"You're traveling through another dimension- a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind, a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination." "Your next stop, the twilight zone." "Hello, is anyone there?" "Hello!" "Is anyone there?" "Well, how do you do?" "I'm fitzgerald fortune... the theater critic." "So what?" "Isn't rudeness something of a handicap in your line of work?" "What's that to you, hmm?" "When i saw the name "treasures unlimited,"" "i stepped through that door fully expecting to encounter some sentimental old biddy in an ostrich-plumed hat and a moth-eaten feather boa." "Instead, to my sincere delight, i seem to have discovered a misanthrope." "What's that?" "A man who despises people." "I got work to do, mister." "What are you looking for?" "I am looking for a present for my wife's birthday." "Wrong place, wrong place, junk shop." "Exactly." "You see, my wife has the absurd notion that she would like to learn to play the piano." "Unfortunately, she hasn't a trace of talent." "So, do you happen to have one of those old pianos that plays itself?" "Got one." "Don't know if it works or not." "But it's old." "Splendid." "Would you mind showing it to me, please?" "You're taking a lot of my time, mister." "You're taking an equal amount of mine." "What birthday does this make for your wife?" "The 26th." "So young." "You must be a man of great personal magnetism to attract a wife so young." "I am." "Utterly romantic- youth and wisdom, hand in hand." "How i'd love to see the two of you together." "What... what a picture you must make." "And for her birthday, you're giving her the gift of music." "Oh, how touching." "What is the price of the piano?" "Youaretaking your young bride out somewhere tonight, hmm?" "Some quiet nook where you can be lost together in the midst of the great world, looking into each other's eyes." "How much for the piano?" "It's worth $250, but since it's for a birthday present i'll let you have it for $200." "I shall expect delivery before 6:00 this evening." "The address is right here on my check." "Certainly... i shouldn't like to have the little lady disappointed on her birthday." "Has it occurred to you that you're extraordinarily susceptible to the power of music?" "Isn't everybody?" "Well... to some degree, yes." "You going to stand around all day taking my good time?" "No, i was just going." "Oh, there's the door." "Tell me, are you sentimental about anything else beside birthdays?" "Birthdays?" "They're a stupid waste of time and money." "Extraordinary." "Mr. Fitzgerald fortune, theater critic and cynic at large, on his way to a birthday party." "If he knew what is in store for him, he probably wouldn't go, because before this evening is over that cranky old piano is going to play "those piano-roll blues"" "with some effects that could happen only in the twilight zone." "Good evening, sir." "You've dusted the piano, i see." "Yes, sir." "It came an hour ago, sir." "Oh, marvin... yes, sir?" "If you're going to wait at the party tonight do you think you could manage to do something about your face?" "My face, sir?" "A party is supposed to be a happy occasion." "Do you think you could manage to be a little less miserable than usual?" "I will do my best, sir." "Is that you, gerald?" "Yes, esther." "Hello, darling." "Esther, i want you to let marvin go." "What's he done?" "No, it's not anything that he's done." "It's just the way he looks." "I hate to come home every evening and be confronted by that lugubrious expression of his- unspeakably depressing." "Look at him!" "Looks as if he's going to burst into tears at any moment." "Surely at least we can have a servant who's cheerful to have around." "There's no need to hurt his feelings, dear." "He has no feelings." "The man's a clod." "Well, you don't like the piano, i take it." "Oh, i love the piano, i really do." "Eh, have you played it?" "I didn't know how it worked, so i thought i'd wait until you came home." "You see, i remembered that you wanted to learn to play the piano." "This piano plays itself." "Yes, wasn't that considerate of me?" "See, i didn't want you to take all those tedious lessons and then find out at the end of it all that you really had no musical talent at all." "I see." "Well, darling?" "No thanks for my birthday present?" "No emotion of any kind?" "Thank you, gerald." "Well, now, let's hear what this one sounds like." "It has a happy-enough sounding title." "Thank you, marvin." "Marvin, what on earth is the matter with you?" "Are you feeling all right, marvin?" "I'm very well, thank you, madame." "But you're smiling." "Am i?" "You most certainly are." "That's probably because i'm happy, sir." "What are you happy about?" "Everything... i make good money, got a nice place to live, my health, money in the bank, i like my job!" "But you couldn't possibly." "I treat you atrociously." "Oh, you don't bother me, mr." "Fortune, you tickle me." "Sometimes it's all i can do to keep from laughing out loud when you have one of your tantrums." "I get a great kick of it when you go around flicking the furniture to see if i've dusted, or checking the silver to see if it's polished." "I'm sorry if i spoke out of place, sir." "Oh, on the contrary, marvin." "I'm very glad you did." "You may go, thank you." "What a strange thing to happen." "Yes, wasn't it?" "Who would have thought that beneath that gloomy exterior the man was concealing a sunny nature?" "Of course, i've always believed that we have two faces- one that we wear and the other that we keep hidden." "The problem has always been to find some method to make people reveal their hidden faces." "Yes, i suppose it helps if you know what particular hidden face you're looking for." "How do you like this music, esther?" "You... beast!" "I've controlled myself for six years... and i can't stand it any longer." "I was a stupid child when i married you." "I thought you were a great man." "But you aren't." "You're just a sadistic fiend." "You take pleasure in humiliating me in front of your clever friends." "You enjoy hurting me." "I've stood your cruelty for six years, and i can't stand it anymore." "Are you feeling well, my dear?" "I feel better than i've felt for years." "It's a great relief to tell you what i really think about you." "I've kept it bottled up for so long." "I thought you needed me." "I thought you needed my love, but you don't." "You just need someone to bully and to torture when you feel like it." "I tried to love you- heaven knows i did- but i hate you." "I hate you!" "Congratulations, my dear." "A magnificent performance." "If you'd been on stage, esther, i should have given you superlative reviews." "I don't know what possessed me." "Well, i do!" "I seem to have bought you a more interesting birthday present than i'd thought." "I wonder what other people are hiding." "Gerald, promise me that you won't play the piano again at the party tonight." "I promise no such thing." "I wasn't looking forward to this party very much." "But now i think we're going to have a most amusing evening." "Good evening, marvin." "Good evening, sir." "Gerry?" "Greg!" "Good to see you." "Scotch?" "Of course." "You're unusually cordial tonight." "That is yoursmileyou're wearing, isn't it?" "I took it out of cold storage in honor of esther's birthday." "Well, not i." "I don't plan to smile all evening." "I'm glad to see you share my distaste for birthdays." "Well, birthdays, anniversaries and certain holidays i overlook whenever possible." "They seem to imply a certain sticky human involvement which i'd much rather avoid." "Oh, is that true?" "I'd always gathered you were something of a ladies' man, rather thickly involved." "You've been misinformed, gerry, my boy." "I'm much too selfish to fall in love." "And you're miserable." "Not in the least." "I value the peace and quiet of my orderly bachelor existence." "Lets me write my plays without interference from anyone." "Oh, yes, how is the new play?" "Brilliant." "By the way, where is the birthday girl?" "Oh, she's still at her makeup table." "Her emotions were showing, and she's covering up a little." "Tell me, what do you think of this amusing little toy i found for her?" "I haven't seen one of those old jobs in years." "Doesn't play, does it?" "It does, indeed." "Plays remarkably well." "Let me show you." "I have a piece especially for you." "Romantic, wouldn't you say?" "Is esther pleased with it?" "Well, she hasn't shown any great enthusiasm." "That doesn't sound like esther." "Usually she's so grateful for any small show of affection." "I think that's one of her most lovable qualities- the ability to accept a bouquet of daisies as though they were the rarest of orchids." "I remember i once gave her a small ring, a turquoise ring." "She accepted it as if it were the hope diamond." "Oh, i remember when she brought that ring back from mexico city." "But i seem to recall that she went there alone." "Yes, yes, she did." "We ran into each other down there." "She never mentioned it." "Wasn't that rather an odd coincidence?" "Gerry, has it ever occurred to you that i'm very deeply in love with your wife?" "My dear greg..." "i always believed that you were about as capable of passion as a head of lettuce and esther's emotional power was that of a newborn kitten." "Now don't speak of her that way." "I'll speak of her any way i please." "She's my wife." "You don't know esther at all." "Esther is full of love." "Her skin is warm and soft like velvet." "The scent of her hair is enough to drive a man wild." "And... her hands are gentle, sweet to kiss and to hold." "Esther is music... gerald, no!" "...honey, esther is... oh, i'm sorry you did that, my dear." "I don't know when i've been so highly entertained." "Esther, i'm sorry." "I can't explain what happened." "It's probably just as well." "I never enjoyed deceiving you, gerald." "My dear, you're incapable of deceiving me." "I've known for years of your capacity for doing any number of sordid little things." "The only revelation that's been made to me has been the specific details of your squalid little affair." "Oh, our guests are arriving." "Before i welcome them, may i wish you a happy birthday, my dear, and hope that the next 26 years will be equally rewarding." "Gerald, please don't use the piano again tonight." "It's not something that you fool with." "I'm not fooling with it, my dear." "I'm using it with deadly accuracy." "Hi, marvin!" "Good evening, miss moore." "Marge, my dear, do come in." "Well, don't just stand there, devouring me with your eyes." "Kiss me, you fool." "Marge, i'm really vexed with you." "You promised me the next time i saw you you'd be as svelte as an antelope." "I've been on more diets than arcaro has horses." "But somehow, i always manage to get thrown before the finish line." "Happy birthday, esther." "Thank you, marge." "I'm not even speaking to you, handsome." "Do you realize it's been months since you've called me?" "Somebody else been taking my place?" "As a matter of fact, yes." "We've just been having an illuminating discussion about greg's new romance." "Don't tell me her name, or i just might scratch her eyes out." "Or worse yet, i might just sit on her and mash her to death." "Well, isn't somebody going to offer me a drink?" "Oh, you'll have to talk to marvin." "I believe another stagecoach is arriving." "Darling, you look ravishing." "How are you?" "Mwa." "Hi." "Ross, good to see you." "Hello, mary." "Happy birthday." "Oh, this looks marvelous." "Oh, this looks marvelous!" "Why don't you have one?" "Not with my diet." "Diet?" "What's that?" "All right, everyone, now, may i have your attention, please?" "Now, um, would you just find seats." "Anywhere, uh, on the floor will be fine." "Not me, i'd never be able to get up." "The time has come for fun and games." "Now, being mostly friends of esther's you're probably inclined to such intellectual pursuits as, uh, spin the bottle or pin the tail on the donkey." "However, tonight i thought rather than cater to your juvenile mentalities we might perhaps have a rather more adult game." "When are we going to cut the cake?" "I'm hungry!" "Compulsive eaters will find hors d'oeuvres within arm's reach." "Now, for this game, we shall need a volunteer." "Well, in the absence of a volunteer i shall have to conscript someone." "Um... marge moore." "Me?" "Okay, svengali, uh, what's the caper?" "All i want you to do is to listen to some music, my dear." "Oh, well, i can do that!" "Talk to me, marge." "Tell me what you're feeling." "My name isn't marge." "What is your name?" "My name is tina." "Who are you, tina?" "I'm a little girl." "What do you like to do?" "Oh, i love to dance." "All right, tina, dance for us." "Shh!" "All right, you may stop dancing now, tina." "Tell me, are you always tina?" "Not always." "What else are you, marge?" "Sometimes, i pretend that i'm a snowflake;" "white and tiny and perfectly formed." "I float on the air of a pale blue moonlit night." "I'm never lonely... beautiful and slender." "Oh, and i'm loved." "I see a man with his hand stretched out." "I drift down and reach that hand." "I'm enclosed by his warmth and i melt with his love." "It was all in fun, my dear." "I chose you especially, because i thought you'd enjoy a joke." "Gerald!" "Don't you think that we've had enough of that piano for tonight?" "Oh, not quite." "Sit down, sit down, everybody." "I'm going to call forth the devil." "I hardly think we shall get a volunteer, but that doesn't matter." "Esther, put this on the piano." "Now, cheer up, darling." "It's only a game." "Now, this is going to befaust." "So if there really is a devil among us we shall know it soon enough." "Say something, devil." "I'm afraid." "What are you afraid of, devil?" "I'm afraid of the dark." "Why, you're not a devil." "You're just a poor, frightened kid." "That's a secret." "Tell us your secret, gerry." "I'm afraid of you all." "I'm afraid of people." "There's a small, frightened boy, and i've kept him hidden away inside me." "And he only likes to hurt people, and i can't stop him from doing it." "Did you know that i envied you, marge?" "I can't embrace the world as you do." "And in my envy, i released that frightened child inside me and i let him hurt you." "I tried to hurt you, too, greg." "I gave bad reviews to your plays when i should have given praise." "I coveted your talent because i have none." "And i hurt you in every childish way i could." "I, uh, i think we'd better go." "Esther... i've hurt you most of all." "You came to me with love, but you frightened me." "I don't know how to return love except as a child does- with shrieks and blows and indifference." "Good night, esther." "Uh... esther... will you come with me?" "Where are you all going?" "!" "I don't want you to leave." "Come back!" "If you leave me, i'm going to be very naughty!" "Don't laugh at me." "I'm not laughing, mr." "Fortune." "You're not funny anymore." "Mr. Fitzgerald fortune, a man who went searching for concealed persons and found himself in the twilight zone." "Rod serling, creator ofthe twilight zone, will tell you about next week's story after this message." "And now, mr." "Serling." "A symbol of a sad but rather commonplace event." "An impressive funeral, the deceased laid out in a most acceptable manner... but in this case, at the last moment deciding that in matters concerning the trip to the great beyond, perhaps this trip wasn't necessary." "You'll see it next week onthe twilight zone when we present montgomery pittman's" ""the last rites of jeff myrtlebank."" "Very often when you write for a living, you run across blocks- moments when you can't think of the right thing to say." "Now happily, there are no blocks to get in the way of the full pleasure of chesterfield." "Great tobaccos make it a wonderful smoke." "Try 'em; they satisfy." "This is james arness." "You know, it's only a short hop fromthe twilight zone to dodge city andgunsmoke, saturday nights over most of these stations."