"# Bread of heaven, bread of heaven... #" "# In this barren wilderness..." "# Song of praises, song of praises" "# I will ever give to thee, I... #" "# Be the Lord..." "# Song of praises, song of praises" "# I will ever give to thee... #" "# Wake of death and... #" "# Song of praises, song of praises" "# I will ever give to thee" "# I will ever give to thee" "# When I pass the verge of Jordan... #" "# Song of praises, song of praises" "# I will ever give to thee" "# I will ever give to thee... #" "Amen!" "# Amen#" " Hello, Reverend." " Mr Allnut." "Here's your mail." "Sorry I'm late, but one thing and another kept me." "You know how it is." "Or maybe you don't." " Good morning." " Morning, miss." " Ah, splendid." "They've come at last." " Huh?" " My rose trees." " You'll stay for tea?" "Don't mind if I do." "I need something in my condition." "I'll get a going over when I return." "Them Belgians'll call me names." "But I don't mind being cussed." "They won't fire me." "Nobody except yours truly can get up steam on the African Queen." "You take sugar I seem to remember, Mr Allnut." " That's right, couple of spoonfuls." " And milk?" "That's right, miss." " Bread and butter?" " That's right, miss." " Brother?" " Thank you." "Just listen to this stomach of mine." "The way it sounds, you'd think I had a hyena inside me." "Do have more bread and butter, Mr Allnut." "Thanks, miss, I..." "I don't mind if I do." "Excuse me." "Queer thing, ain't it?" "I mean, what do you suppose makes a man's stomach carry on like this?" "Try a rock cake, Mr Allnut." "No, thanks, miss." " Herbie Morton's a bishop." " Huh?" " Who's that, dear?" " Surely you remember Herbie." "Blond, younger than I am, ruddy." "He sang a solo at the commemoration." ""Holy, Holy", I think." "I think I remember." "It was so long ago." " He's a bishop now." " Splendid." "I'd say Herbie was a bit younger than me, four or five years." "It's surprising, really." "He wasn't up to much as a student." "No more than his share of social graces." " Then, of course, he married well." " Oh." "That manufacturer's widow." "What was his name?" "Griggs?" "Briggs." "That was it." "Alfred Briggs." "Soap flakes, I think." "Mrs Alfred Briggs." "Not to take anything away from Herbie." " I'm delighted for him." " Of course." "Ain't a thing I can do about it." " It was "Holy, Holy"." " More tea, Mr Allnut?" "Thank you, no, miss." "I'd better shove off if I'm to get back to the mine by tomorrow." " Don't hurry, Mr Allnut." " Do stay for dinner." "Thanks just the same." "Oh, uh..." "I probably won't be coming around this way for a couple of months." "Really?" "What about our mail?" "There's not gonna be any for a while." " Why not?" " The Germans will hold it up." " Why, in Heaven's name?" " On account of the war." " War?" "Where, Mr Allnut?" " Europe." "Indeed?" "Between whom?" "Oh, uh..." "Germany, England." " England?" " That's right." " You really mean war?" " That's what they tell me." "Germans claim the British started it." "British blame the Germans." " What do you know?" "What's happened?" " That's all I can remember." "Oh, yes." "The French are in it and all them little countries," "Austria, Hungary, Belgium, Spain, I forget who's with who." " Is that all you can tell us?" " That's all I know." "I'll find out more in Lubumbashi." "I wonder what our position will be?" "What harm could be done in this godforsaken place?" "God has not forsaken this place, as my brother's presence bears witness." " Oh, no offence, miss." " War." "Yeah." "Yeah, looks like it." "Well, I'll be shoving off." "Thanks for the tea." "Take care of yourselves." "Goodbye." "Thank you." "Goodbye, Mr Allnut." "Wretched man." "He's a Canadian." "Doesn't he realise he's in this, too?" "Shouldn't we try to get to Lubumbashi?" "The good shepherd doesn't desert his flock when wolves are prowling." "We must ask the Almighty to bless England and carry her through her hour of trial." "Rose, go in the house and stay there." "What's the meaning of this?" "How dare you?" "Ooh!" "Samuel?" "Samuel!" "Dear, here you are, and without your hat on." "Didn't you hear me calling?" "Yes, but I must get the seeds in." "It's a bit late..." "August." "But, dear, you know it doesn't matter when one plants in central Africa." "Africa?" "Brother, dear, you're not at all well." "A-Africa?" "I'll help you off with your things." "Rose..." "Brother!" "Brother!" "Dear!" "Smite the Amalekites, oh, Lord." "Smite them." "Hit them, die." "Amen." "Cold." "Foggy." "Where's Rose?" " Rose, are you down in the shop?" " I'm here." "Bring me a nice, hot cup of tea." "I'm here, brother, beside you." "I try so hard, you know, to study..." "Hebrew, Greek..." "I've got no facility." "If I don't pass the examinations, I shall volunteer as a missionary." "Rose, too." "Not comely among the maidens, but she, too, can be a servant in the house of the Lord." "Even for such as she, God has a goodly purpose." "I'm putting my books away." "I'm not working any more." "If I don't pass, it'll just mean that God has other work for me." "Thy will be done." "Oh, no, Lord, if it be thy will, let me distinguish myself." "Give me a call..." "here, in England, at home." "Mother would be so proud." "Oh, Lord." "I have tried so hard." "So, they've been here, too, eh?" "After I left the other day, the drums started in the forest." "Pretty soon my boys was moaning." "I asked 'em what the trouble was." "They said the drums said the soldiers was marching off their people and burning their villages so they couldn't come back." "When I got to the mine, everything was a shambles." "My boys took one look and bolted into the forest." "The way I look at it, they plan to make soldiers of the natives and take over all Africa." " Where's the reverend?" " He's in there." "He's dead." "Oh." "Oh, well, now, ain't that awful?" "If they'd shoot a reverend couldn't do 'em a bit of harm, there ain't nobody safe." "They didn't shoot him, Mr Allnut, but they may as well have done." "Oh, that's certainly too bad, miss." "That's all I can say." "When'd he die, miss?" "He died early this morning." "Excuse me, miss." "What I mean to say is, what with the climate, the quicker we get him buried the better... if you don't mind my saying so." " You got a spade?" " Behind the bungalow." "I expect he'd like to be buried in the shade." "While I'm digging the grave, you get your things together." "We can clear out in a hurry." "The Germans might come back anytime." "Why should they?" "They'll be back, looking for the African Queen." "They'd give a lot to get their hands on her and what's in her blasting gelatine, cylinders of oxygen and hydrogen, heaps of things them Germans could use." "The Germans." "I figure we can go somewheres behind an island and talk about what to do." " I'll get ready." "Fine." "I'll be as quick as I can." "Let's go, miss." "Let's go while the going's good." "Pardon me." "Mind taking the tiller, miss?" " Huh?" " Come on." " But I can't steer." " Come on." "A little to starboard, miss." "No, no." "The other way." "Ah." "So far so good." "Here we are safe and sound." " The question is, what next?" " Quite." "We got heaps of grub." "We're all right." "2000 cigarettes, two cases of gin." "We could stay here for months if we wanted to." "Not a bad place to sit out a war." "All the comforts of home, including running water." "We simply can't remain in this backwater until the war is over." "Can't we, miss?" "You got the map." "Show me a way out, I'll take it." "The British will attack." "Which way will they come?" "Maybe from the sea, but that would put the Germans between us." "Mightn't our soldiers come in from British East?" "But the war would be over before they hacked through that forest." "We're in a bit of a fix, miss." "One thing's sure, they won't come up from the Congo." "They can't cross that lake while the Luisa's there." " The Luisa?" " A 100-ton steamer." "The Germans brought her in sections." "She's the boss of the lake cos she's got a six-pounder." " What's that?" " The biggest gun in central Africa." " I see." " Without the Luisa, it'd be easy." "The Germans wouldn't last a month if our men could get across the lake." "All that don't get us any closer to home." "This river, the Ulanga, runs into the lake, doesn't it?" "Well, yes, miss, it does." "But if you got ideas about going in this launch, get rid of 'em." "Why?" "Well, first off, there's Shona." "The Germans have a fort there." "If we tried to pass their guns, they'd blow us up." "Then there's the rapids." "100 miles of water like it was coming from a fire hose." "Then the river's called the Bora." "They didn't know it was the same river until this Spengler..." " He got down it, I remember." " Yes, in a dug-out canoe." "With six Swahili paddlers." "That was his map you was looking at." "Mr Allnut, what's in these boxes with the red lines on them?" "Oh, them?" "Well, that's blasting gelatine, miss." " Is it dangerous?" " No, miss." "That's safety stuff." "You can get it wet and it don't do it any harm." "You can hit it with a hammer, and it won't go off." "Takes a detonator to set it off." " I'll put it over the side for you." " No, we may want it." "What are these long, round, torpedo-like things?" "Oh, them?" "Them's oxygen and hydrogen cylinders, miss." " Mr Allnut..." " I'm still right here." "There ain't any other place I could be on a 30-foot boat." "You're a machinist, aren't you?" "Wasn't that your job at the mine?" "Yes, a kind of jack-of-all-trades, master of none, like they say." " Could you make a torpedo?" " How's that, miss?" "Could you make a torpedo?" "A torpedo?" "Ask me to make a dreadnought and do it up right." "A torpedo?" "You don't know what you're asking." "There ain't nothing so complicated as the insides of a torpedo." "It's got gyroscopes, compressed air chambers..." "But all those things, they're only to make it go, right?" "Yeah." "Yeah, go and hit what it's aimed at." "Well, we've got the African Queen." "Uh, how's that, miss?" "If we were to fill those cylinders with that blasting gelatine and fix them out over the boat, then run the boat against a ship, they'd go off just like a torpedo, wouldn't they?" "Yeah, if they had detonators in the end." "We could get a good head of steam up, and just before she hits, we could dive off, couldn't we?" "Why, sure, miss." "Sure." "Absolutely." "There's one thing wrong with your idea." "There ain't nothing to torpedo." "Oh, yes, there is." " Is what?" " Something to torpedo." " What's that?" " The Luisa." "The Luisa?" "!" "Oh, now, don't talk silly." "You can't do that, honest!" "We can't get down the Ulanga." "Spengler did." "If a German did it, we can, too." "You never tried it!" "I never tried shooting myself in the head neither!" "Trouble is, you don't know anything about boats." "In other words, you refuse to help your country" " in her hour of need, Mr Allnut?" " Huh?" "Well, I wouldn't put it that way." "Just how would you put it, Mr Allnut?" "All right, have it your way, but don't blame me for what happens." "Very well." "Let's get started." " What, now, miss?" " Yes, now." "There ain't two hours of daylight." "We can go a long way in two hours." "Uh, I'll have to get the old kettle to boiling and..." "Well, do so, Mr Allnut." ""Could you make a torpedo?"" ""Well, do so, Mr Allnut."" "A little to starboard, miss." "That's right." "Hey, you're doing fine, miss." "It's really quite easy, isn't it, Mr Allnut?" "Ah, you got to learn to read the river." "Read the river?" "Yeah." "You see that long thing over there, looks kind of like a "v"?" "That means a snag." " Oh." " This choppy water over here, that means shallow." "The Queen don't draw much water, so we can go right over 'em." "Most boats would get their bottoms tore up." "And when it's smooth and flat like that over there?" "Does that mean a rock, Mr Allnut?" "Rocks or hippo, miss." "But don't go bumping into no hippo." "Makes them awful mad." "This boat's only big enough for the two of us." "What was the matter, Mr Allnut?" "Steam pump's full of scum and rust." "She gets clogged up." "Kicking her starts her working again." "I gotta act fast." "One of my boys dropped a screwdriver down the safety valve." "What would happen if you didn't kick her?" "Whole boiler'd blow up." "But if we're going downstream, why do we need the engine at all?" "Boat's gotta go fast or you can't steer." "If I let the engine die going down the rapids, we'd be goners." " Mr Allnut?" " Yes, miss?" "Why not dismantle the safety valve and remove the screwdriver?" "I'm gonna do that one of these days." "I ain't done it cos I kind of like kicking it." "She's all I've got." "Ahh... it's kind of hot work, ain't it, miss?" "I could do with a drink." "Excuse me." "Oh." "You gonna have one, miss?" "No." " What is it?" " Gin, miss." " Something the matter, miss?" " No." "How'd you like a nice cup of tea?" "I'd like a cup of tea." "It'll taste a little rusty, but we can't have everything, can we?" "There you are." "Get this out of the way." " Sugar, miss?" " Thank you." "Don't mention it." " A bit of supper, miss?" " It's too hot to eat." " How long you been out here, miss?" " About 10 years." " What part of England are you from?" " The Midlands." " Sounds pretty, anyway." " Yes, it is." "It's very pretty." "Ever get homesick?" "It's Sunday afternoons I think of most, the peace and the quiet." "Yeah, on Sunday afternoons, I was always sleeping' one off." " This is very, very good." " Yes, it isn't half bad, is it?" "What brought you to Africa, Mr Allnut?" "The Zambezi bridge." "A whole boatload of us Canucks came to work on it." "Don't know why they wanted it, both sides of the river the same, but why does a chicken cross the road?" " I beg your pardon?" " Nothing, miss." "Ah, sometimes I wish I was back rubbing elbows, as they say." "There's nothing like the noise of a Saturday night to cheer a fellow up." "The rest of the week, I'd be taking orders from somebody." "Out here I'm my own boss." "Anyway, I was until..." "Hey, you didn't see any crocodiles, did you, miss?" "Crocodiles?" "No." "There's no shallows for 'em." "The current's too swift." "I could do with a bath before I turn in." "I'd like a bath myself." "Well, I'll go in the bow and hang off the anchor chain, you stay back in the stern and do whatever you have to." "As long as we don't look, it won't matter." "Well, how about it, miss?" "Very well, Mr Allnut." "That's the ticket." " Mr Allnut!" " Right here." "I can't get back into the boat." "I'll give you a hand." "Close your eyes, Mr Allnut." "All right." "I'm all right, thank you." "Mr Allnut!" "I'm sorry I woke you, miss." "What are you doing?" "I..." "I ain't doing nothing, miss." "Well, get out." "This instant!" "Mr Allnut!" "Mr Allnut!" "You may come in out of the rain!" "Thank you, miss." " Oh, miss?" " Yes, Mr Allnut?" "I'm sorry I gave you such a turn." "That's quite all right, Mr Allnut." " Good night, miss." " Good night, Mr Allnut." " What a frightfully strong smell!" " What smell?" "The river." "Smells like marigolds, stale ones." "Does, huh?" "Not a very good smell for a flower." "They're very pretty, though, marigolds." "They are, huh?" " Mr Allnut?" " Yes, miss?" "The current's quite strong here, isn't it?" "Yes." "We're getting near the rapids." "Really?" "So soon?" "Just around that bend." "Kind of dangerous." "Better let me take over." "Here you are, miss." " Well, miss?" " Yes, Mr Allnut?" " How'd you like it?" " Like it?" " White water rapids." " I never dreamed." "I don't blame you for being scared, not one bit." "Ain't nobody ain't scared of white water." "I never dreamed a mere physical experience could be so stimulating!" "How's that?" "I've only known such excitement a few times before, in my brother's sermons when the spirit was really upon him." " You want to go on?" " Naturally." " Miss, you're crazy!" " Pardon?" "What if we'd come against them rocks?" "But we didn't." "I must say I'm filled with admiration for your skill, Mr Allnut." "Do you suppose, after I've practised, that someday I might try?" "Miss, them rapids ain't nothing to what's in front of us!" "I wouldn't call them rapids at all." " I can hardly wait." " But, miss!" "Now that I've had a taste of it," "I don't wonder you love boating, Mr Allnut." "Is something the matter, Mr Allnut?" "Tell me." "Nothing you'd understand." "I simply can't imagine." "It's been such a pleasant day." "What is it?" "Yes, Mr Allnut?" "All this foolish talk about the Luisa, going down the river." " What do you mean?" " We ain't doing nothing of the sort." "Sure we are." "What an absurd idea." ""What an absurd idea." "What an absurd idea."" "Lady, you've got 10 absurd ideas for my one." "Ha." "Just why don't you want to go on, Mr Allnut?" " The river at Shona." " Shona?" "You're darn right, Shona." "All it takes is one bullet in the blasting gelatine and we're in bits and pieces." " Then we'll go by night." " Oh, no, we won't." "Then it's the rapids." "Nobody in their might rind would tackle the rapids at night." "Then we'll go in daylight on the far side from Shona as fast as ever we can." " Oh, no, we won't." " You agreed to go." "I never did." "I never agreed to nothing." "You are a liar, Mr Allnut, and what is worse, you are a coward." "Woo!" "Coward yourself." "You ain't no lady." "No, miss." "That's what my poor old mother would say to you, if my poor old mother were to hear you." "Whose boat is this, anyway?" "I asked you onboard cos I was sorry for you on account of you losing your brother." "That's what you get for feeling sorry for people." "I ain't sorry no more, you crazy, psalm-singing, skinny old maid!" "# There was a bold fisherman" "# Set sail from off Pimlico" "# And when he got off Pimlico" "# The winds did begin to blow" "# And the little boat wibble-wobbled so" "# Then overboard went he" "# Singing twinky deedle dum" "# Twinky deedle dee" "# Was the highly interesting song that he sung" "# Twinky deedle dum" "# Twinky deedle dee... #" "Oh." "Oh, miss." "Oh, have pity, miss." "Oh, you don't know what you're doing, miss." "I'll perish without a hair of the dog." "Oh, miss." "It ain't your property!" "Ooh." "Oh..." "Oh, what a head." "# There was a bold fisherman" "# Set sail from off Pimlico" "# To catch the bold piggy" "# And the gay macaroo" "# But when he left Pimlico, the winds... #" "Ah, it's great to have a lady aboard with clean habits." "Sets the man a good example." "A man alone, he gets to living like a hog." "Then, too, with me, it's always put things off." "Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow." "But with you, business before pleasure every time." "Do all your laundry, make yourself spick-and-span, get all the mending out of the way, and then, and only then, sit down for a nice quiet hour with the good book." "I tell you, it's a model, like an inspiration." "I ain't had this engine so clean in years, inside and out." "Just look at her, miss." "See how she sparkles." "Myself, too." "Guess you never saw me without whiskers and cleaned up." "I'll bet you wouldn't recognise me, that much of a change." "Dressed up, too." "If I only had some clean clothes like you." "Now, you..." "Why, you could be at high tea." "Say, that's an idea, miss." "How's about a nice little cup of tea?" "Don't you stir." "I'll be glad to make it for you." "Uh... how's the book, miss?" "Not that I ain't read it." "My mum used to read me stories out of it." "How's about reading it out loud?" "I could sure do with a little spiritual comfort myself." "And you call yourself a Christian." "Do you hear me?" "Don't you?" "Don't you?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "What you being so mean for, miss?" "Man takes a drop too much once in a while, it's... only human nature." "Nature, Mr Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above." "Miss..." "I'm sorry." "I apologise." "What more can a man do than say he's sorry, huh?" "You done paid me back, miss." "You didn't even leave me a drop." "Miss, have a heart." "Fair's fair." "You've got to say something." "I don't care what it is." "I'll be honest with you, miss, I..." "I just can't stand no more of this." "I just ain't used to it." "So, you think it was your nasty drunkenness I minded." "Well, what else?" "You promised you'd go down the river." "Miss, listen to me..." "and try to understand." "There's death a dozen times over down the river." "I'm sorry, but blame the Ulanga." "You promised." "Well, I'm taking my promise back!" "All right, miss, you win, as the crocodiles will be glad to hear." "Down the river we go." "Have some breakfast, Mr Allnut." "Thanks." "Don't mind if I do, cos it'll be my last." "Oh, no." "Get up steam." "Breakfast can wait." "Waiting for their supper, miss." "Which side of the river is Shona on?" "How's that, miss?" " Which bank is Shona on?" " Over to starboard, miss." "Good." "Then the sun will be in their eyes." "Huh?" "I say the sun will be in their eyes!" "Don't be worried, Mr Allnut." "Oh, I ain't worried, miss." "Gave myself up for dead back where we started." "Mr Allnut." "Better get down, miss!" " What?" " Fire." "Come here." "Fire on the ship." "Get down lower, miss!" "Nothing to do but let her drift, miss." "Are we going to be all right, Mr Allnut?" "Oh, yes." "Everything's all right, if we can keep up steam and the boiler don't bust and that mend holds and we don't pile up on them rocks." "Oh!" "We made it!" "We made it!" "Hip, hip, hooray!" "We sure put one over on them!" "How curious to be shot at." " They didn't shoot till we passed!" " One isn't afraid at all." "They didn't believe we'd go down the gorge!" " The bullets sound like mosquitoes." " Cos who could?" "I felt like clapping at them!" "Well, we showed 'em!" "Hip, hip, hooray!" "Was my handling of the boat all right?" "Well, yes, miss." "It was better than all right, miss." "Well, we're..." "we're running short of fuel." "We'd better put in someplace." "Well, I... better do some pumping, we'll be swimming pretty soon." " Oh, let me do that." " Oh, no, miss." "No, please let me, while you get fuel." "Easy does it, miss." "Don't wear yourself out." "Picked up a thorn in my foot." " It's gone right through the sole." " Let me." "Oh, thank you, miss." "Do you... recognise these flowers, Mr Allnut?" "Huh?" "I've never seen them before." "Well, I can't say as I have, either." "Perhaps no one has." "I don't suppose they even have a name." "Whether they have or not, they... sure are pretty." "Mr Allnut." "Dear." "Well... well, now." "This is more like it..." "breakfast in bed." "Two spoonfuls of sugar is right, isn't it?" "Fancy you building a fire and all while I slept." "Dear, what is your first name?" " Charlie." " Charlie." "That's a nice name." "Charlie, Charlie." "Give us a kiss." "Charlie." "Charlie." "The more I look at this place, the prettier it gets." "I expect it's just about the prettiest place I've ever been to." "Not that I ain't all for going on down the river." "The sooner we blow up the Luisa, the better." "What I meant was..." "I'd like to come back here someday." " Then you think we can do it." " Of course we can." "Nothing a man can't do if he believes in himself." "Never say die, that's my motto." "I've had misgivings." "As beginning to think the whole thing was a mista" "How's that, miss, I mean, Rosie?" "I had a moment of weakness." "If you're weak, a day or two here won't make any difference." "Oh, no." "We'll go on." "Thank heaven for your strength, Charlie." "Oh!" "No!" "Hey, Rosie." "Listen." "We nearly done it that time." " How much damage have we done?" " Let's get the water out and see." "Yeah." "Better than we could have hoped for." "Skin's tight, no water coming in." "What was that clattering before we stopped?" "That's what we gotta find out." "How are you going to do that, dear?" "I gotta go down underneath and take a look." "I hope there's no fancy currents down there." "Well, here goes." " Could you see anything, dear?" " Yeah." "Shaft's twisted like a corkscrew, and there's a blade off the prop." "We'll have to mend it, then." "Mend it?" "Ha." "Fat chance." "Oh, why is that, dear?" "What should we have to do before we can go on?" "I'll tell you what we could do if we was back in Lubumbashi." "We could pull this old tub out, haul the shaft to the workshop and forge it straight again." "We could write the makers for a new prop." "They might even have one, as this boat's only 30 years old." "While we wait, we could clean 'er bottom, paint 'er up." "Then we put the new shaft in and the new prop and go on our way." "But this ain't Lubumbashi." "Couldn't you straighten the shaft without taking the boat up on shore?" "Uh..." "I don't know." "I might." "Means working under water." "Could be done, maybe." "If you could get the shaft up on shore, could you straighten it?" "I ain't got no anvil, hearth, coal, I ain't got nothin'!" "I saw a Masai native working once using charcoal on a big hollow stone." "He had a boy to fan the charcoal." "Yeah, I've seen that." "I'd use a bellows myself..." "make one easy enough." "Well, if you think that would be better." "There's lots and lots of firewood on the bank." "Why don't you try it?" "No." "No, no." "It ain't no use, Rosie." "I was forgetting the prop..." "blade's gone." "Can't we use the blades that are left?" "The prop would be off balance." "The shaft would be twisted up again." "We'll have to make a new blade." "There's lots of iron and stuff that you could use." "Yeah." "Tie it on!" "Well, if you think that would do, but... wouldn't it be better to weld it on?" "Isn't that the right word, dear?" "Weld it on?" "You're a one, Rosie." "Really, you are." "But isn't "weld" the right word?" "You know what I mean even if it isn't." "I swallowed half the river that time." "You were down there an awfully long time." "The shaft don't want to come, it's stuck!" " Charlie." " Huh?" " Let me help you." " What are you going to do?" " I'm going down there." " Rosie, the currents are fierce!" "I don't want a drowneded woman on my hands." "What will you be thinking of next?" "Well... here goes." "If my dad had put me to blacksmithing when I was a kid," "I don't think I should have ever come to Africa." "I might have... but then I wouldn't have met you, Rosie, old girl." "Charlie." "Well." "There." "That's about as good as I could get it." "Didn't take so long, neither." "Blade'll be different." "I gotta make that." "It turns right enough, but that don't mean nothing." "Question is, will she stand up under a full head of steam?" "Well, we'll get the answer out there." "The Lord help us if it ain't the right one." "Looks like this old river got tired of all the running and jumping and decided to rest for a while." "This must be where the river changes her name from Ulanga to Bora." "Ah, pinch me, Rosie." "Here we are, going down the river like Antony and Cleopatra on their barge." "If it hadn't been for you, this couldn't be." " Aren't you proud of yourself?" " Certainly not." "You kept the engine going." "You mended the propeller." "It wasn't me at all." "There's not another man alive who could've done it." "Right you are, cos no other man alive's got you." "I'll never forget how you looked going over the falls." "Head up, chin out, hair blowing in the wind." "The living picture of a heroine." "Fancy me a heroine." "Oh, Charlie." "You've lost your mind." "Lost my heart, too." "Should we drop the anchor, sweetheart?" "The river needs to rest for a while." "I suppose we do, too." "Rosie, soon we're gonna wish we was back shooting the rapids." " Ooh!" " Oh!" "Ooh, this is awful." "We gotta get out of here." "We got no steam." " I'm going under the water." " That's it." " No!" " But I'm being eaten alive!" "About what you said, look at that." "Oh!" "Get me out of here." "I can't stand it!" "Oh!" "Ahh!" "Ahh!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Ohh, Charlie!" "Oh." "Oh..." "Charlie!" "Hurry, hurry, hurry!" "We got away from them." "You can come out now." "I'm ashamed of myself, Charlie, acting this way, but I..." "I couldn't help it, I was going mad." "Oh, you are so bitten." "The bites themselves ain't so bad, it's having 'em around you." "I've heard of them driving buffalo stark, staring mad so they just run and run until they fall down dead." "Will it be that way wherever we tie up?" " Probably." " What are we going to do, Charlie?" "Well, if the river keeps straight, deep and slow, not much can hurt us." "I'll let the anchor out." "That'll keep us out of trouble." "How much further do you suppose it is to the lake, Charlie?" "Not so many miles as the crow flies." "No telling how many days." "All depends on how much winding around this old river does." "Ah... what a time we've had, Rosie." "What a time." "We'll never lack for stories to tell our grandchildren, will we?" "Nothing but grass and papyrus as far as you can see." " Which is the main channel?" " Don't look like there is one." " What are we going to do, Charlie?" " I don't know." "We can't just go round and round here forever." "Can't just go round and round." "We get in and the grass closes in back of the stern, there's no going back, Rosie." "Anything happens, we just sit there till we go off our heads with fever." " I know it." " All right." "You pays your money and you takes your choice." "That way." "Pull her over." "We've come along by steam, we've paddled and pushed and pulled this old boat along with a hook." "What we ain't done up to now is get out and carry her." "Looks like that'll come next." "It's hard to breathe, the air is so heavy." "Can't tell it from the water." "Or the water from the land, for that matter." "All the channels we've lost, all the twisting and turning we've done." "We may come out where we started, if we come out at all." "We've always followed the current." "That don't mean nothing to this river!" "This river's crazy... crazy as I am!" "Charlie." "Charlie." "Sorry, old girl." "Well..." "Only thing to put the roses back in our cheeks is to get out of these reeds." "What I said about having to get out and carry this old boat was meant to be a joke." "Don't look like a joke now." "Well..." "Ahh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh, the little beggars!" "Ooh, ooh." "Pull them off me." "No!" "If the heads stay in, they'll poison your blood." "Salt." "Salt, salt." "Eww." "Oh, if there's anything in the world I hate, it's leeches!" "The filthy little devils." "There." "There, dear." "There." "Fine specimen of a man I am, ain't I?" "You're the bravest man that ever lived." "You just overdo, that's all." "What you need is a few hours sleep." "There." "Now, are you all comfortable?" "Go to sleep, dear." "And when you wake up, we'll be on our way again." " Rosie..." " Yes, Charlie?" "You want the truth, don't you?" "Even if we had all our strength, we'll never get her off this mud." " We're finished." " I know it." "But, Rosie..." "I'm not one bit sorry I came." "What I mean is... it was worth it." "Dear Lord... we've come to the end of our journey." "In a little while, we will stand before you." "I pray for you to be merciful." "Judge us not for our weakness but for our love, and open the doors of heaven for Charlie and me." "Rosie." "Rosie." "Rosie." "Rosie, dear." "Look." "We're on the lake." "The rain did it... just lifted the old Queen up and carried her over the mud." "We couldn't have been a 100 yards from it last night." "Look, Rosie." "Let's build a fire and get the engine started and get into the middle where we can breathe." "Sure, sure." "We'll be out of here in a jiffy." "This air..." " isn't it wonderful?" " Yeah." "It's like..." "You don't approve, but it's like a shot of gin." "Makes your blood race, your face numb and your spirits soar." "I'm sorry I poured that gin out, Charlie." "Aw, forget it, Rosie." "To show there's no hard feelings, I'll make you another cup of tea." "You carry on more over a cup of tea than I do over a glass of gin." "Is it?" "It's the Luisa and she's coming right at us." "She must be doing 12 knots." "We've gotta make a run for it back to the reeds." "She's coming right toward us." "I thought for a minute they'd seen us." "They're going toward that island." "Probably anchor there tonight and leave in the morning." "Don't worry." "They'll be back again." "You know how the Germans are." "They lays down systems and sticks to them." "Mondays they're one place, Tuesday someplace else and Wednesday they'll be back here." "How long will it take to get the torpedoes ready?" "I don't know." "It depends on the detonators." "Gotta devise something." "I know what you're thinking, Rosie." "You're thinking of taking the Queen out at night when the Luisa comes back, ain't you?" "Well, we ought to manage it." "There." "That ought to work." "When we ram her, these nails will shoot the bullets into the gelatine." "Charlie, you're wonderful." "Can't put them in the cylinders yet." "We'll do that when we're ready to start." "It'll be dark by then." "Can you do it in the dark?" "It's a case of have to." "You're sure they'll come back with the Luisa?" "Mm-hmm." "Dead sure." "The lake's 100 miles long, 50 miles wide." "Luisa does about..." "uh, about 12 knots." "That's 120 miles a day." "Yup." "She'll be back here tomorrow." "When she comes, we'll be ready for her." "Charlie, let's make the Queen as clean as we can." "Scrub her decks and polish her brass." "Sure." "She ought to look her best representing the Royal Navy." " You know, Rosie, I been thinking." " Yes, Charlie?" "There ain't no use in us both going to do it." " Now I see it's a one-man job." " You couldn't be more right, dear." "So when the time comes, I'll put you off on the east shore." "You'll wait while I attend to the Luisa." " You're the one to be put ashore." " Me?" "This was my idea." "I'm the one to carry it out." "Why, Rosie, I'm surprised!" "You're a sensible woman." "We won't have any more talk like that." "I can manage this boat as well as you, and you know it." "Rosie, you're cracked!" "Didn't I steer going down the rapids?" "But you don't know about the engine." "Suppose she broke down on you." "Me, I'd walk back and do a thing or two to that engine... spit on her, kick her, and she'd go right to work." " Oh, she knows who's boss." " I suppose you're right." "Well, now, that's all settled." "I'll dive off just before the crash, swim to shore, and we'll be off to Kenya." "I meant it may be necessary for you to come along." "Didn't we just agree this was a one-man job?" "But you convinced me that it isn't, so it's settled." " We'll go together." " Oh, no we won't." "You'll wait for me on the east shore." "Who do you think you are, ordering me about?" "I'm the captain, and you ain't going." "You'd only be in my way." "I suppose I was in your way going down the rapids." "Then what you said back there was a lie, about how you couldn't have done it alone and how you'd lost your heart and... everything." "You liar!" "Oh, Charlie, we're having our first quarrel." "Oh, Rosie, it's only that I just can't bear the thought of..." "What I mean is, suppose something should happen..." " not that anything will, but..." " Don't you understand, Charlie?" "I wouldn't want to go on to Kenya without you." "Oh, Rosie." "All right." "It'll be you at the tiller and me at the engine, just like it was from the start." "And there's the Luisa, right on time." "Blowing up a bit." "Better get started." "All right?" "Charlie!" "Charlie, I can't steer!" "It's hard to steer." "Too much water in the bow." "Moves out of the water half the time." "Gotta get her nose up or it's trouble!" "Rosie, we're sinking." "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "What is your nationality?" " French?" "Belgian?" "British?" " Yeah." " Yes, what?" " British." "What were you doing on the island?" "Uh, oh, uh, fishing." "You are aware the punishment for giving false testimony is death by hanging?" "Who cares?" "What were you doing on the island?" "I was fishing." " How did you get there?" " I swam." "You're in an area prohibited to all but members of the forces of His Imperial Majesty Kaiser Wilhelm II." "Who cares?" "You are accused of being a spy for the British armed forces." "Have you anything to say that might lead this court to believe otherwise?" "I told you I was fishing." "The court rules death by hanging." "Sentence to be carried out immediately." "Was there a woman with you?" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Charlie!" "Rosie!" "Charlie!" "Who's that woman?" "I..." "I don't know." " You called out her name." " I thought she was somebody else." "I shall hang you twice, I think." " Charlie." " Rosie." "Who are you?" "Miss Rose Sayer." " English?" " Of course." " Why were you on the lake?" " I ain't told 'em nothing." "Silence!" " What were you doing on the lake?" " We were boating." "Last night in such weather?" "We were not responsible for the weather." "As your fellow prisoner has learned, the penalty for not answering is death." "You mean he..." "Charlie..." " Stop that." " Order." "Are they going to hang you, Charlie?" "Fräulein Sayer, you will answer the question." "Very well." "Ask your questions." "Why were you on the lake?" "We came to sink this ship, and we would have except..." "Let's at least have the pleasure of telling them." "Don't believe her." "She's touched." "Stop that, Charlie." "I'm certainly not going to outlive you." "And just how, Fräulein, did you propose to sink the Luisa?" "With torpedoes." " Torpedoes?" " Nein." "Will you be so good as to tell us exactly where and how you acquired torpedoes?" " Mr Allnut made them." " How very interesting." "You don't believe me, do you?" "Charlie, tell them how you made the torpedoes." "Well, well, I..." "See, I took the heads off two cylinders of oxygen, and filled them with live explosive." "That was easy enough." "The detonators took some doing." "You know what I used?" "Cartridges and nails and blocks of soft wood." "Then I put the two cylinders in the bows of the African Queen, near the water line." "When we rammed you, poof!" "Where is the African Queen?" "She sank in the storm." "How did you get onto the lake?" "We came down the Ulanga." "The Bora, you call it here." " That's impossible." " Nevertheless." "But the river's unnavigable." "That may be." "We came down it, though, didn't we?" "And in the African Queen." "Would you hang us together, please?" " Noose." " Wait a minute." " Hey, Captain..." " Yes?" " Will you grant us a last request?" " What is it?" " Marry us." " Was?" "We want to get married." "Ship captains can do that, right?" " Ja!" "Why, Charlie, what a lovely idea." "What kind of craziness is this?" "Come on, Captain." "It'll only take a minute." "It'll mean such a lot to the lady." "Very well, if you wish it absolutely." "What are the names again?" " Charles." " Rosie." "Rose." "Do you, Charles, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?" "Yes, sir." "Do you, Rose, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?" "I do." "By the authority vested in me by Kaiser Wilhelm II," "I pronounce you man and wife." "Proceed with the execution." " Hey, what happened?" " We did it, Charlie!" "We did it!" "But how?" "Well, what do you think?" "You all right, Mrs Allnut?" "Wonderful." "Simply wonderful." "And you, Mr Allnut?" "Pretty good... for an old married man." "I'm all twisted around, Charlie." "Which way is the east shore?" "The way we're swimming, old girl!" "# There was bold fisherman" "# Set sail from off Pimlico" "# To catch the bold piggy and the gay macaroo" "# But when he got off Pimlico" "# The wind, it began to blow... #" "# Bread of heaven, bread of heaven... #" "# In this barren wilderness..." "# Song of praises, song of praises" "# I will ever give to thee, I... #" "# Be the Lord..." "# Song of praises, song of praises" "# I will ever give to thee... #" "# Wake of death and... #" "# Song of praises, song of praises" "# I will ever give to thee" "# I will ever give to thee" "# When I pass the verge of Jordan... #" "# Song of praises, song of praises" "# I will ever give to thee" "# I will ever give to thee... #" "Amen!" "# Amen#" " Hello, Reverend." " Mr Allnut." "Here's your mail." "Sorry I'm late, but one thing and another kept me." "You know how it is." "Or maybe you don't." " Good morning." " Morning, miss." " Ah, splendid." "They've come at last." " Huh?" " My rose trees." " You'll stay for tea?" "Don't mind if I do." "I need something in my condition." "I'll get a going over when I return." "Them Belgians'll call me names." "But I don't mind being cussed." "They won't fire me." "Nobody except yours truly can get up steam on the African Queen." "You take sugar I seem to remember, Mr Allnut." " That's right, couple of spoonfuls." " And milk?" "That's right, miss." " Bread and butter?" " That's right, miss." " Brother?" " Thank you." "Just listen to this stomach of mine." "The way it sounds, you'd think I had a hyena inside me." "Do have more bread and butter, Mr Allnut." "Thanks, miss, I..." "I don't mind if I do." "Excuse me." "Queer thing, ain't it?" "I mean, what do you suppose makes a man's stomach carry on like this?" "Try a rock cake, Mr Allnut." "No, thanks, miss." " Herbie Morton's a bishop." " Huh?" " Who's that, dear?" " Surely you remember Herbie." "Blond, younger than I am, ruddy." "He sang a solo at the commemoration." ""Holy, Holy", I think." "I think I remember." "It was so long ago." " He's a bishop now." " Splendid." "I'd say Herbie was a bit younger than me, four or five years." "It's surprising, really." "He wasn't up to much as a student." "No more than his share of social graces." " Then, of course, he married well." " Oh." "That manufacturer's widow." "What was his name?" "Griggs?" "Briggs." "That was it." "Alfred Briggs." "Soap flakes, I think." "Mrs Alfred Briggs." "Not to take anything away from Herbie." " I'm delighted for him." " Of course." "Ain't a thing I can do about it." " It was "Holy, Holy"." " More tea, Mr Allnut?" "Thank you, no, miss." "I'd better shove off if I'm to get back to the mine by tomorrow." " Don't hurry, Mr Allnut." " Do stay for dinner." "Thanks just the same." "Oh, uh..." "I probably won't be coming around this way for a couple of months." "Really?" "What about our mail?" "There's not gonna be any for a while." " Why not?" " The Germans will hold it up." " Why, in Heaven's name?" " On account of the war." " War?" "Where, Mr Allnut?" " Europe." "Indeed?" "Between whom?" "Oh, uh..." "Germany, England." " England?" " That's right." " You really mean war?" " That's what they tell me." "Germans claim the British started it." "British blame the Germans." " What do you know?" "What's happened?" " That's all I can remember." "Oh, yes." "The French are in it and all them little countries," "Austria, Hungary, Belgium, Spain, I forget who's with who." " Is that all you can tell us?" " That's all I know." "I'll find out more in Lubumbashi." "I wonder what our position will be?" "What harm could be done in this godforsaken place?" "God has not forsaken this place, as my brother's presence bears witness." " Oh, no offence, miss." " War." "Yeah." "Yeah, looks like it." "Well, I'll be shoving off." "Thanks for the tea." "Take care of yourselves." "Goodbye." "Thank you." "Goodbye, Mr Allnut." "Wretched man." "He's a Canadian." "Doesn't he realise he's in this, too?" "Shouldn't we try to get to Lubumbashi?" "The good shepherd doesn't desert his flock when wolves are prowling." "We must ask the Almighty to bless England and carry her through her hour of trial." "Rose, go in the house and stay there." "What's the meaning of this?" "How dare you?" "Ooh!" "Samuel?" "Samuel!" "Dear, here you are, and without your hat on." "Didn't you hear me calling?" "Yes, but I must get the seeds in." "It's a bit late..." "August." "But, dear, you know it doesn't matter when one plants in central Africa." "Africa?" "Brother, dear, you're not at all well." "A-Africa?" "I'll help you off with your things." "Rose..." "Brother!" "Brother!" "Dear!" "Smite the Amalekites, oh, Lord." "Smite them." "Hit them, die." "Amen." "Cold." "Foggy." "Where's Rose?" " Rose, are you down in the shop?" " I'm here." "Bring me a nice, hot cup of tea." "I'm here, brother, beside you." "I try so hard, you know, to study..." "Hebrew, Greek..." "I've got no facility." "If I don't pass the examinations, I shall volunteer as a missionary." "Rose, too." "Not comely among the maidens, but she, too, can be a servant in the house of the Lord." "Even for such as she, God has a goodly purpose." "I'm putting my books away." "I'm not working any more." "If I don't pass, it'll just mean that God has other work for me." "Thy will be done." "Oh, no, Lord, if it be thy will, let me distinguish myself." "Give me a call..." "here, in England, at home." "Mother would be so proud." "Oh, Lord." "I have tried so hard." "So, they've been here, too, eh?" "After I left the other day, the drums started in the forest." "Pretty soon my boys was moaning." "I asked 'em what the trouble was." "They said the drums said the soldiers was marching off their people and burning their villages so they couldn't come back." "When I got to the mine, everything was a shambles." "My boys took one look and bolted into the forest." "The way I look at it, they plan to make soldiers of the natives and take over all Africa." " Where's the reverend?" " He's in there." "He's dead." "Oh." "Oh, well, now, ain't that awful?" "If they'd shoot a reverend couldn't do 'em a bit of harm, there ain't nobody safe." "They didn't shoot him, Mr Allnut, but they may as well have done." "Oh, that's certainly too bad, miss." "That's all I can say." "When'd he die, miss?" "He died early this morning." "Excuse me, miss." "What I mean to say is, what with the climate, the quicker we get him buried the better... if you don't mind my saying so." " You got a spade?" " Behind the bungalow." "I expect he'd like to be buried in the shade." "While I'm digging the grave, you get your things together." "We can clear out in a hurry." "The Germans might come back anytime." "Why should they?" "They'll be back, looking for the African Queen." "They'd give a lot to get their hands on her and what's in her blasting gelatine, cylinders of oxygen and hydrogen, heaps of things them Germans could use." "The Germans." "I figure we can go somewheres behind an island and talk about what to do." " I'll get ready." "Fine." "I'll be as quick as I can." "Let's go, miss." "Let's go while the going's good." "Pardon me." "Mind taking the tiller, miss?" " Huh?" " Come on." " But I can't steer." " Come on." "A little to starboard, miss." "No, no." "The other way." "Ah." "So far so good." "Here we are safe and sound." " The question is, what next?" " Quite." "We got heaps of grub." "We're all right." "2000 cigarettes, two cases of gin." "We could stay here for months if we wanted to." "Not a bad place to sit out a war." "All the comforts of home, including running water." "We simply can't remain in this backwater until the war is over." "Can't we, miss?" "You got the map." "Show me a way out, I'll take it." "The British will attack." "Which way will they come?" "Maybe from the sea, but that would put the Germans between us." "Mightn't our soldiers come in from British East?" "But the war would be over before they hacked through that forest." "We're in a bit of a fix, miss." "One thing's sure, they won't come up from the Congo." "They can't cross that lake while the Luisa's there." " The Luisa?" " A 100-ton steamer." "The Germans brought her in sections." "She's the boss of the lake cos she's got a six-pounder." " What's that?" " The biggest gun in central Africa." " I see." " Without the Luisa, it'd be easy." "The Germans wouldn't last a month if our men could get across the lake." "All that don't get us any closer to home." "This river, the Ulanga, runs into the lake, doesn't it?" "Well, yes, miss, it does." "But if you got ideas about going in this launch, get rid of 'em." "Why?" "Well, first off, there's Shona." "The Germans have a fort there." "If we tried to pass their guns, they'd blow us up." "Then there's the rapids." "100 miles of water like it was coming from a fire hose." "Then the river's called the Bora." "They didn't know it was the same river until this Spengler..." " He got down it, I remember." " Yes, in a dug-out canoe." "With six Swahili paddlers." "That was his map you was looking at." "Mr Allnut, what's in these boxes with the red lines on them?" "Oh, them?" "Well, that's blasting gelatine, miss." " Is it dangerous?" " No, miss." "That's safety stuff." "You can get it wet and it don't do it any harm." "You can hit it with a hammer, and it won't go off." "Takes a detonator to set it off." " I'll put it over the side for you." " No, we may want it." "What are these long, round, torpedo-like things?" "Oh, them?" "Them's oxygen and hydrogen cylinders, miss." " Mr Allnut..." " I'm still right here." "There ain't any other place I could be on a 30-foot boat." "You're a machinist, aren't you?" "Wasn't that your job at the mine?" "Yes, a kind of jack-of-all-trades, master of none, like they say." " Could you make a torpedo?" " How's that, miss?" "Could you make a torpedo?" "A torpedo?" "Ask me to make a dreadnought and do it up right." "A torpedo?" "You don't know what you're asking." "There ain't nothing so complicated as the insides of a torpedo." "It's got gyroscopes, compressed air chambers..." "But all those things, they're only to make it go, right?" "Yeah." "Yeah, go and hit what it's aimed at." "Well, we've got the African Queen." "Uh, how's that, miss?" "If we were to fill those cylinders with that blasting gelatine and fix them out over the boat, then run the boat against a ship, they'd go off just like a torpedo, wouldn't they?" "Yeah, if they had detonators in the end." "We could get a good head of steam up, and just before she hits, we could dive off, couldn't we?" "Why, sure, miss." "Sure." "Absolutely." "There's one thing wrong with your idea." "There ain't nothing to torpedo." "Oh, yes, there is." " Is what?" " Something to torpedo." " What's that?" " The Luisa." "The Luisa?" "!" "Oh, now, don't talk silly." "You can't do that, honest!" "We can't get down the Ulanga." "Spengler did." "If a German did it, we can, too." "You never tried it!" "I never tried shooting myself in the head neither!" "Trouble is, you don't know anything about boats." "In other words, you refuse to help your country" " in her hour of need, Mr Allnut?" " Huh?" "Well, I wouldn't put it that way." "Just how would you put it, Mr Allnut?" "All right, have it your way, but don't blame me for what happens." "Very well." "Let's get started." " What, now, miss?" " Yes, now." "There ain't two hours of daylight." "We can go a long way in two hours." "Uh, I'll have to get the old kettle to boiling and..." "Well, do so, Mr Allnut." ""Could you make a torpedo?"" ""Well, do so, Mr Allnut."" "A little to starboard, miss." "That's right." "Hey, you're doing fine, miss." "It's really quite easy, isn't it, Mr Allnut?" "Ah, you got to learn to read the river." "Read the river?" "Yeah." "You see that long thing over there, looks kind of like a "v"?" "That means a snag." " Oh." " This choppy water over here, that means shallow." "The Queen don't draw much water, so we can go right over 'em." "Most boats would get their bottoms tore up." "And when it's smooth and flat like that over there?" "Does that mean a rock, Mr Allnut?" "Rocks or hippo, miss." "But don't go bumping into no hippo." "Makes them awful mad." "This boat's only big enough for the two of us." "What was the matter, Mr Allnut?" "Steam pump's full of scum and rust." "She gets clogged up." "Kicking her starts her working again." "I gotta act fast." "One of my boys dropped a screwdriver down the safety valve." "What would happen if you didn't kick her?" "Whole boiler'd blow up." "But if we're going downstream, why do we need the engine at all?" "Boat's gotta go fast or you can't steer." "If I let the engine die going down the rapids, we'd be goners." " Mr Allnut?" " Yes, miss?" "Why not dismantle the safety valve and remove the screwdriver?" "I'm gonna do that one of these days." "I ain't done it cos I kind of like kicking it." "She's all I've got." "Ahh... it's kind of hot work, ain't it, miss?" "I could do with a drink." "Excuse me." "Oh." "You gonna have one, miss?" "No." " What is it?" " Gin, miss." " Something the matter, miss?" " No." "How'd you like a nice cup of tea?" "I'd like a cup of tea." "It'll taste a little rusty, but we can't have everything, can we?" "There you are." "Get this out of the way." " Sugar, miss?" " Thank you." "Don't mention it." " A bit of supper, miss?" " It's too hot to eat." " How long you been out here, miss?" " About 10 years." " What part of England are you from?" " The Midlands." " Sounds pretty, anyway." " Yes, it is." "It's very pretty." "Ever get homesick?" "It's Sunday afternoons I think of most, the peace and the quiet." "Yeah, on Sunday afternoons, I was always sleeping' one off." " This is very, very good." " Yes, it isn't half bad, is it?" "What brought you to Africa, Mr Allnut?" "The Zambezi bridge." "A whole boatload of us Canucks came to work on it." "Don't know why they wanted it, both sides of the river the same, but why does a chicken cross the road?" " I beg your pardon?" " Nothing, miss." "Ah, sometimes I wish I was back rubbing elbows, as they say." "There's nothing like the noise of a Saturday night to cheer a fellow up." "The rest of the week, I'd be taking orders from somebody." "Out here I'm my own boss." "Anyway, I was until..." "Hey, you didn't see any crocodiles, did you, miss?" "Crocodiles?" "No." "There's no shallows for 'em." "The current's too swift." "I could do with a bath before I turn in." "I'd like a bath myself." "Well, I'll go in the bow and hang off the anchor chain, you stay back in the stern and do whatever you have to." "As long as we don't look, it won't matter." "Well, how about it, miss?" "Very well, Mr Allnut." "That's the ticket." " Mr Allnut!" " Right here." "I can't get back into the boat." "I'll give you a hand." "Close your eyes, Mr Allnut." "All right." "I'm all right, thank you." "Mr Allnut!" "I'm sorry I woke you, miss." "What are you doing?" "I..." "I ain't doing nothing, miss." "Well, get out." "This instant!" "Mr Allnut!" "Mr Allnut!" "You may come in out of the rain!" "Thank you, miss." " Oh, miss?" " Yes, Mr Allnut?" "I'm sorry I gave you such a turn." "That's quite all right, Mr Allnut." " Good night, miss." " Good night, Mr Allnut." " What a frightfully strong smell!" " What smell?" "The river." "Smells like marigolds, stale ones." "Does, huh?" "Not a very good smell for a flower." "They're very pretty, though, marigolds." "They are, huh?" " Mr Allnut?" " Yes, miss?" "The current's quite strong here, isn't it?" "Yes." "We're getting near the rapids." "Really?" "So soon?" "Just around that bend." "Kind of dangerous." "Better let me take over." "Here you are, miss." " Well, miss?" " Yes, Mr Allnut?" " How'd you like it?" " Like it?" " White water rapids." " I never dreamed." "I don't blame you for being scared, not one bit." "Ain't nobody ain't scared of white water." "I never dreamed a mere physical experience could be so stimulating!" "How's that?" "I've only known such excitement a few times before, in my brother's sermons when the spirit was really upon him." " You want to go on?" " Naturally." " Miss, you're crazy!" " Pardon?" "What if we'd come against them rocks?" "But we didn't." "I must say I'm filled with admiration for your skill, Mr Allnut." "Do you suppose, after I've practised, that someday I might try?" "Miss, them rapids ain't nothing to what's in front of us!" "I wouldn't call them rapids at all." " I can hardly wait." " But, miss!" "Now that I've had a taste of it," "I don't wonder you love boating, Mr Allnut." "Is something the matter, Mr Allnut?" "Tell me." "Nothing you'd understand." "I simply can't imagine." "It's been such a pleasant day." "What is it?" "Yes, Mr Allnut?" "All this foolish talk about the Luisa, going down the river." " What do you mean?" " We ain't doing nothing of the sort." "Sure we are." "What an absurd idea." ""What an absurd idea." "What an absurd idea."" "Lady, you've got 10 absurd ideas for my one." "Ha." "Just why don't you want to go on, Mr Allnut?" " The river at Shona." " Shona?" "You're darn right, Shona." "All it takes is one bullet in the blasting gelatine and we're in bits and pieces." " Then we'll go by night." " Oh, no, we won't." "Then it's the rapids." "Nobody in their might rind would tackle the rapids at night." "Then we'll go in daylight on the far side from Shona as fast as ever we can." " Oh, no, we won't." " You agreed to go." "I never did." "I never agreed to nothing." "You are a liar, Mr Allnut, and what is worse, you are a coward." "Woo!" "Coward yourself." "You ain't no lady." "No, miss." "That's what my poor old mother would say to you, if my poor old mother were to hear you." "Whose boat is this, anyway?" "I asked you onboard cos I was sorry for you on account of you losing your brother." "That's what you get for feeling sorry for people." "I ain't sorry no more, you crazy, psalm-singing, skinny old maid!" "# There was a bold fisherman" "# Set sail from off Pimlico" "# And when he got off Pimlico" "# The winds did begin to blow" "# And the little boat wibble-wobbled so" "# Then overboard went he" "# Singing twinky deedle dum" "# Twinky deedle dee" "# Was the highly interesting song that he sung" "# Twinky deedle dum" "# Twinky deedle dee... #" "Oh." "Oh, miss." "Oh, have pity, miss." "Oh, you don't know what you're doing, miss." "I'll perish without a hair of the dog." "Oh, miss." "It ain't your property!" "Ooh." "Oh..." "Oh, what a head." "# There was a bold fisherman" "# Set sail from off Pimlico" "# To catch the bold piggy" "# And the gay macaroo" "# But when he left Pimlico, the winds... #" "Ah, it's great to have a lady aboard with clean habits." "Sets the man a good example." "A man alone, he gets to living like a hog." "Then, too, with me, it's always put things off." "Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow." "But with you, business before pleasure every time." "Do all your laundry, make yourself spick-and-span, get all the mending out of the way, and then, and only then, sit down for a nice quiet hour with the good book." "I tell you, it's a model, like an inspiration." "I ain't had this engine so clean in years, inside and out." "Just look at her, miss." "See how she sparkles." "Myself, too." "Guess you never saw me without whiskers and cleaned up." "I'll bet you wouldn't recognise me, that much of a change." "Dressed up, too." "If I only had some clean clothes like you." "Now, you..." "Why, you could be at high tea." "Say, that's an idea, miss." "How's about a nice little cup of tea?" "Don't you stir." "I'll be glad to make it for you." "Uh... how's the book, miss?" "Not that I ain't read it." "My mum used to read me stories out of it." "How's about reading it out loud?" "I could sure do with a little spiritual comfort myself." "And you call yourself a Christian." "Do you hear me?" "Don't you?" "Don't you?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "What you being so mean for, miss?" "Man takes a drop too much once in a while, it's... only human nature." "Nature, Mr Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above." "Miss..." "I'm sorry." "I apologise." "What more can a man do than say he's sorry, huh?" "You done paid me back, miss." "You didn't even leave me a drop." "Miss, have a heart." "Fair's fair." "You've got to say something." "I don't care what it is." "I'll be honest with you, miss, I..." "I just can't stand no more of this." "I just ain't used to it." "So, you think it was your nasty drunkenness I minded." "Well, what else?" "You promised you'd go down the river." "Miss, listen to me..." "and try to understand." "There's death a dozen times over down the river." "I'm sorry, but blame the Ulanga." "You promised." "Well, I'm taking my promise back!" "All right, miss, you win, as the crocodiles will be glad to hear." "Down the river we go." "Have some breakfast, Mr Allnut." "Thanks." "Don't mind if I do, cos it'll be my last." "Oh, no." "Get up steam." "Breakfast can wait." "Waiting for their supper, miss." "Which side of the river is Shona on?" "How's that, miss?" " Which bank is Shona on?" " Over to starboard, miss." "Good." "Then the sun will be in their eyes." "Huh?" "I say the sun will be in their eyes!" "Don't be worried, Mr Allnut." "Oh, I ain't worried, miss." "Gave myself up for dead back where we started." "Mr Allnut." "Better get down, miss!" " What?" " Fire." "Come here." "Fire on the ship." "Get down lower, miss!" "Nothing to do but let her drift, miss." "Are we going to be all right, Mr Allnut?" "Oh, yes." "Everything's all right, if we can keep up steam and the boiler don't bust and that mend holds and we don't pile up on them rocks." "Oh!" "We made it!" "We made it!" "Hip, hip, hooray!" "We sure put one over on them!" "How curious to be shot at." " They didn't shoot till we passed!" " One isn't afraid at all." "They didn't believe we'd go down the gorge!" " The bullets sound like mosquitoes." " Cos who could?" "I felt like clapping at them!" "Well, we showed 'em!" "Hip, hip, hooray!" "Was my handling of the boat all right?" "Well, yes, miss." "It was better than all right, miss." "Well, we're..." "we're running short of fuel." "We'd better put in someplace." "Well, I... better do some pumping, we'll be swimming pretty soon." " Oh, let me do that." " Oh, no, miss." "No, please let me, while you get fuel." "Easy does it, miss." "Don't wear yourself out." "Picked up a thorn in my foot." " It's gone right through the sole." " Let me." "Oh, thank you, miss." "Do you... recognise these flowers, Mr Allnut?" "Huh?" "I've never seen them before." "Well, I can't say as I have, either." "Perhaps no one has." "I don't suppose they even have a name." "Whether they have or not, they... sure are pretty." "Mr Allnut." "Dear." "Well... well, now." "This is more like it..." "breakfast in bed." "Two spoonfuls of sugar is right, isn't it?" "Fancy you building a fire and all while I slept." "Dear, what is your first name?" " Charlie." " Charlie." "That's a nice name." "Charlie, Charlie." "Give us a kiss." "Charlie." "Charlie." "The more I look at this place, the prettier it gets." "I expect it's just about the prettiest place I've ever been to." "Not that I ain't all for going on down the river." "The sooner we blow up the Luisa, the better." "What I meant was..." "I'd like to come back here someday." " Then you think we can do it." " Of course we can." "Nothing a man can't do if he believes in himself." "Never say die, that's my motto." "I've had misgivings." "As beginning to think the whole thing was a mista" "How's that, miss, I mean, Rosie?" "I had a moment of weakness." "If you're weak, a day or two here won't make any difference." "Oh, no." "We'll go on." "Thank heaven for your strength, Charlie." "Oh!" "No!" "Hey, Rosie." "Listen." "We nearly done it that time." " How much damage have we done?" " Let's get the water out and see." "Yeah." "Better than we could have hoped for." "Skin's tight, no water coming in." "What was that clattering before we stopped?" "That's what we gotta find out." "How are you going to do that, dear?" "I gotta go down underneath and take a look." "I hope there's no fancy currents down there." "Well, here goes." " Could you see anything, dear?" " Yeah." "Shaft's twisted like a corkscrew, and there's a blade off the prop." "We'll have to mend it, then." "Mend it?" "Ha." "Fat chance." "Oh, why is that, dear?" "What should we have to do before we can go on?" "I'll tell you what we could do if we was back in Lubumbashi." "We could pull this old tub out, haul the shaft to the workshop and forge it straight again." "We could write the makers for a new prop." "They might even have one, as this boat's only 30 years old." "While we wait, we could clean 'er bottom, paint 'er up." "Then we put the new shaft in and the new prop and go on our way." "But this ain't Lubumbashi." "Couldn't you straighten the shaft without taking the boat up on shore?" "Uh..." "I don't know." "I might." "Means working under water." "Could be done, maybe." "If you could get the shaft up on shore, could you straighten it?" "I ain't got no anvil, hearth, coal, I ain't got nothin'!" "I saw a Masai native working once using charcoal on a big hollow stone." "He had a boy to fan the charcoal." "Yeah, I've seen that." "I'd use a bellows myself..." "make one easy enough." "Well, if you think that would be better." "There's lots and lots of firewood on the bank." "Why don't you try it?" "No." "No, no." "It ain't no use, Rosie." "I was forgetting the prop..." "blade's gone." "Can't we use the blades that are left?" "The prop would be off balance." "The shaft would be twisted up again." "We'll have to make a new blade." "There's lots of iron and stuff that you could use." "Yeah." "Tie it on!" "Well, if you think that would do, but... wouldn't it be better to weld it on?" "Isn't that the right word, dear?" "Weld it on?" "You're a one, Rosie." "Really, you are." "But isn't "weld" the right word?" "You know what I mean even if it isn't." "I swallowed half the river that time." "You were down there an awfully long time." "The shaft don't want to come, it's stuck!" " Charlie." " Huh?" " Let me help you." " What are you going to do?" " I'm going down there." " Rosie, the currents are fierce!" "I don't want a drowneded woman on my hands." "What will you be thinking of next?" "Well... here goes." "If my dad had put me to blacksmithing when I was a kid," "I don't think I should have ever come to Africa." "I might have... but then I wouldn't have met you, Rosie, old girl." "Charlie." "Well." "There." "That's about as good as I could get it." "Didn't take so long, neither." "Blade'll be different." "I gotta make that." "It turns right enough, but that don't mean nothing." "Question is, will she stand up under a full head of steam?" "Well, we'll get the answer out there." "The Lord help us if it ain't the right one." "Looks like this old river got tired of all the running and jumping and decided to rest for a while." "This must be where the river changes her name from Ulanga to Bora." "Ah, pinch me, Rosie." "Here we are, going down the river like Antony and Cleopatra on their barge." "If it hadn't been for you, this couldn't be." " Aren't you proud of yourself?" " Certainly not." "You kept the engine going." "You mended the propeller." "It wasn't me at all." "There's not another man alive who could've done it." "Right you are, cos no other man alive's got you." "I'll never forget how you looked going over the falls." "Head up, chin out, hair blowing in the wind." "The living picture of a heroine." "Fancy me a heroine." "Oh, Charlie." "You've lost your mind." "Lost my heart, too." "Should we drop the anchor, sweetheart?" "The river needs to rest for a while." "I suppose we do, too." "Rosie, soon we're gonna wish we was back shooting the rapids." " Ooh!" " Oh!" "Ooh, this is awful." "We gotta get out of here." "We got no steam." " I'm going under the water." " That's it." " No!" " But I'm being eaten alive!" "About what you said, look at that." "Oh!" "Get me out of here." "I can't stand it!" "Oh!" "Ahh!" "Ahh!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Charlie!" "Ohh, Charlie!" "Oh." "Oh..." "Charlie!" "Hurry, hurry, hurry!" "We got away from them." "You can come out now." "I'm ashamed of myself, Charlie, acting this way, but I..." "I couldn't help it, I was going mad." "Oh, you are so bitten." "The bites themselves ain't so bad, it's having 'em around you." "I've heard of them driving buffalo stark, staring mad so they just run and run until they fall down dead." "Will it be that way wherever we tie up?" " Probably." " What are we going to do, Charlie?" "Well, if the river keeps straight, deep and slow, not much can hurt us." "I'll let the anchor out." "That'll keep us out of trouble." "How much further do you suppose it is to the lake, Charlie?" "Not so many miles as the crow flies." "No telling how many days." "All depends on how much winding around this old river does." "Ah... what a time we've had, Rosie." "What a time." "We'll never lack for stories to tell our grandchildren, will we?" "Nothing but grass and papyrus as far as you can see." " Which is the main channel?" " Don't look like there is one." " What are we going to do, Charlie?" " I don't know." "We can't just go round and round here forever." "Can't just go round and round." "We get in and the grass closes in back of the stern, there's no going back, Rosie." "Anything happens, we just sit there till we go off our heads with fever." " I know it." " All right." "You pays your money and you takes your choice." "That way." "Pull her over." "We've come along by steam, we've paddled and pushed and pulled this old boat along with a hook." "What we ain't done up to now is get out and carry her." "Looks like that'll come next." "It's hard to breathe, the air is so heavy." "Can't tell it from the water." "Or the water from the land, for that matter." "All the channels we've lost, all the twisting and turning we've done." "We may come out where we started, if we come out at all." "We've always followed the current." "That don't mean nothing to this river!" "This river's crazy... crazy as I am!" "Charlie." "Charlie." "Sorry, old girl." "Well..." "Only thing to put the roses back in our cheeks is to get out of these reeds." "What I said about having to get out and carry this old boat was meant to be a joke." "Don't look like a joke now." "Well..." "Ahh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh, the little beggars!" "Ooh, ooh." "Pull them off me." "No!" "If the heads stay in, they'll poison your blood." "Salt." "Salt, salt." "Eww." "Oh, if there's anything in the world I hate, it's leeches!" "The filthy little devils." "There." "There, dear." "There." "Fine specimen of a man I am, ain't I?" "You're the bravest man that ever lived." "You just overdo, that's all." "What you need is a few hours sleep." "There." "Now, are you all comfortable?" "Go to sleep, dear." "And when you wake up, we'll be on our way again." " Rosie..." " Yes, Charlie?" "You want the truth, don't you?" "Even if we had all our strength, we'll never get her off this mud." " We're finished." " I know it." "But, Rosie..." "I'm not one bit sorry I came." "What I mean is... it was worth it." "Dear Lord... we've come to the end of our journey." "In a little while, we will stand before you." "I pray for you to be merciful." "Judge us not for our weakness but for our love, and open the doors of heaven for Charlie and me." "Rosie." "Rosie." "Rosie." "Rosie, dear." "Look." "We're on the lake." "The rain did it... just lifted the old Queen up and carried her over the mud." "We couldn't have been a 100 yards from it last night." "Look, Rosie." "Let's build a fire and get the engine started and get into the middle where we can breathe." "Sure, sure." "We'll be out of here in a jiffy." "This air..." " isn't it wonderful?" " Yeah." "It's like..." "You don't approve, but it's like a shot of gin." "Makes your blood race, your face numb and your spirits soar." "I'm sorry I poured that gin out, Charlie." "Aw, forget it, Rosie." "To show there's no hard feelings, I'll make you another cup of tea." "You carry on more over a cup of tea than I do over a glass of gin." "Is it?" "It's the Luisa and she's coming right at us." "She must be doing 12 knots." "We've gotta make a run for it back to the reeds." "She's coming right toward us." "I thought for a minute they'd seen us." "They're going toward that island." "Probably anchor there tonight and leave in the morning." "Don't worry." "They'll be back again." "You know how the Germans are." "They lays down systems and sticks to them." "Mondays they're one place, Tuesday someplace else and Wednesday they'll be back here." "How long will it take to get the torpedoes ready?" "I don't know." "It depends on the detonators." "Gotta devise something." "I know what you're thinking, Rosie." "You're thinking of taking the Queen out at night when the Luisa comes back, ain't you?" "Well, we ought to manage it." "There." "That ought to work." "When we ram her, these nails will shoot the bullets into the gelatine." "Charlie, you're wonderful." "Can't put them in the cylinders yet." "We'll do that when we're ready to start." "It'll be dark by then." "Can you do it in the dark?" "It's a case of have to." "You're sure they'll come back with the Luisa?" "Mm-hmm." "Dead sure." "The lake's 100 miles long, 50 miles wide." "Luisa does about..." "uh, about 12 knots." "That's 120 miles a day." "Yup." "She'll be back here tomorrow." "When she comes, we'll be ready for her." "Charlie, let's make the Queen as clean as we can." "Scrub her decks and polish her brass." "Sure." "She ought to look her best representing the Royal Navy." " You know, Rosie, I been thinking." " Yes, Charlie?" "There ain't no use in us both going to do it." " Now I see it's a one-man job." " You couldn't be more right, dear." "So when the time comes, I'll put you off on the east shore." "You'll wait while I attend to the Luisa." " You're the one to be put ashore." " Me?" "This was my idea." "I'm the one to carry it out." "Why, Rosie, I'm surprised!" "You're a sensible woman." "We won't have any more talk like that." "I can manage this boat as well as you, and you know it." "Rosie, you're cracked!" "Didn't I steer going down the rapids?" "But you don't know about the engine." "Suppose she broke down on you." "Me, I'd walk back and do a thing or two to that engine... spit on her, kick her, and she'd go right to work." " Oh, she knows who's boss." " I suppose you're right." "Well, now, that's all settled." "I'll dive off just before the crash, swim to shore, and we'll be off to Kenya." "I meant it may be necessary for you to come along." "Didn't we just agree this was a one-man job?" "But you convinced me that it isn't, so it's settled." " We'll go together." " Oh, no we won't." "You'll wait for me on the east shore." "Who do you think you are, ordering me about?" "I'm the captain, and you ain't going." "You'd only be in my way." "I suppose I was in your way going down the rapids." "Then what you said back there was a lie, about how you couldn't have done it alone and how you'd lost your heart and... everything." "You liar!" "Oh, Charlie, we're having our first quarrel." "Oh, Rosie, it's only that I just can't bear the thought of..." "What I mean is, suppose something should happen..." " not that anything will, but..." " Don't you understand, Charlie?" "I wouldn't want to go on to Kenya without you." "Oh, Rosie." "All right." "It'll be you at the tiller and me at the engine, just like it was from the start." "And there's the Luisa, right on time." "Blowing up a bit." "Better get started." "All right?" "Charlie!" "Charlie, I can't steer!" "It's hard to steer." "Too much water in the bow." "Moves out of the water half the time." "Gotta get her nose up or it's trouble!" "Rosie, we're sinking." "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "What is your nationality?" " French?" "Belgian?" "British?" " Yeah." " Yes, what?" " British." "What were you doing on the island?" "Uh, oh, uh, fishing." "You are aware the punishment for giving false testimony is death by hanging?" "Who cares?" "What were you doing on the island?" "I was fishing." " How did you get there?" " I swam." "You're in an area prohibited to all but members of the forces of His Imperial Majesty Kaiser Wilhelm II." "Who cares?" "You are accused of being a spy for the British armed forces." "Have you anything to say that might lead this court to believe otherwise?" "I told you I was fishing." "The court rules death by hanging." "Sentence to be carried out immediately." "Was there a woman with you?" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Rosie!" "Charlie!" "Rosie!" "Charlie!" "Who's that woman?" "I..." "I don't know." " You called out her name." " I thought she was somebody else." "I shall hang you twice, I think." " Charlie." " Rosie." "Who are you?" "Miss Rose Sayer." " English?" " Of course." " Why were you on the lake?" " I ain't told 'em nothing." "Silence!" " What were you doing on the lake?" " We were boating." "Last night in such weather?" "We were not responsible for the weather." "As your fellow prisoner has learned, the penalty for not answering is death." "You mean he..." "Charlie..." " Stop that." " Order." "Are they going to hang you, Charlie?" "Fräulein Sayer, you will answer the question." "Very well." "Ask your questions." "Why were you on the lake?" "We came to sink this ship, and we would have except..." "Let's at least have the pleasure of telling them." "Don't believe her." "She's touched." "Stop that, Charlie." "I'm certainly not going to outlive you." "And just how, Fräulein, did you propose to sink the Luisa?" "With torpedoes." " Torpedoes?" " Nein." "Will you be so good as to tell us exactly where and how you acquired torpedoes?" " Mr Allnut made them." " How very interesting." "You don't believe me, do you?" "Charlie, tell them how you made the torpedoes." "Well, well, I..." "See, I took the heads off two cylinders of oxygen, and filled them with live explosive." "That was easy enough." "The detonators took some doing." "You know what I used?" "Cartridges and nails and blocks of soft wood." "Then I put the two cylinders in the bows of the African Queen, near the water line." "When we rammed you, poof!" "Where is the African Queen?" "She sank in the storm." "How did you get onto the lake?" "We came down the Ulanga." "The Bora, you call it here." " That's impossible." " Nevertheless." "But the river's unnavigable." "That may be." "We came down it, though, didn't we?" "And in the African Queen." "Would you hang us together, please?" " Noose." " Wait a minute." " Hey, Captain..." " Yes?" " Will you grant us a last request?" " What is it?" " Marry us." " Was?" "We want to get married." "Ship captains can do that, right?" " Ja!" "Why, Charlie, what a lovely idea." "What kind of craziness is this?" "Come on, Captain." "It'll only take a minute." "It'll mean such a lot to the lady." "Very well, if you wish it absolutely." "What are the names again?" " Charles." " Rosie." "Rose." "Do you, Charles, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?" "Yes, sir." "Do you, Rose, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?" "I do." "By the authority vested in me by Kaiser Wilhelm II," "I pronounce you man and wife." "Proceed with the execution." " Hey, what happened?" " We did it, Charlie!" "We did it!" "But how?" "Well, what do you think?" "You all right, Mrs Allnut?" "Wonderful." "Simply wonderful." "And you, Mr Allnut?" "Pretty good... for an old married man." "I'm all twisted around, Charlie." "Which way is the east shore?" "The way we're swimming, old girl!" "# There was bold fisherman" "# Set sail from off Pimlico" "# To catch the bold piggy and the gay macaroo" "# But when he got off Pimlico" "# The wind, it began to blow... #"