" Excuse me, I was expecting someone to meet me." "Mr. Walker of the American embassy." "Have you, by any chance" "Well, that was a stand off." "Well, gentlemen, I don't understand a word of Portuguese, but I hope this is all on a high plane." " In either language, se?" "orita, we are journalists." " And you must be the so famous American authoress." " There are various opinions about it, but that's my favorite." " Excellent, will you not make a statement for the press?" " I've come to write a book about your marvelous country." "Not as a tourist, but as an affectionate friend." "I shall visit every corner of Brazil until I feel" "I really know you South Americans." " Excuse me." " Rod." " Darling." " Hello." " Can't you stay out of trouble?" "Gentlemen, I'm sure that Miss, that is to say, my countryman, didn't mean to refer to Brazilians as South Americans, slip of the tongue, of course." "And she doesn't mean that she's actually going to write a book on Brazil, nor is she going to travel about, she's simply here, let us say, to renew some old acquaintances." " Yes, I'm just a visiting moron." "Why don't you ask the gentlemen if they'll autograph my yo-yo?" " But at least give us your name or perhaps a picture." " No, no pictures, please." "I would suggest that you call the embassy later." "I can perhaps give you more information." " If you find a little spot in the want ads, the name is Nicky Henderson, and if you call the Hotel Gloria" " Did you say Nicky Henderson?" " That's right, Nicky." "It's a bit cute for a big girl like me, but then." " Thank you very much, senorita." "I hope you enjoy your stay in Brazil." " Well, what's with the fourth estate?" "Is it my personality, or something my best friends wouldn't tell me?" " That, my lass, is a sample of how the Brasileiros feel about the girl who wrote Why Marry a Latin." " Oh, come now, Rod." "Why Marry a Latin wasn't intended for kiddies." "And don't tell me these big, strong Brazilians haven't a sense of humor." " You're going to love it here." "Brazil has everything." "It's big, bigger than the United States, with Texas thrown in again." "You'll need an old hand to show you around if you want to see everything." " Get him." "Six weeks in Rio and he's an old hand." " I get around." " I am gonna need help, though, Rod, because before I write a single word about Brazil," "I want to know it as well as I know the back of my hand." "Both hands." "I want to study the people, learn how they live, act and react, I want to know all about their culture, their politics, their art, their economy." "This is gonna be the definitive edition." " Now you're talking, darling." "To write about a people, you must know a people." "How long are you staying?" " Two weeks." " Two." "So, you still do that, huh?" " Do what?" " Hum that strange little tune to yourself when your mind is wandering." " Yes, I guess I do." "Only my mind doesn't wander, it dances." "It's the artist in me, of course." " Part of a song you wrote, isn't it?" " My unfinished symphony." "Me and Schubert." "The awful part of it is, that's all I can remember." "Well, I guess my old mind's really wandering." "Rod, what do you say we call it a very late night?" " What, and miss all this honest to Pete native entertainment?" "That's what you came to Brazil for, wasn't it?" " Was it?" " Stick around." "You haven't seen anything yet." "Hello, Frank." " Hello, Rod." "Nicky, what a surprise." " Hello, how long have you two been here?" " Eight weeks, we're going back to New York tomorrow." " Oh, what a shame." " Come backstage." " Veloz and Yolanda, real native stuff, eh, diplomat?" " Yes, real native stuff." "Where are you going?" " Backstage, to see my Brazilian friends, then to look for a real guide." "Back to the hotel." " Oh." " The same to you, I think." "Came here." "Place closed." "Where him?" "Boss?" "Him, where him?" "Don't you understand?" " No, I don't speak English very well, either." " Well, I certainly led with my tourist card that time." " I am truly sorry, senorita." "I did not mean to be rude." "But your hands were so graceful, like small white butterflies." "I was fascinated." " Thank you, senor." "It's nice to know that my girlish charm gets over, even in sign language." "Oh, I have a tio for you, too." " Yes?" " That was a lovely song." "Was it real native stuff?" " What you call native hot stuff." " Well, it's certainly a relief from the boogie woogie" "I'm used to." "But you wouldn't know about that." " Oh, senorita." "On the contrary." "I, Miguel, I'm a man of international culture." "I know well this boogie woogie." "It is your native music." "Now, senorita, may I be of any service to you?" " Well, I don't think so." "I came here looking for this agency, but it seems to be closed for the duration." " Oh, the manager, he's taking a bath." " For the duration?" " For the moment, we are both living there together." "Se?" "or Everett and I are like those." " Then you are connected to the agency." "Well, perhaps you can help me." "I'm looking for a guide." " A guide?" "Oh, senorita, you're the most fortunate of women." "I am perhaps the greatest guide in all Brazil." " You?" " Si, you said it." "There is no doubt that I will become a legend of the country." "I am such a good guide." " And modest, too." "No, but you see, I'm not interested in the usual tourist routine, I want to see the real Brazil." " Oh, then I am the only answer." "I will guide as you have never been guided before." "I will take you everywhere." "Up, down, across, sideways." "I know places that even I haven't seen." "And just to show you what a good guide I am," "I will guide you right to your taxi." "Now, what time do I begin my duties?" " Well" " Two o'clock?" "That's excellent." "That will give you time to change and refreshen your already lovely complexion." "If I am to guide you, you must look your best at all times." "I, Miguel, have the reputation." " You, Miguel, have a king sized crust." " Thank you." " Hotel Gloria." " Please, as your guide, allow me to translate." "Hotel Gloria." "I will be there approximately two o'clock sharp." " Mike?" "I can't trust you alone for one minute." "I leave you working at that piano, and the moment I'm out of sight, you're popping about like a tiddly wink." "Yes, free translation, I have just met an angel?" "Anjo." "Don't tell me, I know." "Who was it?" "What have you been up to?" "Not that I haven't had a little suspicion." " Everett, my good friend, did you see her?" "Did you see her?" " Of course I saw her." "My eyesight is excellent." "But I saw nothing to account for the idiotic expression on your face." "I saw just a girl, that's all." "Two legs, two eyes, two hands, just a face." "And the usual standard equipment." " Everett." "She's not usual." "She's something dropped from the clouds by mistake." "A wonderful fortunate mistake." "She's like a beautiful song." " Song?" "You should be ashamed to use that word." "The Carnival only two weeks away and you without a note on paper." " Oh, there's plenty of time." "Am I not the greatest composer in all Brazil?" "There I go." "My modesty always defeats me." "The greatest composer in all the world." "Oh." "Thank you." " Wonderful." "Mike, you're great, you really are." "I have the utmost confidence in you." "And that's the reason I go into a tizzy whenever I see you wasting your time pursuing stray females." " Oh, believe me, my friend." "I wasn't wasting my time." " Well, I'm glad of that." "Mike?" "That last remark had a very sinister ring." " Don't you worry, Everett." "Soon I will present you with the greatest song ever to win the grand prize at the Carnival." " Soon?" "Well, soon isn't soon enough." "You've got to stay right there at that piano until you get it." "I cannot afford to support a playboy." "Even if he is my oldest friend." " Has Mr. Graham suddenly run out of gold, then?" "He has no money in New York?" " Will you talk sense?" "Don't you remember that I had to wire him for an advance to keep us from starving?" "Wire him again." " Collect." " But I've already told him that the song was finished." "Don't you realize that he's coming here?" "That he'll be in this very room?" "That he'll be on this very spot?" "And if a song isn't waiting for him, I go to jail." " Then I shall visit you everyday, weather permitting." " Oh, Mike, please, please." "As a friend, will you get to work?" "Write another song." "A song like your Brazil." "Then I'll be happy, you'll be happy, and Graham will be happy." "Oh, I tell you that a prison pallor is definitely unbecoming to me." " I will write the song as soon as I finish my job as guide." " That's, that's, guide?" " Yes, didn't I tell you?" " No." " I offered my service to a beautiful Americana." "Oh, but that's nothing to worry." "I will write the song in my spare time." " As we say in the Portuguese." "Obrigado." " Where are you going?" " I'm going down to that jail and I'm gonna reserve a cell against the morning sun." " Where do we go from here?" " Well, we're taking a view from the Sugarloaf." "They say nobody can resist it." " Oh, I heard that one in the alps." "How far is it to Sugarloaf?" " Well, let me see." "About a mile and a half that way." "So, the height frightens you, no?" "Well, you can hold on to me if you wish." " Do you think that isn't something to be afraid of?" " Well, I just don't want you to miss the view." "See?" "Is it not an experience?" "Look." " Mm." "It's no use." "I wouldn't even attempt to describe it." " I knew you would like it." "Especially you." " Especially me?" " Yes." "There is much beauty inside of you, senorita." "Even more, perhaps, then you allow me to see." "Oh, over there is a Corcovado, the statue of Christ, the redeemer." "It is considered one of the most notable monuments in the world." "It was built by subscription of the entire Catholic population of the country." "I must take you there." "It's a thrilling site." "You ascend the mountain by rail." "Five years were spent in the building of it." "But it was, indeed, a labor of love, which return his blessing a hundred fold." "For, as you look up at it, against the sky, it is like a mighty benediction from the father and his son." " This is my idea of romance." "No guide, no guidebook, just you and I alone with two or 300 Brasileiros." " Rod, I wish you wouldn't use that word." "It always makes me look to see if my slip is showing." " So sorry." " No, seriously, Rod." "I've been here for days now, and all you've shown me is two tablecloths in the same nightclub." " Peace, child, I guide only for the nicer spots." "Besides, you walked out on the best part of the floor show the other night." " Oh, who cares about floor shows?" " But this time, it really is native stuff, Nicky." "It's a sort of a musical version of how they operate a Brazilian coffee plantation." " Oh, that's for me." "Education with a cover charge." " Cafe?" " And that is number one of Professor Walker's armchair tours, easy on the feet, and hard to beat." " Sorry, little playmate, but even with coffee beans, it's still a nightclub." "You'll have to do better than that." " Can do." "Now, just listen to this and tell me if I don't outclass that guide of yours." " I'm definitely not interested in your fan mail." " You will be of this billydo." "It's from the Micatos." "Very rich cattle people." "They have a big fazenda." "Ranch, to you foreigners, near Belorizonte in Minas Gerais." " Is that good or bad?" " Oh, that's good." "They throw weekend shindigs for 50 or 60 guests all the time." "Now, if you're properly respectful and appreciative, we can take a plane out of here tomorrow and loll in the countryside." " A weekend on the veranda, or whatever you call it." "Long endless prairies." "Verceros pushing leather." "Natives singing and dancing." "Real honest color." "Diplomat, it's a date." " Huh?" " Just a little something I picked up from my guide." " Oh." " Ola, Miguel, ola." "Hold on, Miguel." " I was looking all over for you." "Fortunately, they told me at your hotel" "I could find you here." " Yes, I left work." "Oh, Rod, this is Mike, my guide." " And a very popular guide, too, judging from the mild bedlam you created when you came in." " Oh, but that was not for me, senor." "It was for Senorita Henderson." "Yes, that's it." "Today, I was calling every casein in the city to tell him I was going to be honored to guide such famous author who so kindly visits our country now." "But I have no dreams they would give you such a reception like this." " Now I know how goldfish feel when they take a bath." " Gee, kid, it's swell being out with a celebrity." " Mike, I'm not going to be needing you for the next few days because Mr. Walker's going to take me to the Micato center for the weekend." " The Micato fazenda?" " You know them?" " Know the Micatos?" "I, a poor but honest guide, know such wealthy people?" "I associated with fazendeiros?" "I laugh." " I will keep you on the payroll, of course." "Will you have something to do while I'm away?" " Oh, yes, senorita." "I will do my laundry." "Well, there is no more need for me to stay, so, boa noite." " Goodnight, Mike." " Don't stare at me with your big, white teeth hanging out." "I know I have to work." "But how can I put my mind on it when my mind is with a lovely senorita?" " Well." "That's more like it." "It's good to see you at a piano for a change." "What's the matter, don't you feel well?" " Oh, I feel wonderful." "And why not?" "The piano is part of me." " Yes, well, if you don't get busy on that song, this part of you is going to be amputated." "By the finance company." "Oh, isn't that pretty?" "Isn't that pretty?" "Yeah." "Couldn't you work that into something?" " No, it isn't mine." "It belongs to the lovely lady I'm guiding." " Oh, that theme is her property, I see, she's a composer, well, well, well." "Maybe your infatuation will come to something." " My friend." "All I'm going to steal from that lovely senorita is her heart." "Besides, she is not a composer." "She writes travel books." "Haven't you ever heard of Nicky Henderson?" " Well, what a question to ask anybody." "Of course I've heard of her." "I just read her last book and, did you say Nicky Henderson?" " Yes, why?" " Oh, my dear boy, this is terrible." "Oh, this is dreadful." "Oh, this is calamitous, oh, you poor boy." "You poor boy." " Everett, what's got into you?" " Well, that's good, what's got into me?" "What's got into you?" "Mike, you are unwittingly sitting on a stick of dynamite." " What do you mean?" " I'll tell you." "I'll tell you what I mean." "I would probably be deported as an undesirable alien if the authorities ever found out that I had this book." "That's the reason I keep it locked up with those postcards" "I bought in Paris that" " Why Marry a Latin, huh?" "Is it bad?" " Bad, Mike?" "Why that is the worst thing that's come into Brazil since the coffee worm." "There." " So, that's what she thinks of us, huh?" " That's what she thinks." " Every time she's smiling, she's laughing under her sleeve." " Yes." "No, no, no, laughing up her back, I mean, down," "I mean behind." "Well, never mind, never mind, I'm confused myself." " However she is laughing, she is laughing." "I will fix her hash." "I will answer her why marry a Latin." " What are you going to do?" " I will make her fall in love with me." "I will make her crazy about me." "And then I will laugh at her." " Oh, well, now, Mike, I wouldn't do anything rash." "I think I'd just let well enough alone." "But I'm certainly glad this has happened because now your eyes are opened." "Now you ought to be able to concentrate on your music." "In a way, too, I feel that our troubles are over." " Mr. Everett?" " Si." " Telegram." " Oh, obrigado." "Hmm." "Mike." " What is it?" " It's my jail sentence." " Oh." "Hmm." "Have I not enough troubles already?" " My dear fellow, you've got to get out of town." "Instantly, if not sooner." "Graham mustn't find you here without a song." "Couldn't you visit somebody and write?" "In the meantime, you see, I could stall Graham off." "Oh, Mike, you've got to do it." "Three days vacation, it will be wonderful for you." "You'll get away from this female stab in the back." " Everett, only for you I will do this." " But you will do it?" " I will go." " Oh." " I will go out of town and work like a donkey." "I will go and visit my old friends in Mercados." " Splendid." "The Mercados, oh, they're lovely people, lovely people." "Oh, I feel sure you'll accomplish a great deal there." " Yes." "I think I will." " Are you enjoying yourselves?" " Thank you, Senor Mercado, we're having a wonderful time." " Splendid." " I'm glad." "Just do whatever you feel like." " Thank you." " Excuse me." " I feel like going back to Rio." "Verceros pushing leather." "Natives singing and dancing." "Real honest color." "I had to open my big mouth." " Well, you can't expect them to run a dude ranch just to give you a hot chapter, darling." " I've got to put something in this little book." "How about your telling me the story of your life in 10 dull episodes?" " I can do it in two." "I was born." "And then I met you." " And now you know the whole plot." "Why I am dressed this way." "I have but one more favor to ask." "I wish to speak no English and none must be spoken to me, during the entire weekend." "Can you do this?" " Of course, Miguel, anything you ask." "But why?" " Make it two favors." "The second is no questions." " When one's friend is a famous composer, one must expect a certain amount of insanity." "They say it is the mark of genius." "But do not abuse the privilege, Miguel." " Many thanks, my friend." "And now, (speaking Portuguese)." " You asked for vercaros pushing leather, lady, you've got it." " Hello, Miguel, how are you?" " It's Miguel Suarez, the composer." " That ain't the way I heard it." "Mike, I thought I gave you the weekend off." "You said you had some laundry to do." " I'm sorry, senorita, but Miguel speaks nothing but Portuguese." " Well, he spoke awfully good English in Rio." " Shall we have a drink my friends?" "Come, please." " What's he laughing at?" "Now what are you laughing at?" " You're right and you're wrong, pal." "He says he has a twin brother who's a guide in Rio." " What did he say about him?" " Well, in a word, he says he stinks." " Well, if they're brothers, how come they both have the same first name?" " Miss Henderson,." " He says his old man is a screwball, that he named all of his six children Mike, including two girls." " He says he envies his brother, in that you are very beautiful." " Oh, thank you, Se?" "or Suarez." "So, you won't talk, huh?" "Vamos, Miguel." "Vamos!" "Vamos!" "Where's the posse off to?" " They will ride over the entire fazenda, telling all the people who work and live here, there will be a churrasco." "They will ride all afternoon, and then when they return, well, you shall see." "Salt" " Are you looking for this?" " Ah." " I'd love some." "Ta bom?" "Mm." " Pardon us, we'll go to our table." " Marvelous." "Very good salad." "It's a wonderful number they're playing, senor." " Oh." " Mm hmm." "What did he say?" " He says, "Just wait until you hear the song" ""he's writing for the Carnival."" "Modest little character, eh?" "Sort of a one man hit parade." " He's not a character, Rod." "After all, there has to be one talented member of the family." "Look at that broken down brother he's got." " He wouldn't be knocking himself out if he knew what we were talking about." " All right, he said, "Do you like it?"" " It's wonderful." " Wonderful." " Well, what is this?" " Se?" "orita, (speaking Portuguese)" " What did he say?" " I don't get it, but he wants you to whistle again." " Whistle?" " I tell you, this is the most outrageous situation." "Outrageous." "Mike, it's, Mike." "It's incredible." "You deceiving me, your best friend, making love to that woman under my very nose." " No, sir." "There is not room enough there for the way I make love." " Don't be revolting." "You ought to be ashamed of yourself." "Didn't you swear that you'd get revenge for the way she made monkeys out of all you Latins in that book of hers, didn't you?" " Yes." " Yes, well, you've made a monkey of yourself." "Ticklish." " Yes." " Don't change the subject." " But I tell you, I have not." " A great, big, piano playing monkey." "That's what you are." " It is all according to plan." " What plan?" " Don't you remember?" "I swore that I would make her fall in love with me, no?" " I remember distinctly." " Then I would laugh at this foolish female, no?" " Laughing down your neck, your very words." " But then I would eventually sort to my country, no?" " No." " Yes." "Well, what I do." " Yes?" " I do for my country." " Oh, well, Mike, that's wonderful." " Oh, Mike, you're such a charming liar." "So, you see." "There is nothing to worry about." " Oh, no, no, nothing at all, nothing at all," "Mr. Graham is arriving, right here in this office today, but of course, that's a mere bagatelle." "Now, Mike, listen, this is what you've got to do." "You've got to get out of this town and you've got to stay out." " I am sorry, my friend." " This fellow Graham, he may be the most" " Nicky Henderson isn't real, so I amn't real." "And I will stay here until the insult is avenged." "As for Mr. Graham, I am willing to face the music." " Yes, if you'd written some music, there wouldn't be any to face." "Now, you're leaving, do you understand?" "You're leaving and you're not gonna come back until that song is finished." " If you want that song finished, Everett, you better not separate me from the girl." " Why?" " I show you why." "So, you see." "She already has unintentionally given me a beginning." " Oh, then that's her melody." " It will be the greatest of all my Carnival songs." " You mean you're gonna steal it?" " Yes." " Oh." " All is fair in love and music." " Yes, yes." " Do we not hate this girl, anyway?" " She is a menace." " Is it not poetic justice that she will inspire me to my greatest triumph?" " You have something there, Mike." "Definitely something." "Mike." " Yes?" " If you really feel that you have to have this book writing American girl around as an inspiration to finish your song," "I have the solution." "You leave at once to visit your Uncle Da Silva in Campinas." " I will not." " In Campinas." " I will not." "He's disgustingly rich, and money bores me to death." " Well, it's a beautiful way to die, isn't it?" "Besides, is there any reason why your uncle couldn't invite the senorita Henderson to come and visit the ranch, too?" "If she's gonna write a book on Brazil, how can she possibly do it until she's visited a coffee plantation?" "What's that mean?" " Hotsie, tots." "But continue, Everett." " With you in Campinas, and the girl in Campinas, then you'd have the inspiration to finish your song, as we say in the Portuguese, obrigado." "I meant formidavel." " Everett, for you, I will do it." " You mean you'll go?" " I will make arrangements instantly." " Mike." " Uncle Renaldo will be enchanted." "Oh, yes." " No bag, no shoes, and no shirts, there's nothing here." " Everett." "Uncle has the big heart like you." " I hope he doesn't have to keep swallowing it." "Like me." " I'm looking for Miguel Suarez, the name is Graham." " Oh, how do you do, Mr. Graham?" "How do you do?" "Welcome, welcome to Rio." "Yes, Mike has just gone back to, Graham?" " Oh, apparently you are the manager." "Well, where is he?" "Where's he gone back to?" " Who?" " Mike." " Oh, Mike." "He's gone back to back, back, back." " What in the?" " Keeps the flies out." " You have to lock them out?" " Oh, well, they're very big flies, you know, and very smart, and very fast." "They're horse flies." " All right, so I'm in a strange country, now where's Suarez and where's my song?" " Song?" " Song." " You take the back road, I'll take the front road, and you get to Campinas before me." "A little number he was working on before he went back." " Back to where?" " Back to where he's working on the song." " Now, wait a minute, I've had enough of this." "Now, where is Suarez?" "Either I get a hold of him, or I'm gonna complain to the American embassy, do you understand?" "I've taken all the stalling I intend to." " Well, really, mister" " Graham." " Don't tell me, Mr. Graham," "I see no point in popping a lot of blood vessels all over the place, Mike has simply gone down to his country place where he is completing the orchestration for the magnificent song that he's written for you." "Oh, I tell you, at the Carnival" " Never mind the Carnival, what about me?" "I've got a musical comedy waiting for a finale." "A hundred people standing by waiting for my go signal." " 100?" " A hundred." " My." "It must give you a magnificent sense of power." " Huh, what's that?" " Termites." " Termites?" " Oh, they're a problem down here, mister, mister." " Graham." " They are a problem and I've tried everything." "I've tried Paris green, arsenic, flit, even gin." " Gin?" " But they thrive on it." "Let me warn you, there is nothing more vicious in this part of the world than a drunken termite." "As a matter of fact, I think it would be a good idea if we got out of here before these walls probably fall down about our very ears." " Everett, what happens to you?" " Oh, termites, eh?" "Are you crazy?" " Well, my secret is out, you heard that, didn't you?" " I heard it." " You heard what he said." " I heard it." " Are you crazy?" " Well, are you?" " Well, obviously, he's the crazy one since the question came from him." "Psychologically, it, well, that's the reason I have to keep him under lock and key." " Him?" " Oh, my poor cousin Cedric." " Cedric?" " It is so hard for him to reconcile himself to the fact that he has two heads." " Two heads?" " Yes, sort of a deformity, you know." "But he manages to eek out a precarious existence." "He poses." " Poses?" " Yes, he poses for bookends." "But it must be quite clear to you, mister, mister" " Graham." " Mr. Graham, that this is no place to discuss business." "Why couldn't I call for you this evening at your hotel, and we could go over the entire situation?" "Besides, it's almost near feeding time now and I have to whip up two hamburgers." " Two?" " Two, yes." "One for one head, you see, with no mustard." "No mustard at all, absolutely clear." "But the other." "Everything." " Sure, sure." " You see, the other head takes after the mother's side of the family." "She ate all the hot dishes." "The enchiladas, the pastramis and everything." "She was a spicer, originally." " Spicer." " Margaretta, spicer." " Margaretta, spicer." "All right, all right, so we'll all nuts." "Who's suitcase is that?" " That one?" " That one." " Oh, I'm so glad you noticed that." "Well, as a matter of fact, mister, mister" " Graham." " It's mine." "You see, I've just come back from a trip, a very nice trip, very interesting trip, with Mike, down at his place in the country." "Yeah, it's a lovely place down there." "So restful." "The whole atmosphere is conducive, really, to the most inspiring thoughts." "In fact, I must insist that he allow me to bring my two headed cousin with me on my next trip." "Yes." "I wonder if you'd excuse me for just a moment," "I'd like to slip into something a little more comfortable." "My yellow suit, you know, yes." "I won't be a minute, no, I change clothes very quickly." "Did I say a minute?" "Not over 60 seconds, time me, will you?" "I may be able to break my own record." " A little snug, isn't it?" " Well, one should feel one's clothes really are one." "And now, Mr. Graham" " Graham." " Oh, don't tell me." "I know." "We can start for the hotel?" "And the" "Perd?" "o." " Hello, Mike." " Thinking of your long lost guide, senorita?" " Wait a minute." "Lift your chin just a little, Mike." "Turn around, right there." "Amazing." " Amazing?" "What is amazing?" "My profile?" "I could have it changed if it does not please you." " No, no, I mean how much you look like your brother." " Oh, have you met my brother?" "Which one?" " The composer." "I met him over the weekend." " Oh, my twin brother." "We don't really look alike." "If you see us together, you can see he's much uglier." " Oh, but he is not ugly." "As a matter of fact, I consider him quite handsome." "Oh, but you're right." "You don't look alike." "Tell me, Mike, is he married?" " Who knows?" "I don't." "He's undependable." "But there is no doubt that he has several wives and countless children." " Oh, it is odd though, isn't it?" "That he only speaks Portuguese while you speak such fluent English." " Oh, but naturally." "In my business, without English, I would be starving." "Which I do." "But tell me, why do you ask me so many questions about my brother?" "You like him, huh?" " Oh, I didn't say that." "Actually, I admire him professionally as one creative artist to another, but" " When he kissed you, did you keep it on a professional basis?" " How did you know he kissed me?" "That is, I mean." " I know my brother." " Hi." " Hi." " Hello, Mike." " Hello." " What's new, diplomat?" " I have a colossal idea for you." " For my book?" " Will you please stop treating me like a filing cabinet?" "This is personal stuff." "Garçon, (speaking Portuguese)" "Nicky, why don't you forget the opus for a while?" "Play, get some wind in your hair." "Go up to (foreign language spoken), rest, relax, and swim, I'll come up Friday night and" " I'm sorry, Rod, but I have to leave town this afternoon." " What for?" " Well, Senor Renaldo Da Silva's invited me to his coffee plantation." "I can stay as long as I want to." "That's something a hard working scrub neck can't afford to miss." " Oh, senorita's right." "She couldn't write about Brazil without knowing about coffee." "Coffee's the life blood of my country." " What's there to know about coffee?" "The berries grow on trees, the natives pick 'em, they put 'em out in the sun to dry, they stir 'em up with their feet, they're roasted, put in sacks, and shipped." "And what's the pay off?" "Someone behind a counter yaps, "Draw one."" " I'm sorry, Rod, but what I laughingly call my mind is made up." "I'm going to accept Senor De Silva's kind invitation." " Oh, senorita, you won't be sorry." "It's so beautiful down there." " So, working on your country estate, eh?" "My name is Edward Graham, where's my song?" " Song, senor?" " Song." "Have you lost a song?" " Have I lost a song." " What a pity." "How big was it?" "I help you to look." " Are you gonna sit there and tell me you're not Mike Suarez?" " Of course not." "Permit me to introduce myself." "I am Mike Suarez." " Mike, oh." " You mentioned a song." "Perhaps you're looking for Mike's brother Mike." "His twin brother, I mean." "He's the composer, and this man is my guide." " Oh, of course, it could be one of my other brothers also named Mike." " Twin brothers, two headed cousins." "You mind if I sit down, miss?" "Now, now, I must be calm." " This is Miss Henderson." " How do you do?" " And my name is Walker, with the American embassy." " Embassy." "You're just the man I want, Walker." "But let's start at the beginning." "I'm Edward Graham." "I'm looking for Suarez, the composer." "He owes me a song, on which I've advanced him a good deal of money." "You sure you're not your brother?" " No." " I mean" " I think this whole thing could be settled a lot quicker, Mike, if Mr. Graham could talk directly to your brother." "Do you know where he is, by any chance?" " Well, I know where he is." " Oh, you do?" " You do?" " Of course." "He's working at his uncle's coffee plantation at Campina's near Sao Paulo." "I'm going there myself, on the five o'clock plane." " Oh, you are, eh?" "Sao Paulo, huh?" "At least we're getting somewhere." "Look, miss, would it be possible for me to go with you to see him?" "It's most important." " Well, of course," "Mr. Graham, I haven't the right to invite you to" "Senor Da Silva's fazenda, but I'm sure Mike would want to do the right thing, wouldn't he, Mike?" " Yes, no." " So, I'll tell you what" "I can do." "You call me at the Hotel Gloria, and I'll give you his address, and you can telephone him." "I'm sure he'll understand." " Oh, thank you so much." "You don't know how much I appreciate this." "And now if you'll excuse me." "I've had a very trying day." " Garçon, I can't say I like this, Nicky." "Can't you postpone this trip of yours until I can get away from the embassy for a few days?" " Postpone it?" "Darling, my two weeks are almost up and I still have so much to learn." "Here you are, Mike." "This should take care of you until I get back." " Oh, senorita." "You don't know how much I pray that something will take care of me." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." " So long, Mike." "So long." " Mike, for heaven's sakes, stop talking and get busy." "They'll be here any minute now." " And now my uncle, one more thing." " Go ahead, go ahead." "I have lived a full life." "How many more years have I?" " Whenever we're with a guest, speak only" "Portuguese to me, no?" " This seems a logical part of the general illogicality." " You see, Senorita Henderson is in love with me, the composer." " And you?" " Well, between you and me, oh, I adore her." "And but between me and Everett, I'm only playing a part." "So he mustn't know." " They're coming." "Here comes the patrol, I mean the car." " Well, I must go, I must welcome them." " Mike, quick, at the piano." "And remember, you've been at this piano day and night." "You haven't left this piano to eat or sleep." "You've given everything you have to the song." " How is the song?" " Oh, it's beautiful, Mike, wait 'til you hear the melody." " Oh." " What song?" "You get busy and write it." "Obrigado." " This is an honor, Senorita Henderson." "Not often do we entertain such a famous guest." "And you, senor, welcome to my home." "All that I have is yours." " Well now, thank you very much." "And all that I have is yours." "But I didn't bring very much along." "Oh, is that him?" " Yes." "My so gifted nephew's been playing like that for days." "I understand you have business with him, but, really," "I hesitate to disturb him now." " That's quite all right, Senor Da Silva." "We understand." "As a matter of fact, I would like to go to my room and wash some of this good Brazilian soil off of me." " Your room is ready, senorita." "I hope you find it as lovely as yourself." " Mm, runs in the family, I see." "See you later, Mr. Graham." " Mm hmm." "I don't like to break the mood, but do you think I could have just a word with him now?" " Well, with my nephew, it is not a question of one word, but managing to get that one in." "However, if you feel strong enough." " Thank you." " Quiet." "Silence!" " I didn't say a thing." " Well, you were thinking in a loud tone." "How can a man work with all this racket going on?" " Oh, now, see here, Suarez, I've had enough of this." "I'm Graham, your publisher, and I demand to hear the song I bought." " Oh." "Mr. Graham." " Yes." "Yes." "Yeah, yeah, well, that's fine." "And many happy returns and all that." "Now, how about the number?" " OK." " What did he say?" " What did it sound like?" "That's what I thought, yes." "You know, I don't speak the language, myself." " You mean he doesn't speak English?" " Oh, yes, yes, he speaks, he speaks a few words." "Cuss words." "He picked them up from me, the time I caught my nose in the revolving door." "You see" " Oh." "Now wait a minute." "How do you two talk to each other?" " Morse code." " Morse, oh, cut it out." "Of all the stupid." "Here, self pronouncing dictionary." "Maybe we'll get some place in this Pan-American madhouse." " Temper, temper." " Oh, Senorita Henderson." " Hello." " Look, Miss Henderson, you've got a publisher, you know what our problems are." "In the name of the seven lively arts, will you please help me?" "Find someone to tell this man what's on my mind." " Well, we may have to clean it up a little first." "Wait a minute, how about his uncle?" " No, no, no, no." "Uncle, no, no." " What does he mean no, no, no, uncle?" " No, no understand the word uncle." "You see, in the Portuguese, it has the umlaut on the diphthong." " You're wasting your voice, my friend, and a lovely voice it is." "But no speak anything but English, remember?" "Fan yourself for a spell, neighbor, and we'll dig up the relative." " Uncle." "Noun, masculine." "T I O, tio." "Tio, tio, that's the." " Oh, Senor Da Silva." " Oh, Senorita Henderson." " It seems that my countryman, Mr. Graham, is having as much difficulty with your charming language as I've had, and he'd like to talk business with Mike, Senor Suarez, but all that comes out is a series of odd braying noises." "We wondered if you could possibly interpret for us." " Well, I." "I will be delighted, but I came to ask you if you would not like to see the coffee plantation, you see, I arrange for my nephew to show you about." " Oh, that would be wonderful." "You don't want to talk to that old horse trader, anyway, do you?" " I'm sure that my nephew will provide you with much material for your book." " Yes, he's been on the beam so far." "But I hope he remembers that it's a travel book." " This way, senorita." "It is obvious you have enjoyed yourself, senorita." " Oh, yes, I have, so much." "What did he say?" " He said, "Tonight"" " That's enough." "Even the way he said it's enough." " Carry your bag, mister?" " No, thanks, I can manage." "Oh." "Well." "What's new?" " Taking a powder on me, eh?" " Well, I should say not, I, no, no, no, that's the farthest thing from my thoughts." "This is my laundry." " Well, you better keep it with you, you,re gonna need it in jail." " Look here, Graham." "I don't know why you continue to threaten me." " Oh, you don't, eh?" "Well, I suppose putting the bite on me for $5,000 is your idea of good, clean fun." " I have never, as you so coarsely put it, bitten you for $5,000." "To begin with, I'm a strict vegetarian." " Oh." " And in the second place, you're getting value received for your money." " Oh, I am, am I?" "Well, where's the song?" "Why don't you come on and admit there is no song, there never has been a song." "If there is, why did you duck out on me this afternoon and why did you both duck me at dinner tonight?" " Oh, tonight, we had dinner in our room." "You see, Mike was working." " And I'm sick of being the sucker he's working." " Yes." " We're gonna have a showdown, right here and now." " I haven't time, the laundry closes." " Never mind the laundry, we've got some dirty linen we're gonna wash right here." " Oh, you do your own washing, how fortunate, it's so much easier on the colors." " Hello, Mr. Everett, have you seen Mike?" "He wasn't at dinner." "I hope nothing's happened to him." " Nothing has, yet." "You can see him the minute he gets out of the iron lung." "Right in this way." " The laundry" " In here." "Do you hear that?" "That must be my song." " It is?" "I mean, it is." "Don't tell me." "I told you you had nothing to worry about." "Oh, you ought to be ashamed of yourself." "I've half a mind to give you your filthy money back." " Oh, not a chance, when I make a deal, it's a deal." "What a deal." "'Brigado, bom dia" " You like it?" " Oh, it's lovely." " Lovely." " Marvelous." "Magnificent." "What a song." "You were right, Everett, there's..." " Oh, good morning, Miss Henderson, good morning." "Lovely morning, isn't it?" " Isn't it?" " Oh, an American breakfast, well, well, well." "'Brigado, ,brigado, 'brigado" "And a cup of coffee." "Well." "All is well in this best of all possible worlds." " Oh, Voltaire, on an empty stomach." "You must be happy." " I am, I'm very happy." "Mr. Graham is happy, Mike is happy, and you," "I trust, are also." " You said Mike was happy, that sort of takes care of me, too, doesn't it?" " Oh?" " Didn't he say anything to you last night?" "About us, I mean?" " Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't see much of Mike last night." "Mr. Graham and I celebrated the new song." "In a liquid sort of way." "'brigado" "Why, should he have said something?" " Well, I wouldn't exactly call Mike a stable citizen, but in my country, when a guy tells a gal he loves her, he usually tells his best friend, too." "What's the matter?" " Oh, nothing." "Nothing at all." "Don't do it, Miss Henderson." " Don't do what?" " Don't fall in love with Mike." "He'll just break your heart when you, when he, that is" " Yes?" " Oh, I know I shouldn't tell you this, but," "I feel a deep obligation to you, Miss Henderson." "After all, it was your melody that made Mike's song possible, and that should satisfy him." "I see no reason to continue this silly masquerade." " Masquerade?" " Yes." "Mike is his own twin brother." "He's not really in love with you at all, he's just putting on this whole act in order to get revenge for the nasty things that you said about Latins in your book." "And I really think you're a very nice girl." " Go on." "Let's have all the gory details." " Well." "In the third chapter." " We will be married immediately, at once." "We will have an elaborate wedding." "Which you will pay for, naturally." " Oh, naturally, naturally." "I have only congratulations for my nephew." "But what about that song for the Carnival?" "Is it good?" " Good?" "It's great." "How could it be otherwise?" "Nicky gave me the inspiration." "In return for which, I gave her my heart." " These Americanos make very bad bargains." " Oh, my uncle, you have no romance." "But then, you are old." "Your blood is thick." " And why not?" "I have a nephew who slowly bleeds me to death." " Come on, let's go back." "She must be up by now." "I want to tell her of the disgustingly magnificent wedding my rich uncle has planned for us." "And some gifts and maybe a beautiful home." "Who knows?" " Who knows better than I?" "Let's go." " Good morning, Everett." "It's not a wonderful morning to be alive?" " If one can depend on staying that way." " Have you seen Nicky?" " Mike, I've done something terrible." "I could bite out my own tongue." " Oh, this Mr. Everett, today is a day for happiness." "Today I'm all alone in the world with my Nicky." " You're a lot more alone than you think, Mike." "Nicky has gone." " Gone?" "Gone where?" " Back to Rio." " Rio?" " Yes, you see, I, I told her." " Come on, what are you trying to say?" " Well, it was your idea to make her fall in love with you, so that you could have the last laugh, wasn't it?" " You told her that?" " Well, it's the truth, isn't it?" "I felt sorry for the girl, I could see her falling in love with you, and I didn't have the heart to let her make a fool of herself." " Fool?" "You're the fool, you fool." "Don't you know that I love her?" "Don't you know that I asked her to marry me?" " Mike, no, you never told me that." " Oh, she's going to Rio, huh?" " She's gone." " We must leave at once." " There are no more planes." " We'll buy one." "I will find her, I will make her understand." "She must take me back." " Yeah, phone the airport, anyway, Mike." " Society note." "After spending a brief vacation behind a Brazilian eight ball, Nicky Henderson returns to her right mind for the winter." " Oh, cut it out, Nicky." "Don't ride yourself." "It could happen to anyone." " Oh, no, it couldn't." "It could only happen to a wise gal who knows all the answers, even before she hears the questions." "Well, I asked for it, and I got it." "The answer to why marry a Latin." " Maybe when the fire goes out of your eye, you can see the rising young diplomat's still dangling like a romantic hangnail." " Oh, you're sweet, Rod, but I just can't think straight right now, you understand that, don't you?" "All I want from this place is distance." "I'm gonna get the next plane out of here." " I'm afraid not, Nicky." "I used every angle shot I knew, but those priorities have got you grounded until next week." " Next week?" " Which gives me the break that I sorely need." "Carnival starts soon." "And they say that during the Carnival, the marriage rate climbs like a homesick angel." " Carnival." "Diplomat, all I'm looking for is a nice, Irish wake." " We'll see." " Rod, wasn't that" " Yep, our American cowboy star, Roy Rogers, here on a personal appearance tour." " Uh uh, North American cowboy." " Oh, yes." " For the 266th times, she doesn't answer." "I go to the hotel, they don't let me in." "The American embassy tells me nothing." "So I don't know." " Well, we've got to find the needle in the haystack." " But I don't want noodles in haystacks." " Needles, needles." " I don't want needles, either." "I want my Nicky, my Nicky." " Well, cheer up, Mike, we'll find her, she must be right out there." " Everett, let's look in here." "It's one of the best clubs in town." " Yes, pretty good outside, too." "'Brigado." "I could have sworn I had a hat." "Mike, do you know something?" " What?" " This may take all night." "Hey." "My hat." "Obrigado." "Mike, the least you could do is to put on a costume." " Costume, who cares about a costume?" " Listen, Mike, listen, do you hear that?" "That's your song, they're playing it everywhere." "I wouldn't be surprised if it were headed for the grand prize." " It's our song, Everett." "Mine and Nicky's, and she is the only prize I want." " Well, at least we know she's in a Bianna costume." "I got the information from that snippy clerk at the hotel, so it ought to be easy enough to find her." " Aren't you having any fun, darling?" " Well, it isn't your fault, Rod, if I'm not." "Do they have to play that silly tune?" "Don't they know any others?" " That's your tune, isn't it?" " No, it isn't." "It belongs to that great Brazilian composer." "Every cheap, hollow note of it." " It sounds like a melody for broken heart strings." "Oh, come on, let's try a nightclub." "What you need is a breath of nice, foul air." " Everett." "The parade is coming now." "I will take the other side of the street now, while I can still get up close." "I will meet you here in an hour." " In an hour, Mike." " All right." " Good luck." "I'll be waiting." " All right." " Nicky, Nicky!" "Bianna, that's it." "No, no, it's bound to be the wrong one the first time." "Well, Mike, there are 2,000 Bianna girls in this mob, but as far as I'm concerned, she is not one of them." " Oh, let's go." "She has to go back sometime to the hotel." " Mike." "Mike." "They've got everyone, including the police, looking for you." "They want you at the casino right away." " What for?" " What for?" "Doesn't this imbecile know his song has won the award?" " No." " Yes, come on, all Brazil is waiting for you." " Everett, look for her, will you please?" "You must find her, you must." " Come on." " Ladies and gentlemen, we are indeed honored by the presence of one of our popular neighbors." "It is my pleasure to introduce to you, the North American motion picture and radio star, king of the cowboys, Roy Rogers." "?" "Hands across the border" "?" "Hands that reach my heart" "?" "Are stirring, tender memories" "?" "And the touch of them will haunt me forever" "?" "Dream so much of them" "?" "I'm never at ease" "?" "I've held your hands across the borders" "?" "Since we've been apart" "?" "But now I want to see" "?" "Things through" "?" "Back where dreams are made to order" "?" "In our own rendezvous" "?" "Hands across the border" "?" "Calling me to you" "?" "Back where dreams are made to order" "?" "In our old rendezvous" "?" "Hands across the border" "?" "Calling me to you" " Oh, Mr. Graham, Everett must find her." " How do you do?" "Nicky." "Nicky." " It is now my great pleasure to bring to you the prize winning song of the Carnival, and its composer, Miguel Suarez." " Oh, Rod, have you seen Nicky?" " No, I lost her in the crowd." "I've been looking for her everywhere." " Oh." " Mike, they want you." "Go on, go ahead." " Ladies and gentlemen, it is only fitting that you hear the Carnival song sung by the man who wrote it." "I give you, Rio De Janeiro." "?" "If you have a soft spot for moonlight" "?" "And love music in the air" "?" "Where in the world have you found" "?" "Orchids on the ground" "?" "May I ask you where" "?" "But there" "?" "Down" "?" "Down in Rio De Janeiro" "?" "Rio De Janeiro" "?" "Nights were made to dream" "?" "There" "?" "Near the canopy of exquisite stars" "?" "Blows the magic of a million guitars" "?" "That reign supreme" "?" "Supreme" "?" "A kiss" "?" "Down in Rio De Janeiro" "?" "Has a flavor that is quite the skill, got certain thrill" "?" "That's new" "?" "So if you're allergic to love and romance" "?" "Give Rio a chance" "?" "You'll see what Rio does to you" "?" "Down" "?" "Down in Rio De Janeiro" "?" "Nights will make you dream" "?" "There" "?" "In the canopy of exquisite stars" "?" "Is the magic of a million guitars" "?" "Love reigns supreme" "?" "Supreme" "?" "But here" "?" "Down in Rio De Janeiro" " Hi, Rodney, you lost Nicky in the crowd, eh?" " I lost her, but not in the crowd." "I should have listened to my mother when she wanted me to take singing lessons." "?" "A certain thrill that's new" "?" "So if you're allergic to love and romance" "?" "Give in and give Rio a chance" "?" "You'll see what Rio does for you"