" What is it?" "Don't you want to introduce me?" "Doro, I can explain this." "Can you?" "It's not what it looks like, Doro." "Listen Axel, I've had enough." "Tomorrow you're out of my apartment, understood?" "Understood?" " Good.." "Did you at least use Condoms?" "That's swell." "Drop the Keys in the mail box, please." " Hello?" " Hello Birgit, guess who's calling!" " Hi." " Axel, what are you doing here?" "Well, I just wanted to see how you are." "Axel, Uwe is here and you know what happens if he sees you!" " But I just though..., I mean, we could..." " Take care, Axel!" "Do you at least know a place I could stay at?" " Yes?" " Hello, this is Axel." " Axel?" "One moment please!" "The Exact time is 9:00 am." "Here is WDR2 with the news." "Cologne" " Earlier this morning, two atom bombs went off in the downtown area...," "Excuse me..." "In the early morning hours... two auto bombs went off in the city center." "Noone was hurt." "In a letter, a terrorist group called the National Revele..., the National Revolele..." " Excuse me... the National Revolu" " Waltraut." " Good Day, Norbert." "Did I catch you masturbating?" " My record player has disappeared." " Your what?" " The CD-player too, the entire stereo is gone." " Slow down, something like that doesn't just vanish into thin air!" " Where's your punk?" " I don't know, but last night he was still there." "Oh, man, I can't believe it." "Maybe, he just borrowed it." " Norbert, when will you finally learn this?" "When you had a crush on that Danish guy... you flew right to him, and painted his whole apartment." "And when you were done, he kicked you out." " Well, shit happens." "And if it wasn't for Fraenzchen you would have gone on the street... to hand out flyers for that Jehova's witness... boyfriend of yours." "The TV's gone, too." "So you guys want to start with the fitness training here, correct?" "Have you ever worked out in a gym before?" " No, but I'm a vegetarian" "Nothing whatsoever?" "The only muscle we work out is our anus." "So no sport!" "Ok, so lets begin with a little conditioning." "Follow me." " You still think this was a good idea?" " Of course, everyone can use some muscles." "Not to mention the erotic component!" " Fraenzchen already feared you would turn straight now." " Ha!" "No way." " Spill the beans already!" "Ok, I went to this place recently, and there was a flyer on the pin board reading:" "'Men's Group looking for Homosexual... to participate in group meetings... and to talk about homosexuality'." " And I though, Waltraut, thats gonna be fun." " Men's group?" "Wasn't that back in the 70's?" " Exactly." "But they are in style again." "Anyway, there are five guys, one of them isn't that bad-looking, and they just talk about the problems that come from their role as a man." "Most of the time these problems are about women, clearly." "And they have real issues with some things." "For example, one of them... was caught masturbating in his bathroom, and now he feels super guilty!" "It's all terribly interesting." " I thought, you were supposed to tell them something about yourself?" " I do." "I already finished two lessons, you know the usual." "But their biggest problem is with anal sex." "The topic alone makes them nervous." "Their anus tightens when they hear anal." " As if they didn't do it with their wives..." "Norbert, stop imagining things." "Of course, they want to do it too, but that is the problem - it is sexist." " Ah." " What's wrong?" " I'm dizzy," " You do look pale..." "I think I'll pass out." " Hey, Coach!" "My buddy is fainting." " What's going on?" " He collapsed." " He lifted too much." " While he was on a bike?" " Hey Franz, come here check him out." " He collapsed from biking." " He broke down on the bike." " Who?" " The boy there." " You can see it by the way he's slouching." " You have to do something or you'll kick the bucket when you're 40." "In a quiet place, real relaxed, maybe in the bathtub, some K-Y jelly on the finger." "Just try it some time." " Well, I don't have a bathtub." "Just a shower." " So do it on the carpet or in bed." "Don't tell me you don't have that." "I'm sorry, but I really don't feel like sticking a finger in my behind." "My girlfriend already caught me masturbating... and next time she finds me fingering my ass, or what?" "Stay calm Lutz, no need to get agressive, please." "Ok, boys." "I though it would be of interest." "So tell what was the difference between vaginal and clitoral orgasm." "It's a mystery to me." " You're kidding, right?" " Oh, that must be Axel." " Is that the one who was kicked out by his girlfriend?" " Exactly... so please don't say anything." " So are we gonna talk to him?" " I don't know, we don't know him at all." " So what?" "You have to talk about something like that." "What is a men's group for, then?" " I think we should let him be." " I agree with Klaus-Dieter, if he wants to talk about he'll say so." " We have more free space on top of ysej ³" "So, this is Axel, meet everyone," "Ruediger, Lutz, Klaus-Dieter, Dirk and this is Walter, from the Gay Group Gerenfeld" " Hi" " Hello" " Axel and I haven't seen each other in ages." "He'll sleep here tonight." "Sorry you can't stay longer, my parents are visiting tomorrow." "Thats ok... maybe I can leave a suitcase until I find a place" " Sure..." "Noone knows of any apartments for me either, huh?" " It's tough..." " Where did we leave off?" " Yes, we were just talking about fingers in the butt." "No, sorry, Klaus Dieter, but I think we just decided we would not talk about fingering the butt anymore." " Correct." "Walter wanted to know about clitoral and vaginal orgasms, right?" " What I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention." " Um, Guenter, can I make a sandwich, I am pretty hungry." " Sure, everything is in the kitchen, help yourself!" "But Walter, you need to really tell us whether or not you're interested in female sexuality!" " Of course, I can't wait!" " What do you want to know exactly?" "So how was that with vaginal clitoris?" "So for a woman there are two ways of getting to an orgasm." "First, with the clitoris, where the so-called tickler is stimulated by the man's penis, and... the so-called tickler is stimulated by the man's penis, and..." " No, sorry again Klaus-Dieter but not necessarily only by the penis, no?" " Excuse me, but I really need to go to the bathroom." "Of course, not only by the penis." "As if the only thing women want is the penis." "Do you have to be so depressed, just because a woman left you?" " I don't think you can judge that, given you're gay." " So you think." "How long were you together?" "3 years" "You straight folk always want relationships that last forever." "And she gets the kitchen, and you the couch?" " Nonsense, we have our own stuff." "Well, if you want you can stay with me for a few days." "No, but thanks." " So, you have a problem with us gays?" "No I don't." "I always say each to their own." "There you go..." "I'll write down my number and Norbert's" "I'm there alot" "...just in case." " I quit." " Good." " I though it would be better not to run into each other at work." " Yes, you're right" "Where's the key?" " What key?" "For the appartment." "You wanted to drop it at my place." " That key ... I forgot." "Hungry?" "You look miserable." "So, how do I look?" " Without pumps?" "..." "like a dressed-up man, Fraenzchen" " Waltraut, you're mean." " Don't be so sensitive." " What shoes should I wear?" " The ugly wooden ones are the only ones that match..." "It's too much effort for one of these anyway, and the club Bel and the club Bel Air is boring anyway." " If we don't leave soon, we'll miss the show." " What show?" "Tina Trummer threatened to sing." " Can you get that,Waltraut?" " I bet it's Carsten if we can pick him up." "Waltraut!" " Hey, it's Axel, is Walter there?" "One moment, I check if he's here." "Walter!" "Hello, this is Walter." " Hello Walter, Axel here" "Hey, I wanted to see if your offer was still up, to crash at your place." " Yeah, sure" "When were you thinking to...?" " If you don't mind maybe even today?" " Sure, no problem, I'd be happy to help." "I'm on the way to a party it could be a long one though." "Why don't you just come along?" " Yeah, why not?" "Where is it?" " Do you know the parking lot at the underground?" " Yes." " Let's meet there, then." "See you in half an hour then." " Ok, great, see you." "What's going on?" "The straight guy is coming." " Straight?" ", What straight guy?" "The superhot creampie from my psycho men's club." "Where's my nail polish?" "Shit, shit..." "I have to hurry." " So you're taking everything off again?" " Of course if he sees me like this he won't even consider me." " You are in love..." " She is in love" "By the way, tonight I am Walter, not Waltraut, please remember that." "Walter?" "But why Walter?" " Because thats my name, period." " Her name is Walter..." "and she is in love" " How do I look?" " Like a tranny in disguise." " Stupid whores." " Hey Walter." "Hey Girls!" " HELLO!" " This is Norbert, this is Fraenzchen." " Good Evening, Axel." "Evening, Axel Let's roll." "Oh the VIPs are here." " Waltraut!" " Her name is Walter now." " I thought you wouldn't be showing anymore." "Ooh, what did you bring there." "Thats Axel, this is Else, the hostess." "Hellooooooo" "I hope you don't mind me bringing him." " Trust me if you bring a few more like him, we'll kick out these fruitcakes and have a private orgy." " Hey Norbert who's that guy back there with Waltraut?" " Guys like that make me sweat." "Ooh, blond and blue-eyed, I'm getting wet." "All I know is his name is Axel, and he's heterosexually oriented." "Really, that's tragic." " So, are you having fun?" " So so..." " Must be weird for you." " They're all staring at me." "I am getting salat, wanna come?" " No, thanks" " Ok" "One second, girls!" "If you could pay attention real quick." "I have two good news for you." "First, Tina Trummer is sick and cannot perform." "Instead I am honored to present an old friend of mine:" "Monty Arnold." "Thank you so much." "This applaus also goes to my colleague Dr. Berti" "I got him as a gift, when the stopped the TV-ballet." "Doctor Berti that was your cue." "So how do you like your first gay party?" " Unusual, no women here." " Truth!" " You know what I'll do now?" "I'll forget this whole shit with Doro, and get waisted." " That's how I like you better." " What's that brown stuff over there?" " That's original french mousse au choclat, the finest." " Oh cool, pass me the large plate, will you?" " By the way, Axel will stay at my place tonight." " Really?" "Yes, in my bed." "He has no appartment and he wants to get drunk, too." " Well, so what he'll be lying next to you passed out and snoring." "...and you will be too nervous to close your eyes." " Probably." " Still, I admit I am jealous." " Isn't he cute?" "Wouldn't surprise me if he's bi." " What the heck is that, ... tastes disgusting." "Liver paste." " ¹ grove walls, walls ¹ grove, grove Path ¹.." " What happened?" " I can't." " You can't?" "Why not?" " Sorry, I can't." " Do you have a problem, we can talk about first?" "No, I don't have problem, I'm going home." "Oh great, I like that." "You turn me on all night and then run away." "You women think you are the only ones who have problems" "I have problems too, but still want to have sex." "My friday is over, or do you think I can pick up another one this late?" " Asshole!" "So, girls, it's over, you had enough fun..." "Go home!" "Say, you have hair on your chest?" " Hair?" "I have fur." " Really, show me." " Hands off." "You'll have to help your straight friend out of his pants later." "I have hair too, but I won't show you either." "That's enough!" " Axel, come, we'll go home now." "I won't come with you you only want to get me into your bed." "Yeah," "Waltraut just wants to sleep with you." " Bullshit," " Hands OFF!" " You just sleep over, you can sleep on my couch." " Don't believe a word!" "So are we leaving or what?" " Yes, I'll sleep at Norbert's." " What?" " What?" " Why me?" "Listen Axel..." " You do not have anything to be afraid of." "Waltraut wants nothing from you." "I'll sleep at your place, because you are a really cool dude." " Well, so what he'll be lying next to you passed out and snoring." "...and you will be too nervous to close your eyes." "Good evening, Ladies." " Straight ahead, Axel." "There's the couch, take off your jacket." "Let me take off my stupid pumps." " Do you know why you gays have it better than us?" " Hm, no idea." " You don't trouble yourselves with women." " Instead we trouble ourselves with men." "No fun either." " Women are worse!" "In my opinion, straight men should all become gay and women should take over world politics." "That's the only way we can save our planet." " Were you in the army?" " God no!" " I was." "We didn't see women for weeks." "Can you imagine what torture that was?" "No women... for weeks!" " No." "We had a guy in our company, his name was Alfonso..." "He was a real artist." "He could tatoo really well, wanna see?" "Not bad, ey?" " Hello Norbert" " Hello Fraenzchen, what the hell do you want." " I'm sorry, I lost the keys to my house and Kurt is not at home," " If you are trying to say you would like to stay over, then that won't work for me at all." " Why?" " Axel is here." " Typical!" "As soon as a hot straight guy enters the picture you leave your best friends hanging." "Oh well, I am off to sleep on a park bench." " Ok, ok, ok... come in!" "But you'll sleep on the couch in the living room." "Sure, I'm not after your straight guy." " Axel, Fraenzchen is also staying over tonight." "I suggest you sleep in the bedroom with me and Fraenzchen sleeps here on the couch, ok?" " If you have a blanket, then I'll stay here on the couch... and that guy there can sleep in your bed." " I have a blanket, but it's terribly thin, you might get cold." "In my bed I have fresh feather comforters, really cozy and warm." " If I ruined something for you here I am very sorry" " Forget it..." " Well, he said the best way for him to get to know a woman was in bed." " I see. that kinda guy." " But I was desperate, you see?" "The last three years I only ever slept with Axel." "So I went to his place. why not?" "After all, they say: "dumb fucks well", right?" " Well..." "And once we started, I just couldn't follow through." "It didn't work, I had to think of Axel." "I would have preferred sex with him." " I am still attached to that ass." " Oh crap." " So I went home, but of course he was not there." "Did he take away all of his things already?" "No, only the most important stuff." "I lay in bed hoping he'd still show up." " Don't worry, he'll come back." "God dammit, all my resolutions to dump him are out the window again." "But you don't know the worst part yet." "My period is a week overdue." " Crap." " I hope you're not about to fall in love with this guy." "Ha, what makes you say that?" " You usually don't make it out of your bathrobe before noon, and today you are all gussied up at the breakfast table." "...brand new pants. fancy shirt your good china?" "Nonsense." " Do you have an aspirin in the house?" " Just a moment, I'll check." "Yep..." "well, no wonder." "The punch bowl had 4 bottles of vodka and you emptied half of it." " Who are you guys anyway?" " I am Fraenzchen, I was the cheese-girl with the wooden shoes last night." "...and she was the pink rose." " And what am I doing here?" "Well, you were supposed to stay with Walter, but certain circumstances brought you here eventually." " What circumstances?" " Um,... ya..." "Fraenzchen, aren't you running late for that meeting?" " My meet...?" " Yes, my meeting." " I'll help you to the door." " I know these types, Norbert." "When they have problems with their wives, they look for comfort in our arms." "...because we are so nice and understanding, but as soon as they land another woman,..." " Yeah, yeah..." "Take care." "Can I take a shower here?" " What?" "Sure!" "Of course you can." "The bathroom is right back there." " Tell me, what exactly happened with Walter?" " You know, that was a little embarrassing." "You were scared that Walter wanted to make a move on you, so you slept here." "and now Walter is a little mad." " With me?" "Typical." "What do you think is he very sensitive with things like that?" " How?" "What?" " If he is sensitive like that?" " You could call him that." " You have nice apartment!" " You really think so?" " I made all the lamps myself." " How much are you paying?" " 900 Euros, everything included." " Doro and I also had a nice place." " If you want, you can stay here for a few days." "There's plenty of space." " No, thank you, I would only get on your nerves." " Thats bull!" ", If you stay alone, you'll only get depressed." "If it doesn't work you can just move again." "You and I, together we could do some shopping, do some cooking, ... (thinking) "do each other..."" " I'll think about it." "(thinking) "I won't last long"" " One movie please." " Of course, a movie." " "New Clits on the Block" or "Young Daughters' Hot Thighs"" " Axel?" " What are you doing here?" " I am working on a presentation for our men's group." " Specifically the role-playing behavior of men in professional pornography." " To do this I have to bite the bullet and watch something like this once." "And you?" "What brings you here?" " Me?" "The same." "It's hard to believe unless you see it with your own eyes." " Isn't it appalling what they do to these women?" " I simply do not understand how someone can consider this to be erotic." "I've seen enough, I am leaving." " And you, you actually want to stay in here any longer?" " But I only just got here." " Me too." "But I am already getting nautious." " You're right, I am also feeling sick." " I better get out of here." " Outrageous." " Yes" " Well, take care, maybe I'll see you in the group?" " Yea, we'll see." " Ah, the gay guy called, said he won't be coming anymore." "He didn't give any reasons, but I'm quite glad, he was pretty obnoxious." "So, bye for now." " Take care." " Again, those hot thighs please." " Well, can you see anything?" "No." " Positive." " It's positive, don't you see the pink dot?" " You're just imagining things." " I'm not seeing things, I took this test 15 times." "I know what I am talking about." "You can only tell after one hour." " Well, it's been an hour." " No, we have 4 minutes left." " Maybe the dot will disappear." " You are pregnant, Doro." " Hurray." " Hi." " You scared the hell out of me." " What is this?" " Szewardnaze." " No worries, he's usually calmer." "He's excited because of the subway ride." " How cute." " I emptied a cabinet, so you have some space for your stuff." " What do you have in that case?" "Are you a photographer or something?" " I wanted to become one at some point." "But now I photograph chairs for a furniture catalogue." " I'll have to admit he's quite beautiful." " Who?" " The bird." "I'm putting him next to the window, so he has a view. ³" " Good." " He was a gift from Doro, I've become really attached to him." " He is always in a good mood." "I just haven't taught him how to talk yet, but I will." " He is extremely intelligent, you know?" "When he wants out of his cage he uses this awesome trick." " He plays dead." " It will take ages before we catch him again." " Doea he live with you now, or what?" " No, he'll just stay a few days, because he has no place to stay." " Aww, poor little lamb." " Waltraut, lose that grudge, he apologized." " You have a light?" "Do you know which way to the toilet?" " Thank you!" " We've got to go, now." " But why, we only just got here." " I will not stay another second in this joint." " But what happened?" " I will tell you on the way home." " But why go home, it's only 11." " We're taking the train, you know the drill." " Why can't he go by himself?" " My god, when Axel wants something we all have to jump." " Relax, so, he wanted to hit on you." " Why can't he just buy me a beer or something." " Why does he have to show me his monster cock?" "... in the bathroom!" " Should he have done it on the dance floor?" " No." " There you go then." " What is going on here?" " Damn, that was Szewardnaze." " Oh no" " Tell me this isn't real." " All my plants...," "Look at my ficus!" " I'm sorry, that really doesn't happen very often." " Dying forests, poisoned rivers, nuclear power plants everywhere and you have to go an bring children into this world." " Bravo" " Stop already, okay?" " And on top of all this it is from that jerk." "I don't understand you." " Did you talk to him about money?" " Doro has been looking for days, but noone knows where he's gone to." "And if I find him, I will first talk about marrying with him." " What?" "Are you out of your mind?" " After everything he's done to you, you want to get married to that asshole?" " You need a shrink?" " That's enough, Jutta.." "If anyone can call him an asshole, it is me, is that clear?" " Fine..." " Besides, the doctor said after another abortion I may not be able to have kids." " I simply don't want to risk it." " Doro, this guy has been nothing but trouble over the years." "What about that club-whore he was doing behind your back for months?" " But he admits he's made mistakes." " Doro, are you even aware that this child will change your life completely?" "No more clubbing or going to the movies." "There will only be the child from dusk til dawn." " She's right Doro..." "but if you ever want to go out..." "I'd be happy to babysit." " Yea, i was just going to offer that myself, if you ever need help." " I said it first!" " Can I take a look?" " You don't like them?" " Yes, very much." "Why don't you go for more than just furniture?" " Norbert, leave the cart already." "Let's just crab something at a resaurant." " I know this great steak house." "Going out to eat gets too expensive quickly." " Apart from that. cooking can be alot of fun." "Take a look around!" " All of these spices, you can get real creative with" " Oh, how terrific." " Did you even ever cook anything yourself?" " Of course. coffee, eggs..." " Well, in that case it's about time." " Why don't you put something in the shopping cart?" " You've got to be kidding me." " What?" "Pay close attention, first of all, I do not eat meat secondly, I can not stand the sight of blood." "...and lastly I don't want dead animals in my house." " Well, what are we supposed to eat then?" "Gruel or apple sauce?" " 'Sant Pier auf beure plom'" " What now?" " Cut!" " How?" " Like this" " Do you get any newspaper, so I can look for a room somewhere?" " I have a subscription, but it always gets stolen." " Who is stealing it?" " How should I know?" " What are you doing about it?" " What am I supposed to do?" " Stand up for yourself." " But how?" "Do you expect me to lay down there at 5 in the morning?" " What have I done to deserve this?" " What?" "You didn't even have to get up early .... because you never went to bed." "The fish was delicious, by the way." " Ooh, you'd make a housewife happy." "Grow some balls!" " I'm working on it." " What do we do if this guy waits til 9 to take my paper?" " So we wait til 9." " Shit." "What?" "I was just thinking of Doro." " Say, ... you never had anything with a woman?" "Yeah, or something like it." "I was about 17 or so..." "It has been a long time." "Well, I was lying in a sleeping bag with .... um , Marion was her name I think," "I thought she's probably expecting me to do something, so..." "I stuck my finger in her and she tried to return the favor somehow with her sharp fingernails." " It wasn't exactly erotic, so after a few minutes we gave up." " Is that all?" " Yes, and I don't feel like I am missing out on anything." " You straight men have some kind of Oedipus - mother complex." " Really?" " You all want to get back into your mommy's tummy." "And because that's not possible, you want to peak in with your wieners." ".... at least that is my theory of heterosexually" " By the way, I showed a friend of mine some of your photo work." " He's a publisher of a couple of magazines" " You did what?" " Someone needed to do it." " You could have at least asked." " True, anyway, he liked the pictures and has a few jobs for you." "You have an appointment at three, I'll give you the address later." " Slow down, you just... psst!" " Who lives on the first floor?" " Manfred Baker" " And?" " He may be the one." " This is a misunderstanding." "I just wanted to have a look into the TV schedule." " Listen to me very carefully." "I also live here now, and if there's no paper here in the moring ..." "I will go apeshit." " So, in case you pass by here in the future, and you see an empty mailbox you better go buy one and put it in there." "Because the next time it is missing I will hold you personally responsible." " Is that clear?" " Sure!" " Good" " Beautifully put, Axel." " So, I stand at the meat counter and I spot this new worker." "She's very young, maybe still a trainee..." "and she has a pretty large chest." " I mean, really big breasts." "And I though to myself:" " 'Dear Lord, that girl has huge tits'" " Literally, I didn't think, ' this young woman has a large chest, no." " The really thought: "Holy moly, this girl has huge tits"" " After two years of men's group." " I was so ashamed of myself." " and at that moment it was my turn, and I didn't know what to say." "I ordered baloney, even though I don't like it" " Baloney is clearly a phalic symbol" " No, sorry But I think the problem lies somewhere else." " Follow me on this one." "Meat and big breasts." " It must have opened up some sort of childhood trauma." " Rudiger, did your mother have a special relationship with sausages?" " How would you have responded if you had been at the fish counter." " Fish?" ""Why fish?" "Hello Axel" " Hey guys, solving problems again?" " What happened to you?" "You smile like you won the lottery?" " Well, I am doing well." "I have a new apartment and new job" " And now all I need is my suitcase." " So, take care." " Klaus-Dieter, when you give that presentation about the "Young daughter's hot thighs" ... let me know, I'm really interested to hear about that." " What presentation?" " Axel is right, there's nothing wrong with that word." " Why dramatize everything." " Tits!" "Tits, Tits, Tits" " And now?" " Hartlichstrasse" " To your Ex?" " Yes" " What if she's home?" " Nope, she's at work." " Except for the projector there's nothing else here?" " No, it all belongs to Doro." " Where is it?" " Over there" " This is us on the south coast." " Back then there were still wonderfully deserted beaches." " Take a look at this body." " Isn't that a great body?" " That is in the mountains, it was awesome." "We stayed in an abandoned cabin at the summit you couldn't get there with the car." "We had to put on our backpacks and went up on foot." "We froze our butts off, it was so cold." "The hostess made us some great food as soon as we got there." "Meatballs with bacon and stir-fried potatoes." " When we went to be we realized Doro forgot her sleeping bag." "So we shared mine." " It was so romantic." " Axel, is it ok if I take off some clothes, I am really hot..." " No, go ahead." " Again, nothing" " I went to everyone." "His sister, parents and buddies" "No one knows where he is." " Maybe it's time we inform the police?" " One more try, take me home!" " Home?" "Yes, home." "There's just noone else like Doro." "You only realize that when it's too late." " What was that ?" "Doro-It is in the ancient..." " No, no, no, the other one." " I wanted to try my camera's timer function." " Norbert!" "Hey, you're not wearing anything anymore." " Damn, it's Doro" " What?" " Go!" " Axel?" "Are you here?" " I'll take her to the bathroom and you sneak out quietly, got it?" " Axel..." " Doro..." " I was looking for you everywhere." "No one knew where you were." " Let me explain, I was..." " I missed you Axel..." "Doro " " Is anything wrong?" "You're acting weird." " Me?" "Weird?" " What makes you say that?" " I know you" " something's not right." " I just wanted to ..." " Is there a women here?" " What?" " In my house?" " Doro, there is no ABSOLUTELY NO woman, I swear!" " Where is she?" " Oh no" " She is not in the closet?" "!" " Doro, let's go to the bathrooms, ok?" " To the bathroom, ... right." "I want to see her, open the closet." " Doro, please" " Let me open the cabinet" " Good evening!" " Well, I better go now..." " Shit, shit, shit" " Doro, listen, I can explain." " It is not the end of the world." "It's important that you understand that ... you don't think I turned gay or something like that." "I'm really not gay." "Everyone is a little bi, we know that since Einstein." " Freud" " Right, Freud." " But I'm not even that!" " On the contrary, I missed you like crazy since I left." " I missed you too, but I didn't turn lesbian." " Doro, all this doesn't mean anything." "It's completely irrelevant, honestly." " I don't understand anything anymore." " we separate and after two weeks your gay and I am pregnant." " quite fitting, we both discover something new in ourselves." " What did you just say?" " I'm pregnant." "Doro-but, that is, .... that is fantastic" " Who's the father?" "You, you moron." " Is that true?" " Yes it is true" "Doro " " Bye" " Take care Norbert" " Will we meet again?" "I mean, just hang out?" "Yes, I'll call you sometime." " Ok." " And your stuff?" " I'll come pick them up." "♪ Noone is interested in me." "No-one calls, no-one thinks of me ♪" " Axel, you can't leave me alone in this state." "sorry, but I'm going back to Doro" " Ciao" " What is it Norbert?" "Already having contractions or what?" " Norbert, you have to push, push already!" " Yes great he's coming." " Yes, Norbert, yes!" "Such a beautiful little treasure." " Norbert, congratulations." "You did it." " The detonation of two atomic bombs in the center of Cologne 8 months ago month ..." " I'm sorry" " The detonation of two auto bombs in the center of Cologne 8 months ago  has been solved." " Good morning, Horst" " You were screaming in your sleep again." " The meatball murderer of Manhattan?" " Do you have to watch this stuff in the morning already?" " I am back from my night shift nocki" " And what does that have to do with anything?" " That's how I can relax the best." " And what does he do?" " It is a trained butcher." " Trained what?" " You heard correctly" " Can you imagine the conflicts I am having?" " I am a vegetarian and fuck a butcher." " That is a completely atypical profession for a homosexual." " Also, he's into soccer." " Soccer?" " Something is not right, or do you know a single gay person who likes to watch soccer?" " I don't" " And otherwise?" " So-so, It takes him a while to get going..." " Do I have to interrogate you?" " He has problems getting erections" " Happy?" " At his age?" " He's not exactly ta catch." " This has nothing to do with his age." "I think it's a mental issue with him." " If I may summarize." "Your friend is a butcher, soccer fan watches horror flicks, and cannot get it up?" " Where are we headed anyway?" " Surprise" " Dorothea, I wish you all the best," " Thank you Auntie Gisela" " When are you due?" "2 Weeks" " Do not let her get the upper hand." " Don't worry, grandpa." " I hope you'll have a happy marriage." "All the best." " Thank you Auntie Else." "Congratulations Axel" " Thank you Waltraut" " What are you doing here?" " I happened to see it in the paper." " I thought we'd just stop by." " We?" " We... of course." "Look, I even took off my mustache for this occasion." "It was a beautiful ceremony, Axel." "I cried like a baby." " Do you think Doro will still need her dress after the wedding?" " I'm sorry I didn't invite them" " The most beautiful day of my life." "I can still be." " I think we ought to go back to the reception." " Really?" "Do you?" " How about you listen to me, Axel." " I am your wife 9-months pregnant." " and I am pissed off that your homo friends are poking fun at me." "Those are not my homo friends." "I haven't seen these guys in months." "Only because I know some gay guys doesn't make me a fag." " Then why was there a naked man in my closet?" " I explained this a thousand times." " I didn't want you to see us in bed together." "Oh." " And what exactly were you doing in bed with him?" " We were looking at photo slides." "Nothing more." "Slides." " This whole thing is really ridiculous" " You're right." " I am probably a littl ..." " Sensetive?" " Sorry Axel, I'm just a little nervous because of the baby." " In two weeks we'll change that little dudes diapers." "And we'll be a real family." " A mommy, a daddy and a cry-baby." " Two cry-babies." " Let's go to bed, ok?" " Now?" " Why not?" " Everyone is waiting." " So you are not in the mood again?" " Of course I am in the mood." "We're not having a lot sex lately." "Did you notice?" " I did, but that's how it is for men, if it's always so hot outside." " But I want you now, not in the winter" " Ok, fine, let's go to bed then." " I don't want to ask too much." "If you want we can wait for winter..." "It's only a few more months." " We can take a break, so you don't strain yourself too much." "If you keep complaining I really won't be in the mood." "This bird will make me crazy." "I'll put him in the bathroom where he can be as loud as he wants." " I really do not understand why we have a bird We'll have a child soon." " Szewardnaze will stay." "He's part of our family." " Alright, alright." " Are you hungry too?" " Ok!" " Ok." "Forget it!" " I guess I'll wait for winter." "I have gotten used to abstinence." " Next weekend I am going to Renata in Bonn." "She's not doing so well after leaving Reiner." " How come?" " Reiner wanted have sex with her all the time, even in this heat." " Are you coming anytime soon?" "The food is getting cold." " What is that?" " Cold vegetable soup" "The sausage in there, is that for me?" " That is a tofu sausage." " That is not a real sausage again?" "This is a real tofu sausage." " So, is it a sausage or not?" " It is tofu sausage, I explained 100 times what tofu is." " So it's this vegetarian crap again?" "Why do I even spend all day in a slaughterhouse?" " To unnecessarily murder innocent animals?" " I murder no animals." " What are you doing then?" " I cleanse pig colons." "They're being used as hot dog casings." " This is a very clean job!" "You take one end, put it on the faucet and run water through it." " It's very rare that any shit gets stuck." "Of course, the whole thing gets processed and ends up in the sausage, but it's minimal and noone will notice." " Can we maybe change the subject?" " You wanted to know." " Are there any scallions in there?" " A few." " You know I can't stand scallions." " So put them back into the pot." "The whole soup tastes like scallions." "I am going out to get myself a "Currywurst"." " Currywurst." "With french fries." " Explain to me why I spent all day in the kitchen!" "Noone asked you to, so don't even start." "You didn't ask, but when it tastes good to you, you don't complain either." " Dick." " Axel" " Can we talk?" " Sure." "What is it?" " What you guys did at my wedding was really stupid." "All hell broke lose with Doro because of you guys showing up." " Complain to Waltraut." "I had nothing to do with that." " I did not even know where we were going." " Showing up at my wedding in dresses, that's just a bad idea." "No wonder, she'll lose it." " And while we're at it." "She still doesn't understand what you were doing in the closet." " To be honest, I don't either." "If I remember correctly  we were looking at a slideshow and wanted to get busy together." " To make this clear, I never intended to 'get busy with you'." " Regardless, she really thinks we did something." " We kinda did." " No we didn't." " You had an erection." " No, I didn't." " I have see plenty of erections in my life, and you had one." " Sure, to you people every straight man is a homosexual in disguise." "Right?" " No, that's wrong." "Only every handsome straight guy." " Ok, you decided to face the marital responsibilities." "You didn't even call once, and you picked up your stuff secretly in my absence." " What should I do?" "Doro gets angry if she hears the word gay." " That aside I had enough on my plate with the child and the wedding" "When is the baby due?" " About ten days." " And things are good between you and Doro?" " Yeah, things are going well." " And you?" "Yes, everythings going well, it has to." " I also have a new relationship." "It's also great." " Come on, let's go get something to drink." " We just can't wait any longer for the little one." " Wanna see a photo?" " A photo?" " It's infra-red." " I see nothing there" " The bright spot here..." " This is my son" " Cute" " Can I confide in you again?" " Sure, why not?" " You will not tell anyone, not even Waltraut, promise?" " I can't tell Waltraut we're talking here, she'd rip my head off if she knew." " I am actually not doing so well." "I have problems with Doro" " What a surprise." " Since she's pregnant she has been horny all the time, but I can't get myself to sleep with her." "It's because of her stomach." "I know it sounds dumb, but..." "In the beginning it was cool." "She got real nice boobs." " But now, shortly before giving birth, it's also a mental problem for me." " I hesitate to stick it in there, because I know the baby is in there." " My son!" "Sure, it's silly, but" "I just don't want the first thing he sees of his dad to be my penis." " Those are hetero-problems that I absolutely cannot even begin to grasp." " The worst thing is, I'm awfully horny myself, if you know what I mean." " I am always on the look-out for other women." " Why am I even telling you all this?" "You must be thinking, "When does he finally stop talking"." " No, no, it is very interesting I enjoy talking to heterosexually ... oriented fellow men." " Okay, I need to go." " Say hi to Doro" " Doro?" " If she knew I was sitting here with you she'd go bonkers." " If she so much as hears the name Norbert Brummer she throws a fit." " Why?" "She doesn't even know me." " Well, she's just afraid I could be gay, because then she wouldn't have any power over me anymore" " Take care Norbert." " You too, Axel" " I've got the check." " Axel?" " No way." "You are Axel Feldheim, right?" " Sure!" " Do we know each other?" " Don't do this to me." " Elke Schmidt!" " How long has it been?" " At least 8 years." " I thought you live in the states now?" "I do." "But my dad turned 60 and I flew in for his birthday." " Besides, I didn't want to miss the reunion." " You look real sharp now, you know." "I like you with short hair." " You're also pretty hot." "I almost didn't recognize you earlier." " I knew you by your eyes." "The sharp green eyes" " You probably still get into every woman's pants with those eyes, right?" " Those days are over by now." "when we took the pig tranquilizer." " Do as a center of yliœmy ¿¹ dual anesthetized for swine?" " Of course, how could I forget." " They were playing "Time is on my side" And we were on the ground in the crowd, fucking like animals in our sleeping bag" " By the way you were the first guy to give me an orgasm." " Oh..." " Yes, in your old beetle, on the back seat." " Oh yes, the beetle." " Do you still have the tattoo from the military?" "This naked woman?" " What should I do, you can't get rid of something like that." " I have a tattoo now too." "On my ass, a rose." " How long will you be in town?" " Til Monday." " If you want to, maybe we could ..." "Saturday night at my place...." " You know, I learned how to cook." " Egon, stay away from the bird" " Take it." " Sorry I am running late, i met an old friend." " Dinner is in the pan." "It's probably cold already." " Jutta, can you please cut back on the smoking." "It's unhealthy for Doro." "Doro-sorry, I should be more considerate." " That's ok." " Renata called a little earlier." "She met a new guy and she's feeling better." "So I won't be going to Bonn on the weekend." " No way, she split up with Rainer?" "Yep." "But now she's fallen for an Italian pizza baker." "He already moved in." "I bet it will end in disaster." "Renate hates Italy." "And she cut her hair short, looks horrible." " So you will not go to Bonn?" " No, I already said that." " Because I won't be there on the weekend." "I am going to a reunion." " What reunion?" "The friend I met just now, he told me about it." "Reunion, Saturday night." " I remember the postcard with an invitation for a reunion, but that was a while ago." " I didn't even see it then." " Anyhow, it's all good because they moved it to Saturday." " I guess I can spend a Saturday without you." " Ok, I'll go grab some food in the kitchen." "Very suspicious" " What?" " His look, I know it" " I don't like it at all." "Directory Service Cologne, Operator #4." " Good morning, I need the phone number of "Norbert Brommer"." "What do you think about all this?" " I think it's safe to say it's not the Salvation Army he's having meetings with." " I'm pregnant!" "He can't just cheat on me!" " Says who?" "Doro, I'll just take a short walk." "See you." " And now he's going to her to tell her they have to meet somewhere else, because you are staying home afterall." " I don't believe it." " No, I don't believe it" "Smellls like ...." " something's burning." "Is he insane?" "I guess he was in hurry." " Wow it seems to be urgent, take a seat." " Oh man, how should I explain this to you?" " Imagine you're walking through town without bad intentions and bump into an old class mate." " You look at him and think "Damn he's hot"" " So exactly the kind of guy that would make you weak." "Blue eyes, blond hair, whatever it is..." " Do we have any beer around here?" " How should I know?" " Am I responsible for your beer now, or what?" " Okay, okay, relax." " So I meet a school mate with blue eyes..." "Now what?" " Yes, exactly, blond and blue-eyed." "and..." "Can we maybe talk about this alone?" " Go get yourself some beer." " What's this all about?" "Secret tranny talk?" " Please." " I'm going already... handsome blond guys, huh?" " Who is that?" " My butcher." " Well, what about that blond boy?" " Oh, yes, ..." " Remember what I told you earlier about my problem." "Right after I ran into this old school mate of mine, Elke Schmidt" " In any event, she had her first orgasm with me." " And I have a date with her on Saturday." " Well, and I need an apartment for Saturday night." " You cannot be serious." " Norbert, I know it is shameless on my part, but" "I thought you may be able to understand me." " You want to have sex with a woman in my apartment?" " If I were you I'd mess up his plans for Saturday." " I would follow him and catch him in the act with this slut." " Check the phone number, whether it's..." " Let's try...!" " And what should I say? "Good evening, are you my husband's lover?"" " First see who it is." "Maybe you know her." " Oh, I don't know..." " Her name's probably Gabi, or Ulrike..." " Norbert, it will be two hours at most." "I'll put on new sheets and then I am out of here." " I do not understand why you make it so difficult." "You can go to the movies." " It's against principle." " Why did I march in Frankfurt 1979 holding a banner "Straight." "No, thanks!"" " Just so I can rent out my apartment to you and some woman can get an orgasm." " You homos always ask for understanding and tolerance, but as soon as you're asked yourself..." " What?" " If you ever meet a hot guy and you don't know where to take him, I'd let you into my home in a heartbeat." " but only if Doro is not home" " Norbert Brommer" " Doro, what, who was it?" " Oh my god Doro, say something." " Is it the contractions?" ", Doro!" " It was a guy!" " Uhuh, so she's married, too." " This was a homosexual!" " Fine, then forget about it..." " Maybe it was stupid of me to come to you." " I'm sorry" " Two hours" " What?" " After two hours, you will be gone, right?" " Two is enough Norbert." " And tell her not to moan too loudly." "Women are supposed to be very loud, and I don't want to be the topic of the week with my neighbors." " If Waltraut hears or this, I am a dead man." " You have nothing to worry about." " Also, please don't stain the sheets " "I'm referring to blood stains from menstruation, hymens and what else there is..." " As you know I can not stand the sight of blood" " Sure, Norbert" "That's the keys." "Listen." "We'll go see the late showing at the 'Visconti'." "It's some long movie." " You will have gotten her that orgasm and are out the door... by 1 AM at the latest...." "Understood?" " Thank you" " ... and there was that man in the closet Naked!" " Unbelievable" " I imagined he would screw up badly, but this?" " And just a few days ago he promised me he wouldn't have any business with this guy anymore." " He's back, come here, suck it up, he mustn't know." " Hey, I'm back" " Hello." " Don't tell me they all want to get into the Visconti." " I don't think so." " Look, "Death in Venice" is playing in the tiny theatre." " I hate living-room sized theatres." " The sound is crap the screen is crap and you are stuck in there like sardines." " So let's see Stallone then...!" " Is he serious?" " Sure, why not?" "It's probably a great movie." " Forget it." "I don't spend 10 bucks just to see some  Rambo kicking asses for two hours." "So let's just go in the small one." " Luticherstrasse, please." " I thought we were going to your place?" " Yes, we are going there right now, I just had an errand to run here." " Cool, they all went to see Stalone And we have the whole room to ourselves." "Good one... "room", three rows of seats and a screen the size of a TV." " But I like that we're here alone." " Don't worry." "They will come." " Who will come?" " The ones with bags of chips." " First, they get here late." "Then they sit down in the row behind you and then they eat and talk the whole movie long." " You're juat paranoid, Waltraut." " Please come in." " Make yourself at home." " Where is the toilet?" " Toilet..." " Come here I'll show you." " The door straight ahead" " Oh, no..." " Where do we sit?" " How about on our asses." " Can someone explain to me what these guys are doing here in this film?" " I am sorry I can't see anything there." "Do you want me to pee in the tub?" " Oh yes, it is separately." "One door over." " You don't really know your way around here, do you?" " Yes, if you're not home alot, like me..." " Give me those chips" " Go buy some yourself, asshole" " I would also love to have some popcorn right now." " Damn, didn't I have some cigarettes?" " Do you have them?" " Maybe they'll quiet down soon." " Maybe the earth is flat." " Wait a minute" " What?" " Let me get something..." " What is that?" " My dear, this is pure madness." " "Bull Power" A stimulating agent for cattle breeding." "The ranchers in Texas use it." "You just spray it under their noses and the bulls go wild." " Aha" " We are in the wrong room." " Don't talk shit." "Hey, listen up, this is the Stalone movie right?" " No, Stalone is playing in the big theatre." " He told me Stalone was playing in theatre 1." " You dumbass." " And you believe everything..." " What is this movie?" " "Death in Venice"" " Is this movie full of gay shit or what?" " How about you guys just shut it?" "I'd like to watch this movie in peace." " What did you say?" " Your brain is numbed and all you are is horny." " A little bit of brain can't hurt, no?" "It only interferes with the pleasures of sex." " This stuff will bring out your animal instincts." " You'll have the mental state of a Texan bull." " I don't know" " What's up with you, I don't know you like that." " Alright, I mean I don't need this stuff, but if you insist..." " Alright then." " Breathe in and hold your breath!" " You really know how to kick ass, do you do this alot?" "Well, sometimes you have to beat up people." " You've gotta be the straightest gay guy I have ever met." " One more word and you will catch one too." " How masculine." " Well, what do we do with the rest of the night, wanna go to the pub." " Sure, I always wanted to go dance with a nose-bleed." " First, we go to your place and I get cleaned up." " To my place?" "Of course to your place." "You live right around the corner." " But I have nothing to dress your wounds." " You should have water and a rag ." "Let's go already!" " Brommer Alfred, Brommer Bernhard, Brommer Norbert." " The same number." "Luticherstrasse" " You really don't want me to come?" " I'll take care of this myself." " You don't happen to have a revolver, do you?" " Don't you think we should go to a doctor." "You shouldn't underestimate nose-bleeds." " Bullshit." " You say that now, but maybe your nose is broken or you have a concussion." " Sometimes you sound like my mom." " Oh no." "What?" " I lost the keys to the apartment" " Damn." " I have a spare." " Oh, I forgot to turn off the lights." " I'm going to the toilet." " Towels are in the bathroom." " Later, first I need a drink." " Can you please let me through." " There's a naked hetero on your table grunting." " Can you explain what he is doing here?" " Axel" " Axel" " Norbert, what's he doing here?" " Hi, do you know this?" "Bull Power?" " You rented your apartment to a known hetero, so he can be undisturbed and screw some women." " Don't make this a big deal." " Fine, but where is this woman?" "Why is he crouching there like an orang-utan and doesn't say anything." " I'd like to know that, too." " Perhaps that's normal for straight folk?" " Maybe they fall into some kind of 'rigor mortis'." " Stop joking around, I am really worried." " He's responding to the bell." " Who is that?" " Hey!" "Ring the bell again." " Is my husband here?" " Axel?" "Axel?" "What did you do to him?" " He..." "I .." "I don't know..." " What did you do to him?" " Hothing, we did nothing to him." "What's going on here anyway?" " I saw this in a movie with Richard Burton and Liz Taylor." " What now?" " I think it's coming." " Axel, the baby, Axel!" " Elke?" " Elke?" " Elke" "Doro-..." " What?" " I will take you to the hospital now." "My husband will take me to the hospital!" " Your husband is sitting on to of a vintage living room table, thinking he is a primate of some sort." "And because of that you are now coming along." " And the butcher will give us a hand." " Butcher!" " Butch...er" " Help, help, my baby, they want to take my child." " Norbert you're going to the hospital and I'll take Axel there as soon as he's himself." " Butcher!" " Are you ok?" "Yes." "You think we'll make it?" " I assure you, I am just as clueless as you are." " I have no idea what happened to him." " Waltraut will bring him to the hospital when he's better..." " Is he a gay" " Who?" " Waltraut?" " Axel" " No, he's pretty straight." "That's why there's such a big fuss." " I understand" " Doro, don't let it get to your head." " He's actually a pretty good guy." "And he only loves you." " He kept telling me that." " I'm supposed to believe that?" " I give you my word of honor." " We're almost there." " Thank you, for taking care of me." " It's nothing," " Appendix or child?" " Child." " Doctor Redke, do you have time for a delivery?" " Not now!" " If you do not immediately help deliver this child I cannot vouch for your safety." " Mask!" " What is this?" " Hygiene" " Don't you want to take part?" " That's the last thing I want to do." " On the sign-in form it says you want to be there." " But I am not..." " Please believe me, it's an eye-opening experience for every father, young man." "DELIVERY ROOM" " What are you doing here?" "I could ask you the same." " But we better go now." " Go where?" "What's going on here anyway?" " Your girlfriend ran away with the Butcher and we are going to the hospital." " Your wife is waiting there for you." " What?" " Good luck." " Thanks." " Is this your first?" "It's such an important event for a young marriage." " I remember like it was yesterday, my husband was so happy." " Oh, it was just a wonderful time ³ When suddenly we were three in the family we loved each other even more." "Doro" " Get out." "Doro-please listen to me, I..." " Get lost, I don't want to see you anymore." "Doro-..." " Go away!" " .." "It was just aweful, Axel." " What?" " Blood .... everywhere." " You were there?" " The baby?" "is the baby all right?" " Of course the baby is ok." " It's still a boy." " A boy?" " I have a son" "Doro threw me out." " Good, you deserve it." " She;" "ll probably get a divorce and then she'll be gone." "and my son too." " Nonsense, she'll calm down." " You just have to give her a few weeks time to think about everything." " You think?" " I think!" " Don't you want to take a look at him at least?" " What?" " What do you think I mean?" " You can do that?" " Yes please?" " I would like..." " He wants to see his child." "Feldheim Dorothea is the mother" " At this hour?" " It is important." " One moment." " Norbert, I should thank you." " T agree." " For all that you have done for me, and for Doro ..." " I'll cook dinner for you some time ok?" "Oh, god help me." " Darn it, I am still on drugs." " So.. that's enough." "He needs to rest." "Please come back tomorrow." " did you eat breakfast?" "Good one." " Is anything open already?" " The train station." "Well..." " Did you hear of the latest research?" " What?" " Homosexuality is probably genetic." " Really?" " All depends on your genes" " What are you trying to say?" " No... nothing" " You do not have any gay relatives by any chance?" "No!" " Wait, my Uncle, and Doro has two I think?" "Ou ha!" "What Ou-ha!" " Well, I'm very curious..."