"What would I do without you?" "No!" "Something turned him into a monster." "What are we dealing with, do you know?" "Croatoan." "It's a virus." "Of, plague and pestilence." "Who knows how far this thing can spread?" "It's Crowley, right?" "Why exactly would you want the devil dead?" "Survival." "If Lucifer manages to exterminate human kind... we're next." "The cage you sprung Lucifer from... you can shove his ass back in." "The key to the cage... four rings... from the Horsemen." "Well, we got War's." "We nicked Famine's." "That's two rings down." "Collect all four." "All we need is, Pestilence and Death." "Oh, is that all?" "Doctor" "Doctor" "It's a load of crap..." "pure profit-driven crap." "Well, swine flu..." "it's an epidemic." "Yeah, well, if Niveus was really worried about the epidemic, they'd be giving the vaccine out for free." "This supposed new formula..." "Well, they say it's faster-acting." "Well maybe it is, but human trials this week?" "Yeah, it does seem a little rushed." "A little rushed?" "Have you even seen the new vaccine?" " No." " Yeah, neither have I." "I have." "Who the hell are you?" "I'm running the experiment." "Ohh!" "What the hell?" "!" "Relax... you're part of it, too." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Get off of me!" "God, no!" "Get off!" "Aah!" "Well, looks like it works." "Season 5 Episode 20 "The Devil You Know"" "Paging Dr. Stateman." "Dr. Stateman, please." "Hey, check it out..." "I look like the king of pop." "Too soon..?" "Too soon." "Don't get me wrong..." "I'm glad the CDC is here, but what we really need is vaccine." " Yeah, you got that right." " Well, tell me... have you noticed anything unusual about the strain... any signs of behavioral change?" " Like aggression, maybe?" " Excuse me?" "Have the flu victims shown any signs of, uh, homicidal tendencies?" "Um..." "Symptomatically speaking, we're looking at a relatively mild case of swine flu here." "Probably add up to a miserable week off of work, and that's about it." "So nothing unusual." "Hmm." "Day and a half ago, we didn't have a single case." "Now we're looking at over 70." "The infectious equivalent of a briefcase bomb." "So, yeah, I might call that a little unusual." "Day and a half?" "That's the same time those statues started crying." "Yep." "I'm sorry, what was that?" "What was what?" "Did you just say a bunch of statues started crying?" "What?" "why, no." "No." "W-who would..." "Who would say that, huh?" "Crazy people." "Exactly." "Yeah, which we are not." "No." "Just... get us some vaccine." "Whew." "Let me guess... another steaming'-hot pile of swine flu." "Yep." "Doesn't make any sense, Bobby." "Pestilence touched down here." "I'm sure of it." "But why is he dealing them soft serve like swine flu when he's got the croatoan virus up his sleeve?" "I-I-I don't get it." "Doesn't matter what the sick son of a bitch is doing." "What matters is, this is the fourth town he's hit that we know of..." "and we're still eating his dust." "Did you get anything?" "We got even a snowball at probable next target?" "Uh, no pattern we can see." "Okay." "Hold on." "Well, far as I can tell, he's still heading east, so... head east, I guess." " East?" " East?" "Bobby, we're in West Nevada... east is practically all there is." "Yeah, well, you better get to driving'." "Say..." "I've got an idea." "Did you get him?" "He's gone." "Fancy a fag and a chat?" "You're upset." "We should discuss it." "Not here, but..." "You want to talk?" "After what you did to us?" "After what I..." "what I did to you?" "!" "I gave you the colt!" "Yeah, and you knew it wouldn't work against the devil!" " I never!" " You set us up." "We lost people on that suicide run... good people!" "Who you take on the ride is your own business!" "Look, everything is still the same." "W-we're all still in this together." "Sure we are." "Call your dog off, please." "Give me one good reason." "I can give you Pestilence." "What do you know about Pestilence?" "I know how to get him." "That's got your interest, doesn't it?" " Are you actually listening to this?" " Sam..." " Are you friggin' nuts?" "!" " Shut up for a second, Sam!" "Shut up, the both of you!" "Look..." "I swear..." "I thought the colt would work." "It's an honest mistake." "It's all part of the learning process." "But nothing's changed." "I still want the devil dead." "Well... one thing's changed." "Now the devil knows that I want him dead." "Which, by the way, makes me the most buggered son in all of creation." "Holy crap... we don't care." "They burnt down my house!" "They ate my tailor!" "Two months under a rock, like a bloody salamander!" "Every demon on hell and earth's got his eyes out for me!" "And yet... here I am... last place I should be... in the road, talking to Sam and Dean Winchester, under a friggin' spotlight!" "So come with me." "Please." "Do you want the Horsemen rings or not?" "Yes, I know all about that." "Shall we?" "Here we are... my life on the lam." "How the mighty have fallen." "Single-pane glass, used contraception in the fireplace." "The water damage alone..." "My heart's bleeding for you." "Now, how do you know about the rings?" "Well, now..." "I've been keeping a close eye on you lot." "We got hex bags." "We're hidden from demons." "All but one." "That night you broke into my house... our first date, my valet hid a tracking device in your car... a magical coin that easily trumps your little bags o' bones." "It allows me to hear things, too..." "And, my, the things I've heard." "So you want to cram the devil back in the box?" "Cunning scheme." "I want in." "You said you could get us Pestilence." "Well, now..." "I don't know where Pestilence is... per se..." "But I do know the demon who does." "He's what you might call the Horsemen's stable boy." "He handles their itineraries, their personal needs." "He's who you want... believe me." "He'll tell us where sneezy's at." "Well, how do we get him to spill?" "Rip out his toe-nails?" "No." "Nuts at his pay grade don't crack." "We bring him here, then I sell him." "Sell him?" "Please..." "I've sold sin to saints for centuries." "Think I can't close one little demon?" "All right, so where's this demon of yours?" "I don't want to hear "weeks."" "I want to hear, "days."" "But the lab isn't even finished testing yet." "You let me worry about the lab." "But, sir, you're asking for distribution on an unprecedented scale." "Well, we have an unprecedented outbreak." "The nation... is terrified of swine flu." "They want our vaccine." "They need our vaccine." "It's called "demand," people." "Now, supply!" "We're doing our best." "Oh, you're doing your best?" "You're doing your best?" "Well, then do the best of somebody better!" "You wanted to see me?" "Mitchell, yes." "Come on in." "Look, Mr. Brady, I know how important this is, and I-I'm sorry if I sounded..." "No apologies." "Mitch, I need people like you." "Really?" "Really." "In fact, there is a position in communications that I think you would be perfect for." "Sounds great." "Is great." "So what do you say?" "You ready to enter the cut-throat world of upper management?" "Awesome." "Awesome." "Ooh." "Watch the shoes, please." "Get the rest later." "Thanks." "Dis manibus praeest praesens Obtine mihi dominum" "Pestilentiarum omnium." "Sir, great news." "The vaccine trials..." "the results have been really quite grotesque." "I think you'll be pleased." "How soon?" "Distribution on this scale..." "I mean, we do need some humans." "We can't possess them all... and don't even get me started on the teamsters." "I..." "I know." "I'm doing my best." "Yes, sir." "The best of someone better." "I will, of course." "Why are we even listening to him, Dean?" "This is totally insane." "I don't disagree." "One big happy family are we, then?" "Fantastic." "You ready to go?" "Yes." "Yes." "I am." "Sam, keep the home fires burning." "What are you talking about?" "Sam's not coming." "And why the hell not?" "Because I don't like you..." "I don't trust you... and oh, yes... you keep trying to kill me." "There's no damn way." "This isn't gonna happen!" "I'm not asking you, am I?" "'cause you're not invited." "I'm asking you." "What's it gonna be?" "Gentlemen... enjoy your last few sunsets." "Wait." "I'll go." "What can I say?" "I believe the guy." "And then Dean just walks... right out the door with Crowley." "Well, look, Sam, I got no love for demons... and, yeah, this whole thing is crazy, but..." "I don't know." "After a year of chasing up zilch... maybe it's time to go crazy." "Yeah, maybe." "Hey, Bobby?" "Yeah?" "Uh... remember that time you were possessed?" "Yeah." "Rings a bell." "When Meg told you to kill Dean, you didn't." "You took your body back." "Just long enough to shank myself, yeah." "Well, how'd you do it?" "I mean, how'd you take back the wheel?" "Why are you asking, Sam?" "Say we can open the cage." "Great." "But then what?" "W-we just lead the devil to the edge and get him to jump in?" "You got me." "What if you guys lead the devil to the edge and I jump in?" "Sam." "It'd be just like when you turned the knife around on yourself." "One action... just one leap." " Are you idjits trying to kill me?" "!" " Bobby..." "We just got done talking your brother off the ledge, and now you're lining up to say "yes"?" "It's not like that." "I'm not gonna do it." "Not unless we all agree." "But I think we got to look at our options." "This isn't an option, Sam." "Why not?" "You can't do it." "What I did was a million-to-one." "And that was some piss-ant demon" "I was brain-wrestling." "You're talking about taking back control from Satan himself." "Yeah." "Yeah, I am." "Kid... it's called "possession" for a reason." "You, of all people, ought to know." "I'm strong enough." "You ain't." "He's gonna find every chink in your armor, Sam, and use it against you." "Your fear, your grief, your anger." "And let's face it... you're not exactly Mr. Anger management." "How are you gonna control the devil when you can't control yourself?" "Demons?" "Nah." "Human shields." "The demons are up top..." "12th floor." "All right, then." "We'll have to find a way in through the back." "You Winchesters make everything so complicated." "Ah, crap." "Oh, crap." "Crap!" "Crap!" "Door's open!" "What?" "You killed them?" "We're on a tight schedule." "Come on." "Now you're squeamish?" "Please." "Go get 'em, tiger." "You're not coming?" "Oh, no." "It's not safe up there." "There's demons." "Yeah, I get that." "Look, just do what I told you, a-and try to be convincing." "It'll work like a charm." "Trust me." "Dean Winchester." "What, no appointment?" "Kind of an 11th-hour thing, you know?" "Well, then, you're just on time." "Have a seat." "How's your brother?" "Well, down to business then." "What can I do for you?" "Actually, it's about what I can do for you." "Really?" "Me and Sam dropped two of your jockeys." "I think you know that." "Yes." "I got the memo." "Well, we kept their, uh, secret power rings." "Mm." "Which is why I'm here." "I heard some folks saying that you wanted them back" "And you were willing to pay." "Hmm." "Where are they?" "Not here." "But you want them, you'll come with me... nice and civil... we'll get out of your little bat-cave here, and we'll discuss a transaction." "Who says I want them?" "What?" "Who... says..." "I want them?" "You know... folks." "See War and Famine, even if I could cram the rings back on their bony fingers," "I doubt it would do much good." "They're withered husks right now... fetal position on the floor... all thanks to you." "So I don't want the rings." "What I want is retribution." "And I'm gonna rip it right out of your ass!" "This... is so good." "Therapeutic, for sure." "You know, Dean, I really owe you one, buddy." "'Cause I feel... so... much... better!" "Dean!" "Dean, now where are you going?" "Come on, we're just getting started!" "Good meeting, Dean." "You know, I'm excited." "Evening, uncle." "What the hell was that?" "That was perfect." "Perfect?" "He didn't want the rings." "He wanted me." "Imagine the surprise on your face." "What?" "Your ignorance and misinformation..." "I mean, it's completely authentic." "You can't fake that." "What?" "I-it went like clockwork." "Not for me, you son of a bitch!" "That's what you get..." "working with a demon." "Hey, hot stuff, watch the upholstery!" "Up yours, mate." "This bit of carving will tie our friend here down." "No zapping off, no smoking out... locked in the meat suit." "An important piece of our bargaining strategy." "Now, up here, we don't want I-50." "Take 93 north." "What are you talking about?" "Look, we can't take this guy back to your brother." "Why the hell not?" "Crowley!" "They got history, all right?" "You want to go anywhere, you start talking." "What history?" "Where's Dean?" "Now... for the record, I'm against this." "Negotiating a high-level defection... it's very delicate business." "What are you talking about?" "I begged Dean not to come back." "We should be miles away..." "from you." "He replied with a colorful rejoinder about my "corn chute."" "So, go ahead." "Go... ruin our last best hope." "It's only the end of the world." "Sam." "What's going on, Dean?" "I need you to stay on mission, okay?" "Focused." "I don't understand." "What's all this about?" "I'm doing this 'cause I trust you." "Trust me to what?" "Sam?" "Sam, is that you?" "Brady?" "Brady hasn't been, Brady in years." "Not since, oh..." "middle of our sophomore year?" " What?" " That's right." "You had a devil on your shoulder even back then." "All right, now, let it all sink in." "You son of a bitch." "You son of a bitch!" "You introduced me to Jess!" "Ding, ding!" "I think he's got it!" " Damn it, Sam!" " I'm gonna kill you!" "Hey, that's enough!" " Get out of my way!" " No." "Get out of my way, Dean." "There is only one way to win, and it ain't by killing that thing in there." "Well... sounds like you got him nice and fluffed." "Thanks so much." "Listen to me." "We need Pestilence to get at the devil, and we need, Brady to get to Pestilence." "Why, because Crowley said so?" "Because we trust him now?" "Like I trusted Ruby?" "Or like I trusted Brady back at school?" "Look... do the math yourself." "If Lucifer wins... he'll turn this place into his kingdom." "When the morning-star cleans house, we all get the mop." "He created us... why would he destroy us?" "That makes no sense." "Look at who... at what he is." "Then take a look at what we are." "Maybe you should be a little less worried about our necks and be a little more worried about yours." "Has crossed my mind." "That's not really the point." "Actually, Crowley..." "that is the point." "No one will know greater torment than you." "Lucifer is never gonna let you die." "As for me, I know the score." "I'm dead, whether I tell you anything or not." "So I think I'll die on the winning side, thanks." "Good talk." "Cheers." "Well, how'd it go?" "He buy your girl scout cookies?" "Not yet." "Where's your moose?" "He's cooling off." "All right, then." "Get bent." "You going somewhere?" "Well, he won't budge." "So now I go stick my neck out." "What are you gonna do?" "Exactly the kind of desperate swash-buckle" "I've been trying to avoid." "Now I go kick open a hive of demons." "This whole bloody ring business better work." "Sam!" "Come on, Sam." "Come on!" "Hey!" "Open the door!" "Open the door!" "Well, here we go." "We doing last words or no?" "Sophomore year, huh?" "Brady, here, he was a good kid... straight arrow." "I mean, your best friend, really." "Perfect point of access." "Thanks-giving." "Yes, sir." "Remember when I came back from break all messed up... dropped out of pre-med, the drugs, the bitches?" "That was the new Brady." "That was me." "Remember how much time you spent trying to get me back on the right track?" "You really were a good friend." "But ol' yellow eyes didn't send me back to be your friend." "No, we could tell we were starting to lose you." "You were becoming a mild-mannered, worthless sack of piss." "Now, come on." "We couldn't have that." "You were our favorite." "So I hooked you up with a pure, sweet, innocent piece of tail." "And then I toasted her on the ceiling." "That's right..." "Azazel might have put the hit out on Jessica... but, man, I got to have all the fun!" "You know, she thought we were friends, too." "Let me right in." "She was baking cookies." "She was so surprised... so hurt when I started in on her." "Come on!" "Do it if it'll make you feel better!" "Do it, Sammy!" "Do it!" "Come on!" "Come on." "Ohh." "Come on." "Hey, hey, hey!" "All right!" "Wait!" "I'm gonna open it." " What happened?" " Nothing." " My ass." " Dean, I'm fine." "Yeah, and what about Brady?" "Like you said... we need him." "God... the day I've had." "Good news." "You're going to live forever." "What did you do?" "Went over to a demons' nest..." "had a little massacre." "Must be losing my touch, though... let one of the little toads live." "Oops." "Also might have given said toad the impression that you left your post last night because you and I are... wait for it... lovers in league against Satan." "Hello, darling." "So, now death is off the table." "Now you get to be on the boss's eternal-torment list with little old me." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "No." "Something else we have in common... apart from our torrid passion, of course... craven self-preservation." "So, now, why don't you tell me where Pestilence is at?" "Oh, God, Crowley." "Was that a hell-hound?" "I'd say yeah." "Why was that a hell-hound?" "What's that?" "Remember I was telling you about my crafty little tracking device?" "Yeah." "Demons planted one on me." "You're saying a hell-hound followed you here?" "Well, technically, he followed this." "Get me out of here." "I'll tell you anything you want." " Shut up." " Okay, well, then we should go." "Sorry, boys." "No one knows more about the hounds than I." "You're long past the point of "go."" " Damn it." " I told you!" "Oh, well, good for you." "Luckily, we have salt in the kitchen." "I'll watch Brady." "Watch me?" "Get me the hell out of here!" "Sammy!" "Salt?" "Damn it, get me out of here!" " Shut up!" " Shut up!" "Great." "Just great." "Hey!" "You're back?" "I'm invested... currently." "Stay!" "You can control them?" "Not that one." "I brought my own." "Mine's bigger." "Sic him, boy!" "Go, go, go, go!" "Go, go." "I'll wager you a $1,000, my pup wins." "Yeah." "I'm sure Pestilence will be there." "Thanks." "What do you think?" "It's good." "You got no reason to lie, have you?" "Like I said before, you're in my boat now." "You've screwed me... for eternity." "Nah." "Won't last that long." "Trust me." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to do you a favor." "I expect we'll be in touch." "What is this?" "All those angels, all those demons, all those sons of bitches... they just don't get it, do they, Sammy?" "No." "They don't, Dean." "You see, Brady... we're the ones you should be afraid of." "I bet this is a real moment for you, big boy." "Gonna make you feel all better?" "It's a start." "Gonna make up for all the times that we yanked your chain..." "Yellow eyes, Ruby, me?" "But it wasn't all our fault, was it?" "No, no, no, no." "You're the one who trusted us." "You're the one who let us into your life." "Let us whisper in your ear over and over and over again." "Ever wonder why that is, Sammy?" "Ever wonder why we were so in your blind spot?" "Maybe it's because we got the same stuff in our veins" "And, deep down, you know you're just like us." "Aaah!" "Maybe you hate us so much, because you hate what you see every time you look in the mirror." "You ever think of that?" "!" "Maybe the only difference between you and a demon... is your hell is right here." "Interesting theory." "Yeah, I followed up." "Nasty omens, but none of it's death with a capital "D."" "Well, just give me a ring if it turns into anything." "And, Rufus... you watch your ass out there." "Chin up." "Cavalry's arrived." "Charming." "That won't work on me." "Name's Crowley." "Maybe you've..." "You're Crowley?" "In the flesh..." "of a moderately successful literary Agent out of New York." "Aah!" "I see you have heard of me." "I liked this suit." "What are you doing here?" "Looking out for Crowley." "Meaning...?" "The boys are on to ring number 3, but we still need number 4." "I'm here to help." "You know where death is?" "No." "Haven't the foggiest." "Well, then get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt... you crap margaritas." "That's a mite unfriendly, seeing as I could be getting you death's location in about the time it'd take you to reload." "You're just gonna chat some demons up and hope they don't recognize you?" "God, no." "That could get me killed." "But there is this little spell that I know." "That so?" "Results are 100% guaranteed." "Okay." "Then why are you snake-oiling me?" "Well, it's a little bit... embarrassing." "There's this... technicality." "Uh-huh." "I need a little something to get the magic going." "And what's that?" "You make a wish." "I can give you anything you want, mate... up to and including death's coordinates." "All I need is..." "My soul." "I've done more with less." "Let's just say when they're getting their grammys," "They shouldn't all be thanking God." "It's worth it, Bobby." "Think." "Okay." "Here's my counter." "Ow!" "Bloody hell!" "Feisty." "Get out." "I'll give it right back." "You think I'm a natural-born idjit?" "Quite the contrary." "Look, you're right to be suspicious." "But I'm your ally." "Enemy of my enemy and all that." "I need the devil back in his stock." "In fact, my delicate ass depends on it." "I promise you... temporary loan." "I'll give it... right... back." "Edited by Scooby"