"Wherever good is threatened, heroes rise to the challenge and always save the day." "Except when they don't." "And that's when I go to work." "I zap into dimensions every day." "It's my job to be a hero, save the world, and make things right." "Kung Fu moles, rescue trolls, punch a zombie, score a goal!" "I'm a robot, I'm a rabbit, I'm a knight!" "♪ Stretching, swinging, spying ♪" "♪ Flying, flipping, monster-kicking ♪" "Boone and Sashi always sticking by my side!" "No villain's gonna stop..." "Penn Zero:" "Part-Time Hero!" "Penn Zero:" "Part-Time Hero!" "Penn Zero:" "Part-Time Hero!" "Penn Zer... aaugh!" " Is that a new tie?" " No." " A new shirt?" " No." " New shoes." " Phil." "LARRY:" "Ah!" "A mountain resort." " Let's go tobogganing." " No." " Have you ever been tobogganing?" " No." "You haven't lived until you've tobogganed." "I think." "Can you believe I've never been tobogganing?" "Enough about tobogganing." "Just get to the mission." "All right." "We are ghost exterminators, hired by the new owners of this rundown, spooky ski resort." "We're supposed to catch a troublesome ghost, and send it to limbo before they reopen." "Whoo!" "Toboggan alert." "We're the new owners." "I'm Ashton, and this is Genghis." "T-t-t-oboggan?" "A reviewer from Hotel Shmotel magazine is coming today." "If she gives us a bad rating, we're through, man." "Yeah, we'd have to go back to selling quilts made out of recycled yoga pads." "We need you to destroy it." "It's more horrible and relentless than you could possibly imagine." "( Shrieks )" "Boone, it's me." "Sorry." "I thought I saw a ghost." "You did." "I'm a ghost." "( Shrieks )" " So am I. - ( shrieks )" " So are you." " ( shrieks )" "Okay, I think I'm used to it now." " All right..." " ( shrieks )" "Sorry." "Thought it was a ghost." "All right, we are social workers who are on our way to a social workers' convention in 1973, riding in a bus on an icy mountain road, when we're suddenly hit by a meteor and became ghosts." "Anyway, we've been sent here to save Sonny, the ghost of a 1940's comedian, from extermination." "( Giggling )" "Ghosts afraid of ghosts." "Nice!" "And you must be Sonny." "And you must not have access to a mirror." "Nice hair helmet." "Is that to protect you from combs?" " ( Forced chuckle )" " What did you do, tell your barber, "Make my head look like a giant pimple, please"?" "Hey, Penn makes it work." "Wow." "That is a big nose." "That's like booger heaven right there." "You could blow your nose and kill us all... if we weren't already dead." "Hey, nobody insults Boone, except me." "I'm sorry, Tiny, what did you say?" "I don't speak Chihuahua." "( barks )" "I'm gonna enjoy this." "Oh, I made the Chihuahua angry." "We can't fly through glass?" "Someone get this genius a helmet." "Hey, you, lend her your hair." "It says on our work order that our ghost is named Sonny." "Careful, Larry." "He's nearby." "Huh. "Careful" is my middle name." "Look, an old, rickety elevator." "Ha!" "Whee!" "Larry, are you hurt?" "Don't worry." ""Miraculously unharmed" is my mother's middle name." "Oh, I'll go find some rope." "Is this thing on?" "Am I still dead?" "Welcome to the basement where we store rats, dust, and morons who fall down elevator shafts." "That's me." "I just fell down the elevator shaft." "I'm the moron." "Why do I get the feeling that "I'm the moron"" "is the smartest thing you've ever said in your entire life, you moron?" "( laughs )" "You're right." "It is." "Oh, finally, someone who can laugh at themselves." "Hey, would you like to see my old act?" "I would love it." "Great." "Right this way." "Come on, grab a seat." "And the doctor said, "Your heart's fine." "It's your face I'm worried about."" "Hey, he's so ugly, when his mom dropped him off at school, she got fined for littering." "( Raucous laughter )" "My wife used to say I had the perfect face... for the radio." "Anyone ever tell you that you look like a before picture?" "Your grandma is so old, when she was little, rainbows were black and white." "Her blood type is "Oh no."" "Hey, Larry, you having a good time?" "Tell your friends." "I've seen younger faces on cash." "All right, folks, you've been a terrific audience." "My name's Sonny." "Enjoy the brisket," " take care of the waitresses." " Sonny?" "Good night, everybody." "I'll be here all eternity." "( Weapon charging )" "What the heck is that thing?" "It's, uh... a funny detector." "And it just found the funniest ghost in the world." "Ah, where have you been all my death, you little round man?" "You look like a basketball that learned how to wear clothes, only not as smart." "Hey, are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?" "That Ferris wheels are a rip-off, because when you get off, you're right back where you started?" "Not even close." "I was thinking we should terrify Rippen." "I mean, how often are we ghosts?" "This rope will do." "Boo!" "Here's Penny!" "( Shrieking )" "Why are you hitting yourself?" "Why are you hitting yourself?" "Stop it." "Why would you ever hit yourself?" "LARRY:" "Come on, Sonny, zing me again." "He found the ghost." "Way to go, Larry." "Fun's over, guys." "It's time to go to work." "I'm probably crazy to stay in this old dump, but I just can't leave without it." "My rubber-chicken routine is what gave me my start in this business." "Before they closed this hotel, the old owners put the rubber chicken up in this display, and since ghosts can't pass through glass," "I can't get to it." "Well, shoot, Sonny." "I can open it." "( Squeaks )" "Thank you." "No one has ever done anything this nice for me." "You are the nicest dummy I've ever met." "Great!" "Now that you have your stupid rubber chicken, leave, move it, get outta here before it's too late." "Speaking of too late," "I can't un-see this guy's schnoz." "It's the Mount Everest of noses." "Can we get a tissue up to base camp?" "Don't worry, Boone." "He may have hurt your feelings, but he's about to feel some hurtings." "Oh, a comedian, huh?" "That was so funny, I forgot to laugh." "Luckily, I remembered that you're ugly." "What's with the thick neck?" "What, are you swallowing a buffalo?" "Sir, I'll have you know, you're speaking to a great villain." "And I'll have you know that the only thing you're great at is wearing sunglasses indoors." "We'll see who's laughing when I blast you into limbo." "You said that was a funny detector." "I really don't wanna say this, but you'll have to go through us to get to him." "No, I won't." "My glass case is half full... of ghosts." "This is a two-man job, Larry." "Open the gate to limbo, and I'll throw him through it." "Don't do it." "Limbo's a horrible, empty place where nothing ever happens..." "like New Jersey." "Can't we just let him go?" "You'll leave now that you have your rubber chicken, won't you, Sonny?" "Yeah." "Larry, we don't win unless we send Sonny to limbo." "That's our mission." "Please." "You're my only friend." "You're a villain, Larry." "This is our chance to finally win." "( Whimpers )" "( sighs )" "( Rippen laughing )" "( crying )" "( crying continues )" "( crying continues )" "Oh!" "Oh, no." "Penn Zero, you've outsmarted me once again." "Help!" "Help!" "Sonny!" "You're still here!" "And you're still an infant with a goatee." "( laughing )" "Is that the ghost of Sonny, the rubber chicken insult comic?" "Your jaw-dropping put-downs of your rubber chicken and audience inspired a generation of insult comics." "If he's performing here, I'm giving your hotel the coveted eight-and-a-half star Hotel Shmotel rating." "Wha..." "What do you say, Sonny?" "Would you stay and do your old act?" "We'll fix up your old dressing room, and, like, feed you the organic, locally grown version of whatever ghosts eat." "You two morons have a deal." "Whoo!" "Toboggan alert!" "( All cheering )" "Ashton and Genghis, you guys are great." "I mean, if there's anything that looks good on a man, it's a plunging V-neck." "You know what's a real treat?" "Breath that smells like coffee and rotting kale." "You guys go together like peanut butter and mayonnaise." "You guys have your own little club, huh?" "I love it... no winners allowed." "I get it." "Your mamas are so disappointed in you, they wrote this whole joke for me." "Sonny, you're still here!" "And you're still an infant with a goatee." "And you're still covered in sweat." "And you still need to stay away from the buffet." "And you're still a giant chipmunk." "And you're still less manly than a cherub." "And you're still the ugliest person I've ever seen, and I've been looking at Sir Buffalo Neck for 20 minutes."