"but I was bit of a late bloomer." "Yes, my wonder years began way back in 1994, at the tender age of 32." "Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY" "Oh, morning, Glen." "How are you?" "Oh, not bad." "How about you?" "How's work?" "How's your mom?" "Still with your boyfriend?" "Um... yeah." "Personal record, you know, two whole weeks, whoo!" "Ho-ho, yay." "Oh, how's your girlfriend?" "Huh?" "Um, oh, didn't you tell me that you were dating a ma tssage therapist?" "Right!" "Right, right, right right, right, right, right!" "Oh, yeah..." "Giselle." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Oh, Giselle's fine." "Giselle's great." "Giselle's taking a pottery class." "Giselle." "Oh." "Yeah." "Uh, Josh here?" "Uh, no, he just left with a friend." "(laughing):" "No, seriously, is he upstairs?" "Uh..." "No, he met someone at school the other day." "He was so excited, God, he said it's the first time he's ever had a cool friend." "Oh, that is so adorable." "You know, not too many people know this, but the part of libidinous barkeep Sam Malone almost went to Jimmy Woods." "(weak laughter)" "Who?" "Right." "You would probably know him as James." "Actually, uh, it was" "William Devane who almost got cast." "Or should I say Bill?" "Hey, Glen." "Hey, man." "We still on for lunch today at Mickey D's?" "That's jive for "McDonald's."" "Huh." "Sorry." "I'm helping Murray run lines at school." "He's Willie Loman." "When the play opens, attention will be paid." "(exaggerated laughter)" "What about tonight?" "Are we still on to go see the movie?" "Oh, um, me and Murray are going to see Nell." "But we were supposed to go see..." "I hear Jodie Foster gives a very, very brave performance." "I hear she cheated her way through Yale." "Huh." "Maybe that was Brooke Shields, I don't know." "It was somebody." "GLEN:" "It's never fun to be a third wheel, especially at the formative age of 32." "So, I brought my own friend to see John Hinckley's girlfriend go," ""* Tai, tai, chickapie, chickapie. *"" "(chuckling):" "Oh, wow." "She makes Marlee Matlin sound smart, am I right, buddy?" "(chuckling)" "Shh!" "Have some sensitivity, sir." "The woman is being raped." "Oh." "Son of a gun." "What, is she raped in every movie?" "You-- look." "Behave, mister." "Don't make me call the usher." "Oh-ho, I am shaking." "All right, that's it." "Usher!" "Usher!" "Hey!" "Kindly remove this peon." "He's disturbing me and my friend." "Right?" "Right?" "Yeah, he is kind of taking us out of the whole movie." "Yeah, that and Liam Neeson's "American" accent." "(snickering)" "(laughs aloud)" "Oh..." "You do realize last night you behaved estupider than Nell." "What were you thinking, my friend?" "I don't know, it's just..." "Well, first the woman I love gets a boyfriend, and now my best friend's found somebody else, too." "Perhaps you'd feel better if you made a new friend, too, huh?" "Listen, um..." "I know where this is going, and I must respectfully decline." "You see, last night was a fluke." "Miguel's plate is full with his many women... and various charities." "But keep looking, huh?" "Keep looking." "Hey." "Hey, you." "Where's your better half?" "Uh, I don't think you'll be seeing David around here anymore." "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry." "You two were together eons." "Is it okay if I nail him?" "Teasing!" "Uh, can you recommend a comedy?" "I kind of need a laugh." "What about Sister Act?" "Oh, sorry, you said "comedy."" "You know, try Captain Autism over here." "He knows every movie by heart." "He has a very full life." "Excuse me, can you recommend..." "Addams Family Values." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, it's fun and frothy with stellar performances by Raul Julia and Joan Cusack and a delicious cameo by David Hyde Pierce." "(snaps fingers)" "Oh, uh, Niles on Frasier, right?" "Yeah." "Wow, th-that's my second favorite show." "After Wings." "You want to go to a movie Saturday night?" "Wow, you work fast." "Sure." "Okay." "Oh, I mean, the Bills kicked ass last week." "Jim Kelly was on fire." "Oh, my God," "(falsetto):" "I love Jim Kelly." "Don't we all?" "Everything okay, cowboy?" "Oh, no, it's..." "it's nothing." "It's just, David and I used to come here a lot." "Who's David, a friend of yours?" "My best friend." "Or so I thought." "Yeah, I thought Josh was my best friend." "But the other day, he acted like he didn't even know me." "Uh-huh." "Met somebody else?" "Yeah." "The actor." "(groans)" "Oh-ho-ho, actors." "Mm..." "(blows raspberry)" "Yeah." "Glen, you deserve a lot better... friend than Josh." "You've got a lot to offer." "Oh, my God, aren't you sweet?" "Oh, no, no, no." "Allow me." "Okay." "I was just reaching for a moist towelette, but thank you so much." "(flat): "To be or not to be, that is the question." ""Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer" ""The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."" "Um, could you stop reading the phone book and start reading the play?" "!" "I've seen better acting in Les Uns et Les Autres." "It's a French film not known for its acting." "Ha, ha." "All right." "Yeah, well, then that is funny." "You cool kids and your biting sense of humor!" "Hey, you boys want some cookies?" "Not to frighten you or anything, but I made them myself." "(exaggerated chuckle)" "Oh, Alison, you have the timing of a young Markie Post." "(polite chuckle)" "(phone ringing)" "Oh..." "Hello?" "Oh, hi." "Okay." "Josh, it's for you." "Is it Glen?" "No, it's your history teacher." "You left two of your inhalers at school." ""When my customers stop smiling, it shall be the death of this salesman."" "Oh, (bleep)." "GLEN:" "* It's Pat *" "(falsetto):" "* It's Pat!" "*" "You are in a good mood, Goldilocks." "Did you up your Zoloft?" "(chuckling):" "No." "No, same dosage." "No, I made a new buddy, right here in the store!" "His name's Terry." "You do realize he's gay?" "What?" "No, he's not." "He likes football." "Oh, I see." "So gay people don't like football?" "Ye-Yeah, that's right." "Fascinating." "And what do they like?" "Oh, uh, okay, they like, uh, Barbie dolls, ballet, figure skating, antiques, cinnamon toast, tea sets and doilies and Hogan's Heroes." "Wait, you're gay." "Shouldn't you know this?" "I must've missed a meeting." "You guys have meetings?" "Okay, okay, if he's "gay,"" "then why is taking me to the Liza Minnelli concert tonight?" "I mean, hello, Liza Minnelli, the piece of ass from Arthur!" "(chuckling)" "Wow, that was amazing!" "Yeah." "I can't believe she pulled me up onstage to dance." "(chuckling)" "God, I feel like Courtney Cox." "Yeah, well, the way Liza's been packing on the pounds," "I wish she was dancing in the dark." "(laughing hysterically)" "(both sighing)" "Listen, that's a real nice sweater, by the way." "Really brings out your eyes, man." "Oh." "Thanks." "My mom got it for... me." "Uh, hey, um, you don't like Barbie dolls or cinnamon toast, do you?" "No." "Why, do you?" "No." "Phew." "Listen, I got this little cabin outside of Canton." "How'd you like to go there with me this weekend?" "What?" "Yeah, yeah, you know, I thought we could do a little hunting and fishing." "Maybe go to the Football Hall of Fame." "(laughing)" "Phew." "My God, I've been wanting to go to the Football Hall of Fame ever since I was a little kid." "You'd really take me?" "How would we even get there?" "Like in a car or something?" "You're adorable, you know that?" "No." "Oh, God." "What's wrong?" "Oh, no, it's..." "This is kind of awkward, but, uh..." "I used to date that bartender over there." "Uh, the one with the mustache or the ponytail?" "Ponytail." "(sighs)" "Miguel, you're a sage in matters of the heart." "May I ask you a question?" "I'd be hurt if you didn't." "What are the chances that a gay man who's been buying me presents and complimenting me on my eyes and, uh, and wants to take me away for the weekend, has no intention of doing anything romantic to me" "or to my buttocks?" "This gentleman-- he does not knowou're straight?" "Miguel, it has just been one zany misunderstanding, you know?" "Just... just like on Three's Company." "I've never seen that show." "But my parents speak well of it." "Do you never plan to tell this man the truth?" "What?" "Yes, of course." "Right after I get to see the Football Hall of Fame." "You're still going?" "You don't understand, this week has been amazing." "I finally met a funny, macho guy like me." "If he didn't possibly want to pork me, it would be the perfect friendship." "Oh, where you going, honey?" "You're not moving out, are you?" "I'm just going away for the weekend with a new... very male friend." "Oh, you made a new friend, dear?" "That's wonderful." "Ron, honey, come here!" "I have news!" "What's all the commotion?" "I was cleaning my guns." "Glen made a new friend, and he's going on a vacation." "You've been working for a month." "How can you afford a vacation?" "Uh, Terry's paying." "A man's paying for you?" "Who is this guy, honey?" "It's just someone new in my posse, okay?" "We've been hanging out, doing manly stuff like going to Liza Minnelli concerts and, uh taking spin classes and, uh..." "* Having brunch!" "*" "Son, is there anything you want to tell us?" "We'll love you just the same." "Maybe not right away." "But we'll work at it, just like the Hendersons down the street did with Francis." "Look, Terry's a man's man, okay?" "He's taking me to the Football Hall of Fame." "I mean, geez..." "What time does your mind open?" "Son, cut the crap." "Why the hell are you going to the Football Hall of Fame with a gay man?" "'Cause no straight man has asked." "What a fun drive." "I can't believe you let me take the wheel." "Well, hopefully that moose will be all right." "(chuckles)" "So what do you think of the cabin?" "Oh, it's lovely." "You want to go outside and play a 30-hour game of hide and seek?" "Oh, God, no." "I am beat." "Don't you want to have a little nap?" "Uh, okay, but I sleep standing up in the shower, so..." "Come here, you." "Me, right?" "'Cause who else would it be?" "I mean, I'm the only one in this tiny room with the big, big bed." "Okay." "Comfy, good nap." "Wow!" "Is that a Sony?" "It is exquisite." "You have good taste." "And so do I." "Uh...oh, God." "Um... (nervous giggle):" "Look, there's a... there's something, uh, that I should probably kinda-- whoa!" "Was this football signed by Jim Kelly?" "Yeah, yeah!" "I got it from the Bills' front office." "I have season tickets right on the 50-yard line and I just..." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "What were you saying?" "Nothing." "Now, look, I want you to feel like you can say anything to me." "Now what was it?" "Please?" "(sighing):" "Oh, God, okay." "It's just..." "I'm not..." "I'm not..." "I'm... not... ready..." "I'm just not ready." "Yeah, yeah." "And I'm not saying never." "It's just... let's just revisit this whole physical thing after you've taken me to every single Bills game for a decade." "(knock on door) MAN:" "Terry, open the door, please!" "David?" "Who's David?" "My ex." "Oh, he's back?" "That's great!" "Now you can fulfill your beastly urges with another of your ilk." "David, what the hell are you do...?" "!" "I wanted to apologize." "Look, this whole thing has been my fault." "I've become so self-absorbed..." "Cough!" "Would you mind waiting outside for a second?" "Of course." "Glen..." "I'm sorry, but..." "I've been with David for years and..." "I love him." "Yeah, well, clearly he's an ebony god." "But does this mean no Football Hall of Fame?" "Yeah, I'm sorry." "(sighing)" "Look, there's a Greyhound station a few minutes away." "Let me buy you a ticket." "Well, can't I have some money for some snacks, too?" "Oh, that'll get me a Clark Bar." "Hey, wait." "I want you to have this." "Don't cry, Glen." "(voice breaking):" "Don't cry." "Oh, God, too late." "gained the confidence to know a human could have a crush on me." "I just hoped next time it would be the correct gender." "Hey." "Hey." "See Melrose Place this week?" "I stopped watching." "I got tired of hating Amanda." "Yeah, she is quite the little bitch, isn't she?" "How's Murray?" "You mean, Mr. Loman?" "I'm happy to report the death of a friendship." "Yeah." "He was a douche." "Look, Glen, listen." "I..." "I'm sorry about how I acted at the movies." "No." "I was a total jerk." "No, it was my fault." "I broke plans and took our friendship for granted just 'cause a cool kid finally gave me the time of day." "Yeah, maybe it was your fault." "wanna go laugh at Nell again tonight?" "(laughing):" "Yeah, sure." "* Chickapie * * Tai, tai *" "BOTH:" "* Tai, tai, tai!" "*" "Honey..." "I bought you and your pal..." "Terry... tickets to the Icecapades." "Oh!" "Ma, I'm not gay." "It's not because you tried it and you didn't like it, right?" "Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org"