"Subs translated ♪♪by AsifAkheirESL@teachers.org" "3 x 7 mammoths!" "You could have slipped me the answer!" "I did - with hand signals!" "Oh, I thought you were miming tiger claws." "My parents are gonna pulverize me." "Well well, microbes!" "Microbes!" "Got something for us?" "For us!" "Oh no!" "Just when my mother made me caterpillar sandwiches!" "All I have is my underpants." "So, too bad!" "Bastards!" "The wolfskin underpants, I got for my birthday!" "I'll get yelled at, for sure." "WHAT ?" "!" "I swear, Mom, I couldn't help it." "I got my underpants highjacked by some big kids." "Zizie, stop." "Not on the walls." "You're in luck, dad's been hunting." "I'll stitch something together." "Why does my father only hunt lame animals?" "Hm!" ".." "What a lovely thong, Titeuf!" "What brand is it?" "Hi, girls!" "Wow, classy!" "Is that lizard?" "Yeah." "Lizard-air-pumps." "The latest thing." "Look." "Wow, classy!" "Mega-tops!" "Tricera-tops!" "Doesn't come with hamster-o-saur underpants, though!" "..." "Let it go." "Anyway, I heard, reptile shoes make your feet stink." "Aww..." "I'm finished." "No female will ever love me." "François, wanna play footskull with us?" "I can't, I have to walk Kiki." "Oh, it must be cool to have a mammoth!" "My parents won't allow a pet." "We already have grandpa at home." "Cool ?" "!" "Are you kidding?" "I have to walk her twice a day." "Hold this while I clean it." "Ohh..." "Who's a pretty Kiki then?" "..." "Who?" "Oh, what a pretty bird!" "Look, Kiki." "Stop, you big dumb lump!" "Aaah!" "Well, well, Titeuf!" "Aren't you ashamed to be sleeping in history class!" "Aaah!" "A horrible T-rex!" "Oops!" "Copy 50 times:" "I must not call my teacher a T-rex" "Aw, now my whole evening's shot." "Sure she's mega-old, but T-rex?" "That's harsh!" "It isn't even possible." "They disappeared millions of years ago." "Teachers?" "This is Manu." "He's my best friend." "Shoulda seen your face when the teacher woke you up!" "That's Hugo, my second best friend." "That slobbery thing next to him, is Jean-Claude." "Thuper thorry for you!" "My other friends, François, Vomito  Ramon..." "Anyone got a handkerchief?" "... Puduk..." "Anybody wanna come play Play Station, at my house?" "Uh... no thanks, not me." "And there's Marco." "Hey there, little dinks." "He's not wearing his air-pump lizards" "He's not really a friend, 'cause he colludes with girls" "Not that they're all lame..." "Get lost!" "Wanna take a picture?" "Scram, big nose!" "Actually, yeah." "They're all lame..." "Except Nadia" "She's so beautiful, I want to marry her, when I grow up" "Let go of my panties!" "(Don't crowd me)" "Well, the problem is, she's still a girl." "Any progress with Nadia?" "Yeah." "She's taking her time." "Thinking it over, you know." "Did you declare your love yet?" "No, hold on." "That's not how it works." "First, I'll drive her crazy with my eye contact..." "With my attitude." "Attitude?" "Yeah, 'attitude'!" "Like so..." "Like you got a stomach ache?" "Aw, sometimes you scare me, my little Manu." "Ah!" "Gross!" "He's gonna rust her braces!" "Will you do that with Nadia?" "Are you nuts?" "We're not gonna mix our salivas!" "To each his own spit." "It's true." "It's personal." "Oh yeah..." "But when will you talk to her?" "I'll do way more than talk." "I'll send her an anonymous letter." "A what?" "A love letter, but I won't sign it." "She'll imagine lots of stuff - dreams about her Prince Charming, and all." "You're that Prince Charming?" "'Course it's me." "But she won't know because I'm 'anonymous'." "Here, look." ""You're the most beautiful girl of the universe." ""Your eyes are like stars" ""and your cheeks are like..." "Meteorites"?" ""I'll take you away on my interstellar spaceship."" "What's with the interstellar spaceship?" "It's poetry!" "You're really lame about sexual weenie stuff !" "You don't get it, but the girls love poetry." "You didn't even sign it!" "It's on purpose." "It's an anonymous letter!" "It's to make her dream!" "Dream about having cheeks as big as meteorites?" "Aww, it's a rough draft!" "I'm leaving." "You're too lame!" "His poetic neurones are all clogged up." "So, microbe..." "You got something for us?" "For us." "What's that, then?" "No, my letter!" "Give it back!" "No way." "Please." "Can you smoke it?" "No!" "My letter!" "It's mine!" "C'mon, let's split." "Those guys are 'lame puke, with crud sauce on top'." "They must've squeezed a zit and popped their brains right out." "No way!" "This is my family." "My dad, is very strong." "His work is doing research." "For a long time he re-searched for a job." "It was super complicated!" "Now, he repairs computers." "That's my mom." "I adore her..." "Titeuf, eat your spinach except when she says that." "And then, do your homework." "and when she says that too." "The mini T-rex, there, is my sister, Zizie." "Ga!" "She's a girl." "Bedtime." "School tomorrow." "Aw mom, I was almost 'Interplanetary Gut-ripper'!" "Bed, now!" "Not cool, I only had to rip off a couple more heads." "That's enough, I said!" "It's bad for you, to play mind-numbing rubbish at bedtime." "It isn't mind-numbing!" "It's the Grand Mugul!" "It's educational!" "I'm learning to exterminate Zblorgs, it's useful." "No!" "Fine!" "You'll regret it when the Mutant Apoca-slip starts." "You could have let him finish." "When it comes to authority, I can't count on you." "What's that supposed mean?" "You could let him play that video...game...thingy all night, and eat chips, if you took care of him." "153.1 00:10:31,509 -- 00:10:33,508 But today I had to do everything." "Everything?" "I must be dreaming!" "Who did yesterday's dishes?" "And your mother on the phone?" "(Level 3.)" "Again, my mother's fault !" "And the laundry?" "The shopping?" "..." "Bla, bla, bla..." "Fine, take a vacation." "I can't take it anymore, I'm suffocating!" "Just like Mugulator, if you're suffocating there's a function to to replenish your oxygen." "BED!" "My parents yell at each other, too" "My dad says it's because my mom has her period." "My dad must be having his period, too." "Doesn't surprise me." "He always loved punctuation." "Anyway, when I marry Nadia..." "You're gonna marry Nadia?" "Well... yeah!" "Hah!" "Does she know about it?" ""Does she know about it"?" "!" "She will, you big nosed sexual weiner!" "In fact it's planned for... today!" "Did you bring your letter for an 'onymous'?" "Yeah, I even improved it." "Look." "Oh, yeah." "It changes everything." "Why do you talk about toilet paper?" "What?" "Gimme that!" ""Butter, 2 liters of milk, toilet paper..." It's the grocery list!" "It's pretty special poetry." "Oh no!" "The papers must have gotten switched last night." "My mom took my letter !" "I hope she won't buy meteorite butter!" "You idiot!" "That's for you." ""Dear Manu, you're invited to my birthday party"" ""... as well as Nadia's."" "What?" "They celebrate their... birthdays together?" "That's completely retarded!" "Means I'll have to buy a gift for that other 'alien'." "Don't worry, Titeuf, you're not invited." "Not invited?" "How's that, "Not invited"?" "!" "I'm not invited  to Nadia's party." "Why?" "Maybe she forgot you?" "Forgot?" "!" "It's impossible to forget me, she sees me every day!" "I don't know." "See, it's inexplicable." "Maybe she didn't like your gag about girls' brains yesterday." "Or because last time you had a burping contest  at her party." "Or because Tuesday in the playground you yelled:" ""Girls are pure caca!"?" "Or maybe she just doesn't want you to come." "So, Titeuf, still in the land of dinosaurs?" "I don't care if she didn't invite me." "Hello!" "Wha..!" "You're all dressed up?" "Going for a walk, are you?" "Gourkuf." "Gourkuf?" "What's that, 'Gourkuf'?" "Can't you articulate?" "My Jump Rodgers poster!" "Zizie, you gotta stop eating  my stuff..." "I'm going for a few days at grandma's, sweety." "Going?" "To granny's?" "Why granny?" "Dad and I, we need some time to think." "Think about what?" "About grownup stuff." "Zizie'll come with me, but you have to stay here because of school." "OK?" "Stay with Dad." "I'll call you tomorrow." "Why?" "What's going on?" "Sometimes mommies and daddys  need to take a step back to reflect." "Why are you stepping back?" "No, no..." "You mustn't worry, darling." "Yes, but uh..." "Everything will be okay." "You're a little man now." "Don't worry, my baby." "I'm not a baby!" "No, you're not a baby." "You're a big boy." "It'll be alright." "Bye bye, my ba... my darling." "Don't worry, everything's alright." "She'll be back." "She just needs to think." "Now, we need take stock." "Do you understand?" "Uh... to take stock, will you need my Game Boy?" "Because you haven't given it back yet." "Ah..." "Does 'Ah' mean, yes?" ""Mustn't worry..." "Mustn't worry..."" "This whole thing's pretty murky." "Plus, it's dumb to go to granny's to think." "Granny never stops talking!" "I got problems too!" "Global problems about birthdays." "But, I'd never go to grandma's over stuff like that." "And I sure wouldn't swipe people's GameBoy over it!" "And wham!" "She shut the door and left." "Wow!" "You mean they'll get a divorthe?" "Not way!" "What a dummy!" "They just want to think, but... at grandma's." "Your mom may have another man in her life." "A lover." "It happens, with girls." "My mom isn't a girl anymore!" "She's my mom!" "She doesn't have lovers!" "Why wouldn't she?" "She's my mom !" "At some point, couples can't stand to look at each other." "The wanna change partners." "It's called the destruction that wasteth at noonday." "But it wasn't noon, it was 4 o'clock!" "So much for your theory!" " Uh..." " What?" "What if she read your letter... and thought it was a Nonymous who wrote it to her?" ""You're the most beautiful girl of the universe."" ""Your eyes are like stars and your cheeks are like meteorites."" ""I'll come and take you away, but not on a horse..."" ""... on my interstellar spaceship."" "Don't forget to buy ass-paper?" "It's a mega-giga-catastrophe!" "It's a miscarriage of justice!" "Come on, Titeuf!" "Come on, pass it!" "Ah!" "Tcho, Nadia. (Ciao) Sleep well?" "At least, now you're sure she hasn't forgotten you." "Ohh ..." "In my case, it was my father who left to think." "He still hasn't come back." "It was 4 years ago." "Now we live with my mother's new husband." "Yeah?" "Why would that interest me?" "I have to share my room with his 2 girls." "Aww!" "2 girls?" "Why?" "They're my half-sisters." "Your half-sisters?" "2 half-sisters, makes a whole sister." "What does that make you?" "Well, I'm their half-brother." "I've got a friend whose father remarried three times." "He's got four half-brothers and sisters." "If he got married 3 times... they wouldn't be 'half', they'd be 'third' sisters." "Oh no!" "On top of everything you gotta do math, too!" "If you become a half-brother  maybe you'll get half an invitation to Nadia's party." "Come on!" "Tonight, I'm the cook." "I'll do my cult recipe." "Even the great chefs envy me." "The Papa-burger!" "Yum!" "You think mom's new husband has daughters?" "What?" "!" "What are you saying?" "Mom doesn't... have a new husband." "She's, hm..." "Come on, we'll eat in the living room." "You know, sometimes dads and moms must take stock." "It doesn't mean they don't love each other anymore." "It's just that after many years..." "Why does he talk to me like I'm a retard?" "Isn't he in his right mind, or what?" "That's it!" "He's suffering from "the destruction that wasteth at noonday"!" "Oh no!" "We just need to step back." "Do you understand?" "Ah..." "No." "Me neither, to be honest." "Let's eat those Papa-burgers." "Papa?" "M-yeah?" "It's not so bad without girls." "Hi." "Fine." "I'll get him." "Titeuf!" "Mom on the phone." "Titeuf!" "Hm-yeah..." "Mom?" "You alright, darling?" "My little guy, you too have a lump in your throat." "It's better." "I swallowed." "Ah..." "You're doing your homework?" "Ahh... yeah..." "I was working on  division!" "When are you coming back?" "Did you do your thinking?" "Not right away, but I'll see you soon, hey?" "Wanna spend the weekend with granny and me?" "Can I bring papa?" "Daddy will stay home." "I'll explain later." "Kisses and big, big hugs!" "Put your father back on." "Oh ... don't cry, little guy." "It'll work out." "We'll see each other soon." "♪ There's a place where I'm at peace" "♪ Findin love and some relief" "♪ And it always lives inside of me" "Ciao, everybody!" "♪ When my life is emptiness" "♪ Nothing sure, lonliness" "♪ Lost along a road I can't see" "♪ You are my family" "Ciao, papa." "♪ all the branches of my tree" "Bye, Titeuf." "♪ All the notes of my songs" "♪ You are my family" "♪ The chords in the melody" "♪ You'll always keep me strong" "You crying?" "No." "'Cause your parents are divorcing?" "Not at all." "My eyes are irritated because of the homework." "It's OK, it happens." "Crying about..." "I'm not crying !" "And girls are a waste of time!" "You OK?" "Did your mother come back?" "My mother..." "My mother!" "I'm gonna spend the weekend with her." "Will you tell her you wrote the love letter?" "Tell her?" "Are you nuts?" "I'll make the letter disappear." "No letter, no Prince Charming." "Then dad's got a chance." "Yeah... maybe." "How about Nadia's birthday?" "Still no invitation." "Tho, your parenth divorthed yet?" "No, they're re-flec-ting." "Silence!" "No talking during the test." "Here's, the answers." "Read it, then swallow it." "Titeuf?" "Can you lend me your eraser?" "Aaah!" "What's going on here?" "A cheat sheet!" "Out, both of you!" "But..." "Explain it to the principal, Scoot!" "The principal's called Scoot?" "Out!" "Poor guy!" "What?" "They're going out together, he thould be pleathed." "Oh, what a lame-o!" "See that?" ""Principal Scoot", funny, no?" "I'm sorry, Nadia." "I'm a bit off at the moment." "Because my parents, might get divorced." "Really?" "It must be hard!" "Oh yeah!" "Yes, uh..." "You could say I'm undergoing a sort of family drama." "I'm 'matized' through and through." "Totally 'through-matized'." "Poor Titeuf!" "Aww, it's not easy." "Gotta hang in there." "Sometimes, you feel alone." "Goin to a birthday party would make a nice break." "Yes, I understand." "Ah... you understand?" "Move up to Level 2, Mugul soldier." "Yes!" "And my mother left." "It's a family drama." "That's why I haven't ... studied for today's test, because of my traumatization." "Hmm, I understand." "The circumstances are difficult." "But you, young lady, will be punished for cheating." "What?" "!" "You alright, Nadia?" "Leave me alone!" "Treat me nicely." "I'm having a family drama." "Drop dead!" "But... my traumatization?" "Hey, guys!" "I adopted a jellyfish!" "Hey, look!" "Anyone got a handkerchief?" "My brand new Nikes!" "You rotten...!" "Sorry." "Just wear your air-pump lizards." "Watch this, guys!" "Mega Vomit-o!" "Atomic puke eruption!" "Cosmic barf-a-rama!" "Eh..." "Morning, Mr. Principal." "He's gonna get his head ripped off." "For thure!" "Tell him I sent you." "Do it today." "We'll never see him again." "They'll put him in prison." "Poor guy!" "I won't even be punished." "The principal told my father to take me to a shrink." "What?" "They think my brain's perturbed because my mom left." "And it's not my fault if I dumped Glueblob on his head." "That's crazy!" "He says my subconscious did this." "'Cause my parents are separated." "My parents need to separate before my next report card!" "I'll work my subconscious, to death." "How doeth the thrink talk to your thubconthh..." "I heard shrinks can see inside your brain." "What?" "Yeah, the subconscious is inside your head." "They root around for it." "Oh?" "He'll open your thkull to thee you thubconthiouth." "Oh!" "To hell with your theories!" "It's all crap!" "Oh man!" "He's perturbed, alright." "You must relax, little boy." "Just relax!" "It'll be alright." "Hehehe!" "This'll sting a bit." "Aaah!" "That... that's no good." "Neither is that." "What's this thing?" "Yuck!" "Here we are!" "Hehehe." "I think we did a pretty good job." "Say something, Titeuf." "Huh?" "How do you feel?" "Uh... weird?" "Oh!" "What's that voice?" "There's your son's true subconscious personality." "He's a girl." "Oh, phew!" "Already awake?" "That's good." "Get ready to go to the shrink." "Brush your brain's teeth well!" "Nye-nye-nyah." "Titeuf, not with the helmet on!" "I'm not taking it off!" "Oh!" "Titeuf, it's your turn." "So... that's..." "Ti... teuf." "How are you, my lad?" "We were sent by the school principal." "A few days ago, my son..." "Look at all the stuff he pulled out of brains!" "He's super tough, this guy!" "Mm-hm ever since his mom and I separated." "Mmm." "Ti..." "Titeuf." "Let's start with a game." "I'll..." "Won't you remove your helmet, hm?" "No!" "Fine." "Good." "Sit down." "I'll show you some ink stains  and you tell me what they remind you of." "It's Nadia." "He figured out Nadia!" "He's too good!" "Must be a trick to soften me up." "Then crack!" "He'll open my head and photoscan my neurons!" "I won't make it easy for him!" "It reminds me of an ink blot." "Ah!" "Ah!" "Mmm..." "Why does he say "Mmm"?" "It's mom!" "Mmm..." "It makes me think of a stain." "Mmm..." "Mmm!" "Actually, it 'IS' a stain." "You need to tell me what it evokes for you." "Understand?" "Mmm?" "So, mmm?" "It's your head." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Well." "Here's your shiny bald skull your ears with hairs sticking out..." "We'll stop there for today." "Just in case..." "The third stain, that's him!" "Ok, let's go!" "I can't help it if the guy looks like a blot." "Will you take off that helmet, finally?" "Elodie?" "Hey!" "How about that!" "You look fit." "And you?" "What became of you?" "Always traveling." "In fact, I just got back." "And you?" "This is your son?" "Yes, my son, Titeuf." "We're coming from the... shrink." "Oh..." "Yeah." "His mother is gone, so..." "So.." "It's just us boys." "And you... you...?" "No." "Still single." "Ah?" "Aha!" "We could..." "Meet again?" "One of these evenings?" "With pleasure." "Here's my number." "Gotta run." "Ciao, ciao!" "Bye, Teuteuf." "Cha-chao." "Who's she?" "She's... an ex." "An ex what?" "An expert?" "An 'ex aequo' explosion?" "An exile from Thingummystan?" "An ex-girlfriend." "Did she invite you to her birthday?" "Well... yeah." "Nadia better invite me." "Otherwise she'll end up an ex-girlfriend." "Actually, she was my fiancee." "But a long time ago, before mom." "When I was young." "Her?" "!" "But she's so old!" "At the time she was young." "You kissed her on the mouth, and all?" "Well, yes." "At her birthday party?" "Well..." "Yes." "Yes, that too." "Gross!" "I swear... ..his spitting image, but as an ink-stain." "Crazy!" "Listen to this!" "Can you do this?" "[Au-clair-de-la-lune]" "[Mon-a-mi-Pier-rot]" "Piece of cake!" "Go ahead." "Do it!" "Huh, a thousand times better." "[Grand-Mugul-capitaine-des-étoiles]" "Wow!" "Classy, Titeuf!" "Uh, Nadia!" "I just had something stuck in my..." "Something you ate in the land of the T-rex." "T-rex!" ".." "Excellent!" "Such babies, with their lame games." "On account of their hormones, their brains can't grow." "It's the size of a testicle until adolescence." "My aunt says it continues to shrink afterwards." "Especially if they go in cold water." "Ohh..." "Really well done!" "You crushed Hugo in the belch-off contest." "Thanks, Manu." "How about your parents?" "My father, ran into an ex in the street." "And?" "Well, nothing." "They're still thinking." "One thinks at home and... the other thinks in the countryside, with my grandma." "Ah!" "My parents also think." "But they think together." "So, for the Glueblob caper, I got grounded two nights." "Yeah, me too." "Instead of the shrink, I had to wash dishes." "We used to have a hamster named Toto." "He got sick." "We all knew he was dying." "So we let him get away with anything." "He could screw up everything in the house." "Eat plants, gnaw on chairs..." "They even let him pee on the living room carpet without yelling at him." "Why are you telling us?" "What's the connection?" "I dunno." "I'm just saying my hamster, was like you." "He could do anything without ever getting punished." "Like the President." "What about the President?" "Same thing." "He can pee on the palace carpet and nobody says anything." "It's called Presidential Immunity." "Presidential 'Humidity' means peeing on the palace carpet?" "That's baloney!" "In Toto's case, he was dying." "What if THAT was it?" "What if you were going to die?" "And that's why adults are so nice to you!" "That's too horrible!" "I'm gonna die!" "Wait, it's not for sure." "I didn't mean it like that." "You're not a hamster." "If you die for real," "Can you leave me your Game Boy cartridges in your will?" "I have to know." "If I'm gonna die, I wanna be sure." "Yeah." "That way, you'll have time to sort your cartridges." "What are you... ?" "Something wrong with your head?" "Are you out of your mind?" "Go fetch a cloth and clean that up!" "And no TV for 2 days!" "Yes!" "He'd never do that to a condemned man!" "I..." "I'm putting on my pajamas." "And, I... oh!" "Meanwhile, I'm testing the elastic, ouch!" "... of my underpants." "I have to talk to the psychiatrist." ""Doctor, my son's fine..."" ""...he just pissed on the living room rug."" "Oh... that looks good." "What is it?" "Guacamole." "But it's not for you." "For you, there's pizza!" "In your room." "Who's the what-amole for, then?" "I have a guest." "Why can't I eat whatchama-mole with you and the guest?" "Because it's a dinner for grown-ups." "Which grown-ups?" "Your father and a... friend." "Here, go on." "Mmm!" "Bon appetit." "Hi!" "Hi!" "The ex-fiancee that dad kissed on the mouth for her birthday!" "If it works out, she'll live here with her daughters!" "Titeuf, come say hello." "That's for me!" "Yes, for a change." "Hello, Titeuf?" "Manu, I've got a big problem." "It's the girl from the other day." "The ex-young fiancee who got old." "She's here." "She's eating with my dad." "I wonder if she's trying to replace my mother." "Oh, calm down!" "They may just wanna talk about the good old prehistoric times when they knew each other." "If it's just to talk, why would dad light candles?" "Yikes, don't panic!" "Look at her clothes." "What color are they?" "What the hell does it matter?" "One of mom's magazines, I read in the toilet." "Explains what clothes to wear for flirting." "Hang on, I'll get it." "Ok, I've got it." ""Which 'Look' Will Seduce Him?"" "Go ahead." "What clothes?" "The girl's wearing a skirt." "Pretty short." "And a blouse with a hole at the top." "A cleavage." "Ah..." "Which color?" "Um... gray and brown." "Gray and brown?" "Oh, it's OK." "It's what they wear for a job interview." "She wanna work with your dad?" "I dunno, but there's lots of skin!" "Arm skin, leg skin..." "Skin above the nipples." "She's mostly skin colored." "What's it say about that?" "It's not good." "It means she's in 'total seduction' mode." "How's your dad dressed?" "In his black shirt and he put his shoes back on." "He's not wearing pants ?" "!" "'Course!" "He put his shoes back on." "Before he had his slippers." "Ah!" "What does that mean?" "Dunno, but I think it's serious." "Don't leave them alone!" "Fine, I'm going in!" "You don't forget that!" "You're so silly!" "Has Isa had her ear operation?" "Yes, but not just her ears." "Here's stuff to eat." "Madame must be hungry." "You already know Titeuf." "He's cute." "Papa, does this lady have daughters?" "No." "I have no children." "Ah!" "And now, you're too old for it." "You here to help my dad think?" "OK, that's enough." "Go to your room." "Watch out, papa!" "She's dressed in titty skin, In order to get hired!" "She wants to become an ex, ex." "Watch out!" "I don't know where he gets that stuff." "Me neither." "He obviously needs some authority." "It's just kid-talk." "Better laugh it off." "If it makes you laugh, then, laugh alone!" "But..." "I'll go get "hired" elsewhere!" "Want some chicken, Titeuf?" "I put on my brown pajamas." "Wanna hire me?" "Yeah, why not." "♪ Girls can't play with Lego" "♪ They can't make motorbike sounds with their mouths" "♪ They can't make noise with their derrieres" "♪ What use are they?" "♪ Girls can't appreciate TV" "♪ They don't understand karate movies" "♪ During football matches, they forget to cheer" "♪ Oh, what a pity!" "♪ What use are they?" "♪ What use are they?" "♪ Girls lock themselves in the bathroom" "♪ With all kinds of ointments" "♪ About which I know nothing" "♪ Girls never stay long with me" "♪ I don't know why." "And then the lady left." ""I'll get hired elsewhere" she said." "Zoom!" "Splitsville!" "Your dad invited her to thmooch." "For thure." "No, it was for dinner." "He made chicken." "Oh, thure, thicken." "But then "Oh yeth, yeth, yeth!" On the thofa!" "Stop that!" "My dad's not a pervert." "He likes chicken." ""Oh yeth, oh yeth!"" "Will you shut up?" "!" "Thon of a pervert!" "Shut up, gaunch-face!" "You're lucky I'm out of shape!" ""Oh yeth, oh yeth, oh yeth!"" "They ate chicken!" "Thicken with thpermatozoids!" "You're so dumb..." "The only good thing about divorced parents... is you get a stepmother, AND a stepfather... who BOTH want you like them." "So, they give you gifts." "Tons of gifts" "Mega ballocks !" "You fired your future stepmother." "Don't complain if she buys you a barbie or an educational toy." "A Playstation?" "Ah?" "It's..." "It's made of wood." "Excellent early-learning game." "Recommended for... developing motor functions and hand co-ordination  of badly raised children!" "Forget the stepmother!" "You can still repair the damage with your parents." "How?" "Tell your mother you wrote the love letter." "And she has no secret lover." "Oh... she won't like that." "Well, no." "But you've got no choice." "Ok." "I'll do it." "How about Nadia?" "Still not invited?" "No." "She'll take her time, think it over." "She doesn't know what she wants." "You think she'll visit her grandma in the country?" "What's going on?" "Sandrine's gonna show us her boobs!" "Can I see them?" "One euro per person." "One euro?" "You're not a top model, y'know!" "You can see naked top models on any billboard." "For MY titties, it's one euro." "Otherwise, go play marbles with your pals." "No, he's happy to pay." "Anyway he sucks at marbles." "You, scram!" "I can pay in homeopathic, anti-nausea pills." "Scram!" "Your loss." "They're really effective." "OK, ready?" "Feast your eyes!" "Ohh!" "That's cheating!" "You don't have any tits!" "Give me back my euro!" "What a lame-ass!" "It's true, she ripped us off!" "Her tits are no bigger than mine..." "Look." "It's because you can't see inner beauty." "One must know HOW to observe." "You're all totally retarded!" "There's no inner beauty under Sandrine's sweater." "She just swindled us out of 4 euros." "There WAS inner beauty." "You don't know anything." "That's why you're not invited to Nadia's party." "I bet that's why your mother left, too." "Don't talk nonsense!" "My mom HAS boobs!" "Forget it, you're too lame!" "Hey, Nadia!" "Wanna play a game?" "If it's about burping and eating boogers..." "No!" "Wait, it's a psy-ecological game." "You look at ink stains then you guess what it evokes in your internal brain." "Plus, it lets you see into your subconscious." "Watch carefully." "Careful ..." "Oh!" "Aah!" "Wow!" "Your subconscious trick's real neat!" "I can make out Nadia's hand." "Oh... it's not fair!" "Remember, get off at Bregogne." "Why didn't mom come to pick me up?" "She'll be waiting for you there." "You're a big boy now, right?" "OK, time to go." "Got your ticket?" "Your bag?" ".." "I'll be OK, dad." "You're a big boy now, hey?" "I'll pick you up Sunday." "Get off at Bregogne, hey?" "You're aboard train # 6,458" "Eh... thank you for respecting the quiet time." "Eh..." "Please make your phone calls outside the compartments." "Can you hear me?" "Hello?" "Fifi!" "I've seen the miles slip by." "859.1 00:48:15,900 -- 00:48:17,522 It wasn't always easy." "Bounced between parents..." "thrown into wagons." "Alone on the road." "Yeah ... ♪ The rails slippin' by" "♪ Have worn out my eyes" "♪ I live nowhere and that's probably wise" "♪ This train I'm on won't stop no more" "♪ I bet my life on it And I lost it all" "♪ The train rolls on and takes you along" "♪ The screeching wind rips you from the night" "♪ Leave your doubts behind" "♪ Your certainties too" "♪ Hang on, kid The road is your only friend" "♪ I been through so many towns in the fog" "♪ Left a lot of girls in tears on station platforms" "♪ I got nothin' left 'cept my guitar" "Yeah!" "♪ A pair of worn out boots and black sunglasses" "Hmm?" "Bregogne." "Two minutes stopover." "♪ The road is your only friend" "My sweety!" "Well Titeuf, had a good trip?" "Wasn't too long?" "Too long ?" "!" "It's never too long, when the road is your only friend." ""Your only friend" What's that?" "More of your nonsense!" "Do your eyes hurt?" "No, no." "His eyes hurt because you let him play that Game thingy too much." "These girls are so lame!" "Where did she put it?" "It's a worse mess than my room !" "Looking for something, Titeuf?" "What?" "Ah... no." "Nothing, grandpa." "Just checking to see if mom had found my..." "Everything goes missing in this house." "I can't remember where I put my glasses." "Priddy pitcher!" "Yeah." "Real "priddy pitcher", Zizie." "But I got stuff to do." "I'm on an important mission." "I..." "Priddy!" "My love letter!" "Where'd you get that?" "What are you doing?" "Give her back her paper." "But Mom, it's..." "Come on, Titeuf!" "It's an old shopping list I had in my bag." "Mom!" "Did you read..." "this shopping list?" "What does it matter?" "But mom!" "Where did Zizie get it?" "Who cares!" "So your cheeks, have never been meteorites?" "Huh ?" "I meant to say..." "You didn't read it?" "You watched too much TV." "The countryside will clear your head and do you a power of good." "I'm off the hook !" "So then... why did she leave?" "Grandma?" " Yes." "Why did mom leave?" "Oh lala!" "That's grown-up stuff." "You know, sometimes, we need a little distance... to realize that..." "we still love each other." "What does that mean?" "You mean they can't see well close up, like Manu?" "In a way, yes." "Manu could lend them his glasses." "No, that won't work." "What's for dinner?" "I'm making mashed potatoes." "Yuck, mashed potatoes again!" "Always mashed potatoes!" "It's good for you, and it's easy to chew." "Can't we have fries for a change?" "Tell yourself they ARE fries." "Except, limp." "Uh... ok." "I can also tell myself I'm married to Monica Bellucci." "Except limp!" "Oh sure!" "Monica Bellucci would marry an old whiskered dinosaur!" "You used to like my mustache." "As you say, I used to, once." "Mashed potatoes, make you nasty." "What are you saying?" "And deaf too!" "I couldn't understand him even when he had teeth." "I've had it !" "I'll go talk to my zucchini!" "Yes, dear." "Go commiserate with the other vegetables." "Crap!" "Pfff... even with glasses it seems really hard being an adult." "Come see, Titeuf!" "Hmm...?" "Look, how beautiful !" "All this nature!" "Yeah..." "It's really great, mom." "Can I go watch Mugulator?" "Just admire the beauty." "You won't see this in Mugulator." "Yeah, fortunately..." "When I was little, I thought I'd spend my whole life here." "With the cows, the chickens.." "And then you chose daddy?" "Are you done thinking?" "I need more time to know where I am, Titeuf." "Don't you love papa, anymore?" "I don't know." "So, you prefer the chickens?" "No." "You gonna get a new husband?" "It's not a question of that." "You're lousy at oral exams." "Who's the man of your dreams?" "Titeuf..." "Come on, mom, tell me!" "The man of my dreams, for now, is Fido." "Voila, what horror!" "My future stepfather is a dog!" "Is it really worth all this taking stock?" "What'll become of me?" "A dog!" "How classy!" "Nadia, I want you to meet  my parents." "Grown-ups are such lame-os!" "Why do you give a shit about my prob lems?" "What a powerful smell !" "What did you do?" "Nothing." "I talked to a cow." "A cow?" "You should tell your shrink." "Yeah, yeah..." "Did you find a new wife?" "What?" "She's not a bitch, I hope." "Watch your language !" "What do you think?" "This weekend, I cleaned the apartment, did the laundry..." "Aw, grown-ups!" "Suit yourselves!" "I only have 5 days before Nadia's birthday." "Next!" "Next." "I'm not in good shape, lately, since my mother left." "My father too, is away." "That's no reason to suck at gym!" "Whoa!" "She mega-slammed you!" "Go on, try again." "Show her!" "I don't feel like it." "Not today." "Come on!" "What did Nadia say?" "My father too, is away." "My father is away." "Away." "Her father's gone!" "Aww!" "You alright?" "Super-well!" "I have a plan." "An uber-giga-top, super-balls-up plan!" "A plan to get invited?" "Even better." "To get invited... .." "... and to live with Nadia." "I don't believe it!" "You're going to live with Nadia?" "It's not official yet." "So, hush!" "Being a child of a broken home it'll do me good to find stability in love." "Wow Whoa!" "You gonna kithh her with your tongue?" "Whoa!" "Watch it!" "With tongues, you can't be shorter than the girl." "Otherwise her drool dribbles into your mouth." "Yuck!" "Stay a little above her." "Or keep your mouth shut tight, like this." "Oh, I know all that." "Tho what?" "You wouldn't dare kithh a girl!" "I kiss better than you!" "Oh, yeah?" "Thow uth!" "Can I try, too?" "Get lost, Vomito!" "Oh yeah, I'm gonna kiss you, Nadia!" "Yuck!" "I hope her mouth smells better than that." "You ready, Manu?" "Let's go." "Oh!" "Who wet my sock?" "I swear, you gotta do it, she really needs your help!" "How do you expect me to help Nadia's mother with the birthday party?" "You could open packets of chips, or bottles." "You're sure, she asked?" "Not, 'ask', as such..." "But I sensed that..." "More of your imagination." "Papa, please!" "Do it and you save my life!" "Oh, alright." "Oh, thank you, thank you..." "Thanks, papa!" "How do you know your dad will like Nadia's mom?" "He has to like her." "It's 'gene-kicks'." "What if she doesn't like him?" "I'll put on some music." "In the movies there's always music, when they fall in love." "Yeah, that's right." "Will you lend me your CD player?" "Pfft !" "Come on, it's a question of life and death!" "OK, but don't break it!" "And your girly CDs." "I don't have girly CDs!" "Sure, you do!" "It's not girly." "It's the 'Best of' Clara Princess." "Alright, then " " Clara Pinch-ass." "You gonna invite me over, when you live with Nadia?" "Sure!" "Papa, you ready?" "For what?" "To go meet Nadia's mom !" "Ah..." "Yeah, yeah." "OK, let's go." "Wait, you can't go like that!" "How do you mean?" "Get changed!" "We're not taking out the garbage!" "We're going to see my future..." "Oh, calm down." "I'll get dressed." "What are you lugging?" "It's for mood setting." "Never mind." "Oh hello, Titeuf." "Hello, sir." "Good evening." "Uh, Titeuf said..." "Pork prices are up." "The Minister..." "I'm here for the Nadia's birthday." "Titeuf told me you need..." "1085.1 01:01:13,300 -- 01:01:15,100 ♪ She's hot, she's hot!" " ♪ ..." "...help organizing the party" " ♪ ..." "That's kind of you." " ♪ ..." "I'll talk to her friend's mom." "They're celebrating their birthday parties together." "I'll call her." "Oh no, not Dumbo's mom!" "Anyway, it's very nice of you." "See you soon, then." "See you soon." "Come on!" "Turn that music off." "Shut up!" "It's disgusting to do that!" "What if your mom wants to get back with your dad?" "No way!" "My mom wants to think." "Anyway, she'll find another husband, that's all." "If she loves Fido, she has a right." "Fido?" "Your mother's marrying a guy named Fido?" "It's a dog's name!" "Hold on!" "It's not his real name, it's a 'pseud-nonym'." "In fact, he's a well known movie actor." "Wow!" "Whoa!" "What has 'Fido' acted in?" "In... uh... in..." "Yeah, okay!" "He's an unknown!" "An unseen, nobody!" "No way!" "He played in  Terminator." "Terminator?" "!" "That's Schwarzenegger, moron!" "That's him!" "Calls himself Fido to be left alone." "Get it?" "Let's say you're right and your father puts a 'spermatozomid' in Nadia's mom you thought of that?" "Uh..." "You'll have a little sister  with Nadia's face and your wick!" "And your mother will have a baby with Schwarzenegger!" "What a family!" "Horrible!" "Your mom'th gonna marry Thwarthenegger?" "Can we get free movie tickets?" "Sure, you may even get a role in Jurassic Park 5  with your Velociraptor mug!" "And you can marry a movie thtar, who playth Frankenthtein!" "Don't let the space Zblorgs crush you!" "Looking for a gift for me?" "Uh..." "A g... g..." "A gift?" "Uh..." "Didn't Nadia tell you?" "She decided to invite you to OUR birthday party." "Because your dad was so nice." "Really?" "Actually, her mother thought he was nice." "Very nice...!" "Is that so?" "'K, bye." "I hope you're as generous as your father." "Move up to level 3, Mugul soldier." "Yes!" "I did it, I'm invited!" "It worked!" "The music, my dad, everything!" "You're too much!" "Yeah!" "The problem is, now I gotta buy a gift  for that mutant from Planet Radar." "Yeah... .. and for Nadia." "That's right!" "What did you buy them?" "I bought'em one 'Jolly Pony' sock, each." "Since they're combining their birthdays, they can share one gift." "Yeah, not bad." "What'll you buy for Nadia?" "I'll buy her a necklace, like in those American movies." "Get her a choker, and the girl is yours." "Wow!" "Like dogs?" "Exactly." "What?" "Don't you wanna buy new shoes?" "No, why?" "Ah... nothing." "No touching!" "No problem." "I want that one." "That's 18-carat gold, my boy." "It's a bit expensive, you know." "Nothing's too expensive for Nadia." "Ah..." "How much?" "850 euros." "Do you have it in 18-carat plastic?" "Tsssttt!" "Even with fewer carats?" "There, we can find something within your budget." "[ JOKE SHOP ]" "You think so?" "Sure." "Girls like humor." "Hmm yeah..." "And mystery!" "Manu, look at this!" "Wow!" "And it's perfumed, too!" "That's class!" "She'll open the package, and be blown over!" "That's for sure." "And then you declare your feelings." "Declare?" "You gotta say "I love you" or stuff like that." "Otherwise girls don't understand." "She won't understand with a necklace?" "No!" "Bring out the heavy artillery!" "Caress her ear, wink your eye, the whole deal." "Caress her ear?" "Yes, like in the movies." "The ear's really sensual." "Really?" "Dumbo must be hyper sensual, then." "Ah..." "I guess." "Remember to get a gift for her too." "What about a CD?" "Are you nuts?" "They cost a fortune!" "I'm not going bankrupt for her." "I don't know what she likes, for starters." "'Greg Lover' or 'Richie Amor'." "Girls love that stuff." "How do you know?" "So, I've been told." "Mmm ..." "I hope she'll listen to it, at this price!" "With those ears, she should listen very well!" "It's a good investment." "So, microbes?" "Got something for us?" "Heh!" "Microbes!" "What's in there?" "This time, they won't get my underpants!" "What?" "Run, Manu!" "♪ James Bond lives down our street" "♪ I've seen him he catches the 32 bus Oh, oh!" "Oh, oh, seven" "♪ James Bond lives down our street" "♪ Sometimes he sits on the back seat with us On the bus, On the bus, with us" "♪ He's got a gun strapped to his chest" "♪ You can't shoot him in a bullet proof vest" "♪ A clever lad but can be a pest sometime" "♪ Oh, oh, seven." "James Bond lives down our street" "What's that bag?" "Gifts for the girls." "What did you buy?" " Ahah!" "I'm not telling." "But it's hyper sensual stuff." "No girl can resist it!" "Come on, what is it?" "If I tell you, you'll throw your gifts in the trash." "And cry." "Pffft!" "I thought about your plan  with your father and Nadia's mother." "It's not, at all, a good plan." " Oh?" "If your dad marries Nadia's mom, it means Nadia will be your half-sister!" "I know." "So what?" "You can't marry your half-sister." "Why isn't it possible?" "Because it's just not done." "It's for-bid-den!" "What?" "You just say that because you're jealous!" "I already have a sister!" "Zizie!" "And it's more than enough, I can tell you." "Well then, you'll have 1.5 sisters!" "And you're not allowed to marry the 'point five'!" "Take that, Mr. Sensual!" "You're jealous!" "Because you got rotten gifts!" "And you don't even have 0.5 sisters!" "You're not allowed to marry her!" "Hohhh..." "You're not allowed to marry her!" "You're not allowed to marry her!" "You don't even have 0.1 sisters!" "Not even 0.01!" "Titeuf?" "Titeuf?" "You coming, Titeuf?" "Your sister has something to say." "Uh..." "Sister?" "Yes." "She wants to introduce her boyfriend." "No, no, it's not fair!" "Why me?" "What the...?" "Aaahh!" "Sleep well, Titeuf?" "I'm off to your friend's mom to set up the decorations." "See you there, soon." "Wait, dad!" "Don't..." "It's not a good idea." "I don't want to be Nadia's 'point five'." "Don't go!" "Think about it, dad!" "There'll be Jean Claude's drool and Dumbo's mom's dry cakes." "What do you think of my shirt?" "Super mauve." "Sure you can keep it down?" "Someone tell Puduk to stop farting teargas!" "Yuck!" "Not dancing?" "I don't really like dancing." "Oh..." "Did you wanna dance?" "No." "I don't like music." "Me neither." "Just as I thought; pretty lame." "Yeah, totally." "You seen the chips?" "No, there are no more." "But there's green puree." "Oh yeah, guacamole." "I ate too many chips!" "Everything OK?" "It's so nice of you to help us out." "So, Titeuf, having fun?" "Yeah, sis..." "Um..." "Yeah, sure!" "Wanna dance?" "OK." "You alright, Titeuf?" "It's... the rhythm." "My teeth chatter, when I dance." "When you're slow-dancing, you slip her the tongue... and bam, you're married!" "Aargh!" "No... it's just..." "I prefer to dance alone." "I can't dance with my half-sister." "It's too forbidden." "What?" "She's not your half-sister yet!" "Your dad hasn't even offered her mom a ring." "It's not a sure thing, they may have bad vibes." "Great!" "Passion fruit?" "Orange juice?" "Papa!" "What do you want?" "You gotta leave." "Quick!" "Before your microwaves transform Nadia into a 'point five'." "Huh?" "You finithed?" "It'th my turn!" "Whadda-ya want, Dracula?" "I'd like a coke, if it'th pothhible." "Here's your coke." "What the...?" "What's got into you?" "You behave like a thug at your friend's party?" "Keep it up, and I'll..." "Leave me alone!" "Can I have my coke?" "Yeah!" "Madame, I just had to tell you..." "You mustn't accept a slow dance with my dad." "And never accept any of his 'spermatozomids'." "Even if he helped you with the party." "OK?" "Not one 'spermatozomid'!" "Done!" "I jammed the airwaves." "Phew!" "It's hot." "I'm going back to Nadia." "It's for you." "Uh..." "With all my my heart." "A necklace... perfumed?" "!" "Yuck!" "Garlic!" "Huh?" "That's garlic?" "Do you..." "like garlic?" "It's really good for your health." "With all my heart..." "You're so sweet!" "The Greg Lover CD that I dreamed about!" "It's so romantic!" "No!" "I..." "I can explain..." "You're Titeuf's father, eh?" "Yes, that's me." "I'm Nadia's father." "It's nice of you to help my wife when I'm away on business." "Oh!" "It's nothing." "It's natural." "Is this syrup?" "Yes." "Grenadi..." "That guy's totally deranged!" "I don't know what got into him." "Can you explain what's going on?" "No." "We could show your stained shirt to my shrink." "Papapa, papa." "Titeuf!" "Zizie?" "Titeuf!" "What are you doing here?" "My darlings." "We're back." "I took my time thinking." "And you're my favorite filthy beast." "I'm glad you stopped thinking, mom." "Me too." "The affair with Fido, is over?" "Who's Fido?" "Titeuf!" "What happened?" "Your shirt's stained." "Oh, it's nothing." "It's..." "Gross!" "Come Zizie." "I'll teach you to explode the Grand Mugul's soldiers." "In conclusion:" "Mom didn't marry an actor, or a dog." "Don't try to understand." "That's how grown-ups are They need to think." "You wanna give me a kiss, Zizie?" "Ah..." "Zizie!" "She's spent too much time with the cows." "So is it over?" "Your mom's back with your dad?" "Did she dump Fido?" "My friends, are still morons." "I don't get it..." "Your dad'th a movie thtar?" "Especially, Jean-Claude." "Those braces must have rusted his brain." "Manu explained it to me." "What you did to come to the party." "About your dad too." "It's... a bit bizarre." "But it's really generous." "I find it sorta... heroic, Titeuf." "I'm not wearing the necklace because of the smell  but it's still pretty." "Oh?" "Your declaration!" "Make your declaration!" "Caress her ear!" "This is it, I can't back out." "It's now or never!" "You gotta jump into the void." "It's as if I saw my life pass before my eyes." "Ohh!" "Grand Mugul!" "Help me!" "Aah!" "Hey, kid!" "You gotta do it alone." "The ear is really sensual." "Nadia..." "I..." "love you." "What did you say?" "Huh?" "Uh..." "Back to class!" "Didn't you hear it ring?" "Oh!" "Did you tell her?" "Yeah, sure." "Wow." "And what did she say?" "She?" "ah... nothing." "I don't care." "She said nothing?" "She said nothing, ah ..." "But her eyes spoke." "She spoke with her eyes?" "Oh, let go of my underpants!" "Subs translated ♪♪by AsifAkheirESL@teachers.org" "♪ Listen to this!" "♪ The pure flow of the playground!" "♪ It's hard to get up And to be in a good mood" "♪ When I see Zizie eat my Jump Rodgers poster" "♪ Mom and dad are angry They saw my report card" "♪ When I get to school, what a mega crisis: a pop quiz" "♪ I couldn't have studied anyway" "♪ I was getting my black belt in Playstation" "♪ So I sing this rap And tell about my bad trips" "♪ I say, leggo my nuts!" "Leggo my underpants!" "♪ Leggo my underpants!" "♪ Oh, please!" "♪ In the cafeteria today What a nightmare" "♪ The cook made spinach!" "♪ I should eat some to become musclebound" "♪ So I can smack big Diego around" "♪ I'll grow up to be an actor or a rebel" "♪ Nadia'll be my wife 'cause she's the hottest belle" "♪ When I see her in class, my heart goes bing bong" "♪ I'd love to kiss her but... no tongue." "♪ Some days you're better off to have the grippe" "♪ Leggo my nuts Leggo my underpants!" "♪ Leggo my nuts Leggo my underpants!" "♪ Leggo my underpants!" "♪ The playground laws say Never sit by Vomito" "♪ Or eat facing Jean-Claude If you don't want a nuclear war" "♪ You can't have fun with girls They're dumb" "♪ Avoid the older boys and their shakedown racket" "♪ Hold your breath till you turn red" "♪ If you're facing a teacher with rotten breath" "♪ But despite all that, I'm feelin' slick" "♪ I swear by the tip of my hair-wick" "♪ By now, you understand my stance" "♪ Leggo my nuts!" "Leggo my underpants!" "♪ Leggo my nuts!" "Leggo my underpants!" "♪ Yeah, dont crowd him Give him some space!" "♪ Leggo my nuts!" "Leggo my underpants!" "♪ Leggo my nuts!" "Leggo my underpants!" "♪ Girls can't play with Lego" "♪ They can't make motorbike sounds with their mouths" "♪ They can't make noise with their derrieres" "♪ What use are they?" "♪ Girls can't appreciate TV" "♪ They don't understand karate movies" "♪ During football matches, they forget to cheer" "♪ Oh, what a pity!" "♪ What use are they?" "♪ What use are they?" "♪ They don't know how to build model ships" "♪ And if you lend them Your GI Joe" "♪ They'd have him marry Barbie" "♪ They just don't get it." "♪ What use are they?" "♪ What use are they?" "♪ So I'll stay in my little bed" "♪ Feelin' good in my canary yellow pajamas" "♪ Sorry, girls, you can't have my weenie" "♪ Tough luck!" "♪ Tough luck!" "♪ Girls lock themselves in the bathroom" "♪ With all kinds of ointments" "♪ About which I know nothing" "♪ Girls never stay long with me" "♪ I don't know why."