"Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend if you're getting your butterfly smashed, I am all for it." " As long as it's not Greg." " Oh..." "Paula:" "He is Josh's best friend, okay, and if you sleep with Josh's best friend, that ruins any possibility for when you finally come to your senses and realize that you were meant for Josh." "Why does Rebecca like him?" "Why is she all buddy-buddy with him?" "He's just a stupid know-it-all." "You're sleeping with Rebecca." "All the time." "A lot." "It's Greg?" "You're sleeping with Greg?" "How could you?" "_" "So you're galloping through the forest looking for me, 'cause I was stolen by the evil witch, and you finally find me in the enchanted woods." "You gasp!" "You know, gasp?" "Just go like this." "(Gasps)" "This is boring, Rebecca." "Why can't we play with my trucks?" "Shh!" "Jake, you're not getting this." "When we see each other, the spell is lifted, and a song plays." "I'm thinking that great song from the movie "Slumbered"" "Do you know it?" "It goes like this... ♪ In one indescribable instant ♪" "♪ the whole world falls away... ♪" "No way." "I'm not doing this." "What?" "Come on." "With that attitude, you're never gonna be anyone's Prince Charming, while I'm gonna have a great love story." "Greg:" "Wow." "So Paula was pretty pissed when she walked out of here." "Yeah, I don't..." "I don't know what her problem is." "You feeling better, Bunch?" "Yeah." "Hey, I'm sorry I... ruined your hot date." "What?" "Nah, I left as soon as you texted me." "Actually, I never wanted to be there to begin with." "I should've said that right off the bat." "Yeah, you should've." "What about your hot dates next week?" "You have, like, eight." "I made those up." "Those were fake." "All eight of them?" "Get out." "It is my turn now." "I have calmed down," "I am ready to speak to Rebecca, so get out." "Don't worry." "Stepping out." "♪ ♪" "I asked you a million times who you were sleeping with, and you lied to me." "And with Greg Serrano, of all people." "After everything I've done for your love story, to get you together with Josh Chan, and you betray me by picking sarcastic, alcoholic, unromantic Greg?" "(Exhales)" "Whoa." "Why are you still here?" "What... did you bring her flowers?" "Um, she's my friend, she's in the hospital." "That's what you do." "What is that?" "You-you bought her a stupid balloon?" "No, no." "No." "This balloon is not stupid." "It's genius." "The messiah is riding a unicorn over a rainbow." "It's like the Turducken of sympathy balloons." "What are you even doing here?" "I said, I'm-I'm checking up on her." "Dude, I know you two had a kind of momentary tongue connection, but Rebecca isn't into you anymore." "She's... with me now." "So maybe you should take those flowers back to your girlfriend, who you haven't been able to commit to for over 15 years." "Oh, don't turn this around on me." "This is not about me and Valencia." "Oh, okay." "Sure." "Fine, you give Rebecca these for me." "But get used to me being her friend, because Rebecca and I are close." "There's nothing you can do about that." "She and I have a history, and whether you're with her or not, we're connected." "Oh, uh-huh?" "Well, doesn't bother me and I don't care and it doesn't bother me, also a weird thing to say, and it doesn't bother me." "Also, circling back, you have a girlfriend." "Say hi to your very patient girlfriend!" "(Sighs)" "Do you have any idea the things that I have done for you?" "I have devoted my life to you." "You have no idea the lengths that I have gone to." "Take Thanksgiving, for example..." "You got me invited to Josh's house, okay." "Yes." "How did I do that?" "How did you just magically bump into Josh's mother at the market?" " Huh?" "Huh?" " I don't know." "Rebecca, under Lourdes Chan's car is a tracking device that is keyed into a beeper in my desk at the office." "I had to smuggle that device in from Armenia." "I know where that woman is every hour of every day." " Whoa." " Yeah." "And that's just the tip of the iceberg." "I have done things for you that you can't even imagine, things that would make your head spin." "And I did it for you." "No, no, I didn't ask you to do any of those things." "Don't talk... anymore!" " (Low strings begin playing)" " Paula?" "What are you doing?" "Paula, why are you shutting the doctors out?" "♪ Time for you to shut up!" "♪" "(Orchestral sting)" "♪ Time for you to sit down!" "♪" "(Orchestral sting)" "♪ Paula's tired ♪" "♪ of being your sidekick ♪" "♪ your henchman ♪" "♪ your eager ♪" " (Orchestral sting) - ♪ little ♪" "♪ clown ♪" "♪ after everything I've done for you... ♪" "♪ That I didn't ask for!" "♪" "♪ Do you have any idea the work you're undoing?" "♪" "♪ After everything I've done for you ♪" "♪ that you didn't ask for ♪" "♪ let's just say Greg isn't the only one you're screwing ♪" "Want to know all the things I've done for you?" "♪ I broke into Josh's old high school ♪" "♪ and made copies of all his grades ♪" "♪ I "bumped into" Lourdes at Starbucks ♪" "♪ and suggested you be a bridesmaid ♪" "♪ I blackmailed Valencia's boss ♪" "♪ so now I control when she teaches ♪" "♪ that's right, I make yoga class schedules ♪" "♪ there's no limit to where my reach is ♪" "♪ ♪" "♪ after everything I've done for you ♪" "♪ that you didn't ask for ♪" "♪ God!" "Will your lies never end?" "♪" "♪ After everything I've done for you ♪" "♪ that you didn't ask for ♪" "♪ the least you can do is be honest with your mother ♪" "♪ I mean, friend ♪" "♪ what's that look on your face?" "♪" "♪ You're horrified ♪" "♪ you think I'm a monster ♪" "♪ for doing your dirty work ♪" "♪ you think love is stainless and pure ♪" "♪ but beneath all the fantasy ♪" "♪ there's filth and there's gore ♪" "♪ so now it's ♪" "♪ time for me to walk out ♪" "(Orchestral sting)" "♪ Time for me to say no!" "♪" "♪ Paula's tired of working for no thanks at all ♪" "♪ Paula's ♪" "(Orchestral sting)" "♪ Gonna ♪" "(Orchestral sting)" "♪ Go... ♪" "♪ You're nothing without me ♪" "♪ and my creativity ♪" "♪ I created you ♪" "♪ you lived in my womb ♪" "♪ I mean, figuratively ♪" "♪ after everything I've done for you ♪" "♪ I don't, I don't, I don't know why ♪" "♪ so now ♪" "♪ I'm gonna say ♪" "♪ good-bye!" "♪" "(Panting)" "If you think you're over Josh, you are fooling yourself." "The other balloon options were" ""It's a boy" or "Suck it, cancer."" "You wouldn't have preferred flowers, would you?" "What?" "No." "No." "I love flowers and I love ironic stick balloons." "I love them both." "Right, but you must love one more than the other, though, right?" "I mean, maybe you love stick balloons a little bit, because you think they're funny and charming, kind of, in an, uh, unthreatening way." "But flowers, you, like, love, 'cause they hold a special place in your heart and have been there forever, and stick balloons should just give up because he's wasting his time?" "Hey, what-what-what's wrong with you?" "Hmm?" "What?" "Aah!" "I'm fine." "You're the one who's all over the place." "Really?" "How much morphine did I have?" "(Chuckles) You know what, you've been through a lot." "You're... you should rest." "I'm gonna go." "I'm gonna jet and I'm gonna text you later." "But... you could... (Sighs)" "Marco:" "Why did you freak out and leave?" "I don't know." "After I saw Josh in the hospital," "I realized she always goes back to him." "I'm just the guy she settles for." "Greg, she likes you." "She chose you." "You guys have sex 50 times a day." "Why do... why do I tell you those things?" "Eh, you got issues, kid." "Oh, it's awful." "I... (Sighs) I can't care this much." "Caring, on me, is very unattractive." "It'll ruin everything." "I chased after her for months, no interest from her," "I finally force myself to stop caring, and that's when she was into me." "That's what she likes..." "The not caring." "Oh, come on, this is embarrassing." "This is fear talking." "You're just afraid she's gonna hurt you again." "I know what I need to do." "I need to be..." "Like, the uncaring bad boy." "Oh, my God, you're an idiot." "You can look now." "I thought you weren't supposed to wear white to a wedding." "Technically it's ivory and Jayma's dress is Alaskan Snow." "Don't you already have a bridesmaid's dress?" "(Laughs) I need a second look for the reception." "Don't be insane-brain." "Also, I look amazing in this dress." "I ordered some shoes, too, but they haven't come in." "I'm just trying to be patient." "Patient, yeah." "You're good at that." "I am?" "With me." "V, I know you want a commitment." "Some women wouldn't have put up with me this long." " What are you saying?" " I'm saying" "I'm not oblivious." "I know what the next step is for us." "I'm going to look for a ring." "But I'm just asking you one thing." "Just..." "let me do it in my own way." "In my own time." "Is that okay?" "Of course." "Whatever you need." "(Mouthing)" "Heather:" "You need to realize that "you up?" Is text for "are you horny?"" "Okay, whatever, listen." "I need to talk to somebody." "And I'm in a huge fight with my best friend right now, and without her I'm feeling super insecure about Greg." "Yeah, and since you know him super well," "I don't know, I thought you could help me out." "So... what's the problem?" "I mean, I, of all people, know he digs you." "Right, okay, but we were in the hospital, and he was really sweet, and then we got home, and he was, like, weird again." "Yeah, that sounds like Greg." "I mean, you know, he gets, like, freaked about stuff." "Plus, you have that weird thing with Josh." "So maybe..." "No, no, no, no." "He knows that's over, though." "He knows that's done." "I want to be with him." "We need to share how we feel with the other..." "Yeah, we need, like, a moment, right?" "A moment, like, where the prince and princess pledge their troth." "Feed their pigs?" "No, like, they-they dance together at a ball." "Or they kiss in a tower." "They sail on a magic carpet through the sky." "I just want to look into Greg's eyes and, you know, have a moment!" "It's the moment!" "It's like, oh, it's like in that movie "Slumbered", when the princess wakes up and then the song starts." "You know... ♪ in one indescribable instant ♪" "♪ the whole world falls away... ♪" "Oh, God, you're one of those girls." "Okay, dude, so the moment you're craving isn't anchored in real emotion." "It's a script dictated to you by our society's patriarchal love narrative." "Wow, that's fascinating." "Did you learn that in school?" "No, actually that's from this month's Glamor." "Look, just tell him how you feel." "Say, "Dude, I dig you." "I got the feels."" "I mean, angels don't have to be singing or some crap." "But just, like, be chill." "(Knocking)" "Greg:" "Just remember" "I don't care." " Hey!" " Yo!" "What up?" "What up?" "I brought brew dogs!" "Yeah." "Yeah." " Hi." " Thanks." " It's good... oh." " Oh." "That's fine." "We're just hanging!" "It's fine." "Oh..." "So I, uh, I just came over to, you know, like rap and hang out and talk about stuff." "It doesn't even have to be the primary activity, though." "We can do other stuff while we're talking." "Do you, uh, do you want to watch TV?" "Yeah, sounds great." "It's great." "Turn it on." "Oh, the way we were." "I don't want to watch it." "I'm sorry." "I was just like saying, "oh, it's the way we were, blah."" "There's a monster truck rally on." "What do you think?" "That could be so bad it's awesome." "Yeah, that's funny." "It's really funny." "Hey, um, so, so the rea..." "The reason I-I," "I came over, um, uh, was I, uh, I wanted to" "(Southern accent):" "Tell you that I... (Sniffs) Did you fart?" "Yeah, I did." "I, uh, ate a bean burrito out of the freezer from the '90s, 'cause I don't care, and, uh," "I have a candle..." "Do you want it?" "I have a triple wick." "I can get it..." "I don't care, though." "Nah, I don't care, I mean, it's, you know, it's the body." "The body makes things." " So I get it." " I'm gonna, I'm gonna get it." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just..." "Cool, um..." "I'll probably let one rip, too, 'cause..." "Farting is hilarious." "It's classic humor." "What's that?" "Oh, wow, it's Jayma's wedding invitation." "(Gasps)" "Gasp." "How romantic." "It's perfect." "Little Rebecca: ♪ in one indescribable instant ♪" "♪ the whole world falls away. ♪" "♪ ♪" "I found it." "This one's extra strength." "Should do the trick." "So, what did you want to say?" "[Gasps]" "Oh, yeah." "Did you get that invite?" "Are you going to Jayma's wedding?" "Y-yes." "I was gonna ask if you were going, but I knew you were a bridesmaid and then you weren't." " What happened there?" " Oh, it was nothing." "It was just, like, a stupid clerical error." "But, um, yeah, no, I'm-I'm definitely... definitely going." "Sounds like a hoot." "Um, hey, oh, my gosh, this just popped into my nogs." "Do you want to go... together?" "Yeah." "No." "Uh, s-sure." "I don't care." "We..." "I could, um..." "We could... we could go." "Great!" "So, let me..." "I'll just make sure" "I RSVP'd with Josh's Mom." "Woman:" "Now, for my song, I need to be seated exactly 20 feet away, because I have a 15-second intro." "Myrna, this is my daughter's wedding, not a gig at Pechanga." "I'm her aunt." "This is my gift to her." "As God gifted me with my voice." "Basically, I'm giving her a gift from God." "She's registered." "She needs dish towels." "Um, just so you know, there's a" " small person staring at us." " Oh, God," "I think it's one of my fans from Star Search." "Yeah, that's probably it." "Oh, boy." "Rebecca..." " You know her?" " (Sighs)" "Mrs. Chan. (Stammers) What an Uber-duber coinkydinky to run into you here." "That's so funny." "Stop." "You're Josh's Aunt Myrna." "I've heard so much about you." "Mrs. Chan, it is so funny that I very coincidentally ran into you, because I, um..." "I actually just-just bought Jayma a wedding present." "(Gasps)" "You got the Iladro cherub on a peacock?" "This retails for $2,499." "You are an angel." "Thank you." "You know," "I'm really glad that I, again, coincidentally ran into you, because I've been wanting to talk to you about what happened with Jayma's wedding dress." "Yes, that was unfortunate." "But I know you didn't do it, Rebecca. (Exhales)" "Valencia was involved, and, with her, things tend to get complicated." "Ate, that's not very nice." "Valencia is a wonderful girl." "Anyway, so if you could give this to Jayma for me..." "I have a better idea." "Deliver it yourself." "Why don't you come to the wedding?" "Okay!" "(Chuckling) That would be great." "Thank you!" "Hey!" "Hey, hey, hey." "Guess what." "I have great news." "So, I used your Armenian tracking device to follow Lourdes, and it worked like a dream." "Let me tell you what happened." "So, I tracked Lourdes down at Boba, and I got re-invited to Jayma's wedding." "So now I can go with Greg and we can have a moment and share our feelings and our relationship can begin." "So I wanted to tell you" "Greg stuff can be really fun and sneaky, too!" "Come on!" "(Whining):" "Just take me back." "Come on." "Please, let's go have a donut." "Right?" "Let's go have a donut hole." "Let's go have a donut hole shoved into a donut." "I thought of a name for it..." "It's called a whole-nut." "No, Paula, it's a whole-nut." "A whole-nut." "(Sighs)" "I'm looking for something really pretty, Moshe." "It's gonna be a very special evening." "The start of a love story." "Ah, how wonderful." "So, have you, uh, found your bashert?" "Your soul mate." "Your destiny." "Have you..." "Have you found him yet?" "Have I found my soul mate?" " Have I found my s..." " (Door opens)" "Josh." "Rebecca, you're-you're, uh... (Clears throat) Back from the hospital." "Y-you feeling better?" "Yeah." "Thank you." "You're back, Mr. Chan." "You want to see the engagement rings you were looking at before?" "Engagement rings." "Wow." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "You know, just..." " Been thinkin' about it." "It's time." " Mm-hmm." "That's really..." "Great and romantic." "Congratulations." "Congratulations." "Oh, my God." "Congratulations." "Yeah." "So, uh, what are you doing here?" "(Chuckles)" "Right." "I'm getting earrings, uh, for your sister's wedding, actually." " Yeah." " I'm going." "I'm, um..." "I'm going..." "Oh." "Yeah." "Right." "Um, uh, well, I'm going with-with Greg." "Right." "Yeah." "Great." "Of course." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "(Scoffs)" "Wow, those are really beautiful." "Like something out of a fairy tale." "Oy vey." "What, what's with these sad faces?" "My best to you and Valencia both and always." "Thank you." "I-I also give to you and all of yours also my-my best." "Okay." "Yeah." "So, you ready to make a choice?" "Well, Becky, today's the day." "Today you are gonna tell Greg that you want to start a life together, and it's gonna be perfect." "God, pep talks into a mirror do nothing but enhance the loneliness." "(Chirping)" "Well, hello, Mr. Love Bird!" "Are you here to help me get ready for the ball?" "_" "(Gasps) You are?" "Well, that's lovely." "And I'm so glad you're here." "Because today" "I'm gonna declare my love to a prince, and it's gonna be oh-so-romantic." "A perfect moment." "(Off-key): ♪ in one indescribable instant ♪" "♪ the whole world falls away ♪" "_" "♪ in... ♪" "Greg:" "Rebecca!" "Who you talking to?" "No one!" "Who are you..." "Talking to?" "(Clears throat)" "(Humming)" "And now, the kingdom of Scarsdale presents the beautiful daughter of Silas and Naomi Bunch..." "Me!" "Okay, so just-just imagine I'm, like, floating, like, on a pillow of magic." "And there are men with trumpets lining the walkway." "Wow." "It's the movie "Slumbered"." "It's fine." "I, uh..." "I don't... know what to say." "Am I overdressed?" "Is this too... ?" " I don't know." "Is this too much?" " No." "You look all right." "All right." "Okay." "I will take that." "Oh." "You're wearing sneakers?" "Yeah, well, I didn't know you were gonna get all fancy." "I didn't know it was gonna be like a whole thing." "Um, yeah." "No, it's a wedding, uh, but I should have been clearer, so it's fine." "Let's go." "It'll be so fun, and you'll say nice things there." "Okay, I'm gonna float out." "Floating out, floating out." "(Crowd chatter)" "It was... oh, that ceremony..." "It was so beautiful." "I cried so much." "I just love weddings." "Of course you do, you poor unmarried thing." "Josh, when are you gonna put a ring on this lovely girl's finger?" "Oh, my God, this is lovely." "Yeah, I guess." "No." "Isn't it romantic?" "I don't know." "If you think about it, it's kind of the epitome of Southern California pastiche." "A chain hotel with vaguely French decor, and Italian food is being served tapas-style while a Filipino girl is marrying a Jewish guy, all with a lightly Arabian nights-style wedding." "What was this Pinterest board called:" "Ironic juxtaposition?" "I like that kind of mélange." "We're way too sober for this wedding." "How about I get us some shots?" " Okay." " Okay." "Hold on." "Okay." "Shots." "I mean, I could also go for champagne, but shots are funny, too." "Okay." "I love this." "A chain hotel with French decor and Italian food served tapas-style while a Filipino girl marries a Jewish guy in a lightly Arabian nights-style wedding." "It is so romantic." "Sure we're supposed to be wearing tuxes, dude?" "We are here to celebrate love, and we're gonna do that at a ten, am I right?" " Yeah." "Yeah!" " Mm-hmm." "Yeah." "We're fancy." "Deal with it." "Hey." "Hey." "Wow." "Look at you." "Oh, yeah." "I don't know." "Do you think it's a bit much?" "No." "You look amazing." "Like a princess." "Look, this is none of my business, but I have to say something." "If you get mad at me, I understand." "Okay." "Are you sure Greg is what you want?" "I mean, he's so sarcastic and dark, and you're not that." "You're sweet." "Um, Josh..." "I'm just afraid you're going to get hurt." "I've known Greg since I was five, and I love the dude, but he's complicated." "He quits on things as soon as they get hard." "Did you know he wanted to be a professional dodge ball player?" "And then we're not even allowed to ask him about that now." "♪ ♪" "I'm just afraid there will be a moment when he lets you down." "He's gonna disappoint you somehow." "I-I feel it." "That's very sweet of you, but I'm okay." "I'm okay." "I-I know what I'm doing." "Okay." " That's all I wanted to say." " Okay." "I'm back." "Anything, uh, interesting happen while I was away?" "Uh, no." "As soon as they open the ballroom, let's cut a rug?" "(Sighs) Yeah, I'm not so much of a dancer." "I'm more of an I-hate-dancing." "Let's do a shot and then let's go dance, okay?" "Okay." "(Door opens)" "Okay, come on." "Please?" "Just one?" "Come on." "It'll be fun." "Oh, that's really pretty." "Oh, this is so..." "lovely. (Sighs heavily)" "(Sighs)" " All right." " Shall we?" " You ready for this?" " I'm so ready." " Oh." " And... dip." " And dip." " Okay." " And dip." " Okay." " And another dip." " No!" "Okay." "Okay." "No, that's fun." "That's really funny, but let's dance for..." "Let's dance for real now." "Oh, you want the real stuff?" " I..." "I do." " Oh... ss... !" "Look, I'm sizzling bacon." " Ss..." " I'm sorry." "I..." "You know, just stop, stop, stop." "I..." "Let's really dance, dude." "Please." "Come on." "Please?" "For me?" "Thank you." "That's better." "(Sighs)" "Look, there's been something I want to say to you tonight." "And that's..." "DJ:" "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us this evening!" "It is my pleasure to introduce to you..." "Phillip and Jayma dancing for the very first time" " as Mr. and Mrs. Epstein!" " (Applause and cheering)" "(Upbeat big band song playing)" "♪ This is a happy... ♪" " That's so cute." " It's so corny." "No!" "It's two people in love, and they're dancing." "What's wrong with that?" "DJ:" "Now everyone please join the bride and groom" " on the dance floor." " What's up with you tonight?" "You're, like, extra snarky for no reason." "Guess I'm just a bad boy." " ♪ This is the moment... ♪" " What?" "(Sighs)" "Yeah, I'm sorry." "I-I'm..." "I'm-I'm trying..." "What are you trying to do?" "What... what is all this?" "You know what?" "You're right." "Let's dance for real." " Let's show off your dress." "Come on." " Oh." "♪ This is the day for you and I... ♪" "DJ:" "And now the groomsmen have a surprise for the special couple." " There's a lot of events." " (Sighs)" "(Rhythmic percussion playing)" "What is this?" "Oh, my God." "(Instrumental dance song with middle eastern flavor plays)" "How funny is this?" "It's really funny." "(Laughs)" "Sorry." "Tell Janice I'm sorry." "Hey, multiple Aladdins!" "You're not really hovering!" "I can see your wheels!" "(Clicking)" "Hoverboard dancing is not dancing." " Their feet are frozen." " Mm-hmm." "You take the board away, mainly what they're doing is leaning." "It's synch... it's synchronized leaning, basically." "Yeah, well, you couldn't do it." "Yeah, well, I couldn't shake your hand with my foot, or... but you don't want that." "You're not really making a lot of sense." " Amn't I?" " No." "You am not." "What is going on with you, dude?" "What does that mean?" "Well, your date is over there by herself, and you're here by yourself getting, like, plowed." "Okay. (Doorbell rings)" "(Sighs)" "Put on some kind of dress." " What?" "!" " We're going to a wedding." "Have you lost your mind?" "Rebecca is sad." "She needs you." "We're not friends anymore, okay?" "And it's her fault." "All right." "I did everything for her." "I gave her the best advice, and she chose to ignore it." "So, I mean, I was the great friend." "Oh, my God, are you serious?" "You think that's what a friend is?" "Someone who tells you what to do?" "That is not friendship." "I'd never do that to you." "And, Paula, you and I are best friends!" " (Laughs)" " What?" "Oh, yeah." "No." "Yes, we are." "Yes, we are." "Now go get your dress on and let's boogie." "(Sighs)" "(Crowd chatter)" "(Sighing)" "You're not having the best time, are you?" "I don't know what's wrong with me." "You're at a crossroads." "I see that." "And I think I can help." "You can?" "This belonged to your grandma." "It would be perfect on Valencia." "Whenever you're ready." "Wow!" "Tita Myrna," "I..." "I don't know what to say." "It's nice of you to..." "Wait." "Did Valencia put you up to this?" "I am so sorry." " I am so sorry." " No, I am so sorry." " This is all my fault." " It's all my fault." "No, I wanted to tell you about Greg so many times." "I should have been a better friend." " I was racked with guilt." " I should have just listened to you." " Every time I saw you, I wanted to tell you everything." " And I felt so bad." "Every time I saw your name, I wanted to pick up the phone." " I've been having so much sex." " You look like a princess." " Oh, my God, you look like a princess." " You look beautiful." "You look like a sea princess and you're, like," " wearing a necklace with crabs." " I feel so bad." "And I wish I'd been with you to buy that crab necklace." " I should have been better." " You're my daughter, and I should have been a better mother." "Oh, my God, I feel like you're my Mom." "So I just thought this was gonna be mine and Greg's romantic evening, and, oh, I'm sorry." "I know you don't want to hear about this." "Hey, I'm not telling you what to do anymore." "I am done with that." "But if you really like Greg, you should tell him right away." "I mean, don't waste a single second." "I'm sorry, that was advice-y." "No, it's okay, I liked it." "Thank you." "I love you, Paula." "I love you, too." "Okay, you called my aunt and asked her to bring a family heirloom to my sister's wedding without asking me?" "Well, I knew she had it and would love to give it to us and I wanted to get it before your cousin Ruby." "Oh, my God, Valencia!" "You didn't have any faith in me." "Y-you couldn't trust me with this one thing." "I just asked for a little time, that's all." "A little time, I see." "Because 15 years isn't enough time." "I was looking." "For rings." "And did you buy one?" "You know what, I have been patient." "I have been patient through college and through New York and through all of our friends getting engaged and married and I was patient when you cheated on me with Rebecca." "The reason I asked for that ring is because, deep down," "I didn't believe you were gonna do it." "Were you going to?" "You have a ring." "In your hand." "You said that you were ready for the next step, so let's do it." "Let's take that ring and get up on the bandstand and steal some wedding thunder and get engaged right now." "(Scoffs)" "You're not listening to me." "You never listen to me." "You..." "You pretend to, but..." "You never do." "You know, for the last few months" "I thought Rebecca Bunch was our problem." "But it's not." "It's you." "I'm done, Josh." "We're over." "For good." "Hey." "Hey, I want to talk to you." "So..." "Tonight's gotten..." "Pretty off track." "Like, this isn't us." "This isn't how we are." "And... and I think it's my fault." "Yeah, because I had an artificial view of how I wanted this night to go." "No, it's my fault." "It's my fault." "It's my fault." "I should not have worn sneakers tonight." "Justin Timberlake wore sneakers with a suit and I thought I was cool, but I'm no JTimbo." "You're hilariously wasted." "I know what you want to say to me." "You want to break up with me." "Break up with you?" "Oh, my..." "No." "Greg, okay." "Listen..." "This, like, this emotion stuff can be scary." "My parents split up when I was little, your Mom left, we don't have the greatest role models here." "But... there's been something" "I've been wanting to tell you all night." "And... even though it scares me to death," "I'm gonna be brave." "So, uh, even though we've only been seeing each other for a short time..." "I, um..." "I care about you." "Like, a lot." "So, tell me..." "Tell me how you feel." "If you have any feelings." "And..." "I don't care how you tell me, Greg, okay?" "I don't care if you fart while you're saying it, just please tell me." "Can you say something?" "Okay." "I... think  you're cool." "You..." "Sorry, after, like, everything we've been through, you just, you just think I'm cool?" "Yeah." "I think..." "We have fun together, yeah." "But let's not..." "Like, plan out our future." "Let's just focus on, um..." "On tonight and have fun, okay?" "Wait, what?" "Uh, but right now I, um..." "I need to..." "I need to take a..." "I need to take a nap." "Greg?" "Greg?" "Hey." "Hey, Greg?" "Ah, yes, the classic Serrano pass-out." "I'll get him an Uber." "Um, yeah, and I'll go with you." "No, you will not." "You stay here." "You don't want to see what's on the other side of this." "War movie." "I'm sorry he blew it." "I know that he cares, but..." "It's Greg, it's just who he is." "Hey, everybody, time to get inside." "Aunt Myrna's going to sing." "(Applause)" "DJ:" "Ladies and gentlemen, Aunt Myrna." "Oh, my gosh." "Oh, hello, everyone." "I would like to dedicate this song to Jayma and Phillip." "You may already know this one." "I sang this on Star Search in 1984 and I got 3 3/4 stars." "She's just the worst." "♪ In one indescribable ♪" "♪ instant ♪" "♪ the whole world ♪" "♪ falls away ♪" "♪ in one ♪" "♪ indescribable instant ♪" "♪ you'll know just ♪" "♪ what to say ♪" "♪ in one ♪" "♪ indescribable instant ♪" "♪ your heart ♪" "♪ will speak the truth ♪" "♪ 'cause in that ♪" "♪ one indescribable ♪" "♪ magical, mystical ♪" "♪ endless, incredible ♪" "♪ instant ♪" "♪ the only words ♪" "♪ you'll need are ♪" "♪ "I love you" ♪" "♪ ♪" "_" "Come with me." "It's over." "What?" "Rebecca, Valencia and I are done." "Becks, I have tried not to think about you." "I have." "You have no idea how hard I've tried." "Just, no matter what I do..." "I feel you with me." "(Gasps)" "Oh, my God, it's my letter from camp." "You keep this with you, like, all the time?" "Look, I know you're with Greg, but..." "Stop." "♪ In one indescribable ♪" "♪ instant ♪" "♪ there is no time ♪" "♪ or space ♪" "♪ in one indescribable ♪" "♪ instant ♪" "♪ it all falls into place ♪" "♪ in one indescribable ♪" "♪ instant ♪" "♪ your dreams ♪" "♪ will all come true ♪" "♪ 'cause in that ♪" "♪ one indescribable ♪" "♪ magical, mystical ♪" "♪ endless, incredible ♪" "♪ barely believable ♪" "♪ truly unlikely ♪" "♪ but not inconceivable ♪" "♪ what, are you kidding me ♪" "♪ no, it's for realable ♪" "♪ instant ♪" "♪ the only words ♪" "♪ you'll need are ♪" "♪ "I love ♪" "♪ you... " ♪" "(Song ends)" "I love you, Rebecca." "I should have said "I love you."" "(Retches, coughs)" "Hey, Josh?" "(Short chuckle) Yeah, Becks?" "Can I tell you something?" "Yeah." "I moved here for you." "What?" "The second I saw you on the street in New York, I knew." "I j..." "I just knew you were the answer to all my problems." "And I lost sight of it for a minute, but now I know for sure." "Mmm." "This is our moment, Josh Chan." "I'm so excited that our love story can finally begin."