"(barking orders)" "Look at me-- guard duty again tonight down at the main gate." "Who's going to steal the main gate?" "KADOWSKI:" "Hey, boys, get this." "What is it?" "This is serious." ""Permission granted for ten days leave of absence to Master Sergeant Ernest Bilko."" "Bilko going on a furlough?" "He's broke." "Here we go again." "Gentlemen, I wish to announce the beginning of National Hide Your Money Week." "Remember the last time Bilko went on furlough?" "He squeezed every nickel out of this platoon, remember?" "No, no, no, I tell you, no." "I can't spare another truck, and that's final." "How am I going to get my platoon back to the barracks from the rifle range?" "The Army has a new mode of transportation." "Did you hear about it?" "Feet." "Wise guy." "Oh, on the double." "Hey, what's the-- here." "Formation, on the double, hee-yah, line up." "Ever-Everybody, look alive!" "Excuse me, gentlemen, I'll only take a minute of your time." "I wish to discuss the motor pool and the work... (chuckling):" "Work." "Now, look, men, I don't ask you to kill yourself, but every once in a while, move a little." "In case an officer walks by, he won't mistake it for a painting." "And Zimmerman... didn't get those brake drums on the half-trucks yet, did you?" "Well, you know, Sarge..." "Oh, I know." "You've been too busy washing officers' private cars at a buck a throw, right?" "Well, Sarge..." "Get into those fatigues, down to the motor pool, get those brake drums, and out of here!" "There's been a lot of goofing off going around here." "This has got to stop!" "Day sheet in yet?" "HENSHAW:" "Yo." "Paparelli, you draw guard duty tonight." "I know." "What's this?" ""Permission-- ten days leave granted to..."" "Oh, when it comes to asking for a furlough, they're right on the ball." "Let's see which meathead this is." ""Ten days leave granted to Sergeant Ernest Bilko."" "I got it!" "I got it!" "Hey, ten days!" "Wait, I can be out of here tomorrow morning, in Chicago, and outside of her dressing..." "Hey, come on, fellas, I'm a little, you know..." "Sarge, I'm tapped out." "Me, too." "What a time." "Men, freeze." "Freeze, you heroes." "Men, I may have seemed a little harsh with you." "It's only because I was mad at myself for forgetting to tell you the new thing I thought up for you." "It's only a buck a throw-- my new snack-in-the-sack raffle." "Snack-in-the-sack raffle?" "What's that?" "Just what it says." "The guy who wins gets his breakfast served in bed for ten days." "How about it, boys?" "But Sarge, we're broke." "Busted, not a dime." "It's a miracle how this platoon is always broke at the same..." "Zimmerman, on the double, right here." "Yeah, but Sarge, you told me..." "Right here." "Now, Herman, you're not going to take me serious all the time, are you?" "I want this." "I want these deadheads to look at a real live wire." "This boy's not broke all the time." "Why?" "'Cause he's on the hustle, he thinks up things, washes officers' cars at a buck a throw." "He's all right." "(chuckles)" "How much did you make, Herman?" "Not a dime." "Honest, Sarge, they all owe me." "Listen, right next to Zimmerman's name, put "KEOZ."" "I'll know what it means-- "Keep Eye On Zimmerman."" "All right, dismissed." "Hey, Sarge, I got a couple letters for you." "Oh, those finance companies must have radar." "What's this?" "Oh, this is a joker." "This is addressed to the house I used to live in way before the war, when I was still a civilian." "Hey, Sarge, maybe you've been drafted, huh?" "It's a little late for that, don't you think?" "Oh, no." "Ten years." "What is it, Ernie?" "It's just not possible." "Ten years." "Hey, Ernie, come on back to us Earth people." "The squad I led in WWII-- way before I even met you guys-- they're having a reunion." "A reunion?" "Yeah, I forgot all about it." "You see, we were pinned down on a beach in the Marianas, and we swore if we ever got out of it alive, we were going to meet ten years from that day for the biggest, fanciest banquet at the Waldorf-Astoria." "The Waldorf-Astoria?" "Man, what a crazy barrack." "(laughter)" "Oh, what a bunch of deadbeats they were." "Wait a second, wait, hold this." "I got a picture of 'em in here someplace." "Get a load of that." "That's me holding the flag." "BARBELLA:" "Let's see." "Ernie, hair?" "Hey, Hensh, look at all that hair-- a regular mop." "(laughter)" "Wasn't I a thing of beauty?" "Squad Leader Private First Class Ernest Bilko." "A PFC, huh?" "Hey, wait till they see you with all them stripes." "Master Sergeant Bilko." "Oh, boy, they'll really flip." "Who ever thought I'd wind up with more stripes than hair?" "(all laugh)" "Oh, what a bunch of characters." "Look, this guy right here." "Oh..." "look at the end... the end..." "Meathead." "He used to be a truck driver before the war." "To get him to move, I had to honk a horn." "This is a beauty right here." "Goof-off Gunther was his name." "He was a busboy before the war." "Used to open K ration boxes looking for tips..." "This is a real beauty, a hillbilly" "Zeke "Ozark" Rutlege-- the only man in the Army wore suspenders." "Oh, they were beautiful." "How did those meatballs ever get along in civilian life without you to watch over 'em, Sarge?" "Oh, I shudder to think about it." "Ah, those poor jerks-- probably going in hock to get to that reunion in New York." "Hey, Ernie, the reunion's tomorrow night." "You'd better start packing." "Packing..." "Got an idea." "You can hitch a ride down at the air base in one of them B-29s on the way to Mitchell Field in New York." "Forget about it." "Those reunions are for the birds." "But Sarge, you got to go." "What, what, b-but Sarge, but what, what?" "I'm a master sergeant, and I got to go like a master sergeant." "That means a suite at the Waldorf, maybe pick up the tab for those meatballs." "Where am I going to get the money-- sell a tank?" "Hey, Bilko, I got another breakdown." "Another breakdown?" "You can't move without me." "Look, if you can't get me a truck that works, get me a mule." "I'll do better than that;" "I'll put a harness on you." "Get out of here." "He don't want to go to that reunion, does he?" "Not much, he don't." "Man, wouldn't he like to walk in on them guys flashing them six stripes of his, huh?" "With that room at the Waldorf, huh?" "Show he's still the top guy in the outfit, huh?" "What a night that would be." "Listen, Hensh, I got an idea." "There's money in this platoon, only it went underground." "We're going to dig it up." "Give me that picture." "Look, you go tell the other top kicks in the outfit what we need." "On the double." "Yo." "All right, boys, I want to talk to you right here, on the double, let's go, everyone..." "Look at that picture again." "Look at all that hair." "And every hair that's gone is from worrying about you guys, this whole platoon." "Every single hair gone, one by one, from worrying-- worrying about getting you passes, worrying about protecting your rights." "And now, for the first time in ten years, when he's got a chance to prove to his old buddies that he's a success, a master sergeant, he can't go to that reunion." "Why?" "Because his own platoon is too cheap to raise a few meas..." "Corporal Henshaw, do not beg them." "Let them search their own soul." "Just remember him with this head of hair, gone from worrying." "'Cause he's the kind of a sergeant that worries about his men day and night." "All we're asking is a measly few bucks." "Now, look, come on now." "Come on..." "You got a couple of bucks." "I tell you no!" "I can't spare another truck!" "But I need another truck." "This is an emergency." "Call the Automobile Club." "Very funny." "The garbage is piling up behind my kitchens." "What am I going to do?" "Learn to cook;" "you won't have so much garbage." "Why don't you turn blue?" "Oh, knock it off." "Hey..." "Well, this is a gay little sorority meeting." "Mother Bilko's little chickens got nothing to do?" "Hey, Sowici, hold it." "You may have some extra guys for KP any minute now." "Now, listen, you meatheads..." "Ernie, Ernie, I was just giving 'em tomorrow's work detail." "Work detail?" "Corporal Barbella, you're a dreamer." "Now, look, you guys, you got to get on the ball." "You understand?" "I want guys that want to soldier." "You soldier for me," "I'll interfere with the old man for you." "I-I..." "What is that?" "I cannot..." "You making faces behind me?" "What are you doing?" "Now, look, if you guy..." "You know, Sergeant, some of the officers paid me for washing their car, and I figured if you're still running the snack-in-the-sack raffle, can I have a couple of shots at it?" "(overlapping chatter)" "Me, too." "Yeah, me, too, Sarge." "Two tickets for the next dance." "Put me down for the motor pool." "Two tickets." "All right, is this the suite?" "Yes, sir, the adjoining room is right through there." "Is that all the flowers they got up here?" "Oh, I'll get some more, sir." "Oh, never mind, we'll rough it." "Hello, get me the main desk." "All right, get that champagne spread out, get those cigars laid out..." "Hello, main desk." "Uh, look, there may be some poor souls wandering around the lobby looking for Squad "B" reunion-- "B," "B" like in "Bilko," yeah." "Send 'em up to suite, uh..." "BELLHOP: 32C." "32C on the double, look alive, hey... all right, good-bye!" "You got the champagne out there?" "Yes, sir." "You got the cigars?" "Yes, sir." "Now, you boys have done a darn good job." "Uh, uh..." "what's your number again?" "Uh, 43, sir." "43." "Your number?" "27, sir." "27." "You take care of me, I'm gonna take care of you." "You boys may be used to deadbeats but not in this corner." "You're in good shape, I'm taking good ca..." "On the double, walk, hup, hup!" "Here we go, hup, hup!" "All right, now, look." "BELLHOP:" "Big doings tonight, eh, sir?" "We're going to have a big-time reunion-- my old squad coming." "Yes..." "These poor souls never lived before, like I'm going to show 'em." "Look, uh..." "Yes, sir." "No reason why I can't shack 'em up here." "No use in them getting a room." "What the management don't know won't hurt 'em, you know?" "Get that stuff out of the bag, will you, kid?" "Yes, sir." "I tell you what I have to have done." "A lot of things have to be done real quick." "You're doing a good job, kid." "You got change of 20?" "Oh, yes, sir." "What's your number again?" "82." "82." "I put your number ahead of the other guys." "Thank you, sir." "I like the way you work." "All right, let me look at that robe a minute, will you?" "Get this polished while you're down there, too." "This may be a little gaudy for the Waldorf, but in certain sections of Manila, may I tell you...?" "Hey, look, kid, uh, where's the latri-- uh, the shower?" "Right over there, sir." "Be a little indecent, showering alone." "You're all right." "Did I get your number?" "82." "Yeah, all right." "Oh, I want this suit pressed." "I want those creases you can cut butter with." "I'll do it right away." "Wait, hold it, this is the important..." "See these stripes?" "When you steam it, don't get 'em up." "You know what I mean?" "Keep 'em nice and shiny." "I certainly w..." "Six stripes?" "Well, you're a master sergeant." "How do you know?" "Were you in the service?" "Oh, yes, sir, I was a lieutenant." "All right, get that stuff ready." "Will you, sir?" "Right, Sergeant." "Air Force." "Uh..." "I wonder if a bubble bath would be overdoing it." "Well..." "(buzzer sounding)" "Coming, coming." "Oh, you're the valet." "Look, here's what I want to..." "Valet?" "Ernie." "You're, uh..." "Morgan." "Meathead!" "Hey!" "How are you?" "!" "Son of a gun!" "Hey, you want to see the rest of the gang?" "Are they here?" "Right down the hall." "Hey, gang, here he is." "Bissel!" "(overlapping chatter)" "Ernie." "You're, uh..." "Gunther, Joe Gunther." "Goof-off!" "(overlapping chatter)" "Come on in." "(overlapping chatter)" "What do you think of your old squad, huh?" "I hate to admit it-- you look almost human." "(laughter)" "Pass the glasses around." "Listen, you want some cigars?" "Anything you want." "(overlapping chatter)" "Here you are, pappy." "Say, pretty classy, pretty classy here." "Yeah." "Oh, I was going to get a whole floor, but some maharaja beat me to it." "(laughs)" "TUBBY:" "Doing all right for a PFC, boy." "PFC?" "Look alive, Tubby." "That was ten years ago." "A lot of things must happen, you know, in ten years." "(laughter and overlapping chatter)" "Hey, hey, if you're not used to it, that's champagne." "Take it easy." "Yes, I'll, uh, I'll have to go easy." "I've got a big day at the office tomorrow." "Office?" "Working at an office, huh?" "Good boy." "Gave up driving a truck, huh?" "Sure, he's got his own company-- Morgan Truck Lines." "Morgan Truck Lines?" "Mm-hmm." "That big transcontinental outfit?" "Yeah, ha-ha, that's me." "Good boy, Meathead." "Ah, if I could do it, you must be worth a million." "Yeah." "What are you doing?" "Have a little more champagne." "That's a boy." "You worked pretty hard waiting on tables all day." "I'm taking care of you here." "How do you like him?" "He still remembers me when I was a busboy." "Yeah... he-he-he's way up there now, Bilk." "Oh, really, made waiter, huh?" "Good boy." "Lean back, take it easy." "I'm gonna take good care of you, pappy." "That's all he does all day-- sit back, counting the receipts of his 200 restaurants." "Yeah, yeah." "200 restaurants?" "Yeah, G  G Sandwich Shops." "That's right." "G  G?" "Yeah." "That's his?" "(laughing):" "Yeah." "I eat there all the time." "That is, when I'm not too busy eating at Toots Shor's or Stork Club." "(all laughing)" "Hey, listen, you poor souls, no use renting a room." "You three guys can stay with me here, all right?" "Well, thanks, Bilko." "My company keeps a suite here all year round, in case of emergency." "Keeps a suite here?" "Pretty big outfit, huh?" "TUBBY:" "Yeah, it's his outfit-- Rutlege Cotton Mills." "Cotton mills?" "Yeah." "Well, hey, Tubb, you can shack up with me here." "You don't have to rent a room." "Well, I got my own apartment right around the corner on Park Avenue." "Park Avenue?" "Yeah." "Where else would a Park Avenue doctor live?" "Doctor?" "Yeah." "Why, this poor soul couldn't open a can of rations without cutting his finger." "Doctor, huh?" "Good boy." "What are you doing, Bissel?" "Insurance." "Door-to-door?" "No, he's chairman of the board." "Chairman?" "It figures." "Say, you guys are doing all right." "(all chattering at once)" "MORGAN:" "Now, Bilk, we have to..." "You know, Bilk, it takes a lot of angling and finagling to make a success of yourself in the world today." "Of course, we spent three years training under you-- the master." "Master?" "How'd you find out I was a master?" "Master finagler!" "Oh, right." "(laughter)" "Drink up, boys." "Ernie, uh, what have you been doing since you got out of the Army?" "I'm with some outfit." "Come on, drink up." "Oh, come on, come on, now, Ernie." "What are you doing?" "Well, it's a big outfit-- big." "If I mention the name, you'd know it right away." "MORGAN:" "What outfit?" "What difference does it make?" "I'm doing all right." "Believe me." "Secret, huh?" "Well, in a way, it has to be, yeah." "TUBBY:" "I got it-- government work." "You could call it that." "Yeah." "You got a contract with the government." "For four years." "Four years?" "Whoa." "I got a six months' contract." "Then comes cancellations and changes in specifications." "How do you do it?" "Very simple." "When the four years is up, I simply reen... uh, renegotiate." "They're only too glad to do business with me. -(buzzing)" "BISSEL:" "I'll get it." "Your uniform, Sergeant." "Take it back." "It's a sloppy job." "Do it over again." "Sloppy?" "Look at the way those stripes shine." "Well, press them some more." "You're all right, kid." "Thank you." "What was your number again?" "82." "I'm writing it down real big." "Thank you." "Come on, fellas." "Let's get moving." "Hey, hold it." "Where are you guys going?" "We're going to change." "Change for what?" "Get dressed for dinner." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "What are we going to wear," "tux or full dress?" "Just tuxedo." "Doesn't matter." "I brought both." "(laughter)" "Both?" "Boys, we're traveling in fast company again." "Yeah, too fast for a hillbilly like me." "See you later." "I'm going to have to rent a tuxedo." "Rent a tuxedo!" "Oh, there's got to be a peasant in every outfit." "He's never changed, has he?" "Good old... "Rent a tuxedo."" "That's laughable, isn't it?" "(chuckles)" "Take care." "I'll see you later." "(chuckling):" ""Rent a tuxedo."" "Who do I call about renting a tuxedo?" "(phone ringing)" "Hello." "Sergeant..." "uh, Mr. Bilko's room." "Long distance where?" "Roseville, Kansas?" "Fort Baxter?" "Tell them I'm not, uh..." "All right, put them on." "Hey, Sarge, we just called to see how you're doing." "Hey, did you see your old squad yet?" "Hey, what did they say when they seen you with all them stripes?" "A master sergeant, huh?" "They really flipped, huh?" "Hey, wait a minute." "Henshaw wants to say hello." "Hey, I was next!" "By rank, Doberman." "By rank." "Hey, Sarge." "Having a ball, huh?" "Did those meatballs ever figure on you coming in with six stripes?" "(laughs) Knocked them over, huh?" "I went over big, yeah." "I had the suit pressed and everything, all real sharp." "Yeah." "Big, big." "Hello, Sarge, Rocco again." "Listen, the motor pool is in great shape, so just relax and have a ball." "Hey, Sarge, they really flipped, huh?" "Look, this is costing you guys a fortune." "You better hang up." "I'll be seeing you soon." "Take care of yourself." "Give my best to the gang." "So long, Rocco." "(melodramatic music plays over radio)" "WOMAN (over radio):" "John." "JOHN:" "Please, Mary." "MARY:" "You lied to me." "You told me you were a banker, and now I find out you're a plumber." "Mary!" "No, John." "I cannot marry an impostor." "(turns radio off)" "(fanfare playing over TV)" "ANNOUNCER:" "CBS Television presents You Are There." "Tonight, we bring you one of the dark pages of American history:" "the story of Benedict Arnold." "This once-respected American soldier who disgraced his uniform lived to regret it." "(turns TV off)" "# #" "Look, fellas, I..." "I'm just wearing it." "(laughter)" "You remember when he tried to teach the natives how to play gin rummy?" "He wound up with all the coconuts on that island." "(laughter)" "Where is Bilko?" "Almost time for chow." ""Chow"-- get him." "Yeah, how do you like that?" "How G.I. can you get?" "Are you still in?" "Hey, fellas." "Hey, hey, hey, look." "(laughter dies down)" "Hey, he's for real!" "Oh, you son of a gun!" "(laughter, indistinct chatter)" "I'll bet I'd still be a private if I was in there." "Bilko in the Army" " I'm going to sell my defense bonds." "(laughter)" "Bilko, are any of your men as dumb as we were?" "That would be impossible." "(laughter)" "Well, what are we standing around for?" "I've been waiting for ten years for this." "Let's eat." "All right." "I want to get some of that Waldorf pressed duck." "I hear it's real..." "Pressed duck?" "Yeah." "Excuse me." "Ooh." "They press it by hand with pleats." "(laughter)" "Come on." "Let's eat." "Okay, waiter, dessert!" "(laughter, indistinct protesting)" "What's the matter with you guys?" "What, are you folding already?" "Is this the squad I led that took Hill 405?" "405?" "That was to the right of us." "We took Hill 406." "That wasn't 406." "That was a Japanese pillbox on the right of us." "Ah, you're all wrong." "Please, please, it was Hill 405." "I'll show you how..." "406!" "You're nuts." "Now, wait a second." "Move the battlefield back." "Okay." "Let's clear the whole table." "Very simple-- if you'll just pay attention," "I'll revive the whole thing right." "Now, watch-- here." "That was the beach, right?" "ALL:" "Right." "Okay." "This was Hill 405 right here." "I'll tell you why." "Zeke..." "All right, this was zero hour." "This is the way it went." "Everybody in posi..." "Gunther, in position?" "Right, sir." "All right." "What are you doing there?" "You're with the artillery." "Get over there, Tubby!" "All right, all right." "Morgan, get behind the foxhole." "Zeke, you got the bazookas ready?" "All set, all set." "Now... wait a minute." "Then there came that air..." "air raid!" "Air raid!" "Get in position." "(mimicking machine gun sounds)" "You got him!" "All right." "All right." "Set your watches." "Synchronize." "Take cover." "Squad charge!" "(all yelling)" "# For it's hi!" "hi!" "hee!" "#" "# In the field artillery #" "# Sing out the numbers loud and strong #" "# Two, three, four!" "#" "# Five, six, seven, eight. #" "(laughter)" "Oh, Ernie, I ain't never going to let you go again." "Sure, sure, sure." "I'm going to take you into my business." "In one year, it'll belong to me, pal." "(laughter)" "Come on, you dogfaces, let's hear it." "# Hi!" "hi!" "hee!" "#" "# In the field artillery... #" "(buzzer sounding)" "Roll call." "Doberman, Anderson, Dober... (buzzer sounds repeatedly)" "All right, all right, all right." "Good morning, sir." "Take it easy, will you?" "Just plug them in there." "Good morning, Ernie." "What is this?" "Come on, Ernie." "We've got work to do." "What are you doing, taking bets?" "Transfer all of Mr. Morgan's calls up here..." "I hope you don't think I was kidding last night." "You're working for me." "Oh, come on, come on, you were" "high last night." "Oh, not that high." "I didn't get where I am today by being high and making gaiety." "I find that you're one of the top motor pool sergeants in the whole Army, and if you can unsnarl one-tenth of the jams that we get into, you're worth twice the $10,000 a year that I'm giving you." "$10,000 a year?" "Fine." "Do that." "BILKO:" "What are you talking about?" "Ed Houlihan in Cleveland." "Oh, Houlihan again." "Yeah." "(Houlihan speaks indistinctly)" "All right, now, look, Houlihan, get this straight." "I don't want 22 trailer trucks laying dead all over the road." "What?" "You're waiting for some chain drive parts" "to get down from Seattle?" "Let me tell him." "Let..." "What?" "Just a minute." "What are you talking about?" "Hold on, hold on, just a minute." "You in Cleveland?" "That's right." "What kind of chains you using?" "90-X ten-ton stress chains?" "That's right." "Well, get on the ball." "The Army gets their chains from a little firm right outside of Cleveland" " Parma." "Parma?" "Little town... yes." "Name of the firm is Morton Stamp  Company." "Get on the ball." "What are you holding up those...?" "Look alive out there!" "Get moving!" "See what I mean, Ernie?" "You see what I mean?" "I need you." "This is too much for Parker and me." "Wait a minute." "We can't do it." "It's too much." "I'm in the Army!" "I'm in the Army!" "You're in the Army." "I'll take care of that." "You've got a hitch that's up any minute." "Hello?" "What?" "(man shouts over phone)" "Oh, my...!" "A jam in Los Angeles." "Let me..." "No hydraulic fluid" "for the platform lifts." "This is ridiculous." "You guys are making me laugh." "You call yourself truck operators." "What's your dram, hydraulic fluid?" "Yeah." "Yeah, what are you driving, diesels?" "That's right." "Well, you simply drain the lube fluid out of the hitch gearbox, transfer it to the hydraulic lifts." "Look alive!" "Stop jamming up the works out here!" "Get going!" "(phone ringing)" "BILKO: $10,000 a year?" "Oh, $10,000." "That's nothing." "That's just the beginning." "You're worth a fortune to me." "Hello, hello!" "I'm calling about the Dawson figures." "What?" "!" "Dawson figures-- I have to have 'em right away." "I got to get downstairs and sign some papers." "(overlapping chatter, phones ringing)" "Go to it!" "The Dawson figures." "What about the Dawson figures?" "(phone ringing)" "All right." "Dawson figures, what Dawson figures you talking about?" "Oh, right here." "You're carrying 12,856..." "Peoria?" "What kind of a load you carrying?" "Kumquats?" "!" "You better get moving!" "(phone ringing)" "Yes!" "Get those things to...!" "(yelling indistinctly)" "MAN (over phone):" "What about the reloads?" "BILKO:" "The reloads are 900 and 400." "That's it-- 900 and 400, 1,300." "(over phone):" "Right." "All right, look alive out there." "Give me one of those phones." "What are you guys...?" "The dispatcher from where?" "Right there." "Toledo?" "I'm rerouting your run." "I got the Cleveland guys all fixed up." "They got their chains fixed." "They'll be on your route." "You're a caravan of 23 trucks." "Get moving, look alive." "I've got to get a hold of Mr. Morgan." "All right, all right, all right, all right!" "Hello, what are you?" "(over phone):" "Where's Gomez?" "Where's who?" "Gomez." "Gomez who?" "What area?" "Gomez." "San Diego-- just a minute." "I don't know where Gomez is." "Call the hospital." "Hello." "This is Gomez." "Gomez, they're looking all over for you." "Get... -(phones ringing)" "Well, my wife's having a baby." "We had to go to the hospital." "Your wife's having a baby?" "Listen, Gomez." "Yeah." "(phone ringing)" "Take a vacation." "Hello." "Listen, the Toledo run is moving." "I got the wrong..." "Wait a second, hold on a minute." "Watch out for those Dawson figures!" "Just hold it a minute." "(overlapping chatter over phones)" "What am I doing?" "Here, here, wait a minute, here." "Listen, you jerks, talk to each other." "(overlapping chatter over phones)" "(all yelling)" "BARBELLA:" "Attention!" "All right, now let's straighten this out." "Zimmerman, you and Paparelli got guard duty." "You're nuts." "Bilko never put two on, two off." "(all yelling)" "(clamoring)" "Men, it's good to be back again." "Now, uh, what's the trouble?" "(all yelling)" "ANNOUNCER:" "Morgan was played by Horace McMahon."