"(eerie music playing)" "(theme from ( the twilight zoneplaying)" "(heartbeat)" "andrea moffatt longs for true love." "a man who is strong, handsome and exotic." "who desires her above all other women." "she is about to learn that naivete has its price and that the universe has a very curious sense of humor." "do you have the key for the other register?" "no, try the mouse." "think she had it last." "she's not a mouse." "hamster?" "no, wait-- gerbil." "cute and fuzzy?" "soft and squishy?" "you know, you're wasting your time with her." "hi." "elaine said you had the key for register two?" "oh, yes, i do." "it's, um... it's over there." "it's no problem." "andy... i was wondering if you're doing anything uh... after work tonight?" "that's nice of you to ask me." "um... yes, i am." "i'm busy." "but thank you." "squeak, squeak." "you know, you really shouldn't pass up carl." "he's not such a bad catch." "someone like you can't afford to be choosy." "quiet, i mean." "i know, but... he's no prince charming?" "honey, there ain't no such animal." "there are lots of other kinds of animals." "i can tell you about them." "there are the ones who would rather chew their arms off than stay until morning." "and then, of course, there are the ones who expect you to make breakfast for them as a reward for their performance." "andrea:" "elaine, you said you were going to give up those downers." "if they ever catch you... but they won't, 'cause my dear sweet friend andrea is going to watch out for me, isn't she?" "one of these days, it's going to catch up with you." "if i didn't take these, i couldn't sleep." "if i couldn't sleep, i couldn't work." "we wouldn't me to lose my job, would we?" "hmm?" "(meow) oh, hello." "hello, there." "i haven't seen you around here before." "are you friendly?" "oh, you're a big one." "let me see you." "let me see you." "oh, what's the matter?" "you don't have a collar, huh?" "didn't anyone buy you a collar?" "no?" "if somebody loved you, they'd buy you a collar." "there you go, big guy." "like that?" "oh, you're thirsty." "don't you make a habit of it, though." "(shower running)" "(meow)" "where's the..?" "scream if you must." "i've checked out your place." "you've gone to lot of trouble to isolate yourself." "to hide from the world." "i'm calling the police." "by all means." "tell them that you've seen a man turn into a cat." "oh!" "you really must buy a better brand of coffee." "now, the turks,they knew how to brew coffee even if they were barbarians." "i won't hurt you." "i came from provence originally, a long time ago." "i was called guillaume de marchaud." "i had a great talent for two things:" "singing and making love." "one night, i was caught making love to the wrong woman." "or rather, the right woman at the wrong time." "her husband could do things you call impossible today." "he cursed me to remain forever in the form of a cat only able to become a man again at night." "but it's not such a curse." "i have spent centuries loving women." "showing women how to love." "women like you." "if you ask me to go, i will go." "but i promise you, you will never see my like again." "never feel the things that i alone can make you feel." "this is a dream." "it's a very nice dream, yes?" "yes... no... yes, it is." "i just never thought that it would happen to me." "you are the one, aren't you?" "am i?" "yes." "oh, yes." "andrea:" "good morning, elaine." "good morning, carl." "elaine:" "chipper?" "happy?" "perky?" "the end of the world is upon us." "have you been drinking too much coffee again?" "nope. i just had a nice night." "good morning, dr. wood." "what's he going to do?" "meow at me?" "you sure you don't need some of these?" "would you please put them back?" "just trying to be neighborly." "inventory, carl, huh?" "mm-hmm." "(purring)" "i am telling you... nobody changes that much in a week unless there's sex involved." "that's $36.75." "what i'd give to be a fly on the wall." "as opposed to a bat in her belfry?" "was that a remark?" "hi." "how are you?" "you know what?" "i have something for you." "i have a present." "here it is." "(hissing)" "andrea, come here." "what were you thinking of?" "what do you think would have happened when i tried to become a man withthisaround my neck?" "i'm sorry, guillaume." "i just didn't want anyone to pick you up as a stray during the day." "i didn't think." "i haven't survived this long by letting some fool of a woman put a collar on me." "no one owns guillaume de marchaud... no one." "do you hear?" "i'm sorry, guillaume." "i bought some other things for you." "shirts." "socks." "next time, buy something that i'll enjoy seeing on you-- silk, satin, black lace." "you know what i want." "good." "until then, we shall simply have to do without." "long lunch." "you've been late yourself sometimes." "what have we got here?" "oh!" "who is this for?" "is this for carl baby?" "no, carl baby's jaw is on the floor." "come on, andy, kiss and tell." "just put it back, please." "i think it's about time a certain fly made an appearance on a certain wall." "your coffee." "i have a surprise for you." "yes, it's very nice." "how many times have i asked you for one simple thing?" "i want something that a man can stand to drink-- not this sewage water that you keep serving me." "i'll get some tomorrow." "you will go now... or i will leave... for good." "hi." "i'm a friend of andy's." "can i come in?" "lately, andy's been so, uh... tense at work." "i just thought i'd stop in and see who... i mean, how she was getting on." "i've heard a lot about you." "oh?" "nothing bad, i hope." "that depends on what one means by bad, does it not?" "hmm." "we have 20 minutes to become acquainted." "(door opening) elaine:" "i think we have to do this again real soon." "guillaume:" "yes." "(car door closes, engine starts)" "you just missed your friend, elaine." "i know what kind of a friend she is." "how could you?" "i thought you loved me." "spare me the cliches." "this isn't a scene from one of your silly books." "i've been here too long." "it's time i left." "no, guillaume, you can't!" "i love you." "it is the way of the tomcat." "i've had my fun and so have you." "love had nothing to do with it." "you're going to her, aren't you?" "yes." "no." "oh, guillaume, please... don't go." "just one more night." "that's all i ask." "please." "all right." "one more night." "i'll make some coffee." "you can't buy me back with coffee, andrea." "after tonight, it's over." "yes... it's over." "your coffee." "strong and bitter... as i like it." "i'm glad that you like it." "i picked it especially for you." "(phone rings) hello?" "hi, carl." "no, it's okay." "don't worry about it." "yeah, well, uh... elaine does things like that." "i haven't seen a movie in ages." "yeah, friday night, that would be fine." "sure." "yeah." "i'll see you tomorrow." "yeah, me, too." "bye." "poor andrea... the injured innocent." "you are no better than any other woman i've ever known." "you never learn." "you... you... oh, but i did learn." "i won't be weak anymore." "that's the best lesson of all." "i want you to remember that in case you ever think of coming back here again." "woman:" "have you been here before?" "andrea:" "no, i haven't been here before." "sex?" "male." "he's a tomcat." "well then, what can we do for you today?" "i'd like to have him fixed." "(hissing, snarling) a lesson on romance versus reality with a word of warning for those who want to mix the two-- don't." "or you may find your head in the clouds, your feet on the ground, and the rest of you somewhere inthe twilight zone."