"Ah, Christ." "We boned up again." "We gotta keep our eyes open." "We can't see the notes." "I can't help it." "I get lost in the music." "It's too freaking' passionate." "Man!" "I can't believe Carol bought you a video game player." "That was nice as hell." "Nah, she bought it for herself." "She's getting into video games now." "Really?" "Is she good?" "She's unbelievable!" "Hi, Joel." "How are you?" "Whoa!" "She just called me my name!" "She usually calls me Joe!" "Yeah, to be honest, I didn't even think she knew your name." "What's going on with her, huh?" "She's buying video game systems and calling me by my given name?" "Yo, she sick?" "She's in a good mood!" "She's been seeing a psychic." "He told her to expect good fortune... and she won 600 bucks at the casino last weekend." "Yo, that's badass!" "He's got magical powers!" "Y'all." "Going down to the casino till next Tuesday." "Oh, there's some Lean Meals in the freezer if you're hungry." "Frozen gourmet meals?" "!" "No way!" "It's gonna be like a friggin' resort vacation!" "Yeah." "Thanks, Mom." "Nah, come on, Gary." "Don't call me "Mom." I frigging hate that shit." " Yo, later, Carol!" " Good luck rolling bones!" "Wow." "She's like a new woman." "I know, man." "This psychic's really helping her turn this things around." "Yo!" "Fire up another game." "My legs are loose now." "I'm gonna burn it up." "Alright, remember, we gotta keep our eyes open." "No matter how passionate we feel." "What the hell happened?" "Ah, shit!" "The power's out." "Freakin' Carol forgot to pay the bill again." "Well, there goes our goddamn vacation." "We could bring the video games and food over to my place and stay there." "I" " I don't really like being at your house, dude." "You're right." "It blows." "What the hell are we gonna do in the dark though?" "Why?" "What do you think, dude?" "Frigging' practice your moves." "Ugh." "Huh!" "Uh!" "Uh-ah!" "Urrrrwgh!" "Now let's talk about endocytosis." "That's... when things get pretty exciting." "I'm freaking' pissed" "Me too, man." "Science class is horseshit." "Can't freaking' understand a word Ms. Petters is saying." "No, man, I'm pissed at Carol!" "It's her fault I don't got power at the house." "She should've paid the bill." "She's a shapely woman, but she's mad irresponsible." "She's a mess." "I don't got no hot water now." "I couldn't take a shower this morning." "Your hairs looks like a wild jungle." "So then the" " Where are you going?" "To the bathroom." "Um... you... didn't ask me." "I don't got to ask you shit!" "Your class sucks dick and you're boring." " Oooh!" "Shit!" " Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Do-don't forget to, uh, sign up for the science fair." "There's... still... plenty of space left." "Oh." "Thanks, Ms. Petters." "That was a... uh, real educational class." "Yeah." "And it didn't suck dick either." "Really?" "So, you're entering the science fair?" "Eh... w" " We kind of got a crisis on our hands." "My house don't have no power." "It's been hard on him." "Look at his hair." "It's like frickin' buttered spaghetti." "I-if you boys took an interest in science, maybe you'd see how... extraordinary it is." "We frickin' love science!" "We make potions and explosions all the time!" "We lit my cat's turds on fire last week." "It was a friggin' chemical reaction!" "But all we learn in this class is equations... and letters of the scientific alphabet." "You mean the periodic table?" "Ah, I hate that thing." "I don't want to know that water and air are made up of letters." "I just want to swim in the ocean and fly in the sky." "First prize is $200." " Dang!" " That's crazy paper!" "Dude, we could use that money to pay the power bill, and then pocket what's left over." "Well, the real prize is exploring the wonders of the worl" "Oh, we could buy a frickin' switchblade!" "Sweet, dude!" "Yes!" "Sign us up, Ms. Petters." "We're in." "Ohh!" "I am serious, Aimee." "Hunter Gallevin said he would totally hook up with you." "Oh, my God." "He's a total creep." "But... he is kinda cute." "Oh, Danielle, I forgot to tell you." "I was gonna get my HPV vaccine this weekend, and I was thinking you could come." "Then we could just veg and watch movies afterwards." "You know, "whatevs."" "You want to go to the doctor's together?" "Uh..." "I want us not to get cervical cancer is what I want." "O M G." "Fire crotch?" "!" "Who wrote this?" "!" "It's not funny!" "Yo, Darius, you doing' the science fair?" "Hell, yeah." "Man, what you think?" "Ah, crap." "He's way smarter than us." "There's no way we're gonna win now." "Oh, what's your project?" "Good question." "I should ask my mom." "She run the show on this shit." "I don't get to do nothin'." "You're as smart as a goddamn owl!" "And I got ideas too, Dawg." "I'm a creative person." "Her standards are too high." "She demands excellence." "She's like frickin' Oprah Harpo Winfrey." "Y'all know Oprah be hollerin' at Gayle when them cameras is off, right?" "Yo, can we have one of your ideas?" "We're trying to win money to get our power back on, but we don't know nothin' about science." "It's a whole friggin' thing." "Shit, you can have an idea and I'll even work on it with you." "Yo, for real?" "I need to spread my wings, man." "My shit has been clipped, Dawg." "I gotta do me." "But, uh, we gotta go to your house, 'cause if my mom finds out, she'll whup my ass." "And I'm not playin' about that." "Someone wrote "fire crotch" on my locker." "What's that mean?" "You got a hot crotch?" "Nah, man." "She's got red pubes that look like fire." "Oh." "Oh, I'm sorry, Gary." "Have you seen my crotch?" "!" "You know what it looks like?" "!" "Eh, it's just what I imagine when I think of it." "Ohh!" "I looked like a total idiot in front of Danielle, and now Aimee Savarese is back in the picture." "I thought Aimee was Danielle's best friend." "Supposedly." "But then they got in a fight because Aimee called Danielle a "fake..."" "and then me and Danielle were "besties" again, which was awesome." "But now all of a sudden, Aimee's back and they're acting like nothing happened?" "!" "Ooh, y'all got some complicated relations." "I need to figure this out." "If you guys hear any leads about the fire crotch situation, tell me immediately." "Are you a fire crotch?" " Ng!" " Ahh!" "Just curious!" "You gave me a friggin' chuck horse!" "I'm gonna find out who did this." "And then I'm gonna go apeshit." "So watch out." "Ooph." "Girl got a lot of anger inside." " I'm afraid of her." " Me too." "Yep, yep." "All right, y'all ready to do some science?" "'Cause I got an idea that's bumpin'." "Shit, wait." "Wait a minute." "Hold up." "Okay, here we go." "Wait. # dah-da-da # See, that's... to go from that note to that note... # dah-da-da #" " Ahem." "Wait a minute." " Uh." "You get the idea." "The bridge is the tricky part, but" " So y'all ready to win this shit or what?" " Uh..." "I don't know." "Don't seem like science." " Di-d" "The is the epitome of science." "The vibrations of the glass create sound frequencies that we hear as music." "There's no way we're gonna win with that." "Yeah, it's bad." "Wait, I'm trying to help you... and you disrespecting me?" "Okay." "All right." "You know what I'm gonna do?" "I'm show both you and Oprah that I can win this damn thing on my own." "Big D 'bout to soar!" "Step back and watch these wings, partner!" "What the frick do we do now?" "Let's just regroup and boost our minds with some nutrients." "What the hell?" "The Lean Meals have all turned to soup!" "The fridge don't have no power." "The fridge needs frickin' power too?" "Ugh!" "Whoo!" "We got no frickin' project, no frickin' power and now no frickin' Lean Meals?" "!" "Holy shit." "Dude, I got it!" "I know how we're gonna win the science fair." "How?" "Holographic technology?" "No." "Magic." "Ohh!" "Who goes there?" "I'm Gary and this is Joel." "Are you the psychic?" "Ha-ha-ha." "Psychic." "Name's Bruce." "And I'm merely a man with a gift." "What brings you here?" "Shouldn't you already know the answer to that?" "You've come seeking my help." "You've heard of my abilities." "Oh, frick, he's good." "You kids got money?" "You wanna hear the music, you gotta pay the piper." "Yeah, we thought we could just put it on Carol's tab." "I'm her stepson, Gary." "Really?" "Carol never mentioned having a stepson." "What-g-her" " She didn't?" "Not even once?" "No." "Because she thinks of you as her own blood." "Yes!" "I knew it!" "I frickin' knew it too." "There was never a doubt in my mind." "Step inside, boys." "Yo, this is like Leonardo da Vinci's house." "Look at that poster, dude." "He's got frickin' naked-guy-on-a-pentagram!" "Just take it easy." "This is a serious place." "Oh, you eat Lean Meals?" "!" "Of course." "I love Lean Meals." "They're packed with nutrients and convenient." "But you didn't come here to talk about food, did you?" "Nah." "We need you... to help us win a science fair so we can win 200 large." "Yeah, we're gonna use the prize money to get the power turned back on in my house." "I see." "Well, your first problem is paying for electricity." "Wha-what do you mean?" "Power... comes from the sun and the water." "Are you telling me the government has the right to charge us for natural elements?" " You don't pay for power?" " I do not." "I'm self-reliant." "And I'm sensing that you two are independent young men as well." " Yeah, I'm the head of a household." " I cut my own hair." "He cuts mine too." "It's frickin' salon quality!" "I can do mad styles... frickin' angles, frickin' slick-downs, frickin' spike-ups." "That's good." "That independence will serve you well in the future." "Ah!" "Oh-ooh!" "Jesus, that's hot." "Hmm." "Winning the science fair... that's within your reach." "It is?" "Sweet!" "Oh, man, we were worried." " We frickin' suck dick at science." " It pisses me off!" "I didn't do well in science either." "I didn't do well at school." "The teachers thought I was addled... and confused." "So I became my own teacher... and went on to become the greatest scientific inventor in American history." "Uh, what the hell are you talking about, Bruce?" "Who's Bruce?" "My name's Thomas." "Thomas Edison." "Yo!" "Yo!" "He's frickin' channeling the dead!" "He's channeling the frickin' dead!" "What the frick?" "What the frick?" "He who will win the science fair is he who has the most passion." "Passion is the key to inspiration." "And knowledge without inspiration is like a boat without water." "What?" "!" "Come back to the world, Bruce!" "We need you!" "Mya-ha!" "What happened?" "You were just channeling Thomas Edison's soul." "It was bad as hell." "A-heh-heh." "That old son of a bitch, he never thinks to knock." "Ah--!" "He ate some of my Lean Meal too." "That... rascal!" "*" "Uh." "Er" "Yo, Ms. Petters!" "My power's out, Joel's place blows, so... we gotta use the class to work on our science project." "Yeah, we're pumped about science now." "Even though it ruins cool stuff by explaining it, it creates cool stuff too!" "Like it ruins fire..." " but it creates flamethrowers!" " Oh, wow-oh!" "That is wo-wonderful." "One of the joys I get out of teaching is... helping students to discover science." "Oh, it wasn't you." "It was Bruce Lindsey." "I'm sorry?" "The psychic!" "He frickin' channeled the spirit of Thomas Edison!" "I saw it with my own eyes." "We're gonna take apart my microwave... and harness the radiation from it, so you can just strap it to your body, and... like, nuke meals on the go." "You'll be, like, "Yo, Dawg, lean me, Dawg."" "And I'll just frickin' toss in a Lean Meal, nuke it right on my back." "What you're describing sounds like a chemotherapy machine." "It's all our passions come together... independence, convenience and nutrition." "And look at the ingredients on these things." "It's loaded with science." " Maybe the scientific chart of letters ain't so bad after all." " It's a periodic table!" "And I'm afraid you boys have been taken advantage of by a con man." "Come on, Petters, what are you talking about?" "Psychics aren't real." "You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" "Sorry for saying hell, but you're frickin' frustrating!" "Is it tolate to sign up for the science fair?" "I really want to enter." "That's fantastic." "You like frickin' science?" "I didn't know that." "This isn't about science." "It's about revenge." "Well, you're not going to win if you're entering for revenge." "I don't care about winning." "I just want to humiliate Aimee Savarese." "She totally wrote "fire crotch" on my locker, by the way." "She's trying to humiliate me in front of Danielle." "Well." "I'm gonna humiliate her in front of the whole school." "Yo!" "Megan, will you tell her psychics are real?" "Psychics are dirty gypsies who steal your money." "Bruce Lindsey ain't a gypsy!" "He's a magical man who told us we were gonna win!" "Ugh!" "Boys, you're not going to win." "How do you know?" "!" "What are you, frickin' god of science?" "I'm the judge." "And no one is going to win by strapping microwaves to their back." "But, wait, if we're not gonna win, that means Bruce lied to us." "Carol's gonna lose her money, and we'll never get our power back." "I'll be sleeping at your house every night for the rest of my frickin' life!" "Ahh, that's it!" "I'm walking out in a huff." "Magic, science, I'm done with it all." "Yeah, I'm with you." "This is trash." "Let's go get Carol's frickin' money back, pay the bill and forget about science for the rest of our lives." "Huh." "Come on, Ms. Petters, buck up!" "I got people saying my crotch looks like fire." "Yo!" "Bruce!" "We're pissed as hell at you!" "You don't think that I know that?" "You don't got any powers at all." "You're a frickin' con man!" "All we wanted to do... was play video games... and enjoy one badass vacation." "Instead, we got caught up in science and magic..." " and ruined Joel's childlike sense of wonder in the process!" " It's one of my best qualities too." "These are very strong accusations, boys." "I demand an explanation." "Our science teacher told us psychics were bullshit." "She's a judge, and she said our portable microwave wasn't gon' win... no way, no how." "You were gonna make a portable microwave?" "Yeah." "You could strap it on your back." "That sounds incredible." "I would purchase several." "Keep one in my yard and automobile." "She said we were insane and there's no such thing as magic." "And now it's like everything you thought before is wrong." "You're left feeling foolish... stupid, betrayed." "Yeah." " How'd you know?" " Frickin' magic?" "No." "Because I used to feel the same as you." "All my life I've suffered the judgment and scorn of scientists." "And the first stone was cast by Dr. Jacklyn Lindsey." "That's your mom?" "Jacklyn Lindsey was my father." "That's the name of a lady." "It's Southern." "It's also my name." "But I changed it when my father kicked me out of the house." "He wanted me to become a biologist." "He didn't understand... that what I do isn't a choice." "Uh..." "I'm estranged from my father too." "He left me for a life of boozing and hard times." "My dad's the oldest man you'll ever meet." "You can see through his skin." "I see a lot of myself in you two." "And I'd like to punch your teacher hard in the mouth for what she said to you." "Instead, I'm gonna help you win this science fair... and prove to your teacher that magic is real." "Sweet." "Well, how we" " Wai" " How much is it gonna cost?" "Nothing." "It's on the house." "This shit is personal." "We still don't got a project." "Oh, yes, you do." "You're looking at him." "Yo, where the hell is Bruce, man?" "He's frigging' late." "Without him we don't got no project." "We're not even sure what he's gonna do if he does get here." "He is a man of mystery." "Damn, Megan!" "What the frig is that?" "!" "A lie detector test." "I bought it at the Army/Navy store." "It cost me like 500 bones." "But it's totally worth it." "Whoa!" "That's mad loot!" "That's more than the frickin' prize!" "Don't care." "I just want to bust Aimee for writing "fire crotch" on my locker... and then I can win Danielle back for good." "Oh." "Sorry I'm late, boys." "Wish I had the power to control the bus schedule." " Who's this guy?" " I'm their science project, little lady." "'Kay." "Weird." "She has a very cold essence." "Nailed it." " Yo, is that a cape?" " Well, it's cape-like." "I wear it for warmth and comfort." "But I can't deny it creates an air of mysticism." "So, uh... where is the science project?" "I got told you." "I'm it." "I will harness my God-given abilities to prove to your teacher that magic... is as real as one of her precious petri dishes." "I think we're supposed to have posters and data and stuff." "Data's for pussies." "*" "Oh, hello, Danielle." "Thanks for stopping by." "What the hell is going on, Megan?" "You texted me 911." "I thought it was an emergency." "It is." "You're friends with a phony." "Aimee Savarese wrote "fire crotch" on my locker and I can prove it!" "Oh, my God, you're still on that?" "Who cares?" "!" "Um, uh, hello?" "!" "I do, Okay?" "!" "She embarrassed me and stole my best friend!" " Who's your best friend?" " You!" "How do you not know that?" "I'm" "I'm gonna trick her into helping me with this project... hook her up to the lie detector test... and then you'll be able to see for yourself that she's a fake!" "Trrgh." "Whatever." "She's never gonna come down here." "Megan?" "I got your 911 text." "Is everything Okay?" "Ex-excuse me, scientists, I'm-I'm comin' through." "Oh." "Russ, you're competing too?" "Frick, yeah!" "I gonna win the $200 and then I'm gonna buy a BB gun and shoot my brother in the face." ""What will peanut butter do to Russ Brown?"" " And what the hell's your project anyway?" " I'm allergic to peanuts." "I'm gonna eat a jar of peanut butter and see what happens." "Can't you, like, die and shit?" "If I don't win, I'm gonna get stabbed by my brother." "Either way I'm dead." "He's got a point." "Good luck, Russ." "We could actually win this thing!" "Russ's project is terrible, and I don't even understand what Megan's is." "Yeah." "Turnout's pretty thin too." "All right now, watch yourself." "Step to the side, please." "Oh, shit!" "What the hell's that?" "!" "My science project, son." "It's a model city of tomorrow." "What about the musical glasses?" "I'd decided to reconceive my project on a more "scientific" level, you know." "You're mom did this, didn't she?" "You damn right she did." "I can't compete with this, man." "You can flush the little toilets and shit." "Look, check this out." "Hew." "I thought you were gonna stand up to Oprah!" "Man, you can't stand up to Oprah." "I'm gonna be like Stedman." "Laying back in the cut and getting paid, man." "E-excuse me." "I gotta go find an outlet." " You think he's got us beat?" " No, man." "We just gotta trust Bruce." "I look at you... and I see a woman of passion and creativity... who's scared to be herself." "You live alone, you... eat alone, sometimes you brush up against a lamppost just to feel a touch." "Until you embrace the unknown, this world will be an asylum... and science your straitjacket." "I've been thinking about buying a... karaoke machine?" "Goddamn, woman, you are broken." "Yo, Bruce, what are you doing?" "That's not our science teacher." "That's our principal." "Oh, uh, sorry." "My bad." "I... have to... go?" "Gary, Joel, where's your project?" "Right here." "I'm Bruce Lindsey." "And I'm a goddamn psychic." "I apologize for my langue." "My tongue got away from me." "He can channel Thomas Edison!" "Frickin' bust it out, Bruce!" "Thomas Edison?" "Oh, this is ridiculous!" "You don't believe me, fine." "Then strap me up to this lie detector and ask me." "Let this machine... of science be the judge!" "Hey, weirdo?" "I'm in the middle of something here!" "Watch this!" "Bruce Lindsey!" "Are you really freaking psychic?" "You bet your ass I am." "Yo, Megan, what does it say?" "I have no idea!" " Aimee, get back in the chair!" " No!" "Y" " This is weird." "You 911 texted me so you could strap me to a machine?" "You're the one who wrote fire crotch on my locker!" "I know you did it!" "What are you talking about?" "You were trying to humiliate me and steal my best friend!" "Oh, my God." "You're a total freak." "That's right." "Get out of here!" "Aimee Savarese, everyone!" "The "vandalist"!" " You're disqualified." " Whatever." "Your class is boring." "And you, sir, are a loon." "You know who else they said was a loon?" "A fella by the name of Galileo and a guy who called himself Chris..." "Columbus that is." "People thought they were crazier than shithouse rats..." " until their vision became true." " Ow!" "You have some nerve!" "Just friggin' calm down, Okay?" "!" "What Bruce is saying is that the world needs both dreamers and scientists to survive." "The dreams o' today are the science of tomorrow." "I got powers that can't be explained by some chart or formula." "How do you explain intuition?" "Or instinct?" "Or how I know that the person who wrote..." ""fire crotch" on the redheaded's locker is standing right there next to her?" "!" "Ha!" "What?" " Danielle, is that true?" " Well, yeah." "Because Aimee told me you called me "lily-pad nipples" behind my back." "I said it as a compliment!" "How is that a compliment?" " Oh, shit!" "He's magic!" "Magic exists!" " Oh, dag!" "He friggin' did it!" "How did you do that?" "Just a feeling." "Like how I know that the $200 science fair prize is being paid out of your own pocket." "Yo, is that true?" " I just want the kids to like science." " He did it again!" " Whoa!" " Man, this is some Harry Potter shit going on right now." "You're a woman with strong convictions and passion." "I find that very attractive." "I also like the way your hair frames your face." "It's a smart look." " Thank you." " Look, I'd like to take you to dinner." "Then perhaps we can lay together." " But first, I want to kiss you." " Okay." " Mmm." "Mmm." " Ahh." "Umm." " Holy shit, dude!" "Look at that!" " It's love, dude." "The most mysterious magic of all." " Mm." " Mmm." "Thanks, Bruce." "The name's Jacklyn." "Hwa!" " Whoa!" " Whoa!" "Ah, Christ." "Uh" " Sorry." "Uh, li-little help?" "Y-- you guys?" "I think I'm gonna visit the angels now." "B-bury me in the junkyard... next to where the frogs live." "Ah, Jesus Christ, Russ." "You ate all that?" "Yep." "I'm sick as hell." "Did I win?" "Uh..." "I doubt it." "Yo, Petters!" "Who won anyway?" "Yo, take a picture of me with these $100 bills!" "Man, give me my damn money!" "Man, don't crumple it up." "Congrats on winning, Darius." "I really thought our passion was gonna win us the science fair." "No." "My mom's more passionate than anybody." "She likes to win, man." "You saw them little toilets, right?" "Ah, here ya go." "Have fun." "Pleasure doing business with you." "See you, Darius!" "Damn." "Your stepmom's gonna be pissed you sold her video game system." "Well, maybe she'll finally learn about responsibility." "Yeah, she is a mess."