""And sunlight clasped the earth..." ""... and the moonbeams kissed the sea." ""What are all these kissings worth..." ""... if thou kiss not me?"" "That's it." "Mike." "Mr." "Brackett, OK." "That Cameron Drake guy, did you really teach him?" "Yes, I did." "Right here in this very room." "Question about the poem?" "Yes, Meredith." "When Cameron went here did he have a girlfriend?" "Please." "Jack." "Mr." "Brackett." "Vicky." "Does this have to do with the poem?" "Yeah." "You have a comment about English literature or Romantic poetry?" "Absolutely." "Let's hear it." "When Cameron went here and studied English literature and Romantic poetry was he really cute?" "No." "He's had massive surgery." "A complete overhaul." "He was an iguana." "But, you know, he loved this poem." "Excuse me, Mr. Brackett." "Mr. Brackett." "Jack." "It's here." "From Indiana State." "And?" "Hey, Joe." "Will you open it?" "It'll make it a lot easier." "What if I..." "I mean, I'm not gonna get in." "I bet that it just says, "Nice try, you moron." ""You loser, get lost get out of here"." "That's not quite the way they put it, Jack." "Yes!" "You're in!" "Full scholarship!" "Yes?" "Way to go!" "Yes!" "Gentlemen, Are we having a practice?" "We can't, you know." "It's our coach." "He's getting married this week." "Yes, that's correct." "And he's drunk." "I'm drunk?" "Pretty soon!" "You guys!" "Congratulations, Mr. Brackett!" "You're so beautiful." "Howard?" "You look exquisite." "I wish my folks were still here." "They never thought it would happen." "They never thought I'd get married." "We're your family now, dear." "I'm not just Howard's mom." "I'm yours." "Beware." "When you walked in here last month, I almost died." "I didn't recognize you." "She's worked very hard." "Isn't she a knockout?" "I was fat my whole life." "I was not going to waddle down that aisle." "When I saw that Richard Simmons' infomercial..." "I love him." "Remember when he actually went to that woman's house who lost over 400 pounds using the tapes?" "Yes." "I just thought, if she can do it, so can I." "And you did." "Bridal Barn, we salute you." "It's a straitjacket." "It's a classic, the J-12." "Everybody in town's been stopping by revving up for your nuptials." "Look at this." "Son, I don't know." "The Torme." "Thank you." "In just a few short days Emily and I will be married after three long years." "What, you may be asking yourself, was the problem?" "You said it!" "Well, Aunt Becky, I think I have the answer." "I vowed I would not be married until Cameron Drake was nominated for an Oscar." "I thought I was safe." "Tonight's the night, for Cameron, at least and so I'll let you all get back to your sets." "This Sunday, thanks to my mom and dad and Emily is going to be the happiest day of my life." "Wouldn't it be extraordinary if Cameron actually wins?" "You remember, I had him." "You did?" "Yeah." "I was a student teacher." "It was sophomore English." "He used to come every day after school for extra help." "We spent the whole year reciting Romeo and Juliet to each other." "Oh, really?" "Just the two of you?" "He was just a student." "Well, all right." "Now, which channel?" "Who wants movie-style buttery lite?" "Me, I do." "Score pads and pencils." "Gretchen, what do you have for Best Documentary?" "Something about Polish mine workers and their struggle to be free." "I hope that nice Sally Field wins." "But she's not nominated." "Even so." "It's almost time." "Turn it on." "The place..." "Hollywood, USA." "This is Peter Malloy for Inside Entertainment inviting you to join me for Hollywood's night of nights the 68th Annual Academy Awards." "Ladies and gentlemen here is another screen legend, an Oscar winner herself Miss Whoopi Goldberg." "So, Whoop, Cameron Drake." "His chances?" "This kid is incredible." "He is so sexy, so sweet." "I just adore him." "He is just the best there is." "It's Cameron Drake!" "There he is." "Look." "He is just so cool." "What is that on his chin?" "Looks like a troll doll." "Did he just wake up?" "Shut up." "Ladies and gentlemen, here comes America's hottest young star and People Magazine's sexiest man of the year, poor guy Cameron Drake." "Hello." "Hey." "So, Cameron, tonight's the big night." "All the marbles." "Planet Cameron." "Right." "Excuse me?" "I said, right." "Everyone's saying that you won't be going home empty-handed." "How do you feel about that?" "And speak up." "Basically to me, awards are meaningless." "I'm an artist." "It's about the work." "All the nominees are artists." "We shouldn't be forced to compete with each other like dogs." "I hear you." "Good point." "Then why are you here?" "In case I win." "Now we return to the 68th Annual Academy Awards." "Coming up, the Oscar for best performance by an actor." "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Glenn Close." "Now our final nominee for Best Actor..." "Cameron Drake." "Cameron rocketed to stardom with courage and charisma tackling the role of a brave gay soldier in the breakthrough film "To Serve and Protect"." "You're gonna make it, Danny." "I love you, Billy." "Wait." "Do you love me as a friend, or in another way?" "Another way, Billy." "You mean as a brother?" "No, another way." "You mean as a cousin?" "No, another way." "You mean as a pen pal?" "My legs hurt." "Proceed." "Lieutenant Stevens you've been awarded two purple hearts and a Congressional Medal of Honor." "You saved the lives of your entire unit." "However, your sergeant haw come across the following items in your footlocker." "Will you kindly tell the court if they are yours?" "A personal letter to another soldier?" "No." "Yes, sir." "A photograph signed, "Danny, San Francisco"?" "Yes, sir." "Finally, an autographed copy of "Beaches" starring Bette Midler?" "Give that back!" "Discharge, dishonorable!" "They're kicking him out." "That's not fair." "I mean, he killed people." "Danny, I just don't know." "Did I do the right thing?" "Ask him." "Well, Mr. President, am I still a good American?" "It's a statue, Billy." "Danny." "I love you." "Come on." "Let's go home." "Billy." "Billy." "Billy!" "Billy!" "Oh, look." "Here he is." "This is Cameron's first nomination and he's in extremely good company." "Tonight, he joins fellow Best Actor nominees Paul Newman for "Coot" Clint Eastwood for "Codger" Michael Douglas for "Primary Urges" and Steven Seagal for "Snowball in Hell"." "And the winner is Cameron Drake, "To Serve and Protect"." "My God!" "Doofus!" "Doofus!" "That's our boy." "Look at him." "My God!" "Thank you." "Nice, man." "Nice." "I'd like to thank a great director an incredible cast my agent and my new agent but I'm just an actor playing someone." "This really belongs to all the gay soldiers and sailors and other guys and women who defend this country to keep us free, but can't date." "So maybe I should thank someone else." "Someone who's really been there." "Someone who taught me a lot about poetry and Shakespeare and just, like, you know, staying awake, man." "Someone who's just an overall great guy and teacher." "To Howard Brackett from Greenleaf, Indiana." "My God!" "I can't believe it." "And he's gay." "I've been thinking a lot about this night and I've decided to dedicate this whole night to a great gay teacher." "Mr. Brackett, we won!" "Howard?" "Howard?" "Precious." "What's he talking about?" "I have no idea!" "What?" "!" "Mom?" "Dad?" "Is there something you want to tell us?" "Something about the wedding?" "I'm not gay." "Of course not." "No, no, no." "My son's not gay." "No way!" "No how!" "No dice!" "No, ma'am." "No, sir!" "But that boy on TV..." "I don't know what that was about." "I am outraged!" "I may hire an attorney." "I may sue!" "That's right." "That's a good idea." "Get that Johnnie Cochran, not that woman." "Good idea." "Remember, he's been in Hollywood a long time." "He may be under the influence of something." "Or he may have joined a cult." "My lord." "That little zombie." "His family was..." "I hate to say this but when they lived here, they were not active in the PTA." "He used to mow our lawn." "Never again." "Howard, we want you to know you're our son, and we'll always love you gay, straight, red, green if you rob a bank, if you kill someone." "If you get drunk, climb a tower, and take out the town." "As long as you get married." "I need that wedding." "I need some beauty, music, and place cards before I die." "It's like heroin." "Do you hear me, Howard?" "Emily, can we give you a lift?" "Will you be all right?" "Of course." "I'm fine." "We're getting married." "I love you." "Good night." "Hello." "No, I'm not." "# Macho, macho man." "Macho man, yeah." "# I've got to be a macho man." "Let's go." "There he is!" "That's him!" "Howard!" "Do you have a boyfriend?" "I am getting married!" "I am not gay!" "Do you know Ellen?" "A teacher in trouble, a town under siege a journey to the heartland." "Peter Malloy." "Stay tuned." "Howard!" "Should gays be allowed to handle fresh produce?" "I don't care!" "This is a classroom!" "Class." "So, where were we?" "Romantic poetry." "Shakespeare." "Talented, English, dead." "The sonnets." ""Shall I compare thee to a summer's gay?" ""Thou art more lovely and more temperate..." ""Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and"..." "Ok." "Let's get it out into the open." "What's on your mind?" "Is it... true?" "Of course not!" "I'm getting married in 3 days!" "See?" "I knew it!" "Told you." "All right, class." "Why did he say it on TV in front of the whole world?" "Were you incredibly embarrassed?" "Did you want to stick a grenade in your mouth?" "Class, class." "I don't know why he said it." "I've been trying to figure that out myself." "But that's not why we're here today." "Mr." "Brackett." "Mike?" "I've been thinking about it all night." "Why would he say you were gay?" "And I got it figured out." "What have you got?" "Look at you." "I beg your pardon?" "No offense, but you're an English teacher." "Exactly." "All this poetry and odes and bonnets." "Sonnets?" "And you're kinda prissy." "Prissy?" "Not in a bad way." "I mean you're smart." "And well-dressed." "And really clean." "Doesn't look good." "Plus, you got the drama club, and you ride that bicycle." "You've been engaged to Miss Montgomery for 3 years." "What does that..." "Think about it." "If you add it up, of course the guy thinks you're gay!" "Plus, he was in that movie so his brain is, like, already going that way and then he remembers you and he goes, "Smart, clean, totally decent human being "gay"!" "Gays in the space program?" "Lesbians on Mars?" "Do you have any comment?" "Excuse me." "Mr." "Brackett." "Boys and girls." "Mr." "Halliwell." "Howard, could I..." "Class, excuse me." "The school is surrounded." "There are TV cameras, reporters." "See?" "They want pictures of the gay guy!" "I tried to reason with them." "I told them I was the principal, and they mocked me." "I'm sorry." "Could you talk to them?" "Right away." "Class, page 58." "Learn all you can." "Mr." "Brackett." "Yes?" "Watch the hands." "Good point." "Howard, are you gay?" "Howard!" "Howard, please!" "I'm sorry." "The jury's still out on this." "No way." "He's been here for how many years?" "Come on." "I always knew." "I say bravo." "It's a blow for freedom." "Good for Howard." "To quote Mr. Bob Dylan..." ""How many roads must a man walk down before we call him a man?"" "Ed, don't." "It's early." "Knew what?" "# And how many seas must the white dove sail..." "Ed, please." "# before she sleeps..." "Shut up, Ed!" "Trina." "We're talking about Howard." "Why are we talking about Howard?" "'Cause he likes dick." "Good morning, everyone." "How are you?" "Terrific!" "Fabulous." "Is that Xerox still on the fritz?" "How are you, sunshine?" "Fine." "Look at you." "Dick who?" "He's getting married this week." "See?" "He's not gay." "I told you." "But think about it." "I mean, gay guys." "I don't wanna think about it." "There's only 2 times where it's ok to do gay stuff." "2 emergency situations." "What?" "Which situations?" "Prison, when it's like a substitute or guys in space." "Guys in space?" "Not on purpose." "It just happens because they're weightless and they float into each other when they're asleep." "You're so lame." "I know it's wrong." "It's against, like, nature." "Basic plumbing." "What?" "It's the human body." "It's divided up into in-holes and out-holes." "Stuff is supposed to go in the in-holes and come out the out-holes." "But gay guys, they put stuff in the out-holes." "Wait." "So is your mouth an in-hole?" "Right. 'Cause you put burgers in it and brew." "Unless you're sick, and puke." "Then it's an out-hole, so it's wrong." "Guys, come on!" "Hustle!" "You'll be late for class." "Let's go!" "What's going on?" "Mr." "Brackett, could you excuse us?" "Why?" "Mike's being a jerk." "No." "Just until we're dressed and ready." "This has nothing to do with the Oscars and Cameron Drake does it?" "No." "Come on." "What is it, then?" "It's just, before the Oscars it was different." "I mean, you weren't..." "I wasn't what?" "Famous." "You guys." "Peter Malloy, network." "No." "No more interviews." "I have nothing to say." "I have no comments." "I have no thoughts on gay marriage I did not see "The Birdcage"." "I'm trying to have my dinner." "Of course." "I'm sorry." "You should be." "What are you sitting down for?" "You people." "Have some decency." "You've been hounding me all day." "At my school, at my home." "You should be ashamed of yourselves." "I am." "Those leeches." "They have no right to pry into your life." "They're sleazy." "I don't know." "I kinda like that Barbara Walters." "Did Barbara call you?" "No." "Howard." "Howard!" "No!" "Howard." "Leave me alone, you smut peddler!" "You professional gossip with a permanent tan!" "Will you get real?" "Look at me." "Why?" "Sure, I look great, but my ratings." "Everyone wants to talk to Diane Sawyer or Joan Lunden." "My network's killing me." "They want me blond." "With your coloring?" "All those reporters, after today, they're gone." "They got their story." "But I care." "I am doing a full week." "A week?" "No." "You can't." "But I have to." "It's too good." "No." "I have classes to teach." "I'm getting married." "I'll be there." "No." "I'll kill you." "But it's classic." "Sex, a small town, and a movie star." "Why can't you see that?" ""Howard Brackett:" "In and out"." "My God." "You are pure television." "Stop it." "Good night." "Guys, remember..." "I got that." "Thanks." "Don't say nothing about the Oscars or Cameron Drake." "I think he's coming." "He's here!" "Yeah!" "Yeah, baby!" "Are we gonna have a bachelor party?" "Yes!" "We gonna get down and dirty?" "Yes!" "Disgustingly puking?" "Yeah!" "We've been working on this for weeks." "We got all your favorite stuff, everything you love!" "Hit me!" "Here, Howard." "What are we talking about, triple X?" "Little Oral Annie?" "Traci Lords?" "Lay some adult video on me." "We got it... uncut." ""Funny Girl"!" "Yeah!" ""Funny Girl"?" "Yeah." "I don't believe this." "Barbra Streisand?" "You had that film festival last year." "You made us watch all her movies." "It was fun." "Guys." "Guys, I'm truly offended." "Don't you see this is precisely the reason why Cameron Drake and half the civilized world think that I'm..." "you know." "No!" "No!" "You're a guy's guy!" "No, no." "I don't know how this got started but this is my goddamn bachelor party and I am not going to goddamn watch pardon my split infinitive..." ""Funny Girl"!" "Me, neither." "I hate that crap." "Thank you." "You got "A Star is Born"?" "Sure." ""A Star is Born"?" "She looks bad in it." ""Yentl"." ""Yentl!"" "I'd watch it again." "I love "Yentl"!" "Yeah! "Papa, can you hear me?"" "Produced and directed." "Dudes, hombres, guys!" "I'm sorry." "I am truly offended." "I thought I knew you guys." "I thought you were studs." "I guess I thought wrong." "I'm outta here." "Howard." "Maybe he's right." ""Yentl" sucks." "What did you say?" "It sucks." "It's boring." "Say that again." "She was too old for "Yentl"!" "I guess you heard the latest story." "Michael Jackson getting married again." "Yes, it's true and this time he's made the perfect choice." "Howard Brackett." "Yes, Howard Brackett." "This is Peter Malloy with day two of "Howard Brackett:" "Will there be a wedding?"" "I'm with Aldo Hooper, Howard's barber." "Stylist... razor cuts, color, full blow dry." "That's very nice." "What do you think?" "Will there be a wedding?" "Howard is booked for Saturday." "A full styling." "I say yes." "Emmett Wilson, who has just delivered Howard's mail his intimate correspondence, letters to a legend." "Anything we should know?" "I can't reveal that." "I'm a postal employee." "Don't make him mad." "Of course he's getting married." "He's a man of his word." "Is this national?" "You bet." "Please, use your full zip codes." "Greenleaf High, cradle of crisis." "Howard's seniors..." "youth in the crossfire." "Tell us in your own innocent young words, is he gay?" "Oh, no." "He told us." "It was all this huge mistake." "It happened 'cause he likes poetry and uses a napkin." "Unlike some people." "What?" "Teens in turmoil." "And your message to America?" "Greenleaf rules!" "Yeah!" "Kids on the edge." "A community in chaos." "Indiana cries out." "Howard, can you hear?" "Howard, you got a minute?" "Howard your life, I mean, since since the Oscars, I can only imagine." "It's over now." "It's fine." "It's just fine." "It's all ancient history." "We do have graduation coming up Monday and you kind of put us right in the spotlight." "I'm so sorry, Tom." "I'd be less than honest if I didn't tell you that I've gotten some calls from parents wondering if, in fact, you were a ho... ho h-ho... h-ho..." "Home room teacher?" "Homo-homosexual." "Tom, do I look like a homosexual?" "Would you walk for me?" "Excuse me." "Howard?" "Yes." "Do you enjoy teaching?" "No, I don't enjoy it." "You don't?" "No, I love it." "It's my life." "Then you'd miss it?" "Are you threatening me?" "No, no." "I'm your friend." "Friends don't threaten." "No, they don't." "Friends warn." "And you you are getting married, aren't you?" "But are you saying that if I weren't getting married, I'd be fired?" "But that's not an issue, is it?" "No." "Best wishes." "Hi." "Bless you, my son." "Thank you." "Would you like to tell me your sins?" "Yes." "First of all, I'm not Catholic." "Then why are you here?" "I have a friend who's Catholic, and he's very busy." "Aren't you helpful?" "What are his, you know, sins?" "Your friend's?" "He's a plumber, and he's about to be married." "He's been engaged for 3 years." "Caution is a virtue." "Yeah, but everyone's..." "Everyone's saying something about him that isn't true." "It's not a bad thing, but he isn't that thing." "Which thing are people saying about him?" "That..." "That he's gay." "That he's what?" "That he's gay." "Oh, my." "Yeah." "That's rather like that fellow on the Oscars." "That Howard Brackett from over at Greenleaf." "It's not him." "It's a different guy." "What is it he wants to know?" "He wants to know what he should do." "What is the right thing?" "He needs to know..." "His mother's planning this huge wedding with the whole town, and it's her whole life." "It's gonna be beautiful but he doesn't want to leave this town." "He has this wonderful fiancee who's sweet and thin and he just has never had a physical relationship with her." "Never?" "In 3 years?" "He respects her." "He's gay." "No, he's not." "Yes, he is." "No, he can't... no." "Then he must go to her." "He's got to find out." "He must be, you know, be with her." "Huh?" "Really?" "Before the wedding?" "Godspeed, my son." "Let's do Michael." "Emily!" "Howard." "Emily." "Howard." "Howard." "We're getting married." "We are." "Of course we're..." "I'm glad we're getting married." "Howard!" "Who's gay, huh?" "Howard." "Howard, what is all this?" "I'm sorry." "I'm under a lot of pressure." "Could you turn him off?" "Howard." "Howard, I love you." "I'm not worried." "You don't understand." "Of course I do." "Look at your life." "The Oscars, the press." "It's no wonder you're going crazy." "It doesn't matter." "Why not?" "Because I love you, and we're getting married." "You still want that, Howard, don't you?" "That's why I transformed myself, isn't it?" "You want me to start eating again?" "No!" "I can, Howard!" "I'm very fragile!" "I love you." "My God!" "Howard!" "Howard, you ok?" "No." "No, I'm not ok." "I've never been so not ok in my life." "I tried to stop." "One week ago, I was fine." "I was perfect." "I want my life back!" "That is not going to happen." "Your life has changed." "But why is this happening?" "I haven't changed." "One little word and everybody changes." "I'm still the same person." "Why doesn't anyone believe me?" "This town is crazy about you." "I've talked to everyone." "Stop!" "That's the problem!" "It's you!" "You're trying to turn me into a story into something juicy for your show!" "I am not a sound byte!" "I'm..." "look, I'm..." "I'm hurting the people I care about." "My students, my family, Emily." "I love Emily!" "Then think about what you're doing to her." "Will you..." "You're like talking to..." "Why am I talking to you?" "You couldn't possibly understand what this is like!" "Howard, I'm gay." "You're what?" "I'm gay." "I came out." "To whom?" "To everyone." "My folks, my boss, my dog." "One day, I just snapped." "I just got tired of switching pronouns and remembering to lower my voice and I couldn't take lying to the people that I love." "Does that sound familiar?" "No." "So I just said, "Mom, Dad, Sparky, I'm gay"." "What happened?" "My mom cried for exactly 10", my boss said, "Who cares?" and my dad said, "But you're so tall"." "Everyone surprised me once I let them once I trusted them." "Sometimes the worst thing you think can happen turns out to be the best thing." "For you." "For anyone." "But I'm not gay!" "What was Streisand's 8th album?" ""Color me, Barbra"." "Stud." "Everyone knows that!" "Everyone where?" "The Little Gay Bar on the Prairie?" "You know what you need?" "I need a wedding!" "I need..." "You kissed me." "You noticed." "This is not Los Angeles." "People don't kiss in Greenleaf?" "Not at an intersection!" "Stop." "Hello, sweetheart!" "Mom!" "Dad!" "Hi." "Look, it's the cake." "Yeah, well..." "Everything ok there?" "Fine." "This is my Peter... friend Peter." "We ran into each other at the intersexual." "Homosection... intersection." "I gotta go." "It's that fella from TV." "Thank you." "If you're Howard's buddy, I hope you come to the wedding." "The wedding." "That's right." "Sunday morning, 9:00 a. m." "Gotta go prepare myself." "It's formal, you know?" "Welcome to our series on exploring your masculinity." "This is audio tape number one..." ""Getting a Grip"." "Are you dressed in suitably masculine attire?" "Very." "Are you in control?" "Yes." "Are you ready to take charge?" "Are you a man?" "Yes!" "Stand up." "Stand straight and tall." "Excuse me, are we a little teapot?" "Untuck your shirt." "Just one side." "You hate this, don't you?" "Look at it!" "You want to be neat." "You want to be tidy." "Adjust yourself." "Not there." "The package, sissy man." "The family jewels." "Grab 'em." "You're in a barroom." "Ok." "Repeat after me." ""Yo"." "Yo!" ""Hot damn"." "Hot damn!" ""What a fabulous window treatment"." "What a fabulous..." "That was a trick." "Damn!" "We've come to the most critical area of masculine behavior." "What?" "Dancing." "# At first I was afraid I was petrified." "Dancing." "Truly manly men do not dance." "Come on!" "Under any circumstances." "This will be your ultimate test." "At all costs avoid rhythm, grace and pleasure." "Whatever you do, do not dance." "I won't!" "Can you hear it?" "Yes." "Can you hear the demon?" ""Dance" the demon whispers." "Everyone else is dancing." "They're getting down." "They're getting funky now." "They're having fun!" "Not you!" "No." "Catch the fever." "Feel the heat of the disco beat." "It's calling to you." "Do not listen!" "Men do not dance." "They work, they drink, they have bad backs." "They do not dance." "Hold still." "Hold tight." "Whatever you do, do not dance!" "What are you doing?" "Stop dancing, you big ballerina!" "Stop waving those hands!" "Aren't you listening, you pantywaist?" "Stop it!" "Stop shaking that booty!" "Be a man!" "Kick someone!" "Punch someone!" "Bite someone's ear!" "Stop it!" "Get a grip!" "Think about John Wayne." "Arnold Schwarzenegger." "Arnold doesn't dance!" "He can barely walk." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Just stop dancing!" "So how did you do, pussy boy?" "Is it all right?" "Is my veil crooked?" "It's perfect." "You're everything I've ever dreamed of for a wedding and more." "Do you have an attorney?" "Hush." "You're radiant, dear." "I just can't believe it." "It's really happening." "My life." "After all those years, it's starting." "My mom says it won't last." "Your mom is an alcoholic." "That's terrible!" "Son, you need some help?" "No, I'm fine, it's just that the dry cleaners left a shine on my trousers and my right lapel is slightly bent and the laundry did not use enough starch in my shirt front." "I mean, where are we, the Ukraine?" "How can I get married if I look like a hobo?" "Howard." "I'm coming, Dad." "One minute." "There he is." "What a joyous morning." "What a perfect day." "What a gloriously splendid occasion." "Dearly, dearly beloved we are gathered here to join this wonderful couple in the state of holiest matrimony before the eyes of God." "Before we begin the vows is there anyone present who knows of a reason why this couple should not be joined in holy wedlock?" "Very good." "Because let us remember a marriage is truly a blessed event." "It must be a union based on deepest love total kinship and absolute honesty." "Let us begin." "Do you, Emily, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold till death do you part?" "I do." "And do you, Howard, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold till death do you part?" "I'm gay." "Pardon?" "I'm..." "I'm gay." "You're what?" "He's gay." "I heard him!" "Everyone, everyone." "What Howard meant to say was, he's having a wonderful day." "Mom..." "Dad..." "I'm gay." "75 pounds..." "I lost 75 pounds." "I'm horrible person and you have every right to hate me." "You should hate me." "I want you to hate me." "I insist that you hate me!" "I'm scum, I'm garbage, I'm vermin and I'm sorry." "You're sorry?" "After I..." "I wait for you for..." "No!" "No!" "Not just three years my entire life!" "After I plan my future around our wedding?" "After I base my entire concept of self-esteem on the fact that you're willing to marry me?" "And you're sorry?" "I'm sorry." "Thank God my parents are dead!" "This would've killed them!" "Are you..." "Are you really gay?" "Was... there any other time you might've told me this?" "I'm wearing a wedding dress which you picked out!" "I highlighted my hair because you said I needed shimmer!" "I loved you and believed you and pretended not to notice the Streisand thing." "I thought you were just creative." "I thought you were just smarter than me and more sensitive and more interesting." "I thought you were the most wonderful man who ever lived." "I thought you could just change my life and show me the whole world and teach me about art and life and magic." "I thought you could make me feel like a beautiful woman instead of the girl nobody wanted." "Oh, no." "Emily." "But... but..." "Emily." "Does anybody here know how many times I've had to watch "Funny Lady"?" "It was a sequel." "She was under contract." "Fuck Barbra Streisand!" "And you!" "Emily!" "Emily." "Howard, you did it!" "I'm so proud of you." "Congratulations." "Congratulations?" "I just destroyed Emily's life!" "I killed her!" "You saved her life." "I don't believe it." "I just came out at my wedding!" "In front of everybody!" "My family, my friends, my mom, my dad..." "Look at my hand." "It was fantastic!" "It was a nightmare!" "I just demolished my mother's dream wedding!" "I'm..." "I'm..." "I'm a monster!" "I'm..." "I'm a lunatic." "You're a hero, and I've got great footage!" "I got the whole thing!" "Is this about footage?" "I'll give you your headline." "Howard Brackett is a big homo, queer, Mary, sissy man." "He just came out at his big church wedding!" "Martha Stewart is furious!" "There." "Is that what you want?" "That was great stuff." "No." "Tell him I really appreciate the offer but I just don't think I'm right for it." "This is Peter Malloy for Inside Entertainment." "I'm standing in front of Greenleaf's First Methodist Church where Howard Brackett has boldly declared "I don't"." "Cam!" "Come look at this!" "Brackett, outted by Cameron Drake at the Oscars today, to the amazement of family and friends outted himself at his own wedding." "You can imagine the fireworks." "He's been besieged by the media, his job may be in jeopardy and as for his fiancee fellow English teacher Emily Montgomery well, who knows?" "Miss Montgomery?" "But the real question is, where is Cameron Drake?" "This is Peter Malloy for Inside Entertainment." "We got to get outta here." "Cam?" "We got to go." "Go where?" "Greenleaf..." "because of what I said." "I got to see what's going on." "I got to do something." "But I promised Isaac I'd do his show." "The new collection is this afternoon." "I have to shower and vomit." "Man!" "At his wedding." "Poor Miss Montgomery." "So I guess Mr. Brackett's really like that Cameron said." "And you hung out with him." "He drove you to that college interview." "Didn't you, like, stay over somewhere?" "But nothing happened." "I don't even know the guy..." "not anymore." "Excuse me." "You don't know the guy?" "He only got you into college." "Just last week, he was your total hero." "That was last week." "Guys, we had a gay teacher all year." "We have to face that..." "and move on with our lives." "What are you talking about?" "Kids, how was the wedding?" "Fine!" "I can understand about Howard being gay but I will never understand as long as I live, as God is my witness how could he not want a wedding?" "Oh, sweetie, it's not your fault." "You have two boys." "You fed them, raised them, and loved them the same." "And one of them is gay." "And the other one is..." "Walter." "Howard was just being honest clearing the air before he made a real mess." "What's wrong with that?" "What are we all so afraid of?" "What do we think will happen if we all just spill the beans?" "I don't know." "All right." "I'll start." "My Rice Drispie treats that I made for the reception they're not my recipe." "It's Harriet Carter's." "After she died from that massive embolism a lie was born." "These are a dead woman's treats." "All right." "I'll say it right out loud." "I hated "The Bridges of Madison County"." "My husband has three testicles." "Bob?" "It's disgusting." "I love this." "Howard?" "So?" "So." "Are you still gay?" "Yep." "Are you going to have an operation?" "Excuse me?" "Will you be going into show business?" "Absolutely." "Vegas." "I'm making an effort here." "I know, Dad." "I'm a farmer." "Your mother asked me to come." "She's worried about you." "She's afraid you're not eating." "She sent you this." "What is it?" "Wedding cake." "She's diabolical." "She's insane." "Will we be seeing you at the graduation tomorrow?" "I got a call after the wedding..." "or after there was no wedding." "They fired me." "You taught those kids." "If you're not there, what are they going to think?" "I don't know." "That Barbra Streisand, did she do something to you?" "Dad." "Thank you." "Cam." "Cam!" "Cameron, where are we?" "I told you." "It's a motel." "You don't seem to realize." "I am a supermodel." "I am Sonya!" "And I'm in a motel in Greenblatt?" "Greenleaf." "This is where I grew up." "I don't care!" "Sonya, we're here to help someone." "For once, we're gonna think about something besides our careers and our hair." "We're gonna help Mr. Brackett, if I can find him." "Cam!" "Cam." "Where are you going?" "Cam." "You can't leave me here." "There's a diner down the block." "Eat something." "I'm begging you." "You look like a swizzle stick." "It's unhealthy." "Food?" "I'm warning you." "I'm calling my agency." "Cam!" "Can I get a drink?" "What kind?" "Let's see." "What kind?" "Is vodka ok?" "That's right." "Straight up." "And some peanuts." "Lots of them." "I don't care about anything anymore." "What else have you got back there?" "I just want to eat." "I just want to gorge." "Thanks." "You're from TV." "Guilty." "You're that guy." "What are you doing here?" "Well..." "I am getting drunk." "I had a bad day..." "a very, very bad day." "Excuse me?" "You win." "I hate men." "Am I so repulsive that no man would want me?" "No!" "You're very attractive." "Howard didn't think so." "Howard didn't want me." "Listen to me." "This is Howard's problem, not yours." "He should've told you." "Years ago." "Ok?" "I love you." "You're nice." "I'm not nice." "I'm a hack." "I'm show business garbage." "Will you sleep with me?" "What?" "Three years!" "Oh, my God." "Three years of sunsets, long talks and loving support and friendship!" "God." "This is my wedding night!" "I'm there!" "I'm ready!" "This is a medical condition!" "Gee, thank you, but I can't." "You married?" "Seeing someone?" "I don't care!" "No, I..." "You're a man!" "I'm a woman!" "I'm gay." "Is everybody gay?" "Is this The Twilight Zone?" "Hi!" "Will you marry me?" "I have the dress, the plane tickets!" "I'm packed!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Please!" "Stop!" "You have to stop!" "It's an emergency!" "I need a heterosexual, code red!" "Miss, are you ok?" "Do you need help?" "No, no, no!" "I'm just beyond help!" "I'm just a grinch!" "I'm a jinx!" "Miss..." "Miss Montgomery?" "Cameron?" "Oh, my God." "Cameron?" "What happened to you?" "Well..." "Well, everything!" "You won the Oscar and you said Howard was gay and I didn't believe you, and I had no self-esteem!" "No, I..." "I mean your..." "Your body." "What happened?" "What happened?" "Well..." "I was fat!" "And I swore I'd become someone else tonight!" "Then I did, and now I'm more miserable than ever." "And I'm a mess, and I'm starving!" "But why?" "Why did you want to change?" "You were so beautiful." "I was?" "You still are." "You always were." "It's just skinny girls can be so annoying sometimes." "I mean, but you're not." "You're just like I remember you from after school." "You remember?" ""But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?" ""It is the east, and Juliet is the sun"." ""How camest thou hither?" ""Tell me..." "And wherefore?"" ""With love's light wings did I o'er perch these walls..." ""For stony limits cannot hold love in"." ""Out"." ""Cannot hold love out"." "I can't." "You're a student." "Not anymore." "I've seen all your movies." "Both of them?" "Kim, Karen, wait up!" "Let's go, it's starting!" "Is my cap on straight?" "Hey, Jack." "Hey..." "Mr. Brackett." "Big day." "Yeah." "I can't believe it." "Congratulations." "Yeah, thanks." "Jack!" "Come on, we're late!" "Good luck next year." "You, too." "Indiana State is lucky to have you." "# Hail to thee O Greenleaf High" "# 'Neath the Indiana sky" "# Through thy halls we spent our youth" "# Seeking knowledge learning truth" "# Like a friend who walks beside us" "# Greenleaf High will always guide us" "# We will love thee till we die" "# Hail to thee O Greenleaf High" "That song always reminds me of our our school motto..." "Studiare imparare partire." "Study learn leave." "Before we begin handing out diplomas, I have an announcement to make." "We've..." "Well, we've we've had quite a year, haven't we?" "But let's begin our ceremony on a high note." "We're awfully proud, of course, of our Oscar-winning graduate but today, we have another winner, if you will." "That's right." "Our teacher of the year." "And what do they say?" "May I have the envelope, please?" "The... the winner is..." "I get so nervous here." "Can you hear my heart beating?" "Seriously, though, ladies and gentlemen our brand-new teacher of the year Edward Kenrow." "No." "This is such a surprise." "Ed, Ed, Ed." "Thank you, Tom." "Hoosiers what is the definition of a Hoosier?" "Well..." "Mr. Kenrow?" "Excuse me?" "Mr. Kenrow, I guess I'm a recent Greenleaf graduate." "It's Cameron Drake!" "Cameron!" "It's Cameron!" "Please, please." "People!" "Can we have a little respect here?" "We have our teacher..." "our teacher of the year." "Guys, please, please." "Man, I am..." "I'm really sorry to interrupt graduation and everything." "I was looking for Mr. Brackett." "Hey, Mr. Brackett." "Cameron." "Weren't you up for teacher of the year?" "No." "Withdrawn." "Tom." "Ineligible." "Mr. Brackett is no longer an employee here." "What?" "Oh, why?" "What happened?" "He resigned..." "sadly." "It's fine." "It's all over and done." "Today belongs to the students." "This is for the kids, for the youngsters." "They canned him?" "Is this about the Oscars and the gay thing?" "No." "No." "No, no, no." "Then what is it?" "We... we felt..." "The... the community felt..." "that it was it was a question of..." "of influence." "I'm sorry." "I'm a little slow." "I was a C student, and now I'm an actor, so..." "Influence?" "I mean, it's all right to be this way or that way at home in... in your..." "in your private area arena... arena but Mr. Bracket, after all, is... was a teacher." "Oh, I see." "So you're thinking about the students?" "Yes, that's... that's what..." "that's what this is all about." "Ok, so..." "All right, so..." "Stay with me here." "So what you're saying is since Mr. Brackett's gay that he's going to send out some kind of voodoo vibes or gay microwaves and make everybody else gay?" "In a crude manner of speaking." "Well, seniors, you've all had Mr. Brackett." "Is that the way it works?" "Kids, you don't have to answer that question." "It's an inappropriate forum to discuss this." "This is still a graduation ceremony." "May I please finish my acceptance speech?" "Hoosiers what is the definition of a Hoosier?" "Well, way back in..." "Excuse me, I'm gay!" "Who said that?" "Jack." "I had Mr. Brackett for senior English." "He taught me Shakespeare." "He was my track coach and he also helped me get into college." "I just realized that what Mr. Halliwell said is right." "It must've rubbed off." "I'm gay." "This is exactly my point..." "a young life corrupted." "Thank you." "Very brave." "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Young lady?" "It's happening." "I had Mr. Brackett all year, and..." "Oh, my God, I'm gay!" "Excuse me?" "If there's something wrong with Mr. Brackett or Jack then there's something wrong with me." "I'm gay." "So am I." "She is not!" "I know you're not." "You're a tramp." "Mike!" "Michael." "Oh, man." "Stirgo." "All right." "I'm gay." "I'm a homo." "I like guys." "I still do it with chicks every chance I get and I'm totally good at it but I hate it and I'm gay." "Kids, kids, kids, please, please, sit down." "We're here to graduate." "I'm sure Mr. Brackett is gratified by your display." "Compassion is a wonderful quality, however misguided." "But as Howard very well knows, the decision is not yours." "It is a gonad thing." "A grown-up thing." "I have to answer to the community and as far as the community is concerned toward Howard Brackett, they have said, "No, no, no"." "Please sit down, and let's pass out diplomas." "Well, I'm a..." "I'm a member of the community and I don't mind that Howard's gay." "But you're his brother." "As... as you know." "So you know what that means?" "I must be gay." "But you're not a parent, are you?" "Excuse me, I'm a parent." "I've lived in this town all my life." "I'm Howard's father." "And I'm gay!" "I'm Howard's mother, and I'm very proud of him and I'm..." "I'm a lesbian." "Excuse me." "Hi." "I run the Bridal Barn for Better Brides and I can tell you Howard has perfect taste." "So do I, so, I'm gay." "I'm Howard's stylist, and I'm gay and I'm bald." "I deliver Howard's mail and everybody else's." "I'm a federal employee, and I'm gay!" "Fire Chief Fred Mooney and the volunteer fire brigade." "Howard has always been ready to lend a hand." "Gay!" "I'm gay." "I'm gay!" "I'm gay!" "I'm gay." "But he's not the teacher of the year!" "I am, and this belongs to me!" "Maybe Mr. Brackett deserves something else." "You ready?" "Nearly." "Very snappy." "Nervous?" "No." "Why should I be nervous?" "It's just a wedding." "I want everything to be perfect." "It will be." "Is your cameraman here?" "No, not today." "I'm not filming this." "There are some things more important than show biz." "Really." "Like what?" "I don't know, but didn't that sound good?" "Guys, we're starting." "Preacher's waiting." "What a truly special occasion." "What a joyous ceremony." "What an unusual couple." "Berniece, after 42 years do you still take Frank to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "I do." "And do you, Frank, take Berniece to be your lawfully wedded wife?" "I'd better." "I now pronounce your vows renewed for another 42 years." "You may kiss the bride."