"WE'RE ALL ALONE NO CHAPERONE" "CAN'T GET OUR NUMBER" "THE WORLD'S IN SLUMBER" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "THERE'S SOMETHING WILD ABOUT YOU CHILD" "THAT'S SO CONTAGIOUS" "LET'S BE OUTRAGEOUS" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "WHEN ADAM WON EVE'S HAND" "HE WOULDN'T STAND FOR TEASIN'" "HE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THOSE APPLES OUT OF SEASON" "THEY SAY THE SPRING MEANS JUST ONE THING" "TO LITTLE LOVE BIRDS" "WE'RE NOT ABOVE BIRDS" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "IF YOU'D BE JUST SO SWEET AND ONLY MEET YOUR FATE DEAR" "T'WOULD BE THE GREAT EVENT OF 1928 DEAR" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "WELL." "A MOST EXCELLENT FEAST." "HEAR, HEAR." "SOON WE WILL RETIRE TO THE ROYAL BEDCHAMBER." "BUT FIRST, AS I HAVE BEEN VICTORIOUS THIS WEEK IN BATTLE" "NO, NO" "I WISH TO BE AMUSED." "BRING ME MY FOOL." "GOOD EVENING, YOUR MAJESTY." "IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK HERE AT THE PALACE." "YOU KNOW WHAT THE PALACE IS" " THAT'S 24 LIVING ROOMS AND A DUNGEON." "BUT SERIOUSLY," "I LOVE THE KING." "HE'S ONE OF THE STRONGEST MEN HERE, ISN'T HE?" "HE'S THE ONLY ONE AMONGST US THAT CAN SWIM THE MOAT LENGTHWISE." "I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE." "I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING." "BUT SERIOUSLY, LADIES AND GERMS," "I WANT TO SAY THAT, UH, THAT PLAGUE IS REALLY SOMETHING, ISN'T IT?" "DOESN'T EVERYTHING LOOK BLACK?" "'CAUSE IT'S A BLACK- A BLACK PLAGUE." "SAVE IT UP AND LET ME HEAR IT AT THE END, BIG." "AND I LOVE THE NEW EXERCISE HIS MAJESTY DOES TO KEEP IN SHAPE." "IT'S CALLED TAXING THE PEASANTS." "BUT SERIOUSLY, THE BEST THING" "I CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER." "HE'S NOT FUNNY." "I'VE CUT MEN IN HALF FOR MAKING JOKES AS BAD AS THAT." "BUT SIRE- GET ME A FOOL WHO'S FUNNY!" "GO ON." "THE FEAST IS OVER." "NOT FUNNY." "GO ON." "OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT." "I DO A COUPLE OF IMPRESSIONS THAT YOU MIGHT LIKE." "YOU KNOW, I'M ONE OF THE FEW GUYS THAT CAN DO THE KING OF FRANCE." "NOT HIS VOICE, HIS WALK." "SOMETIMES, IF YOU EVER NOTICED, HE'LL HAVE THAT FUNNY MOTION WHEN HE WALKS." "YOU KNOW, A LITTLE BIT TO THE SIDE." "HE'S GOT A KIND OF" "DON'T EVERYBODY BURST INTO SPONTANEOUS APPLAUSE ON THIS." " LOOK WHERE THOU GOEST, FOOL!" " FORGIVE ME, MADAM." "I BEG YOUR PUBERTY." "BEG IT NOT, FOR THOU HAST DROPPED THE ROYAL RUBIES AND EMERALDS ON FLOOR." "YES, I FAIN WOULDST PICK IT UP AND WOULDST PIN IT AND FAIN WELL ON THY FAIN." "MY PIN?" "YES, EXTEND THY FAIN, MADAM." "AND I THEREFORE ON THE KNOCKER IT HANGS" " PERFECT." "DIDST I FEEL ARIGHT?" "OR DIDST I FEEL THAT THY TWO HANDS DID" "UPON MY ROYAL BODY- COP A FEEL?" "OH, MADAM." "NOT I, SURELY, WOULD NEVER LAY HANDS..." "ON THE ROYAL TOMATOES IN MIXED COMPANY." "TOMATOES?" "HEARKEN TO ME." "IF MY HUSBAND THE KING, AND MY SON THE DOCTOR..." "WALKETH NEAR UPON THESE PAVED PATHS..." "AND HEARETH WHAT THOU SAYEST ABOUT COPPING A FEEL," "THY LIFE WOULD NOT BE WORTH A PLUG NICKEL." "BUT MADAM, SO BEAUTIFUL DO THEY LAY THERE, ONE ON EITHER SIDE." "EITHER SIDE?" "THAT'S THE WAY THEY WERE MADE." "AWAY WITH THEE." "A MATCHED SET." "I FELL ON MY BELLS." "T.B. OR NOT T.B.?" "THAT IS THE CONGESTION." "CONSUMPTION BE DONE ABOUT IT?" "OF COUGH, OF COUGH." "OH, JESUS." "MY JOKES GROW STALE." "I WOULD MY LIFE TAKE FOR A BARE BODKIN." "IF ONLY I COULD SEE THE QUEEN'S BARE BODKIN." "OR ANYBODY'S BARE BODKIN, FOR THAT MATTER." "OR A BODKIN WITH A LITTLE CLOTHES ON IT, EVEN." "I'M SO MELANCHOLY." "GUILDENSTERN AND ROSENCRANTZ ARE DEAD." "THEIR TAILOR SHOP IS CLOSED." "FELIX." "WHO CALLS MY NAME?" "FELIX." "NO ONE KNOWS I'M HERE, NOT EVEN MY SERVICE." "I AM THE GHOST OF THY FATHER." "OH, MY FATHER." "YOU, WHO DIED IN CHILDBIRTH." "I CANNOT REST..." "UNLESS THEE MAKES IT WITH THE QUEEN." "BUT SHE IS A QUEEN AND I AM A BASEBORN FOOL." "I CAN'T SCREW ABOVE MY STATION." "YOU MUST KNOW, MY SON," "THAT THY UNCLE," "THY FATHER," "POURED HEMLOCK IN MY EAR." "WHY?" "DON'T ASK ME WHY." "HE DOES THAT WITH EVERYBODY." "WHENEVER HE SEES AN EAR," "HE LIKES TO POUR HEMLOCK IN IT." "FATHER." "SEE THE SORCERER, MY SON." "THE SORCERER." "HE'S GONE." "DO I DARE SLEEP WITH THE QUEEN?" "AND WILL SHE SLEEP WITH ME?" "ALTHOUGH SHE SLEEPS WITH THE KING AND HE WEARS LEOTARDS." "THE SORCERER." "AH." "AN APHRODISIAC." "DO YOU WANT A SOFT ONE?" "A STRONG ONE?" "OR ONE THAT WILL MMMMMM?" "I'D LIKE ANYTHING I CAN GET WITHOUT A PRESCRIPTION." "THIS, PLACED SOFTLY..." "IN THE QUEEN'S DRINK," "WILL MAKE HER BLOOD BOIL," "HER PASSION UNBRIDLED," "LUSTFUL." "IN OTHER WORDS- THE HOTS FOR ME." "EXACTLY." "BUT BE CAUTIOUS." "FOR IF HIS MAJESTY SHOULD GET WIND OF THY INTENT," "HE WILL CUT OFF YOUR LEGS," "YOUR ARMS," "AND YOUR HEAD." "WELL, FIVE OUT OF SIX IS NOT BAD." "NOW GO." "YES." "I THINK YOUR EGGS ARE DONE." "HALT." "WHO GOES THERE?" "IT'S JUST THE FOOL." "WHAT BUSINESS HAVE YOU NEAR THE ROYAL CHAMBER, FOOL?" "WELL, I WAS JUST BRINGING HER MAJESTY HER ORANGE JUICE." "BUT WHY YOU?" "WHERE IS HER USUAL SERVANT?" "HE LIES ILL ON THE..." "KITCHEN FLOOR..." "WITH A POX" "A TERRIBLE POX ALL OVER HIS SOCKS, AND A" "GET THEE HENCE, FOOL." "YES, I'M GETTING HENCE." "GETTING HENCE." "IMMEDIATELY, I" "DID YOU LIKE THE WAY I FOOLED THESE GUYS?" "NAY, FOOL." "WHAT DOST THOU IN MY CHAMBER?" "MADAM, I FELL BY FOR PERCHANCE YOU MIGHT LIKE A DRINK" " A NICE SOOTHING POTION." "AY, WELL, I DO CONFESS A THIRST." "BRINGST TO ME." "YES-ST, WOULDST GRAB SOME OF THIS POTION BEFORE THE FIZZ GOES OUT." "ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?" "MMM." "IT BUBBLETH GREATLY." "WOLFST IT DOWN, MILADY." "CHEERS-ST." "AND ROEBUCK." "IT GO DOWN BUBBLEST, BUT IT'S-ST FINE." "TAKEST AWAY." "WELL, HAVE TO GO BACK NOW TO THE DUNGEON, THE" "THERE'S A- GET A DEPOSIT ON THE GOBLET." "WAIT." "FOOL, COME HERE." "I HAVE ON ME..." "THIS EXTRAORDINARY WARMTH THAT IS FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS..." "THAT MAKES ME WISH- NAY LONGST" "THAT THOU SHOULD RUN AMOK OVER MY ENTIRE BODY," "AND MAKE LOVE TO ME NOW- RAVAGE ME AND TAKE ME NOW." "TAKE ME." "IT'LL BE MY PLEASURE." "TAKE ME NOW TO THE BED AND MAKE LOVE TO ME NOW." "TO THE BED." "YES, TO THE BED." "LEAD ME THERE, FOOL, YES, I AM." "FOR THIS PASSION GROWETH WITHIN ME." "RIGHT, RIGHT." "COME QUICKLY." "I CANNOT WALK FAST, FOOL." "THE PASSION IS SO GREAT." "RIGHT." "WE'LL GET YOU RIGHT INTO THE BED." "OVER HERE." "THE POTION WILL BE UNDER THE PILLOW," "SO IN CASE YOU LOSE YOUR HOTS, WE CAN REFURBISH THEM." "AY, COMST." "OH." "OH, GOD." "RUN THY HANDS UPON MY BODY." "I SHALL." "I SHALL REALIGN YOUR BRAKES." "OH." "AH, NAY." "I NEEDST THE FEEL OF NAKED FLESH AGAINST FLESH." "I'M ALL OUT OF NAKED FLESH, OH." "BUT WILL THE VELVET DO?" "KISS ME QUICK." "YES, WHERE IS YOUR QUICK?" "CANST UNDRESS ME NOW." "I'M KISSING MY OWN ARM." "YES." "I'LL MOVE QUICKLY, AND I'LL REMOVE THE ROYAL DRESS." "OH, GOD." "OH, GOD." "PULLEST NOT UPON ME SO." "ON THY FEET, FOOL." "THIS IS NOT MOCKERY." "THIS IS NOT GAMES." "OH, GOD." "PULL." "AT LAST- WHAT'S THIS?" "HEAVY UNDERWEAR." "'TIS THE CHASTITY BELT THAT THE JEALOUS KING HATH FASTENED ON ME," "THAT NO MAN BUT HIM SHALLST HAVEST THE GOODS-ST OF THE BODY." "THAT'S A BAD BREAK FOR ALL OF US HERE AT THE PALACE." "WAIT." "WAIT HERE." "I WILL GO." "YES." "HERE, NOW, WITH MOST GRIEVOUS DISPATCH," "I WILL OPEN THE LATCH," "AND GET TO HER SNATCH." "I THINK- I HOPE" " AY." "THIS KEY IS TOO BIG FOR THAT LOCK." "UH." "AH." "JUST-JUST" " PERHAPS" "AH." "SORRY ABOUT THAT." "I MUST THINK OF SOMETHING QUICKLY BECAUSE, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT," "THE RENAISSANCE WILL BE HERE AND WE'LL ALL BE PAINTING." "HER MAJESTY WISHES TO BORROW THIS." "WHAT?" "YEAH." "SHE HAS SOME FOOD STUCK BETWEEN HER TEETH," "AND I NEED TO PULL IT OUT." "FORGIVE ME, IT'LL- AH!" "AH." "NO." "AH." "THIS IS WHAT I CALL BEAVER SHOOTING." "WOULDST PICK THIS LOCK." "THERE." "WE DID IT. 'TIS DONE." "AND NOW I AM YOURS." "YES." "AT LAST, THE PORTALS OF ECSTASY." "YOU HAVE GOT PORTALS OF ECSTASY, HAVEN'T YOU?" "BE PREPARED." "HIS MAJESTY HAS THIS DAY BEEN AWAKENED FROM HIS NAP BY A LOUD BANGING." "WHAT?" "HE WILL CLEAVE THEE IN TWAIN." "YES, CLEAVE ME IN TWAIN." "TWAIN OVER HERE AND THE OTHER TWAIN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM." "AY, ON-ONST CHOPPING BLOCK." "YES, I DO NOT LOOK GOOD IN TWAIN." "MY SUITS ARE ALL MADE FOR A WHOLE PERSON." "NAY, THAT I SHALL NOT HAVE THIS PASSION FULFILLED." "WELL QUICKLY LOCK UP THE- THE THING THAT YOU HAVE THERE." "LOCK THE ROYAL BOX." "QUICKLY, QUICKLY, BEFORE" "HELP-HELP ME." "I'M-ST HELPING, BUT" "AY, 'TIS DONE. 'TIS DONE." "PERFECT." "LOCKED SOLID, MORE SOLID THAN ANY" "M" " MY HAND IS CAUGHT IN THE CHASTITY BELT." "I ALWAYS GET MY HAND IN THE COOKIE JAR, SO TO SPEAK." "I HEAR THE KING APPROACH." "WHAT SHALLST WE DO?" "THE KING?" "YES." "QUICKLY, QUICKLY INTO THE DRESS IMMEDIATELY." "MY QUEEN!" "WHERE IS MY QUEEN?" "REMAIN CASUAL, AS THOUGH NOTHING HAD HAPPENED." "AY." "MY QUEEN!" "SO." "OH, MY QUEEN, A MOST DREADFUL POUNDING DID AWAKEN ME," "MAKING MY MOOD MOST FOUL." "OH, MY LORD DIDST STARTLE ME." "AY, MILORD." "BE A GOOD KING, WOULDST THOU," "AND RUN DOWN AND GET ME A DRINK OF WATER." "OH, THE FOOL HATH MADE MOST JESTFULLY QUIPPING IN THINE ABSENCE." "TICKLING THE ROYAL FUNNY BONE, SO TO SPEAK." "AY, BE-BECAUSE IT IS MOST LONELY WHEN THOU NAPPEST." "AY, MILORD." "FOR ME TOO." "I STILL DON'T THINK HE'S FUNNY." "I'VE GOT SOME NEW ONES FOR YOU, MILORD." "WHAT-WHAT'S BLACK AND WHITE, BLACK AND WHITE, BLACK AND WHITE AND BLACK AND WHITE?" "A NUN FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS." "COME, GIVE ME A KISS." "OF COURSE, MILORD." "STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE." "NOT YOU, HER!" "CEASE FROM THINE" " NOW BE GONE THEN." "NO, NO." "LEAVING." "I WILL" " I WILL ACCOMPANY THEE TO THE DOOR." "AT LAST." "AT LAST, WE ARE ALONE." "AY, MY LORD." "NAY, NAY" " COME, COME TO ME." "MY LORD, I WOULDST- AH, NAY." "...ON THE BED." "THE KEY." "I MUST FIND THE KEY." "WHERE IS IT?" "AHH, HERE IT IS." "IT TICKLES." "OH." "AY, MILORD." "REMEMBER IF YOU SAID THAT IF I WAS EVER IN TOWN," "I SHOULD LOOK UP YOUR WIFE?" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT EVERYBODY'S GETTING SO UPSET FOR." "I NEVER HUMPED HER, YOU KNOW." "I" "JUST CLEAN UP MY NECK A LITTLE AND LEAVE THE TOP FULL." "GIVE ME A GOOD "AH." AH." "AH." "AH." "...DOWN THIS SIDE OF MY ARM, MOSTLY AT NIGHT." "I DON'T NOTICE AS MUCH IN THE DAYTIME, BUT AT NIGHT IT BOTHERS ME." "HOW FAR UP" " I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU" " BUT HOW FAR CAN YOU RAISE IT?" "MR. MILOS, WOULD YOU COME WITH ME, PLEASE?" "COME IN, MR. MILOS." "COME IN." "SIT DOWN RIGHT OVER HERE." "I JUST WANT TO GET SOME HISTORY ON YOU FIRST." "SO." "YOUR NAME IS?" "STAVROS MILOS." "AND YOUR ADDRESS?" "ARMENIA." "ARMENIA?" "I AM FROM ARMENIA." "I AM VISITING MY BROTHER." "I SEE." "UH, OCCUPATION?" "SHEPHERD." "A SHEPHERD?" "MY WHOLE FAMILY." "EXCEPT FOR MY BROTHER OVER HERE WHO IS A RUG SALESMAN." "HAVE YOU HAD ANY MAJOR ILLNESSES?" "NO." "NONE." "GOOD." "SO." "NOW, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE?" " I'M IN LOVE WITH A SHEEP." " I BEG YOUR PARDON?" "I AM IN LOVE WITH A SHEEP." "OH, I SEE." "SEE, DOCTOR, UP THERE IN THE MOUNTAINS WHERE I TEND MY FLOCKS," "IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL UNDER THE STARRY SKIES AND I AM ALONE." "AND SOMETIMES IT GETS SO LONELY." "AND THE HOURS PASS." "AND SOON I DESIRE A WOMAN." "BUT DOCTOR, THERE ARE NO WOMEN." "I'M NOT MARRIED AND" "WELL, ONE NIGHT, LAST SUMMER," "I COULD STAND IT NO LONGER." "MY BODY NEEDED TO BE SATISFIED." "AND THEN, I SAW HER." "HER?" " DAISY." " A SHEEP?" "I TOOK DAISY OFF TO A LITTLE COVE," "AND THERE, UNDER THE ARMENIAN SKY, HAD SEXUAL INTERCOURSE." "WITH THE SHEEP?" "NATURALLY." "OH, GOD." "IT WAS THE GREATEST LAY I EVER HAD." "MR. MILOS," "FORGIVE ME IF I..." "SEEMED AT ALL SHOCKED." "I'M SORRY." "DOCTOR, MRS. GOLDBLATT IS ON THE PHONE ABOUT HER RUPTURE." "LATER, LATER." "UH, MR. MILOS." "OF COURSE I'M HAPPY FOR THE TWO OF YOU," "BUT, UH, I DO HAVE OTHER PATIENTS," "AND UNLESS THERE'S SOME SPECIFIC WAY..." "THAT I COULD HELP YOU" "DOCTOR, DOCTOR, PLEASE." "ONE MINUTE." "SEE, THE POINT IS," "SHE NO LONGER LOVES ME." "THAT'S WHY I'M HERE" "BECAUSE SHE'S FALLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH ME." "HOW CAN YOU TELL THAT?" "OH, LITTLE THINGS." "SHE'S COLD, INDIFFERENT." "SPEAK TO HER." "SHE WILL LISTEN TO YOU." "MR. MILOS, YOU ARE..." "CRAZY." "I BROUGHT HER ALL THE WAY FROM ARMENIA." "MY BROTHER SAYS YOU ARE A GREAT DOCTOR." "YOU SAVED HIS LIFE ONCE." "YOU NEED A PSYCHIATRIST." "I AM A MEDICAL DOCTOR." "SPEAK TO HER, PLEASE." "I CAN'T TALK TO A SHEEP." "ARE YOU NUTS?" "SHE'S OUTSIDE IN MY BROTHER'S TRUCK." "WOULD YOU GET OUT OF MY OFFICE, PLEASE?" "I'M AN M.D., I'M NOT A VETERINARIAN." "I'LL BRING HER IN." "DON'T BRING ANY SHEEP IN THIS OFFICE." "MY MOTHER JUST GOT FINISHED PAYING FOR IT." "DOCTOR, I AM A SIMPLE MAN." "I AM NO GREAT MAN OF WISDOM." "MY BROTHER SAYS YOU ARE A GREAT MAN." "I'M NOT." "I" " I'M JUST AN ORDINARY G.P." "THAT'S ALL I AM." "I'LL GET HER." "NO." "MR. MILOS, WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND," "IT'S NOT NORMAL TO EXPERIENCE MATURE LOVE..." "FOR ANYTHING WITH FOUR LEGS." "WAIT TILL YOU MEET HER." "I DON'T BELIEVE THIS." "DOCTOR, I CAN'T." "THE PRESCRIPTION YOU GAVE ME LAST WEEK ISN'T WORKING." "I CAN'T." "I CAN'T." "I'M SORRY." "I CAN'T." "WOULD YOU SIT DOWN?" "WOULD YOU SIT DOWN, MRS." "I CAN'T." "I'LL TALK WITH" "DR. ROSS, THIS IS DAISY." "OH, GOOD." "UH." "WHY DON'T YOU TAKE HER RIGHT INTO MY OFFICE?" "YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME." "HIS SHEEP HAS..." "A STREP THROAT." "MR. MILOS, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL THE POLICE." "CAN WE TALK FOR A MINUTE?" "MR. MILOS, DON'T PUT THAT SHEEP ON MY DESK, PLEASE." "YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT." "YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT." "ISN'T DAISY BEAUTIFUL?" "YES, SHE IS BEAUTIFUL." "MR. MILOS, YOU'RE A VERY NICE MAN." "I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GET INTO ANY TROUBLE." "WHAT I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND IS THAT..." "YOU HAVE..." "A, UH, PSYCHIATRIC PROBLEM." "YOU REALLY NEED TO SEE A" "SOMEONE IN THE- IN THE, UH, PSYCHIATRY FIELD." "I'M A MEDICAL DOCTOR." "UH." "I KNOW YOU DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM..." "BRINGING THIS SHEEP IN HERE, BUT" "I HAVE PATIENTS, YOU KNOW," "WITH KIDNEY PROBLEMS AND..." "HEART PROBLEMS AND..." "SEEING A SHEEP JUST LIKE THAT, IT'S" "HELLO, DAISY." "SHE'S SO..." "WONDERFUL." "I'M, UH," "I'M DR. ROSS." "DOUG ROSS." "SHE'S" "UH." "MR. MILOS, I, UH," "I'D LIKE TO SEE THE TWO OF YOU AGAIN," "BUT RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW, MY OFFICE IS JAMMED FULL." "OH, I KNEW YOU COULD HELP." "I KNEW" " THANK YOU, DOCTOR." "AS A MATTER OF FACT, UH," "IF I COULD SEE DAISY ALONE," "MAYBE, YOU KNOW, I" "ANYTHING, ANYTHING." "DARLING, WHAT'S THE MATTER?" "NOTHING." "I'M JUST A LITTLE TIRED, THAT'S ALL." "WHY DON'T YOU TURN IN EARLY THEN, HMM?" " WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" " OH, JUST NOTHING." "YOU'RE NOT DOING "JUST NOTHING," YOU'RE FONDLING YOUR LAMB'S WOOL SWEATER." "I WAS NOT FONDLING MY LAMB'S WOOL SWEATER." "WHAT WOULD I DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT FOR?" "WELL, GOD KNOWS." "DOCTOR." "MR. MILOS BROUGHT IN HIS SHEEP." "SHE'S HERE?" "ALL RIGHT." "SHOW HER IN." "THANK YOU." "YOU CAN GO." "HI." "DARLING." "I KNOW THIS MUST ALL SEEM VERY STRANGE TO YOU." "YOU FROM THE HILLS OF ARMENIA, AND ME FROM JACKSON HEIGHTS." "AND YET," "I THINK IT COULD WORK," "IF WE GAVE IT A CHANCE." "A ROOM, PLEASE." "OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "WAIT A SECOND." "HERE YOU ARE." "OH, UH." "DO YOU WANT THE "DO NOT DISTURB" SIGN ON THE DOOR?" "OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT." "I" "UH, ALL RIGHT." "YES." "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "UH, ROOM SERVICE, THIS IS DR. ROSS IN ROOM 525." "I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SOME CHILLED WHITE BURGUNDY," "A LITTLE CAVIAR," "AND SOME GRASS." "OH, JUST PLAIN, GREEN GRASS." "THAT'S 525." "THANK YOU." "DAISY." "LITTLE DAISY." "LET'S BE GENTLE." "I'M, UH" "I CAN'T" "I'M EXHAUSTED." "BOY." "THAT WAS REALLY SOMETHING." "I NEVER THOUGHT IT COULD BE LIKE THIS" "NEVER IN MY WILDEST IMAGINATION." "YOU'RE REALLY SOMETHING SPECIAL." "I LOVE OUR L-SHAPED ROOM." "I'LL NEVER FORGET THESE AFTERNOONS WE'VE HAD." "I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER KNOWN SUCH PEACE AND HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE." "I HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY." "SORRY." "I'M SORRY, HONEY." "I WAS OUT WHEN YOU HAD PHONED." "EMERGENCY HOUSE CALL." "MMM." "YOU SMELL GOOD." "DARLING." "HM?" "IS IT MY IMAGINATION, OR DO YOU ALWAYS SMELL FROM LAMB CHOPS?" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN "LAMB CHOPS"?" "WHAT KIND OF SILLY THING IS THAT TO SAY ABOUT LAMB CHOPS?" "HOW COULD I POSSIBLY SMELL OF LAMB CHOPS?" "IT'S NOT LOGICAL." "WHAT KIND OF CHEAP SUIT IS THIS?" "THAT'S IT WITH THESE SUITS." "ANN, WAIT A MINUTE." "I CAN EXPLAIN." "WE'RE JUST FRIENDS." "HOW COULD YOU?" "THIS IS MRS. BENCOURSE, ONE OF MY PATIENTS." "SHE THINKS SHE'S A SHEEP." "THAT'S ALL." "THERE'S NOTHING TO IT." "THE DEFENDANT DID COMMIT AN ADULTEROUS ACT WITH A SHEEP." "IT'S MOST DISTASTEFUL IN VIEW OF THE FACT..." "THAT THE SHEEP WAS UNDER 18 YEARS OLD." "SO WHAT?" "SO ANN'S LEFT ME." "SO SHE'S TAKEN ALL MY MONEY" "ALL MY SAVINGS." "MY LICENCE HAS BEEN REVOKED." "BUT I DON'T CARE." "IF YOU'RE WILLING," "WE'LL GET BY SOMEHOW." "I'LL GET A JOB." "I DON'T KNOW." "EXCUSE ME." "WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR AN HOUR, WOULD YOU PLEASE WAIT ON US?" "I DIDN'T ORDER THE CAKE." "THAT'S WHAT I ORDERED." "HERE." "WAITER, I ORDERED THE SALAD BAR." "I DIDN'T ORDER A CAKE." "WAITER, HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT?" "WAIT, WAIT, WAIT." "WAITER!" "DON'T CALL ME WAITER!" "I'M A DOCTOR!" "YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?" "I'M NOT A WAITER!" "I AM A DOCTOR!" "DON'T CALL ME WAITER!" "I AM A DOCTOR!" "AH." "SAY "AH."" "COME HERE." "SPREAD YOUR LEGS APART." "COULDN'T YOU AT LEAST NOT HAVE EATEN THIS MORNING?" "ISN'T THAT WHAT I TOLD" " WHAT KIND OF A MESS IS THAT IN THERE?" "DAISY?" "DAISY?" "HONEY?" ""I HAVE FINALLY SAVED UP ENOUGH MONEY..." ""TO COME BACK TO AMERICA, AND TAKE MY DAISY HOME." ""YOU DID A TERRIBLE THING TO ME." ""BUT NOW I'VE TAKEN DAISY TO THE MOUNTAINS AGAIN..." ""WHERE YOU WILL NEVER FIND HER." "STAVROS MILOS."" "DO WE HAVE TO GET THERE THAT EARLY?" "WHERE IS IT WRITTEN THAT WE GET" " OH, SAM." "IT'S JULIE'S FIANCE'S PARENTS." "YOU WANT TO BE LATE?" "LISTEN, TESS." "HM?" "I HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING WELL LATELY." "OH, COME ON, DARLING." "IT'S JUST PSYCHOSOMATIC." "A TENSION HEADACHE BY YOU IS PSYCHOSOMATIC." "ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU'VE BECOME A PSYCHIATRIST?" "OH, STOP COMPLAINING, SAM." "IT'S ALVIN'S PARENTS SO IT'S AN OBLIGATION." "AN OBLIGATION." "LOOK, SAM, I DON'T LIKE THEM ANY MORE THAN YOU DO." "OR SHALL I SAY IT'S THEM THAT LOOK DOWN THEIR NOSES AT US, HUH?" "LISTEN, I HEARD THAT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?" "YOU'RE BOTH A LITTLE PARANOID." "ALVIN'S PARENTS ARE LOVELY PEOPLE." "THEY LIKE BOTH OF YOU VERY MUCH." "THAT'S WHAT I CALL A LAWN." "NICE, CLIPPED." "NOT LIKE MY HOUSE- OVERGROWN." "WHO'S YOUR GARDENER?" "ME, ME." "YOU'RE THE GARDENER?" "OF COURSE." "YOU'RE NOT." "DID YOU SEE THE ROSES, SAM?" "EXCUSE ME." "WHERE ARE YOU GOING, SAM?" "TO THE BATHROOM." "IT'S UPSTAIRS, FIRST DOOR TO THE LEFT." "YES, WE PREFER BERMUDA TO..." "PUERTO RICO, LET'S SAY." "IT'S MUCH NICER." "OF COURSE, I LIKE" "I ENJOY WEARING A FORMAL GOWN ONCE IN A WHILE." "BUT WHEN I'M ON VACATION," "I LIKE TO RELAX AND WEAR SLACKS," "OR LITTLE SKIRTS AND BLOUSES," "AND SWEET LITTLE HATS." "WE, UH" " YOUR HUSBAND AND I HAD QUITE A TALK." "HE'S A VERY, UH, GENTLE MAN, VERY INTERESTING." "I'D LOVE TO." "I'VE NEVER SEEN WOOD CARVINGS." "I MEAN" " WELL, AFRICAN HEADS AND WE PICKED THEM UP IN, UH" "BIMINI." "BIMINI." "WE GOT THEM FOR A STEAL." "YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE PRICE WE PAID FOR THEM." "YOU WANT WOOD CARVINGS?" "I'LL SHOW YOU WOOD CARVINGS." "TELL HER." "YOU SIMPLY MUST SEE THESE." "THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENT." "GEORGE." "YES, DEAR." "THEY'RE ON THE TOP SHELF IN THE CLOSET." "I JUST REMEMBERED." "THE CLOSET OR THE BUREAU?" "THE TOP SHELF IN THE CLOSET." "I JUST REMEMBERED." "THE TOP SHELF?" "RIGHT." "YOU KNOW, BIMINI IS A FREE PORT," "AND WE GOT A MARVELOUS BUY ON THEM." "FROM BIMINI." "THE BAHAMAS." "OH?" "BEAUTIFUL, HUH?" "UH, YES." "LOOK AT THAT." "LOOK AT THAT DETAIL." "THEY'RE VERY INTERESTING." "I'D LIKE YOUR HUSBAND TO SEE THIS." "THIEF!" "PURSE SNATCHER!" "HELP!" "HELP!" "GET HIM!" "OH, MY GOD!" "YOU KNOW, I'M WONDERING..." "WHAT COULD BE TAKING SAM SO LONG." "WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME JUST FOR A SECOND?" "CERTAINLY." " ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, LADY?" "IT'S NOTHING." "IT'S JUST ANOTHER CRIME-IN-THE-STREET THING." "IT'S AN EVERYDAY HAPPENING." "IT JUST HAPPENED TO ME." "IT'S" "YOU'RE REALLY LUCKY." "LUCKY?" "YES, HE COULD HAVE REALLY INJURED YOU." "WELL, I DON'T KNOW." "SURE." "I COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD." "RIGHT." "ABSOLUTELY." "DID YOU HAVE ANY VALUABLES IN YOUR PURSE?" "NO, I DON'T THINK SO." "YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHY I'M WEARING" "I GOT A COLD." "IT'S DRIPPING AND, YOU KNOW, OH." "I DON'T FEEL GOOD ALTOGETHER, YOU KNOW." "THESE YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY." "WHAT CAN YOU DO?" "WHAT CAN YOU DO?" "IT'S THE SOCIETY WE'RE LIVING IN." "WELL, DON'T MAKE A FUSS." "SAM, WHAT DID YOU DO, FALL IN?" "ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?" "OFFICER, THERE WAS A BAG STOLEN." "ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT." "WHO'S THE LADY WHOSE PURSE WAS SNATCHED?" "IT'S PERFECTLY OKAY, OFFICER." "I FORGIVE THE LITTLE RASCAL." "I'M SORRY, BUT I'LL HAVE TO FILL OUT A REPORT SHEET." "I DON'T WANT TO PRESS CHARGES." "REALLY, YOU SILLY." "WHAT'S ALL THE EXCITEMENT ABOUT, ALVIN?" "THERE'S A CROWD..." "AND POLICE." "POLICE?" "HOW EXCITING." "POLICEMEN?" "I'M THAT WAY TOO." "I FOLLOW FIRE ENGINES." "LET'S LOOK." "DO YOU NEED SOME MONEY?" "I DON'T NEED ANY MONEY." "IT WAS HER PURSE THAT WAS STOLEN." "NAME." "UH, NAME?" "I, UH" " JASMINE." "JASMINE GLICK." "OH, THAT'S A VERY UNUSUAL NAME." "OH, YOU'RE SWEET." "WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE, OFFICER?" "THERE'S NOTHING TO BE ALARMED ABOUT." "IT'S JUST A PURSE SNATCHING." "PURSE" " OH, I'M SORRY, LADY." "I'M VERY SORRY FOR YOU." "IF I LOSE MY BABY, I'M TA" " BABY?" "YES, I'M THREE MONTHS PREGNANT." "WHY DON'T YOU COME IN AND LIE DOWN?" "CAN SHE COME IN?" "I'M SORRY." "AND MY GYNECOLOGIST TOLD ME TO AVOID EXCITEMENT." "PLEASE COME INSIDE AND LET ME" " NO, NO, NO." "MY GOD." "SHE'S MY HUSBAND." "SAM?" "SAM WATER" "YES." "SAM WATERMAN." "YES, I'M A MAN." "I'M A MAN." "HERE, SEE, PULL." "PULL, GEORGE." "LOOK." "JULIE?" "ZIP ME UP." "ZIP ME DOWN." "YEAH, LOOK AT THIS." "LOOK AT THIS." "LOOK AT THIS." "LOOK, LOOK, HUH?" "LOOK AT THIS." "LOOK." "OH, MY GOD." "I'M GLAD TO GET THIS STUFF OFF." "HERE." "HEY, GET A LOOK AT THAT." "SAM, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME, THAT'S ALL." "I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD." "IT'S NOT THE KIND OF THING THAT'S EASY TO TALK ABOUT." "SAM, WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS." "I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME." "YOU COULD HAVE COME TO ME AND SAID," ""TESS, I HAVE A DISEASED MIND." ""I'M A SICK INDIVIDUAL." ""I NEED HELP." "I NEED TREATMENT." ""I'M PERVERTED." "I'M UNFIT TO FUNCTION WITH NORMAL DECENT PEOPLE."" "I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD." "THANK YOU." "TESS, I'M GOING TO SEE DR. FILLMORE NEXT WEEK." "WELL, I'M GLAD." "YOU'RE WONDERFUL." "THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES WHEN THE POLICE REMOVED YOUR HAT." "...WHAT'S MY PERVERSION?" "BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANCER, THE HAIR CONDITIONER FOR MEN." "YOU STILL USING THAT SAME OLD STUFF ON YOUR HAIR, DON?" "YEAH." "WHY?" "TRY THIS." "LANCER'S." "REALLY?" "GO AHEAD." "HEY, THIS IS GREAT." "NO GREASE OR OIL." "RIGHT, GROOMS AND CONDITIONS AT THE SAME TIME." "SMELLS GREAT, TOO." "LANCER, THE CONDITIONER THAT GROOMS AND CONDITIONS." "$1.98 AT DRUG AND DEPARTMENT STORES EVERYWHERE." "LANCER, FOR THAT BETTER-GROOMED LOOK." "A PRODUCT OF "K" PHARMACEUTICALS." "THANK YOU." "THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN." "AND A MOST CORDIAL WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO WHAT'S MY PERVERSION?" "PANEL MEMBERS, YOU'RE ALL LOOKING SPLENDID THIS EVENING." "PAMELA AND TONI SO BEAUTIFUL, AND REGIS AND ROBERT Q. SO HANDSOME." "AND PANEL MEMBERS, WE HAVE SOME VERY INTERESTING GUESTS WITH US THIS EVENING." "AND I THINK WE SHOULD GET RIGHT TO THEM THIS MOMENT." "SO, FIRST GUEST, WILL YOU SIGN IN PLEASE?" "BERNARD..." "JAFFE." "MR. JAFFE, WON'T YOU SIT DOWN, SIR?" "PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU WITH US HERE ON WHAT'S MY PERVERSION?" "THANK YOU." "I THINK YOU KNOW THE RULES OF OUR GAME." "YES, I DO." "YOU'LL GET FIVE DOLLARS EVERY TIME THE PANEL COMES UP WITH A "NO" ANSWER." "AND TO START OUR GAME GOING, WOULD YOU BE KIND ENOUGH..." "TO WHISPER IN MY EAR WHAT YOUR PERVERSION IS?" "AND WHILE YOU ARE DOING THAT, WE WILL LET THE STUDIO AND THE HOME AUDIENCE KNOW..." "EXACTLY WHAT YOUR PERVERSION IS." "GOOD." "ALL RIGHT, PANEL MEMBERS." "THE STUDIO AUDIENCE AND THE HOME AUDIENCE KNOWS WHAT HIS PERVERSION IS." "SO WE'LL START THE QUESTIONING WITH ROBERT Q. LEWIS." "THANK YOU, JACK." "MR. JAFFE, IS THIS ONE OF THOSE "NICE" PERVERSIONS..." "THAT ANY GUY MIGHT INDULGE IN?" "ANYBODY CAN DO IT." "ANYBODY?" "I'M SURE YOU COULD." "IT'S JUST A MATTER OF WANTING TO." "I SEE." "THANK YOU." "IS THIS ONE OF THE PERVERSIONS THAT MIGHT BEST BE PERFORMED IN THE HOME," "OR COULD YOU JUST DO IT ANYWHERE?" "NOT NECESSARILY." "I THINK THAT WILL GET A "NO" ANSWER," "AND FIVE DOLLARS TO YOU, MR. JAFFE." "AND WE TURN THE QUESTIONING OVER TO PAMELA MASON." "PAMELA." "IS IT SOMETHING THAT IS DONE WITH THE HANDS?" "DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME ON THAT, MR." "YES." "I WOULD THINK THAT WOULD NOT NECESSARILY PLAY A PART IN THE PROCEDURE." "AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A "NO" ANSWER ON THAT." "AND THAT'S TEN DOLLARS FOR YOU, MR. JAFFE." "AND REGIS PHILBIN IS UP NEXT." "WHEN YOU'RE DOING YOUR PERVERSION," "DO YOU HAVE ANY NEED FOR- FOR PROPS?" "PROPS?" "YOU KNOW, WHIPS OR LEATHER BOOTS?" "OH, NO." "NO, NO." "THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT NECESSARY." "THEN IT'S SELF-CONTAINED?" "FIFTEEN DOLLARS, REGIS PHILBIN." "AND NOW TONI HOLT." "MR. JAFFE." "WOULD A TELESCOPE OR A PAIR OF BINOCULARS BE HELPFUL TO YOU AT ANY TIME?" "IT WOULD HAVE TO BE..." "POINTED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION." "BUT I THINK WE'D HAVE TO INTERJECT TO SAY THAT..." "IT WOULD NOT BE HELPFUL TO YOU BUT RATHER TO SOMEBODY ELSE," "THAT'S RIGHT." "AND IN THAT RESPECT WE MUST GIVE YOU A "NO" ANSWER, TONI." "ROBERT Q. LEWIS." "ARE YOU- I'LL TAKE A WILD GUESS" "ARE YOU A RAPIST?" "HARDLY." "NO." "HARDLY." "NO." "NOT AT ALL." "TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS, AND PAMELA MASON." "DARN." " I'LL PASS TO REGIS." " IS IT SELF-CONTAINED?" "YES, I CARRY IT WITH ME AT ALL TIMES." "I'M GONNA TAKE A GUESS." "I THINK I HAVE IT." "GO AHEAD." "DO YOU MOLEST CHILDREN?" "NO, I'M AFRAID YOU'RE ALL ON THE WRONG TRACK." "WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL THEM EXACTLY WHAT YOUR PERVERSION IS?" "YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR 50 DOLLARS." "YES, I LIKED TO EXPOSE MYSELF ON SUBWAYS." "ON SUBWAYS." "AND NOW, THE WINNER OF THIS WEEK'S CONTEST." "AS YOU KNOW, EACH WEEK WE GIVE YOU AT HOME..." "AN OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY OUR GAME WITH US." "WE ASK YOU TO WRITE AND TELL US EXACTLY WHAT YOUR PERVERSION IS." "WE SELECT THE MOST INTERESTING LETTER, THE CONTESTANT IS FLOWN IN..." "AND WE GIVE THAT CONTESTANT A CHANCE TO ACT OUT HIS FANTASY HERE ON THE PROGRAM." "AND NOW, IT'S WITH A GREAT DEAL OF PLEASURE THAT I PRESENT THIS WEEK'S WINNER." "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND MEMBERS OF THE PANEL," "HERE FROM MUNSEY, INDIANA IS OUR WINNER, RABBI "CHAME" BAUMEL." "WELL, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU, "CHAME" BAUMEL." "EXCUSE ME." "IT'S NOT "SHAME."" "IT'S NOT "CAME."" "IT'S PRONOUNCED, "CHIAM." CHAIM." "CHAIM." "VERY GOOD." "I UNDERSTAND IN ADDITION TO BEING A VERY DISTINGUISHED CLERGYMAN," "YOU HAVE A VERY, VERY FASCINATING FETISH." "YOU MEAN A HANG-UP." "YES." "YES." "SILK STOCKINGS." "SILK STOCKINGS?" "I LOVE SILK STOCKINGS." "TO TOUCH, TO HUG THEM, TO-TO" "NOW YOU WROTE IN YOUR LETTER," "THAT WHAT YOU'D LIKE IS TO BE TIED UP." "FOR THIS WE NEED THE HELP OF ONE OF THE MEMBERS OF THE PANEL." "UH, HOW ABOUT SOMEONE TO TIE HIM UP?" "REGIS PHILBIN, WOULD YOU?" "EXCUSE ME." "MUST BE A GIRL." "GIRL." "ALL RIGHT." "WELL WE CERTAINLY HAVE TWO LOVELY GIRLS." "PAMELA, WOULD YOU DO THE HONORS AND TIE UP THE RABBI?" "I'D LOVE TO." "RABBI." "NOW, PAMELA IS GOING TO TIE RABBI BAUMEL..." "ACCORDING TO THE WISHES AS EXPRESSED IN HIS LETTER." "NOW, I HAVEN'T HAD A LOT OF EXPERIENCE, RABBI," "BUT I THINK I CAN MANAGE." "IF YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW." "IF THERE'S ANY SPECIAL AREA THAT YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE TIED." "NOT TOO TIGHT." "THERE." "GOOD." "AND NOW, A MODEL FROM THE LUCY JONES MODELING AGENCY..." "IS GOING TO PRETEND THAT SHE IS RABBI BAUMEL'S GOVERNESS." "AND SHE IS GOING TO SPANK THE RABBI." "YOU'VE BEEN A NAUGHTY RABBI." "AT THE SAME TIME..." "NOT SO HARD." "I HAVE TO BE IN THE SYNAGOGUE TOMORROW." "BAD." "BAD." "MRS. BAUMEL, THE RABBI'S WIFE" "WHO WE'VE FLOWN IN FROM INDIANA" "WILL SIT AT THE RABBI'S FEET AND EAT PORK." "YOU'VE BEEN BAD." "NAUGHTY RABBI." "DON'T YOU DO THAT AGAIN." "I'M TIED." "BAD." "NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY." "WELL, THERE IT IS, AMERICA," "ANOTHER LUCKY WINNER GETS TO ACT OUT HIS FANTASY." "NOW, THIS IS JACK BARRY SAYING GOOD-BYE AND GOOD LUCK FOR MYSELF AND THE PANEL," "AND WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK ON WHAT'S MY PERVERSION?" "UH, LET ME HAVE 50 CENTS' WORTH OF REGULAR." "YOU BET." "EXCUSE ME." "MY CAR BROKE DOWN ABOUT TWO MILES DOWN THE ROAD." "COULD YOU PLEASE SEND SOMEBODY TO GET IT?" "WHY, SURE, MA'AM, RIGHT AWAY." "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "HOW FAR IS DR. BERNARDO'S HOUSE?" "UH, ABOUT SEVEN MILES." "OH, DAMN IT." "MISS?" "YEAH?" "DID I HEAR YOU SAY YOU WERE GOING TO DR. BERNARDO'S HOUSE?" "UH-HUH." "WOULD YOU LIKE A LIFT?" "I'M GOING OVER THERE NOW." "OH, GEE, THAT'D BE SWELL." "YEAH?" "YEAH." "OH, WELL, COME ON." "ARE YOU A FRIEND OF DR. BERNARDO'S?" "NOT EXACTLY A FRIEND." "I'M GOING TO BE WORKING WITH HIM." "I'M GOING TO HELP HIM WITH HIS EXPERIMENTS." "ARE YOU STUDYING SEXUAL PHENOMENA TOO?" "YES." "I, UH, I WAS A BIOLOGY MAJOR IN SCHOOL," "AND I'VE REALLY BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH THE DOCTOR." "YOU KNOW, HE'S A GREAT HERO OF MINE." "I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS OR NOT, BUT HE WAS..." "THE FIRST MAN TO EVER MEASURE THE SOUND WAVES PRODUCED BY AN ERECTION." "YES, I KNOW." "DO YOU?" "YES." "I'M A REPORTER FOR THE GLOBE." "I'M GOING TO INTERVIEW DR. BERNARDO FOR A STORY IN OUR SUNDAY SUPPLEMENT." "A REPORTER, HUH?" "UH-HUH." "YOU KNOW, YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE." "YEAH, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST WATCH THE ROAD, HUH?" "WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" "HELEN LACEY." "WHAT'S YOURS?" "VICTOR." "VICTOR SHACKELPOPOLOUS." "IS DR. BERNARDO HERE?" "I THINK HE WANTS US TO COME IN." "OKAY." "THE DOCTOR IS EXPECTING US, SO, UH" "LOOK AT THIS PLACE." "YEAH, IT'S REALLY GREAT." "IS YOUR DECORATOR STILL LIVING?" "IT'S CHILLY." "UH, SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?" "IS-IS DR. BERNARDO HERE, OR WHAT?" "I'M DR. BERNARDO." "YOU MUST BE VICTOR..." "AND MISS LACEY." "IGOR, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KEEP TO YOUR ROOM." "FORGIVE HIM." "HE USUALLY KEEPS TO HIS ROOM." "I KNOW." "THERE'S A BIG PROBLEM WITH DOMESTICS NOWADAYS." "COME." "SHALL WE HAVE DINNER?" "YEAH." "I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE FAMOUS FOR YOUR POTATO PANCAKES." "DR. BERNARDO, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW EXCITED I AM TO BE HERE." "I'VE WAITED SO LONG TO MEET YOU." "YES, I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO HELPING YOU WITH YOUR EXPERIMENTS." "I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE READ MY, UH, MY LATEST BOOK," "HOW TO ACHIEVE THEM WITHOUT LAUGHING," "BUT IT'S GETTING TO BE A CLASSIC." "I'M FAMILIAR WITH IT." "I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL HOW YOU MEN OF SCIENCE..." "HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN AROUND TO SEX." "ALL THE GIRLS AT THE GLOBE ARE SO PLEASED WITH YOUR WORK ON RESPIRATION DURING ORGASM." "A MERE TRIFLE COMPARED TO MY REAL WORK." "DOCTOR, I READ A STATEMENT THAT YOU MADE THAT, UH," "YOU FELT THAT THE AVERAGE LENGTH OF A MAN'S PENIS SHOULD BE 19 INCHES." "DOESN'T THAT SEEM A LITTLE LONG?" "LONG?" "MY FRIEND, I'M MAKING DISCOVERIES YOU WOULDN'T DREAM OF." "YES, I KNOW, BUT- BUT 19 INCHES." "I MEAN, THAT'S- THAT'S NOT MAD." "THAT'S WHAT THEY CALLED ME AT MASTERS AND JOHNSON'S CLINIC" " MAD." "BECAUSE I HAD VISIONS OF EXPLORATIONS..." "IN SEXUAL AREAS UNDREAMED OF BY LESSER HUMAN BEINGS." "IT WAS I WHO FIRST DISCOVERED HOW TO MAKE A MAN IMPOTENT BY HIDING HIS HAT." "I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO EXPLAIN THE CONNECTION..." "BETWEEN EXCESSIVE MASTURBATION AND ENTERING POLITICS." "IT WAS I WHO FIRST SAID THAT CLITORAL ORGASM SHOULD NOT BE ONLY FOR WOMEN." "THEY LAUGHED AT ME." "RIDICULED ME!" "SAID I WAS MAD." "BUT I SHOWED THEM." "THEY THREW ME OUT OF MASTERS AND JOHNSON." "NO SEVERANCE PAY- AND I HAD IT COMING." "BUT I SHOWED THEM." "ARE WE HAVING DESSERT?" "OH." "COME." "I WANT TO SHOW YOU MY LABORATORY." "IGOR." "CLEAN UP THIS TABLE, AND HURRY." "YOU MUST FORGIVE IGOR." "HE WAS PART OF AN EXPERIMENT OF MINE THAT BACKFIRED." "USING AN ELECTRICAL GENERATOR, I GAVE HIM A FOUR-HOUR ORGASM." "HE HAD FUN, BUT HE TURNED OUT LIKE THIS." "WELL." "POSTURE." "POSTURE." "HERE IT IS." "HERE'S WHERE I'M DISCOVERING NEW FACTS ABOUT SEX" "FACTS THAT'LL MAKE ME A GREAT MAN, ONE DAY." "DR. BERNARDO, WHAT IS ALL THIS?" "COME THIS WAY AND YOU'LL SEE." "HERE, I AM STUDYING PREMATURE EJACULATION IN A HIPPOPOTAMUS." "HOW OFTEN DOES THAT PROBLEM COME UP WITH A HIPPO?" "HERE, I AM FORCING A MAN TO HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH A LARGE RYE BREAD." "THEY'RE GETTING ON FAMOUSLY." "HERE, I AM GOING TO TAKE THE BRAIN OF A LESBIAN..." "AND PUT IT INTO THE BODY OF A MAN WHO WORKS FOR THE TELEPHONE COMPANY." "YES, BUT WHY?" "WHAT GOOD WILL THIS DO ANYBODY?" "IT'LL SHOW THOSE FOOLS WHO CALLED ME MAD." "COME." "BUT DOCTOR, THIS IS IMMORAL." "NONSENSE!" "THE HUMAN MIND IS CAPABLE OF MANY STRANGE THINGS." "LOOK." "EACH DAY FOR THE PAST YEAR I FEED HER NOTHING BUT SILICONE." "SHE USED TO BE FLAT CHESTED." "GIVE ME ANOTHER YEAR, AND WATCH OUT." "YOU'RE INSANE!" "THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID AT MASTERS AND JOHNSON." "AND ALL BECAUSE I BUILT A 400-FOOT DIAPHRAGM." "BIRTH CONTROL FOR AN ENTIRE NATION AT ONCE!" "COME." "YOU" " YOU WILL BE THE SUBJECT OF MY NEWEST EXPERIMENT." "ME?" "YES." "LOOK HERE." "IN HERE I HAVE 20 SCOUTS." "I WANT TO MEASURE YOUR RESPIRATION WHEN THEY GANG BANG YOU." "NO!" "GET AWAY FROM HER." "WHY DON'T YOU LET HER RELAX AND ENJOY IT?" "SHOOT THIS GIRL AND I'LL SUE YOU FOR MALPRACTICE." "IGOR!" "VICTOR!" "VICTOR, DO SOMETHING!" "HELEN, KEEP YOUR LEGS CROSSED." "VICTOR!" "IGOR!" "NOW WE OWE THEM A DINNER." "WHAT'S WRONG, VICTOR?" "I THINK THE BATTERY'S DEAD AND WE'RE OUT OF GAS, OIL AND WATER." "ARE YOU OKAY?" "YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT." "WHO WAS THAT?" "THAT SOUNDED LIKE IGOR." "VICTOR, LOOK!" "OH, MY GOD." "A GIGANTIC TIT!" "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO," "BUT I'M GOING HOME TO GET MY CATCHER'S MITT." "IT LOOKS ANGRY." "THE NIPPLE'S GETTING ERECT." "OH, VICTOR, COME ON." "LET'S GO." "NOT SO QUICKLY." "THERE WERE ALL BOYS IN MY FAMILY." "OH..." "GEE." "SHERIFF, I WANT TO REPORT AN ESCAPED TIT." "A WHAT?" "IT'S ON THE LOOSE." "IT'S ALREADY KILLED TWO PEOPLE" " DR. BERNARDO AND HIS ASSISTANT." "A TREMENDOUS TIT." "HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?" "LISTEN, WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO ARGUE HERE." "WHILE WE'RE STANDING HERE, THE COUNTRYSIDE'S BEING RAVAGED BY A COLOSSAL BOOB." "YOU'VE GOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SET OF BREASTS." "GEE, ROY." "HEY, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE RADIO." "WELL, DON'T WORRY- SEE?" "LOOK." "LOOK." "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE RADIO." "SEE?" "DOESN'T WORK." "OH, MY GOD!" "JESUS CHRIST!" "GOD!" "STAY BACK!" "STAY BACK!" "BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A LARGE FEMALE BREAST." "IT'S ABOUT A 4,000 WITH AN "X" CUP." "ABOUT A 4,000 WITH AN "X" CUP." "LET'S GO." "WE'RE TOO LATE." "HE'S DEAD." "YEAH, I KNOW." "THE CREAM SLOWED HIM UP AND THE MILK KILLED HIM." "WE'RE UP AGAINST A VERY CLEVER TIT." "IT SHOOTS HALF-AND-HALF." "VICTOR, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO TO STOP THIS FIENDISH TIT?" "I'VE GOT AN IDEA, BUT I'D HAVE TO GET MY HANDS ON SOME CAMOUFLAGE." "I CAN GET YOU ALL THE CAMOUFLAGE YOU NEED." "OH, VICTOR, PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING DANGEROUS." "DON'T WORRY." "I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE TITS." "OH, VICTOR!" "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!" "YOU DID IT." "OH!" "OH, I WAS SO WORRIED." "WERE YOU SCARED?" "ARE YOU KIDDING?" "DO I LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF GUY THAT WOULD GET SCARED?" "I WAS." "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GET NURSED TO DEATH." "WELL, EVERYTHING'S ALL SECURE NOW." "YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A THING." "ONLY ONE THING BOTHERS ME." "THAT" " THAT'S A SINGLE." "YOU SURE THAT WAS A SINGLE, NOW?" "THAT WAS A SINGLE." "SEE, THEY USUALLY TRAVEL IN PAIRS." "NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT." "I'VE NEVER SEEN ONE BY ITSELF." "I MEAN, TWO, YES, BUT NOT JUST ONE." "SO WE'RE GONNA TAKE A NIPPLE PRINT," "JUST SO WE'LL HAVE IDENTIFICATION ON THIS ONE, SEE?" "I THINK WE'LL PUT IT ON PROBATION FOR, MAYBE, 90 DAYS..." "AND THEN TAKE IT DOWN TO THE ORPHANAGE..." "BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF HUNGRY BABIES DOWN THERE." "SO, YOU BOTH TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, NOW." "YOU KNOW, YOU WERE SO MAGNIFICENT OUT THERE," "I KNEW THEN THAT I WANTED YOU." "WELL, I DON'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS, HELEN." "I" " I KIND OF HAD A PERSONAL STAKE IN THIS CASE." "I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THIS BEFORE," "BUT WHEN I WAS A LITTLE CHILD I WAS BREAST FED FROM FALSIES." "THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS, I'VE LEARNED ONE THING FROM THIS WHOLE SITUATION," "AND THAT IS, WHEN IT COMES TO SEX," "THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT SHOULD BE ALWAYS LEFT UNKNOWN," "AND WITH MY LUCK, THEY PROBABLY WILL BE." "BRAIN ROOM." "COME IN, MOTOR FUNCTION 12." "CHECK." "HIS LEG ITCHES." "SCRATCH THE LEFT LEG." "THE LEG HAS BEEN SCRATCHED." "THERE'S A JOKE COMING IN ON FOUR, ONE." " PREPARE RESPONSE FOR INCOMING JOKE." " JOKE RESPONSE, 18.2." " SMILE, PLEASE." " HE'S SMILING." " BRAIN TO STOMACH." "BRAIN TO STOMACH." " STOMACH TO BRAIN." "OVER." " FOOD COMING DOWN." " WHAT KIND?" " FETTUCCINE." " JESUS CHRIST!" "ITALIAN FOOD COMING DOWN!" "AGAIN?" "ITALIAN FOOD?" "STOMACH PROCEEDING WITH BREAKDOWN OF FETTUCCINE." "THIS IS MISSION CONTROL." "MISSION CONTROL." "PLEASE STAND BY FOR A SYSTEMS CHECK." "WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?" "NO, THANKS." "THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE INTERCOURSE TONIGHT?" "I'M VERY OPTIMISTIC." "THE DINNER DATE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL." "HAVE YOU SEEN HER?" "NO." "HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE." "IT'S BEEN SO DAMNED HECTIC UP HERE, WE'VE BEEN GOING CRAZY." "SHE'S LOVELY." "YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK." " BRAIN TO EYES." "BRAIN TO EYES." "COME IN." " EYES TO BRAIN." "OVER." "FOCUS ON THE DINNER DATE." "I WANT TO CHECK OUT SOMETHING, PLEASE." "DO YOU WANT THE WHOLE BODY?" "YES, PLEASE." "TAKE A LOOK." "HEY." "IT WOULD BE A SHAME TO LOSE THIS ONE." "AND HOW." "WOW." "ANY INDICATION YET?" "BRAIN TO EARS." "BRAIN TO EARS." "CAN YOU THROW SOME VOICE UP HERE?" "...YES, FOR ME, NORMAN MAILER HAS EXACTLY..." "THAT SAME SORT OF RELEVANCE, THAT AFFIRMATIVE-NEGATIVE DUALITY..." "THAT ONLY PROUST OR FLAUBERT COULD ACHIEVE." "I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT OR NOT." "DOESN'T LOOK TOO GOOD." " I'M A GRADUATE OF NEW YORK UNIVERSITY." " WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT." " I'M WORRIED." " ABOUT A POSSIBLE FAILURE, HUH?" "YES." "YEAH." "ANYONE CAN HAVE A FIASCO NOW AND THEN, BUT A FEW IN A ROW..." "CAN LEAD TO A SERIOUS LOSS OF CONFIDENCE." "YEAH." "YEAH." "WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHAT IT'S DOING TO MORALE AROUND HERE ALREADY." "DON'T WORRY." "WE'RE GONNA BRING THIS OFF." "MY PLACE OR YOUR PLACE?" "TO ME IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE WE DO IT." "HEY, WHY DO YOU LOOK SO SCARED?" "GODDAMN IT!" "WHO FLASHED THE SCARED EXPRESSION?" "COME ON!" "ANYBODY PRESS FRIGHTENED?" "NO ONE." "MUST BE A SHORT CIRCUIT SOMEWHERE." "THAT'S ALL WE NEED NOW." "MISSION CONTROL, MISSION CONTROL." "PREPARE FOR LAUNCHING." "PREPARE FOR LAUNCHING." " LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GONNA DO IT." " ATTENTION, SPERM." "ATTENTION, SPERM." "STAND BY." "WELL, HERE WE GO AGAIN." "YOU THINK WE'LL GET OUT THIS TIME?" "I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FALSE ALARM." "THEY'RE HAVING TROUBLE DOWN IN ENGINEERING." "YEAH, 'CAUSE I HEARD IT WAS ALL MENTAL." "HEY, YOU'RE ON MY TAIL." "SORRY." "THE HEART FACTORS ARE ALL BALANCED." "WE COULD USE MORE ADRENALINE." "THIS IS THE ADRENAL GLAND." "WE'RE PUMPING AWAY HERE." "OH, MY GOD, SYDNEY." "CAN'T YOU WAIT?" "YOU WANT TO DO IT RIGHT HERE IN THE PARKING LOT?" "SIGNAL THE VOICE TO ANSWER IN THE AFFIRMATIVE." "ALL SYSTEMS ON THE ALERT." "WE'RE GONNA TRY TO BALL HER RIGHT THERE IN THE CAR." "EARS, QUICKLY!" "EARS!" " I'VE MADE IT IN CARS BEFORE, BUT ALWAYS IN HARDTOPS." " PREPARE FOR LAUNCHING." "BRAIN ROOM TO SEXUAL ORGANS." "PROCEED WITH ERECTION." "IT'S STUCK!" "LET'S GO, BOYS!" "COME ON, GET IT UP, FELLAS!" "PULL!" "ALL TOGETHER!" "ROLL OUT THE TONGUE." "HERE COMES THE KISS." "HANG ON!" "ACTIVATE PLEASURE CENTER." "CAN WE PLEASE HAVE AN ERECTION?" "WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE?" "I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, BOYS!" "PULL!" "COME ON, FELLAS, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?" "WHAT'S THE MATTER, SYDNEY?" "MAINTAIN HANDS ON BREASTS." "YES, SIR." "WE'RE HAVING TROUBLE WITH RESPIRATION." "WE'RE WAY OVER THE LIMIT DOWN HERE." "IF YOU'RE NOT GETTING AN ERECTION, SOMETHING'S WRONG." "PROCEED WITH ERECTION." "ALL SYSTEMS GO." "LET'S GO, BOYS!" "ALL TOGETHER!" "WE GOTTA GET IT UP!" "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON DOWN HERE?" "I NEED AN ERECTION!" "WE NEED MORE HELP FROM THE BRAIN ROOM." "HAVE YOU CHECKED TO SEE IF THERE'S ANY TROUBLE IN THE STOMACH?" "FETTUCCINE'S MOVING ALONG NICELY." "COUPLE OF INJURIES FROM THE VEAL SCALLOPINI, THOUGH." "I'M NOT LAUGHING, SYDNEY, HONESTLY." "NOW KISS ME!" "WE HAVE AN ERECTION OF 45 DEGREES." " SHALL WE ATTEMPT PENETRATION?" " PREPARE FOR PENETRATION." "WELL, THIS LOOKS LIKE IT." "YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE OUT THERE?" "IT'S LIKE THEY TOLD US IN TRAINING SCHOOL." "IT'S AN OVUM." "I'M SCARED." "I DON'T WANT TO GO." "THIS IS WHAT ALL THIS TRAINING WAS FOR." "YEAH, BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE OUT THERE?" "YOU SAW SLIDES IN CLASS." "YEAH, BUT YOU HEAR THESE STRANGE STORIES, YOU KNOW," "LIKE-LIKE THERE IS THIS PILL THESE WOMEN TAKE," "OR SOMETIMES THE GUYS'LL SLAM THEIR HEADS UP AGAINST A GIANT WALL OF HARD RUBBER." "OH, THAT'S NONSENSE." "OR" " OR WHAT IF IT'S A HOMOSEXUAL ENCOUNTER?" "LOOK, THIS IS NO TIME TO DOUBT OUR MISSION." "YOU TOOK AN OATH WHEN YOU ENTERED SPERM TRAINING SCHOOL" "TO FERTILIZE AN OVUM OR DIE TRYING." "NO, I'M SCARED." "I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT THERE." "WE'RE TOO LOW TO MAKE THE PENETRATION." "THE MEN CAN'T HOLD!" "WE'VE GOT TO HOLD!" "WE NEED MORE STIMULATION FROM THE PLEASURE CENTER." "ORGAN ROOM TO BRAIN CONTROL." "RESTIMULATE PLEASURE CENTER." "PREPARE TO STROKE HER THIGHS." "WE'RE ON HER THIGHS AND STROKING." "ATTENTION, MOUTH." "ATTENTION, MOUTH." "PLEASE BLOW IN HER EAR." "ERECTION IS AT 45 DEGREES AND HOLDING FAST." "READJUST, MOUTH." "WE'RE MISSING HER EAR AND BLOWING INTO HER NOSE." " ATTEMPT PENETRATION." " THRUST!" "IT'LL NEVER WORK!" "THE ANGLE'S BAD!" "HEY!" "WE'RE GONNA MAKE BABIES!" "THIS IS MISSION CONTROL." "PENETRATE!" "WE CAN'T!" "IT'S NO USE!" "HOLD TIGHT, MEN!" "WE'RE LOSING IT!" "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?" "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?" "KEEP IT IN THE AIR!" "IT'S GOING DOWN!" "KEEP IT UP, BOYS!" "HIGHER!" "PULL!" "IT'S NO USE." "WE'RE LOSING IT." "START PREPARING AN ALIBI TO SAVE FACE." "WE FOUND HIM TAMPERING WITH THE MACHINERY IN THE CEREBRAL CORTEX." "TURNING UP THE GUILT REFLEX." "THAT'S A LIE." "I NEVER TOUCHED ANYTHING." "HE'S A SPY, SIR." "I WORK IN THE CONSCIENCE ROOM." "WE FOUND THE CONSCIENCE TIED TO A CHAIR." "HE'D KNOCKED HIM OUT." "IS THIS TRUE?" "WHAT IF IT IS?" "DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THIS?" "SEXUAL RELATIONS BETWEEN UNMARRIED PEOPLE?" "TO TAKE AN INNOCENT WOMAN AND ASSAULT HER..." "IN A BRUTAL, SADISTIC, UNGODLIKE MANNER..." "IS BLASPHEMY!" "LOCK HIM UP." "LET'S GO." " SABOTAGE IS OVER." " BLASPHEMY!" "IT'S BLASPHEMY!" "FULL STEAM AHEAD!" "HERE WE GO AGAIN!" "I'M NOT GOING OUT THERE." "I'M NOT GONNA GET SHOT OUT OF THAT THING." "WHAT IF HE'S MASTURBATING?" "I'M LIABLE TO WIND UP ON THE CEILING!" "HOOK UP." "NO!" "GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF." "FELLAS, IT'S DARK OUT THERE." "SHH." "SHH." "I'M DUE AT MY PARENTS' FOR DINNER." "HEAVE HO!" "MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY" "OF THE COMING OF THE LORD" "HE IS TRAMPLING OUT THE VINTAGE" "WHERE THE GRAPES OF WRATH ARE STORED" "HE HATH LOOSED THE FATEFUL LIGHTNING" "OF HIS TERRIBLE SWIFT SWORD" "HIS TRUTH IS MARCHING ON" "WE'RE INSIDE!" "WE'RE MAKING IT!" "HAVE MEMORY THINK OF BASEBALL PLAYERS TO KEEP SPERM FROM PREMATURE LAUNCHING." "CAN'T HOLD OUT ANY LONGER." "PREPARE FOR RELEASE OF SPERM." "WILLIE MAYS." "JOE NAMATH." "MICKEY MANTLE." "SEE YOU GUYS IN THE OVARY!" "SAVE ME AN EGG!" "WELL, AT LEAST HE'S JEWISH." "LISTEN, EVERYBODY." "EVERYBODY." "CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?" "THIS IS MISSION CONTROL." "I JUST WANT TO CONGRATULATE EVERYBODY ON A FINE JOB WELL DONE." "I MEAN THAT IN ALL SINCERITY." "IT WAS HECTIC, BUT WE BROUGHT IT THROUGH." "HA, HA!" "WELL, SHE WAS WORTH IT." "YES, SHE WAS." "I'LL DRINK TO THAT." "THAT WAS GREAT, SYDNEY." "LET'S DO IT ONE MORE TIME." "HEY!" "EVERYBODY STAND BY!" "HERE WE GO AGAIN." "ATTENTION, ALL HANDS." "ATTENTION, ALL HANDS." "STAND BY." "STAND BY." "GIVE ME A FATIGUE READING." "UH, FOUR AND A HALF." "FATIGUE READING, FOUR AND A HALF." "LOOKS GOOD." "WE'RE GOING FOR SECONDS." "ATTENTION, GONADS." "WE'RE GOING FOR RECORD." "WE'RE ALL ALONE NO CHAPERONE CAN GET OUR NUMBER" "THE WORLD'S IN SLUMBER" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "THERE'S SOMETHING WILD ABOUT YOU CHILD" "THAT'S SO CONTAGIOUS" "LET'S BE OUTRAGEOUS" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "WHEN ADAM WON EVE'S HAND HE WOULDN'T STAND" "FOR TEASIN'" "HE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THOSE APPLES OUT" "OF SEASON" "THEY SAY THAT SPRING MEANS JUST ONE THING" "TO LITTLE LOVE BIRDS" "WE'RE NOT ABOVE BIRDS" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "IF YOU'D BE JUST SO SWEET AND ONLY MEET" "YOUR FATE DEAR" "T'WOULD BE THE GREAT EVENT OF 1928 DEAR" "LET'S MISBEHAVE" "LET'S MISBEHAVE"