"( man ) Before I die, I'd like to play a prince." "A noble prince, like princes in the plays, who fights and shouts and dances like a god." "This place is mired by dirt that will be seen." "In some untold, unsensed dimension here... where I surrender all my worldly faults." "No longer am I scared to be confused, revered, remembered, forgotten and abused." "♪" "No one wants to see themselves splashed all over the papers, do they really ?" "Umm..." "And it's not quite right that Tom just confessed." "Actually, the police came round to the house because in discovering Blake they'd also discovered Boy, who was still wearing his tag, I think, and, um, so, so actually that's how they found us" "and they were making inquiries, so the first we heard of it was actually this sort of" "15-year-old policeman appeared at the door asking questions about it." "Sophie's doing what she always wanted to do, which is write poetry and be without me, so she got two results and, um, and, you know, I" " I" "Although obviously I lost my job because of the publicity, but, you know, that clichí about a crisis being an opportunity is very-- it's very fucking true." "Lost it ?" "Almost like he doesn't need you anymore, isn't it ?" "Very true, yes." "If he can swim in the lake and go home as he pleases." "I didn't mean to be intrusive." "I'm perfectly normal." "♪" "( Blake ) Last winter, of course, the whole surface froze over." "Very peaceful." "I came here at dusk one evening, almost without realizing." "Oh, the colors, Tom." "May I call you Tom ?" "Yes, of course." "The colors, Tom." "Just-- just arriving in patterns." "He seemed to not have that membrane of social stuff that separates you from people in a kind of correct way." "He-- he seemed" "His boundaries were very porous." "So I think I kind of knew that he was probably some sort of care-in-the-community person." "But he was very gentle and he was very, um, poetic." "Of course, sometimes I just come here and cry a great deal remembering everything." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." "Oh, no, no, in a good way." "I've had some lovely cries." "The story goes that some woman went missing round here, very beautiful apparently, married to a high court judge." "Just round here somewhere." "A wealthy, happy couple." "But of course, one winter, she went missing and nobody knew why." "The husband spent a great deal of money and effort trying to trace her." "Posters, articles, searches." "Fruitless." "And eventually she was presumed dead." "But he wrote in his memoirs that, one morning, almost exactly a year after she had gone missing, he was walking by this lake, frozen over, just as I've described, and he saw a hole in the ice" "about 50 yards in, just there." "That was his wife." "Telling him... that she had fallen through." "But" " But how would you search ?" "I mean, you wouldn't want to, would you ?" "You might find her." "Oh, and it might all just be a load of cobblers, of course." "You know, I've not heard that story before." "Oh, a stranger in a pub, I think, passed it on to me, when I mentioned I liked fishing here." "Doesn't it put you off ?" "I mean, that you might end up catching some human bones ?" "There's no danger of catching anything here." "That's why I like it." "It's very peaceful." "Well..." "Yes, extraordinary." "I guess I'd better be pushing on." "Thank you very much." "Thank you." "Fascinating." "Nice talking with you, I hope I" "I hope we run into each other again." "Yes." "Um..." "Do you want a cup of tea ?" "Yes, please." "( Tom ) I think I just took him back for a cup of tea and that's how safe I felt around him." "You know, I didn't think he was dangerous in any way." "And I know people think that's an odd thing to do, but I..." "I just invited him back for a cup of tea." "♪" "( man ) At times, I guess I kind of cast myself as their slave, but that was mainly because I didn't really have much to do." "♪" "( woman ) Did you just buy these so that you could have them" "( woman ) I thought they might cheer you up." "What, by reminding me that I'm ugly ?" "Jess, you're beautiful." "No, I'm not." "What are you doing ?" "Why are you wearing all of those at the same time ?" "Well, I don't know, do I ?" "You're supposed to pick out one bit and then wear it with something else." "I don't know how it works, do I ?" "I've made breakfast, if you're hungry." "( Tom ) I think he just is a bloke who-- with a bit too much time on his hands, frankly." "I did wonder if he was actually seeing one of the girls, but they've told me that wasn't the case." "Funny boy." "( Tom ) Rainbow weather, which in the modern sense of the word "rainbow,"" "I suppose means: any sexuality or gender of weather, welcomed." "I'm very impressed with how he gets around on those three pegs." "He thinks you've come to play, see." "He's obsessed with the ball." "It's like his safety." "You don't sit down very much, do you ?" "He's very anxious and nervous." "He has to distract himself with the ball, that's when he knows he's okay, with the ball." "We had a conversation in our house for the first time in I don't know how long;" "years, I mean years, since the girls left." "We actually had a conversation in our house, between the three of us." "I didn't find that frightening." "It just seemed like a relief." "Katie has a thing for the wounded." "Jess has a thing for being wounded." "But I think it was Katie who spotted him, really." "She likes to look after things." "Yes." "She used to bring back the strangest boys." "Absolutely, all lame ducks and" "What was that bloke who was allergic to everything, wasn't he-- He couldn't wear wool." "Oh, Toby." "90% of Christmas presents out the window for a start, but Katie's not as bright as Jess." "We always thought she'd probably grow up to be a nurse." "Because she's not bright ?" "Well, and because she used to play at being a nurse quite a lot." "And Jess would always insist on being the patient." "Yes." "She's the creative one, if you like." "She's a very good musician." "But she's very fragile." "Katie's very calm in comparison." "No, not calm, but..." "Jess, even when she was very tiny, she used to cry for no reason." "Just one minute she'd be happy in the pram, next minute she'd be crying, so it was quite clear even then, wasn't it ?" "Well, that was different, Tom." "That was just her being a baby." "Was it ?" "Oh." "You must be very proud." "( both ) ♪ Boy" "♪ Boy" "♪ Boy" "♪ Boy" "( Blake ) Why did you call him "Boy" ?" "That was just because when I first brought him home, I said," ""Here, boy," and he responded straight away, just came straight over." "Here, Boy, here, Bo" "He's a bit deaf now but-- I did tell him it was weird." "I wanted to call him Clare." "After John Clare, you know." "The poet." "Ended up in an asylum." "Oh." "Oh, I'd love to read some of his stuff." "He was a very beautiful man, he was a genius, but very lonely." "Well, there is something of that in all of us." "Scornful and jealous and frightened of everyone, but still for some reason in dire and desperate need of them, of people." "We hate them but we require them." "We love them, but we wonder why they do not always love us back in equal measure." "We are mathematicians of devotion." "Misers of love." "And we always know when we have been shortchanged." "Always." "Ooh." "Very deep." "Yes, very deep indeed." "I always forget that Sophie was a poet when I first met her." "Which implies I'm not now." "Oh, are you ?" "No." "The truth is I never was a poet, it was just a distraction from the fact that I wasn't anything." "It was just a disguise." "Actually, I tell you what." "I can go and fish them out if you like." "Oh no, Tom, don't." "Only be a minute." "Please don't." "Tom !" "You're embarrassing me, Tom." "Where are you going ?" "To put the kettle back on." "( faucet running )" "♪" "( Sophie ) "I live here among the ignorant like a lost man, in fact like one whom the rest seems careless of having anything to do with, and I find more pleasure in walking in the fields" "than in musing among my silent neighbors, who are insensible to everything but toiling and talking of it and that to no purpose."" "I'm so sorry you feel that way." "Oh no, that was him." "That was something he said." "Ah." "♪" "( Tom ) Hm." "Don't think I've seen that poem before." ""Someone somewhere says hello to someone else." "Some item somewhere stirs." "Some tire hits some can and the world changes shape, like you, changing shapes and shifting things, like us." "Shifting."" "Hmm." "Shifting." "Profound." "( Blake ) And so we were by the lake, or pond, as your husband calls it." "( Sophie ) Ah." "Black Pond, it's called." "Oh yes ?" "I think because when it freezes over, it's still really dark, it's a sort of black ice." "Oh no, it's wife in winter." "White." "What ?" "You said "wife."" "No, I said "white."" "Yeah." "Um, Tom ?" "Where's he gone ?" "Sorry, Blake." ""For we are those that make the stronger strong." "Our misery is how the happy know what happy is." "All modes compared, our moods are grayer than the summer's bleakest skies when revelers await the heat of light, but all that comes is thunder and despair."" "I asked you to leave those alone." "I was just reading, that's all." "They're not for you to read." "They're not for anyone to read." "Well, don't be silly." "I'm throwing it away." "No, don't throw it away, please." "Since when have you given a fuck ?" "I give a massive fuck." "No, don't." "I'm throwing it away." "No, don't, please don't." "I like them !" "Well, you may as well put them in the recycling." "It is paper after all." "You want me to put my poems in the recycling ?" "♪" "If I acted as a kind of whetstone for that new surge of poetry, that angry stuff she's writing now, then I" "You know, without me, she wouldn't have been able to do that, so I guess I" "I wouldn't be surprised if she dedicates a book to me." "It's not out of the question." "♪" "You all right ?" "Oh." "Oh yes, thank you." "Nice shed." "It is good, isn't it, yes." "♪" "( man on TV ) I'm Eric Sacks, psychotherapist." "I'm not qualified, but who are you ?" "Hello." "Are you sad ?" "Lonely ?" "Depressed ?" "Crying ?" "Are you crying right now ?" "Maybe you can't cry." "Difficult, isn't it ?" "Life is awful." "Isn't life awful ?" "Shocking, isn't it ?" "It's just fucking awful, isn't it ?" "I can cure you." "Treatment is free." "My parents are dead." "♪" "Are you armed ?" "Just say: "Yes, I am armed," or, "no, I'm not armed."" "No, I'm not armed." "Right, come in." "This is my house." "It's large." "My parents are dead." "This was a guy who was claiming to be some kind of psychotherapist, but all he really seemed to be doing was just sort of making fun of me." "Tim ?" "Yes, Tim." "Tim ?" "It's funny-- It's a funny, um..." "It's a funny-- It's a very common name" "Tim." "Tim is a very common" "Tim, Tim, Tim-Tim." "That's" " It's not even a name, it's a sound." "Oh, did you hear that little" "Tim ?" "Did you hear that ?" "You can call me something else if it bothers you, if my name" "Graham ?" "Only because if I'm at a party and I go, "Oh, hi Tim." "Oh sorry, Graham's over there-- Graham, you beast !"" "You know, amongst other things," "I told him about what happened that weekend with the Thompsons and, you know, like with everything else, he sort of seemed to find it hilarious." "But there was something in him that seemed to take a particular interest in that story." "So I guess we talked about it more than other things." "I only spoke about it because I thought" "I presumed it was confidential." "That's the point of a therapy session, but it was a couple of days after that that, you know, the police started digging up the land around Black Pond and it all sort of" "It all started getting messy, so..." "I mean, it-- it must have been, it must have been him." "♪" "( Blake ) It calms you, yes." "Yoga is supposed to calm you as well, isn't it ?" "Yes, that calms you as well." "I've never really found that." "That's citronella." "Oh." "I light it for the mosquitoes in case they want to read." "There we go." "All it does is attract moths to the table." "Yes, but moths don't bite." "Mosquitoes do." "That's why we use it, see ?" "Hello, here I am, speaking live from the Thompsons' garden and I understand you're still in a bad mood, is this correct ?" "Oh dear." "Do you want a top-up, Blake ?" "No, I'm fine, thank you." "I tell you what." "You've had a rough day." "I'll make some dinner." "Oh no, you can't do that." "No, it's no bother at all." "What have you got in your fridge ?" "All right, we can all make it together." "No, Blake, that's really sweet of you but" "Of course, you can stay to dinner if you like." "Can't he ?" "Tom was pouring wine down his and Blake's neck like, being the good host." "Give me your best shot." "Give me your worst shot." "To be honest, I'd just sort of left them to it, really, by that point." "Come on !" "♪" "Out !" "Out !" "Try this for size !" "Salute you, you are a worthy opponent." "Do either of you want some coffee or tea or something ?" "Come on, Sophie !" "No, thank you." "Would you like a swim ?" "No, thank you." "A nice swim ?" "( Tom ) Well, the down side of having a tedious life is that you have a tedious life." "But the upside is you get a swimming pool in the summer." "♪" "Drown me more !" "( laughing )" "Drown me more." "Oh, no you don't." "Blake ?" "Are you all right ?" "Yes." "I was just wondering what your daughters must be up to." "Oh, probably snorting acid through a cocaine or something." "Yeah, cheers, cheers." "You enjoying yourself ?" "Hello, all right." "Woo, yeah !" "I just think pegs should be used, even for dry clothes." "I love this jacket." "What's your name ?" "Right, good." "Where are you going ?" "I'm going for a walk." "♪" "( Tom ) No, no, carry on." "Do you think it would be all right if Blake stayed the night ?" "Yes, of course." "( Blake ) I shall be quiet and discreet." "I'll be gone as soon as it's light, I'm just" "I'm afraid of the dark, so I can't walk home now." "I told you it would be all right." "I'm going to have a shower." "♪" "( Sophie ) And so Blake ended up staying the night, which is all right." "We have plenty of room." "( Tom ) She sort of came alive around him." "A bit" " A part of her that she hadn't sort of brought out and shown anybody for a while came out and played." "♪" "( dog barking )" "Blake ?" "Hello ?" "Oh." "Tom's given me that for you to sleep in." "I hope that's all right." "And let me just check that Tom has changed your bed." "( Blake ) Night-night, Boy." "All right ?" "Yes, yes." "Did you give him the dog chews ?" "What dog shoes ?" "Not dog shoes, dog chews." "No." "I gave him one after his dinner." "That's how he knows when to go to sleep." "( dog barking )" "( dog barking )" "I don't think I have dreams anymore." "Or they're all quite pedestrian." "I had a dream about ham sandwiches and broadband on Tuesday." "They were connected in some way, the sandwich and the broadband;" "the speed of it and how much of the sandwich I was eating." "I used to have really good ones." "I had a thought the other day." "Would it be better to have a really godawful, soul-shattering nightmare, where you're just-- your whole head's on fire and your heart's going like an epileptic mouse and you're shivering and shaking, and ooh, just a horrible one," "and then have the relief of waking up and it's gone ?" "Or would you prefer to have the best dream in the world, ever ?" "And I don't mean sexually necessarily, although I know that's what you're thinking I'm thinking, not that there would be anything wrong with that, but I was just wondering whether it would be better" "to see all that and then have the... disappointment of waking up to this, whatever it is this is." "Or would I prefer to have the nightmare, wake up, and shed it and see that this is actually all right ?" "That this is not so bad." "( Tom ) I did go" "I did go to watercoloring for a while." "Tom sent me one of his pictures as an apology." "I mean, what is that saying ?" "That's not saying sorry to me." "Is it you ?" "( Tom ) But you know the thing with me is," "I just feel that when you get really good at doing something, what's the point ?" "( Sophie ) What way up does it go ?" "I don't know." "Where are you going ?" "I'm going to make a cup of hot water and milk and to eat a banana." "A banana ?" "Bananas give you energy." "No, they help you sleep." "A banana ?" "Yes, a banana." "A banana ?" "Yes, a banana, a banana." "Bananas give you energy for a run." "Don't eat a banana to go to sleep." "You might as well have a glucozade." "They calm you down." "It's to do with serotonin." "I read it in a supplement." "It's a breakfast fruit." "It's sheer lunacy to have a banana at this hour." "And he was looking through photographs, which was a bit odd actually, and at that point I did start to wonder" "I was a little bit uncomfortable about that, I suppose." "It just seems impossible, looking at all of you in those photos." "It's like somebody made you up." "♪ Sitting on the toilet having a wee" "♪ In the middle of the night" "♪ Having a wee" "♪ Sitting like a lady having a wee" "♪ So nobody can hear me having a wee" "I guess it's okay to say now that I wasn't in a position with my marriage to want to feel jealous towards anybody." "If anybody wanted to spend time with my wife, that was fine with me." "You know, not because I disliked her but because, you know, if she could find some pleasure somewhere else then, you know, good luck to her." "( Blake ) No note." "Just vanished." "But then one morning in the middle of winter, he went down to that lake, and it was solid." "Frozen edge to edge, overnight." "And something told him that was the lake's way of telling him that she'd gone, that she was dead." "In the lake." "That was the lake mourning." "Sheltering her from the terrors of the world, where it's quiet." "I think it was my hairdresser told me that story, when I mentioned that I liked to fish there." "I think I know what you're asking me, and no, I don't think he was suffering from clinical depression." "I think he was sad because he was talking about sad things and when sad things happen, sane people cry." "♪" "( thunder )" "Ah, ah, ah !" "( Sophie ) What's going on here ?" "Did you do the dishwasher ?" "Yes." "Don't put this knife in the dishwasher." "Please." "I have said a thousand times." "Too many bananas perhaps, putting you in a banana ?" "Twat off !" "Why is everything so difficult ?" "Fish it out with a teaspoon." "The dog is shitting in your lovely garden." "Shall I put some music on ?" "Why ?" "We don't have any music." "The girls took all the music with them." "I'm going to go and look for some music." "We can have a dance." "We certainly cannot have a dance." "The whole point of dancing is that it's beautiful." "♪" "( phone ringing )" "I've lost the dog again." "So what ?" "He's not here." "He's not in the front garden ?" "Why would he be in the front garden ?" "Tom !" "Tom, I tried !" "I was too late !" "I thought he was playing !" "Oh !" "( Sophie ) The Earth turns round to hide me from the moon and then turns more to shield me from the day." "The morning gasps and mourns the afternoon, it begs the Earth to whisk my face away." "My first thought was, he's drowned my dog." "But then I stopped thinking that." "( doorbell )" "Sorry, I forgot my keys." "Oh, hello." "I've got some bad news." "What ?" "I'm sorry." "What ?" "Don't keep saying "what."" "I'm showing you his corpse !" "So this is where I, um, buried Boy when I got him back from the police." "This is where I re-buried him." "Um, and then this is Bertie, who is a cat that I got after" "I moved and he-- he died." "And then, in fact, through here, we've got Thomas, who is a cat that a neighbor had, and I looked after him when the neighbor got too, too old, looked after him," "and he died as well, so I just sort of" "I just seem to be here to see them through." "What do you mean a fit ?" "I didn't see it happen." "I was on the phone to you." "But I could sense it, that something was wrong." "It's no good sensing, is it ?" "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." "Looks rather better on you than it does on me." "Yes, it's very comfortable." "Like wearing a soft home." "Thanks again, Blake." "Please, no, it's my fault." "I thought I was witnessing some kind of euphoria and he was thrashing for dear life." "I'll make some tea for everybody." "Oh no, don't worry, I'll do it." "What sort of tea would you like ?" "I don't know why you're acting as though there's a choice." "We just have tea, normal tea." "Normal tea is lovely, thank you." "Perhaps we should put him in the fridge ?" "No, not you." "I'm not putting our dead dog in the fridge." "Dinner's in the fridge." "We should tell the girls anyway." "Yes, we should." "I'm just going to go to the gent's." "Sophie ?" "Can I tell you something ?" "Boy wanted to die this morning." "It really did look like he was dancing." "And the birds, like a frenzy of angels ushering him away." "A halo of bats." "With all respect, I have to say, it really was kind of beautiful." "And I did my best, I really did." "But I think the fates had already decided it was his time to go." "Blake, I really appreciate your efforts this morning, excuse me." "But I have to say, dogs do not commit suicide." "Tom..." "I mean, what was there for him to be upset about ?" "He had a nice bed, all the food that he could eat, lovely woods to walk in, dedicated owners." "No, no, I didn't mean-- What a fucking shame." "What a fucking shame that he's dead !" "( Jess ) And it's weird, like, since we moved out, obviously, um, Mum and Dad, sort of, you know, at least they had Boy to sort of, not keep them together but," "you know, at least they had Boy sort of in common." "They both loved Boy, they both took care of Boy and for him to go was obviously quite a big deal for them, so I think we were there as much for them as, you know, for" "You know, for us." "Yes, of course I'm proud of them." "Of course I am, yeah, everybody's proud of their families." "Yeah, I'm very proud of my family." "We're just, um..." "You know, we're just rearranged, that's all." "We're redistributed, we're not" "We're not a broken home." "♪" "Are you awake ?" "( man ) Yo, Mum." "Jess ?" "No, it's Edward." "Who ?" "Why did you say "Mum," then ?" "Sorry, I thought you were someone called "Mum"..." "I see-- Is Jess there ?" "I'm not the fuck-up, your majesty !" "I'm not the one who needs attention all day..." "No, 'cause I know someone called "The Uncle,"" "so I thought it might be a similar thing." "Sorry, is Jess there ?" "I'll find her." "... fucking mental bullshit." "I don't want you to live here !" "I don't want you to want me to live here !" "It's your mom." "( Tom ) He's" " He's eaten in my house." "And he talked to the press." "So now he's got 10,000 quid and I have no privacy." "I thought what he did was just rude, actually." "( Tom ) He told them that" "Some version of events that happened from his point of view." "( Jess ) Mum and Dad would look for someone to blame, of course they would." "Nothing's ever their fault, so Tim's an easy target," "He told" " He told them that Blake had died in the house and that we had explained that we had buried him in the woods because that was what he wanted." "Which is all true, but actually, just, now you say it." "I just thought people would be more understanding." "Really." "That's quite naûve, isn't it ?" "I think they just presumed that I must have said something to the press because I didn't feature so heavily in the coverage but, um, that's probably because it's-- it's catchier just to say "The Thompson Family Murder,"" "than, you know, "The Thompson Family Murder and this other guy."" "Who is this ?" "You know, it's not-- You'd have to explain it." "You just say "The Thompson Family Murder,"" "then you sell a paper, you know ?" "( Katie ) Okay." "No, no, Tim can drive us, it's okay." "Yep, don't worry, we'll see you in a bit." "Bye." "( fax machine beeping )" "I've sent a fax." "Why ?" "To let them know." "I've just phoned them." "Okay, well, then they'll know either way." "What did you write ?" "We went home quite a bit, which always had some sense of hope to it that it wouldn't be awful, but it pretty much always was." "I don't know why we didn't learn." "No." "This obviously wasn't any exception." "I mean, we knew it would be awful anyway because the dog had died but, it was quite bad that we brought Tim into it, really." "Yeah, I don't know why we actually let him take us home, knowing that it was going to be probably worse than usual and allowing one of our friends to see this strange family at work." "Ummm..." "Yeah." "The girls are on their way." "( Tim ) When you're kind of fundamentally insecure, you see positives in other people in a way that you are unable to see in yourself, and I guess they just became symbols of beauty and wealth and just being sorted and" "knowing what they were doing and I guess, in retrospect," "I can see that they were just the same as me, and in many ways-- in many ways not perfect human beings, but who is a perfect human being ?" "Perhaps I should leave ?" "This is a family affair." "No, no, stay." "Tim's coming." "He's just a friend, if that makes you feel more comfortable." "Well, I-- I would like to stay." "To pay my respects." "Good." "That'd be nice." "See you later." "Is that possible ?" "Both ?" "Both the girls, yeah." "Is that funny ?" "Yes." "( Jess ) He sort of had a-- sort of an affection for both of us, it seemed." "Can you hear how pretentious you sound ?" "Why does that sound pretentious ?" "I was in love with two people at the same time." "I mean, if you want a threesome, have a threesome." "I don't want to have a threesome." "Why ?" "( Jess ) And I think that was a bit embarrassing for him as well, and for us and we just sort of drifted apart, but there's no hard feelings, I don't think." "You know, it was just a stupid, confused, kind of teenage, almost..." "You're going to die !" "( Tim ) Well, eventually, yes, it doesn't mean that" "So before that-- before that, have a threesome." "In the same way as, "Oh, do you want some cake ?"" ""Well, I don't know."" ""You're going to die, have a cake !"" "Tim." "Tim." "You, Graham." "That's fun, isn't it ?" "That's a fun night out." "In." "I mean, you're deranged when you talk about love." "Love is just a silly word for not having a clue and believing you might have a clue by not having a clue with somebody else." "I think that's just your opinion." "It's all opinion." "You just have to grab things sometimes and go," ""Oh yes, that sounds about right." "I'll have some cake."" "♪" "Tim ?" "It's just there on the right." "Yeah." "Sorry, I just have to say something before we go in." "What, now ?" "I think so, yeah." "Um..." "What ?" "Well, listen, I know the phrase is" "( horn honking )" "I know the phrase is meaningless and everything if" "If you say it out loud..." "What ?" "Well, I..." "I love you." "Both of you." "As a pair or... ?" "I don't know, sorry." "I didn't mean anything by that." "Just block it out of your head." "You know, um, it would be" "Like, if you were insane, like that would be fine, that would be fun for me." "This I don't know what to do with." "It's quite difficult for me to deal with somebody... who's an idiot." "♪" "Hello." "Hi." "Hello." "Hi." "Hello." "Hello, Tim." "Dad." "Hiya." "Hi." "Hi, Mum." "Hi." "Do you want a hand with those bags, Tim ?" "I'm all right, thank you." "I thought we could do Boy first." "First before what ?" "I don't know, tea." "( Jess ) Where is he ?" "Who's that ?" "Oh, that's Blake." "He's the one who tried to save him." "So what are we doing then ?" "Well, I thought just a simple burial, say a few words, let him rest in peace." "I mean, there's no need to cremate him, is there ?" "Dad." "What ?" "That's not funny." "It wasn't supposed to be funny." "( Sophie ) Thanks for driving, Tim." "( Tom ) Jess, have you told-- I'm going outside." "I'm sorry for your loss." "Yes." "He seemed... quite nice." "Just a bit" "I don't know, just a bit disconnected maybe." "It just didn't really make sense." "Yeah, I mean, why was he there, yeah." "They hadn't mentioned that he was... that there was going to be someone else there." "And we'd obviously gone back home to bury Boy and then Mum just said that he was the one that found him." "What a shame." "Such a little fighter." "Tom ?" "What ?" "Is that the best place ?" "All right." "First of all, well done, everybody, and thank you very much." "And I'm so sorry, it's a hell of a time for your back to go." "Sophie, do you want to say some words ?" "Why do I have to say some words ?" "Or Jess, maybe you could play something on the fiddle ?" "Can't we just put him to rest without making a big song and dance about it ?" "All right, fine." "And you're completely happy with the situation of the hole now ?" "It's not too late." "Yes, it's fine." "Right, pass him over." "Just" " All right." "All right, I got him." "Okay, I've gotcha, I've gotcha." "I've" " I've gotcha." "We're gathered here in remembrance of Boy." "Do we want to put the dirt on first ?" "Should we all do the dirt ?" "Shall I-- Shall I start ?" "Or Tim ?" "You're the guest, would you like" "No ?" "Well look, I'll go." "Shall I just-- Just do it." "Just do it, yes." "Anybody want a go ?" "It's not darts, Tom, it's a fucking funeral." "All right, okay." "This isn't right." "We should go to the woods." "That's where he'd be freest." "He was always happiest in the woods." "We should take him to the woods." "I think that's a lovely idea." "♪" "Should we-- Oh, yes." "Shall I take him ?" "Yes." "Oh, watch out." "Shall I fill the hole up ?" "Oh..." "Yeah." "Yeah." "( Tom ) So, here we are again, ladies and gentlemen." "( Katie ) Dad." "What ?" "Just..." "What ?" "What are we doing ?" "Why don't we just have a minute's silence and we can all pay our respects like that." "All right, good idea." "I'll time, shall I ?" "Thank you." "No, don't worry, I'll do it." "Well, I can time." "Yes, Jess time, yes." "Okay ?" "No, actually, don't worry." "No, I can do it." "Who's got the best watch ?" "I can manage timing a minute." "I'm halfway there now, you ready ?" "( Tim ) Yes." "From now." "No, not yet." "Don't do silence yet." "Tom..." "You won't feel the benefit." "Will you stop being such a phenomenal twat and do it properly, please ?" "All right, there's no need to take that tone." "From now." "I shouldn't have stayed." "I should have just gone." "I shouldn't have stayed." "Blake ?" "I suppose that now we're looking at that as maybe more of a possibility after everything that happened, but at the time it certainly, you know, was just really sad and he genuinely seemed like he wanted" "to be at Boy's funeral." "I think if he had killed him, he would have said." "If he'd killed my dog, I suppose I'd have a motive to kill him, although it seems like a bit of an overreaction, I have to say." "No, I didn't think it was suspicious." "He was..." "He was upset." "He was-- Blake was upset." "Blake was more upset almost than we were." "( Tom ) The trouble with bigging your daughters up is everyone thinks you're trying to marry them off or pimp them out or something." "But I'm partial, you know, I'm a dad, it's natural." "Katie, for instance, she's so pretty, everyone thinks she's a bit..." "But actually, she's very caring." "Did you know when she was little, she wanted to be a doctor ?" "Or a vet." "( Jess ) Who was he ?" "Where has he gone ?" "Why was he here ?" "Why is everyone being so weird about it ?" "Why is no one talking about it ?" "And why is Tim being so weird ?" "What's Dad doing now ?" "I'm going to place the Thompson family now on this chair." "I'd like you, Graham, to talk to them, to tell them how you feel, how you felt about them in the past." "So sorry, am I talking to them one at a time or are they small ?" "We've only got four cups." "Are you coming out ?" "I'd imagine the sisters there, just sort of perched, and then the-- and then the husband and wife." "If you can, I mean try." "Let's not put up a wall between you and this small version of the Thompson family." "The one with the blueberries on it is blueberry." "And the other one-- two are cheesecake and I don't know what this is, a sort of flanny..." "I would start off obviously by saying" "Don't start." "Hi." "Not by saying, say it." "Hi." "They say hi back." "In unison." "What do you say ?" "How is it going ?" "Everything's going fine." "What would you like to say to us ?" "What are you up to ?" "Well, they're all up to various" "I'm sorry that-- I'm sorry that" "Because they're divorced now." "I don't know why your mum's not coming out." "She's doing the washing up, I think." "Did you offer to help with the washing up ?" "Um, I did, but she said" "No, no, sorry, not you, I didn't mean you, Tim." "I feel no guilt or shame that I don't know you..." "What are you doing ?" "... anymore." "What are you doing ?" "I'm talking to the tiny Thompsons like you fucking asked me to." "Yeah, and it's insane, isn't it ?" "Yes, it is insane and I'm doing it because you fucking put them there." "What an idiot you are." "Look at you, you're talking to a chair." "I am talking to a chair because you put the chair there and lined up the fucking" "Who am I ?" "Who am I ?" "You're supposed to be fucking helping me !" "I'm just a person !" "You fucking bring a chair in here, shrink the Thompsons down, put-- I'm just a person !" "You have to sort of balance it." "So, woof." "Get today..." "Big..." "I thought it was lovely, actually." "I thought it was really lovely." "( Tom ) What's your news ?" "( Jess ) What sort of news ?" "Well, I don't know, what's-- what's" "You wake up and life happens, doesn't it ?" "Yeah." "It's fine." "You know, I think probably most parents spend their time worrying about, you know, their children coming home and telling them something really, that they weren't expecting, and oh my God, how're we going to cope with this, but frankly if either of" "them came home and said something that surprised me, I'd just be grateful, because it seems like a long process, this process of not getting on with your life." "Yeah well, Mum didn't know what she wanted to do when she was my age." "Well actually, she did, but it just didn't happen for her." "( Tim ) What was that ?" "Poet." "She was a poet." "She was bloody good." "Actually, I'll tell you what." "Come with me, Tim, a sec." "Can you just" "Just see if Mum's all right ?" "Where are you going ?" "I only found these the other day, boxfuls of them." "So here." "Bring them in-- Bring them in here." "When we were in love back in the Stone Age, she used to write me things all the time and I always felt a bit inadequate because I didn't know how to reply, so I just used to buy her stuff," "you know, like a flower or a piece of cake or a bicycle..." "Do you write poetry ?" "No, I don't write-- Because some of these..." "You know, I'm just thinking you are a connected guy, after all." "You are a sort of connected kind of guy." "And-- Sorry, what do you mean ?" "I was just thinking you could show these to someone and perhaps get them published." "Because some of them are really, really good." "Where's a short one ?" "Okay." ""You had my love and that's enough." "When we are dead, it will be said you were in love and I was too, and that, my dear, will have to do."" "You see, I'd not read that before, but it is lovely, isn't it ?" "And there's literally hundreds of them." "Maybe it's just that I know what it means." "What I was thinking was that when we go through again, you can tell her how much you like them." "I think that would really cheer her up." "Okay, yes." "Shall I" "Shall I start reading them then or... ?" "Perhaps you could read a couple and then if she asks you, you know, you could say" "The ones that I like." "That you've read." "What's this ?" "It's a knife." "Just checking I wasn't going mad." "Why would you be going mad ?" "Well, just because this knife was with the forks again." "She wanted to throw them all away." "Don't you think that's sad ?" "Knives are the total opposite of forks." "What is less like a knife than a fork ?" "A bowl ?" "That's not a poem, that's just a bill." "At least I think-- I think it was." "What does it mean though ?" "What does it represent ?" "A knife." "No, that's what it is." "Why are they all on the floor ?" "Um, I dropped them." "All that exists is distraction from the fact that you want to die." "Let's go in and make her feel really good." "When you don't want to fuck anymore because you don't have a fuck to give, well then, clearly, by extension, it is impossible to give a fuck about anything." "Mum !" "You don't give a fuck about the house." "You don't give a fuck about the garden." "You don't give a fuck about the-- Do you give a fuck about us ?" "I asked you to throw those away." "You wanted to recycle them, so here they are, recycled." "Throw them away." "Why ?" "Because that's a box of misery, Tom." "To you." "It's about you." "It's not a nice thing." "It's not a good thing to have in the house, all right ?" "That's not how it reads." "Tim really likes them." "I really like your poems." "He's going to help get them published." "No one wants a compendium of suicide notes, do they ?" "They are not" "They're not suicide notes, they're poems." "They're love poems." "( Katie ) Dad, just go." "No, I will not just go." "Why does your mother have to be such a bloody attention seeker again ?" "Don't argue, please." "Attention seeker ?" "Yes." "How dare you ?" "The children are home." "We've got a house guest." "We could be having a nice day, but you insist on ruining everything with your bloody depressive morbid nonsense !" "Don't argue, please." "Oh, just leave me alone !" "Leave you alone ?" "Don't argue !" "What is the point of you ?" "What purpose do you serve ?" "I keep you alive, excuse me." "What does that mean ?" "I pay..." "Oh, I pay for this, I pay for" "The gas, I pay for the food in your stomach, the clothes on your back." "You inherited half of it, you pathetic man." "If it weren't for the children" "If it weren't for the children, what, Sophie ?" "If it wasn't for the children, what would you do exactly ?" "Shut up !" "And what does this have to do with what I said in the first place ?" "Because it certainly has nothing to do with what today should be all about." "Which is Boy's death !" "I'm not listening to you." "I pay for all that gunk you put on your legs to get the hair off." "Is this the way you want him to remember us ?" "Vicious-minded..." "God's sake." "Oh, yes, very good, dramatic exit." "No sense of priorities at all, you stupid man." "Why is everything still such a mess here ?" "If you imagine that all of the colors in the world represent each of the infinite emotions, right ?" "So, think of the primary colors of" " What are they ?" "Red and yellow and blue as representing, I don't know, happy and sad and scared or something." "You can mix those colors together and you can get an infinite number of combinations, but if you mix them all together at once then you get pure white, and that is what people think of as God or love." "It doesn't matter, it depends who you are." "That's what I don't get anymore." "That's why I'm here." "You've squandered your canister of dreams !" "Can I explain to you what happens when you mix all the colors in the world ?" "You get a sort of grey-y browny mush." "Also, and this is very important." "All feelings, true, false, positive, negative, they can all be subsumed into one category: passion." "And most people think that's a wonderful thing." ""Oh, passion, I like passion."" "Passion comes from the Greek word "paskho,"" "which means "I suffer."" "All feelings are suffering." "Life is suffering." "You are suffering because you are alive." "♪" "I think what happened sort of helped the breakup, because it sort of had been coming for quite a long time and I think it sort of helped make it happen." "It was rather like dealing with a kind of-- with an aggrieved child, I suppose really." "We actually dealt with the divorce in a very adult way." "It was very awkward." "She was fantastically reasonable and..." "It was a nightmare." "We just worked through it like a project and..." "I actually wanted to go to mediation about it and get some" " Because it was just hopeless." "Trying to speak to him is like..." "Well, funnily enough, I say child, but it's actually like trying to communicate with a dog." "Shall we just wait for this plane ?" "( plane engine roaring )" "You can only get across very basic needs and commands." "You can't make him understand any kind of emotional subtlety or complexity." "( plane engine roaring )" "So it ended up being very difficult and acrimonious and" "And actually in the end, it worked out in his favor." "I know that Mum feels like Dad ended up with more than his fair share." "I mean, Dad ended up with more than his fair share." "Yeah, he did, yeah, he did." "End up with way more than his fair share." "Yes ?" "Tom bloody Thompson ?" "Look at this !" "Last time I saw you, you were very tiny on my chair." "I'm a friend of Graham's." "Oh, Graham." "Yeah." "How is Graham ?" "I should" "It was nice to see you." "Thank you." "I'm sorry." "Could you put some sad music on ?" "Yes." "♪" "Oh, that's very good." "That's perfect." "... But Jess..." "Complicated." "Creative." "When you've got a lot of problems, everyone thinks you're just flaky... but it also gives you a lot of courage." "I love that you see that." "( Tom ) There was a time Sophie used to ask me, do poets write love, or do lovers live poetry ?" "And I" "Well, I don't know what the right answer is." "But the fact is, the reality is that when love actually happens to you, nothing as glorious as that has ever been written about." "So the question is ridiculous." "Lovers live love." "And it's so real and visceral that it's obvious it's going to last forever and then, just as obviously, it fades." "It's as if our love has its own mortality." "Love dies just like everything else does." "It's just a part of life." "It's no less beautiful for that." ""They're not suicide notes, they're poems." "Love poems."" ""Is this how you want him to remember us ?"" "You get to a point in your life, where you've done pretty much everything you've been asked to and it's like we're still infants, you know, still-- still showing mother." "Look, this picture I did." "Look, my Lego ship." "Look at this life I made." "Yes, well done." "Now go away and make another one." "Make a better one." "You all right ?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry we're always fighting." "Oh, I'm a murderer !" "Oh, I'm going to kill you !" "What, are you zooming in ?" "Oh, I'm going to kill you like I did the other guy." "Do I look some sort of freak ?" "Ready for your death." "Ah !" "... With too much makeup on." "Yeah, you should be afraid." "Yeah, off you go, before I kill you." "Piss off !" "Give that to" "Put that where Tim was sitting." "Yep." "Shall I put this on the table ?" "That's not glass, is it ?" "No." "Sophie, this does smell fantastic." "That's rather a large one." "I'll have the large one." "There you go." "Do you want me to pour-- Shall I pour the wine ?" "Yes, why don't you ?" "Tim ?" "Yes ?" "Yeah, here, sit." "I found some candles." "They're lovely." "I had to use the ones out the bathroom, but that's all right, isn't it ?" "With the picture, it's very-- Mum ?" "That's Boy's-- That's his shrine." "We can add to it, I suppose." "We'll probably find... bits of Boy memorabilia under sofas and behind cushions for years." "Is that all right for you, Jess ?" "Yeah, that's great, thanks." "Katie, do you want wine ?" "Yeah." "I don't have a glass." "Oh, I'm so sorry, let me get you a glass." "Hooray." "Cheers." "Cheers." "Cheers." "Well done, everybody." "When he arrived at our house, he made it clear..." "He made it clear that he was in the last moments of his life and..." "He told us where he wanted to be buried." "♪" "( doorbell )" "I'll get it." "... eating." "( Blake ) I'm sorry to disturb you again, Sophie." "I wondered if you'd mind my coming in and joining you for dinner" " You don't have to feed me anything." "I just want to be with you." "( Sophie ) Of course, come in." "I'm sorry to barge in on you all like this," "I know it's a family occasion." "Blake, it's good to see you." "Come in, come in and sit down." "( Sophie ) Are you all right ?" "Oh, yes, yes." "I just" "Sorry." "Jess, get another plate from the kitchen." "No, no, no, no, I'll be" "I should be gone in..." "Five minutes ?" "Yes." "You're such a beautiful family and I wanted to be with people." "The story is a man lost his wife in the pond because she disappeared and when it was frozen, it was obvious it couldn't be anywhere else because we walked there together when it was working." "It was frozen." "It was clear." "And the pace of a falling leaf was enough to tell you, wasn't it ?" "If you remember, the summer would never end." "And we used to stop" "We had to stop every few yards just to kiss each other and stroke each other and see each other just-- just to confirm." "And I was so scared that the world was playing a trick on me, that the world was conning me, because nobody has the right to feel that wonderful." "I suppose that's-- That's why" "The-- the birds." "They're always there-- in patterns." "She had a terrible pain in her leg, see, so I'm convinced and I know I sound like a madman, but I'm convinced that if you bury me there..." "She came back to me." "As Boy." "See ?" "And I know it and I'm not normally..." "But sometimes these things just become very clear, because she disappeared." "So." "So where" "Where else ?" "Who ?" "See, that's..." "So my-- my one request is that you bury me there with Boy because I don't want to be on my own when I'm dead." ""Before I die, I'd like to play a prince, a noble prince like princes in the plays... who fights and shouts and dances like a god... whose face is mired by dirt that will be seen" "in those untold, unsensed dimension new, where I surrender all my worldly faults."" ""No longer am I scared to be confused, revered, remembered, forgotten and abused."" "So" "Sorry." "Shh." "♪" "( Sophie ) "I am," by John Clare." "I am: yet what I am none cares or knows." "My friends forsake me like a memory lost;" "I am the self-consumer of my woes." "They rise and vanish in oblivious host, like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;" "And yet I am." "And live with shadows tossed into the nothingness of scorn and noise, into the living sea of waking dreams, where there is neither sense of life nor joys, but the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;" "And e'en the dearest" "That I loved the best, are strange" "Nay, rather stranger than the rest." "I long for scenes where man has never trod;" "A place where woman never smiled or wept;" "There to abide with my creator, God," "And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:" "Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;" "The grass below-- above the vaulted sky." "( Jess ) Well, that is what happened." "That is what happened." "I can see how people would think it's weird." "( Tom ) We didn't let him die or anything." "We didn't know that that was going to happen." "None of us could have predicted that it was all going to end up as public as it did, that it was going to end up in-- in court." "I could have performed a citizen's arrest for suicide, but I would have been arresting a dead person." "So what do you do when you're sitting there with a human being asking you something like that ?" "Do you go against it ?" "( Sophie ) In the moment, it felt that the most important thing to do was to do what Blake wanted." "To at least give him the end that he'd asked us for that clearly meant so much to him." "♪" "( Tom ) I was surprised at why I did it." "In retrospect I think, how stupid... you know, knowing how people react." "What an idiot..." "But it's probably the most beautiful thing I've ever done in my life." "♪" "Pond_blogger here with poem number 49." ""You had my love and that's enough." "When we are dead, it will be said, you were in love and I was, too, and that, my dear, will have to do."" "Ill be back tomorrow with poem number 50." "Thanks for watching." "Over and out."