"Hello." "I'm Orson Welles." "Lovely, isn't it?" "The summer palace of Louis XVI." "Historians have recently discovered an unknown fact concerning this palace." "An event which almost changed the entire history of Western Europe." "Did you know that the entire French Revolution could have been avoided?" "It's true." "No one knows what took place there." "It's an event of such importance that men of integrity and of considerable resources have made a film on the subject." "It's a color film, which I am not in." "Now, where was I?" "Oh, yes, yes." "It began far, far away from this lovely palace in the middle of the 18th century." "A coach and four thunder through the night across the French countryside  carrying the Corsican Count de Sisi  rushing his pregnant wife to the court doctors in Paris." "We'll never reach Paris in time." "We'll stop at the first village." "Faster!" "Faster!" "Now, come along, my dear." "Don't worry." "I'm sure he's a good doctor." "Oh, he'll have delivered hundreds of babies." "I'm the Duke de Sisi." "My wife requires immediate attention." " What's wrong with her?" " She's cut her finger, you imbecile." "Go and get the doctor!" "Get the doctor, you idiot." "Come on, my dear." "It won't be long now." "The doctor's coming." "The doctor's attending to my wife." "You'll have to wait your turn." "How dare you speak to me like that!" "Do you know who I am?" "Oh, yes." "The Duke de Sisi." "The scrounge of Corsica." "Scourge of Corsica, you ignorant peasant." " Oh, pretty clothes." " Girl, go and fetch the doctor." "At once!" "Not until my wife's had her baby." "Unless, of course, you want half a pound of copper pellets." "Stand aside, peasant, or you'll feel 3 feet of cold steel." "Move any closer, you get 10 inches of forged iron." "Not before you get 2 ounces of molten lead." "Unless, of course, I give you 3 feet of Persian rug." " All right, now, who has the cut finger?" " Cut finger?" " My wife's going to have a baby." " Never mind." "What about my wife?" "Stop bickering!" "Another delivery!" "Anne, we shall have to use my bedroom." " Which one's the duke?" " Who do you think?" " Oh, you have a son." " A son?" "A son to keep peasants like you in their place." "Monsieur Coupe, you, too, have a son." "A son." "A son." "A son for France, for freedom, for liberty." " A son to fight your son." " Pa, Pa." " Come quick!" "Another baby!" " Another one?" "!" "Now, let's bring them their babies." " I'll take the Coupes'." " Good." " I don't think those are the Coupes'." " Yes." "Those are the de Sisi babies." " Didn't you keep track?" " I thought you did." " You fool." "You dreadful..." " You know I can't." "I don't like looking." " Quiet!" "Quiet!" " I don't like looking at them." "Look, I'll tell you what we'll do." "Here, hold this." "Now, at least we'll be half-right." "Come on." "Little did the doctor know what he had done by mismatching these babies." "France would never be the same." " My sons." " And my sons." "Paris, France, 1789." "Thirty years later, under the rule of Louis XVI  longstanding grievances between aristocrat and peasant  were about to boil over." "The pot in which these troubles boiled  was kindled by the firewood of oppression and injustice  and heated by flames that sucked the air from gasping peasants." "Would the pot cool off?" "Would it merely simmer, or would it boil over in the kitchen of France  to stain the floor of history forever?" "Paris, France, 1789." "Thirty years later, under the rule of Louis XVI  grievances between aristocrat and peasant were about to boil over..." "In Paris, outraged rebels roused themselves to attack the king's convoys." "Most of these aroused rebels were brave, courageous, freedom-loving citizens." "Others were more realistic." "Our paths cross those of the mismatched twins, one noble, one peasant  born on that rainy night 30 years ago." "Claude and Charles Coupe, orphaned in youth, living by their wits." "They were dragooned into the cause of the rebels." "Lovers of liberty, they knew no liberty." "Well, how you been?" "Not bad, not bad." " How is everything with you, Jacques?" " Not bad." "Not bad." " A bit rough out there, wasn't it?" " It was a bit rough." "It was a bit rough." " Wasn't it, Charlie?" " Yes, very rough." "Especially in the rear." "We were all alone back there." "Yes, I know." "Too bad I wasn't there to help you, but I was up in the front." " I see they got you in the leg." " Yes." " In the arm?" " Yes." " In the head?" " Yes." " You would do it again, wouldn't you?" " Oh, yes." "I bet you would!" "Traitors." "Out of the way." "You're a disgrace to your fathers, both of you!" "Deserting the fight for liberty." "Attacking the king's pillow makers, you call that a fight for liberty?" "The convoy was to contain arms." "We take what we can get." " How many pillows did we get?" " Five hundred and forty." "But we lost 10 men, Jacques." "They died so that one day Frenchmen will sleep in peace." " Pass out pillows." " Pass out pillows." " And tell them to get some rest." " Get some rest." " Out of my way!" " Get out of here!" "Corsica, house of de Sisi, 1789." "The legendary Corsican brothers." "The other pair mismatched in birth 30 years before." "Raised in luxury, trained in the tradition of superiority  and the domination of nobility." " Lagging behind again?" " I'm sorry, Philippe." " I try my best to please you." " How?" "You can't hunt, you can't ride, you can't shoot, you can't fence." " What kind of a marriage is this?" " What kind indeed?" "You pay more attention to Thor than you do to me." "Wonder why?" "He's served me far better than you." "But he is dead." " What?" " Nothing." "I didn't hear." "What did you say?" "Repeat what you said." "I didn't hear." " I said nothing..." " What?" " Nothing at all, Philippe." " Philippe!" " I'm sorry." "She's an idiot." " Philippe!" " Philippe!" "Philippe!" " What are you doing, Philippe?" "What does it look like?" "I'm feeding my falcon." " Pierre is calling." " I don't care." "I'm not a puppet." " Come at once." " But it must be important." "Pierre is so rarely excited." "More excited than I?" "Are you saying that he gets more excited than I?" " He gets more excited than I?" " Of course not." "My brother gets more excited than I do?" "Is that what you're trying to tell me?" " You want to see excitement?" " No!" "I'll show you excitement if that's what you want to see!" "Oh, no, Philippe, you're more excited than he is." "Far better than Pierre." "Better-looking, a better horseman, everything." "I like you, Philippe." "I like you very much indeed." "Thank you." "You know, it's always good when we can talk these things out." "I'll join you in the chapel later." " Very well, Philippe." " Bring the rawhide and honey." "The king's summer palace, 1789." "King Louis, whose tinkering with timepieces did not tell him his own time was running out." "Queen Marie tinkered with everything but timepieces." "She didn't care what time it was." "But the evil Escargot knew what time it was." "His tinkering was well-timed." "For the time was  1789." " What?" " I'm the courier, Lt. Sorel." " Prove it." " My papers, Your Majesty." " Do you know who I am?" " But you are..." "The king." "See?" "Terrible times these are." "No one can be trusted." "You are to take this letter..." "You are to take this letter to the brothers de Sisi in Corsica." " Yes, sire." " Your boat leaves at midnight." " Have you a timepiece?" " Well, no, sire." "Well, take one of mine." " You promise you'll give it to me back?" " Of course, Your Majesty." "No, you don't." "You're not to be trusted." "Ask anybody when it's midnight." "Somebody will tell you." "Very well, sire." "No one must know of your journey." "The fate of France depends on that piece of paper." " Here is the letter." " Good." "It appears that your feeble-minded husband intends to betray us, Marie." "Betrayed by Louis?" "My darling Escargot, he has the brains of a chicken." "Brains enough to summon the de Sisis, my love." "The de Sisis?" "The brains of a chicken, coupled with the claws of two eagles may well hatch the eggs of our destruction." "Yes." " He must know our plan." " And we shall know his." "I shall deliver this note to the de Sisis myself and in turn, deliver the de Sisis to us." " Excellent." "Make haste, Escargot." " I go with God." " Go with whomever you please just take your horse." "Corsica, still 1789." "A few days later, Philippe de Sisi, summoned by his brother, Pierre  returned home on urgent business." "Happy?" "I've broken my bird." "Allow me to introduce my brother, Philippe." "The Duke d'Escargot." "Who?" "The Duke d'Escargot." "Why has he come to see me?" "I was having fun." "He has come to see both of us." "King Louis says he needs us." "Needs us?" "Needs us for what?" "He doesn't even know us." "But he knew your father and the honor of the de Sisis." "Your swords are famous throughout France." "What proof has he?" "A letter from Louis written in his own hand." "Proof enough?" "Give me that." " I see your name came first." " You going to start that again?" "Your name is first on the gate, mine on the carriage." "Your name is first on the sheets, mine on the blankets." "Enough." "Should you do as I instruct, both your names shall shape the fate of France." " What's he saying?" " He wants us to betray the king and align ourselves with him." " He has a plan only you can uncover." "And what is the reward for this treachery?" "Half of France." " And for my brother?" " Philippe." "The agreement is signed and guaranteed by Marie Antoinette and myself." "Just as I suspected." "I'll have no part of this." "What's wrong?" "Just put his name first." "Very well." "But we must not arouse Louis' suspicion." "You must proceed to Paris in disguise, as he instructed in his letter." "Philippe, we must proceed to Paris in disguise, as per Louis' instructions." " What will be his disguise?" " What will be your disguise?" "I will be dressed as Escargot." " He will be dressed as Escargot." " Who?" " Escargot." " Gentlemen, are we agreed?" " Agreed?" " No, we are not agreed." " What will be his disguise?" " He is Escargot." " Gentlemen, are we agreed?" " Agreed?" " I'll think about it." " Agreed." " Well, gentlemen..." " I say farewell." "Farewell." "Farewell." "I like this plan." "Half of France will soon be ours." "Why settle for half when all of France can be ours?" "All of France?" " Yes." "We don't need Escargot." " Exactly." "Exactly." " All the castles." " All the chapels." " All the windows." " All the drapes." " All the leather." " All the lace." " All the forests." " All the flowers." " All the land!" " All the grass." " The rocks!" " The stones." " The pebbles!" " The dirt." " The mud!" " The mud." "I have a new destiny!" " One day, I shall be king!" " And I shall be queen." "How dare she enjoy herself while I must mingle with these swine." "Fool, we have no choice if we are to arrive secretly, as Louis ordered." "Do you think I like dressing like scum?" "Wait till I get her back in that chapel." "I'll bring out the peacock feathers." "That'll tickle her fancy." "A back street of Paris, 1789." "Disguised as common rebel, a clever spy sought out his fellow rebels." "Carrying vital information, he headed for a secret meeting place." "Confident he was not followed, the blind man discarded his disguise." "But was he a blind man?" "Yes, he was." " Jacques." "Where's Jacques?" " He's over there." "Over there?" "Where?" "Jacques?" "Jacques?" "No..." " Over here, Blind Man!" " Where?" " Jacques?" " Over here." "Jacques." "Jacques." "Jacques." "Get your hands off me!" "What do you want, Blind Man?" "I've got some news." "There's a barge arriving at the docks tomorrow, loaded with arms and ammunition." "It's the arms we need for the revolution." "You have done well, Blind Man." "Here, have some chicken." "Oh, thank you, Jacques." " Marcel." " Jacques." " Get all the men together again." " But you just told them to rest." "I don't care!" "Cancel it." "Get them all here together again." "Right." "All of you, quick, around Jacques." "Everybody!" "The blind man just informed me a barge arrives tomorrow with arms and ammunition we need for the revolution." "I got a plan." "It's a very simple plan." "We need two volunteers." "You two will act as our diversion." "The real attack will begin when the guards are killing you." "Wait!" "I have a better idea!" "I have an even better idea." "What's going on?" "I've got a better idea." "Mimi's father's French farmhouse, 1789." "On the outskirts of Paris the rebels stopped to pick up their meager supply of arms to attack the river barge." "This also afforded Claude Coupe an opportunity to bid a reluctant adieu  to his fiancée, Mimi Montage." " No!" "No!" "No, don't leave me!" " Do you think I want to leave you?" " No!" "Kiss me!" "Kiss me!" " Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Let him kiss her." "Let him kiss her!" " Can't I have a moment with her alone?" " Go ahead and kiss her." "We won't look!" "Oh, Claude, don't leave me!" " I can't live without you." " I can't live without you." " Won't you send someone else?" " Yes, someone else." "No, you were chosen." "No!" "Don't take him away from me!" "I can't live without him!" "I love him!" "I love him!" "Jacques." "The girl was hysterical." "Somebody had to silence her." "What are they laughing at?" "Get them out of there!" "Get them out of there!" "Get them!" "On to the river!" " Claude!" "Claude!" " Mimi!" "Mimi!" " I love you!" " Mimi." " Come back!" " Mimi." " Claude!" " Mimi!" " Claude, I love you." " I love you, Mimi." " I love you." " Mimi." "Mimi." " I love you, Mimi." " Don't leave me!" " Please don't leave me!" " I don't want to!" " I can't say goodbye!" " Please say goodbye." "You're hurting me!" "Goodbye, Mimi." "Goodbye." " Your turn." " Don't do that." " You're insulting our friend." " Don't do that!" "What's the matter?" "Too good to drink with us?" "Philippe, drink it." "For France, drink it." "God, that's good!" "Give some to my brother." " You." " No, no, I can't drink." "Liver trouble." "You." "Clever, aren't you?" "I could kill you for that!" " Then, why don't you?" " Because I'm sick!" "Now, get ready." "There's the barge the king said they'll be on." "If they're dressed like peasants, how will we know them?" "I told you, one of them will be carrying a violin case." " Which one?" " What difference does it make?" "Just look for a violin." "When the barge docks, attack one of the soldiers." "Oh, and put up a good fight." "If that's possible for you two." "Let's pick the weakest one and get this thing over with." "Well, good luck, Claude." "Let's get out of here!" "In here, Charlie." "For France!" "For liberty, equality!" "Watch out, peasant." "Swine!" "Swine, huh?" " The rest of those rifles!" " Here, this way." "Oh, no!" " I don't believe it." " He's mad." " What did you do that for?" " It must be worth a fortune." "We can sell it." " Is that your violin?" " No." "You see, actually..." " Yes, certainly." "Of course it is." " Quick, get in the carriage." " I said, in the carriage." " All right." " Get in." " Into the carriage." "Let's go." "Wonder whose violin this is." "Just remember, we found it." "We didn't steal it." "Your quarters are up here." "The king will see you this evening." " Holy, hey, you stole the king's violin." " I knew it was a good one, Claude." "Welcome, gentlemen." " Hello." " Gentlemen, I must compliment you on your appearance." "So charmingly obscene, so vile so filthy, so disgusting." " Thank you." "You've achieved a rare vulgarity in peasantry." "Are you from the king?" "No need for the charade." "No one can hear us." "Now..." "Oh, well, then, will you please tell the king that we're very sorry for what we did?" "We're very sorry for what we did, and we beg his forgiveness." " Beg his forgiveness?" " It was a misunderstanding..." "What?" "I warn you, gentlemen, I am not to be trifled with." "To pull the tail of a lion is to open the mouth of trouble and reveal the teeth of vengeance biting the tongue of deceit." "I didn't like that." "Well, he certainly didn't care about the violin." "Oh, did you get that?" "Good." "That's good." " Are we in it?" " What's the matter, Claude?" "What's the matter?" "They think we're somebody else." "Know whose tail he was talking about biting with that lion's mouth?" "That was our tail!" " Who could we be?" " I don't know." " Well, keep trying." "You'll get it." " Well, how would I know who we are?" "Whoever we are, we don't play the violin." " What's that?" " A note." " Who is it to?" " Philippe and Pierre de Sisi." " Who?" " Philippe and Pierre de Sisi." " Do you know who they are?" " Yes." " Who?" " The Corsican brothers." " Do you know what he thinks?" " Yes." " What?" " That we're the Corsican brothers." "That's right." "Come on, off your ass!" "Greetings from Corsica." "As they say in Corsica goodbye." "Jacques." "Jacques." "Jacques." "Here's two more, Jacques." " Check them, you idiot." " Idiot, check." "Check them." "They are checking them." "The idiot's checking them." "Well, how are you getting along?" " You fought well, men." "I'm proud of you." " Where are we?" "Don't worry." "You're safe." "So you're the king's men." "Tell Louis we are here." "What?" "Tell the king the de Sisis have arrived." "Where are they?" "Show them to me." "Point them out." " You're insane." "Where's the violin case?" " The what?" " Get the violin case!" " What are you talking about?" "Do as you're told, man!" " Marcel!" "Marcel!" " Check." "He's crazy!" "Court-martial him." "Shoot him at dawn!" " Dawn?" " No, cancel it." "Shoot him now." " Crazy?" " Yes." " Are you saying I'm crazy?" " Lock him up." "I, crazy?" "Is that what you're saying?" "That I'm crazy?" "Would you like to see crazy?" "I'll show you crazy." "Jacques." "Jacques, hold him." "Hold him, Jacques." "He's mad!" " I'll show you crazy if you want to see crazy!" " Jacques, Jacques." "Give me the stick." "Blind Man, give me the stick." "What's going on, Jacques?" "Here, Jacques." "Jacques." "Jacques, here." "Can I have some chicken?" "Here, eat that!" "Oh, I'll charge that." "I hope that pleases Your Grace." " Yes, it's acceptable." " No, I won't do it." " I said, I won't do it." "I won't do it." " Having trouble, brother?" "Don't you understand French?" "I'm not wearing this to the ball tonight!" "Leave that." "Just leave that." " Put it down." " Brother, dear, do be gracious." "We're not in Corsica." "I don't "car." Care?" "Care?" " Care." " Care where we are." "I don't think this is suitable for the occasion." "But it's only your dressing gown, Your Grace." "You needn't wear it to the ball." "I was just going to..." "My dressing gown." "Well, I know it's my dressing gown." "I was merely testing your knowledge of clothes." " What's this?" " A glove." "Excellent." "That's excellent." "Now get out." "Leave us." "Be gone with yourself." "And himself too." " Yes, Your Grace." " Better do as he says." "He's difficult to manage till he's had his hair done." "I think you've done my hair terribly well." "Thank you." "We can fool servants, but what are we gonna do at that ball?" "If you believe you're a de Sisi, they'll believe you're a de Sisi." "If I believe, I'm gonna get my head chopped off..." "I said, we do not wish to be disturbed!" "Out!" "What was I just talking about?" "I told you thrice we do not want to be disturbed!" "I don't think you understand." " I am the king." " You're the what?" "I am, really." "You see, it..." "There, it's on my ring." "Your Majesty." "Oh, that's nice." "Nobody does that to me anymore." "Now, are we alone?" "Yes." "Please sit down." "Now, I'll explain to you why I sent for you if you promise not to tell anyone but yourselves." "Yes, yes." "Tonight, I have to announce a marriage between Christina of Belgium and Escargot." "You know what that means?" "Yes, a marriage." "More than a marriage, a military alliance." "Between them, Escargot and Marie, that's my wife with those Belgian troops, plan to rule France." "Yes!" "That's exactly as I suspected." "Isn't it, dear brother?" "The very plan you mentioned, yes." " So you probably guessed my plan." " Of course!" "We'll return to Corsica, marshal our forces and meet you later." "Come, there's not a moment to lose." "No!" "No, no!" "You..." "No, you will marry Christina." "And then you will have the Belgian army, and I can rule France." "But you already rule France." "Well, that's what they say, but it isn't true." "Now, I have it all worked out." "You will kill Escargot." "Excuse me, Your Majesty, isn't Escargot the greatest swordsman in all France?" "Oh, maybe, but you are the greatest swordsmen in Corsica." "Yes, yes, how soon we forget." "No one must know I've been here." "I'll meet you at the ball tonight." "Marquis and Marquise Maduce." "His Excellency, the Count Henri Manzini." "General and Madame Marceau." "The Count and Countess Jacquard." "The Dukes Philippe and Pierre de Sisi the Corsican brothers." "We're going to die, you know." "He was the one in the bedroom." "Welcome to Paris." "I am the Duke d'Escargot." "An honor, sir." "What brings you to Paris?" "Oh, you might say, a little business." "And a little pleasure." "Which do you prefer, business or pleasure?" "Well, that depends on what you regard as business." "And what you may regard as pleasure." "In Paris, we say business is pleasure." "And to us, pleasure is our business." "Your business should be a pleasure, making my pleasure a business." "Unless some mistake business for pleasure while others know no business but pleasure." "In that case, sir, I will show you my business." "My pleasure." "Her Grace the Duchess Helene de Sisi." "I spare you for the sake of your wife." "His Grace, the Count Jatruce." "Are we in it?" "What do you mean "we"?" "She's your wife." "Their Highnesses, the Prince and Princess Vinitari." "Philippe, Pierre." "One false step and you die." "Back out of the room slowly." "I've only just got here!" "What have I done wrong now?" "Their Royal Majesties, the King and Queen of France." "You said it was a costume ball!" "I changed my mind." "Why didn't you tell me?" "I thought it was a costume ball." "But I thought it was a costume ball." "I thought it was..." "Your Majesties, may I present Philippe and Pierre de Sisi, Madame de Sisi." "Their Majesties, the King and Queen of France." "I thought it was a costume ball." "Her Serene Highness, Princess Christina of Belgium." "Louis, make the announcement." "Oh, yes, of course." "I have an announcement." "We have the honor to announce a marriage will be arranged between Christina of Belgium and the Duke d'Escargot." " She's beautiful." "I like the king's plan." " What are you talking about?" "She'll never marry Escargot." "It will be a pleasure killing that swine!" "You've forgotten who you are?" "You'd be lucky to run the girl through." "Oh, yeah." "Your Majesties, may I present Christina of Belgium." "The King and Queen of France." "Get up, Louis." "Christina is here." "I thought it was a costume ball." "Our other guests Philippe and Pierre de Sisi." "I am at your service." "It's an honor." "You are well-known in my country." "And you're well-known in your country." " I suppose I am." " The dance, Louis." "Come, Christina." "Why didn't you expose me?" "I know your tastes, Philippe, but this is hardly the place for that." "I must see you later." "Me?" "In my chambers." " Why do you want to see me?" " You'll soon find out." "Kill Escargot!" "I'm really very tired." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Night, 1789." "A dank and ancient building, not far from the palace  was the destination of the rebels and their captives." " Open the gate, Marcel!" " Open the gate, sir." "This is the safest place to keep them until they regain their senses." "Bring them here." "Jacques, start the revolution yet?" "No, just taking a midnight stroll." " What have we got here?" " A couple of bookends for your library." " Why are you laughing?" "Bring them in!" " Bring them in." "Yes, indeed." "Bring them in." "Bring them in." "Oh, indeed, yes." "Oh, let's have them inside." "This is the way." "Now, Jacques, what seems to be the problem?" "They've lost their minds." "They're crazy." "It's safer for the revolution to leave them here." "I see." "What are their names, Jacques?" "Coupe." "Charles and Claude Coupe." "Charles and Claude Coupe." "I see." "Now, we'll just see how serious their condition is." "Remove their gags." "Now, gentlemen." "Beg your pardon." "Just relax and don't be afraid." "Now, young man, what is your name?" " My name?" "You want to know my name?" " Oh, yes." " Is that what you're asking me?" " Yes." " I'll tell you if you want to know." " I do." " Do you know why I'll tell you my name?" " No." "Do you want to know why I'm going to tell you my name you blithering, fatheaded, addle-brained idiot?" "Because you asked me my name!" "That's why I'm going to tell you my name!" "Because you..." "See?" "I told you so." "They're crazy!" "I know." "Now, young man, do you know who you are?" "Of course I know who we are!" "Who?" "The Corsican brothers." "The Corsican brothers?" "I'm so sorry." "Oh, do forgive me." "I'm so sorry." "The Corsican brothers!" "You're right." "They're crazy!" "Later that night, 1789." "Looks good, doesn't it?" "Yeah, that's right, like pillows in a bed." " Let's get out of here." " What are we gonna do now?" "You may not know it, Charlie, but we're in trouble." " Trouble?" " That's right." "But we fooled them at the ball, though, didn't we?" "I don't think we fooled them." "We must kill them quickly and quietly." "Very quietly." "Has the king forgiven me?" "Am I free?" "Am I free?" " Who are you?" " I'm the Man in the Iron Mask." "How do you do?" "What is it?" "Do I look so horrible?" "Do I frighten you?" "No, no." "It's just that you reminded me of somebody else." "I'm so glad you came." "So am I. So am I." "How can I ever thank you?" "Oh, it's nothing, nothing." "You have a nice place here." "Oh, oh, watch the mask." "Watch the mask." " Take me with you." " Take me with you!" "Yes!" "Don't leave me alone." "Take me." "I'll arrange everything." "I'll come back, and we'll have a nice walk." " Please!" "Please don't leave me here." " You're my friend." "I wouldn't leave you." "If I take you with me, I won't know who you are." "I thought the king forgave me." "Friar, what are you doing here?" "Oh, I was merely making my nightly rounds." "Bless this room." "What's all the excitement out there?" "My brothers are out celebrating tonight." "Do they always carry guns?" "Merely a new church policy." "Don't move, my child." " What is it?" " I have a vision." "Then, you know I'm troubled?" "Hold nothing back from me." "Oh, thank goodness, you've come." "It's such a relief to unburden myself even if it is in the wrong religion." " Oh, yes." "Yes, I know." "Friar, what religion is this?" "It's a very new one." "You're my first convert." "You're..." "You're Pierre de Sisi." "Yes, you have guessed correctly." " But why are you dressed like that?" " I must, to do good in this world of evil." "If you'll excuse me, there is much good left to be done." "In my dressing room?" " Is that your dressing room?" " Yes." " Is this the only door to your dressing room?" " Yes." " There's no outside door?" " No." "Bless this dressing-room door." "Excuse me." "What are you doing in a monk's habit?" "You said we wouldn't do the monk and the choirboy anymore!" "I did?" "Oh, well, what would you like to do?" "At home, you said you wanted to do the woodchopper and the shepherd." "I didn't know about the monk and the choirboy." "How many costumes do you think I can pack?" "Oh, you little snail, you." "We'll soon be rid of that bed hog." "You rabbit." "Oh, I love you." "There's much killing to be done yet." "After the marriage, we'll kill Christina, kill Louis, then together, we'll rule all France." " Have they been killed yet?" " No, Your Grace." "They've all escaped." "You fools." " Must I do everything myself?" " Evening, Victor." " Good evening." " We have work to do." "Come on, you imbeciles." "Philippe?" " Philippe." "Philippe, my darling." "You came." " Hello." "My new plan is to rule France with you." "You will kill Escargot, marry Christina and take over the Belgian army then kill Christina, kill Louis, marry me, and together we will rule France." "Good." "Good." " I love you." " Kill." " I love you." " Kill." "France." "Good!" " We're going to do it!" " I know." "I love you." "What was that?" " Evening, Heinrich." " Your Majesty, the carriage is not ready." "Very well." "Keep trying." " Okay?" " Okay." " Who was that?" " Another plan." " Am I in it?" " No." " Good." "I had best be going." " No, just one minute." "I must divert Escargot and his men." " What?" " I said, just one minute." "I must divert Escargot and his men." "Good." "Good." "Since destiny rides in our scabbard, it appears our pregnant blades must be aborted." "Are you sure that's necessary?" "You miss my point." "We must join forces again." " Against Marie." " Marie?" " But she seems like a very nice person." " But I have a plan." "Oh, you have a plan." "Oh, well, that's different." "I'll marry Christina, take over the Belgian army, kill Louis, kill Christina kill Marie, and together, with you and your brother, we will rule France." "That's a good plan." " For France." " For France." "Quickly, before Marie returns." " Isn't that the?" " Two glasses of wine and he sleeps all night." "Still later that night, 1789." "I'm getting filthy down here!" "Did you hear what I said?" "I'm getting filthy down here!" " It's your turn to dig." " I do not dig." "I have a bad back." "Everything about you is bad." "Not just your back." "Everything is bad!" "I'm tired of doing all your work for you!" " What do you think I am, a...?" " Philippe, where have you gone?" "Help me!" " Are you hiding from me?" " There's a tunnel down here!" " What?" " I said, there's a tunnel down here." "Are your ears as bad as your back?" "Someone is coming." " Who?" " I don't know." "Just get me out of here." "Hurry." "Quickly, give me a hand." "Someone is coming." "There is someone down there." "Quickly." "I'm free." "Free at last." " It's the Man in the Iron Mask." " I thought I was free." "Have pity." "Don't send me back to the palace." " He must have come from the palace." " Help me." "No, don't do that." "What's the matter with you?" "Are you deaf?" "I will not do that." "Filthy swine!" "Philippe, will you stop stepping on my heels?" "Can I help it if I have this enormous stride?" "Look at it, man." "Look at it." "You see?" "You see what I'm going through?" "You see this stride?" "Look!" "The next day, 1789." "My, what a big back, Your Grace." " Really?" " Far bigger than the king's." "Is it?" "What about my neck?" " That's bigger than the king's too." " What about...?" " Good morning, Your Grace." " Good morning, Your Grace." " Good morning, Your Grace." " Good morning, Your Grace." "But, Your Grace, it's perfume." " Perfume?" " Yes, for the bath." "Well, I know it's perfume." "I was making a little joke." "Get out!" "Out." "You had best do as he says." "He's quite impossible." "Quite, sir." " Having a good time?" " Yes." "You know, the whole court has been watching." "Come on, out of the tub." "What's happening, Claude?" "What's happening?" "You really don't know what's been happening after last night?" " I thought all that was settled." " Settled?" "You thought that was settled?" "You know what those monks were trying to do to us last night?" "Kill us?" "And Marie, you know what she wanted to do?" "Kill us?" " And Escargot, do you remember Escargot?" " Yes." "You know what he wanted to do?" " Kill us." " That's right, Charlie." "Come on, off your ass!" "Where are we going, Claude?" " The Spanish border!" " Spanish border?" " Right." " Can I take Christina?" "You might as well." "You told her everything." " I'm taking Mimi." " How are you going to get Mimi?" "Don't worry, I'm getting her." " Are you Mimi Montage?" " Yes." " Come with us." "You're under arrest." " Who wants her arrested?" " Philippe de Sisi." " De Sisi?" "Come along quietly or we'll burn down your farm." "Take her away." " No, she has done nothing!" " Please, Father." "I will go quietly." "I will go quietly because it is best for everyone." "For the people, for France." "As Christians, we should treat each other with human kindness, with love." "I will go quietly, not for myself, for my personal safety but for the good of mankind, the good of my countrymen the good of my village, my family, for France!" "You said you would go quietly." "Burn down the farm." "No, leave him alone!" "Go away!" "No, leave me alone!" "No!" " Come on, get up here." " Save me!" "Get up there." "Come on." "The Montage girl is down here, Your Grace." " You're sure she's here?" " All prisoners are brought to the dungeon." "My, it's interesting." "Hello." "Nice to see you." " Hello." " You..." "Hello." " Is it this way?" " Yes." "Take care." "Sorry, sorry." "Look but don't touch." "This one is tough." "Can't break the little beggar." " Evening, evening." " Evening, evening." "Everything all right?" " Fine." " Good." "Fine, fine." "Nice suit." "I like the way you dress." " Like your shoes too." " Yes." "How do you like the way we stuck her up?" "Excellent, excellent!" "This is really excellent work." "It's wonderfully tight." "It's neat." "I like that." " Good." " Very good." "I didn't know they would take you to a dungeon." "Oh, Claude, what's happening?" "Why did you bring me here?" "!" " Please." " Why'd you bring me here?" "!" " Is she giving you any trouble?" " Just a bit." "You want me to crank her up?" "No." "No, that's all right." "I can handle it." " I can use the exercise." "Thank you." " Yes, Your Grace." "Mimi, don't call me Claude." "I'll explain later." " But, Claude..." " I said, don't call me Claude." "I don't understand." "Why didn't you come and get me?" "They think I'm Philippe de Sisi." " The aristo?" " Yes, that's the one." "I'm delighted to see you all stuffing yourselves while France has cramps from the tyranny of its own indigestion." " What's the matter?" "What's happened?" " The peasants are preparing an open revolt." "Get my army." "Summon my soldiers." " Get my army!" " Louis, how many times do I have to tell you your army is in the field pillaging the rest of Europe?" "What is the matter?" "Who stirred up the rabble?" "The senseless arrest of some peasant girl." "Jacques is starting the revolution tomorrow." "He's storming the palace." "He can't." "We're supposed to go to Spain." " We're patriots." "We must help the revolution." " We've got to stop the revolution." " Stop it?" " Yes." "What about France?" " Equality, liberty, freedom!" " No, Mimi, not here." " Has she given you any trouble?" " Yes!" "Yes!" " Want me to crank her up?" " Yes!" "Crank her!" "Hurry, crank her!" "Crank her up!" "Crank her." "Faster!" "Faster!" "Crank her!" " What else did you learn?" " They're moving new troops in." " They say it might be tonight." " How many?" "Well, how do I know?" "I'm blind!" "Get to your observation post and keep your eyes open." "Right." " Do you want to stop the revolution?" " Of course." "I'll use my military alliance when you..." "Oh, no, you marry you." " Christine, would you tell him?" " I have a confession, Your Majesty." "I cannot marry." "I am not the princess, only her humble handmaiden." "And I gave her my best room." "I have a confession." "I am not Pierre de Sisi." "I am Charles Coupe." "Oh, no." "And I, too, have a confession, Your Majesty." "I am not Philippe de Sisi." "I am Claude Coupe." "How dreadful." "I, too, have a confession, perhaps the worst of all." " Don't tell me you're not the king?" " Of course I'm the king." "Well, then, what is your confession?" "My marriage is a failure." " Did anyone else know of these confessions?" " No." "Good." "Then, you can still marry Christina, and I can have the Belgian army." "There is no Belgian army." "They're attacking Japan." " What?" " You missed an earlier confession." "Who is going to fight?" "These peasants will kill us." "Not if you write those reforms." "There won't be any revolution." "But what do I know what they want?" "How do they know themselves?" "They're just peasants." "I'm not signing anything." "Your Majesty, do you know who is outside the palace?" " Yes." " Do you know how many men they have?" "Of course." " Do you know what they want to do to you?" " Yes." "What?" " Kill me." " That's right, Louis." "Halt!" "What is it now?" "Another 26 men and two women have arrived." " How many does that give us?" " Three hundred and forty-nine." "Men and women, we need you all." "Good luck." " Philippe, this is the way to the palace." " No, it's not." "It's this way." " Philippe, it's this way." " It's this way." "I know it's this way." "Here, give me a hand." "Watch this for me a minute, will you?" "I'll be right back." " What's that?" " That's my fiancée, Mimi." " Where am I?" " It can't be." "It's my sister." " It's what?" " She was carried off by Gypsies." "Oh, Mimi, I'm so glad to see you!" "You're all I have left!" "What are you doing?" "I was never carried off by Gypsies." " You weren't?" " No." "Yes, you are my sister." "Doesn't this mean anything to you?" "No." "You have a birthmark just like mine." "I don't have a birthmark like that." "It's lovely, but..." " You must have one somewhere." " No, I haven't!" "Wait a minute, girls." "Wait a minute." "Mimi, you could be wrong." "I'll tell you what." "Why don't you show that to her again." "You know, just to be sure." "The girls are in Christine's room." " Is the proclamation ready?" " Finally." "All the chance he's had for education, you think he could spell." "Just seal it." "As king of France and all the powers vested in me by my sacred oath..." " Just put your seal on it, Your Majesty." " Yes." "Yes." " Oh, that's hot." " That does it." "France will be free." " And you will be dead." " Traitors, all of you." "Not me." "Not me." "They made me do it." " They hurt me." "They really hurt me." " Louis, be quiet." " He's..." " They really beat..." " You sniveling coward." " Yes, but a loyal one." "Loyal to the crown." " Seize them." "Seize them." " Wait a minute." "I have a better idea." "I have an even better idea." "Close your eyes for one second." "Just a second." "Here, catch." "My clock." "My clock!" "We'll deal with you later." "Kill the de Sisis on sight." " Should we get our monks' habits?" " No, you idiot." "I will personally reward the man who kills them." " They'll kill them now." " If they don't kill each other first." " Louis?" " Don't hit me, please." "I had to say it." "Have pity, pity on a coward." " Are you with us now?" " Of course I'm with you." " We must find Jacques." " This way." "Come on." "There they are." " Don't let them cry out." " Are you insane, man?" " With these great hands, I can easily..." " I know." "I know." "I know." "I'll take the one on the right." "You take the one on the left." "All right, I'll take the one on the left." "You take the one on the right." " What is the meaning of this?" " I have come for my reward." " You mean, you've killed the de Sisis?" " Oh, no, but I saw them." "Very well." "Keep trying." " Death to the king!" " But what about our agreement?" "Our agreement." "We don't deal with double-dealers, be it the king or Escargot." " Your time has come." " So, Escargot." "Betrayed by the betrayer." "Halt." "Swine." "Jacques?" "Jacques?" "The Coupes." "Jacques?" "Jacques?" "What's going on?" "Jacques?" "Jacques?" "The Coupes." "Have you seen the Coupes?" "They escaped." " I have no time for that." " I must capture them." "Give me 6000 of your men." " No, use your dogs." " These dogs are crazy." "Get these crazy hounds off me." "Get those crazy hounds out of here!" "Here, take this to Claude." " Not me!" "That's me!" " Louis, get out of here or you'll get killed." "Oh, no, don't." "No, it's me." "Don't." "Here, take this." "I'll get my valise." ""Liberty, equality, frat..."" "I don't find that amusing." "Where is that swine?" "Get off me!" "I'm telling you, I don't have a birthmark!" " Oh, Claude, you've come back!" " Swine!" "Off your knees, sir." "Your cowardice is showing." "Not in the back." "Not in the back." "In Corsica, they say there are 68 ways to kill a man." "You shall be the 69th." "My teeth!" " My teeth." " Your teeth?" "Come here, you coward." "I want more than your teeth." "Up here." "Up here." " Escargot got away." "Did you see him?" " No." " Did you kill Louis?" " No." "Why would I kill Louis?" "Why?" "What do you mean, "why?" Have you seen this?" "Of course I've seen it." "You get the girls." "I'll meet you in the garden." " Get the what?" " The girls." " How did you get here so fast?" " I took the secret passageway." " How did you get here so fast?" " I took the secret passageway." "Are you all right?" "Come on, let's go!" "I've waited a long time for this day." " We attack at dawn?" " At dawn, you idiot?" "No, we attack now." "Prepare to attack!" " Hurry up, we've got to get to Jacques." " Come on." " I know you are my sister!" " Stop fooling around and come on." "Don't slow down." "We've got to get to Jacques." "We've got to get the proclamation to Jacques." "Charge!" "We've found him." "Jacques." " We did it." "You can stop." " We did it!" " We did it!" " Stop, Jacques." "We did it, Jacques." "Hey, Jacques!" "Fire." "Fire!" "Fire, you idiot." "You're my sister." "And so it came to pass, the meeting of the brothers." "Coupe and de Sisi, de Sisi and Coupe brother and brother, peasant and nobleman." "This was the moment we'd been waiting for." "What would happen?" "Listen to this." ""This incredible meeting was to write a glittering new page in history." "For you see..."" "Now no one will know the secret." "Get the book." "Did you have to shoot them?" " I didn't know you were gonna shoot them." " Bring me that book." "You didn't have to shoot them." "We could have talked things over." "Talk?" "Is that what you wanted?" "Talk?" "Well, but you didn't have to shoot them." ""This incredible meeting was to write a glittering new page in history." "For you see..."" "Free!" "Free!"