"You see?" "I told you." "What did you tell me?" "That you'll be sorry you encourage me to cry in therapy." "I'm not sorry at all." "You probably didn't think the first time I'd cry would look like this." "it's a little disappointing." "I thought it would be more liberating." "More fun." "And it's not?" "No." "Really not." "It's terrible." "I should've canceled." "I'm sorry." "Would you like some tea?" "I've got herbal tea." "Do you know I just spent 4 hours here at the park?" "but... the car's at the house." "I think it's there." "it's there." "I'm still freezing." "There was a moment I thought I'd knock and ask for a sweater." "When was this?" "Don't know." "Five..." "I don't remember." "It was still dark." "I was waiting for the sun to come up." "I've never waited for a sunrise this badly." "on a trip to Messada." "You know what I did?" "I held my phone and watched the minutes go by." "I froze." "too." "And I thought how idiotic it would be to die on a carousel in front of my psychologist's house." "My head's killing me." "Did you had a lot to drink?" "I should've canceled." "exposed." "Maybe you can try and tell me what happened?" "What happened?" "What didn't happen?" "Do you want the long version or the bottom line?" "Becasue the bottom line is simple:" "My life fell apart." "I want the long version." "I ran out on Avri." "from both of us." "Everything." "and... and after a few..." "Listen!" "I'm really not here." "I feel like you ARE here." "you'd be shocked by who's here." "I've done horrible things last night." "I'm afraid I'll vomit." "And?" "What if you did?" "I'd rather die than vomit on your carpet." "the carpet isn't the issue." "but in front of you." "There's just no way." "There's no way you'd lose control in front of me?" "waited outside." "You cried here for the first time." "I think you do you want lose control in front of me." "why would he call?" "He's probably worried." "Right(!" ")." "If he was really worried he wouldn't have started this whole mess." "at the pub." "looked like an orthodox." "I'll just tell him I'm here  I just can't concentrate..." "Na'ama." "The phone call to Avri can wait." "He gave an ultimatum." "We either get married or we split up." "he'd leave." "that he loves me..." "That he doesn't believe really I loved him..." "So now it will be "on" or "off"." "okay... last night I don't even remember what we did." "shut off the TV  Then I see he has tears in his eyes." "I can't do this anymore.'" "That's so wrong." "then started with this crying." "You know?" "He just broke out crying." "and honestly?" "It really scared me." "It also made you furious." "Yhea." "he uses girly tricks on me?" "right?" "Yhea." "You'd expect it would make me sympathetic or something." "and coddling." "I went into a tantrum like some 3 year old." "I cried." "I even sweared a little." "when he know all week long I'm working double shifts." "it fell on the floor." "in this..." "You know..." "That's not even mine." "to get me to see things in perspective." "...Said she's actually really jealous of me." "That she wished she had someone who loved her so much that they'd give her ultimatums." "So we drank." "Mostly me." "at the bar." "that she has to get going." "And when she left..." "He came and set next to me." "You know what he told me?" "He told me..." "'You look so sad.'" "I told him... 'Yhea?" "'" "He said 'Yhea." "And it suits you'" "Suits you... do you have the time"?" "What happened to... .."Don't I know you from somewhere"?" "Reuven." "What do you think?" "Does it suits me?" "The sadness?" "paid... to the toilet"." "the toilets are... you know?" "Yes." "Really?" "You do?" "You didn't strike as a party guy." "And.." "As he followed me into the toilet..." "I suddenly realized... he understood that..." "And I realized I needed to make a choice." "That..." "This guy is also setting an ultimatum." "from the frying pan to the fire.' and now this  Orthodox is standing with an erection." "And suddenly I wanted it." "I'd never fucked someone in the toilet." "I'm going to marry Avri without ever knowing what it's like to fuck in a toilet?" "that I'm doing this for my general knowledge." "Not in order to hurt Avri?" "Not as an answer for his ultimatum?" "Just for general knowledge?" "Yes." "Yes." "A girl's getting pressured into marriage... if she's doesn't want to die ignorant?" "And then he closed the door behind us  And it started to excite me in some way..." "Weird way" " You're disgusted by it..." "Does it turn you on?" "Keep going." "He opened his zipper and dropped down his..." "Pants and underpants and just stood there with a giant dick." "maybe because I only know Avri's and suddenly I felt like... and I was really surprised at how bouncy it is." "I didn't know that (!" ")" "and took off my... and lifted up my skirt." "pulled a condom out of his pocket." "I realized he was really skilled at this." "Really." "A true pro." "this story?" "No" "like..." "With really loud bursts." "And I was thinking about... exactly the same sound." "And..." "My heart flinched." "em... sad." "and I knew and I couldn't so I just closed my legs." "that I just  Just couldn't do that to Avri." "I just..." "Could'nt." "Quite a story." "and that's not all." "Because this idiot... but I can't so what?" "as if to say "What's with you?" "Calm down"." "and leave me... and he pointed to his dick." "He told me..." "At least make it up to me." "So I told him "What do you want?" "Money?" "and we'll part as friends"." "I said "Are you crazy?" "What's with you?" "because I realized something bad is happening." "And I started thinking about you." "What you'd say about it." "I pictured us talking about it in treatment." "What did you imagine us talking about?" "I imagined that you wouldn't want to hear it." "That you'll be disgusted." "And still you immediately came here." "Like it was important for you to disgust me." "I gave him a hand job." "Don't ask me why I did it." "I don't know." "I'm not asking you." "I haven't even washed my hands." "This shit is still all over my hand." "Na'ama?" "Everything's okay?" "Yhea." "Better?" "I want to understand something." "I was so swept away  That your entire talk with Avri took a back seat." "Where it belongs." "He was so miserable." "I don't like being in that position." "I don't want this power." "I don't" "Do you know the reason for Avri's timing?" "What do you mean?" "all of a sudden... just drop this ultimatum on you." "in the recent days or weeks that could've led to this?" "Nothing." "He just lost it." "don't you know that men became the new women?" "He's all hung up on marriage and children." "he lost all grip with reality." "He thinks I'm seeing someone." "right?" "That's where it all began." "It all started from that." "You said it started from nothing." "during supper..." "We had this weird conversation." "And I saw that he was cooking something up... and I asked what's wrong." "I just don't want this on and off thing"." "So I've told him "Let's decide this arbitrarily." "or we split." "So you were the one who said it." "What?" "You were the one who formed the ultimatum." "No..." "He's the one who said..." "He's the one who said he was tired from the on and off." "Not me." "But 'on and off' isn't something solid." "It's a state of mind." "It's a lot of things... or breakup." "Could it be that you also gave him that deadline?" "no." "I came up with." "and he said that if I don't decide within a day or two... then he'll leave." "Then he started crying." "Like he got scared from his own sentence." "And you?" "Weren't you scared of it?" "Of what?" "What happened?" "Form the idea of breaking up." "But it wasn't even the idea." "It wasn't even the point." "It wasn't the purpose of.." "Of what?" "Of the argument that you initiated?" "I didn't initiated it." "but that is what you did." "It seems like you wanted to get the relationship to a state of conflict." "Avri may be the one who keeps talking about the uncertainty." "But I think you're the one who can't live with it." "Why was it so important for you now to tackle this... uncertainty?" "Because he's right." "Avri's right." "I am cheating on him." "you still see last night as a betrayal." "Not last night." "I've been cheating on him for a long time." "It's interesting that you've never brought it up here." "I brought it here." "It's here all the time." "You mean to say you haven't felt it?" "or something..." "Surprised of what?" "I'm not really sure I understand..." "This really wasn't the response I wanted." "Really not." "What did you want?" "I had two scenarios in my head:" "Na'ama!" "but I wasn't sure." "I wanted you to say it" "And then we fuck on the couch." "And the second one?" "but without the fuck." "this is so..." "It's embarrassing to talk about it." "You're acting like you didn't know." "It's very humiliating." "How long..." "How long have you been feeling like this?" "A year." "Since the first session." "but.." "It only gotten worse." "You've become the center of my life." "You know..." "It accored to me that this is just another way for you to escape the ultimatum." "an un-realistic option." "a way for you to wiggle out of your relationship with Avri." "now I understand why I didn't fuck that orthodox guy." "Not because of Avri." "No.." "Not because I didn't want to cheat on him." "I wanted to." "But with you." "When I was sitting there alone." "At the bar  I imagined what it would be like if you'd walk in." "If you set at the bar." "Order a drink..." "I even assumed what you will order." "Maybe a whiskey." "Something pricey." "And then we start talking." "How awkward it is to meet outside of the office." "with no words Because we've already talked so much here... and I do." "I really thought it was you behind me." "And that's what made it exciting." "and it woke me." "And I suddenly realized this is... that it can't be possible in any way." "I know it." "I'm telling myself this every time." "Everytime I leave here." "I understand." "I'm just... not sure my body understands." "What do you understand?" "I understand that you're my shrink." "I understand that it can't happen." "I know it." "I'm not gonna show up at your home." "I'm not..." "Glenn Close from that movie." "I'm not..." "I'm not gonna cook your children's rabbit." "anyway." "How will I go home?" "no Avri." "When the only thing I care about is you?" "Nothing else matters to me." "Not really." "It doesn't matter to the tiny parts of my body that know it's wrong." "That it's impossible." "What are you feeling now?" "I feel like I came here at darkness  and I'm leaving here to an even bigger darkness." "A darkness of..." "I don't know what I'm going to do now." "We're out of time." "Yes." "You want to order a cab from here?" "I'll just.." "I'm okay." "How will you get home?" "{\cHFFFFFF\bord0}Sunday. 9AM." "Na'ama" "{\cHFFFFFF\bord0}BeTipul Season 1 Episode 1 Translated by Mataku"