"Previously on Hap and Leonard... ♪" "♪" "♪" "♪" "♪" "♪" "♪" "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7," "8, 9, 10, 11..." "You're supposed to count to 100, Jezebel." "I know!" "Start all over, all the way to 100." " I will!" " No peeking!" "1 2, 3, 4 5, 6, 7, 8," "9, 10," " 11, 12..." " Daisy." "Daisy!" "Daisy, get the children!" " 13, 14..." " Let's go." "Come on, hurry up, now." " Go!" " Come on." "Hurry, children, let's go." " ...26, 27..." " Come on, babies." "Come on." "...28, 29... 30, 31, 32..." "Come on, children." "Let's go." "Let's go." "Come on." "Come on." "Where's Jezzy?" "Where's Jezzy?" "...98, 99, 100!" "1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7..." "She ain't for you is all I'm sayin'." "Woman looks at me like I'm James Garner." "She black." "Yeah." "Black and beautiful." "And you ain't." "Never stopped me and you." "Me and you ain't you and her." "Somethin' ain't right." "You didn't think Krazzee Judy was right for me, either, as I recall." "Oh, please." "I told you she is crazy." "No, you told me her name is crazy." "You didn't tell me she was a contortionist." "Name one contortionist that ain't crazy." "How many contortionists you know?" "One, and she's crazy." "She used to do this thing with... with her legs where..." "Damn." "Len." "There goes your alibi." "Who in the hell wanna kill a old man?" "Maybe it was an accident." "You drive into the pond by accident, you get out." "Well, maybe he had a heart attack." "Maybe the seat belt broke." "Maybe it wasn't an accident." "I don't know." "Either way, the end result gon' be the same... my black ass goin' to jail." "Yeah, come on." "Help me get him outta here." "Oh, hell no." "I ain't touching no dead." "That's bad mojo." "Man, I thought you didn't believe in that shit." "I don't." "He did." "I tell you what's worse mojo is leaving him here and not calling the cops." " Really?" " Yeah, really." "Hmm." "Sheriff Valentine?" "This is Leonard Pine and Hap Collins." "We want to report another dead body." "Mm-hmm, we the last ones see him alive." "No, sir, we ain't got no alibi." "Just two Samaritans don't know whether to check they ass or scratch they watch." "Have a nice day." "That was good." "You make that up?" "I watch a lot of TV." "Come on, I got an idea." " Push!" " Goddamn it!" "My sciatica acting up!" "Come on, push!" "Keep going." "Keep going." "Go." "Go." "Wanna say a few words?" "Nah, I'm good." "Aah!" "Ow!" "Ah!" "Somethin' down here." "Hey." "Ow." "The hell is this?" "Give me a hand here." " Yeah, take..." " Hold on, hold on." " Wait, wait." "You got it?" " Yeah." "Okay." "I got it." "Pull it up now." "That's it." "I don't remember a damn thing in Chester's lunchbox about no gate." "At least now we know what happened to the hands." "I'll ask Florida to take another look." "She made copies of everything'." "Why?" "Why'd she make copies?" "Or why should I ask her to take another look?" " Either/or." " Well, she's our lawyer." "She's my lawyer, Hap." " Hey, hey, hey." " What?" "Illium's dead, and this gate is the only thing standing' between me and jail." "I don't need your lil' pecker gettin' in the way of that." "Howdy." "Dare I hope this is a social call, Miss Grange?" "I'd like you to recuse yourself from the Leonard Pine case." "Now why on earth would I do that?" "Because you are not an impartial judicial authority on the case." "What say now?" "40 years is a long time." "Most people don't remember what they were doin' 40 years ago." "Hell, most people don't remember what they were doin' 40 minutes ago." "But I guess... if your daddy was run over by some drunk-ass teenager," "40 years might feel like 40 minutes." "And you're implying that I can't preside over this case without bias." "Yes, sir, I am." "With respect." "Let me be honest, Miss Grange." "I don't think about that night very much." "You need to recuse." "Judge." "You need to remember who I am." "Counselor." "Can I get ya somethin', Miss Grange?" "She was just leavin'." "Thank you, Miriam." "In fact, I am just leavin'." "You believe in reincarnation, Judge?" "Why?" "'Cause next life, I'm comin' back as her." "If you gon' be out there in them streets actin' grown, you best know how to feed yourself." "Your grandma teach you how to cook?" "Nah." "My Uncle Chester did that." "He was the best cook on the block next to MeMaw." "He couldn't touch her pies." "But then again, she couldn't mess with his ribs, either." " Put that on the table for me." " Okay." "Hey, hey!" "Unh-unh-unh-unh, that's mine!" "Look, the rule is that you don't cook, you don't eat in this house." "Final." "Go on!" "And after you make your breakfast, you're gon' tell me what's in this little box o' yours." "We have a warrant to search the premises." "Can't nothin' them cops do that Florida can't undo." "You might as well sit still till she come here." "I tell you, MeMaw." "It was easier for me being black in Vietnam than it is in my own damn country." "Now why you think Chester paid for that girl to go to school?" "So she could learn to fight the white man like a white man, in they courts." "Old Chester paid for Florida's law school after he kicked me out, huh?" "I'll be damned." "Now, honey, if you gon' blame a dead man for the way things turned out, you might as well turn in." "You and Leonard need to go talk to Illium." "I know I told you yesterday that he'd do the right thing." "But now?" "I'm..." "I-I'm not so sure." "I think we're gonna have to come up with something else." " We don't have anything else." " Well, we'll find something." " You and Leonard?" " Yeah." "Ugh." "Don't do anything stupid." "Oh, now, that hurt." "That... that... that... ugh." "Anything." "You hear me?" "Nothin'." "Yes, ma'am." "Dirty old man." "Evening, all." " Thanks." " Apples from Florida's tree." "Oh, my, my." "Oh, put them gorgeous things in the kitchen." "I'm-a make us a apple pie." "I'm taking you for lunch in Cooperstown." "What's in Cooperstown?" "Answers, I hope." "Calm down, Miss Grange." "We got a search warrant." "An anonymous tip, I suppose." "Best kind." "What is Sneed doing here?" "Doing his job." "He assaulted my client while in custody." "I suppose he was just doing his job then, too?" "Miss Grange, I'm sure you got some other work you could be doin'." "I think we can finish up things around here." "Illium Moon was Chester's associate, not Leonard." "I can prove it." "So, why haven't you?" "Because Illium is afraid to talk to you." "I wonder why." "Counselor, we're not all like him." "Lord, I wish that were true." "Let me finish what I'm doing here, then you can show me what you got." "Bobby Babbit." "Charles Brooks." "Bunt Jackson." "Brantley Jermaine House." "The only four whose first or last names start with "B."" "And they all lived in Cooperstown." " Cooperstown?" " Mm." "Thought maybe we could start by talking to their mothers, look for fences missing a gate." "That's your bright idea, huh?" "Just drive around town, lookin' for a gate that ain't there no more." "Might as well just put that damn noose around my neck myself." " What the..." " Goddamn!" "The hell you doing in my truck, you little piece of shit?" "!" "I was cleanin' it, and then I fell asleep." "Cleanin' my truck?" "With what, that nappy head o' yours?" " Hey, Leonard..." " Hap, this... this... this spook ain't got no business in our business." "I know where that gate came from." "Wait a minute." "What, this gate?" "Mm-hmm." "Come on!" "Go on." "We can walk from here." "Boy, you better not be shittin' me!" "I ain't shitting' you." "Illium?" "Illium." "Illium Moon, it's Florida, Chester's friend." "Hey, I left him a note." "I told him to call me." "Yeah, well, somethin' tells me it's a call he's not gonna make." "Breechelle, Turquoise." "Look out your window." "Two men following behind a boy like they got somethin' on they mind." "Where's he goin' now?" "I'm tellin' you, this is bullshit." "Well, think of it as a... as a walk in the country, like golf." "We never played no damn golf." "Ah, I played miniature golf with Trudy once." "You did a lot of things with Trudy you shouldn't've done." " Thanks for reminding me." " Oh, you welcome." "Dawnisha, Breechelle." "They comin' your way right now." "Mm-hmm." "I got 'em." "They comin' 'round back, Leelanee." "Told ya I could find it." "What the hell is this?" "The gate." "No." "That ain't the gate!" "Hey, that is the gate." "Ohh." ""Oh," nothin'." "Boy, get over here." "Listen, from now on, he's Starsky, and I'm Hutch." "Looky here." "And you Huggy Bear." "Huggy Bear don't do nothin', all right?" "He just do what he told." " You got that?" " Mm-hmm." "Hap, where's Chester's map?" "We got to find us some mothers to talk to." "Follow me." "Round up the girls, Dawnisha." "Oh, shit." "Hello." "Come on, now." "Hand over that boy, right now." "Come over here, child." "You good?" "We takin' you to Stella." "Look like a coupla perverts to me." "Oh, no, no, ma'am." "We're... we're detectives." "Uh, yeah." "Uh, private investigators." "We... we're... we're working on this..." "The only thing that's keeping you from getting your ass Jheri-curled up in here is me." "So how about speaking some truth to Stella?" "I-I know, ma'am." "See, we..." "Here... here it is." "Uh, we're looking for this." "See, uh... the dead boy who was found under the house?" "We think he may have been tied to that gate." "I've seen this." "You have?" "Where?" "Hmm." "Um..." "Uh-oh." " Mm-hmm." "Come on." "I'll show you." "My grandparents on their wedding day." "You know where this was taken, ma'am?" " That picture?" " Mm-hmm." "No." "They're all dead now." "Oh." " The whole generation of them." " Mm-hmm." "And my Boomer, too." "Your Boomer?" "My son." "Boomer." "He's dead." "I know he is." "Oh, Miss Stella." "We can't promise nothin', but we gon' be lookin' for all the lost boys around here." "And if your boy but one of 'em, we'll do our best to find him." "Okay?" "Okay." "Oh, hey, come here." "Okay." "Hey, next time you wanna play private detective, do me a favor and leave me out of it." "I almost got my face raked off while you feelin' up on that old midget." "Well, it worked, didn't it?" "Gate came from a church." "We didn't know that this mornin'." "Church ain't tell us who them bones is." "Damn sure ain't tell us where the killa at." "Uh, how do you know that?" "We haven't found the church yet." " Tomorrow." " Yeah." " I'm hungry." " Stop your bellyaching." "You'll eat soon enough." "You need to be with your own people." "I thought you were my people." "Yeah, well, you thought wrong." "Raul said you'd take care of me." "That ain't mean forever." "I ain't gon' be here forever." "You got kicked out or you ran away?" "Tell me the truth." "Kicked out." "Bullshit." "You ran away, and probably just sayin' that 'cause it's easier." "Am I right?" "Am I right?" "I'm telling you right now, that running away shit, it follows you like a goddamn shadow, sometimes in the front, sometimes in the back." "No matter what... it's the first thing people see when you come in, and the last thing they see when you goin'." "Damn shadow, tell the whole story, no matter what lie you run and tell yourself in your own head." "Ain't no runnin' from your shadow." "You need to think on that." "Mm-hmm." "Hang on." "Hey!" "Fill it up and check the oil." "All right, what was you saying?" "Good enough." "We'll talk tomorrow." "A'ight." "All right, bye." "Hey." "You know what's at the bottom of an abandoned quarry, under all that water?" "Rocks... that nobody wants." "I don't give a shit about Leonard Pine." "I don't give a shit about you." "I don't give a shit about your lawyer." "You poke me..." "You got it?" "I got it." "Good." "Hurry it up, then." "Have a good evening, Judge." "What the..." "Hey, hey!" "Right here, asshole!" "You call a tow truck, Judge?" "Yeah." "I did." "Moron." "You've been drinkin'." "Just fix it!" "Some people learn the hard way, Judge." "And others?" "The hardest." "You oughta know that by now." "Boy... me and you fixin' to mix." "Goddamn!" "What did you do to my car?" "!" "My ca..." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow, ow!" "Ow!" "G..." "Ow." "Ow." "Ow." "Ow." "You're makin' a big mistake." "Yeah, probably." "What do you want?" "I wanna tell you a story, Judge." "I want you to pay attention." "A long time ago lived an old man, and he had a dog." "Yeah, everybody said that that dog was sour." "And the old man should have him put down." "But... old man loved that dog, hard as it was to love." "And then one day... a little boy... walked past the old man's house on his way to school, and the old man's crazy dog jumped up, bit him." "Right here." "Did you know a... a dog bite could... break a boy's heart?" "Well... from then on, every time that boy walked past the house..." "He told himself somethin'." ""Someday," he said..." "He said, "Someday..." ""I'm gonna go past his house, and that dog..."" ""...that dog is gonna be all by hisself."" "Anything else I can get you, Miss Grange?" "A chill pill'd be nice." "How 'bout a slice of cherry pie, instead?" "Even better." " Thank you." " Sheriff... what can I get you?" "Oh, just some coffee." "Whoop." "Whoop, whoop." "There you go." "Thank you, ma'am." "Vermont maple syrup, just to sweeten it up a bit." "How good of a judge is my son Beau?" "Say, on a scale of 1 to 10, would you say?" "2." "If I'm being generous." "Well, then how good of a lawyer are you?" "Same scale." " 8." " Mm." "Ahh." "And me?" "We all pay for our crimes, Miss Grange, and our misdemeanors." "Leonard Pine pays." "Hap Collins pays." "You." "Me." "My son." "Even the innocent we can't really protect." "Well..." "Ahh." "Y'all be careful, huh?" "Unh-unh-unh!" "Surefire way to get your pecker blown off." " How'd you get in here?" " Boy, didn't nobody tell you?" "Ain't safe to leave your door open in a white neighborhood." "What are you doing?" "Salt increases the, uh, conductivity." "So when you go you go real quick." "You gon' go." "Uhh!" "Where's Ivan?" "Valentine tell you to snatch him?" "He told us, all the cops, to nail you, make it stick." "Even if the case against Chester didn't make, he wanted you." "That boy ain't nothin' but a kid." " He ain't got nothin' to do with this!" " I know." "I know." "I-I went to Melton." "I took some bones." "You know, like trophies." "It was my idea." "I-I told Melton I'd shut him down if he didn't help me." "He got the kid to do it to plant 'em in Chester's house." "Only the kid didn't do it." " Where is Ivan?" "!" " Aah!" "I'm about to rip this thing right off!" "I took him to Melton's." "That's the truth." "Boy, don't matter what you wash or how hard you wash it." "You ain't gon' never be clean." "Please, no!" "No, don't!" "Copper Top." "Best battery you could buy." "Who next?" "!" "Y'all got 5 seconds to get outta here." "And don't come back!" "Now, look out!" "Look out!" "You heard me." "I ain't gon' say it again." "You keep on smilin'." "I'll shoot them teeth out your head!" "Oh." "Oh, shit." "MeMaw!" "MeMaw!" "Open the door!" "Oh." "I'm about to have a duck fit." "What are you doin'?" "What you gon' do?" "Something I shoulda done a long time ago." "I just had coffee with King Valentine." "Oh?" "Do you want your friend to go to jail?" "Because he will." "As good as I am, as weak as their case is..." "You keep harassing the judge," "Valentine will see to it Leonard goes to jail." "Three cops called me this evening to tell me what an asshole you are." "I got my hands full with Leonard." "I-I don't need to worry about you, too." "You're worried about me?" "What I need is you to be honest with me." "About everything." "No problem." "Total honesty." "Absolutely." "Where's Illium?" "Dead." "I know." "We found him at the bottom of his pond," "Hanson and I." "Oh, you told Hanson about Illium?" "Well, he's trying to solve this case." "No, he... he... he's trying to frame Leonard." "Tell me you and Leonard had nothing to do with Illium's death." "We found him in the van, in... in the pond." "But... but he was... he was dead when we got there." "And you what, sunk the van?" "Yeah..." "Thinking through our options, it... that seemed the most reasonable thing to do at the time." "And... and this was before we knew about our..." "our new best friend Hanson." "Okay." "Okay what?" "4... and 5..." "And 6..." "And 7... 8... 9... 10."