"Yo, yo, yo!" "You will never guess what's happening at work." "My favorite rapper, Miss T Amour..." "Mm-hmm!" "..." "She is coming in tomorrow." "And I'm in charge of the meeting!" "[ Laughs ]" "What, what?" "!" "I know." "It's perfect." "I used to rap when I was younger." "At first, it was only to study for math tests." "♪ Okay, let's get this Pythagorean Theorem right ♪" "♪ "A" squared plus "B" squared ♪" "♪ Equals "C" squared, that's tight ♪" "But eventually I got so good at rapping," "I even had a rap name..." "Li'l Big Kim." "If only I could take the spirit of Li'l Big Kim and combine her with Kimmie Boubier, Attorney at Law..." "That woman would be unstoppable because she would represent!" "Legally." "♪ Don't stop me now ♪" "♪ I'm having such a good time ♪ ♪ Good time ♪" "♪ I'm having a ball ♪ ♪ Super fun night ♪" "♪ Don't stop me now ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm havin' a good time ♪" "♪ I don't want to stop at all ♪" "♪ Super fun night ♪ ♪ Super fun wild night ♪" "So assuming Miss T's record sales continue to climb, we anticipate the rest of her catalogue to be in the tens of millions of dollars as per annex "C."" "As Miss T's manager, uh, I need to say that she is very distrustful of lawyers." "I am very distrustful of lawyers." "And the fact that she even agreed to this meeting" " is a miracle." " It's a damn miracle that I'm here." "This woman grew up with nothing, and now she has her own private jet." "I'm afraid to fly, so I just sit in it and chill." "She chills." "I hear you." "I'm afraid to run on my treadmill, so I just pack it in the closet and chill." "[ Snaps fingers ]" "You know?" "You feel that?" "But as I was saying, the track record of our firm speaks for itself." "Our legal services are second to none." " We're all professionals here." " Absolutely." "And I saw you on "Ellen" the other day." "What's she like?" "Okay, let's cut through the bull, okay?" "Miss T, I understand why you might not want to trust us." "But if you just give us a chance, we will prove to you that we will only put your best interests first." "We're not like your song "Super Bitch."" "♪ Can't trust no one, got my own back ♪" "♪ All you fake-ass lawyers are wika-wika-whack ♪" "No." "We are real-ass lawyers." "Yes, we are." "I like you, Kimmie." "Tell you what." "Why don't you come down tonight to my concert at Revenue?" "I'll hook you up, V.I.P." "Oh, my "G"!" "I've never been more than a "P."" "But, uh, then you'll sign the contract?" "Maybe." "[ Elevator bell dings ]" "Then again, maybe I won't." "I'm mercurial as hell." "She's mercurial as hell." "Uh, yeah!" "Super lawyer in the house!" " How did you pass the bar?" " Easily." "RICHARD:" "Boubier, if you close this deal, it'll be a major step up in your career." "People will finally know you for more than just your Yoda impression." "[ As Yoda ] Accurate, though it is." "KENDALL:" "Great." "Yeah." "That's just the kind of negotiating skills we need" " on a sensitive case like this." " Kendall, I can pull this off." "Unlike some people, I am extremely street." "I know all the signs." "Ffsst!" " Sorry, what was that last one?" " East Side Parakeets." "Ah." "Yeah." "We have a natural rivalry." "I'm with the Spider Boys." "[ Humming ]" " KENDALL:" "Amazing." " [ Imitates gunshot ]" "[ Sighs ]" "Is something wrong, Kendall?" "I just get a little tired of it, Richard." "You and Kimmie are like a summer-camp skit that never ends." "That's just how we have fun." "She's my fun friend." "Yeah?" "And how would you like it if I had a fun friend that I was doing inside jokes with all the time?" " I wouldn't mind at all." " Oh, I think you would." "But it's lucky for you I don't have any friends." "Except for Desdemona, my maid." " But..." "I'm sick of her." " Hem." " What are we playing?" " Ladies!" "Get up!" "We be clubbin', clubbin'." "Miss T invited us to her show tonight." "It's no bigs." "I'm..." "I'm keeping cool about it." "[ Chuckles ] Okay, it's bigs!" "[ Gasps ] This is bigger than bigs!" " This is massives!" " [ Chuckles ]" "But we can't just go and be vanilla eye candy." "Oh, but we're so good at that." "I have to get Miss T to sign this contract." "Nobody at the firm thinks I can do it." "But do you guys think I can do it?" " Absolutely." " Y-yeah..." " Yeah, you're great." " You can do that." "Hey." "Did you know that Hip-Hop is the combination of two slang terms?" ""Hip," used in African-American English as early as 1898, meaning "in the now,"" "and "Hop," for the hopping movement." "You're not gonna say that to anyone tonight, are you?" " It was a reach." " Yeah." "All right, so how much of this stuff do I use?" "Oh, my mom usually keeps going until the can clicks." "[ Rattles ] Okay." "[ Coughs ]" "[ Indistinct conversations ]" "Oh." "So sorry we're late." "Marika inhaled a whole bunch of hair spray, and she got really weird for a few moments." "[ Chuckles ] Funny story." "I actually thought these guys were trying to kill me." "[ Laughs ]" "KENDALL:" "So funny." "Isn't it nice to be doing something fun together?" "Oh, I remember you." "You're the worst one." "Kimmie, if you have any moves," " now is the time to bust them." " KIMMIE:" "Yeah." "This is it." "Whoo!" "The gladiator prepares to go into the arena." "If she succeeds..." "Eternal glory." "If she fails..." "Hours of cat videos and maple-syrup smoothies." "Kimmie, I don't want to put any extra pressure on you, but I don't believe in you, and I think you're gonna mess this up." "Kendall, I'm basically a rapper at heart... and a cat whisperer and a ghost hunter." "But I-I'm mainly a rapper." "It slightly concerns me that "lawyer" wasn't on that list." "But don't worry." "We'll just stick a pin in that." "Let us know the second you get that signature or the moment your failure is complete." "Okay, you guys." "Don't pick up too many strange men while I'm gone." "We won't!" "Hey!" "What's up?" "!" "V.I.P.!" "Oh." "[ Chuckles ]" "And I was all like," ""You want me to do a verse on your album?" "That's 100k."" "And I was dead-ass serious." "[ Laughs ] Yeah." "'Cause if you do a verse for less than 100k..." "Bitch, please!" "[ Laughs ]" "That's, like, the price of a couplet." "[ Snaps fingers ]" "What's up, Boo?" "Oh." "Nothing." " What's up with you?" " Nothing." "Just up here admiring you and reading my favorite book," ""100 Years of Solitude."" "Magical realism, girl." "You know what I'm saying?" "Maybe." "I just read "The Hunger Games."" "We should talk..." "Later." "Um, I just..." "Yeah." "Okay." "Miss T, I've actually brought you the executed contract to sign." "Kimmie, you're here to hang out, okay?" "Because if you can hang, then I know I can trust you, and we can work together." " Are you cool?" " Oh, I am cool." "Believe me." "I have a chronic circulation problem." "All right, then." "I just don't get a lot of blood flow to the extremities." "I really hope Kimmie can pull this off." "She does have charm." "And what she lacks in tact, she more than makes up for in unfounded confidence." "[ Italian accent ] Ciao, Bella!" "Marcello!" "[ Laughs ]" " Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!" " Mwah!" "You made it!" " [ Laughs ]" " Mwah, mwah, mwah." " Oh, hello." " Friendly chap." "Richard, this is my friend Marcello." "I invited him to come out tonight." "We met in a hot tub in Positano a few summers ago." "Si." "I sell wine." "I spend money." "I make love." "Marcello." "[ Italian accent ] I like pizza." "I like procedural crime dramas." "[ Normal voice ] I don't know why I'm speaking in an Italian accent." " Uh, Richard." " Si." "Hey, do you remember when we snuck onto that nude beach in Sardinia?" "Oh, I can still feel the sun kissing our perfect bodies." "[ Both laugh ]" "[ Laughter ]" "Oh!" "Marcello is so much fun." " Si, si." " Richard and I think it is so important to spend time with our fun friends." " Si, si." " Don't we, Richard?" "Well, I think "fun" is a very loaded term." "But, uh, yeah, you have fun." " Love this." " You're undressing him now." "That's good." "Very good." "Well, here we are..." "being cool." "Yeah." "Being in a hip-hop club is a lot more tiring than I thought it would be." "I should have brought that fold-up chair I use when I go trout fishing." "We got to get into the game." " Really?" " Yeah." "They're moving away." "Dance after them!" "[ Both laugh ]" "Oh, she make a big boom with her pelvis, yeah?" "Marcello, you're so clever." " Oh, no, please." " Is it clever?" "Maybe I'm missing something..." "like the cleverness." "We must have wine, huh?" "Big party time." "So crazy, huh?" "Okay." "[ Sighs ]" "Isn't this great?" "Watching me joke around with my fun friend?" "I hope you don't feel excluded." "I would so hate that." "Okay, Kendall." "You've made your point." "Boubier and I do tend to get carried away sometimes, and I'm sorry if we made you feel left out." "Well, I'm glad I proved my point, although the cure may be worse than the disease." " Hip-Hop make-a me horny!" " That accent's not real." "Unfortunately, it is." "But I hear what you're saying." "It's like some awful impression Boubier would do." "[ Laughter ]" "[ As Fat Albert ] Hey, hey, hey." "It's Fat Kimmie!" "♪ And I'm gonna sing a song for you ♪" "[ Laughter ]" "Girl, you the sexiest thing I ever seen in my life!" "There ain't no doubt!" "A-Antwan, we only just met." "You driving me crazy, Boo." "Real crazy." "Where you from, Kimmie?" "Upper Tonawanda in New York." "It's kind of like your hometown of Detroit, except instead of Motown, we have Moo Town..." "Museum of Livestock History." "Great cafeteria." "How'd you get into rap?" "[ Chuckles ] Well..." "I just kind of started freestyling when I was younger." "Called myself "Li'l Big Kim."" "I think that's why black guys really like me." "That ain't why." "That ain't why." "TF:" "Look what I got!" " Swag bag." " Swag bag!" "Oh!" "But, wait, look what I have..." "A contract that's ready to sign." "Who wants a hat?" "Oh, no." "[ Chuckles ]" "I don't really wear hats." "Kind of feels like my hair is in prison." "Cute as hell." "Mm-mm!" "Oh." "I know who want this." "[ Laughs ]" "My glass menagerie is complete!" "Almost." "So, there we are, looking sexy, and we were in Amalfi, and we stop for a gelato." "And I called her a funny name, right?" ""Pistachio."" "And I called her this because..." "I'm nuts." "You are nuts, Pistachio!" "[ Laughs ]" "Tonight, we stay up to the sun, huh?" "Well, actually, uh," "Pistachio and I have work in the morning so..." "[ Laughs ] I love this guy." "Come." "We boogie, huh?" "Uh, well, I don't really want to boogie but..." "No, come on." "Come on." "[ Ringing ]" "Kimmie, what the hell is going on up there?" "Did you get Miss T to sign?" "You're not getting sidetracked, are you?" "No, I am making progress." "I'm currently holding a chalice." "So you haven't done it yet." "Great." "I wish I could say I'm surprised." "We're coming up." "Clearly, you need to be rescued." " No, I can do this!" " Then do it!" "You have really bad phone etiquette." "Hurry." "I got rid of Marcello by teaching him to do this." "Quick!" "We don't have much time." "I wish it were that easy." "He's like a tapeworm." "Once he's attached himself, the only option is to find him a new host to latch on to." "Hey!" "My friends, huh?" "[ Laughs ]" "Thank you for teaching me that dance." "I love it." "Kimmie, give me some financial advice." "Should I diversify in stocks and bonds or buy a Wolf?" "Okay..." "There is definitely a right answer to that, and I will give it to you after you sign this contract." "Girl, we'll worry about that later." "We got a show in Philly tomorrow." "We'll get on the bus, order some cheesesteaks, and talk it over then." "Oh, cheesesteaks are my favorite bus food." "But, Miss T, you really need to sign this." "This can't wait." "Please, I'm just trying to help you." " Nah, you trying to help yourself." " Oh!" "Man, I thought you was different, but I knew you couldn't hang." "Oh, yes, I can." "Look, I am so good at hanging." "Nah, nah, nah." "You just another punk-ass lawyer." "You know what?" "You're done." " Get out." " No, Miss T, please." "[ Chuckling ] I don't..." "I don't need to leave." "Like, w-why do I need to..." "Listen, please, do not invade my personal space." "Or I am warning you..." "I will unleash a fist volcano." "[ Exhales sharply ]" "That's what I thought." "Okay." "[ Screaming ]" "Okay, guys, one day, it might be you trying to get into the V.I.P. room, and I'll be the security." "I have a brain like a pissed-off elephant." "And guess what..." "I will remember this moment." "Okay, fine." "You've made your choice." "[ Gasps ] Antwan!" "It's me..." "Your Boo..." "Boo-Boo..." "Boo?" "You know I ain't supposed to be talking to you, shorty." "Look, I know Miss T is super mad at me, and while it's kind of thrilling to be in my first real rap beef," "I really have to get back in there and fix this." "And you're the only one that can help me." "Boo, come on." "Don't do this to me." "I'm just an English major that realized I like punching people." "You're so complex, Antwan." "Who am I kidding?" "I'm a bodyguard, but nothing can guard my heart against this body!" "I'll help you, girl." "I got your back, sweetness." "Move." "After you, sweetness." "I forgive you." "Hi." "I'm an actuary." "Do any of you work in the risk-assessment industry?" "Got this scar from the business end of a pissed-off rattlesnake back in '04." "Best Easter ever." "No." "Marika, it's not working." "We're saying all these crazy, sexy, cool things, and they don't want to talk to us." "Maybe it's time to raise the white flag." "Even bear grylls couldn't teach me how to survive in this environment." "Let's go." " Hey, you two!" " Hey." "Are you guys leaving?" "You haven't met our friend Marcello!" "Marcello, we would like to introduce you to two of our coolest friends, Helen-Alice and Marika." "I'm Hel..." "Three names but only two ladies." "I love New York." "Mwah." "Mwah." " Ooh!" " Ooh!" "Ladies, tonight, we make memories forever, huh?" "I love memories!" "I'm a scrapbooker." " I call her "Little Scrappy."" " Ah." "She calls me "Big Scrappy,"" "but that's 'cause I real like scrap metal." " You'll catch up!" " I love it." "I love it." "Now back away slowly." "Don't be stingy with that hair spray." "You ain't got to pay it forward." "Go until it clicks." "I thought I kicked you out." "Antwan let me back in." "Damn it, Antwan." "You and your big-ass heart." "It wants what it wants." "Look, I'm so sorry, Miss T, but I just can't let this go." "You need a lawyer who will fight for you, even if that means I have to actually fight with you." "You got some guts, Kimmie Boubier." "Take a lot of damn nerve to come up in here and say something like that." "Well, I'm more than just a lawyer." "I-I really want you to know that." "I'm a gladiator... and a ghost hunter." "Although, that doesn't really apply here." "Wait..." " No." " [ Chuckles ]" "You don't give up, do you, Kimmie?" "That's what you and I really got in common." "Oh, well, that and the fact that we both believe in mermaids." "Girl, they are real." " And they mad about pollution." " Yeah!" "There ain't no scientific evidence to support that." " Shut up, Antwan!" " Shut up, Antwan!" "Give me that contract." "Good job, Kimmie." "This is a big contract for both of us." "I can't wait to tell the partners about it." "RICHARD:" "Who knows, Kendall?" "Maybe one day, you'll work for Kimmie. [ Gasps ]" "Yeah, Kendall." "[ Chuckles ]" "Go get me some coffee." "Kendall, make a copy." "Kendall, no, come back here." "Take this down." "Um, "Dear Kendall, you're fired."" "[ Chuckles ]" "Well, Kimmie, you are one in a million." "Good job." "Boom." "Ooh." "You're doing a thing there with the..." " Mm, ehh." " Ah." " I'm British." "Forget about it." " Okay." "Oh, goodbye, Antwan." "Thank you so much for all your help." "I want to give you something, Boo." "That's my favorite book." "And my favorite passage in that book..." ""He dug so deeply into her sentiments" ""that in search of interest he found love," ""because by trying to make her love him, he ended up falling in love with her."" "Thanks." "[ Chuckles ]" "[ Sighs ]" ""May the odds be ever in your favor."" "It's from "Hunger Games."" "I'll send you the DVD." "And I'll buy me a DVD player." "Hm." "♪ Everything I do is to the extreme ♪" "♪ Everything I do is to the extreme ♪" "♪ Real fly girls know what I mean ♪" "♪ Real fly girls know what I mean ♪" "♪ Everything I do is to the extreme ♪" "Hip-Hop make-a me horny!" "♪ Real fly girls know what I mean ♪" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "Whoo!" "All right, New York!" "[ Laughs ]" "Right here!" "I want to bring up a special guest." "Y'all show some love for Li'l Big Kim!" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "Whoo!" "Come on, girl." "You said you could rap." "Yeah, but, um..." "I-I can't do this." "I only rap math." "Of course you can." "Girl, just freestyle." "Upper Tonawanda style." "Let's get this right." "Fractions, fractions." "Uh..." "Yeah." "♪ All you twig bitches just a fraction of me ♪" "♪ I'm Li'l Big Kim, want the world to see ♪" "♪ That bigger is better, and I'm the proof ♪" "♪ Show me a skinny white girl who can raise this roof ♪" "♪ Used to be the girl who never gets the guy ♪" "♪ Nobody wanted a taste of my cherry pie ♪" "♪ But I got off my ass and made it an asset ♪" "♪ Now I'm living life large with no regret ♪" "♪ Don't give a damn what you think about my silhouette ♪" "♪ I'm sweet and soft like a fresh biscuit ♪" "♪ Shake it till I make it, I'm a lawyer by day ♪" "♪ But at night I'm a queen, yippie-yippie-ki-yay ♪" "♪ Word to your mama ♪" "[ Cheers and applause ]" "HELEN-ALICE:" "Mathematical speed, you see?" "That's why they call me "Top Gun"... because I work in a "risky business."" "See?" "They're both Tom Cruise movies and an actuarial pun." "Oh, no." "Look like the club is closing, huh?" "We go home now..." "Separate home." "Or let me throw this at you... 24-hour all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet café." "Let's keep this party rolling." "Whoo-whoo!" "Ladies, ladies, Marcello is so tired, huh?" " Perhaps a different time, huh?" " Come on, Marcello!" "I thought we were gonna make forever memories." "Si, si." "And Marcello has them now. [ Laughs ]" "Okay, so, good night." "Buona sera." "Ohh, I love this guy!" "[ Italian accent ] Come!" "We boogie!"