" Good morning, Chris!" " Hey, morning." "Beautiful morning, isn't it?" " Yeah, it is." "Has its possibilities." " Yeah, I'll say." " You're in a good mood." " Yeah, you know why?" " You had a good breakfast?" " No." "It's my birthday tomorrow." "I'll be 30." "Wow, 30." "That's a biggie." "Congratulations." "Yeah, it is, isn't it?" "Yeah." "How you holding up?" "Okay?" "What?" "Well, yeah." "I've never been better." "That's good." "You know, 'cause here in the West... we have this morbid fear of aging... this simplistic glorification of youth." "You know, in the Orient, old age is revered." "It's a time of wisdom and influence." " Well, it's the way it should be." " Yeah." "You know, we impose all these chronological imperatives on ourselves, and..." "We don't make $1 million by the time we're 30... you know, we jump off a bridge." "I know." "It's crazy, really." "Yeah, you look at all the arts, you know, poets, artists, painters... they're always putting their head in the oven... or starting the car with the garage door down." " I know." "It's a waste." " Yeah." "Well, they can bend statistics any way they want, I guess, you know?" "What statistics?" "You know, those adult crisis shrinks, Buhler and Daniel Levinson." "You don't get it by the time you're 30, you ain't gonna get it." "Get what?" "Basics." "You know, career track, intimacy." "Well, they're talking percentages, usually." " Percentages?" "Really?" " Yeah." "What percentages?" "I don't know, 90%, 95%, around there." " Wow." " Yeah." "You still got 5% to play with." "Happy birthday, I'll see you later." "Yeah." "Thanks." "NORTHERN EXPOSURE" "4x01 "NORTHWEST PASSAGES" Subtitles subXpacio" "Good morning, Marilyn." "Morning." "What do we have on the books today?" "Splinter removal?" "MM's stuck up some kid's nose?" " No." " No." "Course not." "My colleagues from Columbia are nipping and tucking... their way up Park Avenue to Westchester." "I'm stuck in the middle of Alaska just praying for a case of Lyme disease." "What are you reading?" "Driver's manual." "Is that right?" "You're getting your driver's license?" "That's great." "Good for you." "I remember when I took the test." "I missed only two." "Didn't even read it." "Go ahead, ask me something." "Something?" "From the thing." "The pamphlet." "Speed limit in a alley." "Speed limit in an alley?" "Okay." "Okay." "Ten miles an hour." "Uh-uh." "Five?" "No." "Come on, higher?" "Lower?" "Give me a hint." "It's an alley." "You said to quiz you." "Okay." "Fifteen miles." "Fifteen?" "No kidding." "Well, look, we don't have any appointments in the foreseeable future." "Come on, I'll give you a driver's lesson." "Uh-uh." "No?" "Why not?" "You make me nervous." "Oh, I make you nervous?" "Thank you very much." "I'll tell you what... you make me nervous." "I make you nervous." "That's great." "That's just beautiful." "Wonderful." "I make you nervous." "Morning, Cicely." "Chris in the Morning... here on KBHR." "Got a hot news flash." ""Guys versus gals eight ball shootout Friday night at The Brick." ""Half price beer and dogs. " You don't wanna miss that." "Birthday greetings to our very own Maggie O'Connell... who's turning the corner on the big 3-0 tomorrow." "It's an important marker on life's journey." "Leaving youth, entering the middle way." "Safe passage, Mary Margaret." "I got me a little milestone of my own happening here." "My engineer license came in." "I've been working the board in your ears for what, two, three years, now?" "Now I got me a real, genuine certificate says I know how." "Does it matter?" "I don't know yet." "Does it make a difference?" "Does a piece of paper make two people more married?" "Does a bar mitzvah make a child a man?" "Why do I have the urge to legitimize myself with a piece of paper?" "Was it to simply put a Post-It Note on this chapter in my life?" "Or to say to the world, "World, Kilroy Stevens, too, was here"?" "And let's see, marinated artichokes." "And smoked oysters." "Well, you might as well treat yourself, huh, Ruth-Anne?" "You only go around once." "You said it." "You have a bundle of mail, dear." "Birthday greetings, no doubt." "Wow, look at this." "Lynnie Lawrence." "Wouldn't you know, Lynnie Lawrence." "Wow, we were best friends growing up." "Well, isn't that nice?" "Oops!" "Whoop, got it." ""You're not getting older." "You're already there. "" "That's funny." "Very funny, Lynnie." "Wow." "These are her kids." "They're so big." "Let's see, "Denny, six." "Matthew, four. "" "Cute." "They look just like her, too." "Neat as a little button." "That's the spirit." "What's the spirit?" "People are so foolish about their birthdays, especially big ones like yours." "They seem to think that... there's a light shining on everything lacking in their life." "What, like not having children?" "Well..." "Well, Ruth-Anne, I'm just 30." "There's plenty of time to have children." "Absolutely." "Plenty." "I mean, I could always do in-vitro or adopt." "And if you never have them, it won't be the end of the world." "Now, don't make any mistake, I love my children, and I loved being pregnant." "But if I hadn't had them, I could have held my head up just fine." "Ruth-Anne, don't forget, I have a career, you know." "I fly a plane." "Yes, you do." "And I have a wonderful life, you know." "Things are great." "And tomorrow's my birthday." "And I hope you have a very happy one." "Thank you." "I will." "Bye-bye, now." "Hey, Chris, listen to this." "I really nailed her this time." "Chapter One." "You ready?" "Yeah." ""Three score and change in God's green acre..." ""I've decided to take time from the rigors of daily living..." ""to look back over the years and chart the course of a life..." ""whose challenges and achievements..." ""may serve as an example and benefit those who read these pages. "" "I like it." "I like it." "Read on." "Oh, that's to come, I've got it all mapped out." "Sort of like a blueprint here in my head." "How does a lad... from Tulsa rise to fame as a United States astronaut?" "And how does he parlay that fame into a vast fortune?" "We'll meet his early influences, his math teacher... his wrestling coach, his mother." "That's the beginning, and that's a good place to start, Maurice." "Yeah." "It'll be my contribution to space travel literature." "I envision the Book-of-the-Month Club, Main Selection." "I see libraries, schools." "Maybe a film adaptation, tasteful, of course... with George C. Scott in the later years." "Hey, right." "I can see it." "I'll be right back with the newest installment." "Hurry up, I can't wait." "Yeah." "One warm beef stew." "I don't know how you do it, Maggie." "Do it?" "Keep it together." "Thirty." "Wow." "I mean, I'm looking down the snout of the big 2-1... and I'm ready to call a T-O." "Well, it's really not all that bad, Shelly." "I mean, actually, I'm dying to get out of my 20s." "I am." "Truly, I am." "I've always wanted to be in my 30s, actually." "I've always thought the 30s would be my decade... that I'd come into my own." "Both the 30s and the 40s." "Yeah, but 30." "You get crow's feet and chicken chin... and your nips start heading south, and your bum turns to yogurt." "It does?" "Oh, yeah." "And the competition's coming up and gaining on you quick." "Who's gonna look at a chick 24 with all these teenage mall-flies... strutting their booty and talking their trash?" "You'd think they'd invented spandex." "Morning, Maggie." "Can I top you off?" "Guess what, hon?" "Maggie's turning 30." "Well." "Bummer, huh?" "Maggie's just a baby." "Thirty is a slice of pie." "He would say that." "He's gonna live to be 120." "But she's only got 10 years till 40, Holling." "Then what's she gonna do?" "What are your plans, Maggie?" "Did you wanna have a party?" "No." "No, actually, I think I'd just like to spend some quality time with myself." "Quality time?" "Well, you know, spend some time thinking about the past... laying it all to rest, and getting that old baggage off... so I can move on ahead, you know?" " The Indians do that." " They do?" "Oh, yeah." "To hold back the terrors of aging... they'll go to the river and send messages... to all the people they've known, dead and alive... that are holding them in their past... and then they think that the great river delivers those messages." " Cool." " Now, that's meaningful." "That's really beautiful." "Yeah." "I think I'll do that." "Good morning, friends." " Holling, cup of java, if you please." " You got it." "Maggie's turning 30, Maurice." "She's blowing off her party." "She's camping by herself... and she's unloading all her old baggage in the river." "Well, congratulations, Maggie." "That's a very important year in a life." "That's the year they separate the men from the boys." "Really?" "That was the year I made full colonel." "My, only 30." "Yeah." "Wow." "I think I've got something about it written here." "Let's see." "Yeah, there we are." ""We were like stallions in the desert." ""Coop, Shepard, me, and Schirra..." ""in my 30th year." ""Leaving the glory of our youth behind us..." ""and embracing our middle years. "" "Marilyn, I find it's always best... to look both ways, dear." "You're a little close to this side, dear." "Aim for the center a little more." "Better?" "Yeah, that's much better." "You might give it a tad more gas." "Marilyn!" "Not so much." "Ease up, for God's sake." "Like this?" "Very good." "Very good." "There's a parking space." "Can you make it?" "Okay." "Oh, my God!" "Thank goodness." "Back in one piece." "So, how'd I do?" "You did very well, Marilyn." "Really?" "For the first lesson, you just did fine." "Same time tomorrow?" "I'm afraid not." "I'm too old for this sort of thing." "Any more stress on these worn-out nerves... and they'll snap just like a frayed old fan belt." "Good luck." "Well, it's been a year since your last physical." "This better not leave a bruise, Fleischman." "Keep your mouth shut." "Big day tomorrow, huh?" "Mmm-hmm." "Turning 30, boy." "Well, I'm up against it myself." "Poor baby." "What, you telling me it doesn't bother you?" "Why should it?" "I have my whole life ahead of me." "You?" "You get hysterical if there's a bunion on your toe." "The death of your youth doesn't raise a ripple?" "That's the difference between us, Fleischman." "I see a passage, you see a wall." "Well, you're running a slight temperature." "You feeling okay?" "Yeah." "Maybe it's just a bug or something." "It's nothing." "Tell you what I think." "I think you're in denial." "About what?" "About what?" "Turning 30." "That's ridiculous." "You're so heavily into denial that you're denying your denial." "Okay, I admit it." "I had some trepidation." "A big life-cycle event like this." "But no pain no gain, Fleischman." "I'm not saying it's not a little scary... but I'm eager to get on with it." "Where's the party?" "I'm not having one this year." "No party?" "No, I'm gonna spend some quality time with myself." "Quality time with yourself?" "Yes." "I'm going camping." "And Ed told me about this wonderful Indian ritual... where you write letters and resolve issues... you know, with people from your past, both living and dead... and then you send them off via the great river." "Well, that sounds like a blast." "Yeah, well, you know, Fleischman, five minutes of self-examination... and you'd end up being your own patient at Bellevue." "Have a ball with yourself, O'Connell." "I will." "Next." "Hey, Marilyn." "What brings you out this way?" "You." "Me?" "Teach me to drive." "You want me to teach you to drive?" "Mmm-hmm." "Oh, wow." "Marilyn, I never did anything instructive before, you know?" "I mean, it's not that I don't want to." "It's just... it's never come up." "You know me, I'm a student of this life, you know, I'm not a teacher." "I mean, I'm more like..." "More like a sponge... than a fountain." "You're a good driver." "I am?" "I've seen you." "It's true." "I am." "I mean, I got a real feel for the road." "I'm experienced." "I've been laying rubber since I was nine years old." "Hot-wired a Mustang at 10." "Me, a teacher, huh?" "Sure, why not?" "Marilyn, I'd be glad to teach you how to drive." "It'd be my privilege." "Good." "Hello, Maggie." "Hey, Ed." "Well, I think that's everything." "Bedroll, fly swatter... lots of paper and pencils for writing my letters." "I brought you a map to your place on the river." "X marks the spot." "Oh, thanks, Ed." "Thanks a lot." "You're welcome." "I hope you're not offended that I'm not asking you along." "Oh, no." "'Cause you know, any other time, I'd really enjoy your company." "We'd have lots of fun." "We'd camp along the river, take out our kayaks, hook salmon." "Right." "But this is a personal journey, you know?" "A time to contemplate and reflect." "It's just something I need to do on my own." "Okay." "I'll write my letters, I'll look at the stars, I'll set my past to rights." "Sounds really good, Maggie." "Well, here goes." "Wish me luck." "Say, Maggie, can I ask you a personal question?" "Yeah, I suppose." "Well, how does it feel to be 30?" "Well, almost 30." "It feels good." "It feels really good, Ed." "I feel more confident, at ease with myself." "Of course, you know, I wish I'd known at your age what I know now." "But better late than never, right?" "Right." "You know, Ed, I feel like I'm at a real point of growth... of transition, like I'm really opening up to what's inside." "That's why your passage ritual's so perfect... because it's a way for me to unburden myself of everything... that's been festering in my guts, you know?" "A way for me to expel it into the universe like a big, popped boil." "Yeah." "Next time you see me, I'll be a different person." "I'll be..." "Well, you'll be 30." "Yeah." "Well, bye." "See you." "Heads up, Fleischman." "We've got an emergency." "I went to take a whiz and the damn thing wouldn't grasp." "I had to do my business like a southpaw." "All right, okay, relax, have a seat." "Ever happened before?" "No." "No?" "Any other pain or symptoms?" "No." "No, I'm as healthy as a horse." "You know that." "110/70." "What is it?" "What could cause me to lose the use of my hand?" "Well, a lot of possibilities." "Potassium abnormality... but usually affects large muscle masses like your thighs or calves." "Tetanus, but you'd be sick otherwise." "Could be nerve damage." "This is a fine final chapter to my memoirs." "I reach outer space and I can't even hold my peter to take a proper pee." "It's your memoirs." "Huh?" "Every time I see you, you're scribbling on this yellow pad." "Yeah, they say a computer's better, but if... pencil and paper was good enough for Hemingway... it's good enough for this flyboy." "You have writer's cramp." "Huh?" "You grip a pencil for hours on end, your hand tends to cramp up." "You think so?" "Well, in all probability." "I'll be damned." "Well, what are we gonna do about it?" "Lay off the writing till the hand comes back... put some heat on it, massage it." "It'll be as good as new." "Uh-uh." "No can do, Joel." "I've got a boy at Doubleday waiting... for the first installment and a prospectus for the rest." "I've set myself a schedule, and I aim to keep it." "See you, Fleischman." "Hey!" "Yoo-hoo!" "Yeah?" "Yeah, excuse me." "Hello." "What are you doing here?" "Well, fishing." "Here?" "Yeah." "It's a beautiful spot, isn't it?" "Best salmon fishing on the river." "Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to move." "Beg your pardon?" "Yeah, I need to camp here, so you're gonna have to fish someplace else." "You want me to move my camp?" "Yeah." "This is Alaska." "There's 600,000 square miles of wilderness out here." "There's nobody on this river for 50 miles." "This is my spot." "But I need to camp here." "You see, I'm from Grosse Pointe, Michigan... and I carry around a lot of baggage from the past." "My parents got divorced last year and... you know, I couldn't help feeling that I've been rebelling... all my life against something that didn't exist." "Look, lady- And my mom... even though she's kind of passive-aggressive... she was totally overbearing, so I have a lot of invasion issues to work out." "And my dad, well, he just wasn't there." "I mean, he was there... but he just had this way of keeping me at arm's length, you know?" "And then I've had all these boyfriends that just die on me." "I mean, each one has been a horrible coincidence." "But is it my fault, you know, that Rick got hit by a satellite?" "A satellite?" "And then tomorrow's my 30th birthday." "So, see, what I really want to do on the eve of my 30th birthday... is write these letters to my significant others... and then mail them up the river." "And then tomorrow when I wake up... the weight will be lifted and the slate will be wiped clean." "I'll tell you what, lady, you can have it." "I can?" "Yeah." "Write your letters, do your business... howl at the moon, hey, whatever it takes." "I'm out of here." "Great." "Thank you." "Diving's kinda like breathing, see?" "You can't think too much about it." "You're really looking comfortable behind the wheel, Marilyn." "That's the important thing, confidence." "Confidence, common sense, and consciousness." "How you feeling?" "All right." "Good, good." "You see, the road, the road is your future." "You, the vehicle, and the road, you're part of a continuum." "Uh-huh." "Now the vehicle is just a means... it's just an enabler, an extension of your idea." "And that's the joy of it, the journey." "Now the greater your rapport with the vehicle, the greater the joy." "Okay." "Take my bike." "Why do I have a Hog?" "I could get from A to B in a station wagon, a minivan, a moped, right?" "Uh-huh." "But for me, a Harley-Davidson, it's the ultimate, ultimate driving machine." "I think, therefore I do." "I can go 50." "Boom, boom!" "I'm going 50." "I like the smell of the exhaust." "I like the rumble." "I lean into a curve, she's there for me." "This is interesting." "This is very interesting." "Without realizing it, I was taking all this for granted." "I mean, this is what teaching means to the teacher." "Makes it all so clear, so crisp, so present." "Thank you, Marilyn." "You're welcome." ""And now that time has passed..." ""I can look back on our time together, Rick..." ""and see the great happiness that was ours." ""Cabin by the lake, our flight checks..." ""and midnight mail runs to Barrow." ""I know that had you lived, you would have realized the error of your ways..." ""and known, too, that I would forgive you everything, as I do now." ""Fondly always, Maggie. "" "Well, guess that's everybody." "Let's do it." "Whoa!" "Guess I got up too fast." "Okay, let's mail you guys." "Rick." "Bruce." "Bye, Bruce." "David." "Take care of yourself, David." "Glen." "Don't take any wooden nickels, Glen." "I got to lie down." "There's been a lot of speculation... throughout history as to when a boy becomes a man." "At the beginning of the previous chapter..." "I made mention to an episode... that took place on the U.S. Grant Military Academy play yard... that I would subsequently refer to." "Will there be anything else for you, Maurice?" "One minute." "It concerned fisticuffs with a young cadet by the name of Stasson." "Sorry." "I was afraid I'd lose my train of thought." "That would be a tragedy." "This young man had accused me of using a full nelson... which would clearly have been a violation of the Rangier Rules..." "See you, Maurice." "Excuse me, Maurice." "Hey, Ed." "Morning, Joel." "Hi." "Do you know where Maggie is?" "She's at the river." "I know." "Which one?" "There are a million rivers." "I need to find her." "You know which one?" "Yeah." "What's wrong, Joel?" "Is everything all right?" "No, it isn't." "She was in my office yesterday and she had a slight fever." "She said it was a bug, but I was running her blood this morning." "Her white counts are markedly high. 15,000." "Oh, my dear." "That's bad?" "Well, it indicates a severe bacterial infection... but she's out there in the middle of nowhere... writing letters to a river, so..." "Ruth-Anne?" "Go." "Go!" "Go!" "Bye." "Two waffles with boysenberry syrup... ham, a cup of coffee, two sugars." "The fish is in my pocket." "Huh?" "I'm outside." "That's right." "It's my birthday." "Happy birthday." "It's the first day of the rest of my life." "So what could happen to her?" "Pneumonia, pancreatitis, appendicitis... infected gall bladder, kidney, liver." "You can pretty much name your organ, Ed." "How about leukemia?" "Yeah, well, I mean, high polymorphonucleocytes can indicate leukemia." "Maggie could have..." "No, she doesn't have leukemia." "I ran a differential on her blood after the CBC... and there were none of the atypical or abnormal cells... that would indicate leukemia." "We don't have to worry about that." "Well, good." "I just wanna get there before she gets toxic." "Poor Maggie." "It's her birthday today." "Yeah." "I don't know, maybe she really, really was okay with it, you know?" "Yeah." "With what?" "Turning 30." "I mean, maybe she's right." "See, to me, it's this big, black wall." "By the time you're 30, you should pretty much be where you're going." "But where am I?" "Alaska." "Yeah, that, too." "Nowhere." "I mean, nowhere I planned to be, anyway." "I had an agenda." "I had goals." "I mean, I remember sitting in the stacks in my carrel at the library at Columbia... and all this work was gonna pay off." "I mean, I figured by the time I was 30..." "I'd be partners in a practice." "I'd be raking it in." "Stuffing money into tax-deferred pension plans." "I'd be married." "That was before Elaine dumped you." "Yeah." "It just wasn't gonna work, anyway." "I mean, not to mention there's a male baldness pattern in my genetic history... not to mention there's a steady decline in the man's sex drive after 18." "There is?" "Oh, yeah." "But you know what the worst thing is?" "What?" "I won't be a whiz kid anymore." "You know I skipped two grades in high school?" "No." "Why?" "Because I was precocious." "Estelle Fleischman's brilliant little grandson." "She got a lot of mileage out of that at the Jewish Community Center." "And I bought into it." "Youngest in my debate club." "Youngest intern in my surgery rotation." "But after 30, you're just..." "I mean, you're another guy on the rope, pulling." "I mean, I still sew the same sutures, I still treat the same gout... but it's expected." "I'm not adorable anymore." "See?" "Well, you look okay to me, Dr. Fleischman." "Thanks." "Thank you, Ed." "Forget it." "Well, I didn't mean it like that." "I mean... well, you're cute." "Better than okay." "I would call you handsome, but you're really not very tall." "It's more like cute." "Marilyn, before we get behind the wheel today..." "I thought we'd take a little look under the hood." "Now, you might ask yourself why." "Why?" "Well, that's a good question." "You know, most people... they're afraid of technology." "Their solution is just to forget it, you know?" "They get in the car and they go." "They move without understanding." "I want you to always keep in mind the words of Robert Pirsig, okay?" "Who?" "Robert Pirsig." "He wrote a book called Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance." "And he pointed out wisely, I think, Marilyn... that Buddha's just as comfy in the gears of a cycle transmission... as he is in the mountaintops or the petals of a flower." "Huh?" "Let's take a little look-see, shall we?" "There she is." "That's the engine, Marilyn." "Isn't she beautiful?" "Why do we say "she"?" "Maybe because an engine is both temperamental and powerful." "That is 360 cubic inches of internal combustion." "Now, the mechanics of an automobile are relatively simple." "You turn your key, a small motor starts under there... that sends a spark to the sparkplug which is right here." "Now, at the same time, you're giving her a little gas, right?" "Yes." "Okay." "Gas is going into the carburetor, which is right there... where it's mixing with air." "Then at precisely the exact moment, the spark causes a controlled..." "Do you remember the spark plug?" "Good." "Well, that causes a controlled explosion." "Now that explosion takes your piston... which is right here under this manifold cover... and it makes it become forced down." "You with me so far?" "I think so." "Okay." "Let's talk about torque for a minute." "Torque?" "Torque." "Webster's defines torque as "a force that produces or tends to produce..." ""rotation or torsion in the drive shaft. "" "You have any questions?" "Let's go for a spin." "Okay." "# In the pines In the pines #" "# Where the sun never shines #" "# And she shivered #" "# The whole night through ##" "What is this?" "Glen?" "Why did you write this?" "Did you wanna humiliate me?" "The letter?" "You got the letter?" ""When we had sex, you'd make that little whimpering noise." ""Some women might've been turned off." ""I thought it was sweet. " How could you say that?" "What?" "I never made any whimpering noise." "I had a deviated septum, so sometimes... when I breathed heavily it made a whistling sound, but I never, never whimpered." "Well, Glen, it's no big deal." "Really." "I mean, it isn't." "It wasn't." "It's just not." "I mean, I'm sure I made noises, too." "Did you stop to think how this might make me feel?" "But you're dead." "Same old Maggie O'Connell." "What?" "My feelings don't count." "I don't have any feelings because I'm dead." "Well, you are." "Aren't you?" "What's the point?" "I never could talk to you." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "We can talk." "Glen!" "Glen, wait!" "We can talk." "I'll listen." "I will." "Glen!" "Glennie." "Glennie!" "I'll listen, Glennie." "I'll listen." "And so began my North County years." "One of the pioneers of Cicely... was tavern master Holling Vincoeur." "Maurice, can I get you anything?" "Yeah, tenderloin, blood rare, side of rings and a cold one, please." "Loin, still kicking." "When I first met Vincoeur, I realized I had found a kindred spirit." "I walked into his establishment and introduced myself." ""Minnifield, United States astronaut," I said." "My friend, together, you and I are going to make this town... a crown jewel in the final frontier." "Actually, Maurice, you asked, did I have any sauerkraut." "When I said I didn't, you said that'd be all right... 'cause you'd take coleslaw." "I can't very well write that, now, can I?" "Well, I guess not." "Hey, Maurice." "Blue or Thousand on your iceberg?" "Scratch that last, just say..." ""I walked into his establishment and sampled the local fare. "" "Which one, Maurice?" "I've got a table full of loggers ready to eat their silverware." "Vincoeur and I, over the years, established a very warm bond... as men sometimes do." "But it was not without its tribulations." "Okay, eat it plain." "You're driving me bat loony with that tape recorder, Maurice." "Give it a rest." "The trouble was over a woman, as is often the case." "Look, you sure we didn't miss it?" "You said it was just past a bend." "We just passed a bend." "Passed 35 bends." "Look, there it is!" "Where?" "Maggie's camp." "Hey, I'll be damned." "You're right." "There it is!" "How'd you do that?" "Go ahead and jump out." "I'll pull the boat up." "There." "Her jacket." "Well, now what?" "Oh, I think she went this way." "You do?" "Yep." "See there, where that twig snapped?" "And there's a footprint." "Huh!" "You can track?" "All right." "Can you learn that or are you born that way?" "Beats me." "O'Connell!" "Oh, my God!" "It's all of you." "Rick!" "David!" "Bruce!" "All my boyfriends." "You're here." "Just like you were." "My little boo boos." "Hey, Rick, when did you get the gut?" "It's me, Maggie." "I'm so glad to see you." "You look a little waxy." "Are you wearing blush-on?" "I'm dead, Maggie." "How should I look?" "Did you get my letter?" ""I used to pretend..." ""I was asleep so that I could watch you flexing..." ""and preening in front of the mirror." ""You had this sad need to be more beautiful than me. "" "You did get my letter." "You wanted me to look good." "I was your trophy." "Now suddenly I'm vain?" "Suddenly, I'm self-absorbed?" "I'm preening?" "You know, if I gained a pound, one pound, she'd take away my ice cream." "Hot dog?" "Just a sec, Bruce." "Rick, I cared about your health." "I mean, all those fatty foods?" "You know you had high cholesterol." "And I could just picture your arteries, you know, the plaque building up like... layers of paint on an old windowsill." "That's my metaphor." "Dave, just" ""Like layers of paint on an old windowsill. "" "That's mine." "I wrote that in my book." "You did?" "Yes." "Are you sure?" "Don't play innocent with me." "You were always co-opting things I wrote, things I said." "Selective memory, O'Connell." "Remember what you want to remember." "Why bother with the rest?" "Why are you shivering?" "Why do you think?" "I froze to death on a glacier." "Or have you forgotten that, too?" "Hey, look, you want this hot dog or not?" "Yes." "No." "I don't know." "She always had to have it both ways." "No, I'm just not hungry." "Constant need with that patina of independence." "Yeah, she used to go through my pockets at night." "Okay, I mean, I admit it." "I wasn't perfect." "But..." "Well, we did have good sex." "We didn't have good sex?" "Mediocre." "At best." "It was all right, I guess." "Nothing to write home about." "I liked it okay." "But I loved you guys." "I did!" "Each one of you, you know, in your own special way." "Rick." "David." "Bruce." "Glen." "And... you." "Who are you?" "Steve." "Steve?" "Escandon." "Steve Escandon." "My dad and your dad were golfing buddies." "We went out once." "We saw Chariots of Fire and then we had some pizza." "We did?" "Just that one date?" "Yeah." "Did we, uh..." "Uh-huh." "But you're not..." "Uh, lightning." "Oil rig." "I was taking some pictures for an annual report." "Boom." "Great potato salad, Rick." "You wanna pass me the ketchup?" "One time in a mall in Anchorage... we ran into these two old friends of hers, Sally and Dick." "Sally and Mike." "It was Sally and Mike." "Let him finish this story." "She always did that." "Always corrected me." "She do that to you?" "Yeah, could never get a word in." "Hey, I didn't mean to, okay?" "So, Maggie introduced me, but she didn't tell them we were living together." "It slipped my mind." "Oh, sure." "You were embarrassed." "Don't be ridiculous." "Well, she didn't want them to know." "They were her "smart" friends." "Well, you know, if that's what you wanna believe." "How well I remember that tone." "Yeah, me, too." "What tone?" "Patronizing with just a hint of sarcasm." "You know, she'd never confront you directly." "It was always this approach-avoidance thing." "You know what I mean?" "You know?" "Always." "I never understood why we were together." "I asked her once and she said, "I love you because you make me laugh. "" "Now, wait a minute." "What's wrong with that?" "That's a lovely sentiment." "She said it to me, too." "Yeah." "Me, too." "Bet she said it to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that walked through the door." "I can't go on with this." "Why are you doing this to me?" "Why am I doing this to me?" "Was there ever an honest moment?" "I mean, did you mean anything you said?" "Well, I'm not sure." "I don't know." "I can't remember." "Selective memory, there." "Very nice." "All right, all right." "I'm a horrible person." "I'm a horrible, terrible person." "You all are so good, and I'm so bad." "That's right." "Okay." "Guys, guys." "Come on." "That's enough, give it a rest." "Fleischman?" "Oh, God." "You didn't kick the bucket, too?" "No." "Ed, nice feathers." "I'm not saying O'Connell hasn't made a mess of things." "I mean, sure, there's denial." "Sure, she's late getting started." "I mean, 30 years old, she should be able to make a commitment." "But she is working on it." "Yeah, you tell them." "I mean, have a little sympathy." "If you had come from the same kind of dysfunctional family... where open communications or the honest expression of emotions... were shunned like the plague, you'd be nuts, too." "Hey, lay off Mom and Dad." "Hey, they slept in two different beds, O'Connell." "Who told you that?" "You did." "But I see progress here." "I see growth." "I don't see her running from something." "I see her running to something." "You think that?" "Yeah, sure." "Now, right now, I'm going to unzip your trousers... and I'm gonna pull them down over your hips." "I'll try not to get turned on." "Here we go, nice and easy." "Get the IV out of my bag." "Okay, Maggie, easy." "You tell me if this hurts." "All right, you're gonna be fine." "You're gonna be just fine." "I don't feel good." "This is an IV of spectrum antibiotics going into your arm, okay?" "It'll fight the infection." "What's wrong with me?" "You have an inflamed appendix, that's all." "It's gonna be fine." "Take it out." "We're going to." "Throw it in the river." "We're gonna get you to a hospital." "You're gonna be fine." "Okay?" "Did you see Rick?" "Look, Rick's dead, Maggie." "He was squashed by a satellite." "Ready?" "One, two, three." "Hey, Marilyn." "Morning, Chris." "What do you say?" "You all ready for your next lesson?" "I'm not going." "What'd you mean you're not going?" "What, a bad time for you?" "You wanna do it later?" "Uh-uh." "Come on, Marilyn, we're gonna have some fun today." "I'm gonna teach you how to parallel park." "I don't want to." "What, you don't wanna drive?" "Uh-uh." "Marilyn, another couple lessons, you know, I'm gonna have you soloing." "You're doing great, you know?" "You'll be all ready to get your license." "I don't want to." "Why?" "I miss walking." "Many sought appointments at Annapolis that year." "What was it that set me apart from the crowd?" "Was it the fire in the belly?" "The grit?" "The determination?" "Ruth-Anne, did you move the kipper snacks?" "They'd bite you on the nose if they were any closer, Maurice." "Oh, yeah, there they are." "All right, now, where was I?" "Oh, yeah." "Eagle Scout, class valedictorian, state wrestling champion... at 142 pounds..." "President of the Young Republican Club." "None of that could hurt that year." "Ruth-Anne, give me about a dozen of those..." "AA batteries, would you?" "She's dragging on me a little bit." "You and me both." "How's Maggie doing?" "Ed checked in." "She's doing just fine." "Sailed through with flying colors." "She'll be home in a few days." "Good." "That's a girl with moxie to burn." "Here's a thought." "Yulong Valley dogfight, my first kill." "Paragraph." "RE:" "The Vagaries of Existence." "Maurice, could I see that a minute?" "Sure." "It's quite a nifty little item there." "The Japs are getting real good at miniaturization." "Mmm-hmm." "My goodness." "Been thinking about where I'd be... without those teachers who taught me." "Earl P. Duffy, Dean of Discipline back home in juvvy." "Earl P. showed me around the lathe, and then in the gym, the uppercut... followed by the left hook." "Pow!" "Uncle Roy Bower, respect for the rifle, the rules of the woods." "Erasmus, reason, the harmonious shaping of my mental world." "Then it came my turn." "Graduation." "From student, I became teacher." "A chance to... give back what had been given to me, light somebody else's fire." "What did I do?" "I blew it, plain and simple." "I flamed out." "I flunked the course." "My student came to me with a desire to know the time... and I told her how to make a watch." "Live and learn." "Power to the hour." "Another broadcast day on KBHR." "You up for a visitor?" "Fleischman." "How you doing?" "Well, I'm so whacked out on pain pills..." "I'm flying." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Well, you look like holy hell." "Thanks." "You don't look so hot yourself." "Well, been up for 36 hours, thanks to you." "What're you doing here, anyway?" "I came on the helicopter." "Helicopter?" "Yeah." "Helicopter." "You?" "You were in a helicopter?" "You're scared of helicopters." "Yeah, well, I'm right." "They are truly horrible." "They have no wings." "Do you know that?" "Don't even have doors." "What was that for?" "Happy birthday." "Yeah."