"NOTIDTHE STRANGENESS IN THE AIR," "TENSION AROUND EVERY CORNER," "THE COLD CHILL IN YOUR VERY BONES?" "AS IT DOES EVERY SEMESTER," "SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES " "MIDTERMS." "[ TECHNO MUSIC CONTINUES ]" "Joel: [ SIGHS ] GUYS, I'M JUST NOT READY YET." "IF I HAD A COUPLE MORE DAYS TO STUDY, I'D BE " "HEY, LIGHTEN UP, JOEL." "IT'S ONLY HALF YOUR GRADE." "HE'S RIGHT, MAN." "I MEAN, EVEN IF YOU FAIL, YOU CAN STILL GET A "C" IN THE FINAL" "AND END UP WITH A "D" IN THE CLASS." "I MEAN, THAT'S PRETTY GREAT." "OR YOU COULD STUDY REALLY HARD, GET AN "A,"" "AND THEN YOU COULD FLUNK THE FINAL AND STILL GET A "C."" "WOW." "I GOT SO MANY APPEALING CHOICES," "I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE TO CHOOSE." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "YOU KNOW, YOU CAN ALWAYS BORROW MY TUTOR." "YOU GOT A TUTOR?" "OF COURSE." "I'M A STAR ATHLETE." "HOW DO I GET HIS LIFE?" "YOU KNOW, I'LL TAKE ANYBODY'S LIFE," "AS LONG AS THEY CAN PASS ORGANIC CHEMISTRY." ""LOOK AT ME." "I'M JOEL HARRINGTON." ""I'M SO STRESSED," "I CAN'T GET OUT OF THIS IMAGINARY BOX!"" "UH, IS THAT YOUR IDEA OF AN IMAGINARY JOKE?" "NO, NO, MAN." "IT'S JUST MY WAY OF SETTING YOU UP FOR THIS." "OKAY." "ELI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "HELPING YOU RELAX." "GUYS, A LITTLE FOUNTAIN ACTION MAYBE?" "OH, YEAH." "[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]" "NO, GUYS, PUT ME DOWN." "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE." "I'M NOT KIDDING, GUYS!" "OHH!" "WHAT?" "GOOD LUCK ON MY MIDTERM, MR. HARRINGTON." "[ CLICKING ]" "[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]" "ALL RIGHT." "IT'S TOO QUIET IN HERE." "I'M GONNA TURN SOME MUSIC ON." "NO." "I CAN'T CONCENTRATE WHEN THE MUSIC'S ON." "COULD YOU ALSO STOP DOING THAT THING WITH YOUR NAILS?" "WHAT THING?" "THAT FLICKING THING." "OH, YEAH." "NO, I DON'T FLICK." "I, UH " " I CLICK, LIKE THIS." "[ NAILS CLICKING ] OKAY, WHATEVER." "CAN WE PLEASE STOP FLICKING AND CLICKING?" "SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO FOCUS" "ON THE ARCHITECTURE OF THE MIDDLE AGES." "YEAH, WELL, SOMETHING IN THIS ROOM" "SMELLETH LIKE THE MIDDLE AGES." "SERIOUSLY, WHIS THAT?" "OH, YEAH." "I THINK THAT'S ME." "YEAH." "STANKOWSKI GAVE ME" "THIS BALM FOR MY SHOULDER." "I HURT IT PITCHING." "CHECK IT OUT." "OH, GOD." "IT SMELLS LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER'S FAVORITE CHAIR!" "OHH, THAT REEKS, MAN!" "WHAT IS THAT MADE OUT OF," "DECOMPOSING BODY?" "WHY IS THAT MAKING ME HUNGRY?" "JUST GO BACK TO YOUR FLICKING OR WHATEVER." "PUT THAT AWAY, MAN." "SORRY." "GEEZ." "HEY, GUYS." "HEY, CHRISTIE." "WHAT'S GOING ON?" "[ GROANS ] MIDTERM HELL, RIGHT?" "I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD BE SO HARD." "I KNOW." "SOMEHOW, THOUGH, YOU DON'T LOOK NEARLY AS STRESSED AS I AM." "HOW ABOUT NOW?" "[ SOBS, LAUGHS ]" "[ LAUGHS ] VERY UNIMPRESSIVE." "ZACK'S GOT A STRESS RASH ON HIS BACK" "THAT LOOKS LIKE ADAM ANT." "YEAH, DID YOU WANT TO SEE THAT OR " "I'M OKAY." "Joel:" "PLEASE DON'T." "THANKS, THOUGH." "WE'LL TAKE A RAIN CHECK, HUH?" "SO, I, UH -- I LOST SOME OF MY NOTES" "FOR PROFESSOR HAINES' CLASS," "AND I WAS HOPING MAYBE I COULD BORROW YOURS?" "YEAH." "NO PROBLEM." "THANK YOU SO MUCH." "I KIND OF STOPPED STUDYING" "AFTER WE PUSHED HIM INTO THE FOUNTAIN." "WHAT?" "YEAH." "IT'S ALL PART OF MY MASTER PLAN" "TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM BEFORE THANKSGIVING." "[ LAUGHS ] WELL, AT LEAST YOU HAVE A PLAN." "YEAH." "THANKS FOR THESE." "I'LL SEE YOU LATER?" "YEAH." "BYE, GUYS." "I-I HOPE THAT RASH THING CLEARS UP." "OKAY." "BYE." "YOU KNOW, IT " " IT'S NOT REALLY ADAM ANT ANYMORE." "IT'S TURNING INTO MEAT LOAF." "THE FOOD OR THE SINGER?" "WELL, IT'S LUMPY LIKE THE FOOD," "BUT IT'S GROWING LIKE THE SINGER." "PROFESSOR HAINES." "YEAH, I-I GOT YOUR MESSAGE" "ABOUT THE MISHAP WITH THE NAKED KEG RACE." "AND, UH, YOU KNOW, IN OUR DEFENSE," "BUTTER KNIFE'S SCROTUM -- IT JUST DEVIATED A BIT OFF " "LISTEN, I REALLY " "I DON'T CARE ANYMORE ABOUT HIS DAMAGED TESTES." "WELL, IT'S -- IT'S NOT SO MUCH DAMAGED" "AS TWO HAVE NOW BECOME ONE." "YEAH, WELL, THANKS TO THIS, ONE IS ABOUT TO BECOME TWO." ""FINAL DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE."" "OH, WOW." "HOW DID I GET HERE?" "I THOUGHT THAT LEAH AND I" "WOULD BE TOGETHER FOREVER." "MY LITTLE BITTERSWEET CHOCOLATE PRINCESS." "PROFESSOR HAINES, YOU KNOW," "I'M SURE THE KINGDOM HAS PLENTY OTHER PRINCESSES" "OR DAMSELS..." "MAYBE A WENCH WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM." "WHEN I SIGN THESE PAPERS, IT'S DONE." "AND MY LAST MEMORY WILL BE A THREE-MINUTE ARGUMENT" "THAT ENDED WITH THE ELOQUENT EXCHANGE OF "UP YOURS."" ""NO, UP YOURS."" "WELL, IT'S KIND OF CUTE THAT YOU TWO WERE OF ONE MIND." "THANKS FOR TRYING TO CHEER ME UP, MR. RENO," "BUT THERE IS NOTHING IN YOUR ARSENAL OF WITTICISMS" "THAT'S GONNA HELP ME TODAY." "I MEAN, REALLY, SHE WAS A WONDERFUL WOMAN." "SURE, SHE MADE SOME MISTAKES " "SLEEPING WITH THE U.P.S. GUY..." "AND HER ATTORNEY..." "AH." "...AND THE DOG GROOMER." "MM." "ALWAYS SAD WHEN PETS ARE INVOLVED." "NO, WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY PETS." "I MEAN, I'M NOT BLAMELESS IN ALL OF THIS." "I HAVE A TEMPER." "I CAN OBSESS OVER WORK." "I CAN BE A GLASS-HALF-EMPTY KIND OF GUY." "REALLY?" "I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT SIDE OF YOU." "OH, IT'S THERE." "I JUST WISH WE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY" "TO SEE EACH OTHER ONE LAST TIME," "YOU KNOW, GET SOME CLOSURE." "BUT IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN." "IT'S OVER." "IT'S JUST OVER." "OKAY." "UH, WHY DON'T I JUST REMOVE ALL THE SHARP OBJECTS" "FROM THE ROOM" "AND, UH, LEAVE YOU TO YOUR THOUGHTS?" "ENJOY YOUR..." "NAPPY TIME." "[ Crying ] COME, DARK SLEEP." "COMFORT ME." "[ INSECTS CHIRPING ]" "THIS IS RIDICULOUS." "WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ROME" "OTHER THAN IT WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY?" "WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE READY." "GOOD LUCK TOMORROW." "IS THAT IT?" "YOU'RE DONE STUDYING?" "BASEBALL ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCT]Y AT THE RISK OF PERPETUATING A STEREOTYPE," "I'VE BEEN PREPARED FOR DAYS." "ALL I'M MISSING NOW IS A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP." "WHY COULDN'T I BE ASIAN?" "[ SIGHS ]" "HOW CAN YOU GO TO BED AT 8:00 AT NIGHT?" "WATCH." "Young woman:" "COME ON, SOX!" "OKAY." "HERE WE GO. [ CLAPS ]" "[ SIGHS ]" "[ BAT CRACKS ] YEAH!" "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" "!" "THAT'S OKAY." "THAT'S OKAY." "I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS." "TO FURTHER ANOTHER STEREOTYPE," "IF THERE'S ONE THING US JEWS ARE GOOD AT," "IT'S EMBARRASSING OUR NEIGHBORS INTO BEING QUIET." "HERE WE GO!" "ALL RIGHT!" "GOOD NIGHT." "[ SIGHS ]" "Young man:" "YEAH, YEAH!" "Young woman:" "LET'S GO, BOSOX!" "YEAH!" "Young man:" "WHOO!" "[ '80s MUSIC PLAYS ]" "[ Mellow voice ] THAT'S RIGHT, MY SEXY HAYES UNIVERSITY LADIES." "WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK" "WITH THE CARPENTERS' "TOP OF THE WORLD" " "EXACTLY HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW." "[ BUTTON CLICKS ]" "[ Normal voice ] I HATE THIS DAMN GIG!" "WHY?" "YOU'RE A DEEJAY." "THATREALLY COOL." "PLUS, IT'S GONNA LOOK GREAT" "ON YOUR GRAD-SCHOOL APPLICATIONS." "SEE?" "RIGHT THERE, SONGBIRD." "THAT'S WHY GOD MADE CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA." "IS THAT A COMMENT ON RACE RELATIONS?" "NO, NOT AT ALL." "IT'S A COMMENT ON ICE CREAM." "BUT WE CAN GET DEEP IF YOU'RE FEELING FRISKY." "MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME." "[ SIGHS ]" "MY ENGLISH LIT MIDTERM IS ABOUT AS DEEP" "AS I WANT TO GET RIGHT NOW." "THANK YOU, BY THE WAY, FOR HELPING ME STUDY." "HEY, MAN, NO PROBLEM." "I DON'T SEE WHY YOU'RE STRUGGLING SO MUCH." "THAT CLASS WAS LIKE A PIECE OF CAKE FOR ME." "IT'S THE " " THE POETRY" "AND INTERPRETING IT." "LIBERAL ARTS?" "[ GROANS ]" "LIKE ROBERT FROST'S "THE ROAD NOT TAKEN"..." "ESCAPES ME." "I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THIS MAN IS TALKING ABOUT." "IT'S SIMPLE." "WHAT RO-FRO IS SAYING IS," "A MAN COMES TO A FORK IN THE ROAD," "AND HE PICKS A WAY TO GO," "BUT HE CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THE WAY HE DIDN'T GO," "LIKE RIGHT NOW." "I'M REGRETTING THE HELL" "OUT OF THE ROID TOOK." "[ BUTTON CLICKS ]" "[ Mellow voice ] THAT'S RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," "WE'RE BACK, AS PROMISED," "WITH YOUR FAVORITE BROTHER AND SISTER, THE CARPENTERS." "AND UNLIKE THE THOMPSON TWINS, THEY REALLY ARE RELATED." "[ '80s MUSIC PLAYS ]" "WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?" "WHAT?" "OH, MAN." "OH, JOEL..." "WHAT?" "!" "OH, THAT?" "THAT'S NOTHING." "IF BY "NOTHING," YOU MEAN "SOMETHING,"" "AND BY "SOMETHING," YOU MEAN CHRISTIE." "SO WHAT, OKAY?" "I LIKE TO DRAW." "YEAH." "MAYBE YOU SHOULD DRAW A PICTURE" "OF DAMON KICKING YOUR ASS." "IS THAT A NIPPLE?" "NO." "THAT'S GORBACHEV'S BIRTHMARK." "OH, YEAH, RIGHT." "WHY IS GORBACHEV SPOONING RONALD REAGAN?" "IT'S A POLITICAL METAPHOR, OKAY?" "HE'S JUST SCREWED THE WESTERN WORLD," "AND NOW HE'S PRETENDING TO LOVE US." "SEE?" "HE'S SMOKING A CIGARETTE." "YOU DON'T GET ME AT ALL AS AN ARTIST." "ALL RIGHT?" "NO, NO." "I-I GET YOU COMPLETELY." "YOU DRAW CHRISTIE WITH A BUNCH OF STUFF AROUND HER." "NO, I [SIGHS]" "CHRISTIE, CHRISTIE..." "OH, AND HERE'S CHRISTIE AS A SUPERHERO." "WHAT'S HER POWER?" "SHE CONTROLS YOU?" "DUDE?" "DUDE, ARE YOU GONNA BARF?" "I MIGHT." "OH, MY GOD, BRIAN." "ONE OF MY DRAWINGS OF CHRISTIE IS IN THE NOTES I JUST GAVE HER!" "IT'S OKAY." "IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD, A LITTLE SURREAL," "BUT THERE'S NOTHING -- NOTHING ROMANTIC IN HERE." "OHH, YEAH." "JOEL, WHAT DID YOU DO?" "I MIGHT HAVE GIVEN HER A THOUGHT BUBBLE." "JOEL, WHAT DID IT SAY?" "IT'S HER THOUGHT BUBBLE." "IT'S HER BUSINESS." "JOEL!" "COME ON!" "OKAY, LET'S REVIEW." "OKAY." "I TELL CHRISTIE THAT I'M NOT AS PREPARED" "FOR HAINES' MIDTERM AS I THOUGHT I WAS." "I'LL TAKE BACK MY NOTEBOOK, WHITE OUT THE PICTURES," "PHOTOCOPY THE NOTES, AND GIVE THEM BACK TO HER." "OKAY." "ANXIETY IS CLEARLY PRESENT," "BUT RETENTION IS GOOD." "OKAY." ""MEET ME AT KAPPA THETA."" "OH, MY GOD." "A STUDY SESSION." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S CODE FOR?" "WHAT?" "A BUNCH OF CHICKS IN THEIR PANTIES HAVING A PILLOW FIGHT." "YEAH, OR A GROUP OF GIRLS" "ABOUT TO WITNESS MY GREATEST PUBLIC HUMILIATION." "YES, BUT WITH PILLOWS AND PANTIES." "[ KNOCK AT DOOR ] [ Boston accent ] HEY, SORRY.E GO, DEWEY!" "UH, DO YOU GUYS THINK YOU CAN KEEP IT DOWN JUST A LITTLE BIT?" "YEAH!" "ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]" "WE'RE TRYING TO STUDY." "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" "THIS IS GAME 6 OF THE WORLD SERIES." "GO, SOX!" "YEAH, THE WORLD -- YEAH, O-OF COURSE." "YEAH, THE WORLD SERIES!" "YEAH, I'D BE -- I'D BE WATCHING" "IF I DIDN'T HAVE A ROOMMATE THAT WENT TO BED AT 8:00." "HE'S ASIAN, SO " "WELL, YOU CAN PARK IT RIGHT THERE." "YEAH, JOIN THE PARTY." "YEAH, OKAY." "...THE LEFT-HAND-HITTING RICH GEDMAN COMING UP." "THIS IS -- THIS IS WICKED AWESOME." "GO, SOX!" "HUH?" "YEAH!" "[ Chuckling ] YEAH!" "ALL RIGHT." "HER NAME'S LEAH." "AND WE'RE HERE FOR PROFESSOR HAINES," "SO NONE OF THAT SEXY, LATIN-EYE STUFF YOU DO." "YOU MEAN THIS?" "YES." "THAT." "I'LL DO MY BEST." "HI." "MAY I HELP YOU?" "YES!" "NOT NOW, HECTOR." "HI." "MY NAME'S MICHAEL RENO." "I'M HERE ON BEHALF OF ALOYSIUS HAINES." "I SEE." "LISTEN, ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME" "CAN BE COMMUNICATED THROUGH MY ATTORNEY." "[ Chuckling ] RIGHT." "ACTUALLY, PROFESSOR HAINES WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU" "OUTSIDE THE CONFINES OF JURISPRUDENCE." "WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA." "YOU UNDERSTAND THAT." "YES!" "LISTEN, I GOT TO GO." "OKAY, NO, NO." "WAIT, WAIT, PLEASE." "I KNOW THAT YOU TWO HAVE HAD YOUR DIFFERENCES..." "BUT PROFESSOR HAINES" "HAS BEEN AN INCREDIBLE ROLE MODEL" "AS FACULTY ADVISER AT OUR FRATERNITY." "REALLY?" "YEAH." "SO HE GETS A STUDENT TO COME AND PLEAD HIS CASE?" "DID HE REALLY EXPECT FOR ME TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?" "YES." "AND WHAT " " IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR EYES?" "L-LISTEN, I AM SORRY," "BUT THERE ISN'T ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN SAY" "TO ME TO MAKE ME CHANGE MY MIND." "WHAT ABOUT IF I PUT HIM AWAY?" "[ Mellow voice ] KEEP IT LOCKED RIGHT HERE ON WHBD RADIO" "FOR ALL YOUR SOFT-ROCK NEEDS." "WE'LL BE HERE UNTIL MIDNIGHT." "[ BUTTON CLICKS ] [ SIGHS ]" "[ Normal voice ] AT WHICH POINT I TATHIS RECORD," "BREAK IT, AND SLIT MY THROAT." "WELL, WHY DO YOU PLAY THAT MUSIC IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT?" "BECAUSE, MAN, IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN BE A DEEJAY." "OKAY." "IF YOU HAD A CHOICE, WHAT WOULD YOU PLAY?" "I'D PLAY STUFF THAT NOBODY ON THIS CAMPUS WANTS TO HEAR." "WHY NOT?" "RACE RELATIONS." "OH, COME ON." "YEAH." "OKAY." "WE CAN GET DEEP IF YOU'RE FEELING FRISKY." "OKAY." "BAM." "PUBLIC ENEMY?" "THE GRANDMASTER FLASH." "WHO " " WHO ARE THEY?" "THE FUTURE." "[ CRICKETS CHIRPING ]" "HI!" "CAN I HELP YOU?" "HI." "YEAH, I WAS LOOKING FOR CHRISTIE?" "UH, WHICH CHRISTIE?" "WE HAVE FOUR." "OH, SORRY." "UH, DEWITT " " CHRISTIE DEWITT?" "UH, SHE'S APPARENTLY HERE ON A "STUDY SESH."" "OH, THAT CHRISTIE." "YEAH, SHE'S UPSTAIRS." "[ EXHALES ]" "UH, HOLD IT." "YOU CAN'T COME UP HERE." "OFF-LIMITS." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "OH." "I'M SORRY." "SORRY." "YEAH." "BOYS ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF A SORORITY HOUSE" "IS A VERY BIG NO-NO -- NO MATTER HOW CUTE THEY ARE." "YEAH." "HE IS CUTE." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "WELL, COULD YOU PLEASE TELL CHRISTIE" "THAT JOEL IS HERE TO SEE HER" "AND TO PLEASE BRING MY POLI-SCI NOTEBOOK?" "CHRISTIE DEWITT..." "JOEL..." "UM, WHAT WAS THAT LAST PART AGAIN?" "POLI-SCI NOTEBOOK." "[ CHUCKLES ] GOT IT." "CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?" "DO YOU HAVE ANY -- NO, ACTUALLY, WE'RE GOOD." "YES, YOU ARE." "OKAY." "BOY, SHE WAS NICE." "SHE WAS VERY HELPFUL." "YEAH, GETTING CHRISTIE WOULD BE HELPFUL." "[ SIGHS ] WHAT DO I DO IF SHE'S ALREADY SEEN THE DRAWING?" "YOU POLITELY INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO DAMON'S FIST." "I WAS HOPING FOR SOMETHING USEFUL." "WELL, I'M SORRY, JOEL, BUT THAT'S ALL I GOT." "DO ME A FAVOR " " NEXT TIME YOU'RE FEELING ARTISTIC," "WHY DON'T YOU DRAW ANONYMOUS BREASTS?" "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PUT FACES ON THEM?" "THANKS." "Christie:" "HEY!" "HEY, CHRISTIE!" "SEPARATION ANXIETY FROM YOUR NOTES?" "HA!" "FUNNY." "NO." "[ BOTH LAUGH ]" "UM, ACTUALLY, I-I, UH, REALIZED THAT I WASN'T AS PREPARED" "AS I THOUGHT I WAS, SO " "IT'S OKAY." "I STOPPED AT KINKO'S ON MY WAY HERE" "AND MADE FIVE COPIES, SO I'M GOOD." "THAT WAS [CLAPS JOEL'S SHOULDER] SMART." "THAT WAS SMART." "[ EXHALES ]" "I'M SMART." "YEAH." "OKAY, WELL, I BETTER GET BACK TO MY STUDY GROUP." "THANKS AGAIN." "I'LL SEE YOU IN CLASS." "BYE." "Christie:" "BYE." "I'm dead." "I'm dead." "We'got to go get those other copies!" "Joel, are you crazy?" "We can't go upstairs." "The coast is clear." "Come on." "Let's go." "Joel, you heard the girl!" "It's a very big no-no!" "So is doodling Damon's girlfriend!" "[ SIGHS ]" "Which is worse thdrawing Damon's girlfriend." "Young woman:" "OH!" "THOSE CHOWDERHEADS LET 'EM TIE IT UP." "ALL RIGHT." "PACK YOUR BAGS." "LET'S GO HOME." "WE'RE DONE." "THAT'S A LITTLE DOOMSDAY, DON'T YOU THINK?" "HEY, IF YOU'RE A RED SOX FAN," ""DOOMSDAY" IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME." "YOU EVER HEAR OF CURSE OF THE BAMBINO?" "FREAKING SOX SOLD BABE RUTH TO THE YANKS IN 1920..." "SO?" "SO?" "WE HAVEN'T WON A WORLD SERIES SINCE." "THAT'S 65 YEARS PURE "TAWTURE."" "THAT'S " " THAT'S A LOT OF YEARS OF "TAWTURE."" "ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MY ACCENT?" "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." "[ LAUGHS ] YOU'RE A PISSER." "HEY, IF WE HAVE TO LOSE," "AT LEAST I'M WATCHING IT WITH A CUTE GUY." "COMPLIMENT ACCEPTED." "THEY CAN'T GET THE DOUBLE PLAY!" "OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD!" "WE JUST SCORED ON AN ERROR!" "OKAY, OKAY!" "YOU SEE THAT, MISS PESSIMISTIC?" "!" "YOU'RE GONNA WIN THIS THING!" "DON'T DO THAT." "YOU'RE CURSING IT." "OH, GOSH." "OKAY, WE HAVE TO UNDO THAT." "EVERYONE, SWITCH SEATS!" "YEAH." "YOU GUYS OVER HERE." "COME ON." "OKAY." "WE'RE OVER HERE." "OKAY." "ALL RIGHT." "OKAY." "DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?" "YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" "ELI!" "GEEZ, YOU'RE MY GOOD-LUCK CHARM." "AM I A CHARM OR A CURSE?" "YOU KNOW, MAKE UP YOUR MIND." "IF WE CAN WIN THE SERIES, IT WOULD BE WICKED AWESOME!" "I'D BE SO EXCITED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MIGHT DO." "I MIGHT JUST DO ANYTHING!" "LET'S BEAT THESE NEW YORKERS!" "This place is so girly." "I know." "Even the stains on the carpet are heart-shaped." "It's not at all like I pictured it." "How did you picture it?" "Girls in t-shirts and panties kind of just hanging around?" "Exactly." "Yeah." "[ YOUNG WOMEN LAUGHING ]" "Bingo!" "[ LAUGHING CONTINUES ]" "Oh, wow!" "In any other circumstance, I would enjoy this." "Okay, they're not studying yet." "We just need to find those notes." "Brian." "Brian!" "Sorry." "I was distracted." "That pizza looks awesome -- pepperoni, black olives, and nipineapple." "Really?" "That's what you're focused on?" "It's not a very popular combo, Joel." "You know, maybe if you were a little more focused, you wouldn't draw so much." "OKAY, I HAVE THE NOTES," "SO WE CAN START WHENEVER YOU GUYS WANT." "[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]" "How are we gonna get them?" "Well, um -- someone's coming!" "Oh, no!" "Go, go, go." "MY BALL HAS GOT TO BE OVER HERE SOMEWHERE." "YOU SAW IT CAROM OFF THE ROOF OF THE LIBRARY, RIGHT?" "WHY MUST WE PLAY GOLF IN THE DARK?" "BECAUSE NIGHT GOLF WHEN IT'S LIGHT OUT" "IS LESS CHALLENGING, HECTOR." "AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE COMPLAINING ABOUT." "YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE QUAD." "I'M THE ONE FIGHTING THE SLICE ALL NIGHT." "DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO." "LOOK!" "WHAT?" "YOU FOUND MY BALL?" "NO." "OH, LEAH." "IT WORKED!" "OH, IT WORKED." "ARE YOU PLAYING A TITLEIST?" "NOT NOW, HECTOR!" "YEAH." "SHE'S GONNA BE HERE ANY WSECOND, MAN." "PUT SOME PANTS ON!" "[ STAMMERS, GROANS ]" "NO, BIG-BOY PANTS!" "THOSE ARE PAJAMA BOTTOMS." "WHAT DID YOU DO?" "!" "I MAY HAVE TALKED TO HER." "IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT Y-YOU'RE SICK!" "YOU AREALLY SICK." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SICK?" "ACTUALLY, YOU'RE DYING." "IDYING NOW?" "YEAH." "YOU WANTED CLOSURE, DIDN'T YOU?" "NOT ON MY LIFE." "WHAT DO I HAVE?" "UH, I CAN'T REMEMBER." "UM, UM " "OH, SOMETHING RECTAL." "[ SIGHS ] OKAY, THIS IS IDIOTIC." "I'M NOT DOING THIS." "NO, NO, NO." "WHEN LEAH GETS HERE," "YOU'RE GONNA TELL HER THE TRUTH AND END THIS NONSENSE." "Leah:" "HELLO, ALOYSIUS." "OH, MY GOD." "LEAH." "YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL." "HOW ARE YOU FEELING?" "MR. RENO " " HE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOUR SITUATION." "OH." "I'M FINE." "[ COUGHS ]" "OH, I'M SO SORRY." "WELL, I'M JUST GONNA LET YOU TWO -- MNH-MNH." "IN MY CONDITION, YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE." "OH, I'M GONNA BE RIGHT BACK." "I JUST HAVE TO GET ONE OF HIS PILLS." "I JUST TOOK IT." "IT LASTS FOR EIGHT HOURS." "SIT." "THAT DRESS..." "IS LOVELY." "That was close." "Too close." "What do we got out there?" "We're all clear." "All right, we get in, we get out, we go home, all right?" "We get in the shower!" "What?" "Is someone coming?" "No, I'm dying to take a shower with you!" "Go!" "HEY, LIZZIE, IF WALLY CALLS," "TELL HIM I'M HOPPING IN THE SHOWER!" "[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]" "HEY, I LIKE THE DRUMS." "WHO -- WHO IS THIS AGAIN?" "THAT'S ERIC B.  RAKIM." "RAKIM?" "!" "RAKIM, YEAH." "PECULIAR NAME." "OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE NAME." "GET THE MESSAGE." "[ CHUCKLES ] I'M TRYING." "IT'S, UH " " WHAT'S THE WORD?" "IT'S REALLY..." "UH, DIRTY?" "DIRTY, YEAH." "RAW." "THAT'S IT, BABY." "RAW." "I AM STUNNED." "WHO KNEW THE URBAN PLIGHT COULD HAVE SUCH " "SUCH ENERGY AND PASSION?" "BLACK PEOPLE." "NOW GET YOUR ASS UP OUT OF MY SEAT." "COME ON." "[ CHUCKLES ]" "IT'S REALLY GOOD." "YOU SHOULD " " YOU SHOULD REALLY PLAY THIS ON THE AIR, TURBO." "OH, NO." "NOT GONNA HAPPEN." "WELL, WHY NOT?" "I MEAN, YOU SAID NOBODY WAS LISTENING." "AND THEY CAN'T FIRE YOU FROM A JOB THEY DON'T PAY YOU FOR." "THAT'S THE THING, OKAY," "'CAUSE THESE SOFT-ROCK LISTENERS ARE BRUTAL." "LISTEN." ""TAKING OFF MY COAT, CLEARING MY THROAT," "MY RHYME WILL BE KICKING IT TILL I HIT MY LAST NOTE."" "DON'T DO THAT." ""MY MIND WILL RANGE UNTIL I FIND ALL KINDS OF IDEAS." ""SELF-ESTEEM MAKES IT SEEM" "LIKE A THOUGHT TOOK YEARS TO BUILD."" "IT JUST SOUNDS SO WRONG COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH." "WHAT IS M.C. RACKIM SAYING THAT'S ANY DIFFERENT THAN ROBERT FROST?" ""RAKIM," MAN." "I MEAN, LIKE YOU SAID, IT'S ALL ABOUT CHOICES." "[ BUTTON CLICKS, HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING ]" "OH, DAMN!" "YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!" "I DIDN'T." "YDID." "[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]" "HEY." "OH, MY GOD." "OKAY." "ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT." "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS." "I DID IT?" "YEAH!" "I'M JUST GONNA FILL IT OUT." "[ GRUNTS ]" "SMOKING-HOT!" "FOCUS ON YOUR MOVES NOW, BABY." "POP LOCK, HIP-HOP." "BITCHIN'!" "YEAH." "THIS IS HIP-HOP, BABY." "HIP-HOP." "WHOO!" "OKAY." "[ INSECTS CHIRPING ]" "[ EXHALES ]" "[ SIGHS ] I AM SO DIRTY." "JILLIAN?" "IS THAT YOU?" "[ High-pitched voice ] UH..." "YEAH." "WHY WOULDN'T IT BE?" "UH, IS MY LOOFAH IN THERE?" "UH..." "I DON'T KNOW." "LET ME CHECK." "What's a loofah?" "!" "UM, SORRY, I JUST USED THE LAST OF IT!" "UM..." "[ CHUCKLES ] OKAY." "LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE OUT." "OKEYDOKEY!" "[ DOOR CLOSES ]" "[ EXHALES SHARPLY ] OH, GOD." "[ SIGHS ] YOU KNOW," "THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE." "WITH THE PROPER WARDROBE AND A SMALLER ADAM'S APPLE," "YOU COULD TOTALLY PASS FOR A WOMAN." "[ Normal voice ] YEAH, THAT'S JUST WHAT I WANT TO HEAR" "FROM A WET GUY IN A SHOWER." "[ SIGHS ]" "GOD, LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF." "[ SNIFFS ]" "ISN'T IT AMAZING WHAT WOMEN WILL DO" "FOR LUSTROUS HAIR AND AN APPEALING SCENT?" "THAT'S IT!" "I KNOW HOW WE CAN PULL THIS OFF." "DOES IT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE TO A WOMAN?" "'CAUSE THAT'S NOT A GIFT YOU SHOULD EXPLOIT" "FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH NEEDS, JOEL." "NO." "I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT GIRLS WILL DO TO AVOID A BAD SMELL." "YOU STILL HAVE THAT BALM STANKOWSKI GAVE YOU?" "[ EXHALES ]" "I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THESE WORDS," "ESPECIALLY TO A GUY IN A SHOWER, BUT I LOVE THAT BALM." "NO, NO, NO!" "DON'T OPEN IT -- NOT YET." "CHANG!" "[ GROANS ]" "DUDE, I NEED YOU TO VACATE PRONTO." "WHAT'S GOING ON?" "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" "RED SOX ARE UP BY 2, BUDDY." "[ WHISTLING IN DISTANCE ] WHAT?" "WHAT'S GOING ON?" "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" "RED SOX ARE ABOUT TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES," "AND THE CURSE OF THE BAMBINO AND THE VIRGIN-O" "IS GONNA BE HISTORY." "COME ON." "THE RED SOX ALWAYS LOSE." "GOOD NIGHT." "NOT TONIGHT, MAN, 'CAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE," "I'M SOMEONE'S LUCKY CHARM." "[ GROANS ]" "DAMN IT, ELI." "YOU OWE ME." "ANYTHING." "NAME IT." "MAKE IT QUICK?" "I DON'T THINK THAT'LL BE AN ISSUE." "THANK YOU." "[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]" "WHOO!" "YEAH!" "YEAH?" "THAT'S IT." "[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]" "NO, NO." "DON'T -- DON'T DO THAT." "NO, NOT THAT ONE." "RESTART, BACK TO ONE." "OKAY." "I'LL TELL YOU THIS " "IF SOMEBODY ASKED ME WHO WAS GONNA INTRODUCE" "HIP-HOP TO HAYES UNIVERSITY, I NEVWOULD HAVE SAID YOU." "[ LAUGHS ]" "I'M GONNA TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT!" "OKAY." "YEAH, YOU SHOULD, BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAST TIME" "YOU WILL EVER HEAR ME COMPLIMENT A PLEDGE AGAIN." "OH-KAY." "TURLEY!" "[ KNOCKING ON WINDOW ]" "THIS ISN'T SOFT-ROCK MUSIC!" "WHY DID YOU TURN OFF GORDON LIGHTFOOT?" "!" "WHO IS THAT?" "!" "THAT IS ONE PISSED-OFF STATION MANAGER!" "UH, I-I DON'T THINK HE LIKES THE MUSIC." "[ KNOCKING ON WINDOW ]" "I DON'T THINK THE AUDIENCE DOES, EITHER." "[ GASPS ]" "I THOUGHTWAS THE ONLY ONE LISTENING." "ME TOO, BUT YOU GIVE PEOPLE THE CHANCE," "AND THEY GONNA COMPLAIN THEIR ASSES OFF." "BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?" "WHAT?" "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!" "HA HA!" "ME NEITHER!" "[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]" "NO?" "SHOW ME." "OH, YOU JUMP?" "SO IT'S SORT OF LIKE..." "YEAH!" "YEAH!" "OHH, MAN." "ARE YOU SURE THIS IS ENOUGH?" ""ENOUGH"?" "I'M LOSING MY VISION." "OHH!" "LITTLE BIT MORE." "NO." "ONE MORE." "OKAY." "THAT SHOULD DO IT." "[ RETCHES ] SORRY." "AND THEN WE TOOK THE PADDLEBOAT TOO FAR OUT INTO THE OCEAN." "[ Chuckling ] YES, AND THEN THEY HAD TO COME AND RESCUE US." "[ LAUGHS ] AND THEN I GOT INTO THAT HEATED DISCUSSION" "WITH THE CAPTAIN ABOUT THE LACK OF COLOR IN THE COAST GUARD." "MM-HMM." "AND YOU KNOW WHAT?" "THEY STILL HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO FIX THAT." "ALOYSIUS, LOOK AT YOU." "YOU REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO LET THINGS GO." "MM, YOU'RE RIGHT." "HOLDING ALL THAT IN IS PROBABLY WHAT MADE YOU SICK." "OHH, YOU KNOW, I REALLY HATE TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS." "AND I WAS GONNA WAIT UNTIL THIS WAS A SURE THING," "BUT I CALLED IN A FAVOR" "WITH A DOCTOR FRIEND OVER AT THE MAYO CLINIC?" "OH, REALLY?" "YES, YES." "AND HE HAS DEVELOPED A GROUNDBREAKING SURGERY" "THAT COULD CURE YOU." "HMM." "IT INVOLVES REMOVING 3/4 OF YOUR COLON" "AND THEN ATTACHING THE REMAINING PORTION TO YOUR ESOPHAGUS." "AND THEN YOU COULD KEEP TALKING OUT OF YOUR ASS!" "IS THAT ELECTIVE?" "OH, COME ON." "WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO PRETEND?" "ALOYSIUS, YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT ALL NIGHT." "I KNOW YOU'RE NOT DYIN'!" "HOW DARE YOU, PROFESSOR HAINES!" "I FEEL SO BETRAYED." "[ SIGHS ]" "SO, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING SOONER?" "I DON'T KNOW." "I GUESS I WAS JUST CAUGHT UP IN THE FANTASY OF IT ALL." "WELL, THAT'S KIND OF DISTURBING." "[ SIGHS ]" "[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]" "I JUST WANTED US TO HAVE ONE LAST GOOD MEMORY TOGETHER." "AND WE HAVE." "BUT I JUST THINK WE'VE GONE AS FAR AS WE CAN." "DON'T YOU?" "YEAH." "I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING TO DO BUT TO MAKE IT OFFICIAL." "THAT'S THAT." "[ PEN THUDS ]" "SO, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?" "WE HUG AND SAY GOODBYE." "OKAY." "OKAY." "HMM?" "ENOUGH HUG." "[ SIGHS ]" "BYE, LEAH." "BYE, WYSHI." "[ SIGHS ]" "OHH." "OH, I FORGOT HOW GOOD YOU MAKE ME FEEL!" "LEAH, COME ON." "KEEP IT DOWN." "THIS IS MY OFFICE." "I LOVE IT, BUT, UH, YOU CAN'T GET TOO LOUD." "OH, COME ON." "YOU KNOW THAT WAS YOU." "[ BOTH LAUGH ]" "YOU KNOW, MAYBE OUR PROBLEM WAS THAT" "I NEVLISTENED ENOUGH." "NO, NO, NO, NO." "I THINK I TALK TOO MUCH." "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "WE'RE TALKING TOO MUCH RIGHT NOW." "WE'RE GONNA KILL THE MOOD." "I'M GONNA TURN THE RADIO ON, COVER UP OUR LOVEMAKING." "[ BOTH LAUGH ]" "[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]" "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" "I DON'T KNOW [SNAPS FINGERS] BUT I KIND OF LIKE IT." "IT'S ANGRY..." "[LAUGHS] JUST LIKE US." "[ LAUGHS ]" "MMM." "MMM." "[ INSECTS CHIRPING ]" "Ohh, dude, release that thing before I pass out." "[ SIGHS ] THIS IS GONNA THROW A LOT OF GIRLS OFF OF TENNIS." "AND BALLS." "Christie:" "SHOULD WE START WITH THE MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX?" "[ CLEARS THROAT ]" "DO YOU SMELL THAT?" "EW." "IT'S HORRIBLE!" "[ YOUNG WOMEN SCREAMING ]" "JOEL:" "Go, go, go!" "I've got the notes!" "I GOT PIZZA." "WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA TAKE THAT?" "REALLY?" "WITH EVERYTHING WE'VE DONE TONIGHT, YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THIS?" "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" "GO!" "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING." "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS TO THE CITY OF BOSTON " "I MEAN, TO MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY." "I MEAN, DO YOU REALIZE RIGHT NOW," "PARENTS ALL OVER BEANTOWN" "ARE WAKING UP THE KIDS TO SEE THIS?" "YOU KIDDING ME?" "I WOKE UP MY ROOMMATE." "IF I COULD HAVE ONE WISH," "IT WOULD BE TO HAVE MY GRANDFATHER ALIVE TO SEE THIS." "ONE MORE OUT, AND THE SOX ARE WORLD " "GINA, WHAT AM I DOING?" "I'M GONNA JINX IT!" "OH, PLEASE DON'T JINX IT." "TWO STRIKES AWAY." "I MEAN, I NEVER THOUGHT THE CURSE WOULD BE BROKEN." "YEAH." "TELL ME ABOUT IT." "[ LAUGHS ]" "OH, GOD." "UNCROSS YOUR LEGS, QUICK, QUICK!" "SORRY!" "IT'S BAD LUCK." "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH." "WE DON'T WANT THAT." "OH." "[ SIGHS ]" "OH, WAIT, WAIT." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "YOU CAN'T DRINK WITH YOUR RIGHT HAND" "WHEN THERE'S A LEFTY AT BAT." "OF COURSE." "YEAH, OKAY." "WELL, GOOD THING I'M A SWITCH DRINKER." "OH." "[ LAUGHS ]" "I'D DO ANYTHING TO BE IN BOSTON." "I MEAN, IT'S GONNA BE ONE GIANT HOOBANGER." "I'M S" " I'M SORRY." "A HOOBANGER?" "UH-HUH." "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS," "BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I'M GONNA LOVE." "OH, TRUST ME." "YOU'RE GONNA MORE THAN LOVE IT." "[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]" "AND ROGER CLEMENS HOPING FOR THAT LAST OUT." "COME ON." "LINED INTO LEFT FIELD -- BASE HIT FOR CARTER." "AND THE METS ARE STILL ALIVE." "OH, NO." "HOOBANGER." "JUST THINK HOOBANGER." "HOLD IT!" "WE'RE DEAD." "LAST MEAL?" "GENTLEMEN THIS IS A LOOFAH." "OH." "UH, WOW." "YES, IT IS." "I GUESS WE DIDN'T USE THE LAST OF IT." "YEAH." "I THOUGHT I EXPLAINED GOING UPSTAIRS WAS A NO-NO." "YOU DID, YOU DID, AND YOU WERE VERY CLEAR," "AND WE WERE WRONG NOT TO LISTEN TO YOU." "YES, YOU WERE." "SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS." "UH, JOEL, WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF HERE?" "NO, I'M NOT LEAVING YOU." "OH, NO, NO." "IT'S " " IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME." "I'VE BEEN CAPTURED." "SAVE YOURSELF." "SO, I OVERHEARD YOU IN THE SHOWER." "ARE YOU REALLY DIRTY?" "I CAN BE." "[ YOUNG WOMEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]" "CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?" "IS IT DIRTY?" "IT CAN BE." "COME BACK IN 10 MINUTES." "I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT THIS LOOFAH CAN DO." "HEY, ANDREA, DID YOU SEE ANYONE GO UPSTAIRS?" "ALL OF OUR NOTES ARE MISSING." "UH, THAT'S..." "WEIRD." "YEAH." "YOU KNOW, A LOT OF WEIRD THINGS" "HAVE BEEN HAPPENING TONIGHT." "I'M GONNA GO TAKE A SHOWER." "SHE STILL HASN'T SHOWERED?" "OONE MORE OUT." "ONONE MORE OUT." "CURVE BALL..." "AND THAT'S GONNA BE HIT TO CENTER " " BASE HIT." "AND NOW SUDDENLY, WITH TWO OUT IN THE 10th INNING," "THE TYING RUNS ARE ABOARD," "AND RAY KNIGHT WILL BE THE BATTER." "ONE MORE OUT." "ONE MORE OUT." "ONE MORE OUT." "ONE MORE OUT." "[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]" "HEY, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK WE CAN KEEP THIS GOING ON?" "TILL RIGHT ABOUT NOW." "ALL RIGHT." "STEP AWAY FROM THE TURNTABLE, YOU " " YOU RADICAL!" "[ BUTTON CLICKS, MUSIC STOPS ]" "YOU'RE FIRED, TURLEY." "YOU'LL NEVER WORK FOR FREE AGAIN." "GOOD." "THAT'S WHY I'M IN COLLEGE, YOU IDIOT." "AND YOU'RE FIRED, TOO!" "UH, I DON'T EVEN WOHERE." "[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]" "HE DOESN'T EVEN WORK HERE." "HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?" "OUT." "YES." "UH, WE ARE VERY SORRY." "TYING RUN 90 FEET AWAY." "HEY, HEY, DON'T WORRY, OKAY?" "THERE'S TWO STRIKES." "ONE MORE STRIKE, AND THE CURSE IS OVER." "GOD WOULDN'T BE THIS CRUEL TO YOU," "OR TO ME." "AND HERE'S MOOKIE." "FOULED OFF." "Both:" "PLEASE LET IT HAPPEN." "PLEASE LET IT HAPPEN." "AND IT'S GONNA GO TO THE BACKSTOP!" "HERE COMES MITCHELL TO SCORE THE TYING RUN!" "AND RAY KNIGHT IS AT SECOND BASE!" "[ SIGHS ]" "IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN."