"{\cHFFFFFF}This programme contains {\cHFFFFFF}strong language {\cHFFFFFF}and scenes of an adult nature. {\cHFFFFFF}but one of the bajeros in HR {\cHFFFFFF}has told me" "{\cHFFFFFF}that you have been blessed {\cHFFFFFF}with a birthmark" "{\cHFFFFFF}shaped like a raven {\cHFFFFFF}pecking at a corpse." "this sort of thing {\cHFFFFFF}would tickle me... {\cHFFFFFF}I'm under rather a lot of pressure" "{\cHFFFFFF}and I now see that this is in fact {\cHFFFFFF}a sign from the gods." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} The gods?" "I don't think it's entirely {\cHFFFFFF}out of my remit to insist abomination" "{\cHFFFFFF}before I decide whether or not {\cHFFFFFF}to sacrifice you this afternoon." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I'm going to leave now." "{\cHFFFFFF}Good idea." "{\cHFFFFFF}(SQUAWKS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}are the creative juices flowing yet" "{\cHFFFFFF}'or just the procreative ones?" "'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} You're one of five female staff {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I haven't slept with." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} You have." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Really?" "{\cH00FF00} Yep." "{\cHFFFFFF}GCSE maths." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Yay!" "{\cHFFFFFF}Where shall we begin?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I could draw a cock in my book." "{\cHFFFFFF}That's a thought." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Just stay away from {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} little Miss Moffat" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} and stop spreading well-being and {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} confidence where they're not wanted." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} (MUFFLED) How do you know {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} what she wants?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Pardon?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} How do you know what she wants?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Has the pilgrim lowered his staff?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Er...sorry?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Have you still got a hard-on?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Seems so." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} My aunt sent me {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} a birthday present today." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} It's a human thigh bone." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} George Bryan." "I believe you and {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} your financially crippled university" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} have been expecting me?" "sir." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Not after I've rolled away its {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} wheelchair and made the fucker walk." "{\cHFFFFFF}I want you to neutralise {\cHFFFFFF}the Canadian." "Matt." "sure." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} # THE THIRD DEGREE:" "Mercy" "{\cHFFFFFF}# I love you... #" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the stance of the gods.'" "{\cHFFFFFF}# .." "But I gotta stay true" "{\cHFFFFFF}# I don't know what you do {\cHFFFFFF}But you do it well... #" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} 'The sex lean {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} with full-strength pheromones.'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Not you." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} 'Sometimes I wish my sexual scent {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} wasn't so fucking powerful." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} releasing pheromones now." "{\cHFFFFFF}# .." "Got me begging you for mercy" "{\cHFFFFFF}# Why won't you release me?" "{\cHFFFFFF}# Why won't you rele-e-ease me?" "{\cH00FFFF} #" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} WOMEN SCREAM {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I thought that was you {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} hiding under the reception desk." "Consultant." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Hiding from me {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} won't do you much good." "{\cHFFFFFF}Hiding?" "Who's hiding?" "{\cHFFFFFF}I was dealing with Grace's bunions." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Excellent prioritising. of course. {\cHFFFFFF}and now you're ordering {\cHFFFFFF}everyone around." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} My team will need to see an account {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} of your personal expenditure." "{\cHFFFFFF}Jesus-penis!" "Is there {\cHFFFFFF}something wrong with your voice?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} What are you doing?" "can we get her some Calpol?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I haven't got a sore throat." "you're not contagious?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} No." "Although I wish {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} my professionalism was." "000 a day?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I think we both know {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} this is just the way my voice is." "{\cHFFFFFF}Uh? {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} and I'll pop by before the end {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} of the day with a verdict." "{\cHFFFFFF}Is that actually your natural sound?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yes." "{\cHFFFFFF}Is there a tiny little lady Borrower {\cHFFFFFF}hugging your larynx?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} No." "{\cHFFFFFF}Are you putting on a silly voice {\cHFFFFFF}for Ramadan?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Shall we say 5.30?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Great. 5.30 it is." "{\cHFFFFFF}But you are going to have to {\cHFFFFFF}excuse me because I need a wee." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Perfect." "please?" "{\cHFFFFFF}This is beginning to burn." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} (DEEP VOICE) I think {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} your voice is very attractive." "you don't." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} (WHISTLES) I am still... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Mr Beer." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} ..naked from the waist down." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Expenses." "My desk." "One hour." "the joy of sums." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} 'The value of person A {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} is clearly zero." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} 'Yet person B {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} wastes her valuable brain space" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} 'trying to calculate {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} the sum of A+B." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} 'The answer {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} should be self-evident" " Y.'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Want a lift anywhere?" "oh why?" "'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Come on." "{\cHFFFFFF}# Dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee {\cHFFFFFF}Dee-di-dee. # Yay!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} you are a lesbian"?" "{\cHFFFFFF}You're welcome." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I don't want people to know {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm a lesbian." "{\cHFFFFFF}Ohh." "{\cHFFFFFF}Hold on." "you are lean"?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Yes." "{\cHFFFFFF}There you go." "Now I'm congratulating {\cHFFFFFF}you on being thin." "thanks." "my lean {\cHFFFFFF}lesbian friend. (LAUGHS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} (GIGGLES) Aw." "{\cHFFFFFF}Toot-toot!" "{\cHFFFFFF}Daa-aa!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Erh-heh!" "{\cHFFFFFF}Mmm-erh." "no!" "{\cHFFFFFF}Huh?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Not my face." "just the person." "{\cHFFFFFF}Hi." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Someone's stolen {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} my expense receipts." "{\cHFFFFFF}Really?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Nine months' worth." "{\cHFFFFFF}Why would they do that?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I think they're trying to {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} fob them off as their own." "trying to fob mine off {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} as theirs." "Pretty disgusting." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Gonna have to be more careful in {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} future." "Where do you hide yours?" "{\cHFFFFFF}I don't hide them." "I just keep them {\cHFFFFFF}in a box under my desk." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Really?" "Mr Beer." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} (LAUGHS) Right!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFF00} WHIRRING" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Jesus!" "Jonty De Wolfe." "{\cHFFFFFF}and you have replied to none." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} like winter or car sickness." "no." "I am more persistent than the {\cHFFFFFF}Jehovah's Witness and twice as funky." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Doesn't mean anything." "it's destabilised you." "{\cHFFFFFF}It's knocked you off balance." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I'm fine." "Mr Beer?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} What?" "{\cHFFFFFF}What time is it?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Oh." "Must've fallen off." "no." "I took {\cHFFFFFF}your initial moment of confusion" "{\cHFFFFFF}as the perfect opportunity {\cHFFFFFF}to snatch your watch" "{\cHFFFFFF}without you even feeling it." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Where is it?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Hanging off my John Thomas." "it isn't." "Maybe it is." "{\cHFFFFFF}You just don't know." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Can we get to the point?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I've a stack of essays on my desk." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I need to find out who put them {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} there and make them stop." "{\cHFFFFFF}It's George." "She's stuck her beaver {\cHFFFFFF}snout into our accounts." "innit?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Hasn't been the right time." "{\cHFFFFFF}my balls are hotting up." "{\cHFFFFFF}When I find the right time." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Are you saving yourself {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} for The One?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Saving myself?" "{\cHFFFFFF}You know I'd never save myself." "mate." "mate." "{\cHFFFFFF}I reckon you're a girl." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I reckon{\cH00FFFF} you're{\cHFFFF00} a girl." "{\cHFFFFFF}I reckon your face is a girl." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I reckon your mum's a girl." "{\cHFFFFFF}Your cock's a girl." "it isn't.{\cHFFFFFF} Prove it." "I can." "I will." "{\cHFFFFFF}How?" "How?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I can." "By bedding {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} William Shatner." "OK?" "{\cHFFFFFF}You know William Shatner?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} No." "I meant the Canadian." "{\cHFFFFFF}So you don't know the Shatner?" "no." "{\cHFFFFFF}Never do that to me again!" "please." "{\cHFFFFFF}What's that in your pocket?" "{\cHFFFF00} Pork." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} (WHIRRING)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} what is he doing with her?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} It's like watching a ten-year-old {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} trying to drive a classic car." "what's on your packed {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} agenda today?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Running followed by more running(?" ")" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} At least he has something {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} on his agenda." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} drinking and sarcasm." "I see." "There was me {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} thinking he was being chased." "{\cHFFFFFF}I suppose in races {\cHFFFFFF}I am always being chased." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Now you're just showing off {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} in front of your new lady friend." "{\cHFFFFFF}I don't know what he's on about." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} I never do." "so that's a week for one." "{\cHFFFFFF}Have you got your SUUK card {\cHFFFFFF}for your student discount?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Here it is.{\cHFFFFFF} Great." "and this is...?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Me." "{\cHFFFFFF}You look very small." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yes." "{\cHFFFFFF}And Indian." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yes." "I tan well." "{\cHFFFFFF}Are you a student here?" "fine." "That's not my shrivelled {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Indian body." "I am a lecturer here." "I'm afraid it's the full {\cHFFFFFF}fare and a single supplement too." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Single supplement?" "it makes it {\cHFFFFFF}more expensive than a couple." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm not going to pay {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} a single supplement." "{\cHFFFFFF}You have to." "I won't." "{\cHFFFFFF}I can't book your trip." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} It's people like you {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} that give single women a bad name." "{\cHFFFFFF}Yeah." "I'm not single." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Then somewhere a man is drinking {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} from the cup of desperation." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} If I see you on campus I'm going to {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} rabbit-punch you in the vagina." "so..." "Flat?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Nothing?" "That's what my dad says." "what I like is your simplicity." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I like that you never hide the fact {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} that you know nothing about culture." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} You're like a small woodland {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} creature in a fairy tale." "{\cHFFFFFF}Like a greyhound?" "woodland or fairytale." "{\cHFFFFFF}Just fast." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I didn't mention speed." "please." "singular." "Man." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} Jury's still out on that one." "{\cHFFFFFF}A cheetah?" "That's pretty... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} can I tempt you to a quick pint?" "obviously." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} but we've got an IDB in a minute." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Brilliant." "Haven't been to one of {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} those in years." "{\cHFFFFFF}What's the IDB?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Grown-ups only." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} It's really dull." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Bring you back a treat." "anyway." "{\cHFFFFFF}Now hear this!" "There's an expenses {\cHFFFFFF}moose loose about the campoose." "{\cHFFFFFF}We are experiencing {\cHFFFFFF}a very small audit." "{\cHFFFFFF}just so long as you carry {\cHFFFFFF}your receipts at all times." "{\cHFFFFFF}Specially after dark. {\cHFFFFFF}and do not be fooled by eccentrically {\cHFFFFFF}placed bollocks on his chest." "{\cHFFFFFF}They are not what they seem." "{\cHFFFFFF}This is not a drill." "this is not a drill." "{\cHFFFFFF}A drill sounds like this." "{\cHFFFFFF}Drg-drg-drg-drg!" "{\cHFFFFFF}Drg-drg-drg-drg!" "{\cHFFFFFF}Thank you for your disbursement {\cHFFFFFF}report template." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I believe in accuracy {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} and efficiency." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Perhaps we have something in common {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} there?" "{\cHFFFFFF}you paid the staff twice last month?" "no-one else involved." "but you're in the process {\cHFFFFFF}of recouping the deficit?" "sir." "Madam!" "Miss!" "{\cHFFFFFF}That must have been {\cHFFFFFF}a very stressful time for you. {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} and then I had to choose who the VC {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} was going to make redundant. {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} but I still had the stress of {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} choosing." "which have got increasingly {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} complicated." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I have a girlfriend but I think I'm {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} in love with another woman and... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} How much do you know {\cHFFFFFF}about contract accountants?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Are they brought in to save money {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} and take over the running {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} of a failing business?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Yes." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I'm not totally au fait with the {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} finer points of how it works." "{\cHFFFFFF}You will be.{\cHFFFF00} OK." "{\cHFFFFFF}But thank you for all your time {\cHFFFFFF}and effort up until this point." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} That's OK." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} She was nice." "what I would like you to do {\cHFFFFFF}is break up into pairs" "{\cHFFFFFF}and try and work up {\cHFFFFFF}an expenditure flowchart" "{\cHFFFFFF}which demonstrates how faculties {\cHFFFFFF}can interrelate within the overall {\cHFFFFFF}budget." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Oh." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} Thanks a lot." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} This is like being back at school." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} and you'll just put your name on it." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Oh!" "I take it all back.{\cH00FF00} Yup." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} Been working on this bad boy {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} all through the night." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Why does that say "firing range"?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} It's the floor plans for my mansion." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Mansion?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} The mansion I'll have {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} when I sell the film rights." "spent all my time on the {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} mansion." "like in Thunderbirds." "where are the bathrooms?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} Er... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Boys!" "between {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the firing range and the log flume." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Good." "Good." "pony house!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} "Pony house"?" "Do you mean stables?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I think the stables should have {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} cable television set to {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the horse channel." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Or a special pony roundabout {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I invented when I was 12." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} You smell nice." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I had a best friend once." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Arnold Rigby." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} We did everything together. swapped Top Trumps." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Then one day I betrayed Arnold." "{\cHFFFFFF}Gave him a wedgie behind the {\cHFFFFFF}science block that split his a-hole." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} All to get into Jason Pinge's gang." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} (SIGHS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Arnold Rigby... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} ..where are you now?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} FOOTSTEPS" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm here." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} So you are." "{\cHFFFFFF}It feels like only yesterday we were {\cHFFFFFF}skipping through a freshly mown {\cHFFFFFF}paddock." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} It was yesterday." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} You wedgied me this morning." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Can I go now?" "I've got to clean {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the student union toilets." "off you go." "um... really am sorry {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} about your a-hole." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} It was Professor Pinge's gang {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} made me do it." "{\cHFFFFFF}white leather convertible {\cHFFFFFF}love-seat/bed." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Office furnishings." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I didn't see that in your office." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} It's tiny." "Your eyes! {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the way the sky shimmers {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} in the spring evenings." "{\cHFFFFFF}One antique hand-crafted {\cHFFFFFF}Persian carpet." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yup." "Travel." "there's a trend here." "{\cHFFFFFF}I was going over {\cHFFFFFF}your pre-appraisal form... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Don't you long to just get away {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} from all this crap?" "{\cHFFFFFF}..and one thing in particular {\cHFFFFFF}drew the eye." "{\cHFFFFFF}"What could be done to make your job {\cHFFFFFF}more fulfilling?" "from a great mouth." "{\cHFFFFFF}"Being called Keith Smooth." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yep." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Care to expand on that? {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} but I was thinking how much better {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} things would be {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} if I was called Keith Smooth." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} she might call me Smoothie." "{\cHFFFFFF}You're not taking this {\cHFFFFFF}very seriously." "don't you?" "{\cHFFFFFF}I'm literally foaming at the gash." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Now... {\cHFFFFFF}king size?" "{\cH00FFFF} Stationery." "which I see {\cHFFFFFF}that you've billed to the university." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yup.{\cHFFFFFF} Where did you go?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Anal.{\cHFFFFFF} Anal?" "Dorset." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yep." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I've never done that...myself... {\cHFFFFFF}I'm here to help. {\cHFFFFFF}so if there's anything you want to {\cHFFFFFF}share that I can help you with... dear... dear." "actually." "{\cHFFFFFF}Oh." "Hello." "We'll carry on {\cHFFFFFF}from where we've left off next week." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Hi." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Hello." "you look very smart." "{\cHFFFFFF}Have you changed your clothes?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} you look great!" "I'm the same as I was earlier." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} You've written so many books." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Only one." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} There's about 10 there." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} They're different languages." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} No." "Really?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} You speak ten different languages!" "my mum would love you." "{\cHFFFFFF}Would she?" "{\cHFFFF00} Yeah!" "you've written ten books... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} You're the sort of person {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} she'd want me to marry." "{\cHFFFFFF}Gosh!" "I'm not sure that's {\cHFFFFFF}appropriate talk between a student {\cHFFFFFF}and a senior lecturer." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} We'd have a lovely little cottage {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} with a vegetable garden" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} and a tree with a swing." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I'd go out to work every day {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} so that you wouldn't have to." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} You could just be in your study" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} just thinking about your next book." "that's work too." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} But it's not like mending roads." "this {\cHFFFFFF}marriage is not going to last." "you don't respect my work." "I do!" "you don't." "You think I {\cHFFFFFF}spend my days on a swing swinging." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} How about you give me some respect?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I've been out all day mending {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} the roads." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} You just want to marry a younger {\cHFFFFFF}version of your mother!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Stop bringing my mother into this!" "{\cHFFFFFF}You stop disrespecting my bloody {\cHFFFFFF}work!" "I'm sorry." "It's my fault." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Can we put this behind us?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Yes." "Let's." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Let's go for a drink later {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} and get back to how we were." "{\cHFFFFFF}Yeah." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} (CLICKS FINGERS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} What?" "!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} No." "No!" "Snakes." "{\cHFFFFFF}Why did it have to be snakes?" "because..." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I don't understand that." "that's because I got {\cHFFFFFF}the middle bit wrong." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Tell us the one about the Speedos." "{\cHFFFFFF}This I will not go into." "Um... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} It's her.{\cHFFFFFF} Hey." "hey." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm looking for a holiday companion" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} so I can avoid the single person {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} supplement." "I...{\cH00FFFF} Not yet." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} These would be your duties." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Total silence {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} between the hours of 8pm and 8am. {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} and never refer to me by name." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Your own name would be false." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I would suggest Mr Belvedere {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} or Grant. {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} and under no circumstances would you {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} unpack your suitcase." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} you'd be free to enjoy your holiday." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} What do you say?" "{\cHFFFFFF}I-I..." "I'm not going to come." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Fine.{\cHFFFFFF} But... fine." "or...{\cH00FFFF} Fine." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} # ANN-MARGRET:" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} What Am I Supposed To Do?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} # DAVID BOWIE:" "Suffragette City" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # What am I supposed to do... # my schooldays... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # ..." "With the love I have for you?" "#" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # She's a total blam-blam" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # She said she had to squeeze it {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} but she...and then she... man {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Cos you can't afford the ticket" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # I'm back from suffragette city man {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Cos you ain't got time to check it" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # You know my suffragette city" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # Is outta sight... #" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} (SHE GASPS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} What was that for?" "just in a pickle." "you definitely cannot." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Where did you learn to dance?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Did a year of ballet at 14." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Ratio of 15 girls to one boy.{\cHFFFFFF} Oh." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I was popping cherries all over {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the place." "thanks for the dance." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} You're welcome." "Need a cherry pop?" "{\cHFFFFFF}No." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Stop trying to ruin doing {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} a nice thing.{\cHFFFFFF} Right." "so... with you {\cHFFFFFF}being gay and me being... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} In a loving relationship." "{\cHFFFFFF}.." "In the old loving relationship." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} It's actually impossible {\cHFFFFFF}to find each other attractive!" "it's just like totally {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} chilled!" "so what shall we do?" "What do {\cHFFFFFF}you do with your gay best friend?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Feel her tits?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Sorry?" "have you?" "not really." "{\cHFFFFFF}Mainly encountered Cecilia's." "mainly Ceclia's." "{\cHFFFFFF}Not assessed too many breasts." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Feel free." "cup away!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Right-o." "{\cHFFFFFF}Incoming." "Here I come." "Arriving." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} About..." "OK." "Yeah." "yeah." "aren't they?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Yeah... it's fine." "{\cHFFFFFF}(WHISPERS) She's gay!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} (MOUTHS) yeah." "an intriguing experience." "I didn't realise there was such {\cHFFFFFF}a such a variety in the density." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Tits come in all sorts.{\cHFFFFFF} Hm-hm. {\cHFFFFFF}but I don't have any lady's bits." "{\cHFFFFFF}Only got... cock." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} isn't it?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I could just pretend it was a tit." "buddy." "{\cHFFFFFF}Yeah!" "I missed out on all this {\cHFFFFFF}at school." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Really?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} (LAUGHS) then." "and yay!" "{\cHFFFFFF}There we go." "OK." "that's... {\cHFFFFFF}yeah." "um... separates out... you know {\cHFFFFFF}all this." "yeah." "yeah." "of course." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Since you were ten?" "Have you {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} read a book since you were ten?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Of course." "You've read my essays." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} That's why I'm asking." "{\cHFFFFFF}I asked her out.{\cH00FFFF} Who her?" "{\cHFFFFFF} Imogen." "{\cHFFFFFF}Asked her out." "especially to a geek." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} She said yes." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Really?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Oh...well" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Good for you." "Well done." "{\cHFFFFFF}Thank you." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} If you wanna go out with someone {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} old enough to be your mum." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} She's not that old.{\cH00FFFF} She's 40." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} She's 32.{\cH00FFFF} Really?" "I had her pegged {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} at 40." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I suppose you need to go through {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the rite of passage of an older {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} woman." "I've been old before.{\cHFFFFFF} Really?" "Madge aged 50?" "23." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Who's next?" "please." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} lovely." "Great." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Anything else?" "{\cH00FFFF} Coffee." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Well?" "How is {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} my little sleeping policeman?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Are you talking about your penis?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Quite the opposite." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Your vagina?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Your penis.{\cH00FFFF} Oh." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Which hopefully is acting {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} as a traffic-calming measure" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} against the expense account {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} juggernaut that is George." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Are you enjoying being a sex {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} missile?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} You're mixing your metaphors." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Just choose one." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} All right." "I'll be the missile." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} The Sexocet." "very good!" "That way you can {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} penetrate and explode deep within." "we are both {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} going to end up homeless and jobless" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} in Shit City." "is it?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Some sort of fucking bronco?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Pardon?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Baps are a bit floury." "Sorry." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Fuck off before I beat you up." "{\cHFFFFFF}Flat." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Flat!" "{\cHFFFFFF}(MOUTHS THE WORDS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Ooh!" "I've just come to clear... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Oh!" "{\cHFFFFFF}I've come to clear a few things up." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} They have people who do that." "right!" "Our date!" "{\cHFFFFFF}I accidentally agreed {\cHFFFFFF}to the date in the first place... no." "Not at all." "I am...yes." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} OK." "cramp!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm what...?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} (SHRIEKS) Cramp!" "{\cH00FFFF} Oh!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} OK." "Sit down." "Sit down.{\cH00FFFF} OK." "stretch out." "This way." "just stretching {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} out." "OK." "Does that feel better?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} What are you doing?" "Ooh!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm just stretching out the cramp." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Feels like you're stroking the {\cHFFFFFF}cramp.{\cH00FFFF} Is that such a bad thing?" "{\cHFFFFFF}and objectively rather gorgeous. {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} like a sexy game of Kerplunk!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I'm ten years older than you." "{\cHFFFFFF}Please let go of my legs." "{\cHFFFFFF}There's not even anything {\cHFFFFFF}wrong with that one." "haven't you?" "{\cHFFFFFF}but it doesn't mean I do it." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I really need this leg {\cHFFFFFF}to start working now." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Oh!" "Ah!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} CLATTERING" "God!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} KNOCKING" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Sorry about earlier." "What can I say?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Clean slate?" "Clean sheets?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Clean underpants? {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} but that just does not fit in {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} with my schedule at the moment." "{\cHFFFFFF}Does everything have to fit with {\cHFFFFFF}a schedule?" "And it's "shed-yule"." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Very much so." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Aged ten - own a bike - achieved." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} 17 - lose virginity - achieved." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} 19 - attend top business programme - {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} achieved. {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} the rest are all on Post-it notes {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} framed above my bedroom door." "I can't do this. {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} but it seems that you haven't {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} achieved anything at all." "poor me." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Why steal the biology department's {\cHFFFFFF}cloned pig and hog roast it?" "Hm?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Why spend a week making love {\cHFFFFFF}to the Afro-Caribbean society?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Why charge through a staff meeting {\cHFFFFFF}wearing just my backpack?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Why put dog shit in Lydia's shoes?" "{\cHFFFFFF}You think you're fulfilled?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} You wouldn't know true fulfilment {\cHFFFFFF}if it covered itself in maple syrup had your heart {\cHFFFFFF}broken by your mother's best friend?" "{\cHFFFFFF}No." "{\cHFFFFFF}I thought not." "And I don't imagine {\cHFFFFFF}you've ever worn a papier-mache bra." "I have. {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I wouldn't even waste my {\cHFFFFFF}far-from-precious time fucking you. camel-faced Canadian moose!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} And this...is really nasty." "stand there." "take note." "Grace?" "Thank you." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Hold it above your head." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Thank you." "Cover yourself up." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Change is coming." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} (INHALES SHARPLY)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Grace 1 to Grace 3." "Applause." "{\cHFFFFFF}Applause." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I've been greatly insulted {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} by Professor Matthew Beer." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} What are you going to do about it?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I'm not going to do anything {\cHFFFFFF}until you tell me what he said." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} He insinuated I... {\cHFFFFFF}Have a face like a camel?" "{\cHFFFFFF}I know." "It's like... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} But worse than that..." "{\cHFFFFFF}He undermined your very being." "yes. {\cHFFFFFF}he has to go!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Ssh-ssh." "{\cHFFFFFF}Hello?" "you can." "Yeah." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I am having problems {\cHFFFFFF}with someone and... it's a head of English {\cHFFFFFF}who is calling someone names." "{\cHFFFFFF}I need to make him go away." "{\cHFFFFFF}isn't it?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Entice?" "I could entice him over the {\cHFFFFFF}hills and far away" "{\cHFFFFFF}so that he's never heard of again." "{\cHFFFFFF}Uh-huh." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Is there a chance that any {\cHFFFFFF}of your pipers are becoming pied?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Right." "I see." "I'm confusing reality {\cHFFFFFF}with fantasy?" "All right." "{\cHFFFFFF}You've been very helpful." "{\cHFFFFFF}Thank you very much." "child." "{\cHFFFFFF}it's hard to make somebody disappear." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I cannot believe you're not {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} taking this more seriously." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I want Matt Beer sacked!" "{\cHFFFFFF}you mean you want to sleep with him?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} No." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Whatever he has said to you has {\cHFFFFFF}made you reassess your entire life" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} to the extent that only uniting {\cHFFFFFF}your bodies in unholy friction" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} can put this right." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} That's absurd." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} He has a very brown tummy." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} (SQUAWKS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} THEY LAUGH" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Er... you know Cecilia?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Is that your girlfriend?" "maybe not {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} for much longer." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Oh!" "Is she really ill?" "I'm going to give her {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the old heave-ho today." "{\cHFFFFFF}Too much information." "it's not a sex thing." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm going to break up with her." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Oh.{\cH00FFFF} Yeah." "obviously." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Don't suppose some boring old {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} heterosexual relationship {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} biting the dust right?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Bloody straights." "{\cHFFFFFF}Tell me about it!" "I was thinking about {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} starting by saying... {\cHFFFFFF}did I?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} OK." "you lot." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm gonna do it." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm gonna break up {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} with Cecilia right now." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} MUFFLED SPEECH she answered!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I was expecting the answerphone." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # My loneliness is killing me" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # I must confess I still believe" "{\cHFFFFFF}# Still believe... #" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} DOOR OPENS hide me!" "{\cHFFFFFF} What?" "excuse me!" "{\cHFFFF00} Help me!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} Where is he?" "{\cHFFFFFF} Wh-what?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} Professor Beer.{\cHFFFFFF} Why do you need him? he has shit {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} it up and abused our VIP guest." "I haven't {\cHFFFFFF}seen him." "if you do... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} You look different.{\cHFFFFFF} Do I?" "I'm very busy." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} I bet he's sniffing around {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FF00} some weak-willed bint." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I wouldn't say you were weak-willed." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} You touched my... kissed my knees." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} You can go now." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Not sure I want to." "It's safe." "go and be safe somewhere {\cHFFFFFF}else.{\cHFFFF00} That's just it - {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I don't think I can be." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Excuse me." "{\cHFFFFFF}(GASPS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} You have very nice ankles." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Flirt." "gonna do it." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Gonna bloody do it." "Cecilia." "Dunno what happened {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} there." "OK." "Wanted to talk about... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} MUFFLED SHOUTING ON PHONE" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Cecilia?" "Are you OK?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} 'Call you back in a minute." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I'm at Alton Towers!" "'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} (She's at Alton Towers.) which is a long old time... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} SHOUTING" "{\cHFFFFFF}What's she saying?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} She's...she's... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} She's upside down." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} SCREAMING the thing is... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} CHEERING" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} (She's upside down.)" "apparently.)" "we've been {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} together for six years." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} (SPEAKERPHONE) 'I know." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Does that mean you've got me {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} an anniversary present?" "'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I've been thinking..." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} 'Does that mean you haven't?" "' what if...?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} 'Yeah?" "'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} (Tell her you don't love her.) {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} 'What?" "' no." "that's just a co-worker {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} walking past." "Um...a gay one." "what were you thinking?" "'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} 'Jason?" "'{\cH00FFFF} I was thinking..." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I was thinking... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} what if we were to reassess {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the nature of our relationship?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I've pretty much reconciled {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} the credit and debit sides..." "God!" "Can't you just stop {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} being an accountant?" "'" "Jason!" "'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Jawohl!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} 'What?" "!" "Are you trying to be funny?" "'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} 'You pathetic little shrivelled-cock {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} arsewipe...'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} SPEAKERPHONE TURNED OFF" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} MUFFLED SPEECH CONTINUES" "OK." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm just gonna come out with it." "I think it's time {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} we moved on." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Do you?" "You do?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} MUFFLED SPEECH that's great." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I just... that's fine." "that's fine." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} So we're agreed?" "Yes." "Yes." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Hooray!" "bye." "bye." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Right." "Right." "{\cHFFFFFF}cos you've done the right thing." "isn't it?" "yes and no." "She's not angry." "{\cHFFFFFF}That's good." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} we've just got engaged." "you're all here." "{\cHFFFFFF}I'm looking for a holiday companion" "{\cHFFFFFF}so that I can avoid {\cHFFFFFF}the single supplement. {\cHFFFFFF}and I've lifted the barrel up and you {\cHFFFFFF}guys are all stuck underneath." "who's going to volunteer?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I love it!" "I love these pranks!" "{\cHFFFFFF}These are just the sort of hilarious {\cHFFFFFF}things we'd have got up to" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} on our fucking holiday." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Your loss." "girls." "I trust?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} A lot of taxi receipts here." "£40." "Very similar amounts." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Where do you go to?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Here." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} From home?" "from here." "you go to here from here?" "{\cHFFFFFF}I have a medical condition {\cHFFFFFF}I get a taxi to take me {\cHFFFFFF}on a round trip. {\cHFFFFFF}it is significantly cheaper {\cHFFFFFF}than an hotel." "of course." "{\cHFFFFFF}reporting a disabled man." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Your insomnia renders you disabled?" "Crippled"." "I could report you {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} to the department tomorrow." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} You'd be out of this job {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} like a shot." "{\cHFFFFFF}(CHUCKLES) I don't think {\cHFFFFFF}that you want to do that." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} And give me one good reason why not." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Have you ever considered {\cHFFFFFF}an open-topped race car?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} A horse?" "{\cHFFFFFF}And a Caribbean holiday?" "{\cHFFFFFF}I think you'd find that rather lush." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Are you...saying {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} what I think you're saying?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Oh..." "look at those clouds." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} They are predominantly nimbus!" "{\cHFFFFFF}I think that I will stay {\cHFFFFFF}with my back to you" "{\cHFFFFFF}looking at those clouds {\cHFFFFFF}for about a minute." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} What is this?" "{\cHFFFFFF}A bribe." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'll be phoning the department now." "goodness me!" "did you?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Of course I did." "{\cHFFFFFF}(LAUGHS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}I'm afraid I can't legislate {\cHFFFFFF}for your lacklustre hearing." "{\cHFFFFFF}A{\cHFFFF00} bwibe{\cHFFFFFF} is a native Puerto Rican {\cHFFFFFF}artwork made from bundles of paper." "{\cHFFFFFF}and surprisingly tasty." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm coming back." "right?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Grace?" "(GIBBERS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} 'Burst in there." "Smoulder." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Say what's on your mind." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} there's nothing to be scared of.'" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Oh!" "(SHRIEKS) God!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Sanjeev from Medieval History {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} is having a fancy-dress party." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Come on in." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Old Dracula never fails to impress." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Girls are all desperate {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} to be bitten." "{\cHFFFFFF}Really?" "I find that {\cHFFFFFF}very hard to believe." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} you seem all unnecessary." "{\cHFFFFFF}(LAUGHS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} your mouth is dry." "Imogen Moffat." "{\cHFFFFFF}(GASPS)" "{\cHFFFFFF}Your pretend teeth {\cHFFFFFF}are beginning to pinch a bit." "Agh!" "Imogen." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Got a bit carried away {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} with the role there." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Have I ever {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} called you Imogen before?" "{\cHFFFFFF}or something horrible." "I get a bit nervous." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Take the easy option " "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} pretend I'm stupid and shallow." "is it?" "I just want to say {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} despite the silly name-calling {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} and childish witticisms... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Inappropriate sexual harassment." "um..." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} .." "I think you're all right." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} I don't get it." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} There's nothing to get. {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} raw and unplugged." "Is that OK?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Of course it is!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Good." "Great." "Thank..." "Thank you." "this is me. {\cHFFFFFF}without all the glam {\cHFFFFFF}and the glitzy hair!" "{\cHFFFFFF}Make-up off!" "Sitting in my dressing {\cHFFFFFF}room and drinking chamomile tea." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Good." "Good." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Maybe I should have {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} tried this before." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Raw and unplugged approach." "I've been known to sit in {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} a kayak as a means of seduction." "the kayak!" "{\cHFFFFFF}That was for my benefit?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yeah." "I just find it {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} really hard to..." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Sitting in a boat?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Exactly." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} So... {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} ..you do like me?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Why do you think I'm horrible {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} to you all the time?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} DOOR OPENS" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} I have decided I do want to wear {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} a papier-mache bra." "we're having {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} a private conversation." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Really?" "With the man who's been {\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} trotting after me all day horny teenager?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I wouldn't say pathetic." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} In a kayak for me." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} That's not pathetic?" "excuse me." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFF00} Weird." "then?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Can't wait." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} # THE TEMPER TRAP:" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH4040FF} {\cHFFFFFF} Love Lost" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # Our love was lost" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # And now we've found it" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # Our love was lost... #" "{\cHFFFFFF}(PANTING) Got you!" "{\cHFFFFFF}Who cares what people think?" "{\cHFFFFFF}Let's do it." "Let's do the sex." "{\cHFFFFFF}Shall we do it now? {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I'm just in the middle {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} of a qualifying race right now." "God!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Have I spoiled your chances?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yeah." "I was in the lead." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} This..." "God!" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} escaped from the secure facility." "dear." "I made you lose." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} I think I may have just won." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Friday the 8th." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} How wonderful is young lust. {\cHFFFFFF}lithe and much more picturesque." "{\cHFFFFFF}(TAPS KEYBOARD)" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} Grace?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Yes? {\cHFFFFFF}and I seem to have changed my name {\cHFFFFFF}to The Chevalier." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Your username?" "no." "My actual name." "Mr De Wolfe?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Mr De Wolfe?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Chevalier...?" "{\cHFFFFFF}The Chevalier is speaking." "shall I?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cHFFFFFF} # Our love was lost" "{\cHFFFFFF}# In the rubble are all the things" "{\cHFFFFFF}# That you've {\cHFFFFFF}You've been dreaming of" "{\cHFFFFFF}# Keep me in mind" "{\cHFFFFFF}# When you are ready" "{\cHFFFFFF}# I am here to take you every time our love was lost lost lost" "{\cHFFFFFF}# Our love was lost" "{\cHFFFFFF}# But now it's found... #" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Well..." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} That's going to help your fitness." "good." "That's good." "by the way." "don't thank me." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Sorry." "It was great - {\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} no thanks to you." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Is that your dad?" "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} He looks really wacky." "that's Einstein." "yeah." "{\cHFFFFFF}{\cH00FFFF} Cool." "{\cHFFFFFF}Subtitles by {\cHFFFFFF}Red Bee Media Ltd"