"Previously on 'Boston Legal'..." "Clarence, wig off!" "Take off the wig." "Take off the wig, Clarence." "It's too high-pressure." "I have to be her." "You pass the bar, Clarence?" "Yes, but I could never practice." "I think we're gonna work on that." "I'm Buzz Lightyear here." "Ask anybody." "I've always been Buzz." "Now what is this really about?" "I'm pregnant." "I would like to know who the paternal parent is." "–What's going on?" "–The results are back." "–And?" "–And... it's Brad's." "You're off the hook." "Case number 36742." "The Commonwealth of Massachusetts vs George Cogins on the charge of aggravated assault." "Clarence?" "Bethany." "We've met at Crane, Poole  Schmidt." "Yes, hello." "What are you doing here?" "I came to get an appointment, a court appointment." "You're a lawyer?" "I, I went to law school." "I've never practiced, but I want to start." "Clarence Bell." "Bell, Bell, Bell..." "Is there an attorney Bell here or not?" "Does it look like we have all day here?" "When I call an attorney's name," "I expect him to step forward and get the hell over here." "Ms Gadios, here's your attorney." "Mr Bell, meet your client." "The defendant is remanded back to custody." "No bail." "We can conference on a trial date." "Next." "Hello." "Here's the file." "We should probably work something out, save us all a little time." "What is my client charged with?" "Funny." "Talk to your client." "Let me know what you want to do." "No, I didn't hear the case call." "What are the charges?" "The charges would be first degree murder." "Boston Legal 3×15 'Fat Burner'" "Please, don't hate me." "What have you done now?" "Oh, nothing really." "It just seems I've gotten myself slightly arrested." "Again." "Oh, please tell me you didn't shoot somebody." "No, this concerns an investment." "An investment?" "In a company, my company, actually." "I have things on the side." "That's what rich people do." "What kind of company, Denny?" "Well, we have solved the country's obesity problem and energy crisis." "Is that all?" "We convert human body fat into fuel." "Brilliant, right?" "Too much fat, not enough oil." "Would you care to know how we do it?" "Please." "Well, it seems that human fat is not so different in chemical makeup from vegetable oil, which has already been used in diesel engines." "So it was just a matter of getting the fat, which we did, from a local Boston hospital." "Ship it to Norway to a friend who converts it into fuel." "I take it that's illegal?" "Technically." "Oh, they're singling me out for prosecution 'cause it's Denny Crane." "Big name, big splash." "You know where I can find a good lawyer?" "It's never dull, Alan." "Admit it." "–Ow!" "Oh, yes!" "–Come on, daddy!" "You want to go in?" "Uh... okay." "Hello." "My name is Clarence Bell." "Do, do you speak English?" "Yes." "According to the complaint, you killed a man." "Yes." "Je suis restavek." "Oh, I, I don't know what that means." "I was his slave." "A slave?" "Yes." "Her parents sold her 11 years ago in Haïti." "Okay, wait, wait." "Let's back up." "Why are you taking court appointments?" "Clarence, you're a legal secretary, more importantly, mine." "The stomach flu has wiped out half the public defender's office." "They're asking for lawyers to pitch in and help." "I've always wanted to try a real case, so I went down there." "And decided to start off with something small like homicide?" "I didn't expect that." "Did the judge know you've never practiced before when he assigned you this?" "Uh, no." "Wow..." "Clarence, surely, you cannot do this." "I'd like to try." "It's first degree murder." "I can do this." "Represent you?" "Yes." "Against Denise?" "Yes." "For having your baby?" "For not having it." "A father has to have some rights." "No, have you read Roe?" "Roe is vulnerable, especially with our supreme court." "I think this would be a good test case." "How can a father have legal and financial responsibilities for a child, yet no rights whatsoever?" "Because that's the law." "If men want to have babies and carry them to full term..." "Aha!" "Aha?" "Is that a legal concept I'm not aware of?" "A woman's body, a woman's choice." "That is the thrust of Roe, but the science is changing." "A fertilized embryo can be taken from the birth mother, transferred to a surrogate." "And a woman isn't forced to carry a baby to term." "Brad, the medical technology is not there yet." "What's the risk?" "A baby dies during an abortion anyway." "What you're proposing is ridiculous." "I, I'm not going to do it and..." "It's my baby, Shirley." "Brad... it's my choice, not yours." "–Denise..." "Shut up." "And my choice... is to have this child." "So you can stop all this crap right now." "You must be very pleased." "I like my job, if that's what you mean." "You're especially liking it today." "I am." "My client is just an investor, a passive one at that." "He's the majority shareholder in the company, and its president." "I collect titles." "Hobby, passive." "You sold medical waste, Mr Crane." "That's a crime." "A hospital in Miami does the very same thing." "That hasn't been confirmed." "What I can confirm is that if I were a district attorney in Florida," "I'd go after the hospital." "But I'm not a district attorney in Florida." "I am a district attorney in Massachusetts, so I'm going after Denny Crane." "I know judges, I know jurors." "I'm rich." "–Denny..." "You're going down, Denny Crane, at last." "Denny Crane never goes down." "Except as a lover." "I'm a giver in bed." "Is that relevant?" "I am not passing judgment on your ability, Clarence, but I have to worry about this firm's exposure." "I simply cannot allow you to do a murder trial." "This woman could sue us for malpractice." "I got Bethany Horowitz to back me up." "What, that little person with the mouth?" "She said she'd second chair if I needed her." "What are the facts of this case, anyway?" "She came here from Haïti after being bought as a slave when she was 7." "She's pregnant with her owner's child." "He said he planned to sell the baby." "They got into an altercation, and she stabbed him." "Just out of curiosity, what would be your defense?" "Temporary insanity." "She just snapped." "Well, as I said, I am sorry, but I cannot let you do this as a member of this firm." "Clarence..." "Maybe I could back you up." "Really?" "Let me meet with your client." "Thank you." "–Hey." "–Hey." "So... word is, you're gonna have the baby." "Yeah." "That's fantastic." "You know, when my daughter was born... well, it changes everything." "It's a fantastic thing, Denise." "I'm really looking forward to it." "And we are absolutely sure it's Brad's?" "Oh, yes." "Jeffrey, you don't have to worry." "–Okay." "Well, good, good." "Last thing I need right now." "Congratulations again." "Thanks." "My family sold me to the Boitelles when I was 7 years old." "This was back in Haïti?" "Yes, my family had many debts." "So they sold you?" "What's with these stupid Haïtians?" "They're into slaves?" "I'm sure most Haïtians are nice, law-abiding people." "There." "Are we covered?" "The family that purchased you, when they moved to America, they brought you with them?" "I belong to them." "How old are you, Ania?" "18." "Did he ever beat you or whip you or throw you on the ground and kick you?" "What?" "They're legitimate questions." "What happened that night, Ania?" "Monsieur Boitelle just said he was going to sell my child." "What a pig!" "And he is the baby's father?" "Yes." "I belong to him." "We got a call from the head of port security." "An officer became concerned when he had a situation." "Can you tell us what?" "They found 50 containers labeled "Spirit Technologies."" "It didn't look right, so we opened one up and analyzed it." "And what did you find?" "Medical waste being shipped by Spirit Technologies, a company traced to the defendant, to Norway." "That's a foreign country." "Thank you." "We notified the AG's office at once." "They contacted homeland security and ultimately referred it to your office, and well, now we're here." "Anybody get sick?" "No." "No thanks to the lawlessness of your client." "These were standard medical waste containers." "–Yes, but the..." "–Sealed in double 3-millimeter bags and shipped in leak-proof, rigid, puncture-resistant, shatter-proof, red containers." "Medical waste, by law, must be disposed of and rendered noninfectious by legally mandated methods." "It's certainly not to be sold like a commodity." "You seem upset." "He committed a crime, your honor, which put the public at risk." "He committed a terrible crime." "Can I get you to take a position on that?" "All right." "Very funny." "Funny man." "He thinks he's a funny man." "Clarence, you will take the direct examination of Ania." "Can you?" "Yes." "And you will conduct the cross of the victim's wife." "I'll handle the doctors and do the closing." "Why should you get to close?" "You're so old." "Must you always be so unpleasant?" "I'm a very nice person." "It just takes a nice person to bring it out in me." "Shirley, you have a sec?" "–Sure." "–I'll make it quick." "I have decided to give you my letter of resignation." "What?" "Why?" "Well, I want to be at a smaller firm, so..." "What firm?" "I don't know yet, but I'll look and..." "What's going on?" "You don't resign from someplace without having another place to go." "I've had enough of it here." "Enough what?" "Isolation." "I don't fit in." "I'm done trying, so I'm moving on." "There must be some precipitating..." "There isn't." "I'm not happy here, so I'm leaving." "I'm going to have to put you on the stand." "That's fine with me." "What do we talk about?" "Denny, I'm concerned." "The term "medical waste" has all of these frightening connotations, fears of people growing a third leg or cancer or..." "Well, if we spilled it, chances are, we spilled it in Norway, so who cares?" "It all has a reckless feel to it." "Denny, you have to be very careful up there." "You must be reasonable and judicious, reserved, all the things you're not." "I'm gonna tell you something you don't know about me." "–Oh, boy." "I'm a master, an absolute master of..." "It'll come to you." "Emotion." "Trials don't turn on facts." "It always comes down to emotion." "I'll have that jury eating out of my lap." "–Hand." "–I'll be riveting." "They will cry for me, Alan." "When I tell them my story, they will cry for me." "Why?" "What's your story?" "You ask the questions." "I will answer them from deep in here." "How can you just abandon me?" "I'm not abandoning you." "You brought me here, Jeffrey." "And you love it." "I've never seen you so happy." "Well, you can't just leave." "Just heard." "Yeah, I'm sure you're crushed." "I'm disappointed, actually." "Despite our differences, you were beginning to grow on me." "Yeah, like a wart." "Look, I don't mean to be presumptuous enough to think I had anything to do with your decision, but if I did, I'm sorry." "It's not you, Brad." "Is it me?" "Yes." "So... if the baby was yours, you, you would have stayed?" "I don't know." "Maybe this is the final humiliation before..." "I will tell you this," "I don't believe in that "friends with benefits" thing." "If someone can make love to a person and not feel, there's something wrong with him." "Or her." "Would you please describe for the court your living conditions at the Boitelles?" "I had a room, a bed." "Would you please describe for the court how Mr Boitelle treated you?" "He treated me like restavek." "Would you please describe for the court what a restavek is?" "It means "slave."" "Would you please describe for the court what it meant to be a slave?" "Counsel, are you going to lead off every question with "would you please describe"?" "What the hell?" "Are you not feeling well?" "We don't have all day, Mr Bell." "Was sex involved in your servitude, Ania?" "Yes." "Did you ever initiate sex with Mr Boitelle?" "No." "What would have happened to you if you declined sex with Mr Boitelle?" "You can't even imagine doing that, can you?" "No." "Why didn't you run away?" "The police would just bring me back." "Then I would be beaten." "Plus, I had no place to go." "The night... you took Mr Boitelle's life, can you tell us what happened?" "My baby, he told me they were going to sell him." "I argued, and he hits me." "I protested more!" "I was not going to let him!" "And he hit me again." "I took up a kitchen knife, and he made a move to either hit me again or... and I pushed with the knife and... and he fell." "I didn't mean to kill him." "He just fell." "I thought she held up on cross." "Okay, Bethany, you'll take the cross on the wife." "We already covered that." "You think I have the memory of a guppy?" "I'll take the doctors." "Then we'll see where we are." "–Clarence?" "–Yes?" "I think you did an excellent job." "Really?" "–You got in everything you needed to." "You were great." "So you want to remind me again that I'm crossing the wife?" "Oh, shut up." "There comes a point when a man wants to make a difference." "And your particular difference would be?" "Fat." "Did you just say "fat"?" "Well, think about it." "We're the most obese country in the world." "Look around you." "Him, her." "You could lose a few." "–Denny..." "And I thought, why blame fast foods and the like?" "Wouldn't it be better if we put it all to good use?" "Mr Crane, if I may, how did you first come up with this idea?" "Well, first off, I didn't." "There's a hospital in Miami that already ships its fat off to Norway for fuel conversion." "But what motivated you?" "Honestly?" "My uncle Bill." "–Uncle Bill?" "–Yeah." "He used to take me around with him everywhere he went when I was a kid." "He was larger than life." "I mean, truly." "He was... he tipped the scales at 300, but he was so full of love and, yes, joy." "We've all got that uncle, haven't we?" "Well, he got diabetes, and it killed him." "And I remember sitting beside his hospital bed... it was towards the end, and I commented on how much I admired him for his love of life, and he started to cry a little." "Why?" "He said, "to love life is to love others,"" ""and, uh, if you really want to share that love,"" ""you've got to give something back." And... and he felt he hadn't." "He felt broken, and he was gonna die, and he hadn't..." "So ever since," "I've been trying to come up with some way to make uncle Bill's life matter." "And that's when I started the business." "Our motto is "what if?"" "And we did it." "And there's actually 132 people who come to work every day with the idea they're gonna save the planet." "Wow." "That's, that's something." "And for me, privately," "I suppose it's not a matter of saving the planet so much as it is.... giving back... to somebody..." "I so loved and still miss." "My uncle Bill." "I walked in to find Ania standing over my husband with a knife." "He was dead." "Can you think of any reason why Ania would kill him?" "No, she was our housekeeper." "We looked after her." "We loved her." "I can't possibly understand this." "And to your knowledge, did the defendant have any reason to feel her life was threatened by you or your husband?" "Absolutely not." "She knows we love her like family." "You know it, Ania." "How much does a 7-year-old girl cost these days in Haiti?" "Ania's family solicited the arrangement." "Our customs are different in my country." "So this member of your family was your 8-year-old housekeeper?" "We brought her out of the streets and gave her a life." "A life?" "What school did Ania attend?" "–We home-schooled her." "–Did she have any friends?" "Because we couldn't find a record of any children who claim to have ever seen her or played with her, not even on your own block." "In Haïti, nearly half of all children die before the age of 5." "Move to strike." "Relevance." "No, that's relevant." "Half die before the age of 5." "How dare you say that's not relevant?" "Ania lived with no running water, shared a mattress with three other children, was riddled with lice, sometimes went days without food." "Did you plan to sell Ania's baby?" "We would never sell a child." "Right, you only buy them." "Objection." "My husband didn't deserve this." "He loved you, Ania." "He loved you." "The law is the law." "Human waste must be disposed of." "It is not to be sold." "The fact that there may be a hospital in Miami also peddling human fat is neither persuasive nor relevant." "That man put our community at risk for hundreds of communicable diseases." "This was not just a harmless violation." "He risked my safety, yours, your children's." "The law is the law." "How come the other side always has short closings?" "The law doesn't expressly cover the sale of medical waste, because the lawmakers never considered the idea." "Lawmakers tend to see only what is and then legislate it." "And truth be told," "I'd never heard of human fat being turned into fuel before." "Had any of you?" "–Uh, objection." "Counsel is seeking to establish a dialogue with the jury." "It's inappropriate." "Turns out, we've got all kinds of viable fuel alternatives that we don't really bother to explore." "Biodiesel can be manufactured from vegetable oil, animal fats, even recycled restaurant grease." "Ethanol, I had heard of that one, is an alcohol-based fuel." "Why aren't we aggressively developing that one?" "Uh, hydrogen, that's coming, but we don't seem to be in a rush." "Methanol is a wood alcohol." "And then, of course, there's electricity, which we don't use simply because..." "I've forgotten." "Why don't we have electric cars?" "Did we get rid of them because they're the most efficient?" "I bet it was because those who actually drove them claim to love them." "Objection." "He's drifting off point." "It's inappropriate." "And then there's oil." "We ignore all those other cleaner-burning fuel alternatives for oil." "And sure, it's not so efficient, it's expensive, it pollutes the air, but it gets presidents elected." "And after all, this is the United States of America." "We love oil." "We do charity work in the Middle East 'cause of it." "We're oil people." "–Mr Shore... –Yes, judge?" "–This case, please." "Yes, this case is about a man searching for an alternative to fossil fuels." "Not to put your children and grandchildren at risk, but perhaps to save them." "The world is dying, folks." "Global warming is real, and what's even more real is that Americans are fat." "And because we're fat, we're burning billions of gallons of gasoline carting ourselves around." "We love fat." "It leads to more profits for the oil companies, and as oil people, we're— –Mr Shore..." "How about instead, we harvest the fat?" "We already are, if you think about it." "We have about a half-million liposuctions a year in this country." "That's now, without the philanthropic bonus." "You can imagine how that number would surge if we could not only look thinner with the procedure, but could also power our SUV's." "This man decided to try." "He said to himself, "what if?"" "He founded a company on the idea, to save the planet, to save you and you." "Maybe you, but he wants to throw him in jail, because the lawmakers lack the imagination to see hope in the future of medical waste." "Throw this man in jail." "He seems to do all his thinking inside a square box." "Put him in a cell." "–Inappropriate." "When do we all wake up?" "The ice caps are melting." "The polar bears are dying." "Planet Earth is in trouble, and we still burn oil like there's no tomorrow, which might be a self-fulfilling prophecy." "Denny Crane tried to make a difference by doing something for you, for you, for me, for him, of all people." "And, yes, most of all... for uncle Bill." "Too much?" "Go ahead, laugh away." "I won't laugh." "It's something I do on occasion when I have low blood sugar or I have to..." "I throw it on, and it makes me feel really good, as stupid as that sounds and is." "Now I can't get it off." "What do you mean, you can't get it off?" "I must have damaged it in the fight with Brad." "A buckle snapped off when I... now I'm gonna have to get cut out of it, I think." "Let me see." "You, you are stuck." "So if you don't mind," "I'm just gonna hang out in my office until after hours, so the last image people have of me in this place isn't..." "Jeffrey, clearly, you're not happy here, but for the record, while people may not adore you, they very much like you." "Maybe I don't like myself in this fast-paced... perhaps the reason I was hoping it was my baby... was the idea that I could somehow get the time back that I missed with my daughter 'cause I was so busy." "Anyway." "Thank you, Shirley, for everything." "And I do mean that." "Don't hole up here till after hours." "Leave with your head high." "As Buzz Lightyear?" "To infinity and beyond." "Being held that long in captivity, it's almost impossible to determine her true mental state." "But certainly, brainwashing had to take place." "She understood her actions." "Was she angry?" "Yes." "Outraged, I'm sure." "But she wasn't insane, in my opinion." "Yes, she was." "No, she wasn't." "She was." "–Not." "–Too!" "–Not." "–Too!" "Not." "Well, I'd say we got the edge in medical testimony, but it was mainly a wash." "I'm concerned about your closing." "You don't pop." "Clarence, how would you feel about closing?" "–Me?" "–You were extremely sympathetic." "Not all of us were." "I think the jury liked you, and more importantly, they trusted you." "The summation?" "You don't need to orate." "Just talk to them." "I..." "I, I, I don't know." "You can do it, Clarence, and you need to." "He doesn't pop." "–Try to take deep breaths." "–Why?" "Denny, have you considered that we may lose?" "Yes, but I didn't try this case." "So even if we lose, I'm still undefeated." "The idea of jail doesn't bother you?" "Listen, my friend, there's only one thing I can't do without, sex." "A lot of sex takes place in prison." "Do you know what kind of sex?" "Has the jury reached a verdict?" "We have, your honor." "What say you?" ""In the matter of the Commonwealth vs Denny Crane"" ""on the charge of violation of Massachusetts general law chapter 105, section 480,"" ""we find the defendant Denny Crane."" "Oh, uh, not guilty." "–Damn right." "–Very well." "Scotch!" "You're buying." "Oh, you're celebrating real classy." "Oh, look." "It's the L.T. Pout." "Blame it on our head coach, sport." "There was no deadly threat of any kind to justify self-defense." "There was no medical evidence to support insanity." "She just got mad." "She had enough, and she acted out." "That's murder." "As for this captivity and brainwashing, she had years to walk out the door." "She could have just called the police." "Even if you believe everything the defendant has told you, it's murder." "She picked up a knife, and she stabbed a man." "That's murder." "My client was born into a culture of slavery, where restaveks did not have the free will to resist their owners." "She was brought to the United States at the age of 7." "She lived her life in servitude." "Slave trafficking around the world yields about $9 billion a year." "In Haïti, it's a way of life, so much so that when girls like Ania are sold as children, they simply accept it." "Whatever Mr Boitelle wanted, labor, sex... it was her duty to provide it." "But when he threatened to take her baby, she snapped." "The district attorney says Ania wasn't insane that night." "How could she know?" "How could any of us imagine?" "If somebody wanted to sell your baby, told you he would sell it as he beat you, you sure you wouldn't snap?" "You sure?" "It's stuck on." "Don't laugh." "Okay." "Well..." "Are you leaving Boston?" "Oh, no, no, no, no." "It turns out I, I like Boston, so who knows?" "We'll probably meet across the table someday." "I'm looking forward to it." "Good luck with the pregnancy, Denise." "I wish you nothing but happiness." "Thank you." "Don't be a stranger." "I won't." "I'm gonna miss you most of all, scarecrow." "Well..." "To infinity." "(Randy Newman's "you've got a friend in me")" "♫ You've got a friend in me ♫" "♫ you've got a friend in me ♫" "♫ when the road looks rough ahead ♫" "♫ and you're miles and miles from your nice, warm bed ♫" "♫ you just remember what your old pal said ♫" "♫ oh, you've got a friend in me ♫" "♫ yeah, you've got a friend in me ♫" "All right." "Madam Foreperson, you will announce your verdict for the court." ""In the matter of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts vs Ania Gadios"" ""on the charge of murder in the first degree,"" ""we find the defendant"" ""not guilty"" ""by reason of temporary insanity."" "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, on behalf of the Commonwealth," "I thank you for your service." "Please return to the jury room." "From there, you will be dismissed." "This case is adjourned." "Thank you all so much." "Good luck, Ania." "He loved you." "He never would have hurt you." "I'm sorry, Mrs Boitelle." "Well, you have your freedom." "Good-bye." "I'm your restavek." "Not anymore." "What do I do now?" "You're free, Ania." "I'm her restavek." "You know, I'm growing rather fond of being arrested." "It's nice to be the center of things." "Alan, thank you for everything." "I'm sure your closing was brilliant." "–You didn't listen?" "–In and out." "They're just so long." "Do you even have an uncle Bill?" "I didn't think so." "Had an auntie Billie." "We used to call her "Bill" sometimes." "Harelip." "Did you have that little story planned, or did you just wing it?" "Planned, planned?" "You don't plan sincerity." "You gotta make it up on the spot." "Why do you think we're so recalcitrant when it comes to... exploring new sources of energy?" "You think the oil companies sabotage our progress there?" "No." "You think they killed the electric car?" "No." "You think there's any real hope for us against global warming?" "You want hope?" "Right here, my friend." "I see a glimmer or two right there." "Maybe we should have a big steak tonight." "Potatoes... we need to do what we can." "A little baked Alaska for dessert." "Because we care." "To us." "Visionaries." "Pioneers." "Fat."