"Thank you so much for signing my authentic Wood Burns Dildo." "Yeah, is there somewhere I can wash my hands?" "Yeah, the kitchen." "Please say that was made using the actual dimensions." "Afraid not." "They had to shrink it down a bit." "The packaging was too expensive." "You wish." "Hey, George?" "What is that?" "That's Wood's bedroom." "Yeah, I know what it is Gollum." "What the hell is it doing on your computer?" "It's Wood's Bear Cam." "I'm 1 of 4,000 devoted followers." "That spend every waking moment watching Wood brush his teeth, shave his back, and, big sigh here," "Sleep in the buff." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "You have a web cam show?" "It is so worth the $49.95 a month." "How much?" "How else do you think I can afford to go out with you guys on the weekends?" "Well I never thought about it, because we always pay for your drinks." "Oh God, please tell me you're not doing what you are going to do." "My subscribers pay to see everything that I do in my room." "Alright." "I'm not going to hold back on them." "And that's why I believe in God." "Turn it off!" "Is that you?" "What are you doing in my room?" "Are you going through my drawers?" "Okay, yes." "I went through your room." "Okay?" "I was looking for a condom." "A condom?" "I mean, what for?" "Before Toddy, you never had any sex?" "Does everything have to be a Senate inquiry with you guys?" "Okay, yeah, I needed a condom." "Because, I don't know, that day I went to the gym." "You know, the steam room there's pretty cruisy." "and well, I wanted to be prepared." "I applaud your optimism." "Can we please just turn that shit off!" "Wait, what's that?" "When did this happen?" "That's happening right now." "I just switched over to the live feed." "Somebody's breaking into our house." "Well, whoever it was, they're obviously not here." "What do you think he was looking for?" "Oh, maybe he was looking for condoms like you were Nelson." "That is ridiculous." "If he was looking for a condom, he should have gone to my room." "Why?" "Because, I buy them in bulk at Sam's Club." "Magnum Triple Plus." "I have way more many hook ups then you do." "Oh, no you do not." "I most certainly do." "Remember last week?" "I had about 5 guys in my room." "I had 3..." "Is this really a contest you need to win right now?" "I'm getting Herpes just listening to it." "Whoever it is, okay, they're looking for that Martini glass." "Because it's evidence that could incriminate them." "I don't incriminate against anyone." "I sleep with all races." "Help!" "Get off of him!" "Hey, you!" "Reggie, are you alright." "Yes." "You know,I had a guy hiding in the closet last week." "But it is a lot scarier when you don't plan it in advance."