"[ Narrator ] 'TWAS BRILLIG, AND THE SLITHY TOVES..." "DID GYRE AND GIMBLE IN THE WABE;" "ALL MIMSY WERE THE BOROGOVES..." "AND THE MOME RATHS OUTGRABE." "?" "[ Whistling ]" "[ Animal Squealing ]" "?" "[ Whistling Continues ]" "[ Thunderous Footsteps ]" "?" "[ Whistling Continues ]" "[ Squealing Continues ]" "[ Footsteps Continue ]" "[ Animals Continue Squealing ]" "[ Footsteps Continue ] [ Low Growling ]" "?" "[ Whistling Continues ]" "[ Loud Snarling ] [ Screaming ]" "[ Screaming Continues ]" "[ Animals Squealing ]" "[ Bell Chiming ]" "[ Narrator ] IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE DARK AGES," "AGES DARKER THAN ANYONE HAD EVER EXPECTED." "AN HORRENDOUS MONSTER CASTS A DREADFUL PALL OF FEAR...." "OVER A ONCE HAPPY LAND." "AS TOWNS AND VILLAGES ARE TORN APART," "THE HELPLESS SURVIVORS SEEK REFUGE..." "BEHIND THE WALLS OF THE GREAT CITY." "BUT..." "OUT IN THE FOREST," "IN ISOLATED POCKETS..." "STILL UNTOUCHED BY THE RAVAGES OF THE MONSTER," "LIFE AND BUSINESS GOES ON..." "AS USUAL." "[ Man ] THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN-- OH, THERE'S ANOTHER LITTLE ONE." "FIFTEEN." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE, DENNIS ?" "STOCKTAKING, FATHER." "I THOUGHT YOU TOOK STOCK THIS MORNING." "OH, YES, I DID." "BUT IT NEVER HURTS TO KEEP AN UP-TO-THE-MOMENT ACCOUNT OF YOUR STOCK." "IN BUSINESS NOWADAYS, FATHER" "NEVER MIND THAT NONSENSE AND COME AND HELP ME WITH THIS CASK." "ALL RIGHT, FATHER." "I'LL FINISH STOCKTAKING LATER." "THERE." "THERE." "SEE, THE SECRET OF THE CRAFT IS TO KEEP THE STAKE" "TAKE HOLD OF THE HOOP." "[ Bell Rings ] HELLO, DENNIS." "RALPH." "OH." "BAH !" "GOOD DAY, MR. FISHFINGER." "CAN I BE OF SOME ASSISTANCE TO YOU TODAY ?" " WELL" " OH, DENNIS, WHAT ARE YOU" "[ Laughing ]" "YES, WELL, UH, SEE, I NEED SOME BARRELS, DENNIS," "FOR SHIPPING DRIED FISH TO THE CITY." "BIG DEMAND THERE, YOU KNOW, SINCE THIS MONSTER SCARE." "OH." "MY GOODNESS, PRICES GOING UP ALL THE TIME." "THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S GREAT." "BUT TELL ME, MR. FISHFINGER," "DO YOU BELIEVE ALL THESE STORIES ABOUT WHOLE VILLAGES BEING DESTROYED ?" "WELL, I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY SEEN THE MONSTER MYSELF, YOU KNOW." "BUT WHEN I WAS OVER IN MUCKLEY THE OTHER DAY" "MUCKLEY ?" "THAT'S QUITE A WAYS, ISN'T IT ?" "IT'S TWO MILE OR MORE, EASY." "GOSH, I'D LIKE TO TRAVEL SOMEDAY, MR. FISHFINGER." "ANYWAY, ABOUT THE MONSTER" "OH, YES." "WELL, UH, THIS GRAIN MERCHANT, YOU SEE, OVER IN MUCKLEY," "HE CLAIMED THAT HE'D ACTUALLY SEEN IT." "TURNED HIS TEETH SNOW WHITE OVERNIGHT, THEY SAY." "[ Shudders ] ANYWAY, ABOUT THE BARRELS" "YES, WELL, MUST BE CHEAP." "FIRST OF ALL, CHEAP." "MUST BE CHEAP." "I THINK WE CAN ATTEND TO YOUR NEEDS, MR. FISHFINGER." "EXACTLY HOW..." "INEXPENSIVE ?" " NO MORE THAN TUPPENCE APIECE." "TUPPENCE ?" "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, FISHFINGER ?" "I CAN'T TURN OUT A DECENT BARREL FOR THAT PRICE, AND YOU KNOW IT." "UH, LOOK, FATHER, DON'T YOU THINK-- RALPH, LET'S BE SENSIBLE." "SEE, THE BARRELS HAVE ONLY GOT TO LAST UNTIL THEY GET TO THE CITY." "IT'S EASY MONEY." "NO !" "I DON'T MAKE BARRELS TO LAST TWO OR THREE DAYS, FISHFINGER." "I MAKE BARRELS TO LAST A LIFETIME." "I'M A CRAFTSMAN !" "WE KNOW." "EVERYBODY KNOWS." "WHICH IS SOMETHING YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND." "WELL, IT'S-- OR YOU EITHER, DENNIS, I'M AFRAID." "WHAT WOULD-- YOU DON'T WANT BARRELS, FISHFINGER, YOU WANT BAGS." "I-- NOW GET OUT !" "LOOK, FATHER-- OUT." "AND DON'T COME BACK HERE WITH YOUR SHODDY DEALS." "YES." "GOOD-BYE." "TUPPENCE !" "[ Grumbling ]" "GOOD-BYE, MR. FISHFINGER." "I'M SORRY." "HE'S JUST-- IT'S ALL RIGHT, DENNIS." "HE'S GIVEN ME A VERY GOOD IDEA." "WAIT, MR. FISHFINGER !" "I THINK" " I THINK I CAN GET" "BYE, DENNIS." "TUPPENCE." "[ Grumbling ]" "GRISELDA." "GRISELDA." "YEAH ?" "IT IS I, DENNIS," "COME TO SEE YOU." "I SEE." "HOW ARE YOU, MY LOVE ?" "MMMM." " HAVE YOU MISSED ME ?" " UHHH ?" "OH, GRISELDA, IT'S LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN." "I THINK ABOUT YOU ALL DAY LONG WHEN I'M TAKING STOCK." "I DREAM OF THE DAY WHEN I'LL ASK FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE, AND WE'LL BUILD THAT LITTLE COTTAGE." "I'LL COME HOME FROM THE SHOP." "WE'LL HAVE SUPPER TOGETHER." "HEY, ROGER !" "ROGER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?" "WELL, JUST A" " YOU" "WHAT ?" "OH, GRISELDA." "SORRY." "GRISELDA..." "I KNOW I CAN'T ASK YOU TO DECLARE YOUR LOVE FOR ME..." "TILL I'M IN A BETTER POSITION TO MARRY YOU, BUT SAY YOU'LL WAIT FOR ME." "SAY I'VE GOT A CHANCE-- LET GO !" "WHY, GRISELDA, WHY ?" "I'VE GOTTA SCRATCH." "OH, GRISELDA." "GRISELDA, I-I-I" "OH, SORRY, DENNIS." "HOW'S YOUR FATHER ?" "OH, NEVER BETTER, MRS. FISHFINGER." "[ Gasping ]" "[ Flatulence ] [ Fishfinger ] IS THAT DENNIS COPPER ?" "[ Mrs. Fishfinger ] YES." "HELLO, DENNIS." "YOU'VE GOT GARBAGE ALL OVER YOUR VEST." "TSK, TSK, TSK." "YOU REALLY OUGHT TO LOOK AFTER YOUR APPEARANCE, YOU KNOW." "VERY BAD FOR BUSINESS." "OH, BY THE WAY, I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW..." "I GOT WAT THE MERCER TO RUN ME UP A FEW CLOTH BAGS-- ONLY A HA'PENNY EACH." "I WISH I COULD'VE CONVINCED FATHER TO SEE IT YOUR WAY, MR. FISHFINGER." "YES, WELL, YOU SEE, A MAN'S GOT TO MOVE WITH THE TIMES." "STILL, WHEN YOU TAKE OVER THE SHOP, NO DOUBT WE'LL DO A LOT OF BUSINESS TOGETHER." "OH, THAT WON'T BE FOR SOME TIME YET, MR. FISHFINGER." "OH, WELL, IT'S GETTING LATE." "I'D BETTER BE GOING." "OKAY BY ME." "[ Fishfinger ] DROP IN ANY TIME, DENNIS." "GOOD-BYE, GRISELDA." "[ Thunder Rumbling ]" "[ Loud Clanging ]" "[ Quiet Chattering ]" "FATHER !" "[ Groaning ] IS THAT YOU, DENNIS ?" "YES, FATHER." "COME CLOSER, DENNIS." "YES, FATHER." "WHAT HAPPENED ?" "IT'S MY HEART." "I HAVEN'T LONG." "I'M GOING" " I'M GOING TO-- [ Gasping ]" "THROW UP ?" "NO." "FATHER." "SON." "WHAT SHALL I DO WITHOUT YOUR GUIDING HAND, WITHOUT YOUR SKILL ?" "SON." "YES, FATHER ?" "[ Muttering ]" "YOU'RE GOING TO END UP JUST LIKE THAT..." "[ Stammering ]" "F-F-FISHFINGER." "WHO, ME ?" "YES." "FATHER, I KNOW MR. FISHFINGER'S A VERY SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN, BUT" "[ Groaning ] BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT NO UNDERSTANDING..." "OF CRAFTSMANSHIP," "NO APPRECIATION OF THE BEAUTY OF WOOD," "BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST A SHALLOW," "DULL, PRETENTIOUS," "FATHER !" "LITTLE STOCK-TAKER !" "OH, FATHER, YOU'RE DELIRIOUS." "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING." "OH, YES, I DO, YOU" " YOU WHIMPERING," "SNOTTY-NOSED," "CRETINOUS OAF !" "EGH, I'VE WANTED TO SAY THIS FOR YEARS." "FATHER, WE'RE NOT ALONE." "YOU'RE EVERYTHING I DESPISE !" "DAD'S RAVING, I'M AFRAID." "[ Man ] NO, HE'S NOT." "YOU AND YOUR KIND WILL DRIVE GOOD, HONEST CRAFTSMEN TO THE WALL." "DO YOU HEAR ?" "TO THE WALL !" "HONESTLY, DAD, I WAS ONLY TRYING TO IMPROVE THE BUSINESS." "[ Growls ] YOU WON'T HAVE MY BUSINESS..." "TO IMPROVE ANYMORE." "NOT MY COOPERAGE." "BECAUSE I'M, I'M TAKING IT WITH ME !" "DAD, I DON'T UNDERSTAND." "DON'T UNDERSTAND ?" "YOU DAMNED NINNY." "I'M RENOUNCING YOU." "YOU'RE NO SON OF MINE." "YOU'RE NO CRAFTSMAN'S SON." "GET OUT, OUT OF MY SIGHT !" "STOCK-TAKER !" "[ Gasps ]" "[ Crowd Murmuring, Sobbing ]" "[ Croaking ]" "[ Flatulence ]" "GRISELDA !" "GRISELDA, MY ANGEL !" "[ Young Man ] GO AWAY." "WE'RE EATIN'." "IS GRISELDA THERE ?" "[ Fishfinger ] IS THAT DENNIS COOPER ?" "UH, YES, SIR." "CAN I SPEAK TO GRISELDA ?" "SHE'S EATING, DENNIS." "WHAT DO YOU WANT ?" "I'M GOING AWAY, MR. FISHFINGER." "I'M GOING TO THE CITY." "AND I'M GOING TO MAKE GOOD AND I'M GONNA COME BACK AND CLAIM GRISELDA'S HAND." "SO YOU WILL, DENNIS." "GOOD-BYE." "[ Chomping ] GRISELDA." "GRISELDA, I'M GOING AWAY." "SAY SOMETHING." "SAY ANYTHING." "PASS THE POTATOES." "I HEARD THAT !" "YOU ARE IN THERE, GRISELDA." "MY DARLING, I'M GOING AWAY." "I MAY NOT EVEN SEE YOU" "[ Griselda Heaves ] THAT'S ROTTEN !" "FOR ME ?" "GRISELDA, YOU DO CARE." "[ Noisy Eating Continues ] A KEEPSAKE, SOMETHING THAT WILL ALWAYS REMIND ME OF YOU." "OH, GRISELDA, I'LL CARRY THIS NEXT TO MY HEART UNTIL THE DAY WHEN WE NEXT..." "SAY GOOD-BYE TO THE BOY, GRISEY." "[ Griselda Grunting ]" "MEET." "GOOD-BYE, GRISELDA." "[ Man Sighs, Gasps ]" "NO, NO !" "STAY AWAY !" "STAY AWAY FROM ME !" "[ Whimpering ]" "NO !" "[ Indistinct Shout ]" "[ Whimpering Continues ]" "[ Sighs, Snoring ]" "WHAT'S THAT ?" "WHAT WAS THAT ?" "NO !" "AHHH !" "[ Muttering ]" "[ Sighs, Snoring ]" "[ Screaming ]" "GOOD MORNING, YOUR MAJESTY." "OH, GOOD MORNING, PASSELEWE." "GOOD MORNING TO YOU, SIR." "AND TO YOU, SIR." "A FINE DAY." "TRULY." "YOUR BUSINESS GOES WELL, I TRUST." "[ Man Chanting ] ONE DOESN'T LIKE TO COMPLAIN." "AND YOUR OWN COMMERCIAL EFFORTS ?" "OH, ONE DOES ONE'S BEST." "I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE OPENING A NEW SHOP." "YES, DOWN BY THE TOWN GATE, AN AREA OF CONSIDERABLE GROWTH." "OH, I AGREE." "I TRUST WE'LL BE HEARING FROM YOU WITH AN ORDER SOON." "OH, CERTAINLY." "THAT IS, IF YOUR PRICES ARE COMPETITIVE." "AHH, SURELY." "WHAT'S THE LATEST WINE-TO-WATER RATIO ?" "DID YOU SEE IT ?" "YES, IT CAME JUST AS I LEFT THE HOUSE." "IT'S TWO WINE TO ONE WATER STILL, BUT I DON'T SEE HOW IT CAN HOLD AT THAT RATE." "THEY'RE VERY LUCKY TO BE GETTING ANY WINE AT ALL, YOU KNOW." "IS THAT ALL ?" "I THOUGHT I DETECTED A CERTAIN ONENESS IN THE LAST CONSIGNMENT." "OHH, THAT'S ODD." "IT WAS VERY ROBUST WHEN IT LEFT MY PREMISES." "GET A MOVE ON." "LET ME SEND YOU A SAMPLE OF OUR NEW SHIPMENT OF PORT WITH MY COMPLIMENTS." "MOVE, YOU LAME BUGGERS." "THAT WOULD BE MOST KIND OF YOU." "WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE THE KING HAS CALLED THIS COUNCIL ?" "ONLY THE LORD KNOWS." "GET GOING, YOU !" "BUT I HAVE HEARD THE CHAMBERLAIN IS URGING HIM TO TAKE MEASURES AGAINST THE MONSTER." "MEASURES ?" "THAT WOULD ALLOW THE PEASANTS TO LEAVE THE CITY ?" "IT COULD VERY WELL BE." "AND THAT WOULD NOT BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS." "MOVE IT !" "COME ON !" "GET A MOVE ON !" "[ Men Panting ]" "[ Indistinct Shouting ]" "AHHHH !" "[ Indistinct Chattering ]" "AFTER YOU." "NO, YOU FIRST, PLEASE." "YOU'RE TOO KIND." "[ Man Coughing ]" "[ Coughing Continues ]" "ATTENTION !" "OUR MOST GLORIOUS MAJESTY," "KING BRUNO THE QUESTIONABLE." "SON OF OLAF THE LOUD." "OH, HE'S COMING !" "HE'S COMING !" "I'M NOT FINISHED YET." "OH, LOOK OUT !" "HE'S HERE !" "OH !" "OW !" "OHHH !" "?" "[ Trumpet Fanfare ]" "PAY ATTENTION, YOUR MAJESTY." "SURELY YOU SEE IT'S A MATTER OF THE GRAVEST URGENCY." "[ King ] YES, YES, OF COURSE, PASSELEWE." " CRIKEY !" " [ Grunts ]" "QUICK, SIRE, DOWN !" "[ Grunting Continues ]" "STOP IT !" "EH, COME ON." "[ Groaning ] OH, YES." "BLESS MY SOUL !" "GREAT GRANDNEPHEW..." "OF EMPEROR OTTO THE BENT," "CONQUEROR..." "OF FREEDONIA." "LET HIM GO !" "GET UP, MAN." "YOU'LL GET YOUR RAGS ALL DIRTY." "SIRE, HELP US, SIRE." "THE MONSTER IS RAVAGING THE COUNTRYSIDE." "IT HAS DESTROYED OUR HOMES." "WE HAVEN'T EATEN IN DAYS." "WEEKS." "MONTHS." "E-EXCEPT I ATE MY SHOE YESTERDAY." "OH, THAT'S NOTHING." "I ATE THREE TOES OFF OF MY, UH..." "RIGHT FOOT." "TERRIBLE MONSTER-- [ Man ] THAT AIN'T YOUR RIGHT FOOT." "KNOW-IT-ALL !" "ARE YOU A DOCTOR OR SOMETHING ?" " BUT PLEASE" " I SAW A DOCTOR ONCE." "HE DIDN'T SEE ME." "I WAS HIDING." "YOUR MAJESTY, SAVE US FROM THE GREAT GREEN BEAST." "[ Man ] GRAY !" " THE SIDE I SAW WAS A DIRTY YELLOW." "NO, IT WERE MORE ORANGE." " NO, IT WAS GRAY !" "[ Arguing Continues ]" "NOW, STOP IT." "STOP IT, ALL OF YOU !" "GO ON, GET OUT, GET OUT !" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?" "GO ON, GET OUT !" "I'LL READ THIS TO THE KING." "STOP IT !" "GO ON !" "YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS TO ME, PASSELEWE," "THAT MY SUBJECTS ARE BECOMING A PAIN IN THE ARSE." "YES, WELL, MY DEAR, YOU MUST DO SOMETHING." "I MEAN, YOUR KINGDOM IS PARALYZED WITH FEAR." "THE CITY BELOW IS OVERFLOWING WITH REFUGEES." "THEY'RE SIMPLE PEOPLE, BRUNO," "AND EASY PREY FOR EVERY SHARP-WITTED MERCHANT AND TRICKSTER." "PAST GRAND MASTER OF THE ROYAL ORDER OF LOWNDES VICTOR, SAVIOR OF WALES." "?" "[ Trumpet Fanfare ] - [ Coughing ]" " HEY !" " AND KING." "[ Coughing Continues ]" "YOUR MAJESTY, YOUR COUNCIL MEETS TODAY IN SOLEMN SESSION..." "TO URGENTLY DISCUSS THE TERRIBLE HAVOC..." "WREAKED BY THE MONSTER ALL OVER THE COUNTRYSIDE." "LOOK, I'M TELLING YOU, NOBODY GETS IN HERE WITHOUT MONEY OR POSSESSIONS." "BUT I'VE GOT POSSESSIONS." "SEE ?" "AGH, THAT'S ONLY A ROCK." "ONLY A ROCK ?" "YEAH." "LISTEN, WHAT IF THIS IS NOT JUST AN ORDINARY ROCK ?" "WHAT IF THIS IS A DIAMOND ?" "IT DON'T SHINE." "[ Both Yelling ] GET OUT OF HERE !" "RIGHT, NEXT." "NOW, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT ?" "ANY GRAIN ?" "ANY CLOTH ?" "[ Man Screaming ]" "NO, I HAVEN'T GOT ANYTHING, REALLY, BUT IT'S IMPORTANT THAT I GET IN THE CITY." "THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY." "NOW MOVE ALONG." "NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND." "I'VE COME TO GET A JOB." "I'M STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN." "I'VE GOT LOTS OF GOOD IDEAS." "I THINK THAT, ONCE IN THERE, I COULD HAVE" "NOW LOOK, SONNY, SHOVE OFF, EH ?" "WAIT A MINUTE !" "WHAT HAVE YOU GOT HERE ?" "WHAT'S THIS ?" "YOU TOLD US YOU HAD NOTHING." " [ Sighs ]" " THAT'S NOT FOR EATING." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?" "YOU COULD LAST A WEEK ON THAT." "JUST A MINUTE." "WHAT ARE YOU UP TO, SONNY ?" "OH, NOTHING, NOTHING." "IT'S A MEMENTO." "A MEMENTO ?" "MY SWEETHEART GAVE IT TO ME BEFORE I LEFT HOME." "SHE GAVE YOU THAT ?" "YES." "CAN I HAVE IT BACK, PLEASE ?" "GOD, SHE MUST REALLY LOVE YOU." "DO YOU REALLY THINK SO ?" "YEAH." "I'VE GOT A SORT OF STICKY FEELING INSIDE ME JUST THINKING OF IT." "YOU SURE ARE A LUCKY GUY." "COME ON, FRED, CUT IT OUT." "HE'S NOT GETTING IN." "I'VE GOT TO." "I'VE GOT TO" "GIVE HIM A BREAK, JUST THIS ONCE." "NO CHANCE." "NOW PUSH OFF, YOU." "[ Crowd Murmuring, Chuckling ]" "JUST 'CAUSE HE'S GOT A POTATO, YOU CAN'T LET" "I'M TELLIN' YOU, THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY." "WAIT A MINUTE." "HEY, YOU !" "COME BACK !" "THAT'S FAR ENOUGH." "LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT YOUR LEGS." "[ Laughter ]" "NO." "NO." "NEXT." "[ Crowd Chattering ]" "[ Passelewe ] AND SO, YOUR MAJESTY," "YOUR GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT- GREAT GRANDFATHER," "KING MAX THE VAINGLORIOUS," "BY A TOURNAMENT, CHOSE FROM HIS KNIGHTS A CHAMPION..." "TO FREE THE KINGDOM FROM THE PESTILENCE." "MOUNTED ON HIS MIGHTY CHARGER, SIR BROMIADES WAGED" "[ Grunting, Muttering ]" "WHAT'S THAT ?" "QUICKLY, MAN." "SOMEBODY MIGHT BE TRYING TO POISON ME." "[ Sighs ]" "PLASTER, YOUR MAJESTY." "OH." "CARRY ON, PASSELEWE." " MOUNTED ON HIS" " ELEVENTH." " MOUNTED ON HIS MIGHTY" " NO, WAIT." "TWELFTH CENTURY." "SHUT UP !" "FOOL !" "CARRY ON, PASSELEWE." "UNTIL PEACE WAS ONCE MORE RESTORED TO THE KINGDOM." "WITH THAT, KING MAX RODE BACK TO THE CHEERS OF HIS SUBJECTS..." "WHO LINED THE ROAD FOR OVER 50 MILES." "FIFTY MILES ?" "DO YOU MEAN THEY CHEERED HIM ALL THAT WAY ?" "WOW !" "THEY CERTAINLY MUST HAVE RESPECTED HIM." "YOU'RE RIGHT, PASSELEWE." "WE'LL HOLD A TOURNAMENT." "IT'S YEARS SINCE WE'VE HEARD THE CLASH OF SWORD AGAINST SHIELD," "THE CLAMOR OF MIGHTILY ARMORED KNIGHTS CRASHING TO THE GROUND," "THE SPURT OF BLOOD AS THE DAGGER IS THRUST INTO UNPROTECTED GROIN." "[ King Laughing ] OH, NO." "OH, NO, DEAR." "NO, NO, NO, NO." "WHAT I HAD IN MIND WAS A-- WAS A TOURNAMENT OFPLAISANCE." "APLAISANCE?" "PASSELEWE, DO MY EAR HOLES HEAR ARIGHT ?" "APLAISANCEWITH BLUNTED SWORDS AND COLLARED LANCE ?" "[ Laughs ] WHERE'S THE HONOR IN THAT ?" "WHERE'S THE GLORY IN A BUNCH OF BUFFOONS PLAYING PILLOW FIGHTS, EH ?" "NO !" "IT MUST BE AL'OUTRANCETO THE DEATH." " PLEASE, BRUNO, PLEASE." " NO, NO, NO." "GO WITH ALL SPEED AND MAKE THE ARRANGEMENTS." "[ Laughs ] OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL THE PRINCESS." "DAUGHTER ?" "STILL WORKING HARD, I SEE." "[ Chuckles ] YOU AND THE BLESSED SISTERS OF MISERY." "WELL..." "WHAT ARE YOU MAKING, DAUGHTER ?" "A TAPESTRY, FATHER, DEPICTING THE FAMOUS SIEGE OF CASTLE APCADWALLADER." "SEE ?" "IN THIS PORTION," "THE KING IS EATING HIS HORSE ON THE 98th DAY OF THE SIEGE." "[ Laughing ] SPLENDID !" "VERY PRETTY, DAUGHTER." "EH, BUT YOU WERE ALWAYS" "CAREFUL, FATHER." "SISTER WINNET FELL OUT LAST WEEK." "[ Sighs ] DAUGHTER," "OUR KINGDOM WILL SOON BE FREE OF THE MONSTER." "I HAVE DECLARED A TOURNAMENT TO FIND A CHAMPION TO DESTROY IT." "WHAT, THE KINGDOM ?" "OH, NO." "OF COURSE NOT, SILLY GIRL." "THE MONSTER." "OH !" "I SEE." "YES, AND NOT ONLY THAT," "BUT THE SUCCESSFUL KNIGHT WILL WIN YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE." "MARRIAGE ?" "MM-HMM." "[ Thunder Rumbling ] YES, WELL, YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED, SURELY ?" "OF COURSE I DO, DADDY." "WELL, THEN." "BUT I WANT TO MARRY A PRINCE." "I'M SUPPOSED TO MARRY A PRINCE." "THAT'S WHY I WAIT IN THIS TOWER JUST LIKE ALL THE BOOKS SAY TO DO." "ARE ANY OF THE CONTESTANTS PRINCES ?" "WELL, NOT EXACTLY." "NO ?" "NO, BUT I COULD MAKE ONE A PRINCE, COULDN'T I ?" "I MEAN THE WINNER." "[ Crying ] IT'S NOT THE SAME." "NO, NOT REALLY." "AH, WELL, NEVER MIND." "ONCE THE MONSTER IS DESTROYED," "I WILL BUILD YOU A BEAUTIFUL BRIDAL SUITE..." "IN THE LOVELY WEST TOWER." "ON SECOND THOUGHT," "I THINK THE VIEW FROM THE LOVELY EAST TOWER..." "WOULD BE INFINITELY MORE PREFERABLE, HMM ?" "[ Monster Roaring ]" "[ Man Coughing ]" "WHO IS IT ?" "UH, EXCUSE ME." "WATCH HIM." "WATCH HIM." "WHAT DOES HE WANT ?" " I WONDER IF I COULD HAVE SOME OF YOUR SOUP." " HE'S AFTER OUR SOUP !" " SOMEBODY STOP HIM !" " POKE AN 'OLE IN HIM !" " I'LL DO ANYTHING." "WILL HE GATHER FIREWOOD ?" "I DON'T KNOW." "WHAT DO YOU THINK ?" "I THINK WE SHOULD POKE AN 'OLE IN HIM." "OH, NO, NO." "I'LL COLLECT SOME FIREWOOD FOR YOU IF YOU LET ME HAVE SOME OF YOUR SOUP." " I MEAN, WHERE DO I GET IT FROM ?" " [ All Gasping ]" "[ Monster Roaring ]" "AH..." "OH..." "UM..." "WELL, COULD I HAVE A LITTLE TASTE OF THE SOUP FIRST ?" " [ All Protesting ]" " NO, I THOUGHT NOT." "[ Murmuring ]" "WELL, I'D BETTER GO THEN." "THE FIREWOOD, WAS IT ?" "[ Man Coughing ] UH, YEAH." "[ Thunder Rumbling ]" "[ Loud Footsteps ]" "[ Both Screaming ]" "SO, YOU'VE DISCOVERED MY DIAMOND MINE, HAVE YOU ?" " I WAS JUST GATHERING FIREWOOD." " LIAR !" "IT'S THE DIAMONDS YOU'RE AFTER, ISN'T IT ?" "THEY'RE NOT DIAMONDS." "THEY'RE JUST ROCKS." "JUST ROCKS ?" "QUICK THINKING, BUT NOT QUICK ENOUGH TO SAVE YOUR SKIN !" "THE SECRET OF MY DIAMOND MINE DIES WITH YOU !" "[ Screaming, Yelping ]" "OH !" "OW !" "OH !" "[ Screaming ]" "[ Monster Roaring ]" "[ Roaring Continues ]" "[ Gasps, Whimpering ]" "[ Monster Shrieks ] [ All Gasp ]" "[ Murmuring ]" "I JUST DROPPED IN TO TELL YOU TO, UH, START WITHOUT ME." "[ Murmuring Continues ] PERHAPS ANOTHER NIGHT." "[ Birds Chirping ]" "[ Grunting ]" "HUH ?" "EGH !" "UGH !" "[ Window Creaking ]" "[ Grunting ]" "[ Grunting Continues ]" "[ Gasps, Muttering ]" "[ Pounding Continues ] OPEN THE DOOR !" "OPEN IT UP !" "OPEN UP IN THERE !" "OPEN IT !" "OPEN THE DOOR !" "OPEN THE DOOR !" "[ Bell Clanging ]" "RUSH HOUR !" "[ Bell Gongs ]" "[ Crowd Clamoring ]" "[ Metallic Clashing Sound ]" "HEARKEN BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE !" "REPENT !" "CLEANSE YOURSELVES !" "THE BEAST IS AT THE GATES !" "[ Yelling ]" "[ Old Man ] THE BEAST IS AT THE GATES !" "[ Groaning ] CLEANSE YOURSELVES !" "[ Maniacal Laughing ] [ Man ] HORRIBLE." "HORRIBLE." "REPENT !" "THE BEAST IS AT THE GATES !" "CLEANSE YOURSELVES !" "O CITIZENS, LISTEN TO ME." "YEAH, YOU BETTER LISTEN !" "YOU BETTER BLOODY LISTEN !" "I HOPE YOU'RE LISTENING !" "ARE YOU LISTENING UP ?" "[ Shouting Continues ]" " YOU BETTER LISTEN UP !" " SHUT UP !" "YOU WERE THE ONE MAKING THE NOISE." "YOU NEVER LISTEN." " SIN !" " SIN." "SIN." " THE BRISTLING SPIKES OF THE PONDYLUS." " [ All ] THE PONDYLUS." " THE POINTED CRESTS OF THE DACTYLOPTERS." " THE DACTYLOPTERS." " THE TRIGLA." " THE TRIGLA." " ?" "AND THE FLYING HOGFISH ?" " ?" "AND THE FLYING HOGFISH ?" "ARE AS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE BEAST THAT HOLDS US PRISONER !" "THE BEAST..." "[ Continues, Indistinct ]" "FLYING HOGFISH ?" "I SEEN A GLIDING HOGFISH ONCE." "NEVER FLYING." "NOT ACTUALLY FLYING." "[ Woman ] STEWED MACKEREL !" "STEWED MACKEREL !" "STEWED MACKEREL !" "STEWED MACKEREL !" "CABBAGES." "CABBAGES." "RATS KILLED, LADY." "ALL VERY TIDY." "ALL VERY QUIET." "MORNING." "OH, MORNING." "I'M AFRAID I HAVEN'T GOT ANY MONEY." "OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT." "[ Mutters ]" "THANK YOU." "THANK YOU." " IS THAT YOURS ?" " WELL, OF COURSE IT IS." "WHOSE DID YOU THINK IT WAS ?" "YOU'RE NEW TO THE CITY ?" "UH, YES, YES." "I CAME HERE FROM THE COUNTRY TO START A NEW LIFE HERE." "YOU KNOW, GET A JOB." "A JOB ?" "NO CHANCE, SON." "OH, THANK YOU, GOVERNOR." "WELL, SURELY THERE MUST BE PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITIES." "MORNING." "THANK YOU." "[ Coin Clinks ]" "I AM A QUALIFIED COOPER'S APPRENTICE." "COOPER'S APPRENTICE ?" "WELL, WHAT A "COINCIDE-ENCE." I'M A COOPER MYSELF." "YOU MAY EVEN HAVE HEARD OF ME." "UH, WAT DABNEY." "WAT DABNEY !" "NOTTHEWAT DABNEY ?" "THE INVENTOR OF THE INVERTED FIRKIN ?" "THE VERY SAME, LAD." "NOW, IF I CAN'T GET A JOB HERE, WHAT CHANCE HAVE YOU GOT ?" "COME HERE." "HERE." "YOU SEE THAT PLAQUE ?" "THERE, UNDER THE BARREL." "WELL, THAT'S A GUILD SIGN." "TO WORK THERE, YOU'VE GOT TO BE A MEMBER OF THE GUILD." "BUT YOU'RE NOT, AND I'M NOT..." "AND NOT LIKELY TO BE." "BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR." "FAIR OR NOT, THE GUILDS HAVE THIS TOWN SEWN UP." "MORNING." "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ?" "WELL, IT'S NO GOOD GOING AROUND WITH A LONG FACE, IS IT ?" "I DID FOR WEEKS." "NEARLY STARVED." "THEN, ONLY THIS MORNING, I THOUGHT OF THIS." "HEY..." "MAYBE WE COULD TEAM UP TOGETHER." "SURE." "ALL WE'VE GOT TO DO IS" "NO, THANK YOU." "NO." "NO." "GOOD-BYE." "I THINK IT'S A ONE-MAN BUSINESS." "WHAT A GOLDEN CHANCE HE'S MISSING." "?" "[ Off-Key Trumpet Call ]" "?" "ATTENTION !" "ATTENTION !" "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE." "IN MY HUMBLE CAPACITY AS HERALD TO HIS MAGNI" "MAGNIFICENCE, KING BRUNO THE QUESTIONABLE," "IT IS MY PRIVILEGE TO ANNOUNCE... ?" "[ Trumpet ]" "A "JOOST"" "SORRY, A JOUST..." "TO THE DEATH..." "TO CHOOSE A..." "CHAMPION" "A CHAMPION TO FREE THE COUNTRY-- ?" "[ Trumpet ]" "TO FREE THE COUNTRY FROM THE TORMENTS AND RAVAGES..." "?" "[ Trumpeting Intensifies ]" "OF THE MON" "THANK YOU." "AS A REWARD FOR KILLING THE MONSTER," "THE KING'S CHAMPION WILL RECEIVE..." "HALF THE PRINCESS'S HAND AND THE ENTIRE KINGDOM IN MARRIAGE." "[ Whispering ]" "CORRECTION." "IT IS, OF COURSE" "IT IS, OF COURSE, THE KING'S HAND AND HALF THE PRINCESS'S KINGDOM." "[ Whispering ] EXCUSE ME." "[ Whispering Continues ] YES." "YES." "YES." "YES, I SEE." "THANK YOU." "THANK YOU." "I'VE JUST RECEIVED FINAL CONFIRMATION OF THE FINAL TERMS." "IT IS, OF COURSE, THE PRINCESS'S HAND..." "AND HALF THE ENTIRE KINGDOM." "[ Horse Neighing ]" "[ Cheering ]" "?" "[ Trumpet Call ]" "[ Cheering, Rooting ]" "[ Horse Neighing ]" "[ Horse Whinnies ]" "?" "[ Off-Key Trumpet Call ]" "[ Cheering Continues ]" "[ Horse Neighing ]" " [ Cheering ] - [ Metal Clanging ]" "[ Cheering Continues ]" "BEWARE THE JABBERWOCK, MY SON." "CABBAGES." "CABBAGES." "THE JAWS THAT BITE," "THE CLAWS THAT CATCH." "CAN I HAVE ONE FOR NOTHING ?" "GO ON." "GET OFF." "?" "[ Battle Call ]" "?" "[ Off-Key Trumpeting ]" "[ Cheering Continues ]" "[ Horse Neighing ]" "[ Horse Neighing ]" "[ Horse Whinnying ]" "[ Crowd Cheering ]" "[ Horse Whinnies ]" "[ Crowd Gasps ]" " [ Cheering ]" " HOT ROASTED RATS !" "ONLY A FARTHING." "RATS ON A STICK !" "[ Vendor ] ONE OF YOU IS GOING TO BE THE LUCKY OWNER OF THIS EGG" "GET 'EM HOT !" "THERE YOU ARE, SONNY." "OFF YOU GO, THEN." "GET YOUR RATS !" "ONLY A FARTHING !" "TURNIPS." "TURNIPS." "GET YOUR TURNIPS." "TURNIPS HERE." "TURNIPS." "TURNIPS." "GET YOUR TURNIPS." "[ Crowd Continues Cheering ]" "HEY, WATCH IT !" "[ Man Gasps, Crashing ]" "[ Screaming ] JESUS CHRIST !" "I'M AWFULLY SORRY." "I ONLY WANTED A BITE OF TURNIP." " JUST KEEP WALKING." " [ Man Yelps ]" "HOLD UP A MINUTE, SIR." "I'LL HAVE YOU OUT IN TWO SHAKES." "I'VE GOT IT, REALLY." "[ Man Shouts ] HOW ABOUT THAT, THEN ?" "FIRST-CLASS SERVICE AS ADVERTISED." "DON'T FORGET." "TELL YOUR FRIENDS." "WHERE DO YOU WANT IT ?" "OVER THERE BY THE BURNISHING PIT." "OVER THERE BY THE BURNISHING PIT." "I SUPPOSE YOU WANT THIS LOT DOING TODAY ?" "WHAT HAPPENED ?" "A TREE FALL ON HIM ?" "[ Laughing ]" "ALL RIGHT IN THERE, ARE YOU ?" "ARE YOU THE MASTER ARMORER ?" "JUST LOOK AT THIS ARM BRACE !" "YOU CALL THAT WORKMANSHIP ?" "[ Armorer ] I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING-- AND LOOK AT THIS JAMBEAU !" "WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT ?" "IT FELL OFF, THAT'S ALL !" "CAN'T PLEASE SOME PEOPLE." "THEY WANT MIRACLES." "I SENT FOR THE BEST ITALIAN ARMOR." "YES, BECAUSE ARM BRACES ARE SIMPLE." "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT !" "YOU SAID FRIDAY AFTERNOON !" "AND TO ME, THAT MEANS FRIDAY AFTERNOON !" "I PUT THREE OF MY BEST MEN ON THE JOB." " NO GOOD." "NO GOOD." " GET BACK !" "COME ON, BOYS." "COME ON." "AND DON'T BOTHER SENDING A BILL, EITHER !" "EXCUSE ME." "EXCUSE ME !" "I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING" "GET ON OUT OF 'ERE !" "I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING IT WOULD INCREASE YOUR EFFICIENCY IF YOU MOVED YOUR BOX TO HERE." "[ Screams ]" "[ Groaning, Grunting ]" "[ Screaming ]" "[ Screaming Continues ]" "[ Laughing ] YEAH !" "[ Laughing Continues ]" " YOU" "CLUMSY IDIOT !" "COME ON." "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE." "I WAS ONLY TRYING TO IMPROVE" "YOU DID IT BEAUTIFULLY, BOY." "BEAUTIFUL !" "WAS THAT ME ?" "COME ON !" "I'LL BUY YOU A DRINK." "WE'LL GO TO THE QUEEN'S HEMORRHOIDS, LAD." "THAT BETTER ?" "OH, YES." "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHEN I ATE LAST." "YES, I KNOW." "I ONCE WENT WITHOUT FOOD FOR 147 DAYS." "A HUNDRED AND FORTY-SEVEN DAYS ?" "IT WAS THE WINTER OF '52, THE SIEGE OF CAERLAVEROCK." "FOOD WAS SO SHORT-- WHAT'S THE MATTER ?" "YOU GOT A STOMACHACHE ?" "OH, NO, NO, NO." "I WAS JUST TRYING TO WORK OUT WHAT MY NEXT MOVE WOULD BE." "SO WAS I. GEEZ, WHY WORRY ?" "[ Laughing ]" "I'VE GOT TO WORRY." "IT'S A VERY BIG STEP COMING FROM A SMALL VILLAGE TO A BIG CITY." "DON'T I KNOW !" "THAT'S WHAT ATTRACTED ME TO THE LIFE OF A SQUIRE." "THE TRAVELING." "ONE DAY YOU'RE OUT IN HARTFORD HUNTING HERETICS," "THE NEXT DAY YOU'RE UP IN SCOTLAND BEING BURNED AT THE STAKE." "THE ADVENTURE !" "LIKE THE TIME ME AND MY KNIGHTS WAS FIGHTING THE BLESSED SISTERS OF ST." "ALOPECIA," "A BAND OF WARRIOR NUNS." "THEY REALLY-- IT SOUNDS VERY EXCITING, BUT HOW SECURE IS IT ?" "NOW, YOU TAKE COOPERING-- COOPERING ?" "COOPERING !" "[ Laughing ]" "THAT'S NO LIFE FOR A MAN." "IT IS TOO." "BARRELS AND CASKS ARE VERY IMPORTANT." "NOW, IN COMMERCE-- COMMERCE !" "RUBBISH !" "NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME." "MY KNIGHT WAS WOUNDED, SEE," "AND THERE WAS I WITH MY BACK TO THE WALL," "TWO WHACKING GREAT NUNS COMING AT ME WITH MACES." "I HARDLY THINK FIGHTING NUNS IS A VERY RESPECTABLE WAY" "HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU !" "COME HERE !" "THERE, YOU TRY." "COME AT ME." "PUT UP !" "PRETEND THAT DRUMSTICK IS A MACE." "AH" "OH, COME ON !" "REALLY LET ME HAVE IT." "[ Laughing ]" "COME ON." "GO FOR ME !" " NOW, I DEFLECTED THE MACE..." " [ Groaning ]" "AND I GRABBED HER LIKE THIS !" "I WANT YOU TO TALK TO THE LANDLORD FOR ME." "WHAT ?" "THEN I THREW HER AGAIN LIKE THIS !" " I WANT YOU TO DISTRACT HIM." " WHAT FOR ?" "YOU BERK !" "SHE WAS TOUGH, SEE, BUT I GRABBED HER IN THE OLD-- [ Gasps ]" " JUST KEEP HIM TALKING." " I DON'T UNDERSTAND." "YOU WILL." "JUST DO IT !" "NOW, HERE COMES THE BEST PART." "SHE BROKE MY GRIP, SEE." "SHE WAS COMING IN FOR THE KILL." "[ Groaning ] WHEN I TURNED TAIL AND RAN FOR IT," "SLAMMING SHUT THE CASTLE DOORS." "I BARRED THEM WITH A LANCE, GRABBING ONE OF THE NOVICES AS A HOSTAGE." "[ Moaning ]" "I FOUGHT MY WAY UP TO THE BATTLEMENTS," "HACKING AND SLASHING AS I WENT." "OLA !" "IN TEARS, IN CUTS." "[ Laughing ]" "EASILY OUTDISTANCING THE ENEMY..." "I ESCAPED !" "[ Landlord Shouts ] - [ Pounding ]" "[ Pounding Continues ]" "[ Indistinct Shouting ]"