"Good evening Sidney" "Good evening Miss Courtney, just giving your door a bit of a touch up" "Had a nice holiday?" "I spent seven days in sunny Spain" " Pardon?" " Sunny Spain" " That sounds nice" " It rained" "Oh, I am sorry!" "Still I expect you enjoyed all those exotic Spanish dishes" " I got food poisoning" " Oh sorry" "Did it rain every day?" "Oh no!" "When I got food poisoning the sun came out" "When I got better, it went back in" "Apart from the day before we left." "That was absolutely glorious" " Well at least you had one good day" " I got sunburnt" "What a pity!" " Hello Sid" " Mr. Brown, welcome back" " Ta, is she in?" " I've creamed out your bin" " No, is she in?" " Yeah, but she's in a shocking temper" " I'll see her later then" " Glad to be back?" "Yeah, I shall miss my old class" "But I shall enjoy the challenge of starting again with fresh minds" "I wonder how many different nationalities I'll have to deal with this term?" "Good evening" "Pleased to meet you" "Thank you" "Do you speak English?" " Hungry?" " Igen" "You want something to eat?" " Hungry" " Hungary" "I'll put you in my register" "What is your name?" "Your name" " Zoltan Szabo" " Zoltan Szabo" "This is yes" "This is no" "Yes..." "No" "Good" "I am Mr. Brown, your teacher" "I hope that was complimentary" "Never mind" "Do you know any English?" "Yes" " Gud sev de kwin" " God Save the Queen" "More?" "Some more English?" " Pliz, thank you" " Good" " Shtones" " Shtones?" " Rolling Stones?" " Yes" "Good evening Mr. Brown" "I am most happy to be seeing you again" "Anna, Ranjeet!" "What are you doing here?" "We failed our exam but we are coming back for more lessons" "That is correct!" "Like Roberty Bruce say" "If at first you are not succeeding, try, try" "Again!" "If at first you are not succeeding..." "Never mind" "Were you not expecting us?" "No, the authorities don't notify the individual teachers of the results" "And as usual Miss Courtney has kept me in the dark" "She took the lights out?" "No, she never told me!" "This is Zoltan, Ranjeet" "Delighted to be making your acquaintance" "What a nice man!" "He is giving me a present" "He wants you to read out something from his phrase book" "A thousand apologies" "Waiter my soup is cold" "Pleased to meet you" "Thank you" "Good and this is Anna" "How do you do?" "Yes, Thank you" "Would you both like to sit down" "This time I sit at front, then I can be learning quicker" "I will be sitting in my accustomed place" "Well, I was hoping that I had a hundred percent pass record" "But still, two failures out of ten isn't bad" "Good evening master" "Four failures out of ten" "Jamila, you failed" "Sorry Master" "But maybe next time I shall be winning" "I'm sure you mean winning" " And you, Taro" " Ah so" "Loss of face" "Not goodo for Japanese" "First, considered Hara-kiri" "Then decide to como backo for more lessons" "But if no pass next time" "Just make sure you don't do it on the classroom floor" "Well, as you can see you re not alone" "This is Zoltan" "Jamila, and Taro" " Pleased to meet you" " Good evening" "Jamila, you want your place back?" "No, I sit at backside with Taro" "No Jamila!" "You will sit at the back" "Backside is what you sit on" "No master, what I sit on is chair" "Yes, I can see why you failed" "Buenas noches everybody" "Juan!" "Don't tell me you failed" "It's all right!" "I not tell you" " You don't need to tell me!" "I know" " You plenty smart" "That's more than I can say for you" " Por favor?" " Never mind" "This is Zoltan!" "This is Juan" "How you do?" "Is for me?" "He's really saying he's pleased to meet you" "He doesn't speak English" "It's all right!" "I teach him" "That would be like the blind leading the blind" "Blind" "He not see!" " You feel" " Juan he's not blind" "I was just using a..." "never mind!" "Sit down" "Ok!" "I sit here" " Good afton" " Good evening" " I here come to English learn" " I come here to learn English" "We together sit" "No, we can't do that" "What is matter?" "There is wrong something with me?" "There is wrong nothing with you" " I very much like you" " I am your teacher" "Teacher?" "You are too young to be teacher" "Thank you" " Is that your name?" " Yes" " Ingrid Svenson" " Ingrid Svenson" " I take it you are Svedish..." "Swedish?" " Ja" " Where from?" " Stockholm" " Stockholm!" "And what is your job?" " Au pair" "Very nice" "Where shall we sit you?" "There's a place here with me" "There is also a place here beside me" "Here please" "I think we'll sit you at the front for the time being" "You're sitting next to Juan, behind you is Ranjeet" "At the back are Taro and Jamila" "She is Anna and he is Zoltan" "And I am Ali" " Ali, not you as well" " As well as what please?" " You failed?" " Yes" "I am getting twenty out of one hundred" "That's nothing to be proud about" "You're supposed to get at least fifty to pass!" "Twenty is disgraceful" "Last year I am getting nothing at all" "So I am doing better!" "I sit" " Scuse please!" "Get up" " What for?" " That is my seat" " I not see your name on seat" "Get your big Spanish bottom out of my chair" "You no talk me like that!" "I punch you" "That's enough!" "Seats are not reservable" "Sit somewhere else, Ali" "Ok, I sit at the back" "You big spanish bottom" "We'll wait a few more moments in case there are any more new students" "It's just like old times" "It's a big surprise, eh professori?" "I am not disappointed to be back" " Who is that?" " This is Ingrid!" "She is Swedish" "She is also sitting in my seat" " You will move yes?" " I will move no" " You can sit next to me" " No, you sit next to me" "That's right!" "You sit beside Max and Giovanni because I want to sit here" "I'm sorry Danielle!" "But I think it's important the new students sit at the front" " I don't like you" " I'm so worried" "You can come and sit next to me" " Sit between us" " Ok" "Well I must say that I'm extremely disappointed in you all" "It's not your fault professori!" "We not pass because we're stupid" " And what does that make me?" " More stupid" "Exactly!" "Out of ten students I've nine failures" "Vely solly I'm rate" "Congratulations!" "You are getting ten out of ten" "Well I really don't know what to say" "Oh blimey, if you are not knowing what to say" "How are you going to be teaching us?" " I'll ignore that stupid remark" " Jolly good" "Because you have all failed, I have failed" "It's perfectly true" "This term, I want much more effort from all of you" "You must all pull your socks up" "It's all right" "No Juan, I was speaking figuratively" " Por favor" " Never mind" "You must all concentrate much harder this term" "We shall start at the beginning again" "And this time I shall be giving twice as much homework as last time" "I want a hundred per cent effort from all of you" "Now tonight I want you each to tell me what you did during the holidays" " Please?" " Yes Zoltan" "I do not understand what you are saying" "Never mind!" "Just keep quiet and listen" "Never mind" "I speak" "No speak" " Thank you Juan" " It's all right" "Now, what have you been doing with yourself, Jamila?" "I went on holidays to visit all my family" " You went to Bombay?" " No Birmingham" "Birmingham, the Mecca of the Midlands" " And you Taro?" " Ah so" "What did you get up to?" "Went on fishing holiday" " Good, did you catch anything?" " Catcho heavy coldo" "Did you enjoy your break, Ali?" "I am not breaking anything" " The holiday" " Jolly good" "I am learning how to be driving a motor car" "Good, that's very useful!" "When do you take your test?" "Oh blimey" "I'm already failing my test" "The examiner man was jumping out of the car" "When I was going down a hill" " I expect you were going too fast" " No, I was going backwards" " What did you do Su Lee?" " Spent time lighting" " Lighting what?" " Lighting book" "Ah book" "What sort of book are you lighting, writing?" "Is called The Democratic way of Life" "All about glorious freedom-loving Chinese" "I see, a work of fiction" "Tell us what you did with yourself Ranjeet" "I have been looking after my cousin while her husband has been away" "Very commendable" "He is being discharged this week" "Discharged?" "He's been in hospital?" "No, prison" "And he is being sent to prison for something he didn't do" " What really didn't he do?" " He didn't run fast enough" "Quiet!" "Tell us what you did Giovanni" "I went to Marsgate" " Margate" " Scusi" "I met this fantastic girl" "She had the biggest..." "I'm sure we all get your meaning" "Every day we used to go on the sand for a bit" " For a while" " Scusi?" "To go on the sands for a while" "To go on the sands for a bit can imply you were, well doing something naughty" "That's right, we were very naughty on the sand" "Silence!" "Mr. Brown, miss Courtney wants you right away" "Thank you Sid" "You can have an early tea break and we'll continue with this later" " Please" " Yes Zoltan" "No, you must try to speak!" "Speak" "You" " Girl" " Yes please" " No you re not a girl" " You" "Ah, you have a girl friend" " I understand, go on" " Girl English" "An English girl" " You" " Me" "You want me to write a letter to your girl?" "Please" "What do you want me to write?" "What I write?" "I think I get the general idea" "Sidney!" "Yes Miss Courtney" "Did you tell Mr. Brown I wanted to see him?" "Yeah definitely" "I think this should be all right" "Dear Miss, I'm writing to tell you of my feelings for you" "I think you are beautiful" "I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you" "Please say you feel the same about me" "All my love" "Yes!" "Thank you" " What is going on here?" " Nothing" "It certainly didn't sound like nothing" "I was writing a letter for Zoltan to his girl friend" "He was showing me his appreciation in Hungarian" "Kindly leave us" "Go, I said go!" "Go" "Now Mr. Brown" "I understand none of your previous students" "Passed their lower Cambridge Certificate" "I think there were a few near misses" "That's not good enough" "Obviously Mr. Brown, you are sadly lacking" "In the necessary qualities required to teach English" " Just a moment" " Don't interrupt" "I shall be keeping a very close eye on you this term, Mr. Brown" "Unless I see a marked improvement, out you go" " It's not..." " I have no wish to listen to feeble excuses" "Pompous old cow" " What was that?" " I said I'm just going now" "Hey, you not speak nothing?" "He is not knowing the English as well as what we are knowing" " I speak with him" " Blimey, he speak Hungryarian" "Sure I speak Hunarian" " Football" " Football" " Puskas" " Pele" " Kempes" " Beckenbauer" " Bobby Lee Shutkan" " Bobby Lee Moor" "You see, I told you I speak the language" "You like England?" "Ya!" "I also very much like teacher" " You not make the eyes at Mr. Brown" " If I want I will" "Mr. Brown does not like the blond ladies" "Swedish girls are the beautifullest" "Swedish girls are too big in the bosoms" "French girls are too big in the mouth" "In China, looks are not important" "It is brains and intellect that matter" " Absolument" " Su Lee is right" "We women are not symbols for sex" " You agree Jamila?" " I not understand" "We Women are not here to give the men the pleasure" "I like give men pleasure" "Trying to find a few winners?" "No I'm trying to find out if I can afford to leave the wife" " Pardon?" " Premium bonds" "A hundred thousand pounds!" "I could be lucky" "Somebody's got to win it" " How many bonds have you got?" " One" "You're as bad as me!" "I've only got one" "One, double F, two, three, two, three, two" "You've got a good memory" "It's not a difficult one" "One, double F, two, three, two, three, two" "That's right" " That's it" " That's what?" "One, double F, two, three, two, three, two" "I don't believe it" "Are you sure that you got the right cucumber?" " Cucumber?" " The number" "Positive!" "Look" "One, double F, two, three, two, three, two" "That's right!" "You've won a hundred thousand pounds" " What are you going to do?" " What am I going to do" "Celebrate of course" " Gladys" " Yes Mr. Brown" "Coffees all round" "Everybody please!" "I want to read you all my letter of resignation" "No, no!" "I'm definitely resigning" "With one hundred thousand pounds, I no longer need to teach English" "Dear Dracula" "This is to inform you" "That I think you are a rude, obnoxious and self-opinionated old dragon" "And if I ever see you again, it will be too soon" "Yours disrespectfully, Jeremy Brown" " Ali" " Yes please" "See that Miss Courtney gets this straight away" "Jelly good" "Thank you" " Please" " Oh yes Zoltan, your letter" "Glad, where's Sid's paper?" " He went and took it with him" " Took it with him?" " I got a paper Mr. Brown" " Great Max, thank you" "Here it is, one hundred thousand pounds" "Today's number is One E, F, two, three" "Wait a minute!" "That's not right!" "It should be one double F" "We apologize for the misprint printed out early in the day" "I have not won anything" " So you won't be resignating after all" " Resigning" "That letter..." "Hello please" "Ali, the letter to Miss Courtney" " She is not in the office" " Thank God" "Mr. Brown, Mr. Nadim!" "Did you want to see me?" " No" " Yes please!" "This is for you" "Thank you" "I'd like a word with you Mr. Brown" "I'll have you in the office" "Close the door" "I'll just see what this letter is first" "I wouldn't do that!" "You don't know where it's been!" "It could be full of germs" "Don't be so ridiculous" "I seem to recognize this writing" "It looks like yours, Mr. Brown" "No, it's nothing like mine!" "Itjust looks like mine" " Well I'd better open it" " I think I'll go" "I haven't finished with you yet" "You will have when you read that letter" " I beg you pardon?" " Nothing" "Good Heavens" "Miss Courtney" "I've never read anything like it in my life" " I can explain..." " Just listen to this" "I'd rather not" "Dear Miss, I'm writing to tell you of my feelings for you" "You see I thought I'd won..." "Pardon?" "I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you" "You did write this letter, Mr. Brown" "Well I..." "Not to you" "It's the letter you wrote for that Hungarian student" " Yes, you see what must have happened" " You don't need to go on" "Obviously he's been smitten by my charm and beauty" " Pardon?" " I have told you before Mr. Brown" "I do have a strange fascination for the opposite sex" "Oh yes very strange" "You may not believe this, Mr. Brown" "But when I was a young girl I was very plain" "A cup of tea Gladys, please" "Everything ok, Mr. Brown?" "Yes!" "I must have put Zoltan's letter to his girl friend in my envelop to Miss Courtney" " He's not going to be very happy" " Why not?" "He's gonna give the letter you write to Miss Courtney to his girlfriend!"