"Previously on Nip / Tuck:" "I could sleep over next time." "Wouldn't that be great?" "What would be great is if you could come quicker, so I could get some rest." "I don't want there to be any weirdness between us, okay?" "Save the father-son talk for your daddy." "Your psychobabble attempt at bonding is pathetic." "The truth of the matter is you're denied nothing." "Really, Mom?" "When I asked you and Matt to keep it down... while you were humping the other night, you didn't do that for me." "That's denial." "Did he mean what he just said?" "Watch your lip, mister." "You're not too old for a backhand, and I'm wearing heavy rings." "Fine, I'll play along." "But then I get a favor." "Miss Garcia, tell us what you don't like about yourself?" "Look what a stupid idiot I am." "In this world, you don't get something for nothing." "Why couldn't I just accept it?" "Barbara Busberger referred Miss Garcia." "She's generously offered to cover her medical expenses." "She's my boss." "She said I'd have bad scars if I went to my HMO clinic." "Mrs. Busberger told me you'd been to a BOTOX party." "But, honestly, Miss Garcia, this doesn't look like the result of BOTOX." "It's not really BOTOX." "Then what was injected into your face?" "My girlfriend Lillian and me... she's a housekeeper for a family in Boca... we were having our nails done at Madam Rose's... and we were talking about our ladies." "You know, how good they always look... how they never age because of all the plastic surgery and BOTOX." "Madam Rose says she knows this doctor who makes his own BOTOX." "Only it lasts longer than the real kind." "And it's cheaper." "So when Mrs. Busberger went to Sardinia..." "I had a party." "And he said he could do six girls for $600, which is pretty good." "So we all saved up and hired him." "We all felt like we had won the lottery." "We all ended up like this." "Has anyone reported this doctor?" "Or Madam Rose?" "We don't like to involve the police, if you know what I mean." "Some of us aren't legal." "So if it's not BOTOX this quack is peddling... you have any idea what it is?" "He just calls it "BOBOTOX," after his own name." " He has a really weird name." " BOBOTOX?" " You mean Bobolit?" " Yeah." "His name's Bobolit." "I want my money." "This is a little low, even for a hack like Bobolit." "What is Merrill putting in this?" "Necrosis is consistent with a silicone base." "How many others are out there... with this poison in their face?" "$100 a pop." "He's probably shot up half the housekeepers in Miami by now." "Movies, magazines, TV shows." "We're bombarded daily by images we all aspire to but can't attain." "You want what you can't have." "It'll make you do horrible things." "You're right." "This is all my fault." "What are you talking about?" "I'm the reason Merrill lost his license." "He lost it for operating on a dog." "He wouldn't have done it if I hadn't referred him that case we declined." "I knew he'd take it." "He's been self-destructing since college." "He had to fall off the deep end." "This isn't negligence." "This is criminal." "Right." "Regardless of what she said, we need to go to the police." "No." "You go to the police, you'll get these women deported." "If I can talk to Merrill..." "I'm sure I'll be able to shut his operation down." "I caused this problem." "Let me fix it." "15-blade." "Nice business you got going." "Did you steal those, too?" "Yeah." "When you and my mom were soaping each other's privates in the shower." "She's got a lethal stash of Vicodin, in case you haven't noticed." "I might have if I hadn't been looking for my jacket." "What are you doing wearing it?" "I needed a safe place to keep my stuff from would-be narcs." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have customers waiting." "I never said you could borrow my jacket." "I never said you could move in with my mom, so get used to it." "I got put in your school so she didn't have to play double-duty chauffeur." "That's bullshit, asshole." "You got expelled from school for truancy." "This place was your last hope for graduation." "You're the asshole, asshole." "Ever since you showed up, I haven't got shit from her." "Not even lunch money." "Consider this a down payment on what you owe me." "I don't owe you anything." "Hey, give me my jacket back." "Now you got blood on it." "You're gonna pay to get this cleaned." "Doctor?" "You said my chemical peel should be on for 10 minutes." "It's been at least 20." "Don't interrupt me." "But I can't take anymore." "My face is on fire." "Wipe yourself down." "Mild discomfort is normal for the first hour." "Mani or pedi?" "BOBOTOX." "Madam Rose taking cigarette break out back." "You wait." "I have an appointment." "A cold compress and aspirin helps." "Thank you." "Let me take a look." "I'm a real doctor." "Christ." "Don't listen to him." "You'll be fine." "I'm the best." "Pay Madam Rose outside." "My card." "Call me tomorrow." "I'll give you a free follow-up." "Gracias." "Nice place, Merrill." "How long you been squatting?" "I knew you'd show up." "Coming to rub it in?" "Think you can kick me when I'm down?" "Well, the joke's on you, Christian." "I'm doing better than I ever was." "Really?" "Because when I stopped by your house earlier... the new owner said that he'd bought the house from the bank at foreclosure." "BOBOTOX is a revolution, Christian." "For the first time, all women, not just the privileged... can afford to look good." "It's literally changing the face of plastic surgery." "You got that right." "Sean and I had to remove the scalp of one of your patients the other day." "Madam Rose and I are still perfecting the formula." "You concocted that crap with a woman who runs a nail salon?" "Manicurial empire." "She has 3 locations." "We met in bankruptcy court after her massage parlors went belly up." "There is one thing I did learn from you, Christian." "A partner is the key to any successful business." "You're hanging on by a thread here, Merrill." " I came to offer my help." " You're wasting my time." "After the Kimber debacle, I finally found a lady who makes me very happy." "See?" "I'm just like you." "I got it all." "How long you been sucking on that thing?" "I don't really count the first six months." "You're coming with me, Merrill." "I'll get you into a good 12-step program, you're gonna get better." "Clean up, and start your business over." "Our business is fine." "What the hell's going on, Bobolit?" "We got patients outside who pay cash." "Christian, this is Madam Rose." "She's short." "You socialize after work, Bobolit." "This isn't socializing." "This is an intervention." "Merrill's not feeling good." "I'm taking him home." "Wait." "Not feeling good?" "He just needs some gas." "Are you kidding?" "He doesn't need this." "This is killing him!" "Get your shit." "We're leaving." "He's not going." "He has full schedule today." "Listen, lady, this chop shop of yours is operating illegally." "Can I call you back, Matty?" "You're getting suspended?" "The boys were set up, Miss Wentworth." "They're nonconforming individuals... who are both handsome and high-achieving." "Perfect targets for ignorant, envious types." "I think you're in a bit of denial, Mrs. Moore." "Ms." "Hi." "Sorry I'm late." "Have a seat, Mr. McNamara." "It's Troy." "Dr. Christian Troy." "I'm confused." "I thought you were his father." "I am." "I'm his biological father." "I have two dads." "Was there a divorce?" "Got it." "Two dads." "Emily Willis has two mommies." "We're seeing more of this." "Matt's father is my partner, Dr. Sean McNamara." "I understand." "They're not gay, Miss Wentworth." "My mom slept with Christian before she married my dad." "I don't have any father figures... but Matt's living at my house, screwing my mom... so I pretend he's my dad." "It's true." "Matt and I are lovers." "I was his life coach." "You see, Matt has a problem." "He's a premature ejaculator." "Enough." "I deal with dysfunctional families on a daily basis... and trust me, everyone has a story, and none of you are that special." "Thirty-day suspension is what we give when drugs are involved." "End of subject." "Principal Wentworth, that solution to a schoolyard dustup is not acceptable." "I prefer we come to a more reasonable solution right here... but if we can't, I'm not above calling a lawyer in." "Excuse me, Ms. Moore." "If I had a dime for every time a parent threatened legal action..." "I'd be living in Key West... sipping piña coladas and writing short stories." "Let's try and find a compromise, shall we, ladies?" "What's it gonna take to cut the boys some slack?" "Could the school use a nice contribution... for computer upgrades?" "A brand-new digital scoreboard?" "It amazes me how many parents think... that money is a substitute for parenting skills." "Your children always give you away." "There are students here with brains... who are failing every subject." "And all they talk about is Juicy Couture and $300 blonde streaks... and expensive leather jackets that they're willing to bleed over." "All that opportunity and resource, and you squander it all." "It must be difficult not to be bitter." "Teachers simply aren't compensated in our society." "I think that's why I became a life coach, so I could instruct and command a fair fee." "Is there a school for that?" "Sign me up." "You're under a lot of stress." "I can see it in your face." "You're exhausted." "You could put groceries in those bags." "In fact, when you mentioned your dream of writing earlier... for a brief moment you looked 10 years younger." "Dr. Troy is a world-class plastic surgeon." "Did you know that?" "I am not operating on that woman." "Even a practicing cynic like me can't live with it." "No." "Don't be a short-sighted fool." "Neither your son nor mine can take a school suspension... on their permanent record six months before they apply to colleges." "They'll never be accepted to Ivy League schools." "Sean will never go for it." "That's why I suggest it might be better if he called you." "'Cause you thought I'd be a bigger pushover?" "Think again, sweetheart." "No, because you're smarter." "Disciplining these boys, being a taskmaster of a parent... won't correct their mistake." "An eye job on that fat-assed sloth will." "I said no." "You know, it boggles the mind that after 17 years of lost opportunity... you'd squander this chance to act like a father to Matt." "He was doing fine until you showed up." "I know those drugs were yours." "I'm getting this boy away from you if it's the last thing I do." "I love Matt." "I care for him deeply." "And unlike you, I'm concerned for his future." "You wanna protect your boy from the true evils of the world:" "unemployment and personal apathy?" "Then help him get into college." "My 9:00 a. m. cancelled." "I can assist with the stitching up." "That's all right." "I got it." "I got itchy hands." "Isn't this..." "What's her name?" "The principal at Matt's school?" "I met her last year at parent-teacher night." "Why didn't I know about this surgery?" "Because I was hoping that you wouldn't have to know." "Oh, my God, Christian." "You've slept with strange types, but a 50-year-old school principal?" "Put in on my tombstone." ""Here lies Christian Troy." "He was never predictable. "" "Wait a second." "How did you meet Miss Wentworth?" "Are you and Julia attending school functions now, as mom and pop?" "It's nothing to do with Julia." "It's Matt." "What about Matt?" "He got into a fight." "They found prescription drugs on him." "They weren't his." "Why did Wentworth call you instead of me?" "Matt called." "You didn't call me?" "Because I was trying to protect you, Sean." "I was trying to give you a break." "The new, improved, compassionate Christian." "You are so full of shit." "You just want my relationship with my son." "That's why you didn't call me." "What was the upshot?" "She wanted to suspend them." "But Ava convinced her to trade plastic surgery for a clean slate." "Here's the new world order, Christian." "You inform Matt on how to minimize... orange streaking at spray-on tanning salons." "I'm in charge of all matters concerning his education." "You've been standing there the whole time?" "No, I just walked in." " Guess what I've been doing in there?" " No." "I'll give you a hint." "It involved my right hand." "You're a sociopath, you know that?" "Come on." "You'll wanna see this." "You didn't know I was such a Picasso, did you?" "That's brilliant." "You think no one's gonna know who did that now?" "Come on." "I think I captured your cum face pretty well, don't you?" "I mean, I've seen it so many times." "You know, Christian put his ass on the line... to save both of us yesterday." "Why don't you do something nice?" "Or at the very least just be grateful." "You're right." "I should learn to express myself in a healthier manner." "I think I'm just envious of you, Matt." "You have two dads that look after you." "I never even had one." "Despite what you may wanna think, Adrian... having two fathers is pretty complicated." "You weren't having any problems... until the secret of your paternity came out." "So, in a weird way, I guess you could say we're both in this together." "What I'm trying to say is maybe we should learn to get along." "It'd be better for everyone in the long run, don't you think?" "All right, then." "Truce." "Trevor, use this one here." "That one's empty." "Hi, I'm Merrill..." " and I'm a drug addict." " Hi, Merrill." "This is only my second meeting, so I won't bore you with my... tale of the cravings I've had today... or how hard it is to give up the tank." "What I'd like to share instead is the real reason..." "I'm gonna kick my habit, and get my life back on track." "Christian Troy, ladies and gentlemen." "First of all, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for this man." "And by that mean, I probably never would've lost my business... and gone on drugs in the first place." "Seriously, though, it's because of him... that I have a chance to leave behind a life that was... spinning out of control." "You gave me hope again." "And I want everyone here to know..." "I love you, man." "Don't bother with that crap." " Let's go grab dinner." " I can't." "I got surgery in the morning." "You know how it is." "I used to." "That's okay." "It's okay." "I had my eye on that little filly over there anyway." " I was thinking I'd ask her out." " Which one?" "Aren't there rules about dating people in the group?" "I don't wanna sleep with her, Christian." "I just wanna spend time with someone who's going through what I am." "A friend." "Now if that leads to a blow job..." "She's coming over." "Hi." "Merrill Bobolit." " You are..." " Hannah." "That was a touching speech that you made earlier, Merrill." "Thank you." "It came from the heart." "I really tried to..." "What I was really impressed with though was your story." "I really wanted to know more about who you are." "This is my number." "I'm going for dinner with my friends... but maybe you can give me a call later, and we can meet for coffee." "Maybe she's got a sister." "What's going on, Matty?" "I can't help you." "I'm sorry." "You need to call Sean." "I was out of the office recuperating from surgery... when this disgusting event took place." "The parents of the boy who washed his hands in the urine are very upset." "Miss Wentworth, I simply cannot comprehend... why Matt and my son have been called on the carpet for this juvenile prank." "You look 10 years younger, by the way." "Trevor Hayes, the student who washed his hands in the urine... said that Adrian and Matt were at the sink just before the incident occurred." "Trevor Hayes is an unstable liar and a crystal meth addict." "He said that you directed him to wash his hands in the urine, Adrian." "Circumstantial evidence." "Come on, boys." "We're going." "Sit down." "Did you urinate in the soap dispenser, Matt?" "This act of aggression isn't funny." "What's funny about it?" "This whole thing is funny, Dad." "It's idiotic." "I asked you a question, Matt." "Did you do this?" "No." "Adrian, was it you?" "He's scary, your other dad." "You're not leaving here until I get an answer." "Don't you dare threaten my son." "Yeah, I urinated in the soap dispenser." "Do you wanna spank me?" "Your son is yet another reminder of what a monstrous fraud you are, Ava." "I'm tempted to feel sorry for him, but I'm not his father." "I'm yours." "And here's the new regime." "Till further notice, you report to my office every day after school... where we'll find plenty of meaningless busywork to keep you out of trouble." " I didn't do anything." " Yes, you did, Matt." "Your lackadaisical behavior screams out for boundaries, so I'm gonna give some." "You will not fail to show up or even be late." "Or you'll finish out your education at a military school of my choice." "Got it?" "Matt's outgrown the saber-rattling." "Don't pay any attention to his macho posturing, Matt." " We can file for legal emancipation." " You do that, lady." "In the two months it takes to get the approval of the court..." "I'll talk to the press, discredit you as a pedophile... and a kidnapper, and an overall menace to society." "Then we'll see how soon your life coach business goes belly up." "I'm not afraid of your empty threats." "You should be, Ava." "You should be very afraid." "You think you're clever now, don't you?" "Where are they?" " Where are what?" " I get out of the shower." "I go to get dressed, but my closet, dresser... my laundry bag are completely empty all of a sudden." "It's official, Adrian." "You've gone insane." "Where are they?" "Come in and see for yourself." "Adrian, this is Alfonso Tehon Jr." "You may have met in passing." "His father's been cleaning our pool for the last four years." " Are you wearing my shirt, dude?" " And pants." "Shoes, too." "Fortunately, you two are almost the same size." "And he doesn't speak English, so don't try and make a scene right now." " Why is he wearing my clothes, Mother?" " He deserves them more than you." "You know he and his father came to this country... from El Salvador five years ago with no money?" "To help out, Alfonso works two jobs." "You, on the other hand, are a spoiled only child... who's gotten everything he's ever wanted." "And never appreciated any of it." "The fact that you continue to act out at school is unacceptable." "I've realized that maybe Sean is right." "Maybe good, old-fashioned discipline is in order." "So as punishment, I've given away your clothes." "Ava, what is he gonna wear to school?" "You should find something at the Goodwill for this." "They open in half an hour." "Could you give Alfonso a hand with these bags out to my car?" "I promised to give him a ride home." " Sure." " Thanks." "So now the pool man's son deserves more than I do." "From now on, you do what I say, when I say it." "You stop jeopardizing my relationship with Matt... or you will pay the price." "Tell me what you don't like about yourself, Ms. Navez." "That I'm not Jennifer." "You know, J. Lo." "I wanna look like J. Lo." " May I ask why?" " Because her life is better than mine." "Are you saying that you'd like a larger backside?" "No." "I've already got that." "It's the rest that I wanna change." "I wanna change my face, my breasts." "I wanna do some lipo around my waist... so I can wear clothes from the J. Lo collection." "And I can stand a lot of pain... so don't worry, you can just do it all at once." "Ms. Navez, unfortunately, we are not in the business... of celebrity look-alike makeovers." "We'll leave that to MTV." "You're in the business of helping people, right?" "I mean, everyone who meets me says that I could have a big career like J. Lo's... if I looked more like her." "You're an attractive young lady." "Clearly motivated." "You don't need to be J. Lo." "You can't be J. Lo." "You're you." "Don't you get it?" "I mean, I'm not enough." "I mean, all I get is rejections." "Ms. Navez, the kind of facial reconstruction you're talking about... would require quite a few procedures." "Rhinoplasty, malar implants to augment your cheekbones..." " dermabrasion for the slight acne scars..." " Mentoplasty for more chin definition." "And maybe some lipo from your abdomen." "The procedures we just outlined... would cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $50,000." "Yeah, I figured that." "I'll pay you back when I make it." "I'm sorry." "I don't wanna waste any more of your time." "We only take on pro bono work if it's life-threatening in some way..." " which, in your case, I'm afraid..." " It is life-threatening." "It's everything that I've worked for for my entire life." "I have so much to offer." "I wanna touch people's hearts." "But the world won't let me because I'm stuck in this body." "It's Merrill." "Where the hell are you?" "It's a sponsor session." "You are my sponsor." "I can't be around these people without you right now." "You okay?" "Yeah." "You don't look so good." "Yeah, I know." "Christian was supposed to meet me here." "Oh, God, what a sexy man, and a plastic surgeon." "Can you imagine the life that he must have?" "What was I thinking, trying to make a play for him?" "I mean, really." "What successful person like that wants to hang out... with a bunch of losers like us?" "Right?" "Correct me if I'm wrong, Sean." "I was under the impression that, as partners... we'd discuss pro bono cases before we made a decision either way." "When they're viable cases." "Since when is work on the lunatic fringe... even up for discussion?" "How's the air up there, partner?" "Got a touch of the high and mighty, do we?" "Speaking of discussion... did I misplace my invitation to discuss Miss Wentworth's eye job?" "Felicia Navez is not suffering from a medical condition or disfigurement." "She's just suffering from a fatal case of envy." "It's not her fault that she was born into a celebrity-obsessed world." "All this kid needs is a simple confidence boost." "You slammed the door on even that." "Becoming other people does not lead to personal fulfillment." "Once upon a time in college, I had a dream." "I met a guy I admired, and I said I wanted to be like him." "I'm partners with him today." "Where's the harm?" "Looking more and more like J. Lo." "Hey, Bubblehead, slow down with that thing!" "Stop complaining and join the party already." "Don't you think you've taken enough out of her?" "I know what I'm doing." "Bobolit!" "Come on, you're a doctor." "Help me!" "Shit!" " Come on, Doctor, do something!" " Shut up!" "She's dead?" "No way." "Everything was going fine." "Hold her legs." "Hold her legs." "What are you doing?" "We can get rid of her easier if she's in pieces." "How's it going in here?" "When I'm done with the towels, I'll go and unpack the surgical supplies." "Excellent." "You know, the drawers and the shelves are looking a little grungy, Dad." "I'll come in tomorrow... clear everything out, and give them a good scrub." "I don't get it." "Where's the sullen backtalk I've been bracing myself for?" "I don't know." "I guess I kind of like hanging out here." "Do you remember when I was little... you used to bring me in here on the weekends... to feed the fish in your office?" "Yeah." "Dad, the Marlins are on tonight... so I was thinking I could pick us up a pizza... come by, watch it at the house." "I mean, if you don't have any plans." "No." "No plans." "That'd be fine." "Where are you off to?" "What are you doing here?" "I thought you'd be at the meeting today." "I left you a message." "My surgery went late." "I called you repeatedly, but you never called me back." "I was afraid you might have relapsed." " You got high again, didn't you?" " And loved every minute of it." "It's the only reliable thing in my life." "What happened here?" " Why is there so much blood on the table?" " It's all your fault, you know!" "If you'd just showed up at the meeting, this wouldn't have happened to her." "What's in the suitcase, Merrill?" "We're gonna need another suitcase." "Hey, sponsor." "What are you doing, Merrill?" "You know the difference between jealousy and envy, Christian?" "Jealousy is when you realize someone has something you want... and you just have to work hard to get it." "Envy is when you realize someone has something you can never have... no matter how hard you try." "Take me and you, for example." "We both graduated from the same school... created successful businesses... found money, fame... pussy... but somehow you managed to always come out ahead of me." "Staring down at you, I suddenly realize why." "It's that handsome mug of yours." " Where's Madam Rose?" " She got freaked out by all the gore." "She's probably in Tampa by now." "What are you planning on doing, Merrill?" "Something I've always dreamed of." "I figure if I can't have your life..." "I'll just take your face." "Stop struggling." "I will cut your throat." "It'll never work, Merrill." "Why not?" "Facial transplant surgery has never been done successfully." "You're just wasting your time." "You don't think I can do it?" "I'm a great goddamn surgeon, Christian!" "You're just trying to break my concentration." "I just don't want you to forget the most important part, that's all." "You have to expose the live tissue on your face first." "I knew that." "I figured I could do me later." "The nerve endings on my face will be dead before you have a chance to reattach." "You really wanna be me?" "That's what I'd do." "Goodbye, Merrill." "I don't feel so good." "Hello?" "In here!" "Appointment to do my breast implants." "In here, please!" "Help me!" "Adrian, why are you sitting in the dark?" "I won't let you do this to me anymore." "Please don't threaten me, Adrian." "Why do you keep hurting me?" "Do you enjoy it?" "I'm giving you what you need." "It may not be what you want." "I need you." "That's what I need." "I'm so humiliated." "I've been such a prick." "Living here with you and Matt just hurts too much." "How do I make you love me again?" "I will always love you." "Things change." "We both need to accept that." "It can't ever be like it was." "I gave you my soul." "No." "No more." "Please, Mommy." "Please." "English" " SDH"