"Guys, look!" "Ugly Naked Guy's putting stuff in boxes." "I'd say our naked buddy is moving." "Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled "Clothes."" "I'm going to miss that big old squishy butt." "And we're done with the chicken fried rice." "If he's moving, maybe I should try to get his place!" "It would be so cool to live across from you guys." "We could do that telephone thing where you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string." "Or we could do the actual telephone thing." "He's got packing tape stuck to where you really don't want it." "Get it off, fat man!" "Get it off!" "Oh, no, he's trying to pull it off slowly." "Take it from me, if you're gonna pull tape off yourself, it's gotta be in one quick motion." "Like that." "The One Where Everyone Finds Out" "Oh, my God." "I love this apartment!" "Isn't it perfect?" "I can't believe I never realized how great it is!" "Because your eye goes to the big naked man." "It's amazing!" "Hurry up with an application, or I'll beat you to it." "Well, I'm going to use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom." "Look!" "There's Monica and Chandler." "Hey, you guys!" "Chandler and Monica!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my eyes!" "My eyes!" "It's okay!" " They're doing it!" " I know!" " I know!" " You know?" "Yes, I know it." "Joey knows, but Ross doesn't, so stop screaming!" "What's going on?" " What?" " Nothing!" "We are so excited that you'll get this apartment!" "Looks really good." "Looks pretty good!" "Get in here!" "Come on!" "You mean whenever Monica and Chandler were doing laundry or going grocery shopping?" "The time Monica spent on the phone with Linda from camp?" "Doing it, doing it, phone, doing it." "I can't believe it!" "I think it's great." "For him." "She could do better." "Hey, you guys." "Come here!" "Phoebe found out about Monica and Chandler." "You mean how they're friends and nothing more?" "Joey, she knows." "We saw them doing it through the window." "Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window." "We saw them fornicating." "So they know you know, and they don't know that Rachel knows?" "Yes, but it doesn't matter who knows what." "Now enough of us know that we could just tell them we know." "All the lying and the secrets will finally be over." "Or, we could not tell them we know, and have a little fun." "What do you mean?" "If they say they are doing laundry, we'll give them laundry to do." "I would enjoy that." "You know what would be even more fun?" "Telling them." " That doesn't sound like fun." " So we'll make it fun." "We'll do it like a barbershop quartet!" "We know, we know, we know" "No, I want to do Phoebe's thing." "I can't take..." "You don't have to do anything." "Just don't tell them we know." "I can't take anymore secrets." "I got your secrets, their secrets, secrets of my own." "You don't have any secrets." "Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal." "How are we going to mess with them?" "You could use your position as the roommate." "And I would use the strongest tool at my disposal." "My sexuality." "Hello, children." "Watch." "Learn." "And don't eat my cookie." "That jacket looks great on you." " Really?" " The material is so soft." "Hello, Mr. Bicep." "You're working out?" "I try to squeeze things." "Are you okay?" "If you really want to know..." "I can't tell you this." "You can tell me anything." "Actually, you are the one person I can't tell this to." "And the one person I want to the most." "What's going on?" "I just haven't been with a guy in so long and sometimes you're looking for something and it's right there in front of you, sipping coffee..." "Oh, no." "Have I said too much?" "Just something to think about." "I know I will." "You are so cute." "How did you get to be so cute?" "My grandfather was Swedish." "And my grandmother was a tiny little bunny." "Now you're even cuter." "You know, that is a popular opinion today, I must say." "The weirdest thing happened at the coffeehouse." "Phoebe was hitting on me." "What are you talking about?" "I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy." "It's not possible." "I'm sorry, Phoebe's just always thought you were charming in a sexless kind of way." "You know, I can't hear that enough." "I just think you misunderstood her." "I didn't, okay?" "She was all over me." "She touched my bicep, for crying out loud." "This bicep?" "Well, it's not flexed right now." "Why is it so hard for you to believe that Phoebe could be attracted to me?" "It's not." "All the girls are attracted to you." "You're part bunny." "Mon, you want to come see a movie with us?" "Actually, I was going to do some laundry." "Want to do it with me?" "Sure, I'll do it with you." "Okay, great." "Hold on a second." "Here you go." "That would really help me out a lot." "Thanks." "You know what?" "I don't have enough quarters." "I have quarters!" "Great." "Now we can do laundry all night." "All night laundry!" "Hey, any word on the apartment yet?" "I called there, and it turns out Naked Guy is subletting it." "He's already had 100 applicants." " Oh, man." " No, no, it's okay." "Because you know what the difference between them and me is?" "Your history of bedwetting?" "Hey, I trusted you, man!" "Anyway, the difference is I've got the edge." "It's not exactly ethical, but I sent him a bribe to tip the scales in my direction." "You can see it from the window." "Is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it?" "That new mountain bike?" "What did you send?" "A basket of mini muffins." "There's a whole table of them." "Which one did you send?" "The small one." "You actually thought that basket was going to get you the apartment?" "Someone sent us a basket at work, and people went crazy over those muffins." "It was the best day." "Your work makes me sad." "Oh, man, I want that place so much!" "And I was so sure that was going to work." "There's 12 bucks I'll never see again." "We'd better go if we want to catch that movie." "Bye." "Bye, Chandler." "I miss you already." "Did you see that?" "The inappropriate, and the pinching?" "Actually, I did." "So do you believe that she's attracted to me?" "Oh, my God!" "She knows about us!" "Are you serious?" "She knows, and she's trying to freak us out!" "That's the only explanation!" "But what about my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps?" "She knows!" "Phoebe knows about us." "I didn't tell them!" "Them?" "Who's "them"?" "Phoebe and Joey." "And Rachel." "I would have told you, but I promised not to tell." "I'm sorry." "But it's over now, right?" "You can tell them you know they know, and I can go back to knowing nothing!" "Unless..." "Not "unless"!" "This must end now!" "They think they are so slick messing with us." "But they don't know that we know that they know." "So..." "The messers become the messees!" "Come on, you guys." "Think how much fun it would be to tell." "We know, we know, we know" "What?" "Oh, that wasn't you." "Honey, you got to stop torturing yourself." "Why don't you find another apartment?" "I've already looked at 1000 apartments this month." "None of them even compares to that one." "Well, except for one, but I would have had to share it with an Armenian family." "Grandma really liked me." "But I want Ugly Naked apartment!" "You know what?" "You should find out his hobbies and use that to bond with him." "Like if I wanted something from Joey I would strike up a conversation about sandwiches or my underwear." "I'm listening." "That is a great idea!" "And I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for five years." "So that gives me back my edge!" "Let's see now." "He had the trampoline." "He broke that." " He had gravity boots." " He broke those too." "So he likes to break stuff." "I've got to go pick up Ben." "But I will figure something out." "Didn't he used to have a cat?" "I wouldn't bring that up." "It would bum him out." "Poor cat never saw that big butt coming." "Hold on a second, she's right here." "It's Chandler." "Hello, you." "Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day." "You know that thing you said before?" "I was intrigued." "Really?" "Joey won't be here tonight." "Why don't you come over?" "I'll let you feel my bicep." "Or maybe more." "I'll have to get back to you on that." "He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!" "Are you kidding?" "I cannot believe he would do that to Mon..." "Joey?" "Do they know that we know?" "They know you know." "I knew it!" "I would say, "Thank God!" "Everybody knows!" "It's finally over!"" "But that hasn't been working for me." "I cannot believe those two!" "They thought they could mess with us?" "Trying to mess with us?" "They don't know that we know they know we know." "Joey, you can't say anything." "Couldn't if I wanted to." "Good evening, sir." "I'm Ross Geller." "I'm one of the applicants." "I realize that the competition is fierce but..." "I'm sorry, I can't help but notice that you're naked." "I applaud you." "Man, I wish I was naked." "I mean, this looks so great." "That is how God intended it." "Look." "They're panicked!" "They'll totally back down." "If he wants a date, he's going to get a date." "I'm going to go in." "Be sexy." "Please." "I'd love to come by tonight." "Really?" "Absolutely." "Say, around 7?" "I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse." "Hey, check it out!" "Naked Guy's got a naked friend." "Oh, my God!" "That's our friend!" "It's Naked Ross!" "Would you like another mini muffin?" "Try the blueberry, they're delicious." "Showtime!" "Rachel, get me perfume." "Joey, can you get me a bottle of wine and glasses?" "All right, thanks, but glasses that do not have handles and that are glass." "And wine that is not olive oil." "Make her think you want to have sex with her and it will freak her out." "How far am I gonna have to go with her?" "She'll give in way before you do." "How do you know?" "Because you're on my team." "My team always wins." "At this?" "Just go get some!" "Go!" "Now, I'm going to try to listen from right here." "Oh, wait." "Good idea." "Don't give away the farm." "Come on in." "I was going to." "I brought some wine." "Would you like some?" "Sure." "So here we are." "Nervous?" "Me?" "No." "You?" "I want this to happen." "So do I." "I'm going to put on some music." "Joey likes to scare the duck." "Maybe I'll dance for you." "You look good." "Thanks." "You know, when you say things like that, it makes me want to rip that sweater vest right off." "Why don't we move into the bedroom?" "Really?" "Do you not want to?" "First I want to take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me." "That would be nice." "I'll go get the lotion." "It's way out of hand." "She wants me to put lotion on her!" " She's bluffing!" " She's not backing down." "She went like this..." "He's not backing down." "He went to get lotion." "It's Chandler." "You can take him." "Come on." "Don't you remember when you made him cry using only your words?" "Aren't you guys done yet?" "I want to sit in my chair!" "The sooner Phoebe breaks him, the sooner it's over and out in the open." "I like that." "Show him your bra." "He's afraid of bras." "Can't work them." "You didn't rip off any buttons." "It's not my first time." "Go back there and seduce her till she cracks!" "Give me a second." " Did you clean up in here?" " Of course!" "You're going?" "Not without you, lover." "So this is my bra." "It's very, very nice." "Well, come here." "I'm very happy we're going to have all the sex." "You should be." "I'm very bendy." "I'll kiss you now." "Not if I kiss you first." "I guess there's nothing left for us to do but kiss." "Here it comes." "Our first kiss." "You win!" "I can't have sex with you!" " And why not?" " I'm in love with Monica!" "You're what?" "Love her!" "I love her!" "I love her!" "I love you, Monica." "I love you too, Chandler." "I thought you were doing it." "I didn't know you were in love!" "Dude!" "Hats off to Phoebe." "Quite a competitor." "May I say your breasts are still showing." "God." "All right!" "So that's it?" "It's over." "Everybody knows!" "Actually, Ross doesn't." "We'd appreciate it if no one told him yet." "Well, here it is." "A new place for a new Ross." "I'll have you and the guys from work over, once it's furnished." "It's nice to see you back on your feet." "I am that, and the whole rage thing is definitely behind me." "I wonder if it's time for you to rejoin our museum team?" "That would be great." "I am totally ready to come back to work." "What are you doing?" "Get off my sister!" "robinson_crusoe" "Chandler!" "Chandler!" "I saw what you were doing in the window!" "I saw what you're doing to my sister!" "Get out here!" "Listen, we had a good run." "What was it?" "Four, five months?" "That's more than most people have in a lifetime." "Goodbye." " What are you doing?" " I am going on the lam." "Come on, Chandler." "I can handle Ross." "Hold on!" "Hey, Ross." "What's up, bro?" "What the hell are you doing?" "What's going on?" "I think Ross knows about me and Monica." "Dude, he's right there." "I thought you were my best friend!" "This is my sister!" "My best friend and my sister!" "I cannot believe this!" "We're not just messing around." "I love her." "I'm in love with her." "I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way." "I'm sorry, but it's true." "I love him too." "My best friend and my sister!" "I cannot believe this!" "You guys want to probably get some hugs in too." "Big news!" "We've actually known for a while." "What?" "You guys knew?" "You all knew and you didn't tell me?" "We were worried about you." "We didn't know how you were going to react." "You were worried about me?" "You didn't know how I'd react?" "Okay." "All right." "Let's clear out of here and let these lovebirds get back to business." "I'm just talking here." "He's the one doing your sister." "The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey" "You know what I just realized?" "If you guys have kids..." "We're having kids?" "I call godfather!" "You can't just call godfather." "Shouldn't her brother be godfather?" "Sure." "If you cared enough to call it first." " You're a few steps ahead of us." " Big zero gravity moon steps." "I just thought of the greatest wedding gift." "I'll go in on that with you." "I couldn't decide." "Hey, Katie." "This is Katie." "You ready to go?" "I'll run to the bathroom." "Where's lunch?" "I was thinking Chinese food." "I love Chinese!" "How did you know I love Chinese?" "She is so cute." "You could fit her in your pocket." "She could fit in that little pocket inside the pocket." "I don't know." "I like her a lot, and she's really nice, but..." "But what?" "She keeps punching me." "In the cute, little sweet way she just did?" "It's a lot harder than it looks." "She's hurting me." "I know what you need." "You need a bodyguard." "What is Ben doing after preschool?" "Joey is having a problem." "A little girl is beating him up." "Joey, come here." "Honey, I know." "This must be really difficult for you, and..." "I'm sorry, am I hurting you?" "I brought you some housewarming gifts." "Salt, so your life always has flavor." "Bread, so you never go hungry." "And a scented candle for the bathroom." "Because, well, you know." "Thanks." "Thanks." "And thanks, I guess." "Welcome." "I'm Steve Cera, president of the tenants' committee." "Ross Geller." "And this is my friend Phoebe." "Mr. President." "I came to talk to you about Howard." "He is the handyman who's retiring next week." "Everyone who lives here is kicking in $ 100 as a kind of a thank you." "That's nice." "Want to give me a check?" "Not now." "You can slip it under my door." "No, it's not that." "I just moved in." "Well, the guy's worked here for 25 years." "Yes, but I've lived here for 25 minutes." "Okay, I get it." "Wait!" "Look, I'm sorry, it's just I've never even met Howard." "I mean, I don't know Howard." "Howard's the handyman." "Yes, but to me, he's just "man."" "Okay." "Fine." "Whatever." "Welcome to the building." "Can you believe that guy?" "I really like his glasses." "So then President Steve told everyone I was a cheapskate and now the whole building hates me." "A little kid spit on my knee." "And told me to wipe it off with my $ 100 bill." "You really should wipe it off with something." "You know what?" "I'll throw a party." "For everyone in the building." "And I'll sit them all down and explain that I am not a bad guy." "I am not a cheap guy." "I'm just a guy who stands up for what he believes in." "A man with principles." "Sounds like a fun party." "If you want them to like you, why don't you just pay the $ 100?" "The party will cost you more." "That doesn't matter!" "It's my principles!" "We're talking about my principles!" "I thought it was about your neighbors liking you." "They'll like me once they come to my awesome party." "I gotta get some nametags." "And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law." "Very funny." "But don't say that to Monica." "Don't put any ideas in her head." "You do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head?" "Why?" "Well, because she loves you and because you love her." "Yeah, so?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Don't freak out!" "I'm telling you something you already know." "She left Richard because he didn't want to have babies." "And she is a woman." "And she's almost 30." "And, you know, it's Monica." "I don't see it that way." "I see two Monicas." "My friend who lives across the hall and wants a lot of babies." "And the new Monica who I started to date." "Now, who is to say what she wants?" "I'm right." "Am I right?" "Oh, absolutely." "I'm completely different from Richard." "He's an eye doctor, and I don't wear glasses." "You're right." "You're absolutely right." "That makes everything different." "It's not different, is it?" "Not unless different means "the same."" "You were so funny with that waiter." "You're such a nut!" "You know, bread-stick fangs are always funny." "No, you make them funny." "You're the funny one!" "Look, Katie." "Listen, we need to talk, okay?" "Look, I like you." "I really do." "I like you a lot." "But sometimes when you playfully punch me like that it feels like I'm being hit with a very tiny but a very real bat!" "Like I could hurt you." "Are you making fun of my size?" "Don't make fun of me because of my size!" "Isn't this great?" "Couldn't you just stay like this forever?" "Couldn't you just stay here forever?" "Yeah, here, somewhere else." "You know, wherever." "Are you okay?" "I'm cool." "Casual." "What are you doing?" "Just hanging out." "Having fun with the girl that I'm seeing casually." "Man, I knew it!" "I knew you'd do this." "What?" "Get all freaked out because everybody was joking about marriage!" "Well, you do want all that stuff, right?" "You know what I want?" "Yes!" "You want babies!" "You have baby fever!" "I do not have baby fever!" "You're obsessed with babies and marriage and everything that's related to babies and marriage." "Why don't we turn the heat down on this pressure cooker!" "Have you lost your mind?" "This isn't about me." "This is about you and your weird commitment crap!" "I know you." "I know the thoughts that you have in your head." "You don't know everything." "Did you know I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you?" "And that the only baby here is you?" "Did you know I can't even look at you now?" "I did not know that." "It'll be okay, right?" "She won't leave me." "This is fixable." " Yeah, sure." " Absolutely." "By me?" "Unless you make some big gesture." "Big, though." "The missus!" "Gunther, can I get a coffee?" "To go." "I still don't want to talk to you." "Tell me how to make things right." "That's what we do." "I mess up, you tell me how to fix it and I do." "And then you think I'm cute again." "I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor." "Figure this out for yourself." "If you're afraid of a real relationship then don't be in one." "Howard!" "Howard!" "Howard!" "Hi, Ross!" "What are you doing here?" "I thought this was your party, and it's a party for Howard." "He's the sweetest little man." "See you, Phoebe." "And thanks for chipping in." "Oh, sure." "You chipped in?" "Yeah, $ 100." "I can't believe you gave him money." "I thought you agreed it was unreasonable that they asked me for that money." "But they didn't ask me." "I'm just the exotic, generous stranger." "That's always fun to be." "But you're making me look bad." "No, I'm not!" "If anything, I'm making you look better." "They'll see you talking to me." "I'm a hit." "Hey, Pheebs!" "Hey, Ross." "Maybe you two could switch apartments." "Because Phoebe is more our kind of people." "Think about it." "Okay, my bad." "You look big." "Thanks, I've been working out." "Listen, is it obvious I'm wearing six sweaters?" "But it's not obvious why." "I'm breaking up with Katie, so I put on some extra padding." "If she hits me when she is happy, can you imagine how hard she'll hit when I take away the Joey love?" "Oh, right." "I forgot that you call it that." "Hey, cute jacket." "Thanks." " That's so sweet!" " Ouch!" "Did Joey tell you to say that?" "You guys are too much!" "You know what?" "I gotta tell you I think you're the one that is too much." "Joey has the nicest friends." "And the nicest girlfriend." "You're so sweet!" "You're so sweet!" "She just kicked me." "Aren't you going to do something?" "Do something or I'll walk out that door right now." "Are you going to?" "This is a disaster." "Can't I please just go?" "I'm talking you up to people." "Give it some time, relax." "Get something to eat." "What did you tell them about me?" "I told them about you and Emily." "Trying to get some sympathy." "But you came off as the bad guy." "I told it wrong." "We should talk about that because I don't understand what happened there." "This cake is really good!" "Things are looking up." "Oh, my God!" "Someone cut Howard's cake!" "Who would do a thing like that?" "3B." "You got your free food." "You ruined everyone's fun." "Isn't it time you went home?" "Go back to 3B, 3B." "Everyone, calm down!" "I have something that I'd like to say." "Who here likes Ross?" "Of course you don't like him." "He didn't give you any money." "He raised his own hand when I asked, "Who likes Ross?"" "And he's wearing two nametags." "I'll be honest." "When I first met Ross, I didn't like him at all." "Once I got to know him, I saw that he is really sweet and caring and very generous." "All I'm saying is, don't judge Ross before you get to know him." "You know, I like all of you guys now." "But when I first met you, you know?" "Kurt?" "I thought, abrasive drunk." "Lola?" "Mind-numbingly stupid." "You guys." "Gold digger, cradle-robbing perv." "So I think you all know what I mean." "Obviously, I didn't think they would throw things." "I thought if I kept insulting them you'd defend them." "Then you'd look like the hero." "See, I did not get that." "Where's Monica?" "I need to talk to her, it's urgent." "I'm Monica." "I need to talk to you." "It's urgent." "I've been thinking about us." "A lot of "us" thinking." "I guess there's only one way to do this." "What are you doing?" "Don't do it." "Will you marry me?" "What a bad idea." "I can't not look at it." "Why are you doing this?" "I don't know." "But I know I'm not afraid to do this." "I'm doing this because I'm sorry?" "Do you think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?" "The best reason is pregnancy." "Sorry is fourth, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married." "Will you be my wife?" "I want you to take a minute and think about how ridiculous this sounds." "I'm kind of wishing everyone wasn't here now." "None of that came from me." "I never said I wanted to have babies and get married!" "I was really confused." "Then I talked to these guys." "Who?" "Two divorces and Joey?" "She's right, you know?" "Yeah, but still, cheap shot!" "You know when I said that I want you to deal with relationship stuff all on your own?" "You're not ready." "I didn't think I was!" "Oh, my God." "What would you have done if I had said yes?" "I would've been happy because I would spend the rest of my life with the woman I love." "Or you would have seen a Chandler-shaped hole in that door." "Will you pass that knife?" "No, I will not." "You don't have to be mean about it." "You're right." "I'm sorry." "Will you marry me?" "I was going to ask you to marry me because I didn't say hello to you." "Or ask them to move in with you." "But I'm not sure." "Chandler?" "How long is this going to go on?" "I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were." "So a long time." "This is fun!" "Remember that "we were on a break" thing?" "I'm sorry." "Will you marry me?" "That's not funny." "robinson_crusoe" " What are you guys doing up?" " Finishing the crossword." "Do you know a six-letter word for "red"?" "Dark red." "Wrong, but there's a connect-the-dots in here for you later." "Hey, how about maroon?" "Yes!" "You are so smart!" "You guys are so cute." "I know." "See you in the morning." "I love doing crossword puzzles with you." "Me too." "Now let's finish this and go to bed." "Only one left." "Three-letter word." "Not dog, but..." "Cat." "You are so smart!" "I love you." "I love you too." "The One with the Cop" "We still need a tip." "All right." "Hold on." "I got it." "Nickel." " How much do we need?" " Couple of bucks." "Okay, dime." "You guys keep talking." "This could take a while." "Wait, look it!" "This is a police badge!" "Cool." "But why would a cop come in here?" "They don't serve doughnuts." "Could you discover the badge again?" "I can do better than that." "I bet somebody's missing that badge." "I should take it back." "But at the police station I'll check their 10 Most Wanted List." "My friend's been number 11 forever." "This could be her year!" " Hey, you guys." " Hey, Joey." "Is that my sweatshirt?" "Yes, it is." "I'm sorry." "I was cold." "I hope it's okay." "It's just that if you wear someone's sweatshirt shouldn't it be your boyfriend's?" "And I'm not him." "I'm sorry." "I'll give it back." "It's gonna be all smelling like Monica." "Do I smell bad?" "You smell like a meadow." "I'm sorry." "What's with him?" "The last time Joey went to a meadow his mother was shot by a hunter." "Look what I found." "It's a police badge." "What's that doing here?" "I don't see any doughnuts." "Cops and doughnuts." "Come on." "If Chandler had said it you'd all be on the floor." "Cops, doughnuts?" "Me?" "I still don't know." "I want to make sure I bought the right couch, one that says "Kids welcome here," but that also says "Come here to me."" "What?" "You say that to kids?" "The "Come here to me" is, you know, for the ladies." "Ross, honey, it's a nice couch, it's not a magic couch." "Well, you picked a great couch." " Sign here, please." " Sure." "The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch!" "That's ridiculous." "He lives three blocks away." "I'll take it myself." "Thank you." "All right, Rach, come on." "Let's go." "Are you kidding?" "Come on." "It's only three blocks." "It's not very heavy." "Try it." "Oh, I can do it." "You two will really enjoy that couch." "We're not together." "Something didn't quite add up there." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Well, you." "Her." "I mean, she's very you know." "And you're, like you know?" "Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out." "Really?" "You two?" "I don't want to do this now." "I'm carrying a heavy couch." "Then tell him quickly." "Fine." "We went out." "Not only did we go out we did it 298 times!" "You kept count?" "You are such a loser!" "A loser you did it with 298 times!" "Excuse me, ma'am." "You can't put your cigarette out on a tree." "Yeah, I can." "It worked well." "But you shouldn't." "So don't ever do that again." "I won't." "Till I have my next cigarette." "Hold it!" "N.Y.P.D. Freeze, punk!" "That's right." "You are so busted." "Book them." " Who are you talking to?" " Save it, red!" "Apologize to the tree or spend the night in the slammer." "I am not apologizing to a tree." "You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup." "Backup!" "Backup!" "I'm sorry!" "Sorry!" "Okay, cancel backup!" "Cancel backup!" "Didn't you say there was an elevator in here?" "Yes, I did, but there isn't." "Here we go!" "Don't you think we should rethink the whole hiring movers thing?" "No way." "They're a rip-off." "They check out your stuff and come back later and steal it." "It's true." "I saw it on Dateline." "Jane Pauley is the one woman I would kiss." " There's just something about her." " Rach, can we concentrate?" "Yeah, fine." "I listened to your dumb story." "Okay, go left." "Left." "Left." "Okay, you know what?" "There's no more left left." "Lift it straight up over your head." "Straight up." "You can do it!" "You can do it!" "Okay." "You got it?" " Go, go." " Good, good." "You got it, right?" "You got it, right?" "You got..." "Any chance you think it looks good there?" "This guy was all:" "And I'm all, "Buffay!" "Homicide!"" "It was just so cool!" " You were supposed to take it back." " I'm having fun doing good deeds." "You can get arrested for impersonating a police officer." "You could get arrested right now!" "I'd better take it back." "I'm totally drunk with power." "Yeah." "I didn't know you guys would be here." " Do me a favor." "Taste this." " What?" "Why?" "It's okay, Joe, she's a trained chef." "Actually, I was looking for Phoebe." "Well, you just missed her." "Was that her?" " I gotta go." " Joey, wait a minute." "Wait." " What is with you?" " Nothing." "You're acting strange." "All right." "There is something." "I kind of had a dream." "But I don't want to talk about it." "What if Martin Luther King had said that?" "I kind of have a dream." "I don't want to talk about it." "Look, it involved Monica." "You had a dream about the girl I'm seeing?" "Cool." "I dreamt about the girls he was seeing." "Let's talk about your dream." "I love you." "Your dream?" "There was no sex." "I haven't dreamt of her like that since I found out about you two." "More or less." "What was the dream about?" "You were my girlfriend." "We were doing the crossword puzzle." "Like you did last night." "That's it." "I'm in love with Monica." "I'll move out." "Joey, come on." "That doesn't mean you're in love with me." "It doesn't?" "It could mean anything." "Like you're jealous that I've become the apartment stud." "Sounds like your dream." "Or it could mean you saw Chandler and me being close and stuff and you want that too." "In the dream I did enjoy the closeness." "If that's what it was, that'd be great." "I wouldn't have to move." "Are you attracted to Monica?" "Right here, right now, are you attracted to her?" " Not really." " There you have it!" "Well, sure!" "I'm just wearing sweats!" "But that's good!" "You're not in love with me." "You just want a girlfriend." "It's not just about getting a girlfriend." "I could get a girlfriend." "We could sit and do crossword puzzles." "But could we have the closeness like you have?" "Monica and I were friends before we dated." "Maybe that's it." "Friends first?" "That's interesting." " You become friends after?" " No, never done that either." "Do you guys have a tape measure?" "Yeah." "It's actually in my bedroom." "That's right." "What's up, Joey?" "How you doing?" "Excuse me." "Is this your car?" "Don't park here." "You're blocking the entrance." "Don't worry." "It's not a problem." "It's a problem for me, so it's a problem for you, because I'm a cop." "So am I." "Okay." "So you're a cop." "You can park anywhere." "I know, because I'm a cop too." "Keep up the good work. 10-4." "Wait." "So, what precinct are you with?" "I'm with the 57th." " I know a guy in Homicide up there." " I'm in Vice." "In fact, I'm undercover right now." "I'm a whore." "Who else is in Vice there?" "Do you know Sipowicz?" "Sipowicz?" "I don't think so." "Yeah." "Sipowicz." "Yeah." "Big guy, kind of bald." "I don't know him." "Don't try to call him." "He's not there." "He's out." "His partner just died." "Tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss." "I sure will." "Take care." "By the way, I'm sure Sipowicz will be all right." "I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good." "Where'd you find my badge?" "Could you give me and Ross a hand moving his couch?" "I'd love to, but I got acting class." "But you know what?" "I guess I could blow that off." "For you." "Let me ask you something." "I was talking with Monica and Chandler." "Boy, they are really tight." "I know." "That's not a bad situation they got there." "Think I'll get me one of those." "What's up, Joe?" "I think Monica and Chandler are so great because they were friends first." "So I asked myself, who are my friends?" "You and Phoebe." "I saw you first, so..." " What are you saying?" " Maybe you and I crank it up a notch." "You know, honey as flattered as I am that you saw me first I just don't think we should be cranking anything up." "I'll treat you real nice." "Yeah." "Well, you know..." "I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date." "But the way you do it is you meet someone, become their friend build a foundation, then ask them out on a date." "Don't hit on your existing friends." "Won't that take longer?" "Oh, but once you find it it's so worth the wait." "I understand." "Good." "Man, I wish I saw Phoebe first." "Come here to me." "No, no." "You come here to me." " I brought reinforcements." " Great!" "You brought Joey?" "The next best thing." "You brought Chandler?" "The next best thing would be Monica!" "I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so..." "I drew a sketch of how we'll do it." "Rach, that's you." "That's the couch." "What's that?" "That's me." "Certainly think a lot of yourself." "No." "That's my arm." "I see." "I thought you just really, really liked your new couch." "Just follow my lead." "Come on, Chandler." " All right." " Okay." "Here we go." "All right." "Ready?" "Turn!" "Turn!" "Turn!" " I don't think we can turn any more!" " I don't think it'll fit!" "Yeah, it will." "Come on!" "Up, up, up!" "Up!" "Yes!" "Here we go!" "Pivot!" "Pivot!" "Pivot!" "Pivot!" "Pivot!" "Pivot!" "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "I don't think it'll pivot any more." "You think?" "All right, let's bring it back down and try again." "I think it's really stuck now." " I can't believe that didn't work." " I know." "Me neither." "I mean, you had a sketch." "What did you mean when you said "pivot"?" "Man, I cannot figure this out." "Yeah, because it's not 1985." "You guys, guess what?" "I ditched a cop." " What?" " What do you mean?" "He caught me using his badge and he tried to bust me." "Damn real cops!" "How far did he chase you?" "Well, he didn't really." "He just picked up his badge and stood there." "Maybe we'll see you on World's Most Boring Police Chases." " Why did you run?" " I had to." "You know, impersonating a cop is like a Class E felony." "Two to four years minimum." "I am not going back to that hellhole." "If I can just get it to pivot we'll be back on track." " Rach, can I get some help please?" " Yeah." "Turn it off!" "Turn it off!" "Maybe the firemen can help us move the couch when they get here." " Wait, wait, wait." " It's a new couch!" "It's a new couch!" "How's it going?" "Make any new friends?" "Yeah." "I met this woman." "What's she like?" "Well, she's really good in bed." " You were going to be friends first." " Hey, it's all your fault." "Why?" "You didn't give me advice." "You gave me a pickup line." "I told her I wanted to build a foundation and be friends first." "Suddenly, through no fault of my own, I became irresistible to her!" "And her roommate." "What about the closeness?" "Closeness, schmosness." "There was three of us, for crying out loud!" "Who wants pizza?" "I do!" "I do!" "I do!" "This is great!" "Can you believe I found it on the second floor?" " Who is it?" " N.Y.P.D." "Oh, my God!" "Just a minute, officer!" " I'm looking for Phoebe Buffay." " My God, it's him!" "It's that cop!" " I can't believe he found me!" " Are you gonna go to jail?" "If I go down, you guys go down with me." "Harboring a fugitive?" "That's one to three years minimum." "Good luck, Chandler." "Arrest me, but you'll never make it stick and you know it." "I have no choice, it's my job." "You understand, right?" "And you understand that I'm calling my lawyer." "And once he puts you on the stand, he'll make you look like a fool!" "I don't like looking foolish." "Maybe I don't arrest you today." "Maybe I came by and you weren't here." "I'd love it if I weren't here!" "Since you're not going to jail tonight, I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me?" "Me?" "Ever since you flashed my badge I can't stop thinking about you." "You're the prettiest fake undercover whore I've ever seen." "Nice." "I didn't see that coming." "You're asking me out." "I could've done it better, but these people keep staring at me." "I'd like to go out with you, officer." " Gary." " Gary." "Okay, so it's a date." "I gotta ask you, though." "How'd you find me?" "I ran your fingerprints through the computer." "This was listed as your last known address." "Impressive." "Not as impressive as you." "Your record shows you've done some weird stuff." "We'll talk at dinner." " So I'll come by and pick you up?" " I can't wait." "Don't worry, I won't just take you out for doughnuts." "He has a gun!" "I'd like to return this couch." "I'm not satisfied with it." "You wanna return this couch?" "It's cut in half." " That's what I'm telling you." " Did you cut this couch in half?" "It's crazy, it is cut in half." "I don't understand." "This couch is cut in half." "I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half." "We can't accept it in this condition." "Well, I can't accept it in this condition." "You're saying this couch was delivered to you like this?" "Look, I'm a reasonable man." "I will accept store credit." "I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars." "I will take it." "robinson_crusoe" " Good!" "You guys are all here." " What's up?" "I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow." "Congratulations!" "Oh, boy." "That guy's underwear sucks!" " What?" " Well, I got this pair marked "XS."" "Let me tell you, there was no room for excess anything in there." "I'll be the coordinator of the women's collection." "I'll work right under the director." "It's the perfect job for me!" "If you nail the interview, you'll get it." "You want to work on your interview skills?" "Let's start with the handshake." "Very good handshake." "Good wrist action." "Let me try." "Oh, my God!" "What did I ever do to you?" "Did I squeeze too hard?" "Let's just say I'm glad I'm not Chandler." "The One with Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss" "That's right, Ross." "I can see you in your new apartment." "Same as yesterday, same as the day before." "Is he doing his "shark attack" bit?" "No." "Oh, wait!" "There he goes." "Very funny, Ross." "Very lifelike and funny." "No, no." "I wasn't waving at you, lady." "Whoa, maybe I was." "This hot girl in Ross' building is flirting with me." "Get in there, man." "Flirt back." "Mix it up!" "Yeah, I'm down with that." "Okay, here goes." "How you doing?" "It worked!" "She's waving me over." "I'll be right over." "Let's see, she's on the third floor..." " She is pretty, huh?" " Tell me about it." "No, no!" "I'm not with her." "That's just Monica." "Hey, Joey!" "Great stuff, huh?" "This your place?" "Yeah, of course it is." "Come on in." "Go by the window." "You can pretend to be surfing." "I counted." "You're not supposed to live here!" "Oh, man!" "What happened?" "I ended up at Ross' place." "I must have miscounted or something." "Damn!" "She's not there anymore." "Look, Ross is doing his "watching TV" bit." "No, Joe, I think he's just watching TV." "We've lost visual contact with the suspect." "Okay, now I really have to go." "It's so unfair that our date has to get cut short just because some guy shot at a store clerk." " I know, but it's my job." " Then maybe I could come too." "Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer." "All right, you go." " Oh, God!" " What?" "Oh, I just miss him so much!" "For just a week, you guys are close." "Yeah, it's weird." "I can't help it." "He's so sweet." "He's like this little puppy dog, you know?" "But like a really tough one who shoots bad guys." "I love the beginning parts of relationships." "You can't keep your hands off each other." "I know." "It is the best." "How long did that last for you and Chandler?" "What?" "It's still going on." "Come on, seriously." "When did it end?" "I am serious." "We're all over each other all the time." "Okay, you know where you are better than I do." "Why don't you just calm down?" "Get all your facts before you tell everybody you're the only hot couple." "God, I woke the beast." "I was wrong, obviously." "I just misspoke." "It's okay." "It is okay." "As long as you know Chandler and I are also hot and fiery." "Just as hot as you." "I mean, our flame..." "It is on fire!" "Here's your broom back." "You are so cute!" "The cute bar keeps getting lower and lower, doesn't it?" "How'd the interview go?" "Horrible!" "I did the stupidest, most embarrassing thing." "Did you say you wanted to have sex with his wife then fall off your chair?" "Did you get drunk on the way over there?" "Well, that explains why you didn't do the other stuff." "So, what happened?" "It was horrible!" "And the interview part went so well." "I even made him laugh." "He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah, if you've got enough life jackets."" "Trust me." "It was actually very funny." "Anyway, we were saying goodbye and..." "What happened?" "We were shaking hands  and he leaned in toward me." "Maybe he was opening the door  but I totally misread him and I..." "You kissed him?" "I didn't know what else to do!" "You could have tried not kissing him." "Thanks, Chandler." "A guy from Ralph Lauren called." "You got a second interview." "Monica, that's not funny." "Oh, okay." "A guy from Ralph Lauren called You got a second interview" "Oh, my God, Monica, you better be serious." "You just told me to be funny!" "Oh, my God." "I can't believe it!" "I got a second interview." "That kiss isn't looking like such a mistake now, is it?" "You don't think that's why he wants me back?" "Yeah!" "No?" "What are you talking about?" "I accidentally kissed him in the interview and now he wants me back because, "Let's bring back the girl who kisses everybody!"" "Come on, Rach." "What if he thinks I'll just sleep with him?" "He wants you back because you're right for the job." "Maybe." "I don't know." "Oh, God!" "How could I be so stupid?" "Rachel, don't say that." "I think you just need a hug from Joey." "Come on." "Come on." "She's back!" "Hot girl's back!" "Well, I'm not totally back yet, but I appreciate it." "No." "In Ross' building." "She's back!" "Wait there." "I'll be over in a second." "One, two, three..." "Got it!" "I gotta check out this hot girl." "There she is!" "Damn it!" "Did you move?" "Yes." "I lived with you for a while." "Then I found this place." "I'm Ross." "Do you happen to have a hot girl in there?" "No, I'm all alone." "Yeah." "Sorry about that." "Hey, little girl." "Is your mommy or sister or babysitter, by any chance, a hot girl?" " Daddy!" " Later, girl!" "Oh, man!" "Hot girl?" "Hot girl!" "Hi, Rachel." "Come on in." " It's nice to see you again." " Thank you." "What?" " Excuse me?" " Yeah, let me..." "Okay, I see what's going on here." "Now, look I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression." "But I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead." "Even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me!" "I do not want this job that bad." "Good day, sir." "If you're going in there to see Mr. Zelner, I hope you're ready to put out." "I am." "You are not gonna believe what that sleazeball from Ralph Lauren did to me!" "Okay, that's amazing!" "How did you know that?" "You got ink on your lip." "What do you say, maybe, sometime I hold your gun?" "We're not supposed to do that." "What could happen?" "I mean..." "Yeah." "I'm gonna say no." " Do you want to see a movie tonight?" " We can't." "We already have plans." "What are you doing?" "Well, same thing we did all day." "Just hang out at Gary's apartment." "He is so amazing." "We never left the bedroom." "But have fun at the movie." "Well, we're not seeing a movie." "Then why did you ask us if we wanted to go?" "Because I just wanted to know what you were doing so you wouldn't walk in on me and Chandler while we were doing it all night." "Will you excuse me?" "Chandler?" "Can I see you for a second?" " We have got to beat them!" " Why?" "Because Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than us." "So?" "So we've gotta go have a lot of sex and prove them wrong!" "You've got to stop this competitive thing." "It's crazy." "Just to impress them, you want us to have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why?" "Get your coat!" "Excuse me." "You should check this out." "Tell the other tenants." "Apparently, he's looking for some kind of hot girl." "Who isn't?" "I don't think we've met." "I'm Ross." "I know." "You're the guy who wouldn't chip in for the handyman." "Never mind." "I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted." "I mean, you had just moved in." "I had just moved in!" "Thank you!" "Listen..." "Jen." "I know this may sound a little..." "But would you want to grab a cup of coffee sometime?" "Sure, that would be nice." "My number's on there." "Give me a call." "I will give you a call." " I'll see you later." " Okay." "I forgot my paper." "That was amazing." "Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner." "That was amazing." "We are the hottest, huh?" "No one is hotter than we are." " We're the best." " No, you're the best." " No, you're the best." " No, you're the best." "I am the best." "Hey, guys." "What you been doing?" "Isn't that the girl who waved at you?" "I don't know, but I can see through your sheet." "Yeah, that's her." "You know, it doesn't matter." "I'll never meet her." "It's impossible to find her apartment!" "She lives in some hot-girl parallel universe or something." "What are you talking about?" "She lives on the 2nd floor, 7th apartment from the left." "No, she lives on the 3rd floor, 8th apartment from the left." "No." "Those first two windows, that's the lobby." "That other window is the stairway." "You've been counting wrong." "I did not know that!" "Thank you, Monica." "I almost lost another girl because of counting!" " So you ready?" " Yeah, I'll just get my coat." " Could you get that?" " Sure." "No!" "No!" "First, I would like to say thank you for seeing me again." "That's all right." "But I feel obligated to tell you that this meeting is being videotaped." "Well, first, I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and for yelling at you." "Fair enough." "Now, you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not yell at you and storm out." "And I think that's a big mistake." "And here's why." "I made a huge fool of myself, and I came back." "That shows courage." "When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no." "That shows integrity." "And I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage." "Now, I know that I've already said courage but you've got to have courage." "And finally, when I thought you were making sexual advances I said no, and I was not litigious." "So there you go!" "You got courage you got integrity, you got courage again and not litigious." "Look, Mr..." "Zelner." "I knew that!" "Oh, I knew that." "I really, really want this job." "And I think I would be really good at it." "You know what?" "I may regret this but I'll give you a shot." "You are?" "Really?" "Thank you." "Oh, God!" "Would it be inappropriate if I gave you a hug?" "Well, how about a handshake?" "Oh, God!" "I'm sorry!" "I did not mean to touch that!" "I mean, you!" "There!" "I'm gonna leave." "Thank you very much." "Hey, I'll see you Monday." "Are you tired?" "You better believe he's tired after the day we had!" "If you know what I mean." "Do you know what I mean?" "Honey, the tortilla chips know what you mean." "Do you like that badge I got you?" "Oh, yeah, it's so cool." "Now, I gotta go." "Officer Bing's got a 10-100." "That's pee-pee." "Phoebe, you have a twig in your hair." "We kind of took a detour on our way over here." "We were strolling through the park and no one was around, so..." " You didn't." " We did!" "We violated section 12, paragraph 7 of the criminal code." "The park, huh?" "Public place." "I hear you." "Can you excuse me for a second?" "Hi, Chandler." "Monica, this is the men's room." "Isn't it?" "Yes, it is." "I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual." "Haven't you?" "No." "And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out." "Okay, I don't want to disappoint you and I really don't want to disappoint the guy in the second stall..." "Sorry, man." "But come on, this is getting ridiculous." "Come on, we can't let them win!" "We've proved that we are hot, okay?" "So why are you obsessed about this?" "Phoebe and Gary are in that "can't keep their hands off each other" phase!" "So?" "It makes me really sad that we're not really there anymore." "Oh, is that what this has all been about?" "Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were all over each other all the time?" "Yeah, that was great." "That was really great." "But the truth is, I'm more excited about where we are now." " Really?" " Yeah." "I've never been in a relationship this long before." "To get past the beginning and still want to be around each other I think that's incredible." "And the fact that this is happening with you I think that's pretty exciting." "That's so sweet." "I know that I was acting a little crazy but I feel the same way." "You know what I just realized?" "You just freaked out about our relationship." " I did not." " Yes, you did!" "Admit it." "You freaked out!" "I freaked out a little." "A little?" "You freaked out bigtime, okay?" "And I fixed it!" "We have switched places." "I am the relationship king, and you are the crazy, irrational screwup!" "And now we're back." "I cannot believe Ross is buying this." "Thank God!" "I can't watch him anymore." "You guys ready?" "By the way, thank you for loaning us Pamela and Yasmine." "Man, they cannot get enough!" "robinson_crusoe" "Pick a card." "All right." "Now, memorize it." " You got it?" " Oh, yes." "Is that your card?" "Yes." " Hey, guys." " Hi there!" "Guess what." "Ben is gonna be in a TV commercial." "What are you talking about?" "It's not for sure, but we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was cute." "You know, which he is." "He gave us his card and told us to bring him for this commercial he's auditioning." "This guy's the biggest commercial casting director in town!" "Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition?" "I mean, way to go, Ben!" "I've been in that park a million times and no one's offered me an audition." "It's crazy." "We were pushing Ben on the swings..." "I'm always on the swings!" "What am I doing wrong?" "That." "The One Where Rachel Smokes" " Gotta go." "Wish me luck." " Good luck." "Since you work at Ralph Lauren, can you get me some shirts?" "I don't know if I'd feel comfortable stealing on my very first day." "Unwilling to steal from work." "Interesting." "If anybody gets free stuff, it's me." "Okay, guys, way to wish me luck." "Go get 'em!" "Let's discuss Rachel's birthday." "I say we throw a surprise party this weekend." "But her birthday's not for another month." "If we throw her party on her birthday, it's not a surprise." "Great!" "We can have a dinner party and just invite her close friends." "Ross!" "We're having a surprise party for Rachel." "Done." "Great." "Wanna do it together?" "I'd love to do it together!" "They're gonna do it together." "That's my girlfriend." "So I gotta shut it down now?" "I gotta go." "I'm picking up Ben and then we're off to the big audition." "It's gonna be weird seeing some actor pretending to be Ben's dad." "Weirder than seeing his two moms make out?" "Dad?" "There's a dad in the commercial?" "Yeah." "The dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it." "Maybe I'll go with you and audition as the dad." "Who better to play Ben's father than his godfather?" " You're not his godfather." " What?" "Are you kidding?" "Of course I am." " Okay, let's go, godfather." " All right!" "They're gonna let me audition!" "Really?" "That's great!" "One of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play." "So I steered clear of her." "And the other one, I know from..." "Well, you know." " That kid looks familiar." " Oh, yeah." "He's done tons of commercials." "I've seen him in Sugar Smacks, PlayStation and that one for the phone company." "He was so good, he convinced me to switch phone companies." "Chandler was mad." "He's not gonna get this one." "Ben is way cuter than that kid." "I mean, look at him." "That's great." "Wouldn't it be great if I got to play Ben's dad?" "You look nothing like Ben." "I look more like him than you do." "I really don't know you well enough for you to do that." "So it's down to these two." "Nancy, I know you like this one." "I think I agree." "Rachel, what do you think?" "Well, that one is pretty but I just love this fabric." "Sorry." "Don't be." "Part of your job is to give your opinions." "Then I take credit for them." "I'm kidding!" "She is kidding." "But don't ever disagree with her again." "Okay, now I'm kidding!" "What a fun office." "I don't know which one." "But I do know I need a cigarette." "Let's take a break, go outside and sort this out when we return." " You smoke?" " No." "My dad's a doctor." "And he would always tell me horror stories..." "About ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess' right to smoke." "And then they came back from smoking and they'd made all of the decisions." " That's not fair." " I know." "It's like I'm being punished for not having this disgusting, poisonous habit." "Yeah, it is the best." "What if this keeps happening?" "They'll be smoking, making the decisions and I'll be up in my office breathing in my stupid clean air." "And when Kim wants to promote one of us who do you think she'll pick?" "Me or Smokey Smokerson?" "We used to have a smoking area at work." "It was great." "There was this big flowerpot with dirt in it." "We used to put our cigarettes out in it." "One of the old-timers told me there used to be a little tree in there." "You can go down there and not smoke." "Say you want some fresh air." "I could do that." "Or you could do the easy thing and smoke." "You gotta take long, deep drags." "Wow, I still don't have my lung capacity back yet." "Rach, do you wanna go get coffee?" " I would love to." " Oh, good." "I'm gonna go too." "Oh, good." "Oh, I changed my mind." "Let's talk about the party." "I have so many ideas." "Me too!" "Oh, look at that." "This is a little sketch of the cake." "See?" "Some sample menus." "I thought we'd start with a Tuscan-style finger food." "And for music, here's an alphabetized list of all of my CDs." "I've highlighted the ones that'll go with the food." " What about the intimate dinner party?" " We're not doing that." "Looks like you took care of everything." "Thanks a lot, cohost." "Wait a minute." "There's plenty of things for you to do." "Like what?" "Cups." "You're giving me cups?" "And ice." "Cups and ice?" "I get to be in charge of cups and ice?" "All right." "Fine." "I will be in charge of cups and ice." " I can get ice at the restaurant..." " I got it!" " How did the audition go?" " Not so good." "Wait a minute." "Are you doing Joey's:" ""The audition didn't go so well..." "Yeah, it did"?" "Yeah, I am!" " Yeah, Ben got a second audition." " That's great!" "I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback." "You got a callback too, didn't you?" "Yeah, I did!" "What are you doing out here?" "It got kind of lonely up there, so I thought I would come out here and get some fresh air." "We're discussing the fall collection." "Oh, great." "Anyway, we really..." " Sorry." "We're smoking all over you." " That's okay." "We'll move." "You stay there." "I sent the designs to Ralph." "He was excited about it." "That's great!" "You are the best!" "Excuse me." "Can I bum one of those?" "Actually, this one's..." "What's so funny over here?" "I thought you didn't smoke." "You know, I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes." "You know what I mean?" "Doobies?" "Actually, I thought to myself, "Those guys are crazy!"" "But no, I smoke the regular ones all the time." "We get high." "Me too." "I'm kidding." "Me too." "Oh, God!" "This is so nerve-racking." "How do you do this?" "Fortunately, I don't get many callbacks, so..." "Is it a good sign that they asked us to wait?" "Who knows?" "We have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle and Joey." "The rest of you, thank you." "Yes!" "I knew it!" "Bye-bye." "So long." "Later." "I'm not married to him anymore." "He's my ex-husband." "I'm totally gay!" "This is great!" "I might get to play Ben's dad." "Actually, that can't happen." "Because you have such different looks we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben." "So it'll either be you two or you two." " This is gonna be kind of weird." " Yeah, it is." "Yeah." "It's gonna be weird." "No." "We're like best friends." "That's why it's weird." "I thought we were just talking." "If Ben gets this commercial, do you think you can get me some free soup?" "Chandler, a can of soup is like 60 cents." "Yeah, okay, but I have been supporting a 29- year-old Italian for five years." "Is it okay if I leave this here till Rachel's birthday party?" " Sure." "What's in them?" " Cups." "Good, because we got Rachel 800 gallons of water." "That's a lot of cups." "I'm in charge of cups and ice." "And Monica's gonna rue the day she put me in charge of cups and ice." "You know, I rued the day once." "Didn't get a whole lot else done." "Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups." "Ross, I'm glad you're here." " I want to talk to you." " What's up?" "I've been thinking about this commercial thing." "Me against Ben." "The two of us competing." "That can't lead to anything good." "I think I'm just gonna step aside." "I'll tell them that I won't audition." "Joey, that's great." "Thanks, man." "That's it?" "You're gonna let me do this?" "It's my career we're talking about!" "But you just..." "I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it." "If anyone should step aside, it should be Ben." " What?" " Chandler, tell him!" "Well, let me get the door first." "Hi, no one!" "Why should Ben step aside?" "It was his audition in the first place." "You tagged along." "You're like the tagalong dad!" "At least I care about his feelings." "What?" "You know how hard it'll be on him when he doesn't get it?" "And why wouldn't he get it?" "Come on!" "Have you seen what my kid can do?" "He dials phones, he eats tortilla chips." "He plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!" "Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid?" "You just give him a spoon, baby." "Oh, yeah?" "I guess we'll see!" "This commercial belongs to me and Mitch!" " Your kid's name is Raymond!" " Yeah?" "So is yours!" " How did work go?" " It was great." "I went down there like you said." "And we talked business." "And Kim took my opinions." "You stink!" " Thanks." " No, I'm serious." "That's because I went down there and they were smoking." "This is actually the smell of success." "But there's something different..." "Oh, my God!" "You smoked!" "I did not." "Yes, you did." "You look happy and sick." "You smoked!" "All right, fine!" "But I had to." "I had to do it for my career." "I wish I had to smoke for my career." "But it's so gross!" "It's not that bad, you know?" "Yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and my fingers sort of smell." "I actually feel like I could throw up." " Can you hear yourself?" " I know." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm not myself." "I smoked like half a pack." "I feel a little shaky and a little weird." "But you gotta push past this, okay?" "Because it's about to get so good." "You smell so smoky, I gotta get up." "I'm not kidding." "I think you smell great." "So we're decided." "No on plaid, yes on pink." "Absolutely." "I'm so onboard." " Didn't you just light that?" " Yeah." "But you know what?" "I'm just really, really trying to cut back, you know." "Good luck, Rach." "I've been thinking about quitting." "Every Sunday night, I tell myself I'm quitting." "Every Monday morning, it's like:" "Tell me about it." "We'll just quit." "Let's all quit!" "It sounds appealing." " I never could do it." " But you could." "Absolutely." "We can help each other." "We could get those patches." "We could be like the Patch Sisters." "You know, we really should quit." "Okay, let's quit!" "Great!" "Give me those cigs." "Come on!" "Give it!" "Out." "Done." "Quit." "My late husband gave me that lighter." "I'm not kidding." "Okay, then." "Mmm... soup." "Mmm... soup." "Would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?" " No problem." " Thanks." "So you want to be an actor?" "I gotta tell you, it's no picnic." "There's tons of rejection." "No stability." "I mean, one day, you're Dr. Drake Ramoray." "The next day, you're eating ketchup out of the bottle." "It's a tough life." "I mean, sure, you can get up whenever you want watch TV all day meet tons of women in acting class..." "Oh, who am I kidding." "I can't talk you out of this." "It's a great life." " Joey." " Ross." "Ben." "I mean, Ben." "Ben." "Raymond, Joey, you're up." "So here's what..." "Are you sure that I haven't seen you somewhere before?" "No, I haven't been in any plays." "All right, let's try one." "Whenever you guys are ready." "Is there a problem?" "Well, this is noodle soup." "And I've been working with tomato." "But that's okay." "No problem." "Mmm... noodle soup." "You know, that's fine." "But the line is, "Mmm... soup."" " What'd I say?" " "Mmm... noodle soup."" "How's that different?" "All right." "Let's try one." "Mmm noodle soup." "Let's do it again." "Mmm... soup." "I mean, noodle soup." "I mean, soup!" "Come on!" "You know what?" "We need to move on." "No, I could do it one more time." "Look." "Mmm... noodle soup." "Damn it!" "So I think that if we get these samples into the magazine by Monday, we'll be fine." "Sounds good." "So, Rach, how you doing?" " I'm great!" " No, with the not-smoking thing." "Kill me now." "Let me tell you something, I ate 40 Mallomars today." "I mean, I have patches all over my body, you know?" " I mean, I haven't slept in two days." " We quit yesterday." "That's counting today." "But anyway, so these samples, I think..." "Oh, my God!" "I'm so sorry, I forgot." "I have to go to the mailroom and mail some proofs." "Go ahead." "Rachel and I will just sit here and keep brainstorming." "Also, Vogue called." "And they were wondering..." "You know what?" "I'm a little hungry." "I'm just gonna run down to the vending machines." "All right." "Busted!" "Come on!" "What are you doing?" "I thought we were the Patch Sisters." "That didn't work out." "Wait a minute." "What about all we've talked about?" "You know, the disgusting place, the ugly people." "Hey, how you doing?" "We tried to quit." "But it was too hard." "If you started smoking again, you could have at least told me." "Give me one." "What are we talking about?" "Don't you give up." "That's why we didn't tell you, and we won't drag you down." "Wait." "No, no." "Drag me down." "Forget it." "We're so proud of how well you're doing." "I won't let you blow it." "If I catch you, you're fired." "Go on, get out of here." "I don't want you breathing this stuff." "So, okay." "You'll come with me on the Paris trip?" "Oh, man!" "Check it out." "Cup hat, cup banner cup chandelier, and the thing that started it all:" "The cup!" "Great job with the cups." "Why don't you just go out with her?" "Did you notice the ice?" "Look!" "We have it all." "We have crushed, cubed and dry." "Watch." "Mystical." "No one's eating my food." "They're eating her snow cones!" "There are snow cones?" " Go, go!" " Thank you." " You really did do a nice job." " Thank you for stating the obvious." "I deserve that." "I just want you to know that if we ever cohost a party together again you can do whatever you want." " Joey's got a birthday coming up." " Really?" "What do you wanna do?" " Okay, I'd like to be in charge of beer." "Well, then there's nothing left for me." " Look, look!" " Surprise!" "What?" "My birthday is not for another month." "That's the surprise." "Oh, my God, you guys!" "This is so great!" "It's so unexpected." "I mean, Chandler's birthday is even before mine." "Surprise!" "This is so great!" "Look at all these cups." "This is so weird." "I was in charge of cups." "Oh, okay." "Not so weird." " Chandler, what are you doing?" " Nothing." " What's in your hand?" " Money." "I'm stealing all the money." "Chandler." "But just one, okay?" "Because nobody knows when my birthday is." "Let me make this clear to you, okay?" "It's either that or this." "They were menthol." "Listen, man." "I'm sorry the audition didn't go well." "Yeah, right." "No, really." "I am, Joey." "I feel bad." "Look, Ross." "You don't have to, okay?" "It's not your fault I suck." "What kind of an actor can't even say, "Mmm... noodle soup"?" "You know what?" "Maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck." "Maybe you messed up because you care more about your godson." "What do you mean?" "I think, subconsciously..." "You lost me." "I think, on some level, you sabotaged your own audition so Ben would get the part." "Your way sounds a lot better than mine." "It's not that I'm a bad actor." "No, it's just that I care so damn much about little Ben that it was more important for me to see him succeed." " There you go." "Thank you." " Thank you." " So did he get it?" " No." "What are you gonna do?" "Is Rachel Green here?" "I'm meeting her for lunch." "She doesn't come down anymore." "You'll find her on 10." "Okay, great." "So we talked about the presentation." "He wondered if one person would be enough." "And I said, "Yeah, absolutely."" "I'll catch you guys later." "robinson_crusoe" "Wow!" "You look nice." "What's the occasion?" "Monica and I are celebrating our 10-month anniversary." "Got reservations at Jean-George." "How'd you get in?" "Made a few calls, pulled some strings and they'll seat us if we both have chicken and don't get dessert." " Hi, Chandler." " Hey, Caitlin." "Somebody got a haircut." "I hate it." "I look like an 8-year-old boy." "If that was true, gym class would've been more interesting." " It's $27 even." " Okay." "Here you go." "Where's the chicken?" "It's in the back." "The duck pissed him off." "He said that eggs came first." " Thanks." "I'll see you later." " Bye." "What the hell was that?" " What?" " The flirting." "Aren't you supposed to be going out with, let's see, my sister?" "I wasn't flirting." "It was totally flirting!" ""Somebody got a haircut..."" "First of all, the impression?" "Uncanny." "Second, that wasn't flirting." "That was just casual conversation." "Yeah, right." "You wanna see flirting?" "I'll show you." "I'm good." "The One Where Ross Can't Flirt" "I am so proud of Joey." " He's gonna be on Law and Order!" " I know." "Don't you think it should be called Order and Law?" "No, because they arrest the guy and then try him." "Don't get me started on that." " I was not flirting." " And on your anniversary." "For shame!" "What's going on?" "He was hitting on the hot delivery girl." "I was not." "And oh, God!" "You were." "If anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single the guy who can do something about it." "Sounds like someone wants to be Mr. Pizza Delivery Girl." "Is that what this is about?" "You like Caitlin?" "Ross, we broke up two years ago." "You've been married since then." "I think it's okay that we see other people." "I was watching her at the pizza place." "And she was just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little..." "We don't need her measurements." "Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni." "She's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?" "She forgot my vegetarian." "This is perfect." "She'll have to come back here with your pizza." "And when she does, I will turn on the charm "au" Ross." "I am so glad you don't eat meat." "See?" "Vegetarianism benefits everyone." "Hey, everybody, look who's here!" "You remember my grandmother." " Big night!" " Yeah, it's so cool." "Joey on Law and Order." "You must be proud." "She doesn't understand a word of English." "I thought you were Joey's other grandmother." "I've done it again." "Nonnie's my biggest fan." "She's the only one in the family who's always believed in me." "Sí." "Big star." "My big fat Joey star." "Yeah, I weighed, like, 27 pounds when I was born." " Happy anniversary!" " Happy anniversary, 10 months." "In the shower I was thinking about our first night in London." "Joey's grandmother's right there." " The one who speaks English?" " The one who doesn't." "That was some hot love you gave me." " I'll get ready." " Wear those earrings I got you." "That's a great idea." "I was saving them for something special." " You've got to go home." " But I like it here." "Get the earrings you borrowed." "He wants me to wear them." "I think they're in my purse." "Go get dressed and I'll look for them." "I need those earrings you borrowed." "Yeah, I'll be right back." "Pheebs, you speak Italian?" "I guess so." " Here you go." " Thanks." "Where's the other one?" "Oh, what, you want both of them?" "That's a little greedy, don't you think?" "Rachel Karen Greene, where's the other one?" "Look, just don't freak out, but I kind of lost it." "I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it." "What'll I tell Monica?" "She wants to wear them tonight." " Tell her to wear her own earrings." " These are her earrings." "You lent me her earrings?" "I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff!" " Why not?" " Because I lose her stuff!" "You see that blind guy?" "I'm gonna bash his head in later." "My big scene's coming up." "The big scene coming up." "If you said, "Big lima bean bubbling up," would she know the difference?" "What are you doing?" "Oh, I just can't watch." "It's too scary." "It's a diaper commercial." "Yeah, well, you know me." "Babies, responsibilities..." " Pizza delivery." " I'll get it!" "I will get that!" "How does my hair look?" "Ross, it hasn't moved since 1996." "One vegetarian pizza." "It's 12.50." "By the way, if it makes you feel any better I happen to like 8- year-old boys." "What?" "Your hair." "Before." "Your hair." "You said you thought your hair looked like an 8-year-old boy's and I'm just saying I like it." "The hair." "Thanks." "You understand, I don't actually like 8-year-old boys." "All I'm looking for is the money." "Here you go." "Stop bringing us pizzas, you." "I'm gonna try." "You're welcome." "You couldn't let me have her, could you?" "This is a girl I really like, and you had to swoop in there!" "What?" "Chandler was flirting with the hot delivery girl." "Thank you for that." "I was not flirting." "It's okay." "I don't care." "That's fine." "Really?" "It's no big deal." "I do it all the time." "You flirt with guys all the time?" "It doesn't mean anything." "Just like it doesn't mean anything with you." "There's a difference." "You're a lot hotter." "True story." "This actually bothers you?" "Yes, and I think it'd bother a lot of people." "When you and Ross dated did it bother you when he flirted with other women?" "No, it bothered me when he slept with other women." "And thank you for that." "I never had to worry." "He was never good at the flirting thing." "What are you talking about?" "It worked with you." "No, you're right." "We met, you flirted and then bam!" "Nine years later, you had me." "All right." "You know what I'll do?" "I'll order another pizza." "And when Caitlin gets here I will show you how well I flirt." "I will get her phone number." "And not the one on the menu." " I found it." " Thank God!" "Where was it?" "On your dresser." "Okay, that is the one we already have." "Here's my big scene." "My big scene's here." " Wanna bet nobody heard anything?" " No bet." "Anybody home?" " Oh, my God." " What?" "Everybody keep smiling." "It'll kill my grandmother if she finds out." "What is it?" "They cut me out of the show." "What?" " Are you sure?" " Maybe your scene's coming up." "Not likely." "Because you see that body bag right there?" "I'm in it." "This is terrible." "What'll you do?" "I don't know." "This little old lady lives for my career." "When they dumped me off Days of Our Lives, she almost died." "That's not good." " Yeah, we had to get her a home nurse." " Oh, my God." "Yeah, she almost died and got really expensive." "You're not smiling." "Not that face!" "Everybody smile!" "Just tell her what happened." "It's not your fault." "If we keep talking this way, won't we freak her out soon?" "Soon." "I'm gonna be on soon." "There I am!" "Sam Waterston!" "No, no." "That's me." "That's me!" "No." "Sam Waterston." "Crime Misdemeanor, Capricorn One." "She doesn't know "hello," but she knows Capricorn One." "I need those earrings." "We're leaving when the show's over." "But I already gave them back to you." "No, you didn't." "I already didn't gave them back to you." "That's what I said." "Where's that other earring?" "It's not here, Pheebs." "It's not here." "I went to Chandler's last night." "Make sure you check Chandler's jewelry box." "Chandler has a jewelry box?" "We have 10 minutes." "Do you want me to get into that now?" "Hey, Pheebs." "How's that vegetarian pizza working out for you?" "You and those vegetables have a real thing going on, huh?" "Why are you being weird?" "Do you like it?" "No." "That'd be, "Why are you being cute?"" "Okay." "I'm working on my flirting." "I did not get that." "So, Monica, do you like Law and Order?" "Yeah, it's good." "I found out all this stuff about you." "You like Law and Order and you've flirted with every guy in the tri-state area." "Okay, let me get this straight." "It's okay for you to flirt, but not for me?" "I'm glad we cleared that up." "I'm sorry, but some things are different for men and women." "Teach me about men and women." "I've already taught you so much already, but whatever." "When you flirt with a guy, you think, "No big deal."" "But he thinks, "Finally!" "Somebody who wants to sleep with me."" " No way!" " It's true." " Well, that's pathetic." " Again, true." " This goes for all guys?" " All guys that are awake." "We go to sleep." "All guys from the other end of the world wake up and act the same way." "It's another commercial and I still haven't told her." "Joey, this is the last commercial." " You got 10 minutes left." " I know!" "What am I gonna do?" "You will not run out and leave her here." "Yeah, all right." "Joey's gonna be right back." "Right back?" "Meanwhile, let's talk about you." "So you're old and small." " Did you find it?" " The earring, no." "But I found my sunglasses." "I've been looking for these since last summer." "Those are mine." "You borrowed them from me." "Okay." "Calm down." "Here they are." " What do we do?" " I don't know." "I don't know!" "We'll just have to tell Monica, that's all." "Oh, God!" "She's gonna kill me." "I could tell her it was all my fault." "Oh, that'd be great." "Mon, could I talk to you?" "Yeah." "What is it?" "I lost one of your earrings." "I'm sorry." "I am so, so sorry." "All right, what can you do?" "If you lost it, you lost it." "I'll replace it." "I promise." "I feel so terrible." "That's fine." "You didn't do it on purpose." "Look at you." "Come here." " You feel better?" " Yeah." "You're the best." "Okay, wait a minute." "I can't do this." "Listen, honey, it's not Phoebe's fault." "She lent me the earrings." "I lost it." "I'm so sorry, honey." "I feel terrible too." "That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!" "First, my jewelry." "If it's not that, it's my sweater." "And if it's not that, it's my sunglasses." "Your sunglasses?" "Oh, right." " Pizza." " Mine, mine, mine!" "Okay, here goes." "Prepare yourselves for some class-A flirting." "Okay, hold on." "If you really like this girl, I don't think flirting is the right way..." "You'll see." "What's her name?" "Caitlin!" "We can't keep eating like this." "It's $ 12.50." "Do you make the pizzas in one of those wood-burning ovens?" "No, actually, I think they're gas." "Gas?" "Intense." "If this is how all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem." "You know that smell gas has?" "They put that in." " What?" " The gas is odorless." "But they add the smell so you know when there's a leak." "Well, okay." "A lot of other gas smells." "Oh, the humanity!" "Methane smells..." "You know what?" "Actually, I really should go." " But I haven't paid you yet." " That's okay." "You guys have ordered so many that this one's on me." "Was I talking to her about gas?" "More so than anything else." "I found it interesting." "I'm sorry." "Don't worry about it." "In nine years, she and I will be right there!" "I'm gonna clear out some of these boxes." "What else do they add smell to?" "Caitlin!" "Caitlin!" "Hi, I'm Rachel." "The people with all the pizza." "Was there a problem?" "No, they're fine." "Great pizza." "But, actually, my friend Ross he gets nervous when he's flirting." "Oh, my God!" "That was flirting?" "I know, I know." "I'm telling you, once you get past that part where it feels like you wanna die he's a really good person." "The guy with the gas?" "I'm telling you, he's really sweet and really funny and he's just got a good heart." "You know, actually, I did think that he was cute and then he started talking." "See, there you go." " Besides, I think he really likes you." " Really?" "Well, we have seven people and 10 pizzas." "What do you think?" "I thought Joey was there." "Yeah, no, but just I'm telling you he's worth a shot." "Well, if he's so great why don't you go out with him?" "Well, you know, at some point you and I may need to have a longer conversation." "Hey, Ross?" "I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway." "You must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought." " What?" " I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her number." "And she just gave you this?" "Rach, thanks." "But I don't need you doing me any favors." "I didn't." "She thought you were cute." "Well, that I can believe." "Hey, is the show still on?" "Almost over, man." "Hey, Nonnie." "Is that the pope?" "Why am I looking?" "Oh, here I am!" "This is my big scene." "All right, back off!" "I got a gun!" "I'm not afraid to use it." "That's right, Nonnie." "You couldn't have at least changed your shirt?" "Now, I want a suitcase filled with $ 100,000..." "Filled with $ 100,000 in small bills." "And if I don't get..." "Shoo!" "And if I don't get it  I'll shoot this duck!" "Oh, no!" "I'm coming out!" "And she's supposed to buy this?" "Ground control to Major Tom" "Commencing countdown" "Engines" "On" "That's scenes from next week's show." "Next week." "I am definitely gonna watch that." "Do these look the same?" " Definitely." " Not as each other." "Then, no." " Hey, you ready?" " Yeah." "You look amazing." "I'm the luckiest man in the world." "You're about to get a little luckier." " Let me see the earrings." " Right, the earrings." "They look great." "Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?" "My boyfriend really does have great taste." "Thanks for picking out the earrings." "robinson_crusoe" "Okay, guys, listen." "Tomorrow, Emily gets married again." "So try to really keep Ross' mind off of it." "Good idea." "Hey, man." "What's up?" "Just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow." "Oh, Ross!" "Look, look!" "What?" "Where?" "Right over there!" "There!" "Look, look, look!" " What am I looking at?" " Somebody help me out here." "Hey!" "Monica, sorry I didn't come by." "I was out with Gary." "He let me ride around with him." "We saw and prevented crimes." "You got to go on a ride-along?" " I want to go on a ride-along!" " Me too!" " Okay." " Yeah!" "Me too!" "Really?" "You?" "Yeah." " Well, it's kind of dangerous." " Well, I like danger." " Okay, you guys free tonight?" " Yeah!" "You didn't say it was gonna be at nighttime." "The One With the Ride-Along" "I'm so glad you're home." "We can finally organize these photos." "Oh, thank God!" "Finally!" "I've broken them down into categories." "We got holidays, birthdays, candids..." "And I've cross-referenced them by subject." "So if you're looking up, say birthdays and dogs, you get photo 152." "See?" "Oh, it's me and LePoo." "Wow, I miss that dog." "You can also find him under "dog" and "dead."" "Great." "Thanks." "Hand me that other box of photos." "That's the last one." "Oops." "Sorry." "Good thing you numbered them." "I hadn't." "Photo 152 was a prototype." "Honey, it's okay." "It's okay." "How about I fix you a drink?" "Maybe a margarita?" "Ross has the blender." "Everything's just falling apart." "It's okay." "I'll go to Ross', get the blender." " You get the margarita stuff ready." " All right." "His keys are in the drawer." "Also, I need some cash." "Want me to stop at the ATM?" "No." "While you're at Ross', if you see any lying around." " What?" " What?" "I don't do that." "That was so cool, man." "The way you leaned on that guy." "It is starting to get dark out there." "He told you everything." "You cracked him." "He was the victim." "They're usually pretty talkative." "Okay, but it is officially nighttime." " Want me to grab the berry for you?" " It's called a cherry." "It's called..." "Chandler!" "Okay, I got it." "This place makes the best sandwich in the world." "Does it have meatballs?" "Oh, yeah." "Melted cheese and marinara sauce?" "Yep." "You can't eat that in my car." "Yeah, okay." "Even though my tax dollars paid for this car." "Your tax dollars?" "Yeah, okay." "Wow, that sandwich smells good." "Did I say you could smell it?" "I can't smell it?" "Half the taste is in the smell." "You're sucking up all the taste units." "Okay, I'll give them back." "What is so great about that sandwich?" "Imagine the best sex you ever had." " Are you thinking about Monica?" " Yeah." "What's that like?" "Please don't be from a real dinosaur." "Please, please." "Please, please." ""Made in Mexico." Yes!" "Who would buy this?" "Rach, it's me." "Pick up!" "What's up?" "I need a few more things for the margaritas." "I need some salt, some margarita mix and tequila." "So all we had was ice?" "See if he has ice." "Hello, Ross?" "It's Emily here." "I know this is out of the blue, but I'm getting married tomorrow." "Well, maybe I am..." "I keep thinking about you." "And I'm wondering if we made a mistake giving up so fast." "Are you thinking about me?" "No, of course you're not." "But if you are, call me tonight." "Okay, bye." "Where we going?" "This witness won't return my calls." "We'll surprise him coming home." "Surprise him?" "We're not gonna make anybody mad, are we?" "Come on, man." "You gonna squeeze the perp's shoes a bit before he lawyers up?" "He's a witness, not a perp." "And no one talks like that." "Yeah." "No one talks like that." " Oh, what, like you're Mr. Cop?" " I'm more cop than you two." "How do you figure that?" "I'm in the front seat, okay?" "I'm Gary's partner." "When you say "partner," it doesn't sound cop." "It sounds gay." "Jealous." " Hey, we're undercover here." " Oh, yeah." "No problem." " Ross!" " Sorry." "There." "Hey, Gary." "Who am I?" "Phone home." "Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors." "What's up with that, Serpico?" ""What's up with that, Serpico?"" "Are you thinking about me?" "No, of course you're not." "But if you are, call me tonight." "Okay, bye." "No." "I know!" "Thank God you were here." "We have to erase that." "What?" "We can't do that." "We have to." "What if Ross hears that and calls her back and they get back together?" "Is that what you want?" "Ross back with that controlling neurotic, crazy Emily?" "The Emily that wouldn't let him see you?" "No!" "Oh, no, no." "God, no!" "He should not get back with her." "I know that, you know that." "Even Ross knows that." "But we have no right to erase his message." "Look, I'm his sister and I love him." "I don't want to see him get hurt." "Doesn't that give me the right to control him...?" "Help him?" "He's not the one who needs help." "She's obviously unstable." "She's thinking about running out on her wedding day." "Okay, fine." "But look at the position she's putting him in." "And what's he gonna do?" "Run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?" "Who would do that?" "Okay, fine." "All right." "But that was different." "Although it did involve a lot of the same people." "This is some twisted joke she's playing on him." "You are crazy." "She sounded genuinely upset." "I mean, listen." "Your messages have been erased." "No!" "Well, that worked out well." "Margarita?" "Okay, but we're safe, right?" "Nothing bad's gonna go down." "No." "But that reminds me." "Sign this." "What is it?" "It just says you can't sue if you scrape your knee or get your head blown off." "Oh, hurry up." "I want to sign that." "Here he comes." "What is he doing?" "What the hell is he doing?" "What is it?" " Is everything okay?" " What?" "He sees us." "Don't move." "And don't look at him!" "Hey, it's okay." "It was just a car backfire." "Hey, look at that." "You tried to save your buddy." "You see that?" "You see what he did?" "You okay, man?" "Thanks, Joey." "Hello?" "Hi." "You all right?" "We should go." "No, wait." "Oh, yeah." "Right." "No." "Monica." "Monica, we have to fix this." "What can we do?" "You erased the message." "Yeah, but maybe I could call his machine and re-create the message." "All right, okay..." "Hello, Ross, this is Rachel..." "Emily." "God, what is it with those two names?" "I do so wanted to say that I'm going to be getting married to another British person." "And I'm having doubts and scones..." " I can't remember what she said." " Yeah, that's the problem with this plan." "Rachel, come on." "The message is erased, there's nothing we can do." "He's never gonna find out." "I could tell him about it." "If you want to be rational, I can't argue with you." "All right?" "Fine, tell him." "I just don't want to be a part of it." "Maybe that's Emily leaving the exact same message." "Hey, Ross, it's you." "I just want you to remember this feeling." "You are lucky to be alive." "So live every day to the fullest." "Love yourself, okay?" "And also get stamps." "Bye." "Play that message for Emily, and this problem goes away." "Right?" "Anybody want to meet a hero?" "John Glenn is here?" "No." "Joey." "Joey's never been in outer space." "We had the most incredible night." " We're in the car..." " Wait." "Hold on." " Hi." " Hi." "Okay, go ahead." "So we're in the car, and bang!" "A shot was fired." "And Joey, with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me." "My God!" "It was a car backfire." "But he didn't know that." "Yeah, I didn't know that." "It could just as easily have been a bullet." "Ever think about joining the force?" "We could use a guy like you." "Who jumps at loud noises." "Wow." "I could have died tonight." "Yeah, if the car that backfired had run over you!" "I'm gonna go home, before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life." "I do have a newfound respect for life." "Oh, my God!" "Ross, I could have told you you weren't gonna die today." "What?" "You know when I'm gonna die?" " You want to get some dinner?" " Sure." "You know what?" "If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you." "Maybe we should walk in a bad neighborhood." "Okay." "Bye." "Cut it out." "I'd hate to save your life and kick your ass on the same day." "Why'd you take off?" "Just going for a walk." "Around the living room, whatever." " Is something wrong?" " No." "No, I'm just tired." "You know, from the walk." "You dove in front of Ross!" "Ross!" "That's what this is about." "Oh, my God." "You hate Ross!" "I don't hate Ross." "Of course you do." "I saved him." "You're mad at me." "It adds up." "You want Ross out of the picture." "What picture?" "I don't know." "But I don't like what I'm hearing." "I'm glad you saved Ross in the car backfire." "But it could've been a bullet." "And you didn't try to save me." "You're upset because you think I chose Ross over you." "No, I knew you could take care of yourself." "You know?" "I mean, Ross needs help." "He's not "street" like us." "You'd risk your life for Ross before you would for me." "That's the bottom line." "No, not exactly." "All right, look." "I wasn't trying to save Ross." "Okay?" "My sandwich was next to Ross." "All right?" "I was trying to save my sandwich." "From a bullet?" " I know it doesn't make much sense." " "Much" sense?" "Look, it was instinct!" "I just went for it." "You risked your life for a sandwich?" "I know it sounds crazy but this is the greatest sandwich in the world!" "So you didn't choose Ross before me?" "No." "I would never do that." "You're like my brother." " Really?" " Yeah." "In fact, to prove how much you mean to me..." "Here." " Thanks." " Easy, it's not a hot dog!" "How good is that?" "See?" "What are you doing?" "You're showing me how much I mean to you." "With a bite." "Jeez!" "What are you doing here?" "Hey, you know what?" "You are in our apartment all the time!" "This is just a drop in the bucket, mister!" "It doesn't matter." "The important thing is that you're here." "You're my friend and you're here." "Okay, just a little scared." "What's going on?" "The most amazing thing happened tonight." "I thought my number was up." "I had an actual near-death experience." "What happened?" "We were on the ride-along with Gary and somebody took a shot at me!" "Really?" "No." "A car backfired." "But I thought somebody was taking a shot at me." "And, Rach I survived!" "And I was filled with this great respect for life." "I want to experience every moment." "I want to seize every opportunity." "I am seeing everything so clearly now." "Because a car backfired?" "Okay." "Why are you here?" "I don't know how this fits into your whole "seizing" thing but Emily called you today." " You talked to her?" " She left a message." "But it kind of got erased." "I mean, there's something wrong with your machine." "What did she say?" "Something about having second thoughts about the wedding and did you guys make a mistake breaking up?" "And she wants you to call her." "Wow." "That was a good thing that I told you, right?" "Yeah." "Yes." "Of course." "Okay, thank you." "Thank you." "Because..." "I'm gonna go tell Monica I was right." "Because she didn't want..." "Not important." "Point is, I was right." "Your decision." "Okay?" "I was right." "Your decision." "Right." "I guess I should call Emily." "No, that's not the right decision." "That's not right." "Ross, come on!" "I mean that woman made you miserable!" "Do you really want to get back into that?" "Okay, look." "Yesterday I wouldn't have even considered calling her back." "But my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near-death experience?" "That's gotta mean something." "That was not a near-death experience." "That was barely an experience." "You weren't there!" "Maybe this is something that I'm supposed to seize, you know?" "Okay." "You know what?" "Maybe this is not about seizing stuff." "Maybe this is about escaping stuff." "Okay?" "Look at today." "I mean, you escaped death." "And maybe this is a chance for you to escape getting back together with Emily." "That does make sense." "Because I do want to seize some opportunity but I really don't want to see or talk to her." "Well, there you go!" "Yeah, maybe today's just "close call" day." "Hey, thanks, Rach." "Oh, honey." "No problem." "Wait, wait." "The message is blinking." "Maybe you didn't erase it." "Hey, Ross, it's you..." "That's an old message." "Nobody needs to hear that." " Hey, was Monica here?" " Yeah." "I want my money back." "You probably need that for stamps, right?" "Has Gary ever been shot at for real?" "Yes, once." "A little." "He kind of did it to himself." "It's not really a good story." "I wonder how I'd react under fire." "And not backfire but heavy fire." "Like, if I was in a war." "Man, I would be great in a war!" "I think I'd make a fantastic military leader." "I mean, I know I'd make general before any of you guys." "Before or after you were shot by your own troops?" "I know Joey would be in the foxhole protecting all of us." "If the foxhole was lined with sandwiches." "Yeah, hero sandwiches." "You all know I'm a pacifist, so I'm not interested in war in any way." "But when the revolution comes, I'll have to destroy you all." "Not you, Joey." "robinson_crusoe"