"[***]" "ALL:" "* It's time for Animaniacs *" "* And we're zany to the max *" "* So just sit back and relax *" "* You'll laugh Till you collapse *" "* We're Animaniacs *" "BOTH:" "* Come join The Warner brothers *" "* And the Warner Sister, Dot *" "ALL:" "* Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *" "* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *" "* But we break loose And then vamoose *" "* And now you know the plot *" "* We're Animaniacs *" "* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *" "* Wakko packs away the snacks *" "* We pay tons of income tax *" "* We're Animaniacs *" "* Meet Pinky and the Brain *" "* Who want to rule The universe *" "* Goodfeathers flock together *" "* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *" "* Buttons chases Mindy *" "* While Rita sings a verse *" "* The writers flipped We have no script *" "* Why bother to rehearse?" "*" "* We're Animaniacs *" "* We have pay-or-play Contracts *" "* We're zany to the max *" "* There's bologna In our slacks *" "* We're Animan-y *" "* Totally insane-y *" "* Here's the flame-y *" "* Animaniacs *" "* Those are the facts *" "[***]" "[***]" "* Hi, ho, do you know *" "* The names of The U.S. residents *" "* Who then became The presidents *" "* And got a view From the White House loo *" "* Of Pennsylvania Avenue *" "[FLUSHES]" "* George Washington Was the first you see *" "* He once chopped down A cherry tree *" "* President number two Would be *" "* John Adams and then Number three *" "YAKKO:" "* Tom Jefferson stayed up To write *" "* The Declaration Late at night *" "* So he and his wife Had a great big fight *" "* And she made him sleep On the couch all night *" "* James Madison never had a son And he fought the War of 1812 *" "* James Monroe's colossal nose Was bigger than Pinocchio's *" "* John Quincy Adams Was number six *" "* And it's Andrew Jackson's butt He kicks *" "* So Jackson learns To play politics *" "* Next time he's the one That the country picks *" "* Martin Van Buren Number eight *" "* For a one-term shot As chief of state *" "* William Harrison How do you praise?" "*" "* That guy was dead In 30 days *" "* John Tyler He liked country folk *" "* And after him Came President Polk *" "* Zachary Taylor Liked to smoke *" "* His breath killed friends Whenever he spoke * * 1850, really nifty Millard Fillmore's in *" "* Young and fierce Was Franklin Pierce *" "* The man without a chin *" "* Follows next A period spanning' *" "* Four long years With James Buchanan *" "* Then the South Starts shooting cannon *" "* And we've got a civil war *" "ALL:" "* A war, a war down south in Dixie *" "[DINGING]" "* Up to bat Comes old Abe Lincoln *" "* There's a guy who's Really thinkin' *" "* Kept the United States From shrinking' *" "* Saved the ship of state From sinking' *" "* Andrew Johnson's next He had some slight defects *" "* Congress each Would impeach *" "* And so the country Now elects *" "* Ulysses Simpson Grant *" "* Who would scream and rave And rant *" "* While drinking whiskey Although risky *" "* 'Cause he'd spill it On his pants *" "* It's 1877 and the Democrats Would gloat *" "* But they're all amazed When Rutherford Hayes *" "* Wins just by one vote *" "* James Garfield someone Really hated *" "* 'Cause he was Assassinated *" "* Chester Arthur Gets instated *" "* Four years later He was traded *" "* For Grover Cleveland Really fat *" "* Elected twice As a Democrat *" "* Then Benjamin Harrison After that *" "* It's William McKinley At the bat *" "* Teddy Roosevelt charged up San Juan Hill *" "* And President Taft He got the bill *" "* In 1913 Woodrow Wil...son Takes us into World War I *" "[***]" "* Warren Harding Next in line *" "* It's Calvin Coolidge He does fine *" "* And then in 1929, the market crashes, and we find *" "* It's Herbert Hoover's Big debut *" "* He gets the blame And loses to *" "* Franklin Roosevelt *" "* President who helped us win In World War II *" "* Harry Truman Weird little human *" "* Serves two terms And when he's done *" "* It's Eisenhower who's got The power from '53 to '61 *" "* John Kennedy Had Camelot *" "* Then Lyndon Johnson Took his spot *" "* Richard Nixon He gets caught *" "* And Gerald Ford Fell down a lot *" "* Jimmy Carter Liked camping trips *" "* And Ronald Reagan's Speeches' scripts *" "* All came from famous Movie clips *" "* And President Bush said "Read my lips" *" "* Now in Washington, D.C. *" "* There's Democrats And the GOP *" "* But the ones in charge Are plain to see *" "DOT:" "* The Clintons Bill and Hillary *" "* The next president To lead the way *" "* Well, it just might be Yourself one day *" "* Then the press will distort Everything you say *" "ALL:" "* So jump in your plane And fly away *" "[***]" "[***]" "PINKY:" "Gee, Brain, what do you wanna do tonight?" "The same thing we do every night, Pinky." "Try to take over the world." "* They're Pinky and the Brain *" "* Yes, Pinky and the Brain *" "* One is a genius The other's insane *" "* They're laboratory mice *" "* Their genes Have been spliced *" "* They're dinky They're Pinky and the Brain *" "* Brain, brain, brain, brain *" "[***]" "NARRATOR:" "The American colonies." "A land of hope and opportunity for the many who came here." "Some came For religious freedom." "Some came for adventure." "I'm hunting wedcoats." "Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee." "And some came to take over the world." "At last, Pinky, a new world to conquer." "Egad, Brain!" "What is it, Pinky?" "I forgot to turn off the lights in the old world." "[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]" "Look, Brain." "An Indian uprising." "Those aren't real Indians, Pinky." "The colonists are revolting." "Oh, I don't know, Brain." "Heh." "I think those costumes are rather fetching in a neo-primitive sort of way." "I'm going to have to hurt you in a neo-primitive sort of way, Pinky." "MAN:" "We won't pay the British tax." "[ALL YELLING]" "Those colonists are opposing the tyrannical oppression of Great Britain." "They're carried away with the spirit of independence." "Narf!" "Don't look now, Brain, but I think we're being carried away." "BOTH:" "Whoa!" "Mm." "Earl Grey, Brain." "My favorite." "Heh." "Needs sugar." "One lump or two?" "[LAUGHS]" "Oh, I love that stupid joke." "[***]" "At last, Pinky, after a year of watching and waiting, it is time to put my plan into action." "You mean we're finally going to learn to harmonize, get a choreographer and move to Detroit?" "BOTH:" "* Ooh *" "* La-la-la-la *" "No, Pinky." "I'm talking about my plan." "Narf!" "Oh, right." "I am finally going to ascend to my rightful position in this budding democracy:" "emperor." "Take note, Pinky." "Mr. Jefferson over there is writing the Declaration of Independence." "All the governing principles of the new nation are being put into that document." "Egad, Brain!" "Oh. too bad it doesn't say anything about you being the leader." "Pinky." "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" "I think so, Brain." "Poit." "But where do you stick the feather and call it macaroni?" "Simply in your hat." "[***]" "We shall surreptitiously replace their Declaration of Independence with this:" "The Declaration of Obedience." ""We hold these truths to be self-evident" ""that a mouse named Brain shall be our leader." ""That's B-R-A-I-N." "Hurrah!"" "Ooh, I love that "Hurrah" part, Brain." "Hurrah!" "[GIGGLES]" "It's not too flowery, is it?" "Oh, no." "Just right." "Do you think they'll mind the part about changing the currency to cheese balls?" "Once this nation's Founding Fathers unwittingly sign it, they'll have no choice." "Hurrah!" "BRAIN:" "Everything is in place, Pinky." "In a few minutes, we will change the course of history." "Now, pay careful attention." "Step one:" "I will climb to the shelf above the signing table." "Step two:" "You launch the document, the trajectory of which I have meticulously calculated." "Step three:" "As I swing down toward the table," "I'll catch the ersatz document in midair and make the switch." "Egad, Brain, brilliant." "Wait." "Oh, no, no." "Won't they see what you're doing?" "Not at all, Pinky." "They are all wearing those ridiculous bifocals invented by Ben Franklin." "You can't see a thing through them." "[DOOR OPENS] [CHATTER]" "My moment of destiny is at hand." "The Continental Congress delegates are arriving." "I hope this signing goes quickly, Citizen Adams." "I have to get back to my experiments with electricity." "Oh, you and your experiments, Citizen Franklin." "Why don't you go fly a kite?" "Ha-ha." "Hm." "The Declaration of Independence." "Quickly, Pinky, get into position." "Oh, I love intrigue." "Hurrah!" "[***]" "Pinky...now." "[GRUNTING]" "[SCREAMS]" "Huh?" "[THUNDER CRASHING]" "[GRUNTS]" "Hm." "[GASPS]" "Oh, no." "Oh, no." "BRAIN:" "My Declaration." "Quickly, Pinky." "We've got to get it back." "What a lovely storm!" "Pinky, follow me." "BRAIN:" "Yes." "Once I get this Declaration signed," "I shall be a shining example of American leadership." "[SQUEALS]" "[BOTH GRUNT]" "Are you a leader now?" "Only in the field of electrical discovery." "[YELPS]" "[YELPS]" "The Declaration of Independence has been signed." "[BELLS DINGING]" "[***]" "What do we do now, Brain?" "What?" "What?" "What?" "[***]" "Come on, Pinky." "We've got to head to Europe." "I hear the French are revolting." "Narf!" "Well, mostly they're just rude, Brain." "What are we going to do in France?" "The same thing we do everywhere, Pinky:" "try to take over the world." "[WITH FRENCH ACCENTS]:" "*They're dinky They're Pinky and the Brain *" "* Brain, brain, brain, brain *" "[***]" "[***]" "[YAWNS]" "It's great to be back in action." "[SNIFFING]" "Anybody smell something?" "Like something burning?" "Oh, my gosh!" "It is burning." "This candle's on fire." "Run for your lives!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "No, wait." "What am I thinking?" "I am a fire." "Hey, I just woke up." "I'm groggy." "[YAWNS]" "So, what's on the agenda tonight?" "Oh." "A little writing, huh?" "Here we go again." "Well, you can count on me, pal." "I'll be your beacon in the night." "So, what do you call this opus you're working on?" ""The Landlord's Tale."" "Uh...you might want a catchier title." "Hm." "Uh." "But we can work that out later." "Mm." "Don't mind me." "I'll just read over your shoulder." ""Listen, my children And you shall hear" ""Of the midnight ride Of Paul Revere" "Hm." "Nice opening." "On the 18th of April In '75" "Hardly a man is now alive" "Who remembers that famous day And year." "[***]" "FLAME:" "He said to his friend" "If the British march" "By land or sea From the town tonight" "Hang a lantern aloft In the belfry arch" "Of the North Church tower As a signal light" "One if by land Or two if by sea" "And I on the opposite Shore will be" "Ready to ride And spread the alarm" "Through every Middlesex Village And farm" "For the country folk to be up And to arm." "FLAME:" "Then he said Good night." "FLAME:" "And with muffled oar" "Silently rowed to The Charlestown shore" "Just as the moon Rose over the bay" "Where swinging wide At her moorings lay" "The Somerset, British Man-of-war" "A phantom ship With each mast And spar" "Across the moon Like a prison bar" "And a huge black hulk That was magnified" "By its own reflection In the tide." "Meanwhile, his friend Through alley and street" "Wanders and watches With eager ears" "Till in silence around him He hears" "The muster of men At the barrack door." "The sound of arms And the tramp of feet" "And the measured tread Of the grenadiers" "Marching down to their boats On the shore." "[GASPS]" "[***]" "Then he climbed to the tower Of the church" "Up the wooden stairs With stealthy tread" "To the belfry chamber overhead" "And startled the pigeons From their perch" "On the somber rafters That round him made" "Masses and moving shapes Of shade" "Whoa!" "Ow!" "Up the trembling ladder Steep and tall" "To the highest window In the wall" "Where he paused to listen And look down" "A moment on the roofs Of the town" "And the moonlight flowing Over all." "Beneath, in the churchyard Lay the dead" "In their night encampment On the hill" "Wrapped in silence So deep and still" "That he could hear Like a sentinel's tread" "The watchful night wind As it went" "Creeping along From tent to tent" "And seeming to whisper "All is well!"" "[GULPS]" "A moment only He feels the spell" "Of the place and the hour And the secret dread" "Of the lonely belfry And the dead" "For suddenly all his thoughts Are bent" "On a shadowy something far away" "Where the river widens To meet the bay." "A line of black That bends and floats" "On the rising tide Like a bridge of boats." "Oh, my gosh!" "Meanwhile, impatient to mount And ride" "Booted and spurred With a heavy stride" "On the opposite shore Walked Paul Revere." "Now he patted his horse's side" "Now gazed at the landscape Far and near" "Then impetuous Stamped the earth" "And turned and tightened His saddle girth." "But mostly he watched With eager search" "The belfry tower of The Old North Church" "As it rose above the graves On the hill" "Lonely and spectral and somber And still." "And lo!" "as he looks On the belfry's height" "A glimmer, and then a gleam Of light!" "That would be yours truly." "He springs to the saddle The bridle he turns" "But lingers and gazes Till full on his sight" "A second lamp in the belfry Burns." "[***]" "He's my twin brother." "I'm the cute one." "Yeah, right." "One if by land or two if by sea." "[WHINNIES]" "[***]" "The British are coming!" "The British are coming!" "FLAME:" "A hurry of hooves In a village street" "A shape in the moonlight A bulk in the dark" "And beneath, from the pebbles In passing, a spark" "Struck out by a steed Flying fearless and fleet." "The British are coming!" "That was all!" "And yet, through The gloom and the light" "The fate of a nation was riding That night" "And the spark struck out by That steed, in his flight" "Kindled the land into flame With its heat." "I like the part about the flame." "Good stuff." "He has left the village And mounted the steep" "And beneath him Tranquil and broad and deep" "Is the Mystic Meeting the ocean tides" "And under the alders That skirt its edge" "Now soft on the sand Now loud on the ledge" "Is heard the tramp of his steed As he rides." "It was 12 by the village clock" "When he crossed the bridge Into Medford town." "He heard the crowing Of the cock" "[CROWS]" "And the barking Of the farmer's dog" "[BARKING]" "And felt the damp Of the river fog" "That rises after the sun Goes down." "The British are coming!" "The British are coming!" "[***]" "The British are coming!" "It was 1 by the village clock" "When he galloped Into Lexington." "He saw the gilded weathercock" "Swim in the moonlight As he passed" "And the meeting-house windows Blank and bare" "Gaze at him with A spectral glare" "As if they already stood aghast" "At the bloody work they would Look upon." "The British are coming!" "[BELL RINGING]" "It was 2 by the village clock" "When he came to the bridge In Concord town." "The British are coming!" "The British are coming!" "[SHEEP BLEATING]" "He heard the bleating Of the flock" "And the twitter of birds Among the trees" "And felt the breath Of the morning breeze" "Blowing over the meadows brown." "The British are coming!" "The British are coming!" "And one was safe and asleep In his bed" "Who at the bridge would be First to fall" "Who that day would be Lying dead" "Pierced by a British Musket ball." "You know the rest." "In the books you have read" "How the British Regulars Fired and fled" "How the farmers gave them Ball for ball" "From behind each fence And farmyard wall" "Chasing the redcoats Down the lane" "Then crossing the fields To emerge again" "Under the trees at the turn Of the road" "And only pausing To fire and load." "So through the night Rode Paul Revere" "And so through the night Went his cry of alarm" "To every Middlesex village And farm." "The British are coming!" "The British are coming!" "A cry of defiance And not of fear" "A voice in the darkness A knock at the door" "And a word that shall echo For evermore!" "For, borne on the night-wind Of the Past" "Through all our history To the last" "In the hour of darkness And peril and need" "The people will waken And listen to hear" "The hurrying hoof-beats Of that steed" "And the midnight message Of Paul Revere." ""By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow."" "We're finished." "All right!" "Nice poem, Hank." "There's just one thing to fix." "The title's still a little weak." ""The Landlord's Tale" just doesn't cut it." "Hm." "How about something exciting?" "Something like, "Night Of The Flame,"" "or "The Light In The Tower Window" or" ""Paul Revere's Ride."" "Yeah." ""Paul Revere's Ride." Perfect!" "Well, glad I could help brighten up your night." "And remember..." "[YAWNS] if you ever need me again, just ring." "[***]" "[BELLS RINGING]" "[WHINNIES]" "[***]" "ALL:" "Ciao, America!"