"Zsofi, my girlfriend said once that she hit a garage door with a motorbike from two meter and she has seen her life so quickly that she had only seen the nursery." " Which seat?" " Four." "But why don't we seat somewhere else?" "Because the ticket says so." " But the whole room is empty!" " Still yes..." "And when they come, they ask for the ticket  but I'm calm, because this says so." "And when they light my eyes with their flash... then my... my nerv hits..." " No shit, really?" " Nooo..." "I've just seen in his eyes, that he was about to say... to ask... you know." "Then I'll be full tense and the whole movie is fucked up..." " No?" " Yes." "See?" "He says the same." "What is this movie?" "The half past six." "Oh, fuck it, they always take away the subtitles so quicky!" "Not quickly, I don't think so." "No?" "No?" "Ok, then what was written there?" "I don't know, I haven't seen, but it must have been like" ""20 years after" or "CIA headquarter PM 6:22" That's it." "Written by Gergely Litkai" "I was born in 1976 at Budapest." "I had a happy childhood." "I was taken to every interesting place, but I don't remember any of those at all." "At 8 month old I'd been to East Germany, and I'd seen the Frohnauer Hammer, an ancient german steam hammer." "My parents raised me to be a useful member of the society." "So at nursery carnivals I was cowboy, wizard and ant." "The ant sucked." "Maybe hard-working and all, but not the best choice for carnivals." "1986." "Right after my First Communion," "I was enrolled by the 1024th pioneer squad named after Éva Kállai." " What happened on religion class?" " Father Laci sent me out." "I asked what happened to the fishes at the time of Noe." "Did they bring them in aquarium or what?" "What is the difference between the 12 points of the pioneers and the ten commandments?" "My dad says you can hate nature according to the commandments and you can kill anyone by the 12 points, just don't mess with flowers." "Do you think pioneers' heaven exists?" "To go to if you live by the 12 points?" "Well... if pioneer railroads do exist next to the normal railroads, then must be." "Aren't you bothered by the white socks?" "My dad said only peasants wear white socks." "My dad wears them even with slippers." "Have you confessed everything before the First Communion?" "Only what I had a bad grade at school." "The rest is not known even by my parents." " Using a blowgun is a sin?" " I don't know." "Maybe it's adultery." "Or so." " What grade you have for your neck-chetsnut?" " Very bad." "Too narrow for my necktie." "I asked my dad to make it, but he said I should learn to make a knot." "When he was young, he could tie 12 different knots." "But now children are so dumb, they need a neck-chestnut." " My dad made it for me." "Awesome!" " You have a cool dad." " Do you want to be a pioneer?" " It's not about wanting." "It's about earning." "But everybody has to be pioneer, because everybody earns it." "Our class has 33 children. 33 diploma was ordered from my mother's printingpress." "The difference between pioneer oath and first communion is you can put on black socks for the first communion but you don't have to confess before the pioneer oath." "Mates!" "The oath is a serious thing." "I'm asking members of the choir, because you are already pioneers to take off your tie and then put it on again with the help of the neck-chestnut." "This tie is a symbolic tie." "Sign of advanced trust in you." "You will be real pioneer after the oath!" "I'm asking you particularly to help the comrade major with the speech, because he hasn't had any pioneer opening yet." "Forward!" "Mates!" "Attention!" "Dear Mates!" "As the song says:" "in summer sun, in winter wind, in snow and dew, the pioneer's mood is always good!" "It happened to be the same among the members of the Warsaw Pact, where we stand on the boat." "Always watching for each other, our comarades, their people's army in the peace fight." "Peace camp is like a big pioneer camp." "We are all international mates, fighting against imperialism." "Mates!" "Let's make an oath!" "Say with me:" "I, major Béla Kovács swear" "I, major Béla Kovács swear" "Say your names, mates!" "Say your names, mates!" "But not mine!" "But not mine!" "I will be faithful!" "Only Akos said his name correctly, but he added "major", so he got a teacher warning." "Now I'm asking the mates and choir members, to take off the tie," "and because the opening soldier comareds had to leave for duty, so self-inauguration will happen." "I hope you were talking about this or practiced at the patrol activities." "Mates!" "And now comes the inauguration!" "Members of the Nr. 1024 Éva Kállai pioneer group!" "Attention!" "Flag from the right!" "Eyes right!" "Perpare for self-inauguration!" "Self-inauguration!" "So I became member of a soon forgotten organization, proven by the fact that they already held a teenage pop camp in Agárd in 2004." " Hey, have you been pioneer?" " Yes, liable for sport." " I was the singer." " Singer?" "That's sad." "Our opening patrol assembly was held in the technical classrom, where we learnt how to make items, that we never going to use in our life." "E.g. periscope, corn-cob flower for Mother's Day, or sailboat." "Dear mates!" "As you all know, in the squad we found three patrols." "Task of the leadermates of these patrols is to suggest name for the patrols." "First I'm asking the leader of the patrol formed by the middle seats." "What's your suggetion?" "Mickey Mouse." " Mickey Mouse?" " Mickey Mouse." "Or in english Mickey Mouse!" "Gergely mate..." "Don't you know by the way the word 'patrol' in english?" "Never mind." "The point is, that name is not possible." "But why not?" "Because Mickey Mouse is imperialist." " What does it mean?" " That you cannot name a patrol after him." "He's on my pen box that my mother bought in the paper store." "That's it!" "The pen box and the patrol are two different categories!" "The patrol is a serious thing, a movement!" " And Pluto the dog?" " Not by any means!" "You cannot process the life of a cartoon hero as seriously as for example the life of mate Endre Sagvari." "Who was executed by the fasicts..." "and we cannot visit his birthplace either!" "Like Mate Zalka's at Tunyogmatolcs." "Yes, we can!" "In Disneyland!" "And we could travel there from the classmoney." "We don't spend it anyway..." "And the gifts for the Teacher's Day?" "If you are so interested in America, then choose the name Fidel Castro." "He is a real american, who you can respect in the Peace camp." "We can respect Mickey Mouse too." "The life of Mickey Mouse has no valid message for the pioneers, like Vuk or Bela Kun." "Moreover the role of Mickey Mouse in the movement is negligible." "And then we couldn't create exchange-connections with other Endre Sagvari or Mate Zalka patrols." "To celebrate the Day of People's Army with obstacle race!" "Not to mention mates..." "how would your patrol's flag look like if Mickey Mouse would be burn above the flame of the pioneers?" "Which is the never dying lampion of the socialism?" " That's it!" " His father is a Party Secretary!" " Who was that?" " His father." "He is Party Secretary." "Bring me your gradebook, son!" "This is a serious and responsible decision!" "And if we cannot decide, I will have to raise it into group level." "Well..." "My suggestions are related to the heat of the dispute:" "Vuk, Endre Sagvari and Fidel Castro." "Let's vote, mates!" "And Mickey Mouse?" "We talked about Mickey Mouse also!" "Bring me your gradebook too!" "Democracy is not a pub, so you could just yell!" "Remember this well!" " Then I will abstain." " Yes?" "Only if your gradebook is here on the desk!" "Let's vote finally!" "Who wants Endre Sagvari?" "And who a school warning?" "So we became patrol named after Endre Sagvari." "We got to camping with the pioneer movement, where we could be close to the nature, and outdoor activites of the Movement." "Forward mates!" "I'm Laci, your young leader." "You are very welcome here, in the pioneer camp of the district council." "I hope you will feel good, as a lot of adventure, excitement and memory awaits you." "Today we are going to play the fruit game." "The rules are very simple." "Every young leader is a fruit." "You come to me and ask:" "Are you the apple?" "This is just an example, I'm not the apple." "And then you come to me again and ask:" "are you the pear?" "And who knows first which young leader is which fruit, will be the winner." "Easy, right?" "And you can learn a lot from this game!" " This is awesome!" " In the horsecamp we didn't have this last year." " What will you be?" " Maracuja." "Fuck, you are tough!" " Apple?" " I've told you it was only for an example." " So no apple?" " Pistacia?" " Forest taker!" " Forest taker is not a fruit!" " Then punch!" "Kids!" "A little more seriously!" " The game is not a game." " So shall I tell you?" "Tell..." "Maracuja." "Isn't it a long tailed animal living in South-America?" "No, that's a stadium in Brazil!" "I think it is an argentin football player." "Of course, it can be a fruit too." "A new fruit!" "Named after a stadium!" "Fruit game was the beginning of our relationship with Zsofi." "I think Zsofi was the best chick in the camp... from all who had glasses." "Somtimes you should hold it above the bread." "Zsofi had the largest backpack." "The yellowest tracksuit." "And when she wore shirt in a big wind, you could find out where are her tits." "Back then... of course I wasn't really the best date guy." "Do you want me to throw a spray into the fire?" "And I can curse in german, I've learnt it in the GDR." "Scheisse!" "I have the new Republic album!" "The one with the whale." "On casette." "We listen to it at Norbi's place, because I haven't got walkman for my birthday." "They said I will get a Commodore for Christmas." " I have a walkman!" "Do you want to listen to it?" " Ok." ""... this is a command, orange is from southland, more more more more more, we want more..."" " Do you sing?" " No, but I play in a brass band." "At the year-end ceremony everyone was sitting when we played the Anthem." "They didn't recognized it." "But the parents gave an applause in at the end." " It's good to chat with you." " Thanks." "With you too." " Do you wear glasses too?" " What do you think?" "But the doctor said I will outgrow it by my fifties." "She said to me too." "But I was attending an eye-fitness." " "Throw away your glasses" training." " Cool." "It's very easy to throw." "But to find it in the end of the class..." " Can you hear it?" " I think mine is silent." "After this we were together all the time." "For example when we had to scare the older class at the courage test." " Aren't you afraid?" " I am." "I'm too, but I've read in a magazine the point is to overcome your fear." "Fuck, don't mess with me!" "There's someone!" "Must be the older class!" " We count to three and then run, okay?" " Ok." "One-Two-Three, go!" "Now we got you!" "Of course next day the man has reported us." "He was not right." "He made a false testament." "I'm 95 percent disabled." "I have 5 percent living inside me." "I can only move with my bicycle." "And then some satanists attack me!" "They want to rape me." "We shouldn't let people to come here from Pest." "Where normal people live..." "Let them stay home." "But our blooming romance was ruined by another event." " Stop!" "Who are you?" " Your shift." "And what is the password?" " Torch?" " No." " And then what?" " What then what?" " What if not torch?" " Then you are not the shift." "Then who?" "Not the shift, but someone who I have to report to the camp leader." "And then you think I would come here and I would say I am the shift?" " Anyway, the password is torch." " No." "And what if you're not the guard?" "You knocked him and just stood here." " Out of question!" " Why?" " Because I know the right password." " Which is...?" "Porch." "And now I know that too." "Porch." "You can go to sleep." "But I've told you!" "But you said it wrong, because the right is torch!" "Don't push me, I'm a guard!" "Now I am the guard and you cannot be here!" "I'm the boy with the glasses who can fight!" "And I will rip off your ear!" "Don't bite you bastard!" "Naturally we could travel home next day." "And the password was scorch." "What a stupid password... scorch!" "I don't even know what it means." "Well, you know..." "what slavedrivers use." "When they want the slaves to work harder." " Isn't it when they are burnt?" " The slavedrivers?" "Why would they be burnt?" "And then came the graduation." "In narrow corridors, like a living tombstone covered in flowers, among the parents who fight like an Elvis concert crowd, we were doing the locomotion while singing songs." "The driver was Jozsika, because he failed the most classes." "In the gymline he was ninth, later third, after then first." "Putting him into the driver role was a premature decision." "As he was truant, his knowledge of school was limited to the buffet and the more important rooms." "Those routes were rather not related to the graduation path." "Finally Jozsika graduated through the window of the dressing room, but later he failed both his late-exams." "Next year he was really the tallest in the gymline." "Then I went to the secondary grammar school." "Four years working, only to make fool of yourself at the prom." "It was the most shameful moment of my life." "Luckily thanks to my mother, there is no evidence in the family archive." " Have you overwritten the child's prom?" "!" " This casette was at hand." "And you know how long I've wanted to record it." "But you said not to take pictures, the video will be enough..." "Poor kid was preparing for half a year..." "and you..." "You record this grey hair slime machine!" "Nah, I haven't said that!" "You didn't want pictures!" "And you'd be happy to have grey hair..." "like Richard Gere!" "I had to dance a bavarian beerdance with my disco trained limbs." "Although I can scream "Santa Maria" while stepping two steps back and forth, even combine it," "I felt bavarian rhythm are far from me." "Hey, look..." "I think that guy is this, who's sitting here." "I have never seen him in any movie before." "I say he is!" "But he's not eightteen for sure." "Who doesn't give a shit?" "It's like that..." "Even in children theatre, 40 years old women play 12 years old roles." "And I'm a total wreck, because my shirt is not perky, like Pinocchio!" "'Cuse me!" "You're standing on the other side!" " Yes, I can see." " And?" "I think they stand on the wrong side." "So only you have understood well?" " Am I not right?" " I don't know." "You have the lead." " Shall we go there?" " I think we should, they stand there." "The spinning..." "The beerdance contained a lot of strange elements, but the strangest was the tiptoeing and jumping with beer mugs." "It was like a bavarian human sacrifice, presented by disabled christian politicians on the Octoberfest." "And there was even a special move, when we had to pull the girls between our legs from behind." "It looked even more weird on the premier." "No need for pictures, it's enough if you make a video." " It will contain all." " Are you sure?" "Aunty Margit!" "The dance will be very nice!" "When did you see the kid last time?" "When he was four months old." "He was really handsome." "He's very cute now too." "I can hear, Aranka." "Uncle Bandi is the deaf." "I have only high sugar." "If I put these on, I'll look like a dwarf after a steroid-course." "It was accessory on the Bavarian Festival at Budaörs." "Original leather." "But it wasn't in a porn movie, was it?" "Because I won't put it on!" "Excuse me, Uncle Bandi!" "I thought you can hear, that's why I was talking normally." "Well, but you could have given me some cookies." "Margit is with the high sugar." "Jesus Christ!" "They are german class, that's why the suit." "Which one?" "The blond?" "No!" "He is a boy!" "Gergo!" "One flaw of the choreography turned out, when we realized we only practiced the dance with empty jars." "After the quick movements some piccolo beer poured on the ground." "The other problem was that girls got more momentum than we could handle." "That was rough!" "I cannot imagine any worse." "I was puking at the waltz." "Hey!" "And what about my next twelve years?" "It's on its way into the machine, my sir!" "Patience!" "After the prom came university." "If you haven't succeed earlier, here you could learn to drink as a pro  and meet people, who you can refer to as a professional drinking buddy." "Zsofi, my girlfriend was in the countryside, because drinks were cheaper there." "We had small hunter, big hunter, fröccs, housekeeper, raspberry fröccs, bulk wine, tablet wine, quality and quantity, from bottle, from can, economic and twelve years old, fake vodka orange and lager with straw." "In the newbies camp, the newbies prom, during the year, among the exams, in the weekdays, in festivals, on concerts, in alternative theaters, in house partys." "And when the university ended, we attended for second diploma at once." "We were drinking until the movie broke." "Fuck, it's closed." "I would have told you, if you ask." " Do you have to take a leak?" " And if I do?" "Throw the yellow into the glass." "You can put the same amount as you drank." "This is physics, no?" "The communicating vessels..." "I know this stuff!" "Oh, once I tried this on the Superman, I had to use the glass." "Else I got confused on the movie, hm?" " Fuck!" "I drank from yours too!" " Na!" "You had it coming!" "Yours is never enough, you always want the other's!" "Yeah?" "I'm almost ready." "Do you want a summary from the pervious parts?" "No, please, don't, not that!" "Nah, come on!" "A second, I put on the wrong movie." "I've got the right one!" "Hey!" "It's like I would kick the cashier..." "Only security guards cannot make mistakes?" "Everyone else can?" "Where this leads the country..." "Hm?" "THE WATER METER" "If first step of independent life is the independent apartment, then the real manhood ceremony is the house assembly." "Main point of the assembly is to get the maximal power with minimal ownership." "I'm pronouncing the decision:" "assembly of the house chose with one voice Mr. Lajos Arendas for chairman." "I'm abstaining, please put it into the record." " I have seen it, Mr. Balogh." " Thank you." "I've told you not to accept the chairmanship, Lajos!" "Stay put, it was only an abstaining." "And please don't disturb, I'm counting." " You do this all the time when you are 'chairmaning'!" " Leave me be, Gitta!" "Please, I'm counting!" "I'm sweating with this shitty ownership for 20 minutes..." "Hmm." "Let's vote about a procedural question." "Who is beside to wait for Albreiters until they get the children from the nursery?" "I am against, please put it into the records." " I have seen this too, Mr. Balogh." " I thank you this too." "Then I'm pronouncing the decision:" "With 12345/15000 votes we accept that we wait for Albreiters" " ... until they get the children from the nursery." " I'm here!" "Thank you!" "Now I'm giving the word to Dr. Breslauer aunty, who wants to comment the first point of our agenda which is already accepted." "Dear housemates and Baloghs." "Social justice requires us to measure the water consumption with water meter." "Although we cannot bath twice in the same water, but with the logic of the flat rate water the dear housemates and Baloghs use the same 1000 litres bathtube during all the month." "That's why I'm suggesting to setup an individual water meter for everyone until this year 31 of November." "Isn't November 30 days long?" "We cannot derail from the decision, dear housemate." "And I haven't given the word to you either!" "Because I won't pay for the Baloghs' washing machine is working 23 hours per day, like a sport." "Even my ceiling is rotten because they always leaking..." "Please put it into the records that I'm demanding Dr. Breslauer aunty not to be personal." "We don't do it when she's stealing from our mailbox the reklam folder for cat litter." " Don't lie, Balogh!" " Excuse me, I don't lie!" " Let's vote then!" " Good." "If I leave now, we'll have a tie, so let her apologize from me." " You're lying anyway!" " I don't lie!" " Shame on you!" "Calm down, please, be quiet!" "None of his words are true!" "That's why we buy the pricey ham, because we don't know where are the discounted ones!" "The assembly finally accepted the water meter with 11345/15000 votes." "And of course we cannot accept any complaints after leaving the booth." "I looked up the plumber in an ad-magazine, which is considered to be the throbbing artery of the district." "He was the only one adverting himself only in plumbing." "Didn't share his knowledge among gas, heating or other professions, lived only for water." "I believed in him from the first moment." "He appointed the first meeting to be at 2pm." "Like every handyman, probably he hated also the hired slaves like me, who are working from 9 to 6." " Hallo?" " Good afternoon, this is the plumber." "I'm at the gate but I will arrive only at four." "But why are you calling?" "Hallo?" "Why is he calling now?" " Yes?" " Hallo, this is the plumber." "We've just talked on the phone." "I'm opening." " Respect Mr. Boss!" " Good afternoon, Master!" " Where have you been so far?" " Where?" "Where?" "!" "I have a shitty day..." "Previous job was longer, traffic jam - the whole city is under construction." "You know, I came with a metro substitute-substitue bus." " But, I'm here, what's the matter, water meter?" " Water meter, I will show you..." "Water meter, hm?" "Sure, water meter." "They all think I come out and the water meter hopp, jumps to its place." "But you have to install it, boss..." " Do you know what is a strang?" " No..." "No?" "I thought so." "Strang is a very serious thing, boss." "The strang needs to be replaced!" "You know?" "I can tell you have tiles." "What a shitty job, my god!" "I'm sure you don't know:" "tiles are the death of the waterman." "He has to defeat them." "You know?" "Okay!" "Sure!" "Sure!" "I can put it here to the sink, as you mentioned in the phone." "Ah, but then you wouldn't get authorized meter result, boss!" "So we have to put it to the strang." "And if it comes behind the bathtub, we have to work it out, you know?" "And that's a different situation." "And how much this will be then?" "Boss, I tell you: if you don't mind the time, then you will mind the money." "But luckily I have a group, which I can thank to Trianon, you know?" "Because I have patriot feeling, boss!" "And then how much it will be?" "If we wouldn't have Trianon I say to you 300 thousand without receipt, but now I can tell you 200 thousand without material, but with human work!" "Excellent human work, so it will be quick." "Ah, boss!" "God save us, but if someone asks what is this all about, then you have to say your relatives are here from the countryside to help..." "Boss, boss!" "Don't worry!" "Listen!" "I assure you they are fine!" "If there hadn't been Trianon, then every second tile would go to the wall of the tax company!" "Jerk it, they have enough tiles..." "Alright, and when can you start?" "Just a second, I check my notes, let's see..." "We are really full, boss..." "We cannot start it before... tomorrow morning." " That's perfectly good." " So, we discussed everything." "Okay, one thing." "I don't want to offend you or anything..." "Tell me, boss, I have no time..." "We are so full..." "Yes, sure..." "some written paper thingy or similar..." " Just to be... you know.." " Sure, of course." "Right settlement is the basis of good friendship." "Here we go." "200 thousand without material  if all goes well." "Here it is." " Hallo?" " Hallo!" "We are here!" " Who we?" " What who we?" "The waterman and the boys!" " Man, it's half past six!" " I know!" "I wanted to keep them together, 'cause they all start to drink or you want me to let them go or what?" " God save me!" " We start it boss and it's ready in a jiffy!" "Nah, come boys!" "Who are they?" "Aron, Laszlo, Mozes." "And he is Mr. Waterman." "Kiss to your hands, you can call me Waterman." "Boss, if you don't mind for a moment..." " So, we have a little problem." " Yes?" "We need a gasman." "We have to move the boiler." "But.. boss, boss!" "I have an excellent collegue, in the business for 20 years." "Never a complaint against him!" "For 50 thousand he will move it so that you wouldn't even notice he did it." "Boss, we pick off the tiles, you just go to work, in the evening when you come back, it will be like new." "The whole." " Oh, boss!" "Close the room doors if you have drink inside." "You know..." " Ah, sure..." " Are you insane?" " Why?" "What's the problem now?" "Where did you get these people?" "If I became Sarah Connor, I'd imagine Terminator like them." "They are very good professionals." "I can tell!" "Sure, that's why you gave your purse to the guy in the shop." "He wanted to write." "He needed something to write on." "He just never gave it back." "He forgot to give it back." "At least I would say so..." "Yes it's me, good aftern-..." "Accident?" "Who?" "I don't have a cousin." "Doesn't speak hungarian?" "Sure, okay." "I'm coming, right now." "Anything we asked he only kept telling your name and "un-cle"." "He's in a pretty bad shape." "But maybe we will know more tomorrow." "But how did you know my number?" "This man gave us here, on the bench." "He brought him in." " Besides, he could use some treatment too..." " Boss!" "Boss!" "I'm here!" " Don't yell, this is a hospital!" " I know it's a hospital..." " Are you drinking?" "Of course not, just now, because of the shock, the nerves..." " What shock?" " What shock what shock?" "!" "Mozes hit the wire, boss." "He's a great kid." "Excellent professional, but he didn't think that the wire is without a Bergmann tube." "The ambulance said, he will hold the gouge forever in his hand." "Luckily he didn't understand it." "Boss, I have to tell you something." "The thing is..." "Mozes is not hungarian." "You know I have a european view:" "let all the nation come, come!" "Come, but know your work." "Don't yell!" "Alright, I'm just saying..." "Know your work if you come here." "And he did." "Understood well, but not me." "That was the problem." "I told him:" "Adrian, look at me, Adrian!" "Turn off that fucking light, when you grave." "He didn't understand, the poor bastard." "That's the thing, boss." "But tomorrow, when the gasman comes, connects everything, after that the boys finish the walls." "Maximum one day delay!" "Maximum one day, you know?" "Ah, boss, and if you have to piss..." "Do it here, because we had to remove the toilet, because we couldn't grave the wall." "Easy!" "Easy, boss!" "We can put it back, like new." "I'm not saying it's flawless, because the paint came off, but at least now it looks like a real pottery." "What's up boss, any problem?" " Sir!" " Yes?" "Ah." "Sir!" "I'm afraid I have bad news." "Just go, boss, I will wait here." "Trouble over trouble, my goodness..." "Alright gentlemen, job is over." "You can go home." "Hello!" "Hello!" "Go home!" "I don't understand." "I don't understand!" "Gasman!" "Jesus..." "What's the problem, boss?" "Good morning!" "I guess you came for the boiler." "It should be moved." "Boiler!" "To move the boiler." "I need my toolbox." "The son of a bitch..." "I left it home in the big hurry." "No problem, I run home quickly..." "Where are my car keys?" "Boss, haven't you seen my car keys?" " I cannot find my car keys!" " Isn't that?" "Oh, my good boss!" "You gave back the keys to my car!" "How can I thank..." "My arm!" "Hey, don't sleep now!" "I'm going then, okay?" " Are you sure you can drive like this?" " Sure, yes." "I came with a car here." "Just a jiffy, 40 minutes." " Second is the ring, first is the light!" " Second is the ring, first is the light!" " I remember everything!" " Alright, take care, take care!" "I'm alright, I'm alright boss!" "Why am I cursed with these people?" "Here we go!" "Good morning!" "A gift!" "Thigh and butt muscle strengthener." "Can fit under the couch." "And thank you again, you saved my life!" "Thank you very much." "I'm serious, the AD tells the truth." " I was keeping it under the couch." " Thank you." "Zsofi!" "Zsofi!" " What's up?" "I'm tired." " Almost seven." "Look, the gasman brought a thigh and butt muscle strengthener." "Okay, okay, we can put it under the couch." " We don't even have a couch." " Shall we buy one?" "Give me peace!" "I was devastated." "The trojan horse was already inside and they were coming out from it, and they opened the gates, I tried everything." "Laci, I'm calling, because I know you had some renovation lately." "And do you know a trusty gasman?" "He uninstalled the radiators?" "He took the home theatre with the wedding videos?" "Good heavens!" "Ok, thanks, thanks." "Hello, a moment!" "You can come, boss!" "So, what's up, boss?" "Ah, boss, this gasman is a bangler." "I don't know who recommended him, but he's a jerk." "This is a jerk, boss!" "We go out with the boys, only for a minute." "Really, only for a minute!" "By the time we come back, oops, the boiler is gone, and the gas is on the other wall." "I thought I shit myself right there!" "These kind should be one-armed." "Like in Saudi-Arabia the wifes or what..." " Like they said it on the Discovery or where." " And now what?" "What, my sweet boss!" "We do everything as you wish!" "Everything will be as new, boss!" " But why 'as'?" " What?" "Why 'as'?" "Why not will be new?" "!" "Easy, boss!" "This is only an expression, you know?" " I do." " So." "Ah, I will install this." "What the fuck is his problem here?" "Everybody's got crazy here..." "They usually ring this time." "Maybe it's broken." "Or they will never come back?" "They have seen all the show on Discovery, why would they come back?" "Unless they want our organs." "Told you..." "I'm preparing my liver, ok?" "Here you are." "Don't forget to check both of your kidneys..." " Good morning..." " Respect!" "So boss?" "Today we put back the bath, the toilet, the tiles and the song's over." "Boss, the boys are really eager to prove!" "They want you to be proud of them." "And I want you to remember us forever." "Ah, boss, if not had been for this gay gasman, we'd have been ready by yesterday." "What's wrong, boss?" " Nothing." " Oh, then it's okay." "Ah, what a vinegarfella." "His father's dick, he cannot be glad for anything!" " Hallo?" " Good afternoon." "Here dr." "Kovacs, house-representative." "Ah, good afternoon!" "I don't want to disturb, but I have to ask you to come home as soon as you can." "I wouldn't go into details on the phone, but the case..." " ...concerns of national security." " I see." "You only think you do." "I understood who I am facing." "They were an Al-Kaida cell, working independently from the core and they made their training camp in our home." "Why were they watching Discovery and what is the thigh and butt excerciser?" "I got the whole picture." "I was waited by dr." "Kovacs and two men in suit." "One of the was talking and the other is who only stands beside all the time." " National Security." " Good afternoon." "I guess I don't have to introduce myself as you already know everything." "My dear sir!" "Is your resident home here on first floor, door four?" "Yes, yes." "Yes." "But I hope you won't use truth serum!" "Are you aware of, that your..." "your supposedly known as bathroom window... was used for throwing out stool wrapped in newspaper to the next building, the National Security Office?" "All in all, twelve times, four of which occasions the package landed in the common room, known as canteen?" "And as a result, the office needed sterilization many times?" "I didn't even know we are neighbours." "We had no intention to share this information." " So did you know any of these events?" " No, no, of course not!" "Oh my god!" "The movement and impact was recorded by five security cameras." "Would you like to watch these recordings?" "You'd rather not." "Very serious." "Then rather not." "Thank you." " So do you admit?" " I do." "Then we will write a formal letter." "Would you like the cassette?" " No, no, thank you." " See you in the court." "Bye." "The waterman denied everything naturally." "What shit?" "If we dung onto the newspaper?" "Don't make me crazy?" "!" " But there was no toilet!" " Boss, if I didn't like your face, we'd pack and go!" "Do you know what kind of internal combustion these guys have?" "He swore for a box of beer, that none of those things have happaned." "I gave up the fight at this point." "I only trusted that the tiles will cover the tremendous demolition." "On the sixth day, they finished the tiles." "Water was flowing." "Very cold and not so cold." "Negotiations started about the enterpreneur cost." "Don't make me crazy, boss!" "We even lost a man!" "Extra cost because of the gasman!" "We took out the toilet!" "Why are you doing this, boss?" "!" "But I finished the bargain quickly." "Listen to me!" "We agreed on 200!" "I gave you 250!" "I have no more." "No more!" "Get away before I do something harsh!" "Boss..." "Boss, I want to leave with friendship, you know?" "In the end, I let him." "Not like I was scared, but he held a metal object." "So..." "It was a pleasure, boss!" "Any problem, just call me!" "I think the kitchen needs some renovation too..." "Get away with your chisel, combhead!" "You see, fuck?" "The door wasn't even closed and you pissed all over the place!" "Isn't it opens to the outside?" "Hey!" "Would be nice already to find the right roll!" "Jah!" "And somebody could tell us, why do we have to see this move?" "I don't know, I don't know anything!" "I am in the deepest shit!" "It is my life on the display!" "This doesn't mean too much good." "Comes a car, hit me and then cinema..." "Well, bro, you really sucked this..." "Hit by a car..." "and to watch this shitty movie..." "Because at least we watch it instead of duty." "Not free!" "You know?" "DRIVING LESSONS" "DRIVING LESSONS for olders and experts" "These days every stupid can get a licence." "Maybe, but I have a phobia." "Once I got lost in the practice park, where you can only go around." "But a man has to know how to drive, no?" "You're saying this..." "When you keep your cookbooks among the sci-fi novels?" "Manhood is not about these!" "Like those metrosexual guys." "They pick their eyebrow, using make up cream." "Ok, if you need it, we buy a car with make-up mirror on the driving side." "Point taken, thank you." "But you don't understand that it's a serious spiritual problem." "I got panic attack if I have to drive." "I get sweat, my hands are shaking, my back is prickling." "This is crazy, go to a shrink!" "It's just sucks what you're doing." "When last time you asked the licence of the taxi driver I wanted to leave the car." "Because he seemed young." "If I meet him on the street, I ask if I can found his parents." "And maybe you haven't noticed, but he had circles around his eyes." "You really don't understand this all!" "This fear has deep root, coming from many sources." "One of the sources was our old Skoda 120 L car, with its home tuning style Sokol radio, hanging in the windows on two elastics." "The window was broken almost every week because of this." "Like Schaffhausen..." "It was only twice on body and once on engine replacement." "I thought it can compete with the west, but when we went to Austria for the first time," "I realized western cars not only exist in Matchbox." "I've got inferiority complex ever since." "My father took care of the Skoda." "With warm water, straight from our boiler, for its protection." "ARANKA!" "Shut down the boiler NOW!" "And there is the agressivity..." "I pull your head, you jerk, what did you say?" "I park where I want, see?" "Buy a real car, before being a smartass!" "I will bite out your heart and spit it into your face!" "And finally, the unevitable death-fear..." "There is no normal danger for me." "Only lethal." "I believe in butterfly effect, that every source of danger can start a process, that can lead indirectly to death." "If we see the Traffic Advisory commercials, driving can lead only to death." "I chose this school, because they advertise as the one who helps problematic people." "Indeed, there were disabled, pensioners, drunken people and a girl who failed the routine exam five times in a year." "For the last time she reversed a car through a 3 meter high hedge." "Easy." "It's a test." "And the good thing is you always have to choose from four possible answers." "If we could choose from four thing in life, everything would be so easy... no?" "And one from the four is a total crap answer." "So take it easy." "But you'd better prepare, because if you get into an equal crossroads in real life, there you won't have two minutes to think." "Because on the road, you don't choose." "Death chooses you there." "In the end I made the test, only with two mistakes." "Two mistakes!" "Like the bungee rope would be longer with one centimeter." " Good afternoon!" " Mr. Litkai?" " Yes." "Uncle Tibi." "You will learn to drive from me." "This is the teaching aid." "I'm coming from the body shop, I was hit by a truck." "For 10 grand they fix it, but never mind." "What a cute little doggy!" "What's his name?" "He has no name." "He's always there, no need to be called." "But he has a wonderful urine restraining feature." " Does it only once a day." " Really?" "So disciplined?" "I'm training him." "If he barks a lot, only gets water once." "So, Gergely, jump in!" "Not there!" "To the driver's seat." "If you know where is it at all..." " Have you ever driven?" " Well, not really..." "At least you don't have bad instincts." "First, we go out to the routine field." "Don't touch anything!" "I do everything." "Because I have another one from everything, like the Eotvos clown." "Then it's alright." "Now I'm moving away." "From now you're driving." "Left." "Don't milk the wheel, it's not a cow." "Steer it!" "Left!" "And now straight!" "Push the nose in." "They'll see you're a learner." "They will let you in." "You're brave, you jerk!" "Let's clear the conditions." "One hour is forty minutes, double hour is eighty minutes." "Ten minutes break, so you're ready in an hour." "No wild things, you are a learner, don't push the gas, because fuel is pricey." "Even if I buy it from a repairshop in Dabas illegally." "So... you have already driven, yes?" "Once." "Practicing parking with daddy, in the truck parking lot." " There are the hookers, no?" " Yes." "When we tried the Y-turn, they thought we were checking the lines." "Gergely, go to the shop." "We are five minutes from coma." "Uncle Tibi handled time easily." "The twenty minutes he spent inside, I was thinking, if he was revived at the butcher's shelf or he simply couldn't choose from the cookies." "My education went step by step." "Literally." "In two weeks I already knew how to start, so we could move on to the serious problems." "Gergo, we try the start with handbrake on flat surface otherwise you would just burn the clutch." "I will take care of the exam, you'll have different task." "And what will happen in real life?" "In real life you will play with your own car, what will not be broken by lots of dumb student drivers." "You're a kid from Pest, there are no mountains here." "So..." "Clutch release to half, little gas, push handbrake button." "When you feel the grip in the clutch, release it softly." " Not difficult, is it?" " No." "And then push on the gas." "Push it." "Push it." "Push it, Gergo!" "Clutch, gear one, index left, hand brake." "Look, Gergo, maybe you haven't driven yet, but you can get used to the idea that you will not drive soon either." "Don't take it personally, but you're my first student, who closes his eyes, instead of looking at the mirror at start." " Is it intentional?" " No, no!" "Look, I will rest here in peace soon!" "If everything goes fine, I will be a crypt renter." "Remember this, as the Bible:" "clutch, gear one, index left, handbrake, mirror." "And now it's already too late to turn." "I should change the brake-pads, because I was breaking while you were on the gas..." "Stop in real life." "They always ask what will happen in real life?" "There you cannot force your car between two others either." "I haven't seen from the dog." "There will be a dog in real life too." "Or even a bigger thing, like a family." "Who will block your view." "Don't tell me, you just want two kids so that you can see through the back." "Things turned out pretty well." "We were trying to go backwards for a longer time." "I took it as uncle Tibi was trusting me, I was prepared for reversing." "Which is so dangerous, that you cannot do it in Formula 1 or on a bridge." "But then a sudden thing happened." "Uncle Tibi!" "I had to know if he was alive." "I will not calling him, like on the first aid training." "I will not talk to a dead man!" "First I tried the mirror if it wouldl be vapourous." "Mirror mirror, tell it to me, if there is a dead on the seat?" "But he couldn't reach it." "Then I tried the side mirrors." "No way." "I tried the pulse, but I wasn't sure even that I'm alive." "What if he's really dead?" "What will I do?" "How will I ask for help?" "Or shall I go straight to the cemetery?" "His own crypt?" "And I have to tell the news to the family?" "Because I have seen him for the last time?" "I hated that in Derrick too." "He was ringing on the door to tell the death news with this:" "Derrick." "Homicide." "What can you expect after that?" "Would you please move your car, because we cannot get to a dead man?" "Of course, the desperate husband at the door was always hopeful:" "Is Gertrud okay?" "Who was already killed pretty much by that time." "Then Derrick's eyes meet Harry's and asked if they could come in." "I guess because of the coffee or cookies." "Why is this happening to me?" "I'm killing a man even without driving license." "I knew driving is risky, but not so risky." "But if he's alive, how can I wake him?" "If I push the horn, maybe he'll get a heart attack and die again." "And I'm not even allowed to use it in private property." "Shall I break the rules just on the death scene of a driving instructor?" "Like reading porn magazine in the church." "And what if I poke him?" "Or he's just watching me eyes closed, and then what will he think that I'm poking him?" "Don't rev up that engine!" "Look back when you go backwards." "It pays off, you'll see." "Don't worry, we will take care of the exam." "Told you, routine exam will be just fine." "But in the traffic you need to learn a lot, Gergo." "I always say, even if you can pleasure yourself, it's not for sure you find yourself a wife." "We're going for the highway today." "I know you have imagination, but don't close your eyes." "Highway is just like this one, without traffic lights, so even a stupid can drive there." " So we don't go to the highway?" " You have no imagination?" "I have." " How do you imagine a highway?" " Just like a highway." "And what is a highway like?" "Two lanes into one direction." "And the emergency lane." " See, you can imagine that." " Yes, but the speed..." "We never hit 130 ever." "No problem, you won't hit it there either." "That's why there are two lanes." "Just go with 100, let them take over you." " But we never hit 100 either." " We will on the highway driving." " When is that?" " When the night driving." "Tomorrow noon." " Noon?" " I have to go to the next village at noon." "Will we drive until evening?" " Are there lights on the car or no?" " There are." "See?" "Then you see the same during daylight and night." "If you want to be in light, you don't pull the curtain to switch on the lights, no?" " No." " So." "Care for driving." "We are on a highway, no?" "Don't do it, Geri!" "You cannot quit!" "Yesterday he didn't take his pills." "And then what?" "Have you never forgotten anything?" "Well, nothing that can put me into a coma, no." "You can drive that much, to drive the car, no?" "And shall I drive through the city with a man in coma?" "It's not a zombie, you call the ambulance and that's all." "That's it!" "We're going to the next village tomorrow." "What if there's no receiption there?" "Then you drive until you'll have." "And if the dog goes crazy?" "!" "Because his owner will..." "Have you ever heard about a pitbull attacking a man in coma?" "No, because coma guys are usually in the hospitals and dogs don't go there." "But we're gonna be in the same car, see?" "And... cat already ate dead man, just telling you." "You cannot even be sure he will fall into coma." "Sure..." "last time, when we turned into the one way street," "I have seen him using the nitrogen spray under his tongue!" " Have you turned into a one way street?" " I have." " The dog attacked the air freshener." " C'mon, be a man." " I'm doing it." " I can tell." " Hi." " Hi." " We were learning the traffic rules together, remember?" " Ah, maybe." "Did anything happen?" "I just covered my eyes at the railway crossing..." "And then uncle Tibi said he's not closing my ponytail into the trunk and speed with me through the airplane runway, because he's saving for his new car from my furnitures." "I don't envy you..." "And moreover it was a night drive, I shouldn't even see that crossing..." " Look..." "Success!" " Ok, thanks." " Good afternoon, uncle Tibi!" " 'Afternoon, Gergo..." "Come Chevy!" " We go to the village?" " 'Course we go." "Wednesday traffic exam." "For ten we can go on Road 4." "Is that worth it for you?" "I don't have ten thousand, uncle Tibi." "I will rather pick something by chance." "Worst case I fail." "At least I won't drive." "Alright, then five." "For the last time." "Have you ever driven on sand?" "So, Gergo, do the twist!" "Don't worry, it's like a bobsleigh." "Worst case we're upside down." "That's a nice form of death, isn't it?" "Don't be scared, there are no policemen here." "Switch back and let it roll." "I feel like when I was an ambulance driver, I'm young again!" "That's it, push it!" "Do you want me to do the siren?" "Just for the fun..." "Gas before the bump, that's it, push it, push it!" "Can you feel it?" "Like a rollercoaster." "Push it, Gergo!" "Don't play soft!" "I have no control, you're driving!" " So, Gergo, do you like to drive now?" " Yes, uncle Tibi." "I like it." "But don't do such a thing on the exam!" "So it is a pick." "Road four!" "Unfortunately it is a really difficult route, 8 out of 10 fail the exam." "Although it could have been a different..." "It doesn't matter." " Then I wish you a successful exam." " Thank you." "So, Gergo... congratulations, your traffic exam was successful." " Very nice driving!" " Thank you very much!" "I wish you an accident-free driving." "You can get your driving license with this paper, in the Petzval street." "Good bye!" "I've told you, Gergo, there won't be any problem." "Thank you very much." "Good that we practiced the route." "I knew if we don't give him money, he will pick that route." "At the railway cross, he usually stops everyone, because they don't slow down, although there haven't been trains for 20 years." "My god, how quickly time passes, I should have eaten something for half an hour." "Doesn't matter, I will go to shop with the next girl." " All the best, Gergo!" " All the best, uncle Tibi, thank you!" " Careful!" " I will!" "Good afternoon, uncle Tibi!" " Uncle Tibi, is the lesson over now?" " Thank you." " I knew it!" "I had it here!" " Doesn't matter anymore." "Sir!" "Thank you." "All the bests, Adrian!" "So, uncle Tibi?" "And now?" "Tunnel, white light and the rest?" "See, Gergo, I've told you:" "life is just a short stop before death." "That's why you can't go everywhere with 50 in the city." "Hey!" "The end." "It's done." "I'm here." "I'm prepared." "We can go." "Hallo!" "Moment!" "Patience, my son." "Once I have to take a leak and then it's a shorter movie..." "It's rolling!" "First we play the bald guy's, it's a group screening for economic reasons..." "Nooooo..." "Subtitles by Moraith"