"She's the star of the play, and she's my girlfriend." "I get to have sex with the star of the play!" " People can hear you." " I know!" "She looks great, doesn't she?" "That is one good-looking man." "Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?" "So, you been doing this long?" "No." "You're my first." "Put the money on the table." "That's nice." "Dude!" " Is that an expensive blouse?" " If you want it to be." "Here's your girlfriend's button." "The One with Rachel's Crush" "Do you still have your old dresses from high school?" "I think I have some." "Why?" "Maternity clothes are so expensive." "Rach, I made a pile of your stuff." "If you could just throw your purses at it." "Bloomingdale's eliminated my department." "Are you out of a job?" "They stuck me in Personal Shopping, which is a huge step down." "What is that?" "Where you walk around with rich people and tell them what to buy?" "That sounds great!" "We switched apartments." "You can't eat our food." "That gravy train has ended." "There's gravy?" "In the big apartment, you deal with people coming over." "That fridge has to be stocked." "That's your apartment now." " What are you doing?" " I left a donut up here." "How was Kathy's play?" "Kathy gets half-naked and simulates sex with a real good-looking guy." "It was like somebody wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it." "That's a good idea for a business." "I'm screwed." "They'll be hot and heavy on stage then go to their parties, and he'll try to undermine me." "He'll be like, "Where's your boyfriend Chester?"" "She'll go, "It's Chandler." He'll go, "Whatever!"" "That is a good trick." "All right, look." "What am I going to do?" "They're actors." "They're there to do a job." "It doesn't mean they'll get together." "So it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins." "That doesn't mean it'll happen with them." "Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger." "Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman." "Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood." "They're not a couple." "I get the game now." "When they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?" "So you're fine." "The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off stage then all the sexual tension is gone." "As long as it's hot on stage, you got nothing to worry about." "When the heat goes away, you're in trouble." "You've been to my plays." "Have I ever had chemistry on stage?" "You going to see the play with me tonight?" "I don't know how comfortable I am, going to see how hot the sex is between them." "I know..." "No, I'm there." " Want some pancakes?" " You made pancakes?" "Grab a plate." "Stay right there." "Getting closer." "Don't worry we also have cereals, muffins, waffles and jams, jellies and marmalades, which I'm sure are the same thing." "We're watching the game here Saturday, if people want to come over." "I wanted to have people over." "Yeah?" "Who's playing?" "The players." "Somebody seems to be missing being the hostess." "It's a relief, is what it is, is what it is." "Pheebs, your plate." "I'm quitting." "I just helped an old woman put on a thong, and she didn't even buy it." "I'm quitting." "I'm talking to my boss right now." "Yes, I am." "Yes, I am." "Call me when you get this message." "Mr. Waltham?" "I need to talk to you." "A moment." "I'm in the middle of a task." "And you have a customer." "I'm Joshua." "Rachel Greene." "What can I do for you?" "I need a new wardrobe." "My wife..." "Well, my ex-wife..." "I'm so sorry." "Anyway, she burned all my clothes." "I got away with this suit and what turned out to be a skirt." "Well, at least that's a great suit." "It was no fun at the dry cleaners in the skirt." "I need everything down to underwear." "If you're willing, I'm all yours." "You needed to speak to me?" "No, no, that wasn't me." "Let's get started." "Let me show you my underwear." "Our selection of underwear." "I'm sorry." " It's this way." " This way?" "Sorry." "Right?" "There was no chemistry between them." "Before, they had heat." "Now there's none." "You know what this means." "Joey told us." "Let's not jump to any conclusions." "There was some sexual chemistry." "It was like cousins having sex." "Here she comes." "Don't say a word." "Just be cool." "Don't be you." "Hey, you guys!" "Thank you so much for coming again." " Did you like it?" " Absolutely." "Wasn't Nick funny when he couldn't get his match lit?" "It's a good play, isn't it?" "I loved the play." "You were great." "And Nick, ditto." "Clearly, you're having sex with him." "Clearly, I'm having sex with him?" "It was obvious." "There was no chemistry between you." "You're accusing me of cheating, and you're insulting my performance?" "I can see how this could happen." "You're up there every night, kissing." "Acting." "Chandler, this is my job." "I'm playing a part." "How can you not trust me?" "You can understand, given how we started." "I can't believe you'd throw that in my face." "I don't even see you denying this." "I'll tell you what." "Call me when you grow up." "Don't expect that to happen any time soon!" "I have the best job in the entire world!" "The most adorable guy came over, and I got to dress him up all day!" "Rachel has a new doll!" "I wish he was." "I'd get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissing noises." "He's got the most beautiful name." "I never realized!" "Joshua." "What do I smell?" "I don't know." "It smells good." "Fresh cookies!" "Hot from the oven." "Please have some." "I've been fiddling around, making delicious treats." "The new "Playboy"." "Just something I picked up." "Cookies and porn?" "You're the best mom ever!" "What?" "Something Joshua said about V-necks, but you had to be there." "How does Jason look in a V-neck?" " It's Joshua." " Whatever." "Wait." "Wait." "This isn't take-out!" " Hate to eat and run." " Please don't go!" "I've got porn for you too." "I don't need it." "People are supposed to hang out here." "Why?" "What's the big deal?" "I'm the hostess." "Not those guys." "I'm always the hostess." "When I was little, the girls brought their dollies to my tea party." "I served the best air." "Why make a big thing out of everyone hanging out in the big apartment?" "They took our apartment." "I wanted to punish them." "I'm done now." "They've suffered enough." "You should have just made them hang out here." "That's true." "This place will be 10 times better than that place." "Are we going to trash their place?" "Steps!" "You'll all be very happy to hear that Kathy's sleeping with that guy!" " What?" " You were right?" "I confronted her, and she didn't deny it." "I don't live here!" "Wait, are you sure?" "I may be drunk, but I know what she said." "Then I went over to Beefsteak Chewley's..." " Beefsteak Charlie's?" " Yes!" "You and I have always been..." " Do you need help?" " I got it." "I just feel bad." "I never vacuum." "I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out." " It's so frustrating." " Ask him out." "Totally." "That's such a turn-on." "Really?" "It doesn't seem desperate?" "That's the turn-on." "He just got a divorce." "He's probably nervous around women." "Just make the first move." " I've never asked a guy out." " You've never asked a guy out?" "No, have you?" "Thousands of times!" "That doesn't make me sound too good, does it?" "I don't even know how I would go about it." "What I do is, I look a woman up and down and I say "Hey." "How you doing?"" "Oh, please!" "How you doing?" "I'm going to do that." "I'm going to call and ask him out." "I can do that." "Ask him out." ""How you doing?"" "It's Rachel Greene, from Bloomingdale's." "I was just wondering if you left your wallet at the store today?" "We found a wallet, and we..." "The license?" "Oh, that is a good idea." "Well, let's see." "This license belongs to belongs to a Mr. Pheebs." "Sorry to bother you at home." "I'll see you tomorrow." "Bye." " You've done that 1,000 times?" " I've never done that." "I just got so nervous that he'd say no." "You got to give him something he can't say no to." "Invite him to a Knicks game." "You're guaranteed he'll say yes." " Really?" " Absolutely, and if not, can I go?" "What the heck is that?" "Did she call?" "No." "Sorry." "Maybe I should call her." "Forget her, man." "You don't need her." "He's right." "What she did was unforgivable." "Well, yeah, but you know, what if I was wrong?" "How might you be wrong?" "What if she didn't actually sleep with the guy?" "Tell me she told you this." "She didn't have to." "I saw the play." "There was no heat." " Back me up." " That's your basis?" "That's not backing me up!" "Look, you said, with the offstage and the heat..." "That was just a theory." "A lot of theories didn't pan out." "Lone gunman, communism, geometry." "Oh, my God!" ""Would you like to go to a basketball game with..."" ""It's funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets..."" ""Who likes the Knicks?"" "What do you think?" "Well, as a single woman, who is available I think you look great." "Oh, yeah, you look great." "This looks great." "So you like it?" "I do." "I love it." "In fact, I think I'll wear it home." " Great." " Thank you so much for all your help." "Well, I guess this is it." "Thanks." "I'll see you in the spring for the bathing suits." "You don't want to do that now?" "That's okay." "I'll see you around sometime." "Basketball!" "Sorry?" "I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight just as a thank-you for this week." "That would be great!" " Really?" " That would be fantastic!" "My nephew is crazy about the Knicks!" "This is fantastic." "Thank you so much, Rachel." "Good morning." "I just wanted to come over to say that I'm sorry." "I acted like the biggest idiot in the world." "I can completely understand why you were so upset." "I wish you'd called me." "Yeah, I know." "I wish I had too." "I think this is a good thing." "We've had our first fight, and now we can move on." "I know for me, but..." "Nick's pants?" "I think our second fight is going to be a big one!" " For next time, what do you say?" " "I have an extra ticket."" ""An extra ticket." Not "two tickets"." "The first time you asked a guy out he turned you down?" "He didn't turn me down." "He's at the game." "I got the date." "I'm just not on it." "Okay, it's ready." "Come on." "What's ready?" "Just come." "Oh, my God!" "This is beautiful!" "Did you work for two days straight?" "Pretty much." "What do you think of the floor?" "I don't know." "Looks the same." "You used to have carpet." "I made snacks." "Please, just hang out." "I'm going to rest my eyes for just a bit." "Do you want us to come back later?" "No, no, no." "Stay." "Just keep talking." "I'm always the hostess." "How'd it go?" " She wasn't sleeping with him." " Good!" "She is now." " What are you saying?" " I'm saying that she is a devil woman." "You know a person, then they turn around and sleep with Nick." "Nick and his rock-hard pecs and his giant man-nipples." "I hate him." "And I hate her." "I don't hate her." "I love her." "This is all my fault." "How?" "How is it your fault?" "I should have called." "If I'd called her, she never would have gone out with Nick." "They wouldn't have ended up in bed." "I threw her at his man-nipples!" "This is not your fault." "Your fight does not justify her sleeping with someone." "Well, if she thought they were on a break..." "One of your customers left his billfold." "A Joshua Burgen." " Will you call him?" " Yes, I will." "Absolutely." "Hello, Rachel." "Hi, Joshua." " I left my wallet here on purpose." " Really?" "I just wanted to see you again." "Oh, I'm glad." "Rachel, I'd like to say something to you." "How you doing?"