"[JEWEL AKENS' "THE BIRDS AND THE BEES" PLAYING ON RADIO]" "EDNA  AKENS [SINGING]:" "Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees" "And the flowers and the trees" "And the moon up above" "[MUSIC STOPS]" " Nice voice." "Sounded like Rod Stewart." " I'll take it." "Ha, ha." "So, what can I do you for, Ephram?" "Oh, I just came by to talk to Dr. Jake." "I don't have an appointment, but it won't be more than 15 seconds." "No problem." "He just got in." "Go to Exam Room 1." "I'll let him know you're here." "Thanks." "[DOOR OPENS]" "Ephram Brown." "Seems to be a pretty common last name around here." " Unless..." " Yeah, son of." " You're Andy Brown's son?" "No way." " Way." "[CHUCKLES]" "Your dad is the man." "I looked him up when I got here." "There are like 500,000 websites with his name in them." " Like the Madonna of medicine." " I'll pass that on." "[CHUCKLES]" " What are you doing here?" " I just came by to get, you know, tested for whatever, sexually." "I mean, whatever you test for, go ahead and test away." " Sure." "We can do that, no problem." " Cool." "Uh, I just need you to fill out some paperwork here." "It's just, uh, basic sexual-history stuff." "If that's okay." "It's standard procedure." " Yeah, no, that's great." " Okay." "Here you go." "So, what's he like as a dad?" " Is he cool?" " Yeah." "I mean, you know, he's, uh, my dad." "When I was a resident at Cedars, I met famous people." "You know, meet their kids." "They'd be all kinds of crazy." "I just figured anybody who is as successful as your dad would probably be a lousy parent, but you seem normal..." "It's asking me if I've had sex with animals." "Oh, yeah." "People do weird things." "Just write "no." Unless..." " No." "Definitely, no." " This is just kind of funny." "I usually don't get this excited." "I mean, I treated Spielberg..." " Conventional intercourse?" " Intercourse with a woman." " Right." " The other residents they were curious." "What kind of DVDs did Spielberg bring in?" " What kind of books he read?" " I am done." "Oh, great." "Okay." "You know, on the unprotected question, um say like two times you didn't have something with you and once it broke." "I mean, what are your odds of catching something?" "As you're not an intravenous drug user and you've only had one partner I'd consider you a low-risk candidate." " Great." "So you're not currently sexually active?" "Uh, no, I'm not." "Um..." "But I'm hoping to be, which is why I'm here." "Well, that's responsible of you." "I kind of gotta get going, so..." "Of course." "Well, we can do these tests right now." "I'll run the whole panel and have results within a few days." "Back in a flash." "[DOOR OPENS AND BELL RINGS]" "[DOOR CLOSES]" "How's it going, beautiful?" "Oh." "Spare me the sweet talk." "Tell me you can do short order." " That good, huh?" "NINA:" "Yeah." "Have you seen Andy at all around today?" "Uh, actually, I haven't." "Why?" "Is everything okay?" " Yeah, I just need to talk to him." " Oh." "So hey, how is everything going with the high-school guy?" " The one you're in love with?" " Oh." "Oh, yeah." "It's going okay." "Just okay?" "Well, what did he say when you told him?" "Did he flip out?" "Uh, not exactly." " What are...?" "Jake." " Talk to me." "What happened?" " You are not allowed here." " I know." "It's a high-security post." "So, what's going on?" "Nothing's going on." "I haven't said anything to him yet." "Don't look at me like that." "I just..." "The right moment hasn't come up." "It's never gonna be the right moment." "You just have do it." "Why is this so important to you?" "Because I just hate to see you wasting your time pining." "That makes two of us." "And that's just a total waste of energy." "Mm." "It's..." "It's just..." "It's complicated." "He's a good friend." "As cliché as this may sound, it's hard to cross that line." "I say something, he doesn't feel the same, it could get weird." "Our friendship is gonna change." "It already has." "At least for you." "The fact that you're not being honest, what kind of friendship is that?" "And besides, if you don't tell him, I'm gonna keep on flirting with you." " Jake." "JAKE:" "Ha, ha." "Okay." "I'm going to retreat now to the unrestricted zone." "NINA:" "Mm-hm." "Don't be scared, Nin." "Just do it." "HANNAH:" "Ugh." "AMY:" "First time hurts, but it gets easier." "Oh, maybe I'm not ready for this." "Maybe just try it one more time?" "I'm leaving." "Be home on Monday." "You have Grandma's number?" " It's stuck up inside my eyeball." " Okay." " Let me see." "I see it." "Want me to grab it?" "ROSE:" "You sure you should be doing this?" " We're fine." "HANNAH:" "I think I got it." "I got it." " Are you sure?" " I got it." "Ah." "Doesn't Hannah look great without glasses?" " Beautiful." " Ha." "Thanks, Mrs. Abbott." "ROSE:" "You girls have fun." " Bye." "Love you." "See?" "You're suffering now, but it's gonna be totally worth it." "I promise." "[HANNAH SIGHS]" "Remember the first time you shaved your legs?" "Traumatic, but now it's nothing." "No, it's still traumatic." "[SIGHS]" "So is Bright home?" "He's, uh, working the restaurant today, I think." "Why?" "Just curious." "What?" "AMY:" "I don't wanna sound like I hate my brother, because I don't." "But you can't like him." " Think he's out of my league?" " No." "Better to be on the same level as the person that you like in terms of experience." " How far have you gone?" " Heh." "Oh, come on." "It's not like I'm the queen of experience either." "Trust me." "Um..." "I've never kissed a guy." "Okay." "Now, you see, Bright is at the other end of the fooling-around spectrum." "There's a gap between someone who's never kissed a guy and someone who's been with half of County." "He's Tiger Woods." "You're playing miniature golf." "Only I've never even held a club." "[BOTH LAUGH]" "It's not all about how far you've gone." "It has a lot to do with attitude too." "Ephram and I, we take these things seriously." "We're comfortable talking about them." "Bright doesn't take anything seriously." "Want your first kiss with someone like that?" "Maybe." "Hannah, no." "Oh, my gosh." "Just forget about my brother and I promise I will make it my mission to find you someone better." "Besides, with those new contact lenses, I'm not even gonna have to try." "Ahh." "Okay." "So when is he getting home?" "[GIGGLING]" "Psst." " Are we alone?" " Well, Dr. Abbott left an hour ago if that's who you're referring to." "Unless it's Louise you're worried about." "Nah." "She's pretty scrappy, but I could take her." "So hey." "Uh, I just wanted to run something by you." "How is Edna doing?" "Uh, great." "She's..." "She's been great." "She made you her spiced cider?" " Uh, I can't say I've had the cider." "No." " Ooh, too bad." "It's terrific." "She mills the spices herself." "She has a mortar and pestle..." "Look, a boy, a senior, 17 years old, came into my office today for an STD test." " Okay." "Okay." "And I'm sure it's different in L.A." "Just curious how it works here." "Do you give them free contraceptives?" "It's your call." "Do whatever you wanna do." "Well, yes." "But since the kid's a minor, I mean, do you notify the parent?" "Parent or parents?" "I think he's being raised by a single dad." "Well, in that case, I would, uh, talk to him make sure that he's being safe." " Lf anything abnormal showed up..." " Oh, no." "I don't think that's the issue." "I think he's just doing them as a precaution." "You know?" "Before." "Right." " It seems like you're covering all your bases." " Okay." "Good." "Just trying to do the right thing." "I don't wanna make any more rookie mistakes in this town, ha, ha." "Thanks, Andy." "[SIGHS]" "[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]" "[DOORBELL RINGS]" "Coming." "Ah, Dr. Brown, come in, come in." "You're timing is impeccable." "Debra Winger's been diagnosed with a malignant tumor." "Another serving of shells and cheese is simmering on the stove top." "Hmm?" " No, thanks." "I just ate." " Well, suit yourself." "Ah." " Listen, uh..." " I have to tell you." "This whole bachelorhood thing is not at all intolerable." "Do you realize I have serving utensils sitting in the sink unrinsed?" "Unrinsed." "Now, do you have any idea the kind of freedom that is?" "Ephram and Amy are gonna have sex." " What?" " Jake came by my office after work today." "Apparently, Ephram went to see him for an STD test just as a precaution before they..." " Before they...?" "I'm assuming it hasn't happened yet." "That's what he thought." " Jake told you this?" " In a roundabout way, yes." "And believe me, the irony did not go unnoticed." "Made me feel kind of bad about last year with Amy and..." " Listen, that's not important." "The point is..." " The point is they're going to have sex." " Looks like it, yes." " But how?" "Oh, how did this happen?" "They're both seniors." "They're going off to college next year." "Not that unusual." "Ephram's already had sex." "He's probably over-ready." " You think he's pressuring her?" " I don't think that." "You don't think that." "[SIGHS]" "I think my macaroni and cheese is coming back on me, that's what I think." "My God." "Whatever happened to good old-fashioned hand-holding?" "A chaste kiss on the cheek in the presence of a chaperone?" "I don't know." "They went the way of the poodle skirt." "And you had to go and build that soundproof garage for Ephram." "Why not just buy them their very own Motel 6?" " Oh, calm down." "I came here so you and..." " Don't tell me to calm down." "My daughter's about to be deflowered by super-sperm." "I'm not supposed to have a reaction?" "You don't understand." "I understand." "Ephram's my son." "I'm just as upset about this as you are." "No, you're not." "It's not the same with boys." "I had the talk with Bright last year." "Lasted all of 15 minutes." "I never even thought about it again." "But Amy..." "[SIGHS]" "Amy, she's my little girl." "It's different, Andy." "You'll see." "In 10 years' time when you're having this conversation with Delia, get back to me." "You're right." "I wouldn't have given this a second thought if everything hadn't happened with..." "With Madison." "I know." "Listen, I'll talk to him." "Maybe, uh..." "Maybe I can convince him to hold off for a while." "And I'll talk to Amy too." "Perhaps..." "Oh, God." "Rose is out of town all weekend visiting that wretched mother of hers." " Do you think this can wait till Monday?" " Well, we can wait." "The question is, could they wait?" "Welcome to bachelorhood, Harold." "[AND Y SIGHS]" " Andy." " Mm?" "Do you have any idea what you're going to say?" "Nope." "You?" "None whatsoever." "[HARRY SCOFFS]" "[PLAYING LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC]" " You in the middle of something?" " Not anymore." "What's up?" "I wanna talk about sex." "I don't know how much pot you smoked in the '60s but we had this conversation last year." " I know that." "We're gonna have it with every girl I date?" "Hopefully, this will be my swan song." "But this is different." "This time I'm going to tell you that I don't think you should have sex with Amy." "Supposed to be a complete sentence." " Are you forbidding it?" " I can't control the decisions that you make." "But I would appreciate it if you'd hear me out." "I know that you and Amy are in love." "I know that feeling is very powerful and it makes you want to push the relationship forward." "But I would like you to think how it was for you with Madison last year." "How did you know I had sex with Madison?" "Because at some point the relationship deepened." "It changed." "You changed." "And I saw it happen." "And I want you to think about how you felt after it happened." "And multiply those feelings by a thousand." " And that's how it's gonna be for Amy." " Yeah, I hear you." "If I didn't think I was in this for the long haul, then I might agree." "That's just it." "You are in it for the long haul." "I can see that." "Which is why you can afford to take your time." "I mean, how is it going for you two right now?" "Great." "The best I've ever been." "Well, sex changes that." "Forever." "Dynamics the focus of the relationship." "I mean, you two have worked so hard for so long to be together." "And to be happy." "You willing to risk that?" " Not when you put it like that." " Sex has a way of feeling like the prize especially at your age, and I understand." "All I'm asking for you to do is to just take your time." "I just want you to, uh enjoy getting to that." "It's worth it." " Impressive." " Yeah?" "Yeah." "I mean, definitely one of your better ones." "It hasn't come up yet, but, uh, you know, if it does, I'll be sure to think about it." "[ELEGANT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]" "Crudités?" "What is all of this?" "High tea." " Try the spread." "It's wonderful." " No, I'm good." "Dad, you realize the last time we had a tea party I was like 4?" "Yeah." "Yes." "Yes." "And do you remember those tea parties?" "How we used to make those little cakes in your Easy-Bake Oven?" "Those were delicious, weren't they?" " Um, yeah." " Yes." "But remember how if we took them out prematurely they wouldn't be ready?" "HARRY:" "Hmm?" "Because, honey, it wasn't time yet." "I'm..." "I'm talking about sex, Amy." "I know you and Ephram have discussed it." " What?" "No." "No, we haven't." " Of course you have." " No, we haven't, Dad." " Come, now." "We should be able to engage in an honest discourse without falling prey to the typical flusterings." "I am a hip dad." "You can't say you're hip." "It kind of goes against actually being hip." " Is Mom home?" " Oh, we do not need your mother." "Here." "Have a scone." " Listen to me." " Dad?" "Just..." "You and Ephram aren't kids anymore." "You're teenagers with all those hormones coursing through your bodies." "Why wouldn't you be thinking about sex?" "I guess it's not that I'm not thinking about it." "I just..." "Oh, honey, it's only natural." "With the media bombarding you with suggestive imagery every chance it gets." "Movies, television." "Not to mention those Victoria's Secret commercials which leave very little to the imagination." "And I'm sure that many of your peers are even trying it out." " Some of them." " Thought so." "And I'm assuming you're still on the pill." " Only because Aunt Linda said it wasn't good to go on and off of it." "So I just stayed on." "[GASPS]" "Unless maybe subconsciously I stayed on for Ephram and I?" "You probably did." "Because you wanted your first time to be with someone that you're in love with that you felt comfortable with." " Yes, that's true." "See?" "I understand these things." "Maybe you're right." "Maybe I've just avoided talking to Ephram about this because I'm..." "I don't know." " Scared of my sexuality." "No." "What's that, now?" " You...?" " Dad, you're probably dead-on." "I'm closer to this than I thought." "Maybe it is time I start talking to Ephram about this stuff." " Wait." "So you truly have not actually...?" " Dad, this is fantastic." "You clarified a lot of stuff." "You were right." "We didn't need Mom for this." "[DOOR OPENS]" "[DOOR CLOSES]" "Hannah, hey." "We don't open till 5:30." "Yeah, I know." "I'm not here to eat." "Can't remember if I told you, but I'm living at Nina's." "She's got a whole other person to feed now that I'm there and, uh, she works so hard already." "I was thinking maybe I could help her out." "And you seem to really enjoy working here, so..." " What?" "You want a job?" " Yeah." " Do you have something in your eye?" " No." "Well, technically, yes." " Just, heh, having some blinking issues." " Oh." "So listen, uh, my manager's not here right now and I'm on the clock." " So..." "HANNAH:" "Uh, okay." "Uh, I can get you an application." "Just hang for a while." " I gotta do a few things." " I can hang." "All right." "You're really good at that." "Setting up." "You're really fast." "Eh, hardly think about it anymore, you get used to it." "Well, it's obvious you're a natural." "Really coordinated and everything." "Uh, want some restaurant lingo?" "When you sit down with Mikey, you'll sound professional." " Sure." " This, what I'm doing here?" "HANNAH:" "Mm-hm." " Called marrying the ketchups." "Because you're marrying two ketchups?" "Exactly." ""Do you, Mr. Heinz, take you, Miss, uh, Generic-Tomato-Paste to be your lawfully wedded wife?"" "[IN HIGH VOICE] "I do." "Mwah."" "[BOTH CHUCKLE]" "There must be a lot of inbreeding, huh?" "Because they're both ketchups?" "You know, they're keeping it in the family?" " Sorry." "That was stupid." " [IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, no." "No." "It took me a while." "I like it." "You're twisted." " Thanks." " Kind of got that Ephram smart thing going." "So, uh, what are you doing right now?" " Now?" " Because I am off." "I was thinking about a movie." "Wanna come?" " Yeah." "Yeah, I could definitely come." "Sure." " Then let's hit it." " Okay." " Oh, wait." "You wanted that application?" " Right." "Yes." " One sec." "[GIGGLES]" "[SIGHS THEN GIGGLES]" "[KNOCKING]" "Hello?" "Andy?" "Nina." "There's my lovely next-door neighbor." "You know what you are looking at?" "You are looking at one hell of a father-son communicator." " Is that so?" " Mm-hm." "I had a very nice chat with Ephram this morning and, uh, let's just say that I was extremely effective." "A good reason for a night on the town, which is why I came by." "Oh?" "Well, I have a sitter for tonight." "She offered to work." "Just an excuse to get away from her boyfriend but I heard about this new tapas place." "You get a whole bunch of little tastes..." "Ooh, very Spanish." "Sounds great." "What time should we go?" "Um, well, actually I made a reservation for 8:00, so, uh..." "A reservation?" "Uh, yeah." "Wow." "I haven't heard that term in over a year." " Must be pretty swanky." " Heh, well, it's just new." "So, uh..." " So I'll come by around 7:30?" " Yeah, perfect." "Okay." "See you at 7:30." "So, uh, I had sort of an interesting conversation with my dad today." " Yeah?" "He thinks we're having sex." "Or we're thinking about it." "That's a little weird." "I had the exact same conversation with my dad today." "Really?" "I guess it's in the air." " How long ago did you guys have this talk?" " Few hours ago." "Funny thing is he just sort of assumed that we've been thinking about it." "I haven't really, but the fact that he was made me think that maybe we should be." " Edna." " Ew." "I bring up sex and you bring up my grandma?" "Okay, this is not a big deal, so don't, like, freak out or anything but I went and, uh, saw Dr. Jake the other day just for some routine checkups and stuff and I decided I should probably get tested." "So I did, and Edna must have seen my chart and told our dads." "Which is why we're both getting the talk." "Whoa, wait." "You went to get tested for, like, HIV and stuff?" "Yeah." "I mean, it seemed like the responsible thing to do, so..." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Uh..." "I don't know." "I thought they were my tests and it didn't have anything to do with you." " Okay." " I mean, I took the tests for you." "I figured I'd wait until I had a clean bill of health before I got you involved." "That's romantic." "Some girls get flowers and I get test results." "I'm serious, Ephram." "The second I started thinking about this, I talked to you." "Like four minutes ago, but not only did you not talk to me about it you got a doctor's appointment and got blood taken..." "Why make this bigger than it needs to be?" "The getting tested or the having sex?" "Either." "Both." "I mean, it doesn't have to be this massive." "Heh." "Right, because you're such an experienced sex god that our first time is just whatever." "Well, it's not my first time." "But it's our first time." "Thanks for reminding me because you getting an STD test wasn't enough." " Amy." " It doesn't even matter because this thing has made me realize we are not even close to being ready anyways." "Way to go, Dad." "Almost had me this time." " What?" " I know you know I went to get tested which is why you gave me that crap about holding off." " It was not crap." " As if you're just Mr. Father-Knows-Best." "I knew." "But you didn't wanna discuss it with me." "Most of the time you say the stupidest crap." "Really pisses me off." "Once in a while, you say something that makes sense." "I was actually thinking about taking your advice." "The fact that I knew doesn't change our conversation." "It completely does." "It came from a totally false place." "Motivated by personal agenda which I don't get." " Well, what don't you get?" " Why do you care?" "Why are you jumping through hoops to try to keep me from having sex?" "If it was my first time, I'd get it, but it's not." "Sex has been had, so why are you freaking out now?" "Because with you and Amy, it's more serious." "That's why..." "I don't care." "Forget it." "[KNOCKING ON DOOR]" " Hey." "EPHRAM:" "If I wanna have sex I'm gonna have sex, and I'm not gonna talk to you about it." "I'll cancel that reservation." "[SIGHS]" " Amy." " Hi, Grandma." "You totally ruined my life." "Well, this should be fun." "It is obviously not all your fault." "I just don't understand why you'd go to my dad instead of coming to me." "Especially after everything we went through." "Come to you about what?" "You're making me dizzy." "You know Ephram went to get an STD test from Dr. Jake and you told my dad, who told Dr. Brown or told Dr. Brown, who told my dad." "Not sure of the order." "Okay." "The point is now the entire population of Everwood knows Ephram wanted to have sex with me except for me." " So you didn't know he was getting tested?" " No." "Okay." "I'm just trying to break this down to basics." "So you're upset that Ephram didn't tell you." "I'm upset because..." "Because this thing is embarrassing." "Farting in a public restroom is embarrassing." "That's not what's got you bugged." "If you're gonna throw a hissy fit at me, at least be honest." "I feel like an idiot." "I've just been trying to convince myself that Ephram and I are on the same page with this stuff." "Like sex and everything." "I mean, I knew that he slept with Madison." "He told me that but I thought maybe if I didn't think about that that I could pretend like it didn't happen." "Why does it matter that it happened?" "Because." "How am I gonna live up to that?" "What?" "Oh, Amy." "Come on, Grandma." "Try to be a little unbiased here." "Seriously." "I mean, the girl's like four years older than me clearly way more experienced, a hell of a lot prettier." "Watch it." "That's my favorite granddaughter you're insulting." "I'm serious, though." "I mean I just tried to imagine that Ephram and I were in the same universe and the bottom line is we're not." "You're in love." "That's the only universe that counts." "Listen to me." "Sex isn't just an act you learn how to do once." "It's different with every person." "And every time you embark on that journey with someone new, it's scary." "No matter how many times you've done it before." " Heck, the first time Irv and I..." " Oh, Grandma, no." "[CHUCKLES]" "Sorry." "But you get what I'm saying?" "It's all right to be afraid or nervous." " It just means it's important to you." " Yeah." "I guess I don't fully believe you yet, but I appreciate the thought." "Thank you." "[KNOCKING ON DOOR]" " Edna." " You discuss a patient's business outside the office again, you'll be begging for a court martial." " How did you find out?" " I'm a god." "That's how." " I know all." " The kid is a minor and he looked freaked out sitting in my office all by himself." "If I were his parent, I would wanna know." "You don't get to make that call." "What you did was unprofessional." "If you're talking confidentiality, I didn't mention his name." "Not once." "And, I gotta say, I still don't know how you..." "Pay attention." "It might be complicated for your California, pea-sized brain to understand." "Ephram Brown, son of Dr. Brown goes out with Amy Abbott, daughter of Dr. Abbott who happens to be my son, which makes her my granddaughter." "Wow." " It's like a Greek play." " That's right." "So if you ever do anything like this again I'll buy a broach and stab you in the eyes myself." "Hey, Edna." "How come you never make me your spiced cider?" "How are you liking this place?" "Nina treating you all right?" "Yeah, Nina's great." "I've met a lot of really nice people." "BRIGHT:" "Ah, you mean my sister and her permanent appendage." "And you." "Good luck with that application." "If you need help with restaurant lingo, give me a buzz." " Really?" " Yeah." "BRIGHT:" "Ooh." "I'm sorry." "Did I lean in wrong?" "No." "No, it's just, uh, this..." "This isn't that kind of night, Hannah." "I know." "I'm trying to make it that kind of night." "I like you, Bright." "Yeah." "I kind of figured that out from before." "Oh, you..." "Okay." " Okay." " Ahem." "I'm sorry." "I hope I didn't lead you on or anything." " I'm sorry..." " No, no, no." "You didn't." "It's fine." "It..." "Although actually, you kind of did." "I mean, if you knew that I...?" "Why would you do all that stuff?" "We went to the movies, not like I tried to rip your shirt off." "No, hey." "No." "Look, look." "Hey, you're right, okay." "I flirted with you, but I don't know why." " It's just natural reflex with me and..." " And what?" "And I don't know." "I guess part of me liked having the company." "Uh, I mean..." "Look, I'm really messed up right now." "L..." "My life is nothing like how I pictured it, you know?" "All my friends are off to college." "And Ephram..." "My best friend, we're not even talking right now, you know?" "You come in today, you're looking up to me treating me like a movie star or something." " Oh, God." "It made me feel good, heh." "I haven't felt that in a long time." "Maybe you don't deserve to." "[DOOR OPENS]" "[DOOR SLAMS]" "AND Y:" "Like every time we take two steps forward, we're taking 30 steps back." "Aw, I'm sure it's not that bad." "It's maybe 29 steps, tops." "It doesn't matter." "He's gonna do what he wants to do." " There's nothing I can do about it." " But there never was." "I mean, I'm sure it was a hell of a speech but you didn't really think that you were gonna stop them from having sex, did you?" " Why is that so crazy?" "When did we get to this point where kids just have sex and we're okay with it?" "At least Ephram is being responsible and you did cover that stuff last year." "Please." "Last year I had my head in the sand." "I was so busy trying to be his friend, his buddy." "I think I told him to go and have fun, if you can believe that." "Ha." "Well, doesn't sound like the worst advice." "Well, trust me, it is." "You can only pull off that friend routine for so long before being a parent catches up with you and you think about the million things that can go wrong." "You can't think about that stuff." "You can, but it'll just drive you nuts." "If I worried about every concussion Sam might get when he hits monkey bars, I'd go insane." " Oh, monkey bars are dangerous." " I could tell you stories." " Please don't." "That's the thing." "There comes a point where you just have to trust your kid and have faith in the universe that they're gonna be okay." "Yeah, well." "I don't have that faith." "Well, I do." "And I keep a little extra for you, so don't worry, okay?" "I don't know what I'd do without you." "I don't." "Look at you in that outfit." "I can't believe I messed up our evening tonight." "Nah, it's okay." "I could always wear it again." "Yeah, but you look so pretty." "And I could've been your wingman." "I bet there are thousands of guys at that place." "You know what?" "I'll make it up to you." " Take a rain check, okay?" " Sure." "Rain check." "[SIGHS]" "AMY:" "Hey, Bright?" " Look, I already know." "Okay?" "So don't bother laying into me." "You can't make me feel any worse." "Um, hello, guilty conscience, I came to tell you I took the trash out so you don't have to." "Oh, thanks." " So, what did you do?" " Nothing." "Get into another fight with Dad?" "Mom?" " Ephram?" " I'm not gonna talk to you about this." "Go." "Fine." "I don't really have the head space to listen to what you have to say anyways." "Good." "Let me give you two seconds of advice." "[SIGHS]" "I'm serious." "This is coming from a girl who's done therapy, yoga and antidepressants so I know what I'm talking about." "You can't keep shutting people out, Bright." "You think you can." "You think you'll keep finding new doors to open but the fact is they're not there." "There actually are a limited number of doors and an extremely limited number of great people who really, really care." "So just work it out with whoever." "If there's a thousand people pissed at you, then just start with one." "And start soon because it's really hard losing people." "But it's even harder getting them back." "That's it." "[SOBBING]" "Hey, Hannah." "I think I am gonna take that blue one back..." "Honey, is something wrong?" "No, no, I'm fine." "Did something happen?" "Did your mom call?" "No, no." "It's..." "It's nothing." "It's just stupid boy stuff." "Huh." "Well, there's nothing stupid about boy stuff." "You know how they say if you put yourself out there risk something, your heart or something, then it's supposed to work out?" "Who says that?" " You know?" "Movies, Shakespeare." " Oh, right." "Well, it's definitely not true." "And personally, I think it is a very bad idea." "Putting yourself out there." "Unwise." "You put your heart on the line and didn't get the outcome you were hoping for?" "Just thought, you know, if I..." "If I got contact lenses and did my hair the right way then maybe I'd be that girl that guys like back." "But I'm not that girl." "I'm never gonna be that girl." "Ugh, and I never should have told him that I liked him." "Ugh." "Him who?" "Never mind." "It doesn't matter." "There's nothing wrong with what you did." "There is." "He doesn't like me." " Now I look like this idiot." " No, you don't." "[SCOFFS]" "Actually, you look incredibly brave to me." "It takes guts to tell someone how you feel about them." "You know what?" "It almost doesn't matter what they say back." "The fact that you had the courage to say it means you are the girl that gets the guy." " Ugh." " Not all the guys, but the right guy the one who's gonna appreciate how rare you are." "[SNIFFS]" "It's just I liked liking him." "It was fun to think about him." "It was a fun dream to go to sleep to, you know?" "I guess false hope is better than no hope at all, right?" " Ahh, Shakespeare." "What a hack." " Ha, ha." "Yup." "I say we skip dinner tonight and go straight to dessert." "[CHUCKLES]" "I like it." "Oh, I almost forgot." "Somebody left this by the front door." "I assume it's for you." "Ketchup children." "What does that mean?" "Consolation prize." "[ELEGANT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]" "You know, these crumpets are delicious." "I've never had a crumpet." "Hear me out." "I've researched it." "Several well-respected programs accept new students at the semester break." "Andover, for one, has an exceptional music program." " I don't think that's the answer." " Option two." "We devise a system whereby at no time are these two left unsupervised." "Did you know there is a LoJack device specifically designed for people?" "People on parole." "From prison." "But the technology exists." "We decide how to use it." " It's over, isn't it?" " Not necessarily." "They're teenagers." "There's a chance they'll screw this up before they even get to the sex." "[DOOR OPENS]" "Here's to praying." "ROSE:" "Hello?" "Anybody home?" " Ah." "Rose?" "ROSE:" "Harold?" "Thank God." " Never leave me alone again." "ROSE:" "Oh, it's good to see you too, dear." "HARRY:" "We need to buy locks, Rose." "Lots of locks and a security system preferably something with a motion detector." "ROSE:" "Was there a break-in?" " Not yet." "Hi, Rose." " Welcome back." "ROSE:" "Dr. Brown." "I don't know what we have, but you're welcome to stay for dinner." "No, no, I'm fine." " See you tomorrow, Harold." " Yes." "Oh, I tell you, Rose." "You can't imagine the kind of weekend I've had." "ROSE:" "Oh, well, let me tell you, my mother was in fine form as well." "HARRY:" "Well, how was the old battleax?" "If we went to see another movie we could spend another two hours avoiding conversation." "I was thinking a triple feature." " It'd be like the week never happened." " Ha, ha." "No, I'm glad this week happened." "Not necessarily a fan of how it happened." "Just..." "Pick a hand." " What?" " Pick a hand." "That one." "What is this?" "An apology letter?" "How very formal of you." "[AMY CHUCKLES]" "Test results." "I wanted to try to make them as romantic as possible." " You know, pretty street, starry night." " Mm." "And you're clean." "Yeah, that wasn't supposed to be a surprise." "[BOTH CHUCKLE]" "Look, Amy I need you to know that if, you know, we do I mean, it's gonna be a big deal for me as well." "It's not something I'm gonna take lightly." "Because you're not somebody that I take lightly." "I know." "You, uh..." "You wanna see what was in my other hand?" "Oh, my God." "[CHUCKLES]" "I was, uh..." "I was actually looking to try to find you a bracelet and I saw this and it just reminded me of you." "The circle, it's, like, infinite." "That's kind of how I feel about us, so..." "I'm..." "I'm shocked, ha." "Here." "Allow me." "It's beautiful." "Thank you." "[AMY SIGHS]" "Well, I guess it's a good thing I stayed on the pill." "You are?" "Since when?" "Last year." "For Tommy." "You went on the pill for that creep?" "AMY:" "Yeah." "So?" "EPHRAM:" "You knew when you went on the pill that nothing was gonna happen, right?" "AMY:" "Are you feeling threatened?" "EPHRAM:" "No." " Threatened by who?" "AMY:" "You're feeling threatened, ha, ha." "[ENGLISH SDH]"