"Idiot!" "SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC" "Doctor." "Ooh!" "Sorry." "KEGS CLATTER" "GIRLS EXCLAIM" "You took your time." "I didn't." "She seems fine, but I don't know." "Does she seem pale to you?" "No, she seems very stupid." "Oh, Martin!" "(SIGHS) What did you think you were doing?" "And good morning to you." "Shifting furniture..." "We brought in the sofa." "I went back for a chair, then felt a little bit faint, that's all." "Really?" "I wonder why." "Could it be because you're seven months' pregnant?" "Have you passed out before?" "Well, I didn't pass out." "Were you breathless?" "When?" "Before you fainted." "I didn't faint." "She needed to sit down." ""Bit dizzy" she said." "This is beginning to sound less and less like an emergency." "I did ask Joan not to bother you." "It really is no bother." "Actually, it's extremely inconvenient, especially since your blood pressure is normal, unlike your attitude to pregnancy." "Sorry?" "Sometime you're gonna have to accept the fact that you can't behave like a normal person." "You're going to have a baby." "Which makes me abnormal?" "Yes." "Oh!" "Go on!" "Get away from me!" "DOG GROWLS" "Ahem." "STEADY HEARTBEAT" "(SNIFFS) Is that smell coming from your dog?" "No, it is not." "The toilet's blocked." "And there's something strange behind the fridge... ..and in the fridge." "Well, if you want my advice, you should take this as a wake-up call." "OK, Martin." "Your body is trying to tell you to lie down, rest, stop working." "No, I don't want to stop teaching." "(SIGHS) How many days a week are you working?" "Five." "Make it three." "I can't." "I'm the acting head teacher." "As a matter of fact, I've applied to be the permanent head teacher." "Are you every bit as mad as the last one?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "As I keep saying, Louisa, you are about to have a baby." "Yes, in the summer holidays before the new term begins." "Yes, and you'll still have that baby right through till the end of the academic year!" "You will care for that child for the next 18 years of your life!" "Longer, if it's handicapped!" "How can you cope with a full-time job and be a full-time mother?" "I'll get some help!" "Not from me." "Martin!" "I'm only repeating what she's made clear from the outset." "She doesn't want me involved." "No, I don't." "I'm perfectly capable of doing what loads of other women do every day." "I can work and be a mum." "Ha ha." "LIQUID TRICKLES" "Oh, look what your dog's doing." "The place is a minefield of bacteria." "Next thing you know you'll be having a miscarriage." "You better leave now before you say something you'll really regr..." "Go on, go on." "Just go, Martin." "BOTH:" "Oh!" "Hello, Doctor." "I was just bringing some papers for Miss Glasson to sign." "I didn't realise she was ill." "She's not." "She's resting." "Actually, I was hoping to see you." "Make an appointment." "ATM BEEPS" "Oh, what?" "Here, boy." "Grab my kidneys." "Hey?" "I've just been to the butcher's." "Um, could you lend me a couple of hundred pounds?" "I'd need a good reason to find money like that, boy." "Have you actually got that kind of money?" "When you say 'got', do you mean have in my possession right now?" "Yes." "Then no, cos I've been to the butcher's." "But I thought the meat was delivered this morning." "Oh, a man gets hungry round about teatime." "I could save you a chop." "Al!" "Oh!" "(SIGHS)" "BIRDS SQUAWK" "He was called to an emergency." "You said 9:00." "(SIGHS DEEPLY) That's the thing about emergencies." "You don't know about them in advance." "If you did they'd be called 'appointments'." "Next appointment?" "Is that the doctor?" "Obviously." "There's nothing obvious about it." "We've never met the man before." "We didn't meet the last doctor, either." "We haven't seen anyone medical since...well, not for ages." "Pauline!" "You can go in now." "Mind this table." "Look out." "Oh, Mr Mackenzie." "Wasn't expecting to see you today." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Take a seat." "Uh, not you, obviously." "Um, would you like to take a seat, Mrs... ..McLynn." "I prefer to stand." "Right." "Is this Mr McLynn?" "Of course it is." "Who's the patient?" "Neither of us is ill, if that's what you're implying." "My husband wants you to be his GP." "I, on the other hand, do not." "Right." "You want to register at the practice." "Yes." "Well, I..." "We need a Blue Badge for our car." "Oh, yes." "I'm disabled, you see." "Yes." "The, uh, wheelchair was a clue." "I'm paralysed from the waist down." "So we need the badge to park the car near the shops." "If you would agree to be our GP we could apply to the county council." "I am aware of the procedure." "Tell me about your legs." "They don't work." "What more do you want?" "And when did they stop working?" "Oh, uh, just a few weeks ago." "Really?" "What happened?" "Uh, I fell over." "He fell downstairs, cracked two vertebra." "The doctor at the hospital says he'll never walk again." "It's very sad." "Do you have any sensation whatsoever in either of your legs?" "What are you doing with that thing?" "Shut your eyes for me, please." "No, no, no." "I've got a very bad aversion to needles." "It's not a needle." "It's a neurological pin." "It's sharp and it's shiny." "It's quite close enough." "I just want you to tell me if you think I'm using this end or the blunt part when I press it against you." "Ah!" "Ah!" "What the hell have you done?" "I didn't do anything." "He moved his hand." "Ah!" "Ah!" "Blood." "Don't make a fuss." "Everything OK in here?" "He stuck a needle in my hand!" "It's a neurological pin, and I need to be sure that you're telling the truth about your legs." "Now give me my pin back." "Don't you touch me!" "Maureen, we're leaving." "Oh, dear." "Ow!" "Pauline." "Ah!" "Ah!" "That did hurt." "If you really are paralysed I don't see why you object to a simple test." "I have to be certain of the facts before I put my name on a form." "I don't want your name on any form of yours, you sadist." "Yes." "Look what he's done." "Yeah, he stuck a needle in my hand." "It was an accident." "Oh, come on." "Can I have a quick word, Doctor?" "Yes, Mr Mackenzie." "Good." "Come through." "You know about the school governance meeting on Thursday." "Is it in my diary?" "Well, I gave Pauline all the details." "Well, it probably isn't in my diary." "I know you normally make some feeble excuse why you can't be there." "I have better things to do with my evening." "We need a quorum - five governors minimum." "And seeing how this'll be an interview panel for the new head teacher," "I'd like it very much indeed if you could possibly turn up." "Would you?" "Louisa Glasson applied for that job." "Oh, yeah, along with two others." "Miss Glasson's previous experience will obviously count in her favour, but if she's gonna be successful she'll need a panel that's right behind her." "And you think I'd be right behind her." "Well, I assumed she'd get your vote." "That's a stupid assumption." "My vote will go to somebody who isn't pregnant." "You really can't say things like that." "I just did." "It's illegal." "What?" "To tell you my voting intention?" "To deny someone a job just cos they're expecting." "Miss Glasson could sue the board of governors." "I'll take that risk and I'll be at that meeting." "No, you won't." "It's nearly a week now since Graham Hargreaves lost his mother." "I'll ask him instead." "Graham Hargreaves..." "BIRDS SQUAWK" "I think I'm gonna be sick." "Is that morning sickness?" "Can you smell it?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, of course I can." "That's why I don't do the plumbing anymore. (CHUCKLES)" "He said he'd fix it for 350, but I thought," ""No, that's a bit steep."" "Not if he's gonna do the other stuff." "I mean, you said the boiler was broken?" "Mm." "And the washing machine." "Mm." "The bath taps are dripping, the gutter's full of leaves and dead birds, but even so" " L350?" "I tell you what." "Do you know someone who'll do it for cheaper?" "Yeah." "Me." "What about the restaurant?" "For 200 quid cash, I'll do it all by Friday." "Deal." "Mm?" "What's the matter with you?" "It's my hay fever." "Been awful this year." "Much worse than usual?" "(SIGHS) Yes." "I've tried everything Mrs Tishell has, all the antihistamines." "Is there anything stronger?" "There are nasal steroid sprays, but I'd have to examine you before prescribing one of those." "Examine me?" "Why?" "In case it's not hay fever." "I notice you have a rash on your neck." "Is it anywhere else?" "No, no." "It's just prickly heat, it's nothing." "I'll be the judge of that." "Uh, there's really no need, thank you." "Uh..." "Oh, goodness me." "Just look at the time." "I have to be getting back to school." "I was..." "I'm sorry if I..." "Oh, goodbye." "DOOR CLOSES" "Next patient!" "Hello?" "Mrs Rudd?" "I was going to pop in this afternoon to pick up that cheque you owe me." "Is that convenient?" "Not really." "I'll post it for you tomorrow." "No, no." "Wait a minute..." "SMASH" "Oh, God." "Tango delta, receiving 595." "Stay where you are!" "I've got an RTC." "Traverther Rd, Portwenn." "Looks like persons injured." "Don't think anyone's fatal as yet, but I'll come back to you on that." "Could you contact the local medic, tell him he's needed ASAP?" "Over." "'Why don't you give him a ring yourself?" "Over.'" "Yes. that's all received." "Out." "Uh, don't move." "TELEPHONE RINGS" "Portwenn Surgery?" "Yes, PC Penhale." "I am receiving." "It's PC Penhale." "Mm." "Shh." "Yeah, when you say 'victims' how many people are we talking about and what kind of injuries?" "When you say 'unconfirmed', is that cos you don't know yet?" "Mrs Norton?" "Your aunt's been in the car crash." "SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC" "We may need a formal witness statement, so don't leave the country, OK?" "And are you all right, my beloved?" "How are you, darling?" "Are you all right?" "If I could just interrupt your conversation... ..with your dog for one moment," "I'm a little confused." "There's a witness says Mrs McLynn drove into your truck while you were stationary." "Well, I've just been speaking to Mrs McLynn." "You really mustn't compare notes with a possible suspect until I've established the facts." "Well, she agrees that I backed into her." "You backed into her." "What's so odd about that?" "I was trying to turn round because of the hold-up." "It's entirely my fault." "I will pay for the damage." "So you don't want to press charges against Mr McLynn." "Why?" "I've not done anything wrong." "Even so, under the Road Traffic Act 1988, you have to exchange details - name, address..." "I know who she is." "And I know where she lives." "I suppose, if you're happy, we can put this on a backburner, but I have to warn you." "You're sure you're not hurt?" "No, I'm fine." "In that case, I'll cancel my request for medical backup." "Whoops." "Too late." "I was just trying to call you, Doc." "Seems Mrs Norton" " What happened?" "Just a tiny, tiny bump, that's all." "(PANTING) Pauline said you were injured." "Well, I'm not." "You sure?" "Osteoporosis?" "Well, my bones may be brittle, but I am intact." "I'm worried about Buddy." "I think he might have cracked a rib." "(PANTING) You're suggesting I should examine your dog?" "Well, could you just run a hand over his midriff?" "Yes, I could if I was a vet." "But I'm not." "Complete waste of my time." "MOBILE PHONE RINGS" "Paul, what's wrong?" "We're supposed to be going out tonight." "'Tonight?" "' You haven't forgotten?" "No. no, no, no." "It's just that I'm... ..just stuck here on the moor on Bodmin." "I've, um, I've just broken down." "Oh, so we're not going out?" "Well, that depends if anyone stops to help me, doesn't it?" "Cup of tea?" "(No.)" "Who's that?" "Uh, just some old biddy asking if I wanted some tea." "There's an old woman on Bodmin offering you a cup of tea?" "She's got a thermos." "Well, has she got a car?" "Can she give you a lift?" "Nope." "No, no." "She's, um... ..she's a walker, she's a rambler." "She's got a big rucksack and a stick." "But I'll ring you when I'm on my way, so, um...bye." "Well, bye..." "BIRDS SQUAWK" "Maureen Jennifer McLynn." "Has no previous convictions." "She's not wanted by the police." "Date of birth makes her 68 on the 3rd of next month." "So it's still two years before she needs to apply to the DVLA for a new driving licence." "But don't worry, Doc." "I won't let this go." "You realise it's a road traffic accident, don't you, and not actually murder?" "Well, yes, but..." "Oh, Doctor!" "Oh..." "I didn't know you were coming." "You should have warned me." "I could have got myself ready, made myself presentable." "Oh..." "I've just come to collect my suppositories." "Of course." "Absolutely." "I think they're just arrived..." "I think." "I'm sorry about the mess." "Oh." "It was all clean and tidy until the McLynns paid me a visit." "That Mr McLynn, he knocked over my nappy day display." "On purpose?" "No, no." "I don't think so." "How long has he been in a wheelchair?" "Ever since he came to Portwenn." "I think six or seven years." "He used to have a nice electric model and..." "Oh, he never would have broken anything with that." "And then a couple of months ago he told me that had broken down, and so he's now downgraded to a manual version." "Interesting." "Bye, Doc." "Ah." "Uh, Doctor?" "I was hoping to bump into you." "If you're ill make an appointment." "No, I'm not ill." "I'm just keen to confirm what I heard from Stu MacKenzie about you and Miss Glasson." "What's he been saying about me and Miss Glasson?" "That you don't think she should be our head teacher again." "That's right. that's true." "But she's the best we ever had." "I'm sure, but she didn't have a baby back then, did she?" "Why would having a baby affect her performance?" "Because very few women have the mental and physical capacity to work full time and bring up a small child." "Only the best women in the world." "Miss Glasson's not one of those." "Come along, James." "This way." "Any word from Imperial?" "What?" "About the job." "I'm seeing Robert in a couple of weeks." "Oh." "Give him my love." "When?" "I thought you wanted me to read this and give you my thoughts." "I do." "I can't think and arrange my diary at the same time." "Won't say another word." "Thank you." "Really?" "Oh, no." "Perhaps you're right." "I am." "What are you doing?" "You don't need any of this." "You put 'HSE' at the top, the middle and the end." "It starts to feel repetitive." "Tell the reader what you're gonna tell them, tell them, then tell them what you've told them." "Readers of the British Journal Of Obstetrics And Gynaecology aren't stupid." "They know what they're being told without being warned of it in advance and reminded of it at the end." "This whole page needs tightening." "You've become verbose." "You want me concise?" "Yes." "I can be concise." "I can be... ..pithy, taut, succinct, laconic, breviloquent?" "When does this need to be finished?" "I told the editor I'd email tonight." "Oh. better get a move on, then." "No, no." "I've got my laptop with me." "We can take our time, keep polishing... ..till we're finished." "I've missed this." "SHARP KNOCK ON DOOR" "Ahem." "It's bad enough you belittle me in front of my colleagues and pupils, but now I hear you're telling all the governors not to vote for me." "Not all of them." "I am pregnant, Martin." "I'm not ill." "I'm not the second class citizen you seem to think I am." "Do you think I can't cope with having a baby?" "You know, your attitude towards me - towards women, actually - is predictably pompous and chauvinistic, which is exactly why I never, ever thought that you and I could be together." "Good evening." "Oh." "You've got company." "Obviously." "If you could possibly save the squabbling till I'm out of earshot," "I'd be ever so grateful." "Wait a moment." "We'll speak in the morning." "No, we'll speak now." "Miss Glasson isn't staying." "Oh, yes, I am." "Of course you are." "So I'll take this with me and try and imagine the fun I'm missing here." "Thank you for all your suggestions, Ellingham." "(SIGHS)" "Try not to get too excited, Louisa." "It's not good for the baby." "Well, having succeeded in ruining my evening, is there anything else you'd like to say to me?" "How I decide to lead my life is up to me." "What I don't need from you, what I will never need from you... (SOBS) ..is any kind of help." "Why are you crying?" "(SOBS) I'm not crying." "(SNIFFS) Good evening." "Yes, but just mind out for the cars." "They come round here all the time, for God's sake." "I know that." "Now, you'll have to wait, because I can't " "Oh, it's you, Dr Ellingham." "You've been paralysed for at least seven years." "What?" "I have it on good authority that you were unable to walk when you first moved to this village seven years ago." "So?" "I don't like being lied to." "How do I look if I sign a form for someone who's clearly trying to defraud the county council?" "I'm not." "I" " You told me you'd recently lost the use of your legs." "Well, I thought there was some rule about having to apply for a Blue Badge straightaway." "You know, like the statute of limitations." "Nonsense." "What's happened to your face?" "Nothing's happened." "I'm fine." "Are you pathologically incapable of telling the truth?" "Maybe he doesn't trust someone who stabs him with a needle." "It wasn't a needle." "I want to do our shopping!" "Are you going to tell me why you lied?" "No." "Come along, Maureen." "Ow!" "(GRUNTS)" "(WHIMPERS)" "Ah." "(GROANS)" "GIRL:" "Look up there." "ALL EXCLAIM" "What are you doing there, Al?" "Spent the night with Louisa, did you?" "So YOU got her pregnant." "ALL GIGGLE" "Oh, God." "I'm late." "Should have got Al to wake you." "He did." "Then I fell asleep again." "Why is he up so early?" "He's gone to Padstow..." "to look at that freezer." "Your mate that's got his new freezer he's letting you have half-price." "Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?" "None whatsoever, no." "I keep hearing things." "What sort of things?" "Sometimes it's like a high-pitched whistling." "Sometimes it's more like a bell." "TELEPHONE RINGS" "And now it sounds like a telephone." "That's because it is a telephone." "You can hear it, too?" "Yes, I can." "But I shouldn't be able to because my stupid receptionist should have switched it through to her desk." "Al, it's me again." "Where are you?" "Can you give me a ring?" "Love you." "Pauline!" "What's this bit about two weeks on Tuesday?" "What?" "You've put a line through it." "Yes." "And 'NA' - does that mean something?" "That means I won't be here that day." "Reschedule those appointments and don't make any more." "Where will you be?" "Somewhere else." "Doing what, exactly?" "Mind your own business." "And when I'm with a patient you answer the surgery telephone." "And don't make personal calls." "And tidy those magazines up." "Stick a broom up my backside, I could sweep the floor, as well." "Yes, you could." "(SIGHS)" "(SNEEZES) Sally, you look awful." "Are you ok?" "If you want to go home..." "I do." "I feel dreadful." "My hay fever is worse than ever." "Have you been to see Dr Ellingham?" "Well, I did try, but he was...you know." "Yeah, he can be a bit...you know." "But you might be infectious." "Don't you think you should stay away from the school?" "Maybe I should go back to the doctor." "Yeah, I think you should." "Mr Mackenzie, hello." "Miss Glasson, can we have a word?" "Yes." "Yeah, please." "Come in." "Oh, sorry." "I hope this isn't a bad time." "Is it bad news?" "Why don't we talk about that?" "Firstly, let me say you did an excellent interview and we were all most impressed." "The two other candidates were also good, and it's been a very difficult decision we've had to make." "I think I can guess what's coming." "Really?" "Well, you don't look too happy, so you're obviously all here to tell me I didn't get the job." "Oh, don't worry about Graham." "His mother just died." "You're the new head, Louisa." "Really?" "Congratulations." "Well, that's fantastic news." "Yeah, one in the eye for Dr Know-it-all." "Sorry?" "Oh, Doc Martin said we shouldn't appoint you." "Stuart." "But we have." "Well, I hope that's not the only reason that I got the job." "Oh, no. of course not." "You were definitely the best candidate." "Wasn't she?" "Huh?" "Yeah, absolutely." "But if it annoys the pompous bugger, so much the better." "Oh, he's off his food." "Should I take him to the vets?" "You haven't fixed your brake lights." "Does it really matter?" "You can't drive like that." "It's against the law." "You need to book into a garage." "If you're so concerned about the condition of my truck, why don't you buy the brake lights and fix them yourself?" "All right, I will, if you want." "Won't your insurance cover it?" "What's this I hear about you not wanting Louisa to be head teacher again?" "Why are you being evasive?" "I may have let my car insurance lapse." "Just a little." "What do you mean "just a little"?" "You're either insured or you're not." "Well, I'm not." "I couldn't afford to renew the policy, so I didn't." "You've been driving around without insurance?" "Have you any idea of the trouble you'd be in if they caught you?" "Well, of course I have." "That's why I lied to Penhale about the crash." "You lied to him?" "Well, I thought it best to get away before he asked too many questions." "Mrs McLynn drove into me, but only my truck was damaged." "Would you rather I told the truth and was arrested?" "You wouldn't have been arrested." "You'd get a few points on your licence and a hefty fine." "I can't afford to pay a fine, hefty or otherwise for the same reason that I can't afford to renew my car insurance." "Are you telling me that you don't have any money?" "Not at the moment." "But in a little while, if I ask them nicely, the bank might give me some more." "Is he limping?" "You mean you've already taken out a loan?" "Quite a few, actually." "Why didn't you come to me?" "No, Martin." "I can't take another penny from you." "You've done enough." "I've got to cope with this on my own." "Right." "Well, Mrs McLynn is at fault, Mrs McLynn must pay." "Thank you for the chicken." "BIRDS TWITTER" "Hello?" "Ah." "Hello." "What do you want?" "What are you doing here?" "Um..." "Maureen!" "Ah, good." "Your wife's here, is she?" "She, needs to pay for the damage to my aunt's truck." "Your aunt?" "Joan Norton." "She drove into us." "No, she didn't." "Neville?" "Did you call me?" "Yes." "Dr Ellingham's here." "I think he wants some money." "You smashed the brake lights on my aunt's truck and I think you should pay for some new ones." "I didn't know what to say." "Has Mrs Norton told the police what really happened?" "No." "And she's not going to?" "I very much doubt it." "In that case, if you send the bill I'll send a cheque." "Fair enough?" "Uh, yes." "And you can see yourself out, please." "Uh, thank you." "Ahem." "SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC" "(SIGHS)" "ENGINE STARTS" "Oh, for God's sake." "LIVELY MUSIC" "GIRLS LAUGH" "Oh, look, there's Pauline." "Do you think she heard about Al?" "No, course not." "Ooh, he's a proper lover boy." "It's pretty sad when your boyfriend's sleeping around." "What was that about Al?" "Do you not know about him and Louisa?" "We saw them." "Together." "Al's shirt was off." "She must know." "You've gotta know." "Everyone knows." "Al's pretty fit, though?" "I was wondering if I could see the doctor this morning." "(SIGHS) I really don't feel very well." "Could you check to see if he's got any time?" "Yeah, I could check to see if he's got any time." "First patient." "Um..." "Sally Chadwick." "Already here." "Come through." "I'm sorry I had to leave the other day." "Mm." "(SIGHS) I feel ten times worse now." "Take a seat." "In what way worse, exactly?" "My nose won't stop running." "I've got a sore throat." "I feel shivery." "THERMOMETER BEEPS (SIGHS) 39." "That's not good." "That's not hay fever." "Lie on the couch and loosen your blouse." "What are you gonna do?" "I'm gonna examine you, just as I would have done the other day if you'd stayed for more than 30 seconds." "I went to Spain for a half-term." "Ibiza, actually." "It was lovely." "Very warm, very balmy." "You have a tattoo." "(SIGHS) I don't know what I was thinking." "It's a tiger." "We all want things we probably shouldn't, don't we?" "No." "Your skin is abraded." "Have you tried to remove it?" "(SIGHS) I hate it." "I can't believe I did it." "I read about salt crystals on the Internet." "I couldn't afford laser treatment." "So you thought you'd try and rub your skin off regardless of the danger to your health." "Having risked hepatitis and HIV by allowing your skin to be pierced with needles, you then perform an unhygienic procedure on yourself, which leads to an infection." "Well done." "Just the kind of self-inflicted injury we GPs thrive on." "Can you help me?" "I'm prescribing you antibiotics." "What about the tiger?" "What if someone sees it?" "When you're feeling better we'll complete the dermabrasion... ..under sterile conditions." "Oh." "Thank you." "Miss Glasson was worried I might be infectious." "You're not." "She got the job, by the way." "Permanent head teacher, she got it." "Oh, God." "Next patient!" "They saw him there in Louisa's bedroom, kissing." "They're winding you up, girl." "You know what those girls are like." "Yeah, they're evil." "Which is why you shouldn't believe a word they're saying." "Normally I wouldn't, but then I thought, why would Al start making up stories about Bodmin and Padstow or whatever if he weren't doing something he shouldn't?" "Now, you listen to me." "I'm gonna see Louisa right away." "I'm gonna ask her if there's anything going on and she's gonna tell me the truth, because that girl respects me." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Don't be so bloody stupid." "Me and Al, kissing?" "That's the rumour going round the village." "Well, I hope you're putting a stop to that rumour." "I will do when I'm sure there's no truth in it." "Well, of course there's no truth in it." "Why would I be kissing your son?" "He's a good-looking boy." "He's quite a catch." "Especially if you're looking for a husband." "But I'm not." "Well, you'll be wanting someone to help with the baby, won't you?" "No, and even if I was," "Al would be the last person that I'd turn to." "Well, second to last." "Is it true?" "Is what true?" "That you were kissing Al." "That you've been made head teacher." "That's right." "This is when you say, "Congratulations"." "No, it isn't." "This is when I say I think you're mad." "Well, congratulations." "Go away." "Oh." "Watch out." "What?" "(SIGHS) Dr Ellingham." "Oh." "Yes, Dr Ellingham." "What do you want?" "I've got that application for a Blue Badge from the county council." "I filled in the GP section." "Just get your husband to put his details there and there." "I'm sure we can sort it out for ourselves." "Thank you very much." "I don't really think you should be driving, Mrs McLynn." "Leave me alone." "Why don't you pull over here and stop?" "No." "Look, I think we both know what's wrong with you." "Hey, stop!" "You're blind!" "Ah!" "Oh!" "Are you hurt?" "I think I'll live." "Right." "That form I gave you was an application for car insurance for my aunt." "If you were able to see properly you'd have noticed the words "application for car insurance"" "written across it." "You knocked me over." "It's cos she's blind." "What?" "Well, that's all right." "I tell her which way to turn, when to accelerate, when to stop." "I can see round the edges." "You have peripheral vision?" "Yes, I'm not completely blind." "Oh, well, that's all fine, then." "No, it's not." "I'm pretty sure it's illegal." "Of course it's illegal." "I want you to come to my surgery at 6pm tonight." "Who?" "me?" "No, not you, you." "Me and you, kissing?" "Your dad seemed to think I'm desperate for a bloke." "Oh." "He didn't tell Pauline, did he?" "No." "Phew." "She told him." "Oh." "Now..." "How much have I got there?" "L194.50." "Right." "Tell you what, you can give me the rest tomorrow, eh?" "Gosh." "Thanks." "The thing is, I didn't tell Pauline I was working for you, so she might think it's all a bit, you know, suspicious." "Do you want me to explain what you've been up to?" "I'm sure she'll believe me." "No, no." "I can, um, I can sort this on my own... ..probably." "While I'm here, can I book a table for Saturday night?" "Yeah, sure." "It's to celebrate me getting my old job back, so I've asked all the staff." "So that's a table for how many?" "Uh, ooh, I'll need to ask Miss Chadwick." "Right." "Um..." "Great." "No battery." "You can use our phone if you want." "Thanks." "Is it just..." "Yeah, it's just down there on the left." "Have I interrupted something?" "Eh?" "You and Louisa." "Now, Pauline, don't worry." "I know there's been rumours." "You were kissing each other." "No, no." "That did not happen." "You were seen with Louisa in Louisa's house." "Well, yes, I suppose it is possible that someone did see me in there." "You do realise she's pregnant." "Well, yeah, cos her belly kind of gives it away." "Is it yours?" "What?" "Oh, God." "Did you make her pregnant?" "You're being silly now, Pauline." "How could you fancy someone...obese?" "Do you ever think about fat girls?" "Do you dream about fat girls?" "No, I could never fancy a fat girl, and you can't get much fatter than Louisa." "Look, Louisa..." "Now see what you've done." "Louisa?" "Oh." "Seven years ago when my husband was driving a girl fell off her motorbike up ahead." "We didn't see her till we came round the corner, and then the crash." "Stop talking." "Look straight ahead." "They wanted to cut my legs off." "Doctors kept on and on about risk of infection and gangrene, that I'd never walk again." "We don't like doctors." "No." "Is that why you didn't come and see me about your eyes?" "I was worried you'd do something unpleasant." "What?" "Like prevent you from going blind?" "When did you start to lose your sight?" "Um, four, five months ago." "I didn't feel safe walking around anymore." "Yes, I stopped using the electric wheelchair and then Maureen just held on to my handles." "I couldn't help pushing him into the occasional door, hence his cuts and bruises." "What I still don't understand is why you lied about how long you'd been disabled." "Well, we thought you'd be suspicious if we said that we'd managed without a Blue Badge for seven years, but Maureen does need one now, cos she's gotta park on yellow lines where there are no other cars, you see?" "Right." "You're suffering from age-related macular degeneration." "You're lucky, though." "We've caught it in time." "There's a good chance I can restore most of your vision." "It won't be painful?" "I mean, you won't do anything horrible?" "Of course not." "I'll treat you with VEGF inhibitors." "Ah." "Those are pills?" "Injections." "Into her arm?" "Into her eyeball." "You're going to..." "..insert needles into her eyeballs and inject the inhibitors directly into the base of each retina." "Problem?" "The 'BJOG' got my email last night." "The editor was on the phone this morning saying he'd sent it to the 'RCOG'." "They want me to be keynote speaker at their AGM." "Is that so surprising?" "I'm just wondering why you're opening champagne when neither of us drinks." "It's a fizzy elderflower cordial." "Oh." "The venue for this bunfight's not far." "Some hotel in Exeter." "You might want to come with me, Ellingham." "Moral support?" "Think about it?" "Cheers." "Mm." "I've got you something." "It's a little out of date, but I think it should do the job." "Open it up." "If ever you need reassurance you can cope just give it a squeeze." "You did say you were fine now, yes?" "Ellingham?" "Ellingham?" "Ellingham!" "You passed out." "Oh." "Obviously." "You're going to have to fix this once and for all." "Otherwise you can forget about London." "Ahem." "I didn't tell you I was working for Louisa cos then you would have asked me why I needed the money." "Why do you need the money?" "For this." "God, it's a scooter!" "Yep." "Ah!" "Mm..." "It's 50cc." "Pull-back." "V5, Mark 2." "It's French." "In case you ever feel trapped with me and Dad, you can always escape." "Let me take you somewhere right now." "Where?" "To apologise to Louisa." "You said she was fat." "No, you said she was fat." "No, I said she was obese." "Oh." "Obese." "(LAUGHS) Whoo-hoo!" "(SHRIEKS AND GIGGLES)" "HORN HONKS" "Al wants to say sorry!" "What?" "Al want to apologise!" "Huh?" "Al wants to apologise." "You're not fat." "I'm enormous!" "Yeah, but it's only because you're pregnant." "And Al's not the father, is he?" "No." "This is the name of an excellent therapist." "You don't want it?" "No." "Yes..."