"ANGEL-FILM in cooperation with RUSSIAN PROJECT Studios" "LET US MAKE LOVE" "Hey Seal, did I get dressed too quickly?" "Hi." "Oh, there you are at last!" "Was I supposed to think you were murdered or something?" "And that was the best thing I could think of!" "You could call, it's been a week!" "Where are my dark trousers?" "They are so comfy." "I really Missed them." "Lyuba!" "Do you think I should settle down?" "Like get married and all?" "1, 2, 3... 6. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6." "I had an awful night." "My back is sore, just couldn't sleep." "Yeah, me too." "Is it serious between you two or is it just sex?" "I can understand if it's serious, but if it's just sex - why do you have to kick me out?" "Don't complicate things, you always do that." "And that's why you've never scored with a girl." "...Love manifests itself as a free spontaneous expression of one's personality." "Love is something one can neither summon nor overcome." "Love is a very complex phenomenon, for it's a fusion of contrasts, be that things biological or spiritual, personal or social, intimate or universal:" "events accidental or predetermined." "Two organisms meeting at a certain time in a certain place - is an accident." "But these organisms have met for a certain reason." " That means they had to meet." " So: one should date organisms!" "Postnikov, how do categories 'predetermination' and 'accident' correlate?" "Once, when I was in the Army, we were standing guard at a POL warehouse." "And suddenly two girls came." "They came because they were determined to see ensign Lobusov." "But they have climbed the fence in the wrong place and accidentally they met me." "Hence - another date." "Tyulenev, what do you think?" "What prevails in life:" "predetermination or coincidence?" "It depends on luck." "Hi, I'm your DJ Mayonnaise." "Let us fill our dorm with the smell of dancing!" "Git down, yo!" "I said git down, people!" "I am waiting for a trolley-bus." "A Mercedes pulles up:" "it has tainted windows, so I can't see inside." "But I could just feel someone staring :" "Though, he wouldn't even slide down the window." "The trolley-bus is taking forever so I get pissed..." " And moon the guy." " And he fell in love with you?" "I got into the trolley bus." "When it was my stop, some dude was waiting, not my type but funny..." "He said : 'And I thought nothing can surprise me anymore.'" "They say you got a new boy-friend?" "Do you care or are you just making conversation?" "I don't." "Just curious." "And I don't care who you date!" "What do you want?" "Get lost." "Hey, you got me wrong." "I really don't care." "Who screws me?" "Exactly." "Seal, come here!" "Me?" "Seal, you're doing it all wrong." "Is this better?" "Take your hands off me." "It tickles!" "Take'em off!" "Are you trying to take off my bra?" "Why are you asking?" "Isn't it clear enough?" "Seal..." "Oh, please, not in the ear." "You think girls like to be kissed in the ear?" "And here?" "Or maybe you don't like this either?" "Go on." "I'll tell you when to stop." "I'll cry: 'Stop it, Seal.'" " Do I have to stop?" " Go on." " Does this tickle?" " Moron!" "I don't remember whether I've locked the door or not." "I was going to, but then we started kissing..." "Someone can walk in." "Lyuba, for instance." "She is the kind to enter without knocking." "So, the door was open after all." "She is not coming back." "You have my permission to go on." "Let's drink something." "Say, some coffee." "Seal, you shouldn't tease girls like that." "Let us not push things." "You don't like quick sex, do you." "I don't like quick sex." " When will you be ready?" " No more than five minutes." "Nothing special, happens to all men." " Not all men." " Hone said he had such moments." "Hone couldn't say such a thing!" "Why?" "Because Hone is a man, and you are a seal!" "That was quick." "It's all right." "All right:" "as in "you did not get any", is it?" "Yes." "You did not get none?" "You're taking chances here." "The first time is the first time." "One should be thoroughly prepared." "Liza is not an easy lay." "I told you this." "She has nothing to do with it." "It's my fault." "Oh yeah." "You laid an egg, man!" "Pasta from Ho Chi Minh!" "Try it now!" "You'll say 'wow'!" "I'll try again tomorrow." "I know what I did wrong." "Pasta is nice!" "Wholesale price!" "Contact telephone 256-56-56." " Try again with whom?" " With Lisa, who else?" "Try some pasta - you will see pasta is for you and me!" "The times are changing." "It used to be that girls were shy." "Nowadays, you go at it you give it your best and five minutes later she says it wasn't good." "It is all about reputation." "I told you you should practice..." " You gotta jerk off 3 times a day." " I did!" "Hi, Asia!" "I see you're happy I blew it with Lisa." "No, I'm not jealous." "Besides, we broke up a month ago." "When you're 1 8, one month is like 2 years for those who are 30." "So it's like we didn't do it for 2 years." "It is her fault, shouldn't have started that 'marry me' crap" "She called me by my name all of the sudden." "I thought she was kidding, or going on some SM trip." "She actually thought" "That I would become her husband." "Do I look like a husband?" "Man, they are so ugly." "But someone screws them too." "Chekhov claimed they laugh during sex." "Not groan or moan - just laugh." "You mean Chekhov screwed Asian girls?" "Can't a writer screw a girl?" "Did she say whether she wanted to go steady with you?" "She doesn't respect me." "Did you kiss for at least for five minutes?" " 5 minutes?" "Yes." " It's so like Lisa." "She can't do without that." "A fool!" "So, you two kissed." "And you didn't get it up?" "Are you sick or something?" "I was just nervous." "Of course, if you're a great writer, you don't care whether you're being laughed at or not,but I do." "Why go for Lisa?" "For your first time any girl would do." "Or better yet, a hooker." "You will not get laid here, before you make a reputation," "How can I make a reputation if I can't get none?" "Tolya." "I left my note-book here." "A note-book?" "Come on in." "Don't be afraid." "No one is gonna eat you here." "Seal?" "You're not gonna eat her, are you?" " Of course." " Oh, you." "Let's go to your room, baby..." "The girls think we just went for a quickie" "Like I was with her, kept my pants on, just forgot to zip up afterwards" "And, check this, all that without saying a word." "Now that is a reputation made!" "And what if we lie?" "You'll say I bring girls and give you no peace at night." "For them to believe, I would have to mention names." "And that is low." "If you give it to her good once, there will be no need for your bragging." "Girls don't like it when guys tell things about them." "They like to tell'em themselves." "So she mooned the guy..." "And what do you think he said to this?" "She mooned him from a trolley-bus?" "What matters is that she didn't get into his car right away" "And he said something like" "'You don't like Mercedes cars?" "That's fresh." "'Then I'll buy you a trolley-bus!" "'" " It's not for you." "Where is Hone?" " I dunno, he is off somewhere." "Hey, I'm out of tea." "Can you help me out?" "Would you just chill!" "Hey, what about XYZ?" "He picked that up from Hone." "Do you think anyone will buy this?" "Could not care less." "Lisa told me how dull you were." "But you are also dumb." " I didn't expect that." " It's a coincidence." " No, Seal, it's fate." " Oh, quit teasing the poor boy." "Lisa said you wanted to see some tits..." "Here, take a look." "You don't have to scream, do you?" "I got an exam tomorrow." "We're not screaming." "We just saw a guy with his fly down and voiced our criticism." "Oh you poor thing!" "You want some coffee and biscuits?" "How many studs?" " Seven?" " Ever seen anyone with 7 studs?" "Nope." "What else should I pierce?" "Maybe my belly-button?" "Did you like Lisa's belly-button ring?" " I didn't see it." " But you felt it?" ".." "Do talk." "When a man is silent he gets tiresome real fast." "If you're not a talker, you can ask me things." " Can a girl fall in love with me?" " No." "Why?" "You said no, but why?" "The way you eat is ugly." "You are not sexy." "And God knows when you will grow up." "Oh, Seal is here, again." " Hi, Igor." " Hi." "The keys, lipstick..." "Don't be mad at me." "I'm not coming today, tomorrow either." "Maybe I'll get married!" "." "The wedding is in three days!" "That went right over my head, but I am envious nevertheless." " Not sexy at all?" " Didn't you know it?" "I knew, but I still had some hope..." "People are talking about you." "You can't run such a risk." " From now on - only hookers." " That takes money." "Never start with cheap ones." "You can't afford to blow it again." " And if I wait?" " You've taken too long already." "You are right." "The rest you'd have to earn yourself." "Nah, I don't wanna work." "This should do for a blowjob." "Never look for an easy way out!" "Hey, who is up there?" "Hey!" "Speak up!" " It's me." " Are you a painter?" "I'm a student!" "Just trying to earn some money." "Standing my own meals." "What are you having for dinner?" "Don't know it's too early to say." "Oh yes." "The rich have dinner late in the evening." "And we are not rich!" "My mom is a teacher, and I'm a medical student." "I work at a judicial medicine lab." " You healing gangsters?" " No.I don't heal no one." "Well, you know..." "Say, you fall off the roof now and get plastered all along the curb." "They won't even be able to tell whether you were a man or woman." "So they will take you over to our Institute." "Can they tell whether a person was real hungry?" "I don't know." "I've only been working there for a month." "You care for an apple?" "Throw me the rope!" "I still haven't seen you!" " Are you good-looking?" " I'm ordinary." "Do you have a boyfriend?" "I loved one man." "He was older than me." "I sent him e-mails." "But he wouldn't answer me." "He thought I was a virus." "So, we never met each other, after all." "I was so close and he did not even notice me." "And where is love there?" "Love?" "In the morning I would wake up happy." " Love was invented by impotents!" " Why impotents?" "He can't get it up, so he tells a girl that it's because he fell out of love with her." "or he has never loved her." "U-huh." "Wait." "What did I say wrong, you fool?" "!" "Hey girls, hanging out on your own?" "Hey sis, just hanging here alone?" "You look so young, so tender, and at the same time - so sinful." "You must be very experienced in sex." "That's why men hang on you." "I did not think you'd come." "I thought you had enough dough already." "Hey, can you crash at Postnikov's tonight?" "I'm just short a little bit ." "I need 400 or 500 rubles." "I don't have it." "Can you give him 400 rubles so he'll get lost?" " I've only 200." " Is it serious or just sex?" " Just sex." " Then why are you kicking me out?" "Because you are a moron!" " I thought you were Lisa." " Lisa is getting married!" "To whom?" "To some dude, her 1 0 years elder." "He is a trolley-bus salesman." " Can one sell trolley-buses?" " Anything can be sold." "Seal, you just could not satisfy her." "So, now she feels disillusioned with the young generation." "Seal has nothing to do with this." "The echo of her first love lives in her heart." "And were does the echo of her second love live?" " Hi." " I am sleeping." "Why is the wedding so soon?" " She is pregnant." " By whom?" "You needn't worry." " Can you lend me 300 rubles?" " For what?" "Well..." "I want to buy me a hooker." "What would you like?" "Small breasts..." "Her hair... never mind." " Do you see these hookers?" " So?" " Can you give me a lift?" " Hop in." "...so I got her spread eagle on the back seat." "Then I saw that her look was fixed on something." " Do you follow me?" " Sure." " Should I buy condoms?" " They have condoms." "So I asked her:" "'What's the matter?" "'" "And she said : 'I want some milk.'" "So I bought her a carton, threw it on the back seat." "She started drinking the milk, but it happened to be sour." "The date had expired, you know." "Will you step out of the car or just turn away?" "I'll step out." "Don't worry." "She drank that milk and said :" "'I was born in a village." "'For the milk to stay fresh, we put a frog in it.'" "Then, some time passed." "Once, in summer, I was at my dacha and the fridge kicked off, and I remembered." "I found some toad and put it into the milk-can." "Maybe the milk did stay fresh, but the frog had shit into it all the way through!" "All I saw were the frog's horrified eyes and loads of shit!" "And I thought:" "'What a bitch!" "'" "How could I believe a hooker?" "Hi there." "What would you like?" "Small breasts, Her hair... never mind." " Small breasts...." " Nicely put." "Though breasts don't matter either." " How much today?" " 900 rubles, today and tomorrow." "We've stable prices." "On other corners they would charge you one thou and up." " I've only 650." " 600 is for a blow job." " No, I want it normal." " A blow job is normal!" "Everyone is happy with our blow jobs here." " I've 750." " You don't have a car?" "The girls can work in the parlor, or in a car." "In the parlor it will be 1,500, with a discount." " And in the car?" " But you don't have a car." "Hi." "Going home?" "Why don't you talk?" "I don't talk to strangers." "Very well then." "We don't have to talk." "Hey, bug off, you smell of fish." "Hey, I've a friend, he rents an apartment." "He's a cool guy." "We can buy you smthn to drink." "I've 750 rubles." "I smell of fish - so what?" " You must be used to this." " Leave me alone!" "I'm married." "You liar!" "You are a hooker!" "Hey, wait." "You gotta give no less than a half to the pimp, right?" "I got 750, that is more than a half." "They charge 1500 in the parlor:" "I don't think they are paying you extra for working there." "So, it's 900 and not 1500, that Would have to be divided by two." "That means you get 450 from a client, tops." "And I'm offering you 1,5 times as much!" "All right, you can rest." "We will meet in the afternoon." "In the afternoon I won't smell of fish, I promise." "Jesus!" "I'm so sick of you!" "Valery!" "Take his money." "Seal!" "Oh, it's you." "I'm staying up here, all bored." "And you are wandering the streets." "Your face covered with blood." "You live one hell of an interesting life, Seal." "You smell of fish." "What's with your face?" "She said to me:" "'I'll tell you when you should stop." "I'll say "Stop it, Seal"'" "But then she says: 'go on.'" "Pretty cute, isn't it?" "Lyuba told me she's getting married." "What do you think she wanted from me?" "If you keep on thinking about what they want, you'll never get it up." "With women, you should never offer them anything specific." "Nor should you expect them to offer anything specific to you." "I don't get you." "I myself realized this not long ago." "This is the way I see it" " When she says 'I'll tell you when to stop' that means she wants me to hold back." "I restrain myself - and all of the sudden she wants me to go at it." "But I can't- because I'm restraining myself!" "That's why I have no erection." "Erection or no erection - they are never happy." "Mine is up all the time, so I get crap from Alla because of it." "Who is that?" "There is such a thing as telephone, you blokes!" " It's the landlord." " Why so early?" "Trying to catch me offguard." "Hi, what a big surprise." "Playing the Conservatory today?" "Or is it the crematorium again?" "I was loading crates with shrimps all night long." "You advised me to become a coaler." "Great advice." "Only there is no coal to be found around here, tons of shrimp though." "So, in a week I'll pay you a 2 months' rent, all right?" "These sharks have no shame." "Won't give me a break." " I should find a better appartment." " What should I do?" " You enlist." " What?" "You go to the enlistment office." "They got some hot nurses there!" "Very experienced, sex machines!" "You get kick-ass sex real cheap - like a hundred rubles or two." "It's like you don't walk out, they take you out on a stretcher." "Were you taken out on a stretcher?" "No, but this one dude from our team was." "He came to in the car." "He was still high as a kite, all the way to the terminal." "It's Alla, coming from the night club." "Her's is an interesting life too." "She met a producer." "So, she goes to night clubs now." "Youth is slipping away." "And who knows when I'll get rich." "And maybe I'll never get rich." "A man should provide a beautiful woman with a beautiful life." "This way there is less fighting in the mornings." "My, long good byes..." "Alla is beautiful." "Are you jealous?" "In a way." "He looks like he's been around the block." "He is gotta be 35, no less." "He promised her a job as an anchor on television." " Cool." "And..?" " She doesn't believe him so far." " What about you?" " I don't believe him either." " But - what can I do." " Does that guy know about you?" "Of course not, he walks her as far as the doors only." "She tells him her parents are very strict." "It's suspiciously quiet!" "Gotta show'em how the strict parents welcome her back..." "Where have you been, you whore?" "Been treated to them lobsters?" "Don't come near her, honey:" "she got AIDS, that dirty junkie!" "You are such a bastard, Postnikov." " If I am, then what are you?" " Oh, quit it, Igor." "Now you, I am always glad to see." "Be quiet, he is still here." "She's been downing Martini's all night long again!" "Stop it, it's not funny." "Seal, don't repeat my mistakes." "Find yourself a hunchback, with sagging breasts and a harelip." "Platoon!" "Rise and shine!" "Order of dress - number two!" "Seal!" "Get up and fall in!" "Do you hear my command!" "Here is the severity of the Army life for you." "As ensign Lobusov used to say:" "the daylight hours start with the reveille signal ." "...Mildly cold in the North-West of the country." "1 0-12." "Gusts of wind." "A cyclone approaching from the west..." "You should not get so disheartened." "I didn't like my first time, either." "The second time I liked better." "Just like I always said." "Women have women's brains" "That granted, a women should never get involved in men's issues." "The most important thing is to be dressed accordingly." "Imagine yourself in a company of a bunch of drunk dudes wearing some pathetic rags." " Can you see it?" " Yes." "And?" " You shouldn't stand out." " And what if they jump me?" "Alla's 300 rubles should do you fine." "And I am going to give it to you!" "Seal!" "Look at this woman:" "bad as she is, she is the best I've encountered so far." "Postnikov, you're not hopeless." "...Pressure differential brought about atmosphere tides towards the East." "Whatcha looking at?" "Just standing there thinking." "What's there to think about?" " Where is my proctoscope?" " One moment..." "Align the formation!" "One, two, three!" "Straight leg!" "Left foot!" "Fall out!" "Conscript!" "Halt!" "You see, the point is..." "I changed my mind." "I will explain everything to you." "Oh yeah, but first you're still gonna have to get a hair-crop." "No, it's some misunderstanding." "I climbed the fence." "I'm too young for this." "Cross my heart." "I will never do this again." "I'm gonna go now." "We picked him off the fence." "Let go of me!" "I'll call the police!" "Please, let me go, it hurts." "I'm gonna stick my proctoscope up your asses." "And if even one of you creeps asks me if I see any deferment in there" " I'll make sure it's painful for all present." "I call your name from the list you come up, your mouth shut." "Sorry, I changed my mind." "I'm not in the mood." "He has arrhythmia." "Should I take his cardiogram?" "Please, let us not rush things." "I got so angry my hands are still trembling..." "Also I..." " Come here." " Me?" "Why are you taking me to the juvenile centre?" "We were instructed to bring the deserters there." "This can't be." "One has to be of age to be drafted." "It's not written on your mug how old are you." "Where are your friends and what are their plans?" "They're home." "They've no plans, they only have sex on their minds." "Sex is no obstacle to crimes." "Don't worry, you'll stay here for 30 days at most." " 30 days!" "For what?" " For nothing." "First we'll send a letter of inquiry and make sure there are no outstanding warrants on you." "Then we shall contact the commissariat." "A month is enough for us to get to know each other." "You're all big talkers, but when it comes to business..." "Let us call my friends." "And they will bring me my passport, some clothes." "I heard : a meteorite killed a Siberian tiger." "Not a Chinese guy - they number 2 bln - but a Siberian tiger." " There's only a hundred of those." " Why do you mention the tiger?" "He was also tremendously out of luck." "Let us start with the eggs, like the ancient Romans did." "There are 3 bln women on the Earth." "1 bln is too old for you, 1 bln - too young." "Half a bin will say you are not their type:" "and you wont like the other half." "So, please, when speaking to me, do not mention sex anymore." "No way." "We're all invited to Lisa's wedding." "You must come." "She's a bride now." "She ain't gonna give me none now, that's for sure." "A bride?" "No." "But don't you forget there will be other girls there." "It's a wedding!" "They all dream of becoming brides:" "hence a strong desire to spend a matrimonial night with smb." "I don't care about your future." "Where did you find this old goat?" "And what's with the trolley-bus crap?" "No civilized country goes in for trolley-buses!" "Trolley-buses!" "Soviet dinosaurs!" "Are you retarded or something?" "What trolley-buses?" " Are you trying to piss me off?" " No!" " You appeal to my conscience?" " You actually remember the word!" " Are you gonna talk about love!" " I am all ears." "Do go on." "Your conscience may rest." "You've nothing to do with this." " Are you sure?" " Yes." "And that is why I'm the last to find out?" "You didn't even ask my advice!" " I'm like nothing to you!" " That's right!" " You have a short memory." " What is there to remember?" " The most important thing!" " You mean, sex?" "Yes, sex!" "You think it is so unimportant?" "Just like warming up at a gym class?" "Katya said you were limp last night." "Failed your gym, did ya, huh?" "For Chrissakes!" "You know very well what I mean!" "It could be Katya, or Lena!" "We broke up!" "I've no obligations before you, I never had any in a first place!" "Continence is not for men." "Such is physiology!" "But a woman throwing herself at a stranger!" ".." "That is physiology too!" "Maybe." "But to get married to a total stranger!" "Only a fool can do this!" "What if Hone comes to the wedding?" "If I were him I wouldn't." "He won't come." "She hurt his feelings." "...The ancient Japanese believed that after death Man goes on living - in his posterity." "Only when there is no posterity - a Man dies entirely." "Their motivation was very simple:" "to come to terms with death." "Gordeeva." "What would be your take on coming to terms with death?" "We can stop thinking about death." "I've never died." "I've never had such experience." "Also I was late for the lecture." "So, will not thinking about it do?" "I can't accept your answer." "Lyuba?" "What would you say?" "We can film one's life on video." "After one dies, we can watch it." "This way a person may know that he left this recording and have an easier time dying." "I doubt whether it's possible." "But, nevertheless." "Anyone else?" " A woman can get married." " Excuse me?" "A woman gets married and changes her last name." "Say, a Gordeeva disappears by getting married." "She'll become some missus..." "Thus Gordeeva will be dead." "And it will be easier for that missus to really die, because she has had this kind of experience already." "I guess I am thinking like an ancient Japanese person would." " A stupid Japanese!" " You're the one who is stupid!" "Fascinating!" "My boring subject is a cause for such outbursts!" "You look like an idiot right now!" "Tochilin, you're absolutely wrong." "Getting married is not death, it's a new life." "A woman gets married to procreate children." "She simply wants to get married!" "For no reason!" "To anyone!" "I wanted us to get married!" "You turned me down." "Oh, really?" "She said" "'Tolya, let's get married!" "'" "Not calling me 'Hone', but 'Tolya'!" "I thought she was kidding!" "She got this crazy idea that I should become her husband!" " Do I look like a husband?" " Not like my husband!" " My husband loves me!" " Ha!" "Love!" "Nothing good ever came of it!" "Only suicides!" "Wedding dress!" "With the power vested in me by the state..." "Witnesses..." "Wedding rings, wedding cake, Mendelssohn wedding march!" "Love!" "What kind of a word is it?" "Congratulations." "Don't waste your time." "Pick a girl, introduce yourself, ask her for a dance." "Or: ask her for a dance and then introduce yourself." "Let your honey-moon be long, like a five-year term." "Children, if you take this road, you shall live by the Love Code." "You'll come to like my mom, she is funny." "Let us open your wardrobe:" "what do we see?" "I'll be back in a minute." "Child, the woman's weapon is her lingerie..." " Congratulations." " You are stupid, aren't you." "Yes, I know." "We can't help it, under the circumstances." "It's not circumstances, Tolya." "It's me getting married." "Oh, time and again." " You are a fool!" " I know." "You are so beautiful today." "A bride is always beautiful." "Tomorrow..." "I'll come over tomorrow." "And if you change your mind?" "No, I'll come." "Why should we wait for so long?" "Let's say good bye, I must go now." "You're crazy." "You too." "Take the redhead." "Redheads girls are great in bed." "It's common knowledge." "She's a bit too fancy for me, with all those diamonds." " Man, you are so insecure." " Besides, she's not alone." "So what?" "This is life." "Never mind her diamonds or her partner." " Guys, are you students?" " Yes..." "Am I not that beautiful anymore?" "That's normal." "You're no longer a bride." "I'm glad you understand." "Yes, I understand that." "Why are we like that:" "we eat, eat and eat and then we are hungry again." "Alla, take us along to that restaurant." "You'll introduce me to your producer as your brother." "Seal will be your cousin:" "he is fresh out of prison, - that's why this close crop." "Let your producer feed us." "I think I am going to dump him." "He is getting pushy." "How do you like that, Seal?" "Women make no sense." "One moment they like pushy men, the next they don't." "One moment- a long-term marriage, the next- a quickie in a toilet." "Does it make any sense?" "Of course not." "In sex nothing makes sense." "This is what they call a break-up!" "What a restless guy!" "It's late." "He is just begging for an ass kicking." " And what if it is not him?" " Who else?" " I may actually take offence!" " I thought it was the landlord." "Oh no." "I forgot all about him." "I've run out of cigarettes." "Do you guys smoke?" "No." "Are you her relatives?" "Boys - step out, girls - stay here." "'Gordeeva'." "Is it her?" " Which one is Tolya?" " Maybe that one over there." "Hi guys..." "Did you see Lisa?" "How is she?" "What a dumbass." "I told her to stay out of this." "But she went at them like a wild cat." "Did they beat her up too?" "Did they do something to her face?" "Tell her to come all the same." "If she is feeling self-conscious, tell her I promised not to look." "Lisa should think about divorcing that boxer husband of hers." "Because officially he is her husband." "What an asshole!" "Oh yeah." "But what would you do in his place?" "I don't know..." "Hey, whatcha doing?" "When Hone will look out the window he'll see it was us who did this" " ...and - he'll smile." " Great idea." "Kiss the bride!" "Kiss the bride!" "Apotheosis!" ".." "Thank God we didn't see her dead." " Yes..." " Because what is dead?" "She is just here no more." "Like she just went back home." "Or they expelled her." "They had their reasons to expel her." " Maybe." " Her grades were a disaster." "It's a miracle she passed her entrance exams." "I wonder what she was doing at the institute at all." "I wrote all the papers for Alla." "She is not stupid - just lazy." "I got gastritis because of her." "Lisa has just left and will never come back." " Why are you silent?" " I'm thinking." "About what?" "Alla said that nothing in sex makes sense." " She is right." " But what about Hone and Lisa?" "Sex has nothing to do with this." "It's passion." "What is love then?" "Imagine: you bail out of the plane and wonder whether your parachute will open." "Your heart sinking..." "You can't breathe..." "But you feel exultation." "Then - presto!" " your parachute has opened." "And you're happy." "Your heart leaping." "So, with closed parachute - it's passion." "With open parachute - it's love." "Is it love, between you and Alla?" " Do you wake up happy?" " Are you kidding?" "I'm nasty." "I knew this girl." "When she was in love:" "she would wake up happy." "You mean, you knew a girl?" "I did not tell you." "She is a lab assistant." "Say, there is nothing but bones left from somebody, she is able to tell whether it was a man or a woman." " Is this about love?" " I am talking about love." "It depends." "Where does this girl of yours work?" "Sub-faculty of judicial medicine." "Hey!" "It's super!" "They are all real kinky there!" " I don't even know her name." " Then call her." " Call her right now." " But how?" "If you're feeling shy, I can call her and do the sweet-talking." " I don't know her phone number." " The address?" "I only remember the house..." "I see." "Is she good-looking or just nothing special?" "I only saw her hands holding an apple, and her hair." "Marina. 1 8 years old!" "Stands 1 78 cm." "Excuse me, where is the forensic medicine sub-faculty?" " It's near the Cytology." " Thanks." "Beautiful word : 'cytology'." "Forensic Medicine sub-faculty." " A nail in the brains!" " Super!" "How do we know which of them is her?" "This is our worst nightmare." "It's blind-man's buff, you know." "Though, the fatsies do have their good aspects." "Alla is skinny, doesn't cook, that's why I've gastritis." "But if she were fat I wouldn't live with her." "I am so happy for you, and maybe for me too." " It's not her hair." " So what?" "I take the right one..." "You like the left one?" "Okay, take the right one, only make up your mind right now..." "Can't be a sore loser..." "Are you Igor and Postnikov?" " Hi, Marina." " Hi." "You are beautiful." " Hold your horses." " Which of you is Igor?" " He is Igor." " I am Igor." " Are you from general surgery?" " That's right!" "And are you keen on forensic medicine?" "No, I just wanted to meet you." "He is kidding." "We must write our papers." "The paper is on..." "nails in one's brains..." "Cytology is a yawner, you know." "It just puts me to sleep." "Seal, you wonder why that guy has a nail in his brains, right?" "Why is he calling you Seal?" "Because I'm meek and lacking sex-appeal." "He's kidding." "His nickname is derived from his last name." " Have I met you before?" " No you haven't." "Your voice seems familiar." "It happens." "My scientific director was Doctor Lobusov." "He sounded just like Freddy Mercury." "I mean,you close your eyes and it's Freddy." "You open your eyes - it's Doctor Lobusov." "Skeletized corpse..." "Decaying process..." "A bullet-wound in the temple..." "This head was discovered in a peat bog." "As for adipocere..." "I guess you can observe this during autopsies, colleagues." "A fracture in the was not inflicted by a blunt object it came about as a result of exposure to heat." "But I guess I didn't say anything new here." "Doctor, please..." " A frontal bone defect..." " I like her..." "She seems easy to get along with." " Nothing will come out of it." " I guess so." "She hasn't worked here long enough to just totally have lost her mind." "And this is a diorama:" "we've reconstructed the interior where a natural mummification, has occurred It is a very rare event, especially, in a room with the windows shut." "Was discovered 7 years after the fact of death." "A very difficult case on Rublev highway." "We had to determine the cause of death:" "a car accident, or a bullet wound?" "What do you think, colleagues?" "Until I become more familiar cytology," "I don't feel I can have an opinion." "Seal, that is just awesome." "What' so funny?" "Coachman Eremeev." "The year 1 898." "He killed single passengers and fed their bodies to pigs." " Isn't that spooky, colleagues?" " Seal..." "She's teasing us." "We lost." "We better get lost." "I'm staying." " I'm leaving." " Go ahead." "I should go:" "Alla is probably waiting." "Igor, I will understand if you leave too." " Why are you smiling?" " No, you are mistaken." "But you did smile." "You are not that oaf who spilled the paint from our roof?" "I pictured you more like some freak." "Me too, I pictured you like some ordinary girl." "You said you were ordinary." "But you are not ordinary." " I didn't like you then." " I grew wiser." " So quickly?" " It's not quickly." " It has been an entire week." " Okay, you grew wiser." "Why did you come then?" "I came to see you." "One senior student said he loved me the other day." "It was a 1 0 minutes long declaration." "He was so dramatic." "He just approached you?" "No, he has been running into me for a month, as if by accident" "I come to the chemicals room - and he is there." "I turn in my report - he is in the lecture-room." "And, imagine that, it's been going on for a whole month" " I see." " I was sick and tired of him." "And his declaration of love was lost on me." "So, for you to like a guy, he shouldn't talk at all?" "No, you can talk." "Only skip this 1 0 minutes crap and all this:" "'Oh, I'm wasting away..." "'I was thinking about you...'" "What did that guy said in the end?" "'Marina, give me your lips...'" "Should I just skip to that point?" "You don't understand!" "Marina, there is a moment in every person's life when one becomes either a man or a woman." "I didn't have such a moment yet." "Did not have it either, almost." "What do you mean by almost?" "I can tell you about it." "But please, don't laugh." "Or you can laugh, if you want..."