lately." "She's changed." "Well, what do you know." "MAN:" "Hotel D'Annunzio?" "Put me through to Mrs. Millett, please." "Millett." "Mrs. Gerda Millett." "Tell her it's the man from the American Travel Agency." "Ten percent on the deal, that's agreed now?" "[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]" "Mrs. Millett?" "No, it's Miss Astor, Ms. Millett's confidential..." "Oh, just a minute." "I'll see." "Gerda." " Gerda." "WOMAN:" "Do be quiet, Hortense." "I'm on the other line." "Hello, Frank?" "Yes, I got the Swedes to agree to that percentage cut." "No, Frank, I'm not a genius." "I'm a practical woman who can put things to people in a practical way." "I'm leaving Italy tomorrow." "All right, good." "Goodbye." "You're so hungry, Duchess." " What did that man want?" " He says he's found you a Rolls-Royce." " How much is he asking?" " How much are you asking?" "Six thousand." "She'll take it for 5." "Five thousand?" "Dollars?" "It's a deal." "Thank you very much." "And thank Mrs. Millett." "I'll be around early in the morning with the chauffeur I found for her." "A qualified Rolls-Royce driver." "Highly qualified, yes." "Goodbye." "Mr. Manager, prendere il cane for a walkie?" "Certainly, madam." "I'll just have one dry martini, you can have tomato juice." "Thank you." "[GERDA SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "[WAITER SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]" "Now, I think this one was the first time that you ever stayed in a royal palace." " Pardon me, Mrs. Millett?" " Yes." "I'm the American assistant vice consul here." "My name is Ferguson." "My vice consul sent me here especially to see you." " Your vice consul?" " Yes." " Don't we have a consul in Trieste?" " Oh, yes, indeed, we have." "But your vice consul sent you along?" "Well, the consul is very busy right now with all these invasion rumors." "What invasion rumors?" "FERGUSON:" "Well, it's about that I wanted to see you, Mrs. Millett." "Your visit to the queen mother of Yugoslavia must be cancelled, I'm afraid." "Cancelled?" "Must be cancelled?" "What are you saying?" "Just that, I'm afraid." "And why, above all, why must it be cancelled by the American assistant vice consul at Trieste?" "Well, Mrs. Millett, it's this way..." "We live, I presume, in a free country." "Well, I'd hardly call Mussolini's Italy a free country, Mrs. Millett." "I was referring to the United States." "And I assumed that Roosevelt has not yet declared himself chief commissar." "Nor has he yet, I imagine, succeeded in plunging our country into this futile European war." "You see, we've been in touch with our embassy in Belgrade." "There's been a coup d'état." "A communist revolution?" "FERGUSON:" "No, they've made the 18-year-old Prince Peter king." "Peter." "Oh, that sweet boy." "So he's king now." "I think you met him once with me in Paris." " No, I don't think I did." " No, well, possibly not." "The threat of invasion is very real, Mrs. Millett, and I must..." "My dear young man, only the other day His Excellency, the German ambassador in Rome assured me that Herr Hitler had no more territorial claims in Europe." "But he's reported to be massing troops along the Yugoslav border." "GERDA:" "Be that as it may we are commanded to be at the royal palace in Belgrade at 4 p.m. Next Thursday." "And that is exactly where we are gonna be at that exact time." "Well, thank you very much, Mr..." "For bringing us the news." "Lunch, Hortense." "Please, stop her if you can." "Listen, even if the worst happens, we're neutrals." "So were Belgium, Holland, Denmark and Norway." "I don't think even the Nazis could stop Mrs. Millett." " Well, good luck." "GERDA:" "Hortense." "I'm coming." "Oh, it's so difficult." "Excuse me, I couldn't help overhearing your conversation just now." "I think Mrs. Millett should go to Yugoslavia." " Hortense." " Excuse me, I have to go." "I'm coming, Gerda." "I'm so sorry." "If you're scared, Hortense, there is no necessity whatsoever for you to come." "How can you say such a thing?" "When you remember my experience in Malaga in the Spanish Civil War." "I do remember your experience in Malaga." "For a very good reason:" "You won't ever let anyone forget it." " Now, what are we going to eat?" " That's not fair, Gerda." "I rarely mention it because it was so horrifying, horrifying." "Troops surrounding the hotel where we were marooned weren't just Germans, they were Moroccans." "We'll start with the melon, then gigot d'agneau boulangère." "Does that suit you, dear?" "They were Moroccans, with great, round faces and they stood there and grinned at women." "Did you get raped?" "No, I didn't." "They just looked at you and grinned." "But it was the suspense, Gerda." "You don't understand." "You don't understand one bit." "You just don't." "It isn't right." " Mrs. Millett?" " Yes?" "The Mrs. Gerda Millett?" "My name is Davich." " Would you mind if I sit down?" " You certainly may not." " I met this man just now in the lounge." " You met some Moroccan soldiers too." " It doesn't justify it." " Mrs. Millett, please forgive my rudeness." "But I've heard so much about you both in my country and abroad that I couldn't possibly let this opportunity slip by." "What is your country?" "Yugoslavia." "And you've heard about me in Yugoslavia?" "Is there anywhere in the world one has not heard of the fabulous Mrs. Millett?" "Besides, I have connections." "Just what does that mean?" "Well, can I trust you with a secret?" "There has been a coup d'état in my country." "Prince Peter is now king." "As it happens, I'm aware of that." "Oh, how stupid of me." "Moving as you do in high diplomatic circles, you should've heard of it." "As a matter of fact, we're on our way now to visit His Majesty." " No." " Yes." "But that's incredible good fortune." " Are you going by car?" " Yes, I am." "Well, then, you are in a position to render my country a great service." "Indeed?" "How?" "By taking me with you." "Taking...?" "Taking you with me?" "Now, Mrs. Millett, you're wonderfully discreet but you needn't go on pretending you don't know who I am." "Is he a prince?" "Please, not a word of this, but I needn't tell you, Mrs. Millett how important it is for me to be near my king at the earliest possible moment." "We have a great deal of luggage, you know." "Oh, but I'll not add to it." "I've only a knapsack." " A knapsack?" " Yes, I travel light." "Shakespeare, a Tolstoy and a toothbrush." "But there is an extra seat, you know and it will be easy to fit you in, unless..." " Hortense, dear." " Yes, Gerda?" "I don't see why I should drag you into danger." "Oh, I couldn't dream of letting you down, Gerda." "I mean, just supposing something happened to you." "Nothing's going to happen to me." "Don't be silly." "And besides, now I have Mr. Davich to protect me." "It's very beautiful." "Oh, it's more beautiful on the other side of the frontier." "I wish he'd drive faster." "You seem very restless." "I have my very good reasons." "And what are they?" "No, no." "No, don't tell me." "I won't be inquisitive." "But I have a shrewd suspicion." "Don't worry, Mr. Davich, we are on the same side of the fence." "I have donated a great deal of money to the League for Suppression of Communist Activities." "Oh, how very generous." "But then, of course, you have a great deal of money to donate." "No one has a great deal of money to donate." "One simply has a great deal of money." " Period." " Of course." "At least until such time as that terrible Mr. Roosevelt takes it away from me." "My late husband, Wilmer H. Millett III always said that he..." " Is your husband dead?" " Of course." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "What did he die of?" "Bourbon and tranquilizers." "The mixture isn't very healthy." " What was that?" " My passport." "Are you mad?" "Mr. Davich, I want to know why you threw your passport away." "Because I don't want it found on me." "Michele, pull off the road there." "Michele, get all Mrs. Millett's bags out of the back and put them in the car." " Come on." " What is this?" "What is going on?" "This is outrageous." "[DUCHESS BARKING]" " Keep your dog quiet." "GERDA:" "Mr. Davich." "One more yap out of that and I'll shoot it." "Mr. Davich, I think I'm entitled to an explanation." "Yes, Mrs. Millett, you are." "You give orders to my chauffeur, you rearrange my luggage and you threaten my dog with a loaded pistol." "Is that loaded?" "Yes, it is." "Is that meant to frighten me?" "Oh, no, Mrs. Millett." "I think that would be impossible." "I am sorry, but the Yugoslav frontier is quite near and your dog's yapping can be heard clearly by certain gentlemen who, if they recognize me, will probably shoot me." "What are you doing now?" "This is the only way I can cross the frontier into my country by traveling in the trunk of your car." "Why?" "Are you a criminal?" "No, merely a prescribed person." "[DUCHESS BARKING]" "What are you prescri...?" "Duchess, shut up." "I'll be happy to tell you after we've crossed the frontier." "How can I stop them from searching the trunk?" "By using all the magic of your charm." "Flattery will get you nowhere." " Not even past the Yugoslav frontier?" " Certainly not." "The likeliest outcome is that we'll both go to jail." "The fabulous Mrs. Millett in a Yugoslav jail?" "America will probably declare war." "What am I gonna tell them?" "Tell them who you are." "Drop a few names." "Drop a few names?" "Just what does that mean?" "Well, you know a lot of distinguished people." "Say that you're a personal friend of President Roosevelt." "Young man, do you realize just what you're asking?" "Regretfully, it's a matter of life and death." "Halt." "Passport." " Passport." " There." "Walkies, walkies." "Oh, what a charming view." "Passport, madam." "Pass..." "Michele?" "You are going by personal invitation of His Majesty, King Peter?" "Yes, our ambassador in Rome has charged me to convey President Roosevelt's congratulations to His Majesty." "President Roosevelt." "But that is a great and good man." "You must be proud, madam, to have such a president." "[DUCHESS BARKING]" "Stop it, Duchess." "Stop it at once." "Come here." "Come here." "Perhaps she has smelled her food and she wants her dinner." "You have the dog's dinner in the back?" "I have nothing at all, not even the dog's dinner." "I think, madam, that we must open the back." "That's impossible, I've lost the key." "Well, we'll force the lock." "If you dare to do that, my good man I shall report you, not only to your dear king but to my great and dear friend President Roosevelt." "Enough of this." "You've kept me waiting long enough." "Stop it, you bitch." "My passport, please." "[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "Thank you." "Loyal greetings to your great president." "MAN:" "And may God preserve him to run yet for a fourth term." "What a very encouraging thought." "Drive on." "Michele, open up." "The fumes." "He has suffocated." "The carbon monoxide has poisoned him." "I'll give him my artificial respiration." "You take his legs and I'll..." "Now then, there." " Are we in Yugoslavia?" " Yes, yes, now lie still and I'll..." "Oh, you're a wonderful woman." "Mr. Davich." "Come and look." "The fumes have made you delirious." "There were no fumes." "I was asleep, that's all." " But this is my country..." " Now, please, restrain yourself." "I'm sorry, but my country." "My country." "You said you were asleep." "Always in moments of danger when there's nothing I can do to make them less dangerous, I sleep." "What about my dangerous moments?" "I shall be grateful to you the rest of my life." "Will you tell me now why you were so sure I wouldn't give you away?" "Because I knew my Mrs. Gerda Millett." "She's a wonderful woman." "M..." "M..." "Michele." "Rearrange the luggage now." "Mr. Davich will continue the journey inside the car." "And now, Mr. Davich, maybe you will explain yourself." "You tricked me by pretending that it is important for you to be near the king." "But it is important for me to be near the king." "He is here in Yugoslavia." "And now, thanks to you, so am I." "Then why can you enter your country only by hiding in the trunk of my car?" "Because..." "To some of those in power, I'm politically undesirable." "Mm-hm." "Undesirable." "What you really mean is that you're a Red Revolutionary." "You want guillotinings and massacres and cut off the king's head." "That's why it's important for you to be near him." "I don't want to cut his head off or anyone else's head, for that matter." "The Germans are going to attack my country." "That's why I had to come back, to fight for her." " I don't believe a word of it." " But it's true." "I happen to love my country." "Yes, perhaps that is the description of me that would give you the most comfort, Mrs. Millett." "Someone who loves his country." "No description of you will give me any comfort whatsoever." "And I must warn you at the next town or village, I intend to ask you to vacate my car." "And take your knapsack with you." "Well, we are coming into Ljubljana." "If you could just drop me there." "Goodbye, Mrs. Millett." "I shall never forget our meeting." "I doubt if I shall either." "Believe me, I'm more grateful than words can express." "Wait a minute." "Is there a good hotel in this town?" "Well, none that you would call good." "But the Hotel Imperial, it's very upper middle-class." "That's not necessarily a protection against bedbugs." "Drive on." "Mrs. Millett, we've heard that you are staying in our hotel but we didn't expect the honor of seeing you down here." "Now, a nice table." " Oh, perhaps this one." " Yes." "It's not too near to the orchestra." "I'll just..." "To begin with, please, a very dry double martini." "Double martini." "[DUCHESS BARKING]" "Duchess?" "Duchess, be quiet." "I think a little consommé to start with." "[ENGINES WHIRRING]" "[EXPLOSION]" "[YELLS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "It's all right, Duchess." "I think I'll have a sole Meuna..." "[EXPLOSIONS IN DISTANCE]" "Now, what are you doing there?" "It's the Germans." "Oh, nonsense." " The German ambassador assured me..." " Madam, it's the invasion." "Quick, quick." "Everyone into shelter." "To the cellar, hurry up." "Oh, it's the invasion." "What about my martini?" "Don't I get any dinner?" "Come on, Duchess." "Oh, let's see." "Oh, some of that." "And that's for my darling." "Where?" "Where?" "Let's see." "[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "Michele." "Signora, we must go." "Oh, Madonna, Madonna." "Save me, the father, oh, and son." "[DUCHESS WHIMPERING]" "Oh, my darling." "There's nothing to be afraid of, only some nasty men throwing some nasty bombs." "There." "Mrs. Millett." "Oh, so it's you again." " What are you doing up here?" " We're having our dinner." "While the whole city's burning?" "Look." "No, I haven't finished yet." "Come and look." "They haven't even bothered to declare war." "Why isn't there any antiaircraft fire?" "Because there are no antiaircraft guns." "Because what you see out there is an undefended town." "Our army will be defeated in one week." "But some of us will go on fighting from the mountains." "That is why I'm going to requisition your car." "You're going to do what?" "Requisition your car." "And your driver too because, unhappily, I can't drive." "And what does "requisition" mean?" "Take." "Oh." "Young man, don't let this tragic affair affect your brain." "If you think you're gonna strand me in this ghastly hotel..." "Hors d'oeuvres are dreadful and my bedroom is an ice box." "You're making a big mistake." "You do not requisition my car." "Understood?" " I'm sorry, but I must join my group." " Well, take a taxi." " Taxi?" " Well, take a horse, then." "Or steal somebody else's car." "Let's talk about more important things." "Is there any Air Raid Precaution Organization out there?" "I should think none at all." "Oh, I think that is criminally careless of the authorities and I will tell King Peter so myself." "Back in Minnesota, they just wouldn't believe it." "People are lying injured out there and there is no one to help them?" "Well, I imagine the police are doing all they can." "Here." "There's bound to be a shortage of bandages." "There." "Michele." "Michele." "Well, he isn't here either." "I don't understand how he can run off without a word." "Well, I'll drive the car myself." "But can you drive?" "Everybody in America can drive a car." "There's nothing to it." "Now, give me the dog." "Here, open those doors, please." "There." "Oh, my darling, there." "Now, you're gonna be all right in there." "That's Mr. Davich's favorite place." "There." "[DUCHESS BARKING]" "Now..." "Oh, there's the key." "Now..." "There." "No, no, that isn't it." "Ah!" "[ENGINE HUMS]" "That's it." "Now." "Here we go." "[CRASHING]" "[DUCHESS BARKING]" "I just got my gears a little wrong." "There." "There." "See?" "That's it." "Mrs. Millett." "Here." "Tear these into strips." "Three inches wide." "Bandages, bandages." "There, huh?" "Oh, there." "Oh, that's a good boy." "Oh, what a brave boy." "Oh, you see, you're going to have a ride in this car." "In this beautiful car." "There." "In you go." "[DUCHESS BARKING]" "Yes, yes, Duchess." "So you're hungry." "Well, you'll have to wait like everybody else." "There." "Where do we go now?" " I think you've done quite enough." " No, I'm not a bit tired." "Where to?" "[ENGINES HUMMING]" "Tanks." "Coming from the direction of your hotel, I'm afraid." "But I think you'll be all right." "The Germans will probably return you all your things." "Do you believe that after what I've seen tonight I'll have any dealings with those bastards?" " Don't you have to go in the mountains?" " Yes, but I can..." " Get in, then." " Mrs. Millett, I must warn you." "If they ever caught you driving..." "Don't waste time chattering." "Get in, I said." "Get in." " It's going very well, don't you think?" " Hey, hey." "I am quite capable myself." "[WHISTLES]" "[ALL YELLING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "[DUCHESS BARKING]" "There, my darling." "Oh, what a nasty, bumpy ride, huh?" "[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "They seem to like you, Mr. Davich." "I told you, I have connections, Mrs. Millett." "Come and meet them." "Duchess?" "Duchess?" "There you are." "There." "DAVICH:" "This is Yanez, the headman of our village." " Mrs. Millett." " Most honored." "I would not have been here but for her." "Remarkable driving." "Dear lady, I have not got good English but we want to thank you for bringing us back our Zoram." "I had no choice." "Would you see that Duchess gets some food at once?" "She likes a little chopped meat and a few vegetables." "Yes, yes." "Most pretty little dog." "It's all right, she never bites." "Vera, Vera." "Do you think you could find me some more suitable clothes?" "Of course." "DAVICH:" "Thank you, Yanez." "I'm so sorry for this meal." "It's perfectly adequate." "Perfectly nourishing." "In fact, I've never enjoyed one more." "Can I drink that water?" "Why, certainly." "I've marked here the route that will take you back tomorrow to civilization." "Civilization?" "Where is that?" "Wherever, I suppose, there's an American consulate." "How many men are you concentrating here?" "We hope 200 in all, mostly from nearby villages." "And you have already 57 now." "How did you get that information?" "Well, I counted them." "How much transportation have you?" "We have carts and bicycles..." "Well, I mean motor transportation." "Have you gasoline?" "Yes, enough to take you back to the American consulate." " Well, then, with four on the roof..." " Mrs. Millett." "And, well, eight inside, and we can have two here." " Well, small ones, I suppose." " I cannot possibly allow you..." "And then with you and me in front, we can have some small ones too." "That would make 16 a trip." "[DUCHESS BARKING]" "Oh, Duchess, Duchess, my precious." "Has she been a good girl?" "Oh, yes, yes." "She only bites me once." "Oh, no, she never bites." "Oh, dear lady, I am sorry." "Your room is not yet empty." "I don't want anyone to move out for my sake." " I can sleep in the car." "YANEZ:" "Oh, no, please, no." "It'd be perfectly all right." "It is very hard sometimes to find words to say what is in one's heart." "Dear Mr. Davich, it's always impossible, and therefore far better never to try." "You have a very generous spirit and that is not the least I've found out about you during the last 24 hours." "No sentimental gush, please." "No sentimental gush." "Well, now I intend to go to sleep." "And then at dawn, we start out for those villages and collect all your men." "And you can start winning your war." "So until then, good night." "We were..." "We're behaving very foolishly, both of us." "Is that so wrong?" "Come on, there's plenty of room for everybody." "[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "[DUCHESS BARKING]" "Thank you." "Oh, Duchess." "Duchess." "You see?" "There." "I'm back." "How many trips have we made?" " Five or six?" " Six." "Just one more trip to go, but I'm afraid it'll be the longest one." "Keep her inside until we come back." "Take good care of her, huh?" "[BOTH SPEAK IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "We'd better start at once." "[BANGING]" "Oh, I've clean forgotten." "There." "[LAUGHING]" "[MAN SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "What does he want?" "He says to please slow down as they would rather like to live to fight the invaders." "This is the first bit of straight road that we've had all day." "[AIRPLANE ENGINES ROARING]" "Tell him that they are a bunch of..." "What's that?" "DAVICH:" "German fighter having a look." "He's turning to come back now." "Well, no question of going slow now." "I'd better turn off the road." "Are you all right?" "Yes, I'm perfectly all right." "I did get off the road, didn't I?" "[MEN LAUGHING]" "You'll be remembered in this place for a very long time." "I think they'd raise a statue to you if they could." "Not dressed like this, I hope." "Indeed, I hope, just like this." "I'm sorry you have decided that I must go." "I should have thought..." "Well, I would rather have hoped..." "No." "My car is still here." "Why can't I drive it for you?" "Because I'm in command here and I say so." "Yes, I get the point." "You don't need me anymore." "I need you." "If you think I don't and won't always, perhaps for the rest of my life you are very wrong, Mrs. Millett, you are very wrong indeed." "But you can't stay here any longer." "My country is at war." "Yours is not." "It will be." "It will be soon." "Can't I be useful to you until then?" "You can be useful to us in only one way now." "Go back to America." "Tell them what you've seen here." "Yes." "Yes, I will." "I'll go at once." "Goodbyes are very tiresome, and should never, never be prolonged." "They can also be heartbreaking things." "How you exaggerate so." "Hearts are never broken." "They just sometimes get a bit bruised, that's all." "They always, always mend." "Goodbye, my dear Mr. Davich." "Goodbye, my dear Mrs. Millett." "If after the war, you should need a car trunk to travel in I trust it will be mine." "[ENGINE STARTS]" "Ah, Mrs. Millett." "How nice to have you safely back." "Thank you." "Take Duchess, please." " Have this car sent back to America." " Certainly." " Gerda." " Hortense." "Oh, Gerda, I'm so glad to see you." "The consul told me you were on your way, but I never expected..." "You look perfectly all right." "Of course I look perfectly all right." "I am perfectly all right." "We heard such terrible things about how you got stranded up in some terrible village in the mountains." "That was not a terrible village." "Very picturesque." "I might quite well go back there for a visit after the war." "Well, I worried so about you because of my time in the Spanish Civil War..." "Yes, I know, with all those Moroccan soldiers." "Well, you needn't have worried about me at all." "Nothing happened whatsoever." "Nothing at all?" "Nothing at all."