"Okay." "Is Gary's mystery date going to be a dream or a dud?" "Oh, wow." "A dork with a bow tie." "A dud!" "You know, it feels like I'm the only one trying here." "That's because guys don't do slumber parties." " Let's do something else." " We could talk about guys' butts." "Next." "We could watch Little Women." " Rumble in the Bronx." " Boys on the Side." "Delta Force Four." "Where he cuts the guy's head off?" " That's the best part!" " No." "Tonight we do what I want to do." "I want to watch a movie that makes me cry." "You didn't cry when he ate that grenade to save his buddies?" "No blood." "I want to see a chick flick." "Chick flick, slumber parties, mystery date." "Are you going girlie on us, Lis?" " I am a girl." " Maybe you should find some girlfriends." "But I don't have any friends except you guys." "Oh!" "Lisa, you wound me." "I thought I was your friend." "Your belle." "Your bosom buddy." "Yeah, right." "I can't be in the same room with you without going for my pepper spray." "What?" "!" "I can't control my sex drive?" "Don't flatter yourself." "My libido doesn't jump until I say "frog."" "Let's test that, shall we?" "Hey..." " what the hell is this?" " A friendship reinforcement unit." "Anytime Chett gets an impure thought about me he gets a friendly electrical reminder." "Mm..." "I..." "I'm a little confused here." "Y..." "You mean, if Chett were to think of you in, say, a... thong bikini... with sweat..." "Glistening off your perfect skin..." " [ electrical buzzing ] - [ screaming ]" "He'd get shocked?" "Gosh, that is mean." "Oh, uh, Lis?" "I can almost see your bra strap." " [ screaming ] - [ electrical buzzing ]" "You think you're pretty smart, huh?" "[ screaming ]" "She might make a good girlfriend." "Mm... nah." "She doesn't look like she'd be any fun at a sleepover." "Whoo!" "She does." "Thanks for your help, Sir Lecherlot." "Here we go." "The usual." "Thanks, Tisch." "You're the best." "Thanks for the ego feed." "I just wish you guys would go for the gusto and order something different." "For once." "LISA:" "Who am I kidding?" "I'll never find a girlfriend." "Don't worry, Lis." "I just thought of a place where there are lots of women." "WOMEN:" "Don't ride too high." "Gary, what were you thinking?" "Lisa won't fit in with them." " Why not?" " They all have babies." "When in Rome..." "Hey, there, little rubber head." "Coodgy-woodgy-woo." "Oh, so cute." "And on Tuesdays we have Mommy and me lunch at Fuddruckers." "And on Fridays we all have swim time at my house." "Sounds like fun." "[ dog snarling ]" "The dingo ate your baby!" "It's okay." "I can always make more." " Ugh!" " Ugh!" "What?" "Here we go!" "Ice cream." " I didn't order this." " I ordered it." "You looked depressed and ice cream cheers me up." "Ooh." "Chunky Monkey." "How did you know this was my favorite?" "I'm a good guesser." "I'm kind of psychic that way." "Me too." "Kind of." "Oh, yeah?" "What's my favorite tree?" "The Lodgepole Pine." "Ooh... you're good!" "May I join you?" "I knew you were going to say that." "So, that accounts for my interest in stars." "I can't believe your dad was an astronaut." " That's pretty cool." " What about your dad?" "My dad?" "Well... he was never really around." "Oh..." "I'm sorry." "Oh, it's okay." "My mother took care of us." "We had this rock band." "We toured around on this multi-colored bus and had lots of adventures." "We had to watch out for my brother, Danny." " What a schemer." " So, when did you settle in California?" "We, uh, moved here to be with my Uncle Steve after the accident." " The accident." " He was a test pilot." "It turned out okay." "They made him better, stronger..." " Faster?" "!" " They had the technology." "I've been lying my butt off." "Every time I open my mouth, I dig myself in deeper." " I've got to start telling the truth." " The truth." "You know..." "[ whispering ]:" "That I'm a magic genie." "No, no." "Bad idea." "Lies-- go with the lies." "I'm tired of a friendship based on deceit." "Tisch doesn't like me." "She likes the Thursday Nick at Night Lineup." "Hello, ladies." "Say, Lisa, how about dinner?" "You and me." "I'll get sitter for the kids." "Oh, really?" "You won't mind if I wear my backless, versace mini?" "[ snickering ]" "As a matter of fact, I insist." "And you won't mind at all if I order lobster and suck the butter off my fingers one at a time..." " real slow?" " [ snickering ]" "Better wear a bib." "Chett... what's in your pants?" "Ice." "Four bags." "I'm in such excruciating agony right now that I couldn't think a sexy thought if you stripped naked and made me lick baby oil from your novel." "Uh-oh." "[ screams ]" "[ door creaking ] [ crashing ]" "Ow... ow." "[ phone ringing ]" "[ Chett groans ]" "Oh, that's bad." "[ phone ringing ]" "[ chuckling ]" "[ Chett yelling ]" "How you doing, Mr. Pattison?" "So, you and the other angels never actually saw Charlie?" "You just sort of heard him over the speaker phone?" "Uh, let's not talk about me." "Tell me more about your life." "You already know all about my life." "Come on, there must be something you haven't told me." "You haven't told me." "You know, don't you?" "See, that's what I get for lying." "You see right through me." " Huh?" " I have a confession to make." "My father isn't actually an astronaut." "His job is to test the suits for leaks." " You mad?" " Of course not." "Ooh, what a relief!" "You don't know what it's like to carry around a secret that big." "I mean, the guilt is unbearable." "I know exactly what you mean." "Lies... it's all lies!" "I'm nothing but a big, fat fibber." "I made it all up to avoid telling the truth about myself but no more." "Tisch..." "I'm really a magic genie." "There, I said it." "You mean like in that old show with Barbara Eden?" "Yes." " What?" " I can't believe it." "We spend three years keeping you under wraps and now you go around blabbing about yourself?" "Will you calm down?" "We told Chett, and nothing bad happened." "That's because he wants to have sex with you." "That's what kept my mouth shut at first." "I was tired of lying to my friend." "Okay." "Okay, damage control." "What exactly did Tisch say when you told her?" "She was really cool about it." "She just kinf of nodded her head over and over and said, "That's nice."" " And then she went to feed the ducks." " Whew." "Man , oh, man, that was a close one." " What?" " Lis, she was patronizing you." "Like, when I ask a girl out the polite ones always nod their heads and say, "That's nice" and then make a quick escape." "The ducks were a nice touch, actually." "[ gate opening ]" "Uh-oh." "Trouble." "You guys just can't handle the fact that I have a girlfriend." "[ sizzling and gasping ]" "Brain... burning... up!" "[ grunts ]" "I don't want to seem selfish but I'm glad she didn't believe you." "Yeah." "Because if she did it wouldn't be just" " the three of us anymore." " You guys are right." "So, I'm just going to have to go prove I'm a genie." "[ groaning ]" "And then maybe Tisch and I will take a bubble bath together." "[ spasmodic gasping ]" "Man, I got to get rid of these things before they kill me." "[ sighs ]" "Hey, Tisch." " Oh, I'm sorry." " How'd you do that?" " I told you" " I'm a genie." " Right." "Genie." "Tisch, what's wrong?" "I told you about my aura paintings and my astro-colonics and the time I was almost abducted by aliens because it was important to me and then you go and make fun of my beliefs by saying that you're genie." "I thought we were friends." "You thought I was making fun of you?" "Well, weren't you?" "You be the judge." "Go ahead, make a wish." " Lisa, this is crazy." " Anything you want." " Name it." " Okay, I wish..." "I wish it was raining men." "Now there's one I can get into." "[ thunder booms ] [ men yelling ]" "I don't even want to know." "I can't feel my legs." "Now do you believe me?" "Oh, my gosh!" "You really are a genie." "Do you have green blood?" "Do you have any blood?" " Where are you from?" " Tisch, chill." "We're still the same friends we were only now I can be honest with you." "This is so freaky!" "You and, and..." "You have metal skin or anything?" "No tickling." " Oh, when people find out about you..." " Uh-uh-uh." "You can't tell anybody." "Oh... right." "Not a word." "Except, can I tell my sister?" "She just loves this kind of thing." " It's really important." " Okay." "Okay." "I won't tell her." "Although, she would be surprised but, no." "No, I won't say anything to anyone." "You can't tell anyone." " Got it?" " This is so wild." " [ electrical zap ] - [ gasps ]" "That's her." "Stay frosty." "All right?" " Hey, Lis!" " Ready to go antiquing?" "There's some great stuff in 18th century England I've got my eye on." "And there's also this little store downtown that's got some..." "Lisa, this is my sister, Carmen." "Nice to meet you, Carmen." "So, you live around here?" "You told her!" " Do you have green blood?" " Don't be stupid." " How could you do this?" "!" " I'm sorry." "I'm just really bad at secrets." "But this could be a good thing." "See, now you have two friends that you can share with." " And I won't tell a soul." " Well, I suppose maybe it's okay as long as it stays amongst the three of us." "As long as it stays amongst the five of us." "As long as it stays amongst the 11 of us." "As long as it stays amongst the 30 of us." " 31!" " Sorry, Scooter." " Missed you back there." " Do another trick, Lisa." " [ clamoring ]" " All right." "All right." " What do you want to see?" " Show us a real alien." "ALL:" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "[ all gasping ] [ speak native tongue ]" "MAN:" "Wow!" "He was so cute." "What did he say?" "Howdy." " Bring Elvis back to life." " Dud, he isn't dead." "CROWD:" "Ooh!" "Lisa." "If my taxable income is up five percent should I... schedule "C" for non-taxable deductions or just call it a business loss?" "[ crowd grumbles ]" "Oh." "Sorry." " Change me into an otter." " [ crowd cheering ]" " No." "No more otters." " [ crowd chattering ]:" "Otter!" "Otter!" " WOMAN:" "Is Nicorette good for you?" " CROWD:" "Otter!" "Otter!" "Give me godlike powers over life and death." "Hey, you guys..." "you guysare upsetting Lisa." "Leave her alone!" "What's come over you guys?" " Hey!" " Give me lots of money!" "Stop!" "Leave her alone." " Ow!" " MAN:" "Hey, I got her magic hair!" " Otter!" "Otter!" "Otter!" " That's it!" " Enough!" " [ thunder crashing ] [ screaming ]" "[ crowd whimpers ]" "Lisa...?" "You mad?" "[ altered voice ]:" "You have triled with powers beyond your puny comprehension." " You have angered the genie!" " Hear that?" "You have angered the genie." " I just asked her to do another trick." " He pulled her hair!" " I did not." " Shut up!" "[ screaming ] [ altered voice ]:" "Never again will you so rudely inconvenience the magic genie." "Prepare to suffer the consequences." "Oh, Lord, we're going to die." " Whew!" " Whew!" "Glad we took care of that." "You want some help cleaning up?" "You killed them." "Don't be a goose." "I sent them home." " They were bugging me." " Oh!" "Oh, I'm sorry, Lisa." "Oh, this whole thing got weird." "I mean, I thought those guys could handle it." "Now you know why I don't tell anybody." "Oh, no." "I just realized." "By tomorrow the whole world will know about you." "You won't get a moment's peace, and it's all my fault." "Don't worry, I wiped their memories when I sent them away." "They won't remember a thing about me." " You can do that?" " It's how I've kept my secret for so long." "Oh." "Well, that takes care of them." " What about me?" " What do you mean?" "Well, they never would have found out if I hadn't opened my big mouth." "I mean, I can't keep a secret." "Watch." "My best friend's a genie." "See?" " Did you say "best friend"?" " Yeah." "You want to know something?" "You're my best friend too." " You're going to make cry." " I'm sorry." " I didn't mean to make you cry." " Oh, no." " I love crying." " Me too." "You're going to have to wipe my memory too, you know?" " I'll never forget you." " I'll never forget you." "Oh, wait." "Thanks for everything, Tisch." "Good-bye, Lisa." "Uh, "say, Lis, I hear there's a big sale at bloomies." " Let us shop until we drop." - "Great idea, Gary." ""I sure could use some..." "moisturizer and we could split a salad at the food court."" "Uh, "Just keep me away from those shoe stores." "I go pump crazy."" "Look, guys, I appreciate your effort but it's just not the same as having a real girlfriend." "So, if you don't mind I'd just like to spend some time by myself." ""We're staying." "This is when you need your sisters the most."" " I didn't order this." " I ordered it." "You look kind of depressed sitting here, and ice cream always cheers me up." "My name's Tisch." "Lisa." "Nice to meet you." " Is this Chunky Monkey?" " Mm-hmm." "How did you know this was my favorite?" "Oh, I'm a good guesser." "I'm kind of psychic that way." "Me too." "Kind of." "All right, what's my favorite tree?" " The Lodgepole Pine." " Ooh, you're good." "[ Chett moaning ]" "Wakey time, Chett." "You want to watch us do our aerobics?" "[ screaming ]" "Captioned by Grant Brown"