"# Commentary!" "#" "# Commentary!" "#" "# Fasten your seatbelts, it's a commentary!" "#" "# Everyone loves these making-ofs, # # the story behind the scenes #" "# The way that we got that one cool shot # # and what it all means #" "# We'll talk about the writing #" "# We'll probably say, "It's great!" #" "# And the acting - so exciting #" "# Except for Nate #" "I phoned it in" "# Commentary!" "#" "# Commentary!" "#" "# Set course for wonder, it's a commentary!" "#" "# Bring back the cast, we'll have a blast # # discussing days of yore #" "# Moments like these sell DVDs #" "# We need to sell more #" "# We've only sold four #" "# We'll tell you which jokes were Joss's #" "# Maurissa's #" "# Or Jed's #" "# Or Zack's #" "# We won't have those awkward pauses... #" "# And you'll be dazed by the haze of blazing praise #" "# Arrays of ways to rephrase "Those were the days!"#" "# Laid on so thick it'll make you sick #" "# That's the trick to all these #" "# Commentaries #" "# Commentary!" "Here comes the insight!" "#" "# It's a film-maker's journey!" "It's a road to adventure!" "#" "# It's a burst of fruit flavor!" "It's a most uncommon commentary!" "#" "# Commentary!" "#" "Thanks for coming over, everybody" "I just know we can pull together and make this the best musical commentary ever" "You said it Jed" "Thanks Neil" "Boy, it sure better be the best ever, because we've used up an entire song and we're only halfway through the first shot." "We're not gonna make it!" "We've got nothing to say." "We're all gonna die!" "Nathan!" "Get a hold of yourself" "We'll be fine." "We have so many fascinating insights to sing about." "Why don't you start, Felicia?" "I don't discuss my process." "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "I have a question!" "An Internet musical is a wacky idea that's zany!" "Where did it come from?" "It came from pain." " Let's not talk to Joss." " He's sad and confusing." "It actually come from solidarity." "Does anyone remember the writers' strike of last year?" "Um, what's the writers do?" "I don't..." "Dateline September 2007." "Things are looking grim in the negotiations between the writers and the studios." "AMPTP spokesman Nicholas Counter says quote "I will grind the writers guild into a fine paste, snort it up my nose and cut it with baby powder and sell it to underprivileged kids end" quote." " That's unfair!" " We got to act!" "# When you start negotiations with integrity and patience # # and they just cry "battle stations!" What's to like?" "#" "# When you ask a small amount and then encounter counter's counter #" "# And the deal is tantamount to "take a hike" #" "# You can't sit around with your head in the sand you pull it out, you stand up and you strike #" "# When you hear their lawyers talking saying our behavior's shocking #" "# It's convincing as a cockney dick van dyke #" "# When they leave the town unstable then they come back to the table #" "# And say "now we should able– kidding!" "psych!" #" "# We ask them for bread and get "let them eat cake" They figure a stomach ache will break the strike #" "# So strike, for all the writers Strike, for a living wage #" "# Until these wrongs are righted We won't write another page #" "# Wipe off that smile – the style is bile And rage is all the rage #" "# As the fall turns into winter #" "# There appears a bunch of splinter groups who wonder what this internet is like #" "# While the tide is turning tepid and the town is feeling trepidacious #" "# Time for us to step up to the mic!" "#" "# We've got all these dynamite plots to use It's time to light the fuse or lose the strike #" "And lose we did, impressively" "# Slunk back to our offices declaring victory #" "# If you need your residual, why did you all agree #" "# I'm proud I walked the line with writers, fans and friends of mine #" "# But now I ask what was it finally about #" "# And years from now I'll tell my tyke just what it feels like to strike... out #" "Say, that's a fascinating piece of information" " If you're a boring person" "I never knew a song could feel so much like a really really long history class." "Maybe it's time we heard from the actors." "I'm an actor!" "Maybe I should go first." "No, I was referring to the good actors." " Neil, why don't you step back just a second?" " You know what?" "Why don't you step up?" " How about Felicia?" " I don't discuss my process, Zack!" " E-Excuse me?" " Uh, what, honey?" "I'm sorry, it's - it's my turn." " And you are...?" " Stacy." " And I would know you from...?" " Groupie Number 2" "I have a solo now." "That makes little or no sense." "Tell you what, why don't you sit in the corner, over there by Steve," " and if we have time left over" " Joss...?" "No!" "Yeah, I" " I" " I think she should sing." "She's young, up-and-coming." " merica would want to know what Tracy's" " Stacy ... all about." "It's good for the whole team." "For the family." "This is about family!" " How much did you pay him?" " Ten dollars." "I was going to share." "# They think I'm no one #" "# I don't have a name #" "# But i want to live forever..." "Just like in "fame" #" "# (But not as depressing:" "I hear the remake is better) #" "# Two weeks in the business #" "# Still got no breaks #" "# The people all say I'll never have what it takes #" "# But I can't lose I've paid my dues #" "# Ten dollar solo #" "# Worth every dime #" "# My path is so steep But my god Joss is cheap # # and doesn't mind wasting your time #" "# See the Bad Horse Chorus Jump into frame #" "# They tell me I'm not ready to get in the game #" "# But I'll show them My ATM #" "# Ten dollar solo #" "# Not bad so far #" "# There's internal rhyme, although not every instance #" "# And the meter is occasionally a little bit bizarre #" "# They say Hollywood is heartless #" "# And only the strongest survives #" "# But I like it plenty." "I gave Joss a twenty. #" "# And got back a dream and two fives #" "# So here comes my... #" "# Ten dollar solo – solomente baby!" "#" "# No, this is my scene #" "# I've seen your scene #" "# You're wonderful, Neil But Joss made me a deal #" "# Suck it – I gave him fifteen... yeah, yeah, yeah!" "#" "#" " Ten dollar lame-o" " Are those the words now?" "#" "#" " How could I know" " How could I know #" "# That Joss pays his debt With this cheesy duet #" "# When you stoop so low Then you say so long..." "Solo #" "Was... it something I did?" "Yeah, let's all cry for the white girl who got a solo for no reason." "Maurissa!" "Don't use our bedroom voice!" "Joss, that song had no content." "It wasn't even about the movie." "It was about itself." "That's like breaking the ninth wall." "It's pointless." "Maybe this whole thing is pointless." "Maybe we should just" "You know, while you're all jibber-jabbering, I'm watching the screen, and do you know what I see?" "Not me!" "And this isn't the first not-me scene I've noticed." "Oh, this is the one we were supposed to do at Universal, but we ran out of daylight and we stuck it in an alley." "And we had Chinese food that day, but not Chinese food from Chinatown, even though we were in Chinatown." "It made my stomach grumbly." "But the traffic covered it." "And Neil was so cute and blinky even..." "I don't discuss my process!" "Oh, I know!" "Neil's the star!" "Cute little Neil!" "Well, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna sing it:" "# Hey, ladies!" "#" "# Sit down, relax. #" "# I got a story to tell... #" "# Every night I lie awake with sorrow in my chest #" "# I think of NPH and wonder, "Is he getting rest?" #" "# Does he know each second, he's only second best?" "#" "# Tossing in his bed What's he wearing?" "Dread?" "#" "# I'm better, better than Neil #" "# In so many ways it's almost unreal #" "# Oh, sure, he can sing and piggies can squeal #" "# It's not a big deal I'm better #" "# So he was out on Broadway while I was on the soaps #" "# Who's got the high score on Ninja Ropes?" "#" "# Who's got a bullet-proof car like the Pope's?" "#" "# Look at Neil mackin' So sad he's so lacking' #" "# He makes seven figures and gets Emmy nods #" "# I make seven-layer bean dip of the gods #" "# I'm also in Halo 3." "What are the odds?" "#" "# Now my ears are ringin' 'Cause all the girls are singin' #" "# I'm better, better than Neil #" "# At so many things it's hard to conceal #" "# Oh, sure, he does magic" " Magic's not real!" "#" "# How dumb do you feel?" "I'm better than Neil!" "#" "# Neil played a kid doctor." "Well, so did I, dude!" "#" "# But I was much younger and totally nude #" "# Neil kept that white coat on." "Great, doctor Prude!" "#" "# Look, there Felicia goes!" "Another deal you couldn't close #" "# Yeah I wink at a woman, she needs a drink - stat!" "#" "# She knows I get everything I'm aiming at #" "# Except for the pope car, I lied about that #" "# But at least I'm not prone to singing alone #" "# Look at his smallness compared to my tallness #" "# My porcelain-dollness My port-in-a-squallness #" "# My kids-in-the-hallness My Pink-Floyd's-The-Wallness #" "# My three-parts-of-Gaulness My just all-in-allness #" "# My wonderful me-ness My hammer - the pe- -opie can tell #" "# That I'm awfully swell While Neil has a weird smell #" "# I'm just saying:" "Purell!" "#" "# I'm better, better than Neil at - where do I start?" "#" "# Romantic appeal!" "#" "# We both went for Penny and who copped a feel?" "#" "# The true man of steel!" "#" "# I'm better than Neil.#" "# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "I'm better than Neil #" "# Just jumped off a moving automobile #" "# He plays with his phone while tires they squeal #" "# It's my scene to steal I'm better than Neil #" "# It's me!" "I'm better than Neil!" "#" "Nathan!" "Are you trying to say- What are you trying to say there?" "Nothing!" "That's just an old... sea shanty my mother used to sing to me." "My pirate mother." "Oh." "For a minute there, it sounded like you were" "It's a shanty!" "Songs can hurt like a fist." "Life isn't a competition, tiny." "The only question you have to ask yourself is, "How good a Joey Buchanan was I?"" "A man's Buchananity is what separates him from reptiles and lawn furniture." "You know, I'd like to hear from Felicia." "Or any other living being on the planet." "Well, my internet series, The Guild was one of the inspirations for Doctor" "Nobody cares about that!" " Well, I mean, The Guild, it's just a small part" " No!" "Seriously." "El no ey care-o!" "I have dozens of loyal fans!" "And baker's dozens!" "...They come in thirteens." "Look at the screen." "Here you all are singing together." "Felicia, what's going through your head?" " Art!" " As in...?" "Lofty... art-ness." "I certainly wasn't thinking about how cute Nathan is." "Are you sure?" "# When I first meet Hammer I stumble and stammer #" "# 'Cause that's what it says to do in the script #" "# But whenever I would practice, that was just an act- this is all so real- he's so well equipped!" "#" "# Falling into Nathan's eyes is easy I don't even realize he's cheesy #" "# 'Cause, jeez, he's so great!" "#" "# Wait..." "But it's not about Nate!" "Gotta concentrate!" "#" "# 'Cause I'm looking for internal truth and not a date!" "No, it's not about Nate!" "#" "# 'Cause it's all about the art!" "#" "# Perfect, mysterious, comes from above Magic as a magic thing and lovely as love #" "# A gift from Olympus, who send me the muse..." "And shoes #" "# If I walk with a twitch in the scene in the kitchen First-date jitters aren't to blame #" "# 'Cause all Penny feels are these nine-inch heels #" "# Which are gonna make me fall and die and aren't in frame #" "# But my death-scene pumps are really dreamy #" "# Right when Billy dumps my corpse, it's steamy. #" "# To see me all- wait!" "#" "# Oh, I'm sorry!" "I lost my train of thought!" "I'm being such a bimbo!" "#" "# But it's not about shoes even if they're sweet #" "# They should focus on my tragedy and not my feet #" "# No, it's not about shoes when it's all about the art #" "# Memory, method, primal and deep #" "# All Stanislavsky, Strasberg and Streep Truth, Mr. Lipton, that's how you build The Guild #" "# But it's not about The Guild I'd be killed if I shilled for The Guild on somebody else's time #" "# Then again, I sort of was killed #" "Felicia!" "# Catch Guild fever!" "#" "# My tortured actor's process:" "Stand here and do what Joss says #" "# Remember that it's not about... #" "# The weird beard on Otto." "The beer and clamato#" "# The hair in the cheese and The Guild's second season #" "# And Brand New Day Neil, that intro's unreal #" "# A horse - not too shabby Now steady's all crabby #" "# The soldier-boy extra Good times" " No, I'll text ya!" "#" "#The Red Bull Neil's drinking I'm dead and I'm blinking #" "# And Joss's ungluing, when I mention pooing Which I'm always doing #" "# I mean, mentioning pooing..." "I mean, art!" "#" "# Art #" "# Art #" "# Art's really easy #" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Aha." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yes." "Aha." "Um, I'm not sure." "Two-thirty?" "Three?" "Whatever's easiest." "Zack!" "Get off the phone!" "# Right..." "I don't do songs, I'm all about the written word #" "# And you should see me write graffiti, concrete's preferred #" "# There's nothing worse than hearing verse sung like a tweety bird #" "# Unless it's screamin' 'cause I've beaten up a theater nerd #" "# Or haven't you heard- I'm the black sheep in a band of brothers#" "# Who sit around singing showtunes Giving back rubs to each other #" "# You make a musical, don't matter if it's witty or pretty #" "# That's a one-way ticket to Buttkicked City Where you all are permanent residents #" "# Do you need a little more evidence?" "#" "# Dr. Horrible - hey, that sounds kinda dark and cool #" "# Sing-along blog - what the f*** is this?" "Preschool?" "#" "# Zacky's doing us a little favor #" "# Blessing Commentary!" "with his flavor #" "# Don't tell him it's a musical #" "# 'Cause then he might kill us all #" "# Zacky's doing us a little favor #" "# Blessing Commentary!" "with his flavor #" "# That's right #" "# Don't tell him it's a musical #" "# 'Cause then he might kill us all #" "# You people are in freefall, straight into a cheeseball #" "# I get a message, please call my bookie buddy, he's all - #" "# "What the hell is up with you up on Hulu?" "#" "# Thought we were laying low after that hooker snafu!" #" "# I said, "Hey, listen, you just misunderstood!" "#" "# I got to get in on this web sh** while the gettin's good #" "# I didn't know there were songs, that sh** makes me sick #" "# My brother said it's about a guy who kills some chick #" "# Hey, weren't you the prince in "The King and I" in seventh grade?" "#" "# No, but I was backstage in the dark, getting laid #" "# Weren't you Pigpen in that Charlie Brown show we did?" "#" "# No, I just wandered on stage during my homeless period #" "# Didn't you sing about the business in "Annie Get Your Gun"?" "#" "# Is that what that was?" "I've been tanked up since ninety-one #" "# Weren't you the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz or something?" "# # ...yeah, but I played the f*** out of that part. #" "# Zacky's doing us a little favor #" "# Blessing Commentary!" "with his flavor #" "# Don't tell him it's a musical #" "# 'Cause then he might kill us all #" "# Come on!" "#" "# Zacky's doing us a little favor #" "# Blessing Commentary!" "with his flavor #" "# Don't tell him it's a musical #" "# 'Cause then he might kill us all #" "# I wrote all the good lines and I made them funny #" "# But I was only in it for the horrible money #" "# Plus some were cut out 'cause Joss is such a wuss #" "# He cut my line for the girl, "The penny is my pussy." #" "# Not to mention my whole Moist storyline #" "# Where he gets caught selling blow at a rest stop and serves time #" "# And then he gets out and tries to get his sh** together # # and teaches art to underprivileged kids at the local high school, # # # but things take an interesting turn when an old gambling buddy comes to collect. #" "# See, it's his former life coming back to haunt him. #" "# You can't outrun your past. #" "# See?" "Get it?" "That's the point, Joss!" "#" "# It's compelling!" "#" "# What's going to happen to these kids?" "#" "# Zacky's doing us a little favor #" "#" " Yes!" " Blessing Commentary!" "with his flavor #" "#" " I agree!" " Don't tell him it's a musical #" "# - 'Cause then he might kill us all" " Come on!" "#" "#" " Zacky's doing us a little favor" " Sure!" "#" "#" " Blessing Commentary!" "with his flavor" " You go!" "#" "# Don't tell him it's a musical 'Cause then he might kill us all #" "#" " That's a funky beat!" " Zacky's doing us a little favor #" "#" " Blessing Commentary!" "with his flavor" " Zack!" "#" "# Don't tell him it's a musical 'Cause then he might kill us all #" "#" " I'm the youngest!" " Zacky's doing us a little favor #" "# Blessing Commentary!" "with his flavor #" "# Don't tell him it's a musical 'Cause then he might kill us all #" " Hey, guys!" "How's it going?" " Hey, Simon!" " What's he doing here?" " What's up?" "I was just wondering if I could maybe sing my song now." "I know it was technically cut out, but" "Yeah" "I don't know, I understand, with the time-slot on the internet that- that there wasn't time - but I really - I have a lot of demons that I'd love to get out" "Go for it." "# Nobody wants to be moist A bunch of overactive pores #" "# I struggle opening doors And I lose every tug of war #" "# Nobody wants to be wet Though sweet soul I do secrete #" "# Can't make damp fingers snap to the beat #" "# The microphone is dripping My baritone is slipping #" "# A rhyme into this line I'll have to foist #" "# Nobody wants to be moist #" "# Nobody wants to be moist #" "# Though on the dance floor I glide #" "# On stairs I'm petrified (That's how Harry Wismer died) #" "# Nobody wants to be soaked #" "# Though it is with a graceful ease I deduce in which way blows the breeze #" "# Oh, sure, I have the power To make paste from a powder #" "# But last time I did that, no one rejoiced #" "# Nobody wants to be moist #" "# What's that, Mom?" "I have to solo?" "Okay. #" "# A man so ancillary My little song is buried #" "# Not till the commentary is it voiced #" "# Nobody wants to be (yeah) Nobody wants to be" " Nobody wants to be moist #" "How come Simon gets to play his own piano solo?" "I haven't even had a song yet!" " You always were jealous of Simon." " Jealous?" "Ha!" "Deny it all you want." "No, no, I thought you were joking." "That's just how I laugh" "Jed, these guys are ruining the musical." "Did they ever get along?" "Yeah!" "Can't we just all hug?" "...I mean, hmmm... what up, bitches?" "There was one thing that brought us all together." "Neil, Nathan and I were like best friends that day, remember, guys?" " Best friends?" "Ha!" " I thought we were friends..." "No, we are friends." "That was a good day." "That's just how I laugh." "We really were best friends, Zack!" " I'm Jed." " And you always will be." "# There's a game on my phone #" "# That I sometimes like to play when I'm alone #" "# Go to Google, type it in #" "# Click the extreme edition #" "# And in moments you'll begin and you'll be thinking #" "# "This is dope!" Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# We did not get along #" "# I thought Neil was given far too many songs #" "#" " Both threw insults at each other" " Told you how I f***ed your mother #" "# But what made us tight as brothers and forever, one would hope #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Careful as you hurtle from one circle to the next #" "# Sometimes double back to dodge the gravity vortex #" "# Two ropes is the key to keep from wheeling way too far #" "#" " Nathan holds the record" " One nineteen point seven yards #" "# Now the shoot is complete #" "# And into our separate lives we do retreat #" "# But instead of Solitaire #" "# Sinking deep into despair #" "# It reminds us the connection that we share and helps us cope #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# You've got just one life to fly and dive from place to place #" "# Don't ask why a ninja can survive in outer space #" "# Friends say, "Hey, man, can I have a go?" #" "#And I say, "Nope"#" "# Simple in its gameplay and yet epic in its scope#" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes #" "# Ninja Ropes (Swing the little man so he can fly so high) #" "#Ninja Ropes #" "# I love Ninja Ropes I love Ninja Ropes." "Ninja Ropes #" "Wow, a really long fake guitar solo." "Aren't you guys forgetting something?" "Like the rest of the ensemble?" "What is an ensemble?" "It's just "assembly" spelt like in France." "This was a team effort, you know." "Come on in, guys!" "# Here's a tale as old as time and tide #" "# A simple girl, a wanderer Who grew up starry-eyed #" "# You see me for an instant, you see everything inside #" "# No matter what the movie tries to hide #" "# It's all about me #" "# It's all about me #" "# It's groupie number one #" "#" " Groupie number two" " It's groupie number three #" "# And if I had the screentime I deserved, you'd see #" "# It's all about me #" "# Here's a tale that can be told at last #" "# Of desks that must be sat behind and news that must be cast #" "#" " The moment is so fleeting" " But our talent is so vast #" "# Those so-called stars are hopelessly outclassed #" "# It's all about me #" "# It's all about me #" "# With all the latest breaking headlines on this tragedy #" "# And if I had the screentime I deserve, you'd see #" "# It's all about me #" "# They call me moving guy Because I move the audience to tears #" "#" " We're not just chorus boys" " We've got a story arc and frothy beers #" "# They'll never know how much I gave The film is locked, the door is shut #" "# They wouldn't give me final cut But what you'd see #" "# Is all about me #" "# It's all about me #" "# It doesn't matter where I'm listed on IMDB #" "# It's last, but in the meantime I think you'll agree #" "# Finally #" "# It's all about Not them (Oh, no, not them) #" "# Not them (Not them, not them, not them) #" "# Not them (Pay no attention to them) #" "# Not them (They're not the stars, I am) (I am) #" "Wow, I guess I never saw it from the perspective of people who don't matter!" "But Maurissa." "You co-wrote the movie." "Why not just make yourself Penny, instead of monkey-face?" " I'm standing right here!" " With a face like a monkey." "Well, that's really funny if someone doesn't have a vestigial tail." "It's okay." "I didn't want the part of Penny anyway." "Really?" "What do you mean?" "Yeah, tell Neil what you mean!" " What do you mean?" " I don't look like a monkey!" "What do you mean?" "# I wrote all Penny's lines and her song, you know #" "# I even sang her part up on the demo #" "# But when it's time to cast the show #" "# Did they want somebody yellow?" "Hell no!" "#" "# No #" "# Nobody's Asian in the movies Nobody's Asian on TV #" "# If there is a part there for us It's the groupie in the chorus #" "# That's me #" "# I begged and I pleaded "Please don't pass me by!" #" "# They say, "Hey, give us a hand!" Go and stand in the back with that fat guy #" "# My role, though be it brief, at least It isn't Viet Cong, it's comic relief #" "# Nobody's Asian in the movies Nobody's Asian on TV #" "# If there is a part there for us #" "# It's a ninja, a physician." "Or a goofy mathematician. #" "# Or a groupie in the chorus That's me #" "# Who do they want before they want an Asian?" "A Mexican #" "# Who do they want before they want an Asian?" "A black #" "# Who do they want before they want an Asian?" "#" "# A Persian, or a Cajun, or an Indian." "Or an American Indian played by a Mexican #" "# Or if you're lucky someone Asian." "Like me #" "But Maurissa, movies couldn't even be made without Asians." "We need them to play the parts we're not willing to!" "You're right, Jed!" "# Without the Asians in the movies Without the Asians on TV #" "# Who'd play the goofy mathematician?" "The computer technician?" "#" "# A wise old healer from Japan?" "A short but wealthy businessman?" "#" "# Sell Korean groceries?" "Do your laundry, thank you, prrease?" "#" "# We're the victims of a crime We'll be loving you long time #" "# If your movie is a bore, just watch the groupie in the chorus #" "# That's me #" "I guess my parents will be proud of me after all." "What does your dad do again?" "Oh!" "He's a nerdy, funny scientist." "Isn't your dad a transpo guy?" "Oh, like an Asian could do that!" "I'm gonna go in the corner and play my violin and... math!" "I tried to warn you." "The truth never helps anyone." "Joss, don't start!" "# A caveman painted on a cave #" "# It was a bison, was a fave The other cave-people would rave #" "# They didn't ask "Why?" Why paint a bison if it's dead?" "#" "# When did you choose the color red?" "What was the process in your head?" "#" "# He told their story What came before he didn't show #" "# We're not supposed to #" "# Homer's Odyssey was swell A bunch of guys that went through hell #" "# He told the tale but didn't tell the audience why #" "# He didn't say, "Here's what it means And here's a few deleted scenes #" "# Charybdis tested well with teens" He's not the story #" "# He's just a door we open if our lives need lifting #" "# But now we pick pick pick pick pick it apart #" "# Open it up to find the tick tick tick of a heart #" "# A heart, broken #" "# It's broken by the endless loads Of making-ofs and mobisodes #" "# The tie-ins, prequels, games and codes The audience buys #" "# The narrative dies." "Stretched and torn Hey, spoiler warning #" "# We're gonna pick pick pick pick pick it apart #" "# Open it up to find the tick tick tick of a heart #" "# A heart, broken #" "# Joss, why do you rail against the biz?" "#" "# You know that's just the way it is You're making everybody miz #" "# These out-of-date philosophies Are for the dinner-table, please #" "# We have to sell some DVDs #" "# Without these things you spit upon #" "# You'd find your fame and fanbase gone #" "# You'd be ignored at Comic-Con #" "# I sang some things I didn't mean Okay, let's talk about this scene #" "# I think it's great how Ryan Green- #" "# Oh, this is no good I thought J-Mo would back my play #" "# Now Zack and they all say #" "# We're gonna pick pick pick pick pick you apart #" "# Open you up and stop the tick tick tick of a heart #" "# A heart... #" "Goodbye!" "Great." "Good." "Everybody out!" "I'm not producing a commentary with crappy commentators!" "I'm gonna go hang out with people that understand me in Koreatown!" "Uh, guys?" "# Have they all gone?" "#" "# Yes!" "It's Neil's turn!" "#" "# No more writers to whine Now the whole show is mine!" "#" "# No more Nathan With his bean dip #" "# Say goodnight, Frankenstein 'Cause it's my turn to shine #" "# I can do all of their jobs!" "#" "# I can just play with these knobs and I'll sound fine!" "#" "# It's a one-man Like Hal Holbrook #" "# Like that showcase for Liza It's "Neil" with an I #" "# Hey, Felicia!" "You were great, kid." "But you just had to die 'cause there's no "team" in "I"!" "#" "# I'll sing my own harmonies!" "I'll go as low as I please!" "#" "# Or I'll go high #" "# Welcome, everybody, to my commentary I've got so much talent, it's a little scary #" "# Is my every random thought insightful?" " Very!" "#" "# Not just entertaining:" "I'm a luminary #" "# I'll charm the chicks - "Are those things real?" "Ha!" #" "# Do magic tricks - "Was it the three of clubs?" "Ho!" #" "# Lay down some tap #" "# And I can rap #" "# My name is Neil and I'm here to say... #" "# No, I can't rap #" "# That was painful." "Let's move on to the part where I talk about art #" "# Look at that shot We used cameras #" "# There's a boom guy in frame - he was great - what's his name?" "#" "# W-What was his name?" "#" "# What should I say?" "#" "# The choices are endless #" "# And here I am at last, alone and friendless #" "# No, I'm not friendless!" "I've got some friends!" "#" "# They'll be here when this ends!" "If this ends... #" "# What do I say?" "#" "# What does this switch do?" "It turns out the lights #" "# Now it's dark and I'm lost and alone #" "# And what's with all these chords?" "#" "# What's with all these weird chords?" "!" "#" "# Somebody help!" "#" "# Somebody say cut!" "#" "# Somebody say... action!" "#" "# Somebody say something!" "#" "# I'm so afraid!" "#" "# Somebody say cut!" "#" "# I'm so alone... #" "Neil?" "Felicia?" "You're not alone." "You're just kind of a douche." " We're here with you, Neil." " Even me!" "And we've resolved all our problems!" "Just like that?" "I thought you all" "We only have three seconds left." "Everybody be happy." "Yaaaay!" "# Hope you had fun 'Cause now we're done #" "# You've listened to every word #" "# Seeing it through Makes each of you #" "# A huge f***ing nerd #" "# But you're unfazed By the maze of craze malaise #" "# The lazy phrasing betrays how well this pays #" "# So here's a toast to who suffered most While we coasted through this #" "# Commentary!" "#" "# Commentary!" "#" "# Here's the big finish Where we build up the tension #" "# And we get really quiet Then we stop being quiet #" "# And repeat the title" " Commentary!" "#" "# Depressing shot. #" "# I'm still a bit suspicious why they asked me to be in this #" "# And, yes, my best guess is my S's #" "# My friends would never consciously exploit somebody's weakness #" "# They say my voice possesses a sweetness #" "# Jed texted me, said, "Commentary's coming #" "# Steve, would you please grace us with a song?" #" "# I heard the dulcet tones his hands were strumming #" "# I knew it's not this lisp It's been my talents all along #" "# Steve's song #" "# A showcase of my skills #" "# Steve's song #" "# Alive are these hills With Steve's song #" "# Steve's song #" "# Yes, yes, yes, yes #" "# Maurissa scoffed at my suggestion - Hammer needs a few more sweaters #" "# I still think six vests sounds much better #" "# But now I'm super nervous #" "# Since I'm standing in the studio #" "# Like Phil Collins singing Sussudio #" "# Su-su-su-sussudio #" "# And yes, on the horizon there's a sequel #" "# With some substantial bits for mister me #" "# It's evidence they see me as an equal #" "# I'm not groupie number seventy six thousand six hundred and six point seven six # # two three five niner squared - I'm three #" "# Steve's song #" "# A maestro on the rise #" "# Steve's song #" "# A nice pleasant surprise Is Steve's song #" "# Steve's song #" "# Steve's song #" "# Steve's song #" "# Steve's song #" "# Steve's song #" "# Yes, yes, yes, yes Yes, yes, yes, yes #" "# Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes Yes #" "# No. #"