"(EXPLOSION)" "MAN:" "Yep, that's me." "Kronk." "Wait." "Where did I go?" "Right, there I am." "Covered in cheese like a human pizza." "My life was fine until today." " But now I'm doomed." "Doomed!" " Ah!" "You know, it wasn't always like this." "I helped save the emperor's life." "Found a rewarding career." " Next slide!" " (BABY COOING)" "I even made some great new friends." "Oh!" "But look at me now!" "Hiding out like a frightened kid who needs a hug from his teddy bear." "The little yellow one with the button nose." "Ah, if only I could turn back the clock." "Back to a time when I had a spring in my step and a smile in my heart." "A time I like to think of as... (READING)" "(SNIFFING) Ahhh!" "Mmm!" "Mmm!" "WOMAN: (SINGING) Come on!" "Mmm-hmm" "That's what I'm talking about" "Look out!" "Here it comes!" "See him walkin' down the street" "With a merry gleam in his eye" "He's loved by everyone in this town" "He's loved by this town" "To look at him now you'd never know He was once the kind of guy" "Who tried to bring an empire down" "An empire down" "He lost his groove, he lost his way When he fell in with a woman" "Who wanted to take over the world" "But then he did a full 180" "Said vamoose to the shady lady" "Now he'll teach your kid to talk like a squirrel" " Squeakity squeaken." " Squeak, squeaken!" "And though he spreads such joy everywhere he goes" "Looks like this town's fly guy" "Will be the last to know" "There is nothing to prove" "Don't have to approve the way that you move" "Don't have to be smart or be rich or be smooth" "Don't have to make art that could hang in the Louvre" "If you just go with your heart" " Then you'll be true to your groove" " True to your groove" " You should be true to your groove" " True to your groove" " You should be true to your groove" " True to your groove" "Yeah, you should be true to your" "Oh, you should be true to your groove" "MAN:" "So right about now you're probably wondering," ""Hey, where's that emperor guy?"" "Ha-ha!" "Wella, wella, boom baby!" "Emperor Kuzco here, coming at you live from the palace." "GUARDS:" "Hail Kuzco!" "No, please, don't grovel." "I'd feel stupid." "I'm not that kind of guy anymore." "I'm nice now." "Didn't you see the first movie?" "Yay!" "A 50-foot me!" "Oh, I love that movie, 'cause it's all about me." "(CHUCKLES)" "But right now it's Kronk's turn to be in the limelight." "Let me put this as simply as I can." "This one's his movie." "Not my movie." "His movie." "Not mine." "His, not mine." "His." "Not mine." "You got it?" "Even the little ones?" "Okay." "I'll be back to check on you later." "Have some popcorn, a little sippy-sip of your sip stuff." "Places, please." "Action!" "(BELL DINGS)" "WOMAN:" "Ordering!" "Waffle platter, extra butter, two honey-glazed pill bugs and a chocolate sundae, hold the cherry." "One diet plate." "Got it." "KRONK:" "Yeah, it was shaping up to be another perfect day." "The orders were flying, the joint was jumping, grease was popping..." "And everybody knew my name." "ALL:" "Kronk!" "Oh, yeah, I was living the dream." "Hey, Kronk!" "How about some grub?" " Pacha!" " Hey, Kronk!" "Tipo." "Chaca." "(BABY COOING)" "(GIGGLING)" "Put her there, Junior Chipmunks." "Nice handshake, Chippers!" " Mmm." "Someone's been practicing." " Oh!" "You're too kind." "Pacha, you forgot your change yesterday." "Hey, thanks, Kronk!" "Well, what's right is right." "Otherwise..." " It'd be wrong!" " Right." "Boy, the place is packed." "Yeah." "Never had this many friends when I was an evil henchman." "And look at you now, chef at Mudka's." "And head delivery boy!" "MAN:" "Delivery Boy logo by permission of Delivery Boy Local 8675309." " I get my one-year pin next week." " That calls for a celebration!" "A toast to Kronk!" "May you be this happy till the day you die!" "(THUNDER CLAP)" " Ah!" " (SCREAMING)" "(RECORD SCRATCHING)" "(CLEARS THROAT)" "I've come to deliver this urgent llamagram." "(ALL SIGHING)" "BIRD:" "Llamagram." "Thank you." "(GASPS)" "Everything okay, buddy?" "Oh!" "(LAUGHING)" "Are you kidding?" "It's just your run-of-the-mill urgent llamagram." "(SCREAMS)" "What am I gonna do?" "What am I gonna do?" "I know." "I'll tunnel out of here with a spoon, escape through the sewers and live as a quiet but lonely shepherdess named Maria." "That'll work." "(SCREAMS)" "We're out of spoons!" "That's it." "I'm done for." "Chin up, big guy." "I'm here for you." "You!" "This is all your fault!" "You..." "You're the one who got me into this mess!" "If you'd listened, you could have had everything." "But no." "You had to listen to Ms. Goody Two-Wings." "Mr. Goody Two-Wings." "Yeah, big talk coming from a guy in a dress." " I told you, it's a robe." " And those are pearls." "Fellas!" "You're not helping." "Now where was I?" "Oh, yeah." "Doomed!" " What's with you?" " It's my father." "He's..." "He's..." "Coming for a visit." "(SIGHS)" ""Can't wait to meet your wife and kids and see your big house on the hill." ""Cordially, your father, Papi. "" "So?" "So Papi said I have to have all those things if I'm ever gonna be a success." "And I once had them, but I lost them!" " So?" " I never told him that part." "Big whoop." "Tell him the truth." "What?" "Tell him the truth?" "Are you nuts?" "You don't let a guy like Papi down, or you'll get one of these." "The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection." "Total rejection." "Right, right." "Mmm-hmm." "I remember it well." "Too well." "KRONK:" "You see, I was always..." "Different growing up." "(GIGGLING)" "Squeak, squeaker, squeaken?" "(SQUIRRELS SCREAM)" "KRONK:" "Papi didn't approve." "He said if I didn't get serious, I'd never amount to anything." "But nothing I ever did was good enough for him." "(SNIFFLING)" "All I ever wanted was a thumbs up from Papi." "And I was so close." "I once had a beautiful house on a hill." "Papi woulda loved it." "That house was a dream come true." "Are you gonna tell me your life story, or are we gonna get back to running a restaurant?" " You're right." "Priorities." " (BUBBLING)" "Get comfortable." "I've got a lot to get off my chest." "Oy!" "I had to ask." "My nightmare began on a day like any other." "So, technically, I guess that would be a "daymare. "" "But I digress." "It was lunchtime, and I was making my usual deliveries around town." "I always saved the best stop for last, to see my dear old friends at the Flickering Embers Home for Seniors." "A happier group of folks you'd never hope to meet." "A perfect example of how to grow old with grace and dignity." "Does this look like a rash to you?" "Has anybody seen my teeth?" "Oy!" "My aching knee." "(SIGHS)" "I sure wish there was some way to stop getting old." "WOMAN:" "If only they could put youth in a bottle." "I'd pay anything for that." "Again with the youth potion." "How many times do I have to tell you, there's no such thing!" " But if there were..." " But there's not!" " I said "if"!" " If, schmiff!" "Okay, you two lovebirds." "I don't have any youth potion, but I did bring you lunch." " Hello, Kronk!" " Hello, Kronk!" " Hiya, Kronk!" " Rudy!" "Gimme some stick." "What's shaking?" " What isn't?" " (LAUGHS)" "Brought your favorite, purée of mystery meat." "Oooh!" "Now that's a lunch I can sink my teeth into." "And to complement your meal, prune juice." "Ahhh!" "Drink up, everyone!" "Liquid gold." "(LAUGHS)" "MAN:" "Ugh!" "How can you drink that stuff?" "Kronk says it's good for us." "Good enough for me." "Fill her up, Kronk!" " I guess that's everything." " Aren't you forgetting something?" " No, that's not it." " Here you go, pal." "RUDY:" "From all of us." "Oh, no, Rudy." "I couldn't." "We insist!" "It's for your house fund." "You know." "So you can afford that house on the hill your father always wanted you to have." "Oh, yeah." "And then I could finally get the big thumbs up from Papi." "Yeah." "How's that going?" " Oh, I'll get there." "Someday." " (COIN RATTLING)" "(WOMAN CACKLING)" "How about fresh pill bug tomorrow?" " MAN:" "All right!" " I'll see you all later." "Oh, boy." "Uh, somebody lose this?" "Anybody?" "That's weird." "(WHOOPING)" "(SHOUTING)" "Ooh!" "Hey!" "KRONK:" "Little did I know, my life was about to be changed forever." "If only there'd been some kind of warning." " A sign." " (MEOWING)" "Anything." "You're a feisty one." "(CHUCKLES) Hold still now." " Huh?" " (ECHOING LAUGHTER)" "Hmm..." " (BATS SCREECHING)" " Ah!" "All right." "Where'd you go, you little rascal?" "WOMAN:" "Looking for this?" "(SCREAMING)" "(SIGHS)" "Hello, Kronk." "Yzma!" "What are you doing here?" "I live here." "Ever since I was thrown out of the palace." "Ah." "Weird." "Never seen you around." "Ah, but I've seen you, Kronk." " Oh, you look good." " You think?" " At least you're not a cat anymore." " (MEOWING)" " Except for that." " Yes." "An unfortunate side effect of our last escapade together." "Yeah." "Good times." "(LAUGHING) You drank that potion, turned you into a cat." "Who would have thought?" "It was a pink one like this." "Don't touch the pink one!" "(STAMMERING) It's cough medicine." "Hope you get to feeling better." "I'd love to stay and reminisce, but..." " I've been watching you." " Yeah." "And I have a proposition for you." "A business proposition." "Oh." "Whoo!" "You see, Kronk, I'm not the person I once was." "I've changed." "I've turned myself around and devoted myself to..." "(STAMMERING)" "(READING)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Oh, well, that's some turnaround." "I want to help those old geez..." "I mean, your friends out there." "Wouldn't you do anything to ease their suffering, Kronk?" "Of course I would, Yzma." "Good." "Then follow me!" "Pull the lever!" "Uh..." "This lever?" " I worked out the bugs." " Just checking." "Whoo!" "(LAUGHING) Huh?" "Wait for it." "(SCREAMING)" "This is even better than your last one!" "Whoo!" "Welcome to my new secret lab." " Souvenir photo?" " Rats!" "My eyes are closed." "YZMA:" "Follow me!" "KRONK:" "Whoa!" "Looks like someone's been busy." "YZMA:" "I've finally done it." "I've created the elixir of life." "The answer to everyone's prayers." "Behold!" "The fountain of youth in a bottle!" "(THUNDER CRASHING)" " Regular and diet." " Huh." "What do you call this?" "Yzma's Young and Beautiful!" "Heh." "Catchy." "And now that you're here," "I finally have the one person who can make my plan a success!" "And that person would be..." " You." " Me!" "I knew that." "Wait." "Why me?" "Because I'm not exactly what you call a "people person. "" "And everyone trusts you." "Those old people will buy anything you tell them to." "So you want me to sell this to them?" "What do you say, Kronk?" "Help me to help you to help them?" "I can't take money from them." "It wouldn't be right." "Oh, too bad." "Now I guess you'll never get that great big house on a hill and the big thumbs up from Papi." "Papi?" "Bingo." "Whoa!" "He wants to come on up to your house" "Have some supper" "What will you serve it on, Kronk?" "Plastic Tupper?" "You don't even own a fixer-upper" "Help me to help you to help him" "Help you to help me to help who?" " I need gold, Kronk!" " (RECORD SCRATCHES)" "(LAUGHS) I mean, you need gold." "So sign your name" "On this line" "Avoid disaster" ""You'll achieve a beautiful connection with your father. "" "Just faster Win Papi's love" "With that pile of plaster" "Help me to help you to help him" "And then you'll hear him say" "Hey, hey, hey" "I'm milking the Milky Way" "I'm loving this lovely day" "And I" "Feel like a million" "Wow zee wow" "This cat is back, and how" "I'm taking my big-time bow when I feel like a million" "A million, a million" "A million" "(PURRING) Yes!" "Now, sell, sell, sell!" "KRONK:" "Whoa!" "Step right up." "It's finally arrived." "The cure for everything that ails you." "Yzma's Young and Beautiful!" "(CRICKETS CHIRPING)" "Ugh." "It's a, uh, youth potion." "ALL:" "Ohhh!" " Here you go." " MAN:" "Kronk!" "Does this stuff really work?" "(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)" "Does this stuff really work?" "Of course it does, you idiot!" "Of course it does, you idiot!" "(GASPING)" "Good enough for me!" "Drink up, everyone!" "Liquid gold." "(YZMA CHUCKLING)" "Oh." "Look at my range of motion!" "My elbow doesn't creak!" "I'm melting away the pounds!" "Hair!" "I've got hair!" "By golly, this stuff really works!" "Hey, hey, hey" "I'm milking the Milky Way" "I'm loving this lovely day" "And I feel like a million" "Wow zee wow" "This cat is back, and how" "I'm taking my big-time bow and I feel like a million" "Feel like a million in a million ways" "Feel like a million" "Feel like a million" "Feel like a million" "Look out, old Yzma's back!" "(LAUGHING)" "Well, that worked." "(CACKLING)" "Suckers!" "It's like a dream come true." "I put slime in a bottle, call it a youth potion and they can't get enough." "I'll be rich!" "I'll be on top of the world!" "Again!" " (CACKLING) - (THUNDER CRACKING)" "(KUZCO LAUGHING)" "Shut up!" "Whoo!" "Could she be crazier?" "Cuckoo!" "You see what's going on here, don't you, folks?" "Here's a hint." "You got sewer slime, fancy packaging, crazy laugh like a demon from the bowels of the earth." "It's a scam!" "Her potion's a fake!" "She's selling snake oil, people!" "Wake up!" "Oh, you saw it already, huh?" "Well, smarty, I bet you didn't see this!" "Oh!" "Yikes!" "That's gonna haunt me in my nightmares." "Can we just move on, please?" "KUZCO:" "Guy in the booth!" "Now!" " (HORN HONKING)" " Big load of happy coming through." "Doesn't get better than this, does it?" "I'm making tons of cash for my house fund." "Now if only I could find a house on a hill." "Kronk, heard you were looking for a house on a hill." " You heard right." " We need money for more potion." " Oh, yeah?" " So we're selling the senior home." "Good luck with that." "(HUMMING)" "How much?" "Sold!" "Look, everyone!" "I sold the house!" "OLD PEOPLE:" "Hooray!" "Okay." "Take care." "Bye-bye." "(WHISTLES)" "Oh, yeah." "It's all coming together." "KRONK:" "Dear Papi, remember how you never thought I'd amount to anything?" " Well, I got news for you." " (SQUEAKING)" "Good news!" "I finally got that big house on a hill you always wanted me to have." "It's really great." "You're gonna love it." "It's got all the amenities." "Swimming pool, golf course..." "The windmill's a killer." "And my favorite part of all..." " (TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTING)" " Whoo!" "Pancake Junction!" "(CHUCKLING)" "I even built a cozy little guest wing just for you." "Yep." "Just a big, serious house for a big, serious guy." "Like me." "That's who I am." "Marge, you getting all this?" " Tina." " Right." "Sorry." "Anyway, Papi, don't just take my word for it." "Come see for yourself." "I know you're gonna be so proud of your..." "Little Kronker." " Mr. Kronk?" " Yes, Tina?" " Marge." " Right." "Wait." "What?" " A Mr. Rudy is here to see you." " Rudy?" "Rudy who?" "Hey, Kronk!" "(GASPING)" "Oh, that Rudy." "(LAUGHING) Long time no see!" "Rudy!" "What happened to you?" "You're not wearing any clothes." "Oh, that." "I sold my clothes to buy more of Yzma's youth potion." "You sold your clothes?" "I sold everything." "We even sold the senior home." " You sold your home?" " Yeah." "To you." "Oh, yeah." " (SIGHS) We're flat broke." " That's awful." "I know." "I can't afford any more youth potion." "Think you can do anything to help out an old friend?" "Oh." "How about if I spot you a bottle?" "(IMITATING GOLLUM) My precious!" "Kronk just wants to keep it." "We must not let him." "No!" "Something's just not right here." "Figure that out on your own, genius?" "Yeah, sure did." " Figured what out?" " (GROANS) Okay." "Uh..." "Take a look at your pal, Rudy." "This is before." "This is after." "Before." "After." "You see any difference?" "Hmm." "Can I see "before" again?" "Well, I give up." "They look exactly the same." "He looks exactly the same, so the potion is worthless, and Yzma's a crook, and it's all my fault because I helped her do it." "What's the problem?" "Look at him." "He's happy." "(SLURPING)" "(SNORTING)" "Eh, fine." "You win." "Oh, yeah." "(WHIMPERING)" "Rudy?" "Yzma's youth potion is a fake." "She cheated you." "Oh?" "And..." "I cheated you too." "Oh..." "I'm sorry." "I guess we better go tell the others." "(GASPS) The others!" "I almost forgot!" "They're about to elect Yzma emperor!" "I never knew that was an elective office." " CROWD:" "Yzma for emperor!" " Thank you, thank you!" "I'd like to thank all the little people, but what do they matter?" " What matters is me, me, me!" " (CHEERING)" "(YZMA CACKLING)" "And when you elect me as your new emperor," "I'm going to be on top of the world!" " KRONK:" "Stop this charade!" " Yzma's youth potion is a fake!" "(ALL GASPING)" "Kronk?" "What are you doing?" " I want you all to look at Rudy..." " Uh!" "And tell me what you see." "Whoo!" "That is one hot hunk of man!" "He's in his golden years." "Not getting any younger." "Chronologically challenged." "I got wrinkles, bunions, ear hair!" "I'm still old!" "Hey, he's right." "I'm still old too." "Me too!" "And Hildy looks like..." "Uh-uh-uh." "Don't even!" "ALL:" "Yzma's a crook!" "(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)" " MAN 1:" "Yzma's a witch!" " Would you excuse me a moment?" "MAN 2:" "Get her!" "MAN 3:" "She's getting away!" "Come on, fellas!" "Hit it, girls!" "(YELLING)" "(BLEATING)" "(GRUNTING)" "(SCREAMING)" " Whoo-hoo!" " Yippee!" "RUDY:" "There she is!" "MAN 1:" "She's a liar!" "MAN 2:" "Get her!" "WOMAN:" "Stop her!" " Don't let her get away!" " Shame on you!" "RUDY:" "Got you!" "Back off, or I'll jump!" "(SNAPPING)" "Wait!" "That can't be right." "Whoo!" "Okay." "Why don't we all just take a step back?" " Not you, Yzma." " (GROWLING)" "She stole everything we have!" "Yeah, we didn't chase her all the way down here for nothing!" "Nice moves back there, Hildy." "Oh!" "What about you?" "Pouncing like a wildcat." "(GROWLING)" "Hey, I just realized something." "We chased Yzma all the way down here." "Didn't I just cover that?" "Don't you see?" "We're busting moves like a bunch of teenagers!" "ALL:" "Ooh!" "So, what you're saying is, even though the potion was fake, we're only as old as we feel." "It's like you should thank Yzma for robbing you of every last cent." "Wait." "That can't be right." " Let's get her!" " Stand back!" "Don't make me use this!" "ALL:" "Ooh!" "Your cough medicine?" "No!" "My most fiendishly diabolical potion ever!" "When I drink this, you won't be able to lay a finger on me!" "(CACKLING)" " (CHOKING)" " Get her!" " How cute!" " Cutie pie!" "See?" "I told you so." "(BIRD CAWING)" "That's weird." "Let's all reflect on these lessons on our way home tonight." "Well, everyone, back to the alley." " You're living in an alley?" " Well, sure." "We sold our house to you." "I got dibs on the cardboard box!" "MAN:" "Come on!" "You had the box last night." "It's my turn." "This is awful." "I've got to find them a place to live." "But where can I find a gigantic house with 30 extra bedrooms?" "Where?" "Think, think, think!" " You thinking what I'm thinking?" " Too much salt in my spinach puffs?" "Oh, no!" "Your house!" "Right!" "Whoa, Nelly!" "Let's not overreact." "You wanna lose your dream house?" "That's gonna get us the big thumbs up from Papi." "If I lose the house, I'll let Papi down." "I can't let Papi down." "But you tricked Rudy out of that house!" "Oh, my!" "It's true!" "I took away Rudy's home!" "Hey!" "You got that house fair and square!" "Yeah, but he cheated his best friend!" "No, he didn't!" "Yes, I did." "(COUGHING)" "I gotta do the right thing." "KRONK:" "Rudy!" "Let's talk real estate." " (LAUGHING) - (SHOUTING)" "Looking jiggy, Burt!" "Feeling jiggy, Kronk!" "(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)" "All aboard for Pancake Junction!" "(SOBBING)" "Tina!" "Marge!" "You'll be okay." "I'll help you land on your feet." "Oh, don't worry about us." "We've been contacted by a team of headhunters." "(JUNGLE ANIMAL SOUNDS)" " But what's going to happen to you?" " Yes." "You're giving up everything." "No worries." "I may be giving up everything, but it was the right thing to do." "So when you think of our brief time together here, don't cry for me, Marge and Tina." "You didn't!" "(SIGHS) Afraid so." "(SOBBING)" "Oy." "Enough with the pity party." "You did good." "End of story." "Back to work." "Yeah, but doing good cost me my dream house." " And then..." " Don't tell me." "It cost me my girl." "I said don't tell me." "These oven mitts were the last thing she touched, other than my fragile heart..." "(SOBBING)" "Oy." "Before she walked out of my life." "Roll film!" " (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)" " Ah!" "(MUSIC DIES DOWN)" "Wrong movie." "CHILDREN:" "All hail to Camp Chippamunka" "We proudly pledge our troth to thee" "GIRL:" "What's a troth?" "KRONK:" "It all happened at Camp Chippamunka." "And greet our leaders cheerfully" "Yeah, right!" "KRONK:" "We were there for the Chipmunk Challenge." "We won Troop of the Year two years running, going for three." "C" " H-I-P-P-amunka can't you see" "You are the acorn of my eye" "Okay, Chippers!" "First, we gotta pitch the tents." "Yay!" "And then we'll review some basic camping terminology." "(SQUIRREL SQUEAKING)" "Hey, Bucky." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "Squeakity-squeak." "There's a new troop leader named Birdwell..." "Who wants to take away our... (GASPS) Trophy!" "TIPO:" "Look at them." "They're really snot and polish." "Yeah." "It's "spit and polish. "" " Snot." " Spit." " Snot!" " Spit!" "Whoa!" "Easy, kids." "Spit, snot, same general neighborhood." "And don't worry about this Birdwell guy, whoever he is." "The important thing here is that there are no losers." "But you always win." "Right, Kronk?" "We always win." "But winning's not what really counts." "Remember our motto." "ALL: "Keep the focus on fun!"" "(WHISTLES BLOW)" "Two shorts and a long." "The Aquatic Games are about to begin!" "You know what that means, Tipo?" "Right." "ALL:" "Last one in's a rotten egg!" "(LAUGHING)" "WOMAN: (REPEATING) Hup, hup, hup, hup." "Halt!" "Left face!" " BOY:" "Troop leader?" " Yes, Junior Chipmunk?" "Permission to speak." "Granted." "Yoli's afraid of the water again." "It's not me!" "It's Mrs. Queetzo." "Oh, gosh." "Well, we can't have that, can we?" "Now, uh, um, give me the doll." "Yes." "I'll have to have a word with her." "Now..." "See here, Mrs. Queetzo." "Yoli is a top-notch swimmer, and she's very, very brave." "So steady as you go, Chipper." "You're in excellent hands." "Yes." "Mm-hmm." "Oh, super-duper!" "That's more like it." "What did she say?" "She's going to be just tickety-boo." "Very well then." "And off you go." "Hup, hup, hup, hup..." "Let the aquatic competition begin!" "CHILDREN:" "Yeah!" "BOY:" "This is gonna be fun!" "GIRL:" "Hurry up!" "CHILDREN:" "Cannonball!" "Cannonball!" "Oh, I'm so proud of my little Chippers." "Oh, dear." "Are you all right?" "(MUMBLING)" "Oh, you're a troop leader." "Are you hurt?" "Can you speak?" "Blink if you can hear me." "KRONK:" "She was a vision." "Feet like a pair of landlocked tugboats." "Knees like brass doorknobs." "Elbows so rough they could take the grain right off a two-by-four." "And her eyes." "They say the eyes are the window to the soul." "Hers were more like steel-reinforced security doors with a combination I just had to crack." "No doubt about it." "She was the kinda girl you'd want to bring home to Papi." "Wow!" "The Chipmunk Handshake of Fellowship, Level Seven." "A level attainable only by the most dedicated of troop leaders." "You're good." "Well, you're better." "You're sensational." "You're dazzling." " I'm Kronk." " I'm Birdwell." "(GASPING)" " You're Birdwell?" " Yes." " But you're a girl!" " CHILDREN:" "Cannonball!" "CHILDREN:" "Ahhh!" "(COUGHING)" " Awesome!" " Phat wave, dude!" "Nice form, Chippers." "What do you think you're doing?" " Uh..." "Cannonball?" " ALL:" "Duh!" "(GASPS)" "Look at poor Mrs. Queetzo!" "She's all..." "All..." "Wet!" "Well, it is a swimming competition." "Oh, it's all about the competition with you?" "Yeah." "Wait." "What?" "No matter what it does to the tinies?" "Hey, I always put my, uh, tinies first." "Ha-ha!" "Obsessed with being first." "I knew it!" "Fortunately, there are rules about this sort of thing." " What sort of thing?" " Ahem!" "Rule 4.7, paragraph A, subsection 2, revised," ""Troops shall compete in alphabetical order." ""B before K, except after May," ""or when sounding like A as in 'neighbor' or 'weigh'."" "Says who?" "Says the Official Chipmunk Rulebook." "No way!" "ALL:" "Way!" "Troop Kronk is disqualified!" "(GASPING)" "The aquatic competition goes to Troop Birdwell!" "(CHEERING)" "Hey!" "That's not fair!" "You ruined the aquatic event for my poppets." "But now you've ruined it for my, uh..." " Poppets." " Poppets!" "I knew that!" "You should've thought of that sooner." "Come along, Chippers!" "Toodle pip!" "KRONK:" "Why is this happening?" "I just don't understand." "It just doesn't make any sense." "Was it loop over, loop under and pull, or loop under, loop over and pull?" "Tipo?" "You okay, little pal?" "We're gonna lose the trophy because of her." "CHILDREN:" "Yeah!" "Now, now." "Let's, uh, keep the focus on fun." " What about her?" " She disqualified us!" "Yeah, and you're the best troop leader ever, Kronk." "She can't do that to you." "Can she?" "Just who does she think she is?" "BIRDWELL:" "Just who does he think he is?" "(SNEEZES)" "Poor Yoli." "You'll catch your death of cold." "And then he tries to act all innocent." "Thinks he can charm me with those rippling muscles and that..." "That..." "Crooked smile and those deep, deep sensitive eyes." "(YOLI SNEEZES)" "No!" "He can't do this to my little Chippers." "She can't do this to my little Chippers." " Yeah!" " That's it." "Oh, that's it." "The gloves are coming off." "We're going mano a womano." " Let the games begin!" " Let the games begin!" " (PLAYING BUGLE) - (SCREECHES)" "(TIPO GRUNTING)" "(STRAINING)" "(GRUNTS)" "(GASPS)" "BIRDWELL:" "Stroke!" "Stroke!" "KRONK:" "So." "It all comes down to one event." "BIRDWELL:" "The Chipmunk Cheer-Off!" " There's only one thing to do." " There's only one thing to do." "Practice, practice, practice!" "Do whatever it takes to win!" "Here's how we're gonna do it!" "We're gonna hit them hard." "Come at them with everything we got." "Get out there and give a 110 percent!" "Whatever happened to "Keep the focus on fun"?" "We can't let him down." "We just gotta win that trophy for Kronk!" "You know what I'd do?" "Cheat." "(GASPS) What am I hearing?" "You can't do that!" "Nah-nah-nah-nah." "Stop it!" "Ha-ha." "Crybaby, crybaby, stick your head in pie, baby!" "Make him stop!" "Make him..." "Hey!" "Kronk said, "Do whatever it takes to win. "" "Right." "Whatever it takes." "Chin up, Chipmunks!" "Victory is ours!" "Soon as we practice our routine ten times through without a mistake." "(GROANING)" "Uh-uh-uh!" "Spirit smiles!" "I want to see spirit smiles!" "Yes." "That's more like it!" "Peppy and poised!" "Remember, don't think of your opponents as a rival troop." " Think of them as..." " The enemy!" "Layout." "Very good." "This is no ordinary cheer-off." " Basket toss." "Higher!" " (GIRL SCREAMS)" "This is a test of everything we stand for!" " The culmination of all of our efforts!" " You call that a backflip?" "BOTH:" "By this time tomorrow, the trophy will be ours!" "Right, Chipmunks?" "(SNORING)" "Chipmunks?" "Oh, man!" "This really stinks." "Yeah." "GIRL:" "I want to go swimming." "BOY:" "I want to have some fun." "I want to go home." " (SIGHS) - (SQUEAKING)" "This is all her fault." "This is all his fault." "Well, if there's one sure-fire way to cheer up a Chipmunk..." "It's raisin bread." "Okay, flour." "Sugar, raisins, yeast." "(GASPS) I'm out of eggs!" "(BIRDWELL GROANING)" "Look at her." "She's upset." "Take that, you..." "You, you, you, you..." "Take that!" ""Upset"?" "She's beating me in effigy." "But her soul yearns for the soothing salve of human kindness." "Go to her." "Go." "Hey, look." "Aren't those your eggs?" "(READING)" "Hey!" "What are you doing with my eggs?" "What are you doing with my raisins, sir?" " These aren't yours." " "Birdwell's raisins." ""Property of Birdwell." "Do not touch except for Birdwell. "" "Huh." "You think I would have seen that." " I need those raisins." " I need them more." " You're ruining this." " You're wrecking it." " You disqualified us!" " You tried to drown us!" " This is all your fault." " This is all your fault!" " Is not." " Is too!" " You twit!" " Give." " You give!" " You!" "(SOBBING)" "(BOTH SIGH)" "So, uh, your kids are really unhappy, huh?" "Rock-bottom, actually." "(SIGHS)" "I'm the worst troop leader ever." "I'm the worst troop leader ever." " How did we go wrong?" " I just became so competitive." "Yes, but I'm even more competitive than you." "You mean like that?" "(GUFFAWING)" "Hey, I like it when you laugh." "I've got a proposition." " My eggs, your raisins." " Oh!" "We could bake beautiful bread together." "Get out your oven mitts." "Things are about to get..." "Hot." "(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)" "(YELLING)" "I'm queen of the world!" "(BELL DINGS)" "Come on." "Throw caution to the wind." "I can't." "You'll laugh at me." "Don't you trust me?" "I do trust you." "Whoa!" "It's like a whole new you." " Really?" " Uh-huh." "I think this has been the best night of my whole life." "Me too." "Good night, Kronky-poo." "Good night, Ms..." "Birdy-poo." " (CRASHING) - (GRUNTING)" "Kronky-poo?" "KRONK:" "I'm okay!" "I'm fine!" "KRONK:" "Dear Papi, remember how I've never been able to meet the right girl?" "Uh, any girl?" "Well, I finally found the woman of my dreams." "She's everything you could want in a woman..." "And more." "Don't get too excited." "We'll take it nice and slow at first." " ALL:" "Mazel tov!" " We'll marry in a fancy ceremony and have lots of kids." "Love, Kronk." "(SIGHS)" "Perfect!" "(KUZCO SOBBING)" "He found his one true love!" "That is so beautiful!" "Can I have a moment, please?" "Turn away." "Okay." "Okay." "All better." "Go, go, go." "Go back to the funny." "I'm bringing you down." "CHILDREN:" "... loyal, brave and courteous" "And greet our leaders cheerfully... (ALL YAWNING)" " Good morning, Chippers!" " We've got a surprise for you." "Raisin bread!" "The one sure-fire way to cheer up a Chipmunk!" "Gotta tell you, Chippers, I'm, uh..." "Not proud of how I've been acting lately." " Neither am I, Kronky-poo." " ALL:" "Huh?" ""Kronky-poo"?" "So we're here to declare that the feud between us is officially over." "That means no more hostility..." " Quarreling..." " One-upmanship..." "We're doing it again, aren't we?" "They're finishing each other's sentences." "Yeah, it's creepy." "(SIGHS) But nice creepy." "The competition between our troops has gotten out of hand." "Which brings us to this afternoon's final event." " The Chipmunk Cheer-Off." " You're not canceling the cheer-off?" "Yeah." "We've been working on our routines all year!" "Very well, but only on one condition." "From now on, we want you to play fair..." "Be good sports..." " And..." " And..." "ALL:" "Keep the focus on fun!" " I'm so proud of them." " I'm so proud of them." "Hey, where's Tipo?" "(CHUCKLING) Kronk is gonna love this." "Scrape out these seed pods, mash them into itching powder, sneak the powder into their chalk at the cheer-off, and they'll be completely humiliated while we achieve total domination!" "(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)" "(FANFARE)" "Everybody ready?" " Megaphones?" " Check!" " Pom-poms?" " Check!" " Team spirit?" " Go, team!" "Go, team!" "Chaca, there is no "I" in "team. "" "But there's a "U" in "euphoric. "" "And there's a "me" in..." ""Mediocre. "" "I got you something." "For me?" "I know this is all really new." "And I hope you won't think that I'm moving too fast, but there comes a time when a man's gotta say how he feels." "Oh, Kronk." "Monogrammed oven mitts." "Oh, just my size." "Good luck, Kronky-poo." "(FANFARE)" "Thanks, Ms. Birdy-poo." "Yo, crowd, let's get loud!" "(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)" "(CHEERING)" "Go, Chipmunks!" "MAN:" "Awesome!" " All right!" " Yeah!" "Yes!" "Oh, yay!" "That was wonderful, Kronky-poo!" "You're gonna be even better, not that it matters who wins." " We've already won." " We've already won." "Now I know you're just itching to get out there, but don't forget to chalk up your hands." "You don't want to fall." "I'm not worried." "I know you'd be there to catch me." "(COUGHING)" "Say what?" "(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS)" "This is gonna be so awesome!" " I know." "They're really good." " Yeah, but we're gonna win." "I cheated, just like you said." "Oh, that's great, Tipo." "Wait, what?" "I put itching powder in their chalk." "You said do whatever it takes to win." "BIRDWELL: (ECHOING) I know you'd be there to catch me." "No!" "(CROWD GROANING)" "(GRUMBLING)" ""Tipo's Itching Powder." ""Property of Tipo." "Do not touch except for... "" "Tipo?" "How could you?" "I'm so disappointed." "Oh, no." "What am I gonna do?" "Eh, let the kid take the rap." "He'll do easy time." "You put the idea in his head." "Look at him out there." " He's six." " Uh-oh." "The lip." "Not the lip." "Don't look directly at it!" "Start flapping your jaw, the girl goes bye-bye." " Forever?" " Heartbreak City." " No." " So you're gonna weasel out while they send Tipo off to the big house?" "You forgetting something?" "You want this, you need that." "Dangerous." "You could have hurt somebody." "I cannot believe that you would disgrace the Chipmunk name in this manner!" "But Tipo needs me." "Let him go!" "It's all my fault." "(GASPS) Kronky-poo?" "You told Tipo to cheat?" "I told him..." "Do whatever it takes to win." "Wait!" " It was all a big mistake." " I'll say it was." "The biggest mistake of my life!" "I thought I could trust you." "But Ms. Birdy-poo..." "Don't ever call me that again!" "On second thought, don't call me ever!" "She's gone." "And all I have to remember her by are these." "Now I've got nothing." "No, what you've got is a full house on fondue night." "Now give me one Havarti party pot two blue cheese bombs and a cracker cheddar surprise." "Stat!" "How can you think of fondue at a time like this?" "Look, you made the right choice." "You saved the kid." "But I lost the girl." "Now I'm a two-time loser, and my father's gonna be here any minute." " More like any second." " (HORSE WHINNIES)" "Ah!" "What am I gonna do?" "Just tell him the truth." "I can't handle the truth!" "Where am I going to find a wife and kids and house on a hill?" "How's dinner coming?" "I gotta get the wife and kids back to our house on the hill." "You want to borrow my house?" " And me?" " And them, if it's no trouble." "Kronk, you should be ashamed of yourself." "Trust me, I am, but not as much as I'd be if Papi finds out I'm a failure." "He'll come with everything." "Cold Shoulder, Frenzied Eyebrow," "Grimace of Doom, Sneer of Despair, Wince of Guilt," "Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection." "What's wrong with Kronk?" "Duh, you made him look like a big fat liar in front of Ms. Birdwell!" "Hey, don't guilt-trip the kid!" " It's not his fault." " No, he's right." "I've got to help him." "Now come on, Chich, he's our friend." "Pacha!" "You saw the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection." "We have to do something before his father gets here." "Too late." "He's here." " (BRAKE SCREECHING) - (HORSE WHINNIES)" " Ah!" "It's him!" " BOTH:" "I know what to do!" "I'll just wait here, like a sane person." "Kronker?" "Kronker?" " Kronker, front and center!" " Yes, sir!" "Oh!" "Papi!" "What do I look like, your Aunt Matilda?" "Put her there!" " (WHIMPERING)" " Papi?" "Huh?" "Oh!" "Where are your manners, son?" "Uh, sorry." "Papi, this is..." " You must be Kronk's wife." " I'm..." " Chicha." " Chicha." "How'd this knucklehead ever land a catch like you?" "Well, he just asked." "Really." "And these are my grandkids?" "Front and center, kids, and..." "Let me have a look at you." "I said front and center!" "Names and ages!" "Chaca, sir!" "Age seven and three-quarters, sir!" " And this is Yupi." "He's only a half." " (COOS)" "And, uh, that's my house up there, on the hill." "Wow!" "I never thought I'd live to see this." "You, of all people, with a wife, kids and a house on a hill." "Son, I don't know what to say." "Kronkers!" "Hoo-hoo-hoo!" "Now I really don't know what to say." "Who's this..." "Lovely..." " Lady?" " Well, she's..." " I'm Kronk's..." " Mother-in-law!" " Granny!" " Pach..." "Ita!" "Papi, this is Pachita," "Chicha's mother." "Ohh!" "Mother, huh?" "Enchanté." "(GIGGLES)" "Now I see where Chicha gets her looks." "Okay." "Who's hungry?" "Let's eat." "Yeah, I'm starving." "I hope the chef here knows what he's doing." "Yeah, so do I." "Whoa, little fella!" "Where are you going in such a hurry?" "Kronk's in trouble!" "His father's here!" "He doesn't have a wife or kids or a house on the hill." "I've got to help him!" "Kronk's in trouble?" "I know what to do." "Hang on, big fella!" "The cavalry's comin'!" "(CREAKING)" "Uh, well, isn't this nice, Papi?" "You, me, Chicha," "Mom." "So, are you proud of me?" "Even a little?" "Humph." "I'm just glad to see you gave up all those crazy ideas" " about cooking and talking to animals." " Kronk!" "Yoo-hoo!" "(CHUCKLING) Yeah." "Crazy." " Hey, Kronk, what's cookin'?" " Nothing!" "There's no cooking whatsoever going on here." "No siree." " What's he talking about?" "Him!" " Him who?" " Guy who was here." " What?" " Why's he asking you about cooking?" " Yeah." "That's weird." "It's a..." "A business deal." "Oh, Kronk's always got something cooking." "Oh, yeah." "Speaking of cooking, what does it take to get food here?" " Talk to the chef." " I'll go!" "Perfect." "Gives us more time to get to know each other." "Oh..." "Oh!" "Lucky me." "I can't do this." " Look." "Fondue night was your idea." " Ow, ow, ow!" "(CHANTING) Fondue!" "They don't get fed, they come after you." "Wait." "I'll cook." "(RATTLING)" "Feel that!" "Like a python." "WAITRESS:" "Ordering." "One bucket of brie, two Gouda gulps and a flaming fountain of fondue." "Cardio special." "Got it." "And a side salad with poppy seed dressing." "Papi?" "Kronk!" "Oh, thank goodness." "(CLEARS THROAT)" " So?" " So, what?" "Hello!" "Anybody up there?" "Where's our food?" "I've worked up quite an appetite." "More water." "Be right back." "Kronk!" "I mean..." "Kronkles!" "Okay." "Stoke the fire." "Stir the fondue." "Chop the onions, lie to Papi." " Machu Picchu!" " Kronky-wonky!" "Who is this?" " Why, I'm the lovely Mrs. Kronk." " Kronker!" "Uh..." "Right." "I'll go check on dinner." "Hey!" "Is that any way to treat the lovely Mrs. Kronk?" "I thought I was the lovely Mrs. Kronk." "Look at us." "Putting on dresses." "Pretending to be women." "Kronk!" "What are you doing?" "Dinner rush." "Four specials up and a party of ten in at 8:30." " Kronk!" " Kronk?" "Kronk!" "Let me get this straight." "She's Mrs. Kronk and she's Mrs. Kronk?" " Papi, I can explain." " I'm the lovely Mrs. Kronk." " Ow." "You're stepping on my face." " Or maybe not." "Is there anyone in this town who isn't Mrs. Kronk?" "(SCREAMING)" " Daddy!" " How about them?" " Who are they?" " We're Kronk's adorable kids!" "Oh!" "Kronk!" " Sweetheart!" " Tina, Marge." " Marge." " Tina." " Kronk!" " Well, at least that's everybody." "Boom, baby!" "Like how I weaseled myself in the movie?" "Nice." " Kuzco?" " How you doing, hot stuff?" "Hot stuff?" "(EXPLOSION)" "Kronker!" "KRONK:" "So this is right about where we started." "Miserable." "Covered in cheese." "Trying to hold on to a big fat lie!" "(DOOR OPENS)" "Papi..." "I have a confession." "I'm not who you think I am." "I..." "I'm just a humble fry cook." "And a delivery boy." "That's not all." "Chicha's not my wife." "None of these folks are my wives." "And these aren't my kids." "Not even the ones who really are kids." "Yeah, and that big house up on the hill, that's not mine either." "And Pachita..." "Not even a woman." "I lied to you, Papi." "I just wanted you to be proud of me." "I just wanted to get..." "One of these." "But all I ever got from you was..." "Yeah, that." "I'm a failure." "The truth is..." "I've got nothing." "But Kronk, you've got us." "And I wouldn't trade you guys for anything." "Well, that would explain why you don't have anything." "For your information, Kronk used to have a big house." "On a hill." " But he gave it away to us old folks." " And he had a girlfriend too." "They baked us raisin bread." "He gave up all those things to protect his friends." "You were actually listening to my stories?" "I was weeping on the inside." "Wait a second." "I really wouldn't trade you guys for anything." "Not even for a thumbs up." "You see, Papi, you may look at my life and think I've got nothing, but the truth is..." "I've got everything." "Not yet, you don't." "I'm proud of you, son." "Ohhh..." "Whoo!" "Papi!" "Come here, you little squirt." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "TIPO:" "Kronk, wait!" "Tipo!" "How's my little Chipper?" "I brought a friend." "Hello, Kronky-poo." "Ms. Birdy-poo." "I've missed you so much." "I missed you more." "I thought we'd..." "Never see each other again." "You know what this means." "If they're finishing each other's sentences..." "Then it must be true love." " ALL:" "Kronk!" " Awesome!" "(SINGING) He's got nothing to prove" "No one has to approve The way that you move" "Don't have to be smart or be rich or be smooth" "Take a look in your heart 'Cause it would behoove" "You to know from the start" " You should be true to your groove" " True to your groove" " You should be true to your groove" " True to your groove" " You should be true to your groove" " True to your groove" "Yeah, you should be true to your" "Oh, you gotta be true to your groove" "(LAUGHTER)" " Huh?" " (CRACKING)" "(CHIRPING)" "Oh, how cute!" " (ROARING) - (SCREAMING)" "(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)" "(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)" "(JAZZ PLAYING)"