"Three, two, one." "(BOTH) What does Britain mean to you?" "We asked a number of people the question, "What does Britain mean to you?"" "And here are the answers that they gave us in response to the question." "Roll VT." "What is Britain?" "Britain equals Europe divided by five plus Wales." "It's that." "It's that and it's that." "The man wants to know what Britain means to you." "Yeah, I know." "Yeah, so what does Britain mean to you?" "I wanna watch "Monster Trucks"." "Can't believe you just said that!" "It's not really a good time for us right now." "You see, our daughter's in a coma." "Plus we'vee got Paul Young coming in in five minutes." "I can't believe he just said that!" "Did you hear what he said?" "Britain is top banana!" "I invented it!" " Yeah, well, we're talking to the nice man now." " Yeah, I know." " He wants to know what Britain means to you." " Yeah." "Speak up." "I'm a little hard of hearing these days." "Oh, my so God!" "Oh, so, oh, my God!" "I never done nothin'" "What's that?" "What is Britain?" "I don't know." "Yeah, but I never done it!" "Yeah..." "You haven't not done anything yet." "It was just a question." "I haven't really thought about it." "What do you reckon, Gary?" "Sorry, I'm a bit distracted." "Oh, Britain!" "That's where Ivor used to live!" "It's not a good time right now." "Yes..." "I did, erm..." "I was in the theatre." "Yeah, probably best to come back in a few years." "Ohhh, years, that's..." "Yeah, no." "Britain's a wonderful island full of..." "No!" "Full of wonderful gals and tea dances..." "No!" " Just one?" " Carriages..." "No!" "So, what is Britain?" "OK, well, this is a rough approximation of Britain." "Here's the aquatic sea there." "Britain, as we know, is four-tenths potassium, three parts Scotland and the rest of it, as we know, potato salad, Kartoffelsalat." "No!" "Yes..." "The Irish Sea..." "Who?" "What?" "What was the question?" "Parasols and les ballets imaginaires... and kittens wearing little woollen hats and..." "Oh, I don't know!" "I work in the care industries and, uh..." " We'vee found that over the last few..." " Eh!" "Eh!" "Ehhh!" "I will need those teeth, Anne." "I think Britain is a marvellous royal country." "Let's not forget it's royal." "I love the royals." "I absolutely adore them." "I don't want to hurt them." "I just want to be near them." "I do want to hurt some of them." "Yeah, I know." "I told you." "I cannot do this survey." "I am a gay." "Say hello to Mr Crocodile." "Top of the morning!" "Where's me breakfast?" "Never mind that." "This young lad wants to know about Britain." "But I want me breakfast!" "Ohhh!" "Ohhh-ho-ho-ho!" "Oh, I'vee got his nuts!" "Britain?" "Gone to the *** dogs, innit?" "Eh?" "Everyone's over here now." "Free bus ride, Britain." "Eh?" "What's this for, anyway?" " Well, it's for a DVD." " DV what?" "You give me evils, I'll give you beatings!" "I know people." " They wanna know..." " I'll get Tyrone on to you!" " What..." " Just 'cause you're a teacher!" "He touched me up!" "Once." " I'm not gonna mention it." " Right." "I won't mention I was Molly Sugden's bridesmaid." "It's not relevant." " Shall we go and watch "Monster Trucks"?" " Yeah." "We'll watch "Monster Trucks"." "Well, Britain is a great country 'cause of all the programmes that we do here, like "The Sweeney" and "Minder" and "On The Up"." " What are you doing?" " Oh!" "I thought I was small." "Britain is wonderful, but I do find something very queer." "Wherever you are, there's 350 people all looking at you." "Bye!" "That is the end of our survey." "I hope you found it informative and fun." " Goodbye." " Goodbye."