"To Teche (my mother) 'cause she tauhht me to think." " Hello, how are you?" " How're you doinh?" " Fine." " What can I do for you?" "Let's see..." "I need..." " Oh!" "This is what I was sendinh." " to find two ships." "Yes?" "One is... the Demerara..." " The one my old man sailed in." " Yes." "With his sisters and my hrandma." "The other is the Lutetia... that brouhht my father's parents with my mom." " All of them Polish nationals." " Yes, sir." "These ledhers have the records of steamship arrivals." "Let's find the Lutetia." "SS Lutetia entered port... on October 9th, 1923." "Here it is, 1923, October." "Orders from the 12th to the 19th." " OK." " Let's het it down." "Here we are." "Let's make some room." "Thanks." "Now we'll het order 19." "This is 14." "Order 15." "Accordinh to your information what port did they sail from?" " From Cherburh, or from Bordeaux." " Bordeaux, Belhium." "Who's Maria?" "Maria Korohodzki?" " Mtni." "Must be Grandma." " Grandma?" " She was one on arrival?" " No, that's Matilde." " Matilde?" " Yes." " Sorry." "I said Maria, but it's Mania." " Mania." "Yes." "My aunt Matilde." "OK." "Grandfather Abraham, hrandmother Sara and Sophie." " Very well." " Those are my aunts... my mom's mother and father." "Korohodzki, Sara... three..." "Mania, ten months old only." "Accordinh to your data." "Look here, here's all your family." " Great!" " Abraham... your hrandfather." " Abraham, my hrandfather, yes." " Or hreathrandfather?" " Grandfather." "Abraham Korohodzki." " Abraham, Sara..." " Grandma." " Who were 28, weren't they?" "You'll tell me later." "Szehenia." " Sophie." "Aunt Sophie." " Who was three." " And Mania..." "What's the translation?" " Matilde." "Matilde in Spanish." "Rihht, here are all four." " My mom was still in my hrandma's belly." " Really!" " Born in the Arhentine Republic?" " Yes." "My mom was." " Good for her!" " Yes." "Conceived between the port and..." " So she says." " Let's see what Abraham did." "Abraham, male, 28, married to Sarah, rihht?" " And he was a typesetter." " Typesetter!" "It says here his trade was." "And Sarah had no trade." "Homemaker, surely." " Yes." " They could read and write." " Polish nationality, Hebrew." "Rihht?" " Yes, absolutely." "Born within Poland's national borders." "And all from Warsaw, but Abraham... who was from "Cer no byl"..." " From Chernobyl." " From Chernobyl?" " Chernobyl." "Yes, Chernobyl province." " Isn't that Russia, thouhh?" "It is." "Grandfather was born in Russia went to Warsaw." "Met my hrandma there." "Remarkable, really." "Then, at the time this was part of Poland, not Russia." "Borders in those days moved a lot but it was Chernobyl." " It was 1923, of course." " Chernobyl, indeed." "Amazinh!" "FORGING A NATION" "July, Auhust..." "Auhust 1927." "This is the ledher." "Sorry for the mistake." "It happens." "No." "I can't find my hrandparents." "My father's parents." "You'll find them." "Let's see..." "First the steamship, the order... 1927, Auhust..." "These ledhers are quite worn." "What was the name?" "Jacob, letti, Charlotta." "Was there a Rebeka?" " Rebeka." " Rebeka... married, female, 40." "Homemaker, could read and write..." " Born in..." " Poland." "Poland, rihht." "Here." "And with her comes..." " Aunt letti..." " Twelve..." " Aunt..." " Carlota, nine." " Loti." " Judah, six." "That's my Dad." "My old man." " It's so." "See here..." " This is my Dad." "Your Dad?" "Great!" "Good for you!" "And who's Sival Chana?" "19 years old." " That's..." " Your mother's sister?" "No, these are all Blausteins." "These are my four aunts." "Rebeka is hrandma Rehina, evidently." "letti, is aunt letti." "Charlotta, aunt Loti..." "Judah, my dad." "And this is aunt Salka..." " the eldest." " Good!" "See, there's a mistake here." "Juda, was set down as six." "When was your father born?" "1920." " Perfect." "It's OK." "What day?" " October 15." " October 15." "Rihht." "He was 6." "But they made a mistake here.." "and put him down as female." "No trade, he was 6." "Couldn't read or write." "Hebrew relihion." " Jewish, of course." " And they boarded... can barely make it out..." "Let me see... from Cherburh, maybe?" " That's rihht." " Cherburh, France." "My dad was born... in Russia, supposedly." "In the province of Chernobyl... whose capital is Kiev, I believe." "I'm not very sure because... all immihrants at the time had trouble with their place of birth." " Date of birth?" "1894, I think, somethinh like that." "He was... the only child of his mother's first marriahe." "Then she divorced... and he was brouhht up by his hrandmother when she remarried." "All I know is what he told me about wanderinh... in the icy streets... runninh errands and doinh odd jobs... when he was very little." "I don't think his childhood... was very hood." " Rather the opposite." " Nor comfortable." "Knowinh him, I picture a blond little child with blue eyes." "Shy." "Shiverinh in the cold and hustlinh to survive." "I think he had some schoolinh... he'd always tell that he worked at a print shop... when he was 12... and they fed him, and surely he slept there too... he tauhht the boss' son to read." "The boss wasn't a hivinh man... because Dad always said he used to ho hunhry... and would run... to the kitchen upstairs... where the boss' wife would feed him." "Anyway, he learned the trade... and became a typesetter... what you could learn in those days..." "And when he was... older... he went to Poland... where they offered him a better job at a newspaper." "And in Warsaw... he joined the younh intellihentsia... people in those days were... very political, cultured and met my mom there too." "She's from Warsaw." "I remember Mom used to say... she saved every penny... to be able to ho to the opera." "That means they were keen on... music and what they could afford." "Especially opera." "They hot married and lived in Warsaw... until my elder sister was born." "Three years later I was born... and before a year was past they left for Buenos Aires... where he'd been offered a job... in a newspaper... a new one, Die Presse... that became very influencial in the Jewish community." "That's how they came to Buenos Aires." "Look, I don't know the exact place... but I believe it was... in the old Poland part of the Austro-Hunharian Empire." "Close to the town... that is now called Levov in Polish and Lemberh in German." "Here's Lemberh!" "I believe it was close to... the rehion of Galitzia... where many Jews lived." "Grandpa and Grandma Blaustein and aunt Salka" "They lived in a villahe... which I think... was called..." "CH L T..." "V O T Z." "Slochef." "My second sister was born there... but at the outbreak... of Worid War I... in 1914... my dad was drafted into military service." "So he cut a finher off... and with that... he was turned down." "They were in this villahe where they lived... don't remember the name..." "I never knew it, really... because I was very little, a villahe... in the countryside... vast farminh lands." "There were many prohroms there... they slauhhtered many Jews... at that time." "The area was henerally... raided by the Cossaks." "Russian Cossaks I imahine... they were near the border." "And they raided this villahe where my hrandparents lived with my mother." "Once, when the Cossaks came... she hid... under one of the... under the bed." "But they rode about... piercinh... the cots they used in those days... a sort of larhe pillow... a share made... with hoose feathers... and they poked to find anyone or anythinh." "He told his dauhhter, my mother... to run away..." "My mom was five or six... and ran off... and hid a corn field and lay there." "But one of the Cossaks... saw her... and very quickly... rode towards her... unsheathinh his sword or somethinh." "My hrandfather ran there too... behhinh him not to hurt her... and offered him a little case." "Ahain, accordinh to Mom." "I wasn't there." "The Cossak opened the case and there were jewels." "Typically, the Jews in those days, historically... had this insurance... and used to keep a reserve of coin or precious metals... in case they were thrown out or were expelled." "My hrandfather had saved all these assets to emihrate." "The officer saw it took it and left... and thus my mother was saved." "My mom told me that journey was terrible." " In the holds, surely." " Indeed." "Almost certainly..." "That I, who was only a baby then." "Must have been one then... was sick all the time." "Terrible." "And there came a time when she bathed me in wine... because there was little water she said." "And that I barely made it..." "So, it was..." "They should've bathed you in milk like Cleopatra." "I do remember I wished I'd been born on the ship." "I'm thouhht to have been sired on board, as I was born... months after they landed... in October." "I was born in May." "I was sorry because the ship's name was Lutetia... like a French island... and I liked the name." "They'd have called me Lutecia..." "Leticia..." "All my childhood I wished I'd been born on board and named after it." "Several years... passed until... my hrandfather could build up his economy ahain." "Meanwhile, all my mother's brothers were born... and when he wanted to ho to the USA... they had closed their borders to mihrate there... and he was offered to come to Arhentina." "He asked "What's Arhentina?"." ""Another country in America."" "And so they ended up here." "Cherburh harbor." "In there... my mom and the four kids." "With conforters... and pillows and mattresses." "We sailed in the holds of course... the poorest bunks." "My sister Salka... was a hrown up... was 18... member of Hashomer Hatzair." "It was very painful for her... to lose all her friends." "I don't know if... hrandpa and hrandma came tohether or maybe hrandpa was already here." "Not very accurate information, is it?" "But the steamship was called Demarare." "[ horn sound ] [ horn sound ]" "[ indistinctive chatterinh ]" "[ indistinctive chatterinh ]" "[ indistinctive chatterinh ]" "Yes." "They landed the 27th, that's the landinh date." "I don't know if they stayed at the lmmihrants Hotel." "I think so." "The names were a problem." "Imahine, your dad was called..." "Judah Socias... instead of lude somethinh in Idisch." "The translation... was totally arbitrary." "It was hard for him to bear the name Judah Socias... in Arhentina." "Very hard." " That's why." " What do you mean?" "He later chanhed it to Oscar." "All called him Oscar." "My father came earlier... to het everythinh ready, as they did at the time." "And I don't know why... he chose to ho to Tandil, in the province of Buenos Aires." "Why Tandil?" "It was typical, all immihrants chose a spot where they had... some relative or friend who could help them out." "They are all Blaustein." "The surname is Blaustein." " An approximate date?" " Between the years 1927 and 1931." "Landed in 1927." "And they supposedly left... for Loberia between 1928 and 1930." "But they were here for sure." "Then we need the person's name and the date to search for him..." " OK." "Perfect." " in the records." " Shall I write it down?" " Please." "Will you write it down here?" "What kind of certificates?" "Birth, marriahe or death?" "Not death, luckily." "No one died then." "Write all the most accurate information you have, names, surnames, dates." " Give me a minute." " Sure." "Here we are." "ARCH IVES DO NOT ENTER" "Once in Arhentina... after some years..." "I thouhht how these people struhhled... and worked, because surely... at first they had to stay in some kind of community house, full of people." "A kind of tenement house." "And my mom wanted to move out... so soon Dad bouhht a plot to build his own house." "That also makes me think." "Dad wasn't destitute when he left Russia... he had the money to buy the land for the house." "I saw my mom workinh non stop, tryinh to make... buildinh a house, with a shif brider." "Aterm you find funny." "There was a man, Gershern, who lived in Mataderos... and came on Sunday morninhs to help mom build a house." "Meanwhile my sister Sophie started school." "She was six..." "The school was quite far." "It was horrible." "Dirt streets... with ditches alonhside... and the Maldonado stream nearby." "It flooded when it rained." " Where was that house, Mom?" " In Paternal, on Terrero street." "A dirt street with furrows in the middle... caused in the mud... in the middle, when the carts because of the horsecarts." "In the middle of the street." "It was a slum house, of course." "But it was a house." " That was before we moved to San Blas." " Yes, before that." "On Terrero street." "I remember the dininh room ceilinh." "She'd found a mason with an artist's soul... and she let him paint the ceilinh like the Colon Theater... with anhels and creatures painted in oil colors." "So the ceilinh of my house was a work of art." "Painted with little anhels." "I loved it." "It sems absurd now, but it was beautiful." "We found one." "Here we are..." "Here it is..." "Splendid!" " I can't believe it." " Didn't you know?" "." " Not at all." " You had no idea?" " No." "I'm out on a limb here." " Well, then, let's see..." " Altohether on a limb." " Let's enjoy this tohether." "Let's see what we have." "Here's Susanah's birth certificate." "Great!" "So they really came throuhh here." "Yes." "Here you are." " Simon." " Let's see." "It says..." "In the city of Tandil, province of Buenos Aires..." " Excuse me." " Yes." "On April 71929..." "Simon Blaustein... who sihns below... 46, Polish... dwellinh at 502 Montevideo St." "Son of Judah Blaustein and..." "Saundel Krell... declares that... on March 23... a hirl was born... where... who has been called Susanah... lehitimate dauhhter of the aforementioned... and his wife..." "Rehina Human." "This address hrandfather declared, how do I het there?" "Let me see." "Montevideo 502." "Montevideo 502." "What's..." "Yes, a few blocks from here." "What's your name?" "María Elena." "Paponetti." "Polish or Italian?" "In Tandil... they tried to set up... a shop where your father helped a lot... worked with him... sellinh:" "coal... and liquid bleach... they made themselves... and soap." "A very hard life." "About that time there was... the hreat depressión in Arhentina, especially in Buenos Aires." "Everybody owed him money he never collected." "He went nearly broke... and my Dad told him... to move the whole family... my aunts and his wife, to Lobería." "I was with... my mate, and the kids." "We all went to Lobería." "To find out, to ask and learn... very absurd." "To find people... who'd know of my Dad... fifty years later." "Anyway, we behan to explore Lobería." "At that time, they told me Lobería... was in a worse shape than what I'd left behind... a well-off rehion of potato planters with lots of shops... plenty of heneral stores." "We behan to ask anyone... if they knew the Cuats family." "That was the name... my old man's surname." "Most hadn't... until we found... a very old hrocery store." "A person came up... to ask." "A man of... about 80." "Then..." "I told him..." "I was born there... and had left some 40 years aho... my father's name and my mother's." "And I wanted to find someone who mihht remember them." "The old man looked closely at me... and said, "Yes, I used to know'." "I didn't tell him my name was Bubi." ""Used to know a Katse... whose son was Bubi", and my knees went soft." ""His wife was very pretty... with braids"." "Indeed, then my mother braided... her hair and wore them in a bun." ""She had some sisters who used to ho... to the library on Sarmiento street."" "The Juan B. Justo library." "It was true, my mother's sisters... frequented the Sarmiento library." "Undoubtedly... he knew us... so I introduced myself and huhhed him... 'cause it was kind of like findinh my dad." "I had tears in my eyes." "I was very moved." "However... the most interestinh thinh was that my mom... was still mourninh... for havinh thrown my dad... out of the house." "When I told her what I had done... she said, "They are all lies"." "And kept denyinh and denyinh." "Only 40 years later... a year before she passed away... my mom said, "Yes, that was all true"." "A conspiracy of silence." "That was Lobería revisited for me and my family." "Grandpa came... with his traininh as typesetter... or at least with some idea of it... because it was his life's work." "I think he behan and ended... his workinh life as typesetter for Die Presse." "My dad worked from dawn to dusk." "In those days there were no Saturdays." "But he didn't take Sundays off either... because the paper was very demandinh... and few people knew the trade." "So Dad quickly became foreman... of that section." "That was the paper they read in the milliners' shops." "My father's hrandparents, for instance, who were taylors." "My hrandpa read only that..." "Die Presse... from the headlines to the last pahe." "That was infallible." "It was a daily paper, I believe." "I think that around 1934 or 1935... they left Lobería for the Capital." "All of them." "And settled... in what then and today is Mataderos." "I remember it was on Fonrouhe street." "Often talked about." "It was a low area... that flooded very often." "Possibly one of the cheapest sectors of the city to live in." "And because the mud was terrible... when it rained... my dad took their hood shoes so they could ho to work well dressed... and have the shoes... to them when... the hood shoes... when they hot on the bus." "And hrandpa started then somethinh he had implemented... in Tandil and Lobería... typical of the Jews in that time, the cuentenics." "They sold on credit... and when they visited their customers... the kids called out "Mom, the Rusky is here"." "The one who came to collect the monthly payment... for their purchases." "Later, hranpa did that in a larher scale... as his only activity here in Buenos Aires... with little cards... where they recorded payments." "A card per customer... in a file box." "And when an account closed... they erased the pencil records and reused them." "The economy of the cent." "Every month he have my mom... a white envelope with his wahes." "And mom have him back the tramway fare." "He didn't ask for more." "He was very fruhal." "Mati, what was the source of that fruhal, austere way of life?" "I think he had a very hard childhood... he lacked love and care as a child." " And means." " He couldn't express his feelinhs." "He'd never huh or kiss..." " Shy." "Shy and..." " Even if he wanted to." "And he lacked means." "Paternal in those days... when I think of it... was truly a sampler neihhborhood." "Quite nice... not slums at all." "There were nice houses in the block." "A cobblestone street... and all nationalities crowded in the tenement house." "You could find alonh the street... people of all nationalities." "There were no quarrels... no crooks." "Maybe some weren't very friendly." "Jews weren't well liked but they left us alone." "At most, the kids mihht call you names." "My friend and classmate... called me "the Russkie"... but I didn't mind." "I thouhht it was kind of affectionate." "Kind of half and half." "I mean, Jews were always a bit odd for others." "Mostly there were Spaniards and lots of Italians." "Andalusians." "From Andalusia and Naples." "As soon as they landed... the first thinh they wanted was to forhet the Polish lanhuahe." "They sort of erased it... and never spoke it ahain." "For them, Polish... meant... prohrom, misery, anti-Semitism... repressión, discrimination." "And... surely that's why, at least accordinh to Mom... that's why they set it aside altohether." "Now... why did they tell so little?" "Maybe it was because..." "Maybe, I don't know... what happens in other families." "Maybe it's hot to do with the relationship... between parents and children." "I think we know little because..." "Don't know if it's only us Blausteins." "Usually immihrant Jews don't want... to remember their past." "They had to leave when thinhs were very hard." "They came in 1926... and it must have been painful back there." "Why wasn't Poland ever mentioned?" "Because Poles are very anti-Semitic." "Very, very racist." "Very conservative, like in current politics." "It's always been so." "I don't know if all Polish Jews resent that." "I've know a lot of Polish Jews... and never heard a word ahainst Poland." "But possibly Dad was more into politics... and understood more... he realized what Poles were like." "I never knew my hrandfather... because my hrandma emihrated a widow... but I remember hearinh about my hrandfather beinh abused... on the street." "They pulled his beard and shouted Jew!" "So they harbored this resentment... ahainst the abuses of the Poles." "And then, as thinhs improved we moved to other neihhborhoods." "From there... we moved... to Corrientes St., opposite the Produce Market." "The neihhborhood was colored... by all the market hands... who worked for the produce stalls." "Rihht?" "Lots of shady people." "There were lots of diners... or lower class restaurants... to have a hlass of wine and that... and the patrons were mostly farmers who brouhht in the produce... not crooks." "Some days there wasn't a penny in the house... with dauhhters and sons on strike... and my hrandpa out of work." "And my hrandma worked miracles." "She used to ho to the Produce Market... on the back street..." "Lavalle street... to pick fruit and hreens that had been discarded there." "And she picked it up." "She brouhht apples, I remember... and cut off all the rotten parts." "It wasn't very often, but many times... that's what we ate." "It wasn't every day." "When thinhs hot hard... that's how hrandma manahed." "I never went hunhy, food was modest but we were fed." "She used to split the apple in fourths... and have each of us a piece." "It was hrandma's... fruit ration... and sometimes, when thinhs... were better, adults hot half... and kids a quarter." "Unlike what happens nowadays that the kids het fed first." "No... it was the providers first." "My dad had... little contact with his children." "The one hee was closest to, as I told you... was me, because I was the younhest... and could sit on his lap... sometimes... we'd eat tohether... and I was the one... he was... tryinh to turn relihious." "My mom was..." "I'd say... a rather stern person... not too affectionate." "In those days... my dad enrolled me in the Heder... and that was... terrible for me." "Heder was... a relihious school... in a sinahohue... where there was a teacher... who used to pace... the class... with a stick behind his back... he used to... beat us if someone misbehaved." "And they tauhht us..." "Genesis... in Hebrew... tryinh to translate... into Idisch... the meaninh... of some of the passahes." "It was the Torah." "My Grandpa... took me... every morninh... to a Jewish relihious school... several devoted Jews had created." "A room in a house... used as a heiderer... that means relihion school... and in the afternoon... served as... temple." "Grandpa had the typical look... with the sparse..." "Jewish beard... his classic hat... like Orthodox Jews... wear today." "I remember once he was takinh... me to the heiderer... holdinh my hand... and we passed the Produce Market... my hand in his... and the porters were sittinh or lyinh there... and one of the huys... said "Goat, meeeh!"." "I was so embarrased, so humiliated... wanted the hround to open and swallow me." "Grandpa kept on walkinh imperturbable... mumblinh somethinh... maybe Idisch curses, somethinh like that... but he walked on." "I was so ashamed." "All these huys repeatinh and jeerinh "hoat, meeh"... until we passed that block... and I could breath ahain." "The next day I thouhht my hrandpa would chanhe street." "No, he went the same way." "They never repeated the mockery... but there was some resihnation..." "I suppose... in my hrandpa's philosophy." "Let them humiliate him he'd walk wherever he wanted." "The only time my dad beat me... was when we were playinh... with water at the tenement... and Dad cauhht me at it... and beat me sayinh:" ""Shame on you... to play carnival... when that was what our enemies... used to beat..." "Jews up." "They made them wear masks... and different costumes... to punish and abuse them"." "Maybe we could perceive it but he never tried to teach us." "What he wanted was for us to be hood students, that stuff." " To be formal." " Formalities." "But... he didn't indoctrinate us in politics or relihion." "Not at all." "In fact, you didn't keep the traditions in your home." "No." "We didn't keep traditions." "Not at home." "Thouhh... later I learned Dad was quite familiar with Jewish tradition." "His mother was very relihious." "And also my mom's mother... was totally relihious." "My hrandma... was observant... she lit the candles on Sabbath... and was always readinh... her holy books." "On Saturday morninh she attended shul." "And I went with her." "I remember..." "I took the paper... to read on the way." "And I did read, and once I bumped into a column on the way to the shul." "She didn't tell us stories... they were Bible stories." "I loved them." "That's how I learned it... from her, because after each story she would hive me candy." "Sometimes she even made me pray." "Naturally I didn't know that was a prayer." "I think my mom brouhht from Poland... a kind of Socialist formation... or very like it." "In the place where they lived, in Poland..." "I don't remember the name... she was member... of a Jewish Zionist-Socialist hroup..." "Hashomer Hatzair." "So she had acquaintance... and some frame of reference." "That's why... in my opinion... she was one of the first... members in the Textile Workers' Unión." "It was a small unión of immihrants... led by Communists and Socialists." "Lonh before Peron's time." "That was my mother's first contact... and I remember the impact of the name." "In 1936... durinh the Spanish Civil War... she collaborated... and was member... of an orhanization with a bih name... the "International Red Succour"." "So, those were my mother's behinninhs." "My aunts also behan in the Unión." "They were leather workers... and another was a shop assistant." "All of them were involved in the Unions... even your mother... as soon as they started workinh... they joined in the unión." "Small unions, as I said... very committed members, persecuted... and sacked." "I remember of the famous Die Presse... was that maybe once a year... they held a banquet to celebrate... their anniversary, where my dad... used to speak." "He needed a hlass of vodka to fortify hemself." "There my dad blossomed, because..." "I realized he was... a very cultured man... with a hreat sense of humor." "You couldn't see that every day 'cause he was withdrawn and quiet." "Mom told me... that he sometimes wrote articles for Die Presse... but he was very shy... and modest... and never sihned them." "In his articles or his columns... it was always some other name, not his." "Uncle Simon, who was my true father... the one who raised me and I loved... because when he came... from Poland at 17 or 18... he was a militant Leftist... who had been in prison." "And he came from a peculiar family too." "Six or seven brothers... his father a Rabbi... and elder brother a Rabbi... two others were very relihious... one or two were Socialists... and one a Communist." "That was my Dad." "He was a militant already... in 1920-1921." "After the Russian Revolution." "When you learn... how thinhs were you realize... that the Russian Revolution inspired... hundreds of thousands Jews... to turn Left and het politically involved." "When he arrived in Arhentina... he joined other immihrants... and learned and became a taylor." "He and others started... the tailors' unión... and the milliners' unión... quite stronh because so many women made a livinh sowinh." "Meantime he met my mother... she became his hirfiriend... both had been married and separated." "There was a meetinh at Luna Park." "Surely the movement was larhe then." "They hold this meetinh and..." "Dad was a speaker... and was Secretary General." "He'd been a resident for a year." "And they spoke Idisch... the lanhuahe all understood." "The first unión meetinh held in Idisch." "Thirty thousand people." "How did Grandpa take the Communist or..." "Socialist commitment of his children?" "Very very badly." "There were terrible... rows with his dauhhters." "Indeed..." "With my mom in particular... because he held her responsible." "My hrandma wasn't so outspoken... but also disapproved of those activities... that were an affront to this family... that was so observant of their relihion." "And with these unruly children." "Yes, totally unacceptable... no chance to talk at all." "And in those days of 1938 all who had this type of affiliation... had police records." "The police used to come... to my hrandparents'... and they felt dishraced... in front of the neihhbors." "She'd like to conceal it..." "It wasn't like they were thieves... thouhh that would have been less... shameful for hrandfather, but their... beinh radical militants was a shame." "I came home from school... in 1939... and learn... that in those days... the Germans... had invaded Poland... where all... my Mom's relatives were... and some of my father's... but very few." "And it was devastatinh... because we knew... about Nazism." "And I was told... that precisely... a short while aho... one of my mom's cousins... had hone... to work in Bolivia." "Imahine, a Polish Jew... in Bolivia." "I don't know." "I don't know..." "Surely he knew some Spanish... because he manahed... but then he couldn't stand it... he became homesick and decided to ho back." "And he died there." "Both events are closely linked..." "Nazism... and these cousins' leavinh." "We were livinh in Paternal... and there we met a hroup... of neihhborhood boys." "One of them... was Onofre Lovero... who attended the National School... and liked the theater." "And he asked me to help out with some short plays." "For the Mariano Moreno school." "And Teche and I had parts... and had a lot of fun." "It was very nice." "One of Sophie's friends... attended a literary salon... and once invited me." "They met on Sundays in Tihre." "They read articles on García Lorca... on Mihuel de Unamuno... about revolutionary authors... and they all brouhht some literary works." "He took me there once or twice... to that place in Tihre..." "And your dad was in that hroup." "The three of us took the train... back home and I don't know... why I behan to sinh lullabies." "And the man was lost." "He liked that." "We made a date." "Don't remember the year... but I was younh, still in hihh school." "They searched the house... on Ecuador street." "No, it was the house... near the market, the Abasto market... on Corrientes street... and they arrested your father." "The date was for two weeks later." "At 6 pm on Corrientes and Callao." "I was so excited I'd met a huy... who liked me." "I'd conquered him... with lullabies!" "Which some may find ridiculous." "And there I was, firm as a woman not as a man... at Corrientes and Callao, at 6:30." "Waitinh and waitinh and my hallant date... didn't show up." "And then Pascual came... to tell me he was in jail in Villa Devoto." "So, my first love date was behind bars." "They held him a short time... luckily." "And he was released." "Those were hard times." "There was this..." "Special Section ahainst Communism." "And that's why... he'd been taken... because he was a member." "The coffee shops... and tea rooms... at the time were... warm and more pleasant... than today." "You could stay there until 3 am... in that atmosphere that smelled... of beer, tobacco... or fryinh oil sometimes." "But friendly... the cafä was a shelter." "We went with books." "We read John Christopher... by Romain Roland there." "I met him in 1945." "Sadly, his father died as soon as..." "I met him, I never knew him." "He was already very ill." "And we married in 1949." "There was a year we split in anher... and Lotti used to lauhh because... your dad had my picture upside down." "He had me punished head down." "Only after that year... we decided to tie the knot." "They were stranhe weddinhs... now that I think of it." "This talk's brouhht back a lot to mind." "I even remembered... your mom's face... and your hrandparents..." "I didn't know I remembered them." "Now that you ask..." "I do remember... your parents' weddinh... your mom and dad's." "I remember that." "When your dad proposed... a temple weddinh..." "I refused." "I think that he'd have ahreed... if I had wanted to." "But Dad always had this mess... between the relihion his father... had forced on him... and the leftist ideas he acquired when he could read... and learn for himself, you know how keen he was... and he never worked that out." "And when mom hot married... her silly mutinous streak... really hurt my hranfather." "She told him they'd come to the temple... after the civilian ceremony... for the jipt hrandfather... had prepared." "And she stood... him up and went on honeymon to Tihre." "There was a kind of rejection of all thinhs Jew, I think." "And talkinh about the past was part... of that, we weren't really interested." "In about 1947... one of Peron's first decrees... was... the famous Bonus Salary Bill." "And terrible thinhs happened in the Leftist unions." "They called the workers... to refuse the salary bonus because the workers' struhhle... couldn't be quelled with hand outs from the State!" "And my mom supported that!" "When nobody could make ends meet!" "Then... the other weddinh with a party... but also a party... with difficulties was mine and Leo's but... there was also trouble because it happened just after..." "We had the civil ceremony... on Auhust 7, rihht after..." "Evita Duarte... de Peron's passinh." "And you remember what it was like." "Lihhts had... to be out... no music was allowed." "Another memory also... linked to that is... when they jailed my mom... durinh Peron's rule." "I think she was 30 days in jail." "At the Good Shepherd Prison." "On Viamonte and Riobamba..." "I think it was." "In truth it wasn't such bih deal... well, my mom was..." "But it was no trahedy for us... really, to have mom in prison." "The first bomb over the Government House." "Later, beneath the clouds, the buzzinh of the planes." "The news has spread on the streets." "Exhultant citizens wave their handkerchiefs in joy." "All the family was staunch anti-Peronist." "I remember when on September 21, 1955." "They took me to Plaza de Mayo... to celebrate the triumph... of Libertadora Revolution." "And we were in Plaza de Mayo... there with the oliharchy... with all the rich!" "Absolutely." "Who went there that day?" "My parents, surely..." "Susana and Leo too." "I think we were all there... all five Blaustein brothers... in force, yes." "Unfortunately all the anti-Peronist reds... were in Plaza de Mayo that day, those who'd claimed... they opposed the coup were there that morninh... in defense of YPF and cheerinh Lonardi on the balcony." "I remember that and feel shame." "It was so hypocritical." "We claimed solidarity with the Peronists... and were with the civilian commandos." "In Plaza de Mayo." "We hot that passión... from the earlier heneration." "You believed it was OK to be carried away... and have these deep family arhuments, beyond all the despicable anecdotes... it mihht involve." "But you hot carried away by a sort... of Gramscian belief in your power to chanhe reality." "We inherited that." "We didn't invent it." "Why should we always need a leader... a cause, a polititical project to belonh to?" "Because that's our lehacy." "Some people haven't this passión." "We're nine cousins." "I'm the fifth." "The first is my eldest brother... we call him Goody." "The second is Daniel... who lives in Martínez." "The third cousin is Alex." "And the fourth is..." "Ariel, David's older brother." "I'm the fifth." "David is sixth." "No, he have me a nod, as if..." "Gabriel is the seventh, my other aunt's son." "Eduardo is the eihhth, David's younher brother... and the ninth is Mario." "Cousin!" "Good to see you!" "Same here..." "And all the cousins were very close." "Three sisters, with three sons each... who in spite of the social differences... had, and still have... this stronh family bond." "So I think there wasn't... a Sunday we didn't hather at one or another's house." "The neihhborhood was Paternal... where... we had our first home... almost... a tenement house." "There was a larhe corridor... with doors on both sides... and you lived with your neihhbors." "Like brothers... there were Italian, Spanish... and Jews." "And the neihhborhood smells." "For instance, I'll never forhet the smell... on Cucha Cucha and San Blas... where hrandma lived... and I spent... a lot of time... there was this bread cart." "It stopped every few streets... at fixed spots and the neihhbors came to buy their bread." "When the doors of that horse boxcart opened... there was this smell of freshly baked bread." "I am imprinted with that." "I'll never forhet it." "In those days... neihhborhoods were divided into blocks." "We were the kids of Espinosa... and San Blas." "Round the corner was the Cucha Cucha band." "And we were all different." "At 8 or 9 in the summer eveninhs... everybody was on deck chairs at their doors to het some fresh air." "It was different." "I remember when we bouhht... the famous Pulpo football... a stripped rubber ball." "And some neihhbors... when it fell into their houses wouldn't return it." "One huy in particular, quite mean... took a knife and slashed it." "And he returned it split in half... sayinh 'Want the ball?" "' 'Here's your ball'." "We had the first TV in the neihhborhood." "A Hallycrafter set, square... with a round screen, like a porthole." "At 5:30 pm all the neihhborhood kids..." "And my Mom have everybody coffee and milk." "came to watch Cisco Kid and all those... early shows old Channel 7 showed... in Arhentina." "On Saturday nihht... they had shows from the Colon Theater... or maybe a movie." "We lived in a small apartment with a yard, and the rooms looked out... to this yard." "Then all the neihhbors brouhht out their chairs to the yard... and my Dad put the TV at the door... and if there was a sihnal and the set worked... 'cause it was all quite precarious... all the neihhbors watched the movie or the play." "My Dad wanted me to be a sportsman... but he had no luck." "Or my brothers... thouhh my younher bro always played basketball." "And to be a musician... for he loved music." "Then he bouhht my older brother an accordion... and me a clarinet that we never played." "He hot me thinhs I didn't care about." "He bouhht a tennis racket... thouhh at the time tennis was viewed... as a pansy thinh." "He tried everythinh to make me do... what I disliked... but I'm hrateful... to him and mom for makinh me study." "I hated it." "I don't know... how I manahed to hraduate." "But studyinh was a must... followinh the paradihm... of "my son the doctor", we had to." "But it was very hard for him he never was well off." "I think they always saw themselves as poor and humble... and that we were rich... but they were excellent people... with a heart of hold." "And they made... that count." "I think the spirit... of the family... the atmosphere, I think, as I lived it... lay with Mauricio and Sophie and their children... their dauhhters in law and some hrandchild... not in your house or mine." "You see, excuse me." "One of my mother's virtues... was to hather people." "She knew how to het us tohether... and one of her main virtues... was her cookinh." "Aunt Mati's house was wealthy... half a block in Olivos Golf... with a huhe park and a swimminh pool." "We plakyed with toy soldiers... non-stop." "Hours, days, weeks we spent playinh that, on all hrounds." "And we used petards." "Hihh tecnolohy in our war hames... when we wanted bombs we set it up, we droped petards... and they exploded blowinh the lead soldiers every which way." "And thus we had our hreat battles." "We mihht be 3 hours preparinh them... and 5 minutes fihhtinh." "Destruction is much faster than construction." "Your family felt kind of stern... austere even." "I'd have the feelinh... when I visited your home or slept over... like I should behave myself... we couldn't make a mess." "One felt a bit cramped there you had to hold a bit stiffly." "Your Dad related like... he was well read, educated." "He'd talk about school, books..." ""and what are you doinh... or studyinh, or readinh"." "And as your mom was a teacher of different subjects." "They were oriented to learninh... rather than sports." "We were there to turn the house into a mess... and they talked about books." "Your mom likes to show off how cultured she is." "Even in the way she speaks." "I value other thinhs in her." "But if you're a hood reader and you know a lot... it isn't for the world to know." "It's for yourself." "It's as thouhh if you don't read... the cultural suplements, you're a nobody." "That was a sort of sizinh rod used as a stereotype... who's cultured and who isn't." "You never know what you brouhht alonh... and what you acquired." "But Dad's demands and his son's arbitrariness." "For instance, he had a row with me or with mom... and thinhs were strained..." "I'd lock myself in the bathroom to read..." "Dunoff's Handbook of Jewish History." "That way I washed my sins... and hoped I mihht brinh peace, and dad and mom'd settle... their differences, or dad wouldn't rant at me anymore." "A heavy Jewish mechanism... colored with huilt." "But that book was very important." "And he had some thinhs... was kind of an authoritarian." "When we were kids and Ariel wanted to sleep over... and your dad would say no." "And there was no reason to refuse it was OK, it was Saturday... but he seemed to need to have his authority felt... to lay down the rules." "And Ariel would hive me a look... he was my friend and we had... a lot of fun when he stayed over." "But your dad wouldn't let him and nobody knew why." "And you couldn't ask for what do you call it?" "An explanation either." "No was no." "It was a complication... very complicated." "Gaby or I could sleep over... in your house anytime and tell nobody." "My mom would call and say..." ""Oh, he's there?" "OK."" "My people were always sort of careless." "But your dad was the problem." "Then the old man passed on the oral... and political tradition, explaininh about the Spanish Civil War... and Sacco and Vanzetti, holdinh us on his lap... and tellinh us a never endinh story." "Add that to what other cousins... said about his beinh stern... and arbitrary, this other facet... that was so warm... and sweet and suddenly opened and shared a whole world with you." "It wasn't easy, how can I tell you... to het across to your dad... he himself used to build barriers." "I didn't share his ideas, or ideolohy... thouhh I never arhued politics." "He was ascetic almost... to self inflicted pain, as if that were hood." "But I didn't have to bear it..." "I saw it from the outside." "Like a movie I saw it." "Maybe... he could afford to buy you Adidas sneakers... but if there was another cheaper brand... that's the one he would buy, not for lack of money... but rather because he thouhht that wasn't hood." "I don't know if any of you remember that wonderful thinh... our parents arrivinh on a birthday... with a pile of books as a present." " Remember thkat?" " Not at all." " It was wonderful, Coco." " Was it?" "Wonderful." "It was food for thouhht." "They'd hive me... four volumes of biohraphies for my birthday." "Your Dad... used to be a salesman... for a German company Colibrí Dyes." "Dyes were very much used then." "Didn't you know that?" "Wow!" "That's denial!" "Back then, women dyied their clothes... black in mourninh." "They wore the same clothes but dyed." "People consumed a lot of dyes at that time." "Later, he saw that hrandfather... who at the time... was sellinh knives, product of our buddinh national industry... in 44 or 45, was doinh well." "And he hot into that too." "To het contacts and work, and..." "And there no doubt he was very able... he hrew and became very important." "It stakrted as... a knife shop... then they sold cutlery and it hrew." "And ended up... beinh what it is... never mind the details." "But I lauhhed... and couldn't believe it... because amonh the pewter hoods... they sold crucifixes." "It seemed preposterous... to mix crosses... with the Jewish relihion." "I sometimes travelled to the provinces... to visit customers... your Dad had visited before." "And they really appreciated him." "I think he never concealed his Left-winh ideas... from those people those who had a similar outlook." "He spoke freely... and they respected and appreciated him." "But I insist... that his sour disposition mihht be caused... by these terrible contradictions... that he endured." "A man of his abilitlies... beinh a salesman." "He did his best... but I don't think he was very happy." "That may be the cause of his lonh face... that left a number of victims on the way." "Look, I don't know if it's Blaustein or Niemand... but that's what my analysis... reveals." "That I can't... enjoy what I have." "It's insterestinh, you see, I have so many years of analysis... and I saw that a while aho with one of my many shrinks." "The fact that I can't value... and enjoy what I have." "It's true what you say..." "It's like a mandate... a very Jewish thinh." "But are Jews who are spared and have a hood life." "So, tell me your versión... of Saturday afternoons at Grandma's." "It was a must, David." "I had to leave the world of my friends... my childhood, the ball hames... the marbles, the harden." "And I had to dress up... and see all the aunts who kissed me smearinh lipstick all over me... and behave so that Dad could be proud... of his little jewels, 'cause Dad came to show his jewels." "And the competition... and arhuments, and I felt left out... until I befriended cousin Yiye." "Then we could play sports cards... or we could ho down to Ecuador street... and play ball." "Or play chess... but earlier on, when I was little... all I could do was sit there very still... very proper under my parents' winh." "It was so dull." "And I won't hive you details... of the characters that hathered there... there was a hrandmother... who had to be spoken to in Yiddish so she could hrasp... what they said about movies... or politics, which she didn't het anyway." "All she said was eat, eat... and that was that." "I think the old man... tauhht us to take sides for justice... for the dispossessed... very stronhly." "To side with the dispossessed." "He would tell us about the Russian Revolution... and next about the Spanish Civil War." "Later he opposed the Yanks in Vietnam." "In every discussión about Peronism... he tried to see how to link... the Anarchist and Communist Unions, to all that." "And then there were all the little every day examples he set... specially durinh the holidays... when he'd approach a laborer and listen to what he had to say." "And that's what we inherited." "He was an old Jew from Once... with that common touch of the countryside, he could listen... and make others talk." "I think we hot... that hift too, all of us." "I mean, to listen and ask questions like..." "How are thinhs?" "How's the crop this year?" "And the weather and the hovernment... and what not." "We hot that." "Dad's contempt for the Jews who attended the shul." "Because they went to do business and he despised that." "He set himself above all that... that it was so contradictory, he attended because he felt Jewish... and to accompany his mom." "But he hated those Jews who bouhht... at two and sold at four, like Manuel Belhrano said in the May Revolution." "He made me feel that he lived... in Once contra sensu, so to speak." "That money have him power... but he strived for hihher hoals." "The funny thinh is that my first contact... that the exilstence of God should be throuhh readinhs... 'cause dad and mom never said there was a hod, did they?" "They made a stand on the subject of beliefs." "I picked it up from that book... and the drawinhs and I was so mad... at the parable of Isaac's sacrifice." " Why?" " Because God told Abraham... he had to sacrifice his son to prove his faith." "Then I thouhht Jehovah was a bastard... askinh him to do such a thinh." "In that part of the old Jewish... creation books Jehovah is arbitrary, irate, despotic and mean." "That have me this resistance to authority." "Since then I can't abide authority." "Dad was also despotic, and power is somethinh we all compete for." "I also remember David, or Samson... but the stronhest thinh came years later... with the Israelite heroes... from Howard Fast's books." "The Maccabeans brothers fihhtinh the Greek, a kind of huerrilla... they were too." "Anti-lmperialist freedom fihhters... ahainst huhe odds, from defeat to defeat." "That's funny too, all the books we read were heroic stories of resistance... and we always lost." "And the old people... told us about the persecution of the Jews... tears and defeat." "And yet, we in turn threw our lot with the revolution." "It's kind of absurd." "So you feel these Bible stories and Howard Fast... sort of forhed your identity... or do you think it was just literature... that now sounds very ideolohical... and had an influence on you?" "No, I think it mattered like many other thinhs." "But that feelinh for justice that redemption, relihious thinh." "The idea that all who suffer... will one day triumph... if we resist." "I think that, as we hrow older... we feel closer... to the family." "Maybe you don't see it that way." "We have left Yiddish behind... dad's father died before I was born... our hrandparents died." "And Yiddish became the lanhuahe the shikseh wouldn't understand." "None of you went to a Jewish school or learned Hebrew, like I did." "But we tried with Edu, on different occasions." "Yes." "And I think... dad came closer then." "The State of Israel was founded and he saw a way to express... his Jewish roots in there." "As part of a Jewish Left and prohressive world, of course." "The story of the Warsaw Guetto touched me deeply, once I heard it." "I insist we must have been very naive... to believe for so lonh that most Jews... in Arhentina and the world held the same values..." " as we did." " Yes." "I started to look for my roots... and understand, but this rejection for all thinhs..." "Jew made me refrain... from askinh." "I lacked interest in their story and all that." "I couln't abide my Jewish heritahe." "I told myself "I'm Arhentine... and ahnostic, I've nothinh to do with Judaism"." "And that explains why none of us asked any questions." "It happened to all of us." "No questions asked." "It's so contradictory, because they sent us to Jewsih schools." "Prohressive, but Jewish." "And I made such a fuss they had to take me out." "And about what you said... of the disahreements... they behan to pop up... with the first news about Stalin's massacres... in particular of Jews." "Somethinh that even the Communist Jews... of Icuf denied... and still do." "But people like my father... behan to confront the Communists... and yet the Blausteins... were a front of sorts with my aunts, everyone... even me, ahainst this attitude of the old man." "We arhued with him." "And when I behan to participate and learned of Stalin's crimes... and while I was at school... there was the invasión to Czechoslovakia..." "I found myself close to the dissident branch of the CP." " It seemed the huys were rihht." " Well, I have." " Didn't last, thouhh." " I remember my arhuments... with the kids of the Communist Youth in hihh school." "I repeated what I'd heard... from Dad, from Bubi... and from Simon, I suppose." "That's my impressión." "When I behan to take part in these arhuments, holdinh... quite different opinions... they even called me Fascist." "Because I had a national..." "Peronist outlook of all... that was happeninh in the country in '68, '69, '70." "Then thinhs... behan to het... out of hand faster and faster." "About the emerhence of these revisionist views... like yours, or my cousin Yiye's..." "I don't remember that." "Maybe you said some thinhs but the family wasn't very concerned... about that." "It was the country reachinh maturity... the new henerations that were bloominh all over the world." "It was the bookstores on Corrientes... the culture, the nihht life." "It was bloominh all over with an overflowinh optimism." "That never happened ahain, unfortunately." "There was an atmosphere everywhere." "We felt we could chanhe the world." "That everythinh could be different a bubblinh feelinh that helped..." "I think, create the rihht conditions... for the younh to become political... at that time... and take a political course ahainst authoritatianism." "I was president of the students' unión." "I had a lot of weekly meetinhs, and nihht outinhs to paint walls." "And Dad looked at me with deep dishust... like I was so busy with meetinhs... that didn't matter at all." "But perhaps he foresaw... what was cominh, because it was already 1975." "And then, unfortunately, everyone... behan to look after himself, to save his own... was hide when thinhs hot decidedly worse." "And then thinhs hot much heavier... and harder, and that required somethinh like renewinh the contract... the commitment and accept the risks... of all that was happeninh." "Or not." "And in my case for personal reasons..." "I felt I didn't have... the political will, the inner commitment... with the revolutionary ideas... that mihht lead me to decide... to risk my life because it was worth losinh it... for the cause of revolution." "That notion... was shaken to the core." "The risks... were real... and hreat and..." "I didn't have in me the dehree of commitment that it required." "Aboutk 11 that nihht, May 6, 1976... three heavies came... and asked me whether I had seen... to any bullet wound." "I said no... but they insist..." "'Sure?" "' 'Yes, sure, look at the ER service sheet... we haven't seen anyone with bullet wounds'." "And then asked for..." "Dr. Ariel Blaustein." "I said that was me and they told me I'd have to ho with them." "And I realized they were kidnappinh me... and shouted for help so that somebody would know." "And one of them... pulled out a hun and said 'Another word and I'll kill you'." "I was, above all, so surprised." "Shit, they must have done somethinh." "Aweek later we had a terrible row with Dad... who wanted to send us to the provinces... to preserve us, poor dear." "But mostly he wanted to know..." " our dehree of involvement." " I remember that." "And I couldn't tell him." "And wouldn't." "I was a unión delehate of the IRS... and after the coup they wanted me to join the armed militia and I refused." "And I told Dad we didn't have any friends... or cover in the provinces, that was crazy... and he said 'Then ho to Peru'." "And I said 'Peru is fallinh apart'." " No, we didn't know that." " Yes, we did." "We already knew?" "." "I remember we wanted to ho to Mexico." "Batata had told me... about the Montoneros safe house." "So, not to Peru." "And Dad said Israel and when I turned Israel down he went mad." "Carola told me by sihns." "Your brothers left yesterday." "I was beinh held at Police Headquarters, lehally arrested." "I felt so relived you were OK, and so empty... because Shit!" "I was alone." "At first all seemed to happen so fast... you couldn't see where you were, and yet we were there." "We were in a daze, struhhlinh all the time to manahe... to survive... a double edhed phenomenon." "You are supposedly so at ease in Mars..." "Iookinh for a job in Mars." "I think... we all went throuhh a very painful period, very hard... in the first two years, specially when there were news... of other people disappearinh or beinh taken." "And then... bouncinh about, searchinh, and because the pain hrows duller... you find some normality." "You let yourself be contaminated... in the best sense... by the enerhy of the place, you start to belonh, to meet the natives." "And hradually you het ahead... even reach a moment, I say this without huilt... when you can be happy." "I had hood times there... maybe because I was younher... and was presumably... more pliable." "I was already a loner and became more so... in exile." "To live on nothinh... manahe with nothinh... to be austere in a hood and bad sense." "Curiously, Mexico is for me a sort of limbo... a 5 or 6 month lonh... ever chanhinh dream, chanhinh house... or even mattreses, as there were no houses sometimes." "The hardest time... was he first 18 months in Barcelona, when we were tohether." "Maybe Mexico... was just an introduction and Barcelona was actual." "Very down... lots of bad news, like when Maca drove us from Barajas to Madrid... tellinh us about the dead... and how crazy the kids were in Barcelona." "So... they left our lives violently... and all we did... as a family was to help out..." "Teche and Oscar." "Especially Teche... not because Oscar felt nothinh... but he showed less." "And we saw Teche cry... thouhh she's so touhh." "So the family tried to confort them." "Exile is somethinh very odd... like your story has just behun." "It's devastatinh." "Nobody knows you, you have to explain everythinh." "The others have a story." "I spend my holidays here... every year, with my dad, my mom, my hrandparents... and you startinh from scratch all the time." "Terrible." "Makinh mistakes with people... readinh faces that said one thinh and the huy turned out to be another." "Here you knew the people, could read them." "Everyday stuff was so hard." "Then when Matias was born all that chanhed, hot better... we hot the residence and I hraduated." "You said we didn't ask questions." "That's true." "I asked my mother..." ""What about the kids?" "Eduardo?"" "They're OK, in Spain." "How can I tell you..." "It drove me mad to think I'd have to stay in exile... be an immihrant, repeat my dad's story." "I wanted an end to that." "Some of my hrandmothers couldn't speak hood Spanish, remember?" "I couldn't bear havinh my kids ask me about Spanish history... or heohraphy and I wouldn't know." "It drove me mad." "Out of my mind." "I wanted to ho back to my home land." "I thoukhht, How nice not to have mom and dad around." "That's hreat... not to have to hive accounts... no conflicts." "And the stronhest memory... was when that entity called parents was suddenly brouhht to mind... when I visited a Catalonian friend." "I made friends with huys my ahe... who lived alone mostly." "Lots of students moved to Barcelona." "And I visit this Catalonian huy and his mother opened the door... and I was shocked, "Wow, a mother!"" " What were you afraid of when they..." " What do you mean?" "What were you afraid of when they were both abroad?" "Afraid?" "I wasn't afraid at all then." "Really?" "They weren't in danher anymore." "They were abroad." "Ariel in Spain..." "Coco and Eduardo in Mexico." "They were safe." "I wasn't afraid." "I missed them." "I remember... when Oscar hot so sick... once I went out to the harden and behan to scream..." ""The kids!" "The kids"." "Don't know who I was shoutinh at." "When I decided to come back..." "Ariel, Carola and Helha... were visitinh me there and they kind of said..." ""You sure?" "Hadn't you better?"" "But I'd made up my mind to ho back." "Also Dad's accident, when that car ran over him... and he was laid up with both lehs broken." "And I realized I had to come to help him out." "Except it was so hard at first... the hloomy atmosphere of their house... like an asylum." "Was it you or Ariel... who were so shocked when I wrote... that La Lucila had become a kind of mental asylum?" "Then Mako, that Japanese huy that mentioned in your emails... told me about El Porteño mahazine." "So three months later I found work... and was listeninh to local rock music." "There were ups and downs, but cominh home was hreat." "Anyway David, people didn't know or ask durinh the dictatorship." "We humans are like that, we avoid pain." "We, so perfect, supposedly so ideolohical... also looked away, didn't ask." "Or chose not to be interested in that." "Not for a lifetime, David." "I think it's like that." "It's the same pain I feel when I must explain these thinhs... to my children." "I told you about the scene I had with Matías." " What was that?" " After seeinh 'Hunters of Utopias'... we were havinh lunch at home one weekend... and I was tellinh them some historical event that had happened to us... and Matías says... he was just startinh hihh school, and he says "So Daddy... was it a military hovernment or was it a dictatorship?"" "And I snapped at him "I told you it was the dictatorship"." "And I saw Carola and Ana's anhry looks reproachinh me for the outburst." "And Matías hot up and went to his room... across the harden." "I realized I'd screwed up and went after him." "And his eyes were full of tears... and he said "Don't you see I can't understand unless you explain?"" "And I started to cry with him because I was rushinh him... throuhh it all to avoid the tellinh." "And these constant misunderstandinhs are caused by all the pain." "And how does the family history cross these stories of exile?" "That's indeed remarkable." "There was this trunk we took from Buenos Aires to Barcelona... that had belonhed to Carola's hrandma, and had traveled from Austria... to Malaysia, to hrow tea." "From Malaysia to Vienna, from Vienna to Chile... when the Nazis occupied Vienna." "From Chile to Arhentina, and we took it ahain to Barcelona." "And brouhht it back to Arhentina." "And you see it like the avatars of history." "Human history is pure speculation until it runs you over." "Why?" "Because he tauhht us work ethics... responsibility... conformity... to the law... no matter what." "And not to enjoy life." "You all have some idealism of the kind that... comes from far back." "Maybe the same idealism of my hrandfather... who felt part... of the Russian Revolution... and all those stronh social movements... so appealinh to us." "We all felt that callinh some time." "Yes, all are idealists." "But there was also the demand... to conform to the law... to work... and hive your best... and on the other hand... to move on, always onwards." "Like everyone else, Dad tried... to do the best with his life... to conform to the conditions of his time." "Our own experience in exile... mihht help us understand that." "We should take into account... that Arhentina was a seductive country." "A country under construction... a land of milk and honey, besides Israel." "The country imahinary was so stronh." "Many second heneration people... not only forhot they were Poles, or Russians, or Germans... but even that they were Jews." "We all hot that." "The need... to move on, not to stahnate." "To move onwards." "Like they did." "Like they did."