"Geez, how lateis fotoma open?" "I do wanna thank you allfor your patience, we are now obviouslyready to go." "I'm Howard stringer, and, as presidentof CBS entertainment, it is my singular pleasure, and a great moment for us, to be able to bringthis great star to CBS," "David letterman!" "I never dated Amy fisher!" "I fixed her car, I helped her with her homework, and, that's all, alright, thank you." "Alright, I'lltake some questions, and, then, Colin Powell will be in here, and update youon the bombing." "I do wanna thank cbsfor their support, and, of course, for their generosity," "I mean, wow, this is a deal, that would put a smileon Jack Benny's face, and that's in the conditionhe's in right now!" "Does g.E. Make the best managersfor a television network?" "What wasthe question?" "Oh, yeah, no, you know, I don't know about that, but, they makea darn fine toaster oven." "C'mon, Paul, we gotta do a show." "Dave, I have a terriblecase of the hiccups." "You tried holding your breath?" "Everything." "I got an idea, hold on." "What are you doing?" "Just put thaton your head there, breathe normally, there, Paul." "Okay." "I'm breathin'." "How was that, you feel any better?" "Oh, gosh." "Sorry..." "Must've beensomething I ate." "It's bloody marvelous." "The tonight show, johnny's guest host tonight is," "Jay leno!" "Ladies and gentlemen," "Jay-y-y leno!" "Thank you!" "Thank you!" "Wonderful, wonderful, that's nice to hear, now, did you allsee in the paper, there's a survey that saysthat you're safer, and, now this is true, you're safer, on an airplane than you arein your own bathroom." "Do you believe that?" "Do you think that's true?" "I don't know, I've neverslipped on the toilet seat, and fallen 35,000 feet!" "I mean, I neveradjusted the shower rod, and had a fire ballcome out and incinerate me." "So, why can't we just throwmoney at one of them?" "What sort of offerdo you have in mind?" "What does it matter?" ""Late night's" making$70 million a year for nbc." "Where's our bloody piece?" "That would havebeen Mr. Sajak." "Oh, Christ, what a disaster." "He's got a lock onevery blue-haired old biddy, who ever watched "wheel of fortune"." "Do you know how manyof our stations, are canceling himfor arsenio?" "It's like they'recanceling him before we can." "Look at these fucking numberswhen leno fills in for Carson." "And letterman." "Nbc has him signedthrough '93." "Well, what about leno?" "Nbc only has a one-yearholding deal with Jay." "That's nothing, he could be ripe." "So let's steal him!" "We can give him a show now, for christssakes." "I'll push sajak over a cliff if we can get leno." "They mightfight for him." "Let them." "They can't fight equallyfor leno and letterman." "They're not gonna offer both, Carson's spot when he retires." "This is the best opportunitywe've ever had, to break nbc'sstrangle-hold on late night." "Okay, Howard." "Let's gostir something up." "And, you know, we can knock it out, in one fell swoop." "Oh!" "Oh, bouncy up here!" "We gotta do a commercial here, boys and girls, we'll be right backwith more Sandra bernhard." "I'm havin' a blast, thanks for havin' meback on Dave." "How you doin'?" "What do you want the numberof my therapist?" "You should be thrilled with your life." "It wasn't that bad, Dave." "Okay, we had a little troublewith the first bit, but Sandra was good, and you were good with her." "I sucked, morty, and the whole show sucked because I sucked." "I don't belong onnetwork television," "I belong in muncie, driving gravel." "You got great laughs." "Oh, bullshit, if thataudience was any deader, there'd be guysin lab coats, going throughharvesting organs." "Those dorks at nbc probablysteered in the crowd, waiting in line for donahue, by mistake." "It's their way ofsending a message." "What message?" "The message, giving Jay the job as permanentguest host for Johnny." "They didn't make him guesthost to mess with you." "They do everythingto mess with me." "Renting out our studio inthe morning, to Maury povich?" "!" "Laurie, I need some coffee." "Great show." "Yeah." "I mean, when are wesupposed to rehearse?" "Am I supposed to move my cameraaround a bunch of bald women, with eating disorders?" "We won't let that happen, Dave." "We'll do something about it." "Gosh, morty, I know, we could boycott the show." "They'll probably use thatas an excuse to fire me." "Oh, come on, Dave." "I fucked upnumber six... no, you didn't." "It was the only decent jokein the whole fucking show... it was funny!" "It was funny, I wasn't." "Let me see the tape." "Take a breather!" "Give methe fuckin' tape." "Oh, man, oh, for chrissake's!" "Jesus, do I suck!" "Oh, that's good," "I should've jumped in right there!" "Listen, you cheap, fuckin' bastard, it's one lousy table, $10,000!" "That's chump change!" "That's extortion, Helen." "It's not extortion, it's charity, for God's sake." "It's for pediatric aids." "You selfish prick!" "Don't flatter me!" "Put me down for two." "What?" "Two tables." "You are sucha mensch!" "Yes, I still love you." "See, that didn'thurt very bad." "So, we canhave dinner, honey." "I gotta go," "I gotta go, jay's here." "Bye." "How ya doin'?" "Here's your tickets." "Where am I goingthis time?" "Come, I'll walk youto the car." "That's mine." "I gotta knowmy future." "I know your future, follow me!" "You're playing "Joe laffs" in green bay, Friday." "The nbc affiliate is w.L.U.K." "Good luck, huh?" "I'm getting you in just in timeto do the noon news." "That's good, I'm surethere's a lot of people, watching the noon newsin green bay." "Don't give me shit." "Those local stations are gonnaget you "the tonight show"." "Here, I wanna show yousomethin' look at this." "Not another goddamn motorcycle, I don't have the time." "Helen, hold on." "Take a second, look at this motorcycle." ""To j." "L., crank it on up andride over to CBS forever."" "It's a rare bike, do you what this cost them?" "No, I don't knowwhat it cost, but, I know what it means." "Hi." "Hello." "Table for two?" "Please." "Are you sure this isthe place for a goodcorned beef sandwich?" "Yeah." "She wanted discreet." "I don't think anybodyfrom nbc will be dropping... oh, Jesus." "What?" "Arnie kleinerfrom Paramount, just walked inwith some other guy." "Will they know Helen?" "Here she comes." "You said we'dhave privacy here," "I just saw Arnie kleiner inthe corner downing a thai beer." "Oh my God, howard stringer." "A pleasure tomeet you, Helen." "Rod said we'd just talka little business over lunch, this looks likea little more than lunch." "Of course it is, we wouldn't wanna wasteyour valued time." "Alright..." "Now, we thinkthe world of Jay." "We've noticed what he's beendoing filling in for Carson, and we think he's readyto be a star, right now." "And, we have somethingno one else can offer him." "11:30, wide open." "Holy shit, a deal memo, already?" "You guys are serious." "Here, you take this, I don't wanna hold on to this." "You can give Jay the detailswithout the paper if you prefer." "The show opens in September, he'll get six million to start." "How does that sound?" "Six million?" "Yeah, alright, I'm impressed." "But, uh, we may berushing this a little bit." "Jay's a loyal puppy, he's got a thingfor "the tonight show", like every othercomic in America." "Of course." "But, isn't he stillthird in that line, behind carsonand letterman?" "No, I wouldn'tsay that." "But, I would saythat we have some reason, to feel a little impatientwith where we are." "And I'll admit itto you, Howard," "I love this offer." "I'm sure you do, Helen." "Compliments of Mr. Kleiner." "This feels likethe late night dmz." "Does that make me Nixon?" "I guess I'm kissinger." "With you negotiating, that war would've gone nuclear." "At least in this warwe control all the weapons." "We hope." "Hey, mort, how ya doin'?" "Good to see ya." "Hey, Warren, we got Howard stringerhumping leno's leg." "What are we gonna tellthe g.E. Guys if we lose him?" "My dog atemy late night host?" "I may." "Helen needs a stroking." "Jay," "I hear Howard stringerwants to take you to Bermuda, for a romantic weekend." "Helen.Hi, how are ya?" "Jay, honey, it's time to goget your makeup on, your spot startsin 30 minutes." "Manger and network need tobe alone, I can take a hint." "Brandon, watchyour wallet." "Hey, David!" "Oh, hey, Jay, how ya doin'?" "How ya doin'?" "Good." "What's goin' on?" "Listen, how's nbctreating you?" "Good, you know, I mean, okay, I guess." "Hey, I saw that show the otherday with Sandra bernhard, it was great, c'mon, it was great." "You don't know what you'retalkin' about, it was so funny." "I know morty's down there, I wanna talk to morty." "Hey, are you guysgonna stay around?" "No, we gotta takethe "red-eye" back." "I hatethe "red-eye"." "Listen, Jay, we'll have morty call ya, we'll book you on the show." "When you're notfilling in for Johnny." "You know me, I'm alwaysready, whatever, as long asit's okay with Helen." "Ah, right, of course." "We'll have morty call Helen, and do it that way." "I'll talkto you later." "Alright, oh, listen, Jay, call morty, alright?" "Yeah, tell himto call Helen." "Alrighty." "Good to see ya." "I gotta tell ya," "I got a hell ofan offer from CBS." "I don't know, I mean, jay wants to stay, and take overwhen Carson steps down, but, Brandon, I need a commitment." "Helen, you're as subtleas a knee to the groin." "I didn't hear the words "tonight show" in there anywhere what are you saying?" "You want us tobounce Johnny, now?" "You wanna deprive him ofreaching his 30th anniversary?" "Just lookin'to protect my guy." "Look at her working' Brandon, is she shameless or what?" "I don't see any reason, why youshouldn't say hello to Brandon." "Oh, for God's sake." "Now's your chanceto let somebody know, that you want "the tonight show"." "Let's wavehim over." "Jesus, you don't "wave" heads of networks, you wave waitersand hookers..." "Brandon." "Good lord, how can a television show beworth this much embarrassment?" "Hey, David!" "Hey Brandon." "David, I think I heard themcall your category, but don't worry, littlefieldran in to accept for you." "Johnny sends hisregards, Brandon." "Oh, thank you, Peter, too bad he couldn't come, then I could havebeen photographed withall our late night stars, before they all startfiling for free agency." "David..." "I know you want the jobas much as Jay." "Listen, Brandon," "I'm not campaigningfor anything." "I'm not saying you are." "I just want you to knowthat we haven't forgotten you." "Well, that's uh, that's good to hear, brandon, thanks." "Sure." "I was in new yorkin July, and I stopped byto see you, but Laurie said you werein rehearsal... no, actually, I waslocked in my office, sobbing." "I'm sorry about that." "I'll try not to bean anti-social jerk next time." "And, Brandon, listen," "I really doappreciate it." "Sure Dave, good luck?" "I feel like a daddy who's justgotten all his children to bed." "Brandon, you shit." "We have to talk." "Helen, I'm running througha contract negotiation, with the guysfrom "cheers"." "Listen, I've had itwith this runaround." "You don't get by withverbal assurances anymore." "See, I had a verbal commitmentfrom Brandon a year ago, now, he's goneto Paramount." "You I'm not so fond of, john, no offense, you think you can pull the samemanipulative shit with me, you try on everybodyelse in this town." "But you fuck with meand I'll fuck you back good." "I don't havea contract with you." "I can move jayto CBS within a month." "That would leave youwith Carson, and hisretirement-home audience." "So let's cut the shit, shall we?" "Helen, this is just beena busy period." "These thingstake time." "You're notlistening, asshole!" "I don't wanna hear about time, I want a piece of paper." "I don't know when Carson'sgonna get the fuckingmessage, and quit." "I want Jay signed." "Helen, I hear you." "Believe me." "Let me see what I can do, give me one week?" "A week'sseven days, John." "Trust me, I can count." "Right." "Jesus Christ." "Oh, man." "Hey, morty.Have you seen this?" "Jesus Christ." "What the hell isthis?" "From what I can tell, there's no source for it." "What's this mean, now, morty?" "It means nothing, it means helengot on the phone." "This has to be Helen." "Yeah, but, would nbctreat Johnny this way?" "This is ridiculous." "I can't believe thiswould've happened if brandonhadn't gone to Paramount, he had some control." "Helen wouldn't dare pull thisshit when Brandon was there." "Maybe this is all nbc, their way of dealing Jay in." "No, don't assumethese assholes have a plan." "It's the New York post, for God's sake." "What's that mean?" "It's not nbc's style." "Alright." "Let's see how these guysweasel out of this one." "We have tocontrol the rumors." ""We have tocontrol the rumors"?" "You have tocontrol the rumors." "So, how do weword the release?" "Maybe we should justtalk about the network's, huge debt to Johnny." "No words like," ""and we hope the king willreign, for many years to come?"" "No!" "Okay." "Helen's work, right?" "What do you think?" "It probably came fromthe Carson people." "They know they'rein trouble." "They're tryin' to screw youby leaking' a story, they wanna make you lookso fuckin' eager, you'll do anythingto get the job." "I guess that makes sense," "I'm justworried about Johnny." "What are you worried about himfor, he doesn't worry about you." "I don't know, that's the problem," "I don't thinkhe really likes me." "There you go withthat "like" shit again, what the hell differencedoes it make, whethercarson likes you or not?" "I mean, he's not pickin'his successor, nbc is." "Oh, you don't thinkthey'll give him a vote?" "No, I don't!" "Would you leavethe campaigning to me, go, do your fuckin' jokes." "I wanna be able to swear tojohnny this didn't come from us." "So, go ahead and swear." "Hello." "Johnny, hey, it's Jay." "Jay?" "Yeah, how ya doin'?" "Look, I just wanted totalk to you, about this rottenarticle in the post," "I just wanted to tell you, to make it clear to you, that it didn'tcome from us." "Actually, you've beenthe g.E. Employee of the week, haven't you, there, Paul?" "Gee, Dave, I guessi missed out on that one." "Well, it's quitean honor, Paul, kids, why don't we find out, who the g.E. Employeeof the week is, this week." "Right here, on our show, we can reveal the name ofthe g.E. Employee of the week." "Anton, can we have a..." "There we go." "Let's see who it isthis week, huh, Paul?" "Warren littlefieldand John agoglia." "Well, this is the reasoni went into television." "So my family can see mebeing insulted in frontof 4 million people." "He's got the microphone, and we're helpless." "Forget about it." "I've been looking throughthese rating charts you sent me." "You know how well Jay is doing." "Yeah..." "Prime time revenuesare next to nothing." "I'm thinking aboutall the money we've got, riding on "late night"." "The last thing we needis a problem there." "Well, we'vealready got one." "Helen kushnick, the woman'sforcing the issue." "So far we've been ableto keep her in line, with verbal assurances, leno's in linefor "the tonight show", plus we've committedserious money, if leno doesn'tget the show, two, three million." "But she'll forfeitthe money and go to CBS." "And that could bea disaster for us." "We've still gotcarson and letterman." "A lot of people believethat leno, is the hottest talentin television." "It would be a majormistake to lose Jay now, especially, since johnnydoesn't have that long to go." "John has never said one wordto me about quitting." "Well, it may get to the point, where we can't wait any longer." "You wanna get ridof Johnny Carson?" "His ratings are softening." "Arsenio's gotthe younger viewers." "That's where the money is." "We've gotta make surethe future is secure." "If we give jaya firm deal now, give him a contract, that guarantees him the showwhenever Johnny leaves," "I think he and helenwould go for it." "Yeah, but, where does thatleave us with letterman?" "He can't go anywhere." "We've got him for two moreyears." "And letterman's never onceasked us to guarantee himthe show, if Johnny quits." "Dave is stillour 12:30 guy." "We'll make sure he stays there, all we need to do now, is get Jay signed, keep him off CBS." "And, this shouldstay between us," "Helen and Jay." "Carson doesn't have to know, letterman doesn't have to know, it never makesthe papers." "That is essential." "I don't wantanybody writing that nbc is pushingjohnny Carson out the door." "I want this handledvery carefully." "John and I are friends." "But we've gotta have "late night" locked up." "If that meansa deal for leno..." "Let's do it." "Jay is the host, the first week nightafter Carson's last show." "Helen is theexecutive producer." "Nbc productionsowns the show, now, of course, no word of this, leaves this room." "No." "Oh..." "Helen getsthis fat check." "I think you could saythis is the impossible dream, coming truefor two people, huh?" "I think, Helen, they'vegot us where they want us." "Well, you see," "I would've said itthe other way around." "Let's give a big hand, for the starsof our 1992 fall line-up." "Well, you've seen..." "The new programsfor our fall season, and, I hope our affiliates, and our friends in theadvertising community agree, we've put new lifeinto prime time, and, now the last surpriseof the day, ladies and gentlemen," "the king oflate night television, soon to begin his30th year at nbc, heeeeeeeere's Johnny!" "Thank you." "That's very nice of you." "Gee, whata fast-paced afternoon." "You folks must bejust short of coma." "You know, I alwaysget a little awestruck, to think of the great menwho've graced this stage, jascha heifitz," "Vladimir horowitz, and today..." "Warren littlefield." "Kind of knocks the hellout of Darwin's theory, doesn't it?" "Jay leno, who's now theguest host on our show, is driving menuts backstage," ""how're you feeling?"" ""Your thyroid okay?"" "You know, I like Jay, and he isvery concerned about my health." "In fact, he suggested I takea run through central park, about midnight tonight." "Anyway, I know it's beena long afternoon," "I just wanna say, this is the last year, that I'm doing "the tonight show"." "What did he just say aboutthis being the last year?" "I don't know." "But, my last showis gonna be one year from now, may the 22nd, 1992." "I just wanna thank you," "I am very grateful..." "And, I bid you, good-bye." "This is real." "I just said it, the world heard me." "It's real." "Great tie, Bob, terrific." "Did you knowabout this, John?" "Mr. Littlefield, cani just ask a question?" "I would liketo thank you, Johnny, and, thank youfor coming, and the bathrooms aredown the hall and to the right." "Warren, whatis going on?" "I had no goddamn idea... we have no releaseprepared, nothing." "Betty, why don't you... the press is going tofry us like bacon strips." "...the advertises and the worldwith our asses hanging out." "He didn't saya word to me." "Who gets "the tonight show"?" "I'm not gonna answerany questions right now." "Is it lenoor letterman?" "Stay tuned, everybody, stay tuned." "Thanks, bye." "Mr. Leno?" "There's a phone callfor you, sir." "I'd like to show youto the the courtesy phone." "Oh, alright." "Excuse me, aren't youthe doritos guy?" "Johnny announcedhe was quittin' today." "What?" "What are you talk..." "I was just with him." "He went on last, long after you'd gone." "He justdumped it on 'em, he said he was doing the showone more year, and then out." "Did they make any kindof announcement about us?" "Nothin', they were too busytrying to pull up their pants." "But, it'll come, the deal is set." "We got it, Jay, one more year!" "His last show is may 22, ourfirst is may 25, Memorial Day." "God, I'm havin' a hard timegettin' my breath." "I hearing what my motheralways said," ""be careful what you wish for, you might get it."" "I know what you mean..." "It's still secret, right?" "We can't, you know, say anything about it?" "We've waited this long, what difference doesanother day or two make?" "Yeah, I guess, they wanna, probably wanna tell Dave first." "You're such a nice guy, jay leno!" "Worrying aboutyour old friend, Dave?" "You wanna know the realdifference betweenyou and letterman?" "You had me, enough!" "Now, go do your show in Tahoe, have a good time." "Yes, sparky!" "Oh, yes, good boy!" "Alright, we're gonnabe right back, with a commercial." "Paul, get us out." "Hey, Peter, how are ya?" "Good to see ya." "Is John here?" "Yes, he's hereand he's ready." "You're not gonnabelieve this." "Johnny announced his retirementat the affiliates meetingin carnegie hall." "What do you mean, when, when's he gonna retire?" "A year from now." "One more year on the air, that's what he said." "Holy shit." "And did nbc... no, no." "No announcementfrom nbc." "Okay, 20 seconds." "Can you fuckingbelieve this?" "Isn't this amazing?" "Five, four, three, two..." "Ed couldn't make it," "I happened to bein the neighborhood, so, I brought youa little something." "What's this?" "You're the winner ofthe million dollar sweepstakes." "Morty, Johnny asked me tostay on until the show's done, and, I told him I would." "After that, I'm all yours." "That's great, 'cause we both want you." "No, I just happenedto be in town, doing a somethingfor the affiliates." "You quit, Johnny, you quit your job!" "That's the businessyou came to..." "Jesus Christ, this guy is so good." "I cannotfucking believe, we haven't heard from agoglia, wright, or littlefield." "None of 'em." "Maybe theylost the number." "So, we can handleunpleasant Dave?" "Well, it's real simple, first we slap him, and, then we kiss up." "There's only so muchkissin' up I'm capable of." "I got a signed contractwith this guy's name on it." "Fuck him andhis bruised ego." "My ass is bruised from sittin'on a goddamn plane." "So, you want mortyto sit behind the desk?" "Alright, fine, I can do that." "Okay, no, no, is this gonna work, Peter?" "Hello.Hello, gentlemen." "Dave will be with youin just a few more minutes." "Great, thanks." "Can I get you some coffeewhile you wait?" "Please, black?" "Yeah, I'd love some, thanks." "Oh, God, they're here." "They look like suchworms, I tell ya, it's littlefield." "Yeah, agoglia'swith him." "Oh, great, thank you." "You're welcome." "The coffeeis freezing." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do this." "Don't worry, alright, thanks, Peter." "Morty, sit behind my desk." "You sit at the desk." "I'm gonna sitright here." "And, I'm gonnaput them over there." "Hi ya', Warren, how ya doin'?" "Good to see ya." "Thanks for coming." "And, you are?" "C'mon, Dave, john agoglia." "Oh, yeah, John, good tosee ya, how ya doin'?" "Why don't youhave a seat over here?" "Dave, you knowwhy we're here." "The network has been analyzing, the "late night" situation, and we've watched Jay, grow into the role of host." "We have every reasonto be proud of whatyou've accomplished, but a choicehad to be made." "And tomorrow nbc will announce, that Jay leno has been named, the next hostof "the tonight show"." "And, I'm sure that jaywill do a fine job." "But, I must tell you, that we have donethis show for 10 years." "And, we knowhow to do this show." "Now, the best thing would'vebeen for all of us here, to have gone on and done "the tonight show"." "That's what we alwayswanted to do." "And, it's a realdisappointment, that we're not." "But, if it isyour final decision..." "Then, you cancontact my lawyer." "Gentlemen, this iscompletely unacceptable." "I want you to release mefrom my contract." "What is this?" "I mean, where doesthis leave us, morty?" "I mean, how can wemake him happy?" "You wannakeep him happy?" "Do as he asks." "He wants "the tonight show"." "Well, short of that." "We have a plan, for enhancing Dave's roleon "late night"." "We want to make ita seamless two-hour block, right after jaytakes over the show." "No, Johnny, you don't understand." "Dave wants "the tonight show"." "Period." "Well, I'm afraid, that just isn't possible." "Why isn'tthat possible?" "Morty." "You already havea deal with leno?" "You do, don't ya?" "Let's just saya decision has been made." ""A decisionhas been made?"" "It's over, so, if youwanna help us out, morty, you tell me how nbccan make Dave enthused, about the 12:30 show." "Morty!" "He'll be back." "Hold my calls, Pam?" "Okay, Mr. Morton." "Oh, morty, ah!" "Not bad, huh?" "No, I sucked." "No, you didn'tsuck, Dave." "There's something there, I've known those guys..." "Warren littlefieldhas never seen my like that..." "David, David... they thought I wasgeorge peppard or something." "It didn't work..." "We don't know..." "Yes, we do know, they just told me, in their own charmingfucking and immatable way." "They're goingwith Jay." "As far as nbc's concerned, you're 12:30." "And, that's it?" "Yeah." "That's it." "Fuck." "David, I knowyou're depressed, but you haveto keep fighting." "Fighting for what?" "I'm fucked, I'm finished, my time is up." "It's the end of the roadfor TV boy." "David, don't getinto that." "Do you wantthe tonight show?" "Why don't you ask meif I want to play centerfield forthe Yankees?" "Of course I want "the tonight show", since I was 10 years old, it's my only dreamin my whole life." "Alright, what are yougonna do about it?" "You can't just want it, you have to do something." "I have done a television programon their network, for the lastlo years." "What do you want meto do about it?" "I put a penalty clausein my contract, if they don't give methe tonight show." "How much?" "A million dollars." "Oh, David, that's tip moneyto those guys." "Alright, I'm a pin-head, Pete, I didn't know what I was doin', c'mon, now, what'll I do?" "I just want that show." "I'm only really happythat one hour a day, when I'm doing my show." "You will have a show." "You're a t.V. Star." "People willwanna hire you." "Yeah, who, CBS?" "Cbs just fired pat sajak, their gums arestill bleeding', they don't wanna hear the words "late night" ever again." "Abc?" "Abc's got Ted koppelon at 11:30." "He's the gold standard." "I'm nickel-plating." "So, what does that leave, syndication?" "Oh, what a feeling, could you imaginebeing sold by a syndicator." ""Uh, we got letterman, or studs"," ""you can either havestuds" or letterman"." "I'm fucked, Pete." "Listen, David, don't accept what nbcis doing to you." "You simply can't." "You must notfollow Jay leno, because you'll hate yourselffor the rest of your life." "It'll make you crazy." "I've already lostthe job to him." "What else am I gonna do?" "How aboutgetting an agent?" "Now, don't rejectthe idea out of hand," "I know howyou feel of agents." "But, we need somebody withsome power in the business." "Yeah, I know, but Jesus, an agent?" "I mean, an agent's what you pulloff the bottom of your shoe, after a baseball game." "They're just gonnabook me in Tahoe, with Tony Orlando and dawn." "Listen, David, I have an idea." "David." "Peter." "Mike ovitz." "Please come in, it's wonderful to have you here." "David, I don't knowif you remember this, but years ago, when youwere with William Morris, and I was stillan agent there, we actually metvery briefly." "Geez, I can't believeyou remembered that." "What I remember is, you were the funniestguy in the room." "In fact, I don't think we gotmuch accomplished that day." "Michael, maybe we shouldtell you a little, about David'scircumstances." "Peter, I knowdave's circumstances." "And, so I knowwhy you're here." "Dave is a star ofsuch compelling stature, that frankly, it makes mepersonally angry, he finds himselfthis abused." "We pride ourselveshere at c.A.A., in developing a career planfor our clients, that protects them as muchas it enriches them." "David has set such an incrediblyhigh professional standard, and yet he is goingdisturbingly unrewarded." "That just doesn'tmake sense." "It's simply badbusiness practice." "Obviously, we havean intense interest, in establishing a businessrelationship with you, Dave, and with you, Peter." "Frankly, we have worked outa career plan for David, and it includes securingeverything for Dave, that he wants." "Everything." "Of course, that meansan 11:30 television show." "Dave will be offeredan 11:30 show, and he will be offered itby every network." "The geometry of the dealwill be far larger." "The studios will be in, the syndicators, the full range ofthe entertainment industry." "We shall frame a deal, that will make youone of the giants." "And, if you give usthe privilege, of working with you..." "C.A.A. Will take care ofeverything your talents deserve, and your spirit desires." "Water?" "Huh?" "Jesus, that was like, having a meetingwith the..." "The godfather." "Hello?" "Hi Warren." "Good morning," "Theresa told Mei'd find you in the car." "Good morning, Helen, how are things?" "Well, I've had itwith the Carson people, tryin' to getanything outta them, they wouldn't putjay on the show, they wouldn't pass the Baton." "Pass the what, Helen?" "Pass the Baton, I had this great idea." "I thought johnnyshould say good-bye Friday, leave his desk, take hishand-held mic, walk over to our studio, and hand it over to Jay, right on the air..." "Pass the Baton." "And you suggested this?" "To whom?" "Peter lassally, it was like I peed on his shoe." "Well, you know," "I think they might wanna finishup on their own terms, Helen." "You'll have plenty of timefor your own ideas." "We sure will, starting Monday." "Now, I wanna talkabout the ad again." "We've been over this, Helen, and, we can't buy an adfor Jay in Friday's paper, because we've already boughta full-page ad there, to say good-bye to Johnny." "Why can't nbcbuy a full-page ad, to welcome jayto face Johnny's ad?" "Because, asi told you before, the paper's doing it'sown full page of stories, saluting Johnny onthe page opposite the ad, and we're notgonna crowd that with a "welcome Jay" ad, that's it, end of story, Helen." "No, it's not end of story, that ad's goin' in Friday." "If nbc won't buythe fucking thing," "I'll pay for it myself, but that ad is going in." "No, it isn't going in, andit's not gonna be your money, and you're not doing itbecause I will not allow it." "We've thought about it, we've listened, and we've made a decision, and that decision is final." "I knew I could expectshit like this from a dickless wonder like you.Well, fuck you, Helen, fuck you and the horseyou rode in on!" "We're not gonna do this, I will not allow it." "You closed Jay'scontract, didn't you?" "You're out ofyour fucking mind!" "But, I gotthe fucking show anyway." "I can see that this manis embraced by this... it's your only naturaltalent Warren, fucking up!" "Enough, it's over, done." "So, this is it, huh?" "I am one of the lucky peoplein the world because," "I got to do something, I've always wanted to do, and, I've enjoyedevery minute of it..." "And, I can only tell you, it's been an honor, to comeinto your homes, and let me entertain you." "And, I hope when I dofind something that I wanna do, you will still invite meinto your home, as you always have..." "I bid you a veryheartfelt good-bye." "Is this whereyou want me to stand?" "I always stand right here." "Where the fuckis Billy crystal?" "And why hasn'the arrived yet?" "Stand up straight, for chrissake." "You're the host ofthe tonight show!" "So Jay, how's it goin'?" "Hey, you know me." "Yeah, mr." "Stress." "You look like you'reready to take a nap." "Maybe I will." "I just want toget it over with." "You know, I think we shouldlose the second perot joke." "Don't you think itmight be appropriate, to say somethingnice about Johnny?" "Early in the show?" "That wasn'tmy decision." "But still..." "Bob Wright?" "Him I guessi have to talk to." "Hi, Bob!" "So nice of you tocheck in today." "Thanks, Helen." "I just called towish Jay well tonight." "I'm sure he's gonnahave a great show." "Thanks, I'm doing all I canto make sure that happens." "I'm sure you are." "Listen," "Helen." "I did have oneother thought." "What's Jay gonna doto thank Johnny?" "We're not gonnado anything." "I'd like to hear why.You wanna know why?" "Okay." "The new show is going to bedifferent from the old show." "We don't want to looklike we're beholdento Johnny's old audience." "Get thatoutta here!" "Every comic knows you salutethe last guy to get moreapplause for yourself." "That's kiss-up stuff, jay doesn't do kiss-up." "I think it's aterrible mistake, Helen." "It boils down tosimple politeness." "I would really like foryou to go down there and tell Jay to saysomething like..." ""I wouldn't be herebut for John."" "I'm not gonna go to jayone hour before a live broadcast and tell him to insert sometribute to Johnny Carson." "Absolutely not." "I appreciate your good wishes, and I'll tell Jay you called." "From the nbc studios in Burbank, the tonight show, with Jay leno." "Featuring branford marsalis, and the tonight show band." "Tonight, Jay welcomescomedian Billy crystal." "And musical guest, garth Brooks." "And now, Jay leno!" "You're gonnalove this." "I got officialnotice from c.A.A." ""All future business activityfor David letterman, will be handled throughmichael ovitz's office." "What, is he tryingto get sprung?" "He'd have to hiregod for that!" "Well, let'sthink about this." "Dave didn't hire Mike ovitz toget a five-year-deal out of us to stay at 12:30, that's nota big enough move for him." "This only works, if he getsll:30 for Dave." "You're notlistening, Warren." "Dave can bring machiavelliback from the dead, it still does notdo him any good." "I made this deal." "We've got full protection, what is he gonna do?" "Ovitz, huh?" "Put him on televisionin Venezuela?" "!" "Come on!" "This letterman contracthas clauses in it a prisonerwouldn't have!" "How the hell dowe get him out of it?" "Give me allthe bad news." "Whatever deal we makethey have the right to match, and they can take a full yearto match which means, they could keep himoff the air if they want." "That sounds like somethingyou'd have in a deal for a sports announcer fromsome local radio station." "Gets worse, nbc has firstnegotiating position." "We can't even talk a dealwith anybody but them, for 18 months, no offers, nothing." "Okay, so we don'tnegotiate." "We can still talkto people, right?" "Sure, we can talk, what then?" "Then weset up pitches." "We can't pitch letterman around, mike, nbc would challenge it." "No, we don't pitchdavid letterman to anybody." "They pitch themselves to us, we reverse the process." "And it's legal too?" "Yes!" "We can't stop somebodyfrom talking to us." "Pardon me." "Rod." "Howard, oh, I beg your pardon." "I made the planein 14 seconds!" "I'm glad, all the heavy weightsare coming in." "I heard eisner's goingto pitch Disney himself." "I wish they'd made itclearer earlier that this wasa true pitch." "Morton calledme yesterday and told me they'dsee me here." "That's the first timei knew I had to come." "All I had in the hamptonswas this old suit." "And then I get onthe plane, I realize" "I have no bloodycuff links." "Paper clips." "I'm just afraidletterman will see them and conclude Larry tischis an even bigger tight-wad than g.E., whichisn't far wrong." "Hey, rod." "Hi, rod." "Gentlemen, I'm sorry, we'reunder a bit of a time constraint so I just wanted to saywe're here because we wanna get acquaintedwith how you do business, and to see how Dave mightfit in with your plans." "I would like to reiteratethis is not a negotiation." "It is, for want ofa better word, a process." "Howard, would you liketo speak for CBS?" "Terrific." "David, I know that youhave an appreciation for the history and traditionof broadcasting." "Much of that traditionhas been written by CBS." "Even in englandwe knew Jack Benny, and Lucy, and gleason." "Does David lettermanfit that tradition?" "Like a glove." "The point is, the CBS of the present, can give you whatyou want, David... affiliate strength." "Strongmanagement, excellent promotion, and yes, we have space availableat 11:30 every weeknight." "And we're a network." "We're what youwant, Dave." "We're a home." "Michael." "Thank you somuch for coming." "You have a young audience, we're theyoung network." "We're also the onlyones capable of offering you astart time of 11:00 pm." "That would give youthe jump on Mr. Leno." "Hi ya Robert, good to see you, thank you so muchfor coming." "Abc has always been thenetwork with young viewers." "We know how to reach thataudience and deliver it to you." "I'm not gonnasay here today what we're gonna doabout nightline, but..." "Hi Al, thank you for coming, I appreciate it." "We'll build the entiresyndication operationat Columbia around David lettermanand late night." "We expect we couldlaunch nationally with a lineupof stations as strong asany network's." "Ah, that soundsgreat, Bob, uh, Alan..." "Whatever." "Hi Brandon, I appreciate it." "Thank you." "At Paramount, we'veproved with arsenio we already know how tomake late night work in syndication." "I think it'sa perfect match... arsenio followedby letterman." "I'd follow the exampleof their nominee don't inhale!" "Listen to thisold fool." "On and on and on." "It's getting close to 11:00." "The local newswill start late." "Get warrenon the phone." "We reschedule ourfucking lives to do a live showso Jay can follow up their ghastly conventioncoverage with some new jokes." "Then they won't let uson the goddamn air." "Motherfuckers in newsfucking us again!" "Warren, they're lettingthis go on." "He's not gonnafinish by 11." "I swear to youi'm sending my audience home if you don't get thisover on time." "No, I'mnot losing it, you said you had thisunder control!" "Look, a pause, right there!" "They could'vecut him off!" "Get me gartner in Houston, goddammit!" "It's 11 p.M.ln the east right now!" "Mr. Gartner, phone for you." "Helen kushnickon the line." "Yeah, gartner here." "You promised me you'd beoff by 11, you shit-head." "I'm goin' live tonightso we can get some pay-off from your horseshitconvention coverage." "I'm accommodating you bygiving brokaw air time with Jay." "You get this gas bag reaganoff the air now or I'm not usingbrokaw tonight." "I don't give a shitif you use brokaw tonight or any other night, lady." "And let's getsomething straight." "I'm the presidentof nbc news." "You don't have anythingto do with what I do." "I'm taking youoff the air this time, you pompous ass." "There's only one personwho can take me off the air." "Bob Wright." "I'll give you his number, call him." "I don't need to callbob-fucking-Wright." "I'll send myaudience home and then you can call him and explain why "the tonight show" wasn't on the fucking air." "Because the news asshole couldn't get a horseshitspeech off on time!" "Send 'em home!" "Get them the fuck out of here!" "Helen, is this agood idea?" "Can we do this?" "Who the fuck made youthe executive producer?" "You do thefucking jokes." "I run the fucking show." "I've made the decision." "They fucked us, so nowthey don't get a show." "Get these fuckingpeople out of here now!" "There is no showfor them to see!" "Ladies and gentlemen, we have, what you might call, technical difficultiesright now." "It's a heckof a thing." "Have you been watchin'the convention coverage?" "I could've beena doctor!" "Yeah, that'snot the point..." "Oh, Rick." "We're runninga little late, but I think we'regonna be alright." "The show should start..." "I think around..." "That's greatwarren, but..." "Would you holdthat thought?" "What, what... what?" "What the hell?" "That ship has sailed, there's nobody here." "Jesus Christ, what, she sentthe audience home?" "We don't havea tonight show?" "You know," "I've already sold thisthing to advertisers." "Christ!" "She killeda scheduled show!" "My level of tolerancewith Helen kushnick is completelyused up." "So is ours." "That woman canceled "the tonight show"" "with noauthorization whatsoever." "We had less than half an hourto get that repeat on or we wouldhave gone dark." "She is completelyout of control." "That's become apparentto everybody now, Bob." "The problem iswhat do we do about it." "If we make a moveon Helen now," "Jay could be injured, maybeirreparably." "The guy seems to betotally dependent on her." "That's his problem, not ours." "It's ours if jaywalks off the show." "And the ratingshave been solid," "I hate to tamperwith the show." "Maybe..." "Maybe we should justlimp along for the a while." "And wait for herto self-destruct." "She will, soon, the way she's going." "Then it won't be anissue with Jay..." "And we won't haveto pay her off." "I think it's moreapparent than ever before, that we should keep ouroptions open with letterman." "If you two want to limpalong with this situation, that's your call." "But at some point, and it's gettingto be soon, it's gonna be my call." "I'd just like to saythank you, to all of you, for this wonderful tribute." "It has been one ofthe most memorable nights, of my life." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "Maybe it's time forus to talk, Bob." "You heard aboutkushnick, huh?" "I'm not going to getin the middle of whatever you needto do with kushnick." "But if you thinkit's time to get serious aboutdoing something with Dave," "I have a fewsuggestions." "I'd like to hear them." "I think it's..." "Hey, how are you?" "Nice to see you." "I think it'simportant for nbc, if you're really seriousabout keeping Dave, to start creatingsome goodwill." "There's enough animosityin this relationship to start a small war." "In my mind it's all beenstupid and unwarranted." "Thank you." "I'm all forgoodwill." "What do youhave in mind?" "We're prevented frompursuing offers for David because we arerequired by nbc, to negotiatewith them first." "But that clause onlyserves to insure that David is not goingto listen to any initial offersyou might make, generous as they may be, because naturally he isgoing to want to testthe waters elsewhere." "So we can allplay this game, or we could just loosenthe chains a little bit." "How?" "You can allow us to solicitother offers openly." "After all, you stillretain matching rights." "Seems like we'reconceding a lot for the sake ofgoodwill." "Maybe you could offersomething in return?" "Our sales departmenthas told me that we've sold the letterman showto the end of June." "But, as you know," "David's contractis up April 2nd." "So if we don'tresign him, we'll have toreturn that money." "Unless..." "Unless we give youa three month extension." "Okay, alright, so that's the deal." "We give you three months, you free us upto negotiate." "Do you think davidwould see that as a gestureof goodwill?" "I believe I canassure you that he would." "Hello, Howard." "Mike!" "Listen, we're readyto talk seriously now." "Robert Morton on three." "Morty, how arethings in New York?" "New York is great, it's great to talk to you too." "I'm sure you'requite busy with the show." "Yeah, I'm damn busy, so what's up?" "You've probably beentoo busy to realize that you've doublebooked one of our guests." "Apparently you've gotroger daltry the same weekwe've got him." "Now I'm sure this is justan oversight by your staff." "But, I thought I should call, and just let you knowthe way we work things." "We always had this "gentlemen'sagreement" with Johnny..." "Hey morty, haven't you noticed," "I'm no gentleman!" "Well, Helen, it's just thatthe record company is telling us you're trying toforce daltry into cancelling hisappearance with us." "He's our guest, Helen." "He is?" "Well let me helpyou out here, morty." "You have no power with nbcto back you up with guests." "You really think nbc isgonna back your show, over mine?" "Your guy wasthe loser, remember?" "That's a cheap shot, Helen!" "Well, you can expect morewhere that came from!" "You have no fuckin' cluewhat's goin' on at the network, you're helpless!" "You really ought have medo your next contract for ya', you're making bupkis next to me!" "You know, I thought we were friends." "But, you know, let me tell you something," "I will fight youon daltry and I'll fight you on everyguest you try to steal." "Ooh, good luck, mighty mouse!" "It's kushnick on one." "Helen!" "Kenny, I'll get rightto the point." "We see Travis'sbillboards all over town, we wanna to book him." "That's great, Helen, that's really nice." "When do..." "We want him this week." "When he's here for the concert." "Gee I'm sorry, he's on arsenio." "Wednesday.Yeah, I know." "My bookers told me, so, cancel it." "Arsenio's over with, he's in the toilet." "He advertisersare deserting' him." "By the end of the year therewon't even be an arsenio!" "Well, he's on the air now, and we're committed there." "I guess you'renot hearing me." "Let me spell itout for you... if you want travison this show ever again, you better breakthat date with arsenio." "I think you need toknow something about me." "I don't respond wellto threats." "Maybe I could offeryou something else." "We have a movie of the weekcoming up we need to promote, with Kenny Rogers, Travis and Naomi judd." "What if I could get themall for the same..." "Excuse me, thisain't merv Griffin." "We don't dofuckin' theme shows, you dumb shit-kickin' hick.!" "Let me breakthe news to ya'." "Not only is Travis tritt not gonna do "the tonight show" ever again, but you and I are gonna being this town for a long time." "We're gonna see each other, and we're nevergonna to talk again." "It's your fucking loss, and the recordcompany's." "Ken, the booking officefrom leno just called.." "Trisha yearwood's appearance has been canceled." "Trisha yearwood has beenbooked with leno for months." "How can Helen get awaywith this crap?" "I'm not going to take it!" "Get me Robert hilburnat the L.A. times." "Brace yourself, warren." "Ken kragen has gonepublic about Helen." "Holy hell isbreaking loose." "This is it!" "Even Jay can see, she's totallyout of control." "Independent verification." "Helen has one option." "She accepts thisredefinition of duties or she's off the show." ""Can't book guests"..." "I don't do that already, we have bookers for that." ""Can't cancel guests"..." "I've nevercanceled a guest, no matter what the fuckin' L.A. times says." ""Cannot talk to the media", well, that's a relief." "Who needs that?" "This is no redefinitionof my duties." "It's what I've beendoin' all along." "If you sign this, we'll hold your feetto the flame on every issue." "When they put John sununuout of the white house, everything fell apart." "You guys want me to provei can be a good little girl." "Would any of this be pulledwith a male executive producer?" "Bullshit!" "Well, okay, I can bea good little girl." "Who the fuck are youto tell me what to do?" "Try to controlyourself, Helen." "Stop fuckingwith me, Warren." "I know what you're up to." "You've made a messof prime time." "You know you can't measure upto the job Brandon did!" "So this is all you can doto try to save your own ass is to come after me." "Hey Warren, did youknow they're talking to don ohlmeyerfor your job?" "And kerry mccluggage?" "So go fuck yourself, warren." "I mean, you've had a lotof practice at that, right?" "Helen!" "She'll never makeit as a diplomat." "If you love her, get her out of here." "She needs help, Jay.We all need help, Warren." "The numbers are still good, isn't that what's important?" "It doesn'tmatter." "You're approaching disaster." "Helen haspushed too far." "The whole town isrising up against her." "It's not as easyas you think." "Helen made all thishappen for me." "You know what I was doin'before I met Helen," "I was workin'in strip clubs!" "I wasn't gonna be onany television show." "An agent once told Mei had a face that would scaresmall children." "I'm the host ofthe tonight show." "Helen kushnickgot it for me." "And she couldlose it for you, too." "Great!" "17 years you knowis an awful long..." "Her son died of aids, you know." "The hospital gave him a badtransfusion, a 3-year-old baby!" "That was aterrible tragedy, Jay..." "Her husband gotcolon cancer, he died ayear after that.." "She had a mastectomy..." "Jerry kushnickon his deathbed, on his deathbed, he asked meto take care of her." "I recognize you haveintense feelings about this." "You have every reason tofeel loyalty to Helen." "But we're past that." "Now, I was a psychologymajor in college, and what John and iare doing with you now, we would have tocall an intervention." "What you see as loyalty toa woman who has suffered deeply, we see as a formof addition." "She cannot continue toproduce a television show in thiscondition." "Helen is either gonnatake you down, or you are goingto separate from her." "But she is notgoing to take me down." "She is fired." "If we have towe'll bar her from the lot." "What if I were towalk out with her?" "If you can'tseparate from Helen, that's a big mistake." "I regret it, but wehave choices to make." "And the choice I have to makeis to tell David letterman that it's time to takeover the tonight show." "I suspect Peter lassallyand David, could be in Burbank on 24 hours notice." "You guys woulddo that to me?" "I will absolutely do that, that's how strongly we feel." "I need a commitmentfrom you Jay." "Will you beat work tomorrow?" "Is what you're saying isthat if I don't come to work," "I'm gonna be fired." "I'm not sayingthat exactly." "But is that what you mean," "I'm gonna be fired ifi don't show up for work?" "Jay, are you looking forsome legal justification for breaking with Helen?" "It's a simple questionjust tell me." "If I don't cometo work tomorrow, are you gonnafire me?" "Yes, I guesswe're saying that." "You guys canlet yourselves out." "Agoglia handed this to mewhen I came in." "They'refiring me." "I told him you'dnever stand for this." "What do you want meto do about it, Helen?" "Issue a statementbacking me." "Then we just go onwith the show." "Just like that?" "Aren't you still fired?" "Not if you don't accept it." "They'll neverlet you go." "All you have to do isthreaten to quit." "They'll cave, they've got no balls." "You know whatthey told me?" "They told me they were gonnafire me and bring in David." "Bullshit!" "These guyshate letterman." "All we gotta do isstay strong, honey." "Everything is allout of control now." "Hold it, don't yougive me this shit too." "Not you." "Who do you think pulled you outof those shit-hole clubs?" "Who got you on television, on letterman?" "I remember." "You, who wasn't blonde, who wasn't from the midwest." "15 years ago, this town, the Carson people, they wouldn't let youplay on their field!" "So I had tomove the game." "Sorry, assholes, the game's over here now." "I moved the game!" "Who the hell do youthink forced Carson out so you could get the bestfucking job in comedy?" "Forced Carson out, johnny quit!" "Sure he quit!" "Because hecouldn't take the heat anymore." "I got the affiliateson your side." "I got the network tokiss your Italian ass." "I got page one of thefucking New York post to bury that fossilcarson, all for you!" "What do you mean you gotpage one of the post?" "You told me we didn't haveanything to do with that story." "For chrissake, grow up." "You lied to me?" "We've alwaysplayed the same game." "You never want to knowwhat I'm doing for you, so you can bemr." "Nice guy." ""Booking war, what do I know?" "Helen handles that, I do the jokes."" "You just want me tokeep serving' you the steaks, you never wanna know howi'm slaughtering the cow." "I can't believeyou lied to me." "We needed the story, it helped us." "I did it for you!" "I called Johnny." "And I told him itdidn't come from us." "Because you told methat it didn't come from us." "I can't believe you had melie to Johnny Carson." "Big fucking deal, so go to fucking confession!" "I got a showto do, Helen." "Godammit!" "What areyou doin'?" "Jay, honey, let'sget this ironed out." "We can work somethingout with nbc." "No Helen, they want you out.So do I." "What about taking careof me and my kid?" "You sat there onjerry's deathbed, you said, "I'll take care ofyour wife and daughter."" "I heard you say that!" "I did say that, and I meant it then." "But now, Helen, youalmost cost me this job." "You don't need this job, I've been on the phone." "I guarantee us a job, 25 million." "We can walkout of here." "Good-bye, helen." "Don't you leave me, you two-faced bastard!" "What do youwant to do?" "You wanna break this?" "You wanna break this!" "It's broken." "Warren littlefield'soffice." "Yeah it's Jay, is he in?" "Sure." "Yeah Warren, you gotta help methrough this." "Absolutely." "You gotta help me, I'm moving forward with you." "I'm doin' the show." "She's no longerthe executive producer." "I'm no longer in businesswith Helen kushnick." "I had awonderful time!" "Can you guys comein here please?" "Hey everybody, come on in here." "I just have a few thingsi wanna say to everybody." "It'll just takea few minutes, okay?" "Great show tonight..." "So I wanted to takea few minutes to, apologize for all the crazinessthat's been goin' on around here, the past few months." "I listened to helenand it was a mistake, and I shouldn'thave done it, and I'm sorry for it." "So pleasestay with me," "I'm gonna try and make it upto each and every one of you, and let's just keep doin'the best shows that we can do!" "So to you, I thank you very much." "Thank youso much." "Way to go, Jay!" "We're behind you!" "What a place!" "Oh my God, there'smore fruit in here!" "Is it scurvy, Mike, can you see it on my skin?" "!" "Pete, have a seat andtake that silly rug off!" "Morty, for God's sakes, straighten your tie, this isn't a tractor pull!" "Alright, here we go!" "These are summaries of all theoffers David has on the table." "They're all in the same range... 12 to 14 million a year, depending on how well you do." "We also have a couple of thoseoversized syndication offers, like the 50 millionfrom viacom..." "Syndication givesme the willies!" "He wants a network." "Abc passed becausewe wouldn't acceptmidnight after "nightline"." "Fox is..." "Fox is fox, 3/4 ofa network, at best." "So, that leaves uswith CBS." "Suddenly ouroptions are narrowed." "The good news, David, is thatcbs really has stepped up." "They're offeringyou 12.5, but that will escalateas your demographics improve." "What did they sayabout the clearance issue?" "Nbc's is puttingthe tonight show, on what, 99% of affiliates..." "We're only get about 65%of the affiliates in year one." "Howard stringer promisesthey'll get it up to 90% by the end of year three, at the very, very latest." "In spite of theselimitations, Dave," "I think that stringer is anextremely competent executive." "And if you go to CBS, there is no doubt, you will become theirnumber one signature star." "I can't put aprice tag on that." "There is one problem thatwe now have to deal with." "And that is that nbcstill has the right, to match this offerwithin 30 days." "So nbc matches the offer, I'm stuck at 12:30, for the restof my life!" "Not necessarily..." "We've come upwith something extra." "The CBS deal hasa penalty clause." "CBS agrees togive you a show, that airs beforemidnight eastern time, or they owe you50 million." "50 million!" "That's no penalty, that's capital punishment." "It's not evengonna faze CBS because they're givingyou 11:30 anyway." "But it's going tomake nbc choke." "Cool!" "It's c.A.A.'Sformal recommendation that you accept the CBS offer, and so inform nbc." "Congratulations, Dave." "Taxi!" "Where are you goin'?" "I got a datedowntown." "Really, another one, who's left?" "David." "You know there's still onepromise ovitz hasn't kept." "Maybe nbc's happywith what they got." "If nbc were to offeryou the tonight show, would you stillaccept it?" "We've had this conversation, of course I would," "I want that show," "I just wanted to hear you say it again." "Where are you goin'?" "Pete?" "David." "Bob Wright ishere to see you." "Here?" "Um-hmm." "Hello, David!" "Hey Bob, how are ya'?" "It's good to see ya', thanks for comin' down." "Pete, why don'tyou come on..." "I'm sorry, I have thingsto do down the hall." "Thanks, Peter.You bet, Bob." "Hey Bob, thanksfor comin' down." "Thank you forhaving me." "Make yourselfat home." "You like that?" "You want one, there you go." "Thank you.You own it." "David..." "I reallydon't want you to leave your familyhere, at nbc." "I'm here because I wantdesperately to prevent that." "I wanna offeranything I can." "Is there anything I can offerto get you to stay?" "Those are warmsentiments, Bob." "Thank you." "Well, of courseyou know I would stay." "But you've alreadyfilled your 11:30 slot." "I can offer almostanything else." "Prime-time, specials..." "I know, Bob..." "It's just, prime-time," "I'm a creatureof late night." "I always have been andthat's who my audience is." "The guys on thewest coast say you may have troubleadjusting to 11:30." "Alright, listen, those guys are entitledto their opinion, but," "I'm tellin' you I thinkthat they're wrong." "I think thati am ready, and I've givena lot of thought to what it will taketo shift to an 11:30 position." "I know it's adifferent audience." "And if that means bookingdifferent types of guests, or country music mixedin with the rock." "Whatever it takes." "And I can alsotemper my own act." "I'm a professional, I know how to do that." "I have no doubtthat you can." "And I see that you havegiven this a lot of thought." "I have, but, all the same," "I just have to tell ya', that it's time." "I gotta move up." "And if I don't do it now," "I'm not evergonna do it." "It's time to move." "John, have you heard anythingnew from ovitz?" "Nothing new, nothing old, lots of nothing." "What's Wright saying?" "He says he's waitin'to hear from ovitz." "He's leaningtowards letterman." "I told Jay, west coastis behind him, but I can't speakfor New York." "You're worriedabout Boca?" "Once again, jay and Dave are in competitionwith one another." "New York likes Dave so muchthey don't wanna let him go." "I like Dave, he's my friend," "I love this show," "I'm not asking themto not like Dave!" "Why does it have to beeither or?" "These network guys, they can't make up their mind." "They think they canjust flip a coin," "Dave or Jay, Jay or Dave, it doesn't matter to them." "Do you think that'swhat the meeting's about?" "Choosing betweenyou and Dave?" "I don't care whatthe meeting's about," "I've given them everythingthey've asked for." "I've given them the demo's, I've given them the numbers..." "If I'm the one goin' down," "I'm goin' downswingin!" "Hey, where'srick ludwin?" "He left to be in on thatconference call from Boca." "Guess what that'sgonna be about?" "Hey, everybody, I'm gonna cutthe post-mortem short tonight." "It was a greatshow, really." "I'll talk to youtomorrow." "And I'll see youat the house later." "Alright?" "Okay, thanks." "Are you reading us okay, can you hear us?" "Yeah, I hear you all fine." "You settled in?" "You orderthe pizza yet?" "Thanks for joining us, Rick." "We're here to discuss andfigure out everybody's opinion on what we should doabout late night." "I think this should havebeen settled long before now." "Jay has the job, he's doinggreat he has a great attitude." "Whoa, wait a minute." "I thought we weretalk this thing out." "Not do self-servingcommercials." "If you want the executiveproducer job that bad, Rick, kiss Jay's assin private, okay?" "We all seethe job Jay is doing." "His selection ofmusical acts, unoriginal comedypast the monologue." "And his piss-poorinterviewing." "Which, by the way, looks like it willnever get any better." "Let's talk about what wethink it would really cost us, to match CBS's offer, for letterman." "And on the other hand, and if leno quitsto go to CBS, are we out from underthe 10 million we owe him if we fired him?" "Warren, I've got someseris concerns here, and I don't think you canjust throw off Jay..." "Jack, it's very goodof you to come so late." "Please sit." "And keep talking, everybody." "I'm just here to listen." "Sorry it's so warm, the air conditioning went out." "Warren, whydon't you continue." "My fear is thatletterman won't cooperate." "It's not in his personality, he'll stiff us." "Remember, this is the guywho kicks nbc executives out of hisanniversary parties." "Excuse me for a minute..." "There's still a seriousquestion that his act can play an hourearlier." "A lot of usthink it won't." "And don't forget." "With leno, we ownthe show again." "Letterman wants toown his show." "Then he has all theancillary profits." "May I saysomething here?" "Jack, please, of course." "I'm not a regularlate night viewer, so I would neverpresume to make a call about who'sthe best comedian." "All I want to say is this... as always I'm for whateveris the best business deal." "That's for you Bob andyour people to determine." "However, if the decision comesdown to a tie on all angles," "I'd cast my votefor loyalty." "Goodnight." "Goodnight Jack, thanksvery much for dropping by." "We'll meet againtomorrow..." "Hey Warren, it's Jay." "How ya' doin'?" "Hey, I know you'reprobably all tired from sittin'through those boringg.E. Meetings all morning." "I bet I caught you justas you were about to sit down, on the toilet." "That was quite a meetingyou had last night." "I hope g.E. Protects it'snuclear secrets better than they protect theirlate night secrets!" "I thought it was too badto hear that dick ebersol was no Jay leno fan." "Although it was goodto know that." "Jack Welch was isin favor of loyalty." "As long as it came downto a "tie on all angles"" "holy shit, Jay!" "How the hell do you getyour information?" "Well, I may look stupid, but you know, I'm Italian." "I know how tofind information." "Listen Jay, don't tellanybody about this." "Warren, you don'thave to worry, your secrets aresafe with me." "I won't breakthe g.E. Code." "Have a wonderful time inbeautiful sunny Florida!" "Betty, we have a security leakof enormous proportions." "Paul schaffer, ladies and gentlemen." "Well, that sucked!" "Let's see how bad we canwrite tomorrow's." "John, you have sometop ten..." "The top ten reasonssinead o'Connor hates the pope." "No, no, no can do." "We got a memo from nbc." "Standards and practicesis rip-shit over tearing the pope in half on Saturday night live." "I don't care..." "No sinead o'connorjokes, Dave!" "And now nbc's telling us whatjokes we can and can't do?" "!" "Something in that survey "tasty hot meal" on my desk?" "!" "Ah fuck." "Alright, the top ten jokesthat nbc won't let us do." "Peter liked it, peter liked that joke." "Laurie, you likethat joke?" "Yeah." "Mike ovitzis on line one." "Alright, fellas, let's go, I gotta take this call." "Come on, it's adult swim, get outta here." "Don't come backuntil it's funny." "You guys wanna hear this?" "Oh yeah." "Alright, you ready?" "Hi ya' Mike, how are ya'?" "Dave, one hour ago Bob wrightconveyed to us an offer for you to host the tonight show." "Don't jumpto any conclusions." "Let me layall this out." "The deal is for three yearswith an option." "The salary range is7 to 12 million." "Here's the wrinkle... the deal does not commenceuntil may of 1994." "18 months from now." "What's all that about?" "It's rather transparentlynbc's attempt to keep both you and leno, at least for a while." "The may date, as I understand it, coincides with the endof leno's contract as the host ofthe tonight show." "But I get the show?" "Yes." "I just don't get it now?" "No." "I get it a year from may?" "Yes." "And they don'tforce Jay out?" "No, unless he quits, which I assume he might." "Maybe that's whatthey want him to do." "Jay's gonna quit?" "Not a chance!" "Jesus, can you believe this?" "Let me point outa few more things..." "CBS is offeringmore salary," "CBS is offeringownership." "CBS is also offering forthe show to start in the fall, nbc the followingspring... maybe." "What's that, what's maybe?" "I mean that the dealis obviously very smokyin many details." "But I get the show, right?" "No, not necessarily, David." "The waiting period gives Jay 18months to make the show a hit." "If he does, nbc will find a wayto weasel out of the deal." "Honestly, c.A.A. Sees no reasonto change it's recommendation." "Mike, listen." "You don't understand, it's every driver's dreamto drive a Ferrari." "You're asking meto give that up." "I can probablybuy some time." "The nbc deadline is Monday." "I could get agoglia in hereon Saturday and Sunday and have him startdrawing up papers." "Yes, get agogliain there!" "I'm not gonnabe the only guy who's weekend isruined by this." "Have agoglia draghis tired ass to c.A.A., while I'm up inconnecticut in hell trying to figure out whati'm going to do with my life!" "Dave?" "Dave!" "What?" "!" "Hello, David." "Hi ya, Pete!" "Welcome to myweekend in hell!" "No movement since Friday?" "And agoglia's not puttin'anything in writing." "Ovitz says nbccan't take the risk that it would leak." "And Jay would figure outthey've offered his job to me." "Can you imagine if the pressheard about this?" "Do you thinkjay knows?" "No, how can he?" "But it's worth thinkingwhat it will mean to Jay if you take this." "It means you'll bedenounced in the press for shoving anold friend under a train." "Jeez, that's horrible." "I can't worryabout that." "Have you talkedto anyone else?" "Yeah, I've talkedto everybody." "I've talked to hal, morty, rob, jude..." "And what do they say?" "They all said the same thing, it's a shitty deal." "CBS offereda better one." "I tell ya', Pete," "I'm still thinkingof taking it." "I want that show." "What show?" "I deserve that show!" "Johnny's show?" "Don't youget it, David?" "They're not offering you the "Johnny Carson tonight show"." "That isgone forever." "They're offering youdamaged goods." "They're offering youthe Jay leno show." "And they're not evenoffering it now." "They're making you wait." "I lost that show once, I'm not gonna do it again." "I just can't say no." "Then don't say yes yet, make one more call." "Why are youdoing this to me?" "Don't you understand, I don't care!" "I cannot lose the tonight show twice." "Once to Jay leno..." "And once because I was too dumbto take a second chance." "They're offering mea second chance, Pete!" "David, you don'tunderstand." "I am the guy that movedheaven and earth to get youthat second chance." "And I'm tellin' you, it's not right." "It's left-overs, it's shoddy." "Call the one guyin all the world who can help youfigure this out." "Hello." "Uh, Johnny, it's Dave." "I hate to bother you ona Sunday, like this but..." "I know why you'recalling, Dave." "Peter filled me inon the nbc offer." "Listen, I just hate to put youon the spot like this." "But you may bethe only guy who really understandsthis sort of thing." "What do you think?" "I think you gotta dowhat's best for your career." "I mean, do what'sin your heart." "Johnny, it's justthose two things seem to bein direct conflict." "It's just so tough!" "I just have to ask youstraight out, Johnny." "What would you do?" "Well, Dave, I wouldprobably walk." "Now, I'm not telling youto do that." "But if you're asking mewhat I would do if I was treatedlike this, yeah," "I would probably walk." "Yeah, I imagineyou would, Johnny." "Listen, I reallyappreciate this." "It's just awfullynice of you." "Thanks." "Good luck, Dave." "Everyone here wants to knowwhat's going on in late night." "And the answer is... the host of the tonight show will continue to be Jay leno!" "How ya'll doing'?" "Don't let these nbc guysout of your sight!" "Oh, hi ya', Warren." "Welcome to nbc, which stands for... never believe your contract!" "They say we're living ina time of lowered expectations." "They must be right, because look at this." "You're all hereand I have the job." "What we're celebrating isthat I haven't been fired!" "Okay, let's go." "It's our turn, now." "Hold it." "Gentlemen, we're justgoing from one bizarrecircumstance to the next." "I never dated Amy fisher!" "I helped her with her homeworki fixed her car, and that's it!" "Thank you, andgoodnight." "What about Paul shaffer, is he coming along?" "Paul who?" "Oh, Paul shaffer!" "Oh no, God, we forgot about Paul!" "Howard, is there just a little bit left overfor Paul shaffer?" "Dave, are you gonnakick Jay leno's ass?" "I'm gonna kickyour ass, buddy!" "Is your comedy too "hip" for 11:30?" "Well, you people seemto be keeping up." "Do you realize whatwe've got riding on Jay leno?" "A whole lotta moneyand my ass." "Dave's really good." "I hope we haven'tmade a mistake." "* there's no businesslike show business * * like no businessi know * * all made up and soonyou'll be appearing * * every bit of nervousnessis gone * * and the sound that'smusic to your hearing *" "* to hear them cheeringwhen you come on * * there's no peoplelike show people * * they smilewhen they are low * * how I wish the folks at homecould only see * * what's come to Annie, how proud they'd be *" "* gettin' paid for doin'what comes naturally * * lets' goon with the... * * show"