"(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)" "MAN: (SINGING) Tell me, Doctor, where are we going this time?" "Is this the '50s" "Or 1999?" "All I wanted to do" "Was play my guitar and sing" "So take me away I don't mind" "But you better promise me I'll be back in time" "Gotta get back in time" "I'll be back in time" "Gotta get back in time" "COMPUTER:" "You're on, Dr. Brown." "Greetings, friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers." "Emmett L. Brown here at Hill Valley Beach and Synchronized Swimming Center, searching for metallic valuables in the silicon sediment." "In other words, I'm looking for money in the sand." "Eighty five cents I've found so far today." "By my calculations, it's only cost me $200 in equipment to find that 85 cents." "(MACHINE BEEPS) (DOC GASPS)" "Great Scott!" "According to my customized value read-out, this must be a gold wristwatch." "Oops!" "Oh..." "I..." "I'm sorry." "(MUFFLED YELLING)" "I'm sorry, sir." "I didn't see your kids cover you up with sand." "This reminds me of another incident involving buried valuables." "It all began last summer when Biff Tannen decided it was time he had a swimming pool in his back yard." "(DOOR CREAKS)" "Come on, kid, step on it." "Why do we gotta work on Saturday morning?" "Garfield's on." "The people next door are puttin' in a swimming' pool." "And if anybody's gonna have a swimming' pool, it's gonna be me, Biff Tannen." "Start digging, son." "Yes, sir." "(GROANING)" "Junior!" "What's this?" "Well, what do ya know." "(FARTING)" "Oh, man..." "What a blast!" "(LAUGHS) There's nothin' like a good joke." "Certainly not from you, young man." "Marty, I don't think this is the right crowd for a whoopee cushion." "Hey, if any crowd could use a little whoopee, this is it." "(CHUCKLES)" "MARTY:" "Besides, who can resist gags from the Hill Valley Humor Hut?" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Ow!" "(MARTY LAUGHS)" "MARTY:" "Another classic." "The old "spider in the ice cube."" "Mr. McFly, your pranks are making me pretty hot under the collar." "Uh, gee..." "I..." "I thought that lemonade would cool you off." "(LAUGHS)" "Whoa, chill out, Grandpa Parker." "Hey, uh, you want to fool somebody with my disappearing ink pen or blackout chewing gum?" "(POLICE SIRENS BLARING)" "Why, it's Sheriff Taylor." "Greetings, chumps." "Why would your grandparents invite Biff Tannen?" "He's a jerk with a bad sense of humor." "Ha!" "Look who's talkin'." "Tannen, get off my land." "You mean, my land, don't you, old timer." "Well, it seems that, uh..." "What..." "What the Sheriff is trying to say is that this deed, dated 1875 proclaims my great, great grand-uncle, Thaddeus Tannen, as sole owner of this property." "Wow, he must be old." "(CHUCKLES)" "And, in an act of community goodwill," "I am turning' this ranch into a toxic waste dump and miniature golf course, on account of my kid, Biff Jr., likes miniature golf." "I hate miniature golf." "Sorry, Pete, but my hands are tied." "Oh, but there must be something we can do?" "Yeah, start packin'." "Okay, Buzz, level the house first." "Marty, you've got to help!" "Marty?" "I can't believe it." "There's nothing worse than a chicken." "(SQUAWKS)" "(SCOFFS)" "Hurry up, will ya?" "I'm starved!" "JULES:" "Patience, brother." "The precise amount of pancake batter into my Robo-griddle and the jacks are ready to flap." "No stinkin' fair..." "Einie got an extra one." "Hey, guys!" "I gotta borrow the DeLorean." "Jen's in trouble." "No can do." "Mom and Pop took it to see some stupid play." "Hamlet, with the original cast." "However, the locomotive is available." "Then let's hit it!" "And bring the syrup!" "MARTY:" "Next stop, 1875." "(HAMMERING)" "Whoa..." "Check out the déja vu!" "That must be Jennifer's great-great grandmother, Genevieve." "Whoa." "I..." "I've gotta warn her about Thaddeus Tannen." "Howdy, handsome!" "Handsome?" "Get real." "Get glasses." "Uh, howdy to you, too." "Uh..." "Uh..." "Little lady." "WENDELL:" "Hey, folks, no dilly-dallyin'." "This here's a barn-raisin', not a coffee klatch." "Hepzibah, you show these boys to the chicken coop and give 'em some paint." "Cool!" "We get to decorate Easter eggs!" "HEPZIBAH:" "I'll see you later, snookums." "Well, stranger," "I see you met our neighbor, Hepzibah." "She's a fine catch." "Uh, sure, but how would she look stuffed and hangin' over my fireplace?" "(LAUGHS)" "That's a good one." "(COUGHING)" "I liked it better when they didn't laugh at my jokes." "Okay, boys, let's hoist this last wall into place." "Hepzibah, look out!" "(SCREAMS)" "I'll... (WEAKLY) Save you." "MARTY:" "Whoa..." "(SCREAMS)" "Oh..." "Whoa..." "Where am I?" "You're at my place, snookums." "Now, don't you fret, Hepzibah's gonna take real good care of you from now on." "(LAUGHS)" "Great, but what happened to the two squirts I was with?" "Those young-ins signed on as ranch hands at the Parker place." "Uh..." "Uh..." "Listen, thanks for everything." "You can send me the bill." "I'm hungrier than a termite in the Sahara desert." "Speakin' of which, looks like we gotta spray for bugs again." "Nice to meet you, too." "Thaddeus Tannen..." "Give me that!" "It's mine." "Thaddeus Tannen?" "This here's my own personal hero." "He saved my life." "What?" "This puny little varmint don't look strong enough to save stamps." "He's twice the man you are, big brother." "Maybe not twice the man... (SQUEAKING) But certainly a lot taller!" "Seein' as how you've taken a fancy to the runt, he can join my extensive gang." "(CRASHING)" "You be nice to him, Thaddie." "I'm infatuated with this one." "I'd call it more of a crush!" "This here is Ox, the, uh, other member of my extensive gang." "Hey, big guy, you're sort of a gang all by yourself." "Sir, it is a great pleasure to meet you." "I'm sure my dentist would agree." "THADDEUS:" "Now, the first rule of bein' a good outlaw is always fight dirty." "(GIGGLING)" "Gee, and she's quite a little housekeeper, too." "MARTY:" "Hey, boss, I think somebody wants to ask you a question." "What makes you say that?" "MARTY:" "They all have their hands up." "You see, Mr. Tannen?" "I told you he was smart." "TANNEN:" "Easier than takin' candy from a baby." "Uh, yeah, but not as sticky." "Uh, hey, that reminds me." "Anybody want some gum?" "Hey..." "There's somethin' funny with this here gum." "JULES: "Wanted Dead or unalive, Thaddeus 'Blacktooth' Tannen," ""known train robber."" "Also wanted," ""Ox 'Blacklips' McPhips, known stagecoach robber."" "VERNE:" "Look! "Sort of wanted," ""Marty 'Blackeye' McFly, known practical joker."" "Oh, man, Marty's gone and joined Tannen's gang." "Don't be so gullible, Verne." "He's obviously gone undercover to prevent Tannen's theft of Mr. Parker's deed." "Awesome!" "Looks like a mighty rough bunch of outlaws, Gen." "Don't fret, Wen." "Our money's safe, long as it's in the bank." "(ALL COUGHING)" "Ox, you and the runt pack up the safe and meet me back at the hideout." "What is it that you are doing?" "Uh, well, if we empty it first, it won't be so heavy." "I can only wish to be some day as smart as you." "(THUDDING)" "THADDEUS:" "Oh, beans, beans, beans..." "I'm sick and tired of eatin' nothin' but beans." "Tomorrow night, I'm fixin' somethin' else." "Please, sir, some more?" "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you." "How long do I have to wait 'til this jerk goes after that deed for the ranch?" "What was that you said?" "Uh..." "I..." "I have a..." "A need for the ranch..." "Uh, dressing, for my salad." "Allow me, snookums." "Is that not romantic?" "Hepzibah, I think it's about time you and the greenhorn got hitched." "Yee-haw!" "Yeah, whoopee." "Gonna be right nice havin' the pitter-pat of little feet around this old place." "Isn't a bit soon to be talkin' about kids?" "(SCOFFING) Hey, who said anything about kids?" "Talkin' about you, you little runt." "Tomorrow we'll kidnap a preacher man." "Let's not be hasty." "I believe in long engagements." "Like forever." "(ROOSTER CROWS)" "Hey, well, where's the extensive gang goin'?" "We're ridin' out to get you and Hep a little wedding' present." "Something tasteful, but free." "Uh..." "Gee, that's sweet." "I'll go with ya." "No way, snookums." "(CHUCKLES)" "I fixed us a special engagement picnic." "Nothing with beans, I hope." "Ride nice, now!" "You lovebirds have fun." "Don't do anythin' I wouldn't do." "(LAUGHS)" "What, like brush our teeth?" "You're so cute." "Couldn't we just hold hands for a change?" "What's the matter, honey?" "Ain't ya hungry?" "Try my pork, bacon, and ham sandwich, dipped in hog fat." "Uh..." "Sorry, but I don't eat red meat." "Or in this case, green." "(CRYING)" "You don't like my cookin'." "Maybe we should just cancel the whole wedding'." "You mean it?" "Nah." "Besides, Thaddie's already done swindled us a honeymoon cottage by now." "A honeymoon cottage?" "Not..." "Not the Parker place?" "Yep." "Ain't he thoughtful?" "Oh, yeah, what a guy." "Hey, uh, snookums, I almost forgot." "I haven't bought you an engagement ring." "Uh, be right back." "Aw, you don't have to buy me a ring." "Steal one!" "I hope I'm not too late." "Whoa!" "Hey, I wasn't talkin' to you, you stupid horse!" "Hi, there, Thaddie." "Uh..." "Now you have spoiled our lovely surprise." "Uh, what's going on?" "Why, Mr. Parker's about to sign over the deed to his ranch." "(STRUGGLING) Unless he wants wifey here to become an unscheduled stop on the 3:15 to Cheyenne." "It's my little way of sayin' "best wishes."" "Aw, gee, thanks, but you could have just sent us a card." "THADDEUS:" "You telling me you don't want this present, which I am swindlin' for you with my own lily-white hands?" "Uh, no, no, it's not that." "It's great." "But it's too..." "Generous." "I mean, it's the thought that counts." "That's right." "And Mr. Parker's got about three minutes to think about what that train's liable to do to his little lady." "That reminds me." "I am going to put a penny on the tracks." "Aren't you gonna do something, Marty?" "Don't look at me." "I don't have any change." "Me, neither." "But I do have an idea." "Come, Verne." "What became of the small fry?" "(STRUGGLING) (TRAIN APPROACHING)" "THADDEUS: (EXCLAIMS) Mr. Parker, she's ahead of schedule!" "Well, Mr. Parker, are you ready to see reason?" "Mmm-hmm." "THADDEUS:" "Well, that's more like it." "Got a pen?" "Uh, here, use mine." "Let's make it all legal-like." "Oops..." "Forgot to dot my "I"." "Ow!" "Hey, there's no "I" in Thaddeus Tannen." "There is now." "Okay, boys, we got what we came for." "Let's hit the trail." "(TRAIN WHISTLING)" "But aren't you gonna let my wife go?" "Nah." "But I tell you what." "You can keep all that rope, it's a free gift from me to you." "Mount up, bro-in-law-to-be." "But..." "But you can't just leave a woman tied to the railroad tracks with a train comin'." "(LAUGHS) Wrong!" "Are you comin' or not?" "Not!" "I'm disappointed in that boy." "Breakin' my sister's heart." "OX:" "Perhaps this is a good time to reveal that I love your sister, as well." "Why, Ox, you old dog." "Welcome to the family!" "(TRAIN APPROACHING)" "(GRUNTING) Who tied these, a Boy Scout?" "I'm sorry, Jennifer!" "Hey, did we fool ya?" "Oh, man, am I glad to see you guys!" "Ah, that would be the authentic Cheyenne Express, right on schedule." "Hey, how'd you do that?" "Ah, that's the same knot I use on my high-tops." "How can I ever thank you boys for savin' Gen's life?" "Don't mention it, Mr. Parker." "It's just too bad we couldn't have stopped that ten-gallon grease ball from stealing' our ranch." "I wouldn't worry about that, if I were you." "Tannen won't get the ranch." "I don't understand." "You will." "Hey, Marty, move it!" "All aboard!" "(CRATE THUDDING)" "Hep!" "Hepzibah!" "The last crate's all packed." "(HORSES APPROACHING)" "Must be the moving' men." "SHERIFF:" "This is the Sheriff, Tannen." "Consider yourself surrounded." "Hepzibah!" "Why would you turn in your own brother?" "'Cause you let my little lover man get away, that's why!" "Plus, my new lover man Ox and me are gonna go on the straight and narrow." "We're opening' an ice cream parlor in town." "(GIGGLES)" "Come on out, Tannen." "Just a minute." "I ain't decent." "That little traitor just straight-and-narrowed her way out of the Parker Ranch." "I thought you said you wasn't dressed." "No." "I just said I wasn't decent." "MARTY:" "Oh, I hope I'm not too late." "(TRACTOR RUMBLING)" "Time out!" "Hey McFly, get off my land!" "Yours?" "I don't think so." "Oh, yeah?" "Read it and cry." "(CHUCKLES)" "Bight back at ya, ya big goon." "Well..." "Hey, what the..." "How'd you do that, you little sneak?" "Looks like I'll have to serve you a citation for disturbing the peace." "And you owe me $500." "This is comin' out of your allowance, kid!" "Oh, Marty, isn't it great?" "Whoa!" "You said it!" "But what a rip-off," "I paid good money for that disappearing ink pen, and it took almost 100 years to work." "Is it just me, or do other kids who have access to time machines have as many wacky adventures as Marty, Jules and Verne?" "What's this?" "Hello!" "An antique fountain pen." "It's either empty, or filled with invisible ink." "Uh..." "Oh, yep..." "Invisible ink." "Which happens to be something you can easily make at home." "While I wash out my eye, access video encyclopedia, section "I", for invisible ink." "AUTOMATED VOICE:" "Section "I"." "Entry, invisible ink." "DOC:" "Let's check our materials." "We'll need a lemon, a knife, a cotton swab, a small bowl, and piece of ordinary paper." "If you're a little young to be using a knife, ask an adult to cut the lemon in half." "Next, squeeze as much lemon juice as you can into the bowl." "Then simply dip the cotton swab into the juice, and write in big letters on the paper." "When it dries, it's invisible." "Perfect for sending secret messages." "To fool the enemy, you can use a regular pen or pencil and leave a phony message on the other side of the paper." "This appears to be an everyday shopping list, but let's use a little scientific know-how, and make that hidden message visible." "Ask an adult to use a household non-steam iron." "Press the paper with the iron." "Look there!" "Your secret message is coming through!" ""But how does this work?" you might ask." "Lemon juice is an acid." "That's why it makes you pucker." "The acid breaks down the connections of the fiber in the paper." "When the acid dries, it's easy to pass light through the paper where the fibers have been weakened." "Voila!" "You are now ready for the world of espionage with your very own secret formula for invisible ink!" "And if you have any invisible ink left over, you can use it to make lemonade." "Ah!" "(METAL DETECTOR BEEPS)" "Eureka!" "I finally found the keys to my DeLorean!" "I lost 'em here over a week ago, and now I can finally drive home." "I guess I won't need that 85 cents for bus fare." "Remember, always to keep a spare key handy, and I'll see you in the future." "Toodle-oo."