"Each character in this tale is going to be represented by a different instrument of the orchestra." "For instance, the bird will be played by the flute, like this." "Here's the duck, played by the oboe." "The cat, by the clarinet." "The bassoon will represent Grandfather." "The blast of the hunter's shotguns, played by the kettledrums." "The wolf, by the French horns." "And Peter, by the strings." "Are you sitting comfortably?" "Good." "Then I'll begin." "Okay." "It's a safe deposit box." "Number 1606." "My guess, they stashed the stamp there." "What about the key?" "Wouldn't I need the..." "Lost when you redecorated the study, tell him." "Oh." "Don't forget." "Got that meeting with the high roller later." "Burt Lurdsman, plumbing supplies." "I really feel like this is it." "Our ship coming in." "Remember." "Richest guy in the room is always the boss." "Welcome to Capley Bank and Trust." "You picking up or dropping off?" "What?" "Oh, I'm just playing." "You wanna make a withdrawal or a deposit?" "Oh!" "I..." "I, uh..." "Oh." "It's okay, Milly." "I got this." "Sorry about that, ES." "Milly just moved down from Bemidji." "You've got to learn the faces, huh." "Sorry." "No, that's..." "Everybody has a first day." "Would you get the man a cream soda, for shit's sakes?" "Jeez!" "Thanks again for those Gopher seats." "Ham was tickled pink." "My sister's boy." "You remember?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, of course." "I, uh..." "You know, I don't got a lot of time here." "Oh, should be back in a snap, Milly." "Uh..." "More in the "nice to look at" category than, say, brainiac." "I was hoping to get into my box." "You've been working out, yes?" "You seem bulked up." "Been hitting the weight room?" "I, uh..." "Hitting the buffet, more like." "What with the wedding and all." "Oh, I hear you." "All that cake tasting." "I am so sorry, Mr. Stussy." "No, that's..." "You're fine." "Let the man breathe, girl." "Uh..." "I lost the key, is the thing, to my box." "Redecorating, thrown out with the old credenza, you know." "Is that gonna be..." "'Cause what's in there, I really need, you know, today." "Well..." "Uh..." "Hate to be a stickler, ES, but, uh, without the key, well, we, uh..." "No, I, uh..." "I..." "We have to drill the lock and, uh..." "I get it." "Makes sense." "What we should do is order a new key." "Won't take more than a week, and that way, you know, order's maintained." "You understand." "You know what?" "Forget it." "Just go ahead and pack up all my accounts." "I'll take a check if you don't have that much cash on hand." "Now, Emmit, there's no need to..." "No, it's fine." "I understand." "You don't want to help me." "A lost key like it's some kind of national tragedy, but you got your order." "Rules and the like, so I'll find a bank maybe puts the customer first." "Call Mike." "Hold on a sec, ES." "We're..." "You know what?" "We'll just drill that sucker." "No problemo." "It'll take two seconds and then you can..." "Whatever you need." "Just fetch whatever's in there." "Not that I know or need to know what's..." "So I don't have to carry my accounts over to Chase?" "Chase?" "That's, uh..." "You're such a kidder." "You really had me going there for..." "Let me just get my keys." "While you're at it, I'll take 10 grand in hundreds and a buck in quarters for the meter." "That's, uh..." "Well, of course." "You'll just have to fill out a..." "Or, you know what?" "I'll get the paperwork handled myself." "Although, ES, may I suggest, um, well, it's just that whenever you take out anything more than $10,000, it automatically triggers a..." "Buck, if I wanted an opinion from an asshole, I'd ask my own." "Got it?" "Well, don't keep me in suspense." "The stamp wasn't there, but I got this." "Christmas." "How much did he have, his account?" "I don't know." "Uh, maybe $1 million." "Your brother has $1 million, and you took, what is that, 10 grand?" "Now, see, that's the criminal mentality, your old life." "And what do you..." "Hardwired patterns." "But we're not crooks." "This is the principal, what's right, fair market value for the..." "What he took, the stamp." "Who's Luverne?" "He did what?" "Oh, believe me, I'm pretty ticked myself." "I loved that dog." "Plus the money, of course." "Christ on a stick, you think you know a guy." "I mean, used feminine hygiene products in a man's desk drawer is one thing, but now," "the ridicule of beloved remains." ""Cremains" is the, I think, preferred nomenclature." "This is the last thing we need." "What with this Varga mess and poor Irv not even being cold yet." "See and that's, uh..." "I was gonna talk to you about that." "Suicide is what the authorities..." "The conversation I had." "Old folks get depressed around the holidays and all that, but I don't know." "Character like this Varga," "I'm just saying, you can't put anything past him." "Christ." "What are we in the middle of?" "We ought to consider meeting this widow Goldfarb." "Sell the company?" "That's a little..." "No, no, not sell." "Just, I'm saying, take the meeting." "Buck says she's cash-rich and looking to buy in." "And it feels like we're getting pulled into something sticky here, so..." "Yeah." "Yeah, that's good thinking." "What the shit are they up to?" "When Putin was a boy, he already knew he wanted to be FSB." "He lived in the well, kept a photo of Bergin by his bed." "Bergin, who squats in 1920 dirt, gives birth of GRU, later KGB." "Godfather." "And this boy, Putin, he learns sambo, rules the yard school by his fist." "You see, in Russia, there are two words for truth." "Pravda is man's truth." "Istina is God's truth." "But there is also nepravda, untruth." "And this is the weapon the leader uses." "Because he knows what they don't." "The truth is whatever he says it is." "I don't get what's so complicated here." "You take a born loser, add a drug addiction, remove a job, fill his pockets with holes, mix in cold turkey, you think this guy isn't gonna drive around randomly looking for someone to rob?" "Yeah." "But then why tear a page out of the phonebook?" "Choose a house?" "Doesn't that imply that..." "There you go." "Using three-syllable words again for a one-syllable problem." "First, that's a two-syllable word..." "Let me tell you what I saw in Fallujah." "Men, okay?" "My men laying in the dirt with their guts in their boots." "How does that..." "With all respect..." "You know what an IED is?" "It's like car parts and dynamite." "You either run one over, or you don't." "That's it, see?" "It's random." "Or bombs in our American streets." "Who gets killed?" "Will you decide to walk your dog that morning or mow the lawn?" "Your problem is you're overcomplicating this." "Books under the floorboards, an unapproved trip to goddamn Hollywood." "Told you." "I'm paying for that myself." "Not the point." "Not the..." "Look, I get it's personal, this one." "But we're talking simple wrong place, wrong time." "A hopper with an itch on a spree who met the business end of a Maytag." "Cosmic justice, good riddance." "So what do you say we stamp this file "Case closed,"" "move on to the calm and orderly transition of power." "Sheriff, I hear you." "I do." "I'm not trying to stir things up." "No, I think you are." "I think you got resentments over being made to cow, kiss the ring." "I had boys like you in the service." "I'd tell them to go right, they go left." "All of them, to a man, went home in a bag." "Well, I'm home already, so I'm gonna spend a few more days on this one, see how it goes." "Hi." "I need the parole officer for Maurice LeFay." "Mmm-hmm." "That'd be Ray." "He's in with a felon at present." "Point me to the ladies." "Mmm-hmm." "Oh, Lord." "My Lord." "Come on already." "You wouldn't..." "Friend." "You wouldn't have a putter-inner by chance?" "How's that?" "Or a pad?" "This is not the way things were supposed to go, but the Lord must have..." "Not to get..." "Anyway, if you could find your way clear to abetting a sister in need, one who is supposed to be with child, but apparently is not..." "Uh, sorry, I don't have..." "Regulations, you know." "We're not meant to carry a purse, and I'm..." "It's not my time of the..." "I could ask the clerk." "She might have..." "Oh, no, don't burden yourself." "Well, what are the odds?" "Second female in uniform." "You said regulation, and I assumed..." "Winnie Lopez, Saint Cloud Metro." "Uh, Gloria Burgle, Eden Valley Police." "Oh, and chief to boot." "Uh, for the moment, anyway." "Sorry, I got about 100 pounds of TP crammed in there." "Been cranky as a female dog since breakfast, and now I know why." "We've been trying, me and Jerry, for months now." "Yeah." "Like those old Road Runner cartoons with the wolf and the sheep dog, how you punch a clock to go to work?" "It's mostly missionary, if I'm being honest." "We used to spice it up, but now it's about the shortest distance between two points." "I've..." "He'd pop faster from the back, if I'm being honest, but I think it's important to look each other in the eyes when it comes to making babies." "You got kids?" "Uh, one." "Nathan." "He's 12." "Oh, that's what Jerry wants." "A shortstop or a switch-hitting third baseman." "Me?" "I've got my fingers crossed for a girl." " Well, I better hit it." "Here on a 10-30, leaving the scene of the accident, except the vic don't wanna press charges, turns out so." "You?" "Um, murder." "Jeez!" "Yeah." "Well, happy trails." "I know, baby." "It's all I can think about, too." "I..." "Look, I'm no psychic, but how does he not fund us?" "And if not, well, we got capital now." "Oh, I've got to go." "Yeah." "Yeah, you, too." "I love you." "Hi." "I already told the other girl everything." "The other..." "Oh, no, sir, I'm not here about the accident." "Gloria Burgle, Eden Valley Police." "I'm, uh, looking into the, uh..." "The, uh, murder of..." "Now that is..." "Truly, what are the odds?" "You said "murder"?" "Yes, sir, of Ennis Stussy in Eden Valley." "And here you are, how many miles away, a Stussy as well." "Well, I mean, it's..." "Go figure." "It's a pretty common name." "I got cousins all over the darn place, not that I'm saying that this fellow was a cousin, although who knows?" "Could've been." "Well, reason I'm here, one of your cons, Maurice." "He's most likely the culprit." "We got evidence shows he broke into the victim's house, tore the place apart looking for something." "Hmm?" "Maurice LeFay?" "That's the one." "Air conditioner caved his cranium, I heard." "Heard that as well." "Saw it, in fact." "Not a pretty picture." "All the same, just 'cause the perp passes on doesn't mean the investigation halts." "There's a question of why." " "Why."" " Yes, sir." "Fellow drove 30 miles without knowing his destined address, finds Ennis out of the phone book, and then searches his house like he knows there's something there, like he's looking for something in particular." "It's unusual." "Well, I mean," "he liked his reefer." "Is that right?" "Smoked a heck of a lot." "In fact, he blew his piss test." "Was gonna grab him up when I heard the news." ""Death by major appliance."" "So I'm not sure how much more I can..." "But if I think of anything..." "All I can ask, sir, if something pops to mind." "We're moving offices, so I wrote the new number on the back." ""Chief."" "Ignore that." "We're doing some restructuring." "They always find a way to screw you, don't they?" "They try." "Jeez!" "Hey, Ray." "Yeah." "I'm just running out for a home inspection." "Yeah?" "Let's table that for now." "Yeah?" "Have a seat, Ray." "I, uh..." "You know the Deputy Director." "Yes, sir." "How are you today, sir?" "Shit sandwich." "It's a problem, Ray." "I, uh..." "Can't have this, Ray." "Intermingling with the clientele?" "You swore an oath." "Well, to be fair, sir..." "Not a literal oath, I'll give you that, but implied." "For Pete's sake, it's right there in the handbook." "Don't bang the cattle." "First off, there's probably broken glass down there." "Second..." "Second, it's against the damn law." "Which..." "I've got to give it to you." "The Swango skank, you could fry bacon on, but..." "Now, that's..." "I'm saying she's hot." "No, I..." "That's not the point." "That's right." "That's not the..." "Son, read my lips." "You're in a shit storm, and we're the ones holding out the umbrella." "You gonna take it?" "Well, that's..." "What is that..." "I'm saying that if you tell us that it was a one-time thing, that you lost your mind for a moment, then we can go to suspension." "Hmm?" "Huh?" "Slap you on the wrist, or maybe on the dingus would be better." "I love her." "Son." "That's wrong." "That's not the way to go here, Ray." "And you know what?" "She loves me." "Look at her." "A girl like that, and she loves me." "We're getting married." "We got plans, big plans." "Not if we revoke her." "Now, hold on just a..." "Consequences, Mr. Stussy." "That's the way the cookie crumbles." "Maybe a few months at Stillwater will straighten her out." "These rules aren't just for you, Ray." "What if she's manipulating you, using her poontang to hoodwink and bamboozle?" "See, that's what they do, son." "I thought you knew that." "Look." "Punish me." "That's fine, but don't..." "If there's any fealty whatsoever..." "She's not a recidivist." "We're not talking a common criminal here." "Whatever problems there were for her are in the past." "We..." "We've got plans, like I said." "Won bronze in the Wildcat regionals." "And there's a sponsor, Lurdsman." "He's a..." "Kitchen supplies or..." "He's gonna sponsor our run." "Bridge, we play." "For the love of God, you can't send her back." "You've got 10 minutes to clean out your desk." "Yes, sir." "Thank you, sir." "And you're gonna sign a paper saying that you're not gonna sue us for wrongful termination or whatever half-cocked scheme comes into your head once the shock wears off." "You got my word." "We had your word, for all the good it did us." "Good evening." "Stussy Lots." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "Be sure to tell him in the morning." "You have a good night yourself." "Sy." "Law enforcement's here." "That's, uh..." "Nobody asked for that." "Sir, I'm Officer Lopez, Saint Cloud Metro." "Is there a place we could talk in private?" "That's..." "I didn't call the police." "No, sir." "It's..." "I'm investigating an automotive flapper in the driver of a Humvee registered to this Stussy Lots." "Did vehicular damage to..." "Fine." "Fine." "Let's..." "Not here." "I just want to say upfront, this is a total waste of time." "Uh, yes, sir." "And I've already talked to the one complainant, and he's not interested in pressing charges." "See?" "To wit, one Raymond Stussy works for the parole board, and I have to ask, any relation to the Stussy on the marquee?" "That's fine." "I can check that." "It's just that, um..." "I ran the registration on the offending vehicle and saw that the Humvee in question was registered to your parking lot concern." "But it's unspecified in the paperwork as to who here is actually driving it." "Well, that's..." "I'd have to look." "That'd be great." "You mean now?" "If it's not too much trouble." "I mean, it's after hours." "People are out." "Just leave me your number." "The girl in HR can run it through in the morning." "What's her name?" "I'm sorry." "I'm confused." "You said..." "What I heard was the offended party wasn't interested in charges." "Right." "Yeah, that's complainant one." "Complainant two, the waitress I mentioned, she got hit on the way out of the lot." "She is hopping mad." "Just paid her wagon off, apparently." "That sounds like an insurance matter." "Yes, sir, except the driver in question left the scene of the accident at speed, and that's police." "Well, like I said, am I talking to myself here, or..." "Soon as the girl's in tomorrow," "I'll have her call up that info, and we'll get it over to you." "Okay, sir." "Well, I sure do appreciate your time." "Not sure what's keeping Ray." "He's super reliable normally." "You'll see." "A rock, really." "It's kind of his bellwether." "I'll..." "Let me call him again." "I feel that maybe we started poorly." "Jesus, it's dinnertime." "Schweinekoteletts." "Pork chops." "With applesauce, but..." "Marvelous." "We'll talk as we eat." "Now, that's not..." "Just a..." "Goddamn!" "A step too far is what this is." "Coming to my home." "Why do I feel that you're not happy we met when all I want to do is make you rich?" "Look around." "I'm already rich." "No, you're not." "I wish you'd let us sit at the real table." "In the dining room." "I'll let you into a secret, madam." "I was a housemaid's boy, and I ate three meals a day in a kitchen below ground, so you're making me feel right at home." "Mmm." "And how are you this evening, young lady?" "That's Mama, the matriarch." "But she doesn't talk, not since the stroke." "That's a shame." "I bet she had a lovely speaking voice." "I wish you'd told me about company." "Ah!" "That's my fault." "I do have a tendency to drop in unannounced, but, you see, the thing is," "Emmit and I have such amazing opportunities ahead of us that..." "Well, you know what they say about time being money." " Really?" " Mmm." "I don't want to talk business in front of them." "Emmit, don't be rude." "I don't mean to gossip, but, um, are you English by any chance?" "What gave it away?" "No, I like to think of myself as a citizen of the world." "London, Manila, Johannesburg, Tokyo, Rome." "You've been to all those places?" "Hmm." "And more." "In fact, that's what I want to talk to your husband about." "About broadening our partnership, or a broad in it, if you'll pardon the pun." "Partnership?" "He's exaggerating." "We have some dealings more in the realm of finance." "Yeah." "Maybe he's right." "We shouldn't be broadcasting our intentions." "It's just that your husband, madam, is a consummate businessman." "He's a true professional." "I learn something from him every day anew." "In fact," "I brought those contracts you asked me to draw up, if you'd like to review them." "And now might I be so forward, madam, as to ask for the location of your WC." "Our what?" "He means the crapper." "Emmit." "It's just down the hall on your right-hand side." "Right." "What?" "I'm not making you a partner in my company." "You just blew in on the wind Thursday." "I'm calling Sy." "Ah." "And here's me thinking you were the boss." "In the favelas of Brazil, there are six-year-olds with Glocks." "They roam in packs, stealing whatever they can find." "Mexican lowlifes stream into this country like wolves, eyeing our women and children." "In the Congo, a family of six live on 10 cents a day." "You turn on the TV, what do you see?" "Boat people." "Mass migration." "You're living in the age of the refugee, my friend." "Look, if you won't take back your money, well, I can't make you!" "You see it, don't you?" "Millions of people bought houses they couldn't afford, and now they're living on the streets." "85% of the world's wealth is controlled by 1% of the population." "What do you think is gonna happen when those people wake up and realize you've got all their money?" "Hey!" "I just charge for parking!" "Oh, you think they're gonna ask questions when they come with their pitchforks and their torches?" "You live in a mansion." "You drive a $90,000 car." "It's a lease through the company." "Look at me." "Look at me." "This is a $200 suit." "I wear a second-hand tie." "I fly coach." "Not because I can't afford first, because I'm smart." "So look at you, and look at me, and tell me who's the richer." "I feel like this is a trick question." "There's an accounting coming, Mr. Stussy, and you know I'm right." "Mongol hordes descending." "Now what are you doing to insulate yourself and your family?" "You think you're rich." "You've no idea what "rich" means." ""Rich" is a fleet of private planes filled with decoys to mask your scent." "It's a banker in Wyoming and another in Gstaad." "So that's action item one, the accumulation of wealth, and I mean wealth, not money." "What's action item number two?" "To use that wealth to become invisible." "Why does it smell like an unflushed toilet in here?" "Oh, we had a..." "There was an incident." "Is this where you hung it?" "What?" "The stamp." "The famed Two-Penny Red U.S. misprint." "If I'm not mistaken, the "2" was the wrong way around." "How do you..." "It's all very Old Testament, really, this feud between you and Raymond." "Do you know there are 25 chapters in the book of Genesis that refer to the feuds of brothers?" "Cain and Abel, most famously, but Joseph was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery." "Not to forget the sons of Isaac." ""And my brother Esau was a hairy man," ""but I am a smooth man."" "Then not another peep." "Corinthians, Leviticus." "You'd think all the brothers of history had worked things out, but, of course, we both know that's not true." "Now, just wait a minute, pal." "I don't know what you're or how you..." "But private matters between me and my..." "I hear things." "I hear them because I listen." "I see them because I watch." "Emails." "Phone calls." " He came." " Who?" "Well, now, the fella from the..." "Ermentraub?" "No." "Different fella." "Don't wanna say too much on the phone." "Just..." "You better come down here." "You can never be too careful." "That's my motto." "You see, I've got great plans for us, Emmit." "Can't you just take the money back?" "No." "No, my friend, I'm sorry." "You're in the pan, and you know where you go when you leave the pan." "The..." "The frying pan." "You know where you go when you leave." "Into the fire." "Yeah." "They're coming." "Pitchfork peasants with murder in their eyes, and me, your guardian angel," "which is why I went to the Minnesota" "National Trust this morning, and they have agreed to increase your line of credit by $25 million." "How?" "By acting as your agent, your partner." "So, here's some of the papers you need to sign." "I've studied your books, and, uh, you're not just in the parking lot business anymore." "What business am I in?" "The billionaire business." "But first you need to tell me, uh, is your brother going to be a problem?" "Ray?" "No, he..." "It's just a dumb rivalry." "And the girl?" "I don't..." "I mean, he's, honestly," "a loser." "So what else could she be?" "Just then Grandfather came out." "He was angry because Peter had gone into the meadow." "It's a dangerous place." "If a wolf should come out of the forest, then what would you do?" "But Peter paid no attention to his grandfather's words." "Boys like Peter aren't afraid of wolves." "Mom." "Huh?" "I said it's time for bed." "Well, go on and get your teeth brushed." "I'm right in the next room." "Mom, I'm not a baby." "You're my baby." "Hold that thought." "Hi-ho." "Little off the beaten path, aren't you?" "I went by the station, they said..." "Fudge, you were turning in." "That's okay." "You want some tea?" "Yeah, sounds good." "So remember I was telling you about my hit-and-run?" "A Humvee in a restaurant parking lot," "two other vehicles involved." "Hmm." "So I run the plate number on the Hummer, and it's registered to a corporation in Saint Cloud, a company car." "Seems like you're crossing all the T's." "Not sure how it's..." "Well, okay, then." "So, after I see you in the commode," "I go see this fellow that works there, and something strikes me odd." "The name." "See, it turns out that one of the victims has the same last name as the fellow that owns the company that leased the car." "So I looked it up, and, get this, they're brothers, which..." "Then I remembered that you were at the Parole Board about a murder, and so I looked it up." "I mean, Eden Valley's had one death by foul play in 16 months." "And the victim's name is..." "Ennis Stussy." "With the same as..." "My suspect's parole officer." "And his brother, who owns the company that leased the Humvee, and who lives, get this, in Eden Prairie."