"Whiperwill flies about.... 27 miles an hour." "That what you thought it woulda been?" "Sure." "I'd a thought more like... 31 or something." "Hm" "32" "God damn that's a pisser" "Normally I could look at anything." "Tell you exactly how fast it's goin' within 2 miles per hour..." "It's fascinating." "I'm gonna..." "Get the fuck outta the way cocksucker!" "Mornin' mayor" "Hi, how're ya'll doing?" "Easy come, easy go" "When Darwin said fittest..." "He didn't necessarily mean the strongest" "Or the most intelligence or any one trait" "He merely meant those oraganism most well suited to their environments" "Now, we humans" "We think we're more fit" "More evolved because" "We're smarter, We're neophytes" "We've only been on this earth 2 million years, give or take" "The cockroach, that fella's been around 350 million years" "So based on that which of us is the more successful species" "Lots of folks build houses on unsafe ground" "The erosion of Cambodia is some of the worst, my friends wanted to buy a house there but..." "Hey, c'mon" "Hey Grant" "Later Hank" "He's teaching evironmental studies, he's gonna borrow one of my lesson plans" "Oh, I know what he want's to borrow" "And I ain't lendin'" "Come on you little varmits" "That's it" "See you guys later" " That's it" "That's one match I'll never get" "Ain't no mystery..." "Starla's raisin' them shanties off St. Luke dirt poor" "All she ever wanted was to be a lady" "Ol' Grant Grant, he's always been made of green" "Gold digger, huh?" " Oh hell Margeret" "Starla's mother left her, her daddy's a drunk, she's 17 years old" "Old Grant pulls up, big old cadillac, house on a hill" "And college tuition, what would you do?" " Hell, if he'd had a gina you'd a married him too" " What's a "gina"?" "It's a country" "You know where "Ginese" people come from" "Learn to easedrop better Zack, Hell!" "Your mother's waitin' over there" "What the hell you doing here?" "Scoot, Scoot!" "Sugerplum!" "You comin' to bed?" "Oh yeah" "You know what baby?" "I'm just not really in the mood" "Come on babydoll, it's been long time we both need it I know I'm just..." "Baby come on now I don't just have some switch" "Sure you do!" "That's disrespectful" "Come on now, I just playing with you!" "Come on baby!" "Why don't you just work one out for yourself there" "Oh honey I'm just not in the mood, can't you tell?" "When the hell are you in the mood?" "Where you going?" "Out... for a walk!" "Grant, baby" "Uh, yeah, hit me again there killer" "Meagen Montgomery's little sister" "You kidding me" " Nope!" "Brenda" "My sister Meagen, she was a big fat old cow and I be thinking" "What's he see in her that ain't me" "Shit, come on now" "You couldn't have been more than 10 or 11" " Hell, I was game" "I'll give you a ride" " Alright!" "Come on!" " Where we going?" "Get over here!" "What I tell you I had a crush on you" "Oh yeah look at that" "Your initials "B M"" "Just like a piece of shit!" " Shut up!" "At least I don't got the same last name as first" "You ain't nothing but a little turd girl" "wait!" "wait!" "wait!" "Oh Grant" "I can't" "Starla" "She gets a little worried about me if I'm out too late" "I'm sorry I gotta to go" "Starla, yeah shit!" "Go" "What is it?" "I dunno" "There's a trail." "Ah, oh that's gross" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on, Grant" " Wait!" "What the fuck?" "Oh God!" "Grant?" "Are you okay?" "You okay?" "Meat" "Morning baby" "We have'nt heard this song for a while I was hoping it could be uh... peace pipe" "I'm sorry about last night" "I don't mean to push you away and make you feel rejected" "I do want to be a good wife" "You're crying" "Baby, what's this?" "Just a little bug bite" "What are you so smiley about?" "Nothing" "Grant and I had a good morning and it's been a while." "You slut!" "You're a married woman" "It just Grant, I dunno, it's like." "It was like he was discovering all these different parts of my body, you know like... like little boy or something." "I'm telling you this morning I sensed a real change in Grant" "Meat meat meat" "Howdy, Mr. Grant" "Oh hey there killer" " What can I do ya for?" "Give me couple of your rib eyes" " How many you need?" "Eight" "No, ten" "No, no, you know what?" "How..." "Give me 14." "Having a party?" "Yeah some like that." "It's a ittle surprised for the wife." "Grant!" "What's this lock doing on the door?" "Baby, you drilled right into the frame, it's all busted up" "Sugerplum, you really think you sould be asking so many questions when it's so close to your birthday" "My birthday is not for 2 months" "That's close not really matter of opinion" "Grant, I'm jumping in the shower." "Baby we need to leave in 40 minutes" "Oh" "What're you doing?" "Nothing, I got. I got to go to work, I..." "left something at work" "What?" "Grant, Deer Cheer starts in about an hour and you promised me" "Gotta go, gotta go to work!" "I'll meet you there!" "I will never understand what joy a" "Grown man gets using a thousand dollar weapon to blow the face off a cute little deer" "surprised you're able to lift a mug you been carrying that torch for so long" "That remind me of something I wanted to tell you" "What's that?" "Fuck you fatass!" "Grant!" "Damn girl!" "You are chocolate for the eyes!" "I thought maybe you was dead after the other night I am dead" "Don't I look it?" "The old half Mexican around?" " At his momma's for the weekend, I'm all alone 'sides this 'un" "Hmm" "Hey" " Hi!" "Scared ya?" "Hey, Bill..." "What you doing?" " Oh nothing just... trying to get buzz on but I can't" "I'm too buff, got too much muscle mass" "Oh really?" "Congratulations, by the way - thank you!" "Yeah on the promotion Chief, yeah" "sounds wierd doesn't it?" " No, sounds nice" "So where's old Grant?" "I don't know he was supposed to meet me here but..." "It's kinda chilly tonight" "Yeah, Sure is purdy" "It's probably time for the countdown, almost" " Right" "Yeah, think Jack'll make a speech or something..." "That'll be interesting" "Thank you!" "I would like to introduce Mayor Jack McCreedy" "Thank you!" "Cheese and crackers" " Ladies and gentleman" "Right after God invented this world of ours" "He came unto Adam and He said that man sould have dominion" "over the fish in the sea and over the birds in the air" "And over every living thing that moveth upon the Earth" "Now, I believe... when God say that!" "He was thinking of deer season and Wheelsy how much damn fun it is to shoot a buck or two" "Are you ready?" " Yeah!" "Ten" "Nine!" "Eight!" "Seven!" "Six!" "Five!" "Four!" "Three!" "Two!" "Oh God, Grant!" "Let's the hunt begin!" "Grant?" "What is..." "Grant you know about this fuse?" "Grant why didn't you answer your phone?" "Grant?" "Oh my God, Baby what happen to your face?" "It just a bee sting" "I'll be alright" "I had a little reaction, that's all" "We gotta get you to the hospital" " No, no no" "I already saw doctor Carl..." "gave me prescription." "Said" ""it should clear up soon"" "He said "things like this happen... happens to people all the time"" "Come one baby, don't... don't look at me like that" "Yes, hi Dr. Carl" "This is Starla Grant" "Oh Starla, How are you?" "I'm fine, thank you, I was calling about... about Grants condition, I think it maybe getting worse" "What condition is that, dear?" "The one you just saw him about" "Starla, I haven't seen your husband in over a year" "Oh what's the matter!" "Come on now, don't cry now look here, you're doing a good job!" "I'm so hungry, I think I'm gonna die!" "No, here I'm got something here help ya feel better" "Brought you munchies" "Come on now, treat yourself!" "Hey Starla" " Hey!" "Bill, Wally" " Hi!" "Grant around by any chance?" " Oh no, he's not home from work yet" "Mr. Grant!" " He's not home yet Wally, I just said" "What's going on?" "Do you know Brenda Gutierrez" "Maybe she called the house..." " No" "Girl disappeared Friday night" "Signs of struggle in the house" "Here in town" "Yeah the thing is... people saw Grant goin into her house" "And that's the last thing they seen of her" "It must have been someone that looks like Grant" "Yeah, maybe" "have him give me a call as soon as he gets in" "Alright" " Thanks" "Good night" " Good night!" "No no no" "Bill, it's Starla, you were just here and you need to get back here right now!" "Grant is sick or something..." "Why you running from me baby?" "I wasn't gonna hurt you!" "I love you baby I tried not to change" "I get it, I'm too ugly for you now, is that it?" "You don't want to hurt me" "You betrayed me I cant trust you no more" "Here I got a little surprise for you huh sugerplum" "Starla!" "Starla you in here?" "Starla, you alright?" "Whoa, stop!" "What the fuck was that?" "Bunch of fucking morons I don't know how any of em got elected they blame me for it like I..." "Bill, Bill we need to talk" "Shit!" "Morning Jack we need to find this Grant, I mean yesterday town council's lit a roman candle stuck it up my ass" "Jack your leisure activities ain't my business" " Hey don't you fuck with me Bill your post here as chief is in dire straits nobody wants to go huntin in a town with a pet murderer and kidnapper" "We'll find him Jack ain't many places he can hide looks like a damn squid" "Sea world maybe" "She heard you say squid she gonna go out and create a goddamn hysteria" "Shelby you gonna create a hysteria?" " Not today Bill!" "What's this?" "I thought we could use it like a police sketch, chief" "You know, take it door to door see if anybody recognizes him" "Ya'll show some respect, right now" "And you!" "You don't know what was in there you said it was dark, you don't know what the hell you saw" "His arm was all bendy mayor -well it's obvious the bastards got..." "Lime disease!" " What?" " lime disease you touch some deer feces and then ya eat a sandwich without washing your hands you got your lime disease and makes you look like a squid" "Oh well fuck you all for laughing" "Chief, another attack over at the Catovettes" "What?" "Grants been stealing animals off farms edge of town" "Alright folks lets go dont forget your guns we don't any lime disease popping out at us" "Oh ho ho, ha ha fucking ha" "I reckon Grant ain't got one of them puppy calenders on his desk just dont strike me as a real dog lover is all" "Hey!" "Look" "Knocked this one's head clear on over here put that down numbnuts he drug the cow through here" "How can one man do that?" "Slay all them dogs by himself?" "Well, he's gotta be in the forest all 3 ranches run along side it" "I think we should get up a posse" "And head in there lt's hundred thousand acres, be like finding a needle in a fuckstack" "Gather some folks together think I know where dr doolittle's gonna strike next" "right after grant ran off a cat went missing from here" "Ranglin's ranch!" "Two nights ago a mare was stolen from this property owned by Fitzgibbon that rancher with the cleft pallet I know that guy, he looks like a chipmunk your momma weren't too proud when you came out neither Wally" "And then we got the Castovettes right here that's where last nights shitstorm took place and if he keeps that pattern next he's gonna end up here" "Owned by a family called the Stripmeyers I know you're all tired and barely seen your families but we're gonna have to go there tonight lie low" "And wait well let's go get that son of a bitch chief" "yeah -yeah alright boys" "here's my little darlin there she is" "hey bill we got his grenade we confiscated from them jokers wanting to use it to fish for trout no, we should be alright with all we got" "not another ruskies we're invading" "You seen this guy, you'd a wish they was" "Just give me one second" "Bill, I heard you going to get Grant." "yeah we uh - l think I should go with you well go?" "honey, no" "Bill you need to let me help -look i aint that wells on police procedure but im sure theres a heap of regulations against taking a civilian on a stakeout" "I should have seen it coming this is my fault it aint your fault he tried to kill you he had all those physical symptons he was acting peculiar" "Starla, thank you" "I was just trying ot pretend it wasn't happening" "Starla I apperciate the offer but I can't!" "If that girl's still out there How you gonna find her?" "How?" "Unless you bring Grant back alive" "Your best... your only chance of doing that is with me" "she's got a point" "You all done honey?" "Oh, thank you" "Hey come on now!" "Colly what did you do to your fingers?" "Terry Chy done 'em she's Japanese yeah?" "looks more like that Pokeman done em to me foreign stuff is classy if you knew you knew something oh there's Jack I want all of you stay inside tonight, you hear!" "Hey Otis!" "this turns out to be a mountain lion we're gonna look like a bunch of damn idiots" "this would be a good night to chase some pussy wouldn't it?" "how about that deputy Margeret you got a little deputy thing" "going on with you two?" "Margeret packs a box lunch" "No shit?" "Hey Starla you remember that time we were kids you came knockin at my window in the middle of the night" "so Starla here's 12" "I guess i was 14 i said Starla "what the hell you doing out there"" "she says She's gonna run away to Hollywood and be a big star and she knew i was in the ROTC so she says she needs a bodyguard and invites me to come along and i said "starla... lf theres anyone could can take herself" "i'd think it's you i'm gonna have to decline" "how far'd you get bout the bus stop" "cuz ranger rick here called my dad." "damn, a cop from the get go you sonuvabitch fucked up our fame and fortune there bill pardy" "Yeah" "Yeah i guess maybe i did" "You said "squid"" "it got worse" "it looks like somethingn that fell off my dick during the war hey hey" "Grant?" "Ho-ly" "Shit!" "what are we gonna do now Bill?" "cuffs wont even fit on him" "Starla where you...?" "Grant!" "It's okay Grant" "You're just sick is all you're just sick" "We're just here... to take you to get some help" "Right now!" "and i'm gonna stay by you" "Just like I swore I would!" "for better or worse much fucking worse" "Grant!" "marriage is a scared bond right baby?" "It's gonna be alright, Grant" "Just come with us" "stop right there you son of a bitch now i don't care what kind of leprosy you got" "we need to find that girl now you can make this peaceful" "Or you can make it hard!" "slowly on my tail, do not lose him in the woods" "come on out you cocksucker what are you?" "some little pussy you afraid?" "Pyschology!" "Over there!" "where'd he go?" "now we aint never gonna find that girl" "Starla get the hell out of here!" "What's that smell?" " Something dead it's coming form in there aint it?" "I think he's inside" "Oh!" "Something wrong with me" "Uh..." "Yeah" "Oh Jesus!" "God!" "Brenda." "well i didn't want no one seeing me like this" "how's my boy Bill?" "is he alright?" "your boys fine Brenda" "so..." "What's going on here, exactly?" "I'm so fucking hungry, Bill I'm so hungry, I never knew anyone could be so hungry." "would you mind..." "handing me... a piece of that possum over there?" "just a little bit" "I think we best get you to a hospital right quick" "What the fuck they gonna do with her in a hospital Bill?" "Shut up" "Jesus" "Why is she doing that?" "a tortoise is movin'" "Relax!" "somebody get her to stop doing that shit it hurts bitch" "the little fuckers are tearin me apart the bastard led us here" "Margeret cover your mouth don't let them in your mouth" "they tried to get into my mouth what kind of thing wants you to eat it?" "Kelly honey you're gonna turn into a plum in there" " Prune mama." "plums turn into prunes i know what turns into what so wont you finish and get yourself into bed, you hear?" "Time to turn in ladies just a couple more pages, Mom" "No!" "Besides you know what day tomorrow is" " Family fun day" " That is correct!" "So good night!" "Sleep tight." "Don't let the bed bug bites." "Good night, Mom!" "Goodnight" "Shelby come in 11-41, I need paramedics out here right away I got 4 men down" "Shelby are you there" "Shelby we got an emergency here, This is Bill" "Oh crud" "Shelby." "This is no time for a break Shelby I mean it" "Shelby" "They alive?" "Praise Jesus!" "Praise Jesus?" "!" "That's fucking pushing it!" "this shits about as far form god as shit can get!" "either of you ever seen anything like that?" "you ever heard of anything like that?" "Huh?" "me neither and I watch animal planet all the fucking time!" "I got no reception out here" "I gonna run back to the car and try to call the paramedics from there that's a long way with those worms out there yeah well nice change of pace from human deer" "Alright you three get this folks out of the barn all the rotten stench can't be doing em any good you take this i got my colt" "Be careful" " Yeah, theres a thought" "You know what this is." "It's god damn biological weapons" "That's what it is." "Govenment's testing em on Wheelsy You know why?" "Cause I don't take no shit form nobody at those state hearings they want to bukkake Jack McCreedy" "they can kiss my ass!" "if this shit contagious and i turn into fucking mollusk I'm gonna sew those bastards i swear to god" "and you can sew right along side of me i don't care if you're a lesbo you don't deserve this shit" "It's like..oh man..." "smells like rotten mayonaise" "Hi sugerplum!" "Marriage, it's a scared bond just like you said" "What?" "I'm sorry for trying to strangle you and all" "I lost my ...head i didn't mean to do none of them things i done" "Not..." "Kill them ...pets!" "Not make Brenda... a womb" "But it was my n- nature aint it?" "how can you blame someone for acting ac cording to his own nature I wanted to tell you what was going on, but... I was afraid you wouldn't love me no more" "I never knew love Strala" "Wally, you alright?" "maybe you'd better sit back down!" "you don't look so good" "Hey!" "Kylie honey you ok?" "hi kylie it's me open the door jellybean come on kylie open the door we love you sweetheart come on out now open the door get away" "y'all get away kylie there no excuse not to be with your family this is family funday isn't it kylie" "Y'all better just sit back down you need to get some rest" "You're sick!" "meat!" "Let her go!" "Y'all just take step back now, alright?" "There you go, sugerplum" "Why you accusing the kents 'fore you..." "here both sides of the story -hear both sides of the story" "Why you talking like Grant?" "'cause I am Grant" "l'm your husband!" "I'm your husband!" "you swore to honor and obey me" "So put that goddamn gun down!" "Stay away from her!" "it burns!" "what the..." "Get away from her, -meat" "Get away from her I am gonna shoot you I swear to the God!" "You aint gonna shoot me starla, I told you.." "You always needed me to protect you!" "You for damn sure I ain't got the balls to.." "Christ on a cross" "uncle grants gonna show you a good time girl open this door you little whore dont mess with me you little slut kylie this is your last chance" "little bitch!" " Hey!" "What's going on?" "the hell you doing?" "Hey hey easy easy!" "What the hell happen to you Otis?" "poinson ivy out back maybe" "We're itchy no they're not my parents they're trying to trick you" "The worms are in their brains" "Alright look!" "Y'all stay right there on the spot i'm gonna call the paramedics come help you" "And kylie's gonna come with me hey there killer!" "Starla's my woman you bitch" "what's with the spitting?" "margeret come in margeret are you there?" "chief go go there gonna get in my friends are still out there..." "Trevor?" "what the heck is going on?" "bitch is hardcore" "Get in the car!" "Go!" "Starla!" "Starla!" "So.." "how's everybody's evening?" "good?" "..." "Good thanks" "Shelby" "Shelby you there?" "hey chief how ya doing?" "Did you found that..." "There's a 'squiter in here driving me bonkers" "Shelby you seen any of these... I don't know what to call them..." "like big slugs, only they're fast" "No slug!" "But your mama call she said the toilet's all backed up again wants you come over soon as you're finished there." "Alright, sweet heart listen I need you to listen to me just a second okay" "She said it's what you done in there on sunday what caused the back up." "Alright listen I need to get the CDC on the horn for me ok" "Shelby are you nodding?" "Uh yeah sorry, I'll get you right back." "theres a big tree in front yard and the roots got into pipes and messes with the whole system on the way to the main" "she uses lots of paper" "Where is the Mr. Pib?" "I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pib it's the only coke I like" "Goddamn Brenda's bloating like a water baloon?" "worms driving my firends around like they goddamn skingaurd people are spitting acid at me turn ya into cottage cheese and now there no fucking goddamn mr. pib jesus christ jack let me get right on it" "it was me I became it him, part of him who?" "Mrs. Grant's toasting." "but he wasn't always him he came from... he a goddamn martian martians is from mars jack or it's a general term meaning outer space fucker no it isn't -look it up cocksucker enough" "Kylie!" "honey, what do you mean?" "his real face looks like a needle the way he always got antoher he goes form place to place worlds, planets killing them some he gets pregnant others he just takes over with his forms and the rest he eats till they're gone" "Now he's here I've seen this worms these worms in thier brains now you saying they're all connected?" "it's like they're all one deal an animal that doesn't procreate" "it spreads grows absorbing the minds and bodies of the organisms around it" "It's a conscious disease if i weren't about to shit my pants i'd be fucking fascinated" "we're back everythings gonna be okay." "Shelby did you get the CDC for me we're at the city limits" "Welcome back...killer got a little surprise for the lot of you just right around the corner" "starla starla" "Starla!" "Let her go!" "Jesus!" "Meat" "Chief?" "Come on, come here" "Stay here Jack wake up wake up -hurry" "stay here" "worms beat us here" "alright, there's a grenade in that station now, if I use that to destroy Grant he's the center of the whole system, right?" "does that mean the whole thing will be destroyed?" "Maybe" " Maybe?" "Okay!" "Okay!" "You wait here, alright, stay hid I'll be back" "This is Chief Pardy" "I can't!" "Fuck me" "Hey...motherfucker!" "We got to go!" "Once one sees us they all see us" "Take this, here!" "Sweetie don't look, don't look" "What are we gonna do now?" "Probabaly turn into a couple of these fucked up things that's kind of negative well it's been that sorta day" "Thank you for saving my ass back there" "Your welcome" "Course when I tell that story it's gonna be the other way around" "What do you mean?" " Like I saved to you." "Yeah if we live -right now, they're dragging these bodies due north do you think that'll lead us to Mrs. Grant?" "You like her don't you?" "Come on!" "Who's there?" "Bill?" "Starla?" "Hello?" "Do you look at me like that" "Don't you just see?" "got no idea what it's like to be this hungry i just ate a pig and I still want more" "Damn republicans gotta run all you republicans outta town" "Your said "for better or worse" you lied bitch, slut, whore" "there's the worms... that's where they're bringing the bodies" "probably new breeders feed them inside oh my god, that's Grant" "that's where they're joining together" "well now, that is some fucked up shit" "There's Starla" "you stay here no, I ain't staying here by myself" "Alright, come on!" "You tried to kill me and run off with Pardy you just want to fuck him now cause he's so good looking" "I'll keep growing till I'm everywhere till I'm all that is then you'll know what it feels like to be betrayed won't you sugerplum?" "i'm sorry i'm sorry I just thought you were trying to kill me" "and you can't expect me not to go through some adjustments" "after all these changes" "You done a real nice job decorating baby you like these memories?" "yeah I know you don't want to hurt me Grant" "you like being called Grant don't you?" "i can do that i can call you that cause you're lonely right?" "you been alone so long I can't even imagine, i bet" "you don't have to be alone anymore" "cause you and I we could be together" "I never had much use for this world anyway i can stay with you while you do what you need to do" "cause it's you nature and i see that now" "i'm here for you" "Kill me Pardy" "Please!" "...i'v been around a billion years you think you can fuck with me?" "yep" "Shit!" "Shoot him!" "Bill" "Bill..." "Bill!" "That really hurt." "Are you alright?" "We need both of them things in you to get all womby oh that's Awesome!" "bet you regret not running off with me to hollywood now 'ey bill?" "hell Starla" "I've always regretted that" "bet ya phil's just a few miles down the 10 got that hospital there with the big green steeple thingy up top" "hey Kylie why don't you tell Mrs. Grant that story about how I saved you from that deer" "Oh yeah, Bill saved me from a deer" "Oh yeah?" "Captions by ...me..."