"Joey's not back from his date yet, huh?" "No." "I can't believe Donna's telling him her husband wants to get back together." "He's gonna be crushed." "We have to be here to help him." "Of course." "Man, it's weird for me to think of him as vulnerable." "He's like a superhero to me." "Not just because he always puts on a cape and jumps down the stairs." "Hey, how was your date?" "So great." "So you didn't talk about anything?" "Oh, we talked about everything." "Movies, sports, those commercials..." "... whereitseemslikeHowieLong and Teri Hatcher are married." "Unbelievable." "I know." "What a weird couple." "What did she say when you asked her to stay?" "I didn't get around to that." "But after tonight, I think she might want to." "Listen, Joey." "There's something I have to tell you about Donna." "Something she should've told you already." "Oh, my God." "We're related?" "Why so many cousins?" "No." "Ron called her." "He wants to get back together." "She doesn't know what to do." "What?" "I'm sorry." "I can't believe this." "This sucks." "There's no way I stand a chance against Ron." "They have years together." "Joey, wait." "If you really want this, you have to fight for her." "You have to pull out all the stops." "I've never had to fight for a girl before." "I've seen people do it in movies, but I can't make Donna choose me  bywinningtheSuperBowl  with the help of a talking dolphin." "I swear, we have 500 channels, and all you watch is HBO Family?" "Joey, look." "You have the advantage." "You're here and he's not." "It's true." "You know, this is your chance." "Yeah, you're right." "I can do this." "I'm gonna fight for her and I'm gonna win." "No, you don't need your cape." "Right." "Hey, Joey." "Look, Gina told me about Ron." "We need to talk." "Oh, I hate talking." "Wouldn't you rather make out?" "Look, I like the way you deal with problems..." "... butthisis serious." "Joey, I'm sorry." "I am just so confused." "Well, I'm not." "Okay?" "And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work." "But I need you to decide what you want." "Now, it's obvious how I feel, but you have to figure out how you feel." "I've only been on the receiving end of that speech." "So if you want advice on what to do now..." "... Iliketo pretendIseesomeone stealing my car and run out the door." "I just feel so torn." "Ron and I have a lot of history." "But on the other hand, things haven't been good for a long time." "I feel like things could be great with you." "But I don't know." "Then give me a week." "Let me show you what this could be." "Let me prove to you that you should be with me instead of Ron." "I don't know if I should make him wait that long." "I told him about you and he flipped out." "So what?" "You deserve to be happy." "Let me try to make you happy." "Okay." "I'll give you a week." "Great." "All right, I'm gonna go plan." "What are your three favorite things?" "Food, sex, watching TV." "See you, Ron." "Hey, Michael." "I'm trying to plan this romantic week with Donna." "Do you know any nice bed and breakfasts in the area?" "Actually, yes." "Mom and I went to one in Santa Barbara." "They thought we were a couple, put rose petals on our beds." "It was disturbing." "Hey, guys." "You called my friend..." "... aboutyourcomputer,huh ?" "Yes." "He came by yesterday." "Thank you." "What was wrong?" "Her UNIX kernel..." "... couldn't read command line prompts." "The frontside bus had stopped communicating with the memory cache." "I just love that a guy I'm related to says crap like that." "Anyway, he totally fixed my computer." "And the best part is he didn't even charge me for it." "Yeah, that figures." "What do you mean?" "You're a hot girl." "Hot girls get stuff for free." "Yeah." "It's true." "It's in the constitution." "Look, I know what I am." "I'm not a hot girl." "I'm cute." "You're a hot girl who doesn't know it." "Joey was telling me about those." "No, I know hot girls." "My sister is one of them." "Hotter sister." "One of four ways a girl doesn't realize she's hot." "Along with "went to a girls' school," "used to be fat," and "is blind."" "You have learned well, young Michael." "Well, say what you want, but that is not why he didn't charge me." "People don't see me that way." "You ever get a speeding ticket?" "No." "Hot girl." "Hot girl." "No, that's because I talk my way out of tickets..." "... usingmyintelligence." "I'm not a hot girl." "I am not a hot girl!" "I am." "What do you need?" "Great." "Gina, you're the perfect person to talk to." "I have one week to convince Donna to be with me instead of Ron." "I'm trying to come up with stuff that she might be into." "Give her what any woman would like." "Take her away to a nice hotel." "Buy her flowers." "Take her to a fancy dinner." "Great, great." "What else?" "There's a cool exhibit at the Museum of Nat" "You know where you should take her?" "We went to this great bed and breakfast." "They thought we were a couple." "They put petals on the bed." "It was amazing!" "You guys should do that again." "Howard." "Yard sale, huh?" "Yup." "Gotta make way for the new Howard." "I'm on Atkins, I joined a coed softball league." "So look out, world!" "Everything must go." "Except my chair." "I gotta have a place to sit." "On account of the gout." "So broken, huh?" "You know, I could probably salvage the motion sensor from this, but 50 bucks?" "It cost a lot more than that." "But it's broken." "How about 20?" "I don't think so." "All right." "How about 30?" "How about you stop hogging Joey?" "Hey, hot girl." "More free stuff?" "No, I paid for this." "Look, I know you think that "hot girl" is a compliment, but I don't." "You should see my sister, the stuff she gets away with." "When she wants something, she puts on this little act." "Oh, what a cute doggy." "I wish I had enough money to buy him." "Oh, you like him?" "I love him." "I love you." "Take it." "What?" "He's yours." "So you're giving this to me because" "Yeah!" "Because." "I am a hot girl!" "I told you." "Oh, that's so cool." "Oh, great." "Hog her now too!" "Come on!" "Okay." "I'm all set for Santa Barbara." "While I'm gone, don't do anything I wouldn't do." "You mean read?" "Exactly." "So, what do you have planned for Donna?" "We're going for a hot-air balloon ride..." "... winetasting,andthen horseback riding on the beach." "Oh, that sounds perfect." "We never did anything like that." "You think she'll like it?" "Oh, honey, if she doesn't, I'll talk some sense into her." "No, no." "You stay out of it." "I don't want you going crazy on her." "Why do you think I'd do that?" "You're the only person..." "... who's banned from two Kmarts." "I do not respect their return policy." "All right." "I'm gonna go pick up Donna." "I am so excited." "I just want this to work so badly." "I want her to forget all about Ron." "Joey, don't worry about him." "He's 3000 miles away." "Yeah, you're right." "Donna, open up." "It's Ron." "If he's 3000 miles away, he's loud." "Ron, what are you doing here?" "I'm taking Donna back to New York." "And while I'm at it, I thought I'd beat the crap out of Joey Tribbiani." "What do you think of that, Joey?" "Actually" "Kick his ass, Joe!" "Look, I'm not Joey, okay?" "He's Joey." "Damn it." "It's never the skinny guy." "I came to get Donna." "I'm not going back without her." "Where is she?" "She's not here." "She's" "Gone." "Yeah." "She said it was over between us." "What, she just took off?" "I could call her." "Can I use your phone?" "Sure." "Whatever you need, buddy." "Here." "You want some privacy?" "Yeah." "That would be great." "What are you doing?" "You said to fight for her." "I'm fighting." "But you just lied to that guy." "That's wrong." "Michael, you embarrass me." "Ron's had five years to prove they should be together." "All I want is my one week." "And if I have to be crafty, okay, then I will." "Then why did you let him call her?" "Because I suck at crafts." "Okay, we can't let them talk." "What do I do?" "Gina, I'm not gonna strangle him with the phone cord" "Oh, I get it." "Okay." "Got it." "All right." "So, what are you gonna do?" "I'm gonna take her away like I planned." "She doesn't need to know he's here." "I'll make sure Ron doesn't get in your way." "Okay, you think you can keep him in the dark the whole time I'm gone?" "I tried calling." "The phone went dead." "There was an earthquake." "All the phones lines are down." "Really?" "Wait." "Was that an aftershock?" "I think I can handle it." "You'll be okay." "All right." "How about this place for our next trip?" ""Nestled in the heart of wine country." "Private hot tubs." "Fireplace in every room." "A lovers' paradise."" "Come on, get a girlfriend, and I'll stop doing this." "Hey, I got a free muffin at the coffee shop." "See, what did I tell you?" "Mom, Alex has discovered..." "... thatasan attractivewoman, she can get stuff." "Yeah, now I've got Howard moving boxes down to storage for me." "This one's really heavy." "This is so exciting." "All you're having Howard do is move stuff?" "You could do a lot better than that." "What kind of stuff have you gotten?" "Free drinks, flight upgrades, concert tickets." "Piano lessons, SAT prep courses." "Wow." "A free muffin is like nothing." "I guess I should think bigger." "You better." "When you're on your deathbed you don't wanna look back at your life and say:" ""I wish I had more free stuff."" "Are the earthquakes over?" "Can I come out?" "No." "We'll tell you when." "Get back in the closet." "This place is so romantic." "Don't you love bed and breakfasts?" "I've never been in one before." "Which is weird because beds and breakfasts are my two favorite things." "I bet I know what number three is." "Yeah." "Baby tigers." "In the morning, would the lady like a Los Angeles Times or a New York Times?" "Neither." "Excellent choice." "What are you doing?" "I just wanna see if anyone called." "No, don't check your phone." "Why?" "Because we're here to get away from all this stuff." "What's so important that it can't wait a couple of days?" "My sister was supposed to have a baby." "Let all those worries just wash away." "come on." "Let's have some time, just the two of us." "Well, that does sound nice." "This is gonna be so great." "I have so many plans." "We're gonna go horseback riding  winetasting,hot-airballoonride." "See?" "This is so wonderful." "This is why I wanna be with you." "You do?" "Well, yeah." "Ron would never do anything like this." "He never made an effort to let me know he cared." "You're about the big gestures." "You're fighting for me." "He'd never fight for me." "Yeah." "But you guys had other problems, right?" "I mean, what you had was never really special." "Well, I wouldn't say that." "We're married." "I may have blacked out for most of my wedding day..." "... butI rememberthosevows." "If Ron were to do something to show you that he cared..." "... like, I don't know, fly across country and beg you to come back..." "... wouldthatmakeadifference?" "It doesn't matter." "He'd never do that." "Hey, look." "Donna, l" "I have to tell you something." "What?" "You said it was great I brought you here..." "... and Ron wouldn't do this kind of thing." "Well, that's not entirely true." "You didn't really bring me here?" "God, I'm gonna miss you so much." "I wanted to tell you I took your advice..." "... abouttakingit to thenextlevel with the "hot" thing." "Oh, yeah?" "Good for you." "There are men in our apartment right now working." "And I'm working it right back, if you know what I mean." "Do you know what you mean?" ""lt" is my butt, maybe?" "Sure." "Why not?" "Oh, no." "What?" "This is a bill from that guy who fixed my computer the other day." "He charged me 80 dollars." "Oh, I knew it." "I'm not hot." "I'm just cute." "Oh, my God." "I think I stole that muffin." "Hang on a second." "This does not mean you are not hot." "It just means you're not 80-dollars hot." "What about the guys in there?" "That's more than 80 dollars." "What are you having them do?" "A stereo system in-wall." "Subwoofer?" "I'll take care of this." "I rock." "I just got blondie a new stereo system, at cost..." "... withfreeinstallation, plus a trade discount..." "... froma gaydude." "Hey, it's Joey and Donna." "Wait a minute." "She was with you the whole time?" "Look, I know you're mad at me and you probably wanna kick Michael's ass." "But I'm trying to do the right thing, okay?" "And I think you two should be together." "So why don't you guys talk." "So, what do you have to say to me?" "I don't know." "What do you have to say?" "I don't know." "What do you have to say?" "I don't know." "What do you have to--?" "Okay, okay." "I don't wanna speak for Donna, but I really want this night to be over." "So, Ron, Donna loves you." "When we were driving over here..." "... shetoldme thatyou understoodher better than anyone in the world." "And that she wants to spend the rest of her life with you..." "... hersoulmate." "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me." "And, Donna, this guy has so much passion for you..." "... heflewallthe way  across the country..." "... tosayhe lovesyou ..." "... and that he's not going back to New York without you." "I've never heard you talk like this before." "Okay, so I got you started." "You guys can take it from here." "I miss doing you so much." "Really?" "Okay, let's call it a night." "Bye, Gina." "Take care." "And, Joey?" "Hey, it's okay." "No, I need to say this." "I just... ." "It was real, you know... ." "I know." "It was great." "In another time, another place..." "... it could've been something more." "I've never been the smartest person in the room before." "That's a lot of work." "I'm so sorry, honey." "Oh, that couldn't have been easy." "It just hurts so much." "Well, if it makes you feel any better, it could be worse." "Once at this high-tech conference..." "... megettingrejectedbya girl  was broadcast..." "... tolecturehallsonfour continents." "I feel like I've seen that." "It's been going around the Internet." "I'm so sorry it didn't work out." "Me too." "It was just nice having someone to take care of..." "... anddonicethingsfor." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "I mean, usually with me it's how little can I do  andhowfastcan Imove  onto the next thing." "Maybe I'll try a little more of this." "Want me to fix you up with someone?" "No, I think I've had enough of your friends for a while." "You want me to fix you up with someone?" "Thanks, Michael." "Hey." "Hey." "How you doing?" "I'm working on an audition for tomorrow." "Thought maybe I could use all this heartache and stuff." "You know, make my performance more powerful." "Check it out." ""Oh, boy, spicy sausages." "Mamma mia."" "I'm sorry you got left alone this weekend." "Where are Michael and Gina anyway?" "This place is just the way I remembered it." "Yup." "There's those rose petals." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH]"