"Previously, on The Real L Word..." " Hollywood!" " Hear, hear!" "Hollywood!" "I feel like if I don't go out to L.A." "And figure out why I'm holding on to Francine," "I'll never be able to give Vivian, like, all of myself." "I'm gonna go." "You're in love with a girl." "Why are you here?" "I don't know what's wrong with me that I can't get over her." "Francine, I'm tired of wondering about you." "Okay?" "I'm tired of it." ""Achieving motherhood is not straightforward for lesbians."" "No shit." "He was supposed to call ten minutes ago." "We found a donor." "I don't want some Joe shmoe that beat off into a cup." ""Sorry, guys, I think this is too much for me."" "Fuck this." "At this point, it's been three weeks since we've had sex." "You gonna be okay to walk?" "We were going to have sex." "And then did I just fall asleep?" "Pretty much." "Mom..." "I just wanted to let you know I met someone out here." " Who?" " Her name is chanel." " How are you?" " I'm good." "How are you?" " Nice to see you." " It's nice to meet you as well." "Chanel and I, we're almost like instantly comfortable." "It meant so much more than a dance." "And the dance was plenty by itself." "There you go." "Yeah, just like that." "Cheers..." "To Rachel." "Welcome to Los Angeles." "Welcome to the west coast." "I heard the west coast is the breast coast." "The west coast may be the breast coast." "I would definitely say it's inevitable that me and Whitney are going to hook up." "Welcome to my crib." "It's a possibility." "Let's talk about how much you miss me." "You just get under my soul." "Sara can be shady." "Like, she can't trusted." "Some form of leprosy slowly eating away at my limbs." "I like those limbs." "Sara keeps texting me." "Sara's like a drug to me." "It's like putting a big ol' bag of heroin in front of a heroin addict..." "And telling them they can't touch it." "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Ah huh!" "♪ It was just the other night ♪" "♪ I don't wanna think about it ♪" "♪ I don't wanna start a fight ♪" "♪ I don't wanna think about it ♪" "♪ every time I take a step left, right ♪" "♪ yeah, I think I'm gonna sleep real good tonight ♪" "♪ just think about it ♪" "♪ you'll find a way to make me crazy ♪" "♪ hazy ♪" "♪ so hypnotized ♪" "♪ think of the blue skies ♪" "♪ new eyes ♪" "♪ and I'll never roam again ♪" "♪ I'm back in love again ♪" "♪ found my way back home again ♪" "Come here, my baby." "I wish I could do this all day." "Mmm." "It always feels good to be intimate with Sara and, you know, back in her bed." "You want a ride?" "Love one." "I keep hearing all this shit from my friends about us being together." "But it's like, I don't care what other people say." " Hot." " Yeah." "I feel like Romeo and Juliet." "It's like I'm sneaking out of, like, one family to go, like, yon window breaks to the other." "Oh, but then I'll really die." "That sounds, actually, accurate." "Like, you would get out alive and I'd be-- end up dying." "You'd be like, "damn." ""I'm actually just sleeping." "Damn, bitch, don't take it so seriously."" "♪ She's a femme, femme, femme ♪" "♪ a femme fatale ♪" "♪ she'll only break your heart ♪" "What is this in here?" "Where's the food?" "Dog land." "This is different, it's doglandia." "Aw, look at that." "Beautiful." "That's a beautiful doggy." "Let's go get it." ""Let's go get it."" "I forgot this is a dog park, which means dog poop." "I love you." "Oh, my God." "Sara, I'm still trying to figure out what the hell is going on with." "I know, can we pet it, please?" "I've never seen one that color before." "It's so beautiful." "I love the feeling I get when I'm with her." "I have these huge moments of, "you're the one."" " Oh, did it hurt?" "Did you hurt-  can you throw it again?" " It's so soft." "You know, obviously she has been unhealthy for me in the past." "But we have a very intense attraction." "Even as destructive as it is, she's like a vice, you know?" "Come on, Sam!" "Come on, Sammy!" "Yay!" "Look at that." "Who's that?" "I don't know, but that's a cute dog." "He's like..." "Is that whit?" "Ugh, no fuckin' way." " With Sara." " With Sara." "Shay and I take all the dogs to the dog park." "And there's Whitney with Sara." "This is my life, fml." "Oh, my God." "All I can think is like," ""really?" "Really, Whitney?"" "Gotta keep an eye on that." "Sara is just a bad seed, and it's like Whitney is brainwashed by the golden pussy right now." "I just don't get it." "Do you mind if we get out of here?" "Like, I'm feeling like I don't wanna be here." "The bitches are out, and I don't mean the dogs." "Ah, gee." "♪ Oh, oh, oh, trouble ♪" "♪ is callin' my name ♪" "♪ makin' me crazy ♪" "Oh, jeez." "I'm headed back to Francine's." "My parents were in town, so I ended up spending the night at their hotel with them just to give Francine some time to cool down." "First night I got here was a disaster." "Frannie came in just ready to roast me." "I think she's just scared, and I think it's easier for her to be mad at me, 'cause if she forgives me, then she runs the risk of being hurt again." "Three years have gone by since we've broken up, and I don't know what it's gonna be like seeing each other every day." "But in no way am I only moving out to L.A. for Francine." "I mean, work is my number-one priority." "And I'd like to kind of create a magazine for lesbians, because in a lot of places, they still think that we're these birkenstock-wearing girls." "But I think that the times have changed." "And we need a publication that shows who we are now." "All right, all right." "Sounds good." "I'm gonna take a shower, so why don't you just, whenever you're getting off work, give me a call." "Frannie and I, our relationship is pretty volatile." "We fight like a married couple." "It's like we bicker, and then two minutes later, we're like, "oh, so tomorrow we'll go to the beach, yeah?"" "And it's like, people are just so, like," ""you just acted like you hated each other, and now you're fine."" "Yes, you're good now." "Yes, your salad is good." "You're good now." "I'm proud of you." "Your behavior last night, however, was not good." "Yeah." "No." "Francine, you're good." "You are good now." "You are good now." "You are good now." "No buts." "No buts." "Okay." "Thank you." "Okay, bye." "Bye." "Oh, my goodness." "♪ Let's work it out ♪" "♪ let's work it out this time ♪" "♪ don't wait for the sun to shine ♪" "Marissa just texted me and said her flight landed." "I'm trying to make sure, like, her visit here isn't, like, completely gay." "You know?" "Riss!" "What's up, mama?" "I'm good." "How are you?" "Marissa's one of my straight friends from college." "She's coming to town to see L.A. life and L.A. lesbians." "I just came out a year ago." "So she's gonna be helping me size 'em up." "I told you I was stalking this girl." "You were stalking somebody?" "It is like stalker appreciation month or something." "No, it's not." " Or stalker awareness month-- same shit." "There's no such thing as stalker awareness month." "So I got to go meet her last night." "Cool as hell." "Then she went to the club with us afterwards." "Even better." "I always ask for a recommendation, 'cause I never know what to get." "I'm just a little nervous, because I don't want it to be like I want it so bad that I make it up in my head." "I've only met chanel once, and I'm really into her." "I'm like a little horn dog around her." "And I'm just hoping she's feeling it too." "I'm saying lesbians fall in love in all of 30 minutes." "Really?" "Because you don't have that nigga that's being cool and pacing himself, and he got eight other bitches on the side." "You know what I mean?" "So I gotta pa--you know?" "That doesn't exist." "I met her yesterday." "Okay, you're in lust already?" "Yeah, it's like crazy lust, though." "It's like, "I like you." "I like you too."" ""Okay, well, then we wanna go for it?"" "Let's just not put all our eggs into this one basket." "Sometimes I get caught up in girls that are nothing like what I'm looking for or what I need." "Marissa's always been glad to put me back on that road." "I just keep thinking about her eyelashes last night were, like, so out and bold." " Lord have mercy." " It ain't even been 24 hours." "♪ She coming' hard ♪" "♪ she comin', she comin' hard ♪" "♪ she comin' hard, she comin' ♪" "♪ she comin' hard, hard, she comin' hard ♪" "Can you think of anybody else you'd wanna ask?" "The person who we thought was gonna be our donor is out." "This is insane." "I mean, I guess this whole situation just kind of was a punch in the stomach." "I have decided that I am, um..." "Ill-informed or have un--mis--underestimated people's biological connection to their" "I just--I just don't get it." " I--because, like, every day, they shoot it off into a towel, and it's no big deal." "Like, instead of shooting it off into a towel, give it to me." "Ideally, it would be awesome if I could make my own baby with her." "Um..." "But I can't." "I can't do anything about it." "I just gotta go-- you know, go with the process." "And, like, that's the thing I hate about it, is that we have no control." "And we're, like, stuck." "You ovulate in a month." "They're like--uh..." "I'm ready, you know?" "Like, I'm ready now." "I'm excited now." "We need to find a donor." "And I still really want to find someone that we know." "Like, our future..." " Right." "Well, look on-  is hanging in his" " His hands." "In his balls." "Our future is in his balls." "I mean, we have a couple options." "The--the asking-- asking somebody to give up your sperm to make a baby, uh, is a little daunt-- like, how do you-- would you like some wine?" "Also, can we have your sperm?" "I think we just start asking people on the street." "I think we should put out a craigslist ad." ""We need your junk."" "It could work." "It could totally fuckin' work." "Have I lost you?" "Are you divorcing me?" "It was hot." " Oh, you know what I want?" " Mm-mm." " Spicy tuna crunch roll." " There you go." "Romi, tell me what salads they have, 'cause I don't have my glasses." "Um, they have seaweed, cucumber..." "Let me see." "My relationship with my mom is a big part of my life." "My mom and my dad divorced when I was six." "And then a few years later, my mom married a woman." "So she understands the stuff that we go through together." "So how are you?" "How's work?" "I'm the cashier, so you have to be, like, exactly on point." " Right." " So one time," "I was like 75 cents over, 25 cents under, 35 cents, you know, just under a dollar, but-  they wrote her up." " They wrote you up for it?" " And it's her first month." " But she's dyslexic, so that's something that-  but then that's not a good position for you." "Well, it's the only job I have." "Right, so I'm just saying, heads-up to both of us, which scared me, kelsey might lose her job soon." "And that scares you because..." "It scares me because I'm gonna have no help at all." "Lately, kelsey has been a little bit of a challenge." "She's 23, you know." "She's never had to pay rent and pay for her bills." "And I know she feels bad because she doesn't want to lose the job either." "So I think that half the things I'm throwing at her, it's--it's-- she doesn't even know what the fuck I'm talking about." "I can't take care of me and kelsey on everything." "I want to be able to provide." "I want all those things too, and then-  then you gotta do something about it." "Oh, my God." "I know that!" "I mean, shit, all I ask for is bus money." " Babe, I pay for drinks, food, roof-  but I don't want the drinks." " I mean, everything." "She asked for the large one." "At least start looking for a second job." "Okay, I'm the one cleaning..." "And cooking." "She does do this." "If I could pay her to do that, that would be a job, which is kind of what it is now." "I'd pay kelsey to clean the house and-  it's unspoken." "Make food for me and rub my head at night." " That's about the extent of the intimacy-- she rubs your head?" "These days, yes." " Stop!" " Ohh, guys." "Kelsey needs more sex." "She needs more emotional." "She needs me being affectionate." " That's normal, honey." " I'm 23." "I need sex." " That's normal." " I need sex too." "She used to be so passionate and romantic and, you know, couldn't keep her hands off me." "And now she just..." "I did." "I would, like, want to rape her every time I saw her." "And I would just grab her and hug her and..." "I get--I get in my head." "I have a lot going on." "And I've been pissed off lately at her." "I don't..." "Want to come home and rip your clothes off." "Really?" "You've been pissed off at me?" "Just because of, like, the whole, like, money thing." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "God." "If you stop, it's harder..." "To get back." "And I know that." "And I feel like it's getting to that point." "So she needs to feel connected, right?" "I can work on that." "Okay?" "I'll be better." "Well, hey." "Hi." "I'm tired." "Yeah." "I got wine." "You want some?" "This how lesbians open wine." "I wasn't going to." " How did you get a-a bruised lip?" " It's a mystery bruise." " Yeah." "No, I swear to God." " So the rumors are true." " No, no, no, no, no, no." "Wait a minute." "Wait just a minute." "I love how fast word travels." "Wait, why?" "What word did you hear?" " Nothing." " What?" " Nothing." " Tell me." "I just heard that you hooked up with Sara again." "And who told you that?" " Does it matter?" " Yeah, it does matter." "It does." "It does." "It doesn't." "It doesn't matter." "Who told you that?" "I'm not telling you." "It doesn't matter." "I'm not telling you." "Who the fuck told you that?" "I'm not telling you." "Tell me the first letter of their name." "No, I'm not telling you, is what I just said." "Point is, is what happens." "I can't believe, like, seriously-  no, hold on a second." "Whitney has an alternate life." "What the fuck are you talking about, dude?" " Because, like, I was-- when I-- before, she was like," ""fuck Sara and her fake tits." And-- and, "I can't stand that bitch."" "And then she sleeps with her." "I feel like all of us have been there to pick up the pieces of this really tumultuous relationship for a whole year now." "And I think, you know, we're all exhausted by that." "And I can't understand why she's not completely exhausted by it." "How did it go from," ""go ahead and punch her fake titties"-  all right, let's not talk about that." "Well, you said it doesn't matter." "You said it, not me." "Um..." "You don't have to answer to anybody." "You're goddamn right I don't, 'cause I'm a fucking adult, number one." "And number two-  you don't have to answer to me." "I'm just your best friend asking you questions, that's all." "But I'm saying, like, I can either get butt hurt over shit, or I can just like take it like I already did." "I'm single, and I do what I want to do." "I have no idea what it is about Sara that makes Whitney keep going back to her." "I really don't even think there's a decision-making process." "It's like--she, like, sprinkled voodoo dust on top of Whitney's head." "I think she's hypnotized." "I need a cigarette." "♪ Got a style so cool about you ♪" "♪ make me wanna know a little more about you ♪" "♪ not trying to be rude when I push up on you and I say ♪" "Moving to L.A., I was hoping to reconnect with Whitney, but I haven't spent any time with Whitney since I've been here, really." "And I don't like feeling like" "I'm not important." "It's kind of a slap in the face." "It's a slap in the vaj." "It hurts." "You know, masturbation makes you feel good." "And when you're pissed off, it's great." "I'm totally gay gold star, but for some reason, chicks sucking dick-- got it." "'Cause they look like they're whores." "I'm not sure what Whitney and Sara's deal is." "I think Whitney is making stupid decisions." "And she's thinking with her little head and not her big one." "Oh, my God." "Ohh." "She hasn't held Sara accountable for anything that she's done." "Oh, my God." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Ah!" "Ohh!" "Ohh!" "Oh, my God." "Ohh." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Fuck." "Ahh." "Yay." "Oh, my God, I need a cigarette." "♪ Dreamin' of the time ♪" "♪ you'll notice I'm alive ♪" "♪ I'm feeling ♪" "♪ I'm falling for you ♪" "♪ each step I take ♪" "♪ feel like I'm crying ♪" " Hi." " Welcome home." "Good." "How are you?" " I started cutting up the gar-- I'm gonna make the broccoli." "Do you know what I'm making?" "You're making the mahi mahi, but I'm making the garlic." "Now that Claire is here," "I'm not sure what's gonna happen." "Mm, what happened to the cutting board?" "I don't know, but I searched all over for it." "Your first love is always gonna have that place in your heart." "Did you know, when I was little, I used to love Ricky Martin?" "I thought he was so sexy." "Now he's gay, just like you." "And obviously, I'm not over her." "It's like you try not to have feelings for people." "But the thing's still there, you know, in my heart or wherever it is." "I've gotten good at things." "Are you Martha Stewart yet?" "But then, she still has a girlfriend." "Like, I just feel like it's kind of scary." " Betty cracker?" " You're so mean." "Betty cracker." "I like this workin' out, cooking'." "It's like..." "A changed woman." "Francine and I aren't the same people that we were when we dated." "I dated her from 19 to 23, and now I'm 26." "So it's like I've grown up since then." "I'm not that kid that I was when I dated her." "How many years has it been since we cooked dinner together?" "It's been a long time, Claire." "Don't you like how I'm talking to you now?" "Really trying to not be-  not Nazi over" " Not be controlling." "Claire keeps talking about how she changed." "And she's grown up now." "And I really want to believe her." "But, you know, actions speak louder than words." "So we'll see what happens." "Do you like my collection of lesbian magazines?" "Why don't I invite my mom over and go like this..." "I dated Claire for a long time." "But, um, my parents don't know I'm gay." "These aren't Claire's." "My mother, she's like," ""well, how are you going to have a baby if you keep hanging around with girls?"" "And I'm like, "oh, my God."" ""Herro."" " Look at--this is the girl you're gonna die over." " Who?" " Look at her." "I'm still thinking about the perfect way to tell them." "You know, like, write it in a fortune cookie." "Surprise!" "Just kidding." "Okay, cheers to Claire." "Cheers to us, um, getting along..." "From now on." "Okay." " Cheers." " Cheers." "♪ Uhh ♪" "♪ ♪" "Where are you?" "Oh!" "Oh." "Right here." "I'm gonna hang up." "Today I'm going out to march in the Martin Luther King parade with a group from the gay and lesbian center." "Hey." "I'm chanel." "Y'all love having me wait." "I'm real sorry." "You know it's always Marissa's fault." " Here's your bagel." " Thank you." "Why am I being blamed for that?" "Huh?" "'Cause it's always your fault." "I'm second." "How are you?" "Good." "Been out here a long time?" " A little bit." "I got here-- well, I got here extra earlier than I planned-  oh, yeah, that's right." "You said no traffic." " None." " The first time I met chanel, she was, like, all covered up." "She had, like, this long-sleeved shirt and, like, long pants." "And this time, she had on, like, this white tank, whatever, and like, like, breasts were all up and shit." "Like, ahh, she's the shit." "How we gonna walk like this?" "We're gonna go like this." "Wait, no, see?" "You're already wrong." "You gotta go, like, over the leg." " That ain't gonna work." " Okay, look." "Can--do you know how to dance?" " A little bit." " You know how to move?" "Okay." "You're gonna-- you're gonna move that leg." "And then you're gonna put in--no." "Then you're gonna put this in front of me." "In front of you?" "Hold on." "See?" "I'm supposed to walk down the street like that?" " Yeah." " That's so gay." "♪ ♪" "I'm a direct beneficiary of the civil rights movement, you know, and all the work that m.L.K. Did." "And I feel like this is the civil rights movement of our day." "So it's important to me to be a part of it to draw that correlation, to make sure that people see that gay and lesbian rights are just as important as, you know, race relations were in the '50s and '60s." "I kind of held on to chanel throughout the entire parade, because..." "Like, I always talk about the work that I do." "But having her close by just kind of really gave it meaning, you know?" "Like, it gave me the emotional element." "You know, like, this is why I'm out fighting for gay rights so that I can spend my life with you." "Well, my time at the moment-- not my life." "That sounds like forever." "♪ My love ♪" "♪ give it to you, baby ♪" "♪ don't throw it ♪" "I kind of want to talk to you, but I-I need you to promise not to say anything to Whitney." "I can't promise you that." "What is it, first?" " So, okay, Sara and Whitney really cuddly-cuddly." " Uh-huh." "And I'm a little confused, just because..." "When I left New York, um, Sara was trying to get a job at arrojo." "And hana and her" " In New York?" "Yeah, and asking me advice." "And, like..." "Hana was like," ""yeah, we're getting back together, you know."" "Hana is Sara's ex, and, um, before I came to L.A., she would ask me if I could get Sara a job interview." "But not to tell Whitney." "And it seemed very shady." "I got a text yet again today." "I mean, I have it all on my phone." "I just don't know exactly what I should do, because I don't want to seem to Whitney like..." "You know, I'm..." "A tattletale." "Well, why don't you...?" "Make it easy on yourself-- I'll tell her." "Rachel, you might not want to say anything, but Whitney is my best friend, and I live with her." "And I've watched her go through the gamut of emotions with Sara." "And if this is real and what you're saying is, you know, actually happening, it's absolutely my responsibility as a friend to tell her this." "Are you fucking kidding me?" "Well, hana asked me, um, about the salon." "She's like, "yo, can you get Sara a job?"" " Mm-hmm." "And I was like, "yeah, you know, I'll hook her up." "Like, you know, be an assistant."" "She's like, "oh, no, she doesn't want to do that."" "I was like, "well, she's probably gonna have to do that."" "You know what I mean?" "So they had a conversation back and forth, and they were talking about it." "And you saw a text..." " I saw the text" " That was like-- she told hana that she wanted to get back with her and move to New York." "Yes, that's what they said." "That's what hana said." "I wanted her to see, you know." "So I let her read all the text messages between me and hana." "And also, she made me swear not to say anything, which I thought was weird." "It's so manipulative, and it's so shitty." "And you better fuckin' believe that Sara will be knowing that there will be nothing fucking between us from this point on." "I was just opening my doors up to her again." "So I feel really fucking betrayed and played." "If I can't learn from this..." "Red, screaming flag, like, then I'm a fucking idiot." "Somebody's shady as fuck, and somebody's lying." "And the common denominator is always fuckin' Sara." "Tonight you better believe that I'm gonna fuckin' let her know I know what's up, 'cause this isn't going on one day longer like this." "♪ Hands down, wanna break my fall ♪" "♪ 'cause I could fall too hard ♪" "♪ it seems so glamorous ♪" "Black and I'm proud, I'm here to stay." "Wait, I said it all wrong?" "So cute!" "I think the parade actually showed a lot about my character to chanel." "Wanna do your little walk?" "Yes, that you didn't practice." "You're so gay." "And I'm seeing, like, a whole nother part of her." "Like she's--like she's in her own element." "I'm glad you came." "I'm glad I came." "That was empowering." "It was special." "It was a bunch of black people in a positive setting." "♪ The more I think about you ♪" "♪ the more I think I want ya ♪" "♪ ooh ooh ♪" "♪ ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪" "♪ 'cause you're all I wanna do ♪" "By the end of the parade, like, she's really feeling me, you know?" "Stop acting like you like me." "Stop acting like you like me, shit!" "And, uh, I kind of got rewarded with a little kiss before she left, so..." "That was our first kiss." "♪ Baby, baby ♪" "♪ all I wanna do ♪" "♪ Is get with you ♪" "Stop fighting it." "All right, get out of here before your mother kill me." "Yeah." "♪ The more I think I want ya ♪" "Fuck me." "♪ Do do ♪" "♪ whoa oh oh oh oh oh ♪" "♪ 'cause you're all I wanna do ♪" " Hey, guys!" " Hi." " How are you?" " Hi." "Mwah!" "Good to see you." " Mwah." "Ohh." " She's right around there." "Once we lost the donor that we knew, we wanted to set up dinners with a few of our guy friends." "I haven't even had a drink yet." "I know that kacy loves Olivier, and I really love Paulo." "He's adorable." "He's Italian." "I thought you were gonna have wine." "If he was up for it, I wouldn't mind him being a donor." "Uh, I actually had a question that I wanted to ask you both." " Here it comes." " So--yeah." "If we asked you..." "To donate your sperm for us to start a family, what would you say?" "Be honest!" "Be honest." "I would say no." "No?" " All right." " No." "Because" " Why?" "I know you, and so..." "The thing is, if I give you the sperm," "I know that you want that baby to be yours, you know?" "And..." "As we're friends, it's gonna be hard." "We cannot talk about it, you know." "It's not something I even thought about doing." "I don't know." "It's not the physical, you know, material thing of it that is the issue." "You know, it's just the fact that, one, I do know you." "We are really good friends." "We're in each others' lives." "There's, like, involvement there." "You wouldn't be able to just detach yourself and say..." "No." ""I'm doing a good thing for my good friends"?" "No." "Their attachment to their sperm shocks me." "I guess the difference is, if either one of you needed an egg," "I would have no issue." "You would have no issue at all?" "The reason why we would do it for them is because we love them so much." "And the reason why they wouldn't do it for us is 'cause they like us." "It's so fucking ridiculous!" "It's just like, "I hate you." "Here's my shit." "Do with it what you will."" "But, "like, I love you so much," ""it would be hard for me to watch you raise a child I helped make."" "They're entitled to their feelings." "Absolutely." "We are not entitled to their sperm." "I feel very honored, though, to even be thought about." " Yeah, me too." " Really." "I mean, that's a big deal." "And for someone to ask you that is, you know-- you must think really highly of me." "I don't know why, but..." "I mean, I think the thing that bit us in the ass is that we think that you care very much about family and values." "And it clearly worked against us." "If you guys were a little douchier..." "I know, it probably would work." "We just thought it would be easier." "And now we have to go down a different path." "I'm very tired of talking about sperm." " Oh, my God." " I've had my fill." "No pun intended." "Sounds like a fun night to me." "Babe..." "Where are you?" "Right here, hon." "Hi." " You look cute." " I wanna change." "I forgot what you looked like when you left." "Come..." "I'm tired." "Did you make my food?" "Mmm." "Oh, your food." "I literally, like, just finished." "So how was your day?" "Good." "I'm just tired." "I'm currently working at Marc Jacobs." "But don't want to be working paycheck to paycheck the rest of my life every day in retail." "Baby, will you get me my little slippers?" "I went to school for makeup." "I've been doing makeup for the last 10, 11 years." "You made yourself some food?" "Thank you." "But then this last year, I lost my job, and I was, like, struggling, and then I was broke." "It's been really hard." "Yeah, I'm shaky." "Why?" "I didn't eat very much today." "I was just like running around all day--I was busy." "If kelsey was to step it up and get a full-time job," "I would know that, like, my job wasn't the sole..." "Income of us, where, as of now, if it isn't coming from me, we're fucked." "It's a lot to have on one person in a relationship." "If I give you money, will you run down and get some alcohol?" " Uh-huh." "Because of that pressure when I get off work, my head doesn't turn off unless I'm drinking." "And then we can have like a little buzz in us before we go." "It's gonna be crazy." "I'm gonna need a drink." "All right, what should I get?" "Just get a thing of vodka, and then get, um..." "Some soda water." "Like the glass one?" "Yeah." "Girl!" "All right, baby." "I'll be back." "♪ It's a simple computation ♪" "♪ you take easy conversation ♪" "♪ add erotic exploration, adoration ♪" "♪ but when he said I love you, girl ♪" "So what's the deal, frannie, for tonight?" "Your friends gonna be there, Francine?" "Yeah, some of them." "I'm gonna be nervous." "Grab the bottle of wine." "Let's just finish it." "Tonight Claire and I are going to haute." "Um, it is a girls' party." "What is this?" "What?" "It's my favorite hat." "We're having a good time together." "And I know that I have a lot of flaws too, you know." "I need to learn how to let things go." "I need to learn how to move on from the past, and if we're gonna work on something, then I need to drop that anger." "And I need to move forward and see if we can really make this happen." "And I think we can." "With slutty shoes on." "A slutty face on." "Just kidding." "♪ ♪" "All right, these people are all with me." "I don't know if that matters." " Hi." " Hi." " Give me a hug." " Claire." "So nice to meet you." "I've heard so much about you." " Welcome." " Thank you." "Claire." "Nice to meet you, finally." "I've heard nice things." "Claire and I met up with a lot of the other girls." "I knew a fair amount of people there." "Nice to meet you, finally." "I've heard nice things." " Yeah?" "Who?" " Ruby." "Yeah?" "Oh, yeah." "She's a very good friend of mine." "We're all coming over on Monday." "It's like such a small world, because I feel like everyone's connected, especially, like, in the gay world." "It's like friends of friends." "Like two degrees of separation." "It's a big cesspool." "No, I'm kidding." "Uh, issa, her friend, just texted me today." " Issa is--used to be my roommate." " Nuh-uh!" " We lived together." "♪ Hey, pretty lady ♪" " ♪ pretty lady ♪ - ♪ Hey, pretty baby ♪" "I noticed that Rachel and Romi were flirting." "And my initial thought was, "what's going on?"" " I'm getting a drink." " Okay, you get a drink." "Look at you guys!" "We're getting along." "Can you believe it?" "We are, we're getting along today." " We are getting along." " Tomorrow might be-  good, I like when you guys are getting along." "Oh, no, no, no." "It's either really good or really bad." "We get to the bar, and we're having a lot of fun." "Claire was being very well behaved and being really nice." "These are my friends." "And very warm and affectionate towards me, which I didn't expect." "It felt great." "♪ Way down, stand in line ♪" "'Cause, trust me," "I saw it first fucking hand." "I'm saying, Sara, like, "why, dude?"" "Like, do you understand, like, literally last week, like, I felt like..." "Like..." "No, you don't understand." "I already told you what my side of it was." "Sara wants to act like everything's fine and everything's kosher, and let's just go back to being all happy and lovey-dovey." "And, like, no, that's not how it's gonna play out." "How could you see a text message that I sent to her?" "Don't worry about it." "Like, I saw it, trust me." " But what are you mad about?" "Like, I already told you-  what am I mad about, Sara?" "Really?" " Yeah." " Really?" "What am I mad about?" "Yeah." " I don't know if you think I don't see things, but I" " I mean, I haven't talked to hana in a really long time." "Really?" "When's the last time you talked to hana?" " Today." " Okay." " But..." " All right, good." "But I don't go run off and kiss girls." "No, I'm not gonna do that." "Well, you did, hon." "We're sitting in the cabana, and I have Rachel to my left, Romi to my right." "And they kiss." "Me?" " You just made-- you just kissed her." "Like..." "How easy you did that." "So easily, you just kissed her." "You're gonna leave me." "I'm not gonna leave you, but, like, you just so easily kissed her." "Do you want a threesome?" "No." "Then why would you do that?" "I'm sorry, wait." "Come again?" "You've always been here for me?" "Really?" "Really, Sara?" "I haven't?" "I mean..." "What are you mad about?" " So give it a second, dude, like-  why?" " Because I'm--I'm upset, Sara." "I never lied to you about shit!" "Oh, really?" "When I looked in your fucking eyes?" "Really?" "When I looked in your eyes?" "But did I say no?" "Like I would ever fucking do that." "You lied!" "You're such a fucking liar!" "Are you serious right now, Sara?" "Really?" "I'm kind of new to the whole game out here." "And I really want to steer clear of any drama." "And that's just all I'm seeing from all of these girls." "Give me my cigarette back, please." "Can I have it?" "Fuck you, Sara." "All right, fine." "I wasn't raised to start screaming at people at nightclubs." "Control yourself." "Yeah, I'm sure." "You fuckin' will." "Peace out!" "Bye!" "What?" "I'm aggravated at some bullshit." "Let's just get your shit, and let's go." "I don't wanna, like" " Go home?" "Yeah, I wanna go." "I gave Sara so many chances and so much of myself." "And, like, I'm always left high and dry." "So whatever, like, it's..." "It was a very clarifying moment tonight." "♪ ♪" "All right." "All right." "Give me your phone." "Let's call a cab." "We need to go home." "Sit in this chair." "No, I'll get it." " Honestly, we're-- tomorrow we're rethinking our whole relationship." " We are?" " Yeah, we are." " Oh, we are?" " Yeah, we are." "Oh, tomorrow we rethink everything?" " When you're fuckin' sober, we're-- yeah, we're fucking re" " Oh." "You just fucking made out with her." "I was not making out with her." "I was, like, drunk and wasted." "I'm not..." " Babe--babe, we're waiting for our cab." "Romi!" "Baby, bullshit aside..." "Bullshit aside." "Should I call it?" "Taxi." "♪ Doctor, doctor ♪" "♪ I'm already back for more ♪" "♪ I tried to bottle you up ♪" "♪ but that shit just didn't work ♪" "♪ I just can't let it go ♪" "♪ losing control ♪" "♪ I wish I never decided to explore ♪" "♪ I need a f-f-fix ♪" " Hey." " Hey, what are you doing?" "Nothing." "I miss you." "I miss you too." "You look cute." "I love you." "How's L.A.?" "It's good." "It's like-- it's taking a bit of getting used to the driving and the bars closing at 1:30, but I love it." "We walk in the front door, and the first thing she does is call her ex-girlfriend and is, like, lovey-dovey to her." "And, like, that I can't stand." "It's like, you're telling me you love me, but then you're telling your ex-girlfriend you love her." "Or whatever they are." "And it's" "I just don't think it's fair to either of us." "And I don't appreciate that." "I already have places I want to take you when you come here." "I'm just over it." "You're still my screen saver." "Am I still your screen saver?" "Where's my phone?" "I better be, woman." " Ta-da!" " Oh, good, it's me." "Mwah!" "I may have a job out there while I'm there." "Well, that's good, but you got jobs with me, so don't make your schedule too crazy." " Well, you are a full-time job." "Yeah." "At haute, when we were being affectionate with each other, she did tell me some really sweet things." "And I actually believed her." "A lot of times, Claire says the sweetest things, but her words don't match up with her actions." "And that's where I get really upset." "All right, boo." "I love you." "Love you too, baby." "Okay, bye." "Bye." "At this point, you know, I just..." "Take it day by day, go with the flow." "♪ Is this how you destroy me?" "♪" "♪ is this how you destroy me?" "♪" "♪ is this how you destroy me?" "♪" "♪ is this how you destroy me?" "♪" "♪ is this how you destroy me?" "♪" "♪ is this how you destroy me?" "♪" "♪ is this how you destroy me?" "♪" "I feel like shit." "Do you know what you did last night?" " Mm-mm." "You kissed Rachel." " Like, how--I don't-- I don't remember it, babe." "Like, I don't remember." "I was sitting right next to you." "You leaned over me to kiss her." "Apparently, last night my behavior was out of control." "How did we get home last night?" "I don't remember things, and that scares me." "I was just making out with her?" "You just reach over and you just grab her face and you start kissing her." "It's like this time, you kiss her." "What if something else happens if I'm not there, and you're drinking?" "Like..." "I don't even, like, like Rachel like that." "I don't even think of Rachel that way." "This had been happening and building up and building up." "And there's one thing when you're blacking out and hurting yourself, but there's another thing when you start hurting the people that you love around you." "You're just making out with girls in front of me." "I can't handle that." "What if I was to to do that?" "I just don't even know what to say." "This morning I just looked at myself and said," ""you are done."" "I never want to lose my girlfriend because I did something I would never do in a blacked-out stage." "I can't do this anymore." "♪ Hello again ♪" "♪ hello, baby ♪" "♪ I'm glad you're here ♪" "I'm sorry." "♪ I need you close to me ♪" "Operation find sperm, stage two." "Selection." ""Our donors' personal health and family history are carefully screened through a comprehensive questionnaire."" "They're not just taking every Joe shmoe off the street." "So this is 5% of the 1%." "Yeah." "At this point," "I don't care where it comes from anymore." "Can you order it online?" "Can they ship it to your house?" "Okay, so if we want to, like, see his picture and hear his interview, we have to pay $200." "All right." "Shall we?" "This is kind of a moment." "Right now we're buying access to sperm." "I know." "We don't need to find a lawyer." "We don't have to have paper-- papers drawn up." "We order it." "They send it to our doctor and-  1214." "We sweet talk our doctor into giving it to us so we can do it at home." "All right." "Mm, we did it." "So do a search." "So you wanna do a basic search before we, um" " Sure." "He has a b.S. In mechanical engineering." "Chinese and Colombian?" "This guy's 5'10", 195." "That's..." "Good." "Our kid would need braces." " Those are some thick" " Ooh, serious eyebrows." " Some thick-ass eyebrows." "He's got little feet." "That's not good, if we have a boy." "I didn't have anything that I specifically was looking for in a donor." "Kacy, of course, we both wanted somebody that looked like her." "No one's as cute as her." "Um, but I mean, all of the donors, they're all college graduates." "They're all smart." "They're all athletic." "I mean, every single one of them has these amazing qualities." "Let's just do a search, just quick, me." " Okay." " So everything that I've got." "Um..." " Be sure to double-click big boobs also." "Where are the Italian guys?" "Come on, guys." "Look, he's an Italian." "Oh, he's cute!" "He's cute!" "Olive skin." "He's in advertising/ copyrighting." "Me." "Basketball." "L.A. laker fan." "And he looks really Italian." "Don't you think that's nice?" " Yeah." " I like that guy." "It's me." "You're cuter." "He's in our favorites." "Let's keep looking." "This is good." "In, you know, less than an hour?" "That's true." "Like, it really gives me hope." "I definitely feel more in control of the situation." "Yeah." "I'm totally shocked, because I was so against this." "I mean, this was not something I thought would happen-- that I would be this comfortable and excited about some random stranger's sperm." "But the end is what's important." "And that's kacy and I starting a family and having a baby, and..." "We're getting there." "Is that what you want?" "Is that what you want?" "Give me--come on!" "You're right back on me." "Right back on me." "Mmm, we should close the blinds." "♪ Mmm ♪" "♪ ooh ♪" "♪ painless, I know about pain ♪" " Whew." " They're home." "I'm hungry." " Did you get tuna?" " No, Turkey." "What happened last night?" "We were out and, like, Rachel..." "Whitney's ex-girlfriend has been in town, and, like, for some reason, there's been this, like, attraction and I'm flirting with her when I'm drunk." "And like--but I didn't even know it happened." " You don't remember any of it?" " No, no." "Oh, rom..." "It was bad, I mean..." "We talked about it." "We've made up." "Like, we're past it." "But it's not okay for me to just lightly brush it off and say," ""oh, this is allowed to happen because I'm a drunk."" "No." "You have to realize having bipolar" "I mean, you and alcohol?" "Not a good-- not a good mix." "Romi, when she was 14, out of nowhere told me she was suicidal." "And I had to put her in a hospital." "And at that time, they diagnosed her with having bipolar disorder." "They said it always had been there, but it just really manifested itself when she hit puberty." "But it's been happening more..." "Consistently, and I'm waking up, and I'm like," ""I'm fuckin' scared."" "And the only way to prevent it is to not be drinking right now." "But it's like I am 29 years old." " Yeah." " I need to, like, move forward?" "Are you gonna do, like, a.A.?" "Are you gonna" " I don't wanna do a.A." "I think it's gonna take a lot of, like, not going out as much, just so you can get used to it." "It's unrealistic." "Like, I'm gonna go out." "Mm." "I'm gonna be around my friends." "So are you supportive of her not drinking?" "I'm very supportive of her not drinking, because I don't like the way she acts when she drinks." "She has a drinking problem too, but that's for her to figure out." "You know what I mean?" "Like..." "That's her own journey, her own path." "I don't think I have a drinking problem." "Well, then there, so she doesn't have one." " I don't." " I mean, I think you do." "'Cause I love you, I'll tell you that." "'Cause I've seen how much you can drink too." " Yeah." " You can put a lot down." "Yeah, I know." "So then she can drink and..." "Do her thing." " Do you have concerns?" " Yeah, major concerns." "It's gonna suck." "Like, honestly." "♪ ♪" "Oh, so what do you think about this?" "Oh, that looks good." "And then I just add namiwave llc, parentheses, namiwave." "Com is a blah blah blah blah blah." "Then the first time that I actually mention the DVD-vending business is down in the position." "Yeah, that's good." "Yeah." " Okay." " Perfect." "I told you, like," "Claire's still staying with me." "So I don't know..." "Less stressful to be here." "I just don't get it." "I just don't get what..." "Is going on, like..." "You know what I mean?" "Like, don't tell me you love me and then act..." "Crazy." " Well, she knows that-- I mean, you know, she keeps on saying that she wants to..." "To, like, get back together with you, right?" "Which is total lies." "A total lie." "Like, last night, she was video chatting with Vivian." "That's really not trying to work things out with someone." "No." "That's like stringing both parties along." "Like, you can't try to figure something out when you're still wavering." "And I'm not-- I'm not interested in that." " Yeah." " It's toxic." "It's a very toxic relationship." "And I don't know why we still continue this." "It's like you either need to..." "Go with your girlfriend or not." "♪ ♪" "♪ so I'll hang on to you ♪" "There's lighters galore sprinkled about..." "Illustrating our very healthy lifestyle." "I feel like Cleopatra here." "I'm just gonna do this." "So are you tired?" "Yeah." "I'm exhausted." "I feel like..." "I'm just worn down." "I mean, have you talked?" "Have I talked to her?" "Um..." "Briefly." "But she was still illustrating the same points of denying everything and just..." "Trying to reiterate the fact that she loves me, and she doesn't understand why I'm not believing her." "You know, you don't have to sort everything out right now." "No, I know." "I'll just start a 12-step program..." "S.A., Saras anonymous." "Ohh." "Sorry." "I don't see you vulnerable a lot." "And I feel like right now you're really vulnerable." " No." " Yes, you are." "I mean, you are, a little." "Like, you can't help it." "Yeah." "I'm a dainty flower." "Well, you can be, actually." "It's just, like, fucked up, because her life is very much intertwined with mine." "Oh, no, I don't know what that's like." " I know." " Not at all." "Right." "I mean, how are you feeling with me being out here?" "I mean, I feel good about you being out here." "Yeah." "I surprisingly feel totally zen." "I feel fine too." "I don't know what's going on, but I feel so fine with everything." "Yeah." "I'm glad that we are communicating." " Yeah, me too." " You know?" "Me too." "Rachel has been here for a few days now." "And, honestly, it's much more pleasant than I thought it would be." "I was a little nervous coming in--I'm not gonna lie." "Like, she has a history of being a little intense." "But now she's here." "And things are actually good." "Like, she's much more laid-back, and I'm pretty much done with Sara." "So if I'm single and she's single," "It could happen." "Frannie, let's just sit here and talk." "Francine had a late night at work." "And so she walked in, and she was not happy, from the get-go." "Don't be an asshole." "Why is it that you feel like I'm such an asshole?" "Because you came here to work things out." " I've tried and" " You've tried, Claire?" "You were an asshole the entire time." " I can't speak a word-- I can't speak unless you speak for me." "Wow." "Francine, both of you know what I'm doing, so therefore-  so that's why I'm taking myself out of the situation, because I don't need to wait around for an asshole like you" "that makes me feel like shit about myself all the time, because I have been stuck in that for so long, and I am really hard on myself, and you're even harder, and that sucks." "I'm not in love with two different people." "Why are you trying to bullshit?" "No, I am not trying to bullshit." "Why are you trying to paint me out to be such a bad person?" "I'm not painting you out to be any way." "This is how I feel about you!" "I am bad." "I did wrong." "I did you wrong." "I'm not doing this." "I'm not doing this right now." "'Cause you look at me and tell me we're gonna get married and whatever, and I believe it, and then as soon as you walk in the door, you're calling up some other chick, telling her that you love her too." "And that feels like shit." "Okay?" "Okay?" "I just feel like such the bad guy, and I hate that feeling." "She doesn't listen to me." "She doesn't hear me." "She--she just thinks of all the things that I did to her in the past." "We were each others' first serious girlfriends." "I mean, you know?" "And we made a lot of mistakes." "But it's like, I'm not the same girl, and she just won't let-- she will not let the past go." "So it's, like-- it's a hard thing to do, you know?" "But she was my first love, and I haven't given up." "And it's just--it's like I'm sad that I haven't given up, and I'm also sad that I haven't moved on." "I mean, that's why I'm here." "I'm not here-- like, if it didn't mean something, I wouldn't be here." "And it's like I've tried so hard to get over it, and I've failed so miserably." "I can't talk about it." "♪ What does it feel like?" "♪"