"DAD'S LAST WISH Based on true events" "No..." "No!" "Oh no..." "No, no, no..." " What are you doing?" " I missed the bowl." " Why did you do that?" " I don't know." " I can't piss straight these days." " Can I have a look at it?" "Can I?" "Oh no!" "It's completely red." "It looks really odd." "I think you should go and see the doctor." "Okay." "I'll do that." " Has this got wee on it as well?" " I'm afraid so." "I'll wash it." "There's some Ajax over there." "I have to get the lock fixed as well." " Mia says hi." " Thanks." "Say hi from me, too." "Will do." "It looks like phimosis to me." "I would recommend circumcision." " I have to get circumcised?" " Exactly." " You can put your trousers back on." " Okay." " It's weird having your nurse here." " It's standard procedure." "I like having her in here when my patients have their trousers down." "It takes the worst of the pressure off." "What's this circumcision thing going to mean to me sexually?" " A week of abstinence." " I can deal with that." "Okay." "I think I would find that hard if I was married to Mia." "I mean..." "She's a smashing girl." "We get along really well." "Which reminds me..." "She must be due   for her six-monthly gynecological check-up soon." "Tell her she'll get a letter soon so I can take a look at it." "Right." "We'll say that." "I'll pass that on to smashing Mia." "Say hi from me." "We'll get her checked as well." "Then you'll both be fit for fight." "Iben answers the phone." "She goes, "It's Ole Bornedal."" "I run in and say, "So, what do you think? " He's silent." "Then he goes, "I want to do it with you." "I do."" "I tell you..." "If this thing pans out " " I'll shit on the Town Hall Square and never return to Denmark." "United States, here we come!" "Ole knows everybody, Miramax and Nick Nolte..." " Have you talked to Ole?" " Yes!" "That's what I'm saying!" "Aren't you at all happy about this?" "I'm worried that Mia's gynecologist might be in love with her." "What are you talking about?" "We have the same doctor, you know." "I told him Mia said hi, and he told me to say hi from him." "Then it turns out he needs to give her a gynecological check-up." " A male doctor checking her pussy?" " She's always had a male doctor." "No way!" "Would you like it if he puts his fingers up her pussy?" " They use instruments..." " Trumpets?" "No, they don't." "Well, yes, for some of it." "But they use their fingers first." "Well, yes, for some of it." "But they use their fingers first." " In Mia's fanny?" " Oh yes." "Her arse as well." "That's standard procedure." "I don't know how you can live with that." "I would never allow it!" "It's decent conditions, you know." "There's a nurse present." " How do you know?" " She was there when I was in." "He thinks it's dead exciting." "He's probably ticked his diary." ""Frank Hvam's girlfriend is coming." "Great!"" "God damn it!" " Hi, honey." " Hi." "I've been to the doctor's." "It turns out I have phimosis." " Hi, Dad." " Hi, Frank." "How nice." " What a surprise." " Hi there, big boy." " Well... welcome." " Thank you very much." "I just got in on the train from darkest Jutland." "But what's that you're saying?" "You were yelling..." " I'm going to be circumcised." " Do they cut off the tip, then?" " They have to nip off the foreskin." " Don't let them take too much." "Frank's mum and I thought he had the smallest willie we'd ever seen." "Maybe it's grown big and strong." "I'd have to ask Mia about that..." " We feared he would be infertile." " How about a beer, honey?" " There's nothing wrong with it." " No?" "That's good." " Are you hungry, Niels?" " No." "I had some food on the train." " I think Dad has to go anyway." " Alright, alright..." " I've been offered a bed tonight." " Oh." "That's good." "What's your willie going to look like?" "It'll be me with or without the turtle-neck, I guess." "Won't there be any..?" "They're going to take off all the loose stuff." "It's like an eye without the eyelid, if you can imagine that." " Teis says hi, by the way." " Who?" " Our doctor." " Oh." "Thanks." "He says you get along really well." "Why would he say that?" " He said you were smashing." " Well, I am." "Yes, of course." "It just sounds weird, coming from him." "He went straight from "Mia and I get along really well"   to "Which reminds me that it's time for her pussy check-up"." "Oh." "I think it's gross that you call it "a pussy check-up"." "The word itself is not as gross as the actual pussy check-up." "Does he use instruments or what?" "He inserts this instrument and expands it, so he can look inside." " He expands it?" " Yes, so that he can see." " Does that turn you on or what?" " What do you think, Frank?" "I like it when you expand my bits." "I just find it really strange that his train of thought goes from   "Mia and I get along well" to "Mia needs a gynecological check-up."" "It's a strange way of thinking." "Bordering on sick, if you ask me." "If anyone's sick around here it's you, Frank." "I have phimosis." "But my other head is fine." "I can't see what the problem is." "I'd like you to get a new doctor." "For my sake." "There's something weird about Teis." " Good night, honey." " Good night." " What are you doing?" " Oh, still up?" "I'm watching TV, as you can see." " Christ!" "You're watching porn?" " Yes." "What's wrong with that?" "Can't you at least turn down the sound like normal men do?" "Yes, if it bothers you." "But the sound is an important part of it." "I've never watched porn before." "I like it." " Just keep the volume down, okay?" " I will." " I would never have guessed." " I know. 75 years old!" " Dirty old man..." " I couldn't even put him in a home." " Good morning." " Morning." "Did you sleep well?" "No." "I can't say that I have, now that you ask." "Unfamiliar sounds and an unfamiliar bed..." " Could I have some coffee?" " I'm off to work." " Bye, darling." " Bye, sweetheart." "Maybe you should try switching off the TV next time." " It was very interesting, though." " Yes?" "I must admit, I'm not used to watching porn movies." "They did things which your mum and I have never tried." "We were much more traditional." "It's exciting to watch that stuff." "It gave me quite a sizzling sensation." "Especially the scene where she put Mr. Winkie in her mouth." " Oh." "That scene." "I see." " Yes." " Can I have one of those?" " Yes." " Tell me..." "Have you tried it?" " I'm not going to answer that!" "I just wanted to ask if it felt good." "Of course I've tried it." "Once." "With Mia, presumably?" "I hope so." "It was quite stimulating watching those porn movies." "So I have to ask..." "Do you think you could help me find a woman who could  please me?" " My dad wants a blowjob." " Don't do that, Frank." "It's gross." " Not me..!" " That's what you said." " You said your dad wanted a blowjob." " He wants me to get a prostitute." "Oh, for God's sake!" "Do that, then." " I could use one myself, actually." " Well, let me..." " Hello?" "Hi, Casper." " Hi." "Good to see you." "I called Harvey Weinstein." "You know, the director of Miramax, "Lord of the Rings"... you name it." "I pitched it to him." "He loved the story of those two nerds running an agency." "It's a completely new thing." "I could hear him getting out his cheque book." "But talent alone is not enough." "You have to be able to perform." "Think of Hollywood as a woman." "She's just spread her legs for you." " Are you ready to jump her?" " You bet." " What about you?" " Yes." "Once Casper is finished..!" ""Hello, my name is Kirsten Dunst." "What's your name? "" " What's your name?" " Frank." "Are you ready for that?" "That's the crux of the matter." "Could you grab Tom Cruise by the balls?" "Say it." "Yes or no?" "Say it!" " I can grab Tom Cruise by the balls." " Together now." "Lick them as well!" " Count us down." " Three, two, one..." " We can lick Tom Cruise's balls!" " That's Hollywood!" "This is total nonsense." "But that's the energy you need to have." "If you've got that you can go anywhere." "No limits." "You can see that we have." "What do we do now?" " First, we go and talk to them." " Of course." "We can leave right away." "Could you stop flicking the light, please?" " Please stop." "I get these..." " Is this too light?" "Damn it." "I get these fits, you see." "Christ." " Ole is an epileptic." " Excuse me." "I'll be fine." " Was it because of the light?" " No." "It's fine." " Why on earth did you do that?" " I didn't know he had epilepsy." "Of course he's got epilepsy!" " I've fixed the lock, honey!" " That's great." "Now we can have some privacy in here." " I'm off to the doctor's now." " You're going to see Teis?" "Yes." "I can't remember if it's half past or quarter past." " It's quarter past." " He's put a smiley on?" " "See you soon?" "You bet!" "Teis. "" " Give it a rest, now." "You're not going to go, are you?" "Not when he puts a smiley on." "Stop being jealous." "I'm not being jealous." "It's for your own good." " You don't want to see a man who..." " Darling... stop it." " He's obviously horny!" " Are you going to stop it now?" " I'm going with you." " No, you're not!" " I don't want you looking up my..." " It'll be nice." " Want me to come in with you?" " No." " Hi, Mia." " Hi, Teis." " How are you?" " I'm fine, thanks." " Let's take a look at it." " Good luck." " Shouldn't you be in there?" " I guess he didn't need me today." " What a coincidence." " It varies." "Today I wasn't needed." " Get out!" " I'd like to talk to my girlfriend." " Is it okay, Mia?" " Yeah." "I'll be right outside." " What do you think you're doing?" " The nurse is supposed to be here." " I'm sorry, Teis." " We're going now." "The nurse is supposed to be present when someone has their trousers down." " You didn't get away with it." " Frank, I'm a doctor." " Yeah..!" "And a gynecologist." " You didn't like having her here." "You didn't get away with it." "Nice try, though." " Frank..." " Teis." "Can't you hear how crazy it sounds, Claire?" "He gives her a hug and then a pussy check-up." " What's a "pussy check-up"?" " Well... he looks at her pussy." " Pussycat?" "He kisses it?" " No." " Oh, you mean..." " Her fanny." " How can you trust a guy like that?" " Maybe he was just being nice." "Yeah!" "Many girls don't like to have that check-up, so they get scared." "Maybe Mia was a bit scared, and he was trying to comfort her   by giving her a hug..." "Can you grab Tom Cruise by the balls?" " Say it... say it!" " I can grab Tom Cruise by the balls." " I've talked to Ole." "He's back." " Cool!" "Yeah, it's megacool." "But he was really shaken." "He says he loses brain cells every time." " You can tell from his films." " Someone must be flicking the light." " Who are you talking about?" " Ole Bornedal." "It's all working out." "Mia has got a new doctor, and Bornedal is back." " Hi, Frank." " What are you doing?" "I'm trying to solve the little problem that we talked about." "You can't just walk into a shop and ask for a blowjob, Dad!" "What else can I do, Frank?" " Come on." " You've changed your mind, then?" " Is this it?" " Yes." "What type are you looking for?" "Someone who looks like Mum?" " My dad would like a blowjob." " Alright." "No problem." " Do you have time?" " It won't be me." "It'll be Sandy." " Is she as pretty as you?" " She's prettier." " Bye, Frank." " Good luck." " What was her name again?" " Sandy." " Hi." " Hi, honey." " What are you doing here?" " I've just seen off my dad." " You what?" " He wanted a blowjob." " Have you been to a whore?" " I'll go and get him." " Then you can see for yourself." " See what?" "Stay there!" "I'll go and get him." "Dad?" "I need to get hold of my dad." " But they just got going." " There's been a death in the family." " Sandy?" " Dad, you have to come out here!" " What's happened?" " Mia is here." "Get your trousers on and come." " Oh, Sandy..." " There's no time for that." "Come on!" " Mia?" " Honey?" " Where is she?" " She's gone!" " How did you think of that?" " It was my dad's idea." " I'm just as shocked as you are." " He doesn't know Copenhagen." " Everyone knows about that place..." " Oh, they do, do they?" " I didn't know it." " They have adverts on TV2 Lorry." " I watch Lorry as well." " I've seen it somewhere else, then." " How come you know that place?" " I can't remember right now." " It's mouth-to-mouth..." " It's disgusting." "I agree." "Totally disgusting." "She was from Poland, I think." "Let's have a toast for Ole and for Hollywood!" " And for... what's her name?" " I call her Nam-Nam." " I can't remember her real name." " Cheers, Nam!" " I'm going to be circumcised." " Frank, honestly..." " It's not a secret." " Did you ask for that?" "No." "It's because he got phimosis." " You don't "get" phimosis." " It's a present..." "It's fantastic." "You're both going to love it." "Don't you know how it works?" "Go and look at Casper's, then." " Would you like to see?" " Yes, I would, actually." "Then you know what you're in for." " Is that okay with you, Frank?" " Is what okay?" " Of course it is." " That I look at Casper's..?" " Would you like to?" " I sure as hell don't!" " Come." "I'll show you a proper one." " Is it okay with you or what?" " Have fun!" " Don't you want us all to come?" "Ole, can I just ask you something?" "Can the rest of us marvel at it as well?" "Damn it, Frank." "It's locked!" "Right." "Can we come and join in?" "Time to stop!" "Now you see it, now you don't.." " What's happening?" " What's going on?" " I thought you were in there." " No." " I flicked the light twice." " What's going on?" "Ole?" "Watch out." "Oh god!" "Mia, get a pillow." " Does he need to bite on something?" " No, just leave him." " Call an ambulance!" " Can you hear me, Ole?" "Jesus Christ, Frank!" "Why the hell did you flick the light, you twat?" " I thought you and Mia were there." " So what?" "Stay off the lights!" "Gee, that looks good." "It was the right thing to do."