"Tommy." "Hmm?" "You buy me a drink, Tommy?" "Okay." "Sure." "You don't feel so good tonight, Tommy, eh?" "I'll be all right." "Two Maiden's Prayer!" "On the fire!" "I had a wife and a couple of kids, see." "And the house was almost paid for." "It was what they call half-timbered, with tapestry brick underneath." "My father, he live in a big house, too, with many butlers and maids." "Hmm?" "Oh, it doesn't matter." "People used to say, "You watch that Thompson boy." ""He'll go a long way in this world."" "I came a long way, all right." "One crazy minute..." "You want the Tabasco in it?" "Do you want the Tabasco in it?" "Hmm?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Okay." "What you do back home, Tommy?" "Bank." "What do you care what I did?" "Oh, I was just talking, Tommy." "Thank you." "That's right, don't lose any of it." "It's wonderful stuff." "She used to play that." "Give that to the band." "You go home so soon, Tommy?" "No, I'm going in there." "You feel bad, huh?" "You ask a lot of questions, don't you?" "What's that got to do with me?" "All right." "I got him." "Thank you." "Go ahead, heave-ho." "Hey!" "Give it to me!" "Gimme that gun!" "What happened?" "What you doing to him, you big bull?" "What's the smoke?" "Go on, get out of here!" "Somebody lit a firecracker." "I'll bring him out." "Let me have it, Dan!" "What do you care?" "Come on, let me do it!" "I'm not like the rest of the trash around here." "I don't fit, see?" "I'm not a crook!" "Come on now." "Don't you understand?" "I was the cashier of the First National Bank!" "I was going places!" "I had a future!" "Come on!" "Come on outside." "Cashier of the what?" "What's the matter, Tommy?" "What happened?" "Oh, you!" "You leave him alone, you big horse!" "Guy wants to burn his brains 'cause he was cashier of a bank." "No fooling!" "And I suppose you was the president of the bank!" "Who me?" "No." "Here." "I was the Governor of a state, baby." "What you were?" "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Move along now, and give your friends a chance." "And don't forget the Mayor, who didn't forget to remember the less fortunate on this cold election night." "All right, boys, mosey around to that tool shed right around the corner." "Don't forget, now." "Come on, boys, step right along." "There's a couple of bucks in it for you." "That's the boy." "Right around to the tool shed." "Could you use a couple of bucks?" "Who do you think you're kidding?" "Oh, I ain't kidding." "Soon as you finish your soup, mosey around to that tool shed." "They'll tell you just what to do." "Come on, boys." "All right, boys, step right up." "Take it easy." "Right over there." "Right around to that tool shed, fellas." "All right, come on, boys, give your friends a chance." "Come on, you're next." "Hold it, boys." "Come on." "There's plenty..." "Come on." "One at a time!" "Don't forget who give it to you, boys." "Soup guy sent me over." "Some soup, ain't it?" "Certainly kind of the Mayor to think..." "Never mind the applesauce!" "How do I get the two bucks?" "Very simple, baby face." "You just go down and vote for Mayor Tillinghast and come right back here and collect." "How do I know you'll be here?" "How do you know I'll be here?" "How do you like that?" "Listen to this guy." "You fill him full of soup and right away he don't trust nobody." "You got your soup, didn't you?" "Well, you'll get your two bucks!" "The nerve some guys got. "How do I know you'll be here?"" "Go around the corner to the barber shop on Van Buren, 2121." "Did you register?" "No." "It's all the same." "Look, when the guy asks your name, that's the watcher, see?" "You say, "Hello, Bill." Then he'll call out the right name for you." "You vote, and that's all there is to it." "2121 Van Buren." "What do you get for repeating?" "Who said anything about repeating?" "Where do you think this is, Hicks Corners?" "Some people is too lazy to vote, that's all." "They don't like this kind of weather." "Some of them is sick in bed and can't vote." "Maybe a couple of them croaked recently." "That ain't no reason why Mayor Tillinghast should get cheated out of their support!" "All we're doing is getting out the vote." "The watcher will give you a ticket." "What if I give you two tickets?" "Two tickets is four fish." "And three is six?" "And four is eight." "You can't get away from arithmetic." "Give me one of them lists." "Smart guy!" "Next!" "Twenty..." "What?" "What do I..." "Your name, please." "Oh, yeah." "Hello, Bill!" "Hello, hello, hello, hello!" "Rufus J. Widdicombe, 165 North Clark Street." "How you been, Rufus?" "Fine, Bill." "Sit right down." "Rufus J. Widdicombe." "Widdicombe." "Just pull the handle, Rufe." "Well, so long, Bill." "So long, Rufus." "Give my regards to Minnie." "Yes, I'll tell her you were asking for her." "Hello, Bill." "Well, hello, hello." "How you been?" "Oh, fine, fine." "That's the stuff." "I've got another list here." "Emanuel J. Goldberg, 117 Davidson Road." "Right this way, Mr. Goldberg." "Dr. Heinrich L. Schutzendorf." "Thank you, Heinrich." "Dr. Heinrich L..." "Why, I could have sworn Dr. Schutzendorf was dead." "Not yet, lady." "Not quite." "Well, I ain't going to wait around here all night." "I got a right to eat, ain't I?" "The guy's had time to vote 10 times." "I'm going to take a powder." "If you see him, you tell him I got something better to do than..." "Here you are." "From the time you took, anybody'd think that you..." "There you are, 37." "Thirty-seven?" "You heard me." "Sixty-four bucks?" "Seventy-four bucks." "Seventy-four..." "Hey, Mike, come in here a minute." "You might..." "Seventy-four bucks?" "Well, look, I been paying off a little heavier than I figured today." "How would you like to meet me someplace tomorrow?" "You wouldn't care for that, huh?" "Well, you'll get your dough." "You don't have to look side-wise at everybody." "Come on, we'll go down to the club." "You'll get your dough." "I'll let you wear my coat when we get down there." "Hey!" "Over there!" "Come on out this week." "Wait here." "Thirty-seven." "What do you mean he voted 37 times?" "He voted 37 times and I need the dough to pay him off." "I don't believe a man can vote 37 times." "I tell you he voted 37 times." "Who voted 37 times?" "Oh, evening, Boss." "Good evening, Mr. Mayor." "Evening." "A lug I got outside here." "He voted 37 times but Charlie won't give me the dough for him." "All I say is..." "Pay him off." "See what kind of service I'm giving you, Wilfred?" "Bring the lug in." "We want to look at him." "We certainly do." "Hello." "Come on, give me that dough." "Hey, you!" "Quit feeding your face and come on in here." "Markoff?" "This is the lug, eh?" "Yeah, this is him." "Don't you know you ain't supposed to vote more than once?" "Who are you?" "Who am I?" "A tough guy, huh?" "You like the dark meat, eh?" "You got him now?" "A landslide?" "A landslide." "Thanks, Yiffney." "A tough guy, huh?" "Come over to the bar, Wilfred." "You, too, tough guy." "Set them up." "What'll you have, boys?" "Orange juice." "Orange juice?" "How's my back hair, Flossie?" "What did he say?" "Give me a double pecan fudge twist with two cherries on it." "What did you say?" "Give me a boilermaker." "A what?" "A slug of whiskey and a glass of beer." "Where's he been?" "A funny guy, huh?" "I guess you don't know where you are." "That's right, and I don't care, neither." "A wonderful feeling." "Anyway, the gentleman to your right happens to be the Mayor of this city, the Honorable W. H. Tillinghast." "That gink?" "And me, I happen to be somebody you'd better not forget the next time you see me." "So just to help you remember..." "Hey, cut it!" "The guy don't know no better." "I'll take care of him later." "Okay." "Mayor Tillinghast wins the election!" "Congratulations, Wilfred." "Now listen, you!" "Take your finger out of my face!" "That guy kills me." "He thinks he's me." "Yes?" " That slug is here." "Send him in." "Got a new suit." "It looks more like the suit got you." "Listen, you..." "Now you listen for a change." "The reason you're alive and walking around in that horse blanket isn't because I like you, see?" "It's because I can use some guts in my business." "Not guts behind a gun, see?" "Anybody's got that, but with the bare mitts, like I got." "There's been too much rod play in this city and it's unhealthy." "It introduces a very bad element." "Like Louie, see?" "Take away his rod and what you got left?" "A violet!" "What I'm in is a business, and business got to be run businesslike." "When a customer is late and a guy like Louie handles him, he discontinues to be a customer." "You think you're tough, eh?" "Tough enough!" "I could slap you down with one hand." "You and who else?" "All right, I haven't got time now." "You'll find out." "In the meanwhile, if you want to do some collecting, you got a job." "I'll give you a few names that are behind and if you can collect, you get 20%." "I pay hospital bills, too." "Protection, huh?" "And good protection." "If it wasn't for me, everybody'd pick on them." "They'd be at the mercy." "Now, you start..." "Yeah, you start with Madame La Jolla." "She runs a kind of fortune telling parlor." "And you tell that old battleaxe it's $250, or Madame La Jolla doesn't Jolla any more." "You get me?" "I work and slave and give the best years of my life to put away a few miserable bucks with the sweat of my brow, and then you bloodsuckers suck it away from me." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself to gouge a poor honest old woman." "You got the entirely wrong slant on this." "No, I haven't!" "Yes, you have." "Now, wait a minute, Miss..." "Just call me Juliet." "Juliet." "You got to pay protection." "Do you want to be at the mercy of every slug that wears a uniform?" "You want the fire commissioner telling you that your joint is a trap?" "Or the health inspectors telling you that your air is vicious?" "Or the plumbing inspectors saying that your pipes stink?" "Now, look, Juliet, you need somebody to cooperate all those guys and protect you from human greed." "You got to pay somebody." "Now, buying from us is just like getting club rates." "Well, I'm just a poor old woman, but you explain everything so nice." "How much was it?" "Two-and-a-half yards?" "That's right." "Thanks." "You're a nice looking boy to be doing this kind of work." "Do you want to go upstairs and have your fortune told?" "No, thanks, Juliet." "This is strictly business with me." "Well, you know where it is." "You can't put a black king on a black queen, Benny." "Who says I can't?" "It's a guy alone." "Well, let him in." "You Benny Felgman?" "What about it?" "You can't put a black king on a black queen." "Who are you?" "The Boss sent me over." "He says you're late again." "Has he got a grudge against you?" "No, he just gives me the easy work." "Oh, yeah?" "Now, look!" "Wait a minute, Benny." "Don't slug him." "He's green." "I'm going to let you off easy, see?" "Now, you go back and tell him I don't want any trouble, see?" "I don't need any protection from him or nobody else, and if he don't like it, he knows where I live." "Now, look." "What's the sense of taking that attitude?" "Get that hand off there." "We're trying to run everything smooth and brotherly." "Why don't you just fork over the 500 fish and save yourself a shellacking?" "What?" "Wait a minute, Benny." "Don't slug him." "What're you gonna do if they send some big rough guy down..." "That's what I'll do!" "Wait a minute, Benny." "What're you doing?" "Don't slug him, mister..." "Out of the way, fleabag!" "What did he ever do to you, pal?" "You can't expect..." "Are you Swartzie Saunders?" "Just a minute, you." "Listen, you little slob." "I showed one guy today he needed protection and I got enough left to show you." "You'd think you guys was doing us a favor or something." "Hey, you." "Huh?" "Jump in." "I'll take you for a ride." "Come on." "That's quite a suit!" "You collected, huh?" "250, 400 and 500, 1,150 bucks." "Count it." "I guess you think you're kind of hot stuff, huh?" "All right, keep the change." "Keep what change?" "I got 20% coming." "I said keep the whole wad." "I never expected to collect it, nohow." "Then what's the idea of sending me out?" "I'm glad you didn't disappoint me." "For a minute I was afraid you were going to say thank you." "You're a card, you are." "Yesterday you was a hobo on the breadline, today you got a thousand berries and a new suit." "I wonder where you'll be tomorrow." "This is a land of great opportunity." "Now, you take me, for instance." "Where I come from is very poor, see." "All the richness is gone a long..." "What makes this bus so quiet?" "You don't hear nothing in here." "It's armored." "All the richness is gone a long time ago, so everybody lives by..." "Armored for what?" "So people shouldn't interrupt me." "So everybody lives by chiseling everybody else." "It comes to me very natural." "If I live 500 years ago, I guess I be a baron maybe, a robber baron." "I live on a rock, chisel the city down below and everybody call me Baron." "Now I live in a penthouse and everybody call me Boss." "Everybody except you." "I get it!" "Bullet-proof, huh?" "That's right!" "And if you think I'm not the Boss, you try and cross me up sometime." "You got me all atremble." "I bet you're scared to death of yourself." "All right, you asked for it!" "Then she says, "You and who else?" And I says, "Oh, yeah."" "And she says, "Yeah is right."" "So I says, "You and me both." She says, "That goes double for me."" "I says, "Oh, yeah?" Then the operator says," ""Deposit another 25 cents for three minutes."" "So I hang up on her." "You let them get an angle on you, you're a goner." "You said it." "You telling me!" "But he was always a little muscle-bound, see." "I could beat him to the punch." "Boy, we had some brannigans!" "Thought you said you were the Governor of a state." "Yes, you was just a cheap crook." "Well, you got to crawl before you creep, don't you?" "I collect the chicken-feed for a while, see?" "Then the guy makes me an alderman and I move in on the second floor." "You know, bus franchises, garbage disposal, nice stuff." "$100,000!" "That's what they tell me." "But that's a confounded outrage, Mr. Alderman!" "Even in the days of Boss Herman we didn't pay that price for franchises." "Even in the days of Bathhouse Jake!" "Those boys were pikers compared to this mob." "Oh, you don't mean that, Mr. Maxwell." "You've got to remember that everything's gone up." "Living expenses is higher." "There's an income tax now." "You're dealing with a better class of men." "Bathhouse Jake!" "I will not pay graft!" "Millions for defense but not one cent for tribute." "Well, you could call it advertising." "No, sir!" "Yes?" "Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Dangerfield," "Alderman McGinty's in conference just now." "I certainly will." "Thank you." "Go on, Skeeters." ""Back of this agitation, said the Mayor," ""are so-called pious men who have accepted money" ""from racketeers and gamblers in sanctimonious secrecy." ""The petition was filed by Dr. Jonas J. Jarvis," ""Chairman of the Civic Purity League, Incorporated."" "They're always talking about graft, but they forget if it wasn't for graft, you'd get a very low type of people in politics, men without ambition." "Jellyfish." "Especially since you can't rob the people, anyway." "Sure." "How was that?" "What you rob you spend, and what you spend goes back to the people, so where's the robbery?" "I read that in one of my father's books." "That book should be in every home." "What a racket." "That's what I..." "Shut up!" "Quit sucking your clackers, you." "And don't drop your truck on the carpet." "Now, get out of here." "All of you!" "Get me Jarvis." "I suppose you saw the afternoon papers, huh?" "They cut down good trees to print stuff like that on them." "Look, Jonas." "We need a new face, clean, typical American." "Upright, dependable, somebody they don't know too much about." "What do you think of McGinty?" "The Alderman." "Never heard of him?" "Well, that's just what I'm talking about." "So long." "McGinty." "McGinty, wait a minute!" "McGinty, please!" "Be back in a little while." "Yes, Mr. McGinty." "Just a minute, McGinty." "McGinty!" "McGinty!" "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" "This guy'll pay two and a quarter, this Maxwell." "No." "I just left him." "That's the only good news I heard all day." "Now, listen." "Do you want to be reform mayor?" "What do you mean, reform mayor?" "Well, what do you think it means?" "Don't make me say everything twice, will you?" "I'm a little irritated today." "I said, do you want to be reform mayor, the mayor of this city?" "Well, what do you got to do with the Reform Party?" "I am the Reform Party." "What do you think?" "Since when?" "Since always." "In this town, I'm all the parties." "Do you think I'm going to starve every time they change administrations?" "Well, then, where does Jarvis come in with his Purity League?" "Don't ask so many questions, will you?" "I ask if you want to be reform mayor." "You can give me a plain answer." "Well, sure." "I guess so." "All right, you're in." "You'll have to kiss a lot of babies, squeeze a lot of mitts." "Wear your old clothes." "They don't want no dudes after Tillinghast." "I'll tell Jarvis about it." "Oh, another thing." "You got to get married right away." "What do you mean get married right away?" "What do you think it means?" "Don't make me say everything twice again, will you?" "Women got the vote now." "Maybe you didn't hear about it." "They don't like bachelors." "Oh, they don't, huh?" "Well, if they don't like them, they can lump them." "What's the matter with you?" "Are you nuts?" "No." "I'm playing hard to get." "Daniel, don't you know what marriage is?" "Don't you know that marriage has always been the most beautiful..." "Well, the most beautiful setup between the sexes?" "Don't you know that a man without a wife is like a coat without the pants." "Like a pig with out a poke." "Why, the marriage is the most..." "All right, why don't you try it?" "Because I ain't running for mayor." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, I ain't neither." "Poke that in your pig." "Now the guy wants me to get married right away." "How do you like that one?" "Married?" "What for?" "Because the women got the vote now and they don't vote for single men." "Guy wants me to run for mayor." "Reform mayor." "Oh, but that's wonderful, Mr. McGinty." "Where's the bourbon?" "Under "E"." "Oh, I'm so happy for you." "We must drink to it." "I'll get some ice." "Yeah, wonderful!" "Wonderful in a pig's foot." "Why, we'll have more fun than a barrel of monkeys." "That is, if you take me with you." "What are you talking about?" "I told him to go fly a kite." "Catch me telling some rib where I've been till 2:00 in the morning, or "How did you get the lip rouge on your hat, Oscar?"" "I don't think it's so bad as all that, Mr. McGinty." "Listen, I know all about it." "My parents was married." "You're not gonna catch me walking the floor all night with an armload of little muzzlers screaming in my kisser." "You mightn't have any." "What do you mean I mightn't have any?" "They never had less than eight on either side of my family, usually 12." "I don't want to go into that, of course, Mr. McGinty, but they don't yell so much." "Anyway, it sounds like music to the father." "Well, I don't like music neither." "It's entirely up to you, of course, Mr. McGinty." "As a matter of fact, I don't care any more about marriage than you do." "But I'd certainly think twice before I'd turn down an opportunity like you have, even with the drawback." "Why, you can ride in all the parades, welcome all the potentates, lay all the cornerstones." "Yeah, in a silk hat." "The municipal bricklayer." "Oh, I suppose it just seems so wonderful to me because it's so far beyond anything I could ever hope for." "And because I'm so interested in your career, Mr. McGinty." "You're a sort of a favorite of mine." "Thanks." "But if you think I'm going to get hitched to some dame" "I don't even know or give a whoopdedee..." "How about Miss Lucy Dangerfield?" "In spades, that dame." "Well..." "I'd be willing to do it for you, Mr. McGinty." "Huh?" "You see, I don't want to get married either." "I feel the same way you do about it." "This way we'd both be protected because..." "Well, there's always someone who wants you to marry them, isn't there?" "We'd never have to see each other except to be photographed on the steps of the City Hall." "I could run your house for you and make speeches for you at the women's clubs." "Be a lawful wedded wife in everything except when we were alone." "You see, I've already been married." "What's that got to do with it?" "Huh?" "Oh, if that's Lucy, tell her I'll be a little late." "I got to think this over." "Yes, sir." "Hello?" "Well?" "Does he have to drive that way?" "He's kind of nervous." "He don't want the boys to eat everything up before he gets there." "I ordered a swell feed for you." "Oh, a big blowout." "Oh, but..." "You like caviar?" "Yes, of course, but..." "And borscht with sour cream, and bleenies, shashlik, and more booze than you ever seen in your life." "This is going to be some smear." "Oh, I'm terribly sorry." "It's wonderfully kind of you, but I can't come." "I..." "Why not?" "I'm expected home, I didn't have time to explain everything..." "What kind of wedding is this?" "Well, can't you come for a little while maybe?" "Oh, I can't." "It's almost 6:00 and..." "All right, send her home in a taxi!" "There's plenty of dames." "Listen..." "She'll go home in any kind of a rig she wants to, and you keep your big trap shut." "Listen, you..." "Come on, boys, not on the wedding day." "Please." "And what a wedding." "Here, doggie, here doggie." "Will you quit wiggling?" "I want wagadog." "Lay off that dog while you're clean and sweet." "Wouldn't hurt to give him a bath either." "Dunk yourself in that, now." "Well, I'll see you at the office tomorrow." "Thank you so much for bringing me home." "Like to come up and have a drink and see where I live?" "Well, I really ought to be getting down there." "One of us ought to be there." "Well, goodbye." "Goodbye." "Oh, let them wait." "Sure, I'll come up and have a drink with you." "You stick right there, buddy." "Yes, sir." "Oh." "Mr. McGinty." "Yeah?" "I did tell you I was married before, didn't I?" "Sure." "What about it?" "Oh, nothing." "I never can find this key." "I divorced him on grounds of desertion." "I don't know where he is and I don't care, either." "You ought to put it on a little chain and hook it on the bag." "Be a good idea, wouldn't it?" "There's something else I probably should have told you before, but I really don't see that it makes the slightest difference, do you?" "There it is." "Do you like gin or..." "Well, that's all I've got, anyway." "Take your hat?" "That was his idea." "I think you look very well in it." "Hmm." "Like a coal stove." "I suppose we are really married, aren't we?" "I mean legally?" "That's what the guy said." "I..." "I don't want you to think that" "I've been concealing anything from you." "There's no reason why I should, is there?" "It's just that in the excitement, I..." "You what?" "Sit down, Mr. McGinty." "Rub it the other way, will you?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "You see..." "You come back here, you little monkeys!" "After that hot bath you'll catch your death!" "Hello, Mommy!" "Hello, Mommy!" "That's what I had to tell you." "They're mine." "Now you know." "Thank you." "Yes, ma'am." "Sorry it's a little bit dark in here." "I don't think the current is switched on yet." "No, not until tomorrow." "I just paid the deposit today." "I got some matches." "I brought a candle." "Huh." "Now, this is the foyer." "In there, there's a powder room, and a large closet, and a door leading to the pantry." "The living room." "Hey, kind of big, ain't it?" "You wait." "Wait a minute." "The dining room." "Here we are, back in the living room." "Say, this is some dump." "What's the damage on it?" "They make a very special rate for mayors." "Of course, if you shouldn't be elected..." "That'll be their tough luck." "You know, I like that last room for the kids." "Fix that up with all sorts of stuff that they like." "A doll house and one of those slides, you know, and some railroading for the little fellow, and..." "Shoot the works, you know." "That's very kind of you, Mr. McGinty." "Holy smoke." "Well, you only live once." "Now, if you'll give me some idea of how you'd like the furniture in here," "I could get that, too." "Oh, sure." "Well, I..." "Yeah." "I'd get a piano for over here..." "Maybe over there, then over on the other side, I'd kind of put something to sit on or something." "Then I'd..." "Um." "Well, I guess that takes care of that." "Would you like curtains at the windows?" "That's a good idea." "Sure." "Maybe a rug on the floor?" "Why not?" "Maybe a bearskin." "Possibly, yes." "I think I have your general thought." "Here's the balcony." "Hey, this is pretty ain't it?" "Yes, it is." "What's that across the street, a church?" "Mmm-hmm." "Ring a lot of bells?" "Oh, I don't think so." "Well, I guess we've seen everything." "Mr. McGinty." "Yes, ma'am." "I just wanted you to know that even though our marriage is a peculiar one, it's made me very happy." "Well, it's a cinch we ain't got nothing to fight about like people that's in love with each other." "Yes, that is a cinch, isn't it?" "Hey, wait a minute." "What's the matter?" "They're having my parade tonight." "I almost forgot." "Why, so did I, Your Honor." "I want to see that." "Come on." "Extra." "Read all about it." "Tillinghast trails." "Extra." "Extra!" "Read all about it." "Tillinghast trails." "Extra." "Extra!" "Read all about it." "Tillinghast trails." "Extra." "Extra!" "Read all about it." "Extra." "Extra!" "Read all about it." "Miss Catherine!" "Yes, Bessy?" "Here it is." "Hot ziggety." "What is it, Mommy?" "Ladies and gentlemen, the Mayor." "Mr. McGinty!" "Oh, I'm terribly sorry." "How stupid of me to leave all this stuff here without even a nightlight." "Or a red lantern." "Very pretty." "I'm so sorry." "I think it's covered by insurance, though." "Collision." "It's nice of you to take it so good-naturedly." "Many men would..." "Oh, I forgot to congratulate you." "On that?" "On being mayor, silly." "I mean, Your Honor." "Congratulations yourself." "Now, if you'll be kind enough to show me where I live in this boneyard." "I'll be glad to show you." "Mr. McGinty!" "Had it coming to me." "Now, if you'll only let me help you." "There." "There." "You'll be all right now?" "I never felt better in my life." "Good night." "Don't you think you'd better take your shoes off?" "I'll take them off later." "Oh, no, you don't!" "That's been tried before, sister." "Why, Mr. McGinty!" "Huh?" "Oh." "I'm sorry." "Here, go buy yourself a hat." "I don't want your money." "I was just trying to make you more comfortable, that's all." "I'll tell you a little secret." "What?" "I'm as drunk as a skunk." "Oh, of course you're not, Mr. McGinty." "Now, you go right straight back to bed." "What do you mean by getting up at this time of the night and coming in here?" "Now, I'll be in, in a minute and if you're not in bed, I'll..." "I'm terribly sorry, Mr. McGinty." "They have no business coming to this part of the house in the first place, and..." "The only thing I'm sorry about is they had to see me like this." "But how can the city even contemplate a municipal bus line when it has a 99-year contract with me?" "A contract that you may even remember something about, Mr. Mayor." "Look, Mr. Maxwell, I'm only the Mayor, see?" "Now if it was up to me, I'd make you a free gift of all the bus rights to this city." "I think you run a beautiful bus." "I travel on them myself, and I'll be genuinely sorry to see them disappear from our streets." "Disappear?" "But there must be some way, some solution of mutual satisfaction." "I don't know how to talk to a mayor, but if I could only persuade you that..." "You can't persuade me, Mr. Maxwell, because it's entirely out of my hands." "But I'll tell you what I'll do, just for old times' sake." "I'll send the chairman of the Bus Committee up and if you can persuade him, it's all right with me." "Is he difficult to persuade?" "Well, he probably ain't impossible." "Glad to see you looking so well." "But, Mr. Mayor, can't we..." "Drop in again some afternoon, we'll go to a ball game." "You like baseball, don't you?" "Well, I'm not a fan by any means." "You know, that's where you fellows make your biggest mistake." "Yes..." "You worry too much about business and contracts and the flaws in them and things like that." "Get out in the open, fill your lungs with fresh air, forget your troubles." "Yes, but let me..." "Now, look at that crowd." "How many people do you think there were at that game?" "I'm sure I haven't the faintest idea." "Look again." "How many people do you think there are in that photograph?" "Ten thousand." "Now..." "Guess again." "Twenty thousand." "Mr. Mayor..." "You're not even warm, Mr. Maxwell." "Well..." "Oh." "You mean it's more like 40,000?" "It's more like it, but that ain't it." "Mr. Mayor, about that flaw you mentioned..." "There's no flaw in that photograph, Mr. Maxwell, it's perfect." "What was your last guess?" "Fifty thousand?" "There were 75,000 people in that stadium." "Ain't that wonderful?" "Seventy-five thousand filling their lungs with nature's own sunshine." "I'll send the guy up to see you." "Goodbye." "I pray the Lord my soul to take." "Amen." "I pray the Lord my soul to take." "Amen." "And God bless..." "Papa who went away, and Mama, and Uncle George, and Bessy and Brownie." " And..." " And..." "And Mr. McGinty..." "And Mr. McGinty." "...who has been so kind and generous to us all." "Who has been so kind and generous to us all." "Amen." "Amen." "Oh, no, you don't!" "You're going to bed!" "Please, Mommy!" "No, darling." "You've got to go to bed." "Please play one more game!" "Please, Mommy." "No, darling." "Not tonight." "Please!" " Blindman's bluff." "All right, just one more game of blindman's bluff, and this is the last one." "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten." "Here we go." "Fee, fi, fo, fum." "I smell the blood of an Englishman." "You're moving." " I am not." "You are moving." "Hello." "Hello, Uncle George." "Hello there, fellas." "How are you?" "Don't you say anything." "We got to hide." "Now you're just gonna get me in wrong." "Where are you?" "You'll be sorry for this when I find you." "Oh, hello, George, I'm sorry I'm not dressed yet." "Those little brats!" "I'll..." "You haven't seen them, have you?" "Huh?" "Well, just how do you mean that?" "You have seen them." "Now..." "Why, you little monkeys, come on out of there." "Oh, now, Catherine..." "And you, too, you little vixen." "You're going to get a good spanking for this." "I don't think they meant any harm, honey." "You save your "honey" for someone else." "Stop it!" "Darling, don't cry." "And you two there..." "Land sakes, what's going on?" "Here, here, let Bessy take you." "The tenth time they've played it, and this time they're going to get a good spanking." " Now, stop it!" " Don't scold them." "Stop it, Donnie." "Mary, stop it." "Now, stop it, both of you." "I'll tell Mr. McGinty on you, then you'll see." "You'll see what?" "Oh, good evening, Mr. McGinty." "I'm sorry you had to walk in on this." "I seem to be always apologizing for them." "I just used your name to f-r-i-g-h-t-e-n them." "Oh." "Good evening." "I think you could be a little more polite, George." "Why should I be polite?" "I don't like him." "Well, you are in his home." "Bessy, put them to bed, and I'll get dressed as quickly as I can." "Come on, darling." "Playing pool tonight, Your Honor?" "You know, funny thing happened to me the other day." "I'm playing the 12-ball for the side pocket and the blue ball's right in the way." "I look over behind the eight rock, and do you know what happened to the eight rock?" "Come in." "Come in." "Put it on the bed, Bessy." "Did you wash out those other stockings?" "No, I was baking a cake." "Why, Mr. McGinty." "What are you doing in my room?" "Look, who's this lug that gives me the "good evening" every night when I get here?" "Just George." "What does he do, room here?" "Well, of course he doesn't, Mr. McGinty." "He always wanted to marry me, and since I'm still free in a way he just takes me out to dinner, that's all." "We always go to very quiet places where I won't be seen, or up to his flat." "Oh, yeah?" "Tell him to hand me just one more" ""good evening" like he give me tonight, and I'll hand him something that'll take his mind off marriage for good." "Where does that bozo get off to be propositioning my wife, anyway?" "You mean proposing, Mr. McGinty." "And he doesn't any more." "He just takes me out to dinner." "Can't you eat home once in a while?" "Is there anything the matter with the grub around here?" "Well, if there were, Mr. McGinty, you wouldn't know it." "What have I got to do with it?" "I don't think you have anything to do with it, Mr. McGinty." "I'm running your house as best I can," "I go to all sorts of clubs and meetings," "I'm photographed all the time." "You've already got the women's vote." "If I choose to go out quietly with some old friend instead of sitting alone in the evenings, I don't really see that..." "I'm..." "I'm sorry." "It's all right." "No hard feeling." "Of course not." "You know, why don't you..." "Why don't we have dinner together sometime?" "I'd be glad to, Mr. McGinty, anytime except tonight." "You know, if you told anybody we'd been living like this just down the hall for six months, neither one of us ever given the other one a thought," "they wouldn't believe it." "That's right." "Even if it was true, they wouldn't believe it." "Here it is, Miss Catherine." "It took them a little longer than..." "Put it on the bed." "Yes, sir, Mr. Mayor." "You know that john squatting in the front parlor?" "Yes, sir, Mr. Mayor." "But, Mr. McGinty..." "Tell him he's barking up the wrong tree." "Yes, sir, Mr. Mayor." "Daniel..." "Say that again." "Daniel." "I must have been blind." ""But they had to get up pretty early" ""to be smarter than Willie Rabbit," ""because he was as full of brains as a dog is full of fleas." ""Just as he got to the edge of the field by the old split rail fence," ""a shadow fell across his path." "And who do you suppose it was?" ""I'll give you three guesses and then three more," ""and three other ones," ""but you could try all night without guessing who it really was," ""because it was none other than..."" "Darling." "Just a minute." ""None other than our friend Muggledy Wump, the tortoise."" "That's who I thought it was." "They love you so." "To think I used to use you as the bogeyman." "I don't feel no different towards them than if they was mine." "They're so proud of you." "It hurts sometimes." "They think you're George Washington and Abraham Lincoln rolled together." "Only finer." "Donnie had a fight on your account today." "He did?" "The little son of a gun." "What about?" "One of the boys heard his father say you were a grafter, and he shouted it out at recess." "Donnie didn't know just what it meant, but he hit him anyway." "Too bad, isn't it?" "I thought you didn't care about that." "What's that slogan of yours?" ""You can't rob the people because what you rob you spend"" "and something or other?" "I wasn't married to you then, Dan." "I think you're a fine man, Dan." "Who, me?" "Yes, you." "I think you're a fine, honest man with decent impulses and everything else." "I couldn't have been as close to you as I have been and be mistaken." "I don't think I could love you so much." "I know I couldn't admire you so much." "What have you been drinking, catnip?" "Oh, you're just a tough guy, McGinty." "You're not a wrong guy." "If you were on the other side of the fence, you'd play just as hard the other way." "You mean a dick?" "I don't mean anything in particular." "I just mean that to have all the power and the opportunities you have to do things for people, and never to do anything except shake them down a little, it seems like a waste of something." "It doesn't balance." "Do you understand?" "What are you trying to do, reform me?" "Oh, I'm just being dull." "I guess" "I went to one lunch too many this week." "I've heard so much about sweatshops, and child labor, and firetraps the poor people live in, I..." "I couldn't do anything about those things if I wanted to, honey." "Those are the people he works with." "They're the people that put me in." "You've got to understand how those things work." "You mean you would do something if you could?" "What?" "Something about the tenements, maybe." "Why?" "You got some relatives living down there?" "Oh, you know I haven't." "Oh, you just like that stuff, huh?" "Don't you know those people just want to be let alone?" "They want to be dirty." "They don't like people fooling around with them." "Give them a bathtub, they keep coal in it." "You got to understand, honey, no man is strong enough to buck the party." "No matter how much he wants to make his wife happy." "You'll be strong enough some day, Dan, and then you'll wash clean of all graft, and crooks, and thieving politicians, and really deserve your title, The Honorable." "You like the kids, huh?" "Why shouldn't he like them?" "Sure I like them." "Take them away." "The guy with the red hair says not so much lemon in his." "Tell him to go soak his red hair." "She always used to say, "You'll be strong enough some day."" "I knew it was wrong, see, but I liked the way it made me look in her eyes and the kids'." "So, one day I said," ""All right, I'm strong enough now."" "In a pig's ear, I was strong enough." "Look what he done to our lakefront!" "Look what he done to our city, for our city!" "Look what he done for you, and you, and you!" "The worst crook we've had since the year of the big wind." "The least you can do, friends, the smallest token of gratitude that you can show, is to send him to the Capital!" "I'm giving it to you straight, friends, you owe him that!" "Senator Honeywell, on the other hand, my friend..." "You won't be making no mistake, friends, and I'll tell you something else..." "Now just compare them coolly, without prejudice." "On the one hand we have virtue, on the other year alone he put 40,000 men to work!" "He gutted the treasury." "Forty thousand lunch pails, my friends!" "He raided the city." "Forty thousand happy families!" "He raised the taxes." "Money in circulation!" "Prosperity!" "He built miles of useless buildings, bridges, beaches, eyesores, my friends!" "Each and every one of them a monument, a testimonial to graft!" "...and gave you the most beautiful city in the world!" "Come on, Brownie." "Your legs is too short for nothing." "Got a pass?" "What you mean, pass?" "These are His Honor's children!" "Hello, little fella!" "Look up there." "Even Brownie!" "They're so excited." "Oh, I'm so proud of you, Dan!" "What?" "I'm so proud of you." "You're strong enough for anything now." "What?" "I said you're strong enough." "To do good for people..." "What?" "...and justify the faith of your constituents." "I'm the Governor of the state, you're the Governor's lady." "Isn't that enough for you?" "Why can't we let well enough alone?" "Everybody don't get to be Governor." "I, Daniel McGinty, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully discharge all duties incumbent upon me as Governor, that I will do equal right to the poor and to the rich," "and that I will to the best of my ability, protect, defend and preserve the Constitution and the laws of this sovereign state." "So help me God." "Well, here we are!" "It took a little doing but it's worth it." "That's right." "Congratulations, Mr. Governor McGinty." "Thanks." "You don't look as happy as you should." "Don't you feel good?" "I feel all right." "You should feel all right with this staring you in the face." "What a wonderful opportunity!" "This state needs everything." "They had honest governors so long the whole place is in rack and ruin." "Is it?" "Why, it's ridiculous." "The roads, for instance, they're in terrible condition." "In case of war we'd be at the mercy." "We need a whole new highway system." "How would an enemy get to here?" "How do I know, am I a general?" "Then we'll need a new waterworks system, a state canal and..." "You'll kiss me for this one." "A new dam." "We do, huh?" "I can see from your expression you don't know what a dam is." "You think a dam is something you put a lot of water in." "A dam is something you put a lot of concrete in, and it doesn't matter how much you put in, there's always room for a lot more." "And any time you're afraid it's finished, you find a crack in it and you put some more concrete." "It's wonderful." "What's the matter with the old dam?" "It's got a crack in it." "Of course, right now while the farmers are looking on, we could start off with a nice little State Capital building." "White marble, maybe." "Or do you like pink?" "What do we need a State Capital building for?" "What do we need it for?" "This one is falling apart." "Look." "It ain't safe." "Looks safe enough to me." "I'm the guy that's got to work here." "You're kind of down this morning." "Ain't you, Dan?" "Yeah." "What are you trying to pull, lug?" "Look, there ain't gonna be no dam, no bridges, and no buildings that the people don't need from now on." "The people?" "Are you sick or something?" "I feel fine." "Then what are you trying to put over, you cheap, double-crossing rat?" "After I spent 400 grand to put you in here." "I figured that out." "Here's the key to my deposit box." "I'll pay you the rest out of my salary." "Out of what salary?" "You know how long you're gonna be here?" "I know exactly how long I'm gonna be here." "You think you know, you poor sucker!" "I'll put you in the jug so long, you'll splash when you come out!" "Yeah?" "Well, you'll be splashing right along with me." "Maybe you'll even be splashing by yourself." "You think so?" "Now, listen, anything ever happens to me you'll be in a clink 10 minutes later!" "You think I'm an amateur or something?" "I can pin so much on you you'll look like a Christmas tree!" "What are you gonna pin on me when I just started this morning?" "I know what I'm doing." "I've been hatching this a long time." "First I'm gonna put through a child labor bill, then I'm gonna stamp out the sweatshops, them I'm gonna banish the tenements." "What do you know about child labor?" "You've never even seen a sweatshop." "What's this tenement business?" "Who've you been talking to anyway?" "You're spouting like a woman!" "Your wife!" "That cheesecake you married!" "You make one crack about her..." "Hey, don't you know nothing?" "Don't you know a rib started all the trouble?" "Did you never hear of Samson and Delilah, or Sodom and Gomorrah?" "Look, I told you to leave her out of it!" "You Honor, please!" "They say he'll get 20 years." "I hope he does." "Serve him right." "I'm not going to press the charges." "He ain't a bad guy, honey, according to his way of looking at things." "You got to remember, he took me off a breadline." "But he tried to kill you." "Why shouldn't he?" "Don't you think I'd take a pop at a guy that slipped me the triple-cross?" "Well, you gave me back the money." "Sure." "If anything should slip up there, we'd be up the creek." "No fooling." "You're just tired and irritated, darling." "Hmm." "Nothing's going to slip up." "Nothing can go wrong." "You're going to do your best for everybody." "You're going to be the finest governor this state ever had." "There's no money in it, you understand." "Just the salary." "There are some things finer than money, dear." "Yeah." "Well, I feel leery about the whole setup." "Sweatshops and tenements are very hot stuff to handle." "Child labor is just plain dynamite." "Well, suppose it is." "It's worth the effort, isn't it?" "Maybe." "Maybe?" "Doesn't it mean anything to you to stop little children from being exploited in dark, airless factories when they out to be out playing in the sunshine?" "Did you ever work in a factory?" "Oh, you know I didn't." "Well, I did, see, when I was seven years old." "Instead of playing on the streets, learning a lot of dirty words," "I earned $4 a week for my mother." "And it wasn't dark and airless, it was very neat and clean." "We folded the boxes, then we twisted the oil paper on the taffy." "What we didn't eat." "And I want you to know that we liked it." "Oh, Dan, sometimes you're impossible." "Who can that be at this time of the night?" "I don't know." "Maybe it's George." "Well, what would George want at this hour?" "Maybe it isn't George." "That the doorbell?" "Yes, sir." "Is the Governor in?" "Yes, sir, but..." "What do you want?" "Are you Governor McGinty?" "What about it?" "I'm afraid I got bad news for you, Governor McGinty." "My goodness, you look as though a cyclone had hit you." "I had a nightmare." "You had too much ice cream." "There." "May I have Brownie in bed with me?" "No, darling." "Brownie's going to stay down here where she belongs." "Catherine." "Yes, Dan?" "I'm sorry I got sore a little while ago." "Oh, that's all right, darling." "Anyone would get nervous on a day like this." "I may have to go away tonight for a little while." "May take a few days, even." "Why, Dan, what are you talking about?" "Well, there's some kind of trouble about a bridge or something I built when I was Mayor." "I may have to go down home and explain about it." "Where are you going, Daddy?" "Oh, by golly, I went and talked too loud." "Well, Daddy's got to go away for a little while." "I want you to take good care of your mother while I'm gone." "Yes, Daddy." " That's the idea." "Take good care of your brother, too." "Yes, Daddy." "She's going to break a lot of hearts when she grows up." "What's the matter, Dan?" "They can't do this to you, Dan." "I'll go to the Supreme Court." "I'll see the President." "I'll get up a petition signed by every citizen of the state." "They can't put a man in jail for doing something honest." "Well, maybe they can't, honey, but they're putting up a darn good bluff!" "Did you get that habeas corpus?" "The judge was out for dinner." "I'll locate him later." "Well, why don't you find out where he eats?" "How long are they hoping to sentence you for?" "They're hoping for 10 years." "I'll stand by you, Dan." "I'll fight for you day and night." "We'll beat them if it takes 20 years." "Yeah, well, never mind about that part of it." "You just get me out of here on bail." "I'll take care of the rest of it." "As a matter of fact, Dan, I did find the judge." "He won't issue the writ." "Oh." "Don't worry, dear." "We'll do everything humanly possible." "Well, I guess that's that." "Good night, Dan." "Good night, honey." "Take her home and see that she gets some rest, will you?" "I'm terribly sorry, dear." "That's all right." "Well, I see you're still here." "Who asked you anything?" "Good night, Mr. Governor." "You know how long you're going to get?" "You're going to get 10-to-20, and not in no country club, neither." "The Beach." "And what do you get, 30 days?" "I hope you're satisfied, you rat!" "The first time I catch you alone," "I'll bat your brains all over the yard." "You and your little brother." "How about a little quiet down there!" "Why don't you guys shut up!" "How about shutting your own trap!" "Yeah, stick a cork in it!" "Yeah, you're pretty brave behind them bars!" "Now, listen, you cockeyed cockroach, I'll come out and..." "Cheese it." "Here, here, here, quiet!" "Who do you think you are anyway, huh?" "Just because I'm new around here, don't think you're going to get away with anything!" "Any more stink out of you guys and I'll send you both to solitary." "I got all the keys right here and it's gonna be very simple." "And that goes for you, too, baby face!" "Hello?" "What?" "Can you talk a little louder?" "I can't quite hear you." "Look, honey, I can't talk very loud, and I only got a minute, anyway." "Dan!" "Dan, where are you?" "How can you be telephoning?" "Listen, honey, you're not gonna like what I've done, but I've only got one life and I'm not going to live it in the ice box." "But, Dan, we'll have you out of there in no time." "Not a chance, honey." "They got me dead to rights." "Yeah, yeah, I know you'd go along with me, but that ain't right." "You got to think of the little guy and the little lady." "It wouldn't do them no good to have their old man in the jug or on the lam, have the other kids razzing them about it." "Now, here's what you do, see." "It's kind of hard to say, honey, but here's what you do." "You go see George." "You get yourself a divorce, and then..." "Dan, don't talk like a fool!" "Dan, wherever you go..." "Hey!" "Are you coming for Pete's sake?" "All right, all right!" "Honey, I can't hear you anymore, but there's just one more thing." "You know the dresser in my room?" "You pull out the left top drawer." "Between the drawers you'll find a key fastened with court plaster." "It's got a number on it and the name of a safe deposit company." "They won't ask you any questions." "Just a little something I held out on you." "It'll keep you going, and put the kids through college, without selling magazines." "So long, honey." "I'm sorry it didn't work out, but..." "You can't make a silk purse out of a pig's ear." "Pat the little fella for me." "Dan!" "Dan!" "Operator!" "Oh, Dan!" "Thanks." "Why don't you shut up for a change?" "Why didn't he kill you?" "I never could figure that out." "I know why." "It's because you're a big liar, that's why." "About the whole thing." "Okay, sister, have it your way." "That'll be two bucks, you." "Why don't you go home, Tommy?" "All right, let's go." "I mean really home, where you belong." "You're not the kind of tramp like him that anyone would be glad to get rid of." "You go home." "In a little while everything is forgotten." "All you need is a little courage." "All he needs is a little bicarbonate of soda." "Oh, shut up, you!" "So I caught you again, you cheesy cheapskate!" "Give me the dough!" "Listen, you fat little four-flusher..." "Fat?" "Come on, two Bombas, and quit horsing around!" "Time out, gents." "Here we go again."