"No, I'm not the one kissing." "This is me." "The one who's been dumped." "Yet, there was so much to be experienced, so many adventures." "What a great surprise." "Hug him, hug him, go on, and you hug her, too." "If he wasn't embarrassed, he'd propose to her at the bus station." "That's just too much!" "Are you doing this to spite me?" "I just don't get it." "My guy from Ankara." "My guy from Ankara is here." "He hasn't dumped me." "My first love, the one with the black eyebrows." "Sister, have a seat." "My love!" "Haven't you forgotten something?" "I couldn't just let you go like that." "Remember the promise we made to each other?" "He's kneeling, he's going to propose." "My God." "You were going to pay for half the Internet fee, partner, remember?" "You thought I'd get saddled with that, smart ass?" "It's 128 lira." "If you don't trust me, check the bill." "Here, look." "Don't be shy, go on, look at it." "Is this why you came?" "This is what you came here for?" "No way, girl." "I'm offended." "What else did you come for?" "Blockhead Mahmut is off to the army, we're gonna give him a send-off." "I hope you get seriously screwed!" "God damn you!" "You're an animal, you know that, don't you?" "Here." "Take this as a hand-out for my sake, here." " Twenty, thirty, fifty." "Fifty-five." " He's counting, man!" "Here, you can have a wrap or something on the way." "Let's support the national tummy movement." "All Izmir passengers on board!" "He's dancing, man!" "Leave me alone, already!" "My beloved home." "My Izmir." "There's no place like home, man." "There, the street where I was born and raised." "On that corner, I confessed my love to a boy for the first time." " Shall we get married?" " Boys can't marry boys, idiot!" "I'm not a boy, I'm a girl, alright?" "And this is the place where my father caught me with a boy for the first time." "Sister, you got a million?" " Girl!" " Dad?" "Aren't you ashamed to walk around in the neighbourhood with your beau?" "What 'beau', Dad?" "You think I'd go out with a sniffer?" " Take this." "Leave the city immediately." " Thank you, old man." "You see?" "See how he left you as soon as he saw some money?" "Come on, Dad!" "It's still embarrassing." "The place where my boyfriend dropped me off with his car for the first time." "This is what you meant by taking me for a drive in your father's car?" "How much is a kilo of tomatoes, my girl?" "How much is kilo of tomatoes?" "Sister, you made her run away." "Shoes?" "I wonder..." "My Dad must have died." "Open the door!" "Let me see his face for the last time." " Dad!" " My God!" " Aunt, my Dad is dead." " My darling is here!" "Why didn't you tell me?" "He's my father, too." " Shut up already, girl." " He's my father, too." "Keep your words from Satan's ears!" "Why would my brother be dead, nutso?" " All the shoes outside!" " Don't you see?" "It's tea with the girls." "Welcome." "Nothing happened to my Dad, I can die without regrets." "But if you eat, you'll regret it." "You're up to 300 kilos!" "Your luggage?" " Oh, my God." "Welcome, girl." " How she's grown." "You're a big girl now." " Welcome, my girl." " Thank you." "I've missed you." "Aunt?" "I'd say you've become very pretty, but I've just done the Hajj, I can't lie." "May God accept it, Pilgrim Aunt Şenay, what can I say?" " Girl, you even studied in Ankara." " Don't eat." "Is there no one you talk to?" " There was someone, but..." " You ate him too, then, big girl?" "Don't gang up on the girl." "What happened, why did you break up with the boy?" "Our relationship wasn't working, so we agreed to break up." "If you were agreeing so well with each other, why did you then break up?" "But." "Girl, did he cheat on you?" "With my closest friend at that." "What?" "With Faruk?" "Yes." "Girl, don't tell me you made him a fairy?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "He went to a Russian with Faruk." "Faruk came and confessed." "What?" "I feel oppressed!" "What a drama this is." "Just like one of Mahsun's films." " Turn on "Spotifee" and let's cut loose." " It's "Spotify", not "Spotifee"." "The overlock man has arrived." "Come on." "My girl." "Wear longer skirts." "Don't ignore my advice, dear." "Aunt Şenay, you were wearing skirts up to here last year." "So don't mind me." "And bread has to be picked up like this and put down like that." "But why, Dad?" "Is it a bad thing to go to the fortune-telling café?" "It's not a bad thing, my dear, but why go as a fortune teller?" "You say that but I earned sixty lira in one hour." "Can you earn that much?" "Hello, hello." "And you dodge the city police." "Are you a beggar?" "Turn yourself in, my dear." "Who's gonna save you from my hands, huh?" "Girl!" "Sister." " My dear daughter!" " Sister." "Welcome." "My dear daughter, my dear." "Tell me something, Dad." "Say something and get me out of this situation." "Give me a cigarette, will you?" " But I don't smoke, Dad." " I was just testing you anyway." " I'm making coffee, then." " No fortunes for you till the evening." " Is school out?" " It's out." " And the marriage project, what happened?" " That's out, too." "I'm out, too, my girl." "I'm busted." "Then you can work with me." "Ladies, attention!" "The overlock machine has come to your feet." "We overlock the edges of your rags, carpets, kilims, runners, and mats." "Ladies, attention!" "No, Dad." "I have graduated." "I'm going into my own profession." " Are there jobs, then?" " You promised not to pressure me." "I feel oppressed already." "If I run away from home, who's responsible?" "God forbid, if bad people got me and cut off my limbs and forced me to beg and I got run over by a car there and the ambulance didn't come?" "What was the topic?" "How did we get here?" "I don't feel well at all." "I feel horrible, Dad." "I was feeling really bad." "There were some syndromes I had to get over first." "THE YILDIZ TILBE SYNDROME" "What's that?" "!" "Chocolate." "Call me already." "Call me." "Call me, man!" "THE IBRAHIM TATLISES SYNDROME" "THE DEMET AKALIN SYNDROME" "Pain comes around." "It has bad karma." " What's up, luv?" " Sister, what have you done?" "Depression schmepression, for how long?" "I met someone new, I'm going to see him." " Where did you meet him and when?" " On a Facebook group." "'Even an ass is two parts so why are we alone'." "Nice name, Satisfator1907." "Great name for a brother-in-law." "Maybe they gave him his grandfather's name." " My girl, what is this?" "!" " She's meeting someone from the Internet." "From the Internet?" "They'll steal you kidneys, God forbid." "We're coming with you." " The fresh air will do us good." " Yes." " You're not gonna screw it up, though?" " No way." "Girls' night out." " Where have you been, sister?" " I was dancing over there." "So where's your Satisfator?" "Did I bring the mace for nothing?" " He turned out to be twelve, Aunt!" " What?" "Look." "We thought he was Satisfator but he turned out to be an animator." "He's so cute, too." " Girls!" "Look but don't be obvious." " What?" "Don't be obvious, I said." "The man over there is eyeing you." "Where?" "Which one?" "Some look he's giving you!" "It's like he's gonna dive right in." "Is he looking at me or at you?" "I can't tell with those sunglasses." "He's looking at me." "He's looking at me." "He was literally eating me, not the peanut, I could feel it." "Listen, Sister." "Play hard to get this time." "Be careful, and no silliness!" "I won't be silly, I'll just go straight to him and introduce myself." "No!" "Ah, you men..." "You stare at a beautiful woman all night, like you're watching a derby match but you never think "I'll jump into the field"." "Am I right?" "You're absolutely right." "I love your voice." "What?" "I said I love your voice." "What else do you love about me?" "What are you doing?" "Stop!" "What are you doing?" "Do like this." "Your lips are beautiful, too." "Fleshy." "And how are your eyes, I wonder." "They're really beautiful." "Let me see." "I'm screwed." "The blind get to kiss whomever they hold." "You can't go anywhere." " I won't let you go." " But I'm not going anywhere." " I'll powder my nose and be right back." " F**k your make-up." "Do I even care about your make-up?" "Is it you I put make-up on?" "I put it on myself." " Put those lips away." " Where the hell are you going?" "!" "Get up, quick." "We're leaving." "I'll tell you later." "He's coming." "Come on!" "Are you leaving?" "It's because I'm blind, isn't it?" " It's because I'm blind." " I'm offended, what an accusation!" " Hello, dear aunt." " 'Aunt'?" "!" "Still, it's not right to treat a handicapped person like this." " You have no conscience." " Sister!" " Aunt, the guy's a pervert." " Come, let's go crazy." "Somebody help, please!" "Give me some of that." "What am I gonna do, Aunt?" "!" "I have never seen a bill like this." "Very good." "A very funny joke." "Very funny." "I'm paying the bill." "I'm setting it down." "It fell on the floor." "I'm very sorry." "How can you treat someone so bad for two hundred lira, man?" "He said two hundred." "He said two hundred." "Two hundred?" "I see your eyes opened up when you saw the money." "You crook!" "You fraud!" "He's not blind." "Stop!" "Stop!" "It's a blind fight!" "They're beating up a blind man!" "Who has put on my shoes, man?" "!" "Give me my shoes!" "Could you give me back my shoes?" "When did you put them on anyway?" "If you could just hang on for a sec" " What's going on here?" " Dad." "Put me away in a rest home!" "Just leave me there." "Let me die there, let me die." "Brother, I'll never leave you." "Don't worry, we'll get old together." "That's exactly what I'm worried about." "You're not getting jobs." "You're not getting married." "Go, for God's sake." "Go, so I can enjoy some peace and quiet!" "I'm still very young, Dad." "You're hurting my feelings." "That's precisely why I'm saying that, my dear." "I thought if your feelings got hurt, you might get your life in order." "And you." "You have no right to speak at all!" "But I wasn't speaking anyway." "And what would you say if you did, dear?" " What can you say to me?" " Dear brother." "We have talked." "She's going to find a job." "She's going to get married." "She's going to be exactly the kind of daughter you want." "We have talked, haven't we, dear?" "We haven't talked about anything like that." "When would we have talked?" "You know, you really are retarded." "Brother, it's best you scold her." "I have found her a job anyway." " You know Grocer Ahmet has a sister?" " No." " What does he have?" " He has a brother." "So, Grocer Ahmet's brother has a friend by the name of Hasan." "He's going to set up an interview for her." "Please to God they hire her, my Lord, please to God they hire her." "Whoever hires me has hit the jackpot." "Dad." "Dad." "Why don't you have the P.A. fixed?" "It's been out of order since I was a child." "I don't even hear it anyway." "I'm feeling just peachy." "So, are you excited?" "What?" "Wait a second." "Are you excited, I said." "After all, it's just a job." "So what?" "If they were to ask me "Money or a career?" I'd say "Love"." "Love?" "My girl, can we speak openly, you and I?" "Of course, Daddy-O, you can talk to me any time about anything." "You're a complete moron." "You always say I'm like you, not like my mother." "I got you now, admit it." "It's here." "Look, look, just watch." "Look now." "Seda!" "I see they haven't shot you?" "What?" "How do you mean?" "I thought they shot mares if they broke a leg." " I give you a week off." " Get out of here, you pervert." "See you next week, baby!" "Why are you laughing, you dirty horny buck?" "Move on!" "Now!" "Excuse me, Sir." "We're looking for Mr Hasan." "Mr Hasan?" "Why are you looking for him?" "Did he molest someone in your family or something?" "You're looking for him to beat him up?" "He was going to help my daughter find a job." "Your daughter?" "I'm Hasan." "A.k.a. Mr Hasan." "Where's the girl, then?" " Where's the girl?" "Where is she?" " She's right here." " Puh!" "Twenty-three blessings!" " The saying goes "Forty-one blessings."" "With this face, twenty-three's enough." "Just look at her!" "Come, Minnie Mouse." " Hold on, boy, what are you doing?" "!" " Come, I'll take you to see the director." "Let's remove our hand, shall we?" "I humiliated you in front of your father on purpose so you can stay at my place whenever you want." "Oh, really?" "I'd rather stay at home, a spinster, than stay at your place." " Director." " What?" "There's a girl here." "She's applying to be a reporter." "It's incredible." "She's so smart, I swear, super smart." "I vouch for her from her heels to the top of her head, my director." "Then tell her to f**k off!" "I have never seen a worse swindler than you, man." "Really?" "I'd put your ass right outside the door if it weren't for the compensation." "Anyway." "Tell her to come in." "I did the preliminary introduction." "I gave you a great pass." "Now the ball's in your court." "Moron." "Hello." "Hello." "Come in." " It's sweaty, isn't it?" " Yes." "The situation of the station is clear." "Fake leather..." "Look!" "My ass is on fire." " Get better soon." " This is the "better"." "Would you like to discuss the work conditions?" " Is there Social Security?" " Would you like that?" " Who wouldn't?" " We, for one." " Is there a service bus?" " There's self-service." " Food?" " Dry?" "With a sauce?" " Doesn't matter to me." " We have neither." " Any chance of getting promoted, then?" " That, we have." " Phew!" " We had this secretary, Mrs Mücella." "She seduced the boss and now she's in charge of advertising." "Rumor is they'll get married but I don't find it likely at all." "The woman is already married to someone else." "Do you have any other questions, my child?" "Just one little thing I'm wondering about." "Are you making fun of me, old man?" "This is a serious station." "What are you talking about?" "I'm saying:" "May the helmet of the astronaut who tightens the screws on the satellite that broadcasts the frequency of this station squeeze your cheeks, Mr Uncle." "This station, I wouldn't even take a bus from it." "And he calls this a serious station." "You got me molested by this guy who looks like the Ümraniye Pervert." "Just look at him!" "If migratory birds saw him, they'd migrate to the other world." "No Social Security, no salary, no food..." "So what is there, you mutt?" "!" "I was just about to say exactly those things." "But only if I hadn't seen him." "My Molasses." "The love of my life." "Are you some kind of super human?" "What beauty is this?" "!" "My children's father." "My father's son-in-law." " There's money in wall-to-wall carpeting." " My dear son." "My nephews' uncle!" "Nephews, the chicken is grilled to perfection." "My grandchildren's grandfather." "Dear wife." "See who's here." "Everything I ever wanted, ever looked for  was coming right at me." "Are you going to stay there longer, my dear?" "I sure hope so, my dear." " Is this the new reporter?" " We're waiting for an answer." "We'll see." "Is there anything you want to say, my girl?" "No, Director." "What more can I ask, what more can I ask for?" "May God appreciate your efforts." "You are creating employment." "There's no unemployment in this country anyway." "Everyone's looking for desk jobs." "Yes." "Yes." "Vocational high schools are dead." "They've killed the vocational schools." "They've all turned to sports betting." "Well said." "That's what I'm talking about." "What the hell are you talking about?" "Nothing." "So you accept the job?" "Alright, let me give you lunch coupons for a hundred lira, my child." " No way, you'd starve to death otherwise." " Let me take those." "We just have a ten-day trial period." "What do you say about that?" "Sure, you have to test me." "Of course you'll try me." "The days when you could get five meatballs for three cents are over." "How would you know that I'm not a thief?" "That I'm not some purse-snatcher, some pickpocket, some dirty maniac?" "Try me, assess my behavior and all that." "I may turn out to be a psychotic pervert." "Zodi!" "Little sister." "Make me a cup of coffee, will you?" " Would you like some food, too?" " No, just coffee." "Come on." "I found this great guy." "You have to read my fortune, it's urgent." "And I'm gonna check his Face." " What have you done, chunky?" " I fell in love, Aunt." " But we sent you to get a job." " That's been taken care of." "Would you just look at him?" "Isn't he as much as I told you?" "He's cute." "Imagine those arms hugging me, Aunt." "Just think about it for a few seconds." "If I'm to suffer, I'd rather it be him who makes me suffer." "May he hit my head on the wall, tear my clothes to pieces, rip them apart." " Not rip them?" " Sister, does he have a younger brother?" "May the coffee grounds show my fortune." "Look at it, it must be ready by now." " I have never seen something so swollen." " God forgive us!" "I refuse to look." "He would refuse to look at you, too." " I just got a friend request." " Where?" "Show me." "See, this one would look at you." "Look at this face, what the hell is that?" "Like he's eaten bread in the toilet." "Block him." "The computer is frozen." "I'm shaking all over right now." "Turn this off!" "Wait, wait, don't turn it off." "I'm all upset." "Go back to my guy." "My love." " Let me see." "Does he have a brother?" " My love." " He's mine." " God forgive us." "He's mine." "So, how do I look?" " Sister." " Hm?" "I think you should use the congenial angle." " You really think so?" " Yes, dear." "Congeniality is your thing." "When you were little, we used to call you "congenial"." "I think it looks very nice." " In, pull your tummy in." " Should we show that, too?" " Molasses!" " But sister!" "This is how things work, my girl." "I'm coming, too." "No, you're not going anywhere." "...the whole Aegean region is in for warm and humid weather next week." "Under the influence of the low pressure front coming from the south the air will feel even more humid." "So we have to warn all everybody in our audience." "Please..." "Where the hell is he?" "My breath is down in my ass." "Good morning." "Good morning." "Where did that biatch come from?" "I think you dropped this." "No, it wasn't me at all." "Thank you, dear, give it to me." "I was just looking for it." "Give here." "You're that new reporter, aren't you?" "Yes." "How did you know?" "Or is everybody at the channel talking about me as "the new girl, the new girl"?" "No." "I heard it by coincidence." "Listen, can I trust you?" "Sure." "Who is that woman?" "Just Ms Biatch." "I guess you're new in Izmir, too." "She's the face of the channel." "She and Molasses present the news together." "What?" "I hope they're not lovers or anything." "Tsk." " I think they're dating, though." " Oof!" "We just met and I wouldn't want to gossip about a colleague of many years..." "Do tell, do tell!" "...but she is a real biatch." "Go on, girl." "You and I are gonna get along well." "Continue." "They say she's trapped him." "Filth!" " She may even have had a spell put on him." " The serpent!" "She got a poor girl fired for sending a text to Molasses at a religious holiday." " That's just too effing much!" " Yes, effing." "Ts ts ts." "I think Molasses deserves better." "I think he deserves better, too." " See, he's taking the boy away." " Where's she going?" " It's the lunch break." " Follow me." "Alright." "Don't forget we're taking your mother out to dinner." "Put on your gray suit." "There's a hotel opening in Alaçat¡." "We absolutely have to attend it because we have to be photographed in such places as a couple." "It's that girl." "She's incredibly funny." " Let me call her over." "We'll have fun." " Who's that?" " Waiter?" "You want a waiter?" " Why call her now?" "He's waving at me." " What a coincidence!" " Yeah." " May I?" " What a question, please, have a seat." "Here you go." "Your meatballs in double pita bread." "It's his." "It's not for me." "It's for him." " Is that so?" "Here you go." " No, no, this is not mine." " It's for this lady." " Here you go." "No way, it has nothing to do with me." " But I'm a vegetarian." " So what?" "Can't you eat it for my sake?" "It's not mine either, but it shouldn't go to waste." "How do you mean "not yours"?" "You asked for a double pita." "No." "I said no such thing." " You asked "Does it smell of mutton?"" " I didn't." "I really didn't." "You said, "I never get full without bread," ma'am." "Damn me to hell." " Here." "And here is your sauce." " You might as well put lots of it." "It smells so good, too." "I'll just have to eat it, then." "I love people who are at peace with their body, like you." "Who knows when I last ate something like that." "So, Pucca, you're a reporter now." "What's your next goal?" "Are you thinking about anchoring?" "Don't go taking our jobs!" "Where did you get that idea?" "You're so right, darling, since for her to take our place we would both have to leave." "Since she wouldn't fit otherwise." "So, you're the funny around here, huh?" "They only told me you were a presenter." "Shall we leave, Molasses?" "We have to be on the air soon." "Get up." "Get up." " I mean..." " May I have the bill, please?" " ...you eat in such a way that it makes me feel like eating, I swear." "Go ahead." "You're a boy so you may get a swelling somewhere if you don't." " How dare you?" "!" " What do you think you're doing?" "Did I do that now?" "Did I do that?" "Pass the salt." "Hold on a sec, let's pour some salt on it." "This won't do." " There's no need." " It's good against the evil eye, too." "There's no need, I have a reserve anyway." " Here you go, your bill." " Please, allow me." "For God's sake, please let me pay." "Please." "Let me pay, please." "So I got left with it?" "Alright, so be it this time." "Thank you very much, thank you." "Don't mention it, you barely had two bites to eat." "How can we let you?" "We asked for the bill, brother, but you bring the pin code for pirate TV." "Take this and go." "Go!" "We paid for it so let's not let it go to waste." "Let this be the last time." "I won't eat this stuff, never again." "And I won't let that biatch eat my Molasses." "Lid on!" "Dear Mümü, when I saw it I thought it would suit you very well." "My dear!" "It's very nice." "Have a look." "It's exactly my taste." "Thank you so much, dear." "There was no need for such a thing, was there?" "But it's very elegant." "You know, we should go to Milan together this year." "There are such boutiques there, Mümü, I'll show you but only if the gentleman doesn't ruin the holidays." "Son, you're lost in your phone again." "Listen to what she's saying." "Sorry." "I'm looking at the order of the news items for tomorrow." "What is it?" "I was saying, your mother, you, me, are we going on holiday together?" "We'll go, we'll go." "I mean why not, unless something comes up." "What?" "Again?" "I'm on it." "Would you just look at this handsomeness?" "I'm dying for you, man, I'm finished!" "Idiot!" "I don't like you at all." "I'll save my prince from this evil witch." "You'll see, Aunt." "Get the hell out." "You have no chance, dear sister." "Mercury keeps retreating." "Eat Mercury." "Look!" "I think he doesn't like her either." "See?" "He doesn't look in her direction." "He did just now, but was professional." "In general" "He's so cute, man." "If it weren't for that moron..." "I'm saying I should go directly to him and say, "I'm dying for you, I'm finished." "Oh, my baby." What do you think?" "For God's sake, girl!" "Did you get dropped on your head a lot when you were a baby?" "Okay, I did drop you a couple of times but obviously, there's been others, too." " You think that, too, my lamb?" " It's the stupidest plan I've ever heard." "As if she's 110 years old." "How many plans has she heard in her life?" "Aunt, what should I do?" "Say something." "Come, come, come, come." "We women, we don't do anything directly." "We plan, stitch by stitch we think ten steps ahead." "You know, this biatch, she's the kind of woman you have fun with." "A short-term investment." "But you are a woman to marry." "Think of a plot of land." "An investment to be inherited." " The experience of many years." " This is the plan:" "All men adore women who cook well." "First, we'll show him how good you are at housekeeping." " Me?" " Her?" "We'll make it work." "Where have you been, girl?" "Where?" "Come, come." "So where is Molasses?" "Seriously, where is he?" "Wait, let me call him." " Call him." " Are you out of your mind, girl?" "The guy's the news team anchorman." "Is he supposed to come teach you your job?" " My God!" " But I made stuffed vine leaves for us." "Stuffed vine leaves?" "Who cares about your stuffed vine leaves?" "Why not?" "I showed up in Newcastle with coal!" "Take this." " Where are we going?" " Where would you like to go?" "To France." "As if you spoke five languages." "My God!" "To Turkey, to Turkey." "What's the point of burying me for that!" "Hello, everyone." "Hello." "Welcome." "Let me put this here." "It went into the food." "Two." "One." "Rolling." "We're at the Izmir International Golden Ladle Cooking Contest held for the seventh time." "In this contest where cuisines of the world are in fierce competition it is our famous cook, Mr Rüstem, who represents our country." "Mr Rüstem, what can you tell us about the contest?" "Are you going to win?" " I'm confident to the very end." " Right on, Brother Rüstem!" "God willing, we will prove the power of Turkish cuisine to the whole world." "That's my man!" "Alright, about your rivals" "What?" "Ask him." "Rivals what kind of people are they?" "What would you like to say about them?" "Rivals?" "Could the Japanese win when they can't even be bothered to cook fish and serve it raw." "They lure people into eating bugs by calling it food." "I heard they even eat puppies, those shameless dastards." "Brother Rüstem, that's the Chinese." "How would I know?" "They all look alike." "Japanese, Chinese, or from Eskisehir?" " Tartar." " Help yourselves." "Please." "May God forgive you." "Have some stuffed tripe." "Our jury likes your dishes." "You're good." "The guy swore." "Who put those stuffed vine leaves here?" "No, no, no, no mine." " No stuffed." "No mine, no mine." " It's certainly nothing." "Try the zucchini patties." "Who the hell put these here?" "!" "I'm sure it's those f**kin' bracket-eyes." "It's a "constipacy"." "It could be, as a matter of fact." " I'm gonna shove those fish up your butts." " Don't say "butt"." "I already have." "They're guests." "We want them to come back next year." "What kind of guests are they?" "Besides, they're very short." "Brother Rüstem, please don't." "For God's sake." "Brother Rüstem." "We're on the side of world peace." "Brother Rüstem!" "So why are you filming?" "Film them instead." "What is this, man?" "!" "We've missed a major event." "I'd have gone if I'd known." "Darling, look!" "The magazine is out." "THE SEXY PAIR OF THE NEWS" "Why "sexy", man?" "We present the news." "I'll look at it later." "I'm watching something." "I'm dying of excitement here while you watch an imbecile ruin a news report." "Sister, if these are a sexy pair, you can only be a pair of socks." "Listen, girl, I'll shove this pink nail polish into your mouth and you'll shit pink for a week like in Candy Crush." "Don't hurry, my niece." "These things work slowly." " You'll be on a cover some day." " Yes." "For example, on a brochure for weight loss." "Aunt, what gives you the right to tease me like this?" "For one thing, Brother Rüstem lost the contest because of your vine leaves." " What Brother Rüstem?" " Forget about that, Aunt and tell me what to do." "It's very simple." "Men look for a mother for their children rather than for a wife for themselves." "So we'll show him what a good candidate for motherhood you are." "Makes sense." " I'm gonna beat Biatch with motherliness." " Beat her." "See, motherliness is in the cards." "My dear sister." "Molasses, have a look at that animal's beauty and now at this animal beauty." "If a guard saw us side by side, he'd put me in there, for sure." "And not one person would come to see me." "I'd just hang out by myself like a dope." "Hasanus sapiens." " So, you " " Y" " Tell me." "No, you tell me." " You tell me." "I was just gonna say." "So you came to guard me, is that it?" "Let's not call it guarding." "Let's say I'm a supervisor, for example." "Let's say so." "If you're a guard, I'm ready to serve a life sentence." "What?" "It's nothing." "What a cute baby elephant?" "All baby animals are very cute anyway." "If I knew something like that would come out, I'd make a baby right here and now." "Of course you would." "Is there a candidate elephant?" "I didn't mean it like that and you know it." "Some women don't want to nurse their baby for fear their breasts would sag." "But I'm going to breastfeed my baby even if my breasts sag like my grandpa's socks." "Your grandpa's what?" "I said that as an example." "It was just an example." "My breasts could never be like that anyway." "If you saw them, you'd agree." " I understand." "I'm happy for you." " Thanks." "Just look how cute he is, for God's sake." "You ate four packages and you still want more peanuts?" "This way, Uncle, this way." "Talk about your baby elephant." "Let's film this and leave." "Here, take this." "I'm sick and tired of your elephant schmelephant." " Birdie dear, hold this." " Thanks." "Rolling." " Our baby elephant, symbol of Izmir..." " "Izmir"." "Ah!" "Izmir is turning three today." "We came to visit him in the Nature Park of Izmir, I'm sorry his own home." "We're here with his caretaker, Mr Sencer." "Mr Sencer, what would you like to tell us about Izmir, the baby elephant?" "Well, these animals are very difficult to take care of." "Their nutrition requires great attention." "Interesting, so how do you feed him?" "These are herbivores." "However, our little Izmir has a unique situation." "Interesting." "Listen carefully." "This little guy is allergic to peanuts." "To peanuts?" "Thank God the visitors are sensitive." "And we have put up signs everywhere." "So what happens if he's given peanuts?" "But why would anyone do that?" "Are people crazy?" "They wouldn't, but let's say they did." "Just like that, paying no attention." "Are they idiots?" "We put up warning signs all over." "They're not idiots." "Maybe they're distracted or in love, not idiots." " And because they're in love" " God!" "What happened to my little Izmir?" " Izmir!" " What are we going to do?" "I'm sure he's not dead." "I didn't see the signs." "But I didn't see it." "I didn't see the signs." "Peanuts?" "Somebody fed him peanuts." "It's not because of the peanuts." "It was a heart attack." "That's how I lost my grandpa." "But where is his heart?" "Where is this animal's heart?" "I'm gonna give him heart compressions." "God, grant me the strength." "God!" "What are you laughing at?" "Unbelievable!" "Aunt, the saran wrap is burning!" "I can't believe what you're making me do on my one day off." "I can't believe you!" "As if I killed the elephant." "What did you want from that elephant?" "He had come all the way from Africa..." " He was an Asian elephant." " Yes." "Stop saying he's dead." "The animal didn't die." "He just won't be able to use his trunk for a while." "He'll eat through a straw." "What's he gonna do without his trunk?" "How could you do that to our little Izmir?" "You have no conscience." "Molasses is calling." "What should I do?" "Don't answer!" "I checked this morning." "You should have answered yesterday." ""Not answering" is not an option." "Answer a little late." "Like you're busy or something." "God, I swiped it by mistake." "Yes?" "Pucca." "The Mayor's father just died." "Oh, my condolences." "Did you know him?" "I'm telling this to you as news." "The other reporter is indisposed so I have to send you." "Look, this is live." "Don't embarrass me, alright?" "I have faith in you." "And I in you." "Thank you but..." "Meaning?" "Meaning I'm on my way." "I'm coming, I'm on my way right now." "She can do it, she can do it." "She's very smart." "You'll see, she'll do it." "Alright then, let's hope to God!" "What is this?" "!" "Your funeral outfit?" "Or are we going to invoke the spirit of the Sixties?" "Just look at her, man!" "I got dressed like this to show my utmost respect for the deceased and just listen to what you're saying!" "Please get into the spirit of mourning and be a little sad!" "Birdie dear, why should I be sad?" "The guy is 92 and a national gymnast." "He dies the day after his fifth wedding." "Who knows what he did the night before." " Brother Hasan!" " Let his wife worry about it." "Take this." "Put it there." " Is it good here?" " It's good, set it down." "Hand me the water." "Dear guests, Dear members of the press." "The ceremony will start in ten minutes when the body arrives in the square." " We have time." " Good, it's good." "Let me check the sound." "Take the microphone." "You talk." "Talk, talk." "Death is very painful." "But nothing happened to you." "Try to think that way." "Check it again." "Still no sound?" "Strange." "Why is there no sound?" "Wait, let me check the cables." "Wait a minute." "Whoa!" "Brother Hasan, whoa!" "Look at that face!" "If he cut onions, the onions would tear up." "How do you think of such things to say?" "The man was 92 years old, and they still say "His death was unexpected."" "The unexpected is that the man lived to be this old." "Shall I tell you something?" "I bet even his memories  were in black-and-white." " No in sepia, in sepia." " No, no." "Inkwell, Inkwell." " No, Early Bird." "The man was so old even Elder Qorqut called him "Elder"." "Imagine!" "He opened the doors to Anatolia in the Battle of Malazkert." " Molasses, come, come!" " What's going on?" "Confusion at the funeral." "Great chaos." "Somebody is blathering." "This is the main event." "Where are our guys?" "And he died on the night he got married!" "While his contemporaries are dying of old age in their summer houses in Erdek he died on his nuptial pillow." "His stock fell..." "In the nuptial market!" "What is this, man?" "!" "Listen, now." "The guy actually wanted to be with women older than himself." "But where are they?" "There aren't any!" "While we, at our age, get no action." "If this guy managed he must have died happy." "And if he didn't, at least he died trying." " Is there a better way to die than that?" " The voice sounds familiar." "If he didn't hit the pills and die of a heart attack then my name's not Pucca." "It's not Pucca." "Pucca!" "Pucca?" "Which Pucca?" "Our Pucca?" "Don't be silly!" "Call her, quick!" "Just look at the old man's face." "I swear, I'll never have baked rice pudding again." "Now, that was funny." "And he was a national gymnast." " No answer." "We're dead." "Ruined." "Screwed." " There was gymnastics back then?" " He was on the Allied Forces team?" " Dammit." "Shut up already, girl, shut up." "Don't you run out of blather?" "Shut up." "I got it, now!" "I got it." "Whoa!" "I have 14 missed calls." "Whoa!" "And Molasses has called me." "That guy is nice and all but he's a bit like a girl, you know?" "He panics immediately." "I mean, what's the problem?" "The Mayor's here." "Ma ma ma mi mi mi." "Microphone show." "Hoo Hoo!" " Now we're screwed." " Nope." "You're screwed." "Mr Mayor." "Didn't I say, "Don't send that moron." "She'll mess it up"?" "Yeah, alright, you did." "I trusted the wrong person." "I'm really disappointed." "What can I do?" "We can fire her, but what if they shut down the station?" "There she goes." "Take this off." "Don't be sad, Little Bird, you'll find another job." "You're something else." "Look, I know people everywhere." "I'll find you a job." "Here, take this, let me put it on you." "Don't be upset, don't." "Alright, alright, thank you." "Enough!" "Alright, let go." "My lamb." "Don't be upset." "Please?" "I'll call you and tell you all about Molasses." "Forget about him, man." "Here, have this." "But wash it before you use it." " And you can have this." " Really?" "In that case, let me just..." "DREAMS ARE PARIS, LIFE IS MUŞ:(" "Leave me alone!" "Loser..." "Loser..." "We'll discuss that later." "The scandal caused by a reporter at the Mayor's father's funeral has left its mark on the day." "We now go live to the Mayor for a statement." "I'm finding it necessary to make this statement in wake of the reporter scandal." "My late father was very humorous and full of good cheer." "He would tell jokes and make people around him laugh with his witticisms." "He never would have wanted people to cry after him." "However, I don't think he imagined they would laugh as much as they did today." "I would like to thank again the person who helped us send him off so fittingly." "I'm going to grant her a special interview as soon as possible." "Yeah!" "That's it!" " You were very funny." "May I take a selfie?" " With me?" "Meanwhile, my phone is ringing, too." "Sure." "Strange!" "Yes." "Hello?" "I said, "This girl will become a legend."" "Provided she's given the opportunity." "How do you mean?" "Do I get my job back?" "The legend is back, girl, permanently and with a salary." "I thank you ever so much." "Hiring my friend Rusty permanently as well is the greatest gift you gave me." "Rusty?" "Permanently?" "I gave you the greatest gift, didn't I?" " You did, you did." " I really did." "Listen." "See who I'm putting on." "Hello!" "Hello, I can't recognize your voice." "So you don't recognize the voice?" "You don't recognize me any more?" "I do, I do." "You're Molasses." "Thank you very much for not letting me down." "Alright, your method was a bit unorthodox but it worked." "As long as it works, it doesn't matter how." "Let's celebrate." "Let me take you out to dinner tonight." "He's inviting me out to dinner." "But, uhm, but it's my father's birthday." "What if you came over for dinner?" "To your father's birthday?" "Alright." "Text me the address." "See you this evening." "Yes!" "Molasses is coming over for dinner!" "No!" "Molasses is coming over for dinner." "I have to go." "I don't know, Aunt, I just got excited and invited him over." "Even in the fairy tale, Cinderella goes to the prince's ball." "And what do I do?" "I invite the guy to the back yard like an idiot." "Dear sister, don't you think that example is a little too adolescent?" "There is a problem with it, isn't there?" "Everything else gets full points..." " ...it's just my example that's silly." " Why are you being such a drama queen?" " We'll make it work." " What about these burnt stuffed peppers?" " Turn them over." " Turn them." "Attention, ladies!" "The birthday boy is here." "Aunt!" "Nothing's ready yet." "Does my dear brother hurt anything?" "He'll just sit in a corner." "We'll take care of everything until your boy arrives." " How do I turn these?" " To the right or to the left?" "I can't..." "How strange!" "I wonder what this table is all about?" "Napkins!" "We have very little time." "I'm asking myself, is today a very special day?" "My girl, why don't you answer, dear?" "Why did you prepare this table?" "Is it a special occasion?" "Don't tell me!" "You want to surprise me?" "What surprise, Brother?" "A colleague of Pucca's is coming." "That's why." " A male colleague." " What?" "Why are you telling him?" "Daddy, just a second." "It's nothing." "It's for your birthday." "F**k the birthday." "This is more important." "We have to rearrange the table!" "What the hell is this?" "How can one eat chicken in this weather?" "Take this away." "You want to poison the guy?" "Take away the bulgur, he'd bloat." "What are these stuffed peppers, those savory pastries?" "Away with them!" " Fish?" "Did you buy fish?" " No." "I'm off to buy some fish." "I'm gonna make baked fish, okay?" "And put something presentable on." "But I'm all dressed, Dad." "Put on something all white, like a wedding dress, to put it in his mind." " Alright, what shall we do?" " You stay as you are." " Stay ugly so she'll look like something." " "Look like something"?" " "Ugly"?" " Don't laugh." "Don't laugh, I'll kill you." "Go on, go on." "Dad!" "Have a look." "What do you think?" "Just a minute." "Dad." "Out, out." "He's here, he's here." "What?" "He's here?" "Don't you open the door!" "But I'm not done yet, man!" "Flowers." "For me?" "No, for your father." "For my father?" "Isn't it his birthday?" "It's Dad's birthday but we didn't get him anything." "Who's there?" "Welcome!" "Come in, dear." "Don't stand at the door." "Keep your shoes on." "Alright." "God help us!" "Let me introduce you." "My aunt." "Really?" "You look so young." " How much?" " Excuse me?" "I mean, how young do I look?" "How old am I?" "Can you guess?" " Thirty-eight or so." " My dear, how sweet you are." "I'm forty years old, forty." "Can you believe it?" "I can't believe it, Aunt." "I really can't believe it." " Praise be!" " Praise be for you!" "And that's my little sibling, a girl." " Hello." " Hello." " Have we met somewhere before?" " I present the news." " You must know me from television." " No, I have no interest in the news." "Did you used to hang at the Göztepe PlayStation Café?" "PlayStation Café?" "You know, young guys get together and beat each other at Fifa to have someone else pay, and they pick fights." "It's nice, I go there every once in a while." " Beat each other?" " Win over one another." "Let me take the flowers." "And take off your jacket." "Make yourself at home, for God's sake." "He's too much of a gentleman." " My Dad." " Hello, sir." "Hello." "May many kiss your hand." "Thank you for the water, my child!" "Shall I give him water?" "What am I supposed to do?" "No, he's just confused." "Why don't you have a seat?" "My daughters prepared a surprise birthday dinner for me today." "I know, sir." "Happy birthday." "Thank you, my child." "What is this, man?" "Son, since you came to our house with that level of handsomeness..." " ...you must have a mental problem, no?" " Dad?" " What?" " What are you doing, Dad?" "My girl." "Are we supposed to hide what God already knows from His subjects?" "There must be something wrong with this kid." "In the head." " Would you like something to drink first?" " Raki." "Please, dear, sit here." "There's etiquette to drinking raki." "It has to be treated like a lover." "You have to visit often." "You have to drink it as if you were kissing." "The year was 1998." "She is seven or eight years old." "The municipality was having a mass circumcision." "I had trouble convincing them she's a girl." "I had to yank her out of the hands of the circumciser." "I'm screwed." "I'm so screwed." "My dear, come on, drink, drink, drink." "May it do you good, may it do you good." "Listen to what I'm gonna say, now." "Listen to me." "Listen now." "You're in the world of celebrities." "You must know Fedon." " Fedon?" " You know, he's tanned." "We were flirting for a while." "I seduced him and then I took off." "Ah!" "The fish has arrived." " Do you have an older brother?" " No." "Do you have a little brother?" "A father, then?" "Coz you have good genes, good genes." "Praise be!" "Listen to me, man." "Son." "Listen to me, I said!" "You know what the trick is in the overlock hemming business?" "The customer is always "rug"." "Brother!" " "Rug"?" " He slurred, he slurred." "I'm gonna kiss this kid, I swear." "I love him like he's my own child." "Come, my son, come, I'm gonna kiss you." "What happened, man?" "What happened?" "Light!" "It's dark." "I can't see anything, man." "I've gone blind." "The raki was bootleg." " Come, let me make you vomit!" " Happy birthday to you." "It's because your cake is coming, Daddy." "Happy birthday to you!" "This won't do." "Let's play some music." "I'll find some music for you!" " Take some pictures, man!" " Let's take selfies." "Are we ready?" "We're so cute." "There are no pictures of Molasses and me together." "Wait a sec." "Let's take a photo with the two of us." "Let life stop if it wants to." "You're a real fan of that band, Manga." "Me, I'm a fanatic follower of Manga." "Did you get my telephone?" "Remember you turned on the music?" "It's out in the yard." "That's not what I meant." "I meant, did you get my telephone number?" "We can communicate, you and I, on WhatsApp." "Shall I do something nice for you?" "Something nice?" "What kind of something nice?" "The singer of Manga, Ferman, is a very close friend of mine." "Don't bullshit me, man!" "Shall I call him?" "You know?" "Call him or whatever." "Hello." "Ferman, listen." "Here with me is someone I respect a lot." "He'd like to talk to you." "Sir." "The phone." " Are they looking for me?" " Manga." " Who?" " Manga." "Hello, Mr Manga." "The guy is swearing, man!" " No way, that's not possible." " Listen for yourself." "He's swearing at my mother." "What?" "He's swearing at your mother?" "Give me that, come on, give it here." "Mr Manga, are you Japanese manga, or Ferman from the band Manga?" " Asshole!" " Molasses, what's going on?" "I tried to do something nice for him." "Please forgive him, Sir." "It's late." "I better get going." " Would you like to get some fresh air?" " Sure." " Let's go." " Alright." "My father drank a little." "Forgive him." "No, dear, don't mention it." "I had a lot of fun." "Aren't you ashamed to have fun with a man your father's age?" " No, you misunderstood me." " I was just kidding." "Come, come." "What is this place, man?" "You're a Göztepe boy, of course, so you don't know these parts." "Wait for me." "My family is a little strange." "We didn't scare you, did we?" "Scare me?" "On the contrary, I was very pleased to meet them." "You know I was in a boarding school since the age of twelve." "I'm not really familiar with the warmth of a family." "I grew up in Istanbul." "I spent my youth in Istanbul." "And I started working in Istanbul." "Then one day my mother called." "She told me my father was in chemotherapy." "Really?" "Did he get a medal?" "Where?" "At Camel Trophy." "Didn't you just say "Camel Trophy"?" "What "Camel Trophy", man?" "!" "I said "chemotherapy"." "I really am mentally retarded." " I'm so sorry." " It's no big deal." "Shall we go up there?" "It's really nice." "Sure." "Let's go." "But he got better, right, your father?" "No." "It was already too advanced." "It didn't do any good." "Then, when my mother said, "I can't be by myself" I took all my stuff and came back to Izmir." "So, that's nice." "You didn't leave your mother all by herself." "Well." "My mother didn't take motherhood very seriously." "But I'm trying to take being her son seriously." "Although I don't really know how to." "I'm sure Ms Biatch knows how to do it." "Could be." "Well, I thank you very much for this evening." "If nothing else, for showing me where and how I can be happy." "Keep your hand to yourself, man!" "I was just kidding." " It's just a nervous reaction." " I apologize." "Kiss me to make it up to me, then." "Let me kiss you, then." "Don't kiss me, man!" "I thought you were serious for a moment." "Alright, I'm not kissing you." " What happened?" "Are you hurt?" " No, I'm not kissing you." "I'm not hurt." "This place really is nice." "Of course it's nice." "This is Karsiyaka." "But the view is of Göztepe." "Idiot." "I think he's home." "Where have you been all this time?" "I kept calling but you wouldn't answer." "What are you doing here?" "We waited for you for dinner, son." "Mother, please!" "Good night to you." "Would you just look at that?" "!" " I gave them a balloon only yesterday." " We're with the love balloon salesman Eros Erol." "As you can see, he's getting many people married, many!" "I was watching that." "And we're discussing something here." "I have a headache and I can't hear." "Could you stop for a second?" "What is that?" "!" "Alright, drive on." "PUCCA, THE MADCAP OF THE NEWS" "Good morning." "Please excuse us." " What did you do last night?" " I don't believe it." "Yes, we have to distribute the stuff that came from the agency." "Thank you very much." "Guess what happened." "Someone high up in the government wants you at their funeral." "Stop making fun of me." "Dad won two tickets to a Manga concert on the radio." "Dear, in case you didn't know, you, me, we, everybody here is from television." "And besides, those kids are very dear friends of mine." " We could go without tickets." " But this is a whole different pleasure." "Are you coming to the concert with me?" "Come, I beg you." "If you won't come, I'll let my father loose on you on WhatsApp, you'll see." " Too late." "Check out the photos he sent." " Let me see." "I give up!" "So, you're coming." "You keep the tickets coz I'm sure to lose them." "We have a problem with the length." "We need to squeeze in a news report." "Give me that." "We were going to do a piece on the bats' mating season anyway." "Shall we put that in?" "Good idea, but the team wouldn't get back before midnight." "I know which team is going." "Hasan!" "Hasan!" "No, that biatch sent us on purpose." "Just so I won't make it to the concert." "And what for?" "Bat mating season!" "Isn't that just totally absurd?" "It's the summit of absurdity." "A season for mating?" "Really now!" "Like seasonal workers." "Me, I mate every season of the year." "God is testing me through you..." "Good thing I have the camera." "Otherwise they might think you kidnapped me." "Don't you feel like it at all?" "Don't you?" "I do feel like it, but I don't feel like having you, moron." "Walk on." "So?" "There are no bats." "What were they supposed to do?" "Welcome you at the gate?" "Offer you Cologne?" "Girl, don't you ever watch documentaries?" "Bats are shy creatures." "They cover themselves with their wings while they're doing it." "Like this." "Bats!" "Where are you, bats?" "Little Birdies, come out and mate a little so we can shoot our thing." "I'm leaving." "Shall we go out some place tonight?" "I'm really bored." "I don't feel very well." "I'm gonna go home and sleep anyway." "Shall I make you soup or something?" "Would you like that?" "No, no." "I just feel a little achy." "Don't trouble yourself." "I just need a little rest to feel better." "Fine, alright." "Bats!" "Here, here!" "Hurry, hurry!" "I wish I'd been recording." "You'd have ended up on YouTube one more time." "Is it that funny?" "You keep the light to yourself while I can't see anything." "So I'm the guilty one again?" "You should stop jumping around like Heidi on hormones in the fields." "Who are you calling "on hormones", man?" "I'm telling you I'm going to a concert with Molasses, we have to hurry." "Haven't I made myself clear?" "You think you're the only one who has a date?" "I have a sex life, too." "And not all iffy like yours." "Mine's guaranteed." "Guaranteed." "Iffy?" "What kind of sex life could you possibly have, you horny buck?" "Your sex life, you know, it can only be tzatziki." " Really, is that how it is?" " Of course." "You keep calling me Brother Hasan, but you keep rubbing up against me." " As if I wouldn't get it." " I'm rubbing up against you?" "!" "Right now, I'd rather rub up against that rock than against you." "I'll show you what a rock is." "Why would Molasses even so much as look at you, Heidi?" "!" "Stop yodeling, "Heidilei, Heidilei"." " And you stop screaming at me!" " I'm not screaming." " You are screaming." " Not even my father ever screamed at me." "Oh, really?" "That's not screaming." "Now listen:" "Allah!" "It collapsed." "What are we gonna do now?" "Thank you." "Where are you?" "There's no phone coverage." "You know, we'll end up dying like disaster victims whose phones die." "Bats will mate on our dead bodies." "That'll be some news." "Two naked skeletons found wrapped around each other in the depths of a cave." "Naked?" "Brother Hasan!" "Don't call me "brother"." "Everybody calls me "brother"." "That's why I get no action." "Listen, girl." "I'm a virgin." " What?" " A virgin!" "I'm a virgin!" "I was born a virgin and I'll die a virgin!" "What about all the sisters you bedded?" "You were saying you had a date tonight." "It was a dentist's appointment!" "God!" "I have even paid the fee!" "I'm both broke and a virgin!" "I'm a blank sheet!" "I'm gonna die without even having been kissed on the lips." "We're gonna die." "You've waited a long time, my friend." "Good bye, then." " Pucca?" " It's not Pucca." "This is her aunt." "I'm so sorry." "She hasn't met me for the concert, that's why I called." "How could she possibly come?" "You should be ashamed of yourself!" "Wasn't it you who sent my girl to the middle of nowhere?" "I'm going crazy." "Her phone is out of coverage area." "But..." "How?" "Biatch!" "He hung up, too!" "Brother!" "Come on, Pucca, come on!" "Still no coverage, man." "Molasses is calling." " Hello, Molasses?" " Hello?" "I'm sorry, I couldn't make it to the concert." "Coz I'm in a cave but you can go to the concert alone if you want." "What?" "Are you guys alright?" "What's going on?" "Stop blathering, girl!" "Hello." "Hello." "Molly!" "The cave has collapsed, we're stuck." " Hello?" " Come and save me dear little birdie." "Listen." "If anything happens to me, I swear I'll sue you." " How is this his fault?" "!" " Cut it out!" " I'll drag your ass..." "Hello?" " Hello?" " Is he gone?" " It got cut off." " What did he say?" "Did he get the message?" " Yeah. "I'll come when it's over" he said." "You and your damn concert!" "I couldn't hear anything." "Did he say he was going to the concert?" "Did he say "I'm going"?" "Where in the cave are you, I wonder." "Can you tell me where we're going?" "Where?" "Pucca!" "I must really love Molasses some special way, coz I feel like he's quietly whispering my name in my ear." " Pucca!" " I swear I feel like he is, too." "He keeps blowing into my ear, that rascal." "Why would he blow into your ear, Brother Hasan?" "I'm not pleased either but he is." "He's blowing." "Pucca!" "Hasan!" "And now I'm seeing a white light." "The light is calling me." "I wonder if I'm dying." "That's Molasses." " My Molasses came to save me." " Molasses!" "Molasses!" "I'm here!" "Molly!" "Wait there, I'll drop a rope down to you." "You see?" "My Molasses didn't leave me to die here." "First the children and the Hasans." "Arrivederci!" "Pull!" "Am I gonna stay here by myself?" "I'm..." "I..." "Come on, Pucca, come on." "You can do this." "Hello everyone." "My brave savior!" "I knew it, Little Bird." "I knew you'd save me." "My dear little brother." "My hero." "Hasan, where's Pucca?" "Is she down there?" "Last I saw her, she was down there." "Pucca!" "It's your turn!" "I can't do this, Molasses." "I'm scared." "I have a fear of heights." "Alright, stay calm." "I'm coming down." "Seriously?" "Hasan, back the car up when I give you the signal." " Molasses!" " Get over here." "Are you ready?" "Come on." "Hasan!" "Pull!" "Hasan!" "Slowly, Hasan!" "Molasses!" "Are you alright?" "He's not breathing!" "I have to give him mouth-to-mouth." "What?" "I don't understand." "You can't...?" " Get off of me." " Am I heavy?" "I'm gonna get some help!" "Wait for me!" "Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation may be a good idea, in fact." "The chill in this cave is something else." "I'm cold." "Get over here." " Are you cold, too?" " A little." "Not too much." "We've blown the concert." "Forget about it." "The point is to be together, isn't it?" "Yes." "Besides, I can sing for you." "What?" "You can sing?" "Of course." "I sing the hell out of songs." " Would you sing for me?" " I'd love to." "Shall I sing, then?" "I'm really excited right now." "Songs are left 'till tomorrow Time didn't heal my sorrow" "The fire burns what it touches This situation" " What are you doing, man?" "!" " Singing." "Don't sing." "The cave will collapse." "That's it?" "I feel like I've collapsed." "That's it?" " Alright, shall I sing another song?" " No." "I don't want you to." " I beg you, I'm not ready, please." " I'm gonna sing." "Draw me woman Who won't leave me like she did" "Hide her, bury her" " You said it would collapse?" " Let it collapse." "No one will see her" "I don't know exactly how long we were there, how long we talked." "We weren't cold at all." "Don't panic." "Stay calm." "I have everything under control." "I sent the team, they'll get them out." "We're here." "Don't be afraid." "Well, you picked the ideal moment, man!" "We'd be dead if you had come two minutes later." "You seem to be doing fine." "Shall I just go?" "Come on." "They're here." "They're here." " Thanks be to God!" " Aunt, be careful." "My daughter!" " Are we saved?" " Yes." " But be careful." " You be careful too." " Nothing happened, right?" " Right." " My niece!" " Sister." "My darling." "My little darling." " What is she doing here, man?" "!" " Thank you so much, son!" " I told you." " Yes, you did." "We're grateful to you, Mr Hasan." "We, uhm, excuse me, dear, let's..." "Wasn't it you who sent us here, dear?" "I got really worried about the baby in my tummy." "I didn't want him to be fatherless." "How do you mean?" "Pucca!" "I didn't know, I didn't know about any of it." "Shame on you." "I didn't expect this from you." "I'm never going to forgive you." "Sister." "Pucca." "Shame!" "There are people who haven't gotten any action yet." "Get a load of the boobies." "What are you doing?" "You have to film me." "I'm the bride." "Yeah, yeah." "I'll get to it." "What's going on, man?" "What's that, man?" "They look like ghouls." "Let them get married." "I'll make a new life for myself." "In a different city." "After all, my Dad is behind me." "I'm still young." "And I'm pretty, too." "There will certainly come someone who'll love me." "I'm not the kind who'll stoop so low as to envy others' happiness." "A yard full of dogs." "A good husband." "Cheerful children playing football." "What would I say to such a life?" " Yes." " Yes." "And years later at a morning movie I went to every Sunday..." "Molasses." "Right, Molasses." "Do I look like Molasses?" "I'm all caramelized now." "No, no." "You're still acceptably handsome." "Good reflexes." "The biatch isn't here?" "Where's the biatch?" "Why doesn't that woman age, man?" "!" "Does she eat embryos on an empty stomach every morning or something?" "Filth!" "Filth!" "So?" "How've you been?" "Like you see." "Did you ever think if it had been the two of us how our life would have been?" "Every single day." "Every second." "And you?" "No, I didn't think of it." "I'm in a good place, thank God." "God damn you!" "May you go into andropause!" "Fortunately, that's not what happened." "Molasses!" "Alright, that's not exactly what happened either." "The mug I gave Rusty when I left my job  would you believe it, saved both our lives." " And so..." " F**k!" "What's going on, man?" "!" "Where's Pucca?" "Pucca!" "Pucca, get up, quick!" " I got something I gotta show you." " Rusty!" "What's going on, man?" " Where's the remote?" " Rusty, what are you doing here?" "Wait, slow down a little, girl!" "What are you doing?" "The baby's gonna end up in rehab before he's even born." "What baby, girl?" "This is empty." " Look at that biatch." " One more day and the papers are signed." "I can fill it later." "So forget it." "Besides, I wouldn't want to have a baby at this age and ruin my body." "As long as your mother-in-law doesn't hear about it." "The mother-in-law will be dead in three years, girl." "So forget it." "Hear that?" " That biatch!" " She's not pregnant." "A real fraud." " Aunt, she's not pregnant." " She's not." "I just have to say, wedding must be over by now." "What time was the ceremony?" " The invitation." " But I ate it, Aunt." "If we put that piece over there..." "So?" "The piece with the time is missing." "Where's that piece?" "Just a sec." "It got stuck here." " Eight o'clock." " What?" " We have one hour." " How are we gonna make it without a car?" "Attention, ladies." "The overlock machine has come to your feet." "Dad!" "Don't get out, stop!" " The biatch is not pregnant." " What?" "She tricked Molasses." "We have to go and crash that wedding right now." " I won't let that woman eat that kid up." " Don't let her, Dad." " Where's your aunt?" " Aunt!" "Where is she?" " I'm here!" " Aunt, for God's sake!" "Give me one logical reason why you are dressed that way." "People would talk, my girl." "This is a wedding." "We'll be among strangers." " Why didn't you get something for us too?" " Come on, jump in." " Did you get my blue dress?" " I love action!" "Hasan." "We have to stop this wedding." "Don't you dare let them get married, alright?" "How am I supposed to prevent a wedding?" "What do I say? "You can't get married, I'm in love with that man"?" "Besides, when he sees that footage, everything will be in the open." " The address?" "What's the address?" " Just a sec, Dad." "I'm on the phone." "Alright." "Alright." "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "The ceremony has already started." "Hang up, hang up." "We have to hurry." "Zodi, tie it." "Shall we give them a half or a whole gold piece?" "Even a quarter's too much." "We'll play one song and move on to Çeşme." " Welcome." " Thank you." "How are you?" " Thank you." "Ferman." " Congratulations, little brother." " Thank you very much, brother." " We're on the stage tonight." "Great!" "Dad!" "I don't want to seem husband-crazy but could you floor it for God's sake?" " This way, Dad." "Dad!" "This way." " Give me eyeliner." "Black eyeliner." "And now, with commentary by the angel-faced bride a slide show of the journey of the happy couple." "Darling, I sang this song for you." "Are you alright, my son?" "You're pulling a long face." "I'm fine, mother." "I guess I'm a little tired." "Must be the wedding preparations." "I see." "You're right." "What's going on, man?" "!" "Stop!" "This woman's not pregnant." "Pucca?" "Get her out of here, quick." "Get them all out of here." " Brother, start the CD, quick!" " Come on, boy." "Take care of this!" "Molasses!" "This woman's not pregnant." "Mother, I present my respects." "Mother." "Is it true?" " Is it true?" "Tell me." " You shut up, already!" "Throw them out, I said." "What are you waiting for?" "!" "What are you doing?" "They're touching me all over." "Brother Hasan, put on the CD already." "Let go of me!" " We're just doing our job." " Are you mentally retarded, man?" "!" "The baby's gonna end up in rehab before he's even born." "What baby, girl?" "This is empty." "One more day and the papers are signed." "I can fill it later." "So forget it." "Besides, I wouldn't want to have a baby at this age and ruin my body?" "As long as your mother-in-law doesn't hear about it." "The mother-in-law will be dead in three years, girl." "So forget it." " Mümü?" " Not "Mümü"." "Müzeyyen." "Did you believe it?" "Shall I play it again?" "Brother Hasan, again..." "Calm down." "You've just saved my life." "My hero." "Will you ever forgive me?" "It looks like we're about to have a romantic conversation here, now." "So I better go and get myself in order." "I'm back!" "May I kiss you?" "Of course you kiss me." "We crashed your wedding." "Was it all in vain?" "We almost died." "God forbid, what if something had happened to Dad's car?" "Possessions are a splinter of one' self" "I love you." "And I love you." "But just a sec." "Could I just take that?" "What the hell is going on here?" "!" "I don't understand either." " Hey." "Do you recognize me?" " Where did you come from?" "What is it?" "Remember how you swore at my father the other night?" "Do those kids a favor." "Sing a song and let's be friends." " Shall we take the next song as our song?" " Let's do that, my love." "He said, "my love"." "There was no wedding that night." "But, boy, did I dance!" "They put four quarter gold pieces on me." "What happened after that?" "What happened after that?" "We're fine now." "Of course, this is just the beginning." "Who knows what else we'll experience." "We'll just have to wait and see." "Alright, then." "Please God..."