"Don't stop moving To the funky, funky beat" "Don't stop moving To the S Club beat" "Oh, good" "Welcome to Eagle Peak!" "S Club S Club S Club" "S Club S Club" "We got the record company first We're gonna pick up some gold discs" "Then we've got radio-station interviews for the album promotion press conference, then a photo session for tomorrow's front page" "And then finally, we have the gig" "Last day of the tour Last day of the tour" "Thank you, Barcelona Good night" "Thank you very much We'll see you next year!" "You were brilliant tonight Brilliant You, you, you All of you" "Barcelona loves you You are the real tortillas" "You're right We were pretty good" "Water won't cut it now, I'm gonna need plasma" "Well done, guys That was it, the last gig of our tour" "So, Alistair, what are you gonna do during our month off?" "Because I'm going to the beach, get a little tan" "I'm gonna go back to London, see my family" " go in the studio and chill out..." " Hold it Your what?" "Our month off, now that the tour's finished" "A month, a week, a day They all sound so similar, don't they?" " Alistair, you promised us" " You can't keep doing this to us" "You promised us that month" "Okay, okay Time off starts with a week in LA, right after this press conference" " That's ridiculous" " What?" "For the album It's a great album, but you've got to promote it" "Natalie, protein bars?" "What are we gonna do?" " Why don't we fire him" " Who's gonna manage us, then?" "Well, we could manage ourselves, I suppose" "And do loads of solo projects that no one's gonna buy" "And then you can marry a footballer, Rach" "And have loads of babies with silly names" "No, come on, guys We've gotta stand up to him" "Can't we do this in the morning?" "No time Flight for Los Angeles leaves at 7 am You can sleep on the plane" "Come on Reporters are outside" "Big smiles, energy, eyes and teeth" "Guys, look, I know it's tough, but I promise you, it won't always be like this" "One day, your records won't sell The label will drop you and even I won't return your calls" "Ladies and gentlemen of the press, S Club" "S Club, do you feel that your exposure to the West Coast hip-hop scene will be felt musically on your next album?" " Yes" " No" " What she said" " What she said" "How many of you girls have had implants?" "Me I had a cactus once, but I watered it too much and it died" "Do you see yourselves as a manufactured band?" "Do you see yourself as a war correspondent?" "What do you miss most about being on the road?" " My dog" " Sunday roast" "Tea with the queen Yeah" "Bradley" "Sorry, sorry, sorry What did you say?" "I missed the question Sorry" "Well, that wasn't so bad, now, was it?" "We're having fun, aren't we?" "A lot of people would love to be in your shoes" "Not in Jo's Her feet stink" " You all right?" " You said we was gonna have a holiday" "Give me that" "Get some sleep Up in three hours" "" Up in three hours"" "Alistair Beresford?" " That's me Have we met?" " Susan Sealove Enchantée" "Enchanté" "Bloody hell!" "Right, that's it Nobody move I've got a gun" "Guys, why is it so dark in here?" "What are you lot doing down there?" "Am I dreaming?" "What's this big, hard thing?" " Jon" " Get off!" " Oh, sorry" " What is going on?" "Look at the time!" "We've missed our flight!" "Alistair's gonna kill us!" " He checked out?" " We have a dress code" " Okay, did he leave a message?" " No message No pijamas in the lobby" "A forwarding address?" "Anything?" "This" "It's the bill" "I don't understand this It's really not like Alistair" "Can you believe the bill was 2000 Euros?" " Why didn't he wake us?" " We upset him He's paying us back" "We gave him a hard time" "We always give him a hard time He knows it's in fun" "Maybe it's his idea of a joke to leave us here stranded with no money or tickets" "Well, what's funny about that?" "Oh, yeah, that is funny, on some level" "I mean, 10 years on from now when we look back, I'll be saying:" ""Jo, do you remember the time when Alistair abandoned us and we went down to the lobby in our pijamas?"" "It'll be hilarious Really funny" "If this is a joke, then it's on him because we just got what we wanted" "A day off" "Guys?" " Guess what I found" " Well done, you, Rach" " Yes!" " Come on" "High-five" "This has been one of the best days of my life" " Paradise Heaven on earth" " I'm creamed and steamed" "Go ahead, feel my skin No charge" " lf only we had just one more day" " Well, we haven't heard from Alistair yet" "I mean, why can't we just stay here until we do?" "Well, don't look at me" "Bradley gave the room-service girl a 60 percent tip" "It's all right" "I can stick it back together with my nail glue" "Hannah, it's at its limit Come on, guys, cough up" "All right, what have we got?" "What have we got?" "After all that, we've got 2 Euros left I think we're in trouble" "Well, we're gonna have to go back on tour" "Right, what we'll do is, exchange our tickets and book a flight Okay?" "So who's got the tickets to LA?" "Oh, well, that's Natalie Natalie takes care of the tickets" "Okay, so who's got her number?" "So we're stranded" " I'm starting to panic" " No, you're not" "I can't quite breathe properly" "I'm not getting oxygen to my brain I tell you, I'm hallucinating" "I can see us on TV" "It's Happening Now live from Los Angeles, California S Club" "When did we tape this?" "Hang on a minute, does my bum really look that big?" "Well it's not taped, it's live Look" "But that's impossible Where it says, " live," that can't mean it's live" "It can't mean it's happening now" " Excuse me, what show is this?" " It's called It's Happening Now" "S Club" " Jo, my favourite" " That is not Jo I'm Jo" "Hey, guys Look, there's Alistair Don't you see?" "He's got fed up with us whining and moaning all the time so he hired look-alikes in LA He's trying to teach us a lesson" "Well, we're gonna teach him a lesson because he's fired, and that is it" "How could he do this to us?" "Especially as I lent him my fluffy monkey slippers" " That's it He's fired" " Can we fire him?" "I mean, we signed a contract" "Yeah, but has anyone ever read the contract?" "Apparently, Alistair can make us weed his yard" "If he needs a kidney transplant, one of us has to be the donor" "I said we should have got a proper lawyer instead of your uncle Peter" "He knows the legal system better than any other lawyer" "Your uncle's an ex" " Con" "Oh, come on, you lot This is serious" "We've gotta find Alistair before this thing gets out of hand" "Come on, Jon, quick Lower, lower, lower" "Lower That's it Come on, come on" "That's it That's it All right, all right, I got it" "Ready" "Hannah?" "Well, I'm not taking a suitcase I'll look far too suspicious" "Let me handle this, yeah" "Please, my hombre, prepare our bill for checkout" " You pay the bill now?" " Yeah, just after we go for our short walk" " Walk?" " Cardiovascular" "You know, she's gotta lose a few stone Doctor's orders Right" " Better go" " See you Bye" "Hello, can I help?" " Yes!" "I think we handled that pretty well" " It was a piece of cake" "S Club, you don't pay the bill" " First the pijamas, now this" " We haven't done anything" "Yeah, we're just walking You know, for exercise" "With those?" "Weight-training Come on, guys, pick it up Let's go" "Feel the burn Oh, yeah" "Yeah, do some squats for me, please, Hannah" "Arrest them" "I'm really tired of this" "I've had enough" "We were gonna wire the money to the hotel as soon as we got to America" " That's what Columbus said" " We haven't done anything wrong" " Been there, heard it" " Yeah, but we can explain" " Older than the oldest profession" " You're making a big mistake" "Tell me something new" "You can't arrest us We're a famous band" "If you let us go, I'll sign an autograph and give you a copy of our new CD" "That's what I was waiting to hear You're the S Club?" "All of you?" " Yes" " Impersonating the S Club Fraud" " Impersonating?" " Anything else?" " We're not impersonators" " I've got the complaint right here" "Signed by their manager, Mr Beresford" "Alistair?" "Alistair?" "Alistair?" "Open your eyes" " Alistair?" " You hit him too hard, Miss Sealove" "Nonsense, doctor Look, he's awake" "Mr Beresford?" "Don't try to move" "There's someone I'd like you to meet" "Hello, handsome" "Can I have a club sandwich with no pickle?" "I don't believe this I can't get any reception in here" "Hey!" "We know our rights" "Attention Anyone caught sucking feet will get two days in solitary" " Oh, my God, it's the Spanish Inquisition" " Blood I'm gonna faint" "No, no, my dear, it's not blood" "They've been crushing grapes in the warden's vineyard" "If you give me 2 Euros, I'll let you lick Armando's feet" "He's got the biggest" "My little Chianti, aren't you, Armando?" "Private reserve" "I'll give you 2 Euros, hold the toe" " Suck Please help us escape" "Escape?" "My dear this is the only prison in Barcelona where people are trying to break in" "But I can tell you, the desk sergeant does like to dance" "Don't stop moving To the funky, funky beat" "Yeah, come on" "DJ got the party started There's no end in sight" "Everybody's moving To the rhythm that's inside" "It's a crazy world But tonight's the right situation" "Don't get left behind" "I can feel the music Moving through me everywhere" "Ain't no destination, baby We don't even care" "There's a place to be If you need the right education" "Let it tak e you there" "And just go with the magic, baby I can see it there in your eyes" "I can see it there in your eyes" "Let it flow Stop the waiting" "Right here on the dance floor Is where you gotta let it go" "Don't stop moving Can you feel the music?" "DJ's got us going around Round" "Don't stop moving Find your own way to it" "Listen to the music Taking you to places" "That you've never been before Baby, now" "Yeah, yeah, yeah" "You can touch the moment Almost feel it in the air" "Don't know where we're going, baby We don't even care" "Ain't no mystery Just use your imagination" "Let it tak e you there" "And just go with the magic, baby" " I can see it there in your eyes" " I can see it there in your eyes" "Let it flow Stop the waiting" "Right here on the dance floor Is where you gotta let it go" "Don't stop moving Can you feel the music?" "DJ's got us going around Round" "Don't stop moving Find your own way to it" "Listen to the music Taking you to places" "That you've never been before Baby, now" "Yeah, come on" "Don't stop moving" "Forget about your fears tonight" "Listen to your heart Let's just touch the sky" " Listen to your heart" " No need to reason why" "Just listen to the sound Let it mak e you come alive" "Don't stop moving Can you feel the music?" "DJ's got us going around Round" "Don't stop moving Find your own way to it" " Listen to the music" " Yeah, yeah, yeah" "Don't stop moving Can you feel the music?" "DJ's got us going around Round" "Don't stop moving Find your own way to it" "Listen to the music Taking you to places" "That you've never been before Baby, now" "Don't stop moving To the funky, funky beat" "Bye" "Don't stop moving To that S Club beat" " I feel like an escaped convict" " Let's go to Natalie's" "Okay, try around the other side" "Guys, what took you so long?" "The prison is right there" "The scenic route was better" "Guys, guys, guys Natalie, please help us, all right?" "We're fugitives We don't know what to do" "But you can't be here You're in California" "Look, you're booked to play at the Fuller Center" "Guys, we've got to get to LA" "Tickets, passports gum, earplugs, protein bars neck rest, Game Boy and vibrating..." "No, no!" "My last dollars and the address of the place I rent when I'm in LA" " Bye Good luck Bye Bye, guys" " Bye" "England!" "England!" "England!" "Bradley, stop it!" "Wait for me Come back!" "Well, according to Natalie, 112 Whalecove View is an attractive, sea" " View property with an alfresco dining area" "This must be the place" "Well, she said the keys were under the flowerpot" "Oh, great" "Tina, you start on that side" "I found it" "We should go there and kick those look-alikes right off-stage" "What?" "And get arrested again?" "According to Alistair, we are the impostors" "Maybe he's right You know in that movie where the robots are programmed to think that they're people, but they weren't?" "Well, maybe we're not actually us" "Maybe they're us and we're them, and we actually don't realise it" " You lost me at " hello"" " Okay, we'll just stick to the plan" "Yes" "We're gonna go in there, find Alistair" "We're gonna have a civilised conversation" "And then we fire his butt, and we kick it down the stairs" " Yeah" " Let's go" "You lot stay here, and we'll meet you after the show" " How much for the tickets?" " A hundred bucks from a scalper" " Each?" " I knew them when they were nobodies" "Thank you" "Thanks" " Screw you!" " Tina, wait Come back!" "Can you give me my microphone back, please?" "!" " Don't do that!" " Oy, give me my microphone!" "It's my microphone!" "Thank you" "I'm sorry, but that girl was awful, and everyone's gonna think she's me" "That was no reason to jump on-stage, grab her microphone and scream:" "" Hello, Hollywood, it's great to be back"" "It was like looking into a mirror" "Maybe I had a twin, and we were separated at birth" " I've actually always wanted a twin" " Yeah, or maybe they were robots" "Or popbots" " Let's just stick with the twin thing" " Yeah" "Let's go through this one more time" "We find Alistair, and we have a civilised conversation" " Wow, they really are identical" " No way, she's at least a size 14" "I can't believe they walked through without giving one autograph" "Our fans are really gonna hate us now" " Bradley, I love you!" "No, wait!" "Bradley!" " Look, there's Alistair" "Not now We're never gonna get past those security guards" "Come on, guys Let's just follow the bus, all right?" " They're staying in a private estate" " Something's fishy" "Yeah, that must have been when we got thrown in that garbage" "What I mean is, we never stay anywhere this posh on tour" "Well, why don't we just have a look" "We could probably jump over that wall or something" "Who let the dogs out?" "No, for real Look" "I've got an idea" "Bird Dog to Essex Terrier Come in" "Bird Dog to Essex Terrier Come in" "Oh, Jo, that's you" " I don't want to be Essex Terrier now" " Well, you pick ed it" "I've gone off it, and I want to be something else" " Fine What?" " Tough Sirloin" "Jo, you can't just change your code name It will get too confusing" "Go on, let her be Tough Sirloin if she wants to be" "Bird Dog to Tough Sirloin Come in" "Tough Sirloin here Speak to me, Bird Dog Over" "Okay, the roads all clear Over" " Tough Sirloin to Hedge Pig Come in" " This is Hedge Pig Who's Tough Sirloin?" "I changed it from Essex Terrier" "Well, then, I want to change mine I want to be Mr Black" "Well, that name's tak en" "Yeah, yeah Yeah, Big Pants ready to go Yeah" "And on my order" " Not yet, a car's coming" " All units, hold We have a hostile" "Operation Rogue Manager is on hold until my further command Repeat, wait for my command" "Okay, the eagle has landed" " The eagle has landed" " Where?" "I love eagles" " Hannah, just go" " Oh, sorry" "This is Tough Sirloin Meet me at the wall" "Now, settle down Be quiet" "I've got two friends I'd like you to meet" "This is Mr Walker He's a naughty dog" "And this is Rafferty He's a nice dog" "Now, one day, Mr Walker decided he wanted to go to the beach" "So he got on his little spotty trunks, and off he went Bye" " Bye" "Right, who's gonna go first, then?" "Rach, you go" "If I don't make it, will you tell my mum I wanna be buried in my violet dress" "Not the one I wore for my sweet 16, but the one with the sandals" "Now, Rachel" "Okay, I can do this" "Mr Walker's swimming trunks were too small because Mr Walker had a big, fat tummy" " We can't make our way through that" " It's the only way of getting past the dogs" "Stop, stop" "Okay, Tina, come here" "Okay, go, go, go!" "Don't pay any attention to that" "Do you wanna listen to my story or not?" "That's better" "Come on Quick, this way Down here" " Jo, stop pushing" " You're going the wrong way" " It's this way" " Wait for us" "I'm trying my best" " Come on, Teen" " Jo, get off my back" " Take the next left" " No, it's this way" "I've never seen so much hedge in my life" "Listen I can hear music" "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven" "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven Boom" "Head" "One, two, four, six, eight" "One, two, four, six, eight" "Jo, you're getting it wrong Four, five, six" "Concentrate, Jo Keep it on Two, three, four" "You're not getting it, Jo Six, seven, eight" "Come watch it from the front Five, six, seven, eight" "One, two, three and four" "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight" "And pull Two, four, six, eight" "One, two, four, five and six and down, down" "One, two, three, four, five, six, eight" "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven" " Keep down" " Quiet" " Okay, okay" " Look, they're in there" " By that yellow bush" " Keep your heads down" "Take your time and down" "Six and lift Step and four, five, six" "You're gonna have to try harder than that, Jo Hold it there" "Boy, they really are identical" "Two, three, four, six, drop" "Two and four, five, six, seven, eight" "One and two, three, four" " Do we have to stand in this bush?" " Yes" " Why?" " Because I'm allergic to it" "Don't worry about that That's just the atchoo bird" "Will you sit down?" "Come back here Come back!" " Dogs!" "Run!" " Tina, this way" "Follow the string!" "Dance" "Thank you" "Two, three, four, six, eight" " Oh, look, there's some string" " Keep moving, guys" " There's two of them" " They've got massive teeth!" "Four, five, six" " They're right behind us!" " Follow me" "Faster!" "Quick, keep moving" "Come on!" " Come on, you lot!" " Over the wall" "Faster They're getting closer" " It's right behind you" " Help me up" " Come on" " Help me up!" "Come on, Bradley, he's only a puppy" "Puppy?" "Puppy, my..." " Oh, nice buns, Brad" " I'm just glad they're still there" "Where's Jo?" "Hang on a minute Has anyone seen my sweater?" "No?" " Maybe we should have rung the doorbell" " Then I could have finished my story" "Now I'll never know what happened in the end" "I don't understand Alistair Why is he doing this to us?" "Well, we asked for time off I guess we got it" "Wait, he's replaced us with them, so why don't we replace them with us" "How?" "We'll kidnap three of them and switch places" "Good luck, Rach Operation Squeegee is a go" "Morning" " Hello" " Hello" "I've come to clean your windows" " Wait just a minute" " Oh, no I've had orders" "Security guards cannot have dirty windows It restricts your vision" "Could you shut the windows so I can clean them?" " All right" " Thank you" "There you go That's better" "Yeah" " That was the best soaping I ever had" " Oh, thank you very much" "Anyway, better be off Plenty more windows to clean, so" " All right" " Take care" " Thank you" " No problem" " So long" " Bye" "Tina, I'm in the loo" " Okay, wait there" " Okay" "Hi, Teen I've got a nice bucket" "I've always wanted to do that" "Never mind that Just start stripping" "What?" "Hannah, there you are Perhaps you could come over here" "How nice of you to join us" "Perhaps we could rehearse verse two while we're still in our 20s" "Good Playback" "Lately you've been searching For the other side, side" "There's a feeling to discover, baby" "You can feel it in the air tonight" "Let the groove just tak e you forward" " Grab him" " Hey, hey!" "Let's mak e it tonight Don't fak e it" "There's no need to analyse Now's the time to recognise" " Are you ready?" " Yeah" "Now, find out what you can" "Meet us tomorrow on Mulholland Outlook about, say, 1300" " Got it" " All right, I'll look after you I mean, him" " Okay" " Go Go, go, go, go" "Everybody Dance" "Let the music tak e you over Dance" "Let the beat become your lover Dance" "You can't stop it, baby" "And cut Excellent work, everybody" "I'll see you on set in five minutes Final touches Thank you" "Are you hungry?" "I've got some toast and jam" "If you give them toast and jam, they'll want milk to wash it down then they'll be asking to use the loo" "So we'll have no toast and no jam We'll just talk" " So, what's your name?" " Rachel" "What's your real name?" "Don't lie to me!" "I'm Rachel" " Is this part of our training programme?" " Look, I'm asking the questions, all right?" "What training programme?" "This is a test" "It's a good test" "Do I tie you up now, Bradley?" "We'll talk about it later" "Come here, you guys" "Either she's jerking my chain, or they're all two slices short of a loaf" "We might as well untie them They're too dumb to escape" "So, what's after dinner?" " Rehearse, of course" " What, every night?" " Performing is what we do" " Don't you ever just relax and hang?" "Relax?" " Hang?" " No, no, no" "I think what Hannah means is, you know we could just sit here and talk and stuff" "Exchange life stories and we could discuss how we, and by "we," I mean you how you got here and where "we," again that's you, where we come from" "And what "we" hope to achieve" "We are S Club We formed a band" "We make records" "We release records, and we tour" "Great hang!" "What do we do now?" "Are you gonna eat that?" "No" "I've made tea" " Oh, thanks" " Enjoy" "Did she just get you tea?" "What?" "Biscuits as well" "Tina, Tina" "We gotta keep her She's housebroken" "You're a sick boy" "What's all this?" "SBB:" "Shower before bed" "Shower before breakfast" "SBB You must shower" "No, no, no It's all right, honestly I had one this morning" "Just a " BB" Before breakfast" "Fresh as a daisy, me" "But go right ahead You knock yourself out" "Jon, I think the natives are getting a bit suspicious" "I don't care, Rach These don't come off for anyone unless they've bought me dinner first" "For heaven's sake!" "Come on" "Pretend you're in a JLo video" "We're adults, aren't we?" "We can handle this in a mature way" "No time to be a shy guy, Jon" "SBB Shower" "Just a shower of little droplets Falling from the sky" "Bradley, don't use all the hot water The rest of us want a shower too" "Scrub, scrub, scrub Scrub, scrub, scrub" "Wash off all the stains" "Scrub, scrub, scrub Scrub, scrub, scrub" "Going down the drain" " Shower time" " Hang on a minute" "You can't..." "You can't do that" "Wait, what are you doing?" "Well, it's a small shower, but we can all fit" "Oh, right Well, then, you wash my back and then, Rachel, I'll wash your back and after that, we can turn around and do the same again" "Great" "Now pass me the loofa" "What are you doing?" "Get out What are you doing in here?" "That's sick, man!" "SBB SBB" "SBB SBB" "Where's Jon?" "We are required to shower together to save on water" "Well, who made that rule?" "Alistair makes all the rules" "Any breach of protocol must be reported to Alistair" " Jon didn't breach any protocol" " Where is he, then?" "He's right behind you" " Jon" " Hello, love" "Watch out for that shirt" "Yeah, it might get all wrinkly in the shower" "Jon, is it just me, or did you notice something in the showers?" "No, I did I'll admit it, Rach, I looked but hey, I still respect you" "Jon, shut up, I'm being serious!" "I'm talking about them!" "They haven't got any bellybuttons" "Jon, she's right" "Look" "Today was a good day" "Keep this up and we shall be ahead of schedule" "Tomorrow, we have six hours of rehearsals" " seven hours of interviews" " Thank you, Alistair" " a long video shoot" " Thank you and an appearance on Totally Live Requests" "So it's a light day" "Good night, S Club" "Hannah Spearritt, your colour is yellow" "You lik e Sunday roasts, parties, clubbing, macaroni and Leonardo DiCaprio" "Your fav ourite subjects are geography and PE" "Rachel Stevens, you are a three-times winner of the coveted Harvey Nichols Shopper of the Year award" "Your nicknames are Rach, Rats" "Tina Barrett, your colour is red" "You lik e lie-ins, watching television and crazy nights out" "Your personality is loud, silly" "Jon Lee, your colour is green" "You love your dog, Molly, and your budgie, Harry Boy" "You prefer vegetables to meat" " Your fav ourite hair product is" " Rach" "This thing, it's like a crash course on how to be us" "They're not look-alikes, they're replacements" "Guys, we have to get out of here We've gotta warn the others" "Look at them They're really quite sweet" "Maybe we should take them clubbing I bet they've never been" "Maybe they're robots" "Or popbots" "Well, personally, I think they're clones" "It's not science fiction anymore, is it?" "They've cloned sheep and goats before, so why not a band?" "You can't just clone someone unless you've got a piece of them like hair or fingernails or skin cells" "The Internet!" "Okay, here it is" "One guy's been buying all the S Club stuff" "Victor Gaghan He bids on everything" "Props, costumes, underwear" "They've got our underwear on the Internet?" "Well, do a search on him" "A genetics professor at Golden State University" "" Fired for illegal cloning experiments"" "That's the guy!" "Hello How are you?" " What's your name?" " Andrea" "Hello" "I like your top It's really nice" "Help" "Being held prisoner by aliens or possibly popbots" "Please call police" "Best wishes, Rachel" "What's your name?" "Nice to meet you Bye" "What's your name?" " Hello What's your name?" " Thanks very much Bye" "Hello, little one" "Could I take a look at Rachel's autograph?" "Thank you" " Victor Gaghan, please" " Hold on one second" "It's Alistair for you" "S Club have infiltrated the clones" "S Club have done what?" "Do it like that" "This is the Rolf Harris technique, and it'll come back" "They're late" "They are not late, and will you stop pacing?" "You're making me nervous" "Well, I've shown them the Tasmanian swing" "And Jon's got the hang of it" "Look at them They're just so content" "That's because they're bores and boomerangs are boring" "It's a perfect match" "If I'd have known you could make that from my underwear" "I would never have worn any" "But they're not bores, are they?" "They just don't want anything" "They don't have to worry about anything" "They just exist" "Kind of creepy, though, ain't it?" "I don't know, it's like they're not human" "Oh, it's up in the tree" " Boomerang" " Boomerang" " I don't think it's coming back anymore" " But Tina said it would" "Can you see Alistair?" "We've gotta be at Mulholland Lookout" "He must have left" "Excuse me I just need to visit the little pop star's room" " So do I" " Yeah, me too" "Lost?" "Put them on the bus" " Get off me!" " Get off!" "You're making it harder on yourself" "Come with me now!" " I have them" " Good" "Bring them to the facility" "Hi, this is Jon Please leave a message after the tone" "Yo, Bird Dog This is Big Pants" "What's happening with you, Hedge Pig and the Shopper?" "Call me back" "Something's happening This is not right Something's wrong" "Maybe Jon thought I said, " Malibu Overlook," not " Mulholland Outlook"" " I'm gonna check the beach" " Oh, I've never been to the ocean" "All right, well, come with me" "Everybody's got something They had to leave behind" "One regret from yesterday That just seems to grow with time" "There's no use looking back Or wondering" "How it could be now Or might have been" "All this I know" "But still I can't find ways to let you go" "I never had a dream come true" "Till the day that I found you" "Even though I pretend that I've moved on" "You'll always be my baby" "I never found the words to say" "You're the one I think about each day" "And I know no matter where Life tak es me to" "A part of me will always be" "With you, yeah" "Somewhere in my memory" "I've lost all sense of time" "And tomorrow can never be Because yesterday is all that fills my mind" "There's no use looking back Or wondering" "How it should be now Or might have been" "All this I know" "But still I can't find ways to let you go" "I never had a dream come true" "Till the day that I found you" "Even though I pretend that I've moved on" "You'll always be my baby" "I never found the words to say" "You're the one I think about each day" "And I know no matter where Life tak es me to" "A part of me will always be" "You'll always be the dream That fills my head" "Yes you will, say you will You know you will, oh, baby" "You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget" "There's no use looking back Or wondering" "Because love is a strange And funny thing" "No matter how I try and try" "I just can't say goodbye" "No, no, no, no" "I never had a dream come true" "Till the day that I found you" "Even though I pretend that I've moved on" "You'll always be my baby" "I never found the words to say" "You're the one I think about each day" "And I know no matter where Life tak es me to" "A part of me will always be" "A part of me will always be" "With you" " What are we gonna do?" " Well, they're not coming" "Why don't we go and meet Bradley They must know something" "They think they're S Club What could they know?" "Well, supposing we told them the truth?" "The shock might jog their memory" "Truth?" "Truth about what?" "The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the..." "I can't do this" "Oh, for God's sake" "Oy, you lot You're not real You've been made" " Up" " You're clones Get over it All right?" " What?" "You mean we're fake?" "You've been grown Manufactured in a lab" " Like penicillin" " Or cheerleaders" " Fake boobs" " Yeah, I just said, cheerleaders" "We're the real S Club" "You've been brainwashed with a personal history" " That would explain the gaps" " Gaps?" "Well, yeah Whenever I pass a shoe store, I get really excited" " But I don't know why" " Oh, for pity's sake" " Where's Victor Gaghan?" " Who?" "We have to find him if we wanna save our friends" "So either you tell us where they are or goodbye to your heads" "Look, just try and remember Where did you first meet?" " I met Jon at an audition" " That's what you was programmed to say" "Come on, think about it Think" "Jon do you remember the lights?" "We were in a cave" "A big, colourful cave" "And we were all there" " Papa" " Where are you?" "I can't remember" "Peak" "It was called " Eagle Peak"" "Get off me!" "Let me go!" "This, my little pop chums, is the end of the line" "This isn't just Alistair's way of getting back at us" "This is bigger than that" "Okay, so we've been captured by a man who's built a dungeon in his basement" "Now, that's not good" "Sit down" "All right" "Now, let's not have any trouble here" " Give me your hand" " Who are you?" "Oh, no, please don't cut my fingers off I need those..." "Oh, right, a fingernail" "Oh, okay, you can have one of those" "Actually, could you cut that one?" "Because that one's really snagging on my jumpers" " I'll give you a tip" " Not necessary" "But I have a tip for you, Miss Smarty Pants" "Say your prayers" "What did that mean?" "Don't you see?" "Gaghan's gonna clone us again from our fingernails" "Yeah, he's got what he wants now He doesn't need us here anymore" "He's gonna kill us!" "We can't just go on our own We need backup" "Okay, go and call the LAPD" "Tell them an evil scientist cloned us and had them do gigs" "I'll come and visit you in the loony bin" "Eagle Peak Let's rock 'n' roll, baby" "We'll come with you" " We can't trust you" " Yes, you can" "Alistair lied to us We're feeling really" " Angry" " Yes!" " We want" " Revenge" "Yes!" " I'm sorry, it's too dangerous" " We're not afraid" "To sum up, we're angry, we want revenge, we're not afraid and can kill if necessary" "Wait" " We're still on the same team, right?" " Yeah" "All right Let's go" "All right" "First, we'll short-circuit the electrical current then bypass the video input" "Then freeze the computer" " Identification system, and if that don't work then we'll just chuck Hannah over the gate" " It's a retinal scanner" " Rectal scanner?" "Well, every castle has one of those, don't they?" "No, Hannah, a retinal scanner" "Look, this is gonna take forever Why don't we split up into two groups" "You go and find Jo, Bradley and Tina and we'll try and find Rachel, Hannah and Jon" "We're here You found us" "And we found you That was so easy" "Jo, this is your idea" " No!" "It was Bradley" " My back" "You guys okay?" "Wait a minute Where's Bradley?" "He's there" " What happened?" " You got hit by a pillow Come on" "Nice try but we can't let you escape" "Grab them" "There you are" "Admiring my collection of genetic matter from the dearly departed?" " But Tom Green isn't dead" " A man can dream, can't he?" "So you're the guy who bought the knickers off the Internet?" "Yes I wanted to meet you all in person before I tied up the loose ends" "You must be wondering why I brought you here" "I used to have heroes stars who I'd write to but who never replied, because I didn't count" "I was beneath them" "Then I realised I can grow my own stars" "Programme them to obey me, do whatever I say" " So I started collecting their DNA" " But it doesn't make any sense, though" "If you want power, then why not clone people like Bill Gates or President Bush?" "You can take over the world with clones of that calibre" "Tell me who would you rather see stepping naked out of an accelerated growth pod" "Bill Gates or Britney Spears?" " Britney" " Britney Definitely" "Thank you" "As for controlling the world, do you really think people are interested in politicians or corporate moguls?" "The subtle influence that captures the minds and hearts of the young is music" "The future lies in music" "And I own that future" "Of course, I'm only telling you this because you'll be dead in five minutes" " Do you wanna know how?" " I'd actually rather be surprised" "The floor will fall away, dumping you into a pit full of lethally poisonous snakes and spiders" "You don't scare us" "What are you talking about?" "Yes, it does" "Actually it's more the spiders than the snakes" "No, no, no It's definitely the snakes" "Shut up" "There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come" "Your time, however, is gone" "Goodbye, S Club" "Look, I don't understand We're S Club" "No, we're fake boobs The real S Club are in there" "This looks familiar" "It's just like I remember it" "It's no use struggling" "The doctor is a genius" "He's calculated all the odds, run all the scenarios, envisioned every outcome" "There's absolutely nothing that can save you now" "Stop that!" " There you are" " Stop that right now Obey me!" " We're rebelling If that's all right" " It's not all right" "Get back to the castle!" "It's rehearsal time" " No way" " That's my girl" " You lied to us, Alistair" " Yeah, we're just fakes Copies Clones" "Is that what they told you?" "Don't you see?" "They're jealous" "They want to replace you" " You mustn't trust them" " Don't listen to him" "You must trust me I wouldn't lie to you" " Maybe he's right" " No, he isn't" "Come on, follow me" "Wait" "Alistair!" "He's a clone" "What?" "Wow" "Look at that, a built-in MM holder" "By the way, can I have my clothes back now?" "For lunch today there is meat loaf, broccoli spears, followed by humble pie, limp biscuit and vanilla fudge" "Vanilla ice cream and cream for dessert" "Lights out at 10:30 tonight, apart from Marilyn Manson who wants to sleep with the lights on" "The bedtime story will be read by P Diddy" "It will be Little Red Riding in the Hood" "Tina There's hundreds of them" "Would Madonna please report to the music room for extra singing lessons?" "Holy cloned cow" "Is that Posh Spice over there eating a steak and kidney pie?" "Well, that proves she's not the real thing" "And look, there's Robbie Williams having a food fight with Eminem" "And Ozzy Osbourne I can't believe they cloned Ozzy Osbourne" "No That's the real Ozzy Osbourne" "Victor never cloned him He's a mad scientist, but he's not insane" "All you, look" "We've got something to show you" "Spit it out, boy What about the clones?" "They're rebelling, Dr Gaghan" "Damn!" " Lf we leave here, how will we survive?" " Form tribute bands" " You can go on Pop Idol" " The point is there's a whole life out there beyond those gates A whole world" "A whole world where you can do what you want, not what you're told" "A whole world of fun and freedom" "You can throw a plastic boomerang whenever you want" "And there's potatoes cooked in hot grease and sugar Good, right?" "Look, all you need to say is, " I'm tired..."" "Not so fast" "So go back to your rooms" "Anyone who disobeys me will be killed" "We'll have to make an example of someone, I suppose" "Get that one" "No, get off me" "If you kill her, you have to kill me first" " And me" " And me" " And me" " And me" " And me" " And me" " And me" " And me" " We may need extra backup" " It's over" "Plan Q" "Isn't that " nuke Fort Knox and ruin the world's economy"?" "No Plan Q:" "Destroy the evidence" "Blow this entire building to oblivion" "Pull the switch" "Three minutes to destruction" "All clones remain calm" "In three minutes, all of you will be destroyed along with this facility!" " Two minutes, 52 to destruction" " What are we gonna do?" "Don't panic, all right I've seen this bit a zillion times" "The hero always saves the day" " Okay, so where are the heroes?" " We're the heroes, you mook" "We've got three minutes" "Hold up Time" " Out, time" " Out" "Why do we always get three minutes?" "Why can't we get an hour?" "Why?" "We've been living a lie" "We're not what we seem to be" "And we've had enough of being fooled" "And now we wanna be free" "Yeah, we've been living a dream" "Somebody else's" "And now we wanna live ours" "But we got to leave this game behind" "To know who we really are" "Don't let anyone tak e over your life No, no, no" "Don't give up your dreams And you'll be all right, no, no" "They think they can control you But they should have told you" "When you're a clone You know you're never alone" "Who" "Who do you think you are?" "Do you know for sure?" "Now tell me" "Who" "Who do you think you are?" "Do you know for sure?" "Now tell me" "Two minutes, six to destruction" "We're ready for change" "And we just want to come out" "And it's up to you and me now, boy" "Why are we waiting around?" "Feels lik e we're caught in a trap" "Somebody else's" "Maybe it's all in the mind" "But we've gotta find a way to leave" "All of this trouble behind" "Don't let anyone tak e over your life No, no, no" "Don't give up your dreams And you'll be all right, no, no" "They think they can control you But they should have told you" "When you're a clone You know you're never alone" "Who" "Who do you think you are?" "Do you know for sure?" "Now tell me" "Who" "Who do you think you are?" "Do you know for sure?" "Now tell me" "Who" "Who do you think you are?" "Do you know for sure?" "Now tell me" "Who" "Who do you think you are?" "Do you know for sure?" "Now tell me" "Quick To the helicopter!" "One minute, six to destruction" "Just gotta get, just gotta get back" "Just gotta get, just gotta get back 38 seconds to destruction" "Who" "Who do you think you are?" "Do you know for sure?" "Now tell me" " Go!" "Go!" " Victor, no!" "Who do you think you are?" "Do you know for sure?" "Now tell me" "Who" "We're free!" "Do you know for sure?" "Now tell me" "Who" "Who do you think you are?" "Four, three two, one" " Plan Q aborted" " I think we've done it, guys" "We've freed the clones" "We've just released a whole new set of Britneys" "*NSYNCs and Nelly Furtados into the world" "Maybe we should be quiet about that" "Nobody move!" "I want my S clones back They obeyed my every command" "They were always on time, and they only needed one toilet break a week" "They were the perfect band" "Alistair!" "Okay, put me down, S Club I'm sorry!" " Natalie" " Hey, welcome to Hollywood" "You are not gonna believe what's been going on" "Bye" "Bye, Rach" "Come here" "I'm gonna miss you, you know" "I've never met anyone like you before" "Well, not anyone with a bellybutton" "Where are you gonna go?" "What are you gonna do?" "I'll get along" "What the...?" "Bradley, that is disgusting" " What are you doing?" "She's me" " No, it's not" "She's all right I mean, she made me tea" "It doesn't mean I fancy you I don't fancy you at all" " That goes for me too" " Come on, you lots, stop bickering" "We'd better get going We've got a big tour ahead of us" " Natalie" " All right" "Now, we've got radio interviews at 8 sharp tomorrow" " Tuesday, San Diego Wednesday, Detroit" " Oh, no" "Thursday, New York Friday, Washington" "Saturday, Kansas City" " Wait!" " Wait!" " Hey!" " Wait!" " Come back!" "We need you!" " We need to talk!" "They're doing fine You know, they're almost as good as the real thing!" "Cool All right, take care" "Guys, Alistair says the S Club are doing better than ever" "I think he's right as well" "I mean, Jon, for me, really is the star of the show" " I feel a bit guilty about this" " Well, don't" "They'll get time off when we go on It's so perfectly fair" "Well, I think everyone should have a clone" "People would just be so much better off" "I just meant that they're getting paid in boomerangs" "You've got to admit, the clones are all right, though, aren't they?" "Aren't they, Rach?" "They're all right" " You know that already, right?" " Go on, Rachel" "This is ridiculous" "I want you to mean it, "This is ridiculous"" "This is ridiculous" "Bradley" " We can't trust you" " Yes, you can" "Alistair lied to us We're feeling really" " And we're feeling..." " Cut" " Help!" " Help!" " Louder " Help!"" " Help!" " What is your name?" " Hannah" "Ready" "Hannah?" "Yeah, but" " Sorry" " Cut" "Well, my name's actually Jonathan, but everyone calls me Jon" "That's just J-O-N, no H" "One more time, Jon" "Guys, Alistair says the S Club are doing better than ever" "I think he's right" "Sorry, I can't remember the line if I don't do "you know, you know, you know"" " I've got to get out of jail!" " Action" "Jo from Essex" "And cut" "Look, this is gonna take forever Why don't we split into two groups" "You three..." "Look, this is gonna take forever Why don't we split up into..." "One more time Cut!" "I want my dinner!" " " I want my dinner!"" " I want my dinner!" "And action!" " What is your name?" " Tina" "We can't just go up there on our own We need backup" "Go and phone the LAPD Tell them that a mad scientist has..." "I want my life back!" "Rachel R-A-C-H-E-L" "Try Try" "I don't like that" "Where's Jon?" "We are required to shower together to save on water" " Well, who made that rule?" " Alistair makes all the..." " I'm loving it" " Oh, yeah Yeah, bring it on" "Cut!" " Did you slip her the tongue?" " Well, you know" " Pose" " What's up?" "Come on" "And another pose Cut!" "That's a wrap." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "Ripped by:" "McLane"