"THE FIREMEN'S BALL AND LOTTERY" "Show me." "That's nice, isn't it?" "It's very nice." "He'll like it." "Show me." "That's nice." "Give it to me." "I'm sure he'll like it." "Nice, very nice, but I tell you we should've given it to him sooner, like last year, when he celebrated his eighty-fifth birthday." "Not now at the last moment." "Well, that's true, but last year we didn't know he'd get cancer this year." "That's just it, now it looks as if we want to give it to him quickly before he dies." "And you expect him to be pleased." "We're the only ones who know he's got cancer." "He doesn't." "So he can still be pleased, can't he?" "How do you know he doesn't know, you asked him?" "Well and who should have told him?" "We won't tell and the doctor won't either." "The doctor won't tell him." "The law says the doctor can't tell him." "You could have the worst cancer and the doctor won't tell you." "That's why nobody believes doctors." "Don't tell me." "Nobody has to tell me." "Everyone feels it when their last hour has come." "Nobody has to tell him." "You haven't died yet so you can't know." "Wait a minute, guys, we won't get anywhere like this." "If he knows then he knows, and if he doesn't we won't tell him." "Franta, you are such a hypochondriac..." "Don't you dare ask him where his cancer hurts or something..." "Don't worry, I won't." "What a dumb joke." "Vaclav!" "Stop screwing around, man." "Well, there is no time for that now." "How stupid." "There was a cake here." "What?" "Give it here." "It's not for me, it's for the people!" "What do you want me to do?" "Mr. Balcar!" "Wait, don't talk to him now." "Mr. Balcar!" "What?" "Don't talk to me now!" "I told you." "I was standing here holding the ladder." "I couldn't see what was going on behind my back." "How can I know whether anybody was there or not?" "Well?" "Don't you agree?" "Wait, what should we do now?" "Well, I don't know." "Just a minute." "Well, I don't know either." "It's just the two of us here." "Only us two, but I really don't know anything about it." "Somebody must have taken it." "Then search me, gentlemen." "Sit down, Lojzik." "It couldn't have been you." "Look here, I saw it!" " You see too much." " Look here, don't lie to me." " You see too much." "Vaclav, don't lie." "That foot wasn't there!" "Of course it was." "Look, the ladder is standing by itself." "Stop it." "It could fall down!" "It won't." "Just look, it won't fall down." "Look here, I don't believe that you were here the whole time." "You were not here, because your foot was here like that!" "You had it like that." "I saw it." " What are you saying?" " I saw it." "Why do you keep pushing me?" "Damn it, I saw it!" "Here!" "Here!" "Saw it, saw it..." "You should have watched the cake and not me!" "Who could have taken it?" "I didn't!" "Somebody who could have left!" "I didn't take it." "You better watch it!" "I won't work with you any longer because you're all liars!" "But..." "You could have gone away from here..." "I'm not staying here with you." "What did you say?" "I'm leaving." "I won't stay here." "I'm going!" "Well, well, Josef..." "What..." "What are you doing?" "For God's sake, where are you going?" "Help!" "Help!" "Let me..." "Let me down!" "Let me down!" "Let me down!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "I..." "I can't... hold on any longer." "I can't..." "Let me down!" "Help!" "Let me down, plea..." "I..." "I'm letting go!" "Allow me, gentlemen." "I am letting go." "I'm..." "I'm letting go..." "I'm letting go." "THE FIREMEN'S BALL" "Go, go, go, go, go, you fool." "Guys, we have to look at this sensibly, don't you think?" "There is no point in..." "What?" "Take a good look at them and you'll see." "Guys, like this..." "Vasek, he's got a lot of common sense." "Damn it, guys, stop fighting." "It's starting to piss me off." "Wait a minute, I'll count them." "Wait, I'll count them." "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven..." "Just a minute, gentlemen." "We're going to elect a beauty queen from around here." "You've got girls from around the world, too many..." "Wait a minute." "We won't take them all." "We'll take... well, how many?" "Mother, I had a bottle of cognac here." "Where?" "Here." "And it isn't there?" "Look for yourself." "You can see that it's gone." "That's impossible." "It was right here, see?" "Did you really put it there?" "Of course I did!" "I've been here the whole time." "It's not my fault." "There was nobody here." "You didn't watch it." "I did." "You did not!" "I'm telling you that I did watch!" "What were you watching?" "I don't know what you watched there, but you weren't watching here!" "Don't shout at me!" "I..." "I am not shouting!" "You call this shouting?" "I am telling you quite calmly, aren't I?" "You did not watch." "The bottle is gone!" "I should think..." "How silly." "Wait a minute." "We have to make our minds up whether we are going to take two or ten or twelve or six." "Eight." " Eight?" " Eight." "Yes, but they must be the most beautiful we have." "Remember." "I understand." "I understand." "Do it then." "The most beautiful girls we have here." "We can't see anything from here, guys." "We'll have to go to the balcony to see real busts." "Vaclav, look, I only called you because I had a bottle of cognac here." "Mother and I were watching it carefully and now the bottle's gone." "Just look." "And where is it?" "That's why I am calling you, so that people wouldn't think it was us... that we... you know... that we pinched it." "But Josef..." "Where is that headcheese?" "What headcheese?" "There was a headcheese here." "Well, there was a chocolate ball here, you know, that was here, but no headcheese, Vaclav." "Vaclav, well, really..." "I was here." "No, there was definitely no headcheese." "No!" "And where is that chocolate ball?" "Don't talk." "Wait a minute." "Chocolate ball..." "Chocolate..." "Mother, come here." "There was a chocolate ball here." "What ball?" "A chocolate ball!" "There was no chocolate ball." "I tell you... there was..." "You are making it up, man!" "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." "Perhaps there was a headcheese." "Vaclav, you know you're right." "It was a headcheese." "Well, that's all right, then." "Excellent." "Everything is all right." "But, damn it, where is the headcheese?" "That's a woman." "I'd call her a queen." "Legs." "I want to see legs!" "Guys, we're doing it all wrong." "We are looking at their legs and should be looking at their faces." "The face must be like a picture." "Face like a picture - they're the worst." "Come and have a look, men." "I like that one, the one scratching her head." "What do you say to that?" "Well..." "Otto, Otto!" "Put that Blanka Truhlarova on the list, too." "Who?" "Don't ask any questions and put her down!" "Blanka Truhlarova!" "For Christ's sake, what are you writing there?" "Blanka Truhlarova." "Don't put her there." "She's a nightmare." "Wait, wait, add her to the list." "I did already." "Should I leave her there?" "All right, leave her then." "Well, we've got the first." "Mother, they caught on." "Stop that guys." "And who ordered it?" "I didn't." "I didn't either." "Well, who did then?" "I did." "Have a drink." "There's my girl, sitting over there." "He'll want us to add his Ruzena, too." "Fine, we've got two already!" "Which one is she?" "See that one there?" "That's her." "This is from those three men over there and you're not supposed to send them anymore." "Good evening, miss." "Miss..." "We came on behalf..." " We're from the ball committee." " Wait." "Tell her..." "Miss..." "We are..." "If you would... that you... like to participate in the beauty queen contest." "You are quite a decent and good-Iooking girl." "What do you say?" "Don't do this to me, guys!" "Wait." "What should I wait for when I'm talking to you?" "Get him out of here, please." "Get him out of here." "Ludvik, come on, come on." "What is it?" "Come on, what's wrong with you?" "Jesus Christ, why us?" "Just you wait, you." "We chose the lady here." "Add our Ruzena to that list so that she'll leave me in peace." "Ludva, Ludva, she looks so much like you, you can't even imagine how much." "Well, she's my daughter." "I also..." "I also think so." "Well, don't laugh." "Miss, can we count on you?" "Franta, Franta, come here." "Come here, I say!" "Vrsecka and Matejickova..." "I never knew what good looking girls we had." "We've got three already." "Franta, don't bullshit, just write." "What's her name?" "Vrsecka and Matejickova." "Otto!" "That Blanka I told you, cross her out!" "What for?" "A moment ago you told me to put her down." "And now I'm telling you to cross her out... definitely." "What should I do then?" "Cross her out?" "Don't cross out anything!" "But she said "cross her out"!" "Damn it, what do you want?" "Well, cross her out then." "All right, I'll cross her out." "I watched." "You didn't!" "I did!" "It wasn't my fault." "It was yours!" "Well, that one there..." "Well, Ludvo, Ludvo, will you stop annoying me?" "Frantisek, I won't until you take our Ruzena." "I can't believe it, mother." "You're so dumb, so dense." "They're the ones stealing it, damn it." "It's them!" "Well, you'll see." "Leave me alone." "Don't touch me." "Stop it." "I tell you, stop it." "Go away." "Will you all please go away?" "Don't stand there!" "What, don't you understand the Czech language?" "What kind of discipline is this?" "Go away!" "I know a nice castle inn the vineyard, brook and forest is whispering there" "I know a nice castle inn now it's called paradise" "Near Kokorin, near Kokorin I like to drink a bottle of wine" "Near Kokorin, near Kokorin is Catherine" "And Catherine knows how to make love" "A quick barmaid, cleverly making her way" "Refusing everyone, she knows what to do" "As soon as I enter, she looks at me" "The world turns round and it's already May" "Near Kokorin, near Kokorin I like to drink a bottle of wine" "Near Kokorin, near Kokorin is Catherine" "Cmarada!" "Is that you?" "Well, Cmarada!" "Kavrik!" "Kavrik!" "Miss, we are from the entertainment committee and we came to ask you whether or not you would participate in the beauty contest... well, that... competition... that competition..." "What do you want?" "Whether you would like to enter the beauty contest." "See?" "Wait." "What is it, gentlemen?" "What do you want?" "Well, wait, is this your girl?" "Come on!" "Wait, wait, wait, we'll explain!" "Go on, explain then." "Look here, is this your girl?" "We want to ask her to enter the beauty queen competition." "Stop it." "Stop it." "But wait." "Go on, man." "Explain!" "That's what I'm trying to do." "Explain." "I am already explaining for the second time." "Don't touch me!" "Let him explain!" "Let me explain!" "Go to hell!" "I'll show you "shit on the fire brigade" you hooligan!" "Leave him alone, Franta!" "Yes, Zindulka!" "You never even crossed my mind, man." "But..." "You're back from the army already?" "Well, Zindulka... well..." "what do you know!" "What are you doing there?" "Damn it, I can't find that paper, that piece of paper with the list of the girls." "Miss, get out of there and be quick about it!" "Come on!" "I tell you, get out of there!" "I'll have to call someone and that would mean trouble for you, unnecessary trouble." "Please, come out, will you?" "What are you looking for in my bag?" "What business is it of yours what I've got there?" "And why did you pull it out from under the table?" "Everyone is stealing here and you only watch, you old honest idiot." "Vrsecka." "Vrsecka." "Vrsecka!" "No, that one was really ugly." "Well, we crossed her out, too." "Matejickova!" "Matejickova!" "Yes, Matejickova, put her down- Matejickova, well..." "All right, but in that case we've only got one." "Write her down..." "Ruzena Metelkova." "I'll write her down." "Yes, but now we've only got two." "Well, what is it, what is it?" "Could I step out now?" "Step out now?" "Wait." "Voting for the beauty contest is supposed to take place now." "Yes, that's just it..." "I don't know, I don't know..." "I'm afraid I might do something wrong, you know..." "Wait." "Perhaps nothing will happen if you come back right away." "Thank you, but in that case I prefer to hold on." "Attention please!" "Attention please!" "I ask all the chosen candidates for the beauty queen contest... all these comrades should come to the room behind the bar." "I repeat:" "Behind the bar!" "Come in!" "Stand over there by the wall." "Don't worry - they'll improve, they'll improve." "Good day." "I'm the mother." "And I came to have a look at you and find out what this is all about." "My girl keeps talking about some beauty queen and I think, she is young, you know, inexperienced, somebody might get the better of her, so I came to ask... to see... well, just to find out what it's all about." "How nice that you came to have a look." "You're pleased that we chose her, no?" "Well, if you like her, I'll leave it up to you." "Keep calm, mother, everything's clean." "Well, I had to make sure." "What's a mother for?" "Just don't worry." "Take a good look at us, you'll see that we couldn't..." "Well, I'll call her." "Hana, where are you?" "Come here." "Here she is." "She's thin, doesn't get enough to eat..." "But if she doesn't want to eat, it's nobody's fault, is it?" "Stay here nicely and stand up straight." "Here she is then." "She won't leave, man." "She won't leave." "That's all right mother, you can go now." "Let me stay here." "I want to see what's going to happen." "I want to know what you're going to do now." "No need not worry - nothing's going to happen to her here." "And nothing will happen to you either if you let me stay here." "Come in!" "Come in!" "Come in, come in, don't be afraid." "Go and stand over there next to the girls." "Come in!" "Come in!" "Come in, go and stand over there." "Good evening." "Come in." "Stand over there next to..." "That's not all." "We said eight." "Yes, yes, yes, yes... oh yes." "She was behind the door." "She was behind the door." "I wasn't chosen." "Everything's all right." "Stand here." "Everything's all right." "Well, start." "What am I supposed to start?" "I'll start myself." "I'll help you." "Come on." "Girls, I welcome you on behalf of the entertainment committee." "You were chosen as the most beautiful at our ball." "Are you happy?" "I wasn't chosen." "I chose her myself." "I chose her myself." "Now I'll tell you what we are going to do in a little while on the stage, okay?" "Go on!" "Girls." "Tell that old bag to go away." "Tell her to go away." "Somebody go and dance with her." "Go on, take her!" "Why me?" "He can go." "Me again?" "Don't argue!" " Don't argue!" " Me again?" "May I have the pleasure?" "Oh, sorry." "Now it's getting interesting." "I'd like to see it." " Go with him." " Don't hurt his feelings." " Go and dance with him, lady." " Only one round then." "You wouldn't refuse him, would you?" "Go on!" "Girls." "Attention!" "I'll show you a beauty queen, you dirty geezers!" "Get out of here." "Get out!" "At ease!" "Girls, I would like to point out that the one that is elected beauty queen will be given the honorary task of presenting this gift to our former chairman, who will be eighty-six years old." "Eighty-six." "Continue." "Well, I'II..." "I'll show them how they should walk, yes?" "Look here girls, so that you don't stroll in like a herd..." "You understand, yes?" "Well, like that." "People will be watching you, five hundred people will be watching you." "You must show all you can so that we're not ashamed of you, so that they will not tell us that we chose some... well, you understand?" "Take one step forward." "Turn right." "No, no." "Turn left, turn left." "Good evening... evening..." "Excuse me for being late." "I went home to get my bathing suit." "What?" "Bathing suit." "You've got it with you?" "Wait!" "What are you doing?" "Leave her alone." "But I can't let her undress here." "Why not?" "They're also in bathing suits." "Hold the door so that nobody comes in." "Continue." "You told her to bring a bathing suit?" "Tell me, miss, who told you to bring a bathing suit?" "Nobody." "Girls, nobody told you to bring a bathing suit?" "Why didn't you tell the others to?" "Nobody told us anything." "Miss, step a little further back, will you?" "Yes, further." "Further, further, further." "Stop." "That will do" "Try to hold a pose." "Try something else." "Miss, you over there." "Stand next to her." "Take the same pose as her." "That bathing suit looks much better, but everyone should have one." "There's something quite different about that bathing suit..." "All right, all right." "Go back to your places." "And now you can continue practicing your march." "Girls, attention!" "Left!" "Left!" "Left!" "Left!" "A bit lively!" "Look at me, damn it!" "Well, girls, smile, look happy, happy..." "Happy, happy, one, two, one, two..." "And smile... happily, smile." "Smile, girls." "Left, left, smile." "Send a kiss to the audience." "Damn it, girls, a kiss... there!" "A nice kiss." "A kiss, kiss, well, you know how." "One two, one two..." "Nice, girls!" "Get dressed, quickly." "Take your places like before." "Hurry up, hurry up, I tell you!" "Hurry..." "Jesus Christ..." "Come in!" "Come in!" "What are you doing here?" "Where did you leave that old woman?" "Zeminek took her from me." "You are such an idiot, such an idiot." "Me again?" "Me again?" "And now, at last, the long awaited moment has come." "We shall now elect the beauty queen." "She will then hand over an honorary present to our former chairman." "Now I ask the chosen candidates to come to the stage." "Music!" "I tell you, I tell you, keep calm." "Stand here." "I'll tell you when to go." "Comrade candidates, please come up here to the stage." "What's the matter with those girls?" "I don't know." "Where are they?" "Is somebody going to come up here?" "Ruzena!" "Stop this nonsense!" "Come up here!" "Girls!" "Clap your hands, mother!" "Please don't clap." "That does not belong in the competition." "Why are you clapping?" "It's pointless." "Go on, clap your hands!" "Please come up here and stop bowing." "Don't waste any more time!" "Not yet." "Not yet." "Not yet." "Now, now." "Damn it!" "Next one, please, come up here!" "Strike up the band!" "Continue, please." "Continue!" "Go on, go on up there!" "Music, what is it?" "We're supposed to play alone?" "Of course." "I'm going over there!" "Bartosova, I see you!" "Miss!" "Misses!" "I wasn't chosen!" "I wasn't chosen!" "I wasn't chosen!" "That doesn't matter." "Come on, come on!" "I won't!" "I wasn't chosen either!" "Let me go!" "Ruzena, Ruzena, come back!" "Ruzena, come back!" "No you don't!" "We want the queen!" "We want the queen!" "We want the queen!" "Girls, open the door!" "Stop this nonsense!" "Girls!" "Ladies, come out!" "Be sensible, I beg you!"