"You are so good." "What?" "You." "Just good?" "Oh, you feel like shooting for great?" "I feel I have been shooting for great." "Yes." "Yes." "Four..." "Actually five." "Five." "Five." "Do you think that six would violate some law of physics I don't know about?" "Is this why they called you "Sparky" as a kid?" "Yeah, Alex, it's my unquenchable sexual appetite at age seven." "You see, kids can be very cruel." "I knew you had an intriguing childhood." "Seriously, where did the nickname come from?" "Ohh!" "I don't even know why I ever mentioned it." "See, this-- this is surplus pep." "Are you, like, doing the diner scene from When Harry Met Sally?" "You give my acting ability far too much credit." "Good." "Good." "Good." "I am so lucky, you know that?" "You're a great cuddler." "What did you just call me?" "A cuddler." "Oh no." "No, no." "You don't call me that." "No?" "Whatcha gonna do about it?" "I'll show you." "Uh, neighbourhood voyeur." "I, uh..." "I should be getting upstairs." "Bye." "If you really were a god you'd have a lot better timing than that." "That's what second dates are for." "There will be a second date?" "No comment." "No comment?" "You live with the God of Love and you're not even willing to suckle at the teat of my wisdom." "Listen, I asked her out on my own terms, okay." "There are no beads for you here." "I'm not gonna be a part of your hundred couples." "So do me a favour by keeping your Cupid ass outta my love life." "I don't know if the family business will survive without your patronage but we're gonna give it a shot." "You talk the talk but I can't recall hearing the squeaks of springs coming out of your room." "That is a conscious decision, my friend." "I could have this place looking like the junior prom on Ecstasy if I wanted." "What's holding you back?" "The prime directive." "explains why you won't let me borrow your phaser." "Not Star Trek." "Memo from Zeus" " No shagging the livestock." "And by livestock you mean...?" "Mortals." "Count to ten." "Admit it." "You're making this up as you go along." "The Greek Gods were always slipping off the mountain to make it with the farmer's daughter." "To the Bacchanal that once was." "It is not that way anymore." "If I make it with a human I lose my immortality." "End of story." "So, if you slip suddenly you become Trevor Hale, bartender." "Trevor Hale, chronically depressed five thousand year old bartender, yeah." "Well, you know what they say about people who peel the labels off of beer bottles." "We're a dexterous lot?" "This omniscience of yours, kinda comes and goes, doesn't it." "Do you know how happy I am right now?" "I think I have a pretty good idea." "Do you have any plans for Saturday?" "No, but I thought it was your" ""He-man, woman-haters" club getaway weekend?" "You know, college football, tailgating, um, poker, arm wrestling, tobacco chewing, chest hair comparing..." "Lunch at Hooters." "Yeah." "It was." "What?" "Did it get cancelled?" "Not exactly." "Well?" "Don't make me say it." "Say what?" "I'd rather stay in town... with you." "Oh." "That's great, Alex." "Y'know, there's this flea market I've been dying to..." "Don't make me regret it." "Okay, never mind." "the weather's gonna hold through till tomorrow so we should do this again." "Yeah, we should." "No we can't." "Trevor found this totally authentic gyro stand and I told him we'd check it out." "For someone with a boyfr as pliable as yours, you spend an awful lot of time with this guy and a less secure man could get jealous." "Of Trevor?" "!" "Yeah." "I appreciate the sentiment, but you have nothing to worry about." "Why?" "Uh..." "He's a patient." "Well, no not exactly a patient." "He was released from Lakeview and placed under my supervision." "We don't have regular sessions, or anything." "He's just a bit deluded." "Deluded how?" "He thinks he's Cupid." "Cupid?" "Well, he did introduce us." "What, you're not saying... you really... well, I mean, he did kinda introduce us..." "I'm seeing you anyway..." "But he's not Cupid." "He could be." "No, I don't think so." "Leather Tuscadero?" "I can't believe it." "Don't you remember?" "Junior high, spin the bottle parties?" "Hello?" "Oh my god!" "Carmine!" "Carmine Raguso!" "Ohh!" "The Big Ragu." "Yeah." "Come on." "Hey, you know, I've always been sorry we never had those three minutes alone in the closet." "Three minutes would not have been enough." "I'd needed three weeks!" "You don't exactly look like you went to Vassar." "How'd you learn to spot the loser dance?" "Well, you did not look like you were having a good time with Bluto out there." "God, was I that obvious?" "Crickets trapped in fruit jars have exuded more joy." "Besides, the flailing "L" kinda sealed the deal." "Frightening." "I don't think you two belong together." "Really?" "You make these decisions all on your own." "Who belongs with whom." "Part of the job." "Really?" "I thought your job was getting me a drink." "Anything in particular?" "I am really in the mood for a screwdriver." "Only because you asked so nicely." "So, saving you from the walking grope and buying you this drink earns me a name." "It's Helen." "Helen Davis." "Helen." "I knew a Helen once." "Beautiful face." "Bit of a trouble maker, though." "Alright, let's see, the best place?" "Yeah." "Inside of the Parthenon, no doubt." "Amazing lady." "Amazing atmosphere." "The Parthenon?" "Yes." "In Greece." "Yes indeed." "That's impressive." "Well..." "They watch over that place very closely." "A couple of my college roommates tried to throw a rave there once." "Yeah?" "It didn't go over so well on the local authorities." "Well, this was a while ago." "Security wasn't so tight." "What about you?" "Best place?" "Pick-up truck?" "Gas station bathroom?" "Oh stop it." "Come on, you're flattering me... 50-yard line?" "Golf course?" "Which was it?" "You're flattering me here." "Actually, I was on a raft." "A raft?" "In the lake." "I was nineteen, swimming with Corbin Larson." "Oh, a perfect night." "There was this huge meteor shower, like, shooting stars everywhere." "I saw this one... it must have burned for ten seconds." "Finally, I broke the silence by saying..." "Ha!" "God!" "I'll never forget this." ""The long slow ones are the best."" "You are correct." "And...?" "And?" "Oh, well, Corbin Larson proved me right." "Good work, Corbin." "Okay people!" "Finish 'em up!" "Don't care where you go but..." "You can't stay here!" "how long is it going to take you to clean up and get out of here?" "I mean, it's a little cold to skinny dip, but maybe we could... you know." "The Kappa Alpha males back there are getting very clingy with their pitcher..." "So, I--I can't... there's no way of telling how long I'll be here." "Well, if I ever make it to the Parthenon, I'll look you up." "Okay." "Okay." "All right." "Hey." "Sorry, it was last call." "No, no, no." "I don't need another drink." "Tell me everything you know about him." "Where does he live?" "Where does he hang out?" "What does he like for breakfast?" "What's his name?" "Someone told me that if you put a marble in a jar each time you have sex during the first year of a relationship and then take one out each time you have sex after that first year you never run out of marbles." "It sounds like an urban myth to me, Tina." "Oh." "Are you concerned that sexual frequency will subside in a long term relationship?" "No, I'm worried that I didn't get enough during the first year." "What would you say is an average amount?" "Uh, well that varies from couple to couple." "Ah, and when forced to choose an actual digit of new relationship sexual frequency, our relationship expert said...?" "Well, I don't like the word "average", but in a new relationship I'd guess... eight maybe ten times a week wouldn't be too much of a stretch." "Eight to ten?" "!" "The above average test group is now receiving oxygen and unavailable for comment." "Well, I guess that could be a little high." "What about your new relationship, Claire?" "You losing your marbles?" "My marbles are none of your business, Trevor." "So it's tell all hour for everyone in here except for the only one who has anything to tell." "Hey, I resent the accuracy of that statement." "Then go out, you, everyone and exercise your option to have sex." "Would that be the telephone option or the inflatable option?" "Love is war, you guys,and this room is Switzerland." "Sounds like someone's not getting any." "Correct sir!" "Neither are you or anyone else in here, but you all can go get some." "No, he's got a point." "A couple of weeks ago, to build up my confidence, I enrolled in this class that teaches this technique called "Sure Score", and the things I've seen are mind-blowing." "Well, it's more like drug free Rohipnol." "I wrote an article about it a couple years back." "Some of it is pretty disturbing stuff." "I haven't actually used the Sure Score technique, yet." "I figured I could use all the advice I could get then figure out what the right thing was for myself." "Some of the tactics are borderline." "It involves a lot of mental suggestion and subliminal imagery and sexual innuendo." "You hypnotize women?" "Cool!" "Michael." "So, you're carrying around a magic wand, right, and yet you're not even the least bit curious as to what happens when you bonk someone over the head with it?" "Mostly I'm still trying to figure out how it works." "Trial and error, mi amigo, trial and error." "Right there." "Is there a woman behind the jewelry?" "Definitely." "What?" "Now?" "No, no, let's wait till we're all a little bit older." "Yeah." "All right." "Uh, excuse me?" "I noticed you sitting here by yourself and" "I knew I had to come and talk to you." "I'm Sam." "I just feel there's this bond between you and I." "Check this out." "Trevor, I'm busy here." "See the guy down there chatting up the talent?" "See, he's using this technique he learned in some class." "It better be pretty good because he's using it on the Frigid Heiress." "That girl's sent many a soldier home in a body bag." "Well, if my boy can conquer Iceland over there" "I'll train a whole battalion of them." "My days on Earth will be numbered." "Wait a minute, I thought your ticket home depended on true love not just one night stands." "The way to a man's heart has very little to do with his stomach." "Well, that was pretty quick, buddy." "Usually she wrings a drink outta ya before shipping you out." "Her number?" "Time to find a new room- mate." "I'm going home." "That's good work." "Nice meeting you." "Hey, Trevor!" "Hey!" "You live around here?" "Not for long, no." "What's with the chart?" "We take our neighbour- hood watch very seriously around here." "You're not in here." "Some fitness kick you got goin'?" "Nah, it's a new route." "What, are you protecting the neighbourhood from psychotic joggers?" "Just doing my job." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Hey Big Man." "One more time around, all right." "What?" "Why?" "Two hundred calories isn't reason enough?" "Let's go!" "Feel the burn, purple man!" "That a friend of yours?" "Just may be, yeah." "So, what's the upside of jogging, by the way?" "Near as I can see it's just an excuse to cruise the park in too little clothing." "Oh, spandex a little to risqué for you?" "No, I was actually referring to" "Cannon Ball Run over there." "He needs to put more clothes on." "Well, I'm actually training for a marathon." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "It's a myth, the marathon." "No one actually ran the whole thing." "Oh, really?" "The ancient Greeks?" "Cheated." "Stashed the horses outside the palace." "Gave them a few extra hours of personal time." "Which they used for...?" "The usual:" "making baklava, building wooden horses, deflowering the flowers." "Oh." "Dedicated guys those messengers, huh?" "Boom." "What..." "Oh, nice doggie." "What's his name?" "Rex." "What's yours?" "Trixie." "She's a good girl." "Locker combination?" "No." "Look familiar?" "It's your address." "Look, I--I got to go shower." "Hopefully my roommate used up all the hot water by now." "Ohh." "I'll see you around." "Okay." "Bye, bye." "Okay." "Bye." "See ya." "Starts with post-it notes, before you know it you're onto the hard stuff." "Glue sticks, felt pens." "God almighty." "Finally!" "Some respect." "It's an invitation." "Hoping for a little eau de upstairs neighbour." "You gonna thump her melons?" "Thump her melons?" "Who are you?" "Anthony Michael Hall?" "Well, I guess that's a no." "If you don't get busy soon, we'll use you to appease the volcano gods." "You're a bit early there, tiger." "Sorry pumpkin-pie, traffic was light." "If you need to finish getting dressed I can watch." "Trevor, it's not a good time." "I am running late, as it is." "You said I was early." "You are early." "I'm late." "Wait a minute." "You are neither early or late." "What you are is..." "unexpected." "Uninvited." "Under appreciated." "Undeterred." "Unflappable." "Unctuous." "Underwear-less." "Uncle, okay." "Trevor, why are you here?" "I need your advice." "I'm closed." "I bet the observation deck at the Sears Tower is still open." "For introspection or this just a veiled threat to throw yourself off?" "Which ever gets your undivided attention." "Throwing myself off would be pointless." "Immortal, remember?" "Oh yes, of course." "Move." "Move." "Move!" "Again please move the feet." "Look, Trevor..." "Yes." "If you are seriously asking for my advice" "I am more than willing to listen." "Here's the thing, I'm supposed to be making it possible for people, present company unaccepted to fornicate like pornstars." "Meanwhile, I'm getting forearms like Popeye..." "Okay, clearly you are not being serious." "Dumbbells." "Dumbbell curls." "What are you, handcuffed to your sofa?" "I wish." "This is my worst drought in several thousand years." "Do you know how hard it is to have women throwing themselves at your feet and for you to be unable to accommodate them?" "There's a prescription for that now." "Here, make yourself useful." "Which shoes?" "It's all Zeus' fault." "Gallivanting around the country like some horny version of Manimal." "One bad experience with Catherine the Great, cuts the rest of us off." "Red pumps." "Look, Alex is gonna be here any now." "And we're meeting people for dinner in half an hour." "That's nice." "Where are you going?" "Shut up." "All right" "Hey." "Hey." "How are you?" "Good." "Trevor?" "We're having a little heart to, uh, cardio-muscle." "Great." "So, Trevor was just leaving." "You ready?" "Yeah, I was just gonna wander around." "Do some dumbbell curls." "Hey, look if you need to stick around, we can do dinner another time." "You're a good egg,DeMuoy." "No, Alex, it's fine, really." "No, if you're in the middle of counselling..." "No." "Not in the middle of anything." "It's over." "You don't gotta tell me twice." "All right, kids." "I don't wanna cramp your style." "Shotgun!" "Go away." "So he turns to her and says, "If you don't leave right now, you'll have to get a ride with Senator Kennedy."" "She's special." "She rode that school bus, huh?" "So, you gonna use the magic words?" "No, with Alice I'm going to take Dr. Allen's advice." "I'm gonna treat her with respect." "Establish common ground." "Impress her with my sincerity." "Great." "Maybe for those six months she shacks up on the Oasis tour bus, she'll let you dog sit for her." "That'd be nice for you, you know." "Let's get outta here." "I don't wanna be late." "See ya." "We're gonna go over this and over this until it's a reflex." "The three major points of the first meeting:" "1) Eye contact." "Never break it." "Your target's eyes are all you see." "2)Touch." "Type this-Don't be afraid to touch her." "Be smart." "No erogenous zones in the first five to ten minutes but hands, upper arms... her stomach, okay." "3) Vocabulary." "What she doesn't know you're saying is the key." "The power of suggestion." "Does she like classic movies?" "Ask her if she wants to see Shaft..." "So you're telling me that these guys get dates?" "Oh yeah." "They get more than dates, Trevor." "Can you imagine this stuff in the hands of non- repulsive men." "Hey!" "Oh, no offense." "Can I help you?" "Ahem, my lady, I humbly request the honour of your presence at my table tomorrow evening." "I would be pleased should you find yourself at liberty to attend." "Bitchin'!" "And why don't you drop by for a couple of brewskies before we chow." "T'would be my pleasure." "Six thirty?" "Six thirty it is." "Lancelot." "Alice." "Sam." "Cappuccino?" "I'm not catching you at a bad time, am I?" "Bad time?" "I'm not invading your personal space, right?" "I was just wondering," "I just got these tickets from work, it's sort of a last minute kinda thing and, well," "I know how much we both like music and they're for the symphony and I thought maybe you'd like to come... tonight... to the concert." "I think it's Mozart." "Sam, you know I'd really love to but, um..." "I already have plans tonight." "See, Donna and I are going out." "She just broke up with her boyfriend and she's not taking it real well, so..." "I'm sorry to hear that." "Maybe some other time." "Yeah, sure." "See ya." "Bye, guys." "Hey, Sparky." "Oh." "You have no idea how happy I am" "Trevor just heard you call me that." "Wow, you know what Big Al," "Sparky and I were just about to be in the middle of something, so..." "You know, I read your article today about the blind woman that won the lottery." "You didn't think it was too sad?" "No, I cried." "You did?" "Yeah." "You know what kids, I'd love to stick around but I promised a couple of skate buffs that I would tag a few L-stops." "Wanna come along?" "No." "Hey, Trevor." "Hey, Kreskin." "Missed you in the big funhouse tonight." "Well, I wasn't really in the mood." "I asked Alice out." "It didn't go particularly well." "Of course it didn't." "That's what you get for believing in Dr. Claire Allen." "Time to use those magic words." "Yeah, I don't know about that, Trevor." "Don't know about what?" "Well, it occurs to me that, the Sure Score thing, it may not be quite honest." "Honest." "Of course it's not honest." "You don't understand the concept of the early stages of a relationship." "People lie, people forget their friends, people break the Hippocratic Oath." "All right, you see Cameron Diaz in a keg line, what's the first thing you do?" "Rub my eyes?" "You give her a little harmless truth enhancement." "Truth enhancement?" "Sure score!" "You tell her you cried at the end of Charlotte's Web..." "I did cry at the end of Charlotte's Web." "You leave the word "assistant" off your job title." "You break the ice." "She'll get to know the real you later, all right." "I'm freezing." "I'm going in to get my coat." "When I come out, you're in that coffee shop." "Sure Score, baby!" "Somebody order a pizza?" "Oh my god." "Aren't you supposed to be at the symphony?" "I mean, those tickets, right?" "Shhh." "I feel like there's this bond between you and I." "I mean, a bond." "You felt something like that before, right?" "Maybe when you were a child you had stuffed animals, right?" "Sure." "Tons." "Okay." "And you had a favourite." "Yeah, a bunny." "A bunny." "Frederique." "I had this french thing." "I had this demented mouse thing." "It was really a pillow with the ears and eyes and a tail and that was it." "George." "Like Frederique." "You'd whisper your secrets and desires into his ears." "You buried your nose in his downy belly and you wrapped yourself around him and you slept with him and it made you feel good." "Safe." "And protected, right?" "That's all I want you to feel." "Right there." "Right there." "Right there." "Why couldn't you have sent me back to Earth during Victorian times?" "Trevor!" "Helen!" "Hey, whatcha you got under there?" "Strangely enough, it's a Deputy Dog costume." "Hmmm, kinky." "Training for the marathon?" "Yeah, but the real kind, like the Greeks." "I've stashed my Pinto and" "I'm looking to make some baklava." "See now, it sounds dirty when you say it." "See, it's supposed to." "You gonna invite me up?" "You're welcome here any time," "I just would have to kick out an entire battalion of girl scouts first." "So many badges, so little time." "Rain check then." "Rain check." "See ya." "See ya." "Hey, Sparky." "If you're gonna insist on doing embarrassing things in public, you might want to think about these fun little inventions called "locks"." "Should I lob self-deprecating, set-up lines to you, or would you prefer just to riff on your own." "You know what, you've given me more than enough material, but now that I've seen you naked, my repertoire has expanded, immensely." "You haven't seen anything, Trevor." "I saw your mole." "Okay, fine." "What, are you here to mock me?" "No, I'm actually here because" "I haven't gotten an apology from you." "An apology?" "Yeah, you know, starts off with "I'm sorry"" "and then it goes on to explain your understanding of the offense in question." "Offense in question?" "Yeah." "Look, Trevor..." "I am embarrassed that you walked in on Alex and me and I guess I am sorry that it happened, but I don't see where an apology comes in." "Love is about heat, right?" "Who told me that?" "Oh wait, wait!" "I remember." "It was you!" "Okay?" "Well, I got the heat now, Trevor." "You of all people should be happy for me." "And I can't understand why you're not thanking your lucky stars that you're one bead closer to getting me out of your life." "Impressive speech." "Really, but that's not actually why I'm here." "I was wondering why you told" "Clark Kent all about my medical history." "Well, Alex thought..." "I didn't want Alex to think that you and I... in any..." "I..." "That's a hell of an apology." "Eye contact is key and your words, you want to plant a few things that have a little innuendo, maybe tell her a sailor story." "Something where you can possibly mention knob polishing." "Ask her to swab your deck." "How many times do I have to tell you" "I do not want your help." "And don't be afraid to touch her." "You'll be my minion, my love soldier." "Look, are you sure you're gonna be gone when I get back." "I know you're interested but this is not a spectator sport." "Like there'd be anything to watch, anyway." "All right, I've never done this before, okay, so if it's awful just try and humor me." "All right." "Trevor." "Oysters?" "Hey, there he is." "Managed to unpeel yourself, did ya?" "Just for a bit." "How often you guys been going at it 'cause, lately," "Claire's been glowing like Bacchus on a new bottle of Grappa." "Can't complain." "What about you?" "Guy like you has to have something going on, somewhere." "Are you kidding me?" "Gals love to take the mentally ill home to mom." "Come on." "All work and no play makes Trevor..." "Hostile." "You ever think she might be faking it?" "Sixty percent of women do." "Look, Trevor, I came down here because Claire and I are in a relationship." "You are a friend of hers, so I thought..." "Who's term is that? "Friend"?" "Yours or hers?" "Because I know relationship is definitely hers." "What I'm trying to say is..." "She wants you to treat her psychotic hang-around like a regular guy instead of the whacked out sap that you see me as." "You know, frankly I don't give a damn whether you believe you're Cupid or" "Eleanor Roosevelt or an overripe tangerine." "All you really do is come off as a poor jealous bastard." "Jealous?" "Yeah." "You don't like me." "Fine, fine." "Actually that makes perfect sense but don't go pretending it's because I know your mental history." "See, what's crawling up your ass has nothing to do with me except that I'm the guy getting what you want." "Which is what?" "Oh, you think about it." "I'm going home and crawl into bed with my girlfriend." "She allergic to shellfish?" "I believe these are yours." "You seemed to have left them in the middle of my dinner." "Come on, you remember." "Mine was the one not designed to make me look like" "I ordered my life from the Titillating Tidbits catalogue." "There are some good items in that catalogue." "There's the edible handcuffs that make for tasty bondage." "You know what?" "Chris was a little put off by walking into the world according to Hefner." "I tried to tell her it was all the doings of my misguided roommate but somehow that didn't go over very well." "Excuse me for trying to do a friend a favour." "I was doing just fine, Trevor!" "You're doing great." "I love that chastity belt on you." "And you know how much I appreciate fashion advice from lunatics." "Last night, at the Sugar Shack, this former" "Miss Teen Fitness paid me for a lap dance." "Excellent." "Congratulations my friend." "You dogs are on a roll!" "Anyone else a winner?" "Yep." "I'm the big winner this week." "There was this woman that I liked... really liked." "Hot body." "Great face." "I worked her, boy I pulled out every trick in the book." "Tossed out all the catch phrases." "Made eye contact." "That's right, comrades, I got her thinking about sex." "This morning when I woke up, her limbs were wrapped around me." "But there was a problem." "I couldn't look her in the eye." "You know why?" "Cause I could never be with someone who would fall for someone as pathetic and desperate as me." "Hi, it's Claire." "Leave a message." "Hey, Dr. Allen, I just thought you should know" "I'm planning a breakthrough." "I have found a lovely young lady with whom I feel a deep emotional connection." "Not only will this scratch a very deep itch, it sets certain people's minds at ease on a number of issues." "It makes you today's big winner." "A full three hours of personal bliss and I am cured." "That's right." "No more immortality, no more beads, no more Cupid." "End of delusion and thanks to you." "So, I thought I should call and say congratulations." "Hey." "I've got my rain check." "Come on in." "Like the night of cloudless climbs starry skies" "And all that's best of dark and bright" "Meet in her aspect and her eyes" "Thus mellows to that tender light" "Which heaven to gaudy day denies" "One shade the more, one ray the less" "Had half impaired the nameless grace" "Which waves in every raven tress Or softly lightens o'er her face" "Where thoughts serenely sweet express how pure" "How dear their dwelling place" "and on that cheek, and o'er that brow" "So soft... so calm, yet eloquent" "The smiles that win, the tints that glow" "But tell of days of goodness spent" "A mind at ease with all below A heart whose love is innocent" "Oh no." "We can't take your call at the moment but if you leave your name, number, educational background, preferred pet, titles of the last three CDs you purchased and the name of the celebrity you most resemble, you'll be glad you did." "This thing have a do not disturb button?" "Trevor, it's Claire." "Listen, a couple of things, one, I wanted to apologize about what I told Alex." "That was wrong of me." "Two, regarding your call, I think it's a great thing, finding a girlfriend might be exactly what you need." "As for this cured thing, I'll believe it when I see it." "And I will see you again." "But this is definitely a positive step." "Oh, and Trevor, remember to lock the door." "Bye." "Well, I don't know who that was on the phone, but she definitely took the wind out of your sail." "Hey, it's not such a big deal..." "It wasn't her." "It's not about her." "I just..." "I really..." "I need to go home, okay." "I have to go home, that's what I have to do." "You are home." "What?" "!" "I thought this was your home." "This is not my home." "This is not my home!" "This is Chicago!" "You can't have sex!" "You can't drink the wine!" "Chemicals all over the fruit!" "Okay, look, Trevor, I don't know what's going on." "I have absolutely no reason to be here." "You know, frankly..." "There's no reason for me to be here." "I don't know if I understand this, really." "You know, I can't." "I can't do this, okay." "I have to go home." "Okay, well, you know, thanks." "Claire?" "Yeah?" "Put it down." "What?" "Oh, come on." "I'll tell you why they called me Sparky as a kid." "Oh." "Okay." "Now, no one hears this." "When I was little, I loved jolting my tongue with a 9 volt battery." "That's it?" "!" "Yeah, I loved the tingle." "Yeah?" "Now tell me, what could possibly replace the thrill of a 9 volt battery now?" "Well, I'd have to say it's you." "You know." "Claire?" "Mmmm." "Mmmm." "Claire." "Mmmm." "Claire?" "What?" "I can't do this again." "You know, this really is the best part of sex." "Afterwards." "I just feel like there's this bond between you and me." "And this bond, it's happened to you before, right?" "I mean, you lie there." "Enveloped by your warm bed." "The soft, silky sheets caress you." "And every time you move, the sensations sort of explode." "And Alex, that's just what I want you to feel."