"Previously on Boston Legal..." "I believe Rachel's using again." "What proof do you have?" "She asked to borrow $40." "Crystal meth users live their lives in $40-increments." "I want you to find out if my daughter is using drugs again." "What time do you get off work?" "She's sweet, beautiful, nothing rattles her." "Even when she lost her ATM card." "What are you talking about?" "Rachel lost her ATM card, so I loaned her 40 bucks." "You have a child." "A child!" "You bastard." "I'm helping Melissa, who seems to have fallen into a black hole of debt." "Very black." "Melissa Hughes?" "Uh, why?" "Are you Melissa Hughes?" "Alan!" "These people are looking for a Melissa Hughes." "They have guns." "What's going on?" "Can we see some identification, please?" "Do I have to do that?" "Don't I have the right to not incriminate myself?" "Why don't we start with you identifying yourselves?" "Special agent Joseph Reynolds with the US treasury department." "This is special agent Thomas Leahy, also with the treasury department." "Are you Melissa Hughes?" "All right." "Please put your hands behind your back, Ms Hughes." "What?" "I asked before." "I'll do so again." "What is going on?" "This woman is under arrest for evasion of federal income taxes." "You have the right to remain silent." "Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law." "You have the right to speak with an attorney." "I'm her attorney." "We'll waive Miranda." "There's no need to take her into custody." "I'll surrender her myself at her arraignment." "I'm sorry, sir." "Let's go, ma'am." "Hold up." "Did you just call me "ma'am"?" "No talking, Melissa, and don't be making any statements." "I'll be there as soon as I can." "Alan!" "I dreamt I had a 3-way with Denny... and Denny." "Good Lord!" "I wouldn't even want to dream that you just told me that." "This must be the way my subconscious is telling me" "I need to get back out there and start dating again." "Oh, well... then allow me to take advantage of your situation." "My nephew Michael just moved here from New York." "He is an investment banker with Price Stearns, and he needs someone to show him around." "Shirley, you're my boss." "And you're coming up for partner soon, so it's one of those lose-lose situations." "Fine." "Give me his number." "Good morning, Shirley." "Denise." "Hi, Denny." "You dreamt we had sex together." "How did you know?" "You mean I'm right?" "I ask everybody that." "You're the first person who ever said yes." "Uh, Shirley, could we talk for a second?" "It's rather important." "Oh, yeah." "Dinner?" "Rachel is using again." "I found a crystal meth kit in her bathroom." "I'm so sorry." "I've decided to do an intervention." "I see no other alternative but to get her into a facility." "And Fiona?" "I'll assume custody until Rachel is well." "Legally, social services..." "I cannot allow for that." "Are you looking for my counsel here, Paul, or simply informing me?" "I guess a little of both." "There's a private investigation company that specializes in these matters." "I've already contacted them." "You sure this is what you want to do?" "There's a child involved." "What choice do I have, other than going to the police?" "I'm not sure I can get you out of this." "Can't you just make one of those really, really long speeches like you did with my credit card thingy?" "This is a little bit more serious than not paying your credit card bills." "Oh, come on." "I can't be the first person to forget to pay her taxes." "You sent the form back with a note saying "stick it"." "I was extremely close to my grandfather." "I'm sure you feel you've just explained things." "He served in World War Ⅱ." "He was such a proud American, and I just started thinking how embarrassed he would be by what's happening today." "What's happening?" "Us torturing people, um, the spying on our own people squashing everybody's civil liberties." "My grandfather would weep." "It makes me weep." "Melissa, you need to change the channel." "The awful things you speak of never happen on the fair and balanced newscast." "41625." "The United states vs Melissa Hughes." "Violation of internal revenue code 76..." "Alan Shore for Ms Hughes, your honor." "I believe we can waive reading." "And in fact, since the total amount is around $400," "I would submit that my client simply pay it together with late penalties, and we can dispose of this whole..." "The government's not interested in a deal, your honor." "The defendant didn't just fail to pay her taxes." "She wrote "stick it" on a post-it and attached it to her returns." "Your honor, it's quite simple." "When my client filed her taxes, she inadvertently mailed the post-it note she had written to herself as a reminder to stick the check in the mail." "What is this jibber-jabber?" "I don't like jibber-jabber in my courtroom." "Oh, my goodness." "Your client stands accused of a federal crime." "Do you want a trial, Mr Shore?" "Immediately." "Mr Shapiro?" "The government stands ready." "10:00 AM tomorrow." "And I would ask counsel to check his sense of humor at the door." "My courtroom is a temple of decorum, and I do not tolerate jibber-jabber." "10 o'clock." "It's almost 3 now, so I'd like to wait until tomorrow." "I want to do this while Fiona is at school." "How do you know the school will release Fiona to you?" "Rachel authorized me last week when I picked her up." "Do not expect my daughter to just go along for the ride." "She will resist you with everything she's got." "Thank you." "Thank you, sir." "Brad, should the police come asking questions," "I would count on your support on the justification issue." "Paul, I'll do what I can, but I can't really support justification." "I beg your pardon?" "Well, what can I tell the police, that I saw her not taking drugs, that she took me to a narcotics anonymous meeting?" "I'm counting on your support, and I will get it." "I did not see a person on drugs." "I'm sorry." "Yes?" "Michael Reisz is here." "Um, send him back." "Hi, Michael." "Well, it's, um, it's nice to meet you." "Shirley's told me so much about you." "Yow." "Giggity-giggity." "Beg pardon?" "Shirley, when you told me your nephew was "sweet,"" "somehow, in his mind, that was synonymous with "horny"." "Oh, lovely." "Okay, call me back." "Evening, officer." "Good evening." "License and registration, please." "I missed it." "When did they make a left turn on red legal in Massachusetts?" "Did I do that?" "You know, it's been a really stressful day." "Um, I'm an attorney at Crane, Poole  Schmidt." "Why are you telling me that?" "You think that's gonna influence me or something?" "That doesn't seem right." "I, I didn't..." "I'm sorry." "No." "I made a mistake." "Officer, why don't you just give me a ticket and we'll call it a night?" "Now that was the right thing to say." "I'm gonna let you off with a warning this time." "Really?" "Oh, thank you so much." "This, this is the first good thing to happen to me all day." "Same here." "We've stipulated as to your noncompliance." "The only testimony to be taken would be yours." "Okay." "I'll take one last shot at settling it." "Actually, I've decided I want to continue with the trial." "Sorry?" "I think it's what my grandfather would want." "Oh, you've got to be kidding me." "Please stop talking about your grandfather." "But..." "Melissa, the prosecution is looking to make a point." "You could go to jail for a long time." "Are you listening to me?" "Yeah." "You get to go and fight battles for things you believe in every day, and it is so... admirable." "I've never really stood up for anything." "I know it sounds all stars and stripy, but my grandfather..." "I'm sorry, but he did." "He talked about the America he fought for." "Now I want to fight for it." "Okay, first of all, and I think your grandpa would agree with me, there's nothing more American than paying your taxes." "I want to have my day in court." "At the risk of having your day in prison?" "You want to bone me up?" "I beg your pardon?" "For my testimony." "Shouldn't you prep me?" "You seem prepped." "You okay?" "My head hurts." "Let's get to court." "Denise..." "I'm, I'm sorry." "And for the record, he's not horny around me." "It's okay." "I met someone else, and the night took a whole other twist." "He's a police officer and a real gentleman." "You slept with him." "I did not." "You did, too." "I did not." "Denise." "Maybe a little." "You slut." "I have a really good feeling about this one." "Well, then you can send your thank-you notes to me and Michael." "This is Denise." "Hi, it's me." "Hey, you." "It's him." "A next-day caller." "What's up?" "Listen, uh," "I was wondering if you could meet me down at the police station." "Um, sure." "I get off for lunch around noon." "I don't, I don't know if I can make lunch." "Why not?" "I have been arrested." "What?" "What for?" "Impersonating a police officer." "I've always believed the United States was not only the strongest country, but also the most moral one." "And so naturally, that's what prompted you to tell them to stick it?" "I just felt so... embarrassed." "Embarrassed over..." "Well, I guess, first, the whole weapons of mass destruction thing." "Now maybe we lied, maybe we made a mistake, but either way, as, as goofs go, to start a war?" "Hello." "It embarrassed you?" "Didn't it you?" "Objection." "Ms Hughes, please do not address the jury." "Okay." "It seems as though you oppose the war." "Actually, I don't." "If the government had said," ""We need to do anything to get rid of Saddam,"" "I would've said, "let's roll"." "And if we had apologized after making such a humongous gaffe with the whole weapons thingy," "I'm sure I could've accepted that, too." "But instead, we were so arrogant." "It was... embarrassing." "Yes." "Anything else?" "Torture." "Our military tortured prisoners." "Aren't we supposed to be the country that stands for human rights?" "I mean, doesn't it just make you want to hide?" "Ms Hughes..." "And spying." "Okay, we spy on our own citizens now?" "All this to fight terrorists because they're a threat to freedom as we know it?" "I mean..." "Talk about burning down the barn to kill the rats." "Am I the only one embarrassed by this?" "What about the military, Ms Hughes?" "Have our soldiers embarrassed you?" "I have always been as proud of our troops as I am grateful." "Now I believe you said that you're actually for the war." "I guess you'd be for winning it." "Of course." "What chance do you think we'd have of victory if people started not paying their taxes?" "Not good." "But I guess if you're ashamed enough to be an American, it's okay..." "She never said she was "ashamed to be"." "She said she was "embarrassed as", a distinction often missed by those who confuse dissent for disloyalty." "Mr Shore, sit down." "I am sitting." "Okay, you got me." "But I was about to sit after objecting to the D.A.'s jibber-jabber." "There he goes again." "There I go again." "Stop with the jibber-jabber." "The issue here is, did she pay her taxes?" "She didn't." "You be quiet, Mr Shore." "And, Mr Shapiro, sit down while you're ahead." "We will have closing arguments, and then the jury will rule, and then I will give my sentence." "Small point, judge." "You probably shouldn't indicate to the jury you expect a sentencing." "I could be wrong." "Enough jibber-jabber!" "May I come in?" "I feel horrible about how it ended the other day." "Well, gee." "It's just... if you're using crystal meth..." "Rachel, what I know about you, or, I should say, suspect... is that you really don't want to eliminate drugs from your life." "You want to be able to manage them." "Nice talking to you, dad." "I would like you to check yourself into rehab." "Fine." "I'll think about it." "Thanks for..." "You have a daughter." "You know, sometimes being there is more important than being sober." "What the hell is this?" "You're going to rehab, Rachel." "Are you out of your mind?" "Ms Lewiston, we're doing this easy, or we're doing this hard." "Well, let's do it easy, then." "Screw you." "And screw you." "What..." "Ma'am, ma'am!" "Get your hands off of me!" "Get your... what are you doing?" "This is my house!" "What is this, dad?" "Daddy, make them stop!" "Rachel, I'm only..." "Daddy, make them take their hands off me!" "Get off of me!" "Get off of me!" "Let go!" "Let go of me!" "So..." "Have you been doing this for a long time?" "Just a few years." "It's just... you drive around, and you see people behaving so irresponsibly, so rudely." "You know, speeding and cutting people off, uh, running red lights, like there are no rules." "One, one time, I just pulled a guy over and straightened him out." "All I do is warn people." "I just want to help keep the public safe and, and law-abiding." "So you're like, uh, hall monitor for the world?" "But that has nothing to do with what happened between us." "That was real." "You're a special person, Denise." "Most women would be put off with the idea of dating a policeman." "You're not a policeman." "I will be your attorney, but that's all." "That, that's all." "I'll see you in court." "Whatever feelings you have for me now, you have to know..." "Where's Fiona?" "She's with me." "She's doing well." "I want to see her." "I'll bring her." "This person, this Brad Chase, is he a PI?" "Does he work for you?" "He's a lawyer who works for me." "Well, he's a lawyer in need of a lawyer." "I'm suing him." "On what grounds?" "Invasion of privacy, infliction of emotional distress." "My attorney made a whole list." "You have a lawyer." "Have you moved for a temporary restraining order?" "No." "She's allergic to soy, and wheat if she has too much." "Make sure to minimize sugar, no soft drinks." "Stay away from the processed foods." "I like to keep it organic." "There's a list of her favorite foods, her school, her friends for play dates, her pediatrician, there's numbers for each." "She functions best on routine, so stick to it." "You tell her..." "I'm in the hospital, you don't tell why, and bring her here." "Good-bye, dad." "Melissa, you could very well go to prison." "Yeah." "You'll visit me, right?" "You gonna make one of those really long speeches?" "They're so hot." "I can stand up and argue just about any case, but the long shots, of which this is one, are different." "Those I need to somehow believe in." "And unfortunately, what I believe here... is that you broke the law." "Well, then I guess between now and the time you jump up, you're gonna have to find something to believe in." "Why, Alan?" "That's all I'm gonna ask." "Why?" "Some people see things as they are and ask "why?"" "Others see things as they never were and claim mad cow." "Do you have any idea what would happen if all the little people stopped paying their taxes?" "The rich people would have to start paying theirs." "Exactly." "This is personal." "You're jeopardizing my loopholes." "What's this all about?" "Talk to me." "It's about civil disobedience, Denny." "It's about anarchy." "It's about..." "The girl." "I have a completely inexplicable, unwarranted, small but embarrassing crush on the girl." "That girl?" "She's... fruity chewing gum, shopping malls and sexy sweatpants and... whereas, I'm... not." "I have no intention of acting on it, nor do I regard it as anything more than a moment's passing fancy." "But as moments go..." "My head hurts." "Evidently, she is not challenging the commitment." "I don't know why." "Maybe she can't afford a lawyer." "Oh, she's got a lawyer." "She's suing you." "Me?" "I don't really think she has cause of action or..." "Paul, what is she suing me for?" "Brad, I apologize for putting you in the middle of all this." "But, well, as, uh, this plays out," "I would appreciate you protecting my relationship with her if you can." "What about my relationship with her?" "Do you have one?" "Well, not really." "I just don't like being the bad guy here." "Well... let's just try to repair this, for everybody's sake." "Especially hers." "I heard a rumor I was being sued." "Your father asked me to find out if his daughter was using drugs." "I didn't betray anyone's trust because at the time that I accepted his request," "I didn't know you." "Now as for the person I came to know..." "A person whose trust you cultivated." "I didn't betray her." "I told your father that I did not see you using," "I did not see an unfit parent, and I did not support his intervention." "What a guy." "I'm still suing." "No, you're not." "Because any action filed would put the department of social services on notice, and right now, everything is private, which is how you want it." "That's why you're not moving for a TRO." "You're not suing anybody." "I'm not moving for a restraining order because I belong here." "I'm a drug addict." "I'm staying here because I want to get well so I can get my daughter back." "You can go now." "Look, I'm sorry that everything..." "That makes it all better." "What wasn't a lie was how much I enjoyed meeting you." "I think..." "Well, as far as drug addicts go, you're a really nice person." "Well, that is so sweet." "Can I have 40 bucks?" "Drug addict humor." "Very good." "Tell my father to bring Fiona." "Docket number 4175, commonwealth vs Scott Warner." "One count, impersonating a police officer." "You've heard the charges before you." "How do you plead?" "Your honor, not..." "Guilty." "Your honor, that's, uh, not not guilty." "That's guilty." "What is going on?" "Your honor, if I may have a moment to confer with my client." "What are you..." "Denise, I have to do this." "Sir." "I believe in rules." "Scott..." "And as much as I hate to admit it, I broke the rules." "Mr Warner, do you realize that by pleading guilty you waive your constitutional rights and I may impose upon you any sentence, up to and including the maximum?" "I understand completely, your honor." "Fine." "The defendant is remanded until sentencing." "Well, I guess I'll see you in a few hours at the hearing." "It's a few hours too many as far as this fella goes." "I'm such a loser." "Clearly, she committed a crime." "She didn't pay her taxes." "The only question is, will you hold her accountable?" "Now, no doubt Mr Shore will try to paint her as some kind of activist hero." "But she is no hero, folks." "At a time when freedom has never been more precarious in this country, for her to refuse her civic and legal duty to pay her taxes while we have soldiers dying over there, this woman's deliberate action is as unpatriotic," "as un-American, as it is illegal." "This is the cut-and-run behavior of a coward." "Don't you dare declare her a hero." "When the weapons of mass destruction thing turned out not to be true," "I expected the American people to rise up." "Well, they didn't." "Then, when the Abu-Ghraib torture thing surfaced and it was revealed that our government participated in rendition, a practice where we kidnap people and turn them over to regimes who specialize in torture," "I was sure then, the American people would be heard from." "We stood mute." "Then came the news that we jailed thousands of so-called terrorist suspects, locked them up without the right to a trial or even the right to confront their accusers." "Certainly, we would never stand for that." "We did." "And now it's been discovered the executive branch has been conducting massive illegal domestic surveillance on its own citizens, you and me." "And I at least consoled myself that finally, finally, the American people will have had enough." "Evidently, we haven't." "In fact, if the people of this country have spoken, the message is," ""We're okay with it all"." "Torture, warrantless search and seizures, illegal wire tappings, prison without a fair trial, or any trial, war on false pretenses, we as a citizenry are apparently not offended." "There are no demonstrations on college campuses." "In fact, there's no clear indication that young people even seem to notice." "Well, Melissa Hughes noticed." "Now you might think, instead of withholding her taxes, she could've protested the old-fashioned way, made a placard and demonstrated at a presidential or vice presidential appearance." "But we've lost the right to that as well." "The secret service can now declare "free speech zones,"" "to contain, control and, in effect, criminalize protest." "Stop for a second and try to fathom that." "At a presidential rally, parade or appearance, if you have on a supportive T-shirt, you can be there." "If you're wearing or carrying something in protest, you can be removed." "This in the United States of America." "Is Melissa Hughes the only one embarrassed?" "Mr Shore, that's a chair for witnesses only." "The really long speeches make me so tired sometimes." "Please get out of the chair." "Actually, I'm sick and tired." "Get out of the chair." "And what I'm most sick and tired of... is how every time somebody disagrees with how the government is running things, he or she is labeled "un-American"." "Evidently, it's speech time." "And speech in this country is free, you hack." "Free for me, free for you, free for Melissa Hughes to stand up to her government and say, "stick it"." "Objection." "I object to government abusing its power to squash the constitutional freedoms of its citizenry." "And God forbid, anybody challenge it, they're smeared as being a heretic." "Melissa Hughes is an American." "Mr Shore, unless you have anything new and fresh to say, please sit down." "You've breached the decorum of my courtroom with all this hooting." "Last night, I went to bed with a book." "Not as much fun as a 29 year old, but the book contained a speech by Adlai Stevenson." "The year was 1952." "He said, "The tragedy of our day is the climate of fear in which we live,"" ""and fear breeds repression"." ""Too often, sinister threats to the Bill of Rights,"" ""to freedom of the mind, are concealed under the patriotic cloak of anticommunism"." "Today, it's the cloak of antiterrorism." "Stevenson also remarked," ""It's far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them"." "I know we are... all afraid." "But the Bill of Rights... we have to live up to that." "We simply must." "That's all Melissa Hughes was trying to say." "She was speaking for you." "I would ask you now to go back to that room and speak for her." "Before I hand down my sentence, does the defendant wish to say anything?" "Your honor, while impersonating an officer is a serious offense, my client's intentions were sound." "He never harmed anyone, and he has accepted full responsibility for what he's done." "He's also very contrite." "Thank you." "I hereby sentence Scott Warner to 600 hours of community service." "If I may be heard, your honor." "Scott..." "If it please the court, as you well know," "I have already performed 600 hours of community service while on patrol." "You must feel it yourself, your honor." "Our society, over the past decade, has become ruder and ruder, breaking rules, cursing, driving recklessly." "Some are calling it an epidemic." "And I believe, as do experts, that it is a symptom of the growing social isolation that we all feel." "Your honor, I'm just one guy out there asking people to be more courteous." "But what if this were utopia... and we all did it?" "Wouldn't that be something?" "I mean, wouldn't that be just great?" "Uh, so while I will gladly take any sentence you see fit as, as I respect you, your honor," "I would ask you to reconsider my sentence." "I will." "Three months in prison and 1,200 hours of community service." "That was a lovely moving speech." "Wait for me?" "Absolutely not." "If I were to appeal, would you handle it?" "Absolutely not." "So this is good-bye." "Definitely." "Okay." "That was assault." "Good-bye, Denise." "Will the defendant please rise?" "Mr Foreman, the jury has reached a unanimous verdict?" "Yeah, judge, guilty." "Wait till I ask you." "Now what say you?" "The suspense is killing me." "We, the jury, find the defendant Melissa Hughes, guilty as charged." "Right." "Ms Hughes, the jury has found you guilty of federal income tax evasion." "Permission to be heard on sentencing, judge." "Stop your hooting." "I'm in no mood for any more of your jibber-jabber." "The court fines Ms Hughes $1,000 and sentences her to 30 days in prison, suspended." "Adjourned." "30 days in prison?" "Suspended, Melissa." "Jibber-jabber gave you no jail time." "That's good." "It's very good." "Oh, honey." "Are you feeling better?" "I'm feeling much better." "Oh, it's so good to see you." "Are you coming home soon?" "I'm coming home real soon, honey." "How are you?" "Fine." "Grandpa gave me ice cream." "Uh, organic." "And grilled cheese." "Uh, whole grain." "And Brad played monkey with me." "Oh." "I bet he's a big ape." "Hey, you guys, will you, uh, give me and Fiona some special time?" "Sure." "Thank you." "Wave good-bye to the big ape." "Bye, big ape." "Oh, sweetheart." "Oh, honey." "Here we go." "Whoa!" "?" "Thank you." "You're quite welcome." "Maybe we should, um... celebrate over dinner." "Melissa... pay your taxes." "That's about as far as you should go." "She just kissed you?" "Is she coming over later to guard you against night terrors?" "No." "I told you I'm not gonna pursue it." "Why not?" "Are you depressed because you lost?" "I didn't lose." "She was found guilty." "She didn't get any jail time." "That's an empiric victory." "Suddenly you're in favor of emperors." "The truth is out." "That's all he wants to be, Alan." "An emperor." "Damn right." "You know what I miss most about our country, Denny?" "Not the loss of our civil rights so much as our compassion, our soul, our humility." "No, uh, uh, uh, uh." "Soul, that's a religious thing." "State, church." "It's unconstitutional for the United States to have a soul." "Apparently." "We seem to be becoming a mean people." "Learned Hand once said, "Liberty lies in our hearts,"" ""and once it dies there, no Constitution can save it"." "Just once I wish you'd quote a Republican." "I want a kinder and gentler nation." "Nothing quite so optimistic as a kiss from an idealistic girl." "Who the hell said that?" "I did." "It's strange, isn't it how love supersedes everything that goes wrong?" "I still remember the first time Bev... let me go porkeling." "That's like when you go snorkeling with your..." "I follow." "Sometimes, I close my eyes and I can still see her there." "Right there." "Love trumps all." "Love... trumps all."