"Uncontrollable bleeding." "Acidosis." "Cold." "We all know what the combination means." "We call it the triad of death, the point of no return." "We've been talking about having another baby for months!" "We were excited!" "We were discussing freaking names!" "Why would you do that..." "just to get my hopes up?" "You're attacking me for something" " that I never even said!" " You didn't have to say anything!" "It's clear from everything that you do that you don't want this." "Why start training all over again?" "You're an amazing pediatric surgeon." "People cross the country just to have you operate on their kids." "For the last time, the fellowship is advancing my career, which is..." "Which is not advancing this family!" "It's the moment in the O.R." "When you turn to damage control." "Callie, actually, if I could stop you there," "I'm interested to hear the rest of Arizona's sentence." "Arizona, you were going to say... ?" "You stop." "You step back." "You let the body rest and see if you can find a solution to the chaos that's happening inside." " Courtney, you're doing great." " Clamp." "Is she okay?" "Tell me she's okay." "Are you kidding?" "She's absolutely beautiful." " Isn't that right, Robbins?" " She's so beautiful." "We're just gonna check her out and get her a little oxygen." "Lap pads." " All right, the placenta, Robbins." " Yeah, I got it." "Uh, hey, Alex, how are her sats?" "Below 90, but improving with bagging." "All right, let's get her ready to go." "Robbins, the baby is no longer your patient." "Pay attention here." "Arizona, you ready?" "Um..." "I love when you talk to a patient and it's like they're the only person in the whole world." "I love, um, you bite your lip just a teeny bit... it's barely noticeable..." "when you study scans, and I find it really sexy." "I love when you do the voices when you read to Sofia at night and make her laugh and I could listen to that sound all day... for the rest of my life." "And you smile when you sleep..." "like, big, like, crazy-big." "And I love that when I wake up, that's the first thing I see." "Uh, and I love..." "See, why... why don't you just..." "God." "Callie, do you want to talk about how Arizona's words make you feel?" "Um, well, it's just..." "I just..." "I..." "I..." "If you'd say this stuff out loud once in a while." "I would if you'd let me." " Wait, what?" " I was just saying them right now, and then you cut me off," "I mean, you're too busy trying to speak for me..." "Okay, remember the language we talked about using with each other." "I feel that you're always cutting..." "Well, I feel that you're constantly accusing me of this..." "I feel you did that again." " She just did it again!" " Let's try again." "Callie, I feel, uh, that you should go with a primary repair." "Eh, I feel the artery's missing too large a piece." "We'll do an interposition graft." "W..." "You agreed with me in pre-op." "Yeah, well, I changed my mind once I got in here and saw the extent of the defect." "Um, finished ligating the bleeders, so we're all set up here." "Yeah, and I don't see any more bone fragments, Dr. Torres, so..." "When you so quickly disregard my medical opinion, it makes me feel like you forget that I'm a pediatric surgeon who knows that interpositional grafts can cause complications in children." "Well, when you question me in the O.R., it makes me feel like you don't think I can do my job." " We'll use a PTFE graft, Wilson." " Use the great saphenous vein, Wilson." "We don't need any synthetic materials." "Okay, fine, cut into the kid's leg." "It's not about the leg." "It was never about the..." "It goes way before the leg." "Four years ago, I received the grant of a lifetime." "Going to Africa, working in that clinic..." "That was an opportunity that I never thought that I would get." "You followed your dream." "You went." "But you were supposed to go with me, and you were miserable and letting everyone know about it." "And so I went." "I went without you, and then I came back... for you." "I came back for you." " And when I came back, you were..." " Pregnant?" "I'm bisexual." "I'm attracted to both men and women, and it freaks her out." "Yes, I slept with Mark." "I got pregnant." "I was pregnant." "And?" "And I had no time to process it." "I was so in love with you," "I just wanted to be with you, no matter what." "And i-if in order to be with you..." "If you're about to say what I think you're about to say..." "Let me get a word in, Callie!" "I trapped you into a kid, a kid you never wanted, and now you're stuck." "Don't you ever say that I don't love my child or that I regret my child!" "I regret that you made a decision for me!" "You make all the choices!" "And every time that I try to make a decision for myself, it's like you make me feel like the worst, most selfish person in the whole world!" "I'm sorry." "Did I make you feel selfish when you decided to sleep with another woman?" " I'm so sorry." " That's not what I meant, and you know that's not what I meant." "I meant that anytime that I try and do something for myself, you... you... j..." "Callie, the session's not done yet." "It feels pretty done." "No!" "That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard." "It is not a stupid idea." "She didn't mean "stupid."" "She just said the word "stupid," so..." "You're talking about spending a large portion of my grant money on a complicated staged facial reconstruction for one patient." "So, what, you want to just reject him?" "No, we find a way to help him that's less stupid!" "Okay, I'm gonna grab lunch." "Hunt, find me later." "What's going on?" "It's just I keep giving and giving and giving." "You're giving me things I didn't ask for, Callie." "That is not true!" "All I've done is everything that you've asked me to do." "You asked me to not leave you after the plane crash." "I didn't." "You wanted me to stay after you cheated on me." "I did." "Then you wanted a house." "We got it." "I do everything for you, Arizona," " because I love you." " I love you, too!" "Well, and now we're here, and I want something, and you can't give it to me." "You won't give it to me." "I never said that I didn't want a baby!" "The whole reason that we're here is because of you and what you want." "I am trying to give you what you want," " but you make it so hard." " Why can't you commit to anything?" "I've committed the past five years of my life to you." "We're... not getting anywhere." "We've circled right back to where we started." "It may be time to hit the reset button." "Great." "Let's..." "let's reset." "How?" "Have you ever considered spending some time apart?" "Because a break can actually..." "You mean a separation?" "No." "We're trying to save our marriage, not destroy it." " I don't want to do that." " Let her finish." "Don't think of it as a separation." "You two have gone through so much." "You're completely different people than when you first got together." "It can be helpful to rediscover who you are, take a break from one another." "Break, separation... it's the same thing." "It's the first step to divorce." "Is this what you want?" "Is this what you..." " Let her finish." " Look, in my experience, couples come to therapy for one of two reasons." "Either one person wants out of the relationship and they need help telling the other, or they both desperately want to make it work." "They want to fight to make it work." "Well, we want to make it work, right?" "Right." "Right." "And a break is not an end." "A break is a tool to help make it work, for an agreed-upon time, and then we come together, re-evaluate the relationship." "No." "I don't like it." "I don't... no." "I think it's crazy." "I'm sorry, I do." "I mean, we're supposed to be getting closer, so, what, we need more space?" "No, we need more time together, not apart." "That's how you make things work, right?" "No break, right?" "I think we should take a break." "Grey's Anatomy 11x05 Bend and Break" "How long... how long will the break last?" "As long as you'd like." "We decide that now." "Okay." "Um... 30 days?" "30 days?" "A month?" "You need a break from me for a whole month?" "Arizona, you want to say something, now is the time." "Callie, I was trying to be nice." "I don't even think that that'd be enough." "I mean, if I thought you'd go for it, maybe three months, six months." "Oh... oh, my God." "Six months?" "I'm trying to be honest." "I want to save us, but the only way that I know how to do this is by being honest." "This feels like a joke." "Or a reality show." ""Real lesbian housewives M.D. of Seattle."" "Fine, 30 days." "How does it work?" "You have a child, so for her sake, you two will live in the house as parents, but with separate lives, separate rooms." "Boundaries are vital." "Make a schedule for child-care responsibilities, and stick to it." "No talking, no communication, except in emergencies." "Lastly..." "This is important..." "No intimacy, no sex, with other people or with each other." "Sofia's getting dressed." "She also seems to be continuing the purple theme she's got going on this week." "Arizona, I didn't sleep at all." "I can't do this." "It's been one night, and, um..." "I feel we don't need this." "How are we seriously supposed to not talk for an entire month?" "Just... please, just please look at me." "I need to talk." "Emily, I'm sorry." "I know it hurts." " Hurts like a bitch." " Yeah, meds will kick in soon." "You got your arm caught in what, again?" " A noodle-making machine." " Huh." "It's the dumbest job ever, but it just pays well, and I'm trying to get into culinary school, which is freaking expensive." "Looks like comminuted, displaced" " mid-shaft radius and ulna fractures." " Yep." "Well, Emily, unfortunately, your arm definitely needs surgery." "Now, in order to stabilize the fracture," "I will most likely need to put in a plate and some screws." "Uh, Edwards, call up to the O.R." "How long will it take to heal?" "I need my arm in shape to cook, to train for school." "Applications are due in a month." "Well, obviously, it's a pretty bad fracture, but we will fix you up, we will get you into P.T. as soon as we can, and you will be back at it before you know it, okay?" "All right." "Lee Franklin, one day old, diagnosed with esophageal atresia at birth." "Which means that his esophagus developed in two separate pieces." "I'm sorry, but I thought you said you could fix the gap." "When is that gonna happen?" "Well, unfortunately, Lee's images show a longer gap than we predicted." "It's measuring around four centimeters, which prevents us from simply sewing the two ends back together." "Dr. Karev can still operate, it just makes the surgery a little bit more complicated." "Wilson?" "We'll attach sutures to both ends of Lee's esophagus, threading them out through incisions in his back." "Every day, we'll pull on the sutures, thereby stretching the ends inside toward each other in order to connect them in a later surgery." "However, for the procedure to work, we'll need Lee to remain extremely still, so we'll need to put him in a medically induced coma." "I'm sorry, but, Dr. Robbins, but why aren't you doing the surgery?" "Dr. Karev is now the attending on this case." "I have recently started a new specialty in a different department." "But I can assure you," "I trained Dr. Karev, and he is awesome." "You have to put our baby into a coma?" "For how long?" "This process could take... weeks." "There are other surgical options I'd love to go over..." "But this is the best one for Lee." "Dr. Robbins, can I see you outside?" "What was that?" "You're just gonna make them worry." "I was thinking of doing a colonic interposition." "I fix the kid in one surgery, he can go home sooner." "No, using the native esophagus is better." "It's a prolonged hospital stay, but..." "We could have him in a coma for weeks, maybe months." "I mean, that'll put the parents through hell." "Using the colon has increased risks of stricture, anastomotic leaks, GERD." "I mean, it's not fun to watch your kid go through that, either." "Are you gonna let me do my job, or are you gonna do it for me the whole time?" "Oh, crap, I'm late for rounds." "Okay, listen, just do it my way, okay?" "Fine, only because he was once your patient and because you're having trouble cutting the strings." "Yeah, or because you know that I'm right." "Here you go, Doctor." "Thanks." "I sent your husband down to the gift shop." "He fainted last time we talked about needles." "Oh, he's such a lightweight." "Well, hopefully, he's buying you some chocolate." "You're late." "I'm so sorry." "Uh, I was checking on a baby in the NICU..." "Don't care." "Graham, start talking." "Jaclyn Werlein, 23 weeks along... recent fetal echo of her baby's heart unfortunately confirmed critical aortic stenosis." "Today, we'll be performing a fetal aortic valvuloplasty in order to open up the narrowed aortic valve." "Your B.P.'s a little high." "You feeling okay?" "I'm a little nervous." "The idea of a giant needle going through me and then my baby's teeny heart... there doesn't seem to be much room for error." "Dr. Herman has made us the go-to hospital for fetal cardiac intervention." "She is the only surgeon who even does this procedure in the Pacific Northwest." "She's why I'm here... to learn from her." "Jaclyn, I'm not even going to insert the needle until I'm sure your baby's in the precise position" " that he needs to be." " Okay." "Position is critical to success." "If the fetus isn't facing forward, chest up, we can't get to the apex of the heart." "Perfect approach, Graham." "We have direct access now." "I've been practicing in the lab." "Dr. Herman, I'd be happy to assist." "Graham is assisting on this one." "Watch." "Take notes." "I've performed dozens of percutaneous procedures on babies." "Were the babies still in utero?" "Did they have hearts the size of a walnut?" "No." "No, but..." "Well, that's not the same, then, is it?" "Robbins, you have an impeccable record as a pediatric surgeon." "As a fetal surgeon, big, fat zero." "I suggest you pay close attention to Graham's hands, and next time, you can assist." "Well, Dr. Herman, my hands are only trying to emulate yours." "Graham, one more word, we're gonna go over to plastics and have your lips surgically removed from my ass." "Now, shut up, everyone." "I'm deploying the balloon." "Oh, In case you're interested, there's a model you can practice on in the skills lab." "It's old, and the rubber's hardened, and it smells gross, but have fun." " Thanks." " It took me about two months to nail it." "Good luck." "Oh, Edwards, hey." "Um, are you still on Callie's service?" "No, this is the fourth time that she has switched Sofia duty on me." "She said she had to practice." "You tell her that her daughter's asking when she's gonna tuck her in at night, and remind her that we share custody" " in this stupid arrangement." " Okay, this really isn't" " something that I feel comfortable..." " Get out, Edwards." "Oh, sorry." "You were saying, uh, thyroid cancer?" "Patient is David Lasher." "I did a thyroidectomy on him, and since then, he has been cancer-free, but this morning, he came in complaining of hip pain, so I did a PET scan, and..." "Bone mets to the hip." "Is there any way to resect this without doing a total hip replacement?" "No, it looks like it involves too much of the proximal femur." " How old is David?" " 33, two kids and a wife." "How long will a replacement last?" "Uh, 10, 15 years." "So he'll need another one eventually." "Well, yeah, but we either resect it and do a total hip now, or his cancer continues to spread, and he dies." "Well, it looks like" "I'm scheduling a hip replacement." "Yeah." "Oh, no." "Don't... don't schedule it now." "I have a..." "A kid to pick up." "And you have to keep on a smile on your face despite your spouse barely speaking to you." "Totally get that." "Good night." "Sweet dreams." "Okay." "I had to look at so many places to find this, but I did." "Hey, Callie." "Are we too loud for Sofia?" "No, I just put her down." "I thought y..." "I thought Arizona had to study." "Right, uh, talking is against the rules." "Sorry." "Yes, Arizona is studying." "I am helping her make jello moms to practice on." "The jello is the uterus, and the grapes... tiny, little baby hearts." "It's the perfect surgical model." " You go in right here, and..." " Neat." "I'm also making ambrosia salad..." "Kepner family recipe." "So, then what did you do?" "I followed the rules." "Your rules, by the way... they suck." "Okay, almost there." "Just move the baby's left shoulder down, down." "Okay." "That's good." "Congratulations, Robbins." "That was the fastest I've ever seen anyone flip a fetus into position." "Thank you, Dr. Herman." "So, once we get the needle in, you wanna do the rest of the procedure?" "Yes." "But I'm not..." "I'm not sure I should." "I've only practiced a couple times in the skills lab, and I don't know if I'm there yet." "Well, I'm happy to assist if she's not ready." "Graham, I want you to take special note of what Robbins did there." "Oh, yes, ma'am." "I saw it." "That's what being an experienced surgeon gains you... the wisdom to know your limitations." "She's not gonna let her own arrogance get in the way of patient care." "Good call, Robbins." "Nice work, guys." "Robbins, you'll take the lead on the next one." "Be ready." "Of course, Dr. Herman." "Yes!" "Oh, Emily, I need you to remain still." "I thought the surgery was supposed to fix it!" "It still hurts, almost worse than when it got caught!" "Okay, well, you're a little over a week post-op, Emily." "It's still gonna hurt from time to time." "Edwards, labs?" "Her blood work's completely normal." "Uh, the incision looks good..." "No sign of infection, no compartment syndrome." "I can't sleep." "I can't eat." "Oh!" "Okay." "Okay." "I get these shocks like two or three times a minute, and I..." "I can't do it, Dr. Torres." "Emily, I am so sorry." "I've run every test." "Nothing's coming up." " I'm not sure what I can do." " Something!" "Got to do something to help me." "I can't live like this." "If I had known it was gonna be like this..." "Please." "Whoa." "Sorry." "You're good?" "You okay?" "Am I good?" "I am obviously not good." "I'm obviously not okay." "Why would you ask that if you already know the answer?" "Why not try, "what is it, Callie?"" ""What can I do, Callie," like a human person?" "Sorry." "I have my own stuff." "No, I'm s..." "I'm sorry." "It's my fault." "I just..." "I have no one to talk to." " You on call right now?" " No, why?" " Two more." " It's called an in-home separation." "We live in the same house." "We trade off caring for Sofia." "We just can't talk or have sex." "Exactly what Derek and I are doing, only healthy." "Oh." "Well, cheers to that." "Good man in the storm." "What's so "good man in the storm" about a break?" ""How was your day, Meredith?" ""Did you cure death today, Meredith?" "When are you gonna cure death, Meredith?"" " Oh, God." " "I could have cured death if you let me move to D.C. and work for the president."" "So I'm bisexual!" "So what?" "It's a thing, and it's real." "I mean it's called LGBTQ for a reason." "There's a "B" in there, and it doesn't mean "badass."" "Okay, it kind of does, but it also means bi." "Mm." "Mm." "My mom and the Chief were doing it all over the hospital." " Mnh-mnh." " All over the hospital, like me and Derek... cheating on Addison." " I'm a legacy cheater." " Mm." "Maybe Sofia will be a legacy cheater." "Everyone in this hospital's cheated on me." "Every single person I have ever married has cheated on me..." "All, uh, two of them?" "Yeah." "Come on." "Cristina was the third rail in our marriage... dangerous, fully charged, could kill us, but necessary for us to keep going." "She got me." "You think it's possible that my one true love in my life is a girl?" "Did you get excited by her vagina?" "No." "Then no." "Good point." "♪ Vagina ♪" " ♪ Va-va-va ♪ - ♪ Vagina ♪" "Sing it." " ♪ Va-va-vagina♪ - ♪ Vagina ♪" " ♪ Vagi-na-ha ♪" " It's a weird word." "I think it sounds pretty." "People should say it more." "Oh, God, I miss sex." "I'm hot." "My husband's an idiot." "Do it." "That might come back up." "Mm." "So, you broke the rules." "No." "No, we stopped." "We didn't have sex." "We j... we just... we kissed and, uh, somehow stopped." "I mean, she'd had that big surgery with Dr. Herman that day, and all I wanted to do was ask her how it went." "We didn't have sex." "Close enough." "Well, now I wish that we hadn't stopped." "So, uh..." "So, what happens now?" "In order for this to work, you have to follow the rules for the full 30 days." "You don't mean..." "When are you planning on doing the anastomosis?" "Ends will be close enough to join in a day or two." "Latest gapogram shows we're almost there." "How much are you pulling each day?" "Uh, about two millimeters." "Oh." "One's safer." "Why are you up here again?" "Do you even know what I'm doing?" "I am taking a wire the width of a hair and maneuvering it through the mom's abdomen, into the uterus, and then through the amniotic cavity, and then into the tiny fetus' chest, into an insanely tiny heart, to save a tiny human." "Hm." "Yay, you." "Ok... y... hey, pull gently." "I am." "Stop it." "Think about all the surgeries I'll save you from having to do." "Remind me to thank you later." " Now, would you please..." " My job's gonna make your job obsolete." " Damn it." " Oh, Alex, no!" "You're saying we have to start this whole ordeal over again?" "Since we had to reattach Lee's sutures in the O.R., it did set us back a few days." "But I assure you, it's a minor complication of the technique." "Nothing about this is minor!" "Now it sounds like you've just made him worse!" " Honey, maybe this..." " She hasn't held her son once." "Do you know what that's like for her, for her to stand here and just see him covered in tubes?" "Sir, I'm very sorry." "You're the one who should be the one apologizing." "You were supposed to do the surgery, but you just passed it off to him!" "I assure you that Dr. Karev..." "Yeah, he's very good." "He's "awesome." We remember." "My baby boy's chest has now been cut into twice, so you'll forgive me if I don't share your opinion." " Alex, hey, I'm s..." " No, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry for not telling you this sooner." "I never should have let you dictate a procedure I don't believe in." "This is my patient, this is my service, this is my NICU." "And last time I checked, I was the attending, and you were a fellow, so stop overstepping, and get the hell off my floor now!" "This lesion is extending all the way across David's subtroch region." "I can't believe he made it this far without fracturing his entire femur." "How's the break going?" "Meredith." "I mean, diet." " How's the diet going?" " Diet, right." "Uh, I'm back on track, I think." "Day 16." "No more late-night binges?" "Well, I almost had a, uh, cheeseburger, but then I didn't, so... that was rough, 'cause I like cheeseburgers." "Oh, God, I miss cheeseburgers." "Derek wants a cheeseburger every single night, and I tell him he can't have one till the end of the year, so he should just go and sleep on the couch." " Hm." " You're lucky." "At least your diet has an end date... 30 days, right?" "Imagine how good that cheeseburger's gonna taste" " when your diet's done." " No." " Did I go too far?" " No, no, no." "Look, look." "See that inflammation?" "The blood supply's completely gone." "A total hip won't survive in here." "Poor healing, crappy surgical bed, his immunocompromised state..." "It'd be infected within a week." "So, what do you want to do?" "We removed the tumor along with the necrotic bone, and we completely washed out the area." "It was fairly inflamed, so we also placed antibiotic-loaded cement spacers." "So, right now, he has no hip?" "How can he get out of bed or walk?" "He can't." "That ex-fix I attached is the only thing securing his leg in place to the rest of his body." "Oh, God." "Why did you..." "You said that you do this all the time." "I am so sorry." "I didn't know how much damage there would be until we actually opened your husband up." "The ex-fix is only temporary." "We will find a permanent solution." "The important thing is we got the tumor, and we stopped it from causing David any more problems." "I need..." "I need to be with him." "Of course." "Oh, God, I'm having the worst month." "I know what we need." "Hmm?" "Oh, you are so smart... so smart." " Can't eat all of this." " Oh, no, no." "We'll split it." "Cheers." "Ah." " Wait." " What?" " We could split it." " We are." "No, no, no." "What if we..." "What if we split it?" "If you want the whole thing, you can have the whole thing." "No, the leg, the... for David, the..." "Look, it's genius." "If we take his fibula bone and we split it into two pieces, we can use that to bridge the gap from the tumor resection." "The fibula will still have its native vessels that we can attach." "So, you attach the pedicle to the circumflex artery and then core out the necrotic bone?" " You do that?" " Works for non-unions." "I don't see why it wouldn't work for a tumor." " And he still gets to keep his leg?" " Yes!" "Hm." "Okay, we're gonna need more pickles." "We broke the rules again." " So, you had sex?" " No, no." "When she didn't come home," "I thought she was sleeping with someone else, which is against the rules, and, also, the idea really, really bugged me." "And then, when I thought, well, if she's not doing that, then what if she's not okay?" "'Cause that bugged me more." "So, I made her talk to me." "So, I know that we're not supposed to, but we still live in the same house, so I know when you don't come home." "Okay." "And I know it's none of my business, but there's Sofia, and so, you know, if something were to happen to you," "I wouldn't know where you were or who you were with." " I was here." " Don't." "Okay?" "'Cause I searched the call records for your name." " Oh, so you stalked me?" " I was worried." "I was at dinner with Grey." "We came up with a fix for a patient, and we came back here to work on it." " With Meredith?" " Yes." "What?" "What, you think something ha..." "I was with Meredith Grey, and suddenly, it was 3:00 A.M." "I didn't want to drive home, so I slept in an on-call room." "She was jealous... like, irrationally, obviously jealous." "Do you know how that feels, to have someone be jealous, to be worried that you're cheating?" "It feels nice." "Well, it's not the healthiest..." "No, no, no, no, no, I just mean, she was... she was worried about me." "She... she cared." "Does that mean this thing might actually be working?" "All right, just give me a few minutes, and I will have viable and structurally sound bone coming your way." "There's no sign of infection in the subtroch region, so the antibiotic spacers worked." " How's the blood supply?" " Oh, it's freaking amazing." "All right, we'll use a portion of the peroneal artery and its adjoining veins." "Okay, ready when you are." "All right, after I finish the femoral canal, we will incorporate the fibula into a plate-and-screw construct to span the defect." "And we'll do the vessel anastomosis with an 8-0 nylon, and we'll do simple, interrupted sutures." "Then we will check for leaks and patch any we find with fat grafts." "Hopefully, we'll have the patient weight-bearing within a couple of weeks." " Any questions?" " Dr. Torres." " Yes?" " When you're done in here, they're asking that you go down to the E.R." "why?" "Push 50 of fentanyl." "What happened?" "Paramedics said she ran her car straight through" " a guard rail and into a tree." " She's lucky to be alive." "Make it stop." "Let me die." "Please, make it stop." "Did she do it on purpose?" "Well, can't get anything out of her right now that makes sense." "Oh, God." "Wait, Callie." "What's the story with this girl?" "I repaired her arm fracture a month ago, but she's still in horrible pain, and I can't find anything wrong with her." "There's nothing wrong with her." "I don't know if it's referred pain" " or some kind of weird phantom limb, but..." " Okay, listen." "I think she just tried to kill herself." "And don't tell me it's not my fault, because it is." "It's my fault." "It's my fault that I can't stop the pain." "Stop." "There, see?" "You see that?" "Those teeny things?" "Barely." "They're fluid-filled cysts." "Emily's arm injury ripped the nerves from her spinal cord, causing her to develop spinal epilepsy." "Instead of having seizures, she develops these..." "Shocks of pain." " Is there any way to..." " Fix it?" "Yeah." "It's risky." "I have to burn the nerve endings of her spine to stop the communication of the pain signals to her arm." "Oh." "Can you do it?" "Are you kidding me?" "So..." "Addison Montgomery with a toddler." "Oh, yeah." "Henry has completely destroyed her white walls and carpets." "He's currently into drawing and spilling and smearing." "Yeah, well, looks like we won't see her on the conference circuit for a little while." "Um, I didn't know that you knew Addison, too." "Did you finish rounding?" "Yes." "Um, yeah." "I wanted to tell you that Ms. Cain gave consent to her valvuloplasty." " Um, should I schedule it?" " Yeah." "Day after next." "And you're leading this one, Robbins." "Graham will assist and hold the needles." "I'll observe." "You be ready this time." "Yes, ma'am." "Did you need something else?" "No." " So, Henry... that's a cute name, though." " It's cute." "Hey, um, how's he doing?" "Can I see the most recent gapogram?" "Uh, I'm not sure that I should." "I'm leaving, okay?" "It's your... your patient, your NICU, your territory, so I'm gone." "Okay, the cord's exposed." "I'm about to send down the radiofrequency probe." "I never even thought to look past the arm, and now" "I may have blown her chances at culinary school... gotten her hooked on pain meds, to boot." "It's not your fault." "No, this... this problem goes much deeper than anything you could have seen or could have controlled." "It's not your fault at all." " Calliope." "I..." " Shh." "I need..." "I need to practice." "No talking." "Rules." "Tomorrow's the last day." " So?" "Close enough, right?" " Yeah." "Oh, what if she makes us start over again?" "So, what if we don't tell her?" "Oh." "Hey, um, I just got your page." "I thought the Cain valvuloplasty was scheduled for tomorrow." "It was." "Ultrasound showed mild fetal hydrops." "So not only does it have to happen today..." "It has to happen right now." "You ready?" "Ready." "Needle, please?" "Stop." "What's wrong?" "I should be asking you that." "I'm sorry." "I don't follow." "You hesitated." "You steadied your hand." "I watched you." "No, no, I'm fine." " Are you nervous?" " No." "I mean... of course I am, but..." "Why?" "Why are you nervous?" "Are you well-rested?" " Yes, Dr. Herman." " But you're prepared, right?" "You studied the fetal echo, you memorized the measurements, you practiced the angles?" "Do you know exactly how far to insert the needle, at which point to deploy the wire, inflate the balloon?" " I do." "I think I..." " Do you think, or you know?" "I know." "I know." "I know!" "Graham, trade places with Robbins." "Absolutely." " Dr. Herman, I..." " It's fine." "We've just lost some valuable time." " Hi." " Hi." " Where you been?" " Vacation." "Right in here is fine." "Oh." "Hi." "Let me just explain." "Do you know how many fetal surgeons there are west of the Mississippi river?" "Five." "There are five of us." "And I need a sixth, Robbins, so I picked you." "Out of everyone, I handpicked you." "And you are letting me down." "I'm not just questioning your abilities." "Now I'm questioning mine." "I thought you had something." "I thought you were special." "You're the chief of pediatric surgery." "You're a member of the board, well-respected among peers." "I thought you would be better and in less time." "But today?" "Today, you embarrassed me." "Today, you were unprepared for the second time." "So I might have to rethink this, because you might not have what it takes here." "I don't know what's wrong with you." "I don't know what kind of demons you have." "But I can tell you that you are behind in this fellowship, and I don't have time for you to catch up." "I don't have time for three strikes." "Something like this happens again, you're out." " Any pain?" " No." "It's all gone." "What about your arm?" "Nothing." "When my car hit that tree, the first thought that came into my head was," ""at least it's over"... no more pain, no more swallowing a bunch of pills, trying to make it stop, no more crying on my couch watching those stupid, cheesy cooking shows, thinking about food I'd never make." "And, God, stop feeling sorry for myself." "Thank you." "I finally feel like I might actually survive this." "That's all you, you know." "Well, he's got a tough road ahead... months of P.T... but that graft should last him for years." "Hopefully, this is the beginning of the end for him." "So, what about you?" "It's day 30, isn't it?" "It is." "Day 30." "Uh, I am..." "Weirdly nervous." "I mean, I feel good, but I..." "I don't know." "It feels like coming back from somewhere." "Well, even though the diet's over," "I'm always up for cheeseburgers and tequila." "Oh." "Actual cheeseburgers." "Once the chaos subsides, we have to go back... take another look." "We have to ask ourselves... can this body be put back together?" "We were able to put Lee's esophagus back together, and I assure you, it's stronger than ever." "Thank you so much." "If we've done our jobs right, it can." "We stop the bleeding." "We sew up the damage." "We make the body whole again." "I understand why we did this." "You know, it was to make us stronger, to make us better." "And it did." "I mean, I feel like it really did." "It took a long time, and it was painful, and it sucked, but... we've come a long way." "And I know that we have further to go, but..." "I love you, Calliope." "I love you." "Life without you terrifies me." "And the world is just making less and less sense, and, like, I don't know what I'm doing at work anymore, but the thing that I need is my anchor." "It's you." "I need you." "And you're the only thing that I will ever need." "And I'm so glad that this break is over." "The last 30 days have taught me so much." "And all I wanted when we first came here was to know that we would leave together." "But from the minute I sat down, I could feel it." "I felt like I was gonna be suffocated." "The last several weeks," "I have laughed more, I have done more," "I have enjoyed myself more, than..." "And I finally feel free." "And by being free," "I can see now that constantly trying to fix us is the thing that's been killing me slowly." "And I don't want to do it anymore." "I don't want to fix it or fix us anymore." "Maybe instead of loving you so hard, I should..." "I should be myself for a while." "I should love me, and you should love you, and together we love Sofia, rather than..." "I want so much for you, Arizona." "For both of us." "So much more than this." "More than being stuck with someone who feels stuck." "I want you to feel free, too." "But no matter how hard we try..." "We have to realize..." "Some things..." "Just can't be fixed."