"Previously on Happyland..." "You always told me that my dad was some deadbeat loser, but he's the president of Happyland." "Hi, I'm Lucy." "Your parents work at the park?" "Yeah, they both do." "So, I've been getting some definite vibes from that redhead over there..." "You know her story?" "That's my girlfriend..." "Short story." "At least you can distract yourself with crazy, hot" "Ian Chandler." " No, you're my brother." " What?" "Hey." "Okay, one more time?" "Apparently, 17 years ago, your dad... our dad..." "Let's just say a Happyland exec named James Chandler had a dalliance with the Park Princess named Elena Velez, my mom." "Okay, okay." "So, not only did my dad have an affair, he had a secret love child who I made out with?" "I know..." "This is a lot to take in." "No, no, it's a big accusation to make about a guy you've never met sober." " Well, my mom said..." " Well, then it must be true." "Who could be more credible than the "Princess of Happy Hour"?" "She wouldn't just make this up." "Yeah, I don't know that." "I don't know her or you, apparently." " Not very well, but..." " Okay, you know why I didn't tell anyone who I was when I got here?" "Because having the name "Chandler"" "gives you a big target on your back." "I just didn't think you were the type to go for a cash grab." "I mean, your mom, maybe, but..." "Dude, this isn't about your money." "We get by, we don't need it." "Well, in that case, fantastic." "Oh, come on, just a little more time?" "How about some park passes for you and your son?" "Oh, really?" "Well, then, she's a sturdy little lady, isn't she?" "Hello?" "Who was that?" "Not important." "I know that look." "Fine..." "I didn't want to tell you because I know how you get, and I didn't want you to worry." "That was our landlord." "We're about to be evicted." "Well, I thought we had things under control." "You shouldn't have to worry about this." "Okay, here's the deal..." "If we don't turn on the lights or hot water and we both start collecting character payments" " by Friday, we'll be fine." " Good." "You'll start working, and I'll take a few cold showers." "Maybe I'll start working." "They're making me do character training." "I don't get paid until I pass." "I loved character training." "Focus, mom... being stuck in there with Ian isn't helping." "You didn't say anything to him, right?" "I..." "I just told him that it wasn't happening." "Good." "So, how'd he take it?" "Hey, I know what I told you was a shock, and you must feel crazy-weird about this whole thing..." "Hi, I'm Ian." "Oh, yeah, I know who you are." "Well, I'm not surprised." "I have a huge following in the mermaid community." "Welcome to character training." "I'm Jack." "Played every face and fur in my height range." "Now, if you pass this class, the in-park evaluation, and the final exam, you will become a Happyland icon." "But it will not be easy." "Even if the President of Happyland is your father." "It takes a crap ton of work to make this magic happen." "Grab your character notebooks." "Hi, I'm Lucy Velez." "I'm an Adriana." "Elena's kid, the runaway princess." "Oh, you're familiar with my work." "So, I kinda need to pass this class asap." "Any way I could crash-course it, start working immediately?" "Yeah, sure." "Assuming you've already memorized your character's signature, storybook history, weight protocol, costume standards, integrated character dialogues and poses." "Didn't think so." "Now, time to learn the happy strut." "Let's get happy, people." "Happy." "I could help you study tonight." "You are talking to a seasoned character vet here." "I have fur burns in more places than I'm willing to mention." "Thanks..." "I never had to work so hard for something I don't want." "What's that guy's problem, anyway?" "So, I sucked at Ian's party." "But, um, I'm gonna make it up to you." "Yeah, what'd you have in mind?" "That threesome you've always wanted." " Really?" " Seriously?" "Oh, sweetie, no." "But, uh, telling you the surprise now would ruin it for tonight." " Tonight?" " Mm-hmm." "Crap, I just told Lucy I'd help her with character training." "No, I'm fine." " You guys go." " You sure?" "Pretty certain I can find a study partner." "You see Tori there?" "In costume, she puts eye shadow between her cleavage to highlight the bodice pop." "But she never sets it with hairspray, so when she sweats, it looks like her boobs are crying." "No offense, mom, buy crying boobs aren't in the curriculum." "And this whole job sends the women's movement back 30 years." "Actually, that's-that's pretty narrow-minded there, Lucy." "You know, some princesses are actually positive role models for young girls." " You shouldn't hate." " Thank you, dirty Dave." "Yeah... you gonna finish that burger?" "Yes." "Cool, cool." "Do your thang." "Fine, don't take my tips." "The important thing is that you'll pass, then we'll each be making a character payment." "From then on, rent gets paid." "But what about when I leave?" "I'm not always gonna be here, mom." "I wanna make sure that you're thinking about the future." "The future'll take care of itself." "You just get through training." "Hey, you're gonna pass." "You're my daughter." "That doesn't guarantee anything." "Well, I'm gonna pay a little visit to your teacher and remind him how wonderful you are." "Call it an insurance policy." "How well to you know Jack?" "Well enough." "I'm going to the bathroom." "Oh, the haunted castle." "Are we recreating our first date?" "If I recall, that worked out for you." "Hell, yeah, we joined the sex-in-the-park club." "All the fun of the mile-high club without hitting the soap dispenser." "Man, I was so lucky you were easy." "Come here, you." "This is actually kinda freaky." "That's what you said the first time if I recall." "I'm pretty sure it worked out for you." "Oh!" "What was that?" "Nothing." "That's nice." "Oh, yeah that is nice." "Did you hear that?" "Yeah." "Hey, are y'all here for the meet-up?" "No." "What?" "No, I can't take no for an answer." "Come on." "Uh, that's okay." "Enjoy your..." "That." " Let's get out of here." " Yeah." "When you said "surprise" this isn't what you meant, right?" "No." "Okay, well, you wanna..." "you wanna try somewhere else?" "Under the exit of the slippery slide?" "Clothes get soaked, and I'm pretty sure that water's mostly pee." "Maybe we should just get something to eat." "Okay... yeah, let's go to the bricker." "I think Lucy's there..." "Studying." "Or I could just punch myself in the face and call it a night." "I'm Cleodora, the Mermaid, and I come from a land beneath the ocean." "I get that you're freaked out about our Greek tragedy situation, but hooking up with Samara is a bad distraction." "I hear that mermaid's got a serious case of the barnacles." "It's hard to be freaked out by imaginary events." "Um, Cleodora, could take a picture with my iPhone?" "Okay, give it to me." "And wrong answer." "No, if your character doesn't know what an iPhone is, then you don't know what an iPhone is." "And since when does Cleodora chew gum?" "Fine, I'm done helping you out." "Oh, failed extortion with a side of bone-blocking, huge help." "I need to pay attention to this." "I need a pass, so I can get paid." "Awfully fixated on money, aren't you?" "If I wanted your money," "I wouldn't care about character training." "Oh, don't care about character training?" "Sure about that, Velez." "No, I didn't mean..." "Velez, Chandler, get up here." "Improv while doing the royal waltz." "Stay in character." "Why, Princess Adriana, you're behaving so strangely..." "Spreading slanderous lies about the king?" "What could your motives be?" "Well, my prince, it's hardly my fault if the king keeps getting his scepter polished by all the local wenches." "What the hell are you two talking about?" "If the king knew what you were saying, he would banish you." "And if the Prince would pull his head out of steed's ass, he might see the truth about the king." "I asked you to watch over Ian." "I'm sorry..." "I'm not sure what to do." "He bailed out." "I see he's not the model student, but he's your partner." "So, if he doesn't pass, you don't pass." "So... scene three, semi-nude, hairy *** worker somehow killed the vibe, and we were just starting to have fun, not just trying to have fun." "Uh-huh." "You're Will's best friend..." "Has he said anything to you about us lately?" "What?" "I love this meaningful dialogue I'm having with myself." "I'm sorry..." "It's just..." "If Ian and I don't pass this in-park eval together, my mom and I are about five minutes away from listing our permanent address as 1998 Toyota Tercel." "You'll be fine..." "I'll be in the park cheering you on, making you self-conscious." " Thanks, Harp." " Totally." "You're gonna look hilarious." "Crap." "Can you hand me my mom's gloves." "She's not on until later." "Yeah." "This thing is not made for rib cages." "Uh, Lucy, here costume isn't here." "What are you talking about?" "She's off the schedule." "You can't take away my mom's job... not now." "Adriana's her life." "We're making some changes, freshening up the roster." "Then why should I help you?" " Excuse me?" " Keep my mother as an Adriana, otherwise your brother's gonna have a tough time getting through character kindergarten." "Are you sure you wanna be making threats?" "Okay, Miss Velez..." "But if Ian doesn't make it through training, your mom stays out of the character department." "Get some mirth in that laugh, or you're out on your ass." "Got it?" "Knock, knock." "Elena, it's been awhile..." "What brings you by?" "Can't a lady stop by to see a friend?" "Oh, that's what we are this round?" "It's about your kid, isn't it?" "Does she possess all her mother's charms?" "Being partner with that Ian kid isn't helping her out any." "Jack, I know how seriously you take character training, and I am right there with you, but we really need her to get paid as soon as possible." "If she misses a curtsy or two, could you just look the other way?" "They challenger her by the book." "I couldn't even give their son preferential treatment." "Come on." "You weren't always so corporate." "Where's the Prince Valor that used to streak by the park at midnight?" "I haven't been in Valor for 15 years, and this pays for my condo." "Frankly, I'm amazed that you can still pull off Adriana." "Can't you just help me out... for old time sake?" "Things are changing." "Sorry." "Ian, where are you going?" "Last I heard you had an in-park eval right about now." "Hey, remember when dad said, "you should work at the park this summer"?" "And I said, "sure, why not?"" "This is when I come up with a better answer." "Ian, what's going on?" "Do you think dad's ever cheated on mom?" "Why do you ask?" "I have heard a stupid rumor." "Yes... he has." "Wow." "That frankness was unexpected." " I'm used to you covering for him." " That's my job." "I'm being straight with you because you can handle knowing that dad has not always been a Saint." "What does that mean?" "Look, I don't know the details... and, frankly," "I don't wanna know." "All that matters is that dad and mom are happy now." "Let's keep it together and do your job." "Right now I'm gonna do mine." "Okay." "Where is he?" "Hey, can we talk?" "Do you have like any sense of time at all?" "We go on in like six seconds." "You gotta real problem, my friend." "I really don't have the bandwidth for you right now." "Can we please postpone today's edition of "look how big my Ricky is"?" "You're messing with Lucy's livelihood here." "Both of you stop." "Ian, we have to nail this." "Come on." "Hi." "Seriously, why are you so concerned with Lucy?" "Last I heard Harper was your girlfriend?" "Ian, cut it out." "Hello, everyone." "What a magical day here in Happyland." "Hey, man, just lay off Harper." "Deflecting... got it." "How about you just go the hell back to wherever it is you came from." "Why so riled up, Raccoon?" "I, uh, hit a nerve because you haven't hit it with Lucy yet?" "Get off me!" "What the hell?" "Ugh." "How do you like that, huh?" "Prince Valor and Ricky Raccoon, is now really a good time to wrestle." "Ricky Raccoon!" "Ricky Raccoon, don't you have some high-fives to give?" "Toddler tickles?" "And Prince Valor, don't you have some evil to vanquish?" "You're going to get fired for this, will." "What were you thinking?" "He just said some things about Lucy and I that were totally off-base." "I thought I was the only one who noticed the way you look at her." "Come on... she's my best friend." "You know what sucks, Will?" "I kept blaming myself for or problems..." "My screw-up at the party, and my move to dazzle." "I'm the narcissistic social climber." "But maybe our problem is the fact that you're willing to throw away your job over another girl." "Hey, you should see the other raccoon." "Here's a fun factoid... my mom and I will be evicted." "So, if we were gonna extort you, now would be the time, wouldn't it?" "I-I shouldn't have accused you of that." "Can you tell me what happened?" "Why should I?" "Please." "I think she might've loved him, but he was married with a kid already, and the whole thing was as big of a fantasy as this park." "When he found out about... well, me..." "He gave her money to get it taken care of and then went back to New York." "I guess he just wanted to focus on his real family." "We haven't, like, discussed it at length." "He doesn't even know I exist." "He saw you at my party." "I was just some girl, remember?" "The king doesn't know." "Change later." "We have to go." "We're here to take the final exam." "After that disaster, are you kidding?" "Look, I never threw a punch, and she stopped the fight in character..." "Neither of us broke any rules." "Get to it." "Keep batting." "Always loving Valor, Adriana loathed her tower." "Always loving Valor, Adriana loathed her tower." "Always loving Valor, Adriana loathed her tower." "Ha!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "Dreams really do come true." "And happily ever after?" "I think happily ever after starts right... about... now?" "Oh, it gets me every time." "You pass." "Okay." "Why didn't you just tell me you knew what you were doing before?" "I didn't." "I guess I just couldn't let my "sister" get evicted." "So, are we supposed to hang out now?" "Sibling bonding?" "Well, it's been a long day, you know?" "Right." "Maybe, um, some other time." "Sure, maybe." "Oh, my God, I can't believe Will went after you like that." "Hey, first rule of fury fight club..." "Yeah, but look at your face." "Are... are you okay?" "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine..." "About that, anyway." "For everything else the jury's out." "Yeah." "Today is redefined bad." "You know, I have this great cure for bad days." "Mom?" "What's this?" "I'm playing Hagula now." "No." "This is a mistake, okay?" "Playing Adriana is your thing, mom." "I won't replace you." "I'll talk to Theodore again, and we can..." "No, I already talked to him." "What?" "I asked to play this part." "You said it yourself." "I can't play a teenage princess forever." " It's not a long-term solution..." "Hagula is." " But..." "Earning two character payments, any two character payments, means we're going to make rent." "Right now that's my thing." "Did you pass?" "I knew you would." "I learned from the best." "You change." "I'll see you at home." "I can wait." "No, it's late." "I still gotta meet the work guy." "That'll take a while." "Hey, Harper, it's Lucy." "Have you talked to Will since he got fired?" "He's not picking up, and I wanna make sure he's not on a ledge somewhere." "Call when you get this." "Ian." "Never mind." "I think I found you." "Next time on Happyland" "Valor and Adriana'd suppose to be madly in love, not madly in awkward." "And you're just gonna have to up the romance quotient." "Hey, Dancing Queen." "I'm sort of in the middle of something." "You're on a date?" "What the hell?" "It's summer, and I'm 17, not 30." "I'm having fun." "I can't keep throwing these park-wide events just to talk to you."