" Okay, did you confirm the wedding photography?" " Check." " The videographer?" " Check." " The stenographer." " Check." "No, there is no stenographer at a wedding." "You failed the test!" "You failed." "Okay, ladies, we are 72 hours away from my wedding." "And so far, I'm not very impressed with my bridal party." "What is this?" "You call this a wedding favor?" "I call this garbage!" "Hey, I thought you said we get to eat the rejects." "Val, relax, your wedding is gonna be perfect." "You're right, you're right." "Oh, it's just, you know, you only get married once, and I guess this whole thing's just had me so stressed out." "Really?" "You hide it so well!" "Val, we are in the home stretch." "The caterer's all taken care of, the flowers are all set..." "You picked up my wedding dress..." "Isn't it nice when sisters hug?" " You didn't pick up my dress?" " Sorry." "What about you?" "You were hired as her backup!" "Isn't it nice when best friends hug?" "What is wrong with you two?" "This is my bridal gown, the center of my wedding universe." "It is the sun -- without which, all things die." "Starting with you two!" "Okay, I left five messages for your dressmaker." "I'm sure that Gittle will call you back." "Yeah, I'm sure she just, you know, took a little vacation, went out partying." "A 95-year-old Russian immigrant?" "Well, they do like their vodka." "Hi, uh, we're here to see Gittle." "She's in the living room." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Obviously, all that partying caught up with her." "âª You really know how to dance âª âª When you go up, down, jump around âª âª Talk about true romance âª âª Yeah âª" "âª Keep on whispering in my ear âª âª Tell me all the things that I wanna hear âª âª 'Cause it's true âª âª What I like âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª âª That's what I like about âª âª Hey âª" "âª Uh-huh âª âª Uh-huh âª âª That's what I like about you âª" "Did you find the dress?" "Why aren't you holding the dress?" "Why aren't you holding the dress?" "I searched all her closets and her bedroom, and all I found were housecoats and a poster of Jude Law." "Holly, I want my dress." "I want my beautiful, one-of-a-kind strapless dress that took three months to make." "The woman lives to 95." "She can't hold out one more freaking week?" " Hey..." " Did you find it?" "Totally scored." "I found these woozy pills in her medicine cabinet." "What?" "She's taken the ultimate muscle relaxer." "Okay, Val, don't worry." "I am your maid of honor." "We're gonna find your dress, okay?" "It's gotta be here somewhere." "It's not like she was buried in it." "No." "She wouldn't." "I'm going in." "Oh, Gittle!" "Gittle!" "Gittle!" "Why is it always the good ones?" "Navy blue with ruffles." "I'm gonna go mingle, see what I can find out." "[ whimpers ]" "How could this happen?" "Gone, just like that." "I know." "She was a great woman." "So thoughtful, so wise... and not afraid to try new things in bed." "It's a shame how she went, isn't it?" "Yeah." "How was that exactly?" "In her sleep." "Aww...well, at least it was peaceful." "Not really." "She was driving at the time." "All right, hey, listen, I talked to the old guy." "Yeah, that narrows it down." "Well, it seems as though the family took all the clothes in the apartment and donated them to a thrift store in Queens." "A thrift store?" "My beautiful dress is hanging next to polyester pants and old yellow bras?" "[ cellular phone rings ]" "Oh, my God, whose is that?" "That's so inconsiderate." "[ ring ]" "Hello?" "Oh, God, okay, yes, I'll tell her." "What now?" "That was the florist." "Um..." "They can't get you your peach roses," " so how about yellow?" " How about no?" "My color scheme is "First Harvest Peach,"" "not "pee-pee yellow."" "Mint?" "No." "Don't try to drug me." "I need to have all of my strength when I rip that florist a new one!" "Okay, you and Lauren go rip the florist a new one," "I'll grab the guys, and we'll go to that thrift shop in Queens." "Okay, good, there's a lot of old in here." "Let's beat it before another one of 'em goes." "And now if you'd join us in the dining room for a small buffet." "Okay." "Lauren!" "Come on, let's go, we're gonna miss the shrimp." "Let's go!" "Wow, now I know where the '70s came to die." "Are you kidding?" "This stuff is... dyn-o-mite!" "J.J., we need to focus." "We are looking for a strapless, beaded bodice." "You understand, we only know "pretty" or "ugly."" "And when we're drunk, either one is fine, am I right?" "Don't laugh at that." "Hello." "Hello." "And a special hello to you, Popeye." "Hi, I am looking for a wedding dress." "You aren't going to marry him, are you?" "Because that would make me sad." "Okay, she scares me a lot." "Wedding dresses are over there." "We've got a lot of treasures in here." "And just remember, anything slightly used can be made beautiful again with a little spit... and polish." "[ sing-song ] Popeye has a girlfriend..." "Shut up, Ben." "Uh, guys... check this out." "I think it's a phone." "Hey, look at this." "By the time you finish dialing 911, you're dead." "[ mocking ] Ha ha ha." "Okay, maybe I should've brought three puppies to help me, because they would've had more concentration." "Come on, we have to find the dress." "Now, you see, if more women wore wedding dresses like this, more men would be marrying women." "It's not here, it's not here." "Excuse me, miss." "Do you have a specific wedding dress?" "It's a..." "[ All ]:" "Strapless, beaded bodice." "Oh, of course, it's beautiful." "And gone." "I sold it." "What, you sold it?" "Why -- why would you sell it?" "So I don't have to eat cat food." "Well, who bought the dress?" "We need to speak to them." "Yes." "Oh, I'm sorry," "I don't give out customer information." "We get a lot of celebrities here." "Hey, guys, we have to get that address." "How about it, Popeye?" "Damn this face and body." "What am I gonna do?" "Val has been planning this wedding since she was 10." "She has pictured the dress, she's pictured the roses..." "Did she picture her fiancé with another woman?" "What?" "Hey, that is Rick at the pizza place." "Oh, my God." "[ gasps ] He's with Julie." "Julie?" "Ex-fiancée Julie?" "That scum." "Holly, I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation why he came all the way out to Queens to share a slice of pizza with his once almost-wife two days before he gets married." "The reason is, he's scum!" "Oh, my God, I can't believe him." "What could Rick be doing?" "Apparently Julie." "Is that helpful?" "This is really gonna kill Val." "Hey, Holly, calm down." "For all you know, Rick told Val that he's having lunch with Julie." "And you might be able to clear that up right now." "Look who's coming." "Did you find my dress?" "Do they have my dress?" " Where is it?" " Okay, funny story..." "Uh, just know that's how the florist started with her, and he's still got an ice pack on his groin, so..." "Okay, look, they sold your dress." "Oh, my God." "Ooh, my back's tightening." "Okay, no, don't stress." "Don't stress." "You know what happens when you stress." "Apparently, I'm stressing because now it's spasming." "Don't spasm." "No need to spasm." "Hey, Lauren, you got any more of those mints?" "No." "No, my family is flying in for the holidays, and I am really gonna need to freshen my breath then." "Okay, Vince is getting the address of the girl who bought it, and we're gonna go get it." "They sold it?" "Oh, my God." "Hey, um, your back doesn't seem to be getting any better." "Maybe you should call Rick and have him come pick you up." "No, he can't." "He's in New Jersey all day on business." "Is that what he told you -- New Jersey?" "That scum!" "What?" "There's just quite a bit of scum in New Jersey." "Okay." "I got the address." "And now I feel dirty and cheap." "Okay, great, let's go." "Let's go get it." "No, no, we can't." "We have to bring the photographer his check at 4:00." "How are we supposed to do both?" "Okay, stop." "Ben and I will drop off the check with the photographer." "Gary and Vince will pick up your dress." "Lauren's gonna take you home, and you're gonna get your back massager and actually use it on your back, okay?" "Everybody know what they have to do?" "Ready, break!" "Ooh, on the way home, can we stop at that pizza place across the street?" " No!" "No pizza place!" " Why not?" " Because, uh, I need to talk to you about something." " Can't it wait?" " No, no, no, it can't wait." "See, um..." " What?" "Is it weird if I... look at other girls and have feelings?" "What?" "[ whispers ] Rick and Julie just got in a cab." "Okay, you know what?" "It's over." "That phase has passed." "Let's go." "Um, is it weird?" "24C." "This is it." "All right, so how do we do this?" "We just ask for the wedding dress back?" "Well, let me see, in my all experience asking for wedding dresses back " " I don't know!" "Don't worry." "I'll handle it." "All right." " She's wearing it." " I see." "How are you doing?" "Uh, I'm Vince." "I...uh...tell her why we're here, Gar." "Hi." "Ha." "Um..." "Are we -- are we interrupting anything holy?" "Oh, no, I'm getting married in a few days." "My mother's just hemming my dress." "Okay, well, you see, that's why we're here." "Um, yeah, about your dress... now, uh... tell her, Vince." "Uh, see, the thing is, it was accidentally donated to the store where you bought it, and we kinda need it back." "[ Woman ]:" "Who is it, Nikki?" "It's about the dress, Ma." "They want it back." "Who wants what back?" "Wow, okay, um, ahem... see, this was our friend Val's dress, and through a series of bad circumstances, it ended up at a thrift store where you..." "Paid good money for it, and it's ours." "Go stir the sauce, Nikki." "Yeah, b-but it was Val's first." "And this dress -- it means everything to her." "And she's getting married in a few days." "Now, to be honest with you, the woman hasn't had the best of luck with men." "I mean, the first one " "Luck with men?" "My daughter used to weigh 230 pounds." "I went all the way to the Vatican to pray she'd stop eating like a pig and find a husband." "A week later, she got in a fight at the bowling alley and wound up with her jaw wired shut." "Thank God." "And 75 pounds later, she met her fiancé." "It was a miracle, as was finding this dress." "So, you see, I ain't giving it up." "Listen, you look like a reasonable... moderately attractive woman." "I know " "Well, looks like Popeye lost his pretty." "Okay, I'm just gonna ask you one last time." "Are you sure you want to tell Val about Rick and Julie?" "Well, she deserves to know." "She's marrying him in three days." "But if you never see me again, you can have my chicken at the wedding." "Good luck." "Thank you." "Whoa, whoa, I ordered 50 chickens and 85 salmon." "There are only 84 salmon here." "I'm missing salmon." "I can't believe I'm missing a salmon!" "You're missing a lot more than a salmon." "Hey, um, how are you doing?" "Are you still in pain?" "Oh, well, sometimes I black out, and that's a nice relief." "There's something I have to tell you." "Oh, God, they called." "They can't find the dress, right?" "No, no, it's on its way." "What I wanted to tell you, um..." "What?" "Okay." "Hypothetically speaking, if there was a tidal wave heading towards New York, would you want to know it was coming, or would you prefer to be surprised and see if you survive?" "Are there any salmon in this tidal wave?" "[ knock on door ]" "One wedding dress for Miss Val Tyler." "Oh, it's here!" "Let me see her, let me see her." "Yeah, oh, I wanna hug you." " Aww..." " Not you, the dress!" "Bam!" "What the hell is that?" "Well, something old, something new, something borrowed, something eww." "Where is my dress?" "Well, we tried to get it back, but there was a scary Italian lady who says she knows the Pope and we had to kiss his feet, and I ain't kissing no old man's feet." " Oh, my wedding is ruined!" " Okay, look, it's not gonna be ruined by a dress." "There's a lot of, um, other things that can ruin weddings." "No, Holly, it's not just the dress." "It's the flowers, the napkins, the salmon!" "These are all omens." "I'm gonna go upstairs and go to bed." "Maybe I'll have that recurring nightmare where I'm naked at my wedding." "Oh, wait, I will be." "You know what?" "She'll be fine." "She just needs a house call from her doctor." "Johnny Walker, M.D." "Holly, we're sorry." "We really did try to get the dress back." "I know, and I appreciate it." "Would you mind giving me some time alone?" "I have to figure out this whole Rick and Julie thing." " You got it." " Thanks." "What?" "Well, it's just that the dress cost us 100 bucks." "But that's cool." "Pay us when you can." " Hey, Rick." " Ha ha!" "First time today I've seen you." "Yeah, and now we're leaving... to go have pizza -- not that that means anything in particular." " Hey." " Hello." "Is Val around?" "I just got this message on my cell about the dress and her back..." "Uh-huh, yeah, she's upstairs." "Her back is still pretty messed up." "That's all the stress from planning this wedding." "She's taking on too much." "Oh, right, well, maybe it's just because she loves you so much, and she just wants everything to be perfect." "I love her, too." "Right." "So, um..." "how was New Jersey?" "New Jersey was New Jersey." "Yeah...that's funny." "I forgot, how do you usually get to New Jersey?" "Is there a shortcut through a pizza place in Queens?" "What?" "I saw you and Julie today." "And don't you think about having me whacked, because Gary, Vince, and Ben saw you, too." "Okay, Holly, listen, Julie called me and said she wanted to give me her blessing." "She said that it would help her have closure." "I left her at the altar, Holly." "I owed her that." "Okay, if it's all so innocent, then why didn't you just tell Val?" "Have you met your sister?" "Her eye twitched for three days when she found out the wedding singer didn't know any Michael Bolton." "Okay, this is so not the same thing." "I mean, if it wasn't that big of a deal, then " "Holly, there's nothing to worry about, okay?" "Rick!" "Oh, I thought I heard you down here." "[ knock on door ]" "I've had the worst day." "Everything is falling apart." "I'm so glad you're here." "Hey, um, Val, this is Nikki." "She's here about the dress." "Hi, I found out where you lived from the thrift store lady." "Oh, please, God, let that be my dress." "Yeah, I got to thinking about what those two guys said about how this was your dream dress." "I can't take that away from you." "Oh..." "We didn't have a lot of money after my father's operation." "So finding it was like a miracle." "And it was a miracle that I fit into it." "I don't know if you heard, but I used to tip in at 230." "Oh, my God, did you go to Camp Chubby-Wubby in Great Neck?" "No." "Me neither." "Well, anyway, it really is a beautiful dress." "I felt like Cinderella in it." "So, what are you gonna do for a wedding dress?" "Back to the thrift store." "But at least I'm still marrying a great guy." "Oh, this guy -- he's like chocolate chip cheesecake with fudge sauce drizzled on top." "No, he's like a glazed doughnut that when you bite into it, all of a sudden, peanut butter shoots out." "Somebody's obsessed with carbs." "A total surprise, you know?" "Just like me finding love." "'Cause, you know, that's what this is all about -- love." "It doesn't matter about the dresses or the fish or chicken or overbearing mothers... when you find your soul mate, nothing else matters." "You know what?" "She's right." "This is about you and me." "Yes." "So let's get past the wedding and on to our marriage because I can't wait." "Oh, my God, you got a good one, too." "Yeah, I did, didn't I?" "I'm sorry." "I've been such an idiot." "Thank you." "Oh, my pleasure." "Well, look, I better get going." "The thrift store closes in an hour." "Maybe I'll find another miracle dress." "Have a happy life." "Uh... wait a minute." "You forgot something." "Oh, no way." "No...you just gave me something, and I want to give you something." "Are you serious?" "Oh, my God." "Do you know what you are?" "You are a hot chocolate soufflé on a cold winter's night." "Oh, thank you so much!" "Now I'm gonna get out of here really fast before you change your mind." "Hey, you got a good one, too." "Bye!" "Hey, Val, that was really sweet what you did." "No, it was really sweet what you guys did putting up with me today." " Today?" " Today?" "You know, I didn't think it was possible, but I think I love you even more." "Aww...that's really sweet." "Very touching." "Now, what the hell are you gonna wear to your wedding?" "Lauren, we're having a moment here, all right?" "Okay, moment over." "I have no dress, ladies." "Let's go." "Bergdorf's closes in an hour." " I'll meet you right outside." " Okay, bye, see ya!" "What you said about Julie makes sense," " but something still just doesn't feel right." " Holly " "But she's happy, so I'm not gonna say anything." "But if you ever hurt my sister... it'll be a lot harder than that."