"Toro!" "Toro!" "Toro!" "Toro!" "Toro!" "Toro!" " Whose idea was this, anyway?" " They're gaining on us." "Andale!" "Andale!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Whoa!" "He's after me!" "Phil!" " Whoa!" " Whoa!" "Jesus!" "Ed!" "Go, Mitch!" "Stay, bull." "Stay, bull." "Stay, bull!" "Stop following me!" "Please!" "Does he know what he's doing?" "Has he any idea what he's doing?" "Cause you know I can't talk to 'im." "Ow." "Relax." "He's doing a beautiful job." "Sir!" "El doctor." "Hello!" "Don't sew up anything that's supposed to remain open, okay?" "Si." "What, are you taking pictures, Phil?" "Are you kiddin'?" "This is a Kodak moment." "Now, smile." "Oh, good." "Blind him with the flash." "Phil, let the man keep what's left of his dignity, please." " "Dignity." This is all your fault, Ed." " My fault?" "Yeah." "Cause you're a macho lunatic." "Phil and I are sheep." "We're not sheep." "We are sheep." "We do every stupid thing he asks!" "I didn't make you run." "No, it was a 2,000-pound rampaging animal spraying bull snot all over Spain." "That's what made me run." "You made me stand in front of it." "Come on, guys." "Group shot." "I got a big "I told you so" coming from Barbara in this." "Maybe she won't notice." "Honey, want a pillow?" "It's a long flight." "No, thanks." "Come on, it's not that bad." "I look like your mother." "Here comes Mr Bull." "Kim, baby, do you want the aisle seat or the window seat?" "Cause whichever you want makes me happy." "I don't care." "Good, then take the window." "I wanna talk to Mitch." "Okay." " Be right back." " Miss me." "Admit it, pal." "You had fun." "No." "Scuba diving is fun." "I mean that's normal." "People do that." "Baseball fantasy camp, until Phil threw up on Willie Mays, was fabulous." " I was nervous." "He was my idol." " Well, I'll never forget Willie's face." ""Say, hey, that's lunch on me."" " Phil." "I'm standing." " Yes, dear." "Can't wait to get out of this country." "You know, maybe it's just me, but I think our little adventures lately are becoming... stupid." "You know?" "What did you call them?" ""Desperate attempt to cling to your youth"?" "Yeah, that." " That's bullshit." " Bullshit?" "Ed, have you noticed the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get?" "Soon, you'll be dating sperm." " I'm back." " Okay." "I've just one more thing to say." " Target parachute jumping." " Ed!" "Now, it's a smaller parachute, but you're traveling twice as fast." "Great!" "When they find your body, they can bury it in a sucrets box." " Phil said he'd go." " Phil wants to die." "I mean, if you were married to that, you'd wanna die too." "Look at 'im." "He's pretending to be asleep so he doesn't have to talk to her." "It's a couple of little jumps from a plane." "And then what?" "We go on safari, only the animals have guns and they hunt us?" " Forget about it." " It's never enough for you, Ed." " I'm reading." " When's it ever gonna be enough?" "Hi, mom." "It's September 8th, 1952." "We're driving back from your aunt Marsha." "My water breaks." "Your father jumps the divider of the sawmill River parkway and races me to Doctors' Hospital and... at 5.16, out you came." "Ohh..." "Happy birthday, darling." " Here's your father." " Hello, boy." "Happy birthday." " Hi, dad, how are you?" " I'm losing feeling in my left leg." " Here's your mother." " Don't worry." "He's fine." "So, what are you gonna do now, birthday boy?" "Well, I thought I'd lie here another three and a half hours, and then go to work." " Is Barbara with you?" " No, she's working the streets." "She likes to have breakfast with her pimp." "She should be in around 7.30." " Hi, mom." " Give my boy a kiss." "I can't believe my baby's 39 years old." "Bye, mom." "Oh... bye." "Angel, birthday boy." "Happy birthday." "Well, at least she said my age in years." "Usually, she uses months, like I'm still an infant." ""How's Mitch?" "Oh, good." "He's 468 months today."" "Wow." "I look a year older, hm?" "Do I look a year older to you?" "Honey, at 5.15, everybody looks a year older." " Do you know what I found yesterday?" " Hm?" " Hair in my ear." " Mitch." "I'm losing hair where I want hair, and getting one where it shouldn't be hair." "I found four big fat ones on my back." "I'm startin' to look like the fly." "That's it." "I'm canceling your birthday party." " Why?" " Cause your birthdays depress you." " No, they don't." " Oh, Mitch." "On your 30th birthday, you said you couldn't see." "And then, on your 34th birthday, you forgot my name for an hour." "And last year, when I asked you what you wanted, you said a CAT scan." " I had a headache." " This year, let's just let it pass." " I wanna see my friends." " All right." "But I don't want people coming over here thinking they're in a Bergman film." ""You've met my husband, Mr. Death?"" " I'll be good." " Yeah?" "Cause I don't need you any worse than you've been." " Wait a second." "What does that mean?" " Nothing." ""Nothing." Great." "Got a minute?" "Hi." "Only if a few minutes." "I have career day at Danny's school, so, I-I..." "Yeah, it'll just take a second." "What is it?" "* Pizza Guy, Pizza Guy" " So?" " So." "So, it's stupid." "It's annoying." " It makes people change the station." " I didn't write it." "But you bought it." "You put it on the air three times a night during drive time." "People are having accidents." "You used to go out and get advertising." "You hustled." "You were creative." "Something bad came in, you fixed it." "You rewrote it." "You worked with it." "My God, we used to make fun of guys who bought crap like this." "What's going on with you?" "Did you ever reach a point in your life... where you say to yourself" ""This is the best I'm ever gonna look, the best I'm ever gonna feel, the best I'm ever gonna do, and it ain't that great"?" " Happy birthday." " Thank you." "Look, uh, I'm the station manager." "I'm... responsible... for the quality of work here at the station, so, till further notice, I have to insist on personally approving all the new spots." "What?" "I can't make a deal without checking with you first?" "Just till you get back on track." "So, we're doin' this job on 60th and 3rd, big friggin' ballbreaker of a job, right?" "And we got the area roped off, you know, so that some schmuck don't walk through there and take a wrecking' ball between the eyes." "All of a sudden, this woman, you know, with the big, dark glasses, the Bloomingdale bags, she starts walkin' right through the ropes." "I yelled down at her "Hey, you can't go there, you stupid bitch!"" "And suddenly, this big steam fitting bursts and this enormous goddamn crane crashes right down on her legs, and she's screaming "My legs!" "My legs!"" "And I say "No shit, your legs." "You got a 2,000-pound goddamn crane on 'em."" "Now, do you know how, in an emergency, you can get like superhuman strength?" "Huh?" "I reach down and I lift this crane and Ernesto's able to slide her out from under, and the doctors were able to save her legs!" "So the moral is... don't walk where you're not supposed to walk because there may not be somebody with superhuman strength to save your little ass." "And don't do drugs." "That's it." "Thank you, Mr. Morelli." "That was... very descriptive." "Daniel, would you introduce your father, please, and tell us what he does?" "My dad's named Mitch and he's... he's a submarine commander." "Danny." "He works for WBLM radio." "Well, like, uh, Danny said, I work for WBLM radio." " Are you a disc jockey?" " No, I'm not a disc jockey." "You know the commercials that are on the radio?" "Do you make all those commercials?" "No." "Other people make the commercials." "I sell them time, on our station, for the commercials to be on." "So, you decide which commercials to use and when." "That's right." "Well, no, it's not right." "It used to be right." "Seems now that I even have to... check with the station manager if I wanna wipe my nose." "The minute he took away my authority, I shoulda quit." " Mr. Robbins?" " What?" "Value this time in your life, kids." "This is the time in your life when you still have your choices." "It goes by so fast." "When you're a teenager, you think you can do anything, and you do." "Your 20s are a blur. 30s, you raise your family, you make a little money, you think to yourself "What happened to my 20s?"" "40s, you grow a little pot belly, you grow another chin." "The music starts to get too loud." "One of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother." "50s, you have a minor surgery." "You'll call it a "procedure", but it's a surgery." "60s, you'll have a major surgery." "The music is still loud, but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway." "70s, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale." "Start eating dinner at two o'clock in the afternoon, have lunch around ten, breakfast the night before..." "You spend most of your time wandering around malls, looking for the ultimate soft yoghurt and muttering "How come the kids don't call?"" ""How come the kids don't call?"" "The 80s, you'll have a major stroke." "You end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse your wife can't stand but who you call "momma"." "Any questions?" "Danny was embarrassed to tell the class what my job is." "They're nine!" "They get excited about the guy who gives them change at the arcade." "You just happen to have one of those jobs that's difficult to believe that a grown man does without losing his mind." "Well, what is my job?" "I mean, I sell advertising time on the radio." "So, basically, I sell air." "At least my father was an upholsterer." "He made a sofa, a coach you can sit on." "Something tangible." "What can I point to?" "Where's my work?" "It's air." "I sell air." "Well, so, so, what are you saying?" "You wanna quit?" "How can I quit?" "I'm trapped." "You're trapped?" "Yeah." "The other day, you said you wanna send Holly" " to a performing arts school." " Well, she's got talent." "Talent..." "She was in one play, and she fell off the stage." "That's not talent, that's gravity." "And that school costs money." " Bye." " Bye." " Where are you going?" " I'm sleeping at Gwen's, down the hall." "Again?" "Are you paying rent there?" " Dad." " We're having a birthday party." "I don't wanna sit around with your friends." "I told her it'd be all right." "We'll have a family party tomorrow." " Bye, dad." " Bye." " Happy birthday." " Thank you." "Wait, let me show you how I pop my shoulder." "Danny." "Dan." "Come on." "Come on." "He's in the gifted program at school." "Come on, go to sleep, huh?" "Kim, you poor thing." "What has married life done to you?" "I mean, you look like hell!" "Six months." "Admit it." "You didn't think Ed would ever get married." "Well, he met the right woman." "And how often are you meeting that woman?" "You're lucky it's your birthday, pal." "Excuse me, I see one of the guests is stealing." "Your husband is so cute." "You must laugh all day." "Yeah." "My sides hurt." "We saw a picture of you in a newspaper in your underwear." "Oh, that was an advertisement." "I sometimes model ladies' underwear." " You looked great." " Mom..." "You said "Let's see how she looks after having two kids."" "Daniel, time to go to bed." "We'll wake you for your wedding." "Phil." "Psst." "Hello." "You're pretending to sleep at my birthday party." "She around?" "She's in the kitchen." "This is quite a life you've carved out for yourself, Phil." "Phil!" "Phil!" "We're leaving." "We haven't had cake." "He hasn't even opened his presents yet." "Phil, you have to open the store at 4.30." "Daddy's counting on you." "15 more minutes?" "Starting now." "4.30 in the morning?" "Hey, you know, you manage a supermarket, that's when the food arrives." "Don't you have an assistant or a kid or somethin'?" "Arlene's father likes me to do it." ""No free rides, Philly boy." "No free rides."" "I'm tellin' you, they got me by the balls." "She's got one, he's got the other." "Do you ever think about quitting?" "Yeah, sure." "Right." "That's just what I wanna do." "Start over, with two kids to take care of?" "No." "At this age, where you are... you are." " Hey, look who's awake." " Look, I have got 14 minutes, okay?" " So, can we give him the present?" " Yeah." "What you get me?" "Two weeks." "The three of us." "New Mexico." "Driving cattle." " What?" "Like in a truck?" " No, no!" "Cowboys." "It's a real old-fashioned cattle drive." "We drive the herd from New Mexico to Colorado." "You can do this?" "We ride, we roll, we sleep out under the stars." " Show 'im the brochure." " It's fantastic, Mitch." "It's the newest thing." "People do this!" "It's great!" "Wow." "Look at this." " Real horses!" " Does look good." ""Good"?" "It's great." "Cowboys." "It's what you always wanted to be." " Remember Mitchy the Kid?" " Right!" "Mitchy the Kid!" "And it's right when your vacation comes." "We've been planning it for weeks." "I can't do it." "Why?" "We're going to Florida to visit Barbara's parents." " What, are you sick?" " No, it's planned already." "I-I promised." "I worked every weekend for a year to get this." "What's with you these days?" "Nothing." "You know, nothing." "It's just, I..." "You know, I don't wanna disappoint Barbara." "Who is that?" "I know nine people and they're all here." "Excuse me." " Hi." " Um, is Mr. Phil Berquist here?" "Can I get you something..." "Mr. Berquist, your housekeeper told me where you were." "I'm in trouble." "Oh, what-what are you doing here, Nancy?" "Who-who's on register nine?" " I don't know what to do." " Rumaki?" "I don't think this is the time or the place to talk about this." "I'm late." " What?" " I missed my period." "Oops!" " What?" " I was at work and on my break and I took one of those home pregnancy tests from aisle 11." " The ones on special?" " Yes!" "And it came out blue." "Why is she telling you this..." "Phil?" "Because I'm-I'm-I'm her boss and-and..." "we-we have a health plan." "Son of a bitch!" "You screwed this little girl in my father's store?" " Oh, no, no!" " It was in his car!" "Oh, Jesus!" "And I'm not a little girl." "I'm 20." "Get out of this house, you little whore." "Hey!" "I will not permit you to talk to her that way." "Fine." " I'll tell my father what you did." " No!" "Do not call Mr. Levine." "Hey!" "Put down that phone!" "Put it down!" "No!" "No!" " That's my phone!" " You're crazy!" "That's right." "Not having sex for 12 years will do that to a person!" "Come on, you two stop it." "Come on, not in front of your friends." "I'm not afraid of you!" "I'll call from the bedroom!" "The bedroom?" "How the hell would you know where the bedroom is?" " I'm calling!" " Go ahead." "I'm sure he's home." "It's his night to meet with the other escaped Nazis." " I hate you!" " I hate you more!" "If hate were people, I'd be China!" "Let's bring out the cake." "Good party." "Mitch." "Is that what you've been trying to tell me?" "That you feel like Phil?" " Like Phil?" " Yeah, am I gonna be sittin' here some night and some... checkout girl" " comes here looking for you?" " No, no, of course not." "I know you're not happy here." "You're not happy at work." "I know how men think." ""I'm not happy here." "I'm not happy there." "I'll be happy... here."" "No." "You make me happy... here." "No." " No, I make you feel trapped." " No, you don't." "It's not you." "Well, how do you think that makes me feel when I hear you say that?" "I didn't mean you." "It's me." "I..." "I just feel lost." "Kim was telling me about this cattle drive thing." "Oh." " Maybe you should go." " What about Florida?" "You'll be miserable in Florida." "You'll make me miserable." " You hate my parents." " I don't hate your parents." "Come on, Mitch, you have known my father since you were 18 years old and you've never called him by his name." "What is his name?" "It's a joke." "I was just joking." "Look, I said I'm gonna go and I'm gonna go." "You don't understand what I'm saying." "I'm not saying it's all right if you don't wanna come with us." "I'm saying I don't want you to come." "Go away with Ed." "Take Phil." "I am giving you these two weeks." "It's my present." "Go and find your smile." "What if I can't?" "We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it." "My ass hurts just watching this." "Are you kidding?" "This is fantastic!" " I wonder if I could do that to Arlene?" " Phil, forget about it already." "I could do it." "You've seen her ears." " They must be the other guests." " I wish you hadn't worn this jacket." "Why not?" "Why, look at this." "It's got your name and your picture on it." " It's a little grotesque." " I'm proud of what I do." "So's the president." "He doesn't wear his picture on a suit." "Hi." "You guys guests here?" "Yeah." "We just got in, though." "I'm Mitch Robbins." " Ed Furillo." "I sell sporting goods." " Show him your jacket." "Yeah, I'm Phil Berquist." "I committed adultery." "Lost my job and my family." " His jacket's being made." " Ha, ha, ha, yeah." "I-I'm Ben Jessup and this is my son, Steve Jessup." " Where you from?" " Baltimore." " We have a dental practice there." " Really?" "You're both dentists?" "Yes." "We're black and we're dentists." "Let's not make an issue out of it." "Uh, they're not making an issue." "You're making an issue." " Hi." " Hello." " Isn't this great?" " We're Ira and Barry Shalowitz." " Ira and Barry, that's like the ice cream." " No, that's-that's us." " We make Ira and Barry's ice cream." " Really?" "I love that ice cream." "But on the commercials, it's-it's a different Ira and Barry." "It's two..." " Good-looking guys." " Models." "If it was us, could you eat?" "Who is that?" "Hi." "I'm Bonnie Rayburn." "Actually, I was supposed to meet somebody here but I got the message at the airport that she's not coming and..." "I'm feeling really out of place." "I'm thinking of leaving." "No, no, stay." "You know, when I was alive, I would have found her attractive." "Howdy." "I'm Clay Stone and... this is my wife, Millie." " How do." " Howdy." "Welcome to the Stone ranch." "Believe it or not, that work you saw a while ago... y'all are gonna be doin' that the next two weeks." "Ya-hoo!" " That's a good "yahoo", son." " Thank you." "Now, this ranch has been in my family for five generations." "And we've always tried to live out here by the code of the Old West." "If you came out here thinkin' this is a dude ranch," "I hate to disappoint you." "This is not pretend." "This is a real working ranch." "We've gotta move these animals from here to our ranch in Colorado." "This is gonna be great." "You may feel like a bunch of pigs on roller skates for a while, we're gonna be watchin' you." "We're gonna see how you sit a horse." "And in a few days, you'll be rounding' up a herd and goin' after strays." "And you're gonna be in some country that's just as pretty as heaven." "Here's some of the folks you'll be working with." "This is TR and Jeff." "They're both professional cowboys." "And our trail boss will be in in a couple o' days." "And this is the best dog-gone Western chef goin'." "Cookie!" "Hook up!" "Tell 'em what they're gonna eat." "You ain't gonna be gettin' no nouveau almondine thin crust bottled water, sauteed city food." "Food's brown, hot... and plenty of it." "It's not that bad!" "Hey, listen!" "We're gonna go to work in the mornin'." "And I mean work." "You came out here city slickers." "You're gonna go home cowboys." "What do you think?" "I think you look like one of the "Village People"." "I'll take that shirt too." "Excuse me." "Here, boy." "Here, boy!" "You did it again!" "Boy, you're gettin' great." "See?" "There's nothin' to it." "Okay." "Good." "You'll do it this time." "It's wrist, wrist, wrist, go." " Okay." " That's it." "Wrist, wrist, wrist, go." " Will you stop kidding' around?" " I'm not kiddin' around." "I can't get this." "I'm not good with ropes." "I can't even take the string off a bakery box." " This time, run!" " Okay." "Ya-hoo!" "Whoa!" "Everyone can do it but you." "It's embrrassing." "It's not a competition, Ed." "Everything's a competition." "Life's a competition." "Come on, try it again." " How's it goin'?" " O-okay." "Where have you been?" "Oh, I was... watching 'em castrate a horse." "Well, I'm hungry." "How 'bout you, hm?" " Can I help you with that?" " No, thanks." "I think I'm gettin' it." "Are you?" "Are you gettin' it?" " See this?" "See what's goin' on?" " I'll take the big one." "Wait, wait, wait, wait a second." "We are guests here." "What, are you gonna wrestle the cowboys?" "I'm not gonna do nothin'." "Wait, wait, wait." "Hey." "Let me handle this, okay?" "You know how you get." "It'll be High Noon." "Come on." "Let me help you out." "Look, just leave me alone." "I can't, you see." "I'm in love." "Hi, boys." "How are you?" "You know, I was just ropin' over there." "Thought I'd... mosey on over." "You know, I've never moseyed before." "Hope I did it correctly." "I mean, I've walked, I've ambled." "I even sashayed once." "But that was in front of the draft board." "Hello!" "Rough corral." " Bonnie, wanna... come rope with us?" " Naw, it's all right." "I think that Bonnie's talking with us, friend." "She's fine right here." "Guys, what are you doing, huh?" "This isn't exactly 90's behavior, I gotta be honest with you." " You stepped on my foot." " He did not, you horse's ass." " Ed." " You want a piece o' this?" " Any time, Zeke." " How about right now, Stubby?" "Fine." "This man owes you an apology." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean anything by that." " Not you." "Him." " Him." "Of course." "No." "God, I'm sorry, ma'am." "That'll never happen again." "Yes, see that it doesn't." "I'm sorry, I thought we were on the same..." "You're doin' fine." "You guys were drinking." "Don't let it happen again." "Ma'am." "Did you see that guy?" "That is the toughest man I've ever seen in my life." "Did you see how leathery he was?" "He was like a saddlebag with eyes." "Listen, it took a lot of courage to do what you did." "Thank you." "I'm married." "You're wrong, Ed." "I'm tellin' you." "It was not a stupid thing to say." "It was." "She says "Thanks" and you say "I'm married"?" "Yeah." "I don't want any... false flirtings." ""False flirtings"?" "What if you're like me?" "What if you don't encourage them and they still come after you you?" "It doesn't happen." "See, women need a reason to have sex." "Men just need a place." " Good night." "I'm going to bed." " Good night." "Sleep tight." " That was flirting." " No." "That was politeness." "That was "Have a pleasant and restful evening."" "No." "That was "I like your ass." "Could I wear it as a hat?"" "Say, uh..." "Phil was tellin' us you had a little trouble with Jeff and TR." "Yeah, they were giving Bonnie a hard time." "Yeah, but he took care of it." "What made it worse was the trail boss comes over..." "Curly?" "His name is Curly?" "Perfect." "You know what the cook said about 'im?" "Said he killed a man in a knife fight." "He said he slit him from neck to nuts." "I'm not happy about this." "This guy's a cowboy." "One of the last real men." "He's untamed." "A mustang." "We're trained ponies." "It'll do us good to be in his world a while." ""Do us good"?" "He was hanging the help." "He was helping us." "This guy is not normal, I'm tellin' you." "Did you see his eyes?" "He's got crazy eyes." "He's a lunatic." "I'm tellin' you, we are going into the wilderness being led by a lunatic." "He's behind me, isn't 'e?" " Time to turn in." " Good night." "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean anything by that." "I crap bigger than you." "He's gonna kill me." "Watch it!" "Excuse me." "Whoo." " Whoa!" " Great!" "You are riding so much better." "Thanks." "I-I just talked to, uh..." "Nancy." " Who's Nancy?" " She's the, uh... the girl." "Oh, the, uh... the girl." " She's not pregnant." " Really?" " Well, that's good, isn't it?" " For her." "What does it mean?" "You know what I think?" "Out there are all the answers." "No, Ed." "Out there... are cows, and plenty of 'em." "We're gonna go 200 miles with a big, moving stink." "Okay." "You guys are probably too young to remember this, but when I was a kid, I remember seeing a movie called "Red River"." " Oh, I've seen it on TV." " But not in the movie theatre." "The big screen, with John Wayne and Montgomery Clift." "You remember the scene, it was the start of the cattle drive?" " Dad..." " No, no, son." "That's why we're here." " The "yee-ha" scene?" " The "yee-ha" scene." "Before they took the cattle out, those cowboys waved their hats in the air and yelled "Yee-ha!"" " What do you say to that?" " All right!" "Move 'em out." " Yee-ha!" " Yee-ha!" " Ya-hoo!" " Ya-hoo!" "Ya-hoo!" "Yee-ha." " Yee-haa!" " Yee-ha!" " Yee-ha!" " Yee-ha!" "Yee-ha!" " Feel like a schmuck?" " Oh, yeah." "Big schmuck, yeah." "Yee-haa!" "We'll see you in Colorado." "Hey, look, a stray." "You take 'im, Mitch." "No, it's the first one." "You get him, Ed." "No, no, it's the first one, Let-let Phil have 'im." "No, no, I'll get the next one." "Look, you get this one." "I'll get the next one." "You sure?" "I mean, it's gonna be funny." "No, no, you get this one." "I'll get the next one." "Then Ed, then you..." "Like a round-around robin kind of thing?" "That's good, yeah." " All right, so who gets this one?" " You." "Oh, I?" "!" "Sure." " Come on." "Go!" " Out of shoot N0.9!" "Hey!" "Go, Mitchy!" "No, no." "No, no!" "Don't go back there." "No!" "Think I can't see you behind there?" "Hello!" "Come on, now." "Here we go." "Come on, now." "Here we go." "Come on." "It's like chasing a mime." "Yee-ha, cowboy!" " All right!" " All right, Mitchy!" "Ohh!" "I did it!" "All right!" "Uh-oh." "Hey, moonwalk!" "I'd like to thank everybody and God for helping me get my stray in." "Let's go, boy." "All right, all right." "Come back." "Come back." "Come back." "All right, now, easy on the clutch." "Cut the wheel!" "Cut it, cut it, cut it!" "That's it." "Straight back and park and lock it." "You got the keys, sir?" "How long you gonna be?" "Whoo!" "I wish the kids coulda seen that." "Then-then dump it into the personal, and then make out the cheque." "Why are we telling him this way?" "He's our accountant." "Why are we telling you this way?" "You're our accountant." " No, don't..." "Just get a Mets score." " Arnold, I'm losing you." "We're going behind a butte." "Arnold?" "Arnold, what's the Mets score?" "The Mets..." "I..." "I lost 'im." "Boy, that saddle's havin' all the fun." "You have, like, half-track mind." "You wouldn't like to screw her brains out?" "Lovely image." "It ranks right up there with my other favourite of yours:" ""Bang the shit outta her."" "I'm sorry if I offended your delicate sensibilities." "I know that you was staring at her pretty good." "That's different." " Different?" " Yeah." "Look." "I go to an art gallery, right?" "And I see a Picasso." " Oh, she's a Picasso now?" " No, she's not a Picasso." "If she was a Picasso, she'd have three tits." "What I'm saying is, if I see a nice painting," "I look at it, but I don't pull it off the wall." "Let me ask you this." "What if you could have great sex with someone very attractive... and Barbara would never find out?" "It's a big trap." "I mean, look what happened to Phil." "The girl came to his house, then she came to my house." "Yeah." "Let's say a spaceship lands." "Good, reality." "Are you listening to this?" "A spaceship lands and the most beautiful woman you ever saw gets out." "And all she wants to do is have the greatest sex in the universe with you." "Could happen." "And the second it's over, she flies away for eternity." "No one will ever know." "You're telling me you wouldn't do it?" "No." "It is just what you describing actually happened to my cousin Ronald." "And his wife did find out about it at the beauty parlor." " They know everything there." " Forget about it." "Come on, Ed, what I'm saying is... it wouldn't make it all right if-if Barbara didn't know." " Pay attention, girls." "We got strays." " Hi, Curly." "Kill anyone today?" "Day ain't over yet." "I wonder what Barbara's doin'." "You really with just one woman for 15 years?" "Just one?" "Yes, Ed." "I'm married." "I caught my limit." "Why are you after me about this?" "Let's say..." "all your life, for breakfast, you're eating from the Kellogg's variety pack." "And a spaceship lands." "No." "And then you don't get the variety pack." "You pick one, your favourite one, and you just get that one from then on." "Every day for the rest of your life, the same cereal." "And then you wake up one morning..." "and you're just not hungry any more." "You can't get an erection." "Hey, pal!" "I can get an erection any time I want." "Watch." "Ed, please, don't." "Come on, leave the stallion in the corral." "You'll knock me into the fire, okay?" "See, here's the thing." " Kim wants to have kids." " And you don't?" "I tell 'er it's because we wouldn't have as much fun." "We heard a mile, but that's not the reason." "Having a kid, that's... heavy." "That's a real commitment." "That's saying I'm... never gonna be with another woman for the rest of my life." "Wait a minute, let me get this straight." "I have no life." "We're all agreed on that, right?" " Right." " Right." "Okay." "And your big problem is that you're married to this gorgeous 24-year-old underwear model, who thinks that the sun rises and sets in your pants, and that's not enough for you?" " You don't understand." " No, I don't understand." " I don't wanna screw around on Kim." " So, don't." "Oh." "From the king of restraint." " What's that mean?" " It means that's pretty smug advice comin' from a man who mounted an 18-year-old checkout girl on the day-old bread rack." " She's 20, and shut up." " Let me get you hot, Phil." ""I need a price, register nine." "I need a price"" " Cut it out." " Guys..." "What'd you use for protection?" "Paper or plastic?" " Come on!" "Come on!" " We're on vacation!" " You're spooking' the cattle." " We were just foolin' around." "See you tomorrow." "Sun up." " Morning." " Hi." " You done with that?" " Yeah, help yourself." "See, mom, we're keepin' clean." "It's cold... but I'm a real pioneer man." " Morning." " Good morning." "Come on, guys." "You're sorry, you're sorry." "Let's make up, huh?" "All right." " My fault." " Naw, it's all right." "Gotta celebrate." "I got a special treat." "I'm gonna make fresh coffee." "Battery-operated." "Instantly grinds its own beans." "Only 19.95." " Come on, why live like animals?" " That's great." "Yeah." "All right." "The first cup's gonna be for my good friend Phil." "When we were kids, he used to let me watch his sister undress." "I never forgot it, Phil..." "cause I still do it." "Okay." "Wow." "Something's spooking' the cattle." "Look, look, look." "The cows are going away." " Wow, look at 'em go." " That is amazing." " Stampede!" " We gotta get 'em." "Whoa!" " Beautiful." "Get that in the frame." " Okay, I got it." "I'm gonna die." "I'm gonna die." "Oh, God!" "They're comin' at us!" " Come on!" " Hold on, hold on, hold on!" "Bonnie, there's a stampede... in your tent." "City folk." "I'm sorry." "I mean, I was... just tryin' to make a cup of coffee." "That's all." "It was..." "it was French roast." "There's still a few head missing'." "Must have gone into that canyon while I was gettin' the others." " TR and I'll get 'em." " No, I'll get 'em... with you." " Me?" " Yeah." " You're comin' with me." " Just the two of us?" "You move the herd." "I'll catch up." " You mean, we'll catch up." " Let's go." "Bye." "Curly, did I ever show you pictures of my wife and kids?" "I'm their sole support, you know." " Is he gonna be all right?" " Sure." "Curly's just tryin' to scare 'im." "You know Mitch." "He's a... he's a wise ass." "If anything happens to him..." "I'm going after Barbara." "Throw a rope on this 'un so we can go after the others." "Rope 'im." "I-I'm not good at it." "I have a roping disability." "Be right with you." "Jesus Christ." "Hey." "See, I'm good at this part." "Throw it!" "You know what just occurred to me?" "Roping is stupid." "This is a cow, not a gazelle." "Watch." "Get off the horse, huh?" "Then... you walk up to the cow." "Look how good this is working." "Then you say "Hi, Bob Vila for This Old Herd." "We're gonna rope you today."" "Then you take Mr. Loop and put it around the head of..." "Mr. Cow." "Now, what's wrong with that?" " That!" " I'm on vacation!" " Is that it?" " That's it." " What are we doing?" " Making camp." "Too late to catch up with the herd before dark." "We'll catch up tomorrow." "You mean we're gonna..." "sleep out here?" "Just, uh..." "That's right." "Oh, God." "It's "Deliverance"." "Getting ready to shave?" "You make a lot of... smart remarks at my expense, don't you?" "I'm joking." "I do with everybody." "It's just my way." "I don't understand that way." "Put that away." "I said..." "put that away." "Hey, you know, the first time I tried to talk to you, you embarrassed me." "So, I teased you a little bit, which maybe I shouldn't have done." "So I'm sorry." "But now you're sittin' over there playin' with your knife, tryin' to frighten me... which you're doin' a good job..." "But if you're gonna kill me..." "get on with it." "If not, shut the hell up." "I'm on vacation." "Do you know any show tunes?" "And the second it's over, she's gonna get back into her spaceship and fly away for eternity." " Would you do it?" " Is she a redhead?" "Could be." "I like redheads." " You ever been married?" " Naw." "You ever been in love?" "Once..." "I was drivin' a herd across the Panhandle." " Texas." " Mm-hm." "Passed near this little dirt farm round about sundown." "Out in the field was this... young woman... workin' down in the dirt." "Just about then, she stood up to stretch her back." "She was wearin' a little cotton dress, and... the setting' sun was right behind her... showing the shape that God had give her." "What happened?" "I just... turned around and rode away." "Why?" "I figured it wasn't gonna get any better than that." "Yeah, but you could've been, you know... with her." "I been with lots of women." "Yeah, but, you know, she could've been the love of your life." "She is." "That's great." "That's... not great." "No, that's wrong, Curly." "You passed up something that might have been terrific." " My choice." " I never could have done that." "That's your choice." "A cowboy leads a different kind of life." "When there were cowboys." "We're a dyin' breed." "Still means somethin' to me, though." "In a couple o' days, we'll move this herd across the river... drive 'em through the valley..." "There's nothin' like bringing' in a herd." "See, now that's great." "Your life makes sense to you." "What's so funny?" "You city folk, you worry about a lot of shit, Mitch." "Shit?" "My wife basically told me she doesn't want me around." "Is she a redhead?" " I'm-I'm just saying..." " How old are you?" " 38." " 39." "Y'all come up here about the same age." "Same problems." "Spend about 50 weeks a year gettin' knots in your rope and then.. then you think two weeks up here'll untie 'em for ya." "None of you get it." "Do you know what the secret of life is?" "No." "What?" " This." " Your finger?" "One thing." "Just one thing." "You stick to that and everything else don't mean shit." "That's great, but... what's the one thing?" "That's what you gotta figure out." "Oh, damn it!" "Come on!" " What's the matter?" "What's goin' on?" " This cow's having a baby." "I noticed it when we found her." "I was hopin' she'd make it through the drive, but... she's ready." "Does she do it herself?" "Or do you help her?" "I'll hold her down." "You deliver the calf." "Excuse me?" "Hello?" "Why don't I hold her down?" "You don't know how." "She'll kick you and kill you, and her and the calf." " That's too much for me to carry back." " I see your point." "Come on." "She's ready." " I..." " She's bursting'!" "Oh, God." "There's gonna be bursting?" "Just reach in and pull out the calf." "Ooh." "You know, this was not in the brochure." "She needs help, goddamn it!" "What's taking so long?" "Do you see the head?" "Ugh." " I only see a tail." " Oh, shit." "It's turned the wrong way." "Get it out." "Uh-oh." " My watch came off." " Now!" " It was a gift!" " Do it!" "Come on." " Oh, Jesus." " Look what I did!" "I made a cow." "This is unbelievable." "This is amazing." "He looks like you." "Look at 'im." "Yeah." "Get up." "Oh, shit." "Look." "Look at this." "He's walking already." "He's a genius." "He gets that from my side of the family." "We all walk very early." "I'm gonna name 'im Norman." "You know, cause years ago..." " Why did you do that?" " She was dyin'." "And she was sufferin'." "We saved the calf." "Good job, cowboy." "There you go, Norman." "That was it." "You are only down a quart." "That's really wonderful." "You got 'im to drink from the bottle." "Yeah, thank God, cause my nipples were killing me." "What do you think?" "What would be the perfect flavor with this meal?" " Cherry vanilla?" " No." "If it was Chinese food, right on the money, but this... toasted almonds." "What's goin' on?" "Barry can pick out the exact right flavor of ice cream to follow any meal." "Go ahead." "Challenge 'im." " "Challenge 'im"?" " C'mon." "Franks and beans." "Scoop o' chocolate, scoop of vanilla." "Don't waste my time." "Come on." "Push me." " Sea bass." " Grilled?" " Sauteed." " I'm with ya." "Potatoes au gratin." "Asparagus." "Rum raisin." "Woof!" "Woof what?" "How do you know he's right?" "How do we know?" "1400 retail outlets across the country." "That's how we know." "Woof!" "Will you stop with Roberto Clemente?" "Henry Aaron was the greatest right fielder of our generation." "Could he run like Clemente?" "Could he flow like Clemente?" "Look, I'm gonna say one thing to you, okay?" "755 home runs." "Goodbye." "Hey, Clemente was killed in a plane crash." "What, you're gonna blame that on Aaron?" "No." "I'm not blamin', I'm just sayin'." " Oh, baseball." " You got something against baseball?" "It's just I used to live with a guy who was like a baseball encyclopaedia." "And I just got flashes." "And you broke up with him cause of baseball?" "Uh, no." "We had different needs." "I needed him to treat me decently and get a job, and he needed to empty my bank account and leave." "Ouch." " So, do you hate baseball?" " No, I like baseball." "I just never understood how you guys can spend so much time discussing it." "I mean, I've been to games, but..." "I don't memorize who played third base for Pittsburgh in... 1960." "Don Hoak." " Beat you." " See, that's exactly what I mean." "So, what do you and your friends talk about... out there?" "Well... real life." "Relationships..." "Are they working, are they not?" "Who's she seeing." "Is that working?" " No contest." "We win." " Why?" "Honey, if that were as interesting as baseball... they'd have cards for it and sell it with gum." "Ed, I see by the sun it's time for you to hibernate again." "You're right, I suppose." "I-I mean, I guess it is childish, but, uh, when I was about 18 and my dad and I couldn't communicate about anything at all... we-we could still talk about baseball." "Now, that-that was real." "You know what the secret of life is?" "It's this." "One thing." "Just one thing." " And what's that?" " I have no idea." "But ask Curly cause he seems to know." " Curly knows the secret of life?" " Yeah." "I'm gonna invite him over." "I mean, he's a very interesting guy, you'll see." "I'm sure he is." "Hey, Curly." "Curly?" "Curl, you got a minute?" "He is a real cowboy." "He sleeps with his eyes open so he can still watch the herd." "Curl." "Curly?" "Is this all right?" "Do you need, like, a licence or something to bury somebody?" "Nah." "This is where Curly'd wanna be buried." "He said he was a dying breed." "I didn't know he meant on this trip." "The man ate bacon at every meal." "I mean, you can't do that." "Well, I guess that's it." "Wait-wait a minute." "Shouldn't somebody say something?" "I mean, you know, like a eulogy?" " Yeah." " Cookie, you knew 'im best." "Lord, we give you Curly." "Try not to piss him off." "That's it?" "What else is there?" "I got chicken burning'." "You're a warm man, Cookie." "Wait a second." "I'll..." "What can I say about Curly?" "I didn't know you well, but I'll never forget you." "You lived life on your terms - simple, honest and brave." "I'm glad for this short time that we spent together." " Amen." " Amen." "Amen." "Do you think this is all right?" "I mean, with them?" "All right, listen up." "Ben, I want you to take the left flank with TR and Bonnie." "I want you three boys to ride point." "I'm gonna push with Steve, Barry and Ira." "Yeah, they're pros." "It'll be okay." "So long, cowboy." "You know, it makes you stop and think." "Stop the clock." " That's 25 minutes." "I win." " Yep." "Win what?" "I had under a half an hour before you started to talk about death." "Why would you think I would talk about death?" "What, are you kiddin'?" "We just came from a funeral." "And it's your favourite subject." "It is not." "I-I just think when you see a life end, it's a natural time to... think about your own mortality." "No, it isn't." "Why do that to yourself?" "When somebody dies, I don't change places with 'im." "I appreciate the fact that I'm not dead." "Look at this." "It's a beautiful day." "I'm here with my two best friends." "And we're driving a herd of cattle across the plains." "Pretty goddamn great." "It's one of the best days of my life." "All right." "What is the best day of your life?" "You mean ever?" "Yeah." "Best day ever in your whole life." "And you can't do when your kids were born." "That's too easy." "I got one." "I'm seven years old and my dad takes me to Yankee Stadium." "My first game." "We're goin' in this long, dark tunnel underneath the stands." "I'm holding his hand and we come up out of the tunnel into the light." "It was huge." "How green the grass was." "Brown the dirt." "And that great green copper roof." "Remember?" "We had a black-and-white TV, so this was the first game I ever saw in colour." "I sat the whole game next to my dad." "He taught me how to keep score." "Mickey hit one out." " Good day." " I still have the program." "All right, what was... what was the worst day you ever had?" "Worst day." "A couple o' years ago, Barbara finds a lump." " What?" " Jesus!" " Yeah, it scared the shit out of me." " You never said anything." "Yeah, well, you know, it turned out to be nothing." "But... that whole day was..." " Yeah, but that was a good day." " How?" "Because it turned out to be nothing." "Yeah, but the day until then was horrible." "Yeah, but it came out good." "You're a real "the glass is half-empty" kind of a guy, you know that?" "I don't know how Barbara can stand it." "Yeah." "All right." "I got one." "My best day." "Isn't the one about Arlene and that loose step, is it?" "No." "No, my wedding day." " What?" " Yeah." "Remember that day?" "Outdoor wedding." "Arlene looked great." "Those water pills really worked." "You guys are all smiling' at me." "And my dad, in the front... gives me a little wink..." "you know?" "I mean, he's not the warmest of men... but he-he winked." "You know, I was the first to get married and have a real job." "I remember thinking "I'm grown-up."" "You know? "I'm..." "I-I-I'm not a goofball any more." "I made it."" "I felt like a man." "It's the best day of my life." " What was your worst day?" " Every day since is a tie." "All right, Ed." "Your best day." "What is it, twins in a trapeze, what?" " No, I don't wanna play." " Why, we did it." "I don't feel like it." "Okay." "I'm 14 and my mother and father are fighting again." "You know, because she caught 'im again." "Caught 'im!" "This time, the girl drove by the house to pick 'im up." "And I finally realized he wasn't just cheating' on my mother." "He was cheatin' on us." "So I told him." "I said "You're bad to us." "We don't love you."" ""I'll take care of my mother and my sister." "We don't need you anymore."" "And he made like he was gonna hit me, but I didn't budge." "Then he turned around and he left." "Never bothered us again." "But I took care of my mother and my sister from that day on." "That's my best day." "What was your worst day?" "Same day." "Danny Dejenny gets the sign from Berra." "He gets the sign from Berra." "The pitch!" "Whoa!" "What's he doin'?" "Whoa, boy!" " He's drunk, the old shithead." " Where'd he get the liquor?" "How.... how do I know that?" "Goddamn, we better get him out of there." "Is that a happy face?" "He's nuts." " He's throwing our food." " Well, we'll..." "We'll what?" "We'll order out?" "!" " He's headed for the ravine!" " I'm sure he sees it." "Jump!" "What can you say about Skyrocket and Buttercup?" "Don't say anything." "Let's just get outta here." "Wait." "Let's just recap on what we've buried so far on this trip." " Trail boss, two horses..." " I can't believe we buried horses." "Well, the impact really drove 'em into the ground." "We just covered 'em up with some dirt." "How we gonna move the food and the tents?" "Tents roll up." "We can pack enough food in our saddlebags to get us there." "Okay." "Let's do it." "The problem's Cookie." "Let's no forget his legs are broken." "Oh, God, they're gonna shoot him." "I know they're gonna shoot him." "Now, we put Cookie on this litter so we can get him outta here." "Me and TR are gonna stay with you all and the herd." "We're gonna be hittin' some pretty rough mountain country." "Ay!" "There's a town, it's about half a day's ride outta here." "I can draw a map." "Somebody's gotta take Cookie." "Volunteers?" " I guess Steve and I should go." " Why?" "Because he's injured and we have medical training." "The devil, we're dentists!" "What are we gonna do, give him a cleaning?" "We have a better chance of helping him than anyone, son." " But you're having fun." " Ride with me." "It will still be fun." "Huh?" "That's really great of you, Ben, Steve." " Thank you." " Yeah, thanks a lot, that's great." " Thanks, Ben." " Good luck." " Thank you, Dr. Jessup." " We would have gone, but..." "Good." "I'll make up that map." "Hey, look." "I found where Cookie was hidin' his whiskey." " You old coot." " Hey, Jeff." "Shouldn't we do something?" "Let' em have their fun, then they'll sleep it off." "I knew it turned we couldn't trust these guys." "I said "tennis camp"." "You said "let's drive cattle"." "Wait a minute." "I got an idea." " Look at this." " Norman." " Norman." " What are they doing with Norman?" "Mitchy!" "Mitchy, come on out and play." " Don't go out there." " What do you think, I'm nuts?" "Mitch, do you like calf brains?" " This is over a cow." " Here's your last chance." "They're not gonna hurt me." "There's too many witnesses." "Please, be careful." "They're just gonna embarrass me, so I'll let 'em." "Norman, have you been bothering the cowboys again?" "You know, you raise them, you try to teach them right from wrong, but they learn these things from their friends." "I mean, it's the school systems." "You're grounded, mister." "These cows today, huh?" "You pansy-assed bastard." " Are you talking to me or Norman?" " You shit-nosed little faggot." "Who, me?" "Listen, guys." "We have a group of people here who came out for a good time... and to say the least, it's been a little bit strange." "But we're counting on you to get us through this." "So I'm asking you, please, why don't you just go and sleep it off, huh?" "Sleep this off." "Yee-ha!" "Put the gun down!" "Put down the goddamn gun!" "Phil." "I'm not gonna let 'im bully us any more." " My father-in-law's a bully." " Phil." "I hate bullies!" "Cause a bully doesn't just beat you up." " He takes away your dignity." " Phil!" "I hate that." "I really... hate that." "Sorry." "Bang!" "All right, you two assholes, go sleep it off." "And let's have some peace and quiet around here, for Christ's sakes!" "I'm tired." "I've been under a lot of stress." "I lost my wife." "I lost my job." "And I've got some sort of rash..." "from making in the bushes." " Are you okay?" " Yeah." "Phil, thanks." "That was amazing." " What?" " You know, uh..." "Oh, that." "Yeah." "Why don't you..." "put the gun down, Phil?" "Hmm?" "Oh, naw, you don't have to worry." "I know how to handle a gun." "I used to keep one at the store." "You know, you lock up late at night, there's a lot of cash around..." "Gotta make sure the register totals match the... cash and... cheques and the coupons..." "Then you got the order forms to fill out for the next day..." "You gotta check the stock." "I mean, there's a lot to do there." "It's a... very responsible job." "Oh, Christ!" "Oh, Phil." "Come on, Philly." "Come on, man." "It's not that bad." "I'm at a dead end." "I'm almost 40 years old." "I've wasted my life." "Yeah, but now you get a chance to start over." "You know?" "Phil, remember when we were kids?" "And we'd be playin' ball and the ball would get stuck up in a tree or somethin'?" " And we'd yell "Do over!", huh?" " Yeah." "Your life is a "do over"." "You got a clean slate." "I got no place to live." "I'm gonna get wiped out in the divorce cause I committed adultery." "So I may never even see my kids again." "I'm alone." "How's that slate look now?" "Well, the fun continues." " They're gone." " Who?" "Jeff and TR." "They skedaddled." "They jumped on their horses and took off." "They probably thought we'd get 'em in trouble." "Which we would." "Does anybody know how to get where we're goin'?" "So, we're talking death?" "Now, wait." "Won't Ben and Steve send some help?" "Maybe they won't." "And when they left, we were still pretty much okay." " Still, they might." " "Might"?" "We're hanging our lives on "might"?" "Let's not get hysterical here, okay?" "Calm down." "Now, for four days, we've been goin' in this direction." "I think we keep goin' in that direction." "Isn't that a little vague?" "Curly said there was a river and a valley." "We'll just have to do the best we can." "So you're saying we can drive this herd?" "A herd?" "Are you delirious?" "We leave the herd." "We'll go ten times as fast without them." "Oh, yeah, but there's no pasture land up here." "There's no water..." "I don't think they can survive up here." "Well, not to sound cold-hearted, but so-the-hell-what?" "Look, I mean, they give us a trail boss with a coronary they give us a bunch of drunks and we're supposed to worry about the cattle?" " You're a nicer person than I am." " No, you're right." "Look, the rest of you go ahead." "I'll drive the herd." "What are you talkin' about?" "I'm sayin' I think I can bring in the herd." "No, you can't." "What are you, crazy?" "You couldn't even manage your stores." "You had to bring in your cousin." "Mitch, you were right about all the weekend warrior shit." "The war games, the parachuting." "That was all bullshit." "But this is real." "This is really happening." "No rules, no games." "Just "Can I do it?"" "It is a game." "It's your regular game, Ed." "Don't you see it?" ""Am I better than my father"?" "Well, you are, okay?" " Look, I need to do this." " It's impossible." "I'll do it with you." "Phil." "Phil... you have, like, a day's worth of food 'n' water left." " We'll be all right." " Maybe you won't." "Maybe we will, Mitch." "Why don't you just accept that maybe you don't know what we're goin' through?" "I know exactly what you're goin' through." "And you think that bringing in this herd is gonna make all the broken pieces of your life come together?" "Hey, you don't wanna do it, don't do it." "We wanna do it." "I'm not doin' it." "Don't do it." "I'm not askin' you to do it." "You have been talking me into doing stuff like this my whole life, and I am not doing this!" "What, are you deaf?" "I'm not askin' you to do it." "Great!" "Come on, Phil." "It's crazy." "We'll ride out together tomorrow morning... without the herd." "They can do whatever they want." "Come on." "We've got cattle to move." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "What are you doin'?" "I'm not listenin' to you." "Goddamn cattle drive." "Just do your job." "Don't tell me, I'm not listenin' to you any more." "Listen to the cows." "Come on, you damn little doggies." "Come on, let's go." "Hey, stop that!" "Cut that out!" "What are you doin'?" "They're not cooperating." "This is like herding my children." " You take those." "I'll take these." " Hey, hey, come back here." "Hey!" "Stop!" "Stop it!" "Stop!" "Get back here!" "Ah, the hell with you." "Who needs you, anyway?" "What the he...?" "How did I do that?" "Hey, Mitch!" "It's Mitch!" "Mitchy the Kid!" "Curly said there's nothing like bringing' in a herd." "Nice hat, partner." "Come on." "Hey, there's my little man." "Sorry I was late, but there was so much traffic." "Let's go." "Ha!" "Nothin' to be ashamed of." "I had the same problem." "Didn't you feel stupid?" "I mean, you..." "Didn't you feel..." "inadequate?" "Yeah, for a while." "But then I overcame it." "Can I explain it you again?" "I mean, promise me you won't get upset." "Okay." "It's not gonna do any good." "Okay." "If you wanna watch one show, but record another show at the same time, the television set does not have to be on channel three." " It does." " No, it doesn't." "If you're watching what you're recording, then it has to be on three." " What..." "The TV or-or the machine?" " The TV." "You're sayin' I can record something I'm not even watching?" "Yes, that's the point." "You don't even need a TV to record." " How would I see it?" " Well, to see it, you need a TV." "Shut up." "Just shut up." "He doesn't get it!" "He'll never get it." "It's been four hours." "The cows can tape something by now." "Forget about it, please!" " How do you do the clock?" " You're dead." "You are dead!" "Let's go." "Come on, Norman." "Keep up." "Keep up." "Norman, stay with the class." "Come on, boy." "Aw, shit." " What do we do now?" " Like I should know?" " Come on, let's keep the herd together." " Yeah, let's go." "Norman, hello?" "Let's go, Norman." "Norman, what are you, Gene Kelly?" "Let's go!" "Easy, boy." "Whoa!" "Easy, boy." "Whoa!" "Go!" "Go, go!" "We're doin' great, guys." "We're drivin' 'em." "Oh, that's perfect." "We're lost, but we're makin' good time." "This is the way, guys." "I can feel it." " Is there a way around?" " That could be a hundred miles." " It could take days." " Is this supposed to be here?" "There's probably an easy place to cross but we missed it." " This could be the easy place!" " Oh, God." "Look." "We did the best we could." "Let's just leave the herd and get the hell outta here, huh?" "No!" "A cowboy doesn't leave his herd." "You are a sporting-goods salesman!" "Not today." "Easy... okay." "I started this..." "and I'm gonna finish it." "I'm gonna finish it." "It's fast, but it's not deep." "Come on, bring 'em down!" "Come on!" "Let's go!" "Oh, God." "Come on, move!" "Move it!" "Come on!" "Move it, now." "Come on." "Whoa!" "Shit!" "Come on, boys!" "Come on, now." "Move it!" "Moo cow!" "Go, baby!" "Go, baby!" "Hey, Phil." "I'm 39 and I'm saying "moo cow" in a river." "Do you believe this?" " We did it!" " Hey!" "Here we go!" "Norman!" "Oh, God." "Whoa!" "Norman!" "Norman!" "Norman!" "Norman!" "Norman!" "Got you." "Help!" "Oh, my God." "Mitch!" " Hey, Ed!" " Help!" "Help me!" "Oh, no." "Mitch!" "Oh, shit." "I'm comin'!" "I'm coming'!" "I gotcha!" "I gotcha!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "I gotcha!" "Gimme your hand." "Gimme your hand." "You're crazy." "You talk about me, but you're crazy." " You could've been killed!" " We almost lost you, pal." " Nice catch." " Yeah." "It was like Mays in the '54 World Series." " Vic Wertz." " Vic Wertz." " Let's bring 'em in." " Yee-ha!" "Great gobs of gooseshit!" "It's them!" "Ira!" "Ira!" "Yahoo!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "Yee-ha!" "Yahoo!" "Yahoo!" "Way to go, guys." " Hi." " Hi." "Oh, Lordy, Lordy." "Here's your herd." "Up till it due, I'm as happy as a puppy with two peters." "We had a search party out lookin' for you, boys." " They didn't find us." " Un-by-God-believable." "Bunch o' tenderfeet bringing' in a herd like that." "Two weeks ago, you boys were as worthless as henshit on a pump handle." "Look at you now!" "I'm givin' your money back!" " Now you're talking, Clay." " Hey, that's right." "Instead of the money, you think that, uh, my dad and I could come back and, uh..." " take the cattle back to New Mexico?" " Really, son?" "Ordinarily, that'd be great, but this herd's not goin' back." "What do you mean?" "I'm gettin' top dollar from the meat company." "You mean these cows are...?" "I thought you just moved 'em back and forth." "Usually do, but prices are sky high, and I can't pass it up." "Look, folks, it's not like any of 'em have a lot to live for." "They don't have much of a life, anyway." "Neither does Phil, but we're not prepared to eat 'im." "That's right." "This is our business, son." "This is not an endangered species." "It's what these animals are bred for." "All that meat under cellophane in the supermarket, where you think it comes from?" "Come on, fellas." "Just relax." "You done real good, cowboys." "Let's get some grub." "These cows trusted us." "They trusted us?" "They don't even know us!" "They followed us because we yelled "Yah"." "They're cattle." "What?" "I've gotta stop bein' a schmuck." "You know, you were right, Mitch." "My life is a "do over"." "It's time to get started." "I hope I can help." "I'm gonna go home... and I'm gonna get Kim pregnant." " I hope I can help." " Oh, Mitchy the Kid's in trouble." " What about you?" " Hm?" " You gonna be okay?" " Yeah." "Cause I know what he meant." " Who?" " Curly." "I know what this is." " What?" " That's what you have to figure out." " I'm gonna deck you, pal." " No, that's what it is." "It's something different for everybody." "It's whatever's most important to you." "For me, when I was in the river, I was only thinkin' about one thing." "All that other stuff just went away." "Only one thing really mattered to me." " Dad!" " Daddy, you're home!" "I love you." "These faces." "I missed these faces." " We missed you too, daddy." " It's no fun without you." "Hey, buckaroos." " Next year, the North Pole." " What?" "We hire dog sleds and we follow the same route as Admiral Byrd." "Uh-huh." "Next Tuesday, coffee and cake." "Better." "Come here." "Hey, Phil!" "You need a ride?" "No, thanks." "I got a cab." " So, how are you?" " Good." "Things are good." "Look what I found." "Mm, that's nice." "Where was it?" "Colorado." "I mean, it's always the last place you look." "Mitch, I've been thinking." "If you really hate your job, why don't you get out of there?" " We'll be all right." " No." "I'm not gonna quit my job." "I'm just gonna do it better." "I'm gonna do everything better." "Everything?" "See?" " Oh, I missed you." " I missed you, too." "Let's go home." "Today... is my best day." "Mr. Robbins?" "Yeah, right here." "This is great." " There you go." " Thanks." " What, did you get a dog?" " We got a dog?" "!" " All right!" " Come on, little man." "Everyone, this is Norman." " It's a cow." " Uh-uh." "He's a calf, actually." "Mitch!" "You're gonna put him in the van?" "Oh, yeah." "And then the den." "Mitch, you're not gonna take him home." "See, kids, he just said "Hello"." "Well, just for a little while." "Then we'll put him in a petting zoo..." " so he can be with your mother." " Mitch!" "I'm kiddin'!" "I'm just kiddin'." " Okay, seat belts, Norman." "Seat belts." " Mitch!" "I hope you went to the bathroom, mister, we got a long ride." " Mitch!" " Let's go home." "Subtitles by demonseye"