" Pick up that hammer, boy." " Yes, sir, boss." "Go on, hit it!" "Go!" "Say, any of you boys smithies?" "Or if not smithies, trained in the metallurgic arts, before circumstances forced you into a life of wandering'?" "Jesus!" "Can't I count on you people?" "Sorry, Everett." "Well, all right." "If we take off through that bayou..." "Wait a minute!" "Who elected you leader of this outfit?" "I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought, but if that ain't the consensus, then hell, let's vote." "Suits me!" "I'm votin' for yours truly." "Well, I'm votin' for yours truly, too." "OK." "I'm with you fellas." " Mind if we join you, old-timer?" "Join me, m'son." "Join me." "You work for the railroad, grandpa?" "I work for no man." " Got a name, do you?" " I have no name." "That may be why you had difficulty finding gainful employment." "Y'see, in the mart of competitive commerce..." "You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains." "You will find a fortune, though it will not be the fortune you seek." "But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril, mm-hmm." "You shall see things... wonderful to tell." "You shall see a... a cow... on the roof of a cotton house, ha." "And, oh, so many startlements." "I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has... vouchsafed your reward." "Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation." "No, the treasure's still there, believe me." "But how'd he know about it?" "I don't know, Delmar." "The blind reputedly possess sensitivities compensating for lack of sight, to the point of developing psychic powers." "Clearly, seeing the future falls into that category." "It's not so surprising, then, that one lacking earthly vision..." "He said we wouldn't get the treasure we seek, on account of our obstacles." "What the hell does an ignorant old man know?" "Jesus, Pete." "I told you I buried it myself." "If your cousin still has this farm and shoeing' impedimenta to restore liberty of movement..." "Hold it right there!" " You men from the bank?" "You Wash's boy?" "Yes, sir." "Daddy told me to shoot who's ever from the bank." "We ain't from the bank, young fella." "Yes, sir." "I'm supposed to shoot folks serving' papers." " We ain't got no papers, neither." " I nicked the census man." "Now, there's a good boy." "Is... is your daddy about?" "Hello, Pete." "Who are your friends?" "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr Hogwallop." " My name's Ulysses Everett McGill..." " I'm Delmar O'Donnel." "How you been, Wash?" "Been what, 12, 13 years?" "Yeah..." "I expect you want them chains knocked off." "They foreclosed on cousin Bishop." "He hanged hisself a year come May." "And Uncle Radcliffe?" "The anthrax took most of his cows." "The rest don't milk." "He lost a boy to mumps." "Where's Cora, Cousin Wash?" "Couldn't say." "Mrs Hogwallop up and R-U-N-N-O-F-T." "She must have been lookin' for answers." "Possibly." "Good riddance, as far as I'm concerned." "I do miss her cooking, though." " This stew's awful good." " Think so?" "I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday." "I'm afraid she's startin' to turn." "'That winds up the Pass The Biscuits Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour." "'This is Pappy O'Daniel 'hopin' you been enjoyin' that old-timey music." "'And remember, 'when you're fixing to bake a mess of biscuits, 'use cool, clear water 'and good, pure, Pappy O'Daniel flour. '" "Well, guess I'll be turnin' in." "Say, uh, cousin Wash," "I suppose it'd be the acme of foolishness to ask if you had a hair net." "We got a bunch in yon bureau." "Mrs Hogwallop's, matter of fact." "Help yourself." "I won't be needing 'em." " All right, boys!" "How's my hair?" "It's the authorities!" "We got you surrounded." "Damn, we're in a tight spot." "Just come on out and grab at air!" "And don't try nothin' fancy." "Your situation is pretty nigh hopeless." " Damn!" "We're in a tight spot!" " What in the Sam Hill...?" "Pete's cousin turned us in." "What the hell you sayin'?" "!" "Wash is kin!" "Sorry, Pete!" "I know we're kin, but they got this depression on." "I got to do for me and mine." "I'm gonna kill you, Judas Iscariot Hogwallop!" "You miserable, horse-eatin' son of a..." "Damn!" "We're in a tight spot!" "Damn his eyes!" "Pa always said, "Never trust a Hogwallop. "" "Come and get us, coppers!" "You leave us no choice but to smoke you out." "We're in a tight spot." "Light her up!" "Hold up!" "Ain't you ever heard of negotiating'?" "We could talk this thing out." "I hate fire!" "You lousy, yella-bellied..." "Pete, we need one voice." "Careful with that fire!" "Light the loft, son." "Aah!" "I hate fire!" "Gapped-toothed, carpetbaggin', motherless spawn of hell!" "Step back." "Damn it." "Look out." "Holy Saint Christopher!" "Get away from that, she's liquid fire!" " Take cover, boys!" "It ain't popcorn!" "Scatter, boys!" "God damn it!" "Get in, boys!" "I'm gonna R-U-N-N-O-F-T!" "Come on, boys, come on!" "Come on!" "What are you doing here?" "You ought to be in bed, clump snatcher." "You ain't the boss of me!" "You candy-butted, car-thievin' sos-and-sos!" "I curse your name!" "Go back home and mind your pa!" "What's the damn problem?" "I can get the part from Bristol in two weeks." "Your pomade." "Two weeks?" "That don't do me no good." "Nearest Ford auto man's Bristol." "Hold on." "I don't want this pomade, I want Dapper Dan." "I don't carry Dapper Dan." "I carry Fop." "I don't want Fop, god damn it!" "I'm a Dapper Dan man!" "Watch your language, this is a public market." "Now, if you want Dapper Dan, I can have it in a coupla weeks." "Ain't this a geographical oddity!" "Two weeks from everywhere." "Forget it." "Just a dozen hair nets." "Well, didn't look like a one-horse town, but try finding a decent hair jelly." " Gopher, Everett?" " No transmission belt for two weeks." "Huh?" "They dam that river on the 21st." " Today is the 17th." " Don't I know it." "We got but four days to get to that treasure." "After that, it'll be at the bottom of a lake." "We won't make it walkin'." " Right..." " Gopher?" "But the old tactician's got a plan." "For the transportation, not keeping my coiffure in order." "How's this a plan?" "How we gonna get a car?" "Sell that." "I figure you can only have painful association for Wash." ""To Washington Bartholomew Hogwallop," ""from his lovin' Cora." " "Amor fidel... is."" " It was in his bureau," "I reckon it'll fetch us enough for a good auto voiture and a little leftover besides." "Whoo!" "You got light fingers, Everett." " Gopher?" " You miserable little snake." "You stole from my kin!" "Who was fixin' to betray us." "You didn't know that at the time." "So I borrowed it till I did know." "That don't make no sense!" "A fool seeks logic in the chambers of the heart." " What the hell is that singing?" "Appears to be some kind of a... congregation." "Care for some gopher?" "No, thank you, Delmar." "A third of a gopher'd only arouse my appetite without bedding' her back down." "Oh, you can have the whole thing." "Me and Pete already had one." "We ran across a whole... gopher... village." "Well, I guess hard times flush the chumps." "Everybody's lookin' for answers." "Where the hell's he going?" "The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost." "Well, I'll be a son of a bitch." "Delmar's been saved." "Well, that's it, boys." "I been redeemed." "The preacher done washed away all my sins and transgressions." "It's the straight and narrow from here on out." "And heaven everlasting's my reward." "Delmar, what are you on about?" "We got bigger fish to fry." "The preacher said all my sins is washed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo." "You said you was innocent of that." "Well, I was lyin'." "And the preacher said that that sin's been washed away, too." "Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now." "Come on in, boys." "The water is fine." "Come on, boy." "There, boy." "Good doggy." "All right, boys, we got the scent." " The preacher said it absolved us." " For Him, not for the law." "I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar." " But witnesses seen us redeemed." " That's not the issue, Delmar." "Even square with the Lord, Mississippi's hard-nosed." "You shoulda joined us, Everett." "It couldn'a hurt none." "Hell, it woulda washed away the stink of that pomade." "Joining you fools in superstition?" "Thank you, anyway." "And I like the smell of my hair, the pleasing' odour's half the point." "Baptism!" "You two are dumber than a bag of hammers." "You're my cross to bear." "Pull over, Everett." "Let's give that coloured boy a lift." "You folks going past Tishomingo?" "Sure, hop in." "How you doin', son?" "Name's Everett." "These two soggy sons of bitches are Pete and Delmar." "Keep your fingers away from Pete's mouth, he ain't eaten for 13 years, 'cept prison food and greasy horse." "Thanks for the lift, sir." "My name's Tommy." "Tommy Johnson." "How you doin', Tommy?" "Say, I haven't seen a house out here for miles." "Why are you out in the middle of nowhere?" "I had to be at that crossroads last midnight." "Sell my soul to the devil." "Ain't it a small world, spiritually speaking'?" "Pete and Delmar just been saved." "I'm the only one still unaffiliated." "It's no laughin' matter." "What'd the devil give you for it?" "Well, he taught me to play this here guitar real good." "Oh, son, for that you traded your everlasting soul?" "Well, I wasn't using' it." "I've always wondered, what's the devil look like?" "Well, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, but Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail," " and he carries a hayfork." " Oh, no." "No, sir." "He's white." "As white as you folks." "With empty eyes and a big, hollow voice." "He travelled around with a mean old hound, that's right." "He told you to go to Tishomingo?" "Well, no, sir." "Why, that was my idea." "I heard there's a man there, pays folks money to sing into his can." "They say he pays extra if'n you play real good." "Tishomingo, huh?" "How much he pay?" "All right, boys, follow my lead." "Hello?" " Who's the honcho here?" " I am." "Who are you?" "Well, sir, I'm Jordan Rivers, and these are the Soggy Bottom Boys, out of Cottonillia, Mississippi." "Songs of salvation to salve the soul." "Uh, we hear that you pay good money to sing into a can." "Well, that all depends." "You boys do Negro songs?" "Um..." "Well, uh, sir, we are Negroes." "All except for our accomp... accomp..." "the fella that plays the guitar." "Yeah, well, I don't record Negro songs." "No, I'm lookin' for some old-timey material." "People can't seem to get enough since we started broadcasting it on the Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour, so thank you for stopping by, but..." "Sir, the Soggy Bottom Boys have been steeped in old-timey material." " Heck, we're silly with it." " That's right." "Right." "We ain't really Negroes." "All except for our accompanist." "Whoo!" "Hot damn, son!" "You did sell your soul to the devil!" "Whoo-ee!" "Boy, that was some mighty fine a-pickin' and a-singin'." "I'll tell you what." "Ahem." "You come on in here, you... you sign these papers here, I'm gonna give you $10 apiece." "Uh, OK, sir, but Mert and uh..." "Aloysious'll have to sign x's." " Only four of us can write." " That'd be fine." " Ha ha!" " Whoo!" "Hey, mister, I don't mean to tell tales out of school, but there's a fella in there'll pay you $10 if you sing into his can." "I'm not hear to make a record, you dumb cracker." "They broadcast me on the radio." "That's Governor Menelaus "Pappy" O'Daniel." "He'd sure like it if you ate his farina and voted him a second term." " Finest in Mississippi." " In any state." "Lord, yes." "Every parish." "Ain't you gonna press the flesh, Pappy?" "I'll press your flesh, you dim-witted son'bitch." "Don't tell me how to court the electorate." "We ain't one-at-a-timin'." "We're mass communicating'!" "Oh, yes, that's a powerful new force." "Shake a leg, Junior." "Thank God your mammy died giving' birth, she'd have died of shame." "Well, hi there!" "How you doin'?" "Let's bed down here for the night." "Yeah, it stinks in that old barn." "Suits me." "Pretty soon it'll be nothin' but featherbeds and silk sheets." "A million dollars." "Million point two." "500, 000 each." "400, Delmar." "Pete, what are you gonna do with your share of the treasure?" "Go out west somewhere." "Open a fine restaurant." "I'm gonna be the maitre d'." "Greet all the swells." "Go to work every day in a bow tie, tuxedo." "And all the staff say "yes, sir" and..." ""no, sir..."" "and "in a jiffy, Pete. "" "And all my meals for free." "What about you, Delmar, what are you gonna do with your share of that dough?" "I'm gonna visit them foreclosin' son of a guns down at the Indianola Savings and Loan." "Slap that money on the barrel head and buy back the family farm." "You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land." "What about you, Everett?" "What you have in mind when you stole it in the first place?" "Ahem." "I... didn't have no plan." "Well, that hardly sounds like you." "All right, boys!" "It's the authorities!" "Your situation is purty nigh hopeless!" "Damn, they found our car." "We ain't got the time and nary the inclination to chat with you boys any further." "Damn, we got to skedaddle." "I left my pomade in the car." "Maybe I can creep up." "Don't be a fool, Everett." "We got to R-U-N-N-O-F-T." "Where's Tommy?" "Already lit out, scared out of his wits." "Let's go!" "Well, hell, it ain't square one." "Ain't no one gonna pick up three filthy, unshaved hitchhikers." "And one of them a know-it-all who can't keep his trap shut." "The rancour reflected in that remark I won't dignify with comment." "But I'll address your general attitude of hopeless negativism." "Consider the lilies of the goddam field." "Or, hell, look at Delmar as your paradigm of hope." "Yeah." "Look at me." "You may call it unreasoning optimism, you may call it obtuse, but the plain and simple fact is we got close to... three days before they..." ".. dam that river." "Is this the road to Itta Bena?" "Uh..." "Itta Bena?" "Itta Bena?" "Stay on this here road." "That ain't right, I was thinking of, uh..." " Take this road." " Nah, that ain't right." "Seems to me there's a road..." "Cow road that used to lead all the way..." "Well, most of the way..." "Er, that ain't right, either." " Hop in while you give it a think." " Right." "Delmar." "Any of you boys know your way around a Walther PPK?" "Well, we can't help." "I don't believe it's in Mississippi." "Friend, some of your folding money has come unstowed." "Just stuff it down that sack, will you?" "You boys aren't bad men, I take it?" "Well, it's funny you should ask." "I was bad till yesterday, but me and Pete here been saved." "I'm Delmar, and that there is Everett." "George Nelson." "It's a pleasure." "Grab the tiller, will you, buddy?" "Hand me that chopper." "Say, what line of work you in, George?" "Ha ha ha ha!" "Come and get me, coppers!" "You flatfooted, lame-brained, soft-ass sons of bitches!" "Ah ha ha ha ha!" "No one can catch me!" "I'm George Nelson!" "I'm bigger than any John, live or limp!" "I'm ten an' a half feet tall!" "Cows." "I hate cows worse than coppers!" "Oh, George..." "Not the livestock." "Come on, you miserable salaried sons of bitches!" "Come and get me!" "Come on, boys, we're going for the record." "Three banks in two hours!" "OK, folks, hold the applause and drop your drawers!" "I'm George Nelson, and I'm here to sack the city Itta Bena!" "He's a live wire, though, ain't he?" "All the money in a bag." "What are you lookin' at, grandpa?" "Pardon me, George, you got a plan for escaping'?" "Sure, boys." "Here's my plan." "Ha ha ha ha!" "They ain't never seen ordnance like this!" "Thank you, folks." "And remember, Jesus saves, but George Nelson withdraws!" "Go fix the auto voiture, Pete." "Is it Babyface Nelson?" "Who said that?" "What ignorant, low-down, slanderisin' son of a bitch said that?" "!" "My name is George Nelson, get me?" "!" "She didn't mean nothin' by it, George." "George Nelson!" "Not Babyface!" "You remember!" "And you tell your friends!" "I'm George Nelson." "Born to raise hell." "Well, that was some fun, now, wasn't it, George?" "Yeah." "Almost makes me wish I hadn'ta been saved." "Jacking up banks." "I can see how a fella'd derive a whole lot of pleasure and satisfaction out of it." " It's OK." " Hoo, dawgies!" "Well..." "I'm takin' off." "You boys might as well keep my..." "share of the riches." "Well, where are you going, George?" "I don't know." "Who cares?" "Now, what do you suppose is eatin' George?" "Well, they say that with the thrill-seeking personality, what goes up must come down." "Top of the world one minute, sad the next." "Yes, sir, it's as if our old friend George is a alley cat and his own damn humours are swingin' him by the tail." "I wouldn't worry, Delmar." "He'll be back on top again." "I don't think we've seen the last of George Nelson." "'Don't be saps for Pappy." "'Homer Stokes for governor." "'Let's sweep this state clean." "Vote for Stokes, brother. '" "Aw, shh shh." "Hang on!" "I'm gonna slap one on here." "Folks, here's my cousin Ezra's niece," "Eudora from out of Greenwood, doin' a little number with her cousin Tom-Tom, which I predict you gonna enjoy thoroughly." "Now, what can I do you for, Mr French?" "How can I lay a hold of them Soggy Bottom Boys?" "Soggy Bottom." "I don't precisely recollect them." "They cut a record a few days ago, an old-timey harmony thing, with a guitar accomp... accomp..." "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember them." "Coloured fellas, I believe." "Yes, sir, they a fine bunch of boys." "They sang into yonder can, then skedaddled." "Well, that record is just goin' through the goddam roof." " They playin' it far away as Mobile." " No." "Whole damn state's goin' apey." "Well, it was a powerful air." "Hot damn, we gotta find them boys and sign 'em to a fat contract." "Hell's bells, Mr Lund, if we don't, the goddam competition will." "Oh, mercy, yes, we got to beat that competition." " Yes, sir." " Yes, sir." "Woo hoo, whoo!" "Delmar!" "Over here!" "Do you have the Soggy Bottom Boys performing "Man of Constant Sorrow"?" "No, ma'am." "We got a new shipment in yesterday." "Sorry, but we just can't keep 'em on our shelves." "How are you?" "Delmar, come on." "Go." "# Go to sleep, you little baby" "Shut up, Delmar." "Ohh!" "Pull over!" "Pull over!" "Guess old Pete's got the itch." " Howdy do, ladies?" "Name of Pete." "You gonna introduce us?" "I don't know their names." "I seen 'em first!" "Ladies, my name is Ulysses Everett McGill, and, well, you three ladies are about the... the prettiest..." "Water lilies, uh..." " Corn liquor." "Everett." " Everett." " My hair!" "Look at this." "Pete!" "Where the heck are you?" "!" "Pete!" "We ain't got time for hide-and-seek!" "We ain't got time for shenanigans!" "Sweet Jesus, Everett." "They left his heart!" "Delmar, what the heck's got into you?" "Can't you see it, Everett?" "Them sirens did this to Pete." "They loved him up and turned him into a... horny toad." "Pete!" "Pete!" "Pete!" "Pete!" "Pete!" "Pete!" "Pete!" "Pete, it's me..." "Delmar." "It's me..." "Delmar." " Everett." " Delmar, what the...?" "!" "What are we gonna do?" "!" "I'm not sure that's Pete." "Of course it's Pete." "Look at him." "We got to find some kind of..." "wizard can change him back." "I'm just not sure that's Pete." "You can't display a toad in a fine restaurant." "Folks'd go off their feed." "Hey." "I just don't think it's right keeping him under wraps like we was ashamed of him." "If it is Pete, I am ashamed of him." "He got what he deserved, fornicatin' with some whore of Babylon." "These things don't happen for no reason." "It's a judgment on Pete's character." "Well, the two of us was fixin' to fornicate." "You'll have to excuse my rusticated friend, unaccustomed as he is to city manners." "Hmm?" "I guess we'll have a couple of steaks and some, uh, gratine potatoes, and wash it down with your finest bubbly wine." "Oh, I don't suppose you have any..." "Maybe the chef could prepare..." "Just bring us a couple of leaves of raw cabbage." " Yes, sir." " Thank you." "I don't believe I've seen you boys." "Allow me to introduce myself." "Name of Daniel Teague, known around here as Big Dan Teague," "Or, pressed for time, Big Dan!" "Tout court!" "Name's Ulysses Everett McGill." "My associate, Delmar O'Donnel." "I detect, like me, you're endowed with the gift of gab." "I flatter myself such is the case." "In my line, it's plum necessary." "The one thing you don't want... is air in the conversation." "Again we agree." "What kind of work you do, Big Dan?" "Sales, Mr McGill, sales!" "What do I sell?" "The truth, every blessed word of it." "From Genesis down to Revelations." "Yes, the word of God, which, let me say, there's damn good money in during these times of woe and want." "People want answers, and Big Dan sells the only book that's got 'em." "And what do you do, you and your, uh, tongue-tied friend?" "We, uh..." "We're adventurers, sir, pursuing an opportunity, but we're open to others as well." "I like you." "I'm gonna propose you a proposition." "You cover my bill for now, get your dinner wrapped picnic-style and we'll retire to more private environs, where I'll reveal how to make vast amounts of money in the service of God Almighty." "Well, why not?" "I can use some civilised conversation." "Don't forget your shoe box, friend." "Damn shame!" "Goddam campaign is lagging!" "We need a shot in the arm." "Hear me, boys?" "In the goddam arm!" "Election held tomorrow, that sumbitch Stokes would win in a walk!" "He's the reform candidate, Daddy." " Yeah?" " A lot of people like that reform." "Maybe we should get us some." "I'll reform you, you soft-headed son of a bitch." "How we gonna run reform?" "We're the incumbent!" "Is that the best you can come up with?" "Reform?" "!" "Weepin' Jesus on the cross." "That's it!" "Start drafting my concession speech right now." "OK, Pappy." "I'm just making a point, you stupid son'bitch." " Give me back that hat!" " Pappy's just makin' a point." "Shut up!" "Thank you for that fricassee." "I'm a man of large appetites." "Even with lunch under my belt, I was a mite peckish." "Our pleasure." "Thank you as well for the conversational hiatus." "I generally refrain from speech during gustation." "There are those who attempt both at the same time." "I find it coarse and vulgar." " Where were we?" " Making money in the Lord's service." "Friend, when you do speak, it's to the point and I salute you." "Yes, Bible sales." "The trade is not complicated." "There are two things to learn..." "One, find a wholesaler, the word of God in bulk, as it were." "Two, recognise your customer." "Who are you dealing with?" "It's an exercise in psychology, so to speak." "And it is that which I propose to give you a lesson in right now." "I like to think I'm an astute observer of the human scene, too." "No doubt, brother." "I figured as much at the restaurant." "That's why I invited you all out here for this advanced tutorial." "What's going on, Big Dan?" "It's all about the money, boys!" "That's it!" "Gol... durned... money!" "I don't get it." "Raah!" "I'll just take your show cards." " Yaah!" "And whatever you got in the hole." "What the..." "there ain't nothin' but a damn toad." "No, you don't understand." "That's Pete." "Pete." "You know these give you warts?" "End of lesson." "So long, boys." "Hee hee hee!" "See you in the funny papers." "Y'all seen the end of Big Dan Teague." "Where are they?" "Talk, you unreconstructed whelp of a whore!" "Where they headed?" " Aah!" " Your screams won't save your flesh." " Aah!" " Only your tongue is, boy." " Where they headed?" " Aah!" "Whoa, hound." "Sweet summer rain." "Like God's own mercy." "Your two friends have abandoned you, Pete." "They don't seem to care about your hide." "OK." "Stairway to heaven, Pete." "We shall all meet by and by." "God damn it!" "God forgive me!" "Hold." "Believe me, Delmar, he would have wanted us to press on." "Pete, rest his soul, was one sourass son of a bitch and not given to pointless sentimentality." "It don't seem right getting the treasure without him." "Maybe it's for the best he was squished." "Why, he... was barely a sentient being and... when we clean up and get a little smellum in our hair, we're gonna feel 100% better about ourselves and about..." "life in general." "Must be near Parchment Farm." "Sorry sons of bitches." "Seems like a year ago we busted off the farm." "Pete got a brother?" "Not that I'm aware." "Heat must be getting to me." "That was wonderful." "That sure was." "Yes." "Now, I know The Sunnysiders would agree with me when I say that the great state of Mississippi cannot afford four more years of Pappy O'Daniel!" "Four more years of cronyism!" "Nepotism!" "Rascalism!" "Of service to the interests!" "Now, the choice, she's a clear 'un." "Pappy O'Daniel, slave of the interests..." "Homer Stokes, servant of the little man." "Right, little fella?" "He ain't lying'!" "Ladies and gentlemen, the little man has admonished me to grasp the broom of reform and sweep this state clean!" "It's gonna be, "Back to the flour mill, Pappy!"" "The interests can handle themselves!" "Come Tuesday, we're gonna sweep the rascals out!" "Clean government is yours for the asking!" "Folks, now the little Wharvey gals!" "Wharvey gals?" "Did he just say "little Wharvey gals?"" "Come here, girls." "What y'all gonna sing for us?" ""ln the Highways"." " God damn it all!" " You know them gals, Everett?" "Hey, girls!" "Daddy!" "Daddy!" "Ha ha ha!" "Daddy?" "He ain't our daddy." "Hell I ain't." "What's this Wharvey?" "You're McGills." "Not since you got hit by that train." "What?" "I wasn't hit by a train." " Mama says you was hit by a train." " Blooey!" "Nothin' left." "Just a grease spot on the I  N." "Damn it, I wasn't hit by any train!" "Mama's got us back to Wharvey." " That's her maiden name." " You got a maiden name, Daddy?" "Daddy don't have a maiden name..." "That's your misfortune." " And now mama's got a new beau." " He's a suitor." "Yeah, I heard about that." "Mama says he's bona fide." "Mmm." "He give her a ring?" "Yes, sir." "A big 'un." " Gold and gems." " Mama checked it." " It's bona fide." " He's a suitor." " What's his name?" " Vernon T Waldrip." " Uncle Vernon." " Till tomorrow." "Then he's Daddy." "I am the only daddy you got." "I am the damn pater familias." "But you ain't bona fide." "Where's your mama?" " At the five-and-dime." " Buying nipples." " Daddy!" " Hello, sugar!" "Ha ha!" "How's my little girl?" "Hi." " Who the hell's that?" " Starla Wharvey." "Starla McGill, you mean." " You never told me." " Cos you was hit by a train." "Why are you telling our gals I was hit by a train?" "Lots of respectable people been hit by trains." "Judge Hobby was hit by a train." "What was I supposed to say, that you were jailed and I divorced you from shame?" "I take your point." "But it puts me in an awkward spot vis a vis my progeny." "Hello, Penny." "Is this gentleman bothering you?" "You Waldrip?" "Uh-huh." "That's right." "Hmm." "You been using my hair treatment?" "Your hair treatment?" "Excuse me." "I got news." "In case you hadn't noticed, I wasn't hit by a train, and I have travelled many a weary mile to be back with my wife and my six daughters." " Seven, Daddy!" " That ain't your daddy, Alvanelle." "Your daddy was hit by a train." "Penny, you stop that!" "You stop it!" "Vernon here's got a job." "Vernon's got prospects." "He's bona fide." "What are you?" "I'll tell you what I am..." "I'm the pater familias, and you can't marry him!" "I can, I am and I will, tomorrow." "I gotta think about the Wharvey gals." "They look to me for answers." "Vernon can buy 'em lessons on the clarinet." "The only good thing you ever did was get hit by that train!" "Well, you lying, unconstant succubus." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "You can't swear at my fiancee!" "Oh, yeah?" "Well, you can't marry my wife!" "Who is that man?" "He's not my husband." "Just a drifter, I guess." "Just some no-account drifter." "And stay out of the Woolsworth!" "'l'll bet she does imitations, too. '" "Deceitful, two-faced she-wolf." "Never trust a female, Delmar." "Remember that precept and your time with me won't have been ill-spent." " OK, Everett." " "Hit by a train. "" "Truth means nothing to a woman, Delmar." "Triumph of the subjective." "You ever been with a woman?" "Well, I've..." "I got to get the family farm back before I can start thinking about that." "That's right." "IF then." "Believe me, a woman's the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man." "Everett, I never figured you for a pater familias." "Ohh, yes." "I have spread my seed." "And look what it's..." "God damn it." "What the hell...?" "OK, boys." "Enjoy your picture show." "Do... not... seek the treasure." "Do not... seek the treasure." "It's a bushwhack." "They're fixin' an ambush." "Do not seek the treasure." "We... we thought you was... a toad." "We... thought..." "you... was... a...toad." "Do not seek the treasure." "Quiet there!" "Watch the picture!" "I signed that bill." "I signed a dozen agriculture bills." "Everyone knows I'm a friend of the farmer." "What I gotta do, start diddling livestock?" "We can't do that, Daddy." "We might offend our constituency." "We ain't got a constituency!" "Stokes got a constituency!" "Well, it's a well-run campaign." "Midget and broom and whatnot." " Devil his due." " Hell of an organisation." " Say, I got an idea." " What's that, Junior?" "We can hire us a little fella even smaller than Stokes's." "You slump-shouldered sack of nuts!" "We'd look like a bunch of johnny-come-latelys bringing' out our own midget." "Don't matter how stumpy!" "That's the goddam problem, people think Stokes has got fresh ideas." "He's au courant and we're the past!" "It's a problem of..." " Perception." " Right." " He's pulling our pants down." " Gonna paddle some behind." "Ain't gonna paddle it." "Gonna kick it." " No, he's gonna paddle it." " That's not a proper description." " That's how I'd characterise it." " It's more of a kickin' situation." "God..." "God forgive me." "I could not gaze upon that fireshow." " Pete." " Hold still!" " Can't... stand much longer." "It was... it was a mo-moment of weakness." "Quit babbling', we gotta skedaddle." "That's all I got." "They lured me out for a bathe and then they dunked me, trussed me up like a hog, and turned me in for the bounty." "Shoulda guessed it." "Typical womanly behaviour." "We're lucky we left before they came back." "We didn't abandon you, Pete." "We just thought you was a toad." "No, they never did turn me into a toad." "Well, that was our mistake, then." "We was beat up by a Bible salesman and banished from Woolworths." "Everett, was it the one branch or all of them?" "Well, I ain't had it easy, either, boys." "Frankly, uh, well, I..." "I spilt my guts about the treasure." "Huh?" "I'm awful sorry I betrayed you, fellas." "Must be my Hogwallop blood." "That's all right, Pete." "Awful white of you to take it like that, Everett." "I feel wretched." "Spoiling your play for a million dollar point two." "You should rip out my guts." "No, that's all right." "You boys are true friends!" "Ohh!" "You're my beaucoup friends." "Pete, I don't want you to beat yourself up about this, eh?" "I can't help it, but that's a... a wonderful thing to say." "Yeah." "Pete, uh..." "Well, fact of the matter is..." "Damn it..." "There ain't no treasure." "Fact of the matter is there never was." "But..." "So where's all the money from the armoured car job?" "I never knocked over no armoured car." "I was sent up for practising law without a license." " But..." " I had to bust out." "My wife wrote me she was getting married, I gotta stop it." "I had two weeks left on my sentence." "I couldn't wait, wedding's tomorrow." "My added time for the escape, I don't get out now till 19... 87." "I am sorry about that." "I'll be... 84 years old." "I guess they'll tack on 50 years for me, too." "Boys, we was chained together." "I had to tell you something." "Busting out alone was not an option." "I'm sorry." "84 years old." "Well, I'll only be 82." "You!" "You ruined my life!" "You ruined my life!" "I do apologise, Pete." "84 years old!" "I'm becoming Papillon!" "Delmar!" "Now, boys." "Boys." "That's Tommy." "They got Tommy!" "Noose." "Sweet Jesus, we got to save him." " The colour guard." "Brothers!" "Oh, brothers!" "We have all gathered here to preserve our hallowed culture and heritage from intrusion, inclusion and dilution of colour, of creed, and of our old-time religion." "We aim to pull evil up by the root before it chokes out the flower of our culture and heritage." "And our women, let's not forget those ladies, y'all, looking to us for protection from darkies, from Jews, from papists, and from all those smart-ass folks say we come descended from monkeys." " That's not my culture and heritage." " Yes!" "Is it yours?" "No!" "And so... we gonna hang us a Negro." "Hooray!" "I ain't never harmed you, neither of you gentlemen." "Uh..." "Mm-hmm." "I ain't never harmed nobody." " Hey, hey, Tommy." " Huh?" "Tommy, we come to rescue you." "That's mighty kind of you boys, but I don't think nothing's going to save me now." "The devil's come to collect his due." "Don't be crazy, Tommy." "You don't wanna get hanged." "Well, naw, I don't reckon I do, but that's the way it's working out." "Tommy, I got a plan." "No!" "The colour guard is coloured." "Who made them the colour guard?" "Run, boys!" "Whoa!" "No, no, son!" "Can't let that flag touch the ground!" "Get your hands off me." "I can do this myself, get away from me." "We should hire this man away." " Good idea, Pappy." " Hell of an idea." " Can't beat 'em, join 'em." " He'll join us, run our campaign." " Power, wealth..." " No one says no to Pappy O'Daniel." " Not with his blandishments." " And powers of persuasion." " What's his name again?" " The campaign manager?" " Waldrip." " Vernon Waldrip." " Vernon T Waldrip." " Hmm." "It's invitation only." " We'll have to sneak in." " Hold on." "Wait a minute." "Who elected you leader of this outfit?" "Since we've been following your lead, we got nothing but trouble." "I've gotten this close to being strung up and consumed in a fire and whipped no end and sunstroked and soggied." "And turned into a frog." "He wasn't turned into a frog." "Almost loved up, though." "So, you're against me now, too?" "Is that how it is, boys?" "The whole world and God Almighty..." "now you?" "I guess I deserve it." "Boys..." "I know that I made some tactical mistakes, but if you just stick with me, I got a plan." "Believe me, we can fix this thing." "I'll get my wife back, we'll leave." "Goddam disgrace!" "Made a travesty of the entire evening." "Ohh!" "What I wouldn't give to get a hold of those agitators." "Whoever heard of such behaviour, even amongst the coloured?" "Mulattos, maybe." "I suspect some miscegenation in their heritage." "Using a Confederate flag as a missile!" "Crazy!" "No one's ever gonna believe we're a real band." "I just gotta get close enough to talk to her." "Comin' with us got more future than marrying a guy called Waldrip." "I'm goddam bona fide." "I got the answers." "Everett, my beard itches." "Hey, hey!" ""ln the Jailhouse Now", fellas." "Neighbourhood of B." "Psst!" "Penny." "Ahem." " It's me." " No." "Honey!" "We're leaving the state, pursuing opportunities in another venue." "I got big plans." "Not minstrels, I'm going to be a dentist." "I know this guy who'll print me up a license." "Why, that is an improper suggestion." "I-l-l can't switch sides in the middle of a campaign... especially to work for a man who lacks moral fibre." "Moral fibre?" "Why, you pasty-face son'bitch." "I invented moral fibre." "Pappy was displaying rectitude when that egghead you work for was still messin' his drawers!" " Psst!" "Honey." " Go away." "I want to be what you want me to be, honey." "I want you and the gals to come with me." "What are you doing here, Pappy?" "Someone let on we were giving out liquor." "You'll laugh out the other side of your face November." "Pappy'll be laughin' then." " Not out the other side of his face." " Just the regular side." "They're my daughters, too, Penny." "Ain't you ever heard of...?" "Hot damn!" "It's the Soggy Bottom Boys!" "Whoo!" "Holy moly!" "These boys are a hit!" "But, Pappy, they's integrated." "Wait a minute." "Folks don't mind they's integrated." "You's miscegenated." "All you boys is miscegenated!" "Gimme a microphone!" "Gimme a microphone!" "Gimme a microphone!" "These boys is not white." "Hell, they ain't even old-timey." "I happen to know, ladies and gentlemen, that this band of miscreants, this very evening, interfered with a lynch mob in the performance of its duties." "It's true!" "See, I belong to a certain secret society." "I don't believe I gotta mention its name, you know?" "Let 'em play!" "Go on!" "Hmm." "And these boys here, they trampled all over our venerated observances and rituals." "This here music is over, all right?" "And I have..." "No!" "Hey!" "Hey, I ain't..." "listen to me." "Folks, listen to me." "I..." "These boys desecrated a fiery cross." "We's all havin' a good time!" "And they's convicts, folks, fugitives escaped off the farm." "Now, folks, these boys gotta be remanded to the authorities." "Criminals!" "And I have it from the highest authority that that Negro sold his soul to the devil!" "Oh!" "W-W-Wait a minute, folks." "It's true!" "It's true!" "Wait a minute." "Is you is, or is you ain't my constituency?" "No!" "Is you is, or is you ain't my constituency?" "No!" " Is you is..." "Is you is, or is you ain't my constituency?" "Oh, come on, folks." "No." "It's Homer now." "I'm a friend of the little man." "This is not fair!" "Hey!" "Come on!" "Come on, we got a little misunderstanding here." "God damn!" "God damn!" "Opportunity knocks!" "Get out of my way!" "That's fine." "That's fine!" "Ladies and gentlemans, here and listening at home, the great state of Mississippi..." "Pappy O'Daniel, Governor... wants to thank the Soggy Bottom Boys for that wonderful performance." "And it looks like the only man in this great state who ain't a music lover is my esteemed opponent in the upcoming, Homer Stokes." "There ain't no accounting for taste." "Sounded to me like he was harbouring a hateful grudge against the Soggy Bottom Boys on account of their rough and rowdy past." "Looks like Homer Stokes is the kind of fellow who wants to cast the first stone." " Well, I'm with you, folks." "I'm a forgive-and-forget Christian, and I say... if their rambunctiousness and misdemeanoring is behind them..." "It is, ain't it?" "Yes, sir, it is." "Well, then, I say, by the power vested in me, these boys is hereby pardoned!" "And furthermore... in the second Pappy O'Daniel administration, these boys is gonna be my brain trust!" "What's that mean, Everett?" "Well, it means you and me and Pete and Tommy are gonna be the power behind the throne, so to speak." "Oh, OK." "So, without further ado, and by way of endorsing my candidacy, the Soggy Bottom Boys is gonna lead us all in a chorus of "You Are My Sunshine"." "Ain't you, boys?" "One of our favourites." "Son... you're gonna go far." "I guess Vernon T Waldrip is gonna be going on relief." "Maybe I can throw a little patronage his way, get him a job digging or rounding up stray dogs." "So, is the marriage off, Miss Wharvey?" "McGill." "No." "The marriage will take place as planned." "With a change of cast." "Me and the little lady are gonna pick up the pieces and re-tie the knot, mixaphorically speaking." "You boys are invited, of course." "Hell, you're the best men." "I already got the rings." " Where's your ring?" " I ain't worn it since our divorce." "Must still be in the roll-top in the old cabin." "Vernon's was encrusted with jewels." "Now's the time to buy it off him cheap." "We ain't getting married with his ring." "You said you'd changed." " Just an old pewter thing." " Ain't no wedding." " It's just a symbol, honey." " No wedding." "We'll fetch it with you." "It's just..." "Shut up, Delmar." "It's just a symbol." "I've spoken my piece and counted to three." "She counted to three." "God damn it." "She counted to three." "Son of a bitch!" "You have any idea how far that cabin is?" "George?" "Hello, boys!" "These little men finally caught the criminal of the century." "Looks like the chair for George Nelson!" "Yup, gonna electrify me." "I'm gonna go off like a roman candle!" "20, 000 volts chasing a rabbit through yours truly!" "Gonna suck all the power right out of the state!" "Gonna shoot sparks out of my head and lightning from my fingertips!" "I'm George Nelson, and I'm feeling ten feet tall!" "Looks like George is right back on top again." "Cow killer!" "Well, at least you boys get to see the ancestral manse, the home where I spent so many a happy day in the bosom of my family refugin', if you will, with a mighty oak tree out front" "and a happy little tyre swing on it." "Where's the happy little tyre swing?" "End of the road, boys." " No." "Wait a minute." " Let's go, boys." "It's had its twists and turns, now it deposits you here." "Wait a minute." "You have eluded fate and you have eluded me for the last time." " Tie their hands, boys." " You can't do this, now." "Didn't know you'd be bringing a friend." "He'll just have to wait his turn, share one of your graves." "You can't do it, we just got pardoned by the governor." " It went out on the radio." " Is that right?" "Well, we ain't got a radio." "God have mercy." "It ain't fitting'." "It ain't the law." " The law?" "The law is a human institution." "Perhaps you should start making your prayers." "Oh, my God." "Everett?" "Tommy, I'm sorry we got you into this." "Good Lord..." "What do we do?" "Oh, Lord..." "Please look down and recognise us poor sinners." "Please, Lord." "I just want to see my daughters again." "I've been separated from my family for so long." "I know I've been guilty of pride and sharp dealing." "I'm sorry I turned my back on you, forgive me." "We're helpless, Lord." "For the sake of my family, for Tommy's sake." "For Delmar's and Pete's." "Let me see my daughters again, Lord." "Help us, please." "Ahh." "Ahh." " A miracle." "It was a miracle!" " Delmar, don't be ignorant." "I told you they was flooding this valley." " No!" "That ain't it!" " We prayed to God and he pitied us!" "Well, it never fails." "Again, you hayseeds are showin' you want for intellect." "There's a perfectly scientific explanation." "That ain't the tune you was singin' back at the gallows!" "Any human being'll cast about in a moment of stress." "No, they're flooding this valley so they can hydroelectric up the whole darn state." "Yes, sir, the south is gonna change." "Everything's gonna run on a paying basis." "Out with the spiritual mumbo-jumbo and the backward ways." "We're gonna see a brave new world where they hook us all up to a grid." "Yes, a veritable age of reason." "Like the one they had in France." "Not a moment too soon." "Not a moment too soon." "Hey, there's Tommy." "Tommy, what you ridin' there?" "Unh!" "Whoa." "Roll-top desk." ""All's well that ends well, " some poet said." "That's right, honey." "Don't mind telling you I'm awful pleased my adventuring days have come to an end." "Time for this old boy to enjoy some repose." "That's good, honey." "You were right about that ring, too." "Any other wedding band wouldn't do." "This here was fore-ordained." "Fate was a-smilin' on me." "That's not my ring." " What?" "Not your ring?" " That's one of Aunt Herlene's." " You said it was in the roll-top." " I said I thought it was." " No, you said..." " Or under the mattress." "Or maybe in my chifforobe." "Well, I'm sorry, honey." "We need that ring." "It's at the bottom of a durn big lake." " Uh-uh." " A 9, 000 hectare lake." "I don't care if it's 90, 000." "That lake was not my doing." " I've counted to three." " No, wait, honey." "Finding one ring in the middle of all that water" " is one hell of a heroic task!" "and"