"REPORTER:" "We're here in" "Egypt, at the Great Sphinx of" "Giza, where Dethklok is showing us a side of metal that we haven't seen before." "They're giving a concert in support of the health and care of household pets." "NATHAN:" "Most of you know that dogs have balls." "We just found out that cats have balls, too." "And we all know balls make more pets, right?" "So tonight we support taking away balls from living animals." "Let the ball removal begin." "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "[ dog barks, cat shrieks ] [ shrieking ]" "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "[ music stops ]" "Holy shit!" "We almost died." "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Doodily ding dong tick-tock ?" "?" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "?" "?" "I'll...teach you... to...rock... ?" "?" "Dethklok, Dethklok ?" "?" "Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree ?" "?" "Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee ?" "?" "William Murderface" "Murderface Murderface ?" "?" "Pickles the drummer doodily doo ?" "ding dong doodily doodily doo ?" "?" "Nathan Explosion ?" "?" "?" "We almost fuckin' died out there." "Yeah, but guys the thing is that you are safe now." "And that's the important thing." "Moving on.... yeah but we almost did." "I wanna speak on behalf of the band, right guys?" "We talked about this." "And I want to put it out there and say, we can't die." "Alright?" "Guys, you aren't gonna die." "You'll be fine." "Stop saying "die."" "Use a different word." "Yeah, yeah use a different phrase like..." "Something like, uhh, something that's good." "Instead of death, like uhh..." "Hamburger time." "Hamburger time." "Perfect." "Say "hamburger time."" "Hamburgers time." "Hamburger time, alright?" "Well as long as you guys are all worried about," ""hamburger time," uh, maybe it'd help out a little bit if you guys all went to the doctor, just got a check up." "Uh yeah, I'd like to pass on that." "Uhhh, I don't know..." "I'm busy's." "Hey look, my uncle had a big huge thing growing on his neck." "And fine." "Then he goes to the doctor." "Cancer." "Bing bang boom!" "Hair out, hamburger time." "Listen, you guys are going to a doctor, alright?" "And Nathan you gotta go to a dentist to get your teeth worked on." "Oh no, no, no, no, no." "Guys listen, you're closer to death if you don't see a doctor." "Hamburger time!" "Please use the word," ""hamburger time"" "when speaking to us." "You're closer to "hamburger time"" "if you don't see a doctor." "Thank you." "Do you have a cat in your lap?" "Hey I gots a cat in my lap." "It's really cool cat." "You have a cat now." "Yeah, he's gots a little bits of a cough." "Is there anything I can do to get you guys to the doctor?" "If ok, if we go to the doctor, then give us a week to kind of prepare." "Let us go to like an island somewhere and you know, like drink wheatgrass." "Yeah, organic food." "Then you'll check us out and find out we're healthy 'cause we've been taking it easy so well." "Alright guys that's fine." "Take a vacation." "Take a weekend, dry out." "Enjoy yourselves that's fine with me." "Good." "Then we're doing it." "?" "?" "[ all yelling ] [ laughing ]" "?" "?" "Well by the look and smell of you guys, you uh binge drank and did drugs the entire time didn't you?" "Uhhhh whoops." "I'm going to need you to fill these cups." "It's a urine test." "You want our urine?" "That's fuckin' sick." "You're a sick doctor." "Nathan, why you acting all weird?" "I just keep thinking about going to the dentist and I don't like it at all." "I've never liked going to the dentist." "Dentist's are weird people." "You know that they have the highest suicide rate of any profession?" "Dude, that's pretty fuck'd up." "I know!" "They're fuckin' with your mouth, and your teeth are right next to your brain." "I mean, if they start fuckin' with your teeth and then it starts going into your brain, if your tooth rots, then your brain rots, then you die." "Hamburger time!" "Hamburger time!" "What about doctors?" "Doctors are worse." "They're the weird ones." "They wanna check you for like hernias and stuff and then they start jacking you off." "That's what they do." "That's weird." "You got a hernia." "Let me feel your balls." "Think!" "I just don't want some guy with no reason to live fuckin' with my mouth." "You know what I mean?" "Why cant's it be like a lady's boob whats cleans your teeth?" "Haha usually.." "usually you have really bad ideas, but that... that's a billion dollar idea." "Cleaning your teeth with tits." "Dudes we partied too hard so now our bodies are in terrible shape." "So, we got to trick the doctor by making it seem like we're in really good shape." "And there is only one way to do that -- bleach." "Here drink this, Murderface." "Uhh, maybe this ams a stupid question, but whys dont's we just pours bleach into ours cups of urines?" "No!" "Drink the bleach." "Bleach is healthy." "It's mostly water." "And we're mostly water." "Therefore, we are bleach." "Anyway, enough talking." "Let's start drinking." "Murderface, you go first." "Just a little bit, just a little drop." "Okie dokey!" "There you go." "Oh!" "Ah!" "Ah, that burns!" "Keep it down." "Keep it down, bro." "Keep it down." "[ retching ]" "Oh." "Oh god!" "Oh, that was awful!" "[ panting ]" "Who's next?" "Me." "I'll go." "?" "?" "?" "[ muffled ] ?" "?" "?" "Arghhhh!" "Mr. Explosion, you're next." "Won't you come on in, take a seat?" "Uh, eh, you know," "I'd like to stand right here." "I don't think I'm ready to go beyond this uh, point, uh." "Oh, I get it." "You don't want to be around me." "What if we just took things slow and, you know, you just gave me, like, a cup of mouth wash or something." "?" "?" "Try not to think about a guy touching your dick." "Just try not to think about a guy touching your dick." "I know, just pretend it's a chick." "Pretend it's a chick touching your dick, that's all." "Yeah, yeah, that's better." "A really hot chick." "Yeah, that's it." "Hello." "Just relax." "Um, wait, stop moving your hand!" "No, no, no!" "Wait, wait!" "Oh god." "Oohhhhhhhh!" "Oh, no!" "[ moaning ]" "Yeaaaaaaah!" "Bad dick!" "Bad penis!" "Fuckin' stupid gay dick!" "He's a dude!" "Okay, you can put your pants back on." "CFO:" "Well guys it's time to get the results of your medical tests." "I'm sure there is no problem." "Dude I'm not worried at all." "We're totally healthy." "Because we drank that bleach right guys?" "Yes, the result of every test will be positive." "Well that's great to hear, guys." "Oh!" "Here comes the doctor." "So I have your results." "Pickles, you're dying." "Gentlemen, we have a major crisis on our hands." "It appears Dethklok's drummer," "Pickles, is dying from a rare illness." "And unfortunately, we don't have the ability to cure him." "Pickles dying is potentially a seismic event in the Dethklok world." "I agree, General Crozier." "It could have a significant economic and sociologic impact." "So here to explain more is specialist on celebrity death," "Dr Ninmiltrid Fmiltindryden." "Gentlemen, Pickles is not dead yet." "But when he does die, we have taken the precaution of making a pre-recorded post-celebrity death video to control rioting throughout the world." "NARRATOR:" "He was known to the world as Pickles the Drummer." "His thunderous and punishing drum beats brought joy to millions... most people knew Pickles as the most famous drummer alive, but few knew the warm and gentle side." "But at some point, every party has to end." "Now he's rocking the afterlife afterparty, doing double-kicks and blast beats with God." "We'll see you soon, Pickles." "Rock on forever." "I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that I'm dying." "You know?" "Ham- hamburger time." "Pickles this is very difficult to do, but we have to start getting your affairs in order." "Alright, uh," "let's go over the coffin." "You wanted a mahogany lid with a birch shell?" "Yeah." "Uh, mini bar inside?" "Yeah." "Gas-powered with a throttle so you can -- let me see what you wrote here," ""ride to hell in style"?" "You still want all of this?" "Yeah." "Pickles, that sounds like a really cool coffin." "I'd likes to haves a coffins" "Iikes that too." "I want a coffin like that too." "Can I makes a suggestions?" "That yous has a quarter-inch outs and xlr outs 'cause you can never know if it needs both sometimes." "I just think it would be cool if we had this -- that sounds" "like a really cool " " Pickles, that sounds like a really cool coffin." "Hey Pickles I got a great idea." "Why don't you pick your own replacement in the band?" "Too early?" "I just wish I had more time." "Can someone get some sandwiches or something?" "Hey, I just want to say something right now, uh, about how this is all affecting me." "Ummm," "life is short." "And I realize that now." "So, I'm going to go to the dentist and take care of myself so I can live longer." "Hey, well alright." "A little piece of advice here, do not let them give you gas, those weird suicidal motherfuckers, 'cause they'll start fuckin' with you." "They gas you and then they take your ding dong out and start playing with it." "Then they fuckin' commit suicide and then you die with your dick hanging out." "Is that what you want?" "!" "Guys listen!" "I'm dying, alright?" "And I don't have the time to do the things that I love doing anymore -- like taking drugs!" "If I could leave you with any wisdom it'd be black out more during the times that you are alive, so that you don't remember the life that you have." "There." "[ glass shatters ] whoaaa." "Well there's that but, uh, guys, I got to direct this back to me for a second, okay?" "Whoopee!" "A doctor jacked me off in his face and the more" "I think about it, the less okay I am with it." "You know what I'm saying?" "Whoaaaa." "I got to go make this right." "I got to go make this right!" "Hey, make things right with this doctor." "Chill out, read magazines." "Make everything, just got to make it right." "Got to make it right." "He 's a doctor." "What am I worried about?" "Oh try not to think about a guy touching your dick." "Just try not to think about a guy touching your dick." "Just pretend it's a chick." "Yeah." "Stupid dick!" "Stupid gay dick!" "I'm gay!" "I'm gay!" "Ahh!" "Here comes the gas." "You know the gas takes all the pain away." "Gas takes pain away." "Gas takes pain away." "Uhhh." "Oh nurse, I won't be uh, making my appointments tomorrow." "It's uh, well it's all in this note." "It explains everything." "This, this long note." "Well, ready for gas," "Mr. Explosion?" "Uhhh." "Alright." "Gas." "Gas means that your wiener's played with by a suicidal weirdo." "Gas means you're gay." "Dude!" "Who cares if he plays with your dick?" "You'll totally be out." "Take the gas!" "No gas!" " Take the gas!" " No gas!" " Take the gas!" " No gas!" "Take the gas!" "Here comes the gas." "Uh, actually you know, uh," "I'm probably not gonna do it, you know?" "I think it's best if I stay alert." "You know, keep an eye on you." "Make sure you don't do anything, uh, drastic." "[ pencil scribbling ]" "Hey, hey uh doc?" "Excuse me?" "I got to be honest with ya." "I've been uh, I've been feeling kind of weird since that day" "I came in your face." "Oh I'm sorry." "There must be a terrible misunderstanding." "You know I think you jacked me off on purpose." "Why on earth would I do something like... that?" "After all I'm a... married man." "Oh, uh, ew, wait a minute." "I'm having a gay crisis and you're just sitting -- you're-- you're flirting with me!" "You're flirting with me!" "That means that you're a gay doctor!" "That means I'm not gay!" "You're gay!" "You're gay!" "Alright you sick piece of shit!" "Oh glory!" "Alright man!" "Okay." "If you're sure no gas," "let's get started." "Go ahead and uh, you know bring it on." "[ drill whirring ]" "I do not like that sound." "Ahhhhhhhhh!" "Ahhhhhhhhh!" "Whoaaaa!" "[ phone rings ] [ ring!" "]" "Whooopeee!" "[ ring!" "]" "Weeeee!" "Oooohhh!" "Pickles?" "Yeeeahhh!" "Pickles?" "Pickles?" "Pickles?" "Ohhhhhh." "Pickles, I've got some very important news for you and I..." "Yay!" "Pickles I'd like you to return to Mordhaus as soon as possible." "I've got some very important news for you." "That's all." "Alright guys we just got some tests back from the lab and uh," "Pickles, you're not dying." "Oh I'm not dying?" "There's something wrong with your urine." "What happened?" "Uh oh!" "I switched my pee with" "Murderface!" "That's not my pee." "I switched with Skwisgaar!" "It's not me." "I switched mine with Nathan!" "Well it's not me." "I switched mine with Toki!" "I switched my pee with my cat's pees, and he's right... oh my god!" "Oh my god!" "Oh my god!" "He's dead!" "Ah!" "Oh no!" "The cat is the bestest friend I ever had!" "Ahh." "[ cat purring ]" "?" "Goodbyes my sweet little friends ?" "?" "You will be missed ?" "?" "I loves you so ?" "?" "I loves the way your furs felt on my face ?" "?" "You made me happy ?" "?" "Let's go ?" "?" "[ techno music ] ?" "?" "You brought some love in my life ?" "?" "You know you made me feel fine" "?" "made me feel fine ?" "?" "I dig your kitty design ?" "?" "You know you kept me in line ?" "?" "And then you left us behind ?" "?" "Now I'm alive ?" "?" "You know it never was me because I poisoned my pee ?" "?" "And now I'm finally free ?" "?" "And now I've got so much time so I can drink and get high ?" "?" "No more hamburger time ?" "?" "No more hamburger time ?" "?" "And I got anesthetized ?" "?" "And my dentist friend is fine" "?" "We hang out, he wants to live" "?" "Not commit no hamburger time ?" "?" "No, no ?" "?" "I jacked off on a doctor's face ?" "?" "I jacked off on a doctor's face ?" "?" "He jacked off on a doctor's face ?" "?" "I jacked off on a doctor's face ?" "?" "I jacked off on a doctor's face ?" "?" "He jacks off, he jacks off ?" "?" "He jacks off, oh yeah ?" "?" "?" "?" "?" "Hey man, I gotta tell ya, it's one of the coolest hunting trips I've ever been on." "Yeah, I'm really glad we've become pals, Mr. Explosion." "Check this out."