"Hey there eastcoast." "You're hanging on my every word at W-DICK." "Yeah that's right, you're listening to the dick." "90 minutes of true emotion coming at you one hit at a time." "Oh, I got something for everybody." "Heavy duty for the boys and soft and cuddly for the girls." "Whatever you need, whenever you need it." "Let the dick be your soundtrack." "I'm your humble servant Joe Spanner." "W-DICK makes you wanna stay..." "TUNED." "And now in the ass." "Hi!" "Hi." "I'm Paul McCartney?" "I'm a little early." " We're waiting for John Lennon." "Yeah, I know..." "So what do we do now?" "Let him in already." "I don't want no dirt in my house." "Kinda early, don't cha think?" " Yeah." "Didn't want to miss anything." "Hi." "I'm George Harrison." "Paul McCartney." "Never mind Ringo over there." "He's not too into strangers for obvious reasons." "Want one?" " Thanks." "I quit." "It ain't gonna be the nicotin that kills you at this point now, is it?" "Thanks." "I quit." "Hi." "Is this the girl scouts' meeting?" "I'm John Lennon, Einstein." "Hi." "This is Eric." "Please leave a message after the beep and I get right back to you." "Thank you." "Man..." "Can't you answer your phone when it rings for once in your life." "I could have really needed you now." "Okay ladies." "Thank you very much." "Norman, come on, don't look at me as if I'd just kicked you out." "Man, one week off, maybe that's just what you need." "Yeah right." "Sitting home alone drowning in self-pity." "Alright then, if you really want to be there next week, when we record this Sci" " Fi Series, dude..." ""The Last Quorarian"" "Thanks Eric." "I think I'll stick with self pity." "Or maybe you could try to write a couple of good songs again." "You know damn well, I can't do that right now." "What, you think Paul McCartney was deeply in love, when he wrote "Blackbird"?" "Well yeah, he kind of was." "Hi Paul." "Here's George..." "Harrison." "I just wanted to get back to you because we haven't heard from you in a while and I hate to think you already did it by yourself." "Yeah, in any case I sent you an email with directions and a little map." "Hey... together we can do this." "Alright... take care." "I think I've never been so in love." "I'm just totally into guys who can cook, seriously!" "First he made duck liver paté with black currant gravy." "I didn't even know stuff like that existed." "And then, homemade sauted potatoes with Keta caviar, cr?" "Me fraiche and an exquisite beef Wellington prosciutto." "I so need your help, Nance." "If you gonna open a French restaurant, she's the one to talk to." "So she already told you about her romantic evening?" "You should get someone like Peter, too, Jenny." "What a sharp shooter?" "I already have someone." "Oh yeah, right." "Totally forgot about that, you do have someone..." "Look, You don't even know him." "He can be totally sweet." "Alright." "Which one is it?" "Tell me, he's taking you out tonight." "Alpine Village." "If that's not romantic," "I don't know what is, Little Miss Perfect Relationship." "I'm gonna kill myself, Nicole." "Alright then, do it already." "Alright." "And that's exactly why women don't stick with you for long." "You never finish, what you've start." "Oh my god!" "Jenny!" "You look amazing, sweetie." "Doesn't she, Bill?" "I would've taken the other one." "You can borrow it, if you want." "Damn, you look hot!" "The..." "Man..." "Is this Foxx C. Bigelow?" "You mean "Captain Kawar" over there?" "Commander Quaorar, okay?" "Can you say a word from us to him, please?" "I love you, baby." "What are we celebrating?" ""Alpine Village"?" "Don't tell me, you forgot?" "Listen, sweetie." "Of course we can go grab dinner." "But the guys at the record label are throwing this party just for the Foxx." "Ehm, Captain Kawar!" "?" " They all dig Foxx C. Bigelow." "Wan Kada Passanati Venturu!" "Halata Patumbo, Fuckface." "Excuse me for a sec..." "I'll make it up to you." "I promise." "Hey, great guys!" "I got autographs." "Here we go." "Another one for the Foxx, and some water for the mama-sita." "And today please, Fuckface." "Here's your water." "Compliments as always from the generous dude in the Quaorarian Cap." "Great guy." "Excuse me?" "Are you okay?" "Are you okay?" "Can you help me?" "Yeah..." "Of course I'll help you." "So is this the final goodbye to a cruel and unfair world." "For only in death may we find hope, redemption and salvation." "Fuck you all!" "With a smile on our faces and the confidence in our heart leaving behind such a heavy burden," "we now retire from this life." "Signed Sean..." "Gary..." "Liza... and Norman." "On the count of three?" " Yes." "One..." "Two..." "And three!" "I haven't even done anything, yet Mr. Summers." "Just relax." "I can't..." "This psycho almost killed me." "Alright..." "That was her plan." "Norman!" "Hi!" "I'm just so happy that nothing happened and you didn't get hurt." "Didn't get hurt?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I did get hurt a little." "Listen, I wanna make it up to you." "How about dinner?" "Dinner?" "Maybe tonight?" " Well, that's just..." "How 'bout the "Happy Waitress" corner of 59th and Amsterdam?" "Sounds great." "I'm looking forward to it." "Yeah..." "Bye." "That was this guy from last night." "What guy?" "The guy I almost ran over with my car." "I'm taking him to dinner tonight." "That's so sweet of you, honey." "But the Foxx was kinda take you out to dinner tonight." "In his new apartment." "Is that him?" "Yeah." "You didn't mention he was a cutie." "Ya think?" "Hi!" "Hi." "You didn't mention he was an airhead." "Come on." "He was unconscious." "Your customer." "Hey." " Thanks." "So." "What can I get you?" "Just a coffee, please." "Just a coffee?" "Do I have to eat something?" "No, no..." "Of course not." "Coffee's good." "Are you waiting for someone?" "Excuse me?" "You waiting for someone?" " Oh, yeah." "I'm waiting for someone." "A Woman?" "A woman?" "No!" "Yes, sort of." "But it's not what you're thinking" "Well she kinda hit me with her car." "Hit you?" "Oh my god." " With her car, right." "Are you alright?" " Yeah." "Just a few scratches, the finger." "So you want her to like apologize or what?" "Actually, I don't really know what I want from her." "What did she look like?" "Bye, bye Captain Kawa." "It's Commander." "So you still live with your parents?" "No!" "No!" "This is my uncle's house." "He spends most of his time on the west coast." "He earns lot then, right?" "He's the producer of a TV-Series." " Oh, cool." ""The Last Quorarian"?" "You're kidding me?" " No." "I'm a huge fan!" " Yeah?" "Seasons one to three are classics!" "It's such a shame that Rover McGillaray had to leave the show." "Hey, you know what, if you're really nice to me maybe I'll take you to the studio sometime." "What really?" "!" "Can you do that?" "That'd be awsome." "You know what?" " What?" "That'd be a perfect reason to wear my Rover McGillaray shirt again." "Thanks for driving me home." " No problem." "Shit!" "Aw, man!" "Jennifer..." " Yeah?" "You can hit me with your car anytime." "Okay." "Maybe he needs a little help." "I think you should just leave him alone." "Gary, would you hold this for a second?" "Gary!" "Gary!" " Shit." "Son of a bitch!" "That's all fucked up." "We should've just let him hang there and then he'd be dead by now." "No." "Then he'd still be hanging there, like a fucking pig." "You do know that he's gonna puke up that cocktail right away, anyway, right?" "!" "No puking in my house!" "Got a better fucking idea, barbie?" " Yeah." "Ever heard of the word G-u-n?" "Gun?" "No shooting guns in my house, either." "What?" "No shooting inside the fucking house!" "Fine." "Let's do it outside then." "Wow!" "That's really gonna get us there." "Think so?" "Keep up the good work, Gar." "Are you done?" "You try!" "I don't know..." "Think I should?" "Come on, man." "That was not the fucking deal." "Wow." "That was so easy." "Like a fucking twig or sumthin'." "Serious?" "Seriously, Gar..." "You gotta try this." "For real." "Just like a fuckin' twig, yeah." "You really fucking suck!" "Stop it!" "Shall I save you one, princess?" "I said no shooting in the house!" "Sucks." "You guys are sick!" "I'm outta here!" "Where do you think you're going?" "Listen, you can do whatever you wanna do, but without me, okay?" "You think this is some sorta fuckin' bar, where you can just get up and leave?" "I'm not gonna tell anybody." "I'm not a snitch, okay?" "Not okay." "We started and end this together like one big fucking happy family." "You got that?" "Awesome song, buddy!" "Fuckin' A. Gave me goose bumps, man." " Really?" "It's gonna be a hit, boy." "If you want some proper management, just give me a call, "Dick Burns"" "By next week you can hear ya song on W-D-l-C-K." "So?" "What do you think?" "W" " D-l-C-K!" "Do you know what that means?" "W" " Dick?" " Blow and hoes, that's what it means." "Everybodys carreer started there!" "Guess, ya had a nice evening yesterday?" " You could say that." "How about you go back to the guys in the rehearsal room and play it to them." "And when Jerry and I are done doin' business, we're gonna make this a number one!" "You feel me?" "Sounds great, man." "I thought it'd be much bigger." "I know, everybody says that." "So, whadda you do here?" "A little it of everything, I guess." "You know, I actually had a part in it one time." "No Way!" "?" "You wanna see it?" "Commander, I think we have a problem." "Bang!" "The treacherous Helion troops have broken through our defenses!" "They have Ion-guns!" "Jennifer?" "Jennifer?" "It's so much smaller in real life, don't you think?" "All those doors..." "I really thought they'd slide open automatically." "It's so exiting to see how it all works behind the scenes, you know, all that stuff you usually don't see." "Hey, but if the set is so small in real life, then Rover McGillaray must've been pretty short, right?" "Because otherwise he'd be like way too tall for the space ship." "If I get you an autograph, would you just please shut up?" "Hey Baby!" "What you doin' here?" "Is that the guy you hit with your car?" "Foxx C. Bigelow." "You know the show." "Listen, Norman..." "No." "That's not funny, Fuckface!" "The Foxx is the new commander now." "Did you see that shirt?" "Rover McGillaray is a fag!" "Hi George." "It's me." "Paul?" "You know what I mean." "I'm sorry I never called back, and thanks again for the map." "I guess I could really use it now." "So, what about you guys?" "Still interested?" "Okay, if you wanna meet up, let me know." "I'm in." "You know who Norman reminds me of?" "No." "Aunt Kate." "Who's Aunt Kate?" "You know, mom's cousin." "The fat one with the red hair and the moustache." "We alway used to go over there and eat cheesecake." "She used to make shitloads of that stuff." "Oh, yeah." "Always gave me a Stomach ache, didn't it?" "No, I don't see it." "Heather..." "Could you pleas stop that for a moment?" "That was probably Liza." "I guess she's finished, hm?" "Fuck." "Ready, Norman?" "No, please." "Good, cause I'm ready." "You know what we're gonna do when we're finished here?" "We're gonna go and visit aunt kate and we're gonna eat sommathat yummy cheesecake." "Yeah!" "Sounds great." "Unbefuckinglievable." "Soft as butter." " No way." "Gross!" "Don't worry, Norman." "You stay right where you are, hm?" "Fuck, man." "Gross!" "Do you really think they gonna let you go?" "You're up next, once they're done with me." "They're not gonna want any witnesses for all a this." "Untie him, motherfucker!" "Norman, you thirsty?" "Tie her up!" "Son of a bitch." "Are you crazy!" "?" "Heather, please!" "Just put it away, okay?" "You don't even know what's going on there!" "So why did we bring this again?" "Germans are such pussies!" "Please hold." "Cherry Hill Police Department." "Please hold." "I'm gonna call the cops." "You just don't get it, do you?" "So what did you gonna tell them, hm?" "Cherry Hill Police Department." "Please hold." "Hi this is Eric." "Please leave a message right after the beep." "Fuck man, fuck!" "Man, I need your help!" "I'm in Jersey, Cherry Hill." "Woods End Road, something like that..." "Man, I need your help." "Dude, they're gonna lock us up when they find this out." "Ja, better than be biting in the dust." "Maybe these guys are totally insane!" "Open the door!" "Guys, c'mon!" "Please, I need your Help!" "Don't be scared!" "Do something!" "Mann!" "You outta your mind?" "Guys, seriously..." "I'm not gonna hurt you!" "My eyes..." "Let me see ya licence and registration." "Are you the police?" "Whadda you kids doing with this here gun?" "Officer, listen!" "I'm seriously injured." "I'm from Germany, okay!" "?" "These things can be pretty dangerous." "Officer, our friend, she's really in big trouble!" "Shut the fuck up!" "We met those guys in the internet and we thought it would be funny to make a date with 'em." "You are such a douche bag." "And you're the biggest slut in High School." "Officer?" "Excuse me." "Did you produce this?" "Yeah." "He's a friend of mine." "I know him." "You do?" "Yeah." "I mean, I kinda sorta ran him over with my car." "You kidding." "Damn, do I wanna scream cunt right now." "Why?" " 'Cause you screwed him." "That is so not true." "I did not screw him." "True, 'cause you're fuckin' this pathetic Rover McGillaray wannabe, right?" "Word!" "That's my nigger..." "Have you fucking goddamn lost it?" "Look at the goddamn mess you made." "Sorry." " I said No fucking shooting guns in da house." "Guess I forgot." "I'm gonna have to repaint the whole goddamn wall." "I'll help you, buddy." "Jesus, Sean, what got into you?" "Ahhh!" "Shit!" "Baby!" "Look, I didn't even stick it in yet." "I don't think she'd notice much of a difference anyway." "Don't say that." "There's a huge difference!" "Hello and welcome to our entertaining gameshow:" ""Torture or No Torture"." "And here's our cotestant..." "Fluffy." "I will now put on these glasses and try in five attempts... to hit our contestant... with this pick-axe." "If I do not succeed:" "It's no torture." "And if I do:" "You do the math." "Gar, you ready?" "One and two and three and four... and where will he be, where will he be:" "Five!" "No torture." "And now I will do the same... without the glasses!" "You can turn off now." "Gar?" "Push the red button." "Right here." "Commander, I think we have a problem." "Fuck you all!" "That's the rest of her, I guess." "Good work, buddy!" "You shoulda been a Surgeon or somethin'." "Oh and Gar..." "I'm really sorry 'bout your wall and everything." "Okay." "Come here." "Have a great day." "You too." "Did you press the red button?" "Hello and welcome to another exciting episode of "Torture or no torture"." "I'm Sean your host, and these are the contestants." "Seated in the middle of our humble Stage is our first guest:" "Let's have a round of applause for Thorsten from somewhere in Europe." "Thorsten, you managed to drag yourself here despite some rather serious injuries, and we're proud to have you on the show." "And in the second row, on my right, the adorable Heather." "Apparently the biggest slut in her High School." "And last but, Ladies and Gentlemen, let's have a round of applause for our defending champion:" "Norman the unbreakable whatever!" "Thorstens topic for today is the household and home improvements." "He will be given a choice of two objects, one of which will be applied to Heather... and the other to Norman." "The catch is:" "Thorsten doesn't know which object will be applied to which throat, thereby elimating one of our contestants and setting up our heads-off grand finale!" "It's time for "Torture or no torture"." "But first, let's take a commercial break." "Can't you answer your phone when it rings for once in your life?" "I could have really needed you now." "Man, I need your help!" "I'm in Jersey, Cherry Hill." "Woods End Road, something like that... 471, come in." "471, this is John." "What's up, Molly?" "Are you at the lake?" " Yeah." "Someone's hit a dear and the poor thing ran wounded back into the woods." "Listen, someone from New York called and said someone might be in trouble." "Yeah?" "What did he say was the matter?" "He wasn't sure." "It's right around the corner though from where you are." "I'll go check it out, Molly." "Thanks Gar." "We wouldn't want him to cheat now would we?" "Why don't you take off the gag?" "Allright Thorsten, and here are your choices..." "A:" "The carving knife." "And B:" "The power drill." "And the clock is ticking now." "I don't know..." "Would you like to hear them again?" "No!" "It's A!" "It's A!" "A good answer." "It's showtime..." "Nanana, Thorsten." "There's no need to be angry." "It ain't over till the fat lady sings." "Contestant No. 2 still has her wild card." "And the wild card is the nailgun." "You're so sweet." "And I'll be right back with the Chinese cranberry-honey sauce." "Ok, Jenny..." "To you and a life without the Captain." "Commander." "Don't you think this is a little inappropriate?" "Hell no!" "This calls for a celebration." "If contestant No. 2 empties the magazine and terminates the exchange student she'll move on to the next round." "Heather?" "Gar!" "Gar!" "Heather!" "What the fuck is going on?" "And now live at the dick, a true world premier." "This number's gonna be a big hit people." "So just lean on back, take you baby in your arms..." "You are so lucky." "Now you're free for Mr. Right." "Don't you think I'm a little too old for her?" "I think you're even too old for..." " Norman, the Heartbreaker, Summers." "That's Norman." "Can you turn it up, honey!" "And we have a winner!" "Who will now compete against my personal favorite in our grand finale." "Who is...?" " Shh!" "I wrote a song for my great love once, too." "About forty years ago." "With her, I had this sting in the tummy feeling." "Unfortunately, she never realized it." "Well..." "Now I sit here every day... with my eal soup every day." "You want that to happen to you?" "Then go and get him!" "You think?" "Go get him, sweetie!" " Go get him." "Okay." "I guess, that's Pineapple Coreander Carpaccio for two, only." "Is he gonna be here every day, now?" "You're the biggest Star..." " Of Quaorar, of Quaorar..." "Is Norman in?" "Okay, let's have a short break now." "What's up?" "Look..." "I know he's angry with me, but I really have to see him." "It's important." "Can I?" "Yeah, rolling, Gar..." "And now, ladies and gentlemen," "I give you the grand finale." "Good, Gar." "Our contestant Heather seems to be in a bit of a pickle." "Gary, my assistant will now crank the vise in a slow steady motion." "Just a few delicate turns and her ankle will probably be crushed into a thousand pieces, unless... our champion gets over his cold feet and hits the buzzer in time." "And the question remains:" "Torture or no torture!" "And now a short break." "Shit on toast." "That wouldn't change anything, the cops are on their way." "I just wanna go there myself, it's not that far." "You heard the song, right?" " Yeah." "I produced it." " I know..." "It's a lot better than the Foxx C. Bigelow shit, don't you think?" "Hey, I talked to my uncle, and... apparently Rover McGillaray is getting his old job back." "Thanks." "Go get him." "Baby, hold on." "Rover McGillaray is a fag!" "The Foxx is the new commander now." "Stop!" "Stop!" "Help!" "Help!" "Look, Baby, I love you." "That cheep slut meant nothing to The Foxx." "That was just dirty raw sex, you know, I mean..." "It's so much better with you." "Humping I mean." "Holy Shit." "Hi." "Behind you!" "Gar!" "Help me!" "Gar!" "Help me!" "Molly, this is John, 471." "Code eight." "I need back-up at Woods End Road right now and an ambulance." "I gotta couple of dead bodies here and casualties." "Over." "I'll send someone out over." " What the fuck is going on here?" "Oh, and John, what the hell is going on over there?" "Nothing personal, Norman." "Hey hey!" "What the fuck?" "Now get outside." "Come on, little weasel." "Hey!" "Put that fire poker down!" "Gar!" "Take care of Norman!" "Norman..." "Norman..." "Norman..." "Hey, Fuckface." "Shit." "Norman!" "For someone who wanted to die, you're harder to kill than a greased pig in heat." "Now it's personal." "Norman!" "Here's Seani!" "Fuck." "You better stay in the car, Babe." "Let the Foxx handle this." "Okay sweetheart, the Foxx'll cover the yard." "Norman?" "Fuckface!" "Norman!" "What are you doing here?" "Good question." "I just wanne bring you something." "What is it?" "What the fuck is this?" ""For my biggest fan..." "Rover McGillaray"" "Isn't he a fag?" "Contestant No. 4 disqualified." "No!" "Norman..." "Norman!" "It's okay, lady." "You're safe now!" "A little bit like after the accident..." "You're alive!" "Oh that..." "No big deal..." "Just a few scratches." "I knew this day would come." "Halata Patumbo, Fuckface!" "Just like after the third Osirion war..." "You're alive!" "No Problem." "Just a few scratches." "And cut!" "Yes!" "Okay everybody, we did it!" "Hey, come on, Heartbreaker, we gotta go now." "Show must go on." "I love you." " I love you too."