"Oh, come on, Ponch." "We're gonna be late again." "Would you hurry up?" "Hey, Ponch." "Briefing is in 30 minutes." "If we're late again..." "Hang on, partner." "We'll make it with time to spare." "Besides, we haven't been late in three days." " Good morning." " Good morning." "You know, Getraer doesn't give gold stars for that." "Hey, old buddy, anything is possible when you've got good karma like me." "Good karma?" "Yeah, I'm a Scorpio, old buddy." " So?" " So, the moon's in Saturn right now." "Oh, and that gives you good karma." "You got it." "Yeah, we better hurry up because Getraer doesn't give out late passes no matter where your moon is and what it's in." "My watch, my wallet." "Hey!" "Come back here, come back!" "Come back here!" "Miss E-Z ON again, huh?" "Yeah, that's what I call starting the day off right." "Yeah, you two better quit meeting like this or you're gonna end up kissing the back door of an 18-wheeler." "Well, sometimes I think it'll be worth it, partner." "Look at her." "She's a work of art." "Mister, what's the matter with you?" "This guy came along and he ripped my watch right off my wrist." "And then, he went inside my pocket and took out my wallet." "Try to calm yourself." "Who are you talking about?" "There's this crazy, bearded guy on a wild motorcycle." "If you hurry, you can catch him." "Okay, we'll try." "In the meantime, pull your car over to the shoulder and we'll be back in a minute or send another unit." "Thanks." "Excuse me, miss." "Can I have a light, please?" " Thank you." " What are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "Come back here." "Give me back my purse!" "There he is." "L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4 in pursuit of possible 211 suspect headed south on Riverside off from Pine." "End of the road, hot dog." "L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4, pursuit is code 4." "A 7 Adam is en route." "Where's the loot?" "You're gonna find nothing on me, pig." "Hey, do me a favor." "Save the compliments for the judge." "Nothing on him, Baker." "Bike's clean." "He must have ditched everything." "Not bad, dude." "You learn that before or after reform school?" "I don't have to rap with you." "I wanna talk to my lawyer." "Oh, yeah." "We don't wanna do anything to infringe on your rights, do we now?" "Good going there, guys." "That's some real nice riding there, JB." "You drive a mean machine." "What, I bust you before or something?" "Give it some time, it will come to you." "Oh, you're gonna have plenty of that, buddy." " Book him, Bar, 211." " Right, Ponch." "Hey, you know him?" "Yeah." " I don't know." "I know the face..." " He probably just read your nameplate." "Yeah, maybe that's it." "Hey, Jon." "Ponch, come on." "It's just a picture." "Yeah, but, what a view." "Makes me want to take the day off and go to the beach." "Yeah, well, I have a feeling you better invite Getraer because I think he wants to see you today." "The guy in the bike really messed my shirt up." "You remember that gang fight under the San Berdoo last month?" "What if that dude was one of their leaders?" "No, both of them were under 6 feet." "Hey, why don't you forget it?" "The 211 was probably trying to psyche you out, you know?" "Yeah, I guess you're right." "Sure I'm right." "It happens all the time, partner." "Oh, brother, come on." "Hey, Miss E-Z ON." "There's the big Gross and little Fritz." "Hope you brought notes from your mamas because you missed homeroom today and Getraer is carrying a very big stick." "Maybe we ought to avoid Getraer altogether today and go out on patrol." "Yeah, let's go on the beach." "You too, huh, Ponch?" "The whole world is in love with this E-Z ON." "Yeah." "Too bad she isn't real, you know." "She's real enough to the Getraers." "Wait a minute." "What are you talking about?" "The chick, the model, Miss E-Z ON." "She's a friend of the Getraers family." "You're kidding." "You wouldn't be putting me on, Art." "Me, kid you?" "No, why would I?" "No, no, no, allow me." "For my favorite sergeant." "Cream or sugar?" "I usually take my hot chocolate black, Frank." "Well, coffee will keep you from falling asleep, sarge." "Well, I sincerely hope so, Frank." "It's only 9:30 in the morning." " Which reminds me..." " Here we go, sarge." "No need to say thanks." "Anytime." "How courteous of you and Baker not to disrupt briefing as usual by walking in late." "Am I to conclude that you're not going to be walking in at all from now on?" "Yeah, well, look." "We ran into a little emergency on the way in." "And you'll hear all about it." "I'll tell you." "I'm sure I will." "Hey, listen." "You gotta do me a favor, sarge." "I'm busy Frank, can't you see that?" " You got to set me up with Miss E-Z ON." " What?" "Set you up?" "Yeah, a date, sarge." "Look, have I ever asked for personal favors before, huh, sarge?" "Your old pal." "Look, she's single, right?" "Please tell me she's single." "Yeah, Janey's single, Frank." "But..." "I knew it." "She's single and I'm single." "It's a match made in heaven, sarge." "Look, Frank." "Take my word for it." "She's not the one for you." " She's..." " I know." "I know." "Personal business on off-duty hours." "Sure, I'll be glad to talk about it later." "But right now I'm going out there." "I'm gonna catch every violator in the city." "Anything." "Anything for the good of the department." "And for the best commanding officer in the CHP." "Right, Frank." "Did you see Getraer?" "Did I ever?" "Hey, we got Joe all wrong." "He's really a good dude." "He's gonna set me up with Miss E-Z ON." "And her name's Janey." "Getraer said he'll do that?" " Yeah." " You're kidding me." "Me, kid you?" "Really?" "Well, not exactly." "I mean, not yet." "But he will." "Come on, we've got to hit the bricks." "I've gotta make some points for Getraer." " Does Getraer know what he's doing?" " You got me." "You know, maybe I know that guy from the beach yesterday." "The one with the baseball bat." "No way, he got 30 days for assault." "He's still in the slammer." "Oh, yeah, right." "I don't know." "I know that face from somewhere." "Hey, this thing seems to be really bugging you, huh?" "Yeah, a little bit." "I mean, no one's called me JB since high school." "Did you check the arrest report for his name?" "I haven't had a chance to talk to Baricza yet." "Well, listen." "Just take it easy, okay?" "Let your subconscious work on it." "Meanwhile, we have got to do a righteous job today so Getraer will set me up with Miss E-Z ON." "We." "I mean, where are you getting this "we" stuff all the time?" "Hey, old buddy." "Maybe she's got a sister." "Thank you." "Let me ask you a question." "Are you aware you had trucks in the back?" "Then why did you slam down on the brake?" "What's the matter with you, lady?" "There's nothing the matter with me." "This conversation is pointless." "A caravan like that should not be allowed on city streets." "And you were speeding." "The Janus Shows." "I heard they were coming to town." "Pretty lousy debut." "Axle's busted." "We won't be able to move it to the side, that's for sure." "Why don't you check this traffic out and I'll see what these people are doing." "Are you aware that there were six trucks riding right in back of you?" " You were speeding." " Speeding?" "Fifteen miles an hour." "You call that speeding?" "Let me tell you something." "No, let me tell you." "I'm not standing here any longer and taking your rude tirade." "You listen to..." "Oh, officer." "The officer is here." "He'll take care of everything." "Get all these women." "Let's step over here and continue the debate, okay?" " We'll continue the debate here." " Let's get this cleared up." "The law." "Now, justice will be done." "The only justice you'll see today is when they take your license away." "How dare you." "You'll hear from my insurance company." "Are you kidding?" "We were suppose to be down at the fairground about an hour ago." "How are they going to start the opening parade without the star attraction?" " Star attraction?" " My baby, Effie." "Effie." "Oh, my." "Follow me officer, come here." "Effie, wait a minute." "Effie." "Excuse me." "I knew that's what was gonna happen." "That's what I was afraid..." "Effie is upset." "Who..." "Who is Effie?" "Oh, God." "That's it." "Attagirl." "Come on." "Come on." "Come on, get up to your stand." "Come on." "Hey, hey, hey, hey, attagirl." "Hey, it won't run into the crowd, will it?" "No, all she needs is exercise." "She's been cooped up in the wagon too long." "And, officer, Effie is a she, not an it." "What, does she listen to you?" "The best trained elephant in the world and watch this." "Come on, over here, over here." "Come on." "What a babe." "All right." "I'll call it in, Ponch." "Hi, Effie." "Come on, baby." "Come on, sweetheart." "Come on." "Chug, chug." "Up, up, up, come on." "Effie, up, up." "Attagirl." "Attagirl, come on." "Attagirl." "Attagirl." "Dispatch said it'll take 20 minutes before a tow truck could get here." "Yeah, it doesn't matter, anyway." "Nobody's in a hurry." "Okay, up, chug." " Effie's doing our job, huh?" " Yeah, some crowd control, huh?" "Really." "If only Effie can tow a truck." "Tow a truck?" " Yeah." " Hey." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, huh?" "Okay, Emilio." "I said slowly." "That's it." "We got it." "Okay, good, Effie." "Good." "Hey, how's that, huh?" "Good." "Hey, when did the dancing bears come on?" "You missed the main event, Bar." "You two really pick them." " Anything I can do to help?" " Oh, no." "No thanks." "Effie's got everything under control." " Nice." "It's better than a tow unit." " Yeah." "A little faster too." "Oh, by the way, Jon, your old teammate is gonna make bail in about an hour." "What do you mean, my old teammate?" "You know the 211 biker you and Ponch came down on?" "Leo Norrison." "Oh, yeah, of course, Leo Norrison of high school." "He mentioned something about high school." "That he was the Joe Namath of your football team." "Yeah, he wasn't joking." "That guy was really good." "The guy I stopped yesterday." "No way that's the Leo Norrison I know." "He isn't gonna steal from..." "I don't think he'd steal from people." "I'll take the point." " Hey, Bar, thanks a lot." " Sure." "You really knew this Norrison, huh?" "Yeah." "On the grid." "I mean, I played a lot of ball." "He was a year ahead of me but that guy was really good." "Hey, I used to play football." "What?" "Yeah." "Okay, Effie." "Hey, look at this." "Effie, come on." "Let's give a nice goodbye standup for the nice policemen, huh?" "Attagirl, come on." "Up, up." "Up, up, up." "Hey, Bar." "Hey, Ponch, easy with that stuff, huh?" "You already look like you're sleeping with your head in the microwave oven." "Listen, it makes me feel closer to Janey." "Do you mind?" "I wouldn't get too wrapped up over that girl." "You know how blind dates are." "Come on, Jon." "It's not a blind date." "Look." "That's Janey." "Okay, Ponch, we got one." "Good afternoon, sir." "Is that what it is?" "I'm sorry but we paced you at 87 miles per hour." "May I see your driver's license and registration?" "Well, that's impossible because I was watching it." "Hey, what is this box for?" "Well, offhand, I'd say that that is a $500 nothing." "It was suppose to monitor radar waves." "You mean, you spent $500 to ward off radar?" "That ain't all I got." "Let me show you something else up here." " Ward off radar, right?" " Right." "Now, let me show you something else over here." "You'll love this." "That is a thing of beauty, ain't it, huh?" " That's radar too, right?" " Yeah, right." "I mean, I have to have some way have an even chance with you guys, don't I?" "Mister York, I'm sure that stuff is effective." "But the California Highway Patrol really doesn't use radar." "You..." "You don't use any radar?" "You don't use radar, huh?" "Oh, boy." "Hey, Jon." "You sure you wanna go through with this?" "Come on, he was a teammate of mine." "Was, Jon, was." "Come on." "We've all had high school buddies who've taken dives." "I just wanna do something for the guy." "Okay, okay." "What do you say there, Leo?" "How are you doing there?" "I don't expect you to be down here." "I thought, maybe, I can help out." "Maybe find out what happened to the guy most likely to succeed." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It's not supposed to mean anything." "Oh, yeah." "You come here to call me a loser and improve your image." " Hey, Leo..." " Hey, lighten up, Norrison." "He didn't have to come down here to see you." "Hey, Ponch, back off." "I'll handle it, alone." "Take it easy or you're liable to get your shirt dirty again." "Hey, Ponch, I'll handle it." "Okay?" " Listen..." " If you don't mind, I gotta catch a bus." "You mean they didn't release your bike?" "Gotta go downtown and get it out of hock." "I had to put up something to make bail." "What's with you?" "Stealing a watch, a purse here and there." "What's the deal, huh?" "A guy's gotta make a living, don't he?" "You call it making a living?" "Come on." "That's low tide especially from a guy like you." "Hey, what do you really know about me?" "It's been four years, man." "Just know you had promise, man." "You're supposed to succeed, right?" "And just between you and I, that whole school used to think that you were the guy to look up to." "Well, that was back then." "Some people get the breaks, and some don't." "Now, what's that supposed to mean?" "That I didn't go to college on that scholarship." "I didn't pass the exam." "Everybody thought I was off at school." "I was in the Army." "Instead of getting a diploma, I got a dishonorable discharge." "I hit an officer." "A captain." " Where's your head?" "What are you try...?" " He pushed me." "He tried to make me do things I didn't want to." "Nobody does that to me." "I used to be a real leader in high school." "Remember that, JB?" "Yeah, I remember." "They don't hire leaders with dishonorables." "So in the meantime, you buzz in and steal a purse here, a watch..." " I take from who's got it, and I need it." " Of course, you're Robin Hood, right?" "You know what you need?" "What you need is a job." "Oh, no." "I can't cut in those tracks." "The grooves are too deep, man." "Yeah." "Well, you know where to find me, all right?" "Besides, I think I make a better deal than the judge." "JB?" "Yeah." "See you around, huh?" "Is he the Leo you used to know?" "I think, maybe, he's a question mark." "My crazy grandson, he gets himself arrested." "I have to come down on a hot day." "Why me, oh, Lord?" "Shirley Abel." "What did I do to deserve this?" "What?" "Why me, oh, Lord?" "Shirley Abel." "What have I ever done to deserve this?" "Excuse me." "Could we call the Auto Club?" "Could he call the Auto Club?" "Is it my business he calls the Auto Club?" "It's none of my business." "I'm not a member of the Auto club." " Well, maybe we could..." " What, are you a shill of the Auto Club?" "They ride around plugging the Auto Club?" "They ride around all day plugging the Auto Club." " We're just trying to help you." " Now, they tell me they're trying to help." "Why didn't you think of that before you arrested my grandson?" "And made me come down here on a hot day and pick him up with this crazy car?" "Lady, we're not resp..." "If she feels that way about it, let's go." "Hey, we can't just leave her here." "I mean..." "What's it gonna look like?" "Hey, not as bad as it looks us standing here watching her." "Could you do us a favor and let..." "Oh, favors now." "You think I haven't changed a tire?" " I've changed thousands of tires." " I'm sure you have, but..." "How would you know?" "Besides, who asked you?" "It doesn't fit." "Ma'am, that's a locked lug." "You're gonna need a key." " A what?" " A locked lug, you understand?" " Certainly, I understand, it needs a key." " All right, here." "Excuse me, ma'am." "That's the ignition key." "He knows everything." "You're such a know it all?" "Do it yourself." "Thank you, ma'am." "Here we go." "Okay, Ponch." "Hey, careful." "Careful." "Haste makes waste, young man." "Didn't anyone ever tell you that?" "Nobody ever told him that." "Okay, Ponch, that's enough." "Get them on straight." "If you don't get them on straight, the wheel could fall off." "You hear me?" " Does he hear?" "Does he hear?" " Yes, he does." "Yes, he does." " Okay, Ponch." " Okay." "Okay, that does it." "All done, huh?" "Let me tell you something, you guys, you're just starting." "Yeah, an elephant sat on my car." "Hold it, hold it." "Wait a minute." "Are you telling me an elephant sat on that car?" "Yes, sarge." "He did." "They were there." "Tell him, guys." "Tell him about the elephant." "Come on, Bar." "You can't expect the sergeant to believe that story." "Hey, come on, guys." "Give me a break." "Hey, even I can come up with a better one than that, Bar." "Yeah, Baricza." "You're gonna have to do a better than that." "Yeah, you gotta be more original." "Come on." "Why don't you try putting it into writing?" "And come to the point in the first 10 pages." "How's the world treating my favorite sergeant, sarge?" "Oh, I can't complain, Frank." "What can I do for you?" "Did you do any thinking about our proposal?" "Oh, you mean, Janey." "Yeah, I've been doing some thinking about it, Frank." "And I still think she's not quite right for you." " Hey." " But what the heck." " I was single once myself, right?" "You were?" " I mean, of course, you were, sure." " Yeah, yeah." "I gave Janey a call." "She lives with her father and she's agreed to get together with you tomorrow night." " You made me a happy man." " Yeah." " I don't know what to say." " You want to prove it to me?" "Yeah, sure, how?" "Go out and do a righteous job on the freeway today, huh?" " Oh, you got it." " Okay." "Come on, you heard the man." "Jonathan, let's go." "What's this Jonathan?" "Is something going on here?" "No." "Never mind, I don't want to know." "What is this, the Ontario Speedway?" "Yeah, this is the first time anyone tried to smoke us out." "Oh, no." "What's the matter, Jay?" "Chippies." "One more ticket and they're gonna cancel my old man's insurance." "He's gonna take it out of my hide, Sandy." " Hang tight, everybody." " Yeah." " Everybody okay here?" " Yeah." "Come on, step out." "Come on, get out." "That was some trip you took us on, Jay." "Next time, we'll take a bus." "What's your old man gonna do?" "Oh, Shut up." "If you chippies hadn't come up from behind none of this would've happened." "Why don't you tell it like it is?" "You almost broke the sound barrier." "And you're creating a traffic hazard with this smoke bomb." "Let me see your driver's license and registration." " Sure you're okay?" " Yeah." "Why don't you turn off the engine." "Jon." "Is somebody back there?" "Lance and Paula." "Oh, man, there wasn't any more room up front." "I mean, we were just fooling around." "Come on, open it right now." "It jammed when you had the accident." "It's in the back seat, come on." "Pull, Ponch." "Pull it." " Fritz, call paramedics, now!" " They're asphyxiated." "Right away." "I'll get an ETA." "Go on, take deep breaths." "Go ahead." "All right." "No, no." "Stay down." "Just breathe." "She's coming around, Ponch." "Are they gonna be all right?" "Yeah, I think so." "Hey, I don't like lectures so I'll keep this short." "That was a stupid stunt." "You stay calm, okay?" "You're going to be all right." "Yeah, that's the way." "Just breathe deep." "See you later, Fritz." "Well, I guess that's a wrap for us, Ponch." "Not quite, take a look." "Looks like you have to deal with the judges instead of me." "Why don't you give it up, JB?" "You're just wasting your time." "You never gave me your time." "All you had to do is give me a call." "There's a difference." "You know what your problem is, JB?" "You let your optimism run away with you." "We just ain't playing on the same team anymore." "You got that one right." "So let's go check out your new uniform, huh?" "Oh, hi." "Come on in." "You must be Officer Poncherello." "I'm Janey's father." "Hi." "Ponch, everybody calls me Ponch, sir." "All right, Ponch." "Come on in." "Have a little hors d'oeuvre, cocktail whatever you like." "Sarge, what are you doing here?" "Well, I just thought I'd drop by, Frank." "Make the proper introductions." "Hey, that's really nice of you." "Thank you." "Hey, look." "Anytime, anytime." " I'll call Janey, all right?" " Okay." "Janey, honey?" "Come on in." "Your young man's here." "Hi." "So you're a friend of Uncle Joe's." "Another real life highway patrolman." "You're putting me on." "This is gotta be Janey's kid sister." "Oh, no, no." "Janey's an only child, Frank." "I think she photographs older that she is, don't you?" "Did you see me on the billboards?" "I'm gonna do a TV commercial next week." "How old are you?" "Fifteen on my next birthday." "Fifteen, huh?" " Hi, Ponch." " Hi, Ponch." " How are you Ponch?" " Hey, hey." "I just found out an hour ago."