"We women have been fighting for our rights for way too long!" "It seems that we have to start to speak louder in order for our rights to finally get heard in the workplace." "Women are passed over for promotion." "They're passed over for benefits." "They're passed over for inclusion in the boardroom." "Or on Wall Street." "Today, only 10% of our board of directors are women!" "That is a crime against women!" "Today only 11% of our elected legislators are women." "We women continue to be used as objects." "And I wanna thank you for coming out and supporting our plight." "Your sensitivity means so much to me." "Specially after what I went through in my last relationship." "...to be as successful as any man on the planet." "And on top of that women's salary are 20% less than men's." "Sir, would you come up here, please?" "Come on!" "It's alright." "We don't bite." "Come on." "Come on!" "Oh, oh!" "Now, sir." "Women make 20% less than you men do." "Please, tell all of us that that is not an injustice." "Yeah, come on, tell us!" "I'd easily be willing to give up 20% of my income to be able to have a multiple orgasm." "Why are you guys even worrying about work anyway?" "Just find yourself a man." "Get him, girls!" "I'm must admint I'm starting to enjoy being with you more and more." "Don't let that go to your head." "The last thing I need is another overprotective boyfriend that gets jealous at the drop of a hat." "I actually think you should start seeing other guys." "Just to make sure that I'm the best prospect." "Excuse me, gentlemen." "Take a look at the beautiful lady standing right there." "She's a single, natural blond that loves aromatherapy and African art." "If interested, come over and schedule a date for next weekend." "Oh, and she's getting a boob job next week." "And she's open to a threesome if you find the right woman." "Hey, I'm Nick!" "I'm Jeff." "I'm Christopher." "This is really romantic." "Kidnapping me for the day?" "I'm so happy I finally have a boyfriend whose sense of adventure is more than just taking the dog to the park." "Before I reveal the surprise, I'd like to make a toast." "Here's to you." "In such a short time you've opened up the door of my heart by having me overcome my fears of passion, devotion, commitment." "Fears I thought I'd never be able to overcome." "I only hope that in time I can help you overcome your fears as well." "Starting with your fear of flying." "Ándele, ándele!" "Hola, señor." "Rápidamente!" "Mr. Fix It, Computer Repair Shop." "Please hold." "What seems to be the problem." "She won't respond to my commands anymore." "You know what it sounds like to me?" "Hey." "Ooh!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "Ooh, ah!" " Bill Smith?" " Mr. Fix it?" "Lance Valenteen." "Have a seat, Bill." "So, do you love her?" "Love" "Sophia?" "Yes." "I'm sorry." "It was nice meeting you." "You know your way out." "But I love her." "I do." "Where did you touch her when she wanted to forget about the world?" "She loved her head massaged." "Where were her eyes the first time you told her a secret?" "Gazing into mine." "First time you saw her cry." "She lost her mother's necklace." "She's Italian" "You hurt." "I hurt so bad." "It hurts like- It's like" "Like only true love can." "True love." "Love that goes deeper as the years progress." "Sorry, but I won't take a case unless the client possesses true love." "Then you know how I feel?" "I found out a long time ago that I was incapable of true love." "Which gives me the unique ability to help you out." "Research has shown that 88% of the time a woman dumps a man it's because there's another guy." "Another guy we'll call Different Dick." "Either she's dreaming about him or she's already with him." "Sure, she may've dumped you because" "He couldn't commit to anything." "He was incredibly cheap." "He only loved himself." "He was hung like a South American sand beetle." "But deep down inside, these women are all saying the same thing." "I want a Different Dick." "Well, I give them just that." "Hi." "I'm Different Dick." "But I'm no ordinary Different Dick." "I'm packed with information that allows me to make you look like a better catch." "Get that shark from Jaws!" "First, we determine why she left you." "Then I come up with a plan on how to meet your ex befriend her, and date her!" "Then, equipped with knowledge provided by you" "I turn from Different Dick into your very own..." "Mr. Fix It." "I become the epitome of why you were dumped, to prove that you really weren't that bad after all." "I just didn't make Carol laugh anymore." "How about this one?" "What do you call a dinosaur that's had sex with me?" "A vagina-saurus." "Martha said I was the jealous type." "If that guy hugs you again like that," "I'm gonna break his freaking jaw." "That's my brother." "I didn't know you were from West Virginia." "Bonny said I was inconsiderate." "Hey!" "Hey!" "What the fu" "Now she thinks I'm a laugh riot." "She hasn't yelled at me in months." "I didn't have to change at all." "I'm still a hung like a chestnut, but after how Mr. Fix It behaved, well, at least I can still get it up." "Thanks, Mr. Fix it." "Here's the rules." "I will not have sex with your ex." "Contract will now and always remain 100% confidential." "And there's a full refund if there's no reconciliation." "No exceptions whatsoever." "Mr. Fix It Inc." "But I don't know why she left me!" "Well, um, phew, that, um" "That changes things." "You know, I" "I'll pay double." "Lance Valenteen, who crashed in the final lap of last year's street car race, comes back this year to win this coveted event in record time." "After all these years, he'll finally get a chance to race on the professional race car circuit." "I'll tell you, Chuck, tonight he's going to bang like a bongo at a Santana concert." "Chuck?" "Excuse me." "Chuck?" "Hey, Chuck." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Lance?" "I said I'd pay double." "Hello?" "Mr. Fix it?" "You're going down." "You're going down!" "These are the guys that won it all last year." "Yeah." "The tall guy likes it down low." "The son a bitch is always late." "Okay." "I'm gonna take a leap of faith and say, "We're gonna win. "" "Who's with me?" "Dude, seriously, joining this league was your idea, and you still can't show up on time." "I was in a meeting." "We had to discuss fixing an Internet connection." "Email access." "Wireless, homeless, boneless chicken?" "A little responsibility." "That's all I ask." "Could you please just act like a grown up for one night a week?" "So guys, huh?" "Next week at 7:00 sharp." "We're a team." "Yeah." "Alright." "See you, guys." "Ow!" "Good game." "A lot of fun." "Sharp." ""Wireless, homeless, boneless chicken"?" "You know as well as I do." "If their wives find out about Mr. Fix It," "I'll never be able to see them again." "You gonna have to stop this lying and start being yourself." "Tonight's not that night." "I got a new client I gotta scope out." "The exploration stage." "Then I can go." "You can go, but the client personality evaluation reveals low self-esteem, boring tendencies, and multiple insecurities." "So she's homely and fat." "I'm in." "The client found a note in his ex's pocketbook saying, "Go on at 8:00."" "Giggles." "Comedy club, huh?" "Yeah." "I hope she's funny." "That must suck." "I know." "It must suck getting old." "Staying young is the secret to life." "Yeah." "Right now the secret to life is not waiting." "Come on!" "Let's get Giggles going!" "Starting off amateur night, here's Sophia." "Do not talk." "Then how does one become your friend?" "Either make me laugh or make me orgasm." "What if I can do both?" "Then you will be my very good friend." "Alright, put your hands together for Sophia." "Now it's time for Cherry." "I can tell tha" "Do not follow me another step, or I will tie you down, rip off your clothes, and make you nice and comfortable." "Then I'll have that bouncer over there..." "He will pluck out each one of your genital hairs with boiling tweezers while wearing a blindfold." "I wonder what you have to do to be her best friend." "Um, she" "She loves her dog Maxine." "There's this dog park on her street where she just plays with her for hours." "What about this one?" "That one was the stud at a kennel that got closed down last month." "The poor little guy must be lonely, huh?" "Your name is Max." "Got it?" "Max." "Hold on." "Uh!" "Geez." "You alright?" "I" " I'm trying to teach my dog how to lie down." "See?" "Like this." "Is that a smile?" "This means I'm half way to being your good friend." "I do not like men who follow me." "Follow you?" "I just moved here." "I was showing Max his new hangout." "My dog's name is Max." "Uh, Maxine." "Where is your Max?" "He's over there." "He's studying to be a proctologist." "Now I'm more than halfway." "This means you have to let me take you out to dinner." "I'm Lance." "I'm new in town, and, right now, you're my only friend." "Do not worry." "Because if you're anything like your dog, you'll make friends quick." "Help." "Help!" "She loves boarding down to the promenade to see the street performers." "The wackier, the better." "For my finale I will use this wood." "It is no ordinary wood." "It is sacred wood." "Ooh!" "Now that we have honored the wood, it is okay to destroy the wood." "Thank you." "Please, give your donations for my show to the human bowling ball." "How about breaking this?" "No." "This is a nice board." "I'm getting a new one." "Yeah, come on!" "Yeah, come on!" "Do it!" "You can do it." "Break it." "Ooh!" "You're not making a fortune" "So why don't you just quit when the job gets this tough?" "Please, don't yell." "Sorry." "The gig pays double." "If they reconcile," "I'll be able to get another shot at the race." "I thought that bird died." "He was staying in my room, but my new dog, Max, he likes sleeping in there." "But this bird, he gets restless, starts yelling, and he won't shut up." "Use two hands, honey." "It won't bite." "You're keeping it in the bedroom, huh?" "That's why you're still single because those are the type of girls you date." "That's it, baby." "Spank it like you mean it." "Even if I was capable of" "Where would I find a girl who wasn't a bit afraid of racing cars?" "Or someone who would do something insane to see if she had the guts to do it?" "Or someone who could dance the mambo with me so well that we could do it blindfolded?" "Cucumbers are in the refrigerator." "That's kinky." "Lance." "Kenneth." "I thought I told you to keep your ass off this track, Wuss Boy." "What are you doing here?" "Isn't it past your bedtime?" "Racers, please prepare to race." "Winner, receive your winning tickets in the arcade area." "And here we go." "Three." "Two." "One." "Compliments from my dog." "Cat piss." "That's just disrespectful." "Who do you think you are?" "You can't break the rules." "You should be removed from the track." " Good driving." " You've got a gift." "Do you give lessons?" "Thanks, boys." "That was fun." "Turn off your engines, boys." "This is a man's job." "Yeah, but she doesn't like feminine things." "I'm smoother than you, and I want the best." "Don't forget to tell her about the chlamydia." "You know, some might just call this fate." "I call it bad timing." "How is your head?" "Better than my heart." "You're a tough girl to get a date with." "I just got out of a relationship, and I'm not looking for another." "I do not enjoy conversations, specially with men I do not know." "And I am moving back to Italy in a month because I hate American men." "Do you still want a date?" "It's not my fault you cannot handle a big set of melons." "I need to get her fixed up for street." "We don't work on junk yard cars here." "I thought Wally could make every car be a star!" "Wally could, but Wally's gone." "His kids forced him into retirement." "Said he was getting useless." "He was put out to pasture." "Much like you should do with this car." "If you got your heart bent on it, leave it here and I'll take it back to the junk yard myself." "Where's Wally now?" "Beautiful, isn't she?" "Beautiful isn't the word." "Solid frame." "Nice, nice!" "Yeah." "She needs a new front end at least." "She looks good to me." "Front and rear is smoking!" "Ooh, I wanna get under her and see what she's packing." "If this left hand could still stretch for the ninth cord, those O'Malley widows would be ours!" "Dom-di-dom-dom." "We gotta get her fixed up for street." "I'm sure if you guys can help," "But I'm willing to take a leap of faith." "It takes more than a slick car and a fast dream and a leap of faith to win the big race." "It's big shoulders and wide eyes." "And steel balls." "You crashed last year because your reflexes were too slow." "Have they gotten any quicker this year?" "She'll need an engine overhaul." "All the rockers, timing chain." "Get rid of the T-top." "Labor's free." "You pay for the parts we get at Mean Mike's." "That's due on the day of the race." "This way you'll have the same chance as anybody else." "Assuming that your reflexes are as fast on the track as they were in the garage today." "There's the loaner." "She loves Carlini's." "Specially the mussels and clams appetizer with the eggplant Parmesan entree." "Although she's not too crazy about all the cheese." "We'll start with the mussels and the clams." "For the entree, two eggplant Parmesans, please." "Go easy on the mozzarella." "You got this so perfect." "Sometimes you have to take chances." "To taking chances?" "I was taking a chance the night you met me." "Dancing?" "Sometimes I like to do crazy things just to see if I will actually do them." "Me, too." "That's why I was Samurai Sal." "I was doing fine until you came along." "I wanted to give those kids a treat." "I love kids." "They can just always be themselves." "I hate people who have to put on an act." "Me, too." "That's why I'm moving back to Italy in a month." "I don't have many friends here." "I haven't had a close friend in years." "Unless you include Max." "I love my Max." "I love all animals, actually." "Except for birds." "Like rats with wings." "To our Maxes." "You said you just got out of a relationship." "What happened to that friend?" "He was not the best looking man." "But, uh, he was sweet and loyal." "It's a hard combination to find in America." "He started to do something that I cannot stand for." "What's that?" "He started to" "Grazie" "He started to, uh" "Started to" "How do you say?" "He started to" "Hello?" "Now?" "Uh, yeah, no." "I'll be right there." "I must go." "Do you want me" "No." "Sit, enjoy your food and, um, I will make this up to you." "He started to lie about who he was and not being himself." "Do you understand?" "Kind of." "You lied to her." "I told her I was a Navy Seal." "What else?" "That I was a master chef." "I can't even toast a Pop Tart." "Okay, just calm down." "Calm down." "I have already devised a plan for reconciliation." "Every girl has got the perfect man that she dreams about spending the rest of her life with." "Not so much his looks, you know, but his personality." "His dreams." "His desires." "I'm gonna find out what that perfect man is and become him." "She'll fall for me." "Actually, Mr. Fix It." "So much so that she'll cancel her move back to Italy." "She's moving back to Italy?" "When she cancels her move, she's fallen for Mr. Fix It." "Then," "I'll reveal that all the reasons she fell for me are lies." "Lies told on an effort to become her good friend for those two weeks." "But now that she's canceling her move, she's gotta know the truth because I don't want a relationship and I don't want to fall in love." "It'll make your lies look like childhood fibs." "She'll be in such a tailspin, she's gonna need someone to hold on to." "That's where you come in." "Will it work?" "Take a leap of faith!" "Now, do you have anything that'll remind her of you?" "I have this candelabra on my coffee table." "She loves it." "Great." "Send it to this address." "Oh, and, uh- learn some of this, uh?" "She likes it when you speak Italian." "Hello, babe, what's going on?" "Don't forget tonight until 10:30 all drinks 50% off." "Hope you left your cellphone at home 'cause I'm not letting you get off so easy." "I never get off easy." "Two Jack and Cokes." "Easy on the Coke." "Grazie." "I like a man who takes control." "I saw you." "You like when people watch." "There's a better view from upstairs." "This place lets people forget their troubles." "They're much more free." "I like a girl who can drink." "Come on." "I told you it's a better view from up here." "Look at them." "Do you want to be free, Lance?" "Dance with me." "Dance with me." "It's been a long time since" "You bitch." "Sorry?" "You gotta be kidding me." "You know this guy?" "No." "Okay, pal." "Why don't you go home and sleep it off?" "All I wanna know is why you did it." "I'm gonna put this as nicely as possible." "Ugh!" "Oh!" "I'm gonna break your face!" "It's getting stuffed in here." "Let's get some air." "I want to dance." "What are they doing?" "I want to dance." "Let's dance." "Whoa!" "Come, come." "Grazie." "Ta-da." "I rescue this damsel in distress and all she has for me is her laugh." "And a kiss." "Ugh!" "But you are still a frog." "I like a man who can dance." "You like a man who can dance and who takes control." "So far, you know, I'm two for two." "What else do you like?" "What is your perfect man?" "I like a man who is spontaneous." "Let's fly to Paris right now." "I like a man who is romantic." "Shall I compare thee to summer's day?" "Thou art more lovely." "I like a man who is cocky." "Falling in love with me, aren't you?" "I like a man who is funny." "What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?" "Elephino." "I like a man who sacrifices making a lot of money to pursue a dream." "A dream which he can reach and one which he cannot wait to share with me." "And I like a man who is in touch with the child that lives inside, and he likes to play childish games, and he's not embarrassed to play them with me." "And I like a man who is willing to take a leap of faith." "And I can see his faith in us every time he looks at me, and I can feel it in his touch every time he caresses me." "But most of all," "I like a man who knows how to quit when he's ahead." "Every year this town holds the Citrus Beach street car race for anyone who qualifies." "It's quite the event." "People come from miles away to watch." "If you win, you get to race in the Clear Lake 200." "Professional drivers, professional track." "Some view winning the street, as the best chance to get on the circuit." "Is that your dream?" "That's why I'm in this town." "This year's gonna be my year." "Where is your dream machine?" "It is beautiful." "I want to be the first to give you a victory kiss." "You're not afraid of racing cars?" "Takes a lot more than that to scare me." "Me, too." "Hi, Max." "Hello." "Hello." "Hello!" "My ex has a candelabra just like this." "He did have good taste." "Do you miss him?" "I don't miss the lying." "And I certainly don't miss how he always wanted to have sex in the middle of a touching moment." "Who is this?" "That's my dad." "He's a good driver." "Came here to race when I was a kid." "Did he race a lot?" "He was always taking me to see the cars." "I loved the cars." "He truly felt I could do anything as long as I believed that dreams come true." "He always said that." "Do you see him often?" "He died when I was 18." "He had a great smile." "When I close my eyes and see him, he's always smiling." "You have his smile." "Can I rip off your panties and make love to you right now?" "No!" "I'm not wearing any panties." "We can't do this." "No." "Phone, phone." "Hello?" "Tonight?" "Uh, um, I'll" "I'll pick some up on the way." "Okay." "Okay." "I must go." "Good bye my... good friend." "Seems like everybody's got a girlfriend." "Heck, even I got a girlfriend." "I hate to tell you this, Lance, but it looks like you're the last man standing." "Right, I sure am." "What's the big deal about love, anyway?" "These people seem to need it." "Do you think these people really feel true love?" "Or is it just companionship?" "Excuse me, sir." "Immediately after you're finished making love, do you think about how fortunate and fulfilling it is to share such unconditional intimacy, or do you just fall asleep?" "What do you think?" "But I don't snore, do I, honey?" "Hey, you." "When you set the alarm at night, do you give yourself an extra half hour just so you can hold her before you start the day?" "Ouch!" "When you're together and there's silence, like right now, do you think about what the other's thinking or do you think about something else?" "I think about the dog I wanna get." "You don't think about me?" "This place makes me sick." "Wait!" "This Italian girl does crazy things just to see if she can do them." "Can dance the mambo blindfolded." "Isn't afraid of racing cars and you still feel nothing." "She's a job, Dan." "A job that's about to kick in overdrive." "Oh, no." "The Pretty In Pink stage." "That's right." "Time to make her love me like a montage in a bad '80s movie." "What are you thinking?" "The ocean." "It's loud." "There's really nothing to look at except water." "And it smells like fish." "Yet, it is so soothing." "My grandmother, she lives on the beach in Italy." "And all she does is sit on her deck and stare at the waves." "As if each one is a different memory." "Couple more days and you'll be seeing her." "My ex-boyfriend is here." "You should go say hello." "Grazie." "Just like I said." "Say hi." "Let her keep you in her mind." "He's a sweet man." "A liar but sweet." "He actually said that I was his true love." "It's funny." "Why?" "Don't you believe true love exists?" "Don't ask me." "You should ask someone who has lived." "Wanna know if we believe in what?" "True love." "Sure." "The kind of love that grows deeper as the years progress." "Exactly." "See if that fixed it." "Hold it, hold it." "So, what you wanna know is if we believe in true love." "Yeah." "We've all been lucky enough to find it at least once in our life." "Don't you believe that it exists?" "I think I'm incapable of it." "Incapable?" "You're afraid." "Look at you." "Young and vibrant." "You have the whole world in your grasp." "Maybe that's why you don't have love in your life." "You're afraid if you fall in love, maybe you'll lose all of that." "And you'll end up like we did." "Like, uh they say" "What did they say we were?" "Useless." "Yeah." "Useless." "Ah." "Ah!" "Bingo." "You fixed it?" "No." "We have to go to Bingo." "If we don't leave now, we're not gonna be able to sit across from the O'Malley widows." "Don't worry about it, kid." "You'll figure it out." "Wally and the boys say good luck." "It looks great, Lance." "You're up." "That is for luck." "There's lot of good racers here." "You know, I think I need more luck." "It's a thin track, luck, and sometimes play rolling" "Sun can sometimes" "Lance Valenteen, please sign in." "Coming, coming!" "What do you think, Lance?" "It's like a dream come true." "Spread the word, Lance." "Yeah." "That us old folks ain't got useless after all." "Spread the word." "How?" "How is he doing?" "Not bad." "You're in, Lance." "Best time, yet." "See you Sunday." "Too bad you're not gonna be around to see me race." "I'm not going anywhere." "Bu- but Italy" "I cancelled my move, Lance." "There is no way I'm going to miss this." "You'll have the money for the parts, right?" "I sure will." "That's all we gotta say?" "And you'll give us all those tickets?" "Yeah." "You want me to pull away after she sees me and the dog." "You got an extra set of keys, right?" "We'll just park it round the corner." "Lance-a-rooney!" "Hi, Pops." "How about dinner tomorrow night?" "Sure." "I know this is gonna sound strange." "But, uh, I was wondering if you could wait" "Tomorrow is D-day." "This is how is gonna work." "Sophia loves dogs." "She loves my dog Max." "At 6:30 she's gonna arrive at my house for an evening of dinner and dance." "As she walks up, she'll see the local dog catcher parked outside my house." "Caged in the back will be Max, being driven away to a seemingly hapless fate." "Then at 6:32, what happened to the inner child that she treasures in a man?" "A group of kids who know Sophia from Go Karts will ride up and tell her they've seen her with me." "They'll beg her to talk some sense into me." "I threatened to beat them up when they played their loud stupid games outside my house." "I broke a bike one time I got so mad." "I love car racing." "My dream is to win street." "Following your dream is very important to her." "More important than money." "At 6:40 she'll think that fixing up my Camaro was not to pursue my dream but to make a quick buck." "There will be two guys high-fiving each other excited to race street." "Excited because they just bought a ringer." "Then, at 6:44 she enters my house." "My recently acquired house, since she thinks I just moved to town." "She'll start asking all these questions." "The car, the kids, the dog." "Then she'll see my bird and be like," ""You have a bird?" "You hate birds. "" "In an effort to calm her down, I'll ask her to sit by me." "When she does," "I'll show her my Citrus Beach High School yearbook." "She'll realize I didn't just move to town." "I've lived here all my life." "That's when I tell her that everything has been a lie." "I'm not who you think I am." "I'll tell her." "I'm actually... a liar." "Max was my dog, I hate birds," "I love to do childish things." "I'm new in this town." "My dream is to race cars." "They were all lies." "Lies told on an effort to become your good friend until you left for Italy." "But now that you're not leaving," "I can't continue the lying, and I certainly can't continue to see you." "At that point she'll probably stand up, throw something at me, and leave." "To top it off, as she's leaving she'll see my father on the other side of the door." "Alive and well." "At 7:45 you surprise her with a dozen roses and a sympathetic shoulder." "Right now, your lies are the farthest thing from her mind." "My life will be complete if this works." "So will mine." "It has to work, 'cause she's the only one for me and I don't wanna grow old alone." "That would suck." "Hurry up." "You're the one who wanted to do this." "I feel like I'm 20 years old." "Alright, maybe 40." "Lad, a little help." "Oh!" "I can't remember the last time I ran so fast." "I don't feel so useless now." "Did you see that, Lance?" "I'm not sure what I'm seeing." "Surprise!" "Sophia, you didn't need to" "What I need and what I want is seldom different." "Yes." "I'm on my way." "I have to run, but, um, I will come back later." "We go dancing, yes?" "Why do you always get called away?" "You want to see my dream?" "This country is the only country that does not cherish its elders." "It thinks they're, um, how do you say?" "Useless?" "My dream is to change all that by showing how much older people can still give." "Who knows?" "It might even reveal the secret to life." "She's ready for you now." "I apologize, but you just never know when they're ready to open up." "Grazie." "She was beautiful, wasn't she?" "Come." "Thank you so much." "I brought a friend today, Ms. Cliverhorn." "Okay." "Whenever you're ready." "I thought about your question and it kept me up several nights as it did others." "I thought it was a difficult question, but actually it's quite simple." "When I was young, about your age," "I was fascinated with old people." "I watched them as if they were warning signs of life." ""Be careful or some day you'll be old. "" "It made me believe that the secret of life was staying young." "No responsibilities, no worries, no problems." "As long as I remained spontaneous, playful, and carefree," "I would never become old." "Unfortunately, possessing those qualities had a bitter side effect." "Loneliness." "When I was young I didn't notice the loneliness, but as I got older staying young became more and more difficult." "Loneliness, I realized, was starting to make me old." "But instead of finding somebody to be spontaneous, playful, and carefree with me," "I continued lying to myself." "As so many do." "Until now." "The secret of life isn't staying young." "The secret of life is finding a love that grows fonder as you grow older." "It's what many call true love." "Because when you have true love you feel young, no matter what age you are." "True love makes you young." "Do you understand?" "Bill." "Bill!" "What the hell are you doing?" "Oh, hey, Lance." "What's up?" "I'll be right back, okay?" "How're you doing?" "Who's that?" "Uh, Carol." "Great kisser but not the brightest bulb in the house." "Which is good, 'cause it'll make it easier to cheat on Sophia when I get her back." "But you were so distraught." "I'm paying you to do a job." "If you'll excuse me, I need to get her home so I can prepare for my big night." "'Cause I hate for you to have to give me that car and miss the race since it seems you already used my refund money to fix it up." "Right?" "You're dating that guy who races go karts, right?" "You seem like a nice lady but... that guy is crazy." "Look what he did to my bicycle." "You are sure this is Lance?" "Lives in there?" "It's him." "Sorry to tell you all this, lady." "But he's making our lives living hell." "Does he even take showers?" "I'll talk to him." "Thanks, lady." "We got us a new ride, baby." "This baby's taking me to the promised land." "Yeah!" "I just saw Max an- and these boys." "They said you've been hurting them." "You car, did you sell it?" "Where is Max going?" "And" "A bird?" "I thought you hated birds." "Calm down." "Just... sit here." "I don't understand." "It's 1995." "You said you just moved here." "I needed you to see all this because..." "I'm not who you think I am." "I'm actually" "You are actually what?" "I'm actually..." "Mr. Fix It." "I was hired by your ex-boyfriend Bill to make you get back with him." "You broke up with him because of his lying." "I was supposed to get you to fall for me and then tell you everything was lies." "His lies wouldn't look that bad." "But you see, I can't do it because I've fallen for you." "So thi- this has all been a job." "Yes!" "No!" "I haven't been Mr. Fix It." "I've been who I've never been able to be." "Myself." "Well, I never want to see you again." "Listen to me, okay?" "Look, I'm in love with you." "Love?" "What do you know about love?" "I can't think of tomorrow without thinking of you." "And that makes me, for the first time ever, look forward to the rest of my life." "Please!" "Don't open that door." "I am actually" "Karen Shawnassy." "Also known as Ms. Fix It." "My employees." "Bill Smith." "Maggy Cliverhorn." "Also of course your friends who hired me to prove to you that you really are capable of love after all." "I hope you realize what a special gift it is." "Because to go through life without love, is to never live at all." "I believe you owe us a refund." "No exceptions whatsoever." "It's around the corner." "If it's any consolation," "I was really starting" "Hey, Lance." "The guys have known about Mr. Fix It for a long time." "I'm sorry." "We just... wanted to show you how important love is." "Well... congratulations." "You succeeded." "Come on." "I've got a surprise for you." "I've had enough surprises." "Yeah, I know, but, uh, this one's really fast." "Hey, Lance." "It's all yours." "And it's ready for action." "Listen to me." "Stay alert." "Watch the sides." "Keep it even." "And do not be afraid to make a mistake." "Even a great car can make a mistake." "No matter how good she feels or how good she looks." "And that's when the driver has to be forgiving." "Because that's the only way you're gonna get to the finish line." "I questioned early on whether or not you were gonna be my last case." "You see, things started to feel just different with you." "And the more time we spent together, the more Karen started to come out." "Hey." "Hey." "How's it going?" "I actually think he's really cute." "Oh-oh." "Do you think these socks are too much?" "And I questioned for the first time if I was capable of such deception." "And I realized in the end that" "I wasn't." "See, you have allowed me to just be me as well." "I'm Karen Shawnassy." "And as of today I've started a new career." "Race car ownership." "And, uh, I'd like you to me my driver." "Grazie." "Let's go win a race." "Wow." "Really looks good, don't you think, ladies?" "Oh, nice and firm." "It's got some miles but that makes for a smoother ride." "And I can't wait to check that dipstick." "Let's go!"