"Tonight is the Dundies, the annual employee world's night here at Dunder Mifflin and this is everybody's favorite day, everybody looks forward to it." "Because, you know a lot of the people here don't get trophies very often like Meredith or Kevin." "I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award ?" "Dunkin Donuts ?" "Plus, bonus, it's really really funny." "So I..., you know an employee will go home, and he'll tell his neighbor :" ""Hey, did you get an award ?" And the neighbor will say :" ""No man, I mean I slave all day, nobody notices me."" "Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor's house :" "Neighbor's hanged himself, due to lack of recognition." "So you're ready for the Dundies ?" "You know what they say about a car wreck where it's so awful you can't look away ?" "The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you." "It's fat Halpert" " What ?" " Fat Halpert, Jim Halpert." "So why don't I take you on a tour of past Dundee winners ?" "We got fat Jim Halpert here, Jim why don't you show off your Dundies to the camera ?" "Oh I can't, because I keep them hidden, I don't wanna look at them and get cocky." " Oh, that's a good idea." " And mine are at home, in a display case about my bed." "TMI, TMI my friend." "TMI ?" "Too Much Information." "It's just easier to say TMI." "I used to say "Don't Go There" but that's lame." "And here we have Stanley the manly, now Stanley is a Dundee Allstar, aren't you Stan ?" "Why don't you show them some of your bling ?" "I don't know where they are, I think I threw them out." " Oh, no you didn't." " I think I did." "Why did...?" "Say, we gotta order some more appetizers this time." " We ran out last year, remember ?" " Yes we should, you know what ?" "I wanted one of those skillets of cheese, but when I got on stage, someone had eaten all of them." "To Oscar Martinez, It's the "Show Me The Money" award !" "Michael has taped every Dundies Awards, and now he's making me look through hours of footage to find highlights." "That's the type of song we're gonna play to the ladies, Hit it Dwight !" "A little bit of Pam, all night long." "A little bit of Angela, on the sing." "A little bit of..." "This is the part where Kevin stands in front of the camcorder all night." "It's great." " It was you." " It wasn't me, I swear." "So what's the joke ?" "You're not perfect either !" " We're not laughing at you Dwight !" " So who are you laughing at ?" " Just something somebody wrote." " Who ?" "Dave Barry ?" "No, no." "That was just something that was written on the ladies room wall." "What is it ?" "Who wrote it ?" " It's kind of private," " It's about Michael !" "That is defacement of company property, so you'd better tell me." "Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less." " Ok, now I'm laughing at you !" "Will her highness Jan Levinson Gould be descending from her corporate throne this evening to visit us lowly serfs here," "Dunder Mifflin Scranton ?" " It's a two and a half hour drive from New York Michael." " Well, you could take the bus, you could work on the way here, sleep on the way home." " No." "Come on Jan this is important, I mean, this is validation to my employees here that you and corporate approved of this." "We don't approve of this Michael." "You only have the budget for one office party a year so, we're not paying for this." " Are you here ?" " Yeah, I'm here, I just wanted to talk to you for a second about that." "What..., what is..., I mean, come on Jan !" "You're dropping a A-bomb on me here !" " Really ?" "I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you." " Well, yeah, what is... no you can't !" " You already had a party on May 5th for no reasons ?" "No reasons ?" "It was the 05-05-05 party !" " And you also had a..." " It happens once every billion years !" " And the tsunami relief fund raiser with somehow lost a lot of money" "Ok, no that was a fun raiser, I think I made that very clear on the flyers." "Fun, F-U-N." "... don't have a tsunami Fun raiser, Michael." " Well..." "I think a lot of people were very affected by the footage." "It's a little character I like to do." "It is loosely based on Karnack, one of Carson's classic characters." "We got... the PLO, the IRA and the hot-dogs stand behind the warehouse." "Name 3 businesses that have better healthcare plans than Dunder Mifflin." "Here's the problem :" "There is no open bar because of Jan, and it's the reason why comedy clubs have a 2-drink minimum." "We'll be fine." "I just wish people gonna be drunk." " Dwight get out of here what are you doing into ladies room...?" " No no no, it's not what you're..." " Why were you in there ?" " You are a pervert !" " What were you doing in there ?" " You are a pervert !" " I am not !" "The Dundee award, for longest engagement, goes to Pam Beesly, Pam everybody !" "When will that girl gonna be married ?" "That's what I have to say" " Oh Roy's accepting ?" " Yes." "Thank you, you have any words you'd like to say, at Pam's behalf ?" " We'll see you next year !" " Yeah !" "Oh nuts !" "Oh gosh !" " I'm not changing that, that's the best one." " No it's hilarious, you're right." "I just think, world's on disengagement, we're all expecting it you know ?" "That's why it's funny, every year that Roy and Pam don't get married it gets funnier !" "Well I think if you use the same jokes it just comes across as lazy." " Ow, lazy !" "Excuse me, everyone, can I have your attention please ?" "I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible." "Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall." "Having a bathroom is a privilege, it is called a ladies-room for a reason, and if you cannot behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a bathroom." " You're taking away our bathroom ?" " We are going to have 2 men rooms." " But where would we go ?" " Be prepared to hold it folks, from 9 AM..." " Michael ?" " Yes ?" "Dwight is banning us from our bathroom." " Ok, well that's ridiculous, just don't..." "I don't have time for this right now." " There needs to be repercussions to people's behavior..." " Don't don't talk don't touch stop it oddment !" " Ok, look I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about the Dundies this year, how there is no money, and how there is no food, and how the jokes are really bad." "But what the hell everybody ?" "I mean, god the Dundies are about the best, in every one of us." "Can't you see that ?" "I mean... ok, we can do better, so, tonight, for the first time," "We are inviting all of your friends and family to attend the awards with us." " Yes !" " Yeah, not bad right ?" "So let's make this best Dundies ever !" "Best Dundies ever !" "Welcome to eighth annual Dundies awards !" "Before we get started, a few announcements :" "Keep your acceptance speeches shorts," "I have wrap it up music and I'm not afraid to use it, Devin." "The Dundies, how can I explain it ?" "A word to auto mated," "You've all made it You had a was, you work so hard" "You fell a no, no This isn't just a name" "AndnowtheN-O  And he's been says Hello" "Cut, come on !" "The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there, but the kid's having a really good time, so, you're kind of there." "That's kind of what it's like." "... Dundee, you wanted that Dundee..." " The waitress tripped on the cord." " All right, joke'o'landed, so we are here," "Thank you all for coming, to the 2005 Dundee Awards," "I am your host, Michael Scott, and I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive, because you may hit a bump, and spill the drink." "All the flotties on the group tab." "No, actually this year no group tab we're gonna be doing separate checks !" " You said we could bring our families." " I did, and why didn't you Stanley ?" " I did, my wife's name is Terry." " Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Terry." "It's this person whose hand I'm holding Michael." "Oh yeah !" " Shut it !" "Good, speaking of relationships, of all way shapes and forms," "I was out on a very very hot date last night with a girl from HR Dwight." " Really ?" "We don't have any girls from HR." " Know that, for the sake of the story." "And things were getting hot and heavy," " Yeah - and I was about to take her bra off," "Yeah !" "When she had me fill out six hours worth of paper work." " Like an AIDS test ?" " No... god." " All right." "So let's get this party started !" " Hey let's go to Poor Richard's." " Yeah, let's get out of here." " Guys, where are you going ?" " Just..." "Pam shows is getting started." " Sorry." " And now" " You're staying ?" " Yeah." "I have to eat somewhere." " The Busiest Beaver award goes to Phyllis Lapin !" "Way to go Phyllis !" "Nice work !" "Per usual !" " This says bushiest beaver." " What ?" "I told them busiest... idiots !" " It's fine," " Well we can fix it, we'll fix it up !" "You don't have to display that." " Because that's what happen every time !" " He's a jackass, every year !" " Come on, we're going to Poor Richard's." " No, I don't want go I don't want to !" "Pam !" "If you would have asked me that then you would know !" "Herro everybodeeee." "Hey !" "How are you ?" "I thought you'd left." "No, I decided to stay." "I'll just get a ride home from Angela." "Jan Levinson Gould !" " Good I'm just in time for Ping !" " Yeah" "You know what I'm talking about !" "Can I get a drink ?" "This next award goes to somebody who really lights up the office." "Somebody who I think a lot of us cannot keep from checking out." "The hottest, in the office award goes to..." "Ryan the temp !" "Here you go !" "What am I going to do with the award ?" "Nothing, I don't know what I'm gonna do." "That's the least of my concerns right now." "And the Tight Ass award goes to Angela, not only because she is everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has a great caboose !" " So come on down !" " No." "I think those might be empty." "No, no 'cause the ice melts, and then it's like second drink !" "Second drink ?" "The spicy curry award goes to our very own Kelly Kapoor !" "Get on up here !" "There you go !" " Spicy curry, what's that mean ?" " Not everything means something, this is a joke." " Yeah, but why did you give it to me ?" " I don't know, I'd just..." " This is a bowler !" " I know !" "They didn't have any businessmen so..." " Yeah but everyone else..." " Just sit down Kelly." "It's so freakin' hot in there." "now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia" "I got Dwight, sucking the funny out of room, but, you know, you do what you can do..." "here we go, he's early with the cue !" "Got to go !" "("Tiny Dancer"" " Elton John) - "You have won a tiny Dundie."" " Sing it Elton !" " Hey thanks guys !" " Hey where you guys from ?" " We has came from your mama's house." "Hey guys can I finish that ?" "Sing on a song dude !" "You know what guys we're just having a little office party so if you wanna..." " Hey !" "You know cool it guys !" " You suck man !" "You suck !" "Let's cut it !" "I've a few more Dundies to give out tonight, but I'm just gonna cut it short, and rapid up." "So everybody can enjoy their food." "Thanks for listening, those of you who listened." "This last Dundee is for Kevin, this is the "don't go in there after me" award, it's for the time that" "I went to the bathroom after him and it was really, really smelly, so." "Here you go." "Yeah Kevin, for Kevin, for stinking up the bathroom !" " Hey I haven't gotten one yet !" " Yes, I have not gotten one either !" "So keep going !" " More Dundies !" "Dundies !" " Dundies !" "All right, we'll keep 'em rolling." "This is the fine work award, this goes to Stanley, for all the fine work he did this year." "You know you did !" "Speech-speech-speech-speech" "Well, last year I got great work, so I don't know..." "I don't know what to think about this award, but at least I didn't get smelliest bowel movement like Kevin !" "And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesly," "I think we all know what award Pam is gonna be getting this year," "It is the whitest sneakers award, because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on !" "Get on down here !" "Pam Beesly ladies and gentlemen !" "Here we go !" "I have so many people to thank for this award !" "Ok, first off, my Keds, because I couldn't have done it without them, thank you." "Let's give Michael a round of applause for MC-ing tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks, and also because of Dwight too." "Finally I want to thank God, because God gave me this Dundee, and I feel God in this Chili's tonight." "Pam Beesly ladies and gentlemen !" "Ow, thank you !" "What a great year for the Dundies !" "We got to see Ping, and we learned Michael's true feelings for Ryan, which was touching." "And we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs, which for me, has ruined them for life !" " What ?" " Nothing." " Okay." " What ?" "I don't know, what ?" "Oh my god !" "You are so drunk !" "Did you get that ?" "Please tell me that you got, this is all gonna be on." " It's ok I'm a sheriff's deputy." " Well, he's volunteer !" "Don't get into that now." "We need something to caution her head, throw a pillow, a cush ?" " Dwight come on !" " I'm gonna use my shirt." " Get off of me !" " No !" " I'm sorry, sir, you gotta have to put your clothes back." "We're trying to eat..." "Was this year's Dundies a success ?" "Well, let me see :" "I made Pam laugh so hard that she fell out of her chair and she almost broke her neck." "So I killed, almost !" "Oh my god !" "I just wanna say that this was the best Dundies ever !" "We have a strict policy here, not oversunk." "Apparently this young woman was sneaking drinks off other people's tables." "Eyes at her officer driver's license and she is not welcome at this restaurant chains ever again !" " Great work tonight !" " Watch your step !" "Excellent." "Thanks, I do check her pupils to make sure that wasn't a concoction." "Yes that too but I mean with the audio, great work !" "I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall." "No you don't." "Oh, here she is." "Careful." "All right, easy." "Almost there." " Hey hum, can I ask you a question ?" " Shoot." " I just wanted to say thanks." " That's not really a question." "Ok let's get you home, come." " Good bye." " Good night, have a good night." "Thank you Angela !"