"President Reagan:" "We're not seeking to achieve superiority over them." "But we, certainly, we not want let that go on, increasing their superiority over us." "TV announcer:" "Attention rose today, as U.S.-Soviet summit talks stalled over President Reagan insistence on creating a nuclear shield in space." "Oh, my God." "We're all gonna die." "I still got to read four chapters by tomorrow." "I'm already dead." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "No screaming." "[ blows whistle ] No whistle." "Harrington, the brothers of Omega Sigma" "Demand your presence now." "Only the clothes on your back." "[ sighs ] [ '80s music plays ]" "Guys, as much as I love fraternity life," "And I do " " I love it -- I need my sleep, man." "And you also need to learn to sleep" "In more than your underpants." "Seriously -- lavender?" "Yes." "Lavender." "Okay, according to the "Cosmo" sex quiz," "Chicks dig the pastels." "Turbo:" "Do you pledges know what time it is?" "2:30-ish?" "No, it's interfraternity football time!" "Damon:" "This is huge, boys." "A single-elimination tournament" "For a very large trophy" "And supreme bragging rights." "Reno:" "Not to mention, the adoration" "Of female flag-football fans across campus." "Okay, see, I like that." "But I love that." "I'm in." "Where do I sign up?" "Inside sources just alerted us that our first game" "Is in 87 hours." "We'll be holding a pledge tryout" "To replace a few key players." "Although no one can replace Fitzy." "Together:" "Fitzy." "Fitzy." "Damon:" "But make no mistake." "This is our year." "There will be bruises." "There will be blood." "And, God willing, there will be glory," "And there will be stuff." "Brothers." "Guard these playbooks with your lives, men." "Last year, they fell into the wrong hands" "With disastrous results." "Turbo:" "Memorize them forward and backwards." "Then burn them." "Does anyone have any questions?" "I have a question." "How -- what is -- how did this get on my head?" ""Glory Daze"" " Season 1, episode 5 "Why Shant This Be Love"" "[ '80s music plays ] [ bell rings ]" "Man:" "Goodbye, Professor Haines." "Mr. Haines:" "Okay, class." "See you all next week." "We've begun our final descent, Mr. Harrington." "Please return your seat" "To its original and upright position." "We've landed." "Huh?" "What?" "I am so sorry." "Yeah, you should be." "You missed one of my all-time greatest lectures." "No, I didn't miss the whole lecture." "I was right with you" "Up until the part about Reagan not stopping the arms race." "That was my very first sentence." "Well..." "It stuck with me." "Professor Haines, please forgive me." "I-I sort of had a tough night." "Oh, a tough night, huh?" "As in you just found out your ex-wife" "Is having relations with her divorce attorney?" "That kind of tough?" "Or, "oh, the commons" "Ran out of tater tots again" tough?" "Wow." "This is a lot to wake up to." "Is anyone else as tired as I am?" "They dragged us out of bed three times this week." "Yeah, but this time it was for football." "That fraternity tournament sounds awesome." "Dude, I already started studying my playbook." "Favorite play -- razor 22, zebra slant." "Boom!" "I don't even know how I'm gonna fit in football." "You should have did your schedule like I did." "Man, I got nothing Monday, Wednesday, and Friday." "And I only got class on Thursday," "So I got plenty of time for naps." "[ laughs ] Sounds good, Eli," "But it's kind of hard to nap when you're premed" "And you have to find a job to pay your fraternity dues." "Hey, stranger." "Where have you been?" "Maya." "Hi." "I'm so sorry." "I've been meaning to call you," "T I've just been really busy lately." "So busy." "So busy." "So busy." "Man:" "So busy." "Well, if you ever come up for air, I'll be around." "You do have my number?" "I do. [ chuckles ] [ laughter ]" "I'm sorry." "How have you not called her?" "Please tell me you don't still have a crush on Christie." "Come on." "I don't have a crush." "Okay." "We're just friends." "She's Damon's girlfriend, dude." "Come on." "Yes, she is." "And so I ask again, how have you not called Maya?" "Okay, have I mentioned that I've been busy?" "I think I have." "Look, man, if you're not gonna call her, can I?" "'cause someone needs to get on the phone with that girl." "[ laughter ]" "I have a very sexy phone voice." "[ '80s music plays ]" "Oh." "What is this?" "Oh, I don't do football." "When it's time for intramural squash or sailing, I'm your man." "All right, songbird." "You know what?" "I'll find other ways for you to help the team." "Promise." "I got you." "All right." "Someone hit me on the skinny post." "Still." "Damon:" "Easy, Feldman." "We're gonna be going against some pretty big guys in this tournament." "It's better to keep you as a deep backup." "Okay." "Okay." "I see how it is." ""Eli's too small to play football."" ""Eli's too small to play lacrosse."" ""Eli's too big to play peewee hockey."" "It's discrimination!" "Okay, I'm ready." "So, I'll run some passing drills." "Oh, hold on, hold on." "Damon, why are you quarterbacking?" "Why don't we try the freshman" "With the 95-mile-an-hour fastball?" "Big bri." "Come on, bri." "Show us that golden arm of yours." "Joel..." "Yeah." "Let's get you to go long." "[ vangelis' "chariots of fire" theme plays ]" "Reno:" "Oh!" "Man:" "Yeah!" "Yes!" "Oh, yeah." "Huh?" "[ laughing ] oh, yeah." "Wow." "Looks like we found a replacement for Fitzy." "Fitzy." "Fitzy." "Wow." "Nice hands, Joel." "Nice and soft." "Welcome to the receiving corps, huh?" "Franklin:" "Whoa, whoa!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Coach Franklin?" "What are you doing here?" "What are you doing?" "I don't see a pitcher's mound." "I don't see any batters." "Uh, yeah, this is football, Coach." "You don't think I don't know the difference" "Between a round ball and pointy one?" "I know my balls, kid." "I know my balls." "That's why Coach D'Amato has me watching your ass" "To make sure nothing happens to that arm." "If you're worried about his arm, why are you watching his ass?" "That seems weird." "You want to dance, funny man?" "You might want to ask willie stargell" "How my fist tastes." "I believe he'll tell you it tastes like a BLT " "Broken lips and teeth." "Sounds delicious." "You caught me on a full stomach, sir." "Uh-huh." "That's what I thought." "Look, you're here on a full ride," "And you're not ruining your arm" "In some flimflam frat-house football game." "Coach, we're playing for a trophy." "We're playing for pride." "You know who else has pride?" "Coach D'Amato." "And he has dreams." "And those dreams will die" "If you tear a rotator cuff or snap an elbow." "Hell, if you get so much as a hangnail," "Those dreams are crushed." "That is why I am watching you..." "Ass and arm." "No more football, sommers." "Yes, sir." "Man:" "No, no, no, no, no." "He's got to play." "That man just crushed our dreams." "There goes our chances." "Man #2:" "But he's got to play." "This sucks." "Come on, guys." "Okay, we lost dan marino." "But I've been waiting three years to run this offense." "[ laughing ] I got this." "Who wants to run a deep route?" "Not too deep." "I do." "I do." "I do." "Me." "I do." "Come on!" "Fine." "Just..." "Oh." "Yes!" "One play." "Eli:" "Yeah." "Just split right, run a buttonhook," "Try to catch it, and take a knee." "Come on." "Put defense in, huh?" "Get someone to cover me." "Tuna can, give a defense over here, will you?" "All right." "You ready?" "Set." "Hike." "[ exhales sharply ]" "Oh!" "Man:" "Yeah!" "Man #2:" "All right." "Man #3:" "Super!" "Man #4:" "That was incredible!" "Damn, that little man's got some moves." "He's like o.J. Simpson." "We got a football team." "Tuna can, grab the ball." "Let's do it again." "Go!" "[ man laughs ]" "I can't be touched!" "[ '80s music plays ]" "Hi." "Excuse me." "Are you Stu?" "Yes, I am." "Can I help you?" "Yeah, I'm Joel Harrington." "I'm here for the job listing." "Hand me that level." "You passed the first test." "Most college kids don't know what a level is." "Let me see those hands." "Strong, callused." "Those hands have seen some work in their day." "Yes, sir." "In high school, I used to mow lawns every weekend." "Child labor." "I like it." "So, Joel, what makes you want this job?" "Passion for landscaping?" "Well, yeah, I do think working outdoors would be nice." "And I need the extra cash to pay my fraternity dues." "Oh, okay." "The passion part will have to come." "Still, there's something about you, kid." "Thank you..." "I think." "Every blade of grass on this campus," "Every shrub, every flower planted by me." "I even raise the bees that pollinate the flowers." "Got over 20,000 head." "Only been stung 97 times." "That sounds painful." "Oh, it is." "[ laughs ] by the way, your thumb's bleeding." "I think you might have cut yourself." "I've actually had this thumb reattached four times." "It's completely numb." "Here, bite it." "See if I can feel it." "Come on." "Uh, how about I just touch it?" "Never mind." "Now you've taken all the joy out of it." "I'm sorry." "Still, I could use a guy like you on my team." "Welcome aboard, Joel." "Thanks." "When do I start?" "Grab that rake." "This another test?" "[ laughs ]" "No." "No, somebody's gonna have to rake those leaves." "[ all cheering, laughter ]" "Yeah!" "Hoo-rah!" "Hey, hey." "Let's hear it for little man." "Little man!" "Little man!" "Little man!" "[ all cheering ]" "I think this calls" "For our private reserve keg of heffenbrau." "Consider it tapped." "Whoo!" "[ all cheering ]" "Reno:" "All right, brothers." "I think we all know who the game ball goes to." "[ all cheering ]" ""six touchdowns" Feldman." "[ all cheering ]" "Man:" "Yes!" "Turbo:" "We are about to win it all, baby." "Finally, our seniors won't have to graduate without winning the title." "I don't think any of our seniors are gonna actually graduate." "[ laughter ]" "Remember this moment," "But the next foe" "Is our hated enemy, the Zeta Rhos." "Also known as Zeta..." "Blows!" "Blows!" "Blows!" "[ splashing, man screams ]" "Man:" "Oh, my God." "I've been smurfed!" "Someone booby-trapped our keg with blue dye." "Reno:" "All right, brothers," "Obviously this is the work of the Zeta Rhos." "They're just trying to get in our head before the game." "Reno's right." "We are way too focused this year" "To be distracted by one prank. [ telephone rings ]" "Hola." "Omega Sig." "We were just wondering..." "Is anybody feeling blue?" "[ airhorn blows ] oh!" "[ laughter ] [ all cheering ]" "That's it." "One prank I can handle." "But two pranks?" "All right, now we fight." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "[ men grunting ]" "[ '80s music plays ] [ sighs ]" "Damn!" "He's wearing my shirt." "He's wearing my shirt and banging my wife." "That's not part of the attorney-client privilege." "Joel, I'd like to introduce you" "To someone very, very special." "Snowball, my pride and joy." "And the symbol of this university." "Sir, I thought our symbol was the bulldog." "Literally, yes, but this institution is still a place" "Where the mind is free to soar, create." "I gave them snowball." "You think you're ready to trim snowball's ears?" "Yeah, I can probably handle it." "Oh, you're starting to feel the passion, aren't you?" "Don't answer." "I can see it in your eyes." "Just go slow and gentle and against the grain." "Wait, how do I know which way the grain is?" "The cheek." "Rough..." "Smooth." "Got it." "Thanks, Stu." "All right, snowball." "Time for a little trim." "Hey, Joel." "Oh, my God." "I don't even want to look." "Just please, please tell me the head is still attached." "Okay." "It's attached." "You're lying, aren't you?" "Yes." "The rabbit's dead." "So am I." "Since when did you start working on campus?" "Ever since I realized how much my fraternity dues were." "Joel, a little less time with the bunny." "Yeah." "A little more with the rabbit." "Snowball needs your focus." "Got it." "I'm sorry." "My boss is a little, uh...[whistles]" "Yeah, I had this boss at dairy freeze once." "He used to lick the nozzles." "[ laughing ] okay." "Well, you win." "[ laughs ]" "Gentlemen, let me apprise you of our situation." "The itch powder we slipped into the Zeta Rho laundry room" "Scored a direct hit." "Man:" "Hear, hear!" "[ cheers and applause ]" "But our enemy has already retaliated..." "With poison ivy" "Into Butter Knife's motorcycle helmet." "We need to hit them hard before they can respond." "[ Turbo screams ] [ shouts indistinctly ]" "Mayday!" "Oh, my God." "They put glue in my aftershave!" "Those animals." "A man's aftershave is sacred." "I've got a paper to write tonight!" "How am I supposed to write a paper" "With my damn hands glued to my face?" "This demands a response." "Oh!" "I know where to get bees." "Yeah." "Yeah, bees are good." "We can use bees." "[ '80s music plays ]" "Oh." "Zeta Rho president at 3:00." "Hey, are you sure your boss doesn't need these bees back?" "No, these are the ones that Stu couldn't train." "Come on." "Oh, this gonna be awesome." "If it works." "Of course it's gonna work." "They're worker bees." "Yeah." "[ bees buzzing ]" "[ laughter ] [ screaming ] [ laughs ] it's definitely working." "Aah!" "Aaaah!" "[ blows whistle ] come on, man!" "Haven't we been through this?" "Fine." "Just take him." "I'm used to sleeping alone by now" "In this cold, cold bed." "What does that mean?" "Joel:" "I have no idea." "Whatever it is, it's not what it sounds like." "Come on, man." "Let's get the hell out of here." "He's starting to piss me off." "Bye, Joel." "[ chant music plays ]" "Damon:" "Pledges, prepare thine self" "For thy inaugural ritual ceremony," "Where, on the precipice of our greatest athletic challenge," "You will discover the power of our bond." "Within these sacred walls, [ all sniffing ]" "You shalt swear an oath of loyalty and brotherhood." "Stankowski:" "And, like, promise not to tell" "Any of our secrets, you know." "[ sniffing continues ]" "What's that smell?" "I don't know." "[ clears throat ]" "The brothers of Omega Sigma will shepherd you to manhood... [ gags, coughs ] ...At a later date." "Oh, that's it!" "Pledges, out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Turbo:" "Everybody out!" "Come on, guys." "Come on. [ coughing ]" "Man:" "Oh!" "Man #2:" "Oh!" "Who beefed?" "!" "Man:" "Oh, God!" "Damn!" "It's like a rectal chernobyl in here." "Oh, no, no, no." "This is not a normal stench." "Bear with me." "Hold on." "Man, I know this." "Ohhh." "Something's up here." "It's not over there." "Hey, buddy." "What's up?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Hey, yo, check it out." "It's the number "z."" "It's a shant." "The Zeta Rhos have shanted us." "In our ritual room?" "!" "How dare they desecrate our holiest of holies" "With a tinfoil-wrapped dog poop?" "!" "Yeah." "You know what's actually the real problem here?" "[ man gags ]" "Man:" "That's disgusting." "[ gagging ] is this a dramatic pause," "Or did you forget what you were gonna say?" "I forgot." "Okay." "I'm outta here." "Oh, my eyes are burning." "I'm gonna keep this for evidence, though." "I leave geneva today and our fireside summit" "Determined to pursue every opportunity" "To build a safer world of peace and freedom." "Man:" "In reykjavik 11 months later," "Talks collapsed over the american president's insistence [ knock on door ]" "On creating a nuclear shield in space..." "Well, well, look who's up and at 'em." "You wanted to see me?" "You're just in time to see two superpowers posture" "Instead of making crucial choices" "Regarding the fate of the world." "I've been too busy to even follow it." "Ah!" "That would explain this." "A "d"?" "!" "Sir, I've never gotten a "d" in my life." "I've never even gotten a "c."" "Oh, wonderful." "Well, we'll always have this memory, Joel." "Sir, there's got to be something you can do to help me out." "Okay." "Only because I like you." "[ sighing ] oh, thank you." "Happy?" "I don't know what I'm gonna do." "Well, for starters, you can get off my bed." "Sir, I'm giving everything that I can." "But there's just not enough time in my day." "Well, Joel, it looks like you have" "Some serious choices to make." "And you still got to get off my bed." "[ sighs ]" "Damon:" "Make no mistake, boys." "We are fighting a war on two fronts." "Actually, one front and one back " "Football..." "And shants." "We have measured our enemy's total capabilities," "And we found that the best strategy" "Is to, um, go in" "With a preemptive, covert strike and stuff" "With one of our most lethalest weapons." "[ whistles ]" "This man is a hero." "Symbol of loyalty." "He may return." "He may not." "But one thing's for certain -- he leaves this house" "With honor, integrity, and dignity." "Agent Hector, do you know the plan?" "Hide the poop." "I got it." "Turbo:" "All right, guys." "Let's please all pay this man tribute." "All: [ chanting ] Omega Sig, Omega Sig." "Omega Sig, Omega Sig." "[ sniffles ]" "Stankowski, are you crying?" "No, I-I don't know." "Uh..." "It's like that man does more" "With his adorable little feet, you know," "Than all of you with your regular..." "Feet." "[ '80s music plays ]" "Hey, guys." "What's up, man?" "Hey, Joel." "Brian:" "Aren't you gonna eat?" "Guys, I can't eat." "I got to study." "Guys, I just got a "d."" "I'm supposed to be going to med school." "Do you know what kind of doctors get "d's"?" "Nurses." "My dad is gonna flip." "I mean, this is exactly what he warned me about." "Guys, I can't do this anymore." "Do what?" "Everything." "Studying, classes," "Job, fraternity, no sleep." "Something's got to give." "Man, I can't believe he's gonna stop studying." "I'm pretty sure he was talking about leaving the fraternity." "[ cheers and applause ] man:" "Let's beat Zeta Rho!" "Gentlemen, today, we head out that door as warriors." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Tonight, we return as Zeta Rho slayers!" "[ all cheering ]" "All: [ chanting ] Omega Sig!" "Omega Sig!" "Omega Sig!" "Omega Sig!" "Mr. Haines:" "You make me sick!" "You make me sick!" "You make me sick!" "Whoa, whoa." "Whoa." "You make me sick!" "What's wrong?" "Isn't that what you guys are chanting?" "Or should I say, "shanting"?" "Yeah, geniuses." "I know all about your little war." "Which is about to end if you come to the game," "Watch the Zeta Rhos go down in flames!" "[ cheers and applause ]" "Yeah." "Well, as much as I would love to do that," "I'm here to inform you, as your advisor," "That the ifc has disqualified you and your "enemy"" "From the football tournament." "Together:" "What?" "!" "They can't do that!" "Apparently they can." "Dean lundqvist was recently at the Zeta Rho house," "And a shant found its way into his pocket." "Oops." "Yeah, and it doesn't end there." "His son found the shant," "Thought that it was a ding-ding snack cake, and dug in." "Did you guys really think" "That your infantile behavior wouldn't backfire on you?" "That shant has nothing to do with fraternity football." "It's totally unrelated." "[ sighs ] don't kid yourself." "Everything is related." "Did anybody read my article in "the new republic"?" "[ crowd murmuring ]" "Geez." "Why do I even bother to publish?" "The point of the article" "Is that everything is related, all right?" "The soviets, the americans," "The Zeta Rhos, shants, football..." "I mean, even my ex-wife fits in there somewhere." "But the most important thing is that we have to learn" "How to coexist." "But, Professor Haines, we were pearl-harbored!" "I don't care if you were pearl-necklaced." "Retaliation is never the answer, guys." "You and your enemy," "You can continue to go down this road to oblivion," "Or you can sit across from each other" "And discuss your differences." "Now is the time to find out" "Who you are and what you stand for," "And pull some maturity out of your asses." "[ sighs ]" "[ clears throat ]" "Gentlemen, we are here today because it's clear" "We're headed down a path of mutually-assured destruction." "How much longer will we allow the madness to continue?" "Those bastards started this war." "Not us." "Why are we even talking to the Zeta Rhos?" "You know, Margaret Thatcher" "Refuses to negotiate with terrorists." "Relax." "We've got our top people on it." "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah -- not now, Hector." "This is how you negotiate?" "Guys, where are we heading with this?" "When does the insanity end?" "Does someone need to lose an eye Or get expelled?" "Does someone need to wind up" "Huddled and naked on the bathroom floor," "Crying for peace?" "Sorry, Butter Knife, I just need to make a point." "What Damon's trying to say is," "We need to end this once and for all." "How do you propose doing that?" "A mud bowl." "A mud bowl?" "!" "Have you lost your mind, man?" "!" "It is the way of our people." "There hasn't been a mud bowl since 1977," "When the sigma beta pis" "Found two medical-school cadavers 69'ing on a raft in their swimming pool." "I don't think our situation compares." "We decline your offer." "It's your funeral, then." "Good day, gentlemen." "You're bluffing." "Prepare the cadavers." "Wait." "[ clears throat ]" "Gentlemen..." "This mud bowl." "Old-school rules?" "Tackle only." "No pads." "And no cups..." "Except the ones you drink out of." "But no drinking cups used as cups." "Done." "Hey, guys." "Hey." "Any word from the summit?" "Jason:" "Nothing yet." "Where have you been?" "I just got out of a lab." "Desperately trying to avoid another "d."" "Eli:" "How you doin', man?" "You've got us a little worried." "Yeah." "Are you gonna quit the fraternity?" "No." "[ sighs ] I don't know, guys." "Maybe." "Thanks for clearing that up." "That's..." "I'm sorry, guys." "It's the best I got right now." "You can't quit, Joel." "Well, whatever, Joel." "We're here for you, man." "I know." "Thanks." "And whatever I decide, guys," "We're still all gonna be friends." "Definitely." "Absolutely." "Oh, they've agreed." "Mud bowl on Sunday!" "♪ mud bowl ♪" "♪ ba bum bum ba ♪ ♪ ba bum ba bum ♪" "Whoo!" "I thought we were gonna have to get cadavers, man." "I swear." "That was awesome." "What's wrong, buddy?" "Guys, I'm not gonna be able to play." "Damon:" "What do you mean, "you can't play"?" "Without you, we're screwed." "Sunday is Yom Kippur." "It's the holiest day in the jewish religion." "We fast to atone for our sins," "So there's no eating, there's no drinking." "No drinking?" "!" "And definitely no football." "Man:" "You got to do something, Eli." "Uh..." "Rabbi shapiro?" "Yes?" "Whoa!" "[ laughs ]" "What's with the doll?" "Oh, they just taught a cpr class in here." "The instructor must have left her behind." "So, uh, this is the campus temple, huh?" "Well, we may be the chosen people," "But most of us chose not to live around here." "So, what's on your mind, Feldman?" "I'm sorry." "How do you know my name?" "I take mind-reading class here on wednesdays." "You're the only incoming freshman who's jewish." "Right. [ laughs ]" "That's..." "Well, rabbi, I'm a little conflicted, okay?" "So, Sunday is Yom Kippur," "But my fraternity is playing in a very crucial football game," "The mud bowl." "Ah, mud bowl." "You know about it?" "I played in it." "Planted the quarterback into the ground" "To win the mud bowl of '48." "All right." "So, you know my predicament." "Of course." "Fortunately, my mud bowl was on st." "Patrick's day." "We won because the irish kids were totally schnockered." "[ laughs ]" "I feel like I was put on this earth" "To play fraternity football." "I mean, you should see me out there, rabbi." "I'm cutting, I'm juking." "I even hear a sportscaster narrating in my head." "Well, if it can't be the voice of God in your head," "You could do worse than a sportscaster." "Right?" "Okay, so, why would God take that away from me?" "Here's a crazy thought." "Perhaps hashem has a higher purpose for you." "And in tribute to that purpose," "You cannot play until after Sunday." "I knew you were gonna say that." "It's just I've never felt so needed before, rabbi." "I mean, isn't there something we could do?" "Well, you could pray for overtime." "But, barring that," "You need to decide what's most important to you." "I knew you were gonna say that, too." "Well, actually, while I still have you here," "One more thing, if that's okay." "Um, I know our people frown upon tattoos," "But, uh, what's our policy on something like this?" "Oy!" "You got bigger problems than Yom Kippur, kid." "[ '80s music plays ] [ knocking ]" "Joel, enter and sign in." "[ clears throat ]" "It's an expression, Joel." "What's up?" "I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute." "Just a minute?" "I could give you two." "Come in." "Thanks." "Make yourself at home." "Reno's casa is your casa," "Except for on the weekends, of course." "Okay." "Well..." "It's just I'm really feeling underwater right now." "You know, I feel like" "Everything's coming at me at once." "Ah, the male equivalent of the freshman 15." "The ladies put on the weight." "The guys start drowning." "So you felt like this, too?" "And you don't think you can keep up pace, right?" "Am I right?" "Don't answer that, Joel." "I know that I'm right." "[ sighs ]" "I was right, right?" "Yeah." "Right." "Yeah, believe it or not, Joel, everybody goes through this." "You know, college is about a lot more than classes" "And grades and going to the library." "Is this helping?" "Not yet." "That's okay." "There's more where that came from." "The thing about college, Joel," "Is that you can educate yourself in many ways." "A lot of different people" "Are gonna try to tell you what to do." "But, ultimately, it's up to you, Joel." "What's most important to Joel, Joel?" "See, that's what I'm trying to figure out." "Then you're 51% of the way there." "79% of people don't even try." "You know what I mean?" "Of course you do." "Okay." "Well..." "Good talk." "[ chuckles ]" "Take it from me, Joel." "You can have your beer and drink it, too." "Jason: ♪ and our flag was still there ♪" "♪ oh, say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave ♪" "♪ o'er the land of the free ♪" "♪ and the home of the brave?" "♪ [ cheers and applause ]" "Man:" "Omega Sig!" "[ cheers and applause ]" "♪ mexicanos, al grito de guerra -- ♪ man:" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "No, Hector." "Not now, Hector." "If not now, when?" "When we win!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "[ indistinct talking ]" "Whoo." "Hey, hey!" "Hey, hey!" "Oh, those bastards brought ringers." "Man:" "Cheaters!" "Man #2:" "Cheaters!" "It's general rules, gentlemen!" "Come on!" "Omega Sigs!" "[ cheers and applause ]" "Man:" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "[ whistle blows ] [ indistinct shouting ]" "[ indistinct shouting ]" "Why don't you get off my player, buddy?" "Get off me, Damon!" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Where's your diaper, baby boy?" "Yeah?" "Whoo!" "Man:" "Let's go, baby!" "[ '80s music plays ]" "[ whistle blows ]" "I know, I know, I know." "I got it." "[ shouts indistinctly ] I got it." "You're on, songbird." "Give it to us." "We need something." "We need something, baby." "Oh, do I have to?" "I mean..." "Come on." "Just do it." "We need spirit." "Spirit time, baby!" "Spirit." "Who dat say they gonna beat dem omegas?" "Yeah!" "Tell me who!" "[ all shout indistinctly ]" "Get down!" "Man:" "Hike, hike!" "[ whistle blows ]" "[ whistle blows ]" "Oh, my God." "I'm so nervous I can't stop eating." "Really, bro?" "'cause I haven't eaten anything" "In 231/2 hours." "Mm?" "Jason:" "Zeta blows!" "Eat my shorts, you lousy sports!" "I'm sorry." "[ crowd cheering ] [ airhorn blows ]" "Announcer:" "Halftime." "[ all cheering ]" "[ airhorn blows ]" "Announcer:" "Touchdown!" "Zeta Rho!" "[ indistinct shouting ] [ whistle blows ]" "Get lost!" "The play's over!" "Shapiro:" "Hey, Feldman." "How you holding up, kid?" "Rabbi, what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be holding service?" "No, turns out I know a jew who knows" "Who knows a jew who knows a rabbi who could use the work." "So I left him fill in for me." "Thank you." "Thanks for coming." "[ airhorn blows ]" "Announcer:" "Touchdown, Omega Sig." "All right, come on, songbird." "We need you." "I just did the "hit 'em high, hit 'em low" cheer." "Move those chains!" "Move those chains!" "Pass that ball and beat them brains!" "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "[ whistle blows ] okay." "Time-out." "Time-out, time-out, time-out, time-out. [ whistle blows ]" "Okay, okay." "Come on, guys." "Bring it in!" "Come on, guys!" "You can do it!" "All right, this is our last shot." "Down by 5." "5 seconds to go." "Exactly." "Everybody, focus." "All right, we're gonna dig deep." "All right, pull together." "There's no "me" in Omega Sig." "Actually, there is." "After the "o," before the "ga."" "It's pronounced "meh"!" "It's not "me."" "Come on, "me, meh, mo." who gives a damn?" "Let's win this!" "Exactly." "Everybody listen up." "All right, it's our last shot." "It's our last play." "We got how many yards to go?" "70." "Turbo:" "Damn!" "Man: 70." "It's not gonna happend for me, isn't?" "Feldman, the courage of your conviction" "Is an inspiration to every jew in this town." "So, basically like you and me." "And him." "Wait a minute." "I think the sun's setting." "It's just behind the trees." "That's close enough." "Really?" "I want to be a good jew, though." "You are a good jew." "Now go be a good brother." "You can atone for this next year." "You sure?" "Thank you." "Come here." "Thank you." "Guys." "Go get 'em." "Guys, I'm in." "I'm in." "Give me the ball." "Let me do my thing, huh?" "Eli, it's the last play." "We can't run the ball." "Yeah, and I can't throw the ball 70 yards." "And you know that." "And I know that." "And, what's worse, the zetas know that." "We don't have any other choice." "All right, we're going deep." "Put 'em in here." "Hail mary." "Omega Sig on 3." "Ready?" "Together: 1, 2." "No, no, no, no, no." "Wait." "Wait a second." "What?" "I think I have a better idea." "Hold on." "Oh." "Man:" "Yes!" "Man #2:" "The golden arm." "Brian, thanks for doing this, man." "Hey, we promise we're gonna protect your arm, right?" "Protect his arm, right, guys?" "All right." "Let's beat these assholes." "Man:" "All right!" "Now, listen up." "Here's the play." "All right, guys." "Last play." "Golden arm is in." "Fade back." "Protect the end zone." "[ laughs ] [ vangelis' "chariots of fire" theme plays ]" "Green. 86!" "Green. 86!" "Hut, hut!" "Hike!" "Keith Jackson:" "Inon:" "A vicious game,me," "Dominated by giants Sometimes it's the smallest warriors With the biggest hearts... [ cheers and applause ] ...Who bring intangibles that can only be measured" "By the size of their victory Unless they haven't eaten all day... [ whistle blows ]" "Man:" "Yeah!" "[ airhorn blows ] [ indistinct shouting ]" "Men: [ chanting ] Zeta Rho, Zeta Rho!" "Joel:" "You okay?" "Great call, Joel." "Oh, you were right." "That was beautiful!" "Yeah, but we lost." "Yeah, but what a loss, man." "[ laughter ]" "You all right, man?" "That was awesome!" "Whoo!" "[ '80s music plays ]" "All right, don't get too used to this, Feldman." "Man:" "Uh-oh." "'cause this is the last time" "You gonna see an Omega Sig brother serve a pledge." "But today you deserve it." "Thank you." "To Feldman." "Together:" "Feldman!" "[ crowd cheering ]" "Yeah." "Hey, buddy." "How you doin'?" "Well, I made a decision." "Oh, yeah?" "I'm gonna have my beer and drink it, too." "Oh, thataboy." "Oh, does this mean what I think it means?" "Well, it means I'm gonna figure it out, 'cause I'm sure not gonna miss any of this!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Hey, you guys want a hit from the game bong?" "Oh." "[ laughter ]" "Fitzy would be proud." "Together:" "Fitzy." "Fitzy." "You know, it feels pretty good taking the high road, guys." "Reno:" "Oh, is that what we're doing?" "'cause the whole time I thought we were just pulling" "Disciplinend maturity out of our asses." "I guess Professor Haines was right." "Retaliation's never the answer." "Okay, Hector." "Now." "Man:" "Yeah." "Man #2:" "Get it in here." "♪ mexicanos, al grito de guerra ♪ [ men singing indistinctly ]" "Here's a little shant for you." "That's exactly why I publish."