"Hey, where is he?" "There he is!" "Oh, excuse me..." "May I?" "There you go..." "Dude, I can't believe he told my sister last night, that I would watch a movie with her and she chose "30 Minutes or Less" and it was super awkward because she got topless in it." "*** No offense." "Uh, offense taken..." "I said no offense, so you can't say that alright?" "Listen, why are you always sticking your nose in everybody's business, huh?" "Uh, hi, Danny." "I'm Justin." "I thought we had met." "And I just wanted to chill last night but of course again, you had to go and Justin things." ""Justin things"?" "Does that mean making everything more romantic by putting you into a dance spin every time you touch his shoulder?" "Whooo!" "I know you think you're being really cool right now but I can see your tiny T-Rex arm shaking..." "Please, I'm fine." "Justin, can I go up?" "Can I go up?" "Okay, that's the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life" "Come here, oh, get up..." "Look man, just so guys know to Justin something means to take something and completely ruin it." "No, it doesn't." "Oh, dirty bollocks, I spilled ketchup and Justined my pants!" " What's, uh, Danny mean?" " Oh, I'm glad you asked, you know," "Danny doesn't really have a uh, a meaning." "Except for the fact that it's more of a positive energy that emotes from the sun." "Anyway, uh, oh!" "did you see the new" ""Star Wars" trailer?" "No?" "Good." "Because, they took the force and they replaced it with the Danny." "I don't know why..." "That would never happen!" "Oh, I saw a black storm trooper in that trailer so anything can happen." "You know what?" "Let's define Danny." "Noun:" "Jerk!" "Verb:" "Jerk!" "As in you're jerking me, you're jerking your friends and you're jerking everyone!" "Sounds like a busy night." "[Theme music]" "_" "Morning Justin." "How are you doing?" "Oh, not that great.Last night while I was in bed with Candace I accidentally called her "Danny."" "Relax, they sound the same." "Hey, uh." "No, they don't and who would ever" " admit something like that?" " Well, it's not my fault man..." "His hugs are so loving that you can't help, but be truthful." "Okay, nice try but there's no search thing as a truth hug, okay?" "Oh, really." "Danny, what's your biggest regret in life?" "Uh, that's easy." "I don't have one." "[Whistles]" "Tell me!" "I wish I slept with Whitney Cummings in real life." "Anyway, man, bathroom's all yours." "I left your favorite rubber ducky in the tub for you." "Danny, I don't have a favorite rubber ducky." "They're all my children." "Hey, that's the third night in a row that Shelly's stayed here?" "Is there something going on?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's with the third degree huh?" "Why don't you back off, ese?" "No, no, no." "I know what this is." "See, whenever Danny has a secret, he gets defensive. you know something juicy..." "I'm going to get it out of you." "Ooh!" " Juice him, baby, juice him good." " What are you going to do?" "Oh no, don't sing a song please." "Oh, I won't, I won't But you know what I will do." "I will sing everything I'm doing" " like it's a Broadway musical." " No, You wouldn't dare." "[Scoffs] ♪ Yes, I would ♪" ""Candace can you help me find my phone ♪" "♪ Oh Justin, my dear here's your phone ♪ ♪ you leave it on the couch all the time ♪" "Alright, whatever, I'm just gonna read the paper and ignore you guys" "♪ Well then, I'll hover above you and see what you're pretending to read ♪" "♪ Marco Rubio." "Look!" "Donald Trump is building a wall. ♪ Ow!" "All right, you know what?" "I'm going to sing whatever I'm doing... ♪ I'm about to play a video game ♪" " No, that's mine - [Danny continues singing]" "[Continues singing in opera style]" "Stop!" "Stop!" "If you don't tell me what's going on with Shelly, I'm gonna rip out your chest hair" " Oh, uh, okay, okay." "Easy, easy..." " No?" "Let go, let go!" "Let go!" "I got ya!" "Look, okay?" "Shelly's mom lost her job so he's got to cover her rent" "So now, he's bummed that he's living with his mom, right?" "I told him not to worry." "You know, I lived with a mom before..." "Yeah, granted it wasn't my mom and so things got very sexual, but whatever..." "Danny, we have to help Shelly" "Hey, no okay?" "We're not going to help Shelly." "Alright?" "I want you to control yourself because I know, I know you get very weird, very emotional when friends are in need." "But he told me, and he made me promise never to tell anybody." "So you do..." "You know what I mean?" "It's trouble for me." "Okay?" "First off, what did I tell you about wearing your shoes on the counter?" "Second off, I'm a man." "I can control my emotions." "Really?" "Okay well then why don't you tell me how you felt this morning when you heard Adele's new single?" "***" "You don't hear it, you know, you feel it..." "Evolved..." " Oh, a picture of a little puppy." " Yeah, isn't he cute." "Don't scroll in either direction you might see a big, old, healthy penis." "Why do you always have to Burski everything?" "That means you make everything gross and penisy." "Yeah, we figured out the names for everyone in the group." "To Leslie means to guzzle an entire bottle of wine in one sitting." "And to Candace means to overuse the phrase, Leslie, you have a problem." "Hahahaha!" "What about me, guys?" "What is Bretting." "Maybe Bretting is to be in worse shape than most other gay guys." "Don't love it." "Um... um... ok, I'm feeling a bit randy recently." "What if bretting is wanting to have sex with everyone." "Oh that one's already taken by Mrs Bosma." "Oh, I love to bang." "Really?" "Even that old bimbo gets something?" "!" "Brett, I don't understand why it's such a big deal to you?" "Because you guys should know me by now." "Do you guys just think I'm some random gay British guy who is randomly tending bar in Detroit for some random reason that no one has ever explained?" "It's like you guys don't even see me." " Shelly is coming." " Come on!" "Now..." "Did you get that plan to ***" "Yeah but, how will we trick him to go upstairs and see it?" "T-t-t-t-t!" "I got this." "Oh, hey, Shelly." "There he is." "How you doing, boss?" "Look, can you help me get rid of old trash upstairs?" "Nothing major, shouldn't take that long." "Just, lots of candy and magazines and butts" "Oh, you got the right man for the job!" "What the heck?" "Why is..." "Why is Shelly going up there?" "Because, because, we tricked him into checking out his new room." "Wait a minute, hold on a second." " You told them?" " No." "I became a completely different person and kept it to myself." "Come on, Danny!" " Let's keep this thing going." " Relax." "We've got a plan." "See." "Here's what will happen." "When he comes down, I will casually mention that the bar was robbed last night." "Brett and Les, you're in charge of shock." " Oh, my God!" "I just feel so vulnerable now" " I don't know what to do." " I thought this was such a good neighbo..." " And then..." "My line is, if there was somebody living upstairs, none of this would have ever happened." "I'm really pissed off you did it that way Less hands!" "Remember, we talked about..." "Anyway, doesn't matter, point is I'll say, great idea, honey!" "Hahaha!" "We should have somebody live upstairs and then we do a quick kiss." "Mwah!" " And then, Leslie and I, we kiss..." " Except that we won't." "I say, can anybody live upstairs and crash at the bar to protect the bar." "What does everyone say?" "Leslie and I are going to kiss." "Shelly volunteers, he has a place to live and is none the wiser." "Okay, unfortunately for you, you forget about a monkey wrench in your plan." "[Monkey sounds] Me!" "Danny, do you think a monkey wrench is just a monkey holding a wrench?" "Yeah, he goes around and unscrews everybody's plans" "Anyway, ok, Shelly doesn't want your charity, all right." " We're not doing this." " Fine." "Fine." "We won't offer him to the room." "We're not going to do it," " Because, you're going to do it." " All right, man, hey, why" " the hell would I do that, huh?" " Hahahaha" "Because I've changed you." "You see, you care about the people in your life." "Go ahead, make that shocked face." "I've always hated your shocked face." "The point is, Daniel" "Radcliffe Burton, we're not going to help Shelly." "His happiness falls.." "On." "You." "Well, looks like my evening has presented itself." "Hope you guys have a good night." "Something... something on your mind?" "Uh..." "Uh, look, the bar got robbed and Justin wants somebody to stay up there to watch over the place so it won't happen again." "Can any of you guys can do it?" "[All saying no]" "Oh..." "No one can do it." "Shelly, you think you can do it?" "I mean, I guess I could." "If it will help you out." "I'll go get settled in." "Take my butt magazine." "Well, you just helped a friend in need." "You know what that makes you a freed, indeed." "You know what, I'm sick and tired of this monkey business, ok." "[Monkey sounds]" "What the hell is he doing?" "!" "I believe that's a monkey conducting business." "People of Detroit, it is now your bedtime." "I'm about to eat this edible and have some crazy dreams." "Please finish your drinks and decide if you're gonna have hot sex with the person you're talking to." "Always use a condom unless they're really hot." "Go, Lions!" " You see, it all worked out, Danny." " Guys, before I go to bed," "I have questions about that robbery I hope you can answer them." " Oh, God." "He knows." " Hey, hey, hey relax." " Oh!" "He knows!" "Oh!" " Relax" " He doesn't know the truth.." " Chill, chill, chill." "I am chilling." " Truth about what?" " Oh, that's funny..." "Haha" " We were talking, the truth about..." " Yeah, what...?" "Hey!" "That's not natural." "The truth about teen pregnancy, it's a real problem in this country, isn't that right, Danny." "So true." "That's right." "I mean babies born to adolescents has dropped." "since reaching an all-time high in 1990, but it's still a complex issue." "Research shows knowledge-based programs help decrease teen pregnancy rates." "but abstinence only without education and birth control does not." "So it's like, you are saying, what?" "I don't know how you just did that." " I don't know." " Please, relax, all right." "Just follow my lead." "That's what we're gonna do." "Dude, you're gonna lead and I'm gonna do whatever you do." "I'm amazing at it, dude, I'm like a copycat." "Rowr!" "See what I mean." " Fellas?" " Yes." "Hey, dude." " So official." " Yeah." "Tell me exactly how this robbery went down." "Well, kind of funny..." " ...not funny." " It's actually, uh, pretty simple." "Bar was robbed." "They cleared out the register." "Register was empty." "Yeah, you know... all the money." "[Overlapping chatter]" "Well now thousands... well, not thousands." "Hundreds." "Anyway..." "I got a police report" "And uh, they said the odds of catching the guy was..." "Could, could, could..." "We just don't know the answer to that question." "The point is, you know, if you had somebody living upstairs." " Then this probably wouldn't happen." " Couldn't happen again, so..." " So, that's what happened." " That's exactly..." "You guys are acting a little weird, So I want you all to answer this last question I'm going give you." "This police officer, what did he look like?" "[Overlapping replies]" "Guys!" "Guys!" "Guys!" "Guys!" "I got all that information I need." " It all makes sense to me." " Does it Shel?" "Yeah, of course, I mean," "I trust you guys." "Bring it in..." "Wait a minute, he's going for a truth hug Aaahhh!" "Scatter!" "[Screams]" "*** Good luck, Charlie." "I can't do it." "No robbery was, there Candace." "You all made it up?" "No, we were just trying to help you Shel..." "Oh!" "I hope you guys are all happy." "You made me out to look like a damn fool!" "I mean, he's wearing those pj's." "Come on man, you don't have to move out Shel..." "Yes, I do." "You violated my trust." "You turned me into a charity case." "Shel, throwing a stuffed Teddy bear at me is not going to hurt." "Whoa, man!" "Is that my computer!" "How am I supposed to look any of you in the eye now?" "Anybody got an answer." "You?" "You?" "I made this tapest..." " We were just trying to help you, Shel." " You don't understand, man, my dad was a taker, all right?" "He took from everyone, friends, family, me..." "The best gift I ever got was two tickets to Wrestlemania." "He took them and he scalped them." " You should never do that to a child." " Oh, I was 26." "But that's not the point, Danny." "The point is I promised myself I would never be a charity case like him and that's why I don't need anyone's help." "All right look, man we understand, ok, we get it." "But the problem is you let this guy in your life, all right and things is, he changes everybody, he changes all of us." "I mean, he changed me into a guy that wants to help his friend and I hate him for that, ok." "To be honest though, I think you might be Bretting the situation." "Bretting?" "What is it?" "It's to take really insignificant things like giving your friend a place to stay or taking a nickname and turn it into a huge, emotional problem like a 13-year-old girl." "I love it." "Look, the bottom line is that you have help us all the time and we're just trying to help you back." "That doesn't make you a charity case." "That makes you one of us." "Yeah, man." "You either let your pride get in the way or you don't, you know." "I appreciate what you're trying to do," " but I just don't want the room." " Really?" "All right, that's it." "Ok." "Shell, you want to know why people tell the truth in your hugs because they're so loving and caring that you can't help but be honest." "So you know what?" "Let's see how you like it" "Guys, get in." " Danny, you get into this too, please." " Ohhhh!" "Fine." "Tell the truth." "Tell us the truth." "You do really not want that room or are you too stubborn and embarrassed to take it?" " Yeah, you're right." " And will you stay up there if we promise never to mention it again?" "I promise." "And are you coping a feel of my butt right now?" "Oh, you better believe it." " Who's butt am I squeezing?" " Don't worry about it."