"MTV's Downtown 1x01 "Sin Bin"" "Subtitles by josmndsn" "Alex." "Yo, man." "You Ok?" "Oh, oh, what's up, Goat?" "Hey, man." "What the hell you been doing?" "Smoking something?" "No." "Uh, no." "I'm just worried about Sunday." " Man, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about, man." "You got me and all the kids." "We're gonna help your ass out, man." "So, your paying me, right?" "So then, use my no fail, all purpose, seduction line." "Umm." "Want to see God?" " Nah, I got to go up and use the bathroom." "Did it work?" " Got me a hicky that looks like the crab nebula." "Uh, what's this?" "You know I can't give you freebies forever." " Come on, Alex, I'm gonna be helping you out." "Anyway, check it out." "It's the label for Goat's kick-in-the-ass macro malt." "I make it in the bathtub." "And, that's me as the God, Pan, riding the Harley." "Since when does Pan wear chain-mail and no pants?" "Hey, Sis, what do you want?" " What's up?" "Listen, I need a copy of this invite on card stock, so it looks real." "What's that naked guy doing to that monkey?" "And, don't you have a final tomorrow?" " Yeah, whatever," "Mom." "Um, anyway, not like you would know, but Tuesday just so happens to be the new Saturday night for anyone who is even remotely cool." "Saturday night's only like Saturday night for like day-care coochie girls." " And, didn't you go out Saturday night, too?" "Well, sort of, but, like ..." "Whatever!" "Why are you, like, all up in my grill?" "You don't have a life, so like, you're just like ..." "Yeah, well, that's all going to change." "Did you forget ... about Sunday?" "I get my own place." "What a waste." "You'll still spend all your time playing video games." "At least, I'll have somewhere to crash." " No-o-o, no you won't." "My new apartment." "Get your own apartment." "Whate-v-e-r." " This is not Chaka's Motel 6." "Whatever." " Well, if I can't scare up some bed money real fast" "I won't be going anywhere." " Ive got an idea." "Well moved ..." "You wouldn't have this problem if you didn't spend so much money on toys." "Your room is like filled with, like," "Star Wars crap and Tranformers and Hot Wheels ..." "It looks like a six year old boy lives there." "Wait, I take that back." "A 6 year old boy wouldn't have a collection of the Spice Girls dolls." " Oh man, I like Scary Spice." "I like Posh Spice." "Aw, she's pretty good, too, man." " Posh Spice." " Oh, My God, you are so creeping me out." "You should, like, sell some of that junk." "It's got to be worth something to other geeks like you." " I'll never sell." "Never." "No way." "No ... damn way." "That's easy to say, but ..." "It's a very rare one-armed Japanese import." "Even rarer than the old school Yak Face." "So, you're saying that Yoda would be maneuvering in a fight." "Yes." "I'm afraid it is so." "I'm afraid you are thinking with your heart and not your head, my friend." "Ah, new comics day." "Hmm, I can almost smell the desperation." "No." "That's just the B O." "A hundred bucks." "All of my men...hmmm..." "Hey, Alex." " Yeah, yeah, sure." "Okay." "Here." " Thanks." "Take this to Frank." "Oh, her name's Serena, bro." "Not that you want to know or anything." "He would have no chance against adamantium claws and mutant healing powers." "Hey, Alex, you or the virgin wolverine." "Who do you think's going to win?" "(Yawn)" "Uh, sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about." "Ok, 100 bucks, even." "Yo, how much is that "Mr. T"?" "50 ... you gonna buy it or drool over it?" "Does it, does it, still talk?" "Oooh, hey Serena, get that for me." "I threw my back out again lifting." "That damn deltoid." "What you looking at?" "!" "Here." " Ah, thanks." "And, Matt said she plays some wierd sitar, the zither, it's called?" " Oh, not another one of your hopeless Goth girl fixations." "I bet you haven't even talked to her." " I have so." "Here." "Thanks." "Oh, so you gonna take this little plastic dinosaur collection?" "Nah." "No, I'll leave that here." "All right." " That's educational stuff, I don't want it." "I live next door, big green." "I want to go with you in a Gillian Anderson playsuit." "I want to ..." " Hey, hey, when I get my apartment," "I'm going to be the man." " Oh, really?" "Yeah. ..." "Or, at least a normal human being." "You know, when you do, if that should happen, and you start dating." "You know, surgically implanted lap dancers and all that kind of stuff, who will keep me from blowing my brains out with a shotgun?" "Uh, don't worry." "I'll always be there for you." "Uh huh." " Like you will always be there for me." "Oh, yes." " On moving day" " Amen. - with the money for the van." " You have obviously forgotten my motto." "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." "Or a voluntary participant at a poetry slam ... or a woman wearing a sweatshirt decorated with glitter ..." "Hey, you don't like many people do you, Jen?" " No." "And, that should make you feel extra special." "Uh." " Yeah." "Oh, God no!" "Ooh." "Is your heart made of stone?" "Does this bring back memories?" "Yeah, it was my only date in high school." "God, I remember it, yes." "I was emptying the spit valve on my trumpet and this clarinet reed came, like, flying through the air and hit stuck up, skin flute playing Stacey Bruised Face Barcella in the back of the neck." "Ha, ha, ha, ha." "Oh, my gosh, I remember." "And, then after school we went to" "Mastori's and made them give us a bowl of gravy to dip french fries in." "Which is a bizaar custom that you, I don't know where you get this..." " They do that in Europe" "Oh, they do?" " Yeah." " Aren't you cosmopolitan." "Oh, it's so funny though." "I remember." "I think is was when we realized how much we both hated her guts." "And, we nicknamed her, "Barf-ella"" "(retch, retch) you know what, we became, like, friends." "through sheer anomisity." " See, uh, Jen, actually, I, I, liked Barfella." "That's why I threw things at her." "That's what boys do." "And, you know, well, let's just say ..." "Let's just say she provided enough, uh, stroking material for me to get through junior high without ever having actually talked to a girl." "Except, for you, of course." " Alex." " Yeah." "Why can't you let me enjoy my hate?" "So, he puts his arm around me and he goes this here's my next hoochie." "Don't look at me like that, he didn't mean it in a bad way." "I know it." "Uh, Mecca, if that's me, I'd be all ... and here's your next operation, He yah!" "He yah!" "Whatever ..." " Shouldn't we be helping, or something?" "So, how did you find this apartment?" "I lucked out." "The landlord came in to work to copy legal forms and I went up to him and I ..." "Oh, get out this month!" "I never liked your face, you no good bum." "See you in lousy court, you blood sucking leech." "You didn't see the inside?" " Well, I mean, I had to grab it." "This is New York, I just had to snatch it up." " You poor dear." "You know how apartments go." "I know, honey, there are eight million hovels in the naked city and you just got yourself one of them." "Uh... uh, oh, make way for ugly furniture." "Why are we taking this monstrosity?" "It's a house warming gift from the folks." "Oh, it's a heavy house warming gift." "Check out the claws." "This cat needs a pedicure really bad." "You know, this whole changing my life deal is gonna work out fine." "I'm sure." "Today, I am a man." "Oh, I'm afraid to look." "What was that?" " The fire hydrant." "Today, you are a stupid man." "Welcome to my low down love shack." "My super fab sin bin." "My space age bachelor pad." "If you will." "I won't." "Kitty, come here, come here." "Awh, kitty, kitty, kitty." "Come on," "Give me a kiss." "Oh, look, you've got a microwave." "That's the refrigerator." "Did I ever tell you about the time I lived in an airshaft?" "Was that before or after the, uh, bank vault?" "Hey, look, it's a window and a metaphor for your life." "This cat smells like a litter box." "Yeah, that's because it's 70's porno movie smell, so popular with today's youth." " I don't think that popular with anyone." " Speak for yourself." "Well, I guess we got to chuck it." "Sure gonna be a pain getting this mother down the stairs." " Want me to throw it out the window?" " Goat your devotion to lazyness astounds me." " Me and lazyness is like that." "It's worth a try." "Chaka, you and Mecca stand out front." "Make sure no one gets in the way." "Do you think you can handle that?" "Whatever, Alex, you act like I'm" "'Miss Irresponsible' or something." "You're cool." "No one's coming." "The first transport is away." " It can fly." "To be free ... fly like the wind." "Uh, here's the motherload, get out of the way." "Good, you want a couch on your head?" "Oh, my God." "I forgot to tell you, Jimmy, like, swears up and down on that I forced him to go out with her." "Are you serious?" "Uh, oh." " Yo, hey!" "Are we clear?" " Yeah, whatever." "Throw it." "Yeah, nice Chaka, real nice." "You want those crazy PETA people on my ass?" "Uhhh!" " Watch what you're doing." " All right, chill out." "I'm on top of it." "You got tons of room." "Okay." "But, watch yourself." "This could get ugly." "All right." " Hey, Chaka, Mecca, ... over here." "What's up, y'all?" "OooooooH!" "Oh, man, that guy took down all my info." "Now, I'll have to foot the bill to fix his crappy car." "Man, I told you to establish multiple identities." "And, guess who's chipping in, Chaka?" "No ... way." "It was totally an accident." "Uuuh!" "When I drop dead from a heart attack could somebody please inform my next of kin?" "Will do." " Can I at least trust you two to watch the van while we take stuff upstairs?" "I don't want to get ripped off." " I'll guard your 'Hulk" "Shower Curtain' with my life." "Grab the futon and let's move out." "I'll hold the door." "Engage." "Lift your end if it, Jen." " Is that a come on?" "Umm, yeah, sure." " Aren't you an easy one." " Ah, ... come on." "Get down and spread 'em." " Oh, yeah." "Oh, you're so subtle." "Oh, God." "Alex give him an ear ..." "Come on, I'm, I'm stronger." "I'm the manliest of all of us and I should be on the bottom." " Right." "You bet, you'll be on the bottom." "All right, look." "Shut up." "This whole thing is turning into" "One big pain in my ass." "And, it does not help that you're annoying and you are useless." "Umph!" "(wimpishly) Help." "Please." "Didn't you just call me annoying?" " B-u-u-u-r-r-r-p!" "Hey, partner, look." "There's Chaka and Mecca." "You know something, I swear Chaka wants to get with me." "I know it." " Bro, you're, like, bugging out, man." "Just chill with that." "She's, like, off the meat rack or something like that." "I don't know." "But, you know, like, she's not worth the trouble." "Oh, she's a little chicken head, but, eh, she's also kind a cute, man." "You think Chaka could get them both back to my crib?" "With the quickness." "Okay, now watch me go all suave and crap." "So, what's up, cuties?" "Yo, Matt, that's my brothers van." "Oh, ..." "Alex is the Cookie King?" " No he's just using it for the move." "Yeah, Fruity, he's an expert at moves." "Room for three?" "So, me and Mecca were, like, looking for this club, right." "It was horrible." "Bone head peed, like, simultaneously, in sync... almost, like, twins or something." "Like, we always are." "We ducked into this movie theater and this guy went ..." "No, you can't come in here, d, d, d, dog and use our toilet." " You think we're going to steal a toilet or something?" "That's stupid." "It's just a normal bodily function." "Hey, you know, I live a few blocks from here." " See, he's" "All, like, ..." "Around the corner..." "How do I know you won't come back, missy?" "Do you have any I.D.?" "I'm, like, what?" "He's, like, looking at trying to figure out whether it's really her's or not." "That it's a real school I.D." "I'm all, like, you, like, have no right to be looking at my name" "Seriously." "He's all ..." "Chaka Hanson." "He's like... checking out my card." "Seeing if it's validated..." "What are you doing?" "More like, who are you?" "You're like a vending person at a movie theater." "At the popcorn machine, or something." "Hey, I thought maybe later we can go over to my place." "Um, damn!" "Hey, you!" "Stop!" "Come back here with my van!" "Chaka!" "Wait up!" "What just happened?" "Your suave made them run away." "Where do you want the spatula?" " Don't shake the box." "Can't you read?" " Shake, shake, shake." "Shake, shake, shake." " Oh, you're ..." " You're booty." "You're just a laugh riot today, aren't you?" " Thank you." "How much stuff is left outside, anyways?" " I don't know." "The van!" "?" "Chaka!" "Ooooh!" "I'm going to bust your ass." "Oh, man, they're gone bro, not coming back." "Trust me, "B", they always come back." "Stupid Alex, and his stupid, stupid, always being right." " Wait Chaka, over there." "The van." "(shout together) Aaaaah!" "Hey, hey, you." "Over here." " No hitchhiking, you're crazy." " What?" "You can't get into a van with a total stranger." "He could be, like, like, put the frigging lotion in the basket." "I've got pepper spray." "Cool bed." "Is it yours?" "Of course, it's mine." "I'm driving it, ain't I?" "(Honk) Stop bucking the bus!" "I'm Toby, uh, what's your name." "Chaka." "Listen, can I have a ride and my friend Mecca and her cat?" "Thanks." " No." "Wait." "Um, I'm kind a in the middle of something right now." "See I ..." "Well, we might as well leave that sofa outside." "There's obviously no room for it, now." " What if" "Morticia Addams drops by and you want to put the moves on her?" " Well, actually I always kind of preferred Wednesday." "Now, how likely is that?" "Oh, I'd say it's about as likely as you bagging that spooky chick from the comic shop." "Humm." "How's the john?" "Big enough to contain you?" "Well, ..." "parts of me." "Only problem is the bowl's busted." "So, I had to throw it under the sink." " Ach, gross." "Uh, if I just figure out how to brew beer that doesn't make you pee all the time." "I'll paint a nice idyllic country scene on that window." "Some cows, barn ..." "Maybe, a mass murder." "Damn, what was I thinking?" "What if I made the wrong move?" "I mean, I had it fat back home." "No rent." "No responsibility." "All the chicken rolls I could eat." " No sex, no self-esteem, no hope of ever leading a normal life." "I've had sex." " Yeah, sure you did," "Anyway, even if you did make the wrong decision, you've got to make the best of it, now." "And, then spend decades complaining about your crumby apartment like every other New Yorker, who isn't a millionaire." "Jen's right, man." "You can not give up." "You must not look back." "Come hell, high water," "Or a fleet of Ferengi coming up your ass." "You must follow through and confront your destiny." "Gotta go." "Happy Hour." "Hey, since your getting rid of stuff, can I have the life-sized Xena." "Umm, where are the brakes, again?" "Get out of my way, tourist taco!" "Don't we have to get back?" "Mecca, don't get all parents on me, I'm having fun." " What about Alex?" "Hey, let's race that cab over there." "So, then they ran away, due to the fact they were overwhelmed by my charm." " This couch is so hot." "God, it's so ... decadent." " You can have it for 50 bucks." "It was my great-grandmother's." " Ummm." "I don' know." " She was a Madam in a whore house ..." "in New Orleans." "Uh, drink, absinthe?" "Oh, shut up." "I don't think so." "I don't know, the claws are cool though." "But, I'll tell you what, I'll deliver it for free." "Okay, I'll take it." "I guess." "Hey, guys, I'll give you 10 bucks each to help." "Hey, that little creepy, crawly, babe you're so crazy about is taking off with your sofa." "Don't let him off if he has to use the bathroom." "He's ... dirty." " Who's yelling?" "I don't know." "Some freak." "Hey, didn't I see your picture on the Goth chick of the week website?" "Hmm." "That's original." "Damn." "Still no sign of the van." "Chaka doesn't even have a license." "At least, not a real one." "Where the hell are they?" "Wait, what are the rules again?" " Ok, you can be like,anywhere in the world, doing anything you want, with anyone." "You have like unlimited money." "Be specific." "Okay, I'm with this guy and he's really sensitive and smart, and we're in love." "He buys me flowers, writes me true love songs every other day." "Mecca, where do you live?" "Like, where are you in the world?" "I don't know." "It doesn't matter." "So, I have this seriously deep connection at an almost comic level ..." "Then he leans in and just before he's about to kiss me ..." " What are you wearing?" "What does he look like?" "Uh ... forget it." "You don't even know how to play this game." " I live on a private island" "Me too." "Where the water was like always crystal blue and the sand was always white and it was always exactly 85 degrees." "Yeah." "And, we get shrimp and lobster and vanilla, you know with the little beans in it." " Yeah, whatever." "We could have a chef cooking gourmet style dinner all the time." " Yo, a mansion, a television with every room in it." " We could have, like, our own private jet with our own DJ spin any type of music." "What about a casino?" "We can have a casino, yo, it's a fantasy." " All right." "See, Mecca, that's how you play the game." "Ok, what do you think of the window as, I don't know," "Think of it as, like a, a conversation piece." "You know, just be thankful you've got the broken toilet in the apartment and not down the hall." " Thanks for trying to cheer me up." "But, I am un, un, uncheerupable." "Ha." "I'm sorry, I don't speak your language." "I made a new word, today." " You did, you coined a phrase, didn't you." "But, I must go now." "I must return to my apartment." "featuring unreliable hot water slutty roommate, my plaster chips that fall on my head." "Bye-bye." " Later." "Pbbbfft." "Ooh." "We went all the way to Atlantic City and they wouldn't even let us gamble." "What kind of dumb wack law is that?" "Well, it's only 2 AM though, we could still go out." "What do you say, Mecca?" "Wake up babes, you're home." "Thanks for the ride." "Bye, Toby or whatever." "See ya, Chaka." "Mister Peeper says night-night." "Uh, okay, where to now?" "Don't move." "Just follow my directions, carefully no one gets hurt." "You know, you're a really wierd chick." "Yo!" "It's me!" "Chaka?" "Ooh, God I'm so beat." "Don't worry, I can sleep on the floor, though." "Where's the van!" "?" "What the hell happened." "Where have you been?" " Ugh, Don't freak." "This guy stole it." "I had to track him down and spend the whole day with him so he wouldn't suspect anything." "Then, I had to hold pepper spray to his head to force him to bring it back." "It's parked right outside in a legal spot, so, thank me, okay." "Oh, Chaka, you really are brilliant liar." " Fine don't believe me." "Can I stay, anyway?" "Ah, yeah, I guess." "Too tired to argue." "(smack) You're the best brother." "I'll make you coffee in the morning, baby." "But, don't wake me up before noon, okay." "Wow, it really is a dump in here." " Yeah." "Guess this is what the refer to as ... real life, huh." " Well, it may not be pretty but at least now you have to worry about Mom interrupting your personal time in the bathroom." "Yeah, that's true." "Wait, wa ... you know about that?" "Umm ..." "Hey, Chaka, I'm sick of waiting downstairs." "Sorry about the van, man." "Your sister's cool." "Toby, this is Alex." "Um, I told Toby he could crash here, too." "That's okay with you, isn't it, Alex?" "Alex?" "Subtitles by josmndsn"