"[music continues]" "[music continues]" "[music ends] [jazz music on radio]" "'I mailed it yesterday.'" "He'll never complain again if my love isn't too sure." "[music stops]" " That's strange." " Maybe the tube burned out." "Oh, that old thing is always costing us.." "(man on radio) 'Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, We will have to go' 'off air immediately.'" "Due to distress signals from the Atlantic coast." "Please stand by." "[tapping] [indistinct chattering]" "15 miles northeast of rock island." "Alright." "The S 89." "What's the name of the excursion boat?" "'The Pilgrim' from Boston, alright." "Lt. Commander Blake and Lt. Sanford knocked off the super structure and rescued." "I got that." "How many men left aboard the sub?" "12 and 1 officer." "Alright." "A fleet of destroyer's starting to the rescue now." "That's swell." "Joe, you stick at the Navy yard." "Let me have it as you get it." "Hey Harry, Dave." "Where are all you.." "[siren wailing]" "[engine's droning]" "What do you think chief?" "How could anybody think with 80 feet of water on their brain?" "And I had a date with a swell broad tonight." "You better call and tell her you'll be trifle late." " Nuts, I broke." " Oh-oh, there she goes." "(male #1) Hey, what's the idea?" "(male #2) Nobody put a quarter in the meter." "(male #3) The next dance will be a moonlight special." "[horn blows]" "(male #4) Equipment ready, sir." "[siren wailing]" "Mr. McClenahan." " What is it Stevens?" " Take a look at that, sir." "Hmm." "Just enough oxygen to last half an hour." "This ain't no picnic, sir." "No Stevens, this certainly is no picnic." "[engine droning]" "[siren wailing] [continues droning]" "Any of you men who'd wanna try going out through the torpedo tube." "Go ahead." "We're only in about 80 feet of water so... they're fighting chances to make it." "I don't have to tell you what the water and sudden change of pressure may do to you." "All I'd say is, worth a try." "Anyway, it's better than staying down here and choking to death." "Well, anybody wanna try it?" "I'll try it, sir." "'Go for put a lung on." "Get number four tube ready.'" " I'm ready to take my chances." " Me too." "[hissing]" " Good luck, kid." " Thank you, sir." "Write us when you get there." "[hissing] Well, who's next?" "[siren wailing] [indistinct yelling]" "[wailing continues]" "So long kid, don't wait for the stop signals." "Mr. McClenahan, I'll have a hot cup of coffee waiting for you when you come up." "And you guys lay off the-the compass alcohol." "It'll be safe now that you're gone." " Who's next after Vent?" " I'll try, sir." " He should." " Alright, get ready." "[hissing] [indistinct yelling]" "(male #5) Easy there." "[engines droning]" "(male #6) Okay." "Lower away." "Aye." "Aye." "Come on." "Hurry up, put that lung on, will you?" " Mr. McClenahan." " Yeah?" "After I go out, who's gonna pull that lever for you?" "It looks like I'm elected to stay here, Steve." "Come on, hurry up will you?" "Listen sir, this ain't right." "Now, wait a minute." "Stevens, I gave you an order." "Get into that torpedo tube." "Excuse me, sir." "But I ain't gonna do it." "What's the matter?" "Are you afraid that change of pressure..." "I ain't afraid of nothing." "But I ain't gonna let you kill yourself, saving me." "I'm your commanding officer." "I ordered you..." "Orders, discipline, all that don't count for nothing now." "It's just plain common sense." "One of us has got to stay here and die." "Now, you're a fine young fellow." "With your whole life ahead of you." "And I'm just an old guy that's just as good as finished now." "It's my job to stay with the ship." "You got a mother, haven't you?" "And she loves you, don't she?" "'What do you think... '" "Are You gonna to get in that torpedo tube?" "'No Scotty, you are.'" "My old carcass ain't worth saving." "You got everything in the world to live for." "You know, I'm right." "You know it." "Maybe so." "Gimme that lung." "[hissing] [panting]" "[continues panting]" "[clanging]" "[clanging continues]" "[clanging]" "[continues panting]" "[people cheering]" "[blowing retreat]" "Come on, kid." "Come on, rise and shine." "Get out of there." "What's the matter with you?" " What time is it?" " Time to get dressed." "Unless you want to meet the Admiral in your pajamas." "I bet he wears a night shirt." "I couldn't say." "You'll have to ask his wife." "After I salute the Admiral, can I go on back to bed?" "'Fat chance." "You're a hero.'" " Didn't anyone tell you?" " Quit riding' me, will you?" "I'm still sick as a dog from that oxygen pump." "That's tough kid." "But they'll never lay off of, of you now." "From now on, you're America's sweetheart." "Here's your new rubber, Scotty." " 'What is this?" "'" " Ship tailor whipped it in a couple of hours with your new insignia." "You knew you've been promoted, didn't you?" "'Promoted?" "'" "Three Grades, that's all." "Just Three grades." "Commander McClenahan." "Came through officially about an hour ago." "[blowing retreat]" "Why should they wanna promote me?" "I resigned from the navy a week ago." "Just waiting to hear if they accepted my resignation or not." "All I know is you got promoted." "You're a hero and you belong to the ages." "Why all this ballyhoo about me?" "I didn't do anything." "Divers had to haul me up." "They're the heroes." "I'd say listen kid, what does the public know about the technical job of raising a submarine?" "They're not interested in bow hunt divers who eat with knives." "What they want is romance." "That's you." " Oh, Blueberries." " Sure, that's what they want." "You, an ex football hero." "Laying down his life for his pals." "Trapped in a watery grave." "Raised from the dead." "Say, listen, you're every mother's dream, kiddy." "Every school teacher's fallin' asleep nights, thinkin' of running her hands through your hair." "Oh, will you pipe down before my insides start doing back flips instead of just plain flat one's." "[knocking on door]" "See who it is, will you?" "For Commander McClenahan, sir." "Wow!" " Some radiogram, Scotty." " Radiogram?" "Ho-ho." "Handsome." "Come on, open him up for me, will you?" "Read it." " What's it say?" "Hurry up." " You must be a big shot now." "Look at the flock of these radiograms." ""Janet and I will meet you at pier, so proud and happy."" ""Dearest love, Mother."" "Well, mom's are best." "She's spinning like a top." "That the Janet that came down to Minneapolis to see you graduate." "Yeah." "I bet she's doing some spinning too." "Go on, read some more." "What's the next one say?" "Here's something tasty." ""I've just named my new born son Scott McClenahan Goldfarm."" ""Signed, Moses Goldfarm."" "That's certainly a big load off my mind." "Oh, boy." "Come on." "What's the next one say?" "Hurry up." "I'm hurrying, I can't wait to see myself." "Old butter fingers." ""Can offer you 16 weeks in Waterville at 3,000 a week."" "Great leaping tuna, Scotty." "3000 a week?" " Why, you'll be a millionaire." " What do you think I am?" " A trained seal?" " Aren't you going to accept it?" "Say for $ 3,000 a week, they could exhibit me naked in Times Square." "3,000 a week, that's more money than I ever heard of." "Read the next one." "Read 'em and weep, boy." ""Make no statement to press until I meet you"" ""with detailed arrangement." "Joseph Craig Chapin."" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Beats me, who's Joseph Craig Chapin." "I don't know, he must be a big boat to carry those three names." "I wonder if he's the guy that owns Chapin's magazine." "Maybe it's a misprint for Charlie Chaplin." "[knocking on door]" "Come in." "Captain Fisher's compliments, sir." "The Admiral is just coming aboard." "'Alright thanks." "I'll be right up.'" "Boy, we've got a knock on it now." "Scotty, you wanna hear any more of these?" "Oh, I won't have time to, kid." "We've got to step on it." "Hmm, look at this thing." "Uh, Scotty, before you go.." "Wonder if you'd mind writing your name on these pajamas." "Are you feeling alright?" "Sure, I just thought that.." "Oh, well don't do it then if you don't want to." "Oh, I just assumed, but why spoil a good pair of pajamas?" " Oh, forget it." " Oh, wait a minute." "I'll do it." "Only I think you're a bug house." "Now, where's the pen?" "Here we are." "And, Scotty..." "the date too." "Here you are." "Much obliged." "[knocking on door]" "Come in, come in, come in.." "Sir, you're wanted on deck immediately." "Alright, alright, I'm coming." "Say, have you got a handkerchief?" "[ships honking]" "Commander McClenahan." "Admiral Blaine, Commander McClenahan." " Commander McClenahan." " Admiral." "Commander, it's my privilege to extend to you the sincere congratulations of the Navy for valorous conduct at a time of extreme peril." "Thank you." "I.." "I wouldn't be here now, if it weren't for the divers and their wonderful work." "And I only did what anybody else would have done in my place." "[sniffing]" "Got a handkerchief?" "(male #1) 'All to the deck.'" "Say, Commander.." "Will you do your speech again for the news video-cameraman?" "The sound equipment went wrong then." "We didn't get it." "It'll only take a second." "Admiral, will you step down." "We've got to do that speech." "Are you ready, boys?" "Okay for sound." "Turn 'em over." "'Alright, Admiral.'" "Commander, it is my privilege to extend to you the sincere congratulations of the Navy for your valorous conduct at a time of extreme peril." "Thank you." "I-I wouldn't be here now, if it weren't for the divers and their wonderful work." "I-I only did what anyone else would have done in my place." "'Scotty, Scotty look this way." "A nice big smile.'" "'Right into the cameras now.'" "'That's fine, thank you.'" "Let's go, Commander." "Hey, wait a minute." " Where're you taking me?" " Where the tug is waiting." "How's this for giving me a chance to get into a more comfortable uniform?" "It's okay with me, Scotty." "[honking]" "[indistinct chattering]" "Gentlemen, Commander McClenahan." " Congratulations, Commander." " Delighted to meet you." " Indeed a privilege." " Honored." "You must have had quite a sea sailing', Commander." "Well, not really." "[people cheering]" "Have you any plans for the future, Commander?" "No, not exactly." "When they accept my resignation from the Navy.." "I suppose I'll be looking for a job." " You're resigning?" " Yes." "Are you doing it because you'll feel free to make comments?" "Perhaps you've got ideas about submarines and safety devices." "No, I've nothing to say." "We just had a bad break." "Pool excursion boat rammed into us." "What were your thoughts?" "Did your life flash before you?" "No." "Are you expecting any motion picture offers?" "For Pete's sake, no." "You'll have to hurry, we're almost ready to dock." " Your mother'll be down there?" " I hope so." "Expecting anyone else?" "Commander, we better go forward." "[people cheering]" "[cheering continues]" "Scotty!" "I'm his mother." "I'm so proud of you." "I don't know what to do." "Mom, mom, please calm down." " Hello, Janet." " Hello, Scott." "You poor boy, isn't this awful?" "I wish those divers hadn't gotten down there." "Thanks, Scotty, I got it." "Sorry, ladies." "[clamoring]" "Well, my boy, welcome." "Glad to see you." " Take good care of him." " Certainly." " You got my message?" " I don't know." " I'm Chapin." " Well, what of it." "I transfer radiographs aboard ships." " Joseph Craig Chapin." " Yeah, man with three names." "Yes." "We have your program all planned out." "It's a little bit crowded, but it'll run like clockwork." "What program are you talking about?" "Will you do it again?" "Cameras weren't set up." "The scene where you greeted your mother." " Will you go to hell?" " Come on, my boy." " Get inside, get inside." " Where you taking me?" "Nevermind, leave that to us." "My boy, we've got to get going." "Move right along." "That's right." " Who are you?" " I'm your manager." "I don't need a manager." "I need a handkerchief." "Scotty, please kiss little Mary Jane." "Do something, I don't understand." "I got a button from Scotty." "[indistinct clamoring]" "Why?" "The people need to get a better look at you." "Alright, let's go." "Come on, hurry up now." "[band music]" "[music continues]" "[music continues]" "[music continues]" "'A man who joins the elustrous ranks of great national heroes' 'along with Washington, Lincoln and Lindberg.'" "We have welcomed many heroes to this great city but none of them more deserving of our praises or stands closer to our hearts than this fine clean upstanding young American.." "Commander Scott McClenahan." "(cameraman) 'Commander, shake hands again please.'" "'For the camera.'" " How you standing it?" " Pretty tired." "You look all in." "Can I do anything for you?" "No, thanks." "Oh, unless you've got a handkerchief." "[blowing nose] [indistinct chattering]" "[whistling]" "Why do I've to sign all of these?" "'Cause they're replies to letters people have written." "A lot of goofs writing to someone they don't know." "If you're going to take that attitude towards your public" " you'll soon regret it." " Why should I regret it?" "I told you I don't want anything from them." "All I want's a job, an engineering job." "Say, old man, who hired you anyway?" " Why, Mr. Chapin, hired me." " Certainly." "You don't expect me to take care of your mail alone." "What I want and what I expect don't amount to anything." "Strangers push and shove me in and out of cars and run my life for me." "Are you confident to take care of your own business?" "Well, I've done it and stayed out of lunatic asylum so far." "Sutter, hand me the evening papers." "I'll show you how confident you are." "What happened when you disregarded my advice about talking to reporters without first seeing me." "Ah, here we are." ""Hero of S89 accuses excursion boat captain." ""His eyes alight with anger, Commander McClenahan lashed out in wrath against the pool excursion boat..."" "I never said anything like that." "That's terrible." " Let me see that." " There it is." "'Wait a minute, here's another one.'" ""No criticism, says Scotty quitting Navy." ""Scotty denied he will bring inefficiency charges against Navy head."" "They'll court-marshal me for that." " Let me see that." " 'Look it over'." ""Mayor gives Scotty city's freedom and clean handkerchief." " "Modest young hero..."" " Oh, stop it!" "I've had plenty." "That's a terrible thing to do to a guy." "Well, do you need a manager or do you want to do it alone?" "I'm licked." "From now on I won't even take a bath, unless you're there." "Oh, it's not that bad, old boy." "But you do need an experienced manager to keep a celebrity in right, with the press and the public." "How do you make your living?" "Just managing freaks?" "Oh, no, that's a sideline." "I'm really in the publishing business." "It gives me all kinds of magazine and newspaper and advertising connections for the benefit of the freaks I manage." "I'm beginning to catch on." "You and Sutter and I are in business." " Cash in on an accident." " 'Accident?" "'" "Sure." "We're all trying to get rich, 'cause I had the good luck or the bad luck to do my duty down that submarine." "Well, your analysis of the situation is little bit crude." "But it's true." "Here's the draft of Commander McClenahan's speech" " for the banquet tonight." " Who wrote it?" "You?" "Of course, he's going to write all your speeches." "If Sutter wrote it, let him make the speech." " Scotty, for heaven's sake." " Hey, listen here." "You can shove me in and out of cars, tell me where to go what I've to do, make me pose for cameramen but I won't read that speech in public." " 'What's wrong with it?" "'" " What's wrong with it?" "I'll tell you what's wrong." "It's just tripe and gush." "Makes me shrivel up inside just reading it to myself." "They'll throw chairs at me." "What do you think I am?" "A sissy poet?" "Engrave it on a valentine." "Do anything." "Don't ask me to say it." "Not Mrs. McClenahan's little boy." " Say, that speech is great." " It is?" "Well, listen to this." "Just listen to it." ""I who have stood on the brink of the grave" ""and have felt death's dark angel" ""brush my cheek with her wing, have gained by this experience a finer and saner perspective on life."" "I won't say it, do you hear?" "I won't say it." ""I who have stood on the brink of the grave" ""and felt death's dark angel.." ""Brush my cheek with her wings" ""have-have gained through this experience a truer and finer perspective on life."" "That's a great speech, Commander." "[indistinct chattering]" "Here's the pen, my boy." "Commander, it's time to please the ladies." "There you are." "Please autograph mine." "I want mine autographed on both sides." "Dear Mr. McClenahan, won't you autograph this song for me?" "It'll make me so proud and happy." "It's the sweetest song, just published this afternoon." "Have you heard it, Mr. McClenahan?" "No, I haven't ma'am." "Would you excuse me, please?" "Where're you going?" "Just plain daffy, unless I can get outta here." "Don't be an idiot." "You're the guest of honor." " You can't walk out like this." " I can't, huh?" "Listen to this, I'm going to tell you.." "[instrumental music]" "* There's a brand new name known to history and fame *" "* It's our Scotty McClenahan" "* As he bravely fought.." "Doesn't this make you proud and happy?" "You have no idea." "Commander, you sing the verse and we'll all sing the chorus." "Well, I have a sore throat, I couldn't really, I'm sorry." "Oh, that's too bad." "But it's thrilling." "It's thrilling." "That's a great idea." "Why don't you do it?" "Will you stop?" "* Scotty boy, your little sweetheart smiles *" "* From Maine to California" "* Through Uncle Sammy's miles" "* Three cheers for the red, white and blue *" "* Oh, Scotty boy" "* America's pride Scotty boy *" " What're you going to do?" " I'll ring that canary's neck." "Oh, now, Scotty don't be silly." "That's wonderful." "Come on, that's great." "[singing continues]" "* Scotty boy" "* Your mother's prayers are answered, Scotty boy *" "* Your little sweetheart smiles *" "* From Maine to California" "* Through Uncle Sammy's miles" "* Three cheers for the red, white and blue * [cheering]" "I can't stand this any longer." "I'm going." "Come on." "Where's your sense of humor?" "Be a good fellow, as a favor to me." "Come on and sit down." "That's a boy." "Come on, Scotty." " Gee, she's a beauty." " Best looking car in town." "Scotty didn't pay a cent for it." "They gave it to him for writing a letter telling how good it is." " What's that do, Funny?" " Looks like a waffle iron." " It's got everything on it." " I wish he'd come out but I suppose he's having such a a good time in there." " Have you run out of smokes?" " There's your plates." " Can you just help yourselves." " Don't mind me." "Mr. Edwards, didn't you have a napkin?" " Why didn't you tell me?" " Napkins are for compliments." "Now, Scotty, you'll tell us just what the President said when you went to Washington." "Charlie and I saw it in a movie." "I mean, you lay the wreath on the unknown soldiers' grave." "I didn't know you were a writer." "We were sure surprised when those articles you wrote" " started coming in the papers." " A man named Sutter wrote them." " But you got paid for it." " Yeah." "Have you heard the wonderful song they wrote about you." "It's called "Scotty Boy."" "And it goes something like this." "* Scotty boy, America's pride Scotty boy *" "Yes, Mrs. Simmick, I-I've heard it." "Weren't you proud?" "We were delighted when we heard it." " We felt so happy over it." " There you are, darling." "No, thanks, Moms." "I'm not hungry." "Not hungry?" "You hardly ate any supper at all tonight." " I'm getting worried about you." " I'm alright, Moms." "Really I'm." "He's tired and nervous." "I don't know what to do." "He hardly slept a wink last night." "I've got a wonderful tonic Dr. Dover prescribed for me when I had sciatica." "(Moms) 'I heard him pitching and tossing about' 'walking the floor all night.'" "Can't we play cards or something?" "I'm gonna fix a nice glass of warm milk for you." "I don't want any milk." "Really." "Yes, it'll soothe you, make you sleep tonight." "Yes, sir, that's just what you need." "A nice glass of warm milk." "Scotty, how does it feel to be a hero?" " 'Heard you had an offer?" "'" " Yes." "My cousin Nelly knew a man whose brother-in-law was on the stage." "It's so... wonderful." "[Scott snaps finger]" "I wonder, if you'd excuse me, I-I've to send a telegram to.." "To Hoover." "He's going to wire the President!" "[sighs]" " Hello, Commander." " Hello." "Hi." " Hello, Scotty." " How are you?" "Going to be in town long, Scotty?" "I guess so." "I don't know yet." "What're they gonna do with that old sub?" " I don't know." " How about a picture for me?" " One for me too." " Just autograph it to Jones." " Leslie Hills for me." " And mine signed as Jack." "Jack." "Hey, send one to my sister too, will ya?" "[car approaching]" "'Hello, Janet.'" "Hello, Scotty." "[sighs]" " Anything wrong?" " No." "It's just that party at my house." "The neighbors and their chatter." "Little more of it, and I'd be foaming at the mouth." "Am I lucky I had to work and couldn't come?" "'Plenty.'" "I'd ask you in, but I'm not dolled up for company." "[chuckles] Ah, I'm not company." "I'm just a poor guy looking for peace and quiet." "Well, come on in." "But just for a minute." "It's almost 12 o'clock and this is a highly respectable neighborhood." " Oh, I've heard differently." " Shh." " Where's mother and father?" " Shh, upstairs, asleep." "Good." "[exhales]" "Oh!" "Gosh, this is wonderful." "So sane and quiet." "Poor boy." "Remember, when we were in high school how you used to sneak here whenever you'd a spat with your mother?" "Yeah." "Oh, Moms is a grand person." "Only, she loves me so much that.." "Sometimes she can make us both miserable." "Oh, she's sweet." "Remember, how excited she used to get when you played football?" " Come on, over here." " No." " Why not?" " Oh, lots of reasons." "'Who don't you trust?" "'" "Myself, maybe." "You can't forget the time you came to Indianapolis to see me graduate, can you?" "We're a couple of fools, Scotty." "We almost spoiled a very wonderful friendship." "Hmm, I don't know." "Young man, I'm a hardworking girl who has to get up early in the morning." " You better go home." " I'll go in a minute." "And this is the first time I've really been contented in weeks." "Hmm." "Look out, you make me feel maternal." "Go ahead." "When are you going back to New York, dear?" "Don't bother me, I'm asleep." "[ambient music]" "[music continues]" " Scotty." " Hm?" " Scotty, will you wake up?" " Hm?" "The greatest mother in the world has a cramp in both legs." " Have I been asleep?" " You ungrateful oaf!" " Were you asleep?" " Hm." "And here, I've suffered tortures for over two hours." "So as not to wake you." "Oh, dear, that's terrible." "I'm ashamed of myself." "The only excuse is I haven't slept a wink last two nights." "No, I understand, dear." "I'm just kidding." "But it's after three o'clock, and you better shove off." "Oh, shucks, say I have." "You gotta get up in the morning and I'm just..." "Shh." "If dad wakes up, he'll have a fit." "And we'll have a shotgun wedding." "Goodnight." "[ambient music]" "Get out of here, while my family's still deluded and thinking I'm a nice girl." "Oh, revenge, huh?" "[both laughing]" "Commander, can I speak to you a minute?" " Well.." " I'm from The Shadow." " Oh, the tabloid, huh?" " Yeah, the tabloid." "All the news that's unfit to print." " Oh, you're up late, kid." " So are you, Commander." "Say, what the.." "What do you want here?" "My paper'd like to be the first to announce your engagement to Ms. Porter." " Go ahead and announce it." " Much obliged, Commander." "Scott!" "'Scott, come here.'" "You had no right to say we were engaged." "Darling, don't you see we're in a bad jam?" "It's my fault to sleep like that." "After all, it's after three o'clock in the morning." "And you were being chivalrous." "I don't thank you for that." " I detest it!" " Honey, listen." "Suppose, it is three o'clock or six we were both perfectly innocent." "I could simply tell mother and dad the truth." "And if they don't believe me, they needn't." " You're not being reasonable." " No?" "I suppose I should rejoice at this shotgun engagement." "Swallow my pride and be happy that you bothered to patronize me and protect my reputation." "Well, I can take care of myself without any help from you." "Janet, listen." "Darling, I'm not patronizing or just being chivalrous." "You know I love you." "W-why didn't you say so?" "Why didn't you ask me to marry you before you were cornered into it." "[sobbing]" "Janet, please." " Darling.." " Oh, don't." "Janet, please stop crying." "You know I love you." "I've loved you ever since we were kids." "I've never asked you to marry me in so many words, because.." "I sort of took it for granted that you knew how I felt." "I thought we both knew we were going to be married and soon." "Why, I'd have felt silly, sort of.." "Sort of embarrassed makin' a formal proposal because.." "Well, I didn't think there was any need of it." "[blowing]" "Now.." "If you'll have me." "I want to marry you more than anything in the world." "Attagirl!" "[instrumental music] [church bell ringing]" "[music continues]" "They say that if a tree falls in a forest and there's no one there to hear it, it doesn't make any noise." "That's the way I feel about you." "How do you mean, darling?" "Well, I mean that if you weren't here.." "All this, all this wouldn't exist." "[laughing]" "Doesn't make much sense, does it?" "No." "But it sounds awfully sweet." " Scotty." " Hmm?" "Let's work at being married." " Not just let it happen." " Alright." "It's the nicest job I've ever had." "No, I'm serious." "Honeymooning, playing like this is easy enough." "But we're going home soon." "You're going to work." "We'll have our own apartment." "I hoped to tell you." "Well, I mean, being together all the time now is new and exciting." "But we'll soon be over the first surprise." "I doubt it." "Oh, it's inevitable." "We're bound to get used to each other." "Well, what of it, dear?" "Well, that can be just as beautiful as this." "If we're intelligent about it." "If not we'll be like the married people that sit in restaurants like lumps of lead with nothing to say to each other." "Fair damsel, I swear beyond the moon above that I'll always adore thee." "That I'll always have plenty to say to thee." "That I'll never sit in a restaurant like a lump of lead." "Now will you quit worrying about us?" "[Janet laughing]" "You're a first class, a number one nut." " Well, stop that." " No." " Alright you wanna fight." " Stop it, you.." "[both laughing]" " Say.." " Never." "[laughing continues]" " I surrender." " You do, huh?" "Learned your lesson?" "Will you tickle me again?" " No." " Alright." " Not until next time." " Oh, is that so?" "Stop it.." "Ha ha." "You'll double cross me, will you?" "Stop it!" "Will you ever double cross me again?" "See, I'm a tough guy to deal with." " [indistinct]" " Certainly." "That's what honeymoons are for." "I'll bet even Dr. Tuck's clock thinks we're sinful." "[laughing] [clock ticking]" " Isn't that cute?" " Yes." "Just like Dr. Tuck too." "Sort of quaint and kind and New Englandish." "Exactly the kind of present a sweet soul like him would give." "Hmm." " Our first piece of furniture." " Mm-hmm." "We'll have to furnish the rest of our apartment around it." "[Scott laughing]" "The nucleus of our home, Dr. Cluck's tock." "[Janet laughing]" "Dr. Cluck's tock." "Do you deny now that you're daffy?" "I never denied it." "But you do like me a little bit, don't you?" "Oh, 'bout a nickel's worth." "Is that all?" "Don't rush a lady." "[soft music]" "Oh, Scotty." "(Scotty) 'Yes, darling.'" "Don't forget to wind Dr. Cluck's tock." "[car engine revving]" "[revving continues]" "[instrumental music]" "Well, Scotty, uh, uh... did you have a pleasant honeymoon?" "It was, uh.." "I guess so." "Well, now you're back, I suppose you're anxious to go to work." "I guess I am." "What're your plans?" "Well, I'm going to, um.." "You said I can work for your company." "That's right." "The S.J. Boynton Gyroscope Company." "Welcome home and welcome into the firm." "[audience laughing]" "Why din't you shake hands with him?" "Oh, uh, Mr. Boynton... thanks." "I feel like a horse's neck." "Let's get outta here." "But we haven't seen the feature." " Oh, come on." " Don't be so self-conscious." "I don't care." "There's Scotty now." "[indistinct chattering]" "[sighs]" "[knocking]" "(Scotty) 'Come on in.'" "Well, my boy, how're you doing now?" "(Scotty) 'Swell." "Only I have nothing to do'." "I sit around all day in this swell office... dandy office." "Title, secretary." "Nice salary, all the trimmings, but... no work." "[Boynton laughing]" "Don't you be impatient." "You've only been here a month." "We're giving you a little time to get adjusted." "I'll never get adjusted sitting around, trying to stay awake." "[Boynton laughing]" "Nobody told you to sit around here." "Our executives don't have to keep office hours." "Run away and play." "We'll call you when we need you." "Listen, why did you hire me?" "Why do you pay me 80,000 a year?" "You're a very valuable member of this organization." "Yeah." "I've got some big customers for you to impress tomorrow." "Do me a favor and go home, will you?" " No, I don't wanna..." " Come on, run along." "See you early tomorrow morning." " Alright." " Uh, about noon." " So long." " Fine." "Thank you very much, Mrs. McClenahan." "Oh, not at all." " Good evening." " Good evening." " Good evening." " Good evening." " Hiya, commander." " Hello." " Good evening, sir." " Hello." " 'Hello, honey.'" " Hello, Janet." "Who are those fellows?" "What sort of a day did my captain of industry have?" "Yeah, you didn't answer my question." "What were those photographers doing here?" "Oh, oh." "Papa's got a grouch." "Come on." "I've got just the medicine for you." "Good, I'll need it." "This root punch is stupendous." "I've put everything in it but my bath salts." "[chuckles]" " Toodle-do!" " Hey, hey." "Are you sure you didn't put the bath salts in here?" "[Janet laughing]" "Ah." "[clicking tongue]" "Homelife of the tired businessman." " Isn't this scrumptious?" " Mmm." " You know?" " Huh?" "I have a sudden urge to be kissed." "Mmm." "I've to take that up with the board of directors." "Oh-h." "[mimicking Janet] Oh-h." "[phone ringing]" "Now what pest?" "Ada'll get rid of 'em." "[ringing continues]" "Hello?" "I'll see if he's in." "Mr. Chapin calling'." "Scotty?" "The Brazilian fliers reach Roosevelt field at nine tonight and you've gotta go out there and welcome them." "Why do I have to welcome them?" "I know nothing about flying." "I couldn't even find Brazil on the map." "Oh, I can't help that, old man." "Well, this is a big thing!" "You'd insult many influential people by not showing up." "Oh, for heaven's sakes." "I never get to see you anymore." "Can't they let you alone for just one evening?" "Alright, I'll pick you up at about eight thirty." " Oh, isn't that a shame." " Stinkin' operation." "It's worse than slavery." "It comes in night and day letters, telegrams, reporters." "Can't even call your soul your own." "Banquets for this, luncheons for that." "Receptions for something else." "I wish to Pete I had never.." "Welcome Brazilian fliers." "Stand out there on an ice-cold field grinning like a Cheshire cat while a lot of photographers.." "Speaking of photographers, you haven't yet told me what these fellows were doing here." "Well, they just came to take some pictures." "I didn't think they came to move the piano." " Were they from a paper?" " Yes." " Which one?" " The Express." "Dear, don't you think you've had plenty?" "Who'd they photograph, you or Ada?" "Your wit is brilliant, darling." "They came to take some photographs." " What are they?" " You think that's alright, huh?" "Of course not, but I don't see any reason to get all boiled up." "Well, I do." "It makes me mad to have my home spread over the tabloids for the edification and amusement of many yaps." "Good grief, aren't we to have any privacy?" "What are we, human beings or goldfish living in a bowl?" " Scotty, will you stop yelling?" " I'm not yelling!" "What'd you let these men in here for?" "Because Mr. Chapin asked me to." " That's no reason." " The best reason in the world." "He's your manager and he handles all your publicity." "Naturally, when he called up and said..." "What the.." " Why didn't you ask me?" " Certainly because, because I.." "[crying]" "Janet, will you please be reasonable?" "I didn't mean to bawl you out." "[rattling doorknob]" "Janet?" "Janet, honey, open the door." "[knocking]" "Darling, please open the door." "I'm sorry." "I apologize." "I didn't do anything, but I apologize." "Janet?" "[dialing]" "Hello?" "I want to speak to Mr. Chapin." "McClenahan!" "Hello, Chapin?" "Listen here, you can take your Brazilian fliers and you know what you can do with them." "I'm staying home tonight." "Yeah, I'll tell you why, you big lug." "'Cause you almost broke up my home and I'm staying here to patch it up, see." "Yeah." "Oh, gee!" "[doorbell buzzing]" "Don't answer it, honey." "[buzzing continues]" "[buzzing continues]" " Do you love me?" " You know I do." "[chuckling] [buzzing continues]" "Shall I answer that bell?" " Oh, what y'all want here?" " Is Mr. McClenahan at home?" "I don't think he lives here no more." "I'm a reporter." "I know he don't live here no more." " I'll take care of him, Ada." " Pushin' into houses like that." "He just ain't got no manners." " I'm from The Star, commander." " Oh, is that so?" "My paper wants your views about the Brazilian fliers." "Oh, it does, eh?" "Well, look, you tell your paper that I don't know or care anything about Brazil." "Huh?" "You see, I got sick once eating Brazil nuts." "And since then I can't stand anything that comes from Brazil." "Are you joking?" "No, no." "I'm walking a tight rope on roller skates." "But you're gonna welcome the fliers at Roosevelt field tonight, aren't you?" "Oh, sure, of course." "I'm dressing my grandmother up in pink tights and taking her along with me... piggyback." "But I gotta get a story for my paper.." "[door bangs shut]" "[sighs]" "This is really serious." "Of course, I've already wired apologies to the Brazilian ambassador, the Brazilian fliers the state department, the mayor and the governor." "Signed with Scott's name." "Look, don't you think this is all a tempest in a teapot?" "Oh, Scotty, please." "What if I did get a little cockeyed and excited and make some insane remarks to some reporters." "What possible harm can there be in..." "The Brazilian Navy, merchant ships, aeroplanes all use gyroscopes." "'Either they buy them from my firm now' 'or they're potential customers.'" "Gee, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry too." "Your, your pathetic attempt at humor is liable to cost this firm 500,000 dollars." "'It means a loss of our... '" "Oh, wait a minute." "Wait a minute, S.J. I've got it." "We can undo this thing." "Sav everybody that he's offended." "'And win back all the goodwill that he's lost.'" "How?" "The Brazilian fliers land tonight in Los Angeles for a big banquet." "Scotty hops into a plane, attends the banquet." "'Makes a flowery speech about, uh, brotherly love.'" "'And the importance of aviation.'" "And his great esteem for Brazil." " And all that sort of muck." " 'Great!" "Marvelous!" "'" "Now, of course, Sutter will go along with him." "And he'll write him a speech of welcome that'll have them crying into their coffee." "Joe, you're a genius." "Well, yes and no." "Come on, kid." "Toss some duds into a suitcase and let's get started." " We've gotta move." " Why do I have to do..." "Honey, be a good boy." "Do what they say." " Won't you, please." " Well, alright." "Hurry up." "Make it snappy." "We've only got a few minutes to catch that plane." "[indistinct chattering]" "We've only got a few minutes." "I'll tell you what I'll do." "I'll help you." "Now let me see here." "Oh, ties." "Take plenty of ties." "That's a nice red one." "Now let's see about the shirts." "That's... oh, there's... no.." "You should always have many shirts 'cause you never know when you'll be invited someplace..." "There's not many things I can do for myself but this is gonna be one of them." " Make it snappy, will you?" " Yes, I will." "Stupid, idiotic, wild goose chases..." " Honey, where are your pajamas?" " Oh, I'll get 'em." " There aren't any socks either." " 'I'll get those too.'" "'There they are." "Brazilian fliers!" "'" "Fly to California for a banquet." "I'll tell them I'll take their job and there's nothing they..." "Honey, what about the studs for your dress shirts?" "For Pete's sake!" "I'll get 'em." "Come on, Scotty." "Hurry up, will you?" "(Janet) 'We're all ready.'" "Good." "Let's get down to your car." "If we miss that plane we're sunk." "[indistinct chattering]" "Now let me carry your bag." " The bag." " It's alright." " Write to me every day." " You bet." "If we miss that plane we're sunk." " Alright!" " How long is he gone?" "A week at the most." "Hurry up." "Goodbye, sweetheart." " Come on!" " Goodbye, honey." "Be sure to gargle if you start to get a sore throat." "Phone me at the office this afternoon." " Very important." " Yeah." "Goodbye, Scotty." "Phew!" "(Ada) 'What's the matter, honey?" "Somebody dead?" "'" "Mr. McClenahan gets home this morning." "In time for breakfast." "Make corn muffin, crisp bacon and scrambled egg." "And make the coffee the way he likes it." "Nice and strong." "And, Ada.." "Use the new dishes and the new yellow tablecloth." "'Hustle along, Ada.' [laughing]" "I never saw a woman so excited just 'cause her own husband's coming home." "[indistinct chattering]" "Hey, give me the biggest and the best box of candy you got." " Five dollars." " Thank you." " Hello, Scotty." " Hello." "[cash register dinging]" "(male #1) 'Hello, Scotty.'" "(Scotty) 'Hello.' [chattering continues]" "You got a Chapin's magazine?" "[cash register dinging]" "You got change coming, sir." "You think I'm silly to be so in love with my husband?" "Well, Miss Janet, my sister was crazy about her husband." "He's a Pullman porter." "And she found out that he had another wife and family in St. Louis." "Well, I guess I'll be alright." "I don't think Scott's ever been to St. Louis." "Yes." "[Ada laughing]" "[paper rustling]" "[doorknob rattling]" "Gosh, honey, I'm glad to see you." "What is it, darling?" "Why did you write that, that thing about me?" "Why did I what?" "That drooling, mushy, slopping Chapin's magazine." "I won't be able to show my face in public." "People will throw eggs at me and I don't blame 'em." "Oh, gee, darling." "This is disgusting." " I don't see how anyone can..." " Neither do I." "And you of all people." "Good grief, Janet, can't I trust anybody?" "Not even my own wife?" "Scotty, I didn't write this article." "Well, whose name is that on it, Napoleon's?" "Well, I'll tell you the truth." "I did give Chapin a couple of pages of, well, intimate details about your likes and dislikes..." "Well, what the.." "Why did you do a stupid thing like that?" "Because he asked me to." "He said that an article about you in his magazine would help your career." "Does it help a man's career when his wife makes an ass of him?" "To have her name to an article that pictures him as a moron?" "Chapin promised me faithfully that my name wouldn't appear in connection with this." "Well, I mean that..." "Oh, so you and Chapin have been conniving behind my back." "No, Scotty." "You'd give him all the details and not tell me till afterwards." "Is that it?" "Well, isn't it?" "Oh, listen, sweetheart." "[piano music]" "I did it because I love you." "Because I honestly thought it'd help your career." " And Chapin was so..." " Chapin!" "Chapin!" "Chapin!" "If he told you to poison me, you'd do it, huh?" "You don't care what you say to me." "I gave you credit for having a little common sense." "We can't all be as brilliant as you." "Where are you going?" "To see Chapin and knock the living daylights out of him." "Scott!" "You're just fixing to get yourself into a rotten mess." "Make a Roman holiday for the newspapers." " Leave me alone!" " Will you be sensible?" "I don't care." "This is something he's not getting away with." "I don't give a hang what you do." "I'm so sick and tired of this rotten bickering and quarreling." "The only logical thing for me is to go away and let you cool off." " No, you won't." " I'll go if I want to." "And have every newspaper screaming that we busted up?" "The way things are going around here that isn't such a bad idea." "[slamming]" "[door slams shut]" "Mmm mm." "[indistinct chattering]" "Alright, goodbye." "There's the man." "Hello, Scotty." "How are you?" "How do you do, sir?" "Something for you, sir?" "Yes, gimme a couple of dozen roses." "Something nice." " How about those roses?" " That'll be fine." "Janet?" "Janet honey?" "Janet?" "Ain't no use you standing there yelling for her." "She's done packed and left." " Are you kidding?" " Do I look like I'm kiddin'?" "Where'd she go?" "What'd she say?" "She done told me to tell you she packed and left so I done told you." "And if you want your breakfast it's in the kitchen." "'Cause I'm leavin' too." "[slow-paced music]" "[music continues] [clock ticking]" "[music continues]" "But we've got to get a hold of him right away." "I know." "After he phoned you, he never showed up at your place?" " No!" " Wait a minute." "Have you located Mr. McClenahan yet?" "No, I called several times." "No one answers." "Alright, keep on trying." "There you are." "Good morning, sir." "Welcome back to the office." "Thanks." "Mr. Boynton wants to see you immediately." "Hello, Scotty!" "Well, how is the conquering hero?" "I ought to punch you right in the nose." "Gentlemen, gentlemen!" "This is no time for personal animosity." "We're in a serious predicament." " Well, what have I done now?" " Oh, nothing." "I mean, this Ole Olafson business." "I suppose I ought to know what you're talking about but I don't." "Ole Olafson." "The third mate of the daily's Stram Steamer." " Don't you read the papers?" " Only the sports section." "Ole Olafson jumped overboard during a storm at sea and rescued the ship's dog from drowning." "The papers are playing it up and his popularity is increasing by leaps and bounds." "The dog angle caught the public fancy." "Ole's boat docks this morning." "He'll be welcomed by the mayor on the steps of the city hall." "And they're giving him a triumphal parade and all the trimmings." "[scoffing] Poor guy." "(Chapin) 'Oh, no." "Oh, no." "You're the poor guy.'" "'That big dumb squarehead has just pushed you off' 'of the front page.'" "(Boynton) 'And we've just heard that the Atlas Gyroscope Company' 'one of our most serious competitors' is fixing to take Olafson into the firm as Vice President." "My heart bleeds for him." " Oh, Scott." " Man, this is no joke." "Why, with his name and his prestige the Atlas Company's liable to take away a lot of our business." "Now, Scotty, listen, don't you realize that Ole is the ideal national hero?" "He's big, handsome, dumb, got a nice smile." "And he doesn't speak enough English to antagonize anybody." "And there's the dog angle." "You didn't have that." " I'll get a dog if you want..." " Oh, now wait a minute." "Your problem and our problem is to get you on the front page." "Back in the public eye quick." "Scotty, you got to do something so sensational that the people will forget all about Ole Olafson." "How about a good trunk murder?" "(Boynton) 'No, that's the wrong kind of publicity.'" "(Chapin) 'S.J. and I have got just the thing' 'if you'll stop wisecracking and cooperate with us.'" "Well?" "You head a scientific expedition up the Amazon river." "And we equip the submarine with Boynton gyroscopes." " Submarine?" " Well, naturally." "The thing that you're identified with in the public fancy." "Why, of course." "It's perfect." "Now, look, we can buy the S89 from the government for apples." "Make a few repairs, put you in command of the expedition and, boy, we've got the world's greatest setup for publicity." "What do you think of it, Scotty?" "Well, words fail me." "But, Scotty, look.." "[band music]" "[music continues] [indistinct shouting]" "Well, what do you think of that?" "The big squarehead." "[music continues]" "There, you see?" "Now do you believe it's serious?" "If we don't act immediately, Ole and the Atlas people will push the ground right out from under our feet." "Scotty, will you go on this expedition?" "Gentlemen, don't you see how stupid it all is?" "I'm not a scientist." "I don't know a flora from a... from a fauna." "And what can you see from a submarine?" "Water." "Just water." "We know that, but the chump public won't stop to think about anything, but the hero of the S89 going down a mysterious romantic South American river in a submarine." "'Why, the moving picture rights alone will be worth a fortune.'" " I have a better idea." " 'What?" "'" "I was an All-American end." "Why can't I play football through the jungle?" "Why, that's insane!" "No more than your scientific expedition on the S89 after you've got it all patched up with spit and glue." "McClenahan, I don't like your spirit at all." "You've done nothing, but laugh at us and kid every suggestion that we make." "Alright, I'll stop kidding." "Here's a very serious remark." "I'm positive that the S89 is so badly damaged that it can never be made seaworthy again." "The first time it submerges it'll stay there." "That your whole expedition and every lunatic on it will remain at the bottom of the ocean." " 'That's not true!" "' - 'Ridiculous!" "'" "Alright, gentlemen, you asked me for my opinion." "I gave it." "[band music]" "McClenahan?" "No more arguments." "Either you head our expedition or you leave this firm immediately." "Alright." "If you do, you and I are all washed up." "That's swell!" "You're gonna take your firm and your stupid expedition and your movie rights and newspaper articles and radio speeches and do anything you please with them!" "I felt for a long time that I was underpaid." " 'Underpaid?" "Why you... '" " Yes, yes, I know." "I get 80,000 dollars a year from you." "Two years ago I was broke." "Then I had an accident." "I was hardly conscious before you were around me like a flock of buzzards trying to cash in on it." "You've even taken my wife away from me with your filthy ballyhoo." "You've taken away every single blessed thing I care about." "My privacy, my self-respect, my life." "I've made faces." "I've made speeches." "I've shaken hands and drooled into microphones." "Being a hero to me has just meant wishing I was dead." "It's been a swell show, gentlemen." "We've had a long run and collected a lot of dough." "But the show's over." "Do you understand that?" "It's over!" "Finished!" "And I'm going home!" "[door slams shut]" " You think you can swing it?" " Well, I'll bust a lung trying." " Yes." " What's he saying?" "Shh." "Are you positive you'll do it for 100,000?" "Alright, it's a deal." "S.J., the Boynton gyroscope submarine expedition to the Amazon will be headed by Ole Olafson and his dog." "Joe, you're a genius." "[S.J. laughs]" "Well, if you're set on having a divorce" "I can't stop you." "The trouble with our marriage has been too much love and not enough real friendship." "Oh, bunk." "The reason for our squabbles has been all this stupid publicity and hero-worship business." "I don't want a divorce." "Unless I'm convinced that we can't make a go of marriage." "Scotty... will you try something for a while?" "Sure." "What?" "Try being pals again." "Like we were before we got married." "I'll live with my folks and you live with Moms." "We could see each other whenever we like." "Only no lovemaking." " You serious?" " Never more so in my life." "I've got to have time to find out if we really care for each other." "Or if it's, well, animal attraction." "Will you be a good sport and... humor me?" "I don't see any sense to it." "But I'm so goofy about you" "I'll stand on my head if it'll make you happy." "Is it a bond?" "Sure." "What a sap a guy is to fall in love." "[laughing]" "Oh!" "No winding Dr. Cluck's tock?" "Not even a little bit?" "No, darling." "Not for a while." "[peppy music]" "Janet, you've got to make up your mind." "I can't stand anymore of this." "Either you are my wife or you're not." "You promised to let me decide that, didn't you, Scotty?" "Thought you weren't gonna rush me or force me into a decision." "I suppose it flatters your vanity to keep me dangling like this, hmm?" "Oh, let's go home." " That's alright." " Thank you, sir." "Like to play some golf tomorrow?" "No, thanks." "Mother and dad are going out tomorrow night." "And I'll be all alone for dinner." "Too bad." "How about coming over?" "I don't think so, thanks." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Gee, you can be mean." "When you really put your mind to it." "Goodnight." "Goodnight." "Would you rather not see me for... a couple of days?" "That's for you to decide." "And... of course, I'm not gonna rush you or force you into a decision." "Goodnight." "[car door closing] [engine revving]" "[crying]" "(female #1) 'Is that you, Janet dear?" "'" "Yes." "'Did you have a good time?" "'" "Wonderful." "[crying continues]" "[phone ringing]" "[ringing continues]" "[ringing continues]" "Scotty, this is Janet." "Yes, darling..." "I mean, Janet." "It's such a lovely night." "I thought we-we might drive home to New York." "I think tomorrow would be a grand day to.." "T-t-to wind Dr. Cluck's tock." "[train engine chugging] [bell dinging] [engine revving] [engine sputtering] [ringing continues] [train whistle blowing]" " What's wrong with that idiot?" " Hope he knows what he's doing." "[train whistle blowing] [engine sputtering] [dinging] [train engine chugging]" "Why doesn't he go?" "[chugging continues] [screaming] [engine revving] [ringing continues] [tires screeching]" "You saved our lives!" "We'll never forget what you've done for us." " You're a real hero." " 'I should say so.'" "Hide your face, honey." "We're getting out of here." "[engine revving] [indistinct chattering]" "Goodbye, buddy." "We'll never forget you for this." "(female #2) 'There goes a real hero.' [instrumental music]"