"So here's what you missed on Glee:" "A gun went off at school and everyone was terrified, and Sue said it was hers and had to leave McKinley," "I'm ready to take my punishment." "But secretly she's just protecting Becky." "Emma, stop." "Stop." "Finn kissed Emma and then apologized to Will, I'm so sorry." "But Will never really forgave him so Finn went off to college to fulfill his dream of becoming a teacher. happening this season." "And Rachel got an audition to play Fanny Brice in a Broadway revival of Funny Girl, to fulfill her dream of playing Fanny Brice in a Broadway production of Funny Girl." "And that's what you missed on Glee." "FINN:" "The truth is, I decided to go to the Army after high school because I was kind of afraid of college." "Smart people go to college, like doctors." "The whole thing just seemed scarier than getting shot." "But now that I'm here at the University of Lima," "I wish I would've come sooner." "I'm studying to be a teacher, something I love, and that makes the work not feel like work." "♪ Con los terroristas" "♪" "♪ Then do the Harlem Shake" "And everywhere you go, even inside classrooms and study halls, people find a way to have fun." "♪ Con los terroristas." "(indistinct chatter) (lion growls)" "College is like this perfect little bubble between being a kid and being an adult." "♪ Con los terroristas" "♪" "♪ Then do the Harlem Shake" "(indistinct chatter, whooping)" "♪ Ey" "♪ Con los terroristas." "(lion growls)" "And I've got the rest of my li to be a grown-up." "♪ (cheering, whooping)" "And for now, it's okay to be young." "(lion growls)" "(cheering)" "Hey." "Get up." "(zipper opens)" "Puck!" "(shouts)" "What are you doing here?" "I live here now." "What?" "(shouts, chuckles)" "Which dorm?" "This one." "Like, right here." "Top bunk." "Wh-What happened to Lee Hei?" "Hei's no longer." "He moved out a couple hours ago." "I told him if he hoped to get any studying done this year, he should probably find another room." "I-I can't believe you're going here." "What are you taking?" "Taking?" "You mean, like, classes?" "Dude, I'm just here for my bro, some brews and the bountiful Bettys." "I love college!" "Yeah, college!" "(both shouting)" "RACHEL:" "Some dreams are bigger than others." "Me being on Broadway, that's a big dream." "Me being on Broadway in Funny Girl as Fanny Brice, inheriting the mantle of my idol," "Ms. Barbra Streisand, that's the culmination of every dream I've ever had." "Since its premiere in 1964, Funny Girl has never been revived on Broadway..." "no doubt because producers haven't been able to find an actress capable of filling Barbra's formidable shoes." "Luckily, I've been grooming myself for this audition since I was five, which is when I first saw Funny Girl in all its Technicolor glory." "I heard my dads use the phrase "star quality" before, but I never truly understood it until that moment." "I knew:" "I needed to be her." "From that point on, it's been all Barbra, all the time." "Witness my collection:" "A feather from Hello, Dolly!" ";" "A yarmulke from Yentl; a boxing glove from The Main Event;" "Signed Playbills; a picture of her first husband," "Mr. Elliott Gould;" "Her second husband," "Mr. James Brolin;" "And her paramour of two years, Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau." "But I'm not just approaching this audition as a fangirl." "I'm approaching this as a professional who has sworn off men and rededicated herself to the art of being Barbra." "Yes, it's a long shot." "Fanny Brice is the King Lear of musical theatre roles, and I'm just an unknown Jewish girl from Ohio, who came of the age in a high school glee club." "But then I remind myself," "Barbra, too, was once an unknown Jewish girl who sang in her high school choir." "And Funny Girl made her a star." "So why can't my dreams come true, too?" "Hello, gorgeous." "ROZ:" "Excuse my jet lag, I'm fresh off a plane from North Korea where I've been training their swim team with my assistant Dennis Rodman." "Do you like the new addition to my wardrobe?" "That's right." "I've taken over the Cheerios!" "From that Phantom Menace Sue Sylvester." "Someone with talent had to." "Did I also mention that I'm in talks with Miss Oprah Winfrey to launch my very own Cheerio!" "Network?" "Like George Jefferson, I'm movin' on up." "How is your delicate group of weirdos?" "Are they still rattled by that fake school shooting?" "That was a terrifying experience for those kids." "And the adults." "I'm still having nightmares." "Honey, please." "I'm a child of the ghetto." "I can't sleep at night unless I hear at least two gunshots." "Hey." "You get a chance to talk to Finn yet?" "No." "I'm not ready." "Will, come on." "You need to patch the hole in this fence so the squirrels don't escape." "People grow apart, Shannon." "That's life." "Th-There's nothing wrong with that." "That's what I thought about me and my sister, Denise." "We used to scrap like grizzlies in the Arctic, and then when all that stuff went down with Cooter, she helped me out, and we finally got to talkin'." "I'm more stubborn than anybody here... (chuckles) but I swallowed hard and made amends with her." "It was one of the best things I've ever done in my life." "Make the effort, Will." "It's worth it." "(school bell ringing)" "MARLEY:" "I, Marley Rose, have made a decision." "I took that false bottom out of my desk drawer, and I'm finally going to let my songs see the light of day." "I want to be like all those singer-songwriters." "I look up to:" "Joni Mitchell, Norah Jones, Chrissie Hynde." "I've been trying to bring it up with everyone, but ever since the gun went off in school, everyone's been acting strange." "It's like they've all got PTSD." "BRITTANY:" "They really want me to study string theory, but I'm not all that interested in arts and crafts." "Brittany's acting weird because M.I.T. found out about her S.A.T. score, and they're pressuring her for early commitment." "Isn't M.I.T in Europe?" "That would suck." "Hey, Tina." "Are you trying out a new look?" "It's called steampunk." "It's the next big thing." "Oh." "God, I love it." "(Australian accent):" "Oh, hey there." "You must, uh, be Marley." "Hi, Sam." "That's not Sam." "That's Sam's smarter twin brother, Evan." "Evan Evans." "What a pleasure to meet you." "Oh." "Phone's ringing." "Oh, it's my brother." "Oh, hey, Sam, I was actually just looking for you..." "So have you guys heard who's taking over the Cheerios!" "?" "Yeah, it's insane." "And it made me realize" "I have no idea whether I'm on the Cheerios!" "Or not." "Like, literally can't remember." "Hey, guys." "Have you seen Evan?" "You just missed him." "He went that way." "(groans)" "I think Sam might have a little separation anxiety, so he's pretending he has a twin." "And then... there's Unique." "Unique, what are you doing?" "Are those birth control pills?" "Shh!" "Don't blow a girl's cover." "Kitty hooked me up with a prescription for Loestrin, and I heard that two dolls a day will turn my Bs into Ds in no time." "Guys, have you..." "seen my twin?" "Oh!" "Getting a call." "Hold on." "Oh, hey." "Man, I was just looking for you!" "Unique, you cannot take birth control." "Why not?" "Trans kids everywhere are doing it." "All right, bro." "Well, I'll tell 'em you said hi." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Have fun at the zoo." "I've just got to build up the courage to tell everyone that I want us to perform one of my songs at regionals." "It would be a dream come true." "WILL:" "Big news, guys." "I just got a direct tweet from the Greater Midwest Regional." "High School Show Choir Board of Directors." "(light cheering)" "The theme for this year's regionals is..." "Sweaters." "...dreams." "(sighs) Close." "As you know, some of the past judges we've had haven't been that bright, or that sober, so our best bet is to take the dream theme literally." "We'll start out with "Dream Weaver"" "and then we'll segue into "Sweet Dreams"" "and we'll bring it home with "You Make My Dreams Come True."" "Okay." "Marley, you're frowning." "No." "I just don't know any of those songs." "Well, you'll know them soon enough because we're learning them today." "(clears throat) Maybe... could we try some original songs, like you did two years ago?" "Yeah, my twin brother Sam told me you guys totally crushed regionals two years ago with those sweet tunes." "Well, S... um, Evan, that was a different time and a different team." "Mr. Shue, could we at least talk about the set list?" "I mean, when Finn was here, we got to help..." "Do I have to remind you guys how lucky we are to even be at regionals?" "We're there on a technicality, which means there's absolutely no room for even the smallest of mistakes." "Trust me." "Anybody else have something they want to say?" "Great." "Brad, warm 'em up." "(school bell ringing) As honorary Rachel," "I would like to convene this secret meeting of the glee club." "Oh." "Sam's sorry he couldn't make it." "He said to tell every..." "Oh." "Just got a text." "He's here." "Oh, hey, Sam." "Hey, Evan." "How long are we gonna let him do this?" "Just let it go." "It's like waking a sleepwalker." "It might kill him." "Hey, guys." "Sorry I'm late." "What'd I miss?" "What you missed was Mr. Shue's set list." "It's gonna lose us regionals." "Oh, yeah, Evan was saying something about that." ""Dream Weaver." Great song, but it's from 1975." ""Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)." Amazing." "Released in 1982." ""You Make My Dreams Come True."" "Originally performed in 1981, and then performed again by the glee club in a mash-up that we did last year, which Mr. Shue didn't even remember." "He's completely lost touch." "We're screwed." "Can I get a witness?" "We need to do current songs, and if we do, I know we can win." "(clears throat) Uh, guys... can I say something?" "I wrote some songs." "What if we performed those?" "Please." "No one wants to hear a song about a fat mom." "Okay." "What about..." "Or a song about barfing." "But what about a song..." "Or a song about loving an octoroon." "BLAINE:" "All right, all right, all right, let's... let's get serious." "We need to start brainstorming." "We'll pick a new set list and then we'll break the news" "(bell ringing) to Mr. Shue." "(Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" playing)" "(students chanting):" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "(neck cracks)" "(knuckles crack)" "(cheering, whooping)" "(Puck shouts)" "(cheering, whooping)" "(sizzling)" "Excuse me, ladies." "Where are your tickets?" "Wait, we need tickets?" "Rules are rules." "Wait, wait, wait." "You both seem like really nice girls, and I don't want you to miss out on all the fun so I'm willing to make an exception just this once." "Oh, my God, you're such a sweetheart." "I am." "Mm." "Thing is, if I let you go for free and anybody hears about that, the whole system could collapse." "So I'm gonna need you to pay me with your bikini tops." "Okay." "Okay." "("Ride of the Valkyries" continues)" "Okay." "(cheering, whooping)" "Ah!" "Mr. Shue!" "Hey!" "Whoa..." "Welcome to Geneva Hall, aka Chez Puckerman." "Noah, I-I didn't know you were enrolled here." "Well, I'm not technically enrolled, but, you know, I'm just auditing a few classes." "Do you even know what that means?" "Got to go." "♪ Shing-a-ling ♪ ♪ Like I do" "♪ Nobody can do the ♪ Skate ♪" "♪ Like I do, nobody can do the" "♪ Boogaloo ♪ ♪ Like I do, nobody can do" "Looks like you're really having the college experience." "I hope you're finding time to make it to class." "You know, Mr. Shue, I don't need you to come into my house and tell me how to live my life." "You're right." "Look, I-I came here to apologize." "I was still stinging from what happened at the wedding and then when you told me about... kissing Emma," "I totally mishandled the situation." "And now I really see that we only have so many days, you know?" "I want you to come back and help me coach the glee club." "They need you." "I need you." "PUCK:" "Finn!" "I just got us invited to the Delta Kappa Chi frat party tonight." "It's supposed to be the biggest party of the year." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "(chuckles)" "I got to shave my hello giggles." "Good to see you, Mr. Shue." "Yeah." "Thanks, Puck." "Thanks, but no, thanks." "I'm not expecting things to just go back to normal right away." "I'm willing to work at this." "Well, I'm not." "There's just some things you can't come back from." "It's a nice offer, but as you can see," "I'm pretty busy with college." "(crowd chanting)" "♪ Like I do, nobody can do the ♪ (yelling)" "♪ Shake ♪ ♪ Like I do" "♪ Nobody can do the (cheering)" "♪ Boogaloo ♪ ♪ Like I do" "♪ Nobody can do the (cheering)" "♪ Philly ♪ ♪ Like I do... (cheering and whooping)" "(school bell ringing) All right, guys, let's get right into it." "And remember, the trick is the change in vocal quality from the smooth, sultry sounds of Gary Wright to the commanding tone of Annie Lennox, and then back to the poppy fun of Darryl Hall." "Uh, Mr. Shue?" "Um, we kind of got together as a group after you gave us these songs yesterday, and we came up with some... alternatives." "Why would you do that?" "Mm, you might need some woman parts to help you sell that." "I'll go get Evan." "Sam, sit down." "Honestly, I don't even know what's going on in this room anymore." "What happened to you guys?" "Openly defying me?" "Unique, you need to tone it down with the whole boob thing." "Sam, we all know you don't have a twin brother, and frankly, it's distracting." "And, Blaine, I am disappointed in you for allowing this to go on." "I'm sorry, but we're just trying to..." "No, what you were trying to do is not rehearsing the song list that I gave you, and that is unacceptable." "So here's what's going to happen." "I'm going to go to the teachers' lounge and get the coffee that I skipped to get here early, and when I get back in five minutes, you will be ready to rehearse... my songs." "Okay, so let's start with the Funny Girl classics." "I know them by heart." "But anyway, I just want to go over..." "I always seem to find you the piano, rehearsing." "Shelby." "Oh, my God, what are you doing here?" "!" "I'm trying to track you down." "I wanted to find you before your Funny Girl audition." "You found out about that?" "We're Facebook friends, Rachel." "You started posting as Barbra." "I noticed." "Look, I'm sorry, okay?" "I just felt... a little weird." "You know, I know that you have the same affection with Funny Girl as I do, and I just..." "You didn't want to remind me that I never got to play the role, and now it's too late?" "I love my life." "I do." "It's not the life that I always imagined I'd be living, but I have Beth, and I have this new Broadway Daycare business, and we're both in the same city now, so I get to see you a lot more." "I have no regrets." "In fact, as much as it was my dream to maybe study at a school like NYADA, and, um, perform songs like that on a Broadway stage..." "Shelby." "...my bigger, better dream now is to see my incredibly beautiful daughter perform those songs." "Just... not at your audition." "Honey, you can't do Barbra." "What?" "!" "No." "Fanny Brice is the most iconic role." "Okay, this is..." "this is the only way to do it." "Yeah, Hamlet's an iconic role, and it's been done differently and successfully by Laurence Olivier, Kenneth Branagh," "Richard Burton, Keanu Reeves..." "Okay, Hamlet is different." "This is Fanny." "Yes, and they cast Barbra as Fanny because she was one-of-a-kind." "She was an original." "If the producers are smart, they're not gonna be looking for some carbon copy." "They're gonna want a fresh interpretation, someone that can put their own stamp on the role." "Well, I've just been learning." "Barbra's entire repertoire, so..." "It's okay." "You have time." "We'll find something." "I'll help you." "This may not be 100% right, but maybe it will inspire you." "And any excuse to sing next to you." "(Emeli Sandé's "Next To Me" begins)" "♪ You won't find him drinking on the tables ♪" "♪ Rolling dice or staying out till 3:00 ♪" "♪ You won't ever find him being unfaithful ♪" "♪ You will find him" "♪ You'll find him next to me ♪" "♪ You won't find him trying to chase the devil ♪" "♪ For money, fame, for power, out of greed ♪" "♪ You won't ever find him where the rest go ♪" "♪ You will find him, you'll find him next to me ♪" "♪ Next to me ♪ Next to me" "BOTH (in harmony):" "♪ Oh, oh" "♪ Next to me ♪ Next to me" "♪ Oh, oh" "♪ Next to me ♪ Next to me" "♪ Oh, oh" "♪ Ooh, I will find him, I'll find him next to me ♪" "♪ When the end has come" "♪ And buildings falling down fast ♪" "♪ When we've spoilt the land and dried up all the sea ♪" "♪ When everyone has lost their heads around us ♪" "BOTH: ♪ You will find him, you'll find him next to me ♪" "♪ Next to me ♪ Next to me" "♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪ Oh, oh, next to me" "BOTH:" "♪ Ooh, ooh" "♪ Next to me, yeah" "♪ Oh, whoa-oh, whoa" "♪ You will find him, you'll find him ♪" "♪ Next to me" "♪ Next to me, yeah" "♪ Next to me" "BOTH:" "♪ Next to me, yeah, yeah" "♪ Next to me" "♪ Next to me" "BOTH:" "♪ Yeah, yeah" "BOTH: ♪ You will find him, you'll find him ♪" "♪ Next to me, yeah" "Kick it!" "(Beastie Boys' "Fight for Your Right To Party" begins)" "♪ You wake up late for school, man, you don't want to go ♪" "♪ You ask your mom, "Please," but she still says, "No!" ♪" "(groaning)" "♪ You missed two classes and no homework ♪" "(shouting)" "♪ But your teacher preaches class ♪" "♪ Like you're some kind of jerk ♪" "♪ You got to fight" "♪ For your right" "♪ To party" "♪ Your pops caught you smoking, man, he said, "No way" ♪" "♪ That hypocrite smokes two packs a day ♪" "♪ Man, living at home is such a drag ♪" "♪ Now your mom threw away your best porno mag ♪" "♪ Busted" "♪ You gotta fight" "♪ For your right" "♪ To party" "♪ You gotta fight" "♪ For your right" "♪ To party" "Yay!" "(cheering)" "♪ Par... ty" "♪ Par... ty" "♪ Part..." "Fight for your right!" "♪ ...ty." "(cheering)" "(laughing) Oh!" "Dude, that was awesome!" "Dudes." "Dudes, I'm Matt Cromley, house president." "This is Chip." "He's in charge of pledging." "You guys want us to pledge or something?" "Under normal circumstances, we'd ask you to pledge." "Then you'd have to go through a six-week hazing program." "But dudes, this is our biggest party of the year, and when the stereo broke, we all thought it was ruined." "CHIP:" "You saved our house and its honor and its position as top party house on campus." "Well, Puck and I... we do have musical training." "Glee club?" "That's awesome." "So, listen, even though you guys are apparently gay, we'd like to invite you to become brothers here." "No hazing or anything." "Just say yes, and you're in." "Yeah." "The sacred ritual of partying!" "Oh!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "(groaning and laughing)" "Man." "Whoa..." "Yeah!" "(cheering and yelling)" "(school bell ringing)" "I'm also naturally enhancing my breasts." "Every night, I rub them with cocoa butter," "Vitamin E and wild yams." "Yes, uh, has anybody, uh, seen Sam?" "Yeah, I think he's behind that curtain." "Sorry I'm late." "What's up, Marley?" "Brad?" "Uh, I wrote a song." "I don't know if it's any good." "I just..." "I want to hear it out loud." "And no, or bad Taylor Swift boyfriend drama." "It's about how much friends like you mean to me." "Lord, I am crying already." "(soft laughter)" "I just saw how upset you guys got after Mr. Shue yelled at us, and you three seemed to take the worst part of it." "So, I wrote this song to make you feel better, as corny as that sounds." "Will you sing it with me?" "No." "Just kidding." "Of course we would." "Hit it, dude." "(piano plays soft, gentle melody)" "♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh" "♪ We feel" "♪ We hear" "♪ Your pain" "♪ Your fear" "♪ But we're here" "♪ To say" "♪ Who you are" "♪ Is okay" "♪ And you don't have to go through this ♪" "♪ On your own" "♪ You're not" "♪ Alone" "♪ You have" "♪ More friends than you know" "♪ Some who surround you" "♪ Some you are destined to meet ♪" "♪ You'll have more love in your life ♪" "♪ Don't let go, give it time" "♪ Take it slow" "♪ Those who love you the most" "♪ May need more time to grow" "♪ It's gonna be okay" "♪ Gonna be okay ♪" "♪ You have more friends than you know ♪" "♪ Be who you are" "♪ Learn to forgive" "♪ It's not about who you love" "♪ But how ♪ But how" "♪ How you live How you live ♪" "♪ O-Oh" "♪ O-Oh" "♪ You" "♪ Have" "♪ More" "♪ Friends than you know" "♪ Than you know ♪some who" "♪ Surround you ♪ Yeah" "♪ Some you are destined to meet ♪" "♪ To meet" "♪ You have more ♪ More ♪" "♪ Love in your life" "♪ Don't let go" "♪ Give it time" "♪ Take it slow" "♪ Take it slow" "♪ Those who love you the most" "♪ May need more time to" "♪ Grow ♪ Grow ♪" "♪ Oh" "♪ It's gonna be okay" "♪ It's gonna be okay" "♪ You have" "♪ More friends" "♪ Than you" "♪ Know" "♪ It's gonna be okay." "BLAINE:" "Marley, that was incredible." "Child, it's the soundtrack to my life." "Do you have any more songs like these?" "Yeah, a couple." "Maybe we can meet up again and sing them." "No." "Forget that." "No, what we need to do is tell everyone." "We have to tell Mr. Shue about this." "MARLEY:" "No." "He made it pretty clear he's not interested." "(music playing, people chattering nearby)" "(phone ringing)" "(sighs)" "You're probably still pissed about Brody, so I'll start by saying that I'm sorry and that my hand still hurts." "His face has sharp edges." "Okay, I'm-I'm not..." "I'm not mad, I..." "Actually, I think I owe you a debt of gratitude." "Just, um... you know, I wish that you would've stayed and... hung around a little longer." "Next time, I promise." "So, how is college?" "It's a dream come true." "Parties with Puck..." "Puck?" "Puck is there?" "Yeah, he's here." "Long story, but... it's amazing." "Every night, we go out, we-we're meeting new people..." "Well, then, that sounds amazing." "I'm... it's really great." "I, uh, actually I just," "I needed to, um, to ask you something." "Let me guess:" "Funny Girl auditions." "I knew you'd remember." "Finn, I can't believe that this moment is happening, and I know that this is a long shot, but I need to find the most perfect song to sing, and-and-and no Barbra." "You're one of the most unique talents in the world." "You always shine your brightest when you do something personal, something intimately important that defines you." "So just do something that takes you back to the roots of your passion." "That's what people want to see, and that's what makes the best impression." "Make those producers fall in love with you in that moment on the stage." "And I know you have it in you." "(sighs)" "Wow." "Thank you, that was, uh... perfect advice." "You'll be great." "Can't wait to come to a show sometime." "Call me as soon as it's over, okay?" "I will." "(soprano singing aria)" "Thank you for... that." "(chuckles) We will let you know." "Thanks." "This is what you get for holding an open cattle call for Funny Girl." "Let me just put a little "yikes" next to her name." "Told you we should have made an offer to Miley Cyrus." "All right." "Let's just plow ahead, shall we?" "Rachel Berry, hit the stage, you're up." "(clears throat softly)" "Um... hi." "I'm Rachel Berry, and I'll be singing a classic." "(piano starts to play Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'")" "♪ Oh" "♪ Just a small town girl" "♪ Livin' in a lonely world" "♪ She took the midnight train" "♪ Going anywhere" "♪ Just a city boy" "♪ Born and raised in South Detroit ♪" "♪ He took the midnight train" "♪ Going anywhere" "♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do ♪" "♪ Do, do, do, do, da-da, da-da, da-da ♪" "♪ A singer in a smoky room" "♪ A smell of wine and cheap perfume ♪" "♪ For a smile they can share the night ♪" "♪ It goes on and on and on and on ♪" "♪ Strangers waiting ♪ Strangers waiting ♪" "♪ Ba, da ♪" "♪ Up and down the boulevard ♪ Ba, da ♪" "♪ Their shadows" "♪ Searching in the ♪ Searching ♪" "♪ Ba, da ♪ ♪ Night" "♪ Ba, da ♪" "♪ Oh, streetlights ♪ Streetlights ♪" "♪ People ♪ People ♪" "♪ Ba, da ♪ ♪ Livin'" "♪ Just to find emotion" "♪ Hiding ♪ Hiding ♪" "♪ Somewhere ♪ Somewhere ♪" "♪ In the night ♪ Somewhere ♪" "♪ In the night ♪" "(guitar solo)" "♪ Oh, whoa" "♪ Don't stop ♪ Don't stop ♪" "♪ Believin' ♪ Believin' ♪" "♪ Hold onto that feeling" "♪ Streetlights ♪ Streetlights ♪" "♪ People ♪ People ♪" "♪ Oh, oh ♪" "♪ Don't stop believin' ♪ Don't stop believin' ♪" "♪ Hold on" "♪ Streetlights people ♪ Streetlights people ♪" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh" "♪ Don't stop." "♪ Don't stop. ♪" "WOMAN:" "Well, thank you, Ms...." "Berry." "That was something... quite different." "Sorry." "What?" "Rachel." "Suddenly, something happened to you in the middle of the song." "What was going on there?" "I was thinking about my friends." "Um, how I wouldn't be the person I am today, standing in front of you, doing what I'm doing right now if they hadn't shown me that I could." "If they hadn't believed in me." "Thank you." "(grunts)" "(sniffs) Dude..." "Dude, yourself." "What the hell is this?" "(grunts)" "Uh, it's from my sociology prof." "Guess I missed another test." "No biggie." "Crap, what time is it?" "I'm late to play Frolf with that Cromley guy." "Dude, it is a biggie." "It's a very biggie." "Isn't that class one of your requirements for your teaching major?" "Don't worry, I'm gonna pass that class." "The... the final's worth, like, 60% of the grade." "I'll just cram and ace it." "Is that your dream?" "To barely skate through school and become a mediocre teacher?" "Wait, since when do you care about school so much, man?" "You're not even in school." "Dude." "This isn't high school anymore." "It's not just about potential." "This is the real casaba." "So you're a crappy high school student." "Who cares?" "But if you're a crappy teacher, that means something." "(sighs)" "Look." "This has been awesome." "I'm having the time of my life." "And doing it with my best bud is a dream come true." "But last night, I was in bed with three chicks, and I was thinking, "What is this all about for you, Puckerman?"" "So, what'd you come up with?" "I want to show all of 'em." "Everyone who ever crossed the street when I came down the sidewalk or didn't call on me in class 'cause they just assumed I'd fart my answer, or told me I'd be pumping gas someday that we are worth something." "That we are more than they say we are." "(sighs)" "I'm not saying we need to stop having a good time, but partying this hard, skipping out on tests, that's their vision of who we are." "Doesn't have to be ours." "So what are you gonna do, like, enroll here now?" "I still think school's for suckers, but I'm gonna stay here and write my screenplay and be on your ass" "24-7 to make sure that you become the best teacher that you can be." "We've always known we were special." "This is our chance to prove it." "Yeah." "(warbles) Ew." "(laughs) Get to work." "I'll grab the iron and make us some grilled cheeses." "(groans)" "(school bell rings)" "Mm." "You wanted to see us, Coach?" "Yes." "Come on in and have a seat." "It is my understanding that I have inherited you as co-captains of the Cheerios!" "And by looking at the two of you right now, that makes me extremely suspicious." "Suspicious?" "Why?" "Oh, I understand why." "Coach Sylvester's daughter Robin is here." "Sue Sylvester is as old as the hills, so when she gave birth to her fully grown," "16-year-old baby with Down syndrome, it was a miracle, and she wanted to bring her to school every day and show her off." "You're the one that makes me suspicious," "Fruity Fonzie." "You ain't never done a cheerleading routine in your life, but somehow you get." "Sue Sylvester to make you co-captain of the Cheerios!" ", and then, three weeks later, out of nowhere," "Sue Sylvester gets fired." "That makes me real suspicious." "That makes me think that you used your handsome fruity voodoo powers and put a hex on her that caused her to bring a gun to school for no reason and get real clumsy so she drops it twice and it goes off both times." "That sounds like some dark-sided, fruity voodoo stuff to me." "But that didn't really happen!" "Blaine had nothing to do with it!" "How do you know?" "Were you there?" "No." "Exactly." "So here's the deal... if you want to stay on board as co-captain of the Cheerios!" ", you're gonna have to take a blood oath and loyalty pledge." "What?" "A blood oath?" "Is-is that even safe?" "Probably not." "So we'll just take the oath." "Repeat after me." "I, Fruity Fonzie and adult baby Robin..." "BOTH:" "I, Fruity Fonzie and adult baby Robin do solemnly swear..." "BOTH:." "..do solemnly swear to never put a hex on Coach Roz Washington." "To never To never hex on Coach Roz Washington." "To..." "on Coach Roz Washington." "Causing her to bring a gun to school so she gets real clumsy and drops it and it goes off twice in a row." "BOTH:" "Causing her to bring a gun to school so she gets real clumsy and drops it so it goes off twice in a row." "So help me God." "BOTH:" "So help me God." "You are free to go." "(bell ringing)" "Becky, wait up." "Hurry up, I'm gonna be late for calculus." "Becky, um, you were acting particularly strange in there just now." "Do you know something I don't about what happened with Coach Sue?" "Mind your own gay business, gay Blaine." "I don't know anything!" "(groans)" "(groans)" "(distance cheering and applause) (sighs)" "(cheering and applause continues)" "(cheering and applause stops) FINN:" "Mr. Shue?" "You were right." "About what?" "(chuckles)" "Me." "N-Needing to get my focus back." "So I-I talked to the Dean of Students about your offer, and she said she's willing to give me college credit for all the time that I spend here helping out." "Is that your way of saying apology accepted?" "That's my way of saying I'm willing to come back." "But if I do, things have got to be different." "No more fetching your coffee or picking up your dry cleaning." "I mean, I don't want to come back to be a gopher." "It's got to be a partnership." "I want to be treated like an equal." "Like a... like a teacher." "And then you bring your best and I bring my best and we go get another trophy." "That all seems fair." "But I also have a condition." "Let's just move past this." "Right." "(bell ringing) Looking good, Unique." "(chuckles) You, too, Tina." "Very Jules Verne." "Hey, Blaine." "Sam." "I'm Evan." "Sam moved to Alaska." "Oh." "Well-well, tell him he's welcome back anytime." "(sighs)" "So... just about 20 years ago," "I was sitting right where you are now." "I was co-captain of the soccer team with a forehead full of acne and a dream of being the next Vanilla Ice. (Chuckles)" "And standing right here was Mrs. Adler." "She constantly mumbled to herself and she stuffed used Kleenex up her sleeves." "We all were convinced that she was crazy." "But you know what?" "That's why we loved her... because we were crazy, too." "This is the room that always felt like home." "Maybe because we knew Lillian Adler loved music almost as much as she loved us." "And that's how I feel about you." "Every one of you." "And-and I'm sorry if I made any of you feel like you don't have a voice in this room." "You do." "And I know someone else who does, too." "(snaps fingers) ARTIE:" "My man!" "(laughter, cheering)" "Finn and I are gonna be working together as a team." "Equal partners." "And we are not gonna eat, sleep or breathe until you've blasted through regionals and earned your rightful spot at nationals." "Yes!" "Yes!" "(cheering and applause)" "All right, down to business." "Marley, you're up." "Okay." "I haven't quite memorized "Dream Weaver" yet, but I think I have "Sweet Dreams." Didn't I tell you?" "Those are out." "I want you to teach us one of your original songs." "If that's okay." "I'd love that." "So shall it be written!" "So shall it be done!" "(cheering and applause)" "(metallic creaking)" "So, what is Broadway Daycare exactly?" "(sighs) All the show people who have kids... while they're rehearsing or performing... they send them to Shelby's studio and she teaches them, like, dance routines and songs and plays theatre games with them." "It's like Fame for toddlers." "Well, no news is good news, right?" "Cookie?" "At this point, if I haven't heard anything..." "Life goes on." "You know, Fanny was just a dream. at the Pasadena Playhouse, and..." "I don't know..." "I think." "Johanna could be a good role for me." "Do you regret not doing Barbra for the audition?" "No way." "Honestly, something so special and something magical happened in that room, and if those producers are too... narrow-minded or star-obsessed... (phone vibrating)" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God, it's a number I don't recognize." "What do I do?" "What do I do?" "Uh, ans-ans-answer it." "Answer it." "Yes, yes, yes." "Pick it up?" "Okay." "Hello?" "Uh, yes, this is she." "Uh, yeah, of-of cour..." "of course." "Yes." "Yes." "Thank you so much." "Thank you." "That was..." "one of the producers." "And?" "And I got a callback for Fanny!" "(laughing) I got a callback!" "(excited chattering)" "♪ Who's to say ♪" "♪ Who's not okay?" "♪" "♪ The breakaways ♪" "♪ Will outlast, will outlast ♪" "♪ Sticks and stones ♪" "♪ Will break these bones ♪" "♪ They're just some drones ♪" "♪ To get past, I'll get past ♪" "♪ Feeling downcast ♪ ♪ You're feeling ♪" "♪ Like an outcast ♪ ♪ Like an outcast ♪" "♪ Underdogs it's time to ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪" "♪ It's time to bite back ♪" "♪ We are, we are, we are ♪" "♪ Stronger from every scar ♪" "♪ Brighter than any star ♪" "♪ We're the outcast ♪" "♪ Ou-Ou-Outcast ♪" "♪ There's nothing you can say ♪" "♪ To blow our dreams away ♪" "♪ We rise above the fray ♪" "♪ We're the outcast ♪" "♪ Ou-Ou-Outcast ♪" "♪ I'd rather be outrageous than ♪" "♪ Just another dull cliché again ♪" "♪ I'd rather be a rainbow than ♪" "♪ Just some shade of gray ♪" "♪ We are, we are, we are ♪" "♪ Stronger from every scar ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪" "♪ Brighter than any star ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪" "♪ The outcast ♪" "♪ The outcast ♪" "♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪" "♪ Whoa, whoa ♪" "♪ Stronger from every scar ♪" "♪ The outcast, ou-ou-outcast ♪ ♪ Outcast ♪" "♪ Outcast ♪ ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪" "♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Oh ♪" "♪ Brighter than any star ♪ ♪ Oh ♪" "♪ We're the outcast, ou-ou-outcast ♪ ♪ The outcast ♪" "♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪" "♪ Whoa, whoa ♪" "♪ We are, we are, we are ♪" "♪ The outcast, ou-ou-outcast. ♪"