"[RONNIE SNORING]" "[SCRATCHING AND RUSTLING]" "[SCRATCHING]" "[CHITTERING]" "[GASPS]" "Okay, guys, why don't you tell me why you're fighting." "How can I help if I don't know what the problem is?" "What's going on at the house?" " Mom saw a beaver." "DARBY:" "She thought she did." "RAY:" "What's that mean?" "DARBY:" "Nobody else saw it." " So you draw your own conclusions." " Are you calling her a liar?" "Well, where did it go?" "Beaverland?" "RAY:" "Guys." " Maybe your fat friends ate the beaver." "Or maybe Mom ate one of your stupid scones and hallucinated it." "Guys, guys, knock it off." "What's up with you two?" "You never used to fight like this before." "Tell your mom she can borrow my traps if she needs to." " You tell her." " Well, your mom and I are not in the best place right now." "Because she's having a baby with Ronnie?" "You guys are divorced." "What do you care?" "I don't." "I'm just trying to be helpful." "Mom, I'm excited, I'm excited." "What do you want from me?" "VERA-JOAN [ON PHONE]:" "We need to celebrate life's victories." "Are you coming to my dinner or not, Tanya?" "Mom, it's great that you're chair of cinema studies but, you know, I have a life too." "I have to go." "Hi, Frances." "Thank you so much for meeting me." "I'm so sorry." "What happened was not right and not professional." "We don't bait and switch like that." "I promised you one thing and you got" "If you'll permit me, I would like to reintroduce you to Richard, free of charge." "I'm not interested in Richard." " I understand." " I'd like to book Mike." "[CHUCKLING] Mike?" "You like Mike?" "You guys had a good time?" "Well, yes, we had a nice time under the circumstances." "Mike was very considerate and he has a very attractive speaking voice." "I'm so happy to hear that." "So I would be willing to book him again." "That is, if we could work it out on a weekend basis." "I" " A weekend basis?" "Let's face it, Tanya your hourly rate is too high." "I want a flat rate." "Flat rate?" "Fifteen hundred dollars a weekend unlimited hours." "Fifteen hundred?" "That's fair." "I will call Mike and I will" " I will let him know the details." " Good." "I'd rather not talk money with" "It's odd, but I'd be embarrassed." "Somehow it's nicer to pretend." "Yeah." " God!" "TANYA:" "Hey!" "Ray, Ray, we did it!" "We did it!" " We did it!" "We did it!" " What?" " We did it!" " Hey, would you put that away?" "This is a neighbourhood." "Where'd you get that?" "Mike." "Frances is very taken with Mike." "Frances wants Mike to come back." "Ray." "Ray, wait." "Seriously, look at this." " Ray, come on." "Come on, Ray." " Shit." "TANYA:" "I know it's not what we planned." "It's not what we planned." "But, really, it's a terrific turn of events." " So Frances paid all that money for Mike?" " Yes, for the whole weekend." "Ray, she can't get enough of him." "So you" " You go to Mike and you talk to him for me." "And you make the introductions." "Explain to him that I'm in charge of negotiations." "You just screw Lenore, Ray." "This is a whole new business model." "This is me and you and Mike." "Tanya, I need you to give that money back." " What?" " He likes her." "He won't even take the 500 bucks for the date." "He thinks it's about dinner and being her companion." "Like a dating service." "He's got no idea about the rest of it." "Okay, okay." "So we go to him and we ask him and we see what he says." "He's a grown man." "He can make his own decisions." "I've known Mike for 15 years." "Not gonna do it." "Okay?" "You know, for the first time the guy's got a spring in his step." "Maybe they have a shot." "What?" "Why do you want me to fail?" "I don't want you to fail, Tanya." "I want us to succeed, okay?" "Just not with Mike and not with Frances." "I know how hard you worked on this whale, okay?" "But we can find other" "How are we gonna get other clients when you keep driving them away?" "You find some reason to sabotage them all." "I do not do that." " I try hard." " Okay." "Look at this." "Just look at" " Look at this." "This" " This is what Mike got after one night." "Okay?" "This is more than you ever brought in in a whole week, okay?" "So, what does he got, I'm wondering, that you don't have?" "Cut it out." "I think maybe he and Frances hit it off." "I mean, Mike got lucky." " Obviously." " Yeah, you're jealous." "You don't want Mike around because you think he'll outperform you." " Ridiculous." " You can't stand to think that somebody might be a better lay than Ray Drecker." "Tanya, I never got a shot with her." "Remember me?" "I am the guy who gets the crazy ones and the married ones and the pregnant ones." "Yeah, you do." "Yeah, you do." "And where are all those satisfied customers now?" "Where's Molly?" "Where's Claire?" "Where's Moby Dick?" "She's with Mike, Ray." "And me and you, we're with no one." "And I just think it's time that we ask ourselves why." "RONNIE:" "Thank you, John." "We will get back to you." "JESSICA:" "Ron?" " One second, honey." " I'm getting rid of the exterminator." " What'd he say?" "So there's no beaver scat." "There's no other indicators." "Plus this isn't even their natural habitat." "But I saw it, Ron." "There was a beaver sitting right there." "Beaver is dirty animal." "Carries giardiasis." "Beaver fever." "I know what I saw, Ron." "Why won't you believe me?" "I'd love to, but a very competent man just told us otherwise." " The beavers, they gnaw at foundation." " We got it, Ma." "Destroy property values." "Let's just see if this beaver turns up again." "Ron, I am not bringing a baby into a house full of beavers." "It's always something with you, Jess." "Today it's beavers, tomorrow, what, locusts?" "It's not her fault you have beaver problem." "Ah!" "Ooh!" "Damn popcorn." "Aye!" "RAY:" "Frances met Mike and she couldn't get enough of him." "Was I missing something?" "What did he have that I didn't?" "There you are." "[RAY SIGHS]" " Hi." " Where is she?" "She's in the back reading room." " Okay." " Wait, Ray." "I know we're acting like everything's normal, but I sense something is up." "Are you mad at me about Jessica?" " Did you see her?" " I did." "Then I'm still mad about it." "Don't be, Ray." "I know you are having all these emotions because she hired a gigolo and almost got you." "But that's not my fault." "How was I supposed to know Jessica is your ex-wife?" "Look, I am her only friend, okay?" "She needs me." "Why would I tell her about us?" "Why would I do that?" "I'm your pimp." "I protect you." "I don't get why you're being so suspicious." "Did Tanya put anti-Lenore ideas in your head?" "I'm gonna be late, Lenore." "[LENORE SIGHS]" "Fine, she's back there." "Second table to the left." " Dark hair, red flowered dress." " Thank you." " Richard?" " Hi." "Hi, I'm Liz." "You" " You like libraries, huh?" "Yeah, I love them." "And I figured, you know, I don't know you, so...." " Yeah." " You want to walk around?" "Yeah, sure." "Great." "I'm thinking we just talk right now." "What would you like to talk about?" "Oh." "Um...." "[WHISPERS] About sex." "[WHISPERS] Well, say anything." "Right." "The thing is I don't love sex." "Why not?" "I don't understand what the deal is." "RAY:" "Uh-huh." "I mean, I'm normal." "Everything about me is normal." "It's just ever since I was a kid I would see these women in movies and they would be screaming, "Oh, yes." "Oh, yes"..." "...and sweating and fucking and loving it." " Shh." "And for me sex is like not that." "It's...." "RAY:" "Maybe, uh..." "...you had the wrong lover." " Exactly." "Maybe." "So I thought, you know, someone who knows a lot about women." "Someone who's a total stranger to me." "A white guy like you who's not gonna know anyone I know might be good." "I mean, you are an expert, right?" "Kind of." "[CLEARS THROAT]" " Yeah." " So, what do you think?" "I think I'm the right man for the job." "[MACHINE BEEPS]" "RAY [ON RECORDING]:" "Hey, Jess." "So the kids said you had a beaver running around." "Anyway, if you want I still have those traps." "JESSICA:" "He called me." " Really?" "Offered to help with the beavers." "I didn't call back." "[LENORE CHUCKLES]" "Meanwhile, Ron does nothing." "I mean, maybe I should call him." "Because, believe me, Ray would be over in a flash." " Do you think he's still hot for you?" " Who knows?" "I don't care." "He's so...." "Every time I look at him, I think, "That's over." "That is over."" "I can't." "I can't go there." "But he's sexy, don't you think?" "Sometimes." "But then at other times he's just so stuck." "I know, in that burnt-out house." "Yeah, he can't get it together." "How'd you know Ray's house burnt down?" " What?" " You just said, "Ray's burnt-out house"?" " Oh, because I ran into him." " You did?" " Mm-hm." " Why didn't you tell me?" "I know I should have, but...." "Okay, listen, Jess." "I got his phone number." "I feel bad." "I like him." "You like him?" "It's just I always date jerks, you know?" "And he's like a real guy." "Like straight up." " You know?" " Oh." "If it bothers you I won't take it further." "You're asking my permission to call him?" "I swear I'll do whatever you want." " I don't want to hurt you." " Okay, I" " Call him." "I think you should call him." "You're single, he's single." "I mean, definitely." "Definitely." "And do, you know whatever." " Thank you." " Ha-ha-ha!" "[RONNIE SNORING]" "[SCRATCHING]" "[MACHINE BEEPS]" "RAY [ON RECORDING]:" "This is Ray." "I lost my old phone in the fire." "So make sure and leave your number." "Ray." "Hi." "Sorry it's 2:00 in the morning but those beaver traps you were talking about could you bring them by tomorrow and leave them out front?" "Why?" "Why is it everybody all at once?" "It's like there's all this crap." "I never thought I'd say this." "But I think Ray might be deliberately trying to sabotage me." " Who's Ray?" " My prostitute." "Oh, right." "That one ho that you share." "That I temporarily share." "Don't rub it in." "MAN:" "Thank you." " Just fucking with you." " Thank you." "Come on." "MAN:" "Mm-hm." "TANYA:" "So should I give the money back?" " You're asking me?" " Well, no." "I mean, yeah." "I mean, I can't keep it." "I'd be wracked with guilt." " For how long?" " What do you mean?" "For how long would you be feeling guilty, huh?" "For a minute?" "An hour?" "A month?" "A year?" " What?" " I don't know." "I've never taken anything before." "So how would I know?" "Number one, you didn't take the cash." "You earned it." "And number two there are worse things than guilt, girl." "Let me see this." "She's cool." "I got you." "Hey, come here." "You like this?" " It would look good on you." " Really?" "Mm." "It is sweet." "Hey, do you want this?" "No, I can't afford it." "No, you don't got to afford it." "You just got to tell me, do you want it?" "[DOORBELL RINGS]" " Hi." " Hey." "You could have left them." "You didn't need to ring the doorbell." "Yeah, you sure you don't need help setting these things up?" "Ronnie can do it." "I mean, he's" " He's not home now." "But he's gonna be home any minute." "I'm not sure he believes me." "There's no lake, so...." "What do you think?" "Well, if you saw a beaver then you saw a beaver." " What's taking so long?" " This is delicate business." "You said a few minutes." "Well, I like my thumbs." "[RAY GRUNTS]" "Your shirt's inside out." "So?" "So you gonna leave it like that or are you gonna fix it?" " You happy?" " Yeah." " Nice of you to help." " Once an Eagle Scout..." "...always an Eagle Scout." " You were never a scout." "Clearly I got my beaver trap merit badge." "[JESSICA CHUCKLES]" " Better concentrate on this." " Hi, Ron." "Ray just stopped by with some traps." "I thought I said I was taking care of this." " I know, but" " I'm sorry, what is that thing?" "This is your standard beaver trap." "It'll take care of your beaver problem." " I don't have a beaver problem." " Well, if you did, you know it's a clean kill." "Get those death traps off my property." "Ronnie, Ray was just trying to help." "[JESSICA GASPS]" " What the hell?" " You said to dismantle it." " That's how these things work." " Not these traps." "These traps, they're humane." "They do not kill the animal." "If you ever used those things before you'd know that they malfunction." "Misfire, break the beaver's legs." "RONNIE:" "That's not true." " Then you'd have to shoot the beaver." "Or hit it over the head with a shovel." " Ohh." " I'm gonna ask you one more time nicely." "Please take those traps back to your house." "Good luck." "He just showed up." "[PEOPLE LAUGHING]" "Lisa, how perfect." " From one chair to another." " Trust me it's the only way you're gonna keep your department in line." "Here, pass that down." "You are all so thoughtful." "Thank you." "Anyone, more vino?" "Yes." "Oh, wait, one more." "One more over here." "One more." "Oh, Tanya." " What is it?" " Open it." "Oh, my goodness." "The pendant is diamond-encrusted and the chain is 1 8-carat gold." "Oh, it's so urban." "I love it." "Tanya, this is a lovely impulse." "Well, Mom, thank you." "I know it's not your style." "But I thought you'd get a kick out of it." "Considering how much I paid for it." "[CLEARS THROAT]" "The diamonds are real." "Okay, sweetheart." "I mean, I paid a lot, you know?" "It's from money I earned at my job." "From your temp job." "No." "Actually I've started a new business venture..." "...and it's really quite successful." " The fortune cookies?" "No, Mom, that's Lyric Bread." "And that's not what I'm talking about." "This is...." "It's" " It's kind of a new twist on an old industry." " Have I heard of it?" "TANYA:" "If not yet, then you will." "Our brand recognition among Detroit women is growing stronger every day." "I recently brought on our most lucrative client." " Do you have a website?" " Actually, Marvin, we don't." "But that's a really interesting idea." "VERA-JOAN:" "Okay, Tanya, you have to tell us what it is." "When Tanya was 10 she told me that The New Yorker wanted to publish her haiku." " I sent it in." " Darling, you're an adult now." "Why don't you return this?" "Put the money towards your rent." "Listen, you know, I think I need some more wine." "We're not going home, I'm just warning you." "WAITER:" "Whenever you're ready." "Oh, wait, I got it." "I got it." "I'm paying." "MARVIN:" "Tanya, there's no need." " Let's see...." "Eight hundred and forty dollars, gratuity included." "Tanya, put that away." "You're acting very strange." " And you're-- TANYA:" "Embarrassing myself?" "I'm not embarrassing myself, Mom." "I'm proud of myself." "I'm passionate." "And for your information, I'm not a temp anymore." "I've got a new job now." "Honestly, I'm rolling in it." "The best part of it is I'm following my dream." "I'm doing what all you fine people are afraid to do." "[WHISPERING] Chair of cinema studies?" "Bullshit!" "Mother, I'm a fucking baller, Mom." "It's a cute gift." "It's very creative." "Is that okay?" " Yeah, so far so good." " Cool." " How about that?" " Still pretty good." "You know, you can tell me if something's not working for you." "Maybe a little less talking." "Right." "Okay, I can do that." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." " Come on." "Come on." " Um...." "It's all right." "It's okay." "You know what?" "I'm good." "What?" "It's okay." "You don't have to finish." "You--?" "You don't want to?" "Sorry, I just" "I get kind of bored." "Wait, because you're" "You're giving up too easy." "No, seriously, Richard, it's" "Everything's-- This happens all the time." "Usually I just fake it but we can just skip that part." "Hey." "Okay." "How about I, um...?" "Why don't I go down on you?" "That's usually a big hit." "Oh, no." "Thanks anyway." " Come on, Liz, you can't just" " Richard, it's fine." "I want to try again." "Come on." "You know what?" "Guys always want to keep trying." "But I am paying for it and I want to quit." "I'm a human ice cube." "God, what am I gonna do?" "[KNOCKS]" " What are you doing here?" " I have concerns, Ray." " You don't trust me anymore." " I never trusted you." "Ha." "So how'd Liz go?" "Oh, it was all right." "She's a work in progress." "I don't know." "You'll figure it out." "You're really fucking sexy, Ray." "That's why I'm a fan." "I believe in you." "And I believe in your dick." "Don't ever doubt yourself." "It's kind of chilly out here." "Aren't you gonna ask me in?" "Come on, we need each other." "Let me in." "Jess if you say there was a beaver then there's probably a beaver." "Thanks, Ron." "It means a lot to me." "[TRAP SNAPS] [BEAVER CHITTERING]" "[CRUNCH] [BEAVER SCREECHING]" "Ohh." "His leg is broken." "Oh, God." "[CLANGING]"