"♪ The banger boys have said goodbye ♪" "♪ they're wearing their marching suits ♪" "♪ we can hear their little sweethearts sigh ♪" "♪ to the tattoo of their boots ♪ goodbye, Susanna" "♪ I'm savannah bound ♪ I hope that's where I'll fight tonight ♪ ♪ I'll be standing on solid ground ♪" "[ Birds chirping ] Brett Mobley -- a friend, a son to many." "Here in the cold, we stand and muster." "The milk what ate the honey goat." "Never dawns the day." "But clover fades what the dead cannot undone." "Words in spirit, autumn's somber jig." "[ Thunder rumbles ] Who knew?" "As time goes by, I'll always remember..." "Chris: [ Screaming ] Brett:" "It's okay, buddy!" "It's okay!" "...Look to the stars and the sea." "And all the..." "Chris:" "Okay!" "Oh, God, Brett!" "[ Sobbing, screaming ] [ Thunder rumbles ]" "I know I can't do that anymore." "I'm " " I'm out of gasoline." "Uh, I got my nose caught in a door once." "Chris:" "Stupid idiot!" "Susie: [ Gasps ] Chris: [ Sobbing ] It's okay," "Brett!" "It's okay!" "[ Singing indistinctly ] Peeking in on a newlywed couple." "Anyway, so long, Brett." "I'll see you later." "Toodle-oo, you rascal, you." "I'll come over here and, by God, I'll crawl in here." "Susie: [ Sighs ] I don't give a [bleep]." "Susie:" "Uh, okay." "[ Grunts ]" "Susie:" "No, no." "No, no, no, no." "Uh..." "[ Telephone ringing ]" "All right, Chris." "Let's go through it one more time." "How did he wind up in the chipper?" "Chris:" "Fellas, come on." "Is this really necessary?" "I mean, marshals die every day." "Don't you have more important things to investigate?" "Like, for example, how it's possible that Saul Rubinek hasn't been recognized for his film work yet?" "I mean, the man simply lights up the screen." "I mean, he really does, I dare say." "Oh." "Huh?" "Hmm?" "Ooh!" "[ Groans ] [ Coughs ]" "Sorry, Chris." "[ Coughs ]" "You come in here with your smart lines about Saul Rubinek." "Why don't you just tell us what happened?" "Chris: [ Sighs ] Okay, fellas." "Here's how I remember it." "[ Sighs ]" "We had cornered Nick Shipley and his goons down at the old lumber mill, and we were going in for the kill." "One of them must have thrown a wig on that wood chipper, and" "Brett thought it was a pretty lady, and he dives in for a kiss, keister-first, upside-down, Mobley-style." "[ Opera music plays ] [ Wood chipper whirring ]" "'Twas all she wrote." "Okay, if that's your statement, all I need is for you to sign." "Chris:" "Ah, sure." "I'll put my little siggy pop right here." "Here you g" "Aah!" "Okay." "Nice signature." "Chris:" "Ah, from your lips to God's hips." "Arrivederci, fellas." "[ Speaking Italian ]" "Morning, Chris." "Where you been?" "Chris:" "Oh, D'Alessandro." "I think the guy's a little sweet on me." "A new case just came in." "I, uh " " I -- [ Desk creaking ]" "[ Grunts ] Chris:" "Geez, Cappy, have you been hitting the syrup?" "You're starting to stick, there." "Oh, so I am." "Uh, that damn changeover." "Susie:" "Changeover?" "Yeah, new marshals are coming." "Every few decades, uh, the old guard gets absorbed, and a new crop is spit out." "[ Muttering ] [ Bubbling ]" "I-I guess my time's up." "Anyway, uh, I got a report that a bunch of sea creatures have been stolen from the aquarium." "I want you guys to go check it out." "Susie:" "Um, I have a case that might be a little more pressing." "Hmm?" "Susie:" "There's been a lot of chatter about a cocaine deal going down at the docks this" "Thursday night." "Sorry, kid." "Drug busts don't make the headlines." "Even landlubbers know that." "If you want ink -- and I don't mean squid ink -- you better go find those missing squids." "Chris:" "Well, I think our friend, uh, Brett back there knows a thing or two about docking." "Don't you, Brett?" "[ Chuckles ]" "Huh?" "Chris:" "Well, somebody mentioned docks earlier in the conversation." "Susie:" "Chris." "Chris: [ Chuckles ] What?" "Susie:" "Brett's dead." "Chris:" "Huh?" "[ Screaming ] Brett:" "It's okay!" "Chris: [ Gasps ] [ Sighs ]" "Um, will you all excuse me?" "I think I've got to go take a walk around the toilet." "Sorry, my bad." "[ Thunder rumbles ] Why don't you just tell us what happened?" "Brett:" "They got us surrounded, buddy." "What do we do?" "Chris:" "All right, let's show them a back-to-back stack n' Jack." "On three." "Un, deux, trois." "[ Both grunting ]" "Okay, switch." "Brett:" "Oh!" "Aah!" "[ Wood chipper whirring ] Chris: [ Screaming ]" "[ Thunder rumbles ] I know what you did." "Chris: [ Gasps ] Really?" "Yeah." "I know everything." "Chris:" "About Brett?" "Yeah, and if you don't do what I say, I'm spilling." "Chris:" "What do you want?" "You work for me now." "Eleanor!" "Eleanor!" "Oh." "Eleanor!" "You'll never guess the day I had." "Go on." "Guess." "Save your serenading for the follies, Bernard." "Spit it." "I got one, Eleanor." "I got a golden chump." "After all these dry months, one just fell right into my lap -- right there -- ka-plop." "Bernie moss lap time for one grade-a chumperoo." "Oh, Eleanor, if only you could have seen it." "It started like any other day." "[ Knock on door ] I know what you did." "[ Door slams ] I know what you did." "[ Door slams ] I know what you did." "No, I'm -- [ Door slams ]" "I went around cold-accusing anyone who'd give me an ear for a half a shake." "It was a rousing string of the usual defeats and indignities." "I was just about to give up on the whole thing." "Stupid, no-good fool I am." "Who I was kidding, thinking this was a good idea?" "Louse." "Imbecile." "[ Mockingly ] "I know what you did." "I know what you did." "I know what you did." Chris: [ Gasps ]" "Really?" "[ Normal voice ] Yeah." "I know everything." "He bought it, Eleanor." "I got him on the hook, right through the curl in his lip." "What's this mean?" "It means the sun's coming out, sweetheart." "It means our luck's finally coming 'round." "We'll squeeze him for dough, go to the coast." "They got good hospitals there." "You can get your heart treated." "This chump's gonna give us a future." "The only chump's the one I'm looking at." "Aw, Hank." "Don't you see?" "I'm doing this for you." "This goose will pay your way through college, grad school, even." "You know I ain't got the brains for college." "You just want me to go so you can kid yourself into thinking your life wasn't a total failure." "But all the college in the world won't make up for the fact that you let my sister die, and now mom's in the bedroom shooting dope into her veins on account of it." "[ Sobbing ] Oh, God, Hank." "Oh, God!" "Your dinner's getting cold." "[ Sobbing ]" "[ Mid-tempo music plays ] Chris:" "Where are we going?" "Susie:" "Aquarium." "Stolen sea creatures." "We're gonna question a marine biologist." "Chris:" "Hey, do you mind if we swing by Gertz's first?" "I got to pick up a bottle of bromide." "Susie:" "Bromide?" "Chris:" "It's not for me." "Speaking of which, do you know where a guy could get a pair of compression socks around here?" "Susie:" "Who are you running errands for?" "Chris: [ Sighs ] Don't worry about it." "[ Sighs ] Susie:" "Chris, you left the car on." "Chris:" "Oh, so what?" "We're only gonna be in here for a minute." "There's a wall down there, anyway." "I came in yesterday morning, and they were all gone -- the groupers and starfish -- all of them." "Susie:" "Do you have any enemies that we should know about?" "Mm, I don't know." "Maybe those zoo assholes." "Chris:" "Okay, well, we're gonna snoopidy-doop for a little bit." "[ Sighs ] Check around here." "[ Microwave beeping ] [ Toaster clicks ]" "Susie:" "Chris." "You're acting really strange." "Are you all right?" "Chris:" "Sure, I am." "Are you?" "[ Blender whirring ]" "Susie:" "Yeah, actually, I'm -- I'm glad that you brought that up, because..." "[ Whirring stops ] ...I'm in a bit of a situation." "Chris:" "Uh-huh." "Susie:" "I have this...friend who did something really bad, and I know about it, but no one else knows about it, and I don't know what to do." "Chris:" "Screw him." "Sell him out." "Susie:" "What?" "Really?" "Chris:" "Yeah." "I'm telling you, honey, he'd give you up in a heartbeat." "[ Mid-tempo music plays ]" "We're all in it for ourselves in this sorry pisspot." "Susie:" "I don't think you completely understand the situation." "Chris: [ Sighs ] Look, you do the crime, you do the time." "Hope the bastard fries for it." "[ Vacuum cleaner whirring ] [ Muttering ]" "[ Whirring stops ] [ Music stops ]" "They don't suspect a thing." "I'll see you tonight." ""First I'll start you part-time." "Run my errands, marshal." Check." ""Make my calls." Check." "[ Chuckles ] "What's that?" "Oh, don't mind if I sit in a rickshaw while you drag me around the town for all to see." Check." "Check." "Check." "I know you don't know." "About what?" "You know." "About Chris?" "Yeah." "Chris." "I know you don't have anything on Chris." "You work for Leo Prince now." "I'm Leo Prince." "That you, Bernard?" "You know, I've been thinking about what you said, and I think you might be on to something." "I'm willing to give it a shot." "Maybe this could be a new beginning for us." "Easy street, here we come." "I never thought it could happen." "What do you think?" "You look beautiful, Eleanor..." "like the day we met." "Gentlemen, I present to you the most revolutionary counterfeiting system in history." "But first a little biology lesson." "[ Synthesized music plays ]" "[ Tape fast-forwarding ] The starfish, marvel of the seven seas, the only animal with powerful enough regenerative abilities that the act of severing one in half will result in two perfectly formed starfish." "[ Synthesized music plays ] [ Music stops ]" "Well, what does this have to do with counterfeiting?" "This machine takes the natural ability of the starfish and turns it into cold, hard cash." "First they're pressed..." "[ Machine hisses ] [ Splat!" "]" "...then cut..." "[ Machine hisses ]" "[ Splat!" "] ...finally, printed." "[ Machine whirs ] Voilà." "Fake money..." "that multiplies endlessly." "You're all going to be very wealthy men...and so am I." "Chris:" "Hello." "I'm calling on behalf of" "Bernard moss." "He knows what you did, and he -- [ receiver clicks ] Hello?" "Hello?" "Hi, I'm calling on behalf of" "Bernard moss." "He knows what you did, and he -- [ receiver clicks ] Hello?" "Hello." "Hi." "I'm not privy to that information, but I do know you did something that he observed, and, uh, well, he wants to blackmail you." "Hello?" "Uh, what would be a better time to call?" "Hello?" "Okay." "Hi." "I'm calling on behalf of Bernard moss." "[ Sighs ] He knows what you did -- stick your ass in your [bleep]." "No, I am sorry." "I don't think that's anatomically possible." "Thank you, anyway." "You work for me now, and I work for him, so we're all in this together." "Who the [Bleep] is this?" "!" "Yeah." "Hello?" "Right." "Understood." "I'll take you right off the list." "Okay." "[ Sighs ]" "Ooh, yeah." "Work them knots." "After this, you can pick up the roast at the butcher's -- give it a back massage." "[ Telephone rings ]" "Uh, just a moment, Mr. Prince." "Uh, I'm coming." "I'm coming." "Hello?" "Yes, this is Bernard moss." "What's that?" "Oh -- oh, yes, I've " " I've given my credit card to an employee of mine, Chris Monsanto." "Yes, he's authorized to use it." "He's an employee of mine." "He's charged how much?" "Damn it, Chris!" "Just have to step out for a minute, Mr. Prince." "[ Door closes ] Leaving you alone with" "Leo Prince is the second worst mistake your husband ever made...after being born, that is." "Susie:" "Hey, thank you for coming with me to this cocaine bust." "Chris:" "Whatever." "Hey, there's the aquarium guy." "You got the stuff?" "You got the money?" "[ Sloshing ]" "The real McCoy." "[ Sniffs ]" "What is that smell?" "Probably the briny sea all around us." "There's that money-spending sack of [Bleep]" "Chris: [ Sighs ] You know, Susie, uh, I've been thinking a lot about that friend you were talking about..." "Susie:" "Uh-huh." "Chris: ..." "And, um, how I said that everybody's in it for themselves." "Susie:" "Oh, yeah?" "Chris:" "Yeah." "Did you ever think about getting him to open up about it and talk about it and, you know, maybe secretly recording him?" "Because, apparently, the blackmailing business is booming." "Susie:" "I was talking about you, you idiot." "Chris:" "Me?" "What'd I do?" "Susie: [ Scoffs ]" "Chris:" "Oh, you mean the Brett stuff?" "Susie:" "Yes!" "Chris:" "Susie, that was an accident." "I didn't mean to do it, and it's tearing me up inside." "You cannot tell anybody about that." "Otherwise, they're gonna fire me." "[ Sighs ] I got this blackmailer up my ass." "I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do." "[ Inhales deeply ]" "Now, let's think." "How do we prevent people from finding out that I killed Brett?" "[ Gasps ]" "I heard." "I know everything." "Chris:" "Okay." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "I know." "No, I didn't before, but now I do." "You got nothing on me now, Prince." "I heard it all." "I heard it all!" "He heard it all!" "[ Gun cocks ]" "[ Gasps ] Ka-plop." "What the hell?" "That money is starfish." "That coke's white ants." "[ Guns cocking ]" "Chris: [ Clears throat ] [ Guns cock ]" "Excuse me, fellas." "Susie:" "Chris, what are you doing?" "Get down!" "Chris:" "B-b-b-beep, beep, beep, beep." "Uh, unh-unh." "Susan, you've probably noticed that, recently, I've been a little scattered, right?" "Leaving the car running..." "Susie:" "You left the car on." "Chris: ..." "Light bulbs on, that sort of thing." "[ Blender whirring ] Well, remember when we first met that aquarium guy that we just saw die?" "The groupers and starfish -- all of them." "Chris:" "The second he nervously mentioned starfish, I figured he must have been using them to make counterfeit money." "Okay." "To move that much chump change, he'd probably want to go somewhere he could mask the stink, so I figured it tied into this wondrous drug deal you've been prattling on about." "Susie: ..." "Cocaine deal going down at the docks this Thursday night." "Chris:" "You see, Susan, what I've actually been doing is increasing my carbon footprint." "This here, and this there, and as icing on the cake, I borrowed old Bernie's credit card, and I bought 200,000 pounds of steel to seal the deal." "I sure hope those boys down there brought their speedos, because they're gonna get awful wet in about three...two...one." "[ All screaming ] Susie: [ Gasps ]" "[ Sighs ] Chris:" "Well, all's well that drowns swell." "Great work, Chris." "You got those four or five guys." "Chris:" "Well, thanks, Cappy, but I couldn't have done it without the help of our good friend global warming." "Mm." "You're sure there's nothing more you'd like to tell us?" "Susie:" "No, I didn't see how Brett fell into the wood chipper because I was...shopping." "Figures." "[ Beeping ] Chris:" "Hey, uh, what's going on here?" "Uh, one of the stiffs from the crime scene washed up on shore." "We're gonna brain-drain him." "Chris:" "Brain-drain?" "What's that?" "New technology." "Latest thing in crime-fighting." "They take a stiff and pull out all his memories -- everything they know." "Everything." "Everything." "Everything." "Everything." "Everything." "Everything." "Everything." "Everything." "Sync  corrections by honeybunny" "♪ I plead guilty to loving her as much as any man could ♪" "♪ the love I gave to that girl just was more than any man should ♪ ♪ yes, your honor, my heart was true ♪ ♪ whether the sky was gray or blue ♪ ♪ yes, your honor," "I make amends ♪ ♪ but this woman and me will never be friends ♪ ♪ but this..."