"LIAM:" "Previously on "Faking It"..." "I'll let you crash on my couch." "My attempts at flirting can come off as being a dick." "SHANE:" "You like me?" "You're saving yourself for Felix." "We can't have a thing." "Not until New Year's Eve." "It turns out I'm Jewish." "Oh, mazel tov." "I've always thought that I was straight, and now I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not." "AMY:" "I'm here for you." "(UPBEAT MUSIC)" "♪ ♪" "(KNOCKING)" "Karma, it's late." "If this another attempt to make me a Belieber..." "No, even though he is a legitimate musician." "Um, that's not why I'm here." "Seeing how close you and Sabrina were tonight at game night, it drove me a little crazy." "And I think I finally realize why." "No." "No, I cannot go back there with you." "(SIGHS)" "WOMAN: ♪ All of our last days ♪" "Maybe you can go there with me." "WOMAN: ♪ Are lost without a trace ♪" "♪ ♪" " (ALARM RINGING) - (GASPS)" "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." "Dude, I'm having major déjà vu." "In your defense, Sabrina is tres hot." "(SIGHS) Hot or not, I can't fall for another friend who's probably just gonna turn out to be straight." "Wait." "As in it's possible she's not?" "Your face says I'm right!" "Okay!" "(SIGHS)" "Sabrina may have had a sexy female dream of her own, but you cannot tell a soul, especially Karma." "And if Sabrina does decide she likes girls, then maybe you two can end up together." "Let's talk about something else." "Oh, how are you and Noah?" "Do not change the subject." "Why?" "What's the first subject?" "(SQUEAKS)" "Uh, how much..." "I love Cholula." "But, uh, it makes me gassy." "So I'm gonna go." "Why is she wearing her crush boots?" " Her what boots?" " Her crush boots." "They kill her arches, so she only wears them when she's trying to get someone's attention." "Who is it?" "It can't be Felix." "She already has his attention." "The only other new person in her orbit is..." "Sabrina?" " Your face says I'm right." " Damn!" "Amy's just gonna get her heart broken all over again." "Pump the brakes, McSchemey." "Don't go meddling like you always do." "Just maybe let her work this one out on her own?" "Why?" "Is there something else you're not telling me?" "Nope!" "Mmm." "(MUFFLED) Eggs on tacos." "Who knew?" "Mmm, mmm!" "Put down the baby Jesus." "Okay, okay." "Sorry." "Just wanted to set out the menorah I made, but apparently I'm living in the Christmas section of Target." "Christmas is the best..." "The smell of fir trees, the crackle of the fireplace..." "The crushing weight of American consumerism wiping out any real meaning to the holiday..." "I can still kick you out." "And until then, as your official roommate, shouldn't I get to also decorate?" "You've been Jewish for, like, five minutes." "Do you even know what Hanukkah's about?" "Yeah, it's about the dedication of the temple during the Macca..." "Okay, got it." "No need for the whole holy history." "(SIGHS) Fine." "You can put your Hanukkah stuff... here." "That's, like, one square foot." "Which is all I need." "Mm-hmm." "(SIGHS)" "(GASPS) Maybe you're an Ellen Page type." "Or a Portia de Rossi... if you like pant suits." "(LAUGHS)" "Man, who knew exploring my sexuality would be so fun?" "And you make a pretty bomb tour guide." "Uh... (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)" "Oh, speaking of exploring, we should head up Lezbingo tonight." "Oh, that's a real thing?" "Well, we're not gonna find answers in a magazine." "We need to find you a girl to kiss." "KARMA:" "Hey, ladies." "Get this." "Tonight the three amigas, movie-oke." " Movie-what-e?" " Movie-oke." "It's like karaoke but for movies." "Alamo Drafthouse is doing "Mean Girls."" "Sabrina, you would be a killer Regina George." "Thanks, Karm, but Amy and I have plans." "We have homework." "We have to write that essay" "Yeah, for World Studies that we're both in." "And you're not, so rain check?" "You can't rain check something like this." "(GONG SOUNDS)" "Oh. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)" "Speaking of class..." "Bye!" "Okay, Sabrina, you need to be careful." "Is that some sort of threat?" "Because I don't scare easy." "What?" "No." "I mean for Amy's sake." "She's starting to have feelings for you." "It's true." "Trust me." "You probably don't even know all the little ways you're sending her the wrong signals." "Amy told you this?" "I'm her best friend, she didn't have to." "You two should probably stop hanging out alone so much." "Avoid sleepovers or any gooey talks about your friendship." "(LAUGHS) You almost had me." "Very convincing." "You know, you're right, you're not the same girl you were at camp, because that girl couldn't act." "Excuse me." "I was queen of skit night." "They threw marshmallows." "Wait, was that a good thing?" "So no band practice tonight?" "Nope." "But maybe I could come over to your place and give you a private concert." "KARMA:" "Shane!" "Sorry." "Am I interrupting?" "That's okay." "I'm late for Subversive Literature." "See you later." "Why do people keep leaving when I show up?" "You saw that, right?" "I'm not just being paranoid?" "Saw what?" "How he cools off just as things start heating up." "(GASPS) That's it." "It's so basic, I almost missed it." "Noah's not out yet." "(SIGHS) At least you're crushing on someone who could like you back." "Poor Amy." "Maybe she just needs to focus on her other crush." "(SIGHS)" "LAUREN: (GASPS)" "Penelope, what are you doing?" "Did you declare war on Christmas like Starbucks?" "No, I have nothing against any holiday." "I just can't favor one over another." "And that's why there'll be no Christmas break this year." " BOTH:" "What?" " People might get offended." "Who?" "Who are these people that get offended by pine trees and snowflakes?" "And vacation days?" "Okay, I don't know, but I'm sure they're out there." "Why don't we just ask the students what they think about losing their holidays?" "I am just trying to do what's right." "In an ideal world, everyone would just wear labels that told us exactly how not to offend them, but they don't." "But what if they did?" "If we can get everyone to label themselves, can we have our holidays back?" "How on Earth do you plan to do that?" "Not long now." "Uh, till what?" "New Year's, silly." "You and Amy's date." "It's not really a date." "It's more vague and no official plan." "Felix?" "She likes you." "Set it up." "Ask her out for real." "Woo her with a grand gesture." "Well, I don't think I'm so good at the woo." "Well, lucky for you, 'cause I am great at the woo." "Come over tonight." "I'm gonna Cyrano the crap out of you." "(CHUCKLES)" "At Hester, we take pride in our differences, and that's why I'm introducing" "Hester's new mandatory sensitivity census." "It's easy." "You just enter the identity booth and pick the labels that best represent who you are." "Be sure to wear your labels proudly so everyone can support you." "And so that we can have Christmas." "Is that everything?" "Look, I want to "ho ho ho" as much as the next Joe, but Noah shouldn't be forced to label himself gay if he's not ready." "I don't think it counts when the person's already out." "Hey, there." "Gay there." "Um, is that a surprise?" "Do I give off a straight vibe when we kiss?" "(FORCED LAUGHTER) Good one." "So, uh, what about tonight?" "You want to come over?" "My mom's usually out by 9:00 after half a box of rosé." "I shouldn't." "Big theoretical math test tomorrow that I will theoretically fail if I don't hit the books." "Some other time?" "Yeah." "See?" "You were worried for nothing." "Oh, he's hiding something, just not that he's gay." "Or he just really has to study." "No one at this school studies." "You realize you're probably spinning out over nothing, right?" "Yes." "But we should follow him home tonight just to be safe." "***" "(UPBEAT MUSIC)" "Oh, there he is." "Oh, told you." "He's cheating." "Doesn't prove anything." "SHANE:" "Oh, great." "We got another thruple sitch." "Ah!" "You guys looking for a bed tonight?" "Uh, sorry, I'm taken, and he's straight, so..." "Wait." "What is this place?" "Homeless shelter for LGBTQ youth." "Oh." "Uh, sorry." "Our mistake." "Thanks." "So Noah's cheating with a bunch of homeless guys." "Huh." "Oh!" "Does this..." "Does this look okay?" "She's not gonna be able to tell from her window." "(PLAYING GUITAR)" "♪ We've waited, oh, so patiently ♪" "♪ But now I do believe ♪" "♪ It's time I ask officially ♪" "♪ Be my date to New Year's... ♪" "Felix!" "Lord, you are just too cute for your own good." "Hi, Farrah." "Um, is... is Amy home?" "Oh, no." "Sorry, hon." "Oh, you want me to grab my phone real quick and send her a VineTube or a video chat or whatever it is you kids use these days?" "Amy said she'd be here studying." "Where did she go?" "Oh, some bingo thing with Sabrina." "I'm sure she'll be back soon." "Oh, you!" "(GIGGLES)" "Hey, um, this was a mistake." "Thanks for all the support, but..." "I'm gonna head home." "(SIGHS)" "Let's go over tomorrow's shift schedule for the label makers." "Yeah, that'll be quick." "I'm not taking any." "What?" "Why?" "Making people label themselves doesn't celebrate differences." "It just calls them out." "No, but our holidays are being held hostage." "That's your battle, not mine." "(SCOFFS)" "You sucker-punched that narc to go to jail with Karma?" " Yeah." " That's loyalty." "KARMA:" "That's Amy." "Loyal to a fault." "Sweet tea runs right through me, so I need to see a man about a horse." "So where were you two?" "I can't tell you that. (SIGHS)" "I thought we were past all the secrets and lies." "It's not what you think." "Really?" "Because I think you have a crush on Sabrina." "(SIGHS) Damn it, Shane." "It wasn't Shane." "It's obvious." "Okay, you got me." "I might have a tiny crush." "But it's not the end of the world." "Amy, how can you say that?" "I mean, you've fallen for a straight friend before." "And I know how much that hurt you." "Thanks for the warning, Officer, but you don't have to police my feelings, especially when they're not about you." "(SIGHS)" "***" "Come on, people." "Get your diversity on!" "You haven't buttoned up yet?" "It's not rocket science." "You like guys." "You like girls." "Just (BLEEP) pick "bisexual" so we can have Christmas!" "That might be the strangest thing" "I've ever heard anyone say." "LAUREN:" "Ugh." "Excuse me." "You're not the only one I have to yell at right now." "What the hell is wrong with you?" "Hi to you too." "One minute, you're all Hanukkah and the Maccabees and blah, blah, blah, and the next, you're throwing your menorah in the trash?" "What happened to your heritage, your dad?" "Well, that's just it, Lauren." "I got a call yesterday." "My dad had a small estate, and so they did a DNA test." "Turns out he's not my dad, so I'm not even Jewish." "Hey, this seat taken?" "Well, I was saving it for Adam Lambert, but I'm starting to think he's a no-show." "(LAUGHS)" "You know you can tell me absolutely anything, right?" "People say I'm the best at listening." "Like, I could provide references upon request." "That's kind of... odd." "What are you getting at?" "It's... okay." "I already know." "Know what?" "That you're... homeless." "Really?" "And how exactly did you figure that out?" "Did you follow me?" "It's okay." "There's nothing to be ashamed of." "Lots of kids get kicked out or run away for being gay." "Actually, I'm not ashamed of anything, and you don't know what the (BLEEP) you're talking about." "Try not to follow me this time." "AMY:" "Oh, there you are." "Oh, man!" "Lauren got to you?" "Don't listen to her." "It wasn't Lauren." "Look, you've been an awesome coach, but I think my slugger only bats one way." "And now we can both move on." "You don't have to waste your time on me." "It wasn't a waste." "I'm gonna go get us a spot." "Yes!" "Whoo-hoo!" "We have an asexual." "(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)" "That leaves us with..." "Amy Raudenfeld." "Label!" "Label!" "ALL: (CHANTING) Label!" "Label!" "Label!" "Label!" "Label!" "Fine!" "Okay, fine." "(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)" "Hey." "Not going to the diversity assembly?" "Uh, no, it's..." "It's a little misguided." "Kind of like my attempt at a grand gesture." "(SIGHS) No, that was my fault." "I pushed you too far with the whole singing thing." "Amy likes you for you, not my version of you." "Well, you know, you were right about one thing." "I do want to make New Year's official, so I decided, uh, to give her this." "She can set it to midnight New Year's Eve." "(LIGHT MUSIC)" "Do you think she'll like it?" "(CHUCKLES)" "I know I'd melt if I got something like this." "♪ ♪" "ALL:" "Label!" "Label!" "Label!" "This is it!" "This is the last piece of the sensitivity puzzle." "ALL:" "Label!" "Label!" "Label!" "WOMAN: ♪ I want to be your boyfriend ♪" "♪ And I want to be your girlfriend ♪" "(SONG CONTINUES)" "♪ ♪" "(SIGHS)" "ALL:" "Label!" "Label!" "Label!" "Label!" "(CHANTING FADES)" "What?" "Isn't this what you wanted so you can get holidays off?" "Or did you think that these labels would, what, help you understand me better?" "Well, good luck with that." "I barely understand myself." "(SCOFFS)" "Brad?" "If you're proud of your label, good for you." "Shout it from the rooftop." "BRAD:" "I'm asexual!" "Yeah, mm-hmm." "That's not what I meant." "Okay." "What I'm saying is," "I'm a walking pile of contradictions." "(GENTLE MUSIC)" "We all are, and none of this equals us." "It's just not that black and white." "And no one should be pressured to slap on a label so that someone else can define them." "♪ ♪" "That's just kind of douchey." "(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)" "No labels!" "Whoo!" "(APPLAUSE)" "(GUITAR MUSIC)" "♪ ♪" "(KNOCKING)" "Promise I didn't follow you here." "Just made an educated guess." "Look, I got paranoid, because every time we get close, you pull away, and..." "I've never had that happen before." "And my imagination went to some pretty dark places but only because..." "I'm really falling for you." "It's been a long time since I felt like this, and last time," "I really screwed it up." "I don't want that to happen again." "You're right." "I did pull away, because I knew if we got too close," "I'd have to tell you..." "But now I know, and it's fine." "No, you... you don't know." "I didn't get kicked out because my parents didn't accept me for being gay." "(SIGHS)" "They didn't accept that their daughter was actually their son." "Shane, I'm transgender." "(SIGHS) Oh." "I haven't dated anyone since transitioning." "I know it can be too much for some people." "And I can see it's too much for you, so..." "Hey, don't." "It's a lot to take in." "But it doesn't change the way I feel about you." "You can take some time to think about it." "I don't need to." "Are you sure?" "I hereby forgive you for following me." "(CHUCKLES)" "But do me a favor." "Don't share this with anyone else." "At my old school, I was "the trans kid."" "Here, I'm just Noah." "I get to disclose to people when I feel comfortable." "I won't tell a soul." "(SIGHS)" "***" "(SIGHS)" "(ANGRILY) What's this?" "I told you I'm not Jewish anymore." "Wasn't that clear?" "(SIGHS) The only thing that was clear was how connected you feel to your faith..." "More than I've ever been." "Well, the amount of things in here twinkling says otherwise." "Yeah, but I only love Christmas because those are the best memories I have left of my mom." "Lauren..." "Don't try and make this a moment." "I'm just saying you really have a spiritual connection to Hanukkah." "But the DNA test..." "Who cares about a DNA test?" "Take it from me, biology has very little to do with how you really feel inside." "So if you feel you're Jewish, then you're Jewish." "(CHUCKLES)" "And at least this means your real dad might still be out there, alive." "What?" "Tinsel is super flammable." "(SIGHS)" "(LAUGHTER)" "You were just like, "You want a label?" "How's this for a label?"" " Ugh!" " Ah!" "It was just so bad-ass." "You're my new idol." "Sorry, Ronda Rousey." "You got knocked out." "It was kind of fun." "Fun?" "It was electrifying." "You stood up for what you believe in and actually inspired change in them, in me." "Does that mean you still want to find a girl to kiss?" "MAN: ♪ Yeah, I'll come running ♪" "I think I already found one." "MAN: ♪ Everybody wants something for nothing ♪" "Okay, I'm doing this myself this time." "You cannot participate." "I'm just here for support." "And curiosity." "Don't worry, I'll hide behind this bush..." "MAN: ♪ When things go away" "♪ I'll come running ♪"