" Can we calm down..." " I'm calm." "...or go back in time?" " This is it." "Not far back, 10 minutes." "That's when the ground cracked open." "No, let's not go back 10 minutes, let's go back four days when you decided you didn't want me but didn't want anyone else to have me." "Are you kidding?" "Or when you denied in the press we were a couple." " I didn't deny..." " Or when you kissed me at the show because Luke was there, or any month of any year..." "All right, stop it." "Stop it now." "There should be some kind of standard of due process in these things some damn 14th Amendment..." " Shut up." "I didn't deny anything to the press." "I can't believe you still..." "Some gossip guy calls my publicist and says, "Is he dating Harriet Hayes?"" "I don't comment." "No one in their right mother-freaking mind does." "I did." "I did, you didn't." "You know how stupid that made me look?" "I really don't have a whole lot of control as to how smart or stupid you look, Harriet." "Except the TV show I write that made you a star." "You made me a star?" "I made you look stupid?" "I don't participate in gossip columns." "I know you know that because you're not borderline retarded." "So why are you trying to set us on fire?" "Because your being here tonight, your kissing me at Christmas your feigning jealousy over Darren Wells, these are acts of cruelty disguised as cuteness." "Let me ask you something." "You think Luke Scott wants to date me?" " Yes." " You're right." "He told me he did." "How is it you say you can't be with me if we're working together but Luke has no problem with it?" "I don't say we can't be together if we're working together." "We can't be together if we're working together." "Well, doesn't that work out nicely for you?" "No, it doesn't." " Excuse me." "Sir." " There someone there?" "There's..." "Next to the dumpster, he's asleep." "There's a..." "You know." " Trying to say the word "bum"?" " That's not a very nice word." "I see." "There's a man down there who's housing and employment challenged." "Make fun of the homeless." "They deserve it." "Excuse me!" " I was making fun of you." " I know." "Excuse me." "Sir." "Excuse me, up here." "Up on the roof." "Hello?" " What you doing with that?" " I'm gonna throw it, get his attention." "You hit a guy with a rock, you'll go to a women's facility." "I'm not gonna hit him, I'll hit the dumpster." "It's gonna clang." "Give me the rock." "I was offered field-hockey scholarships at three schools." "And that makes you uniquely suited for this situation?" "Right on the money, sonny." "He didn't wake up." "That rock felt funny." "It was lighter than you'd..." "Whoa, wait." "There's a hide-a-key rock up here." "A fake rock with a spare-key fold in the..." " No!" "Why didn't you say anything?" " Yeah." "I was trying to get past the visual of you playing hockey." " I was good." " I'll bet." "Why isn't anybody looking for us?" " Cal?" " Yeah." "All right, this is Yotie." " Yotie." " Yeah." "This guy been in anything I'd know?" "Oh, he's been around." "Made his debut with The X-Files." "He's been working steady ever since." "Yotie's gonna smell the ferret, go down the grate, get the ferret?" " Yeah." " Okay, now, this is crucial:" "He's gonna come back, right?" " Yeah." " With the ferret who's got the snake." "Yes, sir." "That's me." "Because I've got actors coming in a few hours and a petting zoo under the stage." " Yeah, hon." "It's Tessie." "You don't scare me." "You do." "You do scare me." "That was hubris." "Oh, thanks, hon." "It slipped my mind." "I love you." "I ran to get Yotie so quick I forgot to notify American Humane." " Tessie took care of it." " How'd she take care of it?" "She let American Humane know I was bringing Yotie onto the stage." "Bevo, they're gonna send somebody over." "American Humane needs a rep on-stage if we're working with an animal." "That is the law." "I was hoping to skirt that law, since I've violated about 14 different sections of it." "Should we send him down there?" "Send him down there." "Kim, that's your fifth tequila." "That would be a lot if you were Jose Cuervo." "What do you do with girls on dates?" "Drink black coffee." "We drink lots and lots of coffee." "Kim, please, at least eat something." "Most guys want me drunk." "Not hard to understand why, but I'm gonna flip all the cards now." "I'm gonna tell you what's going on." "This will sound crazy, but it's true." "Jack Rudolph needs a favor from your father." "An important favor." "And in exchange your father wants for you to be talked out of giving up the viola." "And that's what I'm doing here." "Now, look, we don't really know each other but if just for tonight..." "Just for a week you could say:" ""Sure, Dad, I'm going back to Juilliard." "I'm not gonna be a comedian."" "Kim, if you could just be daddy's little girl for one more..." "Kim?" " It was probably the tequila." " Thanks, Hawkeye." "This is ridiculous." "I'm gonna take her back to her hotel." "I'll help you." "What hotel is she staying at?" "She met me here." "I don't know what hotel she's staying at." " Won't Jack know?" " Jack will know." "I'm gonna find Jack, who will kill me with his thumbs." "I want you to walk her over to a private, secluded area." "Don't make it a big deal, put her arm around your shoulder." "Pretend you're talking, that kind of thing." "I'll go find Jack." "Okay, I'll be performing selected scenes from Weekend at Bernie's." "Just do it." "I saw her at the theater." "She went to talk to Danny for a minute." "No one's heard from them since." "Do you have this number?" "Thanks." " What about the baseball bat?" " I don't wanna talk about it anymore." ""Here's a baseball bat." "There's a guy's phone number on it." "How could I know that when I'm from Michigan, where nobody plays baseball?"" "It was a silly act." "To the extent I was responsible..." " The extent you were responsible?" " Can you let me finish?" "To the extent you were responsible, Harriet?" "Whether it's with me the next guy or after that, you may wanna consider taking it upon yourself to assume a little accountability." "I was hurt by Jeannie." "You were with Jeannie." "What about the fact you opened this discussion by quoting Luke?" "To the extent you're responsible for the words out of your mouth..." " Feel free to change the subject." "I don't remember what the subject is." "It was Jeannie." "You went out with my friend." "You don't get to be the star of every show, Harry." "I didn't choose her because she's your friend." "I chose her because she was my friend." "But let me ask you if this is the subject:" "I never proposed to you." "Yes that's the subject." "You know what?" "If we'd just been able to go six months without some eruption like tonight we'd be shopping for preschools right now." "That's the worst lie you've ever told." "We're almost ready for you two." "Matthew, I know this is last-minute." "You had a chance to jot anything down?" "He'll be fine." "He's good on his feet." "I'm fine." "Thanks." "All the proceeds from this song will go to Save My Life which will disburse the money to children with AIDS in Africa." "And with that, it's my pleasure to say ladies and gentlemen, Natalie Cole." "You work with the Children's Hospice Coalition?" " What?" " You worked..." " Yeah, I'm on the board." " And Comic Relief." "Don't have to do this if you don't want to." "I wasn't lying." "Before." "Well, either it was lying or psychotic, so..." "I don't understand what's happening." "I swear." "What eruptions were you talking about?" " You said, "If not for them..." " Yeah." "...we'd be married now."" "I need to make notes." "I'm not as good on my feet as..." "That's not the reason you've used for five months." "Last five months you've changed keys, said it's the show." " The reason?" " Yeah." " It is the show." " Not phantom eruptions?" "The eruptions aren't phantom." "I'm living through one now." "Who exactly was going to be bothered by it?" " God, Harry..." " Who?" "Simon, Tom, Jeannie, Sam, Alex, Dylan Cal, Danny, the crew, the studio." "I landed in this." "I didn't ask for it." "But we broke up before you did." " Before what?" " Landed in it." "We've broken up 18 times..." "I'm talking about the last time." "Two weeks before you took the job." "That time, you were so filled with the spirit of the Lord you sang a few ballads for people who throw rocks at pregnant teenagers." "So that particular time it wasn't the show or an irrational eruption." " Right." " It's because I was a wack job." "I never cared that you were a wack job." "I can't believe I haven't shown more gratitude." "I'll tell you what I think is happening." "I think you can't walk away so you're burning down the house." "Yes." "All the times I said I love you, all of those times, you think I was lying?" "Yeah." "Well that's disappointing." "Excuse me." "They're ready for you." "Kim?" " Kim?" " Where's Jack?" "I couldn't find him." "I left word." "Kim?" "Come on, I see you in there." "You're funny on the news." "You think?" "You're funny on the news." "Thanks a lot." "I'm real proud of the direction..." "Sim." "I need to take you back to your hotel." " Yeah, baby." " No, no." "I need to know what hotel you're staying at." "Kim?" " It's a nice one." " Do you remember the name?" "I was able to play the Vivaldi "Concerto in A minor" when I was 7 years old." "Can you tell me..." "That's her phone." "Answer it." " Kim, I'm gonna answer your phone." " Sugar lips." " Thank you." " She was talking to me." " How do you know?" " Shut up." "Hello?" " It's her father." " Hang up, hang up." "What the hell just happened?" "What are you doing?" "I'm writing a note to the..." "You know, the..." "Well-assimilated member of society asleep in the Hefty bag?" "Yes." "What are you writing?" ""Look up." "There are two people stuck on the roof." "We're not at all dangerous." "Please go around to the security lobby by Studio 60 and tell the man there what's happened." "Reward if you help us." "Thank you."" " By the time he's done reading..." " You got a better idea?" "Wanna ask him for a recommendation?" "A lot of women would have found that charming." "A lot of women?" " I think so." " They usually do?" "You can reject me or you can be jealous." "You can't do both at the same time." "I'm not jealous, I'm just asking." "You were my first." "You understand why we can't go out, right?" " Not even a bit." " I'm pregnant with another man's baby." "I haven't seen him around much, have you?" "Looking to be a surrogate father?" " I stopped hitting on you a while ago..." " Is the attraction physical?" " Is it what?" " Physical." "Well right now you're the size of a minivan." "Hey, I'm a very nice-looking pregnant woman." " Yes." " I'm glowing." "You are." "Where's the coyote?" " Hang on." " Where the hell's the coyote, Bevo?" "I got good news for you, Cal." "Coyote's coming back up?" "No." "The snake's still alive." "You see the snake?" "Right there." "Okay." "Okay." "What does this mean?" "Well, the snake's blocking the exit." "That's why the coyote won't come back." "He's afraid of the snake." " And the ferret?" " He's afraid of the coyote." "I'll tell you, man, this lacks the feel of professionalism." "Mother Nature's an inscrutable force." " What the hell does that mean?" " Think about it." "No." "Is there a way this can get worse?" " Mr. Shanley?" " Right, your wife called the cops." "Yes." "Mr. Shanley, I'm Nona Pruit with American Humane." "Bevo." "How are you, Nona." "Well, Tess tells me you're using Yotie." "That's right." "Ran out of the place before I had a chance to let you know." "Well, that's no problem." "What are you shooting?" "Me?" "I need to know how you're using the animal." "A film parody." "A Western." "We need him howling at the moon." "And he's great." "Where is he?" " Yotie?" " I need to see him." "He's in a hole, under the stage, okay?" "The coyote is under the stage with a ferret and a snake and none of them will come out." " A ferret and a snake?" " Yes." "We shot with vipers Tuesday, had a rep on-set." "One of the snakes went down the grate, Grizzly Adams here sent the ferret after him." "Now we've sent a coyote after the ferret." "You've had a pit viper and a ferret under your stage since Tuesday?" "Yes." "I dropped a lipstick camera down." "You can see on the monitor they're doing nicely." "There's no reason..." " Know how much trouble you're in?" "...for any trouble." " This is a problem, Mr. Shanley." " I know that." "I've got the animal-kingdom axis of evil down there." "Here are your options." "You force me to call in Animal Control California Department of Fish and Game and the USDA." "They fine you 20K per animal for cruelty and press charges that can result in up to five years in prison." " Or?" " Rip up the damn floor get the animals out." "Problem with that is I got people coming back for rehearsal soon." " We're 24 hours from a..." " Give me the police." "Fine!" "I'll bring in a crew." "We'll rip up the floor." "When I find these animals I'm gonna cook them and I'm gonna eat them." "Let's go." " What happened?" " She drank too much." "Kim?" "Kim, can you hear me?" "How'd she get like this?" " It happened real fast." " True, I was there." "She wanted to take me to her hotel and dance." " You didn't, right?" " No." " She's 20 years old, Tom." " She's Courtney Love, Jack." "All right." "All right." "She doesn't remember what hotel she's at." "The Beverly Wilshire, but we can't deliver her to her father like this." "We'll hold on to her till she's sober." "We'll take her to Studio 60." "Have her lie down in your dressing room." "Jack, you know, I already have a problem with a girl thinking I lied to her about tonight." "I'd like to explain things." "Things I don't care about." "Things I don't care about." " Sure." " I'll have a car brought around." "Every person in this room was granted a special gift." "And with that gift, comes special responsibility." "This money will go directly to benefit..." " What'd you say?" " What?" "What did you say when he told you he wanted to date you?" "Nothing." "I didn't say anything." "But I remembered what being with him was like." "And I think about it during rehearsals and what being with him again would be like." "And I start thinking about sleeping with him." "And then I stop out of an attachment to you that isn't real." " I feel like I'm cheating on you." " Stop." "I didn't hear anything after..." "You think about sleeping with him?" "There's really nothing to say after that." "I didn't know." "And now, to present the Saint Clare Award for Excellence in Television please welcome Matthew Albie." "Thank you, Shirley." "Shirley's done a lovely job tonight." "This whole thing reminds me of an old joke." "There's a banquet filled with Catholic priests." "It's a sumptuous..." "It's a very fancy affair, much like this one and the waiter goes up to one of the priests and says:" ""How do you go about...?" "How does somebody become a...?" "You know." "How do you go about being a...?"" "The priest tells him about vows of poverty." "It's an old joke, but the punch line is:" ""If this is poverty, I can't wait to see chastity."" "Harriet has served on the board of the Children's Hospice Coalition and..." "You know, I think I'll take a cue from..." "I'm just gonna let her..." "Ladies and gentlemen, Harriet Hayes." " We're going in there, Kim." " I got her." " We leave her purse?" " I got the purse." " Those are her shoes." " I got the purse and the shoes." "We dropped her." "It's okay." "Put her on the cot." "Not on her back, on her stomach." " How you doing, Kim?" " I want Tom to take his pants off." "Life's full of disappointments." "That'd probably be one." " I'll make coffee." " Screw coffee." "Who knows how to make a prairie oyster?" " I do." " You sure?" "Yeah, it's brandy, Worcestershire sauce vinegar, tomato juice, bitters, pepper and raw egg yolk." " Where can we get it around here?" " I've got it in my room." "What are you, Sinatra?" "Go make it." "You know, Tom..." "Ladies and gentlemen, it's Cal." "Could I have everyone in the writers' room, please." "Everyone in the writers' room." "Go." "Go." " Lucy..." " Not now." " All right." " Why's the theater locked off?" "I want to talk about that." "I want to be straight with you." "I want to tell you the truth." "We've failed our annual mold inspection." " You're kidding." " Mold?" " No." " We've got mold?" "Yeah, it's pretty serious." "It's gonna be about an hour before we get on-stage." "An hour?" "I had this stuff at my house and I had to move out for three weeks." " She's right, it's toxic." " This is the non-toxic kind." "There is no non-toxic kind." "You breathe it in and you die." "That's not the can-do spirit we like to promote around here." "You're saying the theater has deadly spores in it." " A mild case." " They check the dressing rooms?" " No?" " No?" "I mean, no." "The only place we didn't pass the mold inspection was in a small electrical area under the stage." "We'll be rehearsing in an hour." "Everything is fine." " Where are the executive producers?" " That is a mystery." "Though it certainly wouldn't surprise me if they were under the stage as well." "Is the room spinning?" "Yeah." "We had a sign up at my frat house:" ""If you can lie down on the floor without holding on, you're not drunk."" "What's the big favor you need from my father?" "It was a Hail Mary play." "What's that?" "Take another sip." "It's a football term." "At the end of the game when you need a touchdown, you just throw the ball and pray." "How often does it work?" "Never." "You're a musical prodigy, Kim." "Why in the world would you want to give that up?" "You're just starting." "Lie down on your stomach, it'll help with the spins." "I'm not just starting." "I was practicing four hours a day when I was 36 months old." "And I was 14 before I found out that wasn't normal." "I slept in a cemetery overnight so I'd get tough." "Why does a viola player have to be tough?" "I couldn't begin to tell you." "But I know I'm not just starting out." "Well I'm gonna have to call your father now." "Please don't." "It's late, he's worried." "It's a father-daughter thing." "I can't mess with that." "Do you have a daughter?" "No." "I don't have kids." "Do you want kids?" "Yes." "Does your wife want kids?" "My wife and I are separated." "I have to call your father now." "If my father sees me now he'll know I'm drunk." "I have to call anyway." "He'll be angry at you." "He won't do the favor." "Yeah." "I have to call him anyway." "I can do magic." " Yeah?" " Watch." "Look what was behind your ear." " Look at that." " That's really good." "Okay, now watch this." "Nothing in my hands, right?" " Right." " Now shake my hand." "It's so nice to see you." "Look at your watchband." "Yeah, piece of paper in there." " It's cooler with a dollar bill." " No, it's not." "How many girls you know who do magic?" "Not that many." "I'll bet Hallie Galloway can't do magic." "I'm sure you're right." " You met this chick?" " I haven't." " She's VP for Alternative Programming." " I know." "I just haven't met her." "Well, she's blond." "Nazi son of a bitch." "I'm serious." "I know." " She's being groomed." " She's not." "She was on fire with development at Fox." "She knows I don't like reality." "Why else come here?" " More money?" " We gave her more, that was a fig leaf." "She could've gotten it from Fox or anybody." " I think you're seeing shadows." " This ain't my first rodeo." "Things have calmed down for you." "And you can't get away with that expression." "Things haven't calmed down with me, Danny." "That's why declaring your ridiculous crush to the 50 most powerful people..." " It's not ridiculous." "...in entertainment..." " Don't do that." "Don't do that." "Feel how you feel, but don't..." "When you get sober, don't they tell you not to make any decisions for a year?" "Yes." "No new job, don't buy a house, don't get married." " You think..." " You relapsed." " You barely got a hundred days." " You think this is drug-related?" "You feel good, you can clean up your life." "Instant respectability." "Well, I am feeling pretty respectable right now, Jordan." "You, however, are frightened of blond executives and you're pulling paper out of my ear." " You're scared of snakes." " Everyone's scared of snakes." "You get mad without basis" "I get mad when you sing for racists" "Say a little prayer for you" " Hey, stupid." " Yeah." " Wendy." " Yeah." "I didn't know you were here tonight." "Natalie Cole invited me." "The whole group." "We're gonna record with her." "There are more exciting ways to kill yourself." "What are you recording?" "We're putting a house beat behind "The Very Thought of You."" " You look really nice, Wendy." " Thank you." "You know, usually when I see you, you're..." " Dressed like a slut?" " Well, that's your job." "Hey, listen." "I'm sorry about the stiletto-boot thing." "That was..." "There are a couple of photographers in front." "I'll take you out, put you in my car." " I blew the joke." " You were fine." ""If this is poverty, I can't wait to see chastity."" "I tripped all over the..." " It's okay." " I tripped over everything." "I'm gonna take you home." " I lost Harriet." " I know." "I saw her in the ladies' room." " I'm gonna take you home." " I can't go home." "I'm here with you." "I can't." "We gotta work." "I gotta go back to the theater." " I'll take you there." " I appreciate that." "Come on, babe." "You look so nice, Wendy." "I clean up all right." "You've got to isolate mold." "You have to contain mold immediately." "It's the asbestos of the 21 st century." "You ingest it into your lungs and you are off to Memorial Sloan-Kettering." "Hello." "How you doing, Andy?" "Beautiful Lucy." " What do you say, Kunta Kinte?" " That's it." "You don't call me Kunta Kinte." "You don't do it in front of people." "You'll want to watch your tone." "Put your inside voice on before I put you outside." " Damn it..." " I will break your arm." " Lucy." " Yeah." "Let's go." "Let's do it." "Sit down, I'm not gonna beat you up." " Damn right you're not..." " Sit down." "When I got you hired I told you not to let me down." "Was I unclear in some way?" "I'm not letting you down, you're tripping." "Then tell me again why you passed Mongongo to Lucy." "Maybe she was better suited for it." "It turns out she is, because she's a writer." " Is it so hard..." " Rule number one:" "Writing rules." "You're given a pitch to hit you take the bat off your shoulder or you watch on TV." "Is it so hard to...?" "You don't want people to think you're the black guy?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I think your secret's out." "You find it ironic that the character you passed on is exactly like you?" "I strike you as an angry black militant?" "No." "Right now you don't even strike me as black." "I meant that he's obsessed with white people." "The character." "I'm not obsessed with white people." "The letters were unbelievable." "You gotta learn to love them as much as I do." "I love seeing how stupid my haters are." "Not one of them can spell "spear chucker" with a crayon." "Matt and I brought you here for two reasons:" "You're talented and you're black." "In that order." "Writing rules, dum-dum." "Help Matt with the Mongongo sketch." " Yeah." " Excuse me?" " Yes, sir." " Damn right, yes, sir." "I said, yes, sir." "And I said, damn right, Chicken George." " How long you gonna keep this up?" " Long as it's funny." " Hey." " Not now." "Yes, now." "I lied about why I had to break our date." "You could have fooled me, Tom." "I never would've guessed from the way the Asian fashion model had her hand on your thigh." "She's not a model, she's a viola player." "One of the best in the world." "She's in my dressing room with a prairie oyster trying to sober up before her father sees her." "What?" "Her father is a..." "I don't care." "I'm wearing a party dress." "I feel like an idiot." " You look beautiful." "Lucy..." " Shut up." "You didn't even try not to get caught." "You didn't think there was a chance I might be invited to a dinner for Harriet?" " No." "Why not?" "You're too low down on the pay scale." "You and Darius, you were invited at the last minute when somebody canceled, right?" "Writers at your level don't get invited to these things." "What I said was insulting but it was also true and that's why I said it." "If I was gonna lie about anything right now, I would have lied about that." "I had to do a favor for Jack Rudolph." "That's the truth." "And you look beautiful tonight." "That's the truth." "Will you go out with me Saturday?" "No." "Then that's that." "I can go out with you Sunday." "Nice, you did a little switch." " Tom?" " Yes, ma'am." "A prairie oyster is for hangovers." "If you drink one while you're drunk, you're just gonna get drunker." "All right, I have to go now, but I'm really looking forward to Saturday night." " Sunday night." " Sunday night." "We gotta stop giving her prairie oysters." "It turns out we could kill this lunatic girl dead." "Tom Jeter, say hello to Kim's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Zhiang Tao." ""Lunatic girl" is an idiom in our language meaning..." "Get out." "I apologize." "And it wasn't Jack's fault." "Mrs. Tao, would you translate for your husband, please?" "I wouldn't..." "I wouldn't be too hard on her." "No, her mother will take care of that." " You speak English." " I speak a few words." " How many words?" " All of them." "Why do you pretend you can't speak English?" "It's fun." "It's fun." "Yeah." "I mean..." "I guess it would be." "Considering how much you needed me can you think of a way you could've screwed up worse?" "No sir." "But I'll tell you what." "Your daughter won't quit the viola." "You didn't raise an idiot." "But you might consider getting up off her ass for a short time you commie prick." "Did you understand all those words?" "I did." "You and the missus think she'll thank you one day but I think it's gonna be in your sleep." "Tell her she can take the semester off." "She'll go back to school." "All right." "All right what?" " You'll hire the best outside counsel?" " What are you talking about?" "You'll hire the very best outside counsel and the very best PR firm?" "Of course." "Then I'm onboard." "Did you understand all those words?" "We're gonna use the three-foot slab saw, Cally." "Cut a 20-by-10-foot section of the deck." "That big?" "Assuming we don't hit concrete under the layer of 15-pound asphalt felt..." "We will." " a demolition crew will remove all the piping from the original heating system." "Once Bevo's gone down there and rescued the animals..." " It's okay with me if the animals die." " Mr. Shanley..." "It's okay with me if she gets seriously injured." " We cutting around the electrical?" " That's where." "I'll shut off the circuit breakers." "It's on the roof." "I'll be right back." "Bevo, I think your plan worked out incredibly well." " Thanks, man." " You bet." ""In science news Dr. Grigory Perelman solved a mathematical problem known as the Poincaré conjecture by successfully inventing a formula that proves that a rabbit is a sphere."" "What day is today?" " Matty, I think you need to go home." " I'm okay." " I don't think you are." "You need..." " I can't go home, Wendy." "I have to..." "Among other things, I have to find a punch line for this." "Come on, this is..." "A guy successfully invented a formula that proves a rabbit is a sphere." "It's Thursday." "How about if you lie down for...?" "I can't, Wendy." "I can't go home, I can't lie down." "It's Thursday." "I appreciate it, but look at the clock." "That clock is pretty..." " I'd like to go get Danny." " Leave him alone." "You'll feel better if you talk to him." " I like talking to you." " Come on, let me..." "You can't get him." "Please." "It's Thursday, he's gonna worry." "He's paid to worry, hon." "No, just don't tell him what happened." "You've never been turned down by a woman before?" "You've never been turned down by a woman before?" "Not this many times in one night by the same person, no." "Say in four months you lose interest." "You won't break up with me because I'm seven months pregnant and you always wanna do the right thing." "And then you marry me, and after four years you just can't take it because you never loved me in the first place and you leave and we have a 4-year-old who just lost his father for the second time." "Did we ever go out to dinner anywhere in there?" "I'm not joking." "What happened to pretending you only had a year to live?" "You stood in Matt's office when you thought you were gonna be fired said you were gonna run the network like you only had a year to live." "I'm gonna be somebody's mother." " Give me your pad and pen." " Why?" "People should be back in the building." "I'm gonna slide a note under the door maybe somebody'll see it." "I wasn't gonna lose interest in four months." " How do you know?" " Because I do." "I don't feel sorry for you, I'm not on a sobriety high I just wanna be with you." "What am I writing with?" "My eyeliner." "Chanel Sable." "I've been locked on a roof for four hours with a deadly viper at large and it's the best night of my life because I was with you." "I wasn't gonna lose interest in four months." "How do I know?" "Because I'm like a hundred times smarter than you and I know these things." "Hey!" "Jordan, Danny, you guys are here?" " Yeah." " We've been looking for you." " Yeah?" " Yeah." " Where?" "!" " How long you been up here?" "Little while, Cal." "Where's the snake?" " Thought I wouldn't figure it out?" " Excuse me, I need to find food." "Danny." "Thank you." "It's been a pleasure." "How'd you guys do?" "The hell happened?" "Yes a snake got loose." " How many hours ago?" " Tuesday." "We sent a ferret down after the snake when the ferret didn't come out, we sent down a coyote." " Oh, my God." " Named Yotie." "We have to rip up the stage now." "I've told the cast the theater is full of toxic mold and we're gonna be fined pretty heavily by several agencies." "How much could we shoot it for if we went out?" " Seventy-two thousand." " How much did you say if we stayed in?" "Fifty-four thousand." "And how much will it have ended up costing us?" "235,000." "Little bit more if the ferret ends up eating the snake." "You better hope the ferret eats the snake, my friend." "Because if I go down there..." "And by the way, unless this $235,000 film wins something at Cannes..." "How the hell did that get in there?" "Danny?" "What is it?" "Chanel Sable." "Jordan?" "Jordan?" "Jordan?" "Jord...?" " Yeah, I do." " Have you seen Jordan?" " No." " Jordan!" "Look behind you." "Don't ever make fun of my magic tricks." "What's Dolphin Girl?" "Harriet has a voice that's funny." "I don't know how she does it, really." "She makes it come out of her socks." " What'd she say to you, Matt?" " Nothing." "It's all right." "You know, we've broken up about 50 times." "This time, we weren't even going out." " But this time was different?" " Yeah, a little." "How?" "It doesn't matter." "Still haven't been able to write a sketch for it." " What?" " Dolphin Girl, I haven't been able to write a sketch for it." "Think that's why she got mad at me?" "Yes, Matt, I do." "You have to understand women." "They want men to write sketches for them when they come up with funny voices." "You can't just..." "I can be a better boyfriend than I was before." "And I could be a good husband." " You should tell her that." " Well, I'm telling you, Wendy." "I'm saying I could be better than I was last time." "Matty..." "I'm getting married." "Hang on." "Hey, baby." "Yeah." "I'm on my way home, sweetie." "Bye." " I have to go." " Yeah, sure." "It's late." " You're all right getting home?" " Oh, yeah." "Congratulations on..." "Thanks." "He's the man of my dreams." "Took him long enough to find me." "Well, we can be stupid." "I really can tell that joke, you know." "Poverty and..." "I know." "And you'll get that punch line too."