"Joey?" "my God." "Okay." "huh?" "I... ." "it's my good friend Ross!" "Joey." "you." "Ross." "I'm really more of a candy kind of guy." "You're weird today." "I wanted to talk to you about something." "I kind of need to talk to you too." "could you give us a minute?" "No." ""No. "" "look who's here." "Where's my granddaughter?" "I've been practicing my magic tricks." "He pulled a quarter out of my ear." "where's Mom?" "She went to pick up Aunt Liddy." "Aunt Liddy's coming?" "That means we get $5 each!" "So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this:" "wow." "Emma's in the nursery." "I'll take you now if you want." "But I really want to talk to you." "l know. I still need to talk to you." "I need to talk to you." "I need to talk to you." "And I need to talk to you." "About what?" "To see if you know what these guys are talking about." "The One Where No One Proposes" "Isn't she beautiful?" "my first grandchild." "What about Ben?" "Ben." "I meant my first granddaughter." "Have you thought any more about you and Rachel?" "actually I was gonna talk to her when you guys came in the room." "That's so exciting!" "Wow." "You could've done that with us there." "right." "Sure." "Okay." "but you can't talk to Rachel." "What?" "When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys?" "when you were asleep in the lounge." "That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV." "That reminds me." "That Mr. Hazmegian still has my Game Boy." "can I talk to you for a second?" "Sure." "I just did something terrible." "That was you?" "I thought it was Jack." "no." "That was Jack." "Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me." "What?" "Why does she think that?" "Because it kind of looked like I did." "what?" "I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand" "As we all are at some point during the day." "It wasn't my ring." "It fell out of Ross' jacket..." "Rachel thought I was proposing." "Ross had a ring?" "And he was gonna propose?" "l guess." "And you did it first?" "This is gonna kill him." "You know how much he loves to propose." "I know. I know. lt's awful." "what did she say?" ""Yes. "" "Does Ross know?" "my God." "What the hell am I gonna tell him?" "Maybe you don't have to tell him." "l like that." "Yeah." "Ross never needs to find out." "But you have to do it before he hears about it and kicks your ass." "let's not get carried away." "I want a baby." "we've been over this." "I need to be facing the other way." "it'll double our chances of getting pregnant." "l think that closet's still available." "l am so tired." "but no foreplay." "Deal!" "seriously!" "you really should see someone about that." "Noted." "I wanna go talk to Rachel for a minute." "Are you gonna be okay alone for a bit?" "Are you kidding me?" "I could stay and look at her forever." "Actually... ." "Hey." "Hi." "Are you all right?" "my God!" "He did it?" "What?" "Did you know he was gonna ask me?" "the one who talked him into it." "I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group." "And you really think this is a good idea?" "l just talked him into it." "Don't tell me I have to do you too?" "people." "Okay." "I don't know. lt just doesn't feel right." "Why?" "You two are so meant to be together." "Everybody thinks so." "Really?" "Even Ross?" "Especially Ross." "Pheebs." "You know what?" "I'll come back later." "Wow." "Kind of a full house here." "I guess I'll just-- l'll come back." "There he goes." "Your fiancé." "I guess so." "Although he does play with himself in his sleep." "I can't say I'm surprised." "what are you doing?" "There are people in there having sex." "It can't be me. I'm standing right here." "Wanna peek?" "No!" "Come on." "You know what?" "I don't like you without Mom." "Come on." "We're not peeking?" "I'm peeking." "my God!" "sir." "You know Monica." "is it okay to come in?" "Of course." "l-- lt's beautiful. I love it." "there's something I gotta tell you." "Hey." "Hi." "Emma." "Why do you think she won't take my breast?" "It's all right." "It takes babies a while to get it." "it'll happen." "Okay." "you can do it." "Just open up and put it in your mouth." "Dear Lord." "I think that-- look!" "She's pulling away again." "Do you think my nipples are too big for her mouth?" "She looks scared." "Doesn't she look scared?" "I don't really know her." "Why don't we try massaging the breast to stimulate the flow?" "Okay." "Are you kidding me?" "This is so frustrating." "Why doesn't she want my breast?" "I don't know!" "Maybe she's crazy!" "wait up." "Hi." "Congratulations." "I didn't want to say anything in front of Joey. I didn't know if he knew." "What?" "That we had a baby?" "Now let's give him a little credit." "Although he did eat a piece of plastic fruit earlier." "that you and Rachel are engaged." "it's a secret?" "Goody." "Yes!" "We haven't done the secret thing in a long time." "okay?" "I didn't propose." "Are you lying?" "is this like that time you tried to convince us you were a doctor?" "I am a doctor!" "You know what?" "I'm just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself." "me too." "let her sleep." "She's so exhausted." "And so engaged." "my God." "She thinks we're engaged!" "why would she think we're engaged?" "Perhaps because you gave her an engagement ring?" "doctors are supposed to be smart." "l didn't give her that ring." "You didn't?" "No!" "So whose ring is it?" "It's mine." "ls it an engagement ring?" "Yes." "But you didn't give it to her?" "No." "But you were going to propose?" "No!" "I might be losing interest in this." "my mom gave me that ring..." "... becauseshewantedme to propose to Rachel." "But all I wanted to do was see..." "kind of wanted to start things up again." "What beautiful lukewarm sentiment." "I didn't want to rush into anything." "It seemed like she didn't want to either." "But I don't understand how any of this happened." "assume I was gonna propose..." "... throwiton  and just start telling people?" "no." "She said you actually proposed to her." "I didn't!" "I didn't propose!" "Unless... ." "Did I?" "I haven't slept in 40 hours and... ." "It does sound like something I would do." "we can't stay in here forever." "I still can't believe that my dad saw us having sex." "but this he sees!" "This is okay." "We're all adults here." "There's nothing to be ashamed of." "let's put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door." "Dad." "right?" "Of course. I'll always be your dad." "that wasn't for fun." "why would you... ?" "I just don't want you to think..." "... thatwe'reanimalswho doit whenever we want." "I don't think that." "I never thought of you two having sex at all." "It was a simpler time." "we're trying." "we're trying to get pregnant." "this is so exciting." "get back in there!" "I'll guard the door!" "we can wait until later." "Whoa!" "I don't think so." "Aren't you ovulating?" "Daddy!" "princess." "When your mother and I were trying to conceive you..." "we did it!" "That's how I got my bad hip." "That's funny." "This conversation's how I got the bullet hole in my head." "and your mother was-- l don't think we need to hear the specific positions you and Mom had." "You're right." "This is about your positions." "what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position..." "... forconceivingachild." "Although it might feel good." "l don't feel good right now." "and it helps if the woman has an orgasm." "sailor?" "all over the wall." "I need to tell you something." "now's a good time." "I'm on my way to have my ears cut off." "Joey asked me to marry him." "What?" "Joey proposed to me." "I said yes." "are you crazy?" "You just had Ross' baby!" "it is worse than that. lt is wrong." "It is bigger than mine!" "thank you very much." "You can't marry him." "Why not?" "and he's such a sweet guy." "And he loves me so much." "do you love him?" "Sure." "whatever." "the question is..." "... doyoureallywanttomarry Joey?" "No." "I don't." "Could you be a dear and go tell him?" "You still haven't told Rachel you weren't proposing?" "No." "She had the ring on..." "and then she took her breast out." "you have to tell her what's going on." "And what did it look like?" "I didn't look at it." "The stupid baby's head was blocking most of it." "before Ross finds out." "it's not that easy." "She said she wanted to marry me." "I don't want to hurt her." "just do it gently." "You're right." "and I'll be gentle." "I can do that. I am a gentle person." "two people screwing in there if you want to check that out." "Hey." "Hey." "I heard about the engagement." "Surprised?" "And confused." "sweetie..." "... Ididn'tproposetoyou." "I know." "I don't think you do." "You didn't propose to me." "Joey did." "you're so tired." "I didn't propose to you." "Joey didn't propose to you." "And Chandler didn't propose to you." "You didn't propose to me." "Chandler didn't propose to me." "But Joey did." "Joey proposed to you?" "l can come back." "Wait." "Wait." "Wait." "did you propose to her?" "No." "I didn't." "why did you give me a ring?" "Wait." "and I did not ask her to marry me." "I didn't." "I didn't." "and don't you say you didn't!" "He was right there." "He got down on one knee and he proposed." "that looks bad." "But I didn't propose." "what did happen?" "and I went down to pick it up..." "... andyouthoughtIwasproposing." ""Will you marry me?"" "you did." "you didn't." "I tried..." "and then you took your breast out." "You saw her breast?" "I'll tell you about it later." "Be cool." "Then what the hell were you doing with an engagement ring?" "It wasn't my ring!" "It's Ross' ring." "because he was gonna propose." "What?" "!" "You were gonna propose to me?" "No." "this is awkward." "maybe you wanted to start dating again." "step up. I proposed." "you didn't." "and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier." "she just woke up." "She's hungry." "Why don't we give this another try?" "I can't believe you told her I was gonna propose." "I am not gonna rush into anything." "I totally understand." "I like to slow things down!" "my God!" "What?" "She's doing it!" "She's breast-feeding!" "It's beautiful." "l'll come back for her later." "Thank you." "good weird?" "Wonderful weird." "you guys?" "I'm gonna go too." "And I'm sorry about everything." "I should've told you sooner." "It's just that... ." "that kid is going to town!" "She's perfect." "We're so lucky." "We really are." "and I don't know where you are..." "I'm... ." "I know." "I've been feeling... ." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "well" "Then maybe at least we can talk about us again?" "Yeah." "Maybe." "good." "Okay." "if" "You're wearing the ring." "What's that?" "And you told Phoebe you were engaged." "what?" "When you thought Joey proposed..." "... didyousayyes ?" "I spoke to a doctor and picked up these pamphlets on how to get pregnant." "Dad." "Hi." "but could you pass my pamphlets back?" "Thank you." "Subtitles by sdl Media Group" "[english)" "You said you'd marry Joey?" "I was emotional." "I would have said yes to anybody." "Like that time when you and I got married." "I'm not helping." "and you just had our baby?" "the daddy gives the mommy a present." "But I am prepared to let that go." "So when I came here to see if you wanted to maybe start things up again..." "... youwereengagedtomybestfriend ?" "Well" "Really?" "I thought Chandler was your best friend." "Chandler's my oldest friend." "Joey's my" " No!" "I'm gonna take off." "I just wanted to say goodbye." "Rachel said she'd marry you?" "folks." "The One Where Emma Cries" "I don't want to be negative." "So I'll say most of the signs you bought are good." "they ran out of "lt's a Girl! " But I can fix this one." "See?" "Huh?" "So sexy." "Honey?" "Yeah?" "why don't you lie down?" "lt's okay." "and then I gotta go to the office." "Am I producing them?" "Why are you so tired?" "l couldn't sleep last night." "I started worrying about this big divisional meeting I have today." "the more I couldn't sleep." "I'll get six hours' sleep." "I'll get five hours' sleep. "" "I couldn't fall asleep." "You know what you should've done?" "Told yourself that little story." "Hi." "Hey." "Welcome home." "Hi." "Phoebe did the signs." "thanks for doing this." "Look at all that stuff people sent." "there's something every mother needs." "stuffed gorilla that takes up the entire apartment." "I love it." "so where's Ross?" "He's downstairs getting the stuff out of the cab." "you more than me." "I just had his baby." "That's not fair. I can't do that." "I'm not sure you should be here when he comes up." "I didn't think I should be here either." "But somebody said he'd be over it." "what do I know?" "I wanted to get a bigger gorilla." "New York and London are solid." "But many of our field offices have reported disappointing yields." "Boston is down." "Atlanta is down." "Houston is down." "I could go on and on." "But instead of boring you..." "... I'llgostraighttomy42-pointplan." "Walter." "She's just so cute." "I just want to bite her ear off and use it as a sucking candy." "Phoebe." "But I could take one of those little feet and put it in a pita pocket." "great." "The pacifiers?" "lt's in the cupboard." "The burping cloths?" "Linen closet." "The diapers?" "In the hospital." "I left the diapers at the hospital." "but I'll run out and get some more." "thanks." "Could you stop at the coffeehouse and get me a muffin?" "Sure." "What kind?" "Let me think." "What do I want?" "What do I want?" "not like..." "deciding to marry someone." "This is about a muffin." "Blueberry." "Blueberry it is." "Thank you." "is he?" "how long do you think that's gonna last?" "I don't know." "He got over the "We were on a break" thing quickly." "I can't worry about it right now." "Because I've got the cutie little baby." "I can't get enough of her." "right now?" "I miss her." "I actually miss her." "that's her?" "look at her sleeping." "I love her so much." "no." "you're never supposed to wake a sleeping baby." "I can do whatever I want." "I made her." "Emma." "Hello." "Hi." "but she's kind of doing that for me." "I'm sorry." "Mommy's so sorry." "Go back to sleep." "Go back to sleep." "doesn't it?" "lt really does." "How long do you think we have to stay?" "it's settled." "Chandler?" "Chandler?" "Yeah." "Are you on board?" "Yes." "then problem solved." "Chandler will run our office in Tulsa." "You're gonna love Oklahoma." "burping her... ." "Try this one. "Go back in time and listen to Phoebe. "" "here's something." "What?" "It says to try holding the baby close to your body..." "... andthenswingher rapidly from side to side." "Okay." "It worked!" "No." "Just stopped to throw up a little bit." "what am I gonna do?" "and it won't stop crying." "Rach." "Not it." "She." "Yeah. I'm not so sure." "no kidding." "this just proves no good can come from having sex with Ross!" "Gunther." "Can I get a couple of blueberry muffins to go?" "huh?" "Yep." "So I guess Rachel had your baby?" "Yep." "Can you believe it?" "Nope." "I can't even believe she slept with you in the first place." "like... ." "Hey." "but we have to talk about this." "we don't." "I didn't even do anything wrong." "What?" "You didn't do anything wrong?" "l said I didn't technically." "Okay." "Let's put aside the fact that you "accidentally" ..." "... pickedupmy grandmother'sringand you "accidentally" proposed to Rachel." "Can I just stop you there for a second?" "When people do this:" "I don't really know what that means." "You were saying?" "And I could even understand that you couldn't tell Rachel." "and you didn't." "I know. I should've." ""l'm sorry. "" "Joe." ""l'm sorry. "" "come on." "we have to get past this." "Give me the bag." "now... ." "Now you should scream at me or curse me or hit me." "l'm not gonna hit you." "You'll feel better. I'll feel better." "I can see it in your eyes." "l don't." "A little bit." "No." "Little bit." "No." "A little bit more." "hit me." "Hit me." "Give me the bag. I'm not kidding." "Hit me." "No." "Hit me." "Hit me." "Hit me!" "You ducked!" "l'm sorry!" "It was a reflex!" "my God!" "This really hurts!" "l couldn't help it." "you duck." "Look." "What is the matter with you?" "You were supposed to duck!" "Why didn't you?" "Let's talk on the way to the hospital." "they can check your reflexes." "Try feeding her again." "l already fed her." ""Again! "" "okay?" "That's just what she wants." "Hi." "Hey." "Can I talk to you outside?" "Just stay here." "you want to come?" "I'm kind of part of this." "it's a husband-and-wife kind of thing." "I knew I should've married Chandler." "what's up?" "Okay." "You know we said it would be fun to move to Paris for a year?" "and I could write..." "and go wine-tasting in Bordeaux." "Yeah." "Okay." "You know how people say that Tulsa..." "... istheParisofOklahoma?" "What?" "Who says that?" "People who have never been to Paris?" "what's going on?" "We're moving to Tulsa." "Excuse me?" "Okay." "she kind of works above my boss." "She asked me to move to Tulsa and be president of our office there." "And I was sleeping and apparently said yes." "Oklahoma?" "The Sooner State." "Whatever that is." "I don't even want to see the musical Oklahoma." "" "Surrey With the Fringe on Top"?" "Are you trying to tell me we're moving to Oklahoma or that you're gay?" "but did they at least offer you a huge raise?" "No." "But they are going to lease us a Ford Focus." "l'll get out of it." "Thank you." "What is wrong with Emma?" "She misunderstood." "She thought she was moving to Tulsa." "do you have a minute?" "I kind of have some bad news." "I don't think I can move to Tulsa." "actually." "I kind of fell asleep in the meeting this morning." "I didn't really know what I was saying." "You fell asleep?" "But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting." "Isn't that funny?" "Irony." "Not a fan?" "All right." "here's the thing." "and she won't go." "I love Tulsa." "Tulsa is heaven." "Tulsa is Italy." "Please don't make me go there." "Carol." "Can I call you Carol?" "Why would I when your name is Elaine?" "What a great picture of your son." "Strapping." "isn't it?" "she's lovely." "I like a girl with a strong jaw." "I'll call you from Tulsa." "Hey." "So how is it?" "l broke my thumb." "Your thumb?" "That's weird." "Are you sure you're punching right?" "Make a fist." "Maybe later." "I feel terrible." "you can go." "I just have to fill out some forms." "You want me to help you with that?" "does it look like I'm having trouble with my misshapen claw?" "Name?" "I know Ross." "But what's it short for?" "like Rossell." "Or Rosstrophor." "Just Ross." "It's pretty." "date of birth?" "You know my birthday." "Sure." "May... tember?" "October 1 8." "Occupation?" "Dinosaurs." "I'm a paleon-- Dinosaurs is fine." "The drawing is not." "who do you want as your emergency contact?" "I guess." "Okay." "Relationship?" "this could take a while." "Just put roommate." "Come on." "right?" "I don't think that we are." "But you two are supposed to be together." "I thought so too." "But then she said she'd marry you." "that didn't mean anything." "She'd just had the baby." "She was freaked out about doing it alone." "that's what she said." "So?" "So I don't want to be just anybody." "Wow." "You know what?" "It's better this way anyway." "going down that road again with us." "It's just much easier if we're just friends who have a kid." "Really?" "Yeah." "And you're okay with that?" "Yes." "That's what we always planned." "you should stick to it." "That's why they call them plans." "Hello?" "I'm fine." "for what it's worth..." "I don't think you'll ever be just "anybody. "" "there you go." ""Thanks. "" "my God." "How long has she been crying?" "About a week and a half." "so I'm just gonna go." "No?" "Really?" "Misery really does love company?" "All right." "I'm doing the best I can." "I'll try." "Fine." "Yes." "Okay." "Okay." "Here you go." "gosh." "Nothing works with this child!" "you guys?" "I can't even comfort my own baby." "you're just new at this." "You'll get better." "Think about your first day at work." "but you figured that out." "I don't think dressing provocatively is going to help me here!" "I'll take her." "Come on." "I have to go to the bathroom." "I have to go scream into a pillow." "Bouncy." "Bouncy baby." "Bouncy baby." "baby." "baby." "Have I gone deaf?" "baby." "You must be a fireball in bed!" "I can't believe it." "She's asleep." "I got her to go to sleep." "I have actual magical powers." "I can hear traffic and birds." "I can hear the voices in my head again." "I'm kidding." "my God!" "You got her to stop crying!" "super aunt." "I am." "You're never leaving the apartment." "Say what?" "I need you here." "you don't need me at all." "super aunt?" "See you later." "Rachel?" "Let's give it six to eight months." "I'm gonna go lay down." "What?" "I should be sleeping." "So... ." "Thank you." "Hey." "We just got her to go to sleep." "So there can't be any yelling?" "No." "We're moving to Tulsa." "What?" "I can't-- l can't hear." "Hey." "Hey." "Where have you been?" "What happened to you?" "l had a little thing with Joey." "you should see him." "this is not good." "We have to talk about this Joey thing." "Please sit." "you have got to get over this Joey thing." "okay?" "Okay." "really want?" "Rach?" "I wanna sleep." "I wanna eat." "I wanna take a shower." "and we gotta do this all over again." "because I got news for you." "Emma: not easy." "that's what I'm here for." "that's really okay." "got it." "it's not my fault." "lt's a natural instinct." "What are you talking about?" "what would you do if I did this?" "Subtitles by sdl Media Group" "[english)" "what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?" "Our news." "My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa." "I'm being officially relocated." "my God!" "What?" "Monday?" "How long do you have to go for?" "They said it could be up to a year." "do you have to go?" "don't I?" "Because of this stupid thing." "huh?" "you can't go to Tulsa." "but we have tickets to the Jets game next week!" "but I don't think I'll be able to make it." "But we were gonna go see the Jets!" "you're the glue that holds this group together." "Really?" "Not you." "I can't believe you guys are moving." "l call their apartment!" "No!" "The One With the Pediatrician" "Joey." "You know what?" "I'm not even sure I can have caffeine." "I went through this with Ben and Carol." "One coffee won't affect your milk." "I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener." "Every time?" "okay?" "Trust me. I know this." "All right. I trust you." "I can see you dialing." "I don't understand why-- l'm on the phone!" "Dr. Wiener?" "It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby. lt's just so grownup." "yeah." "I feel like we're all growing up." "that kills me." "you know what?" "you know?" "that whole thing with Rachel made me realize..." "you know?" "commitment-minded lady." "And looks aren't as important as... ." "she's gotta be hot." "I might know somebody." "and we double-date?" "I can do that." "Yeah." "How's Friday?" "Done!" "All right." "let's see." "All right." "You know who's great?" "Sandy Poopack." ""Poopack"?" "that rules out Lana Titwyler." "l've got good news." "You got out of the whole Tulsa thing?" "I have news." "You don't have to move to Tulsa." "You can stay here and keep your job." "That's great!" "How?" "My boss and I worked out a deal where l'm in Tulsa four days a week." "I can be here with you." "So you're gonna be gone four days a week?" "No." "are you just used to saying that?" "No. I can't be away from you for that long." "you're my husband." "I won't live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year." "That's fast math." "We could use you in Tulsa." "I go with you." "You said that without gagging." "I know!" "excuse me?" "up yours too!" "Who the hell was that?" "Dr." "Wiener." "you can't call people at 3:00 in the morning." "You know what?" "You sound just like his wife." "Was there anything even wrong with Emma?" "of course there is!" "Okay?" "I'm not insane." "What was it?" "Hiccups." "you can't call him every time any little thing comes up." "not anymore I can't." "He fired us!" "What are we gonna do?" "We have to find a pediatrician." "Monica said that when you guys were growing up..." "... youlikedyourdoctor." "What was his name?" "Dr. Gettleman?" "I don't think that's a good idea." "I think he's dead." "Why does everything happen to me?" "we'll find another doctor." "and I'm not feeling well." "You're not feeling well?" "What do you have?" "Rubella?" "she has not had that shot." "it does feel rubella-like." "Wiener!" "Wiener!" "Wiener!" "Wiener!" "Rachel!" "Great!" "Now he's gonna know it was me!" "So how is this for our big double date tonight?" "my God." "Great." "Just the reaction I was hoping for." "so you found someone for me?" "You didn't forget?" "Of course not." "And you'll love Mary Ellen." "She's really smart and cute and funny and... ." "but she is not opposed to threesomes." "All right." "So tell me something about my guy." "No." "give me something." "What's his name?" "what's his last name?" "Damn it!" "is there no mystery left in romance anymore?" "!" "We'll see you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours." "great." "See you." "Bye-bye." "Why'd I have to say Mike?" "I don't know a Mike!" "Why couldn't I have said... ?" "There's no guys in there!" "It's impossible to find a good doctor." "How do you know the good ones..." "... fromtheoneswho 'llpush their penis against your knee?" "Excuse me?" "I know what she's talking about." "we've gotta find a new pediatrician." "and Emma may have caught it." "Why don't you see Dr. Gettleman?" "Ross said he died." "He didn't die." "I just saw his daughter last week." "botched Botox." "I'm gonna take Emma to see him." "I wonder why Ross said that he died?" "Maybe he confused him with his childhood therapist." "He saw a therapist?" "He used to have a recurring nightmare." "It freaked him out." "what was it?" "That I was going to eat him." "Mike!" "Yeah?" "Okay." "I can't believe I'm doing this with you." "Although I did just end a nine-year relationship..." "... soI shouldbe open to taking some risks." "okay?" "All you have to do is pretend to be Mike." "l am Mike." "Attaboy." "Here they come." "l'm Phoebe." "Phoebe." "Mike." "How you doing?" "this is Mary Ellen Jenkins." "anyway?" "How do Joey and I know each other?" "If I had a nickel for every time somebody's asked me that." "From school." "We met in college." "I mean high school." "what are you up to these days?" "attorney at law!" "I just gave up my practice." "What?" "That's the kind of thing you usually run by me." "I never will." "Great. I like that better than the lawyer thing." "Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike." "You thought he was still a lawyer." "that's not what I meant." "Let's get you a cocktail." "What are you doing?" "Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa." "That's so sweet." "Did you find anything?" "huh?" "No." "Slim Pickins." "It's a barbecue joint." ""cook" may be a bit of a stretch." "They're looking for somebody to shovel mesquite." ""Slim Pickins"?" "That is so cheesy." "So Cheesy also has an opening." "Nancy..." "... who'sa restaurantbizheadhunter." "She may know something." "Can I say how much I appreciate you coming with me?" "I am taking you for a great dinner at Slim Pickins." "So Cheesy?" "Whole Hog?" "It's gonna be tough to keep kosher in Tulsa." "it's Monica Geller." "I'm looking for a job in Tulsa." "my husband's been relocated." "Because I love him." "I don't want a job in New York." "my God!" "my God!" "really flattering." "But I'm moving to Tulsa." "if you would tell Javu..." "... I'lltakeit !" "My name's Rachel Greene." "I have an appointment for Emma." "Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient." "He'll be out shortly." "I think you just have a cold." "It's definitely not strep." "doctor." "Would you like a lollipop?" "Do you even have to ask?" "He is alive!" "It's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long..." "... andI 'veneverheardaboutyou." "That's because we had a bit of a falling out." "Mike hit my mom with a car." "I didn't." "That's okay. I have forgiven you." "and everything's great." "wait. ls your mom okay?" "we're trying to have a conversation." "You're a lot nicer on Days of Our Lives." "Days of Our Lives!" "That's why you look so familiar!" "What?" "What?" "What?" "Do you not know each other?" "Of course we do." "He's playing a game we used to play in high school." "We pretend we don't know each other." "We played all kinds of games." "You remember that one where l punch you in the face for not being cool?" "Let me ask you something:" "How many sisters does Joey have?" "Six." "What are you doing?" "I said seven!" "why did you set me up with a stranger?" "Because I forgot about our date." "I'm so sorry." "I didn't hit his mother with a car." "You are unbelievable. I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you." "Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose." "Who are you kidding?" "You find some guy off the street for me?" "this is humiliating!" "I can find you a better one." "Mike?" "Mike?" "I'm out of here." "It was nice meeting you." "You're leaving too?" "l'll stay if you can tell me my name." "Have a good night." "and you still have a lot to pack." "You're right." "Maybe I shouldn't go." "What?" "Javu?" "But it's just a little outside of Tulsa." "how far outside?" "Manhattan?" "And you're thinking of taking it?" "you said that being with me was more important than any job." "new job." "I'm gonna miss this hand!" "I know this is a lot to ask..." "this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity." "What happened to "you can't live without me four days a week"?" "four days is not that long." "I see you Monday before you go to work..." "... andThursdaywhenyou get back..." "so really if you think about it..." "... it'sreallyjustone day ." "my friend." "l think you should take the job." "Really?" "I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey." "That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me." "How was the pediatrician?" "l really liked him." "really good." "You promised not to say anything." "l know." "Ross still sees his pediatrician!" "I don't care." "Are you serious?" "You still see Dr. Gettleman?" "He is a brilliant diagnostician!" "Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?" "you gotta go to an appropriate doctor." "okay?" "He knows my medical history." "he makes a big deal." "it's my favorite patient. "" "Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your tushy?" "I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college." "That was not a security blanket." "That was a wall hanging." "It didn't spend much time on the wall!" "Excuse me." "Hi. I was hoping to run into you." "Can we talk?" "Sure." "really." "I'm so embarrassed..." "... thatour... ." "I'm a pretty nice guy." "Just ask my parole officer." "I'm not a funny guy." "why did you go along with that?" "which I didn't." "which I did." "That's true." "is anything you told me about yourself true?" "My name is Mike." "And I do play piano." "Prove it." "There isn't a piano here." "That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist." "Okay." "You are really good." "l play a little guitar myself." "Really?" "That's great." "you know?" "But right now I'm working on a couple lron Maiden covers." "I could... ." "ask me out." "sometime I could take you out?" "You just caught me off guard." "that would be nice." "Look at this!" "My two best friends!" "Excuse me." "I don't mean to be a jerk..." "... butthebabywiththerash came in after me." "sir." "I can't find Waldo." "the circus?" "He's behind the elephant." "Wow." "So your child's a big fan of the Waldo books too?" "that's how I know." "I'm Sally." "So no ring." "Can I assume you're also a single parent?" "isn't it?" "There's no time for a social life." "Where are you gonna meet someone?" "you met someone in the pediatrician's office." "Rossie?" "We're ready for you." "Yeah... ." "Ross Jr." "It's time to go in." "Mommy." "what's wrong with that man?" "I helped you find Waldo!" "you haven't left yet." "Where have you been?" "I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office." "There was some guy that freaked everybody out." "buddy." "man." "Promise to call me when you land?" "Of course I will. I love you." "I love you too." "people." "We got a baby over here." "Chandler." "Bye." "honey." "Bye." "Joe?" "l'm mad at you for leaving." "you're nothing but a big leaver." "A big leaver with a stupid suitcase." "Any chance you're trying to pick a fight to make all of this easier?" "you see right through me!" "Mon." "Ross." "Rachel." "bye-bye." "my God." "Wait." "It goes old job..." "... newjob..." "... andyou." "This is just something I have to do." "I know." "I love you so much." "I know that too." "Don't worry." "I'll be back before you know it." "it will be the same." "that's how." "I promise." "You double promise?" "Call me when you land." "bye." "Joey!" "He had to board." "Subtitles by sdl Media Group" "[english)" "Ross." "I'm so glad someone's here." "Could you zip me up?" "Sure." "Thank you." "Can you believe no one between my apartment and here..." "... offeredtodo thatfor me?" "People." "So why are you so dressed up?" "Mike's picking me up for a date." "How's that going?" "is it getting serious?" "I like him." "But am I ready to take my Grade A loins off the meat market?" "I'm not quite sure." "I really admire your whole dating attitude." ""ls this moving too fast?" "is this moving too slow?" "Where's this going?"" "I know." "You are a bit of a drama queen." "You're so much better off." "You just go from guy to guy having fun..." "... andnotworryingthatit never turns into anything serious." "I wouldn't say "never. "" "there is that guy." "what about... ?" "there's gotta be someone." "you're right!" "all ready for the next date." "I can't believe I never realized this before." "and I've never been in a long-term relationship." "what's wrong with me?" "There's nothing wrong with you." "you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married." "I want to get married!" "please-- Please don't cry because of me." "okay?" "I've been divorced three times." "At least you've been married." "my God!" "I want to trade lives with Ross?" "!" "Phoebe." "What's wrong?" "Nothing. I'm excited about our date." "this is Mike-- l didn't catch that." "Mike Hanigan." "Ross Geller." "Hey." "So are you sure you're ready to go?" "How do I look?" "Do you have a compact in your purse?" "No." "You look great." "The One with the Sharks" "Joey." "This girl won't turn around." "I can't tell if she's hot or not." "What do you think?" "I am not going to objectify women with you." "But if her face is as nice as her ass... ." "Mama!" "All right." "Thanks." "Have you talked to Chandler?" "He has to stay in Tulsa this weekend." "How come?" "l don't know." "He has to work." "There's some big rush on the... ." "Damn it. I'm gonna have to start listening when he talks about his job." "Why don't you fly out there and surprise him?" "Maybe I will go." "We'll have a little second honeymoon at the Tulsa Ramada." "You should bring your black see-through teddy with the attached garters." "How do you know I have one of those?" "Didn't until just now." "Hot." "Not hot." "Hot!" "Excuse me?" "I said that I think you're hot." "And... nowI 'membarrassed." "I thought you said "hi. "" "That would've been better." "I'm Joey." "I'm Hayley." "I don't normally ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses." "Gesundheit." "But-- -l would love to go out with you." "Really?" "Great." "Did l--?" "Did I actually ask you?" "That's just where you were going." "I figured I'd help you out." "You don't seem like the kind of guy who does this a lot?" "You should see someone about that cold." "you could die." "it was awful." "I cried." "So he hasn't called?" "Would you call this girl:" ""Thanks for... alovely... evening"?" "Now I feel terrible." "This is all my fault." "You know what you should feel terrible about?" "This could have been my serious guy." "He was sweet and smart and funny." "You know how hard it is to meet a guy like that?" "We are a rare breed." "What a great dinner." "Thanks again for letting me have that last piece of cake at the restaurant." "You're welcome again." "I'm gonna go make some coffee." "Can I get you anything?" "Do you have any cake?" "So this is going pretty good." "Dinner was nice." "We've got a lot in common." "Victoria 's Secret." "We even like the same books." "There's a scary painting." "Wait a minute." "I think I've been scared by that painting before." "You know what?" "This whole place looks familiar." "I have defiýnitely been in this apartment." "I know I've seen this weird plant before." "It did that the last time!" "my God." "I've gone out with this girl before." "Yeah!" "We had sex on this couch!" "and-- No." "we didn 't do it here... because it seems like a perfectly good place." "That's why." "Mike." "Sorry to just drop by like this." "Can I come in?" "Sure." "Who are you?" "I'm Ross." "Phoebe's friend from the coffeehouse?" "really need to talk to you about something." "Unless... ." "are you?" "you have that look." "Damn Supercuts!" "yeah." "Phoebe is great." "But... ." "okay?" "I accidentally got her all upset." "That's why she was weird." "Yes. I said something stupid about her never having had a serious relationship." "she is so much fun." "A wonderful person." "don't blow her off." "l'm not gonna blow her off." "I just spoke to her." "We're going out tomorrow night." "stranger from the coffeehouse." "I didn't need to bother you." "You or the four other Mike Hanigans I bothered." "Wait." "Wait." "Wait." "Wait." "is that true what you said?" "Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?" "Of course she has." "If she's never had a serious relationship..." "... doyouthinkI'd go around broadcasting it..." "... likesomekind of unstoppable moron?" "I did." "And I will also say..." "... whatI 'maboutto say..." "... vis-à-vis..." "... thefollowing." "Phoebe has never had a serious relationship..." "... since..." "... hersuper-seriousrelationship..." "... with..." "... Vikram." "Vikram?" "What?" "That's a real name." "Stop it!" "Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas?" "Seven o'clock." "Maybe I'll hit the gym." "Who am I kidding?" "Pay-per-view porn." "Do not disturb!" "Do not disturb!" "Surprise!" "Monica?" "ls everything all right?" "everything's great." "I was just..." "... watchingsome regular television there." "What a pleasant surprise." "honey." "That was close." "it's me." "and I caught him..." "... molestinghimself." "That couldn't have been pretty." "guys do that." "the weird part is..." "... hewasgettingoff ..." "to a shark-attack show!" "No!" "Yes!" "Chandler watches shark porn!" "While watching sharks?" "Yeah." "Are you sure that's what he was doing?" "You know how many times I've seen him jump up like that?" "I know what he was doing." "Man!" "Sharks!" "I always knew there was something weird about that dude." "You promised to love him no matter what." "if he gets a disease or kills someone." "Not if he gets his jollies to Jaws." "honey?" "Guys are just different." "They like things that we can't understand." "I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend..." "and I was this..." "... naughtycavewoman who he unfroze from a block of ice." "Are you talking about my brother?" "did I?" "Hey." "Hi." "I went out with this girl last night." "Halfway through our date I realized..." "... Ialreadysleptwithher." "and now you're going around again?" "That's not even the weird part." "She didn't remember sleeping with me!" "You don't remember sleeping with her." "But she should remember sleeping with me. I am very memorable!" "You guys know." "How do we know?" "We've never slept with you." "And whose fault is that?" "she forgot." "Maybe you were having an off night." "Hey!" "I never have an off night." "Okay?" "I don't feel that sexy." "I'm better than most!" "why don't you just let it go and ask her out again?" "you don't remember who you slept with." "You're made for each other." "Interesting." "I'll go out with her again and I'll try to get past it." "No salt!" "Bloaty!" "Joey?" "What?" "do you?" "No." "what was the Little Mermaid?" "It's open!" "Hey." "Mike called!" "We're going out again!" "Quick thing." "I went to talk to Mike." "What?" "Ross?" "boy." "You got mad at that part." "to tell him how... ." "How great you are." "But... ." "you know me." "Blah-blah-blah." "And I ended up telling him that... ." "What?" "You had a six-year-long relationship..." "... witha guynamedVikram." "What?" "Why?" "he seemed..." "... tobumhardwhenItoldhimyou 'd never been in a serious relationship." "If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend..." "... Iswearto Lucifer..." "... arabiddogwouldbefeasting on your danglers right now!" "I think you'll feel differently when you know..." "... alittlebitaboutVikram." "he's a... ." "He's a kite designer." "And he used to date Oprah." "Ross." "l'm just gonna be honest with him." "Good." "Just be honest with him." "l have nothing to be ashamed of." "No." "So I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer than a month." "Okay?" "I haven't had a real boyfriend." "then he can leave." "Which he will." "that's okay." "So I'll just be alone forever." "all right." "It'll be fine. lt'll be fine." "I'll go on walking tours with widows and lesbians." "l'll get it." "Okay." "I'm trying to remember the last time I opened a door and you weren't there." "are you okay?" "Yeah." "There's just... ." "There's something you should know." "Vikram just called." "So it was really a shock after 25 years of marriage..." "... myparentsgettingdivorced." "I took it the hardest..." "... becauseI wastheyoungest." "Sure." "Yeah." "How can you not remember me?" "What?" "How could you not remember that we slept together?" "What?" "When?" "l don't know!" "really think I would remember sleeping with you." "all right?" "It was..." "... acertainamountoftime ago." "I was here." "You were here." "here... ." "Not there." "it's not ringing any bells." "woman!" "How many people have you been with not to remember this?" "Hayley." "We really gotta fix that doorknob." "Joey?" "I slept with you!" "I still got it!" "So we're good." "I'll let myself out." "Vikram..." "... youcan'tjustcall every time you get lonely." "You gave up that right when you slept with Rachel. "" "Rachel?" "I thought she just had a baby with Ross." "well... ." "Yeah." "But Emma's birth certificate might say "Geller" ..." "... buthereyessay "Mukherjee."" "he's a glue sniffer?" "and my heart goes to him." "that bastard is one smooth-talking freelance kite designer." "I think there's somebody better out there for you." "but... ." "Maybe... me." "And you don't have to worry about glue-sniffing with me." "I do smell the occasional Magic Marker." "I just... ." "I think I can make you happy." "I can't do this." "What's wrong?" "there is no Vikram." "Ross made him up." "Because I... ." "I really never have been in a long-term relationship." "I've never lived with a guy. I've never even celebrated an anniversary." "So... ." "If that's too weird for you..." "I understand." "I'll close my eyes to make it less awkward." "You kissed me." "You don't think I'm a total freak?" "No." "Well... ." "can I... ?" "Can I think you're a little weird and also cool..." "... fortellingme thetruth and also want to kiss you?" "I guess so." "Can I think it's cool that you kissed me..." "... andalsowanttokiss youagain ?" "And be a little concerned about the Magic Markers?" "Definitely." "This is Vikram." "I'm home." "Hi." "How was your flight?" "lt was great." "Why don't you sit down." "Get yourself comfortable." "Because I have a little..." "... surpriseforyou." "well." "It must be 5:00 in Tulsa..." "... becauseit's"sexo'clock"inN.Y.C.!" "Okay." "This is how much I love you." "The great white...." "Honey?" "Why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around?" "is this--?" "is this not the good part?" "Do you want me to fast-forward to something... toothier?" "that's all." "This is the only one they had at our video store." "Though they did have something called Crocodile Killers." "Or does it always have to be sharks?" "Does what always have to be sharks?" "we can do something else." "Do you want me to get into the tub and... thrash?" "What's going on?" "lt's okay. lt's okay." "I still love you." "Let me be a part of this." "Let me be a part of this!" "I saw what you were doing in Tulsa." "Angry sharks turn you on!" "they don't." "Then why were you watching them and giving yourself a treat?" "I switched the channel." "I was just watching regular porn." "Really?" "girl-on-girl action." "Can I tell you how happy that makes me?" "You are an amazing wife." "you are amazing." "You were actually gonna do this for me?" "Where do you find the strength and the understanding for that?" "very drunk right now." "but my confidence is shaken." "Did I sleep with her?" "Did I not sleep with her?" "about your whole dating attitude." "You're in your 30s and you have never been in a long-term relationship." "Here you go from woman to woman..." "... meaninglessexperience to meaningless experience." "Never even worrying that it doesn't turn into something more serious." "You're right. I love my life!" "I actually did sleep with her." "Subtitles by sdl Media Group" "[english)"