"Why, today is holy Christmas." "[actually he says something like 'hallowed Christmasness.']" "Yeah, but does it have to be today?" "Why not tomorrow?" "Not yesterday, not tomorrow, only today there'll be gift giving." "For me, Christmas was of importance and therefore, I wanted to have some tidiness in the rocket" "You're my robot." "When I say, clean up, you clean up." "Got it?" "I'm a sophisticated high-tech crew member and no janitor." "A sophisticatedly tinkered high-tech device?" "Don't make me laugh!" "Now you go cleaning up every corner, no matter how small." "Go on." "But in the stranger's garbage, I found a weird device." "With this device one could go to virtual places" "But I had no idea what this space was good for." "If I was in a virtual simulation space, why was there a vending machine with beverage cans?" "You're a crook." "But you won't get away with this." "Crook!" "That was the great diplomatic representative of the 'Terrakana' tribe, in full gala." "This is the Futurological Congress." "What else?" "I was astonished." "The tribes from all over the galaxy were assembled here." "Why do you think that your race should be admitted to the Futurological Congress - the cosmic counsel of the luminaries?" "Well, I'm a human." "And the human tribe is, err, very very wonderful." "The human tribe believes in fraternalism, in peacefulness, in scientificness and in musicalness." "But most importantly, the human tribe believes in perfect Creation by God." "and suddenly there were trials concerning the whole humanity and their membership in an assembly I have never heard of." "A long time ago, we already decided that humans can never become members, but let me refresh your memory and show you why." "You can see here, the evolution on jerkwater planet Earth." "After a very short development already, the first human condition evolved - the Debitales, also called 'Stupid-headed Ape'." "It won't get better with the next evolutionary step, but even worse." "and finally culminated in the worst of all cosmic fallacies - a completely bare bodied specimen - the 'Awful Hotspur'." "Hereby, I repeat that humans cannot be admitted to our assembly," "Because this wayward tribe from Earth simply throws its waste into cosmos and on our planet, for many years already." "What a misfortune!" "Why of all things did I throw my garbage on the foreign planet today?" "Quiet, please, please, please, please." "Show understanding that such accusations cannot be made without evidence." "Yes, I have evidence." "This primitive human over there indeed throws his waste on foreign planets." "If you don't believe me, here you have a picture of his rocket at this very moment." "That is your job, Mr. Tichy." "I only did my job - cleaning up - just like you wanted." "So, we will make a democratic election now" "You're now granted a last word to the assembly - as a representative of Earth." "So, go on." "I have a deep pain in my soul, because you have a wrong idea of Ijon Tichy." "Er, stop it, stop!" "I will admit it, I will admit it myself." "Please, I will tell the truth." "With this cold and the stinking goulash sludge, they accidentally started the tragic evolution on dead Earth." "We 'Terrakanians' are guilty for we livened the dead planet Earth." "This way the birth of a malformation in the cosmic circus started and the product only follows its innermost instincts when it throws its garbage on other planets, because it evolved in the exact same way." "As a compensation, I would like to admit them to the congress." "Please!" "I'm so sorry for this ugly creature." "This strange thing hit me on the head and I became unconscious." "But at least the rocket was clean now and the waste was gone." "Why, later people said, I only made up this story." "Bad people said, I had a weakness for alcohol, in which I indulge only covertly when I'm on earth, but when I'm on a long space journey unrestrainedly." "Only God knows all the rumours there are." "But that's how people are."