"( Siren wailing )" "Man ( Sighing ):" "You know, we were just gonna release you." "But I got curious when my deputy told me that you, uh, Fino, you were recently arrested for sexually assaulting another student." "( Chuckles )" "And you, uh, will, have a sex tape on your person." "Yeah." "And you, uh..." "Uh, "Natton"?" "No, it's Natan. "Natan"?" "That's a lovely name." "You, Natan, appear to be dressed as a..." "Well, a young Mrs. Doubtfire." "[♪♪]" "( sports plays on TV )" "Oh!" "Sorry." "I'm sorry!" "( Whistling )" "Nice, thank you." "Yeah." "Yes, god damn it." "Yes." "[♪♪]" "( excited chattering )" "Man:" "Fino!" "( Muffled rock music playing )" "Oh, fuck!" "( Rock music plays )" "Check out that girl over there." "Oh, head scarf." "Nice." "What do you think she's doing here?" "What, she can't be here?" "Just 'cause she wears that thing doesn't mean they lock her up at night." "It's unusual, not something we normally see in our living room." "Oh, normal." "Okay." "Mr. normal over here." "Well, I'm sorry, Mr. normal, but some people are different." "Grab me another beer." "You came to your own party." "That's so cool." "( Indistinct ) ( Chuckling )" "I am so high." "Marco, go home." "Go home." "He doesn't even smoke." "Bullshit." "Dude." "Oh, this guy." "What the fuck, man?" "Where were you?" "Sleeping on the job." "I don't know what happened." "I passed out hard." "Let me get a drink first." "Hey, how are you?" "Oh, Nia's here." "You invited her, man?" "Yeah, man." "It's all good." "Don't worry about it." "Jesus." "Hey, what's up?" "Hey." "So I was in this English class once, and there was this girl who wore a head scarf, and i would stare at her all the time." "Doing the class creep thing?" "Oh, yeah." "I dabble in class creep for sure." "As we all do." "Anyway, one day before class, she just whips off her scarf and starts combing her hair right there." "Like "girls gone wild"?" "You joke, but I'm serious." "I was, like, completely taken aback." "She had the most gorgeous long wavy hair." "I don't know what it was, but as soon as I saw that, seriously," "I got a fucking full-on hard-on." "No, I'm serious, okay?" "I'm talking like you wake up from a nap, you got a super-boner, you got that cock-stretching skin." "Do you know what I'm talking about?" "Hell, yeah." "So is your boyfriend coming?" "Yes, David is coming." ""David"?" "Okay, good." "I'm glad." "You told me to invite him." "I know." "I want to meet him." "Yeah, I flirt with you, make inside jokes, and then tease him for having to deal with you later." "I'm like the bad guy in a romantic comedy." "Romantic comedies, huh?" "You always did like the lighter side of life." "Hi." "David, this is Fino." "Nice to finally meet you, David." ""Obsessed" is the word that I'm looking for." "He is obsessed with this girl and what her hair looks like." "What the fuck, man?" "Natan!" "Hey!" "I was just talking about you." "Introduce yourself." "Hi, I'm Natan." "Nice to meet you." "Hi." "So, what happened?" "Oh, uh... well, you can explain." "Nah." "Come on." "Okay." "Um..." "Well, I, uh..." "I finally saw her hair, 'cause she was combing it, and I got an unexpected erection." "That's a sweet story." "Yeah, i mean, boners are so romantic." "Sana, why don't you show him some hair?" "Yeah." "Give him a little peek." "Shut up, sluts." "You two could afford to cover up a little bit." "The story's not supposed to be romantic, okay?" "It's just, you don't expect hair to be so arousing." "I guess body parts gain sexual power, depending on how you treat them." "People can forget how beautiful hair can be." "If you cover it up and only show it during intimate situations like other parts of your body, it can be very erotic." "Glad you agree." "( Chattering )" "I can't." "We can all use one more." "I'm gonna regret this." "To the grand opening of fucked-up city!" "Yeah!" "( Shudders ) Good." "[♪♪]" "( shouts, whoops )" "Yeah, it's just like all these rules, like not smoking, not showing certain body parts..." "All these things can make you a more attractive woman." "David, are you all right?" "Kill me now!" "( Retching )" "So, you don't drink..." "You don't drink at all." "You've never drank." "No, I don't." "I'm not saying that people should join a certain group, but if they do, they should follow the rules." "That's reasonable." "You know what?" "Fuck drinking." "Seriously." "Hangovers are the worst, and it makes you fat." "The freshman 15 is from Jager shots and Miller Lites." "Yeah, but I know, like..." "I know plenty of pathetic dudes who lost their virginity just because of Miller lite and Jager shots." "Another great point." "I mean, do I feel guilty about easily staying at 120 pounds and not getting date-raped?" "No." "I could've just roofied your pineapple juice right now." "I'm not drinking pineapple juice." "Oh, fuck." "Are you serious?" "Oh, somebody's got your virgin roofie colada." "Oh, god." "Hilarious." "Hey, bud, don't drink that." "Oh, fuck." "Natan said you had some old movies you wanted to show me." "( Nervous chuckle ) Yeah." "Yeah, maybe sometime I'll show you." "Show me now." "( Muttering ) Oh, David, are you okay?" "Strong arms." "What are you gonna do with him?" "I'll just take him home." "Are you sure?" "He can crash here." "No, I'm on my way out." "I'll just take him with me." "The guy's done for." "( Grunts )" "Besides, you don't want him puking on everybody." "No, no, no, no." "Thank you so much." "Okay, sit down." "Okay, if you get uncomfortable at any time, just let me know." "Okay." "Okay." "( Man moaning )" "This is not what I expected." "Well, what did you expect?" "Not homemade pornography." "So you don't like it?" "No, I don't like it." "Who are these people, anyway?" "Your parents?" "My parents?" "No, of course not." "Well, then, who are they?" "Whose house did you break into to make this?" "I didn't make this." "I just bought it." "That's even worse." "Who did you buy it off of?" "Some Somalian peddler?" "It's not a kidney off the black market, it's a porno." "It's gross." "Why would you show this to me?" "Because you asked me to." "You begged me to show you." "I didn't know it was gonna be like this." "These people are old and saggy." "This turns you on?" "I am just trying to say that these are real people experiencing real sexual love with each other." "But they didn't agree to let you watch them." "That's probably somebody's mom." "They might be grandparents." "They're not actors." "That's what's weird about it, will." "Okay, listen, Sarah." "This is supposed to be fun." "There is nothing to feel bad about." "( Moaning continues )" "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I can't." "I can't." "I got to go." "Okay, okay." "I'm sorry." "I will take you home." "I'm just not as open as you are." "Yeah, no." "No, it's not you." "I think I've got some issues." "Yeah, I think you do." "Cheers." "Cheers." "Mm." "Mm." "( Coughs ) Oh." "Fino, Fino..." "Hmm?" "What were you gonna ask me earlier, Fino?" "Uh, I don't remember." "I think you do, Fino." "You're nutso." "Let me try to think." "Yeah, okay, I remember." "Lay it on me, Fino." "I'll tell you anything you want." "All right." "I was, um, wondering if you ever let David get rough with you." "You know, like we used to." "Ask David to get rough?" "Yeah." "You never asked him?" "No, never." "Why not?" "David took three shots and literally had to be carried home." "We don't fuck with the lights on." "I don't even know what his penis looks like." "So you don't even want to let him try?" "No, Fino." "It... it would be disappointing." "So why couldn't we have stopped all that stuff?" "I don't really want to talk about this anymore." "Because that's basically what you're doing now, but with some doofus." "Hey." "Boring sex aside, he's a really nice guy." "Oh." "That's what you like, right?" "Nice guys." "You know, for whatever reason, Fino, you were the only guy who would..." "Indulge me." "And it pissed me off you didn't want to anymore." "Great." "I got to get another drink." "Fino..." "Fino..." "Sana!" "Hey, sana!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Uh, can I call you sometime?" "I don't really date that much." "Who said anything about a date?" "Who said anything about a date?" "Oh, well, okay." "Just kidding." "But seriously, uh, maybe we should." "That'd be weird." "Um, charming, but I don't think it would be very appropriate." "Not even as friends?" "Sana?" "I guess i could do that." "Okay." "See ya." "I'm calling you." "Oh, and I'm not gonna show you my hair, pervert." "You're good." "She's..." "Very good." "High and tight." "Thanks, Fino." "I had fun." "I'm sorry about David." "Don't worry about it." "He'll be all right." "Talk to you later?" "Yeah." "( Sighs )" "Last time..." "I promise." "Yeah, I'll, uh, let you know." "( Coughs )" "What the fuck's wrong with you?" "( Exhales sharply )" "( Making explosion noises ) Don't do that." "Yo!" "What up?" "Where were you?" "Fino!" "Yeah?" "Where'd you end up last night, dude?" "Nia's." "I knew it!" "You actually can't say no, can you?" "Saying no is hard." "Will made a girl cry." "You roofie'd a Muslim girl's drink." "She was a terrorist." "She was actually a very, very sweet girl." "You're sweet." "What happened?" "You guys go nuts on each other?" "Yeah." "I walked over there, kicked in the door, slapped her around, pinned her down." "The usual sort of deal." "Why would you invite her?" "You knew that would happen." "I know." "She taunted me like a Spanish bull, and I went for it." "You know, one time, me and this chick choked each other while we fucked." "I'm feeling better already." "When was that?" "Last summer." "I went on tour with Trevor's band, and, uh, me and their merch girl..." "Her name was, uh, Sandy..." "Um, we kind of hit it off, and one night towards the end of the week, we found ourselves in the back of the Van with a bottle of peach vodka." "You know how that goes." "So..." "I was on top, and, uh," "I put my hand against the back panel, sort of bracing myself, and my other hand was on her collarbone." "And I think she thought I was being aggressive or something, so she put her hand on my throat, kind of matching my movements, sort of, and after a minute, I was like, "fuck that." "I'm gonna choke her back."" "So there we are in the back of the Van, choking each other and fucking." "( Groaning )" "Oh, man." "Oh, I'm sorry, guys." "I know I'm a little bit of a mess." "What you're doing is dysfunctional, but at the end of the day, what are you doing?" "You're satisfying a beautiful woman." "Now, there's nothing wrong with that." "I hope you're right." "Fino, I've got an idea that'll cheer you up." "It's not the best move for you in terms of morality, but I'm pretty sure it'll make you feel better." "What?" "Oh, it's good." "It's good." "[♪♪]" "♪ well, I'll write it all down for you ♪" "♪ bitter teeth bitter tune bitter you ♪" "♪ well, you sew what you sew what you say ♪" "♪ still you kill love when you can ♪" "♪ and why?" "Why would you kill this world, my son?" "♪" "♪ and why?" "♪ why would you leave it all for naught?" "♪" "( vocalizing )" "♪ why would these words have claimed come from you?" "♪ you never got a handstand blow job?" "No." "That's not like a real thing that people do." "( Indistinct )" "( Knock on door )" "Who is it?" "It's the cops." "No shit?" "Do you think the gym called the cops?" "You've gone to these things too many times, man." "No way." "That's..." "Calm down, all right?" "I'm sure it's fine." "I'll see what it is." "Hi." "Can I help you?" "Yes." "Does Fino Fiorenzo live here?" "That's me." "Is there something wrong?" "Fino, we need to speak with you." "Can you step outside?" "Sure." "Did Fino just leave?" "I don't know." "Policeman:" "Fino, do you know a Nia green?" "Fino:" "Yeah, she's my ex-girlfriend." "She's your ex-girlfriend?" "Uh-huh." "Well, Fino, we're here to tell you that Nia and her family came into the station to report that you sexually assaulted her." "My god." "Are you serious?" "Yes." "We are very serious." "But we want to hear your side of the story." "She's lying." "That's my side of the story." "So the cuts, the scratches, the bruises, did you do all that to Nia the night you guys had sex?" "Think he's in trouble?" "No, I'm sure he's fine." "At this point, Fino, we're gonna need to take you in to the station." "You're taking me in?" "Yes, that's correct." "God damn it, Nia." "I'm sorry, what's going on here?" "I'm gonna need you to stay right there." "Call my parents, tell them what happened." "Okay." "All right." "( Exhales ) I will heat some coffee." "So, um, this thing the police said you did to this girl, is it true?" "Well, on a purely technical level..." ""On a... on a purely technical level"?" "You know, why do you have to be such a wise-ass?" "Do you think this is a fucking joke?" "No, it's not a joke!" "Why would you do this to somebody?" "Is this the way I taught you..." "To treat people like shit?" "No." "Papa, let me explain." "Mother:" "Enzo, let him talk." "Fuck, my shirt!" "Sit down, sit down." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "It's just that when..." "You hear the police say something like that about your son, you just want to shit yourself." "I'm going to make you a coffee, huh?" "Damn it." "Coffee." "All the goddamn time, coffee." "Pour a shot in it, will ya?" "I'm sorry if i fucked up your shirt or wrang your neck or whatever..." "I'm out of control." "Papa, it's okay." "Just let me explain." "Please explain." "Enzo, let him talk." "Fino, tell us what happened." "Well, when Nia and i were dating, we started experimenting a little, and it got to a point where" "I was pretending to take advantage of her, and she was pretending to resist me." "And that escalated to fake sexual assault-type situations, and we broke up because the appeal wore off for me, but not for her." "Wow." "This is so sick." "I mean, she is such a sick fucking person." "Why would she want that done to her?" "Enzo..." "Why would you want to do it to her?" "Brother:" "Have you seen Nia?" "I'd let her shit in my mouth if she wanted." "Would you shut the fuck up?" "Get the fuck out of here." "I'm serious." "Go sleep with the dogs." "Papa, I'm sorry." "Fino, I'm sorry." "Marco, take it easy." "You really don't understand?" "No, I don't really understand." "What am I supposed to understand?" "This sounds like Sado-masochism to me, like bullshit." "I was obsessed with her." "I would've done anything she wanted." "It doesn't make sense to say, "I'll try this and not that."" "That's bullshit." "What does that mean?" "You know, what if she told you to stick an ice pick in your dick." "Because you've done this, you're gonna do that too?" ""Oh, because I did this, i gotta do that."" "You know, that's..." "That stinks." "She loved it, and it wasn't my favorite thing to do." "It was like wrangling a wild animal every time." "It sounds difficult, Fino." "Thanks, mama." "It got complicated." "Because I didn't like it, the meanness of the situation would build up, which made it more real, and that made her like it even more." "Fino, tell us what happened this weekend." "I saw Nia at a party." "She wanted to get rough one more time." "I agreed." "Fino, you are a sweet boy without a mean bone in your body." "I know that." "You know that." "You would not hurt someone intentionally unless she..." "Asked you to do it or whatever." "Thank you, mama." "So this is important." "Listen." "What she asked you to do this weekend..." "Are you sure it's what she wanted?" "That's exactly the point." "Are you sure that's what she wanted?" "Yes, I'm sure." "Well, then, why would she call the police?" "I don't know." "Sana." "Sana!" "Hey." "Oh, hey, Natan." "How's it going?" "Uh, good, good." "Kind of been a weird week, actually, to be honest." "Sorry I didn't call you back the other day." "I've just been really busy." "Oh, don't worry about it." "Oh, what do you study, by the way?" "I never asked you." "Oh, bio." "Cool." "How about you?" "Uh, film and TV." "Oh, that's cool." "Yeah, I've actually been developing this web series for the past year." "I'm writing, directing, acting, everything." "Oh." "How's that going?" "It's a lot of work, but it's good, it's fun." "What's it about?" "Well, I play this character who looks and acts just like a younger version of Mrs. Doubtfire, from the movie, and she moves from Scotland to L.A. to live with a couple college-age stoners." "Wow, so it's like a prequel." "Uh, not really." "The character looks and acts just like" "Robin Williams' character from the movie, but it's supposed to be a total coincidence." "Okay, and so the stoners can't figure out if she's pretending or actually has never heard of Mrs. Doubtfire and just happens to act and look just like her." "Exactly." "Yeah, that's the fun, I guess." "That's pretty bold." "Yeah." "So do you play one of the stoners?" "No, no, I, uh..." "I play Mrs. Doubtfire, but with a different name." "So you dress like a woman?" "I have been, yeah." "( Laughs )" "Oh, sorry." "That's..." "That's really funny." "Yeah, but there's this whole conceptual side too." "It's a parody, but I'm trying to contribute to this whole Mrs. Doubtfire folklore, you know?" "Where the character keeps coming back in fiction and is always played by a man." "Interesting." "What's it called?" ""Euphegenia." That's her first name." "Cool." "Well, I hope it works out for you." "Yeah." "You know, you should come by set and watch us film." "Oh, I can't." "I actually..." "I have to go." "I got to run." "Sorry." "We're shooting all next week." "Anytime is great." "Call me." "We'll see." "Bye, Natan." "Okay." "Great." "Hey, shithead!" "( Cackling )" "Hey, man." "What's up, guys?" "Hey, will." "How you doin', man?" "You know, not great." "( Bong bubbling )" "Did you talk to Nia?" "No." "It's like she fucking disappeared." "Her housemates say she hasn't been home in days." "That's fucked up." "I just don't even want to talk about it anymore." "It's just a fucking nightmare." "I want to talk about anything else and not deal with this." "Do you want to go out?" "( Bong bubbling ) Yeah, sure." "Okay, okay!" "Yeah!" "Will, any ideas?" "Yeah, I got an idea." "( Chattering )" "Fellas, it's their first a.S.A. Party." "What did he say?" ""Armenian student association."" "Sick." "( Foreign language )" "( Foreign language ) ( Foreign language )" "Rachmaninoff." "Look at those big, beautiful hands." "I'll bet he could finger-bang an orangutan with those hands." "I'm serious." "No one played the piano like this guy played the piano." "Fuck it." "Let's dance!" "Yeah!" "[♪♪]" "sak!" "Sak... sako, sako." "Sako!" "What's up?" "What's wrong?" "Who's that girl in the corner over there?" "Oh, that's Noel, man." "I buy that sticky-icky off her." "Girl drug dealer?" "Girl fucking drug dealer, man." "Oh, my god." "The best." "Hey, you should meet her." "You should meet her." "Yeah?" "Why?" "I'm not 100%, but I hear she might have a picture of herself." "Like what kind of stuff?" "I hear she likes recording herself doing things, man." "It may be sexual, it may be just weird shit." "I don't know." "She's an odd person, so who knows?" "Righteous." "( Shouting, cheering )" "( Chattering )" "Here we go!" "( Rhythmic chanting )" "Hey, there." "What the hell do you want?" "Uh... um..." "I was just kidding." "I'm sorry." "I couldn't resist." "Oh, Jesus." "Oh, my god." "Want to hit this?" "Yes." "Yeah, thank you." "Oh, my god!" "What you did there was comedy gold." "Yeah, it looked like you were about to cry." "Hmm-mm." "No." "I was considering suicide." "I have a cyanide tablet in my wallet for exact situations like this." "Wild guy!" "[♪♪] oh, my Jesus." "There's one guy to do something daring to get my attention." "Yeah, like Robin hood type of shit." "Yeah." "Some action." "I've had enough captivating conversation." "All right." "What are you doing later?" "Um, I'm staying at a friend's." "You want daring?" "I'll bet you 20 bucks that you end up in my bedroom tomorrow morning." "What?" "You heard me." "You, in my bedroom, tomorrow morning." "All right." "Let's make a deal." "All right, it's a deal." "Okay." "Where's the pot?" "Shit." "Yes!" "Fuck, yeah!" "( Sniffs )" "( Chanting )" "Hey, are you looking for this?" "I found it in the bathroom." "You are my savior." "Thank you so much." "No problem." "Hey, we got to get this guy home." "Shit." "( Muttering ) Talk to you later." "Will, come on, man, let's go!" "Okay." "Don't forget our bet." "Get the fuck out of here!" "( Chanting, shouting )" "( Woman laughing )" "Oh, my god!" "Rise and shine." "It's tomorrow morning, and you're in my room." "You're not a very good thief." "You owe me 20 bucks." "Looks like you smoked that and then some." "Shit." "Yeah." "Sorry." "I guess you earned it." "Was I daring enough?" "Not bad." "What are those?" "Um..." "They're just old movies." "What, like "gone with the wind"?" "Um... no." "It's homemade pornography." "You like that stuff?" "I don't know yet." "You want to convince me?" "Yeah." "I can do that." "So I got this video from my friend's cousin." "These are his parents." "I mean, I think my friend needs some help." "But it's okay for you?" "Yeah." "I'm not related to these people." "Okay, break this down for me." "How is this appealing?" "Well, I mean, this couple is far from in their prime, but the fact that you can tell that the woman used to have a nice body..." "Nice..." "And, I mean, she is working it like she is young, you know?" "Show me more." "Yeah?" "Someone younger." "All right." "( Whistles )" "Okay, so, the first time I ever got drunk with my family was last Christmas Eve, and my weird, creepy uncle, i told him about my stash, he says I got to see something," "so he brings me upstairs, and he shows me this." "This is from the bloomingdale's manager." "I like this one." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Um, 'cause it's like, as voyeurs and as this couple, we're both doing something we're not supposed to." "Yeah." "This couple's being naughty in the dressing room, and they know it, and that's part of the fun, and we're watching 'em." "It's like we're connecting through breaking rules." "Yeah." "That makes sense." "I like the half-clothes-on sex from behind." "You know, like the clothes are there to remind you about railing part." "I don't know." "Yeah." "Yeah, I get that." "So what's your favorite video?" "My favorite video?" "Yeah." "Let's see." "This is my girlfriend at the time, Ana." "She said I could film her if I kept it classy." "God, I love this one." "It's really pretty." "Okay, so, yeah, I'm just gonna be walking in right here." "Yeah, and we're locked up over there, so yeah." "Cool." "You all good?" "Sweet." "Quiet all around." "All right, quiet all around, and whenever you're ready." "( High voice ) Smoking joints?" "Yeah, Mrs. Dumdtire." "Is that all right?" "Mrs. Dumdtire, could you say your first name again?" "Euphegenia." ""Euphefegina"?" "Euphegenia." "Euphevagina." "Youthful vagina." "Okay, let's cut." "Sorry." "Cut." "No, I'm glad you think it's funny." "Uh, okay, let's take it from Seth's next line, and, Seth, can you just dial up the curiosity?" "Yeah, that works." "Okay, cool." "Let's, uh..." "let's go again." "I'm ready." "( Clears throat )" "So is "Euphengenagia" an English name?" "Aye, dear." "King's English." "But I will not have smoking joints in my living room." "Tell her." "We smoke pot 'cause we got our cards, and we need it to sleep." "We think you're a great roommate." "It's been pretty much perfect so far, 'cause you clean, and you make that tea that we love, it's great." "And you take home takeout food and put it on plates so it feels like a home-cooked meal." "That was the way in Scotland." "Yeah, it's awesome." "And we're really happy with it so far." "I'm very happy to be here too." "( Snickering )" "But nannies do not break law!" "Your face." "You should see your face." "( Both giggling )" "( Chattering )" "Cut." "All right, good." "That was good." "Very, very funny stuff." "That's what we're gonna shoot the next thing for." "Perfect cliffhanger." "Nice work." "It was fun working with you." "Yeah, for sure." "It's clear." "Hey." "That was actually pretty funny." "Thanks, thanks." "I'm glad you could come watch." "Yeah." "No worries." "Uh, I'm gonna go get some dinner." "Are you hungry?" "Um, is everybody going?" "Yeah." "They're just gonna clean up some stuff, but I was gonna go ahead and get a table, if you want to come." "Sure." "Fine." "Cool." "Great." "Let's do it." "Aren't you gonna get changed?" "No, it's kind of a pain in the ass." "Oh." "Okay." "Sweet." "Let's go." "Thank you." "( Phone ringing )" "So, the biggest thing right now is for us to figure out Nia's motivation for lying." "I need you to think, concentrate." "Is Nia looking to achieve some sort of financial gain?" "I don't know." "Extorting money from you and your family?" "Is she mentally ill?" "On drugs?" "No." "I don't know." "Do you have any idea why she'd do this?" "I'm trying to figure it out." "Is there anything you can think of, anything you said anything that may have triggered her?" "( Knocks on table ) Fino." "Oh, god, I'm sorry." "Um..." "I don't know." "I'm trying to figure it out." "Mother:" "What are you thinking?" "( Exhales )" "I don't know." "What if I can't trust my memory of things?" "Oh, Fino..." "( Speaks French )" "Now, we are going to decide once and for all, are you a criminal?" "No." "I mean, I don't know." "It doesn't make sense otherwise." "Okay, let us assume in the American way that you are innocent until proven guilty." "Huh?" "Why would Nia accuse you?" "Maybe somebody saw her the next day or heard us or something." "Maybe." "Maybe she want to get you back for something." "Maybe she want to push your button?" "This much, though?" "Why would she do that?" "Fino, even as a little boy, you are so calm and so sweet-tempered." "That is why I was surprised to hear that you could do this." "I don't mean what she accused you of." "I mean the..." "The rough lovemaking." "All right." "How do you do that if you don't like it?" "So how was I able to physically do what was necessary for Nia to be satisfied?" "Maybe it is like, um..." "Ah..." "The, um..." "( Speaks French )" "Direct translation:" ""The incredible hulk."" "Ah." "Maybe with the emotion and the desire and the passion, you can become the person who would do this." "Uh, probably not the best image to bring up in a court..." "The idea that in the heat of passion, I rip off my shirt and become this violent alter-ego, but..." "Yeah, I get it." "Maybe you need to be pushed to be this sex hulk." "Mm." "Don't say "sex hulk."" "But you know what I mean." "Maybe she has to get you mad, pissed off, before you can..." "Do it." "Okay." "And the other night, when she tell you that she and the boyfriend don't do that kind of thing, that upset you, huh?" "And you broke a promise to yourself." "So why would she report me to the police?" "If that's what she wants, reporting me seems counter-productive." "Ah." "So..." "She report you, you talk to her, huh?" "You are frustrated, angry, she can have you again." "Wow." "The desire makes us do things, crazy things." "And if this is true, then this has gone too far." "But I think what you can give to her gives her so much pleasure that she is willing to do anything to have it." "That's so French." "( Cell phone beeps )" "Oh, fuck!" "Goddamn it!" "Shit!" "The guys decided to skip dinner." "Damn it." "I guess it's just gonna be you and me." "Is that okay?" "You're so full of shit!" "What?" "No." "Honestly." "It's not my fault that they're flakes." "Whatever." "You just wanted to get me alone for dinner." "Honestly, I thought they were coming." "I promise." "Might as well get a free meal out of you." "Yeah." "It'd be nice." "So you don't feel embarrassed wearing a dress in public?" "No." "Should I?" "I guess not." "If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me." "I'm pretty comfortable." "Do you like wearing women's clothes?" "I don't know." "I guess i never thought about it." "Uh..." "I don't mind it." "But you're not worried about it?" "Why do you care so much?" "I guess I'm just curious." "You're curious about me, huh?" "I'm..." "I..." "Thank you." "I'm interested in how you feel about possibly being a transvestite." "I see." "You think that I like to wear women's clothes." "Now I do, yeah." "Okay, this is modern-day California." "Guys and girls wear pretty much the same thing." "I mean, jeans, shorts, t-shirts, hoodies..." "My dad wears girls' jeans." "Right." "I get what you're saying." "But I just think there's more to it for you." "What do you mean?" "Well," "I think that you actually like wearing old-timey women's clothes." "And maybe for the very reasons you were just talking about, you are drawn to female clothes from an era where there were clear distinctions." "So you're saying I'm sort of like a vintage transvestite, maybe." "Yeah, that's what I think." "Does that bother you?" "I don't care." "I'm not dating you." "Do you ever date?" "No." "Okay, well, what is this?" "What do you call this?" "Um, it's not a date." "Feels like one to me." "Oh, so you normally trick girls into getting pizza with you?" "Do you not want to date, or what is it?" "No, I don't." "And I'm not allowed to have boyfriends." "What?" "Are you 14?" "I mean, who's keeping track?" "Dude, I live at home, okay?" "My parents pay for my college, car and phone, and they don't think it's something I'm entitled to." "It's something that I've earned, and they could take it away." "Folks ready to order?" "Yes, um..." "No, we need more time, please." "Just a couple more minutes." "If you could just come back later, that'd be great." "I'm sorry." "I apologize." "Thank you." "Sorry about that." "Can you have sex?" "We could be having sex all over this place." "Your parents wouldn't know." "Yeah, that's not something I'm worried about." "Why?" "You strike me as such a, like, smart girl." "Obviously, you're traditional, but you're not ignorant or delusional." "Thanks." "Look, besides observing tradition, my priority is to have a family one day." "And I don't want to fuck that up by getting a venereal disease or getting pregnant." "You know that there are several solutions to those problems." "Yeah, none of which are 100%." "Okay, let's say hypothetically that I take you out to dinner, okay?" "And at first, I'm very charming," "I'm witty, I'm playful, and then I effortlessly make my way into those beautiful eyes, and then I top that off with some solid soul-searching life plans." "Why, at the end of the night, can't we make out a little, and then, you know, two dates later, we masturbate each other?" "Then you won't get a venereal disease, and you won't get pregnant." "Look, if I was to let that happen, it would be a mistake." "It would be a sign that i wanted to marry you, and I am way too young, and i have way too much to accomplish." "And for you, specifically, besides the fact that you have little tact, you show little restraint, and you like to dress up like an old woman," "I don't really know you, so it just wouldn't" "I want to see your hair." "Be a thing that I would be interested..." "I want to see your hair." "Oh, Jesus." "I'm leaving." "Wait, sana, come on." "Asshole!" "( Murmuring )" "Excuse me." "Yeah, I'm wearing a dress." "I don't like what you're wearing." "Hey, guys." "Can I get a cig?" "Here you go." "Thank you." "Got a light?" "Hey." "Can I get a ride on your bike?" "Yeah." "Where are we going?" "You'll see." "Having some trouble?" "Yeah." "We must be going uphill a little." "Yeah." "Yeah. ( Grunts )" "We see a satyr with an erection precariously balancing a fine vessel on his tip." "However, what mysterious satyrs did with their phalli is not the only way we can figure the erotic in ancient Greece." "In fact, an array of vases have survived that would make any proper lady blush." "Scenes of the man on top or anal penetration can be found exhibited in many famous European museums." "But these are not straightforward examples of lovemaking in terms of post-feminist America." "The greeks, the so-called founders of our great civilization, were deeply misogynistic." "Here we see a woman being penetrated in both orifices." "Her body is simply a tool for male satisfaction." "No different than the cup she's painted on." "( Phone line ringing )" "Hey, it's Nia." "Leave a message." "Thanks." "( Beeps ) Nia, it's Fino." "Please, please call me back." "Is Nia home?" "No, she's not here." "I understand, within the bounds of the fiction you've created, why you wouldn't want to talk to me." "But let's cut the shit, okay?" "Why the fuck are you doing this to me?" "I refuse to believe that my memory of that night is different from what actually happened." "I refuse to believe that, goddamn it!" "You!" "Nia!" "( Shouts ) Come on!" "( Shouting )" "All right, all right, all right, all right!" "Calm down!" "All right, all right." "All right." "Nice." "That feels good, huh?" "Yeah." "That a kid." "All right, let's go inside... ( Beeps )" ""Have you seen Noel's video yet?"" "What the fuck?" "Yeah, my sleeves are rolled up." "My arms look great like this." "Yeah, they look great." "So, what's your deal, now?" "What are you doing?" "I got to go see my parents." "Nice." "Uh..." "I don't..." "I don't mean to shit where I eat, but, uh, do you think i can get a "nug"?" "How's that shitting where you eat?" "Well, I don't mean to make the business where I make the sex." "I don't know." "Well, it's not a problem." "You're my boyfriend." "You can have some pot." "I'm your boyfriend?" "No?" "No!" "Yeah!" "No, yeah, it's..." "I mean, we've only seen each other three times, but..." "Well, I like you." "Cool." "Yeah, I don't have any on me, though." "Oh, then, you know, it's fine." "Just go to my house, and I'll let you find the pot yourself." "Okay." "Thief." "♪ I'm walking out on a dusty road ♪" "( chuckles )" "♪ the sky is blue and my t-shirt's torn ♪" "♪ up on a hill i found my thrill ♪" "♪ and down in the valley i got my fill ♪" "isn't that lovely?" "No, I disagree." "♪ her skin was fair and her hair was long ♪ oh, god." "Oh, please, god, yes." "Oh." "Oh!" "♪ and now we're in bed and the day is done ♪" "( cat snarls, dog barking )" "( Barking continues )" "( Chattering )" "You spent $5,000 in June." "We should make a video together." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "A sex tape." "Classic style." "Who's the star?" "Well, we share top billing." "No way." "In every sex tape, there's a star." "It's either the guy or the girl." "So who's it gonna be..." "You or me?" "Okay." "You." "Well, if I'm the star, then you need to pitch me your idea for the movie, and if I like it, I'll agree to star in it." "Now I feel unprepared." "Hey, you'd better make this count." "Okay." "I'm just gonna start throwing stuff out there." "And they're not all gonna be great, but one is gonna catch." "I'm ready." "Okay." "Classic P.O.V. I hold the camera as I sensitively and passionately dominate you." "The viewer sees everything I see." "Wow." "So that's how you view me?" "As some web cam Internet slut?" "Get creative, man." "Okay." "We dress up like pilgrims, and we sit at the Thanksgiving table, say grace, go at it as awkward and stilted as possible." "Funny, but not sexy." "( Laughs ) Oh." "Oh, "sexy."" "Okay." "We film ourselves over the course of a couple weeks and edit a montage of slow-motion orgasms set to '80s hair-metal music." "( Hair metal plays )" "( Giggles ) No." "Well, shit, that's all I got." "That's it?" "Can't we just get drunk on a boat and go for it?" "Nope." "You can think about it some more, and I'll give you another chance some other time." "Okay." "( Door shuts )" "Sana!" "N-Natan." "What..." "I saw them." "What?" "What are you doing here?" "I saw your parents." "What?" "Where?" "In your house." "You were spying on my parents?" "No, I was spying on you." "Dude, are you psycho?" "Do I need to start carrying pepper spray?" "I wanted to see your hair." "Oh, 'cause that makes me feel so much better." "You lied to me." "How did I lie to you?" "You said your parents lock you up and don't let you date." "That's bullshit." "I saw them boozing and smoking, just like normal degenerate Americans." "They're not strict or religious." "You lied to me because you're insecure about somebody liking you." "First off, how do you know how strict they are?" "Just because they aren't religious doesn't mean they don't still have control over my life." "I still live at home, they still give me money for school, and, yeah, they are still strict." "I don't believe you." "Fine." "I don't care." "Man, don't you get it?" "I don't care about you." "My religion is a convenient, but valid excuse to keep you away from me." "I respectfully disagree." "Listen, what is it that you want?" "You're like a fucking bank robber that hasn't thought out his next move." "I mean, what is the plan here?" "Am I supposed to be wooed by your persistence?" "Or maybe I should find this peeping-tom act flattering." "What is it that you want?" "I want to meet your dad." "What?" "I want to speak to your father." "Whatever." "Fine." "I hope you fucking embarrass yourself." "Hey." "Baba, this is my friend." "Hi." "I'm Yusif." "Nice to meet you." "Natan." "Oh, Natan, yeah." "I've heard a little bit about you." "How's everything going?" "Good." "Everything's good." "I'm just... school." "I was actually..." "I was just saying "what's up" to sana." "Well, it's nice to meet you." "Do you want to come in?" "No, uh, I don't mean to bother you, sir..." "Uh... well, I was hoping to request an audience with you and your wife." "Oh, my god." "You mean, you want to talk to me and my wife?" "Yeah, um, but in a formal setting..." "You know, like afternoon tea or dinner or something." "Are you inviting yourself to dinner?" "I'm sorry." "I don't understand." "Do you know what I'm getting at?" "Unfortunately, yes." "Sana, what's going on?" "Sir, I'd like to request an audience with you and your wife to ask your permission..." "To marry your daughter." "So that's what this is all about?" "Is this the final stage of the transformation?" "Is this how it works?" "Sometimes." "Yeah, great." "Come over for dinner this Friday." "We'll, uh, discuss your request." "Great." "I'm looking forward to it, sir." "Mm." "Oh, but, Natan," "I have a request too." "Anything." "Well, I think if we're going to, uh, talk openly about such serious things, you should wear what you feel most comfortable in." "Father!" "Excuse me?" "Sana tells me you like to wear women's clothing, that it makes you feel more comfortable." "If you're going to be a part of this family," "I think it's something we should consider trying to get used to." "Uh..." "All right." "Yeah, uh, i can do that." "Great, great." "Well, I'll see you Friday, then." "Sana, honey, I'll see you later." "( Laughs )" "Okay, you can talk now." "What the fuck, Nia?" "What the hell is going on?" "Did you know i was arrested for sexual assault?" "I had to tell my family that technically, yes," "I did in fact physically do what the Los Angeles police department described to them." "I might have a criminal record as a fucking sex offender!" "I'm not gonna be able to live near parks or coach my kids' little league team." "I'm sorry." "I'm so sorry." "Did I hurt you?" "Did I go too far or something?" "No, no, no, no." "It's my fault." "It's all my fault." "Tell me what happened." "It was David." "He saw the bruises and the door, and he just..." "He just flipped out." "He was out-of-his-mind upset." "He threatened to tell my parents if I didn't." "It was such a mess." "So you told your parents it was me?" "I don't know." "I just froze up." "They just kept asking me over and over again what happened, and all I could do was cry, and then I eventually just blurted out your name." "I didn't know what to do." "What should I have done?" "Said someone broke in the house?" "Yes." "That, exactly." "I didn't want to start a manhunt for some innocent Mexican immigrant." "So you sent them across the street to me?" "Well, it was..." "It was you who did it, and it would make sense, and it's easier to fix." "It's a little late." "Please don't be mad at me." "I promise I'll fix it." "I didn't mean to get you in trouble." "I know you didn't even want to do it." "But I did." "And that's why I'm fucked!" "No, no." "You're not." "Don't worry, Fino." "I'll tell them everything." "I promise." "I'll fix it." "We'll see." "I got to..." "I got to go." "No, no, stay for just a little bit." "Why?" "I don't know." "I don't think that's a good idea." "Come on, just for a little bit." "Hey." "Come on, what are you trying to do?" "I don't know." "What do you want from me?" "I want us to be together." "What, now?" "Why not?" "We work so good together." "That's not the way i want to work." "I know, but..." "But maybe we can compromise, meet somewhere in the middle." "Half-half, rough and slow, good and bad." "Fuck that." "I told you it was the last time." "I can't fucking believe that you're trying to negotiate this with me." "I gotta get out of here." "( Door shuts )" "( Horn honks ) Watch where you're riding, you stupid son of a bitch!" ""Upload complete"?" "What the f..." "Oh, my god." "Oh, no!" "No!" "Did I get drunk and upload this?" "Shit!" "Fuck!" "Smoking joints?" "Oh, uh, yeah, Mrs. Doubtfeather." "That's okay, Mrs. Doubtfeather." "( Continues, indistinct )" "Euphe..." ""Euphenegia."" "Euphegenia." "Euthanasia." "Euthanasia!" "( Exhales )" "So, Natan, tell us about your web sitcom." "Oh, yeah." "Um..." "I've been working on it for about the past year." "It's called "Euphegenia," and it's about this character who looks and acts just like a younger version of Mrs. Doubtfire, and she's just moved from Scotland to live with a couple college kids." "Sounds hilarious." "God, i love Harvey Fierstein." "Yeah, it's been a lot of fun." "Sana came to watch us film the other day." "Oh, how nice." "So, Natan, you wanted to ask us something." "Yeah." "Um..." "First of all, thank you so much for having me over this evening." "RANIA, this duck is delicious." "Thank you, Natan." "We're happy to have you." "We don't get to meet a lot of friends of sana's from school, so it's nice to finally meet one." "Happy to be here." "Um..." "The reason I'm here is because" "I was hoping to ask your permission to ask... sana" "to... marry me." "Natan, that's..." "That's very cordial of you." "I don't think I was ever that considerate when I was younger." "RANIA:" "I don't think you were either." "But the thing is, you know, we're not a very traditional family, as you can see." "Sana has chosen to follow her faith with a little more dedication than us." "And although we, uh, don't feel the need to follow her, we're respectful of her dedication and feel that nothing but good can come of it." "However, despite her beliefs, you don't have to ask us for permission for something like this." "Just ask sana when you feel the time is right, and she'll..." "Let us know from there." "Okay." "I can, um, respect that route as well." "Do you have something you want to ask me?" "Right now?" "Yeah." "Ask me now." "Sana, will you marry me?" "Yes." "What?" "Did I stutter?" "You seem surprised, Natan." "I-i-i am." "I mean, i didn't know..." "I didn't think she would want to." "Why not?" "You haven't gone on a date with me, and now you're agreeing to marry me?" "You never asked me that." "I told you I don't date, but I'm willing to be engaged to you." "What does that mean?" "It means we date for a year with no sexual activity, and if we still like each other at the end, we get married." "That sounds awful." "Why would I want to do that?" "Because that's the way i want to do it." "Wait, so have to be platonic friends for a year, and then if we want to stay together, we commit for the rest of our lives?" "That's the way I want to do it." "If you don't like it, you know where the fucking door is!" "Sana!" "No, mama!" "This guy's a piece of shit!" "You come over here and put on this show just to prove a point?" "He doesn't want to marry me." "He doesn't care about me." "He's psycho." "He spied on me just to see my hair." "What?" "Excuse me?" "Yes, I did that, okay?" "So I'm a little obsessed with you." "What's wrong with that?" "I have natural feelings of desire towards you." "You make it seem like I'm crazy." "You're sick." "Why is it so wrong that I want to take you out for ice cream, but I don't want to marry you?" "And, yes, okay, so i wanted to see your hair." "I'm not ashamed." "It's not like i was spying on you in the shower." "You are obsessed with my hair." "You can't think about anything else." "You don't even like me." "Yes, I do." "Of course I do." "Why would I be here if I didn't like you?" "Of course I like you." "Do you want to see my hair, Natan?" "Not now." "Is that all that you want?" "Here." "Why would you do that?" "Because I do what I want!" "No, you don't, sana!" "Take one last look, Natan." "Now, get the fuck out!" "Hello?" "Oh, here he comes." "Will!" "Hey, guys, what's up?" "Come on, we're playing Edward 40-hands before we go out tonight, and you are coming with us." "I don't feel like it tonight." "Will, come on!" "I just don't feel like going out tonight, guys." "You would rather stay home?" "Come on." "Will, we're gonna smoke before." "All right, I'll come out for a little bit." "Will:" "What's this called?" "Edward 40-hands." "'Cause there are 40s on our hands." "Oh, yeah." "That makes sense, yeah." "You've never heard of this before?" "Can I take these off to piss?" "No, that's the fun part." "You have to pee in your pants or figure it out from there... it's fun." "Oh, that's the fun part." "♪ pleased to meet you" "♪ and came to wake you up out the deep sleeper like ♪" "♪ he needed to stop before he caught the knee drop ♪" "♪ even give you more zip-zip than ZZ top ♪" "♪ on full beers though shall not ball corners ♪" "♪ Geedorah like one more step and you're all goners ♪" "♪ so-called rich front if you want to ♪" "♪ when he spit electrics, don't be in y'all saunas ♪" "♪ he only here to warn us what the plan is... ♪ oh, man!" "I am done, bitches." "Man:" "You suck." "You cheated." "You guys..." "Have got to catch up." "How dare you win!" "You guys have got to see this video my buddy sent." "It's some chick here, she did an art project." "An art... why would we want to watch an art project right now?" "Is it, like, interpretive dance?" "She goes to our school." "What?" "Wait." "Is that the same girl?" "Yeah, right?" "Shut the fuck up?" "How is she growing her breasts like that?" "She took photos of herself, like, forever, from years ago." "Oh, my god." "No way!" "What do you mean?" "It's like she took these pictures from... oh!" "She put this other video up, this compilation of her tricking this guy into thinking that he leaked this video on-line." "It's amazing." "Look." "Man:" "Oh, dude, that sucks." "Woman:" "So embarrassing." "Man:" "That's so fucked." "She just totally fucked with this guy." "That's a weird hidden camera prank." "I don't know." "Woman:" "This guy has no idea." "( All chattering )" "Man:" "I think she goes to this school." "That is so fucked up!" "She looks familiar." "Does this get weird?" "Oh, my god." "I can't watch this anymore." "What?" "So this is all, like, security stuff." "No!" "Son of a bitch!" "What a loser." "It's just some dude in his room." "This is boring." "Go back to the first one." "Start from the beginning." "Can i get these fucking things off?" "What is wrong with you?" "I said i want these fucking things off of me!" "( All exclaiming ) Fuck, man!" "What's your problem?" "Just chill out." "You were almost done!" "( Chattering )" "Fuck you." "Will?" "You hear me?" "Fuck you!" "Have you lost your mind?" "What are you doing?" "Being dramatic." "You saw the site?" "What do you think?" "Well, what does that have to do with your tapes?" "You abused and ruined my relationship with the only two things that i have ever cared about..." "You and these tapes... and now I am destroying them in front of you as an act of defiance." "You didn't like the site?" "No, I didn't." "I watched it in front of a bunch of people, and it was really embarrassing." "I felt terrible that your video got out on the Internet." "Then why did you steal it?" "Oh!" "You taunted me, okay?" "You knew I'd take it." "I did not make you steal it." "You're the manipulator here." "Yes, but you let it happen." "You could've left it alone." "You violated my curiosity." "Listen, will." "We made something together." "I thought you'd think that it was cool." "And still think you might, if you open up your mind a little." "But it's like good amateur porn..." "Someone has to feel violated for it to be good." "You should feel violated, I should feel shameful... that's just how it goes." "Those are the necessary feelings for making this kind of art." "Otherwise, it's just a normal, gross plastic porno." "I don't give a shit what you think you know..." "Hold on." "Here." "This is the fun part of the project." "It'll make you feel better." "What is this?" "Just take it home and watch it." "Is this a tape of us fucking?" "I would be so mad if this is a tape of us fucking." "This would be such a lame way to end this." "Do you hear me?" "Seriously!" "A lame way to end all of this." "It's not ending." "Just watch it." "Where are you guys?" "Frat row?" "Yeah, I'll be there." "There he is." "What the hell are we doing here?" "Natan's gonna get pot from a guy inside this one." "God damn it, this place makes me want to blow my brains out." "You want to fucking leave, fucking leave." "It's been a shitty night." "I need to get some weed." "I know I can leave, all right?" "But you come here every goddamn weekend." "Okay, okay, shut up, both of you." "Let's just get it and get out, okay?" "Fine." "Come on." "Be right back, okay?" "Is that Nia?" "Yeah." "Fuck, man!" "David is here!" "Oh, shit." "Are we gonna have to fight?" "Just be cool for a sec." "Hey, Fino, how's it going?" "Hi, David." "Will, what's up?" "Hey." "It's so funny seeing you guys here." "I was just telling Nia the other day how much I wanted to apologize to you guys for getting so fucked up at your place." "I didn't mean to get so shit-faced." "It came out of nowhere." "I had such a good time, though." "I really hope I didn't mess anything up." "Well, see you guys." "Will:" "Later, David." "See ya." "That was weird." "Bitch!" "What?" "He has no idea what happened." "She lied to me!" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "What?" "What?" "You're a lying bitch!" "You're fucked up!" "You tried to ruin my life by lying to the police, to your boyfriend, to your parents." "You're evil." "You're sociopathic." "Hey, fuck you!" "Who do you think you are?" "What did I do?" "What did i do to deserve this?" "Who do you think you are, telling me what I can and cannot have?" "Why did you have to go and fuck things up?" "What we had, i thought it was the shit." "You were the only one who could give me what I wanted, everything I needed, and you had to be such a pussy about it." "You had a slave if you wanted one." "I would've done anything for you if you would've just given me what I fucking wanted!" "Yeah, I screwed up," "I freaked out, i overreacted, but I couldn't do it just for one night." "You're so fucking vain to think that you can give someone exactly what they want, indulge their wildest fantasies, and then just take it away after months and months that you just can't do it anymore." "What do you think that does to a person?" "Jesus." "Giving them everything that they want and then just taking it away." "Who the fuck do you think you are?" "How fucking weak do you think I am?" "Fino, I think you're the weakest man I've ever met." "I hope one day you ask someone less kind than me to play make-believe, and they crush you." "Fino!" "Fino!" "What's happening?" "Hey, Fino, what the fuck did you say to her?" "Hey, nice dress, faggot." "What?" "What the fuck did you say?" "You heard me, bro." "Hey, fuck you!" "Oh, yeah?" "Fuck you." "( Arguing, shouting )" "Are you fucking crazy?" "Asshole!" "What the fuck..." "Police." "Break it up." "Hands off, you fucking asshole!" "( Siren wailing ) It's over, okay?" "It's over." "What's on the tape?" "My quinceañera." "FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS." "Hand it over." "Dude..." "Is that you?" "Yeah." "Who's the girl?" "Did she know you were filming her?" "I was not aware." "She's looking right at the camera." "She made the tape." "Easy." "I can see that." "I got to tell you, you both look great." "You look really good." "It's quality work." "Nice move." "Did you choreograph that?" "No, Natan, I didn't know i was being filmed." "That's all freestyle?" "That's impressive." "All right." "( Coughs, clears throat ) You know, gentlemen..." "And I use that term loosely..." "You know, I try not to judge people." "Really, I try not to judge people." "I'm certainly no stranger to deviance myself." "It's one of the great spices of life." "And, well, what other reason is there to live if it's not to do the things that god says we shouldn't do?" "Sin and vice." "( Chuckles )" "Sin... and vice." "These are the jewels inside the rotary movement required to keep things working." "I met a woman once in Sarajevo who had the most..." "Delicious calves in all of Europe." "I wanted to bite into them like a Christmas ham, like maybe a French pear." "She was sitting alone in a cafe, and I, uh..." "I asked her if, uh..." "If, uh, I could lick her calf." "I told her she should take five minutes and think about it, and if she wanted to join me, she should come over to my table and we could leave together." "And you know what?" "Five minutes went by, and she came over, and she took my hand, and we left." "It was one of the most romantic things I've ever done." "( Chuckling )" "We got to her house..." "She lived on the outskirts of town..." "We went into her bedroom and, uh..." "Well, she had some conditions for me... weird things." "She had a goat out back, and she wanted to tie that goat up in the corner, she wanted to crush some pills up, it all got very confusing." "But anyway, that's not the point." "The question is, if you're given the chance to enjoy the-the-the..." "The base instincts of civilized society, do you take it?" "Do you take it?" "Well, you'd be a fucking fool not to." "Which you did." "You did." "( Laughing ) ( Forced chuckle )" "I don't think I'm coming back to school next year." "Next time, don't fucking beat your girlfriend." "Man:" "Hey, boys." "Yo." "Hi there." "Hey, I don't mean to disturb you, but I wanted to see if you wanted this wheelchair." "I need someone to take it." "It was my mother-in-laws, but, uh, well, she died last week." "Sorry about that." "Oh, thank you." "She was my wife's mother, so..." "My wife, she's not doing so good." "She says she's tired of looking at the thing, told me to get rid of it." "I'm just seeing if anybody wants it before I leave it by the dumpster." "We don't really need it." "We're all kind of doing fine, walking-wise." "You can sell it or store it or whatever." "Store it until one of us breaks our legs?" "Whatever, man." "You mind if we ride it around?" "I don't care, as long as you take it." "We're probably gonna get fucked up and act like assholes with this thing." "Hey, whatever you want." "I was young once." "Have fun." "Okay, we'll take it." "Thanks." "Thanks, man." "Yeah, no problem." "Sorry about your mother-in-law." "Oh, it's okay." "It's okay." "Here's what I say we do with this thing, okay?" "We can get a bunch of bras and put it up on the roof." "I'm down for sure." "Yeah." "Yes!" "We could go to fucking class like that." "We've got a wheelchair!" "And then we'll..." "And then we'll launch..." "You can go anywhere!" "That's kind of awesome." "Yeah." "Okay, so check it out, check it out." "Whoo!" "( Exclaims ) Holy hell!" "( Chattering )" "Okay, here we go." "All right." "All right." "God damn it." "Are you good?" "Yeah, I'm good." "[♪♪]" "we're freaks!" "We're all just a bunch of freaks!" "[♪♪]" "( music ends )"