""100 clever thoughts", scene 5, take 1." "At a certain age, you question "What for?"." "Back in the old days, for example, your friend called you:" ""Listen, I met two girls here," "They have a free apartment in Otradnoe, I bought the drinks, let's go!", and you went." "And if someone asked you "What for?", you'd answered "Are you stupid?" "Two girls, a separate apartment, we'll drink together..."" "And today, they say "let's go", and you think..." "Two weird girls... their apartment at the estate, this means go there, drink with them." "And after that, either stay or go home, I have to work next day..." "What for?"" "Stop." "Taken." "Thank you so much!" "What, that's all?" "You did very well, why would I torture you more?" "All right." "And where will this be?" "Video on the web, and photos - in the magazine, on the largest spread." "Excellent." "You should call the next project "100 silly thoughts from 100 stupid men"." "Judging by the trend, it will be in great demand."" "Camille, what's the matter?" "Vera sneaked into the phone." "And what did she find there?" "The point is that there is nothing." "All that she could find there..." "I erased long time ago." "But this is my hairdresser, she cancelled all appointments to cut my hair." "And I just wrote her: "Thanks, kisses"." "And that's it - a scandal for the whole night!" "What's the problem?" "Since she unfairly offended you, you fairly took offense and left." "Fine." "Slava, I can't, I will feel bad and call her..." "Camille, you think it's better to go all day around with vinegar countenance?" "Or you will come back from Odessa with lots of real reasons for her jealousy, you will beg for mercy and make peace." "That's it." "Slava, if you're so clever..." "Go and live with her yourself!" "Camille, you missed." "Phew!" "Nastya, where are my chucks?" "Huh?" "Chucks!" "I left them here." "I don't know." "Then who moved them around?" "Lyosha, call a taxi for us!" "Nastya, I'm running late!" "You are leaving to have fun, and I stay with kids for the whole weekend!" "And walk the dog!" "Nastya, we have agreed that..." "Do not blame my mom!" "Okay." "Daddy, I did a poo!" "Congratulations." "The entire interview is here?" "Yep." "Great!" "I'll read it through on my way and will message you." "Ok, see you Monday." "Wait... you have a meeting in an hour." "Which meeting?" "With "Face-to-Face"." "You asked to remind." "And why do you remind 1 hour before the meeting?" "Was it possible to remind yesterday?" "I reminded you yesterday." "And why then I do not...?" "Ah..." "Slava, well where are you leaning?" "Sit down, let's go." "All done." "She let you go?" "What do you mean "let me go"?" "Who can let me go or not?" "Packed and left." "That's it!" "Way to go!" "Oh!" "That's it!" "Yes, Sash!" "I..." "Slava..." "Um..." "I'm not going with you." "This is not Sash." "One moment, I'll be right back." "First, parents forbade me something, now my wife..." "When will I finally grow up?" "O-oouch, it hurts!" "How is it possible to tangle so much?" "Nastya, I called a taxi!" "I also called." "Why?" "Didn't you ask me?" "You said you're in a hurry." "Uh huh..." "Sweet." "O-oouch!" "What is going on?" "!" "Sash, no!" "You cancel the meeting, we pick up Lyosha and go to you." "Camille has been waiting forever already, he is already asking why don't we go yet!" "Slava..." "In half an hour, we'll be at your place. !" "That's it!" "And..." "Slava, you know, I..." "I think I'm not going." "Freeze!" "what if I have fever,or got into accident..." "You forgot to notify me..." "Here we go!" "But they are already at the reception, came a little earlier." "Oh..." "Well, then call them in." "Gentlemen, welcome in!" "Hello." "Hello." "Where are my shoes?" "Daddy, I fell!" "Lyosha..." "Yes?" "!" "Dog overturned Eva and a pottie." "And what?" "Clean up, I'm doing manicure." "Ok." "Daddy...!" "Lord..." "Lyosha, what happened?" "A-a-ah!" "Tea, coffee?" "Two tea." "And coffee for me, please." "Sveta, two tea and coffee." "Take a seat." "Excuse me, could you move?" "Sure..." "Excuse me, but what's this for?" "Well, We are going with friends to Odessa to the concert of "B-2" sea, girls..." "But here YOU are." "Ai!" "Ai-ai-ai..." "Wait, but..." "But didn't we agree beforehand?" "Yes, it's my fault, but how can I cancel the trip?" "So tea is no longer needed?" "I doubt it." "You are, after all, know how to solve problems." "Alexander Sergeevich, but we agreed!" "Why are you so...?" "!" "Hello." "Hello." "Hello." "Tea, coffee?" "Two tea." "And coffee for me, please." "I get it, I owe you 500 rubles." "Nastya, hush!" "Eva needs to drink the juice." "Like I said, I will pay you at the next trip." "I'll pay you at the next trip." "Thank you!" "I cancelled the taxi, Nastya." "I also cancelled." "Why?" "Because you said that you called." "But didn't you...?" "A-a-ah!" "Don't do anything, do nothing!" "Lyosha, walk the dog." "Walk the dog, do you hear me?" "And what should I do: walk the dog, call a taxi or get a divorce?" "Eva!" "Daddy, I hid, find me!" "Yes, Slava..." "In how long?" "Ten?" "Listen, I probably will not go..." "No, no, no, one second... but I..." "Listen... so... a-a-ah..." "Daddy, the dog peed on carpet!" "Lyosha, but I asked you!" "Slava, Slava, Slava!" "Quickly come pick me up." "You run away, daddy?" "Eva, yes." "Just don't tell mom anything." "Bye!" "Mom, daddy ran away!" "Let's go." "Imagine:" "Odessa, night club, "B-2" on the stage, across the whole dance floor, they are bringing us Champagne in a bucket with ice, and there is this thing inserted into the bottle neck, with fireworks, well, just beautiful." "It's dark already, and everyone sees that we are sitting in the central lodge, that is, we are the coolest, and all the girls see, and..." "Camille, and the things is that I do understand that it's not good... but it's impossible!" "Right, Right." "Everything right." "Yeah, sure..." "..." "Dog is the most intelligent creature on the Earth, well, of course, after human..." "Thank you." "And then in the frame appears some Pekinese, and says:" ""I was seven years old already, I'm an adult man, stop hanging on me that pink ribbon and better buy me only this food."" "And the voices are provided by all your stars - Nikolay Fomenko, Vanya Urgant." "Who is one you have there?" "Ok, wait..." "I have them for free, because it is their thoughts, but this is actually advertising." "But no, it should not look like advertising, it's just thoughts on this subject, that's it." "Excuse me." "Hello." "Sash, well, what's the matter?" "Oh, you are here already?" "Slava, I told you, I have a meeting." "Sash, we have no time at all!" "What meeting?" "!" "Well, come on, come on, Sash, come on!" "Okay, about fifteen more minutes." "Yes, okay." "For crying out loud!" "Eh?" "That's why in childhood, everything was so cool." "Um, because it was clear what is good and what is bad." "Um, for example, you finished with homework - well done." "Helped grandma cross the road, very well done!" "Threw the ball into a window - bad boy." "Makes sense." "And now?" "Did good to one woman, and the other suffers because of that." "And you did everything for the third, actually." "Yes, right!" "But she doesn't care..." "Somehow everything mixed up." "What mixed up?" "Help grandma cross the road is still good." "Yes?" "!" "There, go, help her cross, aha, the road." "Go, do it." "And you'll immediately calm down." "Not true..." "Maybe, I would like to help her, but she do not need it?" "Let's go, grandma." "What?" "Let's go." "But I need to go there!" "Listen, I need to do a good deed." "And I need to go there!" "I went there!" "I don't need..." "You don't need to go there, grandma!" "Or, for example, it was wrong grandma." "A bad one." "Grandma..." "And you shouldn't help her cross the road!" "And a good one is standing somewhere on the other cross and is waiting for you, and you are here, trotting this old nit round, back and forth." "And even worse, if someone else has already helped a good one, before you did." "And, perhaps, the man was bad, and made it pro forma, for the sake of appearance, but he did a good deed, and you did not." "Listen, you went completely crazy..." "in those your..." "Shoot, we are waiting for an hour already!" "For crying out loud!" "Eh?" "Sash, come out into the yard for a play, we are on the teeter-totter!" "Well, yes, I am deeply convinced that it will be very convenient for us to cooperate." "And the work will, of course, be fruitful." "Furthermore, we have so many promising projects..." "By the way, our customer highly appreciates your creativity." "What?" "Your creativity." "And no jerrican..." "I overran myself." "Excuse me?" "Overran myself!" "Thank you so much, it was constructive, See you Monday." "Alexander Sergeyevich!" "Alexander Sergeyevich!" "Right, right, until Tuesday." "Overran himself..." "I overran myself too, but I'm sitting here!" "Slava, and what are you now resentful at everybody?" "We'll make it to your "B-2" in time." "Yeah, we will!" "And now we are in traffic jam." "Wow." "You know what I say..." "There is no need in trying to realize a dream, let it just remain the dream." "Why?" "Because what we all dreamed of: that we leave in the morning, go with the breeze on an empty road have dinner on the Dnieper in Kiev..." "But have already apologized!" "Sash, well, you're a goat and a monster, but what does it change?" "I'm saying it is impossible to realize a dream." "For example, I dreamed in childhood that I would have a white "Mercedes" car." "Well, how I dreamed, that it will be like - one!" "two!" " and I have it." "And now, I can afford to buy it... but, first, well, I can't spend so much money for a dream, even for a "Mercedes"." "Can't park it outside the house, they will either scratch it or hijack..." "When is it white?" "In Moscow, there are nine months of mud." "Right, right, right..." "But in childhood dream, I'm on this white "Mercedes" drove up to the doors of my school, out of which went out she, for whom I came on this white "Mercedes"." "And you know who went out of it with me?" "Who?" "Actor Mikhail Boyarsky." "Dressed up as a musketeer, on a horse, and said loudly so that everyone could hear: "Come on, Slava, show me around your school!" "Soho!"" "Not so. "Soho!"" "Right." "Wait, what year have you graduated?" "In the 88th." "Well then, which "Mercedes"?" ""Lada Samara", "wet asphalt"." "In the 88th, it was a Mercedes." "Camille, let's go." "By the way, same with women." "That's until you try to get her she is beautiful." "But there you already live together, she leaves to work in the morning, kisses you and says:" ""You're my unshaven tadpole."" "Or even like so:" ""You're my sleepy Cheburashka"." "No, no, no... "Cheburafka"." ""Cheburafka"." "And this is probably so cute, right?" "But so disgusting." "Yes, and that you are a sleepy unshaven Cheburashka - this is a stretch of imagination." "No, Lyosha... this is a "stretf"." "Aha, or this: "Ok, till evening." "Smack."" "Which the heck "smack"?" "Want to kiss - then kiss." "That's it!" "I agree." "Or some little thing..." "You know, you'd notice that her boots are worn on one side more... and you say to yourself - "clumsy"." "Then you think, what's the matter, your boots are the same way, but this word - "clumsy"..." "But otherwise, otherwise she is a dream, and keep your hands off." "Slava, keep your hands off!" "Then, Romeo and Juliet..." "Turns out, it's good that they died." "After all, they overcame so much for the sake of their love." "And would have her love withstand if, say, she learned that he says "often"?" "Or that he leaves his socks all over the place." "Accustomed to his mother, Lady Montague, picking after him." "And that he walks around the apartment in his underpants, and is scratching himself there?" "Pardon..." "No, I understand that he performed a feat for her, but when was that?" "And only once." "And he is scratching all the time." "She says: "Well, but we love each other..." "Why, I can not tolerate?" "Scratching, and what?" "..."" "But it is impossible!" ""A plague o' both your houses!"" "Because of you, I became food..." "...dog food!" "New "Tedigree"!" "Now, with taste of Romeo!" "And Romeo is also off the hinges, he has only seen her a couple times before the wedding." "And now he looks at her, and her ankles are thick, and toes are short and crooked." "And he understands..." "jumped the gun." "But that's it!" "So, it turns out that Shakespeare has happy-end." ""For never was a story of more FORTUNE..."" "Camille, Camille, let's go." "Look... that's why I do not marry." "It turns out that dreams never come true." "In the best case, you just achieve the goal." "That's all." "It's a pity..." "I had such a beautiful dream..." "We broke up with a girl, had a serious relationship..." "Who, Lera?" "N-no." "Why always Lera?" "But who?" "What's the difference?" "Nastya isn't here, tell us." "Slava, you're wrong." "Lyosha, when told you about Lera, did he ask not to tell anyone?" "He asked." "Exactly." "And why are you then?" "He asked me, for example, and I did not say a word to anyone!" "And I." "And what do you want?" "Eh?" "Lera." "That's it..." "Right." "In short, I dreamed that we accidentally meet, I don't know... at the resort." "I come into the hotel from the beach, and she is sitting with a man, at the table." "And we have not even said hello, just our eyes met..." "My eyes immediately got wet." "I went to the bar counter..." "May I hate 50 grams of cognac, please?" "Maybe, 100 at a sweep?" "Pour." "Drink in one shot, for courage..." "Then I look, and there is a piano." "No, no, no, white..." "Let it be white." "Whatever!" "Then - one!" "two!" " and it got dark." "I am handsome, in a tuxedo." "Came from the beach, uh huh..." "You can't spare?" "Whatever!" "I went over to the piano..." "No, no, no... wait..." "I went to the piano, like this..." "And then, I start to play my with her melody..." "I have never had, with any girl, "our" melody, but for the dream it is right." "And of course, this one..." "Well, and that's all." "I mean, she understands everything..." "That all these years, she loved only me, and her husband, he is just because of money." "And everyone understands everything." "And then I get up and invite her to dance." "The waiters are on the brink of tears." "The barman is crying, the cookees look out of the kitchen..." "And there he, well, the husband... understands everything." "Notably, he does not get furious, but humanly understands everything, because we love, and he..." "What is he for here?" "He pays the check, and then somehow just..." "disappears." "Wonderful person." "And we dance, dance..." "Lyosha, do you want me to tell you, how would it all be in reality?" "No, I don't want." "But everybody else wants." "Okay, okay then." "Your third day of vacation, you're coming from the beach." "Your mug is burned, skin is hanging in patches, you smeared it with cream, and on top of it, the sand is stuck... in islets." "In the right hand you have a mask, a snorkel, fins, and in the left - a wife and two children." "You walk past an expensive hotel, and there she is!" "So beautiful, in evening dress, with her a man, also quite interesting, perhaps in a tuxedo..." "In my tuxedo?" "Yes, but six sizes larger." "And you are..." "Oh, hello." "Hi." "And that's it, they drove off." "And your wife asks, "Who was that?"" "And then what are you going to do?" "Run after them, shouting:" ""Wait, I'll just change my clothes and I'll play the piano for you!"" "Daddy, I did a poo!" "Well, and why did you tell me all this?" "It was such a dream..." "Camille, turn on some music, may be." "Made a reservation?" "Well, great!" "Thank you very much." "Um, well then, the money right away, you understa..." "What do you mean, not important?" "Important!" "Well, you know, sure, that Moscow is yours, I mean clubs, restaurants..." "Well okay, hugs, see you soon!" "Sure, sure!" "We'll be there soon." "Guys, well, everything is great, he will do everything." "Listen, he makes us such a gift for his anniversary, we need to give him something, too." "Yes, we need." "A bottle." "Camille, to the owner of a nightclub, right?" "A good one, expensive." "It can be something not very expensive, but spectacular." "Five hundred dollars." "Spectacular, and not very expensive for four." "Listen, he is so advanced, may be a painting for him?" "Hey, a painting would be good." "In Kiev, we can certainly buy one?" "Well, decided then." "Listen, but why can you cheat only on the wife or husband." "Why can't you cheat, for example, on children?" "How is that?" "Ha..." "Well, imagine you have been seen emerging from McDonald's with someone else's child." "Eh?" "Or your child have found in your pocket a receipt for "Lego"." "But he never received "Lego" from you." "Or you bought an ice cream to a stranger child on the street." "Nothing serious - a heartfelt impulse." "But your kids noticed it." "Yes!" "And your child, your child asks you like this: "So, daddy, you know him, eh?"" "And you say: "Yes, no." "Just bought him an ice cream, honestly."" "Yes?" "And What time have you just bought him an ice cream?" "What's wrong with that?" "Buzz off, boy!" "I'm telling you: "I, I see him for the first time!" "Look at him!" "Buzz o-o-off, boy!"" "Even better!" "Sees him for the first time and immediately gets him an ice cream?" "I, by the way, haven't got any ice cream for years!" "Yes... and that's all." "And the next morning, empty cupboards, no toys, and there is a note: "Farewell." "Mom will pick us from the kindergarden." "Pah!"." "Nastya wrote, smoothly..." "I thought she'd write "kill you, I hate, you're a beast"..." "She writes: "We sit here with Marina, drink Martini." "She says hello." "Kids clown around in the playroom."" "She is brilliant, not offended at all." "It's not that she was not offended, Most probably, she just forgot." "I'm telling you, she's smooth-tempered." "Lucky you." "Although..." "What "although"?" "Well, maybe this way is even worse, because there is no reason to divorce." "And, maybe I don't need to?" "And what if you need to?" "And that's why I do not marry..." "Hey wait, slow down!" "You are going to eat this?" "Guys, he is really going to eat it!" "Meh, whatever." "I won't feel sorry for him." "It's just we've been waiting for him for 4 hours, now we will spend an hour here, and then will have to take him to a hospital." "And spend the weekend at the hospital..." "Which town did we pass?" "Lipky." "Right, at the hospital in Lipky." "And I sometimes, in the morning-after, want something, you know, eat something disgusting." "Like this meat pastry or... a hotdog." "Yuck." "Or this one... belyash, so fat, oiled." "Just want and can't help it!" "I do not know why?" "Maybe because you're an idiot?" "Yeah?" "I didn't even think that way." "Good version, explains a lot." "Guys, he just eats it!" "Tasty." "Just delicious." "Hey, it's my shish-kebab!" "Go and buy for yourselves." "Camille, excuse me, for your health." "Deny yourself nothing!" "And why didn't you tell us right away that this is so delicious?" "Huh?" "Because to you, when it is less than 30 dollars a dish, it tastes bad." "Really, why do you make a glamorous freak out of me, huh?" "Slava, Sash isn't our dearest friend anymore, of course but you remember that restaurant on Ordynka, which you advised me?" "And what, is it a bad restaurant?" "Beautiful, but scary to go into." "It seems that now the doorman will approach and expose you." "He will say: "And you, boy, what are you doing here, huh?"" "Sir, but I am forty years old..." "I can show my passport." "Come on, run to your mother!" "Come on, come on!" "Well okay, we went inside." "The atmosphere is, I tell you, as in the Louvre..." "Have you been there?" "No, but I think it is so there." "But here, for some reason, they also eat." "The waiter is dressed better than me, ladies are with expensive dogs." "In general, scary." "I'm reading: "Diflope from palaba with katsius seeds, 64 dollars"." "And I'm embarrassed to ask..." "Excuse me, and what is "Diflope"?" "Because it seems that everyone will turn around and start to laugh." "And the waiter is so patronizing..." "I highly recommend our "Diflope", ours is the best in Moscow." "This means, all restaurants have been offering it for a long time already, and only I alone, like a fool, know nothing about it." "Well, and naturally, I ordered." "And they bring me such a..." "Excuse me." "Thank you." "...such a plate, on which lays such a "deflope" with five or six seeds, of I can not remember what." "Of Katsius, Good Lord." "And the plate edges are covered with something colorful." "Something!" "Sauce "sifesto"!" "Zhuzha, did you see it?" "And the plate is so huge, I assume to emphasize that there is very little of deflope left on Earth..." "And that it is very expensive, and that this "small" is enough to cost $64." "Chump change!" "So, gentlemen, who let him in here?" "I started to eat... but it is tasteless." "Best in Moscow, but no." "And a toast in our restaurant is called "crouton"." "It is exactly the same piece of toasted bread, but toast can not cost $8, and crouton can." "And then, for these money, you start looking for at least some taste, which essentially distinguishes this crouton from the toast." "And you find it..." "The main thing is here, such a shish-kebab for 100 rubles, and I'm sitting there, like a fool, eating "diflope" with a crouton." "Best in Moscow!" "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" "Thank you." "Very tasty shish-kebab!" "That's because I cannot sing." "What do you mean?" "Well, I'm Georgian." "Real Georgian should sing beautifully." "And I cannot sing at all." "So I compensate with shish-kebab." "It turns out very well!" "Thank you." "In Moscow, when they raided Georgians, I was stopped by the cops, and they say: "You're Georgian"." "I tell them, "Eh, listen, I'll sing for you, and you'll let me go yourself, because you'll understand that a real Georgian cannot sing like this"." "And then, they let you go?" "Of course, for 300 dollars." "Didn't even listen to my song." "Thank you very much." "No, thank you." "There is no future anymore." "Earlier, in childhood, there had always beed something bright, unknown ahead..." "Well, life." "And now I know exactly what will happen next." "The same thing as today..." "I will deal with the same, go to the same restaurants, Well, or to the others, but just the same..." "Will drive approximately the same car." "Now there is the present instead of future." "Simply, there is the present, which is now, and the present, which will be later." "And most importantly, I like my present." "The car is good, and the restaurants are tasty..." "I just feel pity for the future." "That's clever!" "Very clever!" "If they are so clever, here, let them better explain why Kiev is "the mother of Russian cities"?" "Well, no, that "Russian" - it's okay, understandable." "But why Kiev is "mother"?" "It's "father"." "And I'll tell you..." "That's because "Moscow is the port of five seas"." "Oh!" "And this answer satisfies me." "But the answer to question "why cynologists deal not with cinema, but with dogs" is unknown." "Let's assume that this is also because Moscow is the port of five seas." "But why Sash does not marry Vicka?" "That is unclear." "Here you go..." "For example, tell me what is most annoying in the married state?" "That "Moscow is the port of five seas"!" "I am serious!" "Lack of other women." "No." "The absence of possibility of other women." "What a man of fine fibre is travelling with us in the car." "You probably wouldn't even use that possibility, but the possibility should be there." "Example:" "They forbid you to eat with a fork." "Who?" "Do not know." "They said: "You will never eat with a fork again!"" "And it seems, screw it, you can eat with a spoon, sticks, hands..." "But you were said - "never eat with a fork", and you immediately want it with a fork." "And, most importantly, there they are, forks, laying." "You open the drawer - it's full of them." "Dessert forks, dinner forks, silver, and cupronickel ones." "Beautiful ones!" "..." "Beautiful." "And even aluminum one would be of use to you, if you haven't had a single fork for three years." "But forbidden." "And yesterday it was still possible." "But what has changed?" "Super!" "And what does it have to do with Vicka?" "Fork..." "Vicka..." "Why is it always that they all drink, and I don't?" "But why always?" "When was it?" "We sailed somewhere..." "But where?" "Sailed... swam..." "Camille, what's the matter!" "Hello!" "Ah!" "Hello, hello!" "Hey!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "You look straight, just straight!" "He was sleeping!" "Nah, nah, everything is fine." "You are not sleeping?" "Sure?" "No, no, I don't sleep." "Although..." "Listen, I did not sleep all night." "And I was thinking, why am I passing out, eh?" "Camille, keep calm, okay, we'll get to Kiev in no time, we got an hotel booked there..." "And how do you say "hotel" in Ukrainian?" ""Gotel"." "You'll go into your room..." "And "room"?" ""Room"." "...and there is already spread out a soft, clean featherbed..." "A "featherbed" how?" "Sash, "featherbed"." "Wo-hoo, so I know Ukrainian!" "Yes." "And in the morning, you order a tea to bed..." "Huh, he won't be able to order..." "Why?" "Because, he does not know the language!" "He'll call and say: "Tea to bed", but noone will understand, because it should be how, Lyosha?" ""Tea to postil"." "Here!" "And I know that it's "tea to postil"." "Sash, but you don't know one thing..." "How do you say in Ukrainian "Hungary"." "How?" "I know! "Vengriya"." "No." "Sash, "Ugorschina"." "Got it?" "Oh you!" "How do they live there?" "Where?" "In Ukraine, or in Hungary?" "In Ugorschina!" "That's it... sleep." "Camille, Camille..." "I can't understand anything." "We should have already been there!" "And why are we here then?" "And most importantly, where is this "here"?" "And I think, we've been here already." "Camille?" "What, "Camille"?" "I've been sleeping for the past half an hour." "Yeah, I'm afraid even to imagine what was here before the Soviet regime." "Dude, and so what I said, they have a new line-up - awesome, amazing musicians play live, amazing!" "Slava, listen, you got our goat already with your "B-2"." "Right, Slava, I don't care, "B-2" or not "B-2"..." "In fact, I'm going not where, but from where." "And you aren't afraid that there is a bare wire?" "Lyosha?" "Hm?" "Turn on high beams." "Oh!" "Beldyazhki!" "We'll spend the night right here." "I can't!" "Why?" "I am married." "I can not in Beldyazhki..." "I can't." "Well, here, folks..." "Parasite!" "Here are..." "Two in here and two in there, behind the wall." "Indeed, exactly the same." "And there are... no sheets." "Is it as it should be?" "No, no, I'll bring it now." "Here's the key, please." "Yeah, thank you." "Parasite!" "Ah, I'm sorry..." "Excuse me, but is there anything to eat?" "Oh, you know, we have a barmaid, she locks the fridge." "And it can't be opened?" "But she locks with a lock." "Would you like me to bring you toffee?" "Perhaps at least some tea?" "And tea is in the boiler." "Ok, guys, guys, do not open the windows!" "But it's stuffy..." "Mosquitoes will raid." "Hmmm..." "But we'll switch the lights off." "Cockroaches will raid." "Ugorschina..." "Sash, well, it's useless, stop." "..." "And so, I think that love affairs are condemned, in general, by those people who can't have it themselves." "Well, imagine: an ordinary, normal man, but radically does not cheat on his wife." "Good, right?" "And now, he is sent on a mission to Beldyazhki, to here, for the Meeting of Meliorators." "He settles in our hotel..." "Oh, in our 108th room..." "And in the next room, is Zhanna Friske." "She Confused the Meeting of Meliorators with the the Meeting of Multi-millionaires." "Dang it!" "To the hotel, please!" "Would you show the way?" "And she falls in love with him at first sight, when he knocked on the door to her room, to ask for an immersion heater." "Who's there?" "May be you have an immersion heater there?" "Excuse me...?" "Oh, mammy...!" "And we remember that he is a loyal husband." "Now is there a reason he can refuse her, eh?" "No, well, let's consider - he can." "He can, but then it is complex of inferiority - "fear not to match", well, which is, not because he is so loyal." "Alternatively, there is another reason he is an asshole." "He could have had the brightest adventure in his life." "And he told her - "no"." "On the other hand..." "...can you imagine how pleasant it is to refuse in such a situation?" "I can not imagine." "She came... all..." "Zhanna Friske..." "Well, I know, stop..." "She came and says: "I'm yours"." ""I love you, Vyacheslav Gavrilovich!"" "And he replies her: "And I do not"." "A revenge to all the women, in her name, for youth acne, for a girl in the 9th grade, who did not go to dance with you, for this junior girl, who fell asleep at the most important point - a drunken fool!" "You had all of this?" "I had!" "And he told her: "Dear Zhanna Friske, keep your head, I am married." "And take away your heater!"" "And showed her the door." "Bastard... disgraced us all." "Don't worry, we'll avenge him now." "He returns home and tells everything to his wife." "He's proud, firstly, because Zhanna Friske got interested in him, and secondly, because he survived, but his wife, nonetheless, starts questioning him..." "Well, but is was there, yes?" "Was it?" "Look in my eyes!" "I can see what happened." "But there was nothing, why would have I told you then?" "Yeah, but kissing happened, eh?" "Kissing..." "No, no kissing at all." "Hmm, I get it..." "You were hitting on her, but she refused you." "I'm telling you, she was pestering me, but I refused, I swear!" "Swear on what?" "On Gosha's health." "Why are you arguing?" "You go, sleep!" "Come on, son, go." "So what, indeed, there was nothing?" "Uh huh." "Refused... refused Zhanna Friske?" "Yes." "What an asshole..." "And leaves him." "Because, well, how could she live with such an asshole?" "For the assholes!" "My daddy is an asshole!" "Guys..." "Ah, here you are." "And I brought the sheets." "Uh huh... distribute." "And this question - "What for?"" "What do you mean?" "Well, when I tell her: "Let's go to my place", and she replies: "What for?"" "And what?" "Well, tell me, what should I answer her?" "After all, my place is not a bowling alley nor a movie theater." "What should I say: "Let's go to my place, make love once or twice," "I'll definitely be good, you - may be, and then of course you can stay, but it'd be better if you left"?" "Because, if I tell her so, she definitely will not go, though she's well aware that we are going specifically for this." "And so I say: "Let's go to my place, I have a beautiful collection of lute music of 16th century."" "And that answer completely satisfies her." "And what would you prefer, that to sleep with a woman was..." "well, I don't know like to bum a cigarette?" "Miss..." "Yes!" "?" "..." "Excuse me, could you spare some sex?" "Oh, sorry, I gave up." "Congratulations." "Excuse me, could you..." "Oh, that's my last." "Saving for the husband?" "Yes..." "No, well, if a person needs..." "No, no, no, I wouldn't the last..." "Would it be better?" "No, well, but no, probably..." "Exactly!" "And I do not really know what I want." "Look, I have a wife, a child three-chambered refrigerator." "And, do I want all that or is it just because what it should be?" "Or maybe I actually want to abandon all this and become a free man." "What a thrill!" "On the other hand, no, I love them." "And, perhaps, I just got used to it and I'm afraid to change something..." "Or maybe, something should be changed, indeed?" "And how to figure it out?" "You know, in childhood, I had a method for such cases." "I imagined that Fascists had come to me, and not to "Hande hoch", but with a noble mission, to help me figure out my inner world." "They are lighting in my face and ask me a question, which I cannot answer to myself." "Can not get to the truth, there..." "Who do you like more, Marina Shturmanova from 8"B" or Yana Mishchenko from 9"B"?" "If you tell the truth, we'll let you go, but if not - we'll shoot." "And they somehow know the truth, well, the Fascists." "And I focus and suddenly understand..." "Yana Mishchenko!" "Well done, Russian Ivan." "Good method." "I still use it." "Ha-ha-ha!" "Nah, well, but I heard there are such couples, who agrees to tell each other the truth, if they had an adventure "on a side"." "Imagine such treaty..." ""Tell me honestly, have you ever cheated on me?"" ""Umm yes, just the day before yesterday, with the secretary." And on the instant, she - bang!" " hits him with a lamp to the head!" "He is lying all in the shatters:" ""What are you...?" "But we agreed!"" "And now it turns out, firstly, that they... did not agree that after this truth she does not hit him with a lamp to the head, and secondly, that such questions are given with a single purpose - to hear in response "No"." "And it does not matter whether it's true or not." "Alexander Demidov, "Encyclopedia of Family Life", chapter "The Effect of bedside lamp on the human libido"." "Come on, stop roaring!" "We are sleeping!" "Ok." "Or you say her:" ""I'll go with the guys, to the football."" "And she says: "Sure, go, but you haven't seen your son for two days."" "And the next time you add a "probably."" ""I'll probably go with the guys, to the football, probably"." "That is, you kind of begin to ask her permission." "She says: "What are you asking me?" "Have I ever prohibited you something?"" "And then you say, instead, that you'll stay late for work." "But why should I lie to her...?" "Be-baa-baa!" "...isn't she my most intimate friend?" "Right, Lyosha?" "Lyosha!" "Oh!" "Camille, I'm sorry, I just dropped off." "Why aren't you sleeping?" "Meh, can't sleep at all!" "You don't worry." "Don't you also want to understand?" "Surely I do." "This means everything is okay, because the crisis is when you don't want anything." "And then you start to want to want something." "It's okay..." "But when you do not want to want to want something - this is a crisis!" "This is not a crisis, this is a freaking disaster!" ""We will help you understand your inner world."" "(Burp)." "Oh-ho-hoch!" "Pardon..." "They'll stop us, make you breathe, and it'll show." "It won't show." "I brushed my teeth, drank coffee, fine." "Come on, breath out." "Like, nothing." "Okay." "And why is that we drank the same, and one in the morning stinks, but the other slightly smacks?" "This is called "internal intelligence"." "Ay, ay!" "Go back!" "What's that?" "Freeze!" "Freeze!" "Back!" "Back!" "Quiet, quiet!" "I'm breaking!" "That's it!" "I'm stopping!" "And, can you already tell what happened?" "Well, I was messaging Lena, but sent to Sonya." "Oh-oh-oh, Lord..." "And what you wrote?" "There, you read it, and I'll tell you what to do." "Well, I read. "Hello, beautiful girl..."" "So." ""The further I'm away from you, the more I want to you." "Send me a long warm message." "Your myself."" "Well?" "And what's wrong?" "What-what?" "I never called Sonya "beautiful girl"." "O-oh-oh!" "Wrote - made a nice surprise to the person!" "What?" "!" "For a long time already, I do not write name in messages." "That's right." "You can forward them." "So, you think everything is okay?" "And what confuses you?" "Well, I used to go by person." "I remember I was buying... gifts for the New Year, I bought the principal gift for my beloved woman, and had three non-principal ones to buy, and the clerk, such an experienced woman, says me:" ""You need three identical gifts, right?"" "Umm no, they are three different girls..." "Give me three different ones." "And the saleswoman looked at me with such respect, like, there are still some decent men left in the country." "Right..." "Women in this sense are somehow more noble." "Well, I would like to believe so." "Uh-huh!" "I have a friend..." "She is able to write a message with the word "kiss" without removing her hand from the purse." "So they're goin in the car with her husband, and he tells her, like: "Today, we'll spend the whole evening together."" "She smiles, but keeps her hand in the purse." "And I receive a message: "Today I can't." "Kiss." Eh?" "!" "Oh, whoa!" "Here, and if the Nazis came..." "Oh..." "Again?" "..." "The ones that shooted for the lie, and asked: "Has your wife cheated on you or not?"" "In any case, I would have answered "no."" "Because if you she didn't cheat, you said the truth, you let go; and if she cheated, you won't even have time to wonder." "No, didn't cheat." "Didn't guess." "Oh, you bitch!" "Thank you fascists..." "By the way, I agree, there is no sense in saying "yes"." "No sense." "Say, you said "yes, she cheated"..." "And it turned out to be true." "You let go, you live." "But how to live with it?" "You know, she knows that you know, all fascists know, embarrassed, you can't invite them anymore..." "And the guys were helpful..." "And if everything was kept on the fact that you do not know, and now she'll leave, but you love her." "A-a-ah!" "What, by cripes!" "But what's now!" "And, what?" "!" "What's there?" "!" "What, she understood?" "But no, she didn't understand..." ""Thank you, my shaggy!" "Smack-smack."" "Ah?" "!" "Damn...!" "Hey, wha-a-a-at?" "!" "Have you seen her legs?" "Then be patient." "And that's why I do not marry." "But strangely enough, that if a man likes a woman, he must conquer, win her." "And if a woman likes a man, then she, to win him, she then has to surrender to him, that is, to lose!" "She wins through losing!" "We play checkers, they play giveaway." "Curved women's logic..." "It's always this way with them." "Beautiful..." "O-oh-oh..." "You know how beautiful it is inside there?" "!" "Let's go." "Where do we go?" "!" "Come on, let's go." "Where do we go?" "Where are you going?" "Lyosha, Lyosha!" "I haven't been here for ten years." "Come on, let's go, please!" "First, spiritual hunger, then - physical." "I am not very spiritually hungry, but physically - just terribly!" "Yeah, okay, but we are already here, Slava, one step." "Look, what a beauty!" "Lyosha, you know, I, I'm always for you, but since yesterday's toffee, I haven't had anything." "Let's maybe, somehow..." "Eh?" "All right, quick meal, and then..." "Sleep!" "I see." "But just know guys, that I'm going to dinner with poor in spirit people." "All right." "Miserable." "Dwarves, pygmies, cattle, you all." "Agreed." "Get in the car already." "There." "And Lyosha is sitting pretty, huh?" "He'll both devour and look like a highly spiritual man." "Lord, Lord, Lord... kartoplyaniki." "Lyosha, what is "kartoplyaniki"?" "Potatoes, umm, grated." "Potato pancakes, or what?" "No, potato pancakes are potato pancakes." "And this is such a chop, and there is mashed potato inside, and it's fried all together." "Kind of zrazy?" "Which zrazy?" "How do I explain to him?" "Kartoplyanniki..." "Miss, we'd like the second, third, fourth page, except, you know, fried brains." "Yes!" "And vodka with chili." "No, no, no... gorilka with chili." "Well, listen, I don't know Ukranian fluently yet." "Thank you." "Yes, Vera?" "Uh-huh..." "Yes?" "So what?" "Well, and what?" "And why she hurts him?" "Doesn't she understand that sooner or later he'll just leave and that'll be it?" "I think he pushes her." "He needs to be the leader, he likes it." "So he lowers her." "You do not understand, he just lives this way." "He provokes her, then a scandal..." "...then they make peace, and for some time he is good." "Why do you think so?" "Because he has exactly the same thing with Yana." "Otherwise, it's just boring for him." "So, give me vodka." "Pour him." "Camille, maybe you shouldn't push her so?" "We left to have fun, and she stayed." "Lyosha, you know what?" "!" "You..." "Would've you been able to... in short, okay, I'm not telling anything, just listen up." "Three days ago, Vera and Yana messaged me." "You just listen." "Yana: "My dearest, I miss you so much." "I want to see your eyes..."" "Vera: "Rice, buckwheat, carrots, tomatoes, we have no cabbage left."" "Yana: "I miss you, even when you're with me." "There are so few moments in life when we are together."" "Vera: "Shampoo Vichy against loss and balsam, red color." "Cloran, not cream, but roll."" "Uh-huh!" ""You are my most loved one."" ""Napkins, paper towels, toilet paper 4 rolls." "When are you back?"" "Yana: "Come to my dreams tonight, but for sure."" "Vera: "Call me from the store, I'll certainly recall something else."" "And?" "Right, this thing would be more terrible than Goethe's "Faust"." "But don't you understand that if you leave now to Yana then in six months she'll also start to write you about napkins." "Yes, I understand..." "Camille, didn't you say that you erased everything?" "You know, everything - but not all." "There are places in the phone, which she will never find." "Damn, I do not understand what all these hide-and-seeks are for." "You're lying, then you must remember what you lied, to whom lied, and when." "Why can not we agree?" "And you are for the truth?" "Yes." "Aha, that is, you're getting married and immediately begin to tell the truth to wife." "Lyosha, yes." "But even better, you gather all the women who were before her, and, most importantly, during her, and get them acquainted with your wife." "Yes!" ""All Slava's girlfriends, please, follow to the fifth pier. "" "So, you're who?" "June 2001." "Pass." "How?" "I am also June 2001!" "Pass!" "Anyone else from the summer 2001?" "Yes, yes!" "Girls, I'll just register you as a group!" "Pass!" "Slava, you should be more modest, may be." "Otherwise, in five years, we'll have to charter cruiser, and this is completely different money." "I beg your pardon?" "That's, I was in hospital for two weeks, compound fracture." "Oh, I'm afraid, Slava, that your personal life may sink our barge." "Oh, it's coming, coming, co-o-ming!" "And where are dumplings?" "A-ah... borscht, borscht, borscht..." "Borscht!" "I want borscht, too." "And so, all gathered, the ship sailed, they are on the top deck drinking champagne, so beautiful, with hairstyles, because they all want to please me, well, and of course, to impress each other, too." "And then there am I, well, so..." "Well, you know, just, like this." "Hello, hello, my dear!" "Hello, at least once, but close to me, people!" "You are very dear to me, though, some of you I do not remember." "And we love you, too, Slava!" "I am really very excited..." "Let me just introduce to you the person, of whom some of you have heard, some of you have even seen, but most of you have never even suspected her existence." "And here is my wife!" "O-oh-oh!" "Oh, I don't even know what to say..." "You know, I probably have never been so proud for my husband!" "My husband is so cool, isn't he?" "It happened so that he's in my life so much more than in each of your lives, and I look at you now, you're all so sweet... and I was jealous of him, what a fool didn't want to share with anyone." "Well, can't I spare or what?" "Well, and now - let's get acquainted!" "Hello." "Oh, hi." "This is Luda from work, it's for over two years already, but it's all somehow on the run, on the run..." "Why "on the run"?" "Such a sweetheart." "Indeed, a sweetheart." "But you know, I have a rule of thumb:" "at work - with noone." "Huh?" "An exception to the rules." "Here you won't need to get acquainted with anyone, you'll recognize your best friend yourself." "Sveta..." "Hi." "Oh, what a hussy you are!" "On the other hand, we'll have something to talk about." "But agree, he is so... yes?" "He's good." "That's it!" "But you're, of course, a swine..." "Listen, but you too, you know..." "gone for a week, and then Sveta calls, she thought you're home, well and... started." "And where you, at home?" "No, we went to the hotel." "Why to the hotel?" "Nobody was home, and Sveta knows where're sheets, towels..." "And then, at the hotel, is expensive." "How much did you pay?" "Well, I paid." "What's the difference?" "Ah, sure, for my coat you have no money, but for a hotel you do." "Next time, at home!" "All right, agreed." "Oh!" "Anya, Olya, Masha, fitness instructors." "Hi." "Wait, and who is that, a man or what?" "Where?" "There, look." "Umm no, why would a man be here?" "Come on, there is a surprise for you at the bottom." "Descend." "Let's go." "Yes, but just..." "Who was that?" "Umm, a waiter must have been, well..." "The main thing is not to find yourself on the same party, but arranged by your wife." "Sash, bite your tongue!" "You think what you say!" "Sash, you don't even pronounce this aloud." "Because all of this materializes." "Oh, Lord..." "I'm so full, oh..." "Four kartoplyaniky..." "And most importantly, the first six went so well." "After kartoplyanniky, we shouldn't have eaten pierogi." "Yes, and jam it all with the pancakes." "Why shouldn't we have?" "It's all so delicious!" ""Potato pancakes, potato pancakes, too bad they are not sawn on, old ones."" "How is this "Andrew's Descent"?" "This is Andrew's Ascent." "And what is this?" "What?" "This is Andy Warhol!" "Who is it?" "What?" "The most famous artist of the 20th century, and the most expensive." "And how much is this garbage?" "This is a reproduction, and the original costs millions of dollars." "Lord, the world has gone mad... my Lord..." "This is one of his most famous paintings." "Wow!" "I wonder how I could understand that this is a great art piece, if you didn't warn me?" "Modern art is a very subtle thing." "Good afternoon." "Hello." "I was in New York at the Guggenheim Museum..." "I was there, too." "Fifth Floor" " Contemporary Art." "I entered..." "I see a picture hanging - a yellow parallelepiped." "Caption: "Yellow parallelepiped"." "I think, actually a hundred years ago, Malevich has already painted something like this, the topic is closed." "Oh well, I proceed." "Two triangles, red and blue." "Caption: "Two triangles, red and blue"." "And I was thinking, what that was?" "And it turns out, the two triangles." "I go further, and see a bunch of garbage, surrounded by a rope, and the caption: "A bunch of rubbish"." "There, Camille already became a pro in contemporary art." "In fact!" "And then I easily guessed the captions." "Well, I go on, look toilet... exactly the same rope and the caption: "Toilet is out of order."" "I began to think, is it toilet out of order or is it a work of art called "Toilet is out of order"?" "So... and what it turned out?" "Don't know." "I thought, anyway I can't pee there, because... either the toilet is out of order - it is closed, not allowed, or I'd pee on a work of art right onto the artist's soul." "And I went to look for a work of art called "Toilet is working"." "Oh!" "By the way, now I would have utilized that art object." "And I." "So, guys, you are good at this, huh?" "Well, choose something on your own." "And not very large, so that it'd fit in the trunk." "Come on, please..." "Let's go, let's go, I know where." "No, well, is it normal?" "You should've stayed there, and he would've peed for you." "No, he wouldn't have done it as good." "Well, that's for sure!" "Oh, there they are." "Thank God!" "Listen, but finally!" "It's impossible already!" "But... here!" "Well, beautiful... or terrible, I don't know." "Time is short, let's go already." "Let's go." "You didn't even look." "Lyosha, I like it." "No, wait, that's normal?" "We were worried, choosing, and they don't care!" "Well, okay, okay, how much we owe you?" "Seven hundred and fifty." "Seven hundred and fifty, how much is it in rubles?" "A hundred dollars?" "Excellent picture!" "Why a hundred?" "750." "750 what?" "Dollars." "Which dollars?" "Slava, which dollars!" "?" "I don't understand, so the picture costs three thousand?" "Which picture costs three thousand?" "you guys are off your nuts?" "I don't understand, which picture costs 3,000?" "And what you expected?" "You know, a person... meets us, organizes everything there, celebrates the anniversary of the club..." "Lyosha, I understand everything, but 3,000!" "Wait..." "So this picture costs 3,000?" "Camille, yes!" "What, U.S. dollars?" "Yes." "Well, listen, they reckoned 1,000!" "Wow, whoa we went to the toilet!" "YOu should've at least ask us!" "You said you trust us." "Yeah, sure, sure..." "Then I won't pay!" "That's it!" "I took a certain amount of money with me, I didn't count on this garbage." "I don't know..." "I'll pay you back in Moscow." "Well, it's clear that it's good..." "Well, really good." "There, Camille likes it." "Maybe I like too..." "but why so expensive?" "This is Tishchenko." "What Tishchenko?" "Popular artist" " Tishchenko." "And what?" "Tishchenko..." "Tishchenko, right?" "No, well, I heard, I heard of him..." "Well, it's obviously good, of course." "Good, good." "But still, I'll pay back in Moscow." "Or you need now?" "Better now." "Give here fifty dollars, and let's go." "And the rest?" "Slava, it costs 200 dollars, calm down." "What costs 200 dollars?" "The picture." "Which picture costs 200 dollars?" "This picture costs 200 dollars." "Really?" "And why does it cost 200 dollars?" "Isn't it Tishchenko!" "And who is Tishchenko?" "I don't know." "And I don't know." "Only Slava heard something about him." "Slava, who is Tishchenko?" "You go to blazes, get it?" "Interesting, I saved him 700 dollars, and he sends me to blazes." "Yes, and we definitely need to buy a bottle..." "good, expensive." "We decided that if you fall for it, then he'll consider it expensive, too." "This is because in art, there are no objective criteria." "In sports, everything is objective." "Say, you ran 100 meters faster than everyone else - that's it, you're the best, winner, champion." "And nobody cares about your style of running, even if you ran backwards." ""He ran somewhat too generic"." "Buzz off, try running yourself." ""Umm, but what did he want to tell us with his nine and a half seconds?"." "That you, goat, wouldn't be able to run as fast!" "That's all." "Because all of that is such a... convention." "Here, this is beautiful, that's what I understand - the beauty." "Andy Warhol, Andy Warhol...!" ""Andy Warhol what are you enwinding... over my head?" "You won't capture any booty," "Andy Warhol, I'm not yours!"" "Sash, there is no need!" "I can manage it myself." "No, well, maybe..." "Why, oh, but why, huh?" "We're in the rush, and here is this wheel..." "Come on, pick the phone already!" "Calm down already, don't worry, she must be playing with the kids." "But that's not the issue!" "It's just that she doesn't get that the phone is so that I could contact her; she has it laying in her purse, I call, and she doesn't even hear." "She'll call you back soon." "Sure, she'll call me back!" "I'll call her back in two hours and say" " I've Called 10 times!" "And she'd say: "Yes, yes, I saw." Is it normal?" "And why, say, she would come up, ask a question, and I see that it is very important for her..." "I'd begin to answer, and suddenly realize that she had already left." "That is, it was important just to ask a question, and my reply is absolutely no interest to her." "Can you explain, what's all that?" "And why, in a restaurant, she never likes what she ordered, and always likes what ordered I, and she starts eating from my plate, and I say her: "Order the same thing,"" "and she says: "Why, I just want to try." And eats half." "Yes, right!" "And you wanted exactly that much meat and and that much potatoes!" "Yes!" "And I don't mind sharing, I just don't like when somebody eats from my plate!" "Yes, and I mind sharing, too!" "And why, when she asks a question from another room, and I hear the last two words... something like: "bl-bl-bl-bl-bl green slippers", and I ask: "What?"" "And she says: "Green slippers"?" "Well, of course." "Why is she repeating exactly what I heard?" "These last two words!" "How does she do it?" "Huh?" "Or, say, you've broken up with her..." "she left you, and you write to her: "This is my last message." "I won't write you anymore, you've become a stranger to me, goodbye!"" "She does not answer." "Then the second last message - "You could have answered, we used to be close, by the way."" "The third one - "I hasten to share the joy - I stopped thinking about you." "Completely." "So, do not call"." "And she does not call." "Then you try a prohibited method, say:" ""You know, it turns out, in Moscow, there are many beautiful women, not just you."" "And still - nothing." "Yes." "And so on, a hundred more last messages." "And then the very last one - "Can't you be a normal person and just answer once?"." "And you stopped writing, a year passed - you stopped worrying." "And then a message from her:" ""It's snowing." "Happy first day of winter!"" "Tell me, what a bitch?" "!" "And the very worst is when up until yesterday everything was wonderful between you two, and today you receive a message from her - "Sorry, we can no longer be together." "Please do not call me and do not write." "I wish you be happy."" "And you can't understand - why?" "I mean, first, you were abandoned, but an additional nightmare is that you don't understand why it is so - why?" "Naturally, you start to call and write." "And after that everything is exactly as you, Lyosha, said." "But at some point, I found the precise answer to the question "why?"." "You know what?" " "Because."" "From my point of view, it is 100% precise answer to the question:" ""why?" - "because!"" "In women, this explains a lot." "Everything." "And that is why Sash doesn't get married." "Let's go." "Let's go, let's go." "And she would find out, for example, that I cheated on her..." "Quieter." "Sash, a little quieter." "...and nothing could be explained to her, because she does not understand the main thing, that for me, sex with the loved woman, that is, with her, and sex with any other woman - are two fundamentally different activities." "I agree!" "I even came up with an example for it." "Here, say, you love your wife..." "But why I?" "Quiet." "...and you also love kielbasa." "You went and bought 200 grams of kielbasa, ate it." "But it does not mean that you cheated on your wife with a kielbasa." "Tisk, tisk, what is that?" "Sveta, this is not what you think..." "And what is it then?" "Well, come on, think up something." "I wasn't even going here..." "I was going to the toilet." "And toilet is now situated in the kitchen, huh?" "So, and how long has it been?" "Not at all... well, don't start this, eh?" "You love her?" "No, well, umm..." "No, I..." "Even better!" "If you loved, I would at least understand." "Stop it, come on..." "She means nothing to me..." "You don't believe me?" "There!" "Nothing can fix you!" "Go to sleep, I don't even want to see you!" "Funny thing." "Wait, so then, I have to lie?" "Slava, of course!" "And what you think, you always have to tell the truth?" "Well, but in childhood I was taught that the truth..." "What if the Germans ask where your tanks are?" "Should we answer them or not?" "Or teach the kids:" "tell the truth to everyone but the Germans." "For example, a German asks you, well, German tourists ask you on the street:" ""Herr passer, where is Tverskaya-Strasse?"" "What are you shouting?" "Let me sleep..." "Tisk!" ""Tverskaya-Strasse?" "Verstehen?"" "And you send them to Yasenevo." "And the Germans go, in a flank formation, of course." "But how else?" ""Und, ein, zwei..."" "And fall through the ice at the Patriarch lake." "And drown because of the weight of their armor..." "Sleep!" "Doesn't sleep." "Or you met a classmate, you haven't seen her for 20 years, and she asks you flirting:" ""How do I look?"" "And you tell her the truth: "Horrible!" "Fatter, older, wrinkles around the eyes." "And also a fool to ask such questions." "Have you seen yourself in the mirror?"" "So should we teach kids: "Tell the truth to everyone but the Germans and old classmates"?" "Now what you want to do isn't the same as what you should do." "But you want to make things right." "And want to make it as you want." "And what to do?" "Leave me be, please, I can't stand it anymore..." "Why, grandma?" "I'm exhausted..." "No!" "I have to pass you cross the street!" "I'm so exhausted..." "Germans..." "Germans, how to be?" "How, how?" "Verstehen how!" "I thought so..." "Germans!" "Help!" "Take me with you!" "Come on grandma, let's go!" "Germans, wait for me!" "Germans, Germans,..." "Grandma, look..." "A road..." "Grandma, where are you?" "The road is here, but no grandma now." "And why we need a road if there is no grandma to pass cross it?" "Carefully!" "Steer out!" "Brake!" "Keep left!" "Slow down!" "Slow down!" "Movie or performance could always be stopped at some great moment, right?" "But life?" "If only it always had a happy end." "Not "he died", because "he died" is a bad ending." "For example, beautiful day, you walk along the river with your girlfriend, kissing..." "Suddenly, from behind the horizon, the credits slowly start to scroll." "And you say: "That is all?" "Wait a second, and who played me?" "Did he play well?" "I hope you liked everything?" "Because everything ended wonderful."" "If only it was so..." "Open up!" "Who's there!" "Open up!" "Sash, where are you?" "Come on..." "Get out of the car, I tell you!" "Everyone out of the car!" "Move farther away!" "Move away!" "We all moved already!" "Camille, right, stand back!" "Calm down, everybody moved away already." "Everything okay?" "All intact?" "I seem to be all right." "Hey, Camille, why are you silent?" "Everything is okay." "How did it happen?" "I don't know where she appeared from!" "She wasn't there!" "Empty road..." "and suddenly I saw her standing there." "And doesn't react." "And I horned her..." "May be she's deaf?" "And what's with the car?" "Who knows!" "But it's insured..." "We could..." "Quack!" "Whoa!" "Unbelievable..." "Listen, we're just lucky." "Half a meter - here is a tree, and there." "How did we pass it?" "A little earlier, a little later..." "and we'd bumped into a tree." "Four corps!" "You get away from the car!" "Everything is okay, okay." "And everyone has spread out, in the car!" "And one must have grouped." "Or not?" "And you were just saying "slow down, slow down", who did you talk to?" "He, as always, negotiated... with Him." "Who was saying "slow down"?" "Don't you remember?" "No." "Lyosha, and why did you tell everyone "get out of the car"?" "I don't know..." "I had to somehow..." "like in the movies, you know, a hero climbs out of the car... then gasoline is leaking... and in 30 seconds:" "Pff!" "Explosion." "Have 30 seconds passed or not?" "Bh-hhh!" "Oh!" "Sash, stop it!" "Hey, guys, are you all right there?" "Yes, thank you!" "Something happened?" "Turned over, everything is okay!" "May be we can pull you out?" "No, no, everything is okay!" "All right then!" "Why did you let him go?" "What should I have told?" "He could pull us out." "Really?" "Camille..." "I was lost..." "We'll stop someone..." "And interestingly, but the grandma wouldn't even know." "We would've been lying now - four bodies, and she would've just gone home!" "Sash, stop this - "four bodies"!" "Are you sorry that we did not die?" "No, but we could've..." "lie right here now like" " Beeeh..." "Sash, stop it!" "But" " Beeeh..." "Your time will come, will come." "Here we are." "And when it all happened, I immediately called my wife..." "And did not even recall Yana." "And I didn't call anyone." "Whom would I call?" "Come on, let's go." "Oh, Igor is there." "Hey, you handsome!" "You always come up with something." "Congratulations, my dear!" "Lyosha." "Sash." "Camille." "About myself, Slava can tell you who I am in this city." "Tishchenko." "Guys, are you crazy?" "That's way too expensive!" "Oleg, throw it here for now." "Very good!" "Thank you, my dear!" "Leave your things, relax, let's go!" "And prepare your liver!" "Rest and relax." "Thank you." "Thank you, Igor." "Champagne, right?" "Better whiskey." "Whiskey..." "How do you like it?" "Great, isn't it?" "Listen, is the sea far?" "It's so good when it's dark." "M-m-m, like in childhood." "When the lights in the whole house were shut off, everyone got a candle, walk through the corridors, so scary... but so good.... and even to the toilet - with a candle." "And I organized saliva competition in the toilet in childhood." "Spit on the door twice and watched which one comes to the floor first." "Mom scolded..." "But interesting..." "And so cozy and you feel protected." "And when you are put to sleep, the lights are turned off, suddenly you think And if the Germans come?" "Then I realized - and what?" "even if they come..." "In the next room - grandparents," "If they pass grandparents, in the kitchen - mom and dad." "Would they stick their noses?" "Not worth it." " You again with your Germans?" "And in childhood it seemed that everyone is older than me." "Well, it was indeed so." "And then the last candy for whom?" "For me." "Actually, all candy for me." "And I obviously got used to it." "So now, the most beautiful girl must be mine." "And if she isn't yours, then your dad will come, take her away from a bad boy and give her to you." "Or, you know, buy me the same one." "Or bring a better one, from the Baltics." "And my dad, in childhood, brought me 4 bottles of Fanta, and I drank them for a month." "It was so delicious!" "In my opinion, now Fanta isn't the same." "You don't even compare this Fanta with that Fanta." "What are you sitting again?" "They have already started to sing." "Slava, sit down, it's good here, too." "What is good?" "Sash..." "When I was 14, I thought that 40 is so far, that this will never happen, or will happen, but not me." "And now I'm almost 40... and I understand - indeed, it will not happen because I'm still 14." "And I feel about four years older." "I even remember what I wear." "I have these jeans..." "banana style, Turkish... sweater, also Turkish, and I'm at the disco, I want to invite Olga Chumachenko for a dance, but I'm afraid." "And the song is, remember:" "Ta-ra-ra-ra, and I..." "Turns out, there are no adults." "There are aged children." "Bold, sick, white-haired boys and girls." "You know, I got a call..." "They invited me to the 20th classmates meeting." "And I say: "Why the 20th, I am in the 9th grade!"" "When I came there..." "I saw elderly ment and women sitting." "And they are my classmates." "Which means, I'm the same age they are?" "A catastrophe!" "Stop already!" "There are girls!" "Short dresses." "Tanned legs." "Let's go." "Slava, and you will bother girls even when you are 70?" "Absolutely." "Horrible!" "I suggest you Write a letter to yourself 70 years old:" ""The old fool..." "Do not bother young girls - it is ridiculous and disgusting."" ""And if you think that it is not, it is still so."" "Why would I write it?" "Because you're going to teach and harass female students..." "Definitely, I will!" "Why would I go to teach, otherwise?" "All the way here we... about this stuff..." "Harass, cheat..." "Lyosha, and you don't cheat?" "Why me?" "Look, how she wrapped him, so pathetic." "They are probably 80 years old." "That is, they have lived together for 60 years." "And they certainly love each other." "They love, but why do you think they never cheated on each other?" "And maybe because of that they even lived for so long together and happily." "Because they cheated." "You think that does not happen?" "No." "It does not happen." "Why?" "Because I don't want to." "And this is, of course, an argument!" "Slava, think about it, and you'll see that it is an argument." "I thought, and realized that this is not an argument." "You answered right away, think it over." "Lyosh, I tell you - this is not an argument." "You know, I think, Lyosha is right..." "Maybe it is an argument." "We are sitting here now, argue, and yet it might all end." "Don't worry, it will end anyway." "You know, I would add to this letter, to yourself 70-year old..." ""And most importantly - do not worry, you had everything." "You, 40-year old." "Although, I'm afraid that's what will upset you most."" "Eek!" "Pardon!" "Slava, and why are you - "blah, blah"?" "What do you mean?" "Why are you complaining "will upset you most"?" "Why have you come here?" "Who is complaining?" "You!" "What?" "You're complaining: "blah, blah"..." "You said, "let's go dancing"." "Go dance!" ""Blah, blah, blah"!" "That's what I said!" "Didn't you want to?" "We came here from so far!" "You aren't going, you're sitting on the sand!" "Let's go already!" "Girls, girls..." "Good for you...!" "I told you!"