"What's the matter?" "I have an eating disorder." "That blows." "What about you?" "Oh, Paul's my uncle." "He's just taking me out for my birthday." "You don't go to St. Ann's, do you?" "Packer?" "No." "You look familiar." "Well, I live in Milwaukee." "Well, have a good birthday." "Thanks." "Hey." "I think you're beautiful just the way you are." "♪ Happy Birthday to me ♪" "♪ Happy Birthday to me ♪" "♪ Happy Birthday dear Jesse ♪" "♪ Happy Birthday to me. ♪" "Millions of chat sites are rejoicing because 17 is the age of consent in New York state." "I'm not kidding." "It's like a new gay holiday." "Happy Birthday, Jesse." "It's just how I always dreamed it would be." "So..." "What happened last week?" "Was there a fire?" "Did your son intentionally set the house on fire?" "No no, it was just..." "just an accident." "Is your son okay?" "Yes." "Good." "I'm glad." "Actually, I'm glad you brought it up." "I wanted to talk to you about why you... why you ran off." "I should have never been here, okay?" "It was stupid." "It was late and..." "You should have just kicked me out when I first showed up." "But I didn't kick you out, Jesse." "Yeah, but you wanted to." "Now why would you think that?" "Paul, can I ask you something?" "Sure." "Why did you become a therapist?" "I..." "I guess because I wanted to... to help people." "Are you a good therapist?" "Do you think I'm a good therapist?" "Is there some way that I could be a better therapist for you?" "Probably not." "I guess I just..." "I don't really see what the point is." "I don't know why you do it." "You don't feel it's working for you?" "Does it make anyone happy?" "Well, the point is not always to be happy." "Okay, then what's the point?" "Well, it differs from person to person." "You know, a lot of people... they spend their whole lives in a kind of a fog." "I think that therapy, when it works, when it really works... it helps people to, well, unlock themselves." "Well, I ran into the girl before me in the waiting room." "She said she had an eating disorder." "What are you telling her?" "Well, I'm trying to help her identify why she sees herself in that way." "Do you know why?" "I have some ideas, obviously, but, you know, ultimately what I think doesn't really matter." "It's what she thinks that matters." "What, that doesn't sound credible to you?" " It sounds like..." " It sounds like what?" "Never mind." "No, go on." "Please tell me." "It sounds like those guys on canal street that are selling fake Rolexes." "Like, what does it matter if it isn't a rolex as long as you think it's a rolex, you know?" "But it still isn't a rolex." "It's still just a cheap piece of shit, no matter what you think." "Well, it's not a rolex." "That's true." "But it's not a piece of shit either." "Because objects are worth the meaning that we invest in them, what we ascribe to them, and so are people." "I got an email from Kevin." "And what did he say?" "He says..." "That it was a mistake to contact me prematurely, that it was irresponsible, that he won't attempt to contact me again, but he hopes I'll get back in touch with them when I think I'm ready." "I'm so sorry, Jesse." "Why?" "It must be tremendously disappointing." "Not really." "What do you... what do you feel about that?" "Nothing." "Did you email him back?" "No, there's no point." "It's over." "You don't anticipate ever getting back in touch with them?" "No, they don't want me to." "God, it's my fucking birthday." "17... 17 years ago I came out of Karen Scott's vagina." "And now all she has to say to me is that she contacted me prematurely." "God." "Why is everything such bullshit?" "Hey, how long do you think I'll live?" "I don't know, Jesse." "I mean, if I don't fall off a building or shoot myself or whatever, how long is the average?" "Um, 80... 80 years." "Jesus." "That means I have to make it through another 63 years." "You know..." "You're not always gonna feel the way you're feeling right now." "You mean it's going to get better?" "Yeah, but the thing is," "I've always felt like this, even before I met Kevin and Karen." "You felt like..." "like what way exactly?" "I have this friend, okay?" "Named Barrett." "And he has a really big nose." "And even when we were, like, eight and all the other kids had little kid noses," "Barrett had this honker." "And I've just..." "I've always thought that if I were Barrett," "I would be really embarrassed by my nose." "But Barrett isn't." "He doesn't even notice it." "And he's always really happy." "And everyone really likes him." "And even since we've been in High School, he has girlfriends." "And it was all just really confusing to me until I met his dad." "He's this fancy wall street guy, a really good dresser, but he has the same nose." "It's huge." "And I met his mother." "She's really beautiful." "They just seem like the perfect family." "And now I get it." "Where Barrett got his confidence from." "Yeah, exactly." "He looks just like his dad." "And his dad is really happy." "So why shouldn't Barrett be happy?" "I used to spend hours when I was a kid just looking in the mirror, trying to figure out if I was handsome or not." "And what did you decide?" "Well, it just depended on the day." "If someone told me I was handsome, then I was handsome." "And if someone told me I was ugly, then I believed that." "I hardly ever look in the mirror anymore though, not if I can help it." "It's just too stressful." "When you met your birth parents..." "Did you... did you... did you see yourself in their faces?" "Were they... were they good-looking, did you think?" "And rich and happy, until they kicked me out." "Kicked you out?" "Is that... that's how you remember the experience?" "I imagine you've been thinking quite a lot about what happened at Kevin and Karen's last week." "Yeah." "And when you were telling the story of Barrett's father, can I tell you what I thought of?" "Sure." "How last week you were considering donating your kidney to your..." "to your brother." "Did Kevin mention anything about that in his email?" "No." "I guess I was wrong about all that." "You know, when you talk about Barrett it sounds like you saw his nose as like a promise, some kind of contract passed down from father to son:" "You have my nose;" "You are my son;" "I am a happy man therefore you are a happy man." "So maybe you were trying to create your own contract with Kevin." "Maybe you thought, if you gave your brother a kidney, they'd have... they'd really have to be your parents finally and recognize you as part of them, you know?" "You're probably right." "That sounds smart." "Thanks." "You know, Jesse, there's no reason why you can't write Kevin back and just say to him how painful it was to receive his email." "He has left the door open to communication." "Yeah, when I feel that I'm ready." "Yeah, I think that's up to you to decide what that means." "Well, he basically just told me to go fuck myself." "Okay, I can see why you would think that." "Maybe he's trying to give you space if you need it, but still maintain a connection." "Look, if he really wanted to maintain a connection with me he shouldn't have given me up for fucking adoption." "You have plans for tonight, for your birthday?" "I might go to the marriott in Times Square to ride the elevators." "You can ride them for free." "They're glass." "And they go up over this huge atrium." "It's really peaceful." "Sounds... sounds nice." "Will you invite anybody to go with you?" "Like who?" "Josh, Raif." "They're out of town." "Anyone else?" "What were you gonna say?" "Nobody." "Nate, but he would never come." " Why not?" " He just wouldn't." "So have you talked to him recently?" "Not since he beat the crap out of me." "Do you want to speak to him?" "No, he hates me." "You're certain of that?" "He punched me." "Jesse, do you remember what happened before he punched you?" "Are you saying that I deserved it?" "No, I'm not." "Why don't they want me in their lives?" "What is so wrong with me?" "I don't understand." "Am I that awful?" "No, Jesse, you're not." "Well, then why don't they want me?" "I'm his son." "He kicked me out of his house." "I think he was frightened." "Of what?" "Of the situation." "God, what does that mean?" "Jesse, you were high." "And you were upset with them after seeing your siblings." "From their point of view you must have seemed highly volatile." "You've been fantasizing about Kevin and Karen all your life." "You imagined that they would be your saviors." "And now that you've met them, you know that they're not capable of that." "They're just ordinary people." "Worse than that... they're deeply disappointing." "And that's incredibly difficult." "I don't want to be anywhere." "I don't want to talk to anyone." "I just want..." "I just want to disappear." "Jesse, as your therapist," "I'm not supposed to tell you what to do, but as someone who cares about you, I'm going to." "Go home to the people who love you and celebrate your birthday with them." "Go home." "I can't go home." "I have to get to RISD." "They want to set up an interview." "That means I'm a finalist." "Roberto gave me money for my birthday and I'm gonna use it to buy a train ticket." "Mm-hmm, and have you found a way to cover the tuition?" "No, I'm..." "I'm just gonna show them the pictures." " Which pictures?" " The ones from Westchester." " From the yard?" " Yeah." "I'll just show them the pictures and then I'll tell them my story." "You said they don't offer financial aid." "Are you hoping they'll let you come anyway because they're gonna feel sorry for you?" "That place was made for me." "You saw the brochure." " It's a school for people just like you." " Yeah." "A place where they'll finally appreciate and embrace you, the true home you've been searching for." "Do you see what you're doing here?" "Go fuck yourself." "Jesse, y need to stay here." "I know that running away seems like a good idea now, but I promise you you will take this feeling with you wherever you go." "It will not leave you until you deal with it." "And it won't leave you even then, but it will lessen." "And believe it or not, eventually you'll be able to draw a strength from this experience that you never imagined possible." "How's your son?" "You... you've asked me that already." "He... he's fine." "Is he still here?" "No, he... he went back to Baltimore to live with his..." "with his mother." "Have you ever been to that ice cream place by the waterfront?" "I don't think so." "Well, I was thinking of going there later for my birthday." "Do you want to come?" "Why don't you ask Roberto?" "I can't." "Yes, you can." " God, you don't understand." " What don't I understand?" "You so obviously don't get it." "Nobody gets it." "Jesse, look at me." "I get it." "I get it." "Is the session over?" "Oh yes." "Yes, it is." "Do you want me to leave?" "Not alone." "With your permission, I'd like to call your mother and father" " to come pick you up." " Please don't do that." "I'll be all right." "Just let me sit here for a moment." "Okay." "I was looking forward to this all week."