"The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" " Is Nibbler stoked for the show?" " He ought to be, with all the training." "Nibbler, roll over and you get a ham." "Roll over." "Roll over for the ham." "You are so adorable." "Who wants a ham?" "Zooka barooka!" "First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food!" " Five hundred dollars, you say?" " Dog food, you say?" "[SLURPS]" "That dog's gonna be hard to beat." "Look at him." "One sheep, two sheep three sheep." "[SNORES]" "But our real competition is the Hypno-Toad." "[EYES BUZZING]" "[MUTTERING]" "[EYES BUZZING]" "[CHEERING]" "Your turn, Nibbler." "Herd those sheep!" "[SHEEP BLEATING]" "Come on, Nibbler!" "[CHEWING]" "I have a late entry." "My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg." "[MIMICS THREE STOOGES]" "Faster!" "Faster!" "[ZOIDBERG HUMS]" "Ow." "Suck in that gut!" "You wanna be spayed?" "Silence, you cur!" "Puff out that brisket!" "I should be weeping!" "I'm not weeping!" "[ZOIDBERG SCREAMS]" "I love these things." "[GROWLING]" "Shake paws, Nibbler." "Come on, shake." "He might be a little hungry." "Usually, he's had more ham by now." "Shake!" "[SQUEAKS]" "[SCREAMS]" "[CATS SCREECHING]" "[SCREAMING]" "Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel and his owner, Fluffers." "Second prize, this lovely afghan, made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier!" "Second place?" "That's a fancy word for losing!" "You didn't stick your landing!" " Forgive me, my friend." " Never!" "And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler!" "Me?" "Award?" "Him?" "Me?" "Good?" "That's the eloquence you'd expect from the owner of Dumbest Pet in Show!" "And the grand prize winner:" "IN STRANGE VOICE:" "The Hypno-Toad!" "[EYES BUZZING]" "All glory to the Hypno-Toad!" "Ah, maybe they're right." "Maybe Nibbler is dumb." "Don't listen to them." "People said I was dumb, but I proved them." "Good news." "We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12." "But it's been completely destroyed." " Why is that good news?" " They paid in advance." "[SPRING TWANGS]" " Excuse me." " This is mighty strange." "First, Space Rome collapsed." "Then, Don Martin 3 went caflooie." "And now Tweenis 12." " This planet is next." " That's Earth." " The planet we live on?" " I'd hate to be those guys." "[CRIES]" "What's got into him?" "He's twitching like Zoidberg when you say "food."" "What, now?" "No!" "Nibbler, come back!" "Too bad Nibbler's not around." "I'll have to eat this raw ham myself." "Nibbler?" "Nibbler, you're scaring me." "Nibbler?" "!" "Am I going crazy?" "Have my years of hedonism caught up with me?" "Nibbler, help!" "Don't leave me here!" "LEELA:" "Nibbler?" "Could you scooch the seat up, just a little bit?" "[MUMBLES]" " Leela back yet?" " Help me!" "My heart stopped!" " You don't have one." "You're a robot." " Sure." "Right." "Robot." "Oh, Fry!" "My skin's all dry and clanky." " Well, yeah." "Robots are made of metal." " Am I a robot?" "I don't get this scam." "You already have my power of attorney." "Fry!" "[STAMMERS]" "My skin!" "Ow." "Ow." "Ow." "I'm a genius!" "Why is everyone acting so weird?" "Zoidbee want balloon!" "Want balloon now!" "Zoidbee want go outside!" "Oh, I just let you back in!" "Unbelievable!" "I thought you were a furry little moron." "But here you are flying an adorable spaceship!" "If only you could talk." "[SPEAKS IN ALIEN LANGUAGE]" "Wait!" "I understood that!" "You're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain?" "You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid?" "Oh, stupider." "And you say we're headed for your home planet where you've lived since the beginning of the universe?" "So, how did the universe begin?" "Then the meaning of existence...?" "So every religion is wrong." "[GURGLES]" "You fell!" "Hi!" "Some bad things happened." "One bad thing was  a train got crashed." "Wanna see?" "People won 't be late, though." "The governor said:" ""I'm sending in more trains."" "WOMAN:" "Go!" "MAN:" "Wait for me!" "Morbo can 't understand his Teleprompter." "How do you say the letter that looks like a man with a hat?" "It's a T. It goes:" "Tuh." "Hello, little man." "I will destroy you!" "Even the news monster is acting strange." "What to do?" "I know!" "Let's play the lottery!" "Let's buy Internet stock!" "On margin!" "Zoidbee wanna buy on margin!" "HERMES:" "Look at me!" "I'm invisible!" "I know what's going on!" "You've all become idiots!" " Hey!" "Let's all join the Reform Party!" " Oh, yeah!" "Welcome back, ambassador to Earth, homeworld of the pizza bagel." "I bear many receipts for reimbursement." "The four welcomes to you as well, Leela." "We shall appear to be speaking your language." " Do not be afraid, child." " I'm not afraid." "Uh, good." "Good." "So, your real name is Lord Nibbler?" "It is for your sake." "By the time you pronounce one letter of my name a trillion cosmoses would sink into eternal night." "Oh, you're all so cute." "No, we are an ancient, powerful race." "Behold." "When the universe was forged in the big bang our mighty race was already 17 years old." " Aw." " Mm." "NIBBLONIAN 1:" "For the first millisecond, things were okay." "But there arose a terrible enemy, the Brain Spawn." "[CHATTERING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE]" "Ever since, we have waged unceasing war against these dreadful..." "Lunch is ready." "Then let the feast of 1000 hams begin!" "[CHEWING]" "[BURPING]" "Why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth?" "They hate all consciousness." "Thoughts screech at them like the forced laughs of movie patrons." "Thus, they travel making everyone stupid in order to wipe out all thought." "Wipe out thought?" "My God!" "They're flying televisions!" "And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are." "[PURRS]" "There is one being who can resist." "A child of destiny whose bizarre brain waves make him immune to their attack." "He is the hope of the universe." "The fate of your world, perhaps all worlds, rests in his special mind." "Now, when you say "special"..." "[SIRENS WAIL]" "Attention New New Yorkers!" "Stop acting so stupid!" "[SQUAWKS]" "[SCREAMS]" "NIBBLONIAN:" "Fleet holding at perimeter of Moron Zone, formerly known as Earth." "Why would Fry be immune?" "Because he doesn't shower?" "They suppress intelligence by attacking delta brain waves." "Every animal and robot generates this wave, as do certain trees." "NIBBLER:" "Fry, however, does not." "[FLAT BEEP]" "Somehow, he has cobbled random brain waves into a working mind." " Like a carpet-remnant prom dress." " Like your prom dress." "The Brain Spawn are commanded by a brain with a gooey center of pure hate." "Only Fry, with his superior, yet inferior mind, can approach it." "Tell him to disable it." "We will do the rest." " You can count on me." " No." " On Earth, you will be too stupid." " That's why we wrote it down for you." "We also prepared a bag lunch and mittens." "Time to reeducate you dunces." "We'll start with presidents." "This was our first president, George Washington." "Let's review." "Who was our first president?" "Um..." " A pickle jar?" " Thomas Jefferson?" "[ENGINE ROARS]" "Leela!" "I've been so worried!" "Are you a bonehead?" "I... have to tell must... important... something..." "You're going a mile a minute." "This... you for this!" "Thanks!" "No!" " Ow." "Fire hot!" " The professie will help." "Fire indeed hot." "Oh, Chester A. Arthur fall down." "Brain." "Brain make people dumb." "No, Leela." "Brain make people smart." "[GROANS]" " You go fight biggest brain." " Even bigger than those?" " Where is it?" " I don't know." "A giant brain is basically a giant nerd." "And where would a giant nerd be?" "[GASPS]" "The library!" "Pathetic human race." "Arranging knowledge by category made it easier to absorb." "Dewey, you fool, your decimal system has played right into my hands." "[LAUGHS]" " What do you want?" " I'm here to kick your ass!" "Wishful thinking." "We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses." "Odd." "My stupefaction field is having no effect on you." "That's right!" "You'll find a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!" "Better think of a new plan." "Come on, think." "Thinking." "Thinking..." "[BUZZING]" "BRAIN:" "Oh!" "Stop that!" "Thinking hurts him!" "Maybe I can think of a way to use that." "[BRAIN GROANS]" "Prepare to be thought at!" "Leela, give me a topic." " Duh..." " I can't think of anything." "[BRAIN LAUGHS]" "Gotta find something." "Hardy Boys?" "Too easy." "Nancy Drew?" "Too hard." "Perfect!" "Bonfiire of the Vanities!" "BRAIN:" "No!" "It's unbearable!" "They're weakening." "Nibblonians to Nibble stations." "Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment." " Sometimes I fear we are cute." " Oh, niggle-snooch." "Take that!" "This one I don't understand." "But take this one!" "Ooh." "You have not won yet." "Each book is a gateway to a mental realm and I shall take you there and imprison you forever!" "Icky!" "Where are we?" "A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale." " Big whale over there." " I saw it first." "Wait!" "That no white whale!" "It gray thinkie whale!" "Let go of me!" "I have to kill it!" "BRAIN:" "You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome forever!" "Follow him!" "It's our only way out!" "Have you seen a giant brain?" "Yep." "I let him help with the fence." "Tom Sawyer, you tricked me." "This is less fun than previously indicated." "Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity." " No!" " Come on!" "Mr. Fry?" "Mama says you're quite the oddity." " A bachelor at your age." " I'm an oddity?" "Wait till..." "The most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley." "I'm a gigantic brain!" " I say!" " Most ungentlemanlike." "What news have you of the London season?" " Well..." " Hey, think fast!" "I always think fast." "The whale!" "He be white now!" "[SCREAMS]" "I've got an idea." "Stay here with Queequeg." "Is there a Mrs. Queequeg?" "Yes!" "I'm free!" "All right, brain!" "Get ready for some electroshock treatment!" "Fry, don't die!" "Wake up!" "No!" "[BRAIN LAUGHS]" ""Leela cried as Fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase." "The Big Brain laughed in triumph." "Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever." "The End. " There!" "Now he's trapped in my book, full of plot holes and spelling errors." "The Big Brain am winning again!" "I am the "greetest"!" "Now I am leaving Earth for no "raisin"!" "[CHEERING]" "The Big Brain is defeated." "Let what must be done, be done." "Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties." "I did it!" "And it's all thanks to the books at my local library." "NIBBLER:" "And so, life returned to normal." "Or as normal as it gets on this dirtball inhabited by psychotic apes." "The people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired." "Except Fry." "And no one believed him or cared what he had to say." "I returned to my post, ever-vigilant, lest Earth again come under attack." "And when that day comes, God help us." "God help us all." "Time for a diapie change." "NIBBLER:" "End transmission."