"Previously on Childrens Hospital:" "And so it is my great pleasure and honor to open up Childrens Hospital's very own genital ward." "Okay, I just gotta get my head wrapped around this." "So you're saying there is a law that says we cannot test new drugs on rare pandas?" " That's what I am saying." " Really?" " Mm-hm." " Aah!" "Can I ask you another question?" "Is there a law against jerking off in a government office cubicle?" "This genital ward will put Childrens Hospital on the forefront of modern genital technology and genital research." "Are you sitting down?" "I can cure you." "You know that visiting doctor?" "The neuro specialist?" "Dr. Max von Sydow?" "Yeah, I heard he won a Nobel Peace Prize." "Funny, he doesn't look like a fag." "He says he can cure me." "What?" "Hold on, Chief." "If he does that, you might lose your sexy strut." "Strut?" "Maybe but I have no feeling in my pelvis." "I'll feel that shit for you." "You're sweet." "But I wanna be normal, Owen." "I wanna be like everyone else." "Oh." "That's a kick in the nuts to all those girls that were never called special or crippled or handi-crippled." "I bet you say that to all the girls." " No, I don't." " I guess you wouldn't." " I don't know other handicapped people." " Right." " Ah." " Chief, you have a gift." "Please don't ruin it." "Now, how about that handjob?" "Dora?" "Hi." "Sorry to wake you." "I wanted alone time while your mom was at her AA meeting." " Can you look under the bed for Dracula?" " Oh, yeah." "I'm gonna look under everything." "I gotta go peep." " Can't you wait five minutes?" " I can count to a hundred." " Okay." " One, two, three..." "Oh, yeah." "Cup the balls." "Hey." "I'm challenging you to a Healing Power of Laughter-Off." "You have one week to perform an operation using only the healing power of laughter." "If you fail, you hang up your balloony pants forever." "I won't fail." "Well, I won't." "Fine!" "Jesus." "If I fail, I leave medicine all together." "No, you go fuck yourself." "Attention staff:" "I am speaking on the PA system." "That's what I'm doing right now." "In a clear and authoritative voice." "That's it." "This kid's getting a vasectomy." "No, don't." "Diego?" "My mom says that Israel's an outdated concept."