"Woman: ♪♪ i could be happy with you ♪♪" "♪♪ if you could be happy with me ♪♪" "♪♪ i'd be contented... ♪♪" " here you are, poll." " Oh, oh!" "Oh, hold on, oh." "Here you are." "You look after her." "But what about my money?" "Hey!" "Where's my baby?" "She's over there." "Put it on the slate." "I'll get the sack if they're late again." "Woman: hurry up, then." "Just along there." "Good afternoon, mr." "And mrs." "Parkhill." "Good afternoon, len." "All for mrs." "P, i'm afraid." "Must be bills, then." "Thank you, darling." "Has my old man sent me maintenance order, len?" "I'll have a look, luv." "♪♪ Oh, dear old pals, enjoy your company ♪♪ disgusting!" "All for you, dear." "Are you sending by post now, luv?" "Better than giving it away!" "Hello, gorgeous." "I suppose i should be thankful for small mercies." "Anything?" "Nothing for you this morning... they all in yet, len?" "All in except rita and tommy." "He won't be long." "You can hear him coming a mile off." "Practicing, practicing." "Don't you ever stop dancing?" "Can't, toots." "I'm in training for my second big break." "Second?" "You're kidding." "What was the first?" "Didn't you ever hear of the baby toast of broadway?" "Tiny tom, the tapping tot?" "(Humming) ha ha!" "Grew up, didn't you?" "Ha ha!" "Overnight." "And who can use a tiny tot who's 10 feet tall?" "How about barnum  bailey?" "(Laughing) they already had one, and he was a bearded lady to boot." "So i booked a one-way ticket on a cattle boat to merry old england." "Blimey!" "From broadway to portsmouth?" "Bit of a comedown, isn't it?" "A stepping stone, toots... a mere stepping stone to stardom." "Hey, not bad." "(Music plays) here's your stout, luv." "Ta." "Cheese and chutney, right?" "Oh, thanks, poll." "Put it on the slate." "Ta." "I seem to... who sent me the flowers?" "Oh, I... i forget." "I bought one apple too many." "Would you like it?" "No, thanks." "I had one already." "Man: ♪♪ dee dee dee da dee dee dee ♪♪ poll... i'll have it if it's going begging." "Right, luv." "Here." "You have it." "Oh, ta." "5 minutes, everyone." "Man: ♪♪ dee da dee da dee dah ♪♪" "♪♪ dee dee dee ♪♪" "afternoon." "Here's your gin." "Don't you knock when you enter the stars' dressing room?" "Sorry." "They didn't have smoked salmon." "So i got salmon shrimp, alright?" "Paste!" "Surely you don't expect mrs." "P. To eat paste, do you?" "I'm sorry, but it was the nearest they had." "Nearest they had!" "Oh, hark at that!" "Take off, will you?" "Don't mind, polly." "I just need a little something to settle me before i go on." "Anything will do." "But it was the best they had, mrs." "P." "Shipham's." "By appointment." "They have it at buckingham palace." "When they're entertaining their cockney highnesses, it's the pearly king and queen, i suppose." "How long we got?" "Oh, 5 minutes, please." "There'll be some change, then?" "Crikey." "I forgot." "I owe you 2 and 11 plus 3 farthings." "If i give you a farthing, you could give me 3 bob, right?" "Oh, yeah." " Polly!" " Hmm?" "Oh, ta, mrs." "P. You shouldn't." "Why do you encourage her?" "Overture, beginners, please." "My hatbox ribbon came undone yesterday, polly." "Oh, it won't happen again, miss maisie." "Oh, polly, help me with my hooks." "Hello, rosie." "Oh, look, i do like me feather duster hanging out beside me dismal desmond, polly." "Do try and remember." "Got a fag, poll?" "Ooh." "Ain't he lovely?" "(Whistle) oh, polly, don't whistle in the dressing room!" " Why not?" " Because it's unlucky, that's why." "Now go outside, turn around 3 times and knock on the door." "What do nursing mothers need?" "Everyone:" "my-rose!" "Come in!" " Now swear." " Damn!" "Where's that lazy lady?" "She'll turn up." "Don't worry." "She'll be late for her own funeral, that one." "Here." "Where is rita?" "Oh, isn't she here yet?" "Well, i don't expect she'll be missed." "Well, she is the star of the show." "Do you really think so?" "She'll be fined again if she ain't careful." "(Florid piano intro)" "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "they're all called, mr." "Max, except rita." "She ain't here yet." "Not here?" "Put her down for a fine!" "If you fine her again, she'll be owing you money." "With this house, i need it." "Why must these wretched garden fetes always coincide with our matinees?" "Not a cloud in the sky!" "Let me know the minute she arrives!" "Yes, mr." "Max." "Blimey!" "There's more on the stage than in the blooming audience." "(Baby cries)" "down there." "(Telephone rings)" "allo?" "Allo?" "Is that gaston, the costumier?" "Oh." "It is madame dubonnet's maid." "Dubonnet." "Day-ooh-bay-oh- enny-enny-ee-tee." "Madame dubonnet of the villa caprice!" "Mr. Max:" "accent!" "Accent!" "Oh." "Ha ha ha!" "(In formal french accent) zee school for young ladies." "I wish to know if you have ready the costume for miss polly browne." "B-l-o-double d-n-a-ahve-ee." "Accent!" "With an e." "She wishes it for zee carnival ball ce soir." "Ha ha ha." "You do not comprehend?" "Then get me monsieur gaston himself!" "Mmph!" "Monsieur gaston?" "Oh." "Allo." "No, no, no." "She's no more french than i am." " Rita not here?" " No, mr." "Max." "Naughty!" "Nobody asked for your opinion." "She was having hijinks in the high street with a sailor around lunchtime." "Opening time, you mean, dear." "Let's be honest." "Fine publicity!" "Well, she's never missed an entrance yet." "Mind your hatbox, dulcie." "Maid: madame dubonnet of villa caprice!" "She's never been the same since i promoted her to star billing." "Went to her head, totally." "No..." "telephone, mr." "Max." "Tell them to ring again!" "How can you expect me to speak at a time like this?" "But they must speak to you personally!" "It's not c.b. cochran from london, is it?" "No, it ain't." "It's the hospital." "Ha ha ha." "Bon." "Then you will deliver it straight-away?" "Merci!" "(All chattering amongst selves) s'il vous plait, have you forgotten who you are?" "All: forgotten who we are?" "Of course not!" "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "♪♪ we're perfect young ladies ♪♪" "♪♪ preparing to take ♪♪" "♪♪ our places among the noblesse ♪♪" "♪♪ we're perfect young ladies ♪♪" "♪♪ preparing to make ♪♪" "♪♪ the most of the charm we possess ♪♪" "♪♪ you're being finished, and your families' wealth ♪♪" "♪♪ may be diminished, but...♪♪" "♪♪ at least you all have perfect health ♪♪" "♪♪ and making the grade is our duty, you see ♪♪" "♪♪ for perfect young ladies are we ♪♪" "♪♪ we're perfect young ladies ♪♪" "♪♪ we hope to attract ♪♪" "♪♪ a husband whose credit is good ♪♪" "♪♪ you may be young ladies ♪♪" "♪♪ but why don't you act ♪♪" "♪♪ the way that a young lady should?" "♪♪" "♪♪ I've often told you ♪♪" "♪♪ please don't tell us again ♪♪" "♪♪ i ought to scold you ♪♪" "♪♪ but... ♪♪" "♪♪ you know it will be quite in vain ♪♪" "♪♪ for being our maid is your duty, you see ♪♪" "♪♪ for perfect young ladies are we ♪♪" "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "oh!" "Oh!" "♪♪ Perfect young ladies are ♪♪" "♪♪ perfect young ladies are ♪♪" "♪♪ perfect young ladies are we ♪♪" "terrible, terrible!" "Not rita." "Trapped her high heel in a tram line." "Her foot." "Ooh, it ain't off?" "No, of course not." "Mild fracture, but she's laid up just the same." "We're ruined!" "No, we're not." "You will have to go on." "Get ready!" "What, me?" "But i'm only the a.s.m.!" "L..." "I can't go on." "It's the assistant stage manager's job to understudy everybody's part." "Now i told you that when i took you on." "Now hurry up and don't argue." "You've got exactly 5 minutes!" "Ooh, i don't know." "I feel funny." "(Street musicians playing)" "zoom!" "Yes?" "I want the best seat in the house." "Ah." "Now let me see." "You could have the royal box." "I'll take it." "Except that it's permanently reserved for the princess arthur of connaught." "We often stay with her." "Oh, really." "Now, how about the stage box?" "How much?" "One pound, please." "Must be a small box." "How many are you?" "We are one!" "Any further orders, mr." "Dethrill, sir?" "Just wait outside." "On no account must mr." "Dethrill be disturbed, woman." " Get it?" "!" " Really!" "Oh, why does she have to have such blinking big plates of meat, alph?" "Now stop worrying and try that for size." "Rosemarie and miss suka vollen, then." "Oh, well." "It fits." "Yes." "Oh, well, find the other one, and you're ready for the ball." "I hear you're going on." "Yes." "All the best." "You're not wearing those, are you?" "Oh." "But, y-you're beautiful!" "Good luck." "All this in one day." "It's too much." "Come on, cinderella." "You're on!" "Oh, how perfectly ripping!" "Our very first carnival ball." "En francais, of course." "Oh, i can't wait for this evening." "My frock is a dream." "So is mine, and rather daring, too." "I'm sure madame dubonnet will be furious." "Oh, not she." "I bet you she'll turn up in something frightfully shocking!" "(Giggling) not dethrill, the famous movie director!" "How'd i know what sort of a thrill he is?" "Look for yourself!" "He's in the stage box." "Why didn't you say so?" "Woman on stage:" "...anyone who asks me!" "Yes!" "It's him." "Word's got about." "My reputation will be made!" "No." "We'll be ruined." "That girl!" "Chorus on stage:" "ooh, isn't she the limit!" "That girl." "She can't go on." "We must stop her!" "He don't think i'm any good." "I can't go on now." "Oh, ring down the curtain." "We'll send the audience home." "Then i'll go and refund the money, shall i?" "Wait!" "Let me fix, spendthrift." "Oh, look!" "Here comes polly browne across the tennis court." "Chorus: polly browne?" "Yes, and she's carrying a letter." "Chorus: oh!" "Hello, polly!" "Oh, polly." "Just think." "London's great theater land, waiting for you." "His majesties, the prince of wales, the duchess, the royalty, the duke of yorks, the queens... now that's an ice rink." "Hold your tongue, woman." "It's hollywood calling, not the palace!" "Polly." "Listen to me." "The careers and lives of all these boys and girls are depending on you." "I'm not asking for myself." "But do it for them." "Now, polly, listen to me!" "You're going out there as a youngster." "You've got to come back... a star!" "Now get out there and do your damnedest!" "Hello, polly." "Oh, hello, everyone... stage-whispering: where's rita?" "!" "She got her foot caught in the tram line." "She's in the hospital." "(Laughing)" "psst!" "Stage-whispering:" "oh, hello, everyone." "Where have you been?" "Oh, hello, everyone." "Where have you been?" "We dashed into town this morning to collect our costumes for the carnival ball." "We couldn't wait until monsieur gaston delivered them." "You must see mine, polly." "You'll adore it!" "Oh, mine." "You'll be green with envy!" "Oh, be quiet, chaps." "You know we'll all be jealous of polly when she gets hers." "What are you going as, polly?" "I'm going as pierrette." "Pierrette." "Chorus: how divine!" "Now do tell us your secret, polly." "What secret?" "Well, if you're going as pierrette... who's going... as pierrot?" "Oh." "I still want it to be a secret." "Chorus: oh, polly!" "But, i've had another letter... from paris!" "From paris." "How marvelous!" "And what does he say?" "He says he's... motoring down overnight." "In fact... he should be here any moment..." " now." " Oh, how thrilling." "And how does he sign himself?" "Does he say," ""passionately yours"?" "Or, "yours adoringly"?" "Or does he just say, "with all my love"?" "Chorus: oh, do tell us about him, polly!" "Well, there ain't very much to tell, really." "I expect you know how i feel as well as i do." "♪♪ Any girl who's reached the age ♪♪" "♪♪ of 17 or thereabouts ♪♪" "♪♪ has but one desire in view ♪♪ eyes and teeth." "Eyes and teeth!" "♪♪ She knows she has reached the stage ♪♪" "♪♪ of needing one to care about ♪♪" "♪♪ nothing else will really do ♪♪" "♪♪ childhood games are left behind ♪♪" "♪♪ and her heart takes wing ♪♪" "♪♪ hoping that it soon will find ♪♪" "♪♪ just one thing ♪♪" "♪♪ we've got to have ♪♪" "♪♪ we plot to have ♪♪" "♪♪ for it's so dreary not to have ♪♪" "♪♪ that certain thing called ♪♪" "♪♪ the boy friend ♪♪" "♪♪ we scheme about and dream about ♪♪" "♪♪ and we've been known to scream about ♪♪" "♪♪ that certain thing called the boy friend ♪♪" "♪♪ he is really a necessity ♪♪" "♪♪ if you want to get on ♪♪" "♪♪ and we might as well confess it, he ♪♪" "♪♪ is our sine qua non ♪♪" "♪♪ we sigh for him and cry for him ♪♪" "♪♪ and we would gladly die for him ♪♪" "♪♪ that certain thing ♪♪" "♪♪ called the boy friend ♪♪" "♪♪♪♪♪♪ piano and drums!" "What must dethrill think?" "If only we had money, what a spectacle i'd show them." "A royal command performance!" "(Orchestra tuning up)" "(orchestra plays)" "♪♪ we plead to have ♪♪" "♪♪ we need to have ♪♪" "♪♪ in fact, our poor hearts bleed to have ♪♪" "♪♪ that certain thing called the boy friend ♪♪" "(orchestra plays)" "♪♪ we'd save for him ♪♪" "♪♪ and slave for him ♪♪" "♪♪ we'd even...♪♪" "♪♪ misbehave for him ♪♪" "♪♪ that certain thing called ♪♪" "♪♪ the boy friend ♪♪" "♪♪ life without us is impossible ♪♪" "♪♪ and devoid of all charms ♪♪" "♪♪ no amount of idle gossip'll ♪♪" "♪♪ keep them out of our arms ♪♪" "♪♪ we're blue without ♪♪" "♪♪ can't do without ♪♪" "♪♪ our dreams just won't come true without ♪♪" "♪♪ that certain thing called ♪♪" "♪♪ the boy friend ♪♪ polly, the spirit of ecstasy." "Ridiculous!" "Oh, no!" "She's forgotten the steps!" "(Girls screech)" "♪♪ dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee ♪♪" "♪♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪♪" "♪♪ dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee ♪♪" "♪♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪♪" "♪♪ whee ♪♪" "♪♪ we're blue without ♪♪" "♪♪ can't do without ♪♪" "♪♪ our dreams just...♪♪ do a ruby keeler!" "♪♪ That certain thing called ♪♪" "♪♪ the boy friend ♪♪" "(applause)" "heh heh." "She's doing alright, huh?" "Alright for pygmalion." "She's supposed to come from westminster, not wapping." "Woman on stage:" "boys, boys." "You know you're not allowed on the premises." "You must leave at once!" "See you on the plage!" "Sharp at 2:00." "Don't be late, now." "Toodle-oo!" "Men: bye!" "Girls: bye!" "But you still haven't told us much about him, polly." "Not even his christian name." "What is it, polly?" "Well, it's, um, um... keep it, girls." "Here comes madame dubonnet!" "Chorus: ooh!" "(Humming)" "(gargling)" "♪♪ a-ha...♪♪" "♪♪ ha-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪♪ ah, tiens, tiens, mes enfants!" "This is no way to behave." "Now then, all of you to your classroom... where mademoiselle alice is waiting to instruct you in petit pois." "Mademoiselle browne!" "Girls: oui, madame dubonnet." "Mademoiselle dubonnet:" "mademoiselle browne!" "Mr. Max, whispering:" "rita!" "Rita!" "Play it like rita!" "Oh!" "Oui, madame?" "I wish to have a little word with you, ma petite." "Promenade with me into le jardin." "You can help me gather some hollyhocks!" "Do not be frightened, ma chere." "You have done nothing wrong." "I merely wish to ask if you are coming to the ball tonight." "Oh, yes, of course." "I've ordered my frock." "I'm going as pierrette." "Oh, so you have a friend to take you, huh?" "I had a letter today." "He's arriving by car from paris!" "From paree?" "Yes, from paree." "Psst." "Onion!" "You've got to cry!" "Then why is this letter postmarked from nice?" "(Sesame) oh, never mind, my little polly." "Your secret is safe with me!" "Soyez gale and trust me!" "Now then, dry your eyes, then change into your tunic." "We are dancing on the grass!" "Ha ha ha!" "No!" "I won't do it!" "A western artiste act with an amateur?" "Never!" "We've enough cockneys in this show as it is!" "And with dethrill out front, too." "He'll think he's watching a variety act!" "You'll be expecting me to sing, any old iron next!" "Yes!" "♪♪ Any old iron any old iron ♪♪" "♪♪ any any any old iron ♪♪" "♪♪ you look neat talk about a treat ♪♪" "♪♪ you look better from your head to your feet ♪♪" "♪♪ dressed in style, brand new doll ♪♪" "♪♪ with your father's old green tie on ♪♪" "♪♪ i wouldn't be the duffer in the old watch chain ♪♪" "♪♪ old iron, old iron ♪♪" "♪♪ dah dah dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah dah ♪♪" "♪♪ dah-dah, dah-dah how's that?" "♪♪" "That's it!" "You're a cockney junk dealer." "Made your fortune in scrap metal after the war." "You want to better yourself." "Polly, too!" "You're trying to live down your past." "I'll write it." "We'll save the show yet!" "I won't do it!" "Has anyone got a fountain pen?" "Did you hear that girl's accent?" "Paper, paper!" "I want you all to do your best." "And tell the boys i haven't time." "Tell them to dance like nijinsky." "Dethrill's out front!" "Oh, not dethrill, the jenny dill merchant from cable street?" "No, it must be dethrill, the great hollywood director, talent-spotting for his new, super, colossal, all-talking, all-singing, all-dancing famous musical!" "Girls: oh, that one!" "Hi, toots." "How's poll doing?" "Quite promising, actually." "Care for a puff?" "Uh-uh." "It might stunt my growth." "I say, that's a kicky step." "Who taught you that?" "Search me, toots." "You see, as a kid i was kicked in the head." "And when i came to... amnesia." "How on earth did that happen?" "You've heard of the russian revolution." "Bah-bah-bah!" "And all that jazz." "Yes." "Well... i'm told i was on the steppes of odessa... when the whites went bananas!" "When i woke up, all i could remember was how to tap dance." "Fascinating!" "Plus the name of one step." "The double trip... maxie ford... with a knickerbocker break!" "What happened to your parents?" "I don't know." "I never heard from anybody." "I guess they were done in." "Anyway, since i spoke american, i was shipped off to the states, where they put me in an orphanage." "What was that like?" "It was crummy." "They wouldn't even let me tap-dance." "So... one dark night, at the ripe old age of 6 1/2, i ran away to new york!" "To manhattan." "To times square." "To broadway!" "Where i became a baby star." "♪♪ I'm...♪♪" "♪♪ a-tapping down broadway ♪♪" "♪♪ just a-tap, tap tapping down broadway ♪♪" "♪♪ 'cause broadway's my tap slap-happy home ♪♪" "♪♪ cram, roll, shuffle, ball change, tap tap ♪♪ then i outgrew my short pants, and it was curtains for tiny tom." "I say, you wouldn't be pulling a fella's leg, would you?" "No." "Every word's the truth." "Cub scout's oath!" "Oh, there's our cue." "Ready?" "Oh, that was marvelous." "But tommy, could we take it easy this afternoon?" "I've got the most appalling headache." "Oh, ok, toots." "I'll give it the old matinee soft sell." "(Laughing)" "man: and... (piano plays waltz)" "excuse me." "Please, could you give this to the maitre d'?" "Oui, mam'selle." "Thank you." " Guess who." " Tommy!" "Goodness me, where i am... oh, gosh, you did make a tap jump." "Fancy meeting you here." "I live here." "You want to come up and see my etchings?" "Oh, i say, please... please!" "I must leave at once!" "I'm just here on an errand for madame dubonnet, arrangements for the carnival ball tonight." "If she were to find out, i'd be asked to leave under a cloud." "Mmm." "I'm not letting you go until you promise me one thing." "And what is that?" "Oh, you know as well as i do." " Do i?" " Of course you do." "I want you to promise that tonight... you're going to dance every dance at the ball with me." "Oh, that!" "That's out of the question." "Come on, maisie." "Be a sport!" "Oh, you know there's nobody i want to dance with but you." "Really?" "I don't believe you!" "♪♪ Listen, baby, to my plea ♪♪" "♪♪ won't you come dancing with me?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Be my baby and say yes ♪♪" "♪♪ or else i'm done for, i guess ♪♪" "♪♪ to dance with you ♪♪" "♪♪ is thrilling to my poor ego ♪♪" "♪♪ so baby, say you're willing ♪♪" "♪♪ to shake a leg, oh...♪♪" "♪♪ won't you charleston with me?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Won't you charleston with me?" "♪♪" "♪♪ And while the band is playing that ♪♪" "♪♪ old vo-de-o-do ♪♪" "♪♪ around we will go ♪♪" "♪♪ together we'll show them ♪♪" "♪♪ how the charleston is done ♪♪" "♪♪ we'll surprise everyone ♪♪" "♪♪ just think what heaven ♪♪" "♪♪ it's gonna be ♪♪" "♪♪ if you will charleston ♪♪" "♪♪ charleston with me ♪♪" "♪♪ won't you charleston with me?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Won't you charleston with me?" "♪♪" "♪♪ And while the band is playing that ♪♪" "♪♪ old vo-de-o-do ♪♪" "♪♪ around we will go ♪♪" "♪♪ together we'll show them ♪♪" "♪♪ how the charleston is done ♪♪" "♪♪ we'll surprise everyone ♪♪" "♪♪ just think what heaven...♪♪ she's double-crossed you!" "What?" "Dethrill's in the stage box!" "Chorus: ♪♪ won't you charleston ♪♪" "♪♪ charleston with me?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Charleston, charleston, charleston, charleston ♪♪" "♪♪ charleston with me ♪♪" "♪♪ just think what heaven ♪♪" "♪♪ everything's going to be ♪♪" "♪♪ why don't you charleston ♪♪" "♪♪ charleston, charleston?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Why don't you charleston ♪♪" "♪♪ charleston with me?" "♪♪" "They told me when i joined it was a noel coward part." "Now you don't expect noel to talk cockney, do you?" "Any more than you would a queen." "Here." "I can act posh." "Act posh?" "Ah, cut that." "Dethrill won't understand a word of it." "It's a foreign language to them yanks." "It's not english." "He'll think i'm a character man." "Well, you're hardly a juve, are you, darling?" "Please keep out of it, moira." "Well, the child's not that bad." "She's got a little talent." "Talent?" "She'll never make the west end in a million years." "Well, let's be honest, darling." "The nearest you ever got to the west end was harrow-on-the-hill." "Unless you count the twice-nightlies." "Have you forgotten that charity matinee i gave at croydon?" "Oh, here." "I was in that show." "Cockney capers." "You sang henry the eighth." "There you are." "Won't take a jiffy." " What about me?" " You talk cockney very refined." "You shouldn't find it too difficult." "I won't do it!" "Unless i play it straight." " It's perfect." " Have you fixed it on?" "Here, it won't come off." "Just put this one on as well." "And now, polly, before your friends arrive, i want you to tell me just one thing." "Yes, madame?" "How is it that one so sweet and charming as you are has to pretend to have... how you say... boy friend, and write herself love letters?" "It's because of my father, madame." "Your father, huh?" "Yes." "You see, before kaiser bill the horrible, horrible war, we were terribly, terribly poor." "Daddy was a scrap metal merchant, and i was a little match girl." "But after the armistice he made his fortune, bought up all the alloys out of the street, and now we are terribly nouveau riche, you see, and when he dies i shall be really extremely wealthy," "and he thinks that every man who makes advances to me is just after my millions." "So, he forbids you to have a boy friend?" "Well... practically." "So, you invent him?" "Yes, i'm afraid so... i see." "Poor little rich girl." "Well, i, too, have had a letter today from your father, and he is coming here this morning." "Daddy?" "Coming here?" "Oui." "He is coming from toulon on business." "And when i see him, i will have a little word with him." "He must listen!" "He shall see." "Attendre, my little daughter." "Today, we dance!" "Man: alright!" "(Piano music plays)" "(orchestral music begins)" "(music continues)" "(charleston music plays)" "(dramatic orchestral music begins)" "(charleston music plays)" "(charleston music continues)" "(light orchestral music begins)" "(dramatic music plays)" "(dance music plays)" "(dramatic music plays)" "(dance music plays)" "(light orchestral music plays)" "bless you, mes enfants." "May the gods pour libations and happiness on your houses." "Now run along, my dear daughters." "Madame wishes to meditate!" "Oh, really!" "No, thank you." "Madame, ici monsieur browne, le pere de polly." "Monsieur!" "Here you are." "In cockney accent:" "how do you do, madame?" "How do you do?" "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "monsieur browne, or should i say ma petit percy?" "Mr. Browne:" "i don't follow you, madame." "Mademoiselle dubonnet:" "mais oui, mon cher." "Won't you sit down?" "Do you not remember your little kiki?" "Kiki." "Good heavens!" "This is impossible!" "Most awkward!" "How could it be?" "After all we have been to each other!" "Have you forgotten armistice night?" "When you kissed me on... the champs-elysees?" "Yes, madame." "I have... completely forgotten!" "Surely not, cheri." "I wore a white dress, and you were in uniform." "Later on, i called you my pretty private." "Then we drank champagne." "Everyone was happy!" "Then... two little lovebirds flew over our heads." "(Bird whistle)" "(footsteps approaching)" "so, the kid has stepped into the star's shoes." "Gosh, rita." "I'm sorry." "Does it hurt?" "Hurt?" "Of course it hurts... when someone else takes your place." "But i could never hope to be another rita monroe." "No one could, dear." "Ever!" "But you might just get by." "Mm-hmm." "One day." "Now you're just a nervous, skinny kid overwhelmed at the impossibility of trying to save the show." "And on top of that, you have to face the bitter disappointment of all my fans out there, who scrimped and saved their pennies week after week to come here this afternoon to see that special kind of magic" "that only... their rita can give them." "Oh, well." "Do you know your steps?" "Now show me the buck-and-wing break from the first duet." "Oh, sorry, rita." "Yes, well, fake it!" "That's what i always did whenever i was ill." "Chances are they'll never notice." "Oh, and then there is that tricky obbligato in the pierrette number." "♪♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪♪" "♪♪ ah-ah-ah-ah...♪♪" "(coughing)" "♪♪ ah-ah-ah-ah-ah... ♪♪ mmm..." "oh, well, that parkhill woman's sure to be singing flat." "Oh, they'll never notice." "Oh, and if you do forget your lines, ad lib." "It'll destroy the rest cf the cast, but at least you won't dry." "Oh, now, pull yourself together and don't worry." "They'll find a replacement tomorrow." "Now get out there, and be so great... you'll make me hate you." "Oh, thank you, rita." "You're really too kind." "Sweet." "♪♪ I could be happy with you ♪♪" "♪♪ if you could be happy with me ♪♪" "(bird whistle continues)" "then, from a little cafe, came the strains of a waltz." "How did it go?" "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "♪♪ i still recall so tenderly ♪♪" "♪♪ the night when first we met ♪♪" "♪♪ the memory's so dear to me ♪♪" "♪♪ so how can you forget?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Fancy forgetting ♪♪" "♪♪ the love that we knew ♪♪" "♪♪ when we were fancy free ♪♪" "♪♪ fancy forgetting ♪♪" "♪♪ what i said to you ♪♪" "♪♪ and what you said to me ♪♪" "♪♪ though the years go by ♪♪" "♪♪ and our youth is gone ♪♪" "♪♪ memories don't die ♪♪" "♪♪ like a song they linger on ♪♪ together: ♪♪ so just when ♪♪" "♪♪ i thought you'd ♪♪" "♪♪ remembered it, too ♪♪" "♪♪ fancy, just fancy you forgetting ♪♪" "(applause) i told you i'd play it straight!" "Whoo!" "Hark to that!" "Ooh, i'm real scared." "I can't remember a thing!" "Ah, don't worry." "And poll... don't try to copy the others." "If you really mean what you say on the stage, you can't go wrong." "I'll look after you." "(Piano plays perfect young ladies)" "ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh la la!" "Class dismissed!" "Ooh... ooh... girls, i know." "Let's go and try on our costumes before luncheon!" "Yes, let's!" "Are you coming too, polly?" "Oh, no." "I think i'll just stay here." "I'm expecting daddy any moment." "And aren't you expecting... him?" "Him?" "Oh." "Oh, yes, of course." "How desperately small." "Oh, let's leave her go." "She wants to be alone." "Good-bye." "Man: excusez-moi." "Oh!" "You startled me." "I'm sorry, miss." "I'm afraid i came in the wrong way." "This is the villa caprice, isn't it?" "Yes." "Well, i have a package here for miss polly browne." "Oh, really?" "How funny." "Funny?" "Why?" "Because i'm polly browne." "Well, it's a very pretty name." "Oh, thank you." "And you live up to it." "Oh!" "(Chuckling) i'm sorry, miss." "I'm afraid i'm forgetting myself." "Here's your package." "Oh, thank you." "Don't they make a lovely couple?" "(Tittering)" "i'm so sorry." "I packed it myself, and... well, if you don't mind my saying so, it's a very pretty dress." "Oh, yes, it is, isn't it?" "Yes." "I'm sure that you'll... i mean it... it will be the prettiest at the ball." "Oh, i don't expect so, really." "I do." "In fact, i know it." "Li-i yes?" "Well, perhaps i'd better be going." "Oh, yes." "Oh, no!" "Oh, yes." "Perhaps you had." "Accent!" "Accent!" "I say!" "Yes?" "You're english, aren't you?" "Yes, as a matter of fact, i am." "You don't seem like a messenger boy somehow." "Don't i?" "Well... to tell you the truth, i don't usually do this sort of thing, but just at the moment, i'm afraid i'm rather on my beam-ends." "Oh, what a shame." "And at carnival time, too." "Yes, it's a pity, isn't it?" "I was hoping i'd be able to go to the ball tonight." "I'll be watching." "Oh, will you?" "Yes, of course." "Why don't you come, too?" "Me, come to the ball?" "Yes, why not?" "I've got an extra ticket, and... oh, dear." "You must think me terribly forward!" "No, i don't!" "Li-i i think you're... terribly... terribly... (music plays)" "man sings: ♪♪ i don't claim that i am psychic ♪♪" "♪♪ but one look at you ♪♪" "(mouths words) ♪♪ and i kick away ♪♪" "♪♪ every scruple i learned as a pupil ♪♪" "♪♪ in school, my dear ♪♪ woman: ♪♪ i'm not one to make predictions ♪♪" "♪♪ but i've thrown off all restrictions ♪♪" "♪♪ and by confessing i think it's a blessing ♪♪" "♪♪ that you are here ♪♪" "(both mouthing) m: though i'm prepared m:" "♪♪ to find i'm wrong ♪♪" "♪♪ i've got a funny feeling ♪♪" "♪♪ we belong together ♪♪" "(real singing)" "♪♪ i could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with you ♪♪" "♪♪ if you could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with me ♪♪" "♪♪ i'd be contented ♪♪" "♪♪ to live anywhere ♪♪" "♪♪ what would i care?" "♪♪" "♪♪ As long as you were there ♪♪" "♪♪ skies may not always ♪♪" "♪♪ be blue ♪♪" "♪♪ but one thing is clear as ♪♪" "♪♪ can be ♪♪" "♪♪ i know that i could ♪♪" "♪♪ be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with you, my darling ♪♪" "♪♪ if you could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with ♪♪" "(record skips) ♪♪ happy with ♪♪" "♪♪ happy with ♪♪" "♪♪ happy with ♪♪" "♪♪ happy with ♪♪" "♪♪ happy with ♪♪" "♪♪ happy with ♪♪" "♪♪ happy with... ♪♪" "(waltzing music)" "then you will come to the ball?" "Well, i'll try." "I'll have to see about a costume." "There's a pierrot's costume at gaston's." "Couldn't you borrow it?" "Well, i'll see." "How can i let you know?" "Oh, let me think." "I'll be on the plage at 3:00 this afternoon... on the crazy golf course." "Good-bye till then." "Good-bye." "And i don't even know his name." "Polly!" "Oh, polly!" "I have a visitor for you." "Daddy!" "I'm so happy!" "Are you, my dear?" "I'm glad to hear it." "Has he arrived yet, polly?" "Yes, he's arrived." "He's really arrived." "All: hey!" "♪♪ They're blue without ♪♪" "♪♪ can't do without ♪♪" "♪♪ aren't we just ♪♪" "♪♪ one plus two without ♪♪" "♪♪ that certain big boy ♪♪" "♪♪ the boy friend?" "♪♪" "(Applause)" "♪♪ in my imagination ♪♪" "♪♪ i search the starlit sky so bright ♪♪" "♪♪ in my imagination ♪♪" "♪♪ there i saw you in the night ♪♪" "♪♪ and then one day i found you ♪♪" "♪♪ how could i help but realize ♪♪" "♪♪ my lucky star was smiling ♪♪" "♪♪ right there before my very eyes?" "♪♪" "♪♪ You ♪♪" "♪♪ are my ♪♪" "♪♪ lucky star ♪♪" "♪♪ i saw you ♪♪" "♪♪ from afar ♪♪" "♪♪ two lovely eyes at me ♪♪" "♪♪ they were gleaming ♪♪" "♪♪ beaming ♪♪" "♪♪ i was star struck ♪♪" "♪♪ you wore ♪♪" "♪♪ my lucky charms ♪♪" "♪♪ i'm lucky ♪♪" "♪♪ in your arms ♪♪" "♪♪ you opened heaven's portal ♪♪" "♪♪ here on earth for this poor mortal ♪♪" "♪♪ you are ♪♪" "♪♪ my lucky star ♪♪" "(speaks french) ey?" "He says you were lovely, darling." "Oh, you speak french?" "(Speaking french) ...college de brighton." "En france, naturellement." "(Chuckles)" "(speaking french) merci, mademoiselle." "Au revoir, mademoiselle." "That means good-bye, miss." "She's only an understudy, you know." "Not a real actress." "(Indistinct conversation)" "(speaking french)" "i have a few photographs here of our past successes that might interest you, mr." "Dethrill." "That's me in the chinese bungalow." "And what are you here?" "Oh, that's me as hamlet." "A tragedy." "A travesty." "Here i am in the luck of the navy." "(Speaking french)" "...merci..." "(continues in french)" "(chuckles) ha ha ha ha ha." "(All laugh)" "(snooty french) shaddup." "(Speaking french)" "oui." "Hah!" "Hah!" "All: aah!" "(Several speaking french)" "that champagne cost money!" "We should be safe in here." "Polly!" "We thought you were with the others." "Sorry." "E-excuse us." "Come on, dulcie." "(Baby cries)" "(piano plays)" "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "♪♪ what a lovely day ♪♪" "♪♪ what a lovely day ♪♪" "♪♪ for a dip in the sea ♪♪" "♪♪ oh, what fun it will be ♪♪" "♪♪ won't you come and have a swim with me?" "♪♪" "♪♪ But whatever you do, when i'm swimming with you ♪♪" "♪♪ please remember not to go too far ♪♪" "♪♪ though you may look cute in your bathing suit ♪♪" "♪♪ we don't know who you are ♪♪" "♪♪ there's no knowing who you are going to ♪♪" "♪♪ meet sur la plage ♪♪" "♪♪ you may run up against a rajah ♪♪" "♪♪ or maybe your man ♪♪" "♪♪ will be a poor man ♪♪" "♪♪ sal or susie cannot be choosy ♪♪" "♪♪ for here love's a guessing game ♪♪" "♪♪ sur la plage, sur la plage ♪♪" "♪♪ everyone looks the same ♪♪ hubert!" "Hubert, what are you doing?" "Nothing, my dear." "Just admiring the view." "So different from bognor, isn't it?" "Much prettier." "I feel 20 years younger." "And behaving accordingly, i noticed!" "Really, hubert, how can you after our last... oh, now, hilda, don't take on so." "Tony isn't dead, you know." "His note said he was off to nice." "But he hasn't any money." "We must find him." "Do something, hubert!" "Very well, my dear!" "(Honk honk honk honk) oh, how dare you!" "Stop it!" "♪♪ Sur la plage, sur la plage ♪♪" "♪♪ everyone looks the same ♪♪" "♪♪ there's no saying who ♪♪" "♪♪ may be playing with ♪♪" "♪♪ you sur la plage ♪♪" "♪♪ a knight who's left behind his charger ♪♪" "♪♪ may call you ducky ♪♪" "♪♪ won't you be lucky?" "♪♪" "♪♪ In the ocean, you'll find emotion ♪♪" "♪♪ may play you a funny game ♪♪" "♪♪ sur la plage, sur la plage ♪♪" "♪♪ everyone looks the ♪♪" "♪♪ everyone looks the ♪♪" "♪♪ everyone looks the same ♪♪" "(applause)" "oh!" "Ha ha!" "Ooh..." "(giggles) what do you wear that for, to keep warm in bed?" "So me own wife won't recognize me." "Oh, you!" "(Giggles) ooh, come here." "Oh, there you are!" "Yes." "Did you think i wasn't coming?" "Well..." "I wasn't sure." "Well, you ought to have been." "Oh, and i've seen monsieur gaston about a costume, and it's alright." "Now i shall really enjoy the carnival ball." "So shall I." "By jove... i never thought i should be going to it with anyone like you." "Makes me feel rather nervous, really." "Nervous?" "Why?" "Well... me just a messenger boy, and you a rich young lady from the villa caprice." "Rich?" "Oh..." "i ain't rich." "I thought you could tell that by me accent." "I just work there as... as... madame dubonnet's secretary!" "Do you honestly?" "Y-yes." "Well, then... we're not so different after all." "No." "I'm so glad." "I thought you'd only like... the grand life." "You know, big cars and diamonds and champagne." "Oh, no." "I'm quite content with simple things." "How ripping." "So am i." "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "♪♪ a life of wealth does not appeal to me at all ♪♪" "♪♪ do you agree at all?" "♪♪" "♪♪ I do ♪♪" "♪♪ the mere idea of living in a palace is ♪♪" "♪♪ so full of fallacies ♪♪" "♪♪ that's true ♪♪" "♪♪ i've got a very different ♪♪" "♪♪ sort of scheme in mind ♪♪" "♪♪ it's just a dream designed ♪♪" "♪♪ for two ♪♪" "♪♪ would you care to hear about it ♪♪" "♪♪ dear?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Would i care to?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Can you doubt it ♪♪" "♪♪ dear?" "♪♪" "♪♪ All i want is a room ♪♪" "♪♪ in blooms ♪♪" "♪♪ bury ♪♪" "♪♪ just a room that will do ♪♪" "♪♪ for you ♪♪" "♪♪ and me ♪♪" "♪♪ one room's ♪♪" "♪♪ enough for us ♪♪" "♪♪ though it's on the top floor ♪♪" "♪♪ life may ♪♪" "♪♪ be rough for us ♪♪" "♪♪ but its troubles we'll ignore ♪♪" "♪♪ while i'm reading a book ♪♪" "♪♪ i'll cook ♪♪" "♪♪ a stew ♪♪" "♪♪ then i'll bake a plum duff ♪♪" "♪♪ enough ♪♪" "♪♪ for two ♪♪" "♪♪ you'll be sitting ♪♪" "♪♪ and you'll be knitting ♪♪" "♪♪ and so contented we'll be ♪♪" "♪♪ in our dear little room in bloomsbury ♪♪" "♪♪ all we want is a room ♪♪" "♪♪ in blooms ♪♪" "♪♪ bury ♪♪" "♪♪ just a room that will do ♪♪" "♪♪ for you ♪♪" "♪♪ and me ♪♪" "♪♪ i'll sew the covers for ♪♪" "♪♪ two old cozy armchairs ♪♪" "♪♪ neighbors will love us for ♪♪" "♪♪ we shall laugh at all our cares ♪♪" "♪♪ from the heavens above ♪♪" "♪♪ our love will bring ♪♪" "♪♪ such a bundle of joy ♪♪" "♪♪ our hearts will sing ♪♪" "♪♪ life's so jolly ♪♪" "♪♪ for me and polly ♪♪" "♪♪ a happy family are we ♪♪" "♪♪ all we want is a room in bloomsbury ♪♪" "(applause)" "shh!" "Mademoiselle browne, what would madame dubonnet say if she saw you carrying on with a messenger boy!" "Oh, please don't tell her, hortense!" "Please!" "Mademoiselle, please." "Well, alright." "After all, it is carnival time!" "Oh, mademoiselle!" "Oh, thank you!" "Au revoir, au revoir!" "Good-bye!" "Oh!" "Hortense, do tell!" "Was that mademoiselle browne with her beau?" "I have no idea!" "(Gasps) oh, yes you have." "Go on, hortense, do tell!" "Hortense, is he terribly slick and handsome?" "I do not know what you are talking about!" "Oh, isn't she mean?" "If you just tell me what he's like, hortense, i'll give you that handkerchief sachet!" "And i'll give you those crocheted flowers." "Men: and we'll give you a ride in his car." "Oh, yeah!" "(Speaks french) it is not seemly to be so curious about a young man." "And why not?" "Haven't you ever been curious, hortense?" "All: hortense, do tell!" "Ooh la la!" "Hortense is not so prim as she pretends, eh?" "Ooh!" "Of course she isn't." "After all, she is french." "Yes, i am!" "With... how do you say it... knobs on." "Crikey, the wife." "Ay?" "(Baby cries) oh." "Ha." "And like every good french woman, i have a past." "All: oh, do tell us about it, hortense." "(Piano plays)" "here." "You're not on in this number!" "I am now." "The wife's off after me." "What?" "♪♪ I'm often asked if i would like to travel ♪♪" "♪♪ and visit other lands across the sea ♪♪" "♪♪ but though it might be pleasant ♪♪" "♪♪ i think that for the present ♪♪" "♪♪ this is the place where i prefer to be ♪♪" "♪♪ let others go to sweden or slam ♪♪" "♪♪ i think i stay exactly where i am ♪♪" "♪♪ they say it's lovely when a ♪♪" "♪♪ young lady's in vienna ♪♪" "♪♪ but it's nicer, much nicer in nice ♪♪" "♪♪ in amsterdam or brussels ♪♪" "♪♪ the men have great big muscles ♪♪" "♪♪ but they're nicer, much nicer in nice ♪♪" "♪♪ i've heard that the italians ♪♪" "♪♪ are very fond of dalliance ♪♪" "♪♪ and they're all so keen on it in greece ♪♪" "♪♪ but whatever they may say ♪♪" "♪♪ this is where i want to stay ♪♪" "♪♪ for it's so much nicer in nice ♪♪" "♪♪ she says it's nicer, much nicer in nice ♪♪" "♪♪ she says it's nicer, much nicer in nice ♪♪" "♪♪ some people's one desire is ♪♪" "♪♪ to go to buenos aires ♪♪" "♪♪ but it's nicer, much nicer in nice ♪♪" "♪♪ the laws are rather vague in ♪♪" "♪♪ the town of copenhagen ♪♪" "♪♪ but they're nicer, much nicer in nice ♪♪" "♪♪ and some may like a flutter ♪♪" "♪♪ in bombay or calcutta ♪♪" "♪♪ but they might have trouble with the police ♪♪" "♪♪ ooh la la ♪♪" "♪♪ other places may be fun ♪♪" "♪♪ but when all is said and done ♪♪" "♪♪ it is so much nicer in nice ♪♪" "♪♪ but it's nicer ♪♪" "♪♪ much nicer in nice ♪♪ ah ha ha ha ha ha!" "♪♪ But it's nicer ♪♪" " ♪♪ much nicer in nice ♪♪ - do something!" "Ooh, la la!" "♪♪ But they might have trouble ♪♪" "♪♪ with the police ♪♪ ooh, mon dieu!" "♪♪ Though i know a love affair ♪♪" "♪♪ is delicious anywhere ♪♪" "♪♪ it's so much nicer in nice ♪♪" "♪♪ some may like a flutter ♪♪" "♪♪ in bombay or calcutta ♪♪" "♪♪ but they might have trouble with the police ♪♪" "♪♪ other places may be fun, but when all is said and done ♪♪" "♪♪ it's so much nicer ♪♪" "♪♪ so much nicer ♪♪" "♪♪ so much nicer ♪♪" "♪♪ in nice ♪♪" "(laughter)" "and now i really must go." "Polly, would you..." "yes?" "Would you kiss me good-bye?" "Yes, if you want me to." "Was that alright?" "Oh." "Oh, yes." "Word perfect." "Dethrill will whisk you off to hollywood after this." "Oh, hollywood?" "Don't!" "If i just get through the show, it would be enough for me." "It was nice of you to rehearse with me." "Thanks." "Oh, that's alright." "I wish i was playing tony." "I'm glad i couldn't find him." "He seems to avoid me offstage." "Yet he's very kind." "I suppose i'm just not his type." "I wonder who he'd..." "really go for." "Oh, well, if seeing is believing, i reckon it's someone like dulcie." "(Whistling) hey, toots, you're quite a hoofer." "Oh!" "Ta!" "I'll have to teach you the double trip... maxie ford... with a knickerbocker break." "That's good." "Where'd you learn that?" "Search me, toots." "You see, as a kid i was kicked in the head." "And when i came to, amnesia..." "(music plays)" "♪♪ percy, percy ♪♪" "♪♪ please have mercy ♪♪" "♪♪ why must you always be so sad and gloomy?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Why can't you be a little nicer to me?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Cheri, cheri ♪♪" "♪♪ please be merry ♪♪" "♪♪ when i am trying to be bright and jolly ♪♪" "♪♪ it isn't nice to be so mel-an-choly ♪♪" "♪♪ oh, dear ♪♪" "♪♪ i got the you-don't-want to-play-with-me blues ♪♪" "♪♪ don't-want-to-play with-me blues ♪♪" "♪♪ it's clear ♪♪" "♪♪ i got the you-don't-want to-stay-with-me blues ♪♪" "♪♪ don't-want-to-stay with-me blues ♪♪" "♪♪ i am ♪♪" "♪♪ so good ♪♪" "♪♪ at spreading mirth and joy ♪♪" "♪♪ but it's ♪♪" "♪♪ no good ♪♪" "♪♪ with such a sulky boy ♪♪" "♪♪ i try ♪♪" "♪♪ to play the game the other fellows all choose ♪♪" "♪♪ the other fellows all choose ♪♪" "♪♪ i sigh ♪♪" "♪♪ because you always ♪♪" "♪♪ refuse ♪♪" "(ri-i-iip)" "♪♪ what is a girl ♪♪" "♪♪ to do?" "♪♪" "(Snap!" ")" "♪♪ with such a boy as you?" "♪♪" "♪♪ I've got those dreary ♪♪" "♪♪ weary ♪♪" "♪♪ you-don't-want-to play-with-me blues ♪♪" "♪♪ oh, dear ♪♪" "♪♪ i've got the you-don't want-to-play-with-me blues ♪♪" "♪♪ don't-want-to-play with-me-blues ♪♪" "♪♪ it's clear ♪♪" "♪♪ i've got the-you-don't want-to-stay-with-me blues ♪♪" "♪♪ don't-want-to-stay with-me blues ♪♪" "♪♪ i am so good ♪♪" "♪♪ at spreading mirth and joy ♪♪" "♪♪ but it's no good ♪♪" "♪♪ with such a sulky boy ♪♪" "♪♪ i try ♪♪" "♪♪ to play the game the other fellows all choose ♪♪" "♪♪ the other fellows all choose ♪♪" "♪♪ i sigh ♪♪" "♪♪ because you always ♪♪" "♪♪ refuse ♪♪" "♪♪ what is a girl to do ♪♪" "♪♪ with such a boy as you?" "♪♪" "♪♪ I've got those dreary ♪♪" "♪♪ weary ♪♪" "♪♪ you-don't-want-to play-with-me blues ♪♪" "♪♪ i've got those ♪♪" "♪♪ dreary ♪♪" "♪♪ weary ♪♪" "♪♪ you-don't-want-to play-with-me blues ♪♪" "she told me she had a headache from the charleston." "Well, she didn't at all." "I think there's gonna be trouble with the chaps." "Hmm... maybe some people don't like being double-crossed." "Well, we've got to look after ourselves." "(Piano plays)" "maisie!" "Maisie!" "Mais... oh, here you are at last." "I've been looking everywhere for you." "Have you?" "I've been for a bathe with fay." "Oh, with fay." "Are you sure there wasn't anybody else with you?" "What if there was?" "I can go bathing with whom i choose." "I wish you'd choose me." "You're just a boy." "Maybe i want someone more mature." "Say the right lines or shut up!" "But maisie, why?" "Because i want to have a good time while i'm young!" "After all, i'm only 17." "Heh heh." "But i can show you a good time." "It's not as if i hadn't got plenty of cash." "Money isn't everything, though it certainly helps." "One more ad lib like that, toots, and you're gettin' a knuckle sandwich." "Ha ha ha." "But, maisie, when are you gonna come and see my yacht again?" "You liked that, didn't you?" "Oh, yes!" "It's a very dinky yacht." "I like yachts." "Mademoiselle maisie." "Oh, alphonse!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "You look ravissant!" "Behave yourself or i'll belt ya." "Just try it, you little twerp." "Do not forget tonight you will dance the tango with me!" "Of course not!" "Maisie!" "Michael!" "You look enchanting." "Tonight you and i will dance the two-step, yes?" "I can hardly wait!" "Pack it in, you old cow." "Droop off, you faded pansy." "Oh, peter!" "I, too, want to dance with you at the ball, you beat up old bag!" "And so you shall... you bald-headed old letch!" "Maisie!" "Listen to me!" "All:" "listen to all of us." "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "♪♪ you're so fascinating, but it's aggravating ♪♪" "♪♪ that you keep us waiting to hear ♪♪" "♪♪ which one will be ♪♪" "♪♪ your favorite he ♪♪" "♪♪ you're so very taking that our hearts are breaking ♪♪" "♪♪ so you should be making it clear ♪♪" "♪♪ which one of us ♪♪" "♪♪ you'll rate alpha plus ♪♪" "♪♪ now listen ♪♪" "♪♪ bo-oys ♪♪" "♪♪ you should recall ♪♪" "♪♪ i've often said ♪♪" "♪♪ i love you all ♪♪ all: you love us all?" "Yes!" "I love you all!" "♪♪ It's time you learned ♪♪" "♪♪ that i'm no fool ♪♪" "♪♪ where love's concerned ♪♪" "♪♪ i stick to this ♪♪" "♪♪ ru-u-ule ♪♪" "♪♪ there's safety in numbers ♪♪" "♪♪ that's what i believe ♪♪" "♪♪ a girl who's cute ♪♪" "♪♪ at making loot ♪♪" "♪♪ is never likely to grieve ♪♪" "♪♪ the lady who slumbers ♪♪" "♪♪ is left high and dry ♪♪" "♪♪ but i could make ♪♪" "♪♪ an honest buck ♪♪" "♪♪ i always bet ♪♪" "♪♪ on lady luck ♪♪" "♪♪ there's safety ♪♪" "♪♪ in numbers ♪♪" "♪♪ and the more the merrier, say i ♪♪ you... me... hollywood." "Cash register sound:" "(ka-ching!" ")" "(ka-ching!" ")" "(ka-ching!" ")" "whoo!" "Whoo!" "Ya-hoo!" "Yip-ee!" "Ya-hoo!" "Ya-hoo!" "(Ka-ching!" ")" "(ka-ching!" ")" "(ka-ching!" ")" "(speaks french)" "(applause) can you speak french?" "Ah, french!" "I think perhaps i'd better be getting back to the villa." "I have some letters to type." "Oh, do you really have to go so soon?" "Yes, i'm afraid i must." "But i'll see you tonight, won't i?" "I should jolly well think so." "Where shall i meet you?" "Oh, i don't know." "You say." "Well... how about the ball at 9:00?" "Lovely." "I shall be waiting." "Oh, dear." "Tonight seems a very long time away." "Oh, it's not really." "Just a few hours." "Yes." "And it's going to be a wonderful evening, isn't it, polly?" "Yes, i'm sure it is, tony." "But it's just the first... of lots of wonderful evenings, isn't it?" "Yes!" "A-at least, i expect so." "But why shouldn't it be?" "I meant what i said this morning." "♪♪♪♪♪♪ what did you say?" "♪♪ I could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with you ♪♪" "♪♪ if you could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with me ♪♪" "♪♪ i'd be contented ♪♪" "♪♪ to live anywhere ♪♪" "♪♪ what would i care ♪♪" "♪♪ as long as you were there?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Skies may not always ♪♪" "♪♪ be blue ♪♪" "♪♪ but one thing is clear as ♪♪" "♪♪ can be ♪♪" "♪♪ i know that i could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with you, my darling ♪♪" "♪♪ if you could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with ♪♪ oh, no, tony." "I really must go." "Polly?" "Yes?" "Would you... will you kiss me good-bye?" "Oh, yes." "If you want me to." "Have you decided?" "I..." "love... you!" "Oh... good." "(Footsteps approach) oh, gosh!" "Oh, look!" "It's tony!" "I've got a hop it, quickly!" "But what's the matter?" "We must stop him!" "Hey, you there!" "Gendarme!" "Gendarme!" "Gendarme!" "Gendarme!" "Stop, thief!" "Stop!" "Calling the police?" "Oh, surely not!" "Alphonse, tell me quickly." "Who are that lady and gentleman?" "Why, it is the rich milord brockhurst and his wife." "They seem to be chasing a thief." "A thief?" "Oh, no!" "It couldn't be." "And yet, they are rich, and he's penniless." "He told me so himself." "Oh, dear, he must have known all along that i'm not a working girl but a millionaire's daughter." "Oh, dear." "He's just like all the rest!" "Oh, polly, did he steal something from you?" "Yes, he did." "Not your gold bangle!" "No." "Not my gold bangle." "Something much more precious." "What is it, ma petite?" "You look quite pale." "I think i can explain, madame." "That man was... no hortense." "You promised." "What is it, polly?" "It's nothing, madame." "I'm just a little disappointed, that's all." "You see..." "I shan't be going to the carnival ball after all." "♪♪ I could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with you ♪♪" "♪♪ if you could ♪♪" "♪♪ be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with me ♪♪" "♪♪ i'd be contented ♪♪" "♪♪ to live anywhere ♪♪" "♪♪ what would i care ♪♪" "♪♪ as long as y-you ♪♪" "♪♪ were there?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Skies may not always be blue ♪♪" "♪♪ but one thing is clear as can be ♪♪" "♪♪ i know that i could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with you, my darling ♪♪" "♪♪ if you could be happy with ♪♪" "♪♪ me ♪♪" "♪♪ happy we'd be ♪♪" "(applause)" "michael, michael, just slip down to the cantina cafe and get me the ivy perkins trio." "It's nearly tea time, mr." "Max." "They may be playing." "Well, then get me the best musicians in the town." "There are no good musicians in this town." "Well, then get me anybody!" "(Speaks bad french) ah!" "Hollywood!" "No. 'Ollywood." "'Ollywood?" "They drop their ♪♪s in france." "(Sesame) hey, whatsa matter, poll?" "Oh." "Nothing." "I've got something in my eye, that's all." "Don't worry, polly." "You weren't that bad." "The dog, in life, man's firmest friend, is woman's consolation in the end." "Uh... uh... oh, my darling, my... where is he?" " Who?" " Dethrill, of course." "I invited him round for drinks in the green room!" "Perhaps he's colorblind." "Ho ho ho." "Very funny." "You should be on the stage." "You are supposed to be an old man." "So why do you keep dying your white hair black?" "My public wouldn't recognize me from my photograph in the foyer." "No, i suppose they wouldn't." "It's so yellow with age, you'd have to make up as a chinaman!" "Ha ha." "Jealousy will get you nowhere." "Is that my melba spray you're using on that wretched dog?" "She's not a dog!" "She is a king charles!" "Ha ha." "Name-dropping again." "Help me on with my spats, woman." "Ka ka ka ka ka ka ka." "Sharp." "Point." "Sharp." "Point." "He's thinking of turning the show into a film." "Hurry up!" "Tick tock, tick tock, sharp, point, hip, bath, lump... did you blanco them?" "Of course!" "Ah." "Ah." "Ah." "Ah." "(Baby cries) psst!" "(Baby cries)" "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "♪♪ when every day begins ♪♪" "♪♪ when every day is done ♪♪" "♪♪ here in my heart ♪♪" "♪♪ never to part ♪♪" "♪♪ you'll always be the one ♪♪" "♪♪ all i do the whole night through ♪♪" "♪♪ is dream of you ♪♪" "♪♪ with the dawn, i still go on ♪♪" "♪♪ and dream of you ♪♪" "♪♪ you're every thought, you're every thing ♪♪" "♪♪ you're every song i ever sing ♪♪" "♪♪ summer, winter, autumn ♪♪" "♪♪ and spring ♪♪" "♪♪ and were there more than 24 ♪♪" "♪♪ hours a day ♪♪" "♪♪ they'd be spent in sweet content ♪♪" "♪♪ dreaming away ♪♪" "♪♪ when skies are gray, when skies are blue ♪♪" "♪♪ morning, noon, and nighttime, too ♪♪" "♪♪ all i do the whole day through ♪♪" "♪♪ is dream of you ♪♪" "(tony tap dancing) this way, gentlemen, please." "Uh, mr." "Max." "What's this?" "!" "Fred karno's army?" "Where's the ivy perkins trio?" "But you did say get anyone, mr." "Max." "And i was thrown out of the cantina cafe fdr soliciting." "Well, they mustn't be seen." "They'll have to play in a recumbent position." "(Gags) let's pray for an upstage wind." "Nothing must distract dethrill from my performance!" "That goes for you, too, miss." "You just sit still and give me my cues, and i might take you to hollywood with me." "Ah ha ha ha..." "(sings scales)" "bonsoir, ma petite." "Oh... you startled me!" "Oh, you are english." "I thought you were french." "Oh!" "Did you honestly?" "Well, i'm not." "(Laughs) i didn't mean to be rude!" "Oh, that's alright." "It's just that... i'm rather fed up with france." "Ha ha!" "I can't imagine a pretty little thing like you being fed up with anything!" "Well, i am." "And not just with france." "I'm also fed up with boys." "With boys?" "!" "Well, why not... try something older?" "Something... older?" "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "You're supposed to be a nurse, not a tart!" "Ha ha ha!" "Something older... like me, for instance." "♪♪ I may be too old to run a mile ♪♪" "♪♪ run a mile?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Yes, run a mile ♪♪" "♪♪ but there's one thing ♪♪" "♪♪ i still do very well ♪♪" "♪♪ i may be too old to climb a stile ♪♪" "♪♪ climb a stile?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Yes, climb a stile ♪♪" "♪♪ but there's one thing at which i still excel ♪♪" "♪♪ although my hair is turning gray ♪♪" "♪♪ yes, it's rather gray ♪♪" "♪♪ i still believe it when i say ♪♪" "♪♪ well, what do ooh ♪♪" "♪♪ say?" "♪♪" "♪♪ It's never too late to have a fling ♪♪" "♪♪ for autumn is just as nice as spring ♪♪" "♪♪ and it's never too late to fall ♪♪" "♪♪ in love ♪♪" "♪♪ boop-a doop, boop-a doop, boop-a doop ♪♪" "♪♪ it's never too late to wink an eye ♪♪" "♪♪ i'll do it until the day i die ♪♪" "♪♪ it's never too late to fall in love ♪♪" "♪♪ boop-a doop, boop-a doop, boop-a doop ♪♪" "♪♪ if they say i'm too old for you ♪♪" "♪♪ then i shall answer, why, sir ♪♪" "♪♪ one never drinks the wine that's new ♪♪" "♪♪ the old ones taste much nicer ♪♪" "♪♪ a gentleman never feels too weak ♪♪" "♪♪ to pat a pink arm or pinch a cheek ♪♪" "♪♪ it's never too late to fall in love ♪♪" "♪♪ says who?" "♪♪ ♪♪ Says me ♪♪" "♪♪ says you?" "♪♪ ♪♪ Says me!" "♪♪" "♪♪ Says both of us together ♪♪" "♪♪ it's never too late to whisper words ♪♪" "♪♪ concerning the ways of bees and birds ♪♪" "♪♪ and it's never too late to fall in love ♪♪" "♪♪ whack-a-do, whack-a-do, whack-a-do!" "♪♪" "Push me back!" "♪♪ It's never too late to flirt and spoon ♪♪" "♪♪ a fiddle that's old is more in tune ♪♪" "♪♪ and it's never too late to fall in love ♪♪" "♪♪ whack-a doo, whack-a doo, whack-a doo ♪♪" "♪♪ the modern artists of today ♪♪" "♪♪ may paint their pictures faster ♪♪" "♪♪ but when it comes to skill, i say ♪♪" "♪♪ you can't beat an old master ♪♪" "♪♪ it's never too late to bill and coo ♪♪" "♪♪ at any age, one and one make two ♪♪" "♪♪ it's never too late to fall in ♪♪" "♪♪ never too late to fall in ♪♪" "♪♪ never too late to fall in ♪♪ both: ♪♪ love ♪♪" "ladies and gentlemen, i proudly present... my latest cinematographic fantasy for the service green entitled beauty and the bath chair." "♪♪♪♪♪♪" "(musicians play off-key)" "(applause)" "♪♪ it's never too late to blow a kiss ♪♪" "♪♪ especially at a time like this ♪♪" "♪♪ no, it's never too late to fall in love ♪♪" "♪♪ vo-de-o, vo-de-o, vo-de-o ♪♪" "♪♪ it's never too late for fun and larks ♪♪" "♪♪ a jolly old flame has lots of sparks ♪♪" "♪♪ and it's never too late to fall in love ♪♪" "♪♪ vo-de-o, vo-de-o, vo-de-o ♪♪" "♪♪ the modern buildings that you see ♪♪" "♪♪ are often most alarming ♪♪" "♪♪ but i am sure that you'll agree ♪♪" "♪♪ a ruin ♪♪" "♪♪ can be charming!" "♪♪" "There's dog's dirt all over your spats, sir." "(Laughter)" "♪♪ oh, it's never too late ♪♪" "♪♪ to fall in ♪♪" "♪♪ never too late to fall in ♪♪" "♪♪ never too late to fall in ♪♪ both: ♪♪ love ♪♪" "(piano plays)" "the outrage, mr." "Dethrill." "The girl's taken leave or her senses!" "She's dismissed." "She can pack her bags and leave at the end of the week." "She's sacked, fired!" "You've had your chance, and you've lost it!" "(Piano plays)" "♪♪♪♪♪♪ so she came to the ball after all." "Poor child." "How sad she looks." "Let me talk to her." "I know how she is feeling." "We all missed you like mad!" "Didn't we, chaps?" "Yes, we did, polly." "Polly, you'll never guess what's happened to us." "We've all been proposed to." "But we haven't been accepted yet." "We're letting them know at midnight." "Polly, what a shame your fella turned out to be a... a rotter and a cad." "Shh!" "You do not wish to dance, polly?" "Until i dance with him, madame, i will never dance again." "Never mind." "The night is still young." "You know, polly, when i look at you in that sweet costume, you remind me... of a song i once knew." "Do i, madame?" "Can you sing it?" "Yes." "I think so." "♪♪ There is an old french legend ♪♪" "♪♪ that's set to an old french tune ♪♪" "♪♪ it tells how pierrot loved pierrette ♪♪" "♪♪ under a summer moon ♪♪" "♪♪ every night the lovers meet ♪♪" "♪♪ just as the clock strikes nine ♪♪" "♪♪ then he gives her kisses sweet ♪♪" "♪♪ as vintage wine ♪♪" "♪♪ but alas, one fateful night ♪♪" "♪♪ pierrette is forsworn ♪♪" "♪♪ there she stands, forlorn ♪♪" "♪♪ till the cold, gray dawn ♪♪" "♪♪ poor little pierrette ♪♪" "♪♪ where's your pierrot?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Why are you all alone?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪♪" "♪♪ you should be so fancy free ♪♪" "♪♪ your heart should be high ♪♪" "♪♪ but instead, you hang your head ♪♪" "♪♪ and try not to cry ♪♪" "♪♪ ah ah ah ♪♪" "♪♪ poor little pierrette ♪♪" "♪♪ you mustn't show ♪♪" "♪♪ your dream of love ♪♪" "♪♪ has flown ♪♪ ♪♪ ah ah ah ah ♪♪" "♪♪ just keep on dancing ♪♪" "♪♪ till the dawn and then ♪♪ ♪♪ ah ah ah ah ♪♪" "♪♪ he may come back again ♪♪" "♪♪ poor little pierrette ♪♪" "♪♪ where's your pierrot?" "♪♪" "♪♪ Why are you all alone?" "♪♪" "♪♪ You should be ♪♪ ♪♪ ah ah ♪♪" "♪♪ so fancy free ♪♪ ♪♪ ah ah ♪♪" "♪♪ your heart should be high ♪♪" "♪♪ but instead ♪♪ ♪♪ ah ha ha ♪♪" "♪♪ you hang your head ♪♪ ♪♪ ah ah ha ♪♪" "♪♪ and try not to cry ♪♪" "♪♪ poor little pierrette ♪♪" "♪♪ you mustn't show ♪♪" "♪♪ your dream of love has flown ♪♪" "♪♪ just keep on dancing ♪♪" "♪♪ till the dawn and then ♪♪" "♪♪ he may come back ♪♪" "♪♪ a... gain ♪♪" "may i have this dance, pierrette?" "I'm afraid i can't dance with a stranger." "But i am pierrot... you are pierrette." "Surely we are not strangers." "But i don't know who you are." "Maybe this..." "will remind you." "It isn't..." "it can't be!" "Yes, it's me!" "Tony!" "Polly!" "Dulcie and i made it between us during the show." ""Happy first night." "I love you." "Tony."" "Oh!" "Blow it out then." "Hubert, it's tony!" "Oh, we've found him at last!" "My son!" "Mother." "Tony!" " My boy!" " Father!" "And whom, may i ask, is this young man?" "This, sir, is my son, the honorable tony brockhurst!" "The honorable tony brockhurst?" "Oh!" "Yes, polly." "I'm afraid i'm not a messenger boy after all." "Can you forgive me?" "Oh, yes, of course!" "And who, may i ask, is this young woman?" "That, madame, is my daughter, and I... am percival browne." "Not... percival browne the millionaire?" "Yes." "I'm afraid i've deceived you, too." "I'm not a secretary after all." "Can you forgive me?" "Oh, of course, my darling!" "Ooh la la!" "It seems that love is in the air tonight." "It is, indeed." "I, too, polly, have some news." "Have you, daddy?" "How thrilling!" "May i tell her, kiki?" "Of course." "She should be the first to know." "Very well, then, polly." "Madame dubonnet has consented to become..." "my wife." "Oh!" "Maisie, it's midnight." "Have you thought it over?" "And you?" "And you?" "Et toi?" "Women: after due consideration, we have come to the conclusion that the answer is unanimously... yes!" "Men: swell!" "Now where shall we go for the honeymoon?" "All: the riviera!" "Man: ready when you are, mr." "Dethrill." "Background." "Action!" "1 take 1." "Standby." "♪♪ Wriggle your hips and kick up your heels ♪♪" "♪♪ you'll be surprised how lovely it feels ♪♪" "♪♪ everybody's doing the riviera ♪♪" "♪♪ wiggle your fingers waggle your toes ♪♪" "♪♪ just how it started, nobody knows ♪♪" "♪♪ everybody's doing the riviera ♪♪" "♪♪ multimillionaires and their little pets ♪♪" "♪♪ do it ♪♪" "♪♪ even maiden ladies who wear lorgnettes ♪♪" "♪♪ have taken to it ♪♪" "♪♪ tell everyone to give out the news ♪♪" "♪♪ this is the way to shake off the blues ♪♪" "♪♪ everybody's doing the riviera ♪♪" " yeah!" " Playback." "Quiet on the set, everybody!" "2... 1, and... hushed voices:" "♪♪ get on the dance floor ♪♪" "♪♪ get in the swing ♪♪" "♪♪ this is the time for ♪♪" "♪♪ having a fling ♪♪" "♪♪ everybody's doing ♪♪" "♪♪ the riviera ♪♪" "♪♪ clap-a your hands and ♪♪" "♪♪ slap on your thighs ♪♪" "♪♪ grin like a goon and ♪♪" "♪♪ roll up your eyes ♪♪" "♪♪ everybody's doing ♪♪" "♪♪ the riviera ♪♪" "♪♪ all the bright young things and their bright young beaus ♪♪" "♪♪ do it ♪♪" "♪♪ even duchesses and their gigolos ♪♪" "♪♪ have taken to it ♪♪" "♪♪ ain't it terrific, ain't it the top?" "♪♪" "♪♪ You gotta dance right on till you drop ♪♪" "♪♪ everybody's doing the riviera ♪♪" "♪♪ i know that i could ♪♪" "♪♪ be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with you, my darling ♪♪" "♪♪ if you could be happy ♪♪" "♪♪ with me ♪♪" "(applause)" "(piano plays)" "(applause picks up)" "(applause picks up)" "well done, love." "You saved the show." "A star is born." "You're welcome to be the star of a crummy show like this." "And you can understudy my part tonight, dearie." "The public likes you." "Dethrill likes you." "I like you." "You can stay on for another week." "A double salary, of course." "We'll discuss that later." "We'll discuss the young lady now, if you don't mind." "She's a jonah!" "I've never known of a force like it!" "Ad-libbing, upstaging, a family row on stage?" "Cakes and buskers?" "!" "My professional career in tatters!" "My hard-won reputation ruined!" "And it all started with her!" "Either she goes, or i go!" "That's easily settled." "I've been thinking for some time of taking over your part." "I'm really miscast as lord brockhurst." "Far too young." "Pay no attention to him, mr." "Max." "He's rather overwrought!" "Don't bother me now." "Mr. Dethrill and i have things to see to." "Bonjour, mr." "Dethrill!" "(Speaking bad french) ...hollywood!" "(Speaks german) ...fraulein polly." "For polly." "Can't you speak german?" "German?" "I think i will make, uh... singing in the rain." "I'll send you a post card from hollywood, chaps." "There, my darling." "We'll make you the most lovely-smelling lady in christendom." "Just rehearsing." "Hoo-eee!" "Hey!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Look!" "Look!" "♪♪ Pa pa pa pum pa pa pa pum ♪♪" "♪♪ brrr pa pa brrr pa pa ♪♪" "♪♪ pum pum pum pum ♪♪" "♪♪ pa pa pa pum pa pa pa pum ♪♪" "♪♪ brrr pa pa ♪♪" "♪♪ pa pa pa pum pa pa pa pum ♪♪" "♪♪ pa pa pa pa pum!" "♪♪" "You know the double trip maxie ford with a knickerbocker break!" "Well, i taught it to you." "Both: i thought you were dead!" "No, i lost my memory!" "No, i wasn't dead!" "Pop?" "My son!" "I can't believe it!" "Neither can i!" "Come!" "Ha ha ha!" "Mr. Dethri... it's all a game." "Good-bye, miss." "Zoom!" "Hope your headache gets better!" "Both: ha ha ha ha!" "(Giggling)" "(beep beep) bye, y'all!" "Bye!" "Have fun!" "From dethrill!" "What does it say?" "Oh, nothing." "Come on." "Let me look." "Gosh!" "He wants you to go to hollywood." "Should i help you pack?" "No." "Let's go find our room in bloomsbury." "I think i'll take the cloth." "Like to bet on your first customers?"