"Church bells." ""God himself believes in advertising." Know who said that?" "Aurélien Scholl." "The French sure know bitterness." " Where is Benedikt?" " Your guess is as good as mine." "This is ridiculous." " My condolences." " Thanks." "Let us read from the Bible ..." "Have you been baking?" "A badger." "Sorry I'm late." "You're here now." "That's what matters." ""... beautiful in its time."" ""Also, God has put eternity into man's heart."" "We are here to remember Jouanita Maria " " Suarez." "Jouanita's husband, Ernst,   has asked to say a few words." "Those who fear death   are usually those who also fear living." "Hunter S. Thompson once wrote:" ""To weird to live, to rare to die."" "We who loved you,   only thought about the latter." "How might you have turned out, if someone early on   had told you you were good enough?" "Because you were, Jouanita." "You were good enough." "Better than most others." "You gave more love than anyone I have ever met." "You made the people around you   feel alive." "Are you OK?" "And you died   from having lived too much." "How many can claim that?" "And that's why it feels right   to let you, Jouanita, have the last word." "Nice choice." "She hated church like the plague." "Let this be the last nail in their coffin." "As a child, I would fish from the bathroom window." "Mother considered it senseless, believing life had meaning." "Who is she?" "You look miserable." "It is a funeral." "You know what I mean, Benedikt." "I guess." "I don't know." "When were you happy last?" "I thought a lot about that in prison." "Remember our summers on the Shetland Islands?" "That's the last time I remember being   100 % happy." " Seriously?" " Yes." "It was great." "I remember you liked it there." " You still want to be buried there?" " No." " But you still have that gravesite?" " Sure." "Because I remember you wanted a nice spot, right?" "Back then, the idea was to have a view   of the autumn storms in the North Sea." "A place where you could leave the rest of the world behind." "Shetland holds a special place in our family history." "I can't recall that." "My father, your step-grandfather,   lived a life   it was hard to be proud of." "The only good thing he did, was in 1940." "The war was bad, but it gave some men the chance to redeem themselves." "Your step-grandfather biked to Norway." "Looking for the worst place, he stole a newspaper   and read about the massive bombing of Narvik." "But in Narvik they hated the Swedes for having aided the Germans." "So he biked on to the nearest fishing village." "He bought a fishing boat and set sail for England." "But his navigation was off and he ended up in Shetland." "He was like us, so it only took him a week to marry." "Shortly after, he was given command of a destroyer." "He was torpedoed three Christmases in a row." "That's why we celebrated Christmas in April." "With cold cuts." "Is it OK if I take over your gravesite in Shetland?" "It's yours whenever you might need it." "There is always a spot for you." "Wherever in the world, there is always a spot for you." "Thanks." "It doesn't exactly feel like that." "I've looked everywhere." "Mia must have run off to Serbia." "And brought Alexander." "I have to go down there." "Benedikt, my father didn't do what he did to save anyone else." "It was to save himself from going under." "You aren't there yet." "You paid your dues." "You can start over." "Listen to what I'm saying for once, Ernst!" "I have to go." "I have to tell Mia I'm aware of my mistakes,   and that they have to come home." "That's all I could think about in prison." "Don't be so naive!" "Don't go there now." "She's married." "She isn't coming back." "She married a friend of her father's." "Her parents moved down." "She wanted to go." "And then she met someone down there." " Why didn't you tell me?" " You were in prison." "It would only have made matters worse." "But you could have stopped her!" "I didn't know until she was gone." "And still you did nothing!" "While I was behind bars!" "What kind of a helpless idiot are you?" "You don't pick up the phone when I call, and you know all this?" "How do you think it feels, to have someone run off with your son?" "Or are you incapable of feeling anything?" "I have nothing now." "Because you did nothing." "I didn't know what to say!" "Take care of your own life." "You have me and Dag." "Dag has Eva." "And you have always only had yourself." "And you know that!" "Benedikt!" "You did nothing, Ernst." "Nothing." "They're here for the bag!" "Drive!" "Can't that nutcase just cook up some more speed?" " We just pack it." " Can't you talk to them?" "Your prison was like a country club." "These guys were in Petak." "I'm not in this for fun, I'm doing it to stay alive!" "I'm driving you to a hotel, and that's it." "I'll go to the bar, you go to your room." "I am sick and tired of you!" "What is this?" "A lawn." "I can see that, but what is it doing here?" "It's doing good things, Dag." "Your patients come from a cold world outside   and into an oasis of security, freedom and green grass." "Before entering the cold world of your office." "Kjell will mow and water weekly." "Say hi to Kjell." " Hi." " Hi." "My new book is about the Cuban Missile Crisis being solved through golf." "Eighteen stages of the Crisis." "One for each hole." "A little positivity, Dag?" "My authorship happens to be paying for the grass you're walking on." "I had to send in your next couple while we were tending to the lawn." "PREGNANT" "Shit!" "Last we met you had split up, so what are you doing here?" "Your secretary called, asked how we were doing." "We weren't doing great, so here we are again." "My secretary called you?" "I see." " So the next question is why?" " What?" "Why are you together?" "We tried living separately, but that was hard." "Both logistically and that the kids got sad." " And then I got pregnant." " You what?" "Is getting pregnant the new national pastime?" "And is he the ...?" "I was just dropping the kids off." "And stayed for a bottle of wine." "Why?" "You drop your kids off after having them for a week." "If you're just returning to an empty apartment,   it isn't easy to feel great about yourself." "So I thought I'd stay for some wine." "Great idea." "So you could make another kid to disappoint." "We don't want to disappoint anyone." "You were separated." "Isn't another kid a lousy idea?" "I don't know if we actually were separated." "It's still just the two of us." "Fine." "What do you want me to do?" " I'm sure you'll love this ..." " I doubt it." "Our relationship is now a competition." "We tell each other everything we do, to gain the upper hand." "Preferably in a way that doesn't make it too obvious." ""I took out the garbage." "I did laundry."" "And then you expect a "good job" in return." "Not for the praise." "But you want them to acknowledge what you have done." "Why has this happened?" "Because there aren't enough hours in the day." "So in order to be able to feel   that you can read the paper without being reproached,   you make sure the other person is aware of how much you have done." "How about you, Kristoffer?" "I agree with Stine." "There isn't enough time." "We compete over who sleeps the least." "The highlight of the day is five minutes alone in the bathroom." ""Twosomeness" doesn't really exist." "We live together and, in spite of everything,   we work well together as partners." "At the practical level." "We're polite, we get things done." "But nothing about us is "twosome."" "Before, when you didn't have kids,   you had your own identity." "You had friends who saw you." "Who could see you at your worst, and that was OK." "You could share your sickest thoughts with them, and that was OK too." "But now, you see your friends less and less." "You lose your identity, little by little." "And become more and more   that person in that relationship." "But those thoughts don't go away." "They keep building up." "And eventually you feel you're the only one." "I've never felt more alone than I do right now." "With my family around me." "But you can talk to me about everything." "No, he can't." "Just like you can't tell him everything." "Everything you tell your partner is stored in some mental vault." "Until it pops up later, at some inopportune moment." "Your life is like any family's with small children." "So what should we do?" "Turn it into a competition." "That's what it is anyway." "Hang up a chalkboard in the kitchen." "Give each other points for everything you do." "Five points for mowing the lawn, two points for doing the dishes." "Five points for waking the kids." "And one you reach 100 points, you get one free day to yourself." "Then you can do whatever you want." "Go fishing, get drunk, play FIFA ..." "Both of you agree to the rules." "And both of you will put a little more effort into the housework." "I see." "You have nothing to talk about." "How about Thursday?" "Excellent." "Thank you." "Calling for clients?" "Only those who are miserable." "The first rule of marketing:" "It's harder to land a new client than to retain an old one." " Here you go." " What's this?" "Your test results." "Your cholesterol level and blood pressure such." "No butter, salt or bacon for three months." " Any other crappy news?" " I sent a copy to Eva." "Of course you did." "We're at the top." "Hi." "How are you?" "Hi." " How are you?" " I can't hear anything." "The iPad is in the living room." "See if you can get a new high score." "So, what's up?" "Long story made short, it ended up with ..." "Too loud?" "I parked Dorina at a hotel." "I was going to take a quick trip to the bar." "You never know what you might find at a cheap hotel." "It was the usual mix of backpackers and losers." "With one notable exception." "FUCKABLE PREY!" "TARGET LOCKED" "Fredrikstad?" "I've been there a lot." "Nice town." "I know about marching bands." "Did you know term Janissary comes from the Turkish   "yeni çeri"?" "They were elite infantry units   for the Ottoman Sultan back in the 1300s." "May I join you?" "I would do anything not to go back to Dorina's room." "But this girl wasn't what I had in mind." "She was nice, but I was hoping for something extraordinary." " What instrument do you play?" " So I tried to juice things up." "So this has nothing to do with the drugs in church." "You were fucked deaf!" "Let me get you a beer." "Beer?" "Sounds good." " I'm watching Leon." " I can't hear you." "Want me to show you something?" "Say this is   100 years." "How old do you think you'll get?" "80?" "And how long will you be healthy?" "70?" "How old are you now?" "35." "How's it going?" "There." "That's where the thread is." "And one there." "Perfect." " Hello?" " Hi." " Excellent." " What is that?" " A bacon lamp!" " Yup." "A bacon lamp." "Leon and I made it." "Since I can't eat bacon for a couple of months." "I have here   a 100-watt light bulb, so we'll get a lovely bacon odor eventually." "Lovely!" "And it gives off a nice, warm light." "It's like the Kinder Surprise of interior design." " I heard Benedikt in the hall." " Yes, he scared the crap out of me." "Imagine ending up and deaf on a shoe rack." " We're out of bacon." " Yes, we are." " Should I get some more?" " Sure." "Check in the kitchen." "Want to get married?" "We just came from a funeral." "Not to be rude, but ..." "I thought it would be nice to do something pleasant on a sad day." " You aren't kidding either." " Nope." "I mean ..." "Wouldn't we have to invite lots of guests?" "No." "It could just be you, me and Leon." "Sure." "Why don't we talk about it tomorrow?" " Or later." " Sure." "OK."