" What's gotten into you?" " We need to have a serious talk." "We need to shake things up a bit and" "This is just the latest in a series of freak accidents." " Well, just a freak accident, everybody." " Damn you, Warren!" "All those years working to put you through med school, and for what?" "What we just witnessed was almost assault and battery." " Oh!" " This is marvelous!" "Mr. Steele, I just had a consciousness-raising experience." "Oh, good Lord." "You've gone over too." "I got it." "I'm Dr. Neil Brimsley." "Now, uh, probably some of you know me from television as "The Snuggle Man. "" "Well, welcome to the Sensitivity Spa... where, as the great Karl Freidlich used to say... we put the capital "Y"... back into the word "You. "" "Soft." "Gentle." "Close your eyes... and feel the very core of your being... passing through your fingertips... to your soul mate's pressure points... freeing both your minds... of life's superficial tensions." " Yes?" " Oh, yes." "The primal shriek is the cornerstone to the Freidlich approach... of creating a tensionless state of being." "Again!" "Much better!" "Now" " Now, relax." "Relax." "And let's see if we can get in touch with our primal emotions." "Very good, Melanie." "That's outstanding." "Now, Melanie, if I can just have your attention" " Melanie!" "Oh, my God.!" ""You Can Be Better Than Okay. "" "It's their latest best-seller, chief." "Twelve weeks at the top and still going strong." " It's nice to have an appreciative audience." " Are you kidding?" "I've been a big fan of you two since Winning Through Divorce." "It's our first book together." "You know, you look a little shorter than you did on Merv last week." "Thank you, Mildred." "Now, why don't you bring us some coffee?" "Oh, well, we're all out." " Buy some." " Oh." "Gerald has something that he feels is terribly important... that he'd like to share with you." "Several days ago at the spa..." "I was the victim of a freak accident on the way to the hot tub." " Uh, "the spa"?" " The Freidlich Sensitivity Spa, north of Malibu?" "Oh." "It was founded by Sonia's first husband... the great Karl Freidlich, my mentor." "Since Karl's death, we have been carrying on his Human Encounters Workshop." "Tell us about the accident." "An outdoor heater somehow toppled over and knocked me unconscious." "It" " It was awful." "He might have drowned." "Naturally, I tried to rationalize it as a... random accident." " But?" " The disturbing truth is... this is just the latest in a series of freak accidents." "And Gerald feels that somehow all these accidents are connected." "An outbreak of food poisoning... a fire in a janitor's closet... a short circuit in a light switch... that shocked one of our guests so badly we had to call the paramedics." "The local authorities- did they investigate?" "Yes, but not as industriously as the state licensing board." "This arrived this morning... notifying us that the spa was on probation... pending a full investigation." "How they found out about it, I do not know." "Do you have any ideas why anyone would want to bring either of you harm?" "Not a one." "But you can appreciate the fact that if the state doesn't renew our license to operate... we're out of business." "Would you excuse us for just a moment, please?" "Ah, Miss Holt." "Won't be a jiffy." " It's in the bag." " What are you talking about?" "The Golden Dugout baseball caper- a series of accidents... perpetrated by one guest out to kill another within the confines of a resort..." " dedicated to the overprivileged." " Uh, excuse me." "I don't mean to intrude, but, uh, we're on rather a tight schedule." "Mr. Steele was just pointing out a fascinating parallel... to one of his previous investigations." "Eh, successfully concluded, I might add... when the culprit turned out to be one guest out to kill another... through a subterfuge of random mishaps." " Impossible." " No, no." "All the accidents took place weeks apart." "There was a different encounter group in residence every time." " Nevertheless, the intrinsic similarities here" " What about the staff?" "Perhaps someone is trying to jeopardize the spa out of professional jealousy." "I'm sorry." "I can't buy into that." "We're like a family." "Well, if my Italian history serves me well, so were the Borgias." "Yes, I can see where you're coming from." "Anything's possible." "Will you take the case, Mr. Steele?" "I think that's" "Assuming we can move about the spa freely without compromising our investigation." "Hmm." "I couldn't have said it better myself." "That should be no problem." "What is the name of my book?" "Snuggle Up To Reality." "Well, what are you people waiting for?" "Let's snuggle!" "Warren Spriggs, M.D., Brentwood, California." "Ursula, touching and feeling." "Judy Fulton, San Jose." "Arthur Henderson, associate director of the spa." " Ralph Fulton." "Some setup you got here, Arthur." " Thank you, Ralph." "Dolores Spriggs, plain old housewife." "I like you, Dolores." "Come on.!" "Let's put some pizzazz into those snuggles.!" " Oh!" " Hi!" " Hi!" " Hi." "I'm Neil." " Laura Blaine." " All right, Laura." "Huh?" "Uh, Richard Blaine." "I'm with her." "Well, loosen up, guy." "Huh?" "Huh?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "Attaboy." "Now, snuggle, baby." "Snuggle." "All right." "Come on." "Go on." " Hi!" " Oh, yes" " Ooh." "Ooh." "Oh!" "I'm Nancy Hughes from Encino." "Oh, hi, Nancy." "I" " I'm Richard Blaine." "Oh, and how long have you been married, Richard?" " Oh, uh, we're actually quite new at this really." " Mmm." "Gordon Hughes." "I just hope that you two will end up as happy as we've been after 12 years." "Oh." "Thank you." "Smile, darling." "What's the matter with you?" "Come on, Laura." "You can't take this tripe seriously." "It just so happens that last night..." "I read You Can Be Better Than Okay... and it has some very good ideas in it." " Such as?" " You should read it yourself." "It might improve your attitude towards relationships." "Any relationship in particular?" "Listen, I wasn't aware that my attitude needed improvement." " What is it?" "What is it?" "What's wrong?" "What's wrong?" " Wrong?" " Yes." " Oh, the screaming." " Right." " I was just externalizing my core of pain." "I'm Maxine Gilroy." "I teach primal shriek." "Ah, Laura Blaine and, uh, Richard Blaine." "Then we can presume you were just having a healthy go at it." "Exactly." "It's the only way I can cope with the reality of leaving the spa next week." " You're leaving?" " I can't take it anymore." " Not what they're doing to this place." " Who?" "Gerald and Sonia Steinmetz, Brimsley, Henderson- all of them." "With their shallow interviews, their- their frothy books... they are prostituting the name of the most brilliant man in the world!" "Karl Freidlich." "The kindest, wisest man I ever knew." "He was so totally in touch with his feelings." "I was devastated when he died, but I vowed I'd continue his work." "And now, after eight years of sacrifice..." "I couldn't care less if this place just burned to the ground." "It's money." "It's money." "That's all they care about." "Every one of them." "The mental health of an entire nation be damned!" "Sweetheart, our sensitivity seminar." "Huh?" "Oh, yeah." "Yes, indeed." "Yes." "Ah, bless you, Maxine, for sharing that with us." "Really." "Yeah." "Prime suspect." "Primal, I'd say." "For our first exercise..." "I want you all to think only... of your mate's most wonderful... and endearing qualities- qualities that brought you together... hopefully, with our help... for a lifetime." "Now, I want you to write your mate a letter... listing those qualities one by one." "Then I want you to find... a quiet and peaceful place... to exchange those letters." " Any questions?" " Yes." "I think I'm going to need a second sheet of paper." "What if you can't remember?" "Well, it was a long time ago, Warren- when I was working to put you through med school?" "I respect you for your honesty, Dolores." "And you should too, Warren." "The secret is to relax... and try to forget all of the superficial baggage... we each carry into every relationship." "That is the whole idea behind this exercise- to get down to the nitty-gritty." " What are you doing?" " Checking the wiring." "A guest was nearly electrocuted here." "Aren't you going to show me your letter?" " Uh, Laura, I was trying to maintain our cover." " So I don't get to see it?" "It's merely a list of things that we should be investigating... like the hot tub where Gerald had his accident... the maintenance closet that burned down, Maxine, the screamer." "Really, you should get your mind back on the case and off these sophomoric exercises." "Perhaps they wouldn't seem so sophomoric if you took them more seriously." "Does this have something to do with my attitude problem again?" "You see?" "You're always hiding behind flip remarks." "I'm not hiding behind anything!" "If anyone's hiding in this relationship, it's you." " Hi there, Richard." " Hi." " Laura." "How we doing?" " Oh, just getting down to the nitty-gritty." "I don't see any letters being exchanged." " Here's my letter." " Oh, well." "You know Richard." "He's such a tease." "She's such an incurable romantic." "How truly lovely." " Yes." " Yes." "Well, I'm sure you two want to be alone." " Yes." "Good-bye now." "Bye-bye." " Yes." "Bye." "Let me have the letter." "Laura." "This isn't a list of leads." "You were doing the exercise." " Laura, I was just doodling." " This is a list of my best qualities." "Well dressed?" "Well, certainly compared to Mildred." " Frugal?" " An underestimated virtue." "That's like saying I'm kind to furry animals." "Um, I believe you'll find that's number four on the list." "I was writing down how I really feel, but you're not going to see it." "Laura, what are you doing?" "We're undercover." "Does that mean we can't explore our feelings at the same time?" "The perfect place to explore our feelings will be on a moonlit beach in Maui." "Of course." "You only want to talk about things when you've got me in a clinch." "Who said anything about talking?" "Perfect." "I'm trying to have a serious conversation, and you're making adolescent passes." " Laura, what's gotten into you?" " Our relationship has been on hold for too long." "We need to have a serious talk." "We need to shake things up a bit and see what happens." "It could have been us." "Are you all right?" "Luckily the gazebo caught a ledge on the way down." "What happened?" "When I looked in, you two were doing so well." "Obviously, the earth moved for both of us." " You could have got killed." " The thought did occur." "Well, just a freak accident, everybody." "These cliffs can be a bit unstable sometimes." "Absolutely right, Arthur." "A part of the Southern California folklore." "Along with the brushfires, the earthquakes." "Come along." "Um, I don't mean to be an alarmist, but that was no accident." "Are you sure?" "I" " I mean, we've had a lot of erosion problems." "Over here.!" "Look, the ground is soaked." "I'm not surprised." "There's enough water here to destabilize an entire hillside." "Where's it coming from?" "There's your problem right here." "Water's been blowing out of the relief valve all night long." "Ethan, we can see that." "Don't look at me." "It was fine yesterday evening when I stopped by to add some chemicals." "Course, anybody could've gotten in here." "The caretaker?" "Ethan Deerfield- been with us for years." " The panel wasn't locked?" " I didn't know it should've been." "Arthur, I thought I told you two months ago... that anything that could be tampered with should be put under lock and key." "If I'm personally to see to it that every bit of equipment is locked up... where will I find the time to teach and schedule my staff?" "Arthur, you are the associate director." "You are paid to take care of these things." "I don't care where you find the time." "Okay." "Fine." "I'll look into it right away." "I'm sure somebody else can take my next class." "Out of my way, Brimsley!" "Thank you." "I don't believe it." "Darling, what is it?" "The licensing bureau." "They know all about the landslide, in detail." "Any idea who notified them?" "They wouldn't share that with me." "All I know is our license renewal is officially on hold... until a special investigator gets here to make a report." "Thanks to that incompetent, Arthur Henderson." "Now, now, sweetheart." "Be fair." "Henderson's only human." "If somebody wants to shut us down... they'll find a way to do it no matter who's in charge." "Fools." "We were fools." "I knew we should've promoted Neil Brimsley." "Brimsley?" "Both he and Henderson were up for the post of associate director." " Ah." " Henderson was better qualified." " Seems the seeds of discontent are sprouting up in bunches." " I beg your pardon?" "Two highly intense gentlemen competing for the same job... in an industry fraught with professional jealousies is a bit" "Oh, no." "Not here at the spa." "Neil and Arthur know we could never tolerate that sort of destructive behavior." "Learning to cope is the crux of the Freidlich system." "And Maxine Gilroy?" "What's her story?" "Why didn't you tell us that she's leaving at the end of this session, hmm?" "Is that important?" "It is when she openly wants the spa to be burned to the ground." "Poor Maxine." "Fantasizing, as usual." "The clinical truth is she just can't cope with societal change." "Oh-oh." "Time to go." "I'll fill you in on Maxine on our way to your next encounter group." "And what's next on the schedule?" "Everybody's favorite- latent hostility." " Oh, shut up, Brimsley!" " Yeah, well, who is gonna make me, Henderson?" "It wouldn't surprise me if you were behind those accidents just to make me look bad." " You are deluded.!" " Well, you're psychotic." "I'll tell you- if I walk into your classroom again, you keep your hands off me!" "Oh, yeah?" "Well, you walk into my classroom... you are gonna get snuggled like everybody else." " Snuggle Up To Reality." "Give me a break." " Yeah." "Snuggle up to the best-seller list- That's all you've got on your mind." "Oh, yeah?" "Oh, yeah?" "Well, why don't you snuggle up to this!" "Go ahead!" "Hit me." "Ruin your career." "I'd love it." "You are not worth it!" " He was going to punch him." " Exactly." "Exactly?" "Good grief, man!" "Aren't you a bit upset?" " Upset?" " Mmm." "What you just witnessed was something beautiful." "What we just witnessed was almost assault and battery!" "To your layman's point of view perhaps." "What I saw were two men... honestly exploring their true feelings about each other... openly, withholding nothing." "That's what this place is all about." "Damn you, Warren!" "All those years working to put you through med school, and for what?" " Good." "Let it all out." " A slave!" "That's all you wanted!" "To keep your house and raise your kids." " The hell with any identity of my own!" " What about you?" "Always complaining." "Never there when I need you!" "Headaches every night." " Wonderful, Warren." " I hate you!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "I" "I love you." "A perfect example of how the Bataca... can be an invaluable tool... in turning bitter, bitter hostility into feeling good about each other, hmm?" "Now, who wants to be next?" " The Blaines." " Hmm?" "Now, Richard, somehow I get the feeling... that you don't buy into the Freidlich theory... that hostility is, indeed, the soul mate to intimacy." "Oh, to the contrary..." "I've often felt quite hostile towards my lovely partner here." "Then let's stop procrastinating and let's get exacerbating!" " I don't think" " Wonderful idea." "Now, I want you to tell Richard... what's going through your mind." "Okay." "Um" "I wonder why he has so much trouble... discussing our relationship." "Laura, Laura, Laura." "Now, you're going to have to get rid of those kid gloves." "Now, tell Richard exactly what it is about him... that's eating at your gut." "I don't know how he expects to advance our relationship... if he, uh, doesn't tell me how he feels." "That's an excellent point." "It's also, if you'll pardon the expression, a crock!" "Do I detect a trace of annoyance here, Richard?" "My... wife... obviously has problems dealing with reality." " Ha!" " And what is the reality?" "That I've been trying to advance this relationship for quite some time now." " Do you buy into that, Laura?" " I most certainly do not." "The only advancement he's talking about is into the bedroom." "I want more than a roll in the hay." "Oh-ho!" "I see." "So we're back to that again, are we, Laura?" "I mean, aren't you tired with all these old arguments?" "Or is it the settings that make them different?" "London, Acapulco, Cannes." " Show us how you really feel." " Shut up." "You stay out of this." "Wonderful." "Mm-hmm." "You want to talk all the time because you're afraid to do anything else." "You're the one who's afraid!" "You're afraid of being pinned down, afraid of staying in the same place!" " Oh, we're with you, Laura!" " You!" "You want to have complete control." "That's why!" "Let all that bile out, Richard." "Tell it like it really is." "You feel compelled to dominate me physically... because deep down you're intimidated by any woman who has half a brain in her head!" "Half a brain is right!" "The only half you use is for thinking!" "What about the half for feeling?" "That's the part that I'm interested in!" "The only part you're interested in is a little lower than the brain!" " That's the way, Laura!" " Give it to her, Richard." "How many more tests do I have to pass?" "How many more tiny little trials do I have to go through to show my commitment?" " You don't know the meaning of the word!" " Oh!" " This is marvelous!" " What are you talking about?" "What do you think I've been doing?" "What do you think I've been going through for the last three and a half years?" " Don't you think that's a commitment?" " A commitment needs words!" " What about deeds?" " What about words?" "You'll never be satisfied, Laura, because you're living in the past!" "I'm not your father!" "I'm not the man who left your mother!" "You leave my family out of this." "Why?" "They're the ones standing between us!" "The only one standing between us is you!" "No, it isn't!" "It's you!" "It's you and your bloody little inhibitions!" "That's what it is." "I mean, what do I have to do to get through to you?" "More than a wink and a tumble!" "You are the most ridiculous woman that I have ever met!" " Then get out of here!" "What are you waiting for?" " That's a damn good question." "Go on!" "Get out!" "I was better off without you anyway!" "You mean that, don't you?" "Of course she does." "Don't worry, Laura." "They always come back." "Do they?" "I'm sorry." " I got a bit carried away." " Mm-hmm." "When in Rome, eh?" "I didn't mean what I said." "At least I didn't mean it to come out like that." "Let's just stick to the case, shall we?" " We have to air things out between us." " I thought we just did." " Would you just look at me?" " Shh." "Shh." "Shh." " You see, there you go again." "You never want to talk!" " No, no, Laura." "Look." "Gerald and Ursula?" "Looks like there's more here than meets the id." "Huh." "Listen, Mildred, I want you to" "What?" "The living arrangements?" "They're very comfortable." "Now, look, Mildred" "Huh?" "Yes, Mildred, Mr. Blaine is with me." "No, Mildred, you're not interrupting us." "Now, get that pencil and pad ready." "I've got one more staff member I want checked out." "A caretaker by the name of Ethan Deerfield." "Right." "Right." "Police, hall of records- the works." "Uh-huh." "Thank you." "Sweet dreams to you and yours too, Mildred." "Sometimes I think Mildred would be happier working for the National Enquirer." "You still mad?" "Just concentrating on the case." "After all, we saw our client locked in an embrace with Ursula... the queen of touching and feeling." "Well, there's not much we can do about that until morning." "Listen, about this afternoon" "I suggest we get a good night's sleep." "After all, we've got a long day tomorrow." "Fine." " Good night." " Good night." "Mr. Steele?" "Ah, Gerald." "Beautiful morning for getting in touch with one's inner core, eh?" " Care to join me for a hot tub?" " Hmm?" "No, no, thanks." "The investigation." "We, uh- We might be onto something." " You've got a lead?" " I don't know." "You tell me." "Gerald, if Miss Holt and I are gonna solve this case... we're gonna have to have all the facts." "I gave you all the facts." "Including your affair with Ursula Erickson?" "Ah." "You know." "The price you pay for hiring Remington Steele Investigations." "Listen, uh, it's not what it seems." " I love Sonia, but" " But?" "Funny." "I'm a clinical psychologist with 20 years of experience... but when the shoe's on my own foot" "You and Sonia having problems?" "No." "I" " I mean, not professionally." "That's why I didn't mention it." "Our commitment to the spa is built on a bedrock of love and devotion." "As for our personal life, Sonia and I" "I haven't touched her in months." "Now with our license in jeopardy" "I want it to work, but Sonia" "It's obvious her work is more important to her than our marriage." "Ursula?" "A sweet, undemanding friend... who, unlike Sonia... understands my all-too-human frailties." " No strings attached, eh?" " Exactly." "Oh, listen, please." " Understand that's not what I want." " I do." "I want it to work with Sonia, but" "If Sonia ever left me, I don't know what I'd do." "Well, if you'll forgive me..." "I've got a lot of mellowing out to do." "Well, we're up early this morning." "Lumpy couch." "Besides, I thought it was time... we checked out this maintenance closet that burned down last month." "Mildred just called about Ethan Deerfield, the caretaker." "Oh?" "Apparently he had some brushes with the law several years ago- car theft, assault and battery... nasty little things like that." " Hmm." "Interesting." " It gets better." "Guess who owned all this acreage... before it was auctioned off to Karl Freidlich for back taxes in 1968... for a paltry $75,000?" "Ethan?" "Close." "Ethan's father." "Hmm." "With oceanfront property now at astronomical prices..." "Ethan's family would have been millionaires by now... had they been able to hold on to this land." "Hmm." "How 'bout you?" "Any luck?" "To a degree." "Have a look at this." "See this fine ash here?" "This is where the fire burned hottest... which means it started here... as opposed to the wiring, where everyone else thought." " An incendiary device?" " Nothing too complicated, mind you." "All you need is a workbench, couple of tools." "And a key to this closet." "Time to check Ethan out, wouldn't you say?" "I understand you have to pursue every lead, Miss Holt, but Ethan?" "It seems so ludicrous." "Are you aware he has a police record... which indicates a tendency toward criminal behavior?" "Well, of course I am." "But who could blame him?" "After his father lost the property, he took to drinking." "He eventually died a broken man." "Ethan was devastated." "He struck back at society the only way he could- by getting into trouble." "And today?" "Are you sure Ethan still doesn't bear you and the spa any ill will?" "Oh, totally." "The whole affair sent Gerald and I on such a guilt trip... that we offered Ethan a job at the spa." "That was eight years ago." "He's been like a son to us ever since." "You understand we have to look around just to be sure." "Anybody with direct access to the scene of all five accidents has to be a suspect." "I suppose." "It just makes me feel like such a snoop." "I don't know how you people handle it." " The only way we can-with discretion." " I appreciate that." "In the meantime, if you'll excuse me, I ought to put in a call to our lawyer... to see what legal recourse we have in case we do get shut down." " Thank you." " Mm-hmm." "Thanks." "What do you think?" "Hard to tell." "Vengeance is a powerful emotion." "Emotions seem to be the order of the day, don't they?" "A guy wire." "Hmm?" "The heater that fell over and nearly killed Gerald?" "He said no one could find the defective guy wire." "Looks like we're both onto something." "Have a look at this." "What is it?" "Along with your guy wire... our passport back to the world of the blissfully neurotic." "One shiny relief valve wheel comes off- just like the old one apparently did- saturating the soil under the gazebo, and presto!" "On goes this old chlorine-bleached one... that we found hidden away in Ethan's toolbox." "The relief valve wheel, the guy wire- has to be Ethan." " But" " No buts, Laura." "For once, let's have a simple, open-and-shut investigation." "But if Ethan's motive is vengeance... why now, after all this time?" "Hamlet." "Laurence Olivier, Jean Simmons." "J. Arthur Rank, 1948." "A son sworn to avenge his father suddenly explodes like a time bomb." "Somebody's still inside!" "By the water heater!" "Somebody call the fire department!" "It looks like we found our man." "Dead to rights." "Looks like Ethan was trying to bypass the automatic cutoff sensor." "It certainly tracks." "Ethan, driven by a perverted sense of vengeance... was setting up another accident when it backfired on him... figuratively and literally." "Unless Ethan was lured into the sauna... perhaps under a false pretext." " What are you talking about?" " Well, look for yourself." "I mean, what self-respecting handyman would tackle a coupling nut without his toolbox?" "Or at least a wrench anyway." "But if it wasn't Ethan... who else could possibly want to close down the spa?" "Which brings us full circle... right back to Brimsley, doesn't it?" "A man so obsessed by his own jealousy... that he'll stop at nothing to destroy his nemesis, Arthur Henderson." "A rather distant long shot, wouldn't you say, Mr. Steele?" "Oh." "Well, the question is... who would profit by putting the spa out of business?" "Gerald and Sonia could benefit by selling off the property, but" "Wrong." "I'm sorry." "I have a terrible habit of free-associating." "No, no, Maxine." "Please, go on." "It's just that Sonia and Gerald couldn't make a nickel off this place... even if they wanted to, thank God." " Why not?" " Because Karl Freidlich was too smart for them." "In his will, he formed a trust to operate the spa for eternity." "Sonia's allowed to run this place, but she can't sell it." "Ah." "The good Dr. Freidlich's last grasp at immortality." " Very clever." " Clever?" "No, Mr. Blaine." "Just warm, human, decent... with a burning desire to make this world a better place." "If he only knew what they were doing to his weltanschauung" "Oh!" "Why does that woman make the thought of screaming seem so appealing?" "Mr. Steele, I just had a consciousness-raising experience." "Oh, good Lord." "You've gone over too." " You're beginning to sound like the rest of them." " How 'bout, "I got it"?" "Hello." " Good news." " What?" " Mr. Steele and I just spoke with the state licensing board." " The licensing board?" "We thought it imperative that they know the facts about Ethan... so we intervened on your behalf with the help of one of our clients in Sacramento." " Well, yes." "What's the good news?" " Simple and to the point." "The Sensitivity Spa is off the hook now that we have certified... that Ethan was the lone culprit responsible for all the accidents." "Do you mean that our license will be renewed?" "As of this moment, you are back in business." " I don't believe it." " Yahoo!" "Oh, the spirit of Karl Freidlich lives!" "It's too good to believe." "Well, I better get back to my packing." "Oh." "Go take your soak." " How 'bout coming with me?" " I'll be here when you get back." "Ah, that's far enough, thank you!" "Hello, Sonia." "Lovely evening to soak away one's cares, eh?" "Steady." "Steady." "No!" "You're dead!" "I saw you die!" "Look again, Sonia." "Gerald was kind enough to trade robes with me to confirm our suspicions." "Why, Sonia?" "Why?" "Because I'm sick of being sensitive!" "I'm sick of you... and sick of being trapped here with a bunch of middle-class yuppies... who have nothing better to do with their money than come here and listen to you babble!" "But our work?" "Your work, Gerald, not mine." "Six months ago, in Cleveland... while we were waiting to make yet another... local television appearance... it suddenly occurred to me that I had spent my entire life... trying to help other people." "Well, I decided it was time to help myself." "But all the love and care that went into You Can Be Better Than Okay." "Wise up, Gerald." "When you're sitting on land worth $6.5 million... and you can't do anything about it... you're worse than okay." "They're finally through with their questioning." "Poor Gerald." "I can't believe it." " It doesn't make any sense." " How could Sonia do it?" "Save The Tiger." "Jack Lemmon, Jack Gilford." "Paramount, 1972." "A factory owner, trapped in a losing business venture... decides the only way out is arson, thus profiting from the insurance money." "Only in Sonia's case, it was a matter of inducing the state licensing board... to close down the spa... so that the conditions of Karl Freidlich's trust would no longer apply- even if it meant murdering her own husband." "According to a loophole in Freidlich's will... if the spa went out of business, Sonia inherited the land to do with as she pleased." "What about Ethan?" "Ah, yes, Ethan, Sonia's partner in crime." " Partner?" " Ex-partner actually." "Sonia, playing on his bitterness... offered him a cool quarter mil from the proceeds of the land sale... if he did all the dirty work." "Unfortunately for Ethan, though... he decided he had enough on Sonia to insist on a 50-50 split." "So Sonia lured him into the sauna and triggered the explosion..." " making it look like an accident." " Mm-hmm." "And very cleverly planted incriminating evidence in Ethan's cabin... for our benefit, of course." "Thereby taking her off the hook forever... leaving her free to join the ranks of the idle rich." "Poor Gerald." "To be married to such a diabolical woman." "Hmm." "If only she had snuggled more." "Well, Neil, what can I say, mate?" "Keep up the good work." "Who knows?" "Someday you may be running this place." "Well, thank you." "In the meantime, of course, Arthur here will be executive director... busy traveling up and down the country... hobnobbing with Jane Pauley, Merv Griffin." "Meanwhile, the rest of the staff will be getting back... to the unsullied simplicity of the Freidlich system, eh, Maxine?" "That's right." "Now I can stay here and carry on Karl's work." "Mmm." " Bye, Snuggles." " Come along, Mr. Steele." "Ah." "Was it necessary to stir them up like that?" "Well, a man's gotta have a little fun in life, Laura." "Strange." "In some ways, I'll be sorry to leave." " You are?" " Yeah." "You know, we could always delay a couple of hours... still be back in time for lunch." "Yes." "It does seem silly to rush back." "Yeah." "Let's." "So... where are we?" "See?" "I'm talking again." "This time, I'm the one who doesn't have anything to say." "Were you really better off before you met me?" "Hmm?" "No." "Life was easier though." "Less interesting, but easier." "Yeah." "I know what you mean." "Before..." "I didn't know where I'd be the next day or with whom." "It didn't really matter though." "I always liked it like that." "But then it all changed the day I met you." "Changed for the better?" "Oh, I don't know." "Sometimes I've wondered about that." "But... here we are." "Yes." "Uh, Laura..." "I know we both want" "Whatever it is that we have between us, we want it to go forward." "I think you're right." "So" "So how do we get there?" "Well, words don't come easy to me." "Well, apparently not the ones you need to hear anyway." "Well, it's hard to be a man of mystery... if you give all your secrets away." "Where I come from, I learned to read people by what they did... not by what they said." "There were too many traps in that." "I understand." "Listen, um..." "I took a stab at revising my letter." "Remember the one where I had to put down your most endearing qualities?" "Well, uh" "Here it is." "Well, it's a beginning anyway." "Hey?"