"ahh, a lifetime of experimentation... capped in one small vial." "now to the final step-- the infusion of energy." "ah, the power of the universe-- mine !" "it must work." "a test-- i must test it !" "ha-ha-ha." ""quoth the raven, 'nevermore.'"" "ah, i've done it-- created the means to destroy matter." "they must all know, know that i, baron von frankenstein, master of the secret of creation, have now mastered the secret of destruction." "the invitations must be sent at once." "ha, oh what a fine party we'll have when they all arrive, eh, my boy ?" "* the full moon * * brings out the monster in you *" "* a strange tune * * seems to be playing for you *" "* could you be someone's invention * * so unreal as you feel tonight * * did you sell your soul to the devil * * at that monster party last night * * mad, mad, mad *" "* monster party * * did you sell your soul to mephistopheles * * tell me, baby, tell me * * tell me, please * * you made a date with the devil, not me * * if you know my fate, honey level with me *" "* the cold night * * brings out the creature in you *" "* a strange light * * seems to be falling on you *" "* i know it's not your intention * * to frighten me so tonight * * won't you tell me, baby what happened * * at that monster party last night * * mad, mad, mad *" "* monster party * * last night **" "flanken !" "felix !" "take it out of my pay, mr. kronkite." "pay ?" "what pay ?" "you have two more months to work for me for nothing before you're even as it is." "now, what are you doing in the pharmacy department in the first place ?" "need i remind you that this is a drugstore ?" "there are people waiting at the lunch counter." "someone is browsing through the paperback books." "we've got a whole rack full of those veeblefetzers to unload, and you're wasting your time in the pharmacy department !" "what am i not paying you for, felix ?" "i'm sorry, mr. kronkite." "what would you like me to do first ?" "first ?" "wait on the people !" "mailman !" "these are for you, mr. kronkite." "and here's one for you, felix." "has a real fancy stamp on it." "oh, let's see now." ""invited to--"" "oh, boy !" ""convention-- big gathering of notables."" "golly !" "wow !" "felix, stop your mumbling and tell us what the letter is all about." "i'm invited to an island in the caribbean, to take part in a scientific first, a new discovery." "you ?" "a mental last to a scientific first ?" "i've seen postcards of them caribbean islands." "lots of sun, white beaches, palm trees, swimming pools in them big fancy hotels, really ?" "golf courses, tennis courts, pretty girls, night clubs." "really ?" "mr. kronkite, the convention is on the 13th." "can i have this week off to get there and back ?" "aha !" "i was wondering when you'd ask that." "you're not due for a vacation yet." "but i haven't had one in three years." "please, mr. kronkite." "if you leave, who'll make the coffee, wash the dishes, mind the store ?" "please, mr. kronkite." "pretty please ?" "huh ?" "a-- a" "that's what happens when i get excited." "enough !" "enough !" "go, go !" "take a week, a month, a year !" "but it's not your vacation, it's mine." "thanks, mr. kronkite." "i sure appreciate-- i'm sorry, mr. kronkite." "i'll make it up to you." "go, go, go !" "get out before you wreck the whole store !" "do you think felix will get there by the 13th ?" "bird-watching again ?" "fang, do you forget ?" "the last time you had a roving eye, i kept it in a jar for a week !" "ah-ha-ha-ha !" "ha-ha-ha !" "don't give me any of your back mumble, you, you, you... monster !" "* oh, you're different * * i knew it wouldn't be the same, that you'd play a different game * * 'cause you're different ha-ha-ha, you're different * * i don't know whether to complain but you're driving me insane *" "* 'cause you're different you're different * * now let's agree you're not incredibly handsome or even charming * * but you can be so disarming * * i think it's simply alarming * * you're different as unpredictable as rain *" "* you're an easter candy cane * * yes, you're different ha-ha-ha, different * * like a snowy day in june * * like a new brazilian tune * * yeah, you're different yech *" "* you're different and you know that's what i like about you * * ha-ha-ha-ha * * now let's agree you're not incredibly handsome or even charming * * but you can be so disarming * * that i find it simply alarming *" "* you're different as unpredictable as rain * * you're an easter candy cane * * yes, you're different ha-ha-ha * * different like a snowy day in june * * like a new brazilian tune *" "* yeah, yeah you're different * * you're different * * and you know that's what i like about you ** ha-ha-ha-ha-ha !" "come in." "good morning, doctor." "i've brought you your mail." "thank you, my dear." "you know, seeing you every day gives me a great deal of pleasure." "if i must say so myself, you are a masterpiece." "why, dr. frankenstein." "we've received replies from almost all you invited:" "dracula, werewolf, dr. jekyll, the hunchback, creature." "but we haven't received a reply from... from... it." "well, i should hope that we don't." "you see, it wasn't invited." "oh ?" "it was a crushing bore at our last convention." "it kept walking around crushing boars, wild boars, in its hands." "very frankly, francesca, it disgusts even me." "i see." "doctor, we also received a very strange letter... from someone who says he's arriving on the 13th." "a felix... flanken." "he's coming ?" "oh, that is good news !" "what else does he write ?" ""looking forward to meeting all those fun people at your resort."" "resort ?" "fun people ?" "he doesn't mean dracula and the werewolf, surely !" "yes, yes, go on, go on." ""can hardly wait to dip into the pool in the front of your resort... and lie on your beautiful beach."" "doctor, does he know about the crocodiles in the lagoon... and the quicksand on the beach ?" "who, or what, is this flanken ?" "oh, don't be alarmed, my dear." "felix flanken is a mere human, and he's unaware of the nature of our little gathering." "but he also happens to be my nephew." "your nephew ?" "i thought you had no..." "living relatives." "felix is the child of my youngest sister." "she turned out to be the white sheep of the family." "oh, too bad." "she had a great flare for witchcraft." "but then she met this traveling medicine man, chuck flanken, in transylvania, and she eloped with him and went to the united states to live." "they're both gone now, but their son, felix, is my only relative and heir." "but why are you inviting him to this convention ?" "because, my dear, i'm-- i'm retiring." "yes. oh, don't look so unbelieving." "i've grown a little tired of this horror business, doing bad for others and very rarely getting any bad in return." "but now that i've mastered my greatest discovery, i'd like to retire while i'm on top." "i shall turn over all my secrets to felix, including my last great one, and then present him to the convention as my successor." "aaah !" "aaah !" "aaah !" "1:00. our other friends should be traveling on their way to the island about now." "i'll still have to see to their accommodations." "you tidy up in here." "oh, i do hope you like felix flanken when you meet him." "i want you two to be friends." "felix flanken-- like him ?" "i'll love him to pieces !" "did we pick up any passengers on this stop, captain ?" "not yet." "our only passenger is still that funny guy from london." "what's his name ?" "dr. jekyll." "dr. jekyll ?" "that's odd. he told me his name was mr. hyde." "what's the difference ?" "he paid his fare." "get this loaded aboard the ship." "how, captain ?" "the crew jumped ship." "what ?" "no crew ?" "i did shanghai a few lads last night, but they're still in the hold sleeping it off." "eh, what ?" "look at this." "what the tide brought in." "what's that, mate ?" "you want to sign aboard for passage to the isle of evil ?" "well, we just may have room for another hand on board, but we're not going to the isle of evil." "get this loaded aboard the ship." "blimey, he's as strong as 50 men." "and as ugly as any i've ever seen." "how do you do, gentlemen ?" "could you tell me the fare to the isle of evil ?" "another one ?" "we don't usually stop at the isle of-- that will be a hundred bucks." "and with your fancy cape and tuxedo and all, i'd think you could afford it." "considering the dilapidated condition of my wallet-- i mean, your ship, i think i had better fly." "me eyes are playing tricks on me." "did you see what i think i saw, captain ?" "if i saw what you think you saw, i'd say we were both going batty." "pardon me, gentlemen, but does this pickled herring stop at the isle of evil ?" "blimey, it's another one of them." "we'll stop, don't worry." "we-we'll do what you want." "no charge for you." "be my guest." "but please..." "none of your surprises." "golly. what's the matter with those two ?" "haven't they ever seen a tourist before ?" "the captain said i could have any cabin i wanted." "now, let me see." "a southern exposure would be nice." "oh, excuse me, sir." "sir ?" "uh, ma'am ?" "i'm terribly sorry, but i can't see a thing without my glasses." "let me help you with your fur piece." "madam, i'm terribly sorry." "i hope i didn't offend you." "don't go !" "i can't stand a woman crying." "i'll have to get an extra pair of glasses out of my luggage." "ohh !" "i'm sorry, but i lost my glasses and can't see a thing." "i've heard that one before." "go below, mate and invite our passengers to dine with me." "are you sure you wanna do that ?" "go on !" "how do you do ?" "aah, sorry, wrong cabin." "why did i ever decide to go to sea ?" "feet, if you've ever moved, move like you've never moved before." "jekyll's my name." "dr. jekyll." "felix flanken." "i'm a pharmacist." "i'm-i'm also allergic." "i have a little elixir that keeps me feeling in wonderful mettle." "um, to your good health." "dr. jekyll, are you all right ?" "my-my goodness, you look awful." "are you sure you're not seasick ?" "dr. jekyll, i think-- hyde, hyde, hyde." "hide ?" "you want me to hide ?" "well, if you wanna play games, you must be feeling better." "but you certainly don't look it." "okay, i'll hide and you see if you can find me." "12:00 midnight ?" "if dr. jekyll doesn't find me soon, i think i'll go to my cabin and to bed." "now, friends, you'll discover who was the original batman." "hmm, my, but it's getting chilly." "you have been given important assignments to carry out." "and i expect each one of you to do his job." "i want each of you... to stay calm and collected no matter what emergency arises." "i don't want to see anyone losing his head." "i take it yours wasn't hooked on." "all right, yetch, pick it up." "pick it up !" "don't know if you're coming or going, do you, yetch ?" "i'm so excited, doctor." "i haven't seen all of our old friends in years." "i got so nervous and excited and nervous and-- let's try not to go to pieces, yetch." "doctor, a group of the convention party has just arrived." "good." "thank you, francesca." "everyone to his post." "we must make certain that it does not get onto the island." "to your checkpoints !" "ah, francesca, you beautiful, adorable, loveable creature." "how much i've wanted to touch you." "take your hands away from me." "you... creep !" "she noticed me !" "for the first time, she noticed me." "she told me to creep, so i'll creep." "i hear her voice, so soft, so sweet." "when i'm awake or when i sleep, it makes me burn with passion's heat... to hear her say..." ""you creep."" "what's the matter with you zombies ?" "don't just stand there like union grave diggers." "dr. frankenstein wants you to patrol the island !" "stop behaving like a bunch of ghosts !" "get into your planes !" "contact !" "oh, one of these days i'll have to talk to dr. frankenstein... about getting new airplanes." "contact again." "yeow-w-w-w !" "quickly, into the air, zombie bird man !" "i wish dr. frankenstein hadn't grounded me." "someday i hope he'll let me fly again." "oh, well, we can't have everything." "i should be happy that i still have my sickness." "do you really think that it would dare come here uninvited ?" "i don't know." "it is capable of anything." "oh, you gorgeous... tantalizing creation !" "ready, baby ?" "well, how do i look ?" "what do you know about chic, you poor invention of a man, you ?" "here come the lovebirds." "speak kindly to them, francesca." "remember that we are all one happy family here." "oh, my dear, you look just..." "ghastly." "oh, doctor !" "oh, brother !" "you arrived just in time." "our guests will be here at any moment." "my dear baron, how nice to see you again." "my dear count, so glad you could come." "how is our monster and his charming companion ?" "madame, i must say you look the picture of decadence." "don't kiss !" "you always leave marks !" "my apologies." "and of course, francesca." "you know you have always been my type-- o-negative, isn't it ?" "ah, werewolf." "delighted you're here, were !" "wolfie, you old dog !" "this convention is going to be a howling success." "see, i told you !" "ouch !" "you need a manicure !" "look, here comes the invisible man !" "how can you tell ?" "ha-ha-ha." "invisible man, how do you do ?" "you are looking well, i think." "i am well, count." "and you ?" "aha, invisible man !" "h-h-how do you do ?" "i wonder how he got his invitation." "he has an unlisted tomb !" "ha-ha-ha !" "didn't i see him at the transylvania gardens in the main event ?" "the hunchback of notre dame ain't a boxer." "afraid it'll ruin his looks, huh ?" "ha-ha-ha !" "dr. jekyll." "good show, dr. frankenstein." "and where is mr. hyde ?" "good show, dr. frankenstein." "whatever he's drinking, i'll have it with ginger." "fang, don't you have any couth ?" "ha-ha-ha." "it's me..." "your don juan." "i "don juan" to look at you." "i love your eyes, i love your chin, i love the shape they put you in." "and when i get to feel your touch, i ache for you so very much." "this chopped liver smells fishy." "it's not the chopped liver, count." "it's the pickled salmon." "yech !" "* oh sola mia * * oh sola you-a * * i'm-a the world's best-a chef * * you bet-a you moola ** chef machiavelli, how are you, maestro ?" "hey, yetch, what-a you do-a in my kitchen ?" "you-a no good snake in-a the grass." "you-a dirty swine !" "you-a ugly rat !" "thank you for those kind words." "i hope i can live up to them." "this-a yetch-- he's a little bit of a nut." "keep-a your hands out-a my salad before i throw-a you out-a my kitchen." "what-a you doing in-a here anyway, eh ?" "dr. frankenstein asked me to check... on how the preparations for the feast were progressing, and what the menu would be." "* first-a we have-a the salad-a * * here have a taste-a *" "mmm, delicious." "what kind is it ?" "it's-a my own chef's salad-a." "the mafia machiavelli special." "i make-a it with poison ivy, toadstools and poison berries." "oh, it's-a good, no ?" "i got-a three kinds-a dressings that-a go with it." "arsenic, cyanide, and-a this one you'd get a big bang out-a, yetch." "what is it ?" "nitro glycerine !" "i make-a joke, you know ?" "* then we have the antipasto * black widows pickled in their own poison, smoked lizards and snakes and marinated mice." "try-a some." "it looks so good." "mmm, yum-yum." "how do you do it ?" "it's-a nothing." "* just a pinch-a this a pinch-a that * * a pinch of this a pinch of that * ouch !" "stop already with the pinching." "sorry about that, yetch." "and that's the soup." "octopus soup ala mafia." "octopus soup." "you mean real octopus soup ?" "what, you think i'm-a kidding ?" "help !" "help !" "let me down !" "see ?" "that's real octopus soup." "mmm, that soup is very strong." "hurry up-a and get-a you fingers back in-a the pot." "and for the main-a course, i make-a boars head, roast-a vulture, and a mince hyena casserole." "here, you gotta try the hyena casserole." "it's-a terrific, no ?" "no, there is something missing." "what ?" "something missing ?" "the casserole of-a me, mafia machiavelli, the greatest chef ever-- something missing ?" "mafia, calm yourself." "chef, please simmer down." "i bust-a you head." "i broke-a you nose." "i squeeze out your eyes." "get out of my kitchen !" "i think i better tell dr. frankenstein that dinner is ready." "as your leader, i have called you from the four corners of the earth... to witness my greatest and latest discovery." "i have the secret to the formula... which can completely destroy all matter." "a few drops from this vial... can dematerialize anything, anybody, any place !" "i'd give my eye teeth... to possess that secret." "what about you, wolfie ?" "i can make the doctor's secrets mine... before he bestows them on that... felix flanken." "and i can use dracula to help me." "baby, francesca is up to something with that dracula." "they both bear watching." "besides, it's her own fault for thinking so loud." "i also wish to tell you that i am resigning as your leader." "yes, and tomorrow night... i shall name my successor... and turn over all my secrets, including my latest, to him." "who is more evil, treacherous or sneaky than me ?" "i am his logical successor." "now if there was only something i could do to be sure of that." "who could be closer to dr. frankenstein than me and fang ?" "why, he created us !" "francesca !" "i'll see to it that she's not his successor." "the night is still young." "enjoy yourselves." "have a frightful time, and i shall see you all tomorrow." "well, i leave you now in the capable hands... of little tibia and the fibulas." "* it's the mummy * * it's the mummy * they're playing your song, honey. let's dance." "ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." "* it's the mummy * * it's the mummy *" "* it's the mummy * * it's the mummy *" "* turns till he's wound up tight * * turns till he's loose that's right * * mad mummy dance he's in a trance * * all wrapped up in himself tonight *" "* it's the mummy * * it's the mummy *" "* it's the mummy * * it's the mummy *" "* turns till he's wound up tight * * turns till he's loose that's right * * mad mummy dance he's in a trance * * all wrapped up in himself tonight **" "count, psst." "i must talk to you alone... out on the balcony." "excuse me, wolfie, but i think romance is calling." "ah, yes, my dear." "now that we are alone, what will it be ?" "a quick nip on the ear ?" "a playful bite on the neck ?" "count, i'm afraid you've been drinking." "not nearly enough." "not what i like to drink best of all." "come, let me kiss you." "women have died for one of my kisses." "i'm terrific !" "stop this foolishness." "you're as bad as that zombie, yetch." "besides, i'm not interested in that sort of thing." "i want to talk to you about dr. frankenstein's secrets." "ah, yes ?" "i know who will be the doctor's successor." "and why are you telling me all about this ?" "because you're not the one." "i'm crushed !" "neither am i." "don't tell me it's that flea-bitten werewolf." "no." "not old gauze face, the mummy ?" "no." "hmph, it's that overgrown goon, the monster." "no, it's no one you know." "then who ?" "first we make a deal." "if you will... get rid of this would-be successor, then as his rightful heir, i will be given the doctor's secrets and i shall share them with you." "why of course." "a half a loaf is better than two in the bushes." "or something like that." "then i shall get rid of you and have all the secrets to myself." "then it's a bargain ?" "a bargain." "* it's our time to shine, yeah * * our turn in line * * everybody gets one chance in life * * one chance in life * * to make their dreams come true * * i can do it with you *" "* it's our time yes, our time to shine * * our time to shine * * it's our time to shine, yes * * a bit of wine * * we have drunk you long enough, my friend * * enough my friend *" "* and now it's time to prove * * we can make the right move * * it's our time * * yes, our time to shine * * our time to shine * * you and me what a pair we'll make *" "* today the world is ours to take * * nothing can stop us now * * we're gonna win and how because * * it's our time to shine yes * * our turn in line * * spin the wheel our number must come up *" "* it must come up * * we're covered every way listen, world, when we say * * it's our time * * it's our time to shine * take it !" "* because it's our time to shine, yes * * our turn in line * * spin that wheel our number must come up * * it must come up * * we're covered every way * * listen, world when we say *" "* oh, it's our time * * it's our time * * it's our time to shine **" "now, tell me, who is this successor ?" "the doctor's nephew, felix flanken." "this flinken, flunky, whatever he calls himself, what kind of a monster is he ?" "a ghoul ?" "a demon ?" "a spook or-- a human." "they're the worst kind !" "he must be done away with." "the monster's mate !" "she must've been hiding behind the drapes while we were out on the balcony." "then she heard everything !" "easy now, darlings." "what are you going to do ?" "i didn't hear anything." "do not be afraid." "one quick bite, and it shall all be-- aaah !" "just watch where you grab." "remember, i'm a count." "aha !" "don't cut out now just when the tables have turned." "who said the tables have turned ?" "stop acting so impetuously." "you're wrinkling my cape." "this is a rented tuxedo !" "well, there is only one thing to do when you're in such a predicament. help !" "help !" "well, well..." "as a monster you're nothing !" "but as a fruit salad" "you look a little uncomfortable out of water." "hope this makes you feel more at home." "yech !" "no wonder you're invisible !" "you're ugly and revolting and disgusting and-- when i get hold of that two-legged herring, i'll make him into chopped herring !" "what a fright." "best monster rally i ever attended." "oh, lost your head ?" "here, wait till you see what you're missing." "aaah !" "you scared me." "you dog, you !" "come back with my bone !" "punch, anyone ?" "i say, it's raining." "it's the creature's doing." "i'll fix that." "what ?" "where ?" "what was that ?" "hmm, a full moon." "the poor dog, he can't help it." "i'll never sleep tonight." "that ought to do the trick." "good-bye !" "good-bye, captain." "thanks for everything." "i wonder why the captain wouldn't dock his ship." "he seemed nervous and acted funny most of the trip." "and those sailors-- boy, are they lazy." "imagine not wanting to row to the island." "everyone must have had himself quite a time last night." " there was nothing but a huge pile of leftovers." " i wonder who it was." "this will be the best convention we've ever had." "without it to spoil the fun, with my nephew present, this will truly be a momentous event." "ah, there's my nephew in that row boat." "felix !" "felix, my boy !" "wave, francesca, wave !" "make him feel welcome." "uncle boris !" "well, here i am." "felix !" "so good to see you." "let me help you ground the boat." "please, uncle, let me do it myself." "give me your hand, felix." "i don't know how i tripped, but-- oops !" "i think you two should greet each other on dry land." "thank you, francesca." "felix, francesca, my secretary." "hello, and thanks for the help in the water." "i don't know what happened." "i just slipped and-- let's get into some dry clothes, felix." "then we'll have a chance to chat and get acquainted." "my motor launch is in the cove under those rocks." "it'll take us right into my castle." "felix, yetch will take your bags and see you to your room." "change into some dry clothes... and then francesca will show you around the island." "we'll have plenty of time to talk later." "that's fine with me, uncle boris." "i'm anxious to learn of this scientific first you wrote about." "did anyone see you come here ?" "not at all." "and we do not have to worry about the monster or his mate for a while." "she's still recuperating from last night's celebration." "may i say that your left hook is sensational ?" "pow, pow." "forget last night." "flanken is here." "and i don't think we'll have too much trouble... eliminating him as the doctor's successor." "i'm taking him on a picnic tour this afternoon." "now, this is the way we'll be going." "there are three good places for an ambush." "the first one is about" "it's nice of you to show me around like this, francesca." "the grounds are lovely." "such unusual flora and fauna." "yes, i know what you mean." "you like it and it likes you." "hey, boy !" "hey !" "ho, there, boy !" "oh, nice fella." "all right, go fetch, boy !" "there's a good boy." "that's not a "good boy." that was a werewolf !" "weren't you frightened ?" "frightened ?" "no !" "i've got a way with pets." "yes." "oh, dear, this poor sick fellow seems to be in trouble." "his bandages are falling off." "maybe i can help." "i was top man in first aid in my boy scout troop." "there you are." "remind me never to sprain my ankle when you're around." "call me if you want the dressing changed." "insects !" "it's a good thing i came prepared with my insect repellant." "yech !" "why don't we stop right here and have our picnic under this tree ?" "that's fine with me." "what kind of sandwich would you like ?" "have you got a watercress on wheat ?" "or better still, a parsley on pumpernickel is very healthy." "right, uh, why don't you look in the basket and see what you like ?" "what's this ?" "cheese !" "oh, but with mayo." "i don't like mayo." "but what's this ?" "cheese without mayo !" "oh, but it's on wheat toast." "what's this ?" "no." "or this-- oh, maybe this." "now, ordinarily, i like cheese on wheat like this, but i like it wrapped in waxed paper." "i must have my food absolutely sanitary." "i'm not really hungry." "why don't we just lie here ?" "permit me to introduce myself." "i am count dracula." "right this way, felix." "you certainly have an interesting castle, uncle boris." "what's this ?" "and those ?" "oh, a youthful folly." "wilbur and orville spent a holiday here with me." "wilbur and orville wright ?" "wilbur and orville von frankenstein." "your uncles, felix." "oh, i didn't know." "well, do you fly them, uncle ?" "oh, not for years now." "ah, but we did have gay times frightening the cruise ships passing the island." "but come this way." "this is the laboratory where i've spent most of my life... and made most of my discoveries." "those experiments brought me a great deal of joy." "being a man of science, you understand." "oh, of course." "well, you see, uncle, i'm a pharmacist." "ah, then you must have conducted experiments of your own." "oh, yes." "my fudge quadruple-multiflavored-decker a la mode was a wild experiment." "mr. kronkite turned green after he ate it." "yes, of course." "well. hmm." "well, after i retire, you'll have all the time to experiment that you want." "after you retire ?" "yes, my boy." "i'm turning over to you my secrets and discoveries-- the entire business !" "oh, but uncle, i already have a job, and i don't know anything about your business." "oh, don't worry, felix." "my younger sister was your mother." "frankenstein blood flows through your veins." "you'll do just fine." "well, i don't know, uncle." "just what is your business ?" "i am the head of the worldwide organization of monsters." "m-m-m-monsters ?" "i thought you said "monsters."" "yes, monsters. you know, witches, warlocks, demons, ghouls, zombies, creatures, vampires." "monsters." "uncle, i may have the blood for the job, but i sure don't have the stomach for it." "i know, my boy, but consider this." "* you gotta stay one step ahead * * stay one step ahead * * tune in to what's happening, boy and stay one step ahead * * when they tell you read page one * * read three more and you'll find *" "* that the very next day when you are done the group is way behind * * you gotta stay one step ahead * * stay one step ahead * * tune in to what's happening, boy and stay one step ahead *" "* why not keep it to yourself * * stay away from the pack * * when you're ready to fly they'll start to cry and wish they had the knack * * you gotta stay one step ahead *" "* stay one step ahead * * tune in to what's happening, boy and stay one step ahead *" "* you gotta get up from that bed * * and start a little ahead * * or some other bright guy will steal the pie * * come on, boy use your head * * you gotta stay one step ahead *" "* stay one step ahead * * tune in to what's happening, boy and stay one step ahead * * keep your head out of the sand * * pick the apple that's ripe * * or the very next day it's going to fall *" "* in someone else's hand * * you gotta stay one step ahead * * stay one step ahead * * tune in to what's happening, boy, and stay one step ahead * * you gotta stay one step ahead *" "* stay one step ahead * * tune in to what's happening, boy and stay one step * * ahead **" "ah, yes." "i was young once myself." "i know there are more glamorous occupations in the world." "but remember, this is a family business." "there's a tradition to uphold." "you may not like it at first, but after you've worked at it a while, i'm sure you'll grow to love it as i have." "really, uncle ?" "i don't want to seem ungrateful, but i would like to think it over." "of course." "i understand." "i just want you to remember that, as head of the monsters, you have tremendous power, and with my secrets, you will be able to do things you never dreamed possible." "i'll remember." "is there any place on the island where i can fish ?" "i do my best thinking when i'm fishing." "surely !" "the moat around the castle has plenty of fish." "think over what i've offered you, my boy." "think it over carefully." "i'm sure you'll reach the right decision." "me-- head of all the monsters in the world ?" "three chances-- three !" "you had three chances to get flanken, and you blew 'em all." " the great count dracula." " i'll get him !" "and before this day is over." "don't worry." "i am worried." "if you can't carry out your end of the bargain, why should i keep mine ?" " i'm sure that someone else is-- - forget that." "i told you i would get him !" "and what makes you so sure... that you will get the doctor's secrets ?" "come in !" "francesca !" "what's she doing here ?" " we had an appointment." " a double-cross !" "what did you expect-- the red cross ?" "ah-ha-ha !" "why should we share the secrets with you ?" "if you're not around, the monster will get them, and we'll make much better partners for dracula." "better partners ?" "not around ?" "we can't let her go, babies." "she'll go straight to dr. frankenstein !" "you can't outsmart me." "you'll never get-- how did that happen ?" "she escaped !" "what are we going to do now ?" "we must stop her before she tells the baron, or he'll turn us into erector sets !" "thought they could get rid of me, did they ?" "they didn't know about the secret passage." "i'll show them." "i'll show the baron too." "they all betrayed me, but now i shall have my revenge." "huh !" "up, my pets." "i need one of you to fly on a very special mission for me." "fly, my lovely." "go swiftly, and take my message." "they'll all soon see that i'm not to be taken lightly." "gosh. felix flanken, chairman of the board of monsters, incorporated." "i can't do it." "i just can't do it." "i could never face that board of directors." "i'll have to tell uncle boris-- well, i'll tell him that my allergies prevent me from undertaking-- i mean, accepting-- the position." "oh, but he won't like it." "maybe i can talk him out of retiring." "honey, i think you're making a big mistake, running out like this." "well, until you get a better idea." "right now i think i'll take a coffin break." "if we stay together, we can still stop francesca." "that's it !" "why don't we go down the trapdoor ?" "maybe she's still at the other end." "that's not a bad idea, if i knew what was at the other end of that trapdoor." "you'll find out in a minute." "fang, see to it that the count enjoys his trip." "ah-ha-ha-ha-ha !" "now, just a second, i-- remember... i'm a cou" "if i could only find the doctor's formula for destroying matter, i can rule all the others." " what-- - we meet again, francesca." "i thought it rather rude of you to leave us without saying good-bye." " don't any of you come near me." " stop behaving like the statue of liberty !" "put that torch down." "yes, we can still make a deal." "make a deal with you ?" "not as long as i've got wolfsbane for you, vampire, and a torch for you, monster." "or is it a torch for a vampire and wolfsbane for a monster ?" "or wolfsbane for a werewolf... and a torch for a vampire ?" "no, it's a stake through the heart for a vampire and a silver bullet for a monster-- i'll take the torch." "you get the wolfsbane." "i told you you'd never get me." "but all of you will soon be getting yours." "can't you do anything right, you butterfingers ?" "you let her get away !" "that smarts !" "i wouldn't worry too much about her." "the crocodiles in the lagoon should finish our job." "ah-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha !" "you-- felix." "f-f-francesca !" "flanken has just rescued francesca from the moat !" "they look like they're gonna do the ballet from "swamp lake."" "ah-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ah !" "i knew i should have finished packing my coffin." "don't panic again, babies." "let's call all the monsters together... and have them help us get francesca... and this, uh-- this flanken !" "everything was fine until you came to this island." "now you've ruined everything, and i hate you, i hate you, i hate you !" "francesca, i'm sorry." "i didn't know." "f-f-francesca. francesca." "oh, it's shock." "you're hysterical !" "calm down." "i hate to do this." "ooh !" "i'm sorry about that." " oh, felix." " you're not mad ?" "oh, felix." "i think you're still hysterical !" "oh, felix, you're wonderful." "i've been such a fool." "francesca, does your head feel lighter than air ?" "yes." "does your throat feel parched, and do you sort of tingle all over ?" "oh, yes. yes, felix." "then you must have... allergies too." "here, try some of my pills." "oh, felix, darling." "* there never was a love like mine for you * * never was a love like mine * * all the other girls you may have met * * never gave you love you're gonna get * * there never was a torch that burned so blue *" "* never was a love like mine * * for you *" "* there never was a love like mine for you * * never was a love like mine * * all the love you may have read about * * honey, you can just forget about * * there never was a screen romance for two *" "* never was a love like mine * * for you *" "* tell me a thousand times each day * * you've never been loved this way * * swear to me you'll never roam, dear * * promise me you'll stay at home, dear *" "* there never was a love like mine for you * * never was a love like mine * * little cupids with their bows and such * * never shot an arrow that meant much * * to any little love for any two *" "* never was a love like mine * * for you *" "* never was a love * * like mine * * for you *" "* baby, for you * * yeah **" "felix, darling, we've got to get off this island in a hurry." "why ?" "what's the matter ?" "dracula and the monster are out to get you and me because your uncle wants you to succeed him." "well, i've thought about that, and i just can't do it, whether my uncle likes it or not." "i'll just tell them that." "they won't listen to you or your uncle now." "they've already gone too far." "besides, something much more horrible and deadly will be threatening this island soon." "what ?" "never mind." "we've got to leave here now." "without even saying good-bye to anyone ?" "felix, i've a boat hidden at the other end of the island to help us escape." "you must come now." "oh, what have i done ?" "and so i say, brother monsters, unless we can stop felix flanken... from succeeding the baron, then our organization is doomed !" "yes, yetch." "point of information." "why don't we just go to baron von frankenstein... and tell him how we feel ?" "out of order !" "now, are we going to let this outsider-- this human-- push us around ?" "or are we going to look out for our own good... and do something about it ?" "i say we go get flanken and francesca !" "all in favor of that motion, say "growl,"" ""ugh," "yeah" or whatever." "all opposed, say-- the motion is passed unanimously." "wait a minute, count !" "point of order !" "point of information !" "point of importance !" "speak up and stop pointing." "i cannot allow us to do this to baron von frankenstein." "we must remain loyal to him." "he was always around when we needed him." "now, when he needs us-- he was around when you needed him ?" "when you needed a girlfriend, and he just made one, did he give it to you ?" "well, no, but-- and what about francesca ?" "he could have given her to you, but did he ?" "no, he kept her for himself-- himself, yetch-- when we all knew she should have been yours." "you deserved her, yetch, but she is his-- his, not yours." "i-- i want to take my back." "all right, babies, it's "umaninumous."" ""unie-mouse." "unie-noonie." "umie-nanny."" "it's a hundred percent." "let's go." "they went into the jungle." "follow me." "let's stop for a minute." "i have to catch my breath." "i'm pretty tired myself, but i don't think anyone is following us yet." "they'll be catching up with us soon enough." "oh, if mr. kronkite could see me now, i wonder what he'd say." "felix !" "help me !" "maybe it likes pills." "now to get you loose." "hurry, it's getting tighter !" "oh, i'm free." "felix, you saved my life again." "oh, don't thank me." "thank my pills." "don't thank my pills." "thank me." "we better start moving again." "time is running against us." "how much further... do we have to go before we get out of this jungle ?" "maybe another hour or so." "it's the werewolf." "they've picked up our trail." "we can't rest here any longer." "i can't take another step." "i must rest." "i wasn't made for this kind of activity." "go on without me, felix." "just leave me something to read." "there's a boat with provisions in it hidden near the edge of the beach." "i'm not leaving you." "i'll carry you out of the jungle." "say, you're heavier than i thought." "i wanted you to know i'm no easy pickup." "maybe i could make a sling out of some vines." "that way i'll be able to move you." "groovy, but hurry, will ya ?" "don't go away now." "put her down, you dirty dog !" "say, biting's not fair." "put up your fists, and fight like a man." "attack !" "kill !" "maim !" "decapitate !" "get away, felix !" "run to the boat !" "save yourself !" "coward !" "running away just as i was about to thrash you within an inch of your life !" "how do you do ?" "hiya, fellas." "nice day, isn't it ?" "you are now our prisoner." "bless you." "thank you." "it's an allergy." " you have it !" " have what ?" "the baron's secret formula that can destroy matter !" "i do ?" "oh, i do !" "i do !" "do not point that vial at me !" "oh, so you recognize this vile, vile vial, huh ?" "well, good." "then you know what will happen if i drop it." "take me to francesca." "move !" "or i'll let you have it !" "aha !" "frozen with fear, are you ?" "you didn't realize that rapier-keen, silken-smooth felix flanken... could be so rough and tough and hard and strong... and manly and virile and" "and weak... timid... and petrified and-- hi-ho, there !" "may i get you a banana ?" "oh, monsters, beasts-- francesca-- francesca !" "must save francesca !" "you were a fool to have ignored me... and to have gone with that flanken !" "now, at long last, you are mine, francesca !" "yetch, you wretch, don't touch me !" "touch you ?" "at long last, i am going to kiss you !" "oy vey !" "that francesca's something !" "she can fly me to the moon with her kisses !" "must... get to francesca." "must... save her !" "help !" "ohh !" "oh !" "oh !" "too late !" "too late." "i've failed." "what can i do ?" "there's nothing i can do." "i can't live without her." "i'll kill myself !" "no, felix, wait, wait !" "don't kill yourself." "who's gonna kill myself ?" "i only said that because i didn't think anyone could hear me." "but what will we do, uncle ?" "i'll save francesca." "you go back and wait for her in the boat." "i have a plan." "but-- there's nothing you can do." "trust me. go !" "can i ask you one thing ?" "yes, nephew ?" "you know a shortcut ?" "i'm tired of hacking and chopping." "yech !" "what are we gonna do ?" "pray he doesn't start beating his chest." "you-- why don't you do something ?" "you're going to do something ?" "what ?" "what ?" "what-what-what ?" "you're crying ?" "that's not enough." "oh, thank badness." "felix is escaping." "one thing is for sure:" "if i ever get out of this mess alive, i'll never hack and chop in a jungle again !" "all right. all right, you." "put her down !" "it's me you want." "come on, francesca !" "come on !" "where are you ?" "francesca !" "you called ?" "quick, felix." "start the engine." "we've got to get away from here." "b-but my uncle-- what of him ?" "it's too late." "no one can help him now." "quickly, darling, my beloved, my sweet, bug out !" "yes, all right." "and now you, you overgrown chimpanzee." "you've caused me anguish for the very last time." "and all of you, with your jealousies and your hates." "you wanted my vial." "you'd kill my nephew for it." "well, now you shall see that baron von frankenstein... is not one to cross." "true, you won't see it for too long a time." "but for one second-- oh, boy !" "i know it's wrong, but i have this tremendous urge to sing "auld lang syne."" "did you close the windows in your room ?" "well, it's all over, my darling." "we're going home now." "my place isn't much-- two small rooms, a furnished medicine cabinet." "but we'll be married." "and soon there'll be the sound of tiny flankens running around." "oh, felix !" "wh-wh-what is it ?" "what have i said ?" "we'll get a bigger place." "i'll give up sneezing." "what is it ?" "oh, felix, i can never marry you." "you can't ?" "you don't love me ?" "yes, i do." "i do love you, and that's why i won't marry you." "well, francesca, i've got to tell you something." "i can't keep on dating you in jungles." "no, felix. there's something i must tell you." "haven't you wondered why i was on that island ?" "you see, i'm not a human being like you are." "i was created by frankenstein after the monster and his mate." "i was his masterpiece." "but where other women have a heart, i have a spring that will unwind." "where other women have lungs, i've got a pump that runs on batteries which will run out." "where other women have elbows and knees, i have metallic joints that will one day grow rusty and stiffen." "i'm just a machine with hundreds of parts that will eventually wear out." "well, francesca-- well, francesca, none of us are perfect-- are perfect-- are perfect-- are perfect"