"TV NARRATOR:" "Well, the fish don't seem to be biting today." "That's why you've just gotta like being out here." "Just sit back and enjoy the wait." "We've really got to find the remote." "* Tell me why I love you like I do" "* Tell me who can stop my heart as much as you" "* Let's take each other's hand" "* As we jump into the final frontier" "* I'm mad about you, baby" "* Yeah!" "All right, which sounds better, Jamie Buchman Public Relations, or Jamie Buchman Public Relations, Inc.?" "Hey, guess what!" "JAMIE:" "Careful!" "Thank you." "Mr. Wicker." "MR. WICKER:" "Sorry." "Hey, baby, you remember that grant application I put in for last month?" "Sure." "I'm a finalist." "I thought you weren't gonna wear that tie." "Yeah, isn't it?" "That's so great!" "Yeah, isn't it?" "What grant is that?" "It's a documentary I'm working up on the history of television." "Oh, you know the Delahantys downstairs?" "We don't know anybody in the whole building." "We know across the hall." "And they hate us." "So, we're done." "Who are the Delahantys?" "3-G." "Big radiator problems." "PAUL:" "Oh, yeah?" "But he's on all sorts of grant committees." "Harrison Delahanty?" "Yeah." "Same guy as this?" "Yeah, I'll introduce you." "Oh, you know, I don't want to seem too..." "Very casual, don't worry." "If he wants heat, he'll do what I tell him." "If things work out, maybe you can do something for my wife." "Remember, she did that commercial last year for NyQuil." "She was very convincing." "Oh, you kidding?" "We almost sent her soup." "Just the tip of the iceberg." "She's on Another World, that soap opera, on Friday." "No kidding?" "Oh, yeah." "She got a line and everything." "It's the first time." "Make sure you watch." "We will." "MR. WICKER:" "Great." "PAUL:" "Absolutely." "Hey, Mr. Wicker, listen, thank you." "That's-- That's very nice of you." "Wow!" "50 bucks!" "What'd I do?" "(CHUCKLES) I love that joke." "This is very exciting!" "I don't think you understand, it's finalists." "So that means like, they're down to the final..." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" "What did I do?" "I'm all organized, almost." "What is all this stuff?" "They're my client files." "You have one client, Ira." "From before." "I'm trying to drum up some business." "I promise, I'll have all this stuff out of your way by tomorrow." "It's all right, whatever." "You hungry?" "No, I want to finish this first." "Oh, good, me neither." "I want to really get cranking up on this thing." "They're telling me now they want an oral presentation next week, so..." "TV PRESENTER:" "...priced just under $12,000." "But now, with the factory" "$500 cash-back offer..." "What are you doing?" "What am I doing?" "Could you watch TV later?" "I'm trying to work." "I'm not watching TV," "I'm studying the history of a culture." "This is important research." "(THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW THEME PLAYING)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Starring Andy Griffith and Ronny Howard." "Maybe you could take the TV into the bedroom." "We don't have cable in the bedroom." "Well, I'm working." "Well, so am I." "We have a problem." "Fortunately, you are married to a problem-solving kind of guy." "Thank you very, very much." "See?" "This is good!" "You're working, I'm working, nobody's getting hurt!" "Everybody's working!" "(LAUGHING LOUDLY)" "(MAN CHATTERING ON TV) No, no, no." "I'd say with the right campaign, we can increase your business demographically across the board." "Well, you know, you got to spend money to make money." "JAMIE:" "Uh-huh." "All right, well, let me just read you what I have, okay?" "Listen, I've already done the research" "(MAN CHATTERING ON TV) on the kind of sales this can generate." "I'm sorry." "What?" "I can't hear you." "(TURNS TV OFF) Yeah, let me just read you the figures." "(TURNS TV ON) Contest promotion, 18%." "Direct mailing, 23%." "Uh, yeah." "Print media, 22%." "I'm working here!" "So am I!" "Well, can you please do something else?" "JAMIE:" "Cross-tie-ins, 11%." "So it seems like..." "Okay, fine." "Can I use the phone, please?" "Seriously, I have to call Ira." "Excuse me." "I'm really sorry." "Do you think we can continue this in a little bit?" "Thanks a lot." "Bye-bye." "Look, do you want me to rent my own office?" "We decided we can't afford that." "Okay, fine, then tomorrow I'm gonna call the cable guy and get cable in the bedroom." "Forget about that." "Hey, it's me." "Really?" "You were just talking to Ira?" "Yes." "He's my client." "He's Ira." "So what?" "Just 'cause you used to take baths with somebody, he doesn't count?" "One time at grandma's house." "What?" "Two times." "I'm going to meet you at the gym at 5:00, all right?" "Bye." "Want to call your client back?" "Very funny." "It's not funny." "It's not not funny." "Careful!" "Get me, I'm Dick Van Dyke." "All right." "I'm sorry." "You really hate this, don't you?" "I don't really love it so much." "Well, then let's get cable in the bedroom." "Forget about it." "I'm not gonna pay them for another connection." "How expensive can it be?" "It's not even the point." "It's just so rude of them to ask." "I mean, nobody asks, "Does the water company charge you by the faucet?"" "No, but it's..." ""Or the electric company by every socket?"" "No, but it's only..." "And like other examples I can't even think of that would be better." "All I'm saying is, I don't want a TV in the bedroom." "(DOORBELL BUZZING)" "Why not?" "Just 'cause it's-- it's a bad idea." "Why?" "See, I don't know, 'cause it changes everything." "How?" "Hi." "I found those charts you wanted." "Hi." "It just" " It just does." "Hi." "Well, now I'm convinced." "Thanks." "Listen, you may know you better than me, and you may even know me better than me, but I know us, better than you, and I'm telling you it's a bad idea." "Well, so what are we gonna do?" "I don't know." "We'll figure it out." "How?" "Hey, anybody using your house today?" "No." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "No, him." "It'll be fine, yeah." "Could I have your keys?" "Oh, me?" "You." "Sure." "Yeah." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "No, him." "Yeah." "It'll be good." "Thank you." "Bye." "Bye." "What is going on?" "Just a little crowded." "I'm working, and he's watching TV." "You win." "No, no, no." "It's work, watching TV." "It's for this project he's doing." "Nobody's right, and nobody's wrong." "I'm a little bit more right, but that's not important." "Did you and Mark have cable in the bedroom?" "We have cable all over the joint." "Wasn't it expensive?" "What are you talking about?" "Don't they charge per room?" "Only if you tell them." "Do you have it?" "Not yet." "Over more." "Over, over more." "No, back." "Did you cut your hair?" "Gino!" "Swing it!" "Better?" "Yep!" "Yep!" "(SIGHS) Yep!" "No." "(SCATTING)" "JAMIE:" "Sorry!" "I told you, those goggles, they make my eyes sweat." "Let it go." "Hi." "Hey, guess who I just missed?" "Who?" "Harrison Delahanty, the grant guy." "Wicker said we missed the shared elevator thing like by two seconds." "You'll get him next time." "Here are those statistics I told you about." "Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?" "I'm her client." "No, no, no, you're Ira." "I thought no business." "We're going to have dinner." "Fine." "We'll talk about this at our meeting tomorrow." "Where you going?" "What?" "Nothing." "Go ahead." "Be enthusiastic." "All right!" "There's a TV in the bedroom." "Surprise." "All right!" "TV in the bedroom!" "What could be better than that?" "What the hell's the matter with him?" "Well, it's exciting, honey." "I thought we settled this." "You can work now out of the comfort of your own bedroom, isn't that great?" "No." "All righty." "I just don't like the fact that we agree on something, and the minute I'm out the door, you call the cable company..." "The truth is, I didn't actually..." "Hey, wait a minute, you called the cable company?" "No, no, we're gonna steal it, like you." "It's air waves!" "I could've hooked you up for free!" "Forget about it." "Come on, everybody does it." "Well, not us." "Why not?" "Because it's wrong." "It's just wrong." "If you want something, you buy it." "And if not, then you live without it." "You don't just take something." "That's why they have jails, for just that kind of thing." "You know?" "Would you please tell him?" "It's just wrong." "(CHATTERING ON TV)" "Oh, that's..." "Who is that guy?" "It's not him." "Do you like that?" "Not to buy." "Hey, what'd you do, you ordered the Blue Channel?" "Wow." "It must have come with the package." "Yeah." "Do you think she's pretty?" "I think she's naked." "Okay, you know that those aren't real." "I don't care." "God." "All right, all right." "One second, please." "All right." "One second, please." "Wow." "Wow!" "Oh, good for them." "See, that never happens when we order a pizza." "Hello." "Hey." "Picture a little fuzzy to you?" "Mmm." "I didn't notice." "Seriously, wait a sec." "Excuse me." "Look at..." "Like, the yellows." "Look at the yellows, that's..." "Something is really wrong." "It's not like that in the living room, is it?" "Honey, you know, we were kind of in the middle of..." "I'll be right back, right back." "They're just yellows." "Hey, we're paying for it, aren't we?" "Yeah, you know, sure, we are." "Come on back to bed." "I'll make it worth your while." "Try channel nine." "What do you have on nine?" "Benny Hill." "Details." "A girl, a bench, and him." "PAUL:" "There's no tricycle?" "There's always a tricycle." "I said be specific." "See?" "Look-- Look at that picture." "It looks fine." "Nope." "Better in here." "Honey, I guarantee you'll have a better time in here." "You know what, it's really hard to compare like this." "Well, then don't!" "Just come back to bed!" "Really!" "There's no comparison, it's better in there, but you gotta come fast." "I believe you, I believe you, I believe you!" "Ah, this is absolutely, you know what, it's crazy." "I'm going to call the cable company tomorrow." "Why?" "Because I'm not paying for bad reception." "We got it on special." "So?" "We'll seem ungrateful." "If we're paying for it..." "All right, fine, fine, fine." "I will call them tomorrow." "Now, where were we?" "I'm so exhausted now." "Oh, okay." "Meanwhile, this casual meeting of yours has taken three hours." "You sure this guy doesn't take the stairs?" "You don't know Harrison Delahanty." "I know, that's why I'm here." "(BELL DINGING)" "Third floor." "It's gotta be him." "All right, all right, do I look casual?" "Lean a little." "Hello, Wicker." "Not him?" "Not him." "Now, don't blame yourself." "This is just nuts." "Gotta have a little patience." "You know?" "It's like fishing." "Lobby." "I gotta use the john." "Didn't I tell you to go before we left?" "11, please." "Do you see how you never notice service people?" "Wow, you're still doing this?" "And I'm getting good at it, too." "I gotta get out of here." "Are you going to be home for the next couple of hours?" "Yeah." "I have some stuff to do for my meeting." "All right, good, 'cause the guy said he'll be here between 12:00 and 4:00." "What guy?" "Cable guy." "You called them?" "Yeah." "So?" "You called them?" "Yeah." "I help out." "Yes, I would consider that a special." "Who raised you, Sacco and Vanzetti?" "They weren't thieves, they were anarchists." "Anyway, it was Fran's idea." "Is this it?" "No, no, no, no." "That's electric." "Here." "Wow, so which one is ours?" "It's one of these." "Thank you." "Wait a sec, wouldn't it be..." "I figure 11, 11 up, and then 4 over is 11-D." "Must be this, right?" "Yeah." "MAN: (SHOUTING) Hey, who's..." "Nope." "Try 11 from the top." "All right, wait a second." "How's that?" "MAN: (SHOUTING) Son of a..." "Oops." "Paul." "Honey, I'm narrowing it down." "Paul!" "What?" "Hey." "Oh." "My, you're prompt." "What are you doing?" "In the sense of what?" "Buchman?" "Yeah." "No." "11-D?" "No." "Yes." "You're not gonna believe what happened." "Try me." "Here's the situation." "We woke up this morning, my wife and myself, we woke up and in our bedroom we had cable reception, where formerly we had not." "So, you know, we decided to come upstairs and see just how the heck that could've happened." "And then, lucky for you, now you're here, you can unhook it for us." "What's happened to this country?" "Do you know what?" "I'm so glad you said that." "Seriously." "I was trying to explain to my wife before." "Stop me if I'm lying." "There is definitely..." "There's a difference between honesty and what she has done, and, you know what, now that we've both straightened her out," "I think we can go our separate ways and I thank you very much for coming." "Give him some money." "Don't insult me." "Don't insult him." "Prompt and honest." "What are the chances of that?" "Listen, it's not like we're the only people in New York, who have stolen cable, right?" "I mean, there's like two or three dozen people in this building alone." "Look right here." "Sweetie, sweetie..." "What?" "No." "I mean, I'm right, aren't I?" "Yes, but..." "What are those?" "(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)" "No, sir, see, my wife didn't..." "Yes, but she didn't mean to..." "MAN:" "What were you thinking?" "I hope you rot in hell!" "You have a real dark side." "Well, we've officially now heard from the eighth floor." "Well, stop answering the phone." "Do you realize what you've done?" "Yes." "Tell me." "You were right, and I was wrong." "I get no satisfaction from that." "Well, it's true." "There's nothing to argue about." "'Cause you were wrong." "Yes." "I was right." "Yes." "You don't even know how to do this!" "What do you want me to say?" "I don't know, but when I broke the toaster, I knew I was wrong, but still I gave you a good 20 minutes before I admitted it." "Did you move some of my stuff?" "Yes, yes, I did, I threw out big boxes of it, you know why?" "Just 'cause I felt like it." "Oh, here it is." "Oh, come on!" "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "You need to practice this." "Hi." "Hi." "Go on, Edison, ask the man." "Why did you make Big Bird go away?" "Excuse me?" "On the TV." "He went away." "Is he dead?" "It's for you, honey." "I just hope you're happy." "Oh, okay, I'll put her through college." "That's good." "So we're meeting people in the building now." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR) All right!" "Here we go." "Hello, Buchman's." "Mr. Wicker." "I was wondering, in all the excitement, if you had a chance to see Mrs. Wicker on the soap?" "No, we missed it." "No problem." "I got the tape right here." "Let's take a little look." "It may be a little thing to you all, but to us..." "No, it's her big break." "Oh, it sure was." "Wait till you see." "She plays the nurse." "Right there." "Gillian and I are through." "Nurse, is she going to live?" "Just tell me, is she going to live?" "She seemed very good." "It's okay, kids." "I just wanted to say thank you." "You can keep the tape." "They rerun soap operas, don't they?" "(DOOR BANGING SHUT)" "All right, I'm just gonna go." "Where are you going?" "I told you, I have a business dinner." "Wait, whoa, whoa, so you're just gonna leave me here with 14 floors of rage?" "Well, do you want to come with me?" "Not if it's business." "It's just Ira." "Yeah, I know, but, you know what, just go." "(PHONE RINGING)" "(GROANING)" "PAUL:" "Hi, we're out, leave a message and we'll call you back." "(BEEPS)" "MAN:" "Yeah, this is 9-J." "I was planning to watch the Army/Navy Game this weekend, and I just found out I'll have a little time on my hands." "Thought I might use it to come over and beat the crap out of you." "It's just Ira." "Yeah." "It's just Ira." "Hi, it's kind of crowded in here tonight." "Hi." "Yeah, I think it's all the people." "What's going on?" "Right, a lot of people are in here watching TV." "It seems some blockheads down the street got their whole building disconnected." "Hey." "Hey." "So Paul's gonna join us." "Hope that's okay?" "Um, yeah, yeah, it's okay, it's fine." "Come on." "Gee, thank you both very much." "Hi, yeah, those people over there want to not buy you a drink." "What's that about?" "My wife decided to open up a cable franchise." "What, you're the blockheads?" "Hey, don't you have some business to discuss?" "Yes, we do." "All right." "Here's the contest idea I talked to you about." "So what's it gonna cost me?" "Well, that depends." "If we get some kind of cross-promotional agreement..." "Do I like trout amandine?" "No." "What's this here?" "That's total budget..." "Why don't I like it?" "Because it has bones." "See, the thing is, if..." "They don't take out the bones for you?" "I'll just choke." "Fine." "I'm sorry." "This is business." "Hey, what isn't business with you lately?" "Why don't you just say it, you hate that I'm working out of the house." "No kidding!" "I've been saying that for two weeks." "No, you haven't." "You act supportive, and then you torture me." "Just say you're mad." "Whoa!" "Okay, what did I say to you yesterday?" "That you were mad." "What did I say the day before?" "That you were mad." "So what do you need, a billboard?" "All right, don't get mad." "You know, you know what..." "Ow!" "What is that, a spitball?" "Who threw that?" "Look, the problem here seems to be striking a pretty deep nerve, right?" "So, in the meantime, why don't we do what we can do?" "What can we do?" "Reconnect your building." "Can you do that?" "Forget about it." "Why not?" "Because we already got enough..." "Ow!" "All right, let's go." "Can you do it?" "Piece of cake." "I just need a little piece of wire." "Here." "Right here?" "Like this?" "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "Oh, just relax." "MAN:" "Hey!" "What happened to the lights?" "GIRL:" "Mommy!" "What did you do?" "Why is it always me?" "IRA:" "Don't worry." "I got it, I got it." "Here we go." "(DOOR CLANGS)" "You see that?" "(CAR ALARM BLARING)" "Oops." "Okay, okay." "I'll see you guys later." "Hi, folks." "(PEOPLE MUTTERING)" "Here." "I'd like you to have this." "What is it?" "It was my novel." "Now it's a coaster." "Oh, my goodness." "(STUTTERING) I'm..." "There's-- There's got to be..." "How're you doing?" "(CLEARING THROAT) MAN:" "Anybody there?" "Who's that?" "Harrison Delahanty!" "Where are you?" "I'm stuck in the elevator." "Well, when we get you out, there's someone I'd like you to meet." "I told you about her." "Didn't I tell you about her?" "You were right." "She nearly electrocuted me in the shower." "I don't think I nearly..." "MAN:" "What's the matter with you?" "...leave well enough alone?" "Why didn't you just shut off the water and call it a day?" "ALL:" "Yeah!" "Hey, knock it off!" "Knock it off, will ya?" "It was me!" "It wasn't her, it was me, okay?" "Anybody have a problem with that, you know where I live." "(PAUL MUTTERING)" "It seems the City of New York reporting from NBC in New has been thrown into a mysterious blackout." "Con Ed believes it was caused by either a power surge in a series of sensitive grid relays or some yutz trying to steal cable." "Fortunately, New Yorkers can always be counted on in an emergency." "Looters have asked for our patience." "They say there are lots of stores and they'll get to every one just as soon as possible." "I'm Al Roker, reporting from NBC, in New York, filling in for Tom Brokaw, who is stuck in the elevator."