"Man:" "No." "Hear any good stories lately?" "Let me see if I know any." "Oh, I got a good one." "And this one really happened." "I swear." "It's another example of the universe saying," ""Just when you thought you were safe." "just when you thought you had it all under control— wrong place, wrong time."" "No." "No." "No!" "Just give me a second to figure out the ending." "URBANIA" "Don't you start with me." "Shit." "No, I won't sink to that level." "Pussies hold, you got 60 seconds." "Woman:" "Yum." "My favorite— mystery meat." "Yeah, isn't it a little—?" "Yes, it is." "Hold on." "Atta boy." "Of course, I have something in position." "You're done." "You a broker?" "Commodities." "Got any inside skinny?" "You wanna talk business?" "Talk down to me." "Okay." "What have you learned so far?" "That I can't control the market." "(knock on door)" "Just listen to your body;" "it's a disciplined investor." "About your kidney— taxable fund." "One gets over taxed you got another one to start all over again." "And then there's my favorite— the emerging markets." "Only risk what you're willing to lose." "Like my daddy said," ""You get some battle scars, they make great wars tories."" "(screaming)" "Woman:" "They took his kidney, left him cold, wet and bleeding." "Man:" "Uh-huh." "What?" "It's true." "I love this city." "Someone's always got it worse than you." "It's true." "Man:" "Did you hear any good stories lately?" "Woman:" "You hear so many horror stories about what's going on out there." "What is your story?" "Hey." "Fuck you." "Hey, that's what I eat." "Woman:" "You know, I heard this story about this friend of a friend of mine—" "Man:" "I know this one." "Remember the 50s?" "People were fucked back then doing it and just as high." "Up the ass, in the mouth—" "You want some gum?" "Why?" "Take it." "We got to get the kids to the country where they'll be safe." "I have to go up." "Why?" " This happened." " Uh-huh." "What if I finally found that thing I can't get through?" "Wouldn't that suck?" "I'm sorry, this is your story." "Go ahead." "Alright, I got a good one, and this one really happened." "Woman:" "So the vender reaches in for a hotdog and pulls out a boiled rat." "Uh-huh." "So I guess he lost his pet chihuahua or something and found him in the cooker." "This shit happens all the time." "What?" "That's my way of keeping shit from happening to me." "Some bull shit story." "Shut up." "It's true." "Something happen to you?" "Don't worry, I got everything under control." " This happened." " Uh-huh." "It's true." "You hear so many horror stories about what's goin' on out there." "What, it's just a story, right?" "Don't play games with me." "You think you got it all figured out." "You don't know shit about me." "What did you do?" "It's weird." "I'm working graveyard now." "I can't sleep." "So I'm always going out when everyone's coming in." "And today I felt like" "I was going back in time to you." "Please pickup." "I'm calling like always before to say that" "I'm on my way home." "I really thought you might be there." "Watch out, they're putting infected needles in there." "One prick and—" "Oh." "Not exactly the change I was looking for." "Hey, I got eight inches and it's all for you." " Hey." " Okay, if I get to keep it when we're done." "Much better than, "Hey."" "Gotta learn to protect yourself." "Amen." "Where are you headed?" "Oh." "Your life can change in a second." "I know that." "You're never given anything you can't handle." "Bullshit." "It's nice to meet you." "Man:" "I don't go out to go in." "That drag queen is dragging me down!" "Terry, baby, it's Sam." "Terry!" "Terry?" " Oh." "Hey." " Sorry." "Listen, man, I have never done this before." "I'm just trying to get home." "I stopped in some fucking place over there to get a brewsky— No, really." "You know, and I got to take a leak." "I go in there and I assume the position." "I got my hands full, right?" "And some motherfucker comes in before I even notice." "This motherfucker is making off with my wallet!" "Get in the fucking car." "I'm pissing on the wall and my shoes and—" "Motherfucker." "Yeah, man, that's what happened." "So, yeah, I'll tell you what." "Why don't— Here." "Why don't you write your name and address on this little piece of paper and I'll mail you the ten bucks back?" "You got a pen?" "(police sirens)" "Hello." "Is it you?" "(phone hangs up)" "(phone rings)" "TV:" "Hello?" "It's me." "I've called the police." "They don't care." "My boyfriend's on his way over." "He's never getting there." "What do you want from me?" "I want you to know you're mine." "Neighbor:" "No." "No!" "It hurts!" "It hurts." "Leave me alone!" "TV:" "Belle, Sgt. Prowell, 60th Precinct." "We've traced the calls." "They're coming from inside the house." "Get out!" "Police, hold it right there." "Freeze." "Man:" "God damn it." "Can you help me out?" "I need—" "I want to rep—" "No, I'm—" "You know what?" "I'm gonna do this myself." "It hurts." "You standing guard?" "Got a date?" "If I get lucky." "If you get lucky, good night for it." "Daylight savings time ends tonight." "You get one hour twice." "Yeah." "I don't do good in winter on account I'm so cold-blooded, just like my mother." "My mother, if she saw me like this she would just die." "Luckily she's dead." "Stay warm." "Yeah." "My mother—" "Ain't you ever hear the one about the lady a long time ago who had this baby and she was parked in this lot?" "And she was doing her best, she had her arms full with the baby and the bags." "She put the baby on the car roof, and she put the bags in the back, and got in." "and she left the baby on the roof and forgot about it." "You hear that one?" "No." "Well, that was my mother." "Maybe that's why I'm a little— you know—in the head." "Oh, I don't know." "It's a good story though." "Have you eaten?" "Oh, God, yeah." "I ate a whole bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies and some Kellog's lightly frosted bran flakes, just an hour ago." "I'm still stuffed." "Here you go." "Take it anyway." "I gotta go." "Buy a bottle of something." "Hey, I'm on the wagon." "Fuck." "Don't forget to set your clock back!" "Uh, watch it, dick!" "How are you doing this evening?" "Something I can get you?" "I'm forgetting about you at least twice a day." "Hey, come on!" "Why would I hate you?" "I hardly know you!" "Here you go." "Looking for someone?" "I'm going to wait." "Please." "In the mean time, can I get you something?" "I don't drink anymore." "Seltzer?" "Bottle of spring water?" "Anything?" " No, thanks." " Juice?" "What's your name?" "My name?" "Matt." "Matt, nothing, thanks." "Yum, thanks." " Hey, Molly." " Matt." "Here." "For taking up space." "You're waiting?" "Yeah." "For this—um— this guy." "Something happened and—" "(glass shatters)" "You don't wanna hear this." "It's alright." "No, this isn't that kind of bar and from the looks of things you're not that kind of bartender." "That kind?" "Oh." "Probably not." "Probably?" "Uh, not." "Listen, I hold no objections to human needs." "Oh yeah?" "We've all been there— the heart racing, pulse beating— penis throbbing—" "Oh." "Hey, look, you know, I don't know you, you don't know me." "You don't know what my story is." "Too true." "What is your story?" "No." "Distract me, Matt." "Take me out of my own head for two minutes." "Her name was Clara." "Early 40s, beautiful." "Lover of jazz and Bourbon Sours." "Woman:" "These are what Catherine Deneuve drinks." "Bourbon Sours." "Read that in an interview." "I was beautiful once." "What are you talking about?" "You're still a beautiful woman." "If ol' Catherine were married to the thing that I'm married to, and had given birth to these American monsters, she wouldn't look too good either." "She goes on like this." "Those miserable kids— they cruise the web for porno sites." "And now these American kids can't be a second without entertainment." "Always." "They have their remote mentality in their head, you know?" "Always looking for something better." "Like their father, always looking for something new." "And if you're not attending to them, they click you off." "My husband is fucking around on me," "I'm a redundancy with no cash value." "Don't say that." "Shut up, it's true." "And then she stares at me, and I mean, stares." "I get an immediate bone, I must admit." "And then she puts a crisp 50 down on the bar." "For you." "Why?" "I haven't done anything to deserve that." "Not yet." "What's your name?" "My name, um, Matt." "Matt." "Show me." " Matt." " I'm sorry, show you?" "Join me a minute in the bathroom and show me what you have." "No." "I'm sorry, no." "Clearly a woman for whom "no" was for the right price—" ""Yes."" "No woman ever wanted to just use me." "I appreciated that." "So?" "Well, it was getting to be a ridiculous amount of money for one simple flash." "That's all she wanted after all." "I went home and pulled the pud goodnight." "Jesus." "Anyway, about three months later I get a certified letter." "I never got one of those before." "Saying Clara and that husband of hers had gone on a vacation." "She got one of those airline insurance policies and named me as the beneficiary." "Their plane blew up." "That stool you're sitting on, is mine." "So believe me, I hold no objection to human needs." "Wow." "Wow, now I want to see." "Bye, Matt." "Hey, thanks, guys." "Goodnight." "Human needs, man." "Yeah, look—" "No objections, right?" "It's for your help." "Dick." "This guy, he's— someone you might remember seeing in here." "What does he look like?" "Well, he was born with all the right stuff." "Good looking, huh?" "Yeah, but he's fast approaching the flipside of sexy." "He doesn't take care of himself." "He's reckless, for now, though." "Gotcha." "He's got a tattoo." "A big one." " A snake—" " Wrapped around a heart?" "Squeezing." "That's the guy?" "Don't worry, I know about the girl." "Is he hanging with any guys lately?" "No." "Any particular days?" "Times?" "No." "Late." "Okay." "I'll see you later then, alright?" "You sure he's what you're looking for?" "Yeah." "Don't worry, I got everything under control." "Hey, what do you want to do?" "Do you want to do what, honeybun?" "Come on, little girl." "Hey, it's Charlie—" "Oh my God!" "I was in the neighbor—" "Please, oh my God, she'll catch her death!" "It rained on her." "My my my, look what the cat— yadda-yadda-yadda." " I thought I'd say—" " Hey." "Oh, you're wet." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Come in from the rain." "At last." "Hey!" "Great." "Yeah." "" He wanted big beehive hair "" "" Big beehive hair "" "Hey, hey, darling!" "Let's get you out of these things." "Don't worry about me." "Oh, but I do." "I lie awake at night thinking," ""What's become of him?" "Is he wet?"" "What?" "Brett, are you expecting company?" "Oh, God!" "Yuck!" "Hey, Charlie, you just thumbed out a family member." "It's yours." "You preserving it?" "Eat me." "Please." "Elderly woman:" "No, we don't want— Oh, dear." "Oh my, Vivian." "Poor little Vivian." "We got to get you dry." "We don't want the little girl to catch pneumonia." "We've got to get you dry." "Oh dear—!" "Oh, no." "Oh, no." "I just heard a sneeze." "Oh my baby had a sneeze." "You'll catch your death." "Oh, we're going to make you dry." "Did this warm you up?" " Sure." " Look." "Oh, God." "So, what have you been up to?" "What have you been up to?" "Oh, I missed you, Charlie." " I'm sorry." " Don't be." "I am." "That's just the old girl next door's microwave." "(dog yowling)" " Vivian!" " She's nuts." "So—" "So." "Are we all talked out?" "I'll tell you what I've been doing." "I have been having an intimate relationship with my VCR." "Renting all this groovy, early 70's British stuff." "And for some reason" "Glenda Jackson is in every single one of them." "You know who she is?" "Of course you don't." "You're movie illiterate." "Yes, I know who Glenda fucking Jackson is." "Charlie's getting a boner." "Anyway, last night was "Sunday Bloody Sunday."" "Did you ever see it?" "Glenda and Peter Finch are both in love with Murray Head." "And they both make do while he flits back and forth." "It is, after all, the 70s." "And Murray, being the butt-plug that he is, doesn't see the problem, until one day Glenda says," ""I've had this business, "Anything is better than nothing."" "There are some times when nothing has to be better than anything."" "How are you doing?" "He said, "Biting the bullet."" "How Stella Dallas of you." "Do you know who Stella Dallas is?" "Fuck you." "You don't, do you?" "You're so butch." "Brett, not all of us are into drawing tea roses and collecting Depression glass." "That I left to you and Chris." "Oh, the portion of our program where we discuss him." "Oh, that look." "Look." "Cold." "Up." "Alright." "Now you're protected." "Listen," "I'm here for you." "Of course you are, you're not here for you." "This is strictly a penance visit." "Who'd you kill, Charlie?" "Well, I am scoring high tonight." "Still in mourning, huh?" "Still seeing— what's her name, Renee?" "I'm not going to a therapist who survived Auschwitz." "Okay?" "I felt so guilty talking about my problems." "Forget me, what you've been through—" "Besides, I think I found him." "Who?" "The guy who's going to make everything right." "So you see, I am recovering." "Great, where'd you meet him?" "If I tell you that, you'll think I'm this cheap thing." "No, I won't, I swear." "In the street." "You whore!" "Right out in the open like that." " What's his name?" " I didn't ask." "Oh my God." "Yeah, we had this one fateful encounter." "You're the worst." "Yeah, I wish." "Last week I saw him coming out of this bar." "And?" " I didn't have the guts." " Poor Charlie." "No, not anymore." "Not this time." "I just went back." "And?" "He wasn't in..." "yet." "So, I— came here... in the interim." "No, I wanted to see you." "Thanks." "Thanks." "So—" "I think down deep you would be glad if you saw him." "Good luck, honey." "I only wish the best for you." "Okay, what's wrong?" "I hate this." "I know you do." "No." "You see, I'm blind in my right eye now." "So boring." "You know what really makes me pissy?" "Grunge, heroin chic, and dying are over." "I so hate being behind the curve." "Tourism's up." "Are you okay?" "Why don't you," "I don't know, write a column for the magazine?" ""The View from My Window,"" ""Vintage Videos," I don't know." " I'll let you go now." " No, no." "I'll stay for a little while." "Let's watch "Women In Love."" "No." "I'm going to lie here and tell myself stories about you and the cold night, looking for your man." "Don't worry." "In my version you'll always come out on top." "Hearing your voice on the message doesn't cut it anymore." "I need you to talk to me." "I finally figured out what I need to do." "Please pickup." "Look, I'm going to be a second, okay?" "You have to be able to talk to me." "Just— What?" "!" "I gotta call you back." "Yeah, somebody here needs an ambulance." "I'm sorry." "Oh God." "That's $5." "Hey, Charlie." "Matt." "No sign yet." "Thanks." "Be patient, my friend." "That's my middle name." "God rewards the patient." "I thought he rewarded the meek, or something." "Both." "That's good." "It will be my night after all then." "See ya." "No, I've got my heart set." "Are you kidding me?" "Did you see that guy?" "I don't know if I could kick him out of my ass." "Oh, he's not." "Go, get out of here." "If your guy comes, he'll stay awhile." "The blindfold, for, you know, before you get on the plane." "I start to think he's trying to sell me into white slavery, but no, St. Bart's!" "I'm think Barry has gotten well." "First day on the beach, fabulous." "Aw, see?" "But then, you know, we go back to the room, and the room when we had been out, had been completely ransacked." "Somebody, you know, like, the help—the natives— oh, I'm sorry— but somebody had gone through and stolen everything." "My clothes, everything." "But the camera, thank God." "And, you know, all the bathroom junk like the contact lens stuff, the toothbrush—is still there." "Okay, so Gary asks me, "What do we do?"" "Well, I will not be moved." "I will not start the rest of my life with this violation." "Shit happens, the saying goes." "So," "Barry and I just took the best damn pictures we could." "Look at this one." "I'll be getting lots of multiples of these." "Night." " How much is that?" " $40." " Thank you." " Oh my God!" "Oh my God." "Oh my God." " Here you go." " Leave it!" "Oh my God." "Oh my God." "Wow." "I guess shit really does happen." "I'm—" "Third time's a charm." "Second floor." "(door buzzes)" "Hello?" "Television:" "But now everything's changed." " I don't know you anymore." " Hello?" "The accident's turned you into something else, someone I don't know." "These arms were made to hold you." "No, stop." "Tomorrow." "It's from my reel." "I want to make sure it taped okay." "Soaps suck." "My agent's trying to get me of fit." "You don't give a shit." "That's cool." "What can I do to impress you?" "I'm fine." "You like acting?" "Oh, yeah." "You get to be other people— if you're good." "You get to scream and shout, let the demons out." "You get noticed, which makes having demons almost worth while." "I love that I go over, you go under." "Didn't we just do that?" "Move." "You're on my side." "Let's find out how the other half sleeps." "Scared of waking up on the wrong side of the bed?" "You think you're so brave." "No, I don't." "I just hoped that if I sleep in your space you'll be in my dreams." "Want one?" " Thanks, no." " It'll make you happy." "I don't look happy?" "You seem, uh— you seem a little tense," "mystery man." "How'd you get that?" "Bar brawl." "I love scars on a guy." "They make them look dangerous." "That's why I picked you up tonight." "So you think I'm dangerous?" "I might as well take my chances and find out." "Something about those eyes... and that." "So you like dangerous guys?" "I don't know." "It livens things up." "I get bored easily." "For awhile, I went to sex clubs." "I didn't let anyone touch me," "I'm not some sort of freak, but uh—" "I went to just walk around, watch people do shit, get noticed, get asked to do things." "You wouldn't believe the kind of shit people are into." "I mean, the things that they wanted me to do to them, but that got boring, too." "Yeah, I'm not really into the whole queer scene." "I don't even know any guys who are, like, totally gay." "Excuse me?" "Well, my friends." "My guy friends are straight." "I consider myself bisexual." "There was this gal at school." "She was short, she was pretty." "She was a hell of an actress and we were engaged for awhile." "I really like girls, but—" "Well?" "You can't help yourself, right?" "Your libidinous nature just demands that you fuck everything." "Yeah." "Hey, listen, uh—" " Charlie." " Charlie—" "Charlie, if I didn't like you in my place." "Oh, in your place." "I'm breathing the very same air." "What more could a girl wish?" "I guess whatever happens after this will be gravy, right?" "Come on, let's fuck." "It's cold." "Okay, okay." "Look, I don't get fucked, okay?" "It's just—" "I don't allow it." "Really?" "Shit, because that's all I do." "I fuck." "What's so funny?" "You're a weird guy, Charlie." "Why do you say that?" "Ron." "Ron." "I'm serious, Ron." "That's why you brought me here, isn't it?" "Alright!" "Okay, okay." "Alright." "Maybe this was a mistake, okay?" "This isn't going to workout." "So—" " Yeah, what?" " Maybe you should just leave." "Maybe you should just make me, okay?" " What?" " You're the man, right?" "You like danger." " Just go." " I'm dismissed." " I didn't pass muster." " This is my place." "You can say that all night." "Look, I mean it." "Get out of here." "You get the fuck out of here." "I mean it." "Let's go." "So do I." "What the fuck are you gonna do?" "You bring a guy here, up to your place, with presumably every intention on your part and his, to fuck, somebody you don't even know, and here he is." "Maybe he takes offense at some thing you said." "Maybe he takes offense at any number of things." "And sure, you can claim territorial imperative." "It is your place." "Maybe he just doesn't give a shit." "What the fuck are you going to do?" "You going to come over here and call the cops?" "See if you get that far." "You want me to fuck you?" "Huh, cunt?" "You want me to?" "I'll give you a scar you really don't want, asshole." "Faggot!" "Chuck." "I did not." "Fuck!" "Woman:" "No, I made a couple of hints—" "Honey, I think we've got company." "I hope I'm not interrupting." " Chuck, right?" " Yeah?" "How are you doing?" "Not bad." "That's good." "You don't remember me, do you?" "Yeah, no— I'm trying to place the—" "Chuck's real bad with names and faces and everything." " That's too bad." " But he's so cute and charming, so we gotta forgive him." "Woman:" "Chuck, table for two." "Oh, I'll walk you." " I'm Deedee." " I'm Charlie." " Nice to meet you, Charlie." " Nice to meet you, Deedee." "Oh no, no no, I got it." "You played baseball against us in the park, right?" "Grey, right?" "Right?" "Honey, Grey Advertising." "At the park?" "Baseball Saturday, isn't it the best?" "You and me and Don and Bob and all us guys." "scratching our nuts inside our jocks, swinging our hunks of wood, reaching into the Igloo cooler and downing some Coors, getting buzzed." "Oh, and then some babes walk by and we say things to get their attention." "God, it's great!" "No." "No, I'll tell you how we me teach other." "We met on the stairs." "You just came back from that bicycle race." "Oh, okay." "And you were wearing those shorts, you know— skintight, Nike, with a pink slash running up the side?" "Deedee, you ever see Chuck in those shorts?" "Oh dear." "You live in the apartment above mine." "Yeah, right, I thought you looked familiar." "Let me buy you both some drinks." " No, that's alright." " Sure!" "Don't we have to go to the show?" "Oh, no, we got time, honey." "Great." "Another round, please." " Same thing?" " Sure." "And some calamari." "Oh God, you guys look so great together." "Well, we deserve each other." "I mean, good things happen to people that deserve them." "I am sure it's just a matter of time for you, Charlie," " you know what I mean?" " No, what do you mean?" "You know what I mean, the right girl." "You're going to find her." "It just might mean having to work a little bit to find her." "There is this book I've been reading." " Please." " It's about— What?" "No, I wanna hear it." "He wants to hear it." "So in this book this guy, he says, quote," ""There are two ways to approach life:" "as victim, or as gallant fighter." "You must decide if you're gonna act or react." "Deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck." "Because if you don't decide which way to play, life always plays with you."" "I mean, it's simple, but it's—" "Dopey, honey." "It's a little dopey." " Dopey?" " No, I think it's— well, yeah, it sounds dopey, stupid, whatever." "But look, deep down there is truth." "Yeah!" "Like I had to work to get you." "We were set up at this party a couple of weeks ago, and we really didn't hit it off at first." "I thought he was just adorable, but a little too, "Hey."" "I thought she talked too much." "But the point is I wanted him, and I pushed until I got him." "And here we are." "Honey—" "You are so shy!" "I just love him." "We are very fortunate." "You hear so many horror stories about what's going on out there." "I heard this story about this friend of a friend of mine." "He met this girl once in a bar kind of like this one, like a hang out—" " I know this one." " No." "Yeah, she steals his kidney, right?" "No, geeze." "Okay, so—" "" Happy anniversary "" "So anyway, they're talking and drinking and things were getting kind of serious." "And they're drinking more and more and things were getting more and more serious until they decide to go off somewhere." "So, they go back to his place and they do it." "Except he isn't wearing anything on his—" "I mean, I guess because it's, he figures she really pretty and she knows all the same people he knows, they're in the same tax bracket, I don't know." "Anyway, he doesn't wear anything on his dick." "So they spend the night together." "And the next day he wakes up to find she is gone." "He doesn't know who she is, where she lives, where she works." "The only thing that she's left behind" "Is this message on the mirror," ""Welcome to the world of..." "AIDS ...in lipstick."" "Pretty creepy, huh?" "Not a pleasant story, not at all." "What is so funny you guys?" "It's sick!" "Honey, no—" "What do you think is so funny?" "Oh, it's the worst." "Damn straight." "Alright, some flyboy fucks a chimpanzee in Zimbabwe and we're supposed to wear super elastic bubble plastic for the rest of our lives." "Honey." " This really happened, Dee?" " Yeah, that's the best part." "I mean, it's terrible, but—" " They're friends of friends?" " Yeah, why?" "Because I heard the same story like five years ago in Seattle." "It happened to the girl, not the guy." "Why are you being so negative?" "Because it's not your story?" "This isn't about me." "We were supposed to be out celebrating tonight." "You know, a different attitude, a new leaf." "I just want you to think." "I think." "I think you better shut up." "I'm sorry." "So, Chuck, you don't think shit like that happens?" "Well, yeah, but sure not to anybody I know." "Why not?" "Because—come on." "Right." "Right." "Shit like that happens but not to people like you." "No." "Come on, that's people who want to be people like you." "Life doesn't just play with you, right?" "People don't just use you." "They don't just take advantage—" "A guy like you?" "Damn straight." "But you know what?" "I have to confess." "I know a story, and this one really happened." "See, this person, he suffered a tragedy recently." "His boyfriend— well, he was no more, so to speak." "And this person was feeling mighty depressed about it, so he was just lying in bed, sleepless as usual." "When all of a sudden he could hear this couple through the ceiling just going at it." "You know, cursing and yelping and moaning." "And he just kept listening." "Eventually, he stopped thinking about his own misery and just concentrated on the sound of them fucking." "So his hand reached down, and he just thinks about the guy upstairs, the guy in his bicycle shorts." "And the next thing he knows, all three of them are finding God simultaneously." " What the fuck?" " Ever since then, he's been looking for the chance to say thank you." "Thank you for a memorable evening, even if you were only there in spirit." " Chuck." " What?" "What's the matter?" " I fucking knew it!" " It's just a story, right?" "Let's get out of here!" "No, hey, Chuck, this is on me." "Hey, where do you get off?" "Well..." "I ought to knock you on your ass." " Okay, go ahead." " He's not worth it." " What is your problem?" " My problem?" "For one, I'm sick and tired of you people flaunting your lifestyle choices in my face all the time." "Oh, so we owe you, right?" "You think you got it all figured out." "You don't know shit about me." "Fuck this." "Come on, get your ass—" "Oh, sure, be mad at me now." "Here you go." "Honey, we were having such a good time." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to ruin your—" "Well, actually, I did." "We're getting out of here." "Talk to fucking anybody." "That's it, have some more wine, Dee." " Hey." " What the fuck?" "Fuck you up!" " Hey, man—" " Not now." "Not now." "Woman:" "Thanks, just the way I like it." "Can I have a beer?" "How are you doing this evening?" " Something I can get you?" " Yeah." "Hey, man, buddy, you seem like such a nice guy." "I don't want to bother you, but I'm over there at that bar taking a leak and some guy comes in and—" "I'm sorry, this is terrible." "Let me buy you a drink." "Bartender, let me buy my friend a drink." "You're not gonna believe what happened to—" " Gary." " Gary." "Tell him what happened." "I'm over there taking a leak." "Before I know it some guy comes in, rams his hand in my pocket—" "He's pissing on the floor, he's pissing on the walls—" "I'm sorry, this is your story, go ahead." "The motherfucker makes off with my wallet!" "That's it." "That's not it." "Come on, Gary." "That would be bad enough, but the thing is, the same exact thing happened to Gary last week!" "Right?" "You stopped me on the street." "You were killing time—" "Hey, hey!" "Fuck you." "Oh, okay, fuck me." "Fuck you and fuck you, too, tough guy!" "Fuck you." "Who the fuck does she think she is?" "You fuck with me, I'm gonna fuck with you." "That's it." "I don't care if it's her fucking mother." " Then she wants to go—" " Wait." "This is before or after you set the kitchen on fire?" "It was—" "I don't actually remember, but that's not the point." "The point is, is that I'm not some little 12-year-old baby arsonist here." "I'm setting the fire to prove a point." " Sure." " The point is, fuck her!" "Am I some little nigger checkout boy bagging her fucking groceries?" "No, I am banging the hell out of her princess daughter." "I'm practically blood." "Then she calls the cops." "Like they're going to give a shit." "I was telling these cop about her little dolls." "And these cops are just looking at each other like, "What the fuck are we doing here?" "Let's get the fuck out of here."" " Dolls?" " Yeah, she ordered these dolls from these ads, or some shit." "And she won't let me touch them." "You know?" "Do I got dirty hands, or something?" "Right." "Then meanwhile, in this whole fucking house there's not a place for me to sit, because these dolls are taking up space like they're guests." "They're fucking relatives." "What am I?" "What the hell am I?" "You're the guy whose banging her princess daughter." "Fucking "A" right!" "Which I would think would entitle me to a place to sit, other than the fucking toilet upstairs." "So I just lit a cigarette, like I'm doing right now," "and I just went like that." "Right on her fucking kitchen curtains." "Could we get another round?" "Sure." "How bad was the fire?" "As fires go." "I got the drapes, I got the windowsill," "I scorched a little bit of linoleum." "But you got her respect, right?" "Fuck her, man." "I got her attention." "It's a lot better than her respect." "That's good for you." "Alright, I gotta grab a table for my friends, who are late." "It was good talking to you." " I'm Charlie." " Dean." "Alright, Dean." "Your friend's late?" "Yeah, I don't know." "How about you?" "Waiting?" "Waiting for nothing." "Fucking friends." "Yeah, what?" "Nothing, they just, you know, desert you." "Tell me about it." "You know, they get married." "Pretty soon, they're cruising the mall with their wives." " Cigarette?" " Yeah, thank you." "My buddy, last week, he was the last one to go." "And was I even asked to be the best-fucking-man?" "I'll tell you one thing, I'm never getting married." "I mean, I like booty and all, but the fucking grief you got to go through to get it, man?" "Fuck that." "Stop, you're hurting me." "Jerk!" "I like my freedom." "Right, yeah." "Freedom." "My problem is, I have a very restless nature." "I don't even know what I want in this life anymore." "Yeah." "Sure." "I think to myself, I look around, you know?" "I think, "No, uh-uh, bullshit, that you, them— any-fucking-body— should have what they have and then me be where I am."" "What I deserve, that's one." "This place is a fucking morgue, huh?" "You wanna do a bone?" "Sure." "Hey." "Next on our channel, we got "At Home with Homos."" "Yeah, well—" "I guess it's not 2½ kids and a dog, right?" "They don't have dogs, man." "They're too big." "You ever hear what they do with their pets?" "No, I hadn't heard that one." "Now, I'm betting baldy is the bitch and the goateed man is the buck." "What do you think?" "Alright, I'll take that bet, Dean." "You got a bitch at home?" "Yeah, shit, Charlie's pussy whipped." "You do the knives, she does the spoons, right?" "No, I was spoons." "Have you no shame?" "Not since I met you." "I saw you on the bus today." "Not me." "Everywhere I go in the city, there you are." "I see you, I talk to you." "What do I say?" "There's a whole lot of "yes."" "What?" "What would the city look like if you weren't here?" "I'm here." "I'm yours." "And you will always be mine, right?" "See, I can talk romantic, too." "Don't they know people are watching?" "Yeah, exactly." "Come on, let's go to the corner and get a bottle of something." "Fucking freaks." "Man, that's how sick these fuckers are, man." "They'd do anything." "Hey, here you go." "Thanks." "What are you smiling at?" "He's smiling at you." "I guess he likes the look." "Yeah, they like what they see." "Yeah, I got the look these fuckers like." "Let's go over there." " What?" " Let's go over there." " Why?" " I want to get closer." " Why?" " We'll have some fun." "Come on." "I feel like I'm on safari watching the fucking wildlife." "Why do you think it was that the Almighty Christ put these fags on earth?" "Like, I don't know, like a giraffe?" "What's the fucking point of a giraffe?" "Was it strictly for our amusement?" "I guess now He figures, "Nah, fuck this." "The joke's over." "Just get rid of these fuckers once and for all."" "Right?" "What do you think?" "I don't know, you tell me." "Shit." "I'm sure I don't know." "It's like my cousin." "I got this cousin, he's retarded." "That's not his fault." "He's helpless." "See that there?" "He goes through life not knowing, but they fucking see." "They ride the train like everybody else." "They see men and they see women together." "They have to see." "They see the mothers, fathers, sisters, husbands." "It's the way the whole world is supposed to be." "Maybe it's not a choice." "Bullshit." "Bullshit, man." "Are you telling me that it's not a choice to have a fucking dick down your throat?" "Bullshit, Charlie." "Hey, fucker!" "Let me tell you something!" "My father died of cancer!" "Alright, that's a real fucking disease!" "He didn't bite it by putting some cock in his ass!" "Man:" "We won't mind, baby." "That's why I fucking hate them." "I'll tell you something, they enjoy the abuse." "You know that?" "They're like the spooks." "I mean it's like— oh, you done this thing to me." "What am I supposed to feel, guilt?" "Hey, hey!" "Fuck you!" "Man:" "Okay, baby, fuck me, fuck me!" "Zoo time." "Let's go." "Hey, hey, hey, Dean." "Just relax, alright?" "Fuck it." "Come on, let's go outside." "Come on." "Let's walk outside." "Yeah, like when the moment's..." " Yeah." " ...right." "When the moment's right." "Man:" "Aw, don't go away mad, baby." "Alright?" "I'll tell you something, everybody— especially this whole fucking crowd here— is out to judge you." "I'm sorry about your father." "I don't give a flying fuck about my father." "He was a mean fucker." "He was a fucker with a capital fuck." "I don't know." "Jesus H. Christ, that's a fucking look." "Hey." " Hey." " How you doing?" "I'm doing great." "Yeah?" "Okay." "Glad to hear it." " I'm Don." " Well, I'm Dean." " Hey." " Hey." "Charlie." "So uh— wanna take a walk?" "I don't go no where without my bud." "Oh, you're— you two are together." "Yeah." "Oh, let's go." "Where?" "Oh, can't wait, can you?" "Yeah, he needs it all the time, Donny." "Follow my lead." "Trust me, it's fun." "Dean." "Zoo time." "Hey." "I'm just so thirsty." "Oh, you are, huh?" "So?" "What are you gonna do with me?" "I can think of a few things." "You're not going to forget my buddy, are you?" "Hey, Charlie, come on over here and tell me what your bud likes." "Don't mind us." "Hey, holy shit, I know you." "You're my highschool biology teacher." "Look at you, Don Wagner, don't you look scary tonight." "Hey, come on, I'm not going to tell anyone!" "Sorry." "He's a dick." "We're going over to The Lure if you—" "No, thanks." "Oh come on,Don, come back!" "You got a car?" " Yeah, if I can find it." " Come on." "" You take me back to the place where I cease to exist "" "" To find a kiss "" "" Something I missed "" "" You burn away my disguise and galaxies fall "" "" Because of this "" "" Because of this "" "I remember this quilt." "I remember waking up drooling on this quilt." "It's one of my fonder memories, actually, just sleeping together," "with you." "I like it up there." "It gives me peace." "Good." "That's good for you." "How are you liking it here?" "It's fine." "It's a nice place." "Very white, like you." " A vision." " Charlie—" "Hey, I've been good." "I've stayed away." "Welcome Wagon." "This is nice." "It's 4:00 in the morning." "And you're looking a little gamey." "Did you set your clock back?" "You get an extra hour." "Thanks." "So it's not as late as you think." "Yes, it is." "It's been old home week tonight." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "I saw one of our friends tonight." "What?" "And this time he was alone." " Wake up, Dean." " Fuck." "I'm driving." "Uh-uh." "Well I was driving." "Still sick?" "Too much Cuervo?" "You're taking me home, right?" " You don't know where I live." " Don't worry, buddy." "I've got everything under control." " I can drive." " Hear any good stories lately?" "I don't feel—" "Is that a "no"?" "Let me see if I know any." "What?" "I've got a good one." "And this one really happened, I swear." "It's another example of the universe saying," ""Just when you thought you were safe— wrong place, wrong time."" "Just give me a second to figure out the ending." "Where are you going?" "I gotta pee." "You ever hear the one about the guy named, um—?" "The guy who hung out in the big city with his buddies, lurking around a certain kind of urban nightlife?" " You know the kind." " Charlie." "Listen." "One night this guy was lurking." "And this night in particular, he's feeling kind of blue" "because his friends had all deserted him." "So he's sitting in this bar and next to him is this fellow, not part of the urban nightlife, not one of them." "This one is normal." "Guy has a newfound pal." "So they talk and they drink." "The guy's already drunk." "He's been drunk since he was 13." "So he guzzles and guzzles and he wakes up in a field..." "Here's good." "You need fucking driving lessons, man." "...in a haze of tequila." "Whoa, baby." "...a daze of white-hot headlights." "Oh, shit." "Isn't this great, just the two of us on the road, being men together?" "And then it all becomes clear." "What the fuck's going on?" "Things suddenly, horrifically, fall into focus." "I'll show you, Dean." "I'll put it in away that you can understand." "Your newfound pal is one of them." "Your newfound pal." " Jesus, man!" " What I'm amazed at, Dean, is—" "Look at me." "Nothing." "I know it's been five months, but—shit!" "I'm your bud now, what the fuck are you talking about?" " Don't you?" "Really?" " No." "Let me clear your head a bit for you." "What the fuck was I, Dean, some one-nighter to you?" "Look, man—" "You want me to fuck you?" "You want me to fuck you, you little cunt?" "Huh, you want me to fuck you, cunt?" " Is that what you want?" " No." "Chris—" "You like that?" "Huh?" " Chris—" " Feel good to you?" "You trying to scare me?" "Is that what you're doing?" "Jesus, did some— something— something happen to you?" "What did you do?" "I made him sorry he ever laid eyes on us." "Jesus!" "Fuck!" "Let me tell you though, just last week," "I see you on the street, this cock of the walk— a black T-shirt, black boots, black jeans, and my head in force of habit turns." "That body, that ass!" "I just stood there admiring, and then it turned, and it was you." "There's nothing like drooling over the fucker who—" "Fuck." "I thought I missed my chance, that I was gonna go my whole life— but then I see you tonight." "Just you and me." "Make sure that cunt's watching." " Fuckin' destiny." " Get down." "Get down!" "Are you cold?" "I had to warm you up." "I can get you heated up in no time, Dean." "Take your fucking pants down." " What?" " Take your fucking pants off!" "You fucking faggot." "You fuckin' little faggot!" "Fuckin' pussy." "You get me fucking drunk." "I expect you to put out!" "What kind of a date is this?" "I'm going to cut your heart out, you know that?" "I've been there already, Dean." "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten you." "You do good work." "Just so you'll always know you're mine." " I'm begging you." " Yeah, that's the spirit." "Get up." "Fuck you." "Alright, you little faggot, you want to see it so bad?" "Fine." "Jesus fucking Christ, Dean— this is exciting to you?" "Fuck you!" "What do you want from me?" "Get down." "Get down!" "Huh?" "Why don't you lick my tit?" " What?" " Lick my tit, you faggot!" "You like that?" "Let's try a little lower." "There you go." "Oh, feel it." "See that?" "The fucking faggot." "I want you to know you're mine." "Get down on your fucking knees." "Get down, Dean!" "Open your mouth." "Let me see your tongue." "You want to give this some head?" "Does that feel all nice in the back of your throat?" "Or do you want the real thing, is that it, Dean?" "Is that what you want?" "Dean?" "Dean?" "Dean?" "Dean." "Chris." "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Chris!" "No!" "Stop it!" "Oh God." "Total eye-for-an-eye." "It was positively biblical." "This happened?" "The fucker was an epileptic, so I put him out of his misery." "Bullshit." "You barge in here 4:00 in the morning— 3:00." "—with some bullshit story." "I know you." "Not anymore." "I'm an absolute shit." " Congrats." " People fuck with me," "I fuck with them." "That's it." "So you're the man now?" "I can protect you, Chris." "Thanks, but—" "Look at me." "People mess with us, they'll know." "I'd kill for you." "But you didn't, did you?" "Did you?" "No." "I know you." " Tell me." " What?" "What did you fucking do?" "I had him up—" "He didn't remember me, but I had him." "I was gonna—" "Fuck." "I was gonna—" "I swear I was gonna kill him, or at least fuck him up really bad." "I don't know." "It was just happening, you know, the way that night happened to us." "Only this time, we were on top." "And then he had that fit, the fucker." "And I just thought about you, and I couldn't—" "There's no point in him." "In what he did to us." "There was no point in me at what I was going to do to him." "There's no fucking point." "Hey." "Well— it's nice to know you've embraced the healing process." "But first we'll need a better story." "The beginning, middle, dead." "Everyone will be talking about us." "And you know that it was true." "We'd be the stuff of legend." "Nice try, babe." "It would have made i tall worthwhile." "Almost." " I want it to be over." " It is." "No, I want—" "I want it out of our lives." "I want it out of me." " I want you in me." " Charlie." "I want you back." "I want you." "I earned you, goddammit." "Charlie, I love you, but you don't get to just erase this." "And you don't get to win me back." "Why not?" " Shit happens." " No, fuck that." "I will not let shit happen to me!" "I can't do that." "Oh God, I'm sorry." "Hold on." "Oh God." "I'm sorry." "It's okay." "Come here." "I've come home from the wars." "This isn't home." "You're the only home I know." "Charlie." "This isn't home." "{ Wanted" " Lover Slain }" "Charlie:" "Chris!" "No!" "Chris!" "Help us." "Please help us." "Just hold on, sweetheart." "Hey, what happened?" "You okay?" "I'm up." "I'm up." "Where's your coat?" "Did you set your clock back?" "Listen," "you take my coat, okay?" "Then what will you do?" "I'm going to go inside." "Right." "Go ahead, put it on." "I'm Bill." "I'm Charlie."