"Previously on A Gifted Man..." " Anna?" " Michael?" "It was fun being married." "Clinica Sanando." "Anna Paul, please." "Dr. Paul passed away two weeks ago." "There were some kids playing." "Their ball went into the street." "I didn't even see the car." "You gonna turn that off?" "How long you been here?" "A while." "But I didn't want to wake you." "Is that why you've..." "come back from the, uh... from the great beyond..." "to watch your ex-husband sleep?" "Hey, where do you go when you're not here?" "I don't know." "I'm here, and... then I'm gone." "And if I were in control," "I would not choose to show up and watch you have a nightmare." "Who says I had a nightmare?" "You tossed and turned a bit." "What was it about?" "I was at the clinic, and I knew" "I had a patient, so I walked from room to room, but I..." "I couldn't find anyone." "And then?" "Then I found a man." "He was about my age, looked..." "like me." "And he opened his mouth to talk, but..." "Michael, do you want to talk...?" "And his head turned into Kate's, and he told me to get my ass to work, which is what I have to do now." "Hey, next time you drop in to spy on me, could you at least start the coffee?" "Please?" "How'd you get that bruise?" "I tried a board-side grind and totally bit it." "Think I broke a rib." "And this happened where?" "A construction site down the block." "Probably with a big" ""No Trespassing" sign on the fence, right?" "Take your shirt off." "I'm gonna take another look." "You skateboard a lot, Steven?" "As much as I can." "This is the first time I really hurt myself." "It must have been some fall, huh?" "You don't have to tell my dad or anything, do you?" "I mean, if I really broke a rib..." "He'd probably stop you from riding." "Yeah." "So, you think the kid's lying?" "He's got multiple bruises in different stages of healing, even though he said he just fell." "And his skateboard looks brand new." "What?" "Once a family doc, always a family doc." "Neurosurgeons have eyes, too." "Uh, any idea who's beating him up?" "He seemed anxious about us talking to his dad." "I have an idea." "Hi." "You here for Steven?" "Yeah, I'm Ben Tucker." "I just got a call about my son Steven." "Is he..." "Is he okay?" "I'm Dr. Kate Sykora." "I'm the one who called you, and, uh, Steven's doing fine." "We just can't treat him without your consent, so if you could just sign this." "Um, you know, we have insurance, so maybe it's better if I take him to..." "A nicer place?" "Don't worry." "He took a tumble off his skateboard." "A few scrapes and bruises." "He's gonna be fine." "Just sign the form." "Great." "Have a seat, and I'll get him to you in a couple minutes." "Thank you." "Could you see his knuckles?" " Yeah." "Looks like he's been punching somebody." " All right." "I'll call the police, and you try and get the real story out of Steven." "What the hell's his problem?" "This thing ate my money!" "Come on!" "Sir, take it easy." "Go to hell!" "Mr. Tucker, you need to calm down!" "Yeah." "Let me go!" " Listen, you cut your leg." " Dad?" "Steven." "Let's go back into an exam room." "What's he doing here?" "Did you call him?" "Come on." "It's okay." "I bet she'll be fine." "Can I just get my son and go?" "Not unless you want to risk a mother of an infection." "Yeah, you went at that machine pretty hard." "Must be, uh, quite the chocoholic." "Last couple of months... just seems like everything's making me crazy." "Things that used to roll off my back just don't anymore." "I don't know what's happening to me." "You told Dr. Holt that you skate all the time, right?" "And that you hardly ever fall?" "Yeah, I do." "Yeah." "So, um, how come this looks like it's never been used?" "I don't know." "Feeling stressed?" "Yeah, I am that." "I drive a town car for U.N. types, foreign diplomats." "Some of 'em are not so easy to deal with." "Stress making you punch walls?" "Oh, uh, no." "I got this changing a flat tire." "So, your dad really lost his temper out there." "Does that happen often?" "These days, yeah." "Before, he was always cool, but... a few months ago, he just started going off about everything." "And is that how you got these bruises?" "You done?" "Can I get Steven and go?" "Uh, I need to bandage it up." "Uh, this is my wife." "Yeah." "Hi." "Hi, Julie." "I can help you if you tell me the truth." "He hit me." "This morning?" "And last week." "I borrowed his credit card to download some music." "Even though he said I could, when he found out, he just lost it." "And you came here so he wouldn't know." "Bought the skateboard to back up yr story." "No." "It was just a little accident." "I cut my leg." "Doctor stitched it up, and now I guess he's gone down the hall looking for something to wrap it with." "Well, it's kind of a dump." "Doctor's arrogant." "Hmm?" "Um..." "I got to go, honey." "He's back." "Didn't see me standing there?" "Um... no." "No, I guess not." "Need to check your eyes." "Look at me." "Any headaches recently?" "Yeah." "Figured that's what you get when you can't pay your bills." "Any problems with your peripheral vision lately?" "Um, I almost sideswiped a cab yesterday." "Where's "World's" "Greatest Dad"?" "He's back there, but, uh, we have a big problem." "Bigger than him hitting his kid?" "He needs an emergency MRI." "He'll get one in the jail ward when he's booked." "His loss of vision is recent and could be progressing rapidly." " It can't wait." " You want me to take him to County?" "There's a quicker option." "And what would that be?" "Well, I'll give you a hint." "It's got lots of windows and your name all over it." "Take him to Holt Neuro." "Who's this?" "Who are you?" "Aren't you a charmer?" "Just hold your horses." "Hey, get him set up for an MRI." "Just follow him." "Let me guess." "Another patient from your lovely clinic." " He will be in and out." " Uh, uh, uh, uh." "While your jailbird's having his picture taken, you have a consult in your office." "This one's a VIP." "FDNY Chief John Hawthorne." "Says he's having throbbing headaches." "Chief Hawthorne." "Michael Holt." "Thanks for making time for me." "Sure." "This is Gemma Krauss, one of FDNY's bravest." "She drove me here." "I told your assistant I was having headaches, but that's not exactly true." "The person you need to take a look at is Gemma." "I'm sorry I had to lie to get you to come here, but you refuse to see a doctor." "Yes, because there's nothing wrong with me." "Stopping in the middle of sentences." "Can't finish your thoughts." "Gemma, I'm worried about you." "How long has this been going on?" " No, he's making a big deal out of nothing." " Three months." "She's supposed to start back in active duty next week, but she needs a clean bill of health." "I'll call back for an update." "Chief..." "Chief!" "Have a seat." "Yeah, I'm sorry." "He's, um..." "He's overreacting." "Hmm." "He and my dad came up together since they were cadets." "He's always been..." "like a second father to me." "Hmm." "He cares, which is nice, but it's also a pain in the ass sometimes." "So this problem you're having..." "uh, how often has it happened?" "Two or three times." "Okay, four or five." "And, uh, you have a headache?" "Dizziness?" "Numbness?" "Nausea?" "No, no." "No." "That's only three." "Well, I was nauseous." "But I had the stomach flu." "The department doctor gave me Ondansetron, and it's fine." "Take any other medications?" "No." "Look, since" "I got injured, I've been on light duty." "I've been baby-sitting the chief." "Yeah, I get back on my truck in a week." "I'd still like to run several tests, including a spinal tap." "A spinal tap?" "But for..." "For spacing out?" "Just want to rule out anything infectious." "Firefighters get into some messy situations." " Broken sewer mains, contaminants." " Yeah." "I know what we go through." "But look, I..." "I haven't been in a fire in three months." "I can't wait to get  get  get..." "Gemma?" "Gemma?" "... get-get back... get back to it." "So the chief wasn't imagining anything." "No." "But look, once it passes," "I'm fine." "Not from where I'm sitting." "Dr. Holt, your MRI is up." "Let's prep Ms. Kraus for a CT and consent her for a lumbar puncture." "Now she's the patient?" "Stranger things have happened here." "Did you figure it out?" "You have a type of brain tumor called a meningioma." "The irregular borders suggest it's malignant." "I have a brain tumor?" "It's pressing on the amygdala." "That's the part of the brain that controls emotion." "You said you used to be a pretty... easy-going guy a few months ago, right?" "So when I take it out, the violent outbursts will go away." "All right?" "Ben, did you hear what I said?" "Leave it in." "What?" "You've got a couple months, tops." "Even before then, you could become paralyzed before it kills..." "I-I heard you." "I understand." "I want you to let me die." "Ben, you really should reconsider." "The surgery can save your life." "Ben!" "What is going on?" "Is this your wife?" "Look, I'm..." "I'm really sorry, Julie." "Why did you hit Steven?" "You can talk to him after he's booked..." "Third Precinct." "Answer me!" "Mrs. Tucker." "Mrs. Tucker!" "Look, a few hours ago my husband cut his leg at some clinic, and now he's arrested and brought here." "What is going on?" "!" "I can't speak to you about his diagnosis without his permission." "Go ahead, tell them." "I'm assuming you've noticed" "Ben's angry outbursts." " Yeah, it's kind of hard not to." " They're being caused by a brain tumor." "Ben has cancer?" "Is... my dad gonna die?" "Without treatment, it's certainly fatal." "But if I remove the tumor, he has a good chance of being the person he once was." "So, he can go and operate?" "No." " Why not?" " I don't know." "Ask him." "Had to meet with an NFL So you'rkicker who just got cut because he forgot how to split the uprights." "I have a patient for you." "Firefighter who developed neuro symptoms after she was injured a while back..." "East 27th Street fire." " The day care?" "Yeah." " Yeah, I heard about it." " Big news." " The rest of her workup is normal, but you can do the spinal tap and get her story all at once." "Yeah, well, you know, I love a captive audience." "So, you're a neurologist and a psychiatrist?" "I like residency so much, I did it twice." "Let me guess." "Chief called and added "loony"" "to my list of problems." "Well... if it makes you feel any better," "I'm only wearing my neurologist hat right now." "Spinal taps are our bread and butter." "So..." "I'm going to be inserting this needle, okay?" "Yeah, what am I, five?" "Just do it already." "This might hurt just a little." "I hear you're... one of our bravest." "Ladder Company 57." "So you were at the big fire on East 27th a couple of months ago." "Day care, right?" "Faulty wiring, started in the basement?" "What are you, a firebug?" "No." "News junkie." "I remember there were a lot of children that were rescued." "You remember hearing that two teachers died?" "Yeah, it must have been pretty horrific, huh?" "Just another day on the job." "I also hear that you were injured." "Why do I get the feeling that you just put on your psychiatrist hat?" "Hey... you're the one in the dangerous profession." "Yeah, well, keep your medal." "It was after the fire was out," "I was on my way back to the truck, I... stepped on a hose nozzle and landed funny, broke my foot." " Sounds painful." " Not as bad as getting back to the firehouse and having all the guys hopping around on one foot, doing the "Gemma."" "Did you report it to anyone?" "FDNY has 11,000 firefighters." "Only 32 of them are women." "You think I report a grievance every time someone makes a crack?" "How's the spinal fluid look?" " Clear." " All right, so the problem's" " probably not bacterial." " Eh, she's a little off, though." "I mean, she didn't even blink when I showed her the spinal needle." "She kept rubbing her index and little finger together on her right hand." "You know, she said she's been feeling nauseous since having the stomach flu." "And she spaced out pretty hard with me." "Maybe a brain parasite is causing her psych symptoms." "Well, maybe not a worm, just psych." " You thinking PTSD?" " Look, she's been laid up for months, she heals her broken foot..." "just before she goes back to work she gets sick to her stomach?" "Classic physiological response to the threat of reentering a traumatic setting." "Sounds like a job for a shrink." "Let me guess... the clinic?" "Duty calls." "Good, get her home safe." "That was quick." "Got a patient for me?" "Yeah." "Well, what happened with our hotheaded chauffeur?" "I found a meningioma compressing his amygdala." "Explains his rage." "So he'll be a different guy when you take it out, right?" "Ah... he refused to let me operate." "Well, that's unacceptable." "It's his choice." "What am I supposed to do?" "I don't know, charm him, bully him, reason with him, cajole, threaten, beg, bribe." "Should I go on?" "I tried." "Wait, he'll die if you don't operate, right?" "Yes, and he knows that." "Look, if you want to try to convince him, go for it." "Oh, right, yes, you don't have time to waste on people who are throwing their lives away; you help people who want your help." "I have people here who want my help." "In the time it takes me to chase this guy down," "I could be treating patients." "Okay, in a couple of months from now, when you hear that Ben died from something you could have treated, how you gonna feel?" "Fine." "Really?" "A man you could save with one arm tied behind your back, if only he were smart enough to let you." "Okay, so go find him." "Do it for all the vending machines in the world." "Unidentified structure fire, 312 East Bronx Avenue." "That doesn't sound like the Top 40." "It's my favorite thing." "There's always something going on out there." "May I?" "Hey, why don't you have a seat?" "I hate chairs." "You know what?" "Me, too." "Are you here to shrink me some more?" "Let's talk about your family." "Married, kids?" "Single." "Are you really gonna...?" "Okay, I'll sit if you sit." "So..." "Dr. Holt told me that your father was a firefighter." "They were firemen back then." "Hmm." "You know, let's talk some more about the East 27th Street fire." " Why?" " You've seen some pretty terrible scenes." "Maybe sometimes you feel as though you're reliving them." "If you're asking if I get flashbacks," "I don't." "The only memories I have are of the people when you pull 'em out, how their fear turns to joy, and the kids in that fire..." "they were no different." "So your job never makes you feel hopeless?" "It's like I told the department shrink:" "if you're waiting around for me to cry, you're gonna be disappointed." "I'll be right outside." "I didn't ask for a house call." "Oh, I'm sorry, is this your house?" "Huh." "I came by to get you to, uh, to stop acting like an idiot." "I already told you, no surgery." "Oh, then I must be the idiot, 'cause I can't understand why a guy would rather die than have an operation that could save his life." "Because I deserve it." "Nobody deserves brain cancer." "They would for what I did." "Ben, I've pulled tumors out of people whose lives weren't worth a damn and people who were living saints." "Cancer doesn't discriminate." "Look, I made up my mind." "Are you done?" "Can you just stop acting like a stubborn jackass long enough to think about your family?" "They'd be better off if, if I just wasn't around." "Oh, so your wife gets to watch you commit slow-motion suicide, your son gets to beg you to live, hoping that you won't fly into a rage, give him a few more bruises." "Well, that's going to be a fun way to deal with you for the rest of their lives." "Th-This thing inside my head... it's really what's making me so angry?" "Hard to believe, but yeah." "And you're sure you can get it out?" "No doubt at all." "Okay." "Okay, I-I want you to do it." "I want the surgery, but... in case I die and word somehow gets out about all the things I did..." "What else did you do?" "I want my son to know that, that what happened back in September... it, it was just an accident, and I want you to tell him that, okay?" "What are you talking about?" "It was two months ago." "I was in a rage." "I was driving home from work." "I was yelling at my..." "my boss on the phone." "I was so... so angry." "At him, at the, at the whole world, and at this woman, this stupid woman who ran out into the street before I..." "I hit her and I didn't even stop." "Where was this?" "Alphabet City." "What did she look like?" "She was white, um, she had red hair." "She had this, this clip-on badge from her job, I guess." "Tucker, let's go;" "your wife bailed you out." "You'll still do the surgery, right, Doctor?" "Dr. Holt." "Dr. Holt, please." "Let's go." "Dr. Holt, please help me." " Michael." " Yeah." "You're not on the schedule today." "Yeah, uh..." "What's the worst patient you've had?" "You mean like a pain in the ass?" "You want it alphabetical or by degree of annoying-ness?" "No, I just..." "I mean, uh, somebody who did something unforgivable." "Rapist or murderer or..." "Child abuser?" "Did you ever refuse to treat somebody?" "Like, the thought of making them better just made you feel sick to your stomach?" "Last I checked, the Hippocratic Oath does not contain the phrase" ""Thou shalt not treat the skeevy."" "Maybe it should." "Patient in Exam Room Two is ready for you." "Yeah." "Michael." "Michael?" "Looks like something's on your mind." "A patient, uh..." "I can't talk about him." "You're invoking privilege?" "With a dead person?" "Who am I gonna tell... the birds?" "You ever wonder what would have happened if you'd just let the ball go, get it after the car passed?" "No." "You really never wonder what if?" "Do you remember that terrible coffee place near UCSF?" "The Ground Level." "The coffee tasted almost as bad as the name." "Exactly, and I tasted it once and vowed that I'd never go there again, and then during boards, my coffeemaker broke, and I had to go back." "And I ran into you and spilled espresso down the front of your shirt." "And that's why what if's don't work." "'Cause what if my coffeemaker hadn't broken?" "Michael," "I-I'm confused." "Are you seeing patients or not?" "'Cause I got a waiting room full of 'em if you are." "Uh," "I just came by to talk." "Okay." "Oh, excuse me." "You're late, and bottoms up." "What's happening?" "Uh, phone's been ringing off the hook." "Not the clinic." "No, no, your jailbird Ben Tucker." "Five calls from him, three from his wife." "Want me to get 'em on the line?" "Not yet." "Oh, gee, I wonder who that is." "Michael." "Hey, you figure out Gemma's PTSD?" "Yeah, only that it's not PTSD." "She's not exhibiting classic symptoms." " Okay, so let's take another run at her." " Well, we can't." "About an hour ago, she heard about a two-alarm on that scanner of hers." "Against medical advice, she bolted." "Michael, it's Chief Hawthorne." "He says it's urgent." "All right, thank you." "Gemma, what happened?" "Thought I could help." "You were supposed to stay at Holt Neuro." "She showed up ten minutes after we made it here." "Grabbed her gear, started to follow us inside." "You're still clean, so I'm guessing you never made it in." "I tried, I really tried, but... my mind kept freezing up, you know, and I was useless, just like at 27th Street." "You weren't useless then, Gemma, you saved those kids." "But you didn't save the teachers, did you, Gemma?" "But that wasn't her fault." "Yeah." "Yeah, it was." "I could have saved them." "I had just found the kids, I heard a banging on the door." "I tried to open it, but..." "I had to get the kids out." "You heard the teachers?" "I thought I had time to get back in there, and I..." "I had to make the call." "I..." "And then the room collapsed." "I could just hear their screaming." "None of this is in your after-action report." "I'm sorry, Chief, I..." "Save it." "We need to get you back to Holt Neuro." "Come on, Gemma, come on." "Let's go." "I-I couldn't put it in the report b-becau..." "Gemma?" "Gemma." "Gemma!" "Oh, God." "Bring a med bag over here and an intubation kit" " and bring a board." " My God, what's happening to her?" "She's having a seizure." "Just stay back." "We're her doctors; we got it." "Where's your board?" "Come on." "Got the lorazepam." "Phenytoin?" "Take that." "Got it." "Swab." "All right, here we go." "Got it." "Okay." "Let's roll her." "All right." "Here we go." "Get her on, get her on, get her on." "There we go, there we go." "She's having shallow respirations." "We got to intubate her." "Position her jaw." "There we go." "Bag her." "Okay." "Oh, hold on... there she goes again." "I'll give her a second dose." "There you go." "All right, let's take her to Holt Neuro." "On my count, guys." "One, two, three." "Up." "She's in status epilepticus." "Still seizing." "A few more minutes of this, she's gonna fry her brain." "Well, the propofol stopped her physical seizing, but the brain's still going." "The only time I've seen this was with drug interaction, but the only thing she's taking is antinausea meds." "Unless she's lying." "Get her purse." "Oh, here we go." "St. John's Wort... taking this as an antidepressant" " and she didn't tell us." " Give me 20cc's of cyproheptadine now." "Serotonin Syndrome?" "The St. John's Wort interacted with the antinausea drug, spiked her serotonin levels, causing the blank episodes and now the seizures." "All right, come on." "Okay, it's working, it's working." "And... brain seizure stopped." "So... is your firefighter going to make it?" "Just barely." "I heard someone else might not be so lucky..." "Ben Tucker." "Where'd you hear that?" "His son Steven called, crying, wanted to know why you hadn't returned his father's calls." "What is bothering you about this case, Michael?" "I mean, you said the guy's a jerk, but it's not like he killed someone." "Okay, now I got to sit." "I just don't get it, Rita." "Why someone deserves to live." "And... the other person?" "They didn't." "Michael." "Well, if I know two things  it's that decisions like these are  well, above my pay grade." "What's the other thing?" "You'll make the right decision." "What the hell kind of doctor are you?" "First you, um, you tell me I'm gonna die and that you want to save me, and then when I agree, you just, you just vanish into thin air." "Ben." "I'll do the surgery." "You will?" "Uh... but there is something that you need to know before you put your life in my hands." "That woman that you hit." "What about her?" "She used to be my wife." "Michael." "I want the surgery." "Why didn't you tell me?" "I want to live." "Anna." "Doc, where are you going?" "Just get to Holt Neuro as fast as you can." "I will meet you there." "Starting his third liter now." "Where are we on vitals?" "Uh, BP and heart rate are stable." "Oh, no." "Just hit a snag." "Tumor's exposed, but it's encasing the middle cerebral artery." "Yeah, you peel that wrong, he'll bleed out or develop a clot." "I'm aware." "You gonna pay me when you wear out my floor?" "Sorry." "Where's your mom?" "She went to get coffee." "You want to sit?" "So... tell me what your dad was like before he started getting angry." "He was great." "When I was little, and he'd just started driving for the car service, he'd take me with him, let me ride shotgun." "He'd even turn customers down if they didn't like me coming along." "I saw the whole city from that passenger seat." "Met people from more countries than I can count." "And got to spend time with Dad." "Why did it take Dr. Holt so long to say that he would operate on my dad?" "Is he afraid that he won't be able to fix him?" "All I can tell you is, when Dr. Holt says he'll make things right, he always keeps his promise." "I got it." "How are you feeling?" "Lousy." "What happened to me?" "These did." "You should have told us you were taking something for depression." "I couldn't go to the department doc to get anti-depressants." "I'm already the only woman in the place." "I got to be on happy pills to do my job?" "Gemma, look, taking anti-depressants doesn't make you weak." "And neither does being depressed." "You sure about that?" "My brother killed himself three years ago." "He was depressed." "Wouldn't admit it." "Refused to take medication." "The only weak thing he did was give up." "I'm sorry." "Gemma, look at me." "You're lucky to be alive." "You get some therapy and proper medication, you'll see the world in a different way." "I'll be seeing it from a desk." "I'm on administrative assignment for the foreseeable future." "That's forever." "You worked hard to get where you are." "You'll..." "You'll figure out something." "Like what?" "I just lost the one thing that I love." "Better your job than your life." "I guess I just never thought of those two things as being separate before." "Uh..." "Can I talk to you?" "Let me have a minute with the doctor alone, all right?" "You guys wait outside." "Okay." "Thanks, buddy." "Did you tell them about the accident?" "No." "As soon as I get out of here, I'm going to turn myself in." "Um, it's the only way I can live with myself." "Some secrets need to come out." "I just hope they can forgive me." "Can you?" "This isn't about me." "It's about her." "This is who she was." "This is who died that day." "Wait." "Wait." "That isn't her." "This is not the woman I hit." "Uh..." "Brother Mike, you look troubled." "Oh, I'm fine." "Um..." "I have this patient who, uh, talked to me about wanting to contact a spirit." "Figured I'd humor the guy, ask an expert." "As a shaman, how do you go about it?" "Well, you can tell him that he should, uh, build a shrine." "What kind of shrine?" "A collection of objects that has meaning to the spirit." "Or to whoever's trying to call it from beyond." "And that's it?" "Yep." "You could light candles, too." "Play a song that has meaning." "Most importantly..." "and if the guy were you, this would be the hardest part... just be patient." "Yeah, of course." "♪ Babylon ♪" "♪ Sunday all the lights of London ♪" "♪ Shining, sky is fading red to blue ♪" "♪ I'm kicking through the autumn leaves ♪" "♪ And wondering where it is you might be going to ♪" "♪ Turning back for home ♪" "♪ You know I'm feeling so alone ♪" "♪ I can't believe ♪" "♪ Climbing on the stair ♪" "♪ I turn around to see you smiling there ♪" "♪ In front of me ♪" "♪ If you want it ♪" "♪ Come and get it ♪" "♪ Crying out loud ♪" "♪ The love that I was ♪" "♪ Giving you was ♪" "♪ And feel it now ♪ What am I doing here?" "♪ Let go your heart ♪ Stupid." "♪ Let go your head ♪" "♪ And feel it now ♪" "Of all the times I've appeared since I died, this is the first I'm not happy to be here and see you." "I'm sorry." "I don't blame you." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Didn't you think I'd want to know who killed me?" "It wasn't supposed to be a secret;" "I just didn't know how to tell you." "I..." "I..." "I guess I wanted to spare you the pain and the rage that I felt when I found out." "But it doesn't matter now." "Because you forgave him?" "Because Ben wasn't the one who killed you." "Did you know that before you operated?" "I just found out." "So you saved him anyway." "It took me a while to get there." "So who did he kill?" "I don't know."