"In the history of higher education, no student has ever looked forward to an 8:00 a.m. lecture... unless they thought the professor giving it was dreamy." "Now, of course, his goal was to transform the Soviet Union into an industrial superpower." "Okay, Stalin is best in small doses, and some of you look like you want to crawl back into bed." "So if there aren't any questions..." "Sue?" "Uh, do you think Stalin's appointment as Secretary General allowed him to handpick his allies for government jobs?" "And if so, was it instrumental in him taking control of the Communist party?" "That is actually a great question." "Um, he did, indeed, take full control of the Communist party in 1924 after Lenin's death, and one of the reason..." "Hey, where you going?" "To the bedroom to watch the game." "Why?" "'Cause I thought you had the big TV tonight." "Wait, is it my night for the big TV?" "No, it's nobody's night for the big TV." " So, the big TV's open?" " No." "I'm just saying I thought maybe we could have dinner around the table together and, you know, listen to music or something." "Look, Frankie, if you want the big TV, just say it." "I don't want the big TV." "So, I..." "No." "S..." "I had a real epiphany tonight at the pizza place." "Oh, no." "Seriously." "There I was, picking up our one-millionth pizza, and I ran into this whole group of families from Brick's class... the Murphys, the Gelfands, the Trouts." "And they were all playing pinball and singing songs and really having a good time." "I literally don't know who any of those people are." "Exactly, and the worst part was they didn't even feel awkward about it 'cause it didn't even occur to them to invite us." "Yeah." " We're not even on their radar." " That's great!" "We should be celebrating." "We're finally off the grid." "I don't want to be off the grid." "Do you remember when Axl was in high school and there was that whole group of people we used to hang out with?" "And we'd go to football games and dinner." "We don't do any of that stuff Brick's friends." "And now all those people in his class are connected and we're sitting here with our sad slices of pizza, arguing about who gets the big TV." "I should've picked up the pizza." "No, Mike." "Listen." "If I make more of an effort and reach out to some of these people, will you at least come along?" "Hmm..." "Can I take my pizza and eat in front of the big TV right now?" " Yes." " Done." "Yeah!" "This tree has seen the Revolutionary War, and now they want to tear it down to put up a Java Jerry's!" "College kids don't exactly line up to attend their professor's office hours, but Sue wasn't taking any chances." "And that is why Stalin stayed put and ordered a scorched earth policy." "I've got three minutes left, so just hold your horses!" "You were saying about scorched earth?" "Hey, Sue." "So, listen." "I e-mailed some of the parents in Brick's class..." "And get this... they all said they were busy." "Even Molly Murphy, and we used to be close." "We made stone soup together when Brick was in the first grade." "Well, she brought the potatoes and the carrots and the bowls, but I ladled." "Anyway, I guess they're all in this big clique together, and now we're on the outside looking in." "Well, you tried." "What about Cindy's parents?" " Uh..." " Uh..." "Why not?" "They're very nice people." "I went away with them for that long weekend." " What?" " You did?" "I brought you back that mug." ""Chicago, my kind of town."" "Cindy and I have been dating for over a year now." "I would think you guys would want to meet her parents." " Well, Brick, the thing is..." " We don't want to meet them." " Mike." " What?" "She's weird, and they probably are, too." "Not necessarily." "I'm weird and you guys are normal." " That is true." " Come on." "You said you want to be more social, and you said you want to go out with someone from my class." "Well, Cindy's in my class, and I think it'd be a really fun time." "And it'd make me happy." "Great!" "I'll call Merv and LuEllen and work out the deets." "How did we go from having pizza in separate rooms to dinner with Merv and LuEllen?" "You look nice." "Where are you going?" "Just class." "Can you zip me up?" "Hutch drove our apartment to the engineering building, so I'll be taking my mid-morning nap here." "Inside voices please." "Just Axl!" "Oh!" "Hello." "I don't believe we've met." "No." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." "You are not going to date her." "Relax." "I'm not gonna date your roommate." "Of course, if I wanted to..." "it'd be a different story." "Oh, really?" "Do I have a say in this?" "Actually, you don't." "If I were to look at you, you'd dive into my eyes and we would be dating." "Oh, Axl." "Get over yourself." "Just to be safe, don't look at him." "What's with the fancy outfit?" "You going to some sort of Nerd Ball or something?" "No, I'm just going to class." "Not everyone dresses scuzzy like you." "Besides, I'm not even that dressed up." "Can you hand me my clutch?" "Yeah." "You know what?" "You should study in the library." "Come on." "Let's go." "Go, go, go, go, go, go, go." "Come on." "You people make me sick." "Hey, Pink Coat!" "You're a little late today." "Got to hop on that hamster wheel with the rest of the sheep." "And I know that sheep don't go on hamster wheels." "Hey, I got to yell at 2,000 people a day." "Not all of them are gonna be winners." "And that is what became known as de-Stalinization." "Uh..." "Sue?" "It's just so I don't forget anything." "Okay." "So that pretty much wraps up our section on Russia's role in World War II." "Now, for any of you that just can't get enough Stalin, you are invited to come over to my apartment this Friday night, hang out, and we'll talk a little bit more about this sweetheart of a guy." "Um, and starting things off around 7:00." "Oh, pbht!" "Want me to start a sign-up sheet for who's coming?" "Huh?" "No." "It's pretty casual." "Oh, what's the attire?" "Pretty casual, yeah." "It's all very, very casual." "Um, sorry." "You know what?" "Never mind." "I'll just ask you during office hours today." "Terrific." "So, this is great." "Boy, we've been trying to get this thing together for ages." "So, you a Pacers fan, Mike?" "You bet." "If they can keep Paul George" " Healthy." " Healthy..." "I'll be an even bigger fan." "Bigger fan." "So, LuEllen, could you believe that construction on the way over here?" "I'm not sure what you're asking." "Oh, I-I just didn't know if you guys took Route 4 to get here." "I'm sorry." "I don't know what you're getting at." "Boy, the food here is great." "H-Have you guys eaten here before?" "I-It's been here since 1957." "Oh, so you have?" "No." "Oh, this chicken Parmesan looks great." "What are you thinking about, Mike?" "Oh, I'm more of a" " meatloaf guy myself." " Meatloaf guy myself." "Oh, my God." "I feel like we've been here for 1,000 years." "Try four minutes." "I think it's going really well so far." "What dinner are you watching?" "We can't hear you." "Oh, we weren't talking about you." "We were talking about soup of the day, which is white bean." "I'm not usually a fan of beans outside of a dip format, but I might try this." "So you're all caught up." "Can I get you folks started with some drinks, or are you ready to order?" "Give me two seconds." "We need to borrow $700." "$700?" "It was $700, right, honey?" "Yes." "It's the rent on our house." "We owe the landlord $700, and if we don't pay him by the end of the week, we're gonna have to move away and live with my mother." "What?" "!" "I told you I don't want to live with Grandma!" "It's not up to us, Cindy." "It's up to Brick's parents." " Sue." " I might be a little early." "Ooh." "So, this is your apartment?" "You know, you don't really imagine your professors living places." "You just kind of think they show up to class." "But, obviously, they do, and here it is." "Oh, I love that tribal mask." "Oh, thanks." "Is it from Pottery Barn?" "Actually, I got it when I was a T.A. in Sudan studying the civil war." "Oh, they have a Pottery Barn there?" "Hey." "Oh, hi." "Yeah, come on in and make yourself comfortable." " Hey, how's it going?" " Hey." " Oh." "Oh." " Nice to see you." "Cool place, Professor." "Oh, no." "Oh." "No, no, no, no, no." "Nice plan, man." " Hi." " Hey, guys, how are you?" " Sue, are you okay?" " Yep." "Just got some thread from my wrap in the back of my throat, but..." "It's all good." "Well, good." "Looks like everybody's here and, uh, Sue's still breathing, so grab any seat you want and let's get our Stalin on." "Uh-oh." "Whoops." "Sorry." "That's my chair." "I've said it before... nothing good ever happens when you leave the house." "I can't believe they were talking about moving." "Oh, Brick, I know it's sad." "Well, it would have been sad." "What do you mean?" "They're not moving anymore 'cause you're giving them the money." "No, we are not." "What?" "!" "Brick, I know it's hard, but it's just not possible." "Why not?" "'Cause we don't have any money." "But you told Cindy's parents you were gonna think about it." "Oh, that's just a thing people say." "So you're not gonna think about it?" "Not even a little." "Brick, everyone knows when people say," ""I'll think about it," they're not gonna think about it." ""I'll think about it," always means no." "I can't believe you guys are doing this." "Cindy's the love of my life." "I may never see here again, and you don't even care." "We do care, but what they did is not normal." "You don't ask people you just met for $700." "Fine, maybe it is weird, but do it for me." "I never ask you guys for anything." "You paid for all of Axl's football expenses in high school." "You paid for Sue's braces and the thousands of things she's tried out for." "I never go anywhere." "I wear clothes from the cousin box." "You're literally making money off of me." "Brick, I understand that you're upset, and I know that this is just a huge deal for you." "So you'll loan them the money?" "We'll think about it." "We may have just had the night from hell, but Sue was in heaven." "That's interesting." "Professor Grant, can I say something?" "Yeah, absolutely." "And, guys, please, we're just hanging out here." "So, please, call me Nick." "And she did..." "I never thought of it that way, Nick." "That is a really good point, Nick." "I think that was the point that Nick was trying to make, in a way that really on Nick could." "But don't take my word for it." "Nick?" "After all, Nick, I may be alone here, but..." "Sue, you are alone here." "Oh, my gosh." "When did everybody leave?" "Some at 10:00, some at 11:00." "I didn't even notice." "Yeah, you were kind of in the zone there." "Oh, well, here." "Let me at least help you with dishes." "Oh, no, no, no." "You know, it's okay." "I'm just gonna throw them in the recycling anyway." "Really?" "In my house, we wash those and reuse them." "Well, you know, just the fancy stuff." "Everything else we throw out." "Except if it's, like, really nice, like a Cool Whip container or something." "You know, Sue, I really appreciate the offer, but, uh, it's getting late, and I just..." "I got a big day tomorrow, so I'm just gonna..." "Oh, totally." "No problem." "Tonight was awesome." "Hey, you know, maybe before I go you could just recap some of the major discussion points so I make sure I got everything." "H-Here's the thing, Sue." "As a professor, uh, sometimes we find that o-our students look up to us." "Oh, I so do, Nick." "Right, a-and sometimes, it's hard for a student to separate the material from the person teaching the material." "Not this gal." "I love it all." "W-What I'm saying here is... is that I think that your enthusiasm for my class might be for more than just the material." "I think what's going on here is that you might have just a... just a little crush on me, and that's nothing to be embarrassed about." "I got to go!" "Oh!" "Sorry!" "Oh!" " Bad table." "Sorry!" " Sue, no." "Sue?" "I'm humiliated!" "I'm mortified!" "What happened?" "My professor thinks I have a crush on him." "Why would he think that?" "Because I do!" "I thought I was being so cool, but obviously, I was being so obvious." "He had the whole class over at his apartment tonight, and I was the last one to leave." "So you hung around a cute professor's apartment a little too long." "It's not like you're stalking him." "When I was in his bathroom," "I put some of his aftershave on a cotton ball and I put it in my pocket." "Sue!" "Oh, the whole night was a disaster!" "I am never going to his class again." "I am dropping it tomorrow!" "There's like a month left in the semester." "You can't drop it." "I have no choice!" "There's nothing more embarrassing in the world than this." "Oh, my God!" "Oh!" " Found it." " Okay." "There you go." "What's with the hat?" "Hmm?" "Oh, uh, I've been thinking, and I do want to do sports." "I figured if I get started now, someday I could be a professional baseball man." "Really?" "Oh, yeah." "I'm passionate about it." "I'm just gonna need some equipment... a glove, a bat, a Lenny Dykstra Wheeler Dealer automatic pitching machine with nine-hour battery." "It's only $699.99." "Brick, every time we make toast, we take our lives in our hands." "We're not giving $700 to a total stranger." "But that's what you're supposed to do." "That's what Reverend Hayver says in church." "You're supposed to give to the people that are less fortunate than you." "In our defense, they're hard to find." "Listen, Brick, we do give to charity." "Every time I buy Oprah's "Favorite Things" bath salts, 10% of my purchase goes to clean water, orphans, polar bears, something." "So that's just the way it is?" "You guys get to decide everything and I don't even get a say?" "Cindy has to move because her parents are moving." "I can't help her because you guys won't give me the money." "Adults have all the power, and we're just pulled along for the ride." "Maybe if I was dating an orphaned polar bear," "I'd have better luck." "Because that is not a democracy." "That is an oligarchy!" "Oh, where's your pink coat, Pink Coat?" "You can't hide from me, just like you can't hide from your hypocrisy!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Okay, I know you want to save the earth, but you don't have to harass every person who walks by!" "Everyone is chained to something in this world." "Yours just happens to be a tree!" "And by the way, I happen to be a very tree-friendly person." "And you might know that if you just talked to me instead of screaming at me through your stupid megaphone!" "I'm sorry, I'm just really bored." "Yeah?" "Well, you should have thought of that before you chained yourself to a tree." " Hey, there." " Oh, hi." "Hi, Professor Grant." "Um, sorry I haven't been to class in a couple days." "Uh, I have this pottery class." "It's really super demanding." "I have an ashtray due Friday that I haven't even started glazing yet." "Well, actually, I came to see Jeremy here." "But if you could hang on one sec." "One sec." "Hey." "So, I brought you your quiz from last week." "You did well." "You got a 95%." "Oh, I can't believe I missed number two." "So, look, Jeremy." "I..." "I really appreciate what you're trying to do here." "It is, uh, easy to see and smell how passionate you are." "Um, but I think it's time that you came back to class." "I can't keep bringing you your tests and assignments every day, and I'm afraid that you're gonna fall behind." "But... and here's an idea... um, if you felt like you were ready to come back to class, then maybe Sue could catch you up to speed." "O-Of course, Sue, that would mean you'd have to come back to class." "Yeah, I don't know." "And, gosh, I can't even remember why you stopped coming to class in the first place." "Because I wandered into your closet and imagined where my stuff would go." "I'm trying something here, Sue." "Work with me a little bit?" "Ohh." "Ohh!" "This is a really nice moment." "Hey, Axl, can I ask you for some advice?" "Just clear your history." "No, Axl, I'm serious." "I'm your brother, Brick." "I'm happy to drop some knowledge on you as long as you ball socks while I do it." "How did you always get Mom and Dad to do what you wanted?" "Well, it depends what we're talking about." "If it was a curfew thing, usually butter them up, let Mom hug me and stuff." "No..." "I need Mom and Dad to lend Cindy's family $700 or they're gonna move away." "What would you say to that?" "I'd say, "Bye, Cindy."" "Look, I know it sucks losing a girl you really like, but it's not like you're the first guy it's ever happened to." "I was totally bummed when I lost Cassidy." "And the point is, Brick, there's gonna be a lot of other women in your life." "I don't want any other girls." "Well, the good news is no matter how bad things seem, everything in life ends up working out." "So you think Cindy will stay?" "I was talking about my life." "The good news for you is the Japanese are very close to perfecting the robot girlfriend." "Once they make a cheaper version, you could buy a tall one, name it Cindy." "I just don't know why Mom and Dad won't help me with this." "Well here's the thing about Mom and Dad..." "I think, for the most part, they want to make us happy..." "I would never say that in front of them 'cause once you give them praise, they'll just run with it..." "But I think if there was something they could do for you, they would." "Just not 700 bucks." "I know." "It's a lot of money." "I bought you a present." "Thanks." "I didn't get you anything." "I can't believe you're actually moving." "I know." "I wish your parents weren't so cheap." "We just have to be strong." "April 2nd... the day my life changed forever." "Hey, LuEllen." "Nice to see you again." "Looks like a beautiful day to travel." "Have a nice trip, Merv." " Sorry we couldn't help you out." " Help us out?" "Well, I guess we ought to separate" "Bogie and Bacall over there." "Okay, Brick." "Wrap it up." "Goodbye, Brick." "Goodbye, Cindy." "I'll call you when I get there." "Turns out, when Cindy's parents said they were moving away, they actually meant two houses away." "She never mentioned this to you?" "We don't talk that much." "Oh, I should take this." "Hello?" "Hey, Cindy." "She got there safe." "All right, everybody." "Great job on your essays." "Pleasantly surprised by all that progress." "So, we are..." "Hey, Pink Coat, how's it going?" "Going into the home stretch now." "Heading towards the final exams." "So, uh, we have these things to review." "Reviewing..." "We're gonna do a lot of that." "25% of your grade will be essay." "75% of it will be multiple choice."