"and then Skeletor gets angry and wants to fight him!" "That's not the trailer for Terminator 5." "That really happened." "Skeletor's real?" "That's not Skeletor." "That's Terminator's wife." "Skeletor's a lady?" "God dammit!" "Who the fuck do they think they are?" "This is the last fucking straw!" "I am going to fucking kill everybody!" "I am so sick of this fucking school!" "This stupid school and principal have gone too far this time!" "273)}– You get in trouble again?" "– I didn't do a damn thing!" "I told you." "This school is a den of snakes!" "You won't believe what they did this time." "We're trying to eat." "You think I'm overreacting again?" "Not this time!" "and it affects everyone of you." "You remember the school physical we all took last week?" "The school put the sizes of all our penises up on a big chart in the school hallway!" "they fucking did!" "Why would they put up the sizes of our wieners?" "Because they don't fucking care!" "I've told you this." "They don't give a shit about us." "They live to make us miserable." "273)}– That doesn't make any sense." "– Go look for yourselves!" "you see?" "Can you fucking believe it?" "273)}– Is that really all our wiener sizes?" "– Yeah!" "Look at it!" "Eric Cartman 1.2″." "Why would they tell everybody?" "but don't put me on blast!" "2.4″." "That's about right." "2.2″." "Is that good?" "How big do they say mine is?" "I told you they would be interested in how much they grew since their last physical." "You're right." "They really seem into it." "It says mine's only 2.1″." "That doesn't seem right." "Sherlock!" "My dick isn't 1.4″ either." "It isn't!" "This is another conspiracy by the school faculty." "A conspiracy?" "They're trying to stir up some big thing again." "Get all the girls all heated up over which boy has the biggest shlong!" "This has to be dealt with!" "Everyone's already seen it." "Nothing we can do about it." "There's something we can do about it." "they're at least getting it right." "We are going to remeasure!" "2.3″." "witnesses?" "That's .2″ more than what they said." "273)}– All right!" "– Nice one." "next." "Whip it out." "It's a little chilly in here." "Let's see what you got going on down there." "Wait." "The cold is making it shrink some." "little feller?" "– I don't have time for this." "I can't wait if your wiener is pulling a scared turtle." "He's coming back out." "There he is!" "Who's a little guy?" "All right." "Looks like we have... 2.4″." "273)}– Really nice." "– I'm hung like a horse!" "That's everybody." "Let's go post these numbers." "273)}– What?" "– Didn't you forget something?" "What?" "You measured everyone's wiener except for yours." "I measured mine this morning." "It's right here at the top." "13.7″?" "It's pretty good." "Your wiener is not 13″ long!" "We all got measured with witnesses." "You have to too." "What are you guys gonna do?" "Measure my penis yourselves?" "273)}– Are you homos?" "– You just did that to everybody!" "whatever!" "Go ahead!" "That's good." "A little higher on Craig's side." "273)}– "Actual boys' penis sizes"?" "– Gross!" "it's 1.4!" "What?" "My wiener's smaller than the others'?" "I don't care!" "I'm very happy with my wiener." "why would I have called for this poster to be put up at all?" "Don't forget that this was all my idea!" "Eric Cartman to the principal's office immediately." "God dammit!" "Let me guess." "I'm in trouble again." "273)}– You're darn right." "– For what?" "Why did you measure all the boy students' penis sizes and put the results on the school bulletin board?" "Why did you do it and put the results on the school bulletin board?" "273)}– What?" "– I don't care if Obama is president. telling the world the lengths of their dicks!" "Are you talking about the numbers we published from the physicals?" "You're damn right!" "1.2″!" "I'll have you know that my penis is a respectable 1.4″!" "but it's .2″ bigger that you said!" "The numbers we put up were height differentials." "We thought it would be fun to put up how much each student has grown in height since their physical last year." "You grew 1.2″." "Those weren't our dick sizes?" "Why would we publish the length of our students' private parts?" "273)}– I don't know." "Why would you?" "– We didn't!" "Crap!" "Everyone knows my wiener is smaller because of me?" "This is exactly the kind of thing we are always talking about. and you cause bad things to happen." "you've done it to yourself!" "God!" "Why couldn't I have taken a minute to think?" "Because you have an anger problem." "I don't! some rage addiction..." "It could be a lot of things." "but he's not all bad." "Let's try an experiment." "I wanna see what kind of things trigger you." "How do you think you would react if I said negative things about you?" "I wouldn't really care." "What if I were to tell you that I think you're fat?" "I think you're a fat little boy." "I think you're way too fat for your age." "Does that make you feel any anger?" "fatty?" "Jelly belly?" "you little fat fuck." "You get angry when someone tells you you got tits like a 40-year-old woman?" "Fat boy?" "You like that?" "Shitty titty jelly belly?" "He's a big boy!" "Get that fatty some mud flaps for his ass!" "Big ol' jiggly fatty butt!" "I just don't see it." "Your son doesn't seem to be triggered by anger at all." "He's one of the more even tempered children I've ever seen." "says it's an emergency." "Excuse me." "what..." "Calm down." "What do you mean?" "Web chat with what..." "I would never..." "I don't have a criminal record..." "Who is Mitch Connor?" "There can't be a police report." "There's no..." "Put down the gun!" "Sweetie..." "Put down the..." "I'm not fat." "I'm big-boned." "Thank you for coming." "because we've had a little incident at the school." "The 4th-grade boys measured their penises and posted results in the school hallway." "dear." "This issue can have a troubling effect that can get blown out of proportion." "Did they measure from the base or from the balls?" "How did this school let this happen?" "boys' fascination with their genitalia is a natural thing." "We simply need to find a way to help the students understand what they've done." "I'm a scientist." "I think it's best I handle this." "students." "My name is Dr. Marsh." "I'm gonna talk to you a little bit about what happened yesterday." "How do a man and woman make a baby?" "Anybody?" "what do they do to make a baby?" "you." "273)}– They have sex." "– Good!" "The man puts his penis... into the woman's vagina." "a man... can feel like how long his penis is is actually important." "But is it? the truth is it doesn't really matter." "What does matter is... divided by angle of the tip squared." "we can't just use a tape measure." "We need a scale and a protractor as well." "Let's look at it on the graph." "Follow along with me on your study sheet." "I want to congratulate all of you for making the effort to come to anger management class." "We didn't make any effort." "We didn't have a choice!" "This is bullshit! and how to better deal with it so we don't get into trouble anymore." "So lame." "Why doesn't everyone just die? it's not a my fault he gets a city chicken poured all over his fucking head!" "We have good reason to be angry." "This country is going to shit! and our president is a socialist who wasn't even born in America!" "Right." "What we all need to do is channel our reasons for anger and learn to control it." "mah." "mah." "mah." "Why the fuck am I here?" "I know you want to control your anger and become a better person." "I got problems like these fucking people?" "I'm not saying that at all." "I'm saying how amazing you are for wanting to... lessen some of your more... less awesome attributes." "That's cool." "by dividing the weight and the girth of the penis by the angle or the..." "What do we call it again? what we finally get is the adjusted penis size or TMI." "little girl over there." "What's a penis?" "Good question." "The penis is... the thing we're talking about that boys have that we're measuring." "Any other questions?" "So let's move on to the example on your study sheet." "could you read it for the class?" "please read the problem out loud." "Example one:" "Randy has a penis that is 4.4″ in length." "4.4″." "Its angle is 32°." "Its flaccid girth is 1″ in diameter." "His balls are 7 cm from the base." "7 cm." "Randy notes that the drift of his penis and its dead weight is .5 kg." "carry the one and we can see that..." "Randy's adjusted penis size or TMI is... 6.3″." "Do we got that? but his adjusted length is 6.3." "So how does our example person Randy compare to others on the TMI scale? we see that a TMI of 6.3 is .8″ more than the national average." "What we're going to do now is get to the root of all your anger." "could you stand up?" "What makes you the angriest?" "Stupid ass blind liberals!" "could you stand up and pretend to be a stupid ass blind liberal?" "And what makes you angriest?" "Scrawny ass sissies!" "Daniel's a scrawny ass sissy." "He just cut in front of you in line at the bank." "Go!" "What?" "You think I got a small dick?" "I don't have a small penis!" "My wife thinks it's perfectly fine!" "Why don't we do some role playing with Wayne D?" "Who gets angriest at his mom." "could you play Wayne D's mom?" "Yo bitch!" "You think you bad just cuz you a mom mah! but I still have a bigger penis than you!" "I don't have a small penis." "It isn't true!" "Enough!" "I'm sick of everyone talking about penis size!" "It doesn't matter!" "Does everyone here have an issue with their penis size?" "mah." "My penis is 13″ long!" "My name is Rebecca Turnoud." "I'm an actual doctor of human sexuality and behavior. and I'm here to set things straight." "God!" "I want you to try and forget these wild theories and understand that all that's important when it comes to a man and a woman making love is actually... divided by mass over width..." "Randy." "Say hi to everyone." "all of you!" "We've been trying to channel our anger in more constructive ways." "Why don't you share what's bothering you?" "You don't just go around changing math!" "Who is this chick Surgeon General appointed by Obama?" "God damn right!" "Socialist fascists!" "Power to the people!" "Burn it down!" "Burn it down!" "This is what we are here to try and work on." "Fuck you!" "We're burning this shit!" "If you take a minute to think about your anger... dude!" "mah!" "Welcome to FedEx." "How can I help you today?" "I've got some birthday presents I need shipped." "let's see what kind of... dude!" "Let's see how the government likes it when we shut down their Federal Express! where a radical political group has taken several people hostage. and they allowed me to speak with them moments ago." "This is a call to all angry people." "We've had enough!" "We'll hit the government where it hurts." "Right in the Federal Express!" "What exactly are you angry about?" "We're angry about this stupid liberal government media control and..." "And Jews!" "Jews and all the stuff that the government's doing!" "You've got a lot of people scared." "What are your demands?" "we want that Surgeon General to step down!" "273)}– And we want..." "– Obama's real birth certificate!" "We wanna see Obama's real birth certificate!" "And... mah! 'cause them bitches be tripping all the time!" "And I think that... 273)}– Is that it?" "– And fuck Kyle!" "And fuck Kyle! moms to stop tripping and fuck Kyle." "You got that?" "we're gonna bring the Federal Express to a grinding halt!" "Does it bother you that the FedEx is not affiliated at all with the federal government?" "That doesn't matter." "really?" "What are you doing?" "Homework." "I just don't get it." "and it's below average." "but my TMI says I have a micropenis." "273)}– Your TMI?" "– I don't understand it." "I'm starting to feel angry!" "Put your clothes on!" "What's the point?" "What's the point of life anyways?" "All you do is yell at me!" "And the government!" "It's lead by fascists!" "And everyone's a Justin Bieber wannabe!" "I wanna go and drive a hummer." "That's what I wanna do!" "I wanna drive a car that goes vram vram vram!" "What does driving a car have to do with your penis being small?" "Everyone who's pissed off and angry is rallying to take down America." "Join the fight! the American Apparels and the American Furniture Warehouse!" "and we've had enough!" "twelve more FedExes have been taken over." "The pissed off and angry party's gaining support." "They've shut down American Airlines and American Apparels all over the country." "We have to ask you to step down." "Are you seriously saying we're going to give in?" "They're all really angry." "We have to make them stop." "Is the team standing by to fuck that little boy Kyle?" "Team standing by." "273)}– Let me through!" "– Who is this?" "I believe I know why this is happening." "I have found a direct correlation between anger and TMI. plus yaw. very small dick." "but it doesn't matter." "which cannot be changed." "There's nothing we can do." "Isn't there?" "Isn't... there?" "We've waited long enough." "Let's kill these sons of bitches!" "They aren't gonna give us what we want." "Let's cap these bitches 'n' leave 'em in the back of the buildin'." "Come over here." "We're interrupting for a message from the Surgeon General." "the TMI scale was implemented long ago to assure that each and every American could accurately measure their junk." "The established equation is a hundred percent accurate. we are making one change. from 6″ to 1.5″." "Anyone with a TMI of over 1.5″ is considered above average." "The winds of change are blowin'" "There's excitement in the air" "Can you feel it?" "It's electric and magical" "The happy train's on track" "Because America is back!" "what?" "America is back!" "I still have a small wiener." "I'm still fucking angry!" "And we're back!"