"Two boilermakers." "(Music finishes, applause)" "(¢Ü Romantic introduction)" "(Woman) ¢Ü Far away though I may roam, dear... ¢Ü" " Fill her up?" " Yeah." "Why don't you grab a skirt and have yourself a time?" "Why don't you...?" "Your beer's running over." "¢Ü Home to the arms I hold dear" "¢Ü Home to the arms" "¢Ü Of mother" "¢Ü Safe from this world's alarms" "¢Ü That's where I spend each night in my... ¢Ü" "Why don't they sing something gay?" "Why don't you acquire a gay viewpoint?" "It's all mental." "Smile and the world smiles with you." "Frown and you frown alone." " I'd just as soon be alone." " Gratitude." "¢Ü By that vine-covered door" "¢Ü As you stood in the gloaming" "¢Ü To welcome me home" "¢Ü Home to the arms" "¢Ü Of mother" "¢Ü Never again" "¢Ü To roam... ¢Ü" "If you could shoot craps like you shoot your mouth off, you'd be the best." " He's too brilliant." " I was feinting the guy." "How could I know he'd pass eight times?" " You was feinting him with our money!" " We're partners." " Especially now." " Put us in the soup." " No dough." " Nothing to do." "And five days to do it in!" " If you weren't so big I'd take a poke at you." " Why don't you try it?" " Save it for the Japs." " You feinted too much." "You gonna start?" "Give me one last ten spot..." "You've had it, fancy fingers." "Who d'you think you're talking to?" "Morgenthau?" "¢Ü Never again" "¢Ü To roam ¢Ü To roam, to roam ¢Ü" "(Applause)" " Where are you going?" " I got 15 cents." "I held out on you." "(¢Ü Lively jazz)" "Will you close the door, please?" " Yes, gentlemen?" " One beer." " One beer?" " One beer and no cracks." " Yes, sir." " Gonna share it or swill it down?" " Give me your relics." " Wait..." "Come on." "(Whistles) Come here." " You're the manager?" " Yes, sir." "We're a little short of cash or I'd never make you this proposition." "I was gonna save it for the museum, but when you're out on a limb, you gotta make sacrifices." " Follow me?" " I'm ahead of you." "I'm gonna let you in on the ground floor of something very, very rare." "Remember General Yama-toho committed hara-kiri?" " Possibly." " I happened to be very close by." " Big man, wasn't he?" " lmmense." "It's one of the rarest..." "Would you like to buy the flag they buried him in?" "I could let you have it very reasonable." "I have it in several sizes." "MacArthur's suspenders, the first bullet that landed in Pearl Harbor." "You can take your pick." "A piece of Japanese submarine." "Look at it this way, it becomes a German submarine." "And this way it's a piece of shell that just missed Montgomery." "Here we have the seat of Rommel's pants." "And last, but not least, we have a button from Hitler's coat." "Although that one I don't personally believe." "Wise guy!" "It's all paid for." " Oh, boy." " You said it!" " By you?" " No." "You don't have to give me no credit." "The guy at the end of the bar." " Was this from you?" " Oh, that's all right." "The waiter said something about six Marines, one beer and six straws." " He did, did he?" " Where is he?" " I already told him." " That's a nice gesture." " Don't mention it." " You want General Yama-toho's tooth?" " No, thanks." " Send it to your mother if you got one." " I already sent some souvenirs." " Here's to you." " Semper fidelis." " (All) Semper fidelis." " You know our motto, huh?" " Yeah." " Was you in the Marine Corps?" " Yeah, I was." " That's too bad." " It's all right." "Set 'em up again." "Don't you want anything else?" "I never touch anything stronger than rye whisky." "Seven ryes." "Use the beer for chasers." "Thanks." "Sure you ain't spending too fast, like fancy Felix the craps king here?" "I got paid tonight." "Besides, I'd rather spend my money on the Marines." " Guadalcanal." " A great place to be from." " Sukiyaki." " How long you out?" "From the Marines?" "I was only in a month." " That's too bad." " Hardly time to get corns." " Were you wounded?" " How could he be, in boot camp?" " He could fall off a roof." " Why would he be on a roof?" " It was chronic hay fever." " That's the worse kind." "I had a girl once had it." "If you got close, she'd sneeze in your kisser." " She wasn't so dumb." " It was the excitement." " Better luck next time." " Did you try other branches of the service?" "The army and navy will take anything." " They wouldn't take me." " My grandmother's a WAC." " What good is that?" " Why is hay fever so terrible?" "You never know when it'll hit." "One night this dame had a bowl of noodle soup in front of her and pfft!" "I was born to be a Marine." "My father was killed in Belleau Wood the day I was born." " Belleau Wood?" " The same hour." "All I ever thought of was being a Marine." "I never drank or smoked, I studied all about them." "I can tell you every battle the Marines were in from 1775 down to now." "New Providence, Fort Nassau, the second battle of Trenton." "Bonhomme Richard and the Serapis - "I've not yet begun to fight."" "Tripoli in 1805, Nukahiva in 1812, the Battle of Hatchee-Lustee River in 1837." "Vera Cruz in '46, Chapultepec, the Halls of Montezuma," "Panama in '85, Guantanamo Bay in '98." "The Philippines, the Boxer Rebellion in China, Nicaragua," "Coyotepe Hill, Fort Riviere in Haiti." "Then Chateau-Thierry, Belleau Wood, the charge at Soissons, St Mihiel." "And now Wake Island, Guam, Bataan, Corregidor..." "Guadalcanal." "They bled and died." "They gave me a big sendoff when I left home." "The band was playing, everybody hollering, my mother crying." "Everybody wondering if I'd come home a general or just a sergeant, like my father." "It's one thing to go home with that on your chest and another to go home with hay fever and a medical discharge." "You ain't been home yet?" " I wrote I was overseas." " You shouldn't do that to your mother." "I wrote letters." "I asked a kid to mail them from overseas." "Suppose he doesn't get a chance?" "It's a terrible thing to do to your mother." "You oughta be ashamed." " Your father was at Belleau Wood?" " That's right." "What was his name?" "I was at Belleau Wood." " Truesmith." " Truesmith?" "You mean Hinky Dinky Truesmith?" " That's right." " He was my sergeant." "I saw him fall." "Right then I was being born in Oakridge, California." "He got the Congressional Medal of Honor." "I grew up with it." "They hung it on me." " She lives in Oakridge?" " Who?" " Your mother." " Sure." "You oughta be ashamed of yourself." "An honour to meet you, kid." "What's your name?" "Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith." "Go ahead and laugh." "That ain't anything to laugh at." "Boys, shake hands with Hinky Dinky Truesmith's boy, Woodrow." "Corporal Candida." "Privates First Class Swinson..." "Jones." "Gillette." "My name is Heppelfinger." "Julius." "You can just call me Sarge." " Set 'em up." "Excuse me." " Certainly." " So you never knew your father well?" " No." "He fell the day I was born." "That's right." "It's hard to realise." "He was a fine-looking fella." "Not like you at all." " I know." "We've got a picture." " This is Bugsy Waluski." " Can I borrow 50 cents?" " The guy's bought you..." " Go ahead." " You oughta be ashamed." "He oughta be ashamed - his poor mother." " He never had any mother." " He's a little screwy." "He's all right." "He just got a little shot up." "Nothing serious." "So you're Hinky Tinky's boy." "I travel 100,000 miles and run into Hinky Tinky's boy." "He was a brave kid." "Not quite as old as you are." " I know." "I..." " There were 16 of us in this wood." "There'd be a German right here and he couldn't see you and you couldn't see him." "Then, all of a sudden, you'd hear the rat-tat-tat-tat..." "Oakridge." "Sure I know her number, but isn't it kinda late to be calling somebody up?" "Are you sure it's important?" "He did?" "Why didn't you say so in the first place?" "Louis is lying there holding his belly, then somebody says, "Let's draw lots!"" "But Hinky says, "I'm the sergeant." "I already won."" ""You'll hear them when I get there." And he starts through the bushes." "So there we are, all of a sudden..." " Your mother's on the telephone." " Just a minute!" " My mother?" " Yeah." "How can I talk to her if I'm overseas?" "You ain't." "You just came back with us from Guadalcanal." "You're going home tomorrow." " Going home?" " That's right." "Go on." "Are you nuts?" "He's trying to keep his mother from knowing..." " You wanna make something of it?" " Pipe down!" "Hello." "Is that you, Mama?" "Hello, Mama." "Sure I'm all right." "I never felt better in my life." "How have you been?" "Did you get my letters?" "You did, huh?" "I was afraid you'd be worried." "It's very hard to get leave these days what with the war and all." "I just got up to Frisco for this evening..." "I was wounded and honourably discharged?" "!" "Who told you I was wounded and discharged?" "Then she won't worry no more." "Mama, you'd hardly call it a wound." "It was more a scratch." "More like a fever." "Just a little fever." "Maybe it's called jungle fever." "I don't know..." "I'm not being brave, but I don't see how I can get home..." "No, I'm not seriously wounded." "I wish I was." "I said I wish I could come home, but I..." "No, they don't allow visitors where I am." "She must have known the colonel or something." "I can't say." "That's military information." "No, I'm not in jail." "What would I be doing there?" "I don't know why he said I was coming home." "He was probably talking about somebody else." "He had several calls to make." "Of course I want to come home." "Why wouldn't I?" "I'm just crazy to see you and Libby and everybody, but this is war..." "Wait a minute." "Give me that phone." "You can go home tomorrow." "I've figured it all out." " What are you talking about?" " Like rolling off a log." "Quiet." "Mrs Truesmith, this is Sergeant Heppelfinger... (¢Ü Mademoiselle From Armentieres)" " But..." " You got nothing to worry about." "It's bad enough to wear the uniform without wearing this..." "Wait a minute." "Without this medal." "I don't even remember what I got it for." "You know what he got that for?" "Some Japs was roasting a pig and the breeze was blowing it over," " so he went and got it." " That was some dish." " But..." " You gotta wear something." " You can't come back with nothing." " Not Sergeant Truesmith's son." " I just don't like the idea." " Think of your mother." "The regulations distinctly say you can wear your uniform home, but not longer than 30 days." " Suppose they paid you off..." " And you went home on foot?" " They can't tell you how to go home." " You can go by pogo stick." " Think of your mother." " The regulations..." "That only applies to Marines." "You ain't one any more." "And the regulations are elastic." "I was even a colonel for a couple of days." " And a brig com for a couple of months." " Cheese it." " How are you, boys?" " Fine, sir." "Thank you, sir." " Let's go back to my room." " Put your hand down." "Nobody'll know." "(Porter) All aboard!" " No." " Chuck his gear on." " Will you get on that train?" " No, I won't." "Don't make me!" "No..." "No!" "I don't wanna sound ungrateful." "I know you meant it for the best." "I don't mind the seven tickets." "I'm honoured to have you with me, but the uniform makes me nervous." " You can't go home without it." " I shouldn't go with it!" "And this!" "Shouldn't have lied to your mother." "I think it was for pulling a Frenchman out of a creek." " You oughta have the battle blaze." " It's bad enough like this!" " Who's gonna notice?" " Who's gonna..." "You slip off the train, we surround you, slip up a side street, your mother's waiting on the porch." " You put your arms around her..." " Right." "..slip out of uniform, salt it away in mothballs and you're home." "Everybody's happy and nobody's hep to nothing." "(¢Ü Patriotic brass band)" "(Blows whistle)" "Please!" "Will you please wait until I give you the signal?" " We're practising." " All right, then." "Go ahead and practise." "Will you please stand not here." "Go some other place." "Please." "He's been away for so long and only hearing from him twice." "Being his father's son, you can imagine the chances he would take." " Does he know about Libby?" " I don't know, Martha." "I didn't tell him." "It isn't your problem." "You're engaged to me and that's it." "I know, but a homecoming means to find everything the way you left it, at least for a while." " Will he be heartbroken?" " I don't know." "If he waited a year longer there might have been three of us to welcome him." " Shut up." " That's what marriage is for." "If you look at it from an unromantic standpoint, like a breeding farm." " If you don't find it stirring - the return of..." " A hero?" "A hero." "If you don't find it heart-warming..." "I tried to get into the army by every means." "I lied about my condition." " I know." " It isn't my fault I have..." "Chronic hay fever." "I know that, Forrest." "I've heard it a thousand times." "But since you bring it up, I'll remind you that Woodrow also had hay fever." "(Sniffs)" "Your father wants you." " He broke it off." "Her skirts are clean." " I don't know anything about it." "I'm very happy for you, Mrs Truesmith." " Of course you are." " Will you tell him I'm marrying Forrest?" "No, Libby." "That's up to you." " Will you, Aunt Martha?" " I should say not." "It wasn't my fault." "I would have waited forever." "He asked me not to." "He wrote he didn't love me any more." "Maybe you should have read between the lines." "What do you mean, I don't speak first?" "If anybody does, it's the Mayor." "I..." " (Tuba blasts)" " Quiet!" "Very well." "I'm merely the chair of the reception committee." " But I..." " Did you bring the keys to the city?" " Yes, Father." " I don't want to pull out my pen." " Why don't you let Mr..." " If it's all the same to you..." " Woodrow's popular in this town, Doc." " He deserves to be." "Has the same thought occurred to you that flashed in my mind?" " Probably." " Aha." "As I visualised it, the ceremony began with a little girlie with flowers..." " In her grimy mitts." "I've heard her before." " Whatever you say." "She forgets her lines till rigor mortis sets in." "" " Then you arrange the reception." " It's better for you to talk after Bissell." " Have it your own way." "I'm only the Mayor." " Thank you very much." "Not in front of the Mayor." "Out on the fringe somewhere." "You'd think it was a political campaign." "Did you bring the keys to the city?" "Yes, Father." " Mrs Noble..." " Call me Myrtle." "Would it be all right if I didn't tell Woodrow I'm engaged now?" " (All) What?" "!" " It would not be all right." "What are you talking about?" "Not to spoil his homecoming by striking a sour note." " Thanks!" " I didn't mean that." " Of course it's all right." "I understand." " I'm not so sure I do, Mother." "That's because you're not a woman." "I'd be willing to pretend I wasn't married to your father for weeks." " Make it months." " Don't talk that way in public." "We understand perfectly." " You go and kiss him all you like." " Thank you." " I'll say something about that." " She can kiss him on the cheek." "Of all the nonsense!" "Two men telling us how to welcome a hero!" "Not in the middle." "Out in the suburbs." "Yes, please..." "Out in the suburbs." "Listen." "I begin with Mademoiselle From Armentieres," " then Hail The Conquering Hero." " You do?" "Then what are you playing?" "There'll Be A Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight." " Who plays Home To The Arms Of Mother?" " I do." " Who are you?" " Eddie." " I thought I did that." " Who are you?" " Teddy." " Eddie?" "Teddy?" " I start with Hail The Conquering Hero." " Who is talking about that?" " I am." " No, no." "You play...." "O Death, where is thy sting?" "We don't know that." "All we know is Hail The Conquering Hero." " We only formed last week." " Wait a minute." "You'll have her all your life." "Let him have her for an hour." " This is war, you know." " You know what Sherman said about it." "You take Mademoiselle and Hail The Conquering Hero." "Eddie takes Arms Of Mother and you play anything." "Can anybody play Let Me Call You Sweetheart?" "I can take it after Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight." "I can take it and let Teddy play Hail the Conquering Hero." "If you want to upset all my plans." "I've only had one morning to do this." " I'm sorry." " Play anything you like!" " Yes." " What is it, madam?" "I'm here to help, for nothing, but I got to have cooperation." " Cooperation, yes." " I sing to him in seven flats..." " Yes." " But he won't play in seven flats." " We can't." "We're not musicians." " You don't have to tell me." " Just do it in your own key." " Why don't we..." "They're really very nice." "I'll hug Woodrow as if he'd never written me that letter." " That's a very sweet thought." " Shall I hold your engagement ring?" "It's not only my mother." "I've got a girl." "I did have." "What did you tell her?" "You was in the navy?" "I told her I fell for somebody else so she wouldn't wait." " What are you gonna tell her now?" " Say you're married." " What good is that?" "Say you're divorced." " I'm no good at lying." " Maybe she doesn't care any more anyway." " Is your mother a good cook?" " Wonderful." " You're lucky." "I don't feel lucky!" "Suppose I should meet someone I know at the station?" "We'll surround you." "You've got nothing to worry about." " I hope not!" " Oakridge!" " Don't do that." " Keep cool." "What can happen?" " Does she put up preserves?" " Yes!" "What can happen?" "Anything can happen!" "Stop changing things!" "Everything was clear..." "Where is Mamie?" " She's always disappearing." " It's the excitement." "Here comes the train!" "(¢Ü Band plays Mademoiselle From Armentieres)" "Not yet!" " (¢Ü Home To The Arms Of Mother)" " Not yet!" " (¢Ü Hail The Conquering Hero)" " I didn't tell you...!" " What's that music?" " Brush you up, gents?" " What's that music?" " The reception." " The reception?" " Just six bands and all the officials." " Let me out of here!" " It's probably for somebody else." "It says, "Welcome Woodrow"." "Let me out of here!" "You give me that bag." "Open that up and let me out." "I'll hide in there." " Make my apologies." " Not in the station." " I'll get off in my underwear." " We're just pulling in." "No, goddamn it!" "(¢Ü Bands play different tunes)" " They got four bands." "Only one medal." " Four bands?" "Take that off." " You're making a big mistake!" " Think of your mother." " Take those hash marks off." " Give me my other suit!" "(¢Ü Mademoiselle From Armentieres)" "(Cheering)" "(¢Ü Hail The Conquering Hero)" "All right, all right." "Welcome." "Quiet, please." "Quiet." " (Whistle)" " Please, quiet!" "We're all ready for the reception." "All right, Mamie." "Welcome, young warrior." "Your city rejoices at your safe homecoming and takes great pleasure in presenting you with this beautiful bunch of...delphini-mimums." "(¢Ü Band plays No Place Like Home)" " (Whistle)" " Welcome home, my boy." "Silence." "His Honour, the Mayor." "Friends, voters... returning hero... and ex-employee of the Noble Chair Company - seats of all description!" "Home to the arms of your mother... (¢Ü Home To The Arms Of Mother)" "(Whistle)" "No, no, no, no!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "It is with a sense of deep humility that I hail this conquering hero." "(¢Ü Hail The Conquering Hero)" "No!" "(Whistling)" "No, no, no!" "Not until I tell you, please." "I say..." "I say!" "Quiet!" "It is with a sense of deep humility that I welcome this young Marine." "(Cheering)" "Actions speak louder than words." "Here are his words." "(Cheering)" "From the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli!" "(¢Ü The Marines Hymn)" "No, no, no!" "(Whistle)" "No, no, no!" "¢Ü From the Halls of Montezuma" " ¢Ü To the shores of Tripoli ¢Ü" " One, two... (¢Ü Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight)" "Do anything you like." " ¢Ü We fight our country's battles ¢Ü" " All right, boys." "(¢Ü Mademoiselle From Armentieres)" "(¢Ü Hail The Conquering Hero)" "I said, it is with a great and deep humility..." "Go away!" "Aah!" "I present you with the keys to the city." "But Mr Mayor..." "I wish he'd told us he was bringing six friends." "I don't know what we'd have done if everybody hadn't been so kind." " (Doorbell)" " I'll get it." " (Knocking)" " Oh, dear." "I just brought over a few little knick-knacks." "That's kind, Mr Schultz, but I don't have a point left." " It's all complimentary..." " Mr Schultz..." "Quiet." "Including the points, with the compliments of Schultz's Market." "Put it right here." "Everybody's been so kind." " I wish I was a Marine." " You will be." "It'll probably be over by the time I'm big enough." " From your mouth to heaven's ear." " How many Nips did he get?" "I don't know, Teddy." "I hope he wasn't too bloodthirsty." " Ah-ah-ah!" " Quiet." "If there is anything else, when we're open or closed, Teddy will be happy to run over." " I'm bow-legged now!" " Raus!" "Goodbye, Mrs Truesmith." "I'm very happy for you." "One in the family is enough to lose." "(¢Ü Band plays Home To The Arms Of Mother)" " Here they are." " I just have time to wash for church." " Do I look all right?" " Of course you do." "That's that." "That was certainly a great idea you had!" "What?" "Everything was lovely." "I thought your speech was very moving." " Thank you." "Excuse me." " I have something to tell you." "You'll have to wait... (Sneezes)" "Woodrow." " Hello, Mama." " Where are you going?" " To put on my blue suit." " We'll be late for church." " Then we'll be late." " Why can't you wear your uniform?" " You look so nice." " It's against regulations." " I think that's ridiculous." " So do I." "Your grandfather wore his Civil War uniform all his life." " Kept having new ones made." " To remember that brother fought brother." " His case was different!" " Hurry up, dear." "Go ahead." " He seems to be a little upset." " That's only natural, dear." " He has jungle fever." " Jungle fever?" "They run through the woods without any clothes on and knives in their teeth." "No, they don't at all." "The Marines always dress very nice." "Of course they do." "You must be Sergeant Heppelfinger." "Pleased to meet you." "Shake hands with..." " How did Woodrow take the news?" " I haven't had a chance to tell him yet." "You knew my sergeant." "I want you to see him." "I want you all to see him." " There he is." " Attention!" "Thank you." "He looks so young compared to me." "Now I have two heroes." "I have eight heroes." "You can sure put me on your flag." "I sure ain't got anybody else." "I'd be very proud to." " (Church bell)" " Oh." "We're going to be late." "Woodrow?" "Woodrow." "Martha, don't let the turkey burn." "You don't have to tell me how to cook a turkey." "Never burned one..." " Everything went perfect." " Sure." "Except that I'm a haunted man." "I wish that's all I ever had to worry about." "Can I have your autograph, Woodrow?" "(¢Ü Hymn)" "¢Ü Home sweet home" "(Loudly) ¢Ü Our home forever" "¢Ü All the pilgrim journey past" "¢Ü Welcomed home to wander never" "¢Ü Saved through Jesus" "¢Ü Home at last ¢Ü" "And now I have a very pleasant task to perform." "Usually on Sundays I have to scold you a little because that is what I am paid to do and I try to earn my keep." "But today is a day of rejoicing." "Home from the hills cometh a hunter." "Home from the wars, the hero." "Homecoming - what a beautiful word." "Home to the arms of his mother, the widow of yet another hero cut down in the bloom of young manhood." "The arms of a mother who struggled through poverty and privation to raise her son rightly and courageously, that he might follow in the honourable footsteps of his father." "The years were hard, not always was there work, and the winds of reality blew coldly against this frail woman, protecting her infant son." "She had one possession - her home." "The little white house at the end of Oak Street." "The home of heroes." "She clung to it tenaciously, but one day she came to the end of her rope and a mortgage was her only solution." "I have here the document in question, purchased by the grateful citizens of our township." "Purchased with deep respect by the grateful citizens of our township, who have asked me to perform the following ceremony." "You will notice I have nothing up my sleeve." "(Laughter)" "(¢Ü Organ swells)" "Everybody has been so kind." "Very nice, Reverend." "Everything went perfect, huh?" " It was beautiful." " How do I pay it back?" "They should have done it a long time ago for your old man." " Wait till they find out." " Who's gonna?" " Woodrow, we want your opinion." " On what?" " The monument." " Monument?" "General Zabriskie has the choice spot, but he's been there ages." " What monument?" " Didn't you know?" "We're raising you a monument by public subscription." " Better to do it while it's hot." " Wait a minute..." "Something modest in granite." "Bronze is impossible to get." "To our first hero." "If anybody deserves a monument it's my father, not me." " That's right." " You're both on it, shaking hands." "It's called Like Father, Like Son." "In front of the station there's a plot and..." "Did I say something wrong?" " You haven't told him?" " I didn't get a chance." "If I started to, a band played or they burned his mortgage..." " Or raised him a statue." " I can't help it." " I suppose you're proud of him." " Yes." "I grew up with him." " So did I." " You're just jealous." " Well, make it snappy." " Of course." "What sentimental nonsense and seven hungry men to feed." "Oh, boy." " Hey." " What?" " What do I do now?" " Let it blow over." " Did you ever see a statue blow over?" " Be hard to please." "They want standing, you want sitting." "They want shaking hands, you don't." "They want it by the station, you want it where Zabriskie is." "One day they say, "Do you want it or not?" and you say, "ln that case, no."" " What do I do about the mortgage?" " You could..." " I didn't get you in this." " You did!" "I was gonna hide..." "A Marine never hides!" "Semper Fidelis means "face the music"." " It means "always faithful"." " Faithful to your mother." "It doesn't mean faithful to your mother." "What?" "You're home, your mother's happy - did you see that look?" "Your girl loves you" " and the town gave you a nice reception." " I'll say." " I wish I was in your shoes." " So do I." "I don't wanna sound ungrateful." "I thank you..." "Everything is perfect except for a few details." "They hang people for details!" "What?" "I've been a hero, if you can call it that, for 25 years and does anybody ask me what I done?" "If they did I could hardly tell them, I always tell it so different." " By Tuesday it'll be forgotten." " I hope you're right." " I know I'm right." "Take General Zabliskie." " Zabriskie." "Where did he tend bar?" "They bought him at an ironworks that was going bust." "He was just a bargain." "Well, only you knows it." "All everybody else knows is, he's a hero." "He's got a statue and the birds sit on it." " Except without birds, I'm in the same boat." " Now, look..." " Woodrow?" " Yes?" " Can I see you for a few moments, please?" " Certainly." "Woodrow!" "Dinner's on the table." "You too, Sergeant." " You come along too, Libby." " Thank you." "I..." "Come on, Libby." "Just a little pie to fill in the cheeks." "I'll have to eat it in little pieces." "Aren't you hungry, Woodrow?" "I guess the excitement twisted my stomach." " It's the fever." " No, that never bothers me at all." "Except... (Sneezes)" " You see?" " Not at all." "It's nothing... (Sneezes)" " Don't blow the house down now it's ours." " Wasn't that a lovely gesture?" "This is the happiest day of my life." "Woodrow, would you come outside with me a moment?" "There's something I have to tell you." " Sure." " (Knocking)" " Here it comes." " Here what comes?" " I'll see what it is." " What's the matter?" " Does he feel hot?" " I don't feel hot!" "If anything I feel... (Sneezes)" "Judge Dennis, Doc Bissell and a lot of other men want to see you." "They're in the parlour." " What about?" " They didn't tell me." " They probably wanna baptise a baby here." " What's the matter, dear?" "Good afternoon, Judge Dennis." "There you are, Woodrow." "Where are the medals?" "Oh... oh, the medals." "I just wore those to get off the train." "I suppose I shouldn't have." "If good men wore medals it wouldn't be so hard to tell the good from the bad." "I guess that's right." "Well, I'm ready." "I guess I deserve it." "You certainly do, beyond question." " Goodbye, Mama." " Who told you?" " I can put two and two together." " What do you mean?" " Aren't you going to take me somewhere?" " No." "We're going to do it here." " Oh, yeah?" " There's something rotten in this town." " I know." " That's why we're here." "I don't see why you have to do it in front of my mother." "Let's get on." "The trouble with our party is everybody talks too long." " That's the trouble with all parties." " There's something rotten here..." "Don't rub it in." "I'm ready." "Nothing you can put your finger on, but something you can feel." "It's like the town was selfish." "Everybody thinking about little profits and how not to pay taxes and reasons for not buying bonds and not working too hard and not working at night because daytime is nicer." "Things that are all right in peacetime - thrift and relaxation - that made many a fortune, but are plain dishonest in wartime." " That's right." " Our motto is "Business as usual", but we feel wartime ain't a usual time and business as usual is dishonest." "So we need an honest man for Mayor." "An honest man who'll tell us the truth about something he knows about." "An honest man who can win." "We got an honest man, but nobody votes for him except his brother and his wife." "And I'm not even sure about her." "I have everything but popularity." "Woodrow, we want you to take Doc Bissell's place." " The right shall prevail." " Right!" "But I'm not a veterinary." "I hardly know one end of a horse from another." "(Laughter)" "We want you to run for Mayor in the coming election." " You want me to run for M-M-Mayor?" " Three cheers for the new Mayor!" " Hip-hip-hip..." " Hooray!" " You're making a..." " Hooray!" " Hip-hip-hip..." " Hooray!" "(Whistle)" "Ladies and gentlemen, our new Mayor!" "(¢Ü Band plays For He's A Jolly Good Fellow)" "First, a few words from Doc Bissell." "(Cheering)" "I'll be even briefer than usual." "You know what I stand for and you know what I'm against." "Our party is fortunate in having found a worthier standard-bearer than I have been or ever could be." "A man who fought for you overseas and who will fight for you here, and win!" "(Cheering)" "For the good of our party, for the good of our town and its war effort, for the good of the United States," "I herewith ask you to vote for Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith!" "(Cheering)" "Before introducing our principal speaker," "I wish to point out that he appears before you not as a hero, not with decorations he so heroically won and so richly deserves, but as a simple citizen, a home-town boy back home." "(Cheering)" "I need say no more of the character of this man than that he refused to wear his medals!" "(Cheering)" "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr Truesmith." "(¢Ü Mademoiselle From Armentieres)" "(Whistles)" "Ladies and gentlemen..." "I, er..." "I, er..." "I wish I were dead." "(Cheering)" "You're making a big mistake!" "No!" "I, er..." "I, er..." "I love my mother very much." "He has a natural flair for politics." "But she shouldn't have told you I was coming home and made all that fuss." "I really don't deserve it." "Oh, go on." "Don't mention it." "There are many, many men - any one of these young men, for instance - far, far more deserving than myself." "(Crowd) Aw!" "The medals you could practically say were pinned on by mistake." "(Laughter)" "I want you to believe me." "I've known all of you all my life." "I mowed your lawns, I delivered milk for your babies." "I even know the dogs and cats." " The milk and baby part is remarkable." " He could be President." "Nothing would be dearer to my heart than to be worthy of the honour you offer me." "I wish I could accept it." "Yes!" "I'm no hero." "(Cheers)" "I haven't had Doc Bissell's long experience with... with animals." " There is the man for you!" " No, no." "I thank you." "I never saw so many things happen in one day in my life." " Wonderful, wonderful!" " Woodrow." "That's as fine a political speech as I've heard since Bryan and the crown of thorns." " You don't need lessons from me." " Just one suggestion." "I wouldn't play down the hero part so much." " But I'm not a hero." " They like it, you know." " The Sergeant's taking care of it." " What are you talking about?" " (Sergeant)..about Woodrow." " What?" "I don't know how he'll take this." "He's so modest, I'm pretty sure he ain't gonna like it at all." "I may get a sock on the jaw before I'm through." "What's he saying?" "Anyway, I'll just give you one sample of his courage and resourcefulness." "I'm gonna tell you how he saved my life." "He can't do that." "Woodrow, relax." "We're on the beach at Tenaru Bay." "All of a sudden we hear, "Here they come." "Take cover!"" "And out of the jungle come 200 or 300 Japs preceded by a hail of bullets." "I turn and my foot catches in..." "I didn't see what it was." "I was kind of in a hurry." "But I'm stuck." "I'm lost." "Now a voice says, "Keep cool, pal,"" "and beside me, I see Woodrow!" "(¢Ü Band strikes up)" "(Whistle)" "Not yet!" "Not yet!" " It's doing you a lot of good." " But I'm not running for Mayor." " You're not running?" " You couldn't stop it." " A miracle couldn't stop it." " Don't drink that." "It's cooking wine." "Well, I'm cooked!" "Jing!" "He got another one." "Jang!" "Another one hits the deck." "He cops two with the butt end of his gun." "We ducked and then jing, jing!" "And two more bite the dust." "Now he picks up a machine-gun." "Ack-ack-ack-ack..." "Ack-ack-ack-ack..." "But the Japs kept coming and he kept firing." "The gun got hot, his hands were burning, but Woodrow stuck to his post." "I could hear them." "Then I got hit." "Somebody pulls me to safety." "I open my eyes and who do I see but Woodrow!" "(Cheering)" "Once again, you have chosen me to be your Mayor..." "Applause." "And, once again, I accept the charge." "Make that responsibility." "I accept the responsibility..." "Make that deep responsibility." "I accept the deep responsibility..." " No, just plain responsibility." " I wish you'd make up your mind." " What?" " And don't go so fast." " Where's Libby?" " She'll be back." "She's still my secretary, no matter who she marries." " What do you mean?" " I mean even if she is engaged to you." "Where was I?" ""Once again, you have chosen me to be your Mayor..." "Applause." ""And, once again, I accept the charge." "Make that responsibility." ""Make that deep responsibility." "No, just plain responsibility."" "Are you simple-minded?" "I accept the responsibility with both humility, satisfaction and gratitude." " You dictated plain responsibility." " Responsibility without adjectives!" "Jumping Jehosephat!" "Where was I?" "Don't tell me." "I accept the responsibility with a sense of both humility, satisfaction... and gratitude." "You can't say, "both humility, satisfaction and gratitude"." "Both means two and humility, satisfaction and gratitude is three." " I can't say it?" " You cannot." " I've been saying it for years." " It isn't correct grammar." "I'm not running on a platform of correct grammar." "I let it slop over a little." "It gives a homely feeling." "Horny hands and honest hearts." "Where was I?" " "Both humility, satisfaction and gratitude."" " Take out humility." " Leave it in." " Take it out!" "Do as I tell you instead of sitting there like a nincompoop trying to annoy me." "Just because your girlfriend is with someone else." " What?" " Where was I?" " "Both satisfaction and gratitude."" " And humility." " What are you gaping at?" " Nothing." " Cut it out." "Now..." " (Door opens)" " It's about time." " I'm sorry." " I'll take it, Forrest." " I trust the conquering hero is home?" " Have you been crying?" " Let's get this speech out of the way." "Dictating to my son is like dictating to a sponge." " Mr Noble..." " Without further interruptions." " If it's all the same to you." " Yes." " Why are you crying?" " Fight it out later." "Where was I?" ""Both humility, satisfaction and gratitude." You can't say that." " Both means two and..." " Permit me to dictate my own speech." " Sorry." " Well!" "As owner of the Noble Chair Company - seats of all descriptions " "I am to most of you..." "make that many of you... make it some of you - your employer." "But as Mayor of our fair city, I am to all of you, your servant." "It's a nice twist." " Mine not to reason why, mine but to..." " Do or die." "When I want your assistance, I'll ask for it." " Mine but to..." " What are you looking at?" " Nothing." " Well, cut it out." " (Cheering)" " Mine but to..." "What's all that hollering?" "It's for Woodrow." "Doc Bissell and everyone came up..." "That's natural." "So long as they don't overdo it." "Now..." ""Mine not to reason why, mine but to..."" "Hearken and obey." "Heaven knows, I did not seek this distinction, but since you force it upon me, what alternative have I...?" " Save your voice." " What's the matter?" " Bissell's retired in favour of Woodrow." " Woodrow?" " We've got a fight." " Who I welcomed at the station?" "Real opposition." "That boy made the loveliest speech..." "Will you shut up?" "He's running for Mayor?" " That's right." " He was shy, but so manly..." " Running against me?" " I was trying to tell you." " He can't, with the election two days off." " He can and he has." " You can use all your oratory." " He certainly cannot." "It's illegal." "Any loose character fresh from the penitentiary could come along..." "Woodrow isn't a loose character and he's fresh from the battlefield." " It was a figure of speech." " I don't like it." " Father didn't mean that." " Whose side are you on anyway?" " The romantic side, dear." " I don't want spies in my office." "Father, please." " He doesn't mean that, Libby." " Yes, I do." " You don't have to have me here." " This is your son's fiancee." " She isn't my fiancee." " She's going to live in your house." " I'll move into the doghouse first." " Then goodbye." "Goodbye, Miss whatever your name is." " Libby..." " Abandon the sinking ship." "You're not sunk yet." "You're popular in some quarters." "His name isn't even on the ballot." "He's a write-in candidate." "That's what the blank space is for." "That's not what it's for." "It's to put the date on..." "Call my lawyer." "I am, but it's a free country - they can vote for anyone they like." " That's disgraceful!" " I know, but that's how it is." " Does he have a chance?" " Did you ever see a snow slide?" "Hello, Max?" "We all are, a bit." "That boy risked his life so the Noble Chair Company can make its 12%." " Business as usual!" " It makes 24%, just enough for its taxes." "Politicians talk that way." "Woodrow's probably calling Father an old windbag." " If he is, he's right." " Thank you." "I'm sorry." "We all are a little upset, I guess." "You weren't going to stay on as Father's secretary anyway." " Was I going to stay home and weave?" " You might take care of your children," " with this servant problem." " Thanks for warning me." " You mean that?" " Of course I don't." "It's your father talking about people he doesn't know!" "He's your children's grandfather." "If I thought they'd look like him..." " I don't look like him." " I've noticed that." "I pin my hopes on it." " We're getting a little disagreeable." " We are." "With the hero home, do you feel differently about me?" "No." "I feel exactly the same as I've always felt." "You're upright, honourable, tall, handsome and wealthy" " and what any girl would hope for." " Thank you." "I just wish Woodrow hadn't come home exactly when he did." " What he got to do with us?" " It just spoils things a little." " Should I offer you to him?" " Don't talk like an idiot." ""Here, noble hero, she's my fiancee, but I'm only a civilian," ""so if you'd rather have her, help yourself, don't stand on ceremony."" " He doesn't want me." " You asked him?" "I did not." "I'm engaged to you." "I had plenty of time to think about it before I accepted you." "A girl who changed her mind all the time wouldn't be much good." " She wouldn't be much good to me." " To anybody." "Thank you." "Where's your ring?" "My aunt has it." "I was afraid of losing it in all the excitement." " Oh." "How did he take the news?" " Woodrow?" "How many people did you have to break it to?" "I didn't get the chance to tell him." " You haven't told him?" " I didn't get the chance." "What have you been doing, basking in his glory?" " I didn't get an opening." " I'll create an opening." " No." " Holy mackerel!" " Don't sound like your father." " When will you tell him?" "I'll go over in a little while." " Wear something pretty." " I will." " Try not to break his heart." " I won't." " Will I see you any more tonight?" " No." " Then good night." " Good night, dear." "You haven't got any more boyfriends in the army, navy, the Marines?" "No, dear." "He was the only one." "(Sobbing)" "Well, that's the war for you." "It's always hard on women." "Either they take your men away and never send them back at all or they send them back unexpectedly to embarrass you." "No consideration at all." "There, there, there." "(¢Ü Band plays stirring music)" "When I say surrounded, I mean surrounded!" " One for the little girl..." " "We want Woodrow for our Mayor."" " M-A-R-E?" " What have horses got to do with it?" " Good thing this food came in." " Good thing Woodrow came in." "Win with Woodrow!" "One Woodrow Special." "That means the best of everything." "Win with Woodrow." "Be careful." "The ink is still fresh." "Wait!" "He's running towards us carrying a machine gun." "He's fooled 'em!" "Their guns chatter, but he's reached the trees." "We're saved." "Your mother told you not to drink that." "Am I four years old?" "Give me that." "Do like she tells you." "You made her enough trouble." " I made her trouble?" " Right." "You made me trouble!" "You and your mother complex." " You take one more crack at your mother..." " Who's taking cracks?" "All I said was..." " Well, don't say it." " Are you nuts?" " Maybe." " Woodrow!" "Isn't it wonderful?" "I'm so proud of you." "We're short of sugar." "Oh, my boy." " You see that look in her eyes?" " Yes." " That's what we're working for." " Get it through your thick skull..." "You're on." "Shoot them some bull about how you was in a hot spot with and ringtails comin' from all sides, and who should come along..." "Will you quit telling lies and getting me in deeper and deeper?" " Let 'em enjoy it." " Tell 'em about me and Smithy?" "Sure." "Only you be Smithy and he's gotta be you and you both gotta come out alive." "Everything's going great." "You're gonna win." " An election based on fraud..." " Fraud?" "You was in the Marines." "I didn't expect this any more than you, but now it's happened, let it happen." "They want heroes." "We've got six." "Throw in a seventh, who's counting?" "We're doin' it for your ma." "They say opportunity's only got one hair on his head and you gotta grab it or you miss your chance." " I don't want any part of it." " Well, you got it." "Don't you see?" "This is all based on lies!" "What lies?" "You put on the wrong blouse when the train came in." " The lies they're telling out front." " Lies?" "Those boys are telling the truth." "They changed the names so as not to give out military information." "Anyway, those ain't lies, those are campaign promises." "They expect them." "(Knocking)" " Hello, Woodrow." " Hello, Libby." " Gee, you look lovely." " Thank you." "You shouldn't drink too much of that stuff." " Are you gonna start now?" " I'm only thinking of your own good." "People are thinking about my own good so much they're gonna land me in the hoosegow." " You've been nipping." " I have not been nipping." " I'll tell you..." " I have something to tell you." "The less you're seen with me, the better it is for you." "It's for your good." " I don't want to cash in on your glory." " Who said anything about that?" "I came to tell you I'm going to marry Forrest Noble next Sunday." " I didn't tell you all day..." " That's marvellous." "..because I didn't want to spoil your homecoming." "That's the best news I heard all day." " You feel that way?" " I don't have to worry about you." "I think it's marvellous too and I hope I never see you again as long as I live." "Here's your frat pin." "Wait a minute, will you?" " You've got to address the crowd." " They won't accept substitutes." " I am not going to address the crowd." " That's no way to run for Mayor." " I'm not running for Mayor." " You are." " Like it or not." " You've been drafted." " Can they do that?" " They've done it." " Listen to them." " (¢Ü Band plays)" " You listen to them." " (¢Ü Faint singing)" "Beautiful." "¢Ü Win with Woodrow" "¢Ü Win with Woodrow" "¢Ü Let's give Everett the air" "¢Ü Up with Woodrow" "¢Ü Down with Noble" "¢Ü Let's kick Evvy off the chair" "¢Ü Up our hero goes" "¢Ü And down this zero goes cause... ¢Ü" "It's just like Lincoln said." "You can fool all the people part of the time and part of the..." " Where'd he go?" " What happened?" " What do you want?" " (Sneezes) Don't you turn against me." "When?" "I've been loyal to you all my life." "You broke off with me." "I would have waited for always." "I asked my fiance's permission to welcome you and I defended you all afternoon and got fired for it by Mr Noble and almost broke off my engagement and you say I'm turning against you!" " I'm sorry." "Will you cut that out?" " No." "You caused me enough trouble with everybody saying I threw you over for Forrest." "As if I'd do such a thing." "I couldn't show everyone your letter telling me you'd found somebody else." "As is your right." "And I'm deeply in love with Forrest." "Then you had to come back..." " A heel." " A hero." "So now they can say, "See?" "She got just what she deserved."" "Cut it out." "I've got enough trouble." " Oh, you have?" " And how!" "I should say so." "You could have any girl in town and you get a monument and they burn your mother's mortgage and you're going to be married." " And I'm going to marry Forrest." " You said you loved him." " Yes, but what's that got to do with it?" " Listen to 'em." "¢Ü Down this zero goes" "¢Ü Cause we want Woodrow for our Mayor ¢Ü" " Libby?" " What?" " You don't know how well off you are." " You'll just make me feel worse." "If you knew what a heel I was, you'd be happy." " I am happy and I know you're a heel." " You do?" "Anybody who could write a letter like that after we parted like we parted." " You don't know." " I don't want to know about her, whether she's tall or short, thin or fat or blonde." "I just hope she's awful!" "No, I don't." "I hope she's beautiful and that you have ten children by her." " Is she?" " If you only knew." "Well, I don't want to know." "Well..." "I guess you have to start being grown-up sometime." "It might as well be now." "It's a beautiful night." " Great!" " Are you worried about something?" " Who, me?" "How could I be?" " Don't you wanna be Mayor?" "Of course." "I'd like a million dollars too." "Of course, I don't know what it's like to be famous." "I suppose it has its drawbacks." "But I think you'd be so proud, so satisfied." "I know I am for you, no matter how I talked there." " I'm gonna be famous all right." " I was so proud even sitting beside you." " Remember we used to come here?" " Naturally." "I thought you'd forgotten." "So much can happen in a year." " So much can happen in a day." " I suppose so." "Were you surprised when they nominated you?" "Surprised is not the word for it." " Oh." "Excuse me." " It's all right." " Did you think of me in Guadalcanal?" " No." " I guess that's a pretty busy place." " I guess so." " I thought of you in other places." " Where?" " Just other places." " I'm so glad." "Even though it can only be a memory now." "Remember we cut our initials in the tree?" " Naturally." " They're still there." " Why wouldn't they be?" " They'll always be there." " Unless something happens to the tree." " I'd never allow it." "You'd be better off to chop the tree down and forget me." "That's why I'm so glad you're gonna marry Forrest." "There's no hope for Mom." "She'll have to leave town." "You can say you suspected all along and that's why you broke off with me." "Forrest is all right if you like people like that." "Then you won't get hurt." "Outside of Mom, you're the only thing in the world I care for, that matters." "That letter I wrote was the hardest thing I ever did in all my life." "I thought about you every night, every morning and every afternoon." "Every girl I saw reminded me of you and every flower..." "I wanted to send to you." "That's why I'm so happy, because you've had such a narrow escape." " I think you're a little bit feverish." " I'm just a little bit phoney." " You, a phoney." " No need to tell anyone." "They'll find out soon enough." "I'm never gonna be Mayor." "I've never been in Guadalcanal, I've never won any medals," "I've never even been in the Marine Corps, really." " You've had a very hard day." " Yes, but wait till tomorrow." "I don't think you're feeling well." "Who, me?" "I never felt better in my life." "I never felt worse." " You'll be all right, dear." " I suppose you despise me now." "Despise you?" "How can you despise anybody you love?" "Even though you are engaged to another man." "I'll love you as long as I live." "You might as well know in our last few moments." "I don't think you understood." "I'm a phoney." "I'm a fake." "I'm..." " You're trying to make me feel better." " I am not." "I'm never going to feel any better." "I'm just broken-hearted, Woodrow." " Wait a minute, Libby..." " Hey!" "(Whistles)" "Here he is." "I almost thought you took it on the lam." "Excuse me." "Will you tell Libby I've never been in Guadalcanal and I'm a phoney?" "Sure." "He's never been in Guadalcanal." "He's never been no place." "None of us have." "We're all phonies." "Especially after a hard day, only sometimes we're more phoney than others." " He just needs a good night's sleep." " What are you trying to pull?" "A good rest, instead of trying to make a sucker out of the Marine Corps." " Get your arms away from me!" " We all get it." " Good night, Woodrow." " Good night." " Take him away!" " No, Libby." "You're making a mistake." "¢Ü We want Woodrow" "¢Ü We want Woodrow for our Mayor" "¢Ü Win with Woodrow, win with Woodrow... ¢Ü" "Of all the cheesy songs I ever heard, that one takes the cracker." "(Coughs)" " Feel better?" " No." " Why don't you eat your dinner?" " How can you think of food?" "You gotta live." "It would turn my stomach." "What do they say?" " Everything looks great." " They did?" " For Woodrow." " Oh." "¢Ü We want Woodrow for our Mayor" "¢Ü Win with Woodrow, win with Woodrow... ¢Ü" "Don't chew with your mouth open." "I'm irritable." "I don't blame you." "Are you gonna eat it or aren't you?" "Why did he have to come back at a moment like this?" "Why couldn't he have come back after the election?" "I don't want to sound unpatriotic, but a man like that belongs in Guadalupe..." "Guadalcanal." "In a war like this, every man must do what he does best and what he does best he does in Guadalcanal." " (Mumbles)" " Eh?" "A boy like that needs exercise and violent physical conflict to keep him fit." " He'll be lost in a town like this." " You don't have to persuade me." " What I'm trying to say..." " I know." "I've been listening." "Do you always eat backwards?" "I don't think he wants to be Mayor." " What does that mean?" " Everybody wants to be Mayor." "Everybody but me." "With me it's just civic pride." "Look what you're doing." "Soldiers coming back can upset a balance that has taken years to adjust." "You're telling me." "They take on an importance that completely overshadows... if you took the seats I'm building for the army, navy and Marine Corps and sat them side by side, they'd probably stretch from here to the...shores of Tripoli!" "But I can't wear one round my neck or pinned to my bosom with a purple ribbon." "Save your voice, Evvy." "They don't bring MacArthur back on the eve of an election." "I wonder if he really is a hero." "Who, MacArthur?" "Certainly he's a hero." "They're all heroes." "If I hadn't got stuck in the Quartermaster Corps in the last war," "I'd have more stuff on me than on a Christmas tree." "I meant Woodrow." "How do you know he's a hero?" " I saw the..." " That's not official." "What do you mean?" "Don't go chasing moonbeams." "Some things you have to accept on faith..." "face value and one of them is a hero." " You can't ask for his union card." " Why did he take off his uniform?" " He's home." "He's been dismissed." " What for?" "How do I know?" "Maybe he has corns or bunions." "It ain't natural to take off a uniform in wartime." " What are you doing?" " Get me Western Union." "I'm gonna wire the Marine base in San Diego and check up." " Are you trying to kill me politically?" " Save your voice." "You leave me out of this." "I don't want to be mixed up in this even by innuendo." " I'm waiting for Western Union." " You do this at your own peril." "I challenge his fitness as Mayor, but one thing I do not question or doubt is the fact that he is a hero." " I want that..." " Shut up." " Western Union?" " Give me that..." "They're coming through the palm trees." "Here they come." "There's hundreds of 'em." "Can't you see 'em?" "Thousands of 'em." "Fix bayonets." "Man the guns." "Here they come, boys." "Commence firing!" "Follow me!" "Charge!" " What's the matter?" " I had a nightmare." " You're lucky." " Huh?" "Lucky you don't have 'em all the time, like some guys." "You want some more hot milk?" "I'll be all right." " You gonna stay there all night?" " I don't care much about sleeping." " What's the matter now?" " I'm all right." "Looking for something?" "(Cock crows)" "(Sneezes) I got it!" "Oh, boy!" "I've got it." "Everything's all right." "It came to me with the sunrise." "Oh, boy!" "(¢Ü Humming Win With Woodrow)" " Get set, get ready, on your marks." " Oh, boy!" " Hot ziggety!" " Thank you, ma'am." "They'd go down easier with butter on 'em." "Haven't you heard there's a war on?" "Boy, I guess she told you." "(¢Ü Whistling happily)" "¢Ü Win with Woodrow, win with Woodrow... ¢Ü" " Good morning, all." "Mama." " Good morning, darling." "Hope you all had a good night." "How about a stack of your cakes?" "Light as a feather and made by fairy hands." "Taste their crunchy munchiness." "Ask your grocer." "Good morning, boys, Sergeant Heppelfinger." "Is everybody happy?" "I trust your conscience didn't keep you up." "There's nothing like a well-trained conscience." "In its wild and native form..." "What's the matter?" "Am I unpleasant?" "Is the reason for my unpopularity at last revealed?" "Have you been guzzling cooking wine?" "Guzzling at this hour?" "You offend me." "Did somebody leave you some dough?" "Wouldn't you be happy if you were about to become the Mayor of this fair city?" "Not large, but fascinating." ""Lives there a man with soul so dead who never to himself hath said..."" "Good morning, Libby." "Join us in a stack of collision mats, as the Marines say, and a cup of jamoke?" "Thank you." "Good morning, Mrs Truesmith." " Good morning, dear." " Good morning." "Good morning." "I'm glad you're feeling better." "Never felt better." "Just call me Mr Mayor." " You got over that nonsense?" " What nonsense?" "I mean about..." "Never having been in Guadalcanal and all that." " I said such a thing?" " I understood you to." "How could I?" "I'm a great hero." "People run when they see me coming." "I kill Nips with a wave of the hand." "I blow them down." "I shoot them from all angles - backwards, forwards, looking in mirrors." "In the water, I drown them like rats." " I pick up a machine gun and ah-ah..." " I got it." " What?" " He's Daffy Dill from Dopeyville." "No, I'm not." "I'm as sane as a Dane." "And I'm going to be Mayor." " Are you sure you feel all right?" " Here you are, Libby." "What is it, dear?" "I certainly feel better than I did yesterday." " (Telephone)" " I'll get it, dear." " What are you trying to pull?" " You'll find out." "Yes?" "(Gruff voice) Ahem..." "Hello." "This is the Marine base in San Diego." "Is Corporal Truesmith there?" "Yes." "Woodrow, Marine base in San Diego for you." "For me?" "Whatever could the Marine base in San Diego want to talk to me about?" "I'd better find out." " Ready, Woodrow?" " In just one moment." " Morning, all." " Good morning." "Hello?" "Yes, yes." "This is Corporal Truesmith speaking." "What's that?" "Oh, yes, sir, Colonel." "What's that you say?" "Excuse me, Colonel." "I'm so excited to hear that that I forgot who I was talking to." "Don't forget to save me some breakfast." "I shouldn't be doing this." "If the gang ever finds out..." "Yes, sir, Colonel." "I certainly will." "I'm awfully grateful to you for calling me and for taking me back." "Thank you, Colonel, sir." "Goodbye." " Woodrow?" " Well, what do you know about that?" " Know about what?" " What a small world." "They're taking me back into the Marines for limited service." "I have to leave for San Diego at once." " But the parade!" " The rally!" "Aren't you going to be our Mayor?" "I'm sorry, Judge." "The United States comes first." "They won't send you anywhere dangerous?" "I should hope not after all he's been through." "It'll probably be some sort of clerical work," "like working in a shipyard or an aeroplane factory." "Why don't they leave you here, where we need you?" " That's right." " That's a weakness of the military view." "It doesn't recognise the importance of civilians." " You were our only hope." " I'm sorry, Judge." "But when duty calls, duty calls." " Do you have to leave today?" " I'm afraid so." "You'll ride in the parade now that it's all dolled up?" "Sure, but I'm not sure what good it'll do." "When duty calls, you gotta go." " It might do some good." " I can't refuse that." "I'll see if everything's ready, then." "It's going to be more like a funeral march." "Can I ride in the parade with you, just this last time?" " Sure, if it's all right." " I have the right to say goodbye to you." "I'm sorry, Mama, but I can't do anything about it." "It'll be lonely without you." "Hey." "(¢Ü Cheery whistling)" " Good morning." " Where've you been?" " Me?" "I was just taking a walk." " Since when do you forget breakfast?" "I just..." "You were just making a phone call to that dame in San Diego..." "Colonel?" "Well..." "I'm sorry." "It's nothing." "Just a little..." " What's the big idea?" " You meant that for me." " What about it?" " You think I'm afraid?" "I'm glad I wasn't in a foxhole with you." " Let him go." " You yellow..." "Go find a woman to fight with." "That's all you know how to hurt." "Come on, kid." "Parades, statues, burning mortgages." " I subscribed to that." " So did I, but I mean..." " Save your voice." " I have nothing against the boy." " A hero's a fine thing in its place." " In a park." "I don't wish this young man anything but...success in what he can do best." " But what can he do best?" " If you ask me..." "That is our problem." "I speak not as your candidate for Mayor, but as the humble voter." " Get me some water." " Save your voice." "Shut up!" "This problem's not local, it's national." "If the war goes on, heaven forbid, you won't be able to swing a cat without knocking down a few heroes." "Are we going to be governed by very young men, however well-meaning they may be, whose talent is hopping out of wolf holes..." "Foxholes." "They're called foxholes." "..foxholes and killing enemies with one swoop of the sword?" "Or are we going to be governed by respectable mature civic leaders who do not seek the appointment but accept it as a civic duty?" "I refer to men like..." "Well, myself." "(¢Ü Band plays, crowd singing)" "¢Ü We want Woodrow for our Mayor" "¢Ü We want Woodrow, we want Woodrow" "¢Ü We want Woodrow for our Mayor" "¢Ü Win with Woodrow, win with Woodrow" "¢Ü Let's give Everett the air" "¢Ü Up with Woodrow" "¢Ü Down with Noble" "¢Ü Let's kick Evvy off the chair" "¢Ü Up our hero goes and down... ¢Ü" " lsn't it exciting?" " They'll find out if it's exciting." " Hold your horses." " What now?" " Have you got a wire for me?" " Yeah." "Howdy, Mr Mayor." "If I can remember where I put it..." " What kind of wire?" " Remember where it came from?" "Let me see..." "San Diego." " You're a big help." " I'm sorry." "Why don't you watch what you're doing?" "(¢Ü Band plays Hail The Conquering Hero)" "How could he have been in Guadalcanal?" " He wasn't." " He wasn't?" "Well, then..." "Then he's a fraud." "He ought to be tarred and feathered." "Oh, boy!" " Who's a fraud?" " Save your voice." " Who's a fraud?" " Your hero." " I don't believe it." " You don't believe it?" "Come on." "Be careful." "¢Ü We want Woodrow, we want Woodrow for our Mayor" "¢Ü Win with Woodrow, win with Woodrow... ¢Ü" "I wonder if this would be rubbing it in a little?" " It says help yourself." " Plenty of time." "If you're going to make an ass of yourself I'll pretend I don't know you." " I wish you didn't have to pretend." " Save your voice." " Quiet, please." " (Whistle)" "Quiet, please!" "And if the band will kindly cease for one moment... (Band stops)" "..we will be able to hear the address we are all so anxious to hear." "(Cheering)" "Silence." "The first speaker will be our beloved Judge Dennis." "Yesterday morning, seven Marines got off the northbound." "(All) Hooray!" "Six of them were strangers to us." "One, a local boy who had made good." "(Cheering)" "Yesterday afternoon, we asked this local boy to cast his lot with ours." "You might call us the unvested or shirtsleeve interest of the town." " Shall we do it now or let him linger?" " Let him have his moment." "Sh!" "Quiet." "To cast his lot with ours and lead us to victory." "(Cheering)" "I'm going to ask Woodrow himself to tell you the rest of the story." "(¢Ü Patriotic tune)" "(Whistle) Not now!" "I came here this morning to say goodbye to you." "To tell you that I have been called back to the Marine Corps for limited service and that for that reason, I would be unable to run for Mayor." "Well, I'm not going to do it." "(All) Hooray!" "You'd better save your hoorays for somebody else." "For somebody who deserves them." "Like Doc Bissell here... who's tried for so long to serve you, only you didn't know a good man when you saw one, so you always elected a phoney instead." "I am?" "Well, let me tell you something, young man..." " Save your voice." " You'll find out." " You're making a spectacle of yourself." " Will you kindly!" "Until a still bigger phoney came along, then you naturally wanted him." "This should have been the happiest day of my life." "It could have been." "Instead, it's the bitterest." "It says in the Bible, "My cup runneth over."" "Well, my cup runneth over with gall." "This is the last act." "The farce is over." "The lying is finished and the coward is at least cured of his fear." "I think this whole thing had better be called off!" "He don't feel so good in the head." " Sit down!" " Quiet!" "Wait a minute, Sergeant." "I was born in this town." "My father was born here." "Most of this town is on my grandfather's homestead." "My grandfather was an honourable man, so was my father." "I've sold papers on the street to most of you who are here this morning." "I've known you all my life." "Your affection means a great deal to me and now that I've lost the chance for ever," "I want you all to know how much it would have meant to me to be Mayor, or the City Clerk or the Assistant City Clerk or the dog-catcher of this town, which is my grandfather's farm." "By the same token, I would have gladly given my life to have earned just one of the ribbons you've seen on these brave men." "If I could reach as high as my father's shoestrings... my whole life would be justified and I would stand here before you proudly instead of as the thief and the coward that I am." "I say a coward because I postponed until now what I should have told you a year ago when I was discharged from the Marine Corps for medical unfitness." "A coward because I didn't want my mother to know." "Well, it wasn't to save her, it was to save me." "A thief because I stole your admiration." "I stole the ribbons I wore..." "I stole this nomination." "I have never been in Guadal..." "I have never been in Guadalcanal or any place else." "I've been working in a shipyard for the last year." "I've never received medals of any description, since I've never fought." "Two days ago I decided to come home and since I'd written I was overseas, I had to come home as a soldier." "I had to have some ribbons, so I bought some in a hock shop." "When I was all dressed up, I met some real Marines and fooled them too." "Not that I really wanted to fool any of you." "I just wanted to come home." " That's as dirty a lie as I have ever...!" " Sit down!" "I've told you all this because too many men have bled and died for you and for me to live this lie any longer." "I guess that's why I told you." "I didn't mean to when I came in." "I'm going home to pack my things, so this will be my last chance to say goodbye to you." "I know my mother will give you back the mortgage and I hope you won't hold it against her that the son didn't quite come through." "It's no use telling you I'm sorry because..." "I wish I was dead." "I, er..." "That's all." "I need some air." "(Banging)" "If everybody will please keep your seats." "Please sit down." "I just wanna tell you one thing." "I've seen a lot of brave men in my life - that's my business." "But what that kid just done took real courage." "You get me?" "Now that he's shot his mouth off, you might as well hear the rest of it." "There's six of us and we've got 15 cents between us and we're from Guadalcanal and no fooling!" " I'll be over in a few minutes." " You'd better not, dear." "I'll be over in a few minutes." "(Laughter)" "There you see one of the fallacies of the democratic principle." "They can vote for anybody they like." "I was never deceived, but the poor misguided voters without a brain to bless themselves with, without a cerebellum to the carload..." " Make a note of that." "I'll use it." " I wouldn't." "Open up their arms to..." "Oh, there you are." " Hello." " I'm sorry, dear." "My heart bled for you." " You have the effrontery to return?" " Oh, shut up." "Ignore him." " What do you think of your hero now?" " She probably feels bad." " She should." "If you ask my advice..." " Which I don't." "You heard him." "He's a sucker to consider going through with the marriage." " I've gotta go outside." " I don't feel bad at all." " You don't?" " Good for you." "Keep your nose out of my affairs." " This is between Libby and me." " And Woodrow." " And Woodrow?" " Woodrow?" " Naturally." " What?" "After that disgraceful exhibition, you're still interested in the hero?" "I guess women feel differently about these things." " Of course they do." " So if you'll please forgive me and not think too harshly of me..." " What?" " You walked right into it." "Why couldn't you stay here, dear?" "Now that you've told everything, nothing much more can happen." "Who'd give me a job?" "If I can find a nice place where I'm not known, I'll send for you." "I know you meant it for the best." "I know you meant it for me, no matter what anyone else might think." "Hello." " Can I help you?" " I can manage all right." "Save a little room for me, will you?" "Oh, stupid, stupid, stupid!" "Of course I'm going with you." "I've never loved anybody but you and you've never loved anybody but me." "You can't say it's because you're a hero." "Oh, Woodrow, when I think I almost lost you." "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" " You're crazy." " Then I'm crazy." " Is she on time, Mrs Kennedy?" " How's that?" " Is the southbound on time?" " Yeah." "Be here in four minutes." "Thank you." " I thought you was running for Mayor." " I changed my mind." " That's very unusual." " This is an unusual case." "How about the sarge?" "Go find him." "He'll be here." "He don't miss nothing." "Hey, the whole town's coming." " A lynching?" " With us here?" "We'll surround you." "You were gonna do that before, remember?" "Take it easy." "Just a minute." "Come here." "Come here." "Quiet!" " Take it easy, will ya?" " Quiet!" " Quiet!" " Give the guy a little room." "Thank you very much." " Quiet!" " You wanted to see me, Judge?" "We had quite a talk after you left." "The sergeant told us a few things." " Quite a few things." " That you didn't mention." "The nomination went back to Doc Bissell, but he said..." " "Ladies and..."" " Don't misquote me." " I said, "Ladies and gentlemen..."" " Course you did." ""..in all the years that I have been unsuccessful in politics," ""this is the first and only time that I have ever seen a candidate for office" ""given an opportunity to prove publicly, permanently" ""and beyond peradventure of doubt" ""that he was honest, courageous and veracious."" "That means truthful." "He likes big words." "I said that if to act out a little lie to save one's mother humiliation was a fault, in other words, if tenderness toward and consideration of one's mother was a fault, it was a fault any man might be proud of." " Here, here!" " Thank you." "I made a very good speech on your behalf, Woodrow." "Much better than I ever made for myself." " It was a wonderful speech, Woodrow." " The guy had us all blubbering." "I meant every word of it, straight from the heart." "I concluded by pointing out that if this town really wanted an honest, courageous and veracious Mayor, they had better catch you before you got away." "So we came right over." "That's why we're here." "I'm a little dizzy." "I don't get what you mean." "I think they mean they want you as Mayor, Woodrow." " You mean you still want me?" " We still want you very much." "Why do we want a soldier anyway?" "Politics is a very peculiar thing." "If they want you, they don't need reasons." "They find their own reasons." "It's just like when a girl wants a man." "That's right." "You don't need reasons." "Although they're probably there." "(Train whistle)" "Pardon me for intruding, but is anybody getting on this train" " or is this the Democratic convention?" " Well..." " Of course you're not going." " Nobody's leaving." " OK." "All..." " Just a minute, mac." "Give me six tickets." "We've still got work to do in our own line." " So long, kid." " Goodbye, dear." " Will you come back?" " We've always come back before." "So long, everybody." "See yous in church." "Come on." "Save your voice." "They just re-nominated Woodrow." " lsn't it exciting?" " Shut up!" "Re-nominated?" "What on?" " I think it's a vindication campaign." " Vindication?" " Look out!" " Oh!" "Evvy!" " So long, gang." " All aboard!" " I don't know how to..." " Don't say it." "It was a pleasure." "Anything for the son of an old pal." "I knew the Marines could do almost anything, but nothing like this." "You got no idea."