"[Hilda] Previously on Ugly Betty:" "I love you, Hilda, and I want you to be my wife." "Any preference for how we make your old man disappear?" "Six months you'll run Meade Publications." "That's the idea." "I'm divorcing Claire." "You slut." "Stay away from my husband!" " I'm so sorry." " I love you." "He's my boyfriend, so back off, Betty." " I'm gonna fight for Henry." " You're not the one in charge." "I am the one with pupils that aren't the size of quarters." "Left my wallet in the bedroom, just a second." "Hey, what the..." " I won't be going home with you." " What?" "They denied my visa." "Henry, hi." "It's me." "Betty... sorry." "I never know at what point you can say "It's me" and the other person knows." "Anyhow, I'm back from Mexico" "And I really need to talk to you." "So, just give me a ringle." "I mean a jing." "I'm sorry I'm combining jingle and ring." "Just call me." "Thanks." "Learn to talk!" " Hi!" " Hey, how's Dora the Explorer?" "Your trip good?" "Everything work out with your father?" "There were problems." "He's still in Mexico." "Everything's going to be OK." "We spoke to the lawyer this morning and he'll be home soon." "Hey, I brought you something." "Oh, Betty, you shouldn't have." " Oh, I didn't." "This is for Henry." " Lucky guy." "This... is for you." "A rock, wow." "It's supposed to be mystical." "The man who sold it to me said it will help on your journey of enlightenment." "Or with cramps, my Spanish really sucks." "I know how hard you've been working on cleaning yourself up, so here." "Yeah, that's me." "All cleaned up." "Daniel, are you wearing makeup?" "A guy can't wear a little concealer without being judged?" " Come on." " You have a black eye." "How did that happen?" "Did Alexis do this to you?" "I've only been gone for a week!" "No, it wasn't Alexis." "Um..." "It happened last night I saved this kid who fell in the lake in Central Park." " What?" " I saw this little girl, it was a Girl Scout and she had fallen in the lake by the boat house," "I dove in and hit my head on a rock and pulled her out." "That was it." " Where are we ordering lunch from?" " Wait, Daniel." "You saved somebody's life?" "You're a hero." "OK!" "OK, it's over." "I did my good deed for the year." "You know what?" "I have something else for Henry." "You deserve this." "Gracias." "I thought I smelled jewelry." "What is that?" "That is my way of thanking you for giving me a second chance at happiness." "Wilhelmina, will you spend the rest of your life with me?" "Oh, Bradford, you know I will." "Oh, my." "It's a big flower, isn't it?" "I designed it myself." "It represents how our love has bloomed." " Happy?" " Deliriously." "It's like I'm in a fairy tale." "And you are my beautiful princess." "Homewrecking slut." "She's the reason Bradford sent those divorce papers." "Shut it, fish." "Just stack up another set of quarters." "Forgive me, but are you sure you don't want to retain just a dash of your femininity?" "Rough and beautiful." "Look, you said you would help me." "My husband won't take my calls, won't see me." "If I could get to him, I could save my marriage." "Relax, fish, all right?" "It's going down tomorrow when they transfer us upstate." "Four of us in that van." "You, me, Chartreuse, and Sugarfree Shirley." "The diabetic?" "That sweet thing is gonna be the key to our plan." "Hello." "It's Alexis Meade." "I need to know when you'll be taking care of the situation with my father." "This waiting is freaking me out." "[Man] I told you, it'll happen when it happens." "The less you know, the better." "Don't be stupid enough to call me again." " Have you heard the news?" " Is it my father?" "What happened?" "No." "It's Daniel." "This Girl Scout fell in a lake in Central Park and Daniel saved her." "He even hit his head on a rock and got a black eye." "Really?" "Daniel did that?" "Look, I know things between you two have been a little rough." "I know you think he's a total screw up, but he is a really good person." "You're right." "Sometimes I do forget that." "I think we should acknowledge his heroic efforts, don't you?" "Cupcakes!" "Or something even more special like one big cake." "Maybe we can go even bigger." " We should have a press conference." " Yeah!" "OK!" "I'll get right on it." "[Imitates bird cawing]" "Where've you been?" "Waiting for Christina to go to the bathroom." "That woman retains water like a two-humped camel." "Speaking of humps, I think I discovered what dear old Fey Sommers used this secret room for." " Look." " No." "Either that or she had a unique take on casual Fridays." "You don't think Fey and Bradford would sneak in here and..." "Thank you for that image." "Now every time I look," "I'll picture him trussed up like a goose with a ball gag in his mouth." "Inhale Ricky Martin, exhale Colin Farrell." "I still can't get over this place." "It is like four times the size of my studio." "OK, we tell no one about this." "Except for the occasional delivery guy who we lure in to open his packages." "You are a very bad boy." " Again." " Bad boy." " Again." " Bad boy." " Again." " OK, this is creepy, even for us." "Can you believe it?" "That pathetic loser stole my story." "Your story?" "When I was 14, I was the one who rescued a kid from drowning in Central Park." "I even hit my head on a rock." "So, how do you think Daniel got that shiner?" "Beats me." "But something tells me he won't want it in the press." " Daniel!" "Hi." "What are those?" " Just a mint." " I've never seen them so small..." " There's Henry." "Why don't you go make awkward small talk with your friend?" "Oh, my God." "Give me a mint." "What?" "No, you don't need one." "Daniel, I just had an onion bagel." "Betty, your breath..." "is fresh as a daisy." "Hi." "Oh, hi." "OK, "ringle" is my new favorite word." "And, for the record, I know it's you when you say "It's me."" "Thanks." " Can we talk?" " Yeah." "Somewhere private?" "OK, I have something to tell you and then I'm probably gonna throw up, so I'm apologizing in advance." "Could we please just have one minute?" " Uh-huh." " Thank you." "I did a lot of thinking..." "I did a lot of thinking while I was in Mexico, and I realized you rarely get everything you want in life, but if you don't fight for it then you have even less of a chance." "So, here I am... fighting for you." " Wow." " You're still with Charlie, but..." "OK, seriously, just 30 more seconds, please?" "I think you and I would be amazing." "We know what the other one's thinking, and we always laugh at the same things." "You make my mouth go dry every time you walk into a room." " Betty..." " The only thing I ask, when you reject me, do it quick." "Like ripping a Band-Aid off." "Off of my heart." "I broke up with Charlie." "What?" "Will you forget the stupid copies?" "There are lives going on in here!" " You were saying?" " She's not the one for me, Betty." "There's someone else that makes my mouth go dry." "Who is hogging the... [gasps]" " Eww!" "Dorkus interruptus." " Get out!" "Hey everyone!" "Betty's in heat." "This isn't exactly how I pictured this." "You're right." " We need to have a real date." " Our first date?" "The first date." "[Man] Is that the guy who looks like C-3PO?" " Is tomorrow night at 8:00 OK?" " That's great." "OK." "Don't put that in your mouth, I just cleaned my nails with it... kidding." "They're totally sterile." "So, Betty Suarez." "You're Dr. Farkas' patient?" "Yeah, but I'm just here today for a cleaning." "I have my first date tonight with a guy I'm crazy about and I want my teeth to sparkle." "Oh, my God." "That is so romantic." "It's like when Julia Roberts flossed before whoring herself in Pretty Woman." "Such a great movie." "And an important message." "OK, I just checked her file." "She had a cleaning two months ago." "Her insurance will only cover this every six months." "Oh, rinse and spit, Angelica." "Just put it through." "Where's your sense of romance?" "She's doing this for the man she loves." " We should give you pink rubber bands." " Oh, yeah, that would be really fun." "Dentistry is not about fun." "You always think you can bend all the rules because you're pretty and blond." "Is she OK?" "She's just mad because we had a nitrous party here and didn't invite her!" " That was unethical and costly." " Back to your cage, Shrek!" "Don't worry about her." "Just believe in the magic." "You are totally Bridget Jones!" "Did you see that movie?" "That is such a great movie." "I mean one." "Two was a little... ehh!" "Let me see." "Yep, looks like we have a little cavity on Mr. Lower Left Six." "We can get you Novocained up and a dentist here in two secs." "No." "No." "No, no Novocain, please." "I'll come back tomorrow." "It's just that if my lips are gonna be tingly tonight I want it to be because of Henry." "You are such a chick flick." "I would totally pay $12 to see you." " Really?" " Yes." " You don't like the white?" " No, I like the white." " So, what's wrong with the red?" " I'm gonna eat a cupcake." "Mom?" "Can you run lines with me?" "In case something bad happens to Joey Colano and I have to go on as Tony." "I am his understudy..." "Forget about West Side Story for two minutes, I'm trying to plan a wedding." "Right, best man." "What, you don't want to help?" "I told Mom if she went with green organza for the bridesmaids, she was on her own." "OK, I'm thinking we do this at Our Lady of Guadalupe church, next to the gas station." "See if we can get Fat Louie or Bad Skin Louie to DJ." "I want St. Patrick's Cathedral and the Harlem Boys Choir releasing doves." "Tia Consuela's House of Pork and Beans is giving us a deal on a buffet!" "And the medallions of lamb should be followed by the foie gras en terrine." "Book Mario Testino." "Have him photograph the whole thing in sepia tones." "And we put one of these on every table, and bam, the whole wedding's covered!" "I love you." "I love me." "Wow, I walk away for a hot second and you look five years younger." " Woman, are you aging backwards?" " What happened?" "Little glitch." "Teeny, tiny, Cindy Crawford mole-sized problem." "It looks like St. Patrick's Cathedral's already booked on June 16th." " What?" " What do you get from St. Patrick's?" "Bad incense and a bunch of guilty men in dresses." "Wilhelmina Slater is marrying Bradford Meade." "This wedding has to be an event." "That's the only date that works." "Bump the other bride." "Actually, it's, um our top advertiser, Fabia." "Fabia?" "That little Euro-wench is getting married?" "And she got Elton John to sing for the wedding." "He's rewritten Candle in the Wind just for her." "What?" "He was rewriting Candle in the Wind for me!" "Give that queen $20 and she'll rewrite it for anybody." "Get Fabia over here." "Wedding Summit '07... is on!" "Daniel!" "Please follow me." "There's someone in your office I'd like you to meet." "What's that look?" "You've got that look." "What, you think you know my looks?" "Surprise!" "That's so sweet, you know my looks." " What is all this?" " You saved a Girl Scout." "You're being honored." "You could use the good press." "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Daniel Meade, fashion editorlhero." " This is for you." " Oh, thank you." "I don't know what to say..." "Start by letting everyone know the exact details of how you saved the kid in the lake." "I saw this Girl Scout, she fell in the lake and I saved her." " What time of day?" " Morning." " Wouldn't she be in school?" " Maybe she was skipping." " Do Girl Scouts skip school?" " [All] No!" "And how'd you hit your head?" "Just slipped on the rocks when I was getting out of the lake." "I thought you hit your head as you dove in." "I think he's lying." "Is it good to lie?" "[Girls] No!" "[Shutters clicking]" "Would you help me up?" "Give me one reason why I should do this." "$50,000 deposited in your daughter's account." "Take the candy bar, please." "Nice work, bitch." "What happened to "Fish"?" ""Fish" becomes "Bitch" after two weeks." "Oh, my God, you got beat up by a drug dealer?" "Look, he just took some money and one very expensive watch which I really didn't like anyway." "But that's it, I'm fine." " It's not like I'm gonna use him again." " Use him?" "Daniel, what about the drugs?" "Come on, it's more like medicine." "Except I buy it from a guy who has a shaved head and a neck tattoo." "Don't look at me like that." "I'm still able to work." "I'm not using sex to avoid my problems." "You're using drugs to avoid your problems." " Bye!" "See ya!" " I know, I know." "You're disappointed in me." "No, Daniel, I am so past disappointed." "Fabia." "Why is Fabia here today?" "I thought I had my meeting for my cosmetics layout tomorrow." "Well, I couldn't wait to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials." "Grazie." "I had them done for the wedding." "Here's a picture of my boyfriend." "Dimitri is the largest shipping magnate in world!" "I love him!" "I need to marry him before his bambinos cut me out of will." "A love story for the ages." "You must come to the ceremony." "I wouldn't be able to get married without my "something old."" "With the veins in your legs, you already have your "something blue."" "I'm just sick I can't be there." "I'm also getting married on the 16th to, um..." "Bradford Meade." "Big fish." "It's too bad you won't be able to get married at St. Patrick's Day Cathedral." "So this is how we're going to play it?" "Oh, poor Wilhelmina." "I suppose you're going to have to change your wedding date." " Or do a quickie in Las Vegas." " Wilhelmina Slater does not do Vegas." "Now, I want my St. Patrick's and I want my Elton John!" "There must be something you want in exchange for the 16th." " I don't know..." " Anything." "I want that girl." "[Betty] He's going to hate it, Dad." "What do I do?" "[Ignacio] Add cilantro." "I don't think I got cilantro." "Can I just add extra cheese?" "You didn't buy chili powder and you used ketchup, so why not?" "Dad, this has to turn out great." "It's my first date with Henry." "I remember the first time your mother made me dinner." "It tasted like shoe leather, but I didn't care, because she made it." "How do you make shoe leather?" "Because I think that might be better." "You have nothing to prove." "He already loves you." "Dad, I miss you." "When are you coming home?" "I'll be home before you know it, Betty." "Be strong." "And remember the most important thing there are take-out menus on top of the fridge." " I love you." " I love you, too." "Te quiero." "You're early!" "Charlie?" "What are you doing here?" "I called Henry at the office, the receptionist said he'd be here." "Yeah." "I'm just making him dinner." "Oh, really?" "Well, I have something in the oven, too." "I'm pregnant." " You're pregnant?" " I leave for Tucson tomorrow." "I thought he should know as soon as possible." "And ruining your date?" "A nice little bonus." "Pink Gerber daisies for my lady." " What are you doing here?" " Can we step outside and talk?" "You should talk to her." "[Hilda] Oh, Hilda, you are so hot." "You know I am." "[Justin] Mom!" "I'm Tony!" "I'm Tony!" "Sweetie, I know you want the part, but you can't shriek it into existence." "No, that was Mr. Weaver on the phone." "Joey Colano woke up totally covered in hives!" "Isn't that great?" "That poor kid." "He had an allergic reaction to the walnuts he ate." "Well, if he's allergic, why did he eat them?" "It's not my fault he wanted to trade sandwiches." "I didn't put walnuts in your chicken salad." "Oh, I think I did." "Rachael Ray says it adds a little crunch." "What is with the third degree?" "Your son is Tony!" "Be happy!" "He wouldn't." "Christina, I'm going out of my mind." "He said he was gonna call, he hasn't called." "And Charlie's flight leaves to Tucson tonight." "I can't sleep, I can't eat." " Well, I can't sleep." " Betty." "Because she's pregnant doesn't mean he's getting back with the whore." "Sorry, was that a bit harsh?" "I'm just trying to be supportive." "Oh, my God." "It's a text message from Henry." ""Can we talk?"" " It's good." "Men never want to talk." " OK." "Wish me luck." "Where did you come from?" "Nowhere." "You weren't there a second ago." "Yes, I was." "How drunk are you?" "What is that?" "What is that?" "No!" "No, this is my special place!" "Oh, my God!" "It's Fey's love dungeon!" "It's real!" "And now my special place is ruined!" "Oh, please." "Your special place was ruined years ago." "OK, you've seen it." "Get out." "Oh, no." "Oh my God." "It's jammed shut." "We're locked in." "Oh, no, no, no, no!" "We can't be!" "We're not locked in!" " Help!" " Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "So, that's it?" "You're leaving Mom after 38 years?" "Now, when she needs you more than ever?" "For what?" "So you can be alone?" "Actually, I don't intend to be alone." "What are you talking about?" "I've been lucky to find someone that loves me." "I'd be a fool to let that pass me by." " Who is it?" " Hello, Daniel." "Wilhelmina?" "Call me "Mommy."" "I don't know what else to do." "It's my baby." "Betty, I grew up without a father." "I can't do that to my child." " I have to go to Tucson with them." " No, no, Henry, I get that." "You know, I just thought that for one day, we were finally and I was..." "I was happy." "I was too." "I guess that would've been too easy, huh?" "So, when do you and Charlie leave?" "Tonight." "Oh, so, I guess..." "I guess this is..." "I want you to have a really wonderful life." "You deserve it." "And for this layout, Fabia had vision." "All the models should look like they're suffering from sickness of radiation, like Chernobyl." "But this time, it is my makeup that makes them glow!" "That's just... brilliant." "We'll have a storyboard ready by next week." "Come on, baby." "Picchu made brown." "Marco, clean it up." "Ciao." "Marc." "I didn't get a chance to explain, but..." " Are you smoking?" " Yes." "She makes me." " And she makes me eat pasta." " Well, you do look heavy." "What's wrong with your eyes?" "Fabia doesn't believe in testing her products on animals." "But she does believe in testing them on assistants." "Disgraceful." "What about the insurance?" " Full dental." " Good." " Yeah." " [Fabia] Marco!" "Well." "I hope June 16th was worth it." "[Dave Koz, featuring Vanessa Williams:" "The Way We Were]" "Marc!" "Mom!" "I've lost it!" "I go on in two hours and I can't snap!" "What kind of gang member can't snap?" "You're going to snap, all right." "Relax." "Eat something." "Look, I made you a pizza bagel." "Did Angela Lansbury eat a pizza bagel before she opened in Sweeney Todd?" "All I got was "pizza bagel."" "You know what, kid, you're gonna do great tonight." " You'll be there, right?" " Of course, I wouldn't miss it." "OK." "Hey." "Spit on your fingers." "Dad, it's "Break a Leg" not "Spit on your Fingers."" "No, no." "It helps, watch." "Attaboy." " Hey." " Are you lost again?" "Your office is two whores down." " No, I just came to say goodbye." " OK." "See you tomorrow." "No, you won't." "I'm..." "I'm actually gone." "I just..." "I'm quitting." "Oh... here, here's my pen." " What are you babbling about?" " There's nothing left here." "I mean, Mom's going to be in jail for who knows how long." "Dad just told me about him and Milawheina, they're probably gonna have some devil child together." " OK, I'm lost." " But the funny thing is I don't have anyone to turn to." "I guess it's not very funny, is it?" " Daniel, you're loaded." " Oh, just admit it, you hate me!" "[Glass crashing]" "And now the Girl Scouts hate me." "But the thing is, I don't hate you." "You want to know a secret?" "When I thought you were dead," "I used to go visit your grave every Sunday." "Sometimes I still want to because I still miss you." "Daniel, seriously, what did you take, and how many?" "It was, like... seven." "I mean, I've taken, like, 12 before, just not with this much booze." "Hey Alexis, I have the art department on line one..." " I hope he's not driving." " I'm taking him to Pine Crest." "I need a Towncar." "Now!" "Paula Abdul's fragrance release party is tonight." "Cars are booked solid." "Then run down to the valet and get the keys to my dad's car." "Wait, I have to go to Paula's party." "Now she's going to hate me too." "You ask me, I think she trapped him." "You know she poked a hole in that condom." "I'm not interested in hearing the specifics right now." " So, you ready for a little nitrous?" " No thank you." "I want to feel the pain." "Oh, I hate this girl." "What's her name so I can hate her with a name?" " Charlie." " Charlie!" "Charlie?" "That's funny." "Dr. Farkas has been dating a Charlie for like two months now." "Well, it can't be the same Charlie because she's been with Henry." "This one's a cute red-head." "She makes jewelry." "She made all the girls in the office this." "I hate it, but Farkas was in." "Oh, my God!" "This is Henry's Charlie!" "I took Dr. Farkas to Charlie's birthday party!" "Oh, my God!" "I introduced them!" "So, she's been cheating?" "Charlie's a cheater!" "You know what?" "Forget I said anything." "I just keep talking when I shouldn't be talking." " A little of me goes a long way." " Do you know what this means?" " No." " Maybe the baby isn't Henry's!" "So Henry, call me back." "I really need to talk to you." "Leaving a message on his cell?" "You're telling the man you love his girlfriend's baby might not be his." "Would Reese Witherspoon leave a message?" " Reese Witherspoon?" " Or Drew Barrymore?" "No, I don't think those women are calling Henry." "They're halfway to the airport to stop that plane and declare their love!" "Maybe I do escape to the movies more often than I should, but" " this is your movie, Betty!" " It is?" " Your chance for the happy ending!" " Yeah!" "Go home and put on some totally cute top and run a brush through that hair, or maybe a hat, and go and stop that plane!" "You're Drew Barrymore!" "I have my nephew's show tonight, I don't know Henry's flight number." " What about security?" " Drew Barrymore!" " Lorraine, I need graphics!" " Coming right up, Ms. Slater." "What happened to you, Lorraine?" "You suddenly seem more feminine." "Fabia fired me." "No explanation." "She just put out a cigarette on my arm and said "Get out!"" "So, I'm free and ready to come back to work, if you'll have me." "Well, you do already know how I like my coffee." "Not to mention your plot to destroy Daniel and convince Bradford to divorce Claire and marry you so you could take over." "Yeah, that, too." "Welcome back, darling." "So, what's on the agenda?" "A wedding to plan, June 16th is around the corner, I have to get my shoes dyed." "I changed the wedding." "We aren't getting married until November." "What?" "But I thought you wanted..." " Willie..." " What?" "Did you give Fabia back the 16th in exchange for me?" "I just realized that my colors were better suited for a fall wedding." " You did not just hug me." " Of course I didn't." "And I never told anybody this, but his name was Bill Cosby." "You didn't." "I have the audio tape to prove it." "He has a very distinctive voice." "You know, we've been talking a lot about me." " And it's been fun..." " You want to know one of my secrets?" "You want to kiss me, don't you?" "Back in Scotland, I have a husband." " You just got 10% more interesting." " He's an insurance auditor." " OK, five percent." " Oh, believe me, it was less." "The only time it got exciting was when he'd come home drunk and he'd start throwing the furniture around." "So one morning, I woke up," "I made Stuart his breakfast, and off I went to the airport." "To this day, he has no idea where I am." "There is so much more to you than that accent." " You can kiss me now if you want to." " You are all about sex, aren't you?" "You do not have one secret that's not about sex." "I do have one." "The woman whose room this is..." "was a friend of my family's." "What?" "You knew Fey Sommers before you got this job?" "It's how I got this job." "My dad handled her money." "And he asked her to hook me up after my acting career... hit a bit of a snag and voila, the birth of lifetime receptionist Amanda Tanen." "We should toast to secrets." "Empty." "Up we go..." "Hello." "Hey, how you doing?" "I'm looking for something for my kid." "He's in a school play." "I don't know, like a card or something." "He's always wanted those teeth whitening strips." "We're all out." "You should go." "Oye, chico, what are you talking about?" "Don't move!" "Ooh, ooh!" "Try today's date." "Why would Fey Sommers use today's date?" "You tell me!" "We've tried her birthday, we've tried her address..." "Her measurements." " I don't know them." " I do." "Her real ones." " [Both gasp]" " Ooh!" "What's in there?" "I want money and jewelry!" " Looks like her diary." " Reading?" "What else is there?" "Just a lot of photos." "Look, who's the fat baby?" "Wait, that's me." "Why would Fey have pictures of me in her safe?" " What?" " It's a birth certificate." "It says Fey Sommers was your mother." "[Labored breathing]" "Excuse me, sir..." "Excuse me!" "We have a situation back here!" "This woman is a diabetic and she is going into hypoglycemic shock!" "[Man] All right, everyone stay seated." "I'm coming back with a med kit." "OK, stay still..." " Let go of me!" " Get his gun!" "Get the damn gun!" "You're going to have to stop struggling, sir, because this is happening." "OK, we're almost at the hospital, Daniel." "Stay with me." "You know, I never wanted us to end up like this." "I mean, you're my kid brother." "I don't know how all this got so screwed up but I I really want us to be there for each other again." "Wow." "You're driving really fast." " Yeah, what's the matter with these..." " You should probably slow down." "I can't." " Oh, God!" "The brakes!" "Son of a bitch!" " What..." "He cut the brakes on Bradford's car!" " [Alexis] Oh, my God!" " [Car crashing]" "[Singing Something's Coming]" " Hurry up!" " Don't hurt him!" " [Gunshot] - [Gasp]" "I need the gate number for the 9:00 flight to Tucson." " [Loud knocking at door]" " Just one more minute!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I thought you were my cab." "I'm looking for a Hilda Suarez." "[Pilot] Flight attendants, please prepare for departure." "I didn't believe hard enough." "Loving is enough." "[Justin] Not here." "They won't let us be." "[Girl] Then we'll get away." "Yes, we can." "We will." "There was a gun." "He got shot." "No!" "No, Betty!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "[Somewhere from West Side Story]" "[Sobbing]"