"Previously on "Happyland"..." "We are more than just friends." "Our parents are back at it again." "Thought you had a hot date tonight." "James' wife is here." "You want her gone." "You want both of us gone." "The less entangled we are, the better." "I think you should get to know my dad." "The younger Chandler, Ian..." "Not really a Chandler." "Wrong, all wrong." "Goddamnit, Ricky!" "You missed your cue again." "Where are your cymbals?" "This is the 4th of July." "It needs to be magical and patriotic!" "Sorry, it's just really claustrophobic in this head." "But way to sell the romance, Velez." "It really looked like you were gonna kiss him there." "What?" "That's crazy." "Hey, you're home." "Thought you'd be with Will." "What do you know about Margot Chandler?" "Mija, I told you your dad and I are over." "Not that." "It's..." "Never mind." "¿Qué pasó?" "What happened?" "I don't think James is Ian's dad." "Ray said that Margot was messing around when James was in Japan." "Well, I don't think Ray's word is so reliable." "Yeah, but, after he said it," "I looked up old articles, and I matched dates, and he's right." "Did you say anything to Ian?" "No." "But I don't know what to do." "I can't stop thinking about him." "Oh, honey..." "Sometimes you do remind me of me." "Hi, does Elena Velez live here?" "And you're... you're her daughter?" "Do you wanna come in?" "Sure." "I'll be in my room." "Sorry about the other day." "You never told me you had a kid." "Yeah, her name's Lucy." "How old is she?" "17." "Listen, James, if we can just talk about..." "Are you saying that, um..." "Yeah." "I should go." "That was all about me, not you." "No it wasn't." "He took one look at me and he went the other way." "No." "I'm telling Ian what Ray told me." "Don't do that just 'cause you wanna spite James." "The truth always comes out." "Look at what just happened?" "It's better that he hear it now." "Think about how this is gonna affect Ian." "Sometimes the truth is worse." "That's what you always told yourself, huh?" "Okay, it's your choice." "But just remember, this isn't just about Ian." "This is gonna affect Will and Harper, too." "We're leaving in less than six weeks." "Are you sure you wanna mess with all that before you go?" "Hey." "Hey, Lucy." "Over here." "We're all hanging out together, huh?" "Yeah, welcome to the pre-4th carbo load before the madness begins." "Yeah." "We still on to watch fireworks tomorrow?" "Uh..." "I have to perform on the Princess Suite Balcony with Ian, do the 4th of July Waltz." "But sure, after sounds good." "Oh my God, I'm gonna charm your mom right out of her Chanel pants." "Just to clarify, she doesn't mean literally." "Let's all avoid that mental place." "Moms love me." "Yeah, my mom did." "Oh, wait, she's dead." "You are a terrible human being." " Yeah, and a terrible pool player." " Oh." "You best step off." "I have a taser now." " Oh, yeah?" " All right." "Bring it." "I hope you brought your wallet." "Hey." "This is nice, right?" "Yeah, it is." "Happy 4th, folks." "You know, my grandpa Hank said that Happyland was a place where dreams come true..." "A Parade every hour." "I bet the 4th in New York isn't this ridiculous." "Happyland has its quirks, but it's grown on me." "So... you like it here?" "Yeah." "How are you and Harper doing?" "Uh... she's pregnant." " She's not." " Oh..." "What, after my dad's example, you don't think I'd splurge for a condom?" "So are you curious for any particular reason?" "You guys have always just watched the fireworks since you were kids." "What's wrong with tradition?" "You live in Happyland, you see fireworks every week." "I'm just saying, you've wanted this for years." "Give her something special to remember." "Come on, you're not seven anymore." "Show her you're a man." "You always said I was a man when we were dating." "Yeah, I was a really, really good girlfriend." "Hi, happy 4th!" "Smile." "Just the other day my beautiful wife, Margot, said to me," ""James, now that we're back at Happyland, how would you feel if... "" "We have to move everyone underground." "Tornado warning." " Now?" " Right now." "Folks, we seem to have a bit of a weather emergency on our hands, so if we could ask everyone to move underground right away." "Don't panic." "We will make sure everything is good." "Yeah, let's go." "All right, everybody stay calm." "We're all happy here." "Happy, okay?" "Watch... watch for kids." "We're all so happy." "Hey!" " How real is this tornado warning?" " It's real enough." "All right, keep everybody moving." "Have you seen Lucy?" "We're in crisis mode here." "If you see any performers, tell them to stay in character." "Don't let anyone into a props room, costume room..." " any kind of room." " All right." "Seriously?" "A tornado in July." "Oh, Mrs. Chandler, are you okay?" "I made it here just in time for the first tornado warning in 20 years." "This place is a zoo." "Here, come with me." "This should be quieter." "Yes, Sir, I suppose a park underground is a little like a bunker." "Didn't we meet the other day?" " Uh, Elena..." " Elena Velez." "Hello." "I hope my mom's okay." "I haven't seen her." "I'm sure she's fine." "You guys are still in character, all right?" " Do something... go!" " Right now." "Prince Valor..." "When I was a poor girl, sweeping floors at an Inn," "I got scared when the wind blew at night." "So... what did you do?" "I danced." "It reminded me that a little wind never hurt anyone." "Here, I'll show you..." "And all of our friends." "Oh!" "All right!" "Yeah!" "Let's thank Princess Adriana for that... that wonderful dance." "Yeah." "Now who wants her autograph, huh?" "Come on." "Come get 'em." "Dad, we gotta talk." "Ian, it's our biggest day of the year and we..." "About Lucy Velez." "You don't know what you're talking about." "We both know what I'm talking about." "Ian, look, it's complicated." "No, it's simple." "You're her father." "Look, if we're being honest," "I've never been your favorite." "But you've been a good dad to Theodore;" "be a good one to Lucy, too." "She's... amazing and she's leaving in six weeks." "I think that's enough time to start." "She's leaving?" "Hey." "I just saw you and your dower on monitors." "Are you okay?" "It's been a crazy day." "Right." "Are we still on for tonight, assuming we make it out alive?" " Can't wait." " Great." "I've got something special planned." "Watch where you're going!" "Ah, five hours with this goddamn head on." "I hope this tornado kills me." "Ah..." "Porky's head came off!" "So you were a Princess?" "For how long?" "Almost 20 years." "Oh." "James was an executive here back then." "Did you know him?" "Can you believe this weather?" "I know people only say that to start conversation, but this tornado is actually worthy of it." "I should find my daughter and make sure she's okay." "Excuse me." "I hope to see you before you leave, Elena." "Uh, one time I..." "I saw a monsoon, too." "Pretty cool, right?" "Excuse us." "I wasn't really gonna let him hold it." "You told dad about Lucy?" "Look, I had this handled and now you've gone and messed with his head." "I did what I thought was right." "Okay, I get you're a mastermind," " but you can't control everybody." " Well, someone should control you 'cause apparently you can't control yourself." "You know, you're as bad a boss as you are a brother." "And I am sick of these lectures every time" "I don't live up to the family name." "Oh, that's ironic, seeing it shouldn't be your name, anyway." "What?" "Never mind." "Just forget I said anything." "No, no, no, what does that mean?" "Hey, we got a family that's threatening to sue the park 'cause their kid just saw a headless Ricky." "It's above my pay grade, man." "We'll talk later." "What matters is that you're safe." "I'm fine, mom." " Did you tell Ian?" " No." "You were right." "I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut until we leave." "How about you, are you okay?" "I got stuck in a room with Margot Chandler." "Boston sounds great right now." "Hey, we're clear on the tornado." "Everyone's heading up and we're sticking to schedule." "You're on with Ian in the Enchanted Castle." " 20 minutes." " Thank you..." "For helping Lucy get the scholarship." "It means a lot to us." "Yeah, well, it's been revoked, courtesy of the President of Happyland." "Neither one of you are going anywhere." "Lucy, I'm gonna talk to him, and we're gonna fix this." "There's no fixing it." "I can't believe my dad would do this." "You are going to get the future that you want." "The future?" "How am I gonna get through the next hour working with Ian?" "Nothing's changed." "Everything's changed." "Last week I was leaving and Ian was my brother, and now I'm staying and he's not." "What should I do?" "You know what I'd do." "But, hey..." "You've always been smarter than me." "But right now, you gotta go to the Enchanted Castle because you can't afford to lose your job." "The park is back on!" "Enjoy your 4th, folks!" "You can pick up your photo around the corner." "Thank you." "Check it out." "It's for Lucy." "Not quite what I meant by "be a man."" "It's little Bo Peep." "It's the best I could do last minute." "Blanket from the Prop Room, booze from the Janitor's Secret Stash, got the Roof Key from the Security Office, and I'm gonna grab her right after she finishes her waltz with Ian." "Huh, so does this count as me stepping it up?" "Yeah, you really stepped it up." "All right." "Thanks, Harp." "I'm gonna head over to the Enchanted Castle." "No problem, Will." "Do you wanna come?" "You can take Ian off our hands when they finish." "I'm supposed to work." "But screw it, it's the 4th, and I'm gonna make Ian take me out." "There she is." "Goddamnit." "Ian, I'm sorry I'm late, I..." "Even though you're leaving, I admire the commitment to your job." "I'm not..." "I'm not leaving." "I lost the scholarship." "I'm..." "I'm sorry." "My, uh... your dad revoked it." "Well, it's been a big night for the both of us." "What do you mean?" "Well, according to, uh, Theodore, he's not actually my dad after all." "Wait, why don't you seem surprised?" "Since you met me, all I've done is mess up your life." "Like you needed any more bombs dropped on you?" "So you just weren't gonna say anything?" "I gotta go." "I met my dad today, and he pretended I didn't exist." "Maybe my mom's been right all along." "Maybe the Fairytale is better." "You're giving that scholarship back to Lucy." "Please listen to me." "Be mad at me for lying..." "fine, I'll own that, but don't punish her because of me." "Don't worry about the scholarship." "She's not gonna need it." "I lost out on 17 years with her," "I don't wanna lose any more." "So what happens now?" "So what are you going to do?" "I don't know if I can stick around my family of liars." "Don't worry, you're no longer included." "So you're just gonna leave?" "Yeah, I guess." "Nothing..." "Nothing here makes you wanna stay?" "So, no more worries about Lucy and Ian?" "They're up there in the Princess Suite, all romantic." "That seems pretty into you." "She told you, didn't she?" " Oh my God." " Right?" "Come on, we better hurry." "The fireworks are about to start."