"(Shuffling)" "Gerry, man, why's it always me that does all the hard graft?" "(Gerry) Cos you're the one with the shovel." "(Man) Ah, right." "Aye, but even when there were no shovels, it's still me does the heavy, horrible stuff." "(Gerry) That's cos you're the one that's heavy and horrible." "Sewell, man, watch what you're doing." "I want straight edges." "(Sewell) What do you mean?" "It's pitch bloody black." "Make do with zigzag." "(Gerry) Here!" "(Gerry) Aw, shite!" "That was me last one." "(Dogs barking)" "Ha'way, activity!" "Step on it, Sewell!" "(Thud)" "Aw!" "Fuck, man, Sewell!" "You... (Sewell) Jesus, I need some bloody light, man." " Fuck it!" " Shit!" "Come 'ere!" "(Yelling continues)" "(Radio) 'Finally, a spokesman for Newcastle United 'described last night's theft of a penalty spot from St James's Park 'as an act of mindless vandalism." "'Head groundsman Charlie Harrison had just one word for it - sacrilege." "'Travel and weather coming up next.'" "(Sewell) I don't understand it." ""Sacrilege?"" "Well, it's, you know, making a mess of something sacred, like." "No, "mindless"." "That's bollocks, man." "We put a lot of thought into that." "Like you said, if you can't be a part of it, take a part." " (Kid) Dad!" " Ha'way, son." "Come on!" "That's it." "(Gerry) Field of dreams, eh, Sewell, man?" "(Gerry) We can be part of it." "I can see it now." "We get in there dead early, like, soak up the atmosphere." "We'll buy us both a huge cup of tea each." "Two sugars, dead milky." "(Sighs) And when the Magpies come out, we'll get up and go bananas, you know, like you do." "Then they'll kick off and we'll just be there, all comfy, like, in our seats, sipping our tea, watching our Toon." " Belter, eh?" " What are you on about?" "Season tickets." " Season tickets, us?" "!" " Why, aye." "Why not, like?" "They don't hand them out on the Social." "They cost about £500 each!" " So?" " So?" "!" "We're £500 short... each!" "(Sighs) So?" "You know what you and me need, Sewell, man?" "Aye, about £1,000 by the sound of it." "A mission." "What do you say?" "All we get from thieving and twoccing, put it aside." "Anything we think of, we do." "We dinnae chuck it away, either." "Pack in the tabs, pack in the dope, no booze and no glue." "We save everything up for our season tickets." "Well?" "There's a while till the season starts." "We could do it easy, man." "Right, you lot out of here." "And you two, you little fuckers!" "You're not supposed to be up here!" "Know what we'll get, when we get our season tickets?" "Something you and me have never had." "Proper pies?" "Respect, Sewell, man." "Are you with us?" "Come on, clear off out of it, you fuckin' little toerags!" "Aye, I'm with you, Gerry, man." "We canna fail, man." "Especially with that lass looking after us." "Who?" "!" "The Guardian Angel of fuckin' toerags." "She'll see us through." "(Ambient music)" "'Ere y'are, Son." "Oh..." "Ta, Dad." "Dad, did you make this from the tap?" "Aye, Son." "Is there something wrong?" "Hot's the one on the right, Dad." " I'll make you another." " No, no, you're all right." "I'm off out." "Take your coat off, Sewell, pet." "You look like you've been lagged." "I'm all right, ta, Mrs McCarten." "You must be sweating rivers in there with all that blubber." "I'm all right, Mrs McCarten, honest." "I wouldn't feel the benefit." "(Footsteps)" " All right, Sewell?" " All right." "All right, Mam?" "All right, our Sheara?" "Jesus, she stinks." " So did you." " Not like that, I'd remember." "(Girl) Still do sometimes." " Clare, what you doing?" " Got some stuff for Mam." " Still no Bridget, then?" " Nah." "It's been three weeks now." "(Squelching)" "You all right, Mrs McCarten?" "Never better, Sewell, son." "Never better." "Sewell, man, we gannin'?" "Where you off?" "Not be school by any chance, Son?" "I'm studyin' at the University of Life." "(Mam) My arse." "Sewell, man, can you not talk some sense into... (Sighs) Nah, I'm askin' the wrong person there." "See ya." "(Radio plays softly)" "(Sewell) So what's the plan, then, Gerry, man?" "Give us a chance." "I could murder a tab." "You've only been given up ten minutes." "That's a record for me." "(Sewell) Oh, Jesus." "It's starin' us in the face, man." " What is?" " Scrap, man." "The river's full of it, look." "Folk are always chucking away things they don't want." "They don't want them, cos they're useless." "Hadaway, there's loadsa money in scrap." " It's junk." " We gotta start somewhere." "Everything's worth something." "We just get in and pull it out." "We?" "!" "(Ambient music)" "(Sewell) Give us a hand, man." "(Gerry) One of us must look good if we're gonna sell anything." "Rule one - you might get money outta shite, but you canna smell like it." "(Gerry laughs)" "I'm trapped." "Gerry, man, I'm sinking!" "(Yells)" "(Gerry laughs)" "Shit!" "Gerry!" "Watch mud-monster, and you shall learn." "Practical science, like." "If you stopped at school, you'd know." "The bog first, then I'll get you." "Second rule of scrap - leave the real shite till last." "(Gerry laughs)" "Rag and bone!" " You're embarrassing, man." " I'm embarrassing?" "!" "Look at you." "Do you want season tickets or not?" "Course I do, more than anything." "Any old rag and bone!" "You're not the usual." "Does Terry know you're doin' this?" "You know, Terry, the gadgie who normally comes round." "You mean Uncle Terry." "Aye." "Hadaway you lying bastards." "Come in, lads, I've got something for you." "(Dogs bark)" "Eee, is that the new look, then?" " Eh?" " Pebble dash?" "You look like you've been stood the arse end of an elephant." "Away, you bastards!" "They're me son's." "It's a different one every week." "14 of them in the house last night." "They stink an' all." "But he gans mad if I mention it." "Anyway, lads, this is what you can take." "It's knackered, like." "(Screams) Get hold of the bastard!" "Shite!" "He'll murder me, he will." "His favourite, that." "He'll gan mad if that one's not in." "What's he doin' in the fridge?" "He's not a bloody penguin." "He'd be in the microwave if I had one." "See ya, lads." " If I live." " See ya." "Ta." "(Growling and snarling)" " Oh, hello, pet." " Hello, Mother." "Ah, you take after your granddad, you do." "No words, just all dribble and puke." "Never mind, your nana's here, pet." "Your nana'll always be here for you." "Shall I sing to you?" "Shall I sing, my little Sheara?" "# I cannot get to my love if I should die" "# For the waters of Tyne... #" "(Phone) #... between him and me... #" "Leave it." "# And here I must stand with a tear in my eye... #" "Not all phone calls are bad." "Clare, pet, I'd know if I'd won the bloody lottery." "# Both sighing' and sickly, my true love to see... #" "It'll be the Social... or the school... or the loan sharks." " Or Bridget." " Or your dad." "(Ringing continues)" "# Oh, where is the boatman, my bonny hinny" "# Oh, where is the boatman?" "Bring him to me" "# To ferry me over the Tyne to my hinny" "# Or scull him across that rough river to me #" "Are you sure this fella's gonna buy this?" " Why, aye." " Who is he?" "Ginga." "He's made a mint out o' scrap." "Oh, aye?" "And this'll be one of his branches nationwide, eh?" "(Knock on door)" "(Sewell) Knock louder." "I think he's getting deaf, old Ginga." "Aye, well, tycoons cannot have everything." "Hold this, then." "(Groans)" "(Crash)" "Huh!" "You must be canny hot in that snorkel jacket," "Harry Sewell's lad." " It's a bench coat." " A bent stoat?" "A bench coat." "A training' jacket." "Like footy managers wear." "Fucking bandages, what are you talkin' about?" "We've - got - you - some - stuff." "Jesus, I'm not deaf." "I know!" "I've seen it." "A knackered old fridge and a busted bog." "Bit of superglue, be good as new." "Thanks very much, lads." "Nice of you to bring it round." "(All) Aye." "(Clock ticking)" "Aye." "We thought you might pay us, like." "I've no money, lads." "I'm what's known as living' beyond the cash economy." "All right, then, tell you what I'll do." "I'll take the fridge off you in exchange for owt round here that you fancy." "(Cuckoo clock)" "(Gerry) What a crackin' start that was." "Sweatin' and heaving' all day." "Carrying cart loads of crap all over Tyneside." "And what do we get?" "A fucking cuckoo clock." "(Sewell) Ha'way, a magpie cuckoo clock." "Thank Christ for that, eh?" "Wouldn't wanna think we was wastin' our time, like." "Jesus, could murder a tab, me." "(Dog barks)" "Ha'way, it's that hound." "Here, boy, come to Sewell." " Must have been trailing us." " Following the stench of your coat!" "No, he just likes us, that's all." "I think I'll call him..." "Rusty." "He belongs to Matthew Brabin, you saw mad he is." " He scares his own ma shitless." " He's dead intelligent." "Intelligent?" "!" "Let's see, let's test it out." " Now, smelly hound." " Rusty." "Oh, aye." "Rusty, you smelly hound." " What does a season ticket cost?" " He cannot answer that!" "He could tap the number out with his feet." "They're £500, man." "He'd have nae bloody feet left." "He knows the answer." "He's too smart to wanna go about on stumps." "Here, I'll show ya." "All right, Rusty, listen." "This is Gerry, the brains behind our mission to get Toon season tickets, which, as you well know, cost £500." "So, tell us, how many pounds have we got so far, eh?" "Eh?" "Correct!" "(Gerry) From now on, Sewell, we don't waste a second." "And from now on, leave the bright ideas to me, right?" " Right." " Right." "#... passes the folks along the road, just as they were... #" "(Clare) Right, our Gerry." "Right, Sewell, hinny." "(Gerry) What's up?" "Em..." "Mam's been on the phone." "She's poorly so I'm takin' her round the doctors." "Don't you worry, Gerry." "Just me annual MOT." "(Clare) You not going to school?" "I have more periods than he does." " So what are you doing today?" " We've got plans, like." "They're up to something." "I don't know what, but it's not helping old biddies across the road." "Gerry, pet, look after Sheara for us." "Usual fiver, like?" "(Rusty whines)" "(Sing tunelessly)" "# Daddy can't buy me an XR3" "# So if I see what I like, well, I don't need keys... #" "Mind your car for ya?" " Oh, for Christ's sake." " Better safe than sorry." "Fucking Jesus!" "What do you want this early?" "To count our money." "No counting till the first day of the season." "That's tomorrow." "# Row by row they've assembled clones" "# All these lovely little houses with the no go zones" "# On the 22nd floor and the view is great" "# Smoke stacks, car wrecks, housewives wailing... #" "There's some pound coins there." "# No excuses, no more trials" "# Every happy ending lies" "# Closing the door, wishing for more" "# Closing my eyes" "# Listening to sirens harmonise" "# All tanked up it's an adhesive bliss... #" "Stop that dog!" "# I'm a product of the crack squad YTS" "# I've got a kneejerk reaction like the SAS... #" "Aye, three Gazza specials." "One with not too much chilli." "For the bairn, like." " Hiya, Gerry." "All right?" " All right, Gemma?" "Hey, Sewell, I haven't seen you for ages." "You up to owt?" "Eee, bloody hell, you have been." "That's not Sewell's man, Gemma, that's our Clare's." "Oh, aye." "Eeh, canny." "She's got a rattle an' all." " What's she called?" " Sheara." "Not another Sheara, they're everywhere, man." "I wish she was mine." "D'youse know Zack?" "He's goalminder for Whitley Bay Warriors." " We're celebrating." " Celebrating?" " Aye, look." " Eh, canny." "Aye, canny." "So when's the happy day, like?" "End of next year sometime." "Soon as I'm 16." "You're brilliant, looking after the bairn." "I'd say you were a New Man, Sewell, but for that old coat." " Come on, Gemma." " See you later, lads." " Later." " (Girl) Three Gazza specials." " Sewell, you dinnae still fancy her?" " Do you not, like?" "Not when she's goin' out with a gorilla." " And the rest." " Eh?" " I gave you a 20." " You never." " I did." " You didn't." "He did." "I dinnae see them that often, but I do know what they bloody look like." "(Heavy techno music)" "(Sheara cries)" "It's not right, man, bringing her here." "We canna turn down a spot of babysitting." "A fiver's a fiver." "Aye, well..." "I got her this." "Great!" "Give it her now, while she's crying." "That's her trying to tell you she's thirsty." "Here, babby, take a drink." "Maybe she doesn't like Tango." "I'll get a Vimto." "Bairns love Vimto." "She's not thirsty, Sewell, man." " Eh?" " Jesus, man!" "Can you not smell it?" "Smell what?" " Shit!" " Ah, that." "It's our Clare." "(Laughter)" "Gangway, lads." "And breathe through your mouths!" " Take her, man, Sewell." " What's he doing?" "Who's this?" "(Laughs)" "Ugh!" "Get up wind, all o' ya." "Sewell, man, rip some o' that off, quick!" "(Toilet flushes)" "Mam, you all right?" "Clare says you're not good, like." "Where's the telly?" "Dad, you bastard!" "Your bloody Auntie Maud, the old cow." "Got a fucking gob on her like the Tyne Tunnel." "What's he taken this time?" "Did he go into Bridget's room?" "You don't think I got this for nowt, do you?" " I'll put the kettle on." " You'll have to buy one first." " Have you rang the Social?" " What with?" "(Gerry laughs)" "Oh, come 'ere, Gerry, man." "You skive school, you." "You nick all sorts." "Drink all sorts." "You smoke, I don't know what." "You do nothing, you... except drive your poor mam mad." "How that bastard ever produced a lad as good as you," "I'll never know." "# Run a mile" "# Cos all the while" "# You're cramping my style" "# And bleeding me dry... #" "I think it's important to... you know, treat it as..." "well, a fresh start." "Clear the decks in your mind, and start again." "(Mam) Maureen, you're like a cracked record." "You said that last time and the time before." "He'll find us again." "He's a monster, but he's not an idiot." "(Maureen) Not here." "You're wasted in social work." "You should be a comedian." "We're only trying to make things better." "Aye, I know." "I know you're doing your best." "It's just... nothing ever changes, does it?" "Aye, it does." "The houses get smaller." "(Laughs) Aye." " So does the family." " No word from Bridget?" "There never will be now." "Cos we canna tell people where we live." "We are trying our best for you, Gerry." "You do know that?" "Oh, talking of which, to go along with the fresh start," "I've got a proposition for you." "Maureen, I'm too young for you." "You wouldn't last the weddin' night!" "No, it's just a little trade." "You do something for me, I've got something for you." "Something I know you'll like." "Maureen, I'm not going to school." "Purely no chance." "Oh, listen, Gerry, if you go for, say, just two weeks?" " Maureen, no." " Listen to her, Gerry." "Mam, I'm not going." "It's a hellhole." "You get taught nowt and treated like shite!" "You say you get that everywhere." "I don't have to dress like a prick." "So you don't want to know what I've got." "No, cos I'm not going." "I bet you do." "In fact, I bet you're there today." "Dressed up like a prick." "Two weeks!" "That's all you've got to do to get this... certain something." "I don't care what you've got, Maureen." "I'm not going." "Watch me mouth - I am not going to school." "And there's nowt you can do will make us change me mind." " Nowt?" " Totally, nowt." "Well, I never, Gerry McCarten turning' down a pair of free tickets to the football." ""Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest... chuck." ""Till thou applaud the d-dead."" "(Teacher) "The deed."" "(Gerry) "The deed."" ""Come, ceiling light."" ""Sealing night."" ""Scarf up the tender eye of pitiful day." ""And with thy bloody invincible hand..."" ""Bloody and invisible."" "(Sniggering)" ""...cancel and tear to pieces that great bond" ""which keeps me pale." ""Light chickens and the crow makes wing to the rocky..."" "McCarten, don't push me, all right?" "Can you not read?" "Maybe you're just lost without the pictures?" "(Laughter)" "Janine, you take over." "McCarten, stick to comics, eh?" ""Night thickens and the crow makes wing to the rooky wood." ""Good things of day begin to droop and drowse" ""whilst night's black agents to their prayers do rouse." ""Thou marvels at my words..."" "Where's the other lad, then?" "I don't know." "Ah, well, you want the same money, you've still got to plant them all." " Reeght?" " Aye, reeght." "(Growling and snarling)" "Stay, Rusty." "(Whimpers)" "Same shite as yesterday." "Later." "No gravy, ta." " You what?" " I don't want gravy." " You don't want any gravy?" "!" " I don't want any gravy." "(Sighs)" " There you are." " I'm not eatin' that." "What's up now?" "McCarten, hurry up." "You're holding everything up." " Did you see what she did?" " Don't argue, just get on with it!" "Bloody waste of space, that one." "'I dunno if I can stand it, Sewell." "Caird's being a bastard.'" "We'd get to see the Toon, but I don't know." "It's only a fortnight." "I just wanna chin him." "Chin him in a fortnight." "50p for the guy!" " What's up with you?" " It's only September, man!" "Well, that's our motto, like." "Be prepared." "Cheeky buggers." "(Sewell) One pound for the guy!" "First times..." "First times..." "Gemma?" " First time you?" " Did the lottery, miss." "OK, first time you did the lottery." "Describe what happened." "And use a simile." "Remember what a simile is?" "Saying it's is like something else." "It was like..." "Well, it was like a disaster, miss." "A disaster?" "!" "We decided to use all six of our birthdays as the numbers." "Me dad did the ticket." "We all tuned in and it started." "You know, with that gadgie sayin' "Activate the balls"." "Yes, hilarious." "Go on, Gemma." "Well, when the numbers come up, we'd won." "We're all jumpin' up and down, goin' mad... except me dad." "(Teacher) Why not?" "He'd forgotten our birthdays, miss." "Got to the shop and gone brain dead." "Forgot our Dean's birthday, my birthday and me mam's birthday." "Oh, dear." "So how did that feel?" "And use a simile." "When you'd thought you'd won and then you realised your father used different numbers, how did that feel?" "What did it feel like?" "Like a fucking great kick in the cunt." "(Laughter)" "Thank you, Gerry." "We don't need quite such vivid comparisons." "He's right, miss." "Good similarity." "What about your father?" "His perspective must have been very different to yours, yeah?" "Nobody knows, miss." "He's under the patio." "OK." "Anyone else?" "First times?" "Thank you, Malcolm." "We've already had your all too graphic recollection of the morning after your first vindaloo." "(Sniggering)" "Gerry, what about you?" "You must have an experience you can share with us?" "Oh, surely." "All the things you get up to?" "Come on, anything." "What do you enjoy?" "What's your real passion?" " Footy, miss." "He's footy mad." " Oh, yeah." "That's right." "A regular member of the Toon army, aren't you, Gerry?" "Not any more, miss." "He canna get in now." "But you used to go, didn't you?" "Course I did, miss." "Well..." "Right, what about the first time you went to football?" "I bet that was an experience." "Tell us about that." "Who did you go with?" "Your dad?" "Ha'way, Gerry." "Tell us." "I canna remember, miss." "(Gerry) I was small." "Dead small, you know." "Try, Gerry." "I was maybes five or six, I canna remember exactly." "There was loads of people." "Dead noisy, but havin' a laugh." "(Gerry) Well, we won, I think." "Go on." "What else do you remember?" "Me father's coat." "I remember me father's coat." "It were dead thick and warm, like a snorkel jacket." "I was cold, so me father gave us his jacket." "I put it on reeght round me face." "I'd never been so warm." "The wind was whistling round the ground." "It was rainin'." "Didn't bother me, I was cushty." "Me father kept lookin' down checkin' on me." "He was shiverin' in his jumper." "He didn't mind, as long as I was warm." "(Teacher) That's good of him." "At half-time, he bought us both two huge cup, steaming' cup of teas." "We drank them together." " What was the tea like?" " Belter." "Purely belter." "Two sugars, dead milky, like." "Dunno about similes, miss." "It were just like..." "like... like the best cup of tea ever." "After the whistle, we stayed till everyone else had gone." "We walked through a park to get a bus." "It was gettin' dark about five." "There was a bird singin' in a tree." "I dunno what sort." "Maybes one of them thrushes." "Whatever it was, it was singin' dead loud just as it were gettin' dark." "It was mint, man." "And what about your father?" "His perspective on the same experience must have been very different." "Should think so." "He's a fucking piss-head." "(Laughter and bell)" "OK." "Walk slowly!" "No runnin' in the corridor, please." "(Bell stops)" "So where are we goin'?" "We'll do CA's, Smith's, Boots, Marks and Spark's..." "Everything's A Pound." "Why aye..." "Everything's A Pound!" "What's funny about that, like?" "Sewell, we're goin' nicking', nickin' things to sell, for proper money." " Aye, I know that." " So how much do you think we'll get" " for stuff from a shop like that?" " Depends on what it's worth." "How much do you think it's worth from Everything's A Pound?" "I don't know." "They've got some good gear." "The most expensive thing, how much do you think that's worth?" " Or the cheapest?" " One at a time!" " It's the same question!" " Eh?" "I'll give you a clue." "The shop's called Everything's A something." "I know what the bloody shop's called, Gerry." "Well, then." "Not, Everything's A Tenner, or A Different Price," "Everything's A Pound!" "So how much is the dearest and the cheapest thing in there?" " So which do you want?" " Both, man!" "A pound!" "A fucking pound!" "Everything is a fucking pound!" "I know, I know that." "Jesus, I'm not stupid, man." "(Gerry) All right, Einstein." "You clear on the plan?" "While they're busy watching me, doing me decoy bit, filling me pockets... you fill yours." "Properly." "Right, aye." "Cos they won't see me, cos I'm blind." "Of course they'll see you." "They just won't suspect you." " Why is that like?" " Cos you're blind!" "Cos you're blind!" "Ah, right, I see." "Joke, man, Gerry, it were a jo..." "You're meant to be blind, man, you pillock." "Can I help you?" "No, thanks." "Just browsin'." "That's an unusual guide dog." " Where was he trained?" " Erm... in Wickham." "Oh, I know Wickham." "Whereabouts?" "Erm... in the woods up there, you know." " Woods?" " Aye." "An' all them fields round about." " Strange." " Why's that, like?" "Well, they usually train guide dogs in towns and cities, on streets, where people live." "Not this one, cos I live in a field, like." "You live in a field?" "Aye, woods, like." "Woods, trees, you know." "Out in the wilds, like." " Ah, whereabouts?" " You wouldn't know it." "I live miles from anywhere... wi' ponies and huskies, them Newfoundland dogs an' all, wi' the webbed feet." "It snows most o' the year." "Big castles." "(She sighs, Rusty whimpers)" " Browsing, you say?" " Aye, just browsin'." " Just browsing?" " Aye." "Not deaf, are ye?" "No, I'm not deaf, and you're not blind." "(Shop assistant) Stop!" "(Rusty growls)" "(Bell)" "Here, youse two are top set, aren't you?" "D'you wanna buy some books?" " No, thanks." " Take a look first, man." " Beauty, innit?" " We don't do Spanish here." "So?" "Why would I want a Spanish dictionary?" "You might go to Spain for your holidays." "How are you supposed to shag the Diego lads without the lingo?" "How about this, then?" "A hardback, a classic." "See, it even says "Everyman's Classic " ""A Sportsman's Notebook."" " What's it about?" " Footy." "Keegan wrote it." "Says here it's by Ivan Turgenev." "Helped him out." "He couldn't do everything, our Kev." "Ivan helped him, like." "You know Ivan Turkeyoff?" "Canny player." "Looks like a fish." " How much?" " About £800,000, from Dynamo Kiev." "For the book." "McCarten!" "What are you playin' at?" "You're supposed to be in the gym!" " I've got no decent kit!" " No decent kit, sir." "That makes two of us then." "(Whistle)" "(Chattering)" "You see, McCarten." "These kids, here, good kids who come in every day for years and years, sometimes going out the far end wi' nothin'." "You turn up for a fortnight, and what do you get?" "A bloody present!" "Aye, I've heard all about it." "All these kids, here." "They come here to get educated." "But you!" "You come here to get football tickets." "You know how that makes me feel, McCarten?" "Fuckin' sick." "That's what." "There's only one thing I can do to make myself feel better." "And that's to make this fuckin' fortnight a fuckin' misery for you." "Stop there till the bell." "(Whistle)" "Come on, you're chasing the ball round like a flock o' sheep!" "Let's see some positional play." "Two up..." "# You should have seen us gannin'" "# Passing the folks along the road just as they were stannin'" "# All the lads and lasses there" "# All wi' smilin' faces" "# Gannin' along the Scotswood Road" "# To see the Blaydon Races #" "Gerry, man, where you going?" "It's the end of the song." "We always do the house at the end of the song." "(Gerry) Not tonight, Sewell, man." "(Humming)" "(Continues humming)" "(Gerry) Stop that humming', man." "I canna help it." "Whenever I'm buzzin', I start humming'." "(Gerry) Ha'way, a vid in the bedroom, they're well loaded." "(Rattling)" "Hey, look at this tackle." "Lily of the Valley." "Lasses will be all ours with this gear on." "They won't." "It's air freshener, you don't spray that on." " Aye, you can." " No." "It's for when you've been, to clear the air." "What you on about?" "The lasses will think you've just done a shite with that on." "Don't." "You don't break into a house to nick air freshener." "You do living' wi' my dad." "This is gold dust." "Ha'way, let's get downstairs." "(Gerry) Look at this." "They don't even have to wash their dishes." "(Sewell) And look, a coffee maker, a toaster, a microwave." "Jesus, don't these bastards do anything for themselves?" "Ha'way, Sewell, we'll have that microwave and something for dinner." "That'll be better for our money tin." "(Woman) You always say never again and we always end up going." " Whenever her ladyship calls." " (Man) Oh, not that again, pet... (Is that Caird?" ")" "Who'd fancy a tart like that, with her tongue and tits hangin' out?" "Denise, I don't fancy her!" "Oh?" "!" "You spend a lot of time looking at her tits... (I bet he was an' all.)" "Why would I?" "When my wife's got the top tits on Tyneside?" " Honest?" " Uh-huh." "Are you gonna tell them that?" "Come on, then." "Ha'way there, me beauties." "(Suppressed sniggers)" "(Loud fart)" "(Woman) What the hell was that?" "Run for it!" "Fuck it!" "(Gerry) Run, man!" "She's at the friggin' door!" "Paul!" "Where are you, man?" "Paul!" "Cover your face, man!" "(Woman) Come here, you bastards!" "Paul!" "(Dogs barking)" "(Ambient music)" " Hello, lads." " Hiya." "(Conductor) Tickets, please." "Two and a dog to the football ground." " Here you go, son." " (Coins clinking)" " (Conductor) Cheers, now." " Thanks." "Ha'way, man." "I got them for free." "I was conned." "How was I supposed to know?" "Well, I don't know, do I?" "You're meant to be the brains." "I can't believe it." "She knows nothing about football, Maureen, the old trout." "Free tickets, she said." "She didn't say where for." "We're not going there to see them." "We're going to sell our tickets." "We'll get good money for these, an' all." "All towards tickets we friggin' want." "I just can't believe..." "WE'RE going to Sunderland." "Ha'way, Sewell, man." "Stadium of Light." "Stadium of Shite, you mean." "We're in the heart of enemy territory now." " Not a word from now on." " Man alive!" " See?" " What?" "!" "You speak pure Geordie." "Open your mouth again and you're dead." "They'll rip you to shreds." "And afterwards, we'll find a few scraps of your bench coat blowing along Roker beach, OK?" "(# Prokofieff: "Romeo and Juliet")" "Tickets." "Want a ticket?" "Want a ticket?" "Shall we just gan in and watch them?" " Watch Sunderland?" "!" " We're not gonna sell them now." " Fuck off home." " They've already got them." "(Cheering)" "I suppose." "Nowt better to do, like." "Stay, Rusty." "We'll be back at a quarter to five." "Dogs canna tell the time, man." "(Cheering)" "(Cheering and chanting)" "Not bad, eh?" "Not a patch on St James's, like, but, aye, so-so." "# If you hate Newcastle clap your hands" "# If you hate Newcastle, hate Newcastle" "# Hate Newcastle, clap your hands." "# Singing aye-aye, yippie, yippie-aye" "# Singing aye-aye, yippie, yippie-aye" "# Singing aye-aye, yippie, aye-aye, yippie" "# Aye-aye, yippie, yippie-aye #" "This is it, Sewell, me old mate." "Next season this'll be us at St James's." "The football will be better, but you still get a sense of it here." "I counted the jar again this mornin', Sewell." "We're almost there, son." "We're almost there." " Tell us that thing again." " What thing?" "When your da took you to St James's." " Oh, that." "Why, man?" " Nae reason, I just like it." "(Sewell) Why, it were years ago." "In them days anyone could go." "You didn't have to be loaded." "You just paid at the gate - stood anywhere." "It were dead cold - brass monkeys" " I remember that." "Me da gave us his jacket even though it meant he were cold." "He kept looking to see if I were all right." "He were freezing his bollocks off in a jumper." "He didn't mind as long as I was warm." "At half-time he bought us hot tea." "Two sugars, dead milky." "Better than this one, different class." "It were the best cup o' tea I've ever had." "Afterwards we stayed put a while." "Stood in the empty ground, just me and him." "We were in nae hurry." "Then we went for a walk through the park." "There was a bird singing' in a tree." "Dead loud, like." "I remember that." "Then we went home." "That was it." "Was it the best day of your life?" "Why, I dunno yet, do I?" " Sewell, man." " Aye?" "This is me first football match." "I've never been before." " Never even seen the Toon play." " I know that, you dozy get." "(Wind howling)" "Mam?" "(Tap dripping)" "(Shuffling and footsteps)" "(Door rattles)" "Bridge?" "Ha'way, Bridge, I know it's you, man, sis." "(Man) All right, Gerry." "Come on in, Son." "Come and say hello to your ol' man, eh?" "You b..." "Those are hers." "And that was mine." "Grow up, son." "Besides, all them years I fed and clothed you." "All them times I helped you out." "You fuckin' owe us, Son." "You cannot do this." "You gonna stop us?" "Don't be a prick all your life." "I mean, you're no bigger now than the last time I decked you." "How's your mam?" "I still love her." "You know that." "I saw her lip last time you came." "Must have been some kiss." "You might not like this, she still loves me." "She does." "I can tell." "I'll tell you summat else, we'll get back together." "Back like before." "Where's Bridge?" "How did you find us?" "See what I mean." "You'll never guess, Son." "Go on." "Guess." "What do I do, Gerry, Son?" "What's me job, man?" "The bins." "The bins." "You moved to my patch, you pillocks." "How much easier can she make it?" "She must want us back!" "You bastard!" " Happy Christmas, Kyoko" " Happy Christmas, Julian" "# So this is Christmas" "# And what have you done?" "# Another year over" "# A new one just begun" "# And so this is Christmas" "# I hope you have fun" "# The near and the dear ones" "# The old and the young" "# A very merry Christmas" "# And a happy New Year" "# Let's hope... #" "(Mam) Let's hope it's a good one." "(Maureen) Absolutely." "Without any fear." "(Radio) # And so this is Christmas... #" "Gerry, pet, be an angel and shut them curtains." "So that's what you're sayin'?" "You fell down the stairs?" " Aye." " Hmm, it's hard to buy, that." "How's that, like?" "Well, seein' there weren't any stairs, like." "I don't understand." "You could get him this time." " Get a court order." " (Gerry) It's last rites he wants." "Well, I don't think we could arrange that." "I dunno, you managed to mix up Newcastle and Sunderland." " You could manage anything." " (Tape rips)" "# A very merry Christmas" "# And a happy New Year" "# Let's hope it's a good one... #" "Aye, I know it's not the Ritz." "But it's cushty with you here." "Just belter to have a place to ourselves." "Just you and me, you know." "Aye, just you and me..." " and Rusty." " Rusty'll be nae bother, man." "You know that mad kid I told you about who was lookin' for his dog?" "Apparently he's askin' about, lookin' everywhere." "He's mad." "So would I be if somebody nicked me hound." "I don't think it was nicked." "He just lost it." "Aye, like you lost that Zak fellow, eh?" "Aye, like that." "You have lost him, haven't you?" "Haven't you, Gemma?" "Aye, he's gone for good, Zak has." "History." "I can't be doin' with tossers, me." "Give us a kiss, then." "(Whines)" "(Exhales deeply)" "What?" "Nowt." "Hey, I got you a Christmas present." "Oh, Sewell, you shouldn't have." "It's only small, like." "But it's gettin' bigger all the time." "You said it." "Hey, a cock's not just for Christmas, it's for life." "(Sewell) I wouldn't mind that, Gemma, pet." "(Gemma) Are you gonna get out of that bench coat?" "(Sewell) Not if I needn't." "# (Gerry and Sewell) Sleep in heavenly peace" "# Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way" "# Oh, what fun it is to see Newcastle win away... #" "There you go." "Sweets?" "!" "I'm 17, man." "Merry Christmas, lads." " And a happy new hearing aid." " Ta, son, same to you." "Ha'way, I'm off." "Where to?" "Out and about." "We've done all right." "We've got to be nearly there now." "Aye, nearly there." "Come on, Rusty." "(Rusty whines)" "Sewell, man." "Aye?" " Nowt." "See ya." " See ya." "(Cash register)" "# Are you ready, children?" "# When the snowman... (Radio) #... brings the snow well, you just might like to know" "# He'll put a great big smile on somebody's face" "# If you jump into your bed... #" "Oh, God." "What's up, Son?" "You've put..." "Christmas pud in the t..." "No matter, eh?" "Saves time, like." "All ends up in the bog together." "(Rusty whimpers)" "(Sewell) Cheer up, will you?" "It's New Years." "A day out in Whitley Bay." "You're into another new flat." "Near our grand total." "Toon's fourth in the league." "And soon we can get back on the good things in life." "I'm tellin' you man, I'm desperate now." "First thing when we've got our tickets - a bit of tac, some booze." "Go out and get totally peeved." "Pure radgie, man." " Sewell?" " Wrecked, smashed, eh?" " Sewell, man." " Pissed and stoned as farts." "Jesus, Sewell, man!" "There is no season tickets." "And there never will be." "Me old man found the money and took it." "(Sighs) All of it?" "Just after the Sunderland match." "That was months ago, and you're just tellin' us now?" " You had a canny Christmas?" " Aye, but..." "Well, that's why." "Cos I didn't tell you." "Look, I've got the money with us, what we've saved since." "If you want to spend it, I'll understand." "Have it, man." "It's yours." "Me father's a bastard, that's all there is to it." "Take it and be done." " (Tannoy) 'Next train to... '" " Gerry!" "(Rusty barks)" "You cannot give up on a mission." "We'll gan down the boozer and hatch a plan." "Gerry!" "All right." "I've worked it out." "It doesn't look good for this season, so how's about this." "If we canna afford two, maybe we can share one." "Me one week, you the next, or..." "I have first half, you second." "Or, maybe..." "Ha'way, me favourite programme." "You always see someone you know." "'Have you seen these teenagers?" "They work as a team." "'One about five feet, the other over six feet." "'Here one poses as a blind person, as they steal goods in the city centre." "'There's a reward for information leading to their arrest." "'They appear to own a rusty-coloured dog." "'The taller wears a bench coat of the kind football managers wear." "'If you recognise these youths, please call us now.'" "(Gerry) They may as well have read out our names!" "Rusty an' all!" "Even your bench coat got a mention." "All Tyneside will be looking for us." " What are we gonna do?" " Pure and simple, Sewell." "First off, we've gotta, you know, get rid of it." "I like it, but it's a dead giveaway." "I can't do that." "It's dangerous." "You have to get rid." "I can't." "I've had it for four years." " What?" " Me coat, I've had it four years." "Not your bench coat." "There's something else that's gotta go." "(Rusty barks)" "Aw, you can't mean it." "That Matthew will have seen us." " I can 'ave him easy." " He's a radgie, man." "A psycho." "I can't do it." "I can do me bench coat..." "at a push, but I can't do that." "You do it." "I can't." "You do it." "(Rusty whines)" "Don't worry, it's for the best." "I love that dog." "(Gerry) Sorry it's gotta end this way, Rusty." "We can't have people seeing you now, can we?" "You've been a really nice dog." "But you're also a dead giveaway." "You've been a good dog, but, well, you know... (Rusty whimpers)" "(Tin can rattles)" "(Gerry) Bridget?" "You all right, Gerry?" "Where've you been all this time?" "Where've you been sleepin'?" "Floors, mainly..." "floors, friends'." "What you on?" "Owt, man, Gerry." "Tac, E, Wobbly Eggs, poppers, smack." "What about you?" "Still going mental on tac?" " I've stopped..." " Are you carryin'?" "I told you..." "You must have something, I know what you're like, anything." "I am your sister." "I'm desperate." "Couple of quid, anything." "Ha'way, man, I'm beggin' you." "I need help." "You fuck!" "How's Mam?" "She misses you, man, Bridge." "We all do." "We've moved again." "He won't find us now." "It's a canny flat." "And I've sorted out your room." "Brought your stuff in, your poster..." "Gerry, it doesn't matter where it is." "It's not home any more." " This is my life." " We can do those things we used to." "Aye, so can me dad." "I'll look after ya." "It wasn't just his fists, you know, Gerry." "Gerry?" "Let us tell you where the flat is." "Gerry, I don't wanna know." "Anyway, what are you doing round here?" "Havin' a day out, like..." "with Sewell." "Sewell?" "Is he still wearin' that bench coat?" "I bloody hope not." "D'you want a burger?" "I'll get you a burger, eh?" "Gerry!" "Deep down, you're still nothing but a bloody angel, aren't you?" "Fuck!" "I'm not losin' it, Gerry, man." "I've decided." "I'll wear it inside out, but that's the limit." "Besides, it helps with that other matter." "I've been thinking about that too and it's sorted." "All I've gotta do is wear 'im." "Wear 'im?" "!" "You know, under me bench coat, like." "What are you on about?" "You big soft lad, you." "I knew you couldn't do it." "Tying him to a post, like." "Is that the best you could do?" "You can't keep him under your bench coat forever." "Just till Gateshead, then I'll give him to Gemma - till it's all blown over." " Gemma?" " Aye, seein' her now, man." "You're jokin'." "Why?" "Well, you're you, and Gemma's Gemma." "Anyway, she's engaged to that orang-utan." "That's all over, that is." "Who's gonna pull your head out of your arse first - mad dog Matthew or Gemma's fella?" " I'm Gemma's fella." " He's an ice-hockey player." " So?" " Have you not seen them on telly?" "They gan fucking mental." "He won't come after you alone." " He'll have the whole squad." " Poofs, I can have that lot." "(Rusty barks)" "Shearer shoots." "One nil!" "(Cheering)" "Hey, Gerry, man." "This time next year, eh?" "You'll be dead, with a hockey stick up your arse." "Shearer..." "Two nil!" "(Crowd cheer) 'Shearer, Shearer... '" "What are you thinking, Gerry, man?" "(Sewell) It's a mad plan, this, Gerry." "(Gerry) We'll never find out if we miss the bloody bus." "Two minutes." "I just said I'd see her for two minutes." "(Ship horn)" "All reeght, lads?" "(All) All reeght?" "Hey, youse look smaller than you do on telly." "New bench coat, Sewell, like?" "'Bout time." "Sewell, pet, I've got you some bait." "I know you'll eat most being so fat, like." "But it's for you too, Gerry." "Doorsteps and cans." "Ain't she the best, man?" "I don't know." "You TV celebs get all the perks, like." "Ha'way, Sewell, I need a word." "Are they shaggin', like?" "(2nd Boy) What are you?" "Inspector fuckin' Morse?" " (3rd Boy) So where youse goin?" " Nowhere." "(1st Boy) Is that what the careers officer said?" "Gerry, man... bag o' lucky dip." " Nah." " Ha'way, man." "A fiver, like." "Sewell an' me's off all that now." "Why, like?" "Ha'way, Sewell, man." "Let's get gannin' bef..." "Oh, fuck!" "The psycho bollocks." "Sewell, man!" "He's radgie off his head." "For God's sake, fuckin' run!" "See ya." "Don't ye move, man." "Don't ye fuckin' move." "You took me dog." "He's mine, and you took him." "Mine!" "I didn't take him, he... (Matthew growls, Sewell yells)" "(Nervous laughter)" "I didn't take him." "He followed us." "Stay!" " See you later, Gemma." " See you, Sewell." "What about the hound?" "You can't leave Rusty." "You love him, you daft bloody git." "I've got someone else to love now." "What's so funny, like?" "What are you smilin' at?" " I'm just happy, man." " High more like." "What are you on?" "Life, man, just life." "She's still lookin' after us, Sewell, eh?" "You don't think this lot's after season tickets, do you?" "No." "Nae one else is that smart." "(Excited shouting)" "(Crowd chant) Shearer!" "Shearer!" "(Both) Alan!" " Mr Shearer!" " Alan!" "(Sewell) Mr Shearer!" "Alan!" " Mr Shearer!" " Alan!" "(Continue shouting)" "(Crowd chanting in stadium)" "What can I do for you, lads?" "Can you give us a pair of season tickets?" "One'll do, like, if you canna manage two." "Gerry, man, what did you expect?" "Respect, man." "I'll make them take notice of us." "Yeah, yeah." " What are you doin'?" " Get in." " Gerry, man." " Just get in, will you!" "(Starts engine)" "Gerry, I don't think this is one of your better idea..." "# You are my guiding light" "# And you're shining brighter... #" "Ha'way, Sewell, what a motor!" "Right little fanny magnet this." "Ah, Jesus!" "Gerry, man!" " What?" " This isn't ANY fanny magnet." "It's Alan bloody Shearer's fanny magnet!" " Eh?" " This is all his fan mail here." "We're in Alan Shearer's bloody motor, man." "(Gerry laughs) Aye, that'll teach him to laugh at us." "Ha'way, Sewell, man." "He's got a CD player." "What's he got?" " Oh, no, Alan." " What?" "It's all the old tarts." "Des'ree, Natalie Umbroolioolia." "Gabrielle?" "!" "You know that slapper with the patch?" " Oh, no, no, Alan." " What now?" "Celine friggin' Dion!" "(# Gabrielle:" "Dreams)" "(Gerry) We'll have to wreck it somewhere." "(Sewell) We canna wreck it, it's Shearer's." "(Gerry) We canna keep driving it for the same reason." "Great plan, Gerry, man." "Ask Alan Shearer for season tickets, and end up twoccing his bloody motor." "Hey, but, man, at last, eh?" "Eh?" " At last, what?" " Something to tell me grand bairns." "# I knew we'd be together" "# And that you'd be mine" "# I want you here forever" "# I can't believe you're here but I know that you're real" "# I know what I want and baby it's you" "# Can't deny my feelings" "# Because they are true, yeah" "# Dreams can come true" "# Look at me, babe, I'm with you" "# You know you've got to have 'em" "# You know you've got to be strong" "# Dreams can come true... #" "(Sewell) It's gotta be around here somewhere." "(Gerry huffs) What?" "(Sewell) Newcastle." "# I'd seen you sometimes on your own and... #" "Sewell, man, have you ever wondered why..." "we are..." "like we are?" "What?" "Bloody hungry and fucking lost?" "No, I mean, what decides - you're going to be brainy, you're not, you're going to be lucky, you're not, you're gonna have, you're gonna have not." "Like, you're gonna be Bobby Robson, you're gonna be Gullit?" "Aye." "You're gonna be top-drawer and you're gonna be scum." "Cos that's what we are, you know." "(Sewell) Aye, top-drawer." "Jesus, man!" "What are you doin'?" "If I wanted to listen to a whining arsehole, I'd fart." "Are you goin' for a dip?" "# You know you got to be strong" "# Dreams can come true" "Belter, man!" "It's purely belter!" "Ha'way, man, get your kit off!" "# You know you got to be strong... #" "It's freezing." "It's fucking freezing, man!" "It's cushty." "(Laughter)" "(Sewell) Ah, I could eat a scabby donkey, me." "(Gerry laughs) Aye, and all we've got's a scabby fish." "So where did you learn that?" "Fishin' with your mitts?" "Me dad learned us, when I was a bairn." "Did he learn you lots of stuff, your old man?" "Me dad's not me old man." "I live wi' me granddad." "I just call him me dad." "I never knew me real dad... or me mam." "What happened to them?" "Nowt." "They just went away, like." "I was just something that they... didn't need." "Do you not... you know, want to find them?" "I'd only kill 'em." "Maybes that's what I was on about." "You know, what makes you what you are." "Maybes that's it." "A good dad, one that loves you, wants you and that." "A good dad." "That's what I'm gonna be." "Aye, me too." "No, Gerry, man." "I mean soon." "I'm gonna be a father." "Gemma's... you know." "You sure it's yours?" "Fuck off!" "Gemma's a lady." "Gemma's Gemma, and she's 15." "So we'll have longer together." "You could always..." "it's not too late..." "I'm happy about it, right?" "Dead happy." "Happier than I've ever been in my whole life." "Right?" "Jesus, man!" "What's that?" "I thought we gave all that up for our season tickets." "No team's that good, Gerry, man." "Gerry, man." "The season ticket thing..." "That was just about havin' a bit of fun, right?" "Something to do?" "Was?" "It was great, but..." "it was just a game." "Dreamin' of better things, like." "Being something." "I don't have to dream any more." "(Techno music)" "I couldn't nick a bit of ribbon off you, could I?" "Course you can, love." "(Man) 'Two little ducks, 22.'" "(Sirens)" "Them famous steps, it's 39." "Those lovely legs, 11." "(Whistling)" "Top of the shop, blind 90." "Two fat ladies, 88." "Gerry, are you all right, Son?" "I only need one." "I only need number eight." "Eight, come on." "This is it, number eight." "Eight, eight." "Alan Shearer, number nine." "(Woman screams) House!" "Ah, fuck!" "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "The University of Life, Son." "You've just graduated!" "House call on number nine." "Checking for any more calls on number nine?" "Checking one call for number nine." "You all right, Mam?" "I think I'm sick this time, Son." "The doctor says you'll be all right." "What would he know?" "He's only 11." "Nah, Son." "Think I'm knackered." "Gerry, pet, let us get some rest, will you?" "I'm tired." "(# The Prodigy: "Firestarter")" "(Car horn)" "# I'm the trouble starter, punking instigator" "# I'm the fear addicted danger illustrated... #" " Hiya." " I got you a tea." "Ta." "I got you this." "It's massive, man, Sewell." "Aye, but, you're scoffing for two now, like." "I'm 15, man." "I cannot handle all that stuff." "I had to do it, Sewell." "I had no choice." "If he'd found out, that would've been it." "Sewell, man, you're a dead nice lad, and I love you loads." "It's just Zak's got a job..." "a future." "And you've got..." "I've got a chance, you know, a real chance to have a decent life." "You understand that, don't you?" "Sewell?" "(# Prodigy: "Firestarter")" "You, you bastard!" "# I'm the trouble starter, punking instigator" "# I'm the fear addicted, danger illustrated... #" "(Players shout)" "(# "Always On My Mind" on karaoke)" "# Maybe I didn't treat you" "# Quite as good as I should have" "# Maybe I didn't love you" "# Quite as often as I could" "# Little things I should have said and done" "# I just never took the time" "# You were always on my mind" "# You were always on my mind... #" " Mam's sick." " Eh?" "She's in hospital, man." "Do I look like somebody who gives a fuck?" "# All those lonely... #" "You should do." "You put her there!" "# And I guess I never told you... #" "Dad!" "Dad!" "# I'm so happy that you're mine... #" " Dad!" " Ah, jeez, fuck off, Son, eh?" "# If I said you were second best" "# Girl, I'm so sorry I was blind" "# You were always on my mind" "# You were always on my mind" "# So tell me" "# Tell me that our true love hasn't died" "# Girl, tell me" "# Give me one more chance to make you satisfied" "# Satisfied #" "Fuck, Sewell, man." "What happened?" "You should see the state of them." "What are you doing, man?" "I'm like you, man, Sewell, still waitin' for them better things." "I hope you're right proud of yourself, you big fucking twat!" "You were meant to see us through!" "(Thunder rumbles)" "So what made you come here?" "I dunno." "It's the only way." "All in one job." "One big job." "Are you with us?" " Yeah, when though?" " Today." " Today?" " Now." "Where?" "Dunno, wherever we are when we've finished the song." " No turning back, right?" " No turning back." "It'll be great, man." "We'll be sittin' in our own seats." "We'll go to every match." "# Ah, me lads, you shoulda seen us gannin'... #" "Aye, drinkin' our tea." "Two sugars, dead milky." "# Passin' the folks along the road just as they were stannin'... #" " No one annoying us." " Belter." "Purely belter." "# Lads and lasses there all with smiling' faces" "# Ganin' down the Scotswood Road to see the Blaydon Races #" "Fuck!" "Gerry, man, are you sure?" " No turnin' back, right?" " Aye, but... what's the plan, like?" "There isn't one." "Take your jacket off." "Ha'way, Gerry, son." "You all right?" "You all right, Sewell?" " All right, Auntie Maud." " Mrs Jackson." "What are you two playing' at?" "You look like you're robbing' the bank." "No, just... just cold, like." "How's your mam?" "I hear she's had a turn, like." "Look, we canna stop, Auntie Maud, we're in a rush, like." "Aye, no rest for the wicked, eh?" " See ya." " See ya." "Stay here." " Next window, please." " (Muffled) I'm robbin' the bank." " Sorry?" " I'm robbin' the bank!" "Next window, please." "(Incoherent)" "Sorry?" " Give us a thousand pounds." " Got an account number?" "No, but I've got a fuckin' gun!" "Come on now, son." "A joke's a joke." "This isn't a fuckin' joke!" "Laugh again and I'll blow your head off!" "Now give us a thousand pounds!" "Give him the money..." "or this fella gets it!" "All right." "All right, now calm down." "Just a thousand." "(Gerry) Erm... yeah." " You only want a thousand?" " Yeah." " How do you want it?" " What?" "!" "How do I want it?" "I don't know." "Quickly!" "I've only got 300 in my drawer, I'll have to go back there." "All right." "But don't you dare press any buttons." "(Hostage) That's just a coat." "You haven't got a gun." "You can't be sure." "(Hostage) Pretty sure." "There's nothin' in there." "(Gerry) Come on." "Come on!" "Not 100% sure though, though, are you?" " 99." " Well, then..." "Take a walk if you feel lucky." "Do you feel lucky... punk?" "Actually, I do, quite." "Gerry, man." "Don't use my friggin' name, Sewell, man." "Ah, shite!" "Good God, man!" "(Sewell) Jesus, man!" " Give it here, man." "Give it here!" " (Sirens)" "You fucker, man!" "Give it here!" "Give it, man." "(Sewell) Ha'way, Gerry, man." "I mean, Kevin, man." "Let's go!" "Leave it!" "Armed police!" "(Shouting)" "Armed police!" "Hold it!" "It was only for our tickets." "That's all." "(Gerry) Nearly a fuckin' year." "And this is all we've got." "Are we gonna split it, like?" "Fifty-fifty?" "It's not funny, Sewell, man." "We can give it to me dad when he visits." "He can bury it somewhere." "He'll never remember where he buried it, like, but..." "If he did, we could escape and fly to Spain." "Splash out on a couple of season passes to Juventus." "Two teas." "Can I have mine more milky?" " Which one's McCarten?" " Me." "Er, the hospital's been on." "There's some bad news, like." "In the silence of this hour, speak to us of eternal things, that through comfort of the scriptures we may have hope, and be lifted above our darkness into the light of thy presence." "Through Jesus Christ Our Lord, Amen." "And now we say a final farewell to a much loved and fondly cherished member of our community." "A loyal friend, doting father, a loving husband... cruelly taken from us during a moment's lack of concentration crossing the inner ring road late last Thursday night." "We will all miss Billy McCarten." "Thank fuck the bus driver didn't." "Please all stand for the hymn, Now Thank We All Our God." "(All snigger)" "Despite hearing very positive accounts regarding the characters of these two youths, it would be remiss to ignore the gravity of this misdemeanour." "Your spelling's coming on." "The evidence heard plainly indicates that this was hardly the work of hardened criminals." "Indeed, the fact the accused put a ceiling limit on their demands leads one to suspect this was quite clearly a first-time effort." "In the hope that it will also be a LAST time," "I sentence Gerald McCarten and James Sewell each to 200 hours' community service over the next 12 months." "It'll fly by." " Hello, lads." " There you are, Miss Whittaker." "Thank you." "(Engine)" "(Doorbell)" " Here you are, Mrs Snowden." " Thank you, dear." "Thank you." "(Bored whistling)" "(Doorbell)" "All right, Mrs Nelson." " Hello, Beryl, pet." " Hiya, big lads." " How are youse two?" " All right, Beryl, pet." "You?" "All the better for seeing you." "Come in." "Come in." " Here you are, Beryl." " Thanks, me little angels." "Aye!" "It's nearly time, lads." "Your tea's on the side there." " I'll see you later." " Thanks, Beryl." "See you later, Beryl." " Belter, eh?" " Aye, purely belter." "# Daddy can't buy me an XR3" "# So if I see what I like, well, I don't need keys" "# I'm gonna race all day round the country lanes" "# Far away from the tube and the sirens wailing" "# Row by row they've assembled clones" "# All these lovely little houses with the no go zones" "# On the 22nd floor and the view is great" "# Smoke stacks, car wrecks, housewives wailing" "# No excuses, no more trials" "# Every happy ending lies" "# Closing the door, wishing for more" "# Closing my eyes" "# Listening to sirens harmonise" "# All tanked up it's an adhesive bliss" "# I know everyone around me sees the world like this" "# I'm a product of the crack squad YTS" "# I've got a kneejerk reaction like the SAS" "# No excuses, no more trials" "# Every happy ending lies" "# Someone's laughing, someone cries" "# No one's happy all the time" "# Row by row they've assembled clones" "# All these lovely little houses with the no go zones" "# On the 22nd floor and the view is great" "# Smoke stacks, car wrecks, housewives wailing" "# No excuses, no more trials" "# Every happy ending lies" "# Closing the door, wishing for more" "# Closing my eyes" "# Listening to sirens harmonise #" "DVD Subtitles by European Captioning Institute"