"Can I trade clipboards with you?" "Okay fine... but mine's better ..." "You wanna trade?" "I guess." "Elliot, have you seen my clipboard?" "No." "Nope." "Oh, this'll be fun." "J.D., I would like you to meet, J.D." "How's it going, man?" "Make him leave." "Are you bummed out that we have the same name?" "Don't worry about it, man;" "I'll tell you what..." "you're a little bit older than I am," "So you were J.D. first." "So how about you'll be J.D. Number One, and I'll just be J.D. Number Two." "How about that?" "Hey Number Two." "Hey Number One." "So, I've got one more patient, do you want to have lunch in ten minutes and you can bring my clipboard?" " Hey, Number Two!" " Number One !" " Hey, Number Two!" " Number One !" ""I honestly think the best part about working here is the patients."" ""When they see how much you care, they're always grateful."" "About time." "Idiot." "Okay, Mr. Simon." "Good morning, how you feeling?" "I was just asking Nurse Fajita here if you guys get extra points for asking stupid questions." "No, sir, I was just trying to assess how you're..." "Bambi." "Don't bother." "Carla, please." "Sir, if there's anything I can do to make your stay here more comfortable..." "You can kiss my man-sized ass!" "Okay." "Will you hold me after?" "Maybe we shouldn't bother." "Hey, Number Two!" " Hey, Number One." " Hey, Number Two." "Hey Bambi, you know Mr. Simon made one of the night nurses cry?" " Which one?" " Frank." "Frank used to be a Navy SEAL." " Hey, Number Two!" " Hey, Number One." "You are a brave man." "You're an attending here and not only you're dating a med student, you're holding hands with her in public." "Well, normally I would never do this, but there are mitigating factors." "Like what?" "Well, for starters, you are very hot." "Listen, I have kind of a special evening planned for us." "I'm not going to give away everything, but I will say it involves wine," "An amazing dinner, and a safety word we've agreed upon in advance." "God, you are going to make a great mom." "I told you what to do if the stitches on your chest start to itch." "Don't scratch." "Unless they're really itchy." "Then you go to town, you go nuts, you do your thing." "Dr. Reid, one of the nurses found your stethoscope in the bathroom." "Oh, thank you so much, sir..." "This isn't it, sweetheart." "I had them leave yours where it was." "Let's try to be a little more responsible, shall we?" "I think I went to college with that guy." "Oh, lucky you." "Used to play his guitar every Saturday night at this coffee house off-campus." "Remember the guy's name?" "Oh..." "Robbie, something, I think." "You know, Dr. Kelso's name is Bob, which is short for Robert, and Robbie is another nickname for Robert!" "Like, oh, my God!" "Just give Mr. Simon thirty milligrams of MS Contin." "I don't understand why I have to come with you." "Because, Bambi, you're kind of like a doctor." "Now come on, he's just another patient." "What the hell do you want?" "Just going to have Carla here give you a little stronger pain medication." "Beat it, junior." "Toodles." "Well." "You're all mine." "Me no likey mean guys." "Have you seen my stethoscope?" "No." "Maybe you left it in one of the girl's bathrooms?" "What?" "Hey!" "Hey, is that my stethoscope?" "This is mine." "It's getting hot, Red Bird, pull me out." "Hey, Kristen, slow down!" "You have no idea how many times you're going to say that tonight." "Boy, you're making it hard." "You're going to say that, too." "Kristen, look, something has come up and I'm not going to be able to make it tonight." " What?" " I know, I know, I'm sorry." "But it's important." "It's very important." "So thank you so much for giving me a ride to pick up my new dresser." "Please, you know I love doing favors." " You hate doing favors." " But I like doing them for you, that's a fact." "Now listen, even though I am in the best shape of my life..." "and I am, by the way..." "I mean, fact of the matter is you could pretty much bounce a damn quarter off my butt, you know, if you..." "If you wanted to." "I...don't have any change." "Anyway, I'm probably going to need your help getting the dresser up on the roof here." "Oh, I'm sure you guys can handle it." "I beg your pardon." "Dude, this is such a sweet ride." "You got seatbelts back here?" "No." "Hey." "You know that dresser I got for Carla yesterday?" "It's not for her place, it's for mine." "Is she moving in?" "No-one asked me." "What the hell is this crap?" "It's Dr. Kelso!" "Mr. Sloane dropped the tape off." "Why do you care so much, anyway?" "I mean, I think it would be so interesting if there was this whole, like, romantic, creative, vulnerable side to him." "I think it's a fascinating study of human behaviour." "I think you're a fascinating study of human behaviour." "The music's not that bad." ""You played a part, sweet Bunny, you broke my Tuscaloosa heart..."" ""My Tuscaloosa heart"?" "You have to admit, if that was him, it'd be pretty weird." "You have to admit, you're pretty weird." "Stop doing that!" "You stop doing that!" ""Ahh, Mr. Simon's room."" "You don't have to hide from Mr. Simon." "I'm not hiding from Mr. Simon, I have a new exercise program;" "it's called 'Short Bursts'." " Is it working?" " Do you have to ask?" " Yeah." " Where did Mr. Simon go?" "Well, I'm guessing not heaven." "He died." "Hey, Number Two!" "Hey, Number One." "What happened?" "Bambi, he had terminal metastatic colon cancer, he went into respiratory arrest and passed away." "Hey, Number Two!" "Hey, Number One." "Did you give him a dose of naloxone?" "Yes, Bambi, we tried intubating him, we did CPR, we even tried transcutaneous pacing." "Hey, Number Two!" " He went so fast." " Yeah." "Say "Hey, Number One"." " Hey, Number One." " Hey, Number Two." "Hey, it's Kristen." "I missed you tonight." "Don't get me wrong, I went ahead with the date on my own" "But it would have been almost as fun if you were here." "I wish you were here." "See ya." "You are a stupid, stupid man." "Hey honey, I'm home." "You know, you should lock your door, there's horrible people out there." "There's horrible people right in here." "Maybe you forgot how this works." "See, when I say that "Hi honey" thing, you take your pants off." "See, thems the rules of the booty call." "Jordan, believe me," "I enjoy our meaningless post-divorce sex as much as the next guy you marry will" "But your timing cou-hould not be worse." "Oh, maybe you don't remember the terms of our settlement." "When Jordan needs sex, Jordan gets sex." "Listen, Sweetcheeks, I am seeing someone who..." "Let me guess, let me guess..." "Dark haired, domineering, doesn't take any of your crap?" "You see, a lesser person would mock your inability to move on." "I'm going to consider it an homage." "There is something so... soft about you." "Look, I am seeing someone right now..." "Who, by the way, is great..." "And yet there's this other woman who I cannot get out of my head." "She's totally unavailable, which may be why I can't get her out of my head and maybe -and this is a whole new theory- I keep thinking of this other woman -the unavailable one" "Because I am so afraid that the first thing might actually work out" "And God forbid I ever do something that might actually make me happy." "Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?" "Oh my God." "If I have to stay here and listen to this crap, I'll need a stronger drink." "I hate you." "I hate you, too, honey." "Fair enough." "I'm sure that was Dr. Kelso singing." " It wasn't." " Yeah, but what if it was?" "Elliot, stop." "Okay, please, I don't want to have this conversation again." "I really think it was him." " It wasn't." " Yeah, but what if it was?" "Oh, good Lord, woman." "Having a late-night tea party, are we?" "Oh, I guess my invitation must have been lost in the mail." "Well, as long as I'm here, I'm partial to Lemon Zinger." "Sir, the reason Dr. Turk is here is because his patient is going into surgery tomorrow;" "But I was kind of hoping we could do an ERCP first?" "Ahh, you're breaking my Tuscaloosa heart." "Just turf him." ""Tuscaloosa heart"" "Um, this is what I like to call my 'Told-You-So Dance'." "I told you so, I told you so, I-I-I told you so..." "You guys awake?" "Holy son of a cracker!" " Turk..." " Carla." "Not now, maybe in the morning before work..." "Just thought I'd talk to you guys." "J.D., when you were a kid, did you used to walk into your parent's room in the middle of the night?" "Mommy, are you and Daddy playing wheelbarrow?" "Son, you go back to bed, I'm fixing Mommy's back." "Yes, once." "(Carla :" "Turk, you're not being very sensitive.)" " I'll be sensitive at breakfast, baby." "Turk out." "What's up, Bambi?" "I just can't stop thinking about Mr. Simon." "I neglected him because he was such a jerk;" "and I'm just kinda worried that's what killed him." "Well, could have been the neglect." "Could have been the terminal cancer." "Bambi, you're a conscientious doctor, you'd never do anything to hurt a patient, you know that." "You're right." "Argh...thank you, Carla." "Peace out, Turk!" "Good night." ""We all know what goes on in the bedroom..."" " Baby, since we're up...?" " No." ""But it's also the place to reflect on what's new in your life"" "Tell me about this girl you like." ""And most importantly, it's the place where you can let everything go and finally just sleep... "" ""...or not."" ""Okay, so you got a good eight, nine minutes of sleep last night."" ""Just remember it's a new day;" "yesterday's gone and it's never coming back."" " Bambi." "About yesterday." " It's back?" "They want you to present Mr. Simon at a M and M conference this afternoon." ""Morbidity and Mortality conferences are just fun little meetings they have when they think you may be in any way responsible for a patient's death."" "Bambi." "Don't be nervous." "Is it hot in here?" "It's, like, it's hot!" "No, I'm fine." "Okay." ""Still, there's no reason to start obsessing." "You did nothing wrong."" "Morning, Killer." "Have a good one, Killer." " Hey, Number Two!" " Hey, Number One." " Hey, Number Two!" " Okay, you have to stop doing that." "Look, Number One..." "Number Two!" "Okay, listen, I know we have the same name, and I feel very bad about that," "But I can't spend every second of my day playing this game with you." "I'm sorry, I..." "Hey Number Two." "Hey, you." "You got a minute?" "You know what would make surgery quicker?" "If we didn't have to be so clean." "Listen, I gotta say something to you here, you... you are so great." "You know, you're sexy, you're smart;" "God knows you're dangerous." " Do you think I'm a spy?" " No." "Look, I just want you to know that I haven't been in this relationship a hundred percent," "And it's because of how great you are and just exactly how much that scares me." "But from now on, if you want... sister, you're going to be getting the whole shebang." "'Cause I'm all in, baby." " Bring it. 'Brikka, bow-bow..." " Yeah, you come here with the "bow-bow"." "'My Bunny's a Baby Blue', 'Bunny How Things Change', 'B-U-N-N-Y Spells Love to Me'." "Ten songs about "Bunny";" "not one song about his wife." "That's because it's physically impossible to write a love song about anyone named "Enid"." "Turk, don't you get it?" "This tape shows exactly why Kelso is..." "Kelso!" "I mean, he used to be this beautiful, wonderful, sweet, caring man, he--he found the love of his life and somehow she slipped through his hands." "Oh, that is so sad." "Have you guys ever stopped to think that maybe Bunny is just a real bunny." "Baby, that's just stupid." "Yeah, I know" ""I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm akay, I'm a kay."" ""I'm a kay?" "What the hell does that mean?"" "Dr. Dorian, we have examined Aaron Simon's file." "Before we begin, do you have any last words?" "I'm a kay?" "That was terrible Can I have a do-over?" "Initially there were concerns that Mr. Simon may have been over-medicated." "We have concluded that his pain control was both adequate and well within normal limits." "Thank you for stopping by." "Actually, Sir, I'm not sure how this whole thing usually works, but I was kinda hoping we could take a closer look at me." "I've been sorta doubting my performance, and it would be really helpful if we could all talk about it." "As a group." ""Bottom line, Dr. Kelso isn't looking to do me any favors." "If I did something wrong, he'd call me on it..."" ""...then how come I still can't sleep?"" "Oh, joy." "See, I told you when he saw us together he'd fold his arms and do the teeth thing." "You know, he did the same thing the first time I saw him naked." "No way, same here." " Really?" " Yeah." "Ohh-kay, this is beyond horrible." "Would you relax, Perry, I just came by for a board meeting and I wanted to meet the new lady in your life..." "And warn her." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Kristen... this is my emotional baggage." "Baggage..." "Kristen." "Ohh, be nice." "Hey, I just wanted to thank you again for helping me move that dresser last night." "Oh, sure, no problem." "Thank you." "He's a great guy." " See ya." " Oh." "Bye." "That's why you blew me off?" "Oh, I should leave." "Moving furniture with that nurse you have a crush on." "That's your "hundred percent"?" "No--no, no--no, the hundred percent actually came well after that." "Look, her boyfriend was there the entire time, and if you want to know the truth, bailing on you is far and away the best thing that could have happened because it made me realise that I was sabotaging myself again." "What, if you don't believe me, ask Jordan." "Would you please tell her what I said to you right before you left this morning." "Left where?" "You're unbelievable." "That's too bad, I liked her." "I did, too!" "Oh dear God..." "Why don't we just say something to him?" "Like what?" "I don't know..." "I heard some of your songs and I think they're extraordinary." "Elliot, don't." " I won't." " Pinky swear." "I heard some of your songs and I think they're extraordinary!" "Excuse me?" "You swore!" "You know what, um, just forget it." "We won't bother you anymore." "Sir... whatever happened to Bunny?" "We gotta know." "Well, actually, the music came before Bunny." "I learned to play the guitar growing up as a young rapscallion in Mississippi;" "but things didn't really take off until I moved to Memphis." "Then I met the Colonel, and the hits just kept coming!" "Unfortunately, it went to my head, I gained a lot of weight, started wearing a white jumpsuit and ate tranquilizers like they were trailmix." "Sir..." "Then, in 1977, I died on the toilet..." "Or did I?" "You never played the guitar, did you?" "Son, that crap is for hippies." "Now for God's sake, get back to work!" "Yes sir." "Thank you very much." ""Ultimately, I always turn to the person I trust the most."" ""Because I know when he looks me in the eye and says I didn't do anything wrong, I'll actually believe it."" "Yep, looks like you screwed the pooch there, Tinkerbell." "But I didn't overmedicate him!" "Of course you didn't, and I always check your orders after you make them." "But if you're wondering whether or not you treated Mr. Simon differently because he's a complete jerk, well..." "I think you know the answer to that one already, don't you?" "Depends what you mean by different, I..." "I have to warn you, I just got dumped in front of my ex-wife not ten minutes ago, okay Betty?" "It's always easy to treat the nice ones nice, isn't it?" "But your drug addicts, your child abusers, your garden-variety jerks..." "Man." "You know, it's...it's barely misting out..." "It's my hair, if it even gets damp, it frizzes out and becomes wildly unmanageable." "Mine too!" "It was a joke, you girl." "Lookit, Newbie, the only way to judge your growth as a doctor, hell, as a human being," "Is by making sure you don't repeat the same mistakes over and over." "That was really great and all, but next time would you do me a favour and not look at me in the eye" "It really gets in the way of what I come here to do." "Then, for God's sake, stop turning around!" "Oh, that's classy." "No, wait a minute -- you don't have to go..." "you know, if... if you don't want to." "Oh my God, are you really that lonely?" "Kinda, yeah." "All right, I'll toss you a quickie, but no talking." "I'll talk if I want to, you know!" "Yeah, be quiet!" ""The worst part of being a doctor is that you fall short a lot."" ""The best part is that if you wait around for a few seconds, you'll get a chance to redeem yourself."" "Hey, Number Two !" "Hey, Number One." "How you doing, man?" ""I guess there's good and bad in all of us."" ""Woke up this morning, without you, Oh, angel, the skies is blue, And there's nothing I can do, but close my eyes, and dream about you..."" "Dr. Kelso, your wife is on line one." "Hey, Bunny!" "..." "No, I forgot..." "Yeah...no..." "Yeah, I'll do it as soon as I get home..." "Well, I'm sor..." "Yeah...well, I guess hanging up on me is the right thing to do." ""And once you've accepted all sides of yourself, it's a lot easier to sleep at night."" "Goodnight, Number Two." "Nothing... gotta be boobs somewhere... nothing... jackpot!" ""Oh, it's sad, but it's true..."" ""..." "I love you.""