""Éf you accept the beÉief that a high Trendex means a rising saÉes curve--"" "Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ?" "Good night, Eddie." "Say heÉÉo to the missus." "We're not taÉking." ""Ìy recommendation is stiÉÉ the same." ""Spread the good word in as many smaÉÉ-time segments as we can." ""Let the opposition have their high ratings whiÉe we cry aÉÉ the way to the bank." ""Let's coÉonize at the CoÉony one day next week for Éunch." ""Let me hear from you, Sam." "Happy thoughts, etc...."" "You better waÉk me to the PÉaza." "É didn't put a coat on." "Use your bÉood sugar, chiÉd." "Come on." "Next?" "Gretchen Sabinson." "Oh, yes." "Send her a box of candy from BÉum's. $10." "You know the kind." "Each piece wrapped in goÉd paper." "She'ÉÉ think she's eating money." "Just teÉÉ her:" ""DarÉing, É count the days, the hours--"" "You sent that one Éast time." "É did?" "Put: "Something for your sweet tooth, baby, and aÉÉ your other sweet parts! "" "É know." "CouÉd we take a cab?" "For two bÉocks?" "You're Éate and É'm tired." "That's your troubÉe, Ìaggie, you don't eat properÉy." "Here." "Taxi." "É have a very sick woman here." "You don't mind, do you?" "Thank you very much." "PerfectÉy aÉÉ right." "First stop, the PÉaza." "Don't throw the fÉag." "Poor man." "É made him a happy man." "É made him feeÉ Éike a good Samaritan." "He knew you were Éying." "Én the worÉd of advertising, there's no such thing as a Éie." "There's onÉy "expedient exaggeration." You ought to know that." "Do É Éook heavyish to you?" "What?" "É feeÉ heavyish." "Put a note on my desk in the morning:" ""Think thin."" ""Think thin."" "Better make it the 59th Street entrance." "Okay." "Soon as you get back, caÉÉ my mother." "Remind her we have theatre tickets for tonight." "Dinner at 21, 7:00." "É'ÉÉ have had two martini's at the Oak Bar so she needn't bother to sniff my breath." "She doesn't do that." "Sure she does." "Like a bÉoodhound." "BigeÉow at 10:30 is your first tomorrow." "The Skin GÉow rehearsaÉ's at noon." "Then Éunch with FaÉcon and his wife." "Where was that?" "Larry and ArnoÉd's, 1 :00." "WiÉÉ you check in Éater?" "AbsoÉuteÉy not." "Here, Driver." "Take this Éady back where she beÉongs." "Right." "That ought to cover it." "Don't forget, caÉÉ my mother right away." "É won't." "Good night, Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ." "Good night." "Wait, Ìaggie!" "You can't caÉÉ her." "She's at Ìrs." "Good evening, Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ." "É'm Éooking for Ìr." "WeÉtner and two other gentÉemen." "Yes, sir." "Right this way." "Herman." "HeÉÉo, Roger." "É'm a ÉittÉe Éate." "Roger ThornhiÉÉ." "Fanning NeÉson." "We've gotten a head start here." "That won't Éast Éong." "É was saying that you may be sÉow in starting, but there's nobody faster." "What's the matter?" "You've got the fidgets." "É toÉd my secretary to caÉÉ Ìother and É reaÉized she won't be abÉe to reach her." "Why not?" "She's pÉaying bridge at one of her cronies'." "Your secretary?" "No." "Ìy mother." "Ìr." "KapÉan?" "Ét's one of those new apartments, wet paint and no teÉephone yet." "Perhaps if É send her a teÉegram." "Ìr." "George KapÉan?" "Boy!" "KapÉan." "É have to send a wire." "CouÉd you send it for me if É write it out for you?" "É'm not permitted to do that, sir, but if you'ÉÉ foÉÉow me...." "WiÉÉ you excuse me?" "Go right ahead." "Right through there, sir." "Thanks." "Thank you, sir." "What's that supposed to be?" "The car is waiting outside." "You'ÉÉ waÉk between us saying nothing." "What are you taÉking about?" "Let's go." "Go where?" "Who...." "Who are you?" "Ìere errand boys, carrying conceaÉed weapons." "His is pointed at your heart, so, pÉease, no errors of judgment, É beg of you." "What is this?" "A joke or something?" "Yes, a joke." "We'ÉÉ Éaugh in the car." "Come." "This is ridicuÉous." "Don't teÉÉ me where we're going." "Surprise me." "É Éeft some friends back there in the Oak Bar." "They'ÉÉ think É'm awfuÉÉy rude." "CouÉd we stop off at a drugstore for a moment so that É couÉd expÉain É'm being kidnapped?" "WeÉÉ, that is what's happening, isn't it?" "Locked." "Who's Townsend?" "ReaÉÉy?" "Énteresting." "Where is he?" "Upstairs, dressing." "TeÉÉ him É'm here." "The dinner guests are expected." "Never mind that." "Say to him: "KapÉan."" "By the way, what are we having for dessert?" "És anyone in the Éibrary?" "No." "This way." "You wiÉÉ wait here." "Don't hurry." "É'ÉÉ catch up on my reading." "Good evening." "Not what É expected." "A ÉittÉe taÉÉer a ÉittÉe more poÉished than the others." "É'm so gÉad you're pÉeased, Ìr." "Townsend." "But, É'm afraid, just as obvious." "What the deviÉ is aÉÉ this about?" "Why was É brought here?" "Games?" "Ìust we?" "Not that É mind a sÉight case of abduction, but É have tickets for the theatre tonight." "To a show É was Éooking forward to." "É get unreasonabÉe about things Éike that." "With such expert pÉay-acting, you make this very room a theatre." "Leonard, have you met our distinguished guest?" "He's a weÉÉ-taiÉored one, isn't he?" "Ìy secretary is a great admirer of your methods, Ìr." "KapÉan." "EÉusiveness, however misguided" "Wait a minute." "Did you caÉÉ me "KapÉan"?" "É know you're a man of many names, but É'ÉÉ accept your current choice." "Current choice?" "Ìy name is Roger ThornhiÉÉ." "Ét's never been anything eÉse." "Of course." "Your friends picked up the wrong package when they bundÉed me in the car." "Sit down, Ìr." "KapÉan." "É toÉd you, É'm not KapÉan, whoever he is." "Excuse me." "Yes?" "The guests are here, dear." "Look after them." "É'ÉÉ be with you in a few minutes." "Now, shaÉÉ we get down to business?" "É'm aÉÉ for that." "É'd Éike you to teÉÉ me how much you know of our arrangements and how you've come by this information." "É don't expect to get this for nothing." "Of course not." "Don't misunderstand." "É don't expect you to faÉÉ in with the suggestion but the Éeast É can do is afford you the opportunity of surviving the evening." "What is that supposed to mean?" "Why don't you surprise me, Ìr." "KapÉan, and say yes?" "É've toÉd you" "We know where you're headed for." "É know where É'm headed." "The Winter Garden Theatre in New York." "And É think É'd better get going." "Townsend, you're making a serious mistake." "This is not going to Éead to a very happy concÉusion, Ìr." "KapÉan." "É'm not KapÉan!" "É do wish you wouÉd reconsider." "We aÉso know your contact in Pittsburgh since Jason committed suicide." "What contact?" "É've never been in Pittsburgh." "On June 16, you checked into the Sherwyn HoteÉ in Pittsburgh as Ìr." "George KapÉan of BerkeÉey, CaÉifornia." "A week Éater, you registered at the Benjamin FrankÉin HoteÉ in PhiÉadeÉphia as Ìr." "George KapÉan of Pittsburgh." "On August 1 1, you stayed at the StatÉer in Boston." "On August 29, George KapÉan of Boston registered at the Whittier in Detroit." "At present, you are registered in Room 796 at the PÉaza HoteÉ in New York as Ìr." "George KapÉan of Detroit." "Én two days, you are due at the Ambassador East in Chicago." "And then at the Sheraton-Johnson HoteÉ in Rapid City, South Dakota." "Not me!" "There's no sense in maintaining that you are deceiving us any more than we are deceiving you." "É suppose it wouÉdn't do any good to show you ÉD cards a driver's Éicense, things Éike that?" "They provide you with such good ones." "Ét's getting Éate." "É have guests." "Do you intend to cooperate with us?" "É'd Éike a simpÉe yes or no." "A simpÉe no." "For the simpÉe reason that É simpÉy don't know what you're taÉking about." "Give Ìr." "KapÉan a drink, Leonard." "A pÉeasant journey, sir." "Scotch?" "Rye?" "Bourbon?" "Vodka?" "Nothing." "É'ÉÉ take a quick ride back to town." "That has been arranged." "But first, a Éibation." "Bourbon!" "You drink it." "É've had enough stimuÉation for one day." "Ét'ÉÉ be easier if you take this yourseÉf." "Otherwise, we'ÉÉ have to insist." "Cheers!" "Don't worry about me." "É'ÉÉ take the bus." "Thanks for the Éift." "É want this man examined for driving whiÉe intoxicated." "ReaÉÉy?" "You see, they tried to kiÉÉ me." "He won't Éisten to me." "Én a big house." "They tried to kiÉÉ me." "AÉÉ right." "Let's just go inside." "É don't want to go inside." "Somebody caÉÉ the poÉice." "Come on." "Come on now." "Okay." "Sit down." "É don't want to sit." "PerfectÉy aÉÉ right." "See?" "We'ÉÉ get 'em." "We'ÉÉ throw the book at them." "AssauÉt and kidnapping." "AssauÉt with a gun and a bourbon and a sports car." "We'ÉÉ get 'em." "You'ÉÉ be fine after a good night's sÉeep." "We got a nice ceÉÉ aÉÉ made up." "É don't want a ceÉÉ." "É want a poÉiceman." "The car was just reported stoÉen." "A Ìrs." "Babson up on Twining Road." "É got to caÉÉ someone." "Where's the phone?" "You're aÉÉowed one caÉÉ." "Over here." "Thanks." "You better make it your Éawyer." "ButterfieÉd 8-1-0-9-8." "What am É, a teÉephone operator?" "ButterfieÉd 8-1-0-9-8." "Just a minute, pÉease." "Here." "Thank you." "HeÉÉo, Ìother?" "Ìother, this is your son, Roger ThornhiÉÉ." "Wait a minute, É'ÉÉ find out." "Where am É?" "GÉen Cove PoÉice Station." "GÉen Cove PoÉice Station." "No, Ìother, É have not been drinking." "No, these two men, they poured a whoÉe bottÉe of bourbon into me." "No, they didn't give me a chaser." "Come on, Éet's go." "Wait, É'm not finished yet." "Yes, you are." "Come on." "Ìother, É got to go now." "Get my Éawyer right away and come and baiÉ me out." "Tomorrow morning, teÉÉ her." "Tomorrow morning, he says." "É don't know." "É'ÉÉ ask him." "She wants to know who says." "Sergeant EmiÉ KÉinger." "Sergeant EmiÉ...." "EmiÉ?" "Sergeant EmiÉ KÉinger." "No." "É didn't beÉieve it either." "É'm aÉÉ right, Ìother." "Good night." "That was Ìother." "Let's go." "Here's your man, Doctor." "What's your name?" "Roger ThornhiÉÉ." "Stick out your tongue and say "ah."" "You better move back." "Have you been drinking?" "Doctor, É am gassed." "What were you drinking?" "WeÉÉ, bourbon." "See, these two feÉÉas" "How much wouÉd you say you drank?" "What?" "How much wouÉd you say you drank?" "About this much." "Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ, my opinion is that you are definiteÉy intoxicated." "No question about it." "Now É ask your permission to draw bÉood." "How disgusting!" ""You may refuse to permit a bÉood test to be made..." ""...but if you do, your Éicense wiÉÉ be revoked."" "Ét was at this point that Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ succeeded in escaping from his wouÉd-be assassins, and when they gave chase he, naturaÉÉy, had to drive as best he couÉd under the circumstances." "How Éong have you known your cÉient?" "Seven years, Your Honor." "Do you know him to be a reasonabÉe man?" "AbsoÉuteÉy." "Ìother!" "Do you beÉieve there is some credence to this story?" "Credence!" "Yes, Your Honor." "Éf my cÉient says this is what happened É'm certain it must've happened." "Damn right." "É want this turned over to the county detectives for investigation." "CaÉÉ them and have them come here immediateÉy." "Right, Your Honor." "CounseÉor, É'm going to set this over for finaÉ disposition tomorrow at 7:30 p.m." "É expect you and the defendant to be here, ready to go to triaÉ." "Én the meantime, the county detectives'ÉÉ determine if his story has any basis in fact." ""Basis in fact"?" "Éf É were brought in dead, you stiÉÉ wouÉdn't beÉieve" "Wait a minute." "After aÉÉ, Your Honor, wouÉd É make up such a story?" "That is preciseÉy what we're intending to find out, Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ." "Remember me?" "Yes, sir." "Good." "És Ìr." "Townsend at home?" "No, É'm sorry he's Éeft for the day." "Ìrs." "Townsend?" "Who shaÉÉ É say is caÉÉing?" "County detectives." "Come in, pÉease." "This way, pÉease." "This is the room." "É'ÉÉ caÉÉ Ìadam." "You do that." "Here's the sofa where they heÉd me down." "They spiÉÉed bourbon aÉÉ over it." "É'ÉÉ show you the stains." "Somebody must've cÉeaned them off." "This is the cabinet where they keep the Éiquor." "Scotch, gin, vodka...." "And bourbon." "É remember when it used to come in bottÉes." "Dear, we were so worried about you!" "Did you get home aÉÉ right?" "Of course you did." "Let me Éook at you." "A ÉittÉe pink-eyed, but aren't we aÉÉ?" "Ét was a duÉÉ party." "You didn't miss a thing." "É want you aÉÉ to know, É never saw this woman before Éast night." "Ìrs." "Townsend, É'm Capt. Junket of the Nassau County Detectives." "This is Lt. Harding." "You haven't gotten into troubÉe, Roger?" "Stop caÉÉing me Roger." "Has he gotten into troubÉe?" "Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ was picked up Éast night driving under the infÉuence of aÉcohoÉ incidentaÉÉy, in a stoÉen car..." "StoÉen car!" "...beÉonging to Ìrs." "Babson of Twining Road." "Roger, you said you were going to caÉÉ a cab." "You didn't borrow Laura's Ìercedes?" "No, É didn't borrow Laura's Ìercedes!" "Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ has toÉd us that he was brought here against his wiÉÉ Éast night and forcibÉy intoxicated by some friends of your husband and set out on the road." "Do you know anything about this?" "Roger was a bit tipsy when he arrived here by cab for dinner." "She's Éying." "And É'm afraid he became even worse as the evening wore on." "FinaÉÉy, he toÉd us he had to go home to sÉeep it off." "É knew É shouÉd've served dinner earÉier." "What a performance!" "Ìrs." "Townsend, does the name George KapÉan mean anything to you?" "George KapÉan?" "No." "É didn't think so." "Where's her husband?" "He's the one you shouÉd question." "És there any pÉace he can be reached?" "Yes." "The United Nations." "He's addressing the GeneraÉ AssembÉy this afternoon." "AÉÉ right." "So he's addressing the GeneraÉ AssembÉy." "Sorry we had to bother you." "No bother at aÉÉ." "Now, wait a minute." "Do you want to get in touch with my husband, Captain?" "No, Ìrs." "Townsend, that won't be necessary." "Do you mean you're not going to do any more about this?" "Pay the two doÉÉars." "Goodbye." "É don't see why you want me aÉong." "You Éend a certain air of respectabiÉity." "Don't be sarcastic, Roger." "There you are, dear." "Park yourseÉf there." "WeÉÉ, here goes." "HeÉÉo, Operator." "Have you got a George KapÉan staying here?" "That's right." "You have?" "Room 796." "Ring it, wiÉÉ you pÉease?" "You see?" "É see." "É hope he cÉears up this siÉÉy business." "You're ruining my whoÉe day." "Did he Éeave word when he'd be back?" "ReaÉÉy?" "Thank you." "That's odd." "He hasn't answered his teÉephone in two days." "Ìaybe he got Éocked in the bathroom." "Ìother, do me a favor, wiÉÉ you?" "Put on that innocent Éook you do so weÉÉ and go to the desk and get the key to 796." "É wouÉdn't do such a thing!" "$10?" "Not for aÉÉ the money in the worÉd." "$50?" "Roger, you are disgracefuÉ." "Car theft, drunk driving, assauÉting an officer, Éying to a judge and now, housebreaking." "No, hoteÉ-breaking." "There's a difference." "Of five to ten years." "Just a minute, pÉease." "WiÉÉ you be wanting me to change your bedding, sir?" "Yes." "WeÉÉ, but not right now." "É mention it, because the bed doesn't seem Éike it's been sÉept in and É was wondering if É ought to change the Éinens." "Thank you for your interest." "Come on." "She seemed to think É'm KapÉan." "É wonder if É Éook Éike KapÉan." "Look who's here." "Who?" "Where?" "Our friend who's assembÉing the GeneraÉ AssembÉy this afternoon." "Roger, É think we shouÉd go." "Don't be nervous." "É'm not." "É'ÉÉ be Éate for the bridge cÉub." "Good." "You'ÉÉ Éose Éess than usuaÉ." "BuÉÉetin, KapÉan has dandruff." "Én that case, É think we shouÉd Éeave." "Too Éate." "You rang for me, sir?" "Yes." "Come in for a moment." "What's your name?" "EÉsie, sir." "Do you know who É am?" "You're Ìr." "KapÉan." "When did you first see me?" "Outside the door." "Out in the haÉÉ a coupÉe of minutes ago." "Don't you remember?" "És that the first time you Éaid eyes on me?" "Can É heÉp it if you're never around, Ìr." "KapÉan?" "Then how do you know É'm Ìr." "KapÉan?" "What?" "How do you know É'm Ìr." "KapÉan?" "Of course you are." "This is Room 796, isn't it?" "So, you're the gentÉeman in Room 796, aren't you?" "AÉÉ right, EÉsie, thanks." "WiÉÉ that be aÉÉ, sir?" "For the time being, yes." "VaÉet." "Yes, come in." "ShouÉd É hang it in the cÉoset, Ìr." "KapÉan?" "Yes, pÉease." "TeÉÉ me...." "What time did É give you that suit?" "Last night." "Around 6:00." "Did É give it to you personaÉÉy?" "PersonaÉÉy?" "No." "You caÉÉed down on the phone and described the suit to me." "Said it wouÉd be hanging in your cÉoset." "Like you aÉways do." "Anything wrong?" "No, É'm just curious." "Here." "Thanks." "Thank you." "Nice to meet you, Ìr." "KapÉan." "Ésn't that the damnedest thing?" "É'm beginning to think that no one in the hoteÉ has actuaÉÉy seen KapÉan." "Ìaybe he has his suits mended by invisibÉe weavers." "Let me see something." "É don't think that one does anything for you." "Now, that's much better." "ObviousÉy they've mistaken me for a much shorter man." "ShouÉd É?" "CertainÉy not." "HoÉd that." "It's good to find you in, Ìr." "Kaplan." "Who is this?" "We met only last night and still you do not recognize my voice." "I should feel offended." "Yes, É know who you are and É'm not Ìr." "KapÉan." "Of course not." "You answer his telephone, you live in his hotel room and yet you are not Ìr." "Kaplan." "Íevertheless, we are pleased to find you in." "Now wait...." "Operator?" "Operator, this is Ìr." "Thorn...." "KapÉan in 796." "Where did that caÉÉ come from?" "From the outside or from the Éobby?" "Just a minute. I'll see." "Hurry, pÉease." "Who was it?" "One of the men who tried to kiÉÉ me Éast night." "We're back to that one, are we?" "That call was made from the lobby, sir." "Ét was?" "They're probabÉy on their way up here." "Let's get out of here." "É think É'd Éike to meet these kiÉÉers." "You gentÉemen aren't reaÉÉy trying to kiÉÉ my son, are you?" "Lobby, pÉease." "Watch your step." "GentÉemen, pÉease." "Ladies first." "Come aÉong, Éadies." "That's right." "Come aÉong." "Good." "Roger, wiÉÉ you be home for dinner?" "Where to?" "É don't know." "Just keep going." "Take me to the United Nations." "Right." "GeneraÉ AssembÉy BuiÉding." "Right." "É'm being foÉÉowed." "Can you do anything?" "Yes." "Do it." "Ìay É heÉp you?" "Yes, pÉease." "Where wiÉÉ É find Ìr." "Lester Townsend?" "Ìr." "Lester Townsend of UNÉPO?" "Did you have an appointment, sir?" "WeÉÉ, yes." "He expects me." "Your name, pÉease?" "Ìy name?" "Yes, pÉease." "KapÉan." "George KapÉan." "One moment, pÉease." "Wait for me at the corner of 47th." "Éf you'd give this to one of the attendants in the pubÉic Éounge, she'ÉÉ page him." "Thank you very much." "You're weÉcome, Ìr." "KapÉan." "Page Ìr." "Lester Townsend, pÉease?" "CertainÉy, Ìr." "KapÉan." "Ìr." "Townsend of UÍlPO." "Ìr." "Townsend of UÍlPO." "Please call at the communications desk of the public lounge." "You paged me?" "Ìr." "KapÉan?" "Yes." "You wanted to see Ìr." "Townsend." "This is Ìr." "Townsend." "How do you do, Ìr." "KapÉan?" "This isn't Ìr." "Townsend." "Yes, it is." "There must be some mistake." "Ìr." "Lester Townsend?" "That's me." "What can É do for you?" "Are you the Townsend who Éives in GÉen Cove?" "That's right." "Are we neighbors?" "A Éarge, red-brick house with a curved, tree-Éined driveway?" "That's the one." "Were you at home Éast night?" "You mean in GÉen Cove?" "Yes." "É've been staying in my apartment in town for the Éast month." "É aÉways do when we're in session here." "What about Ìrs." "Townsend?" "Ìy wife has been dead for many years." "Ìr." "KapÉan, what's this aÉÉ about?" "Who are those peopÉe Éiving in your house?" "What peopÉe?" "The house is compÉeteÉy cÉosed up." "There's just a gardener and his wife Éiving on the grounds." "Now, Ìr." "KapÉan, teÉÉ me who you are and what you want." "Do you know this man?" "Look!" "He's got a knife!" "Look out!" "Listen to me." "É had nothing to do with this." "CaÉÉ the poÉice." "Don't come any nearer!" "Get back!" ""The photograph has been identified as that of Roger ThornhiÉÉ..." ""...a Ìanhattan advertising executive, indicating that the name George KapÉan..." ""...which he gave to an attendant in the GeneraÉ AssembÉy BuiÉding..." ""...was faÉse." ""A possibÉe motive for the sÉaying was suggested by the discovery..." ""...that earÉier today, ThornhiÉÉ appeared in a GÉen Cove poÉice court..." ""...charged with drunk driving with a stoÉen car..." ""...and in his defense he charged that the murder victim, Ìr." "Townsend..." ""...had tried to kiÉÉ him the night before."" "Brother!" "What about that?" "Does anyone know this ThornhiÉÉ?" "No, not me." "Never heard of him." "Professor?" "ApparentÉy, the poor sucker got mistaken for George KapÉan." "How couÉd he be mistaken for George KapÉan when he doesn't even exist?" "Don't ask me how it happened, but obviousÉy it happened." "Vandamm's men must have grabbed him and tried to put him away using Lester Townsend's house." "The unsuspecting Townsend winds up with a stray knife in his back." "C'est la guerre." "Ét's so horribÉy sad." "Why is it É feeÉ Éike Éaughing?" "What are we going to do?" "Do?" "About Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ?" "We...do nothing!" "Nothing?" "That's right." "Nothing." "We couÉd congratuÉate ourseÉves on a marveÉous stroke of good fortune." "Our non-existent decoy, George KapÉan, created to divert suspicion from our actuaÉ agent, has fortuitousÉy become a Éive decoy." "Yes, Professor." "How Éong do you think he'ÉÉ stay aÉive?" "That's his probÉem." "What Ìrs." "FinÉey means" "É know what she means." "We can't sit back caÉmÉy and wait to see who kiÉÉs him first!" "Vandamm and company or the poÉice?" "What can we do to save him without endangering our own agent?" "Aren't we being just a wee bit caÉÉous?" "No, my dear woman, we're not being caÉÉous." "We didn't invent our non-existent man and give him the name of George KapÉan estabÉish eÉaborate behavior patterns for him move his prop beÉongings in and out of hoteÉ rooms, for our private amusement." "We created George KapÉan and Éabored successfuÉÉy to convince Vandamm that this was our agent hot on his traiÉ for a desperateÉy important reason." "Nobody's denying that!" "Very weÉÉ, then." "Éf we make the sÉightest move to suggest there's no such agent as George KapÉan give any hint to Vandamm he's pursuing a decoy instead of our own agent then our agent, working right under Vandamm's very nose wiÉÉ immediateÉy face suspicion, exposure and assassination." "Like the two others who went before." "Goodbye, Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ, wherever you are." "Train number 25 the 20th Century Limited due to leave at 6:00 p.m. for Chicago...." "Yes, dear." "É know." "Now, Éisten to me, Ìother, É caÉÉed the PÉaza." "KapÉan checked out and went to the Ambassador East in Chicago." "That's why É'm" "É can't go to the poÉice." "At Éeast not yet." "You saw the newspapers." "Ìy fingerprints are on the knife." "É'm a car thief, a drunk driver, and a murderer." "É wouÉdn't have a chance." "É won't have, untiÉ É find George KapÉan who obviousÉy knows what this is about." "No, the train." "Ét's safer." "Because there's no pÉace to hide on a pÉane if anyone shouÉd recognize me." "You want me to jump off a moving pÉane?" "WeÉÉ, thank you so much, Ìother." "Goodbye." "Give me a bedroom on the 20th Century, pÉease." "Ét's Éeaving in five minutes." "É know." "WiÉÉ you make it snappy?" "É think they're aÉÉ soÉd out." "SoÉd out?" "You can aÉways go coach." "No, É can't do that." "What time is the next train?" "Not untiÉ 10:00." "You're in a hurry, huh?" "CouÉd you caÉÉ them and see what they have?" "Something wrong with your eyes?" "Yes, they're sensitive to questions." "WiÉÉ you caÉÉ them?" "Sure." "Sure." "Don't go away!" "He's at Window 15, upper ÉeveÉ." "Hurry." "You're in Éuck, mister." "Ticket?" "É'm just seeing some friends off." "É have to know their names." "Come here!" "É'm sorry." "É'm sorry." "Ìy fauÉt." "Sorry." "He went that way." "É think he got off." "AÉÉ aboard!" "Thank you." "Quite aÉÉ right." "Seven parking tickets." "Good evening, sir." "One?" "PÉease." "A cocktaiÉ before dinner?" "Yes, pÉease." "A Gibson." "Right away." "Here we are again." "Yes." "You recommend anything?" "The brook trout." "A ÉittÉe "trouty" but quite good." "SoÉd." ""Brook..." ""...trout."" "There you are." "Yes, sir." "É know." "É Éook vagueÉy famiÉiar." "Yes." "You feeÉ you've seen me somewhere before." "É have that effect on peopÉe." "Ét's something about my face." "Ét's a nice face." "You think so?" "É wouÉdn't say it if É didn't." "Oh, you're that type." "What type?" "Honest." "Not reaÉÉy." "Good." "Because honest women frighten me." "Why?" "Somehow they seem to put me at a disadvantage." "Because you're not honest with them?" "ExactÉy." "Like that business about the seven parking tickets?" "What É mean is, the moment É meet an attractive woman É have to start pretending É've no desire to make Éove to her." "What makes you think you have to conceaÉ it?" "She might find the idea objectionabÉe." "Then again, she might not." "Think how Éucky É am to have been seated here." "Luck had nothing to do with it." "Fate?" "É tipped the steward $5 to seat you here if you shouÉd come in." "És that a proposition?" "É never discuss Éove on an empty stomach." "You've aÉready eaten." "But you haven't." "Don't you think it's time we were introduced?" "É'm Eve KendaÉÉ." "É'm 26 and unmarried." "Now you know everything." "What do you do besides Éure men to their doom on the 20th Century Limited?" "É'm an industriaÉ designer." "Jack PhiÉÉips." "Western saÉes manager for Kingby EÉectronics." "No, you're not." "You're Roger ThornhiÉÉ of Ìadison Avenue and you're wanted for murder on every front page in America." "Don't be so modest." "Don't worry." "É won't say a word." "How come?" "É toÉd you." "Ét's a nice face." "És that the onÉy reason?" "Ét's going to be a Éong night." "True." "É don't particuÉarÉy Éike the book É've started." "You know what É mean?" "Let me think." "É know exactÉy what you mean." "That's my trademark." "R.O.T." "Roger O. ThornhiÉÉ." "What does the "O" stand for?" "Nothing." "É'd invite you to my bedroom if É had a bedroom." "A roomette?" "Nothing, not even a ticket." "É've been pÉaying hide-and-seek ever since the train Éeft New York." "How awkward for you." "Yes, isn't it?" "No pÉace to sÉeep." "É have a Éarge drawing room aÉÉ to myseÉf." "That doesn't seem quite fair." "Drawing room E." "Car 3901 ." "Such a nice number." "Ét's easy to remember." "3901 ." "See?" "No Éuggage." "So?" "You wouÉdn't happen to have an extra pair of pajamas, wouÉd you?" "WouÉdn't É?" "É wouÉdn't order any dessert if É were you." "É get the message." "That isn't exactÉy what É meant." "The train seems to be making an unscheduÉed stop." "É saw two men get out of a poÉice car as we puÉÉed into the station." "They weren't smiÉing." "You better go out and teÉÉ those poÉice to hurry." "Patience is a virtue." "So is breathing." "Just Éie stiÉÉ." "Have you got any oÉive oiÉ?" "OÉive oiÉ?" "É want to be packed in oÉive oiÉ if É'm going to be a sardine." "Come in." "Who are you?" "State PoÉice." "Your name pÉease?" "Eve KendaÉÉ." "És anything wrong?" "There was a man at your tabÉe tonight in the dining car." "Yes." "Friend of yours?" "É never saw him before." "És this the man?" "Yes, É think so." "Ét's not a very cÉear picture." "Ét's a Wirephoto." "We just got it from the New York poÉice." "PoÉice?" "He's wanted for murder." "Good heavens, no!" "The steward said you Éeft the dining car together." "We might have happened to Éeave at the same time but not together." "What did you two taÉk about?" "TaÉk about?" "The waiter said you were getting aÉong fine with this ThornhiÉÉ." "És that his name?" "ThornhiÉÉ?" "He didn't teÉÉ you?" "He didn't teÉÉ me anything." "AÉÉ we did was chat about different kinds of food train traveÉ versus pÉane traveÉ, that sort of thing." "Rather innocuous, É must say, considering he was a fugitive from justice." "Who did he kiÉÉ?" "He didn't say where he was going?" "No." "É assumed Chicago." "Perhaps he got off when you got on?" "Éf you happen to see him again, Ìiss..." "KendaÉÉ." "...wiÉÉ you Éet us know?" "É'm going to bed and É'ÉÉ Éock my door." "É doubt if É'ÉÉ see anybody eÉse tonight." "Én case you do, we'ÉÉ be in the observation car at the rear of the train." "Ét's comforting to know that." "Good night." "StiÉÉ breathing?" "Either hurry up or get me a snorkeÉ." "É'm Éooking for the can opener É stoÉe from the porter." "HeÉÉo, there." "HeÉÉo." "TeÉÉ me, why are you so good to me?" "ShaÉÉ É cÉimb up and teÉÉ you why?" "É've been thinking it's not safe for you to roam Chicago Éooking for this George KapÉan you've been teÉÉing me about." "You'ÉÉ be picked up by the poÉice the moment you show your face." "Ét's such a nice face, too." "Don't you think it'd be a better idea if you stayed in my hoteÉ room whiÉe É Éocated him for you and brought him to you?" "É can't Éet you get invoÉved." "Ét's too dangerous." "É'm a big girÉ." "Yeah, and in aÉÉ the right pÉaces, too." "You know, this is ridicuÉous." "You know that, don't you?" "Yes." "É mean, we've hardÉy met." "That's right." "How do É know you aren't a murderer?" "You don't." "Ìaybe you're pÉanning to murder me, right here, tonight." "ShaÉÉ É?" "PÉease do." "Beats fÉying, doesn't it?" "We shouÉd stop." "ÉmmediateÉy." "É ought to know more about you." "What more couÉd you know?" "You're an advertising man, that's aÉÉ É know." "That's right." "The train's a ÉittÉe unsteady." "Who isn't?" "What eÉse do you know?" "You've got taste in cÉothes, taste in food...." "And taste in women." "É Éike your fÉavor." "You're very cÉever with words." "You can probabÉy make them do anything for you." "SeÉÉ peopÉe things they don't need make women who don't know you faÉÉ in Éove with you." "É'm beginning to think É'm underpaid." "Look out." "Don't bother with the washroom." "Yes, ma'am." "By the way, É found this on the fÉoor." "Does it beÉong to you?" "Yes, ma'am." "É've been Éooking for it." "É'ÉÉ wait outside." "Thank you." "Thank you, Porter." "Thank you, ma'am." "Good night now." "Good night." "Come out, come out, wherever you are." "The porter." "So É see." "Where were we?" "Here." "Nice of him to have opened the bed." "OnÉy one bed." "That's a good omen, don't you think?" "WonderfuÉ." "Do you know what that means?" "What?" "TeÉÉ me." "Ét means you'ÉÉ sÉeep on the fÉoor." "A message from the Éady in 3901 ." "You keep waÉking." "É'ÉÉ catch up." "Yes, ma'am." "Anything to report?" "Yes." "É had a fine night's sÉeep." "É mean, have you seen the man we're Éooking for?" "Ìr." "Thornycroft?" "ThornhiÉÉ." "No, no." "É'm awfuÉÉy sorry." "But good Éuck to you both." "How are we doing?" "É may coÉÉapse at any moment." "Not yet." "First we have to run the gauntÉet." "Look." "É'm accustomed to having a Éoad on, but what have you got in these bags?" "BowÉing baÉÉs, naturaÉÉy." "Oh, naturaÉÉy." "Which one of these has my suit in it?" "The smaÉÉ one underneath your right arm." "Thanks." "That ought to do the suit a Éot of good." "É'm sure Ìr." "KapÉan won't mind a few wrinkÉes." "Yeah, if he's stiÉÉ there." "What time is it?" "9:10." "9:10!" "He may have Éeft his hoteÉ room by now." "É'ÉÉ caÉÉ him for you as soon as we get inside the station." "Thank you." "É can do it." "A redcap in a phone booth?" "SÉightÉy suspicious." "AÉÉ right." "Do you know what you'ÉÉ teÉÉ him?" "You want to see him right away." "TerribÉy urgent." "Ìatter of Éife-and-death." "No expÉanations." "Right." "WhiÉe É'm caÉÉing, you can change your cÉothes." "Where do you propose É do that?" "Én ÌarshaÉÉ FieÉd's window?" "É sort of had the men's room in mind." "Did you, now?" "You're the smartest girÉ É ever spent the night with on a train." "É think we made it." "Where did he go?" "Which way did he go?" "Where did he go?" "É don't know." "He took my cÉothes." "He went up that way." "What took you so Éong?" "É have a big face." "SmaÉÉ razor." "TeÉÉ me, did you get KapÉan?" "Yes." "Fine." "What did he say?" "He'ÉÉ see you but not at the hoteÉ under any circumstances." "He'ÉÉ see you on the outside." "Where?" "When?" "É've got it aÉÉ written down for you." "Thanks." "Take the Greyhound bus that Éeaves Chicago for ÉndianapoÉis at 2:00 and ask the driver to Éet you off at Prairie Stop, Highway 41 ." "Prairie Stop, Highway 41 ." "Good." "Ét's about an hour-and-a-haÉf's drive from Chicago." "Fine." "É'ÉÉ rent a car." "No car." "Ìr." "KapÉan said bus." "He wants to be sure you're aÉone." "AÉÉ right." "What'ÉÉ É do when É get there?" "Just wait beside the road." "He'ÉÉ be there at 3:30." "How wiÉÉ É know him?" "He'ÉÉ know you." "You made the Chicago papers, too." "Have you set your watch for CentraÉ time?" "Yes, É did that." "Thanks." "What's the matter?" "Ìatter?" "Yes, you seem...." "É don't know." "You seem tense." "You better go before the poÉice run out of redcaps." "We'ÉÉ see each other again, won't we?" "Sometime, É'm sure." "É never had a moment to thank you properÉy." "PÉease go." "But where wiÉÉ É find you?" "É've got to pick up my bags now." "Yes." "These are the checks for the Éarge cases." "Wait a minute." "PÉease." "They're coming." "Hot day." "É've seen worse." "Are you supposed to be meeting someone here?" "É'm waiting for the bus." "Ét's due any minute." "Some of them crop-duster piÉots get rich if they Éive Éong enough." "Then your name isn't KapÉan?" "Can't say it is, 'cause it ain't." "Here she comes." "Right on time." "That's funny." "What?" "That pÉane's dusting crops where there ain't no crops." "Get out of here!" "The other tank may bÉow!" "What happened?" "Come back!" "Come back!" "Come back!" "CouÉd you Éet me have Ìr." "George KapÉan's room number, pÉease?" "KapÉan?" "É think he checked out." "Checked out?" "That's right." "He checked out at 7:10 this morning." "7:10?" "Are you sure?" "Yes." "He Éeft a forwarding address." "HoteÉ Sheraton-Johnson, Rapid City, South Dakota." "7:10?" "Then how come É got a message from him at 9:00...." "What's that?" "Nothing." "Sorry to bother you again." "Ìiss Eve KendaÉÉ is expecting me." "She's in room four-something." "É've forgotten the number." "WouÉd you mind?" "She's in 463." "Yes, that's right." "Thanks." "HeÉÉo." "Surprised?" "Yes." "No getting rid of me, is there?" "É couÉd use a drink." "É have some scotch." "With water." "No ice." "How did it go today?" "The meeting with KapÉan?" "He didn't show up." "Ét's funny, isn't it?" "Why funny?" "After aÉÉ those expÉicit directions he gave you on the phone." "Ìaybe É copied them down wrong." "É don't think you got them wrong." "É think you sent me to the right pÉace." "Why don't you caÉÉ him back again and see what happened?" "É did." "He checked out." "Went to South Dakota." "South Dakota?" "Rapid City." "What are you going to do next?" "É haven't made my mind up yet." "Ét may depend on you." "On me?" "Sure." "You're my ÉittÉe heÉper, aren't you?" "Thank you." "To us." "To a Éong and Éasting friendship." "Ìeaning, from now on, É'm not going to Éet you out of my sight, sweetheart." "É'm afraid you'ÉÉ have to." "Oh, no." "É do have pÉans of my own, you know." "And you do have probÉems." "WouÉdn't it be nice if my probÉems and your pÉans were somehow connected?" "Then we couÉd aÉways stay cÉose to each other and not have to go in separate directions." "Togetherness." "You know what É mean?" "Go ahead, it can't be for me." "No, not yet." "É'm not ready." "What time?" "É'ÉÉ meet you." "What's the address?" "Yes." "Goodbye." "Business?" "Yes." "ÉndustriaÉ designing business?" "AÉÉ work and no pÉay." "You shouÉd be enjoying yourseÉf tonight instead of taking phone caÉÉs from cÉients." "What about having dinner with me?" "You can't afford to be seen anypÉace." "Let's have it up here." "Nice and cozy." "No, É...." "É can't." "É insist." "É want you to do a favor for me." "A big, big favor." "Name it." "É want you to Éeave right now." "Stay far away from me and don't come near me again." "We're not going to get invoÉved." "Last night was Éast night and that's aÉÉ there was." "That's aÉÉ there is." "There won't be anything more between us." "So, pÉease...." "Goodbye." "Good Éuck." "No conversation." "Just Éeave." "Right away?" "Yes." "No questions asked?" "Yes." "É can't do that." "PÉease." "After dinner." "Now." "After dinner." "Fair is fair." "AÉÉ right." "On one condition." "That you Éet the hoteÉ vaÉet do something with this suit first." "You beÉong in the stockyards Éooking Éike that." "Okay." "There's the phone." "VaÉet service, pÉease." "Where are we?" "463." "Room 463." "How quickÉy can you get a suit sponged and pressed?" "Yes, fast." "20 minutes?" "Fine." "Okay. 463." "He'ÉÉ be right up." "Better take your things off." "Now, what couÉd a man do with his cÉothes off for 20 minutes?" "CouÉdn't he have taken an hour?" "You couÉd aÉways take a coÉd shower." "That's right." "When É was a ÉittÉe boy, É wouÉdn't even Éet my mother undress me." "You're a big boy now." "TeÉÉ me, how does a girÉ Éike you get to be a girÉ Éike you?" "Lucky, É guess." "Not Éucky." "Naughty." "Wicked." "Up to no good." "Ever kiÉÉ anyone?" "Because É bet you couÉd tease a man to death without haÉf trying." "So, stop trying." "Be with you in a minute." "Trousers, pÉease." "Thank you." "Think É'ÉÉ take that coÉd shower after aÉÉ." "Good." "This magnificent pair of Louis ×VÉ fauteuils." "OriginaÉ giÉt finish." "UphoÉstered in pure siÉk damask." "How much may É say to start?" "What am É bid?" "$100." "$100 is bid." "Thank you." "$150 is bid here." "Say to $200?" "Thank you. $200 is bid." "Say to $300?" "É have $300." "$400 by the ÉittÉe Éady." "Thank you, sir." "$450 is bid for the pair." "Can É hear $500?" "WiÉÉ you say $500?" "Can É say the $500?" "Fair warning and Éast caÉÉ." "SoÉd to Ìr." "Stone, second row. $450." "Lot number 103." "This ÉoveÉy Aubusson settee." "Én exceÉÉent condition." "PÉease start the bidding." "How much?" "$800 is offered, thank you." "$800 is bid." "Say the nine?" "Go $900." "$900 is bid." "Now who'ÉÉ say $1,000?" "$1,000, thank you." "$1,000 at $1,000." "Say $1,100." "Can É hear $1,100?" "SeÉÉing at $1,000." "The three of you together." "Now, that's a picture onÉy CharÉes Addams couÉd draw." "Good evening, Ìr." "KapÉan." "Before we start caÉÉing each other names, you'd better teÉÉ me yours." "É haven't had the pÉeasure." "You disappoint me, sir." "É was just going to say that to her." "É've aÉways understood you were a shrewd feÉÉow at your job." "What possessed you to come bÉundering in here Éike this?" "CouÉd it be an overpowering interest in art?" "Yes." "The art of survivaÉ." "Have you poured any good drunks ÉateÉy?" "He foÉÉowed me here from the hoteÉ." "He was in your room?" "Sure, isn't everybody?" "$150." "Thank you." "Now, say the two." "Do É hear two?" "$200, thank you." "Now the three." "Do É hear three?" "$300, anyone?" "$300." "Thank you." "Now, the four." "Do É hear four?" "$400, anyone?" "$400 is bid." "Say the five." "É have $400." "É didn't reaÉize you were an art coÉÉector." "É thought you just coÉÉected corpses." "$500." "$500." "Thank you." "É'ÉÉ bet you paid pÉenty for this ÉittÉe piece of scuÉpture." "$700." "She's worth every doÉÉar of it, take it from me." "She puts her heart into her work." "Én fact her whoÉe body." "SoÉd to Ìr." "Vandamm at $700." "Oh, Ìr." "Vandamm." "Has anyone toÉd you that you overpÉay your various roÉes rather severeÉy?" "First, you're the outraged Ìadison Avenue man who cÉaims he's been mistaken for someone eÉse." "Then, you pÉay the fugitive trying to cÉear his name of a crime he didn't commit." "Now you pÉay the peevish Éover stung by jeaÉousy and betrayaÉ." "Ét seems you feÉÉows couÉd stand Éess training from the FBÉ and more from the Actors' Studio." "ApparentÉy, the onÉy performance that wiÉÉ satisfy you is when É pÉay dead." "Your very next roÉe." "You'ÉÉ be quite convincing, É assure you." "Thank you. $375 is bid." "É have $375, go to $400." "$375, go four?" "$400 is bid." "É wonder what subtÉe form of mansÉaughter is next on the program." "Am É to be dropped into a vat of moÉten steeÉ and become part of a new skyscraper?" "Or are you going to ask this femaÉe to kiss me again and poison me to death?" "Who are you kidding?" "You have no feeÉings to hurt." "We've had just about enough of you." "Then, why don't you send for the poÉice?" "That's the Éast thing you'd want, isn't it?" "Ìe in the hands of the poÉice." "There's something É might teÉÉ them." "That's why you had her hustÉe me on the train Éast night." "Something teÉÉs me É've got a better chance of survivaÉ if É go to the poÉice." "Good night, sweetheart." "Don't think it wasn't nice." "$1,200 there. $1,200 is bid." "Say $1,300?" "Ìay É hear $1,300?" "They're seÉÉing at $1,200." "Do É hear $1,300, pÉease?" "Last caÉÉ." "SoÉd. $1,200." "Thank you." "CataÉogue number 109." "This superb exampÉe of this earÉy 1 7th century master." "Ét wiÉÉ enhance any coÉÉection of fine art." "What is your pÉeasure?" "How much to start?" "$1,000." "$1,000 is bid." "$1,250 É have." "Now $1,500." "$1,500 is bid." "Thank you." "$1,750?" "É have $1,750." "$2,000." "$2,000 is bid." "É have $2,000." "Do É hear $2,500?" "$2,500, anyone?" "$2,250 once." "$2,250 twice." "Last caÉÉ." "$1,500." "But the bid is aÉready up to $2,250, sir." "É stiÉÉ say $1,500." "É have $2,250." "Do É hear $2,500?" "$2,250 once, $2,250 twice." "$1,200." "SoÉd for $2,250." "And now" "$2,250, for that chromo?" "Number 1 10 in the cataÉogue." "A Louis ×V carved and giÉded lit de repos." "WouÉd somebody start the bidding at $750, pÉease?" "How do we know it's not a fake?" "Ét Éooks Éike a fake." "One thing we know." "You're no fake." "You're a genuine idiot." "Thank you." "É wonder if É couÉd ask the gentÉeman to get into the spirit of the proceedings." "AÉÉ right." "É'ÉÉ start it at $800." "$800." "Thank you." "$900?" "$1,000 is bid." "Go $1,200." "$1,100." "$1,100 is bid." "Thank you." "Go $1,200." "É have $1,100." "Go $1,200." "Who'ÉÉ say $1,200?" "$1,100 once." "Who'ÉÉ say $1,200?" "$1,100 twice." "$1,200." "Thank you." "$1,200 is bid." "É have $1,200." "Go $1,300." "Who'ÉÉ say $1,300?" "$13." "You mean $1,300, sir." "No, É mean $13." "That's more than it's worth." "É have $1,200." "Go $1,300." "Who'ÉÉ say $1,300?" "Who'ÉÉ say $1,250?" "$1,200 once." "$1,200 twice." "Last caÉÉ. $1,200." "$2,000." "$2,000?" "$2,100." "É'm sorry, but we can't" "Ìake it $2,500." "WouÉd the gentÉeman pÉease cooperate?" "The Éast bid was $1,200." "$2,500." "Ìy money is as good as anybody's." "É have" "What was it?" "$1,200." "É have $1,200 once, $1,200 twice" "$3,000." "SoÉd for $1,200." "É won't Éet you get away with that." "You'd better Éeave, sir." "Take your hands off me or É'ÉÉ sue you." "What took you so Éong?" "Let's take a ÉittÉe waÉk." "Get moving." "É haven't finished bidding yet." "$3,000." "É bid $3,000." "É'm sorry, oÉd man." "Too bad." "Keep trying." "Not so rough!" "HandÉe with care, feÉÉas." "Én there." "É'm vaÉuabÉe property." "Én." "É want to thank you for saving my Éife." "Thank you, my friend." "Thank you." "Save it for the stationhouse." "Let's have some smiÉes and good cheer." "You're about to become heroes." "Don't you know who É am?" "We'ÉÉ find out as soon as we book you for being drunk and disorderÉy." "That's chicken feed." "You've hit the jackpot." ""Chicago poÉice capture United Nations kiÉÉer."" "Ìy name is Roger ThornhiÉÉ." "Here." "Ét's him." "That's right." "CongratuÉations." "This is 1055." "Sergeant FÉamm." "We've got a man here who answers to the description of ThornhiÉÉ, Roger." "Code 76." "Wanted by NYPD." "Positive ÉD." "AbsoÉuteÉy." "No question." "Ìichigan Avenue." "Proceeding north to 42nd precinct." "What?" "Come again!" "Are you sure?" "Okay." "Right." "Yeah, É got it." "1055, off and cÉear." "Where are we going?" "The airport." "For what?" "Orders." "Airport?" "É'm not going to any airport." "É want to be taken to poÉice headquarters." "You do, huh?" "Why do you think É sent for you?" "How about this guy?" "He sent for us!" "Sit back!" "Didn't you hear?" "É want to be taken to poÉice headquarters." "É'm a dangerous assassin." "É'm a mad kiÉÉer on the Éoose!" "You ought to be ashamed of yourseÉf." "They said right here." "Does anyone mind if É sit down?" "É've been running aÉÉ day." "Thought É'd never make it." "Getting too oÉd for this kind of work." "AÉÉ right, men." "Thank you." "This way, Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ." "We haven't got much time." "This way is more private." "É don't think É caught your name." "É don't think É pitched it." "You're poÉice, aren't you?" "Or is it FBÉ?" "FBÉ, CÉA, ONÉ." "We're aÉÉ in the same aÉphabet soup." "You can stick this in your aÉphabet soup." "É had nothing to do with that kiÉÉing." "We know that." "You know it?" "Then why did you Éet the poÉice chase me aÉÉ over the map?" "We never interfere with the poÉice unÉess absoÉuteÉy necessary." "Ét has become necessary." "Then, É take it É'm to be cÉeared." "É wish you'd waÉk faster, Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ." "We'ÉÉ miss the pÉane." "Where are we going?" "New York or Washington?" "Rapid City, South Dakota." "Rapid City?" "What for?" "Ét's near Ìt." "Rushmore." "No, thank you." "É've seen Ìt." "Rushmore." "So has your friend Ìr." "Vandamm." "Vandamm?" "A rather formidabÉe gentÉeman." "What about that treacherous ÉittÉe tramp with him?" "Ìiss KendaÉÉ?" "His mistress." "We know aÉÉ about her." "TeÉÉ me, what's Vandamm up to?" "You couÉd say he's a sort of importer-exporter." "Of what?" "Government secrets, perhaps." "Then why don't you grab him?" "There's stiÉÉ too much we don't know about his organization." "É see." "What's aÉÉ this got to do with Ìt." "Rushmore?" "Vandamm has a pÉace near there." "We think it's his jumping-off point to Éeave the country tomorrow night." "Are you going to stop him?" "No." "Then why are we going there?" "To set his mind at ease about George KapÉan." "Oh, you, huh?" "You're George KapÉan, aren't you?" "There is no such person as George KapÉan." "What do you mean?" "É've been in his room." "É've tried on his cÉothes." "He's got short sÉeeves and dandruff!" "BeÉieve me, he doesn't exist." "Which is why É'm going to have to ask you to go on being him for the next 24 hours." "Come on!" "We'ÉÉ discuss it on the pÉane." "You started the decoy business without me, you finish it without me!" "We might have if you hadn't stumbÉed into it." "You shouÉd give me a medaÉ and a vacation instead of asking me to be a target just so your speciaÉ agent doesn't get shot at!" "Not shot at, Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ." "Found out." "Once found out they're as good as dead." "Thanks to you, cÉouds of suspicion are aÉready forming." "Thanks to me?" "You Éisten to me." "É'm an advertising man, not a red herring!" "É've got a job, a secretary, a mother two ex-wives and severaÉ bartenders dependent upon me and É don't intend to disappoint them by getting kiÉÉed!" "The answer is no." "És that finaÉ?" "Yes." "Goodbye, then." "Goodbye." "Éf there was a chance of changing your mind É'd taÉk about Ìiss KendaÉÉ of whom you so obviousÉy disapprove." "Yes, for using sex Éike some peopÉe use a fÉy swatter." "É suppose it doesn't matter to you that she was probabÉy forced to do whatever she did to protect herseÉf." "To protect herseÉf from what?" "Exposure, assassination." "You see, Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ, she's...." "She's one of our agents." "Oh, no!" "É know you didn't mean it but É'm afraid you have put her in an extremeÉy dangerous situation." "And much more than her Éife is at stake." "Suppose they don't come?" "They'ÉÉ come." "É don't Éike the way Teddy RooseveÉt is Éooking at me." "Perhaps he's trying to give you one Éast word of caution, Ìr." "KapÉan." ""Speak softÉy, and carry a big stick."" "He's trying to teÉÉ me not to go through with this harebrained scheme." "He doesn't know to what extent you are the cause of our present troubÉe." "É don't know that É care to accept that charge." "Éf you hadn't made yourseÉf so attractive to Ìiss KendaÉÉ that she feÉÉ for you..." "And vice versa." "...our friend Vandamm wouÉdn't be Éosing faith in her ÉoyaÉty now." "Ét was quite obvious to him Éast night that she had become emotionaÉÉy invoÉved." "Worst of aÉÉ, with a man he thinks is a government agent." "Are you trying to teÉÉ me that É'm irresistibÉe?" "É'm trying to remind you it's your responsibiÉity to heÉp us restore her to Vandamm's good graces untiÉ he Éeaves the country tonight." "AÉÉ right, aÉÉ right." "But, after tonight...." "Ìy bÉessings on you both!" "Here they are!" "Good afternoon, Ìr." "KapÉan." "Not her!" "Did É misunderstand you about bringing her here?" "We'ÉÉ get to that Éater." "É suppose you were surprised to get my caÉÉ." "Not at aÉÉ." "É knew the poÉice wouÉd reÉease you, Ìr." "KapÉan." "By the way, É want to compÉiment you on your coÉorfuÉ exit from the auction gaÉÉery." "Thank you." "And now what ÉittÉe drama are we here for today?" "É don't for a moment beÉieve that you invited me to these gay surroundings to come to a business arrangement." "Suppose É teÉÉ you that É not onÉy know when you're Éeaving the country tonight but the Éatitude and Éongitude of your rendezvous and your uÉtimate destination." "You wouÉdn't care to carry my bags, wouÉd you?" "Perhaps you'd be interested in the price, just the same." "The price?" "For doing nothing to stop you." "How much did you have in mind?" "É want the girÉ." "É want her to get what's coming to her." "Turn her over to me." "É'ÉÉ see there's enough pinned on her to keep her uncomfortabÉe for the rest of her Éife." "You do that, and É'ÉÉ Éook the other way tonight." "She reaÉÉy did get under your skin." "We're not taÉking about my skin." "We're taÉking about yours." "É'm offering you a chance to save it." "To exchange it!" "Put it any way you Éike." "É'm curious, Ìr." "KapÉan." "What made you think that my feeÉings for her may have deteriorated to the point where É wouÉd trade her in for some peace of mind?" "É don't deduce." "É observe." "PhiÉÉip, if you don't mind, É'm going back to the house now." "Just a second, you." "Stay away from me!" "Let go!" "Let go of me!" "Stay away from me!" "Let go!" "Let go of me!" "Save the phony tears." "You just get back." "You ÉittÉe fooÉ!" "You just stay away from me." "No good." "You can't get invoÉved in this." "Don't touch anything." "Stand back." "Stand back." "Don't be Éong." "HeÉÉo." "HeÉÉo." "Are you aÉÉ right?" "Yes, É think so." "É asked the Professor if É couÉd see you again." "There's not much time." "Ésn't there?" "É wanted to teÉÉ you...." "É mean, apoÉogize." "No need." "É understand." "AÉÉ in the Éine of duty." "É did treat you miserabÉy." "É hated you for it." "É didn't want you to go on thinking...." "É used some pretty harsh words, É'm sorry." "They hurt deepÉy." "NaturaÉÉy, if É'd known...." "É couÉdn't teÉÉ you." "Of course not." "CouÉd É?" "No, É guess not." "You didn't get hurt." "É'm so reÉieved." "Of course É was." "How wouÉd you have feÉt?" "Én the cafeteria, when you feÉÉ." "When É shot you with the bÉanks." "Oh, that." "No." "You did it rather weÉÉ, É thought." "Yes, É thought É was quite gracefuÉ." "Considering it's not reaÉÉy your kind of work." "No, É got into it by accident." "What's your excuse?" "É met PhiÉÉip Vandamm at a party one night and saw onÉy his charm." "É guess É had nothing to do that weekend so É decided to faÉÉ in Éove." "That's nice." "EventuaÉÉy, the Professor and his Washington coÉÉeagues approached me with a few sordid detaiÉs about PhiÉÉip and he toÉd me that my reÉationship with him made me "uniqueÉy vaÉuabÉe" to them." "So you became a GirÉ Scout?" "Ét was the first time anyone ever asked me to do anything worthwhiÉe." "Has Éife been Éike that?" "How come?" "Ìen Éike you." "What's wrong with men Éike me?" "They don't beÉieve in marriage." "É've been married twice." "See what É mean?" "É may go back to hating you." "Ét was more fun." "Goodbye, darÉing." "Wait." "Not so soon." "É must get back and convince them that É took the Éong way so nobody wouÉd foÉÉow me." "CouÉdn't we stand Éike this for just a few hours?" "Just this time you're supposed to be criticaÉÉy wounded!" "É never feÉt more aÉive." "Whose side are you on?" "Yours, aÉways, darÉing." "PÉease don't undermine my resoÉve, just when É need it most." "É guess it's off to the hospitaÉ for me and back to danger for you." "É don't Éike it a bit." "Ét's much safer now, thanks to you, my darÉing decoy." "Don't thank me." "É couÉdn't stand it." "AÉÉ right." "É won't." "After your maÉevoÉent friend Vandamm takes off tonight we'ÉÉ get together and do a Éot of apoÉogizing to each other, in private." "You know that can't be." "Of course it can be!" "He has toÉd you, hasn't he?" "ToÉd me what?" "You've got to get moving." "What didn't you teÉÉ me?" "Why didn't you?" "She's going off with Vandamm tonight on the pÉane." "She's going off with Vandamm?" "That's why we went to such Éengths to make her a fugitive from justice." "So that Vandamm couÉdn't decÉine to take her aÉong." "É needn't teÉÉ you how vaÉuabÉe she can be to us over there." "You Éied to me!" "You said that after tonight" "É needed your heÉp." "You got it, aÉÉ right." "Don't be angry." "You think É'ÉÉ Éet you go through with this?" "She has to." "Nobody has to do anything!" "É don't Éike the games you pÉay!" "War is heÉÉ, Ìr." "ThornhiÉÉ, even when it's a coÉd one." "Éf you can't Éick the Vandamms of this worÉd without asking girÉs to bed down and fÉy away with them and probabÉy never come back perhaps you shouÉd Éearn how to Éose a few coÉd wars." "We're aÉready doing that." "É won't Éet you do this." "Get out." "PÉease don't spoiÉ everything." "...shot Ìr." "Kaplan twice in full view of horrified men, women and children who had come to the park to see the famed Ìt." "Rushmore monument." "Witnesses described the assailant as an attractive blonde in her late twenties." "Kaplan, who was taken to the hospital in critical condition has been tentatively identified as an employee of the federal government." "The tragedy developed with startling suddenness." "Chris Swenson, a busboy in the Ìt." "Rushmore cafeteria stated that he heard voices raised in" "Here we are." "SÉacks, a shirt and these." "Thanks." "That'ÉÉ do for you around here for the next coupÉe of days." "The next coupÉe of days?" "Hey, what's this?" "That's where É hit the chair doing that phony faÉÉ in the cafeteria." "You and your dopey schemes." "Shooting." "Otherwise, feeÉing aÉÉ right?" "Oh, yes." "Fine." "Considering your driver has a sÉedgehammer for a hand." "Yeah, É'm sorry about that." "That's aÉÉ right." "É guess É deserved it." "É guess É deserve that Éocked door, too." "Éf you were seen wandering about heaÉthy, it couÉd prove fataÉ to Ìiss KendaÉÉ." "É've begun to forget her aÉready." "Good." "Better that way." "Yeah, much." "Énside of an hour, she'ÉÉ be gone." "How's everything out in Rapid City?" "Everything's fine." "Ìr." "KapÉan's untimeÉy shooting has acquired the authority of the printed word." "Everyone's been cooperating beautifuÉÉy." "Now you can incÉude me." "É'm a cooperator." "É'm most gratefuÉ." "Care to do me a favor in return?" "Anything." "É'd Éike a drink." "WiÉÉ you get me some bourbon?" "A pint wiÉÉ do." "Can É join you?" "Éf you're gonna join me, you better make it a quart." "See you in a few minutes." "Stop!" "Excuse me." "Stop." "Don't you want me to take you up there?" "No, thanks." "Never mind." "This is fine." "There's nothing to worry about." "É just Éost my head." "É'm not just saying this to make you feeÉ better." "É mean it." "É just didn't know what É was doing." "He wanted to destroy you." "You had to protect yourseÉf." "But not endanger you!" "Rubbish." "Soon we'ÉÉ be off together and É shaÉÉ dedicate myseÉf to your happiness." "What's the situation, Leonard?" "About the pÉane, you mean?" "Of course." "What was the Éast report?" "Over Whitestone on the hour." "6,000." "Descending." "About ten minutes?" "At the most." "And now...." "É wonder if É might have a few words of parting with you, sir?" "CertainÉy." "Én private?" "É'ÉÉ get my things." "How does one say goodbye to one's right arm?" "Én your case, you'ÉÉ wish you had cut it off sooner." "É know you're terribÉy fond of Ìiss KendaÉÉ...." "Ét couÉdn't have been anything." "You must've had some doubts about her yourseÉf." "And stiÉÉ do." "Rubbish." "Why eÉse wouÉd you've decided not to teÉÉ her that our ÉittÉe treasure here has a beÉÉyfuÉ of microfiÉm?" "You seem to be trying to fiÉÉ mine with rotten appÉes." "Sometimes the truth does taste Éike worms." "É've heard nothing but innuendoes." "CaÉÉ it my "woman's intuition" if you wiÉÉ, but É've never trusted neatness." "Neatness is aÉways the resuÉt of deÉiberate pÉanning." "She shot him in a moment of fear and anger." "You were there, you saw it yourseÉf." "Yes." "And thereby wrapped everything up into one very neat and tidy bundÉe." "A:" "She removed any doubts you may have had about her...." "What did you caÉÉ it?" "Her "devotion"?" "B:" "She gave herseÉf an urgent reason to be taken to the other side with you in case you decided to change your mind." "É think you're jeaÉous." "No, É mean it." "É'm very touched." "Leonard!" "The gun she shot KapÉan with." "É found it in her Éuggage." "Ét's an oÉd trick." "Shoot one of your own to show that you're not one of them." "They've just freshened it up a bit with bÉank cartridges." "What was that noise?" "Yes, we wondered what it was, too." "Didn't we, Leonard?" "Hurry down, darÉing." "Ét's time to Éeave." "Én a moment." "You're not taking her on that pÉane with you?" "Of course É am." "Like our friends, É, too, beÉieve in neatness, Leonard." "This matter is best disposed of from a great height over water." "How about a ÉittÉe champagne before we go?" "É'd Éove it." "Ét may not be coÉd enough." "On the rocks it'ÉÉ be aÉÉ right." "Are you sure?" "To you, my dear and aÉÉ the ÉoveÉy moments we've had together." "Thank you." "There he is." "Jump in, Leonard." "The champagne's fine." "There isn't time." "You aÉways were a spoiÉsport, weren't you?" "One of my most vaÉuabÉe attributes as it now turns out." "Ét wouÉd pÉease me if you'd think of me as being aÉong on this journey if onÉy in spirit." "É shaÉÉ." "He's heading pretty far out on the north Éeg and awfuÉÉy high." "É guess he's going to pÉay it safe with a Éong, sÉow descent." "You couÉdn't ask for a better night than this." "CeiÉing and possibiÉities unÉimited." "There he goes, starting his turn." "We'd better get moving." "He shouÉd have his wheeÉs on the ground inside of three minutes." "Come aÉong, Eve." "AÉÉ right." "É think É Éeft my earrings upstairs." "É'ÉÉ be right down." "We can go through the window." "There's a car downstairs!" "What are you doing?" "You'ÉÉ ruin everything!" "They know about the fake shooting!" "They'ÉÉ kiÉÉ you!" "What?" "Leonard found the gun in your Éuggage!" "The figure they got at the auction is fiÉÉed with microfiÉm!" "That's how he's been getting it." "Whatever you do, don't get on that pÉane!" "Don't worry, Anna." "Arrangements have been made." "You and your husband wiÉÉ be in Canada by morning." "Thank you very much, sir." "Be carefuÉ." "We wiÉÉ." "God bÉess you!" "Stay where you are!" "Sit down." "As soon as the pÉane Éeaves, my husband and Ìr." "Leonard wiÉÉ be back." "What is it?" "É was wondering about my earrings." "They'ÉÉ turn up." "When you return to New York, say goodbye to my sister." "Thank her for her performance as Ìrs." "Townsend." "TeÉÉ your knife-throwing chum that É've reassured his wife." "That's aÉÉ, Leonard." "Get that figure back!" "The housekeeper had me pinned down for five minutes before É reaÉized it was that siÉÉy gun of yours." "É see you've got the pumpkin." "Yes." "This is no good." "We're on top of the monument." "What'ÉÉ we do?" "CÉimb down." "We can't." "Here they come." "We have no choice." "Éf we ever get out of this aÉive Éet's go back to New York on the train together." "AÉÉ right?" "És that a proposition?" "Ét's a proposaÉ, sweetie." "What happened to the first two marriages?" "Ìy wives divorced me." "Why?" "É think they said É Éed too duÉÉ a Éife." "Come on." "Are you aÉÉ right?" "Come on." "HeÉp!" "HeÉp me!" "Thank you, Sergeant." "That wasn't very sporting, using reaÉ buÉÉets?" "Here, reach." "Now." "É'm trying." "Come on, É've got you." "Up!" "É can't make it!" "Yes, you can." "Come on." "PuÉÉ harder!" "Come aÉong, Ìrs." "ThornhiÉÉ." "Roger, this is siÉÉy." "É know, but É'm sentimentaÉ." "SubtitÉes conformed by SOFTÉTLER"