"[BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]" "Yeah." "Yeah!" " Yeah!" " Aw!" "[MUSIC STOPS]" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]" "JESSE:" "Nice guitar playing, young lady." "Yay!" "Jesse and The Rippers, and Michelle!" "All right, any requests?" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Yes, the lovely young lady in the pink ensemble." "Play the "Do Wah Diddy" song." "Okay." "We" " We can do that song." "But we do need a very short backup singer." "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Same lady in the same pink ensemble." "I'm short." "Would you do us the honor and sing with us?" "It would be my pleasure." "Come on down, babe." "Here you go." "All right." "I told you I'm short." "My mistake." "Sorry." "All right, there you go." "All right, Michelle." "Count us off." "One, two, buckle my shoe." "[PLAYING "DO WAH DIDDY"]" "[SINGS "DO WAH DIDDY"]" "[SINGS "DO WAH DIDDY" A CAPPELLA]" "[PLAYING AND SINGING "DO WAH DIDDY"]" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]" ""I'm a Little Tea Pot." Hit it, boys." "I said, hit it, boys." "[PLAYING "I'M A LITTLE TEA POT"]" "[SINGING "I'M A LITTLE TEA POT"]" "[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]" " Rock 'n' roll!" " Hey!" "Rock 'n' roll!" "[LAUGHS]" "Just think Jess, in one week we'll be saying "I do."" "I do what?" "Oh, that "I do." Right." "Yeah, you remember our wedding?" "All our friends will be there, the wedding cake, there'll be music the big square dance, photographers" "Hey, ho, ho, ho." "Back up." "Did you just say "square" and "dance" in the same sentence?" "Oh, did I forget to mention that?" " Ah." " Ah, well, it's just, uh, my family always tops off every big bash with a good old-fashioned square dance." "Kind of a Donaldson tradition." "Well, the Katsopolis have a tradition too." "Every Christmas, my Uncle Nick tries to balance a ham on his forehead." "But that doesn't mean we have to do it at our wedding." "Oh, gee, I love carnivals." "The chili dogs, the fudge, the cotton candy, the nachos the rides that go round and round..." "[INHALES DEEPLY] ...the cramps, the gas, the nausea." "Excuse me." "I got a fishy." " All right." " All right." "And tell them how you won that fishy." " I threw a ball into his bowl." " Good shot." "Yeah." "At a quarter a throw, it only cost me 18.50." "Congratulations, Michelle." "You got your first pet." "You're gonna sleep in my bed." "Oh, I don't know about that." "Would you like to sleep in Michelle's bed, Flipper?" "[SQUAWKING]" " Let's go find him a fishbowl." "Come on." " Okay." "Where are the girls?" "Oh, D.J.'s saying goodbye to a boy she met at the carnival." "You're not out watching her every move?" "Hey, I don't have to spy on D.J." "I told Stephanie to spy on her." "I had a really great day today." "So did I, Bobby." "So did I, Bobby." "Stephanie, what are you still doing here?" "Well, the three of us were having so much fun it just wouldn't be the same without me." "[CAR DRIVES BY]" "Wow, did you see that '71 Corvette go by?" "Overhead cam, dual manifold, glass packs on the muffler." "Awesome!" "Yeah, totally." "You like cars too?" "Are you kidding?" "I love cars." "Oh, please." "So, what's your favorite car?" "Uh" " Red." "Oh, you mean the new red Porsche 911 Turbo?" "Yeah, that's the one." "I want a Porsche 911 Turbo so bad." "All I need is my driver's license, and $80,000." "I'll call you tomorrow." "We can talk about cars." "Great." "I'll talk to you then." " All right, see you." " Bye." "[IN MOCKING TONE] "Oh, Bobby, I love cars."" "Barforama." "Look how happy that fish is, Michelle." "He's grinning from gill to gill." "Is it a boy fish or a girl fish?" " What are you gonna name your fish?" " I'm gonna name you...." "Martin." "[CHUCKLES] Well then it's a boy fish." "Martin Fish." "Sounds like my accountant." "Why did you come up with the name Martin?" "Because that's his name." "Sorry, dumb question." "Now, Michelle, owning a pet is a big responsibility." "It's gonna be your job to feed him every single day." "He can have all my vegetables." "[CHUCKLES]" "That's very generous of you, Michelle." "But I think Martin prefers fish food." "See, you give him one little pinch every single day." "And you have to keep his bowl clean because, just like people fish like to be clean." "Pinch of food." "Keep him clean." "You got it, dude." "[LAUGHS]" "Michelle, where you going?" "I'm taking Martin for a walk." "[JOEY CHUCKLES]" "First rule of pet care, Michelle:" "If they don't have legs, you don't walk them." "There's so much to remember." "Oh, good, you're not busy." "I've got a surprise for you." "[SQUARE DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON TAPE]" " What in heehaw is that?" " It's time for your square dance lesson." "[CHUCKLES WEAKLY]" "Gosh." "You know, I'd love to sit around and square dance with you but I'm very, very busy right now." "[MUSIC STOPS]" "Jess, you're playing with your hair brushes." "Du-du-dut-dut!" "I just added a lazy Susan to my hair accouterment center for easy access." "Watch this." "You need a comb?" "Bada-bum!" "Buh!" "You're right there." "Uncle Jesse, I need you." "Not now, Deej." "He's very busy accoutermenting." "I just need to borrow some of your car magazines." "Car magazines?" "Since, uh, when are you interested in cars, Deej?" "Well, I decided I'm in a rut." "I need a new hobby." "Who's the boy?" "Wait." "Are you saying just because she's a girl she can't be interested in cars?" "His name's Bobby." "[LAUGHS]" "He's calling tomorrow, and I told him I knew everything about cars." "That's cool." "I always liked it when girls were interested in the same thing I was." "She shouldn't pretend to like something just to make someone else happy." "Really?" "So I guess that takes me off the square dancing hook then, huh?" "Oh, no." "No, that's different." "You don't have to pretend you like it." "I don't care if you hate it, you're still doing it." " Come on." "I'm not gonna square dance." " Yes, you are." "[ARGUING]" "You guys sound like you're married already." " I'm putting my foot down." "I'm" " That's a good start." "Now you put your hands on your hips and circle your partner." "Come on, honey." "Michelle, you know you're not supposed to be taking a bath by yourself." " I'm not." " I see a bathtub with lots of bubbles in it...." "An empty fish bowl." "Michelle, where's Martin?" "He's taking a bubble bath." "You're giving Martin a bath?" "Oh." "Martin." "Buddy, we gotta get you out of here, pal." "[WATER GURGLES]" "He's almost finished." "Hmm." "I'm keeping him clean." "Yep, he's clean." "As a doornail." "He's not swimming." "No, honey, he's not." "Is he sleeping?" "Yeah." "He's taking a nap." "A very long nap." "You fell asleep in the bathtub?" "You're a silly fish." "[SIGHS]" "What's going on, Joey?" "Guys, we got a problem." "Now, brace yourselves." "Martin Tanner is dead." "Oh, no, I can't believe this, the poor" "Who's Martin Tanner?" "Michelle's fish." "He died already?" "Isn't there like a six-hour warranty on those things?" "You sure he's dead?" "Trust me, I know the difference." "Live fish:" "Martin Tanner:" " Poor Michelle." "How is she taking it?" " Well, fine, for now." "She thinks he's just sleeping." "I didn't have the heart to tell her that he's never waking up." "Don't you think she'll figure it out?" "It's probably floating on top of the bowl." "What do you think if we just put him on a rubber raft and tell her that he's working on his tan." "Joey, either way, this fish is not a fun pet anymore." "I think we better tell Michelle what really happened." "Danny's right." "Michelle's a big girl." "We ought to sit her down and explain the realities of life and death." "Danny, tell us how it turns out." "Guys, come with me, please." "Martin, you can sleep with my pig tonight." "[SIGHS]" "Michelle." "Honey." "There's something that we have to tell you about Martin." "He's an excellent sleeper." "Uh, no, honey, uh, Martin isn't sleeping." "I'm afraid he's gone." "No, he's not." "He's right here." "Well, yes, he is here in the physical sense." "But in another sense he's everywhere." "Danny, I don't think they teach philosophy until kindergarten." "You gotta lay it on the line." "Darling, I'm sorry to tell you but your fishy is de" "De" "The best sleeper in town." " Joseph." " Thank you, Jess." "Ahem." "Michelle, do you remember that one Road Runner cartoon where Wile E. Coyote falls off a cliff and he kind of hangs there for a second, and then he goes:" "[WHISTLES]" "[MIMICS NOISY FALL]" "And then he flattens into a pancake and two little feet pop out and then the pancake walks away, and you hear:" "Woop-woop-woop woo-wop." "JOEY:" "Not a big help, huh?" "Michelle." "Honey..." "[SIGHS] ...I'm sorry, but Martin is dead." "This is not good news." "But honey, no fish live forever." "That's right." "The important thing is to remember the happy times you had together, like" "Like the car ride home the walk to your room." "I guess that's about it, isn't it?" "Where are you taking Martin?" "We're gonna give him a proper burial at sea." "Is he going to the ocean?" "Eventually." "Bye-bye, Martin." "Honey, are there any questions you need to ask about what happened to Martin?" "How did Martin die?" "Well, Michelle, Martin died in the bubble bath." "I put him in there." "Well, when I" " I told you that fishies like to be clean, just like people I should have also mentioned that fishies don't take bubble baths." "Now you tell me." "Honey, it was just an accident." "You understand that, don't you?" "Yes, I do." "It was all my fault." "All right, we're all set." "Come on in, Jess." "We're ready." " It's flying Michelle." " I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming." "I'm here." "[JESSE CHUCKLES]" "Guess what, Michelle, we have a very special surprise for you." "A towel?" "They are so literal at this age." "No, it's not a towel." "It's under the towel." "It's your new pet fish." "No, thank you." "Come on, Michelle." "The fishy likes you." "He's wagging his tail." "Yeah, his name is Freddy." "He's saying hi to you, Michelle." "[MIMICS FISH SOUND] Hi, Michelle." "Watch out, Freddy." "I'm big trouble, mister." "Oh, no, sweetheart." "That's not true." "What happened to Martin was just an accident." "Besides, Freddy doesn't live in a little plastic fishbowl." "He's in a fish palace." "It's got gravel and a filter, and my personal favorite a live-in snail that cleans the tank three times a week." "I don't want a fish." "Listen, Michelle, I'll" " I'll tell you what, we'll make Freddy the family fish, okay?" "He'll just stay here right in the kitchen, and you can just be his buddy, all right?" " Okay, but I'm not getting too close." " Sweetheart, listen." "There is nothing to worry about." "That fish is gonna live a long, long time." "He better stay out of the bathtub." "You guys crazy?" "Telling her that fish is gonna live a long, long time?" "They die if you look at them funny." "Jess, we got it covered." "Joey?" "Okay, Deej, how many cylinders in a classic 1966 Ford Mustang?" "I don't know." "Two hundred?" "[MIMICS BUZZER SOUND]" "Wrong again." "The correct answer is eight." "How many questions have you answered wrong so far?" "All of them." "Ding-ding-ding!" "You finally got one right." "Hey, girls." "You ready for the big family square dance lesson?" "Becky, I can't square dance right now." "I'm still cramming for my phone call with Bobby." "Why did I ever tell him I knew so much about cars?" "Because you're boy crazy and you'll do anything to impress him." "D.J., you don't have to pretend you're a car expert." "I know." "But he's so cute." "Deej, if a boy doesn't like you for who you are, then he's not worth liking." "[PHONE RINGING]" "That's Bobby." "What should I say?" "Just tell him the truth." "He'll respect you for your honesty." "Hello?" "Oh, hi, Bobby." "Look, I wanna be honest with you." "I think cars are boring and they cause pollution." "But I know that won't matter to you because you" "Hello?" "Bobby?" "He hung up." "Oops." "[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]" " Deej, I'm sorry." " That's okay, Becky." "Any guy who hangs up on me is probably not my type." "Boy, Deej, I'm impressed." "You're taking this rejection really well." "Well, I'm better off without him." "But he was so cute." "[CHUCKLES]" "Hi, Freddy." "Don't be afraid." "I'm just going to get a cookie." "I'm not going to give you a bath." "You all have your partners and I've showed you what to do." "So let's couple off and form a square." "I hate to get technical, but we formed a triangle." "Well, it'll be much more square when my parents are here." "You ain't kidding." " What?" " Oh, I said I'll do your bidding." "That's all I ask." "Okay." "Now, everybody just listen to the music and I'll call out the instructions." "[SQUARE DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]" "[DANNY CHUCKLES]" "Bow to your partner." "Bow to your corner." "Now, everybody, do-si-do." "All right." "You're looking great, everybody." "[SINGING] And swing your partner" "Round and round" "Lift that girl Right off the ground" "ALL:" "Whoo-hoo!" "Now, if that woman starts to roam Just promenade that lady home" "Take it, Danny!" "Now right, left grand once And then once more" "[RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]" "Just don't leave scuff marks On my floor" "Now all join hands and circle right" "Merry Christmas to all And to all a good night" " I'm out of here." " No." "Come on, back in line here." "Take it, Joey!" "Put your left foot in Put your left foot out" "Do the hokey-pokey And you shake it all about" "[ALL CHUCKLE]" "Do the monkey And the mash potato" "Get on the floor, do the alligator" "[ALL CHEERING]" "[ALL LAUGHING]" "Jesse Katsopolis, what is that on your face?" "[CHATTERING]" " What?" " That's a smile." " It isn't." " It is." "You were enjoying yourself." " No, I wasn't." " Yes, you were." "All right, I was." "You know, this will be fun at our wedding." "You know, I can't wait until next week, until we're finally husband and wife." "Have mercy." "Something's happening to the fishy!" " What's going on?" " I don't know, but it's not my fault." "MICHELLE:" "Hurry up!" "MICHELLE:" "I said move it, misters!" " What's the matter?" " What is it?" "Ew." "Little, teeny, tiny thingies are swimming in there." " All I did is look." " Well, these are baby fish." "Look how cute they are." "Huh." "Looks like, uh, Freddy's a Frieda, huh?" "Michelle, it's a good thing you were watching the tank." "You saw the babies and did the right thing by telling us." " I did?" " You sure did." "Now we can put the mommy fish in a special nursery tank so the babies can grow up strong and healthy." "I did a good job." "[ALL CHUCKLE]" "Come on, Frieda, get in here." "There must be 25 babies in there." "Can I keep the babies in my room?" "Yes, honey." "I think they'd be very happy there." "You really came through for those fish." "Yeah, good job, munchkin." "You're a hero, Michelle." "[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]" "Thank you, thank you, thank you." "[ALL LAUGHING]" "Can you believe how little those babies are?" "Daddy, where do babies come from?" "Why don't we go back to square dancing and I'll tell you about this later, honey." " Yeah." " Square dancing is good." "[CHATTERING]" "Promenading is a good idea." "Hey, get back here." "Where do babies come from?" "I know you know." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH SDH]"