"Previously on Studio 60:" "Jack, the show's not going to be good on Friday." "It can't be." "Doesn't have to be good." "Just has to be on." "Wes Mandel is recovering from a heart attack, which means you two are in charge of the most valuable property this network has ever owned." "You don't take shots at Bush, you don't take shots at America." "Feel free to make fun of Hollywood." "Three American soldiers were ambushed in their truck on a road in Paktika, Afghanistan." "One of them is Mark Jeter." "He's a hostage." "My firm has offices around the world." "We consult on KR insurance." "That's "Kidnap and Ransom."" "Just for the sake of... whatever, would you be able to make a couple of phone calls and find out more?" "Yeah." "Tom Jeter." "Yes, sir." "Captain David Boyle." "I'm Mark's commanding officer at Nellis Air Force Base." "This is Lieutenant Jim Pierce." "He's our chaplain." "Do you have anyone that you can call, family or friends?" "Danny Tripp." "Is that the father?" "No, but he wants to be." "The baby's choking." "Just a little bit." "Just a little bit?" "!" "Danny." "And Jordan's blood pressure is very high so shouting isn't going to help." "Danny." "What's going on?" "Everything's fine." "Dr. Bremmer's got her in surgery." "Isn't this taking an unusually long time for a C-section?" "I don't really know." "This is my first C-section." "Excellent." "When we opened her up, we could see right away there was a deep invasion of the trophoblast" "with variable amounts of fragmentation of the cotyledons." "I don't know what any of that means." "Yeah, me neither." "Doctor?" "She's bleeding internally because the placenta's still attached." "She's bleeding internally?" "Yeah." "Isn't that..." "Is that life-threatening?" "Well, going to the corner for a newspaper's life-threatening." "Kid, I will beat you up." "She's fine." "We're gonna remove the placenta and stop the bleeding." "She's fine?" "She's gonna be fine." "She's gonna be fine?" "Yeah." "When... when would you say that's gonna be?" "Well, we started her off on a local, but now she's under general anesthesia 'cause she's at risk for seizures." "Yeah." "I hear "risk," I hear "seizure."" "Take it easy." "Go across the street, get a drink." "I can't." "I'm an alcoholic." "Bummer for you." "Yeah." "I know." "I'm gonna go back in there." "Hey." "Uh, listen, before, you know, I said some things about your age." "I made disparaging comments about your age." "You guys, you don't ever take that out on the patients, do you?" "Yeah, all the time." "Doctor..." "Danny, I'm "Jess," okay?" "Everything's gonna be fine." "There's nothing you're not telling me?" "Wait." "Yes?" "She's under general anesthesia?" "Yeah." "Isn't that dangerous for the baby?" "Oh, the baby's been delivered." "What?" "Baby's been delivered." "She's great." "The baby's been delivered?" "Yeah." "The baby's out?" "She's here?" "Yeah." "The baby's been born?" "Yeah." "All right, Jess, I-I-I said there's nothing you're not telling me." "I forgot." "You forgot you delivered the baby?" "I should have written it down." "That's me." "Where can I see her?" "Not quite yet." "She's in the NICU." "That's intensive care." "Yeah." "Why?" "She's a couple weeks early." "We want to monitor her heart rate and blood gases and keep her under a heat lamp." "But she's fine?" "Six pounds, two ounces." "She's only six..." "No, wait." "That's-that's exactly what she's supposed to be." "Get ahold of yourself." "Do you have a friend who can come down and sit with you and just help you relax?" "Danny!" "Danny!" "Sorry, we're late, but Racer X here was driving." "We hit a parking meter." "You kept shouting, "Turn left!" "Turn left!"" "Yeah, at the street." "These are the calming influences." "Okay." "I'm going to head back in." "What's happened?" "She's bleeding internally." "Why?" "There's been a deep invasion of trophoblast into the superficial muscle." "What does that mean?" "I don't know." "that at film school, but the doctor seems to think everything's gonna be okay." "Was that the doctor?" "Yeah." "That guy?" "Yeah." "What is he, 15?" "He's pretty young." "Yes, he is." "What are you making him nervous for?" "I'm concerned that Doogie Howser is working on my friend and her baby." "The baby was delivered." "What?" "Six pounds, two ounces." "I can't see her yet, but they say she's doing great." "Also, I got engaged." "What?" "You did it!" "Yeah." "What are you...?" "When?" "When did I ask?" "Yeah." "Right before she went in." "I-I asked, I gave her the ring, she said yes." "Well, I hadn't finished writing the proposal." "I know." "Which draft did you use?" "Hang on." "I didn't use any." "You ad-libbed?" "I had to." "I was working on this great marriage proposal for him." "What do you want me to do?" "The text." "You can't just wing it." "It worked." "Well, mine would've worked better." "How?" "Will the two of you shut up?" "Okay." "All right." "You asked Jordan to marry you?" "Yeah." "And you knew about this?" "Hey, I was supposed to be the Cyrano, and then he goes off..." "It was a little long." "It was weighty." "Fat-- it's called fat." "Well, you have to deliver it with..." "I will kill you both in a hospital." "You're engaged." "Yep." "And there's a baby." "Yeah." "'Cause, like an hour ago, none of that was true." "Things are moving fast tonight." "Capture:" "FRM@ÇòÇò" "What's happening with Tom?" "He's back at the theater." "I know that." "Oh." "He's with two officers" "Mark's commander and a chaplain." "Yeah?" "Yeah, news got out that it's Tom's brother, so the press is camped outside." "There's no new news out of Afghanistan?" "I think you got to take that off your plate for a few hours." "Why?" "I'm all right." "You've got enough." "She's gonna be fine." "I'm sure you're right." "But right now, she's bleeding and your stepdaughter-to-be is in the ICU, and I really think that's all you should have to think about." "You know, I hate saying this, but Harriet's right." "I can take care of everything back at..." "Let's stop calling her my stepdaughter." "She's my daughter." "She started being that the moment she was born." "And I really wouldn't mind meeting her if that isn't too much to ask!" "Easy does it." "All right, here's what I need you to do." "Go back to the theater, and try and normalize things with everybody." "Well, that's not gonna happen." "No, but the process of trying is gonna give everyone something to do." "Did you set a date?" "What?" "Did you two set a date?" "And we chose a caterer while she was in pre-op." "Women and weddings." "I know." "Go back to the theater." "All right," "I'm going back, but Harriet's staying here." "You don't need to..." "Stay here with him." "Is there anything you need from me?" "No." "Are you sure?" "What would I need from you?" "I don't know." "I was..." "Call me every ten minutes, let me know what's going on." "We need your car;" "I took your car." "My parents are in the green room with the chaplain." "I can't remember his name." "Lieutenant Pierce." "The doctor's given my mother a shot of a sedative called Atrividium." "Yeah." "My father's taking shots of a sedative called Johnny Walker Red." "All right, you can't tell me if there's a rescue mission underway." "No." "You can't tell me if you think there's a rescue mission underway." "If, in your experience..." "No." "No what?" "No, I can't tell you anything." "Even if the building weren't surrounded by reporters right now, I still couldn't tell you anything." "But Lord Almighty, kid, just how famous are you?" "Not that famous." "There's just nothing else going on tonight." "There are two wars." "Well, now they're covering one of 'em." "You got any relatives who could get captured in the Ninth Ward of New Orleans?" "You've got a strange sense of humor." "Hey, I'm not the one who went on TV a few hours ago doing "Healthy Cooking with Nicolas Cage."" "Neither am I; that's Alex Dwyer who does Nic Cage." "Which one are you?" "Which one am..." "What does it matter?" "Just making conversation." "I do Bush, I do John Edwards," "I do Donald Trump, I do whatever." "You do Muhammad." "I did tonight." "Muhammad the Thin-Skinned Prophet." "You can't be trying to tell me that my brother's up there because I made fun of Muhammad tonight." "Yeah, kid, I'm sure the Taliban watches Studio 60." "Maybe they TiVo it." "What is your job here?" "Comfort." "You're not very good at it." "I keep trying to tell them that." "There's nothing you know?" "There's a lot I know." "There's just nothing I can tell you." "Do you know how he's being treated?" "I'm sorry?" "You heard me." "I honestly didn't." "Do you know how he's being treated?" "No." "Yes, you do." "Is he being beaten up?" "It's not a good idea to engage in hypotheticals." "Yeah." "Yeah, you're right, it's probably not." "Except this isn't a hypothetical, this is actually happening!" "You want to hit me?" "What?" "If you want to hit me, it's okay." "Looking at you and looking at me, doesn't seem like it'll hurt." "I think I can use a sedative myself." "Now we're talking." "You're such a jackass." "I know." "Can you believe they made me a captain?" "Yeah, I can believe anything now." "You'll be able to see him soon, Luce." "What?" "You'll be able to see him soon." "I'd like to be able to see him now." "I know, but he's in a certain... you know, and he doesn't want to take it out on you." "He can take anything he wants out on me right now," "I'm his girlfriend." "The military guys know what they're doing." "Yeah, I can tell by the way Mark's blindfolded and in chains." "Where's Darius?" "With Tom's parents." "What are you guys doing?" "We're just surfing for information." "The conservatives didn't like the cold open." "What are you talking about?" "Leave it alone." "The Tony Snow press conference, troop surge, they didn't like it." "Show me where you are." "Luce..." "What, they're saying they didn't like it?" "Did you expect them to like it?" "No, but it was Tom's sketch and they know what's happening." "Why would they still weigh in with their opinions?" "Don't read anymore." "No, I will." "Luce, you don't want to read anymore." "Hello." "What's going on at the hospital?" "Jordan is in surgery." "She's bleeding internally, but they say she's gonna be fine." "That's all?" "No." "There's a little bit more." "Yeah." "She delivered the baby." "She delivered the baby?" "Yeah." "Two weeks early?" "Yeah, but the baby's fine." "16 pounds, two ounces." "16 pounds?" "!" "Is that not normal?" "Did she give birth to a tuna fish?" "Matty..." "Yeah?" "Six pounds." "Six pounds." "The point is the baby's fine." "She's under observation, but she's perfectly healthy and fine." "Anything else?" "No." "Matty?" "Yes." "Great news." "Danny and Jordan are engaged." "They're engaged?" "Yeah." "To be married?" "No, no, just in a conversation." "Yes, they're engaged to be married." "Whoa!" "What the hell?" "!" "Luce." "Sorry." "I..." "I told her not to read it." "Read what?" "The Angry Pajama People." "We were surfing the Net for anything about Tom's brother." "I landed on a site..." "What did she read?" ""Let's face some facts, people." ""Hollywood is a land of liberals, fags and traitors." "You reap what you sow."" "He means "S-O-W,"" "but he spelled it like a needle and thread." ""You reap what you sew, and Jeter's brother's paying the price."" "The whole site's like that." "Obviously, no one's going anywhere..." "Except for a sub-genre of posts suggesting it's all a publicity stunt to prop up our ratings." "Look, forget it." "Nobody's going home for awhile." "Danny and I think it'd be a good idea for us all to stay here and stay busy." "Good, let's start on a sketch about how well we've all been served by all those who" ""face the facts, people, Simon... and reap what they knit." Let's..." "Sorry." "I meant "reap what they sew."" "Not this week." "It's six years later." "Not this week." "And I don't think those Toby Keith patriots feel stupid enough." "Not this week." "Why not?" "'Cause he got sucked into this six years ago, and I don't want it to happen again." "And since when we do the show to make someone feel stupid?" "I didn't get sucked in." "Matt." "I didn't get sucked in," "Cal, I walked in." "Matt." "I walked in." "All right, everybody, settle down." "Settle down." "Danny and I just came back from Jack Rudolph's office." "We went there with Wes' permission to ask if we could not go on the air Friday night." "And?" "We're going on the air Friday night." "Fat ass." "Yeah, well, nevertheless, we're going on the air Friday night." "And he had rather strict instructions about content." "Like what?" "There shouldn't be any." "Seriously, like what kind of instructions about content?" "Well, you know, no attacks at Bush, no attacks at the White House." "Come on, you guys know what he means." "Let's go around the room." "Bush says the most important thing we can all do is shop." "How about Freedom Shoppers?" "Did you just hear me say we're not doing that?" "It's a new game show with Regis Philbin." "Denny..." "Who Wants To Be Free?" "Contestants would compete for the opportunity to go shopping." "All right, let's stop kidding around." "We got a show to do." "What else we got?" "Barry Bonds hit his 73rd home run." "Okay, well, that's not funny at all." "Eminem and Kim Basinger are gonna do a movie together." "When does it come out?" "About a year and a half." "Okay, well, let's wait till then to do the sketch." "What else we got?" "Deb, what are you reading?" "New York Times." "Anything?" "Karl Rove was out here." "He wants the studios to make films that are more patriotic." "Shopping and movies-- that's exactly how we won World War II." "Man, he said knock it off." "White House is making movie pitches?" "Yeah." "Okay, well, let's... save that 'cause Rudolph was pretty clear about..." "Mm, yeah, he didn't want to... ?" "...memorial service at the Pentagon this morning," "President Bush vowed to destroy terror with "every weapon in the U.S. arsenal"" "as he marked one month since the September 11th attacks." "Meanwhile, air strikes continue in Afghanistan for the fifth consecutive day and military officials say it'll be a matter of weeks, not days, before they secure" "Taliban-held regions of Afghanistan." "Weeks?" "Yeah." "It's gonna take weeks to beat these guys?" "Hey, you know what I was just thinking about?" "We should delay the season premiere until this thing is over." "We're doing okay, you and me." "We're gonna be able to run this show when Wes retires." "We're doing all right." "First of all, Wes is never gonna retire." "Second, we haven't done anything yet." "And, third, should we be talking about taking over for Wes when he's in a hospital with a heart attack?" "He had the heart attack already." "It's not a continuing condition." "You're right." "Let's raid his fridge." "How's it going?" "It's a piece in the paper about Karl Rove coming out here." "Yeah?" "Yeah, he met with a studio and network heads and reps from the guilds." "That story is three days old." "Yeah, but I just read it." "What were you reading three days ago?" "Anything that doesn't have anything to do with things we're not allowed to do this week." "I've been looking at news on J.Lo." "Anything?" "No." "No, look, the White House sent the most senior counselor to the president to LA to tell us to make more patriotic product." "As a matter of fact, that's not what happened." "He was invited out here by a couple of people, including a writer." "The writer's name is Lionel Chetwynd who's to the right of Harriet Hayes." "The other executives showed up 'cause they didn't want their names to end up on a list for not showing up." "One of those executives was Jack Rudolph." "You're making my point for me." "I have no idea what your point is." "Danny..." "There were no instructions given on content." "I'm not accusing anybody of anything." "We're all on the same side." "Then what are you saying?" "That it's funny." "What is?" "Karl Rove... in a conference room with studio and network heads trying to beat the terrorists with movie pitches." "You're talking about a sketch?" "That's all" "This is what Jack told us not to do." "No, he said it was okay to make fun of Hollywood." "In fact, he encouraged it." "Look, we went over there to his office and said we shouldn't be on the air yet." "He said no." "If we go on the air with sketches that ignore the world, then we're irrelevant." "I hate being irrelevant." "I know." "Okay, give me a first draft I can run by Wes." "Good." "Hey, Matt." "Yeah?" "Please remember that neither one of us have lives." "I agree." "What do you mean?" "Try not to get us fired." "Show's the only thing I have right now." "I don't see that changing any time soon." "I'd like to see my daughter." "You need an ID bracelet." "What's that?" "An ID bracelet." "I don't have an ID bracelet." "What am I, Joey Buttafuoco?" "A hospital ID bracelet." "HIPAA regulations." "Miss..." "Nurse." "Miss Nurse." "Just Nurse." "I'm not gonna steal the baby." "Well, that's what people who steal babies say." "They don't come into a hospital and announce their intention to steal a baby." "That's why we have strict regulations." "You're not even on the visitor's authorization list." "No one's on the visitor's authorization list." "Danny..." "She was rushed into surgery." "Says on the chart the mother was here for almost two hours before she was brought into the OR." "Yes." "That's true, but we're sitting out there waiting." "We didn't know that..." "Now if the real father..." "I'm the real father." "The biological father." "The biological father's a twerp." "Do you see him around here anywhere?" "By the way, I'm a little tweaked that he got to sleep with my fiance." "You know who I am, you know what's going on." "I'm entitled to see her." "Isn't that like a man?" "Baby's not even home yet and he's already saying what he's entitled to and how his needs aren't being met ever since the baby was born." "What are you talking about?" "!" "Okay..." "That is my daughter in the ICU." "And I want her to see that there is a big grown man who's gonna take care of her for the rest of her life starting now." "No." "It's gonna have to be starting when you get an ID bracelet." "Excuse me." "Now I'm thinking about stealing the baby." "Let me take care of this." "What are you going to do?" "I'm gonna talk woman to woman." "What did she say?" "You can't see her without the bracelet." "Good work." "She's a big fan of my work, though." "Then she'll be disappointed when I fire you." "You want a Mento?" "Could you get some news on Tom?" "You're not supposed to be thinking about that." "Get some news on Tom!" "You know with the baby, if you shout like that..." "Get some news on Tom." "Better." "Is it okay to smoke in here?" "Uh..." "You and your brother sure took... different paths." "Yeah." "Which of you is the black sheep?" "Me." "He's a good engineer." "I know." "We, uh..." "we repaired an airstrip outside Kabul together on his first tour." "It was..." "January, 10 degrees, 40 mile per hour winds." "We just wanted to get the hell out of there." "But he convinced me we had to stay another day." "He said if the water to cement ratio wasn't lowered, then another team would just have to come back in six months and do it again." "He said he didn't want some kid put in danger because he'd laid lousy cement." "Yeah." "How you doing, my brother?" "Why is everyone still here?" "Oh, nobody's going anywhere until you're out of the woods." "Your mom's asleep." "They shot her up with a couple hundred cc's of something." "And your dad was asking, so I had somebody take him over to a chapel with that, uh, Lieutenant Pierce, the chaplain." "Thanks." "There's wall-to-wall news on TV and no information." "What's going on?" "Is... is there a negotiation, is there a rescue mission?" "Is the Red Cross involved?" "Is the UN involved?" "What's happening?" "I can't tell you that." "Why the hell not?" "Well, for one thing, I don't know who you are." "I'm Simon Stiles, I'm a cast member here." "I'm his best friend, and I'm the guy who' talking to you right now." "Well, I guess that's enough to clear you for classified information." "Look, chief..." "It's captain." "And don't front off with me." "I'm not in show business, and I'm not from the hood." "What is he here for?" "Comfort." "All right, quiet down." "Listen up." "There's been a lot of rumors flying around, but chances are whatever you think you know is wrong, so here it is." "There's no new information on Tom's brother." "Jordan's still in surgery, but Danny says everything is fine." "She delivered-- six pounds, two ounces." "Not 16 pounds, which would be too many... pounds." "She's a healthy, beautiful baby girl." "Danny's seen her?" "No." "You just said she was beautiful." "We assume these things, Alex." "Is there anything else?" "No." "Matt?" "Oh, uh, Jordan and Danny are engaged." "And that is all the information." "Why are there pieces of a computer lying on the floor?" "I threw it against the wall." "Okay." "The Nocturnal Nut Brigade came after Tom on the Internet." "The Pajama People?" "Yeah." "Don't worry about it." "Here's what we're going to do." "Danny wants us to stay together and stay busy, so Cal and I thought it'd be a good idea to do the Sunday postmortem now," "Friday night, which is now Saturday morning." "You want to do it now?" "Yeah, so, let's go from the top." "What did we do wrong tonight?" "Well, I said "Live from Studio City on the Sunset Strip."" "Yes, and you know the name of the show is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." "Yes." "And you know this because you've been announcing the show for 20 years." "Yes." "Okay, that's done." "What's next?" "Matt?" "Yeah." "If the baby's been delivered, why is Jordan still in the OR?" "She's bleeding, 'cause of the thing..." "The placenta." "Yeah." "She has placenta accreta." "Well, Danny says it's not serious." "It's not serious." "My wife had it." "That's why I'm asking why Jordan is still in the OR." "She's been in there for two hours, Matt." "Well, Danny says..." "There's something they're not telling Danny." "Something's going wrong." "All right..." "All right, the show announce," "Studio City..." "That's gonna haunt me." "It's been 20 years, you were due." "At 1:22 of the show clock, we had a four second sound drop, beginning with Tom's line," ""The President has always held this will be a long fight."" "We'll match sound from the dress for syndication." "You think she's been in there too long?" "I'm not a doctor..." "Excuse me." "Yeah." "What's going on?" "Hang on." "I'll call you back." "How is she?" "How is she?" "Relax." "Matt, I'm gonna tell you how she is, but I'm gonna use some words that sound worse than they are." "Go ahead." "Jordan was completely repaired and we felt confident that she could sustain future pregnancies." "She was completely repaired?" "She went into shock when we wheeled her into..." "What happened?" "recovery." "She went into shock?" "Take it easy." "Her clotting factors were consumed exponentially during the initial bleeding." "That means that her body can't stop itself from bleeding at the initial incision site." "So what do you do?" "Well, we closed her up, but what's developed is DIC which is disseminated intravascular coagulopathy." "That's a scary way of saying that she won't clot." "Yeah, it worked." "I'm scared." "Don't be." "The head of Hematology's in charge now, he's administering drugs he as confidence in." "Is she conscious?" "Yes, but extremely groggy, and we're going to keep her that way in case we have to open her up again." "Danny, I promise you that I will let you know when to panic." "These are post-op complications, we're going to be out of the woods by sunrise." "Is there anything that I can do for you?" "They won't let me see the baby." "Annette?" "Yes, sir." "Get him a damn bracelet." "I can't do that, Doctor." "Then at least let him stand outside the NICU." "Let's go for God's sake, come on." "Give us a few minutes." "Did he seem nervous to you?" "No." "Matt..." "So, what's going on?" "It's all going to be okay." "Yeah, I know it is." "What's going on?" "They're taking care of her." "Andy said that with what she's got, she shouldn't be in surgery this long." "There were complications." "All right, I'm coming back there." "No, stay where you are." "I need to know Tom's gonna be okay." "What are the complications?" "They can't get her to stop bleeding." "It's not a big deal." "It's gonna be fine." "Matty, he says it sounds scarier than it is." "All right, I'll be right here." "Stay there." "Is there press?" "Do I need to ask?" "They've got us surrounded." "We're bunkered in." "They want a shot of Tom." "Well, at least it's a render that we never quite finished the first war." "I don't think Tom needs any reminding." "Keep calling me." "I will." "Keep calling me." "15 minutes goes by without me hearing from you," "I'm driving over there with a police escort." "Where are you getting a police escort from?" "I will commit a crime and lead them in a high-speed chase if I have to." "I am not kidding around." "All right." "Harry, you can look all you want, but you're never gonna find a guy better than him." "Let's go wash your hands and face." "You're gonna meet your kid." "I'll be back in just a couple of minutes." "Cal, Andy, keep running the postmortem." "All right." "This one is on me." "I blew a camera cue." "Where?" "I'm still on "Tony Snow." I couldn't snap." "You couldn't snap?" "There was popcorn with butter, and I couldn't snap." "They didn't hear me call it right away." "Moving to 7-B." "Uh, I'd to stay on "Tony Snow" a second." "All right." "What do you have?" "It was wrong." "What?" "The sketch, it was wrong." "You don't think we should have opened with it?" "No, I'm fine opening with it, but the sketch was wrong." "The premise was Press Secretary paints a rosy picture." "Yeah." "That's what Press Secretaries are paid to do." "The targets of comedy should have been the people who are buying it." "Not a lot of people buying it anymore." "Yeah, anymore." "That bandwagon's lightened up a little bit since the old days, and I think the comedy's in the people who broke their ankles jumping off." "All right, noted." "What did Matt mean when he said he walked into it?" "What?" "You said Matt got sucked into it the first time, and he said he walked into it." "Okay, so, a slate, maybe an offscreen V.O." ""Holly Hunter screen test for Silence of the Lambs."" "ALEX (as Hannibal Lecter):" "What became of your lamb, Clarice?" "I don't know." "I didn't have any food, any water, it was very, very cold." "I thought if I could save just one..." "You know this actually sounds like Jodie Foster." "I know." "Uh, keep going." "I thought if I could save just one, but he was very, very heavy." "Now it's Colonel Sanders." "That wasn't Colonel Sanders." "Okay, then it was Colonel Sanders' mother or something." "All right, uh, rough cut away to a new slate, also probably with an offscreen V.O.," ""Holly Hunter screen test for Gladiator."" "My brother had Gracchus arrested." "We daren't wait any longer." "We must leave tonight." "Your servant Cicero will be waiting there with horses." "Let me try that again." "Your servant Cicero will be waiting there with horses..." "Can I help you?" "Uh, can you give us a minute?" "I, uh, read ahead in the packet." "Yeah." "The Karl Rove sketch." "It's not a Karl Rove sketch." "It says "Karl Rove Sketch" at the top." "Jerry, we just name these things so we can remember what they are." "Yeah, I can change the name of it." "It doesn't matter what you name it." "There are 45 sketches in this packet." "Forty-seven." "There are 47 sketches in that packet, we're gonna do the best ten." "Come on, let's not go round and round." "We haven't even read it yet." "I've read it." "No." "Out loud." "By actors." "Does it get less inflammatory if it's read out loud?" "I don't think it's inflammatory." "Jack met with you, he told me he did." "Yeah." "And he said nothing anti-American." "This isn't anti-American." "Oh, come on, Jerry." "That's a big overstatement." "There's nothing" "...were pitching around ideas for TV series and movies." "It's mocking patriotism." "I think we get away with it because it's Hollywood." "Because it's Hollywood." "It's not mocking patriotism." "And I got to be honest with you, I resent that, and you have cut sketches of mine before and that has never been the case." "Well, I'm sorry if..." "It's not mocking patriotism," "It's mocking patriotism being good for business, which is what's happening here right now." "I really don't care how you interpret my decision, but it is my decision." "I have 12 other shows to vet." "Screw it." "Jerry." "Yeah?" "Is it your decision to make?" "Yeah." "This isn't a standards issue." "We're not saying any words you're not allowed to say." "Danny..." "Nobody's taking their clothes off or teaching anybody how to make methamphetamine." "This is content." "Call it what you want." "I think you're taking advantage of the fact that Wes isn't here 'cause you know he'd have thrown your ass out of the building" "20 minutes ago and done whatever sketch he wanted to." "I want you to assume that we are Wes and that's what's happening now." "If for no other reason than the two of you have a chance to be executive producers of this show one day," "don't do things stupidly now." "Matt?" "Yeah." "You've been standing out here." "Well, I saw you were on the phone." "The guys in London are talking to the guys in Islamabad who are talking to the guys in Kabul." "And?" "They're trying to find out some things." "Is this a realistic idea worth pursuing or is this just some..." "This is not fly-by-night." "Well, neither am I." "I'm not saying do it." "I'm saying let them find out who and what we're talking about." "Let them find out who the players are." "If all three guys are still together, if..." "All right." "How's Jordan?" "Oh, she's having some post-op complications." "Like what?" "They can't seem to stop her from bleeding." "She's got intravascular coagulation." "DIC." "You know medicine, too?" "A little bit." "Are you and Jordan close?" "Yeah." "I like her a lot." "My best friend's in love with her." "So..." "Yeah?" "By the way, they're engaged now." "Danny and Jordan?" "Yeah." "He proposed to her right before she went in for a C-Section." "He didn't use the material I wrote, but she said yes anyway." "That's great." "They're going to let him see the baby in a minute." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "I should go check..." "Matt?" "Yeah?" "Nothing." "What?" "He shouldn't..." "Forget it." "Mary?" "He shouldn't see the baby." "Danny shouldn't make a connection with the baby." "Why not?" "You know why not." "No, I-I don't." "Mary, I swear to God I don't." "If something happens with Jordan..." "Jordan's going to be fine." "If something happens with Jordan, an engagement ring doesn't give Danny any rights with the baby." "Hi." "It's okay now." "I've got your back." "Has Mark received any kind of education in this kind of situation?" "Are they taught what to do in this kind of situation?" "Yes, he's received Law of Armed Conflict Training." "That's six articles that provide a guideline for conduct in a POW situation along with the applicable rules of the Geneva convention." "But Mark's not a POW, they keep telling us so." "Well the they you're talking about doesn't know what they're talking about, but yes, he's being held by a militia." "Either way, I'm sure the Afghans have their pocket copies of the Geneva conventions in their briefcases and take them just as seriously as we did." "What's he doing up there?" "Is that Russell?" "What's he doing up there?" "Is he a friend of yours?" "No." "I mean, we worked here together for couple months." "Now you were employed at Studio 60 from...?" "They've run out of experts." "Don't listen to them, Tom." "1998 to 2002." "And you were a talent coordinator for the show?" "Well, a talent coordinator and then a segment producer." "You were Tom Jeter's boss?" "Yes." "When were you ever my boss?" "Russell, reports on the Internet say Tom and his brother, Mark, have been estranged for a few years." "What the hell?" "I think that's accurate." "What the hell is he talking about?" "Turn it off, Tom." "Do you think it was because of the war, that Tom's brother went off to fight the war?" "Well, I don't like to speculate, but, uh..." "Oh, do." "I think it's safe to say that everybody over there was pretty much against the war." "What in the hell is this guy..." "Don't listen to it, Tom." "I want that corrected." "Don't worry about it." "We're not estranged." "Don't worry about it." "We're not estranged." "We e-mail each other every..." "I want that corrected!" "Don't..." "Stop saying that;" "if we're gonna do one thing right... we're gonna do that;" "I'm going out there." "No." "I'm talking to those guys." "I want that corrected." "You can't." "Get out of my way." "You can't." "Get out of my way." "I'll go." "Tom, I'll go." "Leon Cushman's out there from the Post, okay?" "I have a relationship with him;" "I'll talk to him alone." "Tell him to fix it." "Tell him to tell everybody else." "I will." "It's fine." "George, I need you." "Yes, sir?" "Have one of your guys go out there and find a reporter named Leon Cushman." "Have them very quietly tell him to meet me-- use my name-- to meet me by the side door in the alley at the loading dock." "Manny." "Thank you." "In "Blind Date," the rewrite just didn't make it to the floor, so they were doing the old pages..." "Jeannie." "Yeah?" "I need you to come with me." "Where?" "Leon Cushman's gonna meet me on the side of the building." "There's a story out there that Tom and Mark are estranged." "Leave it alone." "Tom wants it fixed." "Leon Cushman's gonna meet me at the side of the building." "I'm gonna talk to him for half a minute, and I just want you there with me." "Sure, but why?" "Leon wants to sleep with you-- he'll do this for me to impress you." "He doesn't want to sleep with me." "Jeannie, this isn't the time to be delicate, so I'll just say there's no such thing as someone who doesn't want to sleep with you." "Is it smart to be talking to the press?" "We'll be fine." "Really?" "What are you worried about?" "A rerun of six years ago." "Secretary Donald Rumsfeld stated today that bin Laden was probably still in Afghanistan, and many Americans are wondering how close the US is to capturing him." "Yesterday, the President released a list of the 22 most wanted criminals Excuse me." "that have connections to terrorism..." "What's that?" "It's a fig leaf." "Your prop master gave it to me." "See, I've got a sense of humor, too." "No, he's got a sense of humor-- that's poison ivy." "It's fake poison ivy, and I think you meant it as an olive branch." "But what do you need?" "You know what I need." "Wes talked to Jack;" "Wes says it stays in the show." "And Jack needs you to speak to Wes 'cause you can't put the sketch on the air, and Jack can't tell Wes not to." "We think the sketch-- Wes, Matt, myself-- we think that the sketch..." "You think the sketch..." "Why not take the guesswork out of it and cut the sketch?" "It would be our preference not to be on at all, but we were turned down." "If we are going to be on, we can't ignore that there's..." "You're not ignoring it." "You've got the sketch based on the thing, the kids show..." ""Muslims Say the Darndest Things."" "Yes." "We're not doing that one." "You're cutting the Muslim sketch?" "Yes, we are, but I can't help but notice that that's not at the request of the network." "That one resonates." "It resonates?" "It pokes fun at the Taliban's brutal oppression of women and lets the country know why we're fighting." "No, it doesn't." "It's Luke Scott dumping every Muslim in the world together." "Ah." ""Ah" what?" "It's not going on 'cause it's Luke's." "We've all been there, Matt." "Been where?" "She broke up with you, she's going out with him, so you're cutting a sketch even though it resonates with Americans who are..." "It resonates if you want to endorse a pogrom." "Then change Muslims to "muftis" or "mullahs."" "Is he...?" "I don't think many Americans are taking time right now to distinguish between mullahs, muftis and Muslims." "I think if you rewrote the sketch a little bit you could make it clear that America has no problem with Muslims, only with the radical fundamentalists." "We have our own radical fundamentalists right here I can write sketches about." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Well, it's talk like that that's got us scared." "Don't be." "Thanks." "Look, I'm scared of getting blown up." "I'm scared of getting hit by a car." "I'm scared of spiders." "I'm just not scared of talk." "Tell Wes you want to cut the Karl Rove sketch." "No." "Okay, here's what we'll do." "You get the ad reps to the dress tomorrow;" "you tell them nothing." "If a lot of them have a problem with the sketch, we'll cut it." "You will?" "We will?" "We will." "Your word?" "Yeah." "Thank you." "What was that?" "I'm scared of other things." "Hey, Leon." "You asked for me?" "Do me a favor, okay?" "There's a story out there that Tom's estranged from his brother-- it's not true." "It's not close to true, and it's upsetting Tom." "Can you help us with it?" "Yeah, I'll do what I can." "Thanks." "But how is he?" "He's fine." "The point is, they're as close as I've ever seen two brothers." "They e-mail each other all the time, they talk on the phone whenever they can." "Tom and his parents live and die with..." "They followed you here?" "Hey, let me ask you one question." "Is Tom sedated?" "Who's with him?" "I'm not answering any questions." "Come on, who's with him?" "An air force captain," "Mark's commander from Nellis, uh, his parents and the entire cast and crew." "No one's left the building?" "No one's left." "Simon, is it possible that NBS let the story leak to boost the ratings?" "What?" "Come on." "Do you think NBS let it leak that was Tom's brother in order to boost West Coast ratings?" "Simon, get out of here." "Are you stupid?" "Are you simply a stupid man?" "I'm just doing my job." "How about I do my job and bust you in your head?" "Are you threatening me?" "Simon!" "You guys like making this entertainment?" "Come on, it's the Sunset Strip." "Matt." "Yeah?" "Okay." "This is potentially good news." "Trask is pretty sure the group that captured Jeter," "Valdez and Smith is led by a Taliban commander named Asadullah Rashiq." "He's come out of hiding and discovered that kidnapping civilians can help fund his heroin business." "This is what passes for good news?" "Yeah." "Because if it's him, it means there's a good chance you can buy them all back." "I think it's time you and Jack Rudolph had a talk with someone who knows what they're talking about." "Oh, God." "What?" "It was you people who helped get us into this." "It was you." "That war, it never ended." "You just lost interest in it." "Cal, what's he doing?" "'Cause like the rest of this country, you've got the attention span of a damn six-year-old." "This whole country is nothing but a bunch of idiot teenagers, and if every one of you was mowed down by friendly fire," "I'd pop a bottle of Cristal!" "Yeah, we got a whole new story."