"¶ One fine day with a woof and a purr ¶" "¶ a baby was born and it caused a little stir ¶" "¶ no blue bug and no three-eyed frog ¶" "¶ just a feline, canine, little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ out on the road or back in town ¶" "¶ all kind of critters putting catdog down ¶" "¶ got to rise above it, got to try to get along ¶" "¶ got to walk together, got to sing this song ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog. ¶ [captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education and nickelodeon]" "( Birds singing )" "( Horns honking )" "( Mud squishing )" "( Whimpering )" "( Mud squishing )" "( Yelps )" "Ow!" "Ooh, ow!" "( Engine huffs )" "( Sighs in relief )" "You know, dog it wasn't always like this." "In the old days, cats were revered..." "Respected..." "Treated like royalty!" "( Sighs )" "( Starts laughing )" "You're so funny, cat, you're a comedian!" "All right, fine, I'll prove it." "A little history lesson, dog." "Ah... ( Sneezes )" "( Grunting in disgust )" "( Cat sighs contentedly )" ""Cats through history..."" "( Whip cracks, followed by scream )" "( Whip cracks, scream )" "Mmm." "Mmm..." "This date is tart." "( Spits )" "I hate tart." "It offends my royal palate." "Sorry, royal cat." "It won't happen again." "( Sighs ) See that it doesn't." "Now, prepare my pedicure." "My, uh, cuticles have grown unkempt." "Yes, royal cat." "I'll do your nails, too." "How's a pharaoh supposed to rest in peace when his own tomb is in pieces?" "!" "Spread out!" "Oh, master!" "Oh, now, come on, now, pharaoh." "You're fit as fiddle!" "You'll be with us for a good long time." "Aw..." "Royal cat." "( Whimpering )" "You do love me, don't you?" "Yes, you do." "( Whispering ):" "Not particularly but this royal gig's too sweet to give up." "( Sighs )" "I feel weary." "I must nap." "Make sure the slaves get moving on my pyramid." "So it is written, so it shall be done." "( Feebly ):" "Very good." "Eeh, let's roll." "Okay, slavish ones." "The royal cat is up for some sand-skiing." "( Groaning )" "Faster, you lazy sumerians!" "( Groaning and grunting )" "I thought this is what they invented camels for." "Royal cat, how come i always have to be on the bottom?" "I mean, couldn't we take turns?" "Take... tur...?" "( Laughs heartily )" "That's, that's priceless!" "Oh, thank you, slave dog, oh!" "I needed a good laugh." "I'm serious." "Look, slave dog we've been over this a thousand times." "It's the royal order of things." "I'm in my place and you are in yours." "( Laughs )" "( Laughs harder )" "( Sniffling, weeping )" "Oh, I'm sorry..." "But this is..." "The greatest story..." "Ever told." "Well, i don't think it's so great." "And i think you're making the whole thing up." "Oh, really?" "Well, read it and weep." ""Royal cat..."" "Royal cat, that's me." "Yeah, that's you." ""Finished his sand-skiing" ""and he and the slaves headed back to the palace."" "( Dog grunting )" "We must do this again tomorrow." "Everyone check your schedules and chisel it in, say, noonish?" "( Grunting... ) ( Grunting... )" "( Sighs contentedly )" "It doesn't get much better than this." "( Grunts )" "Maybe it does..." "If you catch my drift." "What are you talking about, sand rodent?" "don't you get it?" "Once the pharaoh kicks somebody's going to have to run the show." "Well, sure, but i..." "Of course!" "I've got the noble bloodlines, the regal demeanor..." "Ooh, pharaoh cat." "Whoo!" "I like the sound of that." "( Pharaoh grunting )" "Shouldn't be too long, neither." "The old coot's already got one foot in the pyramid." "Pharaoh:" "Royal cat?" "Why is it taking them so long to finish?" "You know, it's hard to get good slave labor these days." "( Groans )" "It's just that the sooner my tomb gets built the sooner i can..." "Sleep the big sleep." "Cat:" "Hey, servants, the great rancidhotep needs a pyramid built!" "What's the hold-up here?" "Come on!" "But you had us sand-skiing..." "Ow!" "Slave dog, move those rocks or you, too, will face my wrath!" "No!" "Your reign of terror is over!" "Down with the royal cat!" "Others:" "Down with the royal cat!" "( All growling )" "No." "Royal cat loses, slave dog wins." "The end." "What?" "Give me that!" "( Laughs )" "Nice try, dog." "( Chuckling )" "Now, here's what it really says." "( Previous lines running backwards )" "And you, slave dog move those rocks or you too will face my wrath." "Yes, royal cat, at once if not sooner." "Excellent groveling." "Now, that's the spirit." "Remember, it's the royal order of things." "I am in my place..." "And i am in mine." "Exactly." "( Dog grunting )" "( Grunts )" "( Grunts )" "( Grunts )" "I did it!" "Me!" "By myself w-w-with these bare hands i built the pyramid all alone!" "I am a leader." "I am a ruler." "I am king!" "I... am..." "Pharaoh!" "( Echoing ):" "Pharaoh, pharaoh, pharaoh..." "So, what do you think of your tomb, rancidhotep?" "Oh, it's to die for!" "( Clang )" "( Sobbing ):" "Oh, why, why, why, why?" "( Sobbing )" "Okay, well, that'll be enough of that." "It's mummy time!" "Hup, hup, hup, hup, hyup!" "Ah... good idea." "Got to look all spiffy for my coronation as the new pharaoh." "( Feedback )" "Testing... one, two, three..." "Testing." "Now..." "let's give a great big fertile Crescent welcome to your new pharaoh..." "Me..." "( Yelps )" "Me, rancidhotep ii!" "Look, rancy, there's got to be some mistake." "Oh, there's no mistake." "You're going into the tomb with my uncle and all his other possessions." "Would you do the honors?" "Oh, with pleasure." "With great pleasure!" "Uh, uh, with them." "No!" "No, you can't do..." "Cease and desist." "( Yelling )" "( Grunts )" "Cat:" "What kind of lousy, stup..." "This is the worst story ever told." "But cat, that's not the end." "It gets worse." "Isn't this just great?" "Me and you, slave dog, locked in this tomb forever!" "Slave dog?" "Slave dog?" "( Yelling ):" "Oh... no!" "No!" "Let me out of here!" "Let me out!" "Slave dog." "I command you, let me out... now!" "Sorry, royal cat, it's like you said." "You have your place and i have mine!" "( Laughing )" "( Cat shrieking... )" "( Laughing )" "Hey, cat, what you doing?" "( Humming ) Writing in my diary." "Oh!" "What's a diary?" "( Sucks teeth )" "It is my private journal where, in private, i privately write down my private thoughts." "Oh, private!" "I want to see!" "No, dog." "Private means it's for my eyes only." "Do you write stuff about me in your diary?" "( Sighs ) Maybe... maybe not." "Oh, oh, let me read!" "Let me read!" "( Grunts )" "( Grunts )" "( Cat howls )" "Cat:" "Ow, ow, ow, ow!" "( Panting )" "( Yelling )" "Whoo-hoo!" "Cat:" "No, no, no, no, no, wait... ( Crashing )" "( Howls )" "don't, stop... don't you get it, dog?" "You never, ever, ever, ever, never read someone else's diary." "That's the rule." "Oh, okay, okay." "I want my own diary." "So much exciting things, i don't know where to start." "So, um, how's your, uh, diary coming?" "Fine, just fine." "( Humming )" "How do you spell "cat"?" "Capital "c"" "capital... hey!" "Are you writing about me?" "Maybe, maybe not." "Good night, cat." "( Snoring )" "( Grunts )" "( Snoring... )" "Let me see, now." ""Dear diary, my name is dog"" "blah, blah, blah." "( Snoring )" "Where's the good stuff, the dirt?" "( Murmuring )" "Uh... ( Murmuring )" "Cat?" "!" "Is that you?" "( Laughs nervously )" "Hey, what are you doing with my diary?" "Ah..." "You forgot to lock it." "So i... woke up to..." "Lock it for you." "Oh." "Thanks, cat." "You're welcome." "You always help me out." "( Laughs )" "'Night." "Yeah, well... ( Chuckling ):" "Yeah." "Good night." "( Snoring )" "Let me see..." "Here's my name." ""Cat is the most trustworthy person i know."" "What, that's it?" "What a lame diary." "Winslow:" "Hey, cat." "Could you say that again?" "I want to shoot it from a different angle." "( Chuckling )" "Give me that, you little twerp." "I think I'll hold onto it." "But I'll tell you what:" "You be my personal servant for a week and then I'll give you the tapesy-wapesy." "( Laughs )" "But that's blackmail!" "Yeah, i know." "Check this out." "It's pretty juicy stuff." ""Cat is the most trustworthy person i know."" "Maybe i ought to wake dog and give him a little screening." "( Snoring )" "No, no, please, winslow." "You can't show that to dog." "He'd never forgive me." "Then I'll see you first thing in the morning, servant boy." "( Laughing )" "( Yawning )" "Oh!" "Dear diary, i am now waking up." "( Ringing )" "What do you want?" "I'll have two eggs with a side of bacon and..." "Get it yourself." "Yoo-hoo." "( Gasps )" "Oh, no." "Would you like those eggs scrambled or sunny-side up?" "( Gobbling )" "( Bell ringing )" "Ah..." "( Bell ringing )" "Dear diary, i am now following cat who has a spiffy new outfit on." "( Growls )" "Well, what can i do for you, winslow?" "Eh?" "( Flatly ):" "Master winslow." "Oh, i got a little laundry for you to do." "( Flies buzzing )" "And i like my dainties hand-washed." "( Laughs )" "( Laughs )" "( Growling ):" "You..." "( Ringing )" "( Whistles )" "( Yelps )" "( All chatting )" "( Tweeting )" "( Bell ringing )" "Winslow:" "Oh, cat!" "( Bell ringing, gongs chiming )" "( Screaming )" "( Snoring )" "( Titters )" "Hmm... ( Beeps )" "( Clanging )" "Ah." "( Chuckles )" "( Snaps )" "( Howls )" "Ow... oh... ( Chuckling )" "Bingo." "( Groaning )" "( Laughs )" "Oh, cat." "Hey, move my barbells up to the attic..." "And then..." "Not today, rodent!" "Rodent?" "What happened to "your highness"?" "This." "And now it's time for some payback." "( Chuckling )" "Oh, yeah." "Oh." "( Both laughing )" "You... shouldn't be laughing." "What's so funny?" "That wasn't my only copy, you knucklehead." "And there's plenty more where these came from." "You've been a very bad cat, cat." "As punishment, I'm going to extend your servitude to..." "Let's see, today's Tuesday." "Wednesday... five years!" "( Laughing )" "( Squeaking )" "Dog:" "Gee, cat i love writing in my diary." "I never thought i had so many..." "Thoughts." "( Doorbell rings )" "( Dog barks, cat meows )" "Door!" "Hey, how's it going?" "What are you, nuts?" "Hey, catdog." "Hola, catdog." "( All shouting greetings )" "Let me guess:" "Your family." "Yeah, i invited some of the kinfolk over." "And they want their toes flossed, too." "What are you waiting for, pussycat?" "Chop, chop!" "No!" "I can't take the abuse anymore!" "It's... it's just not worth it." "I quit!" "Oh, really?" "( Grunting )" "( Muffled ):" "don't do that, don't do that!" "Cat, that is not very nice." "I thought you and winslow were friends." "Friends?" "What are you, insane?" "I hate his guts!" "Hey, hey, come on!" "I'm being chased in here." "I'm dinner!" "Listen, dog." "( Stammering )" "I have a confession to make." "I, uh, i... kind of... ( Winslow yelping ) ...read your diary." "( Gasps )" "You broke the diary rule?" "I know, i know, i know." "And it was a bad thing to do but winslow did a worse thing." "He, he blackmailed me and, and..." "Cat, how could you?" "I trusted you." "I, i, i..." "You betrayed me!" "Oh, dog, I'm..." "I'm just sorry." "Please, it was wrong of me to read your diary." "I'll do anything to make it up to you." "I'll do anything you say." "I'm so sorry." "( Sobbing )" "Anything... ( Panting )" "Oh, this is great, cat." "With you as my personal secretary i can do all the stuff i love to do and still keep a diary." "Okay, cat, now I'm running through the garbage cans." "You getting that?" "You getting that, cat?" "Now I'm going off the road." "( Grunting ) Oh, this is so fun." "Look, cat, cow pies!" "You getting that, cat?" "Yeah, I'm getting it, all right!" "¶ One fine day with a woof and a purr ¶" "¶ a baby was born and it caused a little stir ¶" "¶ no blue bug and no three-eyed frog ¶" "¶ just a feline, canine ¶" "¶ little catdog ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog ¶" "¶ out on the road or back in town ¶" "¶ all kind of critters putting catdog down ¶" "¶ got to rise above it, got to try to get along ¶" "¶ got to walk together, got to sing this song ¶" "¶ catdog... catdog... ¶" "¶ alone in the world was a little catdog... ¶ [captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education and nickelodeon ]" "¶ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ¶ [captioned by the caption center wgbh educational foundation]"