"MISSOURI EARTH 1980" "(singing along with "Brandy" on the car stereo)" " Come on!" " Slow down." "What do you say, my River Lily?" "Come on!" "Where are you taking me?" "Come on, come on, come on." "Look." "Look." "Oh, it's beautiful!" "I was afraid it wouldn't take to this soil." "But it rooted quickly." "And soon it'll be everywhere." "All across the universe." "Well I don't know what you're talking about but I like the way you say it." "My heart is yours..." "Meredith Quill." "I can't believe I fell in love with a spaceman." "34 YEARS LATER" "THE SOVEREIGN PLANET" "Showtime, a-holes!" "It's gonna be here any minute." "Which will be its loss." "I thought your thing was a sword." "We've been hired to stop an inter-dimensional beast from feeding on those batteries, and I'm gonna stop it with a sword?" "It's just, swords were your thing and guns were mine but I guess we're both doing guns now." "I just didn't know that." "Drax, why aren't you wearing one of Rocket's aero-rigs?" "It hurts." "Hurts?" "I have sensitive nipples." "My nipples hurt!" "Oh goodness me!" "What about him?" "What's he doing?" "I'm finishing this so we can listen to tunes while we work." "How is that a priority?" "Blame Quill." "He's the one who loves music so much." "No, I actually agree with Drax on this." "That's hardly important right now." "Oh, Okay." "Sure, Quill." "No, seriously, I side with Drax." "No, I understand that." "You're being very serious right now." "I can clearly see you winking." "Dammit." "I'm using my left eye?" "I am Groot." "They were not looking at you funny." "That's intense." "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2" "Groot!" "Groot, get out of the way!" "You're going to get hurt!" "Hi!" "No, no!" "Spit it out, spit it out!" "Come on!" "Disgusting!" "The beast's hide is too thick to be pierced from the outside." "I must cut through it from the inside." "Huh?" "No, no, Drax!" "Wait a minute!" "Drax!" "What is he doing?" "He said the skin is too thick to be pierced from the outside, so he..." " That doesn't make any sense!" " I tried telling him that!" "Skin's the same level of thickness from the inside as from the outside!" "I realize that." "There is a cut on its neck." "Rocket, get it to look up." "Hey, giant sea monkey!" "I'm here!" "Watch it, Quill!" "Yes!" "I have single handedly vanquished the beast!" "What?" "What are they called again?" "Anulax batteries." "Harbulary batteries." "That's nothing like what I just said." "But they're worth thousands of units a piece, which is... why the Sovereign hired us to protect them." "Careful what you say around these folks, they're easily offended." "The cost of transgression is death." "We thank you Guardians for putting your lives on the line." "We could not risk the lives of our own Sovereign citizens." "Every citizen is born exactly as designed by the community." "Impeccable, both physically and mentally." "We control the DNA of our progeny germinating them in birthing pods." "I guess I prefer to make people the old fashioned way." "Well..." "Perhaps someday you could give me a history lesson in the archaic ways of our ancestors." "For academic purposes." "I would be honored." "Yes." "In the name of research..." "I think that could be pretty uh, repulsive." "I'm..." "I'm not into that kind of casual..." "Please..." "Your people promised something in exchange for our services." "Bring it and we shall gladly be on our way." "Family reunion." "Yay!" "I understand she is your sister." "She's worth no more to me than the bounty due for her on Xandar." "Our soldiers apprehended her attempting to steal the batteries." "Do with her as you please." "We thank you, High Priestess Ayesha." "What is your heritage, Mr. Quill?" "My mother was from Earth." "And your father?" "He ain't from Missouri." "That's all I know." "I see it within you." "An unorthodox genealogy." "A hybrid that seems particularly wreckless." "You know, they told me you people were conceited douchebags." "But that isn't true at all." "Ah, shit." "I'm using my wrong eye again, aren't I?" "I'm sorry, that was... that was meant to be behind your back." "Count yourself blessed they didn't kill you." "You're telling me." " You want to buy some batteries?" " Ha ha ha!" "All right, let's get baldly to Xandar and collect that bounty." "Awesome Mix Vol. 2" "That stuff about my father." "Who does she thing she is?" "I know you're sensitive about that." "I'm not sensitive about it." "I just don't know who he is." "Sorry if it seemed like I was flirting with the High Priestess." "I wasn't." "I don't care if you were." "Well I feel like you do care." "That's why I'm apologizing." "So, sorry." "Gamora is not the one for you, Quill." "Damn shadow." "There are two types of beings in the universe." "Those who dance and those who do not." "Mmm-hmm." "I first met my beloved at a war rally." "Oh god." "Everyone in the village flailed about dancing." "Except one woman." "My Ovette." "I knew immediately she was the one for me." "The most melodic song in the world could be playing." "She wouldn't even tap her foot." "Wouldn't move a muscle." "One might assume she was dead." "That does sound pretty hot." "It would make my nether-regions engorged." "Okay I get it, yes." "I'm a dancer, Gamora is not." "You just need to find a woman who is pathetic, like you." "I'm hungry." "Hand me some of that Yaro root." "No." "It's not ripe yet and I hate you." "You hate me?" "You left me there while you stole that stone for yourself." "And yet here you stand, a hero." "I will be free of these shackles soon and I will kill you." "I swear." "No." "You're gonna live out the rest of your days in a prison on Xandar, wishing you could." "This is weird." "We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear." "Why would they do that?" "Perhaps because Rocket stole some of their batteries." "Dude!" "Right." "He didn't steal some of those." "I don't know why they're after us." "What a mystery this is." "What were you thinking?" "Dude, they were really easy to steal!" " That's your defense?" " Come on!" "You saw how that High Priestess talked down to us." "Now I'm teaching her a lesson!" "Oh, I didn't realize your motivation was altruism." "It's really a shame the Sovereign have mistaken your intentions and are trying to kill us." " Exactly!" "I was being sarcastic!" "Oh no!" "You're supposed to use the sarcastic tone!" "Now I look foolish!" "Can we put the bickering on hold 'til after we've survived this massive space battle?" " More incoming!" " Good!" "I want to kill some guys!" "You're not killing anyone." "All those ships are remotely piloted." "Dammit!" "What is the delay, Admiral?" "High Priestess, the batteries, they are exceptionally combustible and could destroy the entire fleet." "Our concern is their slight against our people." "We hired them and they steal from us." "It's heresy of the highest order." "All command modules fire with the intent to kill." "What's the nearest habital planet?" "It's called Berhert." " How many jumps?" " Only one." "But the access point is 47 clicks away." "And you have to go through that quantum asteroid field." "Quill, to make it through that you'd have to be the greatest pilot in the universe." "Luck for us..." " I..." " I am." "What are you doing?" "I've been flying this rig since I was 10 years old." "I was cybernetically engineered to pilot a spacecraft." "You were cybernetically engineered to be a douchebag!" "Stop it!" "Quill, later on tonight, you're gonna be laying down in your bed and there's gonna be something squishy in your pillowcase." "And you're gonna be like, What's this?" "And it's gonna be because I put a turd in there." "You put your turd in my bed, I shave you." "Oh, it won't be my turd." " It'll be Drax's." " Ha ha ha ha!" "I have famously huge turds." "We're about to die, and this is what we're discussing?" "Son of a...!" "Dude!" "Seriously!" "Hey, let me..." "Idiots!" "Ah!" "That's what you get when Quill flies." "We still have a Sovereign craft behind us." "Our weapons are down." "Twenty clicks to the jump." "Hold on." "It's not ripe." "SPACESUITS FOR EMERGENCY OR FOR FUN." "Come on, Zylak." "You can do this." " Yes!" " Yes, yes!" "15 clicks to the jump." "(cheers)" "(cheers)" "10 clicks!" "Die, spaceship!" "You suck, Zylak." "Typical." "It's 5 clicks!" "Son of a...!" "They went around the field!" "Someone destroyed all our ships!" "What?" "Who?" "One click!" " What is that?" " Who cares?" "That's the jump point!" "Go, go!" "It's a guy." "Oh my god." "He's still out there?" "Groot, put your seatbelt on!" "Prepare for a really bad landing!" "BERHERT" "Ha ha ha ha!" "That was awesome!" "Ha ha ha!" "Yes!" "Look at this!" "Where's the other half of our ship?" "My ship." "Either one of you could've gotten us through that field had you flown with what's between your ears instead of what's between your legs!" "If what's between my legs had a hand on it I guarantee I could've landed this ship with it." "Peter." "We almost died because of your arrogance." "No, like, because he stole Anulax batteries." "They're called Harbulary batteries." "No, they're not!" "You know why I did it, Star-Munch?" "Hmm?" "I'm not gonna answer to Star-Munch." " I did it because I wanted to!" " Dick." "What are we even talking about this for?" "We just had a little man save us by blowing up 50 ships!" "How little?" "I, I don't know, like this?" "A little one-inch man saved us?" "Well, if he got closer, I'm sure he'd be much larger." "That's how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon." "Don't call me a raccoon!" "I'm sorry." "I took it too far." "I meant trash panda." "Is that better?" "I don't know." "It's worse." "It's so much worse." "You son of a...!" "Hey!" " I've about had it with you!" " No!" "Back off!" "Someone followed you through the jump point." "Set me free." "You'll need my help." "I'm not a fool, Nebula." "You are a fool to deprive yourself a hand in combat." "You'll attack me the moment I let you go." "No I won't." "You would think an evil super-villain would learn how to properly lie." "I bet it's the one-inch man.." "After all these years, I've found you." "And who the hell are you?" "I figured my rugged good looks would make that obvious." "My name is Ego." "And I'm your dad, Peter." "CONTRAXIA" "You know what they say." "You're out of luck until you've gone duck." "Yondu!" "Come on down!" "...this woman, I ended up marrying her." "I said, Aleta, I love you but you're losing your mind!" "And she's always been this way." "I could never trust her, you know." "Stakar." "It's been some time." "Seems like this establishment is the wrong kind of disreputable." "Stakar." "There's 100 Ravager factions." "You just lost the business of 99 of them by serving one." "Please, sir." "Please!" "Get away from me." "You can go to hell then!" "I don't give a damn what you think of me!" "So, what are you following us for?" "You're gonna listen to what I gotta say!" "I don't gotta listen to nothing!" "You betrayed the code!" "Ravager's don't deal in kids!" "I told you before!" "I didn't know what was going on!" "You didn't know 'cause you didn't want to know 'cause it made you rich." "I demand a seat at the table." "I wear these flames, same as you." "You may dress like us but you'll never hear the Horns of Freedom when you die, Yondu." "And the Colors of Orgord will never lash over your grave." "If you think..." "I take pleasure in exiling you you're wrong." "You broke all all our hearts." "Pathetic." "First, Quill betrays us and Yondu just lets him go scott-free." "We followed him because he was the one who wasn't afraid to do what needed to be done." "Seems he's going soft." "If he's so soft, why are you whispering for?" "You know I'm right, Kraglin." "You best be very careful what you say about our captain." "Who is that?" "Yondu Udonta." "I have a proposition for you." "I hired Yondu to pick you up when your mother passed away." "But, instead of returning you Yondu kept you." "I have no clue as to why." "Well, I'll tell you why." "'Cause I was a skinny little kid who could squeeze into places adults couldn't." "It made it easier for thieving." "Well." "I've been trying to track you down ever since." "I thought Yondu was your father." "What?" "We've been together this whole time and you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?" "You look exactly alike." "One's blue!" "No, he's not my father!" "Yondu is the guy who abducted me." "Kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight." "And kept me in terror by threatening to eat me." " Eat you?" " Yeah." "Ah, that son of a bitch!" "How did you locate us now?" "Well, even where I reside, out past the edge what's known we've heard tell about the man they call Star-Lord." "What say we head out there right now?" "Your associates are welcome." "Even that triangle-face monkey, there." "I promise you it's not like any other place you've ever seen." "And there..." "I can explain your very special heritage." "Finally get to be the father I've always wanted to be." "Excuse me." "I've gotta take a whiz." "I'm not buying it." "Let's go take a walk." "I am Mantis." "What are you doing?" "Smiling." "I hear it is the thing to do to make people like you." "Not if you do it like that." "Oh." "I was raised alone on Ego's planet." "I do not understand the intricacies of social interaction." "Can I pet your puppy?" "It's adorable." "Yes." "Ha ha ha ha!" "That is called a practical joke!" "I liked it very much!" "I just made it up." "Give me a break!" "After all this time, you're gonna show up and just all of a sudden you want to be my dad?" " I hear you." "You know, by the way, this could be a trap." "Ok?" "The Kree ~Perus, the Ravagers they all want us dead." " I know, but..." "But, what?" "What was that story you told me about Zardu Hasselfrau?" "Who?" "He owned a magic boat." "David Hasselhoff?" "Right." "Not in a magic boat." "A talking car." "Why did he talk, again?" "To help him fight crime, and to be supportive." "As a child, you would carry his picture in your pocket... and you would tell all the other children that he was your father, but that he was out of town." "Shooting Knight Rider or touring with his band in Germany." "I told you that when I was drunk." "Why are you bringing it up now?" "I love that story." "I hate that story." "It's so sad!" "As a kid, I used to see all the other kids all playing catch with their dad." "And I wanted that, more than anything in the world." "That's my point, Peter." "What if this man is your Hasselhoff?" "Listen." "If he ends up being evil we'll just kill him." "You're leaving me with that fox?" "He's not a fox." "Shoot her if she does anything suspicious." " Or if you feel like it." " Okay." "Hey." "It'll be just a couple of days." "We'll be back before Rocket's finished fixing the ship." "What if Sovereign come?" "There's no way for them to know we're here." "Let's go." "I'm uncertain about parting ways." "God, you're like an old woman." "Because I'm wise?" "Why do you have so much luggage?" "I don't want Groot playing with my things." "I hope daddy isn't as big of a dick as you, orphan boy." "What is your goal here?" "To get everbody to hate you?" "Because it's working." "Hey." "Can I ask you a personal question?" "Oh!" "Noone has ever asked me a personal question." "Your antennae, what are they for?" "Their purpose?" "Yes, Quill and I have a bet." "Ugh." "You're not supposed to say that." "I say... that if you're about to go through a doorway that's too low the antennae will feel this and keep you from being decapitated." "Right." "And if it's anything other than you specifically not being decapitated by a doorway, I win." "They are not for feeling doorways." "I think they have something to do with my empathic abilities." "What are those?" "If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings." " You read minds?" " No." "Telepaths know thoughts." "Empaths feel feelings." "Emotions." "May I?" "Oh, all right." "You feel love." "Yeah, I guess feel a general unselfish love for just about everybody..." "No!" "Romantic, sexual love." "No." "No I don't." " For her!" " No!" "That is not..." "Okay." "She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!" "Dude, come on, I think you're overreacting a little bit." "You must be so embarrassed!" "Aha ha ha ha!" "Do me!" "Do me!" "Do me!" "I have never felt such humor." "So unbelievably not cool." "Quill." "Touch me, and the only thing you're gonna feel is a broken jaw." "I can also alter emotions, to some extent." "Yeah, like what?" "If I touch someone who is sad I can ease them into contentment for a short while." "I can make a stubborn person compliant." "But I mostly use it to help my master sleep." "He lies awake at night thinking about his progeny." "Do one of those on me." "Sleep." "I love this song." "There!" "Ain't so tough now, without all your toys." "Are ya?" "Move!" "Crap." "Hey there, rat!" "How's it going, you blue idiot?" "Not so bad." "We got ourselves a pretty good little gig here." "This golden gal with quite a high opinion of herself has offered us a large sum to deliver you and your pals over to her 'cause she wants to kill y'all." "Your Friend..." "There's too many of them." "He needs my help." "If you care about him you need to get me out of these bonds." "They are going to kill him!" "I'll tell you, it was pretty easy to find you." "I put a tracer on your ship back there during the war with Xandar." "Give me your word you won't hurt Groot and I'll tell you where the batteries are." "Lucky for you, my word don't mean squat." "Otherwise, I'd actually hand you over." "Otherwise... what?" "We'll take them batteries." "They're worth, what, a quarter mil on the open market?" "That Priestess offered us a million." "A quarter is only one third of that!" "A quarter ain't a third." "A quarter is 25." "No." "We can't even buy a pair of boots with 25 units." "Enough!" "The point is, we ain't stupid enough to help kill the Guardians of the Galaxy!" "The whole dang Nova Corps'd be on us." "That ain't right!" "I just gotta say it this one time, captain." "No matter how many times Quill betrays you you protect him like none of the rest of us much matter." "I'm the one what sticks up for you!" "Take it easy, Kraglin." "Damn straight, lads." "He's gone soft." "I suppose it's time for a change in leadership." "Put your ~gob guns down!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "There must be some kind of peaceful resolution to this, fellas." "Or even a violent one, where I'm standing over there." "Well, hello boys." "It's not ripe." "EGO'S PLANET" "Welcome, everyone, to my world." "Wow." "You have your own planet?" "Come on." "It's no larger than your Earth's moon." "Humility." "I like it." "I, too, am extraordinarily humble." "You own a planet and can destroy two dozen spaceships without a suit." "What are you exactly?" "I'm what's called a Celestial, sweetheart." "A Celestial, like a God?" "Oh, a small "g", son." "At least on the days I'm feeling as humble as Drax." "I don't know where I came from, exactly." "The first thing I remember is flickering." "Adrift in the cosmos, utterly and entirely alone." "Over millions of years I learned to control the molecules around me." "I grew smarter and stronger." "And I continued building from there." "Layer by layer the very planet you walk on now." "Whoa." "But I wanted more." "I desired meaning." "There must be some life out there in the universe besides just me, I thought." "And so, I set myself to task for finding it." "I created what I imagined biological life to be like down to the most minute detail." "Did you make a penis?" "Dude!" "What is wrong with you?" "If he is a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother?" "He would smush her!" "I... ugh!" "I don't need to hear how my parents..." "Why?" "My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice." "That's disgusting." "It was beautiful." "You Earthers have hang-ups." "Yes, Drax." "I got a penis." "Ha!" "Thank you." " And it's not half bad." " Huh!" "I also have pain receptors and a digestive system and all the accompanying junk." "I wanted to experience what it truly meant to be human." "As I set out amongst the stars 'til I found what I sought." "Life." "I was not alone in the universe after all." "When did you meet my mother?" "Not long after." "It was, with Meredith, that I first experienced love." "I called her my River Lily." "And from that love, Peter..." "You." "I've searched for you for so long." "And when I heard of a man from Earth who held an Infinity Stone in his hand without dying I knew you must be the son of the woman I loved." "If you loved her, why did you leave her?" "You should ~?" "You should ~?" "You should ~?" "Sorry about this!" "Captain!" "Help me!" "Please help!" "Captain!" "You're the one what killed those men by leading them down the wrong path." "Because you're weak." "And stupid!" "It's time for the Ravengers to rise once again to glory with a new captain..." "Taserface!" "Aha ha ha ha!" "I'm sorry." "Your name is it's Taserface?" "That's right." "Do you shoot tasers out of your face?" "It's metaphorical!" "Yeah!" "For what?" "For..." "It is a name what strikes fear into the hearts of anyone what hears it!" "Okay." "Whatever you say." "You shut up." "You're next." "Udonta, I've been waiting a long time to..." "What?" "I'm sorry." "I am so sorry." "I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir looking in the mirror and, in all seriousness, saying to yourelf..." "You know what would be a really kick-ass name?" "Taserface!" "Ah ha ha!" "That's how I hear you in my head!" "I can't take it anymore!" "What was your second choice?" "Scrotum Hat?" "New plan." "We're killing you first." "Well." "Dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life as a moronic shitbag who thinks Taserface is a cool name." "That's enough killing for today." "She's the daughter of Thanos." "I thought you were the biggest sadist in the galaxy." "That was when daddy was paying my bills." "The Priestess wants to kill the fox herself." "And he has bounties on his head in at least 12 Kree provinces." "I assure you..." "I am not as easy a mark as an old man without his magic stick or a talking woodland beast." "I want ten percent of the take." "And a couple more things." "We got a whole box of hands if that one don't work out." " It is fine." "You, uh, think them Kree is gonna execute the captain?" "The Kree consider themselves merciful." "It will be painless." "Well, uh, here it is." "It's the best ship we got." "The location of Ego's planet in the nav." "We'll wire you the ten percent once we's paid." "What're you gonna do with your share?" "As a child, my father would have Gamora and me battle one another in training." "Every time my sister prevailed my father would replace a piece of me with machinery claiming he wanted me to be her equal." "But she won." "Again and again and again, never once refraining." "So, after I murder my sister I will buy a warship will every conceivable instrument of death." "I will hunt my father like a dog and I will tear him apart slowly piece by piece... until he knows some semblance of the profound and unceasing pain I know every single day." "Yeah I was talking about a pretty necklace." "Or a nice hat, you know." "Something to make the other girls go, Ooooh, that's nice." "Anyways, happy trails." "My mother told everyone my father was from the stars." "She had brain cancer, so everyone thought she was delusional." "Peter." "Listen, I'd love to believe all of this, I really would." "But you left..." "The most wonderful woman ever to die alone." "I didn't want to leave your mother, Peter." "If I don't return regularly to my planet and the light within it this form will wither and perish." "Then why didn't you come back?" "Why did you send Yondu?" "A criminal, of all people, to come and to fetch me." "I loved your mother, Peter!" "I couldn't stand to step foot on an Earth where she wasn't living!" "You can't imagine what that's like!" "I know exactly what that feels like!" "I had to watch her die!" "Over the millions and millions of years of my existence I've made many mistakes, Peter." "But you're not one of them." "Please give me the chance to be the father she would want me to be." "There's so much that I need to teach you about this planet and the light within." "They are a part of you, Peter." "What do you mean?" "Give me your hand, son." "Here." "Hold them like that." "Now, close your eyes and concentrate." "Take your brain to the center of this planet." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Whoa!" " Yes!" " What was it?" "It's okay, just relax." "Concentrate." "You can do it." "Bring it back." "Yes!" "Yes, now, shape it." "Feel that energy." "Yes." "You're home." "Peter." "How'd you get to this weird, dumb planet?" "Ego found me in my larvae state." "Orphan on my homeworld." "He raised me by hand and kept me as his own." "So, you're a pet." "I suppose." "People usually want cute pets." "Why would Ego want such a hideous one?" "I am hideous?" "You are horrifying to look at, yes." " But that's a good thing." " Oh?" "When you're ugly and someone loves you you know they love you for who you are." "Beautiful people never know who to trust." "Well, then I am certainly grateful to be ugly." "Those pools, they remind me of a time when I took my daughter to the Forgotten Lakes of my homeworld." "She was like you." "Disgusting?" "Innocent." "Drax?" "There's something I must tell you." "What's going on?" "This gross bug lady is my new friend." "I'm learning many things, like I'm a pet and ugly." "You're not ugly." "Drax." "What are you talking about?" "Mantis." "Can you show us where we'll be staying?" "Why are there no other beings on this planet?" "The planet is Ego." "A dog would not invite a flea to live on his back." "And you're not a flea?" "I'm a flea with a purpose." "I help him sleep." "What were you about to say to Drax before I walked out?" "Nothing." "Your quarters are this way." "We deliver you to the Kree in the morning." "Neither one of you will last much longer after that." "Okay, Taserface." "Hey, tell the other guys, we said..." "Hi, Taserface!" "Oh!" "Hey, what about this little plant?" "Can I smash it with a rock?" "No, Gef." "It's too adorable to kill." "Take it to the tailor." "No offense, but your employees are a bunch of jerks." "I was a Kree battle slave for 20 years when Stakar freed me." "He offered me a place with the Ravagers." "He said, all I needed to do was adhere to the code." "But I was young and greedy and stupid." "Like you stealing those batteries." "That was mostly Drax." "Me  Stakar, and the other captains we won't so different from you and your friends." "The only family I ever had." "When I broke the code they exiled me." "This is what I deserve." "Slow down, drama queen." "You might deserve this, but I don't." "We gotta get out of here." "Where's Quill?" "Ah, he went off with his old man." " Ego?" " Yeah." "It's a day for dumb-ass names." "You smiled." "There for a second I got a warm feeling." "But then it was ruined by those disgusting-ass teeth." "You're like, a professional asshole, or what?" "Pretty much a pro." "Why didn't you deliver Quill to Ego like you promised?" "He was skinny." "He fit into places we couldn't." "Good for thieving." "Uh huh." "I got an idea on how to get out of here." "But we're gonna need your little friend." "Mascot!" "Mascot!" "Mascot!" "You fellas all want ~sausage drunk?" "Look how cute it is when it's all riled up." "It's god-dang precious." "Psst!" "Hey, twig!" "Come here." "Come on." "Aw man." "What'd they do to you?" "Hey, you want to help us get out of here?" "There's something I need you to get and bring back to me." "In the captain's quarters, there's a prototype fin." "The thing I wore in my head." "There's a drawer next to the bunk." "It's in that." "It's red." "You got it?" " Ugh." " That's my underwear." "Yeah, I was pretty sure he didn't know what you were talking about." "You have to explain it more careful." "It's a prototype fin." "That's an Orloni." "It's a fin, Groot." "You try it this time." "All right." "That's Vorker's eye." "He takes it out when he sleeps." "Go, look again." "But leave the eye here." "Why?" "He's gonna wake up tomorrow... and he's not gonna know where his eye is!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "That's a desk." "We told you it was this big." "Tell me you guys have a refrigerator somewhere with a bunch of severed human toes." "Okay, then let's just agree to never discuss this." "The drawer you want to open has this symbol on it." "Okay?" "What?" "No!" "He thinks you want him to wear it as a hat." "That's not what I said!" " I am Groot!" " He's relieved you don't want him to." " I am Groot." " He hates hats." "I am Groot." "On anyone, not just himself." "I am Groot." "One minute, you think someone has a weird shaped head the next minute, just because, you realize part of that head is the hat." "That's why you don't like hats?" "This is an important conversation right now?" "What you have there?" "I didn't mean to do a mutiny." "They killed all my friends." "Get the third quadrant ready for release." "One more thing." "You got any clones of Quill's old music on the ship?" "He's got it!" "Yondu's got the fin!" "Go!" "Down there!" "You maniac!" "The whole ship's gonna blow." "Not the whole ship." "Who is this?" "I am sending you the coordinates for Yondu's ship." " Release the quadrant!" " Aye, captain!" "I only ask one thing." "That your High Priestess tell him the name of the man what sealed his fate." "Taserface!" "Where to, captain?" "Ego." "No, boy!" "It ain't healthy, mammalian body to hop more than 50 jumps at a time." "I know that." "We're about to do 700!" "So, I guess this could all be mine someday." "Rocket?" "Rocket, are you there?" "What are you doing, Peter?" "Dance with me." "I'm not going to dance with you." "This is Sam Cooke one of the greatest Earth singers of all time." "Drax says you're not a dancer." "If you ever tell anyone about this I will kill you." "When are we going to do something about this unspoken thing between us?" "What unspoken thing?" "This Cheers, Sam and Diane guy and a girl on a TV show who dig each other but never say it because the TV ratings would go down sort of thing." "There's no unspoken thing here." "Well, it's a catch-22, because if you said it then it would be spoken and you'd be a liar." "So, by not saying it you are telling the truth and admitting that there is." "No, that's not what I..." "What we should be discussing right now is, something about this place." "It doesn't feel right." "What are you talking about?" "You're the one who wanted me to come here." "That girl, Mantis she's afraid of something." "Why are you trying to take this away from me?" "I'm not trying..." "He's my father." "He's blood." "Well you have blood on Earth, you never wanted to return there." "Again, you made me come here." "And Earth, Earth is the place where my mother died in front of me." "No, it's because that place is real, and this is a fantasy." "This is real!" "I'm only half human, remember?" "That's the half I'm worried about." "Oh, so..." "I get it." "You're jealous because I'm part god and you like when I'm the weak one." "You were insufferable to begin with." "I haven't been able to reach Rocket." "I'm going to go outside and try to get a signal." "You know what?" "This is not Cheers after all." "This is whatever the show is where one person is willing to open themselves up to to new possibilities, and the other person is a jerk who doesn't trust anybody!" "It's a show that doesn't exist!" "That's why it would get zero ratings." "I don't know what Cheers is." "I finally found my family." "Don't you understand that?" "I thought you alread had." "Psychopath!" "Are you kidding me!" "I win." "I win, I bested you in combat." "No." "I saved your life." "Well you were stupid enough to let me live." "You let me live!" "I don't need you to always try and defeat me!" "I'm not the one who just flew across the universe just because I wanted to win." "Do not tell me what I want." "I don't need to tell you what you want!" "It's obvious!" "You were the one who wanted to win." "And I just wanted a sister!" "You were all I had." "But you were the one who needed to win." "Thanos pulled my eye from my head and my brain from my skull and my arm from my body because of you." "AWESOME MIX VOL. 2" "You all right, son?" "I saw your girl stomp off a little earlier in quite a huff." "Yeah." "It's fortuitous, you listening to this song." "You know, uh, "Brandy?"" "By Looking Glass?" "A favorite of your mom's." "Yes." "Yeah, it was." "One of Earth's greatest musical compositions." "Perhaps its very greatest." "Yeah, yes!" "You know, Peter, you and I, we're..." "we're the sailer in that song." "He came on a summer's day." "Bringing gifts from far away." "Like the child I put in your mother." "Or the freedom you brought Gamora." "Brandy, you're a fine girl." "What a good wife you would be." "My life, my love, my lady, is the sea." "The sea calls the sailor back." "And he loves the girl, but that's not his place." "The sea calls upon him as history calls upon great men." "And sometimes we are deprived the pleasures of mortals." "Well, you may not be mortal, but me..." "No, Peter." "Death will remain a stranger to both of us as long as the light burns in this planet." " I'm immortal?" " Mm-hm." "Really?" "Yes!" "As long as this light exists." "And I can use the light to build cool things, like how you made this whole planet?" "Well, it may take you a few million years of practice before you get really good at it." "But, yes!" "What?" "This is...!" "Well, get ready for an 800-foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor and Heather Locklear." "Whatever you want." "I'm gonna make some weird shit." "You know, Peter, it is a tremendous responsibility." "Only we can remake the universe." "Only we can take the bridle of the cosmos and lead it to where it needs to go." "How?" "Come with me." "Drax." "Drax." "Drax!" "Drax!" "We need to talk." "I'm sorry." "But I like a woman with some meat on her bones." "What?" "I tried to let you down easily by telling you I found you disgusting." "No, that's not why..." "What are you doing?" "I'm imagining being with you." "Drax, that's not..." "I don't like you like that." "I don't even know the type of thing you are." "Hey!" "There's no need to get personal." "Listen!" "Ego's gotten exactly what he wanted." "I should have told you earlier." "I is stupid." "You are in danger." "What is that?" "Now, you need to readjust the way you process life." "Everything around us, including the girl everything is temporary." "We are forever." "Doesn't eternity get boring?" "Not if you have a purpose, Peter." "Which is why you're here." "I told you how all those years ago I had an unceasing impulse to find life." "But what I did not tell you is how I finally did find it." "It was all so disappointing." "And that is when I came to a profound realization." "My innate desire to seek out other life was not so that I could walk among that life." "Peter." "I have found meaning." "I see it." "Eternity." "Oh my god." "We need to get off this planet." "Oh man." "Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted." "At that time, I was a Federal Express man." "What the hell you doing, boy?" "I could tell by how you talked about him this Ego is bad news." "We are here to save Quill." "For what?" "Huh?" "For honor?" "For love?" "No." "I don't care about those things." "I want to save Quill so I can prove I'm better than him!" "I can lord this over him forever." "What are you laughing at me for?" "Oh, you can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can't fool me." "I know who you are." "You do not know anything about me, loser." "I know everything about you." "I know you play like your the meanest and the hardest but actually you're the most scared of all." "Shut up!" "I know you steal batteries you don't need and you push away anyone who's willing to put up with you..." "Because just a little bit of love reminds you how big and empty that hole inside you actually is." "I said, shut up!" "I know them scientists what made you never gave a rat's ass about you." "I'm serious, dude." "Just like my own damn parents, who sold me, their own little baby, into slavery." "I know who you are, boy." "Because you're me." "What kind of a pair are we" "The kinds that's about to go fight a planet, I recon." "All right!" "Okay." "Wait." "Fight a what?" "Who are you people?" "What is this place?" "Gamora, let her go!" "The bodies in the caverns, who are they?" "You are scared." "I call it, the Expansion." "It is my purpose." "Now, it is yours, as well." "It's beautiful." "Over thousands of years I implanted thousands of extension of myself on thousands of worlds." "I need to fulfill life's one true purpose to grow and spread covering all that exists until everything is me." "What did she do to me?" "She already told me everything." "I only had one problem." "A single Celestial doesn't have enough power for such an enterprise." "But two Celestials well, now, that just might do." "The bodies are his children." "Out of all my labors the most beguiling was attempting to graft my DNA with that of another species." "I hoped the result of such a coupling would be enough to power the Expansion." "I had Yondu deliver some of them to me." "It broke the Ravager code, but I compensated him generously, and to ease his conscience, I said I'd never hurt them." "And that was true, they never felt a thing." "But, one after the other, they failed me." "Not one of them carried the Celestial genes." "Until you, Peter." "Out of all my spawn only you carry the connection to the light." "We need to find Peter now and get off this damn planet." "Ego will have brought him to his side by now." " He has a way." " Then we just go." " No!" " He's our friend." " All any of you do is yell at each other." "You're not friends." "You're right." "We're family." "We leave noone behind." "Except maybe you." "Thank you." "For the first time in my existence I am truly not alone!" "What is it, son?" "My friends." "Oh, no, you see, that's the mortal in you, Peter." "Yes." "We are beyond such things." "Yes." " Now..." " But my mother..." "You said you loved my mother." "And that I did." "My River Lily who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio." "I returned to Earth to see her three times." "And I knew if returned a 4th I'd never leave." "The Expansion the reason for my very existence would be over, so I did what I had to do." "But it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head." "What?" "Now, now, I know that sounds bad." "Who in the hell do you think you are?" "You killed my mother!" "I tried so hard to find the form that best suited you and this is the thanks I get?" "You really need to grow up." "I wanted to do this together." "But I suppose you'll have to learn by spending the next thousand years as a battery." "Finally!" "Rocket?" "Keep that transmitter nearby so I can find you." "We're in an old piece of construction Wip and Yondu once used to slice open the bank of A'askavaria." "Ego's unhinged." "I know." "Get ready." "Cut him loose, Kraglin." "No." "My life, my love, my lady, is the sea." "Peter." "This is the sea." "Hey there, jackass!" " What is that?" " Whoa, it's ~?" "Out of the way, dumber, smaller Groot!" "I told you something didn't feel right." ""I told you so?" Just what I need to hear right now." "Well, I came back, didn't I?" "Because of the unspoken thing." "There is no unspoken thing." "What are you doing?" "You could have killed us all." "Uh, "Thank you, Rocket?"" "We had it under control." "We did not." "That is only an extension of his true self." "He will be back soon." "What's Smurfette doing here?" "Whatever I need to do to get a damn ride home." "She tried to murder me!" "I saved you, you stupid fox!" "He's not a fox." " I am Groot." " I'm not a rabboon either." "I am Groot." "Raccoon." "Whatever." "How do we kill a Celestial?" "There's a center to him." "His brain, his soul, whatever it is, in some sort of protective shell." "It's in the caverns below the surface." "Yondu?" "Thrusters are out." "I guess I should be glad I was a skinny kid." "Otherwise you would've delivered me to this maniac." "You still recon that's the reason I kept you around, idiot?" "That's what you told me, you old doofus." "Well once I figured out what happened to them other kids I wasn't just gonna hand you over." "You said you were gonna eat me." "That was being funny." "Not to me!" "You people have issues." "Well of course I have issues." "That's my freaking father!" "Thrusters are back up." " We should be going up!" " We can't." "Ego wants to eradicate the universe as we know it." "We have to kill him." "Rocket!" "Got it!" "So, we're saving the galaxy again?" "I guess." "Awesome!" "We're really gonna be able to jack up our price if we're two-time galaxy savers." "I seriously can't believe that's where your mind goes." "It was just a random thought, man." "I thought we were friends?" "Of course, I care about the planets and the buildings and all the animals on the planets." "And the people." "Meh." "The crabby puppy's so cute." "He makes me want to die!" "Soup!" "Soup!" "Pilots release envoy units." "Our sensors detect a battery below the surface of the planet." "Dive!" "Um." "Cap'n?" "Cap'n?" "Tell me, why'd Ego want you here?" "He needs my genetic connection to the light to help destroy the universe." "He tried to teach me how to control the power." "So, could you?" "A little." "I made a ball." "A ball?" "I thought as hard as I could." "That's all that I could come up with." "You thought?" "You think when I let this arrow fly I use my head?" "Woah." "There." "That's Ego's core." "That ore is thick, Rocket." "I got it covered." "We must hurry." "It will not take Ego long to find us." "Keep it steady." "We drill into the center, we kill him!" "Captain?" "What is it, Kraglin?" "Hey, remember that Ayesha chick?" "Yeah, why?" " Uhh..." " Oh hell!" "Why aren't you firing the laser?" "They blew up the generator." "I think I packed a small detonator." "A detonator is worthless without explosives." "Well, we've got these." "Is that thing strong enough to kill Ego?" "If it is, it'll cause a chain reaction throughout his entire nervous system." "Meaning what?" "Meaning the entire planet will explode." "We'll have to get out of here fast." "I made the timer." "Go!" "He's coming!" "Didn't you say you could make him sleep?" "When he wants." "He's too powerful." "I can't!" "You have to believe in yourself." "Because I believe in you." "Sleep!" "I never thought she'd be able to do it with as weak and skinny as she appears to be." "I don't know how long I can hold him." "The metal's too thick." "For the bomb to work, we actually need to place it on Ego's core." "And our fat butts ain't gonna fit through those tiny holes." "Well..." "That's a terrible idea." "Which is the only kind of idea we have left." "Unbelievable." "Rocket, do this." "Rocket, do that." "What a day." "All right, first you flick this switch, then this switch." "That activates it." "Then you push this button." "Which will give you 5 minutes to get out of there." "Now, whatever you do don't push this button." "'Cause that will set off the bomb immediately and we'll all be dead." "Now, repeat back what I just said." " I am Groot." " Uh-huh." " I am Groot." " That's right." " I am Groot." " No!" "No, that's the button that will kill everyone!" "Try again." " I am Groot." " Um-hmm." " I am Groot." " Uh-huh." " I am Groot." " No!" "That's exactly what you just said, how is that even possible?" "Which button is the button you're supposed to push?" "Point to it." "No!" "Hey, you're making him nervous!" "Shut up and give me some tape!" "Does anybody have any tape out there?" "I wanna put some tape over the death button." "I don't have any tape." "Let me check." "Yo, Yondu do you have any... ouch!" "Do you have any tape?" "Gamora?" "You have the tape?" "Tape!" "Ah, nevermind." "Drax?" "Do you have any tape?" "Yeah, Scotch tape would work." "Then why did you ask me if Scotch tape would work if you don't have any?" "Nobody has any tape!" "Not a single person has tape?" "Nope." "Did you ask Nebula?" "Yes!" "Are you sure?" "I asked Yondu and she was sitting right next to him." "I knew you're lying!" "You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag." "If anybody's gonna have tape, it's you!" "That's exactly my point!" "I have to do everything!" "You are wasting a lot of time here!" "We're all gonna die." "Ah, rear thrusters are out again!" "We're done for without that generator!" "Guardians." "Perhaps it will provide you solace that your deaths are not without purpose." "They will serve as a warning for all of those tempted to betray us." "Don't screw with the Sovereign." "This is gonna hurt." "Promises, promises." "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "We're gonna blow!" "Peter!" "No!" " Ha ha!" " What?" "You look like Mary Poppins." "Is he cool?" "Hell yeah, he's cool." "I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!" "Mantis!" "Look out!" "She's just unconscious." "How long 'til the bomb goes off?" "In the unlikely event that Groot doesn't kill us all about 6 minutes." "Kraglin, we need the quadrant for an extraction." "T-minus 5 minutes." "Aye, captain." "Somebody's gotta be on top when Kraglin arrives." "Drax, take Mantis." "Ow!" "My nipples!" "Ahhh!" "Gamora!" "Peter!" "Get over it." "Come now, Peter." "I know this isn't what you want." "What kind of father would I be to let you make this choice?" "Yeah!" "Soon, Peter, we will be all there is." "So stop pissing me off!" "We have to get up to the extraction point." "Go!" "I told you I don't want to do this alone." "You can not deny the purpose the universe has bestowed upon you." "Everyone, I need you to stay back, it's not safe..." "What is that?" "It doesn't need to be like this, Peter." "Why are you destroying our chance?" "Stop pretending you aren't what you are." "One in billions." "Trillions." "Even more." "What greater meaning can a life possibly have to offer?" "I don't use my head to fly the arrows, boy!" "I use my heart." "You shouldn't have killed my mom and squished my Walkman." "Groot!" "Groot, if you can hear me, hurry up!" "I'm not sure how long Quill can keep him distracted!" "Groot, hurry!" "Yondu, we're about to blow!" "Get to the ship!" "Not without Quill!" "You need to take care of the twig!" "Not without you." "I ain't got nothing right my whole damn life, rat." "You need to give me this." "A spacesuit and an aero-rig." "I only have one of each." "I..." "I am Groot!" "What's that?" "He says, Welcome to the frickin' Guardians of the Galaxy." "Only he didn't use frickin'." "Bye, twig." "We're gonna have to have a real discussion about your language." "Where's Peter?" "Rocket, where is he?" "Rocket?" "Rocket, look at me!" "Where is he?" "No, I'm not leaving without him." "I'm sorry." "I can only afford to lose one friend today." "Kraglin, go!" "Wait." "Let's hold back." "Rocket, where's Quill?" "Rocket, where's Quill?" "Rocket!" "Where's Quill?" "Where's Quill?" "No, we need to stop it." "We need to stop it." "Stop, listen!" "Listen to me." "You are a god." "If you kill me you'll be just like everybody else." "What's wrong with that?" "No!" "He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn't your daddy." "I'm sorry I didn't do none of it right." "Damn lucky you my boy." "What?" "Yondu, what are you doing?" "You can't." "Yondu!" "No." "No!" "No!" "Oh no!" "I told Gamora how when I was a kid, I used to pretend David Hasselhoff was my dad." "He is a singer and actor from Earth, really famous guy." "Earlier, it struck me Yondu didn't have a talking car but he did have a flying arrow." "He didn't have the beautiful voice of an angel but he did have the whistle of one." "Both Yondu and David Hasselhoff went on kick-ass adventures and hooked up with hot women and fought robots." "I guess David Hasselhoff did kind of end up being my dad after all." "Only, it was you, Yondu." "I had a pretty cool dad." "What I'm trying to say here is sometimes the thing you're searching for your whole life it's right there by your side all along." "You don't even know it." "I am Groot." "He did call you twig." "Nebula." "I was a child like you." "I was concerned with staying alive until the next day, every day." "And I never considered what Thanos was doing to you." "I'm trying to make it right." "There are little girls like you across the universe who are in danger." "You can stay with us and help them." "I will help them by killing Thanos." "I don't know if that's possible." "You will always be my sister." "Pete!" "The captain found this for you in a junker shop, said you'd come back to the fold someday." "What is it?" "It's called a Zune." "It's what everybody's listening to on Earth nowadays." "It's got 300 songs on it." "300 songs?" "Wait." "Rocket grabbed the pieces and re-assembled it." "But I think Yondu would want you to have it." "Thanks." "Cap'n." "They came." "What is it?" "I sent word to Yondu's old Ravager buddies." "Told them what he did." "It's a Ravager funeral." "Yea!" "Yes!" "He didn't let as down after all, Captain." "No, he did not." "He did not." "Fare thee well, old friend." "Yondu Udonta, I will see you in the stars." "He didn't chase them away." "No." "Even though he yelled at 'em." "And was always mean." "And he stole batteries he didn't need." "Well of course not." "What?" "It's just some unspoken thing." "It's beautiful." "Yes." "And so are you." "On the inside." "THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY WILL RETURN." "subtitles transcribed by Scram.Cypher synchronized by Andrian Reid"