"(Buzzing)" "(Spiro) Is best if I tell you what you can buy." "You don't understand." "You're not in Bournemouth any mores." " Here, they are all thieves." "(Leslie) Then how do they makes a living?" " Come on." " (Spiro) No." "No, wait." "(Leslie) Come on, Margo." "(Larry) Come on, Ma." "I'll take those." " Oh." "Thank you, darling." " Just a minute." " Er, now." "I think we'd better... (Chatter)" "Come now, Spiro, not everyone can be a thief." "I mean, that old lady can't be a thief." "That old lady is my mothers." "Er, no." "No, no." "She is not my mothers like your mothers is your mothers." "But she is my mothers." "Oh, how nice." "Eggplants." " Look, Margo." " No." "Do not buys them." "I buys them for you." "(Whines)" "(Gerry) I have tried." "All last night." "Really I have, George." "Well, then." "Maybe we should go back to ordinary division." "Or another problem." " Something else?" " I suppose so." "(Scrabbling)" "What is that noise?" "I think it must be Achilles." "(George) Yes." "I think it must be." "He must be caught, I expect." "Look." "He's stuck." "Can you help lift it?" "I'm not used to lifting furniture." "And I might add that I've never worked for Carter Paterson and, therefore, have no understanding of the techniques of furniture shifting." "Well, somebody's got to do it or he'll die or something." "Yes." "Oh, all right." "(Struggling) Come on, then." "(George grunts)" "Thank you." " What did you say he was called?" " Achilles." "I got him from the Rosebeetle Man." "(♪ Folk tune)" "(Cock crows in distance)" "(George) Achilles." "So you know about the Greek hero Achilles, at least." "Well, that's a start then, isn't it?" "Let's forget about sums and look at ancient Greece." "(Engine rattles in distance)" " Oh, all right." "Off you go." " (Muffled voices)" "Take him with you." "You should haves a servant." "You shoulds not have to work like this." " You should haves the cooks." " Cooks?" " Yes, the cooks." "Plain cooks." " My very words." " You pay too much for this guitar." " I thought it was very reasonable." "Mrs Durrells, you asks him how much he pays for this guitar." " It is a beautiful guitar." " No, no, no, no, no." "Next time, you must promise me, Mrs Durrells, that nobody buys anythings." "They are all thieves." "I knows him with the guitars." "He's my brothers and he thiefs you." "I've, er, let Gerry go." "Yeah." "We saw him run off." "I can't seem to get through to him." " Hello, George." " Margo." " (Mrs Durrell) I'm sure you'll find a way." " A way?" "With Gerry." "Oh, yes." "Yes, I'm sure." "(Cicadas chirrup)" "He must be educates, Sir George." "He musts." "Like-a me." "But he's such a friendly little chap, Spiro." "It seems such a shame." "If you don'ts do it, I, Spiro Agiapoulos, will do it." "Readings, writings and arithmetic." "Have you been to a fiesta?" "(Buzzes)" "I know." "I know." "You're doing an aeroplane." "It's a very good aeroplane." "I'm honoured." "Thank you." "The tortoise is well." "No, no." "I bought a tortoise from you." "I've called it Achilles." "Remember?" "I would like a bird." "A pigeon." "A bird." "How much for a pigeon?" "(Clicks fingers)" "(Tweeting)" "I am sorry, but I have no money." "Would you be so kind as to call to the villa so I could pay you then?" "Thank you." "(Tweeting)" "Looks revolting." "It's only a baby." "I have to feed it." "It can't feed itself." "Oh." "What on earth is that?" "A pigeon." "My new pet." " What do you think I should call it?" " What?" "Yuck." "It's quite a good name but Quasimodo'd be better." "Yes." "That's very good." "Why?" " Well, it seems like a nice name." " Was he another Greek hero?" "Not quite." "Ask George when you're rambling through literature." "He'll know." "Don't tease, Larry." "Poor little pigeon." "Doesn't look a bit like nasty Lon Chaney." "Pigeons all look the same in a pie." "Huh." "Ha." "Ha." "Morning, Gerald." "The disciple awaits the master, agog with anticipation, I trust?" " What on earth is that?" " He's called Quasimodo." "A very interesting name." "Do you know how to spell it?" " No." " Well, that's a start for this morning then." " Ow." " (Gerry) It's only Achilles." "He wants a strawberry." "Give him a strawberry." " His paws are so sharp." " (Gerry) I don't think they're called paws." " What are they called, George?" " Oh, I don't know." "It's a reptile." " Claws?" " (Cock crows)" "(♪ Brass band march)" "(Gerry) If you go on watching him, he'll come back." "He likes people and strawberries." "(George) Does he?" "Quasimodo," "Q-U-A-S-l-M-O-D-O, was a hunchback." "And hopelessly in love." "Oh." "(♪ Gramophone music continues)" "Ah, yes." "Practise." "One must always, always practise." "Uh." "(♪ Gramophone:" "Viennese waltz)" "(♪ Hums along)" "(Margo screams)" "(George) Your sister's gone for a swim, chased away by a tortoise." "Well, let's try something else, shall we?" "If it takes three men a week to build a wall, how long will it... (Whispers) No." "Gerry, if it takes two caterpillars a week to eat eight leaves, how long will it take four caterpillars to eat the same number?" "I expect you'll want to draw your caterpillars first, won't you?" "(Sighs)" "Tomorrow, I'll bring a towel." "It's a sea cucumber." "(Dog barks)" "Have you seen Achilles?" "No." "No, I haven't." "Not for days." " How are you enjoying your lessons?" " Oh, all right." "History?" "What are you learning?" " Oh, everything." " Good." " Such as?" " Hannibal." " Oh, that's nice." " Elephants, you see." " Really?" " He crossed the Alps with them." "I must say, there were rather a lot in India." "I know all their names." "And they had a man specially to look after them." "Not only provender but also, and this was of vital importance for the Alps are very cold, to make sure their hot-water bottles were always filled up." " (Laughs)" " So, that's history, isn't it?" "Oh. (Speaks Greek)" "Oh, dear." "Something must be done about those poor beetles." "Achilles." "(Larry) Achilles." "(Margo) Achilles." "(Gerry) Achilles." " Achilles." " Master Gerrys." "Spiro, we're looking for Achilles." "Never minds that." "You tells me how many fingers I have." "How manys?" "Oh, Spiro, don't be so silly." "Is not silly." "Is not." "You must be educate." "Your mother will not be happy unless you ares." "Achilles." "(Larry) Achilles." "(Margo) Achilles." "(Sighs) OK." "Achilles!" "Perhaps he's gone back to his family." "India produces what, Gerald?" "Tigers and rice." "And Australia?" "Kangaroos... and sheep." "Quasimodo!" "(George) And the first thing Columbus said when he set foot on American soil was," ""Look, a jaguar."" "That was in 1492." "(Cicadas chirruping)" "(Flapping, squawking)" "Hello, you revolting creature." "Have you come for some music?" "Come here, come here, come here." "That's it." "That's it." "(Quasimodo gobbles)" "There." "(♪ Viennese waltz)" "(Gobbling)" "(Laughing)" "(Record ends)" "(Gobbling)" "He's incredible." "He really loves music." "Well, he's a musical pigeon." "He sits on my face in the night." "I don't think that's a good idea." " Cruel to pigeons, you mean?" " (Margo) You pig." " Might help her spots." " (Gerry laughs)" "Mother, be careful about what you buy next." "Those rose beetles are all over the house." "But darling, we couldn't let them stay tied to that man's hat." "(Gerry) Achilles, Achilles, where are you?" "Morning, Gerry." "I think that's how it sounded outside Troy." " Is he learning anything?" " I don't know." "I try my best." "But it gets very difficult to turn everything to animals." "It's the only way he'll listen, though." "Well, I'm going to the beach." "Good idea." "Start the day with a swim." "(Larry laughs)" "I'm not a teacher, Larry, I'm a writer." "So, the French and the British fleets were slowly drawing together for what was to be the decisive battle of the war." " Date?" " 1805." "Yes." "Well..." "Nelson was already on the deck, bird-watching." " What birds?" " What birds?" "What birds did Nelson see?" "You've beaten me." "(Gerry sighs)" "(Gasps, yelps) Oh, Gerald." "(Roger barks)" "Oh, dear." "Achilles?" "Do you mind if I try something, Gerry?" "Don't think it'd do any good." "Trouble is, you can't feel you're getting anywhere with such a thick shell." "Artificial respiration is supposed to move the body." "Poor Achilles." "Why don't we force strawberries down his throat?" " That won't do any good." " (Margo) Give him something to live for." "(Leslie) Show him what he's missing." " Where did you find him?" " Just there, by the well." "Where will he be buried?" "I think he'd like to lie under a strawberry plant, don't you?" "Awfully good for the strawberries." "Yes." "I think he'd like that." "When will the ceremony take place?" "(Larry) I'll write something." "Thank you, Larry." "Which of us..." "Achilles, proud Achilles, a friend to us all." "Which of us has not felt the tug of his friendship?" "Which of us has not wished he would stay in his tent when we're sunbathing?" "But now, he will no longer come from the sweet william to plague us." "Do we not miss him?" "Indeed we do." "Proud Achilles, our tortoise who loved people." "At least he's spared the indignity of becoming spectacles." "Rest in peace under the strawberries, Achilles." "Quasimodo has arisen." "Sir George, is no goods." " We got to talks." " I beg your pardon?" "(Sighs) This is most ghastly." "I don't like to say these things but it is for everybody's goods." " You say you spoke to George?" " Yes, yes." "He, he has no letters." " Oh, that's, that's very sad." " Mm." "A teacher must have letters." "What, not even a postcard?" "(Sewing machine rattles)" "A postcard?" "I think that's very sad." "(Quietly) Could you...?" "If you could hold it there." "Pull quite hard." "No." "No, er..." "After his names." "No letters." "Er..." "This and that he has been doctors of, or professors of." "Oh, yes." "Now I understand." "Yes." "Yes." "Licences." "(Spiro laughs)" "And, er, diploomas." "A teacher must have diploomas or he knows nothings." "(Gerry and companion chatting)" "I give up." "Well, it's all very well and good and I like being here and going down for a swim with Gerry and Margo and all that sort of thing." "But I have run out of ways to make him learn anything." " Has he beaten you?" " No." "He just needs a proper tutor." "A more patient man than I." "Yes, well, maybe you're right." "Sir George." " Larry." " Goodbye, George." "Oh, George." "Oh, yes." " Gerry." " (Buzzing)" "Gerald, I think you'd better fetch the Rosebeetle Man." "(Muted) The rose beetles are all over the house." "Please come." "Please." "I have no money." "I have no money." "Please."