"Mm." "Mm, mm, mm." "Oh, does Jacques' have a new chef?" "What is this?" "It is an Eggo" "Fancy" "Would you mind if I put a little syrup on it?" "I would not; we are not that kind of establishment" "Mm." "Mm, mm, mm." "Mm." "Mm, mm, mm." "Mm!" "Mm!" "It's nice to not have anything in your head, isn't it?" "Join us." "We're livin' out loud" "Okay" "Mm!" "Mm, mm, mm." "Hey, guys" "Hey, Grace" "Hey." "You know, if you want some breakfast, I'd order now 'cause in about a half an hour the lunch menu kicks in" "It is Hot Pockets" "Hmm...." "I'm gonna wait for the Pocket" "Just a reminder tomorrow's my birthday" "Just another reminder, my husband abandoned me to help the needy so the presents need to be bigger and better" "I got you something great You want a hint?" "No!" "You know I have to be surprised" "Remember two years ago how upset I got when you left your present out for me to find?" ""Left it out"?" "!" "It was hidden in a storage locker in Queens" "That I rented under an assumed name" "You bit through a combination lock" "Just make sure it doesn't happen again" "Oh, poor Grace Alone on her birthday" "Yeah, poor Grace" "Know why I'm laughing?" "'Cause you're single?" "No." "I've arranged to have Leo come back early to surprise her for her birthday" "Huh?" "What?" "Peas and carrots, peas and carrots?" "What?" "Huh?" "Hubub, hubub?" "Well, how'd you do that, Willona?" "It was actually easy" "I chartered a camel from Mombasa to take Leo to a landing strip in Malindi where a gypsy helicopter will fly him to Nairobi" "And from there, it's just a short, 32-hour flight with about 15 layovers" "I could have flown him direct but it's like a hundred dollars more" "I know." "Good, right?" "No" " I was laughing 'cause-- you know, you're single" "Surprise!" "Ohh!" "Ahh!" "Aah!" "I just broke my favorite bookmark" "Wh--where is everybody?" "And why are you nude?" "What are you doing here?" "You're not supposed to be back till Sunday" "It is Sunday" "It's Saturday" "It can't be." "I left on Saturday and I've been on ten planes and a bus, and what I'm still convinced was an anti-semitic camel" "Guess that's why they wouldn't give you the kosher meal" "You know, the flights were no picnic either I had to sit through Lilo and Stitch 17 times" "Not that I don't appreciate everything you did to get me here but did you know that for only about $100 more, I could have flown direct?" "Oh, you're kidding!" "Wow." "That, uh..." "Will, that robe needs pants" "Hey." "Lotta men wear shorty robes James Caan wears a shorty robe" "Look, if there's no party tonight I'm just gonna head home" "You know, I'm exhausted, they lost my luggage and five minutes into the flight the stewardess spills a tray of orange juice all over me" "By the time we flew over London bees had built a hive on my lap" "No, no, no." "No, you can't go home You'll ruin the surprise" "You gotta stay here tonight" "Look, you can crash in my bedroom and tomorrow you can help me with the party" "How are you with a pastry bag and rosette tips?" "I never tried 'em, but why don't we hold each other for awhile and we'll see how we feel after that?" "Hey" "What are you doing here?" "It's my birthday eve I'm alone." "I'm staying over" "No, you can't!" "You--you gotta get out of here!" "Why do I have to-- Wait a minute" "You want me out?" "Oh--you're in a robe" "Oh--I smell orange juice" "Oh--I have no idea what's going on" "All right, look, the gig is up" "You want your birthday present?" "'Cause I might as well just give it to you now" "No, tomorrow It has to be on my real birthday" "Well, then, you better get outta here because it's on its way up here" "No, no, wait." "I don't wanna see it" "Well, then, you better get out!" "Oh!" "Not the elevator!" "It might be in the elevator Use the stairs" "Okay, but first thing tomorrow morning I'm coming over" "Good, fine, go" "Okay." "Oh" "Leave it, leave it, leave it!" "Hellooo?" "I need you and Karen to keep Grace busy all day tomorrow" "I can't, I have plans" "I just hooked up with the cute ugly guy from the Kiehl's counter at Barney's" "Does he have any of that pineapple papaya facial scrub?" "Because everybody's out of it" "Thank you" "Leo got back a day early and I don't want them running into each other 'cause it'll ruin the surprise" "No problem." "I'd be happy to help" "Hey, why the long robe?" "Come on, get up it's my birthday!" "Happy birthday, honey!" "Thank you" "Okay." "Here we are, honey" "Surprise!" "Whee!" "An arcade?" "!" "All this just to bring me to an arcade a block from my apartment?" "Why did you have to cover my head?" "'Cause your hair's a disaster" "Ugh..." "I fell asleep in my clothes" "You'd think after two days this orange juice would have dried" "Oh, you got a message from..." "Air-Picture-of-a-Gazelle" "They still haven't found your luggage" "Yeah, I knew I was in trouble when my boarding pass was a coconut" "I gotta get some stuff for the party" "I still can't find a decent vegetable glycerin soap for the guest bathroom" "It makes me insane" "Anyway, help yourself to whatever's in the fridge" "Unless it's marked "party. " Or "Will's."" "Oh, and when you wipe down the counter top, use water only" "You know what polished concrete's like" "I can't believe you haven't found a man" "I know" "Oh..." "And if you want a little entertainment while I'm gone, I just got Xanadu on DVD" "That finally came out on DVD?" "I guess all my letter writing paid off" "Yeah" "You know, there's an extra ten minutes of roller ballet?" "That's great, you know, 'cause the first time I saw it the roller ballet felt short" "I know." "Okay, don't answer the phone and stay put" "Don't answer the phone and stay put Okay, I got it." "Have fun" "Psst" " Like Xanadu?" "Who doesn't?" "Here you go" "Hmmm." "Ten extra minutes of roller ballet" "Excellent" "What's better than a Vanilla Coke and a jalape?" "chili dog on your birthday?" "A breath mint?" "Hey, guys" "Look what I got from my skee ball tickets It's a monkey on a trapeze" "I'm tired of it" "Okay." "Come on." "I wanna go on the Dance Dance Revolution machine" "You can't, Grace Somebody's on it" "Oh, let me take care of this I'm good with kids" "Hey." "Puberty Step off!" "No way" "Okay." "Well, wouldn't it be more fun to play with my "make your own fake I.D." kit?" "Cool!" "Ohh..." "Come on, Grace You're up" "Remember, just follow the arrows and try to keep up with the beat" "Okay, honey, shake your booty Shake your groove thang." "Shake your" "Do those move?" "Not only do they move, they" "They don't move" "Okay, hit it" "Oh, please" "This is easy" "Ooh, okay Here we go" "Crap!" "Crap!" "Crap!" "Son of a bitch!" "Now I have to pee!" "Come on, Jackie Why don't you give it a try?" "I don't know, Karen I'm not much of a dancer" "Scary bathroom, scary bathroom Gotta find a clean one" "Gotta pee!" "Gotta pee!" "Gotta pee!" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Who left the seat up?" "Sorry." "That was me" "That's all right" "I forgot how good that was" "Mm-hmm." "If it weren't for my three wives in Africa, I would have forgotten, too" "Don't give me that face You're still my favorite" "You're an ass I missed you" "Me, too" "You got anything to eat?" "I'm starving" "All Will had in his fridge was a soothing eye mask." "I only got half of it down" "When were you at Will's?" "I wasn't" "But you just said that you were" "No, I didn't." "Crap." "Will flew me in to surprise you for your birthday" "But I got here early, so he's been hiding me in his apartment so I wouldn't ruin the surprise" "Oh, my God, that's unbelievable" "Wait, does that mean there's not gonna be a real gift?" "I feel bad I wrecked it, you know?" "The poor guy went to so much trouble" "I'm not gonna go into the details but it involved a VW bus, a leaky canoe, and a very awkward breakfast with Desmond Tutu" "Poor thing" "I know." "He didn't win the Nobel Prize for chewing with his mouth closed" "No." "I mean, poor Will" "He did all of that just to surprise me 'cause he knows just how much I love surprises" "We can't ruin this for him" "Well, surprise!" "It's ruined!" "Not necessarily" "I mean, I know But he doesn't know that I know" "So if you go back to Will's and pretend that you never saw me then he'll never have to know that I knew" "No." "No, "knew"." "No!" "I'm not going back there" "There's shorty robes and Xanadu and coffee mugs that have to go in the exact same place every time!" "Come on." "He did this for me Do this for him" "Now, is there anything different about you from when you left Will's apartment?" "I got the orange juice out of my clothes" "Aaahh!" "Hey!" "I hope you don't mind I borrowed your shorty robe" "Or, as the guy in the laundry room called it, my penis ruffle" "You went to the laundry room?" "!" "I told you to stay in the apartment!" "What if Grace had seen you?" "What if Grace had been in the laundry room?" "She wouldn't be doing laundry but there is a candy machine down there" "Get out here;" "I wanna go over the plan with you" "Ah, yes." "The plan You had it laminated..." "You say that like it's a weird thing" "Okay, 6:00, you go over to Jack's and wait there 6:15, everyone will arrive, fun, fun, fun chit-chat, presents." "Then 7:30, you wait in the hallway," "I'll open the door, you jump in and yell "surprise!"" "Damn it, the coffee cups go up here!" "Do I have to draw you a diagram again?" "If you are gonna be a guest in this apar" "I saw her, okay?" "There's no surprise" "What?" "I--I" " After you left I went to our apartment and Grace saw me" "You wh--?" "Why?" "I needed something to wear" "I gave you my clothes" "Please." "Your clothes are too tight on you" "Great." "This is the worst thing that's ever happened!" "Hey, I just came from Africa" "Do you have any idea how many people there are suffering from ruined surprise parties?" "Wait a minute" "If Grace knows, why did she send you back here?" "Because she was so touched by what you did she asked me to play along so I wouldn't spoil the surprise" "Aww..." "This is supposed to be her surprise but she's more concerned about my joy at seeing her surprised than her own joy at being surprised?" "Dude, I don't know I'm just happy to have a dry crotch" "Wait, wait... we gotta proceed with this plan You can't tell her I know" "It's over, Will." "She knows." "Yeah, she knows, and I know but she doesn't know that I know she knows." "It can still work" "Ahh!" "All must be as it was" "Oh, my God..." "This game is amazing!" "Honey, look, I'm winning, I'm winning!" "Karen, that's a change machine" "I don't care what you call it Where do we cash in these buttons?" "Hey, guys" "Where have you been?" "You were gone so long we had to eat your funnel cake" "Wait a minute." "We're not the only ones eating your funnel cake." "You had sex" "Come on, give it up Who was it?" "I ran into Leo" "But you can't tell Will I found out" "I mean, I know But he doesn't know I know" "And now that you know I know you can't let Will know that you know I know, you know?" "No..." "Do you know?" "I think I know But I'm sure I don't care" "Okay, you fill him in I need to go pee again" "Oddly, the bathroom here is cleaner than the one at home" "Poor Grace." "Her surprise is ruined." "Right?" "We should help her, Jackie It's her birthday." "She deserves a real surprise" "Now put your thinking cap on" "What would be a bigger surprise than Leo showing up?" "Blanket Michael Jackson I've got it!" "Leo not showing up" "Ah!" "Karen, it's beautiful Thank you" "You're welcome, honey Happy birthday" "Oh, and..." "See this one right here?" "It's pure cyanide" "So if you're ever in a jam just bite down hard." "Wear it in good health" "Now, now me, me, open mine" "Thanks, Jack" "I wouldn't get too excited It's probably just another one of his headshots" "It's not a headshot Okay, it's a headshot" "Oh, and look." "An updated rejume on the back" "Ooh, 7:30." "Time for my present And it's a big one" "Now, let me see..." "That's funny" "Could have sworn I brought it in here" "Maybe it's in the hallway" "What kind of present would be in the hallway, I wonder?" "What do you think it is?" "I hope it's another party 'cause this one's a snooze" "Happy" "Oh, my" "Where is he?" "Yeah, where the hell is he?" "Wait a minute, what do you mean, "he"?" "Leo" "You knew he was coming?" "Of course I knew Didn't you know I knew?" "Yeah, I knew you knew, but I didn't want you to know I knew you knew" "That I did not know" "I just kept up this whole charade 'cause I wanted you to have a good surprise on your birthday" "I only did it so that you would have the fun of surprising me" "Aww..." "Happy birthday" "Thank you, sweetie So where's my husband?" "Surprise!" "He's not coming!" "Man, we got you!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Okay, come on." "Come on seriously, where is he?" "We're not sure." "No." "Once we drove him out of town and dumped him in a ditch it's anybody's guess" "What were you thinking?" "!" "You threw him out of a car?" "!" "Hey, calm down" "We just thought that it was so sweet that you wanted to surprise Grace and that she wanted to let you surprise her and, well, we just wanted you both to get what you wanted" "Aww..." "Wait..." "Does any of this look familiar?" "Yes, I remember passing this orchard" "Oh, there he is!" "Holding up all those apples" "Oh!" "That's an apple tree, brainiac" "Wait." "I smell orange juice Pull over." "Pull over!" "Why, look, it's Leo" "But I thought he was in Africa" "Surprise!" "Oh, my god, I had no idea!" "This is the best birthday ever!" "Who wants cake?" "No, no cake, please I've been stuck out in the cold for two hours" "I'm freezing, I'm covered in mud a weirdly-aggressive deer just tried to mate with me" "Oh, now I know where we are" "There is no surprise, okay?" "We all know it." "He knows she knows, and they know we know, and you know he knows she knows and she knows they know and now everybody knows" "I know, so just stop pretending!" "Ah, screw it"