"The Fire Tong Bowl" "A Cheerful Film by Heinrich Spoerl" "Starring Heinz Rühmann" "This film is in praise of schools but it is possible that the schools will not recognize it as such." " Heinrich Spoerl" "And now gentlemen, let us pay our respects." "Today I buried our dear old "Pavian"." "Let us not remember all that was humorous." "Actually his name was Schmitz and he was our Latin teacher." "He nourished us with Horace and Caesar, and we put blasting caps under his podium." "Now he has rest from his bad boys." "We toast his memory." "Yes, to all of our old teachers." "Yes, and when you think about it..." "I remember we had a very young P.E. teacher." "When we wanted to irritate him..." "We reversed and changed everything that old Otto Bock had set up." "An interesting question at this point:" "Why do people do this kind of thing?" "Why do people play these kinds of jokes on their teachers?" "Because it is so incredibly funny." "No, no." "Just the opposite." "But it's only funny, when you are the one playing the pranks." "Living day in and day out with such boys like us... would make you a little crazy." "Well they probably all are a little bit crazy." "Our school principal raised chickens right next to the school courtyard." "We used to feed them bread." "And we would first dip the bread in Schnapps!" "Wonderful!" "They acted quite like humans do." "One of them tried to sing and the others all became sentimental." "But the chicken became obtrusive and relieved himself in a tin can." "At any rate we had the opportunity to witness the stupefying effects of the alcohol..." "Well, in this sense..." "We raise our glasses and drink to... our school." "...and to our teachers." "Cheers!" "Gone but not forgotten." "Hello Doctor." "Well now, the men seem to be quite animated this evening." "Doctor, I believe they are telling jokes." "Obscene jokes." "There he is." "Pfeiffer, come on over here." "The premiere lasted a long time." "How was the show?" "I'm glad that I was not the writer." "What kind of brew is that?" "We just got started." "Feuerzangenbowle." "The devil's infernal brew." "It works something terrible on your mind." "Not for me." "And it gives you a hell of a hangover." "Is it the same for you, that you sometimes dream about your school days?" "No." "We all do that." "I always have the same dream:" "I'm sitting together with my boy in a school desk." "I have forgotten everything, and the rascal has to give me all the answers." "I always dream that I have forgotten my history book." "Especially on nights when I've eaten lobster." "History book?" "I've never owned one." "I never had enough money." "I spent my money drinking!" "Pfeiffer, come on now and laugh." "About what?" "You are beyond help." "We need to get the next batch ready." "Good night." "Thank you very much." "You shouldn't interrupt me." "If you put worn down chalk in ink then it foams and you have..." "We had a teacher once who was a real dandy.." "he was also near sighted." "So with him we..." "You know what we did with him?" "Well come on, tell us!" "A wet sponge.." "We put a wet sponge on his podium chair.Now, imagine this... the whole morning he sat there in his wet pants." "And do the teachers all find this funny?" "We never asked them." "Didn't you do things like this too?" "No." "So this was some kind of model institution?" "I never went to a school." "But you..." "I received my diploma through private tutors." "I was taught by private teachers in my home by the generosity of my father." "What?" "You were never in a school?" "No." "Well that is just terrible." "You poor, pitiful man." "Then you don't know how it is." "Living in a real flop house and cramming for exams.." "with your fellow students." "I can imagine." "Imagine?" "Oh no..." "You have to actually experience it." "You really missed something." "I really feel sorry for him." "He missed the most wonderful part of being young." "God knows he did." "And it can't be repeated." "Cheers Pfeiffer." "Cheers Pfeiffer." "Pardon my question but..." "Why couldn't he go back to school?" "What do you mean?" "You mean he could really go back again..." "Just for fun and only for a couple of weeks." "As a grown man?" "Come on, that's crazy" "Of course it's crazy." "Although when you think about it purely in a theoretical sense..." "Yes." "You are serious?" "I'm not sure." "I would have to seriously think about it." "It would have to be somewhere where no one knows him." "That is easy." "Babenberg for example." "That is my hometown and it is in the middle of nowhere." "a charming little town... with a charming little high school." "...and very charming..." "Girls?" "No, Teachers." "Is there at least a decent hotel where he can stay?" "Hotel, no way!" "He'll have to find a room." "Yes, of course, where he can do whatever he wants." "But his sweet Marion will never allow him to do it." "I won't ask her." "What?" "Do you really want to?" "God knows I have more important things toNdo." "If you would permit me, your publisher... to say something." "Here recently you have been writing a little too much." "It is high time that you experience something." "Right!" "Something completely crazy." "So that you can learn to laugh." "So, what'll it be Pfeiffer?" "Do you have the courage to do it?" "What could possibly happen to him?" "If things got to boring for him he could just stand and say: "You can't do anything to me." "I've got my diploma and my PhD in my briefcase.!"" "Well, Pfeiffer is going back to high school." "Yes, well, if you would allow me..." "Nothing is allowed here." "...until I have expressed how I feel." "When are you leaving?" "I envy you." "Damn it, I'd like to go too." "Man, I would kill for the chance." "Then it is clear to all of us that this is of course insane..." "But Ihave always wished, to do something a little insane." "To be a regular boy." "Foolish and no worries." "To do homework, and to shoot paper wads," "But Gentlemen, nobody would believe me." "I certainly don't look like a young pupil." "You'll have to change your appearance accordingly." "How?" "Should I perhaps shave off my dear beard?" "And have my flowing, thick hair trimmed?" "Maybe also a pair of sad, nickel plated eyeglasses?" "Books under my arm, a pupil's cap on my head." "And then I'll stand... one morning out on the schoolyard..." "I'm the new guy, the sensation for Babenberg." "And they are all coming up to me in droves... amazed by me, questioning me... who I am, where I come from, whether I..." "Hey, who is that?" "That's the new guy." "He looks like..." "Is he supposed to be from Berlin?" "But you're here." "How clever!" "Take your seats." "You're supposed to take a seat." "You are the new pupil?" "Yes sir." "Take off your cap and stand up." "On behalf of this institution... and the upper school, I welcome you." "Now, sit up front so you can see better." "You will feel right at home here." "Your name is?" "Doct...uhh..." "Jo..." "Johann Pfeiffer." "With one "f"?" "With three." "Three "f's"?" "One in front of the "ei", and two after it, sir." "You are a little silly." "So you have never been in a school?" "You gave me that impression." "You will get used to our strict school routine." "Have a seat." "Yes sir." "Being in school is like taking medicine, it has to taste bad or it doesn't work." "As I have written in my own book:" ""The duty of a teacher taking into consideration the institution of higher learning'... taking into consideration, the institution of higher learning... is primarily that he has done his part, to further scientific endeavors... and to see that the prescribed teaching material" "has been taught." "First and foremost by the knowledge and the assistance of the teacher to the students, which have been entrusted to him." "and secondly with the utmost respect and highest admiration from the students for their teacher." "Who did that?" "Who did that" "Professor, why don't you ask Luck?" "Luck!" "Did you see who shot this paper wad?" "Who me?" "Rosen!" "Did you see him do it?" "I just said you should ask Luck, because he is so smart.." "Sit down, Rosen." "You have no moral maturity." "If the culprit does not identify himself ," "I will find out who he is." "Ohhh, this piece of paper has been torn out of a notebook." "Everyone come forward!" "Show me all of your notebooks." "Professor, the bell rang." "For the next hour repeat what we have gone through." "Klemm, what do you need?" "Pfeiffer is supposed to go to the principal right away." "Sir." "Come closer, Pfeiffer." "Yes sir." "You have learned the school rules, Pfeiffer?" "They were given to me." "So you know that pupils are not to visit pubs... without a chaperone?" "And still you were seen just yesterday.." "in the pub "Axmacher"." "I live there." "You live there!" "This is starting out well." "I thought..." "You're not supposed to think." "I will break the habit." "Axmacher" is a..." "He is thinking again." "I thought that if such noisy, fine gentlemen such as..." "He is still thinking." "Excuse me, I..." "Just be quiet." "I don't mean to say anything against the "Axmacher", but that is no place for you to live." "First of all it's too costly for you und secondly, what kind of impression does that make?" "You, a pupil at a reputable institution of higher learning." "I didn't think about that." "But you are supposed to think." "...as an educated person." "OK." "Then today I'll go looking for a new pad." "A pad?" "What kind of expression is that?" "A pad is something, well, nasty." "I would almost say uhh, immoral." "A student at a reputable institution of higher learning... should not have a pad but rather a proper room, with proper, well intentioned people." "Fine, then later I'll go... o!" "Right now." "You are excused from your lessons." "Oh, too bad." "I don't know whether or not this might be a little bit expensive for you... 65 Marks a week room and board," "I can afford it." "Per month, young man." "What is there to eat?" "Good home cooking of course." "It is substantial and nutritious." "And as much as you want." "I'm not a big eater." "It's necessary for children... in the developing years." "My son also didn't want to eat properly until... until later, when he..." "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" "Bathroom?" "Oh, yes." "I have a cast iron tub." "If you would like to see it sometime... o, thank you." "Every Saturday I'll heat you up some food." "You should feel at home here." "I could have a rocking chair set up for you here." "or maybe my piano." "Thank you very much." "You didn't do this very well." "That could have broken." "Oh, that is definitely your mother?" "No, no that is..." "Well then it is some other relative?" "Maybe an aunt?" "Something like that." "Beautiful woman... and so elegant." "Does she look after you?" "I have to count on it." "Where is Doctor Pfeiffer?" "Not here again?" "Doctor Pfeiffer is on vacation somewhere, as has already been mentioned several times." "Alfred, you are lying." "He would have taken me with him." "Perhaps this time he had a special reason, for traveling without his dear..." "Reasons?" "Be honest." "Who is she, what's her name and is she cute?" "Who?" "The other woman." "He didn't take a woman with him this time." "Well then he must still be here.I smell cigarette smoke." "I can hardly imagine that." "Here is a glass that has been used." "How could that be?" "Alfred, what is going on with you?" "You're just standing there." "Well, you're drunk!" "Something is not right here." "All of his suitcases are still here?" "And all of his suits?" "He didn't even take a pair of pajamas?" "The poor man." "How will he sleep?" "Telephone." "Sweetheart!" "Will you please get it?" "What?" "Hmmm" "Ohhh." "Well..." "Damned invention." "Mr. Hans, is everything OK with you?" "No." "What would you like to have for breakfast?" "In the morning I really require very little." "Just a little something." "X is equal to negative P half plus or minus the root of P half in square minus Q the tangent one half ( Alpha plus Beta )..." "If the cocoa is not sweet enough for you..." "It's fine, it's fine." "How do you like it here in Babenberg?" "Have you settled in well?" "Yes, yes, of course." "Have you been to the Marksmen's Festival?" "Well, what I really wanted to say was..." "Don't get involved with any girls." "After all we live here in a city." "Many a boy has been corrupted." "Don't let me disturb you." "My son was also so diligent." "Now he works with taxes." "Oh well, things could be worse I guess." "Do you have strict teachers?" "Hmmm." "Very strict" "Morning boys." "Morning, Professor." "Oh, so you are the new one?" "You don't need to stand up." "I don't require the students to stand for me." "What does it benifit me if everyone stands up?" "Morning, Pömmel." "I said 'morning', didn't I?" "Oh, you know, this weather today, the sun is shining..." "I'm in such a good mood." "We really don't want to get off on the wrong foot today ." "So, where were we?" "Today we're talking about a steam engine." "What is a steam engine?" "To put it quite simply a steam engine... is a large, round, black chamber." "And the large, round, black chamber, it has two holes." "The one hole is where the steam comes in... and the other hole... well, we'll get to that later." "ow, what does the steam do?" "The steam, it pushes on the pistons." "What is a piston?" "Well, that can't be explained." "It's in the book." "What are you doing down there, Rudi?" "10 Pfennig of mine fell down here." "That is a lot of money for a boy." "Where was I?" "Right, yes, the pistons." "Now that is very ingenious." "This is also where the steam comes in from the other side." "and that also pushes on the pistons..." "With it." "You pig." "What will you give me for the "Mecklenburg"?" "Have you doubled it?" "But it's not genuine." "Show me." "On one end it goes back and forth, and on the other end it goes around." "That is the connecting rod." "Sometimes this kind of steam engine has two cylinders." "Then it's called a twin engine." "This is nothing to laugh about." "Are there any questions?" "Any questions?" "So, now you all know how a steam engine works." "And if you don't know, it's your own fault." "Where is my other shoe?" "It was just right here." "And now it's gone." "Maybe you have it on." "No." "Has one of you seen my other shoe?" "When I catch the lousy student, who took my shoe!" "Professor, we are not stealing any shoes." "Just be nice and give me my shoe back." "If you do, there will be no punishment." "I am not going to give in to you." "You can check our desks." "If you had some kind of idea that I was going to hop to my next class.." "on one leg... I have time." "Professor, the second bell..." "Without my shoe I'm not going anywhere." "But we have history with Doctor Brett right now." "I can't change that." "Anything special out there?" "Our sister high school." "Isn't that convenient." "Can you get together with any of them?" "The blonde with the long locks." "I like the dark headed one." "She is hot." "No, she's mine I like the tall one." "What about you?" "I like all of them." "You little pig." "Brett!" "Your attention please!" "Good morning." "Good morning." "Sit down." "What's going on?" "Pömmel." "Pömmel." "My dear colleague, this must be a mistake." "I'm waiting for my shoe." "What is going on here?" "Oh, Rudi, yes." "...and no tickling please." "Yes, thank you." "Thanks very much." "Have a nice morning, sir." "Here you go." "Thank you, Ackerman." "Gees!" "What a horrible character you all have." "Pfeiffer." "I know." "With three "f's"" "Only because Mr. "Nose" asked me in such a funny way." "Mr. "Nose"?" "I couldn't have known that..." "Professor Kray is his real name." "You see, Pfeiffer, things are different in my class." "I take care of my pupils." "And I give them the choice:" "War or peace." "This class has decided for peace, and it is going quite well that way." "Other than that it is really of no use, because I already know all of the stupid things you might try from my own childhood." "So, it's not going to work with me." "But what if we do something brand new?" "Then try it." "You were supposed to look over the chapter on mass migration." "So, Knebel!" "Tell us about it." "Which tribe of people could you best speak about?" "The, uhh..." "Goths." "Then I don't need to ask you about the Goths." "Then tell us something about the..." "Goths." "The Goths were located originally..." "Originally the Goths were located in..." "Knebel, step away from your desk." "Originally the Goths were located in..." "Sweden." "Right." "Then from there they went to...?" "From there they went to uhh, near Danzig." "From there they went to to Russia and from there they went to..." "Yes, and after that they really didn't know what they should do and uhhh and they found themselves in the east where the mixed with the Western Goths." "Good, Knebel." "You can have a seat. "D"." "How could that answer possibly be a "D"?" "I earned a "B"." "Pfeiffer gets the "B"." "And please give me your mirror." "Here you go." "You call that new?" "What do you do when it rains?" "The Spring time loves the playing of a flute, and the playing of the trumpet." "The Spring time loves the playing of a flute, and the playing of the trumpet." "The Spring time loves the playing of a flute, and the playing of the trumpet." "The Spring time brings a good mood" "Reliably every..." "The Spring time loves the playing of a flute, and the playing of the trumpet." "The Spring blows in..." "The Spring time loves the playing of a flute, and the playing of the..." "The Spring blows in good cheer.." "Reliably every year..." "The Spring time loves the playing of a flute, ...of the..." "Tru- tru- trumpet." "Someone is singing off key." "Everything is OK here." "Pfeiffer!" "Are you the one singing off key?" "Uhh... definitely not." "Maybe you should come up here." "Try singing this note." "You're singing too deep." "Just listen." "Ahhhhhh..." "No, Pfeiffer." "Now it's too high." "Ahhhh..." "Ahhhhhhhhhh..." "You're obviously tone deaf." "You are of course excused from the chorus." "Uhhh.. so I'm not allowed to sing anymore?" "Let's try it again." "The Spring time loves the playing of a flute, and the playing of the trumpet" "It blows in good cheer..." "Reliably every year..." "The Spring time loves the playing of a flute, and the playing of the trumpet" "It blows in good cheer" "Reliably every year... I think it steals your heart." "This proud melancholy of language." "Heavenly." "Magical." "And he is so intelligent." "You can actually have a conversation with him." "To whom are you saying that?" "He was with me for breakfast yesterday." "You are so lucky." "Pfeiffer has been missing from Berlin without a trace for two weeks now." " Ladies, please move along." " Oh, it is such an experience to read his work." "Read?" "Oh yes, I guess one could do that sometime." "You see, that is him:" "Pfeiffer, as he loves and lives." "Elegant, beautiful, thoughtful... and so alluring." "Well, can't everyone do that?" "When?" "The key word is Baldrian." "What?" "Baldrian." "Who says that?" "I do of course." "When I say the word "Baldrian", things start to happen." "Careful, the old men are coming..." "Pfeiffer seems to have settled in very well with us here." "I'm afraid perhaps too well." "Sir, do you still have class with the Upper School today?" "Yes, why?" "I would advise you to be on guard." "If we don't bother the boys then they don't bother us." " Do you agree with me?" " Yes, but they live for such things." "The affection of our pupils can be won by other means." "I have a few effective tricks, with which you can spice up... your lessons and present it in a pleasant way." "ln chemistry for instance," "I talk every year about the effects of alcohol." "So every year I bring - and my students know this - ...a one liter bottle of huckleberry wine, which I have made myself, and I bring it with me to the chemistry lesson, so that each of the students" "can be convinced of its pleasant taste." "Careful now!" "Each of you just get a small swallow, otherwise it will go to your head." "Oh-ho-ho." "Each of you must hold the glass at a 20 degree angle," "So the wine in a different position." "We will determine the alcohol content while we are doing this." "As you can see it is almost 13 percent." "I picked the huckleberries myself." "Huckleberry wine not only has a pronounced and spiced taste," "but it is also healthy and very nourishing." "Isn't it right to say, Professor, Baldrian..." "Baldrian... is supposed to be healthy as well." "Of course Baldrian is healthy." "But that discussion is for some other time." "You're right, Professor." "My uncle always used to say, Baldrian," "Baldrian belongs in every family." "You're silly." "Ackermann, what do you know about the effects of alcohol?" "Even the old Germanic tribes were making a strong drink from honey called Meade." "Without their meast they used to lie around on bear skins." "What's wrong?" "Nothing, I just feel a little funny in the head." "Then have a seat." "Pfeiffer, please carry on." "The alcohol content, or rather the content of the alcohol produces alcohol, alcohol produces content, or the so called alcohol content." "Pfeiffer, you are rambling." "Sit down." "The alcohol is starting to ramble, and the result is the secret brood or the huckleberry hooch." "Luck." "Professor, I don't what this means but..." "I just can't talk anymore." "What?" "When alco-hole, is the only hole..." "What?" "do you feel all right?" "Sure, I feel fine..." "Open the window." "Rosen!" "Carry on." "That is laughable." "But Professor," "I only have to think about my poor mother." "My poor mother." "The wine ferments far away..." "The alcohol, the wine, the alcohol is produced by the hucleberries in fermentation, in fermented alcohol..." "Professor, I'm seeing everything in double." "Professor I'm going to bed." "I don't understand this." "All of this from just one little swallow." "This is just im... impossible" "I would like to have a little swallow!" "Me too!" "What is going on here?" "I can hear you clear over in the other wing" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "I want to know what is going on here." "You little, you sweet." "Yes, we drank some wine, some really good wine." "Come here, sit down on the bench." "We all like you so much..." "Ackermann!" "What have you been drinking?" "As good Germans we have been drinking good German wine." "And where do all of you get this wine from?" "We had to drink it in Professor Kay's class." "I am completely puzzled." "If you would just try one swallow... I don't drink." "All of you, go home, as quietly as you can." "Try to pull yourselves together." "And then go straight to bed." "My dear colleague, you have poisoned the entire Upper School." "But I innocently wanted to show the effects of alcohol..." "My wonderful Upper School... from such a small swallow?" "...poisoned I said." "I am expecting a written report from you." "And furthermore there will be..." "What, Pfeiffer?" "I would like to make a confession." "ls someone there?" "No." "You?" "Are you the guy with the huckleberry wine?" "What do you want?" "We just want to take a look." "OK, ok now, go on." "You?" "You're supposed to be so smart." "So tell us something smart." "Or would you rather have a cigarette?" "But you're not allowed to smoke." "It's forbidden in detention." "But we can smoke in front of you." "Now he's going to get detention for smoking." "You're only being brave because there is a door between us." "Should we come in?" "I'd like for you to." "We're embarassing ourselves." "What do you think of us?" "You are all probably ugly like the night... bowlegged simpletons, nothing up top and nothing in the rear." "Nice looking girls don't get embarassed." "Nice to meet you, Pfeiffer." "You're just children!" "You ass!" "Well." "Good." "Oh my, oh my, oh my..." "Mrs. Windscheid, do you think it will work like this?" "People don't like it when boys, become so vain all of the sudden." "I'll be back for dinner." "Hi, Hans." "Hi, See you, Good Bye." "Where are you off to?" "Well, uhhh..." "What about the essay?" "I have to go." "Bye." "Hiking is the miller's desire" "Hiking is the miller's desire" "Hiking" "That must be a bad miller who never thought of hiking who never thought of hiking" "Hiking..." "So tell me, was it awful in detention?" "Quite the opposite." "It was a highly interesting experience." "Pfeiffer, why do you tell me so little about yourself?" "What is there to tell?" "What would you like to know?" "Everything." "Have you ever been in love before?" "I have always been very stand offish." "You see, that is one of the things I like about you." "I don't like boys who are immediately so pushy." "The younger students are the worst." "Really?" "My girlfriend knew one, who wanted a kiss from her." "What is it?" "Too bad that I'm not a younger student." "Why?" "DUE TO RENOVATIONS THE HIGH SCHOOL WILL BE CLOSED TODAY." "You there!" "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "You took down that sign." "No I didn't." "Hang it right back up there." "What do you want me to do?" "Hang that sign back up, damn it." "Yes sir." "Gentlemen, I am asking for your opinion." "I agree with the opinion of the director." "But I haven't said anything yet." "My dear colleague." "I vote that the students responsible be expelled from this school." "But first we have to determine who the guilty student is." "We will appeal to their sense of duty, and ask them to tell us... willingly who did this." "I believe in our students but... so much sense of duty?" "Usually it is a good friend who turns the perpetrator in." "Hopefully we don't have friends like this at our school." "If we don't get anywhere then we'll have to punish them all, the old fashioned way." "We have 247 students at our school." "We'll be punishing 246 of them unjustly." "ln my book "the duty of a teacher..."" "My dear Mr. Brandt, please wipe the smile off of your face." "The situation is serious enough." "True, but the problem lies somewhere else." "If it were to come out that this sign was a forgery, and that we all fell for this stupid trick played on us by the boys, we will be the laughing stock of the town." "And what will the school superintendent say?" "For God's sake, what are going to do?" "Nothing!" "What do you mean "nothing"?" "This forgery..." "Whether the sign is a forgery or not depends completely on us." "To put it simply we'll just say:" "The sign is real." "We hung it out there ourselves." "Because of the renovations." "Gentlemen!" "Gentlemen!" "This suggestion stands in the starkest contrast... to the principles in my book and I vote against it." "I for one apologize for this suggestion." "We have the highest reputation and respect in this community and for our school to be found at fault..." "Yes, at fault for not avoiding the blame." "And you Principal, of all people can avoid an extremely embarrassing report to the school superintendent." "Uh...hmmm..." "You mean, Mr. Pömmel, I need to..." "Yes, how do you see things working out?" "We don't have any renovations going on." "I can fix that for you." "Kids, the meeting is over." "Now the investigation begins." "Well, Pfeiffer, you think you're so brave, or maybe I should say, brave with your words." "Are your knees knocking a little?" "If it were to come out that..." "How?" "I don't know." "Maybe, if someone were to turn you in." "Maybe you?" "We can't trust you?" "Say that again and I will turn him in." "I bet you won't!" "You bet I would!" "Have a seat." "Take out your books." "Turn to page..." "Now what do you want?" "I have to make an announcement." "If you're not prepared again... I believe it to be my duty, so that no innocent person..." "Take care of this out on the school yard." "Professor, it's got to do with the sign." "Sit down." "It's got to do with the sign yesterday." "Not, "it's got to do with the sign", but rather, "it has to do with the sign."" "OK, OK, has to do, got to do with..." "It has to do with the sign..." "You need to sit down!" "Aren't you interested in..." "If you continue you will be thrown out of this class!" "who hung the sign outside..." "You're talking nonsense." "The maintenance crew placed the sign on the gate because of the renovations." "That's a lie." "That will be enough!" "Sit down!" "Ackermann, write this up in the class book:" "Rosen disturbed the lesson with his foolish talk." "Now open your books to page 117." "OK, Pfeiffer, You look so pleased with yourself." "Maybe I should pick on you again today?" "I hope you do." "Then I want to see rather or not you understood "Wallenstein"." "ln which act and in which scene... does who say to whom these words: "That was no act of heroism Octavio."" "Yes, Pfeiffer, you don't know, do you?" "You are becoming more and more dumb." "You are becoming the laughing stock of the entire class." "I don't get it. ln all other subjects you are doing satisfactorily or better..." "You are only failing German." "German..." "German is not my thing." "That is too bad!" "What do you hope to be someday?" "I don't know yet." "Be sure and choose a profession that doesn't require much writing." "The best choice would be to become a dentist." "OK." "Good Morning." "May I help you?" "You would like a room?" "I would like to know if, Dr. Pfeiffer lives here." "He hasn't checked in yet." "In the meantime would you like to..." "Thank you." "Where else could Dr. Pfeiffer live?" "Oh my, maybe..." "But I..." "Mr. Axmacher, we did have a Mr. Pfeiffer here." "The one who left the huge tip." "Oh please, there is no way!" "A huge tip!" "Where does he live?" "Ask over at the high school." "High School?" "They are on their break right now." "Where is it?" "Go right at the next street." "Thank you." "Mam, are you lost?" "I am looking for a Doctor Pfeiffer, I have to urgently speak with him." "Doctor Pfeiffer, no, who is that?" "A teacher?" "I'm not sure." "We don't have a Doctor Pfeiffer." "But I was told you did." "Mam, unless you mean him?" "He came to us a couple of weeks ago." "But he is no doctor." "Could you call him in?" "No, he has to go to his class." "Thank you very much." "Good morning boys." "Morning." "We are taking a quiz today over air pressure." "Couldn't we just write about a thermometer?" "We would do better at that." "I don't care." "Write over whatever you want." "Just no nonsense." "Somebody knocked." "That joke is too old." "I won't fall for it." "...anyway, about the thermometer." "Professor, someone really is knocking." "What?" "You think I didn't hear that?" "Go and see what they want." "I'll ask." "There is a woman out there." "A woman?" "What does she want?" "To come in." "No, no, no." "How does she look?" "Beautiful." "I'll go and look for myself." "Please behave yourselves for just a moment." "Yes?" "Could you tell me if there is a Mr. Pfeiffer in your class?" "Do you mean this boy here?" "I would like to speak with him." "Well, we're taking a quiz right now." "Now Professor, don't be so strict." "Send him out here." "If it won't take too long." "Whom shall I say is here?" "He can see for himself." "Yes, and what is this regarding?" "That doesn't make any difference." "Then I'm not interested in helping you." "Professor!" "He is a bit unruly and not very well behaved..." "What?" "Him?" "Oh..." "He keeps us all in stitches." "Where exactly do you know him from?" "From Berlin of course." "I see." "You're from Berlin." "Yes, you look like you are from Berlin." "You know what?" "Just leave me and these boys alone." "Thank you." "Hans, are you here?" "He must have just left." "In the afternoons he is always going somewhere." "Can I get something for you?" "Oh, now I know who you are." "You are his aunt." "Yes, I know you from the picture hanging over there which he hung over there." "Did you write him that you were coming?" "Sometimes it's better to arrive unannounced." "A surprise." "I'm sure he will be thrilled." "No, how young you look." "Yes, dear woman..." "We notice how old we are becoming by our children." "So how is my.... my nephew doing?" "Great, he has become a lovely young man." "Oh, well then he certainly has a little girlfriend by now?" "No!" "What would he do with a girlfriend?" "He has no time for girls." "He is only interested in his books." "Oh, here he comes." "Some nice, refreshing coffee." "We'll be wanting some cheesecake." "Just wait." "I'll pour for us." "Ohh!" "What?" "Pfeiffer, we can't tell you that you can't be here, but don't you think it is a bit unusual that you are sitting here at the table next to us..." "Oh, well if I could sit with all of you." "Of course I'd like to." "I just didn't think it would be proper." "Would you please introduce to me both of these ladies?" "No?" "Nice to meet you, Pfeiffer." "Nice to meet you." "Pfeiffer." "The principal was so kind as to invite me over." "Well, do I really get to sit next to these precious young ladies?" "Mam, I don't know if you have already heard about me." "I am extraordinarily pleased, to find out that you are the charming wife... of our highly esteemed principal." "Oh, thank you." "I am even more astounded to see how.." "similar you and your sister look." "But no, Mr. Pfeiffer, this is my little daughter." "You don't say!" "What do you know?" "That just can't be the truth." "You already have such a grown up daughter?" "I thought that this young woman was..." "What did you think?" "...would be your daughter." "You overestimate my age." "I'm not that old." "Yes, Professor, you're right." "I didn't think it through." "At the very most you are twice as old as Miss Eva." "But don't worry." "In 20 years it will be a completely different mix." "You will only be 1 1/2 times as old, and in 100 years you will be..." "Let me do the math..." "Pfeiffer, if you have anything else something else for today ...anything...if you were to have anything else planned..." "Well of course he has to finish his homework." "We'll do that in school tomorrow morning." "But if I have your permission, even though I could talk a little bit more about myself  I don't want to hold you up anymore." "It has been a real pleasure." "Of course he's not here anymore." "But we can't do our Greek..." "Come on, Greek?" "I'm sure he's got some cigarettes tucked away here somewhere." "What the heck is this?" "It's a hair bow." "Absolutely." "You have to treat women poorly." "First I will marry..." "Because you have to." "Your girlfriend colors her hair blonde." "Can you do that?" "With bleach, H2-O2." "This is why I don't get chemistry." "Of course there are no cigarettes." "Whoah, what in the world is this?" "Would you two gentlemen perhaps like a cigarette from me?" "You are allowed to smoke, aren't you?" "Who is that?" "Don't know." "I'm sure she's waiting on Hans." "You think so?" "Not bad at all." " Introduce me." " We can't do this." " Go on!" " We can't do this." "You're going to introduce me and..." "Gentlemen!" "Let's not fight." "But next time you had better knock, when a lady is sleeping in the room." "You both could very easily put me in a compromising situation." " Yes, of course." " Excuse us." " Please excuse us." "There is no need to be embarrassed gentlemen," "You also don't need to think about running away," "Just turn around." "And since you both are acting so cute," "I will allow you to put my shoes on for me." "Ouch... but gentlemen..." "Well they didn't have any more streusel so I got us some..." "Ohh..." "Marion...?" "Well, it's amazing that you still know my name." "Yes, quite amazing." "So nice that you have come." "May I introduce my friends to you?" "If we're somehow getting in your way, you..." "Come on, get out of here." "ls she from Berlin?" "Man, this is my aunt." "Go on, go!" "Well." "Well now, there you are." "Yes, here I am." "It's so nice of you to come." "You've said that three times." "No only twice." "Three times." "Fine, then you can start." "Of course you know that your big part is coming up in this comedy we are playing out here." "You'll ask me whether or not I am crazy." "I will ignore your question as if it is unworthy of a response." "The you will prove to me, that this whole thing is an outrageous farce and that a person can not become a child again, just by putting a pupil's cap on their head." "Then you will make it all too clear that in reality this is an escape, from the world, from you, and even from myself." "That all of my opportunities in Berlin are fading away, that my premiere is in danger and my publisher, and the minister of culture are upset and so on and so on..." "All quite true." "But then I will answer you... in very brief fashion; in fact, in only one sentence:" "I feel pretty damn comfortable here." "That is not the job of a poet." "You said that quite beautifully." "And you've gotten really fat too." "I've gotten younger." "For Christmas you can give me a novel about the Wild West." "And for Easter a basket of candy." "You're acting so silly." "At any rate I have completely botched your big scene." "You're wrong, my dear Hans." "I do my acting in the theater only, not in my private life... ..." "In my private life, I have other means." ""May has arrived"" "Do we have to walk past this place?" "This is not just a place, this is my school." "You'll have to allow me to enjoy this one last farewell look." "Ohh, see this gate here?" "There were so many mornings that I came waltzing through here, mostly with a bad conscience, and without my Latin." "In the afternoons I would stroll back out, my stomach full of hunger and my head full of nonsense." "Can we move on please?" "When did the Western Goths conquer the..." "You hear that up there, on the corner?" "That's us." "That is my class." "We just had history with Doctor Brett, Na great guy." "Actually they are all great guys come to think of it." "Hey, we have a little break right now." "Come on." "Where to?" "Ohhh." "Marion, I just had a wonderful idea." "You know what?" "Why don't you go home alone." "I'll stay here." "Come on!" "[Murmuring in the background]" "What a beauty." "The "nose"!" "Sit down." "You have been studying the great German poets." "Luck, go to the board and write down their names and the dates they lived." "Write big and clearly." "You have plenty of room." "Where are you coming from so late..." "Oh!" "It's nothing." "Just a bit of a bad toothache." "Here is my written excuse if you want to see it." "Wh- wh- why aren't you staying at home?" "Well Professor, here I have more diversions." "That's just great." "Now, sit down...carefully." "All of you could learn from Pfeiffer's example." "How far have you gotten, Luck?" "Why aren't you writing anymore?" "The board is full." "Well, turn it over." "I can't." "It's stuck." "Hmmm, let me show you." "Maybe I should erase this?" "Go and get the principal." "I have to say, I am very disappointed." "To see this disgusting example of classroom disruption... in my school." "I'm disappointed in all of you." "I want to give the guilty student the opportunity, to voluntarily turn himself in ." "No!" "Not here in front of the class." "He'll have to come to my room." "What do you want, Pfeiffer?" "Well, Principal, you might get angry but I think the picture is really nice." "Pfeiffer!" "A young girl, probably from a proper family... and without any clothes on." "Yes, but Principal, I don't see it that way." "This is no girl." "It is supposed to be a boy." "We're just not quite done with it yet." "Yes... in fact, I thought the same thing myself." "But at any rate, I think it is extraordinarily nice... that this embarrassing incident has come to such an innocent resolution." "And from now on we will never speak about it again." "Ackermann, erase the board." "Where did we stop yesterday in our reading of "Don Carlos"?" "Fourth act." "Let's read on with separate roles." "Who would like to take the part of the noble Marquis Posa?" "Rosen is the right man for that role." "Good." "Hosemann, you take the role of Princess Eboli." "For God's sake, leave me..." "What did he say to you, you unfortunate one?" "Nothing." "Leave me alone, nothing." "How much do you know?" "There is no escape for you now." "You will not tell anyone else about this in this lifetime." "Good God, what do you mean by that?" "You don't want to..... kill me?" "ln fact I do." "I'll make it quick." "Oh, dear and eternal mercy." "What error have I committed?" "If you don't mind?" "Pfeiffer, you can't stay focused." "What is this?" "It's a letter from a friend." "Then let's read it:" ""Look for me at the usual time and at the usual place."" "A thousand kisses...?" "Exclamation point." "Signed: "Big E?" "Period"." "Who is that?" "But this has nothing to do with school." " Who is "E Period"?" " I won't tell you." "Fine." "Then I'll have the principal determine whose handwriting this is." "Professor, may I just, for one second..." "Thank you." "Give me back the letter!" "Give me back the letter!" "Pfeiffer!" "We'll talk more about this." "I'll expect you in my apartment at 3 o'clock." "Your teacher was expecting you... an hour ago." "He is very angry." "If you'll have a seat for just a moment, he'll be right in." "Pfeiffer, once again you are late." "I asked for you to come at 3 o'clock." "It is just now 3." "Then your watch is wrong." "It is two minutes past four." "Couldn't it be that your watch is wrong?" "Oh, no it's not possible." "I'll prove it to you." "You see...?" "I don't understand this." "I'll have to get this repaired." "I'm afraid I treated you unjustly." "Have a seat." "So, let's get to the reason for your visit." "So, who is this "Big E Period"?" " Or do you not wish to tell me?" " Nein." "Very admirable, but it will not help you." "I have already found out another way." "I know you're going to be extremely angry with me and I know I'll probably fail my final exams... I am never angry with my students." "That goes against my principles, which I have written about in my book, "the duty of a teacher..."" "Yes, well, then can I go?" "One moment." "You may well be an average student, but in spite of that you may be a very admirable human being." "You havec caught the eye of and turned the head of an inexperienced young lady." "You will no doubt destroy any possibilty there might have been... for you to have a secure and well-to-do life." "Are you ready to take the responsibility for that?" "Well, I'll have to think about it." "But, excuse me, Professor." "I have another appointment." "Oh!" "May I?" "Thank you very much." "Good bye." "Poor Eva." "Tell me really quickly, what are you thinking about?" "I'm not quite done with my thoughts just yet." "Are you afraid that you'll fail your final exam?" "There won't be any chance for that." " How is that?" " I'm leaving." "Probably pretty soon." "Hans!" "That's terrible." "And what about me?" "I'm taking you with me." "Oh, please tell me." "Just how do you think that will happen?" "Quite nicely." "As my wife of course." "Oh Hans, you shouldn't joke about such things with me." "I love you so terribly and I think you love me too, but we're both still going to school and we shouldn't be thinking about such things." "I'll be happy to wait for you." "We are old enough." "You're not so bright." "You have to find a job." "What can you do without a diploma?" "Come on, let's think about it, OK?" "Maybe an author." "You don't need a diploma, you don't have to go to college and you can earn money rather quickly." "You don't really think so?" "By the way, do you know my famous namesake, the famous author, Johannes Pfeiffer?" "The one with the "Novel of the Week"?" "But Hans, I would not compare you to him." "He is a real poet." "You could say that." "That is wonderful." "We were together quite a lot in Berlin." "I know a few things about him." "But Hans, now you're just bragging." "Have you actually ever seen him?" "What does he look like?" "Oh, pretty nice looking." "He's built a little like me," "His hair is a little bit longer and the glasses..." "You'll have to imagine me without glasses." "This goof wears only a monocle." "Yes, and that face..." "How can I describe it, Eva?" "If you really want to know... ...then just look at me." "Then you'll know how he looks" "What an imagination you have." "Not only do I look uncannily like this highly talented poet, but rather, in fact, I am he." "What is that supposed to mean?" "Just what I said." "I am Johannes Pfeiffer." "Three weeks ago I won the Literature Award." "My new comedy is playing at the Royal Playhouse." "Hold on." "What is wrong with you?" "First you know him well, then you want to look like him... now you say you are him." "You're too much today." "Seriously Eva, I swear to you." "You have no tact." "If you want to try an fool me, fine... but don't swear or invoke your word of honor." "I can show you my identification." "Ican introduce you to a woman from Berlin..." "Fine then, if you want to." "You don't need to get all upset." "You have to believe me, trust me and marry me." "But if you still believe that, I am nothing more than a poor student... then...then..." " then?" " then then someone else can have you." "Give me my coat please." "Here you are." " Bye." " Bye." "Have you done your geometry yet?" "Nope." "Did you?" "Hey, here comes Hans." "Hey, Hans, what's up?" "Why the long face?" " Doesn't matter." " Wasn't she nice to you?" "Stop talking like that." "Have you done the geometry?" "No, I'm leaving tomorrow." "Where to?" "Back to Berlin." "You're just going to leave?" "Tomorrow I'm going to turn in my resignation." "Tomorrow I'm going to do something, that will force them to throw me out." "And then that will be the end." "Good night." "Yes, what is it?" "It's already 8 o'clock." "Don't you have school today?" "But it's only 7." "Seven?" "No, it was 7 some time ago." "For goodness sake!" "This is the fault of that disrespectful snit..." " Look out!" "The "nose" is coming!" " Oh, the "nose"..." "He'll be coming a little bit later today." "As far as I'm concerned he can stay at home..." "Don't talk like that." "Girls have ruined me." "You already have one." "Should I get the girls to come over here?" " What?" " How?" "Right." "Follow me." "What?" "That's just..." "He's gone crazy." "Hey you, come here." "Run on over to the girls school." "Tell the principal that our principal says hello." "And then tell her the following:" "Today we are having a man come to our chemistry class, who is going to show us radium. - a man who is going to show us radium." "And ask her whether she wouldn't like to send over her older classes, so that the girls could see that." "Understood?" " Yes!" " Now go on!" ""TEACHERS ONLY"" "Is it OK that we're here?" "It's always OK for you to be here." "So what do we do now?" "I don't know." "Knebel, talk to them." "What should I say?" "Where is the man with the Radio?" "The man who is going to show us the radio." "I mean the radium." "Radium?" "Oh yes, him!" "Yes, well, he'll be here soon." "Don't you have a teacher?" "Pfeiffer said that the "nose" won't be here today..." "Where is Pfeiffer?" "He's not here today." "You're burning my mouth." "You could get up on time." "You certainly have enough clocks." "ln my entire life I have never been late." "With the exception of today." "Sit down please." "You should all have a seat." "Ladies, I thank you for such a joyous reception, and I believe, that I am liked better by you than by my own students." "Unfortunately today I am running late, and according to the principles of my often mentioned book: "The rights of a teacher... taking into consideration the institution of higher learning..."" "must not differ from those which exist for the students." "Ackermann, write this down in the class book:" "Professor "Nose" will receive one hour detention... because of his unexcused tardiness." "We will be very brief." "Professor Kray has been chosen for a position as principal in another school." "I would just like to be personally observe... his teaching methods." "Superintendent, that will be just fine." "In fact Professor Kray has chemistry right now with his Upper School class." "If you would like to go and sit in... I would like to." "What are you doing?" "Don't you want to come and see?" "Take it easy." "Just because the superintendent is here..." "You know, Kray is to be envied for this principal's position, in spite of his sometimes unique teaching methods." "Now, your methods are also sometimes unique." "So don't you want to let your old colleague know... which methods, in your opinion... are the correct methods?" " Mine." " Aha." "When is exactly a method correct?" " When the teacher becomes the friend of his pupils?" " Yes." "...and the pupils respect him." "Unfortunately no." "This new age has new methods." "Yes, you young teachers always want to make things better... and you will!" "I'm too old for any new methods." "Dear Pömmel" " Excuse me, Professor..." "Oh please, just call me Pömmel." "Young trees have to be bound, so they can grow properly, and so that they don't sprout and bloom in every direction." "And that is just how it is with young people." "Discipline has to be the tie that binds them." "So that they grow to a beautiful maturity." "Don't you worry, that your trees will grow right up into the sky?" "No, never." "Life takes care of that." "Have you noticed that too?" "Radium...radium is a divalent element which has the property of being luminescent in the dark." "And now I will show you, but for this demonstration it has to be completely dark." "Ackermann, go to the windows and pull the curtains." "Please, please, do not let us interupt you." "You were just making a little joke?" "Science spiced with humor." "Carry on with the lesson." "Please carry on." "Pfeiffer, for heaven's sake." "Please keep up this charade." "Don't worry." "You won't be punished." "I give you my word." "Please, please." "So, now where were we?" "The chemistry of farm soil." "Friedrich the Great had already recognized the problem." "It is from him that we have the saying:" ""He who makes it possible for two stalks to grow, where there was previously only one is greater than the greatest military general."" "Another example: again, it was a German, who through his scientific research, laid the foundation for... our modern day agricultural chemistry." "We can call him the father of fertilizer." "He studied in Giessen, he discovered chlorinated chloroform, created new techniques for analysis." "He has become more well known because his name has been associated with a popular meat extract." "So, what is this chemist's name?" "Maggi!" "I mean Liebig." "Where did these young girls come from?" "The girls, well, yes..." "This is the Upper School class of the girl's school next door." "Ohhh, you are experimenting with a co-educational system." "Very modern, and not bad." "Please keep me informed of your results." "Teacher, very, very nice." "Please, carry on." "Nice." "Very good, Ackermann.A-/B+." "Have a seat." "Pfeiffer, carry on." "Where is he hiding himself?" "He is absent." "Pity." "Too bad, too bad." "Superintendent." "I would have so much liked to have introduced you to the biggest hooligan in our school." "That's fine, no need." "You can expect very soon... a glowing report from us." "I thought his lesson was just excellent, very fresh and original." "We can go now." "You disrespectful jerk!" "Let him through." "I'll kick you out of this class." "Ackermann, call the police!" "Luck, call the fire department!" "Principal, you see now!" "Pardon me gentlemen." "I have a question." "Which one of you is the real Professor Kray?" "I am, Superintendent." "It's obvious." "I am, Superintendent, because I was here earlier." "It's probably better if we just let the gentlemen work this out." "Principal, let me know when I can come back." "I'll be expecting your report." "Principal, we can make this short and sweet." "You won't have to say one unfriendly word." "You will want to throw me out." "I agree that you should." "I worked it out this way." "I've earned it, I planned on it." "No. no Pfeiffer." "It is much worse than that." "I can't do anything to you." "I can't punish you in any way." "I have given you my word on that." "What!" "?" "You mean I can't leave yet?" "What does someone have to do to get kicked out of this school?" "A murder?" "...or lead your daughter astray?" "Yes, Hans, you can!" "I'll stand by your side whether you have a diploma or not." "Oh Papa, we want to become authors." " Then you'll both starve." " It doesn't matter We'll get through it, won't we, Hans." "I've done it." "I'm leaving and I get to keep my Eva." "Me, the pupil, Hans Pfeiffer." "By the way, I almost forgot:" "Here is my High School Diploma... here is my PhD diploma, my literary award, and this you will find especially interesting, my dear father-in-law, the last paycheck from my publisher and my income tax return." "If he really is the author, then maybe he'll write a novel about us." "Maybe an unseemly film?" "Gentlemen, it's already been done." "But don't worry." "I have exaggerated everything so much, that nobody will be recognizable." "Besides, a high school like the one you have here with teachers like you, and with students like us doesn't even exist." "I confess publically, that I made up the entire story from A-Z, the school, the principal, the teachers and even little Eva." "Yes, I even made up my own part." "The only true part of the entire story is the beginning:" "The Fire Tong Bowl." "The only true things are our memories that we carry with us, the dreams that we spin and the desires, which drive us." "These are the things that should keep us content..."