"Good evening." "I can tell by the rude noises you are making that you are impatient to see our film." "However there will be a slight delay." "Is there a barber in the house?" "If there is, will he please report to the projection booth?" "Our projection has seemed to have caught his moustache in a sprocket." "Of course, it could have been worse." "The popcorn machine might have broken down." "As you know our theatre spares no expense to make you television addicts feel at home." "Our movies are the oldest that money can buy." "And tonight as a special attraction we shall present some television commercials." "I knew you'd like that." "They will be injected at various points during our picture to keep you from getting too engrossed in the story." "I understand they are very good at relieving tensions and furnishing comic relief." "And now, if you will quiet down, we shall begin our program." "We are bringing you the music of Ronnie Temple and his orchestra directly from the ballroom of the Langdon Hotel in Bywater." "Ronnie and the boys will now play a little foxtrot for you." "Hello there!" "Having a spot of trouble?" "Sorry to disturb you but you'll have to pull over." "I can't get past." "Well!" "Where's Arthur?" "Hasn't he arrived yet?" "No, he hasn't, and you know I have to be home by 11:00." "Well, I've done all I can." "I rang 40 minutes ago and he said he was coming straight here by the short cut." "Hello, Phyllis." "You still here?" "I thought your husband had rescued you by now." "No, we haven't even seen Arthur." "My sister will catch it from Dad if she's not home in 20 minutes." "That's no problem." "I can drive you home myself if you'd like." "How about that?" "Thanks, Jack." "Oh, but what about Arthur?" "Look, I can tell the doorman I've taken you home, shall I?" "Okay, that's fine by me." "How about you, Aileen?" "All right." "Fine." "If only you two would get your coats, I'll bring the car around." "Fine, thanks." "Come on." "Made off with my drink, Charlie?" "No, sir." "I saved it for you." "Thanks." "If you think I don't need it, you try getting out on that floor for three in a row." "Me?" "I'm a wreck just listening to it night after night." "Thank you, sir." "Arthur!" "Arthur!" "Arthur isn't home yet." "You did leave word for him?" "I said I would, didn't I?" "Come, I'll wait with you." "There isn't a thing to worry about." "I can't imagine what's happened to Arthur." "I told you not to worry about it." "But I am worried." "He might have had an accident or something, or gone into the ditch." "He might even have had a heart attack and at his age it could be fatal." "It doesn't matter whether it's an accident or a heart attack as long as it is fatal, does it?" "Oh, what a ghastly thing to say." "What's so ghastly about it?" "How many times have you said yourself it would be an act of mercy to put him out of his misery." "I may have said it." "What do you mean, may have?" "Well, I didn't mean it." "Wanting your own husband dead." "It's wicked." "Now wait a minute." "You can't back out of it now." "How many times have you said that he was old and decrepit and jealous, and if only he'd curl up and die we'd have our chance." "But you couldn't have thought I was serious!" "Of course I thought you were serious!" "I thought you wanted him out of the way." "That's why I killed him." "That's why you what?" "That's why I killed him." "Oh, no." "Now, Phyl." "No!" "Phyl, stop it." "Get a grip of yourself!" "I only did what you wanted!" "I didn't I didn't want him dead." "It's too late." "He is dead." "Don't you understand?" "Now, Phyl, listen." "Now, the police will come at any moment." "They may be here any minute." "You've got to keep your head!" "Phyl, sweetheart, listen, you've got to know what to say." "If the police come now we'll both be in the dock." "Me?" "But I didn't do anything." "But you did." "Don't you remember?" "You telephoned him and you told him to come and pick you up, and to take the short cut." "That makes you an accessory, Phyl." "An accessory." "And it won't do you any good to say you didn't know what was going to happen." "If I'm arrested, Phyl, you will be arrested too." "Me?" "Me arrested?" "Now, darling, you know why I did this." "So that we could be together." "You were unhappy with Arthur, you know you were." "And I couldn't stand that." "I love you, darling." "There isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do to make you happy." "Poor, Jack." "Oh, you did mean well." "Oh, and you did it for my sake." "I can't very well hate you for it, can I?" "Well, I hoped you won't." "But it was wrong, terribly wrong." "Poor, Jack, I can't let you go to prison, can I?" "Don't worry." "When the police come I'll tell them everything..." "Just the truth, darling." "Just tell them everything exactly as it happened." "Yes." "Except, of course, that I killed Arthur." "If you try to lie to them they're sure to find out, they always do, and they'll be suspicious." "Now, look, I've taken care of everything." "All you have to do is to tell them the truth and stick to it." "You understand?" "Yes, Jack." "I'll do exactly as you tell me." "That's my girl." "Jack, where..." "Is he in the car?" "No." "And you must keep your mind off it till you hear about it from the police." "All right." "But you did see my crocodile dressing case in the car, didn't you?" "Arthur was bringing it back from the shop where he had taken it to be repaired." "Yes, it's there on the seat." "And that purple scarf, too." "Well, I wish you'd brought it with you." "Didn't occur to me at the time." "Listen." "I think it's the police." "Now this is it." "Do you think you can bring it off?" "Yes." "Yes I have to, for your sake." "Oh, good evening." "Mrs. Arthur Chaundry?" "Yes, I'm..." "Is there something wrong?" "Well, I'm Superintendent Karsiak, Mrs. Chaundry, and this is Sergeant Rason." "How do you do?" "Would you mind if we came in for a moment?" "No, no, of course not." "Please come in." "But if there's something wrong, I wish you'd tell me." "I know it's late, Mrs. Chaundry, but we'll make this as brief as possible for you." "Yes of course." "This way please." "Oh, this is an old friend of ours, Mr. Lyons." "Superintendent Karsiak." "Good evening, sir." "Good evening." "Mrs. Chaundry, does your husband own a sedan, license number..." "HAC-4745, sir." "Yes." "Yes, that's our car." "What's happened?" "Has there been an accident?" "Is Arthur all right?" "No." "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Mrs. Chaundry, but your husband is dead." "Oh, Arthur." "Oh, Jack!" "I'm so sorry." "Oh, Jack." "I'm so sorry." "Here, take the handkerchief." "What happened?" "He was attacked on a deserted road leading to Bywater." "You wouldn't happen to know what he was doing there, Mrs. Chaundry, would you?" "Yes." "Yes, he was coming to get me from the Langdon." "I'd gone there to a dance with my sister." "Mr. Lyons?" "Oh, I'd like to explain that, Superintendent." "Mrs. Chaundry rented a car from me." "Lyons' Garage." "As I was going to the Langdon myself tonight," "I said I'd drive her instead of one of my staff." "Well, when we arrived there Mrs. Chaundry was naturally a little upset in case I was mistaken for her escort." "I must say it had never occurred to me." "But I saw it might upset her, so I suggested that she telephone her husband." "Oh, yes." "But what we don't quite understand is why was he coming by way of the lane instead of the main road." "That's because he wasn't coming from here." "He was at the Greenfellows' Club, he's the treasurer." "Oh." "Then it's possible he was carrying considerable cash?" "Oh, yes." "Your husband's wallet appears to be missing." "Was anything else stolen?" "What?" "My crocodile dressing case, it was in the car, wasn't it?" "Why, what makes you think so, Mrs. Chaundry?" "Oh, but it must have been, because my husband told me on the telephone he was bringing it back from Borota's in Regent Street." "He'd taken it there to be repaired." "There was a scratch on the leather." "A crocodile dressing case with real gold fittings." "We found nothing in the car except a purple scarf." "Well, then it's been stolen." "You must get it back for me, superintendent, because it cost L200." "Well, the Sergeant will get a full description of it from you tomorrow and we'll try and get it back for you, Mrs. Chaundry." "Also find out who killed your husband." "Oh, Arthur!" "Oh, the Coroner will inform you of the time of the inquest." "Good night, Mrs. Chaundry." "Good night, Mr. Lyons." "You said it was in the car." "What did you do with it?" "I left it there, just as I told you." "All I took was his wallet." "I threw that in the ditch and I burned the money." "Then what's happened to it?" "I wish I knew." "I wish I knew." "The Coroner's jury today returned a verdict of murder by person or persons unknown in the death of Mr. Arthur Chaundry." "Hello?" "Hello, Phyllis." "What's the matter?" "That's what I called to ask you." "You paid absolutely no attention whatsoever to me at the inquest today." "And why didn't you see me home?" "Darling, I couldn't." "It would have started all sorts of scandal." "Well, if I can't see you here, where can I see you?" "We can't meet anywhere." "Not until it's safe." "And it isn't a good idea to phone me either." "Phyllis..." "Why, Jack Lyons!" "What a surprise seeing you." "I had no idea you were in town." "Oh, Aileen, you remember Jack Lyons, don't you?" "How do you do." "Hello." "Imagine seeing you." "We just came to town to do some shopping and I remembered that someone had recommended this restaurant and, well, here we are." "Won't you sit down?" "No, thank you, we just stopped in for tea." "Phyllis." "I might just sit down just for a moment." "What a nice coincidence." "It's not a coincidence and you know it." "You're going to ruin everything if you're not careful." "Oh, relax." "Nobody knows us here except Aileen and she thinks it was an accident." "How soon can we be married?" "Well, as soon as it's safe." "People usually wait a year." "Oh, Jack, a year!" "I'd go mad if I had to live in that house on my own." "You don't have to stay there." "You've got plenty of money." "Why don't you take a holiday, go to Torquay?" "Torquay?" "Darling, I'm only thinking what's best for you." "Oh, all right." "I'll go to Torquay." "But you'll write to me every day, won't you?" "I won't write to you at all and you won't write to me either." "The police would only have to get hold of just one letter and we'd be sunk." "Oh, the police." "They haven't done a thing." "I had my solicitor write them a letter the other day." "You did what?" "Well, they haven't found my dressing case." "I don't think they're even trying." "Phyl, for heaven's sake drop it." "What are you trying to do?" "Give them a chance to forget about it." "Now you're angry with me." "No, I'm not." "Honestly, I'm not." "Only, you scare me." "You're like a child." "The sooner we get married the safer we'll be." "Phyl?" "Phyllis?" "Yes." "Will you get me a cup of tea, darling?" "Oh, how much longer are you going to be on those old books?" "I've got to see if they balance out." "Couldn't you do them another time?" "I want to go dancing." "With the auditors coming?" "They don't take excuses, you know." "Oh, that's silly." "It's your garage." "If they don't like the way you..." "Look, Phyl, let me handle the business." "You've got no head for it." "But I bought a new dress and I want to wear it." "I thought you went to a matinee with your sister." "We did." "And I went shopping and I went to Scotland Yard." "Well, then you must be..." "You went where?" "Scotland Yard." "What in heaven's name did you do that for?" "Well, I went to see if they got my dressing case." "Superintendent Karsiak hasn't done a thing about it." "Now, Phyl, will you forget about that blasted dressing case?" "If you keep nagging about it you'll upset everything." "Jack!" "Just 'cause Karsiak never found out who did Arthur in, don't think he's forgotten about it." "And if you bring Scotland Yard into this, we'll never be safe." "But you know how much that dressing case means to me." "Then buy yourself one." "You've got plenty of money now." "I don't want another one, I want the one Arthur gave me!" "Phyl, I swear I don't understand you!" "You were fed up with Arthur, all you talked about was getting rid of him, and now that he's gone you go all soft and sentimental about him." "Oh, you don't understand." "There was a time when we were first married, Arthur was very devoted to me." "He was very kind and very considerate." "That's when he gave me the dressing case." "It's only natural that I should be sentimental about it." "Now listen to me, my girl." "I'm giving you fair warning." "You forget about that dressing case or we'll both regret it!" "What a thing to say, certainly not." "I think you're positively wicked." "Oh, I didn't say never." "Oh, you never can tell." "Oh, I've got to go now." "Yes, I've got to say goodbye." "Goodbye, Wilfy." "Who were you talking to?" "Wilfy." "Who's he?" "Oh, you know who Wilfy is." "I met him when I was in Torquay." "Darling, I'm sorry about last night." "I shouldn't have lost my temper like that." "Jack, darling, that's all right." "I knew you didn't want to hurt me." "I'm not angry with you." "Really I'm not." "It's just that I forget sometimes that certain things are important to women." "Well, I have to learn to accept you as you really are." "Anyway, I went up to Regent Street today and look." "Oh, Jack, darling!" "Oh, it's a dressing case just like my other one." "You know how I adore crocodile..." "Oh, it isn't crocodile." "No it isn't, but I got it at Borota's." "And it cost a fortune." "It isn't the same." "Well, I didn't want anything to remind us of..." "Remind us of what?" "Maybe you can forget about Arthur but I can't and nor can the police." "I won't have the word crocodile mentioned again in this house." "And if you don't like it you can take if back to the shop or give it to your sister or throw it away!" "Don't you speak to me like that." "I won't have it." "You're not the only man in the world, you know." "There are plenty of other people that could be nice to me." "People have been nice to you all your life." "Your father spoiled you, and so did Arthur and I've had a year of it." "And if you think your friend Wilfy can do any better for you, you'd better go to him." "He certainly could, he could do a lot better." "He wants me to tour the continent with him." "Oh, he does, does he?" "Yes." "Well, as far as I'm concerned the sooner you get started, the better!" "Come in!" "Whoever you are." "Good evening, Mr. Lyons." "I do apologize for calling so late." "Who says it's so late?" "I don't say it's so late." "I would like a word with your wife, if I may." "In that case it is too late." "Oh, well, if she's retired..." "She has retired, retreated, fallen back, all the way to the continent." "Dunkirk in reverse." "Dunkirk in reverse!" "Well, perhaps it's just as well." "I'm gonna be honest with you, Mr. Lyons." "Your wife's been giving us a lot of trouble." "Seems she went to Scotland Yard about that dressing case of hers, you know, the one that disappeared at the time of the murder." "Oh, it's bad enough having an unsolved murder on your hands." "Now we've got the Yard looking over our shoulders." "You won't have any more trouble because she isn't coming back." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." "Just when it looks as if we may have found her dressing case." "You found it?" "Uh-huh." "No credit to us." "Though I will say we worked hard." "We had a bit of luck." "You know, one of those freak things there's no accounting for." "Seems as if a truck, a six tone truck, Mr. Lyons, backs into a cottage in Wiltshire, and in the debris is a chest full of stolen goods." "Well, I suppose you got to give the Wiltshire police credit for being on their toes." "If you can find the thief..." "Oh, we've got him." "A tramp named Dan Mintz." "He swears he was in Scotland at the time of the murder, but we've got reason to believe he was not only here, he was employed as a car washer in your garage." "Was he?" "What was his name again?" "Mintz?" "Mintz, Mintz, Mintz..." "I don't remember anybody with that name." "Well, they come and go at the garage, you know." "Perhaps if you saw him you could identify him." "That's all we'll need considering his past record to put him right where he belongs." "You mean that'll be enough to prove that he murdered Chaundry?" "That and the dressing case." "Just give me a second to wash my face and I'll come along with you." "Well, what do you say, Mr. Lyons?" "Yes, that's him all right." "He did some day work for me last summer." "Any of the boys at the garage will bear me out." "All right, all right!" "I worked for him." "But I never so much as pinched a spanner." "That's all." "Take him away." "Come along, Mintz." "No, let me go!" "It wasn't me." "I tell you I never even had a pint of bitter." "Come along." "Comes a bit hard, eh, Mr. Lyons?" "Well, it does, you know." "Sending a man to prison." "Oh, it's old stuff to Mintz." "He spent half his life behind bars." "Well now, we've established his presence." "If this is your wife's dressing case, we'll have the whole thing buttoned up." "No, that's not it." "It isn't?" "But are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure." "No, she had her initials "P. C." cut in the side." "Now look here, Mrs. Chaundry, as she was then, gave the sergeant a detailed description and there was no mention about any initials." "She must have forgotten, she usually does forget the most important thing." "No, her case had the initials "P. C." Phyllis Chaundry." "Right there." "Like this?" "Yes, yes." "That's the one." "What's all this about?" "Sorry, sir, but your memory could have played you tricks, you know, and we're dealing with murder here." "Yes, of course." "Had to be quite sure you knew about those initials which your wife forgot to remember." "You see, Mr. Lyons, she didn't know they were there." "That's absurd." "I mean, it's her case, isn't it?" "It is." "Then what's all the fuss about?" "Because you couldn't have known those initials were there unless you'd seen the case in Chaundry's car." "That's absurd." "I've been at the house many times, I've often seen the case." "Possibly, but not with the initials "P. C."" "You see, the shop only put them on there to cover up a tear in the leather, the same day Chaundry picked up the case to take home to his wife." "So, you see, it wasn't possible for you to have seen those initials at any other time or any other place." "And now for the information of you youngsters who were slashing the upholstery and tearing out the seats during the denouement." "I would like to tidy up one of the story's loose ends," "Phyllis Chaundry." "She was arrested as an accessory and she and her husband Jack both went to prison." "An inspiring example of togetherness." "And now as a means of clearing the theatre without calling the police here is another commercial from the land of television after which I shall roll back." "I'm sure you will be interested in knowing that the soundtrack of the three commercial scenes tonight are available in the album" "Music To Cook Three Minute Eggs By." "The album is available in all speeds including reverse." "As well as in fi, both high and low." "Next week we shall have a completely new attraction as well as new seats and fresh popcorn." "Good night."