"Episode 4 - "Songs of the Dark Lantern"" "Stop!" "No!" "Oh, no!" "The beast is upon me!" " Shh!" " Greg, is there a beast out there?" "Mmm..." "I found a duck." "Do you know how to make eggs from a duck?" "I'm hungry." " What about the beast?" " The beast is upon me!" "I didn't see any beast." "That driver is nuts." "Mmm, nuts." " Whew!" "Well, that's good." " Good?" "!" "That crazy driver's taking us way off course!" " Really?" " Yeah, who knows where we are by now with that guy acting all bananas." "Ooh, banana nut duck bread." " Whoa-ah!" " Well, finally some good luck." "Let's go to this creepy tavern and ask for some directions." "But..." "But it's creepy." "Why don't you guys go ask for directions, and I'll just wait out ..." "no, wait, I-I don't want to be out here by myself." "How about you guys ..." " Just go to the tavern!" " Okay!" " But you ask for directions." " Fine, yeah, I'll do everything." "I'm hungry." " Go on!" " I-It's stuck." "Oh." "E-Excuse me, there." "Excuse me." "Hmm?" "You." "Wait." "Here." " I'll get some food." " Well, at least it has music." "Well, hey, there, peach pot." "Whatcha doing around ..." " hey, what's that bird you got there?" " It's a ..." "I am Beatrice!" "These two sweet kids and I got a bit lost in the ..." "No birds allowed in my tavern!" "No birds allowed in your ..." "It's a bad omen when a bluebird enters through your door." "It's bad luck!" "Lady, bluebirds are good luck!" "We bring joy and happiness to the ..." "Good luck, bad luck ..." "I don't need any of it!" "Curse you, lady!" "Curse you!" "You'll die someday, and I'll laugh ..." "laugh!" " Ohh!" " Forget this." "I'm out of here." " Wirt, you get directions." " W-Wait, no." " I-I don't want to ..." " Just do it!" "Who are you two anyway, bringing bad luck to my tavern?" "I'm Wirt, and this is Gregory." "And that's a horse!" "That's great, but who are you?" "I'm..." "Wirt." "I'm ..." "I'm just a-a guy, I-I guess." "Um, w-what do you mean?" " Well, he's the butcher..." " I'm the butcher." " ...the baker..." " Yeah!" "...the midwife the master and apprentice... the tailor." "and I'm the tavern keeper." "Who are you?" "!" "I am hungry!" "I-I-I don't know." "I don't really like labels." "I'm just sort of, like, myself, you know?" " Maybe he's simple." " No, I-I'm just" "I'm just lost." "See, w-we're trying to get to ..." " I'm the highwayman." " Okay, good to know." " Well, so, you see ..." " # I'm the highwayman #" "* I make ends meet * * just like any man *" "* I work with my hands * * if you cross my path *" "* I'll knock you out * * drag you off the road * * steal your shoes from off your feet *" "* I'm the highwayman * * and I make ends mee-e-e-e-t *" "Hey." "Are you wearing lipstick?" "* La la la la *" "Hmm?" "Who's out there?" "* Chop the wood to light the fire *" "What kind of person goes out chopping trees in the middle of a thunderstorm at night?" " # Light that fiery fire #" " What kind of a person talks to a horse?" "Ooh Ah." "Hmm." " Excuse me?" " Huh?" "I was wondering if you knew the way ..." "uh, I mean, I-I'm ..." " her name is Adelaide, and ..." " Oh, it's a girl you're after, eh?" "No!" "I-I mean, yes, but ..." "Oh, you're not the witless simple-minded fool everybody takes you for." " Everyone thinks I'm ..." " You're the young lover." " What?" "Young lover?" "No, uh ..." " If you really want to get" " with this Adelaide gal..." " I-I don't." "I-I mean, I-I ... well, here's what you do." "* Write a loving letter, boy * * that swoops and sweeps and curls * * calligrapher's just the thing to help you win your girl * * then you'll need to dress up smart * * the tailor's here by chance *" "* He'll stitch your trousers, hole your belt * * in fine couture of France * * your shoes, my goodness, how they're worn, * * but you're too young to know *" "* Nothing courts a woman's scorn more than scuffs on the toe *" "* The cobbler can attend to that *" "* Meanwhile, you must have cake *" "* The baker and patissier need work for goodness sake * * high, dee, diddly, um-de-dum-de-day *" "* What a merry time we'll have upon your wedding day *" " What?" " # High, dee, diddly, # * um-de-dum-de-day * * there's work for all when little boys get married *" "No, no, no, no. y-you guys, I-I-I'm not getting married." "I'm just trying to find ..." "* That pointy cone upon your head *" " Oh, no, please." " # You can't be wearing that #" "Mm." "If I have to be outside, then those jokers do, too." "Oh, hey, Beatrice!" "Do you want some food, too?" "No." "How's Wirt doing getting directions?" "Mm, pretty good." "* High, dee, diddly, um-de-dum-de-day *" "* What a merry time we'll have upon your wedding day *" "* High, dee, diddly *" "What about that woodsman?" "I bet he knows these woods better than anybody, huh?" "All right, horse, good riddance!" "Lover!" "Lover!" "No, y-you guys, Adelaide" " isn't ..." "I-I'm just ..." " Young lover, sing us your love song!" " Love song?" " Yeah, lover!" "Sing us your love song!" "No, I-I-I don't have a ..." " Sing, lover, sing!" " No." " Sing, lover, sing!" " Ohh!" "Sing, lover, sing!" "Sing, lover, sing!" " Sing, lover, sing!" " Sing, boy, sing!" "* My name is Wirt, and his name * * is Greg * * we're related 'cause my mom *" "* Remarried and then gave birth to him with my stepdad *" "* We're not from around here * * can you all give me *" "* Some directions today?" "*" "* So we can be on our * * wa-a-a-y *" " This ain't no love song." " It's a metaphor." " Keep it together, tailor." " Hey!" " Uh, yes?" " I know what you are!" " You're a pilgrim!" " What?" "What, like the ... the guys who eat turkey and cranberry sauce?" " No, you're a pilgrim!" " A pilgrim?" "You're a traveler on a sacred journey." "You're the master of your own destiny." " The hero of your own story!" " A pilgrim." "Tell us your feats, pilgrim!" "What other challenges" " have you overcome?" " Regale us with your travels, pilgrim!" "One time, Wirt fell on a gorilla." "And helped me find this frog." " More!" "Tell us more!" " Tell us more!" "Let the cat out of the bag!" "We want to hear it!" "And, oh, uh, I met this helpful woodsman who told us which direction to go to avoid beast." " The beast!" " The beast." " Oh, goodness." " Oh, you guys have heard of" " the beast, too?" " We all know the beast, pilgrim." "* He lurks out there in the Unknown * * seeking those who are far from home * * hoping never to let you return * * ooh-ooh, better beware * * ooh-ooh, the beast is out there *" "* ooh-ooh, better be wise and don't believe his lies * * for once your will begins to spoil * * he'll turn you to a tree of oil * * and use you in his lantern for to burn *" "Wait, wait, wait!" "Lantern?" "The woodsman was the guy with the weird lantern, not the beast." "Pilgrim, he who carries the dark lantern must be the beast." "What?" "No, the woodsman's a good guy." "He warned us of the beast and told us which direction" " to go to avoid him." " And now you're more" " lost than ever, huh?" " Yeah, but..." "Oh, yeah, hey, can you give us some directions?" "Our friend Beatrice is trying to take us to Adelaide of the pasture, the good woman of the woods." " She can help us get home." " You don't need directions, pilgrim." " You follow that compass inside your heart." " Uh..." "No, I think we need directions." " Beatrice!" " Go save your friend and get yourself home!" " Pilgrim!" " You got it!" "Uh..." "Okay." "Never say die, never say die!" "Oh, boy, I guess I'm really doing this." "Horse, I'm just gonna pretend like I can ride you, all right?" "Beatrice!" "Beatrice?" " Another one of those trees." " Halt!" "It's you!" " Hey, Mr. Woodsman!" " I told you to leave these woods!" "Beatrice!" "You're turning her into an edelwood tree!" "You were the beast all along!" "Huh?" "!" "Whoa!" "Huh?" "!" " What is this?" " Greg, get Beatrice!" "What are you doing?" "!" "Boys, the beast is upon you!" "Agh!" "Oh!" " Beatrice, you all right?" " Yeah, I just ..." "I saw a weird shadow and then stupidly flew into a tree and got knocked out." "Oh, well, we're all right now." "Wirt was amazing!" "He sang a song, rode a horse, and saved you from the axe guy!" "He's the pilgrim!" "That's all well and good, but you were supposed" " to get directions." " I did." "We just got directions from Fred before you woke up." " Who?" " Oh, uh, Beatrice, meet Fred the horse." " Nice to horse your acquaintance." " You can talk?" "!" "It seems you're running out of oil, woodsman." "Why not let me take the lantern for awhile?" "Begone, beast!" "I've fought you for the lantern before, and I'll fight you again!" "No need for violence, woodsman, but be sure to keep it lit, or your daughter's flame will go out... forever." "Now, what direction did those children go?" "You leave those children be!" " Beast!" " # La la la la #" " Beast!" " # La la la la #" "* Chop the wood to light the fire *"