"Previously, on The West Wing:" "You never want people to see how you make laws or sausages." " I'm voting no." " It's all we could get now." "You didn't work hard enough." "You have to let me protect you and the president." "The president doesn't hold grudges." "He pays me to." "There's no one in the world I don't hate." "Your mom was killed with a.38 revolver." "We haven't had success yet having those weapons banned." " You want to help us?" " Yes, sir." "Oh, man, I'm sorry." "Oh, yeah!" " That's how you do it." " Game point." " You look winded." " I'm fine." " You want to sit out?" " Why would I do that?" "People will be mad if we kill you." " Game point, let's go." " Sir..." " I'm playing." " There's no shame in quitting." "Just admit I'm a better athlete and slink away." " Take it out." " You're playing?" " Take the ball out!" " This is a perfect metaphor." "After you're gone, and poets write "The Legend of Josiah Bartlet" let them make you a tragic figure." ""He had the tools for greatness but his better angels were silenced by his obsessive need to win. "" " You wanna play or write my eulogy?" " Honestly?" "Mr. Grant?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." " Who's this?" " I'm making a substitution." " Grant's a new member of my team." " A ringer." "Mr. Grant is a federal employee." "It's not that you cheat, it's how bad you are at it." " I beg your pardon." " Toby's got a point." "When did I cheat?" "You told us your tennis partner worked at the American Consulate." " She did!" " It was Steffi Graf!" "I admit that she bore a resemblance..." "You think I won't recognize Steffi Graf when she's serving at me?" "She's won championships, we've seen her photograph." "Be that as it may, Toby, Josh, Charlie let me introduce Mr. Rodney Grant from the President's Council on Physical Fitness." "Game point, let's go!" "Whoa, not so fast." "Your name sounds familiar." "Before you joined up the Council on Physical Fitness which the president would do well to avail himself of is it possible you played organized ball?" "I used to play a little." " And where was that?" " I'm sorry?" " Where would that be?" " Duke." " This guy was in the Final Four!" " Game point, let's go!" "I'm taking you to the hole." "You got it!" "Let the poets write about that, Byron." "Charlie, guard the new guy." " We have a staff meeting." " I'm going." " I'm just telling you." " You see that's where I'm going." " Isn't it adorable?" " That you seek to control me?" "Love it." " Donald hasn't called." " Who?" "Donald." "From the thing." "Can we be clear about my interest in the local Gomers that you see in the free time you create by not working?" " Excuse me?" " You work very hard." " And I am?" " Not controlling." " You have a meeting." " Okay." " There's another thing." " What?" "Hang on, here it is." "Leo wants you to meet Lacey from the NSC in his office." " Thanks." " What is it?" "This is the White House, so it's probably not important." "I want you to read this article." " What's it about?" " Smallpox." " The disease?" " No, the dessert." "Yes, the disease!" " We do it every month." " We missed a few." "We try to do it the first of every month." "Twice in 12 months." " We're behind." " Behind on what?" "It's People Who Want to Discuss Things That We Could Care Less About Day." "That sounds goofy." "It's not so bad." "Talk to them, give them a souvenir pen...." " This isn't a waste of time?" " Yes, but it's one of Leo's policies." " Why?" " Sadly, you're about to find out." "Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer, had a big block of cheese." "I am making a mental list of those who are snickering." "Even as I speak, I'm preparing appropriate retribution." "The block of cheese was huge, over 2 tons." "It was there for anyone who might be hungry." "Let's spend our time plotting against a country that can't defend itself." "Later." "Right now I'm talking about President Jackson." " You're talking about cheese." " Sam goes on my list." " What about Toby?" " I'm unpredictable." "The White House belongs to the people so Jackson invited those who wished an audience." "Then he made them eat 2 tons of cheese." " In that spirit..." " Mandy doesn't go on the list?" " Mandy's new." " So it's just me on the list?" "It is in the spirit of Andrew Jackson that I ask senior staff to meet with people who have a hard time getting our attention." "I know the more jaded among you see this as beneath you." "But listening to the voices of passion in Americans is beneath no one." "Surely not the people's servants." " Is it Total Crackpot Day again?" " Yes." "Note that Josh isn't on the list." " You have a thing right now." " Yeah." "Hand out those appointments." " What's up?" " That's for "Total Crackpot Day. "" "Second of all, this is Jonathan Lacey." "Good to meet you." "Mr. McGarry, would you mind?" " I know you're busy." " What can I do for you?" "Keep this card at all times." " If you lose it, you call us." " Who's "us"?" "I'm sorry, I thought you knew." "I'm with the NSC." "I meant, what's the card do?" "It says where to go during a nuclear attack." "You're kidding me." "We want you on Air Force One or in an underground bunker as quickly as possible." "Sure." "Well...." "Okay, I don't know what to say." "I guess that's it, then." " If you have questions, call me." " Sure." "My staff goes with me, or do they..." "Oh, sorry." "You know what, I just got it." "Okay." "I'll stick this right next to my video club membership and there's no reason my staff ever has to know about it." "The best thing to do is to forget about it." "I'll go now." "The rise in the Producer's Price Index coupled with the tight labor market have caused inflation concerns." "Are you worried?" "No, Helen." "Our economy is fundamentally..." "I wasn't Helen there." "I was Sandy King." "The Miami Herald?" " She moved to the Sun-Times." " That sounded like your Helen." " Are you concerned?" "Not at all." "Our economy remains fundamentally strong shown by the drop in unemployment." "It's a cause for satisfaction." "A solitary spike in the PPI is not cause for overreaction." "Also, there's been no increase in wholesale prices." "If you could see clear to not answer the question like a professor with a stick up his butt, that'd be good." "I am a professor with a stick up my butt, but I'll do my best." " That's it for the economy." " Guns." " We don't need to." " They'll ask about guns." "I know they'll ask, I'm saying I'm set." " A question or two." " Is it time for my scolding?" " Are we having this argument?" " Sir?" "Let's do guns, Sam." "Is there any reason to believe this weapons ban bill..." " ...will have any reduction in crime?" " Yes." "Next." "Mr. Zeigler, you have a follow-up?" "We're lucky to get the question and you blow it off?" " Yes." " With due respect, may I ask why?" " I'm weak-willed and stupid." " Let's do this later." " We talked." " I talked it over with other people." " Which people?" " I have lots of other people." "We are missing a huge opportunity." "What's going on?" " We're doing the thing." " Why aren't you in there?" " I was just going in." " How are Toby and the president?" " They are having a disagreement." " A disagreement or a fight?" " It certainly has the potential..." " For God's sake, Toby!" "There we go." "Let's go in." "Josh, let's go in." " Sir?" " I won't say the bill is worthless." "If we can just admit its weaknesses, why not?" "It'll anger the left, energize the right and the middle will feel played." "Sorry, did you want to answer?" "I'd have said, "Because I said so. "" "Why take a victory and declare defeat?" "Toby, by changing some words..." " The world moves on a few words." " Your point?" "I have many." "I choose not to make them now." "On behalf of everybody here, let me say that that's a relief." " Excuse me, Leo." " Yes?" "My cheese appointment is here..." " ...but the conference takes priority." " I agree." "No!" "You won't get out of it." " This is an important conference." " It's unimportant." " It's about our future." " It's about not having one lately." "Sam, go." " Mr. President?" " We're going too." " Sir?" " We'll pick this up this afternoon." "You're from United States Space Command." " Few know about us." " My first time." " We're a little nerdy, I'll admit." " You camouflage it well." " I'm used to that." " What can I do?" " In a nutshell?" " So to speak." "We'd like you to pay more attention to UFOs." " Are we paying any attention at all?" " No." "We have enough trouble with the first lady's Ouija board." "I'd like to show the president data on possible extraterrestrial contact." " I can't do that." " Why not?" "He'll either yell or laugh at me." "Either way is bad for me." "This morning, at 6:35 a.m air traffic control in Honolulu picked up a UFO flying east across the Pacific, towards California." "Navy jets have been in the area and have been unable to establish visual contact." "These things go unexplained." "Shouldn't you take this to the president?" " No." " Again, may I ask why not?" "There are levels in our Air Defense Command." "To jump from a radar officer to the president skips levels." " Like what?" " Like the Pentagon and therapy." " Okay, I can see that..." " No hard feelings but I can't ask the president to put down the budget surplus because of UFOs." "Something's heading east over the Pacific." "It's in and out of our radar, we can't see it." "It's up there right now." "I leave you with that." "I hope that you don't feel that you've wasted your time." "Here's a pen." "The president isn't wild about Posner's fundraiser but I think we can't pass." "Where are you on this?" "Don't worry about me, you have to worry about Toby." " That's why I'm shoring up support." " I'm in." "They sent pictures of the Malibu place." " The one from the primary?" " No, he bought another." "Where did Robert Benigni push me into the pool?" "That was Larry Posner's old place." " If it gets a vote, isn't it worth it?" " If Benigni could vote here." "Since he's Italian, I'm just a wet girl in a Donna Karan dress." "I'm the only one who isn't an economist." "But it seems to me the annual budget is found either in balance, in deficit, or in surplus." "I don't know how to tell Congress, much less 8th grade graduates that there's any in-between." "He's not talking about anything being off-budget." " Especially long-term capital outlays." " You lost me." "In 1991, the budget had a deficit of $22 billion." "But the national debt rose from 5.2 trillion to 5.4 trillion in the same year." "That's a debt increase of $188 billion against a $22 billion deficit." "This is good news." " You knew those numbers?" " He's freakish." " Zoey's coming for dinner." " She's in town?" "My daughter's starting Georgetown after the first." "We're done." "My staff is waiting and they haven't bothered me for a few hours." "I'm gonna make chili." "I'll make it for everybody." "My friends, my daughter, my beer and some chili!" "You're gonna be the one to cook?" "My daughter, Zoey, is down from Hanover." "I'm making chili." " The first lady..." " She's in Pakistan." "I eat what I want." " I need ingredients." " What?" " Chili." " Don't listen to him." "Mrs. Landingham wrote it down." "Give it to the steward." "And send everyone in." "Thank you, Charlie." "How could you remember that 10 years ago there was a $188 billion debt increase off a $22 billion deficit?" " God, I was right?" " That's what I thought." "Everyone, come in." "Listen up, everybody." "Zoey's down from Hanover, I'm making chili tonight." " Okay." " Great." "Chili." "Let's do this:" "Look down at the big seal in the middle of my carpet." "Now, everybody look back up at me." "Zoey's down from Hanover, and I'm making chili." " That's great!" " Terrific!" "See how benevolent I can be when everybody does what I say?" "Now, sit down." "I want this meeting to last three minutes." "I will allow it to last no more than five." "We're going to California soon." "Larry Posner wants a fundraiser." " No." " Why?" "The day before, the president is giving a speech..." " ...on violence in film." " One he shouldn't give." " That's beside the point." " So?" " Posner's movies are violent." " So is The Godfather." "What you mean to say is Posner's movies are bad." "I mean to say, his movies are indicative of a Hollywood that is excessively, arrogantly violent and is promoting violence and the disrespect of human life." "We can't admonish them Tuesday and cash their check Wednesday." "It's Hollywood." "Who gives a damn?" "Hang on a second, Mr. President." "I'm drafting a speech for the entertainment industry where we come out and say that much of their product is corruptive." "Are we doing this because we want them to take moral leadership seriously or because nobody has lost an election attacking Hollywood?" "Why can't we do both?" " It's not hypocritical?" " No, because Sam is right." "It's not that Larry Posner's movies have sex and violence." "They suck." "They're terrible." "But people see them because they have sex and violence." "If people stop seeing crappy movies, Posner would stop making them." "Is that strategy working in the war on drugs?" "We are imploring these people to step up and not be quite so casual with the awesome influence they have." "But whenever someone blows thunder at this ridiculous target it only distracts from the pursuit of actual solutions!" "Let me say one thing." "If I were an actor or a writer or a director and someone came at me with lists of things that were American and un-American, it would sound eerily familiar." "Do I look like Joe McCarthy to you?" "Nobody ever looks like Joe McCarthy." "That's how they get in the door." "We seem to have wandered off the point a bit." " Yeah, and time's up." " Thank you, Mr. President." " Chili tonight!" " Yes, sir." " Are you okay?" " Yeah." " You look a little...." " No, no." " Know that donut on your desk?" " You ate it?" "That was predictable, wasn't it?" " Any word yet on the...." " The thing's still out there." "I had a guy who wants us to spend more time on UFOs." " We spend time on UFOs?" " I said that." "After the Ouija board...." "I'm closing the door." "CPC picked this thing up on radar." " Sam." " Right." "Listen, you're close with Cathy, right?" " I haven't seen her naked." " That's not what I'm asking." "She's like my younger sister, but she's paid and she frightens me." "But I love her." "It's like you and Donna." "Right." "When they gave you the card and said it's you and not Cathy how did you feel about that?" " Gave me what card?" " The NSC card with directions." "The directions to...?" "You, C.J., Toby." "When the NSC guy gave you your cards." "Josh, what card?" "Nothing." "I was thinking of a different...." "Nothing." "We'd like to tell you about Pluie." " Who's Pluie?" " I'm glad you asked." " That's Pluie?" " Yes." " Pluie's a wolf?" " She is." "And you're gonna tell me her story?" "For 4 years, scientists tracked Pluie as she made her way from Alberta up and down the Rockies." "She's made 3 round trips between Canada and Wyoming." "40,000 square miles." "It was an impressive performance considering the impediments of modern life she had to conquer." "Highways, housing, forests denuded of trees." " And the U.S.-Canadian border." " Sure, no photo ID." "I'm sorry?" "That was a joke." "Why does Pluie do it?" "Wolves have to breed with many packs to keep from becoming extinct." "If they breed among themselves, they'll become genetically weaker endangering long-term survival." "That helps explain Buckingham Palace." " May we tell you what we propose?" " Sure." "The wolves-only roadway." "The wolves-only roadway?" "1800 miles, from Yellowstone to the Yukon territory with highway overpasses." " An 1800-mile wolves-only roadway?" " Pluie had to..." "How do you teach wolves to follow road signs?" "Our scientists are working on a plan." "Pluie's gonna get drunk, wander off the road and eat my cat." " We don't think that'll happen." " I don't think this'll happen." "Ranchers don't want wolves returned to the West." " Ranchers are killers." " They aren't." "You should take that back." "Ranchers face falling stock prices, rising taxes, drought and people eating less beef." "They want to blame something." "I'd rather it be a wolf than us." "Pluie was shot and killed by a rancher last month." "I'm sorry to hear that." "I'm not sure you are." "How much would it cost?" "That's the beauty part." "With corporate sponsorship the cost to the taxpayer is only $900 million." "Seriously, how much would it cost?" "If we're gonna do this, why not do it right?" "We're not gonna do it." "Sure, there are other ways to spend." "You think?" "What's a better way to spend the money?" "$900 million?" "Another war plane or S  L bailout?" "How about the nine best schools?" "Let's move on to the grizzly bear." "Can I talk to you?" "Did you get him a spot on Hollywood Squares?" "You know Posner's a huge supporter." "I know." " I came to be nice to you." " Go ahead." " I don't like going against you." " I don't either." "That's you being nice?" "I'm glad Rosen passed on the communications job." "They couldn't have done better than you." "Excuse me?" "You're a better director than David Rosen would've been." "That's me being nice." " I asked if I was the first choice..." " Back to this?" "...you called me paranoid." "You called me a paranoid nudnik." "For the last time, you weren't the president's second choice." " And David Rosen?" " What?" "Mandy was in my office." "She said she's happy Rosen passed on my job." "We'll start in a few minutes." "Give fair warning." "I don't know anything." "Where is this coming from?" "Help me with the gun thing." "Hollywood can wait." "Since when do you need help?" "Since I became the kid raising his hand that nobody wants the teacher to call on." "Just help me, please." "I appreciate you squeezing me in like this." "I was able to cancel someone." "You shouldn't have, it's not a big deal." "What's not a big deal?" "I'm out of practice." "That comes from not seeing me for months." "The idea would make the people I work for nervous." "Why are you here now?" "This is gonna sound silly." "There's a magazine article..." "A magazine article came out and it said several countries have stored the smallpox virus." " Are you afraid you have smallpox?" " No." "Don't laugh." " I have Ave Maria stuck in my head." " The Schubert?" "Yeah, I've been humming it to myself all morning." " Why do you think the Ave Maria?" " Why do you think?" "I don't know." "My sister played it over and over, I don't know how many years ago." " Your sister who died?" " Joanie." "Why did Joanie play the Ave Maria in her room?" "She liked music." "A lot." "She wanted to be a conductor." "She used to pretend she was conducting to the music." "Anyway, that, and I was a little thrown off this morning when they gave me this card." "I was the only one who got one." "I mean, of my friends." "That surprised me." " Joanie, Toby and C.J." " Joanie?" " What?" " You named Joanie in there." "You said you got a card and Joanie didn't." "I meant...." "No." "We were just talking about Joanie." "What kind of card?" "It was...." "There are things I can't discuss." "I'm not withholding anything I should be emotionally available for." " Okay." " Thanks." "Can you talk about it, but not talk about it?" "I gotta go." " Sorry you canceled an appointment." " But I did cancel." " Take off your coat." " It was impulsive, I wasted your time." "Do you think it's strange you haven't told me how Joanie died?" " I've told you." " No, you haven't." " Sure, I have." " No." "It's not a big deal." "She was babysitting for me and there was a fire." "How'd the fire start?" "I honestly don't remember." "Something about a popcorn maker." "And the house caught on fire?" " Yeah." " While Joanie was babysitting you?" "Why aren't you dead?" "I ran out of the house." "You were just a little boy." "That's what you were supposed to do." "I was knocking, but you didn't answer." " I didn't hear the door." " What are you doing?" "I'm ready to brief the president on the smallpox article." "Forget about that for tonight and come have some chili." "An NSC staffer gave me a card with instructions for what to do in a nuclear attack." "They want me up in a plane or down in a bunker." "They don't want you." "Or Sam or Toby, for that matter." "I didn't want to be friends with you and have you not know." "Have you been upset about this?" "Yes." "You're sweet sometimes, you really are." "Of course they don't want me, I'm a press secretary." "They won't be issuing any releases." "Sam and Toby are communications." "And speeches won't be a priority." "Come." "Have some fun." "This is a beautiful piece of music." "Do you know this?" "I'm Catholic." "Hang on, listen...." "That, right there." "It's miraculous." " Schubert was crazy, you know?" " Yes." "Do you have to be crazy to create something powerful?" "The Cold War is over." "There's..." "God, C.J., it's not gonna be like that." "It's not gonna be the red phone and nuclear bombs." " What's it gonna be?" " It's gonna be this." "Smallpox has been gone for 50 years." "No one has an acquired immunity." "It flies through the air." "You carry a 10-foot cloud around you." "If 100 people in New York City got it, you'd have to encircle them with 100 million vaccinated people to contain it." "Do you know how many doses of the vaccine exist here?" "Seven." "100 people get it, we'll have a global emergency that'll make HIV look like cold and flu season." "It's gonna be a test tube with a rubber cap that's deteriorating." "A guy steps out of Times Square station..." "Smashes it on the sidewalk." "There's a world war right there." "We'll make more vaccine." "You better hurry." "I'm the only one with a card." " The president is asking for you." " In a minute." "You really are very sweet sometimes." "It's all about the fundamentals." "Keep your feet moving on defense." "Pass and get open on offense." "I am a master of the fundamentals." "That is why my team thoroughly dominated yours." "Didn't hurt having an ACC Player of the Week." " Kids don't understand." " No appreciation for the game." " Are you drunk?" " No." " Now, why..." " I just like asking." " I tell you..." " Give it up." "Where's Zoey?" "She's in the kitchen." "Wolves don't kill people." "It's a myth." "Now she's become a wolf person?" "More people are killed getting change out of vending machines." "People killed last year by vending machines: four." "Number of people killed by wolf attack: zero." "Excuse me." "People die from vending machines?" " Hey, good to see you." " Mr. President." "I guess we haven't been getting along too well, lately." "No, I guess not." " I've been irritating you?" " Yes." "Was David Rosen your first choice for my job?" "Yes." "I'm glad we had this little talk." "I feel a lot better, thanks." "We were up all night on that one, Toby." "Me and Leo and Josh." "They were screaming at me, "Governor, it's gotta be Toby. "" "I held my ground and we went to Rosen." "And he wanted to take a partnership at Salomon Brothers, thank God." "I couldn't live without you." "I mean it, I'd be in the tall grass." "In the weeds." "I know I disappoint you sometimes." "I can sense it." "I only get mad because you're right a lot of times." "You aren't the kid in class with his hand up." "Whatever it was you said to C.J." "You are a wise and brilliant man, Toby." "The other night, on the court, did you mean what you said?" "That my demons were shouting down my better angels?" "Yes, sir, I did." "You think that's what's stopping me from greatness?" "Yes." "I suppose you're right." "I'll tell you what, though." "In a battle between a president's demons and his better angels for the first time in a long while I think we might just have ourselves a fair fight." "Thank you, Toby." "Now, go away." " Drop the spoon." " I knew it was you." " You look good!" " You look like death!" "Thanks." "I have a new barber." " I heard you've been nutty today." " Mind your own business." " What classes you taking?" " Mind your own business." " Charlie, you met Zoey Bartlet?" " It's a pleasure, ma'am." "Let's take it back a moment." "This is a girl." "You don't call her "ma'am. "" " Beg your pardon." "Did I call you..." " Zoey." " I should call you Zoey?" " If I can call you Charlie." " The president..." " That's her father." "You're forbidden from adding cumin to the chili." "Check to see if he's nearby." "I have certain instructions." " You're fine." " Taste this." " Doesn't it need cumin?" " It needs oregano." "Well, let's get to work." "See you guys." "Maybe the vending machines fall on them while they're getting their change." "We can build schools and protect wildlife at the same time." " Pluie really got to you?" " He really was very sweet." "Josh, we were looking for you." " Look at this." " Look at what, sir?" "Nothing makes me feel quite so good as colleagues enjoying each other outside work." "What were you guys talking about?" "We were talking about these women." "We can't get over these women." "C.J.'s like a '50s movie star." "So capable, loving and energetic." "Look at Mandy over there." "Going punch for punch with Toby in a world that tells women to sit down and shut up." "She's already won her battle with the president." "But she's not done." "She wants Toby." "Mrs. Landingham." "Did you guys know she lost two sons in Vietnam?" "Why she serves her country is beyond me, but she's not missed a day's work." "There's Cathy, Donna, and Margaret...." "There's something that's been bothering me." " I know it's an inappropriate time." " What's on your mind?" "I serve the president, and it's an unforgettable privilege." "I can't keep this." "It's a white flag of surrender." "I wanna be a comfort to my friends in tragedy and celebrate with them in triumph." "For the times in between, I wanna be able to look them in the eye." "I wanna be with my friends, my family and these women." "Excuse me." "Thank you." "Friends, please." "The chili's ready, I hope you enjoy it." "Since I told you you would enjoy it I'm reasonably certain that you will." "The first lady is in Pakistan." "I'm not entirely sure why, but I've learned it's a good idea not to ask too many questions." "It seldom leads to anything but confusion." "I miss her very much, but I'm delighted our daughter is here." "You know, she's starting Georgetown in the spring." "This, prior to medical school and a life of celibacy." "Yeah, right." "It's an incredible adventure." "Four years full of people and experiences you haven't dreamed of." "Allow me just one minute of business." "I hope by the time our four years are done we see to it that anyone who chooses can go to college, regardless of their economic status." "Here, here." "I hear that today was another one of Leo's "big block of cheese" days." "You all start out cynical, but there's always one or two converts a day." "Today was no exception." "C.J. is gonna be up all night .writing a position paper on the necessity of wildlife protection." "C.J., I don't mind the cost of this wolves-only highway." "It's the segregation." "The ACLU will file a petition on behalf of reindeer and we're all screwed." "Sam Seaborn had a guy who spotted a UFO today." "He's been thinking about it ever since." "It wasn't a ship from another planet, just another time." "An abandoned Soviet satellite." "Its booster didn't fire and it couldn't escape Earth's orbit." "A reminder of a time when two powerful nations challenged each other and then boldly raced into outer space." "What will be the next challenge that makes us go farther and work harder?" "When smallpox was eradicated it was the greatest humanitarian achievement of this century." "Surely we can do it again as when our eyes looked towards the heavens and with outstretched fingers, we touched the face of God." "Here's to absent friends and the ones that are here now."