"ATHOS:" "It is the dawn of the 17th century." "After the assassination of his father, the young King Louis XIII ascends to the French throne." "His once peaceful nation is surrounded by enemies on all sides." "Within the borders of France itself, Cardinal Richelieu, the King's advisor, plots in secret to seize power for himself." "The inexperienced Louis and his new bride, Queen Anne, find themselves without a single friend." "Europe is a powder keg waiting to explode in a war that will engulf the entire continent." "And only a few men can prevent the coming apocalypse." "(WATER SPLASHING)" "(GASPS)" "(GRUNTS)" "CAPTAIN:" "Move out!" "Halt!" "(COCKS GUN)" "Don't." "Getting careless?" "The feeling is mutual." "For future reference, "I love you" would have been a more suitable reply." "(GASPS)" "Could have just said, "Hello."" "What would be the fun in that?" " How was the bishop?" " Not as good as you." "You are incorrigible." "I bet you say that to all the girls." "But, sir!" "Remember I am a lady!" "Let me touch your bosom." "Sir, keep your hands to yourself!" "(WHISPERING) Hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." "Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." "Amen." "WOMAN:" "That's enough wine, I can assure... (WOMAN SCREAMING)" " What?" " Key." "(GASPING)" "You mean this key?" "Who are you?" " I'm not a priest." " I'm not really a lady." "I have 1 0 minutes." "♪ There once was an aunt from Lorraine." "♪ With an incredible tolerance for pain." "♪ She had a nasty habit ♪ Involving a chicken, a frog, and a rabbit" "I expected more from a man of your reputation." "I don't suppose you have any idea where I could find Athos and Aramis?" " Never heard of them." " (CHUCKLES SARDONICALLY)" "(BURPING)" "You French spies." "You're very, very arrogant." "And foolish." "And you're so..." "Sexy?" "Lt's a wonder it took me so long to catch you." "You didn't!" "I beg your pardon?" "You didn't catch me." "And what exactly are you doing here?" "Catching you." "(LAUGHING SCORNFULLY)" "Key." "Vive la France!" "ATHOS:" "Da Vinci's Vault." "Leonardo designed it to protect the plans of his greatest inventions." "MILADY:" "Shall we?" "ATHOS:" "Now." "Your part's done." "Why don't you stay back?" "We'll meet at the rally point." "We came together, we leave together." "(CHUCKLING)" "(WHIRRING)" "I'll go." "Wait, wait." "Too easy." " Pressure plates under the floor." " Oh!" "ARAMIS:" "I could scale the walls." "ATHOS:" "Run a cable along the roof." " ARAMIS:" "Could be booby-trapped, too." " Hmm." "Well?" "We don't have all night." "(CHUCKLING)" "You're absolutely certain there are no hidden passages?" "And no secret tunnels?" "Positive, sir. lt's a vault." "One way in, one way out." "Excellent!" "I want these Musketeers dead!" "I want them dead!" "The guards change in two minutes, maybe less." "Less!" "What now?" " C'est la vie?" " No." "Contingency plan." "Got it." "Athos, you do know what's up there?" "Just hold your breath." "(MUFFLED EXPLOSION)" "SOLDIER:" "Get out!" "Hey!" "Get back down there!" "Now!" "Go ahead, say it!" "I love you." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "I hate to ruin the mood, but perhaps we could go elsewhere?" "You know, for once I think the padre may be right." "ATHOS:" "All for one." "ALL:" "And one for all." "So, what's next?" "Back to Paris, I guess." "And then what?" "Wherever they send us, whatever France needs." "Lt's who we are. lt's what we do." "I do love you." "I know." "Then please try and understand that this isn't personal." "Lt's strictly business." "He made me a better offer." "Ah!" "Athos." "Buckingham." "A toxin." "In case you were wondering, it wasn't in your drink, it was on your cup." "Inactive until it came into contact with the liquid." "Don't worry." "Lt isn't fatal." "Although I suspect a part of you wishes it was." "You take all the risk and I get the reward." "Hardly seems fair." "Well, just so you don't leave empty-handed, a word of advice." "Trust no one, especially women." "You'll live longer." "(CHUCKLING)" "Telling him you loved him right before you betrayed him." "I must say, that was cruel, even by my standards." "I only took away his prize." "You took a lot more than that." "At last, the war machine." "(LAUGHS)" "Look down." "Lt's a trick an old friend taught me." "Your adversary will not always be as noble as you." "Remember that, and I have nothing left to teach you." "I doubt that, Father." "Keep it." "Lt's passed down from generation to generation, from father to son." "Lt's yours now." "The weapon of a Musketeer." "The real weapon of a Musketeer is here." "All for one." "And one for all." "You remind me of somebody." "Let me guess." "You." "No, no." "The man I wish I was when I was your age." "Well, you should really be on your way." "Take this purse." "There's 1 5 crowns in it." "Lt's enough to get you to Paris." "And you'll need a mount." "Your mother's insisting you take Buttercup." " I know it's not much, and..." " It's plenty." "Take care of yourself, my son." "Try not to get into any fights." "If I'm to be a Musketeer, I think I might have to do a little bit of fighting." "Stay at the back if you can." "Yes, Mother." " There's one more piece of advice." " I know, I know." "Don't get into any trouble." "Wrong." "Get into trouble." "Make mistakes." "Fight, love, live." "And remember, always, you're a Gascon and our son." "Now go." "Go." "In the name of God, what kind of beast is that?" "And the beast he's riding doesn't look much either." " Ostler." " Sir?" " Please see that my horse is watered and fed." " Oh!" "Lt's a horse, is it?" "My friends here thought it was a cow." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Excuse me." "See, I know you men are just kidding around." "Buttercup, well, she gets a little sensitive." "I'm afraid I must ask you to apologize." "Well, I'm afraid I'm not in the habit of apologizing to Gascon yokels." "Not to me." "To my horse." "(BUTTERCUP SNORTING)" "You've hurt her feelings." "And if I don't?" "I shall have to kill you." "(CHUCKLING)" "You shot me!" "Most observant of you, young man." "But the real question is, why are you not dead?" "Flesh wound." "Sight must be off." "Who takes care of my pistols?" "Captain Rochefort, I... (GRUNTS)" "Whoa, whoa, steady." "Wouldn't want to dirty my blade with peasant blood." "(GROANING)" "So, boy, consider this a lesson." "Your last." "MILADY:" "No." "He's too pretty for that." "As you wish, Milady." "Rochefort, come." "We're expected in Paris." "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Thank you." "(GROANS)" "ROCHEFORT:" "Make way!" "I think you've had enough." "Where's my tankard?" "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Excuse me!" "You think you're better than me?" "No." "MAN:" "Watch yourself, boy!" "All for one." "Excuse me!" " Sorry!" "I'm sorry!" " Are you blind?" "Look, I'm chasing after a man who insulted my horse and tried to kill me, so let me go!" "That's not good enough." "You spilled my drink and ruined my shirt." "I'm in a hurry." "(GROANS)" " Here." " 1 0 sous?" " Who do you think you're talking to?" " The town drunk, from the smell of you." "Now that, my boy, is fighting talk." " What are you saying exactly?" " Blind and deaf." "Fortunately for you, I'm somewhat of a doctor." "Great!" "When can you fit me in?" "12:00, Cooper's Yard, St. Germain." "I'll be there." "Excuse me!" "I just can't decide." "Well, if I might point out, this does make you look very dignified, whereas the blue one brings out your dashing side." "Equally important." "Dignified." "Dashing." "In the words of King Solomon, I'll take both!" "A most excellent choice, sir." "(SNAPPING FINGERS)" "Darling, you spoil me." "I don't know how I shall ever repay you." " Watch yourself!" " My apologies." "Matter of life and death." "Won't happen again." "Believe you dropped this." "This isn't mine." "I saw the lady hand this to you, I'm not blind." "Are you implying that I take money from this woman?" "Are you saying that I cannot afford to pay for my own wardrobe?" "Do you know who I am?" "No!" "Then we're even." "You're in luck, boy." "Ordinarily, I would slaughter you on the spot, but this is a brand-new jacket." "Cooper's Yard, St. Germain, 1:00." "I suggest you dress for a funeral!" "What?" " Lottery!" " There you go." "Lottery ticket, sir?" "Might be your lucky day!" "What the hell?" "5 francs?" "Hey!" "Hey!" "What is this?" "Lt's a citation." "Lt's a ticket." "Failure to remove animal bowel movements from public area." "French." "Your horse took a dump on the street." "You're joking." "That's what they all say." "You know what?" "Cooper's Yard, St. Germain, 2:00." "Strange boy." "CASTELLAN:" "Milady de Winter!" "Close game, Your Eminence." " Hmm." " Who's the opponent?" "Myself." "No one else proved to be a sufficient challenge." "(GASPS)" "Hmm." "What news of England?" "He's coming." " Buckingham?" " Hmm." "And..." "And?" "He built it." "The war machine." "And he doesn't question your loyalty." "He thinks he's so cunning." "So evil." "Evil is just a point of view." "Ah!" "Richelieu." "Is this lady the emissary from England?" "Your Majesty is exceptionally alert." "So, madam, what of Buckingham?" "Majesty?" "Well, what's he wearing these days?" "Green, Your Majesty." " Green?" " Hmm." "LOUIS XIII:" "Very interesting." "And you had the gall to recommend blue?" "Of course it should be green." "Why am I surrounded by incompetent idiots?" "Green, green, green!" "Do I have to do everything myself?" "(CLOCK BELL STRIKING)" "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Ah!" "There you are." "Shall we get to it?" "ATHOS:" "So, are you eager to meet your maker?" "I have other appointments." "You'll miss them, I'm afraid." "Well, I'll try my best to be on time." "My seconds." "You!" "You're fighting this rascal?" "My appointments." "1:00. 2:00." "How long have you been in Paris?" " Arrived this morning." " You have been busy." "Patience is not one of my virtues." "Well, neither are good manners." "Wait for your turn, old man." "(LAUGHS SCORNFULLY)" "What would you like me to put on your headstone? "Little shit"?" "D'Artagnan." "I'm Athos." "This is Porthos and Aramis." "The Three Musketeers." "I've heard of you." "From my father, a Musketeer himself." "In fact, I came to Paris to be one of you." "I'm afraid you're a little late." "What happened?" "Oh, a bad mission." "Budget cuts." "Cardinal, progress." "Take your pick." "(SIGHING)" "Well, then, welcome to Paris." "Pity we'll have to kill you." "Well, if I can't become a Musketeer, I might as well fight one." "Or three." "(LAUGHING) Kill him already." "Lt's lunchtime and I'm starving." "Halt!" "(GROANS)" "Jussac." "Well, well, well." "How the mighty have fallen." "Dueling in defiance of the edicts?" "You got tired of rolling peddlers for spare change?" " Now..." " GUARD:" "Seal the square!" "JUSSAC:" "Surrender your weapons and come along with us." "GUARD:" "Seal it off!" "Unless, of course, you would rather resist." "PORTHOS:" "New plan." "Kill the boy, kick their asses, and then go get some lunch." "I could do with some exercise." "GUARD:" "Seal it off, boys!" "You were saying?" "On the other hand, discretion is the better part of valor." "You're the Musketeers." "Wrong." "We were the Musketeers." "Now we're just...us." "ATHOS:" "Rochefort." "(CROWD CHEERING)" "(CROWD CHEERS)" "(CHUCKLING)" "ARAMIS:" "Shall we?" "Finish them off." "Let's even the odds." "Enjoying the show?" " JUSSAC:" "You!" " Watch out!" "D'ARTAGNAN:" "You didn't answer my question." "Are you always this cocky?" "Only on Tuesdays" "and whenever beautiful women are involved." "Damn you!" "Can't you see we're trying to have a conversation?" "(CROWD LAUGHING)" "What is your name?" "Constance." "Constance." "Sounds very steadfast." "A quality you seem to know little about." " Oh, I beg to differ." " (JUSSAC GROANING)" "Deep down, I am a hopeless romantic." "Back for more?" "(CROWD APPLAUDING)" "(CROWD CHANTING) Musketeers!" "Musketeers!" "Musketeers!" "I'd forgotten what it feels like." "We all have." "The name is D'Artagnan." "You must come from a very small town." "How did you know?" "CONSTANCE:" "Lines like yours might actually work there." "This is Paris." "I suggest you stick to swordplay." "In the battle of wits, you, sir, are unarmed." "(SIGHS)" "(PORTHOS CHUCKLING)" "She's right, lad." "The ladies of Paris are infinitely more complicated." "They have 1,000 ways of saying, "No," and only some of them mean, "Yes."" "I hate to ruin the mood, but they will be back." "And unless you wish to fight an entire army." "Elsewhere." "D'ARTAGNAN:" "So, now what?" "Do we pick up where we left off?" "ATHOS:" "I think there's been enough fighting for one day." "PORTHOS:" "Besides, any man who's an enemy of Rochefort is a friend of mine." "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Who's Rochefort?" "ARAMIS:" "Captain of the Cardinal's guards." "The right hand of the most powerful man in France." "Rochefort is the most feared swordsman in Europe." "You certainly know how to pick your fights." "Like I said, he insulted my horse." "PORTHOS:" "You're reckless, arrogant, impetuous, probably be dead by sundown, but I like you, lad." " Where are you staying?" " No idea." "Ah!" "Do you have any money?" "Well, good sir, you and your fine steed are welcome in our humble home." "For the time being." "That goes in there." "(NEIGHING)" "Come on." "What shall we drink to?" "How about the King?" "He's a child." "Cardinal rules in all but name, might as well drink to him." "To France." "We served it, fought for it and bled for it." "Look where it got us." "Friendship?" "Love?" "(EXHALES) Word of advice, boy." "Trust no one." "Must be something you still believe in." "This." "And this." "Anyone who tells you otherwise is either a fool or trying to sell you something." "I know Athos may seem cold and unfriendly, but don't let it fool you." " Deep down..." " He really is cold and unfriendly." "What happened to him?" "What happens to any man, a woman." "You know, I don't want to offend anybody, but I thought you'd all be a little bit more...heroic." "(PORTHOS LAUGHING)" "What my esteemed colleague was trying to say, in his own way, is that we are obsolete." "We're warriors, but there's no war for us to fight." "And so we drink and brawl and quarrel with the Cardinal's guards and then we drink some more." "What we need is a great cause." "But there are no great causes left." "Which is why I keep telling you it's not too late to do that priest thing again." "Beats working for the city." "Free booze at wakes and weddings." "And then there's the nuns." "You were a priest?" "Until I realized being a man of God and a man of the cloth aren't always the same thing." "PORTHOS:" "And yet, he still says prayers for those he kills." " Old habit." " ARAMIS:" "On the contrary." "The men I kill deserve to die." "But they also deserve peace." "After all, they must have believed in something." "We all do." "Even the worst of us." "I'll drink to that!" "Planchet!" "More wine!" "Planchet!" "Sorry, sirs." "I'm afraid there's none left." "You've drunk the lot." "PORTHOS:" "What sort of answer's that?" "Well, go get some more, man!" "Very good, sir." "It's just, I can't, sir." "We've run out of money." " PORTHOS:" "Planchet, what are you?" " (SIGHS)" " Complete and utter waste of space, sir?" " And?" " As much use as a fart in a bottle, sir?" " Right." "In short, sir, a total tit, sir." "But I can't work bleeding miracles!" "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Planchet?" "Oh!" "(CHUCKLES)" "Thank you very much, sir!" "That's incredibly generous from such a handsome, young man." "Thank you very, very much." "Will you be staying here tonight?" "ARAMIS:" "He'll be taking your bed, Planchet." "Right, and so I'll be sleeping..." "You may take the balcony." "Outside?" "The balcony outside in the cold?" "With birds shitting on my head all night?" "Great, can I just say you..." "Wine!" "Wine!" " ALL:" "Wine!" "Wine!" "Wine!" "Wine!" " Yes!" "Of course!" "Wine it is, sirs!" "(BIRD FLUTTERING)" "(GASPS)" "(GROANING)" "RICHELIEU:" "Check." "(SCOFFS) This is a ridiculous game." "Surely the King should be the most powerful piece?" "The King is the most important piece." "But he's vulnerable, he needs protection." "May I suggest you castle him?" "Checkmate." "There." "What do you think of that?" "Your Majesty is a force of nature." " Took you by surprise, eh?" " Yes, indeed, you did." "May we speak a little about foreign policy?" " It's not about Buckingham, is it?" " Oh, I'm afraid it is." "He's arriving in Paris tomorrow." "His master, King James, has agreed to hear our peace proposal." "Good, good." "Well, he knows better than to mess with me, then." "There's also another matter." "A dangerous rivalry has sprung between Your Majesty's Musketeers and my personal guards." "Who was involved?" "Athos, Porthos, Aramis." "The usual suspects." "And a young man called D'Artagnan." "I have summoned them to the palace so that Your Majesty can punish them severely." "His Majesty, the King!" "Well, well, well." "(CLEARING THROAT)" "Brawling with the Cardinal's guards." "That's very bad." "What have you got to say for yourselves?" " We..." " Humbly beg your pardon, Your Majesty." "LOUIS XIII:" "Yes." "Yes, I should hope so, too." "So, tell me, how many were involved in the altercation?" "There were four of us against 40 of them, Your Majesty." "Four against 40?" " And you beat them like a drum?" " (COUGHING)" "And, yes, you shall have to be reprimanded, of course, most harshly, I'm afraid." " You do understand that, don't you?" " We do, Your Majesty." "CASTELLAN:" "Her Majesty, the Queen." "LOUIS XIII:" "Anne." "What a..." "What a pleasant surprise!" "My ladies and I wanted to see the valiant Musketeers who stood against the Cardinal's guards." "Four against 40?" "Or was it 400?" "ATHOS:" "Just 40, Your Majesty." "Lt was an off day." "(CHUCKLING)" "That's my Musketeers for you." "By the time they write songs about them, it'll be 4,000." "I hope you won't be too harsh with them." "After all, boys will be boys." "You must be D'Artagnan." "My lady in waiting has told me about how brave and dashing you were yesterday." "But you must try not to be so reckless." "Can't help myself, Your Majesty." " Your Majesty, the culprits." " Ah!" "Yes, yes." "Well, stand up, then." "Athos." "Porthos." "Aramis." "Forgive me for saying this, D'Artagnan, but you do look a little underdressed." "My father is a poor man, Your Majesty." "A former Musketeer as well." "These are the only clothes I have." "LOUIS XIII:" "Oh, Lord." "We shall have to rectify that." "Can't have my Musketeers, or the son of one, looking like tramps." "New suits all around, I think." "Yes." "You'll see to that, Cardinal?" "And, yes, I think a purse of gold for each as a reward for your courage." "You'll see to that as well, Cardinal." "And, yes, before I forget, no more fighting with His Eminence's guards." "Hmm?" "Or there'll be none of them left." "(PEOPLE CHUCKLING)" "Your Majesty, might I suggest a more..." "Forgive my impudence, Cardinal, but I doubt the King requires your advice in this matter." "After all, they are his Musketeers." "Good day, gentlemen." "LOUIS XIII:" "Well, now, off with you rascals." "But be there for the parade tomorrow." "New suits and all." "RICHELIEU:" "I tire of these royal children." "Lt's time to make our move." "We shall use Buckingham's arrival to our advantage." "During his visit, we will reveal that he arranged a secret rendezvous with the Queen." "May I inquire how Your Eminence has uncovered this scandalous affair?" "By reading Buckingham's letters to the Queen, found in her possession." "Written in Buckingham's hand, then authenticated by his seal?" "A woman of your talents should have no trouble procuring either." "Hmm." "Your Eminence is too kind." "However, I doubt that the King will accept such letters as definitive proof of his wife's indiscretion." "Then we shall provide him with something a bit more substantial." "A piece of the Queen's jewelry given to Buckingham as a token of affection." "Buckingham will be humiliated." "The King will be outraged." "The Queen will be executed." "France will have no choice but to go to war." "And in times like these, France will naturally turn to a stronger leader." "Someone better equipped to rule a nation than a cuckolded teenager with a grudge." "Hmm." "Someone like Your Eminence." "CAPTAIN:" "About face!" "Well, where is he, then?" "Lt's just appalling manners." "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "MAN:" "Drop anchor!" "Anchor aweigh!" "Damn his impudence!" "What is that thing called anyway, Richelieu?" "An airship, Your Majesty." " Why don't I have one of those?" " An oversight on our part." "Right, right." "Well, build me one." "MAN:" "Secure the lines!" "All lines secured!" "Buckingham." "Blue." "Oh." "Your Majesty." "Love the outfit." "Very retro." "We were all wearing those in London, when was it, last year or the year before?" "Lord Buckingham, I trust your journey wasn't too uncomfortable." "Not at all." "No." "On the contrary." "Handles like a dream and keeps me one step closer to heaven." "Cardinal." "Of course, being a servant of God, you have no need for such crude devices." "(CHUCKLES)" "King James is most eager to hear your peace proposal." " Lord Buckingham." " Anne." "Your Majesty." "I must say your beauty is far more radiant than I remember." "You've met before?" "A long time ago." "An evening I shall cherish forever." "Right." "Well, shall we?" "Now this is a pleasant surprise." "Another acquaintance of yours, I see." "We've met, yes." "As I recall, last I saw you, you were on your knees as well." "Most unfortunate habit." "Lt's a habit I shall have to break during our next encounter." "I look forward to it." "In the meantime, shall we talk peace?" "(SIGHING)" "You must pass me the name of your interior decorator." "Wine?" "I don't drink." "What about that rather nice bottle of Bordeaux in your middle left-hand drawer?" "You must pass me the name of your spy in the palace." "And yours in mine." "England cannot afford a war on two fronts." "Both our nations are stretched to breaking point." "A peace treaty would be of immense strategic advantage." "Whose advantage?" "Yours?" "Ours." "I have a feeling my new war machines will readdress the balance." "Very impressive." "CAPTAIN:" "And march!" "Left, left, left, right, left!" "Hold your line!" "Halt!" "About face!" "GUARD:" "Stay where you are!" "This is the Queen's wing." "You can't be up here." "Oh, thank goodness." "I got so lost." "I took a wrong turn and then a door slammed behind me." "I've been trapped up here, in the sun, in this heat." " It's going to be all right." " Oh, I'm gonna faint." " You're in safe hands." " Thank you." "CAPTAIN:" "And march!" "Halt!" "You can't shoot." "They'll hear you." "Shh!" "CAPTAIN:" "Wait for it!" "(CLOCK BELL RINGING)" "Left, left!" "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Constance!" "Constance!" "Hey, hey, excuse me!" "Pardon, Your Majesty." "This will only take a moment." "What are you doing here?" "His Majesty wants a word with me." "Imagine that." "Yes, lovely." "Now, excuse me." "I was..." "I was thinking, after I'm finished with His Majesty, maybe we could talk?" "I can't." "I have plans." "D'ARTAGNAN:" "What about tomorrow?" "I have a lot of plans." " Well, I..." " Look, D'Artagnan." "You may have a new set of clothes and the King's favor, but you still act like a clumsy country boy." "Now excuse me." "(WOMEN CHUCKLING)" "CAPTAIN:" "And halt!" "About face!" "And march!" "Left!" "Left, right, left!" "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Two summons in two days." "Your Majesty honors me." "LOUIS XIII:" "Cut it out." "Please, think nothing of it." "You're a good fellow, D'Artagnan." "So, how are the ladies treating you these days?" " Can't complain." " Yes, indeed." "Well, same here, of course." "Thing is..." "I've got this friend." "Just a regular chap, like you and me." "He got married very young." "Political alliance, arranged marriage, you know the sort of thing." "Hardly knew the girl." " But he likes her?" " Oh, yes." "Mmm-hmm." "Very much." "Well, does she like him?" "Well, funny you should say that." "That's the problem." "He's..." "He's not sure." "(SIGHING)" "Well, he just feels like a fool when he's around her." "He's always saying the wrong thing." "His palms are sweating." "His heart's pumping so loud he's afraid she might hear it." "Lt's torture just to look at her." " Have you ever felt this way?" " Not until recently." "So, what do we do?" "I mean, my friend." "What does he do?" "He should speak his heart." "Be someone who cares for her and isn't afraid to show it." "Be himself." "Well, that's what I told him." "Well, then he's doubly lucky." "After all, he does have Your Majesty as a friend." "Yes." "Yes. lt's good to have friends." "Will you excuse me just for one moment?" "I don't believe it." "(CLEARING THROAT)" "How are you?" "Very well." "I'm wearing blue." "And you look very handsome in it." "(CHUCKLES SELF-CONSCIOUSLY)" "Thank you." "Yes, I..." "You're looking just very lovely." "In fact, I was only just remarking to D'Artagnan how..." "How beautiful you are." "Thank you, My Lord." "(SPRAYING)" "RICHELIEU:" "How did it go?" "MILADY:" "Clockwork." "RICHELIEU:" "Good." "You'll go back to London with Buckingham and the diamonds." "MILADY:" "And what should I do with them?" "Put them in his personal vault, the most secure location in all of England." " The Tower of London." " Yup." "When the scandal breaks, he'll deny everything." "But once the diamonds are discovered in his possession..." "He would have led England to war through his indiscretion." "And what of the future of France?" "I am France." "One last thing." "I suppose it's quite easy, perhaps even tempting, for a double agent to play both sides." "Have I given Your Eminence any reason to doubt my loyalty?" "Spare me the rhetoric." "I know who you are." "I know what you are." "You have a gift for corruption and a penchant for betrayal." "I admire such skills." "But I'll destroy you the moment I suspect you might be using them against me." "Do we understand one another?" "There is another side to that coin." "Lt's quite easy for an employer to sever all ties with his operative, in the event that they are compromised, leaving them to rot in jail or on the gallows." "Your point being?" "I require a guarantee that I shall not suffer a similar fate." "An insurance policy, if you will." " My word should suffice." " (SCOFFS)" "I'm afraid I'll need something a bit more substantial." "(RICHELIEU'S VOICE) "It is by my order and for the good of the State" ""that the bearer of this has done what has been done."" "Satisfied?" "Immensely." "Your Majesty." "Purple?" "Fashion favors the bold." "Here." "Try this for size." "Oh, well." "Do give my regards to the Queen." "I will convey your diplomatic proposal to King James immediately." "Cardinal Richelieu, a pleasure." "All mine." "Your Eminence." "LOUIS XIII:" "Richelieu!" "Richelieu!" "There has been the most distressing development." "Certain letters, love letters, were discovered in the Queen's possession." "Letters from him." "Buckingham, of course!" "Who else?" "Have you spoken to the Queen about these letters?" "No." "Of course I haven't." "She'll just deny the whole thing!" "Hmm." "I can see Your Majesty's dilemma." "Is there any mention of a specific encounter?" "A detail?" " A token of affection, perhaps?" " Yes." "Yes, there is." "A necklace." "The one I gave her for our anniversary." "Here." ""I shall always cherish the 1 2 studded diamonds you gave me," ""the proof of our consummated love."" "Does "consummated" mean what I think it means?" "Yes, I'm afraid it does." "Oh, my God!" "All Your Majesty has to do is throw a ball." "What?" "How would that help?" "Lt would give Your Majesty the pretext to suggest to the Queen that she wear your gift." "Oh, Richelieu, that's very clever." "That's very clever." "So, if she has the diamonds..." "Your Majesty can rest easy." "And if she doesn't?" "He wants to have a celebration ball, five days from now." "Send my diamonds to the jeweler's to be polished." "I want the King's undivided attention that evening." "I hope I am not interrupting." "Hardly, Your Majesty." "To what do I owe..." "I know." "Perhaps Your Majesty would care to be a bit more specific?" "I know." "Yeah." "I assume this is the part where I'm supposed to laugh maniacally and regale Your Majesty with the details of some diabolical plot." "However, I regret to inform Your Majesty that I have no idea of what you're talking about." "I thought you'd say that." "Then why did you grace me with the honor of your visit?" "To look into your eyes when you said it." " Your Majesty." " (SOBBING)" "All may not be lost yet." "(BANGING ON DOOR)" "PLANCHET:" "Coming, coming!" "Hold your horses!" "Lt's not a matter of life or death, you know?" "Actually, it is." "You want me to go to England, retrieve the diamonds, which the Queen suspects might be in Buckingham's possession, which will naturally involve breaking into some heavily fortified, highly impregnable facility?" "The Tower of London." "Since the Cardinal's spies are trying to implicate the Duke, it is the most logical choice." "Then return to Paris with every soldier, assassin, mercenary, bounty hunter, on both sides of the Channel out to stop me from doing so." "Did I miss anything?" "All in five days." "A minor detail." "Anything else?" "No." "Well, I really only have one question for you." "Why in the world would I do that?" "England it is." "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Diamonds, Buckingham, Tower of London, five days," "Queen's reputation and the fate of France as we know it." "Who's with me?" "Well, I should imagine the Queen would be quite generous." "Count Porthos." "Hmm?" "What do you think?" "Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" "Besides, I hear the English women are a lot like a frosted bottle of champagne." "Ice on the outside, but once you warm them up..." "This isn't a great cause, but it'll have to do." "Buckingham's there, so is she." "Who?" "Countess de Winter." "Charlotte Backson." "Anne de Breuil." "Lady Clarick." "Milady." "Milady?" "I know her." "I saw her with Rochefort." "PORTHOS:" "She's switched sides again." "She's working for the Cardinal, no doubt." "What are you going to do if you catch her?" "ROCHEFORT:" "Musketeers, open up and surrender by order of the Cardinal!" " You were followed." " It's Rochefort." "Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D'Artagnan, surrender your weapons and no harm will come to you." "The moment they step out, kill them." "Light the torches!" "I'll count to five, then we'll burn you out!" "One!" "Two!" "Three!" "Oh!" "Sorry!" "Didn't see you there." " JUSSAC:" "Damn you!" " (LAUGHS)" "JUSSAC:" "Fire!" "RICHELIEU:" "Let me guess." "You've come to tell me that the Musketeers are dead, our plan is proceeding on schedule, and I have absolutely, positively, nothing to worry about." "We were taken by surprise, Your Eminence." "Somehow I was laboring under the assumption that the plan was for you to take them by surprise." " Was it not?" " Eminence..." "Yes, you are quite fond of that word, aren't you?" "Sadly, repeating it doesn't get you into my good graces." "Alert Milady." "Watch the ports." "No one is to leave for England without my official permission." "Post a bounty on their heads." "The bigger, the better." "Yes, Your Eminence." "Rochefort." "Do not fail me again." "ARAMIS:" "Jussac and a lot of help." "There's no way past." "How the hell did he get here so fast?" "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Now what?" "ATHOS:" "We need a distraction." " I'll go." " I'll go." "I could go." "Probably not." "Wrong." "Wrong on all counts." "You'll need every sword where you're going." "I can't help you there, but I can help." "Right here, right now." " If they catch you..." " They won't." " If they catch you..." " I'm the Queen's lady-in-waiting." "You, on the other hand, are a wanted fugitive, and about to steal from the most powerful man in England." "Which one of us should be worried?" "Go." "Go so that you can come back." "Now give me that hat." "D'Artagnan!" "Get after him!" "Wait!" "ATHOS:" "The diamonds will be in Buckingham's personal vault, located in the lowest, most secure level of the Tower, next to the crown jewels." "The lock is state of the art." "Lt requires a key that Buckingham carries on his person at all times." "Corridor leading up to it is booby-trapped." "Oh, I'm glad that's straightforward." "Tempt anyone with some bread and cheese, if you..." "You hadn't finished the briefing, actually." "I'm so sorry." "Please don't tell me off." "ATHOS:" "Then it gets worse, a lot worse." "We have to cross three stone walls and a moat." "And there's just a couple of hundred highly trained soldiers with a predilection for not being robbed." "Although, since Buckingham undoubtedly knows we're coming, thanks to Milady, that number is likely to be greater." "D'ARTAGNAN:" "And why can't we just tell Buckingham Milady is plotting against him?" "ATHOS:" "Because he wouldn't believe us." "Why should he?" "We're his sworn enemies." "Besides, Milady would have made sure." "Athos is coming." "Tell me." "What do you suppose he's after?" "What does it matter?" "Whatever it is, it's merely an excuse." "He wants revenge for Venice." "He wants me." "And he wants you." "We shall have to be ready for him." "Won't we?" "We can't outshoot them, but we can outsmart them." "He'll naturally favor misdirection and deception." "He knows we're expecting him, but that just ups the ante." "She knows us." "What we look like, how we move, how we think." "He'll divide his forces, independent teams, each with their own point of entry to maximize their chances." "There are four of us." "So we use..." "Well, there's five of us, actually, if you..." "He's a skilled diver." "He'll take the aquatic route, through the Traitor's Gate." "Aramis will undoubtedly rely on agility and stealth." "Check every tower, every rooftop." "Porthos, on the other hand, will employ brute strength." "One of his preferred methods is getting captured by the opposition." "All the more reason to take none of them alive." "One more thing." "They may try and drive a wedge between us." "Claim to have secret information about some plot to get us to turn against one another, like, say, I'm a double agent working for the Cardinal or you're looking to get rid of me." "I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth." " (GASPS)" " Although," "I suppose I should search you for concealed weapons." "That's how it's done." "And that's exactly what she'll expect." "So we do the unexpected." "We go in broad daylight." "One man, hiding in plain sight." "With all the extra security, there'll be a lot of new faces, that's their weakness." "And you, D'Artagnan, you're the wild card." "We are the decoys." "Now we'll try and create a distraction, keep them occupied, keep them away from you as much as possible, but, ultimately, it's down to you." "You wanted to be a Musketeer?" "You want to serve France?" "This is your chance." "COMMANDER:" "Left, right, left, right, left!" "I thought you saw the signal!" " I saw you waving like an idiot!" " Well, that was the bloody signal!" "I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but, unfortunately, I can't get my head that far up my ass!" " Up your ass?" "I'll tell you what..." " Yes!" "SERGEANT:" "That's enough of that!" "PORTHOS:" "Finally, good, at last, a peace officer!" "Now listen, Sergeant, I would like you to arrest this man!" "Arrest me?" "You can't arrest me!" "Don't you tell me that!" "I've lost my prized bantam!" " Bantams?" "They are rotten!" " They are not rotten!" "Sir!" "The first of the Musketeers has been arrested!" "The game is afoot." "Bring him to me and double the guards." "Double the troops." "Double everything." "Sir!" "They'll come to us." "Well, then." "I think Your Lordship has everything under control." "You won't mind if I don't stay to see how it all turns out?" " Do you think I might lose?" " On the contrary." "I have no issues with you killing Athos, but, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not watch him die." "Tell me, what's your favorite color?" "Red." "Why?" "I wanted to see if you were capable of telling the truth." "Hmm." "As far from here as possible." "Well, well, well." "Look at what the cat dragged in." "So, how's the old Athos, eh?" "Still his surly, insufferable self, I'm sure." "Sending a boy to do a man's job." "I should feel insulted." "Well, what were you after anyway, eh?" "Secrets, spies, it's all a game, really." "Although the price of loss, as you'll come to discover, is a little bit higher." "What?" "No last words?" "No insults?" " Pleas for mercy or..." " What time is it?" "About 2:00, I'd say." "Why?" "Are you in a hurry?" "Look out of the window." "They weren't the decoys." "I was." "Ahhh!" "(GUNFIRE CONTINUING)" "(MAN SCREAMING)" "Permission to come aboard?" "Granted." "(COUGHING)" "(GRUNTS)" "(PANTS)" "Athos!" "The wonderful thing about fighting an imaginary opponent, Captain Rochefort, is that he's always greatly skilled yet easily defeated." "Eminence." "The pride of victory without the risk of loss." "I trust you didn't come here to impress me with your swordsmanship." "No, Your Eminence." "I have some good news." "Such as?" "So what about the diamonds?" "Doesn't Buckingham still have them?" "Nope." "Milady likes hedging her bets." "She'd never have taken the chance we'd actually succeed in breaking into the vault." "D'ARTAGNAN:" "So where are they now?" "ATHOS:" "With the only person she trusts." "Which means we've lost her and all this has been for nothing." "I wouldn't say that." "You were the decoy, we were the extraction, but the real linchpin of the plan, well, that was someone else entirely." "Someone even Milady would never suspect." "Driver!" "What the hell is going on?" "Just following your instructions, ma'am." ""As far away from here as possible."" "(LAUGHING)" "PLANCHET:" "Whoo-hoo!" "Planchet." "Never thought I'd hear myself say this, but well done." "Thank you, sir." "That means a lot, especially coming from you." "Shut up, Planchet." "Yes, sir." " Don't." " (CLICKS)" "We took the precaution of removing the gunpowder." "What now?" "You give me the diamonds or I take them off your corpse." "Dealer's choice." " Anything else you'd like me to take off?" " Outside." "Boys." "Been a while." "This must be the young Gascon." "We've met before." "Ah, yes." "Small world." "I didn't let Rochefort kill you." "You do remember that, don't you?" "(GUN COCKING)" " Did you kill Buckingham?" " No." " But you will kill me?" " ATHOS:" "Yes." "You would spare him, but kill me?" "Yes." "I don't hate Buckingham." "Here." "You may find use for this." "Move." "Athos." "At least she died the way she lived, on her own terms." "She did it for me." "I wouldn't have been able to live with myself had I pulled the trigger." "Come on, let's go home." "LADY:" "But I can't get it." "LADY 2:" "How marvelous!" "Oh!" "So great!" " (CLEARING THROAT)" " Oh!" "Your Majesty." "My dear." "You look troubled." "Hardly." "Your Majesty just startled me." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "I just wanted to drop by and tell you how much I was looking forward to tonight." "Should be quite spectacular, you know." "Costumes, fireworks and such." "But you, you shall be the most spectacular sight of all." "And especially since you'll wear the diamonds." "You will wear them, won't you?" "Well, it's very important to me that you do." "Then I shall wear them, Your Majesty." "Until tonight, then." "She promised she'll wear them." "You do think she'll wear them, don't you, Richelieu?" "I'm sure she will, Your Majesty." "I'm sure she will." "(RETCHING)" "I hate air travel!" "(PLANCHET GROANING)" "Damn!" "HELMSMAN:" "Hard to starboard!" "Well, now that we have their attention, let's see if we can settle this in a peaceful manner." "More or less." "Ah, Gascon!" "So you've traded up when it comes to transport." "But, once again, you're outmatched." "You can thank Milady for that." "She passed on Buckingham's plans a long time ago." "As you can see, we made some improvements." "(CHUCKLES)" "Isn't she a beauty?" "What do you want?" "The diamonds." " Come and take them." " ROCHEFORT:" "Gladly!" "You see, I can blast you out of the sky with total impunity." "If you fire on me, on the other hand, you'll be killing Miss Oh-so-young-and-pretty." "You have 60 seconds." "He'll shoot us down the moment he has the diamonds." "We can't outrun them." "And we can't fight them, damn it!" "We can't." " Oh, D'Artagnan." " What?" "Do you think you have the monopoly on loss?" "What if she dies?" "The life of one woman or the future of France, what would you do if you were in my position?" "ATHOS:" "I've made a lot of sacrifices, a lot of hard choices." "For honor, for King, for country." "You wanna know what I've learned, boy?" "Hard choices and sacrifices do not keep you warm at night." "Life is too damn short and too damn long to go through without someone at your side." "Don't end up like me." "Choose the woman." "Fight for love, D'Artagnan." "France will take care of itself." "ROCHEFORT:" "Time's up!" "An exchange." "I go aboard your ship with the diamonds, the girl comes aboard ours." "Once I know she's safe," "I give them to you." "Fine." "But I want to see the diamonds first." "Planchet." "Cut her loose." "JUSSAC:" "Deploy the gangway!" "HELMSMAN:" "Deploy the gangway!" "Satisfied?" "You never learn, do you?" "Fire!" "Hard right!" "Fire!" "Good." "I really want you to see this." "Finish them off!" "We can't outrun them and we can't outgun them." "We could try asking them to surrender, but somehow I don't think it would work." "We hide." "In there." "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "HELMSMAN:" "Fire!" "GUNNER:" "Fire!" "Lay in a pursuit course!" "HELMSMAN:" "Lay in a pursuit course!" "GUNNER:" "Fire!" "He's persistent, I'll give him that!" "GUNNER:" "Fire!" "But, sir!" "We can't go into the storm!" "ROCHEFORT:" "Anyone?" "Anyone else who wants to question orders?" "Good." "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "Sir, now might be a good time to talk about the possibility of a raise?" "Shut up, Planchet." "Yes, sir." "Where are they?" "You're never gonna find them in there." "I beg to differ." "Keep after them!" "I'll take the Gascon!" "CREWMAN:" "Hard to starboard!" "You know what your problem is, boy?" "You read too many books, and then you believed them." "Courage, honor." "All for one." "But history isn't written by heroes, it's written by victors." "Keep your eyes open!" "Round two." "Oh..." "(WHOOPING)" "CREWMAN:" "Return fire!" "Pull up, damn it!" "We're too heavy!" "You scared to take me in a fair fight?" "Hardly." "I just don't fight fair." "Captain Rochefort!" "Oh, well." "(MEN SHOUTING)" "Drop the ballast!" "Drop everything!" "And fire up the burners!" "Over the side!" "Drop those barrels!" "Faster!" "Move!" "Shall we?" "Hold on!" "Get out of the way!" "Go!" "Run!" "(MEN GRUNTING)" "(GROANING)" "(MEN BATTLING)" "(CHUCKLES)" "I still have the diamonds." "What do you propose to do about that?" "Kill you." "If you insist." "(MOCKINGLY) Oh!" "(CRYING OUT)" "(D'ARTAGNAN GASPING)" "(GRUNTING)" "(CRYING OUT)" "You should've stayed in Gascony, boy." "You should've apologized to my horse." "(TUNING VIOLINS)" "RICHELIEU:" "Surround the palace!" "Shoot the Musketeers on sight!" "Use every man at your disposal!" "Any means necessary!" " Your Eminence!" " Don't interrupt!" "These men must not... (GUARDS CRYING OUT)" "(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)" "Arrest these men!" "What is the meaning of this?" "Your Majesty, these men..." "Are delivering a gift for Your Majesty." "Compliments of the Cardinal." "Cardinal, you shouldn't have." "Well, Your Majesty did ask me to get you one of those, so..." "So I did." "But what happened to it?" "Buckingham's spy, Rochefort, attempted to sabotage the craft." " He's been dealt with." " Rochefort?" "He's Captain of your guards, isn't he?" "Actually," "His Eminence was the one who uncovered the traitor." ""lt is by my order and for the good of the State" ""that the bearer of this has done what has been done."" " That's your signature, isn't it, Richelieu?" " It would appear so, Your Majesty." "LOUIS XIII:" "Well, let me get this right." "You brought me an airship and exposed a snake in our midst?" "How can I ever repay you?" "I could think of a few ways." "Anne." "I was just returning from the jewelers." "Well, I realize it's a little early, but the orchestra's here and so are we." "Would Your Majesty care to dance?" "I would love to." "Well, mind out, you fellows!" "D'Artagnan." "Well, well, well." "Looks like you aren't the only one who gets the girl." "Your Majesty is a natural." "Guess I am." "As a matter of fact," "I think you'll start noticing a few more changes around here." "Thank you." "For everything." "Any time." "LOUIS XIII:" "Well, strike up, then!" "CONDUCTOR:" "Your Majesty!" "Positions, please, gentlemen!" "(ORCHESTRA BEGINS PLAYING)" "Well-played." "(CHUCKLING)" "I could use men like you." "I already have a job." " I'm a drunk." " I'm independently wealthy." "Thanks, but no." "The day will come when you'll wish you had said, "Yes"." "D'ARTAGNAN:" "Maybe." "But not today." "Maybe not today." "Enjoying the show?" "Are you always this cocky?" "Only on Tuesdays and whenever beautiful women are involved." "So you think I'm beautiful." "Actually, it's Tuesday." "(SIGHING)" "ARAMIS:" "So, what now?" "ATHOS:" "We drink." "PORTHOS:" "And then what?" "Wherever they send us." "Whatever France needs." "I thought you didn't believe in that stuff anymore." "I believe in us." "Till the day I stop believing that, there are still things in this world worth fighting and dying for." "All for one!" "ALL:" "And one for all!" "You know, sirs," "I know you can be mean, tough, foul-tempered bastards, but sometimes I get the feeling that deep down you're all..." "ALL:" "Shut up, Planchet!" "Yeah, yeah, of course." "(ECHOING) In case you're wondering, this isn't the afterlife." "I'm not dead, and neither are you." "What?" "How did you..." "Followed Athos." "We fished you out of the Channel." " Where are we going?" " To France, of course." "SEAMAN:" "Sail away!" "To get back what's mine and pay back, with interest." "SEAMAN:" "Roll ballast!" "♪ (SINGING) When we were young ♪ The world seemed so old." "♪ Careless and cold." "♪ We did what we were told in our lives." "♪ When we were young." "♪ Had the world by the tail." "♪ Good would prevail ♪ Starships would sail." "♪ And none of us would fail in this life." "♪ Not when you're young." "♪ We were drawn to whoever ♪ Could keep us together." "♪ And bound by the heavens above." "♪ And we tried to survive." "♪ Traveling at the speed of love." "♪ Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young." "♪ When we adored the fabulous." "♪ Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young." "♪ We were the foolish fearless." "♪ Never knowing the cost of what we paid." "♪ Letting someone else be strong." "♪ Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young." "♪ In a moment of grace ♪ A long leap of faith." "♪ The still more glorious dawn awaits my life." "♪ I'm here with the lovers." "♪ And we burned the bridges ♪ We're crossing over." "♪ Just to see the firelight." "♪ And the innocent are getting over ♪ Being old tonight." "♪ Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young." "♪ When everything was what it seemed." "♪ Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young." "♪ And every day was how we dreamed." "♪ Never knowing the cost of what we paid." "♪ Letting someone else be strong." "♪ Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young." "♪ And when you look at yourself tonight." "♪ Are you someone you recognize?" "♪ You can take back what you've given away." "♪ But it must be the last time." "♪ Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young." "♪ When we were young." "♪ Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young." "♪ We didn't know it wouldn't last." "♪ Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young"