"The One Man Band" "How can you dare to be first!" "I want to be first!" "Me, too." "What?" "I said, I also want to be first." "But Monsieur, I am in my street." "I have the right to be first in my street." "You are not in your street, are you?" "No." "So go to your street where you can be first." "You are right." "This way we can both be first!" "Good." "And you don't move." "Not before I have left!" "Much later!" "Be quiet!" "We start from the beginning..." "No, it's finished!" "We've been working on it for over a month." "I don't care." "Ok." "You can leave..." "No!" "Stay!" "Hello uncle." "How are you?" "No time!" "What am I thinking?" "Quick!" "Telepathy!" "But it is wonderful what you are thinking..." "Do you hear what I am thinking?" "Listen!" "Look at me!" "Chatterboxes..." "Take your positions!" "To your positions, you two!" "And keep your mouth shut!" "Listen to me girls..." "Listen to me girls!" "Listen to me girls!" "And keep your mouth shut!" "5...6...7" "That wasn't bad." "Do that once again immediately. 5, 6, 7!" "That was nice..." "There's more power to it." "Again." "Give it all you have..." "Go on, 5, 6, 7!" "That was good!" "That was very good." "You are not too tired?" "Not too much?" "You can have a break..." "But first we do that once again." "The last time." "Go on, 5, 6, 7" "Mr. Evans, one month before the tour this is terrible!" "We must replace her immediately." "Listen, guys." "You have cut off my head." "That's enough!" "Well, good..." "Next one!" "Thank you." "Well, bad." "That was bad." "Er, well, not bad." "That wasn't bad..." "What do you think about that?" "And you?" "No, I think he's right." "Well, that wasn't bad." "Not bad at all." "That was very good." "Next one, please." "What is that!" "No... no... no!" "I don't want her!" "I don't want her!" "Leave!" "Leave!" "Who invited that one?" "Who invited that one?" "What's her name?" " What?" "What is her name?" "Who?" "What is your name?" "Hendrikje Schimmelpenninck." "Write it down!" "What?" "Write!" "Where?" "Now do that once again." "Did you see her dance?" "Did you see how she moved?" "No..." "Oh, you did not see it..." "I saw it!" "In here!" "It happened in here." "Telepathy!" "That wasn't bad." "Where did you work before?" "In Rome." "With Andrejev." "Oh la la." "And after that?" "In Madrid, with Barabanov." "Oh the poor old." "He's still alive?" "And after that?" "In London." "With Nevelevski." "Nevelevski?" "He's also still alive..." "Well, that's all too classic, but you've got the job." "But be careful!" "Here we don't have boyfriends, marriages or anything like that!" "This is like a monastery." "You replace a girl who wanted to get married and had to leave!" "Did you get that?" " Yes, Monsieur!" "Good." "And now let's start working." "Private property." "No men allowed." "Listen carefully." "If a man approaches you, no talk, no discussion." "Counterattack!" "Philippe, demonstration please!" "Look at me, Hendrika." "I am you." "Philippe is the man who wants... which is not allowed." "Go!" "Did you see?" "Now you, Hendrika." "Get up, Philippe!" "That's even better!" "Go..." "Very good." "Well that's..." "Get up!" "Fifty." "Not this way." "Here..." "Take off your glasses." "Fifty, two hundred." "Very good." "Forty-nine." "Fifty, one hundred." "Forty-eight." " That's good..." "Fifty-two, five hundred." "Faster!" "That's how to get rid of the fat." "Fifty." "What's going on?" "I can't hear anything." "What's wrong?" "The scales don't work?" " Yes, they do..." "How much is it then?" " Forty-five!" "Very good." "No, that's not necessary..." "My dear Françoise." "Discipline is everything, isn't it?" "A little bit of carrot, a little tomato..." "Don't sleep!" "Your face will stay like that." "Your plate, please..." "That's enough." "Ah, Leila..." "What's wrong?" "Where's the rice?" "A little bit of quince jam..." "It's nothing, put on your glasses." "Give me your plate." "Don't look at it, you will taste it!" "Your plate." "No, you don't need rice!" "Mr. Evans." "Are you satisfied with me?" "I'm very satisfied with you." "Do I dance better now?" " Much better, Hendrika." "With you I made such progress." "That's very nice of you, my little Hendrika." "Very nice." "Could I also have a little bit of the rice?" "Certainly, my little Hendrika." "Give me your plate." "A little bit more, please?" "Yes." "And also a bit of quince jam?" "Oh yes!" "Thanks." "Well, you feel better now?" " Yes, Monsieur." "Then you can take some medicine." "In front of me!" "You get the same dose." "Go!" "Private property." "No men allowed." "Before you go to bed, I will tell you the story of the wolf and the lamb." "Don't pull your nose!" "It will stay like that!" "I told you before." "Let's go on..." "And what happened after that?" "They married?" "Go to bed." "You did not understand anything..." "Dancing, that's my life." "I'm so happy to dance." "I don't like men." "Dancing, dancing..." "No men!" "Never any men!" "Philippe." " Who is it?" "It's me, open!" " No, it's not you!" "It certainly is me!" " No, it's not you." "But I tell you, it's me." " Prove it!" "How can I prove it?" " Sing the song of the latest ballet!" "It's Françoise's head." "Non, it's not really the head of Françoise." "Open!" "Open!" "She has left." "She's no longer in her room." " What?" "Get dressed, we'll leave!" "She mustn't see us!" "No matter what!" "We hide behind the bus." "It's nothing." "Go on." "It's nothing." "What do you mean, nothing?" "And this?" "And that?" "That's nothing!" "Absolutely nothing..." "This is nothing?" "No!" "Nothing" "And he?" "He has nothing?" "No!" " I've got nothing." "Well, you don't want me to bring you to a garage?" "The car runs fine." "It's you that keeps me from going..." "The car is fine." "Ah, it's me..." "I apologise for having had to brake, Monsieur." "Don't go, Madam." "There is NOTHING!" "We drive on now..." "No, thanks." "I am almost there." " Ok." "Finally a young one." "I take you to Paris." "You are a beau." "I will introduce you to my friends." "There's no need to be so shy." "Come back..." "We have to make up our minds, Françoise." "Do you want to marry me?" "Give me a little bit more time to think about it." "But I will leave in two days." "I need an answer before that, my beloved Françoise." "But Evans." "The ballet, the tour." "I can't leave that easily." "Yes, I understand." "I will wait for you." "I will give you a call in two days." "I hope it will be a yes." " So do I." "It's me." "It's me." " What's going on?" "You'll never believe me." "You'll never believe me." "We thought Françoise was leaving." "But you know what they were discussing?" " No." "Only about you!" " Me?" "There were only talking about you." "I almost fell into the water." "She said:" ""I love Philippe but I don't dare to tell him"." "That's impossible." "He said: "You have to tell him!" "Don't hide your feelings." And I kept on swinging to and thro..." "That's impossible." "There were talking about that all night long." "Till four o'clock." "I spend all the night swinging..." "What do you say?" " That's unbelievable!" "But listen." "If she comes into your room: out!" "And you never think about her." "Never!" "I have your word?" " Yes." " Look at me." "Can I count on you?" " Yes." "Yes, I can trust you..." "Everything will be fine." "That's incredible..." "Françoise..." "I..." " What's wrong with you?" "I..." "I wrote a song for you." "Can I sing it for you?" "In my room, tonight." "Tonight?" " If Evans doesn't see us, there's no problem." "Françoise... finally..." " What's wrong with you?" "I have forgotten the lyrics of my song for you..." "Relax, relax." "Loosen up." "This is a song... a song that..." "a song which..." "A song that what?" "I have your... but I have time..." "That's nice.." " To tell you in my song..." " That's the emotion..." "At last, Françoise..." "What I wanted to tell you..." "Wait!" "Wait... wait...." "I remember the lyrics of my song..." " What good is it now?" "At the end of my song I tell you..." " That you love me." "What's happening?" "Why are you here?" "What are you doing in Françoises room?" "Calm down!" "You know better..." "It's fun to mock me." "You think I am an idiot." " No..." "Wait for me... wait..." "Women are not easy." "The right time, place..." " And I missed both!" "?" "I understand now..." "No, you don't understand women at all!" " I tell you I do." "The girls played a nasty trick on Françoise." "You'll have to talk to her alone." "How?" " I have an idea." "Call her on the phone." "On the phone?" " That way nobody can listen..." "Go!" "Françoise, I dreamt many times of you..." "You again?" " I had to call you." "In front of you I lose my self-control." "I want to tell you..." "You can't be serious." "I'm tired..." "Good night." "Françoise, I love you." "Did you call Françoise?" "I woke her up." "She treated me like a child." " That's the mother in her." "She loves you!" "Call her again." "Go!" "I know how women are." "I know you love me." " That's enough!" " But Françoise, I love you!" "Stop bugging me." " But I have to tell you..." " And I have nothing to tell you." "Stop annoying me." "It's no longer funny." "Very good... perfect!" "Mr. Franco Budsoni?" " Speaking." " A phone call from Françoise Aumartin." "Ah, Françoise, what a nice surprise." "Yes, I can hear you." "I've been thinking about you all the time..." "And I have nothing to tell you." "Stop annoying me." " What?" "But Françoise, remember what you told me..." "Are you crying?" "Sure, you're sad..." "Please, remember." "I asked you to marry me." "It doesn't work." "Stop talking like that." "It's no longer funny." "Idiot." "What's that." "Where's the manager?" "Did you see that?" "Pedro." "Look." "He's already downstairs." "According to our contract there are only women allowed as staff." "But he has fourteen children." "And you think that's reassuring?" "I will find someone else in a few days..." " I will leave." "And I booked the whole floor." "Who's singing here all the time?" "I'll replace him with an old mute woman." " You must be joking." "I will leave..." "There he is again." "He went over there." "He's already over there..." "The girls are here." "What will they think?" "No men, only women... once and for all!" "Have a look at this: here's a lady." "Beautiful..." "How beautiful." "That is....enormous!" "It had to be like that." "I made it myself." "Ah yes, it looks similar to you..." "Come over here girls and have a look This man created it." "Nice, isn't it?" "But sisters!" "My sisters!" "What is that, sister?" "These are sisters!" "When I started working in Rome, I met this guy." "Then... it's difficult to explain..." "I understand." "Mr. Evans is wrong." "He can't protect us from men." "What happens if he finds out?" "And I have to get the baby tomorrow." "If you take it with you, our tour is in danger." "But I have an idea." "Put it in Mr. Evans' room." "Do the birds for me." "That helps." "I feel better now." "Quick!" "Evans is here." "We entrust you with our boy, the result of your nephew's trip to Rome." "That bastard!" "Yes." "One moment." "Don't come in." "What is that?" " Your tea, sir." "Go away." "Do the birds for me!" "Now go away." "Stop crying." "I will call your father." "Philippe, come over here, please." "No, it's nothing at all." "Is that you, Philippe?" "Come in!" "But what's that?" " A little baby." "A girl?" " No, a little boy." "It's your son." "Read this!" "Is it true?" "True or not?" "So it's true!" "You have left your child!" "Do you know what that means?" "You could be sent to prison!" "How could you do that?" "It was not very difficult..." "Don't you try to be funny with me!" "Now tell me!" "During our last tour, I met a girl in Rome." "How scandalous!" " A Sicilian girl." "A Sicilian!" "Didn't you think about me?" " At that moment... not really." "I don't deserve this." "You are a scoundrel." "A rascal." "You've dishonoured and ruined us." "The girls must not hear this." "It would ruin the ballet." "We have to keep it a secret." "We keep the child until we find the mother." " Its mother?" "What for?" "Because you will marry her." "That will fix it." "Oh no!" "Now we need diapers." "Phone off the hook." "The baby must not be disturbed." "I am not here." "My key." "I don't want anybody in my room." "My bed and my room are done." " Thank you" "I have a headache." "You have a headache?" "Better sit down." " He has nothing at all." "He's a liar..." "I need..." "I think I feel ill..." " You'd better sit down." "No, not there." "Over there." "I want you to find me..." "Are you in pain?" " No, no... it's nothing" "Can I go on?" "Are you ok?" "Are you ill?" " It's all right...." "Manager, I want a chamber-pot" " What?" " Don't laugh at me!" "But you have all the comforts...." " I know, but I want a chamber-pot." "This big..." "But that's small." "For you?" " Yes, for me." "I'll be back in half an hour..." "Did anyone call for me?" " Nobody." " Have you got the pot?" "The pot." "Yes, I will send it up." "No, I'm in a hurry." "I'll take it with me." "Hurry!" "Not good?" " Have you got a smaller one?" " No, this is the standard size." "Ok, it'll be difficult, but it'll do." "I take it." "Enough now..." "Now we'll weigh you." "He weighs exactly 4 kilos." "That's it!" "I found the house of the Sicilian girl." "Where?" "Let's go!" "I forgot to put the phone off the hook." "Wait here." "Philippe, come here quickly." "The baby has gone." "But it is here." " But it wasn't." " It's here!" "But it wasn't." " Is it here or not?" " Yes, it's here." "But it wasn't here?" " Yes, yes, it was here..." "I remember now." "It's here..." "Who's there?" " It's me." " Who's me?" "A friend." "Who's that behind you?" " That's not me, that's him." "That's him." " That's her." "That's him." "He's the father." "No, no." "Everything will be ok." "We will solve everything." "No, not the child!" "Blood!" "Blood!" "Blood!" "It's alright." "Everything is fine." "Thanks a lot." "Now we have two of them." "What's the name of Joseph's mother?" "Joseph?" "The little boy." "But we don't know if his name's Joseph." "I don't care." "I call him Joseph." "Now, what's the name of Joseph's mother?" "Look at me!" "In my eyes!" "Who's the mother of the boy?" "I'm listening..." "It was the maid of Marquis de Ronstalli." "The maid of Marquis de Ronstalli!" "Ok, back to the hotel." "We leave the little girl with her brother and I take care of the baron." "Of the Marquis." " I don't care about the Marquis." "Philippe, prepare a bath at 37° C for the Sicilian." "Yes, uncle." "If you do lalalala think of the consequences all that is very nice but life is serious" "They were so beautiful, I just couldn't resist." "I just saw the beauty in them." "If you do lalalala think of the consequences all that is very nice but life is serious" "But in their hearts I found the truth." "I was so happy I couldn't keep a clear head." "If you do lalalala, think of the consequences Children, prams, pipis and poopoos" "And now we have to find two nurses for them." "You will take care of that." "Me?" "But how do I do that?" "I don't care." "You will find a way." "I'll take care of the Marquis Ronstalli." "And we need a solution for the maid." "Marquis, it's about one and a half years ago... that is about 18 months.." "What?" "Well, two times nine months..." "What?" "My nephew and your maid have..." "I don't understand." "My nephew and your maid have..." "I don't understand." "There is a child now." "Leave." "But I'm absolutely serious." "Sir, you're a loutl... a lout!" "But we even thought about marriage." "That's impossible." "That has already happened." "I married her." "Your maid?" " Yes." "She never had a child." "I'm quite confused, Madam Marquis." "It's not her." "This one arrived yesterday." "And my nephew's little boy?" " Leave!" "But Marquis, whose child is the little boy of my nephew?" "But listen..." "I... well, ok... it's alright..." "This is weak." "A bit more spirit." "We did two rehearsals and are waiting for you." "What?" "We did two rehearsals and are waiting for you." "Philippe isn't here?" " Not yet." "What shall we do?" "We prepare the bottles." "I did it." "I found two nurses." " Good." "I spoke to the Marquis." "He's married." "To whom?" " To the maid." "To mine?" " No, to his..." "Well, yes to yours." "And the boy?" " No boy." "He's not hers." "Whose?" "The maid." "There must be another girl." "That's impossible, I didn't have any others." "I swear." "You swear it by the heads of your children?" " Yes." "Now I don't know any more, I don't understand anything any longer, nothing..." "Where is my daughter?" "My son has disappeared." "My baby has gone." "Call the police!" "It's very easy, commissioner." " Do you think so?" "Do you speak French well?" " Yes, yes." "I thought my nephew's son was the son of the Sicilian." "But it was a little girl." "The Sicilian was a little girl?" "No, the little boy." "Ah, the little boy was a little girl." "He doesn't understand at all..." "I understand perfectly... go on explaining!" "The two are mine, commissioner." "Speak when you're spoken to." "Everybody waits for their turn." "The little boy wasn't the child of the Sicilian but is still the son of my nephew." " I see..." "But the little girl was the child of the maid." "The maid?" " Of the Marquis..." "Bien shore, bien shore..." "Er, you don't say bien shore, you say bien-sûr." "Thank you very much!" "And why did you put these little babies in those big drums?" "Because we were looking for two nurses." "Yes, nurses." " What are you trying to tell me with that?" "I understand, you want to make fun of the commissioner." "And what about him?" " He will marry." "Yes, I will marry..." "We will marry each other." "And now the three of us start working together!"