"but it's not what you're saying about the fortunato." "....out of a can" "My fish isn't bad." "I'm sure." "I warned you against the snapper." "I hope so." "isn't he?" "The food's not spicy at all." "You can barely taste it." "Mine's pretty spicy." "Try it." "Mm..." "I don't taste anything." "You been throwing rolls at me?" "Uh...it wasn't me." "really..." "he didn't." "I'm so sorry someone would choose to behave that way." "I...yeah." "I'm...so sorry!" "really sorry!" "I-- it's...not...me." "Bloody tear could just mean subconjunctival hemorrhage." "which caused his lack of taste." "House isn't gonna care." "Does black tie optional really mean black tie?" "'Cause I don't wanna rent" "There's been a glitch with the wedding." "And House will be interested." "A glitch?" "Patient had his corpus callosum cut to correct a seizure issue." "A glitch? but he's having trouble adjusting to a split brain." "A glitch?" "This is Dr. Taub." "Tell him about shopping." "Uh..." "I go into a grocery store." "Everything seems normal. stuff I hate." "My left hand hates me." "Yeah." "I think House'll be interested." "clang went the trolley # # ding ding ding hmm hmm hmm #" "Just warning you-- I'm in a good mood. so I have no idea how things are going" "Alien hand syndrome. or is there a pony in the backyard?" "Split brain." "Right hemisphere controls the left and" "Is making life miserable." "Nonlogical thinkers often do." "Current issue isn't the split brain." "The surgery corrected" "You're dissing the right hemisphere?" "Most people who have this operation don't even notice they're missing anything." "rationality." "Right brain is a mute loser. has greater facial recognition." "I couldn't have been a plastic surgeon without it." "Yes." "And where would junior high be without our ability to judge people on aesthetics? our place in the universe." "Mm-hmm." "It's a universal daisy chain of peace and love that throws buns at people. or just a cold." "sunshine." "We got a brand-new toy." "You wanna play?" "We need to talk." "Great." "I love euphemisms. and it means something else." "Begin eliminating." "Search the home." "uh... isn't that like locking the barn door after the horse has put his face between your breasts for an hour and a half?" "I'm your boss." "You're an employee. but if you wanna..." "People who get close to you get hurt." "That's a fact." "You're also a valued doctor in this hospital." "That's another fact." "we're gonna focus on the second fact." "So this isn't you freaking out over last night." "This isn't an emotional decision." "I'm just giving you the rules." "You can either accept them or leave." "I slept with Cuddy." "After she helped me detox from Vicodin." "I've been clean for almost 24 hours now." "Okay." "Thought I'd mention it." "Wow." "Wow!" "One for each." "That's what she said." "Ha..." " How's the pain?" "She's probably got some bruising..." "I get it." "You're a stud." "House." "I feel better than I did four hours ago." "I'll feel better than this." "The other wow..." "you were sober." "She was sober?" "Clean and sober and hot." "Wow!" "This is fantastic." "How are you gonna screw it up?" "Several good options." "I don't think she's gonna give me the pleasure." "and five minutes ago she told me that I'm just an employee." "Ha." " Yes. or she realized last night was a gigantic mistake... she was maternal..." "You think she jumped me out of pity? you...need to talk to her." "Absolutely." "Does our patient freak you out a little?" "No. and we just don't know it." "What does that say about identity? which I find freeing." "I haven't been in a bathroom this size since my dorm in med school." "Is that fungus?" " It's from the steam buildup." "What do you think of this glitch with Chase and Cameron's wedding?" "It's always a sad thing when sperm comes between people." "I hear the sperm is very good today." "I mean the salmon." "Go away." " No other tables." "You'd let your wife keep another man's offspring on ice next to the frozen peas just in case?" "That's what this is about." "She's not ready to commit to me." "She's planning for failure." "Did you know that male fruit flies have toxic chemicals in their seminal fluid that inhibit the sperm of other males?" "Wilson says we need to talk." "We talked." " I agree." "This has clearly gotten past the talking stage." "What?" "Hey." "Great." "Did you find my MP3?" "not yet. some magazines... and this cactus from your window." "really." "The hospital supplies all that stuff." "huh?" "Trying to get your other half to like me." "okay?" "I like you." "Which means that-- we shouldn't read into that." " Anti-fungal meds. but since your right brain doesn't seem too fond of IVs..." "You should be feeling better in a few days." "I have to get back to work." "Rick says your shift will be waiting for you when you get back." " Thanks." "my God!" "so sorry." "I'm sorry." " I have to-- hold on!" "it wasn't me!" "I can't walk." "it wasn't the fungus." "And it's not a coordination issues." "Dehydration can cause loss of balance." "good skin turgor." "Not orthostatic." "Could be our tax dollars at work." "Constantly building new roadways and bridges." "A meningioma." "Slow growing." "Could extend along the subosteal layer of the cranial cavity and be hidden by the bone." "The cancer cells are actually re-growing a connection between the left and right hemispheres." "the two halves have begun but it's too early in the process for him to pick up on it." "But...we can test for it." "Proof." "did you?" "I'd have lied." "I thought thermal imaging photos seemed simpler." "Note how many more heated areas appear after less than a minute with me." "So it's either love or possibly rage." "Don't talk to her." "I have no plans to talk to her." "Manipulation is in your genetic Code." "you move in to correct." "You are making a mistake." " She lied to me." "Either last night or today." "I need to find out which and why." "thermal imaging is the way." "This isn't a case." "You're not looking for a diagnosis. be an adult." "Keep your eyes focused on the plus sign." "Any image that appears on your far right will only be seen by your left brain." "And any image on your far left will only be seen by your right brain." "Okay." "Just start by saying the words." "Book." "Giraffe." "Willow." "Fortunate." "You're not saying the word." "I didn't see a word." "Could you draw a picture of what you think the word might be?" "I-I didn't see..." "Candle." "This is so cool." "that's not freaky at all." "No communication." "So far." "why are you standing?" "Uh..." "I'm a little chilly." "I thought I'd get a sweater or something from my room." "Is that okay?" " A few more minutes. is the left hemisphere... the interpreter." "That's where we tell the story of who we are and why we do things." "That's also the side that was wrong. makes connections you could never see." "You owe your insight to the "mute loser." "I'll send it tickets to a Phillies game." "Confabulation means no communication." "Means your theory's wrong." "But he is cold." "Why are you scratching?" "It itches." " Ammonia breath." "Your liver is failing. they'll need statistical documentation." "What?" "Why are you looking at me? I was under the impression you wanted to... say something else." "Nope." "About House and me." "There's nothing to talk about." "I want permission to do a liver biopsy." "We're looking for sarcoidosis." "fine?" "What do you mean what do I mean?" "Do you mean because a liver biopsy and you're wondering what my reaction to that will be?" "Yes." "Are you trying to make me angry?" "Yes." " Do your biopsy." "And also do your clinic hours." "I'm blowing off my clinic hours." "Really?" "Let's see how that goes." "Still not angry." "Try again later." "Ah...sorry." "I know I'm a little ripe." "Just a sweaty guy." " Recently?" "Always." "with a crazy left hand." "Sometimes I fantasize about cutting it off." "Just a fantasy." "not me. how's it gonna react to a needle?" "Can you get music into this room?" "I think you're using your relationship with Cuddy as a replacement for drugs. but your body's full of romantic endorphins. you create this distraction of looking for proof." "Think I should stop and let the pain flood back?" "Cuddy is not a Vicodin substitute." "Quite the opposite." "You have to wait for her to be ready." "Great advice." "You pretend that I'm gonna do that." "You've made two major changes in your life." "Not a time anyone's judgment is at its best." "Didn't you use to argue that my judgment would be better off drugs?" "Admit it--you're curious why I wanna make her angry." "and stupid." "You're dying to know what I found on her coffee cup." "No." "Because" " Oxytocin." "Oxytocin..." "The chemical involved in emotional bonding?" "Her lips say no... more!" "No." "For you to know her levels were elevated you'd need a base line to compare them with." "I paid the guy in the gym to retrieve one of her water bottles from the trash." "Love inspires us to greatness." "So I need to make her lose her temper... which demonstrates to me and to her that there is something underneath this facade." "And then what happens?" "She admits everything and falls into your arms?" "That's outcome one." "Outcome two...is she kills me." "I think it's 50/50 right now." "Great." "I thought you'd say that!" "You're committing yourself to something" "Someone. but ultimately great." "Assuming... are you absolutely sure you want this to succeed?" "Why is an old guy standing in my doorway?" "Eugene Schwartz." "Eugene Schwartz." "Dr. Cuddy asked me to come up here from the clinic." "She says you're seeing patients in your office." "isn't it?" "She sent him." "That's gotta mean something." "I'll go get my decoder ring." "I squawk." "Like a parrot." "Aaww!" "that's not it." "It started a few months ago." "I was doing some woodworking in my garage." "I was trying to make a chair." "Was it the chair? this strange noise comes bursting out of my mouth" "Caaaww!" "Caaaww!" "Tough to fake that." "Nice pants." "My wife Mona thinks I'm bustin' her chops." "It's ruining my marriage." "Where are we going?" "So your left hand would rather play air guitar than give me a hard time?" "eat dinner..." "Your right hand's playing too." "I don't wanna discourage it." "Splinter hemorrhages under his fingernails." "What's that?" "What" "BP and 02 sats are dropping!" "Need a bag of B-negative in here!" "So much for sarcoidosis." "Points to a clotting issue." "Clots would explain all his symptoms." "Why aren't we in the office?" "I'm tired of clinic duty." "right?" "Yeah." "We gave him heparin and did an echo of his heart but" "More air guitar?" " The heart's fine. but the hand got tired of cooperating." "We finally knocked him out. or you would have opened by telling me your brilliant diagnosis. but what if it's a symptom?" "There are cancers that cause night sweats and can lead to clots-- Lymphoma..." "Or pancreatic cancer." "Go scan his pancreas." "And... try Led Zeppelin." "We've always remembered what this hospital did for Leo when his appendix burst." "a check this size..." "Sorry to interrupt." "Here's my poo." "Dr. House said to bring it over and leave it with you as soon as I could." "I don't know if you people have an official term for it-- yes." "Thank you." "I'll take care of it." "It's hard to rush these things." "Even if you've eaten a lot of broccoli." "Where you goin'?" " Annie called." "She's not coming back." "This is not the best time." "You said the heparin would keep new clots from forming." "Maybe." "But something's obviously causing the clots." "If you have pancreatic cancer-- the fatality rate" "You walk out of here" " Stop! but nobody can put themselves in my place." "Did she find somebody new?" "Was I not being attentive enough?" "No." "She's just tired of being insulted by a limb." "She said that my feelings toward her were mixed." "my feelings aren't mixed." "You're not goin' anywhere unless you wanna go naked." "Your right brain knows you need to stay." "My right brain's an ass." "Got a minute?" "There's something wrong with this cup. someone to be my whiteboard." "That's how you taught me to work. have selective visual impairment when we pass each other in the hall." "Second--I can accept it's over and leave" "Or you could try making him angry." "Standard choice number three. but it's not like I have any new facts I can present." "And Chase has this romantic view of love that reality can't compete with." "I know how you could succeed." " How?" "Just say the magic words" "I will destroy my husband's sperm." "you mean succeed without doing that." "Probably not." "I have doubts." "Normal doubts." "It's not wrong to prepare for bad things to happen even if you don't expect them to. but I have fire insurance." "Patient's girlfriend left him." "Now he wants to leave us. would you go homeless?" "His room is this way." "do you think I can fix this?" "We need to offer this guy something he can only get if he stays in the hospital-- relationship counseling." "I don't know if his girlfriend's" "I mean his two hemispheres." "That's the breakfast of relationships" "The most important one of the day." "We need your special skills." "Is the guy out there?" "The guy that's gonna make my right brain work?" "for..." "What do you think your right brain wants?" "How should I know?" "It's crazy." "It does things I would never do." "Duct of Wirsung's slightly enlarged but within normal parameters." "Say something." "It's mute." "It can't communicate with you." "Maybe you should try communicating with it." "is it?" "You're the dominant half." "You make all the decisions." "The right side has no control over anything." "It must be...frustrating." "No masses in body or tail segments." "I can't communicate with it." "That's the whole-- what do you do?" "What do you mean?" "and I go to the store." "Your right brain has no idea why you're suddenly getting up and putting on your jacket." "It just gets dragged along." "try saying it out loud." "I think I'll go to the store because we're out of peanut butter"?" "How much did they teach you about people like me when you were learning to be a therapist?" "I'm an oncologist." "The right brain likes what he's saying." "Hasn't moved the entire scan." "though." "Scan's clean." "It's not pancreatic cancer." "Clotting could be a problem well before a solid tumor forms." "It can still be pancreatic." "but if you want a diagnosis we should probably look at other cancers." "House." "I just squawked!" " What?" "your patient from yesterday." "I just squawked!" "I was buying some flowers for Mona." "It happened when I was paying the clerk!" "I assume Dr. Cuddy gave you this number." "Yes!" "She told me to call you any time I squawked day or night!" "but I'm about to lose you because I'm about to drive into a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone. so let's make it fast." "pancreatic." "I know it's pancreatic." "I know there's evidence." "I know we've seen it." "I just can't-- left brain issues? let's make it easier." "Let's open him up and paint it." "There's a new procedure using scorpion toxin and infrared paint. makes 'em easier to spot. and you wanna do it to a guy whose problem is clotting." "The only chance he's got is finding and removing those cancer cells now." "His brain MRI showed narrowing in the blood vessels leading up from the neck." "we could kill him." "Clot in his brain could kill one of them without affecting the other." "He might actually be okay with that." "How long's it gonna take?" "Assuming he doesn't crash..." "A few minutes." "Hey...you and Cameron." "I'm sorry." "I'll be right back." "I don't wanna be homeless." "Okay." "You can stay in the condo." "I'll find some other" " That's not what I mean." "I wanna marry you." "I got the forms to destroy the sperm." "You sure?" "Yeah." "but then I'd have to rescrub." "I know." "BP's dropping." "Go." "No sign of cancer." "BP's 90 over 60." "You never answered my question." "Relax." "Our friendship is not doomed." "Thank God. or is this just another challenge?" "You're worried that once I'm in a relationship you and me'll be over." "Hey!" "I'm actually for this." "I think this is great. then you will get hurt. then accept that she will get hurt." "She look angry?" "If you're standing there when she looks up here" "no." "Systolic's 80." "Gotta finish this suture before I can get out." "Give him a dopamine drip." "We weren't looking up at the right time." "Get to your point." "We're a little busy here." "The clots aren't from cancer." "They're coming from his heart." "We echoed the heart." "No clots." "Not while we were looking." "Didn't I open with that?" "The clots were caused by an arrhythmia." "No arrhythmia." " Not while we were looking!" "Intermittent arrhythmia." "This guy pulls our equipment off at the slightest provocation. is right now!" "I'm saying do a transesophageal echo." "We have to get his BP stable." "Absolutely." "Right after the echo." "Systolic 70." "The heart looked healthy at the last echo." "And an arrhythmia wouldn't cause clots in a healthy ventricle." "So start with the left atrial appendage." "Wow." " Yep." "I did it again." "Now get this poor guy's BP under control" "And seal off the appendage." "Then all we have to do is find out what damaged his heart before it goes after something he really needs." "So what damages a healthy 20-year-old heart enough to make it send out clots like it's bombing Dresden?" "Rhabdo?" "Would have fried his kidneys too." "What about Graves?" "Thyroid function tests were normal." "Cushing's." "Cortisol overproduction could interfere with heart rhythm." "Run a dexamethasone suppression test." "Annie." "You hit me." "but..." "It wasn't me." "I know you would never have done that but..." "But you came back." "To talk with your doctors. and I had this thought out of nowhere." "I've seen his left hand throw things thinking it's fun." "But when he threw this... when I brought it to him." "Could it mean something?" "Deodorant shouldn't" "How often do you use it?" "a few times a day." "It's special heavy duty stuff." "I have to send away for it." "Sprayed around a bathroom the size of a shoebox." "I'll check the ingredients from the manufacturer." "I'll check for any references associated with health issues." "Somebody's grateful." "We'll just leave the..." "three of you alone." "Why is there no lipstick on this cup?" "Cuddy was wearing lipstick when she drank from it." "It was on my face." "Why isn't it on the cup?" "Why is it always reasonable in Houseland to take an emotional problem and sidestep it by turning it into a mechanical problem?" "Because in Houseland-- by the way-- it calls for an answer." "If the left brain is the interpreter of reality then what is your story? or do you wanna be the man with Cuddy?" "What do I do?" "You make her angry." "You really think that was the best time to mock me?" "but I think I'm serious." "Communication can't start unless you're" "I've been trying to make her angry for-- you haven't." "Come on!" "strippers?" "It's routine stuff." "You've been pulling your punches." "You're scared." "You should be." "Now...go terrorize her." "do you?" "I said I was gonna do it." "I'll do it." "But you don't want to." "I wanna be with you." "Maybe I'm not comfortable with it" "Let's say it's our fifth anniversary." "Are you ready to destroy it now?" "Tenth." "Three kids." "They spend their summers in Melbourne" "And have annoying accents." "It's disgusting how happy we are." "You ready now?" "You don't have doubts." "You just don't wanna kill the only thing left of someone you loved." "Don't do it." "I do have trouble giving things up." "For example..." "I never cancelled any of our wedding plans." "Attention!" "I have an announcement." "I would like you to be aware of the fact that I slept with Lisa Cuddy!" "This is beyond ass-hood!" "You have the luxury of not caring about your image." "I do not! but an employee shouting about his sexual exploits with me--no!" "That is zero tolerance!" "House." "I am angry." "I was wondering if we should move in together." "You're fired." "I wouldn't worry about it." "I think she likes you." "I think that probably means" "I don't have to see patients." "I'm here as a squeaky wheel." "I know how you doctors are." "you get distracted." "My lab results could be sitting in your in-box." "I don't need your labs." "You have acid reflux." "how could you" "Acid splashes on the vocal chords." "make that squawking sound." "It's completely harmless. and you are gonna go away." "You are a great doctor." "Ha." "Why'd you move your belt?" "I always move my belt." "Makes me sore." "You didn't tell me that." "what isn't sore?" "Soreness is less important than squawking." "It's the squawking that was bothering my wife." "That's not a potbelly." "It's a tumor." "That's why pancreatic cancer was on my mind." "My brain was trying to tell me." "This isn't sounding good." "Pancreatic cancer?" "It can cause acid reflux." "We should scope you." "So it's not good." "Even for cancer it's not good." "it's not." "The deodorant has a high proportion of propylene glycol." "Same stuff made a kid in Singapore and--get this--seizures." "Our patient may never have needed split-brain surgery." "I'm sure he will half-appreciate the irony." "Take this man to radiology." "Pancreatic scan." "And stay with him." "Eugene Schwartz." "just say it quickly." "Do you have more than one lipstick in the same shade?" "Maybe one that has a sealing agent and one that doesn't?" "How could that possibly be relevant to anything?" "You really don't think you're just... overreacting to the other night?" "Fine." "I am overreacting." "You've said plenty of lousy things to me before." "But... reaching the final straw has been a good thing because it made me realize we never could." "You--you're-- you've been overreacting... to something I said?" "You insulted me." "I walked out." "It's nothing that hasn't happened a hundred times before." "I quit." "Great. so..." "you're a week off." "You can go suckle the little bastard child if it makes you feel good about yourself." "Screw you." "that-- that's not what happened." "I told you that I needed you." "You--you helped me." "Are you okay?" "Are you okay?" "So...this is the story you made up about who you are." "It's a nice one." "Too bad it isn't true." "No." "I'm not okay." "# it is the evening of the day #" "# I sit and watch the children play # # smiling faces I can see # # but not for me #" "# I sit and watch as tears go by #" "# it is the evening of the day #" "# I sit and watch the children play # # doing things I used to do # # they think are new #" "# I sit and watch as tears go by # #" "0000"