"Here you are, honey." "What do we say when someone gives us something?" "You know, Little Ricky." "You remember what Daddy always says when somebody gives him something?" "Gracias." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Don't do that at the table, dear." "Do that again, son." "Ricky." "Just a minute." "Listen to that beat." "What?" "Listen to that wonderful beat." "Listen to the rhythm." "Hey!" "Looks like he's gonna be a drummer." "Well, he certainly is not." "That's the last thing in the world I want him to be." "What's so bad with being a drummer?" "It's just not good enough for a son of mine." "Well, it's good enough for a husband of yours." "Well, that's different." "How is it different?" "He's my flesh and blood." "You're just a close relative." "Well, what do you want him to be?" "I don't know." "I..." "I'd like to see him..." "Wouldn't you like to go in your room and play, darling?" "Okay, Mommy." "All right, sweetheart." "Take your toast with you." "Let me wipe off your mouth a little bit." "There you are." "Run along." "I'd like to see him get into a dignified profession." "I'd like to see him be..." "a doctor." "A doctor?" "Mm-hmm." "but, uh, I just thought that he should be a drummer because he showed ability." "You heard him." "That's natural talent." "Oh, "natural talent," my foot." "He's trying to get the oatmeal off his spoon." "He was not." "He was, too." "I don't care." "I think he should be a doctor." "Well, I think he should be a drummer." "A doctor." "A drummer." "Doctor." "Drummer." "Drummer." "Doctor." "Ah, fine." "You agree." "He's going to be a doctor." "You tricked me." "I did not." "He's gonna be a doctor and that's that." "Well, that is not that at all." "Yes, it is now, Ricky." "Just because I want him to be a doctor and you want him to be a doctor." "Never mind..." "We'll He should be. just see..." "Oh, dear." "They're having a fight." "We'll see you later." "We're not having a fight." "Come on back here." "It's just that I'm right and he's too stubborn to admit it." "It's not that at all." "It is, too." "You just don't want to admit" "No!" "that I'm right, that's all." "Hold it, hold it, hold...." "Wait..." "yip, yip, yip." "Would you stop not fighting for just a minute?" "Lucy, I came over to see if I could borrow your fox stole to wear to the theater Saturday night." "Sure, honey, it's in the living room closet." "Oh, thank you!" "Well, Fred, I got the theater tickets." "Oh." "Here's your pair." "Oh, thank you, Rick." "It was mighty nice of you to invite us." "That's all right." "Oh...!" "What's the matter with you?" "For a minute I thought you were being strangled by a giant caterpillar." "Oh, Fred!" "Oh, Lucy, this is a beautiful stole." "Thank you." "Come on, Fred." "You can go back to not fighting now." "We weren't fighting." "We were just trying to decide what Little Ricky should be when he grows up." "Hey, why don't we ask them?" "After all, they're his godparents." "All right." "What do you think he should be?" "A wealthy, distinguished doctor or a crummy, out-of-work drummer?" "Well, thanks for putting it so impartially." "Well, that's all right." "Uh, why don't you let him decide for himself?" "Yeah." "We never thought of that." "What about it?" "All right." "We'll let him decide for himself." "Okay." "And neither one of us will try to influence him." "No, neither one will try to influence him." "We will let him decide for himself." "Yeah, we'll let him decide for himself." "All right." "Hey, Fred, did they deliver a package here for me?" "Yeah." "I was just going to take it over to your apartment." "Oh, well, I, uh, I don't want you to do that." "I want you to keep it here for a while." "What are you doing, surprising Lucy with a new hat?" "Well, uh... it's not exactly a new hat, no..." "It's a..." "it's a sort of a drum." "How can it be "a sort of a drum"?" "It's either a drum or it isn't." "Well, it is." "That's what it is." "It's a drum all right." "Now, Fred, I know what you're thinking." "But look at it this way." "I just want to have it there in case the child decides that he wants to play the drum someday, that's all." "Just to be prepared, you know." "Well, you-you should have heard..." "seen him the other day at the breakfast table." "He got the thin' and he go "dink, dink, da."" "Oh, the boy has a tremendous amount of talent really." "Stop hemming and hawing." "I'm not Lucy." "Well, then, will you keep it here until the time is ripe?" "Sure, I'll keep it." "Thanks a lot." "Hi, Daddy." "Hi, partner." "What are you doing dressed that way?" "I'm playing doctor." "Oh, you're playing doctor, huh?" "Little Ricky?" "Better get out of that outfit, dear." "You know, we want to surprise Daddy and he's gonna be home any..." "Oh... dear." "Yes, "Oh... dear."" "I thought we weren't gonna try to influence him." "I thought we were gonna let him decide for himself." "Yes, now, we did say that, and he did decide for himself." "This afternoon we just happened to be in a toy store and he took me by the hand and dragged me over to the counter and pointed to the little doctor's kit." "He dragged you?" "Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay." "Daddy, are you sick?" "Just a little, son, yeah." "Stick out your tongue and say, "Ah."" "There you see?" "He's a natural-born doctor." "Come on, Daddy." "Ah..." "Mm-hmm, you'd better have your tonsils out." "All right." "I'll do that." "Come down to my office tomorrow." "Okay, I will." "Now, you know isn't that the cutest thing...?" "Now, Ricky..." "Of all the low tricks-- influence him behind my back." "Oh... shame!" "Well, he will make a good doctor." "Ricky, this package is for you, but it came over to..." "Give me that package!" "What is it?" "Let me see it." "Nothing, dear." "Well, what is it?" "Let me see it." "Nothing at all." "Is it something for me?" "Is it for me?" "Is it?" "Well, it was supposed to be a surprise, dear." "Oh, really?" "It looked like a hatbox." "Yeah." "Yeah, that's what it is." "It's a hat." "It's a hat I bought you for Easter." "Easter?" "Yeah, well, I believe in doing my Easter shopping early, you know." "A hat from Schirmer's Music Company?" "Oh-ho!" "From Schirmer's Music Company, huh?" "Yakety-yak, yakety-yak..." "What'd I do?" "Well, well, well." "Oh, it has a very good tone for a hat." "Yes, sir." "Well, now," "I'm just gonna be the grandest lady in the Easter parade." "Hey, Rick, it's gone!" "Somebody must have taken the..." "Uh-oh." "Well..." "Leave it to you, Miss United Parcel." "How was I to know that that was a..." "Come on, Let's get out of the combat zone!" "Well, I guess the shame is on the other foot." "Well, you did it, too." "I don't care." "This drum goes back first thing in the morning." "All right." "So does that Junior Dr. Kildare Kit." "All right." "Okay." "All right, we'll start from scratch." "Okay, scratch." "Okay." "All right." "All right..." "Honey, honey, let me take that." "Now, darling, it has to go back to the store in the morning." "No, Mommy." "Now, come on, give it to Mother." "Come on." "I want to play the drum." "Oh, now, honey, wouldn't you rather play with your little doctor's kit?" "No, Mommy, I want to play the drum." "Well, all right." "I hate to admit it, but he does have a pretty good beat." "Ah, yeah..." "Well, what are you doing up so early?" "Well, Little Ricky has a great beat, but it's not too good for sleeping." "Oh." "What time is it?" "7:30." "7:30!" "Yeah, you must be a sound sleeper." "He's been playing for the last hour." "He's been playing for the last four days." "Should I ask him to stop, honey?" "No, no, no, no, no." "If he wants to play, we should let him play." "Yeah, that's the way I feel about it." "After all, we don't want to in-hi-bit him." "What?" "We don't want to in-hi-bit him." "You know, frustrate." "Oh, in-hibit." "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say." "Oh, no, no, we don't want to do that to him." "Want me to get you some breakfast, honey?" "Yeah." "How many eggs, dear?" "Two." "Two." "Two, two, two." "Well, that is a catchy beat, isn't it?" "Yeah, it sure is." "I only wanted two eggs, dear." "Fred?" "Fred?" "Fred, Fred, Fred?" "!" "How can you stay so calm during all of this?" "That drumming is driving me crazy." "Did you say something, Ethel?" "Hey, that's a good idea." "Does it work?" "Huh?" "Does it work?" "Well, they muffle the noise, but your ears get hotter than blazes." "Oh, we got to do something about this." "You bet your boots we do." "Let's go over there and ask them if they'd mind restricting Little Ricky's playing for just an hour or two a day." "An hour or two?" "How about a minute or two?" "Now, Fred, none of that." "None of that." "If we go over there, you got to be careful what you say." "Parents get awful touchy when you're talking about their children." "I'm sure that if we're nice and diplomatic, they'll be reasonable." "Let's go." "You know something?" "Maybe he should be a doctor when he grows up." "I can't stand it." "I just can't stand it anymore." "Neither can I." "He's just gonna have to cut down on his practicing, that's all." "Okay." "Hi, fellas." "Hi." "Oh, hi." "Oh, hi." "Listen, I'm awfully sorry about the noise." "Noise?" "What noise?" "Little Ricky's drumming." "Oh, that." "Well, we never noticed it." "Right, Ethel?" "Right." "My, he certainly loves to play." "And, my, we certainly love to listen." "He has such a nice, steady beat." "Yeah, steady." "Well, we're glad it didn't bother you." "Yeah, me, too." "Bother us?" "Oh, don't be silly." "Now that you brought it up, we thought it might not be a bad idea if he'd cut down a little." "Just a bit." "Just to give his little hands a rest." "Yeah, we're only thinking of the child." "Well, we were thinking of asking him to just..." "What's that?" "He stopped." "What a relief." "I thought he'd never quit." "What did you say?" "Oh..." "No-no-nothing." "He's, he's just amazed at the child's stamina." "He didn't think anybody could keep up that racket for four whole days." "Racket?" "That is not a very nice word to use about my son's playing." "We were under the impression that it was rhythm and music." "Rhythm it might be; music it ain't." "How would you know?" "You got a tin ear." "Is that so?" "!" "Yeah, that's so." "Why don't you go ahead and say it?" "Go ahead!" "Come right out and say it." "Say you can't stand Little Ricky's drumming." "All right." "We can't stand Little Ricky's drumming." "How dare you say a thing like that?" "!" "Because it's true." "Oh!" "Come on, Fred, let's get out of here before that pounding starts again." "Oh, what's the use?" "It's just the same over in our place." "Well, don't blame that on Little Ricky." "Blame it on your cheap, thin walls." "Yeah." "As the owner of these cheap, thin walls" "I might have you evicted for disturbing the peace!" "You wouldn't." "Oh, wouldn't we?" "Out you go unless you put a muffler on that baby bongo beater." "Just a minute." "Just a cotton-pickin' minute." "Before you go evicting anybody," "I got a piece of paper here." "Two years ago, when we wanted to move, you were so crazy about us as tenants that you gave us a 99-year lease." "Yeah." "That means for 97 more years," "Little Ricky can play the drums." "Yeah!" "Go ahead and play, son!" "Oh, Fred, let's get out of this boiler factory!" "With pleasure!" "Honestly!" "Huh!" "Some friends." "How did we ever choose them to be our son's godparents?" "I don't know." "Maybe we can turn them in and get two new ones." "Huh!" "Sheesh!" "Here are your theater tickets." "I'm afraid we've made other plans." "And here is your moth-eaten fur." "Moth-eaten?" "I've trapped better-looking things than that underneath my kitchen sink." "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Don't count too much on that lease." "Landlords have a way of getting rid of undesirable tenants." "a...cualquier cosa, viejo...!" "You said it!" "Yeah!" "What did we say?" "It's very hard to translate, but take my word for it, it fits." "Good." "Yes, Mrs. Trumbull." "We're leaving for the theater at 7:30." "Well, the baby's already had his dinner, so if you'll just... you'll come up any time you want." "Okay?" "Okay, dear." "Hi." "Oh, hi!" "How did everything go today?" "Fine, fine." "Uh...." "Mr. Mertz didn't pull any monkey business?" "Haven't even seen him." "I knew he was just bluffing." "Sheesh." "Well, if we're gonna go to the theater," "I'd better go get cleaned up." "All right, honey." "Dinner's almost ready." "I have a delicious roast chicken in the oven." "Good." "I'll just take a quick shave and a shower." "All right." "Hurry, up, huh?" "All right." "Honey?" "What?" "Something is wrong with the electricity." "My shaver isn't working." "Something's wrong with the gas." "My chicken isn't working either." "What happened?" "I don't know." "It's been in for two hours." "Funny, the gas and electricity would go on the fritz at the same t..." "Oh, no." "What?" "I'll bet this is the work of Freddie the Fritzer." "Oh... he wouldn't go that far." "Well, we'll just see." "We'll just call the gentleman and find out." "Hello?" "Mr. Mertz, this is your tenant, Mrs. Ricardo." "The gas and electricity are off." "Now, I know you're mean and sneaky, but you wouldn't stoop that low now, would you?" "He is that mean and sneaky!" "I'm gonna go over there and punch him right in the nose." "No, now, honey, that's just what he wants you to do." "He wants to pick a fight so he can ask us to leave." "Well, what are we gonna do?" "Now, wait a minute." "The first thing in the morning" "I'll call the Board of Health to report him." "That'll fix him." "Yeah." "That's a good idea." "How do you like that guy?" "Listen, we'll grab a bite to eat downtown." "All right, dear." "What am I gonna do about shaving?" "Oh, you don't need a shave." "You look wonderful." "I'll just take a quick shower, huh?" "Okay." "How did he ever forget that?" "La-la-la di a-la di" "La-lai la-lei la-lai." "Hey, honey, I just thought of somethin'." "What?" "What are we gonna do when Mrs. Trumbull comes over tonight?" "She can't sit here in the dark all night long." "She's gonna take the baby back to her apartment, and we'll pick him up when we come back." "Oh, yeah, that's a good idea." "Oop!" "?" "Que paso?" "El agua, se seco el agua." "No hay agua aqui." "What happened?" "I know." "The water is off in the basin, too." "Phantom Freddie has struck again!" "Ai!" "Mira, ?" "que quiere el hombre de esta cosa?" "Oh, honestly, that man." "Listen, honey, there's an... an emergency valve in the back porch." "Go turn it back on." "Honey, I can't." "I can't see." "I-I-I..." "I can't open my eyes." "I'll get soap in them." "Oh, all right, I'll go and get it." "I'm sorry, dear." "All right." "I'll get it." "Oh..." "Oh, honestly, that man." "Hurry up, honey." "Que barbaridad..." "Sheesh." "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ai dios!" "Ooh, hurry up, honey." "Yes, I'll..." "I'm getting soap in my eyes." "Hurry up!" "Oh, honey, Ooh!" "all right." "Ooh!" "Ooh..." "You took the towel!" "Oh, dear." "Oh, Ricky." "You took the towel." "For heaven's..." "Ah!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Ah!" "Honey, the water is back on!" "You're telling me!" "What happened?" "What happened?" "Oh, honestly, honey." "Look at me." "Oh, oh, honey, I'm sorry." "Honey, my hair." "Now I won't be able to go anyplace." "Oh, dear!" "Darn that Fred Mertz!" "What a fiend!" "What a fiend that man is!" "Oh..." "He probably thinks that this is gonna make us move." "Well, he's got another thing coming." "We've only begun to fight." "You got an idea?" "Follow me!" "Okay." "Get this right here." "Here-- you take this." "What are we gonna do?" "They want to be nasty, we'll give them something to be nasty about." "Oh, a little drum concert, right?" "Yes." "We're gonna play a little well-known Latin-American tune called "Nurtz to the Mertz Mambo."" "Let them hear it, boy!" "Hey, wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "They're probably having dinner." "Let's play the serenade from the kitchen." "Oh, that's a good idea, yeah." "That way, they won't miss a single glorious beat." "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" "What are you doing?" "Just a little added sound effects." "Ready?" "Yeah." "One, two, three, four." "One, two, three, four." "Just a minute!" "Fred, go on, call the police!" "He's not gonna call the police on my telephone." "Too cheap to use your own phone, huh?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Too cheap to use your phone, huh?" "Are you gonna stand there and let that Havana "Horace" Hite call you cheap?" "No, I'm not!" "Now put them up!" "Listen, you lay a hand on me and you'll have to use the telephone" "Put them up!" "to call the hospital!" "Yeah." "Call the hospital!" "Yeah, let me tell you, I can take you on, too." "What's the matter?" "What happened?" "Where's the baby?" "I came up to take him." "He's not in his room." "Are you sure?" "What?" "!" "He's not in his room?" "Did you look every place, Mrs. Trumbull?" "I looked all over the place." "Did you look in all the closets?" "Oh..." "Little Ricky?" "Oh, Little Ricky?" "No, he isn't in there!" "No." "He isn't in there." "The door was open when I came in." "The door was open!" "He might be outside!" "I'll go get him." "I'll get my coat and go with you." "Get your coat, Fred." "I'll call the police!" "Oh..." "Operator?" "Operator?" "Operator, the police!" "Get me the police!" "Oh, Lucy, where do you suppose he went?" "How do I know?" "Take it easy." "He's wandering around outside." "Wait, wait, wait." "Take it easy, everybody." "Everything is all right." "Did you find him?" "Follow me." "Never mind, operator." "Aw, the poor little thing." "He couldn't stand all that noise." "The next time we fight, we'll fight more quietly." "We're not going to have any more fights, Ethel." "It was all our fault." "No." "No, Fred, it was our fault." "We promise you from now on he won't play the drums so much." "You let him play the drums as much as he wants to." "He can do half of his practicing right here in our place." "Fred!" "What's the matter, Ethel?" "We're only going to be here for 97 years." "Oh, Lucy..." "You think you can stand us that long?" "Oh, Lucy, I'm so sorry, honey!" "Ah, Rick." "All right, Fred."