"** [Rock]" "* "Mama Claus," said Santa *" "* "Why you look so down?" "*" "* Christmas is a-comin' *" "* And the kids have been pouting' around *" "* Get your gear to the sleigh *" "* Get on your way *" "* The boys and girls are waitin' on Christmas Day *" "* What's the matter with you?" "*" "* Turn that frown around" *" " [Tires Screech]" " Thank you." "* Go, Santa Ho, ho, ho *" "[Santa] Ho, ho, ho." "I don't think you can park there, friend." " It's marked "handicapped."" " Thanks for pointing that out." "* So go, Santa Go, go *" "Not exactly bucking for the "nice list," are you?" "[Car Alarm Chirps]" "Nope." "Focusing on the "rich list."" "[Chuckles]" "* Go, Santa Go, go **" "Mr. Ardwick?" "I told you on the phone we need more time." "Our center's director ran off with all of our money." "I'm aware of your situation, but I thought it might be better if we talked face-to-face." "So you'll grant us an extension?" "Of course not." "What is your problem, dude?" "You seem happy about this." "And who are you?" "The muscle?" "[Clears Throat] We are scrambling to find some way to cover the lease payment." "I-If only you'd let the kids put on their Christmas play." "They have been selling tickets all over town." "Unless you're charging Broadway prices," "It's not even going to make a dent." "There must be something we can do." "Oh, there is." "Vacate the premises by the 15th," "Because that's when the bulldozer's coming." "Don't hesitate to call our office..." "With any questions." " But it's almost Christmas." " I know." "You might want to take down these decorations." "Sort of gets everyone's hopes up, doesn't it?" "I can't believe you're doing this." "You suck!" "Life's full of disappointments, kid." "Get used to it." "Merry Christmas." "It will be for me." "[Tires Screeching]" "[Car Alarm Chirps]" "Yo, Donald!" "You might want to dye the hair." "It's a young man's business." "Will do, Ax Man." "[Sighs] Jerk." "Hey, bro." "Dig the hair." "Come in and see..." "You're obviously new here, so let me explain how things work." "It's not a big deal." "First lesson..." "On the way up, treat everyone like your best friend," "Or on the way down, they could become your worst nightmare." "Mister..." "Second lesson..." "Don't interrupt." "But, sir..." "What?" "What is it you're trying to say, bro?" "Mr. Ardwick, I've worked here for 16 years." "And Lane wants to see you... bro." "Well, why didn't you say that?" "Jerk." "How'd it go, Dax?" "Tell Epic Mart the property's theirs after the 15th." "That's my man!" "Dax the Ax!" "Great job today." "I've learned from the best, Lane." "Nobody can teach a shark how to be a shark." "A shark just is." "And a shark knows when there's blood in the water." "Word is Peterman's out." "It's no secret I want his position." "Yeah, about that..." "What's this?" "Two weeks severance." "You're fired." "[Laughs] What?" "Yeah, it turns out Henderson's an even bigger shark than you." "He's convinced us he can do his job and yours with no problem." "And you know what?" "Just between you and me, people don't like you very much." "People don't like me very much?" "Did I say "very much"?" "People don't like you at all." "Let me get this straight." "You're giving Dax the Ax..." "The ax?" "[Chuckling] That's a real clever way of putting it." "Oh, I am going to miss your sense of humor." "But it's almost Christmas." "Come on." "Like that's ever worked." "Have some dignity." "You can't do this." "I bought a house." "A house I can't afford." "Well, that was dumb." "Now please leave my office." "This is getting sad." "After years of doing your dirty work..." "And covering up your creative accounting," "You're just gonna throw me out?" "No." "I'm not gonna throw you out." "You're a big guy." "Security!" "I need you to throw somebody out!" "How about I throw you out?" "Out the window." "How about that?" "Take it easy, Dax." "Don't do anything you're gonna regret." "Regret?" "Oh, I'm downright giddy about this!" "No!" "That's it." "Oh, not only are you never ever working here again," "But I'll see to it that you never work anywhere again." "Don't you dare touch my signed Super Bowl football!" "I'll give you a head start, Lane." "I suggest you use it." "[Employees Gasping]" "Uh-oh." "Come on, bro." "I thought we were friends." "I gave you that great career advice." "Yes, you did." "[Grunts]" "[Employees Gasping]" "Enjoy the ride down..." "bro." "[Dial Tone] [Beeps]" "I've called six other firms." "They won't even speak to me." "That's terrible, honey." "Plus, that spineless jerk Lane is threatening to press assault charges." "I can't believe this is happening." "I thought I had that promotion in the bag." "Mm-hmm." "This was my shot at the big time." "Don't worry, babe." "I'm gonna bounce back." "I mean, I have to, right?" "What are you doing?" "Leaving you." " What?" " Face it, we had fun." "But a smart girl knows when to leave a sinking ship." "Who ever accused you of being smart?" "[Scoffs]" "[Door Opens]" "Tanya." "If you leave, you're not coming back." "Good luck, Dax." "You're gonna need it." "You have no friends, you're incredibly self-centered," "And you're not a very likable person." "Yeah, well, you dated me." "Huh." "I guess I'm not that smart." "Women, huh?" "[Scoffs]" "She's confusing "having no friends" with being a "lone wolf."" "Those are two very different things." "Oh, I hear ya, pal." "Sign here." "[Sighs]" "Hey!" "What are you doing?" "The company wants their car back." "Hope the lone wolf's got a bicycle." "No, no, no, no, no!" "I can live without the girlfriend," "But the car?" "The car and I are in love!" "[Car Horn Honks]" "[Wind Whistling]" "[Barking]" "[Man's Voice] T-minus 10, nine, eight, seven..." "What are you looking at?" "And you..." "You beat me once, but I'm taking you down!" "You hear me?" "I'm taking you down!" "Can I help you?" "Uh..." "Hey, uh..." "Nice night, huh?" "Well, for some of us." " But you..." "You don't look so good." " It's been a rough week." "Is that why you're out here in the middle of the night yelling at a building?" "Nah, this place is..." "Why are you here?" "Maybe I was looking for you." "I appreciate the compliment, but I play for the other..." "No, Dax." "I thought you might need someone to talk to." "How would you know that?" "How did you know my name?" "I'm Santa." "[Scoffs]" "Now just humor me, son." "Tell me what you want for Christmas." "Let's see." "Hmm?" "I have no car," "No money, no job, no friends." "How about a pony, Santa?" "No, I'm serious, Dax." "What would it take to turn this whole thing around for you?" "Doesn't matter." "My life is screwed." "Why would you say that?" "I repeat..." "I have no money, no friends, no jobs." "Nothing!" "Nothing is going to fix this!" "You never know." "It's never too late to be the person you should be." "[Chuckles] Yeah." "You should put that in one of those self-help books." ""Fake Santa's False Hopes."" "Never heard that one before." "[Man] Merry Christmas!" "[Excited Chatter]" "[Woman] I need more tape." "Who's hungry?" "[Workers] I am!" "One more." "[Beeps]" "Come on, Santa." "Your form is sloppy." "Back straight, chin up, knees high." "Let's go." "Let's go." "You certainly know how to keep me in line, don't you, Billie?" "Well, it's my job to make sure you can do your job properly." "Let's go." "One more." "Aye-aye, my round-eared friend." "Oh, by the way," "I received some very disappointing news yesterday." "Did your cholesterol tests come back?" "Ho-ho." "No." "I got a letter of resignation from the Head Office Herald of Holiday Operations." "Twixel's resigning?" "What?" "He's been the HOHOHO for almost 200 years." "I know." "Apparently, he doesn't believe he can do his job effectively anymore." "His mind's getting a little... mmm." "[Chuckles] Last night, he accidently turned my sleigh..." "Into a breakfast burrito." "No, I did not eat it." "Uh-huh." "Could have fooled me." "[Both Chuckling]" "So what are we gonna do now?" "Well, I need to select a new HOHOHO, and soon." "It's awfully close to crunch time," "And without my little helper..." "I bet I know who's dying to be appointed." "[Together] Eleanor." "As Twixel's daughter, she seems to believe..." "That the position is hers for the taking." "But ultimately, the decision is mine." "I'm looking for someone who not only has the distribution genius of Amazon," "But also truly embodies the five sugarplum virtues." "Hmm?" "A cool head." "Humility." "Cooperative nature." "Inspirational spirit." "And, of course, the fifth and most important..." "A kind soul." "Exactly." "Now I do have someone in mind." "Who?" "I've been looking into this particular fellow lately." "I have a very good feeling about him." "He could really shake things up around here." "And he's got a very good understanding of what people want..." "Because he's one of them." "One of who?" "He's a normie." "A normie?" "As the HOHOHO?" "That's insane." "Well, maybe a little." "Which is why I need to make sure he's got what it takes." "So I need someone to test him out for me." "Hmm?" "See, I'm doing this because I mean you." "I know you mean me." "But I can't do that, Santa." "Sure, you can." "All you need to do is determine if he's got the qualities I'm looking for..." "Without letting him know who you are or why you're there." "Oh, is that all?" "No." "Then you need to convince him to leave his normie life at home..." "And move to the North Pole." "Piece of cake." "Santa, I can't." "I just can't." "I have a lot of faith in you, Billie." "You are incredibly clever." "And you'll have no trouble at all fitting in over there." "Because..." "Well, yes." "Because that's what makes you special." "Here." "Take this with you." "Twixel's bell?" "Only use North Pole magic when you absolutely have to." "We must be very careful what we do in their world." "I don't know what to say." "Say you'll give it your best shot." "That's all I can ask." "Who wants cookies?" "Oh-ho." "No, no, no, Mrs. C. We just finished a workout." "Perfect time for a reward." "I can't have my man wasting away to nothing." "There, skinny." "Take a few for later." "Mm-hmm." "That's my man." "Hmm?" "[Scoffs] No." "Oh, Billie." "I really don't feel like a cookie right now, Mrs. Claus." "Oh, it's not cookies I wanted to talk to you about." "Oh." "I know what's going on between you and Mr. Claus." "Mrs. Claus, I love your husband, but I would never..." "[Laughing] Oh!" "No, silly." "I meant, I wanted to talk about the HOHOHO position." "What do you mean?" "I know you're disappointed that you're not being considered." "No, I..." "But you have to know how much we value you here." "Santa picked you to see if the normie..." "Had the particulars he's looking for..." "Because he trusts you completely." "Thank you for saying that, but I would never have assumed..." "And there's another beautiful quality we love about you." "Santa's pretty good at matching the person to the task." "I've noticed." "He's pretty cute too." "[Giggling] Yeah." "Safe travels, my dear." "Thanks, Mrs. Claus." "Oh!" "Please call me..." "Well..." "Mrs. Claus." "[Chuckles]" "The Peppermint Portal is almost ready for your journey." "Unfortunately, we lost an elf yesterday," "But I think we're okay now." " Are you serious?" " Of course not!" "I've transported 1,100 elves," "And almost all of them have come back safe." "Kidding again!" "[Laughs]" "You're in good hands." "Hop on." "And just where are you off to?" "That's really none of your business, Eleanor." "Oh, but it will be, once I become the new HOHOHO." "[Softly] Don't hold your breath." " What was that?" " I said you're so blessed." "Don't get smart with me, round ears." "Santa may take pity on you, but I know what you really are." " A freak." " Oh, yeah?" "Tell that to Rudolph." "[Laughs] Burn." "Because Rudolph is..." "At your service, ma'am." "Rudolph at least made something of himself." "What are you?" "A trainer and a dateless wonder." "As much as I'm enjoying this stimulating dialogue..." "Fitzy." "[Portal Opening]" "[Bells Jingling]" "So, Fitzy, where's she going?" "Uh, that is privileged transporter and transportee information." "And the chances of you getting that information from me..." "Are zero..." "As my tolerance for pain is extremely high." "Right." "Right." "[Chuckles]" "Uh, what-what was the question?" "[Snoring]" "[Doorbell Rings]" "What?" "[Knocking]" "Go away!" "[Ringing Continues]" "[Knocking Continues]" "Not here." "[Knocking]" "[Doorbell Ringing]" "What?" "Mr. Ardwick." "I'm Harvey Ward from True National Mortgage." "We've been having a hard time reaching you." "That's 'cause I don't answer the phone when you call." "That would explain it." "Well, anyway, it's my duty to inform you that unless your debts are settled immediately," "We will be foreclosing on your house." "How long do I have?" "At this point, it's really a matter of getting the paperwork done." "I strongly suggest you find a new place to live as soon as possible." "But it's almost Christmas." "My favorite time of year." "Which means they'll probably want to get the paperwork finished way before then." "You might want to face the facts, Mr. Ardwick." "You've been living well beyond your means for quite a while," "And now you're screwed." "[Lock Clicks] Merry Christmas." "[Doorbell Ringing]" "Really?" "Gotta hand it to you, Harv." "You are one pain in the a..." "Well, hello there." " Dax Ardwick?" " Absolutely." " May I come in?" " Absolutely." "You'll have to excuse my attire." "You caught me on a day off." "From what?" "Cleaning?" " [Chuckles] That's very funny, Miss..." " Billie is fine." "Billie is fine." "Did you just..." "I did not." "Look, you're probably more bad news," "But you are by far the best-looking bad news I've seen all week." "Mr. Ardwick, I represent a certain..." "High-profile individual..." "Who has asked me to approach you about an extremely important position..." "Which needs to be filled immediately." "Somebody wants to hire me?" "I mean..." "I'm currently fielding other offers," "But I could always listen to what you have to say." "So you're a headhunter?" "Something like that." "And what type of job is it exactly?" "The position would be directly under the boss himself." "So vice president?" "I guess you could say that." "Nice!" "Who's the boss?" "I can't say." "What type of business is it?" "I can't say." "Will there be stock options?" "I can't say." "What can you say?" "My employer is..." "different than what you're probably used to." "If you want this position, you're going to have to prove yourself first." "Prove myself?" "How?" "He sent me here to see if you have the traits he requires." "So I'll put you through a series of tests," "And if you impress me," "Then I would provide you with the information necessary." "I get it." "It's usually those big time, eccentric bosses..." "That like all this secrecy and hurdle-jumping stuff." "Is this guy single-name famous?" "You could definitely say that." "Then you definitely have my attention." "Okay." "Let's get started." "Now?" "Is that going to be a problem?" "Well, I'll have to make some calls, rearrange my schedule..." "Put on some pants." "Put on some pants." "** [Rock]" "* High above the clouds I hear sleigh bells *" "Please tell me this isn't a company car." "It's very efficient." "Efficiency is important to this job." "Of course." "Yeah." "I like this car." "Where are you from?" "Up north." "Okay." "Your first test is to show me how you handle conflicts," "Solve problems and use your negotiation skills..." "While maintaining an even temper." "So it's a series of challenges for an important position." "Of course." "It's got The Donald written all over it." "It's Trump." "You work for Trump, right?" "Wrong." "[Dax] You might not want to stop here." "This isn't the friendliest of neighborhoods." "I want you to go inside and tell them you dinged one of their bikes." "No, seriously." "We should leave." "Once you reach a peaceful resolution," "You can come out and show them there's no damage." "I'll be waiting." "There's no way I'm doing that." "They'll kill me." "Not if you have the skills needed for the job we're offering." "Remember, cooler heads prevail." "Or I could just tell my boss that you're pursuing one of your many other offers." "If I'm not back in five, call the paramedics." "Oh, and wear this." "Why?" "Because I said so." "[Sighs]" "[Sighs]" "[Man] Yeah, man!" "[Bottles Rattling] ** [Speakers:" "Rock]" "[Chattering]" "Uh, hi." "What is that on your head?" "I'm not really sure." "Look, I hate to tell you this, but..." "Man, that hat is really freaking me out." " Yeah, why would you wear something like that?" " Good question." "Forget about the hat." "Look, I, uh..." "I dinged one of your bikes." "[Man] What'd he say?" "You came in here to tell us that?" "I'd like to think it was really responsible of me." "Oh, yeah, we really appreciate it." "You know, people aren't so honest these days." "Oh." "And by "honest," you know," "I mean "stupid."" "[Man #2] Yeah." "Okay, let's talk this out." "Resolve our conflicts." "Let cooler heads prevail." "[Bikers Murmuring]" "Is that cool enough for ya?" "Bad joke." "This is just some sort of test that I have to..." "Shut up, weird hat." "Guys, take it easy." "I'm just gonna go, if that's okay." "Not before you pay the face tax." "Oh, not the face." "Peanuts?" "Why'd you do that?" "I was hoping you had a peanut allergy." "Aaah!" "No." "No, no." "[Grunts]" "[Groans]" "Guys, guys." "Let's be reasonable adults here, all right?" "Whoa!" "Whoa." "Don't make me use this." "Maybe you're looking for a new member?" "I love your goatee." "[Groans]" "Uh-oh." "Oh, no." "No." "Hi." "[Chuckles]" "[Bell Ringing]" "Boys." "Don't want to be on the naughty list, do you?" "Not a particularly impressive beginning." "Hey, they started it." "It's not about who starts it, it's about not trying to finish it." "You have to learn to control your temper." "That part of the job?" "Turning the other cheek when a bunch of bikers are about to rearrange my face?" "It's a part of any job." "Don't fight." "Are you kidding me?" "My life was in danger." " I would never have let something happen to you." " Oh, I feel better already." "Five angry bikers against..." "What are you, like, 90 pounds?" "Wait a minute." "How did I get out of that place anyway?" "That's not important." "Okay, we need to focus on the next test." "Unless you're wimping out on me." "I... don't... wimp." "Good." "Hey." "Why the hat?" "Because I knew it would throw you off your game." "And I thought it would be funny." "Oh." "You do have a sense of humor." "I was beginning to wonder." "Well." "You know, I just realized," "You don't have a single Christmas decoration in here." "Not one." "Christmas isn't exactly my favorite time of year." "Are you serious?" "When I was growing up, the other kids would decorate trees," "Carol with their family," "Open presents on Christmas Day." "Me, not so much." "I can't remember the last time I got a present." "Cuban!" "It's got a whole Cuban-y vibe." "The whole "trial by fire" thing." "Am I right?" "I'm afraid not." "Let's just move on to the next task." "Wait." "One last question." "Why me?" "I'm still trying to figure that one out." "Well, when you do figure it out, let me know." "I'm going to take a shower." "Fine." "[Sighs]" "Fitzy?" "What are you doing here?" "And why are you dressed like Santa?" " Where am I?" " Between the poles." " Why are you here?" " This?" "This is between the poles?" "I mean, I've been sending elves back and forth for almost 50 years," "And I've never actually taken the journey myself." "I didn't think it was safe." "Kidding." "Sort of." "I rang for Santa." "Ah." "Well, I was adjusting the teleportation frequency capacitance..." "And, well, one thing led to another..." "And here I am." "And why are you wearing Santa's clothes?" "Why do you think..." "These aren't Santa's." "Okay, fine." "Sometimes when Santa goes to sleep," "I put on one of his shirts." "And his hat." "And his hat." "And-And then I..." "I sit behind his desk and I imagine..." "What it would be like to..." "To bring so much joy to all those children." "Fitz." "Am I in trouble?" "Your secret is safe with me, but don't ever..." "I..." "I promise." "I will never transport another Frappuccino." "Kidding!" "[Chuckles]" "Santa's clothes are his own." "Duh!" "Mm, okay." "Later, Fitzy." "He's one of a kind, isn't he?" " You knew?" " Santa knows." "Does Santa also know that Dax is never gonna qualify for this job?" "Why would you say that?" "He doesn't possess one of the five qualities you're looking for." "Billie, he just started." "But two minutes ago he said, "Christmas isn't exactly my favorite time of year."" " Yes, but..." " And he must have read my mind when he asked me," ""Why me?" [Scoffs]" "It just doesn't make any sense." "Maybe instead of wondering why him," "You should be asking, "Why not him?"" "I can think of a dozen reasons." "Santa, why did you choose him?" "Sometimes making the choice that makes the least sense makes the most sense." "Um, not helping." "Billie, when you give good people possibility," "They do great things." "Please speak to me in simple North Pole lingo." "Billie, the truth about human character..." "Will always reveal itself." "I think inside Dax..." "Is a man of great character." "Hmm?" "Now, if you don't mind..." "[Yawning]" "I'm going to go off to bed because I'm sleepy." "[Portal Whooshing]" "[Sighs]" "[Woman] * They'll fill our stockings up with *" "* The love in our hearts *" "* Our Christmas tree will be *" "* A great big work of art **" "Please tell me I don't have to wear the hat." "You don't have to wear the hat." "Is my life going to be in danger again?" "You don't have to wear the hat." "[Heavy Sigh]" "Is this about cooking?" "Because I can do that with my eyes closed." " Impressive." " I know." "You ever heard the expression, "True humility is not thinking less of yourself..." "But thinking of yourself less"?" "That wasn't exactly on my yearbook page." "Yeah, apparently." "Your potential future employer..." "Finds humility to be an important character asset." "Put this on." "What, so I can amuse you again?" "Nope." "It's required this time." "Mmm!" "Looks good." "[Dax] Humility?" "What does this have to do with humility?" "Oh." "Try it." "Mmm." "Good, huh?" "Mm-hmm." "Hey, hey, hey." "[Giggles]" "** [Funk]" "[Children Shouting]" "[Man] * Izya funkin' Baby, izya funkin' *" "* Uh, izya funkin' *" "* Baby, izya funkin' *" "* I, izya funkin' *" "* Baby, izya *" "It's Maynard the Monkey!" "Dance, monkey, dance!" "I said dance!" "* Baby, dance *" "* Show me your moves *" "* Come on and give up your stuff, girl *" "* You don't know how much I love you *" "* I love your style I can't get enough *" "This monkey sucks." "[Children Exclaiming]" "* Go on * [Billie] Dax!" "* Go down to the disco *" "* So we can boogie all night long *" "[Children Laughing]" "* Izya funkin' *" "Get the monkey in three!" "One, two, three!" "[Grunts]" "* Baby, izya funkin' tonight **" "[Blows Landing]" "I want the Lion's Share chicken fingers plate with mayo and mustard." "Extra spicy." "Got it?" "[Bell Dings]" "Share chicken tenders, extra spicy, not too..." "It doesn't matter." "Just pick one." "Rhino Fries with extra cheese, no onions." "I need Rhino Fries, extra cheese, onions..." "Wait." "Make that extra onions," "No cheese." "[Bell Dings] Just load it up!" "Stop!" "No!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Mix all the sodas into one cup but not with ginger ale." "[Bell Ringing] One extra-large soda." "Because that makes me puke." "Like, bad." "[Bell Dings] Mix them all together." "[Tree Laughing] [Dinging Continues]" "What are you so happy about?" "[Dinging Rapidly]" "[Groaning]" "Ow!" "I think I like the birthday boy." "I want him to be my boyfriend." "Then you should talk to him." "Are you crazy?" "[Groans]" "I should just punch him." "He'll get the hint." "Oh!" "Monkey," "I think there was ginger ale in that drink." "I don't feel so good." "[Stomach Growling]" "[Retching]" "[Children Exclaiming]" "[Retching Continues]" "[Cheering]" " Anything else?" " You're supposed to call me "Your Highness."" "Anything else, Your Highness?" "Hey, don't be mad at me 'cause you have to dress like a monkey and do whatever I say." "That's about your messed up life choices." " [Burps] - [Children Laughing]" "What's that say on your cake?" "Huh?" "[All Gasping]" "[Murmuring]" "[Man] How can you do that to a child?" "[Gasps]" "[Gasping]" "[Murmuring Continues]" "I mean..." "Birthday food fight!" "[Children Shouting]" "** [Hip-hop]" "[Man Rapping] * And call the cops *" "* We ain't goin' to stop to the body rock *" "* To the hip-hop you don't stop *" "* And sure enough this beat would be the sure shock *" "* And if your party gettin' hot we call the cops *" "* Yo, I'm doin' my thing You can't complain *" "* 'Cause when it comes to hip-hop we pop the champagne *" "* There ain't nothin' like hip-hop music *" "* Emcees and deejays choose it *" "* I stay true to the crew *" "How do you like my life choices now, kid?" "I like 'em!" "You rock!" "* Every day is how we do's it *" "* I got the beats and the rhymes with the cool kids *" "* I put your body on the floor Girl, move it *" "* 'Cause it ain't nothin' like hip-hop music *" " Happy birthday, little dude!" " * Hip-hop music **" "What was that about?" "It's called "thinking on your feet." Impressed?" "That you came up with something to cover up for the problem you created in the first place?" "Well, when you put it like that." "Your temper is becoming an issue of concern." "Hey, for the record, I didn't fight one single kid." "[Scoffs] Oh, my God." "Really?" "You're not even taking this seriously at all." "Billie." "[Sighs]" "I'm sorry, really." "But you've got to cut me some slack." "I'm doing all this without any guarantees." "I'm not exactly in my comfort zone." "Well, you did manage to keep focus on the job you needed to do," "Regardless of your..." "humiliating outfit." "I have no idea what you're talking about." "[Chuckles]" "I'll admit the birthday boy really had it coming." "I know, right?" "Yeah." "Okay, fine." "I'll give you this one." "Now go get out of that ridiculous costume and meet me back here." "Hug?" "Go." "Go!" "Don't..." "[Chuckles] What a joke." "So you're my competition." "Pitiful." "Pitiful?" "I thought I nailed it." "Do they really have elves in the jungle?" "Do you really think you're more qualified for the job than me?" "I don't think..." "Yes, you don't think." "Because if you did, you'd realize this job belongs to me." "I've been trained of this my entire life." "Now that's pitiful." "I just put the suit on and winged it." "Yeah, you can tell." "This used to be my dad's job," "And I'm not about to let some outsider take what's rightfully mine." "Come on." "Who are we kidding here?" "I mean, look at these stupid costumes they make us wear." "What?" "I thought the monkey thing was bad, but... [Groans]" "Wait." "Stop trying to confuse me with your normie logic, okay?" "Normie logic?" "Why are you so con..." "[Sighs] I will fight to the death to become the new..." "Monkey?" "You might want to set some higher goals for yourself." "Look, I will leave your dad's suit in here for you, okay?" "Oh." "One word of advice..." "If it gets out of hand out there, just start a food fight." "Works every time." "Oh!" "Some kid puked big time near the Lava Slide." "You might want to grab a bucket." "[Scoffs]" "Oh!" "Oh, okay." "[Eleanor] You have got to be kidding me." "Eleanor." "I just met your normie-slash-monkey." "Tell me, do you really think that poor excuse for a human..." "Can compete with the likes of me?" "This is official Santa business." "Take it up with him if you have a problem." "A normie can't be the HOHOHO." "It's simply not possible." "There's nothing in the rules that says he can't." "I'll be looking into these so-called rules." "Believe you me." ""Believe you me." I heard that, round ears." "Enjoy these next few days, because when I become the new HOHOHO," "I'm going to make your life a living hell." "[Man] * I'm looking up *" "* 'Cause, baby, I've been down *" "* I'm looking up *" "* I'm tired of being yoked down * [Women] * Ooh *" "This seems like a Google thing." "Or maybe that Musk guy." "He's always got weird ideas." "Am I getting warmer?" "No." " Bezos?" " No." " Gates?" " No." "Stop guessing." " All right, fine." "Zuckerberg?" " [Scoffs]" "I'm tenacious." "You got to give me that." "[Chuckles] "Tenacious" is a big word for a monkey man." "[Cell Phone Chimes]" "[Beeping]" "Give me a sec." "Mr. Ardwick, it's Harvey from True National Mortgage." "Great news!" "Well, for us anyway." "We've managed to expedite your paperwork." "Hope you find a new place to live," "Because the next time you see me..." "[Beeps]" "* I'm looking up Yeah, yeah **" " Want to talk about it?" " Not really." " Can I get you a drink or something?" " No, I... should probably go." "Big day tomorrow." "Last chance to see if you've got what it takes." " But no pressure." " Oh, no." "There's tons of pressure." "[Both Chuckle]" "You should smile more." "It makes you even prettier." " Can I ask you something?" " Shoot." "Do you really think I'm..." "I mean, you keep saying that..." "You use these words..." "Like "beautiful"?" "'Cause you might be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." "No, I'm being serious." "So am I." "You don't think my..." "My ears are too..." "Too what?" "Adorable?" "[Sighs]" "I need to go!" "[Gasps]" "This is..." "completely unprofessional." "[Clattering]" "Oh!" "That's not a door." "Um..." "Thank you..." "For the words." "I'll see you tomorrow." "Thank you very much." "Bye." "** [Rock Ballad]" "[Man] * There is a feeling *" "* This time of the season *" "Look, about last night..." "I don't know what you're talking about." "I'm just going to focus on my job," "Which is making sure you're the right person for your job." "But..." "Drop it." "Okay?" "This next test is about inspiring others." "Getting people to follow your lead willingly and enthusiastically." "So, like, motivational speaking?" "That's part of it." "It's also about representing yourself in a way..." "That makes people want to better themselves." "Branson!" "It's got to be Richard Branson." "I guessed it, didn't I?" "You did guess," "And you'd be wrong." "Again." "This isn't going to involve kids, is it?" "Quite the opposite." "* Merry Christmas *" "* And a happy new year *" "* To you, baby **" "[Woman On TV] Good, honey." "Believe me, I will never get in that car again." "[Snoring] [Man] It's your fault there's no romance." "[Woman] Why are you crying?" "[Woman #3] I just can't handle this right now." "It's really too stressful." "[Woman #2] My heart's racing." "We're in the middle of the road." "I don't know what to do." "It's just too much for me." "I'm getting my bag..." "[Woman #3] Where are you going?" "Maddy, no!" "If you want to walk, Maddy, you need the exercise." "So you better get walking." "[Maddy] I need the exercise?" "[Woman] Everybody in the car!" "Did I hurt... break your nose?" "Did I hurt your nose?" "Do you..." "[Maddy] Oh, yeah, cellulite!" "These legs make so much money." " Last year..." " I need to exercise?" "Lauren needs to get these girls back in the car." "[Clattering]" "[Man] This is about you not accepting responsibility." "[Snoring] [Chattering]" "I just want to go, and I want to get to the next town." "I'm really stressed out." "How's everyone doing this morning?" "[Woman #2] Maddy, come out and tell me!" "You're beating around the bush." "Maddy, please." "Just do this for me." "I said, how's everyone doing this morning?" "Is this a commercial?" "You're blocking the TV." "[Woman #2] We're not talking!" "We're not gonna talk..." "I'm gonna need everyone to focus on me for just a few minutes." "This is a long, boring commercial." "Can we fast forward?" "All right." "My name is Dax and I'm here to get your bodies movin'!" "Physical fitness is extremely important for people of all ages." "Now, if I can get you all to stand up." "Those of you that can stand up." "Take your shirt off!" "Ma'am, please." "I'm trying to demonstrate that I can inspire..." "But I can't hear you with your shirt on." "We're going to start with a few simple stretches..." " I say take your shirt off, and I'll think about it." " [Chuckling]" "Fine." "Fine." "Oh!" "[Chuckling]" " Now will you stand up?" " Didn't I hire you for Rose's 90th?" "I think you were dressed as a policeman." " No, I-I don't..." " You're prettier if you don't talk." "What's going on?" "Is this a strip club?" "Come on." "Shake it, Magic Mike." "This is ridiculous." "Whoo!" "Whoo!" "This isn't proving anything." "I know I can lead." "Knowing and doing are two totally different things." "I think I'd rather go back to the kids." "If you can't get five followers, you're never gonna be able to inspire hundreds." "I'd be in charge of hundreds?" "Not at this rate." " Maybe she should take her shirt off." " Zip it!" "Now can you stop being a quitter," "Get back over there and show me how to do this?" "[Beeps, Steady Beat]" "You forgotten something, Mr. Sexy Pants?" "* This ain't no jingle bells * In fact, I did, ma'am." "I forgot how happy it would make me if you joined me in a few exercises." "* Th-The time of year *" "Would you please do me the honor?" "Well." "[Chuckling]" "Well, I..." "I'm not promising anything." "How 'bout we just twist the hips?" "All right, yeah." "There you go." "Back and forth." "That's it." "There you go." "I'll dance with the naked man!" "She can walk!" "Okay, now, let's move our arms on three." "One, two, three." "** [Stereo:" "Man Rapping] Hey." "Here we go!" "All right!" "Now let's raise the roof!" "Why?" "What's the matter with the roof?" "Nothing." "The roof's fine!" "Now if I can get my pretty little friend here to join us." "Ah!" "[Laughs] Impressed?" "Oh, it's not a total failure." "* Keep it going now all night long *" "* We all up, up We all up, up *" "* We all up in the Christmas club *" "* We all up, up We all up * Who's this trollop?" "* In the Christmas club **" "[Man] * Jingle bells, jingle bells *" "* Jingle all the way *" "So, only one more test, and that's it?" "The job's mine?" "Let's not get ahead of ourselves." "We have to see how you do first." "Then weigh that with your previous performances." "And you're telling me all this is gonna be worth the effort?" "This job provides rewards that are..." "Immeasurable." "I like the sound of that." "This last test isn't gonna be easy though." "Wait, the others were supposed to be easy?" "Think of them as a warm-up." "Now I'm gonna need you to show me the very best version of yourself." "* O'er the fields we go *" "* Laughing all the way *" "Does that place mean something to you?" "Just a business deal." "It's none of my business anymore." "* Oh, what fun it is to ride *" "* And sing a sleighing song tonight *" "* Jingle bells, jingle bells *" "* Jingle all the way *" "* Oh, what fun it is to ride *" "Dax, we have a problem." "You're falling for me, and it scares you?" "Please." "Give it a rest." "I thought I had one of those roadside assistance cards." "Hey, where'd you find that stuff?" "In the car." "Do you want me to figure out how to put that thing on?" "No." "It's fine." "But it's a man's job." "Where I'm from, we don't differentiate between male and female." "We work together, as equals." "I knew it!" "I knew you weren't from here." "There's something different about you, Billie." "I've dated a lot of women." "[Creaking]" " Obviously." "I mean, look at me." " Off the car!" "But you..." "You seem..." "I don't know." "You operate at a different rhythm than any girl I've ever met." "It's like you're from a different planet or something." "A beautiful planet." "Um, same planet." "I don't know anything about you." " I..." " I don't even know your last name." "I assume you have a last name, or are you like Pink?" "All right." "What do you want to know?" "For starters, what's your last name?" "It's, uh, Gene?" "Billie's last name is Gene?" "Yeah." "You must have been really teased when that song came out." "What song?" "The Mi..." "Doesn't matter." "Next question..." "Do you have a man in your life?" "Uh, it didn't work out." "What happened?" "Um, the usual." "Yeah." "Let me guess." "He said, "It's not you, it's me."" "Or was it," ""You're too good for me." "I'll just hold you back."" "Or my favorite, "We had fun." "But a smart girl knows when to leave a sinking ship."" " That's mean." " Yeah, I thought it was." " Any more questions?" " Yeah." "How long's this gonna take?" "I'm hungry." "[Man] * Silent night *" "* Holy night *" "* All is calm *" "* All is bright *" "[Billie Gasps] A hot dog cart!" "I gotta have one." " Do you want?" " No, thanks." "I'm gonna stretch, get some feeling back in my legs." "* Holy infant **" "[Man Coughing, Groaning]" "Hello?" "[Groaning Continues]" "[Coughs]" "All right." "Keep sleeping it off, alkie." "I'm not drunk." "[Grunts]" "[Bottles Clattering] I've been mugged." "No, no, no." "What is it?" "My great-great-grandfather's ring." "I was to have passed it down to my son on his birthday." "I don't care about the money at all," "But that ring..." "That ring was priceless to me." "You need me to call the cops or anything?" "I-I'll manage." "Thank you for stopping." "Not many would've done so." "Sure you're okay?" "Yes, thank you." "Ooh, yeah." "It's not my problem." "[Singsongy] It's not my problem." "[Sighs]" "Hey." " What do you want?" " Keep the wallet." "Just give me the ring, okay?" " Is he for real?" " Totally real." "I'd really like that ring back." "What are you gonna do about it?" "Do you really want to find out?" "Fine." "Whatever, man." "The thing's super ugly anyway." "I got something for you." "Oh, but how?" "Found it on the ground over there." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Don't worry about it." "It's no big deal." "I won't forget this." "Tell your son happy birthday." "Come on, let's get to that last test." "That will not be necessary." "You just passed it." "I did?" "My boss places a lot of value on special acts of kindness," "Especially toward strangers." "Wait a minute." "Does that mean you're..." "Impressed?" "Yes, Dax." "I'm impressed." "Does that mean I got the job?" "It means you qualify for the job." "The final decision is up to the boss himself." "What was his name again?" "Nice try." "[Engine Starts]" "To Dax, who's come a long way in a short time." "Thanks." "Just tell me this..." "Is it a Fortune 500 company?" "Dax." "NASDAQ?" "New York stock exchange?" "Dax." "It's Murdoch, isn't it?" "No." "Come on." "Just tell me." "It's Santa." "Sorry." "What is it?" "Your new boss is Santa." "Santa Claus." "[Chuckles] Good one." "Who is it, really?" "It's really Santa Claus." "Kriss Kringle." "St. Nicholas himself." "Billie, why are you..." "The woman you met at the birthday party..." "She's your competition." "She is an elf." "Oh, this story just gets better and better." "Come on!" "Stop joking." "I'm dead serious." "Okay." "Look, I understand this is really hard for you to believe." "Hard to believe?" "Did Lane put you up to this?" "Is this some sort of prank?" "No, Santa put me up to this." "He wanted to make sure you qualified for the position." "Santa put..." "What position?" "The vice president of Christmas?" "Ho, ho, ho!" "Very funny!" "Dax, haven't you ever heard of "Santa's little helper"?" "The dog from The Simpsons?" "It's a nickname for the Head Office Herald of Holiday Operations." "It's the second most important job in the North Pole." "Of course!" "Yeah." "I suppose next you're gonna tell me you're an elf." "Yeah, I am." "Sure, you are." "Yeah." "A tall elf!" "And where's your pointy ears, huh?" "Okay, you know what?" "Elves come in all different shapes and sizes," "Just like normies do." "Normies?" "And my ears aren't pointed because..." "I was born with a genetic defect." "It's rare, but it happens." "Billie... if that's even your name..." "look around." "The bank's gonna take all of this." "I don't have a plan "B."" "I believed there was a job because I had to believe it." "I'm not lying." "There is a job, and it's a great one." "As the HOHOHO." "Oh!" "Up in the North Pole?" "Surrounded by gumdrops and gingerbread men?" "Yes." "Wow!" "How did I..." "How did I not see this coming?" "You need to calm down." "Calm down?" "Calm down?" "Do not make me use this." "A bell?" "You're gonna threaten me with a bell?" "Don't you get it?" "My life is over!" "[Rings]" "Don't talk." "Don't think." "If we are going to get anywhere," "You're going to have to start listening to me..." "Because I have a lot of things to tell you, okay?" "Cheer up, Dax." "Go to your happy place." "I don't have a happy place." "I don't have a job." "I don't have money." "I don't have anything!" "There's a lot more where that came from." "[Rings]" "[Doorbell Ringing]" "You might want to get that." "[Groans] Oops." "Evening, Dax." "Wait." "I know you." "You're the guy from the youth center." "I am." "May I come in?" "I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were my man..." "When you got that ring back for me." "Wait." "That was you too?" "[Different Voice] I won't forget this." "So freaky." "As Billie said, "You've come a long way."" "And that..." "that little bell thingy did all that?" "North Pole magic is what powers Christmas, Dax." "It can do almost anything." "I still don't understand." "Out of all the people in the world, why me?" "Come with me," "And I'll show you." "You remember this place, don't you?" "Hope Springs Youth Center." "You spent a lot of time in this building." "Parents weren't around much." "I hung around here more than I did at home." "I think it's safe to say you were a bit of a troublemaker before you started coming here." "This building had quite an effect on you, didn't it?" "Come on." "Let's take a look." "Three months of rehearsals down the drain..." "Because somebody thought he needed the money..." "More than us." "Dax Ardwick." "I didn't take it." "Well, the only people who had access to it were you, Tommy and Mike." "They both have airtight alibis," "Leaving only one other possibility." "You." "I didn't do it." "I love this play." "I love this place." "Says the dirt-poor kid who actually asked to be treasurer..." "Of the Christmas show charity fund?" "Come on." "You can all go." "Thanks a lot." "Way to ruin it for the rest of us." "Guys, it wasn't me." "If Tommy and Mike didn't do it," "And I know I didn't do it," "That means you did." "I know." "[Laughing]" "Good luck proving that, Sherlock." "Who's gonna believe you?" "I've seen punks like you come and go, and they always amount to nothing," "No matter how hard they try to rise above their pathetic DNA." "Why are you doing this to me?" "[Sighs] Life's full of disappointments, kid." "Get used to it." "It's the same jerk that just stole the center's money." "And your compassion for others." "That was the moment you stopped trusting other people," "Became closed off and started caring only about yourself." "The center said they wouldn't press charges if I agreed to leave and never come back." "So I did." "I know." "I learned a very valuable lesson that day." "People are only gonna let you down." "Well, turns out that lesson..." "Became a significant loss to the rest of the world." "What do you mean?" "If you had kept your heart open to others," "You would have realized your dream and become an astronaut." "Dax Ardwick would have become a household name." "You would have made millions in product endorsements." "Whether orbiting the Earth or walking around the block," "I always start my day with Dax Flax." "Stay healthy." "Travel strong." "With Flax from Dax." "You would have met a wonderful woman, had two beautiful children." "[Laughing]" "You would have used the science of zero gravity..." "And discovered a cure for the common cold." "[Monitor Beeping]" "Oh, yeah." "And for a couple of weeks," "You would've been a greeter at a famous clothing store." "How's your day going?" "You were capable of amazing things, Dax," "Because you used to believe that anything was possible." "That's my life?" "Mm-hmm." "Use your North Pole magic to give me that life!" "Oh, I can't." "It ceased to exist..." "When you closed yourself off and stopped caring about others." "So..." "It's too late?" "It's never too late to make a new start," "To find your best self." "Hmm?" "[Water Splashing]" "Well!" "Th-That's my face." "And you know what they say?" "When in Rome, do as the normies do." "How does this guy figure out what to wear?" "Ugh." "This normie life is complicated." "** [Up-tempo Instrumental Intro]" "Whoo!" "Yeah." "* She's got her girlfriends on the phone *" "* Saying, "Don't be late" *" "Fitz?" "* She shows up before the band *" "* 'Cause she just can't wait *" " What happened to your beard?" " Well, I thought..." "Where are your elf clothes, and what are you doing here?" "That is a good question." "That is actually two good questions." "Is that Dax's shirt?" "Hmm?" "And tie?" "And sunglasses?" "Fitz, why... are..." "you... here?" "Where is your beard?" "Why are you wearing Dax's clothes?" "Because Dax is a pretty incredible guy." "Maybe he is." "Oh, I know he is." "Turns out we have way more in common that I thought." "I transport elves across space." "He's always wanted to travel through space as an astronaut." "Plus, he used to work at a youth center," "Bringing hope and joy to all those children, only he did it all year round." "We have very similar stuff." "Fitz." "Do not change one thing about yourself." "You're an amazing, thoughtful, smart," "Compassionate elf." "Really?" "Really." "Now, go use some North Pole magic." "Get yourself back to the Fitz we love." "And get your butt out of here before Santa gets back." "Santa's here?" "Yeah." "Oh, no." "Okay." "Uh, about this..." "You were never here." "You have the bell." "I have the bell." "Yes." "Okay." "Bye, Fitzy." "When we first met, you told me you wanted a shot at the big time." "Well, I'd like to give you that shot..." "A truly unique opportunity to be great." "What do you say?" "Are you okay?" "I..." "I don't know." "[Chuckles] Congratulations, Dax." "The job's yours if you want it." "Take tonight to think it over." "A decision this important shouldn't be rushed, hmm?" "I hope you say yes." "[Door Opens]" "[Door Closes] [Exhales]" "[Knocking]" "Good morning, Harvey!" "Mr. Ardwick." "It's all yours." "I mean, True National's." "Sorry I didn't clean up." "The place is a mess." "Have a good day!" "Welcome to the North Pole, Dax!" " No jet lag." " And no excess baggage fee." "I like." " It's good to be here, sir." " Oh, no, no." ""Sir" won't do at all." "If we're going to be working together, I insist you call me Santa." "Whatever you say, Santa." "And this must be Mrs. Claus." "Santa, you're a lucky man." "I remind him of that every day." "You know what they say?" ""Behind every great man..."" " Is a great woman." " What?" "[Santa] Hmm?" " No, there's a plate of cookies." "Have one!" "I'd love to, but I just ate." "Eat... the... cookie." "That is the most amazing cookie I have ever tasted!" "You're gonna fit right in, Dax." "Welcoming committee!" "Welcome to the North Pole." "Ho, ho." "Now, Dax, since Christmas is just around the corner," "It's best if we swear you in right away." "Normally, this ceremony is far more festive," "But there's so much to do and so little time." "It's not about the hype, it's about the work." "Well said." "Citizens of the North Pole," "We are gathering here today on this auspicious occasion..." "To enact a most noble..." "Not... so... fast." "Well." "Don't mean to interrupt." "Actually, no, I do mean to interrupt." " What do you want, Eleanor?" " I think we all know exactly what I want." "Yes, but I'm afraid I've already made that decision." "Dax here has demonstrated that he is perfectly capable..." "Of handling the HOHOHO position." "Oh!" "Well, good for him, but... [Clears Throat]" ""Rule Number 2701B:"" "Although Santa is responsible for selecting the HOHOHO," ""Anyone who disagrees with his decision may publicly lodge an objection."" " I object." " [Gasping]" ""Furthermore, they are also within their rights..."" "To challenge the nominee to a single competitive event..." ""In which the victor shall be duly named HOHOHO."" "Can she do this?" "Watch me." "I, Eleanor the elf," "Formally challenges Santa's normie nominee..." "To a race at the SBC." "[All Gasping]" "SBC?" "What's that?" "Santa's Boot Camp." "It's a brutal obstacle course that Santa designed..." "To help prepare us for all the challenges that come our way." "No problem then." "I run the Cro-Magnon every year." "Eleanor has never been beat, ever." "Her father runs the boot camp." "He has for 85 years." "Nobody knows that place better than her." "I'm not giving up now." "Let's do this." "It's settled then." "Fitz will guide you through the course." " Good luck, Dax." " I got this." "What do I have to lose?" "Everything." "[Bird Hooting]" "Nervous?" "No, but you should be." "That's what the last guy said." "What was his name again?" "Oh, yeah." "Pathetic loser." "Welcome, contestants!" "When this snowball hits the ground, begin the race." "The first elf, or person, to complete the course wins." "If one of you does not complete the course," "Your remains will be sent free of charge to your loved ones." "I'm kidding." "I'm kidding." "There will be a small fee." "[Wheezing Laugh] I'm kidding again!" "[Laughing Continues]" "This is where we're supposed to start." "After you." "[Breathing Shakily]" "[Exhaling]" "You're doing great." "Really great." "[Clears Throat]" "Have you heard the story of the tortoise and the hare?" "Santa, that's a fable." "This is real life." "She's got a point there, my dear." "Okay." "I'm going to start now!" "Don't trip." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Excuse me." " Oh." " [Dax Grunting]" "Oops." "[Chuckling]" "Is that legal?" "I don't think she cares." "Wait for me!" "[Screaming]" "Come here!" "Get off me!" "Get off!" "[Grunting]" "Get off me!" " [Groaning]" " Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Oh!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" " I may start slow, but I finish strong." " Ow!" "That's what I'm talking about!" "Yes!" "That's how Mama butters her cookies!" "I mean..." ""Go, Dax, go."" "[All Chanting] Go, Dax, go." "Go, Dax, go." "Go, Dax, go!" "Go, Dax, go!" "I could have been the HOHOHO." "But did they ask me?" "No, no, no." "[Laughing] See, that's funny." "[Shouts] Who's the man?" "[All] Dax the man!" " I said, who's the man?" " Dax the man!" "[Ferocious Shouting]" "[Squealing, Chuckling]" " [Gasping] - [Groaning]" "Oh, sugarplums!" "Ooh." "[Dax Groaning]" "Excuse me." "Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!" "[Eleanor] Whoo!" "[Eleanor Laughing]" "Is this all you got, normie?" "How's it feel to be losing to a girl, huh?" "Hey, heads up." "[All Groaning]" "Aw." "Good-bye." "Good effort there." "Whoo!" "Yeah!" "[Laughing]" "[All] Oh, no!" "Tough break, normie!" "Hmm." "[Chuckling]" " [Bell Rings]" " Well, that was fun and easier than expected." "And since time is of the essence," "I would like to be sworn in and retrieve my father's bell," "If you please." "Billie, I'd like you to hold on to the bell for now." "But, Santa, that's mine." "I think it best if you call me "sir."" "You okay, son?" "I'm sorry, Santa." "I let you down." "Oh, quite the contrary." "You demonstrated all the virtues I hold most dear." "The most important thing is never to lose sight..." "Of who you are and who you can be." "There's a great man within you, Dax." "Don't be afraid to let him shine." "[Dax] Thank you." "[Mrs. Claus] Who's hungry?" "Let's get something to eat." "I'll be there in a minute." "Aw." "That was a cute little moment, wasn't it?" "Congratulations, Eleanor." "You got what you wanted." "Some people just never learn." "Give it a rest." "Just be nicer to Billie." "She's a great person and doesn't deserve the way you treat her." "Oh." "You've fallen for her." "How pathetic." "Face it, normie, you don't belong here." "This isn't your world." "Go home." "There you are." "I'm sorry, Billie." "I let everybody down, especially you." "If anything, I let you down." "I should have known Eleanor was up to something." "I could have prepared you." "Doesn't matter." "What's done is done." "I guess the question is, what now?" "Well, it's gonna get really busy around here." "I'm sure we can find you another job." "I appreciate that," "But I think I'm gonna go back, find my own path," "Get reacquainted with the real Dax." "Well..." "Do you know what you're gonna do?" "I'm still working that one out." "Well..." "I'm sure whatever you decide..." "Will be great." "See you in the morning?" "Yeah." "See you then." "[Bell Rings]" "Time to go to work." "I mean, I can't really walk the whole way there." "[Ringing]" "Oh, mama." "[Tires Screeching]" "[Warning Bell Dinging]" "Can't drive stick." "Okay." "All right." "Let's go." "Come on." "Come on, baby." "Come on." "Yes!" "Did he say anything before he left?" "Just that he had urgent business to attend to." "Am I in trouble?" "Don't worry yourself." "But set the portal for the same location, please." "Right away." "I just don't get it." "He was making so much progress." "I thought he had changed." "That's what's so confusing about this." "But people can be very unpredictable, Billie." "You never know what they'll do next." "Fitz." "Gentlemen, let's do this." "[Crowd Shouting]" " Lane!" " Whoa, whoa." "Easy, Dax!" "You just take it easy." "You lay one finger on me, and I'm gonna sue you so fast, it's gonna make your head spin." "Relax." "I'm not here to hurt you." "I'm here to stop you from destroying a bunch of kids' hopes and dreams." "Well, unless you can pull some kind of miracle out of your hat," "I'd say this center is out of time." "[Chuckles] Look at that." "You're not even wearing a hat." "No, but I do have this." "Oh." "Well, geez, that changes everything." "I get to knock down a building, and you get to ring a little bell." "Oh." "[Chuckling]" "What's going on?" "Hi." "Remember me?" "You know, the kid with the pathetic DNA." "Ardwick?" "Is that you?" "I gotta give you credit..." "You were almost right." "I almost amounted to nothing because I made the mistake of listening to you." "This guy's been stealing from the center since I was a kid." "He just emptied their entire endowment and fled to the Canary Islands." "It's true." "He stole everything!" "Life is full of disappointments." "Get used to it." "[Man] Shame on you!" "Make sure you transfer all that money back to the center." "[Applauding] Nice little trick, Dax." "But tricks don't pay the rent." "That money was due today." "So, no money, no building." "Oh, you need the money now?" "Watch this." "[Laughing]" "Maybe you should get Santa there to help you out." "Why don't you head back to whatever mall you crawled out of, huh?" "Take it down!" "I'm afraid you're on your own, son." "Stop!" "Now!" "Stop right now!" "Stop!" "Oh!" "[Engine Stops]" "How many of you believe in Santa Claus?" "I didn't." "In fact, I didn't believe in anything good for the longest time." "But I'll never make that mistake again." "Are we going to let one man's greed destroy something that we all..." "People!" "People, please." "Don't listen to him." "The man's afraid of progress." "Progress?" "Tearing this down is not progress." "Progress is believing in our kids," "Giving them a chance, helping them find their passion." "If you believe, stand with me." "Stand with me right here right now!" "Together, we can save this youth center." "Don't do this, or I will destroy you." "Knock down this building," "And your creative accounting will become public knowledge." "Christmas wouldn't be too fun behind bars, now, would it?" "This isn't over, Dax." "The center is ours and will always be ours!" "[Cheering]" "Way to go, Dax!" "Oops." "[Chuckling]" "What just..." "How did you..." "Let's just say, it's never too late to believe in Christmas miracles." "That has gotta be the weirdest, coolest thing I've ever seen." "Life is full of surprises, kid." "Get used to it." " I always knew you were a good guy." " Really?" "No." "Don't you have a Christmas play to prepare for?" "Thank you." "Let's go put on a play!" "[Cheering] Let's go!" "There you are." "In case you forgot, I still need to be sworn in, and there's so much..." "Let me stop you right there, Eleanor." "Sir?" "We all know what a stickler you are for the rules," "So I wanted you to be aware of sub-rule 11A, section 411:" ""In the unlikely event of a challenge for the position of HOHOHO,"" "Good sportsmanship must be exhibited..." ""By each competitor at all times."" "In laymen terms, you lose, sucker!" "Come on!" "It was a competition!" "I was a good sportsman." "I won fair and square." "I'm Santa, the one who knows if you've been bad or good," "And you have disqualified yourself many times over." "Ouch." "That's gotta sting." "But I'm the only one that qualifies." "Wrong again, my grumpy friend." "I believe that there is one person..." "Who has clearly demonstrated all of the five sugarplum virtues..." "And then some." "You see this?" "I'm doing this because I mean you." "Me?" "Her?" "Why do I get the feeling that this might have been your plan all along?" "I have no idea what you're talking about." "[Angry Grunt]" "I've dreamed of being the HOHOHO." "I know." "I don't know what to say." " Say you'll accept the job." " Yeah." "Yes." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "[Laughing]" "Oh, my God!" "So everything worked out for the best." " I guess you could say that." " Then perhaps I could get an early Christmas present?" "Oh, you already have it, Dax." "The most important present of all..." "The best version of yourself." "How about the best version of myself..." "In my new car?" "[Grunts, Clicks Tongue] Worth a shot." "Billie." "You still mad at me for the whole bell thing?" "How can I be?" "You wanted to do something great, and you did." "For all those people." "What was that for?" "Do I need a reason?" "No reason needed." "You think this can work?" "A normie and an elf?" "I like to think this world is full of wonderful possibilities." "[Squeals, Laughing]" "Merry Christmas to me." "[Laughing]" "* Deck the halls with boughs of holly *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* 'Tis the season to be jolly *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* Don we now our gay apparel *" "* Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la *" "* Troll the ancient yuletide carol *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* See the blazing yule before us *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* Strike the harp and join the chorus *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* Follow me in merry measure *" "* Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la *" "* While I tell of yuletide treasures *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* Fast away the old year passes *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* Hail the new, ye lads and lasses *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *" "* Sing we joyous all together *" "* Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la *" "* Heedless of the wind and weather *" "* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la *"