"Aerolineas Argentinas ?" "Excuse me ?" "We were on the same flight coming over." "Yes, I remember." "You're a psychiatrist, right ?" "Psychoanalyst." "Do we know each other ?" "No, I was behind you and read your letterhead." "It was written in the top right-hand corner: psychiatrist." "No !" "Psychoanalyst." "Maybe I got it wrong because of the turbulence," "I was trying to concentrate but..." "Can I have a seat ?" "Please, it belongs to everyone." "You guys have a great job !" "You have the key !" "The key ?" "What key ?" "The key... ..to get inside our heads." "We do things, and you tell us why we did them." "In a way..." "Good going !" "A lot of people must bug you outside the office." "You just need the good sense to know when it's not the right time." "Right." "Too bad now isn't the right time, because if I told you my story, you wouldn't believe it." "But I'm on vacation !" "It all started about a year and a half ago." "Slow down !" "Watch the garbage cans !" "Goddammit, son of a bitch !" "I knew it." "How many times do I have to tell you, Mara !" "You don't brake on ice !" "And you were born in the north !" "I've lost my mind !" "No kidding !" "Look at the mess you've made !" "How can you not have understood by yourself ?" "Look in my eyes." "Can't you see I've changed ?" "No !" "What do you mean, no ?" "I've been wearing thigh-high stockings for two months !" "You always undress in the bathroom..." "What thighs !" "And all that frozen meat ?" "Haven't you noticed we've been invaded by frozen meat ?" "Did you hit your head on the steering wheel ?" "How do I have to say it ?" "Ottone, there's another man !" "There's another man !" "What does frozen meat have to do with it ?" "Do you know who she had betrayed me with, Doctor ?" "Do you know who she had the guts to betray me with ?" "Ma'am, you freeze this now and in three months it'll be as tender as today." "Girls, I'm going hunting." "I'll bring something good back for you." "Mmm, good !" "That flesh pounder made me put my memories of Mara on ice, trying to resolve the first real doubt of my life." "Doctor, are thigh-high stockings really that sexy ?" "Pantyhose make me horny !" "I told you she was feisty but you didn't believe me !" "C'mon in !" "But watch your head !" "Barbara Passanisi, known as Barbarina, my soul mate." "I had always confided in her since high school." "She fostered in me a feeling that went beyond love, beyond sex, beyond affection..." "in short, beyond everything." "We had never laid a finger on each other, actually, just the idea of French kissing made us die laughing." "We were like brother and sister." "Just like brother and sister." "How did the butcher give her the lamb ?" "With the bone or without ?" "Forget about it !" "Shit happens." "He's right." "Anyway, we're here to keep you company." "Robertone Colombo, known as "Potato"." "Barbara's eternal boyfriend, under house arrest for throwing a traffic cop over a brick wall just because he got a ticket." "Anyway... ..l was supposed to stay at their place just for a few weeks but instead..." "Instead the geraniums bloomed, the girls took off their tights and Spring began to warm our hearts once again." "Potato tells me you're a dogsitter." "Not just that," "I work in a pet shop, I'm kind of the part-owner..." "But let's not talk about me, let's talk about you." "What do you do ?" "Nothing special, just what girls my age do." "I'm 19, I sell my body and get 150 bucks a trick." "Check !" "So... ..Ottone ?" "Potato told me you don't like the beach." "It's not that I don't like it, it's just the heat that bothers me." "Let's not talk about me, let's talk about you." "What do you do ?" "I work in a paper mill with my dad, I play volleyball and I just love going fishing." "Trout, carp, you know... ..and I also love the smell of fish !" " And you ?" " The check !" "My father lost a lot of money in his third separation." "On the other hand, marriage is just a contract, right ?" " What do you think ?" " Me ?" "Check !" " 'They make tripe here ?" " Check !" "My ex and I used to make love as many as six times a day." "Do you have this rhythm ?" "Shall I bring the check ?" "Nardo !" " Is "Greyhound 2000" in yet ?" " No, just "Leash Digest"." " Want it ?" " No, I've got it." "Give me your love, don't ask for anything in return, tell me you need me." "You're always mine, even when I go away, you're the only woman for me." "Just a second..." "Very important message." "Mission "Covert Conquest" goes into high gear." "Today I spent 60 bucks for red roses, long stem." "My heart is racing like crazy..." "I'm warning you, if you give me up, I'll cut you in two, mum's the word..." "New messages will follow." "Wait !" "Hillside pollen." "Doctor, do you remember Germano Reali ?" "It was a pretty big deal in '91 , it even made the papers." "They said it was a miracle." "One night, after a costume party, one of those winter nights full of lightning and thunder..." "Guys, if the weather keeps up, no game tomorrow." "We'll play another day." "What a night !" "Goodnight !" "Germano, do you want the umbrella ?" "The rain doesn't do shit to Spiderman !" "Struck by lightning !" "He was struck by lightning !" "The lightning bolt went right through him." "Luckily he had Spiderman's rubber shoes which grounded him and saved his life !" "If he'd gone as D'Artagnan like he'd wanted, with leather boots, he would've been fried to a crisp !" "I've known him for 15 years, he's always been kind of weird." "That lightning bolt was the final blow." "Since the accident, he's been convinced his sense of smell has become hyper-sensitized." "Now he'd fallen madly in love with Lorenza, my partner at the petshop:" ""The Dog from Bow to Z"" "and he wanted to win her over as a Mystery Man." "Bartolo, this is Rocco, he needs a shot by 7," "Don't forget, the vet is coming by later." "Got it ?" "Where's Lorenza ?" "Upstairs ?" "I'll keep the wind-up mice that I've already paid for." "By tomorrow, don't forget." "Who's sending me all these flowers ?" ""Lightning in the sky, my body shivers, my heart thunders for you."" "A poet." " And him ?" " Mrs. Cecchi gave him back to me." "She says he hasn't said a word in 2 months." " Did she try the tape player ?" " She wore them out !" "She says: "He doesn't talk, he's mute, give me my money back."" "Every time there's a problem, you come to me, aren't we partners ?" "Partners..." "you have 90 percent, I have 10." "So use your 10 percent !" "Do something, teach him how to talk." "Apply yourself." "Son of a bitch ?" "Potato !" "Can't you teach him something more normal ?" " What should I say ?" " I don't know..." "How are you, what's your name..." "What's your name, ugly son of a bitch ?" "To be honest, except for Mr. Potato and Mr. Struck by Lightning, your story isn't so incredible." "Hold on !" "The best is yet to come." "It has to be told the right way." "You have to know that when Potato and Barbara made love they were like two animals." "I was under incredible psychological stress and so I had to go upstairs where Barbara's old aunt lived, she owned the neighborhood." "Guys !" "Keep it down, it sounds like you're at the Olympics." "Who is it ?" "It must be Ottone, ma'am, here to watch TV." "You can even hear their screams up here." "Sorry, but I was halfway through a movie." "Come in." " What's it about ?" " About monsters, it's a masterpiece." " What do you pay for this room ?" " 120 dollars a month." " Why don't you go live on your own ?" " I'm going back home soon." "I told you about my plan, right ?" "Demiu'..." "Shall we race ?" "What exactly do you say ?" "Ready, set, go..." "I say: go !" "All done !" " I won !" " I never beat you !" "Penalty kicks ?" "No running start though." "No problem... ..but I'll use a toe kick !" "What're you doing ?" "I killed the old lady !" "Everything okay ?" "'She dead ?" "She must have fallen asleep." "It's better." "Let her sleep." "If she says something tomorrow, tell her: "It was the carpenter."" "I knocked her lights out." "What is it ?" "Cantini, I want to ask you a specific question." "And I want a specific answer." "What is love ?" "Love is when you can still get it up." "Goodnight." " I've got work to do !" " Just one minute !" "Two words with your dear Germano." "What's up ?" "It's a fast conutdown to "Iift-off'." "Another bouquet of red roses this morning." "I already hit 400 bucks." "Last night I had a deep philosophical discussion with Cantini." "I learned a million things." "This afternoon... ..a box of chocolates and a "Pet Shop Boys" CD." "I've got a specific question, answer me like a friend." "Do you think I've got a chance ?" "I don't think so." "But then again, maybe." "Thanks !" "You're a pal." "I'm going to stick to this "maybe" like gum to dental work." "Sorry for bothering you." "To work..." "Don't forget, mum's the word as always !" "Sorry." "I'll leave you alone, you have to work..." "No !" "I'll leave you alone, I see you guys have work to do too." "Very funny !" "Don't worry, he was just leaving." "In that case..." "Call you later." "See ya..." " Isn't he married ?" " Mind your own damn business." " Aren't we partners ?" " Not in these things." "Well then ?" "First question:" "Mrs. Belvedere wants to know if Tibetan hamsters can eat chicory." "Yes." " Second question: do we sell trout ?" " Trout ?" " They asked me for one." " What are we, a fish market ?" "That's what I told them !" "Third question ?" "Vinciguerra's cockerspaniel, the one who humps your leg, died and he wants to know if it was under warranty." "How'd he die ?" "He was home alone with no one to screw, so he humped a halogen lamp... ..and literally came and went." "You should see him !" "With all his fur standing on end, looks like a brush." "Are you joking ?" "Seriously !" "You should be careful too." "I'm from "The Dog from Bow to Z"," "I brought the dog for breeding." "This is the stud ?" "He may not look like it, but he's a regional champion." "Doesn't miss a beat." "Finally, a real man !" "A real bull like me !" "Make yourself at home." "I'm Sergino, the gardener, I'll call the young lady." "Luna ?" "Her name's Luna, like the song..." "The stud's here." "Make yourself at home, I'll go get Nikita so they can meet." "I hope they like each other... ..love at first sight, lucky tonight." "That's my poem, I'm a poet-gardener." "Have a seat." "Time to screw !" "I don't know why, but this house... ..makes me happy !" "But my father wants to sell it." "I'm Luna." "They're so cute, they're starting to like each other." "Cute !" "It's nice here, it's a beautiful place." "My parents live a little further out... smaller garden..." "Because I come from a family of more modest means." "Poor actually !" "So poor that, you know the rainbow, we see it in black and white." "A little joke..." "But let's not talk about me, let's talk about you." "What do you do ?" "I study, go horseback riding," "I was going out with my riding instructor." "But I had to stop seeing him." "Why'd you "have to" stop ?" "Because my father didn't like him." "A father can't choose his daughter's boyfriend !" "Yeah but... he's Gerard de la Fasse, one of the most charming and important men of Buenos Aires, classical studies and absolute decision-making power." "A ball-breaker." "He's obsessive, jealous, he doesn't let me go out." "He beat up my riding instructor." "Beat up ?" "He's violent too ?" "Why don't you fight back ?" "'Know what I would have told him ?" ""Buddy, Gerardde la Fasse, handsome and charming man of Buenos Aires, how dare you lay a hand on me ?"" "I'm against violence, but in these cases, it's the parents who deserve two smacks from their kids." "Who's the idiot with the robe ?" "At least tell me your name !" "Will you stop with that name ?" "How did he slug you ?" "Open hand or fist ?" "He slugged me hard." "Good for him !" "You shouldn't mess with little girls !" "Everyone else is lucky, I've been shut up in here for six months, if only I could have slugged somebody too !" "Time to eat." "No, this is just for him, we're having rice." "That's it ?" "Am I on a diet ?" "I saw your blood-tests." "Your cholesterol shot way up." "Are you aiming to set a record ?" "Poor little thing, his itsy-bitsy cholesterol shot up !" "Gigetto, you tell them:" ""Mind your own damn business !"" " So, how's this Luna ?" " An angel." " Hair ?" " Blonde." " Eyes ?" " Blue." " Cholesterol ?" " And what about this spark ?" "When I shook her hand, I felt a shock, a shiver." "A lightning bolt !" "The lightning hit him in the face later !" " You're so unromantic." " I'm a jailbird !" "I'd be curious to see her !" "How could we arrange it ?" " There she is." " Isn't she a little young ?" " Nikita ?" " The girl !" "Why ?" "Hurry, if the cops come, who'll tell them I'm not a thief !" " Do you like her or not ?" " I don't have to like her." "Sounds like you don't like her." "Let me see her, and I'll give you a detailed report." "The one in the light dress ?" "Who's there ?" "Don't worry, I'm Potato, the friend of the guy who got punched today." " What ?" "Get down and let me up." " Bye." "What are you doing here ?" "What's he doing here..." "He's in love !" "He's talking about Rocky, he's probably in love with Nikita because he was a bit down today, he didn't eat." "Same with Nikita, maybe she's in love too." "So let the poor things get it on !" "What'd he say ?" "That Rocky's probably in love with Nikita and so they should... ..probably get back together !" " Tomorrow ?" " Fine !" "Just one thing." "You come to the store, I wouldn't want to... ..see your dad again." "Sorry about today." "No problem !" "I can take it !" "Oh shit !" "It's the night watchman !" "See you tomorrow !" "I can't believe how much time I spent in this park !" "I remember my first kiss, the first real one, a French kiss," "I had it here." "The first kiss is a mess because you never know how long your tongue should stay in her mouth." "I didn't want to keep it in too long, so I did like an anteater..." "On the second kiss I was bored so I counted her teeth with my tongue." "Who is it ?" "It's not your dad ?" "There are two girls looking at us." " What are they doing together ?" " Who are they ?" "One is the girl I live with, the other one's my ex-girlfiend." "I didn't want to bother you, but Barbara insisted..." " Did I do something wrong ?" " No Barbarina !" "You did fine !" "She's Luna." "Mara and Barbarina." "How are you, Mara ?" "Fine, you ?" " Better than this..." " In fact, you look good." "You look like two teeny-boppers." "Have you found a house yet or are you still sponging off them ?" "You look good too, calm, relaxed..." " So ?" " We're going to live together !" "We're going to live together..." " Where ?" " Paris !" "Montmartre !" " You didn't tell me." " I didn't know !" "We're getting married in July !" "Party !" "We're getting married in July !" "I'm crazy about him !" " She's crazy." " Any other news ?" "Tell him !" "It's better if you tell her." "I'm pregnant !" "Twins !" " What are you saying !" " Twins in Montmartre !" "The "Mini Montmartres"..." "My tomcat !" "I'm her tomcat !" "Let's go !" " These guys want to joke around." " Are you on drugs ?" "Drugs ?" "I'm a tomcat !" "Get out of here, tomcat." "I'll see you at home." "There are 32." "No, 33, I also have a wisdom tooth." "Sorry, I'll just be a minute, it's an emergency !" "I met this beautiful girl, an angel." "I want you to meet her so you can tell me what you think." "I wanted to buy her a gift, the most beautiful love song ever." "Look for it, find it, bring it home." " Your boyfriend ?" " No, just a friend." "Officer !" "There are dogs in there !" "They'll kill me !" "The dogs !" "I'm gonna get it !" "Why is it when you like someone, you always want your friends' approval ?" "Not always..." "Just when you're not secure enough." "What do you mean ?" "Evidently with Luna something wasn't right and you realized that subconsciously, so you needed your friends to reassure you." " You're an only child, right ?" " Yes." "It's typical." "Typical of what ?" "It's typical..." "My affair with Luna began like a bolt of lightning." "I had a great time with her, we did tons of things." "We went for walks, went to the movies..." " And sex ?" " Never." " That's what I wanted to get at." " She was an only child too." " Yes." " It's typical, my friend." "Typical ?" "If you say it like that, it seems only children never do it." "Anyway, I couldn't take this sex thing." "In fact, one night..." "Each one of us bears the weight of his own guilt." "And I among everyone, carry the heaviest." "Life is not good." "It's bad !" "Nobody knows it, but life is madness !" "Take it or leave it !" "Take it or leave it !" "There's no middle ground." "Never a respite." "Always prey to your passions, and battling with misfortune !" "Great..." "I perceive everything !" "The beating of your hearts, the rustling of your thoughts." "Is this perhaps... ..my... ..damnation ?" "Answer !" "I'm begging you, answer !" "Christ !" "Answer !" "Answer it, otherwise this guy'll really get pissed off !" "Dad, I can't talk now." "I can't come home." "Don't raise your voice." "C'mon, turn it off." "Sorry, she forgot her agenda." "Yeah, I'm with Ottone, so ?" "In a theatre, I already told you !" "Everyone's looking at me." "I'm making a fool of myself !" "Sorry..." "Maybe it would've been better if we'd stayed home." "Tonight, I'm dead tired, and she has problems with her dad..." "The show is great !" "You're very good, well done... ..nice blonde wig." "We'll come back another night, without the phone." "Dad, what do you want ?" "I am home." "I'm coming." "Yes, open the gate." "I know what you're thinking." "What ?" "You're thinking that we've been going out for a week and we haven't made love yet." "No !" "No way, I was thinking about other things." "Besides the fact that it's a week and three days," "I was thinking of something else." "My father's leaving tomorrow and I'll be here alone." "Dress up." " How much ?" " To the nines." "Jacket and tie ?" "I want it to be an unforgettable night !" "Jacket and tie." "Come in." "Gandhi, come on." "Careful, there's a step..." "Where the hell are you taking me with all these steps ?" "We're in hill country." "I'll give you 30 bucks, end of discussion." "But if she doesn't come to the window, I want my money back." "Did you study the song ?" "It's not in my repertoire, but I'll try." "You'll try ?" "For 30 bucks, you'll do it and do it well !" "Slowly." "A little to the left." "Right there..." "Listen up." "The balcony is 15 feet above ground level." "Raise you head to 70 degrees..." "No, too much." "Higher." "If the dog barks, I'll punch you in the face." "Just kidding !" "Stand like this..." "Stop." "Don't forget, from the heart !" " Are you in tune with your guitar..." " Go away !" "Sing well !" "From the heart !" "Go ahead !" "Gandhi !" "Are you deaf too ?" "Sing !" "Come to the window, my love." "I will stay with you tonight, my little turtledove." "Rap serenade, serenade of the street." "Go out with me, I'm not a creep." "Verdigris !" "From a Mystery Man." " Do you know him ?" " Not likely." "He's anonymous, I'm blind..." "Where are you going ?" "I'm going where my dog takes me." "Wherever..." "Keep it down, you idiot !" "Piss off..." "I won again." "You're so lucky..." "You just can't play." "Actually, you're the one who makes me lose with that mandatory jumping." "I can't play with mandatory jumping." "Rules are rules." "Jumping should be optional." "Want to eat, eat, don't want to eat, don't eat." " Should we play again ?" " No, I'm not playing with you again." "You make up the rules." "Sore loser." "I'd know how to win... if it weren't for that mandatory jumping..." "You insist on the mandatory jumping, and I lose." "Take away the mandatory jumping and we'll see who wins." "Honeybunch !" "Let's do baby steps ?" "What ?" "Baby steps ?" "Not now, the old lady's sleeping." "What do you care, we'll take the stereo outside." "Baby steps." "Baby steps, doctor !" "When Demiu' danced those baby steps, my worries disappeared and my problems didn't exist anymore." "It was a kind of therapy." "Why do some songs make us forget everything else when we hear them ?" "And then Demiu' was so nice, she was one of the few people who made me totally relaxed." "How'd it go ?" "Well." "Sometimes Gandhi's voice made me shudder... ..but I'm happy." " What'd you have him sing ?" " "Rap Serenade"." "Jovanotti's good." "So now you just have to take the last step, the hardest one." "Come out into the open ?" "From Mystery Man in the dark to real man in the sun." "Will she like me ?" "Silvana ?" "I did the same thing with my wife and we've been married for 40 years." "You asked me if she'll like him." "They always like mystery men." "Hello." "How can I help you ?" "I was looking for the guy with the dogs." "What's his name..." "Ottone ?" "Someone's here for you." "This is the first lunch I'm allowing myself without work in three years." "Good work, you brought me to a nice place." "See... ..l think you're a good kid." "I am, I am." "But my daughter is strange, out of control, spoiled and very young." "And thus also a liar." "I bet she didn't tell you the truth." "Did she tell you ?" "The story about how she bought her license without taking the exam ?" " She bought her license ?" " You didn't know..." "Don't tell Luna I told you, it was supposed to be a secret." "That's why she drives so badly." "That wasn't the truth she was supposed to tell you." "As you can see, my daughter is toying with you." "I've seen many end up like you." "I don't approve of her behavior, she's doing it on purpose, she's driving me crazy." "That's why I hit her riding instructor." "Luna seems like an angel, but actually..." "Now you know everything, it's up to you to decide." "I have a flight to Paris in an hour." "If you go see her tonight, you'll find out if you've got balls or if you're a puppet in her hands." "Check !" "Cantini, it's me." "I had a question for you, I wasn't sure about something." "What exactly did you write to your wife in that last message ?" "The Mystery Man is out of control today." "Didn't leave a flower standing." "Beautiful !" ""From Mystery Man in the dark to real man in the light of the sun." "Tonight at 8:30 at the "City of Florence" restaurant." "You'll recognize me, I'll be the best-dressed man there."" "It's just an expression !" "I made the date for 8:30 some damn light of the sun !" "Thanks." "Coming !" " Aren't we elegant tonight." " Jacket and tie !" "You can tell a man by his appetite, not his shirt." "Uncle Ciccio said that" "Come on in." "Do you know we have to celebrate ?" "I think Nikita is pregnant this time." "You get the first puppy, by right." "Luna is getting ready." "We're eating in tonight, right ?" "Go get her, tiger !" "As the saying goes:" "when the cat's away, the mice play." "Youth be blessed, witness of loveliness, as powerful as the shining sun, which does't age when the day's done." "This one's mine too." "I wrote it, I'm the poet-gardener." "I have to publish them." "Are you ready ?" "For what ?" "Magnificent !" "Do you like it ?" "Cute..." "I think you're wasted on this country bumpkin." "It's true." "Do what you want, I'm going to the movies with the waitress." "I'm warning you though, the flesh is weak and man is made of flesh," "Uncle Ciccio used to say." "Two of us lie down, and three of us wake up." "Go on, tiger !" "Aren't you going to kiss me ?" "I wanted to give you this first." "This must be my father's work." "I've been married for two years." "He's a Navy officer, he's never around." "Are you disappointed ?" "Are you upset ?" "Do you feel toyed with ?" "Sure !" "Maybe I could have told you." "But it would've changed everything." "You would have bragged to your friends, you would have thought I was a slut" "and you wouldn't have been... ..so patient, so nice." "Now what do you want to do ?" "'Want to go ?" "Isn't that what all men want ?" "A woman they can have sex with, who doesn't cause problems." "So let's have this sex." "Doctor, until then" "I was sure I had balls." "But from then on, I knew I was just a puppet in her hands." "Reserved Mr. Mystery Man, 8:30" "Excuse me, what time is it ?" "A quarter to nine." "Copal !" "Can you bring me some water ?" "With bubbles ?" "You're not eating ?" "No, I'm eating at home." " Tiger !" " I'm a puppet." "You scared me..." "She mistook me for the maitre d'." " Who ?" " Lorenza." "You're dressed like one." "The clothes don't make the maitre d'." "Come on, put it in gear and let's plunge into the dark of night." "Let's plunge !" "I even bought her a necklace." "It cost me 600 bucks." "I'll give it to my mother." "There's one thing I don't understand." "Why didn't you say anything ?" "Because she froze me in my steps !" "What could I say ?" ""Sorry miss, I'm not the maitre d', I'm your Mystery Man"?" "But then as I looked at her I thought:" ""How can a woman accept an invitation from a Mystery Man ?" "How can someone who agreed to a date with a Mystery Man be the mother of my children ?"" "Why, you want kids ?" "Yes !" "I want three, three girls." " What else ?" " I want a garden." "With a nice peach tree." "What else ?" "Then I want those glasses they give out with magazines, the ones that let you see through a woman's clothes." "I have simple needs." "Woman are evil." "No !" "She's evil." "I told you, I know her well." "But she's hot !" " She's married." " Who ?" "Your... your girlfriend." "Luna." "Yeah, but she's not evil." "She's strange." "Rich, too rich." "You know how rich people are." "They're strange." "So then, what is love ?" "Let's go to sleep." "You Ottone and me Germano..." "We wouldn't be German, would we ?" "I'm free !" "Today I'm free !" "I want to tell everyone:" "Potato is back !" "Can that be the broom salesman ?" "What are these bars ?" "Open this gate !" "Would you stop yelling ?" "I want everyone to know how happy I am." "A year in the cage and six months of house arrest, screw them !" "Tonight we're having a freedom fest !" "They're coming up from Rome:" "Banana, Meat, Feather and that crazy sister of mine." "Can you imagine ?" "You buy the food and drink, and I'll buy the fireworks," "We're gonna have fireworks !" "Basically she wants you as a lover." "Basically yes." "She just wants to have sex." " Her husband's never there..." " She's not stupid !" "What are you talking about ?" "I wanted something more." "And anyway, ask me..." ""Want to be my lover ?", then I can decide." "But this is unfair !" "Her dad was right, she's a liar." "She didn't even tell him about the license." "I would understand if she were having problems with her husband !" "She just wants to betray him !" "A liar and a traitor !" "You men are quick to condemn us." "What do you know about women ?" "What do I know ?" " Excuse me, where's the fruit ?" " It's gone, they took it away." "We have to clear this up right now, otherwise it seems I'm wrong." " Why are you so upset ?" " It's not who's right or wrong." "Sometimes the women you'd least suspect have a lover." "It must mean something, right ?" "It must mean something !" "Stationery department ?" " It burned down." " Jerk." "You're not telling me you have a lover too !" "Did we get everything ?" "Do we need meat ?" "No, I have a bunch of frozen meat at home." "And do you know who her lover was, doctor ?" "You know who she had the guts to betray Potato with ?" "Ladies !" "I killed this one !" "And next week, I'm going hunting for wild boar." "At least you'll all get some !" "Doctor, what causes infedelity?" "Dissatisfaction or too much security?" "We're beyond the reef." "What does that mean ?" "Less psychoanalytical, please." "The reef, the coral barrier !" "I think that when a couple is too secure someone will always betray." "That's an old wives' tale, it's not always true." "You tend to simplify the most complicated things." "Betrayal is part of man's nature." "Every day, each one of us betrays someone or something." "I'm sure you've screened your calls quite often." "Even that is a little betrayal." "Except that in love, it seems like a tragedy." "Why ?" "Because sex is involved." "But get it straight, love and sex are different things." "Love is driven by feelings, and sex is driven by... ?" "Sex is driven by... ?" "By the desire to screw !" "By instinct." "Sex is driven by instinct." "Got it ?" "I don't get it." "We're beyond the reef." "I had decided what to do with Luna:" "you can't always be a puppet, you have to make certain decisions." "I would have been her lover." "Certain relationships can start in different ways." "For now, I was her lover, then..." "One thing leads to another." "Am I wrong ?" "You kids with the dog whistles, be good !" "Jesus H. Christ !" "I've had it with you." "You've got to stop reacting to these whistles." "You can't let these two kids screw with us like that !" "Look !" "You big fat idiot !" "Schmuck !" " Where's Lorenza ?" " Upstairs." " Is she in a bad mood today ?" " Yes." "It didn't go well with the Mystery Man yesterday ?" " What do you know ?" " I know everything, dear Bartolo." "I should have been a tiger last night too, but I was chicken." "Chicken ?" " Who does your hair ?" " I do it myself." "Bravo." "I'm going upstairs." "I'm telling you, I'm not taking that dog for a walk anymore." "Look what he did to me." "What's wrong ?" "Are you shy ?" "With dogs ?" "With women." "Why are you asking ?" "I thought we've worked together for a long time... ..but we don't know each other at all." "I'm not shy, it's just that... ..maybe I imagine things one way and then they turn out differently." "If you don't go for it, you'll never know how they'll turn out." "I'm going to change." "I took a tumble..." "He dragged me... maybe we'll have this discussion another time." "I'm going." " I think she'll have 5 girls." " What are doing up there ?" "I was passing by." "I always walk on this level." "Don't forget, Potato's party is tonight." "Barbara's expecting you." " At 8:30, right ?" " Should I come pick you up ?" "No, I'll have Sergino bring me." "Okay, see you tonight." "What was I going to say ?" "Nothing... see you tonight." "That's what I wanted to say, I remember now." "I was curious..." "If there hadn't been the cadet, would you and I have been able to get together ?" "Get married ?" "Not get married, stay together in the light of the sun." "You're in love, I knew it." "No !" "It's fine like this..." "Iovers, just sex." "I was curious, I thought:" ""Who knows... ..maybe if there were no cadet..."" "But the cadet is there..." "See you tonight." "What'd you say ?" "I thought you said something..." "Germano is either on the phone or away from his desk." "Leave a message after the beep." "LONG LIVE "FREEDDOM"" "Potato, they're here, get the door !" "Look who it is !" "Sis, Meat, Feather." "Goddamn, how long has it been since we saw each other ?" "'You lose weight ?" "You even set your hair !" "What a trio !" "Banana, still padding your package ?" "You've gotten so studly !" "ls it the Tuscan air ?" "Do you have a satellite dish, Manchester is playing tonight." "Don't break my balls, it's my party tonight." "Do you sell encyclopedias door-to-door ?" "No, I'm Tiger." "Lucky me, otherwise I would've had to buy them all." "I'm joking, I'm Ottone." "I'm She-wolf, Tiger's girl." "Good... evening." "Hi everybody." "The Tiger !" "Don't get any ideas." "I came to see you but also because Rome plays in Florence tomorrow." " Who's that ?" " Mr. Tiger, a Roman intellectual." "Hey Banana." "Your class outshines us all." "I'll get it !" "It must be Luna." "Whoever gets to parties after me really pisses me off." "Right." "Girls ?" "Come in and don't be a schmuck, tonight's not the night." "Germano, now you're screwed !" "Easy !" "Easy ?" "A game's a game." "What a slap !" "You left a mark." "What slap !" "I gave him a tattoo !" "Lightning boy, your turn !" "It's like this." "If I get a man, a kick in the nuts." "If I get a girl, a kiss on the lips." "What do you mean, a kiss !" "On the lips, with tongue." "He got me." "No !" "He really got me." "Because the curve is more towards me, so... ..no one can deny me a nice kick in the nuts." "I got the She-wolf, and I'm going to kiss the She-wolf." " I'd spin again." " Me too." "If I were you... ..l'd spin again." "A game's a game." "I got a slap from him ?" "Now I'm going to tongue her." "Kick me in the nuts !" "What do you care ?" "Anyway, giving her a kiss or..." "Okay..." "Let's see what the slug can do." "Let's see !" "Hold my cigarette." "She-wolf." "Just a little bit..." "He never sticks it in all the way." "He's too polite." "Plus it's a game, we're friends." "Enough." "That's enough !" "Already done !" "It seemed like a long time, but... ..it was short, plus he didn't use his tongue !" "He used it." "From here, it seemed... ..he didn't use it, but... ..he used it." "We're done for !" "Kid, do you know what you've done ?" "My desire to kiss is stronger than the fear of your punches." "Damn !" "He had the right answer, this bastard !" " Joy !" " What are you laughing about ?" "I'll get it !" "You're so cool !" "I hadn't pegged you for that." "What nice hair." "Are they dyed ?" "Well..." "Are you attached ?" " We broke up yesterday." " Me too." "But I didn't lose much, he was a coward." "He looked like you, I've never liked good-looking guys." "And you ?" "Good evening, to all." "Am I interrupting ?" " Where's Luna ?" " She couldn't come." "Tonight I'm "Sergino the Postman", she sent you this note." "How's the party ?" "Are there chicks ?" "Sure." "If you want to come in, eat something..." "May I ?" "Tiger !" "To all a warm hello scoundrels and fine fellows." "I'm Sergino, the green thumb, but making rhymes is what I do for fun." "Who is this idiot ?" "In this salon, we're celebrating with the ex-con !" "I can tell you just love poetry." "Exactly." "Dear Ottone, today I realized that our arrangement was a mistake." "The role of lover doesn't suit you." "You're meant to make a family, I'm meant to make a mess." "I'll call Nikita's first two puppies" ""Mini Montmartres" and that's all." "Kisses, Luna." "P.S." "Who told my father I bought my license ?" "Are you having fun down there ?" "Should we try some baby steps ?" "Not tonight." "What's wrong ?" "You remember that girl, Luna ?" "She wrote me a letter." "Stop eating, I have the announcement of the century !" " The champ's playing tomorrow ?" " It's just for fun." "There's no such thing !" "I've thought a lot about this before deciding." "You had enough time, a year and a half in the slammer..." "You can never say anything serious with you guys !" "Shut up !" "Say it." "Now that I'm a free man, I want to tie my hands." "I'll be brief, I'm not very good with words." "Barbara, will you marry me ?" "Ottone, is this a "yes" reaction or a "no" reaction ?" "That's the typical "yes" reaction." "Let's go set off the fireworks, we'll light them all !" "Are they wet ?" "I don't know, I spent 300 bucks on them !" "Try the other one." "Are they second-hand ?" "Are you sure it was a "yes" reaction ?" "Sure, it was a "yes" reaction." " I'll light this one." " You light it !" "Let's hope it goes off." "It's coming back !" "The old lady's room !" "Bartolo ?" "No one's here." "Bartolo wasn't feeling well, so he stayed home." "Today, when we have to wash two greyhounds and three chihuahuas ?" "Shy guy." "It took me a while to figure it out..." "All those messages... ..about thunderbolts... ..about lightning..." "You pretend to be stupid, coarse and superficial." "But you have a noble heart." "A good heart." "Sure I do." "I have a noble heart too." "Two... noble hearts." "You're the Mystery Man." "Well yes !" "Very mysterious !" "This is Carlo Conti sending out a good morning to all you sleepyheads." "What'd you do last night ?" "Too bad the song's already started because if I told you what happened to me last night, you wouldn't believe it." "If I told you..." "I put the necklace on..." "I made you some coffee." "Why are you looking at me like that ?" "Want to do it again ?" "Lavinia..." "Virginia !" "I have a question for you." "If a Mystery Man sends you red roses and then makes a date, do you go ?" "Are you crazy ?" "I'd send the police." "Want to see how we'll be when we're old ?" "Instead of staying a week, why don't we go to the Maldives for 15 days." "That way we'll make up for lost time." " In what sense ?" " In the sense of sex." "And the store ?" "We'll close for vacation." "And Bartolo ?" "You want to come or not ?" "You're risking your 10%." " Love affairs can end." " I'd have left if you'd told me." "Where would you've gone under house arrest ?" "You kept me because you felt sorry for me ?" "I'm going now because Potato doesn't want any pity." "Up yours !" "I've been thinking a lot recently." "I want to take a trip with you." " Where are we going ?" " To my dad's place in the Caribbean." " And the cadet ?" " He's never around !" "And the letter you wrote me, the wrong connection, the Mini Montmartes..." "I've decided, you're my lover." "Pack your bags, I'll wait for you." "What happened ?" "Ottone, hold me, please." "You're the only one for me." "Let's go away, let's take a trip." "You too !" "Let's go to those places you only see in pictures, with the palms..." "You were looking for me ?" "I wanted to say goodbye, I'm leaving tomorrow." "What's going on today ?" "You're all leaving ?" "Don't leave me alone." "Here, I always forgot about this." "You asked me for the most beautiful love song ever." "I think this is it." "Your plans worked out, I'm glad." "Those places are great." "Maybe this time I'll get married and start a family." "Why not ?" "Let me know where you are exactly so I can write to you..." " ..or maybe I'll come to see you." " Why not ?" "Now I can tell you." "I was happy when those two were making love, so I could see you." "Doctor, you know everything, how many times does a heart beat in one minute ?" "A song for you." "You weren't expecting it..." "But here it is..." "How it came to be, I don't know, my songs have a life of their own." "Already the words come to me..." "A song for you," "you don't believe it, do you ?" "You smile, you lower your eyes for a moment, you say "I don't think I'm so important"," "but that's a lie, because you run away..." "I'm sorry, but I'm kind of confused." "I still don't understand the most important thing." "Who did you come down here with ?" "Don't get caught in the trap of curiosity that everyone falls into, wanting to know who I came here with." "You should want to know why" "I made a certain choice." "Now's the time to use the key." "Get inside my head." "See you." "Where are you going ?" "I'll see you tonight, this island is small." "How can I get in touch with you ?" "It's easier than you think." "Honey ?" "Serena ?" "What is love ?" "Darling, you've been strange all day." "What happened to you ?" "I don't know..." "That guy just wore me out." "And I must have a fever." "So ?" "Love is a word invented by poets to rhyme with turtledove." "Nice." "What a woman !" "According to Ambrose Bierce, obviously." "Here I am, doctor." "See ?" "You found me easily." " You work here ?" " It hasn't been long." "But I think I'm a natural." "Cocktail ?" "I'd love one." "Excuse me..." "Sorry, we have to talk..." "personal business." "Barracuda." " The Mystery Man." " What is he doing here ?" "He married Virginia, Potato's sister, and they're on their honeymoon." "Can you tell me who you came here with ?" "Honey ?" " What is it ?" " Can you bring out some ice ?" "But it's Demiu'." "Her plan was to open a bar in a resort... ..and here we are." "I have one last question for you." "When a person gets along with someone, he's relaxed, but above all, he always feels like laughing, is he in love ?" " I think so." " Me too." "At least we can agree on this." "Here you are, ma'am, our finest ice."