"Previously on The Affair..." "You don't remember me, do you?" "John Gunther." "We've actually met." "It was high school." "Swim meets." "And your marriage to the ex-convict who killed your brother-in-law." "How's that going?" "We're estranged." "But not divorced." "Well, the problem is, you seem incapable of putting that child's needs before your own." "Don't be a monster." "She is my child, and she needs me." "Mr. Solloway, we're treating this attack as an attempted homicide." "Cole is definitely a person of interest." "What about Alison Bailey?" "Someone tried to fucking kill me, and you got nothing." "I promise you, I am punishing myself already." "Alison." "You know, what you got there is an inmate violation." "I'm gonna hang onto this for a sec." " Come on." " Hey!" "Fuck." "I'm gonna keep this nice and safe." "Detective Stanton, I think I know who attacked me." "You can have Joanie on Tuesday for her birthday." "Maybe your bad decisions really are behind you." "_" "Alison?" "Can't believe I'm actually looking at you." "What are you doing here?" "I came to see you." "Thought I'd surprise you." "No, I..." "I-I can't." "If... if Cole finds you out here, he'll..." "He'll what?" "I'm sorry, I have to go." "I can't..." "Alison." "I got stabbed four days ago." "I know." "Sorry." "But I..." "I don't know what to do." "I can't be seen with you." "Well, then it's lucky I ran into you on this deserted road, 'cause I was about to start asking in town where you live." "Okay." "66 South Emden Road." "Meet me in 15 minutes." "Do not follow me home." "And do not park that in my driveway." " You don't like it?" " No." "You got out of prison and you bought a red car?" "No." "It's not mine." "It's a friend's." "So, what's she like now?" "She's good." "She's... intense." "Wonder where she gets that from." "You look awful." "Do I?" "Because I feel great." "So, what happened?" "Someone stabbed me." "Well, who?" "I'm not sure." "I never saw anyone." "Are you serious?" "Do the police have any leads?" "Not that I know of." "Jesus, Noah." "I'm so sorry." "Thank you." "Are you sure you're okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "I'm glad you're here." "And I..." "I want to talk about everything." "But you have to know" "I'm in such a precarious position." "Joanie's lawyer basically told me that if I have anything to do with you, it will ruin my case." "And I'm so close to regaining custody, so..." "I just..." "What are those?" "Just muscle relaxers." "Looks like Vicodin to me." "Is your neck hurting that much?" "Yes." "You have to be careful with that stuff, Noah." "It's addictive." "I know." "You have to leave in the morning." "I get it." "I'm sorry." "It's nice to see me just a little bit, though, right?" "Night." "Hey." "So, I..." "I have an idea." "Why don't we go to Block Island for the day?" " What?" " Well, you can't be seen with me here, so let's go somewhere else." "No." "What... are you insane?" "That's the million-dollar question." "No, I..." "I'm not having eggs with you." "I'm not taking a stroll with you." "I'm... not going anywhere with you." "In fact, I..." "Can you look at this, please?" "What is it?" " Divorce?" " I need you to sign those." "It's no-contest." "I told my lawyer that I don't want anything from you." "I just want a clean slate." "That's a pretty big thing to drop on me, isn't it?" "What, you... you won't sign them?" "I just don't think I'm ready to give up on us yet." " My God." " What?" " You have to hide." " Why?" " Quick, it's Cole." " Fuck that." " No, please, go in the back." " I'm not hiding from him." " Get out the back." " You're my wife." "Please?" "Just... go." "Fuck." "Fuck." "Shit." "Go!" " Hi." " Hey." "Can I come in?" "Yeah." "Yeah, come in." "You okay?" "Yeah, I think so." "Are you?" "No." "Not really." "No." "No, no, no, no." "Me neither, I'm..." " What were we thinking?" " Yeah, right, I know." "We can not do this." "It's insane." "No." "No, I know, um..." "We had our chance and we screwed it up, and I am married to somebody else." " I know." " And I love Luisa." "She is a good woman." " Okay." " I am not gonna hurt her the way that you hurt me." " And what about you?" " Right." "You've come so far putting your life back together." "I do not want something like this to derail you." "Derail me?" "Yeah, I-I don't want to derail the prog..." "What, you think I'm gonna freak out again?" "That's... no." "I-I just..." "I know how much work that you've put in to try to regain some order to your thoughts." "What, do you think I'm crazy, Cole?" "No." "That's not what I'm saying." " Well?" " What I'm trying to say is that..." "I'm not going to leave Luisa." "I never asked you to, so..." "But... but..." "I want what you want." "I want you to have joint custody without any hiccups." "I want our lives to go back to normal." "It's what's best for Joanie." "Well, you could just give me shared custody back." "No." "That's not how it works." "Well, it could be, though." "You could just say to the judge at our next hearing that you trust me, and you think I'm emotionally sound enough to take care of Joanie." "If that's what you believe." "Right." "So, I'm healthy enough to fuck, but not to be the mother of our child." "There's a process in place for a reason, Alison." "No, I understand." "Thanks for coming by." "I'm sorry." " No, don't apologize." " I am sorry." "I'm just trying to do what's best for everyone here." "Yeah." "I know you are." "I care about you." "We're not kids anymore." "We can't..." "Cole, I get it." "The other night never happened, okay?" "Please just go." "Fuck." "Hey, Luisa told me that you're gonna take Joanie for her birthday tomorrow." "Yeah." "So come by the Lobster Roll at 3:00." "I'll bring her there after school." "Thank you." "Look, can you please just sign the papers and go?" "Come to Block Island with me." "No." "I'm not going anywhere." "Just drop it." "If you come, I'll sign the papers." "I'm serious." "Come on." "Just one day." "By the end of it, if you still want a divorce, then I'll sign the papers." "You never have to see me again." "What do you think is gonna happen in one day?" "I don't know." "Anything can happen." "I'm not gonna sleep with you, Noah." "Please." "Come on, gross." "Come on." "Come on, you missed me just a little bit." "Just one day." "Just one more day together." "At the end of it, you can get back on your knees and flagellate yourself in front of Cole and Luisa..." "God." "For the rest of eternity, if that's what you really want." "If you touch me," "I'll yell rape, okay?" "Okay." "But technically, you're still my wife, so that's not really..." " No." " Cause...!" "Why didn't you answer any of my letters?" "I didn't get any while I was away." "Sorry." "Where?" "In the loony bin?" "No." "The rehabilitation institution." "How did that go?" "Fine." "How was prison?" " Whoo-hoo!" " Noah!" " Block Island!" " No, what are you doing?" " Please." " It's called being happy." " Why don't you try it?" " No." "What?" "Get..." " Yahoo!" " Noah." " Block Island!" "We love you!" " My God, no." "Stop." "Please." " Please don't." " Block Island, baby!" "Noah?" "What?" "Get the fuck off me." "Please." "Whoo-hoo!" "Block Island, baby!" "My God." "This is nice." "Aren't you glad we came?" "I'm hungry." "Me too." "God, what a coincidence." "What are the chances of us both being hungry at the exact same time?" "Noah, did someone stab you in the brain?" "That's not nice." "No." "That's a bar." "Well, they might have oyster crackers or something." "They got wings." "Teriyaki or Jamaican jerk." "Jerk." "So, what's your plan?" "What do you mean?" "I mean are you gonna hang out in Montauk for the rest of your life hoping that Cole will stop being such a giant dick?" "Don't talk about him like that." "Okay, but... he's an asshole." "I'm serious." "Stop." "I mean, who takes a child away from their own mother?" "Look, he didn't take her..." "Nevermind." "Come on." "Say it." "No, there's no point talking to you." "Why not?" "Because you never really hear me." "Cole is doing his best in an impossible situation." "And I'm grateful for..." "You're grateful?" "Yes." "Look, we made a schedule in Joanie's best interest, and eventually I'll get shared custody when I'm ready." "Look, Cole will only ever see you as a disaster, Alison." "Whatever what you do, however competent you become, you will always be damaged goods to him." "If you really think he's... he's ever gonna truly trust you with Joanie, then you're being incredibly naïve." "I'm just telling the truth." " Maybe he's right." " No, he's not." "Yeah?" "He's known me the longest." "Maybe I can't be saved." "Wow." "You're really determined to be unhappy, aren't you?" "No." "No, I'm determined to take responsibility for my actions, Noah... something you wouldn't understand." "Have you seen Helen?" "A little bit." "Did you ever say anything about..." " you know, that I was there?" " No." "Why didn't you just let me go to the police?" "Come on." "Let's not go back there." "He was attacking me." "It would've been seen as self-defense." " Maybe." " Not maybe, it's true." "Says you, Alison." "You had no proof." "Well, we should've tried to tell the truth." "Yeah, well, we didn't." "It's like you wanted to go to prison." "Nobody here!" "Noah!" "Come here, look what I found." "What?" "Noah." "The hot tub." "Get down from there." " You want to try it?" " No!" "It's not ours." "Come on." "There's no one here." "Season's over." "They're gone." "No." "Noah, I'm leaving." "Why not?" "You're trespassing." "For God's sake, you're on parole." "So I'm the one who should be worried." "Not you." "God." "Shit." "No." "Don't." "Jackpot." "Put that back." "Noah, don't... you... no." "You used to be a lot more fun." "Look, why would they keep it on if they had left for the season?" "'Cause they're rich." "Rich people don't care." "These things are a pain in the ass to heat anyway." "The Butlers keep theirs on all winter, too." "Come on, Alison." "Can't you just relax?" "We're basically the only two fucking people on the whole fucking island." "No, no, no, Noah, you cannot be naked in a stranger's hot tub without permission... no..." "God." "My God." "This is so nice!" "God, that's good." "Yes!" "Yes!" "It's so good." "Okay, fine." "No." "Close your eyes." "No, come on." "I want to watch." "I'm not coming in unless you close your eyes." "Okay, then if I close my eyes, it gets really dirty." "Fuck, can I open yet?" "Yes." "Okay." "Okay." "This is nice." "It is nice." "You're right.." "Cheers." "God." "What if I moved to Montauk?" "Why?" "To be with you." "No." "I, I want a divorce, Noah." " Come on." " Yeah." " You don't." " Yeah." "I do." "Look." "I know I was a jerk, but I..." "I just got out of three years in prison." "I don't want what I used to." "I just want a simple life." "I just want to get back into teaching." "I want to live with someone I love." "Raise a... a kid that's not mine." "All I thought about when I was away was all the time I wasted just chasing the wrong things, taking you for granted." "You were the best thing that ever happened to me." "No." "No, don't say that." " It's true." " No, it's not." "You're rewriting history." "You and I were a mistake." " A mistake?" " Yeah." "Come on." "You know, you fell for me because you were bored and you felt trapped by Helen, your kids, your fucking father-in-law." "And you wanted a fling, but you chose me, who had lost a child, and who was so incredibly sad you couldn't just abandon me, so you convinced yourself that you loved me." "And I convinced myself that I loved you, because I so desperately needed someone just to take me away." "I used you." "You used me too." "That's what happened between us." "You... you really think that?" "Yeah." "I know it's true." "And you do too." "Boys, bring your stuff inside!" "Fuck." "Stop!" "Hey, get back here!" "I'm calling the cops!" "No." "Shit." "Fuck." "You should've seen your fucking face." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Fuck." " My God." " Shh, shh, shh." "God." "Assholes." "I'm gonna freak out." "I'm fucking freezing." "Fuck." "Let's get you inside." "No, look, I just want to go home, actually." "Please." " Fuck!" " What?" "My fucking shoes." "I left them." "Careful." " No." " Shit." " Wait!" "Wait!" " No!" "No, no, no, no." " No!" " Hey!" "Please!" "Can he come back?" "No." "When's the next ferry?" "That was the last one of the day, dude." "I'm really sorry." "No." "Thank God." "Are you open?" "Technically, no." "The season ended a few days ago, but..." "Ed?" "Can we take someone in for the night?" "Do you have any clothes we can borrow?" "I'll sign the divorce papers." "As soon as we get home." "Thank you." "I just want to say one thing, though." "I did love you." "Yeah, I fucked up, and maybe... maybe it was a mistake from the start, but... it was love." "At least it was for me." "So don't... don't take it all away from me by saying it wasn't real." "You may not want to remember me, but..." "I want to remember you, okay?" "Okay." "So, I still don't understand how this is supposed to work." "I mean, are you just gonna wait around for Cole to finally let you have custody of your own child back?" "No." "There's a whole court procedure." "Which he can circumvent if he wants to." "Right." "I left her, Noah." "I left her for six months." "I..." "I'm not okay." "You know, I mean, I'm trying to be, but I..." "I have these moments of, like, such darkness." "I don't know how I'll get past them." "I just..." "I seem to be making one bad decision after another." "You know, maybe it's me." "Maybe I'm just kidding myself if I think I could ever be a good mother." "My mother... she couldn't give me everything I needed 'cause she was sick." "And as it got worse, she..." "I mean, she couldn't help me with my homework." "She couldn't teach me how to drive." "She couldn't go shopping." "She couldn't even... she couldn't even make a meal for me." "But none of that mattered to me." "I just needed to know she was there." "Look, you don't have to be the greatest mother on Earth." "All you need to do for Joanie is be there." "Don't ever leave her again." "Stay for as long as she needs you, and..." "I promise you that'll be enough." "_" "I won't have anything to do with you." "Did you hear anything I just said?" "Yeah, you're telling me that you..." "I can't contact you anymore." "I don't understand." "How long did you leave Joanie with..." "Please, just don't judge me." "Okay?" "I'm not judging you." "I'm..." "I'm just..." "Well, that's why you haven't heard from me, okay?" "I..." "I had to cut myself off from... from everything." "I had to reevaluate everything." "And now that I'm back in Montauk, I'm..." "I'm still getting better." "I'm working on myself, but I..." "I'm just afraid that... when you get out, you may still think you have me to come home to." "And what you're trying to tell me is I-I-I won't?" "What... can't we wait until I get out?" "It's only a few more months." "No." "It's been made very clear to me that if you come back into my life," "I won't regain custody of Joanie." "I'm sorry." "She's even hotter than I thought she'd be in real life." " What?" " Lana." "She reminds me of the girls that we grew up with." "You know?" "Hey, let it go." "Not your fault." "This place is like a black hole for marriages." "Goes in, don't come out." "Who do you think she's fucking now?" "Her ex-husband?" "Guy that she used to work for at that restaurant?" "What?" "Too soon?" "Sorry." "That's what I'd be thinking about if I was you in this place." "Then again, maybe I'm not as evolved as you are." "I've been meaning to ask you... what are you here for?" "What did you do?" "I hit someone with a car." "It was an accident." "You killed him?" "Yeah." "No." "People like you don't do time for that." "That's weird, 'cause here you are." "You must be one very unlucky motherfucker..." "Or you're not telling me the whole truth." "But I will find out." "I always do." "Hey, wait, what are you doing?" "Come here!" "No!" "This is exciting." "Look at this." "It's not anything yet." "It's just notes." "Solloway." "Fuck." "Can I read a little bit?" ""Jack Hunter stood poised on the starting block,"" "his head down, and his young muscles tense." "The cold, hard water from his pre-swim shower was beading on his arm hair, a thousand tiny magnifying glasses" ""clinging to his skin."" "My God." "I got a hard-on." "Swimming." "It's beautiful, man." "It's really, really beautiful." "Wait, who's, who's Jack Hunter?" "Nobody." "Just made him up." "I'm gonna hang onto this, you know, just make sure that it's safe." "Come on, John." "It's just a story." "It's Gunther!" "I'm gonna keep this." "If anything were to happen to you, your work is safe." "It's my only copy." "It's my only fucking copy!" "Noah?" " Hey." " Hey." "What are you doing out here?" "Nothing." "I-I... thought I saw someone I knew." "Someone you knew?" "It's 2:00 in the morning." "Yeah." "My dad died." "Just over a week ago." "He did?" "My God, Noah." "I'm so sorry." "No." "It's okay." "How is it okay?" "Well, I just meant..." "I don't know what I meant." "Did he say good-bye?" "No." "What do you know about your dad?" "I told you." "Nothing." "Athena must have some idea who he is." "Nope." "She says she doesn't." "How many people could she possibly have been sleeping with at once?" "Yeah." "I think she's lying." "I actually think they were seeing each other on and off when I was younger." "You know, she'd leave a week here, a week there." "Once she left for six months." "Yeah." "Well, he's probably married." "I'm sure you could find him if you wanted to." "And say what?" ""You're a shit." "Thanks for nothing."" "What amazes me, though, is that I spent my whole life trying not to become my mother, and, um... somehow that's..." "You haven't become her, Alison." "Haven't I?" "Fires, oceans, and babies." "Those are the things I could watch forever." "Fires, oceans, babies." "I don't know how you made it through Gabriel's death." "I thought about it a lot when I was away, and just... 29 years old, and you lose your child." "No real parents, no one to take care of you." "I-I don't know how you survived." "I didn't, really." "Whoever I was back then, she..." "She died when he did." "No, but I, um..." "I did have someone taking care of me." "I had Cole." "Did your dad leave you anything?" "Yeah..." "His house." "What?" "He didn't leave it to Nina?" "Nope." "That's weird, isn't it?" "Yeah, it is weird." "When was the last time you were there?" "I don't know." "Twenty years ago." "You haven't been back in 20 years?" "Why not?" "My mother died there." "Noah," "I-I just assumed that she died in a hospital." "No, she was..." "She was sick for a long time." "My dad couldn't handle it." "He basically left home." "And Nina got out of there as soon as high school was over, so..." "In the end, it was just me and Ma." "I remember the day I heard I got into Williams." "Full-ride." "It was the worst day of my life." "Why?" "'Cause I knew I couldn't go." "I mean, who'd... who'd take care of her if I was gone?" "I hid the letter." "I wasn't gonna tell her, but..." "I was gonna pretend" "I didn't get in." "They called the school." "High school." "Because that's what they do with all the scholarship kids." "And the principal called my mother, and..." "She was so excited." "She started to cry, and then she..." "Then she nearly choked on her own..." "Noah, I'm sorry." "It's a horrible disease." "Anyway, it was..." "It was like a month before" "I graduated from senior year." "And she told me that she'd decided to die." "She was gonna... you know." "What?" "What, for you?" "Well, she never said that, but..." "She knew about the scholarship and she knew she was alone, so..." "The problem was her hands." "Her... her hands?" "Yeah, I mean, the MS, it... made them so gnarled that she... she couldn't open the pill bottle." "She couldn't even swallow the pills." "So, I..." "So I crushed them up for her and..." "Mixed them with yogurt." "Noah." "And we spent the day together." "I read to her." "Just headlines and some short stories, and... her favorite poems." "And then she told me I'd been a..." "Hey." "She told me I'd been a wonderful son, and..." "Then I fed the yogurt to her." "Like she was my child." "Noah, here." "Shh." "I thought about you all the time." "When I was in prison, I thought about you all the time." "I kept asking myself," ""What is it about her..." about you..." ""What..."" "You just the wrong person at the wrong time?" "Why did I just blow up my whole life for a girl I met at a diner?" ""Why do I still love you so much?"" "And I never could find the answer." "But... but you were sitting there talking about Gabriel, and I realized..." "You're the only person I've ever met..." "The only other person I've met who..." "Who watched someone they love die." "So, I'm a loser?" "Is that it?" "No, man, you... you got nothing to do with these pages." "I fucked your wife this morning." "Fuck." "Just shut the fuck up." " I'll fucking kill you." " What the..." " Fuck you!" " Fuck you!" "You fucking prick!" "I'll fucking kill you!" " What?" "Seriously?" " I'll kill you!" " The fuck!" " You fucking asshole!" "You're fucking going in the hole now!" "I don't fucking care!" "Fuck you, bitch!" "You're going in the box!" "I'll fucking kill you!" "I don't care!" "Stop resisting!" "Fuck you!" "I'll walk you out." "So, who is this friend who's loaned you a car?" "No one you know." "I'll leave first." "Fuck." "Fuck."