"1x01" " The Avengers Protocol /part 1" "Iron Man:" "It's noon, got three hours of beauty rest." "Man, it's been awhile since I've seen any action." "I wonder if any of the old gang needs their butts saved today." "So Thor's bringing the thunder as usual." "But what are his odds doing it solo?" "I'll bet 62% chance of..." "Scratch that. [roars]" "Hulk." "Nah, he's sitting at 96% smash probability." "[grunts]" "Hawkeye definitely needs my help." "Jarvis:" "Have you noticed how often you lose your bets with yourself?" "If I were keeping track, I believe you'd owe yourself $15 million." "Don't worry, Jarvis." "I'm good for every digital penny." "Jarvis:" "You could just contact them, sir." "No, we broke up the band for a reason." "And like I predicted, Earth is doing just fine without the Avengers." "It's just that..." "[alarm blares]" "That can't be right." "Captain America can handle a bunch of HYDRA losers with one arm and a rolled-up newspaper." "Red Skull?" "He is long dead." "Jarvis:" "Satellites confirm a match of body telemetry." "It is him, sir." "Upload those coordinates into my navigation and keep my eggs warm." "Skull busting makes me hungry." "[whirs]" "New toys, same old HYDRA." "Sorry you came all the way back from the dead to chalk up another loss, Skull." "Perhaps." "Perhaps not. [guns cocking] [cackles]" "Just a few more seconds, Cap." "I got your back." "[strains]" "Cap! [theme music playing]" "[coughs]" "Nooo!" "[coughs]" "So the Iron Man has a heart after all?" "Drop the shield, you animal!" "I think not." "Consider it a symbol of a new dawn, and your demise." "Jarvis, give me a pre-play simulation now!" "Jarvis:" "Pre-play simulation." "[beeping]" "Scans show their tech is hard-wired to their central nervous systems." "HYDRA's never been that advanced." "What happened to my pre-play sims, Jarvis?" "Jarvis:" "Already ahead of you, sir." "As usual." "Those guys are gonna wake up with a headache." "Jarvis:" "Armor breached." "System failure." "[grunts] [thuds] [grunts]" "Red Skull:" "You are just a fool in a machine, Stark!" "Without your technology, you have nothing!" "No instinct for battle." "No fire to lead!" "You hide behind armor so you don't have to make sacrifices for victory!" "[beeping] Jarvis:" "Power is at 20%, sir." "And you have a new problem teleporting in." "Red Skull:" "Let me show you!" "Won't this be fun." "M.O.D.O.K.?" "Since when does he team up?" "[strains]" "Red Skull:" "M.O.D.O.K. has graciously upgraded my army." "As you're well aware, his technopathic abilities work wonders with machines." "Even your machines, Herr Stark." "Enjoy your final painful moments on Earth." "[strains] [groans]" "[Red Skull coughs]" "We got what we came for, Skull." "Cap." "Jarvis, activate "the Avengers protocol."" "[police siren wails] Cops are coming, uh, so hang around." "[computer whirs] [gasps]" "I'm already warmed up and I got the B.O. to prove it." "Don't waste you arrow." "It's time." "I've activated the Avengers protocol." "Yeah, right." "Hilarious, Stark." "All right, where are the hidden cameras?" "Code Alpha, Omicron, Omega." "We need you, Hawkeye." "Iron Man:" "We had our reasons for disbanding the Avengers." "I bet some would count my winning personality as one of them." "And the world did fine without us, some things changed." "You know my ego well enough to realize" "I wouldn't send out this call if I could just whip up a suit of armor and make the bad things go away." "Puny Stark!" "Whateveryou'redoing, I guarantee it's nothing compared to this." "Get to the mansion A.S.A.P. Your team is waiting." "Agent Wilson, I was told you were at the top of your class!" "So why am I watching you just hang out here like Spider-Man after a late night?" "Wilson, what's gotten into you?" "Sorry, Director Fury, just got a call for the big leagues." ""Big leagues"?" "Ha!" "And what do you think is bigger than S.H.I.E.L.D.?" "Jarvis, I'm here." "And I'm completely geeking out that Tony sent a probe for me." "Jarvis:" "Mr. Stark suggested you should wear the War Machine armor." "War Machine?" "I don't think so." "Time to give project Redwing its first test drive." "Jarvis:" "Arrogant and pig-headed, you'll make a fine Avenger." "[engines roar]" "Called you too, huh?" "Nothing big going on in Valhalla tonight?" "Yugensborg!" "The norse tree-hurling competition and a festival the likes of which you can't even imagine." "But never have I heard Stark so serious." "[loud bang] [grunts] [alarms blare]" "Autopilot's out!" "Cross your fingers!" "[strains]" "[sighs]" " Now, you go hit whatever hit us." " That suits me fine!" "[air whooshing] Hulk, you fool!" "[grunts] You'll kill us all!" "Did you just call me stupid?" "[both grunt]" "Some things never change." "[growls] [grunts] [groans]" "Now, this is a battle." "It's been too long." "Too long." "Like your hair." "[roars] [both grunt]" "Enough!" "You knuckleheads play tag and Manhattan gets a 9.0 earthquake." "Thanks for reminding me why this didn't work last time." "Iron Man:" "Here's what's happening." "The Avengers are reassembling." "Handpicked by me, under my command." "Ha!" "You?" "You could lead a field trip to Vegas, maybe, but..." "No jokes." "Not now." "Cap is gone." "One of our own fell today, taken down by M.O.D.O.K., and the Red Skull." "If they're together now, the world is at risk." "Besides, we have a friend to avenge." "Now, I know you all have reasons to walk out that door, but I can't do this alone." "Can we set the past aside and work together, one last time?" "We are Avengers, and the world needs us." "You know me, point and shoot." "We gonna hug now, or can we go smash someone?" "Keeping my distance for now, but it looks like the call I got wasn't a mistake." "The Avengers are having a reunion." "Black Widow out." "I'm sure you never imagined I would outlive you." "[coughs]" "If you're done muttering to yourself, perhaps you should get to work." "You have been useful, M.O.D.O.K., but do not forget your place." "[alarm blares]" "So soon?" "I knew Stark would be angry." "Good." "I hacked into the satellite there is, to trace the tachyon particles associated with teleportation." "Jarvis:" "All data points to Antarctica." "Hulk:" "Whatever gets us smashing faster!" "[clinks]" "They're called "mints." Try a dozen." " Hawkeye!" " What?" "Can't look for bad guys if I have to cut through his gamma breath to see them." "Hey!" "[yelps]" "See anything now?" "[Hawkeye screams]" "Hulk!" "Actually, you just did me a favor, green bean." "Eight o'clock!" "[strains] [grunts]" "Hawkeye:" "Thor just got hammered." "Step on it!" "I'm bringing us in close, brace yourself for..." "Jarvis:" "System breach." "Mainframe override." "I though you understood what a technopath does to machines, Stark?" "Whatever I want." "Iron Man:" "Change of plans, guys." "Looks like we're gonna need someone to avenge us." "Iron Man:" "Everybody clear?" "Good!" "Okay, that's an ouch." "Apparently, M.O.D.O.K.'s increased his range as well as his power levels." "That stinks." "[coughs] You said it." "Forget the breath mints, Hulk." "We're skipping straight to advanced showering." "I can still drop you." "[grunts]" "What is our plan to vanquish the Skull?" "Hit everything!" "Hard!" "So the plan is "there is no plan"." " I thought he was the smart one." " I like the plan." "Get him!" "Go, go, let's go!" "[men clamoring] [all yell] [pants] [grunts]" "[screams]" "[grunts]" "Asgard's favorite son will lead the fray, and I'll drop more minions!" " Want to bet?" " Hey, I'm fighting here!" " Fight there!" " Don't even think it... [grunts] [screams] [grunts] [guns cocking]" "I'm not with them." "Widow:" "Typical." "So this is what Stark in charge looks like?" "Oh, boy." "[swishing arrow]" "Want to rethink the non-plan, shellhead?" "Trust me." "Just shoot your little arrows and let me handle it." "We have to find the Skull before... [sparking] [screams]" "One dead Avenger isn't enough?" "There is nothing you can build that I can't manipulate, Stark!" "I will... [beeping] [groans]" "Tell me that was someone being fashionably late." "It was." "I just wanted to make sure you needed me before I accepted your invite." "And of course, you do." "No surprise." "Red Skull: [on speaker] M.O.D.O.K., the time is now." "Or all is lost." "[beeps] As you wish." "[whirring]" "Is it true?" "About Cap?" " Yes." " Then you'd better stop playing solo and actually lead this team before you lose more friends today." "All right, as a team." "M.O.D.O.K.'s cloaked." "I can't find a hair on his big ugly head." "Ideas?" "Scan for the Skull." "He's a Super-soldier alumni." "His blood has trace isotopes that will show up on a chemical scan." " I'm impressed." " Of course you are. [grunts]" "Accessing the Super-soldier files, scanning for a chemical match." "And there's two targets?" "We had a plan..." "for a few seconds." "Uh-oh." "[all grunting]" "Next time you want to complain about my breath, remember I just saved your..." "[groans]" "Sorry, I didn't get that last part." "Automated defenses have us pinned down." "We need some tech help, now!" "Iron Man:" "Rub your brains together and come up with a plan." "I'm too close." "[repulsor powering up]" "No!" "Knock, knock, M.O.D.O.K." "Cap, you're alive!" "[both straining]" "I don't know what Skull's doing to you, but let's get you out of here." "Iron Man?" "You weren't fried, you were teleported." "I can't believe I missed that." "I'm glad to see you, buddy." "This leadership thing is way harder than I thought." "Welcome back." "So you left the rest of your team behind... for me?" "It sounds bad when you say it like that." "But..." "how did you know they were here?" "Fool!" "[clanks]" "As I said, you have no idea what it takes to be a leader of men." "This body is mine!" "[grunts] You scum!" "Not much of a futurist if you didn't see this coming, Herr Stark." "I was dying. [grunts] My body ravaged by the very serum that had given me such strength all these years." "[whirs] [groans]" "But why perish when there was an alternative?" "M.O.D.O.K. was the key." "[strains]" "His power transferred my being into a body where the Super-soldier serum actually worked. [grunts] [strains] [clanks]" "We left my hated enemy to rot in my own walking corpse." "I am the end of the Avengers!" " Cap:" "This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you." " Huh?" "[grunts]" "Cap, I hope that's you." "Red Skull:" "Auf wiedersehen." "[strains]" "You've avenged me, Tony." "[coughs]" "Now, lead them." "Jarvis, has Sam left the tower?" "Jarvis:" "Yes, he's on his way, but..." "Perfect." "Then it's nap time for big brain." "You said before I didn't understand sacrifice." "Let's see if I've learned anything. [whirs]" "No!" "Don't let him!" "[screams] [powering down]" "Iron Man:" "Electromagnetic pulse shut down all the working tech in this base." "Meaning your technopath can't do squat." "[clangs]" "In your borrowed face." "[laughs]" "Your armor is nothing but dead weight now." "You did nothing but ensure your own demise!" "I know you're the smart one, but that was pretty dumb." "Wait for it." "[all yell]" "Wilson:" "Iron Man, I'm here." "And the suit is awesome!" "Iron Man:" "Hit Captain America, hard!" "Wilson:" "What?" "[strains]" "Nein!" "[grunts]" "Please tell me there was a good reason for that because I have always wanted to meet Cap and knocking a guy out is not a way to meet your hero." "Brain switch." "And I thought I was your hero." "What happened to the War Machine armor?" "Wilson:" "The Falcon armor is just cooler." ""Falcon," huh?" "Works for me." "[roars]" "[growls] Cap?" " Not Cap, trust me." " Who's the bird man?" "Widow:" "His name is Sam Wilson." "S.H.I.E.L.D. trainee." "Been moonlighting for Tony in secret for months." "It's what I do." "By the way..." "You're fired, Wilson!" " Welcome to the Avengers." " Uh, thanks?" "Jarvis:" "Power restored." "[guns cocking]" "Ah, that's the stuff." "[whirs]" "Systems are finally back online." "That means..." "Avengers, assemble!" "[music]" "Iron Man:" "You wanted a plan?" "Here it is." "Hulk, Thor, keep M.O.D.O.K. off balance." "He can't concentrate, he can't take me out." "Widow, Hawkeye, get Cap into the brain switch-a-roo thing." "Falcon, make the thing work." "The Skull is mine." "Is that an acceptable plan, Mr. Hawkeye?" "I'll let you know when it works." "[grunts] [roars] [soldiers yell]" "[roars] [all groan]" "[grunts] [grunts]" "I will have vengeance, Stark!" "I was built to destroy!" " Together, then?" " Why not?" "Move." "[grunts] [sonic boom]" "[M.O.D.O.K. screams]" "I guess you'll be sitting this one out?" "[groans] We good?" "Great." "[both grunt]" "Pathetic!" "This ends now!" "I think you're right." "You've scratched up my body enough." "[both grunt]" "Brain swapper's online, but not for long." "Took a lot of damage when you pulsed it." "Consider it on the job training and make it happen." "[grunts]" "You'll regret this, Stark!" "[strains]" "I hate seeing me squirm." "Cap:" "Finish it, would you, kid?" "[music] [strains]" "[both scream]" "Red Skull:" "No!" "[groans]" "Much better, thank you." "All of you." "No one messes with one of our own and gets away with it." " Avengers forever." " Uh, don't dislocate your shoulder patting yourself on the back, fearless leader." "Red Skull: "Leader"?" "All these years, all these battles, and I've been going about it wrong." "Thank you, Stark, for showing me what I must become." "M.O.D.O.K.!" "[pulsing]" "[all grunt]" "Jarvis:" "System failure imminent." "Armor disassembling." "My armor!" "What..." "what are you doing?" "[strains]" "Cap:" "Tony!" "[both grunt] [grunts] [grunts] [screams]" "If I cannot have his body to keep me alive..." "I will take yours." "[screams]" "Iron Man!" "Iron Man is no more." "Long live the Iron Skull!" "Cap:" "No!" "[groans] [roars] [strains]" "Teleported." "Hey, Cap." "Remember how far I went to pull your butt out of the fire?" "Your turn." "[sighs]"