""And the handsome prince said all these words." "The end."" "DANNY:" "Michelle!" "Daddy's coming." "No barking." "[COMET BARKS]" "Shh." "Michelle?" "Honey, did you tuck yourself in already?" "MICHELLE:" "Daddy, I'm sleeping." "Well, first I want my good-night kiss." "Michelle, what wet lips you have." "Honey." "How did Comet get in your bed?" "You got me." "You know the rules." "No dogs in bed." "You're in big trouble, mister." "I'm not gonna sneeze." "I'm not gonna sneeze." "Thank you, nose." "[SNEEZES]" "Happy New Year." "It's not a holiday, Michelle." "I have a horrible cold." "I'll make you all better." "You're gonna love this." "What the heck are you doing?" "Making you chicken soup." "You ready to pitch that big account today, Jess?" " Looking good, Joseph." " Looking sharp, Jess." " I am pumped." "Whoo, whoo, whoo!" " I'm psyched." "Whoo, whoo, whoo!" "Hold it." "I'm not going in there with a dented head." "Good thinking." "Steph, give my love to the third grade." " We're out of here." " We're gone." "[SNEEZING]" " We're back." " Yeah." "Don't worry, it's just my nose, my throat, my ears, my chest." "Eight years old and I'm falling apart." "That's it, no school for you today, young lady." "Get your p.j.'s on and up to bed." "But we're supposed to see a filmstrip on how they make cheese." "You know, that bed is sounding better and better." "Finish your soup, young lady." " Howdy, boys." " Oh, good." "Kimmy's gone country." "[YELLING] D.J.!" "D.J.:" "Coming!" "Hi, Kimmy." "Oh, guys, I'm glad you're here." "I'm in charge of Career Day." "Will you come to my school next week and talk about advertising?" " Yeah, sure, Deej." " We're there for you, babe." "I'm there for you, too, babe." "Well, thanks, Dad, but you're probably busy." "Oh, I'm never too busy to inspire the youth of America." "I guess this is where it pays off really big having a dad who's the star of Wake Up, San Francisco, huh?" "Tell him." "I can't." "Look how happy he is." "Yeah, he is happy." "I'll tell him." "We don't need you, Mr. T. We already booked a big TV star." "Bigger than me?" "Jimmy Chung said he could get his Aunt Connie." "Connie Chung?" "You booked Connie Chung for Career Day?" "I've been trying to get her on my show for years." "Tell you what, have your people call my people." " D.J." " I know, Dad." "Make new friends." "We'd like to thank you for switching the meeting to our house." "Yes, I'm sure you'll find it was worth the inconvenience." "I'm sure I will." "I'm gonna go get ready in the getting-ready area." "Excuse me." "Wait until you see what my boys have cooked up." "Take it away, Gladstone." "Thank you, Mr. Malatesta." "Ms. Garland, my partner and I are gonna make your new men's cologne IQ, the smell of the '90s." "Joey." "Joey, the sneeze juice is backing up into my ears." "Excuse us." "It's time for her nose drops." "[CHUCKLING]" "Okay." "Tilt back, Steph." "JOEY:" "She's very limber." "Okay, fire one." "Fire two." "It's working." "Hey, I can breathe again." "Something's really stinky." "[JOEY CHUCKLING]" "Well, we know it's not the "Smell of the '90s."" "There you are." "I made you some orange juice." "It, uh, sure does look fresh." "You, back to bed." "Right now." "Move it." " But Michelle" " I said move it, mister." "Kids." "JOEY:" "Okay." "We fade in on an elegant library." "We pan over to a portrait of a goddess draped in but a wisp of chiffon." "As the classical music swells, a great intellect enters." "The suave, classy, debonair IQ Man." "[IN FUNNY VOICE] I want to know if I can live with what I know." "And only that." "As the IQ Man ponders that thought..." "Hm." "...a dream-like mist fills the room." "Suddenly, the goddess in the painting comes to life." "She's drawn to the IQ Man by a mysterious power." "[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] There's something about him I can't resist." "Is it his eyes?" "Is it his smile?" " Is it his--?" " Stop." "If you must love me love me for my IQ." "IQ." "[DEEP VOICE] Now available in biodegradable roll-on." "That made absolutely no sense at all." "It's the perfect cologne ad." "You've got the job." "Thank you very much." "Thank you." "Thanks very much." "Jesse and I will direct the commercial." "Right, and we'll find the perfect IQ Man for you." "Oh, you've already found him." "You." "[VOICE BREAKS] Me--?" "Ahem." "Me?" "No, I'm not a model." "You're hot." "No." "You're sexy." "No." " You've got great hair." " Okay, you got one." "But I" " No, I would feel silly." "He would love to do this." "Wonderful." "Excuse us a second, won't you?" "Joseph?" "I'm not doing this." "I'm not gonna prance around like some smiling slab of beef." "Jess, this is the biggest break of our careers." "Now, don't blow it just because you have this weird hang-up about beef." "Katsopolis, let me explain your options to you." "Either you do it, you do it, or you do it." "What was the second one again?" " Hi, Dad." "Hola, Becky." "DANNY:" "Hi, girls." "Well, have a great Career Day." "Send my regards to Connie Chung." "Boy, Mr. T, you sure do look snappy in earth tones." "What do you want, Gibbler?" "Dad, remember Jimmy Chung, the pathological liar?" "Oh." "I'm just taking a shot here but you couldn't get his Aunt Connie, huh?" "He doesn't have an Aunt Connie." "His name's not even Chung." "Well, what do you know?" "Looks like you two are in the market for a major TV star." "Oh, Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy." "Why don't you have your people call my people, huh?" " I'll do it." " Thanks, Becky." " Be there right after lunch." " Okay." "Whoa, girls." "Can't a guy make a joke?" "You know I don't have any people." "You're my people." "It's okay, Dad." "You can do it." "I should've asked you in the first place, I just got caught up in Chungmania." "Didn't we all?" "What is this?" "This isn't what we ordered." "We ordered a library set, not a bathroom set." "Okay, strike it." "Strike the set." "Who's responsible for this?" "Uh, this was Ms. Garland's idea." "Okay, people." "Back to work." "Come on, let's move it." "Let's go." "I just couldn't see the IQ Man in a library." "In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I saw you in the, uh, shower." "Why would I wear a smoking jacket in a shower?" "Exactly." "That's why you'll be wearing this." "And action!" "[IN FUNNY VOICE] I want to know if I can live with what I know." "And only that." "Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut." "Jess, the concept is the IQ man, not the IQ head." "Too bad, the head's all you're getting." "Maybe a little ice-cold water will help him over his shyness." "[WATER RUNNING]" "Whoa, whoa!" "Okay, I'm out." "I'm out." "I'm out." "I'm out." "No, no." "No need to dry off." "In fact, I would like to see your body wetter." "The wetter, the better." "Excuse us, won't you?" "Joseph, hop on." "You see, this is exactly what I'm talking about." "I'm nothing but a Big Mac in a bath towel." "Joey, I am not a hamburger." "I happen to be a human being." "Jess, buddy." "As long as I'm the director, you'll be treated with dignity and respect." "Thank you." "Okay, hose him down." "Hold it." "Watch the hair, watch the hair." "Excuse me." "MAN:" "Take two." "Okay, this time give me more steam." "JOEY:" "And action!" "I want" "[COUGHS]" "[IN FUNNY VOICE] I want to know if I can live, ahem, with what I know." "And only that." "There's something about him I can't resist." "Is it his eyes?" "Is it his smile?" " Is it his--?" " Stop." "If you must love me, love me for my I...." "My I...." "I'm in a bath towel." "I'm in a bath towel here." "Come on, Jess." "What is the problem?" "It's not working, okay?" " He's right, it's not working." " Thank you." "That towel is much too big." " Wait" " Hold" " Cut." "Not you." "GARLAND:" "Jess." "I won't cut you...." "Whoa." "Mr. Malatesta, can you help me out here, please?" " She's the client." " She's chasing me with scissors." "So?" "Stop running." "I will not stand here and be exploited by you." "Katsopolis, as long as you're working for me you will do exactly what she says." "Okay." "From now on we don't work for you." "We quit." "You're making a big mistake." "The mistake I made was working for a jellyfish like you." "What?" "Sir, you know, in many parts of the world a spineless jellyfish is considered a delicacy." "Let's go." "You're a good man, Gladstone." "You know just when to kiss up." " I am a kiss-up, aren't I?" " One of the best." " Sold you out, didn't I?" " Joey, you hosed me down." "Joseph, we're partners and friends." "This man is not a hamburger." "And I am not a side of fries." "And you, sir, are a Chicken McNugget." "Joey, are you gonna quit or order a Happy Meal?" " We're quitting." " That's my partner." "Come on." "We've got better places to be." "We just lost our jobs." "Where are we going?" "Career Day." "Thank you, Mr. Krause, for introducing us to the wonderful world of meat." "And now, as we move in to the field of TV entertainment I'd like to apologize once again for the unfortunate Connie Chung incident." "ALL:" "Oh, man." "But just as exciting, we have the co-hosts of Wake Up, San Francisco." "Let's give it up for Danny Tanner and Rebecca Donaldson!" "Whoo, whoo, whoo!" "Who are right here." "Wake up, Van Atta Junior High." " I'm Danny Tanner." " And I'm Rebecca Donaldson." "And this is basically what we do." "We talk to each other." "And to our guests." "And we listen, and we" " Finish each other's sentences." " Ha, ha, ha." "Okay." "Now, looking as I am right now at your beautiful, shiny, round little faces I am reminded of my first job in television." "I was assistant stock boy in Antenna Town." "And you know, it reminds me of a long story" "Danny, look, our first question." "How tall is Connie Chung?" "Connie Chung is not here." "I am, and I'm 6'4." "Thanks a lot." "But if she were here, how tall would she be?" "Who does Connie's hair?" "[CHATTERING]" "That's it." "Let's face it Connie Chung couldn't make it, so just get over it." "Oh, look who's here." "From the exciting world of advertising, Jesse Katsopolis and Joey Gladstone." "Come on down." " Thanks, guys." " "Thanks, guys"?" "That's it for me and Rebecca?" "The butcher had 10 minutes." "Sorry, Dad, but class is almost over." "And the butcher gave out midget salamis." "Hey, I'm not above bribes." "In fact, maybe these kids would like some autographed pictures of me." " I have a special marker and everything" " Danny, it's over." "Take it away, boys." " Thank you." "Thank you." " Thank you." "Thanks." "[CHUCKLING]" "Hi." "When you really stop and think about it, this whole career thing is overrated." "I mean, there are more important things in life, right, Joey?" " Sure, like a well-balanced breakfast." " Right." "And really cool sunglasses." "Yeah, and strong water pressure in the shower." " That's a good one." " Yeah, it would be." "Did you guys lose your jobs or something?" "Zip it, Gibbler." "We have something much more important than jobs." " Yeah." " We have our integrity." "How much does that pay an hour?" "[BELL RINGING]" "So remember, kids, always keep your heads held high and always carry exact bus change and remember, no running in the hallways." "I think you really moved them." "I feel so bad for you guys." "What happened?" "Our boss just pushed us too far." "We quit." "Look, I'm the last one to give advice." "Okay, I'm the first one." "Maybe you should go into business for yourselves." "You could write your commercials." "And direct them for your own production company." "Yeah, we just learned about this." "Why don't you guys get a small-business loan?" "That's a great idea." "I mean, you've got the experience, the talent, the contacts." "All you need is to rent some equipment." "And find some studio space." "And print up some business cards." "That's it, you're in business." "Congratulations." "We have our own business." "What the hell just happened?" "Tissue, tissue, tissue." "[SNEEZES]" "Thank you." "How rude." "You gave me your cold." "Take it back." "No can do." "Once it's out of my nose, it's out of my hands." " Hi, girls." "STEPH:" "Hi, Joey." "MICHELLE:" "Hi, Joey." "How are you, Michelle?" "She makes me sick." "What she means is I gave her my cold." "Well, I'm sorry you got Stephie's cold, but you know the good news?" "Since you took such good care of Stephie I'm sure Stephie's gonna take really good care of you." " Right, Steph?" " Nice guilt trip, Joey." "Yeah, it was, wasn't it?" "Bye, girls." "In the words of Michelle Tanner:" ""You, upstairs." "Into bed." "Move it, mister." "Move it."" "Chill out, dude." "Joey, I've got bad news for Double J Creative Services." " The bank turned down our business loan." " How could they do that?" "Maybe because we have no experience running our own business no collateral, no credit rating." "Why do you think they turned us down?" "Hey, just cause you're cranky and unemployed, don't take it out on me." "Guys, I heard about what happened at the bank and I think I have a way to make you feel better." "Don't tell me you're gonna sing "The Impossible Dream" again." "No, I am just gonna hum it while you take a look at this." "[HUMMING "THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM"]" "This is a personal check from Danny Tanner." "[HUMMING LOUDER]" "Danny, stop humming." "[HUMS]" "Why are you giving us all this money?" "Because I believe in you guys." "After all you've done for me, I'm happy to do this." "This is not a gift, it's an investment." "I wanna be a partner in your success." "Danny, this is beautiful." "Boy, that's a lot of money." "You are so...." "Did you say partner?" "Well, silent partner." "Come on, what do you say?" "I'll be closemouthed." "No butting in." "Keep my nose out, mind my business." "My lips are sealed." "Not a peep." "Danny, if you'd shut up for one minute we can tell you that you're in." "Yeah?" "All right!" "Double J and D Creative Services." "Of course, the D is silent." "[HUMMING]" "Come on, sing, boys." "[ALL HUMMING]" "Hum with me." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH SDH]"