"That was my husband's Ford Galaxy." "We drove Jamie home... from the hospital in that car." "My mom was 40 when she had me." "Everyone told her the she was too old to be a mother." "I put my hand through the little window and he squeezed my finger." "And I tell 'em, life was very big." "And unknown." "And she told me that there were animals." "And sky and cities." "Music." "Movies." "He'd fall in love." "Have his own children." "Have passions." "Have meaning." "Have his mom and dad." "And they got divorced..." "My father moved back east and left the car with us." "He calls on birthdays and Christmas." "Last time I felt close to him, was on my birthday in 1974." "He bought me mirrored sun glasses." "I saw the President fall downstairs." "And I threw up on the carpet." "Since then it's just been us." "You will go up to that plane." "No Richard no, what has happened to you last night..." "Listen, Captain." "I am having a party tonight, it's my birthday actually." "And I would like you to drop by, So I can feed you." "It's not necessary, Ms. Fields." "No, Dorothea, no..." "I insist." "Please." "It was a beautiful car." "Mom, It smelled like gas and overheated all the time." "It was just old." "What?" "Well, it wasn't always old." "Just got that way all of a sudden." "You know?" "When the firemen come... people don't usually invite them for dinner." "Yeah, why not?" "I can't just move on... be happy with my life, and... bring blame on him." "That just makes me feel like I'm not good enough." "It is inconsistently being compared to my dad." "Hey, sorry." "Jamie's not here right now." "They are not home." "Don't." "I'm taking a picture of everything that happens to me in a day." "I don't like having my pictures taken." "I didn't happen to you." "Hello." " Hey, hi." " Hi." "Here." "You aren't gonna believe..." " what happened." " What?" "Our car burst into flames in the parking lot." "Eh..." " Seriously?" " Are you okay?" "Yeah, we are okay." "How did it happen?" "I don't know." "They said it was probably just something electrical." "We walked down and it was just sitting there." "On fire." "Oh Man!" " Yes." " I'm sorry." "So..." "What happened...?" "They never tell you, anything." "I will know anything for like a week." "And I'm.." "I'm gonna be late on rent." "That's okay, don't worry about that." "Thanks." "Oh God!" "What if you've been in the car?" "I wouldn't be here." "You would've missed me?" "Don't joke." "It's so much easier before you got all horny." " But it's not like you don't..." " Do what?" "Friends can have sex and still be friends." "I like us, like we are, okay?" "Okay." "Jamie, Could you come help me set out please?" "Can my mom just chill out?" "She is compensating for her loneliness." "Dorothea, All that is really beautiful moulding." "It is." "I wanna continue that around the side." "Well, we are gonna have to rematch that." "Now is that..." "Is that actually wood?" " Or is that plaster?" " The plaster is underneath it." "The moulding on the outside." "There is wood." "Okay." "It's gonna take a little bit of time." " But..." " We got." "Okay, no, it's good." "Actually, it was built in 1905." "And the same family had it forever, but they lost all their money during the war." "And then there was a fire and..." "They should have been hit with that." "Anyway." "So..." "It was just a mess, they've let it fall apart." "Then a bohemian inherited it in '60s... and free spirits moved down." " And they lost it to the bank." " Beautiful." "I completely fell in love with them..." "We are connected to the dirt, 'cause we came from the dirt." "The dirt is made of stars." "and started out the same way that we are." "So..." "When you put your hands into that..." "Dirt and feel the Earth Mother." "William..." "It look as though, I'm gonna be in need of a car." "Do you think that you have something for me out there?" "Cheap?" "Maybe that '49 Deluxe." "I think we can work something out," "Maybe we'll trade for rent or something." " Thank you." " Sure" "Okay, got through that one." "Alright, just um.. give me a minute." "And then come out." "My mom was born in 1924." "When she was my age, people... drove in sad cars to sad houses." "With old phones, no money or food." "Or televisions." "But people were real." "And when she was 16... the war broke out and she had to leave school." "Her dream was to be a pilot in the Air Force." "She actually went to the flight school." "But the war ended before she was done." "She became the first woman to work..." "In the continental Can company drafting room." "Then she met my dad." "And then I came." "And they got divorced." "But people from her time... never admit anything went wrong." "What do you mean?" "I'm sorry, he is too young to have... an account in his name only." "Little guy." "No, he's a person, he's not half a person." "And he's not some cute little guy." "He has vision, autonomy and privacy." "He needs a bank account." "Can you do that for us?" "Jamie, you can't just keep skipping... the school and making excuses." "Wait a minute, why not?" "Why you can't he just skip school?" "If he has a legitimate need to be away." "Well, the I need a "legitimate" real note from you." " okay." " With your real signature." "Wow, how did you forged my signature so well?" "That is ingenious!" "But you should never forge someone's signature... ..Do anything behind someone's back." "Please excuse Jamie from school this morning." "He was doing volunteer work for the Sandinistas." "Please excuse Jamie from school this morning." "He was involved in a small plane accident." "Fortunately, He was not hurt." "Will be for a legendary surprise." "It's mahogany underneath." "She's always trying to bring a man into my life." "This is probably Honduran mahogany," " Really fine grain." " This is like, really really boring." "Hey, Come on!" "Watch it." "He's going over like woods and stuffs." "He's helping me out restore the house, okay?" "IBM." "She writes down her stocks every morning." "$213.20." "GE?" "$51.62." "She smokes Salem, because they are healthier." "Wears Birkenstocks because she is contemporary." "She read "Watership Down"..." "And learned how to carve rabbits out of wood." "And she never dates a man for very long." "Thank you, Popeye." "Good night, Dorothea." " Goodnight." " Bye." "So I'll see you later." "Just don't hang with that Chris guy anymore, okay?" "And he's kinda dumb." "Exactly." " Happy Birthday." " Bye, Julie." "Stop." "What?" "You think that you know everything that's going on." "No, I just think that..." "You know having your heart broken, is a... tremendous way to learn about the world." "Okay." "Do you think you're happy?" "Like..." "As happy as you thought you'd be when you were at my age." "Seriously?" "You don't ask people question like that." "You're my mom." "Especially your mom." "Look." "Wondering if you are happy..." "It's a great shortcut to just being depressed." "Give me that." "What is that?" "It's the "The Raincoast"." "Can't things just be pretty?" ""Pretty music" is used to hide... how unfair and corrupt society is." "Okay so." "They are not very good." "And they know that, right?" "Yeah." "It's like they have got all these feelings." "And they don't have any skill, and they don't want skill because it's really interesting." "What happens when your passion is bigger... than the tools that you have... to deal with it." "It creates this energy." "This..this.this rock." "Isn't it great?" "My son was born in 1964." "He grew up with a meaningless war." "With protests." "With Nixon." "With nice cars and nice houses." "Computers." "Drugs." "Boredom." "I know him less everyday." "He said it was just a game." "You breath real hard and another kid pulls on your diaphragm." "And you faint." "He said you're supposed to come to a few seconds later." " Can I try?" " Yeah." "But it took Jamie almost a half an hour to wake up." "Go and get help." "Can you tell me your name?" "Jamie." "Jamie, why would you do something?" "So dangerous?" "I don't know." "I mean, everyone was doing it." "So you just went along with it?" "It looked like fun." "That's just dumb, why would you do something so stupid?" "Just following along?" "Do you know you almost died.." "Right?" " You don't need worry about me." " Why didn't you think?" "Jamie, Hey." "Jamie." "What is going on?" "Wait." "What?" "You are not gonna talk to me now?" "I'm not the one who doesn't talk." "What?" "Come on!" "You scared the hell out of me." "Why did you hurt yourself like that?" "Why do you smoke yourself to death?" "Hey." "Why are you fine being sad and alone?" "I..." "I..." "You..." "You can't talk to me like that." "We don't..." "You don't say that to me." "I think History has been tough on men." "I mean they can't be what they were." "And they can't figure out what's next." "What are we talking about?" "Men?" "I think history and men." "I mean, who are your heroes now a days?" "A bunch of privileged drug addicts?" "I think maybe you guys can help me with Jamie." "I think..." "He needs help in figuring out... how to be himself in all this mess." "And I can't be there." "I can't be there with him." "I have to let go." "Is this because the fainting thing?" "He's fine." "No." "It's because of everything." "I don't understand what are you asking?" "How do you be a good man?" "What does that even mean now a days?" "He has only got me." "It's just..." "Think about it, it's not enough." "You are serious." " Yeah." " What about William?" "William's a guy." "That's..." "He can talk to him about guy things." "Have you ever seen them have a conversation?" "They have nothing in common, they don't connect." "It's just not working." "I mean, I thought about that." "He..." "Well, He likes you." "And you, He likes you a lot." "That..." "That's my friend, I don't wanna be his mom." "Yeah, no, I'm his mom." "I mean, Don't you need a man to raise a man?" "No I don't think so." "I mean..." "I think You are what's gonna work for him." "I mean..." "You know him better than anyone." "You know that." "And..." "You care about him, You can watch out for him." "And you... just share your life." "You're talented person, show them you're interested in care." "You know he will be lucky to have that." "Help me with what?" "All goes through this part of your life, it's not easy." "It's not easy for anybody." " You asked them to help me?" " Yeah." "No, they.." "They get it." "So they said yes?" "Yeah." "Fuck!" "Hey..." "You just feel guilty cause it's just me and you." "You don't know what I'm feeling." "Just tell me." "Kid." "You never tell me what you're gonna do." "You just do it." "I got the keys to my step mom's car." "Tanya and Michelle, are both gonna be there." "Hey, you guys going to L.A.?" "Yeah." "I am." "Can I come?" "Listen all." "You ready?" "We gonna..." "That was Jamie." "He is in L.A." "He and some friends went to a show." " Oh." " Yeah." "He wanted to tell you." "Okay." "Aren't you worried?" "He's mad at me." "And This is his way of dealing with it." "And he has every right to be mad." "Yeah, but if it makes him this mad, then maybe it wasn't a good idea." "Maybe..." "Maybe I did the wrong thing." "I..." " With the kid, I mean." " Yeah I know." "I think that Jamie's energy is very..." "Unstable." "Well, you're right." "Then there's an energy crisis, maybe that..." "Plays into it someway." "I'm sorry." "You don't have very.." "many funny lines do you?" "Okay." "Jamie..." "Jamie." "Hey." "Hey." "Everything okay?" "Yeah." "Can I come in?" "Sure." "So I had this new idea for my photography." "I was gonna... take a picture of everything..." "That I own, so it will be self-portrait." "Myself... through the stuff that I have." "Can I show you?" "So..." "Bra, birth control, On Photography by Susan Sontag, Shoes." "Underwear." "a picture of a picture of my mom." "I'm gonna do a bunch of them." "It's a little bit..." "It's a little bit sad." "You know, all these stuff together..." "I don't know why that is." "None, I mean..." "You know what I mean?" "It's really beautiful, Abbie." "Do you wanna fool around with me?" "Really?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "I do." "You know.." "I'm recovering from cervical cancer." "I know." "Your hair smells good." "I make my own shampoo." "Of course you do." "It's OK Jeeves, he's back." "You can relax now." "Where were you?" "We went to the Starwood, saw a show." "You know, in LA I had a lot of fun." "Are you drunk?" "Don't." "What's wrong?" "Tim Drammer came inside me." "I don't wanna hear this shit." "We broke into that old pool at the rec center." "Got loaded." "Fucked around." "And me and Tim ended up in his mom's Maverick." "Did you just cum?" "Yeah." "You said you would pull out." "Yeah." "Sorry." "Thought we had a deal there." "Fuck!" "What're you gonna do?" "It'll be fine." "Your mom asked me to like, help, raise you." "Yes I know." "She was raised in the Depression." "everyone helped raise everyone." "You know, the whole neighborhood raised the kids." "Sorry." "Can we do therapy?" "Jesus, I don't want to do therapy right now" " Let's role play." " Please no." "I'll be your mom, and you can tell her what you wanna tell her." "Just do it." " I don't want to talk to my mom." " What would you say to her?" "Okay." "I don't need your help, Mom." "I've got it." "I'm okay." "I, I'm gonna need a story." "What?" "A story." " What do you mean?" " Like..." "A story." "Where..." "I'm just a normal woman." "and... you're a photographer." "And you're photographing me, but..." "While you are doing it..." "You can't help yourself and you start touching me." "And..." "You touch me." "And you..." "Say..." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Really?" "I'm can't just be myself?" "No." " Okay, so...?" " Nice to meet you." "Oh, hi, Do I just look in the camera?" " Or should I look off to the side?" " Let's start that way..." " looking in the camera." " Okay." "Should I smile?" "Do you like to smile?" " Yeah." " Okay." "Okay." "Oh, you took it." "I thought you are gonna say like 1, 2, 3..." " No." "I just wait for the moment." " Okay." "I just have to fix something." "It's right here." " I am sorry." " Not it's alright." "I don't mind." "I've just never done this before." "So..." "I'm still little bit nervous." "But..." " I can wear my hair differently." " Abbie." "Yeah?" "I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry." "Julie and I have been friends since we were little." "She likes to say she's self destructive." "His mother is a therapist." "We used to talk and I..." "She makes Julie attend her teen group sessions." "What about the possibility?" "That you're choosing boys who are inappropriate?" "Unconsciously." "When her mother remarried, Julie changed." "When her half sister Amanda was born... with Cerebral Palsy, she changed more." "You know what I mean." "Wow." "It looks really pretty on you, it just makes your whole face pop." "Like soda pop." "She started fooling around." "She started sneaking into my house." "Sleeping over." " Because you did?" " Because I'm crazy." "You want to be crazy." "Scratch me." "We should go up the coast somewhere." "Just me and you." "Julie works at the La Cumbre Plaza mall." "Spring rain features cinnamon, jasmine, lily-of-the-valley and rose." "Sex is commitment." "once you're there, you cant go back to holding hands." "and once you give yourself both mentally and physically... well, you're completely vulnerable." "All he cares about is his new wife and her birthday." "And Christmas with her and her family." "And inviting all of her family." "Spring rain features cinnamon, jasmine, lily-of-the-valley and rose." "Of all the misconceptions about love... the most powerful and persuasive is the belief that falling in love... is love." "or at least one of the manifestations of love." "Love is supposed to be a feeling that you feel." "People say that they're falling in love... but they're not actually falling in love." "It's a fake connection that you feel with some." "and marriage should never happen." "YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU." "DIE!" "Hey, Julie." " Hey." " Hi." "So come on in." "It's Okay, come in." "He's not up yet." "He got in kinda late." "Hey you wanna help me bring this stuff in?" "So is Jamie okay?" "Yeah." "He's okay." "I heard by him come in last night." "I was awake." "Right." "Yea, I was just, couldn't sleep." "so I was, you know, listening for him." "How was the show?" "Good." "Next time you take a trip, just let me know, okay?" "I won't make too much dinner." "Hey, do the stocks with me?" "Yeah." "Okay, IBM." "IBM, $69.73" "Xerox." "You okay?" "Xerox, $53.92." " Stop." " Okay, $ 53.92." "Listen." "Abbie has her appointment today and I can't be here..." "And I have to go to work." "So I was hoping that maybe you could be here." "When she gets back." "In case she needs support." "She is going through a lot." "Okay, What if it's.." "Like bad news or something?" "Well, you can handle it or if you can't..." "You have to start somewhere." "Men always feel like they have to fix things for women..." "But they are not doing anything." "But some things just can't be fixed." "Just be there..." "Somehow, that's hard for you all." "Mom, I'm not "all men"." "Okay." "I'm just me." "Yes and no." "And if I have to have full on chemo?" "Or get a hysterectomy?" "Do you know what that is?" "Look,I should just go with you." "You know, I mean.." "Your mom did tell me to share my life with you." "Yeah I know." "You don't..." "Don't worry 'bout it, she just..." "She's from The Depression." "Yeah." "It's good news Abbie." "There were no malignant cells." "Your biopsy is benign." "And.. in the future?" "There was damage to the muscle wall." "From the surgery." "You have an incompetent cervix." "Incompetent?" "It may not be strong enough... to go full term during pregnancy." "As the baby grows... the cervix widens." "If it's weakened, it's likely to open prematurely." "I'm gonna be OK." "He said that I probably can't have kids." "Was having Jamie like... the biggest thing that ever happened to you?" "I guess so." "Sorry." "No." "You'll get through this." "You will get through it." "You will do it." "This is the really hard part." "And then what happens is." "there's a hard part and then it gets better." "And then it gets hard again, but never mind." "I should not have told you that part." "I should've just said it gets better and then.." "That's it." "But..." "You got birds?" "Is that ok?" "Yes." "So did you name them?" "Not yet." "They are a boy and a girl." "And, that, they are monogamous for life." "So..." "If one of them dies, then the other one..." "He will die like a week later." "How about Maximilian and Carlotta?" "Right, I..." "You know, They deserve something grand." "they're gonna be monogamous their whole lives." "Right?" "Max and Carlotta are really good names." "So..." "You went to the doctor's and you waited with her." "Yeah." "But I told you to wait here." "I..um..." "I thought it would be better to... go and really be there." "She is really upset." "That must have been a lot to deal with." "I'm fine." "I'm good." "I..." "I learned a lot" "Abigail Porter." "Home pregnancy tests that..." "Women can do safely and easily." "A small revolution for... women seeking to take control of their lives." "What the fuck is this?" "It's a pregnancy test." "Abbie's doctors said that..." "She wouldn't be able to have kids." "Why'd she take you?" " Is that all of it?" " Yeah." "That's a lot." "Now what?" "Shake for 10 seconds." "Okay." "Leave undisturbed for 2 hours." "2 hours?" "that's what it says." "Okay." "If it appears then you're positive," "And if no ring appears here then the test is negative." "What do we do for two hours?" "Guy's don't smoke like that." "Don't hold it like that." "Like..." "This." "Between your two fingers." " That?" " Yes, that's better." "Okay now, walk, do like a cool cigarette walk." "Guys aren't supposed look like they're thinking about what they look like." "Watch me." "See?" "Smoking is gross." "No, it's not." "Gives you cancer." "This is just my opinion, I think being strong.." "..is the most important quality." "It's not being vulnerable, It's not being sensitive." "It's not even..." "Honestly, it's not even being happy." "It's about strength." "And your durability against the other emotions." "No ring." "No ring." " Hey." " Hey." "Thanks for going with me." "Yeah, totally." "I made you this." " It's a mixed tape." " Yep." "These are bunch of songs, that I think my life... would have been better if they would have been around." "When I was a teenager." "So I'm hoping, that if you listen to them, now... you'll be a happier and more realized person... than I could ever hope to be." "From that night on..." "Abbie started telling me everything." "She grew up in Santa Barbara." "Where everyone is happy." "but that just made her feel crazy." "In 1973 she moved to New York City... and went to Art school." "New York City made her feel same." "She was so fucked up." "She fell in love with photography." "She learned to dance when she got sad." "She saw "The Man Who Fell to Earth"..." "And dyed her hair red." "I figured out how to be looked at it... by men, and..." "How to Make Them... excited and uncomfortable." "I am so cocky and I was so angry." "And I was so happy." "She fell in love with her teacher." " Then she went to Planned Parenthood." " Abigail Porter." "Her friends couldn't deal with her having cancer." "So she went home to her mom." "Hey Mom." "Gail, did you ever take DES?" "When you were pregnant with Abe?" "Yes." "I had two miscarriages before Abbie, the doctor told me to take it." "DES was a fertility medication." "Doctors prescribed it to women." "Later they found out that the daughters... of the women who took it..." "Got cervical cancer." "I didn't know that you had miscarriages." "When her mom found out it was because she took that drug... she wouldn't talk about it." "And everything Abbie did." "made her mad." "So Abbie looked for another place to live." " Hi." " Hello." "And she started renting the room upstairs." "I'm Abbie." "And she got a job at the news press." " Hi Dorothea." " Hi, Charlie." "Hi." "You wanna go out sometime?" "Get a drink?" "Yeah." "What the heck, Charlie?" "Sure." "okay." "I wasn't sure." "What?" "Some of the guys thought you are a lesbian." "You know." "Which I don't have a problem if you are." "But you are not." "You know I'm not." "Shall we go out then?" "Okay, yeah." "Sure." "You wanna come to dinner at my house again sometime?" "Good..." "We could do that." "Shit!" "Julie." "It's really, it's nothing." "I just end up there sometimes." "What do you guys do?" "I just sleep." "We talk." "Can I have one?" "No, they are really bad for you." "You smoke all the time." "You know, when I started they weren't bad for you,they were just stylish." "Sort of edgy, so..." "It's different for me." "Okay." "You're good at hiding stuff, huh?" "My mom calls it compartmentalizing." "Apparently I do that a lot." "Are you helping him?" "I am trying." "Really?" "What about you?" "Have you thought about your impact on him?" "It's always about the mother." "Like, do you think you've moved on, since his dad?" "You know that you're not actually a therapist right?" "I've had new guys, okay?" "No one appropriate." "Appropriate?" "Guys you're not going to risk anything with." "Men you don't even really like." "Listen, you're 17, Okay?" "Maybe you don't know what's good about these guys." "That I really like." "I'm talking about you." "You never seem into it." "Except for with William." "But..." "He is inappropriate." "Okay, Jesus." "Yeah." "It's hard to find someone that I like." "I had my chance, twice." "But that part of life just didn't work out for me." " Bye." " Bye." "Where were you?" "I had some errands." "You did the whole list?" "You know all the stocks?" "Yeah." "IBM is down." "Sorry, I'll fix it next time." "Good job on that." "William." "Yes." "Do I seem stuck to you?" "How do you mean?" "Well, I guess I wouldn't know, Would I?" " Abbie." " Yes?" "Let's go out tonight." "I want to see this modern world." "Can I go?" "I don't know if I'm going to find an appropriate man here." "Thank you." "What was that?" "What does that mean?" "Don't kiss a woman if you unless you know what you mean by it." "Aren't you sleeping with Abbie?" "That's not something serious, is..." "Then why do it?" "It's 1979, I am 55 years old..." "This is what my son believes in." "These people." "With this hair..." "And these clothes." "Making these gestures, making these sounds." "It's 1979 and I am 55 years old... and in 1999 I'll die of cancer from smoking." "Hey!" " You going?" " Yeah." "Do me a favor, just, take care of Abbie." "They don't know this is the end of punk, They don't know that Reagan's coming." "It's impossible to imagine that kids will stop dreaming... about nuclear war, and have nightmares about the weather." "It's impossible to imagine HIV." "what will happen with skateboard tricks." "The Internet..." " Did you have a good time?" " Yeah, it was interesting." " So Abbie has your number, right?" " Yeah." " Give you a call for dinner." " I would like that." "Kid..." "It's late..." "How was it?" "It was Life changing." "Before I die I will prepare for Y2K." "I will put Canned food and water in the garage." "I put 16 thousand dollars worth of gold coins... into a safe deposit box at the Bank of Montecito." "I died before the New Year..." "Dolphin-shaped balloons floated over my head." "They were playing Louis Armstrong on a Boombox." "Jamie?" "Sorry, are you awake...?" "I just wanted to tell you that you have to get out of this town." "If you want to have any chance... of an interesting life moving forward." "What happened?" "Sorry, shit!" "We don't have sex." "I just sleep here." "Okay..." " Can I lay down?" " We were sleeping." " Just lay down here." " It' Okay, I'm just gonna talk... to Jamie for a second..." "So Lynette Winters spit on me." "So then I hit her." " Why'd she spit on you?" " Because I spit on her." "Right before I was going to New York and I thought I was never gonna come back." "It felt very liberating at the time." "And somehow I ended up breaking a chair." " Hey Julian, I'm sorry." " You okay?" "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." "And then William told me... he didn't wanna sleep with me anymore." "What are you saying?" "I don't like you..." "I don't like you." "I don't like..." "Just..." "I'm just gonna talk to Jamie for a second..." "You can not let her sleep here." "If she's not having sex with you, it's dis-empowering." "Also you need to get out of this town before you start working." "at a sunglasses shop... and it goes for you too." "Jamie, here is some books... from a feminism class I took..." "I thought it would be helpful for you, to get a woman's perspective." " What happened to your lip?" " I got in a fight." " What?" " There was a fight." "It was, it was ridiculous..." "Hold on, is that "Our Bodies Our Selves"?" "This is a really good book..." "There is a very good chapter..." "On home births." "Home births actually stunts the baby's growth personality." " What is a growth personality?" " It's a real term." "Who knows what it means for a new born... to see wood walls, and... carpeted floors and to smell... real human smells and to feel... wool and cotton and flannel clothes... instead of starchy, white... deodorized..." "To me, that meant like, and what else?" "Women's sexuality, defined by men to benefit men." "has been downgraded and perverted, repressed and channeled." "Anatomically, all orgasms are centered in the clitoris." "whether they result from direct manual pressure applied to the clitoris." "indirect pressure resulting from..." "I fucked Heather so hard, she came like three times." " How did you stimulate her clitoris?" " With my dick." "Women need direct clitoral stimulation." "Like with fingers." "Or vibrators." "Or something." "She probably faked it." "women fake it all the time." "Talking Heads're a bunch of fags." "Actually there's a girl in their band..." "And she's dating the drummer, so..." "Her name is Danna..." "Fuckin' around faggot." "So, what was the fight about?" "Clitoral stimulation." "Why do you need to fight about that?" "I don't know, I wanna be a good guy..." "Okay." "I just wanna... be able to satisfy a woman." "Kid, I'm sure you will." "Shit!" "Jamie!" "That's not cool..." "Yeah, That's what Matt called me." "For liking the talking heads." " And what is Black Flag?" " It's a hardcore band." "So..." "The people who love Black Flag, hate the Talking Heads." "What?" "The punk scene is very divisive." "Hey!" "You are all so advanced, aren't you?" "The next time a guy tells you a sex story..." "You just have to agree with everything he says... and act like it's right." "Even if it's not, because they don't wanna be contradicted." "They just wanna to live in their fantasy lands." "How are you dealing?" "With everything." "Whatever you think your life is going to be like, just know, it's not going to be anything like that." "Right..." "Take me to that club." "Tonight?" " Hey." " Hi.." "Wow, you look amazing..." "Where are you going?" "We're just gonna go out..." "is that okay?" "Oh yeah, of course..." "And where to?" "Just going out." " Bye." " Bye." "Hide it there." "Hey, can I have a beer?" "Now say I'm into older women." " What?" " Just say it." "I'm into older women." "How old are you?" "Age is a bourgeois construct." "Age is a bourgeois construct." "It's a good answer." " Age is..." " Ok, ok, you've got it." "So now, if she asks too many questions..." "You just say as little as possible, okay?" "Now show me your most inscrutable face." "I don't really make choices..." "About women..." "They just..." "They come to you." "You could have more than that." "But what about you?" "Why...?" "I mean, what happened to Jamie's dad?" "He just didn't turn out like I thought he would." "I guess that happens..." "There must've been something good about him." " He was left handed?" " That's it?" "That's it?" "And I was right handed." "And..." "So.." "In the morning..." "We would look at the stock reports together and..." "He could write with his left hand and scratch my back." " And that's it!" " I loved that." "Do you you ever meditate?" "I feel the air... coldness of the air." "Goes through my nose..." "All I'm really doing is..." "Bringing my attention back to my breath." "So when I take a breathe in..." "There is a feeling..." "Air going in..." "Air going out..." "It's a good feeling." "It's okay..good..." "I'm just gonna..." "Go ahead..." "I'm just gonna smoke..." "I'm listening..." " I wanna get on the same page." " You are such..." "How did you get to be this person that you are?" "It's so..." "You're so unusual." "William's dad managed an auto repair shop.." "In Cleveland." "Engines always made sense to him." "He tried to put himself through college, but couldn't afford it." "He met Theresa in 1963, she was smart, brave, better off,... they were in love." "They moved to Oakland," "Then, to a commune in Sevastopol." "Well I learned to be like them." "You know?" "As it turns out, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be." "but it wasn't really me." "I was doing it for..." "So that I wouldn't lose Theresa." "He started looking like them, talking like them... but they made him feel old and uneducated and poor." "Theresa started thinking..." "William was uptight and possessive and she left him." "After Theresa women... didn't have to look one way or the other." "Or be a certain way." "I think that I just..." "I want to win them over so that I won't be lonely." " You live here?" " I do." "But, once I have them..." "I don't really know what to do with them." " You want to do something later?" " Sleep." "I should go." "What he likes is making bowls..." "He doesn't smell like oil and grease... his hands don't look like a dumb mechanic's hands." "I've using small bowls for a while," "And when it gets little bit drier..." "It's beautiful." "What?" "Did you fix it?" "Well, maybe." "It's part of Volkswagen now." "I had to improvise." "And how you're gonna get to know a person way over there?" " What am I supposed to do?" " Just make a little small talk." "Introduce yourself..." "ask her to dance..." " Okay, hello I am William..." " Hello..." "Hello..." "I live downstairs..." " Yeah." " With the cars..." " Would you like to dance with me?" " Yes, sure." "Okay." "Put your hand out right, Put the other hand here and just be there..." " All she wants is a little company." " Oh good..." "That's nice." "I feel like I understand you." " We should get away from here." " It's just me and you, you know?" "Go up the coast..." "Be alone somewhere." "Jamie, You are in love with Julie..." "You can't let it push you around." "You have to tell her what you want." "If you were to listen to it..." "What does that mean..." "Art Fag?" "I mean, what is...?" "If you would've think about it from more like a sociological perspective." "Where does that come from?" "Art fag." " What is that?" " Abbie understands it." "Abbie does not understand it, she's just a part of it." "We don't need to like it." "Okay, what is he saying?" "Head on my shoulders..." " going berserk." " What?" " Is that interesting?" " I don't know." "I don't know either." "I think we're maybe over-thinking this." "Let's try the Art Fag one." "Here come the Art Fags." "Oh yeah." "What do you think?" "That's it." "I guess we're more the art fag types." "I like that." "What're you looking at?" " inscrutable boy." "I gave him beer and then I... taught him how to verbally seduce women." "And... we drove drunk, but I stopped that." "and then he kissed Trish and then we walked home." "You're not mad?" "You are mad..." "You get to see him out in the world as a person." "I never will." "Just..." "There." "I can't believe Abbie gave you this book." "It's interesting." "What's it like?" " For girls..." " What?" "Sex?" "Orgasms." "Do you really want to know What it's like?" "Yeah." "I don't have them." "What?" "None of my friends do." " So why do you do it?" " There's other reasons." "You know, like the way that he looks at you... the way they all get a little desperate at some point." "And the little sounds that they make." "And their bodies..." "Cause you don't exactly know what they're gonna look like.." "Or smell or feel like..." "Until you do it." "But yeah..." "Half the time I regret it." "The why do you do it?" "Cause Half the time I don't regret it." "I am gregarious..." "interested in others." "and I think intelligent..." "All I ask is to get to know people and... to have them interested in knowing me." "I doubt whether I would marry again and... live that close to another individual." "But I remain invisible." "Don't pretend for a minute, as you look at me that." "that I'm not as alive as you are." "and I do not suffer from the category... to which you are forcing me..." "I think stripped down I look more attractive than my ex-husband..." "But I am sexually and socially obsolete." "And he is not." "I have a capacity now for taking people as they are." "which I lacked at twenty." "I reach orgasm in half the time... and I know how to please..." "Yet I do not even dare show a man... that I find him attractive." "If I do so, he may react as if I had insulted him." "I am supposed to fulfill my... small functions and vanish." "What do you think of all that?" "I don't know..." "Maybe, I'm a feminist?" "So..." "You think that's me..." "No, I don't know." "So, you think you know me better because you read that." "No, no." "Then why're you reading it to me?" "I thought it was interesting." "Okay, well..." "I don't need a book to know about myself." "I'm sorry." "I mean, I appreciate that you trying to help, I do..." "I just think you are taking it too far." "And this stuff, with you know, the women's movement I respect, but it's just..." "It's complicated, and I think it's too much for him." "I don't know what it is that you're talking about." "Okay, he is 15 years old boy..." " I know..." " You are giving him hard core feminism..." "But he really loves it and it's really..it's helping him." " Helping him what?" " It's helping him become a man." "This is the boy you were talking about." "Learning about a female orgasms... is helping him be a man?" "Well what man do you know that cares anything about that?" " It's a miracle!" " he's a high school kid." "Okay?" "It's too much, I'm telling you." "I think he seems really okay with it." "You know you don't actually know what you're doing with him?" "Okay, so..." "Just..." "As you know..." "There is a growing disrespect for government..." "The schools, the news media..." "And all the institutions." "This is not a message of happiness or reassurance." "But it is the truth and it is a warning." "It is a crisis of confidence." "We can see this crisis in the growing doubt... about the meaning of our... own lives and in the loss of unity and purpose... for our nation." "Too many of us now, tend to worship self indulgence... and consumption." "But we've discovered that owning things and consuming things." "Does not satisfy..." "our longing for meaning." "We always believed that we were part of a great movement." "Of humanity itself..." "Involved in the for freedom." "We are at a turning point in our history." "The path that leads to fragmentation and self-interest... down that road lies a mistaken idea of freedom." "It is a certain route to failure." "Thank you and good night." " He is so screwed." " No shit." "It's over for him." "I thought that was beautiful." "Well..." "Why didn't you just say I'm sorry?" "I'm done." " My pride..." " I know." " Yes..." " You don't seem like a prideful person." " You seem humble." " I left my pride outside today." "Jamie, would you please wake up Abbie?" " Yeah Abbie.!" " Ugh, stop it, I'm menstruating." "Abbie, you know what?" "You're menstruating, okay." "But do you have to say it, Ok?" "Do we really need to know everything that's going on with you?" "What?" "I am menstruating." "What is that a big deal?" "We don't need to hear about that, thank you." "If you ever wanna have an adult relationship with a woman.." "Like if you wanna have sex with a woman's vagina," "You need to be comfortable." "With the fact that the vagina menstruates..." "I'm just saying..." "Menstruation, it's not a big problem." "So, start singing now..." "Menstruation." " No." " Yes, menstruation." " Menstruation." " Jamie, no..." "You don't have to." "You saying it like you're scared, don't say like you're scared..." " Say it like it's normal." " Menstruation." " Menstruation." " Menstruation..." "Not bad." "Julian, menstruation..." "You can say it." " Right now..." " I'm Sorry..." "Menstruation." "It's just, keep eye contact with me." "Who are you looking at?" "Menstruation." " Menstruation." " Yes that's right..." "Menstruation, Charlie?" "You're quiet..." " Menstruation?" " Menstruation?" "No, not like a question, menstruation." "Menstruation." "Now everybody say it together..." "Menstruation, like gentle, happy..." "But casual and..." " Menstruation!" " It's gross Abbie." "No, it's not." "It's not gross." "It's a very deep time." "Creatively and it's emotionally trans-formative." "And sex during menstruation can be very pleasurable... for a woman and can even like, relieve some of the cramps." "Jamie I also wanna say... never have sex with just the vagina..." "You have to have sex with the whole woman." "That's way off topic of what I'm talking about." "Thank you." "The first time that I got my period, I was watching..." "One that flew over the "Cuckoo's Nest", with some guy..." "And...yeah I just told him that I had to leave." "So I went to the market and I bought a box of tampons." "I read the instructions on the box and I put one in." "And I never told my mom about it, but she never asks." "So it didn't matter." "I never saw the end of the Cuckoo's Nest." "Jack Nicholson got a lobotomy... and so the big Indian guy, smothered him with the pillow... so that he could be, you know, be free." "Okay..." "Let's talk about something else." "At 14, I had sex for the first time." "Julie!" "Julie, please..." "You, Honey..." "I decided one night that I was just gonna loose my virginity." " I didn't care who." " Julie, you gotta to calm down." " Stop it, let her talk." " I picked this guy that I didn't know.." "at a party..." "And we had fairly painful sex." "In his van.." "just parked on the street." "Just used spit for lubrication." "Disgusting..." "I made it home in time for the curfew though." "His carpet smelled like spilled bong water." "Well, let's call it a night." "All right." "Thanks all for coming..." "show is over girls." "Thank you so much for coming..." "Jamie, we need to talk." "There's a lot of stuff happening..." "right?" "And I just..." "Would like to know what's going on with you." "I mean..." "I know it's all been a lot for us to deal with." "Mom." "I'm dealing with everything right now." "You are dealing with nothing." "Can't believe you told everyone all that." "I can say what I wanna say." "They're gonna think you're some..." "They are gonna get the wrong idea about you." "What?" "That I'm a slut?" "Is that what you think?" "You can't sleep here anymore..." "And just want to talk..." " really?" " Yes." "Jamie..." "I'm sorry." "I am sorry, okay?" "Let's just get out of here." "Let's go up the coast..." "like you said that you would." "Just the two of us." "Mom..." "Julie and I took the car..." "We're taking a trip up the coast..." "Just to get away." "You don't need to worry about us." "Hey..." "Do you think that you could buy us some like wine coolers?" "You can keep the change, strawberry or anything berry really." " Hi, what's the matter?" " Hi..." "You changed lanes in the intersection back there." "Seriously, that's all?" "I need to see your license registration." "What if I don't have my license?" "Okay." "What's your name, address, and date of birth, do you have that?" "You know, these are very personal questions and we've just met." "What's your name?" "What's your address, right?" "I mean..." "It's a little forward..." "I love you..." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Tell me." "I think that I'm too close to you..." "To have sex with you..." "It's confusing..." "Sorry." "I can help you get over that." "I don't wanna get over that." "Yes you do." "You're being like the other guys." "I don't want to just, have sex with you," "I want you..." "But it's your version of me." "It's not me." "It'd be a lot better if you just wanted sex" "You're exactly like the other guys..." "You just seem like you are a modern." "Jamie?" "Jamie." "Jamie!" "These people have no sense of humor." "Having a kid seems like..." " The hardest thing." " Yeah..." "How much you love the kid... you're just pretty much screwed." " It's for you." " Hi." "Hey." "Julie just called me, they are in San Luis Obispo, she doesn't know where he is." "She can't find him." "I..." " Would you drive me?" " Yes, I will." " Out there?" " Yeah let's go.." " Will you come?" " Yes." "I'm sorry..." "He came back." "He's right there." "Okay..." "Okay." "It's okay." "Well..." "Julie is... pretty complicated woman." "It's a lot to take on." "I'm impressed in a way." "Whatever." "Aren't you going to get Julie?" "To come talk with me?" " Jamie?" " What?" "I thought they'd help." "Well.." "It just seemed like you couldn't deal with me anymore." "Look." "I wanted..." "I..." "Look, I..." "I don't want you to end up in the same place as me." " What does that mean?" " Well, I wanted you to be happier." "And I just didn't think I could do it by myself." "I..." "You're right." "I thought we were fine though just me and you." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Come..." "Come and dance with your mom." " Bye." " Bye." "Bye." "Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye." "So maybe we don't go back yet?" "Okay." " Were you and Dad ever in love?" " Sure." "Or um..." "Maybe I was just..." "I thought that was supposed to be in love." "Or.." "I was scared I'd never be in love." "So I..." "I just pick the best solution at the time." " I want to bleach my hair." " Kid..." " Really?" " Yeah." "Okay." "Are you lonely?" "Well..." "I might marry Bogart." "In my next life..." "We'll see." "I'm thinking about it." "He is dead." "Well..." "This is my next life, right?" "So..." "He may be there... may be around, and we might meet and.." "something might happen between us." "Okay.." "You can't have it in the real world?" "Hey, this is no time to be rational, sweetie." " Can you just go with this?" " Yeah, keep going." "Okay." "So he knows what I'm thinking..." "And he makes me laugh..." "And... he really sees me." "And..." "You know that he's gonna do what he says he's gonna do." " So that's easy..." " It Sounds nice." "Yeah." "I thought that was just the beginning of a new relationship with her." "where she'd really tell me stuff." "But maybe it was never really like that again." "Maybe that was it." "In March of 1999, I'll start to feel tired and confused." "When I finally go to the doctor, he will say that the cancer in my lungs... had already traveled to my breast and brain." "I'll try to teach Jamie what to do with my stocks." "but my instructions will be impossible to understand." "Abbie will take me to Planned Parenthood..." "And I will go on the pill." "I will go to NYU and lose touch with Jamie and Dorothea." "and I will stop talking to my mom." "I will fall in love with Nicholas." "We will move to Paris." "and choose not to have children." "I'll stay in Santa Barbara." "In just two years I will marry Dave." "A month after I get married Carlotta will die." "A week later..." "Max will die too." "I will work out of my garage." "and show in local galleries." "Against my doctor's advice, I will get pregnant.." "by the time I'm 34 I'll have two boys..." "I'll live with Dorothea for another year." "And then I'll open a pottery store." "In Sedona, Arizona." "I will marry Laurie a singer-songwriter..." "We'll get divorced a year..." "Then I'll meet Sandy." "And continue to do my pottery." "My mom will meet Jim in 1983... they'll stay a couple until she dies." "On her birthday each year, he will buy her a trip on a biplane." "Years after she's gone..." "I'll finally get married and have a son." "I'll try to explain to him what his grandmother was like." "but it will be impossible."