"Open the door!" "Open the door, Chander!" "Hey, you nincompoop!" "Tough to say..." "I hope he's not dead already!" "Wake up, boss... the girl who got married last night is already divorced" "There's been a battle royal between mister and missus Banerjee already!" "Open the door!" " lt's a grave sin to commit suicide" "You think that shameless guy will commit suicide...?" "He's fast asleep in there!" " lf they get in before you go out... they'll send you packing from the world!" "So wake up!" ""Disturb not"" ""Disturb him not"" ""The guest's fast asleep"" ""Disturb not"" ""Disturb him not"" ""The guest's fast asleep"" ""Of millions and billions, of flying horses..."" ""those are the dreams he's lost in"" ""No work, no business." " He's a happy go lucky guy"" ""No tension, no worries..." "that's the dictum he lives by"" ""This lover will romance, whatever happens to the world..."" ""this chap's one hell of a lazy guy"" ""Disturb not"" ""Disturb him not"" ""The guest's fast asleep"" ""He has talent in his hands"" ""He looks for a new fashion every day"" ""The girls he sews for..."" ""behaves like Priety, Rani or Kareena"" ""But there is a problem"" ""He sleeps like a demon"" ""He's forever in bed, the sheets drawn over"" ""Disturb not..." "disturb him not"" ""The guest's fast asleep"" ""He's fast asleep"" "You dumbo... why haven't you worn any clothes?" "What will people say?" "I stitch clothes for the whole town." "And my assistant is naked I've atleast worn my underpants, boss." "Look at you!" "Take a look" "Where are my clothes?" "We'll have an ominous night..." "no wonder my clothes have disappeared" "Ominous, for you." "But why must I lose my clothes?" "You don't understand the miracle." "Ominous for you too... so you atleast have your underpants." "Get off now" "Your eyes have blown up, jerk?" " My fate's blown, Jeeva" "What happened?" " The girls I want to sell clothes to... either slap me or abuse me." " Why?" "Women don't want to go to the city to have clothes stitched" "And the local tailor, Chander, is such a lazy bum!" "Neither will he stitch clothes, nor can I sell any!" "Dammit!" "Girls in the colony facing trouble with me around...?" "Not done!" " Exactly" "Go and tell Chander that if he doesn't heed my advice..." "Janardhan is arriving in two months." "He'll then have nowhere to go!" "Chander, my boy... you're gonna have to work now!" "What's gotten into you, huh?" "Why don't you come to me...?" "Come on!" "Come..." "Hey jerk... where's Chander?" " Go inside and see for yourself" "Come with me." " Me...?" "What...?" "Stop pulling my leg." "That's enough now" "Who's he talking to?" " To the lizard" "Look, I've scoured my destiny for you" "My destiny says, if you fall on me and make me wealthy... you'll never have to live on flies and insects I'll treat you to the kebabs from Lucknow!" "And should you fall on my forehead and make me king... I'll treat you to rossogollas from Kolkata!" "What if it falls in your mouth?" "I'll have you slaughtered!" " What are you angry for?" "Now listen" "You're the only tailor for ladies in the colony" "You won't stitch clothes, they won't wear clothes lf they don't wear clothes, I won't sell any" "That's neither good for you nor me" "Forget about these superstitions and get on with stitching clothes" "Now tell me something." "Suppose you don't have a tv" "And just suppose there's a tv there." "You don't have the remote-control" "Now try switching on the tv." " Has this guy gone mad?" "How will the tv be switched on without the remote control?" "That's the key to one's destiny!" "The day I find it... I'll become as famous as the film stars and the industrialists!" "What if you don't find it?" "In that case, you, this guy, that butcher out there... a burden on earth!" "They'll make my head blow!" "What'll happen of you, boss?" " l'm gonna play a big part... in the nation's economy!" " Wow, handsome!" "Forget about the nation's economy!" "Let's think of our livelihood!" "How will we manage if you don't stitch?" "Forget about destiny and believe in your deeds!" ""The python does not take up a job"" ""The bird does not work for a living"" ""As has been wisely said..."" ""the Lord provides for everyone"" "You get that, you nut?" "And you feel ashamed now?" "The dog's tail!" "He'll never straighten out!" "Really?" "Now you get to know!" "Else you'd never try to straighten me out!" "See?" "He forgets who he is!" "Who's calling me names?" "No names..." "I've come to unlock your destiny" "What about my destiny?" " l can see it with my divine powers" "Priest, looks like your powers have weakened" "And I see your future is bleak" "Saturn's playing havoc." "The stars are all at loggerheads with you" "Your life is eclipsed." "The next 12 years are very difficult for you" "After that?" " You'll get used to it" "How come?" " You'll have trouble without trouble" "How do you know?" "Take a look at this, son." " What is it?" "Take a look" "Sachin Tendulkar?" " That's me at his side" "Amitabh Bachchan!" " That's me at his side" "Bill Gates!" " That's me at his side Indira Gandhi!" " That's me at his side" "Mahatma Gandhi!" " Err... me, at his side" "Priest!" "I'm sick of the scissors and the sewing machine!" "Tell me of a way that will make me filthy rich!" "Let me read your palm" "You are quite fortunate..." "but your deeds are complicated" "Can't you use a hammer and straighten them out?" "That'll twist your hand forever" "You can get rich." "But there is a problem" "Problem?" " Something to do with your birth" "Mars isn't favourable. lf you get married after 45 years of age... it'll do away with the malady." " lt'll be a remedy for Mars... but what of the other maladies that will creep in?" "Palmists like me are born to suggest ways to overcome them" "Pay me just 500 rupees!" "And see the good-fortune you will experience!" "500?" "Please manage with this." " Better you keep it 12 years of hardship!" " No hardships, please" "Manage with this, please." " 6 years of hardship" "No, sir... please remain seated ls there no other way, sire?" " None." "Except 500 rupees" "Looking at the money's future now?" " One has to... the elections just got over" "Get married, son. lt'll change your luck for the better" "Really?" " Oh yes." "You'll become king" "King!" " Emperor!" "The mighty emperor Chandrasen cometh!" "But what girl is it going to be?" " What girl?" "A girl with a mole on her right thigh." "If you find a girl like that... it'll bring in the money" "But sir, there are several girls in my colony" "How am I going to find one who has a mole on her thigh?" "Simple, my son." "There are five types of girls in the world" "Fun-loving, suspicious, obstinate, loving and the docile" "What sort of girls are they, sire?" " Let me explain, son" "Do not be impatient" "What impression do you get when you see Bipasha, Mallika or Celina?" "The sight of them makes my heart blossom!" "And how do you feel when you see Madhuri, Juhi or Aishwarya?" "I feel like getting married when I see them" "These girls come under the homely bracket" "How about the other types, sire?" " Why must you bother, son?" "Find a homely girl and marry her" "Provided, she has a mole on her right thigh" "Thank you, sire!" "Thank you!" " Bless you, bless you!" "Thank you... thank you, sire!" " Bless you" "Let me predict the future and make money" "Time to make somebody else's life!" "Make my bike shine like a... lt's my luck that's gonna shine!" "Dump this piece of junk and prepare to buy a golden bicycle!" "My rule is about to begin!" " He's daydreaming, surely" "No dream, it's true!" "A palmist has told me... that if I marry a homely girl, I'll get to become king!" "You'll be jealous of my wealth!" " Boss... if you're king, I'm the P.M." " Me?" "You...?" "My General!" " With the right to sell clothes?" "What wrong have I said?" " Cheapskate, aren't you?" "Even if I give him half my kingdom, he'll still extend a begging-bowl" "Okay, I won't say much now." "But there's this advise" "Get married immediately." " l wish I could" "But there is a problem." " What?" "Where will I find a homely girl?" "That too, a girl with a mole on her right thigh!" "God Almighty!" "This guy's gone nuts!" "He's gone crazy!" "He wants to see if there's a mole on a girl's thigh!" "Boss, I hope you know why Janardhan went to jail?" "Janardhan...?" "So you wouldn't listen to me?" " Spare me, please!" "Now you will see justice!" " Spare me, please" "You know what Janardhan does to those that play with a woman's honour" "Please spare me, Janardhan-bhai." " lt's like this, Bheema I still follow the principles of the army lf l spare you today, there will be several Bheemas doing what you did" "And that is not in keeping with Janardhan's principles" "Jeeva..." " Forgive me, Janardhan-bhai... I've made a mistake!" "Please forgive me" "Spare me!" "I made a mistake!" "No!" "No!" " What happened?" "I forgot to ask the palmist when Janardhan's gonna be cremated!" "Not to worry, brother." "There's time for Janardhan to be released from jail" "And how about Jeeva?" " Big men always have sidekicks... who are their informants." "And Jeeva is Janardhan's sidekick" "He was my classfellow for five years in class four I'll take care of him." " l hope women won't beat me up... when I go around looking for a mole?" "ldea!" "Here's what you'll do!" "Stitch a great new dress for that girl" "When she goes around in it, it'll give you publicity in the colony" "Oh yes!" "All the girls in the colony will make a beeline for us!" "And who has a heart on her thigh..." " What?" "A mole... it'll be easy to look for it" "And who will they buy garments from, so they can have you stitch them up?" "Who?" " From me, of course!" "You stand to gain." "So do I" "That's okay..." " Oh yes, it's okay ls it a deal then?" " Yes" "The mole is the remote-control to our destiny!" ""The one with the mole..."" "Step aside" "Look at Gauri's new dress!" " lt's wonderful" "Gauri... come here, will you?" "Mine's a lovely dress" "The one who gave it to me is Chander..." "Chander" ""Send to us the one with the mole"" ""What rubbish is that about the mole?"" ""The soothsayer told my boss..."" ""Three men, desperate, scour the streets"" ""Make our lives..." "play the Matchmaker"" ""God Almighty, send to us the one with the mole"" ""When I find my lovely, docile bride..."" ""l'll marry her and my life will change"" ""Crazed at heart, we seek"" ""She's the one we're madly looking for"" ""Send to us the one with the mole"" ""Neither do we have her name nor her whereabouts"" ""lf only somebody would tell us where she lives"" ""We've been looking, asking everyone..."" ""we've almost given up the search!"" ""Send to us the one with the mole"" ""Three men, desperate, scour the streets"" ""Make our lives..." "play the Matchmaker"" ""God Almighty, send to us the one with the mole"" "The homely one!" "The docile one, I say!" "The docile one, I say!" ""Not one, not two..." "I've found three docile ones"" ""My luck's suddenly looking up"" "Boss, you found the docile ones..." "but how about the mole?" "Oh yes!" ""Three docile ones..." "and yet there's confusion"" ""How am I to find out?" "That is a dilemma too"" ""How are we to solve this problem?"" ""All that our eyes see are stars in many hues"" ""Send to us the one with the mole"" "I was looking for one button to my destiny and I find three of them" "Flora... there's a fragrance in the name itself" "Rubbish!" "She's no flora..." "it's a fountain" "An Amitabh Bachchan fan" "Boss, who's the second lucky one?" " My word!" "She's the sweet-yogurt of Bengal!" "Gayatri" "Dammit!" "Bannerjee's daughter?" " Yes" "You've lost it, I say!" "Her father's a bloody gambler" "Jassi has no family!" "She's the one I'll settle for!" "That's a great idea!" " No great idea" "Girl from Punjab." "No way you get close to her, unless she teaches you Yoga" "Like this... relax your body" "Close your eyes, take a deep breath... and release it slowly" "Do it again" "Again" "Lord, I hope I don't breathe my last like this!" "Very good." "Go on now... show me one of the asanas I've just taught you" "There's just one asana I really dig!" "That is to sleep!" "Look sis, I've been doing the asanas for four hours now" "So take my advise now and let Chander stitch a dress for you" "Chander's the best tailor in the colony" "Wear a salwar-kameez he stitches, you'll leave everybody gaping!" "But..." " No buts, sis l'll supply the fabric for your dress." "The best quality available" "They call me FTV because I sell only fashionable fabrics!" "Fatehchand Tarachand Vilayatiya" "Chander, you're simply great!" "What a lovely dress I'm just great and you're delicious." "I mean... there's nobody quite like Jassi!" "You've really won me over." " Show me the mole... I'll be won over too." " What?" "I'm told you're a great cook!" " Well?" "is that all?" "Okay then." "Come over to my place." "To eat" "Sure, I'll be there" "Pyare won't be coming." "He's fasting." " Since when have I been fasting?" "Shut up, you moron!" "You always keep forgetting" "Thank God my memory's just fine." "You've been fasting for a year!" "Sorry... he's a kid, you know" "Sit here and eat bananas!" "Babbles away!" "That's okay... the two of you can come over then" "Who's us?" " You guys" "That'll make a threesome!" " Threesome?" "Right." "One, two and three" "Your bike isn't running, right?" "So much of smoke... people falling sick" "Better you attend to it...?" " Right I'll be right there" "She's at her Yoga again!" "God... make it work today!" "Chander... you?" "You've come at the right time" "Would you know of a stripping asana that would expose the mole?" "What?" " l mean... can you stand on your head?" " On my head?" "I'll show you in a moment." " This is fun... so much of fun!" "You're so good at it!" " Keep your hands like this... and this... is the way to go" "Problem!" "The pyjama won't slip!" " What are you doing?" "Get down here... the blasted pyjama has ruined everything" "Come..." "let's have food." " No, what food...?" "The sight of you standing on your head has sent my heart into raptures!" "May I say something?" " Sure I feel shy" "A gift." "For you." " For me...?" "God... it's so lovely!" "Am I going to wear it?" "You'll look like Elizabeth Taylor when you wear it" "Elizabeth Taylor?" " Right" "She wore a gown like this and married a tailor!" "That's how she got her name." " May I wear it then...?" "Go ahead... may I help you with it?" "Go on... shameless man!" " What is it about shame...?" "I'll go and wear it..." "let me..." " Hang on... it'll be fun... you and I, in one room..." "and the key gets lost!" "Shameless man!" "Come back soon!" "My wish is going to be granted today, I swear!" "How do I look?" " What will I say?" "I can see nothing!" "You mean, I'm not looking like Elizabeth Taylor...?" "You look like Elizabeth." "And I'm the tailor!" "Look, stand just like that..." "I'll give it a try in a moment, okay?" "Okay." " Hang on, hang on..." "What are you doing?" " Stand still, will you...?" "Atleast eat before you go!" "Well, boss?" "You look worried?" "Did you find the mole?" "She was dressed from head to toe, what could I find?" "You ought to have taken me along." "You'd have found everything" "As if you'd have had hoisted a flag!" " What flags...?" ""Mother Goddess, grant every man his wish..."" "Boss, you did your bit yesterday." "Now look at my style" "Look at the things girls promise God to get married!" "Hi ladies... attention, please" "Do you wish to get married?" " Oh yes" "You got to do something then." " What?" "If anyone of you has a mole on your right thigh..." "let's see it" "My boss wants to get married" "Aren't you ashamed to tease girls...?" " l am" "But they all wave me good-bye." "So let's see the mole, quick" "That's the way to go" "Show it to me..." " Come on inside..." "Hey!" "Why are you hitting me?" "He's gonna get lynched!" "Let me go!" "Big hero, weren't you...?" "Lost your style, eh?" "It's a pity they let you half-dead." "I wish they had killed you!" "You want to be a burden on me forever?" "Big hero..." " They should've said... there's no mole." "Why hit me?" " Quiet!" "They spared your bones... thank God for that" "Chander... what happened?" " The cops went about caning people" "When...?" " You know nothing!" "So just shut up!" "He went to see a movie at Sangam theatre." " Sangam...?" "Amit-ji's movie, right?" "Can I have a ticket, please?" " Put a tape on his mouth, please!" "Those injuries on his head..." "his tongue wags for no reason!" "He's worse off..." " Tape... his whole mouth" "Shut up now." "Don't talk!" "Lie down" "This chap, Pyare... he went to see Amit-ji's BLACK" "He forgot about the movie and tried to sell the ticket in the black-market" "And the cops gave him a thrashing!" " l think he was beaten up by women" "Look!" "See!" "Learn!" "See Dr Flora's sense of judgement?" "She could see that women have beaten you up!" "Actually, there were women who wanted to see Amit-ji's BLACK" "And he tried to sell tickets to them in black!" "He deserves a worse beating then!" " Never mind... he's terribly poor." "How the women thrashed him I'll tell Amit-ji... if the women listen, it's okay... else, I won't stitch clothes for him!" " Chander, I wish to meet Amit-ji" "He's my dream-boy." " Dream-boy?" "What's a dream-boy?" "Take me to Amit-ji Chander... please?" " Sure, I will take you to him" "But you'll have to do something for me." " What?" "You'll have to show me the mole." " Mole...?" "Yes!" "The mole that will unlock my destiny!" "If you have it..." "it'll make me king!" "I don't understand." " May I explain?" "Shut up... and keep lying down!" "Let me explain lf l find that mole on your right thigh... you and I will get married" "If it wasn't for that cursed Jeeva, my work was almost done!" "You can't wield a pair of scissors." "So let your tongue run wild!" "I can atleast let my tongue run wild, you wimp!" "All said, you're damn good at spinning a yarn, boss" "Let me dump you!" "King of Spades?" "Wow!" "Hail Goddess Mother..." "Glory be..." "That's enough, it's okay" "Well, he's alive" "Gayatri..." "Let there be peace, Mother Goddess." "Take some offerings, son" "Get up now" "Hail Mother Goddess..." " Gayatri... where are you?" "Find a suitor for Gayatri who'll ask for no dowry I've given you the card..." "here it is" "Gayatri..." " Chander!" "Here...?" "Hail Goddess Mother..." "Glory be to You..." "Better she leaves..." " Look at your face!" "Her mother blackened my face with the smoke!" "Does she sleep at all...?" "The smoke all day" "Come and wash your face" "Do your relatives ever visit you...?" "Sit down" "Water" "Let me have the soap." " Here it is" "Scrub it well... the area around your ear... here's some water" "Water" "Give me the towel... quick..." " What are you doing?" "The towel... give it to me." " lt's not a towel..." "Leave her sari and take the towel" "Hey kid..." "lend me a hundred bucks" "Look at him snoring away..." "Stand here, don't you move" "Lord!" "Why're you hitting me?" "If you sleep there, where will the patient sleep?" "Pyare...?" " Yes." "He'll sleep there." "Go on" "Chander... sew up my bangle, will you?" " What?" "Your bangle...?" "Ask him to do it, he's good at it." " Pyare, sew up my bangle, please?" "See, it's broken." "Sew it up, will you...?" "Drive her away..." "she'll be death of him!" "Come with me... come on..." " My bangle!" "Sew it up, please!" "Boss, looks like it's an ominous night for me..." "No way, son... go to sleep." "What am I to do?" "The enemy always lands where l go." "And I don't know what to do" "What happened?" " What?" "Your friend Jeeva always crosses my path... do something about him" "Else, your contract with me stands cancelled!" "Uh huh... why d'you keep dragging the contract into everything?" "There has to be another way out?" " What way...?" "Janardhan and Jeeva have blocked all our ways!" "Janardhan is not that kind of a man." "He's the epitome of virtue" "No epitome of virtue..." "he's the lord of death" "As you know, that's not how Janardhan used to be" "Someone betrayed his sister... she couldn't take the shock and died" "Gauri loved her sister so much, she went mad" "Ever since, he hacks the limbs of those that play with a woman's honour..." "Hacks the limbs!" " Right" "Guys, don't worry." "I'm with you I'm going to the city to fetch needles and thread tomorrow" "On my way back, I'll bring something so amazing..." "Hello!" "I'm MKP... the photographer of dead bodies!" "Who's the one who died?" " Our mother" "Mother?" "So why are you holding the garland?" "Put it around your Mom's neck." "...one moment" "Smile" "Hey idiot..." "I asked the body to smile!" "Okay... now for my fee." "50 rupees" "Here you are." " Thank you" "Return the remaining 50, will you?" " lt's an advance" "What for?" " As if you're not going to die!" "Amazing guy..." "I have a job for you." " Listen... I photograph only the dead, not those alive" "See this camera?" "It's 200 years old." "It just can't capture live humans!" "I'll explain it all to you." "Come on... come!" "Come." " Hey bones... you're not going to beat me up?" " No..." "I like you I'm going to give you a job." " But I do no work I'll pay you for it." " l do work then I want you to take some photos." " You know, I photograph only the dead" "Why must you photograph only the dead?" " Because the dead don't bargain I won't haggle either!" "I'll give you a thousand rupees" "Wholesale massacre...?" " No, nobody's dead" "You got to take pictures of someone alive." "A grand... here's the advance" "Thank you!" "Now point a finger..." "and I'll show you the photo!" "Don't waste my time..." " Let's go!" "This is our colony" "There he is..." " Yes, he's here" "MKP, this is FTV" "Nice to meet you." " Hello. I don't shake hands" "Do you shake legs then?" " Sure, I do" "Boss, he's an amazing thing!" " Him...?" "He looks like a curse!" "What corpse have you brought?" " Corpse?" "Where is it...?" "Hang on... no deadbodies here, except for you I'm no dead-body..." "I'm this guy's finding" "By the way, I'm a photographer of dead bodies I charge 50 rupees per dead body." "But only the dead!" "This guy is far-sighted!" "He knows you're going to get killed, looking for the mole" "So he's found a photographer!" " l haven't become king... and you're already killing me?" "You... you're gonna die today!" " My lucky break!" "I want a real body" "You moron!" "Whom did you bring?" "He's the one who's gonna be handy for us, boss" "Really?" "How?" "This coconut didn't break..." "but it broke on the wrestler's head" "Run for your life!" "Run!" "One coconut injury and you rush here for a bandage" "Look at Amit-ji... he'll take a hundred coconuts on his head... and yet, nothing happens to him." "He's my God!" "God has many roles, you see." " Amit-ji has many roles too" "KAALlA, DON, MARD..." "SHEHANSHAH..." "SHARAABl..." " But who gave him all these roles?" "Who gave him the roles...?" "You?" "Not just that, I even keep giving him advise" "Really?" "You advise him?" " Absolutely" "What?" " l tell him which film to sign... which to refuse, which producer to talk to and give dates ln fact, I even take the barber to him." " What's that?" "A french-beard?" "Who gave that to him?" "Me, of course." " You?" "Really?" "You think I'm lying?" " Certainly" "Certainly!" "When Amit-ji has a problem on his quiz-show... I'm the one he calls straightaway." "When I give him the right answer... he only laughs in response" "You nut..." "Amit-ji asks the questions on the show" "You don't start asking too many questions" "Amit-ji hates inquisitive people." " So what does he like?" "What does he like...?" "He likes people who love me." " l will love you then" "Really?" " Absolutely" "There's no fall in this sari!" "Strange sari this!" "Let me see..." " What are you doing?" "What happened...?" "Where are you going, Chander?" "Don't be angry, love..." "Take it!" " No" "Take it, I say!" " l won't!" "Why not?" " l want hard cash" "So you don't trust me?" " Get lost!" "You're a crybaby!" "No..." "I have the money." "Here's a thousand rupees" "Look at me taking those now..." "She hasn't raised her skirt." "Why don't you understand?" "Why won't this coconut break?" "She looks just like Sushmita Sen. My Shushu!" "Hail Goddess Mother..." " She knows knitting and embroidery too" "Don't tell me!" " Oh yes." "And she's such a good cook... you feel like eating up the vessel with the lentil-curry!" "She makes such great bread..." "you want to eat up the pan too!" "And I feel like eating up this guy!" "Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you" "Well, I like the girl." "How about discussing give-and-take now?" "What's there to give or take?" "Take the bride away" "What else?" "Give us whatever you have I'll manage with what you give." " What give-and-take is that?" "What times!" "I must give you my daughter and also give you dowry?" "No... keep the daughter." "Give me only the dowry" "The suitor does not have a TV." "It would be nice if you gave him one" "We'll give him it to him, sure" "With a fridge and washing-machine...?" " That too will be given" "You'll also accept footwear, right?" " Sure, he will." "Of course" "The poor boy commutes from home to office in a bus lf you could give him a two-wheeler?" " Two-wheeler?" "I'll give that too, for the sake of my daughter's happiness" "She'll get to sit on the scooter, after all?" "No... not she!" "She's going to stay with us!" "And who stays with your son?" " His wife" "Whose wife is she going to be then?" " Well... my wife" "You...?" "Goddess Mother, what am I going to with him...?" "One minute" "What are you doing...?" " Out!" "Else I'll beat you up!" "I just can't find a suitor..." " Don't cry" "You ought to be happy you're not marrying that old fossil!" "You'll marry a tall and handsome young man like me" "Like you...?" " Yes" "You mean, you want to marry me?" " Well, I will marry you... provided you show me the mole." "Just once" "Mole...?" " Yes" "What does that mean?" " lt means... well..." "Hey!" "Nice sari!" "Nice fall... look how well it all falls into place..." "You can admire a sari even from a distance... what say?" "Where does one begin from...?" "The top?" "Or the bottom?" "It's in English." "Nice writing" "Chander, what sort of work is this?" "Look, the stitches have all opened" "The stitches are meant to open up." " What?" "That FTV sells such cheap garments and still calls himself Fashion TV" "Take off your clothes..." "I'll sew them up" "Shameless!" " What's there to feel shy about?" "Whoever feels shy with a tailor!" "Lay off... go on!" "Go!" "I always carry a needle and thread." "Can you see it here?" "Yes, there it is." " Take it out... carefully" "Give it to me..." "I'll sew it up" "What happened?" "Pricked you?" " l feel tickled" "Your silken body suffering a scratch...?" "No, I can't bear to see that" "Chander, do you really love me so much?" " Not just this much... I love you much more." "180 degrees, actually" "Do me a favour?" " What?" "Show me the mole, will you?" " You want to see a mole?" "That's a stamp of approval on your beauty!" "People look at it from a distance." "I admire it up close" "All right... take a look." " No..." "I know where to look" "Where's the needle...?" "Where is it?" "Where?" "What's up?" "If I prick this needle in the wrong place... you'll scream in pain." " No..." "Go on... get lost" "Pyare... the dog!" "Where is he?" "Why are you so angry early in the day?" "What'll you do with Pyare?" "I'm going to pickle that rat!" "You never stitched anything for me ever!" "But I gave your sidekick some cloth to make trousers and shirt for me" "To attend my niece's wedding." "And look at what he's done!" "What has he done?" "Good... you've saved on pyjamas!" " Don't poke fun at me... my blood is boiling!" "Don't drive me crazy..." "take it off. I'll stitch it right" "Don't get angry..." " What are you doing!" "Not nice to see you livid like this" "Bro, how far have you gotten with finding that girl?" "That cursed mole has driven me nuts!" "And I think all those three girls have a mole" "They just won't show it to me!" " Girls won't show you anything anyway" "They'll hide everything." "It's for you to find out" "But I could give you an idea, if you gave me hundred bucks" "You talk of money whenever you open your mouth!" "Lmagine, had the mole to be on the cheek instead of the thigh... I'd have been married by now and also become king!" "There you are..." " Wow!" "I'm going to... I'm a failure with men's clothes." "And thus, I'm a ladies' tailor" "Hey... you give me less cards and then want to take a peek?" "Okay... here's the card." "Get on with it now" "Take that... you wear the blouse!" "Chander's finished!" "Atleast you could work hard and become a good tailor!" "Hey... this is a Jack!" "How about a round of cards, FTV?" " No thank you" "Hey you... stop being angry and sit down" "Spit on him, if you wish to." "But please sit down!" "Keep an eye on this guy..." "he's a bloody crook" "My cards...?" " What happened?" "Aren't they less?" " He's the cheat!" "It was just a mistake..." "now I want a show" "Hey!" "Four jokers!" " He used my cards to make his game!" "And he wants a show!" "This is cheating!" "I'm not sparing this guy!" "I'm going to kill him!" " Really?" "Swear it on him!" "I swear it on you!" " Even if a mosquito feasts on blood... it still can't become a dinosaur!" " You called me a dinosaur?" "He called you a mosquito!" " What...?" "Damn you... I'll go and get my camera!" "To capture the killing..." "live!" "There's gonna be a dead-body!" " Dead-body?" "Where is it?" "Here he is... readymade!" "I see!" "Gambling!" "Constable, we were not gambling." "It was a game..." "like this" "And I was only taking a picture I don't even know how they play cards lf they haven't been gambling, whom was I playing with?" "All right, I'll let you guys go this once" "But if you repeat this mistake, I'll throw you in jail... and have you guys married." " Married!" "That's what I'm here for." "Where is Mr Bannerjee's house?" "Mr Banerjee?" "This gentlemen here is Mr Banerjee!" "My respects, father-in-law!" "Welcome, son-in-law!" "Please be seated" "This girl is good enough." " She's good as the bride's mother" "Gayatri, my child..." " Coming, Ma" "That's the good girl" "The daughter is as beautiful as her mother I accept this alliance!" " Do you really...?" "But I have a condition." " Condition?" "Right. I want to interrogate her." " lnterrogate her?" "Pretty girl" "Do you like me?" " Yes" "Do you like me or don't you?" " Yes!" "Have you ever been to prison?" " Prison?" "Yes, prison." " Only thieves go to prison I ask, have you ever been to prison?" "No... oh yes!" "Once..." "for a flag-hoisting ceremony" "So you've been to prison too?" "What happens of me now...?" "This marriage stands cancelled!" "Hey you..." "Gayatri, listen..." "Atleast hear me out!" "That sea is very deep!" "Wait there..." "Wait..." " Let me go!" "I want to die!" "Let me go!" "Hurry in there..." "Go on!" "Nobody's around!" "In those wet clothes, you look like Mandakini" "Oh, get lost!" " Why...?" "You do look like Chander's Gayatri, don't you?" "You should know." " Show me the mole... there's no one around. I swear!" "When the girl looks disapprovingly, it means it's a red signal" "But when a girl smiles, it's the green signal" "Let me see..." "You get every bloody place I go to!" "I'm going to kill you now!" " What for...?" "What harm have I done?" "Where are you going?" "I'm going to beat you up with a stick today!" "The door's open?" "Flora..." "Who is it?" "Chander?" "Stay right there." "I'll join you in a minute" "Here's my chance!" "Chander... step aside." "Let me take one" "Take your own time" "You scoundrel!" "Why are you beating me?" "Everytime I try to find out, you land there!" "Nobody in this town's dead for me to photograph I thought I'd photograph her mole to help you" "You want to take a picture of her bathing in there?" "All right, I'm leaving." " Get lost!" "Can't you think of anything but the dead?" "Think, think..." " Forget him, boss." "Have some booze" "Okay, give me the booze." " Have booze, my foot!" "If you have the guts, go and find the mole!" "Else, sit here." "Get drunk and see the Taj Mahal swaying!" "What did you say...?" "I'm going to give that cursed Janardhan a thrashing!" "As for Jeeva, I'll clobber him and give him such a kick... he'll land in Delhi from here!" "Give him a gentle kick, boss." "Let him land in the loonybin in Agra" "Boss..." "Hello... hello..." " Hello all right!" "Drink it up, I say!" "You there... drink it up." "I'll give Jeeva such a thrashing..." "What'll I say to you?" "Brother Janardhan will show you" "You won't be drinking then..." "you'll shit in your pants!" "You understand?" "Get lost now" "I'll play the music for you" "The kick has worn off, brother!" "I'm completely sober!" "Boss, the kick has worn off?" " Before Janardhan arrives... it has become necessary to find out which girl has a mole on her thigh" "But how, boss?" " Bro..." "I have an idea" "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!" "Are you going to only make noises?" "We want to see a performance!" "Well then, I'll show you something... you have been seeing from the times of the "Mahabharata"" "Why is there such a deathly silence here?" ""Go on, boy, disrobe her..."" ""have a ball"" ""l'm your boy, too, Uncle." "Could I give him a hand, please?"" ""Lover-boy, come now"" ""Get another sari and come over"" ""lf not a sari or a salwar, get me a dress atleast"" ""Monica... my sweet girl"" ""l've come with Lee Cooper"" ""What have you come here for?"" ""Why've you brought the stuff without asking me?"" ""lt's going to ruin my plans"" "Silence!" "Damn you!" "We now present to you Emperor Akbar!" "Anarkali, I'm told you and Shekhu are having a passionate affair?" "If not an affair..." " Silence!" "How dare a courtesan dream of becoming the empress of India?" "Soldiers... take the courtesan away." "And bury her alive in the walls" ""ln love, what have we to fear?" ""Love is no crime." "Why must I fear Akbar?"" "Emperor Akbar, my eyes reveal the desires of this slave" "Do not snatch dreams from my eyes, please" "Shekhu, if you desire to marry this courtesan, this fast number... I accept this fast number as my daughter-in-law" ""Let's hit the streets, my love"" ""l'm game, let's go"" ""Come..." "let's go"" "Shekhu, what have you done?" "Shut up!" "This plan is a flop!" "Well guys...?" "Having fun?" "You must be having a ball!" "I'm the only one suffering" ""Come to me, sweetheart." "Slake the thirst of my heart"" ""Paro..."" "Paro, see what I've got for you." " From England?" "No, I stitched it on my own." " Really?" ""l can't spend my days and nights, until I tell you how I feel..."" ""Let me tell you today"" ""l love you"" ""l love you"" "I don't think there's a girl with a mole in this world" "Shame on you guys!" "You guys are sitting like deflated balloons!" "You couldn't find a girl with a mole!" "Boss, we got photographs of every girl in the colony for you" "Only old hags left now." "You want me to take pictures of them?" "Shut up, you black crow!" "Why're you raving away?" "Well, well..." "all the bad eggs together?" "What's wrong?" " A cold and cough I'll be okay by tomorrow." " So you're ill?" "Never mind." "Janardhan is bringing your medicine... you'll be all right" "Here's the cloth." "Stitch two kurtas for Janardhan" "Two kurtas in so much of cloth?" " Hey!" "It's okay..." "I'll make four, not two." "For Janardhan, after all" "Dead!" "We're dead!" "What's all this?" " A live telecast of your exploits" "Take a look now; once Janardhan is back you won't have eyes to see!" "So take a look!" "Hey MKP... come here." " Sure" "Closer." " Sure, brother" "Jeeva!" "The demon!" "Lord!" "Since when has Jeeva turned a photographer?" "Jeeva, a photographer...?" "My foot!" "I'm the one who took these pictures" "Lord!" "A double-crosser!" "You bloody traitor!" "Hang on, hang on" "You guys are hitting me!" "This fatso, this skeleton here!" "And that lame-duck meets me at every square and asks me to take photos!" "Otherwise, he says, I'll be a deadman and he'll take my pictures!" "What on earth am I to do...?" " What a fraud!" "Tell me something. lf there's a war between Bharat and Hindustan... where am I going to live?" " Where?" "In India!" "Excuse me..." " Ask him to get out I'm leaving!" "But I'm coming back to take pictures at your wedding" "That's not a warning, it's a threat!" "I'll be right back!" "I'm not in those pictures, am I?" " No, not you" "Lord!" "I'm not feeling too well." "I'll go and see the doctor" "It's rats that first desert a sinking ship!" "Pyare, we can even stitch underwear to earn a living, if we live" "Let's run away someplace tonight!" "The mighty emperor Chandrasen arriveth!" "Jeeva..." " Brother!" "How are you?" " You're out!" "Sit down" "How's everybody at the colony?" " Great I've kept everybody in line" "Brother... what's he upto?" "is he dreaming?" "Or is he sleepwalking?" "He isn't walking... he's gone mad." "He's dancing" "Wow!" "Nice combination!" "The blind and the lame" "Now I know... this is the nut they're talking about in the colony" "What has happened?" " l'll tell you as soon as I know" "Shut up." " l'm not mad!" "I've found the mole I was destined to find!" "I'll now be king!" " And I, the General" "And I, the PM!" " But where did you find her?" "You know Manilal's steel mart." "There's a lane next to that...?" "The bungalow on the left, you know?" " Oh yes!" "So you found her in that bungalow?" "Not in that bungalow. I found her in the bungalow next door" "The girl with the mole...?" "In the bungalow next door?" "Lord, Chander's ruined!" "Forget about her, please" "Just tell me that girl's name, will you?" " Forget about that bungalow, I say!" "She's said to be a teacher." " Just tell me her name!" "Radhika." " Radhika!" "Chander and Radhika..." "And whose bungalow is it?" " Janardhan's" "Janardhan's...?" "Janardhan's or anybody else's!" "Janardhan's...?" "Looks like he's gone" "We're home at last" "We've made beans for you." " Really?" "You're in for a treat" "The crazy djin..." " Gauri...?" "How are you?" " Brother!" "Boss, Janardhan's back." "So it's time you came out too" "How long will you hide under the bed, frightened of Janardhan?" "Every place you bleed..." "I shall sweat and toil!" "Boss... you haven't buried yourself alive, I hope?" "I have an idea!" "Don't give me your ideas!" "What news have you brought?" "A teacher called Radhika has joined the school on a temporary basis" "She's staying at Janardhan's house" "A golden egg in a snakepit!" "Here's what you'll do, boss..." " Play the pipe?" "No, go to Janardhan's house and speak confidently" ""l'm in love with Radhika and wish to marry her"" "Yes?" "As if Janardhan will congratulate me for wanting to marry Radhika!" "Take it from Pyare, boss." " He'll then sharpen his sword I swear!" " Once it is sharpened... he'll pat me and lovingly kill me, as if I were a sacrificial goat!" "You're so right!" " You bloody nincompoop!" "Jeeva, you haven't been telling me anything about the colony" "All is well here." "Gayatri isn't yet married" "Nandu, the cobbler, has moved to the city; he has a new shop there" "Bharti gave birth to a baby-boy and she calls him Janardhan" "Why Janardhan?" "Are there no other names?" "Brother, the tyres of the jeep have worn out..." "Watch it..." " Look at me running into you!" "Well?" "A mobile garment store...?" "So what's new?" "I'll give you the news about him." "This chap and Chander..." "We have started a new business." " Yes. ln this business... I sell the clothes, and he stitches them I see..." "let's move it" "Brother, the truth about them..." " Please forgive me" "Consider me to be falling at your feet!" "I beg for your forgiveness lf Janardhan loses his temper and cuts off Chander's limbs... my business will be ruined." " How can I help that?" "Now FTV... you will reap as you sow" "Brother, I really fall at your feet!" " Do what you will... I'll tell brother what you've done!" " Brother!" "Tell me... how am I to blame in any of this?" "So you want to know how you are to blame?" "You are the director of the movie in which he acts!" "And you say how you're to blame?" " Jeeva, let's forget the past" "What's this?" " A bribe" "You'll bribe me?" "Me?" " No... it's no bribe lt's money to buy new tyres for your jeep" "Hey Chander!" " Jassi?" "In a sari?" "Got to wear it after marriage." "So I thought, I might as well start now I got to take a left, a right and go God knows where" "Let's go to the temple." " Temple?" "When did you start visiting temples?" " You know, prayers help... getting twins." "That's what the priest says" "A mother of twins without even getting married?" "Not you... with God" "What'll God do?" "You and I have to do all the hard work, right?" "You got to do nothing!" "All you got to do is take a dip in cold water" "After that, you got to grovel in the temple... that's it lf that could help get babies..." "I'd do ten rounds" "Not one... a thousand." " Are you out of your mind...?" "Why this injustice against me?" " Chander!" "I have an appointment..." " Come on, Chander... come" "Listen to me, Jassi." "Darling, hear me out..." "Come... take a nice cold dip." " First let's sort it out... and take further action later?" " ln there!" "My clothes... what are you doing?" "Atleast listen to me!" "Hey..." "What...?" " Again" "If wishes were granted like this..." " A thousand times you grovel now" "Hurry..." " You've ruined my clothes" "God must be terribly pleased" "Fold your hands" "Start rolling on the ground." "I'll keep a watch... move it!" "You must be happy that I took a dip in the water...?" "How about some relief?" "Fun, isn't it?" "Who keeps giving women these silly ideas?" "Twins, she wants!" "I'll give her a dozen!" "I know she's danger" "Chander..." "Who are you?" "What do you want?" " l want a blouse stitched lt'll cost you 30 rupees." " Why 30 rupees?" "They charge 20 rupees in the city." " So get it stitched in the city!" "I use the same stuff... so why mustn't I charge as much as they do in the city?" "Quick..." "I don't have the time." "I'm terribly busy" "Yes, I know. I've been here before." "Here you are... 30 rupees" "Give me the measuring tape" "Nice waist..." " What?" "Nothing... 36" "An armband...?" "I mean, for the latest design." "...it's 39" "Take down her name and address, I don't have the time" "My class must've begun" "A very busy tailor indeed." " That's right" "What is your name?" " Radhika" "So what did I say, children...?" " Teacher" "You're late." "Keep standing there" "Arjun picked up the bow..." "Arjun picked up the bow... and aimed at the eye of the fish." " And aimed at the eye of the fish" "How many times will they repeat that?" "Arjun picked up the bow... aimed for the fish's eye and then married Radhika" "Who are you?" " Arjun... I mean, Chander." "A ladies' tailor I wish to meet Radhika." " l'm Radhika" "Please stop joking with me and tell me where Radhika is" "But I'm Radhika." " Yuck!" "How can you be Radhika?" "I wish to see the pretty Radhika" "She can't even slap properly" "What's wrong with your cheek?" "I asked her for the teacher Radhika..." "and she mutilated my face ls she a geography teacher?" "Actually, her name is Radhika and so is mine" "Who lives at Janardhan's?" " That's me" "You?" "The mighty emperor Chandrasen arriveth" "So you're Radhika?" " What business have you with me?" "It's that affair of the mole..." " What?" "I can't understand South Indian..." "could you tell me in Hindi?" "I want some help." " l see... is that all?" "Here you are... is it enough?" " No, not this" "Actually, I wanted tuitions." " l see." "Where are your children?" "That's exactly why I've come here." " What?" "How will I be able to marry an educated girl like you?" "Until I study and become a man of letters... how will I marry you?" "I mean... how will I marry an educated girl like you?" "Don't refuse me... please!" " All right" "Let me think it over." " Thank you" "Listen... give it a thought." "I'll wait outside" "Wait here, children..." "listen..." "Wait, my child." " Let me go!" "Teacher!" " You're back?" "No, I went and brought the blouse I stitched for you" "So soon?" "is this the place to give me the blouse?" "Wouldn't have been nice if I gave it to you in the kids' presence, isn't it?" "Okay... how much?" "30 rupees?" " No, 20 rupees" "That's what the whole town charges." "It's 20 rupees" "Well?" "Why the favour?" "You're not trying to impress me for the tuitions, are you?" "Whose are these two blouses?" " They're for you" "But I asked for one blouse." " l made two" "Why?" " Because you have a great figure" "You want me to tutor you and you don't even have any manners?" "Stupid!" "Idiot!" "I don't even know how to talk to a girl!" "I can hardly be a ladies' tailor!" "Wake up!" "What's up, boss?" "Why're you hitting me?" "Why...?" "Whose cot is this?" " Yours" "Whose bedding...?" "Whose sheets?" " Yours" "So who must sleep here?" " Me" "Damn you, you..." " Why're you hitting me?" "And why this long face?" "I can't take back what I spat out?" "I said something terribly wrong to Radhika... what must I do?" "So what's the problem, boss?" "Teary-eyed, a sorry on your lips... walk straight up to Radhika and lay yourself at her feet" "Say, "Sister, please forgive me."" " Radhika... my sister?" "No..." "I mean, just say, "Please forgive me, madam"" "To forgive is the virtue of Indian women, boss!" "Pyare, my dear man!" "You've won over my heart!" "You've been working with me ever since we were kids... but today, I must give you something." " Hurry up, boss." "Give it to me" "Henceforth, I shall talk to you with respect." "Let's hug, my friend" "Go to sleep. I'll finish that unfinished business and return" "Jeeva... it's so many days since I had a serious chat with you" "Well?" "Something wrong?" " No... I've been thinking for a few days..." " What?" "Tell me, brother" "You've served me all your life. lt's time you thought of your own future I want you to marry and settle down" "How can you say such a thing, brother?" "How will I settle down!" "Forget about me." "Once Gauri is married... I will think I have achieved everything" "But who will marry Gauri?" " God will set everything right, brother" "Yes, that's true lsn't that Chander...?" "Hey Chander... come here" "What are you doing here at this late hour?" "That..." " What?" "That nightie..." " Nightie?" "I was going for a night-walk." " Night-walk?" "At this hour?" "I just felt like it..." " Mustn't have digested his food..." "No, I've digested every bit of it." "I'll go to bed now" "Sleep well, of you'll get acidity" "He's quite a smart alec" "Wait here... wait!" "Chander... hey Chander... where has he gone?" "Wake up!" "Get up... where's your old man?" "Your boss?" "I've lost a thousand bucks because of him... and Jeeva still isn't satisfied." " Bloody demon?" "Never mind... now tell me who's going to pay me back?" "Write it down in the accounts." " Accounts!" "To go bust myself!" "What's Gauri doing here at this hour?" " She drops by at any time" "Pyare, that white ghost hasn't appeared in the sky today" "Let's go and call it, Pyare." " White ghost?" "She's talking about the moon." " lf she calls the moon a ghost... so what will she call me?" " A white fly!" "And how I love to swat a white fly!" "What are you doing...?" " Wait" "Have you gone mad?" "He's finished" "Let's go, Pyare." "Else, the white ghost will start sulking" "Let's go... c'mon" "Hey kids..." "I'm going to play with you!" "Let's see who defeats whom!" "Run, I say..." "Give this note to teacher Radhika" "Who gave this?" " l don't know, madam" "Go and call him here." " l'm already here... hello, madam" "What is this?" " A love-letter" "What?" " l mean... a letter of regret I made a mistake yesterday." "So I thought I'd write to you and apologise I'm sorry, teacher." " What fowl-scratch is this...?" "I'm an orphan, nobody taught me." "Who would teach an orphan anyway?" "All right." "But what is this?" " Hello, teacher..." "Spelling, grammar... nothing is right, nothing is connected to anything else!" "There are mistakes everywhere!" "You can't even write your own name" "Look at this... you wrote Chaddar instead of Chander" "You didn't use the N in Chander for a button, did you?" "That's exactly why I was requesting you for private tuitions" "All right." "You may come from tomorrow" "But behave like a good student" "Greetings." " What the hell...?" "What joke is this?" "Have you quit tailoring and joined a circus?" "An illiterate man is as good as a beast" "That's right." " That's why Radhika..." "Radhika?" " l mean, teacher Radhika will tutor me" "She is quite strict. lf I don't wear a uniform, the private tuition..." "Private tuition?" " The tuition is public" "But she wants to keep it private." "So I mustn't be late" "May I...?" "If I'm late, she'll cane me." " Go on" "Let him go, Jeeva" "Jeeva, keep an eye on him." " Brother... I'll keep an eagle-eye on him" "Chander..." " Yes...?" "What are you watching?" " Looking for the mole" "What...?" " l was dusting it" "No need." "What are you wearing?" "School uniform, teacher lt'll do for today, but make sure you wear regular clothes from tomorrow" "All right." " Sit down" "How far have you studied?" " Me...?" "I failed once in class one, twice in class two... thrice in class three, four times in class four and once in class five I see." "Why once in class five?" " l quit school afterwards" "Quit?" "Fair enough" "You've studied till class five, you must know something at least" "A poem, or a patriotic song?" " l know a patriotic song" "Let's hear it" "I have made up my mind to give up my life" "Let me take on the mole now" "Not a mole, it's enemy." " Oh yes I got a mole problem." " What?" "Nothing" "You are a ladies' tailor, so you must be adept in maths" "Of course. I know half the multiplication of twelve" "Half?" "Curse my luck." "Let's hear" "12 x 1 = 12, 12 x 2 = 36 12 x 3 = 24, 12 x 4 = 36, 36 x 5 = 24" "Enough. ls that multiplication?" "Or someone's measurement?" "Teacher, I'm a ladies' tailor, so I know 24 and 36 quite well" "Can't get it out of my mind." " You don't know a patriotic song... you don't remember multiplication either." "What have you studied then?" "Film magazines." " What?" "Film magazines." "The Lover Will Take The Mole Away..." "My Mole ls With You, Mole is Mad..." "What the mole...?" "All right, take this book" "You will learn the first five chapters before coming here tomorrow" "Right." " lf you fail to do the homework... no more tuitions for you." "And you'd better keep your moles at home" "Take it." " The moles have ruined me" "May I say something?" " Yes" "We are teacher and student, we share a relationship, you see" "So please don't be formal." "It sounds old-fashioned" "Let's be casual with each other I know it's a private tuition for you, Chander" "But I don't intend to make it too private" "Go on, and come on time tomorrow." " Goodbye, teacher" "I'm immersing your ashes." " What...?" "Pebbles" "What are you doing here, Flora?" " l want to stitch a wedding suit... for my future husband I'm saved!" "Who's the unfortunate one?" " Silly." "You are the one" "How unfortunate" "How's my wedding necklace?" " Oh, it's gold" "How is it?" " How'd I know?" "I'm not a goldsmith I'm a tailor" "Do girls in your caste wear the wedding necklace before marriage?" "Not at all. I'll wear it after the wedding" "You mean you are also getting married?" " Yes I'm also marrying." " Both of you are getting married" "Are you playing "wedding-wedding"?" " Chander!" "I've been looking for you" "Chander welcomes you" "The celestial beauties are here, but you were missing." "Please come" "Careful with your dress." " Chander, father says... there's no auspicious date for a wedding this month" "O Goddess, what will happen to me?" "Chander, please find an auspicious date" "Gayatri, why will Chander find an auspicious date for you?" "Why not?" "Who else will find it?" "He is my..." "Her idol." "The smartest of all, the best... well mannered and of good character." "Right?" "Chander, try the wedding suit after it's stitched" "Why would Chander wear it?" " Well... the size..." "Flora's husband's and my size is the same" "Gayatri, stitch a wedding suit for your future husband too" "Chander..." " Sure, go ahead I'll also stitch one for my husband." " What...?" "Look, for a wedding suit, you don't need a suit, you need love" "Right, Gayatri?" "Chander, I'm Jassi." " l'm Gayatri" "Gayatri, Flora, Jassi, what a terrible mixture!" "You know what happens to the sugarcane when it is juiced?" "That's my case now" "What...?" "Where's he?" " Where?" "Guru...?" "What happened?" " How did he land here?" "I'm thinking of suicide." " Sure, but after you return my money I'm thinking of killing myself and he's worried about his money lf Gayatri, Flora and Jassi find out that I'm conning all of them... then Janardhan bhai..." "I'll lose my limbs" "But why should I be afraid?" " You should be afraid" "Because he cuts off the hands and legs." " How many times will he cut?" "He'll cut his hands, my foot!" "is he practicing for the Olympics?" "Listen..." "I got an idea" "How long?" " Don't disturb" "Janardhan bhai is here." " What are you doing here?" "Janardhan bhai is here." " Not yet time for your entry" "After a while." "Don't disturb now" "Let me see..." "Radhika!" "How dare you take your teacher's name?" "I'll fix you" "You are not the real Radhika!" " Radhika would cane you" "All right" "Ms Radhika, show me the mole, please" "No moles." "Will a wart do?" " Oh no!" "I want a mole... right here" "Here?" "Let me ask brother Janardhan" "Janardhan bhai is here." " Gosh!" "Not yet time, ass" "Damn!" " Get lost!" "You're ruining everything" "FTV, I'll whack you if you do it again" "Come here" "Radhika..." "Radhika... I love you dearly, Radhika" "Love me as much as you will." "I have no problems, I'm shameless" "Come into my arms." " Radhika, show me the mole" "Let two hearts meet." " You want to see the mole?" "Hang on" "is that what you call a mole?" "Forget it and listen" "Radhika, can I kiss you?" " Go ahead, but don't bite me I'm not Janardhan bhai." " Who talks of carving here?" "Now don't stop me!" "I'm already in the frame now" "He's trying to teach Janardhan bhai, dammit!" "I'm going to fix this swine!" "Janardhan!" "If someone is in love, what the hell's your problem?" "Radhika, reason with him." "He's taking on Janardhan bhai!" "Who is this?" " l'm Jeeva" "Here's my Jeeva." " ls he Jeeva?" "Bloody autumn leaf!" "I'm going to gouge your eyes out" "One minute... one minute!" "I expected sweets at the interval, but I'm being thrashed here" "Why are you hitting me?" "Radhika, you too?" "I'm just joining the fun" "This swine touched Radhika!" "How dare he?" "What the hell are you doing, Jeeva?" "Why are you hitting me?" " Damn you guys!" "Bloody thug!" "And that's your flunkey!" "A family of dog shit!" "You are cowdung and he's the worm on you ls he a worm?" "I quit this act I was trying to help you guys out, but it's no good" "You guys are thrashing me." "I'm not playing with you" "Greetings, bro." " Greetings" "What are you doing here?" "What happened?" " What not!" "You have no idea what's going on behind your back lf you find out, it'll be destruction everywhere" "Just follow me." " Where to?" "I beg of you, please come with me." " l have to go" "Please!" "Once." " Let's go" "Janardhan!" "Bloody freeloader" "You've turned into a bloody bull" "Bloody ape!" "Do the sit-ups" "One... two..." "And look here, Janardhan!" "Fall at my feet" "See?" "Isn't he afraid of me?" "Janardhan!" " Janardhan bhai...?" "Get this clear, Janardhan!" "I'm going to romance right before you" "And whoever is with Janardhan..." "Jeeva or Sheeba... I'll blacken his face and parade him round the colony on a donkey" "Radhika, why aren't you cooperating?" "Vanished!" "Where will you run away?" ""l'll make every night of yours explosive"" ""Come with the palanquin, marry me"" ""Don't con me, don't try to bewitch me..."" ""l'm happy as a bachelor!" "My house would rather be empty"" ""My heart is restless, it's euphoric"" ""Take me in your arms, let me be at peace"" ""l'm a fish out of water without you"" ""Every moment I pine"" ""Come to me, my love"" ""Else, I'll kill myself"" ""You'd rather go to the forest and kill yourself"" ""l'm happy as a bachelor, my house would rather be empty"" ""l'll make every night of yours explosive"" ""Come with the palanquin, marry me"" ""O my bottle of glucose..."" ""you need a shot of love"" ""Come to me, honey"" ""Let's enjoy for years to come"" ""This sweet talk is a tonic, your love is a drug"" ""l'm happy as a bachelor, my house would rather be empty"" ""l'll make every night of yours explosive"" ""Come with the palanquin, marry me"" ""You are my sweetmeat"" ""Come, let's romance in public"" ""l love you"" ""Tell me, when will you marry me?"" ""An astrologer told me that..."" ""my husband will be a tailor"" ""To hell with the astrologer!" "Burn that horoscope"" ""l'm happy as a bachelor, my house would rather be empty"" ""l'll make every night of yours explosive"" ""Come with the palanquin, marry me"" "Damn!" " Charlie Chaplin, come here" "is the job done?" " Of course" "You said it, I did it." " Show me the picture" "Hurry up" "Fantastic" "Will you do me a favour?" " Command me" "What do you call that... track...?" " Trick photography" "Right." "Do that." "Put FTV in place of Chander." "Will you?" "I will." "But I photograph the dead." " Jerk!" "If you don't do this... you will be dead and I'll click your picture I will!" "Damn!" " Come here, fatso" "Praise the Lord." " l don't get to see you" "Are you cross with me, FTV?" " What are you saying?" "I got a gift for you." " For me?" "Want to check your photo?" " Photo?" "Mine?" "Check it out" "How's that?" "Like it?" " Ruined" "Like the special effects, don't you?" "Lmagine. lf brother finds out about your romantic escapades... you will soon be begging." "How would that be?" "Why must you ruin a poor man?" "I won't ruin you, just relieve yourself of a few bucks" "Sure, take all that I have" "Here... here's more" "Teacher!" "I'm here I'm here." " Did you learn something?" "I have done all the homework." " What did you learn?" "The lesson on the moon." " l see" "Tell me, how far is the moon from the earth?" "A foot" "Chander, I'm talking about studies." "Be serious" "You didn't even learn this much." "Tell me, do you know English?" "Yes, I studied it." " Let's hear" "A for Apple, C for Chander, R for Radhika..." "M for Mole, F for Finding still" "Mole?" "Not again!" "Didn't I tell you to get rid of your mole?" "I'm tired of you." "Sit down, let me teach you a new lesson" "Oh no, no lessons, today I'm here to pay my fees" "Fees?" " You teach me everyday I'll teach you itching today" "Not itching, it's stitching" "Exactly." "Come on, it'll be fun" "Listen..." " Please come" "Here's where my grandfather passed on tailoring to my dad and my dad to me I see." " And today I will teach you" "Adam used this very sewing machine to stitch a dress made of leaves for Eve" "Adam was stitching..." "while Eve was sitting here like this" "And the history of tailoring was created ln Harappa and Mohenjo-Daro the first to be stitched was a 7 feet saree... which could fit into a matchbox, including a matching blouse" "Mr Chander, for your information, a saree is not stitched, it's woven" "Who is the teacher?" "I am." "Who is the student?" "You are" "So you'll have to listen to whatever I say." "So I say... there are different types of tailors." "In the past, tailors who stitched... for the gods were a different kind, so were the tailors... who stitched skimpy clothes for the celestial beauties" "And nowadays, those who make complex, invisible clothes for the heroines... are called costume designers." "But they too are..." "Ladies' tailors, right?" " Right." "You got it right now" "So I was saying, Adam and Eve wore clothes made of leaves... but the cows and goats started chewing into them." "Problem" "That's when humans invented cloth" "Men wore shirts and trousers while women wore salwar kameez" "But salwar kameez is modern fashion." " Hush" "Who's the teacher?" "Well, I'd spare you the cane" "When women started wearing salwar kameez, it was a loss to me" "How come?" " lt hid the moles" "Mole?" " l mean, let's start the training" "Why do I need to learn sewing?" " Why do you need to learn sewing?" "How could you even think of it?" "In movies, after her husband's death... the widow resorts to sewing to feed herself and her children" "The children grow up." "One becomes a cop, another becomes a bandit" "And when the two come to war, the mother intervenes and yells..." ""My sons, don't spill each other's blood"" ""l have sweat blood sewing clothes to raise the two of you"" "So you see, it's sewing all the way!" "Even the politicians... distribute sewing machines to the widows to gain votes" "And you say you don't need training?" " Enough." "Stop it now" "Won't you teach me sewing?" " Oh yes, sewing..." "I'll teach you" "How much for a dozen bangles?" " Eighteen bucks a dozen" "Jassi, when is your wedding?" " l'm planning it next month" "I'm also planning to marry next month." " Which means, next month... the priest's throat is going to go hoarse... screaming ls your fiance a yoga teacher, Jassi?" "Or a body builder?" "You tell me about your fiance first." "is he a doctor or an actor?" "He's neither a doctor nor an actor" "He is Amitabh's friend" "When he starts talking, he's like a sewing machine... never stops" "Now you tell me." " What do I say?" "He's a true magician." "No wonder I'm bewitched" "What about your man?" "My man...?" "My man is a first rate thief" "Thief?" " Yes." "He has stolen my heart" "Why?" "is he Lord Krishna?" " Lord Krishna?" "Oh no, he is..." " Please hurry up lt's time to shut shop." "Hurry up lt was tough fixing the wedding and he's worried about his shop" "Show me red bangles." "He loves red" "Red ones for me too, even he loves red" "My husband too loves red." "Give me red bangles" "Which means the favourite colour of our beaus is red" "Looks like they are brothers" "Teacher" "New dress?" " lt's my birthday" "Birthday?" "Happy birthday to you." " Thank you" "What gift do you want?" "A new lesson?" "Not on my birthday, please!" "Give me 500 bucks, I'll give you a treat" "Why?" "It's your birthday, why should I give you 500 bucks?" "Taking money from women augurs good." " l'm not giving you any money I'd rather give you a gift." " Shut your eyes, I'll give you a gift" "What will you give?" " Close your eyes, please" "Why?" " lf you don't like it, return it" "Close your eyes" "Chander!" "How dare you?" "Get out!" "I'm telling brother Janardhan about this" ""Please forgive me, forget it"" ""Please don't be cross"" ""l won't forgive you, try a thousand ruses if you want"" ""For what has gone out of hands..."" ""don't try to make up"" ""Forgive me!" "Forget it, please"" ""A for Ashiq, Lover, B for Bechara, Poor Guy..."" ""C for Chahat, Love"" ""D for Danda, Cane, E for Eshara, Sign..."" ""F for Full-Stop right here"" ""G H I J K L M N O P Q R..."" ""S for Sorry"" ""Please forgive me, forget it"" ""Don't be cross"" ""One, two, I love you!" "Three, four, I'm sore"" ""Five six, I'm in a fix"" ""Seven, eight, nine, you are not mine"" ""Try again"" ""Let me tell you, you belong to me, my love"" ""l see"" ""Please forgive me, forget it"" ""Please don't be cross"" "Bless you" "Here you are" "Jassi, you look very happy" "Well actually, priest, I'm thinking of getting married" "You are fortunate, dear" "Next Sunday is an auspicious day." " What!" "A confluence that occurs once in fifty years lf you marry on that day, you will rule in your husband's heart" "You will never lack anything." "May you have a happy marital life" "Chander!" " Who the hell!" "I'm elated today." "Know what?" "The priest has fixed next Sunday as our wedding date" "Our wedding?" " Yes" "So soon...?" "How can we organise everything so soon?" "You mustn't believe these priests" "They con people in broad daylight." "Don't get into all that mess" "What are you saying?" "Has the priest ever gone wrong?" "Never, isn't it?" "So this is also going to be true" "All right, I'll move now." "Got to prepare for the wedding" "Okay?" "And yes, make sure you invite all your relatives I don't know if I'll marry her" "But I fear, on the auspicious day, Janardhan will make mincemeat out of me" "Help!" " lt's me." "Gayatri" "Oh, it's you!" "I thought it's a python coiled around a sandalwood tree I'm here to curl around you." "Know what?" "The priest says... coming Sunday is an auspicious day I tell you, let's get married" "This occasion is occurring after fifty years" "And you want us to get married?" " Yes" "We haven't even seen each other well nor have we romanced." "No, not so soon!" "Romance after marriage." "No romance..." "I just want to marry I'm going to tell father about it." "Just prepare for the wedding." "Bye" "But..." " No buts. I'll be back I'll be saved if I get rid of these girls" "God..." " Chander!" "Listen, Chander..." "Coming Sunday is an auspicious day for wedding ln that case, we should get married." " Get married?" "How can we marry?" "You are Catholic, I'm Hindu, our gods are different lf they clash, there'll be a war" "Silly!" "After marriage, I'll convert to Hinduism I have to make preparations for the wedding" "Another thing." "You must invite Amitji." " l won't..." "I will I will invite the entire film industry." "Damn, this auspicious day is ruining me" "You are here?" "I've been looking for you everywhere" "The colony is burning." "Fire everywhere." " What?" "Wedding is happening" "You are too much." " The priest says... the coming Sunday is very auspicious" "Anyone who marries, will be happy forever." "The couple will receive heaven" "Really?" " Yes" "But I don't believe in all that." "I don't know about destiny I believe only in deeds" "Don't you bathe in contaminated water?" "Never." "Do you bathe?" " l never bathe in any case" "Forget it." "Tell me something." "Are you marrying?" "Whom?" "You" "Me?" "Marry?" "It's not possible, Chander." "I haven't told you something I'm going to the city tomorrow." " What...?" "No!" "I'm going with you." " With me?" "To the city?" "What will you do in the city, Chander?" " l'll set up a tailoring shop" "You teach, while I'll stitch." "Trust me... I'll treat you like a princess, Ms Radhika" "Please don't turn me down." "Please" "All right, give me some time to think." " No, don't think" "Tell me right now" "All right." " Thank you" "I'll come tomorrow" "Thank you" "It's mine." "Give it to me. lt's mine" "Gauri!" "What happened to my Gauri?" "Girls, what happened to her?" " No idea" "Good Lord!" "If brother finds out, he'll kill me" "Move" "Praise the Lord" "What's the matter, doctor?" "Jeeva..." "Gauri is pregnant." " What are you saying?" "Pregnant?" "Good Lord" "It must be that swine Chander" "What's Chander got to do with Gauri?" " Really?" "You have no idea, doctor" "Chander promised to marry you, right?" " Right" "The swine has also promised to marry Jassi and Gayatri" "Now he is after Radhika teacher." " No, it can't be lt's a lie." " Truth or lies, you'll find out soon" ""l'm leaving, I've become a stranger here"" ""l'm leaving my land, I've become a stranger here"" "I'm leaving the colony" "Jeeva, how did this happen when you were around?" "You are responsible for Gauri's plight." " No, brother I never failed in my duties." "But that swine Chander!" "He pulled wool over my eyes!" " Enough" "Bring Chander over." " Right away" "Bye, everyone." "I'm divorcing all of you" "FTV!" "Good you came." "I got good news" "Forget it." "Take cover first." " What for?" "Janardhan and Jeeva are coming for you" "What have I done?" " Gauri is pregnant" "And everyone thinks that you are behind it" "Am I?" "What have I done?" " No time to argue." "Move it" "Bastard!" "Get up!" "I didn't... I didn't do anything." " No one in this colony... dares to eye my family" "But you... my family?" "My family?" " No I did nothing." " Nothing?" "I did nothing." " Nothing?" "I didn't do anything" "You won't be worthy of doing anything anymore" "Bastard!" "How dare you do that to my sister?" "My sister, eh?" "Didn't you find anyone else in the village, damn you?" "Didn't you pity a mad girl?" "Didn't you pity her?" "Swine" "No... no" "Brother, here... cut his hands off" "Stop, brother Janardhan" "Not Chander." "Pyare is the one" "Forgive me, Janardhan bhai." "Please" "Guru is not at fault" "I committed the mistake." "Forgive me" "Please forgive me." " Forgive you?" "Swine, I'll slit your throat and hang your head up on the village square" "Brother, hold back your hands" "Or, you will regret lf you kill him, what'll happen to Gauri?" "What more is there to happen?" " Brother... if Gauri's child asks you about his father in future... what will you tell him?" "Pyare wants to marry Gauri" "For the sake of good, get them married" "Don't harbour so much hatred against him, brother" "Or, you'd tend to ignore Gauri" "Put back the sword, brother" "They need your blessings." "Please get them married" "Radhika is right, brother" "Forgive Pyare" "And get them married" "You desired to see her married, right?" "It was your dream" "Consider it God's will and accept it" "Forgive him, brother" "Chander, your innocence drew me closer to you" "But I think I was mistaken about you" "You believed an astrologer and played with the sentiments of three women I will never forget you." "If you want to apologise... apologise to them." " No, sister Radhika" "Chander is not at fault I have nothing against Chander anymore" "Chander is a nice man." "He had many opportunities... to take undue advantage of me, but he never did anything... that'd put me to shame" "Chander never took advantage of me either ln fact, I owe my life to him" "Ms Radhika, Chander could've gone to any extent, had he wished" "But he didn't" "Didn't he promise to marry you girls?" "Yes, he did." "But we now know why he promised to marry us" "Chander, do you realise what relying on fortune leads to?" "Instead of deeds and hardwork... you believed your horoscope" "Even I believe in destiny, but it's our actions that bear fruits" "Because, as you sow so you reap I have wronged you, in words and deeds" "Please forgive me" "The bus is here." "Come on" "The bus is here" "Tonight I'm elated" "Tonight is my nuptial-night" "A cane?" "You should've brought some milk for me" "Don't play teacher here" "Forgive me, you look terrific." " Thank you I'm worried about you." " Really?" "What's wrong with me?" "You wanted to marry a girl with a mole and get rich, right?" "I have found her." " l don't have a mole" "What...?" "Then who was the girl that he saw?" " How'd I know?" "Dammit!" "I wanted a girl with a mole to become a king" "And the one who found her..." "she made an ass out of him"