"MOSFILM" "An Experemental studio of comedy film" "Rostislav PLYATT, Georgy VITSIN, Yury NIKULIN, Alexei SMIRNOV," "A.PAULUS, G.SHVORIN, V.GROMOV, Seryozha TIKHONOV in O.Henry's short stories" "STRICTLY BUSINESS" "Director and screenplay Leonid GAIDAI" "Director of photography K.BROVIN" "Music by G.FIRTICH" "THE ROADS WE TAKE" "We ain't got long to wait here." "They'll be on our trail." "What are we going to do about a hoss for you, Bob?" "Oh, I guess that can use of yours'll carry double for a while." "We'll annex the first animal we come across." "By jingoes, we made a haul, didn't we?" "According to the marks on this money there's 30,000 – 15,000 apiece!" "It's short of what I expected." "Old Bolivar's mighty nigh played out," "I wish that sorrel of yours hadn't got hurt." "So do I, but it can't be helped." "Bolivar will get us both far enough to get fresh mounts." "What a pity!" "Dang it, Shark, I can't help thinking how funny it is that an Easterner like you can come out here and give us Western fellows cards and spades in the desperado business." "What part of the East was you from, anyway?" "What?" "I say, what part of the East was you from?" " I'm from New York State." " New York?" "I got here by sheer luck." "I was walking along the road with my clothes in a bundle, making for New York City." "I had an idea of going there and making lots of money." "I always felt like I could do it." "I came to a place where the road forked and I didn't know which fork to take." "I studied about it for half an hour, and then I took the left-hand." "and I went West with it." "Well done!" "I've often wondered... if I wouldn't have turned out different if I'd took the other road." "Oh, I reckon you'd have ended up about the same." "It ain't the roads we take, it's what's inside of us that makes us turn out the way we do." "I'd a good deal rather that sorrel of yours hadn't hurt himself, Bob." "Same here, he was sure a first-rate kind of a crowbait." "But Bolivar, he'll pull us through all right." "Reckon we'd better be moving on, hadn't we, Shark?" " Stop your funning!" "We got to be hitting the breeze." " Set still!" "Set still!" "You ain't going to hit no breeze, Bob." "I hate to tell you, but there ain't any chance for but one of us." "Bolivar, he's plenty tired, and he can't carry double." "We been pards, me and you, for three year, Shark Dodson." "We've risked our lives together time and again." "I've always give you a square deal, and I thought you was a man." "I've heard some queer stories about you shooting one or two men in a peculiar way, but I never believed 'em." "You don't know how bad I feel, about that sorrel of yourn breaking his leg, Bob." "Now if you're just having a little fun with me, Shark, put your gun up." "If you mean to shoot – shoot!" "Shoot, you blackhearted son of a tarantula!" "Bolivar cannot carry double." "Ahem!" "Peabody," "I must have fallen asleep?" "Yes, sir." "I had a most remarkable dream." "What is it, Peabody?" "Mr. Williams, sir, is outside." "He has come to settle his deal." "The market caught him short, sir, if you remember." "Yes, I remember." "What is quoted at today?" "– One eighty-five, sir." "Then that's his price." "Excuse me, sir, but he say he's an old friend of yours, Mr. Dodson, and he would like to speak with you..." "And he's waiting..." " Okay." "Let him in." " Yes, sir." "Williams..." "Listen, Dodson, we been pards, me and you..." "I've always give you a square deal." "I'm very sorry that it happened..." "You bought up all stocks." "I think you might..." "If you remember I sold you the stock at 98." "Yes, I remember at 98." "Listen Dodson, if I settle at the market price, as you are asking me to do, I will lose money - be ruined!" "This would be my downfall." "I ask you, please..." "Please..." "I hate to tell you, but there ain't any chance for you." "One eighty-five." "Bolivar cannot carry double." "MAKES THE WHOLE WORLD KIN" "Lay still!" "I say lay still!" "Hands up!" "Up with the other one." "You might be amphibious and shoot with your left." "You can count two, can't you?" "Hurry up, now!" " Can't raise the other one." " What's the matter with it?" "Rheumatism... in the shoulder." "Inflammatory?" "Was..." "The inflammation has gone down." "Don't stand there making faces," "If you've come to burgle why don't you do it?" "There's some stuff lying around." "Excuse me, it's good for you that rheumatism and me happens to be old pals." "I got it in my left arm, too." "Most anybody but me would have popped you when you wouldn't hoist that left claw of yours." "Tell me please, how long have you had it?" "Four years..." "I guess that ain't all." "Once you've got it, it's you for a rheumatic life – that's my judgment." " Well, ever try rattlesnake oil?" " Gallons," "If all the snakes I've used the oil of was strung out in a row they'd reach eight times as far as Saturn and back." " Some use Chiselum's Pills." " Fudge!" "Took 'em five months." "No good." "I had some relief the year I tried Finkelham's Extract..." " Finkelhait's." "Yes, Finkelhait's... and when I used Potts's Pain Pulverizer," "I felt oneself better." "But I think it was the buckeye" "I carried in my pocket what done the trick." "Is yours worse in the morning or at night?" "Night, just when I'm busiest." "Say, take down that arm of yours." "Say!" "Did you ever try..?" "Damn!" "..." "Forgot..." "Here is it..." " Ahem!" "Blickerstaff's Blood Builder..." " Did you?" "Blickerstaff's..." " You know, I never did." " It's a pity." "Does yours come in paroxysms or is it a steady pain?" "It jumps..." "It strikes me when I ain't looking for it." "I had to give up second-story work because I got stuck sometimes half-way up." " I see!" " Tell you what " "I don't believe the blooming doctors know what is good for it." " Same here." "I've spent a thousand dollars without getting any relief." " Yours swell any?" " Of mornings." "And when it's going to rain - great Christopher!" " Me, too..." "I can tell when a streak of humidity the size of a table-cloth starts from Florida and... with the approach of it, I began to feel badly," "And if I pass a theatre where there's the moisture starts my left arm an 'East Lynne' matinee going on, jumping like a toothache." " It's undiluted - hades!" "You're dead right." "Say, old man, ever try opodeldoc?" "Slop!" "Might as well rub on restaurant butter." "Sure, It's a salve suitable for little Minnie when the kitty scratches her finger." " Sure?" " Sure." "I'll tell you what!" "We're up against it." "You are right." " I only find one thing that helps in our life." " Fomentations?" "Saint Ignatius' nut?" "Well, it's a..." "Good Booze..!" "Eh?" "!" "Don't take umbrage at me." "Say, this job's off - get on your clothes and let's go out and have some." "The devil take it!" "For a week I haven't been able to dress myself without help." "I'm afraid Thomas is in bed, and..." "Climb out, I'll help you get into your duds." "You know, it's very unusual..." " Here's your shirt." " Of course." "I knew a man who said Omberry's Ointment fixed him in two weeks so he could use both hands in tying his four-in-hand." "Liked to forgot my money, laid it on the dresser last night." "Come on." "I ask you." "Leave it alone." "I've got the price." "Ever try the urine of young pig?" "Young?" "It's interesting..." "You know, my uncle..." "THE RANSOM OF RED CHIEF" "Ahem!" "It's you..." "How are you, Sam?" " You know, we have joint capital of about..." " Five hundred dollars." "That's just the point." "We cannot begin new business... with such money." "To pull off a fraudulent scheme in Western Illinois, we need more Two thousand dollars." " But where will we get it?" "I know..." "I have one brilliant idea." "2000 dollars that is easy as pie." " Bank robbery?" " No." "Express robbery?" "Oh Bill, I am tired of fussing like this." "Listen closely..." "The love of children..." "The love of children..." "It is strong in semi-rural communities." "Did you get me?" " No." "Kid..." "Kidnapping." "Sam!" "The money is ours in fact." "I've never been engaged in such business but I think we can risk." "No risk." "It is easy and simple." "While you had loafed about, I had paved the way for it." "Listen to me closely." "I have selected for our victim the only child of a prominent citizen." "His name is Ebenezer Dorset." "The pop will take out nothing less than two thousand dollars for his kid." "Don't disturb!" "Tomorrow we'll rent a carrriage in the neighbouring village." "The Dorset's home is uptown." "In the afternoon we'll go to the country,.." "...take the precious kid and hide him in a cave." "Next we'll write a letter to pop about ransom and get money." "The snot-nosed kid will be back home and we'll go to Western Illinois to pull an our scheme off." "You're a bad man on strategy tricks." "I am ready!" "Meow!" "That's 2000 that lies at our feet." "I'm sure we'll take 'em easy." "Hey, boy!" " Easier!" "Hey, little boy!" "Would you like to have a bag of candy and a nice ride?" "Wow!" "That will cost the old Dorset an extra five hundred dollars." "Take the boy to the cave and I'll return the carriage." "– You don't think he'll run away?" "– No fear of it." "Boy!" "Boy!" "Bill!" "– Do you live in the woods?" "– Yes, in the woods, boy!" ".." "Don't frighten a baby." "More ease..." "In the woods, little boy." "– Are there any real Indians here?" "– Who?" "– Indians. – No, there are no Indians here." "– Are you afraid, boy?" "– Me?" "Afraid?" "I am a Red Chief indeed!" "Got it?" "Keep an eye on him!" "Quickly!" "Wait!" "Ha!" "Cursed paleface," "do you dare to enter the camp of Red Chief?" "Hey you, Snake-eye!" "When my braves returned from the warpath you'll be broiled at the stake at the rising of the sun." "Go!" "Be ready to be punished." "Go!" "And what?" "He's all right now." "We're playing Indian." "I'm Old Hank, the Trapper," "Red Chief's captive, and I'm to be scalped at daybreak." "And I heard you'll be broiled at the stake." "By Geronimo!" "That kid can kick hard!" "Red Chief!" "Welcome to wigwam." "I like this fine." "I never camped out before." "We had five puppies." "– Why you have such a red nose,Hank?" "– Because... – Hist!" "Hist, buddy!" "I think there are spies there..." "Never mind!" "He's just a kid." "– Good boy." "We was lucky." "– To be sure!" "– What about spies?" "– Everything is all right!" "Why are oranges round?" "Why nothing in holes?" "I don't like girls." "My father has lots of money." "Are the trees moving make the wind blow?" "Red Chief, would you like to go home?" "Aw, what for?" "I don't have any fun at home." "I hate to go to school." "I like to camp out." "You won't take me back home again, Snake-eye, will you?" "Not right away." "We'll stay here in the cave a while." "All right!" "That'll be fine." "– What happened?" "– Psst!" "Psst, buddy." "– If you will not sleep now, tomorrow I... – What tomorrow?" "Sleep!" "Now!" "Why are you getting up so soon for, Sam?" "Me?" "Oh, I got a kind of a pain in my shoulder." "I thought sitting up would rest it." "You're a liar!" ".." "You're afraid..." "You were to be burned at sunrise, and you were afraid he'd do it." "– Ha!" "You are kidding..." "– And he would, too,.." "if he could find a match." "– Are you sure?" "Do you think anybody will pay out money to get a little imp like that back home?" "– Okay." "– Are you sure?" "Adsolutely!" "A rowdy kid like that is just the kind that parents dote on." "Now, you and the Chief get up and cook breakfast, relax while I'll to scout out." "Oh, I go away..." "Sam, maybe I'll to scout out?" "No, no, no..." "I'll go to reconnoitre." "Don't worry!" "– Okay." "– Relax!" "Well, I go..." "What's the matter?" "Give back a rock!" "I'll get you!" "No man ever yet struck the Red Chief but what he got paid for it." "You'd better beware me!" "What's he up to now?" "You don't think he'll run away, do you, Sam?" "No fear of it." "He don't seem to be much of a home body." "There don't seem to be much excitement around town on account of his disappearance." "His folks may think he's spending the night with one of the neighbours." "Anyhow, he'll be missed today." "If you don't behave, I'll take you straight home!" "Now, are you going to be good, or not?" "Are you going to be good after all?" "I was only having fun," "I didn't mean to hurt Old Hank." "But what did he hit me for?" "Okay, I'll behave, Snake-eye, if you won't send me home, and if you'll let me play the Black Scout today." "What?" "– The Black Scout game." "Listen to me carefully." "I don't know the game." "That's for you and Mr. Bill to decide." "Now, you come in and make friends with him and say you are sorry for hurting him." "Well, let's go!" "Or home you go, at once." "He's nice guy, very kind but you had hurt him when you hit him with a rock." "I'm sorry, Old Hank." "I didn't mean to hurt you." "You didn't..." "I know..." "Well, shake each other's hands." "– Well, you can take a walk and be a good boy." "– I will stay and protect the cave." "Of course!" "You may do it, our invaluable friend." "Well, time to take action." "And now we'll write the letter to old Dorset." "Ebenezer Dorset, Esq.:" "Please, Sam make the ransom fifteen hundred dollars instead of two thousand." "It ain't human for anybody to give up two thousand dollars for that forty-pound chunk of freckled wildcat." "Let be fifteen hundred dollars." "You can charge the difference up to me." "Please, Sam!" "Okay..." "Have it your way." "Thank you." "You're always were a true friend." "Listen to me carefully!" ""Ebenezer Dorset, Esq." "We have your boy concealed in a place far from this city." "Absolutely, the only terms on which you can have him restored to you are these:" "Listen and be attentive!" "We demand two thousand dollars for his return." "Fifteen hundred dollars, Sam!" "Oh, sorry." "You're right!" "Fifteen hundred dollars..." "If you agree to these terms, send your answer in writing by a solitary messenger to-night at half-past eight o'clock, where you'll put later on two thousand dollars." "– Fifteen hundred dollars, Sam!" "Oh, sorry again, Bill!" "Fifteen hundred dollars..." "More precisely, after crossing Owl Creek, on the road to Poplar Cove..." "I never lost my nerve yet till we kidnapped that two-legged skyrocket of a kid." "He's got me going. – Don't worry." "Everything will go well." "You won't leave me here alone with him, will you, Sam?" "I'll be back some time this afternoon." "You must keep the boy amused and quiet till I return." "Okay." "I'm ready." "Aw, Snake-eye, you said I could play the Black Scout while you were gone." "Play it, of course, Mr. Bill will play with you." "What kind of a game is it?" "– Yes, what kind of a game is it?" "– I'm the Black Scout and I have to ride to the stockade to warn the settlers that the Indians are coming." "I'm tired of playing Indian myself." "I want to be the Black Scout." "All right." "It sounds harmless to me." "I guess Mr. Bill will help you foil the pesky savages." "What am I to do?" "You are the hoss." "Get down on all fours!" "– Oh, time to go..." "How can I ride to the stockade without a hoss?" "Of course..." "You'd better keep him interested till we get the scheme going." "Loosen up." "How far is it to the stockade, kid?" "Ninety miles." "And you have to hump yourself to get there on time." "Gee, now!" "Hurry back, Sam, as soon as you can." "I wish we hadn't made the ransom more than a thousand." "Gee up!" "Say, you quit kicking me or I'll get up and warm you good." "Forward!" "Our city is very peaceful." "We have no any accidents here in fact." "Yes, nice small town." "But whole city was shocked to-day." "What happened?" "One of the very respectable citizens Mr. Ebenezer Dorset..." "What?" "Ebenezer Dorset..." "– Uh!" "And what about him?" "– ...either lost or it was stolen..." "– Wallet?" "No!" "His only son." "Really?" "Is it possible?" "Oh my God!" "But what our President is doing?" "Bill!" "Bill!" "Bill!" "Sam, I suppose you'll think I'm a renegade but I couldn't help it." "Where is the boy?" "Where is he?" "The boy is gone." "I have sent him home." "What?" "You sent him home?" "!" "It is all off." "Believe me, Sam, nobody ever was subjugated to such supernatural tortures as I have been." "I tried to be faithful to our articles of depredation;" "but there came a limit." "What's the trouble, Bill?" "Well, I rode the ninety miles to the stockade, not barring an inch." "Then, when the settlers were rescued, I was given oats." "Sand ain't a palatable substitute." "I tell you, a human can only stand so much!" "I take him by the neck and drag him down the mountain." "On the way he kicks my legs;" "and I've got two or three bites on my thumb and hand cauterized." "But he's gone." "Gone home." "– Gone..." "I'm sorry we lose the ransom," "But it was either that or Bill Driscoll to the madhouse." "– That's all." "– All?" "Life is beautiful!" "Bill, there isn't any heart disease in your family, is there?" "– What?" "– I say, there isn't any heart disease in your family?" "No, nothing chronic except malaria and accidents." "– It's nothing!" "– Nothing." "– But why?" "– It's doesn't matter." "– So, nothing chronic?" "– No." "Two Desperate Men!" "Gentlemen:" "I received your letter today by post in regard to the ransom you ask for the return of my son." "I hereby make you a counter-proposition, which I am inclined to believe you will accept." "Interestingly..." "You bring Johnny home and pay me two hundred and fifty dollars in cash, and I..." "You bring Johnny home and pay me..." "To pay him?" ".." "Pay me two hundred and fifty dollars in cash, and I agree to take him off your hands." "You had better come at night, for the neighbours believe he is lost, and I couldn't be responsible for what they would do to anybody they saw bringing him back." "Very respectfully, Ebenezer Dorset." "Barefaced impudence!" "Bill, we'll do the next..." "Bill!" ".." "Bill!" ".." "Sam, what's two hundred and fifty dollars, after all?" "We've got the money." "One more night of this kid will send me to a bed in Bedlam!" "Besides being a thorough gentleman," "I think Mr. Dorset is a spendthrift for making us such a liberal offer." "Sam!" "Sam!" "You ain't going to let the chance go, are you?" "Tell you the truth, Bill, this little lamb has somewhat got on my nerves too." "Sam, we'll take him home, pay the ransom and make our get-away." "Johnny..." "Wait!" "Wait, Johnny!" "You know, your father had bought you a silver-mounted rifle." "– Really?" "– Really." "Also, your father had bought a pair of moccasins." "– Really?" "– Really." "And we are going to hunt bears the next day!" "– Will Old Hank come too?" "– You bet!" "Well, now we'll go to your father, then pass the night and we'll go to hunt in the morning!" "Bill, hold on!" "Don't give up!" "How long can you hold him?" "I'm not as strong as I used to be, but I think I can promise you ten minutes." "Enough in ten minutes we'll be legging it trippingly for the Canadian border." "Subtitles by Boris Bulgakov" "Special thanks Julius Eck (USA) Alexander Nemo (Canada)" "The End"