"(music playing over phone)" "You are first in the queue." "We will be with you shortly." "We value your time." "Thanks for your patience." "(music resumes)" "Hello,nameplease?" "Uh, Hannah." "Oh,g 'day,Hannah." "How can we help you?" "Um, I need-- my phone's been cut off." "I forgot to pay the bill." "Okay." "Letme transfer you to billing." "Um, no, um..." " (music resumes)" " No!" "Oh, fuck." "You are third in the queue." "We will be with you shortly." "Thanks for your patience." "(music resumes)" "You are second in the queue." "We will be with you shortly." "Thanks for your patience." "Ah, fuck!" "Fuck!" "(sniffling)" "You are first in the queue." "We will be with you shortly." "Thanks for your patience." "* ooh *  * yeah, I'll be fine, yeah * * ooh * * okay, yeah * * oh, the good lord knows it, oh, the good lord knows it *" "* I left better behind *" "* I'll be fine * * yeah, yeah * * make my mama turn another blind eye * * yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah *" "* I left better behind I'll be fine *" "Hannah, dinner's ready." "Yum, yum!" "Dinner!" "Yeah, all right." "Mae, that-- that's a lot of cheese." "You say that every time." "Every time we have pasta," "You say "that's a lot of cheese."" "I know it's a lot of cheese." "That is how much cheese I like." "So, please," "Take a mental note that I like a lot of cheese" "So we don't have to talk about it again." "Okay?" "Okay." "Have as much cheese as you like." "Yes." "(sobbing)" "What's the matter?" "Is it that time of the month?" "No!" "I had sex with a man." "A different man." "Josh, what is this?" "It's a french stick." "I thought we weren't eating bread?" "Oh, yeah, I thought it might be nice to have some bread." "Josh, why are you doing this?" "I just thought, maybe, bread isn't actually the enemy." "Do you know how many times over the last two weeks" "I've wanted to eat white food and I didn't?" " Because it spikes your blood sugar." " No!" "No?" "Well, yes, but also," "I did it for us." "Because of us." "And now you're quitting on me?" "No, don't you say that." "That's not true, tom, I couldn't quit you." "I mean, surely Arnold doesn't eat bread." "So fit." "You're just gonna get fat for arnold now?" "It's the same amount to love, it's just spread thinner!" "There were doughnuts at the office today, and I didn't touch them." "You did touch your boss' junk, though." "Right, tom?" "Am I right?" "Tom..." "Did you get your fine sorted out?" " No." " Oh, what happened?" "Well, you really gotta get it sorted, Hannah." "It's been weeks." "People wanna call you." "What people?" "Me." "Why would you call me?" "I'm right here." "You're right there." "This is where we always are." " Hey, it's Friday night." " Yeah." "Well, we should go out." " Out?" " Yeah, out." "No." " Yeah." " No." "I want to go to a lesbian bar." "Why would you want to go to a bar?" "You got a lesbian and a beer right here." "Please, take me, Hannah, please?" "Is this your way of telling me you're a lesbian?" "No." "Just thought I would ask." "Can't be too careful these days." "Will you say something?" "Let me finish this." "Or it'll get cold." "I used the good mince, I want to finish it." "Okay." "It was ages ago." "Last year." "I was pregnant." "I had no control, alan." "I was a slave to my pregnant hormones." "I bit your arm." "I tried to repaint the bathroom." "I cry at the butcher's, and I had an affair." "Okay." "Who was he?" "I don't know his name." "All right." "Would I know his name?" "No." "I'm sorry, alan." "I don't know what I was thinking." "Like, the time when you decided we should go kite-surfing." "You know..." "Where did you meet him?" "A website." " The internet?" " Yeah." "Bloody internet!" "Sick of it." "Our farming changed the genetic structure of wheat faster than we could evolve alongside it," "Bread is low in essential nutrients." " It makes you more hungry." " Gluten!" "Fucking gluten, Josh." "Fuck off, gluten." "You bloat me, gluten." "(chuckling) Yeah." "Mmm." "Um..." "So, I was just thinking maybe it's just okay to eat bread sometimes." "No!" "I can't!" "You might be able to eat it just once," "But I'm not strong enough in moral character." "Shh." "Just-- you know that scene in Aladdin," "Where aladdin gives the orphan kid some bread?" "He shares his bread with him?" "Well, that scene makes me furious, reflecting back on it!" " (laughing) - (knocking)" " (dog barking)" " Arnold again?" " You like Arnold." " Do I?" " Yes!" " Ugh." "(rap music playing) * came through in the clutch, stomping like I'm up in loubitons * * boys they wanna paint me like I'm canvas to do sumi on *" "* I hate bottled water but whatever I'm pouring evian * (laughing)" "* I'm the kind of john closet dudes wanna go steady on * * toss my gems up, raise the bar." "Yung phenomenon *" "* I make a neo-nazi kamikaze wanna firebomb *" "Hey, now, that's too much!" "(coughing)" "Ugh." "I'm no expert on fun." "Does it look like I'm having fun?" "Well, it's impossible to tell with you." "Well, let's just assume I am." "You're smiling on the inside." "Drunk on the inside." "Oh, well, I suppose it's better than nothing, isn't it?" "(baby crying)" "Oh..." "We are sure Grace is mine?" "Of course, Alan." "I was already very pregnant." "Shh." "Oh, god." "Grace was there." "It was a mistake." "He had pregnant fetish." "It was weird." "He kept talking about the baby inside me." " Okay" " Ugh." "I'm not happy about it either, you know" "Okay." "Are you okay?" "You want a cup of tea or something?" "Or ice cream?" "No, I think we're out of ice cream." "* doo-wop, doo-wop, wop * * doo-wop, ooh-a-ooh *" "I'm gonna come out to my parents." "Oh, fuck, that's great!" "Yeah, great." "Terrifying though." "You terrified?" " Terrified." " Why?" "Uh, Arnold's dad doesn't really like homosexuals." "Oh, no." "Why doesn't he like homosexuals?" "I don't know." "He's just so hassled by them." "Did you just ask why Arnold's dad doesn't like homosexuals?" "Oh." "Yeah, sorry." "As if we could pinpoint why someone's homophobic." "It's not like being scared of dogs, tom." "Okay?" "He wasn't bitten by a homosexual when he was a child." "Um..." "Yeah." "I just meant, um..." "How do we know that he doesn't like them?" "Um, he said so." "A few times." "Once he told me that I should quit the choir" "Because the other boys will think you're a fag and beat you up." ""it's not worth it, arnie, just sing at home."" "He might be okay, though." "He's calmed down a bit." "He did grow up in a time where people thought different stuff." "Yeah." "You know?" "That might balance out how much he hates queers?" "It's just going to go great, isn't it Tom?" "It's gonna be fine, yeah?" "Yup." "I understand." "It's not like I haven't had affairs." "Not while I've been with you." "Oh." "Okay." "I understand." "You know, hormones, and you were..." "I understand." "I'm not mad." "Obviously, I wasn't giving you enough attention." "Oh, no." "Alan, it's my fault." "It's not you." "Oh, okay." "I can make it up to you, huh?" "Please, Mae, don't." "Oh, come on." "My hands are too soaped up right now to stop you," "But I really want you to hear me when I say I want you to stop." "No, you don't want me to stop." "You're embarrassing yourself!" "I want to do it properly, at my birthday." "I want to stand up and announce it." "I have nothing to be afraid of." "No." "Not at your birthday, not with me there." "No, no." "Then they're gonna think it's my fault." "Guys..." "Oh, yeah, Arnold, you should know the whole time you've been talking about" "This upcoming pivotal moment in your life," "Tom has just been furious that you ate the bread." "Oh, sorry." "Did you not want me to eat your bread?" "No, you can do whatever you want with bread." "It's just that I choose not to eat it," "And josh and I were supposed to be doing it together," "But then he decided that his word means nothing." "Tom thinks bread's poison." "Why does everyone suddenly think bread is so bad?" "What's so bad about bread?" "There were hot people in the '90s, they ate bread." "Arnold, it's..." "It's not really about bread." "It's about josh and..." "Well, I'm sorry for dragging you into it." "It's not your fault." "You seem actually upset." "Are you actually upset?" "Am not." "Aww, come on, cheer up, buddy." "Yeah, buddy." "Why don't you tell us about what you're making there?" "Hey, I'm not mocking you, I'm genuinely interested." "I'm team tom." "He's making a little cardboard city." "Why?" "None of your fucking business!" "He doesn't know why." "* doo-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop, doo-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop *" "(chickens clucking) *doo-wop-wop-wop-wop* * wop, doo-wop *" "(phone ringing)" "Hey, ma!" "Hannah ran away!" "What?" "Whereareyou ?" "Yeah, I'm in a lesbian bar." "Oh my" " Arnold, my mum's a lesbian!" "No, I am not" "She just came out to me." "Congratulations, Rose!" "I did not." "Joshua!" "Well, that is inspiring." "Maybe she can give you some tips, babe?" "She just said, "mm-mm, I love the smell of pussy in the morning!"" "No, I did" " Joshua!" "Don't tell them I said that!" "Tell her that her journey's an inspiration to me." "Arnold thinks you've put on weight." "He did not say that!" "He did." "He says you're a fat, fat, bitch." "I don't know why he said it." "It's very disappointing." "No, I'm not happy about it either." "You're my mum." "I don't like that kind of disrespect about my mum." " What" " Where's Hannah?" "I don't know, do I!" "That's why I called you!" "Well, I don't know." "Why'd you think I'd know?" "I don't know anything." "Oh, no, I found her, I found her!" "Where have you been?" "Hannah!" "Dancing." "Dancing?" "Oh." "I have been worried sick!" "Aww..." "I thought she might have been the one." "(phone ringing)" "Hi, Josh, it's dad." " What?" "Dad, you're a lesbian?" " (chuckling)" "Mae's had an affair." "Oh." "Mae's had an affair." " (laughing stops)" "No, that is-- that is bad, yeah?" "Yeah,itwasjust one night." "It's over." "She was pregnant." "That is" " I'm not sure I knew that was possible." "No, it..." "Sorry, I probably shouldn't have burdened you with this." "I'm sorry." "Don't be sorry." "This is a big thing." "I know." "And it's not your fault." "Well, no." "Do you want me to come round?" "Dad?" "Sorry, I..." "I shouldn't have called you." "I don't know." "I guess I just needed to..." "Say it out loud to know that it was true." "And now I have said it." "Yeah, it's pretty heavy." "She met him on a pregnancy fetish page." "Oh, wow." "On the bloody internet!" "Sorry, josh." "I'm gonna go." " Bye." " Bye." "Can you-- can you do that?" "Straight after having a baby?" "Don't you need time for, like, the vagina?" "It was while she was pregnant." "That's bad, yeah?" "It's..." "Is it surprising?" "Tom." "Come on, buddy." "You are being no fun." "Does that surprise you?" "If you want to have fun, introduce yourself to someone fun." "Yeah, well, it was a dumb idea that you and I could have a good time, hannah." "That-- let's go." "I'm gonna call a cab." "We're going." "No, it's fine." "We can stay." "No." "You hate being out with me." "We don't have to go." "Do you even like me?" "I live with you!" "Now, see!" "You can't even say that you like me!" "(phone ringing)" "We could have done this at home, you know?" "Say that you like me!" "Okay, I like you." "Okay." "'Cause I like you too!" "Okay." "I like you too." "Good." "Howareyougonna come out, Arnold?" "Well, I guess I could yell it from a passing car." "That's how people tell me I'm gay." "I can flip the system." "Um,well,Ihave some pretty big news, too." "I think I'm gonna come home." "When?" "Idon'tknow." "I can't afford to change my flight," "But I can't afford to keep living here." "Claire, would you like to borrow some money?" "Doyouhavemoney?" "Ohmygod,well, that would be incredible!" "Uh, hey, Josh, can you please fly me to Hollywood?" "Willyoustillbeable  to afford your special volumizing shampoo?" " (laughing)" " Yes." "I have budgeted for that." "What are you going to ask for in return?" "Oh, make Tom eat bread." " Yes." " No, Arnold!" "I thought we were a team?" " We're not a team." " I'm not eating bread." "Wouldn't be right." "You have to stay alone in germany." "Get used to crying while eating sausages." "I'm happy to eat a piece of bread for a friend." "It's just that you're all gonna pretend" "Like I'm doing it because you think I'm in love with her." "Yeah." "Obviously." "I'mnot!" "That's what I was planning on thinking." "Please,Tom?" "Ugh." "Yes!" " Eating bread!" " (phone rings)" " Mae?" " Josh?" "Josh, do you know where your dad is?" "Dad's missing?" "Well, has he got his car?" "Yes,buthe left his wallet and his phone." "I'm scared, josh." "I think he has run into the night." "Oh, no, I mean, he should not be in the night." "I did it." "Josh's dad is missing." "He's missing?" "It's Mae." "Oh!" "Who's on the phone?" "Josh!" "What did you call him for?" "Don't bother him with this!" "Well, I just couldn't find you." "I thought you ran away." "I had a swim." "It's freezing cold outside!" "He had a swim?" "A swim?" "I didn't know your dad had a pool." " Hang up!" " What?" "No, no, don't." "I'll talk to him." "He want to talk to you." "No, no." "Tell him to go to sleep." "Yeah, well, that has not been his decision since I was 11." "He's stomping away, up the stairs." "Look, you're not angry at me, are you josh?" "You stuffed up." "It's fine." "I get it." "People stuff up." "I canceled our trip to Thailand, by the way." " What?" " Canceled it!" "Why did you do that?" "!" "Yeah,maybeIwillcome  and pick him up." "I told Josh to come pick you up." " I mean, I don't want to." " No!" "No, no, no, no, no no, no, no." "I'm fine." "I'm fine!" "I think it's a good idea, Alan." "Maybe you need some space?" "I would, but you just went for a swim in the cold." "And you just canceled a non-refundable ticket to see my family." "So, you know, I think, maybe I should be the one" "To look after grace tonight, huh?" "All right." "All right." "Okay." "Okay." "Dad, arnold's gonna come out to his parents this weekend." "Oh, good on you, mate." "I'm sure they'll be very happy for you." "I was thinking, maybe, um," "You could pretend to be arnold's dad," "And arnold can tell you that he's gay," "And then you can accept him, as like, a little practice." "Oh, no, Josh, I'm not really in the mood." "Okay." "My dad, he can't even pretend to accept who you are." "Unacceptable." "Oh, um, that's cool." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "Yeah." "Um, dad," "There's really no other way of saying this." "I wanted to let you know that, um..." "I'm gay." "Well, that's great news." "Maybe on the weekend, you can take me to the shops and teach me to dress better." "Sure thing, pal." "It's just a little stereotypy." "Mm, I didn't like it." "Nope." "I didn't like it, not one bit." "Nope, nope, nope, nope." "No, I did not like it." " Did I overact?" " No." "No, I want more." " Mm, yeah." " Yeah." "I wasn't moved." "Claire, were you moved?" "Arnold, maybe you can cast your mind back to when you were in the choir, yes?" " Okay." " Okay, yeah, sing over there." "And, dad" " I don't wanna sing." "You can play arnold's dad learning tolerance." " Yes, this." "We love this." " Yes." "I really don't wanna sing." "Yeah." "Oh..." "Yeah, arnold doesn't want to cheer you up." "He just doesn't care about your heart." "I just don't really think that it's your choice, Arnold." "Just there." "* party girls don't get hurt * * can't feel anything, when will I learn *" "* I push it down, I push it down *" "Wow." "Arnold, you have a beautiful voice." "Dad, you idiot!" "You're playing his dad now." "Okay?" "He has an awful voice, yuck, yuck voice." "Come with me." "* phone's blowin' up, they're ringin' my doorbell *" "* I feel the love, I feel the love * Okay." "I think you should put on this hat, yes?" " (plays the piano)" " And then I want you to go in there" "And how he's defying traditional gender roles with his nancy-boy singing." "Sit." "Grumpy." "Then, as the song changes, gradually change your mind." "* one, two, three, one two, three drink * * one, two, three, one two, three drink * * one, two, three, one two, three drink * * throw 'em back, till I lose count *" "* I'm gonna swing * * from the chandelier, from the chandelier *" "Dad, this is when you should start changing your mind." "* I'm gonna live * * like tomorrow doesn't exist * * like it doesn't exist *" "* I'm gonna fly * * like a bird in the night * * feel my tears as they dry *" "* I'm gonna swing * * from the chandelier * * from the chandelier *" " (applauds)" " No, Tom, no." "Dad?" "(starts clapping)" "Woo!" "That's my boy." "That's my son." "Dad..." "I'm not sexually attracted to women." "I'm proud of you." "Even though you're gay." "Because it doesn't matter that you're gay." "What matters is that you're a good person." "It... (chuckles)" "Nailed it." "(retching)" "It's not coming up."