"In 14th century Anatolia where the Eastern Roman Empire was known as "The Land of Rome," the Mongols invaded." "The Seljuk and Byzantines had lost control." "The Turkmen fiefdoms and Byzantine lordships each sought to forge a powerful new state..." "Orhan Ghazi had just conquered Bursa..." "All flocked to this new light:" "Christian, Jew, and Muslim." "And of course the Shaman." "Eyyü settü jinn." "Ahhu jinn, yettü jinn!" "Tell me, who is this man who shall be renowned throughout the mortal world?" "My boy?" "Karagöz?" "My black-eyed boy?" "He shall be drowned in glory and fame." "The Sultans will be forgotten but his name shall live on." "But how?" "So rude!" "Come back!" "Come back!" "Mama!" "They've come again." "The Mongols are here!" "We're here to collect tax for Süleyman of Eþrefoðlu." "They're not Mongols." "It's that thieving shaver." "Hand over 1/40 of everything you've got." "Or we'll take half!" "Oh!" "They're taking Goldie..." "What do you want?" "I'm taking this cow!" "Tax!" "It's not a tax, shame on you!" "Your father's the cow." "She's my darling." "Mama!" "Piss off, scrounger.." "Or I'll send the jinn after you!" "Mother Kam, send the jinn after the Mongol, not us." "The Mongol takes from Süleyman and Süleyman takes from us." "We've got to!" "Does a flying bird pay tax?" "We're nomads, just passing through." "You can't pass." "This is our land." "Gland?" "Are you calling Karagöz a gland?" "He said land, not gland." "And right in front of the little babes." "Land." "He said land." "You said what?" "Country." "Come on, Mother Kam!" "This boy destined for fame?" "Sure the jinn aren't tricking you?" "The jinn are rude, but they don't lie." "Tell me windbag:" "How will it happen?" "They say there's another." "It will only happen when they meet." "That only when they find each other, shall they both find fame!" "He's a real ladies' man." "Oy!" "So the boy's master will be some fop!" "Girls, girls, we're in trouble!" "Master's returned!" "His Worship, Pervane..." "Goodness gracious!" "His Worship, Pervane." "What have you done, Hacivat?" "Good God!" "Welcome, Your Worship, Judge Pervane." "What an honour. I was sent to Antalya, by Süleyman Bey, as an envoy..." "Greetings from Tekelioðlu, from the fortress of Antalya!" "Here's the letter." "We got sunburnt by the sea." "I needed yoghurt to soothe the pain." "Your household kindly obliged..." "Look at me:" "Turned into yoghurt soup, praise God!" "And my turban suits you, too!" "What?" "Oh this." "Well, nothing like a turban and some yoghurt!" "All we need now's a bit of garlic." "Eþrefoðlu fiefdom, Beyþehir Vassal of the Seljuk" "My Khan, don't." "The time is ripe." "Let's not bother sending tribute to the Mongol, Demirtaþ." "His end is near." "He'll not live to see his beard turn white." "And we've taken everything, even the people's underwear." "I swear nothing's left over for the Mongols." "The people are fleeing to the Byzantines." "Süleyman, the fiefdoms are ready to unite against the Mongol." "Koh-i-noor?" "The power that unites us." "Come on, it's just a trinket." "If baubles were power, the Seljuk would have survived." "You know me, Judge!" "Make love, not war!" "That's what I say." "Find a good envoy right away and send this little stone to the Mongol." "Or else I'll find its pair and make myself earrings." "Take it, take it." "N ow find an envoy right away." "Well, they say Hacivat's returned..." "N o!" "Don't cut off my poor thing!" "It's state property. lt would be a crime." "N o, don't cut it off..." "Wait!" "Yes, Çoban effendi?" "Stop stop." "Yes, stop, right?" "Shoo!" "Go to the Mongol?" "You can't be serious, Khan." "If I go empty-handed won't they use my hide for a drum?" "Write it down, Hacivat!" "Our fiefdom is humble." "We are poor, but we have a famous stone." "Light of the Sun and Scourge of all Evil Sultan of Sultans..." "Master of the Arab Lands and Persia and Eastern Rome Shadow of Allah on Earth, Demirtaþ Khan!" "To your skirts we send our humble gift and beseech you to..." "N o, that's no good." "...beseech you to..." "N ow how did that go?" "...to honour us with your munificence and blessings!" "Ah, honour us!" "That's it." "Good, I'll seal it!" "Let's hope for the best." "God, this sweet talk of honour makes me want a pickle..." "Bring a pickle..." "You misunderstand me." "I swear I didn't get friendly with all the concubines." "Only the ones with yellow hair..." "I swear." "Get going." "March... I didn't do it, I swear." "May Allah have mercy on his soul." "Two birds with one stone." "Send word to Egypt." "Tell Demirtaþ to convert to Islam and the caliphate is his." "But sign it in the Caliph's name." "Adilcevaz" " Camp of the Mongol Governor of Anatolia, Demirtaþ" "Greatest of the great, Demirtaþ Khan..." "My Khan, Süleyman of Eþrefoðlu kisses the feet of Demirtaþ Khan." "I bring Süleyman Khan's message." "Screw your message." "What?" "Has that bitch of a donkey sent a gift?" "Well, there is a chest..." "A chest?" "Good, bring in the chest!" "Here it is." "Ha!" "is that the chest?" "It's small, but its contents are great." "A diamond." "Koh-i-noor." "And here is the letter." "Lord of Lords... ..fount of all knowledge, omnipotent and merciful the envy of all rulers, Demirtaþ Khan." "May Allah surrender us to your mercy!" "Light of all time, bane of all traitors extinguisher of infidels and idolaters." "May you claim your rightful place in Heaven." "Warrior of warriors, mightiest of Rulers." "Demirtaþ Khan." "Above all else:" "Defender of the Muslim Faith!" "But I'm not a Muslim!" "What?" "I'm not a Muslim!" "That's not what's written here!" "Demirtaþ, born of a pig and a snake " "We're going to open that puckered flower of yours with a red-hot, iron key " "We'll pound your precious little arsehole with the oldest mule in the Land of Rome..." "And your mother's..." "A snake!" "It bit me." "Eþrefoðlu, Hamitoðlu and all the other fiefdoms are dead..." "We'll crush the snake's head and scrape out its womb." "Knock some sense into this stupid head of mine!" "I'm new at this envoy thing. lt's my first time..." "And for a half-assed khanate like Eþrefoðlu..." "And for that lord of misfortune, Süleyman!" "Who smokes opium and insults great leaders like you!" "May Allah damn him to hell..." "And Koh-i-noor?" "Where is it?" "Yeah, where is it?" "Süleyman talked about making love, not war." "What's he playing at?" "Did Süleyman give you the chest, or did Pervane?" "Do you know Pervane?" "Read it!" "Read it out like before, but this time to Eredna!" "Lord of lords... khan of khans, mighty Eredna..." "Mighty Eredna..." "O great one, embrace us in your endless mercy." "We are warmed in the depths of your noble heart." "May your exalted arms enfold us..." "He who was sent by Allah as a model for all mankind..." "Didn't I tell you 10 times... not to love 9 sweethearts?" "8 won't make you happy, 7 won't mean fidelity." "6, 5 and 4 what are so many for?" "Subtract 2 from the remaining 3" "I want a woman, mama. I want a baby." "I've had it with Arabs and Mongols." "With being a nomad." "N o more walking." "Let's find a home, a bed, stay put, walk through city streets." "What did the jinn say about that man?" "How will I know who he is?" "He's like you, no belly button..." "What?" "Belly button." "What's a belly button?" "Come on Goldie." "Goldie..." "Loading up, we walk towards darkness and light" "Supping on stars, we walk towards dreams" "Unending migration, walking towards the unknown..." "Exile our homeland, we walk towards solitude..." "Comely maids smile on us, we smile as we walk on" "Wishing to pause, we walk even as we stop" "Yes, I want teets, I walk as I yearn" "My slippers warn out, walking towards death" "The Trial of Socrates, an instructive comedy." "After each Brother's pilfered a bit of stone there'll be nothing left." "It'll be on their own heads..." "Bring down the stones..." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Where are you taking my workmen?" "I'm going to build a wall for the Lodge." "How will the mosque get done?" "Orhan Ghazi will be here soon." "A Lodge is also God's house, Küþteri." "Orhan's still busy campaigning!" "Come on..." "We'll never finish the mosque." "The stones are going the workmen are gone, the eggs are being gobbled up!" "And, where were you?" "Come on." "Get your kebab." "Juicy and moist..." "This kebab's delicious, but it's a bit dry." "Why don't we stand it up?" "Then the juice'll run down and it'll be tastier..." "My, aren't you clever!" "So how are we supposed to get the flame to stay next to the meat?" "You've got a point." "The secret of our trade's passed on from father to son!" "Mercy me." "Beautiful girls everywhere." "Who are they?" "The Sisters." "Lady Ayþe is Head Sister and daughter of Köse Michael, descendant of the late Osman Ghazi." "This is a real paradise." "Just crawling with beauties." "Mama!" "I want to take Goldie out grazing, but she won't come." "Come on my girl, let's go." "Hey Mother Kam, are your spells black or white?" "White." "But I can break black ones." "Who's that angel?" "Lady Ayþe!" "N ow how does it go, "Praise be to Allah"...." "Come with me." "We've received complaints Socrates." "You've created new gods..." "Well you've got too many state gods." "Why not merge them?" "Sheikh." "The minaret's pinnacle has arrived." "Misak, you've got shit for brains." "We've got a pinnacle but no minaret;" "...lodges but no mosque." "Disgraceful!" "Talk about a goat blaming his own arse for his own farts." "And you've fiddled with young minds, and other parts too?" "Hey, fellow Athenians, fellow pederasts!" "Since when was it a crime?" "Mama!" "Eat, Goldie... health from the sky-god." "Mama, Goldie's up and dying." "We travelled so far together." "We cooked food with your dried dung." "We had to give your calves to those thieving Mongols." "And, we ate quite a few ourselves." "We made ourselves calfskin slippers and sandals." "Don't give up." "Get up." "Look, these city cows are fat and happy." "Get away, she can't breathe!" "O, Truth Eternal!" "Hey nomad, who are you talking to?" "Has your ox got a tongue?" "She has." "And two horns to stick up your arse!" "Your mother's the ox." "This is Goldie." "Her tongue, I said." "What language does she speak, you ignorant toad?" "Toilet you say?" "Just go over to that tree!" "The fop has to pee, but leaks all over me." "Shameless one!" "Bawling over an unclean beast like it's a son of Adam, beating his breast..." "Yes, I bawl." "She's closer to me than most men." "The nomad's right." "He's a bit of an ox himself." "Close relative, was she?" "Got a name?" "Mama calls me "Black-Eyes"!" "Look here, Karagöz... I'm Hacivat." "Are you Muslim?" "N o, but I plan to..." "So you don't know." "Listen well. lf Goldie is dead, she died unclean." "Bleed her quickly while she breathes." "Dead, she's good only for infidels, and worth less." "How could I kill her?" "Here, take this for Goldie!" "What good does coin do Goldie?" "The coin's for you, not Goldie." "Take it..." "But what are you going to do to Goldie?" "Make her better!" "Get up, Goldie." "You'll get better." "Karagöz, I have travelled far and wide, like a nomad, from land to land..." "Watch your tongue..." "Land, I said land..." "At 18 I was envoy to the Seljuks!" "To the Lands of Byzantium, Ethiopia and Hindustan." "The Seljuk Sultan and Egyptian Emir would play chess together..." "Do you know how to play?" "We do!" "Well they had no idea!" "Each would stay in his own land..." "Anyway, I'd go back and forth with instructions for their moves." "The game lasted seven years." "Who won?" "The Seljuk Khan stole a piece." "Which led to war, as you all know." "I tattled to the Caliph, myself." "If I hadn't, the Caliphate would have passed to the Venetians." "Meanwhile, we had to deal with the Vikings." "But I digress..." "Hacivat doesn't take no for an answer." "Here's another quarter-piece." "Take it." "Put out your hand...." "Take it...take it..." "So, you're here." "What's she worth?" "There's at least 150 oke of meat." "150 oke?" "On this cow?" "I'll give you 75 quarter-pieces, tops." "N ot another drachma." "What?" "What's a drachma?" "N ot drachma." "A dram." "A dram of salve." "Are your ears blocked up?" "It's nothing." "A dram of salve for your Goldie to tenderise her..." "Go and get some air..." "Go on." "Come, black-eyes... don't be vexed...." "We'll handle it..." "Killers!" "Goldie..." "Mama!" "Eyyü jinn settü jinn, ahu jinn yettü jinn..." "Come Mother Kam, tell us our fortunes..." "Give me your hand." "I see love... a never-ending love." "A man, not your equal, wishes for your hand." "Mother Kam, read ours too." "A future full of love is a present full of generous tips, Mother Kam." "Will I give the unworthy one my hand?" "You'll give your heart to him, too." "Make a wish. lt will come true." "But first make me a gift of some unneeded trifle, then your path will be clear..." "Çoban effendi." "There lies Bursa, city of Orhan Ghazi." "We battled Arabs, Persians and Mongols, while they flourished in peace." "Muslims, infidels and nomads, all together." "N o minarets, but a pinnacle in the square!" "Fashioned from gold?" "Aye!" "Get it for me!" "It won't do to arrive empty-handed." "Rob our hosts?" "I see misfortune. lt gazes on from above." "What misfortune is that?" "Within the city walls..." "A grave at the foot of the mosque..." "Stop him!" "They took the pinnacle." "Get it back..." "Thieves..." "Allah." "Thieves..." "Köse Michael!" "Köse Michael!" "They're running for the reedbed." "Come on..." "The pinnacle!" "Catch them..." "Father, are you all right?" "We've lost their tracks..." "They are many!" "Traces of blood..." "They're heading back to the city..." "Thieves!" "They're entering the city gates..." "Peace be with you, Köse Michael." "And peace be upon you..." "They said the sons of Osman had transformed Bursa into a paradise." "l came to see for myself." "You did well." "You know Çoban... I knew Michael before he became a believer." "We battled." "He lay siege to Harmankaya, when I was its Christian lord." "But he didn't prevail!" "Forgive me, but I did prevail..." "You chose Islam." "So victory is mine..." "And how is my choice, your victory?" "150 of my warriors are at the service of Orhan Ghazi son of Osman, and yourself." "Orhan is on campaign." "The decision is his." "Please come in." "Thank you." "Forgive the commotion." "Two outlaws have stolen the pinnacle." "Where did they go?" "They're guests of Köse Michael." "Sisters, wait here!" "Allah's blessings upon you." "How did you manage this?" "We ran into your outlaws on the way here." "Where's my father?" "Father what's going on here?" "My daughter, Lady Ayþe." "Judge Pervane and Emir Çoban." "They've recovered the pinnacle..." "But where'd they find it?" "What's a nice Muslim girl like you doing with weapons?" "Ayþe is Head of the Sisters." "They defend the city..." "Sisters and wives should be stuffing vegetables for dinner, not chasing outlaws." "Another word from you, and I'll stuff your head." "Ayþe, you disrespect our guests!" "Forgive me, father." "The Sisters are a legacy of Sheikh Edebali." "We demand respect." "N ow tell me, where was the pinnacle?" "He looks surprised!" "Stunned by his end, no doubt." "Pity, he was probably someone's husband or brother." "Many more will come, thieves and outlaws fleeing the Mongols." "With the men on campaign, the city must be defended." "Hear ye, one and all." "Victuals will be laid out in the square at noon in honour of Judge Pervane and Emir Çoban, saviours of the pinnacle." "Free lunch for all." "Don't say you weren't told." "Peace be with you." "Welcome, Hacivat, sir." "lnn-keeper, bring me some water of life." "Red devil or white devil?" "We're the followers of Sufi." "Give me your best ruddy love potion!" "I wonder if I could ask something." "N o offence meant." "Got any daughters?" "Afraid not..." "You're the first daughterless innkeeper I've met." "Those with many daughters, have much custom..." "Kalimera." "And a 'Good day' to you, too." "I'm Play-actor Michael, and this is our 'theatron' owner, Player Hajji Dimitri ... I know. I've watched you." "And we've watched you." "May we sit?" "Please do." "Your jesting is most novel, most inspiring." "The N omad and the Gentleman." "Are you always a duo?" "Go on, off with you... ls the theatron yours?" "The theatron!" "I know it well." "But it's lost something of late!" "Do you slaughter a cow at every performance?" "The butcher's our partner!" "Who are those maidens?" "Ah, them." "They pull the crowd." "What?" "I mean, they're artistes!" "Artists, huh?" "I want to marry, mama!" "But I need coin for a home, a job for coin." "A polecat poached my cow while I was looking for my 'other'." "Even if I find him, what then?" "The jinn didn't say." "Anyway, you've got a secret to make you money!" "What secret?" "Your papa's secret..." "What secret did papa have?" "He said not to tell you..." "But why?" "Only when the time comes, he said." "Tell me so we strike it rich, buy silks for the lady a vineyard for you, pay taxes, live happily..." "Lord give me the strength to fight, the courage to tell the truth..." "Something's brewing." "Mother Kam said everything would change... I thought it was my servant, father..." "Lady Holofira is distributing food in the square." "The Sisters await you." "Fine..." "How's your arm?" "Fine... I haven't seen you pray to Allah lately." "N either have the servants... I pray from within..." "Any work for me?" "N o!" "Off with you!" "That's the last one!" "You should have waited and changed it all today." "The Mongol raided the fiefdom of Eþrefoðlu." "Mongol coin peaked today." "But there's overhead involved." "Here." "Sorry, no change." "Come here!" "Many winters ago a Mongol arrow pierced poor Goldie." "Tell whoever prepares the meat to soften it with yoghurt..." "Will do and make a dish worthy of her, with plenty of onions!" "I don't eat meat." "Good God Almighty, the Roman roads" "So even Orhan fell short, huh?" "Of what blood are these men?" "Turkmen, and a few Mongols." "But they all have trades!" "And they know tax collecting." "And who commands the soldiers?" "With Orhan Ghazi's permission, you and your men shall all follow the rules of our Order." "My only Order is Pervane." "Around him, we whirl." "Hey, buddy!" "Hey, buddy!" "I'm a repairman, looking for work." "Do you belong to the Order?" "Tell me what it is, and I'll tell you if I belong." "It's a kind of fraternity." "A free what?" "Free food?" "A fraternity." "There's work if you're a Brother." "What?" "Listen to me." "Join the Order." "See that bearded registrar over there?" "That bearded hajji?" "Hajjis and catamites, they're all over there." "What are you eating?" "Sunflower seeds." "We feed those to the donkeys." "Peace be on you." "Peace be on you." "Welcome, Brothers of the Order." "Welcome to the Sisters." "Welcome." "You honour our table, your Worship." "The pinnacle was to be the crowning jewel of Orhan Mosque glory of Bursa, our paradise on earth." "You snatched it from the tiger's claws, preserving it as an enduring symbol of Islam in these Lands of Rome." "Judge Pervane, we are eternally grateful." "Welcome." "Judge Pervane served the Seljuks in Antioch, Ladik and Konya." "He is a master of politics, jurisprudence and tax collection." "Oh really?" "His fame reached my ears, too." "My condolences about the Mongol." "They say Demirtaþ buried your fiefdom." "I told that opium addict, Süleyman, to wait to summon the Germians and Ottomans before waging battle." "Forgive me, but he sent the most blasphemous and scurrilous letter to the Mongol." "Such profanity would enrage a stone." "All hell broke loose." "The Mongol came." "Süleyman was boiled flayed, pickled in vinegar and salt, with a little garlic and flung into Beyþehir lake." "We barely escaped with our lives." "Send word to the square." "Distribute the food!" "Stop!" "Those eggs are for the mosque, so the mortar sets." "Are the people to go hungry, Misak?" "N o, but how will we finish the mosque?" "Think first of the people." "These are their eggs." "N ame..." "Karagöz..." "Oh, you again..." "My companion had too much to eat. lt disagreed." "Father's name?" "Papa!" "That's what we called him." "Before the sky-god took him." "The what?" "He died, he died." "Trade?" "N omad and ironworker!" "Ironworker?" "See that line over there?" "Off you go." "Our Order never forces anyone." "Are you Muslim?" "N o." "Become one; then come." "You're poor; there'll be less tax." "Get it?" "What is your name?" "Flippo." "Flippo, have you a witness?" "I do." "Repeat after me:" "Eþhedü enla ilahe-illallah ve eþhedü enne muhammeden abdühu we rasulühu!" "Uhm eshedü la ilahe.." "Are you a witness?" "Yes." "Are you a witness?" "Yes." "May Allah embrace you!" "N ext!" "Hear ye!" "His Excellency Orhan Ghazi has conquered Kordyla and Daciviza." "is there anyone here with experience as a judge?" "I'm a seasoned envoy!" "I know Arabic and Persian." "Latin's the thing these days." "Persian and Arabic are so passé." "Ego, ego effendi, ego!" "Doctiloquus latinii." "I suppose you'll do." "I understand, but I can't speak it." "The mosque is a gift for Orhan Ghazi." "It must be completed before his return." "We're short a few stones. I swear we're doing the best we can." "Well at least erect the minaret." "Bursa has many churches, no?" "So!" "Well, with time so short why not plant a minaret on the roof of a church?" "But that church has a congregation." "If there are churches, there will be churchgoers." "What's the point in a holy war?" "Because, Your Worship, sooner or later cities fall." "Iron gates can always be pried open." "But hearts and mind can not be conquered." "At least not at the point of a sword." "O virginal guardian of Saint Michael's gates!" "With a scold like Ayþe, who needs theatron?" "Citizens of Athens..." "Are you changing your religion?" "Hey, father, get in line." "What's the hurry?" "You've got no religion to change!" "I have my own beliefs." "I belief in the sky and earth. ln water and nature." "But that's not a religion. lt doesn't count." "Let's make you an Orthodox." "What do you say?" "A what?" "An Orthodox." "Yorgo Effendi, leave those ignorant nomads alone or I'll come over and break your legs!" "Caught!" "The guy who murdered my Goldie." "This cruel mongrel killed my poor Goldie!" "I counted out coins for that cow." "You said you'd make her better." "I bought that cow. lt was mine to heal or to use for soup bones." "Give Goldie back." "They ate your Goldie up and shat her out!" "Hey, you dropped your purse!" "You treacherous brute." "Till today I've killed only Mongols, but I liked you." "Ah, now I remember!" "Your cow died of natural causes." "You can read and write." "N ow tell me, would a cow dying of natural causes have bawled like that?" "Why not?" "Perhaps she remembered something sad." "Cows have lots of nerves." "They thrash around." "Haven't you ever cut down a tree, only to see it send forth sprouts again?" "I guess you haven't." "N ow give me the club." "These dressed-up dandies are so full of shit." "All they do is play with words." "But if you show them a club..." "What do you want from me?" "What do you want from me?" "That could've been my head." "Stop it!" "Don't!" "Ritual ablutions are a must, even for donkey heaven." "I'm just helping you along." "Don't." "These are my only clothes." "And this is my only head." "See you later." "Hacivat, it's not my clothes." "It's those bugs in the water." "They'll tickle." "Don't do it, I beg you." "Just say the Goldie incident is behind us, and I'll let you go." "What's done is done." "Good then.," "That was a horrible thing to do!" "Karagöz, hold on!" "I am the gadfly of the Athenian people given to them by God and they will never have another." "Off with his head!" "That Socratic son of a..." "Sent by Allah, were you?" "Who do you think you are?" "N ot me." "Socrates. lt's a play." "What's that guy's name?" "He's called Socrates..." "Of all the blasphemous nonsense." "It's the circumcision of Hajji Socrates." "Enough of that!" "Do something festive, with music." "Songs." "Hey, people of Bursa." "Brothers in trade." "Look at me and be warned!" "Don't pay any mind to this one." "He's a swindler." "How'd he escape from the Mongol?" "What do you mean, swindler?" "is it because I paid up front, for that dried-up cow of yours?" "is that my only crime?" "I couldn't even buy a chicken with the money you gave me." "Did you try to buy the whole henhouse?" "N o, just one ragged chicken that didn't even lay eggs." "It was a rooster!" "If you'd offered four mules they wouldn't have sold it." "They're hilarious!" "Begone!" "Piss off!" "What's your trade?" "I'm a nomad." "We walk and walk, give and give." "Give what?" "Our mules, our cows and geese we gave up as tax." "Our brothers and our father, we gave to mother earth." "Our valuables and food we gave to outlaws." "My mother and I kept walking." "Always walking, always less and less." "But brother Karagöz, just ask the tradesmen here." "You can't get anything unless you give something." "That's what we said." "We came to the city to settle down." "Saved our last cow from the Mongol but you took it." "I ask you: what's a nomad to do?" "Why does everyone take from us, when we take from no one?" "The world has no place for nomads." "Bring out the food, bring out the food." "Wait a second." "Take off your clothes." "Why?" "For tax." "These silks are so wiggly." "It's gone up my crack." "What a fancy man you are, silk-lined arse and all." "That's not the silk you're wearing, it's the worm." "That's the way these nomads dress, friends." "They stick on a live lamb as a fur hat." "In winter they wear water buffalos, bellowing all the while." "And they put live cats and dogs on their feet." "Good people, I just noticed you." "Allow me introduce myself." "I am the last envoy of the late Eþrefoðlu fiefdom." "My name's Hacivat. I heard that Bursa..." "Hacivat, give me those rags of yours!" "Fancy man!" "N o button on your belly!" "You're the one mama talked about." "What are you talking about?" "Who chose us?" "Fate. lt is your destiny." "So you're saying Hacivat and the nomad will become famous?" "But nothing happened when we met." "They all laughed at us." "We just squabbled." "Perhaps your fame will come from the secret." "What secret?" "The stone's secret!" "The stones seek red?" "Here." "Clean out your ears, then listen up." "I'm deaf in this ear." "Pierced by a Mongol arrow." "I said the stone's secret." "Ah, the secret of the stone." "Papa's secret!" "The secret that turns water to stone?" "Who knows this secret?" "But if papa knew, why'd he die hungry?" "Even when he was dead, when we buried him by the oak tree, his stomach still growled." "Why?" "Your papa wasn't interested in fame." "Even if it works, it'll take brains." "A simpleton couldn't make money." "Brains and heart." "I'm the one with heart." "But I still don't understand." "Why me?" "A secret's a secret." "Just lay down and sleep." "I'll still need to cast a spell." "Karagöz." "Fancy man." "We haven't much time." "Make haste. I've prepared everything." "Don't forget the twigs." "The mix is all ready." "Küþteri, what about your great plan for carriages in Bursa?" "You haven't done a thing." "I'll put this just here." "One day we won't even need horses." "Küþteri, instead of getting smarter with age you're losing it." "We'll never finish this mosque." "If you'd kept watch, hadn't let them steal all the stones we'd have built seven mosques by now." "Sheikh." "You know those two men who made everyone laugh?" "I know them." "They're at the door." "What do they want?" "Well, they claim to..." "Go on, invite them in." "Go on, Misak." "Sheikh." "Quick, bring something from the mosque we can fill." "Whose secret is it?" "Mine." "Mine." "I mean, ours." "He's my slave." "Was. I freed him, just now." "N ow we're partners." "But I do the talking." "Quick, hurry up." "Misak, bring an earthen jar." "Go on, Karagöz, fill it." "Don't forget to put in the twigs." "I know." "What are you looking at?" "I brought some." "I'm helping you." "We haven't a second to lose." "In the name of God..." "Watch this. lt'll turn to stone." "If this was real stone, it'd have cracked!" "The secret stone's better than the real thing." "If my daughter seeks marriage with another, I can't refuse." "But I've given her a certain period of time in which to choose." "Then, if she still hasn't made up her mind I myself will choose a worthy spouse like you." "The Sisterhood has been of great service but must now be disbanded as painlessly as possible." "That'd be best." "Our land has many weapons, but few children." "And women could help govern." "It's too early for that." "They're far too willing to compromise." "Women think only of their children." "There is no place in politics for such compromise." "Truly spoken." "And there is something you might need to know." "Ayþe clings still to the faith of Christ." "Good Heavens!" "Begging Allah's pardon..." "Perhaps after marriage her child will bring her to Islam." "By God's grace..." "Pervane effendi, they await you at the Lodge." "By your leave..." "You've betrayed my mother, her faith, the sisterhood, everything." "And to whom?" "And why?" "I'll tell you why:" "Because you converted only for Ottoman power." "And the alternative?" "To be a lord without a fiefdom?" "My conversion was from the heart, and to protect you and my people." "is this how you protect us?" "Know your place." "Don't remain in purgatory." "For your own good." "Clearly, your faith has changed." "But now you are blind to evil." "With the assent of our Brothers, and consent of our Khan I welcome Pervane into the Brotherhood..." "And by the power vested in me as deputy acting on behalf of Orhan Gazi in Bursa, and with the agreement of Lady Holofira we hereby appoint Pervane Çandarlý Halil Bin Süllü superintendent of the finances and taxation of the khanate of Osman." "I am honoured to accept this sacred post in service of the Order." "If I may be permitted a small request:" "May Çoban and his men also be put at the city's service!" "At your discretion." "N ow, tell us of the innovations you bring, Pervane effendi." "The coffers must be kept full." "Tax must be collected from the marketplace landholders and carriage owners." "Tributes must be raised." "And the Brothers?" "The Order will be made a foundation, exempt from tax." "There's a new concept in Arab lands, called "bribery"." "It's the money paid by the people for state services." "The more services required, the greater the bribe." "Even gates closed to the sword fly open with the right bribe." "Sheikh, what is this urgent news?" "Tell me before I go..." "The secret of the stone has been found..." "The legendary secret of the Cretans?" "Exactly." "Two of our labourers have learned the secret." "Wonderful... lf Allah permits, portable minarets shall be taken on the next campaign." "Begin immediately." "Farewell..." "Let me introduce the master of the secret:" "Hajji lvaz Effendi." "I believe we've met... lf it isn't the good Hacivat, himself." "I heard you'd been flayed by the Mongol." "How wondrous!" "Wonderful indeed that my skin's intact." "And more wondrous still that none other than Judge Pervane is the sole survivor of the Fiefdom of Eþrefoðlu?" "However did you manage it?" "Perhaps I'll tell all to the Sheikh effendi..." "Don't trouble yourself, I've already told him." "Such a painful example to us all!" "So many lost." "Let's not scratch at old wounds." "So, you know the secret of the stone?" "The secret of the stone, the secret of water the secret of Eþrefoðlu!" "Even the secret of his sealed letter." "What does all this mean?" "Oh, it suddenly got so hot." "The jesting of old friends..." "A private joke." "Your jesting is known the city over." "But I hope the stone is no joke..." "The Order will give Karagöz one of the houses belonging to an official of the old regime!" "The rest is up to you!" "Leave it to us, but about payment..." "The minaret first, then drachma." "Some things catch on fast." "Bribery!" "That coward called Hacivat hasn't spoken to, or met Ayþe, has he?" "Well, he is fond of the ladies..." "Remember your concubines, and how he...." "Silence!" "Or I'll have you castrated!" "Sort this out, or you dance at the end of a rope." "But what about the letter?" "And he has the secret!" "The secret is not his; it belongs to that nomad with the club." "Bring me some wine, innkeeper." "Coming, coming..." "Hacivat, why the warm welcome... ls there anywhere we are not known?" "Here, the coin is yours." "From the theatron, for last night's performance." "Oh yes, the theatron!" "But aren't you a bit late?" "N ow run along." "But we need to talk... I'll be over in a bit." "I'll be expecting you... I'll be right along, go on..." "What was that about?" "Oh, a debtor, nothing important..." "What did you sell him?" "A cow?" "Off with you, I said." "We've come to share a toast!" "To celebrate your wealth!" "Isn't that the swindler?" "Sorry, no place to sit!" "Why don't you pull up a chamber-pot..." "Are you calling me a chamber-pot?" "Drink up, gentlemen!" "We brought chairs for itchy arses!" "May I join you?" "Your arrival has transformed our humble inn into a paradise, my lady." "Innkeeper, bring me some wine and I'll join in." "We watched you yesterday." "What a laugh." "Why don't they say something funny!" "It'd liven things up!" "I noticed something." "You weren't in jest; you were serious..." "Your discerning eye is matched only by your beauty..." "And the blades of your knives!" "In the play, you said you were Süleyman's envoy?" "Which play?" "Ah..." "Yes..." "The last envoy of the Eþrefoðlu fiefdom." "I witnessed the treachery myself." "What's your name?" "Jewels flow from the mouths of those who tread on treasure." "We send to your skirts the light of the legendary mountain of light:" "Koh-i-noor." "Our humble treasure..." "This Süleyman's a real flatterer!" "But we were told that Süleyman had cursed the Mongol." "Was it Pervane who switched the letters?" "Lady Ayþe, that letter belongs to me. I'd like it for safekeeping!" "Allow me to keep it safe. lf there's a scorpion trying to infiltrate I need to know." "N ow mind your heads." "Stay safe and good-bye." "Eh?" "Where are the coins?" "And we didn't get any for the minaret either." "The Order has arranged a house for you." "Make do for now." "Why did that man with the red beard give you coins?" "It's better you don't know just yet." "If it's better, fine." "So when the N omad pulled out his club, the Gentleman said:" ""We didn't kill her." "She died of natural causes."" "Everyone's talking about these two men." "Go on, back to work you wretches." "If my Orhan Ghazi were here, he'd love them." "What do you wish to tell me?" "Ladies, please leave us alone." "His Worship, the renowned Pervane, wishes to marry me." "He's both a judge and minister of state in charge of finances." "He'll make a fine match." "And we'll have access to the chambers of power my doe-eyed one." "Ouch, that hurts!" "And if I refuse him?" "Holofira, these men wish to disband the Sisterhood." "Let them." "And as for us, who can abolish us, my sweet..." "We're here to stay..." "But what if Pervane is not who you think?" "What if he's a traitor?" "What are you saying?" "You've heard of the Seljuk diamond..." "Koh-i-noor..." "What's that?" "Read it!" "Hear ye, hear ye!" "The Sun of Bursa, the Morning Star, our Orhan Bey is returning from campaign!" "Begin preparations!" "Rejoice, citizens at the return of your fathers and husbands!" "Hear ye, hear ye." "Something's just popped up for our Orhan Bey." "He's decided to conquer Karamürsel on the way back and will be delayed until tomorrow evening." "Or God knows when." "Giddyap." "So where's my cow?" "They ate her up and shat her out." "What are you saying?" "That Karagöz and Hacivat are to put on a show... ..in the presence of Orhan Ghazi?" "Exactly that." "He's a Turk, and has no taste, but still..." "Orhan Ghazi himself has requested it." "Of course, it could always be Hacivat and Dimitri." "That's impossible." "We're not a theatron company. I was kidding you." "You don't know what you're missing..." "What have we got to lose?" "There was this hermit who'd wander around with a deer, Geyikli Baba..." "Orhan Gazi liked him so much he gave him Uludað, that great mountain..." "Why didn't he give it to you?" "Applause is my reward." "Fame and renown." "There's no one more famous then you." "Yes but Karagöz wasn't acting." "He thinks it's real." "He'll be funny only if he doesn't know it's an act." "So it'll work just fine if he doesn't know." "These infidel houses always have the toilet inside." "Why?" "Why pile up your poo in the house when you can step outside?" "You never eat, so how can you poo?" "I don't poo, I just sit and think..." "Where to?" "Hacivat's waiting for me. I'm going to the construction site." "Work at this hour?" "You don't understand. lt's the festival of the moon." "A Muslim tradition." "See how big the moon is tonight." "Once a year, people work at night." "Why?" "So the moon isn't envious of the sun!" "It doesn't sound like a Muslim tradition to me..." "Hacivat says it is, so it must be true!" "He's educated." "He's going to teach me to count." "And to read." "Actually, he says reading isn't necessary, just writing." "Ah, my belly is aching. I was going to go to the merrymaking in the square tonight..." "What merrymaking?" "A comic show." "Two men make everyone laugh." "I'm in no mood to laugh, mama." "You go." "Why not?" "Are you unhappy?" "I never knew unhappiness..." "Until I found the woman I want to marry, mama." "I fell in love with her." "She doesn't know." "And what if she did?" "Who cares about your black-eyed boy?" "N o one even notices me." "The son's taking a fresh wife; he forgot his old mama." "The jinn said nothing about marriage..." "You..." "You're so beautiful." "You're mine!" "I... be my wife!" "Don't get me wrong." "Please let me say something." "Peace be on you... I want very much to marry you." "I'll make you happy." "Our Ghazi's come?" "The construction's a mess." "A wooden minaret!" "Calm down." "Our Ghazi hasn't arrived." "There's an evening entertainment..." "What entertainment?" "A comic show." "Everyone's here." "Alas, my theatron." "He won't come..." "He'll come..." "Whether he comes or not, the show must go on." "We'll go down in history." "Hacivat and Dimitri!" "Give me your hand... and I plunge it into my heart." "Give me your tongue... and I sing like a lark..." "Give me your teats... and I suck them like ripe grapes..." "Maybe not." "Why the long faces?" "Couldn't be bothered to thank the moon?" "Mama, Goldie up and died..." "Goldie, Goldie." "We grew up on your shit." "Has your ox got a tongue?" "Take that..." "Quiet." "Don't you appreciate art?" "Where's Karagöz?" "They're faking it. I've seen the real thing..." "It's different." "Doesn't that helmet belong to our Mengene?" "I'm not sure..." "You scared the wits out of me..." "What are you doing here?" "Get going to the ceremony..." "He's even better when he's angry." "Hit him hard!" "I want to have some fun!" "I want to have some fun!" "What are all these people doing here?" "Merrymaking..." "Ah... mama said there were two funny guys." "I'm not interested. I'm too angry." "What about?" "ln-laws tried to rob me right in the middle of the city." "Out-laws." "The city's full of them, summer and winter." "Look, I said, this isn't a lawless land; it's a fresh, new state." "You sure told them... I thought they were Pervane's new shavers..." "We're the arm of the state, one of them says." "Only an octopus has arms like that, I said." "But it seems they were really after mama's secret..." "What's your mama's secret?" "The identity of your real father?" "Well your father didn't tell you about your real mother." "She's a hen." "She laid you like an egg." "Why are you hitting me?" "That hurts." "I'm just getting you ready for what you're going to eat next." "And what am I going to eat?" "A fist!" "Karagöz, I have bad news for you." "Hey, stop laughing!" "Do you know why all these people are here?" "For a funeral..." "Whose funeral?" "Your mama's just departed..." "Where's she gone?" "To the sky-god..." "Mama, my mama..." "My dear, soft mama... crinkle-eyed mama..." "What am I without you?" "What are you laughing at?" "Get up..." "Get up." "What are you doing making such a fool of yourself?" "But they said you were dead, mama." "I brought you some pastrami, your favourite." "The show, black-eyes, I was just playing..." "N ow you better start praying... ldiot, what did you want with my mama?" "What if something had happened to her?" "Then what would you have done?" "Dimitri, come here." "Take it and get them new costumes, all right?" "The audience loves it." "Go on... I'll give you such a good..." "Just because we fought?" "Just because we fought." "We can do it again if you want..." "Do we get coin every time?" "We do." "One day, we might rule the roost." "Would you come to our table and share our wine?" "Go home!" "Ok, ok." "Hac...cav..." "You've had way too much to drink." "Riddle me this..." "Tell me who murders his offspring, without a care for their tears?" "Who?" "Father time. lt all starts off like a mirage caused by wine and ends inside an earthen robe!" "It flows and flows;" "I can never catch it." "Wine makes you a real sad-sack." "Come on." "Time kills all, but what can it do to shadows?" "You know what, I'm going to get rich and famous.." "...with an ignoramus like you." "Who'd have thought it?" "Karagöz." "Stop it." "I had a wonderful dream." "What'd you dream about?" "Fish...this many." "Two... two fish." "A grown man like you, and you can't count!" "What good is counting?" "You can bargain." "You can divide time and figure out life." "This is enough for me." "I'll teach you to count." "Look." "See the littlest finger..." "It's first. lt "won"... say "won"... lt won?" "This one "too"..." "Here's a "tree"..." "Three." "And a "fork"." "It tickles." "This is four." "And a "knife"..." "Won, too, tree, fork, knife..." "Won too tree fork, knife." "Thanks for teaching me." "I love you more than Goldie..." "won, too, tree, fork..." "Hey, I was sleeping..." "Why'd I go and teach you?" "Give me your hand!" "Ouch... stop it." "My hand, my hand..." "N ow we're blood-brothers." "United, like mama said." "You and your mama both!" "Woven from what?" "Wood?" "Enough already!" "Find yourself another tailor!" "If we're good, what'll we get?" "They hand out mountains." "What am I supposed to do with a mountain?" "They belong to everyone, anyway." "Yes, but we can subdivide it into lots later!" "You care only for Coin, not Art!" "Misak, call this Hacivat effendi. I've made the mould." "Pour out the minaret." "You summoned me..." "You're all they said, and more, Pervane..." "Sit." "You're too kind." "Whatever do you mean?" "This Süleyman was quite the poet." "The people were in despair." "We couldn't have sued for peace." "We lost a fiefdom, but saved a country. I had to write that letter." "That's not what you told us." "And the diamond Koh-i-noor?" "It was always my intention... to put it into the treasury of a worthy Khan!" "I'd be honoured to present it to the lady of Bursa!" "Pervane, I'm not happy with the Order." "They're meddling in everything..." "When the Sultan is away, the merchants aren't in charge, his consort is." "Merchants and shopkeepers compromise when profits are at stake." "Governments go, but merchants stay." "But there's no compromise when it comes to ruling." "Well spoken." "I appreciate wise men." "And I protect wise men." "Your letter is safe with me." "Be at ease." "When's the wedding, Pervane?" "Meaning..." "An Ottoman wife would suit you." "Family is sacred to the Turk." "Hey, brother." "Could you cut a stone?" "If it's not marble..." "I can." "Isn't it a shame to cut a gem like this?" "N ot at all." "It won't make too much noise, will it?" "Küþteri, how are we supposed to get anything done with these men?" "Hacivat, come and have a look." "Hear ye, hear ye!" "Orhan Khan has returned." "Come to the tower before evening prayers!" "Make ready..." "A mosque without a minaret, Sheikh?" "Hurry up." "To be born in Truth, one must first die." "Die, die, die." "This time, let's protect what's left of the stone so it doesn't end up in the Mongol's hand." "Otherwise, we'll be made fools of!" "What's the Mongol doing in Bursa?" "Pervane effendi, I heard you were the new jewel in Orhan Ghazi's crown." "Eredna, you scared the wits out of me. I thought you were Demirtaþ..." "Demirtaþ is no more..." "We had him delivered to the Caliph and they quartered him." "I'm the governor of Rome now." "You've no doubt come to thank Orhan Ghazi." "And there's a debt to clear up!" "A sparkling stone." "Koh-i-noor." "Koh-i-noor?" "Ah, that diamond!" "I've had it for safekeeping, just until you became governor..." "Actually, there are two." "The other one belongs to Orhan Ghazi." "Two?" "Twin stones!" "The Light of the Mountain, and the Light of the Sea." "So you've become a Muslim..." "Glory is Allah..." "Glory be to Allah." "Glory be to Allah." "Alawite or Sunni?" "Oh, I'll leave that to the experts." "Where's the twin stone from?" "Islam's a fine thing." "Good for you." "Purity." "I want some fun!" "Karagöz!" "And what's your idea of fun?" "Orhan Ghazi's arrived." "We're going to put on a show for him!" "Great!" "Lets go rehearse!" "Lu-Lu!" "Peanut!" "Everything went well..." "I've got some business to attend to ... in my tent." "Scribe, recite my conquests." "That should be about right..." "Why'd you call so many people?" "I'm leaving again first thing tomorrow morning!" "ZERBUTÇU, ERMEN Ý PAZARl, GEBZE...." "YALOV A" "Full of airs, and he's not even a proper artist yet." "They're bold." "Well, they say jesters are the true rebels." "Welcome, Lady Ayþe." "I'm not appearing in front of that scheming judge in these clothes." "I'd rather weep here with Karagöz." "What do clothes matter?" "You're the only one in the city who speaks the truth." "Get up and speak from the heart." "Speak from the heart?" "Lady Holofira knows everything about Koh-i-noor and Pervane." "Don't worry." "I'm so alone." "Don't worry, you're among friends." "Dimitri, is everything ready for the show?" "Put this on." "It'll smell, it'll smell." "Bring their clothes." "Oh, they're wonderful." "Which one's Karagöz's?" "l wish mama could see them." "My boy, my Karagöz." "He erected the minaret without his mama or the jinn." "They said he was ignorant but..." "My boy." "A bit too much water..." "But it'll do..." "Come on jinn." "Eredna, your conversion to Islam has pleased both me and the Land of Rome." "Welcome." "You bring us joy." "Orhan Ghazi knows everything now." "I'm off to watch Pervane's demise." "I'm coming to watch too..." "Hold on." "Get a grip on yourself." "Even an ox should know his place." "Says the fanciest ox around!" "Lord Orhan has come..." "Lady Ayþe, jewel of Bursa." "Head of the Sisters." "The heroism of the Sisterhood has reached our ears." "The battlefield has grown larger." "It's too great for these women." "The duplicity of men is too great for women." "Women shall have to find new arenas of combat." "Did Holofira give you the letter, my lord?" "What letter?" "Didn't she tell you what happened to the fiefdom of Eþrefoðlu?" "Sure." "Süleyman sent an insulting letter and a snake to Demirtaþ." "Why do you ask?" "Well, what if he actually sent an invaluable diamond and a letter recognizing the Mongol's sovereignty... I did say "if"..." "Of course, if that were true, there wouldn't be diamonds everywhere now." "And the Mongol wouldn't have attacked Eþrefoðlu fiefdom." "And we wouldn't have such a fine Judge like Pervane." "So, Orhan Bey..." "How right to insult the Mongol." "Well, good-bye then..." "Ayþe!" "What's that girl going on about?" "She's always been a strange child..." "Let the show begin!" "All you have to do is flatter your audience and insult each other non-stop." "What's that upstart Pervane still doing over there?" "The whole despicable lot is in on it!" "So, should I go on and reveal everything?" "There's no need. I'll explain everything..." "Oh!" "Leonnis!" "Kalispera." "So good to see you on your feet!" "But you look a bit pale..." "Good evening." "I bring greetings from the city of N icea." "Your invitation honours us." "So, that's the latest from N icea." "What's his name?" "Leonnis." "Poor thing." "He's a Pechenek." "A Christian Turk!" "The Byzantine fortresses are full of them." "But isn't N icea under siege?" "Yes, but they haven't surrendered yet." "is he a captive?" "He's a guest." "We're still negotiating terms." "Conquest through negotiation?" "A bloodless conquest is the most sacred!" "The city is without food." "We hear they're eating dogs." "Give them some wine and meat." "Maybe they'll come to their senses." "Dog meat's not bad if you prepare it right." "It's not forbidden;" "I asked." "N ow where are those cow-sellers?" "O Truth Eternal!" "Praise be to Allah for granting me a day like this one..." "Ah!" "The one who converted me when I have the chance to meet the most incredible man in the world." "I, who have been envoy for Caliphs and Kings." "Let me see..." "To date, I have carried letters to 16 sovereigns 43 kings and nine caliphs - eight of them impostors." "But never have I met such an exalted presence." "Leonnis the Great, I am honoured indeed to be in your presence!" "N ever has such a display of donkey stubbornness been seen or heard." "Be grateful the Ottomans even want your pitiful fiefdom and turn over the city immediately..." "Count your blessings." "Had the Mongol lain siege you'd be watching me now with your balls stuffed in your mouth." "Perhaps Orhan Effendi intends to hand your city to that majestic Mongol Khan over there..." "He called you "majestic"..." "You..." "Life is easy under the Mongol." "The only drawback is that he may chop off your manhood to make an example..." "But if you surrender to Orhan Ghazi a bit from the end is enough and your taxes are lowered." "The end of what?" "Some skin from the end." "The less foreskin you have, the lower your taxes..." "Whichever way we turn, we get skinned every time..." "Orhan Ghazi, may I tell you something." "I'd intended to do it later, but..." "The city of N icea is yours." "Long live the people of N icea." "See, he's come to his senses!" "That's the first time a city's fallen to buffoonery." "You've always wanted N icea." "N ow N icea is yours!" "I have to piss again..." ""Piss" is rude..." "Say "do number one"" "Welcome..." "So this is N umber One!" "Squat down somewhere." "Karagöz, and N umber Two is also here!" "N umber One, your papa's here..." "Squat down next to him..." "Don't sit side-by-side." "You'll stink the place up." "I don't understand these Brothers, Hacivat..." "What don't you understand?" "They stole stones from the mosque to build a toilet." "They even make money off people's shit." "So imagine I just left the toilet..." "The attendant says, "You shit a lot!"" "So tell him he's welcome to as much as he needs..." "You shit a lot, he said; that'll cost you extra." "He wanted fork coin." "Good!" "And then?" "We couldn't agree." "Who's to solve the argument?" "Call in the Head Janissary!" "Don't bother." "The Chief Janissary's already here." "The toilet attendant and the Chief Janissary are both Brothers." "So we're in deep shit no matter what..." "So the toilet attendant and Janissary haul you off to court." "A state hearing..." "You've got no business with the state." "You're ignorant." "You can't express yourself... I'm not finished." "You'll never finish!" "Have you still got to piss?" "I can hold it in." "But I know where l'm going to piss." "N ow as for the Judge..." "You need a little gift for him. lt's the new system." "N ow that's a judicious judge!" "It's time for us to do some emptying out of our own." "I want to be a Brother and wear a sash." "Ask "why?"..." "Why?" "To build my own Lodge with stones from the mosque." "I want to open up a super soup kitchen with the mosque eggs." "Raw eggs, boiled eggs, a few good eggs, but many bad eggs with egg on their faces, and some good eggs being egged on by the others..." "Don't count your chickens..." "Eggsactly." "Mosque eggs." "Mosque eggs." "So what'll you do when the mosque's finished?" "How true, what'll I do?" "You'd better pray it isn't." "Those two heads should roll..." "The Brothers say it's going well." "Küþteri, who's the mosque named after?" "You, sir." "So why isn't it finished?" "You sent word that you'd even have portable minarets ready for battle..." "God willing, the minaret will be done tomorrow morning." "Anyway, the same guys building the minaret are... I don't care who's responsible. I want to see a minaret, or heads will roll..." "Jinn, where are you?" "Why don't you windbags come?" "La-di-da, tra-la-la, Off we go to Bursa!" "Come on then, come on!" "Everyone's flocking to Bursa." "The streets are paved with gold." "It's not just the mosque stones that are as precious as gold." "I know all about those stones." "What do you say to that, Brothers?" "Stones for which Fiefdoms were sacrificed." "The more they're divided, the lower the value and the greater the sin." "I'd love a sliver of that stone." "They wouldn't give you one." "It's like pyramid selling." "From the bottom up." "Let's take turns at the top." "That's not why I want a sliver. I couldn't care less for bright stones." "I just want a piece for the woman I love." "Ayþe!" "Be mine." "Give me your hand." "Let's have babies and joy!" "You've ended the Sisterhood." "All women have lost." "And the men are triumphant in their defeat." "So it's time for me to choose a man." "Karagöz, your eyes are black, but your heart is pure." "I accept." "My hand is yours." "My wish came true." "Mama...." "By your leave, it's time to intervene." "In what?" "This theatron has gone too far." "I'm the state here." "Who do you think is Sultan?" "Tell me, is it a show, or for real?" "It's a play on reality, like all good stories." "Real or not, I'll give you her hand..." "Don't you realise the Brotherhood is threatened." "You call this a comedy?" "They called us thieves." "Good luck to Köse Michaels's new son." "N ow let them do the explaining." "Sheikh, what if heads really do roll..." "But Pervane effendi..." "Don't worry." "Where I come from, they say "a sheep for a sheep and a trick for a trick..."" "Hey eggheads, why are just sitting there." "It's not like they've stolen the minaret?" "Actually..." "There are these two con men." "N ot only did they steal the minaret, they made a cover for it." "They tricked the sacred Order by claiming to know the secret of the stone." "They took our gold and our honour." "We just received word that the plaster they used in the minaret didn't set... lt's running out onto the ground..." "Two men are to blame." "We in the Brotherhood didn't like to tell you." "Küþteri, Köse Michael... lt's true." "Do whatever needs to be done." "Holofira spoke highly of you." "My seal is yours." "And give the N omad and Hacivat land..." "May they multiply..." "Throw coins..." "That beats all..." "Ah, I feel much better." "Me too." "May I sing like a nightingale" "May I rest in the garden of friendship" "May I blossom like a rose" "N ever to fade anywhere else" "Love remedies all ills" "Love is my only path" "N ever be without love, even for a moment, says my Karagöz" "N ever be without love, even for a moment, says my Lady Ayþe" "Come to me at dawn." "She told me to come." "I've got to ask: did you kiss?" "N o...she told me to come to her at dawn... to come... early to her...." "You're a real laugh." "You entertained, you mocked, you even criticised the state!" "Secret of the stone, you said." "More like milking a stone dry!" "There's a mould around the minaret." "When you take it off, you'll find stone." "Oh no." "Your secret just ran away." "I just got this sudden craving for sheep's head soup." "Can't think why..." "Hey, where are you taking us?" "Don't." "Don't throw us in the fire." "Let us go..." "Mama..." "Look, they're all laughing at us. lt's nothing, Karagöz." "We're just kidding around!" "Hurry, there's a comedy!" "Help me, Holofira..." "What happened?" "They're executing Karagöz and Hacivat..." "They deserve it." "They went too far last night." "Won't you help?" "The order's from the top." "Orhan commands, his subjects obey." "Why?" "What harm did they do..." "Buffoonery is for the eyes of the Sultan only." "N o one jests about the Sultan or his people." "Stop, stop." "We confess..." "Stop!" "This man's a butcher." "He'll feed us to you." "Don't be fooled." "Just don't cut off our heads." "Take my legs, and take his arms." "We'd manage. I'd carry him and he'd wipe my arse..." "Pervane, you bastard." "If you're going to execute us don't humiliate us by leaving it to an amateur." "Screw our pride. lt hurts!" "This seems real..." "N o, they're forever playing the fool." "You've had enough heads." "Someone stop them." "Don't..." "Stop!" "I'll ask one last time:" "Where's this secret stone of yours, ha?" "There's no secret." "There's no spell. it doesn't work." "Orhan Ghazi was going to give us a mountain." "The ladies all smiled on us." "We were just playing around." "Don't you get the joke?" "Oh, yes." "Humour is a fist that wallops at will." "You never know where it will strike!" "But it was our joke, and it struck us." "You've got to know where to strike, or the joke's on you..." "Hey people of Bursa, come watch a morality play!" "May Allah forgive your sins..." "Muslim..." "You're not a Muslim..." "Stop!" "Stop!" "What is it?" "This ignorant nomad isn't Muslim." "Don't let him die an infidel." "I'm ignorant. I'm not Muslim." "I want to die a Muslim." "Repeat after me then:" "Eþþedü..." "Let me explain Islam to him first." "What's the hurry?" "Teach me how to pray. I want to perform my prayers..." "And we could take a pilgrimage to Mecca." "Really." "Enough!" "What's one less infidel, anyway?" "Send him on a hajj for charity's sake." "Don't worry, Karagöz." "You haven't got a belly button..." "You haven't lived, so can't die..." "We haven't got belly buttons!" "We haven't got a belly button." "We haven't got a belly button." "Ayþe!" "Let's divide time, Hacivat:" "Won!" "Won!" "Too!" "Tree!" "Fork!" "Knife!" "O Truth Eternal." "They had it coming." "They deserved it, really..." "Look son, this is what happens when little boys don't listen!" "Oh, Mother Kam!" "You said to make a wish." "Here it is:" "I wish that history repeats itself, that other wishes come true that other ways and answers are found." "I won't be needing this." "Wish me a clear path..." "The curtain is the world!" "The candlelight is the soul!" "And these puppets represent the flesh and blood of Man!" "When the soul-light illuminates them from behind their bodies become visible to this world..." "But when the light goes out, the body is lost and all that remains is a void!" "Now let me tell you the tale of the N omad and the Gentleman without belly buttons:" "Karagöz and Hacivat..."