"Alisa Freyndlikh" "Andrei Myagkov" "Svetlana Nemolyaeva" "Oleg Basilashvili" "Liya Akhedzhakova" "Ludmila Ivanova" "OFFICE AFFAIR" "Directed by Eldar Ryazanov" "As everyone knows – labour ennobles a human being." "This is why people enjoy going to work." "I, personally, go to work only because it ennobles me." "If there was no statistics, we would not even suspect how well we work." "Ludmila Prokofievna Kalugina, the director of our Statistics Institution." "She knows well the business she is running – it happens sometimes." "Ludmila Prokofievna is the first to come to work and the last to leave it in the evening." "It is obvious that she is, alas, single." "We call her – our "old stick", behind her back, of course." "Every morning before going to work I get rid of my idlers." " Here is 40 kopeks, buy 2 packets of milk." "And don't forget!" " OK!" " And remember to have your breakfast!" "Now, let's talk about you." "When are you going to stop behaving like a hooligan?" "Why everybody is complaining about you?" " I behave well!" " How do you explain that nobody complains about other kids?" "Why did you eat plasticine?" " I ate it with sugar!" " But you are a grown up person, you should understand that nobody eats plasticine." " And why did you lock Masha in a wardrobe?" " You know, I locked her and the keys got lost." " Go." "And don't spread glue on your teacher's chair, do you hear me?" " Ok, Ok!" " Blockhead..." "My name is Anatoly Efremovich, my surname is Novoseltsev." "I live only on my salary, i.e. from pay to pay." "In one word" " I scrape; in one word" " I dodge." "And this is Olga Petrovna Ryzhova..." "Olia." "Olia is my best friend." "We became friends long ago, when we were students in the university." "What I most like about her is the fact that she is an optimist - whatever befalls." "And as everyone knows - it is optimists who make the Earth revolve." "There are too many residents in our city, too many visitors, too many cars." "Everybody is hurrying somewhere, everybody seems to be late for something." "There is fuss everywhere, jams, queues." "But I love this city anyway." "This is my city." "This is a very good ...city." "This is Verochka." "She is curious like all women, and feminine like all secretaries." "Her salary is small but all her clothes are expensive." "How she manages it is a mystery." "And this is Shura." "Nice, but, unfortunately, too energetic." "Long time ago she was put forward to do some public work and since then it has not been possible to push her back." "Renovated by the obligatory morning exercise in public transport, we get to work at last." " Hi!" " Hello!" " Listen, Vovka has torn his shoes again." "Do you have any idea where I can borrow 20 roubles?" " I don't know." "Hold on a minute, I'll just get some medicine." "Give me something for head." " Comrades, do not leave." "Donate 50 kopeks, please." " For what is it today?" " Masha Selezneva has got a visit from the stork." " I have nothing to do with it." " And who was born?" " I don't know, I haven't found out yet." "Either a boy or a girl." "Thank you very much." "Thank you." "Sign here." "Those who have not donated yet, do not leave!" "Sign here." " And scribble something on my behalf too." " Those who have not donated yet for Masha Selezneva, do not leave please!" " Oh, God!" "What a detestable voice she has!" "Listen, so where can I borrow 20 roubles anyway?" "If only I was appointed a department head..." " I would appoint you." "Why not?" "You are an excellent worker, you have great experience." "Go to our "old stick", talk to her about it, tell her." "Who else is better suited for the position if not you?" " This is impossible." " Let's go." " Shura, and who was born - a girl or a boy?" " I don't know, I haven't found out yet." "I think, a boy." " Go to our "old stick", talk to her." "Tell her you have two children to care about." " What children are you talking about?" "She does not even know that there are children in the world." "She is sure that they are born grown up already, with a job and salary according to the list of members of staff." " Yes, but you can not find extra 50 roubles in the street." " No, you can't." "But the thing is not only about the money." "I'm just fed up with sitting at this table." "I feel to be overage..." " Why are you telling me about it?" "Go and tell her." " No, I am not going to tell her." "I do not want to stoop to it" " I am proud." "Every morning in our Institution starts in the same way." "It is already a habit, tradition;" "I would say - ritual." "Piotr Ivanovich Bublikov, the head of Catering Department." "May be this is why he looks so... well-fed." "And this is Ury Grigorievich Samohvalov." "A very good person," "I have known him for a long time, since I was a student in the University." "This is from the moment he appeared in our Institution that this commotion started." "It started on a usual undistinguished morning after our statistic beauties have finished sprucing themselves up and plunged into the sweet, magic, poetical world of summaries, figures, reports, plans and estimates." " You were the last to leave the apartment." "Have you locked the door?" " I don't have to account for what I am doing anymore." "If you still remember, we split up yesterday." " Yes, I remember." "You were very rude." " Excuse me, please." "Is Ludmila Prokofievna in?" " Yes, wait..." " By the way, this morning you fried eggs in my frying pan and didn't wash it afterwards." " What rubbish are you smoking?" "By the way, my name is Ury Grigorievich." " I'll call you back..." "I am sorry, I thought you were a visitor." " So is she in the office?" " Yes, come in, please." " Good morning, Ludmila Prokofievna." "Here am I!" " Guess what I am smoking now?" "Marlboro." " New Deputy generously gave a whole box." " Surely he wants to become friends with the secretary." "He is in the old woman's office now." " I don't care any more who wants to become friends with you." " Sorry, I called you automatically." "It won't happen again." " Let me give you a souvenir from Switzerland." "There are eight colours in this pen." "It is very suitable for resolutions: black colour - to refuse;" "red - to pay; green is the colour of hope; blue - to consider." "Here it is." " Thank you." "Very witty." "Take a seat, please." " Vera, ask Novoseltsev to come to my office, please." " Which Novoseltsev?" " Nobody." "Sluggish and inert employee, we have lots of such." "So Ury Grigorievich..." " Anatoly Efremovich, could you please come to Kalugina's office?" " Aha, I am coming." "She's sending for me herself!" " Listen, don't lose this opportunity, and take the bull by the horns." "You should come out of her office being a department head already." " What are you talking about?" "I am a zero for her, nobody." "Like everyone, though." " So you will have to familiarize yourself with the Department of Chemical Industry." " Yes, in Switzerland the statistics for the chemical industry..." " This is a model one we have." "Then you will have to solve the problem with computers in our Construction Department." " Yes, in Switzerland computers..." " It is good that in Switzerland there are computers." "Then we have a bad situation with our Department of Light Industry." "Unfortunately we do not have its head yet because Petrunin left us for Ministry." " Novoseltsev is waiting." " I can not find a suitable candidate for it yet..." "Let him in" " Come in." "Come in, don't be scared." " Good morning." "Have you sent for me?" " Sit down, comrade Novoseltsev." " Tolya..." "Tolya!" "Tolka!" " Why are you here?" " How did you get here?" " Well, I am working here." " Oh, glasses, moustache, bold!" " Not completely bold yet!" " He is my old friend!" " Yes, I understand..." " Comrade Novoseltsev, is it your report?" " Yes." " A thing should be dealt with seriously or otherwise you should not deal with it at all." "Statistics is a science; there is no place for approximateness in it." "How can you use unverified data?" "What's the matter?" " Why?" "I verified it..." " And have you noticed that we regularly have shortage of different products in shops?" " Of course I have, I do shopping..." " By the way, comrades, in Switzerland shops..." "Sorry." " It happens because these products are not planned beforehand by such day-dreamers like you are." "Please re-write it." " So, Ury Grigorievich, let's go back to our business." " Of course." " So I am asking you, as my Deputy, to pay special attention to discipline." "Unfortunately, discipline here leaves much to be desired..." "Do you need anything else?" " Yes..." " What?" " I..." "I..." "Question..." " Which?" " No, no questions..." " No?" "Then you can leave..." "The employees are late for work..." " Excuse me." "Tolka, wait for me outside, I'll be quick." " They do shopping during working hours." " And recently we have had a scandalous incident." "Outrageous, from my point of view." "In women's, excuse me, toilet..." " What?" " They put an advertisement: "Thighs for sale." "Interested?" "Call this number."" " It's disgraceful." " Do you know who was appointed the Deputy of our "old stick"?" " No." "Who?" " Try to guess" " I don't know." "Who?" " Urka!" " Which Urka?" " Come on!" "As if there never has been anything between you two." " Samohvalov?" "And how does he look like now?" " Just excellent." " Ura!" " Olia!" " Gosh, you are so beautiful!" " Well, true only if you compare him to me..." " Olia, you have not changed at all." " You are flattering me." " I am so glad to see you!" " Me too." " Sorry, I can't invite you to my office." "Kalugina ordered to make refurbishments there for her new Deputy." "As always, you know - new manager starts with the refurbishment of their own office." "How are you, Olia?" " I am well." "I have my own flat." "Although it is in the suburbs, it is not far from the train station." " Guys, let's go have a smoke over there." " And my son Vitka is 14 years old already." "Yes." "He is a sportsman." "He has first junior grade in broad jumps." " What are you smoking?" "Marlboro." " My husband is OK too." "He had ulcer and his surgeon was Pokrovsky himself." "The surgery went well and after that he was given a free stay in Essentuki resort." "He is there now, recovering." " So I live like others, not worse." "I go to cinema..." "Careful!" "..." " I am not used to imported cigarettes." " And I have parties at home from time to time." "And you?" " I am OK." "I've been working in Geneva for the last two years." "This is Swiss souvenir." " Thank you." " So how is it over there in Geneva?" " It's complicated." " Listen, since you have been to Switzerland, can I borrow 20 roubles from you?" " Of course!" "What are you talking about!" " I am really sorry; it is not my principle to borrow from higher people..." " But I have not started work yet." " Well, then it's OK." "I'll pay you back when I get my salary." " Listen, Ura, that's great that you've been appointed Deputy." "Can you help Tolya?" " What is it?" " Olia, stop it, stop it now." " It's really unfair." "We have a head vacancy in the Department of Light Industry." "Tolya is the best candidate." " Olia, stop it, please." " He is smart, he knows the job well and he has two children to care about." " How old are your children?" "And what about your wife?" "He doesn't have a wife." "She left him and the children as well." " No, I took away the children from her myself;" "I didn't give them to her." "But it doesn't matter" "Hello, good morning, it's Novoseltsev..." "He is spitting?" "!" "Well, you can punish him." "I'll be a little late, I'll go to buy shoes and after that I'll take him home." "Thank you." " Well, I do like this idea of Tolya's appointment." " Will you go and ask her now." " Why, I will!" " Guys, stop it!" "Besides, there is something wrong with my report." "And anyway I could have changed to the worse during all these years." " But you can't be that bad not to be able to run a department." " It's true." "Ura, the time is not suitable now." "Tell him about it!" " Calm down, Tolya." "You know, he has not changed at all." " No." "But if he's going to keep behaving like that - he'll not stay here for long." " Tolya, will you tell me the truth, am I still attractive?" " Olia, come on." "You look just great." " Ludmila Prokofievna, I have an idea." "What do you think about appointing Novoseltsev a head of Light Industry Department?" "Eh?" "The thing that his report is not correct does not mean anything yet." "It is just that he's been doing petty work for a long time." "I have known him for ages, he is very able." " I understand your wish to promote your old friend but I would like you to judge people only by their professional qualities." "Sorry." " Good bye." " Nothing's worked out yet." "But such things don't happen in an instant." "Guys, be patient and everything will be all right." " I've always had faith in you, Ura." " It is all hopeless." " Don't worry, Deputy, I will not be too familiar with you when there are people around." " You've always been tactful, Olga Petrovna." " Well, you may talk now but I'll go to do some shopping or the shop will close for a lunch break soon." " We have a very unfortunate lunch break - from 1pm to 2 pm, just like in groceries." " What does time do to us?" "Do you remember how she looked like?" " Yes..." "But I think you and I have not become younger either, right?" "Though in women it is more noticeable." " Listen, I'd really like this position to be occupied by my friend whom I could trust if anything happens." " I see." "Every new person puts their own people everywhere?" " I hope you are my man?" " Of course." "Though until now I was nobody's." " Let's go downstairs, I'll show you something." " Vera, order a car for me." " Ground floor, please." " Wait a minute!" "Are you our new Deputy?" " Yes." " Excellent." "Masha Selezneva has had a child." "Donate 50 kopeks please and sign here." " How lovely!" " How nice when people react in this way!" "Oh, here is change, please." " No, it's ok." "I can do anything for Masha Selezneva." " And did you pay?" " I did." " Did you?" " I did." " Have you bought new shoes, Vera?" " Well, I have not decided yet whether to buy or not." "Do you like it?" " Very provoking." "I would not buy anything of the kind." "And in your place, I would be interested in shoes not during working hours but after them." " It means the shoes are good, I'll take them." " You see, Tolya, Kalugina has a low opinion about you." "She considers you to be mediocrity." " She must be right." " I understand." "Unprotected people always use irony as a mask." "But you have to find an approach to Kalugina." "What is her week point?" " She does not have week points." " She is an elderly plain single woman..." " She is not a woman, she is a director." "What's it?" "Is it really your car?" " Get in, boy." " Wow!" "Volga, right?" " Something of the kind..." "Get in." " It is like a small apartment." "And what is it?" " Ah, Philips." "Stereo car audio." " Wow..." "Built-in, right?" " Two speakers, on the left and on the right." " Ury Grigorievich, I am going to the ministry, I won't be back soon." "Comrade Novoseltsev, get down to your report at last." " Ludmila Prokofievna, remember" " I am waiting for you in the evening." " Yes, I will come." " Oh, Ura, if only you knew how much I am afraid of her." "As if she was a shark." " Listen." "I'm having a party today to celebrate my appointment." "Come to my place too and using the informal atmosphere try to get on well with her." "Woo her a bit, because if I suggest promoting you again she'll simply growl at me." " How can I woo her if she growls?" " Listen, this is an excellent idea." "Treat her as a Woman." " No, I can't do this." "I can't treat her as a woman, I am a man and I can't." " But I don't suggest that you woo her with serious intentions." "Just a little bit, flirt." " No, I can't." "No position in the world can make me woo her." "Let's make it clear" " I won't woo anybody; and you, will you invite Olia too?" "Eh?" "You invited me and not her, she'll be hurt." " Why Olia?" " What do you mean - why?" " Well, of course." "Come by 8pm." " Help yourselves, comrades." "Here are tomatoes..." " Try this, it's very tasty." " You have a very nice cosy place." "And I like your wife a lot." " Here our tastes coincide." " I hope they will coincide in work too." " And what is it, this thing?" " It is Mobil." " Mobil?" " It's very popular in Europe." "Enlivens the interior." " Well..." " This is an illusion of movement." "An American called Coldman was the first to have an idea of Mobil." "You know, our 20th century, such a rush, bustle." "And when you come home, this calms down your nerves." " Interesting." "Go back to your guests, Ury Grigorievich; they'll be bored without you." " Why, Ludmila Prokofievna, I can't leave you alone." " It's Ok;" "I'll sit here and look through a magazine." "I get tired from noise quickly." "And anyway I like being alone." "Don't worry about me." "I'll sit here." " Here are the magazines." "Have a rest." " Thanks." " Tolya, come here for a minute." " I'm coming." " Listen, it's a very good situation." "Ludmila Prokofievna is alone there, resting." " Let her have a rest." "I won't disturb her." " Don't be a fool, Tolya!" "Go and treat her to a cocktail." " No, I can't, please I can't." " Take it." "Listen, I understand, she is a "scarecrow"; one can put her in one's vegetable garden." "Just don't look at her, look aside." " Please, I'm afraid of her." " Go, Tolya, don't miss the opportunity." " But I'm afraid of her." " Go, go." "So how are you, Olia?" " You live magnificently, Urka." " Try that salad." " I have already." "I make this salad better than your wife does." "It's tastier when you add a grated apple into it." " Your character has not changed" " Do you really remember what character I have?" " I remember everything." " Me too." " Tolya, what are you doing there?" "Go, do you hear me?" "Go, go!" " Ok..." "Oh God, what have I done to deserve this?" " Can I come in, Ludmila Prokofievna?" " Come in, comrade Novoseltsev." " Thank you very much." " Sit down, please." "Not here." " Do you need anything?" " No!" "Yes..." " I am all attention." " Have a cocktail, please." " I do not drink, comrade Novoseltsev." " That's good." "I don't drink either." " Then why have you brought this?" " To drink it." "But it is my mistake." " And not the only one." " Ludmila Prokofievna, I want to tell you that you've turned out to be remarkably astute." " What is it?" " You just look into future." "I am working on my report now and it's becoming better and better before my very eyes." " I am glad for you, comrade Novoseltsev." " Better and better..." " Ludmila Prokofievna, do you like picking up mushrooms?" " What?" " M-mushrooms... to pick up... b-b-b-boletuses brown-cap, b-b-b-boletuses orange-cap, b-b-b-boletuses prickly cup ..." " No, I am indifferent to it." " This..." "I'm sincerely sorry for you." "It is wonderful to pick up mushrooms, you know." "Take prickly cups, for example." "They grow on stumps." "If you come to a forest and you are lucky to find a good stump you can pick up loads of stumps... prickly cups..." "Ceps or brown-cap boletuses, they are u-u-under asps, u-u-under birches, under f-f-fur trees..." "In droughty summer they like where damp... where to drink... in lowland... you go to lowland and creep in... in..." " You are a great specialist in mushrooms, comrade Novoseltsev." " In mushrooms - yes." "My name is Anatoly Efremovich." " I will remember it." "Is it all?" " No!" "Yes..." " You can leave, comrade Novoseltsev." " Thank you..." " So?" "Why didn't you treat her to a cocktail?" " She doesn't drink" " What did you do?" "What did you talk about?" " About what?" "About mushrooms." " Why about mushrooms?" " But what to talk to her about?" "About snakes?" "I tried to woo her but..." "I can't." "I don't know how to do it." "The last time I wooed someone it was my wife 12 years ago and it seems I don't remember anymore how to do it." " Did Ludmila Prokofievna understand you tried to woo her?" " I don't think she did." " Ura, did you see strip-tease in Switzerland?" " Not even once!" " Sincerely?" " Why do I need it?" " I would have seen for sure." " Comrades, the cheese is Swiss, the olives are Greek, help yourselves." "Do you want to stay a chief statistician for your whole life?" " No, I don't." "But can we think up something else instead of wooing?" "When I see her I become week in the knees." " Don't stand then - sit down." " No, seriously." "I don't know what to talk to her about." " About something intellectual, she is a smart woman." " Intellectual?" "It's possible" "Though she's unlikely to understand" "Ok, I'll go and eat something first and then will start casting pearls..." " Ury Grigorievich, why don't you ask me for a dance?" " I am asking you, Olga Petrovna." " After I have thrust myself on you?" " Ura, do you remember how we missed a lesson in LawFinance and went to cafe Ice-cream?" "You ordered so many things and then you didn't have enough money to pay." " Of course I do." "Listen, I have a question for you." "This Bublikov, is he from Catering Department?" " Yes, he's its head." " What is he as a person?" " Climber." " Ur, and will your wife be jealous?" " Because of whom?" " Because of me." " Of course she will." " And do you remember how we went to Kuntsevo to kiss there?" "And now there's the city in the place of that forest." " Of course I do." "Listen, this Barovskyh, from Local Industry Department, what is he as a person?" " First-class guy." "You know, Ur, I'm dancing with you now and it seems to me that these 18 years have never passed." " Well, I'm going." " More intelligence, Tolya." " It is me again." " We have already said good-bye to each other, comrade Novoseltsev." " It's true." "Then let's say hello again." "Good evening, Ludmila Prokofievna." " Good evening." " Yes, good..." "Can I take a seat?" " Of course." " Thank you." "Thank you very much." "Are you bored, Ludmila Prokofievna?" " No." "I am used to being alone so I never get bored." " Should I leave then?" " You can stay, you don't bother me." " Thanks." "A cigarette?" "Matches?" "Box?" " No, thanks." " And I will have a smoke if you don't mind." "Cognac?" "Whisky?" "Gin?" "Tonic?" "Vodka?" " I've made it clear already that I don't drink." " Oh, yes, something wrong with my memory..." "What do they write there?" " Everything is all right so far." " Why are we sitting like deaf-and-dumb as if there's nothing we can talk about?" "Let's talk about something." "We've talked about my report;" "you aren't interested in mushrooms as far as I understand, right?" " You understand correctly." " And berries?" "Are you interested in b-berries?" " Only in the form of jam." " What about verses, in the form of poetry?" "How do you feel about them?" " Respectfully." " Really?" "That's great!" "Let's talk about verses." "You know, when I was young I wrote verses." "And you?" " No, I didn't have any talent to do it." " Neither did I." "I'll recite something now and you'll see it yourself." " May be it's better not to risk?" " Why not risk?" "I do wish to make a good impression on you." " You have succeeded in it already." " Then I would like to strengthen it." "Something from early things..." "It is difficult to love others But you are beautiful without fault;" "And the secret of your beauty Is equal to the secret of life." "In spring..." " When you were young you were much more talented than now." "Only I haven't had any idea that it was you who wrote under the famous pen-name Pasternak." " Oh, I see." "I'd never think you know anything about poetry." " The verses are good but you recited them badly." " It is better for you to know." " I'll say so." " But my friends say that I recite well." " They are flattering you." "You recite terribly." " And do you like music, Ludmila Prokofievna?" "In any form?" " I hope you are not going to play music?" " Yep!" "I'd like to sing." " What a disaster." " Why?" "My friends say that I have beautiful baritonal... descant." " Wait..." "I have an idea." "Are you drunk?" " No, come on." "When I'm drunk I become violent; but now I'm quiet." " I am lucky." " So what would you like me to sing?" " May be it's better not to?" " Then you're sure beforehand that I can't sing either, right?" " I'm very tired of you, comrade Novoseltsev." " And I'll sing you now and you'll become fit as a fiddle again." "It is quiet around, only a badger does not sleep." "It hung its ears on a branch And is dancing quietly around them." " Are you crazy?" " So you don't like me singing either?" " Alas, no." " You don't like anything." "It's very difficult to please you." "But I'll try anyway, you know;" "I'll dance for you." "It's most likely that a modern dance will not be interesting for you so I'll try something classical, Russian folk dance, "Gypsy", OK?" "And you'll join me in singing, Ludmila Prokofievna." "No, you are not going to join me in singing, so I'll sing myself." " That's outrageous!" "Let me pass!" "Take this hooligan from here!" "Ury Grigorievich, take him from here!" " You don't like how I recite verses, how I dance and how I sing because you are dry!" "This's what you are!" "You are hard-hearted." "Wait, Ura, nobody asks you to interfere..." "There's nothing human in you!" " Let him have his say." " You don't have a heart because there are only figures in your head!" "Let me go, I haven't said everything yet!" "You may fire me now but I'm very glad I've said it in your face." " Sorry, Ludmila Prokofievna!" "Calm down, Tolya!" " Let me go." " Ury Grigorievich, thank you for the nice evening." "It was a pleasure to meet you." "Thank you." "Good bye." "Good bye, comrades." "Comrade Ryzhova, good bye." " Good bye, Ludmila Prokofievna." " Good bye, comrade Novoseltsev, Anatoly Efremovich." " Good bye." "Shall I see you home?" " I don't think you should take the trouble." " I'll see you off." "Sorry, Ludmila Prokofievna, don't pay attention." "He's not a bad guy." " Oh, it's OK." "Everything was very nice." "I enjoyed myself." " It's my entire fault, I should have watched him." " Well, it happens." " Don't you take any offence." "I can't even have thought of it." "And don't pay attention." "He was talking such nonsense." " No, why?" "It's always interesting to know what your employees think of you." "Thank you." "Drive home." " See you tomorrow!" "Personal file of Novoseltsev" " Hi, rowdy." " Hi..." " Can you tell me what got into you yesterday?" " Listen, don't torture me, I haven't slept the whole night as it is..." " OK, don't worry." "Go to her and apologise." " What are you talking about?" "I don't even know how to show my face to her again." " You have made your bed, now you must lie on it." " Listen, what's the girl's name?" " I don't remember..." "OK, I'll go." "May be I'm lucky and she won't receive me." " Good morning, Olenka!" "I'm so glad you came to my party yesterday." " My pleasure." "And 'm waiting for you here." "I want to thank you for yesterday evening." " Yes, the party was a success, true." " And what are you planning to do today?" " To take a rest from yesterday." " Good morning, Verochka!" " Good morning, Ury Grigorievich." " Is she in?" " As usual." " Souvenir from Switzerland." " I do not take bribes." " So what are you going to do this evening?" "..." "Which party?" "..." "Are there going to be men there?" "Well, you have to get me meet someone, I am a single woman now..." " Vera, come into my office and bring the mail." " Here it is." "Wait a bit." " Vera, you know everything about everyone." " This is my job." " What do you know about Novoseltsev?" " Clumsy." "Single with two children." " Have you been waiting for long?" "..." "I'll come later." " Do you remember Lisa Leontieva from Construction Department?" "A woman with fair hair, pretty, with plait?" "She isn't working here any more." " No; to be honest I don't remember her." " Naturally..." "So she was his wife, they had two children together and then ... she went on the spree." " But how Leontieva could have left her children behind?" "She's their mother!" " Mother!" "Novoseltsev is their mother." "Quiet, tender, harmless person, you can never hear a rude word from him" " Yes, harmless..." " That's it, Novoseltsev." "Things are in a bad way." "The old woman's interested in you, is scrutinizing your personal file." " I'm going to be fired." " Why?" " For hooliganism..." "Verochka, could you find out, may be she won't receive me now?" " Novoseltsev is waiting outside." " I have not sent for him." " OK, I'll tell him you are busy." " No, this is not polite actually." "Tell him to come in." " You have to go." " Do I?" "And how is she?" "Yes?" "Well, if I have to..." " Good luck!" " Dash it..." " Good morning, Prokof-Prokofya Ludmilovna..." "I came, came..." "I do not know why..." "There." "Something got into me yesterday." " Yes, I noticed." " Or I broke loose..." " That is more probable" " So I ..." "Loose..." " Yes." "Sit down, comrade Novoseltsev." "Anatoly Efremovich." " No, don't." "It's better to die standing..." " Sit down, don't be afraid." " Thank you." " Make yourself comfortable please." " Thank you." " Yesterday you..." "Sit down!" "... you had the nerve to say that there's nothing human in me." " No, you don't need to pay any attention to my words, yesterday I..." " Yes, I do need to pay attention, why not?" "Especially as you represent the opinion of some employees of our Institution." " Really?" " Yesterday you slandered me publicly..." " Yes..." " Insulted" " Slandered..." " Everything you said is an outrageous lie" " Outrageous..." " I don't agree with you absolutely" " Nor I, abs-absolutely..." " Why are you so dodgy all the time?" " I am not." " Why are you so dodgy?" "What a person are you?" "I can't get the hang of you." " I do not want to be hung." "What for?" "Don't." " You insisted that I am hard!" " No, soft." " Inhuman!" " Human." " Heartless!" " Hearty." " Dry!" " Wet..." " Sorry, Ludmila Prokofievna." " Will you stop bullying me at last?" " Please, by God, I just, I did not want," "I don't understand why I said this word - wet." "I wanted to say - kind, Ludmila Prokofievna." "I admire..." " I don't understand why, why you hate me so much." " Who said you this?" "..." " What have I done to you?" "I have not intrigued against you" " Haven't" " I have not fired you" " Not yet" " You get you bonuses regularly" " I do." "Ludmila Prokofievna..." " If I criticized your report, I do have the right to do it," "I am still your director" " We love you so much, we worship you, we love you at heart, in our heart of hearts, somewhere very deep in heart..." " So deep that I can't even notice it." " No, you can, you should notice it." " Democratic you are, democratic..." " Why are you lying?" "Why are you lying?" "Stop it now!" " I'm not lying, I'm not, you can't even imagine." "When you send for us, we come to your office with great joy" " Outrageous..." " What are you doing?" "Are you crying?" " You come to my office and say foul things to me..." " Stop crying!" "You are a director; you are not supposed to cry." " This is not your business to decide what I'm supposed to do and what not!" "There are higher organs for it." " No, but calm down, drink ..." "W-water..." "C-carafe..." " Can I come in, Ludmila Prokofievna?" " Ura, wait, go out, wait outside..." " What's the matter?" " Go out, we have a meeting." " What's going on there?" " She's firing him for hooliganism." " Ludmila Prokofievna, I need to talk to you." " Wait, let us have our meeting." " Stop it now, immediately." "I'm still a director here, I am still the owner, master, whatever it is..." " I'm afraid he let himself go again." "Brawler." " Stop crying, damn it!" "Am I a nurse for you?" " I'm not rubbish either!" " Well, may be it's better if you cry, it's useful." "If you're still able to cry, may be not everything's lost yet..." "Don't worry, don't bother, I'll say..." "Hello!" "Hello!" "Hello!" "No, she's busy." "Which Minister?" "No, now she doesn't need any Minister." " Minister?" "Give me the phone!" "What have you done, what have you done?" "Why do you talk to authorities like that?" "Even I never talk like that." " Drink some water, calm down" " You are absolutely crazy." " Hiccup a little." " Does everyone think me to be such a monster?" " Don't exaggerate." "Not everyone, not such a monster..." " No, it's impossible, by God, impossible!" "Go away, I want neither to see you nor hear you..." " Is Novoseltsev still there?" " Can you imagine - they locked the door." " May be we should break the door and rescue him?" " Are you crazy?" " To be honest, I didn't want to offend you at all." "It's just that you cried as if you were normal, and this amazed me." " I'm tired of you..." " Ludmila Prokofievna, word of honour, you know, I, it's my t-tongue-tie, from birth I have it." "On the whole I think normally but express... express..." " OK, what did the Minister say?" " Who knows?" "I think he didn't understand me;" "I'm not used to talking to Ministers." " What if he's sending for me?" "How will I go?" "My eyes'll stay red for the whole day now." "And the nose..." " It's if you rub them." "But if you wait till they dry... dry themselves, nobody'll notice." " I have not cried for such a long time." "Sometimes I feel like crying, you know, but I can't cry being alone." "It's the same as an alcoholic who cries, I mean drinks, being alone." "Next time when you feel like crying, send for me and we'll cry together." " Will you pour some water for me please?" "Thank you." "You must be happy, Anatoly Efremovich." "You have... you have children" " Yes, a boy and... another boy." " You see, and I'm absolutely alone." "I wake up in the morning and go to make coffee" "And not because I want to have breakfast, but because it's a routine." "I make myself eat something and then go to work." "This office, this all is practically my home." "And evenings..." "If only you knew how much I'm afraid of evenings, if only you knew!" "I stay at work till late until the porter starts jingling his keys." "I pretend that I have lots of work to do but in reality I just have nowhere to go." "What about home?" "Home; there is only a TV at home;" "I can't even have a dog because there's nobody to walk it out during the day time." "That's it." "Of course I have friends, acquaintances, but all of them have families, children, and household cores." "You see, I've turned myself into an old woman." "And I'm only 36." " What do you mean - 36?" " Yes, I'm younger than you, Anatoly Efremovich." " And how old do I look like?" " Like thirty... five" " You are lying again, comrade Novoseltsev!" " You only wear gloomy clothes, with no gloss." " Really?" "I've never noticed." " Sign here and donate 50 kopeks." "Barovskyh has a jubilee - he's 50 years old so it's 1 kopek per year - quite cheap." "Sign here, please." " Jubilees aren't in fashion now." " Verochka, when you're fifty we'll donate for you too." " I will not live up to it." "I have a harmful job." " OK, Anatoly Efremovich." "Go to your place." "I do have lots of work." "And by the way, I need to find out why the Minister called." " Don't be angry with me, don't scold." " You too, for me being so honest with you now." " So what, Tolya?" " Novoseltsev, donate 50 kopeks!" " So have the old woman fired you?" " She is not old." " Why are you dawdling, Tolya?" " I'll stay to work a little more." " Ura, can you spare me a minute?" " Hello, Olenka!" " Can we meet tomorrow evening?" " I can't tomorrow; we're going to visit relatives." " And what about the day after tomorrow?" " And on the day after tomorrow my friend has his birthday." " Ah, and on the day after after tomorrow there'll be a hockey game on TV, right?" "It's difficult for me to leave home at weekends." " But you should understand everything." " OK, go, you need to have a rest from yesterday." " See you tomorrow." " Can I come in, Ludmila Prokofievna?" "Ludmila Prok..." "Vera, send for the most brilliant mind of the present, please..." "What do you mean - who?" "Novoseltsev, of course." "Come in, comrade Novoseltsev, take a sit." "Dear Anatoly Efremovich, I want to reward you according to your deserts, as they say everyone gets what they deserve." "Our leader, i.e. myself, has had, though strange, an idea to appoint you, one of the best workers in domestic statistics" "(we'll not conceal it, ha-ha-ha), to appoint you the head of Light Industry Department." "Ve-ery light industry." "How do you feel about it, Anatoly Efremovich?" " Negatively, Prokofya Ludmilovna." "I'm inert, slow, clumsy and shy, Ludmila Prokofievna." "I'll fail the entire work of Light - very light" " Industry Department." " Come in." " Thank you." " Don't be shy, comrade Novoseltsev." " Thank you, Ludmila Prokofievna." " Take a seat." " I obey you." "My name is Anatoly Efremovich." " I will remember it, comrade Novoseltsev." " Is it worth bothering about such nonsense, our esteemed Ludmila Prokofievna?" " It is, especially as I consider you to be the most hard-working..." " Hm, come on..." " Not "hm", but hard-working employee." " Oh, come on, Ludmila Prokofievna." "Is it worth spoiling me like that?" " Everybody's left for home, but you've stayed like a dummy." " I've stayed like a dummy, as you justly put it, because you criticized my report, and criticized it justly." " Your modesty does you credit." " My modesty is nothing comparing to your boundless astuteness, our esteemed Ludmila Prokofievna." " Excuse me." " Excellent..." " I'm sorry." " Excellent." "No, this is interesting, it becomes you." " I'm really sorry." "Please, this is your place." " Well, why, you feel comfortable there." " No, let's you... there - here..." "But why do you consider me to be such a bad employee?" " Why haven't you left for home with the rest?" "Why such a zeal?" " But you said yourself about my bad report..." " Did I?" "And that's why you've come to my office?" "Strange idea." " I thought you'd help me to improve..." " Again you're lying, Anatoly Efremovich." "You stayed because you felt sorry for me." "This morning I let myself cry in your presence and might have told you some unnecessary things." "And you, you believed it." "But everything's excellent and marvellous in my life." "It can't be better." "The matter's not in a personal life only." "What's personal life?" "Nothing." "There are many other interests in life too." "I run a big company." "I love my job." "Many people respect me." "Some are even afraid of me." "By the way, I've just returned from the Minister and he praised me." "So I really need neither your sympathy nor your protection." " I thought you were real this morning but I was wrong." "You are real now." " Well, go home." "Go quick; your children're waiting for you." "Go home, do you hear me?" " Well, nobody cares, only I'm puzzling what to give Barovskyh as a present to please him." "I've seen a bronze horse in a commission shop." "Ludmila Prokofievna, I do ask you, will you please let Novoseltsev go with me tomorrow, I can't fetch the horse here myself." " Good morning, Verochka." "Can I come in?" " Yes, of course." " Verochka, could you please give this letter to Ury Grigorievich?" "Into his hands." " Verochka, it's urgent, please." " Don't forget please." " OK, it's my job." " And don't register the letter." " Ok, I won't... register it." " Ura, good morning." " Hi, dear." " Good morning, Verochka." " Good morning." " Is she in?" " As usual." "There's a letter for you." " Vera, will you come into my office for a minute?" " Yes, Ludmila Prokofievna." " I'd like to talk to you, Vera." " About what?" " Take a seat, please, sit down." " I'm all attention." " I need to consult with you about something." " Do you need to get information about another employee?" " Not really... how to say it in one word, what's fashionable now?" " What do you mean?" " I mean clothes." " And... why are you asking?" "Oh, excuse me, Ludmila Prokofievna." " It's Ok, of course." "A relative from a small town came to visit me and she's interested." " I understand completely, I understand." " Well, let's start with shoes." "It's shoes that make a woman be a woman." " Really?" " Now people wear high-heeled "shoesy" with membrane..." " What's "shoesy", Verochka?" "Sorry..." "I didn't understand." " It's from English word "shoes" which means footwear in English." " I see." " As to boots, you need to have high-heeled accordion-like boots..." " Wait, Verochka, I need to w-write all this down, not that quick.." " Yes, of course." " I'll summarize it all." "What should be accordion-like?" "The heel?" " The bootleg." " Ah, yes." " Does your relative have good legs?" "Are they well-shaped?" " Well... actually..." "legs like legs." "Average legs, let's put it like that." " I see." "So bad legs, Ludmila Prokofievna, should be hidden." " Where?" " Under maxi skirt." " What's this?" " Inventory." " What's going on, comrades?" " 392 lamp." "Good lamp... - 113 chair..." " Meeting's table 4308..." " What's this, comrades, I'm asking you?" " You ordered it yourself, comrade director." " You are people of mental work." "So we are." " Let's go to meeting room." " How tactless!" " Locust!" " Bandits..." " 6859 Vase Moser..." "Airplane toy 1314... 2319 chair..." "What is it?" "..." "A rude word scribbled on the chair..." "Rub it off." " It's also important to achieve such a thing as combination." "Well, I mean when things go well together." "Some sweater..." "By the way, there're new body-shirts on sale in the SDS right now." "Some blazer on top..." " Blazer?" "What's blazer?" " Blazer is a club jacket." " For a night club, you mean?" " You can wear it there as well." " Hold on a moment..." " So blazer, body shirt..." "But it's not the main thing either." "You see, now nobody wears wigs, right?" " I think it's for the better." "It's better so... natural, lively ... and wigs are like a house on your head..." " Well, if you think lively is better then it is." "So what else do we have if not wigs?" "We have face!" "Eye-brows are becoming increasingly important right now." "I'm sorry, Ludmila Prokofievna, but since we have this talk let's take your brows for example." " What about my brows?" " This is not decent!" " Really?" " If you have such thick brows you have to fight it!" " How to fight it?" " You have to pluck them out." "To thin them out." " With what?" " Try tweezers." " Tweezers?" "My dear, but this must be painful!" " You are a woman - you can stand it." "A brow should be as thin as a thread, raised a little as if in surprise." " Like yours?" " Well, I'm not a model either." " Vera, it's possible only under anaesthetic... to pluck it." " But it's not the main thing either." "What d'you think is the difference between a business woman and... a Woman?" " What?" " The gait!" " Let's take you, how do you walk?" " How?" " But it's beyond understanding really!" "You crock, make a not of yourself, double yourself up as if you were an old torn boot and go to work as if piling with your legs." "And how do we walk?" " Oh my God, do I really walk like that?" " There should be a mystery in a woman!" "Your head should be raised a little, your eyes lowered a little, everything free here, your shoulders cast back," "the gait free from the hips." "Free relaxed plasticity of a panther before a jump." "Men always notice such a woman." " Is it possible to learn to walk like that or is it... beyond the reach?" " You know, even a hare can be taught to smoke." "Theoretically, everything is possible..." " Think so?" " for a person with brains." "There, stand up." "Put your dress in order." " Oh, I'm afraid I won't learn this skill." " Nonsense, you will." "Don't worry." "Head up." "Bust forward." " Bust?" "You're flattering me, Vera." " Everyone's flattering you." "Tuck yourself up from behind." "In the front too, your belly." " What?" "So is it here or t-there?" " Do what you are told." "Tuck yourself up everywhere." " Everywhere?" " Well, and now walk towards me, relaxed gait, legs relaxed from the hips, go!" "Ludmila Prokofievna, where have you got this vulgarity from?" "You're swaying your hips as if you were an indecent woman." " Nice, right?" " Yes, a good horse." "It's not a horse, it's a real mammoth." "Let's finish our journey at last, eh?" " And for whom is it?" " For Barovskyh." "For his jubilee - 50 years old." "But don't tell it to him!" "Don't tell!" "And where have you bought the goose?" " There are none left there." " You're a woman, not a soldier." " I've forgotten about it already." " More piquant, more!" "Playful smile!" "Let men think that everything's excellent in your life." "Breathe!" "More grace into plasticity!" "And don't kick, you're not a horse, you're a woman." "Now, walk by yourself, go!" "Jolly!" "..." "Where?" "Ludmila Prokofievna, where are you going to?" " Ludmila Prokofievna!" "Will you let us hide the horse at the back of the stage into a wardrobe?" " And w-w-why to hide it?" " Why?" "From Barovskyh so that he was not happy seeing it beforehand." " W-well, let's hide." "And w-where to hide?" " I am saying - into the wardrobe." " Ah, i-i-into the wardrobe." "And will it g-g-go into it?" " We'll squeeze it in!" " Shura, the Local Committee is sending for you urgently." " The Local Committee?" "Novoseltsev, hide the horse in the wardrobe." "I'm coming!" " Do you need me, Ludmila Prokofievna?" " No, Vera." "I'll c-c-come shortly, we'll f-f-finish things, s-s-sign things..." " Yes, will finish, will sign, will remember everything, come" " I'll be waiting." " Ludmila Prokofievna, what have you just been doing here, eh?" " P-put the horse down." " It's not heavy and I'm strong." "How did you spend yesterday evening?" "Are you all right?" " Why should I not be all right?" "D-do I look ill?" "I spent the evening wonderfully." " My f-f-friend came to visit me driving his own Volga." " Really?" "Is he so rich to have such a car?" " Ah, money isn't a problem for him." "He's a senior aircraft designer." "And we went to a restaurant." " Which one?" " Put the horse down, it's heavy, why are you g-g-grasping it like that?" " I've become united to it." " Which restaurant?" "We went to Aragvi." "We ate there; what else?" "Enjoyed ourselves." "Chickens "Tabaka"... satsyvi... kupaty... k-k-kebabs... chebureks..." " Chebureks?" " Chebureks..." " And what did you drink?" " Drank?" "We drank Hvanchkara wine, Bordgomi mineral water..." " But you don't drink!" " Why I don't drink?" "Very... do drink... why..." "I won't refuse a glass of good wine especially when I'm in a good company." "Why have you glued yourself to the horse?" "Put it down!" "You'll overstrain yourself." " No, I won't overstrain myself." "It's a small horse, it's a pony." "So... what happened after the dinner?" " You are too bold, comrade Novoseltsev!" "Put the horse down at last!" "Why are you holding it as if it were your own?" " I love animals." " So, what about you?" "How did you spend yesterday evening?" " I?" "Decently." "I went home by a trolley-bus, then I helped my elder son to do his home-work - he's in the second school year now." "Then I played with my younger one." "And then my wife..." " Eh?" " My wife served us the dinner." " Is your wife's name Lisa?" " She's so, fair with a plait?" " Yep, fair with a plait." " Is it your ex-wife?" "Do you have another now?" " No, the same, with a plait." " You don't have any wife, Anatoly Efremovich, and I know it well." "Why are you always lying?" " Because you're giving me an example, Ludmila Prokofievna." "I know well too that you don't have any aircraft designer." " Why are you taking liberties with me?" "What right have you got to do it?" "I'm still your director!" "Why have you dropped the horse?" "Why are you lying with it like this?" " We aren't lying, we have fallen." " Fallen?" " Yes." "From the horse." " Stop feigning!" " We feel bad." " Don't pretend." " No, really." " What are you?" "Will you stand up right now and go away together with the horse!" " We're in pain, we've got a bump." " A bump?" "Then you need to put something cold on it." " Yes, we've got work injury." " There's no bump." " It'll be in future." " If you are i-i-insisting, you need to put something c-c-cold on it." " Why are you helping me yourself?" "Leave me to your secretary." " When are you going to stop thinking of me as a director only?" " Ludmila Prokofievna, can you imagine" " Bublikov died!" " Why died?" "I haven't given him such an order!" "What do you mean - died?" "Why died?" "What for he died?" " I haven't found out yet." "Donate some money please, for a wreath." " How much?" " 50 kopeks, Novoseltsev." "For the wreath and orchestra." " Well, if anyone else dies or is born today, I'll be left without lunch." " Sign here." " Wait, let me first, I'm still you d-d-director." " Yes, let's sign by seniority." "Thank you." " Novoseltsev, why haven't you put the horse into the wardrobe?" "Why are you resting?" " We were not able to hold out till the wardrobe!" " So what are you?" "You... how?" "Are you there... better?" " I... no..." " What is it there?" "A b-b-bump?" "No, there's no b-b-bump, no." "Everything's OK." "Get up!" "Shall I help you?" "Stand up at last!" "And go to do your - what it is - work...." " The horse and I are sorry once again... that we here..." " So anyway, how are you feeling,Anatoly Efremovich?" " You know, to be honest, in comparison with Bublikov - not bad." " Well, go..." " Why are you going so often to the management area?" "Are you bringing my plan to life?" " No, I was with a horse here, doing some public work." " I see." " And Ura, listen, have you talked about my appointment?" " Well, you know, I haven't had a chance yet." "But I will." " No, that's good you haven't talked." "Don't." "Let everything be as it is." "I don't want to fill this vacancy." " You're strange." "Verochka, if Ludmila Prokofievna asks for me, I'm in the Ministry." " Ok." " Yes?" " Alena!" "Listen, brace yourself - otherwise you'll fall down!" "There's Ryzhova sitting next to you." "Dyed blonde; always carries string-bags." "Turn your head, will you?" "There she's sitting, with terrible roses on her dress." "Listen, she left me a letter to give to Samohvalov." "I've just come across it incidentally." "Listen, I understand it's not polite to read other people's letters but I started reading and could not tear myself away from it." "Listen here: "Dear Ura!" "I couldn't decide whether to write it or not for a long time." "Of course, you can't have the past back...", blah-blah..." "Here: "...when women are around 40 years old, they often do silly things..." - well, she might be in a better position to judge." ""..." "I understand that you are not interested in this..." Here: "...after our meeting with you I realized that during all these years I've loved only you..."" "You see it!" "She's retiring soon but she's still like that." "It's just a sexual revolution!" "Have you heard of anything of the kind?" "She must be crazy!" "But please, don't tell anything about it to anyone!" "That's it." "To be continued..." "OFFICE AFFAIR Part 2" " How much are these carnations?" " That bouquet 4.50, and this 2.50." " 2.50!" "No - 4.50!" "And keep the change." " I can't do it." "Here it is." "My heart is sair-I dare na tell," "My heart is sair for Somebody;" "I could wake a winter night" "For the sake o' Somebody." "O-hon!" "for Somebody!" "O-hon!" "for Somebody!" "I could range the world around," "For the sake o' Somebody." "I could range the world around." "Ye Powers that smile on virtuous love," "O, sweetly smile on Somebody!" "Frae ilka danger keep him free," "Frae ilka danger keep him free," "O-hon!" "for Somebody!" "O-hon!" "for Somebody!" "I wad do-what wad I not?" "For the sake o' Somebody." "I wad do-what wad I not?" " Let me in!" " Ask Novoseltsev to come to my office and bring the report." " Novoseltsev, come to Ludmila Prokofievna's office with your report." " Olenka, it's very sweet of you but you should know better." "Our life's settled already." "I do feel grateful and I appreciate your feelings but I beg you not to torture either of us." "You are a good girl." " When a woman's called a good girl it means she's an absolute fool, right?" " That's too much." "I wouldn't have it said." " You've become too polite, Ura." " I didn't know it was a drawback." " You don't have any drawbacks." "You have only virtues." "I'll write about your virtues in my next letter." " Good morning." "Is she in?" "What's the matter?" " Don't pay attention." "It happens to me sometimes." " Come in, take a seat." "Let's have a look." "Excellent." "You see, you can work well when you want it." " But I do love my job." "I think that you can't live well without statistics." "It would be a torture." " You know, an interesting thing has happened." "When I came to work this morning I saw these flowers on my table." " Really?" " I wonder who's brought them." " I've no idea." " No?" " No." " Isn't it a mystery?" " It is." " I know!" "It must have been Shura." " Which?" " It's a woman from Local Committee." "You know, Bublikov died first and then he did not die." "His namesake died but they called us." "They mixed it up." "But the wreath had been bought already." "Nobody knows if he's going to die again but the flowers will wither." "Shura takes them out from Bublikov, I mean from the wreath for Bublikov, arranges bouquets and gives to women." "I myself gave her the idea." " Alas, it won't work." " What won't work?" " I was the first to come to the office and the flowers were here already." "The fact that Bublukov is alive wasn't known yet." "So it won't work." " It won't." "So my idea's wrong." " I'm afraid yes." "So who could have done it?" " Why are you looking at me like that?" "D'you suspect that it's I who's brought this bunch?" " Why are you talking like that?" "It's not a bunch." "It's a beautiful bouquet." "And I think that it's you who's brought it." "But for some reason you don't have the courage to admit it." " It's ridiculous." "Why do you suspect me, such an honest person?" "To bring flowers to you?" "What for?" " Do you think that I can't be given flowers?" " Yes." "You can." "But you need something for it... that... that one... birthday... or... what's that..." "Women's Day." "But I wouldn't bring any flowers." " Why are you lying all the time?" " No!" "I'm not." "I haven't brought you any flowers." "Am I crazy?" "Or sick?" "Excuse me." "I have lots of work to do." " First you bring the flowers and then come here to slander me?" " I haven't slandered you..." " You can keep your bunch then!" " You'd never have thrown a bouquet at any other employee" "You must be not indifferent to me then?" " If you say another word I'll throw a carafe at you." " If you do it with carafe then you really ... me... this...that..." " Go away now." " Now." " And never come to my office if I haven't sent for you." "Is it clear?" " Clear." " And please be good enough to come only on visiting days." " I will be." " If you have any business to me arrange an appointment through the secretary first." "And without any serious business - don't come!" " Without - never." "Good bye." "I'll never come to you again." "For sure... all..." "Sorry." " It's not a public thoroughfare." " It won't happen again." "Where are the doors?" " In proper place." " Dad!" "Phone!" " Is it Uncle Misha?" "Tell him I'll call him back." " It's some unknown woman." " Let me find out." " I am really sorry." "I lost my temper yesterday and did not behave well." "May be it really wasn't you who'd brought that unfortunate bouquet?" " No, it was me actually." " Well, you know..." "That's enough!" "You are absolutely shameless!" " May I?" " Yes, come in." " Can I leave a letter once again please?" " Yes, I'll give it to him into his own hands." " I'm describing here my ideas for statistics improvement in light industry." " You know, I do understand you." "It's very important to improve statistics in light industry sector in particular." " Thank you." " It will be all right." " Good morning, Ury Grigorievich." " You'll make me enter my office through the window." "That's not good." " There's a letter for you." "From Ryzhova." " Listen, will you ask Shura to come to my office, please." "Why there always should be someone in my office during working hours?" "It should be done either in the evening or in the morning!" " They have the same working hours as we do." "The letter!" " Shurochka, I need to talk to you about something delicate." "I'm worried about the state of one of our colleagues." " I know who you're talking about." " Does anybody else ... knows?" " Our whole institution." " I see that our information system is excellent." "Than it makes it even more important to help her overcome this crisis." "To give her a helping hand." "Here." "Read this." " Aloud?" " It's up to you." " "My dear sweet Ura..."" "But this is very private!" " I conceal nothing from my collective." " Look, here she is!" " They're changing windows in my office." " Then it means mine is done already." " Do you need anything?" " It's an emergency!" "Ryzhova's head over heals about Samohvalov and is bombarding him with love letters." " How do you know?" " Here they are." " Where have you got them from?" " He's given them to me himself so that our community interfered and protected him." " Give them to me!" " It's all Ryzhova's fault." "She could have kept her feelings to herself." " As far as I know you work in Accountancy Department?" " I think so." " Do you remember it well?" "It would be really useful if you sometimes - from time to time - paid attention not only to public matters but also to your straight duties." "Vera, don't let anyone in!" " Can you imagine, Samohvalov gave me Ryzhova's letters..." " Bustard!" " But instead I was sent to the Accountancy Department!" " You deserve even worse!" " I have the letters you've given to Local Committee." "Unfortunately, I have a different point of view on the matter." "Such things should be dealt without the help of community." " It's easy to say..." " I'm ashamed of your behaviour." "You should be patient and tactful." " I meant well." " It's cruel to make the letters public." "It's a dirty work, don't you understand?" " That's ridiculous!" "I know Olya and her husband well." "They are an excellent match." "Why are you gossiping all the time?" " He gave me the letters himself to deal with them at Local Committee meeting." " Ury Grigorievich?" "At the meeting?" "F...k off!" "Go to your Accountancy Department!" "Or even further!" " Crazy!" "And I got free resort stays for his children!" " Viper!" "May I?" " I will talk to her again softly and nicely." " I'm glad that you have understood my point of view." " Have I borrowed 20 roubles from you?" "I want to pay you back!" " Why now and here?" " Right now and right here." "Will you count it, please?" " Yes, that's right." " Right?" " What?" "Are you nuts?" "I'm sorry, Ludmila Prokofievna." " Go on, don't be shy." " I'm not going to leave it like that." " And will you strike him back?" " Oh, I will by any means!" "But in a different way!" " Now, Comrade Novoseltsev, you've abased yourself completely." "What's that - you start a fight in your director's office?" " In Deputy's office." "Actually you are right." "Next time I'll beat him in your office." " You are not only a liar, a coward and a snot but also a brawler." " Yes, I am a hard nut to crack." " I'm afraid that I'll have to try to change you." " Yes, please, do." " I've been queueing!" "The old woman sent me to the Accountancy Department but I've escaped." "I'm really sorry for you, as a woman for a woman, but your behaviour is immoral!" "I didn't believe all that gossip - but Samohvalov told me himself." "I've read your letters." "What are they?" "You are married, you are a mother but you write such indecent letters." "I'd advise you to stop it." "Put it out of your head and return to your family, to the collective, to your work!" "That's the way things should be." " Why did he give them to you?" "Did he want to laugh at me?" " No!" "He just wanted to consult me how we can help you." " I've no doubt that you gave him a good piece of advice." "My heart is sair-I dare na tell," "My heart is sair for Somebody;" "I could wake a winter night" "For the sake o' Somebody." "O-hon!" "for Somebody!" "O-hon!" "for Somebody!" "I could range the world around," "For the sake o' Somebody." "I could range the world around," "Ye Powers that smile on virtuous love," "O, sweetly smile on Somebody!" "Frae ilka danger keep him free," "Frae ilka danger keep him free," "O-hon!" "for Somebody!" "O-hon!" "for Somebody!" "I wad do-what wad I not?" "For the sake o' Somebody." "I wad do-what wad I not?" " Come in!" "It's open." "Take your coat off." "Come in." "I'll be with you in a minute." "Come into the room." "Take a seat." " Don't hurry!" "I'm in the room." "Make yourself comfortable." "Don't be shy." "So why don't you say anything?" "This all... it doesn't become me?" "I should not have put it on." "I must look ridiculous." "If it's all in poor taste I'll take it off." "Of course, I'm not used to wearing this..." " You are a beauty, Ludmila Prokofievna!" " Do you really like it?" " Very much." " That's great!" "Well, let's take a seat." "Please." "Let's have dinner." " Yes." "Let's." "Would you..." "like some wine?" " Yes, sure!" "Help yourself too." "Here... is... there... wine." " OK." "Red or white?" " Or white!" " Or white." " But perhaps red!" " Perhaps." " Thank you." "Help yourself too." " I will." "Enough." " Let's propose a toast to something." " To what?" " I don't know." " Neither do I. So to what?" " Let's drink to everybody's health." " An excellent toast!" " Really?" "You like it?" " Very much!" "Let's drink." " Let everyone be healthy." " Yes, let them." "A little rough but I..." "Try the salad." "It's delicious." "And here's the fish too." "Thank you..." "But..." "It's not worth bothering..." "I'm grateful." " There..." "There are sweets." " I thought so..." "Thank you." " Can I help you?" " Just a little." "It's enough of greens." " Here..." "And the fish." " But just a little." " I've arranged an appointment to see you next Wednesday" " What for?" " It's private." " Why should we wait till Wednesday when we can discuss everything now?" "If you don't mind." " No, I don't." "Right now?" "But I don't know where to start." " Start somewhere." "Start with the most important." " With the most important?" " Well... start somehow." " I have a... proposal." " Rationalization?" " Kind of." " I'm all attention." "Excuse me." "Just a minute." "It's for you." "A woman." " No... it's a kid." "It's Vovka." "They are alone and I left them your... our... phone number." "What happened?" "Which paint?" "Why did you go out to the balcony?" "Go to bed quick." "And don't call anymore!" "When I get home I'll kill both!" "And I'll rub off everything!" "They don't have enough paint." " Which paint?" " Green." "I bought some paint to paint the balcony and they've painted the kitchen door." "So where were we?" " You've had some proposal to me." " I?" " No?" " Yes." "But I don't know what you'll think of it." " Will you tell me, please!" "Don't torture." "You make me nervous." " It's hot..." "I'm all sweating." "Can I have some water?" " Here are Bordgomi or lemonade." " It's all the same." "Would you like some too?" "Oh, lemonade, bubbles..." "Ludmila Prokofievna..." " Well, I... please." " Esteemed Ludmila Prokofievna." "No." "Dear Ludmila Prokofievna." "There." "I have children." "Two: a boy and ... a boy." "Two boys." "It's a burden." " How can you say that about kids!" " Don't interrupt me;" "I'll get confused without help." "Who are you?" "You are an excellent director; talented leader." "You are a striking woman." "Really!" "Don't argue." "That's true." "And who am I?" "A mediocre employee with mediocre salary and questionable appearance." " It's not true." " No, it's true." "And I'm afraid of you!" "Really." " Why?" " I don't know." "I'm talking now but trembling inside." " It's a shame." " I can't adorn your life." "Why should you need me?" "I have two children: a boy and a gi... boy." " You're lucky." "Let's drink to your health." " What have I done?" " You've ruined my new dress." " Sorry..." "You need salt." " You can't wash out red wine stains." " Take off the dress!" "Quick!" "No!" "Not now..." "Not here." "Why..." " So why are you telling me to take it off?" " I said without thinking." "I'll find some salt now!" " Stop it, really!" "Please, stop it." "I'm not going to wear it anyway." " Take a seat." "I'll sprinkle you with salt now and the stain'll disappear." " Leave it alone!" "Damn the dress!" "If you don't stop talking right now I'll burn the dress before your very eyes!" "Sit down!" "I'm so excited about you proposal." "You're not mediocre at all." "You're so attractive..." "And I'm the opposite..." "Why should you need me?" "Don't interrupt, please." "Don't say anything." "I've listened to you and haven't interrupted even once." "Let me have my say now." "Anatoly Efremovich..." "I'm all in work." "My life is settled in a way." "It's taken shape." "I'm a confirmed bachelor." "I'm used to ordering about..." "I'm hot-tempered and can spoil anybody's life..." "Even if he's very attractive..." "But this isn't the matter really..." "The matter is that I don't believe you." " Why?" " Well, I don't." " You've been the dearest person to me for several days already." " You're also dear to me." "I'm thinking of you more often than one may..." "But it doesn't matter." " It does." " I've had a sad story in my life already." "I dated a man." "We dated for a long time." "And then he married my friend." " I'm not going to marry your friend." " You can't do that." "I abolished all friends." "I destroyed them." "But it doesn't mean that I can marry you like that, in a rash." " I don't understand." "Do you refuse?" " No!" "Yes!" " Do you accept?" " I don't know." "Yes, Vova." "Of course, Vova." " What's the matter?" " Has anything happened?" " Yes." "They've dropped a cat into the drain-pipe." " Let's rescue the cat!" " Olenka, I'm waiting for you here." "How are you?" " I'm well." "I'm telling you about it every day in my letters." " My sweet, kind, lovely girl..." " What happened, Ura?" "Are you well?" " Don't sneer, Olya." "I'm reading your letters as if they were a poem." "I've never thought you can write like that." "I'm keeping the letters with me all the time." " Don't worry, I'm not going to write to you anymore." "You know, give me the letters back." "I don't want your wife to find them and make a scene." " I'm sorry." " It's incredible!" "I've been trying to rub off this terrible paint from 6am." "I tried with a knife, with soap but nothing helps." "You see what high-grade quality our paint is: nothing can take it off." " Tomorrow my Alexey is coming home." " I'm happy for you." "Say to him hello from me." "He's a first-class guy." " First-class..." "Will you come to our place on Sunday?" " I will." " I'm looking at you, Verochka, and thinking:" "if I was a careless person I'd - ooh!" " Olga Petrovna, good morning." "You look wonderful today." "I do like your work." "Come into my office when you can." "We'll chatter a little." "How is the cat?" " It said: better." " Just like that?" " Yes." "Just like that." " It's a wonderful cat." "The best cat in the world." " I've got an idea - let's go out tonight." "To a theater." " Splendid." "I haven't been in a theater for ages." "And what's on?" " I don't know." "It doesn't matter." " True." "It doesn't." "Let's go." "Good morning, Verochka." "Is comrade Kalugina in?" " Oh God, who is it?" " It's me." "Like it?" " Kikin'!" "You even look younger." " Am I a good pupil?" " Prodigy!" " Guess why I'm late." " You must have been in District Committee." " I overslept." "It's the first time in my life I've overslept." "And do you like my hair-do?" " The best ever possible!" " I agree." " Coffee?" " I can be abrupt and rude sometimes..." " That's a fact." " That's true, I have a terrible character." " Yes, horrid." " Will you forgive me, my dear, if I've ever hurt you?" " It's Ok." "I'm not an angel either." " Neither of us is." "Let's forgive each other." "To our health." " What an interesting reproduction of Jokonda." " Come on, it's not a reproduction." "It's our computer." "Barovskyh programmed it." "It's hung here for a month already." " I haven't noticed." "I've noticed nothing before." "Oh, I don't want it..." "I don't want it so much but I have to start working at last!" " Good morning, Ludmila Prokofievna." "You look wonderful today!" " I'll always look this way from now on!" " Verochka, can you tell me what the matter with Ludmila Prokofievna is?" " She's got an affair with Novoseltsev." "Don't you know?" "Everyone does." " Office affair!" " I'll help you!" " Thanks." "Any news, Ury Grigorievich?" " Everyone is talking of one thing only." " Which?" " I don't want to talk about it." " Tell me, please." " No!" "You'll find out without my help." " Why?" "Do tell me." "I want to be in the know." " I don't even know how to call it." " Call it somehow." " They say that Novoseltsev is wooing you." " It's true." "So what?" " Nothing." "But it's compromising you." " I've such a stainless reputation that it'd be better to have compromised it long ago." " But you don't know everything." "It's my duty to warn you." "Do you remember coming to my party?" " Of course." " It was then that Novoseltsev decided to go after you in order to be appointed a department head." "I don't want to blacken him." "He's very able and sure to handle the job." "It's easy to understand him." "A considerable rise in pay; and ambitions, of course." "You may think that I've thought it up in revenge but some things I could have known only from him." "For example, that he tried to treat you to a cocktail and you refused." "Or that you talked about mushrooms." " Vera, come into my office and bring a notebook." " I have a surprise for you." "Look, I've procured a body-shirt." "They say it's Carden." "Only 50 roubles." " Write down an order." "This is to appoint him a head of Light Industry Department with the salary according to the list of members of staff." "Signature - mine." " Who?" "You haven't said who." " Haven't?" "Novoseltsev Anatoly Efremovich." " Verochka, you look charming today." "I'll go in without knocking." "And don't let anyone interrupt us - we have a meeting." "She's not here and is not coming today." "So that your Ministers didn't bother us." " Sit down, comrade Novoseltsev." " I've locked the door." " Take a seat, please." " You too." "Please." " Take a s-s-seat." " I've bought two tickets." "But not for a theater - for a circus." "Do you like circus?" " Sitting on the table is not customary in my office." " Sorry." "I thought this rule didn't apply to me anymore." " I want to congratulate you, comrade Novoseltsev." "I've been thinking about the right candidate for a long time and decided that I won't find anybody more suitable." "You are determined, able, energetic, enterprising too enterprising." "I've signed your appointment as a department head." " Why?" "What have I done to you?" " Do you refuse?" " I just don't want to be appointed with that tone of voice." " You don't deserve another tone." " Why?" "What's the matter?" "What happened while I was away buying tickets?" " It happened much earlier." "And I give your ingenuity its due." " What?" "I haven't invented anything." " Don't be modest." "Why?" "To go after me so as to be appointed - isn't it an excellent idea?" " I knew that it would not end well." "Of course I didn't have any right to woo you for my career but I didn't know then that I'd fall in love with you." "You can't even imagine how far from it I was." " You are an awful person, Novoseltsev." " I?" " You." "Your conduct doesn't have a name." "And you don't even realize how nastily and disgustingly you've behaved." " I have attenuating circumstances." "I love you." "I do." " I don't believe you." " But you believed Samohvalov." " Well, that's enough." "Go to do your work." "You have a new interesting post now." "You'll need lots of skills and strength to cope with it." "You'll need to concentrate." "You've got what you wanted." " And what about the circus?" " I have enough of it in real life." " May be..." " No..." "There's no "may be"." " Then I refuse the appointment." "I have to pay too much for it." " You are lying again." " No." "It's not the time for lying." " Go." "I'm not interested in these nuances anymore." "Go to your desk." " Where's the appointment paper?" " With the secretary." " Give me my appointment paper." " Yes, I still remember your voice." " You know, I've realized why we split up." "We need a child." " Do you want us to have a child?" " Yes." "The sooner the better." " But I can't leave now." "It's two more hours before the end of the working day." " Why don't you greet me, Tolya?" " Good morning, if it pleases you." " Tolya!" "I don't want to have any uncertainty between us." " It seems to me that everything is certain." " Though it's not easy for me to admit but it's well done!" "I've started respecting you." "You did have a reason to hit me." " You'll go far." " Novoseltsev's left his resignation." " Are you serious about leaving?" " Yes, I've found another job." "Close to my home, the salary is better and the job itself is bigger-scaled." " Do you think I know nothing?" "You're leaving because of her." " Ask Novoseltsev to come to my office." " Anatoly Efremovich, Ludmila Prokofievna is sending for you." " I've read your resignation, comrade Novoseltsev." " You've read it in a peculiar style." "It's easy to write another one." " I'll do the same with a new one." " I'll write a third, forth and fifth." "I'm not going to work for you." "I don't want it and I won't!" " You will, comrade Novoseltsev." " I won't, comrade Kalugina." " I don't give you leave." " You will." " You're irreplaceable." " Such don't exist." "You'll find another man." "More decent; more honest; who doesn't lie." " I guess you also want to find another director, younger and more beautiful." "Don't you?" " I do, I do." "Besides, it's not a problem." " You always burst into my office to slander me." " I don't burst but you send for me, tear me away from work." " I haven't sent for you!" " Yes, you have!" " Go and do your work!" "Who's holding you?" " I can't." "You are holding me." "You won't sign my resignation so I can't leave." " Write it." "I will sign." "I'll do it with great pleasure." "Write." "The paper is shameless anyway." " I am writing." " I'll get rid of you with pleasure." " Here." "Finished." " By the way, I hope you haven't suffered much financially?" "The circus tickets won't be wasted?" " I'll flog them in speculative price." " I've never doubted your practicality." "Let's read it, let's be curious." " Do, please." "What is it?" " Such a shame." "It's drawn up incorrectly." "You haven't put down the reason of your resignation." " Where should I put it?" " Are you OK with wasting the paper?" " Yes, I am." "Our paper industry works well." " Write quickly." "I have lots of work." " Your "lots" can wait." " Quicker, please." " I can't." " Did you study badly at school?" " No." "I studied well." " I knew that you got the worst marks in school." " Let's leave my shadowy past alone." " Let's read it." " You'll oblige me." " So you are leaving..." " I am leaving and you are staying." " So what's the reason of your leaving?" " You can read it there." " You're leaving because the director of your company is... petty tyrant?" "Tyrant-ess." " What a kind, sensitive, hearty person!" " Will you stop bullying me at last!" " What a touchy person!" " Yes, I am!" " How peculiarly and wonderfully you treat me." "Nothing can be said." "You are a true modern man." " What right have you got to slander me like this?" " Come on!" " If you are a director, you think you can do everything?" "To humiliate!" "To disgrace!" " You - yes!" " To beat me?" " Yes." "And it's not enough even." " To be rude! "Old stick"!" "Real "old stick"." " "Old stick"?" "Well!" " What are you doing, Ludmila Prokofievna!" "It hurts!" "Not with this, please!" "Please, be careful." "Have a mercy!" "You'll kill me!" " Nothing can kill you!" "Take that!" " I'm forced to protect myself." "Take care, Ludmila Prokofievna!" "Don't fall." "And leave me alone, please." "You'll mutilate a valuable employee." "The country will be deprived of work force!" "Don't hit me on head, it's my tender point." "My glasses - it's first!" "You bruised me - it's second!" "I've lost all patience!" " What's it?" " Calm down." "It's shower." "I'll wipe it." "I'll dry it." "I'll wash it." "Not with a chair, please!" "What are you doing?" "Put the chair down!" "Vera, come to the rescue of the father of two children!" " Rotter!" " Don't hit a man when he's down!" "It's the tender point!" "Vera, help me!" " Vera, he called me an "old stick"!" " It tickles!" " Put Vera down!" "I'll destroy you!" "I'll mutilate you!" "I hate you!" "Let me go!" " Where are you going?" " Drive straight!" "In 9 months the Novoseltevs have got another boy."