"to a dreadful dynasty of vicious vampire ducks." "The Counts of Duckula!" "Legend has it that these fowl beings can be destroyed... by a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight." "This does not suffice, however... for they may be brought back to life... by means of a sacred rite... that can be performed once a century... when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius!" " Batswing blood." " I'll get it!" "The latest reincarnation did not run according to plan." "Ooh!" "In the heart of Transylvania" "In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah" "There's not a vampire zanier than" "Duckula" "He won't bite beast or man" "'Cause he's a vegetarian" "And things never run to plan for" "Duckula" "If you're lookin' for some fun" "You can always count upon" "The wild and wacky one they call" "Duckula" "Heh heh!" "Count Duckula!" "Heh heh heh!" "Here at the magnificent Opera House in Paris... glittering halls await the throng of glittering music lovers." "But far below in the very sewers... which flow beneath this beauteous building... a more sinister song can be heard." "Tonight I will be avenged" "Tonight I will pay them all back for mocking my work" "Tonight I will show them what true genius they deprive themselves of" "When they ridiculed me" "And forced me to hide away down here in this world of darkness" "Except for the light bits, all those years ago" "Show them once and for all that I am the greatest composer that ever lived" "Unfortunately for them" "My music will be the last thing they ever hear" "All is ready, a trap baited and set" "And finally the game is afoot" "There, it doesn't quite rhyme... but nevertheless it is brilliant." "Brilliant, I say." "Now, where's me cloak and mask?" "Krool?" "Krool, where are you, you lazy dog?" "Krool!" " Igor?" " Milord?" "Could you take my hat and cane to the cloakroom, please?" "Very good, milord." "And I'll take Nanny to our seats." "We've got a box, Nanny." "A box?" "Ooh, you'd think a place as grand as this... would have proper chairs, wouldn't you?" "Oh, I do beg your pardon." "Oh, don't mention it." "My fault, probably." "Yes, I..." "Just a moment." "It can't be." "It is, after all these years." "Krool." "It is Krool, isn't it?" "Usually." "Krool, you must remember me..." "Igor, class of '33." "You were top in dungeon maintenance and torture techniques." "Igor?" "Igor, my old fiend..." "I mean friend." "Fiend will do very nicely." "Only these days..." "What brings you to this neck of the woods?" "Neck... oh, how appropriate." "I am accompanying the young Count Duckula." "And you?" "I sort of work here." "Work here?" "Isn't that rather beneath you?" "It's beneath everybody, if you catch my drift." "I work for... the Phantom." "The Phantom?" "I always knew you'd make the grade." "Oh, thank you, thank you." "You're too kind." "But if you take my advice... you will leave this theater immediately." "My master is planning something... so wicked, so fiendishly evil... that it makes even my blood turn cold." "Evil?" "Did you say evil?" "Oh, how it does my heart good to hear that word." "Yes." "He plans to kidnap the prima donna the great Elvira." "He will carry her off to his secret lair... in the sewers beneath this theater... and force her to sing one of his own compositions, and then..." "Please, please don't go on." "You're making me jealous." "Oh, how I miss a little evil." "It's so long since I did anything really wicked." "If only my master were half as malevolent as his father... and his father's father, but..." "There." "Oh, well." "You have my best wishes, Krool." "I shall look forward to the performance with interest." "Au revoir." "But I have not told you about the finale." "I'm sure it will be a show stopper, all right." "Ooh, they've started without us." "Hmm?" "No, not yet, they haven't, Nanny." "This is what we opera buffs call tuning up." "Oh, it's a lovely little tune and all." "Somebody ought to put words to it... and then we could all have a sing-song." "No, Nanny, tuning up is..." "Well, it's..." "Anyway, where's Igor got to?" "He's going to miss the beginning." "Well, that was all over quickly." "Hardly worth getting all dressed up for." "No, it hasn't started yet, Nanny." "Ooh." "Where have you been, Igor?" "Oh, I'm so sorry, milord." "I met an old friend in the foyer." "An old colleague." "Quite a coincidence." "Yes, yes, Igor, you can bore me about him later." "The opera's about to start." "Ah, there you are, Krool, and not before time." "Has it started yet?" "I will just check, your evilness." "My evilness doesn't need checking." "It is in perfect working order." "Just tell me whether the opera has started yet, worm." "It has started, master." "Excellent, excellent." "Then it is time to put me plan into operation." "Very shortly we will have snatched the great Elvira from under their noses." "This is the big one." "And they don't come much bigger than the great Elvira." "She certainly is a big woman." "I hope she won't be too big for Krool." "After all, he's not as young as he was." "Maybe I should slip out in the interval and offer the Phantom my services." "After all, it's not every day I get the chance to do something wicked." "Igor, please." "This is a particularly moving passage." "Ah, the interval." "Well, Nanny, what did you think of the first act?" "Hmm?" "Nanny?" "Oh, you enjoyed it that much?" "Oh, and what about you, Igor?" "Igor?" "Down below, Krool said... so down below I shall go." "Krool?" "Krool?" "Is anybody there?" "Ah, there you are, Krool." "I'd recognize that squint anywhere." "Igor, my friend, we meet again." "Allow me to introduce my master... the Phantom of the Opera." "So, you are the one they call Igor." "I am pleased to meet you." " And Krool?" " Yes, master." " Put that organ away." " Yes, master." "Thank you." "Now, Igor, what can I do for you?" "Well, it's like this, Mr. Opera." "I think we can be of help to each other." "Igor?" "Igor?" "Ooh!" "Whew!" "Boy, that was close!" "I could have fallen down there." "That's a stupid place to leave a hole." "Igor!" "Igor!" "Oh, he's not here." "Huh." "Huh." "Well, that doesn't look like him." "Oh, well, he wasn't among that lot." "Igor!" "Igor!" "Igor!" "Oh, where's everyone gone to, then?" "Duckypoos, where are you?" "Mr. Igor?" "Duckypoos?" "Oh, don't tell me they've gone off home without me." "Duckypoos!" "It is almost time for her solo." "When I give the word, Krool, you will hit that switch." "That will turn out every light in the theater... and then, under cover of darkness... we shall all rush onto the stage and grab the great Elvira." "Duckypoos, where are you?" "Now!" "Oh, save us!" "What's happening?" "Duckypoos!" "Help!" "Grab her!" "Help!" "The lights!" "Someone turned out the lights!" "Got her." "Now back to the sewers... and quick!" "At last!" "At last!" "After all these years..." "I have finally pulled it off!" "Congratulations, master." "Indeed, allow me to add my congratulations on your coup." "It made such a pleasant change to be really evil once in a while." "You're so right." "And in a little under two minutes... that theater full of musical morons above us will find out just how evil I can be." "What does he mean?" "I tried to tell you earlier, but you wouldn't listen." "That's it." "Nobody listens." "And even when they did listen, they laughed... and even when they laughed, they didn't laugh much." "But tonight, tonight... the laugh will be on the other foot." "The shoe is on the other side of their faces." "Oh, yes, the last laugh will be mine." "Shortly, it will be time for Elvira to sing her final solo... but this time she will be singing one of my compositions." "And this will be the last thing they will ever hear." "Observe the organ." "You will notice the large tube in the middle." "That contains an explosive device... that will be triggered the moment she hits top C." "Then the theater and everyone in it will be destroyed." "Destroyed, do you hear?" "What a horrendously fiendish plot." "Yes, I thought you'd like it." "Yes." "It's so evil." "But the young master..." "I must warn the master." "It is my duty to protect the Duckulas, even that one." "There is no time for warnings." "The hour is nigh." "But you cannot." "Curses!" "I have no alternative but to stop Elvira from singing." "And just when I was enjoying myself, too." "There's only one thing for it." "Oh!" "Ah!" "Stop him, Krool!" "He'll ruin me plan." "Ow!" "Ha ha ha ha!" "So, perish all... who try to thwart the one known as the Phantom." "Tie him up, Krool... and make sure he has a good seat for the show." "Igor!" "Igor!" "Oh, this is getting beyond a joke." "Igor!" "Aah!" "Oh!" "Ow!" "Oh, I said that was a stupid place to leave a manhole... or a duckhole, even." "Where am I?" "Can't see a thing down here." "And now, me dear... it is time for you to give the performance of your life." "Sing, my beauty, sing." "M-Master?" "Not now, Krool." "Can't you see I'm gloating?" "But, master..." "Oh, what is it, you tiresome wretch?" "Master, the great Elvira cannot sing with the gag in her mouth." "Yes, yes, I know that, imbecile." "Shall I remove the gag, master?" "Yes, of course, remove the gag." "Oh, that's better." "Now, have either of you two gentlemen seen my Duckypoos?" "D-D-Duckypoos?" "Oh, hello, Mr. Igor." "Are you here, too?" "Have you seen him?" "Oh, dear, Mr. Igor." "You're not looking at all well." "What is going on?" "Am I going mad?" "Krool?" "Um, yes, master?" "Who is that?" "I don't know, master." "It is not the great Elvira." "No, master." "No?" "Krool?" "Yes, master?" "What are you?" "A stupid, useless, bungling, idiotic, fat-headed dolt, master?" "Yes, Krool... you stupid, useless, bungling, idiotic, fat-headed..." "Crumpt, Crumpt!" "Dolt, master?" "Dolt!" "The plan is ruined, thanks to your complete incompetence." "We need a singer... a singer with a voice powerful enough to..." "Wait." "Perhaps all is not lost." "Can you sing?" "Oh, yes, I likes a nice sing-song now and then." "You should hear me when I'm dusting." "Let us try some scales." "Repeat after me." "Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me" "You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you" "Ah, there you are, Nanny." "I thought I recognized those dulcet tones." "And, Igor... you, too." "I've been looking all over for you." "So, you must be the one who is known as Count Duckula." "Well, um, maybe." "But first, who are you?" "I am he whom they call the Phantom of the Opera." "Ah, you are he who..." "he who... he... they... who..." "Ah, good, good." "And what do they call him?" "Apart from repulsive, that is." "He is the one they call Krool." "And he is about to tie you up." " Krool?" " Yes, master." " Tie him up." " Now, just hold on there one..." "You know something?" "He may be small, but, boy, is he wiry." "Oh, what, are you doing to my little Duckypoos?" "I'm merely making sure that you have a captive audience... for your recital, me dear." "Oh, that's nice." "It's not nice, Nanny." "I don't like being tied up." "Silence!" "Not another word, or I shall let Krool here practice his hobby on you." "Oh, oh, yes, please, master." "You are, huh?" "What's he going to do... stamp-collect me into unconciousnessnessness?" "Enough." "Krool, prepare her for her performance." "Where am I?" "What happened?" "Funny you should ask that, Igor." "I was about to ask you the same question." "Milord, it's you." "Yes, well, it was when I woke up this morning... but since I arrived in this dump I'm beginning to have my doubts." "Oh, milord, milord." "I'm so sorry." "This is all my fault." "Huh." "It is, eh?" "Well, in that case, remind me to have sharp words with you... when we get home." "What are we laughing about?" "No more, for it is time." "Stand up, me dear." "Stand up and sing." "Sing?" "Nanny?" "Ha!" "Oh, no!" "I'm beginning to see what you mean, Igor." "Help!" "Let your voice soar to the heavens, me dear." "And particularly, I must hear a high C." "A high C, eh?" "Well, if you go to the coast, I think the tide's in." "Oh, no!" "Enough, enough!" "Please, no more!" "I can take no more!" " Krool." " Yes, Master." "Pack me bags." "We're leaving this place forever." "But what about your plans?" "What about the theater and the musical morons?" "It's no good, Krool." "I know when I'm beaten." "Come, and quickly!" "Me head hurts." "Goodbye, old friend." "Goodbye, Krool." "We may meet again." "Maybe." "Well, don't just stand there." "Untie us." "Oh, all right, Duckypoos." "Oh, what's up, Nanny?" "He didn't like my singing!" "Oh, dear!" "Well, obviously, a person of no taste, Nanny." "L..." "I think you sang up a storm." "Oh, do you?" "Yes, of course I do, Nanny." "Yes." "Now, let's get out of here, huh?" "Well, by my calculation, we should be just in time to catch the last..." "Hey, where'd everybody go?" "Where is everyone?" "Hello?" "Anyone at home?" "Maybe they heard Nanny singing, milord." "Yeah, that's a point." "That would have scared them off all right, huh?" "Oh, and I thought you liked my singing." "Yes, yes, I know that, Nanny... but, well, that was because... you see..." "Oh, never mind." "Let's go home, huh?" "Looks like no more opera tonight, and no more opera at all... for that crazy guy in the mask and the cloak." "Oh, don't forget to close the door, Igor." "That was a perfect top C, milord." "Now, see here, y'all." "You just gotta let me in, I tell ya." "I am the greatest country and western singer... the world has ever knowed." "Yep, and I'm Davy Crockett." "Now get!" "You'll be sorry." "You will regret this." "I shall get even." "I shall finish you." "Krool?" "Find me a map of the sewers... for soon these cowboy cretins will taste the revenge... of the Phantom of the..." "Opry!" "And so, as screams of anguish echo... over the Nashville skyline... we say once more... good night, you all, whatever you are." "You take care now." "If you're feeling..." "Or you're kind of..." "Could be you've met up with" "Duckula" "If your knees go..." "And your teeth go..." "Maybe you've bumped into" "Duckula" "He flies through the night" "Looking for a bite" "But he's back home by daylight" "Duckula" "If you're sort of..." "Or you're a little..." "It's certain you've run into" "Duckula" "If your heart goes..." "Or your mind goes..." "Man, you had a brush with" "Duckula" "So watch out for the..." "Beware of the..." "And pray you'll never meet with" "Duckula" "Count Duckula"