"Reverend." "I brought a casserole." "...islands in the Pacific." "And early reports confirm it was uninhabited." "The French government is denying any responsibility, and details surrounding..." " God bless you, Reverend." " Thank you." "...the person or persons responsible for the launch are not being made available to the international community despite overwhelming pressure for answers." " How is she?" " Still fighting." "We've all been praying for her." "Thank you." "Arturo, I need you to fly me to Australia." "What?" "A cargo plane with the donated food for El Salvador is sitting on the tarmac in Austin, fueled up and ready to go." "I need to get to Melbourne immediately." "I'm asking you to fly me there." "But the explosion." "They said all flights have been grounded." "All nonessential flights." "Military and foreign aid are exempted." "And you, Arturo, are not only a valued member of our congregation, but licensed by an internationally recognized NGO." "Randy's available to copilot." "Reverend, I-- I can't leave my mother." "That's $20,000." "It should be more than enough to compensate you for your time and get excellent care for your mother." "Something incredible is gonna happen in the next few days on the seven year anniversary, but only if we go now, right now." "You-- you said that we needed to be in Miracle on the 14th." "We will be." "We'll be back." "But there's a man, a very special man, and he's supposed to be here with us, but he's in Melbourne." "And because of this unexpected event, he's stuck in Australia." "He's stranded." "God has placed an obstacle in our way, but He wants us to overcome it." "He wants us to demonstrate our faith." "We need to go get this man and bring him home." " So, it's a rescue mission?" " Yes." "A rescue mission, exactly." "Okay." "Okay." "Bless you." "All right, let's go." "I have some friends meeting us on the tarmac." " How many?" " Just the three of us." "Three wise men." "Hi, this is Kevin Garvey." "Leave a message." "Hello." "It's me again." "I" " I don't know if you're getting my messages, but I'm sure you're aware there's been a nuclear incident in the South Pacific, but I've secured transportation." "I'm coming to get you, Kevin." "What are you doing here?" "I'm getting on your plane." "You invited her?" "The only reason you even know where Kevin is is because he called me." "And we're immensely grateful for that, Laurie." " Oh, you're immensely grateful?" " Yes." "But with all due respect," "I'm not sure you entirely grasp what's happening here." "Okay, uh, three years ago, my ex-husband experienced severe delusions and tried to kill himself." "And instead of acknowledging his mental illness, you turned it into fucking scripture." "And when he found out about it, he relapsed and ran halfway around the world, probably to get the fuck away from you." "Is that what's happening here?" "Am I grasping it, Matt?" "Have you even talked to Kevin?" "I left him a few messages." "He hasn't called me back yet." "What about Nora?" "Nora?" "Nora, your-- your sister." "Y-yeah, she's not picking up the phone either." "But why would you know that?" "Because you're too busy chartering cargo planes to Australia." "Tell me, Matt, does that seem reasonable to you?" "Well, it must seem reasonable to you since you're trying to get on it." "This is your fault, you self-righteous shit!" "Yeah, did you bring your whistle, Laurie, 'cause it sounds like you need to blow off a little" " Fuck you!" " Everybody calm down." "Look, this is my wife." "You want us to come, she comes, too." "We all want the same thing, to make sure Kevin gets home safe." "Right?" "Right." "Then let's get on the plane and work this out like civilized adults." "When we find Kevin, you don't speak to him, okay?" "I will talk to him." "He didn't call you." " He called me." " And what exactly did he say?" "What did he specifically say that leads you to believe he's delusional?" "Did he see something or someone?" "Did-- did she tell you?" "She said he was upset." "Upset about what, exactly?" "Because I'm getting the feeling we're not hearing the entire story." "No, the whole story, Matt, is in your ridiculous book, which somehow you convinced my husband and my stepson to keep from me." "Yeah, well, they kept it from you 'cause they knew this would be your reaction." "Do you think it's ridiculous, John?" "It doesn't matter what I think." "We'll know in the next four days, right?" "What happens in four days?" "It's the seven year anniversary of the departure." "So?" "This is my plane, my mission!" "And I will speak to Kevin because I absolutely refuse to believe he's psychotic." "I was married to Kevin for 15 years." "He used to look through all of our cupboards before he found the wine glasses, he has a tattoo that's misspelled, and he shits four times a day." "So, I refuse, Matt, to believe that he's the goddamn second coming of Christ!" "Oh!" "What are those?" "For my allergies." " Michael." " Hmm?" "I need to know you're with me." " Where else would I be?" " No, no, no, no." "I need to know you're with me, that you'll help me bring Kevin back to Miracle, whatever it takes." "Maybe we should just ask him what he wants to do." "We can't land in Melbourne." "What's happening?" "The airport's shut down." "They're diverting us." "No, no." "We're a relief mission." "We're authorized." "They don't care." "Where can we land?" "Tasmania." "Tasmania?" "!" "Then how the hell do we get to Melbourne?" "Is this where I get tickets for the ferry to Melbourne?" " Yes, sir." " Oh, thank God." "Our plane was forced to land and we're stranded here." "No that Tasmania isn't lovely." "Three tickets, please." "Hey, fuck you, Matt." " Come on, man." " Sorry." "Four tickets." "How long is the journey there?" "11 hours." "Okay, okay." "11 hours." "Not bad, huh?" "Unfortunately, tonight's ferry is booked for a private group." "I'm afraid our first available is the day after tomorrow." "No, no, that's too late." "We need to get to Melbourne immediately." "This, uh, private group must have a few extra seats." "They bought the boat, sir." "If you wanna get on, I'm afraid you're gonna have to take it up with them." "Are they putting a lion on that boat?" "Sure looks like it." "Hi." "Nice to see you girls." "Come in, come in." "I know I marked you off." "Right." "Hello." "How are you today?" "I'm 91 and I'm having a son." "I'm sorry?" "I'm 91 and I'm having a son." "I think she wants you to say something, man." " Oh!" "Uh, what is it you want me to" " Are you a member of our pride?" "No, but if we could become members, we're willing to pay." "Oh, no, no." "No money allowed." "How come you didn't ask that guy whether he's 91 and having a son?" "Well, he's a friend of the captain." "Well, uh, we're friends of the captain, too." "Is that true?" "No." "Listen, we have a friend in Melbourne who's in trouble." "He needs our help." "Your boat is the only way we can get to him." "I'm appealing to your sense of charity to let us onboard." "No." "There's gonna be sex on this boat." "There's gonna be a lot of it." "Debased and sinful from port to port, all without judgment." "Is that gonna be all right for you?" "Absolutely." "Yeah." "Well, then, why don't you tell me the filthiest joke that you know?" " A panda goes into" " No, no, no." "Not you." "Him." "What's the difference between a pimple and a priest?" "A pimple waits until you're 12 to come on your face." "Righty-o, then." "The lady has free reign." "No law can govern the lioness." "And as for you fellas, there's only one rule, so learn it well." "When midnight comes, let no man mention his name lest that man become him." "Who's him?" "Frasier." "Thank you." "There you go, now." "Hello." "♪ Now, Frasier was an aging lion ♪" "♪ Living in a cage of iron ♪" "♪ In a circus out of Tijuana... ♪" "Terrorism?" "It was the French." "You think they're starting a war with the English?" "This is revenge for Agincourt?" "Yes, you said that already." "But when will you-- no, no, I'm not at the airport." "If I was at the airport, why would I be calling?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Flights are still grounded." "They refuse to sell tickets over the phone." "I'm gonna go to the snack bar to get some sandwiches." "You want some?" "I'm not hungry." "♪ I'm 91 and I'm having a son... ♪" "There's still time." "Even if we can't get a flight, we can take this ferry back and Arturo can fly us home." "What?" "We're not gonna make it back to Miracle by the 14th, man." "Yes, we are." "Well, even if we find Kevin right off the boat, there's no guarantee he's gonna come back with us." "I think we need to accept that whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen here." "No, no." "We're bringing him home." "He has to be in Miracle." "You two should know that better than anyone." "It was spared for a reason." "It's special." "You know, it-- it cured my wife, it gave me my son." "And my wife left me and I lost my daughter." "It's got nothing to do with where we live, man." "We just gotta let go and see what happens." "We're not in control of this thing." "Yeah, well, that's 'cause you gave control to Laurie." "Maybe if you'd given a little more control to Mary, she wouldn't have left." "Mary leaving was a test." "A test of my faith in that place to see if I'd leave." "So, if you think I'm gonna be in goddamn Australia on the day of reckoning" " Matt." " What?" "You're bleeding." "It's fine." "I'm fine." "It's fine." "I'm fine." "He hit you, huh?" "What?" "Your nose." "God hit you." "No shame in it, mate." "I've seen God smite many a man on this boat." "Ice bags in the infirmary if you need one." "Sorry." "Are you asking if God punched me in the face?" "Indeed." "The one true Lord-- Yahweh." "Holy of holies." "Voice of the Olympics." "Red hat and a beard." "Likes the top deck." "But I'd steer clear if I were you." "Excuse me, sir." "Sir." "I'm sorry to bother you, but are you telling people you're God?" ""I am the one true God." "I go by many names, but Mr. Burton is fine." "I will not take a photo with you." "There was no big bang." "Just nothing, then light." "Yes, I created you." "No, I didn't create unicorns." "Eve was not made from Adam's rib." "It was his tibia." "I asked Abraham to kill Isaac just to see if he'd do it." "Yes, evolution is real, but it doesn't work how you think it does." "I won the bronze medal for decathlon, and the one you can't remember is the hammer throw." "No, I had nothing to do with the Crusades nor any type of genocide/holocaust."" " Can you believe this guy?" " It was just a joke." "It's blasphemy, is what it is." "You know he's not God." "Why does it bother you?" "Because he's saying he is." "You know, he didn't even talk to me." "He just handed me a card and wandered off like I was asking for an autograph." "I think you should tell Laurie you're sick." "I'm not sick." "Yes, you are." " You should tell her." " Why would I do that?" "My dad used to keep everything inside, even with my mom." "All that time he was just pretending he wasn't so angry." " Then he met Laurie and she made him better." "No." "He got better because of us, because of the work we've been doing, because of the book." "Laurie gave him psycho babble." "We gave him faith." "She doesn't believe in the same thing we do, but she wants to help Kevin." "I think she'd wanna help you, too, if you just talk to her." "She-- she's not part of this." "Matthew, John, Michael-- they were all disciples." "Maybe Laurie's one, too." "♪ Is there a question in your mind today?" "♪" "♪ If God is real, boys, just, he'd say ♪" "♪ How we would know that God is real ♪" "♪ His warm spirit in my soul I can feel ♪" "♪ O Lord ♪" "♪ The biggest problem of the world today ♪" "♪ People just don't believe that He's coming back one day ♪" "♪ O Lord, do you..." "Hey, big boy." "Wanna party?" "Don't bother with those two." "Hey." "How's your nose?" "Oh, it's fine." "It was nothing." "Do you mind if I speak to Laurie alone for a minute?" "Uh, sure." "Of course." "I'll be inside with Michael." "That couple just asked me and John to be part of a four-way." "How flattering." "Well, at least I learned about this pride that we joined." "Yes." "Apparently, back in the '70s, there was a whole bunch of these lionesses in some wild animal park in California that refused to mate with any of the males there." "They just-- they wouldn't have it." "But then something amazing happened and the park rescued this old fleabag of a lion from a bankrupt Mexican circus." "He was ancient." "He was, like, in his 90s." "It was a charity case." "And they brought him to the park so he could live out his days in peace." "By the next morning, he had screwed each and every one of those lionesses and ended up fathering 35 cubs." "Ah, the infamous Frasier." "Ooh, be careful." "It's after midnight." " No man may speak his name..." " Lest that man become him." "That lion that we saw that they put on the boat is one of his descendants, supposedly." "They're taking him around the world to different zoos so he can spread his seed." "Well, that is the foundation of any respectable religion." "You know..." "I think we should play it your way." "I'm sorry?" "With-- with Kevin." "I mean, letting him believe that he's a messiah might be our best chance of earning his trust." "Let's be honest, you have a better story." "My story is true." " Come on, Matt." " It's all true." "It's-- it's based on fact." "I just wrote down what Kevin experienced." "He experienced hallucinations." "He saw things that weren't there." "How do you know?" "How do you know they weren't there?" "Because Patti is dead!" "Because Evie is dead!" " If you wrote a book every time somebody thought they saw" " Evie?" "Is that what he said when he called you?" "Did Kevin see Evie?" "Please don't say anything." "John and Michael, they wouldn't-- just please, please, Matt." "What kind of person do you think I am?" "I" " I think you're a good person." "I think you're a good person, too." "Can I buy you a drink?" "No." "I'd just like a moment alone." "To pray." "Okay." "Well, we'll be at the bar." "If you can't find us, just look for the orgy." "God speed." "Stop, stop!" "Man overboard!" "Man overboard!" "I saw you." "I saw what you did." "There's a man in the water!" "There's a man in the water!" "I think he's jumped!" " Didn't he call?" " What are you doing, mate?" " Man, the boy is nuts." " That's weird." "He jumped overboard, yeah." "What the hell were you thinking?" "!" "I was trying to save a man's life!" "You need to get the ship's manifest and account for every passenger." "Whoever's not on the boat, that's the man I saw go over." "There is no manifest, mate." "Your people bought out the whole boat." "My people?" "!" "I'm not one of those lunatics." "Listen to me, there's a dangerous man on board." "I can identify him." "He's wearing a red hat and calling himself God." "You mean David Burton." "You know him?" "That woman, she said he was a friend of the captain." "I'd hardly call him a friend, but I know him, sure." "We all do." "He's a celebrity." "A celebrity?" "He was a broadcaster in the Sydney Games." "Had quite the touch." "He was a decathlete back in the '80s." "Medaled for Australia." "Ah, yeah!" "Yeah, the bronze." "I read about it on the card he gave me right after he washed his hands of the Holocaust." "But what it fails to clarify is how he went from being a sports announcer to Yahweh." "It was after he died." "Yeah, what?" "About three years back, he went rock climbing with a mate just outside Perth." "He fell 100 meters." "Broke his neck." "His mate dragged his body into the cave so the dingoes wouldn't eat the corpse, made his way back to civilization." "But when they got back there," "Burton was sitting at the front of the cave, not a scratch on him." "Said he felt absolutely fine and that he was God." "People don't actually believe this guy's God?" "Some do, sure." "Most are just having a laugh." "I don't think he expected so many people to be pestering him, so he hands out those cards, the frequently asked questions." "Spends most of his time in Tasmania." "He's got a little cabin down there." "He's quite a private sort of fella." "Spends a bit of time on the ferry just to be amongst the people." "So he can murder them?" "We don't have any other witnesses." "Nobody reported missing." "Well, those sex-crazed maniacs wouldn't notice anyone missing!" "Burton walks in here and confesses," "I'll be happy to contact the authorities." "We dock in Melbourne in a few hours." "Until then, mate, I suggest you go and find some dry clothes and enjoy the ride." "You believe me, don't you?" "Yeah." "Of course." "Like when I told you I didn't molest my comatose wife?" "Excuse me." " What?" " Where's your list?" "What?" "When we got on the boat, you had a list of your members." " Where is it?" " Oh, I don't know." "Somewhere." "One of your people has gone in the water." "We need to find out who he is." "Oh, no, thanks." "You don't care that somebody's been killed?" "No, not really." "Of course not." "Why would you?" "All you care about is fucking each other and Frasier!" " What?" " You spoke his name." "He spoke his name!" "He spoke his name!" "He spoke his name!" "He spoke his name!" "He spoke his name!" " Become him!" " Become him!" "Become him!" " Become him!" " Become him!" "Become him!" " In darkest Tijuana..." " Become him!" "...at 91 years of age, who, by the force of man, was taken from his home." "Frasier!" "Taken north across the border where the lioness awaits a worthy mate." "Who is the king that she awaits?" "Frasier!" "Become him!" "Become him!" "What are you doing?" " No!" "91 and still in his prime!" " No!" " 91 to father a pride!" "Who will give his seed?" "Frasier!" "No!" "Please." "Please, no!" "No!" "No, no, no, no!" "No!" "Hey!" "You people are sick!" "One of your people is out there murdered, floating in the water, and you're in here doing this!" "You ought to be ashamed of yourself." "Hey!" "I saw you." "I know what you did." "You think you can get away with this?" "Don't ignore me!" "I'm talking to you." "Are you all right?" "I heard what you said in there." "You're right." "They're sick." "We're not all like them." "There's a plan." "When we dock, be sure you stay on the boat until it's safe." "When we dock, stay on the boat." "Jesus, Matt." "You look terrible." "I'm fine." "I just need to speak to Michael and John." " About what?" " Please, Laurie." "It's in your best interest if you're not involved." "You know, whatever you have to say to us, you can say to her." "No one seems to care that I just witnessed a murder." " The man who perpetrated it just assaulted me." " He what?" "He hit me with impunity and he needs to be dealt with." "Dealt with how?" "We need to compel him to confess to what he did." ""Be not deceived." "God shall not be mocked." "For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."" "No, we're not reaping anyone, man." "You used to burn men's houses down for pretending to be things they're not." "What happened to you, John?" "What happened to your wrath?" "He found peace." "He thinks his daughter's still alive." "That's not peace." "What?" "Nothing." "What?" "Kevin told her he saw Evangeline." "Here." "In Australia." "Is that true?" "It-- it wasn't her." "What he saw was-- was, uh-- it was a manifestation of-- it was-- she wasn't real." "And if I told you, you would've..." "I didn't want to hurt you." "I understand." "I wouldn't have told me either." "I understand, too." "She was protecting you." "That's what we're supposed to do for each other." "I'm sorry." "It's been a long day." "I haven't had any sleep." "We all need to get some rest before we dock." "They've offered me a bed to lie down in in the infirmary." "I" " I think I'll take them up on it." "This is a distraction." "We need to focus on Kevin now." "Where's my book?" "I threw it overboard." "Oh." "It was just getting good." "You know how it ends." "What makes you say that?" "Because you know everything." "You're being sarcastic." "No." "I was just wondering why I haven't been struck down by lightning yet." "Why don't you, uh, transform those ropes into serpents and free yourself?" "I don't need to do that." "You're going to untie me once you get what you want." "And what is it I want?" "My attention." "I already have your attention." "No." "Not yet." "Not yet?" " Well, you're finally talking to me." "Shh." "You're agitating him." "Admit what you did." "I've done lots of things." "You threw that man overboard." "Okay." " Okay?" " Sure." "Say it." "I threw that man overboard." "You'll tell the captain and the authorities?" "No." "Why not?" "Because I'm the authority." "Oh, right, you're the authority on everything-- creation, Isaac and Abraham, the decathlon." "And yet you only won the bronze." "Well, that was before." "Of course." "Because you weren't always God." "You had to die in a rock climbing accident and come back to life just like your son Jesus, who, strangely, doesn't seem to get a mention here on your little card." "He wasn't my son." "You're denying paternity?" "Mary's word versus mine." "And yet you still see fit to steal his story for yourself." "He was the one who died and rose again." "No." "He rotted in the cave." "What?" "Jesus had an identical twin brother." "That's who everyone saw a few days later." "Thus, the confusion." "So, you take no responsibility for your only son giving his life for the sins of mankind?" "Seems a lot to ask somebody." "Then what do you take responsibility for?" "Dinosaurs?" "The Black Plague?" "Mount Everest?" "The Mona Lisa?" " The sudden departure?" " Yeah, that was me." "The sudden departure was you?" "Uh-huh." "Why?" "Because I could." "You're gonna have to do better than that." " No, I don't." " You do." " Why?" " Because there has to be a reason." " Why?" " Everything in my life I've done for a reason." " Why?" " To help people." "To-- to guide them." "To ease their suffering even though I suffered myself." "I sacrificed my happiness." " I let my family abandon me." " Why?" "For you!" "Everything you've done you've done because you thought I was watching." "Because you thought I was judging." "But I wasn't." "I'm not." "You've never done anything for me." "You did it for yourself." "Is that why you're killing me?" "When I was a boy, I was sick." "And I prayed to you to save me, and you did." "Why is it back?" "I can save you again." "No, you can't." "Untie me." "Ta-da." "You're saved." "Ladies and gents, we will be docking in Melbourne shortly." "Please dispose all rubbish and collect your personal belongings before you disembark." "Thank you for sailing with us." "We do hope you enjoyed the voyage." "There you are." "Fishing boat found a body." "Matches your description." "I've notified the police." "They'll be taking Burton into custody when we dock." "They'd like you to go down to the station and make a statement, assuming you don't have any pressing business in Melbourne." "No, I don't." "Hey." "Did you get some rest?" "Yeah, I did." "Thank you all for coming." "I'm glad you're here." "Are you okay?" "Actually, Laurie..." "I'm dying." "What?" "David Burton, you are under arrest!" "Out of the way!" "Out of the way!" " All of you!" " Stay clear!" "Hey, this way, David!" "Stay behind the barrier!" "Aah!" "That's the guy I was telling you about." "♪ Frasier was an aging lion ♪" "♪ Living in a cage of iron ♪" "♪ In a circus out of Tijuana ♪" "♪ Growling for his daily dinner ♪" "♪ Frasier kept on getting thinner ♪" "♪ With each measly can of Spam or tuna ♪" "♪ Times were lean, but he was leaner ♪" "♪ So one night in Pasadena ♪" "♪ Through the bars he split for South Laguna ♪" "♪ "Oh, cruel is fate ♪" "♪ But it's never too late," said Frasier ♪" "♪ "I'm 91 and I haven't a son" ♪" "♪ Oh, Frasier ♪" "♪ "The blue-eyed truth is I'm ready for euthenasia" ♪" "♪ Though matted in tar ♪" "♪ A local safari rescued poor old Frasier. ♪" "Everybody wants something." "That's why we're here." "Where is Kevin?" "Is he here?" "We asked him to die." "Again." "Well, it's a lot to put on someone." "You don't believe in this!" "I can't." "You said he got the idea from Revelations." "Tell me we're crazy." " Tell me we're going too far." "And we can go home right now and forget all this." "Whatever is happening here..." "I want to be a part of it."