"Subs by Mothman" " Come on, come on." " All right." "Those are huge on you." "All right." "Feel that?" "Nah, not a thing." "This is gonna work great." "Now, run, rabbit." "All right, wait." "Give me a head start." "Steady." "Ow!" "Sock!" "Below the waist!" "What did you say?" "Sorry." "Let's try again." "Here." "This two-pants thing doesn't work!" "You sure about that?" "Come on, let's try again here." "Ow!" "Sock, you're making me mad!" "Wait." "Oh, my God!" " Mom!" "You're back!" " Hello, Sweetheart!" "Oh, God!" "Ribs, sweetie!" "Ribs!" "I'm sorry." "How was Vegas?" "Oh, Mom, did you see me shoot Ben in the butt?" "I did." "Good shootin', Bert." "Very good shot!" " Hey, Mrs. Wysocki." " Hey, Ben." "Um, Mom?" "Who's the, uh, cowboy?" "Um, Bert... there's something I have to tell you." "This is Morris... and we have some wonderful news." "Will you stop checking the time?" "Am I that boring?" "No!" "I told you I have to leave in ten minutes... or I'm gonna be super late." "You're definitely not boring." "I'll tell you when ten minutes is up." "What..." "Hey!" "Hey, what?" "Oh, my God." "This is beautiful!" "You were gonna give it to me as a present." "That is so sweet." "Yeah." "Yeah, you like it?" "I love it." "It's perfect." "Put it on." "Okay." "There you go." "Oh!" "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" "What's up?" "Sock, what are you doing?" "I need you to get rid of this, okay?" "Sock, are you all right?" "My mom came home from Vegas today." "You shot your mom with a BB gun?" "No, Sam, of course not." "I might have shot an Asian cowboy, though." "What?" "Yeah, and I think I punched him in the eye." "I don't know." "It's all a big blur!" "Will you rub my head?" "Yeah." "Thank you." "That feels good." "Sock, what the hell is going on?" "My mom got married... and now I have nobody except for you two." "Would somebody get me a six-pack?" "That's what my mom would have done." "Oh, hey, you're up." "Sock, why is my alarm clock... going off at 4:30 in the morning?" "Yeah, I couldn't sleep either." "But, um, since we're both awake, do you want to talk?" "Do we have to do this now?" "Can you believe she married a guy named Morris?" "Morris, Sam." "I mean, I don't even think he's a real cowboy." "You know, I mean... how long has she even known this guy, a week?" "Now she's suddenly gonna shack up with a total stranger." "Yeah, good idea, Mom." "She's absolutely gonna regret this." "Oh, blue tie." "Definitely better than the red." "Sometimes, if you love somebody enough... you got to let them hit rock bottom." "Even though I might want to kick Morris' ass... to the curb right now, I'm not gonna do it." "I'm gonna stand strong, and I'm gonna be firm." "Hello?" "You know, I mean, my mom and I are a team... and teammates do not go out and get married... behind each other's backs." "That's one thing I know." "So I'm gonna take the one thing away from her... she loves the most... me." "I'm not gonna move back in... until she admits she made a mistake." "I can't do it." "I can't work." "I'm too upset." "Sock, come on." "It'll be good for you." "It'll take your mind off of things." "Okay, but I need a push." "Sam, I'm a wall of misery, all right?" "You're gonna have to do a little better than that." "Let's go." "Sock!" "Oh, my God, Sock!" "Are you okay?" "Hey, did you just fly in here?" "Sam moved me with his mind." "The devil must be screwing with me." "I don't know." "What do you think it means?" "Might have something to do with the soul." "That was wicked." "Let's do it again." "Ben, help me with the tree." "Sam, get back over there." "Sam, get over there and do it again." "Hey, do you know where Sock is?" "I need him to fake a seizure for me." "That is an unusual request." "Yeah, well, Ted saw Sock fall into the Christmas tree." "He's terrified of a workman's comp lawsuit." "Terrified Ted is always a good time." "Sock's in housewares." "Great." "Thank you." "Oh, there's something about the sea air..." " you know?" " Yeah." "Maybe it's because all of life came from the sea." "It's primordial, clean, fresh." "It almost entirely covers up the stench... of that decomposing corpse down there." "Who is that?" "A vagrant, I think." "No one of consequence." "Where's its head?" "Removed, partially eaten by one Philip Carmona... hell's latest overachiever." " Eaten?" " Yeah." "In life, Carmona was a cannibal." "He had a predilection for eating the brains and the heart." "Ooh, Rachel" "That crazy love got you burnin'" "So the soul ate its heart, too." "No, I don't think so." "He got scared away." "Look, he always finishes his meals... and he always eats at night." "You just follow the corpse." "You'll find your soul." "Excuse me a moment." "Oh, Rachel, I'm a bitch" "To rock 'n' roll" "Yeah, yeah." "What's up?" ""You're Gonna Be Sorry When I'm Famous, Rachel."" ""Rachel, How Can You Date An Accountant?"" " Great titles, man." " Thanks." "They're about my ex." "Her name is Rachel." "Really?" "Not a nice girl, I take it." "She left me for following my dream." "That dream was rock 'n' roll." "Yeah." "You're probably drinking a lot more than usual." "You gotta numb the pain, bro." "Jerry Belvedere." "AR for Pop Blast Records." "Ryan Milner." "My stage name is Ryan." "No last name." "Ryan." "You know, Ryan, I bet you and I could make a deal... that'll be extremely beneficial to the both of us." "Uh, Mr. Belvedere?" "Can I talk to you for a second?" "What are you doing?" "What does it look like?" "You're setting that guy up so you can buy his soul." " Duh, Sam." " Come on." "Just leave him alone." "He's pathetic enough as it is." "Oh, wow." "Sammy, you know, maybe you're right." "If I'm hearing you correctly... you're basically calling me a morally bankrupt, evil being." "Yes, more or less." "Then this makes perfect sense." "Hey, uh, I gotta get going." "Wait." "Is that her?" "Cady?" "Yeah, yeah." "She was just..." "We're gonna hang out." "Okay." "Well, I mean, bring her over here." "What's the big deal?" "I mean, we're friends, right?" "So why can't I meet your girlfriend?" "I mean, unless you're trying to hide her from me." "No." "Why would I do that?" "Too late." " Hey, cutie!" " Hey." " Hi, I'm Cady." " Hi." "Uh, Andi." "I've heard a lot about you." "All good things." "Oh, good to hear." "That's a nice necklace." "Oh, thank you." "Sam got it for me." "Yeah, actually, he showed it to me once." "Yeah." "Andi used to play soccer in high school like you." "You guys did that..." "Well, enjoy your lunch and your necklace." "Wow, she hates me." "No, she doesn't hate you." "Come on, Sam, it's obvious." "Did you guys have a thing?" "Let's sit down." "All right, this is my fault." "All right, the necklace you're wearing... was actually one I had originally bought for her." "When?" "Uh, a few weeks ago." "And then you gave it to me?" "Yeah, but to be fair, I didn't plan on giving it to you." "I just..." "I got caught when you found it... and I made a rash decision." "I..." "So why did you keep it?" "I don't have an answer." "Okay." "Well... it's weird, Sam." "Cady." "Don't follow me." "The next time I buy a present for a girl..." "I need you to punch me in the junk." "Hard." "That's the only way I punch." "Not now!" "Sock!" "What's the problem?" "Cady's mad at me." "Andi's all pissed off." "Oh, will you listen to this guy?" ""Oh, wah!" "I got two chicks fighting over me." ""What am I gonna do?" "Why am I so lovable?"" "Shut up!" "Enjoy it, Sam." "At least, you know, try and flip it into a three-way." "That's what I'd do." "Hey, this guy Ryan's pretty lame." ""This CD is for all the dreamers..." ""who dream of the rock 'n' roll dream..." ""so dream on."" "Oh, I gotta side with the devil on this one." "Some people just belong in hell." "No, I feel bad for him." "The devil's gonna sucker him into a deal... and he'll be just as screwed as I am." "What can you do?" "If the guy wants to sell his soul to the devil... it's not your problem." "You know, I could at least warn him." "If somebody had stepped in before my parents sold my soul..." "Ah, whatever." "The devil said something... about the soul eating after dark." "Don't we have to get to the morgue?" "I don't know." "We have time." "We can stop at the marina along the way." "Okay, then can we swing by my mom's house, too?" "I kind of want to egg her bedroom window." "Well, this was where he was." "Maybe he's playing another spot." "You don't know where?" "I mean, we can't look on every corner in town." "I think I know where he might be." "Looks like the devil got to him first." "Pike Arena." "That's huge." "Damn it." "The devil said, "Follow the body."" "Carmona only feeds at night." "It's pretty good, right?" "Look it." "José Miller." "Not bad, yeah." "How'd you get Josie to give you her I.D. Badge?" "It's just part of some memory trinkets I stole from her." " What?" " She took so much... and gave back so little, so José Miller it is." "As long as that thing gets us into the morgue... where the body is, who cares?" "It's almost six o'clock." "We need to be ready when the soul comes back to feed." "Let's see what we're saddled with this time." "Yeah." "Nice." "A spear gun." "Very James Bond." "And you say this job isn't cool." "Evening, detective." "Just gotta get these experts in... for a dental match on a certain Jonathan Deere." "All right?" "So, he always finishes his meal?" "Yeah." "We gotta find the headless body." "Which one do you think it is?" "It's gotta be this one." "Yeah, well, Carmona didn't come back for seconds." "Excuse me." "What are you doing here?" "Oh, uh, we're from downtown." "The downtown branch... and we're actually taking over the case." "It's a jurdis-dictional thing." "Juris... jurisdictional." "What case are you talking about?" "Actually, that is a need-to-know." "We wish we could do something about it, but we can't." "It's just..." "Whoa!" "This I.D. Is expired." "The picture is pasted on." "Get out of here." "Okay, but could I possibly have the I.D. Back?" "I'm calling the police." "No, all right, uh, keep it." "I thought you said that jurisdictional thing always works." "Why do you always have to point out my flaws, Ben?" "All right, so what do we now?" "We'll just stop the soul before he ever gets to the body." "There's only two ways in." "Let's seal off the doors... so we know which way Carmona's coming." "Okay, good one." "Okay, good." "All right." "Come on, you little..." "Oh, sorry." "Oh!" "It's my mom." "Hurts, doesn't it?" "All right, cool." "All right, here we go." "All right, here we go." "You guys." " What?" " It's him." "It's the soul." "It's him." "Go!" "It's locked." "He locked the door." "One, two, three!" "Where is he?" "Damn it!" "It's locked." "Go." "Boy, do you spook easily." "It's just rubber." "So it was you, right?" "Use your words, Sammy." "What was me?" "This." "You got Ryan a concert." "Oh, wow, this came out pretty sharp." "Yeah." "The umlaut was my idea." "You made him sell you his soul?" "Not yet, but I will." "It's the classic first-taste-ls-free gambit." "Ryan gets his gig, tastes a little fame." "Then while he's on that endorphin high..." "I slap that contract right in front of him." " Never fails." " That really works?" "We're talking about rock 'n' roll, man." "The devil's music." "Coming down the crossroads." "Sell your soul for rock 'n' roll, baby." "It's not funny." "He's gonna spend eternity in hell." "No, you're right." "You're right." "It's never a laughing matter, Sammy." "But, hey, let's talk about you." "What's up with that cannibal of yours?" "Why haven't you caught him?" "I don't know where he is." "Talk to the mother." "Carmona has a mom?" "Yup, and you know moms... they love talking about their kids." "Even when the kid's a people-eater?" "Well, it's just more to talk about." "Hi, Mrs. Carmona." "We were wondering if we could talk to you about your son." "Wait!" "You don't understand!" "Why don't you vultures leave me alone?" "But we're not vultures, Mrs. Carmona!" "My son didn't do any of the things they said." "He was a good boy." "Oh, I'm sure he was." "He was our favorite camp counselor." "What?" "You knew him at Camp Soaring Arrow?" "Yes, we did know him at Camp Soaring Arrow." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Oh, the memories are flooding in, you know?" "Toasting marshmallows and panty raids... and learning how to use your..." "Archery." "Bow and arrow." "You like my son?" "Mm-hmm." "Yeah, we thought your son was great." "Would you boys like some pie?" " Sure." " Yeah." "Here's the picture of Philip... in the school play one Thanksgiving." " He's so cute." " Mm-hmm." "He's the kid dressed in brown?" "Yes." "He played gravy." "Oh, here he is in the pee-wee football." "And this is Philip in his high school graduation." "Such a sweet boy." "You and your son were close, huh?" "He was my best friend." "That's nice." "That's how it's supposed to be." "Yeah." "It's true." "Yup, you're right." "So what was Philip like away from camp?" "Where did he like to go?" "Was there any special place he liked to hang out?" "Or hide out, maybe?" "Well, not really." "Mostly, he liked to hang out with me." "Sometimes, right after the sun goes down..." "I imagine I see him out there at the end of the driveway... or in the backyard." "The other night, I could've sworn..." "I saw him sitting on the swing." "It seemed so real." "Bye-bye, Mrs. C. Have a good day." "All right." "We know how to find the soul." "He just comes here to hang out with his mom." "Yeah, can you blame the guy?" "I mean, that, my friends, is a real mom... a beautiful, selfless, kind-hearted woman... who built her entire life around her son... even though he was a crazy-ass convicted cannibal." "Gets me right here." "Right..." "Right here." "Is it..." "Where's your heart?" "On the left?" "Okay, Ryan, sound check on mic." "Oh, Rachel, Rachel" "Look in my eye" "Because you made me choose" "Between my love at home" "And my own cruel muse" "And music is the goddess and the lady" "In my soul" "Oh, Rachel" "I'm a bitch to the rock 'n' roll" "Yeah, Tommy, how was that?" "That's great, Ryan." "Take five." "All right." "Thank you, gorgeous." "Hey!" "You're from the record company, right?" "You're friends with Jerry?" "Yeah." "That's me." "How you doing?" "Awesome." "Listen, Ryan, did you sign any contract..." " or make any promises with Jerry?" " I can't believe it." "Tomorrow night, every seat's gonna be filled." "Ryan, did you sign anything?" "Huh?" "No, man, I didn't get any paperwork yet." "But don't worry, when I will, I'll sign it, no questions." "No!" "I'm trying to tell you to not sign a contract... with the record company." "Just walk away." "Dude, what are you talking about?" "This isn't what you think it is." "Did Jerry mention anything... about what you might sacrifice for this deal?" "No." "But I'll do anything." "Jerry is the devil... and he's trying to get you to sell your soul, okay?" "Get outta here, man." "You crazy?" "Think about it!" "How did you sell out this entire arena... when nobody's even heard you before?" "Maybe... they like my songs." "How did they even hear your songs?" "I mean, come on." "Doesn't it bother you... that this all happened so easily?" "He's the devil, and if you go through with this... you're gonna spend eternity in hell when you die." "Who cares?" "Who care..." "Are you insane?" "Look, yesterday, I was nothing." "My wife left me." "My friends thought I was a failure." "But today, I'm a rock star, man." "You got it?" "I'm a rock star!" "They were wrong." "They were all wrong." "I'll worry about my soul when I'm dead." "Whoa!" "What do you want?" "I just wanted to see if this car had heated seats." "I always wanted to try heated seats." "Please get out of my car." "All right, fine." "After the way you helped me out with Ryan..." "I owe you one, buddy." "How did I help you out?" "Well, you remember when I told you... that that first-time-is-for-free gambit never fails?" "White lie." "Usually the sticking point... is when I reveal that I'm the devil." "You know, that freaks some people out." "But this time, I mixed it up a little bit." "See, I had you deliver the news." "You're utterly unthreatening." "When you say "devil," It sounds sort of cute." "So now that he's over the initial shock..." "I can step in and close the deal." "I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate it." "Just thanks again, buddy." "Hey, Josie." "You are coming with me." "Why were you at the coroner's office?" "I got a call from my grandmother." "She thought my Uncle Hector was hit by a car." "It turns out he's okay." "The whole thing was a false alarm." "Write it down." "You guys just happened to go to the morgue... the same night my old I.D. Badge shows up." "Inexplicable, but true." "I mean, why would I want to use your I.D., Josie?" "I look nothing like you." "Where were you when you heard about your uncle?" "I was at Sock's house playing Nintendo." "You sure about that?" "Positive." "Nintendo at Sock's." "Ben was racking up points." "He almost didn't take the call about Uncle Hector." "And you didn't use my I.D. To get into the morgue?" "Josie, why would I use your I. D?" "I look nothing like you." "I'm sorry, I..." "Uncle Hector, Nintendo, I look nothing like you." "Boo-yah." "Boo-yah?" " Mm-hmm." " What does that mean?" "That means you're not gonna fool us... with any of your lawyer mumbo-jumbo legalese." "What would I want to trick you about?" "What is it that you're so excited to be throwing in my face?" "The truth." "I get very excited about confirming the truth." "It sets me free." "The truth that you three tell in exactly the same words... exactly the same way?" "Yup." "Oww!" "Why?" "I'll find out what you're up to." "Then I'll show you boo-yah." "Oh, do it." "I dare you." "Show me your boo-yah!" "I wasn't sure you'd come." "Yeah, me either." "Thanks for the flowers." "Yeah, of course." "I don't know what to say to you, Sam." "You don't have to say anything." "I'm a jerk." "You saw that necklace, and I freaked out." "I'm sorry." "I should've just told you the truth." "It wasn't about the necklace, Sam." "What do you mean?" "Look, I can get over the fact... that you bought a present for another girl." "It's just I don't know that you can get over it." "Yeah." "Yeah, I can." "It just seems to me... like maybe you still have feelings for Andi... and if you do, just tell me." "Yeah, I'm gonna be sad, but I'm not a consolation prize." "Cady, I don't think that about you, all right?" "I'm with you, not her, okay?" " Okay." " Okay?" "Oh, come on, man." "Just answer the phone." "It's like six times she's called already." "Seven." "Just talk to your mom." "What if she's trying to apologize?" "She's not calling to apologize, Sam, all right?" "She's calling to get me to accept her dumb decision about Morris... and I don't accept him." "I reject him, all right?" "Until she rejects him, too, we got nothing to talk about." "What if she never rejects him?" "I mean, you thought about that?" "I mean, you might not have a choice here." "I do have a choice, Ben." "I have a very good choice." "Sock, what are you doing?" "Starving, Sam." "I'm gonna go in there." "I'm gonna talk to Mrs. Carmona, sweet, little Mrs. Carmona... see if she has any more pie." "Hey." "What about the soul?" "The soul's supposed to show up any minute now." "Hello?" "Mrs. Carmona." "Hi, it's Sock." "Remember me?" "I was just, uh, driving by... and thought I smelled some of that delicious p..." "Pie." "Oh, no." "Mrs. C?" "You sicko... sociopathic bastard." "How could you?" "I was hungry." "All she had was pie." "She loved you through everything." "She supported you completely, and you killed her?" "Because you didn't want to eat delicious pie?" "!" "Come here!" "You could have eaten anyone!" "She was loving and sweet... and you chewed her up like she was nothing!" "Nothing!" "Hey." "Hey." " I'll go get a table." " Okay." " I'm sorry." " I'm sorry." "Listen, I should never have given anyone that necklace." "That was a mistake." "No, listen, I'm the one that should be apologizing, okay?" "I was a jerk." "I deliberately provoked that fight, okay?" "I should've just kept my cool." "Good." "We both can admit we're awful people." "I don't think I'm awful." " Hey, guys." " Hey." "Hey, Sam." "What was that?" "Nothing." "We just cleared up the whole necklace incident." "We're all gonna be friends." "Yay!" "Do you want to be friends?" "Because that's not what it sounds like." "Okay, you know what?" "You need to let that go." "He's seeing somebody else." "I'm not getting in the middle of that." "I'm wouldn't let you get in the middle of it, Andi." "That just serves as further proof... that we can't trust a word out of Sam Oliver's mouth." "Liars." "All three of them." "You're just mad 'cause they outsmarted you." "They did not outsmart me, and I'm not mad." "I'm furious." "Yeah." "Would you look at this?" "Promotional coasters." "The devil's really doing it up." "Okay, guys, can we get a toast here?" "To Mrs. Carmona." "A loving mother... who deserved much better than being eaten." "Right." "You're right." "I gotta say, cannibal soul... the scariest soul we've ever captured, hands-down." " Oh, really?" " Yes." "Cannibal soul versus fire soul." "Fire soul wins every time." "Well, maybe from a distance, yeah." "But, you know, get them in a cage match... cannibal soul gets in close... your face is gone." "Okay, cage match." "Cannibal soul versus crazy dog monster soul." " That's interesting, man." " Done deal." "And cannibal soul wouldn't eat the dog... because it's a dog, obviously, and it's not a man, so..." "I don't know, Benji." "If I got hungry enough, I would definitely eat a dog." "Would you eat a man?" "Well, it depends on what man we're talking about." "I mean, if we're talking about George Clooney, then yeah." "I mean, because he's gorgeous and I hate him." "So that proves my point right there." "Scariest soul of all time... cannibal soul." "Yeah, I agree." "How bad do you think he'd scare this guy?" "Let the sparks keep flying" "From this guitar pick" "Till I pass out in a puddle" "Of my very own sick" "'Cause there's lots of music" "Boilin' in my deepest colon" "Oh, Rachel, Rachel" "I'm a bitch to rock 'n' roll" " Sam!" " Sorry." " It hurts." " Sorry." "Come on." "Okay." "Safety meeting first." "Sam, you make sure you release the soul from the vessel." " Right." " Sock brings Ryan down here." "Bet your ass I will." "I'm gonna dangle this bacon." "I'm gonna make sure that guy turns into a crazy eating thing." "Rock star poops his pants out of fear... refuses to sign his soul over to the devil." "We all go home happy." "All right." "Bring it in." "You know, one day soon" "I'll walk in your door" "I'll lay down my hat" "And I shall play no more" "You're so uptight" "Like you have been in a hole" "But bet you didn't mention" "I'm a bitch" "I'm a bitch to the rock 'n' roll" "Yeah!" "Rock 'n' roll!" "Thank you!" "Good night!" "Yo, Ry-an!" "Is that how you say it?" "Ry-an?" " "Ree-an."" " Ree-an, all right." "Hey, listen, Ree-an, I came to the show tonight... with ten very open-minded young ladies... who are just dying to meet a real star, you." " Let's go!" " All right." "Star right here!" "Just under here." "Hey, Ryan." "Where are all the open-minded ladies?" "We're about to show you what's gonna happen... if you sign your soul away to the devil." "See him?" "He's actually an escaped soul from hell... and in a second, he's gonna turn into a monster." "You guys are nuts." " No." " Come on, let me out." "All right, Ryan, listen to me." "You sign that contract... you're gonna spend the rest of eternity with monsters like this." "Why isn't he eating the bacon?" "We should've cooked it." "Benji, get it right in his face." "Hey, come on, man, you're making us look bad." "That's Canadian back bacon." "Don't be a jerk." "These people kidnapped me." "You need to call the police." "Shut up and eat the bacon!" "Hey, hold on." "Relax." "Everybody just relax." "All right?" "Move out of the way." "You don't scare me." "Performing in front of thousands of people tonight... now that's scary." "By the way, did you catch the show?" "I thought it went really good." "Ryan, I need you to move." "Fellas, listen." "Tonight, the audience and I were like one." "We connected." "Just like I'm gonna connect with you... because, well, music has a simple message." "Oh, sweet muscular Mary!" "Oh, my God!" "My hand!" "My hand!" "Sock, call 911!" "I'm gonna go after him!" "Sammy!" "My hand!" "Well, that worked." "Ryan." "Brought you flowers... 'cause I didn't know what else to get you." "Hey, they put it back on." "That's great." "Yeah." "Great." "You..." "You're in pain?" "I can't feel my hand, bro." "In here... wreckage." "Listen, Ryan, I want to apologize." "Things got way, way out of hand back there, and I..." "Dude, what are you talking about?" "Your hand." "I was in shock." "I don't remember what happened to my hand." "I don't remember anything after the second encore." "The doc says a bear probably chomped it." "Listen, Ryan, about the contract..." "Dude, I can't even get Jerry on the phone." "I killed at that concert last night, and today, nothing." "Like I don't even exist." "Yeah, well..." "You were right, man." "He is the devil, and I got nothing." "Hey." "Rachel." "Are you okay?" "What are you doing here?" "I called her." "You came back?" "You forgive me?" "Actually, I just wanted to make sure... you weren't gonna die or anything." "So... okay." "No, wait!" "I'm out of the life, baby." "Can't rock out no more." "I don't need crowds of adoring fans anymore, Rachel." "I just need you." "Concert of one." "I just don't know if I can believe you, Ryan." "You told me a thousand times... you were gonna give up rock 'n' roll for me." "Yeah, but now I have no feelings in four of my five fingers." "Really?" "Numb." " Really numb?" " Bear chomp." "Mom." "Bert." "Morris." "Howdy." "I'm just gonna get this all out, okay?" "Cards on the table." "I may have reacted poorly before." "I thought that you were being impulsive by getting married... and I wanted you to see that you were making a mistake." "Okay, but now I can see that maybe... that is something you need to be happy." "So I am willing to accept Morris into this family... and forgive you for marrying him without my blessing, okay?" "Thank you, Bert." "Great." "All right." "I'm gonna go unpack my shnibs." "But, Bert, you can't unpack." "No, I have to, Mom." "I have a ton of laundry for you to do." "No, Bert, only Morris and I are going to live here now." "What?" "Bert, you're a man now." " Yes." " You're 25." "You need to leave the nest." "No, Mom." "That is not you talking right now." "That is him, all right?" "You are not my dad, guy!" "This isn't Morris talking." "Now this time apart has made me realize... that we'd both be happier... if there was some distance between us." "It's hard, but I know it's what's best for us." "It's what's best for you." "You listen to me." "I am going to go into my room... and give you a few minutes to cool off." "When I return, you'll have come back... to your crazy senses." "You turned my room into a pottery studio?" "Hi!" " Hi." " Oh!" "Um, sorry." "No, no." "No problem." "Okay." " Thank you." " Mm-hmm." "Sam said you wanted to talk to me." "Yeah, listen." "I just feel like you and I got off on the wrong foot." "I kind of feel like I'm getting this vibe, I guess, from you... like, "Who is this chick hanging out with my friend Sam?"" "Oh, no." "I don't blame you 'cause you don't know me." "Right." "So let me tell you this story." "When I was in high school, I had this boyfriend... and we were madly in love... and then he suddenly dumped me for this other girl." "Totally broke my heart." "So, well, I didn't take it very well." "Yeah, I got this giant knife and I went to this girl's house... and I was gonna find her, but she wasn't there." "So I just slashed her tires." "But I've been through therapy... and I have found a way to control my emotions pretty much." "So, anyway, I hope that lets you know... a little bit more about me... and one of these days..." "I'd really like to hear one of your stories." "There you go." "Thank you." "Hey, big shot." "Hey." "That's you, Mr. Big Shot." "Feeling pretty good about yourself, huh?" "You really put one over on me." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Oh, Ryan's soul." "I had it all lined up, primed to take it... and you stole it right out from under me." "You beat me to the punch." "I underestimated you, Sammy." "Big time." "You're quite the sly fox." "Oh, come on." "I know you want to gloat about it right now." "Admit it." "I won't be mad." "Yeah, it feels pretty good." "Send an evil soul to hell... save a good soul from being damned." "I like it." "There you go." "See?" "Plus, you got the best of me." "Now, don't tell me that doesn't give you a rush." "Yeah, it does." "I guess you can't win 'em all." "Oh, yeah." "I guess not." "Need some help over here!" "You said you wouldn't be mad." "Oh, this isn't me mad, Sam." "This is me disappointed." "You should see me when I'm mad." "It's really something."