"( theme song playing )" "Now, how much would you and your men care to give to the Winter Relief Fund?" "Are you kidding?" "We want you to lose the war, remember?" "There..." "There is nothing you would care to give?" "Yeah, a little advice:" "Surrender." "Hogan, you're being very uncooperative." "I had hoped that we would set an example for some of the other stalags, but I can see that... ( planes flying overhead )" "KLINK:" "Bombers." "HOGAN:" "Yeah, and plenty of 'em." "Ah, our great and glorious Luftwaffe is on its way to destroy England." "Better have your monocle checked, Commandant." "That's our gang up there." "SCHULTZ:" "Yes, he's right." "I can see the markings on the plane." "Did I ask you?" "In about a half an hour, your favorite beer hall in Berlin is going to be missing." "The planes are heading north by northeast at approximately 3,000 feet." "At the moment, German antiaircraft batteries are firing with deadly accuracy." "Just a minute, folks, there is a development." "One of the bombers has been hit." "The parachutes are opening." "The crew is bailing out." "I estimate the plane will crash near Stalag 13." "Near Stalag 13." "LeBEAU:" "Hey, let's get out of here." "Come on, let's go." "Yes, the plane is going to crash at Stalag 13." "Beautiful shooting." "You lost a plane, Hogan." "We may have lost a plane, but we found a great radio announcer." "Boy, what a wreck." "Those guys were lucky to bail out." "KINCH:" "Yeah." "Nobody could've walked away from that one." "LeBEAU:" "Anything there we could use, Colonel?" "I don't think so-- we got enough ashtrays." "I could sneak out tonight and see if there's anything to salvage." "Have you met our local junk dealer?" "Forget it." "Give the Germans something to play with." "LeBEAU:" "Uh-oh." "They brought you something else to play with." "You have been brought to the toughest P.O.W. camp in all of Germany, and I warn you..." "Obey the rules and regulations or suffer the consequences." "I was just going to say that." "You know, Commandant, maybe you ought to have cards printed." "Hogan, I'm conducting this interrogation, if you don't mind." "What Colonel Hogan says is true-- obey, or else." "Okay." "Okay, what?" "Do I have to call him "sir"?" "I know it's hard to believe, but he is a colonel." "Hogan!" "Sir." "KLINK:" "That's better." "Now, Captain, what is your flying group and where are you stationed?" "Mitchell, comma, John, comma," "Captain, United States Army Air Force." "Serial number 087670..." "Please, let's have none of that name, rank and serial number stuff." "Just tell me where you were stationed." "Speak up or I'll be forced to... ( phone ringing )" "Colonel Klink speaking." "Oh, yes, sir." "Yes, General." "Yes, sir." "Yes, it's a pleasure to hear from you." "Yes, sir, I sent you the S-23 forms, just as you requested." "I'm always at your disposal, sir." "Heil Hitler." "Hand it over." "Hand what over?" "Hogan." ""Must talk to you." "How?"" "What's so important?" "Speak up." "All right, three days solitary confinement." "That'll make you talkative." "Solitary for not answering a question?" "Why, you louse...!" "Hold it!" "Wouldn't talk to the commandant that way." "Commandant?" "He's just a Kraut to me." "Four days solitary confinement." "You...!" "Look, before you ask for a week, try solitary." "You might not like it." "You gonna let him get away with this?" "No, I intend to make a strong protest." "Colonel Klink, as senior P.O.W. officer here, I protest." "Colonel Hogan, as commandant of Stalag 13, your protest has been noted." "Thank you." "Sergeant Schultz?" "Jawohl, Herr Kommandant." "Take this man to the cooler." "Thanks, Colonel." "You've been a big help." "Look, buddy, I'm only an employee of this war, just like you." "( knocking on window )" "( knocking continues )" "For me?" "For me, my little friend?" "Yes, Schultzy." "Hold this." "Mmm." "Mmm..." "Wunderbar, wunderbar." "They are so light and good." "They don't even taste like potato pancakes." "Merci." "Bon appétit." "Tunneling into jail?" "Anybody can tunnel out of jail." "Amazing." "A Frenchman who knows how to make our pancakes." "If you wanted to, you could be a German." "Mmm." "Maybe in the next war." "How do you like our little motel?" "Charming." "Yeah, the guidebook gives it four stars with a skull and crossbones." "Well, at least it's the safest place to talk." "You got me in here purposely?" "I'll try to get Klink to release you in a day or so." "Colonel?" "What?" "What about my crew?" "They're at Stalag 4." "Now, you wanted to talk to me." "What is it?" "The DF box in my plane." "DF box?" "Direction Finder." "It's top secret." "There's an underground transmitting station in France, another in England." "The box is tuned to the signals." "And where the beams cross, you can get a position fix." "Right." "Orders are to destroy the box if captured." "The destruct mechanism failed." "I was hoping the plane would burn when it crashed." "Well, it didn't." "The forward fuselage is still intact." "That's trouble." "The Germans find that box, analyze it..." "They could figure a way to jam your signals." "But every day they don't have it saves men and planes." "Somebody's got to steal that DF box before they get wise to it." "All right, look-- sketch the box." "Any details and dimensions, if you know them." "Yes, sir." "One more thing." "The next time you bail out, pick another stalag." "About the size of a small Red Cross package, I'd say." "He shows a place there for a wire or a cable attachment." "And what's that terminal?" "That hooks onto the plane's radio system." "That other wire's for the electrical power to the generator." "Pretty simple hookup." "Yep." "We're going to try for that DF box tonight." "What?" "!" "Good luck." "Oh, that's a nice surprise." "Colonel, the Krauts are guarding that wreck." "With a single guard." "Kinch and LeBeau get into the fuselage and cut that box loose." "Who's going to cut the Kraut loose?" "That's Carter and Newkirk's part of the operation." "Lovely." "You'll all go out through the emergency tunnel." "Kinch and LeBeau wait." "Newkirk, you'll be in an officer's uniform." "Carter, you'll be a private." "That's how I started my army career." "Hey, hey, just a minute." "If we get caught in German uniforms, it's not the cooler, you know." "It's "What will you have for your last meal?"" "With any luck, we'll be able to do the job." "Just remember, when the time comes, move fast." "Yeah, I'd like to start moving now, if you don't mind-- in the opposite direction." "Guard, you are relieved." "Return to your quarters." "The Gestapo is taking over." "Captain." "What are you doing here?" "Abend, Major." "I said what are you doing here?" "We're just checking up and out." "Heil Hitler." "Heil Hitler." "Heil Hitler." "Heil Hitler." "KLINK ( over radio ):" "Major Feldkamp, I don't understand." "Why is it necessary for the Gestapo to take over?" "Because we don't often find an enemy plane in this condition, and the Air Ministry is very interested in having a look at it." "Well, I can handle this responsibility myself." "The Gestapo has its orders, and anyone who interferes with us can find the results very chilling." "I expect your full cooperation, Colonel." "I will be very chilling." "I mean, I'll be very cooperative." "Good." "Berlin is sending an aviation engineering expert to inspect the wreckage and to remove any equipment he feels may be useful for research." "Perhaps you know of him-- Dr. Wolfgang Becker?" "Oh, yes, I know him very well." "We met a few years ago, at one of Marshal Goring's parties at his hunting lodge." "And, I, uh..." "Of course I have read about Dr. Becker in the newspapers." "Klink always picks the wrong name to drop." "I have a copy here of Dr. Becker's file-- details of his work, his past, that sort of thing." "You will familiarize yourself with it, find out everything you can about him." "I understand." "So I can talk to him intelligently." "Ja, so that you can talk to him inte..." "Well, who knows?" "Wolfgang Becker." "Sounds like something you eat with beer." "He must really be a big shot scientist." "Mm-hmm." "Boy, he'll probably have that DF box analyzed in about three days." "Unless we can get it away from him." "And how does one do that, pray tell?" "I'll answer that as soon as we have a look at his file." "All right, time to go." "Oh, believe you me, Schultz, I'm ready." "Hey, come on, LeBeau, knock it off!" "Yes, LeBeau, let's go!" "Raus!" "Raus, LeBeau!" "Raus!" "Where are you?" "LeBeau!" "Hey, come on, LeBeau." "Louis?" "LeBeau, are you in there?" "Boy..." "How do you like that?" "He must have sneaked out." "SCHULTZ:" "What do you mean?" "I didn't see him." "What's the matter, Schultz?" "Did you see LeBeau go out?" "I was working at my desk." "He could have gone out." "He even left his broom." "Boy, he's always goofing off." "Pardon me." "I'll put him on report." "Well, there's no need to get drastic about it." "Leave it to me, you understand?" "Raus!" "Sheesh." "Specialty: aerodynamics and aircraft engineering." "There's a long list of university degrees here." "Skip it." "Hey, everybody knows he's brilliant." "He's an early Party member, married, with two children, and the family lives in Hannover." "He doesn't drink or smoke, and he's never been known to be involved with any woman but his wife." "What do you do with a man like that?" "Bury him." "He's known to be an inveterate gambler-- frequently seen at the casino at Baden-Baden." "He's never been in debt as a result of his gambling habits, but it may be considered his hobby." "That's big help, that is." "Yeah, nothing here for us, Colonel." "I'm not so sure;" "not so sure." "He's going to be here in just a short time, working on that wreck." "Now, our first problem is to keep him here." "Carter, could you build a DF box like the one on the plane?" "A phony?" "I could try." "We've got that drawing that the captain gave you." "All right, good." "While Carter's building that box, we're going to be building a gambling casino." "Colonel?" "I'm busy, Hogan;" "dismissed." "For the Relief Fund." "Mmm." "Ten marks-- I'm touched." "Yeah, so were the boys when I took it from them." "You mean, they gave to the Winter Relief Fund voluntarily?" "Well, more or less." "We were playing poker and we cut some money from the pots." "Gambling is against regulation-- except for charitable purposes." "It's no wonder they made you chairman of the fund." "How are the contributions going, sir?" "Ah, this is the first one." "You're kidding." "Hmm." "How can people be so unfeeling?" "I mean, charity should transcend even the hatred of war." "Beautifully put, sir." "Beautifully put." "Something to think about on those 40-below-zero nights." "What 40-below-zero nights?" "Oh, come on." "You're chairman of the fund." "It's a flop, big boys won't do anything yet." "Yet?" "But when they start making up that next transfer list to the Russian Front, some wise guy's bound to say," ""You know, Klink was a lousy chairman." "Maybe he'd do better at Stalingrad."" "They would never send me to the Russian Front." "Not in a million years." "No, not in a million years." "But how about next week?" "If only I could raise the money for the Winter Relief Fund." "Yeah, better think of something, sir." "Ja." "Anything?" "My mind is a blank, absolutely a blank." "Situation normal." "( chuckling )" "Let us confine ourselves to ideas, not to insults." "Yeah, sorry, sir." "You did it so simply." "A card game, a few marks at a time." "You could do the same thing, sir." "I could?" "Sure." "Set up a casino right here in camp-- roulette, poker, blackjack." "Chemin de fer..." ""Colonel Klink invites you to a night in Monte Carlo."" "Yes!" "And invite officers from other stalags." "Oh, brilliant." "And the Winter Relief Fund gets a good hefty cut of the action." "But a casino, right here?" "In Barracks 9." "It's empty." "You set up a few roulette, poker, blackjack tables, fix the place up-- the works." "Hogan, why are you suddenly so cooperative?" "To keep the prisoners occupied." "And they may pick up a few tips from the winners." "I see." "All right." "Go and get started at once." "Good." "I knew I would come up with a clever idea if I only tried." "Funny, I had that feeling, too." "Okay, run the carpet now, eh?" "And go and get the chairs, eh?" "Come on, come on, do it faster." "Dr. Wolfgang Becker, I presume." "It's not my cousin from Milwaukee." "LeBeau, since you'll be doing the cooking for him, find out what room they put him in, huh?" "Oui, Colonel." "Carter, we'll need a passkey." "You got it, boy." "Uh, Colonel." "Kinch, he'll probably start working on the plane right away, so keep an eye on him, huh?" "Right." "( no audio )" "No question about it." "He's found it." "Quick work." "He only got here yesterday." "Kinch, you sure?" "According to the description you gave us, yeah." "Carter?" "Is that it?" "Hey." "Almost identical, I'd say." "Hmm." "You did a good job, Carter." "Yeah, you sure did." "All right, look, we're going to try for the real one tonight." "The casino opens, I'll invite Becker over." "Klink and Feldkamp will already be there, and, uh, Becker's quarters will be empty." "We'll use the passkey and substitute the dummy for the real box, right?" "Good plan, Colonel." "Simple." "You've sold us, Colonel." "Yeah." "Now, which one of you is going to sell me?" "NEWKIRK:" "All right, get your money down, folks." "( indistinct conversation )" "All right, number three." "Folks, get your money down." "Get your... bets there." "All right, and it's another bet there." "Well, looks like you got a winner, Commandant." "( chuckling )" "It will be the greatest collection ever made to the Winter Relief Fund." "Colonel Wilhelm Klink, Chairman." "( chuckling )" "Where's Dr. Becker?" "He might enjoy this." "Unfortunately, he's leaving for Berlin tonight." "What's the rush?" "How would I know?" "Scientists are always rushing someplace." "Oh, excuse me." "Hello, my dear!" "( chuckling )" "Bad news, Colonel." "I know, I just had it from the pit boss." "A Luftwaffe plane will pick up Becker at Amelburg Airport, 10:00." "That's two hours." "Where is he?" "With Feldkamp at Klink's quarters." "And one more little detail." "You're just filled with good news, aren't you?" "He has the box in his briefcase, attached to his wrist with a chain." "Oh, great." "We'll have to make a grab for it here, then." "You're kidding." "Scared, yes-- kidding, no." "Listen very carefully." "Tell Carter to bring the dummy box here with four or five smoke bombs." "Uh-huh." "Have Newkirk ready to open up the briefcase." "Bring his collection of keys." "Oui, Colonel." "Have Kinch stand by." "He's going to have to knock Becker out, but not too far out, got it?" "I have; sounds like fun." "Oh, yeah" " Monte Carlo is a ball this time of year." "HOGAN:" "It'd make Colonel Klink very happy." "Ah, anything makes Klink happy." "He asked me to invite you, Doctor." "Ah, danke schon." "That is impossible." "Tell Klink to mind his own business." "That is one of the many things he does not do very well." "They're having a big time over there at Monte Carlo." "Monte Carlo?" "Roulette, blackjack, poker." "A lot of action, ja?" "House is on a losing streak." "That is enough, Hogan." "You are dismissed." "Oh, just one moment, Major." "The plane picks me up at 10:00, a few minutes to the airport..." "Oh, I could spend one hour." "It might be amusing." "I do not think it would be advisable." "Oh, of course you don't." "The house is losing, Colonel?" "Yeah, could start winning at any time." "Oh, well, then, let us go quickly." "I do feel lucky tonight." "( laughing ) The winner." "Do I have a system, or do I have a system?" "Isn't that marvelous?" "Oh, Dr. Becker!" "Ah, roulette!" "May I help you?" "Here." "Uh, 1,000 marks." "All set?" "I'm loaded." "Here we are." "And the winner is seven black." "Oh, you're not very lucky tonight, Dr. Becker." "Action's at the roulette table." "All right." "KINCH:" "Red!" "19 red." "There's the ball for 19 red." "KLINK:" "Aha, round and round... ( laughing )" "HOGAN:" "Fire!" "( people shouting )" "Fire!" "Fire!" "LeBEAU:" "Fire!" "Dr. Becker, are you all right?" "I am fine." "He's sleeping like a baby." "Yeah." "Kinch, if he wakes up and starts crying, hit him again." "KINCH:" "Oui, mon frère." "Here we go, nice as you please." "All right, Carter, hide it in the barracks, and I mean hide it so we can't even find it." "Right, Colonel." "( coughing )" "Ah, Major Feldkamp..." "Where is Dr. Becker?" "!" "What happened, what happened?" "Oh, Colonel, here he is." "Oh!" "Oh, Dr. Becker, Dr. Becker, are you all right?" "I am so sorry, Dr. Becker." "What, what happened, Dr. Becker?" "I don't know, I..." "I seem to have passed out." "It must have been the smoke." "Oh, ja, ja, ja." "Well, there is nothing wrong." "It was just an accident." "Well, let's be thankful for that." "Oh, by the way, Doctor," "I, uh, I think you bet on number 19." "32 came up." "( chuckling ) Oh, this is too bad." "Well, at least it was all for a good cause." "Yes, it was for a good cause." "I can assure you of that." "( chuckling )" "91, 92, 93, 94." "The final count, Herr Kommandant, is 894 marks!" "Thank you, Schultz." "Correction, please-- 895 marks." "How did that get in there?" "This money was for the Winter Relief Fund, Schultz." "I'm ashamed of you." "Oh, it must have gotten stuck in my sleeve." "Static electricity." "That's how some of the world's great fortunes got started." "Schultz, dismissed." "Jawohl, Herr Kommandant." "Hogan, I'm very grateful to you." "You did a marvelous job, and as a reward, we shall give you one extra sheet of writing paper for every prisoner." "Your generosity is overwhelming, Commandant." "895 marks minus 200 marks for my expenses..." "You know, between you and Schultz," "I'm surprised you haven't stolen World War II." "Oh, this is perfectly legitimate." "I put in a lot of time, and that's worth something, and my expert knowledge as chairman-- so, I will keep the 200 marks for my expenses." "Uh, take my advice, Commandant." "Send it all to Berlin, or else." "Or else what?" "You're going to be the only officer facing a Russian tank with an expense account."