"Aw, you stupid, stupid computer." "How do you expect to take over mankind if you keep crashing?" "Did you back up your paper?" "Nah, I got it on disk." "But lizzie was supposed to come and give me questions and comments on it." "The thing is due tomorrow." "Ready for questions and comments?" "My computer crashed." "Oh, poor karpy." "Hey, I can question and comment it on my computer." "Dude, you're the best." "Man, thank you so much." "It's... just try not to lose it, 'cause it's my only one." "Steven, would a friend lose it?" ""Aw, poor karpy."" "Why are you snickering?" "Because you two are ridiculous." "We're friends." "Are you trying to put up every possible obstacle?" "Maybe it's so when you finally do get back together, you'll feel a greater sense of accomplishment." "I see." "That's clever." "No." "Well, that's what I'm gonna have to believe, just so I don't lose respect for you." "That sucks, man." "I can't believe she cheated on you again." "It's baloney." "I'm sorry." "Aw, it's all right." "It's not all right, greg." "That's what you got to realize." "Is it's not all right, man." "You got to dump her already." "Well, the only reason that I haven't dumped her yet is because I kind of can't believe she goes out with me in the first place." "She's so hot." "She's so hot." "Oh-ho..." "I've never been with anyone that hot." "That's ridiculous, man." "If lizzie ever cheated on me," "I think I would die." "Well, then, you're already dead." "Wha... oh..." "You better check yourself." "She's definitely cheated on you." "She's so hot." "Come on." "She is really hot." "I would totally do her, except that, you know, I've got a girlfriend, so..." "You guys are jokesters today." "I see how it is." "All right, you guys want proof?" "You want some proof?" "Hey, rachel, it's... it's eric." "I heard what happened between lizzie and lloyd." "What?" "Yeah, I just feel so broken up about it." "I just feel so helpless." "Wait, lizzie hooked up with lloyd?" "Nobody tells me anything." "Was that before or after steven?" "What?" "What?" "What?" "Steven?" "What?" "Steven?" "No!" "No!" "What?" "Who's steven?" "Lock up the store." "Eugene, let's go." "# danger!" "Huh!" "# # danger, steven karp!" "# # danger # ohhh!" "Ahhhh!" "Ahh!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Bring it on, steven karp!" "# danger # lizzie, I really need to talk to you." "Oh, one second." "No, no, I really, really screwed up." "Hello?" "Hey." "Hey, baby." "You got something you need to tell me..." "Elizabeth?" "Yeah..." "I been wanting to tell you..." "How much I love you!" "As much as you love having sex with steven?" "What are you talking about?" "Why you trying to play me?" "Wait..." "Where are you?" "Oh, let's just say daddy got a cell phone." "I'm in your dorm." "Where?" "In the elevator, and I want to talk to steven." "What?" "Oh, my god." "He knows." "Where's steven?" "He's got to get out of here!" "He's not here." "What's wrong?" "Eric knows." "What?" "What does eric know?" "Hey, baby." "Hey, baby." "Hey, the whole gang's here." "So how was having sex with steven?" "I didn't do anything with anyone." "You are just being paranoid." "Why are you trying to play me, girl?" "That's not what rachel said." "What?" "She doesn't know what she's talking about." "She's, like, drunk half the time, and she's always lying." "They do it?" "I don't..." "what?" "Do what?" "Hey, eric." "Hey, eric." "How was sexual intercourse with my girlfriend..." "Steven?" "You told him?" "I'm gonna beat you up so bad." "What?" "And I'm gonna love it." "No!" "Eric!" "Bring the ruckus, boy!" "Bring the ruckus!" "Hey, buddy, where'd you go?" "Where'd you go, man?" "I just want to talk to you for a second." "I'm gonna go home, man." "I just want to say good-bye." "There once was a little boy named steven, and if I just punched him once, we'd be even." "Come on out, little boy." "Ohh..." "Unh..." "Whoa, hey!" "Whoa, steven..." "What happened in there, man?" "Um..." "The..." "the vent fell." "I was in it." "My god, are you all right?" "Yeah, I think I'm ok." "Wrong answer." "# Mortal combat #" "# mortal combat #" "I'm gonna get you, scooter boy!" "Bad little boys have to pay the piper, steven!" "# Let mortal combat begin #" "I only get faster!" "Oh, nice try, you cuckolding jerk!" "# Mortal combat #" "I'm sorry!" "Rrrr!" "You're dead, steven!" "And I'm your executioner!" "# That's enough # Enough, enough!" "Where are you?" "Uh, I'm hiding in a storage room." "You're gonna have to fight him or you're gonna have to transfer." "And I don't want some weird foreigner moving in." "Just bring the disk." "Yeah." "And my jean shorts." "All right." "I cannot believe that you would do this to me!" "I cannot believe that you would hurt me like this!" "I tried... you're the last person I thought would hurt me like this!" "What, did he make you do it?" "No, I told you, it wasn't his fault!" "It was mine, all right?" "!" "I hope..." "I hope you wore a condom." "Well, he wore a condom!" "Oh, that's... you're so smart, huh?" "!" "You're so damn smart, college girl!" "Huh?" "!" "Well, you're so smart, that you're dumped!" "Eric..." "how 'bout that?" "You're dumped!" "Just listen... no, I don't have to listen to you anymore!" "I do not have to listen to you anymore!" "You're not part of my life anymore." "Damn, liz." "Is this his disk?" "Yeah." "You have his disk?" "You two shared disks?" "Eric..." "No, don't come near me." "You stay away from me." "I'm done with you." "I don't want to be around you anymore." "At all." "You're not my girlfriend." "You're..." "My girl enemy." "And I don't want to see you." "I don't want to see..." "I don't want to see you." "I'm out of here." "Eric, wait!" "You've ruined my life." "I told you, I'm not a good liar." "Your boyfriend cheated on you?" "That's the worst." "Hey, he's a snake in the grass." "No, lizzie cheated on him." "Then why are you mad at rachel?" "Because I accidentally told him." "Sixth commandment:" "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time." "Why is he making us wait in the car?" "We can't back him up in the car." "I don't know." "There's a fillet of fish smell in this car that's making me sick." "Do you smell that?" "Hey, let's get some beer." "I'll bet you there's some beer up there." "Let's just go get it and wait up there." "All right, if eric comes in here, we take him down." "Whoa, whoa, ok, whoa." "I'm not taking anyone down, ok?" "You know?" "I'm from canada." "We don't... we don't take people down." "Man, you americans are such nancys about fighting." "Back in the east end, you can't even finish a yorkshire pudding without some guy..." "wham!" "To the back of the head." "All right, are you two men, or pretty little ladies?" "Pretty lady right here." "I'm a pretty lady." "Yeah." "I mean, look, I hate to say this, but steven deserves it, you know?" "I mean, he should just take his medicine like a man." "He should go out there, he should let this dude beat his head in, and then at least he'll respect him after that, you know?" "And then he'll have a new brother and his manhood." "Hi, you guys mind if we wait here for eric?" "Oh, uh..." "Why would we let you wait here for eric?" "Oh, I don't know." "Uh..." "We're over 21?" "What?" "How'd he get my disk?" "I don't know." "But he's got it." "My paper's due tomorrow morning." "If I could just explain stuff to him, he really wouldn't be so mad." "I know he wouldn't." "It's true." "If he knew why you had sex with lizzie, he'd be fine with it." "In fact, he'd probably let you do it again." "I can't fight him, lloyd." "Ok?" "I have successfully avoided fighting my entire life." "Right?" "I'm not about to start right now." "In every man resides a fighter, steven." "Where, does he hide in my ass?" "Do you love her or not?" "Of course I love her." "Ok?" "I'm in pain every single second because I love her so much." "I hate being her friend." "I can live with that." "We're born to commit murder, steven." "We're all cavemen." "So why are you guys here?" "Oh, we're just, uh, backup, in case things get out of control." "We're backup, too." "You guys want a piece of me?" "Yeah, bring it on, right here." "Look out." "Oh, yeah!" "Ok, ron, come on, let's see the dancing machine." "I can't go." "I don't want to go." "I can't go." "No, I'm not going." "I'm not go... oh..." "Oh, what?" "What's happened?" "Oh, my god." "Oh." "Oh." "Don't know what's happening to me, guys." "I'm a little nervous." "I'm a little scared." "What is this?" "Zhht!" "Zhht!" "Rachel..." "Don't worry." "She'll forgive you." "Hey, my nana didn't talk to her sister for 62 years." "They're the best of friends now." "They own a jam company." "Thanks, tina." "You're welcome." "Go, greg!" "Go, greg!" "Go, greg!" "Yeah!" "Whoo!" "Kitten play!" "Oh, that's cool!" "Play moment!" "It's like, my dad says I got the build of a fighter." "You know?" "It's just, I'm..." "I'm just afraid of getting hit in the face a bit." "It's like my only obstacle." "Ahh!" "How was that?" "Oh!" "Are you ok?" "You know, it..." "it kind of hurts, but it's, like, it's not as bad as I thought." "You see?" "Good!" "If you can handle that, you can handle a fight." "'Cause a fight is basically just 20 more like that." "Sometimes even less." "Sometimes it's, like, over in like 3 or 4." "Oh, well, so, like, if... maybe, maybe I could fight." "Absolutely." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Aah!" "Ohh..." "Yeah!" "Oh, you ready to fight now, huh?" "Come on." "Come on." "How you gonna hit me?" "How you gonna hit me?" "You gonna hit me here?" "Here?" "Where are you gonna hit me, huh?" "Does lizzie slap you like that?" "You like that?" "Show me what you got." "Damn, steven!" "You can't punch a guy in the ear!" "What?" "Why?" "I can't hear." "Oh, my god, you busted my eardrum!" "It's bleeding!" "Lloyd, I'm sorry." "I can't hear, you... ohhh!" "Oh, god." "Got to watch out for the fake, steve." "You're right." "Just remember, men fake, too." "Oh, oh!" "You're a wise guy, huh?" "Wise guy?" "How would you like this?" "How would you like some of this?" "And this!" "How'd you like that?" "Oh..." "Ok." "Ahh!" "Hey, marshall." "Hey, eric." "You want to borrow a dollar?" "No, I think I'm ok." "You sure you don't want to borrow..." "A dollar?" "Hello?" "Yeah." "It's for you." "Hello?" "Seriously?" "Yep, he left your disc on lizzie's desk." "Uh-huh." "All right." "Ok, we'll see you in a sec." "Bye-bye." "Oh, ok." "Eric's gone." "Really?" "Yeah." "Good boy, marshall." "Good boy." "There weren't even any staples." "Steve, no." "Steve, go back." "Well, if it isn't the whack-ass buster." "Eric, what are you doing back here?" "You looking for this?" "Wait, this is a fight, isn't it?" "Huh?" "Yeah, it is." "Would you guys just grow up?" "!" "He's about to." "Yeah, let's go, baby." "Hose down, fists up." "So where do you want to do this?" "Like a parking lot or a warehouse or something?" "Right here is fine with me." "I got your back, man." "I got this one, all right?" "Steve, I got the guns, ready, loaded." "Thank you." "This ain't gonna be no thang." "Ain't gonna be no thang." "Start." "Why don't you start?" "You start." "You start it!" "I think you should start it!" "Come on." "Why don't you start it?" "Why don't you hit me, little boy?" "I think you should start." "Well, I think you should start." "Come on, start it up." "You touched my girlfriend, why don't you touch me?" "Huh, little boy?" "You want to wait till you go through puberty first?" "How about that?" "Why don't you wait till you go through puberty?" "Why don't you wait till you get some hair on your fa... ooh!" "Nice!" "I didn't want this." "Now it's over." "Oh, ain't nothing over." "Ain't nothing over!" "Steven!" "Oh..." "Ohh..." "Ohh..." "Am I bleeding?" "No." "Dude, I think you dropped that." "Just put that on some ice, you know?" "You broke my tooth?" "I broke your tooth?" "You broke my tooth!" "Oh, my god." "Let me see!" "Are you ok?" "Let me see it?" "Let me see it!" "Oh, my god!" "That's horrible!" "That looks disgusting." "Oh, take this." "I'm so sorry." "Thank you." "Eric, are you ok?" "Steve..." "You just kicked your first ass!" "I did." "I feel so guilty." "These 3 are fake." "They're just a bond." "I broke them on the water slide." "See?" "Uh-huh." "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry, baby." "Everything's gonna be all right." "This isn't right anymore." "It's right." "No, it's not." "I can tell, baby." "I can feel it." "It's not right anymore." "You're my little l-bug, right?" "You can't hold a bug in your hand or it's gonna bite you." "And it flies away." "And that's what happened, you know?" "So we're breaking up?" "Yeah." "I think so." "I think so." "Oh, come here." "You have to make me a promise, ok?" "You got to promise me..." "That you will always remember not to drink and drive." "Because it's not safe, you know?" "That makes me so nervous." "Hey." "Hey, steven." "How's your tooth?" "It's nothing, it's, uh..." "It was only a cap." "Um, I actually chipped it in third grade when my best friend bet me that I couldn't bite through a rock." "Oh..." "I could not." "What's with the wall?" "Eric's all gone." "We broke up." "Wicked." "I made the wall." "I'm gonna kill him!" "Oh, yeah!" "I'm gonna rip off his head, and then I'm gonna kill his head!" "And then I'm gonna whale all over his body!" "Oh, yeah!" "Tonight's the night, steven karp!" "This is so great!" "Rrrrr!" "Oh, yeah." "I get shotgun on the way back." "Yeah, you got to give him shot gun." "For the third time, you can't shot gun." "I don't want him shot gun on the way back." "But when he calls it, he deserves to... yes, but I told him... way back!" "He calls it every time and you always get in front."