"I'm never going to school again." "Sally?" "Why are you upset?" "Is your teacher giving you trouble again?" "nothing's wrong with my teacher." "She's a very nice person." "Is it one of the classes?" "the classes are okay." "Are you having trouble with math?" "Don't you understand fractions and decimals?" "I don't find it hard." "I even got 100 in my test yesterday." "Are you having trouble with the kids on the playground?" "that's all right." "what's the trouble?" "I can't get my stupid locker open." "it's time to get up and go to school." "I told you I wasn't going to go to school again." "I'll help you with the locker." "okay." "But there's something else you can help me with today." "will you promise to help me?" "of course." "Now get up." "What are you going to have for breakfast?" "Maybe I'll have a piece of toast." "I've never very hungry in the morning." "You can't go to school without a rousing breakfast." "It's a known fact that..." "That all of our country's presidents started each day with a rousing breakfast." "I don't know how they managed to get together every morning." "But I guess that's one of those things about government I don't understand." "Sally." "Let's go to school." "do you know the combination?" "Of course I know the combination." "It's 20-13-48." "You go to 20 then past zero to 13 then back past zero again to 48." "I've been looking at that sign every day and I've finally figured out what it means." "It means that the bus holds 50 kids." "right?" "One hundred feet means the bus holds 50 kids." "You gotta remember that sometimes you have to tap the lock on the bottom to make it open." "Some of these locks are kind of touchy." "You have to make sure that you dial the numbers just right." "I had one once that I had to hit on the bottom before it would open." "that's why." "forget that stupid locker." "I've got something more important that I need your help with right now." "I volunteer to be first." "I have a treat for you." "I'm presenting my big brother." "he's my big brother only because he was lucky enough to be born first." "Stand up straight." "I'm trying to get an A in show and tell." "Don't goof it for me." "big brothers come in a variety of sizes and quality." "this is my big brother and I just thought I would present him to you today for show and tell." "Thank you." "That's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life." "Student body president?" "Charlie Brown." "You'd make a great student body president." "Me?" "Nobody would ever vote for me." "I would." "What's going on here?" "What are you guys talking about?" "I think Charlie Brown would make a great candidate for student body president." "That sounds great but I don't think I could win." "I'd hate to run and find that nobody wanted me to be president." "I don't think I could stand that." "I'll tell you what." "I'll be your campaign manager and the first thing to do is take a poll." "We'll find out if you can be elected." "Charlie Brown how exciting it would be for you if you did win." "I can see it now." "All the votes are counted and everyone comes running up to you and says:" "Charlie Brown!" Wouldn't that make you feel great?" "I have the results of my poll." "Charlie Brown." "You have no way of winning." "No way." "Charlie Brown your chances for being elected are zero." "No way." "We'll have to put up another candidate." "Linus?" "He'll do something about those lockers that nobody can reach." "I don't know." "I'll take another poll." "If my brother Linus were running for student body president would you vote for him?" "If my brother were running for student body president would you vote for him?" "I remember one time he gave me half of his peanut butter sandwich." "I'd vote for anybody who took me out to lunch." "If my brother Linus were running for student body president would you vote for him?" "You bet." "How could I help it?" "all the way." "If you knew that Linus Van Pelt were running for president..." "... would you vote for him?" "No." "If you knew that he was going to straighten out the whole educational system..." "... would you vote for him?" "No." "If you knew that he was going to solve... would you vote for him?" "why not?" "Because I'm the one who'd be running against him." "the results are in." "I've conducted my poll on Linus' chances to be elected student body president." "1 percent against." "this auditorium is packed with teachers and kids." "Shh." "Schroeder's starting his nomination speech for you." "I am here this morning to nominate for the office of school president a great young man." "I'd like to say a few words about Beethoven." "good grief." "The candidate whose name I would like to place before the electorate possesses the same unique combination of qualities... the greatest of all composers... and that tower of strength." "Linus is sort of like that too." "I accept the nomination for the office of student body president." "to get organized." "I have to have an assistant." "Charlie Brown." "you line up your own staff." "You gotta have somebody who will handle things like signs and posters." "you're going to be my assistant in this campaign." "And the first thing I want you to do is to have some signs painted." "You can line up your own staff." "Linus?" "What are you going to do about drinking fountains?" "I am for them." "Good." "What will you do about recesses?" "I say." "good." "What about homework?" "Are you against homework?" "hear!" "What about sick pay?" "Are you for sick pay?" "I'm for it!" "The studio's right through here." "I've lined you up with a talk show so you can have a chance to answer questions that the voters may have." "It'll give us the kind of exposure we need." "Stand by." "Linus." "Hello?" "Yes?" "Are you there?" "GIRL:" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Am I on the air?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Are we talking now?" "Good grief." "you're on the air." "What do you have to say?" "Do you have a question?" "Yes." "I'm a first-time caller but a long-time listener." "I wanna know what the candidate's gonna do about the rivers." "Rivers?" "Our school doesn't have any rivers." "BO Y 1:" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Am I on the air?" "you're on the air." "What is your question?" "you know." "you know." "You know how it is when you're a voter." "I just wanted to ask." "I just wanted to talk to the candidate." "you know." "Hello?" "BO Y 2:" "Hello?" "Who is this?" "who is this"?" "Do you wanna talk to the candidate?" "What?" "No." "I'm calling Harold in Saint Paul." "Is Harold home?" "I wanna talk to Harold." "You have the wrong number." "Hello?" "GIRL 2:" "Hello?" "I have a question." "I want to ask this question and I want to talk to the candidate." "Can I ask the candidate a question?" "the candidate is here." "I have this question..." "I could ask you the question." "Because I know that if you're going to vote for a candidate I'm kind of glad that it's good that you're having a talk show like this because it's kind of nice that we can call in and ask our questions because you really can't ask questions of candidates." "I don't know how you can vote for somebody and I'm glad that I have a chance to ask this question." "because I thought about this question and I think it's good to be able to ask questions of a candidate." "I have a question for you." "Yes." "What?" "What is your question?" "What?" "What did you say?" "What is your question?" "my gosh." "I forgot what the question is." "I see by the clock that our time is just about up." "I'm glad that we have had this opportunity to talk because I think that it has cleared up a lot of the issues on the minds of you voters." "And if we don't have talk shows like this... we cannot really have good government." "Thank you all for your cooperation." "We're in." "The polls show Linus ahead 99.8 percent to 0.2 percent." "Great." "I'll go out now and introduce the opposition." "it gives me great pleasure to present to you our two candidates for office." "I'm happy to present Russell Anderson and Linus Van Pelt." "I know you are all anxious to hear what the candidates have to say." "I present to you Russell Anderson." "I'm very honored to be running for student body president." "I promise to do the best I can." "Thank you." "now we're really in." "That's the worst speech I ever heard in my whole life." "you've heard the thoughts of one candidate." "Now I'd like to introduce Linus Van Pelt." "Mr. Chairman." "countrymen..." "I will purge the kingdom." "My administration will release us from our spiritual Babylon." "My administration will bring down the false idols in high places." "I wonder why the principal looks so pale." "If I'm elected school president I will demand immediate improvements." "I will demand across-the-board wage increases... teachers and all administrative personnel." "And any little dog who happens to wander on to the playground will not be chased away but will be welcomed with open arms." "I will do away with cap-and-gown kindergarten graduations and sixth-grade dance parties." "Hooray!" "Linus." "children will be children and adults will be adults." "If I'm elected school president my first act will be to appear before the school board." "Hm." "I'm sorry." "I will not be able to appear before the school board." "They meet at 8:00 and I go to bed at 7:30." "Linus." "Would you care to tell us what you intend to do if you're elected?" "I intend to straighten things out." "We are in the midst of a moral decline." "my first act will be to meet with the parents' club the principal and all the teachers." "We are starting..." "I'll just put down that you're very honored and will do your best if elected." "The press is against me." "Linus." "we'd like a picture of you." "I thought we'd pose you with a dog." "I've changed my mind." "this is your last speech of the campaign so go out there and give it all you've got." "teachers and fellow students this will be my last speech before our election." "Charlie Brown." "I want you to know that I have enjoyed this campaign." "BO Y:" "You tell them." "And it has been a pleasure to meet so many of you." "Hooray!" "Right on!" "And I have appreciated your support." "I have a little surprise for you." "Tell it like it is!" "rather than campaign talk I've decided to say a few words about the Great Pumpkin." "BOTH:" "Ugh!" "Halloween will soon be with us." "the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch and brings toys to all the good little children." "I've blown the election." "say it." "Say it." "Go ahead and say it." "I know you wanna say it." "I talked too much and I blew the election." "So go ahead and say it." "you blockhead!" "She said it." "we still have a chance." "My personal poll now shows you and Russell tied at 50-50." "we might still pull it out of the bag." "It's depressing to think that there are students who don't believe in the Great Pumpkin." "It's hard being a campaign worker." "We're completely at the mercy of our candidate." "We do all the work and the candidate gets all the credit." "We ring doorbells and make the posters and build up the candidate's image and then he says something stupid and ruins everything we've done." "it's gonna be for myself." "Linus." "Russell." "Linus." "One for Linus." "Linus." "One for Russell." "Linus." "Vote for Linus." "Linus." "I think that he would make a better president than I would." "Vote for Linus." "Russell." "Linus is the winner." "we finally made it." "Here we are." "Now you go in and tell him exactly what you're gonna do to straighten out this school." "You go right in and tell him." "You've got the authority." "We voted you in." "Linus will lower the boom." "He should make today a school holiday." "sir." "sir." "I hope you told him." "not really." "he told me." "He sold out!" "We elected him and he sold out!" "promises." "You elect them and they weasel out of their promises."