"Fry, Geoffrey." "Fry, Geoffrey." "Having breakfast with Rico Suave?" "No, Mom and Robert sent me this from the time they was in Mexico." "That looks just like the hat you gave me for my birthday." "Don't worry, G. I'II have it back in your room in an hour, man." "Geoffrey, would you put these in a vase for me please?" "Yes, madam." "I got all of Vy's favorite things:" "pineapple juice, brownies...." "How did this Playboy get in here?" "I bought it." "It's a special legal edition." "The centerfold wants to be a Supreme Court Justice." "I had the hardest time deciding what to wear to meet Aunt Vy's new boyfriend." "I've never known anyone in construction." "Except for that guy in the village people." "Yeah, well, his daughter can sleep in my room, but if she touches my stuff..." "I'm stuffing her in the clothes hamper." "What?" "It's not Iike hilary never did it." "well, I am so excited." "This is the first time Vy's brought anybody home to meet the family." "could be serious." "No, no, no." "Not with my mom." "AII she's trying to do is get to her retirement plan and her rocking chair." "Is that why she's moonwaIking up the driveway?" "Divas!" "Look at you, baby!" "Hey, your complexion has cleared up." "Yeah, Mom." "So did yours." "Hey, you must be Robert." "You're funny." "You must be carlton." "well, no, you see, actually, carlton is the funny-Iooking one over there." "See, I'm will." "But you can just call me Your Majesty." "I may be small, but I'm not ignorant." "Everyone, this is Robert's daughter, claudia." "Hi, sweetheart." "Hi." "Hi, claudia, I'm hilary." "Hi, hilary." "Oh, my God!" "Isn't she the cutest little thing you've ever seen?" "Not really." "And I would Iike for you to meet Robert." "And isn't he the biggest hunk you've ever seen?" "Not really." "Where is Vy?" "Breakfast is getting cold." "Knowing Vy, she's upstairs freshening up." "Oh, no, no." "Not my mom." "First thing she does when she gets anywhere is... she kicks off her shoes... rolls her hair up into one of them twist joints... and goes and puts on one of my big old sweat suits." "Sorry, everybody, I just had to freshen up a little bit." "You like my new pearls, will?" "Yeah, but they would probably look better with one of my big old sweat suits." "You can borrow them anytime, baby." "Wait, Mom, hold up." "I put your favorite breakfast together for you." "It's waffles with boysenberry syrup... eggs, extra-runny... and sausage, extra-burnt." "Thank you, baby, but I'm eating lighter these days." "You want half my melon?" "Oh, baby, you know me like the back of your hand." "But I need some juice." "Anybody else want anything while I'm up?" "Hey, as long as I'm around, you're not lifting a finger." "May I?" "philip?" "I feel a little thirsty, too." "Robert?" "Do you mind getting Vivian something to drink while you're up there?" "And toss me a Pudding Pop." "The refrigerator doesn't open right." "You mind if I take a look at it?" "Be my guest, but the repairman said we had to order some new door hinges." "Yo, hold up, Robert." "I can take care of that." "Hey, G, I'm gonna need a screwdriver, a wrench, a T square... and about a week off from school." "AII done." "Oh, sure." "It's just gonna break again in 20 years." "Robert can fix anything." "He's in construction." "tell them, baby." "I'm in construction." "But keep your fingers crossed." "He's working on this big deal with the government... and he's expecting to hear from them any day." "If the deal goes through, he'II be his own boss." "AII right." "Yo, I'm working on a big deal." "You know, down at the restaurant where I work?" "I'm about to be promoted... to vice president in charge of keeping bums out of the entryway." "So, Robert, you know how to fix a broken dish?" "Sure." "You got any supergIue?" "I was talking about our satellite dish." "So am I." "well...." "Sweetie, why don't you show claudia our back yard?" "well, why?" "It's hot, it's smoggy... and plus, I won't be able to hear nothing y'aII are saying." "That's the point, big guy." "Come on." "So, did he pop the question?" "ashley, honey, where are your manners?" "I'm sorry." "Did he pop the question, please?" "Not yet." "But he's planning on building this dream house... and he did mention his-and-hers sinks." "Let the maids worry about the sinks." "What does he drive?" "The important question is, does his mother like you?" "She's dead." "girlfriend, you in." "I Iike your bracelet." "I bet it wouId look very cute on my little wrist." "Sorry, a friend gave this to me." "That's cool." "I'm not down with O.P.P. anyway." "You wanna see some pictures?" "Yeah, sure." "Whoa, that's you and my mom." "My dad took it in the back yard." "We were having a barbecue." "claudia, now, after this barbecue... you know, you guys had the junk and all the stuff in your teeth." "Did my mom have to go home to use her toothbrush... or did she already have one there?" "She used dental floss." "Okay, is my mom over your house more during..." "Good Morning America... or Arsenio?" "Or, is she like there for Arsenio... and then still there for Good Morning America?" "Are you trying to trick me to find out how serious they are?" "So, what, you think they're pretty serious?" "will, I know how you feel." "believe me, I've been there." "Let's face it:" "Those two kids are nuts about each other." "My brother, it's time you wake up and smell the PIay-Doh." "Hi, baby." "Mom !" "You haIf-naked!" "Come on, you don't want Robert to get the wrong idea." "You damn straight!" "You don't think I'm doing these butt-busters for my health?" "Okay, that's it, young lady." "You go to your room... in philly." "Boy, hush up and help me move this table." "Can we get started?" "I feel a little bloated." "Whoa, whoa, whoa !" "hold up, Mom." "How you gonna play me?" "Why you ain't hook me up with one of them pink jumpies?" "I couldn't find one with a fly." "And one, and two, and three, and four...." "Man, Jane Fonda got a butt like Arsenio." "Yo, I couId do that if I had the right outfit." "Maybe not." "I'd Iike to have kids one day." "Yo, man, what's up?" "Oh, man, you caught me." "I was trying to surprise you." "When you say "surprise," you don't mean like..." ""I'm driving down a big hill, and all of a sudden:" ""Surprise!" "My brakes don't work"?" "You got the same sense of humor as your mom, you know that?" "Now, don't be trying to distract me." "What you doing to my ride?" "Hey, your mom and I borrowed the car." "I saw you needed a water pump, so I picked one up." "Hey, that's pretty decent of you, man." "You need some help?" "Nope." "AII done." "She'II purr like a kitten." "My grandpa taught me how to fix cars." "That's fascinating." "Where'd you meet my mom?" "She picked me up in a bar." "Hey, man!" "It was an oyster bar." "You see, I was a little shy, so...." "luckily, she came up and she talked to me." "So, what'd she talk about?" "You." "Is it true you took your diaper off and ran around Sears naked?" "You're damn right, and I'd do it again if I had to." "Robert!" "It's Mr. KarIs from the Department of Housing." "I think this is the call, baby!" "hello." "Right." "He does have a certain gift for gab." "Yeah." "Hey, okay." "well, thank you very much." "I got the job!" "So what kind of marble do you want for those his-and-hers sinks?" "congratulations, Robert." "Landing a government contract is a hell of a deal." "I'd Iike to impart some words that I've always lived by:" "Mo' money, mo' money, mo' money." "That's beautiful, Dad." "I have to admit, success is sweet." "But having three beautiful women to share it with makes it even sweeter." "especially when they're triplets." "I'II get the munchies." "Hey, congratulations, Robert." "It's nice to hear you gonna have some money now." "I guess them old girlfriends gonna be coming out of the woodworks, huh?" "actually, your mother's the only woman I've dated since my divorce." "That is so sweet!" "Isn't it, philip?" "philip?" "I'm sorry, sweetheart." "I was looking for some beer nuts." "philip, I feel pretty lucky." "How about that tennis game you promised me?" "You got it." "uncle phil, no jumping over the net." "This is such a big night for Robert." "I wanna make him a special dinner." "Honey, save the rice." "You'II be needing it for the wedding." "What?" "Whoa, come on." "Mom, now look, I didn't want to bring this up, but..." "I was standing behind Robert in the mirror...." "Dude ain't got no reflection!" "Stop fooling around." "I really wanna fix Robert something special." "What should I make?" "How about reservations?" "Hey, what about will's favorite dish?" "It's not every day he gets to have his mom prepare him a home-cooked meal." "You know, carlton, you're right." "So, what would my son like for dinner?" "I feel like something exotic." "Okay." "How about Lebanese?" "You think Robert will mind swinging by Beirut?" "I'm sorry, Geoffrey, you better reheat the asparagus." "will's still not here." "So, how's the chicken holding up?" "I'm afraid it's drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford Center, madam." "I cannot believe will is acting like this." "Did I do something?" "Maybe it was a mistake bringing Robert and claudia here." "Vy, honey, don't be so hard on yourself." "I'm sure there's a good reason, and it has nothing to do with you and Robert." "Mom, we're starved." "And claudia's being selfish with her Pez." "carlton, you just have to know how to ask." "Now can I have Barbie's head back?" "Listen, will's not gonna show up." "Why don't you kids just go ahead on and eat?" "Good." "Good." "The WiIIster must be feeling pretty low to pull a stunt like this." "I haven't seen him this upset since someone told him he looked like me." "He's just hard-headed!" "I don't know where he gets it from." "I do:" "He gets it from you." "I am the understanding sister." "helen is the loud one, Janice is the flighty one... and you are the hard-headed one." "I thought I was the sweet one." "You said you were the sweet one." "When we tried to tell you you weren't... you wouldn't listen because you're too hard-headed." "As much as I enjoy these wonderful walks down memory lane, I'm pooped." "I'm going to bed." "Look, why don't we try to enjoy what's left of dinner?" "Wait a minute." "How can you eat at a time like this?" "Vivian, I can't get this out of my mind." "How can you say that I am hard-headed?" "Gee, Vy, I don't know where I couId have gotten that idea." "will, thank God I found you." "carlton, how did you know I was down here?" "Did my mom send you down here to get me?" "No." "Oh." "I snuck out." "I was worried about you." "well, as you can see, I'm fine." "will, you don't have to hide behind that macho exterior with me." "I see your frightened inner child and I'm here to say... come out and play." "You been watching too much Oprah, man." "You can never watch too much Oprah." "If it wasn't for her show, I'd still be in denial about my drinking." "will, look, I know how you feel about Robert... but you're not the only one who gets jealous." "How do you think I felt when you moved in?" "What, you was jealous of me?" "Sure." "You're tall... you're good at basketball, the babes love you." "Of course, none of that will help you in the corporate world, but... for the next year or so you're sitting pretty." "It was real nice of you to come down here, man." "You ain't seeing my girlfriend or nothing, are you?" "will, I just want you to know... if your mom abandons you and gets married... you'II always have me." "Because... well, you're like the brother I've always wanted." "Thanks a Iot, carlton." "For not hugging you, right?" "No, you know, for saying that I'm like the brother that you always wanted." "And for not hugging me, man." "Robert, I'm sorry, this hasn't turned out to be much of a celebration." "Vy, I'm the one that should apologize." "It was all my fault." "I was so eager for will to like me, I came on too strong." "So, how was dinner?" "Any leftovers?" "Where the hell have you been?" "Boy, time flies when you're running up to your bedroom." "I'm right behind you, carlton." "I'm surprised you even noticed I was gone, what with your man here, and all." "Don't you use that tone of walk with me." "Now, you sit your butt down before I sit it down for you." "AII right, but I'm picking my own chair." "Boy, sit down." "What a coincidence." "That's the one I was going to pick." "william, you have ruined... what was supposed to be a very special evening." "Yeah, well, you ruined what was supposed to be a very special visit." "It ain't like I get to see you all the time." "Why you have to bring them, anyway?" "I brought them because they're important to me... and I wanted them to meet the most important person in my Iife." "Mom, did you ever think about what I wanted?" "I mean, "Robert's my man." "claudia's so adorable."" "You went off and started a whole new family without me." "Baby, don't you know there is no family without you?" "Nobody can take your place." "I'm your mother." "But I'm human, honey, I have needs, too." "Do you expect me to be alone forever?" "Yeah." "I mean, you done good this far." "I think you're being very immature." "Am not." "You're the only parent I got, and I don't want to share you." "well, I'm sorry, baby, that is not your decision." "will, listen, I am not with Robert because he makes you feel bad." "I'm with him because he makes me feel good." "You're my son, baby." "I Iove you, I care about you... but I have got to live my own life." "Now, you can ruin what's left of this trip... or you can make it work." "It's up to you." "But, that's all that's up to you." "Hi, will!" "Hey, claudia." "You know, will, there are a Iot of advantages... to our parents getting together." "The guilt alone will get us both ponies." "well, no, I'm not into using guilt for my personal gain." "Temper tantrums." "That's where the money is." "You slay me, will." "You know, will, you would make a great brother." "I'm not so bad, either." "When you take me to the parks with you, I can attract more babes than a puppy." "What time is your flight?" "I hate saying goodbye to you, Vy, it's the only time I cry." "Are you kidding, child?" "You cry more than Richard Simmons." "Thanks for the hospitality." "Our pleasure." "Just be sure you take care of Vy." "Robert, hold up, man." "I just wanted to apologize for messing up your celebration." "Next time you come out, dinner on me?" "I appreciate it, man." "I'II be right there." "I guess this is goodbye." "I guess it is." "He's all right." "well, you all right, too." "In fact, you are the greatest son a mom ever had." "I'm gonna miss you, claudia." "I'm gonna miss you, too." "Thanks for letting me polish your shoes... hang up your clothes, and vacuum your room." "It was really fun playing Geoffrey." "What?" "It's not Iike hilary never did it." "Come on, claudia." "Bye, will." "Wait, hold up, claudia." "I think you're forgetting something." "But your friend gave it to you." "Yeah, but you're a better friend." "And besides, you can spy on my mom for me." "I'd Iike to impart some words that I've always lived by:" "Mo' money, mo' money...." "I'd Iike to impart some words that I've always lived by...." "Trying to be a professional here!" "english"