"Major Crimes 02x09 There's No Place Like Home Original Air Date August 5, 2013" "Why is Jerry never here anymore?" "Jerry Zein retired." "Retired?" "But he's been scoring my targets since I became a lieutenant." "Sounds like he had a good, long career." "Fine, just..." "just tell me how I did." " It's DNQ." " Did not qualify?" "!" "No, no, no, no!" "Just hold on one second." "I've been shooting here every week for almost the last three months." "If I don't qualify by next Friday," "I'll be at a desk job for the rest of my career." "And?" "And look at that one there..." "right there." "I mean, that bullet hole is on the line." "It's on the line." "If you end up in a dangerous situation where you're required to be proficient with your firearm, other people could die." "You still have four days to get this right." "Come back tomorrow." "So, I see you made it in a little early." "Or way too late, depending on how you look at it." "I'd say your timing is perfect." "Who is this, anyway?" "Ed Dagby, age 36, possible suicide." "Ooh, worked I.C.E...." "Immigrations and Custom Enforcement." "This guy was an I.C.E. agent?" "Punched the clock for the Federal Government." "Looks like the clock punched back." "Two weeks before he showed up at the morgue," "Mr. Dagby took a fall down a flight of concrete stairs, broke his nose and his collarbone, and suffered a compound fracture of his left tibia." "But he was recovering until five days ago, when someone from his apartment complex called the fire department saying they smelled gas." "Mr. Dagby was discovered in his kitchen, in front of an open oven, dead." "Okay, so, the guy gassed himself." "How is that our problem?" "Because, lieutenant, when humans inhale methane instead of oxygen, they suffocate, and the lab should have found gas in the victim's blood and liver, but when Dagby's results came back yesterday, the ratio of oxygen to methane" "was muy, muy insufficient for suicide." "I think we're looking at anaphylactic shock related to an allergic reaction." "Still not our problem." "First the accident, then a bee sting, a peanut." "Maybe it was just the guy's time to go." "Except why open the oven door, turn up the gas, and sit in your own kitchen if you're already choking to death?" "Sounds extreme, but maybe he was under a lot of pressure at work." "Well, you're right about that." "I.C.E.'s Inspector General's office was investigating him, but I don't know what for." "The agent that came to sign off on my prelim wasn't particularly chatty about it." "And do you know if Mr. Dagby had any serious allergies?" "His hospital chart was negative for pharmacological sensitivities." "I mean, he had a brownie, but chocolate-related fatalities are very rare." "There were no nuts or shellfish in his chyme, and I couldn't find a bee sting anywhere." "What's the point of brownies without nuts?" "You said the investigator from I.C.E.'s Inspector General's office came to visit you." "Oh, yeah." "I saved the card he gave me." "Agent Mark Evans." "Lieutenant Flynn, would you find Mr. Evans?" "I want to hear about this investigation into Mr. Dagby." "Lieutenant Provenza, would you and the rest of the division please go and check out Mr. Dagby's apartment complex?" "Captain I want to talk to you about something." "Yes, lieutenant?" "Uh, it... it can wait." "Sanchez, we'll need a warrant." "Mike, if we're gonna do a search, we'll need Buzz." "Where are we going, Sykes?" "I can't tell you why, but a few months ago," "Ed Dagby sold his house in Carthay Circle and moved into this apartment complex." "Welcome to Lost Horizon, also known as the land that time forgot." "Hope we get in and out before the place falls down." "If I close my eyes, I can hear the bulldozers." "Hey, just because something's old doesn't mean it's not serving a good purpose." "Well, excuse me, you there, little Mexican fellow." "A-are you here for the handyman ad?" "H-h-hablas Ingles?" "Yes, ma'am, I hablas Ingles." "Vera." "Vera, you left your glasses by the ficus again." "Now, come with me, because lunch is..." "Oh." "What's all this?" "Who are these people?" "Good morning, ma'am." "L.A.P.D." "Oh." "Oh, Pauline." "They are not here about the handyman ad." "No, I know they're not." "I can see that." "The badges and guns." "You know, you're going to have to forgive Vera." "Her eyesight is not what it was." "You should have been here the week before last, when her glasses broke." "My glasses didn't break." "Larry sat on them." "And this new pair just arrived, and I can see well enough to know that they're here about poor Ed." "But Ed's dead." "Yes, ma'am, we..." "We're aware of that." "Oh, dear." "Give me that doorknob, darling." "You know, there's a trick to keeping this on." "You know, you're gonna probably want to talk to Howard." "He knows everything about Ed's death." "Well, I wouldn't say I know everything about it, but, uh, I am the one who called 911 and, uh, talked to the operator and let the fire department in." "Doesn't make me a hero." "Of course, if you've come to give me a medal, um..." "Hey, we don't have enough burgers for all these people." "Oh, we're not staying for lunch, sir." "Plus we're out of beer." "I know." "Martinis at lunch?" "So '80s." "I'm with you there." "We'd like to take a look around, if we can..." "Check out Mr. Dagby's apartment." "Why check out a dead guy when I'm available?" "Larry, meet the L.A.P.D." "They think Ed was murdered." "Ma'am, we never said that." "A bunch of detectives come to investigate a suicide?" "Oh, no, you can't kid us." "We all worked on the same crime series in the 1970s." ""Prognosis:" "Homicide."" "It ran from '72 to '79." "Oh, I remember that show." "It was about a pathologist who was always coming across murder cases that the police missed and..." "And helping them investigate." "Yes." "I was the costume designer on that series." "And Larry was one of our teamsters," "Vera... hair." "Pauline... she was a stand-in for our lead actress." "Not a stand-in, Clayton." "I was the stand-in." "And I was in front of the camera, too, occasionally, as up-and-coming female television reporter" "Blanche Everest." "It happened a couple of times." "Five times, Vera." "Look it up." "I'm in the business, too." "Just a little." "I'm technical adviser on a new show called "The Badge of Justice."" "Tech advisor?" "That's what Howard here used to be for us on "Prognosis:" "Homicide."" "He was our legal guy." "Practiced law for 30 years." "Knows his stuff." "Well, so long as it has nothing to do with divorce." "Well, I'm guessing you want to get into Ed's apartment." "Yes." "Yes, we do." "Um, is the manager of Lost Horizon around?" "We call it Shangri-La." ""La Shangri-La" if we're feeling festive." "They said they want to speak to the manager." "Well, that was Ed." "Yeah." "If you'd like to talk to the owner, that would be Ed, too." "Yeah, he inherited the Shangri-La last year from his Uncle Norman." "Our locations manager." "Norm bought this place so that we could spend our retirement together." "Poor fellow." "Our best-laid plans, as the poet says, are often..." "And cut." "Thank you, Pauline." "Well, uh, the fire department left me Ed's keys, so I guess..." "Why don't you just follow me?" "Um, you know?" "I'm not feeling a lot of grief for Ed here." "That, my dear, is an understatement." "In fact, his funeral made me want to party..." "Like it was 1975." "Boy, Ed really jazzed up this place." "Wow." "No doors to the exterior from the rear." "All windows locked." "We should still get S.I.D. down here to print this place." "Do you think that someone killed Ed?" "We're just trying to cover our bases, sir." "Well, I won't touch anything." "Whoa." "Well, I touched that, but that's..." "Let me get this." "I won't touch anything else." "Oh, I touched that." "Well, there you go." "Hands up." "Sir, do you know if Mr. Dagby had any enemies?" "Uh, you mean other than us?" "'Cause, uh, we all hated him." "Oh, I wouldn't say anyone wanted him dead, but all these new rules and half-draining the pool." "Where Vera and I did our water aerobics." "Anything else odd?" "Well, after Norm died and Ed moved into his apartment, we would have these "power failures,"" "and they only happened..." "Ever only happened during "Dancing With The Stars."" "The son of a bitch." "But other than power failures..." "Well, there was that strange guy that hung out with Ed." "Oh." "The man with the red mustache." " Scarface." " Yeah." "We called him that because he had a long scar from his temple to his chin." "Bald, about 5'7"." "I guess they were friends of a sort." "Scarface would come to visit." "But they argued." " Lieutenant." " Don't ask me about what." "You know, at my age," "I get the decibels better than I do the details." "Hey, if you find the keys to the storage unit in here, uh, could we have them?" "Ed locked up all the good patio furniture." "Lieutenant, there's probably $80,000 in this bag." "What?" "Are you kidding me?" "When was the last time you saw this guy?" "Scarface?" "Well, now that you mention it," "Scarface was here the night that Ed killed himself." "But he left early in the evening." "I saw him smoking one of those little cigars of his out on that balcony." "And then, he came down these stairs and he went out through the back, even though his car is parked out front." "Are there any security cameras back there?" "Be careful." "It's an antique." "If you look through this lens, you can probably see Barnaby Jones." "Brake lines on the car were cut." "If Dagby hadn't died in his apartment, he would have bought it on the freeway." "Looks like Mr. Dagby was living right on the edge." "And someone pushed him off it." "Uh, go ahead, Kris." "I'll meet you in the break room." "Okay." "Hi, Sharon." "Hi, Kris." "Nice to see you." "So, um, I was going to tell her that I needed a little space, but then she asked if we could study again together for our finals, so I said yes because... look, Sharon, I need to find a way to wind this down" "so I don't end up hurting her feelings." "That may not be an option." "But it has to be, though." "Hey, you said, "no pressure."" "I also said, "be kind."" "Are you?" "I'll tell her today, just in my own way." "So, did you find any questionable circumstances around Mr. Dagby's death?" "A few." "Someone recently cleaned up a lot of motor oil on the top step leading to Ed's apartment." "Which explains his fall." "Brake lines to his car had been cut, ma'am." "We view that as the failsafe." "Then add the gas turned on at full blast in his apartment and an allergic reaction to we-know-not-what, and the big question isn't "was Dagby murdered?" But..." "Which one of the residents at the apartment complex did him in?" "Maybe two of them together?" "I have a theory regarding this murder." "Hear me out." "It's a bit fanciful, so just listen." "Our gang of retirees transformed the Lost Horizon apartments," "A.K.A. Shangri-La, into their very own retirement home." "But when the owner, their friend and fellow crew mate," "Norman Dagby, died and the complex was inherited by his evil nephew Ed, our tenants acted in concert to get rid of him." "So arrest them all." "In the off chance that I'm wrong and only one of them did it, that one will eventually confess to save the others, and you're welcome." "Supporting the lieutenant's theory, it doesn't look like anything was stolen from Mr. Dagby after the murder." "In fact, the killer or killers left behind $80,000 in cash hidden in Ed's closet." "Customs agents make $50,000 a year." "Where did Ed get the money?" "Can't say, but he was planning on getting a lot more." "Mr. Dagby's e-mail account." "He'd been corresponding with a land developer." ""Shangri-La is a tear-down, but the neighborhood is up and coming."" "Last offer for the property is $3 million." "So why wasn't Ed selling?" "Norm gave all the tenants life leases." "Now, they could give them up, but they can't be kicked out." "And the offer from the developer expires in October." "That's why Ed made living in the Shangri-La so horrible." "Out of the 12 residents living there before Norm's death, only five are left." "But they're close." "So close, in fact, that they made up this corny story about a mysterious bald man with a red mustache." "They even called him Scarface." "Now, framing a nonexistent suspect may have been believable on that bullshit crime show that they all worked on back in the '70s, but in reality, it is..." "Captain Raydor, this is Agent Mark Evans from I.C.E.'s Inspector General's office." "Captain." "Uh, Agent Evans." "Evans was investigating Ed Dagby when he passed away." "And, um... what was this investigation about?" "Well, before I answer that, I have a question for you." "Why is the L.A.P.D. so interested in a suicide?" "Just trying to fill in a few blanks." "So, what did Ed do wrong at work?" "Well, hey, guys, it's an open file." "I can't get into specifics." "He was a Federal employee." "Should I get the FBI involved?" "Because I will." "Okay." "Okay." "All right, just the headlines." "Until about a month ago," "Dagby worked the customs line for incoming international flights at LAX." "Now, I.C.E.'s Inspector General's office, which is like your internal affairs, received an anonymous tip that Ed was being bribed to allow some contraband items to come into the U.S." "He was suspended with pay, pending an investigation." "Conducted by you." "And how is that investigation going for Mr. Dagby?" "Not well." "And not a lot of people are coming forward to vouch for his character, either." "Ed was a miserable, mean-spirited, cheap, two-faced jerk." "I mean, for example, he screwed a family member out of inheriting that, uh, Lost Horizons place..." "The Shangri-La, whatever it is." "He contested his Uncle's will." "And he swore that someone had greased the top step to the stairs of his apartment to make sure that he fell." "I mean, can you believe this guy?" "Did he show you the step he slipped on?" "Excuse me?" "Did that jerk, Ed, show you the step he slipped on at his apartment complex, sir?" "Oh." "Well, um, I don't know." " Maybe." " So you were there." "No." "Oh, yeah, of course, I guess I was there." "Yes." "In the course of my duties, yes, I stopped by his place once or twice, maybe three times, possibly six." "Can't really be precise." "Obviously." "Considering the anonymous tip, did Ed think anyone was out to get him?" "Oh, yeah." "According to him, everybody wanted him off this planet." "Hell, during my investigation, there was a time, too, I wanted to kill him." "Well, now that you brought it up, I have to ask..." "Where were you the night that Dagby died?" "Oh, that's good!" ""Where were you the night he died?"" "That's funny." "That's good." "We're serious." "Where were you the night" "Ed Dagby supposedly committed suicide?" "Out with friends." "It was a special night..." "Wait... wait a minute." "You really think I had something to do... supposedly committed suicide..." "What does that..." "what's that mean?" "We're thinking that Dagby's death was more of a murder." "Ohh." "All right, okay, look." "Look." "Ed needs to have committed suicide." "Oh, boy." "He was found in his apartment with the gas turned on, right?" "I mean, how is that not a suicide?" "Ed was dead before the oven was turned on." "Oh, no, no." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." "You see, uh..." "I'm gonna be totally honest here." "If you'd known Ed Dagby, you would realize that killing himself was the only decent thing he had done his whole life." "I mean, the coroner said he thought it was a suicide." "Can't we just stick with that?" " Is he kidding?" " No, he's hiding something." "And we probably need to find out what it is." "I think I know." "The money we found in Ed's apartment was real, but the bag we found it in is counterfeit." "On authentic bags, they never split the brand logo over the seam, like here." "This bag is fake." " Come on!" " No." "Come on!" "What can I do to make this stay a suicide?" "Huh?" "Hey." "How'd it go with Kris today?" "I had a good plan, Sharon." "I did." "I just..." "I needed the conversation to go in a specific direction, and it never got there." "Steering someone into an emotionally complicated discussion is never easy, Rusty." "I know you're not looking for a romantic relationship, but you and Kris could still be friends." "She's such a good kid." "And I'm not." "What?" "Look, I may be good, Sharon, but I am not a kid." "I mean, I need to understand algebra." "Fine." "I should learn history." "Okay." "I want to catch up with everyone in my class, but they are never going to catch up with me, because I am not a kid anymore and I haven't been for a very long time, and there's no use in trying to get closer to these people." "It's just..." "it's not gonna work." "Didn't you tell me that you'd made friends with a boy in your chess club?" "Yeah." "It turns out he was looking for something else, too." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "It's not your fault." "I know you don't want to hear this, Rusty, but I could easily find a professional" " that you could talk to." " Oh, my God!" "Every time I try to have an honest conversation with you about this stuff, you bring in the whole psychiatrist thing." "I am not crazy, Sharon." " I know that." " I am a realist, and I know how to cut people off when they get too attached." "I've done it plenty of times." "I-I just have never done it to anyone as nice as Kris before." "Please, can you just trust me to figure this out?" "I mean, who do you think knows Kris better, anyway?" "You or me?" "I've heard of carrying extra baggage around, but Scarface takes the cake." "After Mr. Evans left last night, we secured a warrant for his fiances, and we noticed a recurring monthly charge for a self-storage facility close to the airport." "So we searched Scarface's, A.K.A. Agent Evans', place after he went to work today, and look what we found." "And this isn't even everything." "There are two more piles just like it downstairs." "You're right, lieutenant." "Evans did have something to hide, including a new car." "We're checking to see what he paid for his Lexus LX 570." "Evans only had his salary and about $15,000 in debt." "So, where did he come up with the over $70,000 in cash" "Kelley Blue Book says it would take to buy his new Lexus, ma'am?" "Dealing in counterfeit luggage." "And considering Ed had a bag like this full of cash in his apartment," "I think it's safe to say that our victim and Evans were in business together." "Oh, my God." "Are you having a sale?" "I would kill for a bag like this." "Someone may have beaten you to it." "Why do you have so many of these?" "Some of them are worth $4,000." "And they only cost about $10 a unit to produce illegally overseas, which makes smuggling them into the country more lucrative than drugs." "And I have no doubt that Agent Scarface arranged to have these bags roll right past Ed Dagby at LAX." "Oh, my God, captain." "Speaking for the district attorney's office, these are not to leave P.A.B. under any circumstance." "Excuse me, Andrea?" "Now, don't think I'm trying to tell you what to do, because I'm not, but if the FBI finds out you have this stuff..." "They'll say that our bags are evidence in a Federal crime." "Illegal importation and poof." "All the bags will disappear." "Evans says he was with friends the night of the murder?" "Let me see what I can do about breaking his alibi." "We do have some other evidence." "Five witnesses who can place Evans at Dagby's apartment the night he died." "And what do they have to say?" "It was 8:00 in the evening." "I'd forgotten my knitting at Clayton's." "Every now and then, I sit on a pair of Pauline's needles." "She leaves them at my place all the time." "The needles and her phone." "So, I usually do a little knit 1, purl 2, until she comes back to get them." "Well, I mean, I like knitting, too." "Who doesn't?" "So..." "Where was I?" "That was my question, sir." "Oh." "We're back to the night of the murder." "Exciting calling it that." "So, anyway, Pauline and I were standing at the door, talking." "Not about knitting." "About crocheting." "Howard and I were down by that half-empty hole in the ground that used to be our swimming pool." "We were playing dominoes." "Dominoes." "I guess it always comes down to dominoes." "I could teach you how to play dominoes, but, uh, not now, 'cause I-I didn't bring my dominoes with me." "I already know how to play dominoes." "I bet you do." "Wow." "So, you were saying that Vera approached you and Larry." "Why?" "I was out of whiskey, and that's when I went to ask Larry if he could go to the store, and then I saw Scarface out on the balcony smoking away." "Then he went inside, and that's when the ruckus began." "What ruckus, ma'am?" "Oh, the yelling and the screaming and the arguing coming from that horrible man's apartment..." "That Ed." "And what was the argument about?" "Of course, I really couldn't hear the details." "I assumed that they were dating, and that Scarface was from out of town." "Or that he worked for the airlines." "He always showed up with luggage." "Luggage." "Yeah." "Some fancy bag." "My ex-wives all have them." "They all look like you." "My ex-wives, not the bags." "Anyway, after the argument," "Scarface left Dagby's apartment and headed out." "Of course, anyone who disliked Ed enough to yell at him was a friend of mine." "I almost went up to Scarface to thank him, but he was moving fast." "In what direction?" "Straight out through the parking lot." "Anyway, I went to bed..." "until the next ruckus." "The next ruckus?" "Lights and sirens, detective." "Lights and sirens." "So I smelled gas, so I called 911." "And that was that." "Well, e-except for this." "This part is part of that." "The murder..." "thing we were t..." "I love your perfume." "If we can hold on to the luggage," "I think your team has given me enough to charge mark Evans," "A.K.A. Scarface." " But?" " We won't get a deal..." "Until we know how this death-by-allergy was accomplished." "Five eye witnesses to a suspect seen leaving a victim's apartment, half an hour before that victim was discovered asphyxiated." "Hobbs, it doesn't get any better than that." "But Agent Evans did say he was out with friends." "Well, Flynn's been working on breaking that alibi, which shouldn't be that hard, considering." "Considering Evans was nowhere near the Shangri-La the night of the murder." "What?" "We have five people who say otherwise." "Uh-huh." "Well, they're all lying." "Buzz." "♪ Now, I've had the time of my life ♪" "♪ no, I never felt like this before ♪" "No!" " That's not..." " It is." "That's agent Evans performing " The Time of My Life"" "at the Pueblo Bar and Grill during the Karaoke Duet Competition 2013." "♪ The time of my life" "It gets worse." "How could it get worse?" "They dance." "Oh, God." "♪ I've been waiting for so long ♪" "♪ now I finally found someone to stand by me ♪" "May I turn this off?" " Please." "♪" " Saw the wri... ♪" "If Evans wasn't at Dagby's on the night of the murder, then who did the tenants see leaving the apartment?" "I do think that it is time to attempt a re-creation of the crime, lieutenant." "Are you sure you can't join us in a beer?" "You brought them." "Oh, I'd love to, but we're on duty." "Just think of these as a little gift for bothering all of you with this whole sordid murder business." "May I say how much better this place looks without all those rules posted everywhere?" "Plus you cleaned and filled the pool." "Nice beach ball." "You're starting to turn the Shangri-La around." "Hear, hear." "Hello, lieutenant." "Is there a problem?" "Oh, no." "No, sir." "We just, uh, have to get a clarification." "In order to make our arrest, we need all of you to physically run through your accounts of the night that Ed was murdered." "So, as we say in the business, everybody back to one." "Ba rum bum!" "Pauline, darling." "It's like a second team rehearsal." "Oh, I wish I could have appreciated the wonder of it all then the way I do now." "Don't you?" "Okay, ladies and gentlemen." "This will serve as our master shot." "Pauline, Clayton, this is exactly how you were standing?" "Yes, detective." "I was definitely camera left, and Pauline never misses her mark." "Why do we have to go through this, lieutenant?" "We told you what happened." "Ah, but this time it's for camera." "Julio, places." "Following you up the stairs, Scarface." "Oh, oh." "Just one more thing." "Vera, uh, do you mind taking your glasses off?" "Excuse me?" "Well, when we were here yesterday, you had just received these new glasses because Larry had sat on your old glasses." "So the night Ed died, you didn't have glasses." "I'll hold them for you." "Okay, on "action,"" "Scarface will come out onto the balcony." "Ready..." "Set... and action!" "Well, Vera." "Who do you see?" "Oh." "It's that little Mexican fella." "Oh!" "Vera, you said the wrong thing." "Oh." "Yes, you did, Vera." "It's not "Mexican."" "It's "Latino."" "Latino." "My God, these glasses." "Cut!" "Check the gate!" "Ladies and gentlemen, you are all under arrest for murder one." ""Having reached the age where it is no longer possible" ""to put off considering the end of all things," ""I, Norman William Dagby," ""declare to this to be my last will and testament." ""In the event of my death, I give and bequeath, after payment of all my just debts..."" "God, Tao." "Just get to the part of Norm Dagby's will where we find out who gets the apartment complex." "Ah." "Here it is." ""To my family, hereunto, known as the tenants of the Lost Horizon Apartments..."" "The tenants of the Shangri-La?" "I give wholly and completely the property and domicile of 1066 North Hastings Boulevard."" "He left the Shangri-La to our suspects." "But he called them his family." "And that's how Ed Dagby got the property." "That's right, lieutenant." "No matter what Norman Dagby said in his will, the suspects were not relatives." "Ed contested the word "family."" "And he got ownership of the property." "Forget how Ed harassed them." "If they stand to inherit, this will become murder for financial gain." "If we can prove it's a homicide." "I can." "I can." "God, I feel like Quincy, only without the subtitles." "Ah, you wouldn't get that joke." "You didn't watch the show in Uruguay." "Never mind." "I can reconstruct the recipe for the brownies that killed your victim." "The brownies were poisoned?" "No." "Remember how I said there were no nuts in the stomach contents?" "I certainly do." "But the brownies were made with almond milk and peanut oil and covered in an icing laced with Frangelica." "It's a hazelnut liqueur." "Ed Dagby did have a nut allergy." "You're missing something, Señor Quincy." "In order to turn this allergy into a homicidal pathogen, you need to prove that our suspects knew what it would do to our victim." "And I can." "Okay, when I found these ingredients," "I stopped looking at hospital records and started searching for calls to paramedics." "Guess what I found." "Huh?" "Guess!" "Oh, all right." "I'll tell you." "Three months ago, someone phoned for an ambulance from the Lost Horizon Apartment Complex, and the call went like this." "911, what's your emergency?" "It's my neighbor!" "Something's wrong!" "Can you describe what's going on?" "Well, he's sweating and he has the hives, and he's having trouble breathing." "It sounds as if he's suffering from anaphylactic shock." "An ambulance is on its way." "In the meantime, did he eat or drink anything that may have had nuts or peanuts in it?" "Well, I'm gonna ask about that." "Hey!" "Did Ed eat any nuts or peanuts?" "What the hell's the difference?" "Oh, he ate Vera's Chex Mix." "And he didn't even ask." "And he stuck his whole hand in the bowl like a pig." "He's choking!" "To death!" "But he didn't choke to death." "The ambulance came and shot him up with epinephrine." "Isn't that right?" "And as we now know, you all stood to inherit the Shangri-La if Ed died." " You're kidding." " What?" "You expect us to believe that you didn't know" "Shangri-La was supposed to be yours?" "We didn't!" "Lieutenant, do you think we would have put up with Ed destroying our lives if we knew that we had a legal option to stop him?" "You didn't put up with it." "You killed him." "After hearing this 911 recording, we secured a warrant and we searched all of your apartments." "And in Vera and Pauline's refrigerator, we found this." "I'm guessing that when we get the test results back, the ingredients will match those of the brownie found in Mr. Dagby's stomach." "You know I can't throw away good food." "Those brownies were made from scratch." "So what?" "You still can't prove that anyone here gave Ed a brownie." "No." "We cannot." "And I'm beginning to think there's only one way through this mess." "Your honor, the people contend that the five defendants were involved in a conspiracy to commit murder." "Unfortunately, the prosecution lacks evidence to prove which defendant committed which part of the conspiracy." "Also, for me to pursue this case would include a lengthy, time-consuming trial of several months, meaning the people most available in the jury pool would be..." "Elderly and retired." "I get it." "Therefore, provided they tell the truth today, and considering that the defendants will also be eyewitnesses in a Federal case involving an international smuggling ring and counterfeit luggage, the people recommend this special plea." "Thank you, D.D.A. Hobbs." "Mr. Gray." "What do you and your clients have to say?" "Oh." "Larry Murdoch." "Excuse me, your honor." "I'm a retired teamster, and I, uh, I cut the brake lines on the bastard's car." "Just a little backup plan." "No harm done." "I'm Pauline Allen, and I would like to confess that I greased the very top step on which Ed untimely slipped." "And I helped with the brownies." "Me too." "Clayton Carter." "I shopped for the almond milk and the peanut oil." "And putting the Frangelica in the icing was entirely my idea." "A flourish." "Vera Walker." "I made the brownies, and I put them out by the nachos for our weekly taco night." "And no one else was hurt by them at all." "And I have two more batches in the freezer." "So, if you'd like to try one yourself..." "No?" "Okay." "Uh, I'm Howard Gray, and, uh..." "Ed helped himself to our buffet without asking and walked off with two brownies." "We waited while he went upstairs to eat, and then after he choked to death on his own rudeness and his cries for help kind of petered out," "I propped him up in one of those kitchen chairs and turned on the gas and called 911." "And we're very sorry, your honor, and we promise never to let someone kill themselves again." "I see." "Well, uh taking into account the 378 collective years the five of you have spent on the planet with no priors and the fact that not a single one of you can actually be charged with murder," "I accept the plea of manslaughter and agree in principle to two years of house arrest for each of the five defendants, followed by nine years of probation." "Your honor." "The L.A.P.D. would like to ask that house arrest extend some special requests." "Such as?" "Each of these defendants volunteers as a judge for the Emmys, television's highest honor." "It's an award show, judge, that requires their presence at panels and special screenings." "Well, I can appreciate that the defendants are passing along their property in trust to the children's hospital." "I will take that into consideration when we discuss special requests during sentencing." "If there's nothing further, we're finished for today." "It looks as if you're beginning to like the deal-making process, lieutenant." "Yeah." "What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" "Uh, one more day." "Captain, if you don't mind." "Just one more day." "Okay." "So, before we get so caught up in the panic of 1873 we can't think straight, I have a surprise." "What's that?" "Is this a... a gift?" "Kris, why did you buy me a gift?" "I didn't." "My mother felt bad about how she judged you, and she makes jewelry for a living, so..." "Home." "That's all real silver, too, because home is a valuable thing, right?" "You know, it's what you're fighting to keep." "What do you think?" "Uh... wow." "Kris..." "Thank you." "Can you just wait here?" "Just one second." "Sure." "Is..." "Is it okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah, it's beautiful." "It's beautiful." "I just have to..." "I'll be right back." "Okay." "Just..." "Even though I know it's wrong," "I want to keep one, just for a special occasion." "Like Tuesday." "Or lunch." "Oh, my God." "You're like two little girls staring at a candy counter." "A candy counter being wheeled away to the FBI." "Mark Evans has no idea what's about to hit him." "Well, neither does that old lady, Vera." "She can't see a thing." "She keeps calling me, asking for her glasses back." "I didn't see them in evidence." "Hey." "Where's Lieutenant Provenza?" "Read it and weep." "Don't see many of these." "Perfect target, lieutenant." "♪ I've had the time of my life" "♪ no, I never felt this way before ♪" "♪ yes, I swear it's the truth" "♪ and I owe it all to you" "♪ 'cause I've had the time of my life ♪" "♪ and I've searched though every open door ♪"