"Everyone has their path in life, and this is more or less where mine started." "My name is Norbit Albert Rice, and I was an orphan." "I like to think my parents loved me very much, but just didn't have the means to properly care for me." "I can see them researching all of the orphanages in the area, agonizing over their choices, trying to make sure their precious little boy was raised in the perfect environment." "Ling Ling!" "Someone left another one!" "Coyotes, go!" "Get!" "Back!" "Back, coyotes!" "Get out here!" "You not eat another baby." "Oh, crap." "Another black one." "Can't give these away." "You ugly black one, too." "You be here long time." "Nobody ever come and say, "Give me the ugly, black one."" "You very ugly baby." "The ugliest baby I ever seen." "A lot of people think that orphanages are cold and scary, but the Golden Wonton was a great place to grow up." "We had everything normal children had." "Pets..." "Here." "Play with that." "...a big backyard, and lots of kids to play with." "Ling Ling!" "The children got in MSG barrel." "Now all their hair gonna fall out again." "You stupid orphan!" "Nobody want a bald orphan!" "Norbit, how you find family with no hair?" "Nobody want a bald Norbit!" "What the hell wrong with the children here?" "Mr. Wong was a very interesting man." "In addition to his love for children and preparation of fine Asian cuisine, he had a real passion for old-time whaling." "It's a whale, ho!" "Die, you son-of-a!" "Bingo!" "Right in the blow hole!" "Norbit, where you go?" "Why you run off like little bitch?" "After Marvin Browning got lost downtown for a couple of weeks, the orphanage started using a buddy system." "Go, Norbit!" "My buddy was little Kate." "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "That's okay." "You're doing good." "Kate and I were always together." "Playing checkers..." " Oh, man." " Yes!" "...watching scary movies." "Why, we even pooped together." "And then one day, Kate and I decided that we should tie the knot." "We got married under the great big oak tree." "I now pronounce you my wife." "And I pronounce you my husband." "It's watermelon." "Yours is green apple." "I think it's time for us to kiss now." "And we lived happily ever after for about two weeks until she got adopted." "Bye, Norbit." "I didn't do too much bike riding after that." "When Kate left, there was an odd number of kids at the orphanage, so I was buddyless for a while." "And sometimes I'd get a little sad," "but I never lost hope." "I knew that someday I'd find another somebody to share my life with." "All I had to do was just be patient." " What'd you do that for?" " Because we felt like it." " What are you gonna do about it?" " What are you gonna do about it?" "Loser." "Stop it." "Leave him alone." " Says who?" " Says who?" " Who are you?" " Rasputia." "What's your name?" " Norbit." " Norbit?" "That's a stupid name." " Why'd you beat those boys up?" " To protect you." " You got a girlfriend, Nesbit?" " Norbit." "No." "Well, you do now." "Get your ass up and hold my hand." " Okay." " How you doing?" "Everything changed once I had Rasputia as my girlfriend." "We took care of each other, and the other kids started to respect me." "I'll take..." " Norbit." " Come on." "And because of Rasputia, for the first time in my life," "I had a real family." "Rasputia had three brothers." "Big Black Jack." "He was the oldest." "Leg." "Then, there was Blue." "Breasts." "And Earl." "He was the baby." "Wing." "They sure loved their little sister, and so they treated me like one of their own." "Here you go, Norbit." "Saved the best piece for you." " What's that?" " Turkey ass." "Eat up, sucker." "Bon appetitty." "Bon appetitty." "The Latimores had a reputation for being the meanest, nastiest people in town, but that's just because folks didn't know them." "They were actually very nice, hard-working people." "They ran the local construction company, and recently, responding to the needs of the community..." "Yo, Morris." "...had opened a little security business." "It was a surprisingly popular service among the local vendors." "Hey, you don't shake me down." "I'm Italian." "I shake you down." " Is that right?" " Yes." "Get his ass in here." "I'm in." "As time passed, Rasputia and I got closer and closer, in high school and as adults." "I started working as a bookkeeper in her family's business." "I'm expecting some important calls today, Norbit, so when you answer the phone, try and sound white." "so when you answer the phone, try and sound white." "It was like everything was finally coming together." "Yes." "Of course, it was only natural that Rasputia and I would take the next step in our relationship." "I now pronounce you man and wife." "You may kiss the bride." "Open your mouth." "Go, Rasputia!" "It was a storybook wedding, the beginning of a brand-new chapter." "I knew I would never be lonely again." "I had found my place in the world." "Poor Norbit." "Man." "Back when I was in the game, I used to tell my hos," ""Hos, ain't no man gonna pay for the cow if he can get the milk for free."" "You ain't got to worry about this brother buying the milk, 'cause he just bought the whole damn cow." "That's a special cow, too." "That must be where buttermilk come from." "Sing that shit, girl." "Them are not dimples." "Them are potholes in her ass." "Look like an Escalade in a wedding dress." "It a horror show." "Norbit." "What a woman you got." " Hi, fellows." " We're all jealous, right, boys?" " Oh, yeah." "Way jealous." " Wish I had one like that." "Norbit, let me talk to you for a second." "Look, just so we clear." "If you ever hurt my sister in any way, make her cry, even make her sad one time," "I'm coming at you with razor blades and lemon juice." " You hear me?" " Yes." "I'm talking pain, boy." "Searing, mind-numbing pain." "I understand." " You understand me?" " Yes, yes, yes." "All right." " Welcome to the family." " Thank you." "Somebody is take a big hunk out of my cake!" "What y'all looking at?" "I ain't had no cake." "You better mind your damn business." "Hey, hey!" "Everyone!" "I am Mr. Wong." "I am best man in wedding." "I feel it my place to say something, make a toast to bride and groom, tell story about Norbit." "I like Norbit father." "I raise Norbit." "He like my own child." "And I want to say that I very, very confused, Norbit, that you..." "You marry Latimore." "I don't understand it, because when you was a little boy, you say," ""One day I find the girl of my dreams." And then you marry a gorilla." "I joke, I joke, I joke." "Why you not know joke when you hear joke?" "Why you wanna make fight at wedding?" "Cool off, before I have to bust somebody ass in here." "Okay." "When Norbit just little boy, he like to always run all over place naked." "Always naked." "And Norbit, when he was just little boy, had a pee-pee the size of an egg roll." " You know, Norbit." " That's true." "And one day, down by creek, Norbit run around naked and poisonous snake jump up and bite Norbit right on ass." "Very close to hole." "Norbit pass out." "I think Norbit is dead." "I go to check the boy pulse." "He still alive." "He still alive!" ""Okay," I say, "I must do something to save child."" "So, I start to think," ""Do I suck poison out of Norbit's ass or do I let him die?"" "I do the most responsible thing." "I say, "Hell to the no!" ""Norbit is out of here," ""because it is long time in hell" ""before Wong suck poison out of another man's ass."" "But strange, mystical thing happen, Norbit." "Even though poison is in Norbit, he not die." "Norbit get stronger and stronger." "That why I know, Norbit, deep down inside, you very, very strong." "You strong like warrior." "That's why I say to you, Norbit, you can survive anything." "Even..." "So I say to everyone here, and to Norbit," "I wish you much happiness and peace and love, and lots of bananas for your new gorilla." "I only kidding." "To Norbit and Rasputia." "Norbit, you know what would be so romantic?" "If you'd carry me over the threshold like a little chocolate drop." "Be delicate, now." "Put your back into it." "Come on, now." "Be a man." "You ain't no man." "Pathetic." "Rasputia, I know we're both nervous because we've never done this before, but we can take our time, darling." "In sweet time." "Rasputia was so full of love." "Merry Christmas!" "Ho, ho, ho!" "It was a love that sustained us through the years." "Halt!" "187." "Officer down." "And it's still going strong." "Happy Presidents' Day!" "God bless America." "And so, we began our life together, like any other happily married couple." "Morning, Rasputia." ""Morning, Rasputia," my ass." "I tell you what." "You better do something about that goddamn dog, because I ain't gonna be getting terrorized by no dog on my own property." "I'm sick of it!" "I'm gonna go out and purchase me a pellet rifle!" "And then I'm gonna give him something to bark about when I start popping pellets in his little bug-eyed bastard's ass." "Messing around with you, now I'm gonna be late for dance class." "God damn it, Norbit." "How many times I got to tell you, when you drive my car, don't adjust my seat!" " I haven't touched your seat." " Then why is it up so damn far?" "It looks like it's back as far as it goes, Rasputia." "No, you moved it." "I can tell, 'cause look, when I inhale, my titty make the horn honk." "Listen." "You see that?" " That ain't right." " I hear it." "That scientifically prove that you was adjusting my seat." " That's not science." " It is." "Now just let it go." " It's not science." " I said let it go." " I'm just..." " I said it was science, God damn it." "Why you think I want to sell Golden Wonton Restaurant?" "I got a good business." "It practically run itself." "I make a lot of money here." "Every man got a price." "We think this might be yours." "And here is my counteroffer." " Excuse me." " All right, it's go time." "I not like rest of town people." "I not intimidated by Latimore." " You wrong, Wong." "Relax, man." " Be cool with that thing, Mr. Wong." "Ling Ling, get my pistol!" "That dude is crazy." "Let's get the hell out of here!" "I never sell to Latimore!" "Ever!" "Ever!" "All right!" "Y'all ready, class?" "Are y'all ready?" "We gonna perforate!" "We gonna penetrate!" "We gonna percolate!" "We gonna palpitate!" "All because we wanna master the bate, the art of power-tap the fat." "Come on, and power-tap the fat." "Take that, power-tap the fat." "Hey, you get your skinny ass out of my way." "One, two, three, four." "I stepped in poo, better wipe it off." "One, two, three, four." "One, two, three, four." "I stepped in poo, better wipe it off." "One, two, three, four." "Ride the horse." "Ride the horse!" "Keep bucking, y'all!" "Keep bucking!" "And slide!" "Click clackety clack!" "Come on, slide!" "Click clackety clack!" "Just slide!" "Here come the cops." "Here come the cops." "They take me to jail." "They take me to jail." "Riverdance." "Come on, white people." "Riverdance." "Come on, white people." "Riverdance." "Come on." "Now, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump me up." "Pump, pump, pump, pump, pump me down." "And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve." "And stretch it out." "Work your whole bicuspids area, your whole bilaterals and bisexuals." "Very good." "Excuse me, Buster?" "I think I need a little adjustment over here." "Look at you, looking like the Great Pumpkin, girl." "Trick or treat." "What's going on?" "Well, see, I was born with a trick hip and it made me real bendy." "See, I'm just like licorice." "Look." "Goddamn, girl, that look like the harvest moon." " Turn a brother to a werewolf." " You just need to stop." "You know what?" "Do you do any private lessons?" "I could do private lessons if you could do me a little favor." "What's that?" "Just need you talk to your little brothers about funding my little video tape." "I'm trying to make power-tap more international." "I'm trying to be like Billy Blanks, but double the money and half the Blank." "That's a good idea." "Maybe I will, maybe I will." "But, first, I got to get that private lesson." "Okay." "Call me, girl." " I'll call you." " I'll be your private dancer." " Must be Saturday." " Why is that?" "Because here come Norbit, right on schedule." "Almost set your watch to him." "Hey, Pope Sweet Jesus and Lord Have Mercy." "How you guys doing, fellows?" "Business is good." "Business is good." "It's almost like the good old days." "Yes, indeedy." "What do you mean, "the good old days"?" "The good old days, man, back when we was pimping, Norbit." "You know." " You guys used to pimp?" " "Used to"?" "That's a violation." "Still pimping." "Once a pimp, always a pimp." " Always." "Forever." " Boss player." "Rasputia sent me down here to get the usual." "You guys are open, right?" "We always open." "Go on and take yourself in there, Norbit." "We'll stack that up for you." " Moniqua!" " Yes, Daddy." "Can you get King Kong three large buckets, extra sauce?" " Please don't trim the fat." " Yes, Daddy." "Please don't trim that fat." "She will kill me." "Norbit, while I got your attention, can I interest you in some new shoes, maybe a haircut?" "How about a bath or a sink?" "Hey, don't tell me you guys bought the bath store, too?" "It's a perfect fit, man." "We used to sell bitches to johns." "Now we selling johns to bitches." " Beds, bitches, and beyond!" " Sound like money to me." "No, thanks, guys." "I got to go do a puppet show for the kids at the orphanage." "At the orphanage?" "That's a nice thing you do for them little kids over there." "Why don't you take these little tater puffs over there to them little children?" "Oh, that's great, guys." "That's sweet." "Wait, my puppets!" "I forgot my puppets!" "I got to go." "I got to go, guys." " Where's his puppets?" " He ain't got no puppets." "What's Rasputia doing home so early?" "'Sputia?" "Oh, yeah, girl." "Come on, girl, that's sweet chocolate!" "Okay, you in trouble, now." "You in trouble." "You in trouble, now." "I'm Willy Wonka." "Get up on that Oompa Loompa." "That's sweet." "Oh, yeah." "Take all that, girl." "Take it with your big old self, girl." "You ain't never had it like this." "You ain't never had it like this!" "Hell, yeah." "Come on, we gonna do pig in a blanket." "Come on, pig in a blanket." " Now squeal." "Squeal!" "Squeal!" " Oink, oink, oink!" "Take it from the back." "Damn, I feel like Willy Wonka, all this sweet chocolate up in this..." "Hey." "How you doing, man?" "What's good with you, brother?" "How's it going, man?" "How you doing?" "I'm Bust-a-move Perkin." "How you doing?" "Man, your wife was just talking about you." "Man, she love you." " You're Rasputia's tap dance teacher." " Man, actually, I'm her power-tap guru." "I was just here giving her a little tap lesson." "But you're naked." "That's just so she could see the various muscle groups as I go through the various routines." "You see that there?" "You can't see that with a turtleneck." "And you have an..." "Oh, man, I'm just real passionate about dance." "You can say the word "dance" and he just jump up." "Dance!" "See that?" "See that there?" "'Sputia?" "Norbit, Buster's a guest in our home." "How dare you insinuate something like that?" "Yeah, Orbit!" "How dare you insinuate something such like that!" "You know, I am actually offended by your accusization, you understand?" "And rather than sit here and have a belligerent confrontation with you, 'cause I am a God-fearing man," "I'm'a do like Jesus H. Christ would do in a situation such as such and I'm gonna turn the other cheek." "Amen." "You happy now?" "Rasputia, you cheated on me!" "Look, I told your ass ain't nothing happened, and the next time you say it happened again," "I'm gonna knock your teeth out your mouth." "Rasputia, we took vows." "I'm your husband." "Rasputia, we took vows, and you cheated on me!" "It never happened!" "Yes, it did!" "And that makes you the queen of whores!" "Hey, Norbit!" "Run for your lives!" "Bastard!" "Come here!" "Oh, sweet Moses!" "Oh, my God!" "Come here!" "Come here!" "Come here to me!" "No!" "Leave me alone!" "You ain't nothing but a goddamn coward!" "Saddle tramp!" "That's what your stupid black ass get!" "I hope you broke your ass!" "Since you feel like running, Norbit, why don't you run your ass down to the Rib Shak and get me a short stack of ribs?" "and get me a short stack of ribs?" "Extra hot sauce." "All this setting you straight done got me famished." "I'm Little Red Riding Goose, walking through the forest, minding my own business, when all at once..." "Hello." " Who are you?" " I'm the big, bad pig of the forest." "My, what big eyes you have, Pig." "The better to see you with, Goose." "And my, what a big nose you have, Pig." "The better to smell them scrumptious goodies you got in your basket." "Hey, let me take a look in there." "Oh, no, you don't." "You're gonna try to steal my food." "No, I won't steal your food." "Don't let that pig push you around, Goose." "Yeah, I'm tired of you pushing me around." "Look, I'm tired of playing with your ass, bitch." "I know you got ribs in that basket." "You better give them up smooth or I'm gonna break my hoof off in your goose ass." "Oh, really?" "Well, why don't you get up off of your lazy behind and go down to the Rib Shak and get your own ribs?" "Or better still, why don't you just call Buster and tell him to come over and power-tap you, because in addition to being the pig of the forest, you're also a saddle tramp, whore, bitch pig..." "Norbit!" "What you doing?" "This supposed to be a children's show." "This remind me of Chinese snuff film I once co-star in." "I'm sorry." "I got a little carried away." "Wow, Norbit, that was some puppet show." "Oh, come on." "You don't remember me?" " Kate." "Kate." " Come here!" "Kate!" "Kate!" "Oh, God!" "I can't believe it!" "Kate!" "Well, can I have a hug?" "Norbit." "It just like old times." "Maybe you two go take poop together." "This place has not changed at all." "Oh, yeah." "Some of this furniture's even come back in style." "So, how long are you gonna be visiting for?" "No, I'm not visiting." "I'm moving back." "Really?" "Wow." "I sold my clothing business in Atlanta, and I'm going to use the money to buy the orphanage." "What?" "Mr. Wong's getting older." "He wants to go whaling, so..." "You know, it's always been my dream to come back here and take over." "That's great." "Norbit, look." "That's the tree we got married under." "You know, I've still got my ring." "I ate mine." "I missed you so much when you left." "I missed you, too." "That's my car." "We didn't really get a chance to catch up much." "I'll be back in town on Tuesday." "You wanna have lunch?" "Yeah, I would love to have lunch on Tuesday." " I love lunch." " Okay." "Lunch, yes." "For sure." "I love lunch." "Tuesday." "I'll see you Tuesday." "I'll see you on Tuesday." "We'll have lunch on Tuesday." "Tuesday." "Tuesday." "Tuesday." "Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday." "Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday..." "Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday..." "Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday." "Tuesday, Tuesday..." "Say "Tuesday" again and you ain't gonna see Wednesday!" "I got it." "I'll get it." "Tuesday." "Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday." " Buster." "How you doing?" "You look great." " Hey." " Oh, thank you, man." " Good to see you." "Good to see you." "Thank you." "I thought you were gonna be at work." "Yeah, I'm on my way out now." "But hey, look, there's cold beer in the refrigerator and there's fresh sheets on the bed." "Go have a great dance lesson." " All right." " All right." "Power-tap." "Very good, very good." "Tuesday." "What's wrong with your boy?" "He real cool all of a sudden." "Yeah, I don't know what the hell got into him, but I know I got dance fever." "Ready for a little power-tap, huh?" "Lord, give me strength." "Hey, Sam, happy Tuesday." "Norbit." "Norbit." " Hey, Kate." "Hi." " Come on, I got us a table." "Great." "I've been looking forward to this all week." "Good." "Hey." "Hey." "Who's he?" "Norbit, this is my fiancé, Deion Hughes." "How you doing, my man?" "Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit." " This is your fiancé?" " Yes, sir." "I was just telling Deion that you and I were buddy partners at the orphanage." "Now she and I are buddy partners." "Shame on you, man, letting a girl go like this." "I feel for you." "And so Deion's got all this experience in real estate, so he's going to help me buy the orphanage, Norbit." "It's so exciting!" "No, wait, wait." "No, no." "Slow down, slow down." "I mean, you know, we're just out here just scouting it out." "All right?" "This is her nest egg, you know." "I don't want her making any hasty decisions that she might regret later, you know?" "She worked too hard for this money, man, you know what I mean?" "Deion, you take such good care of me, baby." "It's my job." "Stop it." "Okay?" "Don't you just love Tuesdays?" "Lloyd, just tell me why it has to hurt so GD much." "What's the matter, boy?" "You sensing an earthquake or some other sort of natural disaster?" "That's just my..." "My wife." "A man needs his own space." "Finally!" "For the love of Cain." "Moses!" "I'll see you suckers tomorrow at the picnic!" "Damn it, Norbit!" "How many times I got to tell you, don't be messing with my car seat!" "Nobody touched your old, stupid seat." "Then how come it's all mushed up like this, then?" "Well, you know, Rasputia, you've been eating so much lately there's a very strong possibility that..." "The car is shrinking." "Might be shrinking." "The car is being smaller." "Yeah, you might be right." "Been raining a lot lately." "All this moist weather." " Oh, yeah?" "That'll make it shrink." " This weather's so moist." "How you doing?" "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me" "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me" "Don't cha" "Look at that dog over there, eyeballing me." "Rasputia, what are you doing?" "Shut up!" " Hey, slow down!" "You're gonna hit him!" " I got you now." "I got you now!" " Stop it!" "No!" " I'm gonna get you." "I'm gonna get you." "Rasputia, don't!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "I know what that sound means!" "I know what that sound means!" "Bark!" "How you doing!" "Lloyd!" "Enough is enough." "Now, where in the hell do you think you're going?" "Lloyd's in the hospital because of you!" "Yeah, that's right." "I put his little dog ass in the hospital." "And I'd have put it in the morgue, too, if you didn't mess with my car seat." "It threw off my driving skills." "Rasputia, you are a mean, selfish, cold, heartless woman, and I am leaving you!" " You leaving me?" " Yes!" "Well, where the hell you think you're going, big shot?" "You ain't got no money." "You ain't got no family." "Everything is in my name, the car, the house..." "You ain't nothing and you ain't gonna never be nothing without me, Norbit!" "Norbit, you just can't leave!" "Norbit, please, I'm with child!" "With child?" "Oh, yes, Norbit, can't you tell?" "I'm getting a little belly." "And my titties is all achy and itchy-like." "Oh, Norbit, we gonna be a family." "Oh, Norbit, come hug me, Daddy, please." "Please, Norbit." "I understand, little pony." "I know your pain." "Oh, yes, I know." "Excuse me, snow bunny." "I don't come in your jurisdiction, throwing town picnics." "Yet here you is all up in mines, pimping hos." "It's just a kissing booth." "Call it what you will, but Pope Sweet Jesus is taking half." "You work for me now, ho." "Sure." "Let me taste the goods." "Put it on me." " Greasy." " Greasy." "We back in business." "I wanna be a ho." "How do I apply?" "Please, Lord Jesus, help me!" "Look, look, tickets!" "Hey, tickets, tickets." " Let me go!" "Let me go!" " Line up with your buddy." "Line up with your buddy." " You got one, sweetie." " Can we go on the jumper?" "Yeah, yeah, you go." "Baby, you know I love you." "I love these kids." "It's just that I don't think buying an orphanage is the right move financially right now." "That's all." "Hey, this is not a financial decision, Deion." " I thought you understood that, baby." " No." "No, I do." "I do, baby." "But this the call I was telling you..." "The business call, it's very important." "Let's talk about it when I get back to the house, okay?" "You're not going to stay?" "No, very important." "Here." "Hello?" "It's never a bad time for you." "Stop it!" "Stop!" "Norbit!" " Hey." " Hi." "Hey." " I didn't know you were gonna be here." " Oh, yeah." "Hey, you know, I just saw Deion leaving." "He had some business to take care of." "So, who are you here with?" "My wife." " Norbit, I didn't know you were married." " Yeah." " Well, that's wonderful." "Really." " Thank you so much." "So, where is she?" "Right over there in the print outfit." "The one talking to the girl by the bench?" "No, the one sucking the jelly out of them donuts." "Oh, yeah." "She's pretty." "That's cherry." "Is that cherry or strawberry?" "What are my kids doing?" "Peter!" "Theo!" "I don't want you bothering anyone." "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice." "Mrs. Rice?" "My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice." "Oh, I just thought 'cause you're married to Norbit..." "Who the hell are you?" "Kate, this is my wife, Rasputia Latimore, and, Rasputia, this is Kate." " Nice to meet you." " Hello." "Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage." "Latimore, as in Latimore Construction?" "Yes, that's right, as in Latimore Construction." "That's right." "Why?" "Well, just that this is perfect, 'cause I was going to come see you guys about a renovation of..." "I ain't come out here for that." "I'm out here to enjoy these festivities, not to be talking no business." "You wanna talk business, my brother is Big Black Jack over there by the BB guns." "Go over there and talk to him." "I ain't got no time for this." "Oh, sure, okay." "Well, go on, get." " Okay." " Okay." " Come here." " What, Rasputia?" "You thinking about creeping, ain't you?" "We're just friends." "What'd I tell you about having friends?" "Go over there and get me another wine cooler." "It's hot as hell out here." "Don't you see I'm sweltering?" " Rasputia, you can't drink wine." " Why the hell not?" " You're with child." " With child?" "I ain't with no..." "Oh, that was..." "I had gas." "I still got it." "There's your child." "Now, go get me something to drink." "Twins!" "Hey!" "You come back here!" " Oh, my God!" " Move your fat ass, boy." "Look, you got one!" "Get him." "Get him, Big Black." "Are you Big Black Jack?" "What it look like?" "Oh, well." "Me and my fiancé are buying the Golden Wonton..." "Wong's place?" "He's selling it to you?" "Yeah." "Why is that surprising?" "Miss Thomas, Miss Thomas, let's go." "They're starting the music." " Oh, great!" " Come on." "Let's go." "Can we finish this up later?" "Apparently I have to go dance now." "All right, baby." "You go dance now." "The orphanage is in play." "Y'all better give me my hat." "Give me the hat!" "Here, take her hat." "You think I won't come up in here?" "I'm gonna come up in here." "You think I'm playing?" "Give me the hat right now, or I'm gonna tear your leg off." "Hey, Norbit, come on!" "Oh, no." "No, I can't." "Rasputia's waiting for me." " Come on, dance with us." " No, really, I shouldn't..." "Don't think I won't kill a child." "I'll kill a child in front of everybody." "Little street urchins." "Okay." "That's it." "Now it's time to bring the pain." "Dance, Norbit, dance!" "Come on!" "My hat!" "It's raining little white women." "My prayers have been answered!" "She'd better move, 'cause my prayer is for a Cadillac." "You little bastards." "Where the hell is Norbit with that wine cooler?" "I'm thirsty as hell." "Oh, hell, no." "Oh, he's lost his mind." "Bitch, that's my wine cooler!" "It's my birthday!" "It's my birthday!" "It's your birthday?" "You think it's your birthday, huh?" "Norbit's got moves, everybody!" "Yeah!" "You got him loose, don't you, you little skinny bitch?" "I see what you trying to do." "I see just what you trying to do." "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "Come on, everybody!" "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "Go, Norbit!" "Go..." "Norbit!" "Crooked employees?" "Unlicensed doctors?" "Lipstick on your husband's collar?" "Find out who you're really dealing with." "Send $29.95 to Background Checks by Mail," "P.O. Box 119, Locust Falls." "Hey, buddy partner." "Hi, Kate." "Hi, nice to see you." "How you doing?" "I'm good, but how about you and your head?" "Oh, I'm doing better." "The doctor said if it weren't for my hard Afro, it could have killed me." "Are you sure you're okay, Norbit?" "That sounds kind of fast." "Oh, well, they're doing some tests." "They're kind of monitoring me." "Well, I don't know about this stuff, but 110 beats per minute, that's kind of high. 120..." "Oh, my goodness, 130!" "Yeah, maybe the machine's broke." "I'm just gonna take these off." "You Deion Hughes?" "Who's asking?" "We the Latimores." "Yeah." "Latimore Construction." "And we run this town." "Your woman was telling us how y'all was planning on buying the orphanage." "Kate has her plans and I have mine." "Well, it looks like the only plans you got, my man, is leaving." "I ain't sticking around raising no damn orphans." "I got kids of my own I ain't even bringing up." "So, you was just hustling her?" "Break it to her gentle for me, would you?" "I'm out!" "Hold up, player." "I think you missing the flow here." "That orphanage she buying, that's a huge property, outside of town, zoned commercial." "Even got a liquor license." "Interesting." "It's a perfect place for a titty bar." " Did you say "titty bar"?" " Titties." "We got it all worked out." "We gonna call it Nipplopolis." "Nipplopolis." "Shit got a ring to it, don't it?" "We talking about overpriced, watered-down alcohol and fake tig old bitties in abundance." "Ain't gonna be nothing but tax-free, under-the-table, pure cash money." "Big time!" "That's right." "All you got to do is swing us the deal and we make you partner." "And what about Kate?" "If you marry her, it's as much yours as hers." "Norbit, I really want you to be a part of the orphanage." "The kids are crazy about you." " They're good kids." " Yeah." "You know, I'm gonna take them bike riding tomorrow, down by the lake." "Why don't you come?" "I don't know if I could go for a bike ride." "I never..." "I didn't really know how, the..." "I can't ride a bike still." "You never learned?" "What?" "Well, you left, you know, and there was nobody there to teach me." "And Wong don't ride." "Okay, we'll do something else." "The water park." "The kids have been begging me to take them there." "Oh, I don't know about the water park." "Come on, it's a Saturday." "You don't have to work." "Yeah, I know, but it's the park and it's watery, and there's a potential hell to pay if I were to be there maybe..." "Hey, what are you doing with those things, Kate?" "Well, I'm just going to have to shock you till you say yes." "Hey, come on, Kate." "Don't play with those." " Those things are plugged in." "It's hot." " Clear." "No, no clear." "No clear." "Stop, Kate." "Stop, Kate." "Come on." "Yes." " Yes, yes, yes." " Yes, yes, yes, yes!" "Okay, stop." "Nurse!" "Oh, my God, Deion." "This is beautiful." "I didn't even know you could cook." "I just wanted to do something special for you, you know, from the heart." "Well, I am feeling it." "Let's do it." "Let's get married, right away." "I don't wanna wait." " Deion." " Church is free on Saturday." "You're serious?" " Baby, we belong together." " Yeah." " I want to." "Saturday." " Yeah." "Yes!" " Thank you." " Oh, no, thank you." "Norbit!" "Hi." "Hey." "Good morning, Rasputia." "Good morning." "How are you this morning?" "Where the hell you going?" "Nowhere special." "I was just gonna go out to..." " I was just going over to Raging Waters." " Raging Waters?" "Yes." "It's this thing I got roped into, darling." "You know, I was at this orphanage when I was raised, and..." "And the people from the orphanage and now they're taking other orphans to Raging Waters so they asked me to come and give back to the community, so I'm trying to, you know, do my part." "Little Miss Skinny Bitch gonna be there?" "You mean Miss Ling Ling?" "You know damn well I ain't talking about no Miss Ling Ling." "I'm talking about Miss Thing Thing from that picnic." "Miss Thing Thing from the picnic?" "Who are you talking about, sweetheart?" "I don't even..." "Wait, I think I remember now." "A girl, she had the foreign name." " Something Russian." " Kate, bitch!" "Kate!" "Of course it's Kate." "Yes, I don't know if Kate's gonna be there." "I hadn't even thought about it." "It didn't even cross my mind." "I wonder, will Kate be there?" "Damn good question." "Well, I'm going." "No!" "You don't like water parks, Rasputia." "No." "You don't like water parks, Rasputia." "No." "Who don't like water parks?" "I love them." "They're just like amusement parks, except you ain't got to get off the ride to go to the bathroom." "How you doing?" "Great." "There you go." "Have fun." "There you go, Brian." "Nick, there's one for you." "All right, kids, everybody please be nice to Mrs. Latimore, okay?" " Okay." " Okay." "Kate, I hope you don't mind." "I asked Rasputia to join us." "Of course not." "I'm really glad you could come." "Well, are we gonna stand around here all day or we gonna go inside?" "Excuse me." "Excuse me, ma'am." "What?" "Are you wearing bottoms?" "Of course I'm wearing bottoms!" "Okay." "Come on in." "How dare you?" "Oh, hell, no." "How you doing!" "This ain't like no real beach, 'cause on a real beach you got people walking around with ice chests and you can get all kinds of treats like sandwiches and potato chips and Mentos and Skittles and all sorts of delectables." "You can't get shit here!" "Well, you know, there's a concession stand." "You going?" "No, I already ate." "Well, you could have fooled me." "I'm sorry?" "I'm just trying to say you too damn skinny." "Look at you." "See, most men like a woman that got a little..." "Or a little..." "You ain't got nothing." "You just skin and bones, just sitting in that chair all bones and skin." "I feel sorry for you." "Well, I just feel that we're all made exactly the way we're supposed to be." "Oh, no." "Hell, no." "I'm a Christian, and you ain't gonna sit there and blame God for how you look, okay?" "You the one that pushed that plate away." "My Norbit is always telling me there's two kinds of women, big old good ones and good old big ones." "Really?" "That's right." "And, sister, let me tell you, just between the two of us," "I can't keep Norbit off me." "He is the biggest freak you ever wanna meet and he be blowing my back out, trying to put me through the headboard every night." "I'm thinking about going on a little diet or something so I can get all emaciated-looking like you, then he'll think I look disgusting and I can get a rest or some sleep for a little while," "because he want it all the time." "Just boom, bam, boom, boom, boom." "But I ain't mad at him, hey." "I'm gonna go on a diet for sure, next week." "Right now I'm gonna get me a lamb kabob and a wine cooler." "How you doing?" "Where is that wine cooler section?" "Miss Thomas, we're all going off the Leap of Doom." "Come on." "Slowly." "Slowly." "Someone's gonna fall down." "You're gonna break your head in half in a second." "Slow down!" "Wait for me!" "I tell you, it sure is tiring chasing these kids all around the water park, isn't it?" "Especially for us skinny folk." "What?" "Never mind."