"(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)" "Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm." "Mmm?" "Mmm-mmm." "Mmm." "Mmm!" "Mmm-hmm?" "Mmm." "Mmm-mmm!" "* Tell me why I love you like I do" "* Tell me who can stop my heart as much as you" "* Let's take each other's hand" "* As we jump into the final frontier" "* I'm mad about you, baby" "* Yeah!" "All right, Murray, one little last tweak here, and you are going to hear something that you've never heard before." "And I understand that your people hear everything." "(JET SONG FROM WEST SIDE STORY PLAYING)" "(DOORBELL BUZZES) Huh?" "Did I tell you?" "Oh, man, I'm so tired of this guy." "It's not even loud." "I beg to differ." "What?" "Do you mind?" "Yes." "Yes, I mind." "Well, so do I." "(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Well, there you go." "It's just common courtesy." "I didn't hear you." "I said, "Hold the door," clear as a bell." "I practically shouted." "Well, excuse my common American manners." "Honey, could you turn it down a little bit?" "You know, you people are really starting to get up my nose." "What manners?" "What, are you guys looking for a rumble?" "(DOGS BARKING) Well, at least your dogs get along." "Murray." "Wow!" "Murray." "Sophie!" "You two stop that right away!" "See, I don't even think this is loud." "(MOTOR WHIRS)" "All right." "See that, Murray?" "We got..." "You got your carrots for your eyes, orange for, uh, for the scurvy, and uh, bananas, frankly, 'cause we have bananas." "There we go." "To the dogs overseas." "Wow." "Hey, I made you something." "Were you using the juicer?" "So?" "You knew I was using the blow-dryer." "So?" "So what happens when we use the juicer and the blow-dryer at the same time?" "Circuit?" "Circuit." "Seriously, taste this." "No." "I thought..." "I thought it's the toaster and the blow-dryer." "No, it's the toaster and the popcorn maker." "Right." "Why would we ever make toast and popcorn at the same time?" "I don't know." "Mardi Gras." "I'm just saying, If you hear..." "I got it." "I got it." "I don't understand how they expect this building to go co-op if nothing ever works right." "Who says we're going co-op?" "I heard." "I heard it around the building." "From whom?" "We never talk to anyone." "What did you say, "From whom?"" "What is it with you and the "whom" thing?" "You talk your way, I'll talk right." "I talk right." "We're certainly not buying it unless they fix the floor." "It's not slanty." "Fine." "Would you want to buy it?" "I don't know." "Depends, do you think we could we afford it?" "Well, let's say we could." "Well, as long as we're saying, could I be taller, too?" "No, I just never thought of here as forever." "Did you?" "(DOORBELL BUZZES) Ow!" "Boy, new rule." "Nobody rings our bell when I'm fixing this thing." "(DOORBELL BUZZES)" "Stop it." "What, people don't know how to knock?" "It's like a lost art." "Hi." "Hi." "What did we do now?" "Oh, fair enough." "May we come in?" "Uh, yeah, I guess." "Oh, look, darling, there's Murray." "(GROWLS) Hello, pooch." "Well, uh, down to business." "The two of us have been feeling just terrible about that tiff we had the other week." "Dreadful." "After all, it's not your fault that you didn't hear me at the elevator." "I do tend to mumble." "All the time." "All the time." "Yes." "It's like living with a brook." "The point is, that somehow we seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot." "And since we all have to live together, we were thinking, why not get off on the right foot?" "Right." "Well, thank you." "That's" " That's very nice." "Do you want to sit down?" "Thank you." "Would you like some coffee or something?" "Lovely." "A little couch area for you." "Okay." "What are you doing in here?" "What are they doing out there?" "Go entertain them." "Why didn't you tell me I had stupid things in my head?" "I thought it was on purpose." "I don't get it." "I don't get it at all." "We have olives and mayonnaise" "Honey, they're British." "They eat blood pudding." "What, are they going to complain?" "Would you please go make an effort?" "Why?" "Because I like them." "You don't like them." "You can't stand it when somebody doesn't like you." "Oh, that's not true." "Who called immigration to make sure their papers were in order?" "Well, maybe I've finally won them over." "Yeah." "Oh." "Wow." "It's only a little bit larger than our place." "Well, if we can get their co-op rights and break through the bedroom wall, we can have both." "Is this floor slanted?" "Doesn't appear slanted." "I believe it is." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Yes." "Darling." "Darling." "Darling." "Hold this." "JAMIE:" "It looks like we're out of everything!" "Unless you guys want some fresh juice?" "Never mind." "Perhaps some other time." "Okay, unless you'd like to go out and get some lunch." "Well, actually, we..." "Need to take Sophie for her exercise." "All right, well, that's okay." "Perfect." "We'll take the dogs to the park and then we'll grab a bite." "Why not?" "Because, Hal, darling, the movie." "Oh, damn!" "Rotten luck." "That's okay." "(STUTTERING) What movie?" "Uh, Choclat Noye Bechenye." "The Russian thing." "That's okay." "Unless, of course, you'd like to come." "No, seriously, th-that's really okay." "Great!" "I'll order the tickets by phone, we'll make a day of it." "How was I supposed to know they wanted to see Choclat Noye Bechenye?" "God knows I don't." "Here they come." "Just keep thinking closet space." "Good news." "The tickets are all charged and waiting." "Splendid." "Aw, don't they look cute together?" "Yes." "Hey, kids." "Hey, Mr. Wicker." "Wicker." "So, let me ask you this." "How come you guys always..." "You always call people "governor"?" "What is that about?" "I got that information for you, Mr. Conway." "Oh, I never requested..." "If the place does go co-op, you'll have to get an approval before you start knocking down walls." "Okie-dokie." "Thank you." "What walls?" "Yes, that's an interesting question, Paul." "Darling, why do we call people "governor"?" "What walls?" "The walls between your apartments." "He's gone mad." "Stop the elevator." "I told you." "You were absolutely right." "Look, let me make this up to you with this more than generous offer to buy your apartment." "It is, of course, contingent on the building going co-op." "We wouldn't sell it to you no matter how much the offer." "Actually, honey, you might want to take a look at this figure." "Just look at the figure." "I'm not looking at it." "Stupid sconeheads." "Just look at the figure." "I'm not looking at it." "All right, fine." "Where is Ira?" "Why would Ira want to see Choclat Noye Bechenye?" "'Cause I told him things blow up." "Just look at the figure." "I'm not..." "Wow!" "See?" "SYLVIA:" "Paulie." "What the hell is the matter with him?" "Hey." "Hi." "Ma, hi." "Hi." "Honey..." "Yeah." "Move down." "It'll be easier." "This is your date?" "Next time give me notice." "These are the seats you found?" "What is wrong with these seats?" "Nothing." "I'm saying, you're a filmmaker." "I don't understand." "What do you..." "Have some Milk Duds." "You don't need that." "Then why else would I buy them?" "I brought grapes." "Grapes." "So what's new?" "Nothing." "Nothing." "Everything's a secret." "Hey, you heard anything more about that co-op rumor?" "No." "Oh, your place is going co-op?" "No, we don't know for sure." "Maybe." "Well, a perfect apartment just became available in our building." "Wouldn't that be nice?" "Look, the movie's starting." "We'll talk later." "All right." "Excuse me." "Hey." "(WHIMPERING)" "Hey, don't fall for her, Murray." "She just wants you for your wall." "HAL:" "I heard that!" "Good!" "HAL:" "If you and your dog can't be quiet, I'll have to ring the landlord!" "Hey, ring this, pal." "Let me tell you something." "We see you." "We hear you." "You're not fooling anybody." "Why are you taunting the dresser?" "He started." "He's" " He's yelling through the wall." "He's..." "Through our wall." "Which he will never have." "Yes." "Not unless he ups that offer." "Even if he does, forget it." "No." "He insulted our dog." "No." "Now it's personal." "(TELEPHONE RINGING)" "MAGGIE:" "Hello?" "Yes, Doctor?" "Oh, my God!" "Hey, hey!" "Pipe down in there!" "Look at this." "We're trying to sleep, they're getting phone calls." "(TELEPHONE RINGS)" "If that's for them, too, I'm gonna be really upset." "Yo." "Hi, Ma." "No, it's..." "I'm sure it's a great apartment, but you know what?" "It doesn't..." "It doesn't fit into our plans." "We do so have plans." "You know, why don't we talk about it tomorrow, okay?" "(STUTTERING) I'm saying we'll talk about it tomorrow." "All right, call me-- call me tomorrow." "All right." "Good night." "Don't answer the phone tomorrow." "Would you stop looking at that offer?" "We could buy a house." "Where would we buy a house?" "Wherever." "How about Lake Ronkonkoma?" "Do you want to live at Lake Ronkonkoma?" "Not so much." "I just love saying Lake Ronkonkoma." "I just think it would be nice to have a home." "What, this-- this is not a home to you?" "Yeah, it's where we live." "Well, that's..." "That's a home." "Not like that." "Like what?" "You know, like, where you have birthdays and Thanksgiving and watching I Love Lucy and when you get home from school and sneaking cigarettes in your room and everywhere you look there's something to remember." "7:00?" "Quarter of." "Do you know what I mean?" "Huh?" "Yeah, oh, absolutely." "I know what you mean." "I can't believe my mother kept my Milk Duds." "All right." "You're on my hair." "You're on my hair." "You're on my hair." "What?" "I'm sorry." "Sorry." "(MOANS)" "Sweetie?" "What?" "Roughly speaking, how many dogs do we have?" "One." "That's what I thought." "Look." "How did she get in here?" "Murray, did you leave a key under the mat?" "Take her back." "All right." "Maybe they're trying to frame us for dognapping." "You think?" "It's like living next door to the Macbeths." "Sophie, this is nothing personal." "There." "Knock." "Knock." "You call yourself a show dog?" "Okay, okay, okay, okay." "Yes?" "Huh?" "Oh, hi." "Good morning." "Haven't you people caused enough problems?" "Excuse me, we woke up..." "What did we do?" "Oh, my poor baby." "Are you all right?" "Really, she's fine." "She's not fine." "She's pregnant." "You happy now?" "What's the matter with you?" "(WHIMPERS)" "(WHIMPERS)" "We put a divider here, we could make this a living room and dining room." "It is a living room and dining room." "No, it's a living room and dining room." "We could make it a living room and dining room." "I see." "Just think, if we're going to stay here, we should try to make it a home." "Home." "Home and whom." "You got, like, a whole thing going." "Home and whom." "Next thing we start making ham and hummus." "What happened to Lake Ronkonkoma?" "The schools were... (TELEPHONE RINGS)" "BOTH:" "No, don't answer that." "PAUL:" "Hi, we're out." "Leave a message and we'll call you back." "(BEEPS)" "SYLVIA:" "Paul, it's your mother." "Are you home?" "Did I mention the view here?" "The river and the park." "Call me." "Klondike 5-4329." "You would think after four weeks you would get the hint." "We're not interested!" "So tell her." "I just did." "I think you should move." "Really?" "Yeah, then I could buy this place." "With what?" "I'd pay you back." "(DOORBELL BUZZES)" "Would you get that?" "Anyway, it's not even for sure that it's going co-op." "Rumor is, it's still just a rumor." "According to whom?" "To who." "What..." "Look what you started here." "Hey." "Hey." "We went to the home store." "Shelf paper up the wazoo." "Well, we're just going to do the shelves, but thank you anyway." "Is it homey?" "Homey and washable." "(BARKS)" "Hey, I told you." "You're not gonna see her anymore." "JAMIE:" "Honey, where's he going now?" "Murray, what are you..." "Hey, Murray." "Where is he?" "Murray." "Murray, come on." "Sophie." "Come here." "Come here." "Maybe we're being unreasonable." "Hey, they started it." "I know." "Do you think it's a coincidence they have to flush every time I'm taking a shower?" "We're going to start in the kitchen." "All right." "Ira and I will be here in the living room and dining room." "Hey, how far along is Sophie?" "Any day now." "Can I have a puppy?" "You realize she'll probably have to give up her career." "Only till the puppies are grown." "No, I hear one litter ruins a show dog's value forever." "Can I have a puppy?" "That's awful." "Well, she had a career, and now she has her family." "She's doing better than I am." "Oh, come on." "You're doing much better than Sophie." "Do you really think?" "Can I have a puppy?" "No." "Can I?" "I don't..." "I don't even think we have a say in the matter with the puppy." "What, you want a puppy?" "Yeah, sure, why not?" "They'd probably make a great mix." "Sophie and Murray?" "How do you figure that?" "Come on, Sophie's a show dog." "Classy, sophisticated, smart." "Murray's a big, good-natured slob." "It would be like if you two had kids." "Thank you." "Thank you." "(TELEPHONE RINGS)" "No, no, no, no!" "Don't answer that!" "PAUL:" "Hi, we're out." "Leave a message and we'll call you back." "(BEEPS)" "SYLVIA:" "Paul, it's your mother." "Are you home?" "Listen, I got the keys." "Call me." "What's the number, Ma?" "Klondike 5-43" "Sylvia." "Sylvia, hi." "We just walked in the door." "Jamie." "What are you doing?" "You know, we'd love to see it." "Great." "We'll be over around 4:00." "Bye-bye." "It's either that or join the witness protection program." "Did you see the living room?" "Hey, hey, hey." "This place is huge." "Shh!" "So what do you think?" "I don't know, Ma." "I figure you could convert the second bedroom into a nursery, should anybody beside Murray decide to have children." "Did you see the view?" "Wow!" "Wow!" "I mean..." "I mean, if you like that sort of thing, yeah." "I mean, it's so much brighter than your place now." "You'd get the sun all day." "(STUTTERING) That can't be good." "Why not?" "In the summer it would get so hot." "The heat, sure." "There's central air." "Wow, you know what that does to your utility bills?" "That's really true." "Included." "What?" "What?" "The utilities." "They're included." "Yeah, I know, I understand that, but still..." "It's not us, is it?" "Who?" "Your father and me." "Oh, no, no." "No, no, no." "'Cause we're two floors away." "I mean, you'd hardly even know that we were here." "Oh, no, don't be silly." "It's not that at all." "It's just..." "I don't know." "It doesn't..." "It doesn't feel right." "Okay." "It's a great apartment." "It's not that." "It's just..." "Stop." "If it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right." "Yeah?" "Just like that?" "Yeah, look, you're going to build memories." "It's got to feel right." "How else are you going to make a home?" "God, it's really roomy." "I mean, in the sense that you could get lost." "Well, forget about it." "When it's right, you'll know it." "You'll feel it." "How did you and Burt know that your place was right?" "It was 1954." "People knew." "So you're not gonna get upset if we pass on the place?" "What did I just say?" "Okay, all right, all right." "Thank you, Ma." "Thank you." "For what?" "All right." "So come on, let's go." "I'm just worried what this is going to do to your father." "Okay, how about this?" "All righty." "We take that apartment, let the Brits take this, and with the money left over, move your parents somewhere else." "What are you doing?" "Murray, don't." "I'm sorry." "That--That was him." "That was..." "That was him." "I think he's warming up to us." "All right, Murray, come on." "Come on, let's go." "Murray." "Murray, hey, go get the mouse." "Want to go get the mouse?" "Go get the mouse." "You see what he's doing?" "What?" "He's doing what he always does." "He's just doing it over there." "No." "He is taking responsibility for his actions." "That's what you get?" "Look at him." "From lying down, you interpret strong moral fiber?" "I think that we should offer to pay half the vet bills." "He would." "Let him." "All right, so go ahead, knock." "Would you please tell your dog..." "Excuse..." "That, no, that was us." "W-We want to discuss the situation." "I have already told your sister that she can have a puppy." "Is that all?" "No, we want to do our share." "Thank you." "There's no need." "No, we would..." "We would like to, okay?" "Let's..." "We would like to pay half your expenses." "Fine." "We'll take your money." "Are you happy now?" "Well, gee, I'm delirious now." "Yeah, so just, well, send us a bill." "Okay?" "Thank you." "Come on, Murray." "Murray?" "Murray?" "HAL:" "Sophie?" "What have you done now?" "I didn't do..." "You know what?" "Tea and The Beatles." "Ever since then, it's nothing but trouble with you people." "Well, where is she?" "How do I know?" "Probably measuring our bedroom." "Murray?" "Murray?" "Whoa." "Whoa." "Babe, honey, sweetie." "It's..." "I think it's-- I think it's time." "How do you know?" "Oh, if you saw what I just saw, believe me, you would know." "Right..." "Right on my tan sweater." "Perhaps we should call an ambulance." "I'll be all right." "I just..." "I meant..." "I meant for her." "It's time." "It's time." "(STUTTERING) What should we do?" "We should do something." "Well, um..." "Uh, oh..." "I'll call the super." "Maybe we should go in there." "Yes, perhaps we should." "You know, we'd probably be in the way." "You're right." "They're still coming." "Has the water boiled yet?" "There we go." "Oh, thank God." "You three are a big help." "What did you expect?" "Well, it's a boy." "And a boy and a girl and a boy and a boy." "Is everything okay?" "Well, that sweater's seen better days, but everything is okay." "Murray, I think she'd like to see you now." "Mr. Wicker I don't even know what to tip on something like this." "Can I have a puppy?" "Pick of the litter." "Mr. Wicker says they're probably gonna want to stay in here for a couple of days." "It's so small in there." "Do you think they're comfortable?" "Oh, they make a living." "Oh, Sophie's thirsty." "Hey, how many people have this going on, huh?" "This is a pretty nice memory." "A very good start." "Where do you get "start"?" "Come on, what about, like, the time we woke up?" "That big snowstorm?" "Oh, that was terrible." "No, no, no, the other one." "Well, that was nice." "Yeah." "And the New Year's Eve thing." "That was fun." "With the lasagna." "Oh, shut up." "All right, now you see what's..." "HAL: * I'm Henry the eighth, I am" "* Henry the eighth, I am, I am..." "You see what's happening here?" "Home." "Home." "(HAL SCATTING)" "* I'm Henry the eighth, I am" "* Henry the eighth, I am, I am *" "(TOILET FLUSHES)" "(HAL SCREAMS)" "What can I say?" "A grandchild is a grandchild." "(COOS)"