"§ Happy Birthday to you §" "§ Happy Birthday to you §" "§ Happy Birthday, dear Helen §" "§ Happy Birthday to you §" "Happy Birthday!" " What do you think?" " Do you like it?" " Oh, my God!" "Happy Birthday!" "Happy Birthday, Helen." "Happy Birthday." "Isn't it gorgeous?" "Did you make this yourself?" "Yes." "Darling, it's gorgeous." "Make a wish, Mom." "Help!" "Thank you, sweetheart." "Just one." "A short one." "Let's eat!" "§ Everything I have is yours §" "§ You're part of me §" "§ Everything I have is yours §" "§ My destiny §" "§ I would gladly give the sun to you §" "§ If the sun were only mine §" "§ I would gladly give this earth to you §" "§ And the stars that shine §" "§ Everything that I possess I offer you §" "david:" "If I shoot those guys out there and plead temporary insanity, would you corroborate my story, huh?" "Oh, shit." "Hmm?" "The alarm didn't go off." "Come on." "Hmm?" "It's almost 8:00." "Mm-hmm." "Julie has a test in her first period." "Where's your tie?" "I don't know." "And I can't take her." "I have this stupid early faculty meeting." "David!" "I'm up!" "I'm up!" "Wake up!" "Wake up." "Wake up." "Mm-hmm." "We gotta go, darling." "Everyone is gonna be there." "I already told Brian I could go, and if I back out now, he's gonna think I'm a chicken." "Good morning." "You know how hard it is to get a reservation at Claire's this time of year." "Hey!" "I slept just fine." "I thought you'd be thrilled." "Thank you, thank you." "But you never said you made plans." "It was supposed to be a surprise." "Hey, who cleaned up?" "But...." "I did." "But that is not the point." "When?" "The point is, I never said that you could go away for the weekend either." "You're crazy." "I would have helped." "Dave did." "Is that true?" "Somebody was supposed to tell you." "Well, I forgot!" "Well, you're not going, and that's that." "Great!" "Thanks a lot!" "But if you think I'm going to Claire's with you instead, think again!" "She has to be in school in seven seconds." "You gotta go." "Hello?" "Can I help you?" "I was just...." "What are you doing here?" "Well, I can..." "ask you that question." "Nobody's supposed to be here this time of night." "So what are you still doing here?" "Aren't you in my music theory class?" "I just..." "I can't... get it right." "Nothing I play sounds adequate, not a single note I play." "Well, it's not your notes that are wrong." "But you need to slow down." "Try to... pay more attention to what happens in between the notes." "Try to hold on to time." "What do you mean?" "Suspension." "Silence." "That's where you'll find what you're looking for." "In the distance between things." "And you really shouldn't be smoking in here." "Let me know when you want to go." "I'll let you out." "No need to climb out the window." "I don't see it coming." "But I can feel it." "It's there." "Hey, Helen." "Hi, Donna." "So you think they'll read your brief, withdraw the suit, and send us a written apology?" "Or a fruit basket." "Oh!" "Helen's here." "Hey, love." "Thank God you're here." "You gotta save me from this man." "He thinks he's invincible." "What are you doing here?" "Huh?" "Well..." "Actually, I was nowhere near this neighborhood, and I just thought I'd stop by and say hi." "But you are so busy." "I'm sorry, I should have called first." "No, no, no, it's perfect." "We're gonna go to lunch in a few minutes." "Why don't you come with us?" "Yeah." "No, thanks." "I'm not hungry." "You don't have to eat." "Just join us." "You know, I " "I really should go home and get out of these clothes." "You sure?" "Yeah." "Absolutely." "I just wanted to stop by and say hi." "I'll see you later." "All right." "See you, Suz." "Take care, honey." "Hello, everyone." "After I've returned your essays, we'll discu" "We will...." "Excuse me." "I'm going to bed." "Sleep tight, sweetheart." "Okay." "Straight answer -- did you like dinner?" "It was... incredible." "Yeah, okay." "Whatever that means." "Good night." "Helen?" "I love this car." "I know you do." "Are you going to let me in on your secret?" "What makes you think I have a secret?" "Don't you?" "Not with you." "What is it, honey?" "It's nothing." "I'm just tired." "I'm just really tired." "That's all." "It's nothing." "I always hate the beginning of the semester." "Come on, let's go inside." "Have you eaten?" "Yeah." "Julie tried her very first carbonara sauce." "It was scary." "Are you okay?" "What are you doing here, honey?" "Why aren't you at school?" "I was at school." "What time is it?" "It's 4:15." "Jesus..." "I must have slept like a rock." "Can you -- can you please help me with this math?" "I really need to get this done before I leave." "Yeah." "Just give me a minute." "Do you want me to call Dad to come and pick me up?" "No." "Of course not." "I'm taking you." "I'm not going on a world trip, Mom." "I'll be back in three weeks." "I know." "Okay." "Go, Mom!" "Hey, Dad!" "Hey, gorgeous!" "How'd it go?" "Good." "Come here." "All right, get in there." "Okay." "Dad, come here!" "I want to show you something!" "Dad!" "All right." "No, I don't think that she should try and work things out with him." "I think that she should pack her bags, take the kids, move back to California, and sue the hell out of him until he doesn't have a pot to piss in anymore." "Mm-hmm." "You sure you want to go out with this woman?" "Oh, no." "Excuse me." "He is like the biggest fucking cliché on the block, okay?" "First of all, he sleeps with every assistant he's ever had," "lies to Louise about it for three and half years, and then he makes her feel guilty for not being there for him." "Like now it's her fault that he sleeps around" "like some fucking... dog in heat." "I thought only female dogs go into heat?" "Don't they?" "What do male dogs do?" "It's a permanent condition for them that doesn't require a name." "Susanna, remind me -- when exactly did we lose the ability to have a civilized conversation?" "Excuse me." "I didn't bring this up." "Yes, you did." "I did?" "No, I didn't." "Yeah, you made a reference to...." "We believe that life can be perfect." "So we are always miserable because it never is." "Whereas they believe that even under the best of circumstances," "life could maybe be improved." "So what are you saying?" "That we should lower our expectations to a point that they're already met?" "No, I think she's saying we should go to Europe more often." "Yeah!" "But you don't need to go back, David." "There's no room for improvement in his life." "He loves his life." "lsn't that disgusting?" "Mm-hmm." "Somebody should sue me." "I will." "Now there's a job." "That might be a dare." "Helen, are you still in there?" "Helen?" "Excuse me." "Um, have you seen my wife?" "Helen?" "!" "Helen!" "What the fuck is going on?" "What are you doing here?" "Huh?" "Sorry, I didn't feel well." "What's wrong?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "It's nothing." "Nothing?" "You disappeared without saying a word to us." "I'm sorry." "I should have said something." "Listen, David, it doesn't have anything to do with you." "Is there someone else?" "Is there?" "Wait a minute." "Is that what this is all about?" "You're suspecting me of fucking around?" "No." "Of course not." "Then what is it?" "What's so awful that you won't tell me?" "I'm sorry." "Sorry for what?" "Helen, I used to know everything about you." "For better or for worse, remember?" "Come on, honey." "T alk to me." "What's going on?" "Stop it!" "Please!" "Please stop interrogating me." "Helen?" "Jesus Christ." "Helen!" "Hey." "Oh, God!" "Helen!" "David?" "Hey, honey." "Hey." "Mr. Leonard?" "How is she?" "Well, there's nothing physically wrong with your wife." "I've notified Dr. Barnes." "He's the neurologist on call." "I don't understand." "You just said there's nothing -- there's nothing wrong with her." "You'll have to wait for Dr. Barnes." "Give me the goddamn time of day, will you?" "She was practically unconscious." "It seems the problem is psychiatric." "What the hell are you talking about?" "There's no physical cause for her symptoms." "Look, this is...." "You know what?" "I want a second opinion, all right?" "Well, I am the second opinion." "Please wait for Dr. Barnes." "Do you suffer from insomnia or hypersomnia?" "Less sleep or more than usual?" "She hasn't slept through the night in a while, but she's always been a light sleeper." "Have you been in a depressed mood almost all the time for more than two weeks?" "Helen?" "Almost." "Do you have a marked diminished interest in nearly every aspect of your life?" "Have you had considerable weight loss or gain without a change in diet?" "She lost some weight, yes." "Are you unable to concentrate or think clearly?" "Mrs. Leonard, can you answer my questions?" "Have you been here before?" "No." "Has anyone ever prescribed you--?" "Yes." "Pardon?" "I've been here before." "When?" "12 years ago." "How long have you been married?" "Um, seven years." "So I understand you had no knowledge of this prior episode." "How come I didn't see this coming?" "It's not unusual." "Some people can hide it well." "You should meet some of the clowns we have on suicide watch." "I'm going to prescribe her an antidepressant, and Ativan to control anxiety." "But it'll take at least two weeks before she feels a response to the antidepressants." "Now, in some cases, the side effects can be quite uncomfortable, but they tend to subside after about two to four weeks." "What kind of side effects?" "Oh, it varies." "Nausea, drowsiness, night sweats, constipation, diarrhea, blurred vision, thirst." "Make sure she doesn't drink alcohol, and it's very important that she stays with the medication on a regular basis." "Helen is a... a happy, successful woman." "She loves her job." "She loves her daughter." "Your wife is not unhappy, Mr. Leonard." "Your wife is ill." "Let's go home, love." "Come on." "Helen." "Please." "No." "They don't help." "It's too early to tell, you know that." "They just make it worse." "That's supposed to be temporary." "Thank you." "How come we never talked about this?" "Hmm?" "You don't want to hear it." "Try me." "I can't." "I'm sorry." "I want you to get these books for me and cancel my lunch meeting with Lucas." "And tell him also that I want to continue the trial date." "He'll smell a rat." "Let him smell it." "What do you need these for?" "Just do it, okay?" "!" "Uh, send them to my home address please." "What's going on, David?" "I'm gonna take a few days off." "Oh, man." "So will I when this is over." "We'll deserve it." "I mean now." "Wait..." "Today?" "Yes." "What, are you out of your mind?" "!" "We're on the eve of trial!" "We'll move for a continuance." "On the trial date?" "!" "What if the judge denies it?" "!" "You can handle it!" "I'll call you tomorrow night." "Helen." "Stay away from me!" "Don't come--!" "Hey, I'm not going to touch you, okay?" "I'll just sit here, okay?" "David." "I'm right here, baby." "Right here." "I can't--!" "I can't do this anymore!" "I will prescribe her a different medication." "But as long as she refuses to be hospitalized...." "Don't you see how sick she is?" "I'm scared to let her out of my sight." "At this point, I can only help your wife if she wants to be helped." "That's the law." "I know the law!" "But my wife is sick, and you're telling me you can't help her." "You're forgetting that these laws are designed to protect people like your wife, Mr. Leonard." "I need you to sign this." "It states that you're leaving against medical advice." "Helen." "Please." "All right, so I'll take you to your room now." "It's just right down this way." "Hey." "Hey." "Um, can I talk to you for a minute?" "You want to come in?" "No, I don't want Julie to know I'm here." "Can we go someplace else?" "She was ready and willing to abandon her one-year-old daughter, David." "That's not exactly something a mother is happy to share." "If Julie hadn't woken up crying that night, then Helen wouldn't be alive today." "She never forgave herself for that." "What about you?" "What'd you do?" "I never had a chance." "She shut me out from the start." "Wouldn't talk about it." "I tried to fight it, and just ended up fighting her." "And I lost." "End of story." "Never talked about it later." "I tried, she wouldn't have it." "Just pretended it never happened." "And then she moved on without me." "I'm not gonna let that happen." "Don't be a jerk, David." "You think this is about love?" "It isn't." "There is nothing you can do." "I don't believe that." "Hey, it's okay." "Don't be scared." "It's okay." "You're a great teacher, you know." "I'll never teach again." "You're not gone, Helen." "You're just lost." "Hey!" "Hello?" "!" "Hold on a second." "Jesus, Mathilda." "Come on, let's go." "Let's get you cleaned up." "Hey." "Hi." "What happened with her?" "She's in my class." "She was in my class." "I have class today." "I took care of it." "Don't worry." "I called in sick for you." "I should be in class." "Helen, look at me." "If you don't want to be here, tell me." "I'll take you home right now." "How's Julie?" "Have you talked to her?" "She's good." "She's coming home on Saturday." "She sends her love." "I don't want her to know why I'm here." "Tell her I have a virus or something." "Nothing too serious." "You can't keep it a secret from her." "She's not a little kid anymore." "I don't want her to know why I'm here." "Well, then you have to keep her away from you." "I'll be fine." "I'll handle it." "Helen..." "I told her." "She asked me, and I told her." "You had no right to do that!" "Do you understand?" "!" "All right." "That's enough, Helen." "She's my daughter!" "She's not even your daughter!" "Oh, you had no right to do that!" "I don't want you to talk to my husband about me." "I'm sorry, Dr. Sherman." "It's all right, Susan." "If..." "I...." "If -- if I don't allow it, you can't talk to him about me, right?" "That's right." "If I don't want him...." "If...." "If I don't want you to talk to him, you won't?" "Why don't you sit down?" "Where are you going?" "Why do I have to tell you that?" "You don't have to tell me that." "Good." "Yes, yes, yes!" "Mom!" "I'm so glad you're here." "Me too, darling." "We kicked some serious butt on Saturday, yes." "And David taped the whole thing, so we can watch it later." "You should lay down and rest a bit." "Yes!" "And I'll cook for us, and then we can watch the game, okay?" "I have an idea." "How about the three of us go away next weekend?" "I'm sorry, sweetheart." "I can't." "Come on, Mom." "Why not?" "I have a better idea." "Why don't the two of you go?" "Huh?" "That'd be fun." "No, I want us all to go." "We'll all stay here." "I have homework." "Come on, Sugar." "So if you consider these principles, Schubert's sonata...." "It would have amounted to something like...." "This is bullshit!" "That will be all for today." "I don't want to talk." "Okay." "You're doing better." "Yeah, well, I decided to be a good girl for a while." "Top five worst pieces of advice from people who don't know what they're talking about." "Take a vacation." "Read a book." "Get a haircut." "Redecorate." "Try yoga." "Top five ways of killing yourself." "Top five reasons to live anyway." "I can't go back." "I can still see it all around me, but it's like I don't belong there anymore." "And I see...." "I see how sad it makes David." "And I see... how sad it makes Julie, and that makes it that much harder, but I can't go back." "And I am really sick of apologizing for it." "Then don't." "Do you have any idea how worried I was?" "!" "I called everyone!" "I'm sorry, David." "I called the hospitals!" "Can you even begin to imagine what I thought happened to you?" "!" "I didn't realize how late it got!" "Hey, you're not the only one suffering here!" "Do you understand?" "!" "I know." "You know?" "I don't think so." "I don't think you know what it's like to live with the shadow of the woman you love!" "Fuck!" "Don't ever do that again." "David." "No!" "David, I'm sorry." "Not ever, you hear me?" "Hey, 13." "Hey." "I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to spend the night at Dad's." "Why?" "It's only Thursday, isn't it?" "Yes, it's Thursday." "I just wanted to give you and Dave some space." "You don't need to do that." "You know that, don't you?" "I'm gonna go." "I'll see you Monday." "I don't know." "That fucking son of a bitch!" "Oh, no, David, don't bother." "What happened?" "Why didn't you file my suppression motion with the judge?" "!" "Look, man, I'm sorry, but I've got enough shit on my plate, all right?" "Last thing I need is having to do all your bullshit pro bono work." "I just asked you to do this one thing for me, and you" "No, it's not one thing!" "It's one thing after another, and I'm sick of it!" "Clean up your own shit, and leave me out of it." "You've been nothing but a fuckup lately, David." "Hey, watch it!" "She didn't have to go to jail, Dan." "Who gives a fuck?" "!" "You know what?" "Let's just go." "Hey, don't you care at all about this?" "What?" "About your little junkie piece of ass?" "No, I don't." "Let her do her time." "Maybe she'll get" "David!" "Stop it!" "David, no!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "David!" "No!" "Thanks for the ride." "You're welcome." "I wish that there was something that I could do for you, David." "I know." "Good night, Susanna." "Good night." "What are you doing here?" "Helen called me." "What happened?" "Don't worry." "She'll be all right." "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't smoke in here." "Hey." "I'm gonna go now." "No, please don't go." "It's okay." "We'll talk tomorrow." "I, um..." "I've given her three valiums." "She's had enough for tonight." "Make sure she doesn't take any more." "I'll let myself out." "I need to take another sick leave." "No." "Of course." "I understand." "Yes." "I will." "Thanks." "Mom!" "I'm so sorry, darling." "Frank." "Julie, I want to, uh, speak to your mother alone for a moment please." "You want me to call someone?" "Where's David?" "I want Julie to come and live with me." "What?" "She should stay with me for a while." "Please don't do this, Frank." "You can't take care of her." "And don't fight me on this." "You'll lose." "God, you're so lovely." "Helen!" "Helen!" "Wake up!" "Hey!" "Helen!" "Helen!" "Oh, goddamn it!" "Helen!" "Helen, come on!" "Come on, honey!" "Wake up!" "Hey, hey!" "Wake up!" "Helen!" "Helen!" "Helen!" "Come on!" "Mrs. Leonard?" "Where are you going, Mrs. Leonard?" "Where are you going?" "I want to go home." "You can't just leave." "Excuse me?" "You can't leave." "You're on restriction." "Excuse me?" "Why don't I take you back to your room, and I can get the doctor." "Where are my clothes?" "You weren't wearing any when you were brought here." "I want to go home." "I'm sorry, but that's not possible." "Your husband had you committed the day before yesterday." "I want to go home." "Helen..." "You almost died." "I'm sorry." "You don't need to apologize to me." "I almost didn't go home that night." "But you did." "I didn't want to go home." "You did go home, David." "She can't hold on to you." "It doesn't work like that." "Can she hold on to you?" "No." "You're not going to like what I have to say." "I think you should consider ECT." "Shock treatment?" "I know it's scary." "And I know the stigma." "But ECT could help you." "And the side effects are most likely to be temporary." "No." "Never." "I'd rather die." "Helen." "I said, no." "Hey, nobody's forcing you to" "Get out!" "Get out!" "All right, enough." "Enough." "Mr. Leonard." "Please." "Mrs. Leonard." "Do you understand these proceedings?" "Yes." "Would you care to explain them to me?" "I see a handful of strangers who think they know what's best for me." "Do you believe they know what's best for you?" "I would like to decide for myself where and whose help I get." "You decided to take your own life, Mrs. Leonard." "Isn't that true?" "That was very stupid of me." "But isn't it also true that this was, in fact, the second time you tried to kill yourself?" "Mrs. Leonard suffers from severe suicidal depression." "Without continued treatment and supervision, there's a serious risk she'll attempt suicide again." "Has Mrs. Leonard indicated in any way that she plans on discontinuing her medication if she leaves here?" "She doesn't believe the medication is helping." "But she hasn't indicated that she plans on discontinuing it, has she?" "This isn't just about the medication." "Dr. Sherman, has she indicated that she plans on discontinuing her medication?" "No." "But Mrs. Leonard needs help." "Has Mrs. Leonard indicated that she plans on trying to take her life again if she leaves here?" "No." "But that doesn't mean that she's" "Nothing further, Your Honor." "I find that the state has not met their burden of proving with clear and convincing evidence that the patient is a danger to herself or to others." "You're free to go, Mrs. Leonard." "Congratulations." "Take care of yourself and good luck." "Who is it?" "I want to see Helen." "I don't think she wants to see you." "Don't be ridiculous." "I know she's here." "So, that's it?" "You'll throw away the life you had, forget about us, about Julie, about everyone who loves you, and give up?" "Is that it?" "No, that's not it." "Well, it looks like that to me." "That's because you can't see it the way I see it." "And I assume she does, huh?" "It's not your fault, David." "When are you gonna understand that?" "You know, it's funny how I'm having trouble with that one because if it's not my fault, if it's not my fucking fault, then why the fuck do I get all the blame?" "!" "Why?" "!" "You remind me of who I used to be." "Isn't that worth fighting for?" "Helen?" "Isn't it?" "Julie's better off without me." "This is insane." "I'm taking you home." "I'm not going." "You don't know what you're saying." "Okay, let's go." "No!" "I'm not coming with you!" "Let go of her." "Let go of her!" "Get out of my way." "No!" "Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?" "You really think I'll let you get away with this?" "!" "You're fucking nuts!" "Huh?" "I want you to go!" "God, I'm so sorry." "I'm sorry." "What makes her so special, hmm?" "She doesn't ask me how I feel..." "She knows." "You know, you're right." "I don't have a clue how you feel." "I don't even dare to imagine." "But I know how I feel." "You're my life, Helen." "Without you and Julie, the world means nothing to me." "And nothing is going to change that -- ever." "I hope you'll remember that one day." "§ If I had no place to fall §" "§ And I needed to §" "§ Oh, could I count on you §" "§ To lay me down?" "§" "Let's get out of here." "§ I'll never tell you no lies §" "§ I don't believe it's wise §" "§ You've got pretty eyes §" "§ Oh, won't you spin me round?" "§" "§ I ain't much of a lover, it's true §" "§ I'm here and I'm gone §" "§ And I'm forever blue §" "§ Oh, but I'm sure... §" "Whose house is this?" "It's my house." "§ The sky's full of silver and gold §" "§ Try and hide the sun §" "§ Oh, but it can't be done §" "§ At least not for long §" "Are you cold?" "No." "Good." "Let's go for a walk." "§ While the light of day §" "§ Shines down our way §" "You're not going to make it go away, you know." "§ Oh, then we can't go wrong §" "I never said I would." "§ Oh, but time, she's a fast old train §" "§ She's here and she's gone §" "§ And she won't come again §" "§ Oh, won't you take my hand?" "§" "§ If I had no place to fall §" "§ And I needed to §" "§ Oh, could I count on you §" "She was sick for as long as I can remember." "§ To lay me down?" "§" "Then one morning she got up, and she made breakfast." "And after she cleared the table and sent me to my room, she hung herself." "All she left her eight-year-old daughter with that goddamn house." "So what do you think?" "Should I keep it?" "Or should I insure it really well and pay someone to burn it down?" "I want you to know me, Helen." "I've never wanted that from anybody." "Helen!" "Helen!" "Helen." "Death comes so close." "And with such promise." "Nice hit, Julie!" "Good job, Julie." "Thanks." "Hey, you." "That was beautiful." "How are you?" "Did something happen to Mom?" "No, no, no, sweetie." "That's not -- that's not why I'm here." "I'm sorry." "Come here." "Oh, God, I miss you." "Oh!" "I wanted to visit her in the hospital." "But Dad didn't think that was a good idea." "He is such a wuss!" "Did you just call him a wuss?" "Yes, I did." "You think we'll ever be together again?" "Like we used to be?" "Straight answer?" "Straight answer." "I don't know." "We may not." "But I hope so, you know." "I really do." "Do you know where she is?" "Julie?" "Are you Mathilda?" "I was" " I'm looking for my Mom." "Is she here?" "Helen?" "Leave me alone, please." "Mom?" "My poor darling." "I'm sorry I left, Mom." "No... no." "Don't say that." "No, darling, I'm the one who's sorry." "I am so sorry." "My dear child." "No matter how long the journey or how deep the descent in the end, all it takes is one last step." "One step..." "Between me and madness." "Between pain and nothing." "One single small step." "What I do remember is a sense that reality is thin." "I think it is thin, you know." "Thin as lake ice after a thaw." "And we fill our lives with noise and light and motion to hide that thinness from ourselves." "How's it going?" "Good." "I...." "Do we know each other?" "Absolutely not." "You'd like to change that?" "Helen." "Stop." "Ow!" "Stop!" "Mathilda?" "Jesus." "What are you doing here?" "Well, you weren't at the hospital." "No, no." "Tomorrow." "I thought you were getting out tomorrow, no?" "No, today." "I was gonna pick you up." "I know." "I " " I thought -- I thought " " I thought it was " "I thought it was tomorrow." "What am I doing?" "Hi." "Oh, I'm so glad you're home." "The day's all mixed up." "I'm sorry about the mess." "I was gonna get it all fixed up for you." "It was a stupid idea, I guess." "Fuck it." "You want a drink?" "Let me get you a drink." "Don't look at me like that." "I see you met Macho." "Yeah." "Where did you get him?" "I found him." "Look, Helen." "I, um " " I'm really sorry." "I thought it was tomorrow, I did." "Did I wake you?" "Bad dreams." "They say that's normal." "They'll go away after a while." "So now that you have this new life, what are you going to do with it?" "I don't want a new life." "I miss my old one too much." "I don't know if there's anything left of it, though." "You'll find out, I guess." "Mathilda." "What are you doing?" "I'm not like you, Helen." "I get " " I get tired of turning down the volume all the time." "Sometimes I just " " I want to hear the music loud and clear, do you know what I mean?" "I wish I did." "David Leonard's office, please." "Do you know where he works now?" "Thank you." "Hey!" "How was your appointment?" "Fine." "Listen, I'm gonna run out for some groceries." "I'll be back soon." "All right." "Thank you very much." "See you." "You look good." "You always were a lousy liar, David." "You look terrible." "But... you look good." "Different." "It was hell." "I lost part of my memory, and I don't know if it's all ever going to come back." "I'm still on medication, but that's no guarantee that I won't relapse." "And I am constantly terrified of the idea..." "And I hate myself for it." "I hate myself for what I've done to Julie and you." "I hate this illness." "Sometimes I still feel like I can't take it anymore." "But I am grateful to be alive." "Come home, Helen." "I'll never be the same." "Maybe..." "But you'll always be the one." "Hi, Macho." "No, stay, stay." "Oh, my God!" "Mathilda?" "There's no air." "There's no air." "Oh!" "Come here!" "It's okay." "You want to go back, don't you?" "I'm trying to remember who I was." "I miss my family." "I miss my daughter." "Yeah." "I understand that." "We can't hide out here forever." "I know." "But I don't want to leave you, Mathilda." "Never." "You know that, don't you?" "I know." "I'm sorry I scared you." "Mathilda?" "Mathilda!" "Mathilda!" "Hey." "What are you doing up here?" "Thinking." "About what?" "Just... stuff." "Oh, Jesus." "When did it get so fucking cold?" "I'm fucking freezing." "Come on, let's go back inside." "No." "Let's just sit here for a little while, okay?" "Just for a little while." "How can I say good-bye to you?" "Huh?" "It's cold." "I'm really cold." "Let's go downstairs." "I'm so relieved, you know?" "Everything's gonna be okay." "Yes." "I am right here." "I know." "But you don't belong here, Helen." "Come on, let's go." "You're cold." "I'll get him." "Okay." "Macho!" "I was prepared to fight." "I wasn't prepared to lose." "Macho!" "Come here!" "Come here!" "Macho!" "Where's David?" "I want Julie to come and live with me." "What?" "She should stay with me for a while." "Please don't do this, Frank." "You can't take care of her." "And don't fight me on this." "You'll lose." "God, you're so lovely." "Helen!" "Helen!" "Wake up!" "Hey!" "Helen!" "Helen!" "Oh, goddamn it!" "Helen!" "Helen, come on!" "Come on, honey!" "Wake up!" "Hey, hey!" "Wake up!" "Helen!" "Helen!" "Helen!" "Come on!" "Mrs. Leonard?" "Where are you going, Mrs. Leonard?" "Where are you going?" "I want to go home." "You can't just leave." "Excuse me?" "You can't leave." "You're on restriction." "Excuse me?" "Why don't I take you back to your room, and I can get the doctor." "Where are my clothes?" "You weren't wearing any when you were brought here." "I want to go home." "I'm sorry, but that's not possible." "Your husband had you committed the day before yesterday." "I want to go home." "Helen..." "You almost died." "I'm sorry." "You don't need to apologize to me." "I almost didn't go home that night." "But you did." "I didn't want to go home." "You did go home, David." "She can't hold on to you." "It doesn't work like that." "Can she hold on to you?" "No." "You're not going to like what I have to say." "I think you should consider ECT." "Shock treatment?" "I know it's scary." "And I know the stigma." "But ECT could help you." "And the side effects are most likely to be temporary." "No." "Never." "I'd rather die." "Helen." "I said, no." "Hey, nobody's forcing you to" "Get out!" "Get out!" "All right, enough." "Enough." "Mr. Leonard." "Please." "Mrs. Leonard." "Do you understand these proceedings?" "Yes." "Would you care to explain them to me?" "I see a handful of strangers who think they know what's best for me." "Do you believe they know what's best for you?" "I would like to decide for myself where and whose help I get." "You decided to take your own life, Mrs. Leonard." "Isn't that true?" "That was very stupid of me." "But isn't it also true that this was, in fact, the second time you tried to kill yourself?" "Mrs. Leonard suffers from severe suicidal depression." "Without continued treatment and supervision, there's a serious risk she'll attempt suicide again." "Has Mrs. Leonard indicated in any way that she plans on discontinuing her medication if she leaves here?" "She doesn't believe the medication is helping." "But she hasn't indicated that she plans on discontinuing it, has she?" "This isn't just about the medication." "Dr. Sherman, has she indicated that she plans on discontinuing her medication?" "No." "But Mrs. Leonard needs help." "Has Mrs. Leonard indicated that she plans on trying to take her life again if she leaves here?" "No." "But that doesn't mean that she's" "Nothing further, Your Honor." "I find that the state has not met their burden of proving with clear and convincing evidence that the patient is a danger to herself or to others." "You're free to go, Mrs. Leonard." "Congratulations." "Take care of yourself and good luck." "Who is it?" "I want to see Helen." "I don't think she wants to see you." "Don't be ridiculous." "I know she's here." "So, that's it?" "You'll throw away the life you had, forget about us, about Julie, about everyone who loves you, and give up?" "Is that it?" "No, that's not it." "Well, it looks like that to me." "That's because you can't see it the way I see it." "And I assume she does, huh?" "It's not your fault, David." "When are you gonna understand that?" "You know, it's funny how I'm having trouble with that one because if it's not my fault, if it's not my fucking fault, then why the fuck do I get all the blame?" "!" "Why?" "!" "You remind me of who I used to be." "Isn't that worth fighting for?" "Helen?" "Isn't it?" "Julie's better off without me." "This is insane." "I'm taking you home." "I'm not going." "You don't know what you're saying." "Okay, let's go." "No!" "I'm not coming with you!" "Let go of her." "Let go of her!" "Get out of my way." "No!" "Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?" "You really think I'll let you get away with this?" "!" "You're fucking nuts!" "Huh?" "I want you to go!" "God, I'm so sorry." "I'm sorry." "What makes her so special, hmm?" "She doesn't ask me how I feel..." "She knows." "You know, you're right." "I don't have a clue how you feel." "I don't even dare to imagine." "But I know how I feel." "You're my life, Helen." "Without you and Julie, the world means nothing to me." "And nothing is going to change that -- ever." "I hope you'll remember that one day." "§ If I had no place to fall §" "§ And I needed to §" "§ Oh, could I count on you §" "§ To lay me down?" "§" "Let's get out of here." "§ I'll never tell you no lies §" "§ I don't believe it's wise §" "§ You've got pretty eyes §" "§ Oh, won't you spin me round?" "§" "§ I ain't much of a lover, it's true §" "§ I'm here and I'm gone §" "§ And I'm forever blue §" "§ Oh, but I'm sure... §" "Whose house is this?" "It's my house." "§ The sky's full of silver and gold §" "§ Try and hide the sun §" "§ Oh, but it can't be done §" "§ At least not for long §" "Are you cold?" "No." "Good." "Let's go for a walk." "§ While the light of day §" "§ Shines down our way §" "You're not going to make it go away, you know." "§ Oh, then we can't go wrong §" "I never said I would." "§ Oh, but time, she's a fast old train §" "§ She's here and she's gone §" "§ And she won't come again §" "§ Oh, won't you take my hand?" "§" "§ If I had no place to fall §" "§ And I needed to §" "§ Oh, could I count on you §" "She was sick for as long as I can remember." "§ To lay me down?" "§" "Then one morning she got up, and she made breakfast." "And after she cleared the table and sent me to my room, she hung herself." "All she left her eight-year-old daughter with that goddamn house." "So what do you think?" "Should I keep it?" "Or should I insure it really well and pay someone to burn it down?" "I want you to know me, Helen." "I've never wanted that from anybody." "Helen!" "Helen!" "Helen." "Death comes so close." "And with such promise." "Nice hit, Julie!" "Good job, Julie." "Thanks." "Hey, you." "That was beautiful." "How are you?" "Did something happen to Mom?" "No, no, no, sweetie." "That's not -- that's not why I'm here." "I'm sorry." "Come here." "Oh, God, I miss you." "Oh!" "I wanted to visit her in the hospital." "But Dad didn't think that was a good idea." "He is such a wuss!" "Did you just call him a wuss?" "Yes, I did." "You think we'll ever be together again?" "Like we used to be?" "Straight answer?" "Straight answer." "I don't know." "We may not." "But I hope so, you know." "I really do." "Do you know where she is?" "Julie?" "Are you Mathilda?" "I was" " I'm looking for my Mom." "Is she here?" "Helen?" "Leave me alone, please." "Mom?" "My poor darling." "I'm sorry I left, Mom." "No... no." "Don't say that." "No, darling, I'm the one who's sorry." "I am so sorry." "My dear child." "No matter how long the journey or how deep the descent in the end, all it takes is one last step." "One step..." "Between me and madness." "Between pain and nothing." "One single small step." "What I do remember is a sense that reality is thin." "I think it is thin, you know." "Thin as lake ice after a thaw." "And we fill our lives with noise and light and motion to hide that thinness from ourselves." "How's it going?" "Good." "I...." "Do we know each other?" "Absolutely not." "You'd like to change that?" "Helen." "Stop." "Ow!" "Stop!" "Mathilda?" "Jesus." "What are you doing here?" "Well, you weren't at the hospital." "No, no." "Tomorrow." "I thought you were getting out tomorrow, no?" "No, today." "I was gonna pick you up." "I know." "I " " I thought -- I thought " " I thought it was " "I thought it was tomorrow." "What am I doing?" "Hi." "Oh, I'm so glad you're home." "The day's all mixed up." "I'm sorry about the mess." "I was gonna get it all fixed up for you." "It was a stupid idea, I guess." "Fuck it." "You want a drink?" "Let me get you a drink." "Don't look at me like that." "I see you met Macho." "Yeah." "Where did you get him?" "I found him." "Look, Helen." "I, um " " I'm really sorry." "I thought it was tomorrow, I did." "Did I wake you?" "Bad dreams." "They say that's normal." "They'll go away after a while." "So now that you have this new life, what are you going to do with it?" "I don't want a new life." "I miss my old one too much." "I don't know if there's anything left of it, though." "You'll find out, I guess." "Mathilda." "What are you doing?" "I'm not like you, Helen." "I get " " I get tired of turning down the volume all the time." "Sometimes I just " " I want to hear the music loud and clear, do you know what I mean?" "I wish I did." "David Leonard's office, please." "Do you know where he works now?" "Thank you." "Hey!" "How was your appointment?" "Fine." "Listen, I'm gonna run out for some groceries." "I'll be back soon." "All right." "Thank you very much." "See you." "You look good." "You always were a lousy liar, David." "You look terrible." "But... you look good." "Different." "It was hell." "I lost part of my memory, and I don't know if it's all ever going to come back." "I'm still on medication, but that's no guarantee that I won't relapse." "And I am constantly terrified of the idea..." "And I hate myself for it." "I hate myself for what I've done to Julie and you." "I hate this illness." "Sometimes I still feel like I can't take it anymore." "But I am grateful to be alive." "Come home, Helen." "I'll never be the same." "Maybe..." "But you'll always be the one." "Hi, Macho." "No, stay, stay." "Oh, my God!" "Mathilda?" "There's no air." "There's no air." "Oh!" "Come here!" "It's okay." "You want to go back, don't you?" "I'm trying to remember who I was." "I miss my family." "I miss my daughter." "Yeah." "I understand that." "We can't hide out here forever." "I know." "But I don't want to leave you, Mathilda." "Never." "You know that, don't you?" "I know." "I'm sorry I scared you." "Mathilda?" "Mathilda!" "Mathilda!" "Hey." "What are you doing up here?" "Thinking." "About what?" "Just... stuff." "Oh, Jesus." "When did it get so fucking cold?" "I'm fucking freezing." "Come on, let's go back inside." "No." "Let's just sit here for a little while, okay?" "Just for a little while." "How can I say good-bye to you?" "Huh?" "It's cold." "I'm really cold." "Let's go downstairs." "I'm so relieved, you know?" "Everything's gonna be okay." "Yes." "I am right here." "I know." "But you don't belong here, Helen." "Come on, let's go." "You're cold." "I'll get him." "Okay." "Macho!" "I was prepared to fight." "I wasn't prepared to lose." "Macho!" "Come here!" "Come here!" "Macho!" "Subtitles:" "Dan4Jem, MMIX"