"Boy, they're heavy today." "Two Months Earlier" "THE FAMILY JEWELS" "This just hits the spot!" "Cheers." "Axel, don't bite Martin, he's our son, too." "Why aren't you downstairs?" "Are you feeling sick?" "No, no." "I'm fine." "There you are." "You look tired." "Now we're out of wine!" "Roman was supposed to get more." " I'll go." "Oh, it's you." "I came down to get some wine." "Me too." "Take these." "The expensive ones?" "Hey, what's wrong with you?" "Must be a hernia." "From that half-empty crate?" "What's that?" "Never mind." "If you don't tell me, I'll leave you down here." "I have an infection." "A swollen testicle." "Have you been to the doctor?" "That's where I got the pills?" "Did they help?" "Are you nuts!" "This is serious!" "It's gotten bigger." "What did the doctor say?" "I didn't go back." "That's a healthy attitude." "What are you doing?" "I want you to see a friend of mine." "No, wait!" "It's okay..." "Really, it's better already." "What about upstairs?" " We'll be back before they notice." "Vinnie!" "It's Roman." "I don't know, maybe we should go back." "Vinnie's great with people, you'll see." "There he is." "What kind of doctor is he anyway?" " "Doctor"?" "What do you mean, "doctor"?" "Vinnie!" "So glad you could make it." "Hey!" "How's it hanging?" " I'm much better already." "Don't worry." "I'll treat them just like my own." "I told you he's good with people." " I'd do it in the car, but I have a customer in there." "Shouldn't you get him to the hospital?" " He's in no hurry." "Okay." "Let's break out the family jewels." "Holy shit!" " Is everything still there?" "Hard to say." "Does it hurt?" "No, your fingers are just cold." "We'll have to go rectal." "Damn, I forgot my lube." "No wait!" " Relax, he can get more fries later." "No!" "Let's go, over there." " No!" " Come on!" "Over here." "You can't just drag me into the bushes!" "What?" "Expect me to buy you dinner first?" " Don't touch that!" "Now bend over and grab your ankles!" " Can we talk this ov-ahhhh?" "!" "That burns!" "Is everything OK?" " Nobody told me there was curry in it." "Great idea!" "So what's up?" " He needs to go to the clinic." "I've had enough of this shit." "It's no infection, that's for sure." "Then what is it?" "If you weren't in pain, I'd say it was a tumor." "This is absurd!" "Who is this Vinnie person, anyway?" "We'll take care of this." "Excuse me, how much longer?" "Mr. Schwarz!" "If you're ready..." "Now what do you want?" "More kidney dishes." " What do you use those things for?" "Arts and crafts?" "So you got your degree in the States?" "Boston." "Here you go." "Turn over on your side, please." "Looks like somebody beat me to the punch." "Just a second." "That's it." "You have kids?" "Me?" "No." "I don't suppose you've been to a sperm bank either?" "Well..." "You won't see Boston for a while." "Is it really a tumor?" "Whatever it is, it doesn't belong there." "We'll take a closer look tomorrow." "But it can't be," "I mean... a tumor, I don't have cancer?" " Now don't you worry." "You are in good hands with us." "The best." "Don't worry." "Bye Mom." "Where are you going?" "Do you have a girlfriend?" " What?" "Come on, tell me." "No." " You can always come visit me." "Room three." "Susanne." "What's your name?" "Martin." "Oh, and thanks for covering for me." "Excuse me." "I need a pain-killer." "And who are you?" "He's the testicle." " Right." "And what do you want?" "Pain-killers?" "Where does it hurt?" "Down here." "It's spreading." "It's the kidney again." "I'm busy." " I was just there." "Here we are." "Roll over so we can do your back side." "What for?" "In case they have to go in another way." "And we can't be shaving patients in the operating room, now can we?" "Mr. Schwarz, I need to know a few things before the operation." "Do you have any allergies?" " No." " Fainting spells?" "No?" "No blackouts?" "Not that I recall." "Hold on to your sense of humor." "You'll need it." "That's a lot of questions..." "It's not the partial castration he's worried about." "Castration?" " What did you think we're going to do?" "Anyway, the anesthesia can be more problematic than the operation." "Some people just don't wake up." "You're not nervous, are you?" "Nurse!" "Mr. Schwarz..." "Mr. Schwarz, can you hear me?" "Are you fine with one testicle, or do you want a prosthesis?" "I totally agree." "It'll balance things out." "Oops!" "It wasn't so bad, was it?" "How are we doing today?" "Can I please have another room?" "I'm sorry, but we're full." "I'd rather not mention it, but I am entitled to a single room." "Then don't mention it." "You can't put me in a room with a dying guy." "I've brought your books, so you can study." "Where's Dad?" "You know he doesn't like hospitals." "Aren't you entitled to a single room?" "Let's see how our testicle is doing today." "Nice, very nice." "And don't forget to give it a good pull, so it doesn't grow sideways." "Let's see it." "What?" "Let's see you pull it." "Pull!" "Yank it nice and hard!" "That's a good boy." "All right, we'll be back tomorrow, by then we'll have the blood tests back." "Let's hope we got it in time." "But don't you worry." "You're in good hands with us." "The best." "Excuse me, Doctor!" "About the single room..." "We'll talk about that next week." "And now to our Mr. Körner." "The wonders of modern technology!" "Every now and then he comes to, briefly, but the prognosis was bad to start with." "Progressive therapy-resistance, circulatory and respiratory collapse, and he's going fast." "Say, Doctor, did you get a haircut?" "Looks good on you." "Watch it!" "That hurts!" "Hey, it hurts!" "Doctor's orders." "Does it hurt?" " Of course." "What happens to your testicle?" "How should I know?" "Wait, you get your nut removed and don't even know where it goes?" "I can't believe that!" "I figured I had a spare..." "Ain't that a kick in the nuts." "At least I still have my sense of tumor." "She sleeps lightly." " All right, all right..." "A five-year-old has more brains than you, Roman." "Your brother should be in the hospital." " Don't worry, everything's fine." "I've just released him a little early." "It's not fine." "The blood test is in." "There's a problem." "What kind of problem?" "This is you and these are your..." "Nonsense!" "What am I doing?" "This is your testicle." "According to blood tests, the tumor has spread." "The lymph nodes are the first point of attack." "Only by extraction can we regain complete control." "Extraction?" " Two operations." "No problem." "But lymph nodes must be good for something, I mean you can't just cut them out?" "!" "You want the fine print?" " Yes." "There are, of course, potential side effects, though highly unlikely." "But it is possible that the patient can only ejaculate into his urinary tract." "And, as you know, the erection muscle is located here, in the lower abdomen." "If injured, you won't be able to have an erection." "But again, that's highly unlikely." "After all, this isn't our first time." "Can you guarantee that?" "Of course I can't." "But this can't be the only possibility." "There is another method, but it's not an option for you." "Please, if it's not too much trouble." "Do you know how chemotherapy works?" "You lose all your hair?" "Can't you leave me alone for once?" " I just need to get this signed." "What is it?" "Krämer." "Stop arguing with the doctor!" " Krämer?" "Oh, it's Körner." "He didn't make it, our Mr. Körner." "So, where were we?" "Chemo kills fast-growing cells, hair, skin and cancer as well." "And it takes at least two months." "If I'm all right afterwards?" "That's the thing." "You're at risk for five years, have to be examined constantly, and the cancer can recur at any time." "Don't kid yourself, it won't be an easy life." "And there are no single rooms in the chemo ward either." "But if it works, then I won't need an operation." "No, but we can't assume that." "But I can assume that the chemo won't work?" "I've told you what is best for you." "Do what you want, but decide quickly." "Your cancer cell count doubles every three days." "You know what that means." "If the doctor says an operation is best, then it is." "Mom, that's crazy!" "One slip of his knife and I'm a cripple!" "And what about your studies?" "Your PhD?" "I can't give up everything for that." "Martin, think about your future!" "That's what I'm doing." "Your stubbornness is just making it worse." "Have the operation!" "Then it'll all be over." "I'm sorry." "I'm staying here." "Wait!" "You didn't want any children anyway!" "You're back already." "The first time they cut me open, I spent two weeks in bed, crying." "How many times do you think they've cut me open?" " I don't know." "Guess." "Twice?" " Twice!" "Try again." "Three times?" " Five times." "They've opened me up five times." "And you?" "Once." "Pancreas." "Stomach." "Testicle." "Smoke." "Do you have a smoke for him?" "Sorry, but I really need to rest." "Oh, and we're disturbing you?" "Harry, I think we're disturbing him." "Could it be that you've had everything shoved up your ass all your life?" "Then you'll like it here." "They shove a lot of things up your ass." "Maybe we'll see each other in the ward." "Could be." "Looks like there's no way around it." "Let's see how you get around..." "without your fucking legs!" "It's that time again!" "What time?" "How are we doing today?" "Good." "And what have we here?" "Try not to hurt yourself with that, all right?" "Didn't we talk about this last time?" "You can get cancer from those things." "It's about time for you too." "Now be good and turn over." " Weren't you in the other ward?" "Nurse?" "The "gown."" "A perfect fit!" "And real sexy!" "Dreamy, isn't it?" "Now we'll take a seat and make ourselves nice and comfortable." "No!" "I want the doctor to do it." "Get me a doctor!" "Does someone need a hand?" "Don't drop me in the acid bath!" "Not the acid bath!" "Enough of this trash!" "This stuff's not healthy!" "Over." "Considering where you are, I think you could find a better pastime." "This is like fucking prison here!" " Keep crying and I'll cancel dessert." "Your chemo starts tomorrow?" " Yes." "And the TV stays off!" "I don't want any complaints." "Yes, nurse." "Excuse me, could you please turn off the light?" "How are we supposed to get better?" "Come on darling, lights out!" "Hey!" "Can't sleep?" "I wanted to read." "Before my first chemo, I was totally afraid too." "But they soon gave up, On the chemo, I mean." "What are you reading?" "Physics." "Great." "Don't worry." "If it's really bad, it sounds different." "Come on, I want to show you something." "Come on!" "Where are we going anyway?" " Not so loud!" "Help me move these beds aside." "What for?" " It's a surprise." "Are you from around here?" "Yeah, but I've been away for the past few years." "And you came back because of the cancer?" " What is this, an interview?" "I just want to get to know you." "I was done with my Master's and came back for my dad's birthday." "Something started hurting, so I went to the doctor." "What do your parents say?" "Not much." "My mom runs around like a headless chicken." "My dad doesn't say much anyway." "Way back, when my hair fell out, my best friend stopped visiting me, because her dad just died of cancer." "What about your parents?" "Dead." "Car accident." "But you must have someone." "I have an uncle, but he's always on the road." "He writes me now and then." "Are you all right?" " Sure." "Why?" "Always the same disturbance!" "Every time." "You mean you bring other guys here?" "It's that time again." "How did we sleep?" "See, it's not that bad." "You get used to everything." "Nurse!" "Hey!" "This way." "Come on." "What the hell..." "You got a problem with something?" "You can cut in front of me." "If you get your soup too late, you'll be on the drip all night, whining and crying, and we won't get any sleep." "Or did you think I'm letting you cut because I like you?" "Aren't you overdoing it a bit?" " This stuff would eat your skin." "You're going to pump that into me?" " Don't worry, there's no skin in there." "Anyone need a dish?" "We're right next door, just press the button." "Hey." "See you tomorrow." "Hi boys." " Roman." "Hi." " How are you?" "Pretty good." "I have to go." "You just got here." "I have to go." "I just wanted to I only had a short..." "Bye you bum." "Do you have everything that you need?" "If you need anything..." " I have everything." "...you just have to say so." "I also wanted to... talk to you, about... about the other day..." "I, well..." "Good morning everybody!" "It's that time again!" "Finally you look like everybody else around here." "I've been waiting for you." "Let me go!" " It's too late for that." "You can't escape me now!" "It's only just begun!" "Please, no!" "You're mine." "All mine!" "Those are the worst intestines I've ever seen." "They never get them right." "Too much red and not enough goo." "Two more." "I'm fine thanks." "I'm playing a spleen." " Okay between liver and spleen..." "Sorry, but there's no way a kidney is worth as much as a liver or spleen." "And why not?" "Because you have two?" "Play your testicle." "You only have one left." "A testicle isn't vital." " You can survive without a liver too." "Sure, if you run around with tons of equipment." "Come on, kidney works, call." "You're not serious." "Do you buy this?" "Let's see them." "Bye-bye..." "It's pretty easy to win a nut off you." "I mean, if they took my nut, I'd go get it right back." "It may be just a nut, but it's my nut." " Great!" "And what would you do with it?" "Who cares, it's a matter of principle." "I won't let them take something from me." "But you wouldn't understand." " As a woman." " Yeah." "Maybe I'll go get my nut back." "Come on, let's keep playing." "You'll never get your nut back." "Wanna bet?" "You want to know why?" "Because you don't have the balls for it." "What do you want to bet?" "A kiss from Susanne." "Thanks for asking me!" "Come on!" "At least we'll have a little action around here." "So what's it to be..." "Martina?" "After all, we're talking about a part of you." "You're such an asshole." " I'm just trying to help out!" "Okay, numb-nut is in?" " I'm in." "So where do they keep the goods in this joint?" "Here we are:" "Pathology!" "Let's go back." "I think we're on the right track." "You have no business down here." "We're looking for his nut, it's about this big..." "I just want to pick up my testicle." " Do we need a release form?" "Or a pick-up slip?" " I'd better get the doctor." "Come on, it's no big thing." "We'll even look for it ourselves." "The only way you're getting past me is on a gurney." "Know what I mean?" "Come on, Harry." "I think somebody owes me a kiss." "Nobody owes anybody anything yet." "Is that a fact?" "Maybe we'll still get his testicle." "Wait a second!" "That's not the way I see it!" "What's not decided?" "I said he'd never get it back." "Did he get it back?" "No." "I think that's decided." "Shut your big mouth." " I'm not talking to you." "You owe me." "Leave me alone." " What's your problem anyway?" " Problem?" "Thank God I'm getting out of this shithole!" "What's going on?" "Child Alarm." "That means a child is dying." "Harry..." "I'm going to visit you." "I promise." "Can you believe it?" "Last day here and I catch a cold." "Come here." "Mr. Nickel!" "Sorry to make you wait, but I wanted to take another look at you." "Please have a seat." "May I?" "Good." "Very good." "One more small operation, and you'll be as good as new." "Operation?" "Why an operation, if everything is so good?" "The last operation was a total success." "Unfortunately we did find something else and we have to go take care of it." "Don't you worry." "You're in good hands with us." "The best." "Take a look at them." "Why are they off the hook, and others get stuck with the shit?" "They're not really off the hook." "I don't understand." "There's got to be a reason." "Everything that lives has to die... eventually." "Dammit, I got my coat dirty." "Maybe you shouldn't have worn it." "And saved it?" "For what?" "It's not like I'll be wearing it next season." "You can't always hold off on everything." "Identity check." "Your ID's, please." " What for?" "What for?" " To check your identity." "But we don't have our ID's on us." "What are you doing here?" " Getting some air." "Or is that against the law?" "Let's see your arms." "Come on, let's see them!" " Don't touch me!" " Why our arms?" "That's it." " Yours too?" " Yes." " All right then, let's go." "Off to the station." " Are you crazy?" "Careful, young lady!" "The fact that you have no ID is enough for me to take you in." "And your smart mouth could cost you a pretty penny." "But we're patients, from the hospital over there." " And you get your medicine from the drug dealers over there." " You heard this one:" "What's green on the outside, hollow on the inside, comes in bunches, but isn't chives?" "Just a second..." "Can't we clear this up?" "That's got to be possible." "These two claim to be patients of yours." "But we think they're drug addicts." " Drug addicts?" "You're probably real nice guys, but to tell a couple of junkies from two cancer patients on chemo, that's just expecting too much." "No need to get so excited." " I'm not getting excited." "Just wait for the doctor to arrive, then you'll see who's excited." "I'd suggest you apologize, and then get out of here." "All right, sorry." "Susanne." "Sorry, Susanne." "What's wrong?" "In the drawer!" "The pills..." "Blue..." "Okay, the blue ones." "Much better already." "You don't understand." "A whole drawer full, of sleeping pills?" "What's not to understand?" " Give them back, they're mine." "You stole them, and I even helped you." "Nickel was right, you have no idea." "You're nothing but a tourist!" "You'll leave this place alive." "I won't." "Half-time." "Any problems?" "A sore in my mouth a cut on this finger... and a raw ass from the toilet paper." "Minor stuff." "Minor stuff... right." "Chemo has destroyed your immune system." "Your body can't heal itself, not even from a paper cut." "For your behind, and for your mouth." "And don't mix them up." "Have a nice weekend." "I'm fine." "Well..." "Good enough to leave for the weekend." "That's nice." "I'll be back soon." "I have to call my mom, are you coming?" "Bye." "So far, it's all going perfectly." "Perfectly." "I'll drive you in." "That way you won't have to walk as far." "I set up the hobby room for you, so there are fewer stairs." "And nobody will bother you down here." "Dad!" "How are you?" " Good." "It's all fresh, and totally organic." "I thought we'd have something special." " This is special." "Add some lemon, but not too much." "Now eat!" "I'm not feeling too well." " Then give it to the dog, he's too fat anyway." " Axel isn't fat." "He's just healthy!" "Have you looked at the brochures yet?" "The universities?" " No, not yet." "You should be thinking about the future." " I can't think about that now." "We have to look ahead, we..." "We have to stay on the ball!" "Our hard work has to pay off." "Axel bad!" "That's toxic!" "Where are you going?" " To the hospital." " Come on, get in." "Come on already." "Good evening." "Good evening." "They just can't figure out how this could happen." "Especially to you." "If it had happened to me, if I had gotten cancer, nobody would've been surprised." "Bullshit!" " No, really." "Nonsense!" " They wouldn't have expected anything else from me." "You're their golden boy." ""My son is studying in America."" "Well, the golden boy is done." "And I'm not going back to university." "At least for now." " What will you do?" "Be happy I'm alive." "Right on!" "Mr. Schwarz, back already?" "This place grows on you, like fungus." "Where's Susanne?" "There were complications." " How is she doing?" "You have to ask the doctor." "Tell me what's going on!" " She won't make it." "It's that time again!" "Aren't you feeling well?" "I've had it!" " Don't you want your food?" "You want something else?" "I want my testicle." "You certainly have a sense of humor." "Now eat up, like a good boy." "I want my testicle back." "Come again?" " My testicle." "I want it back." "You've got ideas!" " I'm dead serious." "But that's not possible." "Of course it's possible." "Why shouldn't it be?" "It's my testicle." "Only as long as it's part of you." "Once removed, it belongs to pathology." "I'm sorry." "Fine..." "How much longer does your finger have to be in there?" "What?" "We can't let them treat us this way!" "They don't own us!" "I'm going down there." "And I'm coming back with my testicle." "Hold on, I need your signature." "Thank you." "They sure are heavy today." "Come on, Harry." "Come on." "There you go." "Let's crack open the preserves!" "Come to Daddy." "Now what?" "I have no idea." "Burn it?" "No way." "Bury it." "We'll give it a proper send-off." "With the angels." "Are you all right?" "Never better." "We showed them, didn't we?" "You don't have too much longer either." "That's not how I meant it." "It's that time again!" "I hope I never see you again." "So do I." "So do I."