"All right, guys, let's get to it." "What's that button?" "It's something designed to help you get healthy." "Just ignore it." "So, Patrick, did you take the high road and congratulate Wendy on that promotion that you were supposed to get?" "Yes, I did." "I even bought her flowers." "Man's voice:" "Liar!" "What really happened?" "I saw her in the break room and I gave her a thumbs up." "Liar!" "I flipped her off, that's all." "Liar!" "Okay, I started a whisper campaign behind her back that she has irritable bowel syndrome and that she is the one responsible for the "mystery smell" in the elevator." "There you go." "Was that so hard?" "Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt." "I couldn't find any orange juice in there." "I feel like I'm coming down with something." "Dude, you're sick." "You're wearing a parka." "It's like 95 degrees outside." "It's way colder with the wind chill." "I'm out of OJ." "You'll have to go to the grocery store." "That is if you can make it there with all this weather we've been having." "Are you making fun of me?" "Are you kidding?" "I would never do that." "Liar!" "All right, Lacey." "You're up." "What's going on with you?" "Not too much." "I got my car repainted." "My ex boyfriend who I shot in the balls is getting married to the woman he cheated on me with tonight." "Oh, and I found some old muscle relaxers under a couch cushion, so that should be fun." "I'm a little concerned about this." "Oh, don't worry." "They may have lost a little strength, but you can always recharge them with vodka." "Lacey, you shot this guy." "You must still have some anger towards him." "He's the whole reason you're here." "I know I'm angry at him that you're here." "Notice Charlie didn't hit the button on that." "It's no big deal." "I never even think about Julio anymore or the way his head would look on a stick." "Really?" "And how would his head look on that stick?" "Great, because he would be surprised." "He'd be like, "How did you find me here at Tarzana Methodist Church?"" "Damn, you look good." ""Ow, you shot me again."" "I don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but I think we're on to something important here." "Really?" "What's that?" ""Smellavator"!" "What?" "That's what Patrick should call the elevator that the lady smells up." "Somebody should put your head on a stick." "Except it'd be a waste of a good stick." "Lacey, it's clear that you're still really angry at this guy." "And if you go to that wedding, nothing good will come from it." "Don't worry, I'm not going." "Just because Julio cheated on me and completely screwed up my life doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to be happy." "Oh, and that bitch he's marrying," "I hope she's happy, too." "Liar" "Hey, you're not a doctor." "Hey, Sean." "Where's Charlie?" "I've got the clinic budget for him to look at." "He's in with the group." "Oh, okay." "Will you let him know I stopped by?" "Okay." "( Sighs ) Not that I care, but are you okay?" "I'm so hot and this tile floor is so cool." "( Sighs )" "Oh, my God." "You're burning up." "Oh, if you think my head is hot, you should touch my nipples." "Do it soft at first, but then just kind of slowly lean into it." "Listen, there's a really bad flu going around." "You need to go see a doctor." "Will you take me?" "Please?" "No." "Come on, I know you like taking care of things." "Charlie told me about the bird that you found with the broken wing." "I didn't find it." "It flew into the house when I was trying to shoo it out the window." "I broke its wing." "That's okay." "You let it live with you, right?" "Well... it couldn't fly away and I didn't want to touch it, so I just threw worms at it until it died." "Please, come on, just take me to the doctor." "Or you can throw worms at me until I die." "All right, fine." " Come on." " Oh." "( Knocks )" " Lacey:" "Who is it?" " It's Charlie." "Look, I know tonight's Julio's wedding." "I just want to make sure you're not planning anything crazy." "I'm not going to the wedding." "I'm going to my niece's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, so please leave." "I'm not leaving till you open this door." "Fine." "Chuck E. Cheese, huh?" "Yeah, it's a new one with bottle service." "They're trying something." "We're gonna talk." "I don't know what there is to talk about, Charlie." "You're going to that wedding." "Somebody's probably gonna get hurt and you'll go to jail." "But maybe if you showed the judge a picture of this place, you could get off pleading insanity." "You're being ridiculous." "I'm going to Chuck E. Cheese." "So the gun's in case you want to jump the line at Skee-Ball?" "Charlie, I can explain." "I'm listening." "The gun is in case I want to jump the line at Dance Dance Revolution, which is my jam." "You're not going to that wedding." "Yes, I am." "Julio doesn't deserve to get married and be happy while I sit around in this shoebox with a stoner watching me take a shower through a hole in the wall." "Nolan does that?" "And the guy on the other side, too." "Lacey, you already shot Julio once and it didn't give you any satisfaction then." " Yes, it did." " Well, not a lot." " Yes, it did." " Don't argue with me." "I'm your therapist and I'm telling you you're not satisfied." "Exactly, which is why I want to shoot his other ball off." "This bastard is about to have everything." "He is the lowest scum on earth and someone loves him." "Nobody loves me." "What does that make me?" "Lacey, lots of people love you." "But nobody is in love with me." "Now, I'm going to that wedding and nothing you can say will stop me." "I'm in love with you." "What?" "It's true." "It's been building up for so long," "I didn't know how to tell you or if you didn't believe me..." "I guess you believe me." "My therapist loves me, just like in all the songs." "Anger Management 2x58" " Charlie Spends the Night with Lacey - Original air date April 24, 2014" "Can I... can I have this?" "Call me old-fashioned, but I'm just not as turned on by gunplay as I used to be." "You know, deep down," "I knew you always loved me." "All those times I was hitting on you and you had to pretend like you weren't into it and you were all like, "I'm your therapist."" ""I'll lose my license."" "Right, my license." "I have a confession to make." "Sometimes in therapy, I'm not even listening." "I'm shocked." "I'm just fantasizing about us." "I hope that's not what Ed's doing when he's not listening." "( Laughs )" "Look at us, just laughing together at the other people in the group." "We're so above them now." "( Knocking )" " Who is it?" " It's me, Nolan." "From next door and your therapy group." "And from knocking on the door right now." " Should we tell him?" " No, no." "It'll really hurt him." "( Sighs )" "Hey, Nolan." "What's going on?" "I heard everything through one of the holes I made in the wall." "Can we tell him now?" "I don't think we have to." "Forget it, Charlie." "I'm not gonna stay here and let you use your therapy mind control to make me believe this is something it's not because I'll fall for it." "I'm leaving!" "I'll go talk to him." "No, don't." "This is our night." "He's gonna be fine." "In a couple minutes he'll be high and playing video games and his friends Mario and Luigi will get him through this." "But I need to tell him how beautiful our love is and how much it means to me." "It'll take, like, 30 seconds." "Sure, go over there because everyone's emotional distress is more important than mine." "( Crying )" "Okay, fine, I'll stay." "I'll stay." "Hey, our first fight." "You know what this means?" "Makeup sex." "As your mental health professional," "I'm happy to say that you are in peak physical condition." "Jordan!" "( Sighs ) What is it now?" "I'm out of apple juice." "Did you finish your chicken noodle soup?" "I don't like chicken and noodles." "I like chicken and stars." "The stars and the noodles are made from the same thing." "But why do the stars taste so much better?" "I can't believe I have to have you at my house." "I didn't ask to come over here, okay?" "The doctor said someone needed to take care of me." "( Groans )" "I really appreciate that you're doing this." "I know I can be a pain in the ass." "You're not a pain in the ass." "In fact, you're a lot less disgusting when you're sick." "That's what my mom always said." "Can I get another blanket?" "Oh, look, it's got horsies." "Now, get some sleep while I try to find a very tiny knife and cut your noodles into stars." "Thank you." "You know, you're like a little Florence Henderson." "Nightingale?" "Henderson." "The mom from "The Brady Bunch."" "She took care of all those kids." "Half of them weren't even hers." "You know, I think she was banging one of them when the cameras were off." "Good night." "( Sneezes )" "Bless you." "( Sneezes )" "Ugh, you're getting it all over the room." "( Sneezes )" "Oh, crap." "You know, I'm still waiting on those stars." "I don't understand." "Why do you want to wait before we have sex?" " You said you loved me." " I do." "But I also like romance." "You know, holding hands, long walks on the beach." "You know, stuff on the beach with hands." "We should do all that right after we screw each other's brains out." "Sorry." "I mean make love each other's brains out." "I know you like romance." "Okay." "Okay, look." "I do like romance, but I want to do this right." "Like, do you have any massage oils?" "Oh, yeah." "Not the regular ones." "The ones that heat up." " 'Cause I got to have that." " Oh, yup." "Got it." "Okay, good, good." "Good, good, good." "What about condoms?" "I forgot condoms." "Don't worry, I've got some." " Ribbed for your pleasure?" " Yes." " Ribbed on the inside for mine?" " Yes." "They have those?" "I just turn them inside out." "Smart." "Ah, flavored." "I insist on being considerate." "I got it." " Cherry?" " Yes." " Chocolate?" " Yes." "Mocha Frappuccino?" "No." "Well, then how in the hell are we supposed to have sex?" "( Knocking ) Patrick:" "Let us in." "It's Patrick, Nolan, and Ed." " Go away." " No, it's fine." "I got this." "It's the perfect time to explain that this is not going to affect the group." "Good luck." "They're not gonna like it now that I'm the queen of therapy and can tell them to shut up whenever I want." "Yeah, I'll deal with that and you go get dressed." "Okay." "Shut up, everybody!" "Well, well, well." "Looks like somebody's been dipping his company pen in the India ink." "I told you." "Is she gonna get to be queen of the group now and tell us all to shut up?" "Because if she is..." "I don't even know." "No, she's not the queen." "We're not in love." "I'm just pretending to keep her away from that wedding." "Just one more hour." "Play along, guys." "Explain again." "Not clear." "Still confused." "I will explain it to her in a little bit, but for now, just pretend like you're cool with everything and she'll buy it." "Did you tell them about us, Charlie?" " Oh, yeah, congratulations." " So happy for you." "Thank you." "That means so much to me." "Hey, she bought it!" "Bought it?" "You lying bastard." "Lacey, I never meant to hurt you." "And clearly I forgot to factor in that Nolan is always high." "What are you worried about?" "She bought it." "I got to be careful with the cough syrup." "I'm in recovery." "You already drank half the bottle." "It was good." "( Laughs )" "A delightful generic 2014 from the rolling estates of DrugCo Pharmaceuticals." "Mmm." "Well... can I interest you in an after-dinner expectorant, my dear?" "You know, Sean, this may be the drugs talking, but..." ""Hello, I'm the drugs!"" "( Laughs )" "( Laughs )" "I think my fever broke." "Why do you think that?" "Because I am covered in sweat." "Maybe that's because you're sitting next to me." "Then why are you covered in sweat?" "Because I am in me." "Shut up and feel my head." "You know, I never noticed this before, but your skin is very clammy." "And your eyes are so... red and watery." "If I throw up on you, don't take it personally." "I never do." "I can't believe you made me think that you loved me." "How could you do that to me?" "Lacey, I'm so sorry." "I was desperate." "I was trying to save you from yourself." "I didn't need to be saved." "Even if I got caught, I wasn't going to jail." "Juries love me." "You saw my boobs." "I did." "They're very persuasive." "But I think we've moved beyond a boob-based justice system." "Now it's more about money and racial discrimination." "Oh, my God." "I feel like such a fool." "I threw myself at you." "You saw me naked." "I had no idea that was gonna happen." "And by the way, you get naked way too quick, and that's coming from me." "You know what?" "Despite what you think," "I do not get naked in front of men that easy." "Now I could never sit across from you in therapy." "Oh, Lacey, please don't quit." "After all my help tonight, you're gonna need a lot of therapy." "What can I do to make you more comfortable in group?" "I can only think of one thing." "Anything." "Get naked in front of me." " Really?" " Yeah." "Everything... pants to the ground." "That's the only thing that'll put us back on equal footing." "If that's what it's gonna take." "This is worth it, 'cause at least you didn't go to that church and do something stupid." "Like you just did?" "Pretty much." " Ah." " Oh, my God." "What did we just do?" "Didn't your parents ever explain it to you?" "Because I can walk you through it again very slowly with a pointer." "This is terrible." "Don't act like you didn't have a good time." "No, I loved it." "That's why it's so terrible." "Baby, stop denying what you're feeling." "You don't know what I'm feeling." "You didn't sleep with you." "The only reason this happened was because I was half crazy off of cough medicine and delusional from having an insanely high fever, which right now is 102." "That's still three degrees till I know what I'm doing." "Let's go." "Lacey, stop." "You don't want to go in there and ruin that wedding." "Just because I'm gonna bash in Julio's face with a tire iron doesn't mean that people still can't hang around and have a good time." "I think it does." "It puts a damper on the festivities." "At the very least, it changes the vibe." " You don't know what he did, Charlie." " He cheated on you." "You shot his ball off." "Why ruin his wedding?" "You're already sending him off on a one-ball honeymoon." "It was worse than that." "Way worse, okay?" "You don't understand." "Make me understand." "He hit me, okay?" "And no one should ever hit anybody." "So if you mention this in group," "I swear to God, I will beat you within an inch of your life." "Why didn't you tell me so I could help you with this?" "Because I didn't want to create a lot of drama, okay?" "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going into that wedding to beat this man in front of God and everyone he knows." "Give me the tire iron." "Okay, good, you hit him with that." "I'll find something else." "Lacey, wait." "I know you'd love to kick his ass, but what I think you need to do is forgive him." "Forgive him?" " Give me back my tire iron." " No." "This isn't for him." "This is for you." "Until you forgive him and let this go, you're never gonna have any peace of mind." " Then we might as well go home." " No." "Don't you know the best time to forgive somebody for a lot of horrible things?" "Right in the middle of their wedding." "Julio!" "Don't worry, I just came to forgive you." "I forgive you for cheating on me with that ho." "I also forgive you for taking the money" "I gave you for your dog's surgery and using it to buy breast implants for that ho." "No, not the bride ho." "The maid of honor ho." "I also forgive you for posting those horrible naked photos of me online when you knew there were a lot of really good ones to choose from." "I forgive you for listening to me when I told you to take ecstasy and make love to your friend Todd." "It wasn't a turn-on for me after all." "Hey, Todd." "But mostly, I forgive you for being a heartless bastard who wasted two years of my life." "And I wish nothing but the best for your bride." "By the way, girlfriend, watch out when he comes home drunk." "He likes to lead with his left." "Oh, yeah, he won't use his right hand." "That's his porn hand." "He likes the granny stuff." "Wow." "So, do you feel better?" "Yeah." "Forgiveness is amazing." "I should totally forgive my mother for all the crap she did to me when I was a child." "Oh, she's being honored at a charity luncheon tomorrow." " I'll do it there." " You know what?" "You know what?" "I think we've had enough forgiveness for one week." "Yeah, maybe you're right." "By any chance, is she having a big birthday party anytime soon?" "'Cause invite me." "I'd like to see that, too."