"( movie projector whirrs )" "HENRY:" "Why are we here again?" "RUDY:" "Inspiration." "HENRY: ( sighs ) Seriously, why are we here?" "RUDY:" "Clears my head." "HENRY:" "We're writing a children's book." "RUDY:" "Shh!" "It's starting." "HENRY: "The Sailor"?" "RUDY:" "Knock it off." "HENRY:" "Do you think that's the sailor?" "RUDY:" "Shh." "HENRY:" "Wait, I'm-- I'm trying to follow it." "Come on, beat it, sister." "I ain't got no time for no hookers." "I should be insulted." "I'm not a hooker." "( Rudy laughs )" "RUDY:" "Hey!" "Can I take your coat, Captain?" "Look, baby, I ain't no captain." "I'm an able-bodied seaman." "Able-bodied." "You dig?" " HENRY:" "Oh, my God." " Got it." "Today we'll find out just how able-bodied you really are." "HENRY:" "What is happening?" "RUDY:" "Shut up." "You're wrecking it." "HENRY:" "That's impossible." "Take off your clothes." "Kinda remind me of a woman who I met in my last port of call..." "Hong Kong." "Boy, did she have the prettiest cu" "( film skips )" "Come on!" "Jesus!" "HENRY:" "You could still get a girl like that." "You think so?" "Mmm." "Ooh." "Oh, goddamn it, Henry!" "You're not even watching the goddamn movie." "I think we've seen this one before." "Henry, will you come and sit here like a normal person?" "It's defeatist, what you're doing." "You're defeating the whole point of what we got going here." "MAN:" "Shut the fuck up, man!" "You shut up!" "Goddamn pervert." "( sighs )" "I don't understand why you think this would help." "Just watch the movie." "Do it to me." "Mmm." "Oh, do I need a close-up of that." " Ugh." " Oh, yeah." "Oh." "Oh, good Lord." "Oh." "Mmm." "Touch my beaver." "Ooh." "Ah." "Let's go." "Let's go!" "A beaver." "It's a winner." "I mean, what kid doesn't like beavers?" "I got that thing that I get when I get a feeling about something." ""Muff the Beaver"?" "Nah." "Too on the nose." ""Marty the Beaver"?" ""Marty the Beaver."" "Hey." "HENRY:" "This guy is so not gonna go for this." "( door closes )" "Pessimist son of a bitch." "Mr. Planck will be with you in just one minute, gentlemen." "( sighs )" "Allison either wants me to move into the living room to sleep, or she wants to get engaged." "Yeah, well, that's the thing." "The reason people get together now is... because they think they're looking for similarly broken people." "We communicate nowadays through-- through damage." "But, fortunately for you, she's fake-damaged, and she's gonna leave you and have a better life with some dope like her who just pretends to be all fucked up." "Girls only like the really fucked-up guy for the first few months." "They prefer..." "you know, fake-broken." "Complicated, but like... talk-about-it-over-chardonnay complicated." "Ooh." "Life." "Don't start." "Life's fine." "( sighs )" "Life is nothing but the echo of joy disappearing into the great chasm of misery." "You've had better." "Life is nothing but the occasional burst of laughter rising above the interminable wail of grief." "That's my favorite." "It lives in truth, that's why." "HENRY:" "He's-- he's not necessarily a "bad" beaver." "RUDY:" "Nah." "HENRY:" "And he's not really a "good" beaver, either." "He's an edgy kind of beaver." "No, no." "More he's-- he's like a... a beaver with an edge." "All right, let's see." "HENRY:" "Show him." "All right, how's this?" "That's the actual beaver?" "Yeah, this is... this is Marty." "Mm-hmm?" "Beavers make dams." "Yes, l" " I'm aware." "I didn't know that." "Mm-hmm." "Yeah, there-- there's a thaw in-- in the snow, and it doesn't look as if the dam is gonna hold." "So, Marty, in a selfless effort to save the pond, breaks into every house in town." "Breaks in?" "No, he-- he gnaws in." "He-- he's a beaver." "All right, so, um-- so, he drags the trees back to the stream." "Meanwhile, the people from the town come up, and they-- they-- they're fixin' to make some beaver stew." "But, cooler heads prevail." "HENRY: ( whispering ) Someone stab me in the ear." "They plug the trees into the dam and call it a Christmas dam." "And, all Christmas day, the people from the town-- they make the biggest and the strongest dam that the beavers have ever seen." "It killed us to write that last part, but we... you know, need the money." "He's got three alimony payments, and I got a girlfriend we've decided I need to put in another apartment, but that's-- that's really more of a mental necessity than a physical one." "I have to get on the floor sometimes to feel safe." "Sometimes I put heavy objects on me when I feel anxious." "Gentlemen, thank you for your time." "Cocksucker." "And, I want it ready for a Christmas release." "I told you he would like it." "We're dealing with the best in the business on this one." "RUDY:" "You just have to move out." "ALLISON:" "I don't understand." "RUDY:" "We're tryin' to write a book here, and things can get pretty goddamn ugly." "Me, I like to" " I like to roam around a place, like middle-of-the-night type of thing." "Naked, even." "But I don't wanna feel self-conscious." "It could get real small in here pretty fast." "Great." "HENRY:" "Christmas..." "that's 1 5 weeks away." "You guys fucking rehearse this shit?" "Hi, baby." "Ugh!" "Will you take the fucking books off and stand up?" "I guess I could, but... um, I think I'd sort a feel kind of unsafe." "You're fucked." "( sighs )" "ALLISON:" "Fuck you too, Rudy." "( door slams )" "Sorry, man." "I'm feeling... just not..." "I understand." "I think I have bad chemicals in my head." "Oh, don't go blaming your brain again." "It's not his fault." "You think it is, and your brain believes you." "( pigeons coo )" "They only eat bread." "Nonsense." "Genoa salami, it's the best in the world-- they would've invented it if they could've." "That shit's gonna kill you." "Yeah, well, tell me when I'm dead." "Will do." "Who's this?" "Uh... red suit, fat ass, best friends are reindeer." "Bones Mrs. Claus." "And what's happening here?" "Uh..." "Santa's sleigh runs over Marty's tail," "Marty jumps up, bites him in the crotch, gives him the clap." "( laughs )" "Hey, you all right?" "Yeah." "This headache." "( sniffs )" "Let's get this book done." "No more jokes." "Yeah, sure, sure." "MAN:" "This is the final appearance for Henry Roth and Rudy Holt, best-selling authors of the must-have children's book," "Marty the Beaver." "Be sure and get your Christmas copy signed today." "I can't tell you how much she just loved your book." "Oh, great." "WOMAN:" "Her name's Cassidy." "Have a nice life." "She's only been with us for six months." "( whispering ) She's adopted." "So, how are ya, sweetheart?" "I see you're a Knicks fan." "Yeah, you wanna buy her a drink, take her somewhere quiet?" "You ever been to a basketball game?" "You see, 'cause Marty the Beaver was just here, and he told me to give someone called, uh" "Cassidy-- some Knicks tickets." "He must have meant you." "Hey, dick, one of those was mine." "Don't be a piece of shit." "There we go." "Are these really from-- from Marty the Beaver?" "Absolutely, yes." "( Henry clears throat )" "If Marty the Beaver really existed, and if he really had tickets to the Knicks-Pacers game on Friday night, the only way he'd give 'em up is if he was too high to get to the game," "or his fat, lazy beaver ass couldn't fit in the seat." "Santa Claus doesn't exist." "Beaver can also mean vagina." " Oh!" " Okay!" "Cassidy!" "Uh-- uh-- enjoy the game." "Come here." "What the fuck is wrong with you?" "You just-- you just can't let your crap childhood be a pass to shit on everyone else." "Well, every other kid is gonna be crushed when they find out there's no Santa Claus." "She's now way ahead of the game, and as a bonus she now has another word for her pee-pee." "( giant monster roars on television)" "( telephone rings )" "Hello?" "It..." "looks great, man." "Well, it keeps me occupied." "Hey, you know, I've been talking to Planck about it... the book's on, uh, pre-order for about 1 00,000 copies." "Oh, that's great." "Yeah, it is." "It's great." "RUDY:" "I, uh..." "I, uh..." "I can't see outta my left eye." "Well, it's the treatment." "Huh." "I keep thinkin' about things, you know?" "." "How..." "I was thinking... if I close my good eye..." "I see this-- this bright light." "And, uh, l" " I know how it sounds, but it... it's actually very beautiful." "I, uh..." "I feel a little-- a little sick." "Could you just lower the bed a little bit, please?" "Oh, yeah." "Sure." "Yeah, that's good." "( sighs )" "You know, Henry..." "I wouldn't trade places with you for anything." "I don't wanna leave knowing that my only legacy is a miserable piece of shit like you." "Hey, come-- come on." "It's all right, don't" " I understand." "I'm completely lucid, asshole." "Maybe I... maybe I should've had some fuckin' kids." "I'd have been better than your mom." "It's shitty what she did to you." "You need to know that." "You want a pillow or somethin'?" "Finish the damn book, find yourself a nice girl." " A girl?" " Yeah." "Not a girl, a nice girl." "That's-- that's even worse." "Yeah, for her." "And don't sigh that stupid sigh of yours and say, "Life, you know what life is."" "Just stop doing that." "Don't do it, then, okay?" "Yeah, well, you know, you got a tumor in your head that's taking up more real estate than your brain, so..." "It's a joke." "Yeah, I know." "( chuckles )" "You'll be fine." "I know." "( sobbing silently )" "Henry." "Oh, God." "I'm not crying." "Not in front of you." "You were saying?" "I think it might be time to think about jumping back in." "Finding another illustrator." "Rudy wasn't just another illustrator." "Henry, we have to publish in a month." "It's a contractual..." "It's an upstairs thing, those bastards upstairs in Legal." "You know, I had a huge fight with them." "Henry, you know I have a house at the beach in Sag Harbor." "Don't be an asshole." "And you just stay there as long as you like, and relax, and make it a part of your grieving." "Henry?" "( elevator dings )" "( sighs )" "Shit." "Keep working at it." "PLANCK:" "Hello." "Morning, Mr. Planck." "American kids can recognize this face before the President's." "You know, our illustrator Rudy Holt has passed away." "It's so awful." "The children will miss him the most." "Uh, wrong." "Shareholders will miss him the most, then me, then the children." " That's true." " Can we see, please?" "Thank you." "All right, not very good." "That one's really awful." "Really bad." "All right, hmm." "( mumbles ) Oh, crap." "Ooh, I'm sorry, I'm thinking out loud." "Gentlemen, success in this business is 99% perseverance and 1 % talent." "Congratulations." "You're 99% there." "Yeah, I'm not really good with math." " He wants us to go." " Okay." "I can rescue a company from bankruptcy..." "I can quote Chaucer and Proust, and I can make a terrific goose reduction." "Ask me to draw a frog." "You see, Miss Riley, there are things that you can do that I can't do, and vice versa." "This is Henry Roth's telephone number." "I'm sorry, Mr. Planck... what's...?" " What's that?" " Yeah." "Uh... that's a frog." "You see?" "( airplane roars )" "They only eat bread." "Nonsense." "Genoa salami, it's the best in the world-- they would've invented it if they could've." "That shit's gonna kill you." "Yeah, well, tell it to me when I'm dead." "I am." "What?" "I'm telling it to you when you're dead." "No, that's not what happened." "I said, "Tell it to me when I'm dead,"" "and you said, "Will do,"" "then you offered me a cigarette." "I'm improvising, okay?" "Roll with it." "All right." "Planck wants me to right another book." " Good." " I'm not gonna do it." "Got no choice, pal, my dying wish." "When you said that you were thinking with a tumor." "Screw you." "Fifteen fuckin' years I put up with your nasty bullshit." "Fuck it." "You think people wanna die?" "I had a great time being alive." "I fucking loved it." "I loved women." "I told a hooker once that I loved her, and goddamn it, I meant it." "And I loved you, but most of all, even more than you," "I loved being alive." "Now, you better find someone to be happy with, Henry, 'cause if you keep hanging around with you, you're gonna wanna kill yourself." "I wouldn't blame you!" "Fuck you, motherfucker!" "Asshole piece of shit!" "Fuck you!" "Out!" "Jesus, God, don't burst in on me like that." "You are in arrears." "You are no longer living in accordance with the lease." " You are breaking the law, Mother." " Out!" "A law, excuse me, that clearly indicates that a landlord" "I'm your mother!" "A landlord may not break the threshold of her property unless it's with a writ of consent from a tenant, accompanied by law enforcement or an official from the Department of Housing!" "( mutters )" "Oh, God." "Oh, my God." "Are you gay?" "( sighs ) No, Mom." "If you are, just tell me." "You know, l-- I just found a dildo." "It's a vibrator, Mom." "I'm still trying to figure out why was the poor thing frozen?" "It wasn't frozen, it was hidden." "Don't avoid the gay question." "Okay, tea." "Do you want some tea?" "Yeah." "Why haven't you called him?" "He looked at my sketchbook and told me to keep working at it." "Well, have you kept working at it?" "Yeah, of course." "A lot." "Look." "Oh, that's awful, honey." "I hate cartoons." "They're absolutely sinister." "Please." "I can't stand them." "Thank you, Mom." "I'm so sorry, dear." "It's okay." "I'm sorry, it's just..." "Here, let me give you some money." "No, no, no, no, no." "No, no, put your checkbook away." "Stop." "Please just forgive me for what I just said." "All right?" "Will you do that?" " Will you forgive me?" " Yeah." "Thank you." "I don't know what I'm doing." "So, this is gonna take you to the middle of the month, and a little bit beyond it." "Thank you." "( sighs )" "This is the last time, though, honestly." "If this doesn't work out and I can't pay rent next month, then I'm gonna apply to a few law schools." "You know what?" "You're absolutely right." "I have to start shattering this dream, not supporting it." "It is more practical." "I'm giving you until the 20th, and them I'm gonna send in the movers, and I'm gonna change the lock." "Okay." "( telephone rings )" "( ring )" "( ring )" " Hello?" " ( bell dings )" "Planck's a sociopath." "He's a cross-dresser." "He's a hermaphrodite." "The guy's a eunuch." "He's a vegetarian for health reasons, not ethical ones." "You can't trust anything the guy says." " There are less..." " Fuck!" "...patronizing ways of saying I'm not good enough to work with you." "I never said you weren't good enough." "Yeah, you did, actually." "You told me to keep working at it." "Oh, well, if I did say that," "I didn't mean with me." "I'm so sorry about your partner." "Was he a really good friend?" "No, he was just a dick who drew well." "I understand that people like Rudy are irreplaceable, because I've had people like that in my own life, but, Henry, honestly, illustrating for me is just a job." "It doesn't have to be anything more than that." "I'm not looking for friends, especially bad ones." "So..." "Lucy, how'd you get into the business?" "Thank you." "So?" "Um, I was going for my PhD in English literature, but I had this big breakup, falling out with my thesis advisor-- boyfriend." "So then I went to art school for a little bit, and that was a long blah story, and I ended up leaving because I had to find a job." "So I picked children's books because it was the furthest thing from literature I could think of." "Oh, I see." "Interesting." "Hi, what can I get you guys?" "Nothing, go ahead." "Um, I'll just have a Caesar salad and a side of mashed potatoes." "Thanks." "Bulimia?" "No, hungry." "You sure?" "That stuff comes back up pretty easily." "Now that I'm in, you're really gonna have to try harder than that to knock me off my game." "You see our waitress over there?" "She wants to be an actress." "She's got that air of entitlement mixed with desperation." "She doesn't have the looks, though." "She doesn't even have the talent, but, like an old donkey, she's been at it so long, she's not fit to try to do anything else." "She lies to her mom." "She's embarrassed to tell her about losing the job for the big Palmolive commercial, but, fingers crossed, she's got an audition for Blockbuster Videos." "She had an abortion once." "She still cries about it sometimes, even though she saved that thing from an agonizing life of eating leftover mashed potatoes and watching its Mom lose jobs like Palmolive commercials." "She's got about three ovarian eggs left." "In addition to being less interesting and much less attractive... you're so much more pathetic than she is." "You're not in." "LUCY:" "I hate Henry Roth." "I don't think it's possible to work with him." "I think I'd be much happier back downstairs." "PLANCK:" "That is so unprofessional, Miss Riley." "I'm shocked." "You can call me by my first name." "Well, of course I can..." " Lisa." " Lucy." " Lizzie?" "Lucy." " Lucy." "Lucy, Henry Roth is the only reason you have a job." "$1 00,000 if you can get a book out of him by Christmas." "I think someone else would be much more appropriate for the job." "Wonderful." "So why don't you clear out your things." "I'll be only too glad to give you a reference." "Miss Riley?" "Lucy?" "A hundred and fifty thousand dollars." "Two hundred." "That is my final offer, and I would think very carefully before walking out that door." "I am prostituting myself." "Your methods are your own." "What can you take me for?" "I can fight it, but it's gonna get expensive." "There's no guarantee." " What's your name again?" " Jake." "Jake." "What can Planck take me for?" "That depends on what they can convince a judge a book's worth." "A million, maybe." "Maybe two million." "Shit." " ( screaming ) - ( screaming )" "Lucy, no!" "Get the fuck out of here!" " Who is he?" " What is wrong with you?" "Mom, I thought he was gonna rob me, or rape me..." "...or kill me or something!" " Gather yourself." "This is business." "Don't get hysterical." " But I live there!" " And I can't keep floating you." "( groans )" "Yours is the only apartment in this entire building that's still paying last year's rent." "Okay, I moved in four months ago." "A four-month ride that has to come to an end sometime." "I have to push you from the nest." "Oh, Mom, you are so insane." "Okay, okay, no more tears." "No more tears." "Okay, now, I would be happy to show you an apartment on First and A." "It is a walk-up, but it's half of whatever they're charging you here." "What you are charging me, Mom!" "Don't get personal!" "Oh, shit." "You could've called." "I'm..." "I'm sorry I didn't call." "( telephone ringing )" "You know, it's just... agonizing when you get these "We just moved to NewYork" people." "ANSWERING MACHINE:" "Hey, it's Lucy." "Leave me a message." "JEREMY:" "Lucy, it's Jeremy." "Um, I'm in New York, and..." "I'm in your neighborhood." "And it's been a year, it would seem, which is hard to believe." "Um..." "Lucy, look, I've been... thinking about things, and I'm... sort of wondering if you've been thinking about things too." "I mean, I would completely understand if you never want to see me again, of course I would, but... ( clears throat )" "I was hoping that we could maybe meet up." "So, I hope this finds you well." "Love to your mum." "Hello, Carol, if you're there." "Um, so, yeah, call me when you can." "Okay, thanks." "Bye." "( answering machine beeps )" "No." "Oh, honey." "What men do when they treat you like shit is they feel bad." "Call it asshole's remorse." "You just watch." "He's gonna make some meaningless act of contrition, one which you should really consider accepting." "What's this?" "I remembered you liked flowers." "Spring bouquet." "Don't ask me why, but I've always been partial to flowers." "You want to send me a Valentine's gift, you can take your box of chocolates and stick it up your ass." "I like flowers." "Nice girl, huh?" "I might work with her." "It's... uh..." "I just wanted to apologize, to" "She's lovely." "Like an antelope in a junkyard." "I didn't..." "I didn't notice." "( toilet flushes )" "Notice?" "Give the flowers to one of the neighbors." "Okay, we're declaring a truce." "Said truce shall be in effect for exactly three weeks and four days, at the end of which time you will deliver to me a completed book, the topic of which will be a Christmas story featuring Marty the Beaver." "This will avert legal action against Mr. Henry Roth, and entitle Ms. Lucy Riley to a bonus of" "Of $5,000." "( Henry laughs )" "Uh, wow, you really hit the big time there, Lucy." "I'll be checking in on your progress." "What if we don't make any?" "I may be forced to hire another collaborator." "HENRY:" "Cancel all shrink appointments, haircuts, highlightings, frostings." "Tell your boyfriend you're a dyke." "If you've got any pets, put 'em to sleep, 'cause the next three weeks we work." "I don't have a boyfriend." "Don't complain to me about it." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Can we just go ahead and get the apology out of the way now?" "." "Yeah, I don't really do great at those." "You were awful to someone you don't even know, to say nothing of me." "BOY:" "I wanna go to the bathroom." "WOMAN:" "Would you sit down under the table like this and shut the fuck up." "Okay, you're right, I admit it." " What?" " I was awful, I apologize." "No, no, no, no, no, no." "That's not how it works." "You can't apologize yet." "I'm just getting started." " Oh, Jesus." " ( indistinct arguing )" "Okay, hey, you know, whatever you want." "Look, I was wrong, you're right, you know?" "." "Who cares?" "I have to go to the bathroom!" "WOMAN:" "Are you crying?" "Sit down." "You like that?" "You want that to happen again?" "Stop it." "Are you a little girl, or are you a little boy?" "Just answer me that question." "Don't you..." "Shut up." "Shut up." "I guess I shouldn't expect anything from you." "WOMAN:" "Suck those tears in." "Suck them in right now." "I don't know why, but I am in a breakfasty kind of mood." "WOMAN:" "You just went to the bathroom." " BOY:" "I wanna go to the bathroom!" " Eggs." " Over easy." " ( hard slap )" "Oh, Jesus, I..." "If you go over there, she's just gonna take that kid home and beat the shit out of him because of you." "You want that?" "Hey, I didn't think of it that way." "You wanna go somewhere else?" "( low) No, I'm okay." "I do." "Get off." "Lacks a certain, um... woman's touch." "There's no woman's touch here." "The ones that did touch did so at their own peril." "Okay, uh, before we can, uh... work effectively with one another, I think we should be comfortable." "So, 1 0 minutes, okay?" "Then-- then work." "Okay?" "Go." "Okay, I'll start." "Uh, I hate my mother." "I hate my goddamn dead father more." "Rudy was the only friend I ever had." "I had a girlfriend once who I used to like to masturbate to more than have sex with." "Carrots and snakes frighten me." "Um..." "I'm superstitious about the number..." "I can only stir things counterclockwise, and I know that if I don't something bad will happen." "I take size 1 1 1/2 shoe." "I don't have a favorite book." "Oh..." "What's crucial?" "Oh, I don't drive or ride in cars." "Statistically speaking, you have a 1 00% chance of being in an accident in your lifetime." "They're death boxes." "I give to Amnesty international on the off chance" "I'm ever imprisoned and tortured for my political beliefs." "Paradoxically, I have no political beliefs." "Life is pain." "Black kids are cuter than white ones." "What's important?" "I didn't mean it when I compared you to our waitress." "I was only trying to hurt you." "I could've been meaner about your looks, and what I would have said would have made you cry." "I have a towel I can't throw out 'cause it may have feelings." "When I ejaculate, I go into deep depressions." "Though by any standard you're a nice person," "I deeply resent having to work with you." "I love..." "Japanese monster movies." "Gamera, specifically." "Gamera movies?" "¢Ü Gamera ¢Ü" "¢Ü Gamera ¢Ü" "Attention, everyone, take cover!" "Gamera is attacking!" "WOMAN:" "An earthquake!" "No, not an earthquake." "Gamera!" " He's coming, I tell you." " We're not going anywhere!" "I say we should stay here and dance!" "How about it?" " ( all cheer) - ¢Ü Gamera ¢Ü" "Are you sure you had a girlfriend once?" "Are you all insane?" "Hurry, get out of here!" "¢Ü Gamera ¢Ü" "¢Ü Gamera ¢Ü" "So I have an ex-boyfriend, ex-thesis advisor, Jeremy." "And we lived together for, like, three years." "Anyway, he took a sabbatical..." " ( television volume increases ) -...from his professorsh" "( TV powers off )" "You loved him, he left you, you're never gonna get over him..." "You thought he was complicated because he once got a blow job from a boy at boarding school." "Sex with you was tired, and now he's having a blast balling every woman in academia." "It's the gripe coming out of you and almost every other woman in the world." "One guy is not gonna take advantage." "Wow, I had no idea how prevalent blow jobs were in boys' schools." " Who are you calling?" " Arthur Planck's office, please." "Henry?" "Your bonus sickens me." "It's a fucking disgrace." "Oh, no, no." "No, don't do that." "Don't do that." "I'm okay." "I'm gonna give you some money myself." "( TV powers on )" "Rudy and I weren't in it for the money, either." "Just the chicks." "VOICE:" "Message one." "Hi, it's Jeremy." "Are you free tomorrow morning?" "No." "Let me know." "Okay." "Give us a call." "Bye." "VOICE:" "End of messages." "I finished my book." "It's coming out this Christmas." "Romanticism from Conception to Misconception." "My editors think it's gonna be this year's gift for the big intellectual snob in your life." "It's like, What To Get for the Man Who Knows Everything." "I'm very happy for you." "An enormous advance." "Fuck." "And I've... well, I thought what I should do" "What I wanted to do, was..." "To use it to start a life with someone, and, as you know, I'm very picky, so I thought, who better to start a life with" " Lucky girl." " Yeah." "I wanted to show you a copy of the book, a galley, but they're still revising things on it." "( clears throat )" "Do you know what the dedication is?" "No." "I know you don't, but guess." "I don't know." "Well, it's to you." "It says, "To Lucy." "My muse, my inspiration, my window into beauty."" "Wow." "I find it really funny that you had to run away from this muse to write the thing." "Were you with someone?" "( low) Fuck." "Yes, I was." "There was a girl." "Her name was Simone." "It lasted a few months." " And I'm really fucking sorry." " Okay, enough." "Lucy, if you ask me a question, I'm going to answer it, and I'm going to answer it honestly." "I tell you, ask me if I love you." "Why don't you ask me that?" " Are you an asshole?" " ( laughs )" "Now that-- yeah." "I don't answer rhetorical ones." "What are you doing Friday night?" "Working." "( clears throat )" "Sounds dull." "What about The Marriage of Figaro at the Met?" "I don't know." "Call me on Friday afternoon." "They're 200 a pop." "Would you mind giving me a bit more indication now if you're interested?" "Why?" "Does Simone want to go?" "Just let me think about it, okay?" "I will." "Thank you." "Okay, thanks." "Hey..." "Thank you for the coffee." "Yeah, it's okay." "( clears throat )" "You go anywhere special for inspiration?" "Yeah." "Yeah, um, Jeremy and I used to rent a house on the shore." "Oh, God, no, not that kind of inspiration." "I'm talking about, like, a whorehouse in Chinatown or a titty bar-- you know, somewhere to connect you to reality." "God, it was so beautiful, the ocean at night." "The sky was filled with a million stars." "I love the sound of the ocean, the way it seemed to breathe and... ( chuckles )" "And spend a few hours looking for a shooting star and... then make some corny wish on one." "( chuckles ) Okay, I'm gonna make a wish now." "I wish you'd stop talking." "We've got work to do, and I ask you if anything inspires you, and you start going on about you and your dopey boyfriend at the beach?" "You know what?" "You don't always have to say the first smart-ass thing that pops in your head, Henry." "I know this probably means nothing to you, but it's really unattractive." "It just makes you look weak and fearful, not clever." "So fuckin' knock it off." "FEMALE VOCALIST:" "¢Ü We sailed away on a winter's day ¢Ü" "¢Ü With fate as malleable as clay ¢Ü" "¢Ü But ships are fallible, I say ¢Ü" "¢Ü And the nautical, like all things, fades ¢Ü" "¢Ü And, oh, my love ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh, it was a funny little thing ¢Ü" "Thank you." "No beach, though." "I didn't even expect stars." "Any great ideas for the book?" "It must not work without the beach." "Mmm." "¢Ü The sight of bridges and balloons ¢Ü" "¢Ü Makes calm canaries irritable ¢Ü" "¢Ü And they caw and claw all afternoon ¢Ü" "¢Ü Canaries and dirigibles ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh, my love ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh, it was a funny little thing ¢Ü" "¢Ü To be... ¢Ü" "My brother used to have one of these." "HENRY:" "Oh, nice." "He never, ever let me look through it." "Unless my mother was there, then he'd have to, but... it killed him." "He kind of thought the whole universe was his personal property." "I think most men share that view." "I got binoculars." "Do you look at stars?" "( chuckles) People's rooms." "Rudy and I used to go up on the roof." "He sounds like quite the father figure." "Rudy was nothing like my father." "LUCY:" "My father ran off with his secretary." "Wha-- um, back up." "Um, he-- he-- he ran off with his secretary?" "Ah, it was the '70s." "That's-- that's so cliche." "At least mine had the decency to die." "You still talk to him?" "No, not much to say." "I could think of a couple of things." "( chuckles ) Yeah, I know you could." "Thank you." "Hey, sorry I said some shitty stuff about you before." "It just-- you know." "Seriously." "Sorry." "Okay." "I couldn't wait till Friday." "I mean, this can't be it." "Can it really?" "Really?" "I refuse to believe that." "( sighs )" "When I wrote that you were a window into beauty," "I truly meant it." "Because you are, you're my only window." "( whispering ) I'll see you Friday." "FEMALE VOCALIST:" "¢Ü Big monster lover¢Ü" "¢Ü A bigger pusher-over¢Ü" "( sighs )" "¢Ü Stands apart through most walks of life ¢Ü" "¢Ü Walks alone in most walks of life ¢Ü" "RUDY:" "Let's not get in the habit of sleeping here." "Hey, Henry." "Henry, wake up, or they'll throw you out." "Uh, 41." "Play 41." "And, uh, 22 and 50 and 8." "Why are we here?" "We never win." "You never win, because you never play." "All you do is play, and all you do is lose." "It's pathetic." "Well, look, I don't play for the money." "I play for the joy it gives me." "The pleasure I have, the thrill." "The thrill?" " You're a pussy." " Guess so." " Loser." " Born that way." "She's a nice girl." "She deserves better than him." "Now you're talkin'." "Better than me too." "Yeah, probably, but she doesn't know that yet." "I'm starting to like her." "Well, show her you at your best." "I can't." "I don't have a best." "My best is at best... depressing." "( lottery machine printing )" "( bell rings )" "Thanks for coming." "Anything for you, pal." "Oh, don't kiss my ass." "It makes me feel weird." "Yeah, me too." "( sighs )" "So why am I here?" "Lucy can't work in the city." "Too many distractions." "Mmm." "You, perhaps." "Can I still use the house at the beach?" "Yeah." "Yeah, and the car?" "What, do you drive all of a sudden now?" "." "Yeah." "All right." "It's in the Fourth Street garage." "And I want you to keep me apprised of your progress." "( elevator starts )" "Every single day." "DON:" "He's an academic." "You know, British." "Total egghead." "Brilliant, though." "How brilliant?" "I have him if you want me to fix you up with him." "That's okay." "Anything else?" "What do you want to know?" "." "Just, you know, any hobbies, any weaknesses." "You know, junk like that." "Uh..." "It's been the lunchroom talk around here." "Here, take a gander." "Here he is." "Jeremy Cots wold Sturges." "DON:" "Open it up." "Romantic, right?" "Flip the page." "He's got two girls." "Can't decide who he wants to dedicate it to." "He's gonna wait for the thing to go to press." "( laughs ) Tool." "Anyway I can keep this?" "( engine revving)" "Why are we doing this?" "Jesus!" "Why are you doing that?" "Oh, my God!" "You know, I'm gonna be here when we get there." "We can talk then." "Well, just tell me why you're doing this then?" "So you can have the beach and the stars, and we can write our fuckin' book." "That's-- it's okay." "I think it's sweet." "Come on." "Bet he'd have liked you." "Old Jewish custom, it's a symbol of affection." "Here you go, from both of us." "MALE VOCALIST:" "¢Ü Sawing with my jaw tooth down ¢Ü" "¢Ü Guarded down upside frown ¢Ü" "¢Ü I'm" " I'm looking for a pill ¢Ü" "¢Ü Something to ease my will ¢Ü" "¢Ü A kick in the teeth ¢Ü" "¢Ü You-- you may not realize ¢Ü" "¢Ü When it's done or why ¢Ü" "¢Ü But it may be the best thing ¢Ü" "¢Ü It may be the best thing ¢Ü" "¢Ü Ooh, it may be the best thing ¢Ü" "¢Ü Ooh, it may be the best thing ¢Ü" "¢Ü Pulsing with a familiar pain ¢Ü" "( sighs )" "It's clockwise." "¢Ü A comfort ¢Ü" "Oh." "But I thought you only had a problem stirring things clockwise." "It's long metal things going clockwise." "( clears throat ) It's okay." "¢Ü You may not realize ¢Ü" "I can do it." "¢Ü When it does and why ¢Ü" "¢Ü But it may be the best thing ¢Ü" "¢Ü It may be the best thing ¢Ü" "¢Ü Ooh, it may be the best thing ¢Ü" "This'll do." "Weird." "Hey, you still have that stone I gave you?" "Yeah." "Oh, man." "Good." "This one looks just like it." "No." "'Cause, see, mine has two little blue specks right there." "Kinda look like eyes." "Like, there's a little guy inside, and he has his face pressed up against the inside, trying to look out." "See?" "How'd he get in there?" "There's not really a guy inside there." "( Henry laughing )" "What?" "Hey!" "No, no, no!" "( Henry exhales forcefully )" "( Lucy sighs )" "You're a jerk." "This is my stone." "HENRY: ( mockingly ) This is my stone!" "( Lucy laughs )" "( telephone rings )" "( ring )" "( ring )" "Hey, got anything for me to draw yet?" "No." "So, what if Marty gets some lame Christmas gift, something... stupid, like, um... your shirt." "And..." "My ex-girlfriend gave me this shirt." "( chuckles )" "So, anyway, he's at the department store the next day trying to return the thing..." "Her fashion sense was the best thing about her." "...when he bumps into her at the cash register." " Who?" " Marty." "Bumps into who?" "Whom?" "Whom?" "His girlfriend." "Marty doesn't have a girlfriend." "Why not?" "He doesn't want one." "Oh." "It's a big step." "He'd probably ruin her." "Yeah, you're right." "She'd want commitment, and sweetness, and to be treated like she's the only beaver in the whole wide world, and Marty's not ready for that." "Let me think about it." "( telephone rings )" "MALE VOCALIST:" "¢Ü Right, wrong, what to do ¢Ü" " ¢Ü Someday it will come to you ¢Ü - ( telephone continues ringing )" "¢Ü Hot style in the end ¢Ü" "¢Ü We named a summer camp for you ¢Ü" "¢Ü I've got nothing to say ¢Ü" "¢Ü I've got nothing to say ¢Ü" "¢Ü I've got nothing to say ¢Ü" "¢Ü I've got nothing to say ¢Ü - ( telephone rings )" "¢Ü We could drag you down ¢Ü" "¢Ü But that's for other bands to do ¢Ü" "( car alarm chirps )" "¢Ü I've got nothing to give ¢Ü" "¢Ü Got no reason to live ¢Ü" "¢Ü And I will fight to survive ¢Ü" "¢Ü I've got nothing to hide ¢Ü" "¢Ü Wish I wasn't so shy ¢Ü" "I can't sleep." "Must be the, uh-- must be the time difference." "What's that?" "This is something I tossed in the car." "And gift-wrapped?" "Gift-wrapped and tossed in the car." "Oh, my gosh." "( Lucy chuckles )" "Oh, my gosh." "( speech falters briefly ) You can go ahead and open it." "Okay." "Oh, my God!" "Wanna go take a look?" "What are you looking for?" "Something dim and fuzzy and almost impossible to locate." "Nebula?" "I been readin' up." "Wow." "Clouds of gas." "Stars are born in 'em." "Trip to the planetarium made me feel like an idiot." "Sometimes the gas is a-- is a-- a remnant of a supernova." "Mm-hmm." "Which is a star which dies in a particularly spectacular... violent fashion." "Wow." "Okay." "Okay, look right here." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Okay, where?" "Oh, you have to sort of move your eye around to find it." "Okay, um..." "Mmm." "I don't see anything." "Mmm." "Hold on." "Yeah, here it is." "It is... it's, like, right above the big blue star." "You'll see." "( groans ) I don't see it!" "( Lucy chuckles )" "Okay, hold on, let me see." "Oh." "It's there." "Try again." "Do you see anything?" "( mock exasperation ) No!" "Really?" "Oh, fuck!" "Big blue star!" "Okay, anything else?" "Uh..." "Get out..." "A bunch of dim ones." "Okay, now look up." "VOCALIST:" "¢Ü Aaahhh ¢Ü" "¢Ü Aaahhh ¢Ü" "( head pounds wall )" "I can't." "Yes, you can." "We have to work." "Right now?" "." "Lucy, come on, please." "It's gonna get... very complicated." "Aaahhh, God, it's gonna get so complicated." "Do you just genuinely dislike me, Henry?" "A week ago I didn't give a rat's ass about nebulas, and now I can't get enough of them, 'kay?" "Nebulae." "What?" "It's-- it's "nebulae," not "nebulas."" "Okay, fine." "I don't care about nebulas." "You accuse me of whatever you want." "I'm probably guilty of it:" "contributing to global warming and killing a squirrel once and using the word "retarded"" "and occasionally misinterpreted bigotry, but don't-- don't-- don't-- don't-- don't-- don't-- don't-- don't-- accusing me of not liking you." "'Kay?" "I understand." "FEMALE VOCALIST:" "¢Ü Losing the star without a sky ¢Ü" "¢Ü Losing the reasons why ¢Ü" "¢Ü Losing the call that you've been faking ¢Ü" "¢Ü And I'm not kidding ¢Ü" "¢Ü It's damned if you don't, it's damned if you do ¢Ü" "¢Ü Be true ¢Ü" "¢Ü 'Cause I'll lock you up in a sad, sad tune ¢Ü" "¢Ü Men are hard ¢Ü" "¢Ü You're not worth a thing ¢Ü" "¢Ü Men are hard ¢Ü" "¢Ü You're not hiding ¢Ü" "HENRY:" "So, maybe, um..." "Marty does have a girlfriend after all." "No." "Well, you know, he's got to start thinking about the future." "You mean little beavers?" "( chuckles )" "No." "My God!" "Jesus!" "Let's not get crazy, okay?" "Can you imagine?" "He's still not a very trusting beaver." " You know?" "." " Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "Give him some time to get used to having a girlfriend first." "Okay, okay, okay." "And I'm not gonna stop you from drawing a little beaver." "I just can't guarantee it's gonna be in the book." " It's okay." "I can wait." " Okay." "But I can't start drawing anything until you start writing." "Right." "Okay." "Give me a couple of hours." "( telephone rings )" "( ring )" "You're about to drive me out of my gourd." "PLANCK:" "Well, I'm sorry, Henry." "You didn't keep me informed of your progress." "Well, we've been too busy working." "Look, she'll finish it with another collaborator." "This is a done deal." "This is nonnegotiable at this point." " Uh-huh." " Henry, I am not kidding." "Now, I expect Lucy back here in the morning to start working with a new writer." "Well, what makes you think she's gonna come back?" "Henry, don't apply any undue pressure to the girl." "Her bonus is contingent upon delivering a completed book, with or without you." "Arthur, she doesn't give a flying shit about 5,000 bucks." "Oh, Henry, Henry, it is not $5,000." "HENRY:" "Hey, can I talk to you a second?" "Can I, uh, see the stone?" "Yeah." "How much?" "How much what?" "How-- how much?" "How much do I adore you?" "How much is Planck paying you?" "$200,000." "You know, I could have just written you a check and left it on the pillow." "What?" "Oh, now I know why you canceled with Jeremy." "Hey, tell me this" "Did you tell him you were gonna fuck me, or was that just improvisation?" "( car door closes )" "( engine races )" "( tires squealing )" "MAN ON TELEVISION:" "...miles from nowhere." "WOMAN ON TELEVISION:" "I kept thinking about you all the time." "I couldn't sleep." "MAN:" "It wasn't easy for me either." "Ken, we've got a chance to be happy." "Let's not throw it away." "Are you sure?" "I don't want to be sure of anything... except that you love me." "MAN #2:..." "Mr. Lee fought valiantly in the face of the cowardly thugs, who managed to escape with little more than a rack of chocolate bars." "Oh, good Lord." "What is it?" "I've discovered a black hole." "Ha ha ha!" "Hey, I'm not doin' too well here." "So you thought she was the one, huh?" "Yeah." "One in a billion." "Well, let's not get carried away." "The average guy meets about 900 women during the mating years, so-- so you thought she was the one in 900." "I get it." "Still, a devastating blow." "Wh-- what if that's it?" "( softly ) Fuck." "Well, at least I still got you." "Hey, l-- you" "Rudy!" "Rudy!" "He's invulnerable." "Almost all proceeds." "HENRY:" "So, any idea what she did with her bonus?" "Yeah, she's donating her fee to the Landmine..." "something something..." "Children's Fund." " Oh, my God." " You should be happy." "No, they're the ones who had me drop the suit against you." "Arthur, uh-- uh-- uh-- she's got a book signing tomorrow." "Don't bother." "She's leaving for London the next morning." "Book tour." "Well, I don't" "I'll just go to London." "Not hers." "Her boyfriend's." "Some horrible little book about Romanticism." " She's going with him." " Her boyfriend?" "Yeah." "You're too late, Henry." "Really." "FEMALE VOCALIST:" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "( mouthing soundlessly )" "( thunderclap )" "( thunderclap resounds )" "FEMALE VOCALIST:" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "( horn honks )" "( indistinct shouting )" "( engine racing )" "( tires squealing )" "( indistinct laughter and chatter )" "( Christmas music plays faintly )" "MAN:" "Hey!" "LUCY:...we both are." "We appreciate your support." "I hope you like the book." "( breathing heavily )" "Hey." "Uh..." "I've never been good at finding things." "I'm really good at losing things-- uh, the remote and keys and parrots and people I like" "Henry, go away." "No." "Come here." "Oh, God." "I've spent my whole life wanting something... and doing my very best not to find it." "Never... even going near the places it might be, and suddenly..." "I got the goddamn thing practically chained around my neck." "What are you talking about?" "You." "You." "You're the-- you're-- you're the goddamn thing." "You're" "I mean, you're-- you're" "Aaahhh..." "I can't describe you." "I don't" " I don't-- I don't write that kind of shit." "I write-- you know, the people who write the real books, the love books and the poems and even those stupid little fucking novels with the hunky assholes on the cover." "You know-- you know what I'm talking about?" "You're, like, princess shit." "You know, fairy tales." "You know what I'm saying?" "The million guys are after her, and they're blinded by your beauty kind of shit." "Real big stuff, you know-- even we got the dick who kidnaps you and sticks you in a cave and you're guarded by a five-headed dragon, and, you know, the tales of your plight are spread throughout the land," "and now all the guys go and put on their shoes so they can see what's up, but none of them have-- have the balls to save her except for me." "I would go through anything for you." "And still... there I was, looking for a way not to see it." "Anything." "Money." "Stupid idiot." "Yes." "Yeah." "Yes, I'm a big, fat, stupid idiot." "I hope you're better to the next one." "Wait." "Let me show you something." "All right." "It was easy to find." "It's the only one like it." "You broke my heart, Henry." "I don't think that you can... trust people." "You always have to find something wrong." "I'm just" " I'm sorry." "I'll miss you." "You'll be fine." "We'll both be fine, Rudy." "That's life, Henry." "Yep." "You know what life is?" "Life is... a horrible little giggle in the midst of a forced death march towards hell." "No, it isn't." "An interminable wail of grief." "No." "Life is a single skip for joy." "I know." "You hear that?" "What?" "Look." "You'll never throw it away again?" "Never." "It's the only one like it." "I know." "FEMALE VOCALIST:" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no, oh no, oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "( movie projector whirrs )" "FEMALE VOCALIST:" "¢Ü In the cage aqua ¢Ü" "¢Ü Ruby-red panda ¢Ü" "¢Ü An insane boy who have control of the world ¢Ü" "¢Ü Power ¢Ü" "¢Ü Will meet the boy ¢Ü" "¢Ü Why does power always seek the boy ¢Ü" "¢Ü Why does power make the crazy boy ¢Ü" "¢Ü More... more ¢Ü" "¢Ü Was the boy ¢Ü" "¢Ü Powercord ¢Ü" "¢Ü I am here ¢Ü" "¢Ü I will sell my soul to devil ¢Ü" "¢Ü If I can be the top of the world ¢Ü" "¢Ü I will sell my soul to devil ¢Ü" "¢Ü If I can be the top of the world ¢Ü" "¢Ü I will sell my soul to devil ¢Ü" "¢Ü If I can be the top of the world ¢Ü" "¢Ü Be the top of the world ¢Ü" "¢Ü He was funny and fine, sweet sweet good boy ¢Ü" "¢Ü Said he liked me like power ¢Ü" "¢Ü Dreams of boy not like before ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü I am not a boy, I cannot hold the powers ¢Ü" "¢Ü Hold the powers ¢Ü" "¢Ü That man was an angel in the cab ¢Ü" "¢Ü I don't carry her powers ¢Ü" "¢Ü Heart and soul I know what I want ¢Ü" "¢Ü Oh no ¢Ü" "¢Ü I am not a boy ¢Ü" "¢Ü I cannot hold the powers ¢Ü" "¢Ü Hold the power ¢Ü" "¢Ü Matchbook seeks matchbook seeks maniac ¢Ü" "¢Ü Matchbook seeks matchbook seeks maniac ¢Ü" "¢Ü Matchbook seeks matchbook seeks maniac ¢Ü" "¢Ü I will sell my soul to devil ¢Ü" "¢Ü If I can be the top of the world ¢Ü" "¢Ü I will sell my soul to devil ¢Ü" "¢Ü If I can be the top of the world ¢Ü" "¢Ü I will sell my soul to devil ¢Ü" "¢Ü If I can be the top of the... ¢Ü"