"The buzzfinger homepage." "Poor Jay Leno." "No, under that." "That's you and Alyssa Vaughn," "Together." "No way!" "That's Beck" "And Alyssa Vaughn, together." "why are you guys" "So impressed?" "'cause Alyssa Vaughn" "Is famous." "and hot." "her father's a billionaire." "and hot." "Ah, I didn't mean her father is." "I drank fish pee." "explain this." "she's in my yoga class." "Some paparazzi showed up" "And took that pic," "But we're just friends." "And how did Jade react" "When she found out" "You were friends" "With Alyssa Vaughn?" "Jade was cool with it." "She threw a rock at me." "yeah, well I'd be careful, 'cause I don't think" "Jade's the type" "To be okay with... attention!" "Attention everyone!" "Stop while I talk." "As you all know, I'm Trina vega." "Now, if you look at the flyers" "That just landed on you," "You'll see that starting" "This Friday night," "I will be performing" "With an exclamation point." "hey!" "Shut up!" "it's a play" "That I wrote myself" "That will not only" "Touch your heart," "But blow your mind." "Now, if you look at" "These flyers, you'll see that... could you pass those out?" "Hey, we're not done" "Talking about this." "I am." "well, I'm not." "listen, Alyssa Vaughn" "Is just a friend." "yeah, a friend" "Who's already sent you" "Six text messages today." "seven." "you don't know that's her." "is it?" "what's your favorite" "Tropical fruit?" "the mango." "And I don't like" "Your new little relationship" "With Alyssa Vaughn." "it's a text message." "and what does it say?" "Maybe, "hi, Beck." ""my daddy just got richer" ""and I got prettier." "Let's make out."" "okay, let me see" "If I understand you." "let's see if you do." "because you and I date," "I can't be friends" "With other girls." "you can be friends" "With ugly girls," "But not girls who are" "Gorgeous socialites," "Who text message you" "A hundred times a day." "you know, you..." "Tori, Tori, can you come here?" "what?" "if you were my girlfriend... oh, great way to start" "The question." "Would you be" "All freaked out" "That I'm just friends" "With Alyssa Vaughn?" "who cares what she thinks?" "honestly, I wouldn't love it." "I care what she thinks." "how can you say that," "You don't even... you know," "I really don't wanna be" "In the middle of this." "no, you stay right here." "no." "you don't think a girlfriend" "Should just trust her boyfriend?" "no, I do." "get out of here, Tori." "I'd love to." "stay." "all right, you know what?" "tell me what." "no, no, don't tell him what." "we're done." "Jade." "so, you're breaking up" "With me?" "no, no, no, no, no." "She's not." "yeah, I am." "oh, she is." "you're being ridiculous." "what do you care?" "I'm not your girlfriend anymore." "come see my one-woman show," "Friday night." "It starts at 8:00 sharp!" "whatcha know, fro?" "ha, he called you fro, 'cause your hair is all silly." "yeah." "hey, you gotta check out" "This new app I got for my phone." "It lets you do crazy effects" "When you're shooting video." "cool." "Um, so, you know" "How I used to write" "For the school newspaper?" "I thought" "They shut the paper down." "they did, but, uh..." "Some of the seniors" "Started one online, you know," "Kinda underground" "For school news and stuff." "I know, the slap." "the slap dot com." "the dot com was implied." "anyway, so for the slap," "I'm the person in charge." "I made your head fat." "Say cheese, fathead." "cheese." "Anyway, for the slap," "I'm the person" "In charge of writing reviews" "For all the plays" "Here at school." "yeah?" "well, I'm so busy." "you're not busy." "And..." "And you're such a good writer," "I was thinking, maybe..." "I'm not writing a review" "For Trina's show." "but what if her play" "Is awful?" "what if?" "Man, you know" "Her show's gonna bite." "I know." "And if I write a bad review," "Trina is going to kill me." "oh, so it's okay" "If she kills me?" "she'll have a harder time" "Killing you." "You're all firm and developed," "And I'm still working" "On the last chapter of puberty." "and he is a slow reader." "I thought Trina's play" "Opens Friday." "it does, but I'm seeing" "Her last dress rehearsal," "And I don't wanna be" "The only one in the audience." "so take Rex." "I'm staying home" "And taking a hot bath." "look man, don't panic yet." "Maybe Trina's play" "Won't be so bad." "♪ chicaaaaagooooooo... ♪" "♪ chicaaaaagooooooo... ♪" "♪ it's a city that's exciting, ♪" "♪ it's a city that's inviting, ♪" "♪ it's a city for a woman ♪" "♪ just like me ♪" "♪ there's a lake ♪" "♪ they call lake michigan ♪" "♪ I think I'm really ♪" "♪ fitting in, ♪" "♪ this city is ♪" "♪ my perfect cup of tea ♪" "♪ chicaaaaagooooo... ♪" "♪ chicaaaaagooooo... ♪" "♪ chicaaaaagooooo... ♪" "♪ chicaaaaagooooo... ♪ the doctor says" "I ain't never gonna walk again," "Not even on cructhez." "But I'm gonna" "Tell you something, "I scared." "I'm a woman, in chicago," "Who's scared."" "No." "No." "Stop." "Hey, Jade." "you look a little like a lady" "Who could use" "Some lunch buddies." "please." "well, I just thought" "That you were mad, because of..." "I broke up with Beck." "Okay?" "I dumped him." "you are amazing." "You know that?" "is that Alyssa Vaughn?" "yeah, so?" "nothing, she's gross." "French fry?" "gross?" "Look at her." "Oh, that girl is smoking hot." "I'm serious." "I should shut up." "look, he didn't mean" "To say that." "I don't care." "If Beck wants to date that," "I hope he has tons of fun" "With it." "what?" "you're hurting your burrito." "Hello, Robbie." "Hi." "have you been avoiding me?" "avoid?" "Um, no, I'm just been here" "Having some cream" "Of mushroom soup." "what do you think" "Of my show last night?" "your show," "I thought it was uh..." "Very... you said it stunk." "what did that say?" "nothing." "Um, he doesn't know" "What he's saying." "He's on special medication." "I am not on medication." "are you gonna write" "A good review of my show or not?" "Trina, see..." "I'm a journalist," "And it's my job" "To write the truth." "And to be candid," "I didn't think" "That your performance was all..." "I'm gonna say this once," "So listen." "okay." "I've worked my butt off" "On that performance," "And you're gonna write" "A good review." "You feel me?" "!" "I feel a mushroom in my nose." "Aah." "write a good review" "Of my show!" "there it is." "mine!" "mine!" "15-love." "Tori, you messed up my shot." "I don't wanna play anymore." "You get it." "Jade?" "And now you're in my house." "this kite is broken." "okay?" "And?" "I was just walking around," "And I saw this kite" "Stuck in a bush," "And... it's broken," "Someone needs to fix it." "you want me to fix your kite?" "will you forget" "About the stupid kite?" "I'm sorry I brought it up." "I want Beck back." "but you broke up with Beck." "I know, just like" "When I was seven" "And I threw away" "My potato patch pal," "But then I realized" "I wanted him back." "But it was too late, 'cause my mother" "Already gave it away" "To some greedy orphans." "Jade, if you wanna get back" "Together with Beck," "Then why don't you" "Just tell him?" "I did, but he rejected me." "Not to be mean," "But why are you coming to me" "For help?" "because I don't want anyone" "Who's cool to see me like this." "okay, maybe you should..." "Wait, are we friends?" "We're not even friends." "well, yeah," "But if you help me," "Maybe I'll like you." "so, if I help you," "I get a mean friend" "And a broken kite." "please, just please," "Talk to Beck for me." "okay, okay, okay," "I'll talk to Beck." "do it soon." "Ah, I got a little makeup" "On your pillow." "that's okay." "I'll just ask my grandmother" "To make me another one," "If she ever comes back to life." "Push the button" "By the door, sweetie." "Okay, thanks." "Who is it?" "!" "I know that's you, Beck." "thanks, Consuela." "enter." "so, this is where you live?" "is that bad?" "no, it's cool." "It's just, you know," "Most high school guys" "Don't live in a rv" "Parked in their" "Parents' driveway." "well, my parents said" "If I live under their roof," "I gotta live by their rules." "ah, so your roof..." "My rules." "so, you're probably wondering" "Why I'm here." "Like, "hey, Tori's here," "Whaddup wid dat?"" "that's how I talk?" "no, that's just" "My generic boy voice." "ah, I like it." "Do more." "okay." "Um, "hey man, why don't you" ""get back together with Jade?" ""you know what I'm sayin'?" "Yeah."" "I should get back together" "With Jade?" "why?" "'cause she's, you know," "Awesome." "guess what?" "what?" "I'm glad" "Jade and I broke up." "why?" "because I can't remember" "The last time" "She did one nice thing for me." "oh, come on, didn't you just" "Have a birthday?" "She didn't get you anything" "For your birthday?" "she got me a can of lemonade." "'cause he likes lemonade." "yeah, but out of a can?" "he drank it." "yeah, but... do I have a boyfriend" "Or don't I?" "do you want one?" "walk away." "Curly!" "Hi, Trina." "Is that a new shirt?" "don't look at my shirt." "This morning and I didn't see" "Your review of my show yet." "I know." "when are you posting it?" "the deadline is flexible," "So I'm just..." "Oh, please don't... your review" "Better go up today," "And it better make" "My show sound awesome!" "still got some work to do." "aw, my canadian sweater!" "It's not funny." "Trina keeps pressuring me" "To write a good review" "Of her terrible play," "And I can't lie." "her play was that bad?" "so bad, it was laughable." "okay, okay." "Then, say it was" "The funniest play" "You've ever seen." "oh, what are you" "Talking about?" "review it like a comedy." "comedy?" "that's brilliant." "hey, no charge." "thanks, man." "no, wait, give me 10 bucks." "absolutely not." "20." "are two 10s okay?" "help me." "I tried." "Maybe you just need" "To forget about Beck." "What are you doing?" "And now we're in a closet." "how can Beck" "Not want me back?" "I'm so cool, and hot." "I've got it all." "yeah, but guys" "Don't just care" "About how cool and hot you are." "well, what else is there?" "Beck said you haven't done" "One nice thing for him" "In two years." "that is so not true." "We've only dated a year" "And eleven months." "well, maybe" "He'd take you back" "If you did something" "Nice for him." "you mean, like" "Make him fresh lemonade?" "if you want Beck back," "You're gonna have to think" "Bigger than beverages." "a dog." "okay, if you're" "Gonna be rude..." "No." "Beck's always saying" "How he wants a dog," "A rotten-hymer." "a rottweiler?" "yes, that's what he wants." "Okay, what's our next move?" "just get the boy a dog!" "go, go out." "Out now." "Run... and then at 10 P.M.," "When president lincoln" "Was watching the play" "At ford's theater," "Booth quietly slipped" "Into lincoln's box," "Pulled out a derringer" "And shouted..." "I'm gonna kill you!" "no." "man, you better run" "Before the girl..." "Rex!" "Trina, I'm teaching a class" "Right now." "how dare you call" "My one-woman show a comedy?" "!" "I had to follow" "My conscience!" "Trina, out of this classroom." "I know where you live." "no, you don't." "We moved last year." "what's your new address?" "!" "3707 cahuenga." "It's a duplex, we're on top." "got it." "Trina vega's one-woman show" "Will now begin." "in the beginning," "There was nothing," "And then, there was woman." "Wow, I can't believe I'm here" "In the city of chicago." "Why, anything could happen" "To a woman like me," "Here in Chicago." "♪ chicaaaaagooooooo... ♪" "♪ it's a city that's exciting ♪" "♪ it's a city that's inviting ♪" "♪ it's a city for a woman ♪" "♪ just like me ♪" "♪ there's a lake ♪" "♪ they call lake michigan ♪" "♪ I think I'm really ♪" "♪ fitting in ♪" "♪ this city is ♪" "♪ my perfect cup of tea ♪" "♪ chicaaaaagooooooo... ♪" "Okay, wait one sec." "Beck's asleep." "Give me the dog." "okay." "Oh wait, he has a runny nose." "dogs don't know" "How to blow their nose." "okay, give me the dog." "Okay, go on, go in there." "Go lick Beck's face, good boy." "Ahh, okay, if this makes Beck" "Like me again," "I'm gonna owe you big time." "you already owe me big time." "what's going on?" "I don't know." "Beck, Beck." "Are you okay?" "does he sound okay?" "Beck!" "Beck!" "Get him off me." "that was horrible." "I know." "now, he's never gonna" "Take me back." "that is not" "The key issue right now." "well, what are we gonna do?" "no, not the face," "Not the face." "what is going on?" "get back." "Beck?" "how can you be out here?" "you're in there" "Being mauled by a dog." "a dog?" "My dad's in there." "your dad?" "oh, my god." "dad, dad." "Whoa, that's a big dog." "Dad." "I'm doing it." "I'm doing it." "I'm a woman in chicago," "Learning how to walk again," "Thanks to doc stevens" "And my new plastic legs." "Take that, chicago." "You're no match" "For a woman like me." "From now on," "I'm callin' this city..." "She-cago!" "yes, you're welcome." "You're all welcome." "Yes, it's okay to laugh." "I'm hilarious." "I'll meet you" "At the hospital." "okay." "we're sorry." "so sorry." "oh, why." "he'll be fine." "thanks." "hey, are you in college yet?" "bye." "Tori told me" "To get you a dog." "dude." "okay, it was kind of my idea," "But I didn't think" "The dog would bug out like that." "I just wanted you to have a dog," "Because I know you've talked" "About getting one" "Ever since I met you," "And I thought that maybe..." "You love me again." "who said I stopped?" "I ruined the moment." "it's cool." "And I really do owe you." "hey, um, it's getting" "Kinda late," "So I was wondering" "If maybe you could" "Drive me home?" "it's not that far a walk." "try not to swallow each other." "All right, check this out" "♪ not a fantasy ♪" "♪ just remember me ♪" "♪ when I make it shine!" "♪" "You were off key." "No, I wasn't." "Yeah, you were" "Totally off key." "But, I mean, who isn't?" "Okay, there's a lot" "More stuff like that" "So go there."