"You'd better come in." "Let me solve this." "Where do you think you're going?" "You're coming with me right now." "Don't get involved in this." "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" "Getting involved with a married woman?" "It wasn't Mário who stalled it!" "It was me." "Ow!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "Mário!" "It's all lies." "Lies!" "Everything she says, everything she thinks, the shit she writes, it's all lies!" "You are the most selfish and most cruel woman..." "Bela," "Bela don't do this, don't do this." "Don't do this, Bela." "Come on, let's go." "Come on, come on!" "Bela..." "Bela!" "A toast!" "Florbela!" "Congratulations!" "Thank you, Adelaide." "Call me Bela." "Everything went well." "It was a simple ceremony, but very pretty." "Yes, as it should be." "It's a shame that your brother and your father couldn't come." "But it's understandable." "Why?" "Matosinhos isn't so close for those who live in Lisbon." "I'm sorry, Bela." "I didn't mean to be unpleasant." "I know how hard it is for you not to have your brother and your father here." "But you'll see, they'll turn up later on and surprise you." "There are days that can't be repeated, Adelaide." "And absences that can't be forgiven." "Don't say that." "Congratulations, Florbela!" "Thank you." "I can't get used to this." "Get used to what?" "To the sea." "The sea beating at night." "It's like it never gets tired." "I don't even notice it anymore." "I've lived here for a long time..." "I don't notice anything now." " Bye, Adelaide." " Bye." "Mário!" "Why didn't you wake me?" "You were asleep." "I didn't want to disturb you." "I want to be a good wife for you." "Look after my father, OK?" "Keep him company please." "What's your name?" "Florbela, Mr. Lage." "Ah!" "Flor Bela." "Isn't it time yet?" "For what, Mr. Lage?" "For anything!" "Mr. Lage, who do you talk to when you are alone?" "To the dead." "What about me?" "Am I dead or alive, Mr. Lage?" "Living is not knowing one is alive." "Yes?" "Adelaide..." "Yes, yes." "Mário has just arrived." "An evening of reading?" "Where?" "Ah... thank you very much my friend, but Mário is tired." "He had a very difficult day." "Yes, we'll leave it for next time." "Thank you." "Good night." "I thought we could have the evening just for us." "Sit down here." "As you wish." "Dinner will be a while." "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you." "Well..." "I'm going to see my father." "Madam?" "Dinner is served." "Bela, I need you." "I've got four days' leave." "Come with me to Lisbon, please." "A kiss from your brother who adores you." "Apeles." "Mário's not going to like this at all." "Why don't you wait for him?" "I don't need my husband's permission to travel, Adelaide." "Much less so with my brother." "It's only a few days." "If there's anything he knows where to find me." "But even so it's a lack of attention." "After all" "That's enough, Adelaide!" "Oh Rita, when Doctor Lage arrives tell him I'll call him." "Okay?" "Yes, madam." "And what if he asks where you have gone?" "He won't ask." "He knows." "Promise you'll keep in touch." "I promise I'll tell you everything later, Adelaide" "Rita, make doctor Lage's bed later." "Madam, your bag!" "War in china!" "War in china!" "Apeles!" "I'm sorry I could only get here now, but the city is in uproar." "It was the devil's work to get here!" "What about you?" "Did you have a good journey?" "Let me look at you." "Jesus, Bela, you are as thin as a rake!" "Doesn't your husband feed you?" "I would..." "look at this!" "If I'm not careful one of these days I'll end up like Dad!" "Let me help you with the shopping." "No?" "Fine." "We've got so much to talk about..." "So, haven't you said anything yet?" "It looks like I'm the writer here!" "From your letters one can see you are happy." "And I am." "Very happy!" "I can do this." "What about you, my little rascal?" "Have you got a new girlfriend yet?" "Or new little girlfriends?" "No." "And have you written?" "Not that either!" "I've stopped that." "The Portuguese seem to be fed up of verse and I'm fed up of Writing it." "But your books sold!" "And you've given interviews, I read them." "You've been published in newspapers!" "Hobbies." "And some money, as I needed it a lot." "I never married a rich man." "Not the first one, nor the second nor now." "What about Mário?" "What about him?" "Does he like what you write?" "Mário?" "He neither likes it nor dislikes it." "It makes no difference to him." "No difference?" "Yes..." "That's not so good!" "It might even be better!" "I'm sorry you think so." "You know..." "Father is very proud of you." "He always has been." "Despite your..." "Despite my divorces." "You can say it." "Despite your divorces." "Perhaps if he were in my place he could understand, but he isn't." "And it's very hard for me, believe me, very hard for me to make him suffer with all this." "Him and you." "You two are the people I most love in the world." "But love isn't enough!" "Before anything else I have to behave like an honourable daughter and a well-behaved sister." "And in your eyes I have been neither one thing nor the other." "Oh Bela..." "Perhaps now with this man who practically saved me I can redeem myself." "Perhaps this is my last chance." "Bela..." "Don't stall." "Who can guarantee us that happiness is always around the corner?" "I believed that and when I'm not careful I still believe it." "But what if this is really my last chance?" "Take a good look at me?" "I'm not twenty years old anymore!" "I don't charm anyone now!" "Your charms are different, Florbela, and you know that." "Women have a different time, Apeles." "They live in a different time from men, and they feel it!" "Life dies much more quickly in me than in you." "You can do things without having to explain yourself to anyone!" "That's what you've always done!" "I have never heard you explaining your actions to anyone!" "And look at how I've had to pay for that." "With everything that has happened and is known by lots of people do you really think that anyone is still interested in reading my poems without judging me from the outset?" "I don't believe so!" "I'm finally that which was expected of me:" "a modest women." "Honourable." "And above all discreet." "Eh?" " Oops!" "' What happened?" " I don't know." "Is it everywhere?" " Wait." "I'll see." "No." "What the Hell!" "It looks like Miss Florbela didn't pay the light bill." "I don't know." "I'm not the one who deals with these things." "I'll go and get a candle." "Be careful!" "Don't Worry." "If there's one thing I know it's how to find my Way in the dark." "Ow!" "Do you remember this lamp?" "It belonged to mother Mariana." "Of course I remember!" "Does father know you brought this?" " Of course he does." " Knowing how tight he is with things." "Shall we have dinner like this?" "I'm fine..." "Let's pretend we are in the Alentejo again." "And we are children." "And you never stop talking about the sea." "And you never stop writing." " I think you are right." " In relation to what?" "That happiness is not just round the corner." "And that's not the worst thing." "The worst thing is when we know we have lost it forever." "You must think me a disillusion." "No." "No." "Let's go out!" "Eh?" "'Eh' what?" "Put that down." "It wasn't so long ago that you lived in Lisbon, was it?" "Come on!" "Celebrate!" "What about dinner?" "Forget it!" "Since when have you and I cared about those things?" "Come on." "Get dressed!" "Make yourself pretty!" "The city misses you!" "Florbela Espanca!" "Good God!" "I think I've had too much to drink." "It can only be a hallucination!" "Júlia!" "I didn't know you were in Lisbon, you naughty girl!" "I hate it." "I hate it when you do this to me." "I'd like to introduce my brother, Apeles." "Finally I meet my famous friend's famous brother." "Enchanté!" "Charmed." "When will you do us the honour of publishing more of your poems?" "My good friend..." "The world, the world is upset over your disappearance!" "Our readers write letters, crying, screaming for your words!" "What an exaggeration, Júllia!" "It's no exaggeration!" "Dear Apeles, your sister is our most requested collaborator." "Yes, yes!" "Oui, oui!" "Don't be a diva..." "My dear, my good friend, stop doing your translations and send me some sonnets to cleanse one's soul!" "I must go!" "I must go and see where my husband is, because nowadays one can never be too careful!" "Au revoir!" "Write." "Write!" "This is where they normally take off from, isn't it?" "Yes." "It's from here." "Are you sure you want to do this?" "If anything happens to you I won't be able to handle it." "Nonsense, Bela." "What nonsense!" "Good morning, sleepy head." "Get a move on, otherwise We'll miss the sun." "I'm coming." " Brother?" " Hmm?" "One day I'm going to write to father to ask for photographs from those days." "I doubt he'll give you them." "Do you still think about the past a lot?" "No." "I can't have that luxury." "Why?" "I think I would go crazy even more quickly." "Why didn't you come to see me in Matosinhos?" "I couldn't." "You couldn't?" "Or you didn't want to?" "Bela?" "Bela?" "Bela?" "I'll give up the airplanes if you stall writing again." "And who guarantees you that I am happy when I write?" "Perhaps it's the opposite." "Perhaps it's when I'm not writing that I manage to be happy." "Don't say that." "If you want to see me happy you will stall writing again." "And you will give up this lunatic idea of piloting airplanes." "Would you do that for me?" "Don't ask me what I would do for you, my little brother." "The answer would be endless." "Hello!" "I've missed you." "I had to come." "Mário Lage." " Apeles." " Finally!" "It's a shame you haven't paid us a visit yet, but there will be more opportunities." "Sit down, Apeles." "Make yourself at home." "Have you eaten yet?" " Yes." " Thank you." "Well, the little I know is that you have decided to risk a career in aviation." "Yes." "You can't imagine the fret this caused your sister on the day you wrote her to tell her about it." "Isn't that right, my love?" "Yes." "It was a difficult day!" "We are sorry that you couldn't come to our wedding, but I understand that there are duties that a military man cannot put off." "If you don't mind, I'm going to rest a little." "Of course..." "Excuse me." "What are you doing here?" "I came to find out what made you catch a train, abandon your house and leave your husband without saying a word." "Mário, please, don't be tiresome." "I left the house yesterday morning." "Why have you come after me?" "What are you afraid of?" "That I'll get lost?" "Don't do this, Mário." "Don't treat me like I was a child." "So don't behave like one." "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "I've asked you a thousand times not to touch my things, especially when it's rubbish!" "At least let me read it!" "No!" "This is not me, it's not you, it's not anything!" "Stop, stop, Stop" "What's the matter, woman?" "What's the matter with you?" "Like this no one, no man can keep up with you, Bela." "There, there... there." "I'm sorry." "There, it's over now, it's over." "Ma petite et fragile..." "Fleur!" "Your exile has affected me so much that I've decided to close the house down and travel to the ends of the earth." "Ah!" "I thought Lisbon was the end of the earth!" "I would like to introduce my husband, Dr. Mário Lage." "Enchanté." "And my brother Apeles." "Enchanté!" "Ah!" "So this is the famous brother!" "Very good, very good!" "Come in... je vous empri!" "The Bela Flor family is very welcome." "Shortly you can bid on my private collection of ooloutes and corsets." "Dear Florbela, so long!" "Viscount!" "Extremely beautiful as ever, a veritable diva of the cinema screen!" "You know that our friend is going to leave us, she's leaving the capital." "Yes." "And I think she's doing the right thing." "This city is a mother to those who are far away and a stepmother to those who stay here." "It's a perfect evening." "It certainly is." "It's more than perfect." "Your sister told me you liked drawing." "That you have even published some paintings in the newspapers." "That would be a relief for here and for your father." "If you could keep your feet on the ground and your head in the air." "I doubt it." "I'm not sure what is more dangerous:" "flying at great altitude or living a love story with my sister." "There are times when a man has to make decisions." "Worse than not having what one wants is not doing anything when one has it." "So don't let her out of your sight." "Indeed." "But it is not easy." "You know that my sister suffers from an illness that is terribly Alentejan:" "pride." "We are all its children, even me." "The more you insist the worse it will be." "I didn't understand." "Are you telling me to do nothing or to do something?" "Oh llda, be careful." "You'll get arrested!" "Pay attention to one thing, Mário." "Note that sometimes it is in silence that we understand each other best." "Fine." "So I will take your advice;" "what else can I do?" "If anyone knows her well it is you." "And what chance do I have faced with a shadow?" "Shadow?" "Are you really going to travel?" "I thought it was all a joke." "I'm leaving." "I've stopped believing in this country." "Portugal is a place that does not know how to live its freedom." "Everyone thinks the same way;" "they all say the same things." "They have a terrible fear of having an opinion, of defending it, because the walls have ears." "There is a saying that I like a lot that goes:" ""Caesar's wife can't just be serious;" "she has to look it"." "Here it's exactly the opposite." "One only has to look something..." "no one has to be it." "My brother doesn't talk about anything else except this dictatorship." "What are you afraid of, Sophia?" "I don't believe anyone can do you any harm." "No you." "I don't Want to live in a gilded cage and look at desert around me." "Why don't you come too?" "This country isn't for you, a writer." "This country only loves ghosts and mad people." "Creation needs something more;" "it needs freedom to think." "Where are you going?" "I don't know..." "Paris, London," "Buenos Aires..." "I wouldn't know what to do." "And do you know what to do here?" "Here I can be what I want most." "A married woman." "What about poetry?" "Poetry has only brought me problems." "Only problems?" "Yes." "And who told you that the price is to give up writing?" "A ghost..." "Bela!" "Bela!" "Who are you?" "I'm no one." "Good morning!" "Good morning!" "What a lovely surprise..." "Thank you very much!" "It's the first time I have seen you interested in my writing." "Can you tell me why?" "Curiosity..." "So what do you think?" "I'm not well versed in the subject, but from what I have read..." "I liked it a lot." "You're just saying that to annoy me." "You didn't understand a thing, did you?" "Pretending looks good on you..." "I imagine what's going on in that head, but you don't need to worry," "I won't embarass you anymore." "Besides, it's a lie!" "I am this, me and all those poems, and if you think that everything I write is ridiculous you have the right to go away if you want!" "Bela, Bela, Bela, Bela!" "I know it is you!" "I've read it and re-read it." "And I don't think it is ridiculous, just the opposite." "And if I carry it around with me in my jacket pocket it is because... at least here, like this, I fell closer to you." "Even when you are all upside down and you don't want to see me." "Aren't you going to ask me what I did last night?" "No." "No?" "No." "Yes?" "I'm going out." "Do you need anything?" "Come in." "I have to go downtown to do some things." "If you want to come, I'll wait for you." "I can't." "I have an engagement." "An engagement?" "Yes." "Work." "Oh, jealous." "No." "As you said you were on leave for these four days" "I thought it was something else." "We'll meet in the evening in the Principe Real gardens, what do you think?" "I'll be finished at half past four." "The two of us could have tea together." "Or the three of us?" "That situation amuses you..." "He's your husband, Bela." "Anything special for dinner?" "Yes." "Your company!" "Keep your flattery for your little girlfriends." "What is it, doctor?" "ls there a problem?" "No." "Just the opposite." "I think it is a miracle." "Either I am very mistaken, or Florbela is expecting." "What's the matter?" "Aren't you happy about the news?" "It's not that, doctor." "I just don't believe in miracles." "Are you a relative of the deceased?" "Aren't we all?" "Doesn't your arm hull you?" "Don't be afraid, brother." "I am here." "She was the woman of my life." "I never thought that I would ever say this." "But the moment I met her it was very clear." "It was as if in her eyes I..." "I felt that I was finally at home, you know?" "That's the way it is, isn't it?" "When we finally feel at home." "And for moments I was happy." "I was absolutely happy." "I remember it so well." "It was on the last day that I saw her." "We had tea at Benard's, we spoke about the preparations for the wedding." "I took her home, I said goodbye," "I gave her a kiss..." "ODE... and I felt happy!" "Happy!" "Suddenly she fell ill." "The sun..." "The sun went out." "I spend my days and nights always thinking about the same thing." "I can't sleep, I can't think straight..." "It's like I have something here that... that devours me!" "That is why I was saying to you the other day... love, love," "why does love not end when the other person dies?" "Why?" "How is it possible for my head not to accept, not to see..." "She is not coming back..." "She isn't." "And how do you know that this was the love of your life if you never lived it?" "Because I can't imagine my life without her." "It is as if I had lost my fear... of everything." "Even of myself!" "We never even ever went to bed once." "I never undressed her, kissed her body," "held her in my arms, felt her skin, her smell." "Desire, oh shit!" "What shit desire is!" "Would you mind taking your glasses off?" "Thank you." "Come on, a smile." "Bela, your brother is asking you for a smile." "Seriously, come on?" "You take one of me." "I can't..." "Bela!" "Bela..." "I can't!" "Bela!" "I'm begging you, brother." "If you love me, give this up, please." "On our mother's soul." "Don't say that." "No!" "Not You!" "Don't disappoint me, Bela." "Not now!" "I've disappointed you so many times, but you've never disappointed me!" "And I have never asked you for anything." "If you want I'll beg you on our mother's soul." "Please Apeles." "Please, please, please..." "Look..." "You know that there is nothing in life that can give me back what I have lost, nothing!" "Not you, not you, nor anyone else." "Look," "Bela, this is what I am..." "Yes?" "It's what I am." "Apeles!" "Apeles!" "Please don't do this to me." "I'll die," "I'll die if you get in that plane, please..." "I need a cigarette." "Not a cigarette, Bela." "Mário, give me a cigarette, please." "You can't smoke here, madam!" "You can't smoke here!" "Get out!" "Leave me alone!" "Get out!" "Don't worry." "I'll take care of this." "I'm a doctor." "Don't worry." "You've finally got a good reason to leave me, Mário." "Having a child was never in our plans." "And children are not your strong point." "I love children..." "Look how I treat my brother." "You still haven't told me what happened." "Why did he go away?" "Our business." "Fine." "So, tomorrow you can return home already." "Do you want me to bring you anything?" "No." "Does he know about the baby?" "No." "You asked me not to say anything." "Here." "It's from Apeles." "Have you been with him?" "He came to the house." "He packed his suitcase and said he'd be in touch." "But he promised that one day he'd visit Matosinhos." "Was he still very angry?" "No." "No..." "The day after tomorrow we'll take the train home." "Bela..." "It's time to go back to our normal life." "My Dear Sister, I hope you recover quickly." "I know that we got very upset with each other." "But the truth is that these days we spent together were full of enchantment." "Can not imagine how happy I was to see you." "The death of my beloved was a harsh blow and I don't know whether I'll ever be able to get over it." "But knowing that you are close by, even being far away, is a comfort to me." "You are my family." "No one else." "But now that you have finally found the man ready to love you as you deserve to be loved" "I have to let you go." "You have to be happy, my sister." "I can't carry on being neither a reason nor an excuse." "Don't be afraid." "Love is only love when we lose our fear." "And write." "What would we be without poets?" "After all, we are made of all the dreams." "Even those that will never come true." "A kiss from your brother who loves you," "Apeles." "Bela!" "Why?" "Why?" "Since she got here she has not said a word." "She doesn't complain, she doesn't ask for anything, she doesn't cry." "The shock must have been tremendous." "You know, I've been reading your wife's medical history, and from the clinical point of view she hasn't had an easy life:" "two miscarriages, several different problems" "In these oases our prognosis is usually very reserved." "Perhaps you can get her to speak." "Excuse me." "No." "We're going home from here." "No, Bela." "As I told you in the letter, this is what is left." "Didn't you find anything else?" "No." "Unfortunately not, madam." "Our men tried to recover the body, but they didn't find anything else." "Thank you very much." "I am very grateful." "We will always be at your disposal." "Your brother was a comrade, a great friend, and we will miss him greatly." "Thank you very much." "So, good afternoon." "Good afternoon." "Why won't you let me go with you?" "It's a long trip to Vila Viçosa." "And something might happen to you, Bela." "What was going to happen has already happened, Mário." "I have to do this on my own." "Trust me." "Don't worry." "For two years you have been doing what you want with your life and mine." "Every day you tell me you love me, that you want to be the ideal woman, the perfect wife." "What for?" "Is it to convince yourself or me?" "Don't ask me any more questions, Mário." "Not now!" "I'm not in an easy place." "If I at least knew what place it was..." "But I don't know." "And you don't want me to know, do you?" "Why?" "Because I don't even really know where I am." "Let me go!" "I'll tell you then." "I'll tell you." "Your certainly not in my life." "She has pants." "Well I didn't expect that!" "Come in, honey." "Come in!" "João, look who's here!" "You must be starving." "I'll go and make something to eat." "I'm fine." "Give me that." "Give me that." "I'll go and prepare your bed." "Why didn't you tell us you were coming?" "I came to see how you were." "That's good." "Isn't it, João?" "Sit down." "I need you to sign some papers because of your brother's inheritance." "I have to go to Lisbon to deal with this and without your assent I can't do anything." "Of course, father." "That's why I am here." "But if you don't mind" "I'd like to keep the letters..." "the books." "It has no value at all." "Did you have a Mass said?" "Yes." "Henriqueta dealt with it." "And there's another one tomorrow." "The good thing is that the priest didn't charge much money." "I'll pay if you want." "No." "It's not necessary." "What about you?" "How are things going with your husband?" "Fine." "Have you been writing?" "No." "Didn't you write some verses for your brother?" "I can't." "I don't understand you." "When tragedy finally knocks on your door you've got nothing to say." "Well," "I'm going to bed, as it's getting late." "We'll talk better tomorrow." "How many days are you staying?" "As many as necessary..." "What for?" "See you tomorrow." "Sleep well." "Anyway, your father is going to have a stone made with his name on it." "Aren't you, João?" "Aren't you, João?" "Yes, woman!" "And what name are you going to put on it, father?" "You know he doesn't like this kind of talk?" "Not even after his death is he able to acknowledge his son." "I don't care if it's like that with me, but Apeles..." "He's a man." "Men don't like being cheated." "My mother didn't cheat on him, Henriqueta." "She went on her life, she found someone else." "He wasn't single either." "If it wasn't for good Mariana, I don't know what would have happened to us." "Take this." "It's for you." "Thank you." "Grab the rope, Bela!" "Father!" "Grab the rope!" "Grab the rope, Bela!" "Grab the rope!" "Father!" "Father!" "Bela!" "Father!" "Grab the rope, Bela!" "If not I'll go there and get you!" "Father..." "This is what you came here to do, isn't it?" "Father..." "Not even the love we have for you is enough." "I..." "I don't know how to live, father." "Don't say that..." "Don't say that." "Bela..." "Open your eyes." "Write." "I can't." "You can." "How can I write?" "I don't know anything and you took everything from me." "The dead don't take anything." "But it hulls so much!" "It has to hull." "If it doesn't hull how do we know we are alive?" ""The dead are our living in life They walk in our steps" "We carry them through our lives And they only die with us" "But I didn't want this and I didn't want my dead man to die with me," "I didn't want this." "And I wrote these pages;" "this book is from a dead man." "His book is my dead man's." "Let the living carry on."" "FLORBELA DIED OF SADNESS ON THE MORNING OF HER 36th BIRTHDAY" "ON THE 8th OF DECEMBER 1930" "MOST OF HER WORK WAS PUBLISHED POSTHUMOUSLY" "AND RECORDED IT WITH THE FAMILY SURNAME ESPANCA"