"♪ Switch" "♪ Switch" "♪ Switch" "It's sold out because it's obviously really amazing." "This is the end of an era." "♪ Slipping on the stilies and the really tight dress" "♪ Pouting out your glossy lips and learning how to kiss" "♪ Madness, passion..." "Hi, I'm Jonny Woo." "I suppose you could say I'm the ringmaster of this big old glittery circus." "♪ Go out tonight dressed as a girl" "Some say the word drag comes from Shakespeare's notes when he wanted boys to dress as a girl." "Some say it doesn't." "Who cares?" "I just think drag is an excuse to put on women's clothes and set yourself free." "We're part of a big extended community." " Flawless maquillage." " Look at that, ooh!" "Scottee's the youngest of the group and definitely the most ambitious." "He sets out to shock and shock is what he usually does." "What can we say about Holestar?" "She calls herself a tranny with a fanny." "That's her shtick." "She looks like a man in drag." "She acts like a man in drag." "And she has something to say." "Cos I'm a woman trying to enter that world of being a tranny, people still seem a bit wary of me." "I associate as not being male or female." "They say that still waters run deep." "But Pia is like a torrent." "And who knows what lies beneath those troubled waters?" "There is actually a third sex." "There is a set of people genetically predisposed to be different than everybody else." "Amber Swallows is outrageous." "If anyone knows where the booze and the boys are, she does." "Amber, show us your she-male powers." " She-male powers." " She-male powers." "And then there's our DJ extraordinaire, John Sizzle." "You can bet your life there's a drag superstar just waiting to get out of that one." "The whole world tells you you can't wear a skirt." "It's about going "fuck you" to everyone else." "♪ We're going out, we're going out tonight" "♪ Dressed as a girl" "If all the world were a stage and we were merely players, we were about to put on one hell of a show." "Material's very thin today." "But, hey, so am I!" "About ten years ago, we were doing some parties." "And then we came up with the idea of doing a night called Gay Bingo." "How many ways can you call out numbers?" "I will show you." "I went to the bun seller." "She was selling 74 fairy cakes." "I went, "I want some of them."" "She was selling them for 56 pence each." ""56 pence each?"" "Gay Bingo's fabulous." "It's a magnet, almost, for the scene." "It wasn't so much about playing bingo, though." "It was more about being as outrageous as possible." "Pushing things as far as we possibly could." "Oh, look, everybody, Ma Butcher's coming up on a pill." "What made Gay Bingo special was anarchy." "She's coming up, she's coming up!" "Let's give a big round..." "The format is we're gonna play bingo and we're gonna fuck you up." "We were outrageous." "It was provocative." "It wasn't about being cool." "It was about being completely and utterly insane." "I think Gay Bingo was messy." "It was about getting off your nut." "It was anarchic in a way." "Kind of bingo turned on its head." "A springboard for doing other stuff." "It's mainstream, it's accessible." "You don't have to be gay to play." "You wouldn't play." "69!" "What it was all about at the end of the day was the number 69." "Who wants to do the 69?" "Come on." "Oh my God, you're gonna have to get all those clothes off." "If the number 69 pops up on the number cruncher," " Jonny starts dry humping." " Yeah, dry humping." "Dry humping someone." "OK, do you wanna see a slot machine?" "It's time!" "You sit on their face and stick my head down their pants." "Much to the excitement of the baying crowd." "69!" "It celebrated the east, and it celebrated the alternative." "And the fashion and the art and the weird and the music and this collaboration just ignited something." "OK, we are now going for a full house." "In the early days of Gay Bingo, we were either on a massive comedown of drugs from the weekend and to counteract your, you know, the kind of massive insecurities you get on a comedown off drugs," "obviously there'd be a lot of booze being consumed." "And so that became a fixed thing with everyone." "We're on, we're pissed and the audience are pissed and for a long time it worked." "But there got to a point where it stopped working." "My drinking is linked in to being in social situations and partying and also if I have one drink I have the lot." "I don't know when to stop." "I don't stop." "You know, there is no stop." "There has never been a stop." "Beep, beep went the nurse to the doctor one day" "There's a drag queen in emergency and I just wanna say" "Her wig's on backward, she thinks she's a catch" "Her liver's in her handbag and her kidneys don't match" "Beep, beep went the doctor when he found the nurse" "The drag queen in emergency is getting worse" "She shallow fried her liver and swallowed it whole" "And the blood in her veins is alcohol" "Coo-ee!" "We're being filmed." "How are you?" " Nice to see you." " I'm fine." "My mum told me once, and this was quite recently actually, she said, "I was always worried that you were always kind of..."" "Not so much scared of failure, really, but I think she was worried that if I felt I hadn't done well enough, I'd commit suicide." "Listen, he looks his best anyway cos he's my son." " There you go." " He's our son, you see." "I always worried about Jonathan." " Well, yeah." " Cos he nearly died." " Nearly died when he was born." " When he was born." "Three times you've been rushed to hospital with life-threatening things." "Well, it's a recurring theme in my life, isn't it, clearly." "I hope you've only had three." "I don't want any more." "I was in hospital with multiple organ failure as a result of drinking and taking drugs." "I was in hospital for about five and a half weeks." "On death's door." "Dialysis, the lot." "♪ In the darkest night" "I didn't know Jonny as a performer before he came into intensive care." "He was critically ill." "His liver wasn't working." "His kidneys were starting to fail." "I had multiple organ failure after party central." "And then I wake up two and a half weeks later in intensive care." "When we had this phone call to say he was rushed into hospital, it was awful." "Erm..." "It was awful." "You know, we all hide behind various masks, and alcohol or drugs are a mask." "The route to survival in this is that you've got to set yourself some rules." "And if you don't set yourself some rules, life will become very difficult." "You have to nip it in the bud and the sooner you can do that, the better, you know." "Performers are all insecure creatures." "We entertain, we're fabulous." "Inside we're screaming." "Don't do drugs, stick to drag." "Well, here's to another 40 then." "Here's to another 40 years." "Cheers." "I think he appreciates his family more." " Yeah." " But it was something" "I'd never want to ever, ever have to go through again." "No." "It was the worst time of my life." "When I came out of hospital, I needed to make up for lost time." "Nothing was gonna stand in my way." "I started kind of pulling various people together and got really excited about seeing something new and really community blossoming." "There was also this, you know, thrill at kind of working with loads of different people." " Morning, Woo-Woos." " Hi, trans." "It's Amber Swallows, look." "She's trans." "Welcome!" "I consider myself to be a straight woman but I've also been a gay man." "Morning!" "When I first met Amber as she is now, she was Dean." "Every time I see her she's had some more work done." "This is it, we're getting on." "Document it." "I used to have a skinhead, have tattoos all up my neck, which I am just kind of like getting rid of." "My whole dressing-up side has gradually kind of taken over." "We are the trannies doing a gay tent at Glastonbury, which has never been done before." "Have you seen the hotel sign?" "Have you seen all this shit?" "We have our role to play." "It's a zone, it's the trans zone." "It's about being colourful." "So what if our balls are hanging out of our bikinis?" "I love working with loads of other people." "I love seeing people get excited about being part of the scene." "I love new faces coming on and trying out mad looks for the first time and being part of the dance troupes." "♪ Move a little closer, you can see it in my eyes" "There aren't any more." "We need them." "♪ To hell and back and that's something I can't disguise" "♪ How does it make you feel" "It's camaraderie." "It's part of it all." "This is the fucking work getting done." "Jonny will probably be naked in a field." "And Amber Swallows will be fabulous." "Where is she?" "Hey, hey!" "Welcome to Glastonburg!" "I've come as a representation of Aids." "People died, this is a symbol of death." "It's very glamorous." "In drag!" "It might not look glamorous but inside, we're feeling glamorous." "It's pissing with rain out there." "Not happy!" " This is nice." " Just something I picked up." "In a brothel!" "Make some noise!" "Lousy fucking bitches!" "It's always very mixed." "Yeah, I'll be getting my kit off and if they don't like it, fuck 'em." "Who cares?" "They're all off their tits on acid anyway." "Are you ready for a show?" "This is a crew who were so on fire." "It was a crest of a wave." "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!" "My name is Scottee and we are here to entertain!" "It was that feeling of, oh my God," "I belong somewhere." "Got this sense of like community." "It was completely and utterly bonkers." "Everyone was completely off their tits." "Stand clear." "We're coming through." "Holestar!" "My God, tranny injury." "Holestar has been hurt." "She's not dead, that's all we have at the moment." "I slipped over." "All I know is my knee went one way, I went the other way." "It fucking kills." "This is absolutely live." "Holestar being carted off to the Priory." "Holestar, we've heard you were pushed." "Is this true?" "That's nasty!" "She pushed you." "She pushed you." "All the drag queens thought it was hilarious." "She's off to Hollywood to have her fanny stitched up or something." "In memory of Holestar, we are renaming tonight's number not Rapture but Fracture." "Yeah!" "♪ Whoa-oh-oh" "After, what is it now, 15 weeks," "I've finally got the results back." "Something's degenerated below my kneecap." "I'll have JPS, actually." "Menthols, please." "Yeah, thank you." "It's quite upsetting, especially when people think you're doing it for sympathy." "I've not actually received any sympathy so I wouldn't be doing it for those reasons." "Julie." "Julie Holestar." "Apparently she twisted her toe or something." "I can't think." "People just didn't seem to give a shit." "I feel like I don't exist." "Because you're an animal that's been injured and packs of animals, when one is wounded, when one is lame, they leave it." "And when I was first diagnosed with hypermobility syndrome, erm, I was 20." "The doctor that diagnosed me initially, said that I would probably be in a wheelchair by the time I was 30." "This accident pre-empted what life could be like." "But I eventually will have to be in a wheelchair permanently." "Which is really upsetting." " I assume she's quite well." " Fair to middling." "Yeah." "After Glastonbury," "Time Out asked me to throw a party at the Royal Opera House to show off the best of east London's drag superstars." "It was a showcase for Jonny to do something with a bigger budget in a bigger space." "I don't want to jinx it, I am kind of like the drag queen of choice." "Hopefully I'm making hay while the sun shines." "I don't know if it's brave of them getting Jonny, but it's definitely something quite edgy that they're doing." "Stop." "Stop." "I don't feel too nervous, actually." "I will be a bit later." "Jonny's talented, he's got the vision, the direction." "I see my sort of job working with him as a kind of enabler." "Be ready." "This show is gonna start, ready or not." "I've only given myself a job so I can hang around and be part of that sort of level of creativity." "♪ I I-I-love it" "♪ I want it" "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Jonny Woo's Phallo in the Sky." "♪ Fistful of fairies make a hell of a balloon" "♪ How to rock and roll party" "♪ And he went to the kitchen for his fairy cake" "Jonny Woo's a superstar now." "He's busting it out." "You got some lipstick for Jonny?" "Quickly." "Everyone, calm down." "I've got lipstick for Jonny." "Jonny needs lipstick." "Jonny, I've got some somewhere." "♪ There are no fairies" "♪ Fistful of fairies lie around the floor" "♪ In a flat downtown on the 52nd floor" "Audience are great." "There's not many of them." "You standing there in your girly poofy outfits." "I'm more of a man than you could ever be." "More of a woman you could ever want." "Bend over, spread 'em and start praying." "All of those things that Jonny's really good at," "I thought he was bigger than he ever has been." "Although I've spent all week having weird dreams, being really anxious." "I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror." "♪ We are the glamorous, we are the golden kids" "♪ We make the world shine because of what we did" "♪ We are the glamorous, we are the golden kids" "♪ We make the world shine because of what we did" "♪ We are the glamorous" "Please welcome to the stage the one and only Scottee!" "I wanted to get as many people involved as possible." "And they loved it!" "Holestar was out of the wheelchair." "It was fab to see her with a stick." "This is the best thing ever." "And I really mean it." "Like, I'm sweating." "The whole time I was just like..." "When we did the Royal Opera House there was a sense of togetherness." "It's sad that we don't have that togetherness any more." "My background is a little bit twisted." "I did a show about this last year." "This story's about my mum." "She's damaged." "It's about my dad." "He's also quite damaged." "It's about me." "My mum was an alcoholic and an over eater." "And my dad was a drug user and an alcoholic." "♪ They say there's nothing like a mother's love" "I've got lots of early memories of finding drugs on my dad and my mum stopping off before taking me to hospital, cos I was having an asthma attack, to buy bottles of whisky." "♪ Will anyone feed me love" "♪ And rid me of this..." "And they used to beat each other up quite a lot." "And lots of failed suicide attempts." "And so that kind of did build me into the person" "I suppose who I am today." "♪ Everyone needs a mother's hand" "But when I was 18 I had a nervous breakdown." "And that kind of really affected me and I thought, right, I need to take control of this." "♪ That I want my mum to fade away" "On my 18th birthday I stopped all contact with my parents and my family." "And I haven't spoke to them since." "♪ All the time I wanted" "♪ I..." "By the time I was eight I already knew that I wanted to be a woman, or at least not a boy." "You start to see everybody turning into men around you." "And you're fucking terrified." "There are people as young as eight years old killing themselves." "Cos normality says that I have to be like you." "You are born this way." "It isn't a nurture thing." "It's nature." "You don't really get a handbook of how to parent." "And if your child is a bit weird then you do the best you can." "My mum and dad did the best they could." "First time that I really knew" "I was a transsexual man was when I was 13." "My favourite T-Girl, Miss Amber Swallows!" "Amber's on the road to transition now." "Yeah, it's a big step to take." "Ladies and gentlemen, this is evening wear." "Putting the wig back in the box and keeping the wig on all the time are two different things." "You do get a lot of girls that you get your first bit of surgery or whatever, or you get a nice pair of tits and it turns into more of an addiction." "You end up looking like a cartoon character of what you really want to be." "She's absolutely wonderful." "Wearing all of last year's fashions at the same time!" "I'm having a big major operation tomorrow." "A little treat for myself." "Tomorrow, that is what I'm having done tomorrow." "So..." "So, Amber, you look a little bit different." "Pretty much, yes, I've just come out of hospital." "Apparently I was a real heavy bleeder." "So I'm kind of used to that with all the tampons I go through anyway!" "So next ingredients into the fucking fruitcake are a pair of tits!" "Everybody keeps asking me about downstairs." "Keep the peace." "You know what they say?" "Keep the peace, babe." "That's what I am in life." "A three-legged girl with a secret." "I used to be really good friends with my dad at one point but I think I've messed the relationship up because of a situation that happened a few years ago." "My phone had gone missing." "And then I realised, oh my God, it's my naughty phone that went missing." "It's literally got pictures of the insides of my fanny so that kind of gives you an idea of what's in the phone!" "So my dad has gone through the phone, obviously seen all these text messages." ""Amber, when am I gonna get to kind of like fucking slip you one up your tranny fanny?"" "I opened the front door to my daddy." "And he threw the phone at my head and spat in my face!" "He was like, "You're a fucking disgrace, you, Amber."" "There's a big difference between Holestar and Julie Hole day wear." "And Julie Hole day wear in the past could have had a tendency to not always look on the brighter side of life." "But..." "But then we can all be a bit like that." "♪ Vashanka, Vashanka" "♪ You're a fashion wanker" "There's a frustration in me where I think why don't I deserve..." "I deserve, I think I deserve to have a little bit more recognition." "Just have a little bit more acceptance, perhaps." "I see other people's shows and I think why are they getting those opportunities and I'm not?" "And I'm better than some of the shit out there." "Tell me what's going on today." "I'm doing a drag queen workshop." "Cos I guess they're expecting a man." "I presume." "Cos that's what people usually expect, erm... is a man." "Calling myself a tranny with a fanny, it still jars with a lot of people." "I've got a feeling they might be outside." " Hello." " Hi." "I'm not ignoring you." "I'll be back in a moment." "Anyone for drag?" "No drag?" "Anyone for drag?" "Drag?" "Anyone here for drag?" "Anyone for drag?" "No?" "Let's just go back in and sod it." "Why do you think people might not want to do it?" "Because they're scared." "Can't teach it with two people." "A grumpy young boy and a lesbian." "Ooh, the drama!" "Ooh, pull, push." "Pull?" "Pull!" " Holestar is amazing." " Private Hole!" "There's no one else coming." "Sod them." "She's a rose between 15 transvestite thorns, isn't she?" "She's even more funny when she doesn't mean to be." "Come forward, come forward, come closer, come closer." "So..." "If you haven't noticed already," "I'm not actually a man." "I'm actually a lady." "And I call myself the tranny with a fanny." "And that's my kind of shtick, really." "You may be thinking why is a woman doing drag or what qualifications does a woman have to do drag?" "Well, I've been doing this now for seven years." "Used to do it in Europe." "In Vienna, all round central Europe." "She's got a lot to say about gender and what you're allowed to do cos she was in the army." "She went through the whole trying to be normal." "And then realised what the fuck was I doing in the army?" "She left the army and ran away to become a drag superstar." "Erm..." "Yeah." "Just looking at those pictures." "My song was out yesterday." "Got a new song out." "Which we'll talk about later." "So that's me." "Tell me a bit more about you." "I've recently become a Christian." "Erm..." "That's quite a big part of my life." "You're gonna be Teresa Green just for now." "There we go!" "We're getting it, we're working it." "Keep going, honey, keep going." "Work, work, work." "Ooh!" "At the end of the week there's a performance that I'll do in front of everyone else." "And they're gonna be doing my song!" "Teresa Green, who is Jules, was all up for doing today." "And mincing around in his heels." "Her heels." "And can't seem to find her, she's missing in action." "♪ Don't try to fit me into your heart" "♪ Cos there's too much of me" "Part of the feeling that I felt today from either being God or the Holy Spirit saying I shouldn't do it, that it just told me not to do it." "♪ Yeah-hey, yeah-hey" "♪ Yeah-hey, ah ah" "That was..." "You saw the show." "Was it good?" "Yeah." " Do you wish you'd done it?" " In a way." "Well, I saw him in the tent and I thought he's just got scared, what have you." "But he just pointed to the ceiling and he said," ""I was told not to do it."" "And it took me a minute." "Ah, God." "Makes me sad that we live in a world in the 21st century where people still persecute people." "Putting a dress on in a western little village at a performing arts school, you'd think that's normal, par for the course." "But it's still something that people still find quite shocking and wrong." "And that disturbs me a little bit." "All I'm trying to do in life is just make a go of things." "Open a really nice shop, do my thing." "It's not rocket science." "The whole idea of the shop, really, is to kind of like, you know, to cut out the middle man in terms of buying high-end luxury stuff." "So the stuff that we get here, we get all the cream stuff from the catwalk." "So much hot trade goes past this shop every day." "Builders, scaffolders, all day long." "Amber in the window!" "Hi!" "My main problem is as soon as I open my gob, you know, people are on it straightaway." "They're like, she's got a bit of a secret she ain't telling us." "But I look pretty good from behind." "I reckon I could pass looking this way like that." "Soon as I turn around, I'm fucked." "I'd only get straight gays, only." "I mean, come on." "Who wouldn't have a slice of the honey pot?" "I think it's the intrigue and the mystery." "It kind of makes people want to discover a bit more." "What else can she have down her knickers apart from a big cock?" "Maybe she's got three tits as well, you know." "I went shopping this morning at the surgery." "And I picked myself a nice pair of... 34G silicone breasts." "Tried them on, had a little whiz around the surgery." "They looked great." "They're really, really big, though." "So I don't know what they're gonna look like." "Do you like big tits, Tony?" "I like any tits, to tell the truth, as long as they're nice." "I'll bring them in a plastic bag and show you!" "It's almost like what I'm doing here." "I'm decorating the shop." "It's pretty much what it is." "To be honest, I don't know where I'm gonna get the money from to pay for my boobies." "I don't know where she gets her money from." "She might sue me." "That's probably what she does." "She waits for someone to hypothesise about where she gets her money from and then she sues them for slander." "That's where she gets her money from." "I need to get six grand by April. £6,000." "I'm gonna have to get that." "Cos I know who it is." "Oh, it's nonstop." "So where are you?" "Highbury?" "So you wanna come over and see me?" "OK, so tell me about your dick, how big is it?" "Really?" "What do you wanna do with it?" "What?" "OK, call me when you're at the station, alright?" "Alright, babes, bye." "I can't believe the time." "It's nine o'clock." "Right, I'm out of here." "I have to say, I've done my research and I think this is the world's first ever boobathon." "Definitely tranny boobathon anyway." "We're trying to get our sister some titties." "OK, yeah, you know, everyone's out for themselves, but I actually consider myself part of like a little tranny meerkat clan." "It's a matter of no tits or tits." "We need tits." "We are raising money for Amber's new tits." "We wanna see all of you there now." "Over to Ma Butcher." "Hard cock." "Boobathon!" "Yes!" "It's a boobathon!" "We love Amber!" "It's very important cos she's a very good friend of ours." "And we know it'll make her very happy." "Because she doesn't get enough action as it is." "The girl needs a rack!" "We're gonna raise that dollar one way or another." "She'll have those titties and we as a family have bought our sister Amber her tits." "And thank God for that." "I had my sex change six months ago." "My hair transplant was 2,500." "My nose was 2,000." "This was 5,000." "Er..." "My boobs were 3,000." "My hips were 4,000." "And my vagina I did on the NHS." "I just went bankrupt." "At night I was escorting to pay off the loans for my surgery, which most of us have to do." "And anyone who thinks that this is a choice is absolutely insane." "Now it is eight o'clock in the evening." "The place is hammered." "I'm talking about..." "How much was that worth?" "This is a bum print, remember." "Ooh ooh ooh!" "Ooh ooh ooh!" "♪ London's getting dirty on the dance floor" "♪ London's getting dirty on the dance floor" "Amber's tits?" "No, I haven't seen 'em." "But I will see them." "Everyone will see them." "There's no rush." "Here he comes." "Oh my God!" "£20!" "£20!" "Yes!" "♪ See you do it, see you do it, see you do it" "You don't choose your family, you choose your friends." "And I look around the room tonight and I think, thank you." "Thank you, you." "Thank you, you." "Thank you, you." "It's called a community." "If somebody wanted a cock enlargement, I'd be there." "Amber Swallows, how much money have we made tonight?" "The total amount is... £4,260!" "I like to think that I own like a little piece of her nipple." "It belongs to me." " What about Africa?" " Kids in Africa." "Somalian droughts!" "OK, this is trans community spirit." "This is people that give a shit about other people." "Amber!" "Amber!" "Amber!" "  She didn't!" " She did!" "I thought she was taking the piss." "I've just had my life-changing operation, which is my boobies." "Bearing in mind that this is the first time that I've seen them as well, so let's see..." "..what's happened, and where that boobathon money has been spent." "Ta-da!" "Amber's new girls." "Hello, babies." "How are you?" "In a way I kind of feel a bit pissed off that I've had to pay for them." "Cos really they should have been here when I was born." "Some people don't like my kind of people." "And sometimes you need to take a stand." "Adolf Hitler was a Roman Catholic." "When the Pope came over, a lot of people were talking about wanting to protest against it." "And so I'd written this rap called "Pope Benny"" "where I made the Pope a Scouser." " Get your nun's outfit on." " Alright, alright!" "Hi, kids!" "I'm dressing up as the Pope today." "I'm promoting my new hit single, Rapping at the Vatican." "Can you get in the car?" "We are going to Hyde Park Corner, where the protest against the Pope is happening today." "They're killing all the gays in Africa, aren't they?" "They are." "Killing all the bears?" " Killing the gays in Africa." " Oh God, yeah." "♪ Listen, kids, my name is the Pope" "♪ I'm slipperier than a soap on a rope" "♪ I'm a pimped-up kind of religious man" "♪ I'm a geezer rapping at the Vatican" "♪ I'm the Pope so don't abbreviate" "♪ With "what's up, chuck?" or "hey there, mate"" "♪ The cardinals think I am it" "♪ My bezzies call me Benedict" "♪ My name is Benny" "♪ I'm Benny the Bible basher" "The Pope was saying that gays and transsexuals were a bigger threat to mankind than deforestation." "Right-wing evangelistic Christian culture would happily see us not on the map at all." "And that needs to be addressed." "What I really like about people like that is that they talk such utter massive bullshit that it's quite obvious that they're being completely twattish." "♪ I'm a blinged-up kind of religious man" "♪ I'm a geezer rapping at the Vatican" "♪ My name is Benny" "I'm saving arseholes tonight." "Non-believers, fuck off!" "Everybody else, do the cross!" "Whoo!" "On one side of the page there was a banner that says "suffer little children"" "and on the other side, there was Jonny." "Jonny doesn't actually say anything." "♪ My name is Benny" "♪ I'm doing the Bible bash" "I would expect more to be said about the hideous crimes that have been committed by the Catholic Church, and less about his performance as a pop star." "There is a cut-off, isn't there?" "In clubland." "What's the cut-off?" "It's 45, isn't it?" "I've got literally 1,000 days left of clubbing left in me." "Come on." "Let's go, kids." "This is Gay Bingo!" "I think John Sizzle is the party queen de jour." "He's the grande dame at the moment." "Snuffing up all the DJ gigs." "John Sizzle, look at that." "Primark's finest, she is." "Let's read some palms." "You are all gonna have bloody shits tomorrow." "Why do you you pretend you're a psychic?" "I don't believe a word." "I need a career." "A new career." "I sense someone behind me." "I do not like having my tits, my arse or my mangina goosed by drunk twats in nightclubs." "You're the shaky drunk." "Obviously." "What's your name?" "I just want to go home to bed." "I want to forget all about this." "Put it down to experience." "Happens to all the greats." "The thing with John, John always battles with this idea that he shouldn't be a drag queen." "We've got this wonderful DJ booth." "It's crystal encrusted." "So he's always kind of pretended not to really like being a drag queen." "She didn't want it." "She wanted to be on full display." "Between you and me, I have got quite a gash." "I think drag's got a shelf life, right?" "Eyes down for a line, come on, let's go." "I need some methadrone immediately." "You ask most drag queens." "I don't think they wanna do this in their mid to late 40s." "I am looking for an escape." "Should I be taking this down to here?" "So I'm doing upholstery." "This is going back to what I used to do." "I always used to make stuff." "Looking good." "Bit of shabby chic." "Just nice, isn't it?" "Just the idea of pottering around in a dusty old shed." "Like, you know, stuffing old pouffes." "What's my name again?" "Ofrah." "Oh God." "The things we do for 50 quid." "Lovebox is really..." "It's good because I feel like it's a culmination of lots of things I've been doing over the past few years." "So from a personal level, that's very kind of gratifying." "We're performing to thousands and thousands of people." "So in the back of your mind you're hoping that exposure's gonna lead on to something bigger and better." "Jonny, he still should cross over into the mainstream." "Out of all the things I've done, this is probably the biggest thing I've done." "And this one hopefully is going to be to 15,000." "♪ Get your raggedy ass up and sit the fuck down" "My titties are freezing cold." "My Spandex is wet." "And, yes, do you know what?" "I've always been a bit of a show-off." " Have a brilliant show, dears." " Thank you." "Welcome!" "Scissor Sisters!" "Whoo!" "I'm having quite a fun day." "You know, get to run out on stage." "Whup whup!" "Please welcome the amazing Miss Beth Ditto!" "Whoa!" "Go, baby!" " It's all about Jonny." " Jonny Woo!" "♪ What you gonna do, what you gonna do" "♪ When the party's over?" "♪ What you gonna do, what you gonna do" "♪ When the party's over?" "♪ What you gonna do, what you gonna do" "♪ When the party's over?" "I didn't see Jonny on stage cos I was doing my own job at the time." "Some of us have got to work, you know." "What's happening?" "Amber and cohorts were grabbing cock wherever they could." " Watch the hair!" " Amber Swallows." "Watch the hair!" "Everybody's trying to steal my gum." "Basically I missed everything because I was tossing some guy off." "We're getting out of here." "We belong in a different place." "I wanna go and fuck a chav to death." "I am just about to introduce Blondie onto the stage." "It's my biggest audience, isn't it?" "She is the one!" " Blondie!" " Blondie!" "Blondie!" "Blondie!" "Blondie!" "Blondie!" "Blondie!" "The wonderful, the sensational Miss Debbie Harry!" "Blondie!" "Whoo!" "It's good that I got to introduce people this year." "It'd be nice if people came in thousands to see me one day." "But maybe they have." "Have they?" "No." "But they might have." "Have they?" "No." "Do you like my entourage?" "Can we see my entourage?" "Hi!" "That is success!" "Whoo!" "I thought I'd show you a little sexy Sizzle secret." "Part of the woods where I used to procure married men and relieve them of their dignity." "Everybody knew that John was gay except me." "I was the last one to know." "His dad knew, his sister knew." "I never seen him wearing my clothes." "I can see the exact tree where I lost my virginity." "I mean, the thing is, like, you know, people don't understand the idea of cottaging." "Heterosexual people don't understand the idea of cottaging." "And they see it as like..." "like dirty homosexuals and their lust for cheap and nasty sex in parks and places where there are hedgehogs." "It was the love that dare not speak its name because you got into trouble." "You couldn't walk around holding hands." "I remember in the '90s and my boyfriend and getting stopped by the police for kissing him in the snow outside a theatre in town." "It was really romantic." "I mean, nobody could ask for a better son, actually." "I think a lot of people would be jealous if they had a son like mine." "There was no way for me to meet gay men." "And so you met people furtively and I think even though we were having sex, a lot of the time it was just about contact." "It wasn't just about getting your rocks off with some 70-year-old who looks like Rod Stewart." "He came out with it and said, "I'm gay."" "And I said, "If you promise me you don't go near the parks, you know, these seedy type things, cos you get beaten up," "I'm quite happy."" "I think I slept with about 1,000 people in two years when I first started." "I was addicted." "Nothing like a bit of cheap sex." "Hello, tree!" "Remember me?" "I remember you!" "This, like, middle-aged guy, like, blond hair and a mac whisked me up here and then he fucked me up against this very tree." "It didn't even hurt, I was loving it." "I was literally like a cat clawing at the bark." "I think about a month later, I was going to work on the tube, and opposite me was him, his wife and two kids." "He was still wearing the same mac." "I realised the first time that men are quite possibly shit." "And the gay scene is going to be really dicey." "It didn't put me off though." "Goodbye, tree." "♪ I'm a big daddy tom with a big daddy cock" "♪ And daddy is looking for his boy" "Pia, really, of all the clan, she's the one that's the most, I suppose, invisible now." "Pia, I haven't seen Pia for donkey's." "I've stopped taking hormones because erm..." "My intention this year is to get castrated." "She's one of these people that doesn't wanna conform and be a woman." "She wants to be this amazing trans creation that she is." "I just started to get hairy again, which is really horrible." "My boobs are less full and I'm losing my ass." "I've lost two inches off my ass which is sort of quite alarming." "It was a vote against vanity." "She had to do her own thing." "Speaking to a few people, it sounded like that was for the best." "I'm clearing the decks for the dissolution of mankind to all intents and purpose." "There are huge changes afoot with the actual earth possibly will turn end to end." "You could be on top of Everest with two miles of water on your head." "Everything that we know as physics is wrong." "There is a very interesting radio transmitter called Harp." "Point this thing at the earth, you can create a huge bass note which makes the earth vibrate." "To be honest, I think a lot of Pia's conspiracy theories are drug related." "It's a shame." "I don't think the world's gonna end this year." "It's gonna drag on." "I'll say when it's gonna end." "I haven't really broached the subject with a lot of the performers." "Generally people on the street tend to raise an eyebrow." "She could be right." "She'll be there on her narrowboat, drifting away with her cats, going, "Fuck you, you ignorant twats, you didn't listen to me."" "People have been walking around with boards on saying the end is nigh for bloody years." "There's nothing new, darling." "Yeah, I'm quite looking forward to it." "We are party to the world changing." "We are very privileged to possibly all die horribly but they will know that I was right." "Sorry." "Check this out." "♪ It's my hormones, they're ripping into my bone" "♪ Taking over my waist and slipping into a zone" "♪ It's my wild side, I've always been so denied" "♪ When I see you I just knew that I just wanted a ride" "Every time I come in the park I always seem to get erm... trade." "I think everyone's horny in this park, it's a horny kind of park." "There's one just right behind me staring at me now." "Here goes." "Yeah, I take myself seriously." "I've lost nearly three stone." "Yeah, I feel a whole lot more positive." "She's got her shit together, hasn't she?" "She's stopped being a complete bladder on a stick." "According to some transgender prophets, it's gonna be the end of the world this year so I hope I get in contact with my dad before then." "I'm gonna invite him down to London to maybe come and stay with me for the weekend." "Hopefully try to bring him into my life." "At the end of the day he's my dad and I'd like to be his friend." " Hello?" " Dad?" "Hello?" "Hi, it's me, Amber." "Hello, you OK?" "Yeah." "Ah." "I've not spoken to you for a long time." " It's my birthday tomorrow." " Tomorrow?" "I know." "So if you want, maybe we can meet up?" "Go and have a bite to eat?" "Yeah." "OK." "You're not gonna get freaked out, are you?" "Huh?" "I said, you're not gonna get freaked out, are you?" "I look a little bit different from the last time you seen me." "Huh?" " You'll have to put up with it?" " Hello?" "You'll have to put up with it?" "Yeah, I think you will." "You'll have to just put up with me, I'm afraid." "There's a lot of sadness just to think, you know, of all the shit that happened here." "And then he starts to rub himself up against me." "And so I start to rub myself up against him." "And I'm not touching him cos I remember thinking to myself, if I touch him, that's the thing that makes me gay." "A lot of my sexual experiences happened around about the age of 12 to 15." "And they happened in these sheds that are kind of around the estate." "And the local boys would do what they wanted with me." "It's interesting that woman just looked back and laughed at me." "I went to school with her son." "I don't say anything cos I've never spoken to a policeman before so I'm petrified." ""We're arresting you on suspicion of buggery and rape."" "I'm 13 years old." "On an estate, news travels quick, very quick." "Erm..." "And it got out here that I'd had sex with a guy when I was 13." "And then that got warped into "he's a rapist"." "And then to be a gay rapist was the worst thing." "Like the worst thing that you could possibly be." "They ask me to stand up and so I do." "And they say to me, "You're free to go."" "I was free to go." "I was never allowed to go back into education because I was a risk to the other students." "My mum had to deal with death threats on my life and I was branded a rapist on my estate." "But I was free to go." "And with this show, you know, I've toured it round the world." "It's won awards, it's got great reviews." "And then I brought it to London and I brought it to the Roundhouse, which is literally on the edge of the estate." "And I guess I feel that weird fear again." "Like maybe they're gonna tell me off." "Who?" "What's this weird thing that I'm worried about?" "I constantly worry." "I don't want to carry around any form of shame any more." "I need to let this shit go." "There's a fat girl in the corner" "And she's the office clown" "The life and soul of parties, never easy to weigh down" "She can count her friends on one hand" "She knows who to trust" "The plump girl in HR, the boys at school cussed" "There's a fat girl in the corner" "She's been like it since her teens" "She blames her mum's side for the obese gene" "Hair is always pristine, flawless maquillage" "Underneath the war paint, a broken facade" "There's a fat girl in the corner" "And for once she's had enough" "Things have gone pear shaped" "She wants someone to love" "Overworked, overeaten, and overweight" "A 20-something fat cat who never got her bait" "There's a fat girl in the corner and now she's deceased" "Went down the wrong hole, her midnight feast" "She ate a box of doughnuts" "She shoved them down her throat" "The thing that killed her was" "The thing she loved the most" "Does anybody want a flyer for my show?" "Would anybody like a flyer for my show?" "That is about as involved as my pitch is." "Hello, would you like to come and see my show?" "Hello!" "No, another no." "I'm not fulfilling my potential." "I've kind of sold myself short." "That is when I get really depressed." "There's been a lot of boys with their pants down to get attention." "Hello, darling, how are you?" " Very well, how are you?" " I'm very good." "I hate it." "Stars, stars, stars, stars." "That's what everyone wants, stars." "Desperate for reviews." "For the stars." "Roll up, roll up, ladies and gentlemen, don't be shy." "Am I lying in the gutter looking at the stars?" "No, I'm face down in the gutter." "With my ass in the air." "New show, twisted drama set in an abattoir." "Slaughterhouse comedy." "New play." "How did you end up coming here anyway?" "For the last year we've been developing the show and it's been touring." "You're planning your world tour." "Last night was alright." "The night before I had nine people in." " Soul destroying, isn't it?" " I just didn't need it." " Soul destroying." " I slit my wrists the next day." "I think if I want to push myself to be at the top of what I see as being top of my game, this isn't the top of my game." "It's the last day, anyway, I don't care." "I am over it!" "Let's get out of here." "♪ So you ask me" "♪ Are you happy with your life?" "So I'm sitting at the estuary of the River Medway, and just slightly to the north is the village where I grew up." "Being here actually it feels very, very comforting." "I feel like I could stay here forever." "It's quite peculiar." "You could literally just leave me here and I could become like one of these boats." "I feel like I should be more successful." "I feel like I've wasted a lot of time." "I think I've done myself a lot of damage." "And I have to deal with that and I have to take responsibility for that." "I could have been more successful but I made choices." "I spent a lot of time doing lots of ecstasy." "My memory's shot." "My memory's fucked up." "I can't remember shit." "I'm fairly happy." "I haven't fulfilled the potential that I think that I have." "And the ability that I have." "I really feel like I've got to pull my finger out." "Oh, my God." "I was diagnosed HIV positive" "I think seven or eight years ago." "I can't remember which." "Erm..." "Oh God, it was awful." "It was the single worst thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life." "And I've buried a parent." "So it was worse, a lot worse than that." "Erm..." "It was shock." "It was just complete and utter shock." "And I think you hear people use the word "devastated" a lot." "They don't know what they're talking about." "Yeah." "They don't know what they're talking about." ""I was devastated." "Oh my God." "I was devastated."" "You know." "No, you weren't." "When you have your whole..." "When it feels like your whole..." "Everything you've understood about yourself and your life has been removed from you, that's basically how I felt." "It was really shocking." "I joke about it as much as possible." "I think probably too much." "I think bit of gallows humour." "It disarms people, I think." "What percentage of people do I know are HIV?" "Of my close friends..." "God." "Probably 40 or 50 per cent." "And counting." "There's a good chance that you'll get it." "If you've been doing your job properly, you should get it." "Come on." "My father and my uncle are five minutes away." "One second, I need to pull my all-in-one fucking body shape up." "It's falling down." "Just what you wear to meet your dad when you've not seen him for years, when you've actually changed sex." "This is the outfit that you wear." "Oh!" "See you soon." "Bye." "Bye." "That's my uncle." "He called me Amber." "So not only have I got my dad to deal with," "I've got my uncle as well who again I have not seen for years." "I think he might be embarrassed to be with me in the street." "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God." "They're gonna knock in a second." "They're gonna knock on the door in a second." "Come on." "Hi!" "You OK?" "Come on." "Come on in." "Come on in." "Hi, you OK?" "No, not much, no." "How are you both?" "Are you alright?" " Very good." " Come on in." "Come on." " Have you been here before?" " Have I heck been here before." "You've not been here before." "It was Amber's father's idea to come down and... and stay." "And I think it was a little window of opportunity to break the ice myself." " So this is the kitchen?" " This is the bathroom, yeah." "My dad is so nervous." "I thought I was nervous, but he's more nervous than me." "Just came in and started talking about my boiler straightaway." " And what's this here?" " A toilet." "I'm making eye contact with him." "He looks..." "I'm really happy." "Really, really pleased that he's here." "Where does your television go?" "Well, it can go on there." "Be alright, won't it?" "Oh, aye, yeah." "It's going to be a shock, you know." "It was Dean, now it's Amber, and he's got to get used to it." "You can take a man out of Manchester but not Manchester out of the man." "£30?" "It was a tenner, that." "You bought it off a shoplifter." "What do you do, drink it with the alarm still on it?" "Shall I show that to the police?" "It's a joke." "Seriously, you want me to speak, proper?" " What I've got to say?" " Yeah." "That's it." "Alright." "Mirror, mirror, on the wall" "Will I always look this beautiful?" "♪ Grab your stilettos, love to do it" "♪ In the Dolphin, the murder mile" "♪ In the hot tub, at the shed" "♪ In the Dolphin, the murder mile" "♪ In the hot tub, at the shed" "♪ In the Dolphin, the murder mile" "Hello, darling." "How's it going in there?" "  45." " Shut up!" " 45, still alive." " Fuck you." "Fuck you." "Fuck yourself." "Give me some prosecco." "♪ In the Dolphin, the murder mile" "My body's falling apart." "Drag is giving me rickets." "We're here for John Sizzle's 45th birthday." "John Sizzle shouldn't give up drag because otherwise there would be nowhere for all that bitterness to go." "He'll say he's doing it for money." "I think he's enjoying it." "Sizzle has paved the way for us." "That's fucking cava." "So, John Sizzle, you're 45." " Ish." " Apparently." " Are you giving up drag?" " Fuck you all." " No!" " No!" " D'you know what..." " No!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Do I have a choice?" "No!" "Cheers." "To tights!" "To tights!" "Just about to perform my brand-new track for the birthday boy called Ten Star Hotel." "He's gonna get a fresh insight into my new body." "So there is no more keep the peace any more." "It is about to be World War Three." "They don't call it a transition for no reason." "♪ Yeah, you were cruising down the street" "♪ As I was working my heat" "♪ Strapped into my Herve, hair scraped back" "♪ Yeah, I was clipping it neat" "♪ It was just one of those days" "♪ Sending boys into total sex craze" "♪ That's when you pulled on up to me" "♪ And wound down your window to see" "♪ What all the other girls wanna be" "♪ That's a bitch with a back-door pussy" "♪ You cried, hello, there, pretty lady" "♪ Those legs are fine, yeah, really shapely" "♪ I wanna slide my tongue along" "♪ Pull back your thong and hit you strong" "♪ I said, excuse me, Mr Boy" "♪ What's there is warm and it'll bring you joy" "♪ Why don't you pull my thighs aside" "♪ Squeeze up your fist and try to make me cry" "♪ I only wear fake Chanel" "♪ Only do anal with Cristal" "♪ And when I'm in the mood for fucking you" "♪ Better get a ten-star hotel" "♪ And if you shoot, this bitch gonna yell" "♪ Take your gun, send you right back to hell" "♪ Hit your boys and tell 'em you're not so L" "♪ Call the paps and exclusive this and sell" "Happy birthday, John Sizzle." "Allegedly, I said I was giving up drag today." "By today." "And I haven't." "And here I am at 45 doing what I swore I wouldn't do." "I'm gonna do a gig, Saturday night, and earn some money." "But ultimately it is a young person's game." "I think Jonny Woo's also in a transitional moment in his life." "You need to be glamorous." "I don't mind the fact that I'm 45 and doing it so much because ultimately I'm a show-off." "45 and still alive." "And the gigs have actually freed me up to do what I wanna do." "Upholstery and all this sort of stuff." "Everyone else works their tits off." "Spending their whole life typing for their pensions." "And here I am expressing myself, basically." "Sexsational." "Relevant." "Challenging." "Mwah." "Fab." "Whoops." "I think I might be a transvestite." "So what I'm doing is... my ten years of drag show called Sorry I'm A Lady." "Rather than just do it in a cabaret space," "I thought this would be a more interesting place to do it because I can sit here and do my make-up before the show and be a kind of art installation." "Woo-ee!" "Hey!" "The idea being every time I put my make-up on it's kind of sculptural." "I'm sculpting right now." "I'm painting." "Trying to create a masterpiece." "There's something I've got" "Depression" "I was different" "An eccentric child." "Not pretty, sporty or popular." "I didn't know that" "Thought I was normal" "Singled out for being different" "I have depression and I've had depression for a long time." "We don't talk about it." "Everything's fabulous." "The world of drag, everyone's fabulous and no one's ill." "No one gets hurt or injured." "It's all fabulous." "It's like, well, no, we're human." "You do it because you love to show off." "The bullying got worse" "The depression got worse" "Until at the age of 15" "I... attempted... suicide" "I might be in therapy and on pills for the rest of my life." "I've accepted that." "It's shit." "I have my moments when I'm catatonic and I don't want to speak to anybody." "And they're horrible times and they're dark times." "I'm on the verge of suicide and it's awful." "However, there's this." "I'm actually quite suicidal most days." "I honestly don't think people would care." "People would go "Oh" for a week." "On Facebook. "Oh, she's dead." And that would be it." "There's not much to live for, really." "I try and make my life as colourful as possible while I'm still here." "Cos one day I will go." "Simple as that." "And that's that." "Cut." "♪ Vacuous and vicious, words you can't spell" "♪ Your vocabulary's limited to me" "♪ You're so ambitious" "♪ What do you do" "♪ Is it anything that matters in this world" "♪ Flying high" "♪ It must be all the air you're piercing" "♪ Driving by" "♪ The regal wave is all that's missing" "♪ So stop" "♪ Who made you" "♪ Whoa" "♪ The queen of fucking everything" "♪ Who made you" "♪ Whoa" "♪ The queen of fucking everything" "I guess a good place to start is where we left off last." "The last kind of time I met you" "I think I was a bit mental!" "And since then I got in contact with my family." "My mum's six months in AA and my dad's four months in AA." "And their life has completely changed." "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!" "Welcome to Burger Queen!" "Scottee's just working, isn't he?" "He's just doing more and more shows." "He works very hard." "He's being very prolific and has become a very competent, charming performer." "Yes, well, we have, of course, Lisa Stansfield." "Don't piss on my parade, bitch." "I've stopped partying and I've really focused on my work, I guess." "I feel like life is kind of finally settling down." "Yeah, I do." "It's good." "I can say that." "We are all the outsiders." "Everybody in this room is an outsider." "We are all fat and we all are quite fantastic." "Lisa Stansfield, you are fat." "And welcome to the fat club." "You know, growing up here, coming out was never an option." "You become the runt." "You become the runt of the litter." "Well, I was." "The reason why I do what I do and why I'm such a show-off and why I'm so determined to be seen and to be outlandish and outré is because I wasn't able to..." "I wasn't able to be that when I was growing up." "I was always the faggot." "If we look into the psychology, we're all, all of us, we're desperate for attention." "And we're desperate to articulate ourselves now that we know we can't be fucking bullied any more." "You know, I'm gonna get on stage and wear a sequin outfit." "Nobody's gonna call me fat and nobody's gonna call me queer." "If they do, they're gonna get chucked out and get a lot of hassle from me." "Because now I'm in control and I think that's what it's about." "It's about control." "A friend of mine has had it done. 175 for three areas." "She did mine and this bad frown line just didn't go, did it?" "I didn't like our Cher with Botox." "Like surprised looking." "She looks Chinesefied." "Can't she?" "Chinesefied." "My family are not strangers to a little bit of a nip and tuck." "I think there's a competition who's got the biggest tits at the moment!" "And I seem to be winning." "Have you seen my boobs?" "I'll show you how big there are." " God!" " They're gorgeous." " What size?" " 36F." "36F." "I want to go 34DD, what I used to be." "Are you two gonna have a joint boob job together?" " Do you get a discount?" " Yeah." "It's gonna be on the sale of the property." "That's what Cher's boob job is done." "When we've sold this." "She's getting hers done." "You know the person who did your surgery when I come to see you." "I wouldn't mind using..." " Him for your facelift?" " Yes." "This is only three months." "He did a fantastic job on you." "Yeah, you can see it." "I can see my mum in you a little bit there." "I'm up in Manchester for a while to be closer to my family." "It's going to be more easy for them and more easy for me if I've got more connection with them." "I've got friends of mine going through transitions and their families have disowned them." "Alright, I'll see you in about 45 minutes." "Don't be too long, Dean." "Er, Amber." "Alright." "My dad." "Just slipped up again." "This is the reason for kind of like being up here." "It takes time, you know." "All's I ever do is bloody put make-up on." "Right, go on." "What have you made?" "There's some chips an' that." "Asparagus, peas, chips, carrots, pork." "The dog and everything." " Her dog, Ruby." " That's her dog." "So how's everything been?" "Alright?" "Yeah, I've just got a new place in Manchester." "I want to be back near my family, you know." "Cos I'm having my operation soon, aren't I?" "In March." "Yep, biggest operation of my life." "Can't do anything." "Can't have sex for six months." " You can't what?" " Can't have sex for six months." "Right." "Don't be picking at that." "I want you to eat it proper." "Not like a bit here, a bit there." "It's massive." "I don't give a damn." "Get it ate." " Is this chicken or pork?" " Pork, that." "To me, you look the same, to me." "What, exactly the same person?" "Yes." "Always the same person." "Oh, well, that's nice." "Physically she looks very different from Dean, doesn't she?" "No, I don't think so." "No." "What do you mean?" "I look exactly the same as what I used to look like?" "A little bit better?" "I look completely different." "Yeah." "OK, fine, if that's how you perceive me." "Of course I've not disappeared." "I'm still the same person." "Of course you are." "Obviously I've moved on in life." "I've transcended and you know..." "Are you embarrassed?" "You'd stick up for me?" "That doesn't happen." "I hugged him today so that's a breakthrough." "He gave me a kiss on the cheek." "Dean, Amber, having the operation wouldn't make any difference to me whatsoever." "To me, she's a girl." "Obviously she's changed that way." "But to me, it's still my flesh and blood and that's all there is to it." "So it makes no difference, the operation, whatsoever." "It's immaterial." "It takes time but gets easier and easier, you know." "That's how it should go." "Erm..." "I bought a boat." "It was a kneejerk reaction to me thinking they were gonna blow the Olympics up." "  Who's they?" " The Archons." "Shape-shifting evil wrongdoers that are trying to enslave the human race." "They didn't blow the Olympics up which was very nice and pleasing." "But, you know, I don't know any more." "I'm just sounding more and more mad as time goes by." "But I don't really mind." "I stopped taking my hormones even though they were making me very happy." "I didn't feel happy being content, which sounds really stupid but the reason that everybody's sad at the moment is because half the planet are starving." "And me glossing over that with medication doesn't really seem to be the answer to my problems." "If I'm screaming from the rooftops to feed everybody, then maybe that's more helpful than me grinning away inanely being happy with tits." "Do you miss tits and things like that?" "Greatly." "I miss running around without my clothes on and dancing a lot." "I really miss dancing." "I miss that terribly." "You can still do that." "I don't feel like I can any more." "  Why's that?" " Because I'm too sad." "Erm..." "Give us a minute." "Is that because of the state of the world?" "Because of the state of me." "Erm..." "What I desperately want is for everything to be like it was five years ago." "Because I was a lot happier." "It was great fun." "You know?" "I need to make more of an effort with my life." "I can't talk about anybody in their life and what they do." "I'm no fucking angel." "I'm... ..lost." "It's only now in hindsight having made the decision to stop drinking, that I can now look back and see that the behaviour after a massive hospitalisation that risked my life and tore my family to pieces and kind of shocked all my friends" "was the behaviour of someone who was desperately in need of help for their drinking." "For me now the party's over." "Do I choose the booze and the drugs and death?" "And I'm not exaggerating." "Do I choose that or do I choose a career?" "Do I choose friends, do I choose relationships and do I choose a really great future?" "You've done the Winter Olympics." "The sledge." "Then you've got to go off." "You've got to get changed quickly." "We have sold 1,200 tickets." "They've opened parts of the theatre that normally would not be open for any other kind of event." "They've only opened them because we told them we have to make some bloody money." "We're not making a fucking penny." "I don't know how these shows work." " OK, that's it." " Whoo!" "Arms outstretched." "Keep straight." "And then turn on the spot." "I've got a feeling this is probably it." "It can't get bigger than this, can it?" "I feel stronger." "I feel much more capable of delivering the show that's coming up." "I haven't seen a lot of the other queens for a very long time." "I think it's sad, yeah." "I think it's sad." "So Mike Leigh's popping down at some point to see the show." "I've become a broadcaster." "BBC Radio 4, nonetheless." "I think the scene is a little fucked up at the moment." "Everyone has got this weird feeling that there's one golden ticket." "And like only one drag queen can make it." "But with that it kind of breeds this weird competitive vileness where everyone's fighting for the same limelight." "Yeah, my ideals are now all based around happiness." "Just want to be happy." "It's completely sold out." "It's a huge moment." "Moment in gay culture in east London." "Jackie, I'm your biggest fan." "I'm here to interview the poor people who they cannot come in because they didn't have money to buy a ticket before." "This is the Hackney Empire!" "How are we doing tonight?" "Are we there?" "Yeah!" "They're not gonna stop." "They're gonna be like Cher." "They'll keep going." "And they ain't done yet." "Good luck, everybody!" "This is the final night of Gay Bingo." "Ten years of Gay Bingo." "We are in the principal cast members' dressing room." "John Sizzle." "Ma Butcher." "The lovely Holestar." "I hear Chris Stein's gonna turn up apparently." "It's a scary gig tonight." "It's nerve-racking, isn't it?" "Gay Bingo, yeah." "Everyone's on this gig." "And the audience like that, don't they?" "They perceive us as individuals that, together, make a bigger whole." "How are we doing, east London?" "♪ Love will always be the end" "♪ Love will always be the end" "♪ Love will always be the end" "♪ Love will always be the end" "♪ I feel this, I feel this" "♪" "♪" "This is the Hackney Empire!" "I'm really enjoying it." "I can see my mum and my sister." "My mum's looking a bit bemused." "I think she's upset that we're not playing proper bingo." "London was ready for someone to go, this is what I'm going to do." "I'm going to put myself right out there at the front and say, come on, everyone, look at me." "OK, let's play bingo." "Let's go." "I've no idea where Amber is." "Wouldn't like to comment where Amber could be." "She's been louche, she's gone shopping with Pia." "She's gone to see a friend." "Oh, a special friend." "Right." " Amber's here?" "No!" " How are you?" "Didn't Mr Surgeon do well for Auntie Amber?" "I think so." "♪ Love will always be the end" "It's not about giving it up." "I can't just stop." "I need the money." "Who leaves their job and goes, "I am going to be this"?" "I know who." "Fucking Middleton bitch." "Is Pia not coming tonight?" "Unfortunately Pia's a bit of a mess these days," "God bless her." "Last time I saw Pia she didn't look the best she's looked." "But that's her life, she can do what she wants." "I try to..." "No, I'm not saying more on that." "It's not fair." "There's nothing you can do about it." "The show must go on." "Pia!" "Oh!" "Wahey!" "Community, it's a bit of a dry word, isn't it?" "Mates." "I prefer just saying mates." "Ladies and gentlemen, the gorgeous Pia!" "Still got three legs, honey." "Still got three legs but not for long." "I know the journey of how I got to where I am." "I know the route." "It's just I wear kind of slightly less clothing and higher heels than I thought I would have done." "Ten years in the East End!" "One more song!" "One more song!" "One more song!" "One more song!" "One more song!" "If we mortals have offended" "Say but this and all is mended" "That you have but slumbered here" "Whilst we drag queens did appear" "♪ I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ No matter how hard I try" "♪ There'll still be a sparkle where the sun don't shine" "♪ And I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ A leather case full of secrets" "♪ I leave no trace behind" "♪ But there are some things that won't go" "To all those gender dysfunctional children around the world..." " Gay, lesbian..." " Dress as a girl!" "♪ I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ No matter how hard I try" "♪ There'll still be a sparkle where the sun don't shine" "♪ And I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ No matter how hard I try" "♪ There'll still be a sparkle where the sun don't shine" "♪ And I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ Oh no, I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ No matter how hard I try" "♪ There'll still be a sparkle where the sun don't shine" "♪ And I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ Oh no, I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ No matter how hard I try" "♪ There'll still be a sparkle where the sun don't shine" "♪ And I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ No matter how hard I try" "♪ There'll still be a sparkle where the sun don't shine" "♪ And I can't get the glitter out of the groove" "♪ Can't seem to find those honey coloured floorboards" "♪ Any more" "♪ A leather chair says take me, please" "♪ By the door" "♪ Pictures of friends in boxes" "♪ All of those books that I'll never read" "♪ And a nail on the wall where I used to hang a dress" "♪ That you gave to me" "♪ Lying in the bed that my old poppa made for me" "♪ Gotta go" "♪ A poster screwed up in the trash" "♪ From a show" "♪ All of the films that I'll never see" "♪ A newspaper article said I was good" "♪ And if I could talk to my shoes" "♪ About the nights together" "♪ If I could talk to my shoes" "♪ If I could talk to my shoes" "♪ Words in lipstick smeared on the mirror" "♪ What they say they say" "♪ Don't think I'll shed a tear" "♪ If you go away" "♪ Fingerprints by the windowpane" "♪ Why are they there?" "♪ The dream of yesterday blowing" "♪ As if I really care" "♪ A leather case full of secrets" "♪ I'll leave no trace behind" "♪ But there are some things..."