"The house..." "Here's the kitchen." "Hey, what are you guys doing?" "Manmeet's girlfriend sent him a video." "She's showing me her life in New York." "This is a picture of me and Dr. Lawson." "What is that thing set into the refrigerator door?" "Oh, it's an icemaker." "She makes her own ice?" "The opulence is almost off-putting." "If you visit me, this is where you'll sleep." "This will be your view." "Why is she undoing her robe?" "I thought we were waiting on the view." " Oh, Ashlynn!" " I got a toy for you." "Guys, show's over." "I think it's just beginning." "Who wants an icemaker if you can hear it all the way in the bedroom?" "Thank you very much, please." "Goodbye." " Todd." " Hmm?" " I need a favor." " What's up?" "I really need to borrow your apartment." "Oh, your brother's back on the lentil diet again?" "No, it's Ashlynn." "She wants me to send her a video of my life." "I..." "I can't compete with her." "You saw her place." "Well, yeah, I saw several of her places." "I saw her upstairs place, her downstairs place, the place where she would land a tiny plane." "Whoa, wait a minute." "You got a gal sending you dirty videos?" "You've been holding out on me?" "It's my girlfriend, Charlie." "I had a girlfriend make a sex tape for me once." "It was weird." "Just her and some guy doing it, and she keeps looking at the camera and telling me it's over." "Like I couldn't figure out when they were done." "Todd, Ashlynn is waiting for a video." "All right, so, you wanna pretend that my apartment is your place." "I have to." "She has a luxury condo." "I share a bedroom with two cousins." "Ashlynn helps transplant hearts, and I sell talking toilet paper." "You guys sell that?" "That's awesome." "What does it say?" ""The job isn't over till the paperwork is done."" " Nice!" " Yeah!" "No, no." "Yeah, but..." "Look, you met on the phone." "She knows what you do." "No, no." "It's... it's one thing to hear about it." "It's another thing to see it." "My life doesn't even compare to hers." "I can help you out." "I'm sort of an amateur director." "I made an instructional video for hunters so they could tell the difference between an animal that's turned on and one that's angry." "So, if you're in the middle of the woods and you hear this sound, what do you do?" "Run?" "If you did, you would miss some of the hottest warthog on warthog action you've ever seen." "Yeah." ""Earing aid."" "Do you wanna see a picture of my wedding dress?" "I decided." "Yeah, I don't..." "It's like, "We get it, Asha." "You're engaged."" "What part of "pass the sugar" was an invitation for her to once again show me pictures of her wedding dress?" "Please listen to me." "I do not care what your father says." "We are not moving into your father's house after we get married." "Hey, Gupta!" "Do you wanna see a picture of my wedding dress?" " Kind of tacky." " Right now?" "I..." "I didn't mean..." "Hello, sir." "It is a pleasure to speak to you." "Where did you hear that?" "I would love to live in your home." "So, Ashlynn..." "This is my office." "Time to make the world a better place." "And this is my boss Todd." "He'd be lost without me." "Uh, hi, Ashlynn." "Um..." " Cut!" " What?" "I didn't believe it." "Didn't... didn't believe what?" "I didn't believe you were Todd just then." "That... uh, Charlie, this..." "Think of a time in your life where you had to be Todd." "Use that." " But I'm..." " Don't tell me!" "Show me." "And..." "Action." "And this is my boss Todd." "He'd be lost without me." "Look, I said you could use your break time to make this video, but this is..." "It... it... it's too much." "It's starting to interfere with your work." "Cut!" "That was great." "Chills." "We got it." "Well, you've seen the office." "Next I'd like to show you..." "Manmeet, we're falling behind on sales." "Help us." "I'm on it, Pinky." "I'll pick this up later, darling." "They need me." "It's... it's not fair that some woman in America has his heart when I silently long for him." "I long for him too." "At night I dream about his nak..." "Manmeet, I'm not saying that." "Look, if you don't want the part..." " Stop!" "You can't do that!" " Come back here!" " No, stay away from me!" " What's going on?" " He just hit me." " Liar!" "I did nothing of the sort." "Whoa, calm down." "What happened?" "I just told you." "He hit me!" " Rajiv, is this true?" " No." "He is lying!" "So, I didn't actually see anything, but both parties are sticking to their stories." "Was there a weapon involved?" "Is anyone hurt?" "No, no." "It's not that bad." "I'm sorry." "I have to be honest." "This is kind of exciting." "I mostly get sexual harassment complaints." "You know, dirty calendars, dirty jokes, dirty text messages." "I could forward some to you, but then I'd have to report me to myself." "Just a little HR humor." "Can I ask you a question?" "I see palm trees." "Did hr move to Florida or something like that?" "I'm in the Philippines." "The HR department has been outsourced here." "Are you with manufacturing in China?" "No, I'm with sales in India." "Is there any part of Mid America Novelties that's still in Mid America?" "I think management is still there, but legal in Vietnam won't let me discuss it." "So, workplace violence, we have a zero tolerance policy on that." "Just let me know who you're going to fire." "Fire?" " What are you doing?" " I have a concussion." "I have vision problems." "I have short-term memory loss!" "Really?" "You have short-term memory loss?" "I do?" "I don't remember saying that." "Oh, my!" "I have short-term memory loss." "Wait, what did I just say?" "Just sit down so we can start this hearing." "He's clearly faking this." "No." "No, I'm not." "My symptoms are very real." "I have trouble concentrating." "My balance is shaky." "I can't remember simple things." "You had all those problems before." "Before what, Rajiv?" "Before what?" "What?" "Guys, guys." "I'm recording this testimony because this might determine whether one of you still has a job here." "Okay, this is a very serious matter." "I want the truth." "So, speak honestly, clearly, and directly into his bellybutton." "Gupta, tell the nanny-cam what happened." "It was an ordinary day in the office." "I was having my fourth cookie." "Rajiv enters." "Back to work!" "Now clean up your own blood." "Gupta, for the last time, the truth." "All right." "This is what actually happened." "I'm Rajiv." "You must die!" "Well, that is what it felt like emotionally." "Just the facts." "I was making tea," "Rajiv came in and told me to go back to work, and then he slapped me across the face." "He's lying." "That's not what happened." "In the face, Todd." "You can't do that to people." "Looks like our court reporter is out of batteries." "I'll be right back." "Oh, Todd!" "Check it out." "We've got part of the video done." "I'm kind of in the middle of something." "Oh, no, no." "But I..." "I want your opinion." "Please?" "Come on." "All right, man." "So, Ashlynn, hi." "Now you know more about me and my life." "I hope someday you'll visit me, and then you'll be the one I'm holding." " Ah, yes!" " Mm." "So?" "You were naked with a dog in my bed." "It was a closed set, and everyone's boundaries were respected." "Yes." "What... what do you think Ashlynn will think?" "You're coming across totally shallow and superficial." "That is not you on that video, man." "But if Ashlynn sees how I really live, she'll never want to talk to me again." "Maybe she'll see the real you, and she'll love you even more, man." "He's right." "Ashlynn should see the real you." "We need to go full frontal." "All right." "Rajiv, let's hear your side." "I was simply doing my job." "Gupta, if you don't mind," "I do believe your break is over." "So?" "Please go back to work." "It's not fair to the others." "You may think you're the boss, Rajiv, but you answer to Todd, and I have him wrapped around my little finger." "No, Todd is wise, and someday he'll see you for what you truly are." "Who's going to tell him?" "You?" "You don't work here anymore." " What?" " Didn't you hear?" "You were dismissed because you struck me when no one else was looking." "I would never raise my hand." "Rajiv, no!" "Not in the face." "So, that's what you're going with?" "Gupta slapped himself?" "Well, I don't know what to say." "I admit I am not perfect." "Can I be overbearing in my zeal for productivity?" "Guilty." "Did I make an employee or two cry?" "Guilty." "Did I spread a rumor your first week here that you thought Gandhi was, quote," ""A poor man's Martin Luther King"?" ""Guil" to the "ty."" "But I'm not on trial for these things." "I am accused of striking an employee, and of that, I am completely innocent." "Case dismissed." " Can't do that." " I said case dismissed!" "Saying it louder doesn't do anything." "Careful, Todd." "He might hit you." " I did not hit anyone." " Oh, I'm having a flashback." "This is post-dramatic stress!" " It's traumatic." " I know!" "Oh, God." " So none of your employees saw anything?" " No." "Maybe you should ask your office gossip what happened." "Hey, Madhuri, can I speak to you for a second?" "Look, I know you're the office gossip." "Who said that?" "Was it Lata?" "Because that girl has no right to talk the way she runs around." "Do you know she's five days late?" "Yeah, we got the right person." "Have you heard anything about Rajiv slapping Gupta?" "Todd." "You've got to see this." "Oh, no, Manmeet, I don't wanna see more video of you naked in my bedroom." "Uh, it's... it's not what you think." "No, he was in... in my bed with a puppy." "No, when we were going over the footage we shot in the office, we found something we didn't see before." "We filmed it by accident." "Now, look closely right here." "Well, there's your answer." "So, um, you know I'm turning in my report tomorrow." "If there's anything else you wanna say, now's the time." "When I was seven, I went to the circus." "There was a sideshow tent that claimed to have the dumbest person in the world." "I paid five rupees, and I went in." "All I saw was myself in the mirror." "I spent ten minutes demanding that dumb person show himself." "Then I figured it out..." "He was merely on a lunch break." "Rajiv, you were the dumb person." "I know that now." "My point is, you don't always realize when you're doing something stupid, like hitting Gupta." "Well, sooner or later, everybody wants to hit Gupta, but you can't actually do it." "I am under a lot of pressure, and I snapped." "It won't happen again." "That's not good enough, Rajiv." "It's my future father-in-law." "He has pushed me to my point of breaking." "He still doesn't think that I'm good enough for his daughter." "Every day he finds some way to belittle me in front of her." "He makes me feel like less of a man." "Thank you." "Gupta was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." "I accept whatever punishment you see fit." "Todd?" "Todd!" "Todd!" "Todd!" " Up there." " Up here." "Ugh, Gupta!" "I can't sleep." "I was thinking..." "Yeah, I've been thinking too." "Weren't they supposed to fix that hole last week?" "It's about Rajiv." "I have to get this off of my chest." "No, I already know." "He told me what happened." "You don't know everything, though." "I might have accidentally eavesdropped on Rajiv talking to his father-in-law." "Vimi, please listen to me." "I do not care what your father says." "We are not moving in with your parents after we are married." "Yes, I'll say that to his face." "What?" "Right now?" "I..." "I didn't mean..." "Hello, sir." "It is a pleasure to speak to you." "Where did you hear that?" "I would love to live in your home." "I was just thinking, perhaps with your permission," "Vimi and I could..." "Well... well, I guess it is settled then." "Yes, sir." "As you wish, sir." "So, then I was in the break room..." "Wait, wait, wait." "So, so, he hit you because you listened in on his phone call?" "Todd, it's a talk hole, not an interrupt hole." "As I was saying," "I was in the break room, and I just couldn't control myself." "Your tea break's over." "Get back to work." "Mm, in a minute." "I'm almost done." "Right now, you cookie-gobbling swine." "Yes, sir." "As you wish, sir." "What did you say?" "Nothing, sir." "I am going, sir." "As you wish, sir." "Say that again, and I will slap you." "Don't you need your father-in-law's permission for that?" "You slapped me?" "You can't do that!" "And, so, I feel like I am partly to blame." "Wait, don't react until I switch to my eye." "Gupta, no matter what you said," "Rajiv shouldn't have hit you." "You can't fire him!" "His father-in-law will call off his marriage, and it'll be all my fault." "Let me figure this out, okay?" "So, just go back to bed, and close your talk hole." "Okay." "You're not mad at me, are you?" "Ugh, God, if you don't mind," "I have to work tomorrow." "Sorry." "Is Tonya mad at me?" "Tonya." "And my conclusion is that the incident was a complete misunderstanding." "Nothing happened?" "No one was to blame?" "You realize if you're covering for an employee, you're the one that's gonna be in trouble." "I understand that, but I'm sticking by what I say." "You're really taking quite a stand." "I've never seen this side of you before." "We've only talked once." "But here we are talking again." "Are you, uh..." "I hope I'm not reading into this, but are you hitting on me?" "No, that would be inappropriate." "In doing this job, I have learned about all kinds of inappropriate things." "Um, I think you're doing it again." "No, I'm sure if you read the transcripts of this conversation, everything would be completely appropriate." "I know what I'm doing, Todd." "I'm very, very experienced." "Okay." "Well, I'll call you back if I have any other hr issues." "Well, hell, call me if you wanna flirt." "I'm the one in charge of the tapes." "In fact, I'm going to erase these tonight." "Ass, ass, ass." "Ass." "Ass." "Thank you, sir." "Well, Rajiv, I may have saved your job, but you slapped someone in the office." "I have to punish you." "Of course, sir." "You can dock my pay, make me stay late." "I'm sure whatever you decide will be fair." "Well, I'm glad you feel that way, because I decided to let Gupta pick your punishment." "What?" "But he's an idiot, a halfwit, a moron..." "Hey!" "I'm right here!" "This guy is my cousin Manish." "Hey, show her your break dancing trophy." " Oh, no." " Come on, dance!" "Hit it!" "Okay, uh, so, you know where I work." "Now you've met my family." "I, um, I don't own a car or have an apartment like you." "This is my life." "I'm sorry." "Manmeet, you have nothing to apologize for." "I know." "Ashlynn watched the video today." "She wants to come to India to see me, man!" "That's great!" "I can't believe I finally get to meet her in person." "Charlie said I should manscape." "What's that?" "Uh, just Google it, but don't start with an image search." "I'm sorry, but are you guys just gonna talk through the credits?" "It's rude." "A lot of people worked very hard on this project." "Directed by Charlie Davies." "Written by Charlie Davies." "Based on a concept by Charlie Davies." "Director of photography..." "Charlie Davies." "Gaffer..." "Charlie Davies." "Best boy..." "Charlie Davies." "Accommodations were provided by Charlie Davies." "Several animals were harmed during the making of this production." "Here's one now." "Some good stuff." "Now I gotta get someone to mount me." "Alright." "Check you later." "Gupta, this is way out of line, man." "Actually, it's Rajiv." "Notice the moustache?" "This punishment is torture." "What is he doing?" "Is he making you clean his apartment?" "Worse." "I have been playing board games for five hours." "Rajiv, I just landed on park place!" "I told you you should've bought a hotel!" "Help me!" "Candy land!" "Candy land?" "Aren't you guys a little old for that?" "No, it's not the game." "That's what he says every time he opens his cupboard." "It's your turn!" "Help me!"