"Junior, hey." "Jimmy, how you doing, kid?" "How many of these things we gotta go to?" "Filone's mom at the kid's funeral, the way she carried on." "Fucking manners." "I want you to know I always thought you had that right too." "You know?" "Jimmy, let me tell you something." "Don't worry about what I know." "I was just over to Tony's house." "Oh, yeah?" "How was he?" "He looked tired." "Maybe he's got hypoglycemia." " Maybe he's depressed." " What's he depressed about?" "He talked to me about it." " Depression?" " Well..." "What do you know about depression?" "Nothing, but he sleeps all the time, he's not taking care of himself..." "Top guys have dark moods." "Winston Churchill drank a quart of brandy before breakfast." "And Napoleon, he was a moody fuck too." "Am I nuts?" "A day at the mall in mules and I'll be crippled for life." "I told Lilliana to put some giambotto in the microwave for you." "How are you fixed for sweat socks?" "We'll be by the Sports Authority." "Tony?" "I know you're in there!" "I know you hear me!" "Will you let me sleep?" "Does your therapist know about this?" "Maybe you need more medication." "She's got me on lithium and Prozac." "What else?" "Aromatherapy, something." "This is not normal for a healthy adult male to take to bed like this." "I got a lot on my mind." "Oh, really?" "Well, move over, then." "Those indictments are hanging over my head too." "Plus I got the roots in the pipe to the street." "My best friend, Pussy, has disappeared." "He's probably fucking dead, okay?" "This downturn started long before Pussy Bompensiero disappeared." "If you want me, I will be at the Paramus Mall getting your son a suit to wear to his first formal." "Carmela, come on!" "Sunlight is good for people." "In Alaska, they wear little light hats so they don't get depressed." "Sorry, Junior." "The Jackson Street Bridge was up." "If you say you'll be someplace be someplace!" "Sorry." "Junior, you all right?" "Pork-chop boy was here." "That fucking Altieri!" "Running his mouth about the Brendan Filone hit." "Is that what him and my capos talk about behind my back?" "The meeting's adjourned at the Green Grove." "Chucky and I spoke to Donnie P., and the thing it's happening tomorrow." "That quick?" "Good." "Yeah." "Black guys." "It'll never lead back." "They got a pisciatoio in this place?" "Look at her like that." "Mariolina gave me my first hand job." "Me and Vincent Miniscalco in the alley behind the chicken market." "What am I saying at this poor woman's wake?" "I wanted to let you know so you don't worry." "Everything's taken care of about Tony." "When I was a little kid like that I always used to wonder why nobody collected prayer cards like they collect baseball cards." "Thousands of bucks for Honus Wagner and jack shit for Jesus." "It's going down at a newsstand by the medical center." "Where he spills his guts on some fucking shrink's carpet." "Junior, these guys are very, very good." "Donnie Paduana did time with them at Rahway." "And I was very specific." "He's not gonna suffer." "He'll have an open casket, I promise." "Enough!" "I don't want to hear anymore!" "Jesus, Michael, if I delegate, I delegate." "Is that what time it is?" "There is absolutely nothing on the street about the big guy, anywhere." "I went to see his family." "Angela doesn't know shit, or she deserves an Academy fucking Award." "His goomar either." "I don't wanna hear no more talking about Pussy." "Mr. Tony, let me take that robe and wash it for you." "Did I ask you to take the robe?" "Jimmy Altieri was in the Bing." "Can't even look him in the face anymore." "If he's wired, it's doing jack shit because all we feed him is deliberate bullshit till we can, you know..." "Don't do nothing about Jimmy." "I don't even know if he's the guy that flipped." "I don't know nothing no more." "Pussy probably freaked out and he's lamming it, that's all." "How many times do I gotta say it?" " You want me to drive you somewhere?" " No." "I usually drive you." " I'm going downstairs." " What are you gonna do?" "I'm gonna get my pants out of the fucking drier, okay?" " Hello." " Hi." "Is this yours?" "I found it in the yard." "Oh, no." "Really?" "Thought the Cusamanos were away." "Yeah, they went in Bermuda to play golf." "You're from Italy, aren't you?" " My English is pitiful." " No." "You speak very good." "Your English is better than my Italian." "Principles of Oral Surgery?" "I'm a student." "I'm here as part of a exchange program between our two countries." "Boy, if my dentist looked like you I'd stay awake during a root canal." "All right I'll let you study." "Thank you for bring me..." "Come si dice "biancheria"?" "I don't know how to say in English." "Well, that makes two of us." "Bye." "That's him." "Remember, they don't want nothing above the neck." "Let's do it." "Whoa." "Doughnuts?" "No wonder he can't lose weight." "Where's he going now?" "Yo, sir?" " Excuse me." " What?" "Could you pull forward?" " Give me a minute." " Police department." "Where's your badge?" "I said move this piece of shit, now!" "Get the fuck out of my face." "We'll have to waste this motherfucker too?" "Let him get his doughnuts." "We'll pop him when he gets out." "Where's he going?" "See if he left his motherfucking keys in the car." "This is fucked up." "No." "No." "Jesus, you make a left at the stop sign." "You must be looking at us." "What are you, Ray Charles?" "Jesus Christ!" "How could it not have gone down?" "I know, Junior." "I'm sorry." "Some civilian got in the way." "Donnie will explain it to us." "I wanted it to be over." "I know." "Junior, mints?" "We've been fucking standing around here forever." "You don't think we got better things to do?" "What the fuck, man?" "They'll do it tomorrow." "My personal guarantee." "Let me tell you something, Donnie." "If they don't some hikers are gonna find your personal guarantee rolled up and shoved up your ass." "Mike, they got blocked in." "There were witnesses." " Tomorrow." " What did I just say?" "I already talked to them." "I realize it's urgent." "I heard Tony's own mother wants him popped." "Who the fuck told you that?" "I don't know." "It's just a joke." "You think that's funny, a guy's own mother?" "Okay, okay." "Tomorrow!" "Fucking A!" "All right." "I don't like it." "This fucking guy's big mouth." " No, he's okay." " I don't like it!" "Next they'll be making jokes about me." "Chucky!" "Tell him to wait a minute." "Yo, Donnie!" "Hold on a minute." "Hey, Donnie." "Sorry!" "Are you still taking the lithium?" "Lithium." "Prozac." "When's it gonna end?" "We're trying to give a jolt to your system." "Give it a little kick start." "Why not kick me in the head?" "What you're going through is very painful, I know that." "You get stabbed in the ribs, that's painful." "This shit, I don't feel nothing." "Nothing." "Dead." "Empty." "What else?" " What?" " What were you just thinking about?" "This gorgeous piece of cooz next door to Cusamano's." "She's staying there while they're away." "You do feel something?" "Don't split hairs with me because I've had it with you." "Like King Midas in reverse, everything I touch turns to shit." "I'm not a husband to my wife." "I'm not a father to my kids." "I'm not a friend to my friends." "I'm nothing." "I don't even know why I come here." "Nothing else to do." "Do you think it would help if you went someplace to rest up awhile?" " You mean like Vegas?" " No, not Vegas." " A place where you'd be looked after." " Like a hospital?" " With padded rooms and straitjackets?" " No." "No straitjackets." "A residential treatment center." "Any idea what my life would be worth if people knew I was in a laughing academy?" "Your life is boxing us in." "I'll take a gun and blow my head off." "If that's what you're saying, you should be hospitalized." "Oh, yeah?" "You get a couple of guys, come to my house, try it." "All right." "I'm gonna push the Prozac to 60 milligrams." "Sure, why not?" "Hey, is that you?" "Ciao!" "Look who's here." "I was just talking about you." "No kidding." "What are you doing here?" "Have the class in gum grafting alla scuola." "I just finish." "Let me ask you." "This sandwich, it says it's a "hero."" "Why do they call a sandwich "hero"?" " You don't want to eat that." " No?" "Come on." " What's your name?" " Isabella." "I'm Tony." " You never went in Italy." " No." "Why no?" "You don't want to go?" "I guess I just never got off my ass." "Excuse my French." "Your French?" "It's an expression." "And where are your people from?" "Wait a minute, don't tell me." " Avellino?" " How'd you know that?" "I didn't." "I guessed it." "You look like this guy from there." "He came after the earthquake to repair..." "How do you say the seat of the house?" "I love how you say that." ""Hearthquake."" "You are making a joke." "No." "No, I'm sorry." "Go ahead." "Fondamenta." "Do you understand?" "Fondamenta?" "Foundation." "Foundation, sì." "Foundation was cracked, and he repaired the stone." "My grandfather was a stonemason." "He was Avellinese, him and his brother." "You should visit Avellino if your family come from there." "There isn't too much left because of the many earthquake." "But from the 17th century, is still there a beautiful palazzo." "Palazzo della Dogana." "And there is a place in the corner of the piazza a wine bar." "You can sit." "You can see the hills." "And when is spring you can smell the blossom from the lemon trees." "And there is a church with a bell." "And they say when it rings, that means that a baby was conceived in the town." "Antonio." "Tony?" "Tony?" " Are you on medication?" " No." "No." "Tell me more about your dental studies." "I was interested mainly in tumors of the gum and the soft tissue of the mouth." "Yeah?" "Tumors of the gum, huh?" "Wow." "Dad, we're eating!" "Hold it, Ma." "Anthony?" " What does a gentleman do?" " In his own house?" "A girl's invited Anthony to his first formal." "Well, then?" "Okay?" "Thank you, young man." "Okay." "Tony!" "I told you your mother was coming for dinner." " Hi, Mom." " Well, look who's decided to join us." "And with that breath!" "You know, I really don't need that right now, Ma." "Aren't we being sensitive!" "Meadow, can you take some chicken and pass it, please?" " Where's Uncle Jun?" " He said he wasn't feeling well." "Did you know the average chicken's feet never touch the ground?" "That's dicked up." "If I was that young lady and you came and took me to that dance and used that kind of talk I'd slap your face!" "That's right, Ma." "Thank you." "Well, the whole world's gone crazy." "Some woman in Pennsylvania shot her children and set her house on fire." "Here we go." "How come my son's in a bathrobe?" "Is he sick?" " He's fine." " Dad, you're depressed." "Depressed?" "My father came to this country with seventeen cents in his pocket and he never made a peep." "Ma?" "What's he got to be depressed about?" "Nobody threw him into the glue factory and sold his house out from underneath him." "We agreed to sell your home." "I'm going back upstairs." "I was making a joke!" "I suppose it would be better if I never opened my mouth." "How can it be a joke if you're crying?" "This is really the last time." "I am never coming back to this house." "What a day!" "With this wind, huh?" "What you looking at?" "Nothing." "Who's she?" "Dental student, from Italy." "You know her?" "We had lunch." "Lunch?" "You fucking piece of shit." "Going to dinner with you is a distant memory for me but you have time to take her to lunch?" "You're sinking this whole family into your misery with your complaining while I spoon-feed you and bathe you!" "A half-inch of another woman's thigh gets you out of bed?" "What am I, a fucking idiot?" "If I had an ounce of self-respect, I would cut your dick off!" "I was there last night for dinner." "I couldn't go." "Those poor freaking kids." "They barely have a father now." "You should see him at the dinner table." " I don't want to know." " In his bathrobe at 7 p.m." "Some bargain." "That's all anyone should pay." "My cousin, Cakey, after his lobotomy, looked exactly like my son." " Livia." " Empty." "A shell." "Better Cakey die than live like that." "That's what his mother used to say." "Don't talk about it anymore." "Don't talk about Tony." "It's done." "Mr. Tony, Miss Carmela said to tell you she went to buy a suit for A.J." "Go away." "Okay, mister." "Miss Carmela told me to remind you of your appointment." "How you doing, Tony?" "Pick Six today?" "No, just an orange juice and a racing form today." " This wind, huh?" " Yeah." "Here you go." " Thanks." "Take care." " Okay." "Dead now, motherfucker!" "Oh, shit!" "Daddy!" "Where is he?" "Please let him be all right!" " They didn't say anything?" " They didn't." "Look who's here." "Is he all right?" "Jesus Christ, Tony!" "Your ear's all bloody!" "What'd they do to your ear?" "I'm putting in stitches to create a nice closure." "We were so scared." "They almost killed you for a car!" "Guess nobody told them about the gas mileage it gets." "It's not funny, Dad." "What's the matter?" "Forget how to talk because I got banged up?" " No." " He's just frightened, that's all." "Doctor needs to finish up here, ma'am." "All right." "Let's give the doctor some room." "See you later." " Poor Dad." " He'll be all right." "Christ!" "You can't wait until they finish sewing my ear back on?" "One inch to the left and you're in a drawer instead of talking to me." "Who's talking to you?" "What's he doing here?" "Agent Harris is just leaving." "We're offering your husband full immunity in return for his testimony." "Relocate you and your family, you'll be completely safe." "Don't talk to my wife." "He wouldn't have to go to jail?" "Carmela, ask this prick if I'm even indicted." "This assassination problem is not going to go away." "I told you to stop talking to my wife!" "Carmela, will you wait outside?" "Kiss my ass, Tony!" "We're your only option, Tony." "It's not safe for you anymore." " This conversation's over." " What do you know?" "He knows nothing." "It was a carjacking!" "Now get out of here!" "You're upsetting my wife!" "In case you change your mind." " You know he's right." " Nothing will happen." "Wake up, Tony!" "It already did!" "I took an oath, Carmela." "Are you a kid in a tree house?" "Did you tell anybody about me seeing Melfi?" "That's why they tried to kill you, because you see a psychiatrist?" "It was a carjacking!" "Have the decency not to lie to me." "What do you want to do, Carmela?" "Move to Utah?" "Be Mr. and Mrs. Mike Smith?" "We could sell Indian relics." "Maybe start a rattlesnake ranch." "This is our chance to get out, Tony." "We could start a whole new life." "Have some Mormons over to dinner." "Eat some tomatoes with no taste." "I want those kids to have a father." "They got one." "This one." "Me." "Tony Soprano." "And all that comes with it." "Oh, you prick!" "Good." "I can't go to that dance now either." "God, self-involved much?" " It's Uncle Silvio and Uncle Paulie." " Hey, squirt!" " They shot my dad." " He's all right, though, isn't he?" "Take more than a Jamaican bobsled team with cap guns to stop him." " Where is he?" " With Mom." "All right." "They look kind of weird." "I don't believe it was a carjacking." "Today in Montclair, Anthony Soprano who allegedly is a captain in the northern New Jersey Mafia was wounded in what he claims was an attempted carjack." "But sources in the FBI say it was a gangland execution gone awry." "Soprano escaped with minor wounds and was taken to an undisclosed hospital." "One of his assailants, William "Petite" Clayborn was killed in the attack." "Continuing now with..." "Is this true?" "Do you think they made it up?" "But how could this happen?" "I don't know." "I don't frigging know." "I feel like I'm floating in space." "He'll look for who did this." "Anthony?" "Of course he is!" " You understand what's going on?" " My son got shot and he got away!" "What do we do now?" "What the fuck do we do now, Livia?" " We go see him." " Tony?" "Of course!" "He's my only son." "Thanks, sweetheart." " We could use some peppers out here." " I'll get them." "Don't you have homework to do?" "I can't help too?" "Some fucking shit, huh?" "Tony!" "Jesus fucking Christ!" "Who do we blame for the hat?" "I was on Denny Najarian's boat." "Two shooters, and his piece was under the seat." " You believe it?" " Two girls from the 'hood, that's all." " Do we know who they are?" " The live one took off in a Taurus." " Taurus?" " Yeah." "Moolies in a new Taurus." "Doesn't exactly fit the profile." "Motherfuck!" "These guys I had a beef with at the newsstand." " You were there?" " The day before yesterday." "The newsstand?" "The one in Montclair?" "Yeah, I was in the neighborhood." "What were you doing there?" "Taking my mother to the doctor." "Hey, put it right there, baby." "Thank you." "This husband of yours, Carmela." "How much we love him." " He's the best." " Come on." "He's like a father to me." "Just make sure nothing happens to him." "I'll get it." "Come on." "All due respect, Tone it had to be your uncle, right?" "Well, why fucking now?" "Maybe he found out." "Found out what?" "That he's Joe Jerk-off, not the boss." "That you run things behind his back." "Anthony!" "Uncle Jun!" "Don't get up." "I heard your knee was fucked up." "Don't worry, I'm all right." " Your ear's disfigured." " It's all right." "Hi." "Mikey and my crew are cracking heads to find out who did this." "When we're done with them they're gonna wish they were never born." "Look who it is." "Father Intintola!" "I came as a friend." " How are you, Tony?" " All right." "If you'd like to speak privately we could kneel in prayer or..." "Not right now." "Why don't you grab a sandwich and we'll talk later." " You're sleeping over, right?" " Can I get you anything?" " Another sambuca?" " I'll get it." "I'll take a curaçao, if you got it." "I'll buy him one too." "No, that's all right." "No alcohol for me." "Can he hear through that ear?" "Ma, sit down." "Here you go." "Have something to eat." "Want some?" "Fuck, I thought it was him." "But there he is, glasses and all." "Don't eat capocollo, Grandma." "It's all fat." "Capocollo?" "Over here!" "Right there." "Who is that?" "Who?" " That girl." " Who, Meadow?" " Is that Concetta?" " It's your granddaughter." "Meadow?" "All right, don't get impatient." "I'm your mother!" "Did you hear?" "Dad fought off two black guys." "One got shot." "Why aren't you dressed for the dance?" " I can't go." " Why not?" "Don't you need me here?" "And disappoint the future Miss New Jersey?" "Mom was gonna drive." "She can't now." "You're gonna go." "I gotta know something." "And I want the truth." "Did you ever tell anybody about you and me?" "I may have mentioned to my family that I had a patient who was in trouble with something we were hearing about in the news." "I never mentioned a name or any other specifics that could identify you as that person." "My son's." "Does your family know?" "My mother's made a few comments." "But I don't see how she knows." "And even if she did..." "Don't even go there about the old lady." "You should've seen her at my house." "She was losing her mind." "How are you doing with all of this?" "I feel pretty good." " Really?" " Yeah." "Well, that's good." "Talk about a jolt to the system." "Try getting shot at." "It'll give you a nice kick start." "You know, when I was depressed I said I didn't want to live." "Well, I tell you something." "I didn't want to die." "Every fucking particle of my being was fighting to live." "I had lunch with that girl next door." "You did?" "Isabella." "She was telling me about Avellino, where my people are from." "It sounded nice." "Anyway, she was talking and then all of a sudden we went to another place, like in my mind's eye." "I don't know, we went back in time to, like, 1907 or something." "And we were in this room, me and her." "And she was holding a baby on her breast." "She was nursing it." "She was whispering to it, like, "It's okay, little baby." "Don't cry." "It's gonna be okay." "I love you."" "Did the baby have a name?" "She was calling it Antonio." "Anthony, your fantasy that's you, that little baby." "And Isabella, that she was nursing you." "Fuck me." "You think this is a stretch?" "Can we get some of that whiskey?" "Livia." "You don't knock?" "I could've been in the nude!" "What the hell is going on?" " See if my slipper is over there." " Fuck your slipper!" "I don't like that talk!" "What was that bullshit yesterday?" "You don't even recognize your granddaughter?" "I've been forgetting things lately." "You'll find that it'll happen to you soon too." "Terrific timing, after the move on your son is in the toilet!" "I don't know what you're talking about!" "Hey, Cuse!" "Cuse!" "How was Bermuda?" "Jeanie wrecked up a motorbike." "Hurt her ankle bad." " Oh, yeah?" "I'm sorry." " Thanks." "So where's your dental student?" "My what?" "Isabella." "Haven't seen her in a couple days." "Your houseguest, Isabella." "Dark hair, beautiful." "You don't know what I'm saying?" "Tony, I got no idea what you're saying." "You didn't have an Italian girl?" "She's here studying?" "We had Skippy Palumbo from down the street take care of the dog." "Never mind." "Forget it." "Joke." " I'll talk to you later." " All right." "You sure about this?" "You're not pulling my leg?" "What am I, an idiot?" "Of course I'm sure!" " You never...?" " No!" "I think I've said enough about it." "I never threatened to cut your dick off." " Hello?" " Yeah, it's your patient." "The one who's been involved in the news lately?" " I gotta talk to you." " What's wrong?" " There was no Isabella." " What?" "There was no Isabella." "I just talked to Cusamano he just got back from Bermuda." "I asked, "Where's the dental student?" He looked at me like I was pazzo." "But you said that your wife saw her, that you argued about it." "Yeah, I asked her about that." " And?" " You thought she was pissed then?" "You should see her now that I said it was a fantasy." "Discontinue the lithium." "I already flushed it." "Even if it was the medicine, this fantasy of yours has meaning." "You know, the issue of mother and child." "The Madonna." "You didn't see this broad." "Did you ever flirt or come on sexually with Isabella?" " No." " Why not?" "You said she was very beautiful and voluptuous." "Another question:" "Why now?" " What?" " Why the need for the fantasy of a loving woman now?" " I don't know." " Come in." "We can talk face to face." "I can't right now." "Your mother is always talking about infanticide." "It's a sad situation in the world." " Do you still feel okay?" " I feel pretty good, actually." "When I find out who shot at me, I'll feel even better."