"♪ Hear the Legends of the Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom!" "♪" "♪ Raised in a noodle shop ♪" "♪ Never seeking glory or fame ♪" "♪ He climbed the mountain top ♪" "♪ And earned the Dragon Warrior name ♪" "Hoo!" "Aah!" "Ya!" "♪ Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom ♪" "♪ And master the skills of bodacious and awesome!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- doom-doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ He lives and he trains ♪" "♪ And he fights with the furious five ♪" "♪ Protect the valley somethin' somethin' ♪" "♪ Somethin' somethin' alive!" "♪" "Ooh!" "Ah!" "Unh!" "♪ Kung ♪" "♪ Fu♪" "♪ Pandaaaaaa ♪" "♪ Legends of Awesomeness ♪" "Sweet." "[Traditional Chinese music]" "♪ ♪" "[Eating, chewing]" "Now!" "Make way, gents." "Time to start reading the sacred scrolls." "Oh!" "Finally I get to learn the good stuff!" "Secret moves, magic defenses..." "Now, scroll number one." "How to make tea?" "Oooh!" "Oh, you gonna eat that?" "Yes... hey!" "Get your own." "[Growls]" "Oh, I can't read about tea all day!" "Maybe I could just skip ahead a scroll or two." "Ooh!" "Scroll number 23." "Mastering the eye gouge!" " Mm-hm-hmm." "Po." "The sacred scrolls must be read in the proper order." "Can't I just skip to, you know, number 50?" "Invisible sneak attacks..." "With your mind?" "Of course not." "You need the knowledge in scrolls 1 through 49 to understand the importance of 50." "How about I skim 1 through 49, huh?" " No." " Agh!" "You will take these scrolls to the library, and read them all, start to finish." "Without distractions!" "No skipping, no skimming." "No shortcuts." "Um, don't you think that'll kinda, you know..." "[Chuckles] Take all the fun out of it?" "Yes." "Aww." "[Laughs] Oh, yes, and when we stormed off in my contraption, it sent a clear message to those spasmodic goons at the jade palace." "Mechanical always beats Kung Fu!" "We lost that battle." "Correction." "Seems like we lost." "Did you see their faces?" "No, because we were running away." "Well, you should have looked, because they were utterly terrified." "That was the victory." "They will never again toy with the fury of Taotie!" "Ooh!" "The mail!" "Ah-ha!" "The jade palace, what did I tell you?" "[Slurping drink]" "A bill for the destruction of the training hall?" "A bill!" "Enough of your petty humiliations, ShiFuand friends!" "I'll make you rue the day you were ever born!" "Rue!" "Do you hear me?" "Rue!" "Dad, they're, like, four miles away." "Besides tea, herbs can be used to make tiny decorative scented soaps." "Tiny decorative scented soaps." "Wow." "That has to be the most exciting thing" "I've ever learned!" "Nope, can't fake it." "Still boring." "[Gasps]" "This looks awesome." "So that's how you block the fists of fury." "[Gasps] Oh!" "You can do that with chop sticks?" "[Gasps]" ""The fluttering finger mind slip." ""If done correctly, erases the short-term memory of its victim."" "Swirl to the left, swirl to the right, flutter the fingers in a twisting motion and..." "[Shimmering tone]" "Ah..." "This can't be good." "Oh, hey, Po, I came to tell you that, uh, that... uh..." "Huh, I can't remember." "Must not have been important." "Whoa." "Po, it's your turn to sweep the barracks." "And this time, don't just wait for the wind." "I coughed up dust for weeks and..." "Eh..." "What was I saying?" "You were saying that you really wanted to sweep even though it's my turn, heh." "But you know what?" "I'm gonna let you do it." "Since you're a pal." "Wow, thanks, that's really nice of you to let me sweep." "This really works." "Po, don't be lazy." "You're the Dragon Warrior, the title carries great honor and great responsibili..." "[Shimmering tone]" "Ty." "What was I saying?" "Uh, tea." "You said you were gonna make yourself some tea." "And you asked if I'd like some too." " Ooh-kay." "Tigress is making me tea." "With honey?" "Surprise me." "Huah!" "Woah!" "Hua-dah!" "Sho-bah!" "Dah!" "Huit!" "Hua!" "Hua!" "[Sword clattering]" "Aw, Po!" "Yeah?" "Were you playing with my sword again?" "[Shimmering tone]" "Whoa, Monkey, you broke your sword." "Oh, I guess I..." "Yeah, I broke my sword." "Well, see you at lunch." "This is so cool." "Po, how many times have I told you not to use my Bo staff as a toothpick?" "[Shimmering tone]" "I, uh, found your Bo staff for you." "Oh, thank you." "Po, were you...?" "[Shimmering tone]" "Are you...?" "[Shimmering tone]" "Have you...?" "[Shimmering tone]" "Did you...?" "[Shimmering tone]" "[Shimmering tones]" "Ha!" "This is so great." "They can't blame their beloved panda for anything." "Hey, everybody." " Hmph." " [Hisses]" "Hiyaay!" " Who are you?" " What do you mean?" "State your name and your business!" "Po?" "Panda?" "What are you doing in our barracks?" "What are you...?" "It's me, Po!" "[Loud punches] Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Aagh!" "Unh." " Take that, me-Po!" "Viper!" "Come on, guys." "Looks like this stranger wants to rumble." "Wait, no!" "Intruder!" "Whoa!" "Hunh!" "Ha!" "Ho!" "Huah!" "Hey, I'm Po!" "We're friends!" "You know, the Dragon Warrior?" " Don't be ridiculous!" " Ooh!" "Oogway hasn't chosen a Dragon Warrior yet." "And if he did it would be one of us, not some flabby panda." " Hey, hey, hey!" " Huh!" "Yeah?" "Well, the universe is funny that way... huah!" " Hyah!" " Unh!" " Waaa!" " Wuah!" "Oof!" "Unh!" " Ooh!" " Ugh!" "Oh!" "Hunh!" "[Hissing, biting]" " Ow!" " Hyah!" "Oof!" " Hunh!" " Ooh!" " Unh!" " Yaaa!" "Waah!" "Whoa, where'd this guy come from?" "He's got some serious skills!" "Mantis, it's Po." "Po!" "Po!" "Po!" "Unh!" "Funny, loveable, sharp dresser... nothing?" " Haah!" " Ow!" "Tigress, we're friends!" "You don't attack me." "Then why does it feel so right?" "Well, you usually want to attack me, but you hold back!" "You can't take all of us at once." "On three... one..." " Wait." " Two." " Don't!" " Three!" "Hyah!" "[Shimmering tones]" "Unh!" "[Painful groans]" "Hey, you, with the, uh, face." "Do you know who I am?" "No idea." "Wait, could you be Monkey?" "No." "I am a monkey, so obviously my name can't be Monkey, right?" "Oh, my gosh, where are my legs?" "Calm down, I think you're a snake." "Oh." "Oh, my gosh, I'm a snake." "I couldn't stand it if my name were just what kind of animal I am." "I need a name with real panache." "Ooh, how about..." "Bunny..." "Cup..." "Hat?" "Does that mean anything?" "Are those real words?" "Aah!" "Not good, not good!" "This is the worst thing I've ever done!" "Well, top five." "I gotta make them remember me or I'm gonna lose my friends forever!" "Where did I put that scroll?" "Nope... grocery list." "No, no..." "Ooh..." "Spicy broth noodle recipe." "Focus, Po, focus!" "Nope, nope, where is it?" "How is the studying coming, panda?" "Have you learned anything new?" "Uh, about that." "[Chuckles] So, uh, it's possible, maybe, that I might have, uh..." " Yes?" " Uh, sorta..." "Yes?" "Accidentally..." "Used the fluttering finger mindslip a few dozen times on the furious five and now they don't remember me or anything!" "What?" "And I think I lost the scroll I learned it from." "Do you know what this means?" "[Shimmering tone]" "Po!" "[Shimmering tone] Daah!" "Uh... uh..." "I'm so sorry." "I didn't mean to do that." "It was all reflex-y." "[Cane rattling on floor]" "Uh..." "Hey, Shifu." "How's it, uh..." "So to sum up, I just told you" "I erased the five's memory with the fluttering finger mindslip that I learned from a scroll that I lost." "What?" "Then you punished me and I learned a valuable lesson." "I punished you?" "Yes, very severely." "I hated it." "A lot." "Wow, you're some Master." "[Chuckles]" "Anyhoo, here we are, fixing the problem." "Without anger." "Hmm." "There must be an antidote." "We have to search the Cave of Mysteries." "The Cave of Mysteries?" "That sounds awesome!" "And serious." "Super, super serious." "[Sighs]" "Hey..." "I think we might live there." "It's pretty sweet, are we voting on living there?" "'Cause I vote yes." "Have you guys seen this?" "My knees totally bend the wrong way." "Is this normal?" " Huah!" "Hyaaah!" " Unh!" "Hyah, suh!" "Hm, judging by our fighting skills, we must be bakers." "Yes, very dangerous bakers." "Well, I'm going inside." "Dibs on the big bedroom!" "Revenge will be mine!" "They shall be easy targets, frozen with fear." "Once they get a taste of my flying bamboo bird of incalculable retribution!" "Ah-ha-ha!" "Okay, Bian Zao, start pedaling." "I know how to drive a giant bamboo bird, dad." "I'm not an idiot." "I'm not saying you're..." "Can we just not do this now?" "Can we please just destroy the furious five and save the bickering for later?" "I don't know, can we?" "Depress the clutch!" "Did you depress the clutch?" "[Wind blowing]" "They're gonna lose it when they see me." "Taotie!" "Their Arch-Nemesis!" "[Loud crash]" "[Bamboo breaking]" "Furious five!" "First you delude yourselves with false victory, then you have the audacity to send me a bill?" "Taotie!" "Uh, is that your name?" "Or an animal?" "Behold, scrolls 51 through 10,000." "Ten thou..." "We have to read through 10,000 scrolls?" "[Po's voice echoes]" "Can't we just skip to the last one?" "Ow!" "The shortest path does not necessarily lead to the correct destination." "We start at 51." "Okay, okay." "All right." "Settle in, panda." "This could take..." "Found it." "Let me see that!" "If you mindslip someone repeatedly, their memories will begin to deteriorate on their own." "Until they can't even remember how to breathe." "We have less than an hour to reverse it." "But how?" "The mindslip can be drawn out by covering the head with Clay from the alabaster pot of remembrance." "Oh." "What?" "The alabaster pot of remembrance can only be reached by traveling down the corridor of unbelievable agony." "What's with all the long names?" "Let's go." "No, Shifu." "This was my mistake." "I must be the one to face the corridor of unbelievable agony." "Of course you're facing it." "I'm just going to show you where it is." "Oh." "This is it." "All that lies between you and the pot is 50 feet of incredible pain." "This scroll explains how to do it." "Oh!" "Do I have to read all of this?" "Yes!" "I'll go make sure the furious five don't wander off." "Good luck." "I can just skim it, right?" "No!" "[Shifu's voice echoes]" "Oh..." "What is it with you people?" "You don't know me?" "How do you not remember me?" "Seriously, how?" "I need to forget him, too." "Wait, if you expected us to know who you are, you must know who we are!" "It's a good thing we bumped into you." "Yes, yes, it..." "It is a good thing." "An excellent thing, because, um, heh-heh..." "I am Taotie, your..." "Kung Fumaster." "All:" "Master Taotie." " Uh, heh-heh." "Uh, you..." "You're Noodle." "You're Doody." "Little Britches." "Whiskers Kittypoo." "And, um..." "El Storko." "[Giggles]" "[Fake cough] Loser." "We have so many questions, Master." "Tell us who we are." "Where do we come from?" "Oh, uh, yes." "Well, my students..." "You've been my pupils for as far back as anyone can remember." "I trained you in my special Kung Fu." "Using my incredible machines..." "Which everyone in the valley was really impressed with." "[Cheers and applause]" "They called me a brilliant genius!" "Uh, isn't this supposed to be about us?" "Right, sorry." "[Crowd cheers]" "But then, at the peak of my... of our glory, there arose a terrible menace." "A dark lord of evil known as Shifu..." "Sanidiot!" "Yeah, shifusanidiot!" "[Giggles]" "And his nefarious confederate Po..." "Chewswithhismouthopen." "Lame." "And although we have defeated them at every turn, shifusanidiot and Po keep coming back." "By the way, last time we fought those guys," "I saved your lives!" "So you should be really nice to me." "And then, uh..." "Also there was a giant cake with eyes or whatever..." "The end." "I think I remember that cake!" "Anyway, point being, you do whatever I say." "Taotie!" "Get him!" "Unh!" "What is the meaning of this?" "Save your breath, Shifusanidiot!" "So, Shifusanidiot, we meet at last..." "Again, uh..." "What are you waiting for?" "Start punching him and stuff!" "Whiskers Kittypoo!" "Attack!" "Wait, I don't want to hurt you." "I wouldn't worry about that, Shifusanidiot!" "Rrah!" "Ooh!" "Unh!" "Hyah!" "Listen to me." "I don't know what he told you, but I'm not your enemy." "Preposterous." "If he's not your enemy, then why would you be attacking him?" "Good point!" "Heads up, Little Britches!" "Go get 'em, Doody!" "Hwah!" "Yaah!" "Noodles, hit him low!" " [Hissing]" " Yaah!" " Huh!" "Huh!" "Huh!" " Oof!" "Oof!" "Oof!" "Nice move, El Storko!" "Unh!" "[Laughs]" "El Storko." "That's actually pretty funny." " Hyah!" " Yaaa!" " Blah-blah-blah, unbelievable agony, heads explode, know that already..." "Ah, forget it!" "I'm gonna get that pot." "[Rattling, thumping]" "Wha...?" "[Whip cracks] Ow!" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Oh!" "Ow!" "Ooh..." "Oh, well, that wasn't so... waah!" "No!" "Waah!" "Waaaah!" "Oh!" "Ow-hoo-hoo!" "Third degree!" "[Cries, moans]" "[Swarm buzzing]" "Yaaaa!" "[Swarm buzzing]" "[Swarm stinging] Ooh!" "Ow!" "Aagh!" "Oh!" "That was... bad." "Ow!" "Hurty." "Huh..." "Gaah!" "What?" "What did I skim over?" ""To unlock the cage, use the key which can be found at the start of the corridor."" "Oh, man!" "Huh!" "Hunh!" "[Swarm buzzing] Gaah!" "Ooh!" "Ow!" "Aagh!" "Oh!" "Ugh..." "Key..." "Ooh..." "[Crashing, rumbling]" "Ow!" "Ooh!" "Oh!" "Hunh!" "Oooh!" "Ugh..." "Now..." "Wait." "Once you have the alabaster pot of remembrance, use the second key to turn off the corridor's defenses." "Second?" "Dang it!" "[Po's voice echoes]" "Aah!" "Ah!" " Guh!" " Hey!" "Unh!" "[Laughs]" "Yes!" "Feel the extension of my wrath." "Rue the day you insulted me with your petty accounting!" "Rue!" "I got the alabaster pot of remembrance!" "And a butt full of darts!" "Um, guys?" "Why are you fighting Shifu?" "They don't know who they are." "Yes, we do." "We're the furious five." "Whiskers Kittypoo!" " Noodles!" " Little Britches!" " Doody!" " And El Storko." " And you're our Arch-Nemeses," "Shifusanidiot and Pochewswithhismouthopen!" "[Laughs] Shifusanidiot!" "[Laughter trails off]" "It's... it's... funny, 'cause it's not true." "Just give them the remedy!" "Get the Clay on their heads!" "Furious five, get that panda!" "Yes, Master Taotie!" "Hunh!" "[Fighting sounds]" " Hoo-ha!" " Unh!" "Whoa!" "[Fighting sounds]" "Hunh!" "Ow!" "Yaa!" "Waaaaaaa!" "Aaargh!" "[Fighting sounds]" "Aah!" "Aaaaah!" "Hyah!" "Unh!" " Yaa!" " Aah!" "Whoa!" "[Clay shatters]" "[Clay shatters]" "Po..." "You ate my dumpling." "You erased my memory, not nice." "And it's your turn to sweep." "Yes... yes!" "Yes!" "I mean, sorry... but yes!" "Hang on, you're not our Master!" "You're..." "You!" "Told you they'd recognize me." "Aah!" "Hurry, son!" "Faster!" "Come on!" "Move it!" "Paddle, son, paddle!" "You may have stopped me now, but I'll be back!" "And I will destroy Kung Fu forever!" "[Evil laugh]" "And I'm not paying that bill!" "And then crane came in to tell me to sweep the barracks and I mindslipped him." "Then I just got into a groove." "I mean, it was just so..." "Easy." "Heh-heh." "But I was being lazy." "And I took short cuts." "And I almost lost you all." "But I'm done with that now." "Forever." "How can we be sure you won't ever do the mindslip again?" "Oh, I've got a shortcut for that." "Unh!" "[Mumbles]" "[Shimmering tone]" "Eh!" "How can we tell if it worked?" "Oh, my gosh!" "The furious five!" "I'm your biggest fan!" "Can I have your autographs?" "Will you sign my belly?" "All:" "It worked."