"Well, before telling the story of that Christmas," "I wanted to introduce you to the prettiest town in the world, my grandparents' town, where my parents were born, and where each year we came to spend the Christmas holidays." "This is Garibaldi street, with Naples Gate, so named because, they told me, going always straight you get to Naples." "And the street, instead, is so named since Garibaldi crossed it to go to Caprera." "Dearest Relatives, Poisonous Relations" "In this building mum went to school, but now there is the City Hall." "This is the church of the Pilgrim Mother, and the Madonna herself had it built, once she had descended into town and said:" ""Here I've descended, and here I want that you build my church."" "The gentleman who's buying a newspaper is lawyer Colacioppo." "Dad says he's famous because he treats lawsuits also in the cities of the North." "Is it right that we poor workers must work even on Christmas eve?" "Eh, it's gotta end!" "It's gotta end?" "Christmas, Easter, you gotta work, proletarians!" "The Wall came down!" "Who'll defend you now?" "Let's not talk about it." "That lady, everyone knows her in town." "Her name is Assunta." "What're you doing tonight?" "You can't leave us alone on Christmas Eve!" "What's your name, Miss?" "Just call me Suzy, boys." "Dad says that she's important because she helps make the lives of the soldiers less harsh." "The owner of that boutique is named Osvaldo." "Then we'll meet tonight, at the "Sixth Sense"." "But I don't know why, everyone calls him "The saleslady"." "The Casta Diva walked by!" "She's depriving us of the flower of youth!" "This lady is one of Mum's schoolmates." "Having a defect of sight, since childhood she wanted to sell eyeglasses." "Here, try these eyeglasses." "How chic!" "As if Christian made them just for you." "Look in the mirror." "Wondrous!" "And this is the monument to the most famous character:" "Ovidius Naso." "Behind him, there's the nicest bar:" "the "Grand Cafè"." "Anto'!" "Always lively like a cricket, eh?" " Again!" "Cumpa', he still scores, sometimes!" " You fresh head!" "Those with the skirt make my blood boil!" "Shall we take a nougat?" " And that basket." "Man is like the egg: the more it boils, the harder it gets." " Idiots!" "Here was born my mother, and here still live my grandparents." "The one looking out, is precisely Grandma Trieste." "But maybe it's best to know me and my family first." "This one is me." "He is my father." "He's a surveyor at the technical office of our town, Teramo." "He's a fan of Pescara team, and belongs to the Christian Democrats." "But he always says that he never voted for them." "My mum, instead, is a teacher, and works in the town library." "She suffers from colitis with a nervous diarrhea, thanks to, says she:" "the library manager, my father, and me too." "This one decided that what I cook isn't good for him." "He prefers to fall sick and make me die from fright." "I'll say!" "What did he do now?" "I don't want to upset you on Christmas Eve." "Let bygones be bygones." "This one eats fried chips!" "I found out that, after school, he goes with Nicolino to gobble fried chips at Patburger!" "Michele, tell him that he's ruining his stomach." "His liver!" "Tell him how he'll end up!" "You know how it ends?" "You'll carry for all your life a plastic bag attached for your physical needs!" "That's how!" "Did you hear your mother, that you must no longer eat fries?" " Never!" "Never ever!" "Never!" " And hamburgers too!" "They can put inside whatever they want, don't you get it?" "There's ice, go slowly." "Jesus, how much snow!" "Just now that they're coming!" "Savé?" "Have you pulled the chain?" " Pull what?" "I didn't do anything!" "Check better!" "You know they're picky to find everything clean." "As if we're receiving the Princes of Torlonia!" "When Trieste tells you something, you gotta do it, and shut up." "Do as I said." "Meanwhile, bring the TV in the other room." "Be calm." "Grandpa is from Cisterna, and was a corporal of the Carabinieri, first at Lanciano and then at Chieti Scalo, where he was a sergeant." "Since a couple of years, he's begun to suffer a bit from memory, maybe because, throughout the day, he does nothing but wander around the house and watch television." "It's cold!" "Come on, come on!" " Mauro, open the trunk." " Help me, it's freezing out here!" "Come on, Mauro, come on!" "Ooh, here we are!" "Grandpa!" "Always on the ball, huh?" "I haven't voided my bowels for four days!" "How are you, ma?" " Thank God, between straight and crooked!" "Grandma!" " I haven't voided since four days." "Lucky you!" "Me, two or three times a day." "Still for that damn colitis?" " Mum, believe me, I no longer know what to eat!" "Pasta hurts me, meat hurts me, fish hurts me, vegetables, not even the smell!" "Can I go on like this?" "Damned belly!" "I was worried." "With this snow, the cars slip..." "Luckily it just started to fall." "After the town of Popoli" "This is my grandparents' bedroom, where I've always slept since a child." "At first in the large bed, and now in the folding bed." "This was the room of uncle Alfredo and uncle Alessandro." "And here instead were sleeping mum when young, and her sister, which would be my aunt Milena." "This is the dining room." "The paintings are part of grandpa's private collection." "They were all painted by his Carabinieri mates." "The one I like the most is this, where they're having luncheon on the grass." "I see that you have much good taste!" "This one is a true masterpiece!" "It was painted by first marshal Giuseppe Miscia." "It's also written." "Think that, all those in possession of his paintings, are just waiting for his death." "Why?" "I don't know that myself." "Mauro!" "It's no use putting your stuff there." "We talked about it." "Stop sleeping with your grandparents, you're big." "Go!" "And that's the coldest room!" "You'll get sick for sure!" "Grandpa, may I sleep with you?" " You've always done it!" "How, cold?" "It's that you're used to sleeping at a high temperature!" "So he falls ill!" "And then, my little grandson must sleep with us, that's it!" " He's grown!" "What grown?" "Look at him, a tiny little creature!" "That's Alessandro." " Usually, soon after us, came from Modena uncle Alessandro, mum's brother, with aunt Gina and my cousin Monica." "You're fine?" "I'm glad." "You're fine?" "I'm glad." "Uncle Alessandro loves nature, and is part of a group called "Friends of the Earth"." "Hi, you're fine?" "I'm glad." "But dad always says that he should thank him and the Christian Democrats, if he's now a postal clerk." "Mum, however, says that my uncle has a simple soul." "And that's why he married aunt Gina, who was, and still is, up to all sort of troubles." "Monica seems always bigger." "She entered a contest for teenagers, and I think this went to her head, because she says she wants to be a dancer in TV shows." "Do we go up the attic to get the Christmas baubles?" "Ugh!" "You still care about such things?" "And also her chest seems to have grown bigger." "Eh, Alessa'..." "The Berlin Wall has fallen." "And so fell Russia, Poland, Czechoslovakia," "Bulgaria, Hungary, Albania..." "Yugoslavia!" "And according to you, the hammer and sickle still must remain under the oak?" "It is for keeping, in the Party's symbol, a certain "continuum"." "A what?" " A "continuum"." "Me, yoga relaxes me a lot, both the physique and the mind, y'know?" "It's a bit like finding your balance between your inner and your outer, here is." "The ligaments, then, it loosens them all." "Each day, then, I do at least an hour of meditation." "Oh, look, I advise it." "If in the area there is a yoga school, run there immediately." "I'll find out about it." "If there is, I'll run." " Do run." "Who is it?" "From Rome arrived uncle Filippo and aunt Milena, mum's other sister." "It's Milena." " Mama!" "Uncle Filippo is a marshal of the air force, and works upon a tower, yet almost every day he comes home with some wild chicory." "Aunt Milena is very good, and she's famous because many years ago she took part in a radio program called "The prawn"." "And maybe that's why she loves quizzes and Mike Bongiorno." "However, her greatest grief is not having children." "How are you, are you fine?" " Fine." " I'm glad." "He's in great shape!" "Hi, Michele." "How are you?" " Hello." "Everything fine?" " Yes." "You look great!" " Hello, Filippo!" "You know what's my greatest flaw?" "It's that I'm too good." "I give people all I have." "Everything." "And you know what I get in return?" "A nice kick you-know-where, that's what." " Being good always ends up that way." "This is the last family member, uncle Alfredo." "He's a bachelor, and teaches Italian at a girls' school." "That's for you." " Thanks." "Alfredo!" " Beauties!" "Milena, Lina and Gina!" " You remember them all." "How are you?" " Fine, fine." "And yourselves?" "You're fine?" "I'm glad!" "Papa!" " Hey, professor, come here!" "Lucky man!" "Lucky you, always amidst those young girls, eh?" "When will we read in the papers "A professor involved..."?" "Come on, who do you take me for?" " Oh, alright!" "Young kid!" "Are you offended?" "Young kid!" "How beautiful!" "What do you say?" "Where shall we put it?" " Dunno!" "Don't you like decorating the Christmas tree?" "What are you doing?" "It's for the tree!" "You look good." "Slimmed down." " I should think so." "A month on white rice." "Still for that colitis?" " Ah, don't ask me!" "By now I've grown old on it!" "Rather, what about you, for that polyp?" "There's mum." "Did you get a check-up?" "I'll tell you later." "Monica's developed a lot, eh?" "She's so dear, God bless her!" " Sure hers is a critical age." "How's school going?" " Poor thing!" "She slogs on books, she applies herself." "A genius she's not, so, whatever she manages to do, so much the better." "What are you eating?" "!" "Do you know how many calories are in that stuff?" "You're really hard-headed!" " Leave her alone!" "I can't!" "She's growing an ass as large as a county!" "Then she wants to be a dancer!" "Eh, alright, in a few years she'll understand!" "Let's hope in God!" " Beautiful, this sweater!" "Neither heavy nor light." "Oh, but it's cashmere!" "I prefer to buy just one, but good." " Eh, yeah!" "It's no use buying a lot of stuff, if you end up throwing it away." "Of course!" " Am I right?" "Look, did you go to Antonella's wedding?" " Lina, they're fresh from the oven." " Nooo!" "At least you, Milena." "The 'taralli' that I used to make when you were children." "Er..." "Exactly for that, mum." "I don't feel like, it takes me as a lump at the stomach, thanks." "But it's water and wine." "Even children can digest this!" "Eh..." "Well, mum don't insist." "She said no!" "Well, here they are." "If you want them..." " I'd have one willingly!" " Oh, good!" "But, grandma, you forgot?" "Don't talk about children to aunt Milena." "She gets sad." "Alright!" "But all the times!" "What's that, a little tarallo?" "I was saying, I want to ask you:" "How was the wedding?" "Well..." "First of all, that day, I got a fever here on my lip." "This thing comes out each time there's something important." "Let's gloss over." "Wouldn't the battery go dead just that morning?" "Now, had they held the wedding in a church downtown I'd have taken a taxi." "But no!" "They had to to get married in the countryside!" "As if it were Caroline of Monaco!" "But I say!" " How presumptuous!" " Too ambitious." "Excuse me, honey, did you remember my anxiolytic?" "Me?" "!" "What a nerve!" "I should even remember your anxiolytic?" "How am I going to sleep, now?" "Damn... the devil!" "But you know when you close a home?" "The shutters, the light, the gas..." "Defrosting the fridge!" "He does nothing!" "And I should even remember his anxiolytic?" "I don't even have the prescription with me." "If you want, I can give you some of my Valium." " But it's not the same!" "God, it's starting!" "He won't collaborate!" " I'm going to get the eel." "Why don't you learn from Alfredo, who does it all?" "We're to the point that at times he gets home before me." "But I'll say, at least set the table!" "Do something!" "Raise for once your ass!" "But no!" "I must even think of his anxiolytic." "What the heck!" "What're you doing?" "That's mine!" " Damn!" "But she, how was she?" "She says it was a Valentino bridal gown." "Who knows how much it cost then." " I don't think so!" "I think she got it at a wholesale." "Usually, after the weddings, mum and the aunts would start to talk about the illnesses of their acquaintances." "Do you know Rosalba, my colleague?" "Who?" "The one I met last summer at the beach?" " Right her." "She was taking a shower, at some point she noticed something hard at her breast." "Like a chickpea, here." " Don't touch yourself!" "At the office she confides to me." "I say, Love, drop everything and go see a doctor." "The doctor, soon as he saw her, realized immediately." "He made a smear test, and told her:" "Dear lady, we must operate immediately!" "Oh my God!" "Just excised the..." " Chickpea!" " Chickpea He had it analyzed." "Malignant!" "Once alone, mum and aunt Milena would start to speak badly of aunt Gina." "Did you hear?" "Now she's doing yoga." "She says she must relax." "But from what?" "If I were Alessandro, a cure of slaps!" "And the cashmere?" "The fur?" "Where does she get all that money?" "Oh, my Milena, let me tell you!" "How naive you are!" "You don't say!" "I can't believe it!" "You heard what a disaster?" " What happened?" " The earthquake!" "You didn't hear the TV?" " Where?" " Eh, hundreds and hundreds of dead people." "But where?" " I didn't get it well, somewhere in China." "Eh, okay!" "They're almost a billion people, accustomed to catastrophes, hunger, epidemics, famines..!" "I, then, I can't really watch certain scenes on TV." "They hurt me." "I'm too sensitive." " Yes, I know!" "My God, my God, have mercy on us!" "Life lasts like a look out the window!" "Listen." "But you think that she's still with that one, or she changed partner?" "One only?" "They saw her going to the movies alone." "Going in, alone." " Ehm..." "Er.." "So the refreshment wasn't that much." "Standing!" "They wanted something modern." "I, then, with high heels!" " Imagine!" "You saw how she looked at us?" " She's got a guilty conscience." "Well!" "Mum and dad are fine, aren't they?" "Dad too." "I found him better this time." "Yes, true, I too noticed an improvement." "He's more aware." " Really better." ""Thank you."" ""Very good." "How are you?"" "What have you got to look?" "Nothing!" ""Very good!"" "Mad!" "All mad!" "There's nothing doing!" "Before..." " Anyway, he's always been a bit strange." "Well, sometimes yes, sometimes not." "# Mama!" "My song flies just for you..." "# Mama, you'll stay with me, you won't be alone anymore..." "# How much I love you, these words of love... # that my heart is sighing to you, maybe are not used anymore..." "# Mama, but my most beautiful song is you..." "# You are the life... # and for life I won't leave you ever again!" "# Mama... ever again!" "Hey!" "The eel!" "I have to prepare the eel!" "Bravo!" "Oh, the eel." "Look at that eel!" "Hey, what're you doing?" " What's he doing?" "What's he going to do now?" " Get it!" " Where is it?" "What..?" "But..." " And now?" "I always tell Trieste to shut the doors, that animals may come in." "Not a chance!" "Rizzitelli hit by an elbow." "Side kick for Italy." "From Baldini to Vierchowod." "The ball is now to Kulikov, then Shalimov..." "Damn..!" "Ah, our goalie made a great save!" " But he kicked to the stars!" "At any rate, Zenga's the best goalie in the world!" "Yes, a real purebred!" "Look at that body!" "Did you see that cock stroke?" "If he jumps on you, he'll chew you up." "A cheetah!" "See what he's done at the 45th minute?" "In what club does he play?" " Inter!" "What else?" " Ah, yes." "Luckily the eel fell on the balcony below." "Imagine if it fell on someone's head!" " Ersilia just couldn't believe it." "What's with that brazier?" " I'm taking it to our room." "Mum, how should we tell you that a brazier in the bedroom is very dangerous?" "It burns off the oxygen." "Just an hour!" "We'll take it out before sleeping." "I wanna see when you'll buy a stove!" "We've been using it for fifty years, and we're still alive!" "Sure that mum too, sometimes, is hard-headed!" "Turn off the light." "This bell is named "the call"." "They ring it during a procession on the evening of Christmas Eve." "Grandma says it's a very ancient tradition." "Mum, where's the cinammon?" "It started." "While the bell rings, every thing in town stops, and everyone must stay home, because the tradition goes that children must kiss their parents' hand." "Can you see well, like this?" "Can you see?" "You see well?" "No, I can't see." "More on the right." " Like that?" " That's perfect." "No, now I can't see anything, sorry!" " Wait a sec, Alfredo." "Well, sorry, but now I can't see, though!" " That's good, well done." "Here come the spaghetti with tuna!" "Children first!" "To Monica." " A little more, grandma!" "How much are you taking?" " It's Christmas, come on!" "Eat, eat!" "This way you'll win for sure the dancer's contest on TV!" "Good things in life are either illegal or immoral, or make you fat." "So said Bernard Shaw." " Oh, cute!" "Who said that?" "A friend of mine, someone I know." "For me just a little, I have to keep myself light." "And just why must you keep yourself light?" "As if you didn't know!" "Well, I forgot!" "Why?" "Because tomorrow..." "I'm on duty!" "Saverio!" "You... it's twenty years that you've been discharged." "Guys!" "I regret saying this... but since some time your mother... is somewhat off her head." "We must take measures, before it's too late." "Trieste!" "You must get treated!" "That's the last straw..." "Come on, ma, it's Christmas!" "Long live!" "Bon appetit!" "Best wishes!" "Wishing you a Merry Christmas..." "Hey, look at her!" "I remember her exactly the same since I was little." "Ah, the Gambineri!" " ... we'll have external connections with special guests." "Ma!" "They're too good!" "Don't stuff yourself!" "Oh, go to..." "Always refined!" "Sure that, look how much grace of God." "And in Italy there's still someone who complains." "Here we have everything." "Food aplenty, democracy, freedom." "A paradise!" "And to think that... certain Italians have had to wait for the end of Communism, to realize it." "Try as you might, our revolutionaries!" "I, right now..." "I'd send them all to Russia." "Albania, Bulgaria, Yugoslavia..." "Uh, what a ball breaker!" " Poor people!" "They're suffering from hunger and cold." "I just can't think about it." "It breaks my heart!" "It's good!" "What is it?" " Nebbiolo." "A DOC class wine." "There, see, I can't stand her." "I wonder how the heck an athlete like Borg could mate with someone like her." "I wouldn't touch her with a three yards stick!" "Forget it, Alfredo." "Me, some good stroke of stick..." "You're always ready, when it comes to sticks, right?" "If I were 70 years old..." "I'd show you all!" "Shut up, and eat!" "Fresh fish!" "Here you go." "What are these things?" "They're cauliflowers fried in batter." " Oh, good!" " They're delicious." "There you go, a small fish, Gina?" " Just one?" "Another!" "No, that's all, don't overdo." "You're greedy, I gotta watch out." "For just a small fish?" " OK, I'll eat them myself." "I want to know why you eat like a dumpster." "I don't eat like a dumpster." "Then how?" " I eat normally." "Don't you get it?" "This way you don't savor what you eat." "I savor, I savor!" "People!" "I break my back in the kitchen!" "Every day!" "He comes... gulps everything." "He doesn't even notice what he's eating!" "I notice, stop it!" " I stop when I please, okay?" "But it's Christmas!" " It's Christmas!" "... this is the singer who holds the record for album sales, for the song "White Christmas", ie, "Bianco Natale"." "In your opinion, this singer that you see, is Pat Boone?" " No, no, no!" " No." "No, it's not Pat Boone." "Indeed, this is Bing Crosby." " Bravo!" "Bravo!" "You know everything, eh?" "I can't." "Ever since I was little." "Ah, these fishbones!" "Once in a while I recall when you were children." "And I have to take it off my mind quickly." " Why?" "Because I get a lump in my throat." " Mama!" "I wanted that you'd grow up happy!" "But we are all happy!" "Eh, but I always tell Jesus:" "Make me suffer, and don't make them suffer." "Mum!" "Why you do that?" "We're all here, happy." "Huh?" "True?" "It's true." "We've been lucky to have had children." "But when I think of those poor people who don't have any..." "How sad!" "Why you do that?" " Oh, sorry." "Sorry." " You don't need to be sorry." "We're your family." "It's you who shouldn't take it this way." "It hurts you." "God wished that you hadn't any, that's it." "Believe me, children are not everything in life..." "Jeez, when mum starts with her speeches..." "Dear, don't worry, nothing happened to your aunt." "Come on, go." "Go, we'll come right away." "But, I wanted some Coca Cola." "Look at that impudence!" "What comes to your mind?" "Coca Cola?" "!" "Coca Cola with cod!" "Crazy things!" "You see it?" "They're only good to poison your blood!" "But at least you have a reason to live for." "Fact is that I'm stressed." "You don't know how bad a nervous breakdown can be!" "I know, I know!" " No, you don't know!" "Only he who really suffers knows." "You don't know, no, you don't!" "Then what can I say?" "I don't know!" "You wake up in the morning, and you feel useless." "You understand?" "Desperate!" "But why?" "Because I'm alone!" "Alone, Madonna." "Completely alone!" "To whom I'll give this love I have inside?" "To whom, to whom, to whom?" "To me, darling, to me!" " To Filippo, see?" "You know who we met last summer at the Tremiti islands?" "Clelia." " What Clelia!" "None other than, brace yourselves, Ornella Muti." "Come on, it can't be." "At the Tremiti?" "Wasn't she at Porto Ercole?" "I'm telling you she was at Tremiti with her Facchinetti and her children." "I couldn't believe it myself." "I thought, "imagine if a star like that comes to live here." Instead..." "Instead, early one morning we met her, normal, while she was going to the beach with all her tribe." "What is she like?" "Who?" " Ornella Muti." "How should she be?" "A hot piece!" "Well, look, she's not all that beauty!" "She's petite..." "And then has pointed ears." "A bit like Lina." "I?" "I have pointed ears?" "I have pointed ears?" "I don't think." " A little." " Pay no heed!" "She's a beautiful mare!" "She's well proportioned, I must admit." "A cute face, so natural..." "And this one too." "Still alive and kicking?" "Sandrocchia." " Hottie!" "You see, you reminded me of Alfredo, when he was little, he... he'd stand before the mirror, and imitate whatshername..." "Sandra Milo e the Kessler twins!" "Mum, please, you know I hate these memories!" "What's so wrong?" "We're in the family!" " What a laugh!" "# The night is small, for us, too small..." "Go on, Alfredo!" " Come on, Alfredo, you do us a piece?" "I'm not in shape, guys." "Alright, I'll do it." "An applause for encouragement!" "But just a short piece, though." "Perform the "Dadaumpa"." "Give us a show, come on!" "Turn off the light, for a little atmosphere." "And the TV." "Turn it off." " Dad, the TV." " Come on, he's got to concentrate." "They'll hire you as a dancer on TV, not my daughter!" " Thanks, mum." "You're welcome!" "Alfredo, you have to promise something to your mum." "What?" " Eh, I want to see you set up, with a beautiful wife, and you too must give me a little grandchild." "But I'm single." "Who is he?" "Is called that way one who wants to live alone." "Mum, Alfredo must do what he wants." "Okay, now that you're young, Alfredo." "But when you'll be old?" "Who will take care of you?" "Were it not for you, what would our life be?" "Mum, Alfredo is right." "Finding a good girl is difficult nowadays." "Don't believe that people are all like us!" "They're ignorant, hypocritical, false." "They only care for their petty own!" "Because was lost the sense of the family!" "That's why the youth grow up adrift, without ideals." "But do we want to put in our mind that we are only replicators?" "So then, our task is that of finding a wife, a home, a job... to bring children into the world..." "And then... try to be as united as possible, and hold hands." "It's true!" "Holding hands... and give much, much, much love!" "But the eel?" " Here it is!" "Luckily it fell on the balcony of the Cardellini!" "Cesira caught it." "What have you got to look?" "Sure that this Christmas came with all the trappings." "Watch how it's falling!" "It's all so beautiful!" "So intimate!" "There's an atmosphere so evocative, so special!" "Full of significance!" "Also in your region you use to eat the eel?" " No, we're not used." "It's so good, my big eel!" "You don't know what you're missing." " She knows, she knows..." "Remember when we were kids, and we all went down to play in the snow?" "And you'd fall on your back to see the imprint you'd leave!" "And when Milena banged against the wall with the sled, remember?" "Well, there's nothing to laugh about!" "3 cracked ribs, because of these idiots." "And the poor Cesira below, who didn't come at the window fearing the snowballs from Alessandro!" "How good was the snow in a glass, with a drop of marsala." "Come on, pull!" "Go!" "Pull harder!" "Feel how this nectar on the snow warms you up!" "There you go!" "I told you you'd get hurt!" "We're okay, don't worry!" "Put some more, come on!" " You like it, eh?" "That's it." "No, It's not convincing." "The last touch." "Watch." "That's it." "Wait." "There you go." " Alfredo!" " It's nothing, ma, come on!" "It's a game." "Now you gotta pull me, eh?" " Okay, Lina." "Come on, sit." "The wine hurts!" "How rude!" "Again?" "Let's defend ourselves!" "Watch behind you!" "Who's that, Cardellini?" "Throw you too, come on!" " Let's go, Saverio, they're crazy!" "Mad, mad!" "They're all mad!" "Shoot them!" " Go, Gina, go!" "Let's bombard them!" "Ah, we're under fire, huh?" "Back in the cage!" "Not this, eh?" " Take this!" "Go, Lina, go!" "Ah, women too, now?" "Get this!" "You want war?" "And war will be!" "My God." "My head froze!" "White flag!" "Victory!" "Victory!" "Victory!" "After dinner, the Cardellini family would come to visit." "At home they always said that Mr Cardellini had spent all his money in Rome on women and cards, and that for this his wife Ersilia had clung onto the gas pipe seven times." "Cesira, their only daughter, is unmarried, and teaches catechism in St Lucy's oratory." "But everyone said that she's always been in love with uncle Alfredo." "Come, Cesira, come, come." "I open with 1,000." " I fold." "Good to know, lawyer Colacioppo!" "He too belongs to the "parish"." "With a wife and children." "That's why he often travels to the north." "Call them inquiries!" "And in fact he does his "inquiries"." "In the stations' restrooms." "I fold." " Are you sure?" "Then ask Alfredo, who saw him with his own eyes in the restrooms of Milan station." "What's there to say more?" "And yet his wife is a nice mare!" "Eight thousand." "Buddy, when you love the cob, you can even have Sophia Loren close by, you can figure it out." "Call." "A nice shuffle..." "Attention!" "I'm opening with number... 79!" "What?" "What came out?" " 7-9." "Here is the number." "Grandma Letizia is the mother of Camillo." "95 years old, and an iron heart." "Locked up in a rest home for 20 years, she's let out only for the holidays." "Attention!" "Here it is." " Listen, the 51 came out?" "The 51?" "6-4, sixty four!" "Attention!" "I cannot live in that home." "It's so ugly!" "What nuisance am I at home?" "Put in a good word for me, you too!" "Here it is!" " So then?" " I'm not telling." "Thirty seven, 3-7!" "Three numbers win!" " What win, dad!" "Alfredo, check it out:" "2, 26, 37." "Good, they're out." "Of course, dad!" "I already had 5 winners earlier!" "Come on!" "OK, look, let's make him happy." "Did you see?" " Bravo!" " Let's go on for the four numbers win." "No further bets!" "Ask, call, the number will come out!" "Hop!" "Uh-oh!" "What is it?" " The age of Cesira." "18!" "18?" " Attention!" "Four winners!" " How can that be?" "What?" "Oh, no!" " Come on, dad!" "Women, get ready!" "It is almost midnight!" "What do we do?" " Well, leave everything as is." "No, split the money!" " No." "We'll play after Mass." "I'll keep it" " Mum, let's get ready." "How does it fit?" "I think the other fits you better." " Yes?" "Right, mum?" " Yes." "Let me see!" "Look!" "The smell of when I was little!" " Let me try it on, I beg you!" "Now you too must a apply a bit of this." " The lipstick?" "No, no!" " Or else you won't come out with us tonight!" " No, God forbid!" "I never liked this stuff." "Are you mad?" "You wanna make people laugh?" "Good heavens, no!" "Forget it!" "I've never done these things!" "Mum?" "Can you put me the bow tie?" " Let go..." " Mum has to put on lipstick." "I'll do it, I'll do it." " Good, Alfredo!" "You take care of it." " Come here!" "But what are we doing?" " Hold still, quiet!" "Do like that!" "That's it." "Hold still!" "The lipstick suits you just fine." "What's going on?" "Are you ready or not?" " Look how mum looks good!" "How pretty is mummy!" "Give me a peck, mummy!" "You're so beautiful!" " She left you a mark." " Let me see..." "Milena, can you put me the bow tie?" "Well tight, eh?" "Are you girls ready?" "Just a moment." "Alfredo, pass me the jacket, please?" "Here we are!" "We are ready!" "But..." "What did you wear?" "If I don't wear it on Christmas, when will I wear it?" "But is it Carnival?" "Oh, merciful God!" "Go take that off immediately." "Alright, let him be, come on!" "Shall we make people laugh right on Christmas night?" "Why?" ""Used to obey in silence!"" "This is our motto!" "Merry Christmas!" " Best wishes, doctor!" "And of course, at the midnight mass, there were all the town's families." "Cipolloni, Maranga, Marciani, Colacioppo," "Pozzolini and Mazzocconi." "Look at that!" "So big, and is with that shorty." "Low bottom, deeper hole, they say in Milan!" "Isn't he ashamed?" "20 years in college and he hasn't graduated yet!" "A wife, two twins, and parents supporting them." "Happy Holidays!" " Also to your wife." "You saw how beautiful is the daughter of Barbieri?" " For God's sake!" "She's full of silicone like her mother!" "Beautiful woman, the wife of lawyer Colacioppi." " Lucky him who can savor her." "Sooner done than said, Mrs Trozzi managed to get her son a job at the county!" "Through the union?" " No, the Minister." "Merry Christmas!" " Same to you." " Best wishes, Sir!" "Dear lady!" " You see the commissioner of public works?" "He was so much a Communist, but after his wife cuckolded him, he became Socialist." "Merry Christmas, Sir." " Tomorrow." "Look who's back!" "Rosa Giannetta." "She arrived up to Saudi Arabia to do the hooker." "At least she has traveled the world." "Yeah, she knows the ins and outs!" " Greetings, lawyer." "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." "Amen." "The Lord be with you." " And with your spirit." "Save', sit down." "I confess to God Father the almighty, and to the blessed Mary ever virgin, that I have sinned greatly, in my thoughts, in my words, in my deeds, through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault." "Dad!" "Sit down." "Word of the Lord." " Praised be Jesus Christ." "In watching television, and reading newspapers, we learn about the many bad things of this world." "Wars, famine, pestilence, murder, disease, destruction, devastation, fires, homicides!" ".." "Disasters, extortion, racketeering, kidnapping, prostitution, corruption and lust." "But today, we find out that God truly loves us, and doesn't leave us alone at the mercy of evil." "Next to us, in addition to the Holy Father, he sends us Jesus." "And Jesus is not afraid to be born in this world with so many unpleasant aspects." "Indeed, as every year, he comes back, to make it better." "He is born in a humble hut." "Next to him there are only Mary and Joseph." "He is welcomed and visited by poor people, shepherds, people by the simple heart and helpful." "And so,.." "to prepare for Christmas, you dont need to turn on many lights along the roads, or buy gifts and new things!" "And now that we've looked deep in our heart, let us look in the back of the church, where is starting to take shape the mystery of God." "The mystery of love, of God that comes to us." "He will be the hope of our hope;" "the life of our life." "Behold!" "Here is..." "From the depths of humankind, He advances." "Listen to the echo of his footsteps!" "By day and by night, from age to age, at any time," "He advances..." "He advances..." "He advances..." "Turn on the lights to feast!" "The Lord is born for us!" "And now, all of us, lined up, we will give Him a token of our affection." "Save', move!" "And as always, during the night, everyone went to lay their gifts under the tree." "In short, as if Santa Claus had actually come." "Alfredo, what's your gift?" "It's a secret." "You'll see tomorrow." " Eh, Alfredo!" " Hello mum." "Ah, you too?" "Lina, come." "You put your gift?" " I'm going to take that of Monica." "Don't make noise!" " It didn't break." "Milena, careful!" "You'll wake up the kids!" "Gimme a kiss!" "You saw how many beautiful gifts, Trieste?" "Fantastic, fantastic, oh mother!" "If you knew how much snow fell!" "Stay under, stay covered, nice and warm." "Don't move." "Now grandma will bring you breakfast in bed." "Hey!" "Merry Christmas, my darling." " Holy Mother, how cold!" "When will you buy a gas stove?" "Just one." "Huh?" "You can carry it around the house, as with the brazier." "Shall we make another expense?" " Michele thinks the same!" "Look, go wash up, or else you'll have to queue." "That icy water!" " Merry Christmas, Lina." "Same to you." "How cold!" "Merry Christmas, mum." "Merry Christmas to you too, Alessandro." "You could have stayed in bed a while." "It's Christmas!" " With flakes!" "Good morning." " Morning." "Good morning, dear." " Hi, Milena." "Merry Christmas, mama." " Merry Christmas to you too." "You know who I dreamed of last night?" " Who?" "Sometimes dreams are just crazy." "I dreamed of grandma Annina, who was lying in the midst of a wheat field, and I got close and asked her:" ""Granny, what are you doing here all alone?"" "And she, holding my hand, told me:" ""Milena, help me!" "I fell!"" "And I: "How did you fall?" And she: "I fell from an elephant!"" "And why from an elephant?" "Mum, I don't know." "Dreams are like that." "I don't know why from an elephant." "Good morning!" " Merry Christmas!" " Merry Christmas, mum." "Hi." " Alfredino!" "What a cold, guys!" "Mum, for me only a little barley." "I'll put in a drop of coffee, so it picks you up." "Just a drop." " Mum, would you give me a cup to bring it to Gina?" "She's used to have breakfast in bed." "Lucky her, who found someone who brings it to her!" "Mum, can I have some tea, please?" " I'll fix it right away." "It's for Gina?" " Yes." "Thanks!" "Dad is already up?" " No!" "The later he gets up, the better it is." "Grandpa!" "Ah!" "He's up!" "Grandpa!" " Come on, dad!" "Open up!" " Grandpa, will you open it?" "Grandpa, open up!" " Come on, dad, come out!" "Saverio, come out!" "It's an order!" "One must respect one's own turn." "So says the regulation of the Corps." "You too like Mina?" " Of course!" "How couldn't I?" "To me, she's unique." "Well, I also like Battisti, De Gregori, Dalla..." "But she..." "Maybe because she helped me to overcome some difficult times of my life." "Think that once..." "I was with someone, and I didn't know whether to end everything." "You know, when a story takes a bad turn..." " Eh!" "Well, I went to buy her latest LP, I'd never heard it." "I played it, and as if on purpose, there was a song titled "More, more"." "It seemed written specially for me!" "Hearing her say "More, more, I still love you"" "suddenly I realized I still loved this person, that was it." "Thank God they all went out!" "When they're at home, you can't get anything done!" "For goodness sake!" "As time passes they become ever more boring, and useless." "Quite right that guy on TV who says you should change partners every 3.5 years." "Who?" "That nice guy who's always in the "Maurizio Constanzo Show", what's his name..." "Sgarbi." "He says that after 3 and a half years you become like brother and sister." "I think he's right." "True, once in a while you need a new boost of life!" "Eh, what should I say then, who for over 60 years I've been with that pain in the neck!" "Mum, you should've thought of it earlier." " True!" "I was idiot!" "Mama?" "Where is the maraschino?" " There isn't." " What do you mean, there isn't?" "Alfredo, I forgot to buy it." "How can I make maraschino cream without maraschino?" "A tangerine liqueur isn't the same thing?" "A tangerine liqueur?" "You heard?" "I should make maraschino cream with tangerine?" "So?" "It'll taste like tangerine!" "And where is it?" " In the cabinet of the living room." "And as every year, on Christmas morning, Dad forced us to go looking for some poor bird." "Come with daddy, come." "This year there must have been the repopulation." "Before Christmas lunch, there was a gifts exchange." "Mama!" "This is on the part of all of us." " It's nice, isn't it?" "You shouldn't have!" "Grandpa, there's for you too." "Mauro." "Thank you." "That was very nice." "Watch Saverio, he's so..." "Best wishes, Dad!" " Merry Christmas!" "Now we can even go skiing!" "Look how elastic they are!" "God, how beautiful!" "For years I've looked for a gown in this color, and I've never managed to find it!" "And now you come, and..." "Thank you!" " Don't mention it!" "It's splendid!" " Best wishes." "Milena, here, this is for you." " Thanks." "Wait, I'll give you mine." "Wait, let me look for it..." "So you can buy what you want." " Thank you, grandma." "Here it is!" "Best wishes." "Nooo!" "Best wishes!" "Thank you!" "This way I can make a matching set!" "What a nice idea!" "I already got one!" " What is it?" " When you speak, it moves." "Hello!" "You like it?" "It's yours if you want it." " Thank you." "Coke!" "Goodbye." " This is branded, it takes black shoes." " Lina!" "Best wishes!" "It's a corkscrew." "It's a refined object for classy people." "You like it?" "You have fulfilled a dream." "You can't understand how this pen can be useful to me." "Yup!" "Now let's clear out quickly, it's almost time for lunch." "Yes!" "Wait a second!" "Group photo!" "Everybody ready, for the rite of the photograph!" "Ready?" " Wait!" "Here we go, we're ready." "But let's put me too." "Are we all?" " No, not all, I'm missing!" "Here, focusing.. ready!" "Self-timer..." "Go!" "Move over, move over..." "Smile!" "But where..." " Hurry up!" " One moment!" "You took me just as I turned!" " No, I..." "Dear Romans, Italians..." "A happy and holy Christmas to you..." "May the peace of Christ the Savior reign in your hearts... and in your families..." "Seen that today is such a beautiful day," "I also want to tell you something important." "Since some time I wanted to tell you." "But then, today passes, and tomorrow too..." "But today I decided." "And if Trieste makes a decision, that's that!" "A true Abruzzese, stubborn!" "What's there to say that's so important?" "We thought that we want to spend the few days that we still have to live closer to you." "I like this." " Good idea!" "We have always moved away from here, and you know it, very little." "Eh, yes, we know." " However, enough now." "Enough with living alone." " Oh, finally!" "I'll say!" "For 15 years that I've been married you came to our house a couple of times at the most." "For how many years I've been telling you?" "Go out, what the heck!" "But that's all we wanted!" "True, Gina?" " Sure!" "How beautiful!" "What a wondrous Christmas!" "Did you hear, Save'?" "And I who thought you wouldn't want us." "But what came on your mind?" " You must be joking!" "What a great consolation to have children like you!" "We want you, Mum!" "But how can you think such things?" "!" "Did you hear? "We don't want you"!" "As soon as you decide, tell us, our home is at your complete disposal." "Now I'm ashamed of myself." "But I'll tell you anyway, because with you I want to be sincere all the way." "Do you know..." " Come on, tell us!" "Do you know that I had even considered a rest home?" "But..." "A rest home?" "What has to do the rest home?" "But when I went there, and I've smelled that odor of old," "I've felt like a block here, in the pit of the stomach." "Also because I, alone, the responsibility to care for her," "I can not take it!" "Mind you, not that I don't want to take it." "I just cannot take it." "Because I have my work." "I have to study English." "Soon they will open the frontiers." "So, I will not have time." "And indeed another reason is precisely him." "Something may happen to us at any moment." "And here, living alone, who will see us, who will hear us?" "But what may ever happen?" "And now the question arises with who go to live." "But I'll tell you right now that being shuttled among my children like a parcel, God forbid!" "It makes me laugh." "Going here, then there..." "But can you picture the two of us?" ".." "Rome, Como, Modena..." "For God's sake!" "So I thought that it's up to you to decide." "Of course I wasn't born yesterday, and I know that we will give a bit of nuisance." "Therefore I decided that, besides to half the pension that we will give to who takes us with him, we'll give him also the house." "It's not a great capital, however... that's all we own." "Isn't it so?" "Now you think it over, talk about it, do your calculations... and when you take a decision, you'll tell us." "Calmly." "No one is chasing us." "On the other hand, we can't move now with the cold." "Of course not." "In spring, God willing." "When the weather warms up." "April, May..." "May, June..." " If God will!" "Well, bon appetit, eh?" "Bon appetit..." "Why Alfredo didn't come?" "He said he'd come later, was helping mum to tidy up." "Why don't you go play with the machines?" " Mum, I don't like them." "Then go make a snowman, later we'll come to see it." "Love, go and play with Mauro you too." "I don't want to go." "Then go get a chocolate zuccotto, they make them delicious here." "Good girl!" "Guys, let's be clear." "The only one who can really take care of our loved ones, is precisely Alfredo." "I regret he's not here..." "Alfredo?" "!" "Excuse me, but how can you entrust two elders to a single man?" "Look, Gina, if you allow, it's up to us of the family to decide what we can or can't do." "Indeed, Lina is perfectly right." "Of course!" "Who better than him?" "He's single, with no wife, no children, free..." "Mum can fix him meals, so he'll find a hot plate when he returns from work..." "Antonio!" " Yes?" "For me no coffee, better a Sambuca." "Therefore, just one coffee." "Decaffeinated!" " And a grappa.." "And for the pension, even if only half, it's still a nice nest egg, right?" "You may not be aware, but the Corps got some good increases." "And what about the house?" "That too is a nice capital." "Nowadays..." "Certainly, whatever the two of them decide, God forbid." "However, also the house?" "To me it seems a little excessive..." "Don't you think?" " Sure, sure..." "You're right, Lina." "And then, it's not even for the capital, but it's... it's for a sentimental fact, of affection, let's say." "Having a hearth, a point of reference for the family, it's important." "Michele, this is up to us to say." "We were born and raised there." "But I'm sure that Alfredo will understand." "Mum said so just to say, for sensitivity." "Alfredo will never accept the house!" "After all, we're offering him a good opportunity." "Didn't he always say that he can't bear to stay away from Mum and Dad?" "So?" "Say what you will, however, not seeing mum and dad into our house... it shatters my heart!" "Don't do that, honey." "After all, they'll stay with your brother, not with a stranger, right?" "But it will all end, you see?" "Christmas will end, the joy of these days will end!" "We've always been so united." "Now mum and dad need our help, and they come to ask us." "My God!" "Filippo!" "Let go of my hand, I can't stir the cappuccino." "They even considered a rest home." "I can't believe it!" "She even checked one!" "Lina, please, don't say such things!" "You know they hurt me!" "In pondering, I've come up with a trifle." "As for the house, we'll see what to do." "But the stuff that's in there?" "But the donation of the house doesn't also include what's inside." "Eh, it would be nice!" "Because inside there are some little things not bad at all." "The TV set, is new." "And the washer that we gave them last year?" "It's new." "Then it has that program for delicate..." "Then sorry, but I'd like to anticipate something, since we're on topic." "Because in that house there's one thing that really makes me die for!" "Which one?" "The dresser." "The one in the hallway?" "Yes." " The one of Grandma Lisetta?" "Yes." " Oh, the one all inlaid, with a marble stone on it?" "Lina, there's but one dresser, I really think she wants that one." "God!" "How sorry I am, darling!" "Fact is, grandma Lisetta gave it exactly to me prior to her death." "Since, when I was little, I was always there in front watching those inlays, one day she said:" ""When you grow up, this will be yours."" "Of course, as long as it's used by mum and dad, God forbid..." "But after..." "Sorry, Lina, but when grandma died, weren't you one year old?" "Yes." "So how can you remember?" "It's the first memory I have." "Indeed, if you ask me" ""What is your first memory?", I answer you "This one"." " Fancy that!" "I'm rather thinking of Alfredo's face when we'll give him the good news." "But you're kidding?" "!" "What?" "You're not happy?" "Happy?" "!" "But then you're serious!" "I say, are you crazy?" "But what have I to do?" "On purpose I didn't come to the bar." "But what came into your mind?" "I, a man alone, caring for two old people?" "Darling, apart that mummy and daddy are two people quite easy to manage, and not old, as you improperly said, then, if we thought of you, it's also to do you a favor." "A favor?" "!" "Of course." "Since they're two people who not only will make you feel less lonely, but they'll help you also from an economic standpoint." "Excuse us if it isn't much." "So, you think I should give up my life, my independence, 10 years of autogenic training, for these four walls and a little extra money?" "Alfredo, the fact is that you're the only person without responsibility, without family." "The only one living alone." "But I don't live alone." "You don't live alone?" " No." "I cohabit since ten years." "But then there are secrets between us!" "You're with a woman for 10 years and you don't tell us?" "But, who's she, what does she do, what's her name?" "His name is Mario, and he's a security guard." "Oh God!" "Mauro and Monica, go play in the kitchen please!" "The monster is here!" "And... and, in all these years, you never confided with your sisters, your brother?" "But how did it happen, Alfredino, eh?" "How did it come out, this your diversity?" "What do you want me to say?" "At some point I realized that I liked cock!" "Alfredo, please!" " But why, sorry?" "What did you expect from a child with a submissive father and an overprotective mother, eh?" "What did you expect?" "Alfredo, please, mum and dad may be back any moment!" "Good!" "So finally they too will know what they've been able to do!" "Why, sorry?" "I'm not a half-woman, and weren't we born of the same parents?" "Alessandro, please!" "You might not be a faggot... however, you'd better shut up." "Now I understand why you met with lawyer Colacioppo... in the loos of the station." "So what?" "Have you seen?" "What had I told you?" "In my opinion, there's only one person who can take care of them, just one." "And in my opinion that person is you." "Me!" "?" "Yes, dearie, yes!" "You're the one who's always been closer to them, you know them more." "And then, you're the one living closer." "The moving would be less shocking:" "same region, same language..." "Can you imagine those two poor old people in Modena?" "They wouldn't even dare to go out..." "for the trauma." "Yeah!" "The Lombard League has come!" "But..." "But, I for one don't know where to put my hands!" "Alone in the house with two men..." "I'm out from morning till evening, and when I'm home, God only knows what I find!" "Without the collaboration of anyone..." "With a nervous breakdown that's up to the tip of my hair, a spastic colitis, and you tell me to take care of these two poor people?" "But how could you think of it?" "!" "But you must admit they're much more attached to you." "You've always been more present..." "Now you're in it, too?" "Of course I was more present, I live closer!" "Then, if you put on this level, I must tell you that, exactly for this, you've always put it in my rear, with all due respect." "When dad had a bladder surgery, who did the nights in the hospital?" "I, alone!" "Not a dog to replace me!" "But Lina, don't you remember I'd phone every day to ask if you wanted me to come to relieve you?" "You always said no." "Now, if you want to play the victim.." "I said no because you're a man." "It was your wife who had to come." "At least she knows how to make a coffee." "And she had to figure this out, since she says she has some sensitivity!" "But as her sensitivity is only in one spot..." "Okay, never mind, it's better." "Then this speech concerns me too!" "But of course!" ""Poor Milena!", said mum, "She always calls!"" "But the bedpan under dad's ass, I put myself... my dear!" "For 20 years I've put up with them!" "Enough now!" "Now you take them over!" " You did wrong!" "You shouldn't have done it." " Even?" "Certainly!" "Because, by doing so, you've spoiled them, and now all of us must bear the brunt." "If they'd been accustomed to living alone, to rely on their own resources, now we wouldn't be talking about it, don't you think?" "Filippo is quite right, dear." "Jesus!" "Now I should even feel guilty for having aided them?" "!" "Well, sadly it's the truth." "All of us have had to adapt to your behavior, not to play, us, the part of the ungrateful." "It's true!" "You've acted so to suck up to mummy and daddy." "That's why you did it." "What are you saying?" "What are you saying?" "You, who don't even have a family!" "Milena." "Alessandro." " The TV, the TV!" "Here we are!" " Dollar: 204,505." "Ecu: 1535,450." "You did well... in closing the door." "This way the room stays warm." "Outside it's freezing cold." "But how can you, I say, go out in this cold?" "Ah, even if outside is - 40 °, I must take my walk!" "Take some air, and work off your thighs!" " Can we come in now?" "Why did you send them away?" "And from that afternoon, whenever the grandparents went out, they shut themselves up in a room and sent us away." "And so, when it suits you, I'm part of the family, but when it doesn't, I'm no longer part, eh?" "Look, cutie, my mother in law, 3 months after I married, came to stay with me, because my husband wanted it so, and I had to keep quiet." "She kicked the bucket, or else she'd still be there." "Anyway, for me, my husband can do what he wants." "Just him to know that, no sooner his parents set foot in my house," "I'll pack up and leave." "Again!" "?" "But where shall I put them, if I've no place?" "What no place!" "Put Mauro to sleep in the studio!" "And you, with a house of 2,000 sq ft?" "Not to mention the terrace." "And no children!" "You shouldn't have said that!" "Judas!" "Like the time you found me smoking with Rosamaria and you ran to tell dad!" "What could I know?" "At age five I couldn't!" "You knew, you knew!" "To your advantage, you always knew everything!" "The truth is that you were jealous of me!" " I, jealous of you!" "?" "Yes!" "Because I'm tall, slender, and I've got class!" "Nice gratitude!" "You of all, who've always been mum's favorite!" "And if it was not for dad, you'd have never won the contest!" "Look who's talking, the communist, the revolutionary..." "But if it was not for my husband and the D.C., you would be cleaning loos now!" "Oh, so I'd be a whore!" "Love!" "You heard what your sister says?" "Huh?" "She said I'm a whore!" "And you?" "Christ, you don't reply, you don't react?" "How should he react?" "Don't you see what you turned him into?" " Calm, Lina." "At this point, let's tell it all." "That our brother married a whore, no doubt about it." "But, shall we also tell that then someone took advantage and poked his biscuit?" "I don't get it." " Oh, you don't?" "Michele, you tell her!" "I'm good and quiet, however..." " They're gone!" "Michele!" "Huh?" "To what biscuit my sister is refering?" "I don't grasp!" " Neither do I!" "Look, Michele, you can't deny." "We've got proof!" "You had me followed!" "Filippo, show him!" "Come on." "Here it is." "Poste restante." "I hope you won't deny the evidence?" "Everything concurs:" "The watch... the necklace..." "Even your birthmark on the arm, Michele!" "If we want to also check the mole you have on the left buttock... at your discretion." "You bitch!" "You've destroyed the peace of my home!" " Calm down, Lina!" "Show me too!" " It's not stuff for you, go!" "Lina!" "Alfredo!" "Where are you?" "Look who's here!" "What are you all doing here?" "Look who came to say hello." "Aunt Clementina!" " Aunt Clementina!" "Oh God, how nice to see you all gathered here!" "What is it?" "May I?" "Look, I've thought about it." "It's pointless to get upset with each other..." "Come, come come!" "Come!" " What's up?" " You did well in coming." "I was saying that the situation is serious." "It's no use to be at each other's throats, it leads nowhere." "That's what I say." "Look, go call Alessandro." "We'll talk about it, calmly." "Alone!" "If you want to talk in private..." " No... - ..." "I'll go out." "Where are you going?" "Here the solution must be shared!" "I meant to say..." "There are rest homes of various kind." "They're not all alike." "Let's start by not calling them like that." "Rest homes, eh!" "Hotel!" "Hotel homes!" " There are some that drive you crazy, beautiful, with trees, plants..." "At worst, if there's to pay more, we sell the house..." "But you didn't understand mum!" "What do we tell her?" "We don't want you?" "And people?" "Haven't you thought of what people would say?" "Four children who resort to a rest home!" "No, it's a solution we can't consider, come on." "Let us cast lots!" " Cast lots!" "?" "No, no, count me out, okay?" "Should it fall to me?" "Now that I've finally found my balance with Mario?" "Heavens no, please!" "Or else we can do the opposite:" "We will come here." "Four children... three months each." "Do you realize what you're saying?" "And the job?" "You think they'll move the control tower here?" "Don't talk nonsense!" "Let's go to the parish." "The parish?" "!" "We'll seek a woman for companionship." "We ask Don Tanino." "A Filipino, an Albanian, a Pole..." "You saw on TV?" "They're good people..." "Sorry, then it doesn't get into your head." "Haven't you understood yet?" "They want to be with us." "They want our love." "They don't want to die alone, and abandoned." "All useless chatter!" "As if they'd live to the age of Noah!" "How long you think they'll live, those two poor things?" "Did you see?" "Mum must be around 80, daddy something less, but look at his state!" "Forget it, the mean age has lengthened." "And usually who's always ill lives longer." "He who's always well, instead, a heart attack, a stroke, and done." "And these are the luckiest cases." "But let's assume a paralysis:" "they're immobilized the rest of life, what do you do?" "You call Christ to help?" "Mauro!" "I'll deal with you at home!" "What have I done, now?" "Don't you see you're drenched?" "Go finish your homework, rather!" "But there's only left the essay on Christmas holidays!" "They're not over yet!" "Sure, always on the last day!" "Look, in the snow!" "Imagine the germs!" "Phew!" "So, who cares if the one out there gets sick?" "There's the dumbo here!" "And then, buddy... it's in their genes." "They've a constitution..." "You're telling me?" "Yesterday I strolled at the cemetery for the fun of watching the tombstones." "I even jotted it down, look." "The youngest is this:" "Grandpa Tanino, died at 85 years." "Under bombardment." " Even!" " Otherwise..." "Hey, you!" "When your mother says something, you must execute it at once!" "And silence!" "And then, mommy and daddy, by hook or by crook, have even been through two world wars." "They're toughened!" "... I feel it's as if I did a coercion." "What's that?" "Keep calm." " No, but..." "Try to enjoy your aperitif!" "Here comes the czarina." "Phew!" "Among these shops, you only get bored!" "My darling, what will you have?" " A dry Martini, thank you, love." " And you?" "A chocolate zuccotto." "What?" "A chocolate zuccotto!" "See if they have a nice low-fat yogurt, it'll serve also as lunch!" "Happy New Year from Videoesse" "For New Year's Eve, we're awaiting you at the Restaurant Palomba, where you eat, you drink, and you dance!" "With a show by:" "Rudy de Cesaris!" "But... us, for New Year's Eve, we don't organize anything?" "With the troubles we have, we worry about dancing?" "I was saying so, just to say." "Unfortunately, the news of serenity is troubled by another news, of a dead person and three wounded as a result of the explosion that, last night, has destroyed an apartment on the outskirts of Milan." "At the origin of the disaster, the leakage of gas from a cylinder inside an old stove." "This brings to 185, from the beginning of the year, the victims of accidents caused by gas leaks." "In this regard, for greater safety, we invite you to periodically check the condition and efficiency of the equipments, in a particular way those fueled with liquid gas cylinders." "The calls for prudence are never too many." ""What is this?"" "What?" " What is this?" " Now I give you a slap!" "A boo..." "Boo.." "Boo... boo..." "Boo.. boo.." "Peekaboo!" " But what "peekaboo", grandpa!" ""This is book"." "Book." ""Libro"." "Oh, but this is English!" "Mama!" "What's up?" "Oh God!" "What have you done?" "Another present?" "So finally you can trash that brazier." " It'd be about time, right?" "One was for Christmas, and this is for New Year." " But you shouldn't!" "It's just a space heater!" "We have contributed a bit each one." "Yes.. a bit each one." " This, you put it in your room." "It is simple and functional." "What a nice thought!" " So you like it..." "Watch how easily it moves." "Right, Alfredo?" "We wrapped it, Alfredo and I, we've put this nice bow..." " Michele, what can I say?" "I thank you, I thank you with all my heart!" " Monica... did you see the nice present we gave to the grandparents?" "Moreover, a heater was needed." " When you put it in your room and you turn it on, it stays warm as long as you want." "It's not like the brazier, that stinks and burns out the oxygen, right?" "And so, through the intercession of a friend of dad, we too managed to find a place at the Palomba, where mum and the aunts said there were all the foremost families in town:" "The Cipolloni, Moroni, Maranga..." "Barbati, Pozzolini, Contenti, Mazzocconi and Colacioppo." "Lina, try the lentils, they're very good." "I would, but with colitis, the lentils..." "Who eats lentils on New Year, makes money all year long." "It's the tradition, you have to eat at least a little." "Excuse me, but the one who's dancing with Monica, isn't the son of Mazzoccone of the egg pasta?" "It would seem just so." " Well placed people, huh?" "Come on, get up!" "Let's throw ourselves into the fray." "The lights!" "Midnight is impending!" "Have you filled your goblets?" "Yes!" "Have you filled them with champagne?" "Yes!" "Drum roll!" "Minus ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, zero!" "Happy New Year!" "My holidays have begun well, however they ended badly, because both my grandparents died." "Really?" "I'm sorry." "They died from an explosion of gas, and it was very important, because it came on newspapers and it was also shown on TV." "However I don't understand why mum, dad and the uncles said that the fault was of the stove, which was too old." "Instead the stove was new, because they gave it to them that very day, for the New Year holiday." "English subs by edam17@KG May 2015"