"Ready?" "fbi." "wait." "you old fool." "Ten thousand." " On... bug-eye boy." " What?" "!" "huh?" " I'll take that bet." " Ready?" "And fight!" "Korea?" " fbi!" "Everybody freeze." " Don't move." "please?" "No doubt." "Are you all right?" "I'm just takin' a bath with Old Yeller down here." "Could you open the cage?" "I'm a married man." "I'm not used to this much attention." "Satellite TV and a six-pack do not a full life make." "You gotta understand." "I'm not like you." "I gotta keep it simple." "You know what I mean?" "I can't have a family and home out there distracting me." "That's funny." "I couldn't be out there without it." "people." "Conference room in five." "Malcolm." "Didn't recognize you with the make-up off." "Got the Michaels file?" " Got it." " Good." "Bring it here." "on the street I can't have no distractions." "I gotta be ready for anything." "man." "A prison escape leaves one man dead. has escaped from a federal penitentiary." "He is seen here on security cameras robbing the Century Union Bank." "my God." "What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong." "how would you like to go on a little vacation?" " I don't know." "We've never been on one." " How fast can you get ready?" "Ready." "you look ready to me." "Grab your medicine." "Got your seat belt on?" " Yup." " Let's roll." "people." "popped a guard and the bank manager and walked out with two million in cash and bearer bonds." "but the money was never recovered." "he killed a prison doctor and drove out the front gate in the man's Volvo." "Very creative." " What about the girl from the robbery?" " Lester's girlfriend." "Sherry Pierce." "Never convicted." "Worked in the bank. cries on the stand and walks away with two million large." "Exactly." "But we never proved it." "works two shit jobs." "Now it looks like she's in the wind." "we find the money." " What about this stepbrother in Oakland?" " You and Gallagher take it." " Get some warrants." "Set up a surveillance." " Great." "Malcolm and I can stay here and hit the phones." "I've got something special planned for you two." "Georgia." "Malcolm?" "Maybe you'll find an Armani outlet - by the Piggly Wiggly." "people." " There's Big Momma." " What a classic scene." "pruning her roses." "I done told Sadie about this dog." "Let me catch you here again and I'll barbecue some hot dog!" "man?" "Erskine and Stoner probably caught that girl Sherry two days ago." "They just wanted us to sit here pickin' ticks off our asses." "Nobody's tried to kill you for days." "The stress must be overwhelming." "so be it." "we wouldn't be stuck here." "what do we have here?" "Must be one of those Southern traditions." "Exchanging baked goods in the street." "you bring them over." "That's how you meet the new neighbors." "man." "I'll set the surveillance." "Stall 'em." " Stall them?" " Trust me." " Malcolm!" " Four and a half minutes." "neighbor." "Welcome to Maple Drive." "We hope you will come to love... shut up and give the man your dry old Bundt cake so I can go home." "You'll have to excuse Hattie Mae." "Her stomach's not feelin' too good." "I'm Miss Patterson and this is Miss Other Patterson." "We call her that because she's from a whole different set of Pattersons." " My name's John." " John what?" "it is." "Maybe we're all related." "but not any more." "Lord." "Is she with Jesus?" "is how he pronounces it." "He was the gardener." "if you know what I mean." "honey." "Here's your corn bread." "I got to go." "it was really a pleasure." "Wait." "You can't leave." "Hattie Mae?" "If I can call you that." "shoot squirrels... you ain't right." "Did somebody hook you up to a jumper cable?" "move" " I got to go." "Wait!" "just a little lonely." "We could spend some quality time together." "you know what I do when I have an upset stomach?" "I jog." "Yes!" "Come on!" "me and you around the block." "or I can go through you." "Whichever you decide." "Fine." "Shit!" " You cannot go in there." " You're sayin' I can't go in my own house?" "you cannot go in there without giving me a big" "Southern welcome." "That's it." "A little sugar on it." "let me know." "I'm good." "God bless ya." " Cos I got to go." " Yeah." "Thanks for the corn bread." "let me just make it to the bathroom before I lose my bowels all over myself." "Jesus." "Will I make it?" "Lord." "Those stewed prunes!" "They just goin' right straight through me. but damn - that was a lotta ass." "I think I need a splint or somethin'." "Just..." "I'll be all right." "Dr Green." "Wilshire Pediatrics." "Here we go." "God." "Miss it." "Miss it." "Think you can throw me off my shit?" "I'm in the zone." "100 dollars." "Come on." " That shit don't count." " What do you mean?" "man." "Who could be callin' her at this time of night?" "Trussy!" "How ya do..." "Lord." "William's in the hospital again?" "I'll be there." "I'm prepared." "I can stay a week or two weeks... man." "Now's our chance to tap the phones." "Come on." "ma'am." "I gotta go and help my friend out for a couple of weeks." "Over here." "Jesus!" "Back up off me." " Sorry." " Hello." "This is Hattie Mae Pierce." "I'll give you a shout." "God bless." "Big Momma?" "It's Sherry." "huh?" "I was taking a little vacation and I thought maybe I'd stop in and check on you since I haven't seen you in a while." "so I'll see you on the next trip." "No!" " We lost her." " No!" "Look..." "I just want you to know... but..." "I really do love you and miss you very much." "Praise the Lord." "It's my baby Sherry!" "you're there!" "Hi!" "sugar foot." "Hang up. and I just want you to know that your place is the only place that's ever really felt like home for me." "And I can't wait to see you and I love you very much." "I'm..." "Sherry." "then." "All right?" "And I'm gonna make sure that I lock you up so you don't get away from me ever again." "Sherry." "Bye-bye." " What the hell did you just do?" " Kept us in play." "and then we have no case." "Don't worry." "Big Momma'll be here." "Hello." "This is Hattie Mae Pierce." "Hello." "This is Hattie Mae Pierce." "Hello." "This is Hattie Mae Pierce." "Trent." "Mind your manners." "No back talk." "And remember..." "Look at me." "And remember that our business is our business." "They're here." "Now here's the earpiece." "tell them it's your new hearing aid." "How do I look? shut up." "Big Momma?" "We're here." "Lord!" " Look what the wind done blew my..." " Hi." "you fine... you changed." "Big Momma!" "I hardly recognize you." "that's only make-up." "Now come on over here and give your Big Momma a great big hug." "Big Momma." "child." " Big Momma could never forget that ass." " What?" "!" "Ma." "Asthma." "Remember you had asthma?" "I remember it like it was yesterday." "You used to puff and wheeze somethin' wicked." "are you all right?" You said... damn." "Big Momma gettin' light-headed." "Wait a second." "Maybe we should take you upstairs." "Bless your little asthmatic heart." "my son." "You haven't seen him since he was a baby." "yeah." "Trent!" "Trent." " Say hi." " I should've known just by lookin' at him." "Look at that nappy little grapefruit head." "it runs in the family." "Grapefruit heads." "Your granddaddy had a big-ass head." "The hotel out by the freeway had a pool." "isn't he? what with the color television an' all." "But he'll come to find Big Momma pretty quick herself." " I'm starving." " Are y'all hungry?" "we are pretty hungry." " Come on in." "I'm here to take care of y'all." "Sherry." "Come on in." "Big Momma." "I got it." "You can take mine." "You are somethin'." "Isn't he?" "You're gonna love Big Momma's cooking." "Think it's gonna be windy today." "There's a draught." "There we go." "I like to make sure that my food is properly lubricated." "It goes down easier that way." "my God." "He's gonna kill her." "This guy can't even make toast." "Let's see what's in there to cook now. turkey necks... you like these?" "One for me..." "Sherry? watch and learn." "I don't know how to tell you this..." "but your face is falling off!" "Big Momma?" "Are you OK?" " Where's that pot?" " I'm gonna go and start setting the table." "Sherry." "Where's that pot?" "Malcolm!" "What are you doin' over there?" " What are you doin'?" " Take it easy!" "I think you just had a Peeping Tom." "child." "I get them all the time." "You do your housework in the nude and it tends to attract the wrong element." "Nothin' like a little excitement to get the blood goin'. tell me what brings you to Big Momma's house after all these years." "we were just on a little vacation." "Middle of the night seems a funny time to go on vacation." "I thought you might have been in trouble." " How did you know we left at night?" " I didn't." "no." "yeah." "Ain't nothin' but some scalding' pork grease." "child?" "You in trouble?" "Is there something you wanna tell Big Momma?" "is that duct tape on your face?" "dear!" "The duct tape." "I guess you're wonderin' why I got the duct tape." " It's a beauty secret." " Really?" "Yes." "You never used duct tape to get rid of them unsightly hairs?" " No." " It works particularly well on the bikini area." "girl." "The pork chops are on fire." "here!" "Who's ready to eat?" "We could always run down to Ring-A-Ding Burger." "Get him a Smiley Meal." "Big Momma." "This..." "This looks great." "eat up." "Take you a big old forkful." "Watch it." "The plate's hot now." "I hope I didn't put too much seasoning salt." "Sherry." "Who could it be at this time of night?" "Just a second! surprising' me this time of evening." "I wonder who could be at my door so late at night." "There's my sugar." "You'd better put that nasty-ass tongue back in your mouth before I rip it out." "ma'am." "My mouth is closed." "But these hands is open for business." "who was it?" "that's just a Bible salesman." "but you can't hide." "I'm sorry." "Ben Rawley's the name." " Pleased to meet you." " Sherry." "I ain't got no man." "she got every man in town sniffing' round like dogs." " I do?" " Do I smell some greens?" "no!" "you know you can't eat no greens." "Greens give you gas somethin' wicked." "I had to re-wallpaper." "let me show you to your car." " Wait a minute!" "You look different." "I said the same thing." "That face and those eyes." "You've changed." "ma'am." "You're gettin' younger every day." "say good night to Mr. Rawley." "Good night." "Nice to meet you." "Hattie." "Who the hell do you think you are?" "tryin' to put your nasty-ass lips on me." "I am not street booty." "I will not be treated like street poontang!" "if you wanna get with me..." "I mean... you will never get with me!" "Understand? you be goin' about it the wrong way." " How am I supposed to go about it?" " You don't come in a woman's house and lead with your shaboink-boink!" "Women don't respond to that." "I should've bought you somethin'." "Like a corsage." "This ain't no damn prom." "you gotta bring a woman somethin' special." "Somethin' that means it's from your heart." "aren't you?" "huh?" "get it together." "baby." " Good." "Get your ass outta here." "and that seersucker suit?" "Sherry made a call today." "Who was it?" "A Dr Green in Los Angeles." "A refill on the kid's allergy prescription." "She's done nothing to try and contact Lester. - we'll be there to catch her." " That's right." "Superfly!" "You know?" "or have you grown too attached to 'em?" "Prescription called in for Trent Pierce." "Georgia." "I know what you're up to." "but I got your penny change." "What you talkin'?" "I'm just takin' in a little air." "You can't fool an old fool." "Sadie's got it all figured out." "this is a federal..." "The man ain't been here for two days and you all over him." "I don't get down like that." "Are you drinkin' that corn liquor?" "Are you sippin' on the yak?" "Maybe I have." "But somethin's goin' on." "I got my eye on you two." "What a day." "What a damn day." "someone's here to see you." "They say it's an emergency." "Emergency?" "What kind of emergency?" "Your... that." "they're like yard dogs." "they'll just roam all over the neighborhood." "you gotta come out here quick." " What you talkin'?" "it's time." " Time for what?" "Ritha's gonna have her baby." "Oh." "That's great." "Thank you for stoppin' by." "Be sure to send me an invitation to the baby shower." "Her water broke comin' back from the movie." "The baby's due any minute." " And you got to deliver it." " Excuse me?" "aren't you?" " Midwife?" "Big Momma!" " What are you doing?" " Screamin'!" "I find that it calms the spirit." "let's all scream." "Good." "See?" "It works." "It's not like..." "I don't know what I'm doin'." "Take it easy." "I've called the paramedics." "and then get out of the way when they get there." "OK?" "darlin'." "OK?" "You don't want your business waving' all in the air." "no!" "Don't!" " I said close 'em!" " They don't close!" "maybe that's how you got this way in the first place!" " Get this baby out of me!" " Where is she?" "sweetie." " Thank God you're here." "child." "You do what the paramedic says." "OK?" "Big Momma gonna be in the kitchen..." "baking' up a storm." " Bakin'?" " Paramedic?" "Nolan is a security guard at the lumberyard." "Head security guard." "I got two men and three dogs workin' up under me." "Ritha's brother." " Paramedics?" "Is something wrong?" " No!" "I knew it." "I told you this senile old hag was gettin' too old to be doin' this." "Who are you callin' senile?" "You wanna step outside?" "I took CPR." "Can't be too much harder than that." "Damn!" "That's a baby." "please?" "Big Momma can handle this." "Get outta here!" "darlin'." "Don't worry." "get your chunky ass in gear and find me some hot water." "I need towels." "Lots of towels." " Towels." " Now somebody get me some lard." "Preferably Crisco." "We got a baby about to slide into the world." "Big Momma." " Hold her hand." "Hold my hand!" "Hold my hand!" "you're doin' good." "I'm doin' good." "What they need Crisco for?" "They use Crisco for everything here." "I can't breathe." "What the hell are you doing?" "Big Momma!" " Here are the tongs." " Is that sterilized?" "yeah." "I used WD-40 and some Easy Off on it." "we're not frying a chicken!" "Give me this plunger." "Here we go." " Look at the head." " I see something." "it's lookin' back!" "For God's sake." "what you doin' now?" "Big Momma." "Hold your breath." "It's a girl!" "Lord!" "it look like Leroy." "Big Momma." "Look at her." "She's somethin' else." "Gimme my baby." "That's a baby." "Big Momma." "Let me tell you... you were amazing." "child." " I wonder what they'll name him." " I don't know." "like..." "Requan or Trevon." " Trevon is cute." " You think that?" "But it's a girl." "You gotta pick a girl name." "Shaniqua." "Big Momma." "right?" " Something beautiful like that." " That's right." "do you remember this?" "my word!" "Yes." "Sherry." "I just wanna make sure that if I ever have to go away for a long time you have something to remember me by." "all right." "but it's gotten me through some pretty tough times." "Tough times?" "Sounds like a man's involved." "Somethin' like that." "who got in trouble?" "Whatever happened to him?" "that's such a long story." "I'd better go check on Trent." "honey." " Sit out here and catch my breath." " OK." "I understand." "Shit!" "Who are you?" " Excuse me?" " Who are you?" "me?" "I'm sorry." "Sometimes I just get so caught up in my work that I forget things and..." "I'm Malcolm." "Hi." "How are you?" "Big Momma asked me to come by and fix..." " At 5.45 in the morning?" " No doubt." "I'm an electrician." "You know?" "Shit!" "are you?" "I'm the..." "You got me." "I am busted." "if that's what you mean." "handyman's my thing." "man?" "Wait a minute." "Trent?" "How did you know his name?" "Big Momma been braggin' all over town about you." "she has." "Trent's so smart." "Trent's so cute." "Trent knows karate." " I know a little bit." " That's what I'm talkin' about." "Show me a little bit of your moves." "I'd love to show him." "Don't worry." "I won't hurt him." "What the hell is he doing?" "be careful." " You're kinda quick." "Let me show you what I got." "Which way I'm comin'?" "it just got serious." "careful." "you cannot be that rough." " You're only a pre-teen." "Why don't you come inside now and let this man finish his work?" "Trent." " Bye." "I used to take a little karate myself." "I'm gonna go inside now." "I'll come back and check on you in a while just to make sure you haven't killed yourself." "I appreciate it." "You blew your cover. you'd realize Malcolm's our best shot for cracking' this case." "Sherry ain't never gonna tell her grandmother about Lester." "man." "She's leaving." "I'll search the house while you're gone." "Sherry?" "Where are you off to?" "I'm dropping Trent off to play basketball." "And then..." "I'm just gonna go into town for a little bit." "good." "I'll go with you." "I need to do some shopping anyway." "move over." "This ass here could do some serious damage." "am I?" "Big Momma." "You're all right." " All right." "Get your seat belt on." "Here we go on our way to the store." "Shit." "good." "Keep lookin'." "stay and talk to your friend." "I'll talk to you later." "OK?" " Wait!" " I'll be right back." "I need to do this before I lose my nerve." "You run along or that ain't all you gonna lose." "listen to me." "It was my mother's." "It's been on my dresser for 30 years." "Just sittin' in my little apartment doin' nothin' when it could have been out seeing' the world. just to prove to you I know how to give my heart to a woman." "we've been lookin' all over for you." "Hattie!" "Hold on a minute." "You losing' weight?" "Yeah." "I been workin' with that new ab roller." "With the handles up here." "it workin'." "You understand me?" " Come on now." "We gonna be late." " Late for what?" "Maybe you're in a dark alley." "Maybe not." "Maybe you're walkin' home from a church social." "Maybe you're standin' on your sun porch smokin' a pack of Virginia Slims. you got to be prepared for this." "That was a little fast." "Let me do it again." "Gertrude." "This is good for you." "Don't you think you're being a little rough on the ladies?" "You think a mugger'll be easy on you?" "you think they gonna do it delicately?" "I don't think so." "where were we?" "I think you were gonna ask for another volunteer." "I would consider it a privilege." "OK." "Let's go with some real-life situations." "first off..." "Go on." "Stand right there." "Here?" "Let's say baby!" "Back that thing up and show me what you got." What you gonna do?" "I'd say... and I'm about to cram it up his bony ass." "What if that don't work?" "What if he decide he still wanna get a little piece of that?" "All he got to do is this." "You done messed up now." "Hattie Mae!" "Sorry about that." "I didn't think it made much sense to defend myself delicately." "Most attackers seek out people who look like they can't defend themselves." "Nolan?" " Yes." "you only got a second to turn fear and panic into power!" " Power!" " That's right." "You can't be scared." "You got to fight back." "There you are!" "I've been looking all over for you." "I know I got some explainin' to do." " That's a good idea." " Yeah." "I paid way too much for this new wig to mess it up here." " That's what I'm talkin' about." " I feel free!" "are you done with him?" " Can I have a go?" " Most definitely." "my damn." "ladies... what is going on?" "you need some help?" "Sherry." "I don't need no help." " How you doin'?" " Good." "How was basketball?" " It was all right." " You OK?" "I'm gonna go start dinner." "And make sure you put the fatback in the greens." "Hey." "This yours." "did you?" "That's called an assist." "me and you haven't had much time to just sit down and talk." "Your momma didn't happen to talk to you about did she?" "She didn't happen to say anything about meetin' up with an old friend?" "I don't know." "right?" "right?" "Momma said we shouldn't tell our business." "That some stuff we should just keep to ourselves." "Is that right?" "Did something' happen while you were down at basketball?" " The older guys were mean to me." " Say what?" "They kicked me off the court." "I knew it." "Don't nobody mess with my babies." "kicking you off the court?" "That is a public court." "no." "I'll keep that..." "Trent?" "Let me calm down." "How about we take a little walk down to the park?" "suckers." "Is that all you got?" "cos you ain't gonna last long once we start." "Trent?" "yes." "I got game." "too:" "I'm back." " You're too fat to be ballin'." " Say what?" "You look like a damn shaved bird." "Look at you." "Just fly your... young man." "I'm not even gonna get into it with you." "huh?" "Back at ya!" "Didn't know it was comin'." "Let's do this." "little man." "We gonna take you to school." "We own that ball." "Pickin' on a little man." "I'm at ya." "Look at ya now." "Runnin' your mouth." "Grandma?" "What the hell...?" "Game point." " Damn!" " Air Momma!" " That's game." " Yes!" "We won!" "Yes!" "We won!" "baby!" "I'm so happy!" "We won!" "Big Momma." "Sherry." " Good morning." "Trent wanted waffles." "Have a seat." "I'm gonna have some toast." " OK." "Malcolm's been askin' about you." " Really?" " Yes." "He was wonderin' how long you were gonna be in town." "He thought you might be meetin' up with some old friends from California." "I wonder what would make him think that." "Maybe something' you said?" "you oughta spend some time with that boy." "Get to know him." "don't you?" "if I was 40 years younger I'd take him on." "I'd give him a taste." "shoot!" "Damn." "too." "do you have any soda water?" "Sherry." "my damn!" "Big Momma?" " Stains." "and that's a jammy-jam stain." "I know." "little man." "What you up to?" "We're goin' fishin'." "Mom's gonna let me drive the boat." "Sherry?" " Here to empty out the septic tank?" "You got jokes." "so I was just stopping by." "you ever gone fishing?" "I know a thing or two." "really." "I do all kind of fishing." "I just haven't caught anything worth holding onto." "Maybe you're using the wrong bait." "What kind of bait should I be using?" "Mom?" "Can Malcolm come with us?" "I'm sure Malcolm has more important things to do today." "Malcolm." "Mom doesn't know what she's doin'." "I could show you where all the hot spots are." "Sure." "I don't see why not." "Malcolm." "I've never been fishing." " Never?" "Nothin' to it." "did you see that fish jump?" " I did." "Looked like he was smiling at us." " Like he was laughing." " Laughing at Malcolm." "I mean..." "Look at your pole!" "Give me the camera." "Hold still." "Gotcha!" "Are you OK?" "Do you need a hand?" "man!" " There you go." " Thank you." "huh?" " Yeah." "there's..." "something about your eyes." "I don't know." "They're really familiar." "I know you think you can recognize my eyes." "But you know what?" "A lot of people have these eyes." "These ain't even mine." "and I gotta have 'em back by dusk." "I'll be..." "Plop!" "Hold your hoe." "Gotta go." "Then you don't have much time." "He loves it out here." "It's a great place to grow up." "You should know that." "but you forget and you move on and your life takes you places that you never thought you'd go." "Where has your life taken you?" "Far away from here." "And I'm not sure if I'm goin' back." "Really?" "Mom!" "I can't catch anything." "sweetie." "your last boyfriend..." "What was he like?" "Most people aren't who they say they are." "you gotta trust somebody sometime." "Why not start with me?" "Trent." "OK?" " You don't have to be fast." "What you got there?" "little Trent." "Let me see that. you just gotta slow down." "Be patient." "Then they might come to you." "Malcolm." "That's what I do... catch the lightning' bug." "I see you're a man of great taste." "Need anything else?" "Laptop?" "Cameras?" "AK-47?" "Stereos?" "Rolex?" "Guess not." " I'll take it." " Great." "That'll be two hundred." "Your girl told me a hundred." "I don't care what she said." "That gun'll cost you two." "real quick." "didn't it?" "Pull it." "A hundred's good." "I can do a hundred." " Thank you." " Good night." "sir." "I can handle him." "Yeah." "Don't you worry." "He knows exactly what he's doing." "Bye." " What the hell are you doing?" "." " Don't start." "I loved the little Jerry Maguire moment with the kid." "That was very touching." "but... my attraction to her is strictly professional." " Great." " And trust me: she's innocent." "And that's based on what?" "Your "professional" attraction to her?" " Everybody freeze!" " Goddamn!" "You freeze!" "Damn!" "Y'all cut Big Momma up into little pieces." "shit!" " Nobody's done nothin' to Big Momma." "fbi." "Looks like we'll have to arrest this guy now." "you ain't gotta do that." "maybe I can help." "Get up." "Come on." "OK." " All right." "I've gone undercover as Big Momma." "As you can see." "That what that is?" "Yeah." "Nolan." "This is top-secret." "We're after a hardened criminal." "What I need you to do is stake out the bank." " Can you handle that?" " No problem." "shut your mouth on this one." "I mean it - hush." "Don't say nothin'." "Nada." "You with me?" "All right." "we might find a place for you on the force." " You'd be in." " In the Bureau?" "Right in the Bureau." "but you won't get the BI until some years have gone by." " Right." "Cos there's some work involved." " Exactly." "Like the bank work." "I'm all over it!" " Bye." " Hot damn!" "Trent?" "Big Momma?" "Sherry." "Is everything all right?" "yeah." "I was just coming to check you were OK with..." "I'm sorry." "That scared me." "I'm OK." "That's good." "I remember when I was a little girl and it used to storm like this and you would wrap your arms around me." " You mean like this?" " Yeah." "And I just felt like nothing in the world could ever hurt me." "Doesn't this feel so good?" "It feels so damn good." " Big Momma?" " Yes?" " What's that?" " What's what?" "That." "It's..." "That's just my flashlight." "The storm knocked out all the power and..." "I had to get a big old flashlight." "OK." " You OK?" " Yes." "Just tryin' to get comfortable." "All right." " Let's try to get some sleep." " That's easy for you to say." "I didn't think you'd even wanna talk to me." "Sherry? and I'm not a little girl any more." "And I know that you've probably heard some things that I'm not very proud of." "Well..." "Maybe I didn't wanna believe those things." "Maybe I only wanted to believe the best about you." "Big Momma." "How so?" "you'd whup my butt if I even looked guilty." "didn't it?" "you learned your lesson." "I learned how to look innocent." " Big Momma..." " Yes?" "Is there another flashlight under there?" "Hi." "What the hell are you doing here?" " Somebody may see you." " No worries about that." "I got Nolan watching the perimeter." "and he wants to know if we can use secret code names." " You better watch him." " Oh?" "And who's gonna watch you?" "man." "She got to you." " I didn't sleep with her." "Big Momma did." " OK." "Thanks for the visual." "You know what I mean." "Are you puttin' on your make-up in the dark now?" "Big Momma?" "Big Momma." "We're gonna be late." " Late?" "Late for what?" "Church." "We're leaving in five minutes." "this will not affect my work on this case." "That big bag she took downtown the other day." "did she?" "Not affect your work." "Fine." "then that's fine. she's gonna go down with him." "Every Time I Feel The Spirit. we are not havin' service this morning." "we're havin' church!" "the Lord got me to thinking the other day that maybe it's time that I stopped preaching" "and started listening!" "And maybe one of our saints here could offer us a word from above." "All right!" "I went to my phone and the Lord took my dialing finger." " And after about three rings..." " Three rings!" "I heard angelic voice say..." "Rev!" "Go now." "That's right." "It was Hattie Mae Pierce." "we can." "For she has been to sorrow's kitchen and licked the pot clean." "Are you ready to testify?" "I guess I could say a few words." "Big Momma!" "Reverend." "Reverend." "let's see." " You know what to say." " Come on with it." "Let's see. should I talk about the evils of drugs?" "no!" "Big Momma don't know nothin' about no drugs." "Unless y'all talkin' about Harry Belafonte." "Lord knows I was addicted to that man for about ten years." "what I'm here to say is that some of us" "Live secret lives." "We don't want people to know the real us." "We hide behind our smiles and polite conversation." "we do a lotta nasty shit." "Reverend." "So sorry about that." "we've all sinned." "Lord knows I've sinned." "I've lusted in my heart." "In my living room." "In the hot tub at the Red Roof Inn." "and in the back of an EI Camino!" "now." "disregard that last one." "the point I'm trying to make is that our secrets... they eat away at us." "if we want to be protected - hear me now " "we got to confess everything." "Because the truth shall set you free. - won't it be a happy day?" " That's your song." "Hallelujah!" "we're home." " My bladder got me just runnin'." "Maybe I should come in for a little nightcap." "Consider your night capped." " You hear somethin'?" " What?" "Freeze!" "Surprise!" "Surprise." "Big Momma." "I don't think Big Momma likes surprise parties." "Let's eat." "where did you get that from?" "OK?" " I'm about to go secure the perimeter." " Nolan!" " John..." " This is all we need." "Him screwing this up." " Why'd you let all these people in here?" " It's a surprise party." "I didn't know about it." "Keep your eyes open." "I'm goin' upstairs to change for the party." "Good idea." "Ben." "How you doin'?" "I guess you're wonderin' what I got you for your birthday." "Don't tell me your momma had more jewellery." "you don't have to..." "Big Momma?" "You stay down here and watch the food." "I'll go up." "All right." "Trent?" "What are you lookin' for?" "Nothing." "Why don't you go downstairs and help your momma with the food?" "ma'am." "Damn." "Big Momma?" "Yes?" "Where'd you put the sweet corn?" "Is it outside in the freezer?" "is there anything you wanna say to Big Momma?" "Big Momma." "Why do you ask?" "really?" "Then I guess this chain isn't the only thing that came back to me tarnished." "Sherry." " What money?" "my God." "It's Lester. but I gotta go." "I gotta get outta here." "Sherry!" "officer." "I'm lookin' for..." "Miss Hattie Mae Pierce's house." " You know where she live?" " Big Momma?" " Yeah." " You less than two miles away." "She gonna die when she sees me." "Sherry..." "Now you gonna have to tell me what's goin' on." "Sherry." " I can't." "can't you?" "who's this Lester?" " I thought I was in love with him." "He stole my keys." "He got into the vault." "He shot two people." "He must have hid the money in Trent's locker before they arrested him." "Are you saying you didn't know anything about the money?" "Sherry?" "What about the phone call you made in town?" "Happy birthday." "And the phone call was to set up your surprise party." "You're tellin' the truth." "You didn't have anything to do with the robbery. and I didn't say anything to anybody because I was afraid I'd lose my job." "Sherry?" "I should have said something." "I know what kind of man Lester is." "Sherry!" "what are you doing?" "child." "that's all." "could you warn me next time?" "sure." "listen to me." "You're not to blame." "Lester stole the keys." "Lester stole the money." "And Lester shot those people." "I should have known I could trust you." "Thank you so much." "Everything's gonna be OK." "All right?" "I'm gonna call Malcolm." "He'll help us fix everything." "No worries." "No worries." "I'll fix it." "ma'am!" "I've been waitin' on this moment ever since I first laid eyes on you." "baby." "I'm tired of bein' alone. you gonna finish alone." "Hattie baby... all hell's gonna break loose." "Holy shit." "Good Lord!" "What in the hell is goin' on up in there?" "Trent." "What in the hell is goin' on over there?" "Hey." "You're back so soon!" "so soon"?" "And what the hell's wrong with this door?" "How about I hop in there and we go for a spin?" "Big Momma?" " There you are." " Everyone's lookin' for you." " What are you doing?" " I'm just freshening' up." " Come on!" "Time to cut your cake." " Everybody's waitin' on you." "would you step outside and kick his ass for me?" "you do not have to kick my ass." "Wait a minute." "Just wait. and if you go in there now you'll ruin it." "looks like I'm missin' it." "Christ." "It's so loud in here." "Maybe you'd be more comfortable over at my house." " We've been lookin' all over for you." " It's time to cut your birthday cake." "All of this for my birthday?" "Everybody's all dressed up and looking good." "I wanna freshen up and get out of my traveling clothes." "don't worry about that." "You look fine." "too." "I wanna put mine on." "Now where's that cake?" " Damn!" " That was fast!" "Nolan?" "Y'all sure went through a lotta trouble for Big Momma." "that's rare these days." "So much else to do that you forget about people." " Big Momma is here." " What you talking about?" " She's back." "The real Big Momma is back." " Damn!" " You want me to take her out?" " No." "Just keep her away from Malcolm until we figure out a way to sneak her out of here." "OK." "You got it." "Big Momma a whole lotta woman." "I may need help." "You two?" "in my bed?" "no!" "I can explain." "Explain it to the fat end of my baseball bat." "Trent?" "Sweetie?" "went the clawing at my door." "hoping it was only my imagination." "look." "It's ghost stories." "Where's my Sherry?" "Where's my baby Sherry?" "I've been lookin' all over for you." " You'll never believe who's here." " Who's here?" "shall we?" "Come on." "Sherry?" "work it out!" "He don't know what to do with it." "Shit." "Can I at least say goodbye to my grandmother?" "Yeah." "Big Momma?" "is that you?" "What a beautiful surprise." "cos we have to leave now." "But I just got... don't leave." "we have to go now." "And I just wanted to say thank you for everything." "You said goodbye." "Now let's go." "sucker!" " Nolan?" "What the hell are you doing?" "Put that thing down." "You freeze... sucker." "no." "shit." "Jesus!" "I forgot my keys." "Big..." "Big Momma?" " Are y'all Double mint twins?" " Freeze!" "fbi." "Not in Big Momma's house!" "shit!" "Big Momma!" "no!" "Don't you hit her." "Lord!" "man." " Are you all right?" " Yeah." "huh?" "Easy." "it's not as much fun as you'd think." "Malcolm." "Trent." "Watch out! cos this sho' is some freaky shit." "and I'll bust in your head again if I catch you foolin' around with my kin." "Blood is thicker than water." "it beats the hell out of aspirin." "Sherry." "sweetie." "OK?" "How's he doin'?" "He's fine." "Good." "didn't you?" "You went to all this trouble to try to catch me in a lie and you were the one being dishonest." "I was just doin' my job." "right?" "No." "You gotta trust somebody sometime." "Why not start with me?" "Malcolm." "Malcolm?" "Nervous about your testimony?" "Nervous?" "No." "I'm cool." "This won't be the first time I've testified." "This one ain't gettin' away." "Let's hope." "This is your basic hostile jury." "Good luck." "Yeah." "All right." "brothers and sisters." "I've come to testify. where all of his children are welcome." "maybe all excepting' him." "son." " Yeah." "and drop it like it's hot." "I've come here today to ask for understanding." "don't judge me." " That was Tupac." " Definitely Tupac." "Tupac." "All right." "what does it say?" "Mom says Jesus said we should love one another as we love ourselves." "Trent." "That's an old lyric from AI Green." "I got it in the car." "Jesus did say that." "he did." "do you remember that day at the lake when I told you that if you wanted something bad enough you gotta be patient and it might come to you?" "I think that only works with fireflies." "you gotta put yourself into it." "You have to go get it." "the make-up... the whole..." "And the protrudeness..." "Excuse me." "that was fake." "But what I feel about you..." "That's real." "I think the Lord is trying to give us some true words through this brother here." "Big Momma." "why are you still sittin' there?" "come on up here and get your man." "This morning we're having church!" "ThE EnD"