""PLAYING"" "IF YOU ARE A WOMAN OVER 18 YEARS OLD," "LIVE IN RIO DE JANEIRO," "HAVE STORIES TO TELL" "AND WANT TO MAKE AN AUDITION" "FOR A DOCUMENTARY FILM," "CALL US" " Good afternoon." " Hi, Jackie!" " Sit down." " I'm sitting." "A few crazy things have been happening to me!" "How can I, a Black girl, with no proper education, suddenly become an actress?" "It 's crazy!" "I didn't even get the middle school!" "To be a good actress, you got to have a good head on your shoulders." "But the whole blast in the system is on TV." "I wanted to dance on Xuxa's show!" "Not a chance!" "I ain't got fair slim, blue eyes nor gorgeous hair!" "So I ain't going to be aPaquita." "I'm going into the theater." "But I didn't have a clue of what is to be an actress." "When I arrived home, I turned the TV on and there was a theater group called We on the Favela." "It was in Vidigal, right next to Gavea." "But I didn't really know where Vidigal was." "But I got this neighbor, see." " Who took you there." " Who took me there." "So, I went to the theater." "And I went to Guto Fraga's house, the director of the group." "I knocked on his door and told him" "I was crazy to become an actress." "He said it was for members of the community only." "I told him I wasn't part of the community, but I was dying to be an actress." "He said to come back in six months." "I thought: "6 months!" "That 's too long"." "He thought I wouldn't go back." "But I did." "When I got there..." "I remember it very clearly." "Guto was sitting there, where you are, and I said: "Here I am"." "Since the day he gave me that break," "I've been there... what... 1O years now!" "What struck you so much?" "In We on the Favela?" "I learned lots of things." "I learned how to be a person, how to be a woman, how to read!" "To read a passage, to perform, to perform!" "That 's what struck me most." "What are you doing in We on the Favela today?" "Today I'm doing" "The Last Straw, by Chico Buarque." " Who do you play?" " I play Joana." " Joana, the Medea of the play?" " Yes." "The main role." "She's strong." "That 's why I like Joana." "I lend her my strength." "She was betrayed and all that stuff." "And she kills her children." "Can you speak the line you say before killing the children?" ""Sweetheart, Mommy has something to say to you." "Snuggle up close to me because all three of us are going to a place that has sort of soft green fields." "There, there's a soccer game everyday, there's a candy shop and everyday is a birthday." "No one ever gets sad." "Nothing hurts there." "No one is ever lonely." "To Creon and Jason:" "For you I leave this funeral." "Because rather than die with this disgrace of suffering, it 's better to die a death through poisoning." "Eat a piece of cake." "Go on." "That 's it"." "Then, I leave and come back dead." "Have a seat, Gisele." " I'm out of breath!" " Sorry?" "I said I'm out of breath." "It 's the stairs." "My plans were to live abroad, study abroad," "I was waiting to turn 18 to try my luck outside Brazil." "My idea was to do one of these 6 months courses and come back with experience and English." "But I got pregnant and so, that put an end to that." "I wouldn't have the courage to have a baby in another country." "We dated for 2 years and were married for 6." "Why did you separated?" "Because I felt I wasn't really into the marriage." "I wanted more." "I wanted to study." "Go to university." "And I was interested in other people." "I couldn't really focus on the marriage." "I couldn't really focus on the marriage." "But then I thought it wasn't really fair." "We were both too young at the time." "And I had that feeling..." "I kept feeling like going out on the street and cruising." "But I didn't really think it would be a good idea." "Because I might end up betraying him in thoughts, or it might even go all the way." " Did you get married again?" " No, I didn't." "I had a relationship." "After that time, there were other boys, short-time relationships, 3 months, 6 months." "Then I began a really serious relationship, which got to me." "I stayed with him for 4 years." "This person really made his mark." "I think it was before him and after him." "We didn't actually live together." "We married on paper because in the course of this relationship," "I got pregnant." "I got pregnant with Victor, my baby." "Did you want to get pregnant?" "No, it wasn't planned." "It just happened." "But when I found out, I was over the moon." "My relationship with my baby was wonderful." "I felt so well and so happy." "My relationship with him went from bad to worse." "We were constantly on the edge." "We couldn't plan anything for the future." "We had to live day by day." "It all went back and forth all the time." "That 's why" "I'm sharing this with you." "That was the climax of what I have lived through up to now in my life history." "I was raised a Baptist." "But as time went on, I became a spiritist." "I began to take note of the signs." "Victor gave me a sign." "I only realized it after he'd bid farewell." "But he signaled." "He came through a dream I had." "A man dressed like a friar called me," ""Gisele", by my name." "I turned around towards the voice." "The person that was with me left and I came back." "I turned back towards the friar." "He came close, took my hand and told me he needed my help." ""I need your help." "Only you can help me"." "I agreed to help." "I nodded." "But it hurt a lot." "I felt a pain in the chest." "Something I had never felt before." "I agreed to help." "I nodded." "I was upset for a while, but got over it." "Two months later, I discovered I was pregnant." "So I believe in my interpretation that my consent was allowing him into me." "And the pregnancy went very well." "It was quite a different experience from the one" "I had with my daughter Thais." "I was much more mature and the maternal feelings began to flow." "It was very nice." "I was 42 weeks pregnant, which I believe is the maximum, isn't it?" "He stayed with me as long as he could." "He accompanied me and took part of my life." "When the 42 weeks were up, I went into labor." "Then all the jitters and the preparations." "Room ready, clothes washed and ironed..." "I wanted a normal birth, because it had been good for me first time round with my first born, Thais." "I was in labor for around 6 hours." "He was born, I took him in my arms, he was still cute awake." "It was then that something went wrong." "When they listened to his heart, they heard some kind of intestinal movement." "They thought it was odd, so they started making more exams, and discovered he had a hernia of the diaphragm." "During the vacuum of a normal birth, the intestine had passed through this hernia and his left lung wasn't inflating." "He had respiratory insufficiency." "It was all quite complicated, especially as it was so unexpected." "I felt a little betrayed." "After all, it all had been so perfect, planned down to the last detail, and then suddenly the whole thing runs amok." "He has this sudden physiological problem and disincarnates, so that I couldn't stay with him a little more." "It was as if they had stolen him from me." "I felt let down." "Everything had been so perfect." "I'd even planned his first birthday party." "I'd been dreaming about a very real situation and suddenly the bubble burst." "I felt desperate." "It really hurt." "I just couldn't get it." "I asked myself, "My God, why?" "Why?" "Why hadn't they discovered this before?" "Why hadn't they done the exams?" "Why did it have to be like that?" "Why?" "Why?"" "The pain became so overwhelming that, at one moment I asked God to show me why it had to be that way so I could understand and go on living." "Then I had another dream." "I was the mother of a baby boy..." " When was that?" " It was on the same day." "I had this dream the same night I buried him, on March 29." "I dreamed I was the mother of an 11 year-old boy, and I was about to pick him up at a clinic." "He had several medical conditions." "Then up comes this doctor." "I believe she was a doctor." "She was dressed in white." "She handed the child over to the mother and said," ""Mother, you can go, your son has been discharged"." "So..." "There was all that suffering and heartbreak..." "There was no conversation at all." "Just feelings." "Then I understood... that his farewell was for the best." "He would have suffered all his life and so would I." "I would have no support from a companion." "The week after the baby disincarnated, he told me it was no use." "The baby's father." "He said, "It 's no use." "We can't get along." "I think it 's better we call it off"." "I still had milk, and was resting." "So, imagine, if he had lived, with cerebral paralysis..." "with no money coming in." "I mean, God looked down at us both." " How long ago was that?" " Three years." "The child's father didn't want to know." "The week after he disincarnated, my relationship was over." "I still had milk, and was resting." "And the baby's father said it was no use." "He said: "It 's no use." "We can't get along." "I think it 's better we call it off"." "But I learned a lot." "I think I learned something." "Today I can cope with love in a very different way." " We both help each other." " What 'both'?" "We two, I mean, my son and I." "Because for me he's still alive." "Somewhere." "Sorry." "I have today a boyfriend." "He's a really good friend." "He treats me so well." "I don't recall ever having a boyfriend like this." "He is my best friend and he wants to have kids." "He hasn't got any, but he wants to have three." "I've got him down to two!" "I'm going to try." "I'd have another child with pleasure." "I wouldn't be frightened, because each experience is different." "My story with Victor was very special and I shall be his mother forever." "It 's so hard for me when people ask..." "Thais is 14, nearly a young woman." "People ask if she's the only one and I say: "Just the one"." "But that hurts 'cause I feel I'm the mother of both of them." "Victor didn't leave me with any scars." "As, "If I had another child, it 'd be the same thing." "I'll lose him and everything will go wrong"." "No." "My story with Victor was ours and it was lived as it had to be lived." "What did you feelwhen you prepared... and now..." "I didn't prepare myself to cry, because" "I didn't want to cry." "I didn't want to." "But I can't bear it!" "I really don't know what I felt." "I tried to say the lines as faithfully as I could, without aggressión, or criticism, or imitation." "Have you tried with serenity?" "I tried hard for the serenity." "It was a real battle!" "I can't stand it." "Every time I went to learn the lines, I..." "If I had prepared myself to cry as an actress," "I wouldn't have felt so uncomfortable." "I thought: "I'm not going to manage this!"." "There was a moment when I thought:" ""Shall I stop and ask to start over?"." "I felt it was overemotional, it could turn out to be a tearjoker." "It would take a lot of rehearsals in a theater to say the lines coolly." "Not that I think she says them coldly." "But rather stoically, with serenity..." "I would need a good deal of preparation." "Every time I did it more or less mechanically, it would come out passable." "When I did it with serenity, like her, I had problems." "When I'd get to "My baby, Victor."" "Dammit!" "I think it must be because I'm not religious." "For me when you're dead, you're dead." "I think it helps when you have a religion." "It really helps to have faith, because she believes her son is alive somewhere." "I know so many people who I wish were still somewhere, so many!" "Nilza, are you from a poor family?" "I'm from Teofilo Ottoni, in the State of Minas Gerais." "My family was poor." "The poorest of the poor." "I had to leave home very early." "I've had to look after myself since I was 8." "I was a nanny." "I worked because the missus would buy the things I needed for school." "Even so, I never got to study very hard." "I learned very little." "I can only sign my name." "But anyway, I got by." "People say I give classes!" "So I went to Sâo Paulo." "I got a job." "I caught a bus, but I didn't know my way round the city." "When I asked the driver where Jardim Paulista was, he said: "We've passed it"." "Since I had that day off I went to the end of the line." "I went up to the bus inspector and started up a conversation." "He looked at me and said:" ""What 's a pretty brunette like you doing here all alone?"" "And I said:" ""Not only am I alone, I'm also lost"." "He looked at me and said:" ""Just as well I came along"." "We talked for a bit, he walked me to the bus stop and said:" ""Nilza, I know where you live." "If you wait till I get off, I'll take you home"." "I said "Ok"." "So I stayed with him." "This was in the Cathedral Square, in Sâo Paulo downtown." "I don't know how, but we had it off real quick and I went back home." "Where?" "Is Sâo Paulo downtown." "In the Cathedral Square, in the bus shelter." "Don't ask me how we managed it." "I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't anything." "I felt as if I hadn't really done anything." "I went back there the next week, because I thought he was a nice guy and all..." "But there was some other official in his place." "I told him I was expecting Mauricio to be there." "He said Mauricio really had been there, and he just moved to Jabaquara." "I said: "How do I go to Jabaquara?"" "He said:" ""You take the subway there and get out at Jabaquara, he'll be there"." "I don't know how to read and on the subway, you can't see where you are, so I said:" ""That 's no good for me"." " Was he a freelancer?" " Yes, that 's it." "But I didn't give up." "I said: "It 's been a while." "Let 's see if I have better luck this time"." "I got myself all clothed up." "I got to the Cathedral Square." "People stared at me because they think I'm a bit odd." "They say:" ""That one's got a screw lose"." "I leant against the bus-stop and passed out." "The result?" "A boy was driving past and said:" ""I'll take you to a hospital." I said: "Ok"." "So we went to the hospital and he asked me:" ""Nilza, are you pregnant?"" "I didn't know what a test-tube baby was." "I said: "Pregnant?" "Me?" "I haven't done anything." "Unless it 's a test-tube baby!"" "For me, I hadn't done anything." "I thought to get pregnant I had to do it several times." "Well, after that..." "I was in no mood to look for him again." "I thought he was gonna think I'm out of my mind." "He is not gonna believe in my story." "I decided to have my daughter on my own." "And by the day the baby came," "I don't think I'd ever worked too hard in my life." "I'd got to work and get the kids and go and play, work until, suddenly," " I felt that colic." " Were you a nanny?" "Yes." "What's your relationship with your daughter like?" "My daughter is my life." "She is all I have and I don't have much." "She knows I work for her." "My boss said she'd help me, but ended up backing out." "So I ended up looking after a sick elderly lady." "She kept saying:" ""Nilza, bring your daughter and I'll help you look after her"." "I said: "No." "You need me." "How are you gonna look after her?"." "But she said:" ""Bring your daughter and I help you to look after her"." "They look after my daughter till today." "Since she was 8 months old." "Where do you live?" "I live in Rio, my daughter lives in Petropolis." "We see each other every 15 days." "Do you both get along?" "Great!" "Wonderful." "She's so damn pretty!" "I thought she'd have real problems over the quickie in the shelter!" "I thought, for a child to be perfect, had to have that relation several times." "And she was just that one." "I closed the lid, so to speak." "I said, "My Goodness!" "If I got one baby out of five minutes, how many would I get out of an hour?" "Two, three?"" "Any serious relationship?" "I never got serious again." "People think that just because you dress like that, you're an easy woman." "The type men take to the motel." "I don't think that has anything to do with it." "My friends respect me and I don't give a fuck about what the others think." "I go to work like this." "Well actually, I wear a uniform." "But I make it quite clear:" ""Look, I like to wear short skirts." "Do you accept that?" "You do?" "Great!" "The fewer clothes, the better!"." "I love myself a lot." "I adore myself so much that I don't get myself all worked up over love." "I love myself above all things." "I woke up this morning and the weather was so." "And I said: "St. Peter, I'd like to look my best for the filming, very extravagant!" "Can you change the weather?"" "And St. Peter opened the sky with a shining sun!" "So, one must thank God." "There are people who spend all day in the street..." "I use to ask people:" ""Have you looked up at the sky this morning?"" ""No?" "I don't believe!"" "There are people who spend all day in the street and don't look up at the sky!" "That 's what she said." "I wanted to have kids." "I did get pregnant, but I lost it, which is normal after 6 weeks." "I was scared." "I kept thinking:" ""Am I going to have problems when my time comes?" "Am I going to have problems getting pregnant again?"" "I felt rather ashamed to go and lose the baby." "A crazy feeling." "I felt really terrible." "My aunt was a Yalorisha." "Auntie Aurinha, my mother's sister." "I said:" ""I'd like to go to a place like Tinguá, where my aunt has her Terreiro." "She would always give us some seeds" "But I had never been in her Terreiro, where they carried out the rituals." "So I called her and said:" ""Auntie, I think I'd like to go to Tinguá"." "I didn't even know what was Tinguá." "She'd get dressed all in white, put on a record of hymns to Yansan and spend all day in regal splendor there." "The day went by, we talked, and I watched her arrange the offerings." "Then I began to realize that animals might be being killed." "I began to get scared." "My Aunt looked at me and said:" ""Nanda, you asked to come." "Now we have to do it"." "I went into an enclosed room, the camarinha, which is a crazy place." "I had a discharge of energy." "You had to sleep in that cell with the offers." "On the floor!" "There were rats, it was awful!" "I slept there and next morning," "I woke up I saw my aunt all dressed in white." "The assistant helped me out and then I saw a cage with a dove in it." "I was upset as I thought my aunt was going to kill it." "I said: "Oh my God!" "She's gonna kill the dove!"" "When I came out the cell, she was all dressed in white." "She turned to me and said:" ""It 's horrible in there, isn't it?"" "I said: "Yes, it 's horrible, Auntie."" "She said:" ""There is death in there and you have to get out of there." "Come here." Then she picked up the dove," "I followed her outside and said:" ""Auntie, are you going to kill the dove?"" "She turned to me and said:" ""This dove is you!" "I'm going to let you go!"" "She let the dove flutter into the air and I understood what Candomblé was." "It is Freud in practice." "She cured my melancholy, just like that." "She cured the morbidity of wanting to stay." "She gave names to everything." "The cell was death." "The dove was me." "I got pregnant a month later." "My Aunt died soon after that." "And I feel so... so very proud to have gone there." " How are you, Sarita?" " Fine and you?" " I'm Ok." " That 's nice." "My original name is Greek." "Houli means black bile." "My surname is Greek vernacular." "Does it mean anything?" "I mean, the vernacular." "Greek." "Houli means black bile." "Bile, the stuff in the gall bladder." "And that has to do with humors?" "In ancient times, what we knew about medicine was the humors:" "Phlegm, iré, cholera." "Cholera comes from bile." "My grandfather spoke Turkish." " Was he a religious Jew?" " Yes, a Jew." "My father and grandfather were orthodox Jews." "He came here with two or three brothers." " Why did he came here?" " Looking for a better life." "If Greece and Turkey were at war, the Jews were massacred." "They were scapegoats." "Much to his bad luck, his son married a Catholic, my mother, who is Pederneiras." "Another pretty heavy family." "My grandfather was extremely anti-Semitic." "He was a diplomat." "It was hard." "My mother converted to Judaism." "She was a very intelligent woman." "My Grandfather was a diplomat." "He served in Europe." "What did your father do?" "Doctor and teacher." "I'm explosive, but I'm quite nice." "Do you cry easily?" "Yes, very." "You talked about a film, 'Searching for Nemo'." "I like this film." "Thinking about it almost makes me cry." " You don't like the film?" " No, I've never seen it." "You don't like American things, do you?" " You're a bit communist." " No, I smoke too much." "You smoke?" "What's the film about?" "Ah, it 's fantastic!" "It 's a fantastic story about the love relationship between a father and son." "I'm generous." "I don't dodge at the last minute." " Do you cry easily?" " Yes, very." "I lose my temper easily too." "Tell me about a film you've seen which made you cry." "Ah, the story of Nemo." "I cry and cry." "The story is about a relationship between a father and son." " You've never seen Nemo?" " No." "You're prejudiced!" "You don't like Americans!" "Nemo is a beautiful, entrancing story." "A father and a son live at the bottom of the sea." "The son gets angry cause the father says:" ""Don't go there, it 's dangerous!"" "And he goes off and defies his father." "He was just a boy." "The scenery is wonderful." "It 's all beautifully made." "He plays around and gets himself caught." "He ends up in an aquarium, in Australia." "His father gets desperate and sets out after him." "Oh, dear!" "I'm going to cry!" "Well, he sets out after him and meets this madwoman on the way." "She loses her memory instantly." "She's got a kind of Alzheimer's." ""Where are you going?" "Who are you?"" "5 minutes later, she's forgotten it all." "Then they go to Australia to search for Nemo." "They arrive in Australia helped by the sharks and go from one scrape to another, just like in life." "Oh, dear!" "I have to stop crying!" " It's normal." " I don't care anyway!" "Crying is normal." "But me crying and you laughing is a bit weird." " The story's like that." " How does it end?" "It ends when the father finds his son again." "A father and son relationship is pretty complicated." "It 's very subtle in the film." "I don't know if people notice." "It must all go down into the subconscious." "I suppose that 's what happens." "I'm not sure." "He finds his son and the son is repentant:" ""Oh, father, I should never have done any of that"." "Why exactly does the film move you so much?" "Because..." "I have some trouble with my daughter." "I have trouble relating to her." "It breaks me up." "Because..." "I think she broke one by one links that she should not have broken." "I really think I'm here because I want to reconnect these links if it 's the last thing I ever do!" "Tell me how it started." "My daughter is a very chic Brazilian girl!" "I married an American in 1973." "I was very young." " What did he do?" " He was an attorney." "He gave English classes here but it didn't work out." "We were constantly moving:" "New York, Rio, New York..." "I wanted a divorce." "I did my last year of university in New York." "I brought this child alone." "My father was bed-ridden too." " My mother..." " Your fatherwas sick too?" "Yes." "He was 6 feet tall, worked from 7 to 7." "He was a work incarnate!" "He was a brilliant humanist and a marvelous man, who became a butterfly." "My husband said he became an eggplant!" "It took him five years thinning, to die in bed." " Sclerosis?" " No." "A stroke." "My father was a great 6 feet tall lumbering Turk, who used to arrive home singing Carnival songs." "But he'd arrive home and want service." "He was the head of the household." "And his wife had to serve him too." "But it was all really a bit fun." "He was a great man, a true humanist." "He absolutely doted on my daughter." "She used to sit between him and my mother." "I think my father's passión saved me in life." "My father was crazy about his children, about his brothers and sisters..." "It helped us a lot and still helps me." "When I get angry, I think:" ""But I had my father." "I took care of my father." "My life was wonderful"." "My father and mother were a wonderful team, a strong team." "When my father died, I sent my little girl away." "She's still in the US." "She's multimillionaire." "For how long?" "She went when she was 19." "She's 27 now." "And when did you feel you were losing touch with her?" "I won't tell you that story." "It 's far too painful." "No, that 's Ok, I'll tell it." "She's fine there." "She has her own car and here I am, scrimping and saving to make ends meet." "I love America." "I'd like to live there." "I'd like to live there with her." "Once I asked her if I could borrow her car, but she wouldn't lend it to me." "I was absolutely furious and slapped her face." "That 's pretty normal for me though." "My father was passionate about everybody, but if anything wasn't to his liking, you soon feel the bock of his hand!" "I got boxed round the ears more than most 'cause I was the naughtiest." "But it never bothered me." "I always thought that was the way it was." "That love always lasted, even when you got hit as a kid." "Now that episode when I slapped my daughter, she called the police on me." "So there was a spark of love there, like a link that could never be broken, because it 's the filial liaison." "And then it broke." "The only real goal" "I have in life is to retrieve this link." "If it 's the last thing I do." "Have you tried to reconcile?" "I try to make contact every so often." "I went there three times." "Two times I returned earlier." "I feel like slapping her and have to come back." "When I meet her, she's very affectionate and that puts me off." " Really?" " It 's too much." "We don't put our arms around each other, but she'll cuddle up to me like when she was a child." "It drives me crazy." "She's mad." "Now she's presumptuous." "We have a meeting in a restaurant and she says:" ""Is it an exigency?"" "I don't answer back." "You learn with age." "She was still tiny when I divorced my ex-husband and I moved with her to a very chic apartment just off Ipanema Beach." "She had her own room." "I insisted on that modern psychology and whatever." "She had her own room, but refused to be in there." "She slept with me." "We both slept together in my room." "She slept with me for 16, 17 years." "I even mentioned to her that she kept kicking me, just like her father did." "Her father's very tall and so am I." "Sarita, are you a rheumatologist?" "Yes, sir." " Are you a good one?" " I used to be." "Are you retired?" "Yes, kind of." "Because of my disease." "I take corticoid since I became sick." " Which disease?" " It 's auto-immune hepatitis." "It saved my life, and my patients' life, as well." " Do you always take corticoid?" " Always, and with love." "You need it, don't you?" "It or the cemetery, which you prefer?" "You said you didn't like people anymore..." "After all the tragedies I faced in my life." "I don't believe in God, nothing!" "If I say that on the film, it will be weird." "But I don't believe!" "So, it 's useless." " You don't pray." " No, no, I don't." "My mother had superstitions." "But, when you do therapy, it 's a bit weird." "It 's better to look inside and search for our own strength." "Everythingwas very pent-up, there was a moment that was more dense." "Tell me about it." "When I talked about her daughter," "I thought about my daughter and became a bit teary, like right now." "Because I think of my daughter." "It 's your daughter, your continuity." "The emotive memory brings out her pretty face." "When we met" "I told you the real tears are those people use to hide." "People usually try to hold then back." "Are you talking about people in general?" "In front of a camera." "When they go to analysis, I don't know." "When the feeling is painful and real, the person always tries to hide the tears." "And the actors, principally those of today, always try to reveal the tears." "Are you talking about TV, or about theater actors as well?" "I think it comes over more clearly on the screen, especially TV actors, where the tears are generally more..." "They're welcome." "Everybody wants the tears, so modern actors are always trying to cry." "While you had that moment of emotion with your daughter," " as you were an actress..." " I tried to hold back." "I tried to, because I think it has more emotional impact when you want to hide the emotion." "Ah, know what I put here?" " A pacemaker?" " God forbid!" "A pacemaker!" "A Japanese crystal." "You rub a little near your eyes and the tears roll." "I only brought it to show you." "I said: "If Coutinho really wants me to cry," "I'll just use this." "Like this"." "So, if you asked me and I couldn't cry," ""Marilia, I want you to show copious tears."" "Not that you forced me, but if you really wanted." "So then, I could do it like that." "We've never seen each other before." "No." "I know you more than you know me." " But will you remain calm?" " I'm quite calm." "My marriage lasted 24 years." " Who wanted the separation?" " He did." "He said he was going to start enjoying his life, with neither me nor the children." "We managed to get a reasonable sum of money together." "But he said he wanted to start having a good time and didn't want to take me or the children." "So he left us." "The children and I started a new life." "My son would get up at 4 in the morning." "My son would wake up early to go to work." "My daughter left a little later." "But we'd all wake up to have breakfast together." "My son would leave to go to work, and my daughter would leave soon after." "And I'd stay home cooking, doing housework..." "We'd plan parties." "I've always been a party lover." "We enjoyed celebrating so much, that we all had two birthdays a year." "On March 5th, my son's godmother felt ill and had to be admitted to a hospital." "Someone had to stay with her." "So I went." "At night, the father of my children and his brothers came to relieve me." "It seemed strange to have everyone all together there." "They said:" ""We came to take you home."" "So I asked why everybody had had to come." "Everyone was there except my son and daughter." "Then I began to get suspicious and very nervous." "Then they told me that my son... had suffered an accident and was in the hospital." "I asked: "What accident?"" "I didn't understand a thing." "And I asked then how he was." "They said he was ok." "But I didn't trust then." "My son is in the hospital, and my daughter isn't here..." "Then they told me that my son... had reacted to a robbery" "and he had been killed." "It was the worst time of my life." "I was out of my mind." "I couldn't understand why God had done that to me." ""Oh God!" "Bring my son back to life!" "Please revive him!"" "But he didn't come back to life." "Then I fell into a deep depressión." "I couldn't sleep." "I started taking sleeping pills." "I couldn't sleep." "I sat by a window until the 7th day Mass." "Day and night." "My daughter never left my side." "She took care of me." "She bathed me..." "She stayed with me the whole time." "We rented an apartment and stayed for 8 months there." "I didn't have the courage to go back home." "One day, she said, "Mom, we're here all alone." "Let 's go back home"." "I wasn't sure if I could make it, but we tried." "It was very hard to go back home without him being there." "We had left a few things in the refrigerator." "Onions, garlic..." "Everything sprouted!" "When we opened the fridge it looked like a special sprouted garden." "So we started cleaning everything up and moving things around." "But I never managed to go into my son's room." "Five years later, I dreamed about my son." "I dreamed I was somewhere like" "Santa Casa, the hospital." "It has never-ending corridors." "I dreamed that my son was at the end of one." "He looked so handsome." "He was wearing a blue cloak." "Swimming-pool blue." "He came running towards me, saying:" ""Mother!" "Today I graduated!" "I became an ángel!"" "I was trying to touch him, and he leant his cheek against mine." "He had something in his head." "He said, "Don't be sad, mom." "Today I was crowned!" "I've become an ángel!"" "I leant my cheek against his and said:" ""Why don't you come back?"" "He said: "I can't go back, but I'm fine." "Stop being sad because of me, mother"." "I woke up and told my daughter:" ""I've just had a dream about my son"." "She said: "How nice!" And I said:" ""From now on, we'll start opening the window." "So we can start our lives over"." "That 's when I opened the home, and I started moving things around." "And I cleared out his room." "Today I live a quite normal life." "My daughter is happy, working, engaged." "For 5 years she didn't date anybody." "She stayed at home taking care of me." "Now she has a boyfriend and got engaged." "Now it 's my turn to take care of her." "I do anything for my daughter." "During the test, you said:" "'God is good, but He is bad to me'." "Because He was bad to me." "Now He is rewarding me with my daughter." "But I'm not totally convinced about it." "I want to know why He took away my son." "We went through hard times, but I don't blame my father or my mother for that." "They can watch this film afterwards, my mother or my father..." "They might feel awkward." "But I had to go through it, it gave me strength to be what I am today." "Having nothing to eat and foraging in the street markets." " You have a group." " Yes, a Rap group." "I identify with it." "I like "rap"." "It 's a way I found of expressing myself in a non-violent way, so we can also express in a musical way." "The band is kind of coming together right now." "Have you got a 'rap' you could sing to us?" "I got one of my own." "I'll have to sing it cold, because the base is missing and that 's what gives it the heart and makes you move." "But I can do the pretending stuff." "So do it." "If there anyone who does abeatbox." " What does it mean?" " Abeatbox is." "Right!" "With beatbox and everything!" "I can't do the beatbox and sing at the same time." " May I sing for you?" " Yes." "Go, go, go, go." "Jaqueline Ferreira Gonçalves black with hype hair whose dream was to dance on TV what an illusión, oh!" "No white skin, no blue eyes, no blond hair" "Even so I kept on struggling 42 Arnando Quintela Street, what a dump" "In my childhood I used to play housewife" "I used to jump the schoolwalls" "I used to sellwater in the cemetery" "I, Jackie Brown, had my own crazy style into funk, mini-skirt and afro-hair even though lwas discriminated now in 20O6 I'm at the top" "I grew up, I survived, I'm 27" "I got dreadlocks they call me Jackie!" "Do you feel any discrimination because of your girlfriend?" "Kind of." "But what 's important is the way you take it." "I am lesbian, but I am normal." "If she were here in the theater, and I wanted to kiss her, I would, because I see no problem in this." "Everybody knows I'm gay and respects us as we were a common couple." "As a man and a woman." "They respect us perfectly." "I feel it, when they say:" "'HiJackie, how are you?" "'" "I feel I built that respect." "There are some jokes like:" ""Hi, man!"." "And I say: "I am a girl!" "Not a man!" "Get back!"" "So people began to respect me." " Is it here?" " Yes." " How are you?" " I'm fine." "How many brothers were you?" "We are four, I'm the only girl." "What about your life?" "My father worked and my mother was a seamstress." "She would sew for the neighbors." "My father didn't like it." "He'd prefer her to be a housewife." "And they both brought you up?" "Yes, they both." "But at a certain moment, my father fell in love with an 18 years-old girl and left the family, but only for one year." "He discovered she betrayed him with the neighbors." "So he asked forgiveness to my mother and came back home." "Your fatherwent on and came back?" "Yes." "And when he came back, she became pregnant." "They came back nicely to their normal life." "Didn't you become shocked with that?" "Oh, yes." "During that time he went to my grandmother's house, who's passed away now, and she called me and asked me:" ""Ask for your father's blessing!"" "I said to her, with all my resentment:" ""I will never ask him for his blessings again!"" "Since that day I've never asked for his blessings." "He died with his hand lifted, hard in the coffin, as if he wanted me to ask him for his blessings." "I made a promise to myself and took it to the end." "He was always my partner." "I had two husbands, but the one who helped me to have some comfort was my father." "Because my two husbands were useless." "They even took off from me." " What about your marriage?" " Terrible!" " Why?" " Well, everything was bad." "He would, since the beginning, leave me alone at home." "His mother would say:" ""Don't stay at home!"" ""But Cesar doesn't want me to, Dona Estela!"" ""Go after him!" "Don't leave him alone!"" "Sometimes I forced it and he became furious." "He pushed me by my blouse." "Once he tore my clothes." "The marriage wasn't good, for jealousy orotherthings?" "Other things also happened." "He did something that my father discovered." "He had a relationship with another person, which he assumed later, but he kept saying he liked me." "When he told me the truth that broke me into pieces." " And what was the truth?" " His truth?" "He liked..." "He had an affair with a man." "It hurt me a lot." "When he told you, what did you do?" "I left him in the same day!" "How old are you children?" "My son is 26 and my daughter is 24." "I have a grandchild of 7, beautiful!" " How it was to give birth?" " It 's terrible!" "It 's good after you see that beautiful baby." " Men are jealous about that!" " That's why I'm asking." "I'd like men to give birth, to have varices, milk, you know... dripping from the breast." "I'd like them to have that huge belly..." "I'd like to see the day men become mother." ""Fother" they should be "fother" to be ok." "Maybe it happens in reincarnation." "I think when a baby is born, God says:" ""An ángel will look after you on Earth"" ""Who's going to look after me there?"" ""The ángel is going to be your mother"." "It 's not father, it must be mother, anyway!" "Did you have depressión?" "Yes." "I had depressión, I went to a psychologist." "It was him who released me from the quarantine." "Because I started hating sex." "And I used to be a very hot wife during my marriage." "I loved sex, it was like food for me!" "Yes, with my husband." "But when we separated, I became fed up about men." "When they flirted with me I became furious!" "But then, what happened?" "I dated my psychologist!" "He fell in love with me." "I really don't know if so." "He wanted to be my psychologist until the very top of it." "He would say:" ""You can't lose that beautiful thing in you." "You love people, and here everybody loves you"." "It was group therapy." "Such crazy stories!" "I used to say: "Oh my God!" "My story is so simple!" "I shouldn't be here!"" "Then he said to me:" ""Let 's drink some wine!"" "After the wine I went to his apartment and got out of the quarantine!" "What do you do for living?" "I design eyebrows." "I work for people who need chemotherapy and radiotherapy, they lose hair." "I design it, dye with henna, because it 's not aggressive." " Henna." " What's this?" "Henna was an ink Cleopatra used to enchant Julius Caesar." "Where did you learn that?" "In a course at Arte Finale Technical Center." "And the men, are they overor not?" "It 's very difficult." "Very hard!" "There are no men in the market." "Do you go out?" "Me and a bunch of women, searching for men!" "We say when we take the cars:" ""Men, run, the desperate women are arriving!"" "Those we can see, are engaged, or have an affair, or like other men!" "They even ask us for some help!" " It's bad forwomen." " Women are lost." "It 's terrible." "We have to grab men like paper in the wind." "Hold fast not letting anybody see." "Oh, it never ends!" "What a crowd!" "Hi." "Such a crowd." "No one has said this phrase yet." "Hi." "Oh my!" "What a crowd!" "You've begun exactly like her." " That 's not right?" " That's fine." "She was amazed about so many people hearing her." "How are you, fine?" "It 's a lie, isn't it?" "Telling is not a problem for me, following is." "To follow a drift." "And if I ask, would it be better?" "During the audition I was disturbed." "Later, I thought:" ""I told nothing, just parts of stories, but..."" "What about the continuity?" "Ok." "I think my behavior is not-assertive." "I think I'm not an assertive person, who doesn't stand his own opinions to convicted people." "A non-assertive person." "It 's my tendency." "I've been fighting against that." "Then I..." "When I turned... when I turned 18 years-old..." "It 's crazy, man!" "A madness!" "When I..." "When I turned 18 years-old," "I decided to live with my father." "My parents separated when my mother was hospitalized." "These medicines make people..." "Ten minutes later, they become..." "I don't know..." "without expressión." "With saliva in the corners of the mouth." "It was horrible." "I was 11, when it happened." "Eleven years-old." "Madness!" "It 's so funny, folks." "Let 's start again." "I am..." "I'd like some water." "It 's funny, isn't it?" "It seems that I'm lying to you." "Why do you think that?" "I didn't have this sensation when I prepared it." "Funny, isn't it?" "Do you think that..." "It 's so funny." "Do you think you're too close to the real Aleta?" "Where does it come from?" "I don't know." "It 's delicate." "I can't apart her speech from herself." "I simply can't!" "I was speaking while you were looking at me and I felt my memory was slower than hers." "It seems the text comes before I notice it." "Every time I made it at home, it didn't happen." "So I don't know if I shall make it slower." "But it 's not mimetic." "What helped me to reach her, was her mystery." "She speaks a terrible thing smiling to you." "As a comic relief." "But it 's also her own essence." "And sometimes it 's difficult." "I became ashamed of you." "It 's funny, you know." " You, an actress?" " Acting is embarrassing." "And here, there is all the audition scenery." "I have never used birth control pills." ""I'm not going to take pills daily..." "I have no temper for that." "I prefer injections", which seemed to me something stronger." "Then it didn't work, so I have a daughter." "But it was super ignorant, because an injection," "I should have waited one month for it to work." "One month." "Then I was very hurried." "Oh my God!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "What a silly thing, silly thing!" "If I became furious?" "No, because..." "Madness, folks, madness!" "Oh, my!" "It 's so hard!" "It 's crazy." "What a hate!" "Such madness, Coutinho!" "Say it." "I have a brother." "He's one year and 9 moths younger than me." "Thales." "Thales and Aleta." "Aleta it 's because my father used to read" "Hal Foster's comics, the creator of Tarzan, and so, and Aleta..." "There was a tale about Prince Valiant, that 's it!" "Aleta was Prince Valiant 's girlfriend." "It 's a beautiful Celtic tale." "Aleta was the Queen of the Brumal Islands." "It 's a nice tale." "Aleta is a kind of a feminist of the time." "She used to walk around with a dagger between her breasts." "Aleta comes from Aletea, you know?" "Actually it 's the truth, signifying revelation." "My father preferred history of art." "So everything became one at my home," "I used to read about all." ""The Golden Book of Mythology"," "Clarice Lispector." "I read them all." " When was it?" " I was 14, 15." " When did you get pregnant?" " When I was 18." "I had never had a boyfriend." "My ex-husband was the first." "I enjoyed the nightlife." "I used to be a bohemian." "I used to go out, to have fun, to meet different people, to talk..." "I liked my ex-husband." "But we were very different." "It 's the worst thing, that saying: "Opposites attract" it 's a fucking lie!" "I started to fade out myself." "I don't blame him." "I think it 's my non-assertive behavior." "When I was 18 I decided to live with my father." "My parents separated when my mother was hospitalized." "After she was hospitalized, she cut relations with the whole family." " What exactly?" " Bipolar disorder." "My grandmother had been hospitalized as well." "These medicines which turn the patient so latent." "They are useless, they only make you sleep." "Not the electroshocks, but the medicines." "My grandmother was treated with electroshocks, but my mother took medicines." "In ten minutes she would lose her expressión." "She would have saliva in the corners of the mouth." "How old were you that time?" "11 years-old." "It was horrible." "I couldn't see a way out for that." "Oh, my God!" "Such ignorance!" "Such ignorance!" "And I thought I was smart." "I didn't take birth control pills." ""I'm not going to take pills daily..." "I have no patience for that!" "I prefer injections!"" "Which seemed stronger, for me." "But it didn't work." "It didn't, so I have my daughter now." "But..." "I was such an ignorant!" "My God, super ignorance!" "Because I had to wait for one month, you know?" "I had to wait for one month to make it work." "I didn't wait!" "I was very hurried!" "Shit!" "What a shit!" "I made the piss test." "And it was negative." "I didn't want to piss in the little glass but I did." "I put the thing and "How should it be?"" "It was negative." "I was bursting into happiness." "You make those promises:" ""I won't have sex again"." "Then I didn't get my period." "Then I said:" ""Let 's do the blood test"." "Them I made it." "Even the money was difficult." "My father will find out after watching this film." "He used to have a little coffer." "What a shame!" "When he arrived from work, he put the coins there." "Maybe he thinks till today it was the maid!" "Then I started to take coins, to make the test." "Then I made the test, and it was positive." "My world fell down!" "I cried, I screamed..." "Such a hell!" " Did you tell the guy?" " He was with me!" "He stood by my side." "Then I made the ultrasound and she was... five months already." "Nothing to do!" "Nothing even to think about." "How long lasted the marriage?" " Until three months ago." " So, the total, two years?" "Four months of pregnancy plus... my daughter is one year-old..." "About 2years." "After I got married..." "I count with my fingers, how many times I went out to have fun." "I used to go the doctor, to my aunt 's house..." "My social life became kid's birthday parties." "I became an old woman." "I'd like to say that in the test." "About how chaotic is to be a mother." "To be 2O years-old." "To be a woman, alone, single and... in a family of machos." "With no money." "It 's very hard." "I really like my daughter, but it 's difficult to deal with that." "There is my college." "And I have my daughter." "I have my dreams." "Aventureiro, Ilha Grande, Trindade," "Macchu Picchu, you know..." "Shit!" "Macchu Picchu!" "I want to live it all!" "And since she was born, all my dreams have been destroyed." "It 's a kind of real stuff, a cold stuff, as if I were to study and work at the same time." "To think in the future." "But, I don't want it." "I don't want to be a public employee." "I don't to work 11 months and live my life for just one." "In order to buy a beach house at the end." "Until today, I cry at night." ""Oh, my God, if I were free, with a job as I got now," "I could be living alone, having fun, traveling." "But then I stop and think:" ""Shit!" "This problem I'm living now is a small one, inside many other good things"." "Before her I wouldn't have reach this problem." "I wouldn't have the good things I have now." "Everything I've conquered was after she arrived." "It has given me strength and objective." "I would be till now living as a lost person." "Maybe not." "But I prefer to believe that." "I went to Paraty with her!" "And I want to be able to do anything I want to, but it must be with her." "Have you thought about adding something from the full material?" "Look, it was crazy, because I've never seen the edited material." "I didn't want to see it." "I could have asked for, but I thought..." "Like I said:" "She had so much memory, when she talked about something." "She had so many stories, like anyone else." "I thought the full material was my own memory." "With a fictitious character, if you reach a mediocre level, you can stay on him." "He is what you can do." "With a real character, the reality scrubs on your face where you could be but didn't get there." "There is someone ready up to you." "And the other times, doing fiction, constructing an inexistent character, you reach the level of reality that the character really exists." "You said:'lwas born to be an actress!" "'" "Isn't it pretentious?" "I think I am, but I still have a lot to learn." "I intend to study for the rest of my life." "It 's like when people say:" ""Born to be"." "What do your parents do?" "My mother is a chemist, and my father a biologist." "Do they live togetheror not?" "My father has passed away." "I think it was four years ago." "Four years this year." "I liked my father, but one day we had a fight." "I was very little." "I was 11, 12 years old." "I can't remember." "We were at a party, and we had a discord." "He had a heart attack on that day." "He went to the hospital feeling bad and I thought it was my fault." "I couldn't understand very much that time." "I never talked to him again." "Until he died." "He died when I was 18." "For how long?" "More than 5 years, until his death." " Did he live far away?" " We lived in the same house, but I couldn't talk to my father because I thought he would feel bad." "Today I think that was it." "I couldn't understand." "I couldn't talk to him." "I thought I would do some harm to him, that his heart attack was my fault." "My fault." "You lived in the same house and couldn't talk to him?" " No, I couldn't." " How was it possible?" "He would say, 'Good morning' and you wouldn't answer?" "No." "With time, he gave up on me." "He gave up on me." "He stopped talking to me either." "Time was passing." "He tried, one day." "It was the only time I saw him crying." "He asked me to talk to him again, saying what he has done, then he came, and gave me a hug." "I felt so much pity for him, but I couldn't talk to him again." "But when he died..." "My mother used to say:" ""One day he'll die and you'll see."" "Didn't you try a therapy, something like that?" "Yes, my mother took me." "But it was useless." "It lasted just for a while." "It was something that really changed in me," "I don't know, it 's madness." "I stopped liking my father." "I don't know why." "I repent today." "But later, didn't you have a depressión?" "I had a depressión." "A deep one." "I couldn't answer the phone, I'd sleep all day long..." "Then I decided to be an actress." "It came from nothing." "The same way I stopped talking to my father." "From nothing, I decided and told my mother." " 'Lwant to be an actress'." " I've had the desire, but it was something I could hardly consider." "My father oppressed me, or repressed me." "Both things." "He was against theater?" "He was against everything I wanted to do." "He brought me up to be a physician, he wanted me to be a doctor!" "He thought I was too intelligent, but I was normal." "I was smart, just that." "He brought me up to be a physician, he wanted me to study medicine." "When he realized I wouldn't, that I would study anything but medicine, he became disappointed." "You have been reconciled with your father." " Yes" " How?" "Ah, I dream about him." "One time..." "It 's been some time I was living in Rio." "I was living alone." "One day I woke up at night." "During the night, almost dawn." "I opened my eyes, as if a person was calling me." "As if I haven't slept." "Then I looked to the window, it was a big one, and I saw my father." "He was looking at me." "I thought I was dreaming, but I wasn't, one knows when is dreaming." "And what did his glance say to you?" "Forgiveness?" "Yes, if he appeared to me..." "In dreams I ask him for forgiveness." "I've always do." "When I dream about him, I always ask for his forgiveness." "I want to be sure he has forgiven me." "I was born in Ipanema, and later I moved to Copacabana, where I lived for 11 years." "Me, my grandmother and my mother lived in an apartment." "We had a maid called Alcedina." "I used to call her Cidina." "My parents were separated, it was just us there." "And I wanted to say that because till today I miss her." "Cidina died and her children, her grandchildren, they all studied, went to university..." "It 's great to see a beautiful family go on." "I would like to say I miss her smell." "That 's what I wanted to say." "Alcedina Pereira Marcelino." "She was a strong black woman who laughed a lot." "I had fun with her and used to sleep in her arms." "She used a kind of Eau de Cologne." "Not "Milk of Roses"." "The contender of the "Milk of Roses"." "She adored it, and it was very perfumed, and I adored going to her bed at night." "I would pick up the sugar basin and lick it and go under to Cidina's arms and stay there." "I miss Cidina's perfume so much!" "I was 5 years-old." "I can't forget her." "I would say, "Cidina, when I get very rich," "I'm going to give you a huge car, you'll have a private driver, you'll have houses all over the world," "I'll work my entire life to give you everything!"" "And she would laugh." "It was the greatest joy." "My marriage lasted 24 years." "I had a son in 1975." "My daughter was born in January 11th, 1973." "On June 23rd, 1975, my son was born, which was another blessing." "It was something long waited, so it was very good." "Then I separated from their father." "He wanted to leave the house." "And we had a good life, very nice." "When I met him, he had nothing, he was a truck driver." "Then we arranged many things together." "I would help him in everything." "Who wanted to separate?" "He wanted." "He said he wanted to live his life with neither me nor the children." "Then we started a new life." "My son would wake up early to go to work." "My daughter left a little later." "We would wake up to have breakfast together." "Then he left to go to work, later she would leave too, and I stayed at home." "And we would think about our parties." "I've always liked parties." "We would have two birthdays a year, each one of us." "I made an agenda for everybody." "Even the neighbors, had two birthdays." "On March 5th, my son's godmother felt ill." "At night, the father of my children and his brothers came to relieve me." "They went to the hospital to take me home." "I became worried, and asked:" ""What happened?"" "They said:" ""We came to take you home."" "I became curious about that situation." "Everyone was there except my son and my daughter." "Then they said:" ""Your son had an accident." "We have to go home."" "I became suspicious and thought there was something wrong, my daughter wasn't there, my son had an accident..." "Actually my son had reacted against a robbery, coming back from work, and they killed him." "It was something crazy..." "It was the worst time of my life." "My son was 19, he was beautiful!" "We were in a happy moment in our lives, so good..." "I would thank God everyday for our happiness, and God made that to me." "I became desperate, crazy." "I would ask God why did He make that to me." "I asked God to revive my son." "But He didn't." "My daughter would bath me." "I couldn't eat." "I felt so bad." "I went to the doctor..." "My daughter took care of me." "We rented an apartment and moved there." "I couldn't come back home." "8 months later, we came back." "There were some things in the refrigerator, onions, garlic..." "Everything sprouted." "The fridge looked like a special sprouted garden." "Then we cleaned, we painted the house." "But I couldn't touch his things, I couldn't look at his photos." "What about his room?" "I couldn't touch one single thing." "After 5 years, I had a dream about him." "He was in a place like theSanta Casa, the hospital." "There are all those endless corridors." "And he was there, at the end of the corridor." "He came wearing a blue cloak." "Swimming-pool blue." "And he came running to me and said:" ""Mom, I graduated today!" "I became an ángel!"" "I wanted to hug him." "He came running with something in his head." "He said: "I was crowned today, I became an ángel, I graduated!"" "Then he hugged me, leant his cheek against mine and said:" ""Don't be sad." "I am fine."" "Then I hugged him." ""Why can't you go back?"" "And he: "I can't go back." "Don't be sad Mom, because of me!"" "I hugged him, and said:" ""I'll tell Paula!"" "He said:" ""Yes, tell her I'm fine." "Now I'm an ángel, I've been crowned."" "Paula is my daughter." "When I woke up, I told her:" ""I dreamed about my son." "It was beautiful!"" "She said, "How nice, Mon!" I said:" ""From now on we are going to start opening the window so we can start our lives over."" "Today I live a quite normal life." "My daughter works, she's happy and engaged." "For 5 years she didn't date anybody, just taking care of me." "Now she is engaged." "It 's my turn to take care of her." "I do anything for my daughter." "You said:'God is good, but He is bad to me.'" "Because He was bad to me." "But today He's rewarding me with my daughter." "But I'm not totally convinced about it." "I want to know why He took away my son." "Sarita, from all those who came until now you are the only one who asked to come back, because you needed to say something more, or sing," "I don't know exactly what." "Because I'd like to sing." "It 's because I thought it was kind of "heavy"." "How's it?" "Tragic, more tragic than comic." "And then I thought it would be sad and I didn't want to be too sad." "My father arrived home singing carnival songs." "Anything he talked about was tracked by a Carnival song." "It was funny." "He worked very hard, crazily, but arrived home singing." "Such a figure!" "My mother was also extremely musical." "He knew more about music, but he sang everything, from Carnival songs to Tito Schipa, Edith Piaf..." "He loved Ary Barroso..." "So these music were our lives!" "Would you like to sing a song that's important foryou?" "Yes, there's a world." "But you have to choose at least one." "One that you think is important foryou, and you sing it well or recite it well." "A songwhich has marked you, that justifies your preference." "I'm stuck to the past, it 's weird." "I'm stuck to my father's things." "It doesn't matter, the past and the present are the same thing, right?" "Maybe people won't get it." "The songs your father used to sing?" "He used to lull." "I can't forget it." "I'm going to cry." "It 's so hard!" "Sing the ones he used to lull." "My father used to lull and I lulled my daughter." "Which song reminds you that?" "How can I sing crying?" "If this street were to be mine" "I can't do it..." "Iwould, Iwould tile" "With small pebbles small sparkling pebbles" "Just for my, just for my love walk by" "In this street, in this street there's a forest" "Which name, which name is solitude" "Inside it, inside it lives an ángel" "Who has stolen, who has stolen my heart" "If I stole, if I stole your heart" "It's because, it's because I love you much" "If I stole, if I stole your heart" "It's because, it's because you've stolen mine too." "Oh, this is one!"