"Cordelia:" "I think we should get a limo." "A limo?" "A big." "Expensive limo?" "That sounds like fun." "And it is our last homecoming dance." "so maybe we should make a big deal of it." "You want to talk fun?" "Public bus." "You meet the funnest people." "Back me up here." "Oz." "If it's a dollar issue." "we could all take my van." "Van?" "The homecoming queen doesn't go to the dance in a van." "Use your head." "Technically." "You haven't been elected yet... although you certainly and without a doubt will be." "Who else likes a limo?" "A private limo!" "It is pretty... cuddlesome." "And if we all split the cost..." "Um... maybe." "You know." "if I go and all." "Why wouldn't you go?" "You already have your tickets." "Unless you don't have a da-ay or two... to think about it." "We should all think about it." "What's going on here?" "Did Scott not ask her to the homecoming dance yet?" "Thanks." "Cordelia." "Humiliation's really good for my color." "Oh." "Um... well." "No." "I just... assumed that you would think it was corny or something." "but I'm in..." "I mean." "if you are." "If you want to." "Uh." "Sure..." "I do." "You know." "If you want to." "Scott:" "I do if you want to." "The judges will accept that as a yes." "Do you want me to get you another drink?" "Um... no." "Actually." "Uh..." "I'm a little tired." "I think I'm gonna call it a night." "But I'm excited about the dance." "Me too." "[Shivering And Moaning]" "[Footsteps]" "It's just me." "Here." "How are you feeling?" "It hurts... less." "Good." "I haven't told Giles and the others... that you're back." "Giles..." "And I'm not going to." "They wouldn't understand that you're... better." "And I'm gonna keep helping you get better." "It's just that everything's different now." "I'm a senior." "I'm really working harder in school." "I'm even thinking about college." "And I'm involved with someone." "His name is Scott." "He's a nice." "Solid guy." "He makes me happy... and that's what I need... someone I can count on." "I don't think we should see each other anymore." "You don't?" "When did this happen?" "Where was I?" "Buffy." "It's just... before we were going out." "you-you seemed so... full of life." "like a force of nature." "Now you just seem distracted all the time." "And..." "I'm getting better." "Honest." "In fact." "From here on." "you are gonna see a drastic distraction reduction." ""Drastic distraction reduction."" "Try saying that 10 times fast." "I'm really sorry." "Is that her?" "In the nubile flesh." "my friend." "That's the target." "Woman:" "The mayor will see you now." "I'm sorry to bother you." "Sir." "I'm not bothered." "Allan." "Well." "I'm not sure how serious this is." "but they were spotted in town three days ago." "I've just been informed." "Frederick and Hans Gruenshtahler... wanted in Germany for capital murder." "terrorism." "The bombing of flight 1402..." "I should have brought it to your attention sooner." "but I'd-I'd wanted to confirm..." "Would you show me your hands." "Please?" "Sir?" "Your hands." "I think they could be cleaner." "Of course." "Sir." "I mean." "I washed them." "But..." "After every meal and under your fingernails." "Dirt gets trapped there and germs and mayonnaise." "My dear mother said." ""Cleanliness is next to godliness." and I believed her." "She never caught a cold." "I'd like these two to be put under surveillance." "and I'd like to know if any other colorful characters have come to town." "I'll take care of it." "You have all my faith." "You have to help me pick an outfit." "I want to wear something that makes Oz go. "Oh."" "No problem." "I got the tux goin' on." "I'm gonna look hot if it even remotely fits." "Whatcha doin'?" "Checking out the..." "I laughingly use the phrase... competition." "Holly Charleston..." "nice girl." "Brain dead." "doesn't have a prayer." "Michelle Blake..." "open to all mankind." "especially those with a letterman's jacket and a car." "She could give me a run." "Where's Buffy?" "She's gonna miss the yearbook pictures." "Buffy and Faith are in the library getting all sweaty." "They're training." "I stand by my phrase." "I don't think she was here the day they announced them." "Did anybody tell her?" "I'll tell her now." "I have to go to the nurse's office for an ice pack anyway." "Did you hurt yourself?" "No." "Silly." "It shrinks the pores." "[Grunting]" "Man!" "Guys should break up with you more often." "Gee." "Thank you." "I mean it." "You really got some quality rage going." "Really gives you an edge." "Edge-girl." "Just what I always wanted to be." "Well." "Screw him." "All right?" "You move on." "And... you party heavily." "and you'll be fine." "You're still going to that dance." "Right?" "Maybe." "You got the tix already." "Why don't we go together?" "I don't know about that." "Come on." "We'll find a couple studs." "we'll use them and... discard them." "That's always fun." "OK." "I'm in." "Not the stud-using part." "though." "Or... probably not." "Uh." "Bobby." "Mashad." "You don't phone." "you don't write." "Where's the love?" "Miss Moran?" "Hi." "I'm so glad that I ran into you." "I had this little incident last year... of getting kicked out of school." "and I'm back now." "Though." "I've done all of my makeup tests." "but I still need one written recommendation from a teacher..." "I think the word that Principal Snyder used was "glowing..."" "to put in my file so I can prove that I belong here." "And you are..." "Buffy." "B-Buffy Summers." "Third row." "I sat by the window." "Your class..." "Contemporary American Heroes... from Amelia Earhart to Maya Angelou." "The class that changed my life." "Were you absent a lot." "Um..." "Buffy." "Cordelia:" "Hi." "I hope you'll consider me for homecoming queen." "I can't believe it." "My favorite teacher." "And she didn't even remember who I was." "I'm like a nonperson." "Am I invisible?" "Can you see me?" "Big as life." "At Hemery." "I was prom princess." "I was fiesta queen." "I was on the cheerleading squad." "The yearbook was." "Like." "a story of me." "Now it's senior year." "And I'm going to be one crappy picture... on 1/8 of one crappy page." "Uh." "No." "Actually." "You're not." "What do you mean?" "Well." "You missed the picture-taking." "When?" "Why?" "Oz:" "We did them yesterday." "Willow:" "Didn't Cordelia tell you?" "Thanks for your support." "Buffy." "You look so cute in that outfit." "I'm not voting for you." "Then make it snappy." "How come you didn't tell me they were doing the yearbook pictures?" "Didn't I?" "Oh." "I guess I forgot." "What's the big?" "It's just... you could've thought about somebody else... for 30 seconds." "That's all." "Hey." "I am under a lot of pressure here." "Oh." "Yeah." "Campaigning." "Rough gig." "What would you know about it?" "Just because you were guacamole queen when you were three... doesn't mean you understand how this works." "Obviously." "It involves handing out entirely lame flyers." "No." "It involves being part of this school... and having actual friends." "Now." "If it was about monsters." "blood." "And innards." "then you'd be a shoo-in." "I'd like to see you try to win the crown." "You would?" "[Sighs]" "Then you will." "What does that mean?" "I'm gonna show you how it's done." "I'm gonna run for homecoming queen." "and I'm going to win." "This is starting to be sad." "Sorry." "Cordy." "But you have no idea who you're messing with." "What?" "The slayer?" "I'm not talking about the slayer." "I'm talking about Buffy." "You've awakened the prom queen within." "and that crown is going to be mine." "Man:" "Competition." "Competition is a beautiful thing." "It makes us strive." "It... makes us accomplish." "Occasionally." "It makes us kill." "We all have the desire to win." "whether we're human... vampire... and whatever the hell you are." "My brother." "You got them spiny-looking head things." "I ain't never seen them before." "I am Kulak of the Miquot clan." "Isn't that nice." "Point is." "You're all here for the same reason." "It sure ain't no philosophy class now." "Is it?" "Mr. Gorch." "my account statement says... that your deposit has not yet been made." "Me and Candy... we blown our whole honeymoon stash... on this little game here." "They're dirty." "They're nonconsecutive." "The games will begin in a few days' time." "The first target..." "Buffy..." "you've all seen." "The second..." "Faith..." "is a little more elusive." "But they will both be together and ready for the killing." "and that is a money-back guarantee." "Ladies." "Gentlemen." "spiny-headed looking creatures... welcome to SlayerFest '98." "What do you think of this?" "Nice." "It's my first big dance." "you know?" "Where there's a boy and a band... and not just me alone in my room... pretending that there's a boy and a band." " I just want it to be..." " Special." "That's why I spared no expense on the tux." "The tux?" "I thought you borrowed it from your cousin Rigby." "Expense to my pride." "Wil." "They're our only relations with money." "And they shun us... as they should." "What do you think about this?" "Nice." "What?" "I was just..." "Remember the eighth-grade cotillion?" "You had that clip-on." "I was pretty stylin' with the clip-on." "And now here we are." "and it's homecoming." "We should face it." "Wil." "You and I are gonna be in neighboring rest homes... while I come over so you can adjust my... my." "Uh..." "Well." "I can't think of anything that's not really gross." "So." "Uh... you and Oz." "How do I put this?" "Are we on first." "Second." "or." "Uh..." ""Ye gods?"" "That's none of your business." "Alexander Harris." "Ohh... rounding second." "You don't know that." "What about you and Cordelia?" "Oh." "A gentleman never talks about his conquests." "Oh." "Yeah?" "Well." "Since when did you become a... gentleman?" "I..." "I know. "Nice."" "I was gonna go with "gorgeous."" "Really?" "You too." "In..." "In a guy way." "Oz is very lucky." "So is Cordelia..." "in a girl way." "I don't know if I can dance in this." "I don't know if I can dace:" "Come on." "Piece of cake." "Here." "Well." "That seems to..." "Yeah." "This shouldn't be a problem." "No." "No problem." "That didn't just happen!" "No!" "I mean." "It did." "but it didn't." "Because I respect you... and Oz..." "and I would never..." "I would never." "Either." "It must be the clothes." "It's a fluke." "It's a clothes fluke." "That's what it is." "There'll be no more fluking." "Not ever." "We got to get out of these clothes." "Right now." "Oh." "I didn't mean..." "I didn't..." "Me." "Either!" "Buffy:" "A campaign is like a war." "It's won or lost in the trenches." "Holly." "Michelle." "and our real competition." "Cordelia." "all have big head starts." "Speaking of big heads." "if I had a watermelon as big as Cordelia's." "I'd be rich." "Waits for laugh..." "OK." "You're right." "Making fun of the competition... only makes me seem petty." "Now." "This is just like any other popularity contest." "I've done this before." "The only difference being... this time." "I'm not actually popular." "Although." "I'm not exactly unpopular." "A lot of people came to my welcome home party." "But they were killed by zombies." "Good point." "OK." "Here's the plan." "Willow." "I need you to make a database." "See who's for us." "who's on the fence." "And where our real crisis areas are." "Oz." "You take the fringe..." "musicians." "those not normally inclined to vote." "Xander." "What..." "Uh." "Cordelia." "OK." "look." "I know this is a little awkward." "but I don't see any reason why we all can't get along... during this campaign time." "I mean." "We're... almost friends." "and we are all riding together in the limo." "Yeah." "Great." "Willow." "How's that database coming?" "Uh." "It's... just about done." "Xander?" "I got your new flyers." "Let's get cracking." "She's my girlfriend." "It's just that... she needs it so much more than you do." "As Willow goes." "so goes my nation." "Thanks for what you said." "Buffy." "I think we're getting along great." "Don't you?" "Seems like a lot of fuss for one little title." "Well." "You know." "It's no fun if you don't try your best." "As long as fun is still in the mix." "Sure." "It's not like anyone takes it that seriously." "Well." "I don't wanna be president" "Superman or Clark Kent" "I don't wanna walk 'round in their shoes" "'Cause I don't know whose side I'm on" "I don't know my right from wrong" "I don't know where I'm going to" "I don't know" "About you" "[Roars]" "I'll be the rain" "Falling on your fire escape" " Sorry." " Here." "I may not be the man you want me to" "I heard you were doing this." "Uh... yeah." "It's just something to pass the time." "It's silly." "Really." "I don't think so." "And for what it's worth." "you have my vote." "I don't want you to feel..." "Thank you." "I don't wanna make you mad" "I don't wanna meet your dad" "I don't wanna be your dream-come-true" "[Inaudible]" "'Cause I don't know just what I've found" "I don't know my sky from ground" "I don't know where I'm going to" "I don't know" "About you" "Hey." "Hi." "How are you?" "You good?" "You look good." "Anything new?" "Hey." "Did I mention you look good?" "Willow." "It's OK that you're helping Cordelia." "We're best friends." "I'm not gonna hold it against you." "No." "I'm not a friend." "I'm a rabid dog who should be shot." "But there are forces at work here..." "dark." "Incomprehensible forces." "And I'm sure they're more important... than all we've been through together." "or... the number of times that I've saved your life." "What do you want?" "Fifteen minutes alone on your computer with Cordelia's database." "OK." "Good." "Ooh!" "I spoke to the limo people." "and we're all set." "They'll pick up Faith." "Then me." "then swing by and get you guys." "Now." "What's your database tell you about my weaknesses?" "You know." "Jonathan." "I've always felt a special bond between you and me." "Cordelia gave me six bucks." "That buys a whole lot of cupcakes." "Are you kidding?" "I've been doing the Vulcan death grip since I was four." "So you really are giving out money." "Huh?" "Is that any more tacky... than your faux "I'm shy but deep" campaign posters?" "Yes." "This whole trying to be like me really isn't funny anymore." "I was never trying to be like you." "and when was it funny?" "I don't see why your pathetic need to recapture your glory days... gives you the right to splinter my vote." "How can you think it's OK to talk to people like this?" "Do you have parents?" "Yeah." "Two of them..." "unlike some people." "Your brain isn't even connected to your mouth." "Is it?" "Why don't you do us both a favor and stay out of my way?" "Don't... ever... do that again." "You're sick." "You know that?" "Let's not say something we'll regret later." " You crazy freak!" " Vapid whore." "Like that." "Cordelia:" "What did you call me?" "This is just the worst thing that's ever happened." "Ever!" "I know." "I know." "It's just... when I look at you now." "it's like I'm seeing you for the first time." "I'm talking about Buffy and Cordelia." "Me too." "What are we gonna do?" "We have to do something." "This is all our fault." "How do you get from chick fight to our fault?" "Because we felt so guilty about the fluke." "we overcompensated helping Cordelia." "and we spun the whole group dynamic out of orbit." "and we're just a big meteor shower heading for Earth..." "OK." "Calm down." "Let's just put our heads together and think of something." "OK." "One of us here is pretty darn smart." "and I am... just in hell." "I mean." "I thought being a senior at last... and having a girlfriend at last would be a good thing." "Why wouldn't that be a good thing?" "What?" "Sometimes when you're falling to pieces." "your mouth..." "it just does the sweetest thing." "What are we gonna do?" "We just have to get the two of them communicating." "I'm talking about us." "[Door Slams]" "What's going on here?" "Where's Faith?" ""Dear Cordelia and Buffy." ""We won't be riding to the dance with you." ""We want you to work out your problems..." ""because our friendships are more important..." ""than who wins homecoming queen." ""Your friends." "P.S. The limo was not cheap." "Work it out."" "Well..." "They bought us corsages?" "I took the orchid." "OK." "Cordelia:" "I don't see what the big deal is." "I'm not making a big deal." "You wanted the orchid." "you got the orchid." "It goes with my complexion better." "It does have that sallow tint." "Finally we're here." "[Driver's Door Closes]" "What is this?" "OK." "Guys." "We've had enough of your stupid little games!" "What's massively wrong with this picture?" "Hello." "Ladies." "Welcome to SlayerFest '98." "What is a SlayerFest." "You ask?" "Well." "As in most of life." "there's the hunters and the hunted." "Can you guess where you two fall?" "From the beginning of this tape." "you have exactly 30 seconds... no." "That's 17 now... to run for your lives." "Faith..." "Buffy... have a nice death." "Hello!" "How stupid are you people?" "She's a slayer." "I'm a homecoming queen." "[Gunshot]" "[Gasps]" "She flies from a blinding light" "And spirals to my heart" "I try to find..." "What are you two so mopey about?" "We're not mopey." "We're groovin'." "On Oz's band." "He's a great guy." "Oz." "He wrote this song for me." "Sleazebag!" "We have to find Buffy." "Something terrible's happened." "Just kidding." "Thought I'd give you a scare." "Are those finger sandwiches?" "I have an idea." "We talk to these people." "we explain that I'm not a slayer and they let me go." "Look out!" "Get down!" "That's gotta smart." "Now." "I can let you out of that." "or I can put a bullet in your head." "How many are there in this little game." "and what are they packing?" "There's me." "two Germans with AR-15s and grenade launcher... yellow-skinned demon with long knives... vampire couple from Texas named Gorch." "That everybody?" "Everybody who's out here." "Germans are wired." "Their boss is tracking them on computer." "Now get me out of this!" "Could I ask an eensy favor?" "Could you just tell your friends that I'm not..." "Scott?" "There you are." "Honey." "Hey." "Good news." "The doctor says that the itching and the swelling... and the burning should clear up." "but we got to keep using the ointment." "Hi." "Uh..." "I suspect the finger food contains... actual fingers." "I think I'll retreat to the library until the coronation." "I want to be here when Buffy..." "Well." "However the thing turns out for her." "And that was a very fine thing you two did." "putting Buffy and Cordelia together." "We did one fine thing." "Yeah." "They've been gone for a while." "They must really be getting into it." "We should be safe in here for a while." "You need to find a weapon." "Safe?" "I'm not safe." "I'm gonna die." "Yeah." "You are if you just stand there." "I'm never gonna be crowned homecoming queen." "I'm never gonna graduate from high school." "I'm never gonna know if it's real between me and Xander." "or if it's just..." "some temporary insanity... that made me think..." "I loved him." "And now I'm never gonna get the chance to tell him." "Yes." "You are." "We are gonna get out of here." "and we are gonna head back to the library." "where Giles and the rest of the weapons live." "Then I'm gonna take out the rest of these guys... just in time for you to congratulate me... on my sweeping victory as homecoming queen." "I know what you're up to." "You think if you get me mad enough." "I won't be so scared." "And." "Hey... it's working!" "Where's a damn weapon?" "You really love Xander?" "Well." "He kind of grows on you." "Like... a Chia Pet." "That's it?" "Just this and a telephone." "A telephone." "And you didn't think that'd be helpful?" "No." "This is better for..." "Oh." "You're about to see why Daniel Boone and that idiot demon... are creatures of the past... and why I am the future." "I'm picking up a signal." "They've got a phone!" "If you get this message." "Giles." "get help and get out here..." "Hello?" "What happened?" "It went dead." "Want me to cut that leg off?" "No." "Thanks." "Old Man:" "Continue proceeding south 90 meters... to vector three." "Buffy." "On Answering Machine:" "Giles." "It's me... and Cordelia." "We're in a cabin in Miller's Woods." "and we're in big trouble." "Why is it every time I go somewhere with you." "it always ends in violence and terror?" "Welcome to my life." "I don't want to be in your life." "I want to be in my life." "Well." "There's the door." "Please feel free to walk out at any time and live your life." "All I wanted was to be homecoming queen." "And that's all I wanted." "too." "Cordelia." "I spent a year's allowance on this dress." "I don't even get why you care about homecoming... when you're doing stuff like this." "Because this is all I do." "This is what my life is." "You couldn't understand." "I just thought..." "homecoming queen." "I could pick up a yearbook someday and say." ""I was there."" "I went to high school." "I had friends." "And for one moment." "I got to live in the world." "And there'd be proof... proof... that I was chosen... for something other than this." "Besides..." "I look cute in a tiara." "Do you hear..." "Aah!" "[Demon Growling]" "Cor." "The gun!" "Ooh!" "Cordelia." "The spatula." "Prepare to launch." "[Grunting]" "Old Man:" "Target's in range." "Ready your weapon." ""Y" access 53 degrees west by eight degrees south." "Buffy!" "[Click]" "Launch!" "Aah!" "[Gasping And Panting]" "We got to get back to the library." "Easy." "Darlin'." "These things go through you... faster than Grandpa Pete's chili." "I want to do Buffy..." "My wedding' present for what happened to your poor brother." " Tector." " When's she comin'?" "He's her watcher." "She'll show... just as soon... as she gets rid of some of our competition." "They're heading west." "back into town." "They got away?" "Temporarily." "Well." "Give it up for the slayers." "They got character." "[Knock On Door]" "I'll take care of it." "Evening." "Gentlemen." "How may I help you?" "Excuse me." "anybody got a warrant here?" "Jungle Bob and spike-head are down and out." "We've lost the Germans twice." "but they seem to keep finding us." "If we take them out and the Gorches." "we can still make homecoming." "Those animals!" "Hunting us down like poor defenseless... well." "Animals." "We just need to find Giles..." "Ooh!" "Buffy!" "Unh!" "Candy!" "Oh." "Candy." "I'm gonna kill both of you slayers for this!" " Hear me?" " I hear you." "You redneck moron." "You got a dress that goes with that hat?" "I'm gonna..." "Rip out my innards." "play with my eyeballs." "boil my brain and eat it for brunch?" "Listen up." "Needle-brain." "Buffy and I have taken out four of your cronies." "not to mention your girlfriend." " Wife!" " Whatever." "The point is." "I haven't even broken a sweat." "See." "In the end." "Buffy's just the runner-up." "I'm the queen." "You get me mad." "what do you think I'm gonna do to you?" "Later." "That should teach him to mistake you for a slayer." "I must admit I do feel partly responsible." "I did give your friends tacit approval... to make the switch in the limousine." "Aw." "It's OK." "It gave Cor and I a chance... to spend some quality death time." "And we got these free corsages." "That's nice... although I don't recall them mentioning corsages." "Jungle Bob said that the Germans... were hooked into a computer system." "And they're hooked into us." "[Door Slams]" "Oh." "God." "get rid of these things!" "I need some wet toilet paper." "Yeah." "That'll help." "Old Man:" "Transmitting coordinates now." "They're 50 feet away." "Old Man:" "Axis six degrees by 43." "I have them both in range." "I have the targets together at 20 feet north and stationary." "Final position is locked." "Fire when ready." "Both targets seven degrees by 35." "Adjust right ten degrees." "Fire!" "Fire!" "I won." "[Chuckles]" "[Snaps Fingers]" "Hello!" "Nice to meet you." "Hi." "It's a pleasure." "Where am I?" "In my office." "I'm Richard Wilkins." "I'm the mayor of Sunnydale." "and you're..." "Mr. Trick." "Please." "Sit down." "That's an exciting suit." "Well." "Clothes make the man." "Well." "As I understand it." "you're not a man... exactly." "Mr. Trick." "I've been the mayor for quite some time." "I like things to run smoothly." "This is a very important year for me." "Election year." "Something like that." "If this is the point where you tell me... that I don't fit in here in your quiet little neighborhood." "you can just skip it 'cause." "See." "that all got old long before I became a vampire." "Do you know what I'm saying?" "Do you have children?" "Children are the heart of a community." "They need to be looked after..." "controlled." "The more rebellious element needs to be dealt with." "The children are our future." "We need them." "I need them." "If this rebellious element means who I think it does." "then that problem may be taken care of this very night." "So I've heard." "That's a very enterprising idea you have..." "SlayerFest." "I love that name." "By the way." "You see." "That's the kind of initiative I need on my team." "What if I don't want to be a part of the team?" "Oh." "No." "That won't be an issue." "See." "You and I are gonna get along very well." "Moist towelette?" "Hey." "Guys." "The moment we've all been waiting for." "They're gonna announce the queen." "Where are they?" "What's keeping them?" "I'm gonna go with mud wrestling." "Oh." "God!" "What did you two do to each other?" " Long story." " Got hunted." "Apparently not that long." "Tell you one thing." "Though... you don't want to mess with Cordelia." "[Laughs] No." "In this envelope." "I hold the name of this year's homecoming queen." "After all that we've been through tonight." "this whole who-gets-to-be-queen capade seems pretty..." " Damn important." " Oh." "Yeah." "And the winner is..." "Hey." "I believe we have a first for Sunnydale High." "We have a tie." "The winners are Holly Charleston and Michelle Blake." "[Applause]" "I'm just so honored!" "I can't believe it!" "I mean." "That you would pick me... or us... out of every girl in the whole school!" "It's just..." "It's so wonderful!" "I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry." "[Crying]" "[Growling]"