"That's the third myth." "Yeah." "Well, let's say there are two myths." "Now, the business is run by Jews." "And that's really my point." "If the business is run by Jews" "Yes." "Then why does rob lowe get $1 million a picture?" "Then why does rob lowe get $1 million a picture?" "You can't figure it out?" "And I have to open for Robert goulet at the Aladdin?" "I guess you're not in the inner circle." "You never figured that out." "No." "And if a business is run by Jews, why does Mickey Rourke get to make endless love to Kim basinger and I'm up for the part as the panicky rabbi who gets slapped around by George Kennedy in "airport '88"?" "I think of one of the original brilliant visionaries of modern humour." "Brilliant visionaries of modern humour." "He had a vision." "He had a statement." "He had a point of view." "He had a voice that was completely unique for the time." "When he did stand-up, he had this impish look, like, any minute, he was going to go off-script and tell you what he was really thinking." "Do you have anything to do with your average gentile now?" "Well, it's hard to bring a gentile girl home to a Jewish family." "What you do is you bring home a black girl first." "He was irreverent and unlike he was irreverent and unlike anybody I've ever seen at that time." "Donald Nixon." "The president's brother?" "Yeah." "Can you imagine what if must have been like for Donald to have gone through his whole life thinking that he's the screw-up in the family?" "Every time he's on television, the network hierarchy gets a little quaver here and there about what he might say." "But that's what makes him interesting." "We don't care about the critics." "We regard critics, anyway, as eunuchs at a gang bang." "We regard critics, anyway, as eunuchs at a gang bang." "They watch it all." "They point it out." "They can't really do it themselves." "He sort of set the template for the way a lot of comedians wanted to work, myself included." "He's a master craftsman of comedy." "He represents, oh, the last 40 years of comedy in the United States." "A Jewish princess, to me, is the kind of girl that makes love with her eyes closed because she can't bear to see another person's pleasure." "Because she can't bear to see another person's pleasure." "When I was just thinking about comedy, he was already doing it." "And he was such an idol of mine." "He really had" "You know, you had quality balls." "Thank you." "You really did." "I am a Canadian." "I was born in winnipeg, manitoba." "Uhh, my parents came from Russia uhh, my parents came from Russia in the late '20, early '30s." "The Jewish agency met them in halifax." "And they said "okay, like, uhh," ""how can we find a place more hellish than where they cam from?"" ""Hello, winnipeg."" "We had a wonderful childhood." "There were-- There were four of us:" "My brother hymie, myself, my brother fishy my brother hymie, myself, my brother fishy and my brother David." "I was the baby of the family." "And I had a great advantage." "I was a surprise to my mother and my father." "A big surprise." "So, basically, my parents were finished parenting." "So, this is the best thing that could have happened to a kid like me." "I did whatever I wanted." "My parents let him get away with anything." "My parents let him get away with anything." "He was spoiled as a baby." "And he's still spoiled." "This area that we're in now is really the area that I grew up in." "That was my Uncle and aunt's door." "I used to listen" "They had a big radio, I remember, in the back there." "And I first heard Jack Benny and Fred Allen on the radio 'cause they could get, the American programs." "I loved that." "In the house on Atlantic, I had a dog, a black and white dog." "In the house on Atlantic, I had a dog, a black and white dog." "I called him spotty, which was an indication of the kind of creativity that was going to burst forth from me in later years." "I was always funny." "But with my humour came trouble." "I was always in trouble." "My cousin, he remembers we were in kindergarten together." "And I goaded him into skipping school." "In kindergarten!" "We were, like, six years old." "In kindergarten!" "We were, like, six years old." "I told stories a lot." "I easily could get laughs." "It just was easy for me to do." "I told the story of purim when I was nine years old." "There were about 150 people." "I got laughs." "I don't even know-- I don't even know what" "I was just telling the story of purim." "It was my first sermon, actually." "I never thought "God, I could" "I talk to an audience and don't even think anything of it."" "It was just so comfortable for me." "It was just so comfortable for me." "He's a great storyteller, great raconteur." "And I think, when he was young, he probably enjoyed the idea of telling these long stories that were kind of spicy, kind of outrageous, kind of controversial, and enjoying the responses that he got." "He probably was kind of a precocious kid to begin with." "My father and his brother and his sister, they all had grocery stores." "And my father ran a little shul, a little synagogue." "There were tons of synagogues in winnipeg, on every block." "On every block." "The Steinberg group was known as pretty funny." "They were always laughing." "They were all telling jokes." "In fact, in their little yiddish community, everyone wanted to be at the Steinberg table because they were just funny." "And they were dirty." "They were" "They were vulgar and crude in yiddish." "Gentiles, to my father, were people, although intelligent..." "They sell their children for whisky." "The humour was definitely from my dad." "And anyone that thinks that humour isn't in the genes is wrong." "♪" "When I was 15 years old, I left winnipeg." "I had a scholarship to a yeshiva, a theologic" "A Hebrew theological school." "And I didn't have to add the "Hebrew"." "I'm sure you guessed that." "I'm sure you guessed that." "And, umm, and at the same time, university of Chicago." "I sort of had an interest in it 'cause I could speak Hebrew." "It was the only thing I was good at was speaking Hebrew." "Did I want to be a rabbi?" "No, I didn't." "I thought "I'll go to Chicago." And it was another adventure." "There were eight, maybe nine, pretty women on the whole campus at the university of Chicago." "Pretty women on the whole campus at the university of Chicago." "And, across from the coffee shop, there was a door." "And it led to some steps." "And six of them, every day, went in that door and walked up those steps." "One day, I-- I just followed them." "I just want to meet them, introduce myself." "And they were going to the university of Chicago theatre." "And there was a sign on the door." "And it said "auditions for and it said "auditions for chamber theatre production of candide."" "And there was this guy, Robert benedetti, who ran the theatre." "And he said "what are you doing here?"" "I said "I'm auditioning for candide."" "He said "well, what role in candide?" I said" "I didn't know if candide was a guy, a lead, a building." "I didn't know anything." "I said "just, you know, one of the candidian parts."" "And he said "well, I haven't seen you here before." "What brings you here?"" "Of course, he knows all these gorgeous girls have just left." "Of course, he knows all these gorgeous girls have just left." "I said "well, I'm a big fan of chamber theatre."" "He said "oh, that's so interesting." "You're a fan of chamber theatre?"" "And he told me this, to my face, at that moment, he said" ""chamber theatre is a term we came up with today."" "We became good friends." "I" " I got on stage." "And I didn't play any leading role." "But he had me playing, you know, uhh, a horse." "I played inanimate objects." "I played inanimate objects." "Even on stage then, I-- I felt comfortable." "But I was just, literally, there because of the girls." "One day, benedetti said to me-- He called me at home-- and said." ""I want you to get here early because there's a show at mandel hall--"" "the big hall at university of Chicago" ""I want you to see it."" "I said "okay." I go to mandel hall." "And it was a show" "Probably one of the first ever in a big place-- of second city, probably one of the first ever in a big place-- of second city, the most incredible group of people, especially in that year, early on:" "Barbara Harris, Mike Nichols, Elaine may, Alan arkin, comedy gods in their own way." "Is it true, as I have heard, that football began as a sacred or religious rite?" "Right." "Well, that's, uhh, kind of a-- That's an interesting question." "Uhh, actually, football began as a game, as a matter of fact, at rutgers in 1869, came over from england." "As a matter of fact, at rutgers in 1869, came over from england." "Well, it couldn't very well be American and religious in the 19th century." "Why do you say that?" "Well, not with all those emersonian transcendentalists." "My dear friend, you've obviously forgotten about the kierkegaardian existentialists." "There were many of them." "They loved exercise" "Excuse me." "Sorry to break in on this." "I'm sure we could go on for hours." "But let's get back to football, shall we?" "Besides, we have a left guard and a right guard, but no kierkegaard." "They were smart and from the top of their intelligence, but just really funny." "And funny the way I was funny and my friends were funny." "And funny the way I was funny and my friends were funny." "And I'd never seen anything like that before." "Let's take a hypothetical case, gentlemen." "Let's say we have the ball on the 47-yard-line." "Well, they're really not lines" "Excuse me for interrupting you there" "Really, line segments, actually, because if they were lines, they'd go on to infinity and the game would be very long and tedious." "Line segments." "I just" " I couldn't get over it." "And just somewhere in the middle of that play, I said." ""I do that." ""I do that." "What they're doing, I do that."" "I wanted to follow them like a kid follows a circus." "And I had a friend, gene kadish." "We formed an act together." "And I wrote sketches and skits that I thought were like second city." "And we opened up at a little bar called old town north, three blocks away from second city." "And a guy came in and gave us a review and said" ""you got to see Steinberg and kadish." ""You got to see Steinberg and kadish." "Second city should go see them."" "I got into second city and hit the stage and, uhh, and never looked back." "So, this evening, we're very, very glad to have with us the first eskimo folk singer," "Mr. nanook Smith." "Won't you come out, Mr. Smith, and join us?" "Have a seat." "Mr. Smith, I understand you're the very first eskimo" "What's that?" "No, I'm the second." "No, I'm the second." "Oh." "My brother was the first and was swallowed by a big, huge polar bear." "Oh, that's too bad." "I'm sorry to hear that." "It's all right." "He got out the first eskimo folk song before he was." "Oh, good, good." "Can we hear some of it?" "Sure." "♪ Look out for that polar bear ♪" "♪ He's gonna get me ♪" "♪ Ah ♪" "It was the first time-- I was 22, 23" "It was the first time-- I was 22, 23" "It was the first time that I actually realized that I was really good at something." "Now here I am in the average American food store, waiting to interview an average American." "Sir, sir, you look like an average American to me." "You're darn right I am." "Yes, I am." "Would you like to answer a few questions for television?" "Tele-- what's that red light over there, boy?" "Are you a commie?" "Oh, no." "That's a television camera, sir." "That implies that it's working." "All right, go ahead, commie." "Within a month of being at second city," "I just felt "God, I-- This is what I should be doing."" "I just felt "God, I-- This is what I should be doing."" "What a place like second city did for David, it was quick thinking." "It was writing on stage, while you're talking, you know, as opposed to the generation that came before, where you get guys who are doing the same act for 40 years." "Here, in the moment, they were able to come up with material while they were on stage and see where it took them." "That's what made it really intriguing." "It became a little bit of a high wire act, which is dangerous and fun, if you're in the audience." "Which is dangerous and fun, if you're in the audience." "It was another way of going back to school." "You had to know what movies were on." "You had to know what was going on politically." "You had to know everything so when the audience suggested anything, you could do it." "♪ How many cows must a poor farmer milk ♪" "♪ Before they call him a man?" "♪" "♪ How many cows must a poor farmer milk ♪" "♪ How much milk can he put in a can?" "♪" "♪ How much fertilizer does a poor farmer have to throw ♪" "♪ All over the land?" "♪" "♪ The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind ♪" "I first saw him at second city." "I thought "he's really funny." "He's handsome."" "And he had a charm about him and an easiness." "And he had a charm about him and an easiness." "There's an aura about him that makes you like him immediately." "He's always had a lot of friends, even when he was a youngster." "He was the kind of kid that everybody wanted to be around." "His personality and he had this, you know, sense of humour when he was very young." "I don't want to get personal with you." "Oh, no." "Since you didn't send in the snapshot," "I'm going to have to give a description." "Can I take a look at you?" "Profile, that's good." "Can I take a look at you?" "Profile, that's good." "Dave, uhh, have you ever thought of having your nose fixed?" "Again?" "From the moment I saw David," "I knew that I really-- That he was" "He was going to be a boyfriend." "I knew that." "I liked him from the moment I saw him." "He was adorable." "He was adorable." "I think he still is, isn't he?" "People loved him." "They really connected with him on many levels:" "His energy, his presence, his brilliance." "His energy, his presence, his brilliance." "He was a popular guy." "I came into the company with Jack burns, Avery schreiber and dick schaal, and an incredibly funny woman named mina kolb." "Fred Willard, Robert klein were in my company, and Judy graubart, who was my girlfriend at the time." "And nightly in Chicago at the admirable second city revue theatre, a beguiling youngster from winnipeg named David Steinberg tangos with God and company too." "Tangos with God and company too." "Here he is about to improvise another sermon." "It was Sheldon patinkin, I think, who suggested it to me." "He said "you know, you have a font of knowledge here that no one has." I said "what's that?"" "He said "well, you know, the Bible."" "Would the congregation please be seated for this evening's sermon." "Tonight's sermon deals with the exciting personalities" "Moses, Solomon," "Noah and job," "Noah and job, all of whom had a wonderful rapport with God, whom I'm sure you'll all remember from last week's sermon." "I said "I'm not going to do biblical" "You mean, like, stuff from the yeshiva?"" "At that time, I thought I was, like" "The beatnik era had just ended." "And I'm now on stage." "And I was a cool, hip guy." ""Why would you put me back into that?"" "And God looked down and saw that things were bad." "Every time God looks down, things are bad." "Every time God looks down, things are bad." "Maybe if he wouldn't look down so much, things would pick up." "And then, one night, there was a suggestion for a sermon." "So, I thought-- I walked on stage." "And I said I'll take a suggestion of any, any old testament personality, any one." "And that was the thing that killed the audience because I had studied this my whole life." "So, they couldn't stump me with anyone." "And I was sort of playing a reform rabbi." "And I was sort of playing a reform rabbi." "And it just-- it killed." "And then people started asking for it and it became a thing." "God appeared in a dream, said "Solomon, you could have anything that your heart desires."" "Solomon said "oh, lord, grant me wisdom that I might be the wisest king of all."" "And God gave him this anthropomorphic zap." "And Solomon became all wise and knowing." "And at that moment, he knew he should have asked for money." "And at that moment, he knew he should have asked for money." "Comedy is about bringing down the authority." "That's why comedy exists, to bring down the power." "Well, who's the biggest power around?" "God." "David went after God." "It's not shocking." "His father was a rabbi." "He studied at the yeshiva." "I mean, it's the basis of his childhood and his growing up." "And it's such a widely-read book." "And it's such a widely-read book." "It's a great reference source that a lot of people know." "You know, he's a Jew." "He's a son of a rabbi." "What do you want from the guy?" "Job stood outside his hut, prayed to God. "God!"" "God didn't answer." "Looked up again, he went "God!" God didn't answer." "Finally, in the third cry, he hollered "Mike!"" "And God answered." "How mysterious are the ways of the lord." "If you back and listen to those sermonettes, they're" "If you back and listen to those sermonettes, they're" "They're smart as well as funny." "You know, they're" "They're saying "here's the difference between an old testament and a new testament" or, you know, even making fun of the language of the Bible when he says, like," ""God said, in his redundant way--"" "you know, that's just nervy." "The biblical stuff is so unique" "Especially for the time" "And so gutsy and so hilarious too when he's talking about Moses and lot's wife." "And the imitation of lot's wife is so hysterical, and the imitation of lot's wife is so hysterical, as if she was a typical Jewish, uhh, yenta." ""Lot!" "Lot!"" "You're dying because he's made her probably what she was." "But nobody had the foresight to think of the voice of lot's wife." "For the time, it was a very much" "I wouldn't say "outrageous" " "Outrageous to close-minded people." "To open-minded people, it was cool." "Yeah, he always got some flack." "But it also gave him his cachet, but it also gave him his cachet, which is, you know, kind of shot him to the top." "Ole!" "Arriba!" "Andele!" "♪ When you walk through a store ♪" "♪ Hold your head up high ♪" "♪ I'm in the mood for love ♪" "I'll tell you how the psychiatrist came about." "And it was my favourite thing to do in front of an audience." "Someone from the audience suggested psychiatrist." "So, there was a guy, Marty Harvey friedberg, so, there was a guy, Marty Harvey friedberg, who was in the company, died recently." "And, uhh, "Marty," I said, "I'll do this with you." ""So, what'll happen is I'm going to be the nuttiest patient that you've ever seen."" "So, as the lights came on, on stage," "I was leaping through the air, as I do now, singing" "♪ I'm in the mood for love ♪" "And I even had that" "I just went "get off!" And I did" " I was just playing" "I was playing the patient." "I was playing the patient." "And I thought to myself "wait." "They think I'm the patient." "And I thought to myself "wait." "They think I'm the patient." ""That's why they're laughing." "What if I could be the psychiatrist?"" "And this is remarkable how this other person, Marty, helped me." "So, I did all of that." "And then I went and I said "miss Jones, would you send--"" "and very calm voice after being nutty" " I said" ""miss Jones, would you send in the next patient, please?"" "This is a psychiatrist's office." "So, you must relax." "You must trust the doctor because only the doctor can help you." "Go on through!" "Go on!" "Go on through!" "Go on!" "Now, in psychiatry, you must understand that only I, the doctor, know what I am doing." ""M.D.", me doctor." "Now, what, specifically" "Get off!" "Everything was tormenting the patient and then talking very softly." "So, it was being crazy and talking in this smooth voice." "It's a Marx brothers-- It's Groucho." "It's a Marx brothers-- It's Groucho." "What, specifically, is your problem?" "I have trouble communicating." "I'm sorry." "I don't understand you." "It became a mainstay of second city and of" "I mean, no one else can actually do the character." "It's very much in me." "Oop." "Get off!" "It's a fly." "Get off!" "It's a fly." "♪" "The agents were starting to recognize me, coming from New York and noticing what I did and all of that." "And they said "you got to come to New York and audition for some plays."" "So, I went to New York." "And I auditioned for a play called little murders that Jules feiffer wrote." "That Jules feiffer wrote." "The stars were elliott gould, who wasn't even known at the time, and Barbara cook." "And the play lasted a week." "I go right back to second city in Chicago." "I just wanted to be in front of an audience and keep moving and all of that." "And the agents come calling again." "They say "time for you to come back to New York." "This time, they're interested in you in a starring role."" "And it was a play that Sidney poitier was directing." "It was written by Robert Alan aurthur." "It's called carry me back to morningside heights." "It's called carry me back to morningside heights." "That closes in a week." "And I was a failure in my own mind because Alan arkin had starred on Broadway." "He was now doing movies." "He was at second city." "I sort of followed him." "And I-- Barbara Harris was a star." "All these people from second city were big stars." "And I wasn't." "And I thought "well, uhh, you know, this is" "This is what it is."" "So, when I was in england with second city," "I got to be friendly with the Simon sisters." "I got to be friendly with the Simon sisters." "It was carly and Lucy." "They had an act there." "And we became friends." "So, I said to carly" ""let me write an act for us." "You'll sing." ""And I'll do something." "And we'll do a little" "Maybe second city type scenes together."" "And she said "okay." "Yeah, let's do that."" "And we auditioned at the bitter end, which was a little place, a club in the village in New York." "I found something that I could do, basically, the sermon." "So, I did the sermons at the bitter end." "And I lived in the apartment below carly and Lucy." "And I lived in the apartment below carly and Lucy." "And they looked after me." "It was ecstasy to have these incredible women just" "They just looked after me." "I didn't know New York." "I didn't know how to do anything." "Somehow, through that sort of nurturing little community," "I stumbled slowly out of the sermons and started to tell stories." "I never had a big audience." "And when I had a big audience, it was a gray line bus tour." "And they would always complain that and they would always complain that" ""we'll come back if you don't have that kid there." "We can't stand him." They really couldn't" "They didn't like my attitude." "They didn't like what I said." "I was dying there, you know?" "It wasn't like" "Richie pryor was at the cafe au go go across the street." "He had an audience of, I would say, twelve." "And I had an audience of eight." "One night, I come to work." "And there are six people in the audience." "So, the manager of the bitter end, with commitment that managers have, with commitment that managers have, said "you got three more days and you're out."" "I go home that night." "I just want to get to sleep as fast as I can." "I wake up in the morning." "Carly lived in the apartment above-- above us." "And she-- phone rang, it's carly." "She said "David, have you seen the New York times?"" "I said "I'll look at the New York times." "I'm just getting up."" ""Go get the New York times."" "I get the New York times." "I go to the entertainment section." "I get the New York times." "I go to the entertainment section." "There's a review by a man named Dan Sullivan, a name I will never forget." "He was one of the six people there." "And he said "David Steinberg is a cross between Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce."" "And I was away." "I mean, it was astonishing 'cause I had got" "At second city, I got good reviews." "But I didn't realize what the New York times was." "The New York times announced that I was there." "And I had to be ready for it." "And I had to be ready for it." "David was part of this new wave of comedians." "There was Richie pryor." "There was lily tomlin." "There was Robert klein." "There was George carlin, this whole new movement of storytellers." "My first agent was irvin Arthur." "And the first time that I went on the" "The legendary irvin Arthur, known to bud, of course." "Irvin-- irvin Arthur and I were a team when I started out." "And it took me five times before I got on the tonight show." "And it took me five times before I got on the tonight show." "That is to say that after they signed me up to do the tonight show," "Johnny announced me and I never got on." "The show went too long." "They brought in a singer." "So, imagine what it is to be a comedian starting out for the first time." "You have all your material." "And you're just waiting to go on." "The fourth time I didn't get on, it was getting a little aggravating." "Irvin said to me "do not worry." ""Tonight, you are going to get on that show." "You're a big star." "And they have to know about it."" "You're a big star." "And they have to know about it."" "And, obviously, irvin had done something 'cause when I came to the tonight show that night, the guests were-- and this was when the tonight show was 90 minutes out of New York" "The guests were Tony Bennett and me..." "No one else." "I came in." "I was nervous." "I was going over my material." "I was getting all set." "And Tony Bennett's a wonderful entertainer." "And he goes on first." "Johnny does his mighty Carson art players." "Everything is working." "Irvin said "this is a great audience for you." "Irvin said "this is a great audience for you." "You're going to be fantastic." And I am feeling wonderful." "Tony Bennett is singing his songs." "He is great." "He sits down to talk for a bit." "And Tony Bennett is not exactly Mr. words." "Tonight, he is George Bernard Shaw." "It was no longer about just telling jokes." "It was about exploring themes and ideas and longer" "It was about exploring themes and ideas and longer" "Sort of longer structures in terms of a bit." "You would, you know, a bit would be a ten minute piece about a subject, as opposed to a series of jokes." "He didn't care if he went a minute without a laugh because he knew that it was an investment in what came maybe 20 seconds after that." "He is waxing eloquent." "You have never heard these mellifluous tones and words and dialogue and language." "It is phenomenal." "He goes for three segments, telling stories about his childhood, getting laughs." "Telling stories about his childhood, getting laughs." "It is unbelievable." "There are now ten minutes left in the show." "I turn to irvin." "I say "irvin, it's driving me crazy." ""I know I'm not going to get on tonight." ""At least tell me so I don't have to sweat out these last ten minutes."" "And irvin said" ""you don't have to worry about a thing." "I'm going backstage." ""I'm going to talk to Rudy right now." ""Who does Tony Bennett think he is?" "He's not a comedian." ""He's a singer." "He should be singing." "You should be on right now."" "And irvin left." "I didn't want any scene." "I just wanted to get out of there peacefully." "I was pacing up and down." "Irvin came back." "I said "well, irvin?"" "I said "well, irvin?"" "He said "well, all right, we're not going on tonight." "It's not going to happen."" "He said "but don't worry about it." ""I have made it clear to Rudy," ""and they're going to let Johnny know, you are an upcoming star." ""You must get on the show." "And I resent Tony Bennett." "I resent him for doing this."" "And we were walking out." "In the back where you can hardly hear it," "Tony Bennett said "and now," "I'd like to sing 'I left my heart in San Francisco'."" "And irvin said "wait a sec." "I love this song."" "His style is very cerebral." "And he's articulate." "He uses big words." "And it's not, you know, broad in any way." "And it's not, you know, broad in any way." "It's very, you know, subtle and tasteful, and yet, hilarious." "David doesn't get up and do jokes." "He gets up and puts up a mirror to life and finds the funny parts of it and the irony in it." "And, uhh, and he just nails it." "Everybody today that works without setup, punch line owes David, you know, like, a dollar." "Hey, here's, I think, one of the brilliant young, uhh, hey, here's, I think, one of the brilliant young, uhh, satirists working today." "It's David Steinberg." "He is currently in Los Angeles, getting together a new comedy album." "David Steinberg!" "It was even surprising to me how explosive it was 'cause the first time I got on, the next day, I remember walking down the street in New York." "And one out of every four people, it seemed, said" ""oh, I saw you last night." "I saw you last night."" "It was phenomenal." "He asked me "why don't you come on again in, like, five weeks, six weeks?"" "In, like, five weeks, six weeks?"" "I came on within six weeks." "And I did, probably, a sermon." "And then I sat down." "And in the sitting down section, he and I just connected." "It's really hard to cry in a film, you know?" "You have to think of something." "Like, rod steiger pulls his nose hairs." "Is that-- bring a little tear, does it?" "And then they say "what a sensitive, poetic performance from this man."" "He's injured himself." "He's injured himself, you know." "But I care too much about my nose to do such a thing to it." "But I care too much about my nose to do such a thing to it." "Of course." "Of course." "You have certain standards." "I have standards." "So, I have to-- do you think you could cry?" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Sure." "On the spot, every time, in a film?" "Well, not immediately." "But if I had 30, 40 seconds, I could get tears." "All right, I'll-- look." "Let's you're on the set, right?" "And you're just-- And they say "action."" "You don't have time to prepare 'cause it's costing money." "You got to go right into" "Right." "So, you think of something." "You say "nbc has just called." "And you got to be here 20 more years."" "Oh, God!" "Oh, God!" "Comedians talk about this all the time." ""When did you get to sit down next to Johnny?"" "That's the big thing, to be called over, sit down next to Johnny." "I was at the couch from the second appearance on, and always at the couch." "I also notice that the Italians, in my family, they call each other" "They never call each other once." "It's always-- they always say the name three times." "They go "Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie, come here for a second." "They go "Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie, come here for a second." ""Connie, Connie, Connie, talk to vin" ""Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie." ""Butch, butch, butch." ""Connie, Connie, Connie, where you going?" "Where you going?"" "I think it's true." "They do-- they repeat things" "Emotional people." "Yeah, emotional." "Well, they have a different attitude." "The Italians, they like to play." "You know, they have a good time." "They're dancing." "They have the concertina." "They dance with aunt Theresa." "They are having a good time." "When the Jews arrive, it's like a ward when the Jews arrive, it's like a ward from cedars of sinai hospital, you know?" "They come with in with the hats and the pills." "And everything is worrisome, you know?" ""Don't barbecue the meat." "You could get cancer." ""Don't eat." "Don't swim and then eat." "Don't eat and then swim." "Above all, don't have fun."" "Jews have a philosophy." "If they had a bumper stick, it would be" ""fun kills."" "He would talk to Johnny Carson he would talk to Johnny Carson with such ease and, umm, and patience." "To keep up with Johnny Carson is very difficult because you're dealing with someone that's a comic genius and a conversational genius at the same time." "I think it's the same kind of pride that, uhh, a dad would have towards his son." "When they're on the two-shot, you saw Carson listening to David, watching David talk." "And his eyes and his whole face sort of lit up." "And his eyes and his whole face sort of lit up." "And there was something fun watching him watch David." "The director's kind of like the piano player in a whorehouse, you know?" "You're around the action, but you never really get a piece of it." "That's right." "We became friends right away." "I remember the first time I realized." ""God, I'm a friend of Johnny Carson's."" "He invited me to see a screening, he invited me to see a screening, in the office." "And there were the two of us, watching this movie." "And in the middle of that," "I thought "my God, this is Johnny Carson and me."" "Did you watch" "I was talking about Hollywood wives last night." "Now, be honest." "Did you watch it?" "Every minute." "Good." "It's-- it's in there on, you know, newlywed game, love connection..." "Hollywood wives." "It's what I feel television was meant to be." "It's what I feel television was meant to be." "I mean, imagine the premise of Hollywood wives is that they are trying to convince us that there are wives of celebrities who do nothing but shop and have lunch and just wait till they can divorce the celebrity and just take everything" "that that celebrity's got." "What a fantasy." "He was on the Carson show for 150 times, second to Bob hope." "On my second appearance on the tonight show, he said "you know, this show's so hard to do." ""What I'm thinking is, next Monday," "I just want to take off."" "He said "do you want to host the show?"" "He said "do you want to host the show?"" "I was, like, 26, maybe." "I said "yeah!"" "To sub for Carson, to get that permission to sit in that chair, you have to be spectacular." "You have to be phenomenal at the art of interviewing." "He's so smart." "He knows so many different things." "He knows how to relate to people." "He knows to give people space." "He knows how to let other people be funny." "Paul Simon, I remember, was my guest." "And, you know, when you host the tonight show and you're a comedian, all that matters is the monologue." "And you're a comedian, all that matters is the monologue." "You want to do a good interview with the guest." "But the man-- the monologue is so much pressure that you just want that to work." "And I did a monologue." "And it worked-- it was pretty good." "And then Paul came on." "And he-- he wasn't on yet." "So, he came up during the commercial break." "And we sat down." "And we're talking." "And he said "you know, David, I watched your monologue." "You know, when you said, umm," "'I had a wonderful rapport with God', it would be better if you said 'a connection with God.'"" "if you said 'a connection with God.'"" "I can't fix the monologue that I just did." "So, I said, "you know," ""I was just thinking that it would be better to do 'bridge over meshuggeneh waters'."" "When my mother was alive, she was here for some of the times where he was hosting the Carson show." "It was wonderful for her." "It was wonderful for her." "She was interviewed in winnipeg." "And, umm, all our relatives were." "And so, she enjoyed it, you know, immensely." "She was known as David Steinberg's mother." "And she loved it." "Did you go to the talmud torah?" "The talmud torah, that's the only thing." "With her beehive and her high heels, she couldn't wait to get to shul." "And they treated her like she was queen Elizabeth." "My mother spoke Russian and yiddish only in the house." "My mother spoke Russian and yiddish only in the house." "And we're a very poor family." "We came from very poor family." "Lately, it's been kind of nice for me." "And I send a little money home." "My mother doesn't speak English." "I mean, she doesn't know any words." "But now, in the yiddish, you start to hear, filtering through, words like "is that a network show?"" "What's fun about David is he never, ever tried to disguise who he was." "He never changed his name." "He never changed his name." ""Steinberg", if I'm not mistaken, is pretty Jewish." "No comedian ever used their real name." "You know, shecky Greene, Milton berle, George burns, they all changed their Jewish name to an americanized name." "The American way is, to adapt to normal, you change yourself entirely." "So, instead of going from "Steinberg" to "Stein", you go from "Steinberg" to "st"." "It didn't make sense to change my name, "David Steinberg", it didn't make sense to change my name, "David Steinberg", because how would miss mccrumb from west kildonan collegiate institute," "who said I was a failure, know that I had succeeded any if I changed my name?" "Then, the next thing you do, you change your nose, to be normal." "Right." "And the people who do this walk the streets." "They have big eyes and big ears and a little dot where their nose used to be." "And then they marry people with similar characteristics." "And then, one Tuesday, they wake up and they have a kid who has a nose like a macaw." "And it's God's way of going "booga-booga!"" "And it's God's way of going "booga-booga!"" "David exploded onto the scene at the time." "And he was just like me." "He was a Jew who went to yeshiva, who was studying to be a rabbi." "I said "oh my God." "There's a way out of here for me."" "Well, for me, it was just-- It was just that notion that a Canadian could become a famous comedian." "That was, first off, that was an impressive thing, and something that, you know, everyone in Canada was proud and something that, you know, everyone in Canada was proud that this guy was Canadian." "That whole idea that he was this outsider who would somehow infiltrate the culture and then let loose this kind of brilliant mind, uhh, was very appealing." "You can't really think about that you've arrived." "I didn't feel any different." "I just thought "there is just some luck that I have" ""that will run out." ""That will run out." ""But, for now, I'm just going to" "It's a rollercoaster." "I'm just going to enjoy it."" "Back then, comedy people weren't that great" "They're never good-looking!" "There's a nose." "There's a thing." "There's something's crooked, the hair." "But David was this really sexy guy." "And he was accessible because of that." "Most people think carly Simon's "you're so vain" was about Warren beatty." "It was not about Warren beatty." "It was about David." "He was, like, the best dresser he was, like, the best dresser of any of the comics." "The myth is that people thought it was the football players who were getting all the action." "But, no, comedians, women love comedians." "Comedy sort of took over rock and roll in that era." "There were groupies for comedians." "And David, who looked great, dressed great, didn't talk funny-- He talked in his natural voice" "His groupies were the cream of the crop." "His groupies were the cream of the crop." "He had a lot of girlfriends." "A lot of girlfriends." "Girls were at the house all the time." "One morning, I went up to David's, uhh, apartment and rang the bell." "And Tuesday weld opens the door." "I was, like, so flustered." "And I was going." ""I can't fucking believe it's Tuesday weld."" "There were certain shows back then which were, umm" "Well, they really bucked the tide, okay?" "Well, they really bucked the tide, okay?" "Laugh-in was sort of that in terms of its form." "But more to the point was the smothers brothers." "Uhh, they were really funny." "But they were very political." "Tommy smothers, who was the de facto producer of it, kept looking for new talent that would push boundaries and push envelopes." "And David Steinberg was readymade for that." "He was-- he was doing things that nobody else was doing." "On the smothers brothers, I did a sermon." "On the smothers brothers, I did a sermon." "And I did-- Moses was the first one." "Moses was wandering in the wilderness when he saw a bush that was burning, yet it would not consume itself." "A voice came out of the heavens." ""Moses!" "Take off your shoes from off of your feet"," "God said in his redundant way." ""For the land that you are standing upon is holy land."" "Well, Moses took his shoes off, approached the burning bush and burnt his feet." "God went "a-ha!" "Third one today!"" "Today, you'd hear the bit and it wouldn't seem that shocking or outrageous." "But in, you know" " I guess it was-- when was it, '69?" "Uhh, you weren't really allowed to mock religion in any way." "Uhh, you weren't really allowed to mock religion in any way." "This was stuff that, uhh, generally wasn't said in mixed company." "It certainly wasn't said on television." "Two weeks after that, I was in Los Angeles." "And Tommy said "come on." "I want to show you something."" "And he opened a door and there were these boxes." "I said "what's that?" He said "it's your hate mail."" "He told me like I should be happy about this." "CBS got more hate mail than any network had ever gotten" "CBS got more hate mail than any network had ever gotten up to that point in the history of television." "CBS let the smothers brothers know" ""you can have David Steinberg back." "But he can't do any more of these sermonettes."" "And so, what does Tommy do?" "Has him back and then just invites him off the cuff," ""say, why not do another one of those sermonettes?"" "God said to Jonah "go unto the king of nineveh and tell him that he has sinned."" "Jonah said "I have a feeling he knows."" "Jonah said "I have a feeling he knows."" "And Jonah ran away from the face of God." "Instead of going to nineveh, he went to tarshish." "Nineveh was that way, towards Wilshire boulevard." "And he went to tarshish, which was that way." "He got into a ship that was commandeered by 23 gentiles" "That was commandeered by 23 gentiles" "A bad move on Jonah's part." "Well, it was risky to put David on the first time." "It was suicidal to put him on the second." "Now, here, there are two concepts that we must deal with." "There is the new testament concept and the old testament concept." "The old testament's scholars say that Jonah was, in fact, swallowed by a whale." "The gentiles, the new testament scholars, they say "hold it, Jews, no." "Jonah wasn't" " Jonah--"" "they say "hold it, Jews, no." "Jonah wasn't" " Jonah--"" "they literally grab the Jews by the old testament." "The audience responds wonderfully to it." "But it never got on the air." "CBS pulled the show from the air." "And smothers brothers were barred from performing on television for five years." "This hand, this old testament, that's what threw the smothers brothers off the air." "That's what threw the smothers brothers off the air." "This was the number one show in America." "Just imagine, financially, what it meant for them to have to do that, number one show." "Bonanza was the number one show." "Smothers brothers beat them, took over their timeslot." "And now they were thrown off the air." "CBS was getting pressure from, not only its affiliates and not only from viewers in terms of letters coming in, but from its own community, these executives that would go out to the country clubs these executives that would go out to the country clubs" "and the advertisers that would go out to sell things, that the people in the suits with the suits were saying" ""why are you letting these boys get away with this?" "Why are you letting David Steinberg say this?"" "Tommy smothers supported David and goes to the length that the show gets cancelled." "What a goyishe fucking kop." "I would walk on fire for David Steinberg." "We're here in my home." "I invite the world in." "We're here in my home." "I invite the world in." "You had me at "David"." "I would walk on coals." "I would do anything." "I would eat pork for David Steinberg." "Get your show cancelled for David Steinberg?" "Are you out of your fucking mind?" "Tommy says now, and he told me that he did regret it." "But he never thought that he was going to lose." "He thought he had creative control." "He thought the sketch was funny" "The audience responded to it-- That he was within his rights." "And he was playing chicken with CBS." "And he had won before." "And he was playing chicken with CBS." "And he had won before." "And so, he never thought that he would lose his platform." "We never thought we were going to be cancelled because we were just picked up." "We were a very hot show." "So, uhh, it's one of those things." "We were all kids." "You know, and we didn't know better." "Television through the '60s, until that point, was escapist." "The networks didn't want to remind you of any problems." "The networks didn't want to remind you of any problems." "They wanted you to forget about problems so you would just sit back, watch the programs and buy their products." "And then along comes a new brand of comedy that wants to talk about what's actually happening outside." "David Steinberg was a new breed of comic and a new, faster, younger, more daring kind of comic just when I wanted one." "And he was saying the things that those of us out there that were my age, uhh, were thinking." "That were my age, uhh, were thinking." "Look, just like you would" "You watch a jon Stewart today and get the news, so to speak, and that slant on it, I'd listen to David Steinberg." "When you write comedy, you start off with what pisses you off." "Well, nothing pisses David off." "He's Canadian." "But Nixon got to the point where even David was pissed off." "Well, I will tell you something about president Nixon." "Once I've told it to you, once I've told it to you, you are never going to see him the same way again because what I am going to tell you is the truth." "And the strange, mystical thing about the truth is, once you've heard it, it remains lodged in your memory forever." "And that is simply this:" "President Nixon has a face that looks like a foot." "To take on politics at that time, you needed a certain amount of, uhh-- am I allowed to say "balls" in this thing?" "You needed a certain-- And big ones at that." "David was the first to really dig in to Nixon." "I mean, it was really very cutting edge stuff." "I would polarize the audiences with my views of Nixon." "No one, at that time, uhh, had really attacked the presidency." "That's what it was." "Had really attacked the presidency." "That's what it was." "You were making fun of this imperial presidency." "There was something about, umm, him not caring." "Seems fearless, you know?" "Uhh, he must not have cared if he was going to get fired or not because he kept doing it." "Now, we've been getting a lot of comment about one-sided political views." "And we would like to give credence to the other side." "But we feel that they're nothing but a bunch of impudent snobs." "But we feel that they're nothing but a bunch of impudent snobs." "So, this week, we would like to go out of our way to salute president Nixon who, in a speech exactly one week ago, had the courage and the confidence to believe that he actually said something." "I also get a lot of hostile mail." "I would guess so, 'cause you" "Well, I can determine the difference a little quicker now than I could before." "A letter that starts "dear kike--"" "that's a" "Yeah, pretty good indication that they're not going to like the show I did previously." "Following paragraphs then" "Not going to be too friendly or worth waiting for." "Not going to be too friendly or worth waiting for." "To those of you who have written in accusing me of being a communist," "I have one thing to say." ""Communist" is spelled with a "c"." "David turned up on Nixon's enemies list, which was, like, the medal of honour to those of us who felt that way about Nixon." "David didn't care." "Or he seemingly didn't care, you know?" "He was this guy who just kept on going." "He was this guy who just kept on going." "In the United States, in these wonderful United States, anybody can become president." "And I think we've bent over backwards to prove that." "There was a knock on my door at the Plaza hotel." "And I opened the door and they said "it's the FBI."" "And they said "Mr. Steinberg, can we come in?" "We want to talk to you."" "I said "sure." They came in, these two guys." "And they said to me "we've had an assassination thr" "Assassination threat that came through the switchboard."" "Assassination threat that came through the switchboard."" "And they said "if you do your Nixon--"" "the guy said, whoever it was" ""if you do the Nixon material tonight, someone's going to take a shot at you from the audience."" "This is, like, an hour before I'm about to go on." "And they said "but don't worry." ""All the other FBI guys," ""we will be standing around the whole room." "And you don't-- you have nothing to worry about."" "So, I thought "this is an amazing country." "These guys are going to protect me." That's all that I thought." "And then I went on stage." "And I did Nixon." "In fact, I did a sermon." "And I did Nixon." "In fact, I did a sermon." "And when I did the sermon, I got up on a chair, even flaunting myself because I knew, as a comedian" "Which mattered to me a lot at that time" "I knew that if I didn't do that," "I would never have any edge at all ever again." "It turned out that these two guys were basically just investigating me." "And I kept on seeing them everywhere that I went." "And then when, uhh, Watergate occurred, they were sitting behind segretti." "And I realized this was all people investigating me and I realized this was all people investigating me and trying to stop me and-- amazing." "Knowing that Nixon people were paying attention to what he was saying and doing in the nightclubs, and he would still, defiantly, do just what he wanted to do." "The jon stewarts of the world will say, all the time, that he gave us our balls, that he was the first guy to do political satire when it wasn't accepted." "It was hated, certainly in Washington." "When it wasn't accepted." "It was hated, certainly in Washington." "1974," "Richie pryor and lily tomlin and myself were the cover of newsweek for the new humorists." "And I was there by virtue of my Nixon material." "And that bastard resigned and knocked us off the cover." "So, that cover story became a back-of-the-book story." "He's, first of all, one of the world's best storytellers." "He's, first of all, one of the world's best storytellers." "And he has, now, a lot of stories, a lot of great show business stories." "Groucho Marx is, to me, an indication of the best kind of old man." "Groucho is 83 years old." "And we were walking down the street last week." "And I'm writing a story on him." "And I asked him" ""could you give me a sentence to describe chico?"" "And he thought for a second." "He said "yes." ""Uhh, chico brought venereal disease to the vaudeville circuit."" "To be in a David Steinberg story, you have to be" "You can't just be famous, it's kind of legendary famous." "Only David Steinberg has show biz stories that start out with." ""I'm in the playboy mansion talking to Izzy singer" "Isaac bashevis singer."" "And then I would go to hillcrest, the country club." "And every Tuesday," "Groucho," "Jack Benny, George burns and me." "Jack Benny, George burns and me." "This mount rushmore of comedy, funny, entertaining, unbelievable." "I tried to take notes." "And just when I think, you know, I've heard every story, every story's made it's round, he'll just come out with "when I was on the tonight show and Elaine stritch was on..."" "Like, who are you?" "What happened in your life?" "♪" "♪" "♪" "We had a budget for a talk show and then we decided, why don't we do a show about a guy named David Steinberg, who's doing a talk show?" "The David Steinberg show's not even in the top twenty." "Let me see that, del bravo." "Bowling for dollars, 18." "Jackpot tennis, 19." "Celebrity lacrosse, 20." "Celebrity lacrosse?" "Wow, celebrity lacrosse, that's my favourite show." "I love game shows." "David, I'm going to have to call my agent" "David, I'm going to have to call my agent and get another show." "Ah, at last some good news." "And all of David's friends, from his past lives would all fly up to do it," "Richard pryor and Elliot gould and John voight and Ethel merman came up." "And they thought they were doing a regular talk show." "That's Helen Hayes." "It was just the most fun I ever had doing a television show." "Ah, Mr. del bravo, Mr. macgregor, ah, Mr. del bravo, Mr. macgregor," "Mr. rickman, Mr. dirkwood and Mr. Steinberg." "The cast all became legends in comedy." "John candy and Marty short," "Joe Flaherty, that was the first time they were ever on television." "Mr. Steinberg, would you please stand here next to Mr. del bravo?" "Mr. dirkwood, I've placed you beside Mr. rickman." " Morning." " Fine." " Morning." " Fine." " Morning." " Fine." " Morning." " Fine." " Morning." " Fine." "Get out of here." "So, he was discovering all these unknown, great comedians that became the sctv stars." "Ooh! "Peter Pan, Peter Pan,"" "I'm tired of hearing about Peter Pan." "I don't even know why I resent his ability to fly, but to me, John, I find his mirthful timelessness utterly obnoxious." "Peter Pan is my hero." "Booga, booga!" "You see, to me, you see, to me, the idea of scaring someone by simply saying "boo,"" "is so much less effective than by saying "booga, booga!"" "The first time that I incorporated "booga, booga"" "into my Moses routine, was during the tonight show with Johnny and doc and ed." "And their reaction was phenomenal." "We received thousands of letters, many from reform rabbis wondering who Moses was." "Getting out on time is a big thing and getting offstage on time is a big thing." "I always was pretty good at not" "In fact, people accuse me of leaving the stage a little bit too early." "David segued pretty quickly from doing stand-up to being a director." "I remember I was doing stand-up and I was in Cleveland, by myself, and it was five o'clock." "I saw all these cars heading to the suburbs," "I saw all these cars heading to the suburbs, to see their families and all of that and I thought "this is just so lonely."" "You know, I like being onstage." "I loved when it worked." "I mean, I like stand-up." "You know, I liked it, but I thought," ""I don't want this to be my life forever, where I'm on the road all the time."" "I think the thing that separates David from other, maybe, comedians, is that he had that experience and then he was able to mature with his life and then he was able to mature with his life as it was unfolding." "And I think that's a sign of a real healthy person, to sort of recognize that life moves on in different directions and you'd better go with it or else you're a little screwed." "I would have had no directing career, were it not for Burt Reynolds." "Burt Reynolds was the biggest star in the country and he said, "I'm going to have David Steinberg direct me."" "And they said "the comedian, David Stein" "He's a comedian."" "He had more clout at that time, hard to imagine, he had more clout at that time, hard to imagine, than Barry diller and Mike eisner, who were running Paramount at the time." "I had a feel for it." "The movie, paternity, was different than his other movies." "He wasn't racing in a car and shooting people and all that." "And it gave me a feeling that I should" "I should continue in this." "Universal wanted to make a film starring John candy." "So, that became my second film, called going berserk." "I started to talk to my agent about," "I started to talk to my agent about," ""I want to direct sitcoms on television."" "He said, "no." "That would be such a comedown." "You'll lose all your credibility for doing that."" "Because sit-- they still called it "the idiot box" in 1982 and sitcoms were regarded as the last refuge for stars and directors." "And I said, "you know what?" "I'm interested in it,"" "and just lucked out in being ahead of the curve." "So, as these great sitcoms came around," "I was the director of choice and I just was lucky." "I was the director of choice and I just was lucky." "I mean, maybe we could, you know, team up." "You mean, music by rose nylund and lyrics by Dorothy zbornak?" "Why not?" "I mean, we could be the next Rogers and hammerstein, the next Simon and Garfunkel, the next" "Sherry Lewis and lamb chop!" "I don't know if I could get my hand that far up your dress." "I was directing bea Arthur," "I was directing bea Arthur, and I gave her my first note as a director." "And I said, "bea, on that line," ""instead of standing up, why don't you just sit down on the sofa and say that line?"" "And bea said," ""why in God's name would I do that?"" "Bea would like to have a gin and tonic after the show and she usually had that gin and tonic with the director." "And she usually had that gin and tonic with the director." "That was me." "So, I'm sitting down and overheard by Betty and a lot of people, and bea said to me-- She's sort of in a mellow mood" ""why is it that people take such an instant dislike to me?"" "And I said, "it just saves time."" "David's move into directing probably taps into." "David's move into directing probably taps into the second city part of him, I think the staging part." "What you get there, is a guy who's been onstage, he knows what an actor's maybe feeling in the moments, so he speaks that language." "Unlike many stand-up comedians, he did come out of scene work." "So, he understands the rhythm of people talking to each other." "Whereas a lot of stand-up comedians only understand, sort of, one-sided conversation." "You know, comic rhythms, that's the first" "That's the main thing." "So, you know if a scene is working, or if it's not, you can probably fix it or if it's not, you can probably fix it by adjusting the proximity of the actors, the inflection," "where they're hitting certain syllables, to get the most out of every line and to get the meaning of it." "I had decided to come out to California to find my fame and fortune." "Instead of finding my fame and fortune," "I got a job parking cars." "I used to park cars at the place where he went to a health club and I recognized him from, you know, obviously he was a big star and I started to talk to him." "When I would get his car or when we were waiting for his car," "I would kind of talk to him about comedy." "I would kind of talk to him about comedy." "He was very, very nice, very generous, gave me a lot of time and used to give me good tips also." "So, when we did Seinfeld, we suggested that David direct a Seinfeld episode." "Mad about you, he was doing mad about you, directing mad about you." "The world is poorer today, for having lost Marty brekman." ""Buchman." "It's buchman."" "Buchman." "I am poorer." "You, his friends, are poorer." "I am poorer." "You, his friends, are poorer." "His loving family is poorer." "Let me introduce them." "Oh, my God." "His nephew, bill." ""Burt." Burt." "His nephew, amon." ""Arnold." Arnold." "And their wives, Celia." ""Silvia." And rose." ""Blossom."" "Blossom and Sylvia." "And their children, Pete," "Janice, Arthur, shelia, Darcy and Douglas." "I'll tell you one thing that I heard, that he writes his notes about actors" "Let's say he's casting" "In Hebrew, on the side of the page." "He writes them in Hebrew, so no one can see what he's writing about them." "And I don't have the heart to tell him, but I heard that there are some Jews in show business." "He seems to be someone who, you have him as this young, hot, fiery, cutting edge comic and then you look at him next and then you look at him next and he's the wise, old Professor." "How many performers are there from the 60's, who are directing the best, cutting edge comedy in American TV history?" "Picture's up." "Everyone good?" "Come on, let's make some magic." "Picture's up." "Take four and mark." "And mark." "Curb your enthusiasm, curb your enthusiasm, we didn't think it was going to be successful in any way." "We hoped it would be." "Jesus Christ!" "Larry David had a notion that he was going to play a misanthropic version of himself." "He's not a misanthrope." "A wealthy Jewish guy, everything that you could never pitch to a network and sell." "I-I shoot pool." "Everyone needed me, because I had the second city improvisational background as a performer and we wanted to improvise." "So, I came into that." "So, I came into that." "But the first season, no one liked us." "We didn't think the network was particularly going to pick us up." "We didn't think this was going to become an institutional show." "Hold on, hold on." "Come here, come here." "Shh, shh." "I got in a lot of trouble with Suzy." "I need your help so bad." "Um..." "She found a pair of panties in my glove compartment." "Oy vey iz mir." "Are you kidding me?" "No, I am not kidding you." "How the hell did you do that?" "I forgot they were even in there." "I forgot." "I forgot they were even in there." "I forgot." "But here's where I need your help." "Man, oh man." "I told her they were your panties." "You know, to be directing the best show on television, at-- what is he, 100?" "You know, that's pretty incredible." "That's one of the best gigs and you really have to be a good comic director to pull off that show." "He can spot a beat that falls or doesn't work." "He has a great eye for that, and he has a great eye for what's funny and what's not." "And he's very comforting to have around, and he's very comforting to have around, because he knows when a scene is working." "My bed?" "Fucking bed, the whole bed." "They took my bed?" "!" "Took the fucking bed, left the pillows and sheets and shit." "He's the kind of director that will point you in the right direction, but still give you the opportunity to use your instincts a little bit, you know, to pull the scene together a little bit." "He allows you to just, you know, get in there and be you." "And a nice ass TV gone too." "And the TV?" "Nice ass TV gone." "Larry David and I rarely disagree about a scene." "Larry David and I rarely disagree about a scene." "He'll try it one way and I'll try it another way." "He has an idea and I have an idea." "He thought it was a cute idea in "Larry, Joseph and Mary"" "to have a pubic hair stuck in his throat." "And we had a great script, that was so good," "I thought, "why do we need to do that?"" "And I reluctantly did it and he wanted to do it in every scene." "I said, "we'll do it in every second scene" "I said, "we'll do it in every second scene and every third scene."" "Anyway, I thought, "okay, well, I failed in this one." "I should have not had him do it at all."" "I got an emmy nomination a director's guild." "He was so much more right than I was, it was unbelievable." "We like the same things, we hate the same things." "I mean, we're really very much in sync about so many things." "Our philosophies are very similar, you might say." "When you have real talent around you, when you have real talent around you, it's not that you're controlling them as a director." "You're just part of a group and it's just the most fun, it really is." "Give me the pants." "What are you taking about?" "These are my pants." "Now." "Okay, fine." "You don't have to do this here." "I don't care." "Okay, here." " Oh, my God!" " Jesus Christ!" "Who are you?" "I'm Larry David." "I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties." "I'm Larry David." "I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties." "In any career, in any life, it's never just a smooth path to the top." "You know, the failures are more valuable than the successes." "Well, I know that for myself, that my career aspirations down the road are as a director." "I've already started doing that and he's someone" "He's a mentor to me, you know?" "And so, I think that his comedy set him up nicely to be a director." "But I wish he did more stand-up." "Let me spend this interview let me spend this interview getting you back into stand-up comedy." "Well..." "Let me make that my mission here." "Okay." "What is it going to take for me to get you onstage doing twenty minutes?" "Well, I've missed being onstage." "Of course you have." "Yeah, because it's who we are and that's how you define yourself." "Right." "What is it that is stopping you?" "Well, failure." "Well..." "You know, it could happen." "What is wrong with failure?" "That's part of it." "That's part of it." "To do comedy, one must crawl" "To do comedy, one must crawl" "Yes, exactly." "Inch by inch, you know?" "Because it's not walking." "No, no." "It's on your belly, crawling, crawling inch by inch." "Yes." "But you're fully in command of your faculties." "Yes, so far." "You have physical energy." "Yes, I do." "You can do this." "Yeah." "So, let me see the audience settle again." "That's good." "Yeah, that's good." "And let me just-- Let's mark that level." "And let me just-- Let's mark that level." "Now, go up just another level." "Stand-up comedy is a jolt of electricity, that nothing in your day, nothing in your week, and nothing in your month, is as good as being onstage and connecting." "So, how many seats do you have?" "This isn't the big guy." "A hundred." "Oh, it's an intimate little-- yeah, yeah." "Yeah." "No, it's a perfect, perfect venue to do this." "Great." "I think it's really scary to go back onstage" "I think it's really scary to go back onstage after you haven't been onstage for a long time." "It's a very tough thing to get back into." "I think once you leave it, the working out you have to deal with," "I mean, it's truly like a" "You're like a championship fighter, who's been out of the ring for a few years and it's tough to get that back." "Just before I go on, I'm nervous," "I'm pacing." "I think if you're not nervous before you go on, you don't stand a chance." "So, every time before I go out so, every time before I go out and almost every comedian will tell you this, they are prepared for the worst." "You don't prepare for the best." "The moment you've prepared for the best an angel in heaven hears that and he kicks you in the ass when you go onstage." "You know, you get to a philosophy after awhile" "Yeah." "That everything is sort of cyclic in a way." "You know, I have a sort of, capsulized philosophy now." "It's like, when you're-- Success is so relative." "It's like, when you're-- Success is so relative." "Yeah." "When you're a baby, success is not wetting your bed." "I guess that could be considered, yes." "When you're a teenager, success is going all the way." "When you're a young man, success is making money." "When you're middle aged, success is being happy." "When you're an old man, success is going all the way." "And when you're really old," "And when you're really old, it's not wetting your bed." "So, once you understand..." "He's taken his life from Groucho Marx, to direct things like curb your enthusiasm, Seinfeld, mad about you, golden girls and every one in-between, without missing a beat." "It's amazing to me because I was never planning anything." "I was just out there doing it." "I never thought of influencing anybody." "I just can't get ovover how lucky I was." "I just can't get ovover how lucky I was." "I know it sounds, sort of false modesty, whatever." "I can't get over that" "Even as I'm telling these stories" "That this was my life." "We're very proud of him, you know." "And he's lived his life really, very much like if he had been at the yeshiva all of those years." "David happens to be a very lovely guy, inside and out." "The twinkle that made him stand out, you know, the twinkle that made him stand out, you know, in his eyes, when he was really just a young pup, he's still got, that "whether I'm saying it or not," "I'm thinking of something against the rules right now."" "I-- to see David do stand-up again, for me, that would be a dream come true, for me." "It's so familiar to me, to be onstage." "It's like a friend, that I know the stage feeling." "It's like a friend, that I know the stage feeling." "He has a voice." "He's had a voice throughout the entire time that I've known him." "And he hasn't expressed it publicly in a very long time." "When you get it right, there is nothing like it, being in that space and having the right to be able to give all these opinions to an audience that have paid to come and see you." "You can't not miss something so exciting." "No real plan, except to get it right." "And to get it right, by my standards, and to get it right, by my standards, means an audience has to be laughing and they have to walk out and say "that was worth it."" " Please welcome," " David Steinberg."