"Hello!" "You alright?" "What happened?" "Hurt yourself?" "No." "I thought it looked cute like this." "I thought I'd just bring everything with me now." "I'm not leaving you alone for one second." "From now on, I'm your home care." "Putting your life on hold to take care of me?" "Remember when you did the same for me?" "The first big task for the abandoned, other than crying copiously, is to announce the sorry event to the entire world." "I asked for some time off." "I was unproductive for weeks." "On my return, a fixed idea followed me around in classrooms, hallways..." "Time has no end." "But it is the end." "And that echoed in my head like a mantra." "Some price we have to pay when we decide to pretend life is back to normal." "When nothing like that is happening." "Again I ask forgiveness of my colleagues for the many changes in our schedule." "Here you state that a Brazilian author, such as Cassandra Rios, previously forgotten, but now garnering a cult audience, deals with the question of feminine homosexuality with a physical daring that we do not find in English literature." "But I must ask myself:" "Why would one compare the sub-literature of Cassandra with the literature of Virginia Woolf?" "I don't see why you classify the work of the English author as being more important than that of the Brazilian." "Because we are speaking only of the body, in which case, the work of Cassandra Rios is far superior to that of Virginia Woolf." "Carmen, you are using aspects of the author's personal life to justify your argument." "The fact that Virginia Woolf had been sexually abused by her half-brother during her adolescence, as far as one can ascertain, does not mean that the female characters in her novels are repressed due to that." "So Virginia Woolf's suicide in the River Ouse is a fact to be ignored?" "It has nothing to do with the frigidity, the physical depression of the characters she created?" "Julia, let's go over to Health Services?" "Okay?" "People, I'm fine." "My blood pressure's a little low." "It's nothing." "You sure you don't want me to take you home?" " I'm sure." " Look, my car's in the parking lot." "You ever hear that excessive politeness can become abuse?" "Are you mad at me?" "No, Carmen." "I'm not mad at you." "Not yet." "Was it something I said during my exam?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Who knows?" "But maybe we touched on something people find uncom..." "To Lagoa, please." "Since the day Antonia left me, I ask:" "What is the opposite of love?" "For most, the opposite of love is hate." "No." "Too obvious." "I came to the conclusion that the opposite of love is a permanent state of perplexity." "A wounded perplexity that keeps you in a trap from which you can only escape with the help of the one who abandoned you." "What is the opposite of love?" " How are you, Laura?" " Fine." "Didn't you get the note I left with the doorman?" "And the voice message, did you hear it?" "Well, Antonia called to say you'll be paying the rent from now on." "Would you like to come in for a moment?" "No, no, thank you." "This won't take long." "I want to know the situation of this apartment." "The contract is in Antonia's name, the guarantor was hers, as well as proof of income." "And the rent is late." "I am so sorry." "I've had a few personal problems, but I guarantee it will all be straightened out." "I just need a little more time." "What will we do about the late rent?" "I'll make a deposit this week." "Wonderful." "I'll send you a new contract." "Julia, guess what soap opera I'm auditioning for tomorrow?" "Listen to this." ""Are you possessed with a devil, to talk in that manner to me when you are dying?" "Then you do not reflect that all those words will be branded in my memory, eating deeper eternally after you have left me?"" "Julia?" "Hello?" "Anybody home?" "I'm talking to you." "They'll destroy it." "Wuthering Heights?" "I'm auditioning for the role inspired in Heathcliff, played by Lawrence Olivier and Ralph Fiennes in the movies." "Isn't this great?" "I was sick today on campus." "What?" "What happened?" "And then Laura was at my door asking for the late rent." "So there you have my silence, not at all wuthering." "Sorry, baby." "You're sad, with hundreds of problems in your little head, and I'm off on my ego-trip." "I don't know if I should call a doctor or comb the streets for someone to guarantee my rent." "First things first." "One:" "A good alternative therapy, a hot stone massage will do you a world of good." "I think that you're all stressed out." "Two:" "Regarding the apartment, it's time for you to leave." "As long as you stay there, you won't be able to stop thinking about Antonia." "Tell me something:" "How did Pedro's will work out in the end?" "I received everything." "After more than ten years living with Antonia, don't I have a right to anything?" "Even if just for revenge?" "No." "What I found out at the office with those more experienced is that Brazilian Law has no pension provisions for stable, homo-affective relationships." "In other words, homo-affective relationships mean "gay couples"." "And gay couples have no rights." "No, but you were entitled to Pedro's assets." "But Pedro's case was different because Pedro left a will." "And in my case?" "Only if you and Antonia had acquired equity together." "Then you would be entitled to a division of the property, well, proportional to that which you invested." "Well, girls, let me explain the reason for this "condominium meeting"." "This is the deal." "I'm leaving my apartment." "After a year without Pedro," "I decided to leave our little nest and get on with my life." "Julia is at the end of her contract, so to speak, right?" "And Lisa is also looking for something cheaper." "Preferably far from Rio, away from this madhouse." "So I thought the three of us could share rent, which would make it easier for everyone, what do you think?" "Julia?" "If I had known the real reason for this lunch was to brainwash me into sharing rent with that Pollyanna hippie," "I swear I'd have preferred to stay home scrubbing the bathroom." "I'm making the right move for you to get out of that cave ...and change your life." " Change comes from within, Hugo." "It takes time, solitude and self-communion." "You know what's missing?" "You need to get out." "Meet new people." "Have fun." "No one gets out of a situation like this alone." "You know what I hate about what you're saying?" "That everyone always takes the easiest path." "Use someone to forget the other and before you notice, the hole is even bigger." "No thanks." "While the wound is still fresh, I don't plan to get another." "That's exactly how you isolated yourself and now you don't know what to do." "I prefer to suffer my way rather than yours." "What are you insinuating?" "I know someone who, when they are suffering for love, only drinks, cries and vomits." "Or cries, drinks and vomits." "Or vomits, drinks and cries." "And I know someone who loves to play the suffering intellectual who never loses her poise." "Funny, isn't it?" "When someone close to you suffers, you love to help, give advice." "Now when you suffer, you withdraw, go into your shell and don't let anyone help." "In fact, you despise people's help, don't you?" "Maybe that's it." "You don't need anyone's help because you're perfect." "Perfect." "You are perfect!" "Sorry." "Sorry, but I can't stand so much suffering." "You with Antonia's ghost." "Me with Pedro's." "Enough." "Stop, stop, stop." "I'm tired of it all." "Enough." "Look, today we're going out, okay?" "We'll find friends, have a drink... and French kiss!" "Do you know anything more real than a ghost?" "Do you know anything more real than a ghost, Hugo?" "Hey?" "I found someone to make me happy." "Your turn, Julia." "That's how life gets back to normal, and things just start to happen, most naturally." "Julia, you look fabulous!" "Slimmer, thinner in the face." "More beautiful." "Right." "I'm planning to launch a self-help book:" ""How to lose the love of your life and 16 pounds in one week"." "People, I see this lady everyday at the university and I can tell you that Julia Serrano's beauty is never so-so, since she's beautiful in any state:" "Solid, liquid or gas." "Forgive me for interrupting, but it just so happens that Joanna and I have been together 4 years today!" " A toast!" "A toast!" " Bring some champagne!" "The first failed attempt at socializing left a certainty that there is no change without trauma." "Any change confirms the end of a period, the end of a self." "Why are you afraid to talk to me?" "What do you owe me?" "Speak up!" "Look here." "Now who's no longer interested..." "In fact, I'm only taking the trouble to write to insist you stop calling my house to say nothing." "Cowardice has limits!"" "Julia?" "Julia, couldn't you have left your phone on?" " Battery ran out." " Ah, battery..." "I called several times." "I talked, talked, but couldn't hear a thing." " I was worried about you." " I thought I'd just slip out." "Didn't want to ruin your evening with your "toy boy"." "Plus the place reeked of cigarettes and fried food." "Is it my impression, or were you talking to yourself when I came in?" "What do you want?" "An apology?" "An explanation that will convince me that staying at home alone glaring at the computer is better than going out and having fun." "Julia..." ""If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be..." "Nelly, I am Heathcliff!" "He's always, always in my mind:" "Not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."" "It seems clear to me that, if the author uses a pen name, not signing as Emily Brontë but as Ellis Bell, this is a clear subterfuge showing how pre-modern female English authors had difficulty expressing more pungent, passionate feelings." "Professor?" "Do you agree with me?" "Wuthering Heights is seen today as one of the most poignant novels of English Literature due to its mixture of elements of romanticism and realism and also because it encompasses in a new way themes such as passion and mysticism." "Which is why I disagree completely with your analysis, Carmen." "But, professor..." "We'll continue at our next class." "I didn't understand your statement." "You are repeating the same error, judging a work by the private life of the author." "But fiction transcends reality." "Apparently I'm not the only one mixing fact with fiction." "When I want your opinion of me, rest assured, I'll ask." "For me?" "Oh, come on..." "Oh, my God..." "Wuthering Heights." "I love it, Ju!" "Thanks." "Perfect timing." "Let's go see a romantic comedy?" "You really want to subject me to this torture!" "You know, this dense thing..." "Very profound people are no longer in fashion." "Let's go?" "We haven't said one word for exactly seven minutes now." "You can't imagine how this silence comforts me." "So?" "Have you thought about what I said?" "About Pedra de Guaratiba?" "I don't want to seem ungrateful." "You have been more than a brother for me." "But you, me and Lisa in the suburb by the sea ...is a little over the top." " You could use some sea." "Exactly what you need." "Some sun." "Light." "Green." " Listen to me." " Of the Sad Tropics..." "I have only the sad part." "The rest here is pure Scandinavian." "Go there at least." "Come on." "Just take a look." "We're almost there." "Most of the time" "I lived unconcerned with having a home, in taking possession of a place I could call mine." " My time for a place to live..." " I love this song." "...was the time a relationship lasted." "Once over, I'd pick up my bag and go off to yet another temporary place." "This is it." "You mean, "that's all"?" "I told you it was a little run-down, needed a little work." "Silly!" "Come on!" "Look how lovely." "And this entrance, with some landscaping, will be more colorful than Snow White's cottage." " Don't count on me." " Come, let's go in." "Oops, right foot." "Right on..." "In reality, the house had a good structure." "Like a portrait of a person who had once been beautiful, but had not aged well." "This could be your room." "A large desk could fit in here easily." "Your double bed..." "And it's the quietest room in the house." "Why do I always attract optimists, always trying to convince me that not all is lost?" "A question of symmetry." "Some force dragged me to make a choice I didn't want to make." "Maybe I only needed a place." "And the rest I'd leave to discover later." "Okay!" "I already started collecting the garbage!" "I'm going to specialize in recycling." "And be a garbagologist, just like your ex." "She's not a "garbagologist"." "It's "environmental engineer" specialized in urban waste, and now a Ph.D. In "human waste management"." "Ok, sorry." "I'm a chatterbox." "Saying one stupid thing after another." "But you know I love you." "And I won't rest until I'm sure you've forgotten that garbagologist." "Okay, environmental engineer." " Give me a hug." " You're filthy!" "...sugarcane, to make juice." "Ugh, have to fix that..." "Sugar-apple, I know you love it." "Come on, I know you loved it." " Oh, God..." " Would you get that?" "In spite of his delicacy, there is in Hugo a superintendent, a tyrant, a ship captain." "Of the kind who has the power of life and death over his crew." "I'll take it to the room and you check the stove to see if its leaking gas." "Aye, aye, my Captain." "An English captain, no doubt." "Please, to the left, to my room." "It's going to pour." "Good and tired." "So, did you think about what I said?" "Yeah, I did." "So?" "I said it's going to stay as is." "But it doesn't fit in with the rest of the house." "Well, maybe I don't fit in with the rest of the house." "But why ice white?" "Off-white, light beige, alabaster and pearly white I understand." "But ice white?" "Never underestimate ice." "Eskimos make houses out of it." "If I could, I'd paint this entire crayon box of color with ice white, got it?" "Well, you can't argue about taste, only lament." "Agree with me, Lis..." "One more crying in the corners." "It's starting to look like a hotel for mourners." "If I were her, I'd be down, too." "Don't tell me her boyfriend left her for someone else!" " Worse." " How?" "He left when he learned she's pregnant." " She's what?" " She's... pregnant." "I was going to tell you at the right time." "The right time was before I got myself into this mess." "I'm a person who needs silence." "I need to concentrate." "Reading." "Writing." "Calm down, Julia." "The baby won't be born tomorrow." "But it will at some point." "A child here will change the routine of the entire house." "Not even you will put up with it." "My God, can't we think about this further down the road?" "I hate this Latino way to solve things." "Oh, my God!" "I left the windows open in my room because of the paint smell." "It'll all get wet." "Excuse me." "Only one thing makes me breathe as deeply as a mountain would breathe:" "To no longer depend on someone else's heart." "To no longer look anxiously at the clock when being tardy could mean disappearance." "No longer being connected by an invisible string to a body outside mine." "Lady..." "You see a little cat around here?" "Come in out of the rain." "I'm looking for my kitty." "Wait till the rain lets up." "Then you can look for him." "Every time it rains, he runs away." "He hates rain." "He's scared." "I adore rain." "Me, too." "Bye." "I adore rain." "Me, too." "Right." "Professor Julia Serrano isn't able to give class today, she has a cold." "And fever." "She asked that the monitor..." "Just a moment please." " What's the name?" " Carmen Lygia." "The monitor Carmen Lygia will be her substitute." "No, I will." "And thank you." "What are you, nuts?" "If you want to know, I'm in panic." "In panic." "I don't know what to do." "No kidding." "No one goes to bed soaking wet, wakes up with a fever of 103 and acts as if it's the most normal thing in the world." "Seriously." "You need help, Julia." "From a psychoanalyst on up." "I don't know why it's so hard to understand that I wanted to get wet in the rain and I did." "Great!" "Beginning tomorrow, I'm going to wear shoes all the time." "Sleep in them, bathe in them, swim in them!" "You really want to harm yourself, seriously?" "Go in my closet and get the revolver my dad left me." "Squeeze the trigger and it's done." "I'm coming!" " Selma!" " Júlia, dear..." "How are you?" "Feeling better?" "Hugo's not in." "But he won't be long." "Make yourself comfortable." "I have some work to do, but I'll be in my room..." "Don't you think you'll be tired of all these colors soon?" "Probably." "No, this is not my room." "Hugo was always good at decorating, but this time, I think he rather exaggerated." "My Lord, what's this?" "What's going on with my son?" "This looks like a mausoleum with a bath." "That's not like my Hugo." "Do you think he's alright, Julia?" "Fine." "The color of the walls, unbelievable." "You believe in elves, Selma?" "No." "This is only for people who believe in elves, fairies, witches, Feng Shui..." "Now you need to work on the garden." "It looks terrible." "Gives a bad impression, you know." "Just as you walk in..." " Would you like a coffee, Selma?" " Do you have tea?" "Chamomile..." "Cinnamon, apple." "Black." "Thank you." "Ms. Selma." "How did you get here before me?" "You fly in?" "I paid a small fortune for a cab." "And you, young lady, any better?" " Lf you need anything, I'm in my room." " Wait up." "Just a little minute." "Hold on a second." "I brought a little something for your house!" "Because the real present" "I'm only giving you on the day of the shower." " "Lovely", Mother." " I knew you'd like it." "I made tea." "Want some?" "No tea for you." "We're late as it is for our shopping date." ""The combination between the narrative structure itself and the elements of passions, mystery, interspersed with catastrophic amorous battles..."" ""...interspersed with catastrophic amorous battles..."" ""...which lives on in readers' memories, a timeless..."" "Lisa, can you please turn down the sound?" "I'm trying to work!" "Lisa, I'm talking to you." "Turn that shit down, now!" "Next thing, the neighbors will be at the door." "Are you nuts?" "Leave me alone." "Mind your own business!" "Lisa, I need silence." "You're out of line." "The house is mine, too, and I play the goddamn stereo as loud as I want." "Open this door." "I have something important to tell you." "Why don't you stuff yourself with your meds and go sleep?" "Seriously, I need to talk to you about something important." "Open up." "What's wrong?" "What kind of expression is that?" "Is something the matter?" "If you want to talk, If I can help..." "Help, Julia?" "You?" "How can a sarcastic, self-centered woman, who looks down on everybody, help anyone?" " I know I'm a little harsh at times." " A little?" "You are so selfish!" "You can't see beyond your own belly button." "I've never seen you so out of control." "You're sweet." "Maybe talking about it would help, Lisa, no matter what's wrong." "Whatever's wrong, it's done, over with." "What's done?" "The abortion." "You can be honest:" "I was a coward." "A coward wouldn't do what you did." "You've been dealing with this all alone." "But I wasn't brave enough to have this child, Ju!" "A child, when a couple wants one, is already very complicated." "Imagine you, alone, no father, having to deal with all the responsibilities?" "You thought about you." "There's nothing wrong with that." "The parents of Rodrigo, my..." "My whatever." "They're really rich, you know." "They would think I got pregnant just to set myself up." "No, no, no." "You don't have to think about that." "You have to think of yourself, only you." "Looks like somebody here's been crying." "And you, everything okay?" "Sorry." "Sorry." "I ran into Pedro's parents after I took mom home." "It was very hard." "They insisted I go by the house." "I went, to be polite." "It is very hard for them, too." "Pedro's mother started saying things, remembering things, and it made me feel so empty, so anxious, missing him." "I don't know." "I lost control." "And then his mother, Maria Lucia, gave me a sweater as a present..." "It was his favorite." "I'm still completely in love with him." "It just hurts so much..." "Sharing a house with others can give us certain joys, a comfort derived from the warmth of the herd." "But it is also a constant turmoil." "It's not, Honório." "I don't agree." "Yes it is, it's politics that..." "But it doesn't need to be because there's a methodology for that." " Lf you..." " Good morning." "Good morning." "Julia Serrano!" "How's the new house?" "Marvelous." "A nice breeze." "Silence." "Never thought I'd enjoy it so much." "Fresh coffee." "I just made it." "Wonderful, Elisa." "No sugar for me." "Tell me." "Did you get over your cold?" "I completely forgot about it." "I'm fine." "Julia, I've been reading Carmen Lygia's project." "I'd like to talk to you about it." "Honório, Carmen is as stubborn as she is applied." "She's doing well." "When you finish reading the project, we'll talk." "Tell me something." "What do you need for the new house?" "Hugo and his mom are organizing a house-warming party." "I'm going to invite everyone in the Department." "Elisa, this coffee is good." "Excellent!" "Julia?" "Hello, Carmen." " I brought your schedules." " Ah, thank you." "I went by the Department earlier but you weren't there, so..." "Sorry I didn't give you any warning." "I caught a cold." "A good one, apparently you look different." "Great." "Could we set up a meeting off-campus?" "Off-campus is where I usually conduct my private life." "I know, but I have to start writing my thesis, and there's little time for orientation." "Gee, you almost..." "What?" "What did I do?" "You're not going to put me in a bad mood." "Not today." "Home of Julia, Hugo and Lisa." "May I help you?" "This here is disgusting!" "Well, yeah." "We like it like this, nothing growing on it." "And you're here to do what?" "I'm Helena." "Nice meeting you." "I'm Lisa's cousin." "I said I'd come on her day off." "On Wednesday, and..." "Today is Thursday." "I haven't adapted to the time change." "I must have gotten mixed up." "Anyway, may I wait inside?" "Great colors!" "But I'd leave this wall white and then put a very light blue there at the end of the hall." "This sofa doesn't work." "Here in the entrance, no way." "I'd put it there." "You're also from the group" ""I believe in elves, Feng Shui, Bach florals"..." "No, no." "I really believe in love and visual arts, all art in general." "But I eke out a living as a small civil servant in the Brazilian embassy in Paris." "How "tedious"!" "Tedious?" "No kidding!" "So tedious, I'm working up to make a move, both internally and externally, to change absolutely everything." "So... what do you do?" "Education." " A teacher?" " University professor." "Great." "It must be fun to shape minds." "Lisa's room is the first on the right." " I have a lot of work to do..." " Pretend I'm not here." "I really just wanted to take a bath." " I'll get you a towel." " No need." "Everything I need's right here, I'm used to living like a gypsy." "Towel, toiletries, toothbrush..." "I could almost touch the salty air that interposed itself between me and Lisa's cousin..." "What did she say her name was?" "Suddenly death called to me artlessly, with a dry promise of being better than all the rest." "Want some help?" "It wasn't me who disturbed you, was it?" "First, a window started banging, then a cell phone ringing nonstop, and I heard..." "No one ever told you it's rude to spy on others, listening to the noises they make?" "Julia, excuse me for asking, but are you always like these, tense?" "When did I give you the false impression that I would welcome some stranger's comments about me?" "I didn't mean anything." "I just really heard someone stomping tensely around the house." "Don't worry." "I'll ask the manager of our little bed and breakfast to give you a discount." "You're funny, aren't you?" "You don't miss a thing." "Let's say I've been collecting a few traumas lately." "Look, I thought I could cook up something later." "Is there a market nearby?" "Are you hungry?" "Want to eat something?" "Not a bad idea." "But you know what?" "Since I love to cook, and Lisa loves my cooking," "I thought I'd fix dinner for us later." "Want to have some tea with me first?" "We have some coffee cake, too." "Marvelous." "I spent much of my life worrying about my survival, my financial stability." "When I got that solved, I felt lost." "Life can't be just eat, sleep, pay bills." "I think most people die of that." "You studied painting in Paris?" "I never studied." "I just throw the paint there, and the critics say what kind of art I do." "So far, they've come to no conclusion." "They just say it's totally subconscious." "Subconscious, or inconsequent?" "Is there a difference?" "When you have to pay your bills at the end of the month, the subconscious works in very consequent ways so they don't cut off your light, gas, telephone..." "So, that's why I'll be in Brasilia tomorrow to quit my job in France, a totally inconsequent attitude." "Very brave." "You're one day late." "I miss you." "What's up?" "Everything's fine." "I was explaining to Julia my confusion with the dates." "Well, it worked out for the best, your confusing the dates." "Helena, now you're all set up." "So, Julia." "What do you think of my cousin?" ""As soon as I heard of your marriage, I came, my lady." "I came to say that..."" ""Please, speak once and for all why you have come, sir."" ""I came here, Miss, to tell you that..." "I love you."" "You scared me, Julia!" "You look like you've been up all night!" "Because I have been up all night." "Want breakfast?" "I want you to tie me up." "Hugo, I'm talking to you." "You want tea or milk?" "I want you to tie me up." "I'm making eggs for me, but no bread." "I'm on this protein diet." "Hugo, I'm asking you, demanding you tie me up, dammit!" "This is going to hurt." "Tie it tight." "Tighter." "What about if someone comes?" "Helena, Lisa, a visitor!" "I have nothing to hide." "You're not alone in the world." "Stop preaching and tie that shit as tight as you can!" "Home of Hugo, Julia and Lisa." "Leave a message and we'll get back as soon as possible." "Bye." "I spent all day in the studio unable to think straight." "Just thinking about what could be happening here." "I still don't understand." "What are you trying to prove to yourself, Julia?" "Why would someone want to mistreat herself like this on purpose?" "Maybe more rational people feel this need, I don't know." "I only know that when the pain is over, it brings me peace, a sense of calm." "I knew you were crazy." "I just didn't know how crazy." "Remember when I told you I envied your loss of Pedro because it brought you real suffering?" "For me, for the loss to be concrete, the pain has to touch my body." "Not to mention the ways we need controls." "Controls?" "What are you talking about?" "I can't go running after Antonia." "Nor am I ready to start a new relationship." "But I'm alive." "I have drives, instincts, desires like everybody else." "I prefer my body dormant and my mind awake so I don't cause more damage to myself or anyone who comes close to me." "Julia, making yourself suffer more won't lead to anything." "Sometimes letting someone get close is the only way you can forget." "Even the best of friends despair when they see no sign of recovery." "Drink more." "The suffering of others is always unpleasant." "It reminds us of our own past pains." "Or pain yet to come." "It's odd to think that the sea had been here all the while." "Intact." "Entirely for me." "And I didn't keep our date." "An ocean." "The ocean." "From the sea." "To the sea." "Me." " You went to the beach?" " Yes." "I wish I'd been there to take a photo!" "Good for you, Julia." "Sea water helps your equilibrium, transforms your energy." "Wish I had seen it." ""Guaratiba Ocean, meet Julia." "Julia, meet Guaratiba Ocean."" "Hey, I walked to the beach." "That's all." "Sit and have breakfast with us." "Thanks, but I'm in a hurry." "You have to go slow with Julia." "Ocean and a decent breakfast on the same day... it's too much." "Good morning, sunshine." "I thought you'd gone to Brasília." "Went and returned the same day." "Listen, we're having a lunch later." "May I count on your illustrious presence?" "What a shame." "I have an engagement." "A typical Saturday lunch." "Late afternoon." "If I were you," "I'd think it over before passing up my cooking skills." "I'll try." "Good." "Delicious..." "Chef Helena, you're ten times more talented than I thought." "Do you have an egg beater?" "Mother, forget the list." "You're a compulsive organizer." "Ask the cook how much a good egg beater is needed in a kitchen." "Ten minutes more and we'll eat." "Almost ready..." "Let's wait for Julia a little longer." "Call her." "Your Aunt Clelia promised she'd give a set of little olive forks." "I doubt you have that." "We don't." " Do you like to cook?" " A little." " Are you a good cook?" " Yes." "I'm here!" "Julia, how good you came!" "Come taste the sauce for the fish." "'Cause after nearly a bottle of wine, one's sense of taste is a little impaired." "Wow." "Delicious." "The smell is really something." "Lisa, don't say "smell"." "Say "aroma", "bouquet"." "The look is something, too." "This is the concept of oriental food." "They say we begin eating with our eyes." "It'll be hard to go back to frozen dinners after chef Helena's food." "Cheers." "Good, very good." "Light." "Balanced." "Your father loved a Brazilian-style fish I used to make." "Said it was ten times better than any restaurant." "Have some of this." "People, I think someone's out there looking in." "I'll take a look." "Courageous, she is." "Let's just call the police." "Mother..." "Hi." "Is this Professor Julia Serrano's house?" "Yes." "But she's having lunch." "Ah, then I'll wait here." "Of course not." "Come in." " Thank you." "Excuse me." " Sure." "I'm sorry." "I didn't want to interrupt your lunch..." "Carmen Lygia, what are you doing here?" "Ah, so you're the famous Carmen Lygia." "I'll get another plate." "Please, don't worry." "I already had lunch." " You sure?" " Thank you." " How'd you get my address?" " At the office." "I didn't authorize anyone to give my address to students." "No, Julia, it's that I tried to contact you but never could." "Yesterday I called but you didn't answer." " Sit down, young lady." " Thanks." "It's just that Monday I have to renew my scholarship request..." "Please excuse me, I didn't want to interrupt lunch." "I brought a present for you." "In fact, two." "From the Sarah Waters series?" "Have some wine with us?" "Look, I'll get another bottle." "Since when can you invite people into my house without asking me first?" "Since when does one need to ask permission to be polite?" "Helena, this is my house." "And that person in the living room is your student who came from god-only-knows-where to see her academic idol up close." "While you're here, I beg you not do this ever again." "Don't worry." "I know a few other people." "Who have difficulty dealing with affection." "Now may I be excused, professor?" "You may." "Carmen Lygia, where does that lovely name come from?" "My mom wanted "Carmen", because of my grandmother." "Daddy wanted "Lygia", like the bossa nova song." "So I became Carmen Lygia." " I know it doesn't really go together." " No, but it's strong." "Striking." "And is Carmen Lygia a good student, professor?" "Other than an occasional attitude problem, she is very applied and has a great future ahead of her." "Well, she must be really applied." "Because to leave the South Zone on a Saturday afternoon and come way out to Pedra de Guaratiba..." "Only someone who is most diligent." "Cousin, you sure you won't sleep over again?" "No, I want to use the weekend to get in some painting." "Listen, I'm not going to rave about the lunch again, or you'll think I want to start up a fan club." "But it was marvelous." "Bye." "Show up more often." "We loved your visit." "It was great." "Even the indigestible part." "Why don't you come see my studio?" "It has paintings, wines... and me." "Will you forgive me, professor?" "We'll talk on Monday, Carmen." ""Take any form." "Drive me mad!" "Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you." ""Oh, God!" "It is unutterable!" "I cannot live without my life!" "I cannot live without my soul!"" ""...yes, we are talking about a moment, a period in the history of English literature..."" "No, that's wrong." ""We are talking about a period in the history of English literature in which Emily Brontë is conceiving her work, inspired in a gothic ambiance..."" "UNKNOWN CALLER" "Hello." "Here's your new card." "Now we'll set up your PIN number." "Six digits, ok?" "Now repeat to confirm." "Very well." "Let me authorize..." "All ready." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "Ah, Roberto, let me clear up a doubt:" "Will this new account eliminate my previous banking history of the joint account I had with Antonia?" "Of course not." "Your new fees and credit limits will reflect your new balance." "At each step... each new move," "I saw I had been transformed into a blank book." "No longer was anything written in me." "I remember suddenly asking myself:" "Is forgetting something the same thing as losing it?" "That's it, more or less." "I thought your painting would be more cheerful." "It might sound a little obvious, but I don't know what all this makes me feel." "That's exactly the idea:" "The indiscernible." "It seems a lot like you." "Maybe because I've been through something traumatic, right after my dad's death." "I was in my Paris apartment, totally depressed." "I forgot the tea kettle on the stove." "And woke up with the apartment destroyed, lost almost everything." "A month later, I was painting." " Just like that?" " Just like that." " Cheers." " Cheers." "In reality, our work is complementary." "People like you create, and we give it a name, an explanation:" "Trauma, anxiety, fury..." "The unconscious." "Listen, I'm organizing a going-away party." "I spoke to Lisa today." "I want to do a kind of luau in Guaratiba." "I'd love it if you came." "When do you travel?" "I have to be in Paris next weekend." "So, let's plan." "If you need some help..." "You know, who's giving me lots of support is your student." "Carmen Lygia?" "After that lunch, Saturday, we went out for a few beers." "She's a cutie." " Good morning." " Good morning!" "We have a new guest?" "It was meowing at my window in the middle of the night." "Good sign." "Seems like the house is coming to life." "Or lives." "You look great, you know?" "You're right when you say that anything is better than death." "Looks like that little raincloud is starting to move." "Yesterday for the first time," "I caught myself thinking about Antonia without suffering." "I thought it had to do with life, but it has more to do with death." "It's a little morbid, kind of sad, but what you're telling me is wonderful." "A big step forward." "Hi, hi, hi." "Good morning." " Fresh coffee..." " Good morning, sleepyhead." "Oh, how cute..." "They're super spiritual, you know?" "You're just in time." "The coffee's fresh and I'm heating up the bread." "This is Nani, a friend." "This is Lisa, Julia and Hugo." " How do you like my garden?" " Starting to look just like you." "Like me ten years ago, you mean." " May we?" " Sure!" "I separated a place for your things and there's plenty of room in the refrigerator." "How're you dealing with your return to Paris, knowing you're not going to stay?" "That city gave me some powerful tools." "But after a while, if you don't leave, the tools begin to rust." "And you?" "What are your plans?" "I'm just getting through each day with a minimum of dignity." "When I can." "From that first day I saw you, you've changed a lot..." "True." "I'm managing to live in a dorm and I'm at a nocturnal picnic, which so far has shown me that I will never want to go to another." "Too much sand..." "Well, since this is your first and last nocturnal picnic, you'll have to obey all my rules." "Agreed?" "You trying to get my friend drunk, Hugo?" "Be careful because it's the only one I have." "I had noticed you are a person with few friends." "Carmen." "Is it really that obvious?" "No one in their twenties and with all their marbles would give up a roaring Friday night for a picnic with the friends of her professor." "If it depends on the "friends" of the professor," "I'll enroll in class tomorrow." "See?" "We agree." "I have my motives, okay?" "You know." "Nani... where's that come from?" " Nani comes from Benjamin." " Benjamin." "Benjamin." "People, I think I feel rain." "Oh, Christ." "It's the ocean breeze." "No." "Seems like it's going to pour." "Look." "Well, an evening picnic with Julia and no rain would make no sense whatsoever." "So, cousin, are you enjoying the going-away party?" "So much so, I think I'll go for a swim." "In this freezing water?" "To lower my anxiety before the trip." "If the present is good, there's no reason to worry about the future." "As always, Helena was an inner, turbulent sea." "Yes, that was her name." "I think I don't want to go back to the beach." "Julia?" "You have a minute?" "Carmen, I said I'd give you the rest of the bibliography, but in the rush, I didn't have time, sorry..." "It's really not about that, its something else." "Ok, go ahead." "The night of the picnic, you and Helena disappeared." "So, something happen?" "What?" "It's none of your business." "Even if it were, this is not the place for this subject." "It's just... the day of the lunch," "I gave Helena a ride and we ended up together." "Since then, we've talked a lot, exchanged emails." "Carmen, what you and Helena do or not is none of my business." "But are you jealous?" "Are you jealous of me or of Helena?" "Carmen Lygia Pereira de Sá, this is the last time you'll pretend you and I are close." "Now, I have things to do." ""The Unicorn said, 'lf you believe in me, I believe in you.'" "Kisses, Helena."" "Spring brought the first colors to Hugo's garden, memories of my night with Helena before she returned to Paris... and more postcards." "Sorry." "Hugo said you'd only be back later, so I..." "Only love can make you forget the ones you loved before and yet love them even more." "I don't know..." "It's all together." "Júlia, I don't remember us sleeping together that night." "You have a weak memory." "We slept together, you, me and Nani, completely naked." "Nani mentioned to me..." "You have the entire house to make love in." "I just don't need to see it." "Because I've already heard everything." "I'm so enthusiastic, Julia, because..." "This guy's something special..." "You mean you're really going?" "I've never ignored my heart." "You know it's not my style, to interfere in the lives of others." "I'm often misunderstood because of it." "But do you really think you should go back to a man who left you alone at the most difficult time?" "Listen, Julia, Rodrigo was weak, immature, infantile." "All that." "But he deserves a second chance." "You're throwing your self-esteem in the trash." "Julia, if Antonia appeared right now asking to come back, which would you choose:" "Antonia or your self-esteem?" "I don't know if I'm right or not," "I think we never know at the time." "I prefer to take the risk." "Is it true I'm going to lose my little sister today?" "You are so melodramatic!" "I'm moving to another house, not another city." "Thanks for everything." "For putting up with me..." "No." "That's my speech." "I know I'm difficult." "Sometimes even I can't stand myself." "Enough is enough!" "Your room is still here, just in case..." "Antonia's body had always been a map which held no secrets for me." "Before, all I needed was a tiny glimpse of Antonia's body to know it was her." "I looked the first time and didn't see." "The second time, I didn't recognize her." "The third time, yes, I saw Antonia." "But at the same time, I wasn't sure it was her." "Is that here?" "Someone's at the door." "I think it's for you." "For me?" "Open your mouth." "You and your paintings, always emerging from the infinite." " I came to get you." " Helena said let's go, and I simply went." " Just like that?" " Just like that." "Get your things." "I'll wait." "Perhaps I will regret, Helena, but now I need to discover what of me really remained..." "I cannot drag you into a life of comparisons." "You deserve something better than someone camped at a crossroad trying to find her way, whichever way." "Love demands much, and I have very little to give." "I don't know if one can make a life with so little." "Everything slips and rolls off it, nothing penetrates." "Perhaps I shall regret, Helena." "Perhaps..." ""SO HARD TO FORGET"" "Done by (c) dcd / July 2011"