"23.976 English SDH from NTSC.RETAiL © 03-10-2015" "[ Woman Vocalizing ]" "[ Man ] That's right." "That's right." "Come on." "Come on." " No, don't stop." " [ Shaky Vocalizing ]" "Come on." "No." "No." "No." "Keep looking." "[ Vocalizing Continues ]" "You don't feel so good now, do you?" "Come on." "[ Vocalizing With Vibrato ]" "[ Man ] Let it out!" "Out!" "I'm an idiot." "I feel like an idiot." "Not so fast." "Not so fast." "Slower." "Slower." "Good." "Good." "Keep it specific." "Still a little tension in the mouth, Mac." "Good, good." "Okay, make it work..." "Make her work peripherally." "[ Man ] Michael, uh, Dorsey, is it?" "Yes." "That's right." "Mr. Dorsey, would you turn to page 23, please?" "Yes." "I believe, uh, you mean the first scene..." "Sorry, the second scene of the first act." "Second scene of the first act." "That's right." "Take your time." "Begin when you're ready." "Yes, of course." "[ Coughs ]" ""Oh, sweetheart, do you know what it was like... waking up in Paris that morning, seeing the empty pillow where..."" "Wait a minute." "Cover your breasts!" "Kevin is downstairs!" ""My God!" "What are you?"" ""I'm a woman." "Not Felicia's mother." "Not Kevin's wife."" "Thanks very much, Mr. Dorsey." "We need someone a little older." "Mom!" "Dad!" "Uncle Pete!" "Come quick!" "Something's wrong with Biscuit!" "I think he's dead!" "[ Man ] Uh, we're looking for someone a little younger." "They have din..." "Oh." "Can I just start again?" "I..." "I wanted..." "I didn't get kicked off right." "The reading was fine." "The reading was fine." "You're just the wrong height." "Oh, I can be taller." "No, you don't understand." "We're looking for somebody shorter." "Oh, look." "I don't have to be..." "I don't have to be this tall." "See, I'm wearing lifts." "I can be shorter." "I know, but really, we're looking for somebody different." "I can be different." "We're looking for somebody else, okay?" "What do you feel more deeply about than working?" "The part's the most important thing, but love sometimes is too." "This is improvisation." "You're the playwright." "But somebody writes a play." "They decide where the highs are, where the lows are, right?" "Now, you do it, and you may not be high where they're high in the writing." "You may not be low where they're low in the writing." "You may be high on "but"!" "You may be high on "and"!" "Of course they were doing it for dough." "They were doing it for dough the same as everybody does it for dough." "But the question is in the last analysis." "What were they doing for dough?" "You and me, for dough, we were advancing our free little non-Prussian careers... so when all hell broke loose and the Germans starting running out of soap... and figured, what the hell, we might as well cook up Mrs. Greenwald... who the hell do you think stopped 'em?" "[ Chattering Quietly ]" "Pardon me, but is my acting interfering with your talking?" "[ Michael ] Don't play a part that's not in you." "Don't say "he" or "she," like you did last week when you were doing Kitty, right?" "When you were doing Time of Your Life." "If you can't make the part yourself, then you can't play it." " Sasha." " Quick, get a priest." "No, Sasha." "No priest." " But you're dying, Count Tolstoy." " I know." "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost..." "I commit your soul to God." " My friends..." " That's super, Michael, love... but I wonder if you could move center stage on that last speech... and then die." "Why?" "The left side of the house can't see you at all." "You want me to stand up and walk to the center of the stage... while I'm dying?" "Well, I know it's awkward, but we'll just have to do it." " Why?" " I just told you!" "Now do it." " Because you say so?" " Yes, love." "Not with me as Tolstoy." "You gotta..." "You gotta work." "You gotta work." "There's no excuse for not working." "There's no excuse for not working." "There's unemployment when I started acting." "There was unemployment when all my friends started acting." "And it's not changed." "You got 90%, 95% unemployment, right?" "It's never gonna change." "You're an actor." "You're in New York City." "There's no work." "But you gotta find ways to work." "Two tortellinis, side of gazpacho, two house salads, please." "Ordering!" "Veal chop, medium." "Two scrods." "And an order of chicken." "Give me one of those scrods underdone, please." " What's the veggie on that?" " Sorry." "Baked potato." " How'd it go today?" " Terrible." "Did you rewrite the last scene?" " I did the necktie scene." " How is it?" "I'm very excited." "I think it's gonna change theater as we know it." "I hope so." "We'll work on it when we get home tonight." " Okay." " That's my flounder!" " No, no." "That is my flounder!" " Robert!" " Ordering!" " Hey!" "That's for the customers!" "Hey, man, I eat these things once a day... so when customers say, "Hey, do you eat his food?"..." "I can say, "Yeah, I eat his food."" " You rewrote the necktie scene, right?" " Yeah." " Good, good." "Without the necktie." " With the necktie." " With the necktie?" " Yeah, with the necktie." "With the necktie?" "The necktie is what's wrong with your play." " Okay." "The necktie's wrong with my play." " You take the necktie out, you got something." " What's wrong with you?" " What's wrong with me?" "I'll tell you what's wrong with me." "What's wrong with me, it is very depressing to be disagreed with." "Depression." "Today is your birthday, Michael, and you haven't mentioned it all day." "No, don't start in with that, man." "I'm a character actor." " Age has no effect on me." " That's good." "That's very good." "How does one not be depressed?" "Instead of trying to be Michael Dorsey, the great actor... or Michael Dorsey, the great waiter... why don't you just try to be Michael Dorsey?" "I am Michael Dorsey." "I am Michael Dorsey." "I don't know what the payoff is." " Say it like you mean it." " I am Michael Dorsey." "Fine." "Okay?" "Yeah." "Good." "Surprise!" "Oh." "[ Woman ] Speech!" "Speech, speech!" "No, no, no." "Wait, wait, wait, wait!" "Wait a minute!" "Wait a minute." "First a toast." "To Michael Dorsey, who, like it or not... makes you remember what acting's all about." " [ Man ] Being unemployed!" " [ Laughter ]" "To Michael, um, who's been my friend for six years." "Oh, was it that long?" " And who is my coach, and he's just great." " ## [ Imitating Violin ]" "He's a great coach, he's a great actor, he's a great guy." "And this is a really dumb speech." "Let's get drunk." "Happy birthday!" "# Happy birthday to you #" "# Happy birthday to you #" "# Happy birthday, dear Michael #" "# Happy birthday to you ##" " Hi." "How are you doin'?" "I'm Michael." " Michael." "Patty." " Are you an actress?" "You have a terrific face." " No." "That's a nice blouse." "Who'd you come here with?" "I don't want a full house at the Winter Garden Theatre." "I want 90 people who just came out of the worst rainstorm in the city's history." "These are people who are alive on the planet... until they dry off." "I wish I had a theater that was only open when it rained." "Strasberg said you create your own opportunities, and he's right." " Uta said that." " I don't care who said it." "The point is, Sandy and I are raising $8,000... to do Jeff's play up in Syracuse." "As soon as we raise the money, we're gonna do it." "You could do the same thing." "It's a great country." "Emily!" "Look who's here!" "Can I hold her?" "You do it in the Poconos!" "You can do it in Jersey City." "You seek 'em out and say, "I can't work." "I can't work."" " Michael!" " What?" " Isn't she's cute?" "He loves children." " You create your own opportunity." " He really does." " You make it, you make it." "You find a way to raise it." "I was looking at you from over there." "You got a terrific face." "You an actress?" " You are an actress." " Sometimes, yeah." " You were in Dames at Sea." " [ Laughs ] You saw that?" "Good work, really." "You have a great singing voice." "Oh, thank you." "I felt like there was an aura between us when I saw it." "Really." "No, I'm not kidding." "I don't know you, but I know you." "I bet you I can tell you something you don't know about yourself." " What's that?" " I bet you like to run barefoot on the beach." " Why are you so wired?" " It's my birthday." " I haven't worked in two years." " That's it?" " Yeah." " Nothing more?" "It hurts me." "Why don't you be the last one to take your coat off my bed tonight?" " Okay?" "Fine." "All right." " Really?" "Will you?" " Yeah." " Serious?" "Give me a hug." "Thank you for liking me." "I don't like it when people come up to me after my plays and say..." ""I really dug your message, man." "I really dug your play, man." "I cried."" "You know?" "I like it when people come up to me the next day... or a week later, and they say..." ""I saw your play." "What happened?"" "Look, I've got everything under control." "I'm gonna jump in a cab, go home, feed my cats 'cause I've got to feed them." "I'll be back in about an hour." "I can't make it tonight 'cause my roommate's upset." "We gotta work on the third act." " What do you mean, you can't make it?" " He doesn't want..." "He wants to work." "Give me your phone number and I'll call you next week." " I already gave you my phone number." " I thought you changed it." " Since an hour ago?" " Oh, no, you didn't." "That's a good point." "Let me talk to him." "He's upset." "I'll call you, I promise." "God!" "[ Panting ]" " Didn't anybody hear me?" " I guess not." "I've been trapped in that bathroom for a half an hour." "What kind of a party is this?" "God, you guys are having a good time, huh?" "Sorry." "I'll have to remember that if I ever do a scene where I'm trapped someplace, you know?" " ## [ Ballad ]" " That's nice, Michael." "Thanks." "Who is that?" " It's Mallory." "She's married to John." " Oh, yeah." "I did a thing about suicides of the American Indian... and nobody cared, nobody showed." "And I think the American Indian is as American... as John and Ethel Barrymore... and, uh, Donny and Marie Osmond." "I think it's really sad, but..." "I think that nowadays, when people dream... they don't even dream in their own country anymore." "And that's sick." "[ Michael ] No, I had a good time." "I just didn't know half the people here." "[ Jeff ] Well, it was late, and I wanted it to be a surprise." "I invited 10 people." "They all invited 10 people." "You met about 40 new people tonight, and I think they all liked you a lot." "I heard a lot of nice things about you." "You got new friends now." " Thanks, Jeff." " Good night, Sam." " Happy birthday, Mike." " Thank you, Sam." "You're one of the five people I knew tonight." " Great party." " Thank you." "Oh!" "Excuse me." "Miss Right?" "Miss Right?" "Well, good night, Michael." "It was a wonderful party." "My date left with someone else." "I had a lot of fun." "Do you have any Seconal?" "Come on." "I'll take you home." "I did have a good time." "I really did, Michael." "No, you didn't." "Wait a minute." "I didn't bring enough money for cab fare." "That's okay." "It's cheaper to get mugged." "Let's walk." " You sure?" " The fares are really insane now anyway." " Why didn't you have a good time?" " [ Voice Breaks ] I did have a good time." " What's wrong?" " Nothing's wrong." "What?" " What?" " Nothing!" "Nothing." "I just..." "I'm perfectly fine." "I just cry like this, like a tic." "Will you tell me what's wrong, or I'll kill you!" "Nothing's wrong, Michael." "I'm really very up." "You're worried about your audition tomorrow, aren't you?" " No, I'm not worried about that audition." " Why are you so worried?" " Because I'm not gonna get it." " Why not?" "'Cause I'm completely wrong for it." "Why?" "What kind of a part is it?" "A woman!" ""You don't have a man, so you want to act like one."" "You're wrong, Dr. Brewster." "I'm very proud of being a woman..." "All right, Sandy, wait a minute." "This guy treats you like dirt... because and you're a woman, and he's a big doctor, right?" "But you don't have to take that." "You can talk to him on his level." "Show me what you mean." "You're wrong, Dr. ..." "What are you doing, a Southern accent?" "You're wrong, Dr. Brewster." "I'm very proud of being a woman." "See, I can't do it as good as you." "Yes, you can." "Just turn the tables on him." "Come on now, will you?" "You're wrong, Dr. Brewster." "I'm very proud of being a woman." " Where am I off?" " I don't know what you're playing." "Well, I'm playing rage." "I'm enraged." "You told me to turn the tables on him, and I'm playing rage." " This is rage?" " [ Sighs ]" "I have a problem with anger." "Yeah, you certainly do." "But I'll tell you something..." "There's a hundred other actresses reading for this part who don't have a problem with anger... who aren't afraid of working, who aren't afraid to stick everything out on the line and do it!" " Well, don't get mad at me!" " Well, stop being a doormat then!" " I'm not a doormat!" " Act right now!" "Do it." " You're wrong, Dr. Brewster." "I am..." " Come on." " You're wrong, Dr. Brewster." " What do I have to do, hit you with a stick?" "You're wrong, Dr. Brewster." "I am very proud to be a woman." "And I'm proud of this hospital." "And before I see it destroyed by your petty tyrannies..." "Have the anger." "Don't show it to me." "Don't push." "I will recommend to the board that you be thrown out into the street." " Don't lose it now." " Good day, Dr. Brewster." "Don't whine like you're a second-rate actress." "I said good day." " Not bad." "Pretty good." " Did you feel how much I hated you?" " Yeah." " Did you really?" "You felt it?" " That's why I'm leaving." " Wait a minute." "Where are you going?" "How am I gonna get it back tomorrow?" "How am I gonna get a total stranger to enrage me?" "All right." "I'll pick you up at 10:00 and enrage you." "[ No Audible Dialogue ]" "[ Woman On P.A. ] Bruce Fortune to telecine." "Bruce Fortune to telecine." "Uh, Bennett?" "Stanz." "Uh, Bloom?" " Is this what I'm supposed to look like?" " That is what you look like." " That's not funny, Michael." " That's good." "Keep that." "Don't lose that anger." "No sequins, Alfred." "She's attending her husband's funeral." "Jackie, as soon as Ron gets here, hmm?" "In." "Um, Lester." "Lester." " Sandy Lester?" " Yes." "Here." " Stop it!" "[ On P.A. ] Julie Nichols, makeup, please." "Bye-bye." "Good morning, ladies." "Okay." "All right." "Please bring your résumés and follow me." " Okay." "Wish me luck." " Fuck you." " Thank you." " Fuck you." " Thank you." " Go." "God bless you." "Here, you'll recognize some of your favorite characters from Southwest General... including John Van Horn, who has played the venerable Dr. Medford Brewster... since the very first episode aired some 20 years ago." "Now, if you'll follow me, we'll head into Studio "B"... where the episodes are actually taped." "[ Woman On P.A. ] Andrew Donovan, report to Wardrobe, please." " I didn't get it." " What?" "They wouldn't even let me read." "What do you mean they wouldn't let you read?" "I mean, they wouldn't even let me read." "They said I wasn't right physically." "They wanted somebody tougher or something." "I don't know." " So I'm going home." " Okay." "I'll walk you." "[ Sniffles ] To San Diego?" " What are you talking about?" " I'm talking about I'm going home." "I'm getting out of here." "I hate it here!" "I'm 34 years old." "I paid $24 for these glasses." "That's all I do is buy things." "I want to be a waitress." " I'll be anything." "I'll be a wife." " You're gonna read now." " I don't want to, really." " Shh, shh, shh." "Excuse me." "Is Terry Bishop working here today?" "No, he's no longer with the show." "Mr. Bishop is rehearsing The Iceman Cometh for Broadway." " He's what?" " He's rehearsing The Iceman Cometh for Broadway." "That..." "That was my part." "I was supposed to be up..." "I'll be..." "I..." "I gotta see somebody." "Don't do anything rash." "Will he be back?" " Excuse me." "Is George Fields in?" " Yes, he is." "Now, wait a minute." "You can't just go in there!" "Michael, he's tied up right now, I swear." "Hang on one second." "Michael, would you wait outside, please?" " I'm talking to the Coast." " This is a coast too, George." "New York is a coast too." "Oh, boy." "Sy, are..." "Sy?" "God..." "Look what you..." "Margret, get him back, will you?" "I cut myself off." "Now what is it, Michael?" "Terry Bishop is doing Iceman Cometh." "Didn't you promise to send me up for that part?" "Am I wrong?" "Didn't you tell me I was gonna get a reading for that part?" " Aren't you my agent too?" " Stuart Pressman wants a name, Michael." " Oh, I see." "Terry Bishop is a name?" " No." "Michael Dorsey is a name." "When you want to send a steak back, Michael Dorsey is a name." " Okay." " Wait, wait, wait, wait!" "I'm..." "You always do this to me." "That was a rotten thing to say, and I know it." "Let me start all over again." "Terry Bishop is on a soap opera." "Millions of people watch him every day." " He's known." " That qualifies him to ruin Iceman Cometh?" "I'm not gonna do this." "I'm not gonna have this conversation." "I can act circles around that guy." "I already played that part in Minneapolis." "If Stuart Pressman wants a name, that's his affair, okay?" "This is gonna disgust you, but a lot of people are in this business to make money." "Don't make me out like I'm some flake." "I am in this business to make money too." " Really?" " Yes." "Harlem Theatre for the Blind?" "Strindberg in the park?" "The People's Workshop in Syracuse?" "Wait a minute." "I did nine plays in eight months up at Syracuse." "I happened to get great reviews from the New York critics." " Not that that's why I did it." " Of course not." "God forbid you should lose your standing as a cult failure." "Do you think I'm a failure, George?" "Is that what you're saying to me?" "I will not get sucked into this conversation, Michael." "I will not." "Look, I sent you a play to read that my roommate wrote." "It had a great part for me in it." "Did you read it?" "Where do you come off sending me your roommate's play for you to star in?" "I'm your agent, not your mother." "I'm not supposed to find plays for you to star in." "I'm supposed to field offers, and that's what I do." "Field offers?" "Who told you that, the agent fairy?" "That was a significant piece of work." "I could have been terrific in that part." " Nobody's gonna do that play." " Why?" "Because it's a downer." "Nobody wants to produce a play about a couple that move back to Love Canal." " But that actually happened!" " Who gives a shit?" "Nobody wants to pay $20 to watch people living next to chemical waste!" " They can see that in New Jersey!" " I don't want to argue about it." "I'm gonna raise the $8,000 myself so I can produce his play." "I want you to send me up for anything." "I don't care what it is." "I will do dog commercials on television." "I will do radio voice-overs." " Michael, I can't put you up for any of that." " Why not?" "Because no one will hire you." "That's not true." "I bust my ass to get a part right, and you know I do." "Yes, and you bust everybody else's ass too." "That's what you do." "A guy's got four weeks to put on a play." "You think he wants to argue about whether or not Tolstoy can walk when he's dying... or walk when he's talking, or sing when he's walking?" "Please, that was two years ago, and that guy is an idiot." "They can't all be idiots, Michael." "You argue with everybody!" "You've got one of the worst reputations in this town, Michael." "Nobody will hire you." "Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me?" "No." "That's too limiting." "Nobody in Hollywood wants to work with you either." "I can't even send you up for a commercial." "You played a tomato for 30 seconds, they went a half day over schedule... 'cause you wouldn't sit down." "Yes." "It wasn't logical." "You were a tomato!" "A tomato doesn't have logic!" " A tomato can't move!" " That's what I said!" "So if it can't move, how's it gonna sit down, George?" "I was a stand-up tomato, a juicy, sexy beefsteak tomato!" "Nobody does vegetables like me!" "I did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway." "I did the best tomato, the best cucumber!" "I did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass!" "Michael." "I'm trying to stay calm here." " You, uh, are a wonderful actor." " Thank you." "But you're too much trouble." "Get some therapy." "Okay, thanks." "I'm gonna raise $8,000 and I'm gonna do Jeff's play." "Michael, you're not going to raise 25 cents." "No one will hire you." "Oh, yeah?" " Dorothy Michaels?" " Yes." " George Fields your agent?" " Yes." "Okay, ladies." "Please bring your pages and follow me." "Rita, this line, that "you have every right to happiness"..." "I hate it." " [ Rita ] Cut it." " Ron, this is Dorothy Michaels." "Our director, Ron Carlysle." "That's our producer, Rita Marshall." "Dorothy didn't bring a résumé, but George Fields is her agent." "Mm-hmm." "That's very impressive." "Gosh, I'm afraid you're not right for this role though, honey." "I'm sorry." " Thanks for coming by." " Why?" "Page 285." "Do you want camera one or two on that?" " Camera two." "And tell Art about that." " Why am I not right, Mr. Carlysle?" "Well, I'm just trying to make a certain statement here... and I'm looking for a very specific physical type." "Mr. Carlysle." "I'm an actress." "I'm a character actress." "I can play this part any way you want." "Honey, I'm sure that you're a very, very good actress." "Give me an idea of what you're looking for." "You're a little bit too soft and genteel." "You're not threatening enough." "Not threatening enough?" "How's this?" "You take your hands off me, or I'm gonna knee your balls through the roof of your mouth." " Is that enough of a threat?" " That's a start." "Yes, I think I know what y'all really want." "You want some gross caricature of a woman... to prove some idiotic point like power makes women masculine... or masculine women are ugly." "Shame on the woman who lets you do that, on any woman who lets you do that." "And that means you, dear." "Ms. Marshall." "Shame on you, you macho shithead." "Jesus." "What is idiotic about power making a woman masculine?" "Not that that was my point." "I..." "[ Rita ] Ms. Michaels." "Just a minute." "Was that for real in there, or were you auditioning for the part?" "Which answer will get me a reading, Ms. Marshall?" "Well, good for you." "Come." " Ms. Michaels?" " Yes?" "Oh, thank you." "You really think she's worth testing for this, huh?" "She told me no director had ever communicated a part to her so fast." " She said that?" " Mm-hmm." "I like her... accent." " Hi." " Uh..." "Hi." "I gotta get these pages back in order quick." "They'll never know the difference." " I'm a little nervous." " [ Chuckles ]" "Just think of them as something friendly." " What?" " Like a firing squad." "[ Ron ] Okay, Ms. Michaels." "We're gonna do a little camera test now." " Yes." " Let me have a right profile, camera one." " Camera three, give me a left profile." " What side?" "Left side." "Which way for your left?" "What?" "If that my left or your left?" "Wait..." "Wait a minute." "What are you talking about?" " My left?" " Your left?" "Ms. Michaels, nobody's talking to you." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I thought you wanted my profile." " Not so close on camera three." " Camera three, back off." "I'd like to make her look a little more attractive." "How far can you pull back?" " How do you feel about Cleveland?" " Knock it off." "That's good right there, Harvey." "All right." "Dorothy, honey, we're gonna try one." "Okay?" "Yes?" "Now, let me see exactly what you showed us a while ago." "Cue her, Jo." ""I know the kind of woman you are, Emily... getting older, never been married." "You don't have a man so you want to act like one."" "All right, just shut your mouth right now." "When you talk to me, you talk to me professionally." "You don't get personal." "That is totally inappropriate behavior." "I'm very proud of being a woman, Dr. Brewster." "I'm very proud of this hospital, and you should be too." "And I must tell you... that before I let it be destroyed by your petty tyrannies... by your callous inhumanity, sir..." "I'm going to recommend to the board that you be turned out into the street." "Good day, Dr. Brewster." "I said, good day, sir." "Thank you." "Uh, hold it a minute." " Tough cookie." " Well, I gave her that direction." "Something more though." "[ Ron ] Boy, I don't know." "It's your decision, but there's something about her that bothers me." " Doesn't it bother you?" " I like it." "We'll send the contracts over to George today, Ms. Michaels." "Excuse me." "I wonder if you could help me." "I'm looking for the Russian Tea Room." "This is the Russian Tea Room." "Right here." "You're standing in front of it." "Oh, well, my stars, so it is." "Well, this is very embarrassing." "Yeah." "Well, this is it." "Thanks very much." " How are you doing, Mr. Fields?" " Good to see you." " Nice to see you." "Please sit down." " Thank you." " Your waiter will be here in just a minute." " Thank you." " [ Man ] George, how are you?" " Hey, Ronnie." "How are you?" "[ Coughing ]" " Hi." " Wait a minute." "Wait, wait, wait." "I'm new in town and I'm awfully lonely." "I wondered if you wouldn't mind buying me lunch." "Wait, wait." "Hold it." "You can't come..." "Gregory, this..." " Stop!" "[ Coughing ]" " It's okay." "It's okay." "George." "George, George, George." "[ Normal Voice ] It's Michael Dorsey, okay?" "Your favorite client." "[ Dorothy's Voice ] How are you?" "[ Normal Voice ] Last time you got me a job was a tomato." " Oh, no, no, no, no." " Yeah." " Swear to God." " Michael." "Yeah." "Oh, God." "I begged you to get some therapy." "I know." "You also told me that no one would ever hire me again." "Jesus Christ." "You think this is gonna make a difference?" "I got a soap, George." "I'm the new woman administrator on Southwest General." " You oughta congratulate me." " You what?" "They almost didn't hire me 'cause they thought I looked too feminine." " Something from the bar?" " Isn't that amazing?" "Please, can you get me a double vodka right away, please?" " For the lady?" " Oh. [ Clears Throat ]" "How 'bout a Dubonnet with a twist?" " Yes, ma'am." " Thank you." "That's a lovely blouse." " Thank you." " You're welcome." " You're not gonna get away with this." " I got away with it." "Look around." " I don't believe this." " Why not?" "I mean, I believe it." "I just don't believe that anybody else is gonna believe it." " You wanna bet?" " D..." "Don't say that." " Hi, Phil." " You know Joel Spector." " Hello, Joel." "How are you?" " How you doin'?" "Hi." " Hi." " Hi." "Listen, I talked to Stuart." "I talked to him yesterday." "He'll be one more week in London, and then he definitely..." " Uh, then he def..." " I missed you." " Then he definitely..." " [ Loud Clattering ]" " Then he definitely wants to meet." " Such a tickly wickly." "You've never been that ticklish before." "We go back years." " He'll call you." " We haven't been introduced." " Joel Spector." " Joel..." "I'm sorry." " How are you?" " Sorry." "This is, uh, Michael..." "So rude." "Dorothy Michaels." "Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you." " May I say, Mr. Weintraub..." " that you are the best director..." " Producer." "Sorry." "Producer on the Broadway scene today." "Thank you." "Thank you, Ms. Michaels." " Hope to see you again." " Yes, let's have lunch." " Fine." "George." " Nice meeting you." "You know, he's very handsome." "I think you oughta represent him." " You are psychotic!" " No, I'm not." "I'm employed." " # I got the whole world in my hand #" " Shut up." " I'm not gonna make fun of you." " Just don't get close to me." "I want you to loan me a thousand dollars till payday." " For what?" " For what?" "For what?" "I gotta have something to wear besides this." "I won't let you not buy it." "It's the most becoming dress you've had on." "But I think it makes me look dumpy." "That's because you're wearing ankle straps." "Believe me, with a few alterations..." "Yoo-hoo!" "Taxi!" "Taxi!" "Taxi!" "Taxi." "Thank you." "Thank you." "What are you doing?" "I was here first!" " [ Angry Chattering ]" " Whoa!" "I was here first!" "What a nerve!" "Thank you!" "[ Michael ] Those women were like animals." "I saw this one beautiful handbag on sale, but I was too frightened to fight for it." "I mean, they're vicious." "They kill their own." "The woman that finally bought this handbag I know did time." "Now I don't have a decent handbag." "See this lingerie?" "You know what it cost?" "And the makeup?" "I don't know how a woman can keep herself attractive and not starve these days." " Can I have a little more cottage cheese?" " Is this the one you wore today?" "Oh, I've got to set that before I go to bed." "Easy, easy, easy." "Please." "I'm dieting." "Please." "I gotta get up at 4:30, do a close shave." "I already called the studio and told them I gotta do my own makeup 'cause I have an allergy." "Mike, I really appreciate your doing this, but it is just for the money, isn't it?" "It's not just so you can wear these little outfits?" "I'm not even going to answer that." "It also happens to be one of the great acting challenges an actor could have." "[ Sighs ] You know what my real problem is though?" "Cramps." "No, not cramps." " Sandy." " Sandy." "How am I gonna tell her they cast a man instead of her?" " She gets suicidal at a birthday party." " Don't tell her." "Where am I going to say I got the money from?" "What am I gonna do, tell her somebody died and left it to me?" " Oh, my God!" "When did she die?" " Last week." " Of what?" " A disease." " Gee." "What a coincidence." " Mm-hmm." "I mean, your needing $8,000, and her dying... and leaving you exactly that much." " Isn't it?" " It's..." "Well..." " All right, kid." " Oh, it's mine?" " Start learning your lines!" " I'm excited!" " You should be." " It's the greatest part." " I want to take you out to dinner." " Really?" "Yeah!" "It's about time we start celebrating something." " To Return to the Love Canal." " Come on." "Hurry up." "I'll jump in the shower." "I'll take five minutes!" "Be right back." "Hurry, hurry." "Hurry!" "[ Water Running ]" "[ Dorothy's Voice ] Well, yes." "Yes." "## [ Sandy Humming ]" "# Ma, meh, me, mo, mu #" "# Ma, meh, me, mo, mu-ooh-ooh #" "# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh #" " [ Sighs ] - ## [ Sandy Vocalizing ]" "Hmm." "Hmm." "Hmm." "Michael, you know, we could stay here if you want to." " [ Gasps ] What are you doing?" " Ooh!" "God!" "Ooh." "I'm..." "Michael." "Sandy, I want you." "You want me?" "I want you." "I want you." " Will I ever see you again?" " What?" "Sandy, we've known each other for six years." "I know, but sex changes things." "I mean, I've had relationships where I know a guy... and then I have sex with him... and then I bump into him someplace, and he acts like I loaned him money." "Well, that's not me, okay?" "I'll call you tomorrow." "Michael, I know there's pain in every relationship." "I would like to have my pain now, okay?" "I mean, otherwise, I'll just wait by the phone." "And then if you don't call, I'll have pain and wait by the phone." " It's a waste of time." " All right." "Let's make it definite." "Dinner tomorrow." "[ Alarm Ringing ]" "[ Man ] # Hey #" "# Ain't we met someplace?" "#" "# What a face #" "# Whoever you are #" "# Big brown eyes #" "# Winking back at me #" "# I can see #" "# We're gonna go far #" "# Go, Tootsie, go #" "# Roll, baby, roll #" "# Sweet Tootsie Roll #" "Psst, psst, psst." "Mom?" "[ Sighs ]" "What do you think?" "Hurry." "I'm late." "Turn around." "Smile." "Say something." "[ Dorothy's Voice ] How do you do, Jeff?" "It's nice to meet you." "You look very nice." "Nice." "[ Normal Voice ] The hair's not right." "No, it's kind of high." "You've got kind of a Howard Johnson thing going there." "Do something." "I can't be late my first day." "Come on." "Well..." " Easy, easy!" " It's not your head." " Okay?" " Let's see." "Well, it works." " But what?" " Well, don't play hard to get." "[ Dorothy's Voice ] Taxi!" "Taxi!" "[ Normal Voice ] Taxi!" "[ Man ] Okay." "Thanks a lot." " Come on." "Let's go." " Hi." "Dorothy Michaels." "Southwest General." "Oh, yeah." "Ms. Michaels." "That's TV 2." " That's straight ahead, take the first right." " Thank you." "Is that clock right?" " Right on the money." " I couldn't get a cab." " Thank you." " Hi, Bobby." "This is Ms. Michaels." " How do you do?" " You'll be in Room 4, Ms. Michaels." "We'll need you on set in about 15 minutes." "Right." " Oh, I'm sorry." " Hi." " Oh, that's..." "Oh, geez." " Oh, it's quite all right." "I'm April Paige." "How you doin'?" "You okay?" " My, what a nice-looking table." " Really?" "Yes, it's very, uh, smooth." "And that's a very good idea." " A socket for a plug." " Yeah." "Well, we get everything." "Yes, I see." "Just push all that stuff out of the way." "Make yourself at home, okay?" "# Dum, dee-dum, dee-dum #" " [ Knocking ]" " Yes?" "One more thing, Ms. Michaels." "I forgot to give you these." "Thank you." "Oh, are these for today?" " Yes." " They always throw stuff at you at the last minute." " You could lose your mind around here." " Oh, goodness." " What's wrong?" " I have to kiss Dr. Brewster." "Ah, yeah." "He kisses all the women on the show." "We call him "The Tongue."" "Okay, quickly now, the tubes have pulled out of Rick's nose." "Julie, there's been an alert at your station." "Rick, get on the floor." "That's why the tubes pulled out." " Okay." " Now, when Julie starts... stuffing the tubes back up your nose, you grab her." " And I mean hard." " Right." " In his condition?" " Absolutely." "He's been out of his mind since he fell through the ice." " Also, Rick, in your delirium, you thinks she's Anthea." " Mr., uh..." " Mr. Carlysle, I..." " Jesus Christ!" " I wonder if we could have a little more hammering here!" " [ Hammering ]" "[ Hammering Stops ]" "Now, when you grab her, maybe you even say, "Anthea." "Anthea."" "That's good." "Is my violin here somewhere in the room?" "No, your violin sunk." "It's at the bottom of the lake." " Now, Lisa..." " The violin fell through the ice?" " He was playing during the thaw." " Oh." " You're Dorothy Michaels, aren't you?" " Yes." "I'm John Van Horn." "We're up next." "[ Sprays ]" " [ Clears Throat ]" " Now, Julie, honey." "When he grabs you, you've got to be torn here." "You've got to struggle because you know... you've got to get those tubes stuck back up his nose." "But at the same time, you realize that you're in the arms of a man... whose music was everything to Anthea." "It was her whole life." "I mean, this is a man who stood by you after Ted's breakdown." " Right." " Bernie, get me a bagel and cream cheese." " Julie, you want anything?" " No, no." "She's fine, thanks." "So it's a struggle, but you're struggling with yourself as well." "Do you understand?" " And I lose, right?" " Come on, baby." "Get down here a minute." "Now, then, Rick, it says when she comes down to her knees... it inflames your desire." "God knows it always inflames my desire." "Okay, big John, Dorothy." "Come on in." "I wanted to ask you..." "Everybody, this is Dorothy Michaels, the new hospital administrator." " Hi." "Hi." " Hello, Dorothy." "Hi!" "We met the other day." "Julie Nichols, hospital slut." "Oh, no." "Mr. Carlysle..." "Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but we have so little time, we can't even rehearse." " Just a teeny little question about..." " What I'm gonna do is show you your marks." " We're gonna go straight to tape." " Me and Dr. Brewster and that kiss." "Big John, enter from here, obviously." "You see them struggling, you cross to right here... and then you cry loudly, "Nurse Charles, are you insane?"" "Yes." "I see." "Will it be on the teleprompter?" " "Loudly?"" " Yeah." "Who do I say that to?" " Nurse Charles." " Nurse Charles." " See, I thought when Dr. Brewster..." " Now, tootsie, come here." " You will enter from here." " Uh-huh." " You cross over to this mark." " Yes, I know my mark." " But I thought that when I..." " The corridor scene will be played right here." "Yes, I know." "See, I just wanted to ask you concerning the doctor..." "[ Man ] Places, please." "Stand by." "Tape is rolling." "[ Jo ] Five, four, three..." " Anthea!" "Oh, Anthea." " Please..." "Freeze up." "Ready 125." "Oh, Anthea." " I have to get these tubes in your nose." " Nurse Charles!" "Are you insane?" "I'm Emily Kimberly, the new hospital administrator." "Nurse Charles, what on earth is going on here, dear?" "Help me get her to her feet, Miss Kimberly." " One's up." " John's going." " Anthea." " Oh!" "Nurse Charles, tend to your patient and faint on your own time." " Is that clear?" " Yes, Miss..." " Kimberly." " Kimberly." "Dr. Brewster?" "You and I must talk." " Talk to me, Rita." "You want to keep rolling?" " It's okay, it's okay." "The girl saved it." " You haven't changed at all, Emily." " Oh, but I have, Medford." "You know, Emily, there's no reason for us to be in opposite camps." "We can rule Southwest General together." "I admire people with power." "Women with power especially." "God, she hit him on the head." "Rita, she hit him over the head." "[ Michael ] ...and then not consider a threat?" "I'm afraid, Dr. Brewster, that you have underestimated me." "If you want to win me over, you'll have to deal with my mind... and not my lips." " Cut it." " And stop tape." "I was supposed to kiss her." "You know, Mr. Carlysle, it was just an instinct." "I kept remembering what you said to me about my character... being more threatening." "It was a good instinct." "It would have been mine." "Wait a minute." "I'll handle the instincts here." "Now, it happened to be a very good instinct, toots... but next time you wanna change something... you discuss it with me first, do you understand?" "Uh, yes, I was wrong not to." "Good girl." "Okay." "Big John, wonderful." "Wonderful!" " Thank you." " All right, people." "Item seven." "In the corridor." " Thanks for catching me." " Oh, sure." "You saved my ass, literally." " Dorothy." " Yes?" "I just want to say I loved what you did in our scene." " Thank you." " Welcome aboard." "Well, you know, you were good -- [ Groaning ]" "Mm-hmm." " [ Sighs ] - [ Sprays ]" "Can I have your autograph?" "I've been watching this show forever." "It's so great." "Wonderful." "Oh, thank you." "Thank you, Ms. Nichols." "That was certainly an exhilarating first day." " Yeah, you tell me about it next week." " Well, good night." "Julie." "Come on, baby." "Oh, can we drop you somewhere?" "Maybe you'd like to join us for a drink?" " No, thanks." "I feel like walking." " Okay." "Bye." "[ Siren Wailing in Distance ]" "[ Michael ] She's really a very, very attractive girl." "She's no dummy either, but for the life of me..." "I cannot understand what she's doing hanging around with that director." "He treats her like she's just, uh, nothin'." "I think you're right." "I'm gonna rewrite the necktie scene without the necktie." "I don't like the way he condescends to me either." "Calls me sweetheart, calls me honey." "He doesn't even know my name." "Calls her baby." "He pushed me around today." "I'm telling you, if I didn't have the dress on, I would have kicked his arrogant ass in." "How'd you ever end up communicating with this guy?" "Well, he told me what he wanted." "I didn't agree with him." "I didn't say anything." "I did it the way I wanted to." "He balled me out." "I apologized to him." "That was that." "I think..." "I think Dorothy's smarter than I am." "I just wish I looked prettier." "I look in the mirror, and..." "Maybe I can just get a softer hair or something... 'cause she deserves it." "[ Phone Ringing ]" " No, no!" "Don't answer that." " Why not?" "No, because it could be for Dorothy." "Please." " Why did you give 'em this number?" " I had to." "The show has to contact me in case they change the schedule." "I had no choice." " I'll answer it and find out." " No, no, no!" "I don't want them to think Dorothy's living with a man." "It's wrong for her." "She lives alone." "Could be for me." "This could be important." "Why don't you answer it as Dorothy?" "I can't answer it as Dorothy." "What if it's Sandy?" "What if it's Diane?" "How do I explain that there's a woman here?" "I'll get a service tomorrow." "You know, when you were playing Cyrano... and you stuck a saber underneath my armpit through the couch..." "I didn't say anything." "When you were hopping around, ranting about your hump... saying that this was a bell tower, I didn't say anything." "But I don't see any reason why I should just sit here... pretending I'm not home just because you're not that kind of girl." "That's weird." " Where are you going?" " I'm going to Diane's." "That way if anybody wants to reach me, including Diane, they can talk to me." "But what do you think I'm doing this for?" "For you, for the play, for Sandy..." "[ Door Closes ]" "Yeah, well, I told you to give me the pain yesterday, Michael." "[ Michael, Faint ] Sandy, I'm sorry." "I..." "I can't talk." "I just don't have the energy." "I think I have a virus." "I didn't forget." "I just may have the flu or something." " Oh, Michael." "Do you have a fever?" " I think so." " How much?" " I don't know." "Oh, my God." "Go right to bed and take two aspirin... and bundle up and sweat and drink plenty of liquids." "And above all, take 1,000 units of Vitamin "C" every hour with milk only." "[ Chattering ]" "Did you give Norman an overdose on purpose?" "I don't know." "I don't write this shit, you know." "Sign right here." "Dr. Brewster..." "He's only mean because he's so insecure." "I have to be tough on him 'cause he just wants my body." "Dorothy, you're so bad!" " You know, you look just the way you look." " Well, thank you." " You know, you're very attractive too." " [ Julie ] Dorothy?" "I want you to meet my dad, Les." "Well, it's nice to meet you, Les." " It feels as though I know you already." " You know, I just love your daughter." "[ Inaudible Dialogue ]" "[ Woman ] What?" "[ Gasps ]" "Well, I can't write any clearer than I can write, man." " It's in English." " Wait a minute." " What do you think of those?" " For Sandy?" "No, for me, for Dorothy." "Not exactly, but that kind of idea." " It's a little overstated." " Really?" "Wait a minute." "Geez." "That's her!" " Nurse Charles!" " Shh, shh, shh!" "You got it." "Thursday, what time?" "8:30." "I will not forget." "Okay." "Bye-bye." "Things have been so much better since you came to Southwest General." "We're all so grateful to you." " "For?"" " For your help and advice." ""Well, I really think of... [ Clears Throat ] you all as my-my-my daughters." "And what kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits?"" "Tips." "It's "tips."" "Tips." "I think you'll find you picked the wrong man to challenge, Miss Kimberly." "It was you who..." "Look at me when I talk to you, Dr. Brewster." "I don't trust a man who won't meet my eye." "I don't trust it in a bank teller." "I don't trust it in an insurance salesman." "And I certainly don't trust it in a chief surgeon." "Now, it was you who provoked this confrontation." "You're an incredibly insensitive woman, Miss Kimberly." "Stop thinking of me as a woman, Medford, and start thinking of me as a person." "That's what Southwest General is made of... people." "Oh!" "And have Nurse Charles see me immediately." "Okay, one, push in for a close-up." " Not too close!" " Not too close!" " Okay, hold it there." " And cut it!" " Stop tape." " [ Buzzer Sounds ]" "Dorothy, it was wonderful the way you held my face." "You controlled me completely." "I felt your power." "Thank you, John, but, you know, you had some great moments." " Really?" " Yes." "Hold it." "Good news, children." "Our brilliant engineering staff has once again erased an entire reel of the show." "So, we have to re-tape 14, 15 and 16." " [ All Groaning ]" " Hey, hey, hey." "It's either that or do it live tomorrow." "I think we should tape it, don't you?" "[ Jo ] Okay, that's a wrap." "See you bright and early 6:30 tomorrow." "[ Giggling ]" " Good night, Dorothy." " Good night." "[ Woman On P.A. ] Helen Browning, your car is waiting at the north entrance." "That's some day, huh?" "What?" "Oh, you mean about doing it over again?" "Tell me, does that happen often?" "Every once in a while." "We actually had to do it live once." " Live?" " You should have seen Van Horn's face." "Course, you couldn't see Van Horn's face... 'cause he was so panicked, we had to shoot him from the back." " You want some wine?" " No, thanks." "I better be getting on home." "I have to wash my hair." "Thanks anyway." " Dorothy?" " Yes?" "Listen, I know this is exactly what you want to hear right now... but we've got 26 pages tomorrow." "I was just wondering if you could find it in your heart... to come over and run some lines with me tonight." " Well..." " I could make you something to eat." "Night, Faye." "I'm a born defroster." "What do you mean, you don't have a thing to wear?" "She has seen me in all of these." " She hasn't seen you in the white thing." " What, this?" " Yeah." " You cannot wear white to a casual dinner." " It's too dressy." " You couldn't wear pants?" "No." "No." "Pants." "I can't..." " What about this thing?" " No, I don't have the right shoes for it." "I hate the way the horizontal lines make me look too hippy." "And it cuts me across the bust." "I think we're getting into a weird area here." "This is smart." "What about this?" "Seriously." "You look like you should be ringing a school bell." "This may seem silly to you, but this is our first date." "I just want to look pretty for her." " Hi." " Hi." "What a pretty outfit!" " Well, I'm glad you like it." " Come on in." "Thank you." "I brought you something." " Dorothy, you didn't have to do that." " It wasn't nothing." "Come on in." "I'll put them in some water." " Oh, what a big apartment." " Yeah." " And what a lovely, lovely room." " Is it?" " Yes, it's yummy." " I had a decorator do it." "Before the show, no money." "Since the show, no time." " She's asleep, finally." " [ Gasps ]" "She scared the daylights out of me." "Miss Nichols, that child is never gonna learn anything if you keep..." "Thank you, Mrs. Crawley." " Dorothy Michaels, Mrs. Crawley." " Oh, I'm sorry." "I didn't know." " Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you." " She scares the shit out of me." " Scared me to death." "Drop your coat here." " Who is it?" " Amy's nanny, and she hates me." " Who's Amy?" " My daughter." "Oh!" " She was 14 months old last week." " I didn't know you had a baby." " Have you got any kids, Dorothy?" " Oh, no, no." "Mm-mmm." "Were you ever married?" "No." "I haven't been that fortunate." "I was engaged once though to a brilliant young actor... whose career, unfortunately, was cut short... by the insensitivity of the theatrical establishment." " It killed him?" " In a manner of speaking, uh-huh." "Sutton gave up acting and me as well." "He's working now as a waiter in a disreputable restaurant." "I don't wanna talk about it." "Maybe you'd like a little wine." "No." "I think I better keep sharp when we work." " Do you mind if I ask you a question?" " Mmm." "Do you worry about using so much heavy makeup on your skin all the time?" "No." "I don't worry." "[ Laughs ]" "I have a little mustache problem." "I'm a little sensitive to it." "Probably just too many male hormones or something." " [ Giggles ] - [ Laughs ]" "Well, some men find that attractive." "I know." "I know." "I just don't like the men that find it attractive." "Uh, I take it you're divorced?" "No." "I've never been married." "Perhaps I'll just have one little drink." "Tell me about Ron." " How much time you got?" " Go on." "Well, Ron." "Hmm." "Ron is, hands down, the best director of daytime drama." " Did they tell you not to call it a soap yet?" " Uh-uh." "There was a time when anybody called it a soap opera in front of a civilian..." "Rita would fine 'em a quarter." "I think that's how she bought her Mercedes." "You're not telling me about you and Ron." "That's nighttime drama." "He's interesting there too." "Oh, you mean he's..." "You mean you have a good relationship." "I don't know." "What's a good relationship, Dottie?" "Oh..." "Can I call you Dottie?" " Oh, please do." " Ron's smart, and he's funny." " [ Teeth Rattling ]" " We've got things in common." "Listen, do you know any guy who's interested in a woman who wants her dinner at 4:00... is unconscious by 9:00 and goes to work at dawn?" "But how does he treat you?" "Ah, that." "Listen, you don't think I'd do this without a plan, do you?" " Which means?" " There are a lot of men out there." "I'm selective." "I look around very carefully." "When I find the one I think can give me the worst possible time... that's when I make my move." "[ Julie ] All my lines sound like subtitles for a Czech movie." "Listen." "Try answering as if the question took you by complete surprise." " What do you mean?" " I'm gonna ask you a question." "You answer it." " Okay." " Why do you drink so much?" "When you grow up the way I did, an orphan raised by a sister 16 years older..." " Mm-hmm." " you've got few illusions." " There you go." " Did it make a difference?" "Yes." "You got it." "Aw, thanks, Dorothy." "Why do you drink so much?" "'Cause it's not fattening and it's not good for me." "How many things can you say that about?" "You're telling me I should mind my own business?" "I just don't think you should worry about it." " I mean, it's nice of you, but..." " But I should mind my own business." "Okay." "I mean, it's all so complicated, isn't it?" " What?" " All of it." "Truthfully, don't you find being a woman in the '80s complicated?" "Extremely." " You know what I wish just once?" " What?" "That a guy could be honest enough just to walk right up to me and say..." ""Listen, I'm confused about this too." "I could lay a big line on you." "We could do a lot of role-playing." "But the simple truth is I find you very interesting... and I'd really like to make love with you."" "Simple as that." " Wouldn't that be a relief?" " Heaven." "Sheer heaven." "Ron was supposed to come over last night." "I had dinner all ready for him." " He never showed up." " [ Gasps ]" "Oh, my Lord!" "What time is it?" "It's 10:30." "I got to go." "Listen, forgive me for rushing off like this." "It was a wonderful dinner." " The dinner is burned." " I'm sorry I'm late." "Listen, I was taking a shower." "Really, the water got turned off." "I got soap in my eyes." "Slipped on the soap." "I had to go to five different stores to get your favorite flavor... chocolate chocolate chip." " Michael, I saw her." " What are you talking about?" "Saw who?" "When you were so late, I went by your place." " When?" " Tonight." "I waited outside." "I saw that fat woman go into your apartment." "Fat woman?" "The one in the raincoat." "Oh, that woman!" "That's a friend of Jeff's." "She came over to help him with the play." "Th-Th-Th-They've known each other for years." " Hmm." " Do you really think she's fat?" "It was dark in the stairway, but, yes, I thought she was fat." "And since when does Jeff start collaborating on his plays?" "She's an old friend." "She happens to be an excellent typist." " Ha." " Look, Sandy." "I'm not having an affair with the woman that came into my apartment, all right?" "It's impossible." "Michael, I don't want to make trouble." "I never should have people over for dinner." "They never show up." "I'm sorry." "I feel guilty." "You feel guilty." "I'm sorry." "Don't do that, Sandy." "Don't apologize to me because I'm three hours late." "You should be furious." "You've just been so great to me, Michael." "You were so terrific to help me with the audition for that soap." "It's that soap!" "Ooh, that soap!" "[ Chuckles ] By the way, did you see that cow they hired?" " Cow?" " Huh." "They must have gone a different way." "She is awful." "Well, I heard she was pretty good." "Baloney." "She's supposed to be tough, right?" "She's supposed to be tough." "She's not tough." "She's a wimp." "Maybe it's the lines." "After all, she doesn't make up her own lines." "I think she should." "They couldn't be any worse." "[ Chuckles ]" "I can't move out, Miss Kimberly." "I have no place to go." "I don't know what to do." "Don't lie there cringing' and tell me your husband beats you... but you can't move out." "Why should you move out?" "It's your house too." " What is she saying?" " Freeze up." "Ready, one." "Do you know what I'd do if somebody did this to me?" "If they came around again, I'd pick up the biggest thing around... and I'd take it and I'd just... bash their brains right through the top of their skull... before I let them beat me up again!" "Well, I can't afford therapy, Miss Kimberly." "Therapy?" "Who said anything about therapy?" " Cut it, Ron." " Yeah." "Cut it." " [ Buzzer Sounds ]" " Wait a minute." "Her line is..." "Okay, wait a second." "May I say in my own defense, Ms. Marshall... that to tell a woman with two children, no money... and a husband that beats her up like this with a broken arm and a bashed-in face... to move out of her house into a welfare center in order to get therapy... is just a lot of horseshit!" "Excuse me." "I wouldn't do it." "Would you?" " I can't act with this." " Oh, shut up." "Ron?" "[ Woman ] The entire cast of Southwest General." "[ Julie ] I'm partially to blame, Miss Kimberly." "I know I'm pretty, and I use it." "I guess I shouldn't have gone to Dr. Brewster's office so late." "Well, no, that's not true." "Dr. Brewster has tried to seduce several nurses on this ward... always claiming to be in the throes of an uncontrollable impulse." " Do you know what?" " Uh-oh." "I think I'm going to give every nurse on this floor... an electric cattle prod... and instruct them to just zap him in his badoobies." " [ Sputtering Laugh ]" " Cattle prod?" "Ruby?" "Hi." "You wanna open up the yellow pages... under the section of farm equipment, retail?" "# Go, Tootsie, go #" " # Roll, baby, roll # - [ No Audible Dialogue ]" "# Sweet Tootsie Roll #" "# Hey #" "# Tootsie, you and I #" "# We're riding high #" "# Rolling along #" "# You're a real #" "# Razzle-dazzle, you #" "# Whatever you do #" "# Keep singing your song #" "# Go, Tootsie, go #" "# Roll, baby, roll #" "# Sweet Tootsie Roll ##" "[ Michael ] I am Dorothy." "Dorothy is me." "Nobody's writing that part." "It's coming out of me." "You are Michael." "You're acting Dorothy." "It's the same thing." "There's a woman in me." "I'm experiencing these feelings." " Let's not get carried away with this." " Why can't you get me a special?" "Please." "I could sing as Dorothy." "I could do some monologues." "I feel I have something to say to women, something meaningful." "Listen to me, Michael." "You have nothing to say to women." "That's not true!" "I have plenty to say to women." "I've been an unemployed actor for 20 years, George!" "You know that." "I know what it's like to sit by the phone, waiting for it... waiting for it to ring." "And when I finally get a job, I have no control." "Everybody else has the power, and I got zip." "If I could apply that experience to other women like me..." "Listen to me, Michael." "There are no other women like you." "You're a man." "Yes, I realize that, of course, but I'm also an actress." "Michael, I don't think we should argue about this, really." "A potentially great actress." "I could do Medea." " Great actress." "Right." " I could do Ophelia." "I could do Lady Macbeth just like they did in Shakespeare's day." "Why don't you get the writers at the agency..." " I could do a great Eleanor Roosevelt." " I got a terrific idea." "We could do the Eleanor Roosevelt story." " The Eleanor Roosevelt story?" " Yes." "What's the matter with that?" "I could be brilliant." "Phil Weintraub's party is Saturday night." "Let's just go." "Have a good time, have a couple of drinks, don't take yourself so seriously." " He never invited me to a party before." " I'm inviting you... me." "No, it really looks great." "He did a fabulous job on your eyes." "But I can't blink for a week." "Really." " I don't like it here." " Stand up straight." "Gordon." "This girl's an analyst." " No, actually, I'm a therapist." " It's the same thing." "What do you want to drink?" " A double champagne." " Sure." "What is this?" "Just serve yourself?" " Hi." " Hi." "What would you like?" "Uh, give me two..." " [ Woman ] Excuse me, could we..." " Two what?" "Of anything." " I'm sorry." "I didn't..." " Just a couple of champagnes." "Thanks." " Hi." "Can I get you something?" " Vodka on the rocks with a twist, please." " Hi." " Hi." "You don't remember me, do you?" "Yeah, when I came through the door, I thought you looked familiar." " What's your name again?" " Suzanne." " Suzanne." "Mm-hmm." " Call Pamela Green." "She's my agent." "There's a lot of interest over at Paramount." "I'll know right after the first." "I'll read it after the first." "Actually, I'm not that crazy about the script." "I'm having a rewrite done, and I'd like to show you some of the changes." "Maybe we could have dinner." "Call Pamela." "She handles me for dinner." " Do you have a light?" " Oh." " So, how you been?" " Great." " Good." " You look wonderful." "Thank you." "Silly me, I already had dinner." "I didn't know there would be so much food." "Oops." "It's for my dog." "He likes fruit." "Hi." "Mike Dorsey." " Uh-huh." " Great view, huh?" "Only Phil could afford all those lights." "You know, I could lay a big line on you... and we could do a lot of role-playing... but the simple truth is... is that I find you very interesting... and I'd really like to make love to you." "You know?" "It's as simple..." "Simple as that." "I understand who you really are... and I'll no longer submit to your petty insults and humiliations." "It's not necessary now that Emily Kimberly is here... now that someone who sees the truth is your equal." "Listen, Doctor." "I filed charges against you with the A.M.A." "You'll be notified tomorrow." " And cut it." " [ Rita ] Cut!" "A good one." "[ Applause ]" " [ Mouths Words ]" " Jules." "That was great." " Thanks, John." " [ Rita ] Lovely job, Julie." "First rate." " [ April ] You were wonderful." " Yeah, thanks to my coach." " No, no." "You did it yourself." " Was it okay?" "I mean..." " Perfect." "I loved the middle part..." " So much for the mutual admiration society." "Let's move on to item 17." "Jo, clear this set." "I'll need Alan, Tom and John." "Tootsie, take 10." "Ron." "My name is Dorothy." "It's not tootsie or toots or sweetie or honey or doll." " Oh, Christ." " No, just Dorothy." "Now, Alan's always Alan, Tom is always Tom, and John's always John." "I have a name too." "It's Dorothy." "Capital D-O-R-O-T-H-Y." "Dorothy." "Excuse me, Doctor." " Did somebody die?" " Violinist." "Oh, I didn't know he was that sick." "He wasn't." "He asked for a raise." "I'm sorry about what happened out there." "I was..." " Listen." " I was a little upset." " What are you gonna do for the holidays?" " Why?" "Well, the baby and I are going to go up to my dad's farm, upstate." "It's not exactly the fast lane, but it's... it's kind of fun." "Maybe you'd like to come along." "Oh." "Um..." "You know, since my dad met you, he's your biggest fan." "Is Ron coming too?" "Would that make a difference?" " Well..." " Actually..." "I think he has to stay in town and work." "Oh." "If it matters..." "I've always hated women who treat other women as stand-ins for men." "It's not that, really." "I'd just like you to come." "I just want to be real careful and not get up too soon or I'll have another relapse." "Listen, Michael, isn't there some way we could rehearse... and actually be in the same room together?" "We will, Sandy, right after the weekend." "So I'll call you Monday, okay?" "Thanks." "Bye-bye." "You know where my nightgown is?" "The pink one?" "One with the flowers..." "Oh." " Listen to me." " What?" "Stop packing." "Don't do this." " Why?" " You should not do this." "In two weeks, I'll never see Julie again." "If I do, it'll be as Michael Dorsey, and she'll throw a drink in my face." " Where's my makeup kit?" " How long you gonna keep lying to Sandy?" "Come on." "It's for her own good." "I never told Sandy I wouldn't see other women." "Come on." "And if I did tell her, it would only hurt her feelings... and I don't want to hurt her feelings... especially since Julie and I are just girlfriends." "I'm just afraid that you're gonna burn in hell for all this." "I don't believe in hell." "I believe in unemployment, but I don't believe in hell." "[ Dog Barking ]" "Hi." "[ Kissing Sounds ]" " Wait." "Let me get those." " Oh, well, thank you." "Ooh." " Strong little thing, aren't you?" " Well, no." "Come on, Dorothy." "I'll show you the house." " Careful coming up here." " Well, it really is old, isn't it?" "Here we are." "I'll set up the crib in a second." "You girls unpack your bags, and we'll get going." "Wait, what, are we sharing?" "Oh, the rest of the upstairs is still shut off." "Besides, I know you girls." "No matter how far apart I put you, you'll sneak back together again... and spend the night giggling." " [ Cooing ]" " He still thinks I'm 12." " Which side do you want, Dorothy?" " I think the one closest to the bathroom." "Don't worry." "I won't take up much room." "All you do is take it between your thumb and your forefinger... then let every finger roll down individually." " Like this?" " That's it, yes." "My goodness." "Ooh!" "That's all right." "[ No Audible Dialogue ]" "[ Man ] # Time #" "# I've been passing time #" "# Watching trains go by #" "# All of my life #" "# Lying on the sand #" "# Watching seabirds fly #" "# Wishing there would be #" "# Someone waiting home for me #" "# Something's telling me it might be you #" "# It's telling me it might be you #" "# All of my life #" "# Looking back as lovers go walking past #" "# All of my life #" "# Wondering how they met #" "# And what makes it last #" "# If I found the place #" "# Would I recognize the face?" "#" "# Something's telling me it might be you #" "# All of my life ##" "It's special up here, isn't it?" "I'm glad you came." " Listen, can I tell you something?" " [ Les ] Sweetheart?" " Huh?" " Ron is on the phone." " [ Coos ]" " Hi." "I'm sorry." " What, Dorothy?" " Nothing, nothing." " I think I'll put her down." " That's good." "Bye-bye." "Gets a little chilly out here." " Well, no." "I was just..." " I brought this sweater for you." "Thank you." "That's very nice of you, Les." " Well, thank you." " Ah." "[ Swing Cracks ]" "Well, I wonder if we're going to get any stars out of the sky tonight." "Well, I've got my stars... you and Julie." "## [ Ballad ]" "# That's all #" "# That's all #" " Oh." " That's so beautiful." "I should have transposed it for you." "It's a wonderful thing for a lady to play a piano." " My mama insisted." " Who wants another drink?" " Oh, I'm fine." " You better take it easy." " Remember Injun Joe." " What's that?" " Don't you tell that story." " Oh, tell me." " There's this bar that Daddy hangs out in." " I don't hang out there." "One night he and Injun Joe threw back a few too many." " Oh, hard liquor." " [ Les ] Isn't she awful?" "They thought they saw this elk and stalked it around in the dark for a couple hours." "They finally got it cornered up against Charlie's barn." "Just about the time they're ready to blast the thing's head off, it mooed." "Oh, it was a cow?" "[ Laughing ]" "That's enough laughing at your old man!" "Hey, you know this one?" "# For it was Mary #" " Wait a minute." " ## [ Same Notes ]" "# Mary #" "# Long before the fashion came #" "# And there is something there #" " # That sounds so square #" " Whoo!" "# It's a grand #" "# Old #" "# Name ##" " Bravo!" " That was Julie's mother's name." "Mary Juliet Cooper." "Well, I'm going to bed." "What do you say, Dorothy?" "You want to hit the hay, as they say on the farm?" "What?" "Oh, well, I think I'll..." "You are both..." "[ Clears Throat ] Both of you go to bed." " I'll stay up and play." " I'll stay up with you." " Oh." " Well, I'm going." " [ Kisses ] Good night." " Good night, dear." " Good night, Dad." " Good night, hon." "Sleep well." "Be good." "[ Chuckling ] Nice girl, isn't she?" "Very sweet." "Very sweet." "I'm kind of glad old Ron didn't come up." "You know, I am too, actually." " Really?" " Yes." " I'm sorry." "Please, sit down." " Thank you." "I thought you'd be more like one of those..." "you know, one of them liberators." "Well, you know, I'm not really like the woman you see on the show." "I mean, that's just a part." "I'm not all that militant." "Don't get me wrong." "I'm all for this equal business." "I think women ought to be entitled to have everything and all, et cetera." "Except sometimes I think what they really want is to be entitled to be men." "Like men are all equal in the first place, which we're not." " No." " Can I get you another drink?" "Mm-mmm." "I must keep my wits about me tonight." " Tonight?" " Oh." "Well, always." "You know, I can remember years ago there was none of this talk... about what a woman was, what a man was." " You just were what you were." " Mm-hmm." "And now they have all this stuff about... how much you should be like the other sex so you can be all more the same." " I'm sorry, but we're just not." "You know?" " Right." "Not on a farm, anyway." "Bulls are bulls, and roosters don't try to lay eggs." " Never." " [ Chuckles ]" "You know, my wife and I, we were married a lot of years." "People got it all wrong, you know?" "They say your health is the most important thing... but I can lift this house off the ground, what good is it?" " Being with someone, sharing." " Yes." " That's what it's all about." " Mm-hmm." " Julie tells me you're not married." " No." " Like another drink?" " No." " You sure?" " Yes." "Oh, well, you know what?" " I think it is about that time." " Aw." "Hey, thanks for staying up and talking." "Oh, don't even mention it." " You know, you have beautiful eyes." " Oh, well, thank you." "Good night, Les." "Daddy's a little out of touch, isn't he?" "No, very sweet." "Very sweet." "He sees things pretty simply." "You're either happy or unhappy." "Married or not married." "There's nothing in between." "I tried to get him to take out other women after Mama died, but..." "You know, she must have been a very special person." "I guess so." "I don't remember her very well." "I remember her helping me pick out this wallpaper." "I'd chosen one with great big purple flowers on it." "And she said to me..." ""Just remember that once you choose it... it's gonna cover the walls of your room for a long, long time."" "So I tried to imagine what those big purple flowers... were gonna look like on all the walls of my room... every night when I was falling asleep... and every morning when I was getting dressed." "So I said to her..." ""Which one would you choose, Mom?"" "And she said, "The one with the daisies and the little rosebuds... because... daisies are such homey flowers... and rosebuds are so cheerful and always waiting to bloom."" "That's lovely." "I made a million plans looking at this wallpaper." "[ Inhales, Exhales ]" "I was always waiting for these rosebuds to open." "That's nice." "My mother used to do that too sometimes." "Good night, Julie." "Good night, Dottie." "[ Chattering ]" "[ Woman On P.A. ] Cathy Campbell, please call your office." "It says "cool."" "But don't you think I should be angry?" "Doesn't it play better that way?" "Yes." "Why don't you try that?" "This just came to our dressing room for you." "I think it's from Julie's father." " Oh, my." " Now don't you dare eat any of those." "You don't want to ruin that cute figure of yours." "What a thoughtless present to give a woman." " Chocolates!" " [ April Giggles ]" "[ Woman On P.A. ] Dorothy Michaels, Rita Marshall's office." "Dorothy Michaels." "You know, Dorothy, you're a complicated lady." "On the one hand, you're a real pain in the ass." "I've got one of the most expensive directors in soaps." "I owe myself a quarter." "You've got him defensive and hostile." "Oh, I don't mean to." "However, we're getting 2,000 letters a week... and we've picked up three share points." "And it's largely due to you." "You are the first woman character who is her own person... who can assert her own personality without robbing someone of theirs." "You're a breakthrough lady for us." "We're picking up your option." "You'll be with us another year." "Congratulations." "[ Gulps ]" "Come on, Michael." "What are you talking about, get you out of it?" "We can't." "There's no way out of it." "It's a one-way option... theirs." "What are you talking about?" "Who gave them that?" "You did." "You signed the standard contract." "I signed the contract, but I didn't know..." "I was gonna be working the rest of my life as a woman." "I know it, but you gotta find some way to make it work." "They're willing to pay." "They're gonna go from 650 to 850 an episode." "Get me out of this." "I don't care how." "Or I'm gonna go in and tell them." "Tell 'em what?" "That you deliberately put an entire network on the spot?" "That you're making a fool out of millions of American women every day?" "They'll kill you!" "I got a secretary wants to be like Dorothy Michaels." "I'm ready to fire her." "We're talking major fraud here." "Major fraud!" "You can't tell 'em." "What about me?" "You think anybody's gonna believe I wasn't in on this?" "They'll kill me." "This is not like ruining yourself by walking out on some play." "This is ruining me too." "You can't do it." "You gotta find a way to make it work." " Can you take that many Valium?" " We'll see." "You know, maybe there's a morals clause in your contract." "Perhaps if Dorothy did something really filthy or disgusting... they have to let you go." "But I really can't think of anything filthy and disgusting... that you haven't already done on your show." "[ Phone Ringing ]" "[ Answering Machine Beeps ]" "Dorothy?" "[ Clears Throat ] It's Julie." "Listen, there's sort of an emergency." "Well, I mean, it's not really an emergency... but if you get a chance, would you call me?" "Are you sure you want to do this?" "No, but I'm going to." "Oh, I've been fooling myself about Ron for too long now." "I guess I really wanted you here for moral support, Dorothy." "Although I actually did fire Mrs. Crawley today." "I really did." " Did you want a drink?" " I'm not the one breaking up with Ron." "Oh, I'd buy a ticket to that." "You have influenced me though, Dorothy." "I've been seeing Ron through your eyes lately." "Julie, I don't want that responsibility." "Why not?" "Why shouldn't you influence me?" "Listen, you wouldn't compromise your feelings like I have." "You wouldn't live this kind of lie, would you?" " No, I wouldn't, but..." " Of course not, and you're right." " It's just..." " What?" "I deserve something better, you know?" "I don't have to settle for this." "I really don't." "It's just that I've always been too lazy or scared or too something." "Don't be so hard on yourself." "What the hell?" "I'll live, won't I?" "Maybe not happily, but honestly." "Hmm." "Sounds like something you'd say." "Julie, you mustn't idealize me." "Honesty, in many ways, is a relative term." "Now, listen, my father's coming." "If he calls, don't tell him anything about this, okay?" "He's driving down tonight." "I'm sure he's gonna want to see you." " Oh, me?" " [ Doorbell Rings ]" " Oh, God." " Oh." "It's Ron." "[ Inhales Deeply ]" "Oh, Dorothy." "God bless you." " Wish me luck now." " Always." "I feel that little mustache." "Maybe you should put makeup on it." " Hi." " Hi." "How you doing?" "What's going on?" " Oh, Dorothy's gonna sit with Amy." " Oh." " I'll be right back." " Okay." "Hi, honey." "You don't mind if I call you "honey" when we're not working, do you?" " Nice dress." " Thank you." "You don't like me, do you?" "I mean, I can respect that, but there's..." "There's not many women I can't make like me." "Why don't you like me?" " I don't like the way you treat Julie." " Oh?" "I don't like the way you patronize her." "I don't like the way you deceive her." "I don't like the way you lie to her." " What do you mean?" " You want me to go on?" "No, I know what you mean." "[ Sighs ] Look, Dorothy, I never promised Julie I'd be exclusive." "I never said I wouldn't see other women." "It's just that I know she doesn't want me to see other women... so I lie to her to keep from hurting her." "That's very convenient." "Now, wait, wait, wait." "Look at it from my side." "See, if a woman wants me to seduce her, I..." "I usually do, but then she starts pretending like I promised her something." "Then I start pretending like I promised her something, but..." "I mean, in the end, I'm the one that's exploited." "Bullshit, Ron." "You know what?" "I understand you a lot better than you think I do." " Really?" " Mm-hmm." "[ Julie ] I'm ready." "Well, Julie's ready." "She sure is." "Oh, Dorothy, she never wakes up." "But in case she does, there's a little applesauce in the fridge." "You can give her a couple spoonfuls." "Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" "Don't be silly." "How much trouble can a baby be?" "Go on." " [ Crying ]" " It's okay." "Oh, it's okay." "I'm gonna be..." "Oh, please don't cry." "Please don't cry." " [ Bawling ]" " Please don't..." "Oh!" "Oh, I love you." "I love you." "Look how much fun we're having." "[ Wailing ]" "It's all right." "It's all right." "[ Normal Voice ] It's okay." "It's Uncle Dorothy." "Please don't cry." "Please don't cry." "Please..." "No, don't..." "Oh, come on." "Oh, here's funny clown." "Funny clown's talking to..." "Here, look." "Come on, Amy." "Hello, Amy." "Amy." "Amy." "Give me a break, will you?" "Here." "Come on." "Will you eat some more now?" "You told me to open up this one." "This is apri..." "[ Crying ]" "Gotcha." "Gotcha." " You want a little more apricot?" " [ Grunts ]" "Don't do that anymore now." "Don't do that to Aunt Dorothy." "Come on now." "You're gonna go to sleep after this." "Try this one, and then I'll put you..." "I don't like you." "It's not funny." "Amy, look at this." "She's gonna probably have to paint the kitchen." "Here, look at yourself." "See what a bad girl looks like?" "##[ Toy:" "Lullaby ]" "[ Michael Snoring ]" "[ Snoring Continues ]" "[ Amy Grunts ]" "[ Snoring ]" "Dorothy?" "[ Dorothy ] I'll be right there." " Hi." " Hi." " How's Amy?" "She any trouble?" " Not at all." "She was an angel." " Oh, great." " You all right?" " Oh, fine." " Hmm?" "What's the matter?" "Julie?" "[ Chuckles ] I think..." "Tell the truth now." "Are you sure you're all right?" "[ Chuckles ] No." "Why?" "Who am I gonna have dinner with?" "[ Chuckles ] Oh, God, I hate myself for being like this." " You know something funny?" " What?" "And I don't want you to take this the wrong way." "But since I met you..." "I'm so grateful to have you as a friend, and yet at the same time..." "I've never felt lonelier in my whole life." "It's as though I want something that I just can't have." "You know what I mean?" "Do you?" " Dorothy?" "Dorothy?" "My God..." " Let me explain..." " No, please, don't say anything." " But there's a reason." " I understand the reason." " No, that reason's not the reason." "See, I'm not the person you think I am." "Wait a minute now." " Nobody is." " Easy." " Dorothy, it's me." " No, it's me." " No, it's me." " No, it's me." "No, it's me." "I'm just not well-adjusted enough." "I'm sure I've got the same impulses." "Obviously, I did have the same..." "Don't jump to conclusions about that impulse." "That impulse is a good impulse, Julie." "If you could just see me out of these clothes..." " No, no, no, no!" " What?" " [ Phone Ringing ]" " Oh, my God, that's my father." " You've got to tell him." " Tell him?" " Tell him." " Tell him what?" "That I..." "That's a corncob." "Hello?" "Hi, Dad." "Fine." "I'm here with, uh, Dorothy." "No, I can't tonight, Daddy." "Wait." "Dorothy." "You've gotta see him." "I don't care what you tell him, just don't lead him on." " Please don't make me do that." " You gotta let him down gently." " I can't." " You owe me that." "Hello?" "Hi, Les." "I'm fine." "How are you?" "Tonight, sure..." "Tonight?" "## [ Up-tempo Dance ]" " What'll you have, Dorothy?" " Just water." " Water and bourbon." " On second thought, straight scotch." "Scotch and bourbon." "I'd like to..." " Let's dance." " What?" " This is my favorite dance." " Oh, really, I don't dance." " You'll love it." " But I'd rather..." " Follow me." " Please, I don't..." "I don't..." "I don't..." "You know what?" "Really, I'd rather not..." " Just relax." " You're very good." " My wife and I took a course." " I could tell at once." " Emily, we love you." " You're fabulous." " You're wonderful." "Wonderful." " Just love you." " You're even prettier in person." " [ Woman Laughs ]" "I'm sorry." "I forgot that you're on your feet all day." " I think..." " Come on." "Sit down." "Yes, we should stop." " Thank you." " Thank you." "I was real happy when you could come out tonight." "I know you usually got a lot of lines to learn." "Les, I think there's something I better say." "There's something I want to say too." "Wouldn't it be funny if we both wanted to say the same thing?" "It would be hilarious, but I don't think what I have to say is what you have to say." "Mine's pretty simple." "I'm not too good with words anyway." "You know, I only took two pictures in my whole life:" "my high school graduation and my wedding." "And my wife was standing next to me in both of them." "Now, I never thought I'd want anybody to fill her place." "All that changed last weekend." " Lester..." " Leslie." " Leslie..." " Don't interrupt me." "I gotta do this in one go or I won't get through it." "I know this is kind of quick, but that's how I am." "Never did believe in not getting down to it." " Oh!" "Oh!" " Don't say anything now." " Oh, no." " I know it's fast, but..." " I don't..." " Take time to think about it." " Please!" " Then if the answer's no... at least I'll feel you took me seriously enough to think about it." "Would you mind terribly?" "I just need to be alone." " I'd like to start thinking it over soon as possible." " [ Laughing ]" "Dorothy?" "[ Whispers ] This is a nightmare." "Don't be angry with me." "I just had to talk to you." " How did you know where I live?" " I followed you home last night." " What?" " I just didn't have the courage... to talk to you on the phone without seeing your face." " Could I come up for a drink?" " No!" "You cannot come up." " I have a terrible headache." " Oh, please." "I'll only take a tiny moment of your time." "No, no." "I'll see you on the set tomorrow and we'll talk about it." "I mean..." "[ Stammering ]" "Go home." "Have you been drinking?" " # I'll know #" " Oh, my..." " # When my love comes along #" " Oh, Jesus." "# I'll know then and there #" " # I'll know at the sight of it #" " Hey, icállate la boca!" "[ Dorothy ] Shh!" "Shh!" "Are you out of your cotton-pickin' mind?" "Come on up." "I'm on the third floor." "Hurry, before someone calls the cops." "Jesus!" "Shh!" "Come in, John, but you can just stay a minute." "Can I have a drink?" "Anything alcoholic will do." "Just one drink and I'll be on my way." "Oh, all right, but I've got..." "Nice mirror." "[ Sighs ]" "[ Spraying ]" "Now, what is it that couldn't wait, John?" " Dorothy..." " What?" "I'm..." "I'm just an untalented old has-been who..." "Oh." "Were you ever famous?" " No." " Then how can you be a has-been?" "[ Laughs ] I love the way you never let me get away with anything." " Dorothy." " Yes." " I want you." " I beg your pardon?" "I've never wanted a woman this much." "Oh, please, John." "Please, perhaps another time." " Don't turn me away." "It'll kill me!" " It's not you personally." "I don't want to get involved emotionally at this time." " Then I'll take straight sex." " I don't want to hurt you." " I don't mind." " Holy shit." " [ Door Opens ] - [ Dorothy ] Ooh." "[ Dorothy ] Uh... [ Grunts ]" "[ Breathing Heavily ]" "John Van Horn, Jeff Slater." "[ Clears Throat ] Jeff Slater, John Van Horn." " How do you do?" " How do you do?" " I'll be going." " I think it's best." " Gee, I hope I haven't..." " No, I hope I haven't." "I want you to know for the record, Jeff, that... nothing happened here tonight." "Thank you, John." "I'm sorry, Dorothy." "I didn't understand." "I'm really sorry." "Please don't talk about this." "My lips are sealed." "You slut." "Do-Do-Don't start in with me." "Don't-Don't do that." "[ Exhales ] Rape is not a laughing matter." "That guy wanted me." "You cannot believe the night I have had tonight." " I think I could imagine." " Oh, no, you can't." "I saw the look in his eyes." "I was in big trouble." "If you don't come in, I'm in the Daily News the next morning." "How did you ever let him in here?" "What do you mean, how did I let him in?" "He was singing." " Is he that good a singer?" " What do you mean..." " [ Knocking ]" " That's him!" "It's him!" "Tell him I'm in the bedroom crying." "Don't let him in!" " Michael." " It's Sandy!" "Sandy?" "It's Sandy." " It's Sandy." " I can't let her see me like this." " [ Jeff Groans ] - [ Sandy ] I hear you in there." "Jeff, open the door." "It's me, Sandy." "Open the door!" " Sandy, is that you?" " Yes, it's me." "What time is..." "What time is it?" "I fell asleep, I guess." "I was having a nightmare and you were in it." "Uh..." " Mike is in the shower." " I'm in the shower!" "I got soap in my eyes!" "I'll be right out!" "Sandy, I'm not dressed." "My clothes are in the other room." "I was asleep." "I was dreaming." "It's funny, you were in my dream." "You had big teeth but you were still a nice person." " I had big what?" " I gotta get something on." "Be right back." " Are you having a party or something?" " I'm in the shower!" "Tell her the water is stuck!" " I got soap in my eyes and there's no water coming out!" " Aaah!" "Ow!" "[ Sandy ] Michael!" " I can't come out!" "I got soap in my eyes!" " Jeff, open the door!" "I can hear you in there, you guys." "Open the door!" " Michael!" " [ Banging ]" " Open this door." " Door was open." "[ Sighs ] Well, you must think I'm really stupid or something." "Oh, no one would call you stupid to your face." "Jeff, I've been out there for 10 minutes." "Sounded like you guys were having a party in here." "Well, Mike was in the shower." "You know." " Hi, Sandy." "I was taking a shower." " He was in the shower." " I was in the shower." " Good shower?" "Good shower." " Why haven't you returned my phone calls?" " Oh." "Since I'm awake, I think I'll go do some writing." " Excuse me." " Wait." "I'll be right back." "I got a present for you." " Pigs." " I'm so glad you came over." "I've been meaning to give this to you." "Here." "It's for you." "Oh." "I suppose this means nothing is wrong, huh?" "Well, nothing is, is it?" "Well, Michael, I've called you every night this week." " You haven't returned my calls." " Really?" " You treat me like I'm a jerk..." " What are you talking about?" "I called every night and you didn't return my calls." "It's a new answering machine and it's no good." " Don't use this shit." " I'm gonna answer my own calls." "I went to six different stores to get your favorite kind." " Chocolate-covered cherries?" " Yeah." "Oh, and a card." "This is..." "No!" "Don't read it!" "I was very, very angry when I wrote that." ""Thank you for the lovely night in front of the fire." "Missing you." "Les."" "This isn't even for me." "This is another girl's candy." "I wouldn't give you another girl's candy." "I swear." " Then whose is it?" " Mine." "A guy named Les is sending you candy?" "Yes." "He's a friend of mine." "He can't eat candy, he's diabetic." "Why is he thanking you for a lovely night in front of the fire?" "My mind's a blank." "Michael, are you gay?" " In what sense?" " Michael, just be honest with me." "Tell me the truth." "For once in your life, tell me the truth." "Because these stories, they are very demeaning to me." "[ Sighs ]" "No matter how bad the truth is... it doesn't tear you apart inside like dishonesty." "Dishonesty." "At least it leaves you with some self-respect and some dignity." "You're right." "[ Exhales ]" "Okay." "Okay." "I'm not gonna lie to you anymore." "I'm gonna tell you the truth." "Sandy..." "[ Sandy Sniffles ]" "I'm in love with another woman." "[ Screaming ]" " Sandy, wait..." " What are you saying to me?" " Sandy, please." " Ooh, you liar!" "You liar!" " We never said we loved each other." " Why do you do this to me?" " I don't base things on..." " I'm crazy about you." "You're one of the dearest friends I ever had." "Let's not pretend we're something else." "We're gonna lose everything we had." "I never said "I love you." I don't care about "I love you."" "I read The Second Sex!" "I read The Cinderella Complex!" "I'm responsible for my own orgasm!" "I don't care!" " I just don't like to be lied to!" " You asked me to be straight with you." "I knew this was right." "I didn't tell you how I'd feel about it though, did I?" " Please." "What can I do for you?" " There is nothing you can do for me." "I have to feel like this until I don't feel like this anymore... and you're gonna have to know that you made me feel this way, you schmuck!" " Aren't we still friends?" " No, we are not friends." "I don't take this shit from friends, only from lovers." " Wait a minute." "What about the play?" " Yes, what about the play?" "I think I should tell you to shove your play." "But I won't, because I never allow personal despair... to interfere with my professional commitments." "I am a professional actress." "So, are these real chocolate-covered cherries?" "I think so." " See you at rehearsal." " Oh, Sandy..." "Don't call me." "It's 2:00 in the morning." "Can't this wait?" "I don't care what time it is." "You got 10 days to get me off this show." " I've had it." " It's impossible." "Then I'm getting a new agent!" "I've had it with you!" "What?" "You hurt my feelings." "What happened?" "Yes, she thinks I'm gay." "I told her about Julie, she thinks I'm gay." " Julie thinks you're gay?" " No, my friend Sandy." "It's crazy." " Sleep with her." " I slept with her once." "She still thinks I'm gay." "Oh, that's not so good, Michael." "I got to get back to my life." "You got wall-to-wall lawyers in that office." "There must be some way to get me out of this show." " We've been through this a million times." " Why can't I die?" "Why can't Dorothy have an accident?" "We can use our imaginations." "This isn't the toughest problem." "You wanna kill somebody and bring me back the stiff?" "That's okay." "But she better look exactly like you, because I'll tell you something." " Those people don't miss a trick." " These are good people, George." "What is weird about you?" "Since when do you care so much about what other people feel?" "If I didn't love Julie before..." "You should have seen the look on her face when she thought I was a lesbian." " Lesbian?" "You just said gay." " No, no, no." "Sandy thinks I'm gay." "Julie thinks I'm a lesbian." " I thought Dorothy was straight." " Dorothy is straight." "Les, the sweetest, nicest man in the world, asked me to marry him." "A guy named Les wants you to marry him?" "Yeah." "No." "Wants to marry Dorothy." " Does he know she's a lesbian?" " Dorothy's not a lesbian!" " I know that, but does he know that?" " Know what?" "That..." "Well..." "I don't know." "You know, he gave me a diamond ring." "A..." "What did you say?" "What do you mean?" "I said I gotta think it over." "I went in the ladies' room." "I almost pissed in the sink." "I'm in trouble, man!" "You've been a completely different man." "Crossing wide, and you pull three to 130." " Cut it." " Cut tape." "[ Ron ] We're gonna take a short break, people." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Slight change of plans, children." "Our future ex-tape editor has just spilled a bottle of celery tonic... all over the second reel of the show airing today." "So we have to redo Emily's party scene live." " [ Van Horn ] Live?" " Quick, quick, like little bunnies." "You have 26 minutes to get into wardrobe and reset." " But, Rita..." " Don't worry about it, John." " You've only got a few lines." " I don't see why we can't use the tape." "Just because it's a little sticky." "You have to explain to them that the hours have to be flexible." "No, and it's..." "Well, and I would..." "Can I call you back?" "Thank you." " Hi." " Uh..." "Oh, my God, Dorothy, I just..." "Really, I can't." "It's for Amy." "Oh." "Thanks." "That's nice." " Julie, I don't know how to say this, but..." " I really wish you wouldn't." "I understand that you weren't able to tell my dad last night." "So I think it'd be better for all of us if I tried to explain it to him." " Well..." " No, Dorothy, I wouldn't be honest... if I didn't tell you how much you've meant to me these past couple weeks." "You taught me how to stand up for myself because you always stand up for yourself." "You taught me to stop hiding and just be myself... because you're always yourself." "And I'm grateful to you." "But..." "Well, I just..." "I just can't see you anymore." "You know." "[ Julie Sighs ]" "I just feel that it would be leading you on." "It wouldn't be fair to you." "I really love you, Dorothy... but I can't..." "I can't love you." "[ Woman ] Places, everybody, immediately." "Fifteen seconds to commercial." "[ April ] I can't go to the party on Dr. Brewster's arm." "[ Julie ] I don't care how you get there." "But this is the most important night in Emily Kimberly's life... and we're all going to be there to honor her, including you." "[ Man ] Stand by." "Quiet, please, on the floor." " [ Man ] Stand by." " [ Woman ] 22 and 23, come down to 18." "Hold it." "Hold it." "Five, four, three." "##[ Show Theme ]" "Let's all raise our glasses... to our guest of honor, Miss Emily Kimberly." "Oh." "Emily, we are all looking forward... to having you grace us with your presence... for many years to come." "[ Whistles ]" "Speech!" "Speech!" "Thank you, Gordon." "I cannot tell y'all how deeply moved I am." " I never in my wildest dreams..." " [ Scoffs ] imagined that I would be the object of so much genuine affection." "Uh-oh." "It makes it all the more difficult for me to say what I'm now going to say." "Yes." "I do feel it's time to set the record straight." "I didn't come here just as an administrator, Dr. Brewster." "I came to this hospital to settle an old score." "What score?" "You know that my father was a brilliant man." "He built this hospital, but to his family... he was an unmerciful tyrant, an absolute dodo bird." "Oh, no, not live." " Back to the prompter." " Let's see where she goes." "...my mother, his wife, to drink." "In fact, she went riding one time and lost all her teeth." " What?" " The son became a recluse." "And the oldest daughter, the pretty one, the charming one... became pregnant when she was 15 years old... and was driven out of the house." "In fact, she was so terrified that she would... that-that-that the baby daughter would bear the stigma of illegitimacy... that she decided to change her name, and she contracted a disfiguring disease... after moving to Tangiers, which is where she raised the girl as her sister." "But her one ambition..." "Any preference of shots on this one, Rita?" "was to become a nurse." "So she returned to the States and joined the staff... right here at Southwest General." "Oh!" "When she worked here, she knew she had to speak out... wherever she saw injustice and inhumanity." "God save us." "You understand that, Dr. Brewster?" " I never laid a hand on her." " Yes, you did." "And she was shunned by all you nurses too." "[ Ron ] Give me something, one." "I don't need backs." "Two and three, go left and right." "No, two, go left." "Three, go right!" "But she was deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply..." " deeply loved by her brother." " Her brother?" "It was this brother who, on the day of her death... swore to the good Lord above that he would follow in her footsteps... and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and... and, and, and just, just, just... just, just... just, just..." "[ Rita ] Don't-Don't-Don't-Don't-Don't panic." "owe it all up to her, but on her terms." " God, here come the terms." " As a woman." "And just as proud to be a woman as she ever was." "For I am not Emily Kimberly... the daughter of Duane... and Alma Kimberly." "No, I'm not." "I'm Edward Kimberly, the reckless brother of my sister Anthea." " [ Screams ]" " Holy Christ!" "[ Ron Shouting ]" "Edward Kimberly, who has finally vindicated... his sister's good name." "I'm Edward Kimberly." "Edward Kimberly..." " and I'm not mentally ill, but proud and lucky..." " I'll be damned." "and strong enough to be the woman... that was the best part of my manhood... the best part of myself." "##[ Show Theme ]" "That is one nutty hospital." "I knew there was a reason she didn't like me!" " Commercial." " Cut it." "[ Jo ] And cut!" "[ Buzzer Sounds ]" "[ Murmuring ]" " [ Shouting ] - [ Cast, Crew Groaning ]" "[ Michael Coughs, Groans ]" "Does Jeff know?" "Hi, Robbie." "[ Both Muttering ]" "[ Male Patron ] Get him!" "[ Male Patron ] All right." "[ Male Patron ] Come on, get him, get him!" "Aw, come on." " I thought you'd want it back." " Outside." "Give it to me outside." "[ Man Cackling ]" "Why'd you do it?" "I needed the work." "The only reason you're still living is because I never kissed you." "I hope you enjoyed the chocolates." "I..." "I gave 'em to a... a girl." "So did I, I thought." " You like 'em?" " Chocolates?" "Girls." "I like Julie." "I..." "I think I..." "I love Julie." "Wearing a dress is a funny way to show it." "I know." "I apologize." "Truth is you were okay company." "So were you." "I could have done without the dancin'." "You know, you're very good." " I'm seein' a real nice woman now." " Oh, really?" "You think I didn't check her out?" "Can I buy you a beer?" "If you got six bits, yeah." "Can I have a couple beers?" "Does Julie ever mention me?" "Taxi." "Thank you." "Hi." "I, uh..." "I saw your father." "I drove up, uh, to see him in that bar he hangs out in." " He doesn't hang out there." " Oh, yeah." "I forgot." " How's Amy?" " Fine." "Your dad and I had a couple of beers and shot a good game of pool." "We had a really good time together." "How's it goin'?" "Terry Bishop's back on the show." "April's lost her radiology license." " I meant with you." " I know what you meant." "So you were pretty hot after your unveiling, Michael." "What's your next triumph?" "I'm gonna do this play with a couple of friends..." " Good." "I've gotta catch a cab, Michael." " Julie." "Can I call you... sometime?" "Look, I don't wanna hold you up." "I just did it for the work." "I didn't mean to hurt anybody... especially you." "I miss Dorothy." "You don't have to." "She's right here." "And she misses you." "Look, you don't know me from Adam... but I was a better man with you as a woman... than I ever was with a woman as a man." "Know what I mean?" "I just gotta learn to do it without the dress." "At this point in our relationship, there might be an advantage to my wearing pants." "Hard part's over, you know?" "We were already... good friends." "Will you loan me that little yellow outfit?" "Which one?" "The Halston." "The Halston?" "Oh, no." " You'd ruin it." " Michael!" " You'll spill wine all over it." " I will not." "You gotta give it back to me, okay?" "[ Julie ] Why?" "What are you gonna use it for?" "# Time #" "# I've been passing time watching trains go by #" "# All of my life #" "# Lyin' on the sand #" "# Watching seabirds fly #" "# Wishing there would be #" "# Someone waiting home for me #" "# Something's tellin' me it might be you #" "# Yeah, it's tellin' me it might be you #" "# So many quiet walks to take #" "# So many dreams to wake #" "# And we've so much love to make #" "# I think we're gonna need some time #" "# Maybe all we need is time #" "# And it's tellin' me it might be you #" "# All of my life #" "# I've been saving love songs #" "# And lullabies #" "# And there's so much more #" "# No one's ever heard before #" "# Something's tellin' me it might be you #" "# Yeah, it's tellin' me it must be you #" "# And I'm feelin' it'll just be you #" "# All of my life #" "# It's you #" "# It's you #" "# That I've been waiting for all of my life #" " # Baby, it's you # - # It's you #" " # Baby, it's you, # - # it's you #" "# I've been waiting for all of my life #" "# Baby, it's you #" "# Baby, it's you... #" "# I've been waiting for all of my life ##"