"Okay, there you go." "That's it, now." "Now, give me sultry." "Not sulky, honey; sultry." "Sultry..." "Is it possible they don't know what sultry means?" " They're models." "They don't know what anything means." " Okay." "Sell the coat." "Now let the coat sell you." "No, no, no." "Fabio, is it?" " Todd." " Todd?" "Could you step out for a second?" "Get in there and show him how it's done, chief." "Okay, sure." "Thank you, thank you." "Here we go." "(chuckles)" "Yeah." "I'm Zach." "Uh, we went out a month ago." "And it was so wonderful." "SIMON:" "Okay, you ready?" "You're out for a night on the town." "You're feeling confident and sexy." "Okay, remember, you're not just selling clothing;" "you're selling an attitude." "Now, go." "That's it." "You're feeling good about yourselves." "Oh, here comes a bus!" "There it is!" "Good shock!" "Now give me tigers." "Now baby tigers." " What's happening?" " I just wanted to see what they would do." "Komiko, is it?" " Carly." " Carly, I want to see what happens if the dress is, like, billowing in the wind." "So Zach's gonna twirl you out, and then pull you back in and dip you." "Okay." "Should I get back in there?" "Shh." "No, no." "Just wait." "Watch, learn." "Okay, twirl her out." "Pull her back in..." "and dip." "Sweetie, just step out real quick." "Let me show you, all right?" " Okay." " Okay." "The trick is, look him in the eyes, seducing, at the same time, teasing." "Remember, you're the prey, and you're inviting the hunt, like..." "No, no, no." "And now you twirl me, you brute!" "Yes!" "And then spin me around." "And then we go out, and then back again!" "And then over the other side." "Yes." "I'm a feather... borne on the wind, lost in the clouds!" "Komiko, eyes on me." "One time, and now spin, spin, spin, spin!" "I want you to do it like that." "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh" "♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh" "♪ Oh, oh, oh" "♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh." " What floor?" " 22." "Hey, there he is." "Great work on that Neiman shoot yesterday." "Ah, it was a team effort." "Nice jacket." "Is that from the shoot?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, it's from the shoot." "Simon gave it to me." "Kind of a token of a job well done." "We did it, buddy." "The team." "But why did you get the jacket?" "Oh, hey, it's not a big deal, you know." "The point is he's the boss and he noticed us." "This jacket symbolizes our success." "If I get a jacket, it's like we both get a jacket." "But only you got a jacket." "Which fits you great." "I'm Zach, by the way." " Mikaela." " Hi." "MIKAELA:" "Hi." "Team." "This is so unfair." "You know what it is?" "It's your typical copywriter/ art guy dynamic." "You talk more in the meetings, so you get all the credit." "What is it now?" "ZACH:" "He thinks that Simon likes me better than him." "SIMON:" "Zach attack!" "Whoo-ooh!" "Whoo-ooh!" "Wah!" "Wah!" "Huh!" "Huh!" "Ooh!" "Huh!" "Huh!" "Ooh!" "(both mimic explosion, grunt)" "Hi, Simon." "Hey, Andrew." "Um, Dad?" "Hmm?" "A guy just delivered a box of ducklings to your office." "They're here." "It's for my pro bono project." "You mean we're not getting paid." "But I'm saying it in Latin so it has a certain gravitas." "What's going on?" "Remember Arrowhead Pond?" "It was an environmental disaster back in the '80s." "Terrible, awful, really." "Well, that pond has been restored, and I'm personally raising these ducks to be its very first residents." "Well, why are you raising the ducks?" "Because they can't take care of themselves, sweetheart." "No, I mean:" "Why you?" "Some people see me as I am and ask why." "Can I get a straight answer?" "No, but you can get a gay one..." "because ducks are fabulous!" "I say it like that because Gay Brad is out today." "I suppose he's out every day, really." "So you're telling me you're raising ducks in the office?" "Honey, the time for that disapproving tone is when I'm making these poor decisions." "(sighs)" "It's okay, Tesla." "They don't nest in trees." "Well, maybe he's an outlier." "They live in ponds." "Well, we don't have a pond." "He'll just have to make do." "Oh, and it seems like he did." "Did you look over my coffee campaign?" "It was brilliant, it was perfect." "But if you were gonna tweak it?" "I'd start again from scratch." "Here we go." "There's always room to aim higher." "There was once was a man named Michael, last name Angelo." "Michelangelo." "Yes." "And when he was sculpting his David, do you think he finished the torso and went," ""Hey, va bene, tutti finito"?" "Guessing not." "No, he slapped a penis on that Adonis, and the rest was history." "You know what I'm saying?" "I need a penis?" "That's my girl." "Sydney, there's magic in you." "I've known that since the moment you were born." "I looked down and said, "Oh, my God..."" ""She's missing a penis." But I still named you Sydney." "The campaign works." "Honey..." "The focus groups like it." "Pumpkin..." "Stop calling me food." "You're playing it safe." "And the best things in life come from not playing it safe." "It's a good campaign." "Listen, I'd love to argue with you, but I think it's a lost cause." "Besides, I've gotta go finish my Crest campaign and chop up some worms for my ducks." "Ciao, ragazza." "ZACH:" "And then our guy walks outside." "Mm-hmm." "It's a bright sunny day, the pretty girl passes by, and he flashes her that winning Crest smile." "Suddenly, the sun glinting off his teeth like a laser pointer blinds her and everyone else in the vicinity as our hero mutters an apology and crosses off!" "Andrew." ""Crest, sunglasses not included."" "Oh, I love it." "Oh, great work, Zach." "You know, Simon, a lot of that was actually Andrew's idea." "Let's not do this." "I'm confused." "Didn't I say you guys did a great job?" "Well, technically, you just said Zach did a great job." "I did, didn't I?" "Also, I think Andrew's a little upset because I got a jacket and he didn't, even though I explained to him how me sleeping with the girl who liked the jacket is gonna be a victory for both of us." "I'm still not seeing that." "But seriously, Simon, it's fine." "No, no, it's not fine." "I mean, I know what goes into a pitch." "I know you both worked on this." "Maybe it's just 'cause he talks more in the meetings." "Yeah, that's what I was saying." "Maybe I like you more on a subconscious level." "Getting more hurtful." "I should know better." "A boss can't be doing this." "He can't play favorites." "I'm gonna make an effort to be a little more fair." "You know, spread the love around." "Zach, give Andrew the jacket." "Huh?" "Words without actions are meaningless." "Okay." "I think Stalin said that." "Well, if he didn't, he should have." "There you go." "Let go." "Andrew, come on, come on." "There you go." "Try that puppy on there." "Wow, it's my-my very first leather jacket, actually." "And how does that feel?" "It feels, uh... it feels pretty great." "You know what?" "It looks better on Zach." "It's me." "It's me." "Give it back, yeah." "I just can't unsee Zach in that jacket." "Come on." "Good try, bud." "It's okay." "We'll find something that will..." "We're gonna crack this thing." "We'll figure it out, bud." "And with this targeted bus-and-billboard campaign, we project increased growth in public awareness for Windy City over the next five years." "What do you think?" "Well, it's certainly along the lines of what we hope to do, you know, sales-wise." "I guess we were hoping for something a little more... (whispers):" "Penis... exciting." "We want to edge up our brand a little bit." "Well, what's exciting is reliable sales growth." "You know, what's edgy is, uh, increased market share." "Lauren, what do you..." "what do you think?" "Oh, I'm just the assistant, but I would definitely sleep with a Windy City Coffee drinker based on the strength of this bus-and-billboard campaign." "Well, I mean, it does have its merits." "Yeah." "What about a spectacular?" "They don't want a spectacular." "Oh, you're right." "It's too big, it's too exciting." "Not your thing." "Hey, we want big." "Yeah." "What's a spectacular?" "Sydney?" "It's a media event designed to get attention." "Like when Red Bull parachuted that guy from outer space." "Yes!" "Let's do that!" "Exactly that." "Yeah!" "They already did that." "That's how we know about it." "Lauren, what do you think?" "I'd give it up to spectacular guy way quicker than billboard guy." "That's enough, Lauren." "And Sydney's spectacular will be even better than Red Bull's." "It'll be stunning, stupendous, extraordinary." "You're literally just saying adjectives." "We're in." "We haven't even pitched you a specific." "It could be anything!" "We love that." "Anything, anybody, she can do it." "We love her!" "Welcome to my world!" "Yeah!" "Let's do it!" "She's gonna figure it out!" "Yeah!" "Spectacular!" "Game on!" "Yeah!" "Abbondanza." "What was that?" "!" "Now I have to come up with the biggest idea ever?" "Not ever, just in the history of American advertising." "I don't do big." "I do steady." "I do dependable." "I'm not you." "Honey, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." "Sorry." "I'm not supposed to call you food." "I'm just happy you moved on from the penis metaphor." "Yeah, I think I beat that one to death." "Sorry." "Did that rub you the wrong way?" "Blah...!" "It's not that hard, really." "It's a stiff challenge, but I know you're up to it." "You guys bring out the worst in me." "It's amazing." "Feel terrible about this Andrew thing." "I want to do something special for him." "You know, something that says," ""I see you every day, but now I actually see you."" "You slap that sentiment on a mug," "I think you got one happy Andrew." "Maybe I could take him to a Bulls game." "You know, the Heat are in town this week." " Yeah, you could do that." " What?" "I just thought the Bulls games were kind of our thing." "True." "I hated it when I said it." "God, this is hard." "Why did you have to look so much better in that jacket?" "(sighs) Sorry, boss." "It's these damn swimmer's shoulders." "Yeah." "Hey, maybe I can let Andrew take point with me on this duck-raising thing." "I was looking for backup." "I was hoping you would do it, but, you know..." "What exactly would that entail?" "There's cage cleaning, bottle feeding and this thing called "venting"" "where you use a tiny brush to clean the duck's anus." "They need help." "They don't have sphincters." "And their mom's not around to lick them, so..." "You know what?" "What?" "Let Andrew take this one." "You're a good friend." "Well, I spent half the night with the team banging our heads against the wall." "And then I finally sent everybody home, and then I banged my head some more, and then" "I finally cracked it." "The spectacular?" "Yes." "And it's amazing." "Why is she upset?" "'Cause I was right." "You could do better." "Fine, all right, there's genius within me." "I get it." "There's no limit to the heights" "I can achieve in this industry." "You win." "I'm sorry I had to be the one to break it to you." "Well, what is it?" "It's simple, but it's big." "(sighs) Wow." "Oh..." "All you need is a giant bottle of scotch and you have my breakfast during college." "Okay, it's an optical illusion." "See, there's a pipe that runs from the cup all the way up to the carafe that's hidden by the falling coffee." "Mm-hmm." "And wait for it." "This is the best part." "It's three stories tall." "(gasps) Wow, Syd, that's fantastic." "Nice rendering." "Andrew did it." "Andrew, eh?" "That's a job well done." "It's about to be noticed and rewarded." "That's it." "The important thing to remember when cleaning a duck's anus is to go against the feathers." "That's it..." "against the feathers." "Oh, okay." "Okay." "Other way." "That's it." "That's it." "You having fun, buddy?" "Oh, yeah." "This is terrific." "ZACH:" "Hey, you guys want to grab some lunch?" "Uh, I don't know how hungry I am." "Hey, you missed a spot right there." "Look, uh, Simon, I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but..." "What?" "What is it?" "Uh, I so appreciate you trying to do something nice for me." "The thing is, this specific thing..." "Uh-huh?" "I-I don't totally get it." " Listen." " Yeah?" "I know that on the face of it it doesn't seem that glamorous, but this whole pond cleanup thing..." "Mm-hmm." "Isn't just a tax write-off." "It's the pond where my dad used to take me fishing." "And I hope one day to take my grandkid fishing there... if Sydney could ever sustain a relationship." "So this is really important to you." "It's the most important assignment I could give anyone." " Huh." " Huh." "I don't think I'll be going to lunch today, either." "Andrew and I have some important matters to attend to." "You may want to use your pinky, 'cause you can't get all the gunk out with just a toothbrush." "♪ Imagine me and you" "♪ And you and me" "♪ No matter how they tossed the dice ♪" "♪ it had to be" "♪ The only one for me is you" "♪ And you for me" "♪ So happy together" "♪ I can't see me" "♪ Loving nobody but you" "♪ For all my life" "♪ When you're with me (chuckles)" "♪ Baby, the skies will be blue" "(laughing) ♪ For all my life" "♪ When you're with me" "♪ Baby, the skies will be blue" "♪ For all my life..." "With a push of this ceremonial button," "Daley Plaza will transform into Windy City Coffee Plaza!" "No deal was actually made with the city." "Daley Plaza remains the official name." "Sydney..." "Enjoy free coffee, Chicago!" "(remote beeps)" "(crowd cheering) Yeah!" "Here you go." " Scone?" " Thank you." "It's truly spectacular." "You did it, Sydney." "Thanks, Lauren." "Nobody thought you could." "What?" "I push you hard, honey, because I know how great you can be." "And now everybody knows it, too." "I'm so proud of you, sweetie." "That's my daughter's penis up there." "(duck peeping) Did you bring a duck with you?" "What?" "No." "(duck peeping)" "Scotty gets separation anxiety." "Shh." "Papa's here." "Papa's here." "It's a little windy today, huh?" "Is it starting to rain?" "It's not supposed to." "Honey, how are you containing the liquid?" "Some sort of wind-guard, or...?" "Wh..." "Uh-oh." "What?" "You feel that?" "Hey." "It's raining coffee!" "Everybody, get out of the way!" "(people screaming)" "(crowd screaming)" "SYDNEY:" "Don't forget to grab a free scone while you're fleeing!" "Is that hazelnut?" "Because it's delicious, really." "They are calling it the dry cleaning bills to end all dry cleaning bills." "Local chain Windy City Coffee attempted what a spokesperson referred to as a "spectacular."" "But when things went awry, what went down will be remembered for a long time as a spectacular failure." "Oh, that's clever how they used the word against you." "I destroyed an entire city block." "I'm like a supervillain." "Oh, come on, nobody could have anticipated this." "That was an unusual amount of wind." "Thank you." "Although it is literally called" "Windy City Coffee." "And this is the Windy City." "Ooh, someone's getting a little peckish." "I should get back." "Feeding time." "Hey, you know what?" "I can feed them." "What?" "ZACH:" "Yeah, yeah." "I mean, I should help with the ducks, too." "Team." "Yeah, yeah, but the ducks, that's kind of my gig." "It's true." "He's proven himself to be the man for the job." "Also, the ducks have imprinted on him." "They now believe he's their mother." "Hey, may I speak with you for a moment?" " Yeah." " Come on." "So, uh... what was that back there?" "What?" "The ducks are my thing with Simon, and now... you're jealous." "(laughing):" "I am not jealous." " Oh?" " I don't get jealous." "Oh, no, I-I truly believe that." "I-I do." "I believe that that is an emotion you are not fully capable of understanding." "That's how good your life is." "But see, today..." "I'm the one that's buddying around with Simon, so..." "How... how does that make you feel?" "I don't really like it." "You-you kind of wish the roles were reversed?" "A little bit, yeah." "You got, like, an emptiness in your stomach, a pit that you can't quite name?" "Maybe." "That, my friend, is jealousy." "(duck peeping)" "Can I hold the duck for a little bit?" "I'm sorry, no." "Sweetie, you tried." "That's the important thing." "Yep, I tried and I failed." "I told you I'm not you." "Your problem is, you don't see me for my imperfections." "Please, not the Yoda birthmark again." "But it looks just like him." "I'm saying that my big ideas don't always work." "I've had some spectacular failures of my own." "You know that pond I've been helping to recover from the environmental disaster?" "Well, that disaster was all my fault." "What are you talking about?" "It was back in the '80s." "A large crowd had gathered for what was being called the spectacular to end all spectaculars." "And the sponsor was America's favorite saliva-powered candy:" "Pop Rocks." "I poured tons and tons of that stuff into that pond." "I was hoping for maybe a little fizzing, you know, a little crackling." "No." "It was a pink eruption." "It was like a Pop Rock Pompeii." "It was my PopRockalypse Now." "I remember seeing little kids covered in pink, crying." "(sighs)" "And the noise, just... (makes burbling, crackling noise)" "It was like the devil's flatulence." "Sales blew up." "But so did a lot of the fish." "My point is, baby, I know failure." "Thanks, Dad." "You're welcome, kitten." "(iPad chimes) LAUREN:" "Uh-oh." "Another e-mail from the Windy City people." "They are not happy." "It's okay." "We're gonna figure this out." "Yes, we are!" "I believe in you!" "Check it out!" "We're on TV." "Christie Moon, channel four news." "We were hoping to get a few words from the perpetrator, if you have a moment." "Uh, sorry..." "Yo, everybody, I'm famous!" "What, what!" "MOON:" "Oh, this just in:" "new footage of people fleeing." "It's raining coffee!" "Everybody out of the way!" "(people screaming)" "It was like something out of a horror movie." "(cheery music plays)" "SIMON (over video):" "It was a beautiful day in sunny Chicago." "Until..." "It's raining coffee!" "SIMON:" "The attack of the killer coffee!" "(screaming)" "That's actually quite tasty." "Whoa!" "Run for your lives!" "(screaming)" "SIMON:" "Windy City Coffee." "Dangerously good." "That's what I'm talking about." "Edgy, edgy." "We also have a red-band version we'd like to leak online with your permission." "There's a particular girl whose shirt gets just the right amount of soaked." "Um... is it possible..." "We'll e-mail you the link." "Awesome." "(ducks peeping)" "Everyone's here." "We can start whenever you want." "There's a lot of diabetic frogs who've been waiting 20 years for this." "Hey, Simon, are we sure that it's a good idea to release these ducks into nature?" "I mean, what if they're city ducks?" "Sorry, Andrew, but it's time." "I'm gonna miss you, little guy." "I'm gonna miss you, too." "Said the duck." "Ah." "SIMON:" "Ladies and gentlemen, you're all here today because you've been part of the effort to bring life back to this beautiful body of water." "Others were quick to walk away, declaring it just another candy-related catastrophe like the gobstopping of the Chicago River in '82, or the Nerd melt of '81." "But today is proof of what happens if you dare to dream big and work small." "There were days I didn't know if we'd succeed." "But if I've learned one thing in this life, there's no shame in failing." "The only shame is in not giving things your best shot." "Thank you for that smattering." "And now, to quote Jacques Cousteau... (French accent):" "...it is time to restore things back to their natural order." "To get back to the way things were." "Andrew, release the quackens!" "ANDREW:" "I'm gonna miss you guys." "But I'm gonna come and visit you every Sunday." "Scott, I'm gonna bring you your favorite bread." "Sharon, you're gonna meet someone." "You're so beautiful." "David..." "Andrew, it's time to go." "(whispering):" "I'll talk to you Sunday, David." "(ducks peeping)" "Go." "Swim away." "Be free." "I release you." "On your way, now." "What are you guys doing?" "Come on, get out of here." "Scram." "Do you realize how hard you're making this for me?" "Yeah, they're not moving." "Guess we'll have to keep them after all." "There is another possibility." "ANDREW:" "Come on!" "Come on, duckies." "Over here." "Good, Taylor." "That's it!" "Yeah, keep going!" "(ducks peeping)" "Poor guy." "It's a little chilly out." "Are you cold, buddy?" "Oh, no, I'm good." "I got the jacket." "Yeah, you do." "How long do you think he has to stay in there?" "Just a couple of hours, till they get acclimated." "There you go!" "Little further." "Good work, Andrew!" "You proud of me?" "Yeah, buddy, you did great!" "They love you!" "Thanks, Da..." "Simon." "Go." "Swim away!" "You are free now!" "MAN:" "Oh, that's not right." "Sorry." "(laughter) There they go." "Four out of five dentists agree it was the worst environmental disaster of the '80s." "It was like a Candyland Chernobyl." "They found Nemo." "He was all over." "The bubbling, the bubbling, the bubbling, the bubbling..." "It was like a fart from hell." "(high-pitched voice):" "You can do it, Dorothy." "A girl with a good pair of shoes can go a long way." "Woof, woof!" "(laughing):" "Stop it." "We put every metaphor we could in everything we tried." "(gargles)" "How long can we make this riff go?" "Till the end of time." "(screaming)"