"This story, in one sense, begins with Christopher Columbus.." "Yes, Colombo was the first Italian to dream of going to America.." "He was fixated with America." "We could claim that he was born with the desire for America." "Even today many Europeans are born with this desire for America." "This desire can manifest itself in different forms." "For example, in strict natural diets." "Today is an even day:" "as hors d'oeuvre, 2 raw carrots, wheat cereal with honey, one asparagus dipped in treacle..." " Fruit?" " Squeezed grapefruit with salt and pepper." "Squeezed grapefruit, with salt and... pepper" "This desire for America can also be revealed by the noisy chewing of lollies with a hole in at the cinema," "as a not very well hidden desire to imitate... the most intense expressions of a famous Hollywood star." "What European does not dream of going to America?" "America, with all of its wonders!" "Its phantasmagoric lights!" "Over there, all Americans dream of going to Europe, to Rome" "On the other hand, in a house in Trastevere lives the only American who dreams of going to America." "It's a strange American, who was born and lives in Trastevere." "Here he is, Nando Mericoni, the robust young man you see in this picture." ""What a holy he-man" well, those muscles belong to some winner of an American tournament for the title of "Mister Universe"." "This is his room." "It's small and unpretencious, but Nando is comfortable, he has everything in it." "Overseas flags, cowboy comics, baseball gloves, and a photo of Betty with a dedication ...signed by Nando himself." "The only things at home Nando has not managed to Americanize, here they are... his parents!" " Here!" " Augusto, aren't you sleeping?" "No, I'm thinking of our wicked son, who at half past midnight is not back yet!" " He is not my son!" " Calm down, think to your asthma!" "He... he managed to give me asthma!" "Do you know that Talesandro's son has started working as postman?" "He's 20!" "When his father retires, he will be settled!" "Do you know?" " And Nando... and Nando..." " Augusto, don't you see?" "And Nando..." "Of course I've got asthma!" " What would Nando do if I didn't work?" " He's young!" " Perhaps he has a "crazy head"..." " A stupid head!" "What can one wish for from him?" "He wants to be an artist, a dancer!" "2 days he works, and 2 months he wanders around!" "He pretends to be an American!" "But Americans have got money!" "Tonight I'll let him to be an..." "American!" "Every night it's the same!" "Where does he go all night?" "Where is he?" " Calm down!" " Where is he at night?" "Where?" "It is pointless to look for help from that direction." "Before Wing arrives in town, Hopalong Cassidy's career will come to an end." "What do you want to do?" "Tell me!" "Before I kill you I want you to know something, Cassidy." "I don't like making the same mistake twice." "While you were having breakfast, I loaded your gun with blanks. (What a hell of a movie!" "Did you see how they killed Joe?" ")" "(It was Jim." "Did you see how he strangled him with his hands?" ")" "(It was really a steely grip)" "Ehi, dark!" "Dark, I'm talking to you, come on!" "It's closing time!" "Every night is the same!" " I must go;" "I can't wait for you!" " "Shut up!"!" " I'll shoot you!" " Who?" "I'll smash your head in!" ""Gattomammone" (sweet mummy cat), I saw you." "You were pretending to read the newspaper!" "You are a spy!" "Shall I make you talk?" "Talk!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "Bang!" "I must eliminate you." "I can hear steps!" "It was you, sweetie, you talked!" "Yeah... take this little present!" "Bang!" "I'll lie in wait." "Just kidding." "It's not loaded." "The law allows me!" "I'm kidding!" "I'm kidding!" "They're not loaded, I'd only use them if attacked at night." "Some sluggard one might sneak up on you, you never know..." "Papà!" "I live in this "house", I come from here." " You wretch!" " Hello, daddy!" "My daddy, he's just kidding!" "There is the night guard." "He threw down the keys." "Quiet, daddy." "Do you want to let everybody know?" "I have come of age, I can come home when I like." "I can even come back at 3 in the morning!" "I'm over 21." "(AUGUSTO) Don't take any notice, he is half idiot!" "Bang!" "(GUARDIA) You wretch!" "Stop bothering me!" "Why do I have to have a stupid son?" " What happened?" " He teases the guards!" "Do you understand?" "But I sleep!" "Sleep!" "I sleep..." "I'm sleeping." "Have you set a trap for me?" "But I'll destroy you!" "I'll destroy you all!" "Yes, call Joe!" "MACARONI!" "This is stuff for bricklayers!" "I don't eat macaroni, I am an American!" "Red wine?" "I don't drink red wine!" " Americans don't drink red wine or eat macaroni!" " I strangle him, but.." "I'm sleeping." "Americans eat "MAMELATA" (marmelade)." "This is stuff for Americans!" "Yoghurt, MOSTADA (mustard)..." "this is how the Americans beat the Apaches!" "Americans don't drink red wine ...they drink milk!" "That's why they don't get drunk!" "Have you ever seen a drunken American?" "I've never seen one..." "Americans are strong." "Bloody hell, the Americans!" "You can't fight the Americans!" "They eat "MAMELATA"!" "MACARONI, I'm going to destroy you!" "Why are you looking at me with that fearless look?" "You look like a worm to me, MACARONI." "This is stuff for Americans!" "Yogurt, MAMELATA, MOSTADA..." "The MOSTADA..." "How do you call it?" "MOSTADA." "... some milk." "This is the stuff Americans eat." "Healthy, nourishig stuff." "MACARONI." "Bloody hell, how lousy stuff!" "The Americans..." "MACARONI, you provoked me and now I'll destroy you!" "I'm gonna eat you!" "This is for the cat." "This one is for the mouse." "With this we kill the bedbugs." "And I drink milk." "I'm American." "Worm, I'm gonna eat you." " Can you hear him?" "Stay calm." " I'm going to strangle him!" " I'm going to sleep." " OK." ""Five, five, four, five, three" The Chamber!" "How boring is this Chamber!" "There must be a vote!" "Where are my pants?" " Hello?" " Hello?" "55453?" "I say 55553?" "Isn't this the Chamber?" "I am the deputy Borgiani." "Who is speaking?" "Santi Bailor, American "Attascion"." " It's the American embassy." " At this time?" "American hour!" "It must be for the commission on petrol." "Let me hear it." "(says in french) Yes, I am the deputy Borgiani." "Who cares!" "I want Elvy." "Who is it?" "Elvy!" "Elvira!" "Is Elvira there?" "I'm Nando, her boyfriend." "You wretch!" "I'll ask a question at the Chamber!" "Bothering a resting deputy at a time like this!" "Pig!" "Calm down!" "Think about what you're saying, got it?" "Think!" "Quiet!" "You hung up?" "You hang up on Santi Bailor?" " What did he want?" " I don't know who he was!" " Who did he want?" " A certain Elvira." " Elvira is our maid!" "The maid of a deputy receives calls at this time?" "Be calm, I changed maids six times in one year, this one is good!" "I stay at home with the kids, whilst you're in Montecitorio (the Chamber)..." " Do you think that I have fun in Chamber?" " Who knows!" " Answer, come on!" " If my electorate knew about it!" "Hello?" "Would you like to speak to Elvira?" "If you'd care to wait a second, I'll call her." " Right?" " Certainly." "Honourable Borgiani, you gave up!" "You made a big mistake." "You hung up on a he-man such as me?" "A Borgiani does not hang up on Nando Mericoni." "If you repent, I'll forgive you, my Borgiani." "Elvy, my dear!" "Nando, you should not disturb at this time!" "I'm not disturbing anyone!" "Don't worry, my Elvy, I tamed him." "Tomorrow is a big day." "It will be a big show." "Everyboy will know who Santi Bailor is." "Who is Santi Bailor?" "Me, the new star Nando Mericoni, alias Santi Bailor." "Tomorrow I will be waiting for you at the Première." "Dress up." "It will be exciting." "I will make my entrance in long tails, like Gene Kelly." "(Nando sings in his "american" way)" "Nando, do you sing at night too?" "!" " Sleep." " Sleep?" "Yes, sleep." " Listen to him!" " Be calm!" "Try to sleep." " Nando, go to sleep!" " Mammy, aren't you sleeping?" " Your father is upset and he's right!" " When we are in America... there will be a mamie singing the old cotton songs." "Quiet!" "Alleluia!" "Alleluia!" " Mammy, "the water"!" " What's that?" "An American container." "See the tap?" "The pipe sucks water." "Offices on 5th Avenue have it." "Pure and sterilized water." " Bloody hell, it's disgusting!" " Can't you try to be serious?" " Mammy, daddy, I love you." " Watch out with that rollig pin!" "Rolling pin?" "This bat will be signed by Joe DiMaggio." " You know who he is?" " Nando!" " You don't know who Joe Di Maggio is?" " Nando!" "It's a complicated thing." "Joe DiMaggio was a young italian" " who as a kid moved to Kansas City..." " Again Kansas City!" "This kid got his bat..." "and married MARILINA (M.Monroe)." "If only I'd moved to Kansas City too!" "Instead I was stopped by the scarlet fever." "Remember, mammy?" "Hello, daddy?" "Don't make it hard for mammy." " Mamma, aren't you sleeping?" " Go to sleep." "What is it?" "Let me go!" " What are you doing?" "Stop it!" " I'm gonna kill you!" "You beat me up with Joe Di Maggio's bat!" "I'll make you regret this!" "I'll show it to you!" "One day or another you will hear about me! If this he-man can only make it to America...!" "You wanted to beat me up?" "You can't nit, look at my footwork!" "Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten." "Stop!" "It's not difficult, right "girl"?" "Get used to your footwork and keep in mind the right rhythm." "Nothing else to say." " OK "girl"?" " Come on!" "In American "OK" means "very good"." "Get used to those American expressions." "If you answer with your usual rudeness, you'll keep dancing all "night"!" "OK?" " Would you like to see the figures?" " Yes." " Here..." " Who is screaming?" " Nothing, it's Mericoni." "That down-and-out guy who came crying out for work?" "I have an image to keep up, it's unfortunate that I work in such a dirty place." "When I enter like Gene Kelly, you should fly like Rita Hayworth." "Instead you fall onto me!" "You seem lame!" " Go to hell!" " I am the italian Gene Kelly!" " Gene what?" " The italian Gene Kelly!" " Go to h..." " I do everything with a sense of sacrifice and self-denial." "Staying with you one could catch an infection!" "I'm sorry, but you are a mess!" " Who are you?" " The "sister"." "Where do they come from?" "What are you looking at?" "I must nail you to the ground!" "I'm here because my father wants it, otherwise I would be on Broadway and not in such a dunghill!" " This theatre is a dungheap." " What is it?" " A dunghill!" " Throw him out." " "Mister commenda", I was kidding." " I didn't see you." " Stop it!" " Just a joke." " This is a famous theatre, glorious." " Stop it!" "I was kidding." "Go away!" " It's a very hard American number with the "girl"." " I want foreign girls." " Then they're really perfect." " Then..." "They look like foreigners, all different from one another." "The first two are lame, those in the middle are squint-eyed, so..." " Leave him alone." " I'm explaining the show." " We are busy." " Who are you, I don't even know you!" "?" "Then there is the snob soubrette, but I control her, because she gives...." "I give nothing." " How dare you?" " I'm kidding." " You down-and-out!" " Give him 2000 lire." "Le's make it 2500, 2 soups each, we are 8" "Right, but you'll do the show with the lights on, I must see the goods." "Certainly." "In tune with the "ice cream man"!" "Santi Bailor in tune with the ice cream man!" " Why did it have to happen to me!" " (Nando) Be happy, girls! Stand still!" "Right now, eveybody still!" "Here there will be applause." "For sure." "OK?" "Here there will be the applause." "Elvy! I'll make my Gene Kelly entrance." "That's my boyfriend." "He's handsome, isn't he? Nando, what are you doing?" "It's not for you!" " Who is that?" " It's Mericoni." "Ice cream!" "Ice cream! They laugh?" "From the start, girl!" "Are you angry with me?" "You are 21 now, it's time for you to know whose child you are." " Is he your boyfriend?" " Congratulations!" "Elvira!" ""Goodbye, goodbye"." "You must stop embarassing me like this!" "Don't upset me." "Santi Bailor cannot stand being humiliated because of you." "Tomorrow you will rehearse till you drop dead!" " Throw him out." " What?" ""Mister Commenda", what do you mean?" "Just two days!" "Hell!" "I'm here because my father wants me to be!" "(Nando where are you going?" ") (I don't know, I've had enough)" "(Your place is not here, it's in America, here they don't understand you)" "(Stop!" "Look!" ")" "(This is the story of a young American,)" "(who is in order to obtain what the world did not want to give him,)" "(went to the top of a skyscraper,)" "(and then he said: "I'll throw myself off if you don't give me what I want")" "(What are you thinking?" "Have you got an idea?" ")" "(Do you want to try as well?" ")" "(Find a vantage point and you'll see they will listen to you." "They must listen!" ")" "Listen, all of you!" "Can you hear me?" "People of Rome, you are all "sheep-humbled" at my feet!" "Listen!" "I must go to America!" "I'm on top of one of the world's highest monuments!" " Who is that?" " It must be an advertisement." " Come down." " If you don't send me to America, I'll throw myself off!" " Listen all of you!" " Open up, open up!" " What does he want?" "Who is he?" " I'm the father of that crazy one!" "Nando!" "Nando, what are you doing?" "What are you doing up there?" "Come down!" "It's you!" "What do you want, "father"?" "Leave me alone." "Come down!" "Nando, come down!" "In a little while, "my father", your "boy" will go to America!" "Come down, I won't do anything to you." "What are you saying?" "Speak louder, I can't hear you!" "What did you say?" "God!" "My son!" "Here." "Do you feel better now?" " My God!" " What is it?" " My son is going to jump!" " He doesn't want to jump; he wants to go to America." " It's a fixation!" " How long has he been obsessed with it?" " Over ten years now." "Since the German occupation!" "Do you remember those awful times?" "Every night I locked him in, because I didn't want any trouble." "But one evening..." " Hello?" " Papà, it's Nando." "Weren't you in your bedroom?" "You wretched son!" "I am at the wrecker's." "Our plan is in place." "Let me see." "Now it's time." "Behind me there is my whole band." " Are you messing about?" " One day you'll understand and be proud of me." "I can't talk right now, but I'm setting up something that the whole world will talk about." "Really?" "Watch out, my son, you are our only child." "I have to leave you, daddy, I must go." "Goobye, papà." "Say hello to mammy." " Augusto, what happened?" " Before my son was a child," " but now he's a man." " What's he doing?" "He can't explain over the phone." "Perhaps something dangerous, or useful for our homeland." "Something heroic! As soon as the Americans arrive, I'll take you all to Broadway!" " OK boys?" " OK!" " If we wait for the Americans, we will go in 2000!" " Quiet, Cicalone." "They are out there!" "One, two, three! The Americans were just out here, right? Perfect centre!" "1,2,3,4,5!" "You always claim they are going to hit the headquartes, whereas they get close to us." "Shut up!" "Shut up, Cicalone!" "They know what to do!" "Americans are infallible!" "Aeroplanes, find, aim and..." " And "hit" us!" " Have they hit us?" "They hit us! Yes, cuckold." "I meant, in the..." "good sense of the word." "They are not going to win the war, they can't master the language." "On the other hand, Americans..." "Zac!" " The Americans are 3 Km away." " Yes, since three months ago!" "They take their time, they wait." "Because I have mastered the language, when they come," " I will be all right." " You know the language?" " Of course." "Nothing... cuckold." " These are silly songs." " Silly songs?" "I'll translate them..." " Tonight you have to come to Tullio's hut." " Who is he?" "The radio technician who was arrested because he had a radio." " He has made another one." " To listen to the voice of America?" "Yes." " Jazz!" " What jazz, idiot!" " Tullio wants to talk to the Americans." " Really?" " Yes." " Tonight I'm going to take you to Tullio's." " Yes." "Here it is!" "Joe!" "Joe, over here!" "Santi Bailor is here!" "Hit the headquarters!" "I can hear your thunder!" "Hit the headquarters like in the American movies. 1,2,3,4,5!" " Great, what a hit!" " We have "hit" once again." "No, there was a differential of a "seven" instead of a "five"." "What can Germany do?" "!" "Joe, you're great! Cicalone!" " Cicalone, what a..." " Ssshh!" " Tullio, there is an interpreter." " He's an American prisoner." " I don't understand a single word." " Radio." " Yes, radio!" " I made this device in three months." " "Three months"." " A lot of work." " Valve?" " Yes, four valves." " "Four"." " With stolen parts from temporary toilets." " "Water closet"!" " Sgraffignati." " SGRAFFIGNAT!" " He got it!" "Oh my God!" "You got everything from those poor Germans!" " But who are you?" " Who am I?" " You are not American!" " Let me go, I am Santi Bailor!" "I was blocked by a German monster." "I'll talk to the Americans as I've mastered the language." " Hello, America?" " Sshh!" " This is the Santi Bailor Corporation." " It's not a joke!" "I'm not joking!" "I want to communicate because I have mastered the language." " One moment!" " What's up?" " I have something for you." " For me?" "What?" " Take it." " Thanks, but what do I do with this wire?" " It's the radio wire." " The radio?" "Yes, you will go and insert the wire in the camp's power outlet." " I?" " Yes." " Santi Bailor?" "I get out, throw myself on the ground, crawl along like a slug..." " Watch out for the Germans, they'll shoot." " They'll shoot?" " If they see you." " The Germans?" "At Santi Bailor?" " Is it heroic?" " Certainly." " I go." " Go." "I'm going." " Do you want to go?" " Go!" " Three months of work!" "Who did you bring me?" " Rest assured." "Here is the slug that has to insert the wire in the power outlet." "Where is the wire?" "Here it is." "I'll take everything off." "That's it." "Oh my God!" "Yes, it must be you." "Oh my God, the shock!" " Mission accomplished." " We should be on their station's wavelength." "Tell them that the German ammunition store is hidden under the Red Cross tents." " Can they hear me?" " Sure." "Can they hear me?" "America, can you hear me?" "This is Santi Bailor.Can you hear me?" " Yes, but talk American." " OK." "America, listen to this." "Put the towel over your head, otherwise the light can be seen from outside." "The alarm!" "The Americans are coming!" "Our lot are coming!" "At last, they are coming!" "Let's go to the headquarters." "Hold them till we're back." "You COMPRESCION?" "ATTENDESCION." "My commander, the Steel Pact?" "But the Axis is there!" "Let's sing to victory!" "Let's forget!" "(Nando sings in german)" "I was singing for victory." "What's happening?" "Commander!" "Where are you going?" "Holy Madonna!" "They are going to execute me!" "Shit!" "Mamma mia, how scary!" "I'm pissing myself!" "Ado', we have to agree." "They want to shoot me, Adolph." "You must help me, the world is small, we are going to meet again." "My father is an officer at the Post, one day you may need him." "I'm afraid!" "I am pissing myself!" "Let me go!" " Then?" " A hug!" "I'll take a cigar." "In the American films, as one enters an office one takes out a cigar." "What does he say?" "You're guilty of sabotage, spying and resisting the American troops." "We condem you to the firing squad." " Firing squad?" "Who?" " You." "Me?" "Are you joking?" "You are joking!" "You are joking!" "You tell them!" "You are my friend!" "Officer, I was a boy-scout, I climbed over the rocks." "I had scarlet fever that stopped me for three years." "I'm covered in blisters." "Look." "Are you joking?" "I am Fred Astaire's friend." "Do you know him?" "They call me the italian Gene Kelly." "If I hadn't had that illness!" "Look, that's how I enter... I can't well turn around..." "because I'm pissing myself." "Send him to the mental hospital for the criminally insane in Aversa." " Nando, what are you doing up there?" " He is up there!" " Are you his girlfriend?" " No, we pretended "to be in love"." " Ah!" " But he was always singing, he didn't want to marry me." "He sang?" "Now he's dancing!" " Nando, hold on!" " Reckless idiot!" "Hold them back!" "Dirty coward, you came!" " If he falls, will he get hurt?" " No, he'll die." " Attract his attention." " Nando, can you see me?" " Come down, nice fellow!" " Nando, come down." "Look what happened to your "love", on top of the Colosseum!" "Go away, I don't want to see you anymore." "Is it my fault that you're up there?" "Is it my fault?" "That's family business." "Try to attract him, please." " Nando, come down!" " No!" "I won't come down." "You are my only love." " He's my only love." " This is family business." "The movie theatre guy, I don't like him;" "he's from my home town, he's the farmer's son." ""I don't like him"!" "How nicely you say it!" "Go to hell, you and the farmer's son!" "Today it's the farmer's son, yesterday it was Gedeone, the one with lion's teeth." "No!" "You don't convince me!" " Then?" " Because of Nando I may loose my job at the MP's house, I'm the maid there." "Also last sunday I was late." "Nando wanted to take me to Ostia, to the beach." "He came with a motorbike and I got the scare of my life." " Nando, go slowly!" " Elvy, "look" Silver Arrow." "This is my own performance bike!" " Did you steal it?" " No, the Kansas City sheriff sold it to me" "The one who works at the wrecker's." "With this hat am I like a "POLIS" on the "street"?" " Stop it!" " Aahh!" "Did I scare you?" " See you in San Diego." "Ciao!" " I get off!" " What's happening down there?" " None of your business!" "A truck that won't let an American car through!" " I'll see to it!" " Don't get involved." " It's my duty." "Hello, Joe." "Now I will let you through." " Move!" "Get out, dwarf!" " Who are you calling 'warf'?" " Let's move!" " What do you want?" "Who are you?" " Santi Bailor of Kansas City Police!" " Who cares!" " Let him through." " I can't!" " Don't argue." "Move!" " I'll see you again!" " "Come on"! Move aside, dwarf!" " Move aside!" " You're crazy!" "CAMAN, CAMAN, "Help" America!" "I've helped him and now I will be a friend of his for life." "So you'll get me killed!" " Let's go, don't waste any time." " Watch out, Elvy!" "We are lucky to get to know two Americans." "They come from Washington." "God, what a car!" "A silver arrow!" "At your service." "Kansas City Police." ""You" no CAPISCE, American." "I got it." "No confidence, there are women here." "Watch out." ""Fish"." "God, how bad you look!" "I got it." "Fish!" "You want to eat fish." "You want to eat fresh water fish." "Let me explain." "Hurry up, don't be an imbecile!" "ATTENSCION." "You "take" this street, you can't SBAGLIE'(sbagliare=make a mistake)." "All right?" "In that LOCALITESCION, there is Osteria of Zozzetto.(zozzo=dirty)" "Don't go to the right, Maranella's ravine is down there." "RIEPILOCHESCION ." "Follow the MEN and you can't SBAGLIEN." "In that LOCALITESCION there's Osteria of Zozzetto." "Thanks, but I'm on duty." "Kansas City Police don't smoke." "OK." "Don't go to the right, Marella's ravine is down there." " Stop being silly, let's go." " OK." "Not to your right!" "Why did you go to the right, American?" "ATTENSCION!" "There is Maranella's ravine!" "He'll kill himself!" " Let's go, they will charge you with murder." " Shut up! We lost the American." "American! American, I'm here! "You" DEAD?" "Are you dead, American?" " It's serious!" " The American is stuck!" " Let's run away!" " No, I have already assessed the disaster." "It's the typical disaster of the American films." "American, I'm coming!" "What do you want?" "Im having a little snack." "Rest assured, walrus, I'm going to save you." "I don't understand, what do you want?" "Some music?" "I'll cheer you up, American." "Bloody America!" "Are you a wild animal?" "You bite?" "American, I'm going to hit you like James Cagney!" "I hit you, American." "American, what's up?" "God, he's asleep!" "God, what a hit!" "Like James Cagney!" "You're a brick!" "God, what a shot! Shut up, baboon, he's asleep!" "He can't hear you." "I'm going to call someone in charge, like they do in America!" "Elvy, I'm going to find a phone and I'll be back soon." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "It's me, I meant "hello" in American." "I have got sensational news, front page stuff." "I have an "ace in the hole"." " An ace?" "What are you talking about?" "We've witnessed a spectacular accident." "Location:" "Maranella's ravine." "Yes, Maranella's ravine." "Hello?" "I have an American guy with his foot stuck under a car." "Yes, it is great." "I'll keep him here till you arrive!" "Bring the press, television, BBC, CCD... the DDT, the storyteller, ice cream man, merry-go-round, organize groups!" "The real "ace in the hole"!" "God, what an ace in the hole!" "Certainly, we will bring the movies, the television, the ice cream man." "Maranella's ravine?" "I will set up the DDT myself." "Don't worry, see you soon." " Nando!" " God, what a hit!" "You left them?" "You were supposed to stay there!" "The Police arrived, you will go to jail!" " Don't worry, I know what to do." " I've seen the Police myself! What Police?" "This is the Red Cross!" " They take the American away!" " The American?" "Inside there?" "They take the American away?" "Blast, they have taken away the American!" "Stay still, it's worse if you move!" "It's nothing!" " They have taken away the American!" " The Police!" "Can't you hear the sirens?" " The Police!" "They are hunting for me!" " Let's run!" "Come, "darling" let's find a hideout." "They won't catch me!" " Don't worry, we will take you to Rome." " Let's give her some wine." "Have you seen a young fellow dressed like American policeman?" "We wish, we're looking for him too!" "Look what he did to my aunt!" " OK." " Hold on!" " If we get him, it will be our duty to keep him!" " Thanks." " It must be that crazy guy's motorbike." " Yes, he must be close." "Look over there." " Get up, aunt, let's go." " Also the Police looks for him!" " I wonder what he did!" " If I catch that damned idiot," "I don't know what I'm going to do!" "Let's go!" "There he is!" "Quiet, they are hunting for me." "The dwarf!" " There he is!" " Try to catch him." " It's better to try again with him." " You, come down!" "No, did you bring the passport?" "Go up!" "You, follow him!" "You bloody wretch!" " Did you bring the passport?" " You, quick!" "Where are you going?" "Is it starting to rain?" " You wretch!" " Stop it!" "God, what a shot!" " Why did you stop?" "Go up!" " He is spitting!" "Who cares!" "You must go up!" "Go!" "Stop being an idiot!" "Idiot!" "Watch out!" "I'm defending myself within the limits of the law." "I'm using harmless weapons." "You must stop!" " Are you really a journalist?" " Yes." " Will you put my name in the newspaper?" " That's right." "Write down straight away:" "Pellacchioni Romolo... from Pasquale." "Pel-lac-chio-ni." "As I said, when the story with the Germans ended," "Nando started again with his obsession." "He immediately started looking for a way to go to America." "He had a great idea." "He began working wih me at a bar, where Americans hung out." "All right?" "OK." "They are always happy, smiling..." "They're good." "Cicalone, come here." "Cicalone, there's an American girl who's been staring at me since she came in." "The moment has arrived, I'll marry an American." "Go away." "It's wonderful!" "Nice." ""Wonderful girl", I was waiting for you." " He's perfect." " Yes." "I've been waiting for 30 years, fairy princess AMARACANA." "My princess." "Cicalone, come, she is stroking me!" "God, I'm dying!" "But you look Chinese!" "Who cares, a Chinese American!" "Where do you want to take me?" "To Kansas City?" "It's a bargain!" "I can hold a buffalo!" "I can grab your neck with a bite!" "Yes, dear, tell daddy!" " No." " Why not?" "No!" "Not even if you kill me!" " You're the perfect guy for my friend." " Perché no?" "I'm kidding, just to make you jealous." "Feel my "bread-loaf"." "God, what muscles I got!" "You want the watch?" "You're already costing me money!" "OK!" ""Molly Brooke PANT." Is it your name?" "What are these?" "10,000 lire?" "I'll keep it over my heart." " Tomorrow at 5." " I've been waiting for 30 years!" "Goodbye, Molly." "Goodbye, Brooke!" "Cicalone, run!" "I could feel it!" "This is all because I've mastered the language." "Molly Brooke PANT, which stands for panther." " The panther gave it to you?" " To organize the MARRIAGE." "I'll marry her." "I will buy a huge American hat in order to enter the American family." "Cicalone, just two looks were enough to strike the panther!" "At last!" "It's been 4 days, the water is coming out eveywhere!" "I've called 40 times!" "In that lumber room a pipe is leaking." " A pipe is leaking?" " Yes." " Who cares!" " Aren't you the plumber?" " Do you see the zinc bag around my nek?" " I am a customer!" " I'm sorry." "Boy, go away." "Today we have given already." "This is Mr. Cicalone, he came because he's knowledgeable." "Pardon me, what do you require?" "I'm going to marry a rich American woman, I need everything" "I got it perfectly, the lottery, right?" "The Lottery?" "I don't like him, he's not an American type." " You're going to spend all 10,000 lire." " Cicalone, be quiet!" "10,000 lire is an advance!" "The the rest, when she marries me..." " Are you sure she's going to marry you?" " She won't marry me?" "!" "She must!" "From the marriage bond to Kansas City!" "I don't want to end up like in the movie "Roman Holidays"." "There a frivolous princess meets "PEKKE", who was at the Roman Forum, she plays with him all night and then abandons him in a room." "But you can't abandon Santi Bailor, you marry him!" "She's going to take this he-man and transplant him to Kansas City." "The latest arrivals." "We have something delicious just for you." "Goods in poplin, rayon, really delicious." " Latest arrivals from Paris." " From Massachusetts?" "Kansas City?" " We don't stock anything from there." " Then I don't need this stuff." "I brought you some models because I thought..." "I need American stuff;" "wide hats, "saccoccioni", a rope, a mask and ...no need the guns." " I need this type of clothing." " But we don't have these thigs!" "What models are they?" "Are you joking?" "We don't have such stuff!" " I throw away everything!" " Put your hands down!" " My magazines!" "I want American stuff!" " Go away!" "I've to marry an American girl! Hello!" "Hello! "Please", where is Molly Brooke?" "Shall I go ahead?" "God, what a house!" "A typical house from an American film!" ""American house, italian maid"" "Molly Brooke." "Molly Brooke." " Who are you?" " Santi Bailor from Kansas City." "I'm looking for Molly Brooke." ""Look", the proper wide hat..." "You don't care about it!" "Is it the box for the atomic bomb?" "From here one listens to..." "TBC..." "God, are you a porcupine?" "Is it a message? This is a musical!" "OK, where is Molly Brooke?" "I should introduce myself to Molly Brooke's parents..." "Empty glasses?" "This is an insult!" "An empty glass for Santi Bailor?" "But I'll fill it up!" "Here there are free "drinks" at our disposal!" "These people are getting awfully drunk!" "How clear!" "What a drink! Why do you take it away?" " Doctor Jekyll?" " I'll kill you!" " You did those little paintings?" "I did those at primary school..." " I threw all of them away." " No!" " Dottor Jekyll, I'll chase you over the roof!" "Your long hair is coverig your forehead!" " You are here!" " Hello, Molly!" " He is my man." "Have you seen that your "boy" arrived?" "What are you doing, Molly?" "That wide hat costs me 10,000 lire!" "Who are these people?" "Molly, I'm going to beat you!" " Just kidding." " They are Molly's friends." " They came to say hello to "PAPA"." " Are they pilgrims?" " Molly's PAPA." " Her father!" "(Papa=Pope - papà=daddy)" "Hello!" "I am Santi Bailor from Kansas City." "Rest assured, I'm a he-man!" "In your home you have a he-man... it was love at first sight!" "I'm a good boy, my father is an officer, at the Post Office." "What did he say?" " When everybody goes..." " Everybody!" "You will do... a good job." "Monkey, there's no need to tell me that." "I know what to do." " Your daddy goes too?" " No, he wants to watch." "He pays." "He wants to see what his daughter has learnt." "Molly is very delicate, very shy." "She can't perform in front of others." " In what sense?" " Could you do it in front of others?" "Monkey, I'll have you arrested." "You're filthy person!" "I'll have you and Doctor Jekyll arrested!" "I'll pull all your hair out!" "You filthy person! Take your clothes off." " Get undressed!" " Dear, look me in the eyes." "When you gave me your PEPAR (paper) and invited me here, what were you thinking in your little head?" " I don't understand." " "What"?" "Who do you think I am?" "I'm a he-man, but I can read the news!" "I'm aware that in certain houses strange things happen, but not with me!" "You marry me first and as the boss I will make a change." "I'll kill the monkey, Doctor Jekyll... all of you!" "Now I'll have a drink..." "from Kansas City." "And I'll immediately start being the boss!" "Now I am here!" "Who can force me out of this American house?" "God, what a house!" "When that night you first saw me, with those Chinese eyes of yours," "I immediately understood that you have a dark desire inside you." "But like in the American movies," "I'll grab the pillow and go and sleep in the corridor." "Don't touch me." "Mind yourself!" "I won't go naked in this house, not even if you kill me!" "I only go naked when I swim in the river!" "First you have to marry me, the priest has to come... with the stiff collar!" " Aaah!" "I'm kidding." "He's having a fit." " "Daddy"!" "You are paid for working with my daughter, get undressed!" "I suspect that you are not her father, but her pimp!" " Get undressed!" " Do you want a fight?" "I'm not armed." "Defend yourself, Joe! I had to do it" " What do we do now?" " Let's undress him!" "The big beard!" "Doctor Jekyll!" "Where am I?" "Ah!" "Damned...! You got me naked!" "They got me naked!" "They got Santi Bailor naked!" "They got me naked in this house of sin!" "I only get naked when I swim in the river!" "You dirty people!" "Do you take pictures of me?" "You filthy people!" "Get away, you pimp!" "Do you want to make postcards with Santi Bailor naked on them?" "I'll have all of you arrested!" "I'll organize a trail! Police, please come to via Margutta?" "I'll impound it!" "It's a material evidence, Nando Mericoni's naked body!" "I'll get out through this door..." "Open up, you dirty people!" "Police..." "Damn you, you dirty people!" "Open up!" "I wanted to get out, instead they triked me into a trap." "God, is it a ghost ship?" "What a ship!" "What a mast!" "I'm like a bird in a cage!" "A window!" "I'll jump onto the roof!" "I'll get out by the roof!" "I will cry out your shame!" "Hail to the sun!" "I'm free, I escape!" " Are you ready?" " Yes, it's all right." "Test it, in two minutes we will be live." " Goodnight, number 1 is ready, I'll chek number 2." " OK!" "Dad, sit on the sofa, it's Ruggero's program." "Blast!" "The break is the best moment on TV!" "Viewers, good morning, Fred Goodnight talking." "I am always on the hunt for new and original programs." "This time I have chosen for you the roofs of Via Margutta." "A serene oasis where yesterday's and today's art are shaking hands." "We will stick to this tiled path and to people because much else should be said in front of such a spectacle." "What an unforgettable and magnificent spectacle." "How disgusting!" "Move off, please!" "The painters houses are multi-coloured pathes jutting out towards the majestic embrace of Trinità dei Monti." "crowned by the Olympic Roman sunset." "A little bum!" "It's a disgrace!" "Why don't they air Rigoletto?" "Operator, keep off the naked man!" "Move off the naked man!" "Fred, can you hear me?" "Change angle!" "A sunny sunset whose chromatic shades make..." " It's still him!" " Go away!" "I bought a hearing aid because of you, and now that's what you make me watch!" "I'm sorry, for technical reasons beyond our control, we've been forced to suspend filmng outdoors, but it's still your Fred talking!" "We are at actress Astrid Siostron's home in via Margutta" "She is back from an absence due to her newly born baby." "Mrs. Siostron, would you like to say something?" "With pleasure." "I hope the italian public will forgive me if in this nice Italy I didn't make as many films as promised." "On the other hand I made many children with my husband's help." "Thanks, signora." "Mr. Siostron..." "Sorry, M. Verdolini." "Would you tell us about your artist activity?" "No news regarding my work as a film director." " I prefer wearing the shoes of a happy father." " Of course." "This is a good chance to show you our newly born." " A big 16 pound baby." " Great, let's go." "It will certainly be a nice gift for our viewers." "Now you're going to see a beautiful big 16 pound baby..." " Please, let me..." " What's happening?" "Cut!" "I can't, it's jammed!" "Damn you!" "Stop!" "This is Fred Goodnight waving goodbye!" "Get away!" "Hello?" "One, two." "One, two." "Can't you see it's working?" "I have got a pair of handcuffs ready for when he comes down!" "Mericoni Ferdinando, can you hear me?" "Can you hear me?" "Intercepted, Mericoni Ferdinando can hear you." "Explain who's talking, over." "I am a very influential person, I'm here to help you." "If you come down at once, I'll help you to cross the ocean." "I'll personally pay for the trip." "Mericoni Ferdinando replies:" "You have a triky voice, you don't fool me, over." "Then I'll send you to jail, to prison fo life!" "Damn you!" "He is here, people!" "Open up a passage, he is an American!" "I am the American Embassy Secretary." "We have heard about it and I'm here on the Ambassador's behalf." "Tell the Ambassador that we are taking steps." "I've got handcuffs ready." " No handcuffs." " What?" "No, I've to deliver a personal message on the Ambassador's behalf." " On the Ambassador's behalf?" " Yes." " A personal message?" "To that damned acrobat?" "In order to avoid a crazy act and above all to avoid any political speculation, it would be better that we talk to the young fellow." "This is the microphone." "Mr. Bear, of the American Embassy, will talk to him." "If they give him a passport, I will be forced to resign." ""You" America!" "You, "very" America!" "OK! I am talking to you on the American Ambassador's behalf." "The Ambassador, moved by your desire to go to America," "in order to keep you alive and retain your enthusiasm," "is offering you a free trip to the United States," " where you will be given a job as well." " OK.!" "OK, I'm coming down!" "Firemen, let me down!" "America! "Happy" ERBI "for you", happy ERBI for you... OK!" "OK, boy! Nando, stay still!" "What's he doing?" "What are you doing, hitting me with a crutch?" "Nando, what's happening?" "Just a moment, Mr. Mericoni, calm down." "You had foreseen Nando's manias would end in tragedy." "But perhaps this story is only a comedy, a farce." "A farce which fate made tragic for our hero." "What would have happened if the Ambassador's envoy had not been the same American from Maranella's ravine?" "He would not have considered Nando his personal foe, he would have allowed him into his car, he would have given the unfailing speech for the occasion, quoting Abraham Lincoln George Washington..." "And then Nando would have been sent to America to chase his aspirations." "12, 27, 98, 41." "12, 27, 98, 41." "9, 8, 7, 4, 9. 8, 7, 12, 27, 98, 41." "But reality always differs from dreams." "Very different stripes wrapped Nando's head in the real ending of his incredible story." " He's been sleeping for 10 days, when will he wake up?" " Soon, signora." " Doctor, I would like some confidential information." " Please, Honourable." " How much longer is he going to be?" " Don't you worry." " I'm the one who's paying!" " I see, it should only be a matter of days." " Can we then give notice to our maid?" " You're always the same!" " All right Doctor, I trust you." " He will be back home in a few days." "Doctor, I'm his father." "When he wakes up..." " will he still have the same manias?" " No, rest assured." "A shock affected his inhibitory defences and cause him a neurosis." " Together!" " Exactly." "He will no longer be thinking of America?" "He won't pretend to be American?" "Not anymore, rest assured." "He is waking up." " Nando, you have recovered!" " Moriconi!" " Nando!" "Let him rest, look how peaceful he looks." "He has recovered." "Bye, Nando." "Bye, Nando." "(Nando, they said you've really recovered)" "(you can be sure...)"