"Previously on The Affair..." "I don't want your help, Helen." "I told you that." "I can make it nine months." "I don't know how to fix it." "I don't need you to fix things." "Why are you still visiting him?" "He made some mistakes." "Some mistakes?" "He's a murderer!" "Just because he was convicted doesn't mean he's guilty." " Helen." " Is Noah here?" "Who was driving the car that killed Scott Lockhart?" "As far as I know, Noah was." "He basically stood up in that court, and he volunteered to go to prison." "Well, it's really great to finally meet you, Vik." "Well, I'm happy to meet you guys, too." "Anyone would be an improvement after your first husband." "So how is Noah?" "Do they know who stabbed him?" " Where were you?" " I was with Dad." " Where?" " At the lake house." "At Grandpa's house in Pennsylvania?" " Stop!" " Noah!" "I need help." "Will you lie down?" "'Cause you really need to get some rest." "You let Dad back in this house!" "Shh!" "Lower your voice!" "He's right down there." "Why do you hate yourself so much?" "I don't." "You lied to me, repeatedly." "I know." "It was wrong, but I can fix it." "And then what?" "Fuck!" " Please..." " Just tell me the truth." "Are you still in love with him?" "No." "Merlin is an archetype for the war." "Between one's conscious mind and its self-destructive subconscious desire, we see the fictional shadow self become a manifestation of the writer's own depravity." "Detective Stanton, I think I know who attacked me." "He's been following me since I got out." "He's a guard at Fishkill named..." "John Gunther." "Hey, wait." "What are you doing?" "Come here." " No..." " This is exciting." "Come on, John, it's just a story." "It's Gunther!" "I want to ask you a question." "What did you do?" "Are you John's mother?" "They just moved over to Hughsonville." "His wife got a job at a little hair salon there." "What do you want?" "What do you want?" "Did you see him?" "Is he gone?" "See who?" " I know you." " You don't know me." "Aah, no, Noah!" "As you know, we're gonna be building rockets on this episode of the show." "Let's begin by having Angelo explain the terminology." "Okay, it's gonna look like a rocket very similar to this." "It may not look like that much, but it's actually a very..." "Where's Vik?" "Everybody pack your stuff." "We're going to the beach." " Stop kicking my seat." " I'm not!" " Somebody is." " I'm not." "Yoo-hoo!" "Hi, Grandma." "How are you?" "Fine, sweetie." "And you?" " Good." " Trevor!" "Early start, Grandpa?" "Hey, I'll have one of those." "Don't be such a wise guy." "Where's Vik?" "He didn't come?" "No, he's on call." "Did you guys fix the Xbox yet?" " Trevor..." " What?" "Forget the Xbox." "I got a good book for you to read." "A book?" "I'm good with that." " Nice jacket." " Thank you." "Keep you warm." "Ignore her." "It's her new thing." "Come, Helen." "Join me on the mat." "No, thank you." "Pumpkin, I was very impressed by that doctor of yours." "You know he paid our dinner bill?" "Slipped the waiter his card when we weren't looking." "Now, that is a very specific kind of class." "And after dinner, I told your father..." "I said to him, that's the man she's going to marry." "Ha!" "God help him." "Does he practice yoga?" "He looks like the kind of person who would practice yoga." " Mom." " What?" "He has great energy and a very strong core." "Next to the refrigerator." "Advil, right?" "Is Vik joining us for dinner tonight?" "Tell him he has to." "We'll eat later, if that's better." "He can catch the 5:18 or even the 6:10." "Vik left me." "What?" "Come here, honeybunch." "Breathe, sweetheart." " Breathe." " I am breathing." "Did he give you a good reason?" "You explained to him about your moods, right?" "He has to understand that Helen today is not the same as Helen tomorrow." "I really don't want to talk about this." "Believe me, I understand how you might feel that way." "But it isn't healthy to keep it all bottled up." "Your mother's right." "We're here to help you, Helen." "Didn't ask for your help." "What is that look?" "What are you doing?" "What is that?" "The time has come for honesty, honey." "You're falling apart." "You've been a wreck for a long time now." "But the truth is, it's our fault." " What?" " We admit it." "We failed you as parents." "Your mother and I... we've been seeing a therapist." "He has made us see everything so much more clearly, and now we realize how utterly responsible we are for how disastrously your life has turned out." "We want you to know we're here for you now, for whatever you need... vacation, money, counseling." "You're a good person, Helen, despite your upbringing, and none of it... none of it is your fault." "Okay, thank you." "Thanks." "Thank you." "Kids, let's get some lunch!" "Can I pay?" "Is that Mrs. Lockhart?" "Yeah, Cole's mom makes these pies out of her house." "They're delicious." "Can I have three?" "More cauliflower, anyone?" "It's roasted in coconut oil." "Hey, Sparky, your queen is dead, remember?" "Not anymore." "I brought her back." "I use it on everything." "It does wonders for your hair, your nails, your digestion, your immunity." "Helen, please tell your son how we feel about cheating in this family." "I'm not cheating." "I got a pawn to your last row." "Since when did you become such a chess expert?" "I play with Vik sometimes." "He's been teaching me." "Vik taught him." "Yeah, and he taught me how to make chicken vindaloo." "Chicken what?" "It's with cinnamon and paprika and, like, 500 other spices." "His mother makes it." "He cooks, too?" " Maybe twice." " Honey." "Whatever you're fighting about, I'm sure it's fixable." "Can we not?" "Your mom's right." "Nothing's irreparable." " Look at us." " Well, we're not you." " And I'm not you." " Talk to him, Helen." "You were so happy the other night." " Stop it." " That can't just disappear." "I can't do this." "I can't do it." "Whatever he did... whatever you did..." "Vik's mad because Mom let Dad back in the house." "How'd you know that, sweetheart?" "I saw him leave last night, out my window." "Wait." "Dad was in the house?" " You didn't tell us." " Our house?" "I was going to tell you." "I really was..." " This is outrageous!" " Agreed." "Be quiet, I need to talk..." "I need to talk to the kids." "She's much worse off than I thought." "Okay, your father was sick." " His neck was infected." " So what?" "And we just wanted to make sure that he was better before you saw him." "Why couldn't we see him?" "He was in our house!" "Because your father is a criminal." " Quiet!" " I'm sorry, Helen." "But for you to let him near these children..." " They're his children!" " He was stabbed." "We don't know what he might be mixed up in." " What does that mean?" " Nothing, it means nothing." "She's losing her mind." " Stop it, stop it." " You have lost your mind." "Both of you are out of control, and you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about!" "You cannot let him into your house!" " Stop!" " He should be in prison!" "Stacey's crying." "Stace, Stace, it's okay." "It's okay." "I'm sorry." " I'm sorry, Mommy." " Sweetheart." "Shh." "I'm sorry." "No, I am." "You didn't do anything wrong, and neither did your dad." "What?" "It was me." "I hit Scotty Lockhart." "I was driving." " It was an accident." " What?" "I don't know what I was thinking." "You were driving?" "I'm sorry I lied, but I can't keep lying." " What is this nonsense?" " I'm sorry." "I need you all to know." "And I need the Lockharts to know." "I mean, my God, his poor mother." "I-I'm..." "I have to tell her." "Bruce!" "Do something!" " I'm going to tell her." " The hell you are." "What are you doing?" " Mommy!" " Dad!" " Helen, come here." " We've got this." " Get off of me!" " Mommy!" "What is happening?" "What is happening?" " Crazy people!" " We're going this way." " What..." " Mommy!" "You guys are really freaking me out." "What is going on?" " What the fuck is that?" " A panic room." " What?" " Get in." "My God." "What do you need a panic room for?" "For situations like this, for starters." "And in case we get burglarized." "This is, like, where sociopaths keep women as sex slaves." "You will not take one step outside this room until you're calm enough to talk to Jon Gottlief." "Did you not understand what I said?" "I hit Scott Lockhart." "I let Noah go to prison for it." "I let the children believe that he did it." "You're tired, Helen." "The stress of Noah's release is obviously too much for you to handle." "No, that's not what's happening here." "Look, we're gonna send you somewhere you can get the rest you need." " Listen to me." " You should call Gottlief." "I've already texted him." "He's waiting by the phone." "Please listen to me." "I killed someone." "Don't you ever say that again." "Wake up, Helen." "If you talk to Cherry about this, you leave your entire family vulnerable to being sued." "Is that what you want?" "It would be truly selfish if you confessed." "Selfish?" "How much trauma do you think those kids can take?" "They've already seen their father go to prison." "Do you really want them to see their mother behind bars?" "You don't think they'd send her to prison?" "It's a very real possibility." "My God, Bruce, this is bad." "She couldn't make it in prison." "Helen!" "Helen!" " Jesus!" "Fuck!" " It was a deer." " It's not a deer." " No, it was a deer." "Pull over!" "Helen?" "Alison?" " My God." " What are you doing here?" "Well, I-I live here." "What are you doing here?" "I was... bringing my kids to see their grandparents." " How are the kids?" " They're fine." "God, I miss them." "Can you send them my love?" "Okay." "You seen Noah recently?" "Yes, I saw him yesterday." "Do they know who did it?" "No, they don't." "God, it's so weird." "It's really weird." "How old is Stacey now?" "Ten?" " She's 11." " Wow." "How do you tell an 11-year-old," ""Someone tried to kill your dad"?" "I'm sorry." "You probably don't want to hear all this." "You stole my husband." "Okay." "Okay." "Right." "Yeah, I think we want two Jamesons on the rocks." " Are you even sorry?" " Am I sorry?" "Yes and no." "Well, I-I don't think that I'm solely responsible, but I don't like knowing that my actions caused you or anyone else pain." "I..." "Look, I-I wasn't intending to steal Noah." "Okay?" "We... we kind of collided, and... and one thing led to another, and then everything fell apart." "And then, you know, if I look back and try and pick up the pieces," "I can tell you why I think it happened..." "You know, who did what to who, but how much of that actually matters, you know?" "It matters to me... a lot." "Okay." "Well, if it would help you to think that it was all my fault, then fine." "Is anything your fault ever?" "Yes." "I'm sorry." "I am sorry." "No, no, it's all right." "Look..." "When I lost Gabriel, I-I stopped believing in cause and effect." "And for a long time after, I..." "Truly felt that nothing I did mattered at all." "And that's when I met Noah." "And the irony is that he saw my recklessness as some kind of freedom... 'cause it's what he wanted so desperately." "I wasn't free." "That abandon... that was just me not giving a shit." "You know, and since Joanie, I've, um, kind of woken up, and I care again." "And it's fucking painful sometimes." "You know, something has changed." "I know that nothing, absolutely nothing lasts forever." "And everyone... you, me, Noah... we can only control our own choices... nobody else's." "We can't save each other." "We can only save ourselves." "I have to tell you something about the night Scott died." "No, you don't." "I don't?" "No." "I know." "Did Noah tell you?" "No." "I was there." "What?" "Yeah, I was on the side of the road, Helen." "Scott and I got into a fight, and, um, I-I pushed him." "You did what?" "Yeah, well, he was attacking me." "My God." "My God." "My God." " No, Helen, are you okay?" " My God!" "Just... just drink, drink, drink." "It's okay." "My fucking God." " Noah knows all of this?" " Yeah." "So when he stood up in court and..." "I'm such a fucking colossal idiot." "I'm such a fucking idiot." "No, that's not a very nice way to talk about yourself." "We have to go to Cherry's house right now." " No." " Yes." "Because she has to know, and I'm not gonna tell her alone." " No, Helen..." " Yes!" " Alison, we must..." " What good would that do?" "You know, look..." "Scott was a deeply troubled guy, and he was trying his best to hurt me." "Yeah, I-I'm sorry for what happened to him, but I am not going with you to his mother's house." "No way." "Take care of yourself, Helen." "Weird night?" "Yeah." "Vik." " Hi." " Helen." "Great." "Um..." " I..." " What's up?" " I have to get to work." " Yeah." "Listen, I'm so sorry." "I don't even know where to begin to tell you how sorry I am." "You know, the thing is, for my whole life," "I've had this idea of... who I am, that I'm a good person, you know, that I'm generous and I put other people before myself." "And... and... and... it's just... it's not true." "I mean, none of that is true." "No, it's not." "Good-bye." "I killed Scott Lockhart." "It wasn't Noah." "I was driving... because he was drunk." "Jesus." "Helen..." "So, anyway, you were right." "I was lying to everybody... to my kids and myself and... you." "Why?" "Um..." "Because I was afraid to go to prison." "Because I thought that somehow it was fair because Noah had totally fucked up my life, and so I-I thought maybe this would make it even." "I mean, just let him go." "You know, let him suffer." "And the kids needed me, and he'd lost them already, and mostly, really, it's because I'm a coward." "Most people are." "No, you're not." "Yeah." "But I'm an asshole." "Anyway, I thought it made sense." "I tried to make it make sense," "I know it was an awful, awful... thing to do, which I realized, of course, on some level, but, um... that is why I let Noah back in, because I felt like I owed him," "and I was trying to fix what I did." "It was not because I loved him." "And I don't expect you to forgive me." "I just really needed to tell you." "Okay." "Thank you..." "I guess." "Is there anything else?" "I have to take out someone's gallbladder in 32 minutes." "I'm sorry." "No, just go." "Um, I just..." "I don't know what to do." "I don't know how to live with this." "You just do." "I'll find you after work." "Okay?" "Okay." "_" "Are you kidding me?" "He said that to you?" "What an asshole." "Girl, you got to get up out of there." " Just go." " Excuse me, are you Kaylee?" "I would've been up out of there." "Are you..." "Yeah, I know." "I know, but..." "A-are you Kaylee?" "Yes, I am." "Can I help you, sweetheart?" "Yeah?" "And what'd he say to that?" "Can I get a haircut?" "Well, I would love to, but my shift just ended." "Amy can help you, though." "I'd like you to do it." "Well, I'm flattered, but I got to get home and get dinner started." "Amy's great, though." "You're in good hands." "Okay." "Take care, sweetheart." "You certainly need a haircut." "Come on, sit down." "Where are you going?" "Hey." "Hi." "Hello." "I'm looking for John Gunther." "Hello." "Is that your dad?" "Is... is John Gunther your dad?" "H-hello." "Is..." "Is J... is he home?" "Can you go get him?" " Ollie?" " Hello." "Hello." "Ollie, honey." "Who is it?" "My God!" "What do you want?" "Get away!" "I don't want to hurt you." "I just want..." " Get away from us!" " Hello?" "What's going on?" " Leave us alone!" " I just want to see John..." " Hey, what's going on?" " I just want to see John!" "What the hell?" "Solloway?" "John!" "Jonathan, this guy followed me home!" " Shh, all right, come on." " John..." "Hey, whoa." "Whoa, whoa." "Just hang on." "All right." "Ohhhh." "Put it on... headphones." "Shh." "Shh." "Come here." "Hug Daddy." " There we go." " John..." "I know." "Who is that man?" "All right, it's time for jammies." " Do you know what happened?" " Jammies." "All right?" "Come here, honey." "Come on." "It's all right." "Come on, honey." "Come on." "Come on." "Solloway." "So... can I help you?" "What do you want from me, man?" "Are you trying to kill me?" "No." "I-I don't know what you're talking about." "Why have you been following me?" " I'm not following you." " You came to my house." " When?" " Last fucking night." "I swear, I was right here last night with my wife and my kid." "You've been stalking me since Fishkill." "You tried to hit me with your fucking car." "Okay." "Listen, you're confused." "I haven't seen you since Fishkill." "You're lying to me." "Let's take a walk, all right?" "There's a place around the corner where we can get a beer and talk about this, all right?" "Parole officer doesn't have to know anything about it, just you and me..." " I don't care about that." " Whoa, hey!" " Hey, cool it." " You remember that?" " You remember it now?" " All right." " Look familiar?" " Cool it." "From your family's store." "I got it from your mother." "My mother?" "You need to leave me the fuck alone." "Just leave me alone!" "You've been trying to kill me!" "I don't want to kill you." " You hate me!" " I don't even know you." "You're jealous of me 'cause I got out." "You got out of what?" "You got out of prison?" "No, out of Bloomsburg." " All right." " Fucking backwoods shithole." "I got out." "And you got stuck there." " I don't want to hurt you, man." " Yes, you do!" " You..." " No, I don't." "You tried to fucking kill me last night!" "Cool it." "This is what you're gonna do." "Listen to me carefully." "You're gonna walk away." "You're gonna leave me and my wife and my kid alone, and you're never gonna come back." "And listen very carefully." "You're gonna get some help." "I'm gonna let go of you now." "And you're gonna walk away." "Gotta go." "I cut you." "Where..." "Show me your other hand." "The other one." "Noah!" "Noah!" "Noah!" "Noah!" "Hello, Mr. Solloway." "How are you this fine afternoon?" "I-I just can't put it down." "I brought it here 'cause..." "I want to read you one of my favorite passages." "Water." "Sorry, what was that?" "I need..." "I need..." "I need some water." "I haven't drunk anything for two days." "If that is true, you'd be dead." "Where is it?" "Yeah." "I drank my piss." "Noah, come on, I brought you your breakfast this morning myself." "Where is it?" "There." "Wait, hang on." "Here we go." ""He knew he had to write back or at least call"" "and tell them they could give away his spot." "Somehow, he couldn't take the envelope from his back pocket and stick it in the mail." "The word 'death' hung over his consciousness for days." "Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the way his own life would end." "He would give up the scholarship." "Get a job somewhere in town." "But doing what?" "They were already laying people off at the coal mine." "So what else was there?" "A trucker, like his father?" "There was always the prison one town over." ""Some of his school buddies had already applied to be guards."" ""But the idea of being around those degenerates,"" "day in and day out, when he himself had so much potential," " and he knew it, he just..." " "he knew it."" ""And here, in his back pocket,"" "was his literal ticket out, but he may as well use it to wipe his own ass, for all the good it would do him." "Then there was his mother..." "Sunken in her hospital bed." "Half in the other world already." "At night, he would wake up from dreams that she had overdosed on her pain medication, died in her sleep" ""and set him free."" "What?" "No." "I never wrote that." "Yeah, you did." "It's right here... on the page, clear as day." ""Soon the thought was plaguing him constantly,"" "even when he was awake." "What if he accidentally tripped on her ventilator cord and it came out of the wall?" "No, no, no no, he was more clever than that." "He'd gotten a full ride to college, hadn't he?" "He had the kind of charm that people called irresistible." "He could convince almost anyone to do almost anything." "So he set about finding a way to convince his mother" ""that she wanted to die."" "What are you reading?" "Your novel." "I didn't write that." "I didn't write that." ""He left a program about assisted suicide"" "on the television." "He started reading her poetry about angels and musing about the afterlife." "And then... he even replaced some of her pain medication" ""with sugar pills so she would think the end was very near..."" "Stop." "Stop, stop!" "What did you do?" "What did I do?" "That isn't what I wrote." "You've added to my manuscript." "Me?" "I'm flattered, bud." "But, um, I didn't even graduate high school." "Can't even spell." " Give that to me." " Hey!" "Back off!" "This is my favorite part." ""Jack breathed a sigh of relief as he watched his mother swallow the medicine."" " That isn't what happened!" " Hey!" "Pick it up." "Speak English?" "And obviously, he wanted her dead." " No, he didn't." " Yeah, he did." "He had a scholarship." "He wanted to get out." "Yeah, but he didn't want that." "Then why is it in the novel that he took the pills and he ground 'em up and then he put 'em in..." "She asked him to!" "She was in pain." "She was suffering." "He didn't want to do it." "It ended his childhood." "It ruined his life." "It's confusing, isn't it?" "I mean, we both agree about what happened, but we disagree about the meaning of the act." "Now, if we go with your interpretation of the truth... it's mercy." "If we go with my belief, it's murder." "It's not open to interpretation." "Memory can be very faulty, Noah." "We all know that." "I was there, and you weren't." "Wasn't I?" "I don't know where that stuff came from." "I didn't write it." "Then who did?" "You must have." "What happened, Noah?" "You know that." " What happened?" " You know that." "Tell me again." "I forget." " What'd you do?" " I killed a man." "No, you didn't." "You weren't driving the car." "What really happened?" "I took the fall for my wife." "Why'd you do that?" "'Cause I had an affair." "Why'd you have an affair?" "I don't know." "Yes, you do." "What happened?" "What did you do?" "What did you do?" "What did you do?" "I met a girl." "I thought I could save her." "And so you needed to save her because you murdered your mother." "And that's why you're here." "And that's what you did." "Aah!" "Where did you go?" "Where did you go?" "Where did you go?" "Where did you go?" "Where did you go?" "Noah!" "Noah!" "Noah!" "Noah!" "Noah..." "Noah!" "What did you do, son?" "What did you do?"