"Daughter, we received a present from the new Centurion." "'My beloved neighbours," "I offer you my most precious painting called 'Fruit Basket'." "Receive it as a proof of what I can do with my own hands." "Your new and loving neighbour," "Petronius'." "This is a fruit basket?" "No Domine." "Just heads of fruit sellers inside a fruit basket." "Something red is dripping." " Shall I double the size of the guard?" " Call the judge." "Third Chronicle." "About haggling and love." "Inflatius, when you write in my chronicles that:" "'face to the Emperor, Petronius is the most faithful dog, between all the patrician dogs that wag their tails, smell their arses and slobber for a cookie from Caligula', what do you insinuate?" "I make it clear that you'll never dare conspire against Cesar, because you're his most loyal vassal." "But it's a little negative." "Absolutely not!" "If we want to send a message to future generations, we should use a redundant language." "Keep in mind that a lot of words will get lost on the way." "Like the echo?" "Exactly, like the echo." "People will remember that you loved this man." "And what will they remember from the echo?" "The o?" " Great joke!" " Change it or get ready to die." " Salute, Centurion." " Salute, dammed pest." "I come with news." "Really?" "I see none!" "His Excellency woke up today very witty." "Witty and wittier!" "My Centurion, Patricia and her father invite you to dinner." "I told you!" "Thanks to the painting she surrenders to me." "Very smart." "But did you think that maybe they want to eliminate you?" "Me?" "Don't be jealous." "My Centurion, the other news is that soldier Quintus was kidnaped." "We found his helmet and javelin near the forest." "Do you think there will be an orgy after dinner?" "Patricia didn't seem to be informed of Rome's trends." "Whatever." "Prepare my gala robe." " You only have this robe left." " Only one?" "What an awful life." "Why wouldn't you wear an armour?" "One with abs, like Caius's one." "You can't eat with those." "Oil spurs around and leaves stains..." "Centurion!" "The soldiers asked what we'll do about Quintus's kidnapping." "Still here?" "Take a hike!" "Don't you see we're talking serious here?" "Yes!" "Sorry Sir." "Where are you going?" " What did the tyrant say?" " We're attacking?" " And reinforcements?" " Answer, answer!" "In this very moment he's analysing the situation with his advisor." "Right now, I can only share with you his profound concern." "Thank you." "Come here!" "You better not be lying, asslicker." "No!" "I swear, my Decurion." "If we don't do anything, we'll be the next ones disappearing." "Calm down!" "We don't know yet if it was a kidnapping." "Really?" "Machoreti, show them what you found." "Where are you going?" "Congrats!" "A really hard stone." "That's your proof?" " The proof is in the stone." " The stone!" "Drawings on the stone!" "Lovely!" "Let's send them to your mum." "I didn't paint them!" " But someone did!" " Yes but not me." " I think you did" " No!" "Lucius, stop teasing him." " You did it!" " No!" "Machoreti!" "He's just teasing you!" "Use your head!" "That also works." "Maybe we should all calm down." "I'm fed up of being calm." "Show him the stone." "What do you see?" " Same as you, my Decurion!" " Not enough." "What do you see?" " Three squares and two zeros." " These are no squares!" "A plot against us!" " God damn it!" " Yes, God!" "I see God!" "Those are barrels!" "Barrels and jars!" "Jars and barrels!" " I'll get them." "How much do you want?" " Idiots!" "Quintus was hit with this stone... and the drawings explain the reward!" "Don't you understand?" "Yes, I'll get them." "You'll get nothing, because we'll give them nothing." "So then why are you telling me the stone's story?" "Because I want you to know what they asked for Quintus." "Kissanus." "Stop playing and find me some armour." "Yes, sir!" "I told you, the Centurion has a plan." "Legionaries, fall-in." "Finally, we'll get into battle." "Soldier Caius, which size of armour do you use?" "Barbara." "'Ja', love?" "There's something I don't understand." "If you fell in love with me, why didn't you just tell me instead of hitting me?" "It's the tradition of my clan, we hit the one we want to marry." "But why don't you say this with flowers?" "You are so funny, my love." "We don't play with food." "But don't worry, we just hit once." "Stop flirting and just get the Roman drunk!" "Do it yourself then!" "What's wrong with your brother?" "He plays to squares, a German game." "You should draw squares and circles." " Do you want to play?" " No, no." "I prefer to look at you." "Oh!" "So cute." "Drink more." "I'm ready." "What?" "Take this." "Oh!" "Leave me alone!" "Is he ready?" "Petronius will do the quest of Quintus... with Inflatius only." "Inflatius?" " Hope there will be no garlic, I hate it." " I know." "Ave Centurion!" "Who ordered to fall-in?" "Me, sir." "We'll go with you, sir." "Legionaries?" "Yes!" "Eh?" "For sure." "Such a mob!" "They want to eat the leftovers." "Indecent." "Centurion," "I already told them that our duty is to stay here and survey." "Sure Kissanus, but shut up." "I'm ashamed of you!" "I'm your leader for the good and the bad times." "So I'll accomplish my mission, a mission that I really love to do, and you'll stay here." "Capisci?" "Funny?" "Sir, I was wrong." "You are the greatest commander ever!" "An ovation for our Centurion!" "Ave Centurion!" "Ave Centurion." "Forgive me for how I behaved before." "You never offend me, sir..." "You teach me." "Why are they going to the village?" "Shouldn't they go to the mountains?" "Inflatius, what was that?" "I thought they were making fun of you." "But they're so stupid." "Maybe they really love you." "Stop thinking and write how popular I am, but don't mention the dinner." "I have a bad feeling about this dinner." "Why isn't he drunk?" "I'll explain you:" "you are mixing up 'soak the Roman' with 'the Roman soaks'." "No!" "I just follow your mother's receipt." "I'm sure he's distasteful." " Barbara." " 'Was'?" "Now that we are in love, can you untie me?" "Maybe." "We can meet again tomorrow." "'Nein'." "This is a date." "I must go back to work, otherwise I could get fired." "Let's all drink together." "We can bring tomato soup." "To your cannibal clan dinner?" "You know my clan prefers meat." "Then smile, savage." "Welcome, Centurion Petronius." "Well-met Patricia, today you look prettier than the last time." "Very kind." "Let me introduce you to my father, Titus." " Ave, Centurion." " Aves?" "So we'll dinner chicken?" "I see you have a very fine sense of humour." "Yes, in Rome everybody laughs when they see me." "Then I'm sure we'll also have fun tonight." "Please." "Follow me." "I have infusions for you." "Infusions?" "I'm not thirsty." "They are out of this world." "Petronius!" "I'm not thirsty!" "Have fun." "Did you like my painting?" "The 'Fruit Basket'?" "Wasn't it a menace?" "A menace?" "No!" "That's a misunderstanding." "Excuse me, but I'm not used to seeing a fruit basket... full of bleeding human heads." "Yes!" "I like my paintings to be different from other artists." "In fact, the heads are other artists' heads." "I hope we get along well, my friend." "I admire your cousin." "Yes?" "Which one?" "Let me think." "The one who rules the Empire..." "The Emperor." "Yes, everybody likes him now." "Please." "A triclinium!" "I miss them so much." "How many slaves are ready for this evening of love, grandpa?" "Centurion, we prefer to eat with our guests." "Gentleman, let me introduce you to Petronius Lerele." "Those are Celerium, Velerianus and Verginius" " They make you laugh?" " Celerium, Valerianus and Verginius?" "Sounds like a salad." "A Cesar Salad." "Verginius is the province judge," "Valerianus the Imperial Prosecutor and Celerium the President of Committee Persecutor of Forbidden Religions." "It's going to be a great night." "They want to meet you." " And the slaves don't want to meet me too?" " Don't worry about that." "Sit down with our guests." "I'm leaving." "What, Roman?" "I'm leaving." "Where do you go?" "I don't like your relationship with your brother." "But why aren't you drunk?" "Because I can only stand alcoholic drinks." "Your excellences, do you know Petronius likes to decorate the bridge with crosses?" " Really?" " Do you like crosses?" "Only crosses dressed up with vegetables, Mr Celerium." "Then you admit it!" "Incredible!" "Let's pretend a little." "Gentleman, don't turn this diner into a trial." "Let's change the matter." "Tell us about your management?" "Tell us why, since your arrival, local incomes have fallen 50 per cent." "70 per cent!" "That's right!" "Explain why merchants prefer to border our city." "We want an explanation." "Rather a clarification, because we're losing a lot of money." " Let's see..." " Do your best!" "Don't forget that judge Valerianus can imprison you immediately." "Let's see." "I have increased the toll and I take half the income for myself." "So the number of merchants is the same, but they are so broke, that instead of lodging in your village they sleep on the road." " So he admits it!" " What a crook!" "But we remind them that there are cheaper roads." "Why do you do that?" "I try to reach the right balance between... working very little and getting very, very rich." "I told you." "By the way, Celerium... your mother is tasteless today!" "Unacceptable." "You are a cancer for this province." "With the permission of the governor..." " and the judge." " Of course you have." "I suggest you to start now a trial against this crook!" "Good idea." "I'll not obstruct the course of justice." "Patricia, let's go." "Good luck my friend." "What a shitty party!" "By chance I have everything ready for a trial." "The accused is asked to stand up." "The Christian accused, your Excellency." "That's right." "We accuse you of three serious charges." "Father." "Daughter." "I think this trap is going too far." "This is how civilized people solve problems." "Such an unpleasant dinner." "And I'm still hungry." "Inflatius!" "Well done, they'll clean it!" "This witch tried to poison me!" "Next time I'll be less polite." "Can you see?" "She's a psycho." "Do something!" "You can kill my slaves, but I have more." " Happy?" " I guess." "You just crossed a dangerous red line!" "Which line?" "I'll tell Cesar about your crime." "Will you do this for me, puppy?" "Let's go Inflatius!" " Ave Centurion!" " Look!" "The kidnapped soldier." "Silence!" "Inflatius, Patricia intrigues me." "Why does she hide her love from me?" "Family pressure, intellectual arcade, moral repulsion." "Shame of you!" "I'll explain you." "She's waiting for the right moment... she's waiting for me to become the Emperor." "End of the budget." "The popular and acclaimed Petronius will apply for the direction of the Empire." "Due to legal constraints, we recognize his value and transfer all our financial resources to his campaign." "Petronius thanks you for the massive support and promises that he will not forget his friends once he gets to power." "Thank you for sharing De Pontis" "Inflatius, the chronicles are over." "Now starts my legend." "I'll call it 'A bridge to Rome' and will count 8.000 chapters." "Glorious!" "I want it to be compulsory reading and I want everybody to remember me." "I'm already remembering you." "Here starts the legend of De Pontis." " Centurion, can I appear in it?" " No!" " Please, I want to appear, Centurion." " No!" " Please, I want to appear." " No!" "Translation by Anne-Sophie Michel and Conor Griffin."