"[***]" "Maya, does this dress look okay to you?" "Yeah, it looks great." "Oh, good." "Sting's hosting a benefit tonight, and it's so hard to find something I like that's American-made." "Last year, everyone freaked out just because I wore a gown sewn by Asian children." "Please, that's why the stitching's so tiny." "Oh, God, I love Sting." "What's the cause?" "Oh, it's a fundraiser to ban human cloning." "They're already raising money for that?" "Oh, it's never too early to jump on a good cause." "I mean, otherwise, you're left with something passé like...orphans." "Nina!" "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Tonight's the Oscar Milos fashion show." "That's tonight?" "Yeah, the messenger just dropped off your passes." "Oh, God, I can't miss this show." "Milos is an important designer." "On the other hand, there'll be some industry types at Sting's." "Although, Milos is a huge advertiser, but I really do feel strongly against cloning." "God, I just wish at times like this there were two of me." "Oh, well." "Oh, man!" "What?" "Well, here we are working our butts off in this supposedly glamorous industry, but do we ever get to go to any of these cool things?" "No." "Speak for yourself, nerd." "What's that supposed to mean?" "My clippings." "Come hither." "Take a gander." "Here I am at a little music show called the Grammys." "Here I am busting a move at the "Bring in Da Noise" Quanza party." "You're not in any of these pictures." "Yes, I am." "There's the tip of my head." "There's my elbow." "See how Barbra Streisand looks all irritated?" "That's because I just asked James Brolin to take a look at my transmission." "How did you get invited to these things?" "It's very complicated." "You wouldn't understand, but if you really want to go to that Milos show," "I can make it happen." "Yeah, right." "How?" "Here you go, Nina." "Pick me up at 8." "How am I gonna pass for Nina?" "Eat nothing, drink everything, wake up in the coat room." "Man, I can't wait to get a new chair." "This one is murder on my back." "Well, you're getting the best." "Okay, spine, 22 inches." "So my ex-wife was wrong." "I do have a spine." "All right, black leather, tilt and swivel, adjustable lumbar..." "And get I get a little side compartment built in there?" "Oh, for, like, a calculator?" "Sure, a calculator, a bag of marshmallows, that sort of thing." "Hey, Jack, we still on for sushi?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I didn't know you were busy." "Oh, that's okay." "Elliott DiMauro, this is Meredith Baker." "Nice to meet you." "Love the shirt." "Thanks." "Okay, well, that about does it." "Jack, your new chair will be ready in about a week." "What am I supposed to do until then?" "Keep your marshmallows in your desk." "She seems nice." "Yeah, she does, doesn't she?" "Mm-hmm." "You know what?" "You should take her out." "You think so?" "Oh, yeah." "When I was single, that's exactly the kind of girl" "I went for." "I don't know." "She's not my type." "She lacks a certain self-absorbed, crazy neediness that I seem to feed on." "Well, that's what I mean." "She'd be good for you." "I don't know." "Oh, come on." "There's nothing more exciting than the thrill of the chase... except for when you're with a girl and her boyfriend the cop comes home early, and you have to run six blocks wrapped in a shower curtain." "That's an entirely different kind of thrill." "Finch, did you see that?" "Robert De Niro just spilled his drink on me." "This is the best party ever." "Just calm down, Nina." "Oh, that's right." "Here he is, everybody." "The man of the hour... the great Oscar Milos." "Oh, please!" "Thank you." "Please, I do not deserve any of this." "You are embarrassing me." "I'm a glorified seamstress, for crying God-sakes out loud." "Wait!" "Something's wrong." "Something is wrong." "Where is my ice pilgrim?" "Milos, it's right" "Where is my ice pilgrim?" "Milos, it's" "I specifically requested that there will be an ice sculpture of a pilgrim!" "The theme of the show is pilgrims!" "Buckles, buckles, buckles!" "You hate me." "No." "You don't want me to be happy." "You're a passive-aggressive, little" "Oh!" "Oh, Reg!" "Oh, I knew I could count on you." "Why are these napkins folded like this?" "Why would a napkin be folded like a little ugly penguin bug?" "Why are you hating me?" "Why are you trying to destroy me?" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "Pick these up." "I hate you!" "Please!" "I'm sorry!" "Please!" "Oh, he's quite a character." "No need to be intimidated." "The key is to act like you belong." "Watch and learn." "Milos!" "My man!" "It's a killer show." "I'm really proud of you, buddy." "Glad you could make it, my friend." "You look fantastic." "Oh, really?" "I have been working out a little bit." "Not me." "The last gym I was inside moved to Miami." "So did you try the meatballs?" "No." "Don't." "It's soy." "Everything is soy." "These people are freaks." "The champagne's good." "So what did you think of the clothes?" "The champagne's good." "Not a fan?" "Well, everyone says he's a genius, but I--I don't know." "I just don't get it." "Hey, I hear you." "I mean, there's more buckles on those clothes than a straitjacket, which makes sense, because you've got to be crazy to wear 'em." "If you ask me, it's just another case of the emperor having no clothes." "Oh, no, no." "You do not want to see me dance." "Trust me!" "You do not want to see me dance." "[SNAPS FINGERS]" "[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]" "Yeah..." "Milos, break it down with the ladies!" "[SNAPS FINGERS]" "Oh!" "Heh heh..." "Hey, I bruise easy!" "So how was that Sting benefit?" "Terrifying." "This cloning thing is even closer than we think." "Good morning, Maya." "Shh." "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shh!" "[CLINKING SPOON AGAINST CUP]" "Does the clinking bother you?" "[GRIMACING]" "Oh, wow." "There's an article on Milos' show." "What does it say?" ""Famed designer Oscar Milos unveiled his new line" ""to the usual rave reviews." ""The only detractor was Blush magazine's Nina Van Horn, who said, quote, 'The emperor has no clothes.'"" "What the hell?" "Oh, my God!" "Excellent!" "Check out whose elbow's next to Madonna." "Ooh, heh heh." "Nobody I know." ""The emperor has no clothes"?" "Nina!" "Jack, I was not at that party." "Well, according to this, you were." "Oh, for God's sakes, don't you think I'd remember where I was last night?" "Oh, Jack, I am so sorry." "Nina didn't say those things." "Yes, she did." "It's in the paper." "It must be true." "I did." "What?" "What?" "What?" "Maya, how could you?" "I apologize." "I thought it would be fun to go, so we used your creden" "[COUGHING]" ""We?" Who's "we"?" "Hey, gang, did anybody stay home last night and watch that nature show about otters?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Are you kidding?" "They can open clams while floating on their backs." "They're cute." "[TELEPHONE RINGS]" "I'll get it." "I used the credentials, and I drank too much champagne." "How was I supposed to know that that woman was a reporter?" "Well, what'd you expect, that she'd be wearing a big hat that says "scoop"?" "Look, if you had been there, you would've had the same opinion about those ridiculous clothes as I had." "Had the opinion, maybe." "Said the opinion, never." "Maya, in five minutes, you undid years of Nina's evasiveness, half-truths, and sucking up." "Thank you, Jack." "Okay." "I'm sorry, but how much damage could one offhand remark do?" "$3.8 million." "What?" "That was Milos' office." "They just yanked the advertising for the whole year." "Oh..." "All right, that's it." "We've got to get that business back." "Dennis, find a restaurant where it's impossible to get reservations and get reservations." "On it." "Nina, I want you to get all your" "Wait!" "I want to take care of this." "You?" "I made this mess, and I want to clean it up." "I--I--I can be a phony." "I can suck up." "I don't know, you've got all this... integrity." "I can put it aside." "Give me a chance." "All right, but I want to be kept up to date." "God, this is a lousy day!" "Elliott, it's Meredith." "Line two." "All right!" "Elliott, come on." "We'll take it in my office." "Jack, she's calling me." "I know." "Isn't it great?" "I wonder if she got the flowers." "What flowers?" "Hi." "Hi." "Thanks for the flowers." "You're so sweet." "You're welcome." "There sure were a lot of them." "I could barely get into my office." "I hope that wasn't too presumptuous." "No, I loved them, and by the way, tonight's fine." "Tonight?" "Didn't you mention going out again in your poem?" "My poem?" "Yeah, yeah." "So, what'd you have in mind?" "Well, there's a... an opening at a gallery in Soho." "It's for an artist I know who's doing some radical things with acrylics." "Oh, well..." "I don't know, um..." "Or we could take a cruise." "A dinner cruise." "Wow." "Sure." "That sounds fun." "And the cost to you is zero." "Oh..." "Ohh..." "M-M-Milos?" "H-How are you doing?" "Oh, I am dreadful." "I can't get comfortable!" "I need more pillows." "That is not a pillow." "That is a sham." "Where would you like it?" "Behind your back or" "Why don't you put it on my face?" "That is where you would like to put it, isn't it?" "No, Milos, no, no." "You think you're like a king or something of some" "Ah!" "Oh..." "Oh, Reg, my pet, you've done it." "You've silenced the barking of the hell hounds." "That's good, because we have a visitor." "Somebody from Blush magazine." "Nina Van Horn!" "No, no, no!" "Nina Van Horn!" "No, no, no, no!" "No, no, no, no, no!" "S-Someone named Maya." "Uh, I work with Nina." "Oh, I see." "One of Satan's foot soldiers." "Well, you can return to your mistress and delight her with the news that I am a shattered figurine." "No." "I" " I came to your studio" "Studio?" "The emperor has no clothes." "Why would he need a studio?" "Nina didn't say that." "I did." "You?" "Yes, I used her credentials." "I was dying to go to the show." "Nina loves your designs, and so do I." "Hmm." "So when you said..." "[SNAPS FINGERS]" ""No one looks good in big buckles, except theBudweiserClydesdales..."" "That was taken completely out of context." "What I said was," ""no one else looks good up until now,"" "and those horses perform all over the country." "People love them." ""The pilgrim collection" ""certainly reminds me of Thanksgiving." "It's a real turkey."" "That was a misquote." "I said "quirky," as in brilliant." "The puritanical dress juxtaposed with the plunging neckline, it's groundbreaking." "Well, I thought so." "Me too." "So..." "So you're going to... you're going to clarify this in your column?" "Oh, well, the magazine will, but fashion's not my department." "I beg your pardon?" "I'm the articles editor at Blush." "So you have nothing to do with fashion." "You are a..." "What is the word I'm looking for, Reg?" "A person?" "A person." "Yeah, I'm afraid so." "Well, that changes everything." "All right, my children, we are back in business." "So the advertising?" "Yes, you can tell Jack we're still in bed together." "That should curl his hair." "God, thank you." "I felt so bad." "Well, that is the beautiful part, it doesn't matter how you feel." "Reg, get her a cab." "Right this way." "Uh, what did you mean, it doesn't matter how I feel?" "Because you know nothing about fashion or design." "Be gone." "But I have a brain, and I buy clothes." "Don't you care what regular people think?" "Oh, by "regular people", you mean those potato-like creatures on the news that talk about how a tornado has blown away their mobile home?" "[ALL LAUGHING]" "[SNAPS FINGERS]" "No, I mean real women with real bodies." "You'd have to be a six-foot, 95-pound genetic freak to fit into the clown suits you design." "Well, it's pretty hard to take that out of context." "Nobody talks to Milos like that." "I've seen his work." "I can tell." "Wait!" "Bring the girl to me." "You know, people know where I am." "They're gonna be plenty worried." "[SNAPS FINGERS]" "This is a gown for my new collection." "How would you... change it?" "Well, you mean, after I got rid of all the big buckles?" "Yes, the buckles are gone." "Forget the buckles." "In fact, everybody, drop your belts." "I don't have a belt." "I have a sash." "Let's have a parade for Mr. Sash." "Now, come, sit next to me on the pillow." "Uh, that's a sham." "I am the sham, thanks to you." "Now, sit down." "You've been demoted to a house cat." "[SNAPS FINGERS]" "Uh... r-reow!" "Now, what else would you change?" "Well, I'd... lower the waistline." "[SNAPS FINGERS]" "To where?" "The waist?" "Interesting." "Go on." "And... maybe give it a little bit more flow, so you can move." "Like... that?" "Oh..." "God, that's beautiful." "You really do have a gift." "No, you are beautiful." "You are my muse." "From now on," "I want no more yes men." "That's an excellent idea, Milos." "You're a genius." "What did you say?" "R-reow." "Good morning!" "Great morning!" "I just got off the phone with the ad department." "Milos is back on board." "You're kidding." "How did you do it?" "Hmm..." "I just told him exactly how I felt." "Seems that he's been surrounded by yes men for so many years, he just wanted some honest feedback." "Yeah, and I want to get a goat and make my own cheese." "Maya, some guy from Milos' office just dropped this off for you." "I can't believe it." "This is it." "This is what?" "He asked me my opinion on a design, and this is it!" "He asked you?" "[GIGGLING]" ""Dear Maya, please do me the honor of wearing our creation to theGramercy Fund ball tonight."" "I don't believe it!" "You're invited to the ball, and I'm not?" "Aw, looks like another evening at home talking to the mirror." ""Thanks for the kick in the patootie." "Kisses, Milos."" "See?" "When you tell the truth, things just work out." "Well, Maya, you have rocked my world." "I'm turning over a new leaf." "From now on, I'm going to deal directly and honestly with every person I meet." "Nina, it's your mother." "I'm with a patient." "So, uh... how many tickets he throw in there?" "Two." "Would you like to join me?" "Well, gee, I don't know." "I've never been to one of those fancy shindigs." "I wouldn't know how to act." "Hey, I'd love to" "Uh-uh." "She said me." "Elliott!" "Elliott, how was it?" "Did she go nuts over the cruise?" "She didn't go nuts over the cruise." "What?" "I've road-tested that baby dozens of times." "She broke it off." "She said I was smothering her, Jack." "She said that the relationship was getting creepy." "Creepy?" "If putting a billboard up outside her office with your picture and the words "soulmates forever" is creepy, then I say guilty as charged." "Jack, you didn't." "Please." "Don't worry, Elliott." "I know where they keep theMacy'sballoons." "Whoo hoo hoo!" "[HUMMING]" "Finch, a little help." "Oh, yeah." "[CROWD CHEERING]" "Wow." "They must really like the dress." "Yeah, it's completely see-through." "Oh, my God, the lights!" "Now who has no clothes?" "[CACKLING]" "* Life keeps bringing me Back to you *" "* Keeps bringing me home *" "* It don't matter what I'm gonna do *" "* 'Cause It's got a mind of its own *" "* Life keeps bringing me Back to you **"