"This programme contains some strong language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting." "Can you see me?" "Bear with me." "Ooh, we're on." "This is exciting." "It just really hit me hard today." "God, hang on, let me get it together." "The end of my nose is really big." "Can you see that?" "I have no boobs." "I just don't feel confident with it." "I want to do something about my body." "I'm going to do something about my body." "Sod what anyone else thinks, this is my body." "I hope it doesn't hurt." "Aww, you're going to be so much happier." "I know!" "That was the worst experience of my life." "How do you feel about this whole experience?" "Traumatised." "What happens if changing my body doesn't change the way I feel about myself?" "MUSIC: "Flash A Hungry Smile" by Mystery Jets" "As you can see, I have been crossing off all of my dates." "And so now we are at... ..the 19th of March, 19th." "In a couple of days we've got my consultation up in Manchester, that's why it says "Seven days" there." "And then, da-da-daa!" "My surgery on the 29th of March, and there you can see I've got nice little gold stars, cos I'm a massive loser and that's how I did it." "# When you walk into the room" "# Girls growl, boys swoon... #" "So, well, the dorsal hump, with me, but then if he just did that, it'd be too straight." "Well, not too straight, but too pointy, it'd project out on my face too much, like so." "And so basically, you need to bring the tip in, only just slightly." "But you do need to, kind of, bring it in, otherwise" "I'll just have a massive pointy beak triangle thing going on, which is not what we're looking for." "That is basically what I want done, so, yeah." "MUSIC: "Avril 14th" by Aphex Twin" "I hate sitting in a row of people... because I know that everyone can see just my side profile and I can't stand that." "I hate that." "Is it normal for me to go and get my nose changed?" "No, I don't think it's normal, but I think it's fine and perfectly acceptable." "But then again, is it normal for someone to get hair extensions?" "Yes." "So what's the difference?" "MUSIC: "What You Know" by Two Door Cinema Club" ""Do you think it's normal to change your body?"" "Do I think it's normal to change my body?" "It's your body, I suppose, yeah, you can do what you want wi' it." "It's not about me trying to be something that I'm not, it's about me trying to be the best version of me that I can be." "It is now normal to change your body." "It's become an acceptable part of society to change everything we look like." "People want to make a good first impression, people want to be liked." "# In a few weeks, I will get time" "# To realise it's right before my eyes" "# And I can take it If it's what I want to do" "# I am leaving and this is starting" "# To feel like... #" "Cosmetic surgery is becoming a lot more acceptable." "Erm, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and I told him that I was going to get a boob job and I thought he was going to be shocked or something." "No." "He just said, "Oh, my mate's girlfriend just had hers done," ""and another mate of mine had hers done."" "So, I was just like, "Oh, OK." ""This is a pretty normal thing to talk about, then."" "Just an average conversation." "Like, yeah, we'll talk about boob jobs then." "Woo!" "No." "Hi, this is me in the mirror with my crazy friend." "That's the one!" "I just think I'm, like, horribly flat-chested and I just don't like it, I don't like how I look in nice tops and clothes." "Even this makes me feel really uncomfortable." "Just be nice to wear, like, a nice V-neck top or nice dresses or a boob tube or bikini and just look nice and be in proportion." "I've just always wanted a little extra, just something there, like, real boobs, like what other girls have." "Yeah, but if you..." "Stop filming my boobs!" "If you look at what I have to contend with, boobs!" "Boobs!" "All my friends, they just look amazing, and it's just so annoying how they can just get dressed and be fine and get on with their life and then there's me, trying to get by by buying massive fake bras" "and padded bras and whatever." "OK, I'm going to have fake boobs but they'll be attached to me and I never have to take them off." "Yeah, see, this is Holly and she's hot and it's just annoying, so that's what I have to live with." "But now I'm getting my own boobs so that's pretty cool." "This is my massive padded bra." "Can you tell?" "My God, they're huge now!" "And then, hold on, let's do the trick." "I'll take it off and then you can see the difference of the massive padded bra to... nothing!" "Do you see?" "Nothing!" "Now it is happening, don't laugh at me." "Yeah, I'm kind of in two minds about it." "Obviously it's a good thing and a bad thing because, you know, she's my friend and I think she looks beautiful the way she is, even though she..." "Fuck off!" "Oh, shit, sorry." "Bit worried that she's rushing it slightly." "Yeah, it's been what?" "Six months since your first appointment?" "That's half a year!" "Yeah, I know, but some people go years." "They think about it for years and then they wait..." "No, they think about it for years." "No, they don't wait years, there's no-one that I know, no-one I've met has waited years, they just do it and it gets done, it gets done in at least four months," "like, the longest or something like that, from the first consultation." "I don't know, I guess I'm just a bit worried that maybe she's going to be disappointed at the end of it." "I know she's saying at the moment she's not, she's like, "I'll have boobs!" "It's amazing!"" "I'm just worried that she might be disappointed." "Hiya!" "Hi." "I'm Jamie, Jamie Jones." "I'm Jamie, I'm 25, and this film is about me and my experiences with hair loss." "I'm a professional dancer, that's what I do." "It's my job to look good and, you know, my body is my own product." "As you can tell, I work out quite a bit." "Gosh, it's such a nice day today, we're just on the beach in Blackpool." "So we're just on the middle of the promenade at the moment and you can see the Tower and the big wheel and the Pleasure Beach is behind us." "There's my little broom-broom convertible." "So, erm... ..what I don't like about my hair is, erm, as you can see, there's this, like, long piece." "So it's receding, obviously, so it looks like I've got a disease, and, er, it goes back quite a bit there." "I spend so much time on it, like, trying to get it in place." "I'll get up and, like, wash it, shampoo it, and then blow dry it and straighten it." "And just look at my hair constantly and just see if those bits are... and I've had to grow it longer, this bit here, to like, kind of make, like, a fringe." "# You look like you've been for breakfast at the Heartbreak Hotel" "# And sat in the back booth... #" "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight." "One, two, three..." "Right, that's it, yeah." "And the kick, perfect." "Erm, so..." "What's the reason of you filming me today?" "Right, well, you know I've been, like, worried about it, haven't I, for a while?" "And you're a hairdresser, aren't you?" "Cos it's so far back." "All right!" "So, cos you know I love dancing and I just feel like it's..." "Yeah, it's a bit more..." "you always talk about it" "And, like, you know, I'd hate to, like, think about giving it up, cos of the way that I look." "I've been in touch with a clinic." "I'm doing it and I'm getting this new procedure done called Micro Hair Technique, MHT." "Have you heard it?" "Yeah, where it's..." "Yeah, you know when you get your eyebrows done, like HD'd and stuff, it's like that." "Oh, my God." "Are you going to have to shave your hair off?" "Yeah." "Oh, my God, it's going to look amazing." "Aww, you're going to be so much happier." "I know!" "It's..." "like a tattoo." "It's going to bring my hairline down a lot more and it's just going to give me like an all..." "I'll have to shave my head constantly." "It's going to give me, like, a number one, like that buzz look, which is quite a timeless look, it's always in fashion, isn't it?" "I hope it doesn't hurt." "I haven't actually thought about that." "It might hurt." "Cos it's like a needle, in't it?" "Good morning." "It is... ..6.02am, which is disgusting." "I've just woken up." "Erm..." "Yeah." "Goodbye, old nose." "And I'm off to Manchester, so I will see you there." "I am in the hospital." "I have checked in." "I have seen my surgeon, everything is AOK." "I have got changed into my very nice sexy gown and I've been given these lovely sexy socks to wear, as well." "Erm, yeah, I'm ready to go." "I'm getting quite excited now." "A-ah, new nose!" "New nose!" "Erm, OK, well I'll see you after my surgery, when I will have a new nose." "OK, bye." "I just came out of surgery and... as you can see," "I've got a massive thing on my face." "I feel a bit nauseous, and this here is, literally, so painful." "And it still really hurts, so maybe they'll take it out." "He-ey!" "I don't know why I'm awake but I am, I just randomly woke up." "I'm so happy right now because I've been looking in the mirror and stuff and, erm, I can just tell that it's amazing." "Erm, like, it's just, it's a lot smaller and like even though, sorry, I'm getting a bit emotional." "I'm really trying not to cry cos it's... you know, obviously," "I don't want my nose to get runny and stuff, it's not good." "God, hang on!" "Let me get it together." "I'm really buzzing and I haven't even seen it." "Like, I can't, you know, explain to you." "Look, I've got packing all up my nostrils." "I've got awful black eyes, which are now watery after my little tears of joy." "Like, you know, my face is swollen, but I can still tell that literally it's amazing." "My body makes me feel rubbish." "I'm really insecure about the way I look." "When I go on holiday, I don't really take me T-shirt off." "I'm just so, so sick of it." "Sometimes I don't really want to go out because of it." "I want to be happy with the way I look and I've never been happy with that." "I feel like there's a part of me isn't being 100% me, because I'm just hiding what I hate about myself." "My body makes me feel like... ..like it's not really a part of me, to be honest." "It's like, Chloe's in there." "And there are all, like, these other layers around it that's stopping Chloe from coming out, to be honest." "And a lot of the times, it stops me from being happy." "And it makes me angry and it makes me really sad." "Erm... whoo, erm..." "Yeah, it just... ..it makes me feel like I'm not normal, sometimes." "I want to lose weight." "Actually, I want to lose about four, four and a half stone more now." "I'm doing a diet where you have four food packs every day instead of food." "So you replace your food with that and you drink up to four litres of water a day, and you're meant to lose about a stone a month." "I want to do that because I've always wanted to be an actress." "Crossing over now to the Nuffield Theatre, where I'm going to have my rehearsal today." "That's me." "This is my costume for the play." "Whoo!" "It's so cool!" "# Well, I don't want to wake up in the morning" "# But I've got to face the day... #" "This year, I was able to go and audition at drama schools." "I didn't get into any of, like, the big places in London, but the feedback I heard from them was either that they didn't think I was ready, they thought I was too young," "but also that they thought my weight would get in the way of the first year and that they weren't sure if I was going to be able to cope with it." "# But if you want to come back it's all right, it's all right" "# It's all right if you want to come back" "# Do you want to come back?" "#" "We're just setting out the alcohol for tonight, and the different munchies, because this is my night off!" "# But the fact is that I may" "# That's what all the... #" "I'm going to slide down this staircase now." "Let's go!" "Whoa, there's a corner!" "The gang!" "What do you think about me doing the diet, by the way, Josh?" "Erm, I think it's going to be good for you." "I think it's cool." "It's really good." "LAUGHTER" "I think, erm, it's healthy." "# But if you want to come back it's all right, it's all right" "# It's all right if you want to come back" "# Do you want to come back?" "It's all right, it's all right" "# It's all right if you want to come back to me... #" "My biggest fear is that I won't be able to do it." "MUSIC: "Wetsuit" by the Vaccines" "# If at some point we all succumb" "# For goodness sake let us be young... #" "One thing I'd change about myself is the fact that" "I sweat lots under my armpits, which some people think is normal, but I sweat a lot more than most people class as acceptable or normal." "Just so you guys can get an idea of how bad it is," "I've worn a T-shirt that's noticeably bad for me, and as you can see, you know, the colour change is quite dramatic in something like this." "Erm, yeah, so anything would be an improvement, to be honest." "Even if it just reduces it a little bit." "MUSIC: "Myth" by Beach House" "What I would suggest to you is that we try botox." "OK." "Erm, it's a very simple procedure, it's very straightforward." "It's a tiny number of little tiny, small injections all over your armpit." "Mmm-hmm." "And what that does, within a few days, it should completely stop the signal that's coming into the sweat glands." "'This Botox, which, obviously...'" "It sounds really odd for someone of 21 to be having Botox, but, apparently, it should work." "I just think how many of my friends, if I tell them, are going to be looking at my face to see what parts of me aren't moving." "And that's that one side done, Tom." "Hopefully, it will change everything, and make me a little bit more confident." "# You're up, but you'll get down" "# You're never running from this town" "# And I think you said" "# You'll never get anything better than this" "# Cos you're going round in circles" "# And everyone knows you're trouble" "# Cos you read it in a big book... #" "I think girls feel really pressured to look "perfect" all the time." "There's been a stereotype made where all girls have to be slim, tanned, and if you're not that, you just, you feel... crap." "You just don't feel good." "Young women, young girls constantly being bombarded with this unattainable goal of perfection and... flawlessness, if that's a word!" "It's an incredible amount of pressure." "I think it used to be just for women, and now it's boys, as well." "I just think there's that many good-looking people, and they're all in the media." "You never see normal people like me." "So, yeah, everybody has to aspire to these and peer pressure." "I have days where I get horrendously down and paranoid about what other people think, although I know nobody could care less." "To be successful in life, you have to look like that." "You have to look skinny, have blonde hair, be attractive." "Erm, the reason why I'm doing this video is because I'm not happy with my appearance." "As a teenage girl, at a school full of beautiful girls and good-looking people," "I'm just..." "I'm not happy." "I mean, well, it's difficult, because if I could say what I would change about my body," "I would have hair." "I mean, this isn't mine." "Which is... yeah." "It's a bit weird!" "I think, even looking at myself now," "I think I'm not a normal teenager." "I'm..." "I look just so masculine." "I'd like to just be more feminine." "I mean, my eyebrows, they're tattooed." "My eyeliner... that's not tattooed, but it's about a pound of eyeliner." "But I don't have any eyelashes, either." "And the reason why I wear these dorky glasses is because, without eyelashes, stuff falls into my eyes all the time." "I'm currently going to the gym all the time, trying to lose weight, to fit in more, and I think it's a shame that I'm a teenage girl, and I'm totally controlling my life to fit in." "I mean, I come home and literally take my wig off, because that's just what I want to do." "It's comfortable." "And I think I would never, ever, ever DREAM of leaving the house like this." "And it's my total ambition to do that." "But I just don't think I ever will." "I'm just about to go to school." "Yesterday, I came home early because of my acne." "Because it was so bad." "Today, I don't want to go into school, because it's so painful and I just want to, like, I don't know..." "I know this wouldn't help, but just put duct tape on it and just rip it off." "Rip my skin off." "I put my cream stuff on, but my skin is still really hurting." "So my skin is really sensitive, but we'll see how today goes." "So it's halfway through the day, and, erm," "I've got a few white spots here." "One or two here, but mostly here." "It makes me quite upset and annoyed." "It's like, none of my friends have acne." "So I don't exactly see it on a day-to-day basis on somebody else." "# Every day" "# Keep making the same mistakes... #" "Here is some of the stuff that I have used in the past that, obviously, hasn't worked." "Those are basically a tiny, tiny amount of things that I have tried." "Some doctors' stuff was this." "I have no idea how you say it." "And these are my oxytetratyt... oxytetracycline tablets." "It's got benzyl peroxide in it, which is meant to be good." "BOTTLES FALL Oopsie!" "I've done so much," "SO MUCH research on acne, home remedies, how to get rid of it, and also talking to my dermalogi... dermo-lo-logist!" "I think today that they're going to do, like, some blue, red light thing that will help get rid of the acne, and also kill the bacteria that makes me have acne." "# And you said" "# There's nothing you wouldn't do... #" "I'm just having a facial peel." "I've just had the lady rub, like, quite vigorously and hard, which was quite painful." "But I'm just thinking of the outcomes, and hopefully how good in the end it will be and feel." "So, it's the day after my treatment." "My forehead is looking so much better, and around my eyes and just down my nose." "So I am so happy, and that's after one treatment." "It's been quite an emotional day today, actually, because, obviously it's a big thing, having my acne being dealt with." "Being happy about it, being scared, I guess." "I think scared might be a word I would use, because it's not a comfort, but it's just something that's been there that I'm living with, and..." "Yeah, scary." "Oh, my gosh!" "It's been just such a long day." "But here I am, walking to my house." "Walking." "Walking." "Ugh!" "Yeah, it's actually really good news." "I'm actually really happy." "I can actually achieve my goal." "So, at the moment, I'm a 32A, and he said I could even possibly be a D, which is, like, erm, I don't know, like, my dream, sort of thing." "Just boobs, basically." "And big, at that, as well." "Erm, I actually really hope this is recording." "Oh, good!" "It is!" "I've got a couple of pictures of how I'd like to look." "There's more pictures, but I think they're a little bit naked." "But it's definitely more the fake look that I'm going for, rather than the natural look." "Like, to go natural, it have to be quite small, as well, and probably get the anatomical implants, which are teardrop shapes." "And they kind of..." "I don't like the look of those, personally." "The price of this whole ordeal... erm, the actual procedure itself is about £5,000." "I can do it on finance." "If they didn't have a finance option, you'd have to get a loan, basically." "Like, from your bank." "I was considering getting a loan and doing it that way, but actually, they have finance, and I think I'm going to go for, like, the five-year option, which is just £2 less than £100." "£98 a month or something for five years, to pay that back." "But, yeah, it's super fun." "It's been a crazy day today, honestly." "Crazy." "And I'm just really happy..." "Yeah." "# Why are you so paranoid..?" "#" "I think about the way I look constantly." "It affects me in every way." "# Baby, don't worry 'bout it... #" "I can't even do my hair or put on make-up without just thinking," ""Urgh, chubby cheeks!"" "# You worry about the wrong things The wrong things... #" "I think about my issues every minute of every day." "There's never really a time that they don't bother me." "I think about the way I look all the time." "I could be on the phone to someone, and I'll check myself in the mirror to make sure I look OK." "# Tell me right now" "# You really wanna spend your whole life alone..?" "#" "I'm always constantly comparing myself to other people." "I'm always looking at other people's noses!" "That sounds really weird, but I'm always looking at other people's noses." "People who know me probably describe me as smiley, ambitious, a bit of a perfectionist, and probably a bit vain." "It's important for me to be the best that I can be, and so, I'm having a nose job." "# We all" "# Need time to change... #" "My nose, from the front, isn't really that bad." "It's more the profile that I don't like." "It kind of hooks over a little bit and I'd much prefer it if it was a little bit straighter and a tiny bit slimmer." "I don't really feel like it works in balance with the rest of my features." "It's always been, I guess, the thing that I focused on." "It's something that I would look at more than the rest of my face." "Like, you zoom in to the area that you don't like." "So I booked my surgery today." "He wants to do an open rhinoplasty, which means they have to cut this part of my nose." "He's going to shave down the bump to give me the profile that I want to see." "I think they have to break the bone here and here, or something, which is what's going to give me possibly black eyes." "He's German, and usually the stereotype is that they're perfectionists, and into fine detail, so everyone said that's a good thing." "So I'm hoping that when it's straightened, it's going to be... it's going to be a lot better." "HE LAUGHS" "I'll probably find something else to focus on!" "So, this is my breakfast." "I'm nil by mouth, so all I'm allowed to have is clear water." "We've just left the house." "Everyone's feeling pretty tired." "We've got the driver, Mum, and my friend, Sarah, and my sister, Molly." "THEY GIGGLE" "They're all talking about food, which is not helpful." "Here is the room." "Very lovely room." "I think too many people think that it's a massive deal." "At the end of the day, yes, its surgery." "Yes, it's risking your life, to an extent, however minimal that is." "I'm not in any pain." "I'm just feeling a little bit uncomfortable, and my nose is constantly dripping blood." "But, apparently, that's normal." "My surgeon has just been in to pull out the packing, which wasn't the nicest experience." "But I'm just about to get ready to leave." "I'm feeling really good." "A bit bruised, but I'll see how I look tomorrow." "Hello!" "This is my first proper day of doing the diet." "This evening I'm going to get my first weigh-in, to find out what my beginning weight is, and then I can lose that weight over the next few months." "So that should be good." "I'm going to go and make a shake now." "We have here a blender." "I want to have this one hot, but you can have them cold, in normal water if you want to, or with ice, it's quite nice, because it tastes like a milkshake." "But I have pre-boiled the kettle." "I'll just get that." "Then you pour the water in, blend it like this." "When I turn it on, right?" "!" "SHE LAUGHS" "You blend it like this." "BLENDER WHIRRS You blend." "And then you just pour it into your nice big mug." "Mmm!" "Bit hot, but fresh for drinking." "OK, I'm about to drive down to my first weigh-in." "SHE GIGGLES" "On the scale?" "Are you ready to go?" "Yep." "96.8, which is 15 stone 2." "Excellent." "42." "And your hips... are...47." "So now the weight can only drop off, I hope." "So I'll let you know what happens over the next coming week." "Been running along now quite happily for about... um... half an hour." "And it's all going really good, actually." "I've definitely got a lot more energy." "So I think this is going to definitely help me to train my fitness." "# I am not my own" "# For I have been made new... #" "Mmm!" "Delicious!" "# Please don't let me go" "# I desperately need you... #" "Hello." "This week's gone really well." "I can feel that I've really started to lose weight and, so much so, that I've never been able to fit into Urban Outfitters' clothing, and I went there, and I bought a dress." "Woo!" "And it fits!" "So I was really happy about that." "There we go." "Right, Chloe, are you ready to get on the scales?" "Yes." "Right, let's set them up and then we'll pop you on." "Too keen!" "On you go." "So 15.2 last week." "Oh, well done, you!" "You're now 14.13." "How much is that lost since last week?" "That is five pounds." "OK, that's not bad." "That's brilliant." "You're weighing yourself at a different time of day at home, probably." "In the morning, yeah." "So..." "To be honest, I was originally a little bit disappointed with only losing five pounds, because I was kind of hoping that I'd lose about seven." "I don't know, I thought it was a little bit low, especially as I've tried so hard this week." "Probably I just have to, like, keep on going with it and hopefully, the weight that I felt I should have lost this week will come off next week with the rest." "So, we'll see." "We'll see." "# Ask me a question" "# Ask me to make an exception... #" "It's been really difficult this week, actually." "I've got very busy at college, to be honest." "I've gone out a few times with friends into town, and I've drunk alcohol, which I'm not meant to do on this diet." "Also, it's quite tough, because me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday." "But it's just quite difficult, I guess, really." "Yeah." "# I've been waiting for you" "# It's been so long... #" "For as long as I can remember, I have been overweight." "I want to change my weight." "I never used to look like this." "I used to be nine stone." "I just think everything is huge and just disgusting." "At the moment, I have these, and I have to walk with these, because I have strained ligaments in my ankle and, you know, I blamed it on my running shoes, but I think, deep down, we all know that it is because of my weight," "and my joints can't cope with it." "# Ooh, your love's so cruel" "# You make me want to go, go, go" "# Go, go, ooh, ooh" "# All the things you do" "# You make me want to go, go, go... #" "Good girl!" "I've lived with my mum since I was about four, when my parents split up." "My mum gained a lot of weight due to the depression of the divorce." "# Fire of fire" "# I'm insecure... #" "Her habits of eating a lot, comfort eating, turning to food when she was feeling certain emotions, she passed those on to me." "So I've had those from quite an early age, really." "So during the day, I work as a dog walker." "I'm 25, I'm not living the life that I want to." "I'm afraid to go out, I'm afraid to socialise and meet people, to follow my dreams." "I need to do something now, otherwise" "I'm going to waste the next 25-30 years of my life being depressed and fat and unhappy." "So, with that in mind, in about January," "I started looking into bariatric surgery, and then I found a procedure called the gastric sleeve, which I read into a lot and decided it was absolutely perfect for me." "Roxy!" "She's practically my baby." "So she comes everywhere with me, really." "She's my best friend." "What the gastric sleeve does is it chops off three quarters of your stomach and leaves you with a very small stomach in its place." "I had a look in the UK at how much this would cost, and the procedure that I'm having done would cost about £11,000, which was something that I couldn't even contemplate affording." "I'm self-employed, I earn very little." "I can't even afford to pay rent or my own car insurance yet." "The place that I'm now going, the surgery only costs £6,500." "I've saved it in about a year." "I borrowed a little bit from my father, and I borrowed a tiny bit from my mum." "The company I'm going with are based in the Czech Republic." "So I fly out on Sunday morning, the 22nd of July, have the op on the Tuesday, and I fly back on the Friday." "OK, so this is me in underwear, pre-op." "Before I've even started the pre-op diet." "As you can see, I'm quite large." "I don't like my arms, under here." "They're very chunky." "Like that." "I'm hoping that when I lose weight, the skin around there doesn't go all saggy." "My boobs are quite small in proportion to my weight." "My stomach is an area that I really dislike." "My thighs, as you can see, are quite large." "They're like tree-trunks." "Not an area I'm fond of." "And if I turn to the side... oh, Lord!" "Then I'm quite wide, as you can see there." "And my bum sticks out a very long way." "I really don't like the size of my bum." "If I turn round, then you can see here" "I have rolls of back fat that I don't like." "It's all very ugly, very unattractive." "I won't get naked in front of boyfriends or even remove underwear." "This is about as naked as I will get in front of anyone." "And then I stay covered up." "So it's not really something that I'm very comfortable with." "Hopefully, once I've lost some weight and it's a lot smaller," "I should start to feel more comfortable in my own body and, you know, be able to show people this more!" "The thing that I would like to change about myself is my hair." "I'm having a hair transplant." "Very unhappy." "You're probably looking at it now thinking, "Yeah, you're right." ""It's not a great hairline."" "I've got stuff in it that makes it look a hell of a lot better than it actually is." "This is the hair in a can, as my mates call it." "Right, so this is my hair with nothing in and how it looks." "As you can see, sort of... quite a bald patch there." "I'll do that for you, so that you can get a good look there... much as I dislike that!" "I'm just going to show you now a picture of when I was about 22 years-old." "My hair there..." "That's a picture of me and my girlfriend." "It's a relatively full head of hair." "I don't expect to get back to that, if I could, it would be absolutely amazing." "There's lots wrong with me." "I imagine most people saw a picture and thought, liposuction, tummy tuck..." "HE LAUGHS" "..but those other issues don't even worry me." "It's not something I take into consideration at all, really, whereas this particular one, for whatever reason, has got to me... quite badly, really, and is something I want to change." "OK, so I'm in London and I'm just about to get on the underground at Finsbury Park to go to the Harley Street Hair Clinic for my first consultation." "I'm really excited." "Bit tired, because I've been up since 2am to get the overnight bus here for an audition at nine o'clock." "So, yeah, bit tired, and my hair, yet again, got really sweaty in the audition." "So, I'm not happy about that!" "So, yeah, looking forward to it, really." "A bit excited, a bit nervous." "So..." "I'm just having my morning stretch in my garden." "I've just come back from London... with my consultation... about colour or... what kind of shape it's going to be, like I didn't want it too, like, urban looking." "I wanted it, you know, to suit my personality and stuff." "Oh, a bit stiff today!" "I hope it's going to look good." "I think it will do." "I think it's going to look more masculine, obviously." "I'm feeling a bit nervous about it, as well, cos... ..it's going to be a big change for me." "I just want to hurry up and get it done, really." "HE SIGHS" "Like, it is a big thing and, y'know..." "Ooh!" "Lost you there for a sec!" "I think most people just go, "Yeah, you look really good," ""looks really nice" or "You look different."" "Your hair's, like, grown two inches down your forehead!" "HE LAUGHS" "It's kind of taken over my life a little bit." "Cos it's all I'm thinking about." "So, it's quite an anxious time for me at the moment, so I'm just trying to keep busy with everything." "So, this is where the magic happens." "My room." "And we're going to have a look at some of the photos of before my accident." "When I had lovely hair and lovely skin." "This is when I was around about eight or nine, I think it was." "I think this is when I was in Year Eight." "That's when I really started to try things out with my hair." "This is where I very first started dying my hair." "I mean, here, I've got bright, bright purple hair." "I went back to blonde when I turned 17 and I started growing it again when my baby sister was born." "At this point here, I started to really take pride in my hair." "My hair, you know, that was who I was." "Hey, so January, was where my life changed, possibly the most that it's never changed." "On the sixth, which was a Friday night," "I lit a candle in my room and my lovely long hair dropped into the flame of this candle." "So, my hair caught alight, quite literally, and my entire face went up in flames." "This photo's not for the faint-hearted, I'm afraid." "This is the night of my accident." "There's another one where I'm looking pretty grim." "I became blind, because my face swelled up so much." "I lost a chunk of my ear and I was left with gaping open wounds." "I was lucky enough that, two days after my injury, my eyes came open again." "# It's been a long, long time since I've memorised your face" "# It's been four hours now since I've wandered through your place... #" "I'd love to say that, since my accident, nothing has changed." "But you can't go through something of that magnitude and still be the same afterwards." "Once something so simple and destructive happens to you, and something that is so incredibly traumatic, and has such incredible consequences, I might have just lost my hair and some little bits of my face, but I've lost my confidence." "# I was gripped with a bit of fear and worry" "# The one thing that I loved back when I was just a kid" "# Might now never be enough that the body I was in" "# Might belong to someone else" "# Someone kinder, someone sure Someone innocent, young and beautiful" "# Someone purer" "# That's no-one I know... #" "OK, so I'm here in Manchester at the surgeon's, literally, about to go and get my splint removed." "I am very excited to see my new nose." "Yay!" "# I was scratching at my skin hoping changes would begin" "# But what lay beneath was blood, but of course" "# What the hell was I thinking of?" "#" "I'm trying to look in the mirror." "God, it's so weird." "I feel like my face is very... open." "I can't really explain it." "It's, literally, the wickedest feeling in the world." "It's like looking at your face and it not being, like, your face!" "Oh, my God." "It's so weird." "My profile is incredible." "He was really pleased." "He was, like, "It's almost perfect."" "My nose is so cute!" "My eyes are watering again." "I feel like such a loser." "Stop crying." "I'm just really happy." "And this is actually the best thing I've ever done." "Words can't actually explain how amazing this feeling is." "Just to know that this thing which I hated so much about myself is completely gone." "It's, like such a relief." "I am buzzing." "I'm any word which means happy or expression." "I'm full of glee!" "I can't believe it." "Right, shut up, Alex." "I will speak to you in a bit." "Bye." "Quite nervous now." "There we go." "We're off." "'What I'm going to have is a hair transplant.'" "What's going on happen is they'll strip hair at the back which is called donor hair which will last for probably my lifetime so it's good hair." "A strip is taken from the back." "It's skin that's taken and they pull the good follicles out of there and plant them on the top of my head." "Good morning." "Morning." "How are you?" "Very well, thank you." "Yourself?" "Good." "Not too bad." "Are you ready for today?" "Just about." "THEY LAUGH" "So the surgery will be very relaxed, low-key." "You'll be able to have a drink or a bit of a snack later." "Blood pressure is good." "Thank you very much." "What I'm going to ask you to do is sign the consent form." "It's about all the possible complications - like your head will be a bit sore for the next few days." "The fact that it may feel numb for a while." "The sensation comes back very gradually." "It talks about that you will have a scar hidden in your hair, but it will be very fine, hardly noticeable." "And that infection is very, very rare." "Thank you so much." "I'll co-sign that." "There are elements of risk involved." "You can damage the top of your head and it'll look more stupid." "It might not work." "The whole process could be a waste of time." "There is an element of pain that you go through." "I've done a hell of a lot of research about celebrities that have had them done and if they're done well, and by the right people, they do work and they do look all right." "I've got to be careful about this." "This is what it looks like." "It looks very stupid at the minute." "I can't shave the rest of my head until I've had the staples out, which will be about ten days." "Something like that." "Until I can grow it back, I'll be stopping indoors for that time." "With the way it looks and what I've got, I'm chuffed to bits really." "I hope I keep everything that's there, cos that would be amazing." "I'm feeling good." "I'm feeling happy." "Nice and positive, really." "So far, so good." "I've now left the house for the first time since my surgery." "I'm walking round Maidstone with my mum, doing a bit of shopping." "I'm getting some really funny looks." "It doesn't bother me." "It's really strange how people look at me, like I've been beaten up or something." "I keep wanting to say to everyone, "I've just had a nose job."" "I think people just assume that I've been in a fight or an accident." "I'm getting some really weird looks." "THEY LAUGH" "How do you feel about this whole experience?" "Traumatised." "Elaborate." "It's probably one of the hardest things, seeing your child, your son, who you gave birth to, who you think is perfect in every way, anyway, to be so unhappy with an element of his appearance" "that he feels that he needs to..." "That the only option for him is surgery." "And it was just the worry of what might happen, the recovery, and the fact that... in my mind, it wasn't necessary." "That was really, really hard." "It's hard to watch." "It's hard to watch her reaction, her thoughts, because when I filmed this, I caught her off guard." "You can tell that they're genuine thoughts that have affected her." "Our generation is quite different to her generation." "Cosmetic surgery wasn't a big thing and wasn't that popular when she was younger." "And it's completely different - a different way of thinking... to think that you would have a risky surgery to improve your appearance, for the sake of vanity." "It was a lot for me to put everyone through, but..." "I felt in my head that it's something I needed to do." "I had to be a bit selfish about it." "Erm..." "I think it's going to be worth it." "Hopefully, they will!" "You see in magazines and the internet, if you don't look a certain way, if you don't do a certain thing, there must be something wrong with you." "I think once or twice I've looked in a magazine and seen someone that looks similar to me facially, and then had this, like, killer body." "And I thought, 'Oh, come on, why can't I look like that?" "'" "Celebrities and magazines making you think that you have to look perfect to do well and have a nice life." "Just because there's so much available right now to fix yourself, there really is no excuse not to." "Watching certain programmes on the television made me realise that, if I want it, I can have it done." "These people aren't millionaires." "You don't have to be a millionaire to afford plastic surgery." "Hello!" "Yeah, so it's been a week since surgery today." "I've got my friend Emma round." "It's the first time she's come to see me since last week." "Her boobies feel weird." "Yes, Emma's seen them and everything, and had a feel." "Um..." "They're not boobs, they're mountains." "It's like she had the Himalayas strapped to her chest or something." "No!" "Anyway!" "Let's show them my scars." "Well, not scars. but this." "Half boobies." "She's still like Frankenstein." "Where's my finger?" "Like Frankensteiny there." "She's still got her marks on her." "Yeah, I tried to wash everything else." "You're like Franken-Hooker." "Now you have big boobs you're like..." "Ow, that hurts!" "..hookery and you've still got stitch marks, so you're like Frankenstein." "Yeah, I'm Frankenstein." "It's time to say bye to all my old bras and it's just really exciting." "Hold on." "Oh no, I'm turning this all different ways up." "Bye, bye!" "SHE LAUGHS" "I've not done that before." "That is so ridiculous." "Look at the difference... the bras that I have to wear now compared to what I used to wear." "Look at it, it's such a joke." "It looks like this one's for a five-year-old." "It's hilarious." "It really is, honestly." "I'm still a 32 band." "So there's still the same length." "But look at the cup difference." "Look at it." "It just..." "Oh, my gosh!" "It is slightly embarrassing, even." "And this is a 32D." "32 bloody D." "There you go." "Proof of the pudding." "It's not about the numbers, though, you've got to remember." "It's like it's not about, "Oh, look at me, I'm a 32D", or whatever." "It's just about the actual confidence, how you look naked, how you feel in your skin." "I've had this top - oh, my gosh." "My friend Emma gave me this top when I was like, I don't know, 15 or something?" "I had nothing to show for it." "And I never have, until now." "Ha, ha!" "OK, it doesn't look that great, but..." "There." "Hello!" "SHE LAUGHS" "I love it, I just love it." "I love how it looks." "It's great, isn't it?" "And this is the excellent bra that I'm wearing." "Yeah, look at them." "They're so fun." "Yeah!" "Good." "It's like a handful, isn't it?" "Or a bit more." "Kind of." "Maybe two handfuls." "Da-da!" "Look at those bad boys!" "SHE LAUGHS" "Oh, man!" "They're still a little bit sore, every now and again." "But they do the trick." "And that's pretty much all from me." "I'm very happy with my outcome." "What the gastric sleeve does is it chops off three quarters of your stomach and leaves you with a very small stomach in its place." "The company I'm going with are based in the Czech Republic." "Oh!" "We just went for a gastroscopy, was it called?" "Yeah." "Gastroscopy." "And they basically just said, "Lie there", um... "she's just going to put something into your arm." ""And then they'll do it."" "The next thing I knew, I was in a waiting area, not having a clue where I was!" "OK, so it's the night before the operation." "My very last night before I get sleeved, as tomorrow, my stomach will be three quarters of the size it is today." "And I'll be on a liquid diet for a few weeks." "So it's going to be an interesting day tomorrow." "I can't wait." "I know how worried my mum is about the surgery." "I know how worried my friends are, scared about the possibility I might not wake up." "That's not something that obviously I want to happen." "Now I'm a little bit panicked, just in case anything goes wrong." "If anything happens." "No, I don't want to..." "I'm not ready to leave yet, so to speak." "My biggest fear about my transformation is what happens if I am slim, if I am attractive and nobody still likes me?" "I still feel unworthy, unlovable, that, you know, that men won't be interested in me." "What happens if changing my body doesn't change the way I feel about myself?" "That's a huge fear." "OK, I'm in ICU." "And let me tell you, that was the worst experience of my life." "Dear God." "When I woke up I thought I was dying." "I was in absolute agony." "I've been throwing up blood." "My four scars on my stomach are absolutely killing." "I've still got the drains in." "I'll show you." "I've still got drains in my stomach, pumping out the blood and I've still got an IV in my arm." "I will have these in all night and possibly the drain for a couple of days." "So it's not fun." "Oh!" "OK, so I am finally home." "I mean, they told me I would feel like I had been hit by a truck and they were right, I did." "And on Tuesday I was thinking," "'Holy crap, why have I done this to myself?" "'You stupid bitch, you could have done it the easy way." "'You could have done it without the surgery.'" "And because I was just in so, so much pain, I was cursing myself." "I'll show you my scars, now that I'm a few days out." "These are my battle wounds." "As you can see, they're not too bad." "The little ones." "This is the worst one." "And that is where my stomach was removed." "So as you can imagine, that's where most of my pain is coming from." "So I've just got to rest as much as I can and keep drinking the liquids while it heals over the next few days." "But, you know, best decision of my life." "Don't regret it a single bit." "I'm so glad I did it." "I just need to get over the pain first!" "Bear with me." "So, I really can't believe that this day has come round so quick." "Like, it's actually just sunk in that, you know, it's happening." "LAUGHS" "Big day, big day." "MUSIC: "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters" "# I'm about to lose control and I think I like it" "# Oh, yeah I'm so excited" "# And I just can't hide it" "# I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I want you" "# I want you!" "#" "I think this is summing up how I'm feeling, in the medium of song and dance." "Oh, sh..." "Have I gone the right way?" "!" "RAZOR BUZZES" "Bye-bye, hair." "Gosh, eh?" "Seems that was starting to go." "Oh, it feels amazing!" "Yeah." "That's cool." "Great." "It's obviously not going to be drawn on like this, this is just..." "Dot-dot-dot." "Dots." "To actually give it some shape." "(Shit...)" "It's quite painless, to be honest." "All right." "So that's us all done now, Jamie." "OK, great." "I haven't seen it yet, so I'm just going to look in the mirror." "Oh, my gosh." "That's wicked!" "I love it." "So different, hey?" "Wow!" "How you feeling?" "Yeah, great." "It's amazing." "So different." "Gosh." "I look so different with it." "It does look a bit red, but that'll go down in the next couple of days." "So, I'm just in Blackpool, picking up my friend Natalie." "She's just finished rehearsals." "And it's the first time that she's seen my new head, a couple of days after my treatment." "I'm just so happy with it, just over the moon." "All the redness has gone down and everything." "I wonder what she'll say?" "Hi!" "Hurry up, you nutter, I'm going to get done." "How are you doing?" "Do you love it?" "I love it." "My hair's a mess." "So here we are, under the Tower." "How do you like it?" "It's amazing." "It looks like real hair." "It's amazing, isn't it?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I've just had it done." "It looks like real hair." "Touch it." "Ooh!" "Oh, my God!" "It's amazing, isn't it?" "It feels like real hair." "Yeah, I'm so happy with it." "I can't get over how happy I am with it." "Love it." "Yeah, it's cool, hey?" "Love, love, love." "Yeah, so..." "Here is the dreaded mirror." "And I see..." "..er..." "I don't want to say ugly, but... it's really close to that." "I see distorted and disfigured and really just... not very nice." "# Hold your breath, don't cry" "# They're coming" "# Tainted secrets" "# Don't die... #" "OK." "So this is some of my daily routine." "It's around about three o'clock." "So it's about the time that I would take this off..." "..and I get to take these off..." "And you get to see what I really look like." "As you can see, there is a lot of scarring around here." "And there's a lot missing from my ear." "And this is what I'm trying to get rid of." "This hair used to be right down here." "So I miss it a lot." "This is what I have to do every day." "Washing away anything horrible that shouldn't be on there." "These are silicone-based patches, which makes sure that the scars soften." "So there we go, that's all re-assembled." "I put this on, starting with my chin, let me get that lined up... ..and then get it Velcro'ed at the back." "Just pull my ears out, and make sure this is in the right places." "So, now I'm really playing a waiting game, which is the worst part, I think, because it's not knowing whether I'm healing in the way I should be, and that's quite scary." "I would absolutely love to meet someone who can see beyond my scars and love me for who I am." "And yeah, I'd love a big white and pink wedding, and I'd love children." "But if that doesn't happen, it doesn't happen." "It's not for me to decide." "You know, I'm never going to look the way I want to, because I've got things in my way." "But I can't see how people who are naturally beautiful want to risk losing that, just to make themselves look a little bit more fake." "I'm just arriving at Wimpole Street to get my cast taken off." "I'm lucky enough that they're just round the corner from where" "I work, so I've just popped around there to get it off." "This is the last time you'll see me looking like this." "Thank you so much." "OK." "Don't look so grossed out!" "How do you feel?" "Good." "I want to have a look." "It's so strange." "Thank you." "I love it." "God, it's surreal, seeing..." "It looks amazing, Tom." "Incredible." "..seeing it for the first time." "Having had like, two weeks of looking at a cast." "How do you feel looking at it?" "It doesn't feel like me!" "Really?" "I'd never seen you before your rhinoplasty, but it looks like the nose that you should have been born with, in my opinion." "Do you know what, it's exactly..." "If I had an image in my mind of what I would want, this is exactly it." "He's good, that surgeon." "It looks sensational." "TANNOY: 'The next station is Clapham Junction.'" "I just thought I'd get back in this mirror and show you my new hair." "It's given me a lot more confidence," "I've actually got a job dancing in America now." "So I don't think I'd have been able to have done it so easily without the confidence that I'd got my hair done." "I'm glad that I am happy with it, because I can't really go back, I can't really change it." "I've got it for, like, I've got it for life!" "So I'm currently on a run at the moment." "Yeah, Botox is working really well." "Not even slightly sweating under there, but soaked all the way down the front and back, so, yeah, really pleased." "Looking back, I don't think losing weight was actually as important as I thought it would be." "But then I think it was mostly other people telling me that it was the most important thing." "I have gained a lot more control and independence about what" "I want to do, and realised, fair enough, I might need to do it, but I decide when I want to do it, and I will do it the way I want to, and that's what I am doing." "And it's working brilliantly." "Don't like it." "Looking in the mirror constantly." "Constantly doing that, see if any more hair falls out." "So I think it's going to be difficult for a few months, dealing with that." "Reasonably pleased the scar's healing well," "I'll turn round so you can see..." "Hopefully not as much." "Just purely waiting now to see how things turn out." "I'm in the hands of the gods with regards to that." "Erm, so that as you can see was before the surgery..." "How it was without my hair in a can." "That was about two months ago, so it wasn't sort of great, really." "And that is, sort of, current." "Just a matter of it thickening up, I suppose, that's obviously what I'd want to happen, and what would make me, sort of, I suppose over the moon and delighted with it." "My skin is absolutely like, perfect." "I do that, and it's smooth." "I know one day my scars will go." "And they are so minimal at the moment." "So I'm so chuffed where I've got to, and... ..just where I am at this moment in time, with my confidence and my personality." "My scar is almost completely gone." "You can probably see underneath, there's like a tiny little line." "Since I've had the nose job, I've also gone on to have my upper set of teeth and lower set of teeth changed slightly." "The top is now a completely straight line, whereas before, the lateral incisors and canines were much more pointed." "I wouldn't mind having my boobs done." "Not because I want massive boobs..." "Because they're not that small." "But it's more like, the shape." "I want them to be, like, rounder." "This is actually the top I wore originally, before." "You can definitely compare it, you can see the difference, I think." "And it's great." "Only thing is, I think I'd probably..." "I'd want to go bigger, if anything, eventually." "I'm now 13 weeks out, so just over three months." "And I'm down 61 pounds, as of the weigh-in this morning." "I've got a defined waist." "I feel a lot more confident, like this, than how I looked a few months ago." "The whole journey is down to me now." "Yes, I have a small stomach, but if I don't make the right choices every single day, every single meal, in fact, then the weight won't come off." "There have been lots of changes regarding my home life." "I have a serious boyfriend, I have actually moved into his house." "I'm still not at the stage where I am happy with my body, nowhere near." "I look in the mirror and I still see a fat girl." "I want to get to a stage where I am healthy and slim." "I will see you around." "Bye!" "Bye!"