"FEAR AND TREMBLING" "I was born in Japan." "I spent my first 5 years there." "Leaving Japan was for me a real uprooting, a real exile." "So much, that when I was almost adult, I came back to live in Japan, hence to work there." "I felt I could accept anything to resettle in the country that for many years I felt was mine." "This is how I tried to become a real Japanese." "Tokyo, January 8, 1990" "Mr Haneda was Mr Omochi's boss, who was Mr Saito's boss," "who was Miss Mori's boss, who was my boss." "I was nobody's boss." "So in the Yumimoto Corporation," "I'd be at everyone's "beck and call"." "But I was proud of myself:" "I'd landed a 1-year contract as interpreter in a big Japanese firm!" "The first morning, I jumped out the window." "Miss Amelie!" "Why didn't you tell Reception you'd arrived?" "I'm Saito, head of accounting." "Follow me." "I'll introduce you to Mr Omochi, my boss." "Please behave properly." "Excuse us." "That's Mr Haneda's office, the president of Yumimoto." "You should never try to meet him." "This is your work station." "That's the desk of your boss, Miss Mori." "She's in a meeting." "She'll join you early this afternoon." "Gentlemen!" "This is our new employee:" "Miss Amelie." "Do you enjoy challenges?" "Do you enjoy challenges?" "Yes." "Good." "Here's one for you:" "Mr Johnson has asked me to play golf on Sunday." "Write a letter in English to say I accept." "Who is this Mr Johnson?" "The exercise seemed easy." "I wrote a polite letter:" ""Mr Saito is delighted to play golf next Sunday with Mr Johnson," ""and sends you his regards."" "Start over." "Had I been too friendly or familiar with Mr Johnson?" "I composed a cold and distant note:" ""Mr Saito acknowledges" ""Mr Johnson's request and will play golf with him on Sunday."" "Start over." "I wanted to ask what mistake I made, but my boss didn't tolerate questions." "Start over!" "I had to decide how to address the mysterious Mr Johnson." "Start over." "I spent the next hours composing missives to this golfer." "In the end, I must have tried every silly permutation of the words in that sentence." "Miss Mori is back." "You'll work with her this afternoon." "Meanwhile, get me a coffee." "A weak one." "Miss Mori?" "I'm Fubuki Mori." "Please call me Fubuki." "I was transfixed by the splendour of her face." "All beauty is moving, but Japanese beauty is even more moving." "Lily-white complexion, soft eyes... a nose with inimitable nostrils... lips so perfectly drawn..." "The complex sweetness of her features, and her manners, made her a work of art that defied understanding." "Except for her amazing height," "Fubuki was Japanese beauty to perfection." "Her face was like a carnation, symbol of noble beauty in ancient Japan." "Perched on her towering silhouette, it was destined to rule the world." "Yumimoto was one of the world's largest corporations." "Mr Haneda ran the Import-Export department, whose catalogue was truly titanic:" "Finnish-Swiss cheese, Singapore sodium," "Canadian optic fibers, French tyres, Togolese jute, they didn't miss a trick." "At Yumimoto, money defied human comprehension." "Beyond a certain accumulation of zeros, the sums ceased being numbers, and became abstract art." "Good morning." "All these documents were prodigiously dull." "I used none of the qualities I'd been hired for." "Or knew what my role in the company would be." "But I wanted to work in a Japanese firm:" "I was in one!" "Above all," "I was delighted with my co-worker." "To look busy," "I learned by heart all of the company's employees, and their marital status," "including wives and children." "The days went by:" "Mr Saito asked nothing of me, except to bring him cups of coffee." "In a Japanese company, one's first job is the okachumi:" ""The honorable function of making tea."" "I applied myself to this role:" "It was the only one I had." "For Mr Unaji, coffee with milk, 2 sugars, at 10 AM." "For Mr Mizuno, 1 goblet of Coke per hour." "For Mr Okada, at 5PM, English tea with a hint of milk." "For Fubuki, green tea at 9 AM, black coffee at noon, more green tea at 3PM, a last black coffee at 7 PM." "Mr Omochi is receiving executives from a sister company:" "Coffee for 13 people." "Hurry!" "This humble task was the start of my downfall." "Thank you for coming." "Think of this meeting as the first of a series that will be held each month." "Thank you for inviting us into the heart of Yumimoto." "Please." "Here is coffee." "Next time you will visit our company." "Excuse me." "Do you take sugar or milk?" "Here's a detailed report on our results for the last 2 years." "If you please..." "Please, here's your coffee." "Saito!" "Who is this girl?" "What are you up to?" "Why does she speak Japanese?" " Stop it at once!" " I'm sorry, sir." "Miss Amelie!" "Follow me!" "The delegation of the sister company went away angry!" "When you served coffee, you spoke perfect Japanese!" "But..." "Sir..." "I do speak Japanese." "Be quiet!" "How dare you defend yourself?" "Mr Omochi is furious." "The negotiation was called off." "Those are very important customers for our company." "How could they discuss secret matters if a foreigner understands us?" "Never speak Japanese again!" "What?" "You no longer understand Japanese!" "Got that?" "But my knowledge of Japanese is why Yumimoto hired me!" "I don't care!" "I, your boss, am giving you an order!" "You don't understand Japanese anymore!" "That's impossible." "No one can obey an order like that." "There's always a way to obey!" "Western brains must learn that!" "Maybe a Japanese brain can force itself to forget a language." "A Western brain can't do it." "Of course." "I understand." "But give it a try." "At least, pretend!" "You've been given orders." "Is that clear?" "Logically, I should have quit." "But I'd worked hard to get this contract." "I'd studied local business terms, taken many tests." "In Japan, to resign so soon meant losing face." "So how could I obey Mr Saito's order?" "If language is a forest, could I hide Japanese trees behind French trees?" "Mori," "Fubuki's family name, meant "forest"." "What did the boss tell you?" "He ordered me to forget Japanese." "Did you talk as you served coffee?" "I hate Mr Saito." "He's mean, and a fool." "No, you're wrong." "Of course." "You're kind, you don't see evil." "Only a fool gives such an order!" "Calm down." "The instruction didn't come from him." "He only transmitted Mr Omochi's orders." "He had no choice." "Then Mr Omochi is a fool." "Mr Omochi is rather special." "But he's the vice-president." "We can't do a thing!" "What if I spoke to the president, Mr Haneda?" "What kind of a man is he?" "Mr Haneda is remarkable." "Very intelligent and very kind." "But you have no right to speak to him." "You may only address your immediate superior:" "Me." "Thank you, Fubuki." "I realize you can't do much for me." "But I thank you deeply." "Your kindness does me a lot of good." "What's the ideogram for Fubuki?" "Snow storm!" "Fubuki means "snowstorm"?" "What a beautiful first name!" "I was born during a snowstorm." "Of course on a day when the beauty of the sky met the beauty of the earth." "In the majestic city of Nara, with all its bells." "How do you know it was in Nara?" "I studied the list of company employees." "I, too, was born in Kansai." "In Shukugawa, near Mount Kabuto." "I'm glad we're both children of Kansai province." "That's where the heart of old Japan still beats." "It's also where my heart beats." "I spent a delightful childhood there." "It's where I lived until I was 5 years old." "I, too, left my heart there." "Back to work!" "I felt great inner peace." "I was a co-worker of Fubuki Mori:" ""Snowstorm Forest"!" "I started serving without any courtesy formulas." "The staff wondered how the nice white geisha became a coarse Yankee." "But serving tea wasn't enough work." "But serving tea wasn't enough work." "Without asking anyone," "I decided to distribute the mail." "My trolley enhanced me..." "Mail!" "As did knowing the employee list!" "Here's your mail, Mr Shiranai." "Your little Yoshiro is 3 today!" "Happy birthday!" "This task also enabled me, several times a day, to play "throwing myself into the view."" "Miss Amelie!" "Come here!" "You took on a function without asking a superior." "That's a serious offense." "The company mailman, who starts in the afternoon is close to a nervous breakdown." "He thought he'd been fired." "Please forgive me." "Stealing someone's work is a very bad deed!" "You're entirely right." "May I go apologize?" "Go back to work!" "What work?" "I had nothing to do!" "Sir?" "The calendars here are rarely up to date." "May I update them?" "Sure." "At last I had a real job!" "Advancer-and-turner of calendars!" "I liked my new job." "It amused my audience!" "Not too tired?" "It must be exhausting!" "Yes, I'm taking vitamins!" "Thank you." "This peaked at the end of February." "I had to turn, or rip off the month's page!" "Banzai!" "You said I could update the calendars." "That's no problem." "But don't make it a spectacle!" "You're distracting the staff." "Photocopy this for me." "They're off-centre." "Start over!" "They're still off-centre." "That's not true!" "Not true?" "It's bad manners to say that to a superior." "I'm sorry." "But I made sure my photocopies were perfect." "They're not!" "Look!" "What's wrong with it?" "There, see?" "The text isn't absolutely parallel." "You think so?" "If I say so, yes!" "Did you use the automatic feed?" "Yes." "That's why." "Don't use it." "It's not accurate enough." "But then it will take me hours." "So what?" "You weren't busy enough!" "I got it:" "I was being punished for the calendar affair." "I finally read what I had to photocopy so carefully." "The rules of Mr Saito's golf club!" "Suddenly I had an appalling vision:" "Japan's forests were being razed to punish a nobody like me!" "I was reminded that Fubuki's family name meant forest." "Good evening." "I'm..." "Mr Tenshi." "You're head of dairy products." " Yes." " You're going to..." "Yes, I'll photocopy them myself." "It's late." "There's no one left in my department." "Please." "Go ahead." "Why don't you use the automatic feed?" "Mr Saito's orders." "I see." "You're Belgian, aren't you?" "Yes." "Good." "I have an interesting project with your country." "Would you agree to do a survey for me?" "Here's what it's about:" "A Belgian cooperative has developed a new process to remove fat from butter." "I think it will work." "I believe in low-fat butter." "So do I, I always have!" "Can you come to my office tomorrow?" "Good morning." "Mr Saito says to start over." "They're off-centre." "He didn't look at them!" "I calibrated them one by one." "Took me hours!" "All for the rules of his golf club!" "He's torturing you." "Don't worry." "It amuses me!" "Fubuki..." "You're so nice." "I'm glad you're here." "I need a full, very detailed, report on this new low-fat butter." "You can use Mr Saitama's office:" "He's on a business trip." "All right, I'll go there." ""Tenshi" means "angel"." "Mr Tenshi's name suited him perfectly." "He gave me a free hand, and had taken the initiative alone." "In Japan, that's rare, he took a big risk!" "I now felt totally devoted to Mr Tenshi, the devotion every Japanese owes his boss." "I'd fight for him to the end, like a samurai!" "Has the Ministry of Health done surveys on new food habits in Japan?" "Yes, we have." "As you'll see, by consuming more butter, obesity and heart disease are gaining ground." "Are you the sole owners of this patent?" "Yes, we are." "It's a totally new technique." "It has great advantages over former methods." "I'll fax you all this at once." "Thanks!" "You've been so helpful!" "Give Belgium a big hug for me." "Sure." "See you soon, I hope." "See you soon!" "I didn't sleep all night." "And I wrote the report of the century!" "Better, but still not perfect." "Start over!" "A great report, and you did it so fast!" "In the meeting, may I say you're its author?" "Better not." "Your initiative would be criticized." "You're right." "But I could suggest to Mr Saito and Mr Omochi that you'd be useful to me." "Would Mr Saito mind?" "On the contrary." "As you can see he'll be glad to be rid of me." "You won't be offended if I attribute your report to myself?" "No, I'd be honoured if you took credit for it." "We parted with high mutual esteem." "I looked forward to the future with confidence." "I thought I knew what a scolding was." "What I got a few days later showed my ignorance." "I instantly read the look on Mr Tenshi's face:" ""We'll endure a terrible ordeal," ""but we'll endure it together."" "You're both traitors!" "Evil snakes!" "Sly and deceitful!" "Suddenly, I understood many aspects of Japanese history." "To make the screaming stop, I'd have invaded Manchuria, persecuted the Chinese, died for the Emperor, crashed my plane on an American warship, even worked for two Yumimoto companies!" "You, Mr Tenshi only schemed to sabotage the company!" "Mr Tenshi isn't like that." "I begged him for the work." "It was my fault." " You dare defend yourself?" " No." "Only I deserve to be punished." "You dare defend this snake?" "He doesn't need it." "It's a mistake to accuse Mr Tenshi." "You dare imply my words are false?" "You're unspeakably rude!" "No, I'm not..." "Please don't hold it against her she doesn't know what she's saying." "She's a Westerner, young, inexperienced." "I made the mistake." "I'm so ashamed." "True, you have no excuse!" "However much wrong I did" "I must emphasize the excellence of Miss Amelie's report, and her speed." "That's not the point!" "This was Mr Saitama's job!" "He was on a business trip." "You had to wait!" "Other firms are competing for this low-fat butter." "We couldn't wait for Mr Saitama to return." "Still criticizing Mr Saitama's work?" "Absolutely not." "But he doesn't speak French or know Belgium." "It was easier for Miss Amelie." "Be quiet!" "Your odious pragmatism is like a Westerner!" "Forgive my Western indignity." "There's gain to be made from our error." "I warn you:" "That was your first and last report!" "Get out of my sight!" "Forgive me for dragging you into all this." "Not at all." "All my life, I'll be grateful for your kindness." "It was brave and generous of you." "But... you shouldn't have said I wrote the report." "I didn't." "Remember our discussion:" "I wanted to discuss it discreetly at the very top." "It was our only chance." "Once Mr Omochi knew, we were headed for disaster." "So Mr Saito told him?" "He's a bastard, a fool!" "Don't be too critical of Mr Saito." "He's better than you think." "And he didn't denounce us." "I saw the note put on Mr Omochi's desk." "I knew at once who wrote it." "Mr Saitama?" "No." "Do I have to tell you?" "You must!" "The note was signed by Miss Mori." "Fubuki?" "That's impossible!" "I can't believe it." "Fubuki is incapable of doing that." "Why?" "Does she hate you?" "No, she didn't do it to spite me." "This whole business harms you more than it does me." "You lose the possibility of promotion for a very long time." "Fubuki is my friend." "Yes." "As long as your tasks were updating calendars and photocopying." "Then why?" "Why denounce me?" "Miss Mori struggled for years to reach her position." "She hated you getting a big promotion after only ten weeks." "I can't believe it." "She's not that mean." "All I can tell you is that she suffered a lot here." "And wants me to share her fate?" "Miss Amelie do you know what it means to be unmarried for a Japanese woman of 29?" "For 7 years, Miss Mori's whole life was her work." "By being impeccable, she passed the age for marriage." "Her reaction to you comes from deep inside herself." "I have to speak to her." "You really think so?" "We must talk it out." "Earlier, when you spoke to Mr Omochi when he heaped insults on us did that solve anything?" "Only talk can solve it!" "I'm even surer of this:" "If you speak to her, you'll make things worse." "Let me reassure you:" "I won't involve you." "But I must speak to her, or go mad!" "Fubuki." "Can we talk?" "I thought we were friends." "I don't understand." "What?" "You deny you denounced me?" "Deny what?" "I followed the rules." "Are rules more important than friendship?" "Friendship?" "I'd say "good relations between co-workers"." "I see." "Will our "relations" continue to be "good"?" "If you apologize, I won't bear you a grudge." "You don't lack humour!" "How amazing!" "You act as if you'd been offended, when you were at fault." "Your taste for denouncement is odd in a country with a strong sense of honour." "You think you can give me morality lessons?" "Why did I ask to speak you?" "It was reckless." "It was to reconcile us!" "Fine." "If you apologize." "You're intelligent." "Why pretend you don't understand?" "Don't be pretentious." "You're simple to figure out." "Then you should understand my anger!" "I understand it and disapprove of it." "I had reason to be offended by your attitude." "You solicited a promotion to which you had no right." "Even if it was a chance for me, it didn't harm you." "I've been in this position for one year." "I fought for years to get it." "You thought you'd get a similar rank in a few weeks?" "So that's it." "You want me to suffer, too." "How childish!" "Like you now talking to me this way, aggravating your case!" "Is that proof of maturity?" "I'm your superior." "You have no right to speak to me so rudely!" "I know..." "I have no right." "But I'm disappointed." "I admired you." "I'm not disappointed." "I didn't esteem you." "Next morning, Miss Mori informed me of my new job." "You'll stay in this department." "And do accounting." "You'll stay in this department." "And do accounting." "Me, an accountant?" "Why not a sumo wrestler?" "Accountant is a big word." "You don't have the talent to be one." "These are all the recent invoices." "These ledgers correspond to our 11 departments." "It's a simple task, within your skills." "First classify the invoices by date and department." "Like this one:" "11 million for Finnish cheese." "A coincidence:" "It's "Dairy Products"." "In the DP ledger you copy the date, the company, the amount." "Then file the processed invoices in this cabinet." " Isn't it computerized?" " Yes." "Once a month, by Mr Unaji." "Thanks to your work it won't take him long." "True, it wasn't hard." "Though at first I had trouble picking the right ledger." "What's Reming Ltd?" "Non-ferrous metals." "Department MM." "What's Gunzer GMBH?" "Chemicals." "CP department." "This work was totally boring." "So much the better:" "I could dream as I admired my denouncer's exquisite face!" "The weeks went by." "I became quieter and quieter." "I reached "invoice serenity", a sort of Zen of accounting." "I embraced this mindless but voluptuous activity." "How silly I'd been to get a college degree, when my brain could blossom in repetitive stupidity." "I realized I was devoted to the contemplative orders." "Writing down numbers as I looked at beauty, was bliss!" "Fubuki was right:" "I took a wrong path with Mr Tenshi." "I didn't have a conqueror's mind." "I was a cow grazing in a meadow of invoices, waiting for the train of grace to pass by." "How nice it was to live without pride or brains!" "At the end of the month, Mr Unaji computerized my work." "I was proud to be an able link in the chain!" "This is odd..." "This is very odd!" "Miss Amelie!" "What's this?" "It's an invoice from the GMBH company." "The GMBH company?" "Did you say GMBH?" "Explain to me what the GMBH company is?" "It's a German company." "Why is "GMBH" always preceded by one or several names?" "They're subsidiaries!" "You idiot!" "GMBH is German for Ltd." "Or Inc." "The companies you grouped under GMBH have no connection!" "It's as if you grouped under Ltd all our US, British, Australian partners!" "How much time will we lose catching up your mistakes?" "The Germans are weird." "To say GMBH!" "What nerve!" "You blame your stupidity on the Germans!" "Calm down." "How could I know?" "Your country has a common border with Germany!" "Yet we, so far away, knew it?" "I almost brought up Japan and Germany in WW II." "But I avoided that tricky course." "Don't just stand there!" "Get the invoices you classified under chemicals!" "It took us 3 days to put the ledgers back in order." "On the morning of the 3rd day..." "Now what has she done?" "You didn't recopy the zeros correctly!" "Many times you added or dropped a zero!" "So I did..." "It will take weeks to find all your mistakes!" "There were too many zeros!" "Be quiet!" " Aren't you ashamed?" " I'm sorry." "No, you're not!" "You think I'm a fool?" "You did it to get even with me!" "I swear I didn't!" "Yes, you did!" "Because I denounced you, you ridiculed me publicly!" "I ridiculed myself, not you." "Who gave you the work?" "Me, your boss." "I'm responsible for your acts, you know that." "Like a Westerner you put your personal vanity above the company's interests." "To get even, you sabotaged Yumimoto's accounting!" " It wasn't intentional." " Come on!" "I know you're not very smart but no one can make such mistakes!" " I can!" " Stop!" "You did it on purpose!" "Fubuki, I give you my word of honour." "Honour!" "What do you know about honour?" "Honour also exists in the West." "Really?" "Is it honourable to admit you're a total idiot?" "I don't think I'm that stupid." "I wonder!" "You're a traitor or a half-wit." "There's no 3rd possibility." "There is!" "Some people can't copy rows of numbers." "In Japan there aren't any!" "I defer to Japanese superiority." "If you're mentally disabled, you should have told me." "I never thought I was." "I'd never done work like that." "Still, it's strange." "You don't need brains to recopy a few sums." "If it's not needed, the brain falls asleep!" "Your brain has to be "needed"?" "How eccentric!" "It's only natural." "Then, I'll think of a job where your brain will be "needed"." "A job that needs brains..." "Check these business-trip expenses." " More accounting?" " This is different." "Here your brain will be "needed"." "Mr Shinarai's expenses on a business trip to Germany." "Check all his sums to see if you get the same result." "The sums are in German marks." "Use the exchange rate for the yen." "Don't forget:" "The rate changes every day." "So began the worst nightmare of my life." "I lost all sense of time and entered the eternity of torment." "What's wrong?" "In this job, your brain is needed." "You'll get used to it." "I didn't get used to it." "I never got a result that, far from being identical, was even close to those I had to verify." "It's easy." "Watch me." "I get the same amount in yen as Mr Saitama." "In 3 minutes and 50 seconds," "Fubuki did what I couldn't do in 12 hours." " How many files have you checked?" " None." "Not even one?" "In over a week?" "Don't forget:" "It must be done by the end of the month." "I was in hell." "I'd always admired the quiet beauty of numbers:" "Now they were enemies." "So was the calculator." "My hand was as sluggish as if stuck in mashed potatoes." "Four of my fingers could hardly move, only the index finger reached the keys, but so clumsily that it made no sense if you couldn't see the invisible potatoes." "I looked at each new number like Robinson meeting a native on his desert-island." "Then my heavy hand tried to reproduce it on the keypad." "My head did round-trips between the paper and the screen, to ensure I hadn't lost a comma or a zero on the way." "But all these meticulous verifications didn't stop me from making huge mistakes." "What is it?" "The mashed potato syndrome:" "My right hand is paralyzed." "I hoped this would endear me to her." "But her haughty look said the opposite:" ""Yes, she really is mentally disabled."" "Are there many... people... like you, in your country?" "You're the first Belgian I've met." "No Belgian is like to me." "Glad to hear it." "You think that's funny?" "It's degrading to mistreat the mentally disabled." "I know." "But no one warned me I'd have one working for me." "I still don't see what's amusing you." "It has to do with my disability." "From now on, may I spend the night here?" "Is your brain faster in the dark?" "Let's hope so." "Will one night be enough?" "No, till the end of the month." "I brought some things." "The first night, I worked nonstop." "And without result!" "Well?" "During my second sleepless night, I freaked:" "I'd become the Sisyphus of accounting!" "Like the mythical hero, I never despaired." "But it was amazing:" "I made a thousand mistakes, but each was different." "For each calculation, I got a thousand results." "I was brilliant!" "More and more, again and again," "Fubuki's beauty stunned me." "Why are you staring at me?" "I was thinking that in Japanese" ""hair"" "and "god"" "are the same word." "So is "paper"." "Do your paperwork!" "Forgive me." "It's lack of sleep." "In your first name, there's "snow"." "In the Japanese version of mine, there's "rain"." "You're snow" "I'm rain." "But both are water falling from the sky." "Why do you compare us?" "What did you want to become, when you were a child?" "An archery champion." "Right!" "That's perfect for you!" "As a child" "I wanted to become God." "Later, I settled for being Christ." "Then I resolved, more modestly, to become a martyr." "But that didn't work either." "Then what?" "I became an accountant at Yumimoto." "I can't sink any lower." "You think so?" "Why?" "Why didn't she fire me?" "Finally, it was the last night of the month." "My third sleepless night." "That night, an amazing thing happened:" "My mind crossed over to the other side." "In an instant, I was free of bonds." "My body, so hammered by numbers, had no place left for decimals." "I was free." "I'd never been so free!" "I was God!" "Fubuki... you give the orders but I'm the one who reigns!" "Reigning is glory." "I'm the Christ of computers!" "Yours is so big!" "So magnificent!" "Being crucified means you know it's the end." "I'll turn my last day into a work of art." "Tomorrow morning" "I'll tell my executioners:" ""I failed." ""Kill me!"" "Let Fubuki slice off my head with a saber!" "The garbage was to stop us shaking her." "She made herself untouchable." "That's just like her." "She has no dignity." "She sinks lower and lower and thinks it keeps her out of range." "She's mistaken!" "I was cold..." "Don't act like a bum in our offices!" "Go under a bridge!" "Anywhere else, I'd have been fired." "Not in Japan." ""Sleeping under garbage?" "Big deal!"" "This country knows all about "freaking out"!" "You must be Miss Amelie." "Glad to meet you at last, Mademoiselle." "Incredible!" "The president of this place of torture, humiliation and contempt was this fine person, a superior soul." "What was this mystery?" "Did God reign over Hell?" "Well?" "You're not paid to loiter!" "It explained everything!" "Here, God was the president, the vice-president was the Devil!" "I wanted to do that myself." "Yes, it's within your capabilities." "Fubuki... you're right." "This work is too hard." "Some have no sense of direction" "I'm hopeless with numbers." "I solemnly announce it:" "I give up this task." "You took your time." "The deadline is tonight." "Give me that." "Finally, my bosses understood:" "I was a disaster." ""Don't let her touch anything!"" "But I coped with the situation." "Floating out the window, serving tea and coffee, watching the seasons on my boss's face, not using my calculator, suited my total lack of ambition." "Until the day we heard thunder on the mountain..." "Miss Mori!" "You're a disgrace to this company!" "Suddenly, my ears sealed off the Japanese language!" "I never found out what crime Fubuki had committed." "Then I realized..." "Mr Omochi was raping Miss Mori." "I translated for myself the meaning of his belching:" ""Yes, I weigh 300 pounds and you 100!" ""Our combined weight excites me!" ""I'm fat, I'd have a hard time making you come," ""but I can push you over and crush you," ""and I love it!" ""More so, with these idiots watching!" ""I love wounding your pride," ""when you're defenseless, I love this rape!"" " You think I'm a fool!" " Don't scold me!" "Don't scold me!" "Acting this way to your superior is unworthy of a Yumimoto employee!" "Then, by being kind and silly, I made my biggest blunder." "I'll be right back." "Fubuki..." "I'm so sorry." "I'm here." "On your side." "What are you doing in here?" "Don't be angry." "I wanted to comfort you." "Be quiet!" "Get out!" "I was too late." "Miss Mori has been humiliated but she preserved her honour by not crying in public." "No one had seen her tears." "You committed the worst reprisal against her." "You made her drink the dregs of her shame." "That's so untrue!" "Beware, Miss Amelie!" "And good luck!" "I have a new appointment for you." "Walk in front of me." "Go in!" "This is your new job." "When the roll of toweling is used up, replace it." "Make sure there's never a lack of toilet-paper." "Supplies are stored in here." "It must always be kept locked." "Here's how you use this tool." "Any questions?" "Who am I taking over from?" "No one." "Did the cleaning women resign?" "No." "They only work evenings." "Some days, we run out of toweling or toilet paper..." "Or a toilet bowl may be soiled." "It's embarrassing when we receive staff from another company." "Now you'll save us from these inconveniences." "I forgot:" "You'll also service the men's toilets." "Let me recapitulate:" "As a child, I wanted to become God, then Jesus, then, aware I was too ambitious," "I settled for becoming a martyr." "Later, I swallowed my megalomania, and became an interpreter in a Japanese firm." "They put me in accounting." "Now there was no stopping my downfall:" "I got the job of "doing nothing"." "But "doing nothing", was still too good for me." "That's when I got my final assignment:" "Toilet cleaner." "Still:" "From divinity to the restroom, what a trip!" "Very soon, I felt a strange relief." "Scouring toilet-bowls, you don't fear falling lower." "Miss Amelie!" "It's nice to have a job, huh?" "Anyone in my place would have resigned." "Anyone, except a Japanese." "I'd signed a year's contract, I'd hold out to the end." "I'd behave like a Japanese." "I wouldn't lose face." "Much incomprehensible behavior is due to being awestruck in youth." "As a child, the Japanese universe so impressed me that I still drew on these emotions." "With this incredible assignment, I entered another dimension:" "A universe of pure derision." "Fubuki expected me to resign." "By staying, I had called her bluff!" "My dishonour landed back in her lap." "If you wish to complain it must be to me." "I've complained to no one." "You know what I mean." "Not really, no." "If an important person comes in, should I hide?" "Miss Amelie..." "Once again, kind Mr Tenshi found the noblest solution to show his disapproval of my fate:" "Boycotting the restrooms of the 44th floor!" "I bless Mr Tenshi." "Besides, this boycott was a real vendetta on the company." "By using the toilets of the floor below, the employees wasted company time." "In Japan, that's called sabotage, and is a serious crime." "That's why they use the French word:" "Only a foreigner could be so base." "But Fubuki used the restroom more and more." "She now brushed her teeth twice a day." "She hoped to annoy me:" "But I enjoyed admiring her fiery beauty!" "In this closed space, worthy of the classical theatre, two tragic actresses met for a passionate brawl!" "Soon the 44th floor men's room became too blatantly neglected." "This can't go on!" "Once more, you've disrupted everything!" "Now what have I done?" "The men avoid the bathroom on the 44th floor!" "They waste time going to other floors." "You embarrass them!" "I didn't choose to be there." "No justifications!" "If you behaved with dignity, it wouldn't happen!" "Where does my dignity come in?" "If you look at the men the way you look at me it's easy to explain." "Don't worry" "I never look at them." "So why are the toilets avoided?" "It's natural." "A woman's presence intimidates men." "Then learn the lesson from that!" "What lesson?" "Don't be present!" "I'm relieved of my duties in the men's room?" "Thank you!" "I didn't say that!" "Then I don't understand." "When a man enters, you leave." "You wait till he has left to come back." "But when I'm in the ladies' room" "I can't know if there's someone in the men's room." "Unless..." "What?" "I have an idea!" "Put a camera in the men's room with a monitor in the ladies' room." "A camera in the men's room?" "Think before you speak!" "If the gentlemen don't know..." "Be quiet!" "You're a fool!" "Sure." "Would you give this job to someone smart?" "You're answering back?" "You can't assign me to a lower job." "Careful!" "You don't know what could happen to you." "Tell me." "Beware." "And when a man comes in, leave the toilets!" "I obeyed the new order." "But, spearheaded by Mr Tenshi, the boycott went on." "The men's room had become the locale for an ideological debate." "Those who used it said:" ""I submit totally to authority, let strangers be humiliated!" ""Besides, they don't belong at Yumimoto."" "Those who shunned it said:" ""I respect my superiors, but I criticize" ""some of their decisions." ""I also think Yumimoto would benefit from" ""a few foreigners in responsible positions," ""where they'd be useful."" "Miss Amelie!" "Fubuki hadn't bluffed!" "I'd pay for my sins." "No paper!" "I had adored the film "Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence"." "Seing it at 16, David Bowie's death seemed a fine proof of love." "Did you see "Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence"?" "Yes." "Did you like it?" "The music was good." "A pity the story makes no sense." "You have to see it as a metaphor." "A metaphor for what?" "Relationship with other people." "Like yours and mine for instance." "We're like the camp commandant, Ryuichi Sakamoto and his prisoner, David Bowie." "The difference between East and West." "Behind their conflict, is a genuine desire to get along." "That's not true." "Why?" "You don't look like David Bowie." "Though I didn't look like David Bowie, our situations were similar." "By sentencing me to such a foul job," "Fubuki's feelings toward me weren't wholly normal." "As she had only focused her cruelty on me," "I decided it was a privilege." "It meant she had chosen me." "For 7 months, I worked in the Yumimoto toilets." "I saved myself by jumping out the window." "Parts of my body must still be scattered all over the city." "December finally arrived." "To announce that I wouldn't renew my contract," "I decided to respect the tradition:" "Not to complain and start at the bottom of the ladder." "At the last moment, a demon whispered to me:" ""Say you got a better offer as toilet-cleaner!"" ""No, say you'll only stay if they put" ""a plate in the toilets for tips!"" "You had something to say to me?" "We're reaching the end of my contract and I wanted to tell you with very great regret that I cannot renew it." "Oh?" "Why?" "We were both playacting!" "So I went all the way!" "The Yumimoto Corporation gave me many wonderful opportunities to prove myself." "I'll be eternally grateful for that." "Sadly, I was not worthy of the honor." "True." "According to you, why weren't you up to it?" "I was right:" "Her feelings for me were perverse!" "I must attack!" "I wasn't mentally equipped for it." "My grotesque submissiveness turned her on." "I think so, too." "Why, according to you, weren't you up to it?" "Western brains can't match Japanese brains." "Partly true." "But don't exaggerate the inferiority of the average Western brain." "Wasn't your incapacity a deficiency of your brain?" "No doubt." "At first, I thought you wanted to sabotage Yumimoto." "Swear you didn't pretend to be stupid!" "I swear it." "Are you aware of your handicap?" "Yes." "The Yumimoto Corporation helped me see it." "So the company was a big help to you?" "Her mouth was drying up:" "I was glad to give her such intense pleasure." "To my dying day" "I'll never forget what I owe Yumimoto." "Dear "Snowstorm", your clouds are so heavy with rage, and I waited so long to see pleasure in your eyes!" "What are your plans now?" "I couldn't say I wanted to write." "I could teach French, maybe." "You, a teacher?" "You think you could teach?" "She was asking for more!" "I also couldn't tell her I had a teacher's diploma." "You're right." "I'm still not truly aware of my limits." "Indeed." "Frankly, what job could you do?" "Nothing doing:" "She wanted total ecstasy..." "In ancient imperial Japan, the Emperor had to be addressed with "fear and trembling"." "That's what I did." "You think a garbage collector would want me?" "Oh, yes!" "I had given her an orgasm!" "I could move up to Mr Saito." "My contract is ending." "I wanted to say with great regret that I cannot renew it." "The Yumimoto Corporation gave me many opportunities to prove myself." "I'll be eternally grateful to it." "Sadly, I haven't been worthy of the honour." "Miss Amelie..." "Yes?" "Well..." "What can I say..." "I'm sorry... things happened this way." "A Japanese who really apologizes, that happens once a century!" "You don't have to be sorry it wasn't your fault, Mr Saito." "You have a prospect?" "Don't worry, I'll find something." "Poor Mr Saito!" "I had to comfort him!" "Now it was Mr Omochi's turn." "I was terrified." "I was wrong." "Miss Amelie!" "My contract is ending" "I wanted to say... with great regret... that I cannot renew it." "Chocolate!" "Martian chocolate?" "Martian chocolate!" "Martian chocolate!" "If the vice-president had a heart attack, I'd be blamed!" "It's melon-flavoured white chocolate." "A specialty from Hokkaido." "Delicious!" "The taste of melon is perfect." "Try some." "No, thanks." "Please try some." "No, thanks." " Eat some!" " No." " Eat it!" " No." "Your contract isn't over!" "Obey!" "Why do you care if I eat it?" "Insolent!" "Obey me!" "Fire me!" "That would suit me." "I'd gone too far." "The heart-attack was coming." "Please excuse me." "Eat it!" "Actually, it wasn't bad." "It's delicious." "So our Martian chocolate is good?" "The Yumimoto Corporation gave me many wonderful opportunities to prove myself." "I'll be eternally grateful to it." "Sadly, I wasn't worthy of the honour." "By humiliating myself this way," "I secretly hoped for polite protests like:" ""Sure you were worthy of the honor!"" "I was naive!" "In Japan, nose-blowing is considered gross." "Was I so low that noses could be emptied in front of me?" "Miss Amelie..." "Now only God was left." "Sit down." "It was with Mr Haneda that I became, for a instant, what I had vainly tried to be:" "A real Japanese." "I'm listening." "My contract is coming to an end and I wanted to say" "with great regret that I cannot renew it." "Of course." "I understand." "The Yumimoto Corporation gave me many wonderful opportunities to prove myself." "I'll be eternally grateful to it." "Sadly, I wasn't worthy of the honour." "That's not true." "Mr Tenshi saw your capabilities." "You were unlucky." "You came here at the wrong moment." "You're right to leave." "But if you ever change your mind come back to Yumimoto." "I'm certainly not the only one who will miss you." " Thank you for your work." " Thank you." "On the evening of January 7," "I didn't say good-bye to Miss Mori Fubuki." "It was silly of me:" "Choosing pride over a last look at that face was poor judgment." "That window was the border between the toilet-bowl and heaven." "As long as there are windows, anyone can have a share of freedom." "One last time, I threw myself into the void," "For the first time, I watched my body fall." "Now I could go home to Belgium." "On January 14th, 1991, I began to write my first novel." "On January 17th, war was declared on Iraq." "On January 18th, miles away," "Fubuki Mori turned 30, and still had no husband." "In 1992, my first novel was published." "In 1993, I received a letter from Tokyo." "It gave me great pleasure." "It included a detail that thoroughly delighted me." "Fubuki had written it in Japanese." ""Amelie..." ""Congratulations." ""Mori Fubuki.""