"the flower of your tender years fallen" "Vasco Pratolini's FAMILY DIARY - 1945" " Open the line for "L'Humanité"" " A moment, please." "Tomorrow the newspaper will have to do without your article." "Yes, salami." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Florence?" "Florence speaking?" "Florence for you." "Hello." "Hello, hello!" "Hello, it's you?" "I'm Mugnai, I'm with the operator on duty." "Yes, tell me." "There's a note for you." "We couldn't get the line earlier." "They block the lines from midnight to 3:00." "We are still under surveillance." "Yes, read it." "Look, I did what I could." "Tell me!" "Your brother is dead." "Yesterday, in the morning." "Be strong." "The doctors said he carried his illness for too long." "Can you hear me?" "I'll read you the note." "He was calm." "He remembered you." "Tell me if you'll come to the funeral if you can find transportation." "Hello?" "When mother died, you were 25 days old." "You were already far from her." "Our father was still in the hospital, recovering from his wounds of the war." "We'd come to see you, grandma and I." "We'd climb costa dei Magnoli, costa Scarpuccia..." "It was September." "The beginning of the autumn of 1918." "I was 8 years old, and I couldn't love you..." "Everybody said our mother was dead because of you." "One day, the peasants who were nursing you, took you to the baron's manor." "He was a British gentleman, a "Sir"." "He took pity on you said you needed to be helped, and so. his butler took you under his protection." "His name was Salocchi and, for you, he'd become "Daddy"." "So you entered the Villa Rossa." "And so, day by day, all around you, was built a prison of affections, of habits, of complexes within which you found yourself doomed." "Here, take the lunch." "Cute, cute, beautiful baby..." "Dino, Dino, little Dino..." "Lorenzo, madam, Lorenzo." "Excuse me." "That had been his uncle's name, his godfather's." "Yes, I understand, madam." "But Dino is a vulgar name." "Now his name is..." "Lorenzo." "Understood?" " What's that?" " Orange marmelade." "What's up?" "What's up?" "Another thing, madame, excuse me." "Come here." "I'd like to make clear an arrangement." "Come in." " Maria." " Yes sir." "You see, my dear lady, very soon the child will understand..." "Now, of course, I won't prevent you to see him, I would never do that." "But since the kid must get used to us, as his real family, it will be better to avoid, if possible, talking about his father." "And I'm sorry specially don't talk at all about the mother." "Understood?" "But, why?" "I don't understand it." "What did your daughter die of?" "Of meningitis, true?" "Yes but meningitis was just an aftermath, a complication on the last 3 days after the operation and the Spanish flu." "Exactly." "The Spanish flu, precisely." "Anyway can I count on your discretion?" "I mean, it's better the kid doesn't know about this as you said, this complication of the last three days." "It's understood?" "I don't know." "I don't think so." "If I had imagined..." "My husband is becoming too attached to the child." "I don't like that:" "he's not our son." "He's father has recovered." "Why doesn't he take him back?" "It's your husband who doesn't want to give back the child." "There's no reason to take him out by force." "He doesn't treat him bad..." "Bad... he'll make him feel bad, that's for sure." "He wants to looks after his future..." "Of course... the kid's been lucky that his mother's dead." "You mustn't say such a thing." "As we brought up this kid, we would have known to bring up the other also." "Good afternoon, madam." "But mother had died because of the complications after giving birth thus, because of your fault." "But I no longer hated you for that." "To me, you were dead with her." "The visits to Villa Rosa always getting shorter, colder, falser." "They went on all your childhood, ...that you lived like imprisoned in an aquarium without secrets nor discoveries, and without friends." "Until our diverse destinies separated us." "It was 1935," "January or February." "16!" "17!" "Roberto, smash him!" "Excuse me." "Change." "How 19?" "The ball hit inside the table!" "The point is mine!" "Are you stupid?" "It was out by at least two feet!" " Are you joking?" "It was in!" " Come on, it was out, you saw it." "You just play!" "Let's go." "I have 19." " Ready?" " Yes." "21 this game." "Lorenzo, 5 from me but the other five..." " Ok, ok." " I'll pay you tomorrow." " No, right now, because you've got it." "Then I want the rematch." "Give me 8 points ahead and we'll play 20 lira." "8 points?" "Are you insane?" "Ok, 6 points then." "Ok, 6 points." "Come on, take the ball." "Come on!" "Take the ball." "Excuse me, I must go home." "Good bye." "Are you leaving?" " Lorenzo!" " He's crazy!" "You won't give me the rematch?" "See you tomorrow." "Lorenzo, come on, let's play more." "I must go, my brother is waiting for me." "Brother?" "Come on!" "What's he saying!" "He's over there!" "Are you convinced?" "Excuse us are you Corsi's brother?" "Me?" "No." "That evening," "I managed to avoid you by hiding from you." "We hadn't see each other for almost four years." "Too many questions would have been necessary..." "Too many explanations." "That way, two more months passed." "In the winter." "You'll be happy now that we've cut off the electricity." "Mr. Enrico." "Mr. Enrico!" "I never know when the tenants leave or when they get back." "If you want to leave your name." "Tell him his brother came." "So, you're his brother?" "Yes, it's ok, thanks madam." "Good night." "Come in." "See how your brother lives?" "I'd like to clean up the room a bit." "But he doesn't want anything to be touched." "Maybe, when getting home, ...he tries not to be seen." "Tomorrow or after tomorrow I hope to..." "Let's make that tomorrow." "I don't offer charity to anyone." "Yes, yes, thank you." "Good night." "I think she's polite." "Why do you treat her like that?" "To what do I owe the honor?" "If you don't mind, could you accomodate me for a few days?" "Here?" "Yes, it's swell with me." "There's no problem." "Thank you." "What happened?" "Nothing." "Father got dogged over something." "Over what?" "If you don't tell me, I'll have to take you home." "We don't live there anymore." "Now we live at Borgo Ognissanti." "In a rented room, like you." "And how is daddy?" "As to his health, he's well." "And your studies?" "How do they go?" "So so." "Was that the reason you quarreled?" "among other thinks." "And what else?" "You spreak French?" "I try to learn, by reading." "And how could you do that, if you don't even have a grammar?" "I manage." "With this." "Why did you avoid me at the ping-pong?" "I have avoided you?" "It wasn't the right place." "You were with your friends." "I was ruining your game and nothing else." "Anyway, I'm sorry." "It's nothing." "Over what else did you quarrel?" "A girl." "My...!" "Don't worry, you know?" "It happens often." "There was a morsel of a candle, but..." "She's the daughter of the landlady." "But there's nothing between us, we're just joking." "This morning daddy surprised us on the corridor." "He locked me up... in our room, and ran after her with a broom." "Why you laugh?" "Just because I can picture the scene." "Ok, but I wanted to die of shame." "Daddy was going to quarrel with her and with her parents." "I could take you home talk with your father." "No." "I left him a note saying I was coming here." "So, you've decided." "At least for this night, yes." "Okay." "Could you give me back the dictionary?" "I'm sorry." "Take it." "Then, let's go out to buy this candle." "We'll have to think..." "of having something to eat I guess." "If you don't mind I'd like to invite you." "Yes anyway, I don't have the money for two." "Let's go." " But, how did you find my address?" " At the registry." "Of course." "It's very good." "Daddy wouldn't allow me to eat this." "And our father..." "Have you ever seen him?" "No." "The last time was a couple years ago, and I don't think he wanted to see me." "I wouldn't be so sure." "After the Baron's death, what have you done?" "We left the Villa Rosa almost immediately." "He was always quarreling with the heirs." "Remember Madam Salocchi?" "How come you don't call her "mother"." "I never could." "Go on." "So we remained alone, just him and I." "After having left the Villa Rossa, he didn't knew what to do: we went to Cannes, to Montecarlo, to San Remo," "In short all the places he used to go with the Baron." "And..." "Ladida?" "She left as well." "That's it!" "That way, if you want to sleep..." "And you?" "Not, I still have something to do." "Then you'll see, on the side, we can both sleep very well." " you want the chair?" " No, no. stay." " You can take it." " Don't worry." "Could you pass me my bag." "Where is the bathroom?" "We don't have one." "It's in the kitchen, but everybody is sleeping now." "If you want the lavatory, it's next to the kitchen." "No, it's ok." "Why you put grandma into a hospice?" "Won't you sleep?" "It's a shameful thing." "What does is mean: shameful?" "The people are talking about you." "Who are the people?" "Why do you answer by questions?" "Look:" "Mr. Salocchi finds you with a girl you run away and come here, after we haven't see each other for a lifetime." "Well, the "people" are all those you didn't look up to because you knew they wouldn't understand." "The two of us can talk about it." "But not the "people"." "I'm sleepy." "And you talk hard." "Grandma couldn't work anymore, she's over 70, you know it." "I made 12 liras a day, at the printing press." "A salary, a wage..." "Yet there wasn't enough to eat for the both of us." "But how one could chose the hospice?" "The hospice exists, right?" "It's made for the poor." "And the poor end up there, sooner or later." "Would you give me a cigarette" "It's the last one." "Wasn't it because you had little desire to work?" "I don't know, maybe." "What you think?" "Is it true that you want to become a writer?" "A journalist." "You'll succeed?" "Maybe." "Daddy says you're lazy." "Really!" "Says we are both of the same kind." "Of course." "Of a kind he doesn't know about." "Why?" "Because he's a servant." "Why is grandma always crying when one meets her?" "You went to meet her?" "Even today." "To ask her your address." "She told me you lived in Rome." "But I saw you at Guelfa St. and I got it:" "...you had abandoned her." "I don't want her to see me in these conditions." "Why don't you work, then?" "Because this is my work." "I won't take life as it comes." "Our father's life, our grandfather's life." "I haven't had your chances." "congratulations!" "When did see grandma?" "for the first time?" "Two months ago." "After we met at the ping-pong." "I felt bad for having acted like that." "As I understood you were escaping me I thought I'd do good by going to find her." "This is our mother." "Grandma's photo is clearer." "She was still a girl then." "How do you imagine her?" "I don't." "I really don't." "Granma talks to me about her." "Let's blow it out." " Won't you undress?" " It's cold." "I sleep in my clothes." "How was she?" "She was really beautiful." "What else?" "Her eyes looked green." "They fixed you seriously..." "Like you do, when you play ping-pong." "Really?" "How am I when I play ping-pong?" "Aloof." "Shut up in your mind." "Outside the world." "But were her eyes green, or just looked that way?" "I don't know." "What did she do?" "she lived." "And then she died." "Why can't you tell me something more detailed?" "How can I love her if nobody can tell me anything?" "She really liked oranges." "The marmelade too?" "Yes, I think so." "What else?" "She loved to dress in dark colors." "Loved comedies." "She couldn't bear crowds." "She was a good dressmaker." "She was first seamstress in a workshop in the Via del Corso" "Listen:" "the vans that take the first newspapers to the trains with their ink still fresh." ""Street of the unhappy"" "Casati!" "Let's go there." "Your hands are so cold." "You know, I was in the courtyard for over an hour." "You shouldn't, really." "Specially on winter." "But on the contrary, I must go out." "Otherwise you can't hear when they call you." "But you didn't know I was coming today." "I knew." "Today I was sure." "How are you?" "Like a captive." "But I'm getting used to it, you know?" "A bit melancoly, now and then, but now that you're here..." " You're coughing..." " No, I'm okay." "Have you seen Lorenzo?" "Yes." "He's coming too." " Have you seen how handsome he is?" " Yes." "Mr. Salocchi is preparing him to become an employee." "So one day he'll have a good job." "While you..." "I'm fine like this." "I too have a job." "A journalist." "Someone who goes out by telling facts about others." "Good day mother." "Good day, signora Casati." "don't get up." "Good day." "She's sister Clementina, our police officer." "She's a good person, though." "She's allowed me to keep the jar in the nights." "No!" "Indeed!" " How are you treated here?" " Good." "Really." "A bit of work..." " What work?" " Well, a bit of needlework, but it's ok, you know?" "The days are long, endless." "But I'm lucky." "I have you." "Or Lorenzo." "Have you noted?" "He combs his hair to the side." "When he comes, I say to him "sit down"..." ""Please, after you, Grandmother"." "there he is." "How are you, grandmother?" "You could call her granny." "Don't bother him, he's not used to it." "Sit down." "How like brothers you are." "If you just look closely at your eyes." "You're alike." "Even if yours are..." "well, a bit tired." " You eat well?" " Like a lion." "I don't think so." "On the contrary, you've been always lean." "Have you turned 18?" "Yes, 18." "Grandma!" "What is it?" "Eh?" "It's your mother that has sent you so that I could have you both together, today!" "Look, grandma, I'll be back soon, you'll see." "I don't know when, but..." "I have already asked for a transfer." "We'll take a small apartment..." "No." "brighter than the old one." "You'll see." "I already did my part in this comedy" "No, no." "Visit time is over, visit time is over." "I must go." "Grandma, at Easter we'll be together." "We'll have diner." "Yes, but..." "Will Mr. Salocchi agree?" "Of course he will, if you want to." "Don't be so formal with me, it makes me feel like a stranger." "I'm sorry." "Have a good day." "So we meet again." "The good alano (mastiff?" ")." "Come in." "Get confortable." "Come in." "Excuse me, dear...." "Sit down." "You want a grappa?" "A cognac?" "No, thanks." "I should offer you one, but we don't have any." "We don't drink." "And we seldom receive guests." "So tell me something about yourself." "What are you up to?" "I work." "A bit of research at the library." "I study." "That's it." "Nothing very specific, I'd say." "No." "Weren't you at a printing press?" "I dropped that long ago." "You had also a stall selling soft drinks, I think." "Yes, for a summer." "A funny job. temporary." "You like that. temporary." "I'm here because you invited me, to talk about Lorenzo." "Would you like a cigarette?" "I can offer you a cigarette." "Thanks." "I have mine." "Have you noticed how badly we are put up?" "Eh?" "Not bad, I would say." "For you, maybe." "But Lorenzo was used to much more." "And should feel a bit humiliated." "While you're not exactly a saint.... ...besides, that doesn't concern me, ...you should know what's happening." "I'm here." "You know and all your family knows, how I took him in and brought him up." "And I'm not even going to delve into the indifference your family has shown toward Lorenzo or my sacrifices which were many, many!" "Often beyond my capacities." "I don't intend to reproach anyone, if I went back in time I'd do everything all over again." "But now I can't do anything." "I'm old." "And I'm living off my last savings." "Lorenzo!" "Yes, I'm listening." "Please, come here." "What I'm talking of concerns you." "I take the bread out of my mouth to send him to school, ...and what do I get?" "He's chasing the first slut he sets eyes on." "At night, if I want to find him, I know where:" "At the pool or the ping-pong." "With the kind of people you can imagine:" "Vulgar, loud people." "But now I've decided, and I'm telling you both:" "Either Lorenzo decides to study, or I'll send him back to his father." "He'll make him work!" "That way he'll learn what it's like!" "He'll be on strike, he'll play the bum, whatever he wants, like you." "As this small desire to work seems to be a family trait, from what I see." "Precisely." "But don't judge him by me." "By this time you should have had a good job rather than selling snow cones in the summer." "Yes, I know." "But don't judge him by me." "Never." "Look at him." "Look, look at him." "I talk and talk and he's not even listening." "And he's right, he already knows I'll never do that." "Sending him to his father, can you imagine?" "Or to me." "Lorenzo can come to my home anytime." "Even right now." "Have a good day." "Now, grandma, you want more cake?" "No, thank God, we ate like princes." " What time is it?" " 2:40." " A bit of wine?" " No, no!" "When we get back the sister stops one after the other, questions us all supposedly to know how we passed the holiday, but in fact to smell our breath, to know if we had wine." "If so, what can she do?" "Take away your night jar?" "Excuse me, grandmother." "Why, what are you thinking?" "When I know I have it under the bed, I don't use it." "But if I don't I can get up 3 or 4 times, and you have to go to the end of the corridor, where is freezing." " What time it is?" " But, grandmother, I just told you." "It's 2:43." "Ah, okay." "At four o'clock we should get ready to get back." "But before, I have to put on my uniform." "If one of us gets back late, we don't get permission to go out for three consecutive weeks!" "We are like soldiers." "At least you don't make war." "Oh, by the way, there seems to be a secret enlisting for soldiers to go to Africa, because there will be a war!" "The son of one I know has already signed, and his fiancée came crying, asking his mother to convince him to have his name erased." " Grandmother!" " Yes?" "Look, what's written there on the wall." "What?" "Can't you see from here?" "Granma doesn't know how to read." "It says:" ""This is the war we prefer"" "That is?" "It means we prefer to work the land." "But of course." "What need was there to write it on the wall?" "You belong to the "Balillas"?" "No, no grandmother." "I'm with the avantgardists." "Those with the white cords." " Have you ever seen them?" " Yes, I have." "Your poor grandfather would have had a stroke if he had seen you dressed like that." "He didn't liked that." "But he wouldn't hurt a fly." "He'd prefer to do a long detour rather than take off his hat at the parades." "He wouldn't get back home, I was worried, didn't know where he was," "You remember?" " And you?" " No." "Nothing." "Nothing at all." "Yet, from time to time he would visit you at the Villa Rossa." "But you were so little." "He died in 1925." "May the 1st." "Just before he died, he said:" ""If I die on the 1st of May and if there's paradise, I'm sure I'm going to it"." "Why?" "What's May the 1st got to do with it?" "At the time, the 1st of May was a holiday." "It was also the day we got married." "What time it is?" "We've got time." "It's 3:10." "Wait, there's still a few minutes left." "This is the hardest moment..." "I know." "And it's also my fault." "No, I exaggerate." "Once I've crossed the gate..." "Don't ever leave him." "He's your brother." "You're all he's got." "Yes." "We'll have more days like this..." "Don't, what are you doing...?" "Today you've spent a lot of money, and if you have to face the trip..." " No, grandma...!" " Yes, don't worry, I don't need it..." "I still have the 50 lira you gave me for Christmas." "Keep them, don't..." "Yes!" "Yes!" "If you don't take it..." "I'll be worried..." "I don't need it, grandma..." "Then show me what's in your pockets." "If you've got enough, I'll not insist." "We'd better say goodbye." "I always think it could be the last time." "Two years at the sanatorium were required, between the mountains and a lake." "During that time you wrote often and your letters were like you, who wrote them:" "shy, bashful, afraid of elaborate..." "Your protector had fallen another step toward absolute poverty, ...and you had had to suspend your studies." "You began a self discovery among adversity in a hostile world, ...in which you had to fit by force and for which your customs, your manners even your own thoughts, ...were unsuited or directly negative." "When I came back, I didn't look after you immediately;" "For me too, the hard struggle to survive had begun while all over Europe the clouds of war were gathering." "News from Spain:" "The headquarters of the Falange, announces:" "Yesterday, nov. 6, the last stronghold of the resistance, ...at the north of Madrid, has fallen." "The Italian troups of General Gambara making the junction with the army of General Morales, ...entered into Tordesillas." "After two days of harsh fighting, ...the national flag waves on almost all the metropolitan territory." "The armed militias are on their way out." "The first communist army, commanded by general Lister, ...has been decimated during the last battle." "General Franco is preparing to launch the decisive attack at the Bolshevik bastion:" "...the university of the city of Madrid." "Hello!" "Hello." "But... when did you come back?" " Excuse me, I'd like to present you..." " Nice to meet you." "Sandrina, come here." " Miss Zatti, my brother." " Nice to meet you." " Good evening." " My friend." "Nice to meet you." "Can I offer you something to drink?" "No thanks, we are going to the movies." "Why you didn't tell me?" "Any news?" "You, rather." "And so, you're Sandrina?" "Lorenzo has often written to me about you." "Where are you living?" "For now I'm sleeping at his studio." " If you'd let me know, I'd..." " No, no." "It's just for a few days." "I hope to go to Rome." " You go to Rome?" " Yes." "When?" "Well, not immediately." "We'll talk tomorrow about it." "If doesn't bother you, we could sit down somewhere." "No, you were going to the movies." "Go, go." "Otherwise, what kind of a Sunday would it be?" "Right, Sandrina?" "Your coming back is more important." "Come on." "Go to the movies and have fun." "In the morning call me at his studio, you'll find the number in the directory." "At what time?" " Well, not too early,.." " At ten?" " At ten!" " Okay." "And you, how is your work going?" "I was on trial, I'd like to talk you about it." "Yes, yes." "Of course." "See you, then?" " Goodbye." " Goodbye." "Goodbye." "See you tomorrow." "That way, I knew you were in love." "She was a 16 year old girl, open and natural, ...and with her you lived your happiest days, ...and the last ones." "You were unemployed, ...and the experience of everyday contact with a hostile world and the daily renunciations to which the poor are obliged had already tried you." "The need for work made you knock a hundred doors." "For a white collar job, they would ask for references you couldn't provide." "For a blue collar job, ...someone else would be preferred because he had a bicycle." "You did the tests for a temporary job, at the census." "In a month you made 30 liras." "Hello." "How come you're here?" "I came to see you." "I have no time right now, Lorenzo." "Okay." "Let's go." "Then..." "You lost your job again, isn't?" "And to get out of this situation, what does daddy recommend to you?" " What have you got against him?" " I've nothing against anybody." "I want to know, to understand." "They were right by firing me." "The reason?" "Poor performance." "I have no experience." "I can't type." "I can't write a bussiness letter." "Moreover leaving high school didn't help, either." "Okay, but.... ...leaving that aside:" "What do you aspire to?" "What do you want?" "They should..." "They should... should what?" "Call you because you dress fancy, because you're good looking?" "But this coat's been turned over 3 years ago!" "Come on, that's not what I mean." "Lorenzo, the Villa Rossa is no more." "Dou you think you'll always find the supper's ready?" "Look at me!" "They gave me up for dead, and I'm here, more alive than before!" "Because I want to be alive!" "but my case is not a question of health." "Do you want me to be frank?" "Sometimes you seem hypocritical to me, you know?" "Specially with yourself." "I'd want to learn, but I don't have the time." "What you want me to say?" "I don't know, I don't know!" "Certainly you need to wake up." "You are 20 years old now." "I mean, you must pull it on by yourself!" "Move on Lorenzo, do something, anything!" "You come to me, but what for?" "How can I help you?" "You can see I had to start all over." "It's not easy, you know?" "Not even for me." "That winter, grandma died." "Her last words were:" ""Now the children will be alone." "What will I do?"" "In a flash of lucidity she recognized us." "She put our hands together inside hers." "Then entrusted herself to death as a coveted rest." "Count them." "Please, sign here." "You too, please." "When in Rome, you'll write me?" "Yes, yes." " I mean, to remain in contact." " Of course, to keep a bond." "It was a wish of Grandmother, too" "Lorenzo, don't be so literal." "I couldn't tell grandma you're not the kid anymore." "But I can tell you: you're not a kid anymore." "And you're not lonelier than i am." "It was just out of respect for Grandmother's wishes." " After all, the last years I think..." " Yes, yes, say it:" "she didn't have a lot of happiness." "And it was my fault, wasn't it?" "Let's change the subject." "Why?" "Are there perhaps other subjects on which we can converse?" "After all, we're brothers." "Yes, of course, we are brothers, we are brothers!" "Lorenzo, I think I love you." "But I don't give a damn about the fact that you're my brother" "You got it?" "You're born brothers by chance." "What's important is to like the same things, to have the same ideas, to be friends!" "You've got your friends, those at school, at the pool..." "I don't see them anymore." "I don't belong anymore to their world." "I feel ashamed when I meet them." "And everyone must know his place." "What's your place?" "You will never find your place!" "Look at me:" "If I take this cart and I turn it over, it's because I want to!" "I want to, and I do it!" "I don't ask myself if it can be or can't be done!" "I do it and that's all!" "But what are you putting back, what are you putting back, now!" "Don't you understand, that I don't care about a brother stranded like you?" "I don't want to remember each time that I have a well-mannered brother!" "Will you understand?" "You found a new job." "Office boy at a national entity." "And infinite recommendations were needed for them to hire you." "You lived like in a moral prison from which you were trying to evade by scraping day after day the wall of conventions and inhibitions the past had erected in front of you." "I know today you were defenseless destined to a sterile sacrifice, in a world in which even the lamb is forced to protect its innocence with ferocy." "You fell in love with another girl, and you married her." "The real love of the poor." "To love and to take courage, and to protect themselves..." "It's blood joined to your blood." "Silence." "But the love of the poor is the most fragile." "Either the mosaic of souls matches perfectly or either everything shatters and love becomes despondency and despair." "A poor man can commit every mistake his poverty suggests him but he's not allowed to make a mistake when chosing his helpmate." "And you made that mistake." "Not too long after that, I left Florence for good." "the war years went by." "After Florence's liberation, ...in a letter you told me you were ill of a strange disease, ...undefeatable by any treatment." "As soon as you could, you came to Rome and we spent Christmas together, before you went to the hospital." "Lorenzo!" "I'll leave you here." "Why?" "You won't come in?" "They wouldn't let me in." "And let's not give it so much importance." "I'll wait for you to go in." "And tomorrow we'll meet again." "Okay." "To tomorrow." "Come on!" "Goodbye" "You were a poor patient they could study." "An interesting case." "And the doctors threw themselves at you, like flies at a piece of sugar." "Like a boxer at the last round." "And it was for you the last round." "They went by trial and error." "Trying to break the mysterious disease with their tools of trade." "Specific operations, transfusions." "Using your body as a blank page over which to examine and solve a problem." "A page with so many annotations and deletions looks like a stabbed body." "But this time the body was the body of a man." "The wounds were real wounds, the blood was red blood." "Warm." "You were stronger than me when you came to the hospital and now you were nailed to a bed." "You were pale, already physically weak, but calm and confident." "As the first thing, over your blank page the doctors had written "sulphonamides in large doses"." "And they'd been tried upon you countless times." "Without result." " Visit." " Visit!" "Hello." "Hello." "How are you?" "Bad." "Why?" "They gave me an injection yesterday, it still hurts." "Listen." "You're feverish." "I don't know, I don't feel well." " I'll call the doctor." " No, no..." "No, it's not worth it." "I assure you." "Sit down." "I'm hurting you?" "No." " Now, it hurts?" " No, clasp me, clasp!" " And now?" " Not, go on, don't be afraid." "Don't you understand that I have no strenght, it's the end." "I don't want to die!" "I don't want to die!" "I don't want to, understand?" "No, you hurt me, really!" "I said like that..., for flattery." " Why are you lying?" " Look:" "Now you're happy?" "Forgive me." "Give me a kiss." "I've got nobody but you." "You know," "Remain close to me." "You won't ever leave me?" "Give me another kiss." "Everybody's got someone, relatives or friends that maybe come for convenience." "But if you knew how comforting that is." "I live day and night waiting for this." "You know," "This night I thought of mother." "I understood how much I missed her." "I understood why I always felt so lonely." "Instead, you knew her." "She had black hair, right?" "She ressembled me?" "Yes." "I say." "Talk me about her." "Grandma said she was a bit nervous." "Poor mother..." "Maybe because of the sickness..." "Which sickness?" "Epilepsy." "This is the first time I hear such a thing." "What's wrong with it?" "Why do you want to hide it!" "Nothing wrong with it." "It just isn't true." "Grandmother too told me so!" "Grandma couldn't tell you something like that." "She did!" "You said to grandma "epilepsy"?" "Then she didn't understand you." "If you had used the word "convulsions", ...then she would have said no." "Enrico." "Yes?" "Is it true that mother died crazy?" "No!" "No, it's not true!" "You've carried this idea since you were young, but it's not true!" "She never, never had been crazy?" "They've put that idea in your head, I don't know why." "No, nobody said that clearly but a word here and there until I figured it out." "Now you understand why I want to know how she was?" "The idea I have of her is that of a crazy woman!" "This night I didn't do anything but ask her to forgive me, all night long." "Do not torture yourself." "Tell me." "What?" "You're a writer, aren't you?" "Describe her to me, tell me something to imagine her alive." "I remember so little of her but mother had died the night before and that afternoon, when grandma and me stayed with her," "...around the bed, there were so many wreaths it was like seeing her for the first time." "This is the most vivid memory I have of her." "She was dressed in a black tailored suit." "She had a bouquet of flowers that covered half her skirt." "She wore a white embroidered blouse." "Closed at the neck with a clip." "She looked as if she were sleeping, but. with a slumber bothersome." "She was pale, white." "Then a fly landed on her face went away did a turn around her face to land again on her." "Then, I moved through the wreaths, got to... the bedside," "...and waved my hand in front of her face and the fly went away." "You'll chase away the flies from my face too." "You asked me for orange marmelade." "I wasn't able to find it." "I ran across all the city." "Every shop." "Refusal after refusal, from smile to irony," "The storekeepers would shake their heads as if I was asking the moon." "Probably I had never hated the Germans so much as then and felt the horror of war." "Brotherly desperation and selfishness clouded my mind in these hours." "I was a blind man unleashed searching for a jar of orange marmelade with the dash of a street robber with the querulous voice of a beggar." "Uselessly, uselessly." "Lorenzo," "I could not find orange marmelade," "I brought you this." "If someday I'd want a bit of grass there wouldn't grow a leaf on the land." "It's good." "It's not your fault." "It's good, it's good!" "No, I don't want to." "Take it out." "Orange marmelade reminds me of so many things...." "Obviously they are all dead and buried things." "I wrote again." "Why doesn't my wife write back?" "Maybe she's moved, you'll see." "She's hasn't gotten your letters yet, she'll write back." "During the crisis, ...there's a voice that tries to persuade me to let go." "It's a sweet feeling that takes the pain away as if I were sleeping." "I make a terrible effort not to sleep because I'm afraid I won't be able to awake anymore." "Sometimes, slumber takes me by treachery." "When I wake up, ...it's like getting back to life from death." "I want to get well, at any cost, I want to get well!" "You'll get well, of course." "Ladies and gentlemen, let's go." "it's late." "you can't stay in the aisle." "See you tomorrow." "It's forbidden to stay." "That one is hiding behind the curtains." "If he can stay, so can we, isn't?" "He's got permission." "His brother is really ill." "Almost gone." "Bastard, bastard!" "Bastard!" "I'm more alive than you!" "I'm alive!" "I want to get well!" "I want to get well!" "Get out!" "Nurse, a doctor!" "A doctor!" "I don't want to die!" "Call a doctor!" "The doctor on call, fast." "I want to get well!" "Hold him!" "Out, out!" "Let me!" "Lorenzo, don't act like that!" "Let me go!" "Let me!" "Let me!" "Let me, come on!" "Fast!" "What have you done to him?" "It's not important." "It's not what matters." "Why is he bound?" "What happened?" "We don't know." "I don't know." "This is not what matters, this is not what matters..." "How, you "don't know"?" "What happened, uh?" "What happened!" "A suppurated injection." "It's not the first time." "It happens." "A suppurated..." "And how long, to be in these conditions?" "It's recent, it's recent!" "But, it's him that..." "okay, be good, now you're better..." "Listen, where are you going?" "Stop!" "Get back!" "Get back!" "So what?" "Don't you know to knock before entering?" "I don't want my brother to die because of you." "What are you saying?" "In a month you have reduced him to a skeleton." "He's breathless." "He's a human being even if he's poor!" " He's not a dog!" " Morazzi!" "Morazzi!" "What have you done to him?" "Incompetent!" "Butchers!" "I don't even know what you're talking about." "Go away." "Morazzi!" "What?" " Morazzi!" " What you said?" "You don't know what I'm talking ab..." " Calm..." "." "Let me!" " Calm down!" " Let me!" " Stop!" " Let me!" " Don't move!" " Let me...!" "Are you crazy?" "I'm not crazy!" "But if my brother dies, I swear some of you...!" " Let me...!" " Let him." " But doctor..." " Let him!" "Probably you have your own reasons but, what can I do?" "A suppurated injection is an accident." "Is not rare." "It wouldn't have been serious if his body weren't dying." "But who's done it!" "The sickness!" "The sickness finished him." "Who else." "We tried everything." "Now we have suspended the cure as we are trying to heal the scars." "But there's little hope." "No, no, there is hope, there is hope!" "There must be!" "There's hope..." "Take." "Come on, take it." "And calm down." "It's not true, here the rich and the poor are all alike!" "And the visit is the same, whether on the aisle or the pay rooms." "And we do all we can." "But we have little ressources and less money." "Then why I can't talk to the professor?" "You insist!" "Just a moment ago, your brother's case was discussed with the professor." "I've had you brought here." "You'll be better." "Here you're alone, I can sleep with you, see the bed over there?" " A room..." " Yes." "Alone." "When he was put in a room by himself, number 7 died." "No!" "Lorenzo, come on, what are you saying?" "You're no longer in a hospital, you're in a clinic." "I've had you brought here." "A clinic?" "Yes, a private clinic, where you'll be taken care of." "Who knows how much it costs..." "No, I want to get back home." "Anyway, here I'm just suffering, Enrico." "Please, take me back to Florence, I'll be better and I'll be with my wife," "...I'll see again my daughter..." "Where are you?" "Get closer, I can't hear you." "I'm here." "Do you believe in God?" "Yes." "You're lying." "Why do you tell me so if you don't believe so?" "You too want to prepare me to die, ...like the priest, who comes to give me the communion?" "I think you must be facing death then, when you can't put your faith in men anymore, ...if you can leave God aside, ...only then you can say that you don't believe." "But, if you don't put your faith in men and if you don't put your faith in God, ...then you still put your faith in yourself, ...recognize yourself in those you leave." "Is that communism?" "That too." "What time is it?" "It's night." "In Florence they must have lit the streetlights by the riverside." "God is a light?" "Yes." "Talk to me about Jesus." "You wouldn't mind?" "Of course not." "Talk to me until day comes, I'm afraid of sleeping." "Christ was a man, ...and the son of God." "He said:" ""Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth"" "The statue of the deposition of Jesus on Easter week in the Chapel of Mercy..." "God is Jesus." "No." "A statue." "The Chapel crowded..." "It on Maundy Thursday." "Sandrina and me went to visit the tombs." "...in seven different churches." "I want to get back to Florence." "It's dark?" "Turn on..." "Rest..." "It's dark?" "Come closer, I can't see you well." "Lorenzo..." "Lorenzo then, you'll come to bed..." "We'll talk until day comes." "Yes." "Why do you sleep dressed?" "I am cold..." "I am cold, it's cold..." "Listen: the vans of the newspaper..." "Yes." "And we'll be quiet." "...quiet quiet..." " Mother is in paradise, right?" " Yes, of course." "And she's coming to me..." "There was there was a fog so thick yesterday on costa dei Magnoli..." "How was mother dressed?" "With a black tailored suit a suit a black suit..." "She had a long skirt..." "Some days passed by." "You kept asking the same thing:" "To get back to Florence, to get back to Florence." "Then you had an almost surprising return of your strenght." "It was the peace that precedes agony." "Then I agreed to your transfer." "And today I confess to myself that I let you go, ...that I didn't accompany you to avoid witnessing your death." "I wanted to remember you alive." "I feel good, you know?" "In full strenght." "And to think I'll be able to see my wife and my daughter..." " Was the ambulance very expensive?" " No." "I didn't pay anything." "An old friend at the Red Cross has looked after everything." "Don't worry." "Too bad you can't come with me." "I'll reach you tomorrow by train." "As soon as I get there, I'll meet you." "Lorenzo, ...you're still decided?" "Are you sure?" "How green it is!" "I wanted to remember you alive." "And now I think, ...that, for the more blameless and the more corrupt souls, ...death is a habit of life and the accomplishment of a conscience." "And for the souls no longer pure, nor sinful yet, ...who knew neither renunciation's taste nor the savor of offense as of the poor in spirit will be the kingdom of heaven Christ said;" "...then your soul shines bright in the highest eternity." "THE END" "Family Diary" "The film has been made by:" "subtitles: historieta, corrected by serdar"