"[Engine turns off] Oh, yeah." "What?" "Mr. Pickles: [Panting] Huh." "Mr. Pickles: [Barking]" "Idiot. [Tires screech]" " I'm Ron Bolton's guy." " Your target's playing bingo tomorrow night." "I'm gonna miss grammy, but I can't wait to get my inheritance!" "First thing I'm gonna do is get my butthole bleached." "Mind if I shoot her in the face?" "Sure. [Humming]" " Oh, my butthole!" " Tommy:" "Mr. Pickles!" "S01E07 Grandpa's Night Out" "Grandpa:" "Huh?" "[Gasps]" "[Moans] What happened last night?" "Mr. Pickles: [Barking] Beverly:" "Somebody's excited" " this morning." " Tommy:" "Wow!" " I wish I had muscles like him." " Stanley:" "Well, this wrestling is just fakery." "Mr. Pickles: [Barks]" "Grandpa: [Moans] Last night, Mr. Pickles..." "Beverly:" "Dad, please." "Not another "evil Mr. Pickles" story!" "Grandpa:" "Actually, me and Mr. Pickles had a good time last night." "I woke up, and he was pouring whiskey in my mouth." "Hey!" "What are you..." "well!" "That's pretty good." "He convinced me to head to the tavern." "We had a real hoot." "[Click, dance music plays]" "We stayed till they kicked us out." "[Crowd cheers] But Mr. Pickles wanted more drinks." "Last thing I remember is, uh," " seeing your friend Linda." " Hi, grandpa." "Grandpa:" "I guess that's all I remember." "Maybe Mr. Pickles doesn't want to torment me anymore." " Morning, baby!" " Grandpa:" "Huh?" "You was an animal last night!" "[Growls]" "Beverly:" "Linda?" "Is that my mother's wedding ring?" "Grandpa:" "Huh?" " We's married." " Grandpa:" "What?" "!" " We got married?" "!" " Tommy:" "Yay!" "New grandma!" "Now, come upstairs!" "[Humming]" "Grandpa: [Groans] I got to get out of this." "Beverly:" "Marriage is a serious commitment that you need to honor." "Mr. Pickles: [Barks]" "Grandpa:" "Wha... you!" "Stanley:" "Welp, congratulations." " Bye, dear." " Grandpa:" "Huh?" " Ohhhhhh!" " I'm Ron Bolton, and I can" " take care all your legal needs." " Grandpa:" "Great!" "What do I do?" "If your wife falls for one of my undercover seducers, then you claim infidelity and get your divorce." " Grandpa:" "Perfect!" " But now act like everything's wonderful." "Got it?" "And remember... we do validate for parking." "Parking validation covers 15 minutes or less." "[Humming] Grandpa:" "Huh?" "[Screams] Beverly:" "Linda, don't..." "We movin' in." "Meet your new daughter..." "Linda Jr. aah!" "Grandpa:" "Wonderful." "Mr. Pickles: [Whimpers]" " Tommy:" "Hi!" " Thank you for your gracious hospitality." "Y'all got everything too spread out." "If you pile it in the corner, then you can make room for a floor fire or a squirrel pit." "[Squirrels chatter] Beverly:" "Uh, this is still my house." "Don't you back-talk me!" "You don't want me taking my shoe off." "Beverly: [Gasps] That's a flipper, not a shoe!" "Grandpa:" "Uh, everything's wonderful." "Beverly:" "This marriage is a disaster!" "Marriage is a serious commitment that you need to honor!" "Beverly: [Gasps] Oh." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Mr. Pickles: [Whimpers]" "Thanks for showing me around, Tommy." "[Laughing] One, two!" "Take this." "Take that!" "Take this!" "Huh?" "Tommy:" "Nice costumes!" "Can we wrestle with you?" "[Chuckles] You can't wrestle with those legs." "Tommy:" "Ohh!" "Yeah, you crippled loser!" "[Laughs]" "Tommy:" "Oh, I hate my leg braces." "Nobody's perfect." "I have a thumb growing out of my bellybutton." "Tommy: [Gasps] Wow!" "That doesn't stop me from being happy." "You just have to be yourself." "Tommy: [Laughs]" " Please don't touch it." " [Surfer accent] Ron Bolton" " pool cleaning." " Grandpa:" "She's upstairs." "[Laughs] Huh?" "Got to mark my territory!" "Now I know where to smell it on" "Huh?" "Oh, my goodness!" "Grandpa:" "Gotcha!" "Huh?" "Ooh!" "We 'bout to get real freaky, daddy!" "Huh?" "Where am I?" "Mr. Pickles: [Panting] [Chuckles]" "[Cellphone ringing] Mr. Pickles: [Barks]" "Aah!" "[Chuckles]" "Did you seduce her yet?" "[Barks] This is Ron Bolton." "Who am I talking to?" "[Barks]" "Hello?" "[Chuckles]" "Attention, everyone!" "Now we're pushing crusher dolls, and you better sell." "Or you'll be crushed by the..." "Crusher!" "Ahhh!" " Rawr!" " Stanley:" "Sorry, ma'am." "Yes..." "You say you want to buy 100 crusher dolls?" "We'll get those right over to you!" "Crushed!" " Oh, wow." " Stanley:" "Come on." " The phone wasn't even on..." " Crusher!" "I'm inviting you all to my match tonight." "[Growls] Ahhh!" " Crusher!" " What do you mean, he disappeared?" "Grandpa:" "I can't hold her off much longer." "Just do what I say, and you'll be divorced faster than you can say..." "Anything I say can't be held against me in a court of law." "Now, here's the plan." "Mr. Pickles: [Panting]" "I have something to show you." "Gloria, here, has hands but no arms." "But that doesn't stop me from" " making the best thongs in town." " Tommy:" "But where'd her arms go?" "This is Barry." " He's got webbed feet." " But that doesn't stop me from" " building with metal." " Tommy:" "Uh-huh." " But where'd that lady's arms go?" " This is Dan." " Hi." " He's normal." "But that doesn't stop my sister from being the best junkyard dog in town." "[Growls]" "Tommy:" "Aah!" "[Giggles]" "See?" "We can do anything." "[Giggles]" " You just have to be yourself." " Tommy:" "So, you guys can do anything?" "Together:" "Hooray!" "Tommy:" "So you can make me a wrestling costume to cover up my leg braces so no one will think I'm a cripple anymore!" " Hooray!" " Together:" "Ohhh!" "Ohhh!" "["Fur Elise" plays]" " Aah!" " Grandpa:" "Aah!" "Uh..." "This fancy." "Now gimme some of that thing!" "Grandpa:" "Come on, Ron Bolton!" "[Cackling]" "Don't stare, now, sheriff." "It ain't manners." " I want ice cream, mama." " You know a sheriff don't get no ice cream unless he cracks a big case." " Mama, I love you." " Why, thank you, sheriff." " You're a very nice boy." " Now can I have some ice cream?" " You're trying to trick me, aren't you?" " ♪ grandpa loves his lady, baby ♪" "Grandpa:" "No!" "♪ Linda gonna drink him up like bird eggs 'n' gravy ♪" " Grandpa:" "Huh?" " Beverly:" "Dad, I had to tell you..." "I'm sorry I haven't been supportive of you and Linda." " Shall we dance?" " Grandpa:" "No!" "She's not the..." "Beverly:" "Why, yes." "I'd love to support Linda's lovely voice." "Grandpa:" "No!" " ♪ Yeah ♪" " Crusher!" "Hey!" "It's that leg-brace kid from before!" "Cool costume." "Ditch those weirdos and hang with us." " Hey!" "Who you calling "weird"?" " He doesn't want to hang out" " with you jerks." " Tommy:" "Okay!" "Bye!" "[All groan] [Piano riff plays]" "♪ Oh, me and grandpa naked in butters ♪" "Grandpa:" "How about we get back to our table?" "Beverly:" "Oh!" "That's enough!" "Hey!" "Grandpa:" "No!" "Give it a minute." " Then we catch them in the act." " Grandpa:" "That's not my wife!" " That's my wife!" " ♪ I wanna have se-e-e-e-e-x ♪" " ♪ Gonna wash grandpa down... ♪" " Ohh!" "She's an unseducible." "They sometimes require extreme measures." "Some assembly required." " Beverly:" "Hey!" "Get off me!" " Admit it." " You want my heart inside of you." " Beverly:" "No!" "Hey!" "Where you going?" "Huh?" "Ohh!" "[Cellphone rings]" "Beverly:" "What's going on here?" "Some man just tried to attack me." " And who's this?" " Grandpa:" "Oh, all right!" " I hired a guy to seduce Linda." " Beverly:" "You hired..." " Oh!" "How could you?" " Little wedding present for you... tickets to tonight's wrestling event." "Tickets nonrefundable." "This is part of my plan." " Whoo!" " Beverly:" "Linda, wait!" "Mama, I'm the sheriff." "I want ice cream." "You know the rules." "Now, finish your sketti, or you don't get to see those wrestlers." "Ah!" "I did it." "Crusher!" "[Crowd cheers]" "Hah!" "[Growls]" "Stanley:" "This is ridiculous." "[Growls]" "Stanley:" "Fake." "[Growls] Aah!" "Stanley:" "Fake!" "Hah!" "[Growls]" "Stanley:" "It's fa-a-a-a-a-ke!" "[Crowd gasps]" "Uh-oh." "Well, come up here and see how fake it is!" "[Crowd cheers]" "Beverly:" "Linda, wait!" "He doesn't love you!" " Grandpa:" "Huh?" " Oh, that's it!" " I'm 'bout to whup your ass!" " Beverly:" "Linda!" " Grandpa:" "Ladies!" " Y-yeah, the one with the flipper." "Mind if I shoot her in the face?" " Who wants to see him crushed?" "!" " Stanley:" "N-no, no!" " Hah!" " Stanley:" "Uh..." " Tommy:" "Hey!" "That's my dad!" " Your dad's a loser." "[Both laugh] Tommy:" "I'll save you, dad!" "Both:" "Kill him!" "Kill him!" "Kill him!" "Kill him!" " Tommy:" "I'm coming!" " Take this!" "And that!" "Stanley: [Yawns]" "Beverly:" "Linda, no!" "Listen to me!" " Honey?" " Stanley:" "They love me, honey!" "They love me!" "Punch!" "Kick!" " Beverly:" "No!" " Yi!" "Yi!" "Yi!" "Yi!" "Yi!" "Yi!" "Grandpa:" "Oh, no!" "I didn't know your plan was to kill her!" "Hmm?" "Aah!" "Ohh!" "Mama, somebody keeps pointing a laser at me." "Hey, what are you doing?" "!" "You ain't taking me out!" " Stanley:" "I am Mr. Goodman!" " Oh!" " Tommy:" "I'm almost there, dad!" " Crusher!" "Stanley:" "Aah!" "Somebody save me!" "Tommy:" "Oh, that's enough!" "Ugh!" " Aah!" " Grandpa:" "N-o-o-o-o-o!" "[Crowd cheers] Beverly:" "No!" "don't hurt her!" " Aah!" " Beverly:" "She deserves better than this!" " Grandpa:" "But..." " Aaaah!" "Aaaaaaaah!" "Unh!" "Grandpa: [Distorted groan]" "[Dance music plays] Hi, grandpa." "[Both moaning]" "Ooh, grandpa!" "I do!" "[Moaning, screaming]" "Mr. Pickles: [Panting] Grandpa:" "Mr. Pickles!" "Grandpa, we gonna need a divorce!" "I can't be havin' nothin' come between me and my best friend." " Prepare to be crushed!" " Tommy:" "Hey!" " Leave my dad alone!" " Oh, no!" "[Crowd gasps] Stanley:" "Fake..." "I knew it!" "[Cries] Tommy:" "Linda Jr. was right." " I just have to be yourself." " Together:" "Ew!" "Nobody gets over on Ron Bolton!" " Freeze right there, murderer!" " What?" "!" "I didn't kill him!" "Oh, you didn't?" "Well, have a good day." "Mr. Pickles: [Barks] Huh?" "Mr. Pickles: [Barking] Huh?" "Huh." "You're under arrest!" "[Camera shutter clicks]" "Mr. Pickles: [Panting] [Crickets chirping]" "Grandpa:" "Good night, Agnes." "Ahhh." "[Gasps] Huh?" "Hey." "You an animal last night." "[Giggles]" "Grandpa:" "Mr..."