"Dang it!" "Sorry for the language." "What's wrong?" "I got my paper back on "Moby-Dick,"" "and Ms. Kelley gave me a "D."" "A "D"?" "Yeah, a "D," as in, "Dang it!"" "Sorry again." "Yeah, you better put a dollar in the not-really-a-swear jar." "Well, did Ms. Kelley say why?" "She said it wasn't my best work." "Man, Ms. Kelley really has it in for me." "I don't remember her being that tough when Molly had her." "You got to catch her in a year she has a boyfriend." "She said I could redo it if I want, but I think I should just cut my losses." "Really?" "That's what you think?" "Ken, you want to step in here?" "Gladly." "Dave, don't redo it." "It's obvious this angry spinster doesn't get you." "We'll switch schools, baby." "What?" "No!" "The answer I was looking for is," ""Of course do it again and work harder."" "Okay, you got to tell me these things ahead of time." "I'm not a mind reader." "Dave, you're gonna do it again." "Fine." "She's tougher than Ms. Kelley... am I right?" "Yeah?" "Maybe I also need a boyfriend." "Okay, you needing a boyfriend is the theme of too many of your jokes." "You're on notice." "Some patient give you that sad-ass gas-station plant?" "No, I actually got it for you." "Oh, it's beautiful!" "It's to thank you for all the help you've given me over the past few months, but they finally gave me a full-time medical assistant from the pool." "She starts today." "Aww!" "Well, I'm glad I was able to help." "And the guy at Exxon said you should water that once a day." "I was in a rush!" "Remember, start that amoxicillin ASAP." "It'll knock your strep right out of there." "Thanks, Dr. Park." "You're the best." "Aww, I never get tired of hearing that." "Can you say that again?" "You're the best." "Damona, did you hear that?" "Hear what?" "One more time." "It kind of hurts, with the strep." "Oh, yeah, you're right." "I'm..." "I'm sorry, yeah." "Uh, but with all due respect, you know... you did just say all that." "You're the best!" "Aww, thank you!" "Now, rest that throat now, you know?" "Yeah." "Wow." "Was that woman, like, obsessed with me or what, huh?" "So, who's next?" "You got a walk-in." "He's a doctor." "Donald Erwin?" "Dr. Erwin?" "Oh, no." "Um, y-you know what?" "Uh, give him to Dr. Tuttle." "I..." "He said he only wants to see you." "Is it that Dr. Erwin?" "Who is this Dr. Erwin?" "He was my attending physician during residency." "Brilliant cardiologist, but intimidating as hell." "I used to wonder how someone could know so much about the heart without having one." "Why is he here?" "To torment me?" "Is it not enough that you almost failed me out of residency?" "!" "That was 20 years ago." "You're not a resident anymore." "You're a full-on doctor and a really good one." "You're not wrong." "A patient was just going on and on about how I'm the best." "Come on, Ken, there's no way he's gonna treat you the same now as he did back then." "You're right." "I'm probably worried about nothing." "Well..." "If it isn't Dr. Dummy." "I don't know." " It seems he is gonna treat him the same." " Yeah." "Yeah, just the same, no difference at all." "Hey, Pat." "You got a minute?" "Well, I'm pretty busy right now, but, uh... for you, this candy will go un-crushed." "Hi." "Hi." "Um... what happened the other day?" "Well, we kissed passionately." "Yeah, I know." "Uh." "That kiss... it was..." "Impulsive and inappropriate, and I guess my lips just... took over." "And I'm..." "I'm so sorry, Damona." "I was going to say it was nice." "Oh, I couldn't agree more." "Look, I-I-I just don't think we should jump right back into things." " I know." " You know?" "Maybe we take it slow, see what happens." "Uh-huh." "Yeah, oh, no." "Absolutely." " Yeah." " Thank you." "So, if I'm... if I'm..." "If I'm reading you clearly, uh, our "supply closet" sessions..." "Yeah, we probably shouldn't do any of that." "No?" "No, no." "You know what we'll do?" "We'll just..." "We'll just, uh... stay in the shallow end of the pool, as it were." "Yeah, great, right." "Yeah." " Shallow end it is." " Okay." "So, a guy comes into the E.R." "We're already treating him for a heart attack." "Then, out of the blue, there's this little voice." ""Could be shingles."" "It's Dr. Dummy." "We had just read a chapter on shingles." "Why did they call you "Dr. Dummy"?" "That's a great story." "See, Park here was trying to be a doctor, and he was a dummy." "Wow." "You spin quite a yarn." "Dr. Erwin, what brings you here?" "It's been some time." "I thought you were safely on the East Coast." "Yeah, when I retired, I moved out to L.A." "and into the care of Mr. Coffee here." "Well, I thought it was "Dr. Dummy."" "Great story." "You see, he used to get me coffee." "We'd alternate between Dr. Dummy and Mr. Coffee, because when he wasn't being a dummy, he was getting me coffee." "Yeah, maybe it's the phrase "great story"" "that keeps throwing me." "Okay, now that we're caught up on my various clever nicknames, what seems to be the problem?" "I've been experiencing paresthesia in both legs the last two days." "Hmm, burning and tingling sensation... both legs." "Are you in any pain?" "No, it feels great." "It's the fun kind of paresthesia." "No, I-I just meant, are you..." "Yeah, I know what you meant." "What could be causing this?" "Sir, well, I-I-I think it could be..." "Come on, Park." "A toddler could diagnose this." "That would be an extraordinary toddler." "What is the differential diagnosis of paresthesia of the legs?" "Uh, multiple etiologies." "You have to consider the..." "Come on!" "Spit it out, Park!" "I know!" "I know!" "S-Sugar-betes?" "Excuse me?" "Diabetes?" "And here I was, pronouncing it wrong all these years." "Don't have that." "Spinal stenosis is what I'm thinking." "My God, 20 years later, and you still don't get it, do you?" "You know what?" "Make yourself useful." "Order me a diabetic panel, an MRI of my back, and a CB2S." "Yes, sir." "What's a CB2S?" "Coffee black... two sugars." "Ooh, Dr. Park, Ms. Carlisle just called." "She cancelled her 1:00." "Thanks, Kylie." "I appreciate it." "You want to know something funny?" "Ms. Carlisle lives on Sepulveda." "When I first moved out here from Omaha," " I lived on Sepulveda." " Wow." "With my old boyfriend, Gary... didn't work out." "No ambition..." "I mean," " just a total man-child, you know?" " Okay, yeah." "I got out of there as fast as I could, which was about four miles an hour," " 'cause of the traffic." " Yeah." "But it is near the beach." "Of course, you can't get there... 'cause of the traffic." "Right." "I got to get some paperwork done to..." "Really, the only thing Gary and I had in common was "Game of Thrones."" "Dr. Park!" "Do you watch "Game of Thrones"?" "No, so I guess I'm the wrong person..." "Oh, don't be silly." "There are only six seasons." "I can fill you in real quick." "Okay, season one... fade in." "What's with you?" "Oh, it's just my sandwich." "That chicken salad is nine kinds of awful." "Yeah, I'm sure the chicken would agree with you." "You know, you got to be the snarkiest vegan on God's green earth." "Oh, no, no, not even close." "Really, no." "Aren't you gonna answer that?" "Nah, it's probably just some telemarketer." "Okay, 'cause it says "Eric."" "The telemarketer's name is Eric." "So, this telemarketer has the same name and barking-dog ringtone as your boyfriend?" "Uh-huh." "And you programmed him into your phone." "Yes, yes, yes, I did." "And you know what he's selling?" "Subscriptions to None of Your Damn Business Weekly." "Okay, I know that that is not a real magazine." "Hey, Mol." "How was your day?" "Fine." "Yours?" "Long." "My new medical assistant, Kylie, started today." "She's like a conversational Bermuda Triangle." "I mean, if you want to know anything about "Game of Thrones"" "or traffic in West L.A., she's your gal." "Oh, okay." "Well, I better..." "And I thought about saying something to her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings or make it awkward between us." "But, my God, do you know what it's like when you're trying to get something done, and there's someone there yakking and yakking and yakking and won't shut up?" "I think I have a sense." "I'm gonna go study in my room." "Well, 20 years later," "Dr. Erwin's still making my life a living hell." "Ugh!" "It didn't go well?" "No, I fell right back to my old, insecure resident self the second he called me "Dr. Dummy."" "There's nothing funny about that." "This feels worse than when he gave me low scores in residency." "He always gave me two out of five in my evaluations." "I knew I should've punted him to another doctor the minute he came in." "Well, I've surrendered to writer's block." "Anyone up for some "Boggle"?" "No, you have to get that paper done." "What's the point?" "Ms. Kelley's always gonna be against me." "You know what, Dave?" "I've been thinking about this." "This is a golden opportunity for you to push back against a teacher who doesn't think you have what it takes." "This is the best thing that ever happened to you." "You've got to walk in there unafraid and prove yourself." "Make her feel foolish for ever doubting you." "Wow." "Thanks, Dad." "You got it, pal." "You can do this!" " Yeah!" "Whoo!" " Yes, yes!" "Yes!" "Whoo!" "So, how am I gonna handle this Dr. Erwin situation?" "!" "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "Wait, wait, Pat." "I'm not sure I can do this." "Oh, fine." "Just leave the heavy lifting to me." "No, no, I mean... we said we were gonna take this slow." "Yeah, turned out that was just idle banter on the way to the supply closet." "But what are we doing?" "We're living in the moment." "Why question it, Damona?" "I have to question it, Pat!" "We lived in the moment the last time, and that didn't work out." "You know who lives in the moment, Pat?" "Teenagers." "Are you calling me youthful?" "No." "I'm saying that I need to be with someone who actually thinks of things like the future and not just the next time we hook up." "I need to be with an adult." "Well, I resent that, Damona." "I am very much an adult." "I have a job, a home, a messy divorce... some might call that "the adult trifecta."" "I'm sorry, I got to go." "Oh!" "Back to insult me further?" "No, I need some Post-its." "Okay, look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but is there something going on with you and Eric?" "No." "If I stare at you with my piercing blue eyes, will you tell me?" "No." "Damn it!" "Those things are icy." "Mm-hmm." "Okay." "This is just between us, and please do not gasp." "I'm thinking about breaking up with Eric." "What did I just say?" "!" "What happened?" "That I can't tell you." "And..." "And I'm not even 100% sure it's the right thing to do." "And either way, I don't want to hurt his feelings." "So that's why you're ghosting him." "I'm not ghosting anybody!" "Okay, then." "Answer it." "Okay, I will." "Hello." "Thank you for calling the Jerk Chicken Hut." "This is Sampson speaking." "No, mon!" "You got the wrong number!" "Bye." "You are ghosting him, and really well, I might add." "I totally want to know more about this Sampson character." "Okay, can you get away from me?" "Can you leave me alone?" "Well, I guess I'm just the little wooden boy who doesn't have any feelings." "So..." "You're the sort of person who ghosts people, as the kids and Clark say." "And I'm the one who's not an adult." "Hmm." "Okay, wait a minute, Pat." "Save it, Damona." "You're right." "There aren't enough grown-ups between the two of us for an adult relationship." "Oh." "Well, hopefully today will be more productive." "I'd give yesterday's performance a one out of five." "That's even lower than you got back in the day, huh?" "Fun times." "So, which disc is it..." "L4-L5, L5-S1?" "Actually, your MRI results are normal." "It's not spinal stenosis." "What?" "Let me see that." "And, like you said, your diabetes panel was negative." "That doesn't make any sense." "If it's not diabetes or stenosis, what are we thinking here?" "Spinal tumor?" "Multiple myeloma?" "Well, not necessarily." "It could be something else." "Like what?" "And if you say shingles, I'm gonna knock you out!" "Wait." "Can you feel anything?" "No." "I'm gonna order a complete blood count." "A CBC is useless, Park!" "And a peripheral blood smear." "Oh, this is hopeless!" "You're not gonna find anything!" "All right, I will figure this out." "I need you to just give me a few minutes to think." "And get me a coffee, Dr. Dummy." "Hey, it's Dr. Park!" "All right, you are my patient." "This is how I do things in my clinic." "My house, my rules." "And you're not leaving until I get to the bottom of this!" "And I'll get you your coffee." "Two sugars is fine." "You're not diabetic." "Because a lot of people think you can't haggle at the grocery store... wrong!" "You just have to wear down the employees over time." "Um, can I talk to you in my office?" "Yes, please." "Uh, not you... you." "Oh." "Sorry, Mrs. Ferguson." "Do not apologize for saving me from that." "Boy, Mrs. Ferguson, huh? "Blah, blah, blah."" "Really?" "'Cause some might say, "Kylie, blah, blah, blah." "Blah, blah, blah!"" "What?" "Look, you're a nice person, but, oh, my God, with the talking." "Sepulveda, traffic, "Game of Thrones," cruises, your first apartment, boyfriends, the 405," ""Game of Thrones" season two." ""Fade in..."" "I'm so sorry." "And I've really been working on that." "You've been..." "That was you working on it?" "I-I get like this when I'm nervous." "I just start rambling... and then out comes the verbal salad." "I'm just doing it because I really like you, Dr. Park, and I don't want to lose this job." "Well, at least you're self-aware." "Maybe... just drop it down to a verbal side salad." "Thanks for hearing me out." "Okay, you know it's okay to speak?" "Oh, thank God." "Because even though I nodded, I wasn't sure I'd be able" " to not speak for long periods of time." " Well..." "Even the thumbs-up was really reassuring me more than you." "I'm not even a big thumbs-up person, you know, except for in the winter with mittens, and then the thumb's just kind of out there." "I know." "I'm doing it again, aren't I?" "You know what?" "I'll split the difference." "Oh!" "I remember you from when you left me here." "We were both so much younger then." "Look, Dr. Erwin, I know you're nervous, but you're gonna want to hear what I have to say." "That would be a first." "Now, your CBC shows you're mildly anemic, and your MCV is substantially elevated, so if you take a look at this slide..." "It's your blood smear." "Let me see." "Well, my red blood cells are huge." "Red blood cells are huge," " which means..." " Macrocytes." "Which is a hallmark of..." "Macrocytic anemia." "Bingo... macrocytic anemia." "Due to... a lack of vitamin B12, which I just confirmed with your bloodwork." "That's it!" "Wow." "I'd also like to run a couple more tests to determine the source of your bad attitude, but, physically, you're all good." "You have vitamin B12 neuropathy due to diet, which is often confused with spinal stenosis or diabetes." "All you need's a B12 shot, and..." "I don't know..." "eat more broccoli." "I hate broccoli." "Fine." "You could take a pill." "Or stop being one." "All right." "That's a good one." "You got me." "All right." "That's a good one." "You got me." " Don't push it, Park." " Copy." "Hello, Damona." "Okay." "You were right." "I wasn't handling Eric like an adult." "So I called him, and I told him it was over." "I-I'm sorry to hear that." "You're smiling." "Yeah, I smile when I'm sorry to hear things." "Also, I feel like..." "I owe you an apology." "I-I spun out 'cause..." "I was scared." "Of what?" "Of this, of us, of the fact that we tried this last year, and it didn't work." "And to be quite honest, Pat," "I wasn't really sure you were right for me." "But you were so supportive when I was having problems with Eric, and you've always been there for me." "And maybe... what I wanted was right in front of me the whole time." "Well, my feelings for you have never changed." "I've always just wanted you to be happy." "Thanks, Pat." "I think you're probably right, you know?" "Taking it slow is the best thing we could do." "So I'm gonna suggest that we sidebar the physical and just focus on the emotional." " Wow." " Mm-hmm." "Okay." " That is a very good plan." " Mm-hmm." " Very adult!" " Ah." "Later, we'll focus on the emotional." " Yeah, first thing tomorrow morning." " Yeah." "I, uh... just wanted to thank you again for helping me out." "Well, I'm just glad it wasn't something worse." "I appreciate it." "See you around." "Actually, Dr. Erwin, can I ask you something?" "No." "Fine." "Why did you always give me such a hard time?" "Because I knew you could handle it." "I knew you were good." "Good?" "You never gave me anything higher than a two." "Because that's where I thought you were at the time." "If I'd have given you a false five, it wouldn't motivate you to do better." "There are too many attendings that hand out fives like participation trophies, and this is not rec-league basketball." "This is medicine... life and death." "I had to push you to get you where you are." "And you got there." "I could have gone to any doctor, Park... but I chose you." "Me?" "Because I knew you could help me." "I could've been paralyzed, Park." "And thanks to you, I'm not." "Well, it's only 'cause I learned from the best." "Shut up!" "I guess I have been pretty hard on you over the years." "Sorry about that." "You know what?" "I'm finally gonna give you your five." "Um..." "Could I get that in writing?" "Thank you, sir." "Be well, Dr. Erwin." "You, too." "See you in a month or so." "Why?" "Because you're my doctor now..." "Dr. Park."