"Enter!" "Don Diego de la Vega, as ordered." "If the Comandante is busy, the sergeant could arrest me at a more convenient time." "Sergeant, close the door." "With me outside?" "With you inside." "What I have to say is of great interest." "Everything you have to say is of great interest." "Sit down." "I have here a list of Zorro's offenses." "It's a rather long list." "He must have been working nights!" "One interesting fact has occurred to me about this list." "Whenever Zorro struck, you were always close at hand." "Yet, whenever Zorro actually appeared, you were never seen." "How do you account for that?" "Well, I..." "Diego de la Vega, I arrest you in the name of the king!" "But I am already under arrest." "You are Zorro." "What are you laughing about?" "Your pardon, Senor Comandante." "In all of Los Angeles and the whole of California, there is no one less likely to be Zorro than Don Diego." "Precisely." "Your disguise is too good." "You can't be serious." "MAN:" "I have an urgent message for the Senor Comandante." "Guard, pass that courier in here." "Sergeant, draw your saber." "Keep it pointed at de la Vega." "If he makes a move to escape, run him through." "But, Comandante..." "That is an order!" "Well, what is all the commotion?" "He is almost here. ln half an hour." "l came as fast as I could." "Who is here?" "The viceroy." "I challenged his party myself." "As you know, my orders were to stop everyone." "lmpossible." "The viceroy here?" "But it is true." "Why here, with no warning?" "He was in Monterey with the governor, but here?" "Perhaps he just wants to meet you, Comandante." "That is all." "Si, Comandante." "It is my political enemies spreading lies about me." "What possible lies could they spread about you?" "That I am incompetent and..." "Never mind about the lies!" "It is all your fault, Senor Zorro." "Yes, you are here at an opportune time." "I will publicly clean up the only blot on my rule." "Guard, heat water for a bath!" "MAN:" "Si, mi Comandante." "Takes more than a bath to clean the blot on your reputation." "We shall see." "Sergeant, I want a joyous reception for the viceroy." "Joyous, Capitan?" "We have only happy people." "We have no crime." "Our prison stands empty." "Empty?" "The jail is packed like a keg full of dried fish!" "Then empty it. I declare an amnesty in honor of the viceroy's visit." "All will receive free wine and they are to appear cheerful and prosperous." "When the viceroy arrives, they are to cheer." "ls that clear, Sergeant?" "Clear." "But how do you force the people to be cheerful?" "That is your responsibility." "I want them cheerful, even if you have to shoot them!" "The viceroy will find us a model pueblo." "Quickly." "You have very little time." "Si." "We are about a year too late!" "And as for you, Senor Zorro, you will remain here as my personal prisoner." "Lancer, take him into my quarters and guard him well." "Come out." "Come out." "You are free." "What trick is this?" "They'll shoot us in the back and say we tried to escape." "No tricks, amigos." "This is a fiesta." "The viceroy is coming to see us." "Come out." "You're perfectly free." "Please." "Stupid ones, get out of your cells!" "The Comandante is giving wine to you." "Wine?" "Free wine." "As much as you can drink." "Amigos, wait for me!" "Wine for them?" "Right." "The Comandante will pay." "I still think there's a trick." "Long live the viceroy!" "Long live the viceroy." "That is enough." "Everybody out to cheer the arrival of the viceroy." "That is enough." "Be quiet!" "Everybody outside." "The cantina is closed." "You'll get more wine later." "Outside!" "Outside." "Everybody outside to cheer him on his arrival." "Everybody, get ready to cheer the viceroy." "Go on!" "It's you, eh?" "You are looking for your master." "I'm afraid you won't find him." "How does one explain to a man who is deaf and dumb?" "The signal." "I must inform the Comandante." "Watch yourself!" "The carriage has been sighted." "Guard, de la Vega's not to move or utter a sound." "If he makes any attempt to escape, shoot him down." "Please, make yourself comfortable." "The Comandante's being very difficult today." "Go on!" "Enjoy yourselves!" "Lancers, attention!" "Pull in your stomach." "Very well drilled, Sergeant." "Very spontaneous." "Viva." "Viva." "Viva!" "Viva!" "Excellency, with feelings of profound humility and respect, I greet you." "If you don't mind, we will dispense with the formal speeches." "This is my daughter, Constancia." "I had no idea this poor pueblo would be doubly honored." "Senorita, your most obedient servant." "I see we have gallantry at even the most remote outposts." "Reports on this pueblo, Capitan, spoke a lot about crime, corruption and oppressive taxes." "Very little about the contented people." "All I ask is that you look at the crowd." "Do these look like oppressed people?" "ALL:" "Viva!" "Viva!" "As for crime, may I presume upon Your Excellency's patience long enough to show you our prison?" "This is more of a reception than I'd anticipated." "If only we'd been given warning, we could have prepared a proper reception with flowers." "The flowers Capitan Monastario will mete out blossom on his tongue." "Here, Your Excellency, is our prison." "But you have no prisoners at all." "Your Excellency can see for himself." "But the reports l have..." "There was a great deal of crime when I took over the pueblo." "But, possibly, the reports were written before I was appointed Comandante." "l'm glad I decided to make this trip." "l, too, Your Excellency." "The reports spoke of problems amounting almost to rebellion." "And what of this outlaw?" "What is his name?" "Zorro, the Fox?" "is he as false as the rest of the charges?" "No." "The lesser forms of crime were easy to stamp out, but Zorro's as clever as the very devil himself." "l will have more to say on that later." "Later?" "Father, Capitan Monastario has obviously planned a surprise for us." "Doubtless you are tired after your long journey." "How long will you be staying?" "l shall continue my tour tomorrow." "Your escort will be billeted here, but my quarters are not worthy of you." "Please pardon me while I make arrangements for you at the inn." "Con permiso." "How does our Comandante strike you?" "As a pompous fool." "He seemed very attracted to you." "Yes, unfortunately." "Excellency, I've arranged a small celebration." "Nothing formal." "Merely an opportunity for local officials to meet the viceroy." "A memory they will treasure all their lives." "Very well, Capitan, but no more speeches, I beg you." "Now, shall we retire to our quarters at the inn?" "Sergeant Garcia, the carriage!" "How far is the inn?" "Across the plaza." "We will walk, naturally." "Walk?" "But the Senorita cannot mingle with the common vendors." "Why not?" "I might see something that catches my fancy." "Until tonight." "Notify us when your celebration is prepared." "Your servant, Your Excellency." "Senorita, your slave." "You called me, Capitan?" "Come with me." "The prisoner has given you no trouble, I see." "Comandante, I find your taste in literature," "if you'll forgive me, appalling." "Never mind my taste." "A list of the people for tonight." "Si, Comandante." "Was the viceroy impressed by your model community?" "He will be more impressed by the time he leaves." "It would be rather embarrassing if Zorro should turn up and show what your administration is really like." "Now I have Zorro prisoner, I can no longer be embarrassed." "No, I suppose not." "You've had quite a bit of practice, eh?" "I suggest you laugh while you can." "If you'll join me, I will." "I will laugh later, after the viceroy's party." "Ole!" "Ole!" "Quite accomplished." "Very attractive." "But contrasted with real beauty, it's difficult to concentrate on anything else." "I trust I give no offense?" "After such a meal and such gallantry, who could take offense?" "Caballeros, a toast." "Excellency, Godspeed and good journey tomorrow." "I trust the rest of your tour bring you as much happiness" "as your visit has brought us." "Thank you." "It has been an extremely instructive evening." "Most enlightening." "But now the hour is growing late, and we must rise early." "I want to thank you for the entertainment and bid you all good night." "Sergeant." "Bring in de la Vega." "Quickly." "Thank you, Senor, a delightful evening." "Excellency, you have been so patient." "I beg you, grant me a few moments more." "I've been saving a surprise for you." "The Comandante is full of surprises." "When I told you I'd stamped out all crime, it was only partly true." "indeed?" "Only partly?" "Yes. I had not accounted for Zorro." "As you know, he's been a constant terror to this entire pueblo." "Striking at night when the innocent are asleep, lurking in the shadows." "Even our lancers have been powerless against him." "He sounds clever." "I wish we had him on our side." "But, Your Excellency, I have the honor to announce that at this very moment Zorro is my prisoner." "You've captured Zorro?" "I've sent for him so that you may see him unmasked." "This should be exciting." "You said he outwitted your soldiers." "My soldiers represent only military force." "You do not catch a fox by brute strength, but by cunning." "GARCIA:" "Don't just stand there." "let us in!" "As you see, Your Excellency, I have brought a fox to earth." "Come with me, Sergeant." "Stand here." "Your Excellency, I will not trouble you with a list of this man's crimes against the crown." "You know from the official reports." "Enough to hang him a dozen times." "We need but one hanging, and I propose we celebrate that tonight." "This man is a turncoat?" "Of the worst sort." "A man who held a respected position in this community." "With your permission?" "De la Vega!" "Father, it's Diego!" "Oh, no, no, no." "There must be some mistake." "I'm flattered, but the Comandante is suffering from a delusion." "It's a pleasure to see you both again." "You know this man, Your Excellency?" "Of course we do." "Diego and my son went to the same university in Spain." "We are very good friends." "Capitan, is this accusation your idea of a joke?" "No, Your Excellency. lt is no joke." "Diego de la Vega is the infamous outlaw Zorro." "What reason would Diego have?" "The de la Vegas are the wealthiest landowners in California." "If to turn outlaw means to fight his tyranny, there is reason." "Zorro has all of my sympathy." "Unfortunately, well, I do not share his abilities." "Senor Alcalde, you have witnessed Zorro's misdeeds?" "Si." "You've had a good look at him?" "Si." "ls this man not Zorro?" "I am not sure." "In this costume, he looks like him." "Sergeant, you have my permission to speak freely." "De la Vega submitted without protest when you arrested him, did he not?" "Si, Comandante, but..." "Licenciado Pina, you have seen this bandit at close range." "Can you not identify this prisoner as Zorro?" "Yes. I am positive." "This man, without a doubt, is Zorro." "Don Esteban, permit me one favor." "What is it?" "Send the Comandante out to cool his head while I have a word with you." "Whatever the prisoner has to say can be said in my presence." "Don't worry. I will not try to escape." "It seems to be a reasonable request." "Will you be responsible for him?" "Yes, I will." "Very well. I bow to your wishes, Excellency." "Come with me, Sergeant." "Guard the windows, roof and balcony." "If he makes a run for it, cut him down." "Has Zorro escaped?" "No, baboso." "It is such a pleasure to call someone else that." "I wonder what lies de la Vega's telling the viceroy." "The evidence against him is overwhelming." "The viceroy must realize he is guilty." "The Senorita seemed anxious." "Hardly anxious. lt is difficult for her to believe the facts." "Besides, you must have noticed that the Senorita seems smitten with me." "Ah, you think so?" "ls it so difficult to understand?" "Look at me." "You find me attractive?" "No." "You idiot!" "I mean if you were a woman." "If I was a woman and fat like this, I wouldn't be particular." "A marriage between the viceroy's daughter and I would be mutually advantageous." "Don't you think?" "It would certainly be a quick way of becoming a colonel." "Get inside and see what is going on." "Si, Capitan." "Everything seems quiet, Comandante." "Too quiet." "His Excellency wishes you to return." "Oh." "Capitan Monastario, I have no doubt as to your earnest intentions." "Thank you." "Diego says you provided this disguise." "It is identical with the costume Zorro always wears." "In all fairness to my friend, look carefully at this disguise and tell me if you could not be mistaken." "No, I am not mistaken." "Any man wearing this might be Zorro." "You heard a positive identification that this man is Zorro." "That is true, but this disguise conceals most of his features." "Another man might have the same build as de la Vega, another man the same height, or wear a moustache like his, but it is too much to expect all of these qualifications in the same person." "No, Your Excellency." "Without a doubt, this man is Zorro." "No one could ask for a more positive identification than that." "Capitan, this lancer put on the costume on my orders." "No harm is to come to him." "But de la Vega is Zorro!" "This is another one of his tricks!" "You were just as positive when you identified this soldier." "But I know de la Vega is guilty." "He poses as a poet, a weakling, an inept swordsman." "The other day I saw him duel an expert and vanquish him when he thought he was unobserved." "The Comandante is confused." "This is becoming an obsession with him." "The Comandante has not been well." "He has hardly slept." "Shut up, you idiot!" "I do not need your advice or help!" "You have made a fool of me once too often." "You give me too much credit." "It takes no skill at all to make a fool of you." "If I cannot appeal to the viceroy's reasoning, then I will appeal to the de la Vega honor." "I demand satisfaction!" "Very well." "Sword, please." "Gloves." "Innkeeper, clear the room." "Senor Comandante, please fight outside." "Idiot!" "Lancers, get the table and chairs out of here." "Quickly!" "And now, we shall show His Excellency your ability with a blade." "Fight well, for l am going to kill you." "Father, you must stop them." "Diego knows what he's doing." "I shall force you to reveal yourself." "As a poor swordsman?" "Everyone knows that." "Oh!" "Diego, that is enough!" "Stop!" "Admit you are Zorro or your throat will never utter another sound." "I'll give you one last chance." "MAN:" "It's Zorro." "Lancers, to arms!" "Zorro?" ""Sorry to have missed your fiesta." "Zorro."" "You put on a very convincing show, Capitan Monastario, but I had all the evidence I needed against you and Licenciado Pina." "You take the word of my enemies?" "All of California is your enemy." "You're both under arrest." "Take them away." "Diego!" "l knew you could not be this Zorro." "Thank you, sir." "Sergeant Garcia." "Yes, sir?" "Take over command of the garrison." "Yes, Excellency." "Yes, sir, Your Excellency!" "Excellency, you have not made a mistake appointing me Comandante." "Comandante, your hat." "Gracias, Don Diego." "And now, what is your first order of the day?" "My first order?" "I declare a holiday in honor of my promotion." "Bravo!"