"~~ [ "Bad To The Bone" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers ]" "~~" "~ Now on the day I was born ~" "~ The nurses all gathered round ~" "~ And they gazed ln wide wonder ~" "~ At the joy they had found ~" "~ The head nurse spoke up ~" "~ Sald leave this one alone ~" "~ She could tell right away ~" "~ That I was bad to the bone ~" "~ Bad to the bone ~" "~~" "[ Gunshots ]" "~~" "[ Heavy artillery Blasts ]" "~~" "[ Blasts Contlnue ]" "~~" "~ Bad to the bone ~" "~ Bad to the bone ~" "~ Bad ~" " Let's move out !" " Get ln front of that wall !" " ~ B-B-B-B-Bad ~" " Follow me !" "~ B-B-B-B-Bad ~" "~ Bad to the bone ~" "~ When I walk the streets ~" "~ Klngs and queens step aside ~" " ~ Every woman I meet ~ - [ Snlper Groans ]" "~ They all stay satisfied ~" "~ I wanna tell you about It baby ~" "~ What I see I make my own ~" "~ And I'm here to tell you, honey ~" " ~ That I'm bad to the bone ~" " My arm !" " ~ Bad to the bone ~" " I've been shot !" " ~ Bad to the bone ~ - [ Moanlng ]" "Let me take a look at that." " Want me to show you a little trick ?" " [ Moanlng ]" "Take your mind off that arm ?" "Glve me your hand." "Now, you may feel a little... pressure." " [ Grunts ] - [ Screamlng ]" "Agh !" "My finger !" "My finger !" " [ Groanlng ]" " Work every time." "~ And I'm bad to the bone ~" "~ Bad to the bone ~" "~ B-B-B-B-B-Bad ~" "~ B-B-B-B-Bad B-B-B-B-Bad ~" "~ Bad to the bone ~" "[ Speaklng Spanlsh ]" "~~" "[ Weapons Cocklng ]" "You had better give up, senor." "You cannot kill us all." "Nope, but I can clean your colon out quicker than... one of them burritos with extra guacamole sauce." "[ guerrillas Groanlng ]" "~ And I'm bad to the bone ~" "~ B-B-B-B-Bad ~" "~ B-B-B-B-Bad ~" "~~ [ Flnlshes ]" "At ease, Payne." "Relax." "Do you know why you're here ?" "Slr, no, slr !" "The promotion board report came out last week." "Thls ls the new lieutenant colonel list." "Your name ls not on lt." "You get two chances to advance, then we gotta show you the hatch." "Base admin ls cutting your discharge orders right now." "General, are you tryin' to tell me ln all this man's military... there ls no room left for a trained weapon of destruction ?" "The fighting ls no longer done on the battlefields, Payne." "Now all the blood ls shed ln the halls of Congress." "Boys like us are becoming dinosaurs." "There gotta be somebody need some killin'." "I'm sorry, Major, there's no one left." "You've killed 'em all." "Good luck." "[ Thlnklng ] It's been two whole weeks since I killed me a man, and already I'm startln' to get the itch." "Problem ls I ain't got nothin' to scratch." "God, I'm hungry." "Hungry for action." " [ Squeaks ]" " Hungry for blood." "Hell." "I'm just plain ol' hungry." " [ Cat Meows ] - [ Screeches, Hlsses ]" " [ Cat Shrleks ]" " Feel I'm gettin' weaker... while Charlle's growln' stronger ln the jungle." "I can't lose my edge." "I gotta keep my strength up." "I gotta maintain discipline." "Because the hard reality was..." "I gotta get a job." " And what better place..." " [ Slren wailing ] than somewhere that would allow me to employ... my skills as a trained killer." "Mlster..." "Payne ?" "Thls ls a dramatization of a domestic violence dispute." "You arrive on the scene to find a woman, played by Ms. Goodwln," " Hello, ma'am." " claiming to have been assaulted... by her husband, played by Mr. Shlpman." " Happy to meet you." " Same here." "Your objective ls to effectively neutralize the situation." "Neutrallze." "Begln." "[ Bawllng ] He hit me !" " You like to beat women ?" " Offlcer, l" "Don't never... hit..." "her... again." " Hear me ?" "Hear me ?" "Huh ?" " I-l can't" " Walt !" "Agh !" "Ooh !" "[ Thuds ]" "[ Loud Buzzer ]" "Payne, what happened ?" "You've only been out one week." "It's civilian life, slr." "I had a minor setback." "Llsten, I made some calls, and I got an assignment for you." "It's not great, you understand, but It gets you back ln the military." "[ Payne ] So after two and a half weeks... of livin' a civilian puke's existence," "I was back ln uniform, back ln the Corps." "Back to the sweet smell of mustard gas... and killin'." "Llttle did I know what awaited for me." "I've toured 11 separate engagements... from Iraq to Haltl, but nothin' I did would prepare me for this newest assignment." "I was told It would be my greatest challenge." "It was sure to be a living hell." "[ Man On P.A. ] The Glee Club..." " will be meeting at 3:30." " [ Bell Ringing ]" "[ Students Chatterlng ]" "[ Man On P.A. ] will the teachers please report to the quad... for the science fair judging." "[ Woman ] Tlger ?" "Tlger, come back here." " I'm not gonna chase you." " [ Pantlng ]" "[ Grunts ]" "[ Snarls Softly ]" "What you runnin' from, boy ?" "She's tryin' to give me a shot !" "You don't like needles ?" "You want me to show you a little trick take your mind off that pain ?" "Here, gimme your hand." "Now, you may feel a little bit of pressure." "Hl, I'm Emlly Walburn, the school counselor." "You must be Major Payne." "That's a mighty fine handshake you got there." " [ Chuckles ]" " You wanna wrestle ?" "Uh, no thanks." "[ Chuckles Uneaslly ]" "I wrestle with these kids all day." "Thls one's usually my big helper." "Come on, Tlger." "Nlce meeting you, Major." "Nlce meetln' you, Mlss Ma'am." "Tlger !" "Tlger, come back here !" "I'm not gonna chase you." "Mmm." " [ Knock At Door ]" " Come ln." "[ Insect Buzzlng ]" "Major Payne reportln' for duty, slr !" "[ Buzzlng ]" "What ?" "Major Payne." "The new commandant ?" "Oh." "Rlght." "You're ln charge of the green boys." "Come again ?" "The green boys." "They wear those green things." "You know, It's funny, when they stand ln front of bushes, I can't see them." "[ Buzzlng Stops Abruptly ]" "Why are you here ?" "The R.O.T.C. program." "I understand you've been placln' last, eight years runnln' ln the Vlrglnla military Games." " I am here to remedy that." " [ Insect Flutterlng ]" "We have an R.O.T.C. program ?" " The green boys, slr." " Oh, right." "Between us, I don't care what you do with those boys, as long as you keep them out of my hair." "Is that all ?" " [ Insects Flutterlng ]" " Oh !" "Would you like a tour of the campus ?" "No." "I'd like to see my men." "Fall ln !" "Move lt, you idiots !" "Let's go !" "Come on, williams !" "Let's move lt." "Get a hop on lt, boy !" "Mo-o-o-o-ve !" "Fall ln, everyone !" "Fall ln !" "Let's go !" "Come on, people !" "Mo-o-o-ve !" "Hustle, hustle, hustle !" "Let's go." "Glddyap !" "Glddyap, let's go !" "Slr, the squad ls formed, slr !" "Carry on." "[ Shoutlng ] My name ls Major Benson Wlnlfred Payne !" "As of 0800..." "I am replacln' Major Frankfurt... as your commanding officer !" "[ All Boolng ]" "[ Gunshots ]" "See now, what we have here..." "Is a failure to communicate." "Do... not... attempt... to challenge... my... authority !" "I have eight weeks to turn you gaggle of maggots..." "Into a well-dlsclpllned cadet unit." "From this day forward, your sorry asses belong to me." "You will not eat, sleep, drink, blow your nose, or even dig ln your butts without my say-so !" "Know this:" "KIIlln' ls my business, ladles, and business ls good !" " Yoo-hoo !" " What ?" "I have to go to the bathroom." " You hold lt, turd." " I can't !" "I said hold lt, or I'll break that off... and kick It around on the ground." "Now, be advised, ladles," " we are going to win the Vlrglnla military Games !" " [ Moanlng ]" " I said win:" "Whlskey, Indian, November." " [ Gruntlng ]" "Get used to the sound of that word !" " Major Payne !" " What, boy ?" "What, what, what ?" "I did somethin' bad." " You nasty little worm !" " [ Crylng ]" "Go change your Huggles, boy, and be back here pronto !" "Stop that cryin' !" "You'll get no pity from me !" "You think your tears'll stop Charlle from takin' hls bayonet..." " and stickin' It ln your little tiny heart ?" " [ Sobblng ]" " [ Sneezes ]" " What the hell was that, you little freckle-faced cartoon ?" "Dld I give you permission to sneeze, Ople ?" " No, slr." " Then you hold It ln, you blg-eared turd," " otherwise I'll kick your ass back to Mayberry !" " [ Sneezes ]" "I see we have a sickly boy on our hands." "We're gonna have to boost your immune system, son !" "Drop down, give me 25 pushups now !" " Count 'em out !" " One, slr." " [ Snlckerlng ]" " Two, slr." "[ Snorts ]" "[ Imltatlng Porky Plg ] What are you laughin' at, plg-boy ?" "You find a piece of candy ln your pocket ?" " No, slr !" " What's your name, tubby ?" " H-Heathcoat, slr !" " Heathcoat." "You know, you remind me of the doughboy." "If I poke your stomach will It make you go-- [ Glggles ]" "You know what ?" "I'm gonna help you make room for lunch, bacon-boy." "Drop down, give me 30 situps right now !" "Let's go !" "Count 'em out !" "Let me see that belly roll !" " One, tubby, tubby !" " [ Gruntlng ]" " One, slr." " Come on, pork chop !" " Two, chubby, chubby !" " Two, slr." "Whoo !" "You's a pure genius !" "Who you ?" "Redd Foxx ?" "No, better yet." "You Rlchard Pryor, aln't you ?" "Whoo !" "What's your name, girlfriend ?" "Dwlght williams, but the boys call me "D," slr." " [ Chuckllng ] You can call me D." " D, hmm ?" "Yeah, brother." " You like the way I handle these white boys, D ?" " Oh, yeah !" "It make you feel good to see a black man runnin' things, huh ?" " Malcolm X." " Well, let me tell you somethin', D." " Yeah, brother ?" " Why don't you come closer." "[ Shoutlng ] I... am not... your damn brother !" "Now drop down, give me 20 squat thrusts now !" "[ williams ] One, slr." "What are you lookin' at, ass-eyes ?" " Nothlng, slr !" " You plottln' on me, boy ?" " No, slr !" " Well, let me tell you somethin', ass-eyes." "Let me tell you all somethin':" "War has made me very paranoid !" "And when a man gets to eyebaIlln' me," "It make my Agent Orange act up, and I get the urge to kill !" " Do you understand me ?" " [ Shoutlng ] Slr, yes, slr !" " Do you all understand me ?" " [ All Shoutlng ] Slr, yes, slr !" " I can't hear you." " [ All Shoutlng ] Slr, yes, slr !" "And what ls your damage, muscle-head ?" "You stupid ?" "You ignorant, or you just plain ol' deaf ?" "Yes, slr." "Actually, he ls deaf." "Oh." "Thank you." "Now drop down, give me 25 more... for speakin' out of line !" " One, slr." " I'm sorry, Mr. Handlcapped Man." "I didn't mean to offend you." "Do you speak sign language ?" "Can you read lips ?" "Let me break It down." "If you don't answer me when I speak to you," "I'm goin' put my foot ln your ass !" "is that clear, dummy ?" "Slr, yes, slr." "Hold on, guys." "Walt" " Oof !" "Walt !" "Hey, guys !" "Don't start without me !" "Come on !" "Walt !" "Hold on." "Comln'." "Hello, gorgeous." "Welcome to my party." "You know, you're out of uniform there, Mr. FonzareIll." "Yeah, well, uh, l-l like this look better, General" " Admlral-- whatever." " It's Major, boy." "Oooh." "Looks like... we got another major on our hands here, guys." " Oooh !" " Ha-ha !" " Major, ooh, a major !" "What's your name, glrlle-mouth ?" "[ Mocklng ] Uh, Cadet Alex Stone, slr !" "Yes, slr !" "Helgh-ho, slr !" "Well, I'm glad to see you got a sense of humor." "So do I." "Heh-heh-heh." "From now on, my little group of scrotum sacs, you will strive to be like me." "You will walk like me, talk like me, and until you win those games, you will be bald like me !" "[ williams Whlsperlng ] Way to go this time, Alex." "Dotson, take these men for two hours of P.T. !" "[ Shoutlng Hoarsely ] Yes, slr !" "Flrst exercise will be the side straddle hop !" " [ Moanlng ln Unlson ] Slde straddle hop." " Squad." "Ready." "One, two, three." "Come on, bacon-boy !" "Come on !" " [ Dotson ] Ready, squad !" " [ Alex ] Dotson, sit down and shut up." "[ Dotson ] I'm writin' you up, buddy !" "That's lt." "No more of this !" "[ Dotson ] I'm writin' you up, buddy !" "That's lt." "No more of this !" " [ Alex ] You're scaring me !" " [ Footsteps ]" "Hello, Mlss Walburn." "Major Payne, could you please help me to understand... why you shaved the children bald ?" "Oh, that's my little incentive program." "These boys have to earn their due." "Thelr halrdo, that ls." "Heh-heh-heh." "Do they have to earn their bathroom privileges too ?" "What do you want, Mlster Pee-body ?" "Oh, he's upset about this morning." "Apparently he had a little accident." "Apparently he pissed all over the front of his pants." "Well, maybe that's because he's six." "'Cause he's six ?" "Woman, when I was six years old I had a full-tlme job." "Well, I told him that you have something that you'd like to say to him." "[ Mouthlng Words ]" "You think I owe you an apology ?" "Want me to take back some of those mean and hurtful little things I said ?" "Okay." "I'm sorry you're just a little turd... that can't hold your liquid out ln public." "Now you get on outta my face 'fore I pick you up and toss you out that window !" "[ Gasps ]" " Major, have you ever done this kind of work before ?" " [ Door Slams ]" "Woman, under this here hat..." "I've trained 20,432... combat kIIlln' machines." "Well, that's just my point." "You see, now you're dealing with children, and children have special needs." "Do you know what positive reinforcement means ?" "Is that anything like where you take a P.O.W. and you snap his neck... after you torture him, so he don't have to go through life with a colostomy bag?" "Sort of." "I'd like to make a suggestion." "Why don't you and I become partners..." "In the emotional growth and development of these little ones ?" "What do you say ?" "WIll you be my big helper and help me do that ?" " [ Weakly ] Yes." " Good !" "Why do I feel like a jackass ?" "[ Students Laughlng ]" "[ Boy ] Ha !" "Look at that baldy !" "[ Boy ] Hey !" "Your head's shaped like a bowling ball !" "[ Students Laugh ]" "Nazl, fascist pig !" "I know where I'm gonna shave him !" "Damn Major Payne !" "I didn't want you to be brother !" "Most of the body heat travels through the head, and lf I'm sick, I'm gonna start throwing up." "[ williams ] That damn Payne's already starting to get on my nerves." "Turd this, turd that." "Who he think he ls ?" "Just shut up." "You tellin' me to shut up ?" "Why don't you shut your damn mouth... and stop eatin' all that damn candy, you fat pig ?" "[ Slghs ] I look like Curly from "The Three Stooges."" "Dld I say you could touch my bed ?" " No." " Get off." "Ow !" "Payne's gonna kill us." "You know I have a heart condition." "I'm not sure he's familiar with my medical history." "Let's go, let's go, let's go !" "Come on !" "Move It !" "Saddle up that horsey and ride !" "You ever hear of knocking, Dotson ?" "You won't have to worry about that anymore." "I have good news for you, assholes." "Pack your bedding, your kit and your clothes !" "Let's go !" "Where to ?" "Hello, cue balls !" "Welcome to the house of Payne." "He's gotta be joking." "The squad that lives together, wins together." "Unlty, turds." "That ls the key word ln "unit," without the y." "Tlger, Leland, you will reside at the R.O.T.C. bulldln'." "The rest of you garbage, grab a rack and settle ln." "grab a rack and settle ln." "Let's move out." "You eyeball me again, I'll snatch It out and put It ln Heathcoat's cookie bag." "It's so damp." "What about my allergies ?" "You know how far we are from the kitchen ?" " [ Tlger ] Why can't I stay here ?" " [ Payne ] 'Cause I said so." "Major Payne, slr." "What ?" "Slr, I thlnk I speak for everyone when I say that this place ls... unacceptable, slr." " [ Others Agreelng ]" " Really ?" "[ Payne ] ~ Love my barracks night and day ~" "~ Love my barracks night and day ~" "~ Won't complain That's where I'll stay ~" " Good plan this time, Alex." " Why don't you shut up ?" "All right, my little patch of Brussels sprouts, uproot yourselves, climb out the pool and get some rest." "You're gonna need lt." "Tomorrow, ladles, we gonna start the hard stuff." " The hard stuff ?" " [ Thunderclap ]" "Let's move lt, you turds !" "You'll get no sympathy from me !" "You want sympathy, look ln the dictionary between shit and syphilis !" "That's where you'll find my sympathy !" "Thls aln't no walk ln the park !" "Move It !" "Hustle, hustle !" "Hey, Dumbo !" "You should be able to fly through those tubes..." " with them blg-ass ears, boy !" " Yeah, Dumbo !" "Fly, baby, fly !" "Hey, williams !" "You tell Marlee Matlin's son..." "If he don't get across that rope, I'm gonna hang him with It !" "He'll hang you with It !" "Ha-ha-ha !" "Heathcoat !" "You get your fat body over that wall !" " Take your fat, pork chop body over that" " You" " You shut up." "Nobody's leavin' here until the average for this squad..." "Is one minute, twenty seconds !" "Come on, he can't do It !" "Leave him alone." "I can barely do lt." "It's slippery out here." "Sllppery, he say !" "You think Charlle care anything about slippery ?" "Only thing he knows ls slit your throat." "What if this was a life or death situation ?" "But It's not a life or death situation." " It ls now." " [ All Screamlng ]" "One Mlsslsslppl." "Two Mlsslsslppl." "Come on, guys !" "What, are you crazy ?" "It's just a dummy grenade." "Come on, guys !" "What, are you crazy ?" "It's just a dummy grenade." " [ Exploslon ]" " Damn !" "Oh !" "[ Exhales ]" "Who's the dummy now ?" "[ Alex ] So what ls lt, exactly ?" "Concentrated dlthlazanlne." " What the hell ls that ?" " It's like a super-laxatlve." "Thls here'll pack enough punch to take out an entire football team." "Payne'll never get off the can." "He'll be makin' beef stool 'tll graduation." " Yeah." " All right." "Payne'll never know what hit him." "[ Shouts ] kill !" "Major Payne, slr ?" "Can't you see I'm eatin', turd ?" "There's a call for you, slr." "He's coming !" "He's coming !" "Mmm." "Mmm." "[ Smacklng ]" "[ Loud Gurgle ]" "[ Gurgllng ]" "Hmm." "[ Loud Fart ]" " [ Payne ln Dlstance ] Ready !" " [ Alex ] Damn !" "He nearly put you ln a coma." " Ready on the firing range !" " It can't be legal the way he's been treating us." " Turds, commence firing !" " Let's just tell phillips." " [ Gunshots ln Dlstance ]" " Nah, that senile old fool aln't gonna help us." "[ Payne ] What kind of shootin' ls that ?" "Hey !" "Hey, dummy !" "What's the matter, you can't see, either ?" "We gotta get rid of that son of a bitch." "[ Payne ] You maggots couldn't hit a bull ln the ass !" "We're gonna have to prove..." " [ Rantlng, Gunshots Contlnue ]" " Payne did something so vile, so perverse, so disgusting... that phillips will have no choice but to fire him." "Llke what ?" "Why me ?" " 'Cause you have got the biggest tits." " [ All Laugh ]" " Shh." "Shh." " Ahem." "Well, why not Wullgar ?" "'Cause Wullgar's gotta take the pictures." "[ Snorlng ]" "[ Contlnues ]" "[ Alex Whlsperlng ] Look, It's been four hours." "He hasn't blinked." "These Speclal Forces guys can sleep with their eyes open." "Trust me." "What happened to the other dress ?" " Thls one's prettier." " [ Smothered Glggles ]" " Shut up, Brlan !" " Shh !" "Come on." "williams, go." "[ Door Creaks ]" "[ williams ] Man, you sure about this ?" "He looks awake to me." "No, I checked on that." " [ Snorlng ] - [ Alex Whlspers ] Watch this." "[ Louder ] Yo, turd-snlffer." "Maggot-face !" "See ?" "He's dead to the world." "Let's go." " Get ln." " Can't I just stand beside the bed ?" "Get ln." " Get ln !" " [ Snorlng ]" "Now put your head on his shoulder." " Are you crazy ?" " Do It !" " Closer." " [ Snorlng Contlnues ]" "Closer." "Now, now, now put your arm around him." "Good." "Now hold lt." "Hold lt." "Okay." " Hello, Betty." " Aghhh !" "[ All Screamlng ]" "[ Payne ] ~ Got no worry, got no stress ~" "[ Cadets ] ~ Got no worry, got no stress ~" "~ 'Cause we feel good ln our dress ~" "~ 'Cause we feel good ln our dress ~" "~ Major Payne's a major dis ~" "~ Major Payne's a major dis ~" "~ Makes us squat when we piss ~" "~ He makes us squat when we piss ~" "~ Got no worries Got no care ~" " ~ Got no worries, got no care ~ - [ Laughlng ]" "~ I'm a baldheaded son of a bitch without hair ~" "~ I'm a baldheaded son of a bitch without hair ~" "~ Used to be Samson Now I'm Ann ~" "~ Used to be Samson Now I'm Ann ~" "~ Gotta earn my right to be called a man ~" "I'll tell you, ladles, you're the purtiest unit ever underneath my command !" "Maybe I'll have to change my name..." " to Plmp Daddy Payne !" " [ Students Laughlng ]" " Heh-heh-heh." " Major !" "[ Glrls Laughlng, Teaslng ]" "What are the boys doing ln those dresses ?" "They puttln' on a fashion show." "[ Teaslng Contlnues ]" "I thought we had a little talk about this kind of negative reinforcement." "Weren't you gonna be my big helper ?" "Yeah, but they started lt." " Well, I'm stopping lt." " Don't touch my whistle." " I was just gonna" " Don't touch the whistle." "All right, ladles !" "Take off those dresses." "Head to your barracks." "Fold 'em up neatly." "Let's move lt." " [ Boy ] You should shave your legs more." " [ Cadet ] Shut up !" "Good day, Mlss Walburn." "Do you really think that this approach..." "Is the best way to gain the trust of these boys ?" "They may not like me, but they will respect me." "Let me be more direct." " They hate you." " Good." "It'll draw them close together, make 'em a team." " That's a very cynical plan." " Yeah, but It won't backfire." "Here." "I would llke you to consider an alternative approach." "I want you to have this book." "Read lt." "Apply lt." ""The ABC's of the Lovlng Male Role Model."" " I don't need your book." " Take lt." " I don't want lt." " Take lt." " [ Louder ] I don't want lt." " Please, Major ?" "Okay." "[ Groans ]" "[ Students Laughlng ]" "[ Wullgar ] Shut up." "All right." "I got a surefire plan to get rid of that son of a bitch." " What ls It ?" " What ?" "What ?" " It's gonna cost us." "How much you got ?" " Twenty." " I got 25." " Put me down for 40." " All right, Dotson !" " Yeah !" " Yeah !" "All right, we're takin' out Payne tomorrow !" " Yeah !" " Yeah !" " Yeah !" ""Love ls the key... to understandin'."" ""The Three Bees." "Bee a good listener." "Bee sensitive to their needs."" "Well, hello, Mlss Walburn." "I just came by to let you know that Wullgar has a slight temperature, so you might not want to torture him this evening." "I will be... sensitive... to his needs." "Have you been reading the book ?" "I might have glanced at It once or twice." "Oh, well, that's very good !" "I'm very proud of you, Major." " Oh, shucks." "It ain't hard bein' sensitive." " [ Gasps ]" " He's back !" "He's back !" " Who's back ?" "The man who lives ln my closet." "Aw, boy, get on outta here with that "l'm scared of the dark" crap." "Go on, now." "Glt !" "Sensltlve." "[ Mutterlng Softly ] Sensltlve, sensitive." "Hello, there, fella." "You know what you're havin' ?" "It's called a nightmare." "You know what a nightmare ls ?" "Well, that's all this ls." "Why don't you run on back to your room... before that man jump out the closet and chop your little head off." "[ Gasps, Crles ]" "Sensltlve." "You call that being sensitive ?" "Let me give you a little history on Kevln Dunne." " Both of his parents are dead." " Car accident, 1989." "Llved ln the Chelsea orphanage 'tll 1991 when the school adopted him." "I know all about lt." "Well, then you should also know that the last thing he needs right now..." "Is a sadistic father figure scaring the life out of him." "Maybe what he need..." "Is for you to pop your titty out his mouth... and let the boy grow up." "Excuse me ?" "What did you say ?" "I didn't stutter." "I said:" "[ Enunclatlng Preclsely ] "Pop your titty out his mouth... and stop babyln' him !"" "I don't call It babylng." "I call It nurturing." "And I call It neuterlng !" "And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, dictatorial, egomaniacal, frigid, lunatic asshole !" "I ain't frigid." "[ Gasps ] He's still there !" "You wanna see nurturln' ?" "He's ln there ?" "[ Gasps ]" " If he's still ln there, he ain't happy." " What was that ?" "Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice !" "[ Tlger ] And lf he's still ln there, he ain't happy !" "You run on back to bed." "That bad man ain't gonna bother you no more." "Thank you, Major." "I love you." "What's your angle, boy ?" "You plottln' on me ?" " No, slr !" " Don't you know I could snap your neck ln 20 different places ?" "Major, Major !" "It's okay !" "He's just trying to show you some affection !" "I don't like lt." "Make me feel all funny." "[ Both Gasp ]" " Uh, good night, Mlss Walburn." " Good night, Major." "[ Students Chatterlng, indistinct ]" " Where ls he ?" " He better get here." " [ Horn Honks ] - [ Cadets ] Alex !" "Alex !" "[ Honks ]" " Alex, did you do It ?" " How much did It cost ?" " Where were you ?" " Shh." "I did lt." "I did lt." "[ Imltatlng Payne ] Squad !" "Atten-hut !" "Let's go, maggots." "Follow my lead !" "~ Payne's not here He's ln our ass ~" "~ Payne's not here He's ln our ass ~" "~ Butt's so tight he can't pass gas ~" "~ Butt's so tight he can't pass gas ~" " ~ Sound off ~ - ~ One, two ~" " ~ Sound off ~ - ~ Three, four ~" "~ Break It on down Break It on down ~" "~ Break It on down ~" "[ Chuckllng ]" "~ Break It down ~~" "You like to rhyme, boy ?" "What's your name ?" "Bushwlck bill ?" "No, let me guess." "You Snoop Dlggety Dogg." "Turds !" "Front leanln' rest position." "Move !" "I'm 'a teach you how I rhyme military style !" "One !" "Don't you feel dumb ?" "Two !" "Look at you." "Three." "Don't you ever make no jokes about me behind my back, otherwise I stomp you ln the ground !" "[ Motorcycle Approachlng ]" "[ Englne Stops ]" "All right, ladles." "Hey, Dunne." "You missed all the fun." "Heh-heh." "That's another rhyme." " All right, we're headln' out to the field..." " There he ls." "for two hours of weapons drill." "Yo, Payne !" "You Payne ?" "I got somethln' to say to you." "Fee-fl-fo-fum." "What beanstalk you fall from ?" "You know, I heard you've been givin' these boys a hard time." "In fact, I heard you couldn't cut lt..." "In the real man's military !" " I heard that It's time for you to leave." " [ Cadets Agreelng ]" "Know what I heard ?" "I heard your mother was so fat she played pool with the planets." "[ Blker Grunts ]" " Yes !" " [ All Mutterlng Approval ]" "You thlnkln' about leaving yet ?" "[ Pantlng ] Actually, I thlnk the party just begun." "Heh-heh-heh." "Now, what I'm goin' do ls take this right foot... and I'm 'a put It 'cross the left side your face." " Don't give me that billy Jack bullshit !" " Whoo !" "[ Dotson ] Agh." "[ Choklng ] Y-You said you were gonna" "[ Coughs ] hlt me ln the face." "What, you callin' me a liar ?" "[ Grunts ]" "Ooh !" "Oh, children." "Somebody's gonna answer for this blood from my lip." "I want names." "I wanna know who's responsible." "Don't all run at once." "I guess nobody's responsible." "[ Chuckles ] Guess I just had that one a-comln'." "Well, you know what y'all got comin' ?" "Seven 23-hour days... full of fun and adventure." "I'm gonna make you boys strong !" "Slr." "Yes, turd ?" "It was me, slr." "I hired him." "Well, that's one death warrant signed." "Do I have any more volunteers ?" "What about you, brown-nose ?" "I acted alone, slr." "The rest of the squad was unaware of my activities." "That's a pretty bold move there, Mr. Stone." "What do you think I oughta do with you ?" "I don't know, slr." "You don't know." "I guess you should probably expel me, slr." "What, and send you on a vacation ?" "Dotson !" " Slr, yes, slr !" " You are no longer the squad leader." "Stone." "You are now cadet sergeant." "If these men win the Vlrglnla military Games," "It'll be because you have led them to a victory." "If they lose," "It'll be because you failed them." " I don't accept that responsibility." " It's not negotiable." "If I'm the new squad leader, my first order ls to screw you, slr !" "What'd you say to me, turd ?" "Why don't you go back to hell where you came from ?" "Boy, I am two seconds from bein' on you..." "Ilke white on rice and a glass of milk on a paper plate ln a snowstorm !" "I will put my foot so far up your ass, the water on my knee will quench your thirst." "Try lt." " You want me gone, boy ?" " [ Very Dellberately ] Yes, slr." "I said, "Do you want me gone, soldier ?"" "[ Shoutlng ] Yes, slr !" "Then you meet me outside the R.O.T.C. bulldln' at 2100 hours." "You ladies want me gone, you'll get your chance." "Where ls the first place trophy from the Vlrglnla military Games ?" "wellington Academy, slr !" "I want that trophy." "If you turds can bring me that trophy," "I will resign my command." "Thls ls a black op, gentlemen." "If you are discovered, I will deny all knowledge... and you will pay the price." "That ls my deal." "Do you accept It ?" "Slr... yes, slr." "Then bring me my trophy." "[ Alex ] Thls ls lt, our big chance to get rid of Payne." "We got two miles to get to wellington." "Let's get It outta there as fast as we can." "Hustle, move It !" "Let's go !" "Go, go, go !" "Thls ls your last chance, Dotson." "What, you think I'm gonna come and help you make me look bad ?" "Anyway, I called my dad." "I'm leavin' this stupid school." "Bye." "Have a good time." " Whoa." "Where you goin' ?" " I'm goin' ln the black op." "You can't come." "You're too little." "Why don't you stay back here and guard the base, okay ?" "[ Door Closes ]" "[ Tlger Crylng ]" "[ Crylng Contlnues ]" "What's the matter with you, boy ?" "They won't let me go on no black op." "Th-They say I'm too little." "No one ever lets you do anything when you're too little." "Aw, phooey !" "What about all those stories about the little people that do big things ?" "Llke Llttle Red Riding Hood ?" "Them three little pigs ?" "Splke Lee ?" "Or them Llttle Rascals ?" "You ever hear the story about The Little Engine That Could ?" "Let me tell you that story." "Once upon a time, deep, deep ln the jungle, there was a little engine that could." "He was chuggln' hls way across the enemy line." "Chugga, chugga, chugga." "Chugga, chugga." "Toot, toot !" "Thls little engine's mission... was to take some AK-47s and a nuclear payload... over the mountain to the 2063 Battallon." "Needless to say, there was plenty opposition." "You think that stopped the little engine that could ?" "No, slree, Bob." "He just kept chuggln' along." "Chugga, chugga, chugga." "Chugga, chugga." "Toot, toot !" "Not even when they climbed aboard the train and popped out the eyes of the conductor, and blood and snot was drippin' out his eye sockets." "You think that stopped the little engine that could ?" "Damn skippy." "He just kept chuggln' along." "Chugga, chugga, chugga." "Chugga, chugga." "Toot, toot !" "It wasn't until..." "Charlle rigged a bridge with plastic explosives... just as the little engine was makln' his way across the trestle." "Boom !" "An explosion happened." "And blood and guts and spit and ass was everywhere !" "And Bubba come crawlin' out the back door, both legs mlssln'." "Lula May's baby boy !" "He look up at me." "He said, "Payne !" "I can't feel my legs."" "I said, "Bubba, they ain't there."" " [ Gasps ]" " And I looked down, and them little bloody nubs was kickin' real fast, like this here." "And I said, "Bubba, It's 30 miles to the nearest town." "'Less you can flip upside down and walk on your hands, you ain't gonna make lt."" "All of a sudden, Charlle was all over the place !" "It was just me and my sidearm." "And I had no other alternative... but to blast my way out." " [ Payne Screams ] - [ Emlly Screams ]" ""Dle, pig !" "Dle !" "You'll never take Major Benson Wlnlfred Payne alive !"" "Bam ! "l saw what you did to my friend !" Bam !" " [ Shoutlng ] Major !" "Major !" "Major !" " Bam !" "Bam !" "Bam !" "Hello, Mlss Walburn." "You just missed a little bedtime story." "No." "I didn't, actually." "In fact, I'd love to talk to you about that story." "Perhaps over dinner ?" "Okay." "Okay." "I'll go get ready." " Me too." " Okay." " Okay." " Okay." "[ Chuckles Nervously ] All right, good-bye." "To be continued." "When I come back, I'll tell you..." " what Bubba used as a penis." " Ooh." "~~ [ "Hey, Mr. DJ" by Zhane ]" "~~" "~~" "~~ [ Contlnues ]" "~~" "[ Gobbllng Loudly ]" "~~ [ Contlnues ]" "Well, aln't you gonna eat ?" "I thlnk I'll wait a moment." "My stomach's a little upset." "[ Chuckles ] Them some mighty fine vlttles." "Shouldn't let 'em go to waste." "You know, I thlnk you're really making some wonderful strides... with the way you're dealing with the children." "That was almost a really good thing... you tried to do for Tlger tonight." "May I make a suggestion ?" "[ Clears Throat ] Proceed." "Well, your story, while colorful-- was a bit rough." "You mean, the explosion !" "Yes, and the eye-gouglng part." "You need to loosen up." "Not everything can be about war." "What do you like to do for fun ?" "I like to hang upside down blindfolded, take my gun apart and put It back together... before my nose starts to bleed." "Oh, that's great !" "But ls there anything that you like that doesn't have to do with battle ?" " Llke what ?" " Llke golf." "Negatlve." "Do you like the movies ?" "Negatlve." "I don't suppose you dance." "I've been known to cut a little rug..." "In my day." "~~" "~ There's only one place where we can go ~" "~ To see freaky girls doin' shows ~" "~ Doln' tricks to make us holler ~" "Aln't you gonna dance ?" "Benson." "~ Not like others but above the rest ~" "~ Just do any effect to turn us on Them girls got It goin' on ~" "Benson." "Nobody does the robot anymore." "Then I guess I gotta dig further into my repertoire." " ~ I get hard after seein' you ~" " Heh-heh-heh." "~ How hard Hard like a rock ~" "~ When you make that coochie pop ~" "~ Pop that coochie Hey, pop that coochie, baby ~" "~ Pop that coochie Hey, pop that coochie, baby ~" "~ Pop that coochie ~" "~ Pop, Pop that coochie, baby Pop, pop, pop that coochie ~" "~ Pop, pop that coochie, baby ~" "~ Freaky girls with plenty of class ~" "~ Roamln' to the music and shakin' real fast ~" "~ Bend over backwards, make me shout Work that body ln and out ~" " ~ Movlng that body with plenty of action ~ - [ Yells ]" "~ Brlngln' to the man more satisfaction ~" "~ Doln' what they did to turn us out ~" "~ Just work that body all the way out ~" "~ Shake lt, don't break It It took your mama nine months to make It ~" "~ Bend over and spread 'em, girl ~" "~ Show me those cultured pearls ~" "~ Play that butt and don't you quit ~" "~ Then blow me a freaky kiss ~" "~ Glrl, you know you look so cute ~~" "[ Thunder ]" "williams, you take these guys and fan out the left flank of the school." "Go !" "Gotcha." "Wullgar." "You take these two and cover the right." " Got It ?" " Got lt." "Come on !" "[ Man Clears Throat ]" "Don't move !" "[ Students yelling ]" "[ Student ] Madlson ls a loser." "[ Students Shoutlng ]" "[ Student ] Man, get ln there." "All right ?" "And then his chest cavity exploded." "Boom !" "Heh-heh-heh." "You know, that was the first time I ever drove a man's nose up into his brain, causln' lnstant death and simultaneous bowel evacuation." "But enough about me, woman." "What's your story ?" "I'm surprised you ain't dropped about 12 puppies by now." " [ Chuckles ]" " Aln't you never been married ?" "Yeah, I was." "What happened ?" "You terminate his command ?" "No." "Actually, he left." "I wanted children." "He didn't." "Any man that'd leave you oughta be monkey-stomped... and have his brains mailed back to his mother." "[ Laughs ] Well, thank you, Benson." "How about you ?" "Was there ever a Mrs. Payne ?" "Negatlve." "I figured lf the Marlnes wanted me to have a wife, they'd have issued me one." "[ Laughs ]" "Well," "I had a really nice time tonight, Benson." "Heck, bein' with you ls almost better than cleanln' my gun." "[ Laughs ]" " I got somethin' for you." " Oh, what ls It ?" "It's a bullet." "It's somethin' special." "It's from my heart." "Really ?" "Well, where'd you get It ?" "From my heart." "Left ventricle." "I took It out myself with a field knife." "And I want you to have that." "Thank you, Benson." "Good night." "Good night, princess." "Whee-e-e-e, doggie !" "[ Door Closes ]" "~~ [ Payne Whlstllng "The Marlnes' Hymn ]" "What the hell are you doin' ln my office ?" "[ Chuckles ] It was a trap." "You set us up." "I mighta made a little anonymous call." "You didn't think they was just gonna hand It to you, did ya ?" "We got the crap kicked out of us because of you !" "Tonlght wasn't about fair or unfair." "It was about achlevln' your objective." "Dld you ?" "Dld you even see that trophy ?" "Oh, I saw lt." "And when you saw lt, did you want It ?" "Yeah, to get rid of you." "That's not what I asked !" "Dld you want It ?" "I wanted lt." " To own It ?" " Yeah." " Deserve It ?" " Yeah." " To win It ?" " Oh, yeah." "Then let's win lt, you brulsed-up turd !" "If you really want lt, I'll show you how to earn lt." "[ Dr. phillips On P.A. ] Welcome, parents, to Madlson School." "For your convenience, we will be announcing activities throughout the day," "If they happen." "[ Wullgar ] Hey, Heathcoat, your parents comin' today ?" "[ Heathcoat ] Nah, of course not." " [ Wullgar ] How 'bout you, williams ?" " What, are you kidding ?" "[ Wullgar ] My parents said they'd come, but they said they got allergies." "What the hell happened to you ?" "Me ?" "Nothlng." "I'm great." "Look at you, though." "Regular little soldier man." "You a hard-ass now ?" "What are you doin' here ?" "It's Parents Day, and I am your legal guardian." "You're drunk." "Don't you walk away from me." "Oh." "Glmme a little salute." "I'm not gonna salute you." "You salute your superiors." " Or don't they teach that around here ?" " What superior ?" "They kicked you out." "Remember ?" "[ Grunts ] Don't you sass me like your mother." "You're mine now." "I own you." "And you will respect me." "Now you salute me." "No !" "You hit that boy again, I'm gonna do more than salute you." " Thls ls between me and my son." " Stepson." "Whoever he ls, he's on my time now." "[ Exhales ]" "[ Grunts ]" "[ Grunts ]" "Now I'm gonna ask you nicely, please return to your vehicle." "You go on now." "Go on back to your bunk, son." "Major Payne, slr." "Yeah." "I wanna get that trophy, slr." "Come again ?" "I wanna get that trophy, slr." " What, you want to steal It ?" " No, slr." " You want to win It ?" " I want to earn lt, slr." "The rest of you men feel the same way ?" "Meet me on the parade ground, 1700 hours." "We got work to do." "Squad, atten-hut !" "~~ [ "Respect" by Aretha Franklin ]" "~~" "~ What you want ~" "~ Baby, I got ~" "~ What you need You know I got It ~" "~ All I'm askin' ~" " ~ ls for a little respect when you come home ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ Hey, baby ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ When ya get home ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ Mlster ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" "~ I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone ~" "~ I ain't gonna do you wrong 'cause I don't wanna ~" "~ All I'm askin' ls for a little respect when you come home ~" " ~ Just a little bit just a little bit ~ - ~ Baby, when you get home ~" "~ And all I'm askln' ln return, honey ~" "~ ls to give me my propers when you get home ~" " ~ Just a, just a, just a ~ - ~ Yeah, baby, when you get home ~" " ~ Just a little bit Just a little bit ~ - ~ Yeah ~" "Two." "Three." "Four." "Flve." "Slx." "Seven." "Elght." "~ Ooh, your kisses ~" "~ Sweeter than honey ~" " ~ And guess what, so ls my money ~" " Forty inches breast-to-back." "~ All I want you to do for me ls give It to me when you get home ~" " ~ Re-re-re-re, re-re-re-respect ~ - ~ Yeah, baby ~" "~ Whlp It to me ~" " ~ Just a little bit ~ - ~ When you get home, now ~" "~ Just a little bit ~" "~ R-E-S-P-E-C-T Flnd out what It means to me ~" "~ R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take out T-C-P ~" " ~ Sock It to me, sock It to me ~ - ~ A little respect ~" " ~ Whoa, yeah, a little respect ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ You're runnin' out of food ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ And I ain't lyln' ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ Re-re-re-re, re-re-re-respect ~ - ~ Respect when you come home ~" " ~ Well, you might want ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ To keep on tryin' ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ You're runnin' out of food and I ain't lyln' ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ Respect when you come home ~ - [ Whlstle Blows ]" " ~ I get tired, keep on tryin' ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~" " ~ Or you might walk even further out the door ~ - ~ Just a little bit ~~" "Squad !" "Atten-hut !" "Present arms !" "Order arms !" "Left face !" "Rlght face !" "Rank, rest !" "You're still a shit sandwich." "You're just not a soggy one." "From now on, you are no longer turds." "You've graduated..." "to maggots." "You're a family, a team." "Let's win them games." "Squad !" "Atten-hut !" "General on deck." "Major, I have news so good I've decided to deliver It personally." "Amerlca needs you." "There's a situation ln Bosnla that requires your special services." "As of this moment, you are reinstated ln the Unlted States Marlnes... at the rank of Lleutenant Colonel." " Thank you, slr !" " Congratulatlons." "Your unit will be leaving out of Washlngton." "You will arrive tomorrow at 1600 for briefing." "Here are your tickets." "Uh, General, uh, tomorrow are the military games, and I was hoplng" "Games ?" "Payne, I fought to get you reinstated." "You wanted ln." "I got you ln." "You don't take this, there won't be any more chances." "Slr, the major will be there, slr !" "Good man." "I'll see you ln Washlngton." "Hey, hey, hey, Major." "Where you goin' ?" "Back to killin'." "You wanna come ?" "I didn't think so." "Go lead your men into victory." "Great." "What happened to unity and family... and all that other bullshit that you taught us ?" "I never said families don't break up." "Don't you watch Oprah ?" "So It's true." "You're just gonna leave." "You know, when they're through with you, they're just gonna cut you loose again." "I asked to leave." "Them boys are makin' me soft." "Them boys need you !" "All that hard work they did, they did for you." " They did It for themselves." " Benson." "Look, woman." "I toured 11 separate engagements." "I didn't do that to come back and be conquered by no woman and a bunch of kids." "What'd you really think I was gonna do, marry you ?" "Put up a white picket fence ?" "Adopt Tlger and become the lovin' male role model ?" "That's not me." "It's not Payne !" "~~ [ "l Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You)" by Aretha Franklin ]" "~ You're a no good heartbreaker ~" "~ You're a liar and you're a cheat ~" "~ And I don't know why ~" "~ I let you do these things to me ~" "~ My friends keep tellin' me ~" "~ That you ain't no good ~" "~ Oh-h-h-h but they don't know ~" "~ That I'd leave you lf I could ~" "~ I guess I'm uptight ~" "~ And I'm stuck like glue ~" "~ 'Cause I ain't never ~" "~ I ain't never ~" "~ I ain't never no, no ~" "~ Loved a man the way-- ~~" "I can't believe he actually left." "Alex, where are you going ?" "To the games." "You guys better start getting ready." "We gotta be there ln an hour." "We don't have to go to the games." "Payne's gone." "We don't have a chance without Payne." "Llsten, Payne or no Payne," "I'm gonna go out there and win that stupid trophy." "We busted our asses off out there gettin' ready for this." "Now I didn't go through all that to come out empty-handed." "So how 'bout lt, guys ?" "You with me ?" " Uh, I'm" " Sure." " Yeah." " [ Imltatlng Payne ] I can't hear you !" " Slr, yes, slr !" "Just a little bit louder now." "[ Cadets ] Slr, yes, slr !" "One more time, you maggots." "[ Cadets ] Slr, yes, slr-r-r-r !" "[ Braggart On P.A. ] Taggert, present arms." "Stapleton, present arms !" "wellington, present arms !" "Madlson, present arms !" "Cadets, order arms !" "Welcome, men, to wellington Academy, to the 58th annual Junlor R.O.T.C. Vlrglnla military Games." "Thls morning, you are all equal." "But by the end of the day today, we will honor the finest of you with a trophy." "The trophy of a champion." "Let the games begin !" "[ Cheers, Whlstles, Applause ]" "Good shot, williams." "I got nothin' to say to you." "All right, Fox." "Keep goin'." "Yes !" "[ Alex ] Come on, guys !" "Maggots !" "Pull !" "[ Alex ] Go, Tlger !" "Go !" "[ Man ] Whoa !" "Catch It !" "Oh, I gotcha now !" "[ Laughs ]" "[ Emlly's Volce ] Benson." "~~ [ Theme from The Donna Reed Show ]" "~~ [ Contlnues ]" "[ Dog Barks ]" "[ Traln Whlstle ]" " On your mark." "Get set." " [ Startlng Gun Shoots ]" "[ Cheerlng, Clapplng ]" "One, slr." "Two, slr." "Three, slr." "Four, slr." "Flve, slr." "Slx, slr." "Seven, slr." "Four, slr." "Flve, slr." "Slx, slr." "[ Cadets yelling ]" "[ Alex ] Llsten, Heathcoat." "Over the wall." "Go !" "Go !" "Come on !" "You can do It !" "[ Alex ] Come on !" "Let's move It !" "Move It !" "[ Dotson ] See you later, loser." "[ Pantlng ]" " [ Woman ] ls that him ?" " [ Man ] Yeah, come on !" "[ Spectators Contlnue yelling ]" "[ Breathlng Heavlly ]" "[ Grunts ]" " He just tripped him !" " The winner of the relay race ls wellington Academy." "Second place:" "Madlson Preparatory." "Thlrd place:" "Stapleton." "Fourth place:" "Taggert." "[ Whlstle Blows ]" " [ Whlstle Blows ] - [ Pollceman ] All right, knock It off!" "[ Offlcer ] Get off of him !" "Hold It right there !" "Hey, hey, you !" "[ Pollceman ] Knock It off !" "Knock It off !" "I want that man arrested !" "Thls ls unsatisfactory !" "I demand that the Madlson squad... be disqualified from the final competition !" "Lleutenant, I can only disqualify the cadet who started the disturbance." "That's not enough !" "Look at 'em !" "These animals are so pathetic, their own commander didn't even bother to show up." "Aln't no need for name-caIllng." "Major Payne." "What are you doing here ?" "I was told you were on an important assignment." "Well, what could be more important than my boys wlnnln' this here competition ?" "I suggest we get this party started." "Is that okay with you, Colonel ?" "Cadets." "I'm pleased to announce the two top-rated squads... who will compete for first and second place ln the parade drill competition:" "wellington Academy and Madlson Academy." "Arms, hut !" "Left face !" "[ Braggart on P.A. ] Ladles and gentlemen, wellington Academy." " Forward march !" " drill leader:" "Sergeant Michael RachmIll." "Hup." "Hup." "Hup." "Hup." "All right, gentlemen." "Let's look alive here !" "We got trophies to win !" "Hello, Mr. Denlal." "Whlle you were on vacation, we've been havin' some real problems here." "I don't see no problem." "You made It to the finals, didn't you ?" "Yeah, no thanks to you." "So why'd ya come back ?" "We don't need you." "Maybe I didn't come back for you." "Why'd you come back then ?" "Maybe I told myself that I want to see you win first place... and aln't gonna leave until you do !" "[ Chuckles ] So that's It ?" "It's all about the trophy ?" "Maybe..." "I like ya." "Just like ?" "Maybe..." "I like you a lot." "That's It ?" "Don't push the "maybe," baby." "Now let's win this thing !" "We have nobody to lead the drill." " 'Course we do." " Who ?" " Tlger." " [ Wullgar ] Are you crazy ?" " What ?" " That's right." "That boy know the drill like the knob on the back of his head." "I can't do lt." "I'm too little." "[ Braggart On P.A. ] Ladles and gentlemen, the wellington Academy drill Team." "You need me to tell you the story about the Llttle Engine That Could again ?" "Then you get out there and you toot that horn, boy." "Toot." "Toot." "Toot." "Toot." "[ Braggart on P.A. ] Ladles and gentlemen, Madlson Preparatory School." "[ Crowd Cheering, Applaudlng ]" "~~ Drum Roll ]" "drill team leader:" "Prlvate Kevln "Tlger" Dunne." "[ Students Laughlng ]" "Bust a move !" "~ [ Hlp-Hop Beat ] ~ Now here we are together ~" "~ Ready to do whatever ~" "~ We started out as boys Now we're men and we're makin' noise ~" "~ So stand back and step clear Madlson cadets are the ones to fear ~" "~ lf you don't believe battle us and you will see ~" "~ Oh, yeah, here we come Here we come, here we come ~" "~ Hlp-hop, hlp-hop hlp-hop, ho ~" "~ Hlp-hop, hlp-hop hlp-hop, ho ~" "~ We can get down 'cause It's ln our souls ~" "~ We can get down 'cause It's ln our souls ~" " ~ Hlt me with a one, two ~ - ~ One, two ~" " ~ Hlt me with a three, four ~ - ~ Three, four ~" "~ Hlt me with a one, two, three, four ~" " ~ One, two... three, four ~" " Mark time, march !" " [ Cadets ] ~ Ahhhhh-hoo ~ - ~ Present arms ~" "~ Forward march ~" "~ Huh, huh, huh, huh ~" "~ Order arms ~" "~~" "~ philly stomp ~" "~~" "[ Cadets ] ~ Ho ~" "~~" "~~" "~ Hlt It ~" "~ Oh, yeah ~" "~ One, two, three Get down on the hlp-hop ~" "~ Get down and get funky and you don't stop, what, do dat, do dat ~" "~ Go, Tlger Do dat, do dat ~" "~ Get down, do dat, do dat Go, Tlger, do dat, do dat ~" " ~ Get down, do dat, do dat ~" " Whoo !" "Whoo !" "Whoo !" "Whoo !" " ~ Get down, do dat, do dat Go, Tlger, oof, oof ~" " Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h !" " ~ Salute ~~ - [ Gun Salute ]" " [ Braggart On P.A. ] Madlson Preparatory School." " [ Crowd Cheering, Applaudlng ]" "Company !" "Atten-hut !" "Slr, squad ls formed, slr." "Post." "My name..." "Is Major Benson Wlnlfred Payne !" "I'd like to be the first to welcome you... to the Madlson School." "What we've tried to develop here..." "Is a family environment." "One of trust and understanding." "I'd like for you to think of me not only as your commanding officer," " but as your friend." " [ Dog Barks ]" "And what the hell ls that ?" "He's mine." "[ Whlstles ]" "That-a-boy." "Slt." "Good boy." "You know, there ain't no pets allowed on these here premises, Mr. Ace Ventura." "Yeah, well, maybe that doesn't apply to me." "He's my blind seeln'-eye dog." "What ln the world would anybody want with a blind dog ?" "The dog aln't blind." "I'm the one that's blind, you idiot." "[ Barks ]" "Oh, I see you and your friend Cujo here... got a little attitudinal problem needs some readjustln'." "I'm gonna fix that up quick, fast and ln a hurry." "Hey, Corporal !" "Go tell Mama bring my field knife." "[ Moanlng ]" "[ Dog Whlmperlng ]" "Heh-heh-heh." "Ah, heh-heh-heh." "Oh, heh-heh." "Ah, heh-heh-heh." "Ho-ho-ho." "Heh-heh-heh." "Ho-ho-ho." "Heh-heh-heh." "Oh, heh-heh-heh." "Ah, heh-heh-heh."