"(scanner beeping) Ifyouhavealaptop,putit  in a separate bin." "Ifyouhavealaptop,putit  in a separate bin." "Take out your cell phones, in a separate bin." "Take out your cell phones, bracelets, metal." "Take out your cell phones, bracelets, metal." "If you have a pacemaker, bracelets, metal." "If you have a pacemaker, remove it." "If you have a pacemaker, remove it." "It'sa nonstopthistime,so remove it." "It'sa nonstopthistime,so I should be back for dinner." "It'sa nonstopthistime,so I should be back for dinner." "Yeah." "I should be back for dinner." "Yeah." "(echoing) Nervous?" "Yeah." "(echoing) Nervous?" "(screaming)" "(echoing) Nervous?" "(screaming) No." "No, I, um... (screaming) No." "No, I, um..." "They have body scanners and" "No." "No, I, um..." "They have body scanners and they're patting people down and" "They have body scanners and they're patting people down and we have to take our off shoes." "they're patting people down and we have to take our off shoes." "So, it's all very, um, we have to take our off shoes." "So, it's all very, um, state-of-the-art, so I'm just" "So, it's all very, um, state-of-the-art, so I'm just glad they're here to protect us." "state-of-the-art, so I'm just glad they're here to protect us." "Love you." "glad they're here to protect us." "Love you." "(texting on phone)" "Love you." "(texting on phone) Actually,theTSAdoesn't" "(texting on phone) Actually,theTSAdoesn't protect us from terrorist" "Actually,theTSAdoesn't protect us from terrorist attacks." "protect us from terrorist attacks." "Yeah, I'm not just a stranger, attacks." "Yeah, I'm not just a stranger, Phil." "Yeah, I'm not just a stranger, Phil." "I have a TV show." "Phil." "I have a TV show." "And you're on that TV show." "I have a TV show." "And you're on that TV show." "No,thankyou." "And you're on that TV show." "No,thankyou." "Hi,I 'mAdamConover." "No,thankyou." "Hi,I 'mAdamConover." "Hi,Adam." "Hi,I 'mAdamConover." "Hi,Adam." "Andthisis" "Hi,Adam." "Andthisis  "Adam Ruins Everything."" "Andthisis  "Adam Ruins Everything." What'shappening?" ""Adam Ruins Everything." What'shappening?" "♪" "(crackling) (ding-ding) (buzzer)" "Closed Captions Provided by truTV" "Look,I knowtheTSA  screenings are annoying, but they stop terrorists." "screenings are annoying, but they stop terrorists." "Actually,there'sverylittle they stop terrorists." "Actually,there'sverylittle evidence that the TSA has ever" "Actually,there'sverylittle evidence that the TSA has ever stopped a terrorist, let alone evidence that the TSA has ever stopped a terrorist, let alone one with a bomb." "stopped a terrorist, let alone one with a bomb." "Hey!" "one with a bomb." "Hey!" "Don't say "bomb."" "Hey!" "Don't say "bomb." Wait,wait,wait." "Don't say "bomb." Wait,wait,wait." "Haven't they stopped an attack?" "Wait,wait,wait." "Haven't they stopped an attack?" "Notthatwe knowof." "Haven't they stopped an attack?" "Notthatwe knowof." "They didn't stop the shoe" "Notthatwe knowof." "They didn't stop the shoe bomber." "They didn't stop the shoe bomber." "They didn't stop the underwear bomber." "They didn't stop the underwear bomber." "They didn't stop the underwear bomber." "Heck, they probably won't stop bomber." "Heck, they probably won't stop the crop top bomber." "Heck, they probably won't stop the crop top bomber." "(ticking, alarm ringing) the crop top bomber." "(ticking, alarm ringing) Sowhatdidstopallthose" "(ticking, alarm ringing) Sowhatdidstopallthose  bombs?" "Sowhatdidstopallthose  bombs?" "Oh,easy." "bombs?" "Oh,easy." "All the other security measures" "Oh,easy." "All the other security measures we added since 9/11." "All the other security measures we added since 9/11." "Like reinforced cockpit blast we added since 9/11." "Like reinforced cockpit blast doors." "Like reinforced cockpit blast doors." "The increased number of doors." "The increased number of air marshals." "The increased number of air marshals." "The heightened awareness of air marshals." "The heightened awareness of passengers like you and me." "The heightened awareness of passengers like you and me." "And intelligence agencies that passengers like you and me." "And intelligence agencies that work to stop attacks before they" "And intelligence agencies that work to stop attacks before they even happen." "work to stop attacks before they even happen." "Yeah,weknewaboutthis guy." "even happen." "Yeah,weknewaboutthis guy." "We replaced his bullets with" "Yeah,weknewaboutthis guy." "We replaced his bullets with Tic-Tacs." "We replaced his bullets with Tic-Tacs." "Mm, orange." "Tic-Tacs." "Mm, orange." "My favorite." "Mm, orange." "My favorite." "ButtheTSAdoesnothing." "My favorite." "ButtheTSAdoesnothing." "For one thing, they straight up" "ButtheTSAdoesnothing." "For one thing, they straight up suck at screening." "For one thing, they straight up suck at screening." "When the Department of Homeland suck at screening." "When the Department of Homeland Security tested them, the TSA" "When the Department of Homeland Security tested them, the TSA failed to find mock weapons" "Security tested them, the TSA failed to find mock weapons and explosives 95% of the time." "failed to find mock weapons and explosives 95% of the time." "Noway,really?" "and explosives 95% of the time." "Noway,really?" "Hey!" "Noway,really?" "Hey!" "You can't bring this knife here." "Hey!" "You can't bring this knife here." "Here are your other knives back." "You can't bring this knife here." "Here are your other knives back." "Also, if you wouldn't mind, real" "Here are your other knives back." "Also, if you wouldn't mind, real big smile, pose for Instagram." "Also, if you wouldn't mind, real big smile, pose for Instagram." "(camera clicking) big smile, pose for Instagram." "(camera clicking) Beautiful." "(camera clicking) Beautiful." "Instagram?" "Beautiful." "Instagram?" "Yeah,theyposteverything" "Instagram?" "Yeah,theyposteverything they confiscate to Instagram," "Yeah,theyposteverything they confiscate to Instagram, and it's pretty embarrassing." "they confiscate to Instagram, and it's pretty embarrassing." "Whatfilterdo youlike?" "and it's pretty embarrassing." "Whatfilterdo youlike?" "Do you like Kelvin?" "Whatfilterdo youlike?" "Do you like Kelvin?" "Mayfair." "Do you like Kelvin?" "Mayfair." "Oh." "Mayfair." "Oh." "Allday." "Oh." "Allday." "Allright." "Allday." "Allright." "Mostofthestuffthey" "Allright." "Mostofthestuffthey  confiscate is just novelty crap." "Mostofthestuffthey  confiscate is just novelty crap." "No,look,that'sagrenade." "confiscate is just novelty crap." "No,look,that'sagrenade." "No,that'sjustavape that 's" "No,look,that'sagrenade." "No,that'sjustavape that 's shaped like a grenade." "No,that'sjustavape that 's shaped like a grenade." "How is that dangerous?" "shaped like a grenade." "How is that dangerous?" "That'sa samuraisword." "How is that dangerous?" "That'sa samuraisword." "That's a weapon." "That'sa samuraisword." "That's a weapon." "No,thosearen'tweapons." "That's a weapon." "No,thosearen'tweapons." "Those are replica weapons." "No,thosearen'tweapons." "Those are replica weapons." "And their owner isn't a" "Those are replica weapons." "And their owner isn't a terrorist, he's a dweeb." "And their owner isn't a terrorist, he's a dweeb." "Andstopcallingthemsamurai terrorist, he's a dweeb." "Andstopcallingthemsamurai swords." "Andstopcallingthemsamurai swords." "It's a Master Sword replica from swords." "It's a Master Sword replica from "The Legend of Zelda,"" "It's a Master Sword replica from "The Legend of Zelda," all right?" ""The Legend of Zelda," all right?" "Confiscatingfakeweaponsand  all right?" "Confiscatingfakeweaponsand  stopping people from just saying" "Confiscatingfakeweaponsand  stopping people from just saying the word "bomb"-- stopping people from just saying the word "bomb"-- Don'tsay"bomb"!" "the word "bomb"-- Don'tsay"bomb"!" "(sighs)" "Don'tsay"bomb"!" "(sighs) Comeon,man." "(sighs) Comeon,man." "Getup." "Comeon,man." "Getup." "Thosethingsdo nothingto" "Getup." "Thosethingsdo nothingto stop terrorism." "Thosethingsdo nothingto stop terrorism." "They just create the illusion stop terrorism." "They just create the illusion of security." "They just create the illusion of security." "It's a concept called security of security." "It's a concept called security theater." "It's a concept called security theater." "Goodmorrow,sir." "theater." "Goodmorrow,sir." "Now, won't you step aside?" "Goodmorrow,sir." "Now, won't you step aside?" "For I perceive the mace your" "Now, won't you step aside?" "For I perceive the mace your breeches hide." "For I perceive the mace your breeches hide." "(crowd exclaiming) breeches hide." "(crowd exclaiming) Alastowastrelvillainssuch" "(crowd exclaiming) Alastowastrelvillainssuch  as I, who ne'er shall breach thy" "Alastowastrelvillainssuch  as I, who ne'er shall breach thy fine "securit-eye."" "as I, who ne'er shall breach thy fine "securit-eye." (applause) fine "securit-eye." (applause) Ifeelso safe!" "(applause) Ifeelso safe!" "Securitytheateris ashow" "Ifeelso safe!" "Securitytheateris ashow the agency puts on to make it" "Securitytheateris ashow the agency puts on to make it look like they're doing a lot the agency puts on to make it look like they're doing a lot to protect us... look like they're doing a lot to protect us..." "Foundanothergrenadevape!" "to protect us..." "Foundanothergrenadevape!" "(camera clicking)" "Foundanothergrenadevape!" "(camera clicking) And make sure to tag me, David." "(camera clicking) And make sure to tag me, David." "Eventhoughthey'renot ." "And make sure to tag me, David." "Eventhoughthey'renot ." "What?" "Eventhoughthey'renot ." "What?" "Who's that?" "What?" "Who's that?" "Iwashopingyou 'dshowup." "Who's that?" "Iwashopingyou 'dshowup." "That's Bruce Schneier." "Iwashopingyou 'dshowup." "That's Bruce Schneier." "He's a renowned expert on" "That's Bruce Schneier." "He's a renowned expert on security theater." "He's a renowned expert on security theater." "Whyishe ascooter?" "I'mbroadcastingfroma secure location." "And I couldn't get through the metal detector." "Anyway, as far as screening metal detector." "Anyway, as far as screening goes, what we had before" "Anyway, as far as screening goes, what we had before September 11th is actually quite goes, what we had before September 11th is actually quite adequate." "September 11th is actually quite adequate." "Taking your shoes off and adequate." "Taking your shoes off and putting your liquids in a" "Taking your shoes off and putting your liquids in a separate bag doesn't actually putting your liquids in a separate bag doesn't actually make you safer." "separate bag doesn't actually make you safer." "It just makes you feel safer." "make you safer." "It just makes you feel safer." "Butifwe feelsafer,isn't" "It just makes you feel safer." "Butifwe feelsafer,isn't that-- isn't that good?" "Butifwe feelsafer,isn't that-- isn't that good?" "Well,first,theillusionof that-- isn't that good?" "Well,first,theillusionof security isn't worth it if you" "Well,first,theillusionof security isn't worth it if you have to give up essential security isn't worth it if you have to give up essential freedoms and privacies have to give up essential freedoms and privacies to get it." "freedoms and privacies to get it." "Ooh!" "to get it." "Ooh!" "Hey,watchit !" "Ooh!" "Hey,watchit !" "Stopclenching." "Hey,watchit !" "Stopclenching." "Andsecondly,it 'sdangerous" "Stopclenching." "Andsecondly,it 'sdangerous to present the illusion of" "Andsecondly,it 'sdangerous to present the illusion of security when the system is to present the illusion of security when the system is actually quite vulnerable to security when the system is actually quite vulnerable to terrorist attacks." "actually quite vulnerable to terrorist attacks." "What?" "terrorist attacks." "What?" "It is?" "What?" "It is?" "Oh,yeah,evenifthis" "It is?" "Oh,yeah,evenifthis  screening worked, it would only" "Oh,yeah,evenifthis  screening worked, it would only protect us against the last way screening worked, it would only protect us against the last way we were attacked." "protect us against the last way we were attacked." "It does nothing to stop we were attacked." "It does nothing to stop terrorists from finding new ways" "It does nothing to stop terrorists from finding new ways to hurt us." "terrorists from finding new ways to hurt us." "Theterroristscansee our  to hurt us." "Theterroristscansee our  security." "Theterroristscansee our  security." "They can figure out how to get security." "They can figure out how to get around it." "They can figure out how to get around it." "So instead of trying to make around it." "So instead of trying to make airports impregnable, we should" "So instead of trying to make airports impregnable, we should take the money we're wasting on airports impregnable, we should take the money we're wasting on the TSA and spend it on things take the money we're wasting on the TSA and spend it on things that work-- intelligence," "the TSA and spend it on things that work-- intelligence, investigation, and emergency that work-- intelligence, investigation, and emergency response." "investigation, and emergency response." "Faceit,Phil." "response." "Faceit,Phil." "The TSA does nothing but violate" "Faceit,Phil." "The TSA does nothing but violate your privacy and waste your" "The TSA does nothing but violate your privacy and waste your time." "your privacy and waste your time." "Man,thisrobotisright." "time." "Man,thisrobotisright." "I quit." "Man,thisrobotisright." "I quit." "Oh, these uniforms are very" "I quit." "Oh, these uniforms are very cheap." "Oh, these uniforms are very cheap." "You're free to go." "cheap." "You're free to go." "NowI missedmy flight." "You're free to go." "NowI missedmy flight." "Are you happy?" "NowI missedmy flight." "Are you happy?" "I have a migraine." "Are you happy?" "I have a migraine." "I'llgetyouhome." "I have a migraine." "I'llgetyouhome." "(energy crackling)" "I'llgetyouhome." "(energy crackling) Whoa." "(energy crackling) Whoa." "I can't get the Tylenol open." "Whoa." "I can't get the Tylenol open." "Oh,yeah,funnystoryabout" "I can't get the Tylenol open." "Oh,yeah,funnystoryabout those tamper-resistant seals." "Oh,yeah,funnystoryabout those tamper-resistant seals." "More security theater." "those tamper-resistant seals." "More security theater." "Here, I'll show you on the way." "More security theater." "Here, I'll show you on the way." "No!" "Here, I'll show you on the way." "No!" "(energy ringing)" "Hey,thisthingismyprivate property." "property." "Nope,nowwe 'regonnahang" "Nope,nowwe 'regonnahang out and be best friends." "out and be best friends." "♪" "(P.A. feedback) Attention,shoppers." "Please be warned." "Attention,shoppers." "Please be warned." "We have a spill in aisle four" "Please be warned." "We have a spill in aisle four and an incoming portal" "We have a spill in aisle four and an incoming portal in aisle nine." "and an incoming portal in aisle nine." "(energy ringing) in aisle nine." "(energy ringing) Phil,whereareyou ?" "(energy ringing) Phil,whereareyou ?" "Idon'tknow,somekind of" "Phil,whereareyou ?" "Idon'tknow,somekind of terrifying adventure!" "Idon'tknow,somekind of terrifying adventure!" "Aterrifyingadventure terrifying adventure!" "Aterrifyingadventure of learning." "Aterrifyingadventure of learning." "Ha ha!" "of learning." "Ha ha!" "Phil?" "Ha ha!" "Phil?" "Phil?" "Phil?" "Phil?" "So,virtuallyeverypill" "Phil?" "So,virtuallyeverypill bottle in here has a" "So,virtuallyeverypill bottle in here has a "tamper-resistant seal."" "bottle in here has a "tamper-resistant seal." Why do you think that is?" ""tamper-resistant seal." Why do you think that is?" "Idon'tknow." "Why do you think that is?" "Idon'tknow." "I guess people tamper with" "Idon'tknow." "I guess people tamper with medicine a lot." "I guess people tamper with medicine a lot." "But" "Butwhowoulddothat?" "medicine a lot." "But" "Butwhowoulddothat?" "Idon't" "Lotsofpeople," "But" "Butwhowoulddothat?" "Idon't" "Lotsofpeople, evidently." "Idon't" "Lotsofpeople, evidently." "Nope." "evidently." "Nope." "It was one weirdo in 1982." "Nope." "It was one weirdo in 1982." "(snaps fingers)" "It was one weirdo in 1982." "(snaps fingers) HereareyourBennies." "(snaps fingers) HereareyourBennies." "Oh,thisis toofar back." "HereareyourBennies." "Oh,thisis toofar back." "This is the '50s, whoops." "Oh,thisis toofar back." "This is the '50s, whoops." "(snaps fingers)" "This is the '50s, whoops." "(snaps fingers) HereareyouQuaaludes." "(snaps fingers) HereareyouQuaaludes." "Ah,' 80s,herewe are." "HereareyouQuaaludes." "Ah,' 80s,herewe are." "Whatthehell?" "Ah,' 80s,herewe are." "Whatthehell?" "In1982,sevenpeoplewere" "Whatthehell?" "In1982,sevenpeoplewere  killed from cyanide placed" "In1982,sevenpeoplewere  killed from cyanide placed inside of Tylenol bottles." "killed from cyanide placed inside of Tylenol bottles." "We don't know who did it and we inside of Tylenol bottles." "We don't know who did it and we don't know why they did it, but" "We don't know who did it and we don't know why they did it, but let's make the educated guess don't know why they did it, but let's make the educated guess that it was a crazy person." "let's make the educated guess that it was a crazy person." "I'mdoingthisfor noreason!" "that it was a crazy person." "I'mdoingthisfor noreason!" "I make no sense!" "I'mdoingthisfor noreason!" "I make no sense!" "Therewerealsoafew" "I make no sense!" "Therewerealsoafew copycats, which, that's kind of" "Therewerealsoafew copycats, which, that's kind of a weird phrase, isn't it, come copycats, which, that's kind of a weird phrase, isn't it, come to think of it?" "a weird phrase, isn't it, come to think of it?" "Like, who's ever seen a cat copy to think of it?" "Like, who's ever seen a cat copy another cat?" "Like, who's ever seen a cat copy another cat?" "Hey,canwe focus,please?" "another cat?" "Hey,canwe focus,please?" "There is a murderer with no" "Hey,canwe focus,please?" "There is a murderer with no motive, like, one aisle" "There is a murderer with no motive, like, one aisle-- That's terrifying." "motive, like, one aisle-- That's terrifying." "Yeah,itis ." "That's terrifying." "Yeah,itis ." "And that's why the world went" "Yeah,itis ." "And that's why the world went nuts over this story, which left" "And that's why the world went nuts over this story, which left Tylenol with a wee bit of nuts over this story, which left Tylenol with a wee bit of a PR problem." "Tylenol with a wee bit of a PR problem." "Gentlemen,andonetoughlady  a PR problem." "Gentlemen,andonetoughlady  who we don't respect because" "Gentlemen,andonetoughlady  who we don't respect because it's the early '80s, what do who we don't respect because it's the early '80s, what do we do?" "it's the early '80s, what do we do?" "Makepeoplefeelsafe,sir." "we do?" "Makepeoplefeelsafe,sir." "Makepeoplefeelsafe,sir." "Makepeoplefeelsafe,sir." "Makepeoplefeelsafe,sir." "Greatidea,Brian." "Makepeoplefeelsafe,sir." "Greatidea,Brian." "I love your male brain." "Greatidea,Brian." "I love your male brain." "Let us make people feel safe!" "I love your male brain." "Let us make people feel safe!" "Andthat'swhattheydid." "Let us make people feel safe!" "Andthat'swhattheydid." "They yanked Tylenol off the" "Andthat'swhattheydid." "They yanked Tylenol off the shelves and a few months later" "They yanked Tylenol off the shelves and a few months later introduced the world to the shelves and a few months later introduced the world to the first tamper-resistant seal." "introduced the world to the first tamper-resistant seal." "The public was reassured, first tamper-resistant seal." "The public was reassured, Tylenol sales completely" "The public was reassured, Tylenol sales completely rebounded, and every other" "Tylenol sales completely rebounded, and every other medicine soon did the same." "rebounded, and every other medicine soon did the same." "Phil?" "medicine soon did the same." "Phil?" "Phil?" "Phil?" "Phil?" "Phil?" "Phil?" "Phil?" "Hey!" "Phil?" "Hey!" "Butthetamper-resistant" "Hey!" "Butthetamper-resistant seal is just more security" "Butthetamper-resistant seal is just more security theater." "seal is just more security theater." "Itis?" "theater." "Itis?" "Yeah." "Itis?" "Yeah." "It may make you feel safer, but" "Yeah." "It may make you feel safer, but it doesn't actually protect you" "It may make you feel safer, but it doesn't actually protect you from murderers." "it doesn't actually protect you from murderers." "Think about it." "from murderers." "Think about it." "If a real whackadoo really" "Think about it." "If a real whackadoo really wanted to hurt you, you think a" "If a real whackadoo really wanted to hurt you, you think a little piece of plastic is gonna wanted to hurt you, you think a little piece of plastic is gonna stop him?" "little piece of plastic is gonna stop him?" "Hey,that'strue!" "stop him?" "Hey,that'strue!" "I could" " I could poke a syringe" "Hey,that'strue!" "I could" " I could poke a syringe through the seal, or put contact" "I could" " I could poke a syringe through the seal, or put contact poison on the outside of the through the seal, or put contact poison on the outside of the bottle, or what if I broke into poison on the outside of the bottle, or what if I broke into the factory?" "bottle, or what if I broke into the factory?" "Stop!" "the factory?" "Stop!" "Andwhylimityourself" "Stop!" "Andwhylimityourself to Tylenol?" "Andwhylimityourself to Tylenol?" "You could hurt people any number to Tylenol?" "You could hurt people any number of ways." "You could hurt people any number of ways." "Yeah,yeah,likeIcouldput of ways." "Yeah,yeah,likeIcouldput rat poison in a salad bar." "Yeah,yeah,likeIcouldput rat poison in a salad bar." "I could hide barbed wire rat poison in a salad bar." "I could hide barbed wire in a sandbox." "I could hide barbed wire in a sandbox." "Oh,yeah,or" "I'm just in a sandbox." "Oh,yeah,or" "I'm just spitballing here-- what if you" "Oh,yeah,or" "I'm just spitballing here-- what if you put arsenic in a Super Soaker?" "spitballing here-- what if you put arsenic in a Super Soaker?" "Yeah." "put arsenic in a Super Soaker?" "Yeah." "Ooh,okay,hi ." "Yeah." "Ooh,okay,hi ." "I'm a lawyer from the network." "Ooh,okay,hi ." "I'm a lawyer from the network." "We'd prefer if you didn't give" "I'm a lawyer from the network." "We'd prefer if you didn't give crazy people ideas for how to" "We'd prefer if you didn't give crazy people ideas for how to kill, on the air." "crazy people ideas for how to kill, on the air." "Fairpoint." "kill, on the air." "Fairpoint." "Luckily, serial killers" "Fairpoint." "Luckily, serial killers are rare." "Luckily, serial killers are rare." "You don't really need to worry are rare." "You don't really need to worry about them." "You don't really need to worry about them." "Yeah,buthe killedseven about them." "Yeah,buthe killedseven people." "Yeah,buthe killedseven people." "That's a lot." "people." "That's a lot." "That's, like, all the" "That's a lot." "That's, like, all the Kardashians." "That's, like, all the Kardashians." "OrhalftheDuggars." "Kardashians." "OrhalftheDuggars." "But while we were focused on one" "OrhalftheDuggars." "But while we were focused on one fluke incident, we ignored the" "But while we were focused on one fluke incident, we ignored the hard truth that 150 people die fluke incident, we ignored the hard truth that 150 people die every year from what's in these hard truth that 150 people die every year from what's in these bottles." "every year from what's in these bottles." "Asbestos?" "bottles." "Asbestos?" "BPAs?" "Asbestos?" "BPAs?" "(gasps) Little bugs?" "BPAs?" "(gasps) Little bugs?" "No,thepills." "(gasps) Little bugs?" "No,thepills." "Thepills,that'scrazy." "No,thepills." "Thepills,that'scrazy." "Iknow." "Thepills,that'scrazy." "Iknow." "Because for years, Tylenol was" "Iknow." "Because for years, Tylenol was advertised as if it were one of" "Because for years, Tylenol was advertised as if it were one of the safest drugs on the market." "advertised as if it were one of the safest drugs on the market." "♪ the safest drugs on the market." "♪ Bobbyhasafever." "♪ Bobbyhasafever." "Should I give him aspirin?" "Bobbyhasafever." "Should I give him aspirin?" "I'ma doctor,andTylenolis" "Should I give him aspirin?" "I'ma doctor,andTylenolis the number-one pain reliever" "I'ma doctor,andTylenolis the number-one pain reliever more doctors give their the number-one pain reliever more doctors give their own kids." "more doctors give their own kids." "Aw,don'tyoufeelsafe  own kids." "Aw,don'tyoufeelsafe  and warm?" "Aw,don'tyoufeelsafe  and warm?" "Aah,strangerdanger!" "and warm?" "Aah,strangerdanger!" "Don'tworry,kid." "Aah,strangerdanger!" "Don'tworry,kid." "Statistically, you're far more" "Don'tworry,kid." "Statistically, you're far more likely to be hurt by a family" "Statistically, you're far more likely to be hurt by a family member than a stranger, so... likely to be hurt by a family member than a stranger, so..." "Whyareyouhere?" "member than a stranger, so..." "Whyareyouhere?" "Tosaveyourson ." "Whyareyouhere?" "Tosaveyourson ." "Tylenol has an incredibly narrow" "Tosaveyourson ." "Tylenol has an incredibly narrow safety margin." "Tylenol has an incredibly narrow safety margin." "Ooh." "safety margin." "Ooh." "Thecompanysaysthatthis is" "Ooh." "Thecompanysaysthatthis is a safe daily dose of Tylenol," "Thecompanysaysthatthis is a safe daily dose of Tylenol, but the FDA says that this is a safe daily dose of Tylenol, but the FDA says that this is a dangerous daily dose." "but the FDA says that this is a dangerous daily dose." "That'sonlyfourmorepills." "a dangerous daily dose." "That'sonlyfourmorepills." "I pop that many at dinner." "That'sonlyfourmorepills." "I pop that many at dinner." "Yeah,well,youreally" "I pop that many at dinner." "Yeah,well,youreally shouldn't." "Yeah,well,youreally shouldn't." "Acetaminophen, the active shouldn't." "Acetaminophen, the active ingredient in Tylenol, is the" "Acetaminophen, the active ingredient in Tylenol, is the number-one cause of acute liver ingredient in Tylenol, is the number-one cause of acute liver failure in America." "number-one cause of acute liver failure in America." "In one year alone, it sent as failure in America." "In one year alone, it sent as many as 78,000 people to" "In one year alone, it sent as many as 78,000 people to the hospital." "many as 78,000 people to the hospital." "Oh,myGod,why wouldyoulie the hospital." "Oh,myGod,why wouldyoulie to us?" "Oh,myGod,why wouldyoulie to us?" "I'mjustan actor." "to us?" "I'mjustan actor." "In fact, perhaps you recognize" "I'mjustan actor." "In fact, perhaps you recognize me from earlier." "In fact, perhaps you recognize me from earlier." "MaybeallthoseTylenol me from earlier." "MaybeallthoseTylenol commercials should have gone" "MaybeallthoseTylenol commercials should have gone a little more like this." "commercials should have gone a little more like this." "Bobbyhasafever." "a little more like this." "Bobbyhasafever." "Should I give him aspirin?" "Bobbyhasafever." "Should I give him aspirin?" "I'ma doctor." "Should I give him aspirin?" "I'ma doctor." "Give him Tylenol." "I'ma doctor." "Give him Tylenol." "But be very careful." "Give him Tylenol." "But be very careful." "It's one of the most dangerous" "But be very careful." "It's one of the most dangerous over-the-counter pain relievers" "It's one of the most dangerous over-the-counter pain relievers available." "over-the-counter pain relievers available." "Tylenol." "available." "Tylenol." "Use as directed," "Tylenol." "Use as directed, or else. (echoing)" "Use as directed, or else. (echoing) MyGod,how-- or else. (echoing) MyGod,how-- how is that legal?" "MyGod,how-- how is that legal?" "Alotof doctorsdon 'tthink how is that legal?" "Alotof doctorsdon 'tthink it should be." "Alotof doctorsdon 'tthink it should be." "The medical journal, it should be." "The medical journal, "The Lancet," said that if the drug were discovered today, it would never be freely available would never be freely available without a prescription." "without a prescription." "Well,I 'msuretheFDA  is on it." "Yeah,30yearslate." "That quote was from 1975." "Yeah,30yearslate." "That quote was from 1975." "But the FDA didn't even require" "That quote was from 1975." "But the FDA didn't even require them to put a warning label on" "But the FDA didn't even require them to put a warning label on the bottle until 2009." "them to put a warning label on the bottle until 2009." "(static) the bottle until 2009." "(static) Andeventhatwasn'tenough." "(static) Andeventhatwasn'tenough." "ThisisDr.SidneyWolfe," "Andeventhatwasn'tenough." "ThisisDr.SidneyWolfe, a physician and co-founder of" "ThisisDr.SidneyWolfe, a physician and co-founder of Public Citizen's a physician and co-founder of Public Citizen's Health Research Group." "Notonlyis acetaminophenthe  leading cause of acute liver leading cause of acute liver failure, but it exceeds all failure, but it exceeds all other causes combined." "I served on an FDA advisory committee that voted overwhelmingly to lower the committee that voted overwhelmingly to lower the maximum non-prescription dose of overwhelmingly to lower the maximum non-prescription dose of acetaminophen, but for the past maximum non-prescription dose of acetaminophen, but for the past six years, the FDA leadership" "acetaminophen, but for the past six years, the FDA leadership has effectively ignored our six years, the FDA leadership has effectively ignored our important recommendation." "has effectively ignored our important recommendation." "What?" "important recommendation." "What?" "TheFDAhasessentially" "What?" "TheFDAhasessentially failed to protect people from" "TheFDAhasessentially failed to protect people from preventable liver toxicity." "failed to protect people from preventable liver toxicity." "Excuseme." "preventable liver toxicity." "Excuseme." "Is there a cave somewhere I can" "Excuseme." "Is there a cave somewhere I can crawl into?" "Is there a cave somewhere I can crawl into?" "No,butthereisa damp  crawl into?" "No,butthereisa damp  bridge in the back." "No,butthereisa damp  bridge in the back." "Look,thepointis,  bridge in the back." "Look,thepointis,  sometimes we overreact to a" "Look,thepointis,  sometimes we overreact to a small problem while ignoring sometimes we overreact to a small problem while ignoring the bigger one." "small problem while ignoring the bigger one." "That's the problem with security the bigger one." "That's the problem with security theater." "That's the problem with security theater." "Didsomeonesay"theater"?" "theater." "Didsomeonesay"theater"?" "(clears throat)" "Didsomeonesay"theater"?" "(clears throat) Betty Botta bought some butter." "(clears throat) Betty Botta bought some butter." "Around the rugged rocks the" "Betty Botta bought some butter." "Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascals ran." "Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascals ran." "We'regood,man." "ragged rascals ran." "We'regood,man." "Yeah?" "We'regood,man." "Yeah?" "All right." "Yeah?" "All right." "Whatever." "All right." "Whatever." "Can I please get a bottle" "Whatever." "Can I please get a bottle of aspirin?" "Can I please get a bottle of aspirin?" "Oh,getthegeneric." "of aspirin?" "Oh,getthegeneric." "It's exactly the same, but much" "Oh,getthegeneric." "It's exactly the same, but much cheaper." "It's exactly the same, but much cheaper." "Whatever." "cheaper." "Whatever." "Ijustneedyou tosign this ." "Whatever." "Ijustneedyou tosign this ." "Great." "Ijustneedyou tosign this ." "Great." "Ah, my signature." "Great." "Ah, my signature." "That way, no one can steal my" "Ah, my signature." "That way, no one can steal my-- What?" "That way, no one can steal my-- What?" "What?" "What?" "What?" "Please tell me you don't have" "What?" "Please tell me you don't have something against signatures." "Please tell me you don't have something against signatures." "Actually,I do." "something against signatures." "Actually,I do." "Come on." "Actually,I do." "Come on." "Ifmywifeiswatchingthis," "Come on." "Ifmywifeiswatchingthis,  please know I love you!" "Let'ssee,I'llget this drone, and this GoPro, and this toy dog that does backflips." "drone, and this GoPro, and this toy dog that does backflips." "Man,youcarryalot toy dog that does backflips." "Man,youcarryalot of stuff." "Man,youcarryalot of stuff." "Putiton this." "of stuff." "Putiton this." "Hey." "Putiton this." "Hey." "Excuse me." "Hey." "Excuse me." "That's my credit card." "Excuse me." "That's my credit card." "You can't sign for" "That's my credit card." "You can't sign for my credit card." "You can't sign for my credit card." "Yes,I can." "my credit card." "Yes,I can." "I'm committing fraud." "Yes,I can." "I'm committing fraud." "Here." "I'm committing fraud." "Here." ""I am a fraud man."" "Here." ""I am a fraud man." Thebankis gonnaknowthat 's" ""I am a fraud man." Thebankis gonnaknowthat 's not my signature." "Thebankis gonnaknowthat 's not my signature." "No." "not my signature." "No." "It doesn't work that way." "No." "It doesn't work that way." "Here's what you think happens" "It doesn't work that way." "Here's what you think happens when you sign a receipt." "Here's what you think happens when you sign a receipt." "Accordingtomy 30 yearsof when you sign a receipt." "Accordingtomy 30 yearsof handwriting expertise and" "Accordingtomy 30 yearsof handwriting expertise and intimate knowledge of Phil, handwriting expertise and intimate knowledge of Phil, I don't believe this is the way intimate knowledge of Phil, I don't believe this is the way he dots his "I"s!" "I don't believe this is the way he dots his "I"s!" "Shut down the account!" "he dots his "I"s!" "Shut down the account!" "(siren blaring)" "Shut down the account!" "(siren blaring) It's all for you, buddy." "(siren blaring) It's all for you, buddy." "It's all for you." "It's all for you, buddy." "It's all for you." "Andhere'swhatactually" "It's all for you." "Andhere'swhatactually happens." "Andhere'swhatactually happens." "(store music playing) happens." "(store music playing) Nothinghappened." "(store music playing) Nothinghappened." "Yeah,nothinghappens." "Nothinghappened." "Yeah,nothinghappens." "No one ever compares your" "Yeah,nothinghappens." "No one ever compares your signature on the receipt to the" "No one ever compares your signature on the receipt to the real one." "signature on the receipt to the real one." "It's more security theater." "real one." "It's more security theater." "Yeah,butthenwhatsecures" "It's more security theater." "Yeah,butthenwhatsecures my credit card?" "Yeah,butthenwhatsecures my credit card?" "Nothing,again." "my credit card?" "Nothing,again." "Oh, you might not know this." "Nothing,again." "Oh, you might not know this." "The credit card system is a" "Oh, you might not know this." "The credit card system is a pre-Internet relic with" "The credit card system is a pre-Internet relic with virtually no built-in security." "pre-Internet relic with virtually no built-in security." "Oh." "virtually no built-in security." "Oh." "Backinthe'50s,aretailer" "Oh." "Backinthe'50s,aretailer would just copy down your number" "Backinthe'50s,aretailer would just copy down your number and phone it into the bank." "would just copy down your number and phone it into the bank." "Thecreditcardnumberis and phone it into the bank." "Thecreditcardnumberis four!" "Thecreditcardnumberis four!" "Two!" "four!" "Two!" "Fiver!" "Two!" "Fiver!" "Zero!" "Fiver!" "Zero!" "Yeah,butthingsare way more" "Zero!" "Yeah,butthingsare way more advanced now." "Yeah,butthingsare way more advanced now." "Yeah." "advanced now." "Yeah." "Now a machine copies down your" "Yeah." "Now a machine copies down your number and sends it to the bank." "Now a machine copies down your number and sends it to the bank." "(energy shimmering) number and sends it to the bank." "(energy shimmering) Aah!" "(energy shimmering) Aah!" "(computervoice)Welcometo" "Aah!" "(computervoice)Welcometo the Internet." "(computervoice)Welcometo the Internet." "Thetruthis ,allathief the Internet." "Thetruthis ,allathief needs to purchase something as" "Thetruthis ,allathief needs to purchase something as you is this string of numbers." "needs to purchase something as you is this string of numbers." "What" "No!" "you is this string of numbers." "What" "No!" "Hey, that is private" "What" "No!" "Hey, that is private information!" "Hey, that is private information!" "No,itisn't." "information!" "No,itisn't." "It's one of the most public" "No,itisn't." "It's one of the most public facts about you." "It's one of the most public facts about you." "You give it out every time you facts about you." "You give it out every time you buy something." "You give it out every time you buy something." "That's a real credit card number buy something." "That's a real credit card number by the way." "That's a real credit card number by the way." "It's probably maxed out by now, by the way." "It's probably maxed out by now, but give it a shot." "It's probably maxed out by now, but give it a shot." "Don't." "but give it a shot." "Don't." "AndintheInternetage, it" "Don't." "AndintheInternetage, it is impossible to keep a single" "AndintheInternetage, it is impossible to keep a single 16-digit number a secret." "is impossible to keep a single 16-digit number a secret." "Buthowdoesitgeton 16-digit number a secret." "Buthowdoesitgeton the Internet?" "Buthowdoesitgeton the Internet?" "Anynumberof ways." "the Internet?" "Anynumberof ways." "A cashier could just write it" "Anynumberof ways." "A cashier could just write it down, it could be phished from" "A cashier could just write it down, it could be phished from an e-mail, it could be hacked down, it could be phished from an e-mail, it could be hacked from a vendor like Target or an e-mail, it could be hacked from a vendor like Target or Wal-Mart." "from a vendor like Target or Wal-Mart." "A card skimmer could harvest it" "Wal-Mart." "A card skimmer could harvest it from an ATM." "A card skimmer could harvest it from an ATM." "A sneaky teen could snap a pic from an ATM." "A sneaky teen could snap a pic with a selfie stick." "A sneaky teen could snap a pic with a selfie stick." "An NSA satellite could spy on with a selfie stick." "An NSA satellite could spy on you while you buy shaved ice at" "An NSA satellite could spy on you while you buy shaved ice at the beach." "you while you buy shaved ice at the beach." "Ooh, a clever zoo monkey could the beach." "Ooh, a clever zoo monkey could peek at you while you" "Ooh, a clever zoo monkey could peek at you while you-- Okay,enough,enough." "peek at you while you-- Okay,enough,enough." "I get it." "Okay,enough,enough." "I get it." "Thefactis ,if youhavea" "I get it." "Thefactis ,if youhavea credit card, you should just" "Thefactis ,if youhavea credit card, you should just assume the number's already credit card, you should just assume the number's already been stolen." "assume the number's already been stolen." "In fact, there are so many been stolen." "In fact, there are so many numbers out here in the big" "In fact, there are so many numbers out here in the big Internet sea that getting numbers out here in the big Internet sea that getting defrauded just means your number" "Internet sea that getting defrauded just means your number was randomly chosen from a pile defrauded just means your number was randomly chosen from a pile of millions." "was randomly chosen from a pile of millions." "It's like an awful reverse of millions." "It's like an awful reverse lottery." "It's like an awful reverse lottery." "Ugh,it'sexpired." "lottery." "Ugh,it'sexpired." "Maxed out." "Ugh,it'sexpired." "Maxed out." "Oh!" "Maxed out." "Oh!" "Frequent flier miles." "Oh!" "Frequent flier miles." "(laughs) There's a fresh one." "Frequent flier miles." "(laughs) There's a fresh one." "Time to buy that new" "(laughs) There's a fresh one." "Time to buy that new Bruce Schneier book." "Time to buy that new Bruce Schneier book." "Very interested in security" "Bruce Schneier book." "Very interested in security theater." "Very interested in security theater." "No!" "theater." "No!" "That fisherman is using my" "No!" "That fisherman is using my credit card to purchase relevant" "That fisherman is using my credit card to purchase relevant nonfiction!" "credit card to purchase relevant nonfiction!" "What do I do?" "nonfiction!" "What do I do?" "Nothing." "What do I do?" "Nothing." "Credit card fraud is so" "Nothing." "Credit card fraud is so pervasive, banks have started" "Credit card fraud is so pervasive, banks have started just covering the charges so pervasive, banks have started just covering the charges so people don't freak out and just covering the charges so people don't freak out and cancel their cards." "people don't freak out and cancel their cards." "No, no." "cancel their cards." "No, no." "There is nothing that you can" "No, no." "There is nothing that you can personally do to stop credit" "There is nothing that you can personally do to stop credit card theft." "personally do to stop credit card theft." "Nothing?" "card theft." "Nothing?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "Nothing." "Youknow,Iamhavingavery" "Nothing." "Youknow,Iamhavingavery  difficult time believing you." "Youknow,Iamhavingavery  difficult time believing you." "Allright,let'stalkto difficult time believing you." "Allright,let'stalkto someone you might believe." "Allright,let'stalkto someone you might believe." "(energy shimmering) someone you might believe." "(energy shimmering) Aah!" "(energy shimmering) Aah!" "Oh,hey,Kevin." "Aah!" "Oh,hey,Kevin." "Phil, this is Kevin Poulsen," "Oh,hey,Kevin." "Phil, this is Kevin Poulsen, journalist, author of the book" "Phil, this is Kevin Poulsen, journalist, author of the book "Kingpin," and an expert on journalist, author of the book "Kingpin," and an expert on computer crime." ""Kingpin," and an expert on computer crime." "Adam,I 'mkindof in the computer crime." "Adam,I 'mkindof in the middle of a story right now." "Adam,I 'mkindof in the middle of a story right now." "Yeah,butyoucan takea middle of a story right now." "Yeah,butyoucan takea second to tell Phil about" "Yeah,butyoucan takea second to tell Phil about credit card fraud." "second to tell Phil about credit card fraud." "No,no,I'mnot saved!" "credit card fraud." "No,no,I'mnot saved!" "Comeon,comeon, just" "No,no,I'mnot saved!" "Comeon,comeon, just-- Here you go, come on, just" "Comeon,comeon, just-- Here you go, come on, just tell him." "Allright." "Phil, the truth is, there are so" "Phil, the truth is, there are so many stolen credit card numbers many stolen credit card numbers out there that thieves are out there that thieves are buying and selling them as buying and selling them as commodities." "Canyoushowuswhere that happens?" "Sure." "that happens?" "Sure." "So here's a website where you" "Sure." "So here's a website where you can buy credit card numbers for" "So here's a website where you can buy credit card numbers for around $5 apiece." "can buy credit card numbers for around $5 apiece." "Crooks buy these by the tens, by around $5 apiece." "Crooks buy these by the tens, by the hundreds, and this isn't" "Crooks buy these by the tens, by the hundreds, and this isn't even a Dark Web site." "the hundreds, and this isn't even a Dark Web site." "This is a website that anybody even a Dark Web site." "This is a website that anybody could easily search for" "This is a website that anybody could easily search for and find." "could easily search for and find." "It's grade school level stuff." "and find." "It's grade school level stuff." "Okay." "It's grade school level stuff." "Okay." "So what-- what can I do?" "Okay." "So what-- what can I do?" "Nothing." "So what-- what can I do?" "Nothing." "It's a systemic problem." "Nothing." "It's a systemic problem." "Credit card numbers are static" "It's a systemic problem." "Credit card numbers are static and unchanging." "Credit card numbers are static and unchanging." "Good security is dynamic and it and unchanging." "Good security is dynamic and it changes every time." "Good security is dynamic and it changes every time." "Isthere,any,like, changes every time." "Isthere,any,like, technological solution to this?" "Isthere,any,like, technological solution to this?" "InEurope,theyhave technological solution to this?" "InEurope,theyhave something called chip and PIN," "InEurope,theyhave something called chip and PIN, or chip and signature, and this something called chip and PIN, or chip and signature, and this is a much more secure way of-- or chip and signature, and this is a much more secure way of-- of handling credit card" "is a much more secure way of-- of handling credit card transactions." "of handling credit card transactions." "It's only just now coming to the transactions." "It's only just now coming to the United States, which means for" "It's only just now coming to the United States, which means for the next few years, we're still" "United States, which means for the next few years, we're still gonna be vulnerable." "the next few years, we're still gonna be vulnerable." "Thanks,Kevin!" "gonna be vulnerable." "Thanks,Kevin!" "No!" "Aah!" "Thanks,Kevin!" "No!" "Aah!" "Whoa!" "No!" "Aah!" "Whoa!" "(energy shimmering, popping)" "♪ (energy shimmering)" "(both)Aah!" "Look,thisis allalong way of saying that signatures on" "Look,thisis allalong way of saying that signatures on credit card receipts are just of saying that signatures on credit card receipts are just another form of security credit card receipts are just another form of security theater." "another form of security theater." "Hackers already have your credit theater." "Hackers already have your credit card number, and there's nothing" "Hackers already have your credit card number, and there's nothing you can do to stop 'em." "card number, and there's nothing you can do to stop 'em." "(chuckles) you can do to stop 'em." "(chuckles) Ihavetriedveryhard to" "(chuckles) Ihavetriedveryhard to keep my composure today." "Ihavetriedveryhard to keep my composure today." "But I'm so close to crying keep my composure today." "But I'm so close to crying right now." "But I'm so close to crying right now." "Does nothing keep me safe?" "right now." "Does nothing keep me safe?" "Oh,yeah,thereisonething ." "Does nothing keep me safe?" "Oh,yeah,thereisonething ." "What?" "Oh,yeah,thereisonething ." "What?" "What is it?" "What?" "What is it?" "Tell me what can" "What is it?" "Tell me what can-- Well,I" "Tell me what can-- Well,I-- Oh,thisis my neighborhood." "Well,I-- Oh,thisis my neighborhood." "(gasps) Oh, that's my house!" "Oh,thisis my neighborhood." "(gasps) Oh, that's my house!" "Yeah." "(gasps) Oh, that's my house!" "Yeah." "It'smyhouse!" "Yeah." "It'smyhouse!" "Yeah,yeah." "It'smyhouse!" "Yeah,yeah." "Hey!" "Yeah,yeah." "Hey!" "You guys live here, too?" "Hey!" "You guys live here, too?" "Oh, my gosh!" "You guys live here, too?" "Oh, my gosh!" "Hey!" "Oh, my gosh!" "Hey!" "It's the TSA agent." "Hey!" "It's the TSA agent." "Iknowthat." "It's the TSA agent." "Iknowthat." "Fromtheairport." "Iknowthat." "Fromtheairport." "No!" "Phil,you'rehome!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Areyouokay?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Areyouokay?" "No!" "Areyouokay?" "No!" "No, I'm not okay!" "No!" "No, I'm not okay!" "I'm not okay!" "No, I'm not okay!" "I'm not okay!" "This man is terrifying!" "I'm not okay!" "This man is terrifying!" "He got me detained by the TSA," "This man is terrifying!" "He got me detained by the TSA, he told me that Tylenol is gonna" "He got me detained by the TSA, he told me that Tylenol is gonna kill me." "he told me that Tylenol is gonna kill me." "He put our credit card number on kill me." "He put our credit card number on his television show." "He put our credit card number on his television show." "Eh, look, everything is theater, his television show." "Eh, look, everything is theater, nothing is secure." "Eh, look, everything is theater, nothing is secure." "So no, I'm not okay." "nothing is secure." "So no, I'm not okay." "Phil,you'remissing" "So no, I'm not okay." "Phil,you'remissing the point." "Phil,you'remissing the point." "You and your family have nothing the point." "You and your family have nothing to worry about." "You and your family have nothing to worry about." "What?" "to worry about." "What?" "Slowdown." "What?" "Slowdown." "Look,wehaveweak,imperfect" "Slowdown." "Look,wehaveweak,imperfect security everywhere in life." "Look,wehaveweak,imperfect security everywhere in life." "And it's totally fine." "security everywhere in life." "And it's totally fine." "Like, I'll give you one example." "And it's totally fine." "Like, I'll give you one example." "That padlock right there?" "Like, I'll give you one example." "That padlock right there?" "Locks like that are insanely" "That padlock right there?" "Locks like that are insanely easy to pick." "Locks like that are insanely easy to pick." "You could take a class, learn easy to pick." "You could take a class, learn how to do it in a day." "You could take a class, learn how to do it in a day." "Yeah,but,like,who cares?" "how to do it in a day." "Yeah,but,like,who cares?" "All that's in there are some old" "Yeah,but,like,who cares?" "All that's in there are some old hoses and your Beanie Baby" "All that's in there are some old hoses and your Beanie Baby collection." "hoses and your Beanie Baby collection." "Yeah." "collection." "Yeah." "Yeah, who cares?" "Yeah." "Yeah, who cares?" "Yeah,exactly." "Yeah, who cares?" "Yeah,exactly." "You know that no one's gonna go" "Yeah,exactly." "You know that no one's gonna go through the effort to get into" "You know that no one's gonna go through the effort to get into your old shed, so you don't have through the effort to get into your old shed, so you don't have to stress out about making it" "your old shed, so you don't have to stress out about making it perfectly safe." "to stress out about making it perfectly safe." "You can take that off of perfectly safe." "You can take that off of yourself." "You can take that off of yourself." "Thatmeansyoutrustother yourself." "Thatmeansyoutrustother people, Phil." "Thatmeansyoutrustother people, Phil." "And trusting people is an people, Phil." "And trusting people is an essential part of security," "And trusting people is an essential part of security, because it's how you make an essential part of security, because it's how you make an accurate assessment of because it's how you make an accurate assessment of the real risks." "accurate assessment of the real risks." "Youaresmart,scooterman." "the real risks." "Youaresmart,scooterman." "Thanks." "Youaresmart,scooterman." "Thanks." "We'refortunateto livein" "Thanks." "We'refortunateto livein a pretty safe country." "We'refortunateto livein a pretty safe country." "And we make it safer when we a pretty safe country." "And we make it safer when we build our security systems" "And we make it safer when we build our security systems rationally, based on trust build our security systems rationally, based on trust rather than fear." "rationally, based on trust rather than fear." "So relax." "rather than fear." "So relax." "Trust each other." "So relax." "Trust each other." "Almost all humans are" "Trust each other." "Almost all humans are good people." "Almost all humans are good people." "♪ good people." "♪ (whistling)" "♪ (whistling) Ididsay"almostall. "" "(whistling) Ididsay"almostall. " Can we get this guy?" "Ididsay"almostall. " Can we get this guy?" "Ahh!" "Can we get this guy?" "Ahh!" "Unh!" "Ahh!" "Unh!" "Ahh!" "I didit !" "Unh!" "Ahh!" "I didit !" "I did it!" "Ahh!" "I didit !" "I did it!" "I actually made someone safe!" "I did it!" "I actually made someone safe!" "Hell, yeah!" "I actually made someone safe!" "Hell, yeah!" "Bruce, I'm taking you on" "Hell, yeah!" "Bruce, I'm taking you on the freeway." "Bruce, I'm taking you on the freeway." "No!" "Youknow..." "I have to say, uh, Adam, I'm actually, uh" " I'm actually not" "I have to say, uh, Adam, I'm actually, uh" " I'm actually not afraid, for once." "actually, uh" " I'm actually not afraid, for once." "And you did-- you know, you got afraid, for once." "And you did-- you know, you got me home, so, thank you." "And you did-- you know, you got me home, so, thank you." "You're not the most horrible me home, so, thank you." "You're not the most horrible person I know." "You're not the most horrible person I know." "Wow." "person I know." "Wow." "Thank you, Phil." "Wow." "Thank you, Phil." "Oh, now that home alarm system" "Thank you, Phil." "Oh, now that home alarm system you have?" "Oh, now that home alarm system you have?" "These things are notorious you have?" "These things are notorious boondoggles..." "These things are notorious boondoggles..." "Okay,thankyou." "boondoggles..." "Okay,thankyou." "Thatdonothingtokeep you- " "♪" "Hey,Adam." "I-I was thinking..." "The eastbound bus is on the" "I-I was thinking..." "The eastbound bus is on the other side of the street." "The eastbound bus is on the other side of the street." "Awesome,thanks." "other side of the street." "Awesome,thanks." "Me, I-I love public" "Awesome,thanks." "Me, I-I love public transportation." "Me, I-I love public transportation." "Nooneaskedyou ." "♪" "(beeping) No,no,no ." "No, no, no, no!" "No,no,no ." "No, no, no, no!" "Aah!" "No, no, no, no!" "Aah!" "Man." "Aah!" "Man." "See, this is why drones should" "Man." "See, this is why drones should be illegal." "This season on "Adam Ruins Everything"..." ""Adam Ruins Everything"..." "Aah!" "Thecartookoverthe American street." "Myboy!" "American street." "Myboy!" "He's dead!" "Myboy!" "He's dead!" "Wineexpertscan'ttell" "He's dead!" "Wineexpertscan'ttell the difference, either." "Wineexpertscan'ttell the difference, either." "Whowantsto splitaboxof the difference, either." "Whowantsto splitaboxof white zin?" "Whowantsto splitaboxof white zin?" "(gargling) white zin?" "(gargling) It'sestimatedthatifcar" "(gargling) It'sestimatedthatifcar manufacturers could sell to" "It'sestimatedthatifcar manufacturers could sell to consumers directly, every car manufacturers could sell to consumers directly, every car would be $1,800 cheaper." "consumers directly, every car would be $1,800 cheaper." "Aah!" "would be $1,800 cheaper." "Aah!" "Youhavetheright" "Aah!" "Youhavetheright to remain silent." "Youhavetheright to remain silent." "Silent?" "to remain silent." "Silent?" "Oh, gosh, I wish I could." "Silent?" "Oh, gosh, I wish I could." "But 100 years ago, Listerine was" "Oh, gosh, I wish I could." "But 100 years ago, Listerine was used and marketed as a generic" "But 100 years ago, Listerine was used and marketed as a generic household cleaning fluid." "used and marketed as a generic household cleaning fluid." "Aah!" "household cleaning fluid." "Aah!" "Thepolygraphtestissoeasy" "Aah!" "Thepolygraphtestissoeasy to beat, they teach classes on" "Thepolygraphtestissoeasy to beat, they teach classes on how to do it." "to beat, they teach classes on how to do it." "It'sa lie!" "how to do it." "It'sa lie!" "(thunder crashing)" "He'sright!" "Again!" "Again!" "Again!" "Again!" "ButI wasgonnatellyouhow" "ButI wasgonnatellyouhow we can fix everything!" "we can fix everything!" "(car speeding away)" "(car speeding away) Rose!"