"[julie delpy's "an ocean apart" playing]" "♪ now we are together ♪" "♪ sitting outside in the sunshine ♪" "♪ but soon ♪" "♪ we'll be apart ♪" "♪ and soon ♪" "♪ it'll be night in bloom ♪" "♪ now things are fine ♪" "♪ the clouds are far away up in the sky ♪" "♪ but soon ♪" "♪ I'll be on a plane ♪" "♪ and soon ♪" "♪ you'll feel the cold rain ♪" "♪ you promised to stay in touch ♪" "♪ when we're apart ♪" "♪ you promised before I left ♪" "♪ that you'll always love me ♪" "♪ time goes by, and people cry ♪" "♪ and everything goes too fast ♪" "Woman:" "do you consider the book" "To be autobiographical?" "Mm-hmm." "Um, well, I mean..." "Isn't everything autobiographical?" "I mean, we all see the world" "Through our own..." "Tiny keyhole, right?" "I mean, I always think of thomas wolfe." "You know, have you ever seen that" "That little one-page "note to reader"" "In the front of look homeward, angel." "Right?" "You know what'm talking about?" "Anyway, h-he says that" "We are the sum of all the moments of our lives," "And that anybody who sits down to write" "Is gonna use the clay of their own life," "That you can't avoid that." "So when I look at my own life, you know," "I have to admit, right, that I've" "I've never been around a bunch of guns, or violence," "You know, not really." "No..." "Political intrigue, or helicopter crash, right," "But my life," "From my own point of view, has been full of drama, right?" "And, uh, so I thought if I could write a book that..." "That could capture what it's like" "To really meet somebody." "I mean, one of the most exciting things" "That's ever happened to me, right," "Is to really meet somebody," "Make that connection, and if I could..." "Make that valuable, you know, to capture that," "That would be the attempt, or..." "Did I answer your question?" "I..." "I'll try to be more specific." "Okay." "Okay." "Were there ever a french young woman on a train," "You met and spent an evening with?" "Ahhh..." "Um..." "See, to me, that..." "I mean, uh..." "That's not important, you know?" "Woman:" "so that's a yes." "All right, since I'm in France," "And this is the last stop of my book tour," "Yes." "[crowd laughing]" "Thank you." "Mr. Wallace, um," "The book ends on an ambiguous note." "We don't know." "D-do you think they get back together" "In six months" "Like they promise each other?" "Jesse:" "like they promised?" "Um..." "I think I answered that." "You know?" "It's a" "It's a good test, right," "If you're a romantic or a cynic." "Right?" "I mean," "You think-- you think they get back together, right?" "You don't, for sure." "No." "And you hope they do, but, you know, you're not sure." "That's why you're asking the question." "And-- and do you think they get back together?" "I mean, did you in real life?" "[sighs]" "Did I in real--?" "[man laughs]" "Look, in the words of my grandfather, okay," ""to answer that..." "Would take the piss out of the whole thing."" "Oh, no." "[speaks french]" "We just have the time" "For one last question, hmm?" "What--?" "What is your next book?" "Uh..." "I don't know, man." "I don't know." "I've been..." "I've been thinking about this" "Well, I always kind of wanted to write a book" "That all took place within the space of a pop song." "You know, like three or four minutes long," "The whole thing." "The story, the idea, is that there's this guy," "All right, and..." "He's totally depressed." "I mean, his great dream" "Was to be a lover, an adventurer," "You know, riding motorcycles through south america," "And instead, he's sitting at a marble table, eating lobster," "And he's got a good job and a beautiful wife, right." "But-- you know, everything that he needs..." "But that d-- doesn't matter," "Because what he wants..." "Is to fight for meaning, you know?" "I mean, happiness is in the doing, right?" "Not in the getting what you want." "So he's sitting there," "And just that second," "His little 5-year-old daughter hops up on the table," "And he knows that she should get down," "Because she could get hurt." "But she's dancing to this pop song" "In a summer dress," "And he looks down," "And all of a sudden," "He's 16..." "And his high-school sweetheart is dropping him off at home." "And they just lost their virginity," "And she loves him," "And the same song is playing on the car radio." "And she climbs up" "And starts dancing on the roof of the car," "And now-- now he's worried about her." "And she's beautiful, with a..." "A facial expression, you know, just like his daughter's." "In fact, you know, maybe that's why he even likes her." "You know, I mean, see..." "He knows he's not remembering this dance." "He's there." "He's there in" "In both moments, simultaneously," "And just, like, for an instant, all his life is just" "Folding in on itself," "And it's obvious to him that time is a lie." "Uh..." "That it's all happening all the time," "And inside every moment is another moment, all..." "You know, happening simultaneously." "And, anyway, that's-- that's kind of the idea." "Anyway." "Well, our author" "Has to be going to the airport soon," "So thank you all very much" "For coming over this afternoon..." "And a special thanks to mr." "Wallace" "For being with us." "[applause] thank you." "Thank you." "We hope to see you" "Here again with your next book." "[speaking in french]" "Thank you all." "How much longer" "Before I have to go to the airport?" "Oh, you should leave at 7:30." "Er, 7:30 at the very latest, hmm?" "Okay." "Okay." "[people speaking in french]" "Hi." "Hello." "[both chuckle]" "How are you?" "Good, and you?" "Um..." "I'm good." "Yeah, I'm great." "I'm, uh..." "Do you wanna maybe get a cup of coffee?" "Didn't he just say you have a plane to catch?" "Uh..." "Yeah..." "But, um, I mean, I have a little time." "Okay." "Yeah?" "All right, well, let me..." "I'll meet you outside." "Okay." "Jesse:" "excuse me." "I'm just gonna go out and get a cup of coffee." "I'll be back at 7:15." "Did you sign all these?" "Um, yeah, I sure did." "Well, get your driver philippe's card" "So that you can call his cell phone" "If you're running late." "All right." "And we'll put your bags in the car" "So you're not late going to the airport." "All right, thanks for everything." "Thank you." "Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle." "Excusez-moi." "Which one's philippe?" "[manager speaking french]" "I-- [laughs]" "I can't believe you're here." "Well, I live here in paris." "Wow." "Um..." "Are you sure you don't have to stay?" "You're not supposed to talk some more?" "No, no." "They're sick of me." "I spent the night here last night." "Oh, you did?" "Yeah, yeah." "They got a loft upstairs." "Oh, wow." "Anyway, how are you?" "This is so weird." "I'm fine." "It's..." "[laughs]" "It's good to see you." "It's good to see you." "So, you want to go to a café?" "Uh, yeah." "Okay." "There's one a little further..." "Okay." "That I like." "I thought I was gonna totally lose it in there" "When I first saw you." "I" "I mean, how'd you even know I was gonna be here?" "Well, it's my favorite bookstore in paris." "I-- you can sit down for hours and read." "I love it." "[accordion playing romantic music]" "There's fleas, but, you know." "I know, I know." "I think a cat slept on my head lasnight." "So I saw your picture on the calendar" "About a month ago, yeah." "And that you were going to be here." "It's funny, because I read an article on your book," "Uh-huh." "And..." "It sounded vaguely familiar." "Vaguely?" "Yeah." "Yes." "[chuckles] [laughs]" "But I didn't put it all together" "Until I saw your photo, so..." "Did you..." "Have a chance to read it?" "Yes, I, um..." "I was really, really surprised," "As you can imagine." "I mean..." "I had to read it twice, actually." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Comme ci comme ça?" "No, I liked it!" "Yeah?" "It's very romantic." "I usually don't like that," "But it's really well-written." "It's really well-written." "No, no." "All right." "No, I really-- congratulations." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Wait." "What?" "Before we go anywhere, I have, um..." "I have to ask you..." "Sure, what?" "Did you show up in vienna that December?" "Oh..." "Uh..." "Did you?" "No, I couldn't, but did you?" "I need to know." "It's important to me." "Why, if you didn't?" "Well, did you?" "No." "Oh!" "Oh, thank god, you didn't." "Well, thank god, you didn't." "Oh, my god." "I mean, thank god, I didn't, and you didn't." "If only one of us had showed up there, alone," "I know." "Then that would've sucked." "I know." "I was so concerned with that." "I always felt horrible about not being there," "But I couldn't." "You know, my grandma died a few days before," "And she was buried that day, December 16th." "That day." "She died, the one in budapest?" "Yes." "You remember that?" "Yeah, I remember everything." "Of course, it was in your book." "I know, so..." "But anyway, I was about to fly to vienna," "You know, and I" "And we heard the news about her," "And, of course, I had to go to the funeral" "With my parents." "Yeah, well," "I'm sorry to hear that." "I know..." "But you weren't there, anyway." "Wait." "Why weren't you there?" "I would've been there if I could've." "I made plans and..." "Wait." "You better have a good reason." "What?" "Oh." "No." "No, you were there, weren't you?" "Oh, no." "[laughing] oh, that's terrible!" "I know I'm laughing, but I don't mean it." "Did you hate me?" "You must've hated me." "Have you been hating me all this time?" "You have." "No." "Yes, you have." "No, no." "Oh, but you can't hate me now, right?" "I don't-- my grandma" "I don't hate you, all right?" "Come on." "It's no big deal, all right?" "I flew all the way over there." "You blew the thing off," "And my life's been a big nosedive since then," "But I mean, it's not a problem." "You can't say that." "I'm kidding." "Oh, I can't believe it!" "You must have been so angry with me." "I'm so sorry." "I really wanted to be there" "More than anything in the world." "I swear." "Honestly." "I swear" "You can't be angry now-- my grandmother." "No, I know." "I know." "I honestly thought" "That something like that might've happened." "I was definitely bummed, [sighs]" "But..." "Mostly, I was just mad" "We hadn't exchanged any phone numbers" "Or any information." "I know." "I know." "That was so stupid." "No way to get in touch." "We had nothing to go on." "I didn't know your last name, nothing." "I know, I know." "Remember, we were both afraid" "That if we started writing and calling," "That it would slowly..." "You know, fade out." "Yeah, it definitely wasn't a slow fade." "No, it sure wasn't." "[laughs]" "I know, we wanted to pick it up where we left off." "Which would've been fine if it had worked." "Yes, a good idea." "Yep." "Oh, well." "[sighs]" "So..." "So..." "How long were you in vienna, then?" "Eh, just a couple days." "Did you meet another girl?" "Uh, yeah." "Her name was gretchen," "And she was amazing." "You did?" "Yeah, the book's really a composite of the two of you." "Really?" "Oh, no." "No, I'm kidding." "You wouldn't believe it." "I even went back to the train station." "I put up signs, you know, of my number at the hotel" "Oh..." "In case you'd been delayed." "I was a total dork." "Let's go this way." "Did you get any calls?" "Just a couple hookers looking for a gig, you know." "No, it was awful." "I mean, what do you want me to say?" "Like..." "Oh, that's so sad." "I'm so sorry." "I walked around for a couple days." "Eventually, I flew home." "I owed my dad 2000 bucks." "Who had warned me about french chicks, I have to say." "What did he tell you about french women?" "Nothing, the guy" "He's never met any french women." "Okay." "He's never been east of the mississippi." "So why didn't you put that six months later" "The french bitch didn't show up?" "No, but I did." "I did." "You did?" "No." "Yeah, no" "I mean, I made it more hopeful." "I" " I wrote this whole fictional version" "Where you actually do show up." "Oh, what happens?" "Well, um..." "What?" "Uh, we" "We make love for about 10 days straight." "That's one part of it." "Oh, that's interesting." "So the french slut, right?" "Yeah, exactly." "Yeah, okay, great." "Okay." "It's just then, you know, they" "They start to get to know each other better," "And they realize that they don't get along at all." "Oh, I like that." "It's more real." "Yeah, well, my editor didn't think that way." "No, everyone wants to believe in love." "It sells, right?" "Yeah, exactly, so..." "So things are going well for you, right?" "I mean, your book is a best-seller in the u.S." "Yeah-- er, it's a tiny best-seller." "Oh, come on." "No, uh" "All right." "Yeah, right, officially, yes," "But most people haven't read moby dick, you know," "So why should they read my book?" "I haven't read moby dick, and I liked your book, so..." "Oh." "Thanks." "I mean" "Even though..." "[chuckles]" "I thought you idealized the night of it." "Oh." "Come on." "It's officially fiction, right?" "No, no." "I mean, I'm supposed to..." "I know." "I know, I thought, you know," "There were times where you made me-- [gasps] what?" "Well, I mean, "her," right?" "No, "me."" "Okay, whatever." "Uh, a little bit neurotic." "All right." "But you are a little bit like that, aren't you?" "You think I'm neurotic?" "No." "No, no." "No." "Come on, I'm kidding." "Where did I do that?" "I didn't do that." "Well, maybe it's just me." "You know, um..." "Reading something," "Knowing that the character in the story is based on you," "It's both..." "Flattering and disturbing at the same time." "Yeah?" "H-how is it disturbing?" "I don't know." "Um, just being part of someone else's memory." "Seeing myself through your eyes." "How long did it take you to write it?" "Um..." "Uh..." "Three or four years, on and off." "Wow, that's a really long time" "To be writing about one night." "Yeah, I know." "Tell me about it." "[groans]" "I always assumed you had forgotten me." "[chuckles]" "No, I had a pretty clear picture of you in my mind." "I have to tell you something." "I just-- what?" "I've wanted to talk to you for so long." "But now-- yeah, me too." "It's just surreal." "I know, I know." "I feel like everything out of my mouth should be" "How long do we have?" "Twenty minutes and 30 seconds?" "Let's go." "No, we got more than that." "I want to know about you." "Tell me, what are you doing?" "You know, what are you up to?" "Uh..." "Where to start?" "I, uh..." "I work for green cross." "It's an environmental organization." "Yeah, what are they all about?" "Well, we basically work" "On different environment issues," "From clean water right." "To disarmament of chemical weapons." "You know, international laws" "That deal with the environment." "And wh-what do you do for them?" "We're going this way." "Oh." "Uh..." "Different things." "Like, last year I was in india for quite a while," "Working on a water-treatment plant." "Wow!" "Yeah, well, the cotton industry there" "Is a major source of pollution." "So..." "I mean, itust sounds like you're actually" "Doing something, you know?" "I mean, most people, myself included," "Just sit around and bitch." "America's consuming all the world's resources," "Yep." "Suvs suck," "Global warming is real." "You know, I'm really relieved to hear" "You're not one of those" ""freedom fries" kind of americans." "Yeah, well..." "Hey, you know..." "But how'd you get into that?" "Ah, I came out of political science," "And I was hoping to work for the government," "And I did for a little while." "Ugh." "Terrible." "Not good?" "Yeah, no." "Anyway, I got really tired" "Let's go this way." "of having this endless conversation with friends" "About how the world was falling to pieces," "So I decided what I really wanted to do" "Was to find things that could be fixed" "And try to fix them, you know?" "Yeah, you know, I just-- well..." "I've always thought you'd be doing something cool like that." "I did." "I..." "Thanks." "I just" "I just feel really..." "Really lucky to be doing a job I like, you know?" "Yeah." "You know, I actually alternated" "Between thinking that, you know," "Everything is irrevocably screwed up," "And that things might be getting better in some ways." "Better?" "How could you possibly say that?" "Well, I just mean, you know, like..." "I mean, I know it sounds weird," "But there are things to be optimistic about." "Okay." "Um, I know your book is selling, which is great." "I'm very happy for you, I" "But let me break the news to you, okay?" "The world is a mess right now." "I'm not" "I wasn't-- from a western point of view," "Things are getting a bit better, okay." "We're moving all our industry to developing nations" "I know-- where we can get cheap labor" "Free of any environmental laws, okay." "The weapon industry is booming." "Five million people die every year" "From preventable water diseases." "Right." "I know." "I" "So how is the world getting any better?" "I'm not getting angry, but come on, I want to know." "I'm interested." "Okay." "Okay." "I realize..." "[sighs]" "That there are a lot of serious problems in the world." "Okay, thank you." "Okay?" "I mean, I don't even have one publisher" "In the whole asian market." "Okay." "All right." "[laughs]" "Say "stop." what, what?" "Stop." "Ohhh!" "No, look, all I'm saying" "Is there's more awareness out there, right?" "People are gonna fight back," "Okay." "You know?" "I mean" "I mean, I think the world might be getting better" "Because people like you are educated and speaking out." "Even the very notion of conservation" "And environmental issues, yeah." "Those weren't even in the vocabulary" "Until fairly recently, you know?" "And they're becoming the norm," "And eventually, might be what's expected" "All over the world, you'd think." "I agree with what you're saying," "But at the same time, it's dangerous." "An imperialist country" "Can use that kind of thinking" "To justify their economic greed." "Yeah." "You know, hu-- human rights" "Is there any particular imperialist country" "You have in mind there, frenchie?" "Hmm." "No, not really." "No?" "Mm-mmm." "Bonsoir." "Bonsoir." "[sighs]" "So you want to sit over there?" "Yeah, all this is perfect." "Oh, wow." "Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be" "Evolving the way a person evolves, right?" "Mm-hmmm." "Like, I mean, me, for example." "Am I getting worse?" "Am I improving?" "I don't know." "When I was younger..." "I was healthier," "But I was, uh, wracked with insecurity, you know?" "Now I'm older, and my problems are deeper," "But I'm more equipped to handle them." "So, what are your problems?" "Right now..." "I don't have any." "I don't, you know?" "I'm just..." "[inhales]" "Damn happy to be here." "Me too." "So how long have you been in paris?" "I got in last night." "I've done 10 cities in 12 days, and I'm..." "I'm wrecked." "I'm so glad it's over, you know?" "I'm tired of being a huckster." "Hello." "[speaks french]" "What do you want?" "Um..." "A cup of coffee." "[speaks french] [sighs]" "God, I love this café." "I wish they had places like this in the u.S." "Yeah, I missed cafés when I was living over there." "I mean, I find a few places I really liked," "But there was-- wait, you" "You were living in the u.S.?" "Yes, from, uh, '96 to '99." "I was studying at nyu." "Oh, god!" "Don't tell me that, celine." "What?" "No." "No, it's just..." "Nothing." "I mean, I-- what?" "I've been living in new york since '98, you know?" "We were there at the same time." "In new york?" "Yeah." "Wow, that's weird." "It actually crossed my mind a few times" "That I might run into you," "But the odds are so slim, right?" "So..." "I didn't even know what city you were living in." "Weren't you somewhere in texas?" "Point, texas." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Definitely." "I just-- I was for a long time." "I just..." "You know, wanted to try new york." "Hmmm." "Wow." "What brought you back here?" "Uh..." "I had finished my master's, for one," "And no visa, no more visa." "And anyway, I was starting to get paranoid." "All the violence in the medias," "Gang violence, murders, oh, yeah." "Right." "Especially serial killers." "[laughs]" "But the final straw was" "One night I heard some noise on my fire escape," "So I called 911," "And the cops came eventually." "Yeah, three hours later." "Yeah, after I'd been..." "Raped and killed about three times." "[laughs]" "No, but-- it was a man and a woman officer," "And I was explaining to them what I had heard" "When the woman had to run downstairs" "To move the police car," "So I was left alone with the male cop," "And right away he asked me if I had a gun," "And I said, "no, of course not." "I..."" "And he told me," ""well, you'd better think about getting one." "This is america, not France."" "Okay?" "And I said to him, you know," ""I have no idea how to shoot a gun," "And I have no interest in firearms whatsoever,"" "And that's when he pulled out his gun like this:" "And he went, "well, one day..." ""you're gonna have something like this in your face," ""and if you wanna have a long life..." "You're gonna have to choose between you or them."" "And then they left." "And the next morning," "I called for an application to get a gun." "[laughs] me, with a gun." "I mean, that's really scary." "But then I realized something was wrong." "The way that cop had pulled his gun out," "And everything, right?" "Yeah, sure." "So I cancelled my demand for the gun," "And I called the police station" "And tried to complain about that cop's behavior, but" "What happened with that?" "It was so much paperwork." "[laughs] and then I got" "Scared with my shitty student visa." "Yeah, he thought you'd get deported?" "Yeah, exactly." "Yeah." "So I gave up, and I forgot about the whole thing." "Well, I guess I never forgot." "Well, obviously." "I'll get through." "Yeah." "[chuckles]" "But still, you know, [sighs]" "I really enjoyed being there." "There's a lot of things I miss about the u.S." "Yeah, like what?" "Um..." "Well..." "The overall good mood people have there," "Like, you know, even if it can be bullshit sometimes." "Like, "how you doing?"" ""great, how you doing?" "great!"" "[laughs] "have a great day!"" "I don't know." "Parisians can be so grumpy, have you noticed?" "Mmm..." "No, everybody seems no?" "Pretty happy to me." "Mmm." "They're not happy." "They're not happy?" "Nnnn-- no." "[both laugh]" "No, they are." "I don't know, really." "I just mean french men." "They drive me nuts." "What is it?" "What about them?" "Well, they're very nice." "They" "They're great, you know, to be around." "They love food, wine." "They're great cooks, but I don't know," "Maybe I've" " I've had really bad luck with them." "Well, why, what do you mean?" "Um, well." "I guess they're not as..." "What?" "What's the word?" "Um..." "Horny?" "[laughs]" "They're not as horny." "Horny?" "All right, now, wait." "Now listen to me on this one." "All right, in that regard, I am proud to be an american." "And you should be, in that regard only." "Merci." "Have you ever spent some time in eastern europe?" "Eastern--?" "No." "I don't" "No?" "Thank you." "I remember as a teenager I went to warsaw" "When it was still a strict communist regime" "Which I don't approve of at all." "Oh, yeah, sure you do." "No, I don't." "No, I was just kidding." "But anyway, something about being there" "Was very interesting, I found." "After a couple of weeks, something changed in me." "The city was quite gloomy and gray, and..." "But after a while, my brain seemed clearer." "I was writing a lot more in my journal," "Ideas I'd never thought of before" "Communist ideas?" "Listen, I am not a communist." "No." "Sorry, I can't-- well, okay." "Go on." "Okay." "[both laugh]" "I'll send you to a gulag." "Okay." "No, well, it took me a while to figure out" "Why I felt, you know, so different." "And then one day," "As I was walking through the jewish cemetery," "I don't know why, but it occurred to me there," "I realized that I had spent the last two weeks" "Away from most of my habits." "Tv was in a language I didn't understand." "There was nothing to buy." "No advertisements anywhere." "So all I'd been doing was..." "Walk around, think and write." "My brain felt like it was at rest," "Free from the "consuming" frenzy." "And I have to say, it was almost like a natural high." "I felt so peaceful inside." "No strange urge to be somewhere else," "To shop..." "Mm-hmm." "Maybe it could have seemed like boredom at first," "But it quickly became very, very soulful." "Hmm." "It was interesting, you know?" "Can you believe it was nine years ago" "That we were walking around vienna?" "Nine years?" "No, that's impossible." "Nine." "I was." "I know, it feels like two months ago to me," "But it was summer '94." "Mm-hmm." "Do I look any different?" "I do?" "I'd have to see you naked." "What?" "!" "I know, I'm sorry." "[both laugh]" "No, your hair was different back then." "It was like..." "Well, it's the same" "Yeah, take it down." "Let's see." "Down." "It was down, okay." "Yeah." "Well?" "Voilà." "So?" "Well..." "Okay, come on." "Tell me." "Uh..." "Skinnier, I think." "Little thinner." "Did you think I was fat before?" "No." "[laughs]" "Yeah, you thought I was a fatty." "No, you thought I was a fatty!" "Yeah, you wrote a book about a fat french girl." "No, listen." "Oh, no..." "Seriously, all right, you look beautiful." "Do I look any different?" "No." "Mmm?" "Not at all." "Oh." "Actually, you have this line." "I know." "It's like a scar." "A scar?" "What, like a gunshot wound?" "[laughs]" "No, no, no, I like it." "I'm sorry." "I had this..." "Funny" "Well..." "Horrible dream the other day." "Um..." "I was having this awful nightmare" "That I was 32, really?" "And then I woke up, and I was 23." "So relieved." "Right." "And then I woke up for real, and I was 32." "Shit." "I know." "Scary." "It happens." "Yeah, time goes faster and faster." "Apparently, it's because we don't" "Renew our synapses after 20, so it's pretty much" "Downhill from then on." "Oh, well." "Yeah." "[laughs]" "I like getting older, you know?" "Life feels..." "I don't know," "It feels more immediate." "Mm-hmm." "You know, like, I can appreciate things more." "No, me too, actually." "I" " I really love it." "I was once a..." "A drummer in a band." "You were?" "Yeah." "We were pretty good, actually." "Wow." "Mm-hmm." "But the lead singer guy," "He was just so obsessed with us getting a record deal, you know?" "Yeah." "It's all we talked about." "It's all we thought about, getting bigger shows." "Everything was just focused on the future all the time." "And now the..." "Band doesn't even exist anymore, right?" "And looking back at the..." "At the shows we did play," "Even rehearsing, you know?" "It was so much fun." "Now I'd be able to enjoy every minute of it." "Could I have a drag of that?" "Mm-hmm." "Well, your book has been published." "That's-- that's a pretty big deal," "And you've been all around europe with it." "Are you enjoying every minute of it?" "Not really." "Not really?" "No." "[both laugh]" "You have another one of those?" "Yes, of course." "Um..." "Here." "In my field, I see these people that" "Oh, sorry." "come into it with big idealist visions" "Of becoming the new leader that will create a better world." "They enjoy the goal, but not the process." "Right." "But the reality of it is" "That the true work of improving things" "Is in the little achievements of the day," "And that's what you need to enjoy, to stay in that field." "What do you mean here, exactly?" "Well, for example," "I was working for this organization" "That helped villages in mexico," "And their concerns was how to get the pencils" "Sent to the kid in those little country schools." "It was not about big, revolutionary ideas." "Hmm." "It was about pencils." "I see the people that do the real work," "And what's really sad, in a way, is that" "The people that are the most giving, hard-working," "And capable of making this world better" "Usually don't have the ego and ambition to be a leader." "They don't see any interest in superficial rewards." "They don't care" "If their name ever appear in the press." "They actually enjoy the process of helping others." "They're in the moment." "Yeah, but that's so hard," "You know, to be in the moment." "Yeah." "I mean, I just feel like I'm..." "Designed to be..." "Slightly dissatisfied with everything, you know?" "I mean, like, always trying to better my situation, you know?" "I satisfy one desire, and it just agitates another." "You know, but then I think ah, to hell with it, right?" "I mean, desire's the fuel of life." "Yes." "I mean, do you think" "It's true that if..." "If we never wanted anything, we'd never be unhappy?" "I don't know." "Not wanting anything is" "Isn't that a sympm of depression?" "[laughs]" "Yeah, that is, right?" "Yes, I..." "I mean, it's healthy to desire, right?" "Yeah." "I don't know." "I mean, it's what all those buddhist guys say, right?" "You know, liberate yourself from desire," "And you'll find that you already have everything you need." "Yeah, but I feel really alive" "When I want something more than just basic survival needs." "I mean, wanting, whether it's intimacy with another person," "Or a new pair of shoes, is kind of beautiful." "I like that we have those ever-renewing desires." "You know?" "Yeah, well," "Maybe it's just a sense of entitlement." "You know, like, whenever you feel" "Like you deserve that new pair of shoes." "You know?" "I mean, it's okay to want things" "As long as you don't get pissed off" "If you don't get them." "Right?" "Yeah." "Life's hard." "It's supposed to be." "If we didn't suffer, we wouldn't learn a thing," "You know?" "So, what are you, buddhist or something?" "No." "No?" "Why not?" "I don't know." "Uh..." "Same reason I don't" "Really consider myself anything, really." "Yeah, I know." "I decided a long time ago" "That I was gonna be open to everything," "But not buy into any one and only belief system." "I went to this trappist monastery" "A couple years ago." "Trappist?" "Yeah, they're catholic, cistercian." "Oh." "Yeah." "Why did you do that?" "Why?" "I'd just been doing some reading, I guess." "I don't know." "I thought it'd be cool." "Have you ever spent any time with any monks or nuns?" "No." "It's not really my style." "No?" "No." "[both laugh]" "But go ahead." "Well, I" "I expected them to be all glowering and stern," "You know, but they weren't." "They were really quick to laugh, really easy to be around." "Seriously, very attuned to everything." "[chuckles] they were just, uh..." "You know, they weren't" "Trying to hustle anybody." "Mm-hmm." "They're trying to live and die in peace with god," "You know, or whatever part of them they feel is eternal." "You know, and it was just so refreshing to be around." "You know, you realize that most of the people that you meet" "Are trying to get somewhere better." "You know, they're trying to make a little bit more cash." "They're trying to get a little more respect," "Have more people admire them, you know?" "It's just exhausting." "No kidding." "You know, and it's exhausting" "To be one of those people yourself, you know?" "[laughs] I mean, there I am, right?" "You know, all greedy to be more spiritual, you know?" "I wanna be a better person, you know?" "You can't escape." "I had this, uh..." "This boyfriend of mine, many years ago," "That wanted to be a buddhist." "So he went to asia to visit some of those monasteries." "Yeah, I thought about doing that too." "Yeah, and you should." "Really?" "I'll tell you why." "Uh, he was quite good-looking," "And each time he went to one of those monasteries," "A monk offered to suck his cock." "[both laugh]" "True story." "Well, it all comes down to that, doesn't it?" "Mmm." "And I think that's why I really admire what you're doing." "You know?" "What do you mean, sucking cock?" "Uh, no!" "No?" "[both laugh]" "Wrong answer." "No." "Yeah" "No, I was gonna say, uh..." "You know, you're not detached from life, you know?" "You've put in your-- passion into action." "Well, I try." "Hey, you know something?" "What?" "I'm gonna be on planes and, like, in an airport" "For the next eight hours." "Uh-huh." "I'd just love to see a little bit more of paris." "Would you walk around with me a little?" "Yeah, let's do that." "Do you mind?" "No." "Let's." "Yeah, that's great." "Do you want to?" "What do we owe here?" "4.50." "Uh" "No, I got it." "I got it." "Okay." "I got a little per diem going on here." "This good for, like, a tip and everything?" "Yeah, that's fine." "Yeah?" "That's more than enough." "I'll throw that in there too." "All right, is there anywhere to go around here?" "Uh, it's sales day today." "What's that?" "It's when everything is on sale in paris." "It's twice a year." "Au revoir." "Merci." "[man speaks french]" "Au revoir." "Merci." "Oh, let's go shopping." "No, no, no, no." "That's a bad idea." "I don't want to inflict that on you." "No?" "It's madness." "Let's just go on this garden path." "All right." "It's really nice." "Jesse:" "all right." "All right." "That sounds better than shopping, actually." "I mean, not that I wouldn't do whatever you wanted." "You know, sometimes, I don't even need to buy anything." "I just get high on trying on and looking at things." "You know, a therapist would tell you" "Is this where we're going?" "Yeah." "A therapist would tell you that's all good." "Really?" "Yeah." "Are you ever in therapy?" "No." "Jesse:" "do I seem like I'm in therapy?" "Celine:" "I'm kidding." "Has it helped your sex problems?" "My sex problems?" "No, I'm kidding." "Oh, come on." "Tell me the truth." "We didn't have any problems that night." "No, I'm kidding." "We didn't even have sex anyway." "Wait, that's a joke, right?" "No, we didn't." "Well, what--?" "That was the whole thing." "No, of course we did." "No, no, no, no." "We didn't." "You didn't have a condom," "And I never have sex without one." "Especially on a one-night thing." "I'm extremely paranoid about my health." "There's no way-- whoa, whoa." "I'm finding this scary that you don't remember." "Why--?" "No, listen." "Okay?" "I didn't write an entire book, [chuckles] but I kept a journal, okay?" "And I wrote the whole night in it." "That's what I meant, you idealizing the night." "All right, listen." "I even remember what brand of condom we used." "Okay, that's disgusting." "I don't want to hear it." "That's not disgusting." "No." "Well..." "Okay, you know what?" "When I get home, I'll check my journal from '94," "But I know I'm right." "All right." "Wait a minute." "What?" "Was it in the cemetery?" "[scoffs] no." "No, we went to the cemetery in the afternoon." "It was in the park, very late at night." "In the park." "Park..." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "This is..." "I can't..." "[chuckles]" "No, I-- is it that forgettable?" "I mean, you really don't remember?" "In the park." "Okay, wait a minute." "I" " I think you might be right." "All right." "No, you're messing with me now." "No..." "Are you messing with me?" "Okay, no, I'm sorry." "I think you're" "I mean, you're right, okay?" "Sometime I put things in drawers inside my head" "And forget about it." "I guess it's less painful to put certain things away" "Than to live with it." "I'm sorry." "It's" "So that night was like a sad memory for you?" "No, I didn't mean that night in particular," "I just meant certain things are better off forgotten." "I remember that night better than I do entire years." "Me too." "Really?" "Well, I thought I did..." "Uh-huh." "[both chuckle]" "But maybe I..." "Maybe I put it away because of the fact" "That my grandmother's funeral was the day" "We were supposed to meet again." "Yeah, right." "It was a tough day for me," "But it must've been worse for you." "It was unreal." "I remember looking at her dead body in the coffin... [sighs] ...At her beautiful hands, so warm, so sweet," "That used to hold me but..." "Nothing in that coffin resembled what I remembered of her." "All the warmth was gone." "And then I was crying," "So confused, if I was crying" "Because I was never gonna see her again," "Or never gonna see..." "You again, or..." "I'm sorry." "No, it's all right." "I'm sorry to go on like this." "I've been a little down this week, I don't know." "Why?" "I don't know." "Nothing bad." "Just, um..." "Reading your book, maybe?" "No, but thinking of how hopeful I was" "That summer and fall," "And since then it's been kind of, um... [sighs] I don't know." "Memory is a wonderful thing" "If you don't have to..." "Deal with the past." "[both laugh] what?" ""memory is a wonderful thing" "If you don't have to deal with the past."" "Can put that on a bumper sticker?" "You know, if you wrote a book about our night," "That'd be a good title." "Yeah, and it would be a total different book." "Yeah, there'd be no sex scenes." "[laughs] yeah." "But you know what?" "What?" "Now that we've met again," "We can change our memory of that December 16th." "It no longer has that sad ending" "Of us never seeing each other again, right?" "Yeah, you're right." "I mean, I guess a memory's never finished" "As long as you're alive." "Yeah, I know." "[chuckles]" "I have this memory from my childhood" "That I realized recently never happened." "What?" "Well..." "When I was eight nor nine," "My mom was so paranoid when I was walking home" "From my piano lesson at night, mm-hmm." "She would always warn me" "About dirty old men giving me candies" "And then showing me their pee-pees." "[laughs]" "She was so obsessed with it" "That later in life, you know," "I" " I had this image in my head that this really happened," "To the point that I even associated sex" "With that walk home." "I mean, and sometimes even now when I'm... [laughs]" "When I'm hav..." "When I'm having sex," "I see myself walking down that street." "[laughs] I swear." "It's so weird, right?" "Well, is that street nearby?" "I mean, could--?" "Could we?" "No." "Very far." "Did you ever keep a journal when you were a kid?" "Mmm, yeah." "On and off, I guess." "It's funny." "I read, uh..." "One of mine from '83 the other day." "Yeah." "And what really surprised me is" "That I was dealing with life the same way I am now." "I was much more hopeful" "And naive, mm-hmm." "But the core and the way I was feeling things" "Is exactly the same." "Mmm." "It made me realize I haven't changed much at all." "Yeah, I don't think anybody does." "I mean, people don't wanna admit it," "But it's, like, we just" "We have these innate set-points, you know," "Uh-huh." "And it's, like," "Nothing much that happens to us" "Changes our disposition." "Really, you believe that?" "I think so." "I read this study where they followed people" "Who'd won the lottery mm-hmm." "And people who'd become paraplegics, right?" "I mean, you'd think that, you know, one extreme" "Is gonna make you euphoric and the other suicidal," "But the study shows that after about six months," "Mm-hmm." "Right, it" "As soon as people had gotten used to their new situation," "Uh, they were more or less the same." "The same?" "Well-- yeah." "Like, if they were basically" "An optimistic, jovial person, mm-hmm." "They're now an optimistic, jovialerson in a wheelchair." "If they're a petty, miserable asshole," "Okay, they're a petty, miserable asshole" "With a new cadillac, a house and a boat." "[chuckles]" "So you mean I'll be forever depressed" "No matter what great things happen in my life?" "Definitely." "Great." "No, come on." "Are you depressed now?" "No, no, I'm not depressed..." "But sometimes I worry" "That I'll get to the end of my life," "Feeling I haven't done all I wanted to do." "Well, what do you want to do?" "[sighs]" "I, um..." "I want to paint more." "I want to play my guitar everyday." "I want to learn chinese." "I want to write more songs." "There's so many things I want to do," "And I end up doing not much." "[laughs]" "All right." "Well, let me ask you this." "Do you believe in, like, uh, what?" "Ghosts or spirits?" "Uh..." "No." "No?" "No." "Okay, what about reincarnation?" "Not at all." "God?" "No." "[both laugh]" "All right." "That-- that sounds terrible." "No, no, no, but at the same time" "I don't want to be one of those people" "That don't believe in any kind of magic," "You know." "Oh, so then astrology." "Yes, of course!" "There we go." "I mean, that makes sense, right?" "Right." "Obviously." "I mean, you're a scorpio." "I'm a sag." "We get along." "[both laugh]" "No..." "No, no." "There's an einstein quote I really, really like." "He said, "if you don't believe" ""in any kind of magic or mystery," "You're basically as good as dead."" "Hmm." "Yeah, I like that." "Yeah" "I've always felt there was" "Some kind of mystical core to the universe, you know," "But more recently, I've started to think that..." "That me, you know," "My personality, whatever, mm-hmm." "That I don't have any permanent place here." "Mm-hmm." "You know, in eternity or whatever, you know." "And the more I think that, I can't go through life," "Saying that this is no big deal, you know?" "I mean, this is it." "This is actually happening." "What do you think is interesting?" "What do you think is funny?" "What do you think is important, you know?" "Every day is our last." "[chuckles]" "When I feel that way, I usually call my mom" "To tell her how much I love her..." "Yeah?" "And she's always," ""are you okay?" "Do you have cancer?" "[laughs] are you gonna commit suicide?"" "It's almost not worth it." "So, uh..." "So, what about us?" "What about us?" "Look, I..." "What I mean is, um..." "If we were both going to die tonight" "What, like, if the apocalypse was coming?" "No, no, that's too dramatic," "But what if, you know," "Just the two of us were going to die?" "I mean..." "Hmmm." "Would we talk about your book," "The environment, or...?" "If today was our last day." "Yeah, what would we talk about?" "What would you tell me, for example?" "Well..." "That's hard, huh?" "No, well-- no, I'll do it." "I definitely would stop talking about my book." "Okay." "I have to admit" "I would probably drop the environment." "Okay." "But I would still 'ih6twant to talk about, you know," "The magic in the universe." "Mm-hmm." "I'd just want to do it from a..." "What?" "A hotel room, you know," "In between sessions of us wildly fucking until we die." "Wow." "Well, why waste time with an hotel room?" "Why not do it right there on a bench?" "Okay, come on." "No!" "Come here." "Come here." "Come here." "No!" "[laughs]" "Okay." "We're not gonna die tonight." "All right." "Too bad." "Okay?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry." "That was an extreme example." "I was-- okay." "I'm sorry." "What I-- my point was, you know," "To truly communicate with people" "Is very hard to do." "No, I know, I mean, most of our..." "Most of our day-to-day exchanges" "Yeah, I know." "I mean," "Not to bring everything back to sex, but" "But why not?" "No, no." "This example, this friend of mine," "She was talking about" "She and her boyfriend," "Problems in bed..." "Right." "And how when they had been dating for a year," "She started telling him" "What he could do to please her more," "And it totally freaked him out." "Why?" "Totally." "Well, he felt all threatened." "And he thought it meant he was a bad lover..." "Maybe she shouldn't have waited so long," "After a year." "Well, yeah," "But men are so easily offended." "Oh, what, more than women, you think?" "Oh." "Definitely on that subject." "You think so?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Hmm." "Well, maybe it's because, you know..." "Men are easier to, you know..." "To please." "To please?" "Well, I don't know." "Yeah." "Yeah, they are." "They definitely-- definitely." "Anyway, this friend of mine, she was telling me" "That, um, next time she dates another man," "She's gonna make a little questionnaire" "About what they like and dislike before they" "What, like, written down or out loud?" "Yeah, yeah, written down." "Mostly written down..." "But it wouldn't be just, you know, yes or no." "It would be a bit more complex than that." "Like what?" "For example, if the question is..." ""are you into s and m?"" "Uh, the answer could be," ""no, but..." "A good spanking once in a while doesn't hurt."" "Right?" "Right, or like, what," ""do you--?" "So do you like" "Talking dirty in bed," that kind of thing?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but not just like any dirty talk." "Mm-hmm." "Just like, "what specific word" "Would you like to hear," you know?" "Right." "What, me?" "Well, yeah." "Like, for example, like," "What specific word would you like to hear?" "I don't know." "Um..." "What do you feel about the word "pussy"?" "I..." "Love it." "Good." "[laughs]" "It's azing what perverts we've become" "I know." "I know." "In the past nine years." "Well, at least now we don't have to pretend" "That each new sexual experience is, like, a life-altering event." "I know, by now I know" "You've stuck it in so many places," "It's, like, about to fall off, right?" "Mmm, yeah, you know," "I can't realistically expect u've become" "Anything but a total ho at this point, you know." "Yeah, thank you." "[laughs]" "No, I'm s" "That's true." "What can you do?" "Hmm?" "What can you do?" "So..." "[clears throat]" "What kind of songs do you write?" "I didn't know you did that." "What kind?" "Yeah, sure." "I don't know, just songs." "Like" "Like, some are about, you know, people." "Uh..." "Relationships." "One's about my cat." "Sing one." "Just-- no, I can't." "I don't have a guitar." "Oh, I mean, come on." "No, no, no." "A cappella." "I'm not singing a song without a guitar." "You're nuts." "Why not?" "[laughs]" "Just..." "One." "No, okay." "Not now, no." "If not now, when?" "What, you want to meet here in six months with a guitar?" "You know, I'll fly all the way over here." "You may or may not make the métro." "That's funny." "Yeah, there's no-- okay." "We've gotta get going back to the bookstore." "We'll be fine." "You're gonna miss your flight." "All right, all right." "Come on, let's go." "We can walk down la seine." "It's a nice thing." "Okay." "So you're flying back to new york?" "Yeah, yeah." "So I read in that article" "That you're married with a kid." "That's great." "Yeah, he's" "He's four." "Uh-huh." "What's his name?" "Henry." "Little hank." "He's so much fun." "Oh, wow." "I'm sure." "And your wife?" "What does she do?" "She teaches elementary school." "Do you--?" "Do you have kids?" "Yes, two." "Shit!" "What?" "I left them in the car, with the windows up!" "It was six months ago." "Do you think they're okay?" "[laughs] no, I'm kidding." "No, but I want to have kids some day." "I'm just not ready yet." "Yeah?" "Yeah, I'm in a good relationship, though." "Oh, yeah?" "That's good." "Yeah." "What's he do?" "He's a photojournalist." "He does war coverage." "Oh, he away a lot," "Which, in a way, is good for me" "Because I'm so busy." "Yeah, but isn't that dangerous?" "I mean, aren't a lot of those guys" "Getting killed these days?" "He promises me he doesn't take risks," "But I often worry." "He goes into this trance" "When he starts to photograph something." "What do you mean?" "Well, once we were in new delhi," "And we passed a bum that was lying down" "A bomb?" "A bum." "A bum." "A homeless." "[laughs]" "All right, all right." "Anyway, like, he looked like he needed help," "But his first reaction was to photograph him." "He went, like, really close to his face," "Fixing his collar to make it look better." "He was, like, totally detached from the person." "Yeah, but don't you kind of have to be like that" "To be good at that job?" "Yeah, I mean, I'm not, you know," "I'm not judging him for it, you know?" "What he does is essential and incredible." "All I'm saying is that I could never do it." "Yeah, let's get on that boat." "Come on." "No!" "No, come on." "It'll be fun." "You don't have time." "It looks like they're about to take off." "Look, I've got-- I've got 15 more minutes." "Do you have a cell phone?" "Yeah." "All right, well, look." "I got that driver guy's number, and I can call him," "Okay." "And then they can pick us up" "At whatever the next stop is." "You know what?" "I've never been on those boats." "It's for tourists." "It's embarrassing." "Come on." "Okay, all right." "[both speaking french]" "No, I'll get it." "I'll get it." "[celine speaks french]" "All right." "All right, all right." "[celine speaks french]" "Thank you." "[speaks french]" "So are you in love with that guy?" "What guy?" "The war photographer." "Merci." "Yes, of course." "Your change." "Bon voyage." "Merci." "Um, so do you--?" "Do you have that cell phone?" "Oh, yeah." "Okay, let's see." "Okay." "All right, what do I tell him?" "Yeah, tell him to pick you up at quai henri quatre." "Oh, shit." "Uh, qu-quai..." "Henri quatre." "Quai henri quatre." "Henri quatre." "Hen-- [both laugh]" "What's wrong with you?" "No, do you want me to--?" "Henri quatre." "Henry four?" "Yes!" "Come on, why didn't you say so?" "I'm sorry, okay." "[dialing phone]" "[engine powering up]" "Uh, yeah." "Is this philippe?" "Yeah." "Philippe, this is jesse wallace." "Yeah." "No, well, listen, I'm" "I'm on one of those boats, right?" "Um, and we're gonna arrive at" "At henry four," "At port henry four." "You know what--?" "You know what that is?" "All right, great." "And you have my bags, right?" "Yeah, so we'll be there in..." "I don't know, it's the next stop." "Okay." "Au revoir." "Okay?" "Yeah, yeah." "Oh, wow." "Notre dame, man, check that out." "Oh, wow." "I heard this story once" "About when the germans were occupying paris," "And they had to retreat back." "They wired notre dame to blow," "But they had to" "They had to leave one guy" "In charge of hitting the switch." "And the guy, the soldier, he" "He couldn't do it." "You know, he just sat there knocked out" "By how beautiful the place was..." "And then when the allied troops came in," "They found all the explosives just lying there," "And the switch unturned." "And they found the same thing" "At the sacré-coeur, eiffel tower..." "A couple other places, I think." "Is that true?" "I don't know." "I always liked the story, though." "Yeah, that's a great story." "But you have to think" "That notre dame will be gone one day." "There used to be another church" "Or cathedral at the seine." "Right there." "What, right in the same spot?" "Yeah." "Hmm." "Yeah, this is great." "I've never done this." "Yeah." "I forget about how beautiful paris is." "This isn't so bad, being a tourist, huh?" "Thank you for getting me on the boat." "Oh, you're welcome." "You know, I think that book that I wrote," "In a way, was like building something" "So that I wouldn't forget" "The details of the time that we spent together." "You know, like, just as a reminder that..." "That once we really did meet." "You know, that this was real." "This happened." "I'm happy you're saying that, because" "I mean, I always feel like a freak" "Because I'm never able to move on like this:" "You know?" "People just have an affair" "Or even entire relationships." "They break up and they forget." "They move on like they would've changed brand of cereals." "I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with," "Because each person had their own..." "Specific qualities." "You can never replace anyone." "What is lost is lost." "Each relationship, when it ends really damages me." "I never fully recover." "That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because..." "It hurts too much." "Even getting laid." "[laughs] I actually don't do that because..." "I will miss of the person the most mundane things." "Like, I'm obsessed with little things." "Maybe I'm crazy, but..." "When I was a little girl," "My mom told me that I was always late to school." "One day she followed me to see why." "I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees," "Rolling on the sidewalk," "Or ants crossing the road," "The way a leaf cast a shadow on a tree trunk." "Little things." "I think it's the same with people." "I see in them little details," "So specific to each of them," "That move me, and that I miss" "And will always miss." "You can never replace anyone," "Because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details." "Like I remember the way" "Your beard has a bit of red in it," "And how the sun was making it glow that..." "That morning right before you left." "I remembered that, and I missed it." "Really crazy, right?" "All right, now I know for sure." "You wanna know why I wrote that stupid book?" "Why?" "So that you might" "Come to a reading in paris," "And I could walk up to you and ask," ""where the fuck were you?"" "[chuckles]" "No, you think I'd be here today?" "I'm serious." "I think I..." "I wrote it in a way to try to find you." "Okay, that's-- I know that's not true," "But that's sweet of you to say." "Well, I think it is true." "What do you think the chances were" "Of us ever meeting again?" "After that December, I'd say almost zero." "But we're not real anyway, right?" "We're just characters in that old lady's dream." "She's on her deathbed fantasizing about her youth," "So of course we had to meet again." "[groans] oh, god." "Why weren't you there in vienna?" "I told you why." "Yeah, I know why, I just..." "I wish you would have been." "Our lives might have been so much different." "[quietly] you know?" "Do you think so?" "I actually do." "Maybe not." "Maybe we would have hated each other eventually." "Oh, what, like we hate each other now?" "You know, maybe we're..." "We're only good at brief encounters" "Walking around in european cities," "In warm climate." "[chuckles]" "Oh, god." "Why didn't we exchange phone numbers and stuff?" "Why didn't we do that?" "Because we were young and stupid." "Do you think we still are?" "I guess when you're young, you just believe" "There will be many people with whom you'll connect with," "And later in life, you realize it only happens a few times." "Yeah, and you can screw it up." "You know, misconnect." "Well, the past is the past." "It was meant to be that way." "What, you really believe that," "That everything's fated?" "Well..." "You know," "The world might be less free than we think." "Yeah?" "Yeah, when given these exact circumstances," "That's what will happen every time." "Two part hydrogen, one part oxygen," "You'll get water every time." "No, no, no." "I mean," "What if your grandmother had lived a week longer, you know," "Or passed away a week earlier, days, even, you know?" "Things might've been different." "I believe that." "No, you can't think like that, it's" "No." "I mean, I know you shouldn't on most things, but..." "It's just it..." "On this one, it seemed like something was off, you know?" "I mean..." "In the months leading up to my wedding, okay," "I was thinking abo." "I mean, even on my way there," "I'm in the car," "And a buddy of mine is driving me downtown," "And I'm staring out the window." "And I think I see you" "Not far from the church, right," "Folding up an umbrella and walking into a deli" "On the corner of 13th and broadway..." "And I thought I was going crazy, you know," "But now I think it probably was you." "I lived on 11th and broadway." "[softly] you see?" "[inhales]" "So..." "What is it like to be married?" "You haven't talked much about that." "I haven't?" "How weird." "I don't know." "We met..." "You know, when I was in college." "And, uh, we broke up," "And got back together for a period of years," "And then, um..." "What, we were sort of back together," "And she was pregnant..." "So marriage." "What is she like?" "She's a great teacher, a good mom." "Uh, she's smart, pretty, you know?" "I remember thinking at the time" "That..." "So many of the men that I admired most, you know," "That their lives were..." "Were dedicated to something greater than themselves." "So you got married" "Because men you admired were married?" "No, no, no." "It..." "It's more like I had this idea of my best self, you know," "And I wanted to pursue that," "Even if it might've been overriding my honest self." "Do you know what I'm saying?" "I mean, it's funny, like," "In the moment I remember thinking" "That it didn't much matter the who of it all." "I mean, that nobody is gonna be everything to you," "And that ultimately" "It's just the simple action of committing yourself, you know," "Meeting your responsibilities, that matters." "I mean, what is love, right," "If it's not respect, trust, admiration?" "And I" " I felt all those things." "So cut to the present tense," "And I feel like I'm running a small nursery" "With somebody I used to da, you know?" "I mean, I'm like a monk, you know?" "I mean, I've had sex less than... 10 times in the last four years." "[laughs]" "What?" "What, what?" "You laughing at me?" "No." "It sounds pathetic?" "What monastery do the monk have sex 10 times?" "Okay, you're right." "[laughs]" "I'm doing better than most monks, all right." "But I do." "I feel like if somebody were to touch me," "You know, I would dissolve into molecules." "Well, we're here." "We've gotta go." "Come on." "Shit." "[speaking french]" "Bonsoir." "Bonsoir." "Bonsoir." "Oh, sacré-coeur." "I'm sorry to hear that, what?" "You know, you're not that happy with your marriage." "Well, this friend of mine, she's a shrink and" "Yeah, how's she doing?" "She's a mess, but-- [both laugh]" "No, she was telling me" "That she's been dealing with a lot of couples" "That are breaking up for the same exact reason." "Mmm, what reason is that?" "Well, all those couples expected" "After a few years of living together" "For the passion, that consuming desire, to be the same" "Than in the beginning." "Yeah, right." "It's impossible." "No, I know that." "And thank god!" "Otherwise we would end up with aneurysms if we were" "In that constant state of excitement, right?" "We would end up doing nothing at all with our lives." "Do you think you would have finished your book" "If you were fucking someone every five minutes?" "I might have welcomed the challenge." "No..." "[both laugh]" "But, you know, it's natural for your wife" "After the birth of your son." "No." "She has to giveall her love" "To the little one." "Of course." "Imagine if she was totally obsessed with sex," "Riding you like a wild cat." "That wouldn't make any sense, right?" "No, no." "It wo" "Everything you're saying makes sense." "It's-- it's not about sex." "No, I know." "It's obvious." "I, um..." "You know, couples are so confused lately." "I think it must be that..." "Men need to feel essential, and they don't anymore." "Because it's been imprinted in their head" "For so many years" "That they have to be the provider." "Like, I" " I'm a strong, independent woman" "In my professional life." "Really?" "I don't need a man to feed me," "But I still need a man to love me" "And that I could love, you know?" "So, uh..." "Your driver's here." "Yeah." "Well, I guess this is goodbye." "You better give me your" "No, why don't we just give you a ride home," "Wherever you're going, huh?" "Well, I can take the métro." "I'm fine." "No, no, no, no, no." "My flight's not until 10:00, right?" "They've got me arriving two hours early." "It's not really-- this way we can keep talking." "No, no." "Monsieur?" "It's not really on the way." "Can...?" "[speaks french]" "Oui." "[speaks french] [both speaking french]" "So you told him where you are, and all that jazz?" "Yeah." "[celine speaks french] [engine starts]" "So he knows where he's going?" "Yes." "Glad somebody does." "[chuckles]" "No, but this is better than the métro, right?" "Definitely." "I was thinking, for me it's better" "I don't romanticize things as much anymore." "I was suffering so much all the time." "I still have lots of dreams," "But they're not in regard to my love life." "It doe't make me sad." "It's just the way it is." "Is that why you're in a relationship" "With somebody who's never around?" "[chuckles]" "Yes, obviously I can't deal" "With the day-to-day life of a relationship." "Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together," "And then he leaves, and I miss him," "But at least I'm not dying inside." "When someone is always around me," "I'm, like, suffocating." "No, wait." "You just said that you need to love and be loved." "Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous." "[laughs] it's a disaster." "I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own." "Even being alone, it's better than..." "Sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely." "It's not so easy for me" "To be a romantic." "You start off that way," "And after you've been screwed over a few times," "You-- you forget about all your delusional ideas," "And you just take what comes into your life." "That's not even true." "I haven't been screwed over." "I've just had too many "blah" relationship." "They weren't mean." "They cared for me," "But there were no real connection or excitement." "At least, not from my side." "God, I'm sorry." "Is it--?" "Is it really that bad?" "It's not, right?" "You know..." "It's not even that." "I was" " I was fine..." "Until I read your fucking book." "It stirred shit up, you know?" "It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was," "How I had so much hope in things," "And now it's like..." "I don't believe in anything that relates to love." "I don't feel things for people anymore." "In a way..." "I put all my romanticism into that one night," "And I was never able" "To feel all this again." "Hey." "Like, somehow this night took things away from me," "And I exprsed them to you, and you took them with you." "It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me." "No, no." "I don't believe that." "[sighs] I don't believe that." "You know what?" "Reality and love are almost contradictory for me." "It's funny." "Every single of my exes, they're now married." "Men go out with me, we break up," "And then they get married, [chuckles]" "And later they call me to thank me" "For teaching them what love is, oh, god..." "And that I taught them to care and respect women." "Yeah." "I think I'm one of those guys." "You know, I want to kill them!" "Why didn't they ask me to marry them?" "I would have said no, but at least they could've asked." "But it's my fault." "I know it's my fault" "Because I never felt it was the right man," "Never!" "But what does it mean," "The right man, the love of your life?" "The concept is absurd." "The idea that we can only be complete with another person" "Is evil, right?" "Can I talk?" "You know..." "I guess I've been heartbroken" "Too many times, and then I recovered." "So now, you know, from the starts," "I make no effort, because I know" "It's not gonna work out." "You can't." "You can't do that." "You can't live your life trying to avoid pain" "At the expense-- okay, you know what?" "Those are words." "I've gotta get away from you." "Stop the car." "I wanna get out." "No, don't-- no, it's" "Don't get out." "You know what?" "Keep talking." "It's being around you." "No, don't touch me." "Okay." "I wanna get a cab." "[speaks french] monsieur, monsieur..." "No, no, no." "Just-- don't-- keep going." "Keep-- hey, no, listen." "I'm just so happy-- [sighs]" "Thank you, just keep going." "All right." "[sighs]" "Look, I am just so happy, all right, to be with you." "I am." "I'm so glad you didn't forget about me." "Okay?" "No, I didn't," "And it pisses me off, okay?" "You come here to paris, all romantic and married, okay?" "Screw you." "Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying" "To get you or anything." "I mean, all I need is a married man..." "And there's been so much water under the bridge," "It's not even about you anymore." "It's about that time, that moment in time," "That is forever gone." "I don't know." "You say all that," "But you didn't even remember having sex." "So..." "Of course I remembered." "You did?" "Yes." "Women pretend things like that." "I don't know." "They do?" "Yeah, what was I supposed to say?" "That I remember the wine in the park," "And us looking up at the stars fading away" "As the sun came up?" "We had sex twice, you idiot!" "[chuckles] [chuckles]" "All right." "You know what?" "I'm just happy to see you." "Even if you've become" "An angry, manic-depressive activist, I still like you." "[giggles] I still enjoy being around you." "And I feel the same." "I'm sorry." "I don't know what happened." "I just..." "I had to let it all out." "Ah, don't worry about it." "I'm so miserable in my love life, [exhales] in my relationship." "I always act as, like, you know, I'm detached," "But I'm dying inside." "I'm dying because I'm so numb." "I don't feel pain or excitement." "I'm not even bitter." "I'm just..." "You think you're the one dying inside?" "My life is 24/7 bad." "[giggles]" "I'm sorry." "No, no." "I mean, the only happiness I get" "Is when I'm out with my son." "I've been to marriage counseling." "I've done things" "I never thought I would have to do." "I've lit candles, bought self-help books," "Lingerie..." "Did the candles help?" "Hell, no, all right?" "I don't love her the way she needs to be loved," "And I don't even see a future for us." "But then I look at my little boy..." "Sitting at the table across from me," "And I think I would suffer any torture to be with him" "For all the minutes of his life, you know?" "Don't want to miss out on one." "But then, th-there's no joy" "Or laughter in my home, you know?" "And I don't want him growing up in that." "Ah, no laughter." "That's terrible." "My parents have been together for 35 years," "And even when they have a bad fight," "They end up laughing like crazy." "Yeah, I just" " I don't want to be one of those people" "Who are getting divorced at 52," "And falling down into tears," "Admitting that they never really loved their spouse," "And they feel their life has been..." "Sucked up into a vacuum cleaner." "You know, I want a great life." "I want her to have a great life." "She deserves that, all right." "But we're just living in the pretense of a marriage," "Responsibility, you know?" "All these, just..." "Ideas of how people are supposed to live..." "But then I..." "I have these dreams." "What dreams?" "I have these dreams, you know, that, um..." "I'm standing on a platform..." "And, uh..." "What?" "You keep going by on a train." "And..." "You go by, and you go by," "And you go by, you go by." "And I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know." "And then I have this other dream..." "Ohhhh, where you're pregnant in bed beside me naked." "And I want so badly to touch you," "But you tell me not to." "And then you look away, and" "And I" "I touch you anyway..." "Right on your ankle, and your skin is so soft" "That I wake up in sobs, all right, [sighs] and my wife is sitting there" "Looking at me," "And I feel like I'm a million miles from her." "And I know that there's something wrong," "You know, that I-- [groans]" "God, that I can't keep living like this, that there's gotta be" "Something more to love than commitment." "But then I think that I might've given up" "On the whole idea of romantic love" "That I" " I might have put it to bed that..." "That day when you weren't there." "You know, I think I might've done that." "Why are you telling me all this?" "I'm sorry." "I don't know." "I" " I shouldn't have." "I shouldn't have." "You know, it's so weird." "People think" "They are the only ones" "Going through tough times." "I mean, when I read the article," "I thought your life was perfect." "[both chuckle]" "A wife, a kid, published author." "[laughs]" "But your personal life is more of a mess than mine." "Mmmm..." "I'm sorry." "Well, I'm glad it's good for something." "[speaks french]" "This is-- this is where you live?" "Yeah." "So are you just relieved" "That I'm in even more deep shit than you are?" "Yes." "You've made me feel better." "Oh, good." "I'm glad." "[laughs]" "No, I really wish you the best." "[sighs]" "It's not because I'm incapable of having" "A good relationship or a family" "That I wish everyone to be doomed like me." "I'm sure you make-- be a great mom someday." "Really, you think so?" "Oh, yeah, a few anti-depressants," "You know, you'll do great." "[laughs] oh, no." "No." "Okay, say stop." "Oh, stop." "Oh!" "Hey!" "Okay." "You ready?" "Okay." "Yes." "[sighs]" "So..." "I want to try something." "What?" "I want to see if you stay together," "Or if you dissolve into molecules." "How am I doing?" "Still here." "Good." "I like being here." "Is this your apartment?" "Oh, no, I live down there." "Down there?" "Yeah." "Uh, hey, monsieur." "I'm gonna walk her to her door." "Okay." "[speaks french]" "This is incredible." "This is where you live?" "Yeah." "How long have you been here?" "Four years." "Wow." "So tell me..." "What?" "Is it all true about your dreams," "Or did you just say that" "To hopefully get in my pants?" "Oh, I just said that to get in your pants." "I use that all the time." "Oh, okay." "Does it work?" "Ah, you know, sometimes." "Here's my kitty." "Oh, so cute!" "Look at him." "You know what I love about this cat" "Is that every morning" "I bring him down to the courtyard," "And every single morning" "He looks at everything like it was the first time:" "Every corner, every tree," "Every plant." "Smells everything with his little cute nose." "[chuckles] oh, I love my kitty." "I love my kitty." "Shoo, shoo." "What's his name?" "Che." "Che?" "Hmmm." "Uh-huh." "What?" "Commie." "[both laugh]" "No, "che" in argentina means "hey."" "Okay." "Yes." "Oh, baby." "Oh, yes, yes, yes." "[speaks french]" "We're having a little party." "It's so much fun." "[speaks french] [speaks french]" "Man:" "salut." "Uh, salut." "So..." "So... [speaks french]" "[speaks french]" "[both speaking french] [laughs]" "You know what?" "I..." "I was thinking," "Would you play me one of your songs?" "You're gonna miss your flight." "I won't." "I won't." "I'm gonna be sitting" "In the airport for over an hour," "Reading the newspaper, all right?" "Wishing you'd played me one of your songs." "One song?" "Yeah." "Okay, but quickly." "Okay." "God, I love these old staircases." "[meows] [chuckles]" "Hold this." "What, for me?" "[laughs]" "Jeez." "Hey there, buddy." "Che." "Whoa." "[laughs]" "Would you like some tea?" "Yeah, sure." "Wow." "Is chamomile okay?" "Yeah, great." "Merci." ""messy?"" "You think my apartment is messy?" "No, no." "No, no, no." "M-- merci, merci beaucoup." "Ah, "merci."" "I meant to tell you," "Your french has improved a lot." "Really?" "Yeah." "Yeah, you've really mastered the language." "[both laugh]" "All right." "All right." "What song are you gonna play me, huh?" "No, I can't." "It's too embarrassing." "It's been" "Whoa." "No way, no way." "I came all the way up here." "You cannot crap out on me now." "One song." "Anything will be great." "No, but listen, you're gonna laugh at me." "You think so?" "Yes." "I doubt it." "Okay." "What do you want to hear?" "I have, um..." "I have three songs in english." "One's about my cat," "One's about..." "My ex-boyfriend" "Well, ex-ex boyfriend." "And there's one about, um..." "Well, it's just a..." "Little waltz." "A waltz?" "Yeah." "Play the waltz." "I haven't played it in a while." "You sure?" "[sighs]" "Okay." "[sighs] all right, the waltz." "[plays playful, melancholy melody]" "♪ let me sing you a waltz ♪" "♪ out of nowhere out of my thoughts ♪" "♪ let me sing you a waltz ♪" "♪ about this one-night stand ♪" "♪ you were for me that night ♪" "♪ everything I always dreamt of in life ♪" "♪ but now you're gone ♪" "♪ you are far gone ♪" "♪ all the way to your island of rain ♪" "♪ it was for you just a one-night thing ♪" "♪ but you were much more to me just so you know ♪" "♪ I don't care what they say ♪" "♪ I know what you meant for me that day ♪" "♪ I just want another try ♪" "♪ I just want another night ♪" "♪ even if it doesn't seem quite right ♪" "♪ you meant for me much more ♪" "♪ than anyone I've met before ♪" "♪ one single night with you little... ♪ [inhales]" "♪ jesse ♪ [chuckles]" "♪ is worth a thousand with anybody ♪" "♪ I have no bitterness my sweet ♪" "♪ I'll never forget this one-night thing ♪" "♪ even tomorrow in other arms ♪" "♪ my heart will stay yours until I die ♪" "♪ let me sing you a waltz ♪" "♪ out of nowhere ♪" "♪ out of my blues ♪" "♪ let me sing you a waltz ♪" "♪ about this lovely one-night stand ♪" "[inhales] [claps hands] [sighs]" "No, one more." "One more." "Please." "Please, please." "Come on." "No!" "No, it was our deal." "Please." "One, one song." "Pl" "No, no, no, no, no." "You can have your tea, and then... [groans]" "All right, let me-- let me ask you one question." "What?" "Do you just plug that name in" "For every guy that comes up here?" "Oh, yes, of course." "What do you think, that I wrote the song about you?" "Are you nuts?" "[laughs]" "Oh, is this you?" "Little cross-eyed celine?" "Yes." "Cute." "It's funny." "[chuckles]" "Is that your grandmother?" "Yeah." "Oh, wow." "You want some honey?" "Yeah, sure." "[whirrs, clicks]" "[audience clapping]" "Woman: whoo!" "[nina simone's "just in time" playing]" "♪ just in time ♪" "♪ you've found me just in time ♪" "Did you ever see nina simone in concert?" "No, I never did." "I can't believe she's gone." "I know." "It's so sad." "Thanks." "It's hot." "♪ I was so lost ♪" "♪ the losing dice were tossed ♪" "I saw her twice in concert." "She was so great." "That's one of my favorite songs of hers." "[hums along] ♪ now, you hear ♪ [singing along] ♪ now I know where I'm going ♪" "♪ no more doubt or fear ♪" "♪ found my way... ♪" "♪ klick klick klick ♪ [laughs]" "She was so great." "She was so funny in concert." "She would, uh..." "She would be right in the middle of a song," "And then you know, stop... [music continues, audience claps] ...And walk from the piano" "All the way to the edge of the stage," "Like, really slowly." "Mm." "Then she'd start talking to someone in the audience." "[sensually] "oh, yeah, baby." ""oh, yeah." ""mm-hmm." ""ooh." "I love you too."" "[laughs]" "And then she'd walk back..." "Took her time, no hurry, you know?" "She had that..." "Big, cute ass." "[laughs]" "She would move." "Whoo!" "[both laugh]" "And then she would, uh," "Go back to the piano and play some more." "And then she would, I don't know," "Just start another song in the middle of another." "You know, like, stop again," "And..." "Be like," ""you over there, can you move that fan?" ""uh-huh." ""ooh." "You're cute." "Mm?" "Mmmmm."" "[both laugh]" ""oh." "Ooh, yeah." "Mm-hmm."" "[giggles]" "Baby..." "You are gonna miss that plane." "I know." "[music continues]" "♪ juuuuuust ♪" "♪ in time ♪" "♪ you've found me ♪" "♪ before you came ♪" "♪ my time was running low ♪" "♪ I was lost ♪" "♪ the losing dice were tossed ♪" "♪ my bridges all were crossed ♪" "♪ nowhere to go ♪" "♪ nowhere to go ♪" "♪ now, you hear ♪" "♪ and I know where I'm going ♪" "♪ no more doubt no more fear ♪" "♪ I've found my way ♪" "♪ so let's live today any..." "Anyway ♪" "♪ changed me ♪" "♪ changed me ♪" "♪ changed me ♪" "♪ once again ♪" "♪ and changed my lonely nights ♪" "♪ that lucky day ♪" "[julie delpy's "je t'aime tant" playing]" "[singing in french]"