"The river has turned hostile..." "Vrindavan India" "I was gifted to my husband when I was 5." "He died and I became a widow." "One by one my entire family died." "I'm still here." "There's nobody left to light the lamp." "Ours was a large family." "My heart breaks telling these stories." "I've passed my life like this." "We were together for 35 years and had ten children." "All of them died, except for three." "One is with me, where the others are, only God knows." "They are missing, I can't find them." "This is where I live now and when the call comes," "I'll go to the Lord." "Bhajan Ashram (Centre for Devotional Chanting)" "I was 11 years when I married." "My happiness ended when I became a widow at 60." "As a widow, I lived at home for a year and then came to Vrindavan." "After my husband passed away," "I gave the land to my grandson, the house to my daughter-in-law and the family temple to my son." "Why?" "Why did I give the temple to my son?" "Because he gambles and he would have ruined us." "That's the reason why." "He doesn't listen to me, he fights with me and doesn't follow the path of righteousness." "That's why I was upset and I told him : "I'll never see your face again."" "In Vrindavan, this is all that I do." "Day and night at the Bhajan Ashram chanting religious hymns, praying to the Gods." "There's nowhere to go." "There's nothing to take from anyone." "There's nothing to give to anyone." "I chant at the Bhajan Ashram four hours in the morning, four hours in the evening, for which I earn 6 rupees a day." "Sometimes we're given rice and lentils." "I have to make ends meet with 6 rupees." "Amar Bari Shelter for widows" "Dr. Mohini Giri Founder" " Amar Bari" "It's wonderful you've come, it's joyful." "But I have no strength left." "The jasmine was in full bloom" "When moonlight fell on it" "The jasmine told the moon" "I'm in love with you" "I came back earlier." "This is my garbage dump." "Are you from the city?" "Kolkata city?" "From the city, not a village." "My father died when I was a child." "My uncle in Kolkata raised me where the first iron plate was made, in Kalighat." "That's where I'm from." "Our address was number 1 J. B. Lane." "My uncle worked for the municipality." "He demolished unsafe buildings buildings which were hazardous to traffic below." "Any relatives in Vrindavan?" "No, I haven't looked." "I'm equal to a 100 people." "I don't go back home." "I left in a stupor for a widow there's nothing." "My family didn't want me to leave." "I have happiness wherever I go." "I'm happiness itself, my other name is happiness." "O' traveller you're lost in your dreams" "I didn't have a chance to talk to you" "In your song" "I hear the call" "Of your heart" "I never spoke to you" "In your song" "I hear the call" "Of your heart" "Now will I carry your memory" "It's the only worry I have" "It's a Rabindranath Tagore composition." "I can't sing anymore." "I'm old and can't stand for too long and sing." "When did you come to Amar Bari?" "No, I came to Vrindavan after my husband died." "I was young." "She was 35 when she came here." "Tea?" "Come and drink tea." "There was bloodshed and carnage." "At the time of Partition, we were slaughtered." "Didn't you see what they did?" "Don't you remember?" "My husband was shot in the head." "He was unlike others." "I couldn't bear the sight of him dying." "He was a hard worker." "He never complained." "It's my fate." "Look where I'm now." "I had my ponds." "What a life I had;" "my family, my home, my mango tree." "I had everything." "Huge ponds full of fish, so many coconut trees." "I left everything behind." "It's all over." "She beat me up." "I'm not lying." "She's gone mad." "God is watching all this." "I'm angry, I'll slaughter her." "Your father will turn in his grave." "I'll take revenge." "I'll chop your father like a sweet potato." "For a handful of rice." "For a mere handful of rice, they've been waiting since 4 in the morning, even in this cold weather, to satisfy their hunger." "Donors from Mumbai" "The disparity between the working women of Mumbai and the widows here is unnerving." "They exist in different worlds." "Why don't politicians, leaders, and the intellectual elite instead of just talking about it come and see the reality and do something about the terrible conditions here?" "Can they have some tea?" "Yes, go ahead." "Do you know anyone here?" "No." "Why did you come from Bengal?" "To sing devotional songs and eat." "Any children?" "None." "No husband, right?" "You're a widow?" "She's a widow." "Praise the Lord." "Move along." "Nobody in Vrindavan, whether it's a man or an animal, nobody goes hungry." "Why?" "It's the generosity of the Gods." "Many donors also come here." "Move on." "They beg and the wealthy donate." "They shouldn't, but what else can they do?" "It's now become a habit." "Like an alcoholic is addicted to drinking, widows are addicted to begging." "Usha Rai Journalist / Research Analyst" "Nadia District West Bengal" "Nabadweep Nadia District" "My 3 sons don't look after me." "Lord protect me." "Why don't they look after you?" "Ask God, only He knows." "Lord protect me." "Don't you live with them?" "No, I live on my own." "I have problems, God have pity on me." "I can't beg anymore." "I can barely walk." "I can barely see." "What should I do?" "I'm in trouble." "There's no one to look after me, they've ruined me." "Nobody gives me money." "I'm alone." "I can't live anymore." "O' Lord." "He's my husband." "She's like my sister." "He married me first, but I couldn't have children, so he married her." "She couldn't have children either." "Both of you have one husband?" "Yes, one husband." "Is he unwell?" "Yes, he's not well." "He's been bedridden for a long time." "For 8 years." "He used to sing devotional hymns." "And he was good at it." "I heard you were married when you were very young?" "No, I was the one." "I was only 9 years old." "I was brought here 1 2 years after he married her." "1 2 years, maybe 10" "Weren't you upset when he married her?" "No, I used to live in Kolkata, he kept her in Nabadweep." "But didn't you mind?" "No, I was too young to understand." "What was there to understand?" "she couldn't have children." "So he remarried." "Weren't you jealous?" "No." "We don't fight, we live like friends." "Both of you will be widows when he dies." "Will you live separately?" "No, we'll continue to live together." "Are you afraid?" "We're not afraid of becoming widows." "Yes, we have to accept old age." "What has to happen will happen." "A Board of Trustees controls this ashram." "A vast amount of money was initially deposited into the bank by them, but we only use the interest to run the ashram." "We never refuse the generosity of donors and we never touch the principal money." "The singing is over, it's almost over." "Now they'll give us cooked rice." "You're here just for the rice?" "Yes." "But also for singing." "Why are you here?" "Where else will I get food from?" "Your children don't feed you?" "No, they don't take care of us." "Do you think we'd come here if our sons looked after us?" "Once they get their wives, they forget us." "Why did you go to Vrindavan?" "Because my heart told me to." "I had to listen to my heart." "Let her continue with me, you don't talk now." "You went when your husband was alive?" "How could I go unless he took me?" "You cannot defy your husband." "Husband is supreme." "Husband is your guru." "So when did you go?" "10 years after his death." "My heart said :" ""There's a Vrindavan within everyone," ""one in me, one in you."" "I went to see if that was true." "Manager Bhajan Ashram, Nabadweep" "Why do widows leave their homes and families to be here?" "They have no such thing as a home and no such thing as a family." "Their loved ones have disowned them so some take shelter under a tree or on temple steps or the streets." "Their families desert them?" "Some leave their families for reasons we don't know." "But why go from Bengal to Vrindavan?" "Because Vrindavan is Lord Krishna's and Radha's divine playground and is believed to be heaven on earth." "Do widows come to this ashram to chant the Lord's name or for donations?" "Both reasons are true." "Some are motivated by greed and come for donations." "The poor come to escape from their lives and those seeking salvation come to chant the Lord's name." "Can I interrupt you?" "Why are most of the widows in Vrindavan from Nadia?" "Because they were helpless." "They weren't allowed to stay in their husband's home and there was nowhere else to go." "Why couldn't they stay?" "They would be ill-treated and tormented by their in-laws." "To escape this humiliation, they would go to Vrindavan." "Were they forced out?" "They would leave, because they were tortured." "Would they go to Vrindavan if they were happy at home?" "They become a burden, don't they?" "I have a wife and I'm earning." "If she becomes a widow, who will feed her?" "Gradually she'll become a burden." "Can't they find employment here?" "Yes, conditions have improved they're getting educated and can work." "A women's organisation is now established here." "These opportunities were not available before." "I work with the Shrima Women's Organisation, but if I could get a government job," "I wouldn't worry about my future." "I'd work everyday and by giving my son a worthy life, my problems will also be solved." "This is my dream." "My dream since childhood has been to educate my daughter." "That's been my goal in life." "I'm a farmer, I work in the paddy fields." "After my husband died, I remained with his family for 8 days." "For those 8 days I wept continuously." "Even though his family and I had a good relationship, it soured after his death." "After my son-in-law's death, their attitude wasn't good for her well-being." "They had stopped caring and I feared for her sanity." "I went to console them at their home, but they were busy scheming to keep her insurance money." "Sadly, they asked me to take her away." "If Sapna wasn't your daughter but your daughter-in-law, would your actions have been similar?" "I would've done my duty and kept her with me." "No girl foresees the death of her husband and returning to her parents home." "One cannot challenge fate." "Does one expect life to treat them harshly and unjustly?" "And what if she wants to remarry?" "Some young widows remarry, some don't." "The custom of remarriage exists." "It's not up to me, she's an adult, it's her decision." "I have no desire to marry again." "Don't I have a son to take care of?" "Right now he has an identity what would he be left with if I remarry?" "If you didn't have a child, would you consider remarrying?" "Most probably I would." "You see, a woman's life is like a flower." "When a flower has been offered to a god, the same flower can't be offered again." "Can it?" "It can't." "Similarly, once a woman has been offered to a man, you can't offer her to another man again and he cannot accept the offering." "If someone does so, it's an exception." "Men like me feel if a flower has been offered once, the same flower cannot be offered again." "Women's lives are like flowers." "So men are like Gods and women are flowers to be offered at their feet?" "What was your question again?" "What?" "Do you have a mother or a sister?" "Yes, I have." "And they're like flowers?" "I'm not talking about everybody, only other women." "A widower can remarry." "They don't have a label on their face." "Do they?" "No, they don't." "But by looking at a woman, you know whether she is married or she's a widow." "So widowers can marry again, but widows can't." "You heard what he said, and do you agree?" "I have nothing further to add." "But do you agree with what he said?" "Whatever he said was right." "Acharya Biswas and Disciples Nabadweep" "Snap your fingers." "I was a year and a half when I married." "I didn't even know whether I was married or not." "In our community there's a tradition of a bride and her younger sisters marrying at the same time." "My younger sister was placed on a platter and given in marriage." "She was 6 months old." "Bhilwara District Rajasthan" "My name is Lali Devi Dhakar." "I'm from a small village." "I was in grade 7 when my husband brought home another wife." "He died when I was 21." "After his death, his parents said my children were illegitimate." "Village women also called me a whore." "Lali's youngest daughter, he's the one who wanted her." "She has two children." "Her children should be my children." "Ginny Shrivastava Association of Strong Women Alone" "Women in mourning Indokia village, Rajasthan" "Widows of Jahajpur Chapter Association of Strong Women Alone" "I'm Ginny Shrivastava." "For 36 years I've lived in Udaipur, and from the beginning," "I've been with the Association of Strong Women Alone, and I've always aspired to empower women." "And even though society marginalizes widows." "Se shall merge with the mainstream." "Association of Strong Women Alone Training Centre" "Let me take you to a special place under the sky" "Where there's no sorrow" "No tears" "Where there's love and only love" "There's a special place under the sky" "Wedding celebrations Udaipur" "As a bride at my in-laws home," "I was ill-treated." "For them I was a servant and for my husband a toy to play with and nothing more." "Beating me was his pastime." "He used whatever he could lay his hands on - a sword, a stick." "My father didn't protect me either, so whom could I turn to?" "Abuse became a way of life, and the beatings continued." "My husband left me for 3 years." "Yet he returned to die in our home." "After his cremation," "I was made to sit like a rag-doll with my back to the family, so that nobody should see my face." "I had to defecate in the dark." "They covered me with a sheet without a fan in the summer heat." "I mourned in isolation for 12 days." "It rained for 3 days and the roof leaked." "I didn't know what to do." "Where could I take the children?" "I thought of ending my life, but had it not been for the children." "I would have killed myself." "I was hurting, but I had to live for the children." "My condition was unbearable." "If this is what God had in mind for women, he shouldn't have created us." "I'm not the only one to have suffered, but if a woman has no support," "God shouldn't give birth to her." "My mother said since I was a widow, if my brother's wife saw me, she too would become a widow." "I started hating the male race;" "my brother, my husband, even my father." "They're all men aren't they?" "Haven't they betrayed a woman?" "Haven't they betrayed our relationship?" "Those who chose not to be mine, how could I belong to them?" "Since then you've been my lifeline." "Today I have courage to face life." "I've reached greater heights." "and I'm no longer afraid of anyone anymore." "There's comfort here for those in sorrow." "I remember, when my husband passed away, at our organisation's meeting in Chittor," "the women gave me a red sari, red bangles, red bindi and ornaments for the feet." "And by their display of affection," "I was emotionally drawn to them, and my pain became less, because I no longer felt alone." "Being with all of you is essential for my life as well." "Be careful." "Don't worry I won't fall." "Greetings." "Are you well?" "Careful." "You lead the way." "I'll follow your footsteps." "Long live women of our organisation." "We've crossed seven oceans to be here." "When did your husband pass away?" "6 or maybe 3 years ago." "Tie the goats, and milk them." "Can he milk the cow?" "Yes." "If you can't then I will, and you make the tea." "No, I'll milk them." "He'll milk them." "Dhanno, what happened to you?" "It was terrible." "I was with my in-laws for 5-6 years, the suffering was ongoing." "They called me a witch." ""Kill her", they said." "Your husband was still alive?" "Yes, he was." "Both were beaten." "They called her a witch, so she left." "They beat your husband?" "Yes, because he hadn't thrown her out." "They wanted to kill me." "I was alone, and theirs was a large family." "Say it clearly - there were 4 brothers." "They grabbed your land." "They did." "Since the eldest brother had no sons, their uncle wanted my land transferred to my brother-in-law." "I didn't want to do that." "Everyday he would threaten us, everyday he would drink, everyday he would beat us." "I wanted to file a case." "They said : "If this whore goes to the police, we will kill her."" "Her brother-in-law threatened to smash her head and said that no matter who mediates be it her supporters or the government, he won't let her live." "Four of our sisters went to investigate." "They agreed that she had major problems, so all of us must support her." "Then, as a show of strength, we went in large numbers to her village, but all these sisters were hiding behind bushes." "They were afraid." "When a colleague and I rode up on a motorcycle, they came out of hiding." "I said to them :" ""Dhanno has been battered so often," ""let them beat me instead" ""after all she's our sister." "I'll lead from the front let them hit me first", but we have to move on." "After 2 days of protesting, we made sure she was given back her rights." "Kargil War Widows Complex New Delhi" "My husband was being transferred from Kashmir to Patiala within a week." "I was so happy at that time." "My suitcase was already packed." "We spoke on Sunday." "On Monday he died, and I was informed on Tuesday." "My expectations remained unfulfilled." "I have no strength to think further." "Only God can decide my future." "Our society often blames widows." "That's true and I was blamed." "I was repeatedly blamed for causing my husband's death." "Believe me," "I was too scared to use perfumed oil or comb my hair or wear colored clothes or use cream." "They had convinced me" "I'm nothing but a mere widow." "I actually believed I had sinned." "It's only when I came here," "I realised there were many other war widows." "If I was a sinner, were we all sinners then?" "What brought you here?" "Mainly because my in-laws had initiated a court case against me." "Also a month prior to my husband's death..." "Afroz Bano Kargil War Widow" "Indira Jaising Counsel for Afroz Bano" "There was talk of remarriage." "In fact, my mother wanted me to remarry into the same family, so that the compensation money remains within the family." "She proposed I marry my brother-in-law, but my mother-in-law said :" ""You've already killed one son, now you want the second one?"" "I've opened a parlour in my house." "I'm a beautician." "Meenu Kargil War Widow" "My children didn't know whether their father was alive or not." "They assumed he was out on duty." "Sometimes they would ask..." ""When will he come home?"" "I'd say : "As soon as he gets leave."" "As they grew older, they found out that their father had died." "My son wants to join the army just like his father." "I won't let that happen." "They don't even remember what he looked like, except through his photographs." "My son misses his father, and at times tells his friends he'll kill his father's killers." "War Widows Association New Delhi" "Why do you need to get married, we keep visiting you, don't we?" "But there's a difference between visiting me and staying with me." "We have TV's to spend our time on." "We've got telephones to talk to." "Thank God we have all that." "Aishwarya Mukherjee Student" " Raja Ram Mohan Roy College" "We have no opinions of widows." "Let your wife answer." "No, I don't have any opinion about widowhood." "No, we don't have any opinions for widows in India." "My kids." "Feed the children, I'm eating out." "The maid." "Yesterday, I was in Vrindavan." "I donated in the same place not in the temples of course." "It's pathetic." "I think you know, there's something wrong not in the culture, but in the women also." "Maybe they're not educated." "If they want to, there are so many things to do." "If you don't want to be living on alms," "I think you can." "But there is awareness." "If I go to Vrindavan, it's not a small town anymore." "There is access to net, there is access to television there." "Share the light." "There's no electricity." "The electricity's come." "Just one grape." "Holi" " Festival of Color Vrindavan" "River Ganga Varanasi" "She's been lying here for 3 months." "She has no family and no one to look after her." "A few of us take care of her." "We feed her and look after her well-being." "She's here to die, and after she dies, her final rites will be performed here." "There are 2 or 3 houses where widows come and wait to die ...Houses of Death where the last rites of the dead are performed." "Cremation Ghats Varanasi" "Can man create death?" "It was God's will that my husband died." "Nothing really happened." "He wasn't well, and he slowly died." "In those days there, were no doctors nearby." "We didn't have enough money to treat him." "He died, what could we do?" "I was very young when I married." "I was busy with household chores and before I knew it," "I had slowly become a woman." "I don't have many problems now." "Many come to this room." "I live among people, not alone in a jungle." "There are married women here." "They're like my daughters, they'll look after me, no?" "After you die who'll give you holy water?" "What's this fuss about holy water?" "I don't think about my last rites." "Maybe my friend here will do the last rites, someone or the other will." "You're not worried?" "No, I don't think of all this rubbish." "God will protect me." "If I die in front of you, won't you give me some holy water?" "Won't you?" "Help me out of this net." "Push it over your head." "Bless me." "Bless me, so my life ends peacefully." "I have nobody except my God." "O' traveller you're lost in your dreams" "I didn't have a chance to talk to you" "In your song" "I hear the call" "Of your heart" "I never spoke to you" "In your song" "I hear the call" "Of your heart" "How will I carry your memory?" "That is the only worry I have"