"(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)" "MAN: (SINGING) Tell me, Doctor, where are we going this time?" "Is this the '50s" "Or 1999?" "All I wanted to do," "Was play my guitar and sing" "So take me away, I don't mind" "But you better promise me I'll be back in time" "Gotta get back in time" "I'll be back in time" "Gotta get back in time" "AUTOMATED VOICE:" "Activating broadcast." "Begin, Dr. Brown." "(DOC CHUCKLING)" "AUTOMATED VOICE:" "Dr. Brown?" "I'm down here." "I'll be with you in one micro-second." "(GROANING)" "Oh!" "That wrench slipped right out of my greasy hand." "Well, that's what I get for eating French fries while fixing the car." "Dr. Brown, it is time to commence transmission." "The transmission!" "Don't tell me that's damaged as well?" "Let me see... (EXCLAIMING)" "It's times like these when I wish the car had never been invented." "Of course, then I wouldn't have this time machine which allows me to go back to a time before the car was invented." "Like that one summer day when it was so extremely hot." "(GLASS SHATTERING)" "Man, those must be sugarless." "Verne, I distinctly forbade any more baked goods." "You'll spoil your supper." "(SLURPS)" "That stinks!" "Look out!" "Goodness sakes, Verne!" "Quite a harvest of prunes, Clara." "They're plums!" "It's just so dad-blamed hot out there." "Matched only by the temperature under your collar." "And look at that mess you've made on that ceiling!" "Just the grease from my magneto-sandals." "I'll clean up directly after installing this ozone-friendly Freon-free cooling unit." "I'm afraid it's already too late for my science project." "The egg in my "Which came first?" experiment is now hard-boiled." "(ROARING)" "Come on, hurry!" "Hurry!" "Come on!" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "Hurry!" "We must leave!" "(LAUGHING) All right, go for it!" "Ooh!" "(ROARS)" "(SCREAMING)" "(CRASHING)" "(CHICKEN CLUCKING)" "(INDISTINCT ARGUING)" "Great Scott!" "What's transpiring here?" "We're at each other's tracheas!" "Yeah, and next we'll be going for each other's throats." "Well, maybe if it weren't hot as the dickens!" "That's it!" "Mother has pinpointed the cause and the solution in one concise worn-out cliché!" "It's the heat!" "What we need is a little Christmas spirit." "And I know just where to get it!" "(SINGING) Here we come a-wassailing Among the leaves so green" "Here we go a-caroling" "(LIGHTNING CRACKLING)" "Not believing what we've seen" "Clothing conversion co-ordinates set." "(SHUTTER CLICKS) Oh!" "(SHUTTER CLICKS) Mmm." "Father, might I look after the automobile keys?" "I don't know." "I'm using Grandpa Clayton's watch fob as a key chain, Julie." "It's Jules." "And I wish to be regarded as a responsible member of the Brown family." "Ah, son, you seem to grow older even when we go back in time." "And I shall guard the keys with my life, Father." "Emmett, come look at the view." "Yes, it takes my respiration away." "(COUGHS)" "What do You think, Marty?" "Oh, I agree, Doc." "Totally awesome." "(SCREAMING)" "Whoa!" "Ooh!" "DOC:" "Where in the name of..." "ALL:" "Marty!" "There he is." "Is he hurt?" "Only his pride." "Father, observe the quaint mechanical play devices." "Cool!" "Why, they're colder than cool." "These gadgets are ingenious." "(GASPS) Holy bovine!" "(ROARS)" "I had a similar plaything when I was but a lad!" "I must achieve a closer gander." "Most nostalgic." "You like that one, do you?" "I always have." "But I just constructed it last week." "(GASPS)" "Jules, that punk stole the car keys!" "Great Scott!" "We better tell Dad." "No, this is my responsibility." "Halt, you juvenile miscreant!" "(BARKING)" "Jumpin' jingle bells!" "We'll return straightaway, Clara!" "Well, Fedgewick." "(CHUCKLES) Your time has run out." "(STAMMERING) But Mr. Tannen..." "Tannen?" "It figures." "Your mortgage payment is one hour late." "Hence, Ebiffnezer Tannen is foreclosing and sending you to debtor's prison!" "No!" "Well, well, what have we here?" "Leave her be!" "She's merely a customer!" "And a right comely one, too." "Don't touch me, you old buzzard!" "(YELPING)" "(GRUNTING)" "Take the wench as well." "Regard the scoundrel!" "He ascended 'yon rickety stairs." "MURDOCK:" "Hello, hello, hello." "(GASPING)" "And now it's times to says good-bye!" "JULES:" "Observe the bright side, brother, we have located the young ruffian who pilfered the DeLorean keys." "Big stinkin' deal." "(GRUNTS)" "Bloomin' ouch!" "Sorry, Murdock, they followed me here." "No bother." "We'll get rid of 'em same as the others." "I just hope me neighbors don't complains again about all the racket." "But, Murdock, they're just kids like me." "Perhaps they could earn their keep pickin' pockets." "No way, Jose." "Brother, it may be our only hope to recover the stolen keys." "Yes way, Jose." "I don't know." "You lads ever snitch anything befores?" "Uh..." "Cookies?" "The boys have disappeared without a trace element." "Hey, isn't this where we left Clara?" "For Petri's sake!" "Is this London or the Bermuda Triangle?" "(WOOFS)" "Well, of course I know it's a scientifically disproven concept." "I'm merely using it for rhetorical purposes." "DOC:" "Beg pardon, kind carolers." "But might you have knowledge of the toy shop owner's whereabouts?" "(SINGING) Although 'tis the Christmas season" "The Fedgewicks are all in prison" "The mortgage it was the reason" "Said old miser Tannen" "Tannen?" "But what of the beautiful female customer?" "That lady, she was arrested" "For Tannen, her mettle tested" "His hand on her cheek he rested" "And she punched his ticket" "What a spouse!" "And the boys?" "A thief picked the elder's pocket" "Chased off like a blazin' rocket" "The fob, he'll probably hock it" "Though we might be mistaken" "The keys to the DeLorean!" "I should have never given Jules that responsibility." "Any idea where we can find this pickpocket?" "And lose the tune, bub." "Okay, Mac." "His name's Reg and he hangs out at the Hogshead Tavern." "I must go after the boys myself." "You find out about Clara!" "I hope you know what you're doing, Doc." "WARDEN:" "All right, you lot." "Here we be in the Ebiffnezer Tannen wing." "(JAIL DOOR CREAKING)" "You're lucky, you got a semi-private room." "Nighty-night!" "So..." "Um, been here long?" "When I first come to this prison," "I was wrinkled," "I had no teeth and drooled a lot." "I was a baby!" "(LAUGHING)" "Oh, this must be the place, Einie." "(HOWLING)" "DOC:" "Tough customers, indeed." "We'd best be on our toes, those of us who have toes." "WILKENS:" "Hey!" "Move it!" "Move it!" "You're blockin' the target!" "Perhaps you can help me, my good fellow." "I doubt it." "(GROWLS)" "WILKENS:" "Oh, shove a sock in it, Crusher!" "Crusher?" "That's what he does to bones." "(GROWLS)" "Cease that, Einie." "Einie?" "Uh, that's what he sits on." "Ha!" "Ha!" "Now then, kind yet unkempt sir," "I'm seeking a young pickpocket with the moniker Reg." "Perhaps I might be able to help you after all." "MURDOCK:" "Ah, 'tis the poor man's department store, lads." "Wonderful selection of merchandise and all self-service, at that." "Here, give 'em a show, Reg." "Back in a jiff, mates." "Oh, that's first rate, Reggie me boy." "All right, Vernie, you're next." "Okay." "But under protest." "Here ya go, boss!" "(GRUNTS) Even for a first try, that stinks." "You're telling me." "Oh, what's this?" "Help!" "Police!" "What now, Mr. Murdock?" "Act casual, lad, but run like the March Hare!" "(WHISTLE BLOWING) Halt, you hooligans!" "Maybe we better turn ourselves in." "But we must retrieve those keys." "(MIMICKING JULES) "Please, Father, let me hold them." ""I'm all grown up now."" "(PANTING) Thanks, Jules!" "Hey, did you hear?" "The Queen just pardoned Clara Brown." "You can let her go." "Hold it, mate." "Her Majesty didn't pardon no Clara Brown." "Oh, then I'm not voting for her next election." "Only one who can release these poor souls is Ebiffnezer Tannen." "Does he let many people go?" "Let's see, in the last 25 years there's been, uh..." "None." "Looks like I'll have to fast-talk Tannen myself." "You're wastin' your time, boy." "That Tannen's a real Scrooge, he is." "He is." "Hmm, Scrooge." "Here, you boys scrub the floors while I lay down and rest me thinker." "Being the brains of this outfit is hard on the old noggin." "(GASPS) Ouch!" "Will you shut your silly gob!" "It's Wilkens!" "This bloke says he's a mate of Reggie's." "Reg!" "Yes, sir?" "Ever see this bloke befores?" "(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)" "He's a stranger to me, sir." "Then he must be a ruddy copper." "A copper?" "Heavens to Kepler, no!" "Well, whoever you is, you're here to stay!" "(GULPS)" "MARTY: (MIMICKING GHOST) Ebiffnezer..." "Who's there?" "Who's there, I say!" "MARTY:" "Ebiffnezer Tannen... (SCREAMING)" "I am the ghost of Christmas!" "Uh, past, present or future?" "Uh, all of the above." "I'm here to save your soul." "Come on, big guy, let's bail!" "(SCREAMING)" "MARTY:" "Please keep your hands and arms inside at all times." "(SNORING)" "(SNORING)" "(SNORING)" "Pipe down." "Ouch." "Hey, Reg." "Yeah?" "How come your dad makes you sleep on the floor?" "Ha!" "Murdock ain't me old man." "Matter of fact, I ain't sure I even got one." "But Murdock takes care of you." "Doesn't he?" "Ah, Murdock just feeds me and provides a roof, as long as I keep stealing watches for him." "But, that's against the law." "Yeah, I know." "But it beats starvin' or slaving' away in some juvenile workhouse." "Here's our first stop, Ebiffnezer." "A workhouse." "Children are actually laboring on Christmas eve." "Really gets to you, doesn't it?" "(SOBBING)" "No." "I just remembered a little eight year old who owes me sixpence!" "This may be harder than I thought." "Reginald, how would you like to remove yourself from this wretched place?" "Well, that's a ducky thought." "Why not make me the King of England as well." "If you were to help us recover the stolen keys... (SNORING)" "You're so stinkin' lucky, Jules." "Hush, Verne." "We must be extremely quiet." "Ow!" "(YELLING) Father!" "I'm seein' more stars than Galileo!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Ahhh!" "Ouch!" "MURDOCK:" "The kiddies and the copper is gettin' aways!" "Ouch!" "We got to find a taller hideout!" "Dinner in a spiffy, me dears." "Hey now, check this out, Ebiffnezer." "No proper home, and dinner is a few chestnuts." "(STRUGGLING) Ebiffnezer?" "Gimme them nuts!" "You made me hungry!" "Hey!" "Hey, Tannen!" "Chill out!" "(SCREAMING)" "'Twas an angel!" "Some angel!" "He strewn me nuts all over!" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)" "The Hogshead!" "Follow me!" "Sorry, dearies, but we're closed." "This should cover the damage I'm about to cause!" "Here, your shoes better be clean as a whistle!" "You four wait by the back door." "I just blooming' swept, you filthy-footed hooligans!" "Now, where in blazes did they get to?" "DOC:" "Excuse me, Mr. Wilkens, are you by any chance familiar with Newton's first law of motion?" "WILKENS:" "I don't pay much attention to laws myself, copper." "A body at rest will remain at rest, but a body in motion will remain in motion." "(EXCLAIMING)" "Unless, of course, said body is acted upon by an outside force." "Blimey!" "Murdock and Wilkens!" "Wrapped up all Christmas gift-like, they are!" "All right, you!" "I want them walls and ceiling scrubbed till they sparkle!" "Oh, I give up, Tannen." "I've shown you stuff that would make the Terminator cry." "You're just not normal!" "Mercy me!" "What is this?" "(STAMMERING) Oh, that's just the..." "Uh, that's just what happens to people who live wicked lives such as yourself." "It's a total bummer." "Christmas ghost, I beg of thee, save me from this awful fate!" "Promise to free everyone from debtor's prison and clear all debts?" "Indeed, I do so swear!" "MAN:" "I'm free!" "WOMAN:" "We're free!" "(INDISTINCT CLAMORING)" "(SINGING) I heard the bells on Christmas day" "Their old, familiar carols play" "Mr. Tannen?" "I vow to right all my terrible wrongs!" "And call me Eb!" "(LAUGHING)" "DOC:" "Friends and family, this is the bestest Christmas ever." "ALL:" "Hear, hear!" "Especially considering that it's July." "And I want to thank you, kind sir, for introducing us to Reggie." "Not a bad present, a brand new family." "DOC:" "Actually, it was Jules and Verne's idea." "VERNE:" "And we figured he can work in the store instead of pick-pocketing." "(GROWLING)" "Boys, when it comes to things that count, you're definitely all grown up!" "Happiest of holidays!" "Anyone care for a fine Christmas goo..." "Uh..." "(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)" "How's it going, big guy?" "You're no Christmas spirit!" "Eh, well, not technically." "I'll cook your goose for this!" "(SCREAMING)" "(SINGING) Do tell, it is figgy pudding" "He fell in the figgy pudding" "The smell of the figgy pudding" "And I hates it!" "CAROLERS: (SINGING) We wish you a Merry Christmas" "We wish you a Merry Christmas" "We wish you a Merry Christmas... (SINGING) And a Happy New Year" "VERNE:" "You mean "Happy Old Year." It's 1845!" "DOC:" "Not for long!" "AUTOMATED VOICE:" "Dr. Brown, science journal entry is now proceeding." "(DOC GROANING)" "(SIGHS) London." "Every summer we still return to spend Christmas with our friends." "And Reg is getting along tip-top since giving up his days of pick-pocketing." "Stealing is an unfortunate human characteristic." "You don't see that kind of behavior in the world of physics." "There's no stealing energy." "Don't believe me?" "Access video-encyclopedia section P, for pendulum." "AUTOMATED VOICE:" "Section P." "Entry, pendulum." "DOC:" "This bowling ball pendulum will demonstrate the difference between potential energy and kinetic energy." "When the pendulum is pulled back like this, that's potential energy." "But when we let go of the pendulum, that's called kinetic energy." "It's a law of physics that kinetic energy will never exceed potential energy." "In other words, it's not possible for one of these energy forms to steal from the other." "Let's hope not for this guy's sake." "Here goes!" "Ooh, that was a close one." "Let's see that again!" "Wow!" "It just goes to show, physics' laws are strict." "You can't steal energy." "Kinetic energy, while the energy of motion..." "AUTOMATED VOICE:" "Dr. Brown, time has expired." "Oh, well." "That's the brakes." "No, wait, that's a clutch, whatever." "Thus concludes our notations regarding energy." "Whoa!" "I think I overextended myself this time!" "Good thing this is a stretched DeLorean." "At any rate, I'll see you in the future!" "CAROLERS: (SINGING) We wish you a Merry Christmas" "We wish you a Merry Christmas" "We wish you a Merry Christmas" "DOC: (SINGING) And a Happy New Year" "Hiya, little squirts, Santa Claus here." "So tell me, what does old St. Nick do in his vegetable patch?" "Hoe!" "Hoe!" "Hoe!" "(LAUGHING)" "Hey, you little crook." "This tomato came from my garden." "(GRUNTING)" "Bah, Humbug, then." "(CRASHING)"