"(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "(theme song ending)" "Yeah, yeah... yeah, that'll be all right." "Okay, now, let's see, what else do we need?" "Barbershop quartet." "Okay." "Hi, Rick." "Oh, hi." "A barbershop quartet-- yeah, that's right." "Listen, uh... how much will that cost?" "What?" "!" "Look, I only want a quartet." "I don't want the whole Metropolitan Opera Company." "Look, I don't want you to think" "Look, I don't want you to think that I'm a tight skate." "(louder):" "Tight skate." "Cheap wad." "Well, you know what I'm talking about." "All right, well, look, they're only singers." "See if you can get them to work cheaper than that." "Okay, good-bye." "Hey, Rick, you looking for singers?" "Good ones that'll work cheap?" "Yeah, I'm putting on a new show." "If I'd known what I was getting into," "I would have never..." "BOTH:" "♪ Ta-da!" "♪" "Oh, no." "Presenting..." "Those incomparable exponents of mellifluous melody..." "Heartwarming harmony..." "And appropriate terpsichore..." "BOTH:" "The Merry Mertzes." "Now look, Fred, Ethel..." "Oh, come on, now, Ricky, you used us once, and we were good, remember?" "Yeah!" "♪ Oh, nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina ♪" "♪ In the mo-wo-worning ♪" "♪ No one could be sweeter than my sweetie when I meet her ♪" "♪ In the mo-wo-worning... ♪" "All right, all right, hold it, hold it." "I must admit, you were pretty good." "I'll see if I can find a spot for you in the show." "You come down to rehearsal tomorrow and I'll give you an audition." "Oh, fine!" "What kind of a show is it going to be?" "It's going to be a gay '90s revue." "ETHEL:" "That ought to be fun." "FRED:" "Great." "You know, we didn't have the gay '90s in Cuba like you did over here." "What were they like, Fred?" "I don't know." "That was before my time." "Ask Ethel." "We shouldn't be talking about a new show." "Lucy might hear us." "So what?" "In her condition, she wouldn't want to be in the show." "She wouldn't?" "RICKY:" "Of course not." "Oh, I can understand that." "Her figure has changed quite a bit, you know." " Sure." "J' While strolling through the park one day ♪" "♪ In the merry, merry month of May ♪" "♪ I was taken by surprise ♪" "♪ By a pair of roguish eyes ♪" "♪ And you can put that parasol away, born, born. ♪" "Now, Ricky, if Fred and Ethel are going to be in your show, there's no reason why I can't be in it, too." "Now, look, wait a minute." "In the first place," "I have not definitely promised Fred and Ethel that they're going to be in the show." "And in the second place," "I can definitely promise you that you're not going to be in it." "But Ricky..." "You're going to have a baby, remember?" "Of course I remember." "That's just the point." "After I have the baby, I'll have to stay home and take care of it." "I'll never be able to be in a show again." "Hey, I never thought about it that way." "Sure, it'll sort of be my show business farewell." "My show business swan song." "Lucy, the answer is no." "Would you begrudge an expectant swan her song?" "You seem to forget that this particular swan has no talent." "Oh, no?" "What time is that rehearsal tomorrow?" "You're not going to be there, so just forget it." "No?" "No, I said no, I'm not going to be there." "Sir, you dare not strike a mother." "Lucy?" "I'm in the closet, Ethel, trying to find a costume for my audition today." "Oh, no, Lucy, you're not really going to go down there and audition, are you?" "I certainly am." "Trying to find a costume that won't be too revealing." "How's this?" "Well, I guess that's not too revealing." "What number are you going to do?" "Oh, I never thought about that." "I could sing "Roll Out the Barrel."" "You could, but it's not a gay '90s song." "Oh." "How about "Put On Your Old Gray Barrel"?" ""L'm Only a Bird in a Gilded..."" "No?" "No." "Oh, well, I guess you're right." "This won't work." "Hey, where'd everybody go?" "Don't stand there laughing, get me out me out of this thing." "I can't move." "Okay." "Hello, down there." "Hello." "Move up a little." "Oh, ow, uh." "Guess I'll have to find something else that'll do the trick." "Say!" "How about that horse costume that Ricky's got?" "That's a wonderful idea, you know, we can both..." "Now, wait just a minute, forget I ever said it." "If you dress as half a horse, I know who'll be the other half and no, thanks." "Oh, I know." "I know." "Oh, sure, these ought to do it." "How will I look in these?" "What are you going as, a lamb chop?" "There's an old fashioned hoop skirt that goes with this." "We can work up a cute song and dance number." "I hope you're not thinking of me as part of "we."" "Sure." "We'll be a couple." "A couple of what?" "I'll be the woman and you be the man." "Good-bye, Lucy." "Aw, now, Ethel, are you going to desert me in my hour of need?" "Yes." "Ethel, you who would like to be the godmother of my child." "Oh... but why me?" "Why can't you be the man?" "Well, that should be fairly obvious." "Oh, all right." "But I have a feeling I'd be better off if I'd settled for the back end of that horse." "Pepito, haven't you got your costume on yet?" "Yes, start my music." "Okay, here we go, music." "(band plays)" "Oh, Senor Ricardo." "Hello, Senor." "(speaking Spanish)" "(clucking)" "Muchas gracias, muchas gracias." "(sighing)" "(laughing)" "Oh, no!" "Thank you, Senor Ricardo." "Muy bien, amigo, muy bien." "Oh..." "My impression of a baby crying." "(crying)" "(Crying stops)" "(crying resumes and intensifies)" "(laughing)" "(screaming)" "(gasping sobs)" "Ah." "(Crying stops)" "Muchas gracias." "Bravo, Pepe!" "(laughing)" "Ah, Senor Ricky..." "Mira, mira, mira." "The world's eh-smallest bicycle." "Oh." "(muttering softly)" "Excuse me, make myself comfortable." "Oh-ay." "(trombone playing low note)" "Senor Trombonista." "Oh." "(quick drum rolls)" "Hup, hup." "(band plays fanfare)" "Oh, that's wonderful." "Listen, you know what I'd like you to do?" "Si?" "That imitation of Clyde Beatty, you know, the lion tamer?" "With the, with the lamp chimney?" "Yeah, will you do that?" "Yeah, yeah, sure, sure." "All right." "I'll help you." "Oh, my portable dressing room." "(laughing)" "Oh..." "What a character." "Gracias, gracias." "All right." "(clears throat)" "Open the gate." "(imitates creaking gate)" "(whistles) Hey, hup!" "(calling lion)" "(imitating lion's roar)" "(growling and roaring as he cracks whip)" "Listen, you know, that is so realistic, you know, the way that you do that." "Why don't you get yourself a couple of lions and be a real lion tamer?" "Let's see what else..." "Hey, Ricky." "Yeah?" "There's an act out there waiting for an audition." "What act?" "McGillicuddy and Mertz." "I didn't ask for any Mack or McGillicuddy" "McGillicuddy and Mertz?" "Oh, give them the music, will you?" "I won't miss this for all the money in the world." "This I got to see." "Okay, girls." "(orchestra plays introduction)" "♪ By the light ♪" "♪ Not the dark, but the light ♪" "♪ Of the silvery moon ♪" "♪ Not the sun, but the moon ♪" "♪ I want to spoon ♪" "♪ Hug and kiss, 'neath the moon ♪" "♪ To my honey I'll croon love's tune ♪" "♪ What a tune ♪" "♪ Honeymoon ♪" "♪ Funny, sunny honeymoon ♪" "♪ Keep a-shining in June ♪" "♪ Not July, but in June ♪" "♪ Your silvery beams ♪" "♪ Will bring love's dreams, we'll be cuddling soon ♪" "♪ Smooch, peck, neck, spoon ♪" "♪ By the light of the moon ♪" "(out of tune):" "♪ The silvery moon. ♪" "Dance, Maestro." "(piano introduction)" "I Your silvery beams will bring love's dreams ♪" "♪ We'll be cuddling soon ♪" "♪ 'Neath the silvery moon ♪" "♪ The silvery moon. ♪" "Hi, Lucy." "What do you want?" "Oh, for goodness' sake, you're still mad." "I am not mad!" "Well, then you got a new way of acting happy." "Well, how do you expect me to act" "Well, how do you expect me to act when my own husband won't let me be in his show?" "Oh, now, Lucy, it's his show." "He's got a right to hire whoever he wants." "Yeah, what a flimsy excuse he gave us." "You mean telling us we stank?" "Now, you know he didn't mean that." "He just said it because I'm expecting a baby and he doesn't want me to be in the show." "Makes me so mad." "Well, if it'll make you feel any better, he couldn't find a place for Fred and me either." "Some showman he is." "Hi, Ethel." "Hi." "Hiya, honey." "(hissing)" "Huh?" "(hissing)" "Boo!" "Oh, Lucy, are you still mad at me on account of this afternoon?" "I'm not talking to you." "Well, look, I'm awfully sorry if I could not find a place for you in the show." "But there is no place for a gay '90s striptease." "Very funny." "(mocking laughter)" "Oh, you're a sorehead." "Oh, now, Ricky, it's her condition." "It is not my condition!" "I was a sorehead long before I ever thought about..." "That's not what I meant." "(Ricky laughing)" "Hi, Rick." "Oh, hiya, Fred." "Listen, Fred, uh," "I might find a place for you in the barbershop quartet." "FRED:" "Oh, good." "Nobody sings barbershop any better than I do." "♪ Oh, good night, ladies, good night, ladies ♪" "♪ Good night, ladies ♪" "♪ We're going to leave you now ♪" "♪ Merrily we roll along, roll along, roll along ♪" "♪ Merrily we roll along ♪" "♪ O'er the deep blue sea. ♪" "Hey, that sounds pretty good!" "It's too bad you're not a man, Ethel." "Oh, I can wear a wig and a handlebar mustache." "I dressed up like a man this afternoon." "You just heard her sing that harmony." "Oh, come on, Ricky." "Say yes." "RICKY:" "Well, we might be able to work it out." "What do you think of this idea?" "I thought that the three of us could be barbers and then the fourth guy could be the customer in the chair." "ETHEL:" "Hey, that's cute." "FRED:" "Yeah, that's a great idea." "It'll be the first time I ever heard a Cuban sing barbershop." "Well... yeah." "A Cuban singing barbershop." "That wouldn't sound so right, would it?" "I'll tell you what I'll do" "I'll sing it with an Irish accent." "Oh, this I got to hear." "Now, wait a minute." "I'll practice, you'll be surprised." "That's for sure." "Oh...!" "ETHEL:" "Who's going to play the fourth guy, Ricky?" "♪ Good night, ladies ♪" "♪ Good night, ladies... ♪" "Good night." "Now, Ricky..." "Now, honey, please." "Now, look, it would just be perfect." "I can be the fourth guy in the chair with a sheet over me." "You seem to overlook one little minor detail." "You can't sing." "I sang this afternoon." "Look, honey, we're singing "Sweet Adeline."" "We're singing harmony, everybody sings something different." "Well, then, that's just perfect." "If everybody's singing something different, it won't matter what note I hit." "It doesn't work quite that way." "Besides, I practically offered the job to George Watson." "Oh, George Watson." "You haven't even given me a chance." "Now, Ricky, couldn't Lucy just sing the first part?" "You know, ♪ Sweet Adeline ♪" "And then we could come in on the second part." "Of course." "Just give me a chance." "Yeah." "Give her a chance." "Come on." "Hit the notes for us." "Okay." "(Playing melody)" "That's me." "(singing)" "(sings harmony)" "(sings harmony)" "Lucy?" "(singing loudly off-key)" "(searching for right note)" "(hitting right note)" "(cheering)" " Bravo, bravo!" "She made it!" "All right, all right, you start all by yourself now." "Give her the chord." "(out of tune):" "♪ Sweet Adeline. ♪" "Well, it's a little difficult to start all by yourself just out of nowhere." "All right, we'll try it the other way." "LUCY:" "What other way?" "We'll sing the first phrase and you come in with the repeats." "LUCY:" "Repeats?" "Yeah." "We'll sing, "Sweet Adeline,"" "and you sing, "Sweet Adeline, my Adeline."" ""My Adeline." -"Sweet Adeline, sweet Adeline, my Adeline," okay." "All right." "Now, you better stand away from us so you won't be thrown off by anybody singing harmony in your ear." "All right?" "Go." "All right, go ahead." "Hit it." "(perfect harmony):" "♪ Sweet Adeline ♪" "(tinnily):" "♪ Sweet Adeline ♪" "Well, I guess I'm standing a little close, it threw me off." "Try it again." "♪ My Adeline ♪" "(out of tune):" "♪ My Adeline ♪" "♪ At night, dear heart ♪" "(out of tune):" "♪ At night, dear heart ♪" "♪ For you I pine ♪" "♪ For you I pine ♪" "♪ In all my dreams ♪" "♪ In all my dreams ♪" "♪ In all my dreams ♪" "In all my dreams?" "George Watson, huh?" "And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the finale of our show, something that a gay '90s revue cannot be without:" "A barbershop quartet." "So, here it is, a quartet composed of Mertz," "Mertz," "Watson and Ricardo, with their version of "Sweet Adeline."" "(piano introduction)" "♪ In the evening when I sit alone a-dreaming ♪" "♪ Of days gone by, love ♪" "(clumsy Irish accent) ♪ To me so dear... ♪" "♪ There's a picture that in fancy oft' appearing ♪" "♪ Brings back the time, love ♪" "♪ When you were near... ♪" "♪ It is then I wonder where you are, me darling ♪" "♪ And if your heart to me is still the same I" "♪ For the sighing wind and nightingale a-singing ♪" "♪ Are breathing only ♪" "♪ Your own sweet name ♪" "ETHEL AND FRED:" "♪ Your own sweet name ♪" "ALL:" "♪ Sweet Adeline ♪" "(off-key):" "♪ Sweet Ad-- ♪" "♪ My Adeline ♪" "X My Ad-- ♪" "♪ At night, dear heart ♪" "♪ AK"' ♪" "♪ For you I pine ♪" "♪ Pi-- ♪" "♪ In all my dreams ♪" "♪ In all-- ♪" "♪ Your fair face beams ♪" "♪ You're the flower ♪" "♪ Of my heart... ♪" "♪ Sweet Adeline... ♪" "ALL:" "♪ Sweet Adeline. ♪" "(I Love Lucy theme music plays)" "ANNOUNCER:" "The pan' of the stage manager was played by Jerry Hausner." "The part of the clown was played by Pepito the Clown." "I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production."