"good morning, upper east siders." "Gossip girl here-- your one and only source into the scandalous lives of manhattan's elite." "Top story on my home page-- re sena van der woodsen, everybody's favorite "it" girl has just returned from a mysterious absence and was learning the hard way that you can never go home again." "serena is back you'll never believe what's on "gossip girl." "" Someone saw serena getting offa train at grand central." "Serena?" "Serena's at school." "Why'd she return?" "Let me guess--you told everyone eric's just visiting grandpain rhode island." "Your aunt carol in miami." "He tries to take his own life, and you're worried it's gonnacost you mom of the year?" "Must be a lot of rumors why you're back." "None of them mention you." "Nate's gonna wait for serena." "He can get in linebehind that guy." "I don't need some new boyinfluencing her, distracting her from her needs." "A kid like dan isexactly what serena needs." "Guess who's dad is cool?" "It's a trick question." "Yeah,'cause it can't be ours." "You're going out with serena,and I'm going to kiss on the lips." "Who saidthis family wasn't cool?" "I thought everythingwas good between us." "It was...before I found outyou had sex with my boyfriend." "Great,just in time for brunch." "I told her to stay away." "I'm not sneaking around with you." "Just to talk." "You said you'd neverspeak to her again." "So you slept with your best friend's boyfriend." "Is that true?" "Then she ran awayand lied about it." "Poor daniel--so little time,so many sluts to defend." "this world,it's--it's crazy." "And you're a part of it." "Blair, how can I fix this?" "You don't, serena." "You just stay away." "But now that serena is back, will the upper east side ever be the same?" "It takes two tangle, and girls like these don't go down without a fight. gossip.girl Season1 Episode03" "there's plenty of upside to being the spawn of the fabulously wealthy." "But the downside?" "Super successful parents except nothing less from their offspring." "And when it comes to college, that means the ivies." "It's more than just getting into college." "It's setting a course for the rest of your life." "And for those few who aren't legac s, the pressures are no less." "When parents have sacrificed for their children's futures, what kid would wanna let them down?" "thank you, ladies." "Good morning, students." "I ask all of you to show a little sympathy for our junior class." "They are almost through with ivy week." "As is our long-standing tradition, the constance billard girls will be in charge of friday night's mixer, and the st.Jude's boys will provide the ushers for the visiting representatives." "for those of you who dream of attending an ivy league school, this mixer is the most important event of your life." "But no pressure." "ah, it's not that bad." "It looks like I shaved with a wood chipper." "I was going with more of a chain saw." " Not helping." " Not trying to." "Hey, look on the bright side-- you're not a hemophiliac." "Otherwise, you'd-- you'd be in the emergency room." "And that's helping?" "Mm, not really." "dartmouth's gonna love you." "Yeah, I gotta believe being able to shave is a prerequisite for attending." "No one is better qualified, no one is smarter, more well-rounded... or wounded?" "It's not like I have a trust fund to fall back on, dad." "You know, all I have is what's up here." "well, that is the most important thing." "College is about academic excellence, not your stock portfolio." "Besides, you're gonna do great in your interview." "You take after your dad that way." "Spotlight doesn't phase us." "you better hope there's not a spotlight involved." "I'm your sister.It's what I do." "Not when it's about dartmouth." "remember, students... nathaniel, a little wake an ke?" "We have our interviews today." "My point exactly.I have my 1-hitter." "but underclassmen should consider this week a dress rehearsal." "You are not only representing yourselves this week, but generations from our school and your families." "try not to cut me off next time." "You almost knocked me over the side of the bench." "I didn't cut you off." "I didn't mean to." "You win fair and square, and nothing could make me prouder... till you get in the old alma mater, that is." "Dad, we talked about this, about me keeping my options open, looking out west." "Yeah, of course, but let's get serious here." "Someone with your grades wants to get into dartmouth, you need to appear to be working for it." " D, - i ushering the rep is a good step." "How come every time I bring up going to U.S.C, you act like it's a joke?" "Nate, there's a plan here." "Maybe I want to make my own plan." "Listen, your mother and i didn't work this hard so you can just make things up as you go along." "Dartmouth, law school, blair." "Soon you're gonna have everything." "Listen, I'm late for work." "Nail that interview today." "Go, green!" "as part of ivy week's festivities, at tomorrow night's mixer, blair waldorf will announce the charity her community outreach committee will honor this year." "Have you seen serena?" "I wonder where she is." "And you know what i wonder?" "How I'm supposed to hear anything about yale with all this talk about serena." "Do you remember when dad gave me my first yale sweatshirt?" "I don't think any piece of clothing has ever fit me more perfectly, not to mention how adorable I found that bulldog." "Remember when I asked you if I could get a bulldog?" "Good call, by the way, saying no." "And now the big day is finally here." "Soon nate and i will be away at college." "Him coming down to yale, me going up to dartmouth." "Dad flying in for the princeton game." "I hope it doesn't make you feel old watchinrow me gup." "Eat up, miss blair." "Your mom would want you to have a good breakfast." "and now headmaster prescott... so serena's really not here?" "That's what I said." "When you weren't supposed to be talking." "thank you, miss tedrow." "Serena, come on.Hurry up.You're gonna be late." "I am!" "And I know." "You know, you shouldn't have stayed at your brother's again." "I mean, why sleep there?" "It's not like he can even see you." "His eyes are closed." "Do you have one maternal bone in your entire body?" "Serena, you need your rest, okay?" "It's ivy week." "I know, and if I can get out of this hotel room, it's my sole mission in life to impress that brown rep." "Well, I am so thrilled to hear you say that's still your plan, because, I mean, I know it's something we've always talked about, but honestly, since you've been back," "I've, uh, wondered if your mind was even on college." "Look, mom, I've had my mind on a lot of things." "But since recent events, going away to college sounds pretty good." "How, um, how did you leave things with dan?" "I don't want to talk about it." "What's going on with you and blair?" " Mom, please!" " It's o-- look, all I wanna do is just finish high school in peace and go away to a state with lots of people who don't know who I am and just start over, okay?" "Take a cab.Don't walk." "oh, god." "god,please don't tell me it's over." "What?" "You were there.I-I would say it's pretty over." "I meant the assembly." "Oh, rightNo, yeah,no, it just ended now." "Damn it." "Anyway, good luck." "Yeah, you, too." "Oh, too bad you missedthe assembly." "Not that it matters." "Brown doesn't offerdegrees in slut." "Spotted-- S." "Not so fashionably late and dressed down by B." "Game on, ladies." "look, I made a mistakewith nate, okay?" "But then you sabotaged mewith dan." "We don't have to be friends, but" "What's up, waldorf?" "Sorry.It slipped." "I'm fine." "I really want to believe that was an accident." "Then you must be delusional." "thank you." "running out of colors here,blair." "And I'm running outof patience." "Enough, okay?" "It's enoughwhen I say it's enough." "god!" "girls, break it up!" "Get off of me!" "Is that enough yet?" "so we've actuallycome to physical blows, huh?" "Truce?" "My leg!" "serena, you're out of here." "oh, my gosh." "I hope it's broken." "Hey, upper east siders." "We hear that world war iii just broke out, and it's wearing kneesocks." "Choose your side or run and hide." "We have a feeling this one's to the death." "and why should you be the dartmouth usher?" "Well, I've given thisa lot of thought, and I think I can answeryour question in three parts." "And I'd like to startwith the third part first, if it's cool, unless, that would be confusing." "In which case, I can startat the beginning." "the dartmouth"principles of community" highlight integrity, responsibilityand consideration." "well, from st.Jude's,I've learned integrity." "From being an older brother,I have learned responsibility, and from my parents, who have sacrificed everythingto send me to this school," "I've learned consideration." "It really comes downto one thing-- dartmouth is my dream, and I've never asked dartmouth,but..." "I thinkit's been dreaming of me." "That--that was a joke, or an attempt at one." "Next question." "you are the idealdartmouth candidate." "Thank you, sir." "And it would be an honorto attend dartmouth." "I've grown up hearingall about it from my father." "I'm just not sureit's my first choice, and if there's onlyone usher position available," "I'm sure there's someonewho wants it more than me." "Why should I be chosento be an usher?" "I'm chuck bass." "excuse me." "yale chuck bass***" " Hey." " Hey." "You get the oneyou wanted?" "no.No, actually,you did... which makes total sensebecause I'm second in our class, and you're somewhere around-- what, I don't know,uh, last?" "No hard feelings, huh?" "Why should there be?" "I mean, how many libraries has your dad had to endowto get you this spot?" "You've earned it." "Look, man, you don't knowanything about my family." "I'm sorry.You're right.You're right." "I'm sure J.L.Hallwill be very impressed with your passionfor the dartmouth experience." "Who the hell is J.L.Hall?" "He's the ivy rep." "You might wantto pick up his book if you want anythingto talk about." ""The petting zoo"-- that's the nameof his book." "Angry guy, huh?" "Short fuse.I'm trying to work on that." "Well, let me knowhow that goes for you." "Yeah, I'll--I'll keep you posted." "It's a tough week." "Not for me, apparently." "Oh, you got an usher position?" "No, I didn'T." "Uh, in an ironic thoughnot totally unexpected twist, nate got the one I wanted." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, well, I guess that's lifewhen you're not a legacy." "Well, hey, just 'causere not an usher doesn't mean you're notgonna get into an ivy." "Yeah?" "Wh--uh, where'dyour parents go to school?" "Harvard and brown." "That's--that's alll'm saying." "I can't believe serena did this." "Yeah, such a cheap shot." "finally." "Hello to you, too." "I heard aboutthe field hockey throw down." "All those mouth guardsand short skirts" " I hope somebody filmed it." "you're heinous." "Which is probablywhy you called." "You know me well." "Women like to pretend they'recomplicated.I know better." "My leg's numb now." "How about a heating pad?" " Sure." " Okay." "Serena came homefor a reason." "One can only guess." "I'm done guessing.I want answers, and no one likes to be on the ground floor of a scandal like chuck bass." "I am a bitch when I wanna be." "Opportunity to causesome trouble, uncover a secret?" "Take "yes" for an answer." "let's turn back to school." "I left something importantbehind." "oh, danny boy,how was your day?" "He's about to hype dinner." "'Cause no matterhow good it was, it's about to geta lot better." "I've outdone myselfwith the bolognese." "sorry aboutthe melodramatic entrance." "You didn't get it?" "No, I didn't get it." "and that I do not get." "They...they gave it to nate... archibald!" "last year, uh, I believehe had an original thought." "It died of loneliness." "I'm sorry." "You're sorry?" "Yeah, I know how muchyou and mom sacrificed." "The whole reason you send usto a school like this is so we can goto a college of our choice." "What if that's allfor nothing?" "It's not, okay?" "It's not." "So you don't getto be the usher of some whatever party." "Dad, can I just, um,stew alone for awhile?" "we're humphreys, dad." "Not exactly royalty uptown." "Are you okay with that?" "No, but I'm used to it." "ostroff treatment cexter" "This is way too good." "mom, how's paris?" "You're not going to believe where I foundour little princess." "Really?" "admit it.Even for me, this was good." "If you weren't such a perv, I'm sure the C.I.A.Would hire you in a second." "Defending my country--there'sa future I never imagined." "With good reason." "What is she doing there?" "Well, what's anyonedoing there?" "It's a facilityfor the disturbed or addicted." "You must haveyour own wing." "You don't get nearlyenough credit for yoenough credit for your wit." "So the question is,what do you do now?" "Well, I was thinking... total social destruction." "And here I thoughtyou were getting soft." "So this is your bed,huh?" "Leaving now." "You can repay meanot.Time" "I've been in these sessionsevery day for the last week, but nothing is going to changeunless she stops hiding him here and lets himhave his life back." "This is not called hiding,serena." "It's called recovery." "Telling everyone he's stayingwith aunt carol in miami?" "He's not ready." "He's not, or you're not?" "Okay, let's takea deep breath." "It's good to seehonest conversation." "What does she know about honesty?" "Serena." "But I really think a decisionlike this includes eric as well." "Oh, you mean i have a say in this?" "Thanks." "Eric, of course.We're here for you." "Look, if you're readyto leave, you tell us, okay?" "No matter what mom says." "I would really liketo get out of here... oh, no." "But maybe I'm not ready yet." "Hey, what aboutfor a few hours?" "You can be my dateto the ivy week party tonight." "Serena, that party isan important event for you." "Well, he'll be aroundpeople he knows." "It'll be fun, comfortable." "Uh, actually, that sounds great." "well, there we go." "Compromise." "That wasn't so hard, was it?" "You know what?" "I have to go, help them set upfor tonight at the school." "It's my job as bothparent committee chair and responsible mother." "it'll be great, okay?" " hi.How are you?" " Good." "Rufus humphrey." "Uh, my kid, dan,goes to st.Jude's, and he really should have beenselected as dartmouth's usher." "Maybe there was a mix-up, some kind of a glitchin the system?" "I'd like to believe that because I like to believe the best in people." "I'm sorry, mr.Humphrey.The usher positionshave been filled." "There's nothing we can do." "Uh, is there anything else?" "Any other positions?" "Uh, you'll have to discuss thiswith our committee chairwoman." "Sure, perfect.I'd love to.Where can I find her?" "I'm not sure.She must be running late.I... oh, there she is now." "Why am I not surprised?" "Lucky for you,she seems to be in a good mood." "Until she sees me." " Rufus." " Told ya." "Excuse me." "You got a minute, lil?" "Not for you." " You're in." " What?" "The ivy week party tonight." "Your name will beon the program and everything." "You got me the dartmouth spot?" "I knew you could do it, dad." "no, you didn't,and no, I didn'T." "How do you feel about the refreshment committee?" "Well, there is--there isno refreshment committee." "Not until now." "Oh, god." "What?" "Everybody gets thirsty.It's really a position of power." "How did you secure methis prominent and simultaneously embarrassing position?" "By offeringmy own services." "Serving snacks?" "I'm the headof the entertainment committ." "a-another committeethat didn't exist until you leftthe house today." "Way to go, dad." "Wait.So who's the entertainment?" "Uh, since it wassuch short notice, the only personI could get was myself." "Kind of a staid affair forearly '90s postpunk math rock, don't you think?" "I'm bringinga couple of the guys." "It'll be rufus unplugged." "Need a roadie?" "Thanks, sweetie." "Should I call mom, and we can just make thisa full-fledged humphrey affair?" "Look, I did the best I could." "At least you get to officiallybe a part of this thing." "You can talkto that author you love, ask him anything you want." "Like his, uh, preferencefor soft drinks?" "If you get at all anxious,sweetie, if you feel light-headedor panicky" "I'll be fine, mom.All I have to dois be normal." "Or at least act normal." "Works for mom." "do you see the yale rep?" "I thought you wantedto go to brown, and blair wantedto go to yale." "Yeah, I know." "My father would never forgive meif I didn't introduce myself." "He says that you twoused to do crew together." "Crew?" "Oh, hi.I'm serena van der woodsen." "Blair, I didn't know you wereinterested in doing crew." "I'm not." "I was just sayingthat there's a family connection because of my father-- in fact, I didn't know you were interestedin athletics at all." "Well, especially ones whereyou might get your hair wet." "She's really moreof the indoors type of girl." "Oh, my goodness.Your glass is almost empty." "Let's get you a drink." "Uh, no, I'll take him." "Oh, don't worry about it." "So tell me about yale." "can you please explain how serena'scommandeering the yale rep while you're supposedto be his usher?" "I switched." "I'm trying to getinto princeton." "Oh, don't your la perlasin a bunch." "Look who's arrived--dr.Ostroff." "Blair, dr.Donald ostroff." "Interesting choice of guest, B." "Such a pleasure.I've heards-such wonderful things... coincidence?" "I think not." "I liked your book." "Oh, thanks." "What did you thinkof the epilogue?" "Some people really love it." ""The new york times"called it a "cheap cop-out." "" Warner bros.Is making a movie." "I think they're gonnachange the end." "Well, I can seehow the ending might not seem all that... commercial." "would you likesomething to drink?" "Lily, how are you?" "Oh, bart, hello.How are you?" "Hey, eric." "How's, uh, miami?" "It was good, thanks." "You know, go, marlins." "would you excuse me, please?" "So the neuroscience projectI'm working on involves the cellularsignaling pathway of neuronalnitric oxide synthase." "It's initiated whenglutamate binds to N.M.D.A.R... hi.You're eric, right?" "Yeah, you're jenny,dan's sister, right?" " Yeah, we, um, met at..." " bendel'S." "Yeah, I remember." "Oh, cool." "Eric, good to see you." "You enjoy miami?" "Uh, yeah." "S-save the manatees." "Manatees?" "It's a long story." "I've got time." "It's a little dark and..." "I can handle it." "you wannago to yale then?" "No, brown.It's justthis thing with blair." "Oh, yeah.Yeah, I get it." "I mean, since you don't have to actually worryabout getting into college, why not make the entire eveningabout screwing over blair?" "No, thanks." "Hey." "Wait, you're seriouslynot gonna talk to me?" "Like, literally not speak?" "Hey." "Oh, much better." "Thanks, guys." "So, um, what's he like?" "Like a dartmouthenglish lit professor I have nothing in common with." "Guess I could tell him how everything I haveI got because I'm an archibald." "You should mention dr.Seuss." "Theodor geisel is his real name.He went to dartmouth." "hall said he got the ideafor "the petting zoo" from "the lorax." ""The what?" "you know what?" "Never mind." "Just--just mentionhow his prose style is influencedby early faulkner." "You'll be all right." "or not." "I was actually gonnaget some fresh air." "How about youtake these over to him?" "All right." "Yeah, I guess I couldleave my post unmanned for a minute or two." "where do you think you're going?" "Home." "I don't think so." "Now you get back out thereand you finish what you started." "You mean what you started?" "I don't wanna go to dartmouth." "There, I said it." "Now back off." "So we moved into the hotel,and, uh... it was just the two of us, and I was really lonely." "So... that's when you... so I ended upat the ostroff center." "And my mom says that they havethe best counselors, but what they reallyget paid for is to to keeptheir mouths shut." "Look,I-I won't say anything." "I promise." "So do you wannago back in?" "Yeah, and answermore questions about florida?" "Well, I have a grandmawho lives in fort myers." "I can helpthink of some material." "May I pleasehave everyone's attention?" "Welcome again to the constance billard/st.Jude's ivy week mixer." "I'm blair waldorf, chair of the community outreachcommittee." "Every year,our schools choose to support one local institution thatwe feel benefits our community." "This year, our schools have chosen to honorthe ostroff center." "this semester, our choiceis a very personal one because the centerhas helped one of our own." "What is going on here?" "It's becauseof their excellent program which aids so manyyoung addicts and alcoholics that a student here with ustoday is clean and sober." "At least, for now." "Can I please haveserena van der woodsen join me onstage?" "Spotted at ivy week mixer" "S.And B.'S last stand, and only one gets out alive." "Better take cover." "Please tell me this isn't happening." "It's not." "No.No, you'renot going up there." "You're gonna stayright here, okay?" "Whatever you're doing, think about who's standingin this room right now." "Don't try to deny it.Chuck saw you." "hi." "I'm serena van der woodsen." "I just wanna thank my friend,blair waldorf, for recognizingthe ostroff center and all of the good thingsthat they do." "Thanks, blair." "At the center, one of the main thingsthat we learn is forgiveness." "She's in rehab?" "No, it's not her." "It's her brother who's there." "What?" "You can't tell anyone, okay?" "I won't, but whyis she doing this?" "I've learned about how, in order to move forwardwith our future, we must forgive thosewho have wronged us in the past, and we must, ourselves,ask for forgiveness from thosewhom we've wronged." "Without this forgiveness,innocent people get hurt-- all right, thank you, serena." "Thank you.Thank you." "Honesty may be the best policy in some zip codes, but not in this one, and not this week, 'cause "I was a teenage drug addict" is not exactly a winning college essay." "And now can I please havedr.Ostroff join me onstage?" "Why is blair outing you for a drug problemthat you don't have?" "You don't, do you?" "Mom!" "Well, it's not like we have some free, open relationship." "And that's my fault?" "Look, what's happened to eric has put a huge strainon our family, but we are still a family." "Why do you thinkI did what I just did?" "Will you excuse me?" "I'm gonna go end thiswith blair now." "Blair,what the hell was that?" " Will you excuse us,please?" " Sure." "So we good now?" "Are we square?" "No, because nothing I do will ever be as badas what you did to me." "Look, I'm asking you,please." "I'll stop if you will." "You're just saying thatbecause today you lost, and you're gonna keep losing." "Now if you'll excuse me,unlike you, I have a futureto get back to." "Serena." "Serena!" "What?" "What, do you wantto congratulate me on destroying my future?" "No, no, no, no, no, no." "To askif you're okay, 'cause what you did in therefor your brother, that was... that was very cool." "Wait, how did you know about my brother?" "It--it's okay." "Really, no onewill ever hear it from me, but if you ever needanybody to talk to, or not talk to," "I'd be happy to do either." "I'll keep that in mind." "And, um, I know I saidsome things about you and your world, and I' sorry." "Obviously, I don't knowanything about your life." "Thank you, but I've reallygot to get out of here." "Yeah, sure, sure." "But... maybe, you know,I can take you up on that getting togetherand not talking thing sometime?" "Will you call me?" "Yeah." "okay, let's go.Let's get out of here." "No, there's someoneI need to talk to first." "Please, mom,I can do this." "Okay." "Blair, can I talk to you?" "It'll just take a moment." "Sure.Sure." "Serena's not a patientat the ostroff center." "Eric, you've always been a sweetkid, and I can understand you trying to protect your sister" "I am." "I've never even seen youtake a drink." "I'm not an alcoholic." "I did this." "And today,serena protected me." "Eric, I..." "I didn'T... see that coming?" "Yeah." "Oh, it must be a shock for someone who thinksshe knows everything." "And what was that all about?" "Another bomb lands in blair's lap." "Will she use it as ammunition, or will she finally surrender and put down her arms?" "Nothing." "to dan:hope to see you in two years***" "So you really impressedthe guy, huh?" "Must be the wayyou poured those sodas." "Yeah, about that, uh..." "I know I may have been a littlelight on the gratitude... yeah, a touch." "But I appreciate even if I sometimesdon't show it." "We're real men, son.We don't liketo share our feelings." "But..." "I knowwhat you're capable of, and nothing-- my last name, my bank account-- is gonna keep youfrom getting what you deserve, not if I can help it." "And I see that dartmouth has an electroacousticmusic program." "What do you think of me applying?" "What?" "Yeah, and jenny's smart.We'll get her early admission." "Maybe we'll all go." "So not remotely funny." "nate." "huh?" "hello?" "Oh, yeah,I'll be right there." "Where the hell could youpossibly have to be right now?" "I'm late for a runwith my dad." "Who's jessica?" "jersey girls." "Let's just say they're the princeton tigersfor a reason." "All right, I'll see ya." " you feel this?" "Feeling good?" " Good." "All right,'cause I'm gonna... hey, good to see you, son." "Turns out jed's a runner, too." "I wouldhave never mentioned it if I knew he was gonna get me out here this early." "I'm glad to see you're feeling better, nate." "I was, uh, just telling jed about your little boutof food poisoning last night." "What do you say, kiddontyou wa to show him how it's done?" "Let's go." "Nate is the captainof his lacrosse team, as well as being an all-starcross-country runner." " hi." " Hey!" "Um, is it okaythat I'm here?" "Yeah.Hi." "Uh, will your mom be mad?" "That you're here?" "That wouldrequire her stopping by." "Saturday mornings are spentat bliss, and after last night," "I think she could use someextra time on the massage table." "Well, here." "Somebody has an admirer." "They're for my sister... from the brown rep." "apparently his cousindid some time here in his youth." "Well, that's good, right?" "I mean, at least her entire future isn't blown." "I don't think that's making her feela whole lot better right now." "wheneversomething's bothering you, I can always find you here." "you herefor another catfight?" "What's that?" "A letter." "I wrote it to you when youwere away at boarding school." "I never sent it." ""Dear serena, "my world is falling apart, "" "and you're the only onewho would understand." ""My father left my motherfor a 31-year-old model..." ""a male model." ""I feel like screaming "because I don't haveanyone to talk to." ""You're gone..." ""my dad's gone." "Nate's acting weird." ""where are you?" "Why don't you call?" ""Why did you leavewithout saying good-bye?" ""You're supposedto be my best friend." "I miss you so much." ""love, blair." "why didn't you send it?" " I would've-- - you would've what?" "You knew, serena, and you didn't even call." "I didn't knowwhat to say to you or even how to be your friendafter what I did." "I'm so sorry." "Eric told me what happened." "I guess your family's beengoing through a hard time, too." "Spotted in central park-- two white flags waving." "Could an upper east side peace accord be far off?" "So what will it be-- truce or consequences?" "We all know one nation can't have two queens." "What happens next?" "Only time will tell." "X.O.X.O., Gossip girl."