"Here's what you missed on Glee." "Quinn and Puck want their baby back, but then Puck kissed Shelby, so now he doesn't know what side he's on." "Do you want our baby back or not?" "Santana and Brittany have a secret thing going, and they quit the Glee Club with Mercedes to join the Trouble Tones." "Awesome!" "More backup for me." "Sue and Burt are mad at each other because they're both running for Congress." "I'm too late to get on the ballot, but I can still run as a write-in candidate." "And Kurt and Rachel and Brittany are all mad at each other because they're all running for class president." "I will see you at the debate." "Everyone's mad at each other." "It's crazy." "No, you're crazy!" "Did you airbrush out your jowls?" "I can't work with her!" "I thought I smelled blue collar." "Stop!" "Would you turn that thing off?" "And that's what you missed on Glee." "It's happened." "The Lion King, Puckfasa, has been caged." "I've been in love before, but this time feels different." "This time feels grown up." "Don't judge me." "I'm 18; it's legal." "Besides, the age difference isn't that crazy." "Just look at Ashton and Demi, Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal," "Woody Allen and that Chinese girl." "I get that teacher/student relationships are tricky, but aren't all relationships?" "I'm willing to put in the work for this one." "When she looks at me, I don't feel like a boy anymore." "I feel like the man that I've always wanted to be." "A family man." "I live for fourth period." "Shelby's been subbing for Mr. Clippenger in Geometry ever since he ate that bad cantaloupe." "I know I'm supposed to be learning about grammars and stuff, but all I can think about is what color underwear Ms. C is wearing and if she knows how to dance." "Did you do your homework, dude?" "Oh, wow, man." "Wait." "W-Wait a second, man." "What do you think the teacher's gonna look like this year?" "Whoa!" "♪ T-Teacher, stop that screaming ♪" "♪ Teacher, don't you see?" "♪" "♪ Don't want to be no uptown fool ♪" "♪ Maybe I should go to hell, but I am doing well ♪" "♪ Teacher needs to see me after school ♪" "♪ I think of all the education that I missed ♪" "♪ But then my homework was never quite like this ♪" "♪ Oh, got it bad, got it bad, got it bad ♪" "♪ I'm hot for teacher ♪" "♪ I got it bad, so bad ♪" "♪ I'm hot for teacher ♪" "Ah, I think the clock is slow, man." "I don't feel tardy." "Ah, I just been here so long." "I got to get out of here." "Class dismissed!" "♪ I heard about your lessons, but lessons are so cold ♪" "♪ I know about this school ♪" "♪ Little girl from Cherry Lawn, how can you be so bold?" "♪" "♪ How did you know that golden rule?" "♪" "♪ I think of all the education that I missed ♪" "♪ But then my homework was never quite like this ♪" "♪ Whoa, got it bad, got it bad, got it bad ♪" "♪ I'm hot for teacher ♪" "♪ I've got it bad, so bad ♪" "♪ I'm hot for teacher ♪" "♪ Whoa, oh, yes, I'm hot ♪" "♪ Oh, whoa, oh, yes, I'm hot ♪" "♪ Whoa. ♪" "Whoo!" "Wow!" "Puck, guys, spectacular!" "What a way to start off this week!" "You guys didn't even need an assignment to work on this." "You just did it." "Mr. Schuester, while the performance was excellent-- particularly the drumming-- don't you think that the subject matter is a little inappropriate?" "Well, that depends on what Puck's intent was when he chose this song." "I guess I just, uh, dig Van Halen." "All right!" "Rock on!" "Yep, good job, guys." "Burt Hummel-- he's running for Congress." "Last year, he had a heart attack." "He might have had a heart transplant." "And he might have got it from a baboon." "Baboons are dangerous killers who throw their own feces when they're not tearing off people's faces or admiring their own weird butts." "Congress is bad enough." "If Burt Hummel thinks what Washington needs is more baboon parts, then he needs a brain transplant." "Watch out, baboons." "Burt Hummel and his baboon heart." "Wrong on the issues, wrong for Ohio." "I'm Sue Sylvester." "I have a human heart, and I approve this mes..." "The man had angioplasty!" "She's telling lies!" "She's playing dirty and she's getting away with it!" "Okay." "Will, breathe deep, breathe deep, breathe deep." "We have to play nice." "Because if you win by fighting dirty, it's not really winning." "That's what we teach our students." "Right?" "What you're doing is appalling." "Do you know 20% of all voters think my dad actually has a baboon heart." "It's not personal, Porcelain, it's politics." "And politics are all about playing dirty." "You should know." "Your squeaky-clean campaign for class president is getting a good ol' fashioned country shellackin'." "Yo, fellow Americans." "Okay, listen." "A vote for Brittany is a vote for root beer water fountains and robot teachers." "Did you say "robot teachers"?" "Yep." "Radical!" "I've always wanted one." "And also, listen." "Rachel Berry is still on MySpace and thus unfit to lead." "That's ridiculous." "Brittany's making promises she can't deliver on." "It's lying!" "And no one is even on MySpace, not even Rachel!" "It doesn't matter." "Brittany's got their attention." "And you're playing all nice, campaigning for a salad bar in the cafeteria." "It's boring, it's tired, it's not going to get you elected." "Well, obesity is a huge problem at this school." "Especially in the Glee Club." "Have a seat, Yasser." "You know why I fight dirty?" "Because I'm fighting for something." "I have a cause, several actually." "I hate the arts... and a bunch of other stuff." "If you want to win, find yourself a cause, my friend." "Then start flinging poo." "Winning is really about poo flinging." "I refuse to believe that." "I agree that perhaps I need a better cause, but I'm going to win this thing without having to fling a single stinky nugget." "Well, good luck with that, son of Burt "Baboon Heart" Hummel." "It's not personal." "Hey, Shelby, what's up?" "We haven't talked since" "Mercedes and Santana and Brittany left New Directions." "I hope you know, I kept my word." "I know." "You didn't recruit anyone." "It was, it was me." "They left because of me." "No, no, it's not your fault." "They're talented." "They just want a chance to take center stage during their senior year." "Did you get your letter today?" "About Sectionals?" "Yeah." "Figures we'd be up against you." "Don't forget the Dulcet Dazzlers." "So lame." "You know, we may get along, but the kids won't." "I mean, it's going to get ugly around here." "It's the last year for a lot of them and they want to win." "Well, maybe competition will bring out the best in them." "Or maybe it'll turn into World War Glee." "We usually do mash-ups around this time." "It's always my favorite." "Everyone's so happy." "So, you can still do it." "You know, maybe there's a way to work with all this fighting spirit." "Get the kids to channel it into something great." "Talk to me." "What are you doing here?" "Shelby told us she had something to show us." "What are you doing here?" "Mr. Shue said the same thing." "Let me guess, he wants to combine choirs for Sectionals." "Well, it's not gonna happen." "The Trouble Tones are here to stay." "So why don't you shuffle your busted choir off our stage." "Look, you guys, we can compete without being enemies." "All right?" "We don't have to get vicious." "Oh, I think we do, Soft Serve." "See, the Trouble Tones are 3F:" "fierce, femme, phenomenal." "Oh, and, guys, hurry up, go get some moist towels." "We have to keep Finn wet before we can roll him back in the sea." "Okay, you know what, Santana, Finn is in great shape, and your meanness only highlights your own personal insecurities." "And, Rachel, your mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator's." "♪ It's been a long time since I came around ♪" "♪ It's been a long time but I'm back in town ♪" "♪ This time, I'm not leaving without you ♪" "Is this what having a stroke feels like?" "Because I like it." "♪ Just you and I ♪" "♪ Sharing our love together ♪" "♪ And I know in time ♪" "♪ We'll build the dreams we treasure ♪" "♪ We'll be all right, just you and I ♪" "♪ Something, something about this place ♪" "♪ Just you and, just you and I ♪" "♪ Something 'bout lonely nights ♪" "♪ And my lipstick on your face ♪" "♪ Just you and I ♪" "♪ Something, something about ♪" "♪ My cool Nebraska guy ♪" "♪ You and I ♪" "♪ Yeah, something about ♪" "♪ Baby, you and I ♪" "♪ Oh, you and I ♪" "♪ Remember our first embrace ♪" "♪ The smile that was on your face ♪" "♪ The promises that we made ♪" "♪ Ooh ♪" "♪ And now your love is my reward ♪" "♪ And I love you even more ♪" "♪ Than I ever did before ♪" "♪ Something, something about this place ♪" "♪ Just you and, just you and I ♪" "♪ Something 'bout lonely nights ♪" "♪ And my lipstick on your face ♪" "♪ Just you and I ♪" "♪ Something, something about ♪" "♪ My cool Nebraska guy ♪ ♪ I love you, you and I ♪" "♪ Put your drinks up ♪" "♪ For Nebraska ♪ ♪ For Nebraska ♪" "♪ For Nebraska, Nebraska ♪" "♪ I love you ♪" "♪ You and I ♪" "♪ You, you and I ♪" "♪ Nebraska ♪" "♪ I'd rather die ♪" "♪ Without you and I ♪" "♪ We made it ♪" "♪ You and I. ♪" "Mr. Shue, Shelby, I think we can all admit that that was weirdly amazing." "But what exactly was the point?" "That sometimes bringing together two conflicting things can create something totally unexpected." "We're not combining Glee Clubs, Mr. Shue." "That's not what I'm talking about." "Shelby and I agree that with Sectionals coming up for both of us, it's time we all got serious with some friendly competition." "Each group's going to put together their own mash-up to perform head-to-head." "For the first annual" "McKinley High Mash-Off." "Mash-Off." "Yeah!" "Come on, now." "Get you some!" "Let's do this!" "That's pretty good, right?" "They were out of apples in the cafeteria." "Thank you." "I want you." "I'm your teacher." "You're my sub." "You can't deny the chemistry." "I'm not some kid." "I'm 18." "I've already been with a lot of older women." "Look, Noah, you are very charming and surprisingly sweet." "The kiss was a mistake." "Well, that mistake meant something to me." "I felt something I've never felt before." "I'm in love with you." "Oh, God." "Wait." "I made a list of the reasons we should be together." "Number one: you're hot." "Number two:" "I'm hot." "Number three:" "Beth needs a dad." "And why shouldn't it be her actual dad?" "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel something, too." "You want a mash-up?" "We're the ultimate mash-up;" "two things that maybe shouldn't work together but do." "I would lose my job." "Only if I told, and I never would." "You have a crush." "It's sweet and it's normal and you're gonna get over it." "I dream about us being together." "A real family." "Taking stupid pictures for our Hanukkah cards, renting an RV and all of us hitting Coachella." "What's up with that crib you ordered?" " Is it still in pieces all over your living room floor?" " Yes." "See?" "You need me." "I can help you with stuff like that." "Let me take care of it this week." "No, that's not gonna happen." "Why?" "Because you're afraid you won't be able to resist me?" "I know that's why you haven't had me back to babysit since we made out." "You know this is gonna happen." "+" "Okay, guys, we have our work cut out for us this week with this mash-off." "The Trouble Tones have a lot of powerful voices, so song selection is key here." "Any suggestions?" "What about The Clash?" "Uh, The Police?" "REM!" "No." "Spice Girls." "Jonas Brothers." "Guys, no, no, we can't use any of those bands." "The only thing they have in common is that they all broke up, and right now the New Directions need to feel united." "I like what you're saying, Finn." "It's not just about the music, but where it comes from." "Who do you think we should use?" "How about this?" "People think Hall and Oates are famous for their cool, puffy hair and that dude's banging 'stache." "Awesome." "But also they're awesome for staying together over the long haul." "Just like us, despite all their differences." "I think we should give the solo to the new guy." "Get him prepared for what's in store when the stakes get high." "Rory, I think you'll do a good job." "Thanks, Finn, but I don't think I'm ready for that honor just yet." "Come on." "You're totally ready, Rory." "You'll kill it." "We'll all help you." "It's a great idea, Finn." "Thanks." "I'm losing patience." "Why hasn't Child Protective Services done anything to Shelby yet?" "I don't know." "Wait." "Did you do something to screw this up already?" "You have to be extra nice to Shelby so that we can babysit more because we've hardly been over there, and we need to spend as much time bonding with our baby as we can so that when I get her," "she doesn't freak out when I hold her." "I'm being really nice to her, believe me." "Look, this isn't a game, okay?" "I know Shelby's threatened by me." "But I am willing to do whatever it takes to get closer to her because closer to her is closer to Beth." "I would like to join the Trouble Tones." "I have to think about that." "Thanks a million, Finn." "I just want you to know that no matter what," "I have your back." "Like when that girl with the lips was saying you look like a whale, I wanted to tell her that I think you look fine." "I'm just sick of her talking smack about me, you know?" "Have you ever heard of the term "trash talk"?" "Is that when you discuss trash?" "No." "In sports, it's when one player insults another to try and get them off their game." "And Santana's trying to demean us to get inside of our heads so that we remain losers." "Well, it's time to start getting inside of hers." "Hey there, Orca." "Hey, Santana, you look like an ass-less J.Lo." "You're skinny like all the crops failed on your family's farm." "That is the lamest thing I didn't understand a word of." "Not one word." "Is that really all that you can come up with?" "You seriously think that you can out-insult me?" "I'm from Lima Heights." "I was raised on insults." "It's how mi abuela put me to sleep at night, and she is not a nice lady." "You know, she tried to sell me once?" "And it wasn't till I got to kindergarten that I learned my name wasn't "Garbage Face."" "Then we'll have to settle this another way." "Uh, today, after school." "Bring your Trouble Tones." "Are you suggesting what I think you are?" "Yeah, I am." "Dodgeball." "Hey, Rachel." "Hi." "As you might have heard," "I'm applying to the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts." "Ugh!" "All the girls who beat me out in the auditions when I was in New York, they all graduated from there." "Well, my grades are perfect, and I was the lead in the school musical and I plan on winning the election for student class president, so I just need a letter, a killer letter of recommendation." "Wait." "You're asking me to write it?" "Actually, I've, I've already written it, so all you would have to do is just sign, and my resumé's in there as well with the letter, so..." "I thought that, you know, your pedigree as a National Champion show-choir coach would just make some noise with the admissions committee." "Makes sense." "Okay." "Okay." "Bye." "I'm so proud of you." "You are truly a star, Rachel." "And it's all still out there in front of you." "I'm not going to be the first person to be a little jealous of all the amazing things you have lying ahead." "I'm just going to be the only one who's also cheering you on." "Maybe you could come to my Broadway debut." "Ooh, don't try to stop me." "Maybe you could write your own version of the letter." "It's such an impressive resumé." "You have the musical and all the clubs and... maybe even" "Student Council president." "I feel bad for all the kids that don't have these big-ticket items in their CVs." "They don't have a chance in hell of getting into NYADA." "+" "This could be deadly." "I mean, facing our foes head-on without any adult supervision?" "So, uh, you know that our NYADA applications are due next week." "I only need one more letter of recommendation." "I wrote to Patti LuPone on her Web site, but I haven't heard from her yet, so..." "I-I really, I..." "I really miss you, Kurt." "And I just..." "I just..." "I really want to be your friend again." "Well, maybe you should've thought of that before you walked all over me in your borderline-sociopathic climb to the top." "Let's roadhouse!" "Oh, it's on, Pillsbury Dough Turd." "Excuse me." "I've never heard of this game of dodging balls before." "What's the rules?" "Don't die." "Let's do this." "♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪" "♪ Why don't you hit me with your best shot?" "♪" "♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha ♪" "♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪" "♪ Fire away ♪" "♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha ♪" "♪ One way or another, I'm gonna find ya ♪" "♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha ♪" "♪ One way or another I'm gonna win ya ♪" "♪ I'll getcha, I'll getcha ♪" "♪ You're a real tough cookie with a long history ♪" "♪ Of breaking little hearts like the one in me ♪" "♪ That's okay, let's see how you do it ♪" "♪ Put up your dukes, let's get down to it ♪" "♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪" "♪ Why don't you hit me with your best shot?" "♪" "♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha ♪" "♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪" "♪ Fire away!" "♪" "♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha ♪" "♪ And if the lights are all out ♪" "♪ I'll follow your bus downtown ♪" "♪ See who's hanging out ♪" "♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪" "♪ Fire away ♪" "♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha ♪" "♪ Hit me with your best shot, fire away ♪" "♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha ♪" "♪ Hit me with your best shot. ♪" "Okay." "Good game." "Boy, oh, boy, that was a cracker!" "What?" "Whoa!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "For God's sakes, he's bleeding!" "Maybe that's how the others treat us around here, but we don't do this to each other!" "We're better than this!" "God, calm down, Grandma." "The game's over!" "We still won." "Ladies, vocal warm-ups can wait." "Now, I was up half the night thinking about our mash-up for the mash-off, and it came to me" " Adele." "I sound just like her." "Dude, I love her." "She sounds like what banana cream pie sounds like when it sings." "I think it's a great idea, Mercedes." "I think that we could really kill with that stuff." "Agreed." "And now with that decision out of the way," "I can stay focused on my one-sided battle of wits with the knuckle-dragger." "Santana, the dodgeball thing was fun, until the end, but enough." "No, honey, I'm just getting started." "I'm the leader of this group and I'm telling you lay off those guys." "I'm sorry." "The leader?" "Who died and made you queen, Aretha?" "I brought you guys in and I came up with the idea for our mash-up while you were wasting time trying to figure out how to make Finn Hudson cry." "So I nominate myself as President of the Trouble Tones." "All in favor?" "I'm not impressed by your campaign." "You didn't put any posters up." "Four in favor means Mercedes gets elected." "And she's right." "We should all be focusing on winning because we're better, not meaner." "Mr. Shue and I both agreed on the ground rules." "We play fair." "I just don't have time for this kind of thinking." "Well, make time." "Because you are a star member of this group and you need to represent." "♪ Stop the violence. ♪" "Come on." "Okay." "God, okay." "Look, I'll play fair." "From now on, I will be so nice that cotton candy won't melt in my mouth." "That's really nice." "That's really nice." "Hey, Tubs, can I talk to you for a second?" "Hey, listen here." "You can't make fun of Finn anymore." "Shut your potato hole." "I'm here to apologize." "Rachel's right." "I haven't been fair to you." "You're not fat." "I should know, I slept with you." "I mean, at some point," "I must have liked that you look like a taco addict" " who's had one-too-many back-alley liposuctions." " Whoa." "Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland." "I'm trying to apologize to Lumps the Clown." "I am sorry, Finn." "I mean, really, I'm-I'm sorry that the New Directions are going to get crushed by the Trouble Tones." "I'm also sorry that you have no talent." "I'm sorry that you sing like you're getting your prostate checked and you dance like you've been asleep for years and someone just woke you up." "Have fun riding on Rachel's coattails for the rest of your life." "Although, you know what, I would just watch out for her come holiday time, if I were him, because if I were her, I'd stick a stent in one of those boobs and let the Finn blubber" "light the Hanukkah lamp for eight magical nights." "Hey, Santana." "Why don't you just come out of the closet?" "You know, I think I know why you're so good at tearing everybody else down." "It's because you're constantly tearing yourself down, because you can't admit to everybody that you're in love with Brittany and she might not love you back." "That must hurt, to not be able to admit to everyone how you really feel." "You know what I think you are?" "A coward." "See you at the mash-off." "+" "He also claims he isn't married to a donkey." "Well, which is it, Burt Hummel?" "Baboon heart or donkey bride?" "Donkeys have no place in politics." "They bite off children's fingers and pee absolutely anywhere." "Do we really need another Washington politician married to a pack animal?" "Don't let Burt Hummel make an ass out of you, Ohio." "I'm Sue Sylvester, and it's not personal." "Will, you are my campaign manager." "You have got to do something about this!" "She's killing us!" "You are on the right side of the issues voters care about." "You know what it's like to run a small business." "When the recession hit, you took a pay cut so you didn't have to fire a single employee." "Will, if you don't start fighting fire with fire, we are both going to lose." "I'm going to lose the race, you're going to lose your job." "Put your thinking cap on." "Oh, who's got your nose?" "Where'd it go?" "Huh?" "There it is!" "It's magic!" "Yeah." "Sorry, I should probably be helping more." "I didn't know the directions were gonna be the foreign kind with weird pictures instead of English." "It's okay." "She likes you." "You're good with her." "That's 'cause she's the best little girl in the whole world." "Whoa!" "Oh, where'd it go?" "Isn't that right, Monkeyface?" "Can I have her for a sec?" "Sure." "Go see Mama." "Hi." "Hi." "That's a good girl." "Want to play here and give Mommy a little break?" "I got to come clean about something." "When Quinn and I babysat for you, she put a bunch of stuff around here to make you look like an unfit mother." "And then she called Child Protective Services." "But I came and got rid of it all." "Why would she do that to me?" "Because she wants to get Beth back again." "I did, too." "I thought we'd be, you know, good parents." "It was wrong and stupid and totally selfish." "I'm really, really sorry." "I..." "I always thought of Beth as an accident." "But she's no accident." "Quinn and I gave her life but somehow God or nature or whatever meant for you and her to be together." "You were always meant to be her mother." "And I'd like to be part of her life, too." "Hi." "Welcome, everyone, to day one of the first annual" "McKinley High Mash-Off!" "Okay, a couple of ground rules." "Everyone, there will be no heckling of any kind, okay?" "Ms. Corcoran, the Trouble Tones are all fired up." "Fine, fine." "Don't worry, I can do it." "I'm gonna hit that F below middle C, just like Adele." "All right, here we go." "Finn will represent the New Directions;" "Santana, the Trouble Tones for the rock-paper-scissor face-off to see who will perform first, all right?" "Let's get it going!" "Let's do this." "One, two, three!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Okay, paper covers rock." "New Directions, take the stage!" "A kiss for the winner." "♪ What I want, you've got ♪" "♪ It might be hard to handle ♪" "♪ Like the flame that burns the candle ♪" "♪ The candle feeds the flame ♪" "♪ Eh, eh ♪" "♪ What I've got's full stock ♪" "♪ Of thoughts and dreams that scatter ♪" "♪ You pull them all together ♪" "♪ And how I can't explain ♪" "♪ Oh, yeah, well, well, you ♪" "♪ I can't go for that ♪" "♪ Ooh, ooh ♪" "♪ You make my dreams come true ♪" "♪ I can't go for that, I can't go for that ♪" "♪ Well, well, well, you ♪" "♪ I can't go for that ♪" "♪ Oh, yeah, you make my dreams come true ♪" "♪ I can't go for that, I can't go for that ♪" "♪ On a night when bad dreams become a screamer ♪" "♪ When they're messing with the dreamer ♪" "♪ I can laugh it in the face ♪" "♪ Twist and shout my way out ♪" "♪ And wrap yourself around me ♪" "♪ 'Cause I ain't the way you found me ♪" "♪ And I'll never be the same ♪" "♪ Oh, yeah, well, 'cause you ♪" "♪ I can't go for that ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪" "♪ Oh, yeah, you make my dreams come true ♪" "♪ I can't go for that, I can't go for that ♪" "♪ Oh... ♪" "♪ I'm down on my daydream ♪" "♪ But that sleepwalk should be over by now ♪" "♪ I know ♪" "♪ Yeah, you ♪" "♪ Ah ♪" "♪ I'll do anything that you want me to ♪" "♪ Yeah, I ♪" "♪ Do almost anything ♪" "♪ You make my dreams come true ♪" "♪ I can't go for that ♪" "♪ Oh, you make my dreams come true ♪" "♪ I can't go for that ♪" "♪ You make my dreams come true. ♪" "Burt." "Hey, I was worried you weren't going to make it." "Are you kidding?" "I wouldn't miss this for the world." "Polls have you in first place." "Almost everyone loves the new ad." "Almost everyone?" "Well, that ad was bulletproof." "I accused Burt Hummel of using his tire shop to sexually assault automobiles." "What's not to like about that?" "Hey, Ms. C." "Quiet, please, children." "Welcome one and all to McKinley High's senior class presidential debate." "Such a magnificent turnout reflects this school's passion for democracy." "And also, a reminder:" "it is against school policy to pass gas into jars to be sold in the cafeteria." "And now, our first candidate, Rick "The Stick" Nelson." "Stick!" "Stick!" "Stick!" "Stick!" "So, I was talking to my dad, who says that since he pays taxes and stuff, like, for teachers, which pretty much means that we're your boss." "So I think it's time that the teachers started doing what we say." "And how about you stop talking in class, Mrs. Janicek?" "Everything you have to say is boring!" "Vote Rick the Stick!" "Tornadoes are nature's most destructive force." "These violent storms have ravaged America, crippling communities all across our land." "Isn't it time we take a stand?" "If you honor me with being your next class president," "I will make tornadoes illegal at McKinley, keeping you and your families at our school safe from their murderous rampages." "Also, on Tuesdays, uh, I pledge to go topless." "Whoo!" "Hello, I'm Kurt Hummel." "Um, the past few weeks," "I've tried to address the real problem of obesity at this school." "But my opponents chose empty promises and smear tactics." "Although she knows it to be untrue, my opponent Brittany stated that my face was used as a template for Hasbro's successful line of My Little Ponies." "Well, I refuse to be bullied." "In fact, I refuse to let anyone be bullied." "Today, I want to take it one step further." "I would like to hereby pledge to ban dodgeball at McKinley High." "Since its invention in 1831 by Silas W. Mangold, dodgeball has been used as a schoolyard instrument of suppression." "It's violent, it's painful, it's humiliating, and I believe that it's an equivalent to modern-day stoning." "Let's end dodgeball at McKinley High and send a strong message that violence isn't okay." "Hello, I'm Rachel Berry, and I have campaigned for president on a crusade for school book covers, a plan to save the school thousands of dollars." "Knock it off!" "While I still consider this plan an inspired stroke of political genius," "I hereby withdraw my candidacy and urge you all to vote for Kurt Hummel." "He's the only candidate here today who never went negative." "He-He's the one who deserves to be president." "That's why I-I'm casting my vote for Kurt Hummel." "Vote Hummel, McKinley." "Vote for Kurt." "Why'd you do it?" "I should have withdrawn from the race when I got the lead in the musical." "You needed the resumé boost to get into NYADA." "You're already so spectacular." "But being senior class president will just put you over the top." "Only Rachel Berry could perk up an old boring high school debate with such a riveting twist." "Drama queen." "I know." "But I just..." "I-I hated you hating me." "Me, too." "Scowling gives you forehead lines, and I'm way too young for Botox." "I guess I was just, you know, focusing on my dream of going to New York and getting into NYADA, but... then I realized that part of that dream is going there with you." "So, now I am all about helping you win." "Consider me your campaign slave." "I'm gonna hug you now, okay?" "Okay." "Okay!" " Thank you." " Oh!" "So, about the whole pastie thing..." "Let's just quit while we're ahead, doll." "+" "Hey." "I was..." "I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd drop this off for Beth." "I just got her down so..." "I left a bunch of voicemails trying to find a good time to come by." "And you never gave me a straight answer about when I can join the Trouble Tones." "I don't think it's a very good idea." "Well, Mr. Schuester won't miss me." "I reached out to you." "I came back here so that you and my daughter could have a relationship." "Oh, please, I know all about the hot sauce and the book and everything else you planted here." "You think they were just gonna come here and find those things and hand my baby over to you?" "She's my baby." "You have no idea what it means to be a mother." "It's not about whose body she comes out of;" "it's about accepting the fact that you don't matter anymore-- that your feelings, and that your life and that your body they all come second to making sure that that child is happy and safe." "Is that why you gave yours up for money?" "At least I did what I thought was best for my baby." "You were just a cash whore!" "I don't feel comfortable with you being around Beth anymore." "Is Puck going to get to see her?" "Was he the one who told you?" "We're done here." "I hope you this as a wake-up call." "Just because you take out your nose ring and dye your hair blonde again doesn't make you any less lost." "I think you need to stop making fun of Finn." "You're being really harsh." "Manatees have really thick skin." "Santana, Coach Sue needs you in her office right away." "What's going on?" "Have a seat, Santana." "I'm afraid we have some bad news, and I think I might be to blame." "Oh, you think?" "Watch your blood pressure, Bubbles." "In my campaign to become Ohio's newest congresswoman," "I've said some things that are not true, and I don't feel good about it." "I set the tone for this campaign, and now I'm afraid my slanderous chickens have come home to roost." "Santana, you should know that I have the phone number of a counselor who specializes in this." "It's something that, uh, I've been through first-hand, and I'd be willing to talk your family through it." "What are you..." "What are you talking about?" "Reggie "the Sauce" Salazar sent me an advance copy of his latest campaign ad." "It turns out he has a niece who goes to this school, and she overheard a conversation a couple of days ago between you and Finn Hudson." "Sue Sylvester wants to represent Ohio." "She says she shares your values." "If that's true, boy do we have some questions..." "If you're so into family values, why did you promote a lesbian student to be your head cheerleader?" "And when did you plan on telling Ohio families?" "Here's another question:" "Why don't you have a husband, Sue?" "Is there something you're not telling us?" "Sue Sylvester." "So many questions." "I can't believe this is happening." "I'm so sorry." "I haven't even told my parents yet." "♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪" "♪ She, she ain't real ♪" "♪ She ain't gonna be able to love you like I will ♪" "♪ Sure, she's got it all ♪" "♪ But baby, is that really what you want?" "♪" "♪ Bless your soul, you've got your head in the clouds ♪" "♪ You made a fool out of you ♪" "♪ And, boy, she's bringing you down ♪" "♪ She made your heart melt, but you're cold to the core ♪" "♪ Now rumor has it she ain't got your love anymore ♪" "♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ Don't forget me ♪" "♪ I beg ♪ ♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ I remember, you said ♪ ♪ Rumor has it ♪" "♪ I heard ♪ ♪ Ooh... ♪" "♪ That you settled down ♪" "♪ That you found a girl ♪" "♪ And you're married now ♪" "♪ I heard ♪ ♪ Ooh... ♪" "♪ That your dreams came true ♪" "♪ Guess she gave you things ♪" "♪ I didn't give to you ♪" "♪ Whoa!" "♪ ♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ Yeah, baby ♪ ♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ Don't forget me ♪" "♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪ ♪ I beg ♪" "♪ I remember, you said ♪" "♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ Never mind, I'll find someone like you ♪" "♪ Rumor has it, ooh ♪" "♪ I wish nothing but the best ♪" "♪ For you, too ♪ ♪ Rumor has it ♪" "♪ Don't forget me ♪" "♪ I beg ♪" "♪ I remember, you said ♪" "♪ Sometimes it lasts in love ♪" "♪ But sometimes it hurts instead ♪" "♪ Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes ♪" "♪ It hurts instead... ♪" "What did you just say to her?" "I said I thought you were great." "You're lying." "No, he literally just said that." "Did you tell her, too?" "Santana" " Everyone's gonna know now, because of you!" "The whole school already knows, and you know what?" "They don't care!" "Not just the school, you idiot... everyone." "What are you talking--?"