"NARRATOR:" "At this very moment, young Olive Snook was nine years, 39 weeks, 19 hours, 59 minutes old and dressed to the nines." "Though she looked the picture of perfection young Olive felt the very picture of neglection." "The party in full swing was the cause of her parents' current distraction." "But young Olive learned a lesson long ago." "She learned her mother and father did not need a diversion to be distracted from their daughter." "Young Olive dreamed of a life where she was actively loved and only occasionally ignored." "As happens often with Olive Snook, her dreams came true." "Just not quite how she intended." "According to her parents' testimony young Olive Snook had been stolen away in a stolen vehicle by dangerous car thieves and kidnappers Jerry Holmes and Roy "Buster" Bustamante." "Their daughter was held for one day, one hour and 11 minutes before Jerry and Buster made their first ransom call." "Distraught and hearfbroken Olive's parents agreed to pay the undisclosed sum and contacted the police." "The police then set a trap." "The little girl/future jockey/pie-waitress-to-be watched as her abductors walked into the trap." "Jerry Holmes and Buster Bustamante were sentenced to 25 years to life." "8264 hash marks on a wall later Jerry Holmes and Buster Bustamante busted out of the big house with only one person on their mind:" "Olive Snook who was, at this very moment, hanging from the pie-maker she loved who could never love her, or so she thought." "I'm sorry you never looked at me the same way you look at Chuck." "I wouldn't say never." "NARRATOR:" "Confused not by the particulars but by this particular usage Olive read about sentence structure and the use of the double negative." "And with passive-aggressive panache, broached the subject with the Pie-Maker." "Try this one again." "I definitely don't hate it." "What?" "Just what I said." "Means you like it?" "You tell me." "Wasn't less tasty than Kick-in-kumquat, but more unfulfilling than Amade-quince." "I don't like giving funny names to the pies." "Does it not seem disrespectful?" "There you go." "You did it again." "What did I do again?" "Are you okay?" "You've been acting a little unusual." "I got stress from the cliff dive that almost turned us into canyon patties." "We're safe now, Olive." "I know, but the whole thing keeps repeating on me like a broken record or Mexican food." "You know, the more you face your trauma the less power it has over you." "Okay, so there we were, about to die...." "Get down, Olive." "You're gonna hurt yourself." "That's right, Ned." "Oh, I'm slipping." "I can't hold on much longer." "If there's anything to say, now would be the time." "Speak in declarative only, using affirmative or comparative modifiers." "People are eating pie." "Ding dong, Daddy." "Ding dong." "That is heaven." "Pearway to Heaven." "It's new." "Now that I'm out of dead-waking and back to pie-baking and no longer touching dead fruit, I can eat my own pie." "I'm gonna get fat." "While you're busy getting fat there's a dead lady getting fished out of the fountain." "I got a good feeling about it." "Ambulance sirens blaring, and I got my chasing shoes on." "You don't want to untie those apron strings and lace up those chasing laces?" "My apron is staying on with its strings securely tied in a double-figure-eight knot." "I for one" " And you should be for two." "am supportive of your decision." "Because that's what friends do." "They support each other." "Look here." "Zappity-zap nearly turned things to crappity-crap on account of dead girl and her digging up dead Daddy." "I apologize for that." "I wanna lead a normal life of a guy who just makes pies." "Who wants to be Superman?" "Not me." "I say no to "super" and yes to "man."" "I'm Clark Kent." "Well, that's just downright crap-tastic, Clark." "I now have a large amount of work to do on account of no one here wants to touch a dead lady so I can ask who killed her." "Emerson, Emerson." "What about me?" "No conversation I want to have begins with those words." "I got work to do." "Work you don't have to do alone." "I mean, I may not be Superman, but I'm smart and I'm helpful." "I mean, maybe I could be your sidekick." "The Alive-Again Avenger, back from the dead to solve her own murder and stayed to bring justice to murder victims with the help of a crusty, streetwise gumshoe." "That would make me the sidekick." "I'm good either way." "All right then, sidekick avenger." "Since we no longer have Superman and his super finger let me let you know this is an entirely different ball game." "This game is all about the hustle." "I love the hustle." "[POLICE SIREN WAILING]" "Body's identified off an employee ID from Dicker's Department Store as Erin Embry." "What's that smell?" "It's like Aunt Lily on a Sunday" " Like Mom on a Sunday." "Single-malt Scotch." "Something I could use a shot of right now." "Cops think this was an accident." "Woman still in the holiday spirit guzzles too many spirits." "Does a Gene Kelly around the rosy, slips, bonks her noggin..." "...ends up in the fountain." "Froze when the temperature dipped." "This is just a great big waste of my time." "Ain't no case here." "I'm not done with the hustle." "Well, you're gonna be dancing by yourself." "NARRATOR:" "But instead of dancing by herself Chuck found another parfner to hold her hand in the only way he could." "Winter is my new best friend." "We should move to the South Pole." "I don't know if they need pie in the South Pole." "Puts a wrinkle in my freshly starched life as a normal guy who makes pies." "I'd give it up if I could hold your hand." "What, the pie or the normal?" "Either." "I'd prefer to have my pie and normal it too." "Where are we going?" "Dicker's Department Store." "That poor girl Erin Embry was murdered, and she used to work in Dicker's." "Murdered?" "I thought her death was an accident." "They dismiss murders as accidents every day." "They could have dismissed my murder as an accident, said that I slipped and fell overboard as opposed to what really happened." "I was strangled and thrown overboard." "NED:" "Is this Dicker's Department Store?" "Mm-hm." "That is just like the fountain where Erin died." "That mannequin is wearing the exact same dress Erin was wearing and the same shoes." "This is the scene of the crime." "Hey, the Alive-Again Avenger." "Yay." "Yay." "Let's find Emerson and tell him Erin's murder is displayed in Dicker's Department Store." "I'm not an avenger." "I'm a pie maker." "I'm not gonna pretend to be something I'm not." "I'm gonna go to the Pie Hole, make my moniker proud." "I'm gonna go and avenge and make my moniker proud." "Who needs a Superman?" "You're my hero." "NARRATOR:" "While the Pie-Maker lingered on his Alive-Again Avenger Randy Mann, a taxidermist who once paid for friends came to the Pie Hole bearing a gift." "But said gift wasn't the first priority of his visit." "Hi ho, pie bro." "OLIVE:" "Who you calling "ho"?" "Oh, Randy Mann." "Miss Olive, I meant no offense by that "ho."" "The intent was to be jolly, not derogatory." "Is the Pie-Maker present?" "Uh-uh." "No?" "I'll wait." "Can I get you a slice of pie?" "One slice of everything please." "Starting with your favorite of the day." "I don't think eating that much food is wise." "Are those the birds Ned had you stuff?" "Yeah, birthday present for his magician brothers." "Wow." "Wow's good, right?" "Wow means you like it?" "Yeah." "Boy, you sure do turn those birds around fast." "When starting a new business it's important not to keep the customer waiting." "NARRATOR:" "More imporfant to Randy Mann was keeping himself from waiting to see Olive Snook." "And he wasn't the only person who couldn't wait to see Olive Snook." "Jiminy convicts." "Those are the guys that kidnapped me when I was a little girl." "Snook." "Snook." "NARRATOR:" "Olive Snook had closed early but not due to a lackadaisical work ethic or lack of patrons." "Oh, my God, Randy-- Olive, did you hit him?" "Did she hit you?" "No, he hit me." "I got a low platelet count and 0 percent body fat." "That's a one-two punch for bruising." "That'd be funny if I hadn't been the one who got punched." "OLIVE:" "I told you not to do it." "Sucker punch." "Yeah, sucker punch" "Take it easy, tough guy." "Could've been a whole lot worse." "Olive, who are these guys?" "Who are any of us, really?" "They're her childhood kidnappers." "They weren't exactly kidnappers." "NARRATOR:" "What they were exactly was this:" "Jerry and Buster were petty thieves, but they were not kidnappers." "They were in the wrong car at the wrong time and were not alone." "Young Olive Snook had stowed away in their recently stolen car hoping the old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder" would teach her neglectful parents a lesson." "Jerry and Buster wanted to return the little girl to her parents right away." "What's your name, pickle?" "But despite their attempts, she refused to tell them her name." "Their argument was hushed so young Olive would not hear that repeated calls to her parents had gone unanswered." "And so as not to disturb Olive's love of cartoons." "[ALL LAUGHING]" "The two days, 12 hours and 19 minutes young Olive Snook spent with Jerry Holmes and Buster Bustamante were the best 2 days, 12 hours and 19 minutes of her young life." "It was also the best of theirs." "After explaining the situation, the two men realized young Olive's parents hadn't even known she was gone." "They confronted the Snooks on their derelict parenting skills." "Mom and Dad Snook took umbrage and called the authorities." "As it was their word against the word of two petty thieves the now-accused kidnappers were sent away for the maximum the law would allow." "Knowing what she'd lost the minute they were gone young Olive vowed to keep in touch." "She wrote them every week and never forgot and they, in turn, never forgot her." "NED:" "Did you guys just get out?" "Just." "Escaped." "The word that's supposed to follow that "just" is "escaped."" "He's holding a grudge over the shiner." "A grudge-holder, huh?" "It's wonderful that you came to see me." "It won't be when the police come for ex-cons and happen upon other ex-people we rather they didn't." "Which is why we need our Snook here to help get us across the border." "It's the least I can do." "You never should have gone to jail, but no one would believe me." "What do we always say about the past?" "It makes an ass out of you and me." "Back to escaped from jail?" "Am I the only one who finds that troubling?" "Who's the worrywart?" "That's Ned." "He owns the place." "JERRY  ROY:" "The Pie-Maker?" "Boys...." "Nudge your grudge off of that stool, crankypants so I can get a look at the baker man who's gonna marry our little girl." "But I thought you were...?" "Actually...." "Olive." "Me and Olive...." "NARRATOR:" "The Pie-Maker considered how the truth would humiliate Olive and devastate the two sweet men, whose only happiness came from knowing the little girl they loved most was loved most by the Pie-Maker." "So he said..." "Me and Olive love each other very much." "NARRATOR:" "And once again, Olive's dream came true." "Just not quite how she intended." "Olive told me about Jerry and Buster during our late-night talks." "We usually talk about Olive, because I'm a kind of all-or-nothing girl." "Since I can't tell her the truth, it's mostly" "[EMERSON SNORES]" "Little peewee bother to mention she told papa number one and two that your man ain't your man, he's hers." "No, she didn't." "Loaning pie-boyfriend to your bestie to pull the wool over papa's peepers gives a bad idea the will to live." "That's why I'm peeved." "I can't avenge when I'm peeved." "You're no good to me focusing on your lady peeves." "Now Ned and Olive are on a romantic run to the border." "Actually, I don't know why I'm upset." "It's just for one day." "I'm being ridiculous." "That can happen in a day." "So is this the final repose of Erin Embry?" "CHUCK:" "That's my theory." "Nice hustle, sidekick avenger." "Looks to me Erin Embry was more than some spritzer girl..." "...annoying folks with perfume." "Erin wasn't annoying people." "She was dazzling them with fantastic worlds within the proscenium arch of the window frame." "Erin Embry dressed this window?" "Along with Coco Juniper." "Although it was common knowledge that Erin was the one with the true talent." "Erin could do things with a mannequin Coco could never do." "Who in the hell are you people?" "We're devotees." "Fans of Erin and, to a lesser extent, Coco's." "But we prefer the term devotees." "Any of these devotees seem a little overly devoted?" "Appropriately devoted, but overly devastated by Erin's death." "Which is soon to be avenged." "If the Alive-Again Avenger hustles this case to fruition..." "...am I still the sidekick?" "Yes." "If the Alive-Again Avenger wanted to hustle she'd get me paid." "Is it true?" "Erin was murdered?" "Murdered?" "That's what he said." "Isn't that Emerson Cod?" "Why would he be here if there was no foul play?" "Why, if there was no foul play?" "I'd give my last nickel to find out what happened to Erin..." "...and bring that killer to justice." "Yeah." "MAN:" "Me too." "Me too." "ALL:" "We all would." "Welcome to Dicker's." "I'm Dick Dicker, owner and proprietor." "What can I help you fine folks find today?" "A new frilly frock for the missis?" "A bespoke pinstripe from the B and T section for you, sir?" "Pocket square, may-haps?" "Name's Emerson Cod." "I'm a private investigator." "My associate and I were hired to look into Erin Embry's death." "I'm confused." "Why would you be hired to look into something that the police decided was an accident?" "A tragic one at that." "It still very well may be, but that's what we intend to find out." "Was Erin doing well here at Dicker's?" "Erin was doing very well here at Dicker's." "And Dicker's was doing very well because of Erin." "And to a lesser extent Coco." "Coco Juniper?" "Yes." "Erin and Coco's perfectly dressed windows created congestion in pedestrian traffic." "Which created a looky-loo gridlock zone at our front door which created an overflow of potential purchasers funneling through that door, which created retail sales." "Their work here meant everything to Dicker's." "Any idea if that collaboration was copacetic?" "Dicker's is a family store." "Erin was a part of that family." "This store, its employees and those people outside are in mourning." "No one more so than Coco Juniper." "COCO:" "Hm." "Uh." "Uh-huh." "Well, it's so wrong." "No, wrong would be relative, as if you had gotten within the realm of what would be considered right." "Are you wincing?" "No." "CHUCK:" "Ahem." "Coco, about Erin...?" "Erin Embry was my partner." "Didn't know until she was gone that she was also my inspiration and my light." "Without Erin Embry, I'm left with...." "CHUCK:" "And yourself." "I mean, so what if Erin can do things you could never do." "Who said Erin could do things with a mannequin I could never do?" "I never said that, ever." "Well, despite what you may have heard, I carried Erin." "I was just being gracious before." "You are aware Erin died in a scenario exactly like the one in your window of the Papen fountain." "You realize that makes you a suspect." "Yes, along with everybody else in this room." "Denny, did you kill Erin?" "No, Coco." "Neither did I." "What's this?" "Oh, it's for the memorial window." "I think it's chic as hell." "Or it's going to be." "If this is what you think's chic, could you go back to pairing bobby socks and training bras in the juniors department?" "We're unveiling the Erin Embry memorial window tonight." "It's my unveiling too." "Everyone will see once and for all who can do what." "CHUCK:" "Excuse us." "Maybe Coco's gone loco, and killed Erin so she could have her solo window." "We need to be at that unveiling just in case Coco did go loco for sure-co." "NARRATOR:" "What Emerson and Chuck did not know was as they took a long, hard look at the main suspect they had the killer was taking a long, hard look at them." "NARRATOR:" "At this very moment, Randy Mann was confused." "I'm confused." "I thought you and Chuck" "Not a good time, Randy." "Sorry about the cramped quarters." "I just got a new account with the zoo." "There is a very lucrative after-market for exotic animals." "Aloysius back there is going to a major retail outlet to promote big savings." "Hop up on your guy's lap there, okay?" "My jingle's gotta have some room to jangle." "Oh, I am...." "Come on." "Okay, then." "Say, Frenchie were you around to taxidermy any of those fish in the Pie Hole..." "...when the river backed up?" "You told them about that?" "Fish are the only animals I won't work on." "When fish die, they lose all the color in their skin." "An animal's color is like their personality." "That's sweet." "What else did you tell them about that?" "When the water started rushing in you got to grabbing pies like you birthed them." "I think he grabbed something else too." "They say in a time of crisis, you grab the thing most important to you." "That's what I grabbed." "[POLICE SIREN WAILING]" "Oh, crap." "Road trip interruptus." "What do we do now?" "We haven't had this many visitors since our most recent home invasion." "We could really use your help." "And your taxidermy kit." "I had to take mine out of the van to make room." "Who's dead?" "Nobody." "What a silly thing to suggest." "We were thinking more of disguise so we could get past the roadblocks." "I'm gonna fashion these all-purpose patch pelts into mutton chops and such." "And they could really use a change of wardrobe." "There's a trunk full of Charles Charles' old clothes upstairs in the cheese room." "Hey, the only thing that smokes in this house is the Gouda." "You want a cancer stick, you stick it outside on the porch." "Ain't the engagement party we had in mind for you and the worrywart." "Engagement?" "Ned and Olive?" "What the hell do you mean engaged?" "Since when?" "Since we love each other so much." "Yeah, what he said." "[SINGING "HELLO"]" "Do you know just what you're doing?" "Not really." "I just asked myself, "What would Olive want?" This seemed like the answer." "Oh, you did exactly what I would want you to do." "Only I'd also want you to mean it when you say you love me." "Not that I'm ungrateful." "I do mean it." "In a friend way." "And I'm kind of having fun." "I get to help you in a way that doesn't require being super." "It just requires being normal." "And a little dishonest." "I know you have reasons for writing what you wrote in those letters to Buster and Jerry." "And I support them because I support you." "That's what friends do." "NARRATOR:" "The private investigator and the Alive-Again Avenger returned to Dicker's Department Store for the unveiling of the Erin Embry memorial window in hopes her killer would soon be unveiled as well." "The craft and beauty of Dicker's signature window displays have long been attributed to two women." "One of whom, due to a tragic accident, is no longer with us." "Both we celebrate tonight as we unveil the Erin Embry memorial window designed by her long-time dressing companion Coco Juniper." "Coco?" "Coco wants to greet her guests at the cocktail memorial after the unveiling." "DICK:" "Well, then, without further ado...." "[CROWD GASPING]" "[APPLAUSE]" "It's an essay on the afterlife." "Erin Embry's endless ascent into a spiritual maze." "Look at it." "It's a bath." "It's just a warm bath." "[WOMAN SCREAMING]" "Oh, my God." "CHUCK:" "It's Coco." "Well, say goodbye to suspect numero uno." "And hello victim numero dos." "Hey." "How long you think she been dead?" "Oh, I'd say about $50." "She's cold, but she ain't stiff." "No more than 30 minutes." "Exact time will take me a little conducting and another 20." "Thirty minutes will do." "Thank you." "Oh, that's how it is?" "Well, then, I'll make a mental note on that." "Don't be making mental notes on me." "At a crime scene, I make mental notes on whatever I feel needs note making." "Mentally." "It was my dream to work with Erin and, to a lesser extent, Coco." "Now, they're both gone, and my dream to mine the creative minds that fed my creative soul will forever remain a fantasy." "The windows fed your creative soul?" "I am so sorry, Denny." "First Erin and now Coco." "I can't imagine how you must feel." "Like a weight has been lifted." "His honesty tilts a little toward the I-don't-care-that-they-died territory." "Tilts?" "His honestly falls right into the I-killed-both-them-skanks side of things." "The store was closed while Coco finished dressing that window." "Which means she was dead before the public saw it." "But not before Denny saw it." "He knew Coco was gonna be inside to be greeted at the memorial." "Because inside is where he killed her." "Mm-hm." "Time to take another visit to Erin and Coco's workspace." "See what old Denny's been up to." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I can't believe you saved all of Charles Charles' old clothes." "I was gonna use the fabric to make a quilt for Charlotte." "Lily said that was morbid." "I couldn't bring myself to throw them away." "I'm a pack rat of sorts myself." "Of emotions." "Not so much with actual things." "Is that why you denied your relationship with Ned?" "Oh, about that." "I should pro" "It's a veil I was to wear when Charles and I got married." "The son of a bitch." "Holy matrimony." "I had hoped Charlotte might wear it some day." "The news of your engagement has restored in me a faith that true love exists for people who deserve it." "That's so depressing." "You've given me something to believe in." "Like the likeness of the Virgin Mary found engrained in the center of a potato or a tortilla." "Right now, you and Ned are my tortilla." "NARRATOR:" "Olive couldn't bring herself to disavow Vivian's restored belief in vows." "So instead, she simply said:" "Thanks." "EMERSON:" "Look at that." "Not a pen, not a paper clip, not no thing." "These people didn't do a damn thing." "They didn't have to." "Not when they had someone else doing everything." "I wonder what Olive's doing for Ned right now." "Think you can pour a saucer of milk and see if kitty'll splash?" "This ain't my milk, and I ain't dipping my paw in it." "I'm not being catty." "I'm being concerned." "You said, "A lot can happen in one day." And you know what you were doing?" "Yeah, I know." "Dipping my paw." "I mean, what happens if Olive holds his hand without gloves?" "Or kisses him without using plastic food wrap?" "He'll know what he was missing with me." "The only thing Pie-Man is gonna be missing is you." "He's always fretting you gonna go, and here you are worrying that he went." "I'm telling you, ain't nobody going nowhere." "Booyah." "Denny's book." "And all the artistic renderings of Coco and Erin's windows here at Dicker's." "Coco and Erin didn't design any of these windows." ""Chic as hell" Denny did." "People who need people to do everything for them aren't always the luckiest." "Sometimes, those peeps get pissed and start resenting their lazy-ass bosses." "Erin and Coco's peep done gone postal and killed both of them." "Peep this, player." "Don't do that." "Sorry." "That looks an awful lot like Dick Dicker." "We better find Dick before this pissed-off peep pops him next." "Come on." "OLIVE:" "Ned." "I never thought I'd say this, but we need to back off from the PDA." "Vivian's p's and q's have gone AWOL." "I can't take more of what I just took before I'm DOA." "Olive, use your words." "Or your veil." "Use your veil." "Your wedding veil." "Why do you have a wedding veil?" "We're still just playing, right?" "Vivian's jumped the bridal shark." "And unless you're planning on saying "I do" we're gonna have explaining to do before we call it off." "Ned, I really appreciate you going along with this" "Don't thank me." "I've been curious about having a normal relationship." "This one's been really interesting to try on." "Try on?" "You try on a sweater at the mall." "You try on your friend's bra and smile on the inside because yours are bigger." "You don't try on a person." "Clearly not the right choice of words." "Is that what "Well, I wouldn't say never" was all about?" "Were you trying me on in your head?" "I don't know what words to choose." "Oh, I do." "Listen up, because I'm only gonna say this once." "First and foremost, I'm sorry." "Both for what I'm about to tell you and the hysteria with which I'm to tell it which is in no way directed at any of you, nor is it related to a female issue of any kind." "Ned is not my fiancé." "He does not love me." "We are not a couple, never have been." "I love him, but he never had feelings for me." "Well, I wouldn't say never." "I'm so sorry." "I ain't mad at you." "Take mad and multiply that by a power of pissed." "Don't be mad and certainly not to a power of that degree." "I love Olive." "As a friend." "I think you probably should just go." "I didn't mean" "Olive, I just wanted to help." "I know, but I don't want that kind of help." "Try on time's over, Ned." "NED:" "I'm sorry." "I can't go." "COP [ON BULLHORN]:" "Jerry Holmes and Buster Bustamante, we have you surrounded." "Surrender and come out with your hands up." "COP [ON BULLHORN]:" "Release the hostages and surrender now." "The newsman lauded the concerned neighbor who reported the gentlemen, who matched the description of the prisoners after seeing them on our porch smoking cigarettes." "Well, it's a filthy habit." "We can't go back, Snook." "You're not going back." "I promise." "Fine mess we've gotten you into, huh?" "I do my fair share of making messes, too." "You're the same little girl who climbed into the backseat of our getaway car doing ass-over-tea-kettle crazy things just to get people to pay attention to you." "NARRATOR:" "While Olive pondered how everything had gone so wrong the Pie-Maker tried to figure out how he could make it right." "I only did what I thought she'd want me to do." "I thought I'd be helpful by pretending to be normal and not super." "Clark Kent never had this much trouble with relationships." "That's because he didn't have any." "Sure he did." "No, he didn't." "I mean, Superman did." "Nobody gave a crap about Clark Kent." "He could disappear off the face of the Daily Planet and nobody'd even notice." "But I bet he'd spit spandex to find someone special enough who cared about the man and not the cape." "NARRATOR:" "The Pie-Maker looked at Olive, the person who cared for the man and knew nothing of the cape and silently wished for spandex saliva." "But if Lois or Mr. White or Jimmy Olsen found out that Clark and Superman were one and the same, Clark would be more studly but on his own he's a tall clumsy guy cramming himself into a phone booth." "If you were Clark Kent, what would you do right now?" "I would rip off my shirt and become Superman." "I mean, come on." "People that have super powers don't not wanna use them." "Where you going?" "Put on my cape." "NARRATOR:" "Emerson Cod and his sidekick Chuck found Dick Dicker to forewarn him Denny Downs had gone demented." "We believe Denny Downs has gone demented." "Denny designed the windows?" "What were Erin and Coco doing?" "Taking credit." "He got fed up doing the work and getting none of the glory." "You're another boss he blames." "Looks like you're meant to be his window whacking finale." "Denny's been part of the Dickers' family for years." "I can't believe what you're telling me." "I need a drink." "Would you like a drink?" "Well, I wouldn't say no to a snort." "Scotch, please." "DICK:" "Oh, I'm out of Scotch." "But I make the most divine pomegranatini that'll ever pass your lips." "CHUCK:" "Yum." "We've notified the authorities, but they don't seem to be able to locate Denny." "He's on the loose?" "I'll need a proper bodyguard." "Samson my driver would use me as a human shield in a heartbeat if there was even the vaguest notion of threat." "What do I do?" "Get thee to a police station." "We'll get the coroner's report and see if the science of the dead matches the theory in my head." "NARRATOR:" "While the private investigator and avenger advised Dick Dicker to seek the police the Pie-Maker was trying to avoid them." "[RUMBLING]" "COP:" "Rhino!" "[COPS SCREAMING]" "Hey ho, rhino." "I thought he was dead." "Me too." "Faster than a speeding bullet." "COP:" "Stop him." "I'm going to bed." "NARRATOR:" "The Pie-Maker helped his friends in need not by pretending he was something he was not but by embracing the very thing he always was." "It gave him a feeling of joy he would later liken to leaping tall buildings in a single bound." "The indentation of the dent in Erin's dome looks a lot like the crystal decanters in Dick's limo." "Do you think Denny was trying to frame Dick Dicker?" "Denny ain't the killer." "I'm Superman." "I've got a finger faster than a speeding bullet." "Come on." "Who can I touch?" "You're touching dead things again?" "No more pretending." "The best way I can help anyone is by being a pie-making dead waker." "Pretending to be something I'm not is a recipe for disaster." "So I say yes to super and no to normal." "If Caped Crusader is back in the super saddle touch these Dicker dames and prove me right." "Hello." "Hello." "Very happy to tell you that me being a pie-making dead waker gives you one minute to help us by confirming my partner's theory." "Did Dick Dicker do you in when he brained you with the crystal stopper?" "Yes." "He poured me a Scotch, said my work was an inspiration and started beating me to death." "He said the store going under was the only way to get out of the business and stay in the family." "Being the talent behind the windows, I had to die." "I brought in the customers." "You?" "You know, if I had legs, I would kick your ass." "Where are your legs?" "Dick fed me to the escalator after ranting like a size 10 at a sample sale." "He said he was wrong about you, it was my work that brought in the customers." "Without both of you alls' windows, Dicker's would've hit the skids." "Time's up." "COCO:" "No." "I" " No." "If Dick was willing to kill to make sure the store would go down and now he knows that Denny is the real designer." "Denny's about to be damned with praise." "NARRATOR:" "The facts were these:" "COP:" "Freeze." "NARRATOR:" "Dick Dicker had a desperate desire to be rid of the family that owned the family store, but he did not want to be disowned." "The fantastical windows created by Erin Embry and Coco Juniper brought customers in." "So Dick decided to eliminate who he believed to be the talented member of the team." "Only to discover, once the deed was done that Erin wasn't the one with talent." "Dick penned a suicide note claiming credit for the murders of Erin Embry and Coco Juniper signed it "Denny Downs," and prepared to strike." "Debbie Dicker became the new proprietress of Dicker's Department Store." "She promoted Denny Downs to head window designer." "Who, in turn, appointed Wendell Featherstone as his new apprentice." "Ned doesn't love me." "He's with someone else he loves very much." "Hear me and hear me good, little girl." "The guy who loves you, really loves you you won't ever have to wonder how he feels about you." "You will feel it with every inch of the 59 you got." "The Grudge up there has been trucking our sorry situation without a peep of "what for" or "how come."" "And he ain't doing it for his health." "OLIVE:" "Hi." "Hi." "I'm real sorry about your rhinoceros." "Can't go crying over spilled rhinoceroses." "Although, I am mortified that Aloysius was still alive." "That is not the kind of thing a taxidermist should ever overlook." "I've been doing some overlooking myself." "I wanted to thank you, Randy Mann." "Don't mention it, Miss Olive." "I'd aid and abet you anytime." "But just so I don't get confused again, you and pie-bro are or are not engaged?" "The only thing we were engaged in was shenanigans." "Shenanigans that could put Buster and Jerry in the big house unless we get them across the border." "But I don't know how." "I am not above prayer." "When I was in the nunnery, Mother Superior said prayer was just reaching out your hands and knowing the Good Lord was reaching back." "Who would Mother Superior tell you to reach out to now?" "I'm reaching out to you." "Buster and Jerry served their time." "Well, most of it anyway." "But they should have served none of it since they were wrongfully accused." "The wrongfully accused are not guilty in the eyes of the Lord." "Praise be." "Good morning, Sisters." "What may I serve thee while you serve the On High?" "We're not here for earthly delights." "The sisters are here for salvation from their burdened bladders." "I'd hoped they might use your restroom in this, their time of need." "I love the God-loving, but our restrooms are for customers only." "Oh, go on, girls." "The Sisters of the Divine Magnatum and I are spreading the good word in the community." "I pray the good word gets spread to the edges of our country and spills into other countries that may not be looking." "Or recognize it when they see it." "Or hear it." "Or hear it, indeed." "You inspire me, Big Mama." "The pie and the pee break's on me in the name of charity, of course." "Peace be with you." "And also with you, my child." "NARRATOR:" "With the aid of Mother Superior, who'd become a superior mother figure Olive Snook had arranged for her father figures to cross the border after all." "While the Pie-Maker and a girl named Chuck rearranged the storage room to accommodate the ingredients a super pie-maker needs." "You'd think stocking dead fruit while waiting for fresh fruit to rot would be depressing, but I find it sort of cathartic." "There's a satisfaction in putting things where they belong." "I returned to normal." "At least, normal for us." "I missed you on our bachelor-party border run." "Well, it's better that I didn't go." "I was peeved just thinking about it." "Peeved?" "About you and Olive out celebrating your relationship when all we do is hide ours." "So yeah I was peeved." "I celebrated a fake relationship." "There were circumstances." "And drama." "I was evading the law." "Are you jealous of Olive?" "Of course I am." "I mean, she's alive and everybody knows it, for one." "And you get to share romantic anecdotes, and there's no plot holes." "You don't have to wait till winter to hold her hand." "The only hand I wanna hold is yours." "And I will wear winter gloves year-round to do it." "So don't be jealous." "Olive is finally over me." "Even when I thought I was doing everything she wanted me to do  I still ended up hurting her." "NARRATOR:" "The guilt the Pie-Maker felt over the hurt he'd caused was mixed with a tinge of something." "But he did not know what." "The Pie-Maker watched Randy take Olive's hand and hold it in his." "Then, without warning, he knew what that something was." "The tinge he hadn't been able to identify just moments ago." "Jealousy." "[ENGLISH SDH]"