"Here's the situation." "Your parents went away on vacation." "They left the keys to the brand new Porsche." "Would they mind?" "Of course not." "Thank you, thank you." "Just a little something I know." " So what's up?" " Someone is on fire in Ramsett park." "They need you to get down there right away." "Oh, my God." "I've been spending the summer doing a lot of zoo promotions." "Parrots live a very long time, so we had a birthday party for a parrot that turned 60." "Chimpanzees are very smart, so we had them graduate from college." "And they like to fling their feces, so we hoped they'd fling their hats, but they..." "they just flung their feces." "The Pawnee zoo recently purchased two South African black-footed penguins," "Tux and Flipper." "And as part of our zoo promotion, we gonna give them a marriage ceremony... because they mate for life." "Tux... do you take Flipper to be your lawfully wedded wife?" "I do." "I do." "By the power vested in me from the department of Parks and Recreation," "I now pronounce you husband and wife." "Okay, well at least they're married." "Are they making babies?" "No, not those two." "Those are both boy penguins." "Sorry?" "Tux and Flipper are both boys." "So you should have pronounced them husband and husband, technically." "That's awesome." "Still... you couldn't have asked for better weather." "You big sandwich eater." "Cut it out now." "Just to be clear, that was a friend punch." "There was no flirtatious meaning behind that playful punch I gave your arm." "I do understand." "You've made it abundantly clear that there's no romantic element to our relationship in any way." "Good." "Isn't it good to be able to horse around like this as friends?" " It is..." " Yeah." "I really hit rock bottom that night." "And I mean that I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock." "I remember laying there, thinking," ""There's probably a good reason why I'm down here..." ""and single. "" "And then I started thinking that I need morphine." "I hear you made two male penguins very happy today." "You're making history." "I like that, sticking your neck out." "I didn't stick my neck out." "It was an accident." "Out of the mainstream, that's cool." " I'm in the mainstream." " I know." " Not out of it." " Social activism." "People in this town don't really like government employees being activists." "Last year, a garbage man was suspended for wearing a livestrong bracelet." "Some guy who owns a gay bar sent you a cake." "Pawnee has a gay bar?" "The Bulge." "It's behind my house." "The Bulge is a gay bar?" "The nights I've wasted there." ""Leslie, hey girrrrrrrrl. "" "With eight "r"s." ""Thank you for supporting the gay marriage." "You rock!" "The boys at the Bulge. "" "They thought that was a political gesture?" "Nobody eat that cake." "Tom, step into my office." " That's also my office." " Whatever." " I know that you are not gay." " I'm not." " But you're effeminate." " What?" "You're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it." " Yes, 'cause it was featured in Details magazine and it's awesome." "Effeminate." "Anyway, so the point is... do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement?" "Yes, the statement was that you're very lonely, and you need a pet." "They sent you t-shirts too." "Look they sent us a t-shirt." "Mine has a collar on it." "There she is." "This is my boyfriend, Derek, and this is Derek's boyfriend, Ben." "Wait, sorry." "What's the situation?" " What do you mean?" " How does this work?" "Derek is gay." "But he's straight for me, but he's gay for Ben, and Ben's gay for Derek." "And I hate ben." "It's not that complicated." "Yeah." "Sure." "The thing about youth culture is I don't understand it." " So what can I do for you guys?" " They just really wanted to meet you, because you're kinda like their hero now." "Please, it was just penguins." "I'm a public servant, and I can't take a political stance." "But you did, and it was awesome." "None of the other politicians ever take a stand, and it means a lot to the gay community." "It does." "And we're gonna have this party tomorrow night at the Bulge, and we had something to ask you." "We really want you to be the guest of honor." "Oh, my!" " It'd be amazing if you came." " Yeah, you have to come." " Who made this?" " We did." " How?" " Photoshop." " What?" " Computers." "Why are you all dolled up?" "It's a long story." "I'm the guest of honor at this gay bar." "I guess gay men are starting to like me." "I don't know, they think I'm fabulous or something." "You look good, girl." "You gonna turn somebody tonight." "That was, hands down, the best interaction" "I've ever had with Donna." "This is Marcia Langman from the Society for Family Stability Foundation." " Hello." "I love your top." " Thank you so much." "I was hoping you had a moment to discuss the events at the zoo yesterday." "Well, I have nothing to do with this, so..." "What can I do for you and those fine people at... the SFSF?" "Well... you could resign." "If you're up for it." "You're serious?" "When you performed a marriage for gay penguins using taxpayer money on government property, you were symbolically taking a stand in favor of the gay marriage agenda." "I'm sorry, but hold on a second there." "Marcia, that was not my intention at all." "Why else would you marry penguins?" "Because I firmly believed that it would be cute." "And it was." "Are you married?" "Not yet, Marcia." "Soon." "Probably." "I have a plan, but not..." "no, not now." "Not dating anyone yet." "Focusing on my career, but..." "I thought so." "So you couldn't possibly understand." "But when gays marry, it ruins marriage for the rest of us." "So either you annul the wedding or I'll publicly ask for your resignation." "You know what?" "I'm terrible with directions." "If I'm heading to the parking," " do I make a left, or I go right?" " Left." " You're welcome." " Annul the wedding!" "I'm supposed to meet Leslie for lunch, but she actually works, so..." "Mark was brought to my hospital the night of the accident." "He was here for a week." "I think when his head hit the ground it must've knocked something loose, because he's actually a pretty nice guy now." "And Andy, after we broke up, he told me he was going to Kansas to climb mountains." "So, I don't..." "I don't really know where he is." "Have you seen that documentary about food yet?" "No, I haven't." "But I heard it's really good." "I want to see it." "We should go together." "What?" "I don't..." "I don't think so." "That would be like a date." "Say no more." "I hate salad." "I don't want to ever keep secrets from you." "Me neither." "Let's invent our own secret language that only we understand, and then we can use it around people and no one will know what we'resaying." "But in the meantime, I'm just gonna tell you in English," "Mark kind of asked me out." "He weirdly asked me to go see a movie with him." "And I said no, of course." "But I just..." "I just wanted to let you know." "I'm feeling a lot of confusing things right now." "No, of course you are." "And your friendship is the most important thing to me." "And he's off-limits." "Thank you." "I was really serious about that secret language." "I know." "I can't believe this is a gay bar." "Especially with that heterosexual cowboy greeting us on the way in." "Where should I drink now?" "There's a bar called Pitchers and Catchers." "You can go there." "Here's the plan." "Our position is we have no position." "So let's say thank you for the party, but we regretfully decline your offer to honor me." "I can't believe you came." " It's Leslie Knope!" " Leslie Knope, you're my hero." "Nice." " You are looking hot." " Really?" "Thank you, Ben!" "I'm really enjoying this hug." "It's so nice, but I need to tell you something." " This one is on us." " Well, if it's free." "She's Leslie Knope and she wants to recruit you." "Oh, my." "Okay, please... gentlemen, first of all..." "I would like to say thank you so much for throwing me this party." "Especially on a night when the Colts are playing." "We love you, Leslie!" "This is green." "I wanted to tell you that I wasn't really trying to take a stand when I married those... penguins." "You're chanting my name." "I just have one thing to say." "Together we can change Pawnee forever!" "Let's dance!" "Leslie Knope's in the building, y'all." "Let's get wild!" " I've seen so many dudes from city hall here tonight, it's crazy." "But I guess they've seen me here too." "So, that's not great." "I got your text, is everything okay?" "They're having a party in my honor." "Go to the bar." "If you're my friend, you can drink for free." "And maybe next time, don't use the words "medical emergency. "" "I'm so glad you're here!" " I'm really sober." " Okay, I'll get you a drink." "You know why tonight's fun?" "'cause everyone's so gay." "And they know how to have fun, and the dancing!" "Just... it's everyone is just who they are, and who they are is just stone-cold gay." "I'm having such a nice time." "I've met many interesting people." "And there's two bisexual guys here, and I got both of their phone numbers." "All morning." "Have fun last night?" "I had three drinks named after me, so that's pretty fun." "Plus, Ben and Derek are taking me shopping on Saturday." "And we're gonna find out my actual bra size." "I guess I'm kind of like queen of the gays." "Bully for you." "I just got a phone call." "They want you to go on Pawnee Today." "That's huge!" "What's the topic?" "That Marcia from the family thing is calling for your resignation." "You gotta go on and defend yourself." "Why?" "I haven't even officially taken a stand on gay marriage." "That's funny, somebody just told me you were queen of the gays." "That was me." "Pawnee Today, with Joan Callamezzo." "It's kind of like the Meet The Press of our town." "It's the big time." "I know, it is." "I'm nervous." "I just wish I was here under different circumstances." "Guess who!" "Megan Fox?" "One of the Desperate Housewives?" "Joan Callamezzo." "What's up?" "Good to see you!" "Tom comes all the time." "Joan loves him." "You have the softest skin of any woman in Pawnee." "I wish you could reach from your TV screen and just touch Joan's skin for a second." "That's sweet." "You're pretty soft yourself." " How are your kids doing?" " They're pretty good." "Is it tough for them to have a mother that is so beautiful?" "What's it like being the most attractive?" "Keep up those funnies." "I'll have to invite you over for supper." "I'll have to come over for supper." "You well seem." "My God!" "Ann Perkins." "How you doing?" "I'm good." "How was mountain climbing?" "What?" "Can I come in?" "I wanted to talk to you for a second." "Sure." "We have a controversial topic today." "The gay penguin marriage at the Pawnee Zoo." "So Marcia, what is all the fuss about?" "The fuss is that Miss Knope claimed that she was not advocating for this gay cause." "And then that very night, she was the guest of honor at a pro-gay marriage rally at a bar called The Bulge." "How do you respond?" "I'd first like to say that I wasn't trying to advocate for anyone." "I did not know that both of the penguins were males, and I was just trying to perform a cute, fun ceremony to promote our local zoo." "I have to say that that stunt that you did with the penguins was clearly over the line." "What if anything can Miss Knope do to make it right?" " We don't want to be unreasonable." " Of course not." "We think that she should separate the penguins, annul the marriage, reimburse the taxpayers for the cost of the wedding, of course." "And then resign." "Is that it?" " That would do it." " Anything else?" "Want me to jump off a building?" "Perform Harry Caray?" "Move to a different town." "No, I kid." "Full of ideas today." "This is the reason why people don't go into politics." "Because I bust my ass for the people in this city, and I can't win." "I have one night of fun with some of the best dancers I've ever danced with, and suddenly everybody's freaking out?" "Look at that!" "We're lighting up here." "Good, great, let's go for it." "Bring it on." "How does this work?" " There, you press that one..." " You're on the air." "I think that lady should resign." "Good, thank you." "Next caller." "You should resign and repay your salary." "Two for resign." "Thank you, next caller." "I just want to say that I love the zoo and the zoo is really fun." "Thank you." "That's really sweet." "And I think you should resign." "You look great." "You look amazing." "Thanks." "You look fancy." "Yeah." "The monkey suit." "It cost 3,000 bucks, but totally worth it." "I sold out." "I got a boring office job in town, so I gotta dress up." "You know, the grind." "But I'm really happy, and I really feel like I've matured... a lot." "Good, that's..." "I'm happy for you." "I was sitting in the cubicle the other day, doing some thinking, some growing..." " And some maturing." " Yes, maturing." "Darn it if I don't just miss you." "And... "a"- cakes, just let me..." "I love you, and..." "I'm sorry for the way I treated you." "I was the worst boyfriend ever." "I know that." "And I..." "I think it would behoove us to give it another shot." "Yeah, look..." "I'm really happy for you about your job and that you've learned some new words, but I'm sure about my decision." "OK." "Say no more." "Listen, hit me up on my cell phone." "I'll be around." "And if you wanna talk or grab coffee," " or something like that, OK?" " OK." "Gotta get back to the office." " Have a good one." "Good seeing you." " Bye." "The hardest part about living in this pit?" "It's probably keeping my suit pressed." "And the rats." "It's like a freakin' rat parade every night." "I just want to be close to her house because I need to protect her." "'cause there are some weird people that live around here." "If you let penguins get married, where does it end?" "I mean, would you let me marry my guinea pig?" "Because I want to marry my guinea pig." "I'll take my answer off the air." " That's a valuable point." " Attendance is up 30% at the zoo." "You're welcome!" "And that penguin wedding was cute." "And I'm not gonna annul it." "I'd ask you to reconsider." "Well, I'd ask you to stop asking me." "Because It's not gonna happen, Marcia" " Is that right?" " Last time I checked, I don't think..." "I murdered anyone, or had an affair, or did drugs!" "But I apologize." "I apologize for having fun and for making something cute." " Where are you from originally?" " What did I do?" " So you will not be annulling..." " No, I will not be annulling." "Look at them." "They're just in their own little... penguin love bubble." "That's what it's like when you meet your mate and know you're gonna be together." "You know what I realized?" "We're just animals." "We don't know anything about love." "You should go with Mark." "Really, I thought about it." "Look, he might not be my gay penguin, but he could be yours." "Look, I told you, I'm not going on a date with him." "If you don't wanna go out with him, don't." "But don't do it because of me." "I'm fine with it." "All that's important is we're friends." " Me too." " Good, great." "Plus, I already called and told him that you were dying to go out, have fun." "So I transferred the penguins to a zoo in Iowa." "Gay marriage is legal there, so hopefully they'll be happy." "At least they'll be together." "Look!" "Six Flags!" "I should take them on a water slide." "They might die." "But it would be so cute!"