"Come on, Jake." "Slow down!" "Hurry up, Jake!" "Melanie!" "We gotta get home..." "or mom's gonna kill me." "Wow, did you see that?" "1,001, 1,002... 1,003..." " Answer the question!" " No!" "No, you won't answer, or, no, you won't marry me?" "Jake Perry, I'm 10-years-old." "I got too much to live for." "Not that way, you don't." "C'mon!" " Wow!" "Cool." " It's hot." "Don't touch it." " We'll be safe here." " Says who?" "Everybody." "Lightnin' never strikes the same place twice." "Why would you wanna marry me, boy, anyhow?" "So I can kiss you any time I want." "Oh, my God." " Hey." " Hi." "You know, that accent o' yours is a whole lot thicker when you're dreaming." "All right, how come y'all let me sleep?" " Oh, calm down." "It was five minutes." " What did I say?" "That we're all getting big fat raises when you become somebody." "Uh, whoa, did they kill Badgley Mischka." "Okay, laugh now, but tomorrow it could be us." "Not us, you." "I just make the coffee." "Thank you." "Thanks, guys." "Thanks for the long night." " Yeah." " I'll see you at the show." " See you later." " Bye, now." " Bye." " Get some rest." "Andrew..." "Hey, honey, good morning." "There's a rose for every moment I thought o' you last night." "God, you must be exhausted." "Listen." "Knock 'em dead." "I'll see you at the show." "It's gonna be great." "I love you." "I can't wait to see you." "Goodbye." "Okay, people!" "We are officially late!" " Melanie!" " Yes." "This top is supposed to be neon aubergine but it's all wrong!" "It's all... wrong!" "Okay, don't panic." "That's my job." "Um..." "Okay." "Put 'er on after Anouk." "The third light cue is yellow." "She'll look eggplant." "Uh, okay, Pan!" "Uh, the reason's all wrong is it's on backwards." "Ooh, Miss Dixie!" "I'm scared of you!" "Frederick..." "What are you doing here?" "You're the competition." "Competition?" "Please!" "Our designs are plumes and pearls." "And nothing is going to come between me and my protegee." "And this is, after all, all about... me." "Oh, I love this." "Stella McCartney's gonna kill herself." "Why do I feel like I'm in the middle of Times Square, buck naked?" "Baby doll, you're gonna be just fine." "Seven years ago, you were this little debutante just off the plantation." "And now you're my steel magnolia..." "with her very own show." "Okay, get outta here before you make me cry." "Bonne chance." "Secretary Hennings, do you have a moment?" "Please, tell me he has a flaw... somewhere." "He asked me to go to Ireland for Christmas." "He's gonna ask you a lot more than that." " You think so?" " Mm-hm." " Okay, let's go, let's go." " All right, uh, we gotta go." "Places, everyone!" "Come on, let's go." "Line up." "Okay, don't smile." "No smiles, just smirks." "Wait." "Okay." "Go!" "Honey!" " Ah, congratulations." " You're amazing." " Those flowers were insane." " Oh, well, I just want this day to be perfect." " Oh, God, honey, what if they hate me?" " Oh, the critics smell they hate themselves." "That's easy for you to say." "I wasn't born with that thick Hennings skin." "No, you weren't." "And that... is what I love about you." "Oh, honey, I'm sorry." "I got a meeting in the Bronx." "You go and enjoy it and I'll see you later." " Okay?" " Okay." "Oh, hey, we've got that..." "thing tonight at Lincoln Center." " What thing?" " Fundraiser thing." "Right." "The thing!" "With your mother..." "That's tonight." " I'm afraid so." " Okay." "I am so proud of you." " Thank you." " Okay." " I love you." " I love you, too." "Congratulations." "His meeting's running a little late." "He told me to take you inside to see if you can win a car." "Where are we?" " I'm so tired, Jimmy." " Yeah." " I've just had it." " Well..." "He shouldn't be too long." "Miss Carmichael, won't you come in?" "So..." "Have you made a decision?" " About what?" " Ireland." "Ireland, honey?" "That's four months from now." "I was thinking maybe... 2-300 guests, tops." "For Christmas?" "Andrew, are you on some sort of medication?" "What's going on?" "Where are we?" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Melanie Carmichael..." "will you marry me?" "Are you sure?" "I mean, a-a-are you really sure?" "Because if you're not, we sure can just go back to the car." " It's only been eight months." " You know I never do anything rash." "And I usually never ask a question I don't already know the answer to." "So... at the risk of being rejected twice," "I'm gonna ask you again." "Will you marry me?" "Yes." "Yes, yes!" "Pick one." " Mayor, just one shot." "One shot." " Over here, Mayor." "Right here." "Thank you." " Where is 'e?" " He's running late." "No doubt thanks to that Carbuncle girl." " Carmichael." "Designer." "Southern." " Right." "Whatever." "Your Honor, how do you answer those who are opposed to the street-improvement project you put before the City Council today?" "I suggest they take a drive on some of the streets of Brooklyn." "Maybe they'll disappear into a pothole." "Your Honor, your son's relationship with Melanie Carmichael." "Sources say they are engaged." "Do you have a comment?" "Trust me, if my son were engaged, I'd have a comment." " I thought you were tired." " Jimmy, can you excuse us for a second?" "I've been planning this for weeks." "I knew it should have been great." "This thing tonight is perfect." "God, I can't wait to see the look on my mother's face." " Come on!" "Let's call your parents." " No!" "I-I mean, uh..." "not-not right this second." "What I mean is, uh, honey, would you mind to agree if we just kept this to ourselves for a few days?" "Mel, it's gonna come out sooner or later." "I-I know, I know, but, um, see, I haven't seen my folks in about seven years and I just feel like I should..." "probably... tell them in person." "Of course." "And, um..." "I think I should do it alone." "Mel, I'm gonna have to meet them eventually." "I-I know, I know." "And they will love you." "Eventually." " Is it because I'm a yankee?" " Well, that, and a Democrat." "Okay." "Mum's the word." " No one will know." " Thank you." "Secretary Hennings!" "Hello." "Have you told your mother you're engaged?" "I'm sorry we're late." "That shade of lipstick does nothing for you, Andrew." "What kept you?" "Uh, it's none of your business." "Now, you know I hate suprises." "What's going on?" "Oh, Tom." "Always a pleasure." "Good to see you." "Melanie... darling." "So good to see you." "Look at you, always the belle of the ball." "I hear very good things about your new line." "Oh, yeah." "Thanks." " Andrew." " Yes?" "Seems Melanie is wearing a skating rink on a very important finger." "I'm..." "Your Honor, if it's all the same to you, I'd really like to keep this..." "Oh, my God!" "You're engaged?" "... quiet." "Bloody hell no!" "I'm your first New York friend and I have to read about it with 12 million other people." "Sorry, honey." "She just grabbed my hand." "What was I supposed to do?" "I know." "We read all about it." "So, did you cry?" "Wouldn't you?" "One man for the rest o' my life?" "I'd bawl my bloody eyes out." "So why don't you come and meet us?" "It's around the corner." "I can't." "I'm in Alabama." "Oh... my God." "Yeah." "Oh, he's loud, but he don't bite." "C'mon, shut up, hound." "Lie down." "Come on, stay." "How can I help you?" "Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce." "Come on, Jake, I mean it." "The joke's over." "Let's finish this." "I've got a plane to catch." "You're shittin' me, right?" "You know, I never actually understood that expression, but no, I'm not shitting you." "Look." "It's even got these idiot-proof tabs to make it easy." "There's one copy for me, one copy for you, and one copy for the lawyers." "What?" "Speak." "You show up here... after seven years without so much as a..." ""Hey, there, Jake." "Remember me, your wife?"" "Or... "Hi, honey." "Looking good." "How's the family?"" "You expect me to tell you you look good?" "What, they ran outta soap down at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?" "They laugh at that up north, or wherever have you've been?" "You knew where I was." "And don't even pretend you spent all this time missing me." "Oh, I missed you all right." "But at this range, my aim is bound to improve." "Is that a threat?" "I've got a lawyer charges 350 an hour." "He billed me every time you sent these papers back." "Well, I'm glad to see you finally got the message." " Shut up, Bear!" " Shut up, Bryant!" "What happened to Bear?" "He died." "You weren't here." "What are you doing?" "Leavin'." "You done it." "You should recognize the gesture." "Could we just try to keep this as civilized as possible?" "Please, sign these papers so I can go home." "What do you know from home?" "Hell, I bet your folks don't even know you're in town." "That's my business." "Honey, those people are the only family you got." "Don't you "honey" me, honey!" "Get your butt back in that car, drive over and see 'em, and then maybe we'll talk." "Jake!" "You dumb, stubborn, redneck hick!" "You know the reason you won't sign these papers is cause I want you to!" "Wrong!" "The only reason I ain't signin' is cause you've turned into some hoity-toity yankee bitch and I'd like nothing better right now than to piss you off!" "What the heck are you doing with Mo Slidel's plane anyhow?" " That's my business!" " Fine!" "Fine!" "Divorce, my ass." "Hey, genius." "Next time you lock somebody out, make sure they don't know where the spare key is hidden." "Well, see, that's the thing about hide-a-keys." "It'd be nice if your wife told you where it was." "I'm not your wife, Jake." "I'm just..." "I'm just the first girl that climbed in the back of your truck." "But you're right." "I have changed." "I don't even know that girl any more." "Well, then..." "allow me to remind you." ""Born into one of the wealthiest families of Greenville, Alabama,"" ""her daddy's in cotton and all that that implies."" "There is no listing for an Earl Carmichael in Greenville." "How 'bout the local high school?" "No record of Melanie Carmichael attending... ever." "Jesus!" "Whatever happened to responsible journalism?" "There's something wrong here." "Why would my son do this to me?" " Maybe he, uh..." "loves her?" " Oh, please!" "This is classic rebound." "He's still wounded from breaking up with..." "Who was his last girlfriend?" "Whitney Trusdale, lawyer, San Francisco." "Yeah." "Well, there was a match made in heaven." "Society, political family, California." "All those electoral votes." "Get Andrew on the phone." "Hello!" "Since we only have a very small window for the Secretary of Housing, please hold your questions until after the presentation." "You see the look on my mom's face?" "I thought her head was gonna explode." "Yeah?" "What'd she say?" "That I should date women like Mel, not marry 'em." " That's harsh." " Eh, that's mom." " Thank you." " Thanks a lot." "Thank you." "We hope to have the Bronx Children's Hospital open by fall..." "Oh, speak of the devil." "Hello." "So... have you two lovebirds set a date?" "I'm pleading the Fifth." "Okay, fine." "Just try to keep your secrets, I dare you." "Oh, at least you sound like you're in a better mood." "My approval rating went up two points." "It seems the public likes being reminded I'm a mother." " Eh, always running for office." " I'm only thinking of you." "Say... um..." "Do you happen to have the Carmichaels' number down there in..." "Greenville?" "I thought perhaps I should introduce myself." "Yeah." "I would like to meet them first, if you don't mind." "You do realize the press is gonna be all over this." "Take it from me." "Happy couples don't sell." "So, if there are any skeletons in her closet, Andrew, we need to know about 'em." "You make clothes, right?" "I design 'em." "There's a big difference." "You design anything with stripes?" "You called the sheriff?" "!" "You know that old bastard hates me." "For good reason." "Well, hell's bells!" "If it ain't Felony Melanie..." "Wade?" "!" "Hot damn, girl, do we miss you around here." "Hey, I think I saw poor old Fuzz just the other day." "Oh, God, you had to bring that up." "I can't believe it, you're the sheriff?" "Yep." "I get to frisk pretty little things like you all day and get paid for it." "Wade, try and be a little more professional about this." "We got us a crime suspect here." "Now, Melanie, you can't just go breakin' into people's houses." "I didn't break in, Wade." "I used a key." "My key." "Well, it still ain't your house, darlin'." "I'm gonna have to escort you out." "Use the cuffs, Wade, please." "Wade, if you can just get him to sign these papers, I'll let you run me outta town." " Now, that's none o' your concern." " Well, what do we got here?" " A bill of divorcement?" " Mm-hm." " Hell, boy, I thought you said you took care o' this." " And I thought I had." "Obviously not." "Well, if you two are still married, it's her house too." "This 'ere ain't nothin' but a domestic dispute." "He didn't hit you, did he?" "Cause if you tell me he took a swing at you, I'll take 'im in right now." "We take that stuff pretty serious nowadays." "No, Wade." "Jake's never hit me." "You know what?" "I don't have a single childhood memory that doesn't have you two in it." "And that includes the night I lit my ass on fire, remember that, huh?" "Wade..." "Memory lane is closed." "Ah, hell, boy." "You two got a whole lotta catching' up to do." "So, now's I'm gonna leave you to it." " Man, I set you up with your wife." " You make me crazy." " You owe me one." " Why don't you just sign the papers?" "Hey, there is nothin' I can do." "The law is the law." "And she has done nothin' wrong." "I suppose shoplifting steaks at Winn-Dixie is okay?" "Oh!" "Oh, oh!" "Oh, oh!" "I took 'em back and you know it!" "You remember that incident of vandalism out at the stockyard?" "Totally her." "Like I could tip a cow by myself." "Wade?" "Ain't there some outstanding warrant for whoever dumped your momma's tractor in the fish pond?" "I have ten o' these, and it's gonna be gone for good." "So, if you are loving this monster..." "How-how many?" "Eight?" "We have eight only?" "If I knew how to say that in Italian, I would, but I don't." "9:15?" "Honestly!" "Who could be callin' at this hour?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hey, momma." "Melanie?" "Is that you?" "Oh, it's so late." "Are you alright?" "I, uh..." "I just thought I'd surprise you." "Well, this certainly is a... a surprise, hearing' from you, you bein' such a busy girl an' all." "Course,I callpeoplewhileI'mdoin'  the dishes or shelling' peas." " Oprah calls it... multitasking." " Momma, the-the call isn't the surprise." "I'm-I'm in town." "Oh, Lord love a duck!" "Oh, my baby girl has finally come home." "Earl, she's in town." "If you're gonna repeat everything she says cause of yore, just get off my chair." " Momma..." " I'm just sittin' here, is all." "What happened to the sound?" "I turned it down so I could hear the phone ring." "Momma!" "What are you, clairvoyant now?" "It was so loud, I couldn't hear myself thinkin'." "Momma..." "I heard it all the way at Joe and Merlene's house." " Hello?" " I only get three minutes." "Oh, honey, you didn't need to call, then." "Just come on by." "Uh..." "Well, that's the thing." "I was sort o' hoping daddy could come and get me." "So..." "What put you in jail this time?" "Jake and his big fat mouth." "It was just a misunderstanding, that's all." " Hey, kinda like that wedding' I paid for." " I would hardly call that a wedding." "The boy was nervous." "He was still drunk from the night before." " Can you blame 'im?" " Yes, I can!" "I went to the reception by myself with puke all down my dress while he slept it off in your Travelodge." " And you're still... siding with that..." " I'm not siding' with anybody." " The boy's changed." " You know, can we just not talk about Jake?" "Okay?" "I-I know he's the son you never had but I'm your only daughter and maybe you wanna know..." "what's new with me." "Okay." "Shoot." "I met somebody." "And he's... quite a catch." "He's, uh, he's really a great guy." "And I'm happy." "Really." "Come to momma, sugar." "Hey, momma." "Oh!" "Good land of the living, you are skin and bones." "Don't I get a smile?" "I know you got one in there somewhere." "Come on, come on, let's not let all the bought air out." "Well..." "Are you hungry... sweetie?" "Do you want me to reheat some chicken fried steak?" " Ah, no, momma, I'm fine." " Sweetie, you look tired." "Are you tired?" "Oh, you know what?" "Maybe it's the way you're wearin' your hair now." "You guys have really done a lot with the place." "Lord, would you listen to that accent." "Why won't you sit in my good chair?" "Your momma got me this Christmas before last." "Oh, you mean the one when you guys were supposed to come visit me?" "I told you time and time again, it just didn't suit." "Lemme-lemme get you those... tickets." "Sit down in it." "Sit down." "Now watch this." "I mean, ain't that quite the deal?" "There are hardly words." "Now, how do I get out this thing?" "Oh, my God!" "Jake tell you he's thinkin' of gettin' one?" "Well, I see your priorities." "Jake, jail and then home." "Momma, it was just unfinished business, is all." "Jake's doin' all right." "Boy's goin' places." "Once upon a time you were goin' places too." "Here are your tickets." "These were a gift." "I'd rather you guys just use them." "You know, what I can't understand is how you all visit every stupid battlefield in the continental US but... you can't manage to visit your only daughter." "Oh, the door swings both ways, sweetie." "And anyway, don't get me started on things I don't understand." "Here we go." "Momma, your dream for me was to get out of this place and be somebody." "That's why you shoved me in every beauty pageant in the state." " I'm just sayin', is all." " What?" "!" "What are you tryin' to say?" "I really..." "Just tell me what I can do to make you happy." " Just make yourself happy, darlin'." " Done." "We're there, all right?" "You know, I've really made something of myself." "I have a career." "People actually wanna be me." "And, uh, somebody loves me and I love him." "Pearl, won't you get us some o' that baloney cake outta the icebox." "Your momma's a complex woman." "I'm going to bed." "Goodnight, darlin'." "But you know nothing about her." "Are you even sure who she is?" "I love 'er, mom." "That's nice." "But you have to be careful." "You and I are different." "We're not better, we're not not worse, we're just different." "We're in public life to serve, and to serve to the best of our abilities..." " you have to set good examples." " You have to control everything?" "Tell her I put a hold on the Plaza for the second weekend in June." "That should to give you a nice long engagement." "We were thinking Christmas in Ireland." "If you think I'm going to let some girl talk you into getting married..." "She is not "some girl"." "She's my fiancee, for Christ's sake." "You are just like your father." "One minute, you're brilliant, controlled, steadfast..." "The next, you're throwing it all away on some young piece of ass." "Those are your issues, mother." "Not mine." "Okay." "Hold on." "You know what?" "How long does a contested divorce take?" "18 months?" "Mr. Buford, I don't have 18 months." "I don't have 18 days." "Okay, well, that's just not gonna work for me." "Yeah." "Yes." "Don't see the likes o' you round these here parts much." "Mr. Buford..." " You look like sex on a stick in that." " Mr. Buford, I have to call you back." "Listen, bubba, why don't you just kiss my ass!" "Oh, my God!" "Get in the truck here, missy." "Cause I don't do that sort o' thing on the street." "I guess your momma raised you right." "Whoo!" "What is that, Calvin Klein?" "Very nice." "Very good." "I better back off." "I don't wanna get you in trouble with the little lady." "There is a little lady, isn't it?" "No, hell." "I can hardly afford me, much less some high-maintenance babe." "What about Cindy what's-her-name?" "You got her real hot and heavy in high school." "What happened to her?" "She's a women's softball coach up in Nashville." "Well, that explains some lingering questions I had about a game of post office we played one time." "No!" "I guess we all have our little secrets, don't we, Bobby Ray." "Yeah, we sure do." "Course I read about yours on the internet." "What?" "I know all about the cocks in your henhouse." "God!" "Bobby Ray!" "You sure know how to make a girl blush." "Yeah..." "Uh, well, I gotta get back to the factory." "But you in town for a while?" "Oh, God, I hope not." "I'm just hitting the bank." " Well, I better scram." " Ha-ha, very funny." " It was really good to see you." " Good to see you, too." "Bye." "Oh, hi, Eugene." "How's your leg?" "Oh, it don't give me too much trouble, Miss Melanie." "Dorothea, I'm gonna take my..." "lunch." "Well, look what the cat dragged in." " Dorothea?" "Oh, my God, you've..." " ..." "lost 110 pounds, I know." " Well... congratulations." " Thanks." "Uhh..." "I noticed that you don't have an ATM." "Oh, them things." "Russ don't wanna put one in on account of you lose personal contact with the customers." "Yes." "That would be tragic." "Wade said you and Jake had quite the reunion." "But that's just pillow talk talkin'." " Are-are you and Wade...?" " Goin' on three years." "Course it ain't Tiffany's." "But then again, you can't believe everything you hear on TV." "Uhh..." "I-I need to make a withdrawal from my..." " ... joint account?" " My what?" "Your joint account." "With Jake." "From what I hear, y'all are still married." "Why, yes." "Yes, we are." "Hi, honey." "Looking good." "How's the family?" "Cut the shit." "Where's my stuff?" "Now, what kind o' wife would I be if I didn't pick up after my husband?" "The kind that don't live here." "I'm gonna ask you one last time." "Where is the hide-a-key?" "I had the sweetest chat with Wade's mom about her tractor." "Nice to see you got your accent back." "Oh..." "I stumbled across a few things today." "Holy shit!" "What happened to the stove?" "Oh, and where are them lil' magnets I had over here, huh?" "What the hell is this?" "Chick food?" "Lite beer." "Less calories." "I tried to pick out a new bed, but have you been to the Sit 'n Sleep lately?" "Yuck." "I suppose I'll just have to order something from New York." "Whatever blows your dress up, darlin'." "Go right ahead and spend your money." "Oh, but, darlin'..." "I thought you said we should think of it as... our money." "Just a guess..." "but I'm thinkin' the words" ""joint chequing" are flashing in your head right now." " How much did you take?" " All of it." " Son of a bitch!" " You want a wife... you got a wife!" "And what are you doin' with all that cash?" "Why don't you invest it?" "Don't you know anything?" "I know if you don't get out o' this house right now..." "Sign the papers and I'll give it all back." " Fine!" " Fine." "Gimme the pen." "Hold on." "What are you doin' with all that cash saved up?" " Gimme the goddamn..." " And since when did you quit the tyre factory?" "You're not doin' anything illegal, are you, Jake?" "Maybe I am." "So, what?" "I don't ask about your boyfriend." "You keep your nose outta my life." "Deal?" "Who told you?" "Honey... just cause I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid." "Look, Jake..." "Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten years old." "Yeah..." "I guess." "I mean, where's the fun in that, right?" "I can't believe you kept this thing all these years." "You know, most people don't know lightning does that to sand." "Oh, hey, Mel." "You know what?" "I just remembered I got myself a hot date." "You don't mind if I have my lawyer take a look at these, do you?" " What?" "!" " Hell." "I'm just a... simple country boy." "There's words in there I can't even pronounce." "You might be takin' me to the cleaner's for all I know." " The cleaner's?" "You?" " Say, what'd this set you back anyhow?" "More than you make in a month." "Just sign the damn papers!" "Nah..." "But... thanks for stoppin' by." " I love you, I love you, I love you." " Are you sitting down?" "Why?" "Bad news?" "Just picked up the "New York" magazine." "And I quote," ""That cool breath of fresh air blowing through the tents at Fashion Week"" ""was the soon-to-be household name of Melanie Carmichael."" ""Fashion insiders have labeled her the next big one."" "Oh, my God!" "The next big one?" "Oh, God, honey, I needed that almost as much as I need you." "What is that noise?" " The sound o' my past." " Have fun." "Okay, bye." "Batten down the hatches, boys!" "Trouble that just walked back into my life, disguised as my favourite daughter-in-law." "Oh, honey, drive that pretty face over here and gimme a hug." "Oh!" "Soon to be ex-daughter-in-law." " Whoo-hoo!" "Who's the lucky guy?" " His name is Andrew." " He's in politics." " Well, he got my vote." "Good to see you, baby girl." "Hey, you give this lady whatever she wants!" "I'll catch up with you later, okay?" "I'll have a Grey Goose martini, two olives, dirty." "Thanks." "Oh... my..." "God!" "Melanie?" "!" " Lurlynn?" " Yes!" "Oh, my God!" "Look at you, all fancy." "You look like you stepped out of a magazine." "Oh, well, thank you, uh..." "Look at you." " You have a baby." "In a bar..." " Hell, I got three more at home." "This one's still on the tit, so I can cart 'im anywhere." "Right." "You know, I almost bought that exact same top the other day." "But Clinton'd kill me if I spent 30 bucks on a... sweater thing." "That Jaclyn Smith knows what she's doin'." "Actually, it's mine." "Bergdorf just picked it up." "I design clothes now." "Ohh..." "Mm..." "Now that you mention it, I'm..." "I'm pretty sure I heard that." "So, do you know Jaclyn Smith?" "Mind if I join you?" " Actually, we do." " You must be Jake's hot date." "I'm Starr." "Hi." "I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty yankee bitch wife, whom he refuses to divorce, even though..." "I'm engaged to another man." "Hot dog, Jake, look at the size of that thing!" "Honey..." "Why don't you get us couple o' drinks, all right?" "Okay." " Is... that a martini?" " Oh, uh..." "Not... me and her "us", you and I "us"." "Why do you make me be mean to you?" "Is that what you want?" "To be humiliated in front of all your friends?" "Oh, come on, Mel." "We were your friends too." " Well, lookee, lookee, lookee." " Hot damn!" "Well, well, well." "If it isn't the two groomsmen of the apocalypse." " Hey, Eldon!" " Yeah." " Are you hungry?" " I'm starvin', Clinton." "No, no, no, no, don't you..." "don't you dare!" "I could use a Melanie sandwich!" " Just seems like... old times." " Get your hands off me!" "No!" "Not like old times, all right?" "Times have changed." "No more Melanie sandwich, no more Melanie taco, and no more Melanie corndog, all right?" " Sure." " Just playin' with you." "Sorry, ma." "Guys, just grab a stick." "We play some pool, all right?" "And if you can't find a cue, just pull the one shoved up her ass." "Melvin, I can't believe you're still wearin' that same old stupid hat." "Well, I... just about got it broken in." "Now, you sit your bony ass down there and watch and see me teach Jake here how to lose at pool." "Well, see, that's the thing." "I'm not really a watch-and-see kinda girl." "Am I, Jake?" "Come on, Bobby Ray." "You got it." "Bobby Ray..." "Don't... blow this one, okay?" "All right, baby?" "You can take the girl outta the honky tonk but you can't take the honky tonk outta the girl." "So, Jake..." "Are you gonna divorce this girl or what?" "Well... she waited seven years." "A couple more days won't kill 'er." "Unfortunately." " Like it's gonna make a difference." " You never know." "You might be interested to learn your boy Jake here..." "Hey, let 'er think whatever she wants, Clinton." "She made up her mind about me a long time ago." "Some things never change." "Like Eldon here." "He never could get his balls in the right pocket." "Okay, Jake." "It's you and Mel." "Clutch time, Mel." "It's just like state playoff." "We're down by six." "Seven seconds to go..." "We need that babe beautiful 52-yard bomb!" " You remember that, Mel?" " How could I forget?" "That was the night Jake got me pregnant." "Why don't you just go public with that shit?" "Ow, come on." "It's not like anybody can keep a secret around here." " Except for Bobby Ray." " Now, what did I ever do to you?" "You never did anything to me, darlin'." "Or any other girl in town." "Melanie, what is the matter with you?" " What do you mean?" " Oh, she's just unhappy." "Of course, I would be too if "Women's Wear Daily" called me "less than mediocre"." "Why don't you just go to a gay bar?" "Now, what would B-Ray do in a gay bar?" "Well..." "Think I had about enough fun for one night." "Oh, c'mon, I was just kidding." "Hey!" "..." "Stella!" "..." "How about another round o' drinks for my friends here?" "Honey, I think you had about enough." "You know what?" "I think you're right." "I have had enough." "I mean, how do you people live like this?" "That's it, that's it." "Did you know that there's a great big world out there... that has absolutely nothing to do with chitlins and children or beer?" "I liked her better when she was crazy." "Jake." "What makes you think you can treat them like somethin' you stepped in in your fancy shoes?" " You asked for it!" " I asked for it?" "!" "You show up here, you steal my money, you rearrange my house and then you insult my friends, acting like you're better than them?" "!" "I am better than them!" "And you stole my pen." " That's all that matters to you, isn't it?" " Thank you." "The money... the labels... the shoes..." "You're pathetic!" "Oh, like you're going places." "I am, as soon as I get my keys." " No, you don't, no, you don't, now." " Gimme my purse!" "You wanna kill yourself... you wanna kill yourself, you do it somewhere else." "There." "At least I'm doin' something with my life." "So what if you can't play football anymore?" " Get in the car." " Get a new dream." " I did." " Get in the truck now." "All right!" "I... guess the date's over, huh?" "Do me a favour." "Follow us home." "Evening, Earl." "Evening, Jake." " Pearl." " Jake." "Listen, Pearl, you go easy on 'er." "We don't want another seven years." "Ow..." "We were wondering when we're gonna see you." "Christ Almighty, daddy." "How am I gonna explain you in New York City?" "History's history." "No use sweeping' it under the rug." " Wish me luck." " Go get them yankees." "People need a passport to come down here." "Hey, Bryant." "Where is 'e?" "Come 'ere." "C'mon, c'mon." "Come on." "Bryant, Bryant, come on." "C'mon." "What's she doin' here?" "Thought you'd be gone." " Bryant, there you go, boy." " I put the money back in your account." "There you go." "Thanks." "Saves me from bouncing' a lot o' cheques." "Can he swim?" "Don't look like it." "I like what you did, though." "To the house." "Should help it sell quicker." "Are you movin'?" "Well..." "I been spendin' a lot o' my time up round Tuscaloosa, so..." " How deep is that water?" " About eight feet." "Look, Mel..." "I signed your papers." "Jake, I never meant to hurt you or anybody else for that matter." "And I just came out here to say... thank you." "You might wanna find yourself a place outta the way." "You can't just leave!" "Sure I can." " You wanna come?" " Where you goin'?" "I wanna show you somethin'." " I can't." " Can't or won't?" "Both." " The girl I knew used to be fearless." " The girl you knew didn't have a life." "Guess you better get on with it, then." "Come on, Bryant." "Come on, boy, get in here." "E-excuse me." "Do you know Bobby Ray Bailey's address?" "813 Lafayette." "You don't remember me, do you?" "Oh, I remember you just fine." "You used to steal catfish from my pond." "Yes, sir." "I did that." "I'm sorry." "Course." "On the weekends, Bobby Ray goes over to the Carmichael plantation." "Visits with colonel Murphy, it being tourist season, you know." "Thank you." " Yes?" " Oh, hi." "I'm Melanie Carmi..." "Uh..." "Melanie..." "Smooter." "I-I'm here to see Bobby Ray." "If he's alive, he's out back." "C'mon." "They're out here somewhere." "Watch your step." "Bobby Ray?" "Melanie?" "Don't move!" "Hot damn!" "Hold your fire, sir." "I'll be right back." "We weren't aiming' for you but I doubt I woulda gone to your funeral." "Guess I wouldn't blame you." "I'd forgotten how beautiful this place was." "Yes, it doesn't take much to forget a lotta things, does it?" " Bobby Ray, it's not like that." " You know what?" "I'll tell you what it's not like." "It's not like Jake's the only one around here that you run out on." "I'm so sorry I outed you." "I guess I figured that if I was pointin' at you then... nobody would see through me." "Bobby Ray!" "I can't find the fuse!" "I should go before he kills himself." "Bye." " Afternoon." " Can I help you?" "Barry Lowenstein, "New York Post"." "Oh, boy." "Am I glad to see you." "I'll tell you, it's, uh... definitely, uh, another world down here." " Uh, did you say the "Post"?" " Yes, I did." "I-I was hoping to get an interview with you and your family." "Maybe, um, a few pictures, if you don't mind." "No." "I mean, uh, yes, I do." "Mind." "They're not here." "Oh, wow..." "This is just as you described it." "It... must have been amazing, huh, growing up here?" "Like a fantasy." " Would you mind if I take a quick look inside?" " Actually, I'm on my way out." " I'll come back then." " Uh, um, uh, okay, but.. just a peek." "This is it." "Home, sweet home." "Wow!" " How old is this place?" " Uhhh..." "It was built by my, uh, great-great-great-grandfather." "Charles Carmichael, in 1853." "Oh." "Boy!" "I bet you slid down this bannister a time or two." "And over here, we have the, uh  kitchen." "But who hasn't seen one o' those?" "Let's start over here." "Now, this is my favourite room." "It was part of the, uh..." "Underground Railroad." "Why are we whispering?" "The whole place is haunted." "By... ghosts of..." "Civil War soldiers." "Dang Confederate buttons!" "No wonder we lost the war." "Was that one of them?" "Melanie?" " What are you doin' in the closet?" " Hi." "Barry Lowenstein, "New York Post"." "Miss Carmichael was just showing me around the, uh, plantation." "Uh..." "Mr. Lowenstein is writing a piece on the family, you know, since I'm marrying the mayor's son and all." "I had no idea." "Isn't that something?" "Yeah." "Well, a plantation by any other name is just a farm." "But it does roll off the tongue a little sweeter now, doesn't it?" "Well, I do believe Miss Melanie forgot her manners." "I'm Bobby Ray." "Her cousin..." "Charmed." "See, when the yankees marched to Alabama, they tried to destroy our metal-forming capabilities by placing barrels of powder underneath the anvils." "Course, all they managed to do was blow 'em sky-high for a few seconds." "So, in honor of that act of stupidity, we all..." "we get together to recreate it for the tourists." "What the hell was that?" "Hey, grandpa!" "This here's Barry." "He's doin' an article on Melanie's weddin'." "I never heard of 'er!" "Thanks!" "Aren't you just a big fat liar?" " Bobby Ray!" " Oh, go back to New York." "I'm sorry about what I said." " Really sorry." " Oh, well..." "Forget it." "Okay, you all." "You need to eat and be quiet." "We're gonna have us a little visit." "You know..." "He went up there." "Who?" "Jake?" "When?" "About a year after you left." "He don't know I know, but Clinton let it slip once." " Jake was in New York?" " He told Clinton he'd never seen anything like it." "He realized straight off he'd need more than... an apology to win you back." "He needed to conquer the world first." "He's been tryin' ever since." " That's why he kept sending the papers back." " Yeah." "It's funny how things don't work out." "It's funny how they do." "Hey, look who I found hanging' out by the parkin' lot, hesitant to join us." "Anybody think o' anything in here that, uh, might bother Bobby Ray?" "Uh, Clinton's breath?" " You still the same Bobby Ray from last night?" " Last time I checked, yeah." "Well, then..." "let me buy you a drink." "Well, you're really not my type." "Oh, honey, you-you drink that from the top." "I'm-I'm just looking to see who makes this Deep South Glass." "I wonder if you can get it in New York." "It's beautiful." "Hey, Jake!" "Uh, Mel would like to know where she can find some of that snooty-falooty glass." " Why ask me?" " Oh, I don't know." "Maybe because you're..." "You're all spiffed up... and all." "Am I missing something?" "Let's show some respect, folks." "Jake!" "When was the last time you pushed me around the dance floor?" "Clinton has got two left feet." "Well, Miss Taylor, I'd be honored." "Let's do it." "Come on." "Come on, Mel!" "Get on out here!" "Well, aren't you the Lord o' the Dance?" "I ain't as clumsy as I look." "She just can't keep time." "You might have to prove that to me." "Now... he's pretty good." "It might be you." "Ow, the hell you say!" "Let me at 'im." "Oh, look at them two, welded together." "Why do they fight it?" "Maybe we could just talk." "Come on." "Let's go to the roadhouse." "Nah." "What do you say we drive up to Fairview and bowl a few frames." " I don't think so." " Wanna go arrest somebody?" " Hey, I know this great place where..." " No!" "No." "Y'all, I think I'm gonna call it a night." "Hey, there, boy." "Sorry it took me so long." "I would have come sooner if I'd known you were sick." "Actually, that's probably not true." "I've been pretty selfish lately." "Dogs don't know anything about that, do they, though?" "You were always like a big old pillow." "Like, when everything went pear-shaped... you never left my side." "And then I just left you." "I bet you sat there wondering' what you'd done wrong." "I told him it was my fault." " Quit being so nice." " It's the truth." "How come it has to be so complicated?" " What?" " The truth." "Life..." "This..." "He was one helluva good dog, Melanie." "Yeah." "You looked like you were havin' fun out there tonight." "I'm happy in New York, Jake." "But then I come down here and... this fits too." "Since... when does it have to be one or the other?" "You can have roots and wings, Mel." "Maybe I could just fly south for the winter." "Look." " What?" " There." "Can you see 'em?" "Lightning bugs." "Only you." "You know, I still go out there sometimes." "I see those big thunderheads rolling in..." "It's like a religion." "I had a dream about it the other night." "You ever wonder what would have happened if we hadn't gotten pregnant?" " Jake..." " Just..." "let me get this out before I can't." "I thought that baby would be an adventure." "And it took me a while to realize it would have been your only adventure." "I just guess Mother Nature knew better, huh?" "I was so ashamed." "Cause I felt... relieved." "All of a sudden, I just... needed a different life." "And you've done real well for yourself." "I'm proud o' you, Mel." "I'm just sorry I never danced with you at our weddin'." "I'm sure this next one's gonna go better for you." " Jake, I can't do this." " Hey, hey." "I know." "Go home." "Now, I'm just sayin', is all." "I mean, I..." "I saw the way you two were lookin' at each other." "Will you just shut up about it, momma?" "I can't help the way Jake feels about me." "He hasn't done anything wrong." " He hasn't done anything right either." " I can't believe we're having this argument." "I'm leaving, I'm gone." "I'm marrying another man." "Yes, that's right, young lady." "You get a second chance, so, please, don't mess it up." " For who?" "For me or for you?" " Don't sass me, okay?" "Don't you dare sass me cause I have put up with an awful lot from you over the years." "Like what?" "Like me quitting your precious pageants?" "I didn't want you to end up like me!" "Damn it!" "Now, you need to stay as far away from here as you can." "That boy is quicksand." "What's so wrong with being you, momma?" "I just think that..." "you deserve better, that's all." "I know you do." "You always have." " I'll see you in New York, all right?" " Mm-hm." "You'll like it." "I promise." "And don't you forget to say goodbye to your daddy." "Fire!" "Fire!" "Daddy?" "Daddy?" "Daddy!" "Who you lookin' for, darlin'?" "Earl Smooter." "Fifth..." "Regiment?" " Anybody seen Earl Smooter?" " He's about to surrender!" "Thank you!" "After you." "Good afternoon." " How are ya?" " Good, thanks." "Yourself?" "No complaints." " This is a beautiful house." " Sure." "You, uh... you're here to see Bobby Ray?" "Actually, I'm... hoping to surprise Melanie." " Melanie?" " My fiancee." "You got the wrong house, don't you?" "This is, uh, the Carmichael place, isn't it?" "Are we talkin' about the same girl?" " Melanie Smooter?" " Melanie Carmichael." "Oh..." "Well... that explains it." "It sure does." "Andrew Hennings." " Jake..." "Perry." " Nice meeting you, Jake." "Hey, Jake." "What's goin' on?" "Oh, you know." "Just, uh... talkin' to Mel's fiance here." "Wonderin' if you might know where she is." "Oh, Andrew Hennings." "You must be..." "I-I'm Bobby Ray." "Her, uh... cousin?" " I-I see you've already met Jake... her, uh..." " Her other cousin." "Family." "God." "It's great to meet you both." "I think Melanie said somethin' last night about, uh, visiting her daddy... up at the..." "up at the battlefield." "The battlefield?" "You know us, Southerners, we... the minute the Confederacy died, it became immortal." "C'mon." "I'll, uh..." "I'll give you a ride up there." "That's great, thank you." "All right, nice meeting you." "So, who's..." "Melanie..." "Snooter...?" " Local hero around here." " Why's that?" " She blew up the bank." " And that made her a hero?" "Well... notorious anyway." "She was ten." "Fortunately, nobody was hurt..." "except maybe the cat." "What cat?" "The one with the dynamite on its back." " She blew up a cat?" " Ah, it was scheduled to die anyway." " From dynamite?" " The vet said it had cancer." "So, Eldon thought it'd be put in one o' those chambers, you know, the ones that suck their lungs out?" "Little Mel, she couldn't bear the thought o' that." "She, uh... she wanted somethin' more humane." "Yeah, sure." "So, they were doin' some blastin' by the new highway, so, we, uh... we took ol' Fuzz up there, taped him up..." "We used about, I don' know, 30 feet of fuse, just to be on the safe side..." " ... said our prayers and ran like hell." " Of course." "So, there we were, sittin' in Virgie's diner... feelin' pretty blue, when Mel looks up and sees that damn cat trotting' down the road, searching' for Eldon." "No shit." "Shit." "And we woulda caught 'im too, but, once that fuse hit his tail, bow, he took off like a shot." "And into the bank." "Thing here is he probably wriggled loose from the explosive cause, uh, people still see 'im from time to time, scorched tail and all..." "He's a lil' skittish round humans." " That's quite a story." " She was quite a girl." "Whatever happened to 'er?" "Oh, you know..." "Wound up pregnant... married some loser right outta high school." "Surprised?" " What are you doing here?" " I came to deliver your fiance." " I think she was talking to me." " Jake..." "Must be exhausting'." " What?" " What?" " Livin' a lie." " What's he talking about?" "You and I are in love with two different people." "Is he a second cousin?" " He's my husband." " Your what?" " I mean, my ex-husband." " You married your cousin?" " No, I came down here to finalize my divorce." " Jesus Christ!" "Melanie!" "Hey, darlin'." "I thought that was you." "This must be your new someone." "Earl Smooter." "Glad to meet ya." "Melanie Smooter..." "Andrew, wait!" "Wait!" "Andrew!" "Wait!" "I just..." "Please!" "Let me try and explain myself." "You don't understand." "This is not who I am any more." "Look, I don't know who you are, and what else you lied about, but I know one thing." "There is a Lear jet in Mobile and I.. am on it." "I know you're thinkin' I spoiled things good this time." "Don't go accusing' me o' thinkin'." "I ain't doin' anything o' the sort." "Anyway, spoiled's in the eye of the beholder." "Like these plums here." "Some people might call 'hem spoiled... but I think that, uh, these almost ruined ones... sometimes make the sweetest jam." "Do you need help?" "It was kinda fun seeing daddy up there surrendering." "Yeah." "He sure does have a flair for the dramatic." "You certainly don't get it from my side of the family." "Hey, y'all..." "Look who I found walking' down 958." "Hi." "Hi." "I thought you'd be halfway to New York by now." "So did I." "Ooh, if I'd known... company was comin', I'd have put on the dog." "This is my momma." "She makes the best jam in three counties." "And my dad." "You... you already met him." "Yeah." "And this is our home." "This is where I grew up." "It's a pleasure meeting you both." "I'm Andrew Hennings, Melanie's fiance." "Well..." "That is..." "if she'll still have me." "Look, Mel..." "I really don't care what happened down here." "So, you have a past." "I mean, who doesn't?" "What I need to know... is if there is a place for me in your future." "Oh, good Lord, that is the sweetest thing." "Go on." "Ah..." "Hello, New York City." "Woman, what are you gassing' about?" "Well, sir... my mother happens to be the mayor up there." "And, uh, she'd like nothing better than a big, snazzy New York wedding." "Well..." "I suppose I could take off work." "Andrew, I, um..." "I must say I was thinking maybe we could have the wedding here." " Here?" " In my hometown." "If you're worried about the money, don't." "It's not about the money, Andrew." "Not down here." "You know... a lot o' people are expecting us to get married in the city." "But I think a nice quiet country wedding is just the ticket." "Earl..." "Pearl, if you... if you folks could..." "take care of the rehearsal dinner," "I'd really like to take care of the rest." "Well, I think we could cover that." "Heck!" "How many times does your only daughter get married?" "Other than before." " Felony Melanie?" " She was never convicted." "Oh-ho-ho!" "I don't know which is worse, child cat-killer or sons of the Confederacy?" "What would you suggest I do, mom?" "Dump her for being poor?" "You're supposed to be a Democrat, remember?" "There is nothing wrong with being poor." "I get elected by poor people." "And I'm a big enough person to commend her for making something of herself." "What upsets me is that she lied to you." "So what?" "She was ashamed of her background." "I mean, who hasn't been embarrassed by their parents at some point or another?" "I'm going to assume that was a rhetorical question." "Assume away." "No one is gonna change my mind about this." "Not you, not the media, not anyone." "Fine." "But admit it." "I was right." "Yes." "You were right." "But she came clean." "Now can we move on?" "There is a wedding in your future, whether you like it or not." "And how exactly does little Miss Alabama plan to accommodate 500 people?" "I suppose she has connections at the jail." "There are several excellent choices." "The Travelodge, Days Inn, Motel 6... oh, and the Golden Cherry Motel, where we will be." "Laugh now." "But if this gets out..." "It won't." "The press expects the Plaza in June." "Now, let's talk about your wedding." "This place is gorgeous and we can control the security." "Oh, the Carmichael plantation?" "It did inspire your identity, did it not?" "You thought of everything, yeah?" "Well, I always do." "Been great." "Keep in touch." " You guys remember the sheik?" " Yeah." "Well, he proposed to me and I think I loved him, despite his billions." "Then why didn't you say yes?" "Because I hesitated long enough to realize my head and my heart were saying two different things." "Well, it's a big decision." "Well, it's supposed to be the easiest one you ever made." "Wasn't it?" "Hey, Tabby, this is it!" "This is the stuff I was telling you about." ""Deep South Glass."" "Oh, yes." "Let's." "Ooh, that's pretty." "What's the matter?" "Oh, my God." "Do we know..." "Mo?" "Mel?" "Wow!" "Look at these." "It's what happens to sand when it struck by lightning." " She's pulling your dick." " No, really." "I've seen it." "You just have to dig it up." " Hey, Bryant." " Friend o'f yours?" " Hey." " Hey." "I saw 'im first." "I, uh, think he's already taken." "I, um..." "I tried to call you a couple o' times." "Listen, since you're here, you and your friends should, you know, look around and... have some lunch..." "You know, you sould sit on the deck." "It's nice." "Jake." "Come on, Bryant." "Let's, uh..." "Let's leave this lady alone." "Come on." "Yes, sir." "Can we help you?" "I-I-I'm looking for a Melanie Carmichael." "Anybody here recognize that name?" " What business you got with her?" " I'm afraid that's a private matter." "Well, then I'm afraid we can't help you." " Damn reporters." " It's like the first ant at a picnic." "Now..." "This one here is from Louisiana." "See?" "It's got a little alligator on top." "How sweet." "I can see where your daughter gets her taste." "This is one of those disasters waiting to happen." "You know, one of the big ones only cockroaches survive." "It's going to be fine." "One down, seven million to go." "Careful." "You just smashed the state bird of Alabama." "Oh, Pearl." "Well, finally." "Oh, my, my." "Well, I can see why Melanie is so adorable." "I'm so happy to be here." "Hi, Earl." "We're so happy to have you here." "I'm sorry the place is such a mess, Mrs. Hennings." "Mayor!" "No, no, no, no, no." "Don't you dare, it's Kate." "You know, I've been tryin' to get Earl to weed these shrubberies and repaint the trim and everythin'..." "Oh, my God!" "Look how pretty she is, Earl." " Yeah, I bet Kate could use a drink." " Kate could indeed." "Well, just come right on then." "I've got some fried pickles, hot right outta the grease." "Yum." "It's-it's a lovely chair, Earl." "Yeah, but to get the full effect, you gotta pull this here handle." "Daddy, no!" "It was quite a deal." "Hold onto your drink, Kate." " Name?" " Uh, Buford." "Wallace Buford." "I'm not on that list but I've got some urgent business with the bride." "Not today, you don't." "Trooper..." " All right, sir, let's get it turned around." " Let's go." "Hi." " There's a weddin' goin' on." " Yeah, I heard a mention of it a time or two." "I sure hope this weather cooperates." "It's supposed to be a big one." "You know, Jake... you're my only son..." "and I love you." "But sometimes... you are too much like your daddy." "She made her decision, mom." "For somebody who's been holdin' on to somethin' so hard, you're pretty quick to let it go." "You know, I can't control her any more than I control the weather." "It's just nerves." "You're doin' the right thing." "Am I?" "When I married your daddy..." "oh, Lord, I was a fool for that man." "I couldn't put one foot in front of the other." "And I was standin' there thinkin' "Oh, preacher, hurry up before he changes his mind."" "Look where it got me." "Sometimes that man makes me so mad I could just wring his neck." "But you still love 'im..." "God knows I do." "And only He knows why." "Momma..." "He can-he can give you a life..." "that we never dreamed of." "And he adores you." "He does, doesn't he?" "Well, even if he is a yankee, at least he's sober." "Miss Carmichael!" "Get here!" "Get back here!" "Miss Carmichael!" "Mr. Buford?" " Get your hands off me!" " Wait!" "Let 'im go!" "Melanie?" "You are one hard woman to get in touch with." "Mr. Buford, he signed the papers." "What are you doing here?" "He did." "You didn't." "What?" "You mean I'm still married?" "Well... only if you want to be." "For God's sakes, Melanie..." "I thought you took care of this." "It's an honest mistake, Andrew." "Well, then can we fix it before we all get soaked?" "Does anybody have a pen?" " Mom?" " Oh, yeah, sure." "Darlin'?" "These things don't just happen, you know." "You can't ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean." "Andrew?" " You don't wanna marry me." " I don't?" "No." "No, you don't." "Not really." "You see, the truth is..." "I gave my heart away a long time ago." "My whole heart." "And I never really got it back." "And, uh, I don't even know what else to say but..." "I'm sorry." "I can't marry you." "And you shouldn't wanna marry me." "Wow!" "So this is what this feels like." "That's... it?" "You're just gonna let her humiliate you with some bullshit about an old husband?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I think I am." "Excuse me." "You..." "In my entire life," "I have never met anyone so manipulative, so deceitful..." "And I'm in politics!" "I'm just tryin' to be honest." "I will not allow the future president of the United States to be dumped at the altar by some psycho Daisy May!" " You go after him, you little bitch!" " Wait." "Just a minute now here, missy." "Now, there... there's no need for name callin' now." "Now, she spoke 'er piece and that's all there is to it." "Oh, go back to your double wide and fry something." "Nobody talks to my momma like that!" "Praise the Lord!" "The South has risen again!" "Hey!" "Y'all!" "If you're friends of the bride, stick around!" "I'm gonna go find me a groom!" "Hey, cowboy!" "You owe me a dance." "Nice dress." "Where's your husband?" "I'm lookin' at 'im." "Apparently, you and I are still hitched." " Is that right?" " Yeah." "Why didn't you tell me you came to New York?" " I needed to make somethin' o' myself." " You about done?" "What is it about you Southern girls?" "Can't make the right decision" " till you tryin' all the wrong ones?" " At least I fight for what I want!" "Oh, what do you want, Melanie?" "I don't even think you know." "You're the first boy I ever kissed, Jake." "And I want you to be the last." "Maybe you and I had our chance." "Fine!" "Have it your way, you stubborn ass!" "What do you wanna be married to me for anyhow?" "So I can kiss you anytime I want." "What the hell are you two trying' to do?" "Get yourselves killed?" "What seems to be the trouble, officer?" "I'm here to bring you in, young lady." "What'd she do this time?" "Well, the way I hear it, it seems she ran out on a perfectly good cake!" "Here we go..." "Well, folks." "Look who finally made it to their reception." "Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. and Mr. Jake Perry!" "You might wanna keep those for the honeymoon." "Hey, hey, hey!" "Speech!" "Speech!" "Well..." "I do believe I owe this lady a dance." "You sure do!" "Shut up, Bryant!" "Look at this." "Hey, Stella." "Make it a slow one." "Let's show in." "Smile!" "All right." "All right, stand right here." "All right." "Stand real close!"