"[uplifting music]" "♪" "[rock music]" "♪" "♪" "[crowd screaming]" "[Vice Principal Kogiso] Hey, get back, you get back!" "[indistinct cheering]" "♪" " Over here, Chuck, over here!" " Okay!" "♪" "[Chuck] Thank you, guys, thank you!" " Get out of the way!" " Chuck, over here!" "[Chuck] Thank you so much, man, thank you, keep the pen." "[shouting] [fan] He signed my tie!" " Can I have a selfie, please?" " Okay." "♪" "Being the most popular guy in school has its advantages." "Everyone's waiting to meet your every need." " The jocks." " Let's go, get money." "[Chuck] The popular girls." "♪" "The stoners." "♪" "The power lesbians, and of course, the personal entourage." "As Thomas Jefferson said," ""No one man should have all this power."" "Maybe that was Kanye West, but there's only one woman who could be the Angelina to my Brad." "Melissa Mercer." "[crowd chanting "Chuck"]" "Gotta say, pretty sweet to be me." "[Evelyn] Chuck, Chuck, Chuck." "Chuck, are you listening?" "Hey, honey, what was I just saying to you?" "Chuck, honey, I don't talk for my health." "I was saying that maybe... hey, when maybe" "Casey and I get back from the firm dinner, he can help you with that, um, skit you were talking about." "[Casey] Yeah, buddy, I got this great joke." "It's about a nun, a nurse, and three slices of bologna." " Kills every time!" " God help me." "You two really are in the same demographic, aren't you?" "You know, by tomorrow you two will be the next Tina Fey and Amy Poehler." "Oh, I love it, listen, you guys could make the skit about..." "[Chuck] Okay, Mom, it's called a screenplay." "I'm writing a screenplay now, but besides, I work alone." "[Evelyn] Chuck, you know, honey, I think Casey was really looking forward to doing something that you like." "[Casey] Yeah, I am, you know, I was thinking we'd get some s'mores." "We could make it a cheat day, huh?" "Wow, wow." "That would be really fun, but, uh," "I just don't think it'd be very productive." "You know, I'm trying to make a statement about high school, so I don't really think you'd get what I'm trying to do artistically." "[Casey] Oh, okay, I mean, well, I don't know." "It could be cool to have the perspective of a parent." " What are you talking about?" " Figure, figure." " A parent figure." " A parent figure." " Coach Harris." " Buddy, come on, we've talked about this, you only have to call me that at school." "I mean, gym class especially, but you know, outside of school it's as casual as casual can be." "Well, Casey." "Yes, Chuck?" "You're not my dad." "[door opening and closing]" "[Evelyn] Okay, don't worry." " That went well." " He'll, he'll, he'll come around." "He always does." "[Casey] I'll make you come around." " Hm, you will, huh?" " You always do." "[mellow music]" "♪ [male #1] Did you hear Mary slept with her sister's boyfriend?" " Yeah, that was sick." " Isn't that..." "Only Richie Covington and Bruce Wayne can have two sisters back to back." "I never thought I'd like to see Mary Mercer's sex tape." " Well, she's like..." " You slut." " What a loser." " If I were Melissa... [female #1] I mean, like why would he even get with her?" " I don't know." " It makes no sense." " What a slut." " Richie could do so much better." "[female #1] She's not even pretty, like, I don't get it." "[female #2] How could she even do that?" "[moaning]" "So awkward." "[girls laughing]" " Hey, Mary, do me next!" " There she is!" "[female #1] See ya, slut!" " Ryan sent that to everyone." " Chuck." " Hey, Jonas." " What's up, man?" "[Chuck] I want the earth to swallow me now, and consume me within its bowels." "Coach Harris spent the night again?" "Yeah, he's moving in or something." " He's not that bad." " Hey, Playas!" "The playa-Playas from the Himalayas, right?" " Sup?" " Hey, guys." "Guys, what is everyone laughing about on their phone?" "Do you honestly think they let us know?" "Maybe it's 'cause they're gonna legalize weed, and then we'll be able to smoke it at school." " My dad said that would happen." " Jesus, Franklin." "If it's not sex, it's pot, I mean, come on." "How does one guy think of two things so frequently" " when he's tried neither?" " Dude, look at Jasper Stonewall." "Exhibit Z." "He, he can't even open his eyes, but he smokes, and he gets all the ladies, my gangsters." "Wow, that is, that is a smart theory." "You should publish that." "[Chuck] Hey, guys, clearly something's going on." "We're the only ones who don't know." "Franklin, give me your phone, mine's dead." "[Franklin] My dad took it away because I was playing Mahjong online again." "[Jonas] Why does it even matter that we know?" " Everybody loves a good scandal." " Yeah." "[Jonas] You didn't when everyone was talking about" " Coach Harris and your mom." " Wow, okay, that's not funny." "[Franklin] Oh, snap, you just gave him the one-two punch." "[Jonas] I wasn't trying to be funny." "[Jessica] Damn, Mary Mercer and Richie Covington?" " Jessica." " Miss Rappaport." "[Miss Rappaport] What, what do I have to do to convince you to audition for the Scottish play?" "Look, Janice, I'll make you a deal." "I'm not auditioning, per se." "Catch my drift?" "So, Lady Macbeth." "Better find me a good leading man, Janice." "[indistinct conversations] [cackling]" "[Ryan] Richie, hey, Richie." " So, how was it?" " How was what?" "[Barry] What, last night?" "[Richie] Uh, I drank way too much, and then I went over to Melissa's to try and smooth things over after the fight we had yesterday." " Mhm?" " That's it." "[Ryan] What do you mean that's it, after the video you sent me?" "[Richie] What video?" "[Barry] Wait, wait, wait, did you black out?" "[Ryan] That makes this so much better." "[Barry] Do you not remember calling me at four in the morning?" "[Ryan] Do you not remember sending me this video, Mr. Boogie Nights?" "[Barry] Oh, that's an on point reference." "[moaning]" " I sent you that?" " Yeah." "[Barry] With the caption "hfhjufud."" "[Ryan] I gotta say, the costar was the big surprise." "Who would've thought Mary would wear such a slutty pink bra?" "Oh no, don't delete it, how will I ever see it again?" "[Richie] You didn't send that to anybody else, right?" "[Ryan] One or two hundred people probably saw it." "[banging]" "[Vice Principal Kogiso] Do we have a problem, Mr. Covington, or did the locker hit you first?" "[Barry] All good, Vice Principal Kogiso." " Dude." " Hat!" "[Richie] Melissa, Melissa, wait!" "[Alicia] Don't, leave her." "[Ryan] And this week on a very special episode" " of How I Met Your Sister!" " Thanks, Ryan!" "Barry, man, I expected more outta you!" "[Ryan] What?" "[bell ringing]" " What, you too?" " Yup." "In the dust, you're gonna leave me in the dust." "Barry!" "[Melissa] Gotta say, when your boyfriend cheats on you with your younger sister and sends out a video for everyone to see really puts it out there." "And I mean, just because you hurt your knee and lose a basketball scholarship does not give you the right to go out there and have a free pass, get drunk, and make mistakes left, right, and center." "[Alicia] So what can I do?" "Do you want me to go slash his tires?" " I'm not above that." " No, Alicia, no, it's okay." "Thanks for, like, going out there, and calling me, and making sure that I didn't see the video." "[Alicia] Hey, come here." "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." "Oh, um..." "Okay." "I can explain." "Melissa." "[Mr. Busby] Okay, so, who would like to read this next section for us?" "Anyone?" "Any takers?" "[Jasper] Could I leave?" "Mr. Stonewall, if you leave you'll miss the next chapter, and it's a good one." "Hey, uh, Mary." "Haven't heard from you in ever." "Will you read?" "[chuckling] [upbeat music]" "♪" "I can't believe that Melissa and Mary are sisters." "I keep telling Melissa that Mary's just in need of, like, like a, like a really empowering makeover, you know?" "Mary's a freak that makes the rest of us nerds look like we emerged from a WB show circa 1999." "I find her aura to be stifled, you know?" "♪" "Like a tortured cat." "Students like Miss Mercer who are loners and outsiders often go on to become incredibly well-adjusted people." "Sometimes they don't." "I heard that Mrs. Mercer drank a lot when she was pregnant with Mary, so I guess it makes it sense." "You know, science." "Mary?" "Mary who?" "[Mr. Busby] Mary, um, speak up now." "[Jasper] I'm sorry, dude, I'm outta here." "[Mr. Busby] Mr.... wait, okay." "[Jessica] Mr. Busby, class is almost over and you said" "I could make my announcements before we leave." " Yes, Jessica, but I..." " Great, excuse me, Ted," " this is important." " All right, go ahead." "[Jessica] Fellow seniors, it is Spirit Month, woo!" "And I noticed that some of you did not feel like participating in Pajama Day yesterday." "Yeah, okay, now some of you have reached the regrettable mistaken conclusion that this is a democracy." "As Senior Class Community Captain, I would like to let you all know if you do not attend our upcoming senior events," "I will hunt you down." "[sinister music] [screaming]" "♪" "So, with that said, we still have Senior Ditch Day, the Lock-In, and we're gonna be wrapping it all up with the Viral Video Challenge." "And Mary has already submitted her video." " Slut." " Jessica, that's really mean." "[Jessica] Zip it, because the winner gets a free limo service to Homecoming." "I know, you can thank me." " Class dismissed." " Class is not dismissed." "Jessica, Jessica..." "No, everyone, please." "Stay, stay in your assigned seats." "Stay, stay please." " Thanks." " Peace!" "Okay, uh, free period until the bell rings." "[bell ringing] [mellow music]" "[Franklin] So, Chubby Chuckers, how's your, uh, viral video?" "[Chuck] It's good." "Just finished the scene where Ned gets decapitated, and I mean, I think I'm probably gonna win." "And when I do, taking Melissa as my date to Homecoming in the limo." "[Ned] Not to, like, rain on your parade or anything..." "I mean, Melissa's hot, and you look like the scarecrow from Oz, but like instead of missing a brain, you're missing sex appeal, so I mean, what's your game plan?" "Yeah, that's really funny, Ned, except I don't need a plan, 'cause I have history on my side, I mean, dude, when we were six, who were our best friends?" " Mary and Melissa." " Mary and Melissa Mercer!" " When we were six." " I mean, yeah, okay," "Melissa turned into a goddess, and Mary turned into..." "Uhhh." "Something else, but, yeah, we still have that foundation, that bedrock." "Chuck, when was the last time you spoke to Melissa?" "[Chuck] I don't know, I wouldn't know a specific date off the top..." " When was it?" " May 14th, 2007." " Oh my God." " Around 5:45 p.m." "[Jonas] So how are you gonna get close enough to talk to her, let alone know what to say when you're this close to her?" "[Ned] Wait, wait, wait." "You know who you should talk to?" "Mary, look, seriously, I know she's got like the whole Wednesday Addams thing going on, but like," "I don't know, maybe she could give you the scoop on Melissa." "The scoop, what are you, a 1920s newspaper man?" " Extra, extra!" " You got moxie, kid." "You're gonna go far in this town." "This is how I hold my newspaper." "[Chuck] That's actually brilliant though, Ned." " Yeah, I know." " I mean, after completely ruining Melissa's life today," "Mary's gonna have to make it up to her somehow." "So she could reunite her with her childhood best friend who is now a pretty handsome and dashing young man." "I thought we were gonna go stag." "[Franklin] Yeah, everybody knows bro-chachos before lady nachos." "We hang out every day." "I think we can handle one night apart." "Sorry I'm late." "Apparently when a student fails AP English it's somehow my fault, my apologies." "All right, notes from yesterday's debate practice." "Chuck, great concluding arguments." "You are sharp, you cut like a knife." " I affirm the resolution." " Jonas." "O, Captain, my Captain." "I love the passion, judges will love it too." "Ned, my boy." "Try not to call the opponent "idiot."" " Wouldn't dream of it." " Good man." "Also, I am digging the toboggan though." " Thanks." " Mhm." "And Franklin..." "Okay, well..." "Just keep speaking to the angel, champ." "Is there a certain one I should be speaking..." "[Coach Russo] No, all right, I want you testosterone factories to take the next 15 minutes of lunch to redraft yesterday's arguments." "I want you to slaughter them, like blood-thirsty wolves chasing anorexic caribou on the ANWR tundra right after a new pipeline has just depleted the food supply." " Okay." " You feel me?" "[together] Yeah!" " Bring it in!" " Let's do it!" "[Franklin] Whatever that means!" "Oh, it's hands." " What do we live for?" " Debate!" " What are we doing tomorrow?" " Debate!" "[Coach Russo] What do you put at the end of a fishing line?" "[together] Debate!" "[cheering]" "[dramatic music]" "♪" "[Joni Fatora] ♪ The seasons used to crawl like tired children ♪" " Hey, Chuck." " Oh, hey." " Have a good day, man." " Yeah, you too." "♪" "[Joni Fatora] ♪ Can I stay just a little bit longer?" "♪" "♪ So much more of the kingdom to conquer ♪" "♪ Swear I'll make this day one for the books ♪" "[Chuck] All right, should we keep waiting for Ned?" " No." " He just texted." "Apparently he has to redo his calc assignment." "What, what's going on, he's been really flaky lately." "[Franklin] Maybe he's in a secret sex cult." "Yes, a secret sex cult, that's definitely what it is, Franklin." "[Franklin] So, Mr. Chuck-a-doodle-doo." "Thank you... when are you gonna make your big move, bro-diddley?" " What do you mean?" " Melissa." "She's not gonna be single forever." "You should do it, you should do it tonight." "Yeah, I'll do it soon." "[Franklin] Well, let me know when you go over there, and I'll come with you, and I'll pay my respects to the other Mercer sister, if you know what I mean." " No." " I mean sex." " You're a virgin, Franklin." " I know you are, but what am I?" " You're a virgin." " You're a virgin." "[Franklin] Yeah, it didn't work." "You know who I bet aren't virgins?" "Melissa and Alicia." "[electric guitar music] [laughing]" "♪" "♪" "[Melissa] Hi, Chuck." "[Franklin] I've had that dream too!" "And at the end, Alicia was like," ""Let me show you my pet unicorn."" "[Evelyn] Chuck, you in the living room?" "[Chuck] Yeah." " Hello, Evelyn!" " Hi, guys." "You know I can hear every word." "Casey and I will be back around 11, and, hey, you know, he's really excited to work on that screenplay after." "Hey, point taken, good chat." "Okay, so, honey, do I look okay?" " You look fine." " Oh, stop, please." " I'll drown in self confidence." " You look really great, Evelyn." "[Franklin] Yeah, score one for Coach Harris." "[Evelyn] Oh, thanks, guys, you should take a look at my unicorn." "[Chuck] You've gotta be kidding, you've gotta be kidding!" "What is wrong with you, have some self respect!" " Oh, Chuck, it was a joke!" " Yeah, okay." "[Evelyn] Charles MacDonald, are you really gonna act like this" " with your friends in the room?" " I don't think I'm gonna have any friends when everyone finds out you're just doing one of my teachers all over town." " Everyone already knows." " Chuck, I'm seeing someone, not hooking out of a van down by the river!" "[Chuck] Do you ever think about anybody but yourself?" "Okay, I'm gonna resist the urge to make a pot-kettle remark, but I will say I think that's a little melodramatic." "[Chuck] Maybe that's why Dad left us!" "[door slamming] [melancholy music]" "[Evelyn] Goodnight, boys." "[Jonas] Night." "♪" "[Melissa] Alicia, do your parents care that you're throwing a party tomorrow?" "[Alicia] No, they really don't." "♪" "[Melissa] Hey, if Mom and Dad ask where I am tonight, just tell them I'm at Alicia's." "♪" "[Alicia] Is she okay?" "♪" "[Melissa] Yeah, she's fine." "Come on." "♪" "[Franklin] I think Chuck really has a chance with Melissa." " I mean, why not?" " So I think you guys are right." "I think tonight's the night." "Get Mary to help me with Melissa." "Yeah, go get her, buddy!" "All right, I'm just gonna put on some cologne first." "♪" "♪" "[Chuck] Lucky to have you, she, she would be lucky to have you." "All right." "[panting]" "Okay, okay." "[knocking]" "Hello?" "[frantic music]" " Holy..." " Oh God, oh... , ..., uh, Mary, Mary!" "Ah, hey, Mary!" "Uh, um, Mary!" "Mary!" "♪" "♪" "[coughing] ..." "I think we should call your parents or, or someone." "[Mary] Can you please just go?" "[Chuck] Okay, fine, if you want me gone just tell me who to call." "Okay, uh, okay." "I won't, I just..." "What do you want me to do?" "I can't just leave you alone here." "Yeah, well, regardless, I'm taking this with me." "Why do you even care?" "Oh, okay, uh, okay." "Mary, Mary, life is worth living, 'cause life is a collection of experiences." "Many good, some bad, and, uh, when combined, these experiences form a person." "Unique, and infinite, and irreplaceable." "And when we take our own lives we don't just deprive ourselves of these experiences, we deprive countless others" " of future experiences..." " Okay, okay, enough, stop, stop!" "What the hell was that?" "I'm on the debate team." "We have a debate team?" "[Chuck] Well, the point is that I know that people were destroying you at school today, but you can't let people get to you like this." "I mean, lots of people say mean things about me." "I like to think that people just need to get to know me." "You gotta let 'em get to know you too." "And how am I supposed to do that?" "I'm involved now." "You want someone to help you?" "Here I am." "Just like the old days." "So will you let me do that for you?" "Mary, questions, comments?" "General points of inquiry?" " You can't tell anyone." " What?" "That's the deal, you can't tell anyone about all this, what I did, not anyone." "Not Melissa, not my parents, no one." "You wanna help me?" "Total silence, those are the terms." "[Chuck] Only if you hang out with me at school, and you gotta eat lunch with me, and you gotta meet some new people, and I promise you're gonna feel better." "And you promise you won't tell anyone?" "I cross my heart and hope... [sighing]" "[muffled voices]" "Oh God." "You did look handsome, your tie's a little..." "It's a clip-on." "Oh, honey!" "You didn't say you were having company over." " Hi, Chuck!" " Chuck, big guy!" "[Chuck] Mrs. Mercer, Mr. Mercer, how you guys doing?" " I hope it's okay I stopped by." " Of course." "You know I was just thinking the other day how much" "I missed seeing you and Jonas around the house." " Yeah." " Well good evening, young lady." "[Melissa] Good evening, why are you guys..." "[Chuck] Oh, you're back, you made it back!" " I just got back." " Where are you coming from?" " I went to the library." " At 11 o'clock?" " Yup." " Yeah, you were..." "She was returning a book for me, because of late fees, and I can't drive, so how would I do that?" " Yeah, I returned a book, uh..." " I'm glad you recommended the..." " Yeah, it's good." " That was so good." "[Mrs. Mercer] Is this the kind of makeup you wear to the library?" "[Melissa] Mom, can we not tonight?" "Thanks for trying, Chuck." "[melancholy music]" "♪" "Mom, I had a really bad day!" "[indistinct shouting]" "♪" "[muffled voices] [knocking]" "[Casey] Hey, Chuck, hey, buddy." "[calm music]" "♪ [car engine starting]" "♪" "♪" " Hey, Melissa." " Chuck, hi!" " Hi." " Where did you come from?" " I was just in the ditch." " Right." "[laughing]" "Chuck, I wanted to thank you so much for everything last night." "It was very admirable of you." "[Chuck] Yeah, well, you know, any time." "[Melissa] So why were you at my house?" "[Chuck] Oh, I was just hanging out with Mary." "[Melissa] Oh, okay." "Well, don't be a stranger with me, Chuck." "[Chuck] Of course I won't." "[laughing] [kissing]" "You're the best." "You are." " You look good today." " I... yeah?" " Yeah, blue is your color." " Every color's your color." " Oh, Chuck." " Really." " I'll see you later, bye." " All right." "How come you didn't ride with Melissa?" "Didn't feel like it." " Where are you going?" " Class." "[Chuck] All right, are you feeling okay today?" "[Mary] Yeah, great." "[Chuck] Hey, hey, hey!" "We have a deal, lunch today, you are at my table." "[Mary] Dude, you can really let it go, okay?" "[Chuck] Come on, hey!" "[Mary] Okay, okay, fine, I'll, I'll have lunch with you." "[Richie] Hey, Chuck." "Hey, bud." " Hey, bud." " How are they doing?" " Who?" " Melissa and Mary, how are they?" "[Chuck] Why do you wanna know?" "[Richie] No real reason, just, uh, if something comes up with them, would you mind telling me?" "It'd mean a lot, man." "It's just, I don't..." "I don't really have anyone to talk to." "Like anyone." "I guess I just need a friend right now who isn't..." "Yeah, I, I, just don't know." "[Richie] Listen, Chuck, I'm not a bad guy." "I just, I..." "You know what, never mind." "I'm sorry, man, don't even worry about it." "Oh, okay, I..." "If something comes up, fine." "[Richie] Thanks, man, I appreciate it." "[Casey] Full jumping jacks, ladies and gentlemen." "Especially the gents." "[Franklin] So, I heard you made out with Melissa in front of everybody." "[Chuck] Yeah, pretty much, I don't know if actually we made out," " but she definitely kissed me." " Oh yeah, dude," "I can definitely feel the connection." "[Chuck] Oh hey, you're just jealous, because no one's loved you ever." " How's that matter?" " Chuck, you know the rules." "No talking during warm-ups, take a lap." "[Chuck] Everyone was talking, why are you singling me out?" "[Casey] Chuck, I asked you to take a lap." " Take a lap, please." " No, 'cause that's not fair." " Chuck, take a lap now." " Just because you're sleeping with my mom, that doesn't mean you're my dad." "[exclaiming]" "[Barry] Oh snap." "[snickering]" "[Casey] No, but I sure as hell am your gym teacher so, so gimme ten laps." "Twenty laps or I send you to Vice Principal Kogiso." "Chuck, now!" "Anyone else lookin' to run?" " Melissa, what're you doing?" " Hey, running buddy." "[laughing]" "Come on, Chuck, you gotta keep up." "I can't be that much faster than you, come on." "[Chuck] Okay." "Oh man." "Are you gonna eat your chips?" "[Mary] Hey, sorry, it took me a second to find you guys out here in no man's land." "Yeah, I invited Mary to have lunch with us." "[Ned] You did, huh?" "[Mary] Yeah, is that a problem?" "[Ned] No, no, not a problem at all." "[Franklin] Pop a squat." "[Barry] Someone's out of her natural habitat." "[Ryan] Damn, dude." "He's pulling the Richie Covington shuffle, man." "Melissa for breakfast, Mary for lunch." "Dude, I heard Melissa practically blew him" " on the front steps." " Man, would you shut up?" "That never happened, I was in the parking lot and I saw the whole thing, she kissed him on the cheek like you would an aunt, so why don't you just leave 'em both alone, this is why people don't like you." "[Chuck] So anyway, I was thinking maybe, maybe you could come to debate with us after school?" "[Mary] You know, I still can't believe we have a debate team." "Is it, is it like just the four of you or..." "[Jonas] Yeah, it's pretty much all you need for a debate." "But we could always use more, you know?" " Yeah, the more the merrier." " Okay, uh, yeah." "No, no, no, I could come today, sure." "[Ryan] Well, dude, all I'm saying is I'd be a little scared of McLovin over there." "[Richie] Chuck, he's her neighbor." "They went to elementary school together." "Well, they can't be too good of friends if he's sitting with Mary." " Weren't vendettas sworn?" " See?" " He's pulling a Richie." " Uh-huh." " Ryan, shut up!" " Cool." "[Mary] I, uh, gotta do some homework before class." "I'm really sorry to run, but, uh," " it was nice seeing you guys." " I'll walk out with you." " See you guys later." " Later, Chuck." "[Franklin] Later, gator." "Dude, what was up with that?" "[Ned] Chuck's just taking my advice." "Mary's the secret weapon." "[Jonas] Yeah, Franklin, Chuck has the master plan." " I know it's wrong." " I don't think it's right..." "[Jonas] I don't think it's right that he's using Mary." "[Ned] Okay, everybody's using everybody." "[Jonas] Alicia Daniels just looked at me." " No, she didn't." " Or maybe she looked at you." "[Ned] She definitely didn't look at either of us, okay?" "[Jonas] I don't know, Ned, something weird seems to be going on." "[Ned] This way, come on." "You think that it's possible that the Mercer sisters are like trying to use Chuck against each other?" "Yeah." "Ned?" "[serene music]" "Ned, Ned!" "[Jessica] In thine ear and chastise with the valor..." "[Jonas whispering] Ned, are you in here?" "Ned?" "[Jessica] Which fate and metaphysical aid doth deem to have been crowned with all." "[Janice] Jessica..." "I continue to be in awe." "Who wouldn't be?" "I'll see you at tech, Janice." "[Janice] Well, well, well." " Hi, Miss Rappaport." " This is fantastic!" "Brave soul has entered." "Oh, no, I'm actually not here to..." "[Janice] Have you had a chance to review the material?" "No, no." "No problem, little bit of iambic pentameter, you'll pick it right up." "[Jonas] Thanks." "Oh, Jonas, Jonas." "[Janice] Jonas." "[Jonas] Yeah." "Now are you aware of how often in life one is presented with an opportunity?" "Rarely." "I'm gonna tell you a little something about myself." "I had an opportunity to play the lovechild of Marlon Brando and Demi Moore, the great Demi Moore." "Wow." "[Janice] In a very gritty independent feature film, but instead I was a camp counselor in a Wisconsin drama camp, and I thought, "I'll have so many other chances."" "No, no chances." "There are really never any other chances." "So, please, I would like to welcome you, sir, to the stage." "Look at you, huh?" "Take center stage, sir." "Uh-huh, uh-huh, shake it a little, shake it a little." "Shake it all out." "Shimmy those shoulders just a little, just shimmy, shimmy..." "I don't really..." "[Janice] Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy." "There you go, there you go." "What is that sound?" "What is that sound?" "What is it, Jonas?" "[Jonas] I think it's a fan." "I think it's a little something that I call opportunity." "Opportunity!" "Say it with me, honey." "Say it with me." "[both] Opportunity!" "[Janice] Lift your arms." "[both] Opportunity!" "Yup." "[Janice] Let's read, let's read." "Agh, ...!" "[groaning]" "Chuck!" "How's it going, man?" "Fine, you?" "[Richie] All right, I saw you eating lunch with Mary." "How's she doing?" "Uh, actually, she's coming to debate with me, which is where I'm heading right now, so." "We have a debate team?" "Yeah, that seems to be the consensus." "Well, it's not my business anyway." "Have you talked to Melissa?" "[energetic rock music]" "♪ [cheering]" "I really don't have that many..." "Richie, I mean, I'm not your errand boy." "I'm not your way back into Melissa's pants or Mary's." "You got it wrong, Chuck." "Bye!" "I affirm the resolution that federal government should legalize gay marriage nationwide." "Gay marriage is one of the most hotly debated issues of our time, the rights of men and women are being restricted, as they aren't allowed to marry." "Ireland has recently legalized gay marriage nationwide, setting a precedent for the rest of the world." "Ireland has a large Catholic population, so, while many cite gay marriage as a religious issue, I see it more as a moral issue." "The 14th Amendment states, "No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States."" "There can be no such thing as a second-class citizen if we ever hope to make progress as a nation." "[debate judge] And the winner is Thomas Thornton High School, bravo!" "[Coach Russo] Yeah, woo, woo!" "[cheering] [pleasant music]" "That is my boy, that's right!" "I know where you live, Clarence." "Your ponies are afraid of our hawks!" "What?" "!" "I love you boys!" "That was awesome!" "[female singer] ♪ Of course she makes you hesitate ♪" "♪ You hesitate, you're lost" "♪ So, take your opportunities" "♪ And never count the cost" "♪ Roller coaster, carousel ♪" "[Evelyn] Try it, you'll like it." "[Casey] Really?" "[laughs]" "Yeah, you better hold onto it." "God, Casey, you goofball!" "[female singer] ♪ You can ring the bell" "[Evelyn] Guys, my men of academia, how was school today?" "[Casey] Um, I don't know, it was pretty uneventful, right, Chuck?" "You tell me, Casey." "Um, okay, Chuck, do you want to tell your mother what happened today in gym class or should I?" "[Chuck] You know what, screw you, Coach." "[Evelyn] Young man, apologize now." "Are we really gonna argue at the staircase again, huh?" "Do you want me to yell at you like I yell at the people at work?" "Because I can!" "Do you know what the paralegals call me at the firm?" "The Empress of Bitch Mountain!" "Do you want to take a train ride to Bitch Mountain, young man?" "Because it's a one-way ticket, Chuck!" "Evelyn, it's okay." "What?" "It's fine." "No, it's not." "[melancholy music]" "♪ [phone vibrates]" "Hello?" "[Franklin] Look out your window!" "We're going to a house party, dude, come on!" "I can't, I just royally pissed off my mom." "I can't just go walking out the front door!" "[Franklin] Melissa's gonna be at that party." "Okay, one second." "[Franklin] Okay, he's coming." "Of Western Civilization would look like." "[Chuck] How exactly did we get invited to Alicia's party?" "[Franklin] Ned said he would get us in." "[Ned] Hey, guys!" "[Jonas] All right, let's go." "[Alicia laughs]" "I wanna party with you!" "Hey, guys!" "[Jonas] Hello." "I'm so glad that you're here and we can, like, talk, and, like, hang out together, you know?" "[Ned] You know what, you can go ahead." "Guys, get in there, I'll deal with this." "[Franklin] High-five." "[Alicia] Go have fun, yes!" "Bye, have fun!" "They're nice people." "Hey!" "[Ned] Not in front of... okay, come on." "Here, I got you." "[Alicia] Wow, you're so strong." "So, can I, like, finally hang out with your friends tonight?" "We'll stop all this secret girlfriend stuff?" "[Ned] We will definitely talk about it, yeah." "[Alicia] Why do you take so long?" "[Ned] I'm sorry." "[Alicia] It was a really long time!" "[Franklin] I'm gonna get a drink." "Go get that." "[Jonas] All right." "[Chuck] Has he ever drank before?" "[Jonas] Have any of us?" "[Chuck] All right, I'll be right back." "[rock music]" "♪" "Hey, Melissa." "[Melissa] Hi, stranger." "[Chuck] How's it going?" " Good." " What are you drinking?" "[Melissa] Beer." "How did you get in here?" "Who did you come with?" "[Franklin] Where is the booze?" "I don't know, Franklin, why are you asking me?" "[Jasper] Hey, brother, 'sup?" "Do you want a hit?" "[Franklin] What?" "A hit of the glorific herb." "[Franklin] Uh, I mean... yeah?" "[Jasper] Yeah!" "Come on." "[cheering] [laughter]" "[Melissa] And she walks away a winner." "[Chuck] That was impressive." "[Melissa] Oh, well, you know me," "I'm an overachiever." "[Chuck] Yes, you're top of the class in AP Shots." "So, before we begin, is there, like, anything that you wanna share with us?" "I... am Franklin." "I'm Siobhan." "Wicked-cool Mohawk." "Thanks, I, uh, I actually shaved it when my parakeet's cage broke, hit me in the head, and I needed stitches." "Yeah, man, pets can definitely break things." "When I was seven, I broke my hymen riding a St. Bernard." "I love honesty." "[Melissa] You know, Chuck, I gotta say..." "I didn't realize it, but I've missed you." "[Chuck] I missed you, too... a lot." "[Melissa] Isn't it funny how you can just lose people?" "I mean, even if you don't do anything wrong somehow, you just drift." "[Chuck] And then, you come back together." "So, tell me, who do I need to be your wing woman for?" "'Cause I definitely owe you after the other night." "[Chuck] Well, I don't..." "I guess I was thinking..." "[Melissa] Chuck, I was afraid you were gonna say that." "[Chuck] Afraid I was gonna say what?" "You and Mary, you're not dating, are you?" "Because, Chuck..." "[Chuck] Oh, no, we are not dating." "We're just friends." "[Richie] Chuck!" "[Melissa] This should so not be my job anymore." "Can you watch him for me?" "[Chuck] Yeah, yeah, I got it." "[Melissa] Thank you so much." "[Richie] Chuck, I'm so glad you're here, man." "[Chuck] Whoa, whoa, whoa, careful." "[Richie] I've been wanting to talk to you." "I got something important to tell you." "[Chuck] Okay, step away from the pool." "[Richie] Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right." "[casual reggae music]" "♪" "Oh, my God." "You guys." "Do you realize that, like, somewhere in the world right now there's, like, there's this kid that can play the piano, like, really well." "[Franklin] That person might even be in this room." "[Jasper] Dude... oh, my God." "You are so right." "I'm right?" "That's the first time anyone's ever told me that!" "Oh, sorry, I just..." "Dude, you're a nice guy, that's not what I was asking." "[Chuck] You don't have to apologize." "But... but I have to, man, because that's not who I am." "I'm a protector, man, that's all I ever wanted my whole life, I wanna protect people, you know?" "And with everything going on with Melissa, I just feel like a goddamn loser, you know?" "I get that." "[Richie] Yeah, well, no, man, you're not a loser, you've got a girl now!" "I saw you and Mary eating lunch together." "You're dating, right?" "No!" "Why does everybody keep asking me that?" "[Richie] I don't know, I'm sorry, man, I just assumed." "You guys look... you guys make a good couple, I don't know." "But, when... when you see her..." "So, if you see her, can you do me a favor and just tell her that I'm sorry?" "Can you do that, please?" "Because I'm honestly so sorry." "She did not deserve that." "Okay, Richie, are you okay?" "Yeah, yeah... no, we need more beer, Chuck!" "[Chuck] No, no, we do not!" "Hey, let's play the Drink More Water game!" "Stop, what are you doing?" "Where are you going?" "[Richie] Beer, beer!" "[Chuck] Not now!" "[Jessica] Well, that sucks." "The biggest nerd here just dumped you publicly." "[Jonas] I'm really not in the mood, Jessica." "[Jessica] Get used to it, hubby." "I'm gonna be bossing you around a lot." "[Jonas] What do you mean?" "You just got cast as MacB." "The cast list was emailed out, like, 10 minutes ago." "I got cast in the play?" "[Jessica] I know, shocking." "But hey, drama geek's better than nothing at all, right?" "But I'm in the debate club." "I'm the captain." "[dance music]" "♪ [easygoing rock music]" "♪" "[Barry] Hey, Jonas, where you going?" "[Jonas] Not really my scene." "[Barry] What do we need to do to make it your scene?" "I'm sorry, what are you..." "what are you doing?" "Well... you're cute." "Excuse me?" "!" "[Barry] I said you're cute." "I get cast in one play..." "Look, just let me get you one drink, okay, what?" "Barry, wrong tree, barking up it, okay?" "Hey, hey, man, whatever you say, seriously." "But..." "I tend not to misread these things." "Good night, Barry." "[Barry] Hey, come on!" "Let me be the popular douchebag of your dreams, huh?" "[Jonas] Definitely not my dreams, Barry." "It's a good offer... maybe." "♪" "[Chuck] Richie... hey, Richie, where'd you go?" "[sentimental ballad music]" "♪" "[Franklin] Franklin." "[Siobhan] Yeah, we'll see you tomorrow." "[Chuck] Whoa, thank you, okay, good night." "[Franklin] Hey, Mr. Kind Eyes." "[Chuck] Okay, did you just drink all of this?" "Did you drink all that?" "[Franklin] I did, I think I did!" "[Chuck] Hey, hey, what happened?" "You okay?" "[Franklin] Jasper Stonewall made me the king." "My grandma said I'd find my mother ship, and I think I did." "[Chuck] Okay, okay, yeah." "Whoa... whoa, whoa!" "Okay, you okay?" "Thank you." "♪" "[Evelyn] Why is Franklin sleeping in my tomato garden?" "[Chuck] Oh, uh... he's been sleepwalking again." "It's been happening a lot lately." "[Evelyn] Well, get him in the house." "The poor kid looks like he's been shot." "Look, I've gotta run in to work;" "a deal of ours just fell through at the last minute, on Saturday, of course, but Casey's here if you need anything." "[Chuck] Coach Harris spent the night here?" "Well, yes, Chuck, it shouldn't be a surprise at this point." "I don't want him here, he's always been a dick to me." "[Evelyn] Hey, language!" "Chuck, he has been bending over backwards to make you like him." "He's been trying harder than..." "Than... than who?" "Than Dad?" "You know, this is the first time I've ever brought anyone home to meet you, ever!" "To meet me?" "He's one of my teachers!" "[Evelyn] Yeah, well, you know what," "Chuck, Honey, being a single female lawyer with a kid isn't exactly like an episode of The Good Wife." "I have never had anyone respect me, or admire me for my career and for being a mom and who makes me feel like..." "I don't know, I haven't stopped being a person." "You're not a person;" "you're my mom." "I wasn't aware the two had to be mutually exclusive." "[melancholy music]" "♪" "♪" "[Franklin] So, she said, "I, too, like mahjong,"" "and that's the only person" "I've ever met who likes mahjong, too, except for Fred and he's 72 and doesn't remember my name ever." "That's awesome." "Well, sounds like maybe you met your soul mate." " Really?" " Yeah, it's possible." "So, Romeo, did you get to hang out with anyone special last night?" "[Franklin] Yeah, he did." "[Casey] Melissa Mercer, maybe?" "Yeah, buddy." "Yes, you know, honestly, I think maybe you owe me for making you run those laps." "Anyway, you know, victories aside, you guys were out pretty late last night." "Frankie, you can barely stand." "Sorry." "[Casey] It's okay." "Your mom was really worried, Chuck." "I was about to start driving around the neighborhood looking for you when you walked in last night." "I know it's senior year and all, but maybe save those wild nights for college, huh?" "Anyway, I gotta run to the grocery store and get some stuff for your mom, so if you can clean up the kitchen when you're done." "Don't tell me what to do." "What'd you say?" "He said don't tell him what..." "[Casey] Yeah, Franklin, I got it." "[Franklin] Well, this is awkward, so I'm gonna go." "I'm gonna go-go, my bro-chachos, and I'm gonna take some of that, okay?" "[Casey] Yeah." "Yup, no worries, bud, I got the dishes." "So, just relax." "[Chuck] So, you're gonna start staying here, like, every night?" "Would that bother you?" "Yes." "Chuck, I know you probably think I'm some, um... dumb jock, especially compared to a woman as smart as your mom, and sometimes" "I think I'm that dumb jock, too, you know?" "But, your mother, she's..." "She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I look at you and I just wanna help." "Sometimes I think back to who I was in high school and, I mean, I guess it wasn't that long ago, but... [pensive music]" "♪" "I just don't want you making the same mistakes that I did." "♪" "Chuck, I'm trying." "I know." "I just don't care." "♪" "Aw, look at you, look at you, you're wearing pink!" "Chuck, hey, um, actually, I have a question or you:" "The topic at the debate next week, it's bullying, right?" "I know I'm new, but do you think Coach Russo would let me do the closing argument?" "I mean, I vote yes." "Don't tell him I said it, you couldn't be worse than Franklin." "[Mary] Okay, can you please just not anymore?" "[Chuck] So, where'd your parents go?" "[Mary] Tennis at the country club." "And Melissa?" "The diner with Alicia." "How's she been dealing with the Richie breakup?" "She's fine, she always is." "Have you guys talked about it?" "[Mary] Yeah, she tells me everything." "We sit around braiding each other's hair, gabbing about boys, eating gobs of cookie dough!" "[Chuck] Hey, I get it." "[Mary] Melissa doesn't talk about her problems." "She wants everyone to think she's perfect, so they do." "Can I ask you something?" "Sure." "Did you really sleep with Richie?" "Ugh, I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that." "You know, you're the first person who's actually asked me." "Everyone else just assumes." "[door closes] [muffled voices]" "All right, come on." "We are getting out of here." "Okay, I..." "I've gotta put, like, clothes on." "[Chuck] Yeah, get clothes on, we're leaving." "[female singer] ♪ Show me what I used to be" "♪ Show me what I used to be" "♪ Offer me your darkest day to release me, release me ♪" "♪ Offer me your darkest day to release me, release me ♪" "♪" "♪ Show me what I used to be" "♪ Show me what I used to be" "♪ [chuckling]" "[Chuck] Do you ever regret skipping that grade and ending up in the same class as all of us?" "[Mary] What's the point?" "Game pretty much played out, right?" "[Chuck] What do you wanna do after high school?" "[Mary] Um, college, I guess." "Honestly, I have no idea what I'll do." "[Chuck] Come on, you're obviously really smart, so I'm sure you've thought about what you wanna do." "What is it?" "Is it that embarrassing?" "Is it really bad?" "Oh, come on, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me!" "Oh, God, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!" "But you have to promise you won't make fun of me." "Yeah." "I'm serious." "Yeah!" "[chuckling]" "[Mary] Okay, uh, well, I... always wanted to be a writer." "Well, a poet, actually." "[ragtime music]" "♪" "[chuckles]" "What?" "Just so ironic, it's perfect." "[Mary] But you promised you wouldn't make fun of me!" " Are you kidding?" " You're like a moody poet!" "[Mary] I said nothing about being a moody poet!" "[Chuck] I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh." "Honestly, I believe that anyone can be anything they want to be." "That's nice." "[Chuck] My dad, he wanted to be the next Richard Gere, so he left for LA, and, you know," "I will never forget the last words that he said to me." "He said, "Give 'em hell, kiddo."" ""Give 'em hell, kiddo"?" "That's not really how he left, is it?" "[Chuck] That's how I remember it." "You know, my mom laughs at me for wanting to be a comedy writer." "[Mary] Oh, you'd be so great, you're so funny!" "Sometimes in an unintentional way, but still." "[Chuck] Thank you." "My dad always thought so, too, and he loved nothing more than movies." "So, I guess that's where I get it from." "I'm actually working on a screenplay right now." "[Mary] Oh, cool." "[Chuck] For the Viral Video Talent Show, and I love thinking about all the possibilities, like..." "like detectives and vampires and musicals!" "[Mary] Oh, boo." "[Chuck] All the ways that things could be better." "[pop music playing]" "♪" "Hey, guys." "Hi, Chuck." "Mary, do you have a sec?" "♪" "[Mary] Melissa, I'm glad you wanna talk." "[Melissa] What are you doing to Chuck?" "[Mary] What..." "I'm not doing anything to him, he's my... he's my friend." "Why do you suddenly care about Chuck anyway?" "He's not exactly in your circle of people." "[mellow music]" "♪" "[Melissa] You know what, Mary?" "Just leave Chuck alone." "[Mary] Melissa." "[Melissa] Leave me alone!" "[Alicia] So, what are you guys doing on Senior Ditch Day on Monday?" "I don't know, we were talking about maybe watch..." "[Alicia] Because there's this party at Barry's stepdad's beach house that we're all going to." "Super private." "You guys should definitely come, and bring your friend, uh, ooh, what's his name?" "Ned, yeah!" "Oh, so you're inviting me and Ned out?" "[Alicia] No, I mean like, whatever, bring whoever you want." "So, are you coming?" "Yeah, I think so." "[Alicia] Really?" "Oh, my God!" "[squealing]" "That is so great!" "You just made my day!" "Oh, oh!" "[Alicia] Okay, oh my God, Senior Ditch Day!" "It's gonna be so much fun!" "Get excited, get excited!" "[Chuck] I'm excited." "Mary, Mary, we're gonna go to the party on Ditch Day." "[Alicia squeals] [unintelligible]" "[Chuck] All right, come on." "You know we both need to work on our tans." "Hey, mine's coming along pretty well, but you need some work on yours." "[Mary] Chuck, I really don't want to be here." "Can we please leave?" "[Chuck] Really?" "Well, I mean, the guys are already on their way." "[Mary] I'd rather drink toilet water forever than stay here." "[Chuck] Ooh, yum." "Uh, okay, well, would you rather just head home?" "Maybe we could hang out a little later?" "[Mary] Yeah, sure, sounds good." "I should probably keep practicing for the debate anyway." "[Chuck] Okay, cool." "Call me if you need any help." "[Mary] Okay." "[Chuck] Hey." "[Mary] Oh, no." "[Chuck] I'll see ya later." "[Mary] Okay." "[Richie] Oh, hey." "[Mary] Hi." " I'll head out." " Hey, no, I'm leaving." "No, you should stay, have a good time." "I was leaving anyway." "I guess I thought it was 'cause of me." "God, Richie, I..." "[Richie] Mary, I didn't wanna do this here." "About that night, I'm so sorry." "I was so drunk and had no idea" " what I was doing." " Oh, just please stop." "Mary, I hate what you must think of me." "I want you to know that I don't know how it happened, I don't know how the video got out." "You didn't, you didn't." "I-I let it happen, if I'd really wanted to stop you," "I could have." "Wow." "[Mary] I didn't stop you, okay?" "You're in the clear." "I feel like this whole mess is my fault." "[Mary] I let it happen." "That's the truth." "Look, I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a victim, not in that way," "I'm not somebody else's victim." "Right now, implying that I might be is just insulting, so don't." "Look, you don't need my forgiveness, but if it really makes you feel any better, here you go:" "I forgive you." "I'm just really trying to forgive myself, and I think that's probably what we both need to do." "So, I'm gonna do what I should have done that night." "Goodbye, Richie." "[soft music]" "So, are we friends again?" "We were never friends." "I guess I always thought we were." "[Mary] I think you might need to be your own friend for a while." "So, hey, don't let your "friend" get totally wasted, okay?" "♪ [peppy music]" "♪ [male singer] ♪ Love is just a dance" "♪ Keeps stepping on my feet" "[Chuck] Whoa, hey!" "[Melissa] Hi, hi." "[Chuck] You made it!" "[Melissa] I made it!" "Wow, are you having fun?" "[Chuck] Yeah, now I am." "[Melissa] Oh, Chuck, you really give me too much credit." "[Chuck] Are you having fun?" "[Melissa] Uh, yeah, yeah, you know, living the life." "What more could a girl want?" "[Chuck] I really wouldn't know." "[laughter]" "[Melissa] Right." "So, um... where's Mary?" "[Chuck] She went home." "[Melissa] It's for the best, Chuck." "[Ryan] Well, if it isn't the Ice Queen and her little bitch?" "[Melissa] Okay, and isn't it the amateur porn mogul?" "Did you enjoy your glimpse of the future when you sent out that email and video to everyone?" "[Ryan] Melly, seriously, cut my bro a little slack, all right?" "Wouldn't you rather be with a real man than a castrated jackass?" "[Melissa] What is your problem?" "[Chuck] Yeah, that doesn't actually makes sense because mules are not castrated, they're sterile." "[Richie] What the hell are you doing?" "[Ryan] What, you're still scared of this chick and her pet terrier?" "I'm trying to help you out, bro." " Oh, help me out?" " Yeah." "[Richie] Let me make one thing explicitly clear, Ryan:" "Never help me out, ever." "And stay away from my friends." "[Ryan] Are you kidding?" "These are your friends now?" "[Richie] Yeah, they are, 'cause I can't really depend on you, can I?" "Back up." "♪" "[Ryan] It's like that?" "♪" "[Melissa] What does the point mean?" "Sorry, guys." "[Melissa] Yeah, that's okay." "Thanks, Richard." "Um, okay, well, I gotta go check on Alicia." "[Chuck] Oh, I could come with you?" "[Melissa] Oh, it's okay, you stay here." "Enjoy your time." "Bye, Chuck." "♪" "[Chuck] She talked to me." "Now..." "I need another beer." "[Richie] Already?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, just because... you had sex with my mom, that doesn't mean you're my dad!" "And..." "[Richie] Chuck, Chuck, hey, man." "I think you've had enough." "[Chuck] Do you know a joke about a nun and a port-a-potty..." "[Richie] No, I don't, here, give me the wood." "[Richie] Where did you get that?" "[Chuck] Stop it." "What are you doing?" "[Richie] I don't want you to do anything stupid, man." "[Chuck] You're drinking, too!" "[Richie] Chuck, I haven't had a drink at all." "[Franklin] Chuck, Chuck, Chuck!" "[Richie] Come on, man, I'm just looking out for you." "[Chuck] You're not sober." "Time for another beer, beer time!" "[Richie] Chuck!" "[Franklin howls]" "Hello, my pack!" "[Siobhan] Hey." "[soulful pop music]" "♪" "[Barry] So, I guess we can finally have that one drink." "[Jonas] Uh, one drink by myself." "[Barry] Can I watch you have one drink, then?" "Like, I'll stand back a couple feet and just... it's gonna be weird, but..." "Barry, I'm not gay." "Neither am I." "Okay, sure." "Well, I'm bi." "And, honestly, Jonas, who else do you really have to talk to right now?" "I mean, I..." "I can understand if I'm not, like, the absolute pick of the litter for you here." "On the other hand," "I can be very charming, obviously." "Yup, and, well, I might be a bit of a jackass sometimes, but..." "I'm not a heartbreaker." " You're funny." " Yeah." "There we go." "Does this count?" "[Barry] Yeah." "[Jonas] All right, one drink." "[Barry] One... cheers." "[Jonas] Cheers." "[Barry] So, may I regale you with my six-pack abs or my storied collection of knock-knock jokes?" "[soft music]" "[Chuck laughing]" "♪" " Hey, Melissa." " Hi, Chuck, whoa, hey," " be careful." " Hi." "[Melissa] Hi, you have had a lot to drink." " Yup." " Hi." "[Chuck] Do you wanna know a secret?" "[Melissa] Uh, after these past few days, not really, but okay." "I love you." "Uh..." " Chuck." " I reall..." "I have loved you for the last seven years." "It's just taken me this long to tell you." "So... so I was hoping... [laughing] maybe you wanna go to Homecoming with me?" " Chuck." " Um, "Yes" or "Maybe"" "are your choices." "♪" "You know what, answer me this:" "Why do you like me?" " What?" " No, I mean it, Chuck." "Why do you like me?" "I mean, why does anyone, 'cause it feels like" "I can't find anyone anywhere who likes me for a reason that actually matters." "So is it my 4.21 GPA, is it the fact that I made All-State last year in tennis, or is my sparkling personality just a kick in the pants?" "Why do you like me, Chuck?" "Well, I mean, I love you." "[laughing]" "[Melissa] Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck," "Chuck, listen to me." "I think that you're drunk." " Mm-mm." " Yeah, and I think that you... you have a crush on me, okay, and I think that you care about me, but I think one day you decided that I was the prettiest girl you knew," "so you selected me by default." "♪" "Still love me, Chuck?" "You hardly even know me." "I know I do, though." "Chuck." "♪" "I want you to get home safe, okay?" "Take care of yourself." "♪ [male singer] ♪ I'll still love you" "♪" "♪ I'll still love you" "[Franklin] I'm getting another beverage real quick." "[Jasper] Okay, but just..." " remember your mantra." " My mantra!" " Your mantra." " Hey, bro!" "[Ryan] What's up, bitch?" " Yeah?" " Whoa, whoa!" "[Ryan] Where do you think you're going, asshole?" " I'm just trying to get..." " Oh, hey, dude, hey!" "[Ryan] Think you and your stupid friends belong here?" "You don't." "Why don't you just get out of here?" "No one wants you here, you're just a pathetic bunch of losers." "[yelling and smacking] [yelling]" "[Richie] All right, enough, enough, calm down!" "Chuck, get Franklin out of here!" "Chuck?" "[Jonas] Let's go." "[male] Isn't Chuck going with them?" "I thought they were friends." "[Siobhan] Are you okay, Franklin?" "[discordant music]" "♪" "Uh, hey, Mary?" "Mary?" "[circus music] [laughing]" "♪" "Oh, hi, loser." "[laughing]" "♪" "[Chuck] Jonas?" " Have a good dream." " Yeah, have a good dream." "Don't worry about me." "I'm not here." "[laughing]" "♪" "[Chuck] What are you doing?" "[Mary] Wouldn't you like to know." "Better get a move on, Casanova." "I think she wants you." "[Melissa] Oh, thank God, there you are." " Hi, Melissa." " We would like two piña coladas and some guacamole." "[Chuck] What?" "[Melissa] Oh, are you not our waiter?" "Oh." "[laughing]" "Did you think you and I...?" "[laughing]" "No, no, no." "Blegh." "[Richie] Don't beat yourself up, champ." "You never actually had a chance with her." "[Melissa] No, Chuck." "I would never date a loser like you." "[Richie] I mean, really!" "[laughing]" " Oh, Chuck." " Chuck." "Poor, disgusting Chuck." "Richie, he actually thought that he had a chance!" "[laughing]" "♪" "[groaning]" "[acoustic guitar music]" "♪" "[Chuck] Hey, you ready for debate?" "♪" "I feel like such a piece of..." "Is that why you're talking to me now?" "Because the cool kids don't like you anymore?" "Did you know that I'm the lead in the school play?" "On top of that, someone might like me." "I've never been happier, Chuck." "[soft piano music]" "♪" "But you don't know any of this because it doesn't matter to you." "[Franklin] Oh, hey, my debate gunslingers." "[Ned] I guess the gang's all here, huh?" "[Jonas] Yup." "[Ned] We all cool or whatever?" "[Jonas] Ice cold." "[Mary] Hey, team!" "[Jonas] Mary, you look really nice!" "[Mary] First debate, figured I'd get fancy." "[Coach Russo] All right, my warriors, let's pow-wow." "Mary!" "Now that is how to sell it!" "Tigress!" "Okay, let's go." "[Hector] Teachers can't be held accountable for bullying outside of school walls." "It's up to parents to teach their children what is right and what is wrong, not the responsibility of school administration." "In a colloquial conclusion, man up, America." "[Mary] Well, most parents aren't aware of how their children behave on a daily basis." "Fact:" "Approximately 160,000 teens skip school every day due to bullying." "It's not acceptable for students to feel unsafe going to school." "If you consider the recent number of suicide attempts due to bullying, teachers need to be equipped to deal with bullies in their classrooms." "Students in these halls are sad." "Incredibly sad for all sorts of reasons." "Some are making huge mistakes for the first time in their lives." "Some have body image issues, some have been abused." "No one can know what secrets people carry around with them, and while that's not solely the school's responsibility, school bullying certainly compounds it all as a cultural manifestation of their internal issues." "Fact:" "Many bullying victims claim they do not have a single friend, and those are the ones who resort to hurting themselves." "We need to guarantee that everyone has someone they can turn to when the pressure is too much." "And that's everyone's responsibility." "[soft guitar music]" "♪ [judge] Excellent work, teams." "And a beautiful final argument, young lady." "We declare the winner Thomas Thornton High School!" "[cheering]" "[Mary] We did it!" "[Chuck] Oh, I'm so proud of you." "♪ [sniffling]" "Hey, sweetheart." "[Chuck] Hey, Mom." "You okay?" "[Evelyn] Oh, yeah, honey, just fine." "It's just this stupid deal." "[Chuck] Aren't you gonna go out with Coach Harris tonight?" "Um, not anymore." "We, uh, we had a..." "We had a disagreement, but it's fine." "I'm sorry." "Okay, I'll just get a ride to the lock-in with Jonas's parents." "Just need you to pick me up in the morning." "Oh, of course, honey, just call and I'll come." " Thanks." " Goodnight, sweetheart." "Hey!" "I love you." "I love you too, Mom." "[soft music]" "♪ [clearing throat]" "[Casey] All right, seniors." "Welcome to the annual lock-in!" "[cheering]" "[Mr. Busby] So, everyone, since this is a lock-in, please put your car keys in the designated bowls by the door and then, um, break up..." "Uh, break up into teams..." "I am a failure." "[Mary] Poor Mr. Busby." "Sometimes I know how he feels." "[Jonas] Yeah." "[Mary] Hey, I think someone's lookin' at ya." "[Jonas] I think someone is." "[piano music]" " Hey, Barry." " Jonas." "[Jonas] Why'd you dress so nice for this?" "[Barry] You've got something in your hair." "[laughing]" "♪" "[indistinct conversations]" "♪" "♪" "[Chuck] Hey, Coach." "[Casey] Hey, Chuck." "Um, what's up?" "[Mr. Busby] Oh, uh, okay, I'll just..." "[Chuck] Um... so..." "Uh, so my mom is pretty upset." "[Casey] Chuck, I would never do anything to intentionally hurt your mother." "Sometimes adults, relationships get in disagreements..." "[Chuck] Oh, no, no, no, I know." "I just, uh..." "Could you call her?" "Or maybe just head over there and check on her?" "I don't know what the problem was or what..." "Okay, well, I guess that's not exactly true, but I just really think it would make her feel better if you went over there." "And I would really appreciate it." "I mean, Casey..." "She misses you and I..." "Well, you're missed." "Yeah." "Yeah, I can do that, no problem." "Thanks." "[somber piano music]" "♪" "[Mary] Melissa, do you think we could..." "[Jessica] Mercer number two!" "♪" "[Chuck] Melissa." " Hi, Chuck." " You have to talk to Mary." " I don't..." " I should've told you this a while ago." "Chuck?" "Mary tried to kill herself." "What?" "Chuck." "[Chuck] Mary, she needed to know." "Mary!" "♪" "Mary, stop, I'm sorry!" "[Mary] I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna..." "Don't touch me!" "You promised!" "That was the one thing I asked you for, that you not tell anyone, and you tell her." "Are you kidding me?" "You said you could make everything better." " You've only made things worse." " I'm trying, I'm trying," "[Mary] Why?" "Why?" "Why do you care so much what Melissa thi..." "I am so sorry." "You're just as bad as all of them, aren't you?" "I think you should go." "[soft music]" "Just go, Chuck!" " Mary..." " I don't wanna hear it!" "♪" "♪" "[Alicia] Ned." "Ned, Ned." " What's going on?" " It's just me, don't worry, hi." "I just..." "I just wanna talk to you for a second." "Um..." "Alicia, you might wake everyone up." "I wanted to talk about this secret relationship thing, 'cause like I'm ready." "Like send me on top of the roof, and I'll proclaim it loud and clear." "I love you." "I think you're amazing." "Thank you." "[Ned] But, um, I'm about to go to college, so I don't..." "I don't wanna get into anything too, uh," " you know." " Yeah." " Yeah." " I understand." "Okay." "Um, I'll go." "Is it because you think I'm dumb?" "Not at all." "[Alicia] Okay." "Okay." "What was that about?" "I don't know." "Whatever." "[phone ringing] [suspenseful music]" "♪" "[Mary] Hey, it's Mary." "You know what to do, so do it." "[Chuck] Melissa!" " Chuck." " Mary's gone." "[Melissa] We gotta find her!" " We need to hurry." " I'm coming with you." "[Chuck] Call me as soon as you get this!" "I'll be at the Mercers, okay?" "It's an emergency, please!" "[Richie] Melissa, where are your parents?" "[Melissa] Aspen!" " Oh, God!" " Mary!" "[yelling "Mary!"]" "[up-tempo music]" "♪" "[Mary] Guys?" "What the hell?" "[panting]" "[Richie] Mary, we thought..." "[Mary] Yeah, I bet I know what you guys thought." "[Melissa] Thanks, guys." "We have it from here." " Okay." " Yeah, okay." "[Richie] You did good, Chuck." "[Chuck] Just trying to do my part." "[Evelyn] Chuck, Chuck." "[Chuck] We're fine, everything's fine." "[Evelyn] I just got your message!" "You scared me to death!" "[Casey] You sure you don't need us to call anyone or anything?" "[Chuck] No, no, no, we're all good." "[Casey] All right, well, back to sleep then, I guess." "[Richie] Yeah, I'm gonna head back to the lock-in." " Goodnight all." " Richie?" "You could crash with us tonight if you want." " No, it's all right, man..." " Yeah, no, come on." "At this point, I practically run a hotel" " for misfit lost boys." " Yeah, living proof." "All right, thank you." "[Casey] I'll see you guys." "[Evelyn] You okay, honey?" "[Chuck] Yeah." "Yeah, why?" "I don't know." "You just... you look different somehow." "Older than when you last left." "[soft guitar music]" "♪" "Thanks." "[Chuck] I love you, Mom." "[Mary] First, you need to know I never meant to hurt you." "You remember that night you and Richie had been fighting and he came by the house, you wouldn't see him?" "Yeah, 'cause he was drunk." "He just sat in his car still drinking for over an hour texting you." "How did you know that he was texting me?" "[Mary] You left your phone in the living room." "He sounded so sad." "It was almost like poetry." "So I went out to his car, and he was sobbing and I'm..." "You know, I'm not even sure he knew it was me." "But he looked at me, and I just wanted to know what it felt like for someone to..." "Just once, even if it wasn't real." "[soft music]" "So I kissed him." "And he kissed me back." "And I am so, so sorry." "[Melissa] It's okay." "[crying]" "♪" "Shh." "♪" "[male singer] ♪ We built our home out on the slopes ♪" "♪ Pompeii beneath, she lay above ♪" "♪ And how she haunted our home" "♪ How she haunted our home" "♪ You took me walking through the town ♪" "♪ Showed me the statues underground ♪" "♪ Said just don't they look at peace ♪" "♪ Sometimes I wish that was me" "♪ And I was the son you always had ♪" "♪ Tugging at your coat while you were sad ♪" "♪ I was the son you always had" "♪ I was the son you always had [soft guitar music]" "♪" "♪ You said stay in the car and wait ♪" "♪ There's just some things I have to say ♪" "♪ Don't you know I miss her, too?" "♪" "♪ I miss her just as much as you ♪" "♪ So my father and my son" "♪ As you end what she's begun" "♪ You'll lie patient by her side ♪" "♪ With roses red come lilies white ♪" "♪" "♪ Don't cry, hold your head up high ♪" "♪ She would want you to" "♪ She would want you to" "♪ Please, just don't cry" "♪ Hold your head up high" "♪ She would want you to" "♪ She would want you to" "[Chuck] I'm really sorry about how I..." "[Mary] Chuck, it's okay." "I'm the one who should be apologizing." "[Chuck] Wait, what?" "Why?" "[Mary] You know better than anyone" "I've been going through a rough patch lately, to say the least." "Thank you for being there." "I mean it, I feel... very lucky to know you, Chuck." "So you're not mad at me for telling Melissa?" "[Mary] I know why you did it, even if you made a mess of it." "[laughing]" "So, how's your screenplay going?" "[Chuck] You know, I think I'm gonna put that on hold for a bit, actually." "I think I need to live a little more life first." "Speaking of writing," "I've been writing every day this week." "That's actually why I came over here." "I wrote you a poem." "What?" "Should I read it now?" "[Mary] Yeah, I hoped you would." "[Chuck] All right." ""Learning How to Speak, a poem by Mary Mercer!"" " Whoo!" " Yeah, yeah." "[soft rock music]" ""I hurt like the past, when everything you knew starts to leave you behind." "I hurt like the future that you endlessly wish you could rewind." "♪" "I hurt like the mothers when a boy becomes a man." "♪" "I hurt like the travelers that begin the journey only to hide in the map." "♪" "I hurt like the secrets that have long been left unsaid." "♪" "I hurt like the lovers after sparks have burned both hands." "♪" "I have learned to speak, to speak in a tongue that licks wounds anew and heals." "I have wanted to love, to love with a heart that won't break in two." "I have learned to live, to live a life that I know is true." "And all of this I've learned from you."" "♪" "Thank you." "[male singer] ♪ In the tempest of our thinking ♪" "♪ Our futures are erased" "♪ How all the roads that lead from there grow strange ♪" "♪" "♪ While we wait with folded arms ♪" "♪ For the moment to ring true" "♪ Walls spring up where what was green once grew ♪" "♪" "♪ And all the while the wind calls out your name ♪" "♪ Whispers we're as different than we are the same ♪" "♪" "♪ But there's no distance so far or so wide ♪" "♪" "♪ That could put us on two different sides ♪" "♪" "♪" "♪ And all the while the wind calls out your name ♪" "♪ Whispers we're as different than we are the same ♪" "♪" "♪ But there's no distance so far or so wide ♪" "♪ That could put us on two different sides ♪" "♪" "♪ [rock music]" "♪ [female singer] ♪ Restless nights in a haze" "♪ Find the world outside seems wrong ♪" "♪ Why can't I say" "♪ All the right words at the right times?" "♪" "♪ And in a way, it's my mistake ♪" "♪ To think that I could just be strong ♪" "♪ But there's no way" "♪ Without you, look how useless I've become ♪" "♪ Open my eyes to the dark that's all around ♪" "♪ You're reaching out, but we never make a sound ♪" "♪ Not one sound" "♪ But I've been dreaming about you ♪" "♪ Though memories all fade" "♪ Don't know just how you" "♪ Found a home in me and stayed ♪" "♪ The hell we've been through" "♪ With time heals all in the turning of the days ♪" "♪ The morning's here, but I can't find the words to say ♪" "♪" "♪ Nightmares seep into my sleep ♪" "♪ And even dreaming feels all wrong ♪" "♪ But there you stay" "♪ Saying the right words at the right times ♪" "♪ It was late and misplaced hate ♪" "♪ Left you feeling all undone" "♪ How can I say that I was wrong?" "♪" "♪ I'm always wrong" "♪ Open my eyes to the dark that's all around ♪" "♪ You're reaching out, but we never make a sound ♪" "♪ Not one sound" "♪ But I've been dreaming about you ♪" "♪ Though memories all fade" "♪ Don't know just how you" "♪ Found a home in me and stayed ♪" "♪ The hell we've been through" "♪ With time heals all in the turning of the days ♪" "♪ The morning's here, but I can't find the words to say ♪" "♪ Always shouting in the dark" "♪ In the dark" "♪" "♪ The morning's here" "♪ But I can't find the words to say ♪" "♪"