"MAN: (FAINTLY) ...in that special fraternity of courageous men who risk life and limb to explore the stars, and secure peace and freedom the world over." "We are a nation with a tradition of heroism." "MAN:" "Hey, does anybody know where the head is around here?" "...who are with us here tonight... fill that need." "Through their strength of character, their fortitude," "They have proven themselves to be worthy of the appellation... hero." "Tonight we are paying tribute to a breed of men... (LOUD CLATTERING)" "(SHOUTING)" "Where is a guy supposed to take a leak around here?" "Well, damn if we're not balls to the wall of all-American hero types here tonight." "I see space walkers and moon walkers and earth orbiters galore." "And over here we have the current cream of the crop." "America's best and brightest." "That's a good one, eh, boys?" "The most excitement I ever had, was the time I landed a crippled F-14 with a stubborn nose gear on the deck of a rolling flattop in zero visibility." "But you boys... you get to test out these babies." "I envy you." "Gentlemen..." "I salute you." "Shit, I spilled my drink." "(NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE)" "Hey, hey, hey, easy fellows." "Battle conditions, boys?" "Why don't you get yourself a new act, Pendleton, you're a disgrace." "Give that cripple tomcat story a rest because we've all heard it." "Gosh, I'm sorry, Rusty." "Really, you're right." "But at least when my moment of truth came" "I didn't take a dump down the leg of my flight suit." "You, son of a... (GRUNTING)" "Well, come on, boys!" "Isn't this what you always wanted?" "A piece of Tuck Pendleton?" "(ALL SHOUTING)" "Shouldn't the, um..." "Shouldn't the project be de-classified?" "You know I can't tell you that." "(MEN FIGHTING IN BACKGROUND)" "Could you just excuse me?" "I'm sorry." "All right, that's enough!" "That's enough!" "(GRUNTING)" "Hello, Pete." "Where's your uniform?" "Where's your uniform?" "Where yours should've been a long time ago." "Hanging in the closet." "Don't worry, Pete." "The wait is almost over." "Take him home with you." "I'm going to try and hit the couch..." "okay?" "No wait, wait." " Oh!" " (LAUGHING)" "All you had to do was ask, honey." "(GROANING)" "Charming." "You want a drink?" " What is all this?" " Something new I'm involved in." " Rabbits?" " Yeah, wabbits." "You resigned your commission to study rabbits?" "Shit. (GROANS)" " RABBIT:" "Now take it easy." " That's good advice." "You better get some ice on that." " Where are you going?" " I'm leaving." "You're in no shape to drive, Lydia." "Oh, I am in no shape to drive?" "That's really good, Tuck." "You leave me no choice." "♪ (SAM COOKE: "CUPID" PLAYS ON STEREO) ♪" " Not fair." " What is?" " ♪ Straight to your lover's heart ♪" " Don't." "♪ For me ♪" "Oh, come on." "(HORN HONKING)" "Hey, I said to the man on the phone, "Don't honk."" "Lady, all I got was an address, not a book of instructions." "Lydia!" " What is going on here?" " You got any bags?" "No." "You know what's going on here." "You read the note." " Yeah, I read the note." " Good, nice clean break." "Leave everything behind." " I don't live here." " One-nighter?" " Shut up, get back in your cab!" " Shut up, just shut up!" "Yeah, I read the note." "Just standard farewell address." "I know it by heart." " Excuse me." " Lydia." "Look, don't leave." "You know you love me." "Look, I know you're crazy about me." "(LAUGHS)" "I mean... in a week or two," "I'm gonna call you or you're gonna call me," " we're gonna be back together again" " No, we won't!" "I don't get it." "I get a little drunk..." "I make an ass out of myself." " What's the big deal?" " Things are different now, Tuck." "It just hurts me too much to be with you." "Lydia!" "Lydia, I stubbed my toe on the cab when I kicked door." "I think it's broken." "Well, better your toe than your heart." " Can we go now, please?" " Lydia!" "Lydia!" "Lydia!" "♪ ("CUPID" RESUMES PLAYING) ♪" "I sure hope you didn't leave your purse back there." "(SIGHS)" "Okay, Jack." "Let's review." "We've got nausea, we've got shortness of breath, we've got dizziness we've got headaches." "Big, pounding headaches." "Big... poun..." "Huh." "What's going on up here?" "Where did you get that rash?" " Hairspray." " Hairspray?" "It also makes me sneeze like crazy." "So, what do you think?" "I think you're allergic to hairspray." "Isn't this great, Jack?" "I think we're making real progress today." "Okay..." "Uh-huh." "The nightmares still keeping you awake at night?" "Mm-hm." "And now I have a new one." "Put your head back." "Tell me about it." "Well, I'm at the market, working one of the registers." "And I suddenly notice the next customer is this horrible, obnoxious woman with bright orange hair." "Anyway..." "I'm passing her stuff over the bar code scanner and I don't notice it, but the computer starts to ring up all the wrong prices." "So when I'm all done I look at the total and it's way up over..." " (SLAPPING BACK) - (GRUNTS) and it's way up over..." "and it's way up over $100,000." " That much?" " Yes." "So the woman with the orange hair says to me, real calm... she says to me:" ""I don't carry that kind of cash around on me, sweetie."" " Want to open wide, there?" " Yeah." "(GAGGING)" "And I say, "Oh, is that right?" And she says," ""Will you take this instead?"" "And she reaches into her purse, and she pulls out this little pearl-handled pistol." "And she pulls back on the trigger, and it's at that moment that I wake up screaming." " Oh!" " (TRAY CLATTERING)" "Take it easy, Jack." "It's all right." "The nurse will get it." "Just sit down." "Sit down." "I'm sorry, Jack." "I didn't mean to push you." "Jack, please, sit down and relax." "Catch your breath." "Come on." " Jack..." " (PANTING) you know that I'm more than your doctor." "I'm your friend." "You're one of my favorite patients." "Let's face it, your regular office visits are the cornerstone of my entire medical practice." "(SIGHS)" "But the problem is, medicine is not what you need, Jack." "What you need is rest and relaxation." "I think you need a total change of scene." "May be a nice vacation." "How does that sound?" "It sounds good." "Well then, take one." "And find a place that's peaceful and quiet." "Because the most important thing for you right now is no excitement." "Got it?" " I know it's hard to believe..." " Hard?" "Try impossible." "That's why I want you there to see for yourself." "Then, if you're interested, the project's yours." "Look, first amaze me, then we'll talk funding." "(SIGHS) Damn this traffic." "We're gonna be late." "Just out of curiosity, who's your guy?" "Your pilot?" "You might know him." "Pendleton." "Tuck Pendleton." "Why did you choose Pendleton?" " He had the right qualifications." " Such as?" "(CHUCKLES) He's the only one we could find who was crazy enough to do it." "Let me tell you something about Tuck Pendleton." "He could have been one of the best." "But he hates authority, he can't take orders and he likes to make up his own rules." "Ah, don't look so depressed." "The experiment is bound to fail long before" "Pendleton has a chance to screw it up." "How does that feel?" "It feels good." "Then do it again." "The Tuck Pendleton machine, zero defects." "You're not getting nervous, are you?" "Not yet. (EXHALES)" "Look, Lieutenant, let's review this neuromuscular facial response experiment one more time." "Let's not, huh?" "All right?" " What do you mean, let's not...?" " Ozzie, who's nervous now?" "I know what our objectives are." "I've done my homework." "I can do this little job blindfolded and backwards, so everybody just calm down." "(INDISTINCT CHATTER)" "MAN ON PA:" "Initiate hydroponics check." "Initiating." " Good luck, Lieutenant." " Thank you." "Zero-nine-five." "All personnel to the station, please." "Just one more thing, Lieutenant." "I just want to make sure we've got everything down." "It's not gonna be simple but there shouldn't be any surprises or..." "Good luck, Lieutenant." "Be careful of this 3808 unit." "I spilled coffee on it last week." "It's not quite as reliable as it was." "Um... still rolling?" "Great!" "Uh... we are using an experimental submersible pod, modified with a performance enhanced helium neon laser scalpel of our own proprietary design." "This was a 50 milliwatt unit originally, which has been increased to 600 milliwatts..." "Just pay attention to your business there." "600 milliwatts, which in terms of spatial-equivalency would be a 60 kilowatt unit." "This is done because we have such high efficiency... (CONTINUES, INDISTINCT)" "(VOICE CONTINUES OVER RADIO) coupled with what would be a common home carpet-sweeper." "Would you bring up the biomed on the specimen, please." "COMPUTER:" "Oxygen percentage, check." "Air tanks fully charged." "Doppler phase translocator activated." "State of the art." "MAN ON PA:" "All personnel, we are now at priority level one." "Secure all stations." "COMPUTER:" "Environmental control systems, check." "Gyro stabilization XYZ coordinates, check." "Laser subsystem analysis, check." "WOMAN ON PA:" "Pod lockdown and rotation complete." "Begin phase two alignment." "MAN ON PA:" "Prepare for shield closure." " Lieutenant, do you read me?" " Rock and roll." "Okay, stand by." "I need final confirmation from Biomed." "WOMAN:" "Biomed complete." " And optoelectrical station three." " MAN ON PA:" "Three check." " Station two." " WOMAN ON PA:" "Two check." " And the MRD." " Entry point plotted." "Okay, TC, do you confirm we're clear to proceed?" "Dr. Niles isn't here yet." "Well, that's his trouble." "It's not mine." "Nothing I can do." "Okay, prepare PEM number one." "MAN ON PA:" "Activate Photon echo Memory system." "Insert PEM number one." "MAN ON PA:" "Commencing PEM number one insertion." "OZZIE:" "Open the pre-feed to the hydroperc chamber." "Pull up the display on the photon densitometer." "Stand by, Lieutenant." "Insert PEM number two." "These should have been on my desk a week ago." "Do you have any other papers you haven't turned in?" "COMPUTER:" "Pod activated." "Microchip interlock complete." "Hold onto your breakfast, Lieutenant, This is it." "Activate centrifuge." "(DEEP RUMBLING)" "WOMAN ON PA:" "Minus 40." "COMPUTER:" "Commencing molecular isolation and displacement." "WOMAN ON PA:" "Minus 30." "Minus 20." "Minus ten." "Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one." "Ignition." "(CENTRIFUGE POWERING DOWN)" "(RUMBLING FADES)" "WOMAN ON PA:" "Sequence completed." "(MAN MURMURING TO HIMSELF)" " Can I help you, fellows?" " Phone repair." "Phone repair." "Do you know anything about phones being fixed today?" "Sorry, I don't... (EXCLAIMS)" "(LOCK BUZZES)" "MAN ON PA:" "All technicians report to the substation monitors." "Prepare to interface with host organism." "(YELLING)" "WOMAN ON PA:" "Synchronize life support system." "Stand by, Lieutenant, we'll have you inside Bugs in just a moment." "Guys, I need help with this rodent." "(HISSING)" "(LOCK DISENGAGES)" "(PEOPLE YELLING)" "Look at this thing." "(BEEPING)" "Primitive." "Definitely primitive." " Margaret?" " Ozzie." "I see you've backed yourself into a corner once again." "MARGARET:" "Mr. Igoe... stop him." "We need that syringe." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "TUCK:" "Ozzie." "Ozzie, what's the hell's going on out there?" "(DOG BARKING)" "(HORNS HONKING)" "Ozzie, am I being punished?" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "♪ (MUZAK PLAYING SOFTLY) ♪" "MAN:" "Mr. Putter?" "Mr. Putter." "(CHUCKLES) Well, I certainly envy you." "Fun, excitement, relaxation." "No excitement." "Doctor's orders." "How about maybe a little shipboard romance?" "Well, as long as it isn't too exciting." "(DART FIRES)" "(BLOWS)" "(BELL DINGS)" "(GASPS)" "Hey!" "(WOMAN SCREAMS)" " Get some help." " Somebody call security." "(VOICES BLURRING, DISTORTING)" "(CAMERA CLICKING)" "(CHUCKLING) Did you see that?" "(GRUNTS)" "COMPUTER:" "Automatic pilot now functioning." "Please give command code for environmental adjust." "(SERVOS WHIRRING)" " Sorry, I'm sorry." " Jack, you're late." "That's not good." "You know it's coupon day." "Sorry Mr. Wormwood, but you won't believe what happened." "I don't want to hear about it." "Tell me later." "Just punch in and get to work at register five." " Yes." " Smell this." "Go on, smell it." "What the hell are these things?" "Fat cells?" "What the hell is going on out there?" "Mission control command, Do you read me?" "I think I blacked out." "Am I inside Bugs or what?" "Thanks, Craig." " You're late." " I know." " How do I look?" " Like shit." " I'm still shaking." " What happened?" "Had the most frightening experience of my life." "Talk about frightening experiences." "Have you ever tried slam dancing?" "Never mind." " So that's where you were." " Huh?" "I hate to shock you, but we had a date last night." "Oh, yeah, I forgot." "Forgot?" "How could you forget?" "Jack, look, I've already told you." "If you want to be part of my life, you can't be hassling me about stuff." "Wendy, I'm not a part of your life." "(TAPPING REGISTER KEYS)" "(YELLS)" "Well?" "(NERVOUS LAUGH)" " I'm in a hurry." " Yes, you are." "Just add it up, will you?" "(PANTING)" "Ozzie, if you can hear me," "I'm gonna try to restore contact from your end by activating one of the electromagnetic booster cells." "Stand by." "(LOUD BUZZING)" "Gee, that's kind of pricey for shampoo, ain't it?" "Ozzie!" "JACK:" "Oh, no." "A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars?" "Is that with or without the coupons?" "What have you done, Jack?" "What have you done?" " It's a dream." " What?" "It's a dream." "God, Jack, way to screw up!" "Listen, sweetie, I don't carry that kind of cash around with me." "No." "Oh, no." " (WHIMPERING) Oh, no." " Get a hold of yourself, Jack." " I need some aspirin." " What?" "Please I'm begging you for some aspirin!" " Get your hands off my jacket!" " Here!" "(PANTING)" "Hey, I'm not buying that aspirin now!" "At $800 a bottle, who would want to?" " (HYPERVENTILATING)" " Jack." "Jack you're becoming unglued." "You're coming apart at the seams." "Oh, my God, he's completely spaced out." "All right, let me handle this." "(WHEEZING)" "Jack." "What the hell's that?" "Ozzie?" "Ozzie, I can't hear you." "I hope to hell you can hear me." "I'm gonna proceed with the mission as planned." "I'm gonna go to auto pilot." "Phase one:" "Optic Nerve Interface." "Come on, baby, show me the way." ""Please wait." "Environmental adjust required."" "What the hell's going..." "Doesn't anything work?" "COMPUTER:" "Pathway to optic nerve is as follows" "Superior gluteal vein to iliac vein, to inferior vena cava past right atrium, to superior vena cava to jugular vein to optic chiasma." "Let's drive." "COMPUTER:" "Entering bloodstream." "Jack... you've always been like a son to me." "Well, a nephew, anyway." "You've got a great future in retail food marketing." "I'd hate to see you throw it all away by going psycho on us." " Oh, coffee." "Great, thank you." " I got it down the hall." " (CLEARS THROAT) Smoking." " Hmm?" "Mm." "(CIGARETTE SIZZLES)" "Deploying optic remote." "COMPUTER:" "Optic sensor armed and ready." "Switch to manual trajectory control." "Firing optic sensor." "(SHRIEKS, SCREAMING)" "(STAMMERING) What's wrong, Jack?" "Let me see." "Let me see." "Come on, where the hell's the picture?" "Come on!" "All right, Oz!" "That's not Oz." "Who the hell is that?" "Where's the lab technicians?" "Where's the lab?" "It was just so strange." "It was like... someone had suddenly shoved a white-hot sewing needle through the pupil of my eye." "Oh, God!" "You stand up now, Jack." "Did Bugs just stand up?" "What's going on here?" "This can't be." "I'm in a man!" "I'm in a strange man!" "I'll be a son of a bitch, I'm in a strange man surrounded by strangers in a strange room!" "You go home and start your vacation today." " This afternoon, Jack." " Thank you, sir." "And you come back to us a new man." "Do you mind if I use your phone?" "Maybe I should phone my doctor." "Go right ahead, Jack." "What a good idea." "Ozzie, what have you done to me?" "How the hell can I be inside a man?" "I studied up on rabbits." "I gotta talk to this guy." "COMPUTER:" "Pathway to middle ear is as follows..." "OZZIE:" "Now, miniaturization is achieved by pairing two 500 series Photon Echo Memory Chips, or PEMs as we call them, a controller and a remote." "Only the Controller is needed for miniaturization." "But a combination of the two chips must be used to re-enlarge." "(OZZIE CONTINUES, INDISTINCT)" "J. Putter, assistant manager." "Find him." "COMPUTER:" "Approaching middle ear." "(TUCK BLOWING INTO MICROPHONE)" "Hello?" "Hello, can you hear me?" "Repeat." "Repeat." "Respond if you can hear me." " Who, me?" " TUCK:" "It works." "I can hear you!" "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "TUCK:" "Would you talk to me, please?" "Who are you?" "What's your name?" "What?" " Are you talking to me?" " No." "TUCK:" "I'm not out there." "I'm in here." " Did you hear that?" " Hear what?" "You didn't hear that then?" "No, I'm sorry I didn't hear anything." "Are you feeling all right?" "Would I be in a doctor's office if I was feeling all right?" "TUCK:" "Look, pal, we have to talk." " No, we don't." " Don't what?" " Don't have to talk." " TUCK:" "Yes, we do." " We do?" " Do what?" " Have to talk." " Not unless you want to." "TUCK:" "I'm in here inside you!" "Inside your body!" "Oh, God!" "Somebody help me." "I'm possessed!" "Jack..." "Oh." "(CHUCKLES) Good news, Jack." "I think we can rule out demonic possession right off the bat." "But this little voice is talking to me." "See, that proves it." "Demons talk through you, not to you." "Jack, what are you doing?" "Well, I started to hyperventilate." "This usually does the trick." "Let's see. (GRUNTS)" " You're okay?" "You're not shaky?" " Now I'm fine." "Thank God!" "A doctor!" "Somebody'll understand." "Tell your doctor that I'm in the tympanic..." " I'm right inside your ear." " It's happening right now." " I hear it now." " Okay, okay, take it easy, Jack." "Just sit down and I'll check into it." "TUCK:" "Come on, what are you waiting for?" "Tell him!" "What are you deaf?" "Tell him!" "Just relax, Jack." "Let's see what's going on in here." "(EXCLAIMS) I'm blind!" "Oh, God!" "Now it's talking about God." "Jack... you seem to be experiencing some sort of theistic hysteria." "How do you treat that?" "Well, the medieval remedy was to flay the skin off your body with brands of fire." "I have no idea what the current thinking is." "It's just a little theistic hysteria, which is nothing." "(SIGHS)" "TUCK:" "I can see!" "Oh, thank God!" "I can see!" " Jack." " It knows my name." "Jack." " Jack, we have to talk." " (PANTING) No!" "Jack, we have ourselves a little problem here." "I wonder what's on the television?" "TV is so much fun around now." " Jack!" "Pay attention!" " Oh, good." "This is a good one." "Jack, you can't watch TV." "We have to talk." "Oh, no, I'm inside a guy who likes game shows." "Try a vowel." "All right, Jack, you leave me no other choice." "I'm gonna hit you with my electro-magnetic booster." " (BUZZER RINGS ON TV)" " Ohh..." "Okay, buddy boy, here we go." "(ZAPPING)" "(YELLS)" "Fire!" "Fire!" "Hey, Jack, you want to watch TV?" "Watch this." " COMPUTER:" "Primary coil overload." " Fire!" "Fire!" "Oh, Jack..." "You see that I'm real." "You do believe me now, don't you?" "Huh?" "I..." "I don't know what to believe." "Believe it, Jack." "Believe it because it's true." "Now, I want you to listen to me and I want you to listen good." " All right?" " Yes." "Because we're in this together and we got to help each other out." "You don't work at the lab, do you?" "Lab?" "No, I work at Safeway." "And you don't know anything about the experiment?" "What experiment?" "Oh, God!" " The miniaturization experiment." " No." "Jack... my name is Lieutenant Tuck Pendleton." "I've been miniaturized." "I was supposed to be injected into the body of a laboratory rabbit, and somehow I got inside you instead." "What do you mean, "somehow"?" "How?" "All I know is I was inside a syringe and now I'm inside you." "(WHISPERING) Syringe..." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" " Are you Jack Potter?" " Putter." " Putter." "This yours?" " Uh, yes." " I'm from Cook Travel Agency." " Oh." " Wanna sign on number 12." " Okay." "I think these are probably cruise tickets, if I'm not mistaken." " Yeah." " Yeah." " Thank you very much." " You're welcome." "Can I use your phone?" "Uh... sure, go ahead." "(CHUCKLES)" "Thanks, appreciate it." "Shot your TV out, huh man?" "(CHUCKLES) Just like Elvis." "You know, you're a lucky guy, going on a cruise." " Taking your roommate?" " I don't have a roommate." "I thought I heard you talking to someone." "TUCK:" "Don't trust him." "He's not a messenger." " Yeah, I made the drop." " (WHISPERING) How do you know?" "TUCK:" "Gut reaction." "Get out." "Get out right now!" "Piece of cake." "Where you going, man?" " Uh..." " TUCK:" "Grab it!" "Grab it!" "Jack, your pulse rate, I'm going too fast!" "(EXCLAIMS)" "(GRUNTING)" "Jack!" "Bring your knee up right now, kick him where it counts!" "Now hit him!" "Run!" "Tuck, what's going on?" "(HEART POUNDING)" "Jack, you did real good." "Try and calm down." "I've got a little problem here." "I'm gonna go off radio contact for a minute." "Shit!" "COMPUTER:" "Approaching tricuspid valve of heart." "Do not enter." " Do not enter heart." " Back, baby." "Back, baby." "Turbo thrusters at maximum." "(HEARTBEAT CONTINUES)" "Warning." "Cardiovascular threshold exceeded." "Cardiac arrest imminent." "Take evasive action." "Just a little further!" "This won't hurt a bit, Jack." "Up!" "Up!" "Up!" "That's it!" "Let's go!" "TUCK:" "That's one hell of a pump you got there, Jack." " Where have you been?" " Never mind." "Let's get to the lab." "You mean to tell me that he can actually talk to you?" "Yes." "And I can talk to him." "And also, he's able to see everything that I see." "He's patched into the optic nerve and the eardrum." "That was part of the experiment." "To see if a miniaturized human could make audio and visual contact with its host organism." " Doc, this is a guy, not a bunny." " But the computer doesn't know that." "It simply reads the environment and makes the proper adjustments." " Can you see me Lieutenant Pendleton?" " Yeah, I can see you." "Yes, he can." "Good work!" "Job well done!" "Good work!" "I can't believe this!" "Find out what went wrong." "Excuse me, Lieutenant Pendleton is wondering what went wrong." " Well..." " I'll tell you what went wrong." "You threw in with a bunch of eggheads who don't know squat about security." " That's what went wrong." " Thanks for the hot tip." "But don't worry, Tuck, old' buddy." "We're going to do everything possible to get you out of this... civilian." "You better, you two-faced son of a bitch." " Tuck says, "Thank you."" " Yeah." "Excuse us a minute." " Let me talk to you outside." " Yeah." "Uh..." "Stay here." "Both of you." " Oh..." "That's good." " (CHUCKLING)" "Well, you're home free now." "Oh, yeah?" "I never trusted Pete Blanchard." "Can you see where they went?" " Uh..." "Yes, hold on, yes." " Yeah." "All right, look directly at them." "Don't turn your head." "I think I can beef up the reception a little bit." " NILES: (LOUD) I've been trying to..." " JACK:" "Ahh!" "...explain to you exactly what's going on." "PETE:" "Explain it to me then." "We're not the only ones working towards miniaturization." "Don't you think I know that, Niles?" " Hey, I can hear them." " TUCK:" "I know." "Shut up and listen." "Sorry." "But we are the first to perfect the tricky re-enlargement process... by using two chips." "One of the chips is in the pod." "And the other has been stolen." "Now, what do we do to we save Pendleton?" " Recover the stolen chip." " Don't you have duplicates?" "No!" "They're prototypes!" "That's thinking ahead, Niles." "NILES:" "We can make duplicates, of course." " But not by nine tomorrow morning." " What happens at nine o' clock?" "By nine o' clock, his air supply runs out." "PETE:" "That is no problem." "All he's gotta do is take the pod to the guy's lungs, open the hatch and breathe in all the air he needs." "NILES:" "He can't open the hatch!" "The sudden change in the cabin pressure would cause the pod to explode like a balloon." "That's right, Einstein." " Then we don't have to do anything." " What do you mean?" "The stolen chip is useless without the one inside the pod, and we've got that one." "You build your duplicates." "It doesn't matter how long it takes." "Then we'll be back in business." " And what about Pendleton?" " We can't save him." "That's too bad." "Thanks, Pete." "Maybe we can use him." "Bring the perpetrators out into the open." " TUCK:" "Find it?" " Yeah." "Put it on." "Keys are in the pocket." "Car's out back." " You see that door?" " Yeah." "Use it." "What're you waiting on?" "Don't rush me, okay?" "Just..." "be quiet and let me think this through." "Jack, excuse me, but I want you to factor this into your thinking:" "you heard the guy, my air supply is running out." "If you don't help me, you're gonna wind up with this miniaturized submersible pod floating around your insides with this teeny, tiny human skeleton at the helm." "(GROANS)" "Not a pretty thought." "All right." " But you have to do something for me." " Anything." "Let's just go." "The red Mustang convertible." "You see it?" "It's over there." "Careful!" "This isn't a Honda." "There's 500 horses underneath this baby, okay?" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "Use the clutch!" "It's a five-speed stick!" "Mr. Putter, we..." "Oh, that's great, doc!" " No pain." " What?" "That's the thing that I want from you." "No pain." "I mean just... don't do anything weird in there, okay?" "Don't... cause an embolism or an aneurysm or... accidentally sever my spinal cord and just kinda go, "Oh, sorry."" "Do you know what I mean?" " Okay, no pain." " Thank you." "Home sweet home." "Is this where you live?" "Yeah, ain't it great?" "I call it user friendly." "What's this thing?" "That?" "That's just something else from Vector-Scope that doesn't work." "Never mind that." "I need a drink." "How about you?" "Drink?" "No..." "I don't drink." "You do now, because I can't have a drink unless you have a drink." " Get the picture?" " Oh." "See that table in front of you with the motorcycle engine on top?" " Yeah." " Check the cylinder." " Okay." " All right." " Yeah?" " Empty." "Oh." "Oh, yeah, right." "Uh..." "Check the sink with the big fish in it." " A bottle of Southern Comfort?" " Yeah, it's here." "All right, here's what I want you to do." "I want you to take a big, old tug on that baby and I'll do the rest, all right?" "And we're gonna drink this one to Ozzie." "A good man who tried to save my ass by injecting me into yours." "To Ozzie." "Come on, lucky flask." "(CHUCKLING)" "(GAGGING)" "(EXHALING) Oh!" "Klahoma!" "Taya!" "(GROWLING WITH PLEASURE)" "Great, Jack." "(SPLUTTERING)" "When things are at their darkest, pal, it's a brave man who can kick back and party." "Jack, let the good times roll." "(♪ SAM COOKE: "TWISTING THE NIGHT AWAY")" "(SILENTLY MOUTHS LYRICS)" "Whoo!" "(WHOOPING)" "(PLAYING OFF-KEY MELODY)" "(MUSIC ENDS)" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "(GASPING FOR BREATH)" "I didn't know dancing could be so much fun." "You ought to try it with a girl sometime." "You mean someone like this?" "Yeah." "Somebody like that." "You know what's weird?" "You are seeing parts of my body... that I will never get to see." "Believe me, you're not missing all that much." "The gastric mucosa." "Intestinal villi." "Pulmonary alveoli." "Faraway places with... strange-sounding names." "Hey, Jack." "Jack!" "Go to the mirror in the bedroom, will you?" " Why?" " I just realized I don't know what the hell you look like from the outside." "Sure. (GRUNTING)" " (JACK HICCUPS)" " Are you drunk?" "No, I just got up too fast, so I was a little dizzy." "Yeah, yeah, right." " Is that you?" " Yeah, that's me." " Look at you." " Yeah, look at me." "Go to the mirror." "Come on." " How's this?" " A little too close, Jack." "Too close?" "What's this?" "Is this good?" "You know what?" "We're going to need a lot more help." " Can you drive?" "Is your head clear?" " Yes, yes." "Slap yourself in the face." " What?" " Your face." "Slap it." "(IMPACT REVERBERATES)" "Harder!" "Again!" " Sober yet?" " One more time." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "(THUDS ONTO THE FLOOR)" " Okay!" "How does it feel?" " It feels good." "The Jack Putter machine, zero defects." "(SIGHS)" "God help us." ""Espionage in Silicon Valley."" ""The Buying and Selling of Advanced Technology."" "It sounded like Sunday supplement stuff to me then." "And that's how it sounds to me now." "Lydia... will you look at me when I'm talking to you?" "When people get murdered, that's when we'll put it in Metro." "Harry, people are getting murdered." "Huh?" "A scientist named Ozzie Wexler was gunned down this morning in a shopping mall." " Nobody saw who did it." " What do you know about him?" " (KNOCKING ON DOOR)" " So far more than the police." "He worked for a lab called Vector-Scope located near the mall." "Something gets stolen maybe?" "I don't know." "Vector-Scope is locked up tighter than a drum, why?" "The Cowboy." " The Cowboy?" " Who's the Cowboy?" " Is he here now?" " On his way." " Talk to me." " TWA flight 607, arriving San Francisco International 4 o'clock this afternoon." "Will you talk to me?" "What am I, chopped liver around here?" "Who's the Cowboy?" "I'm sorry, sir, you're gonna have to extinguish that cigar." "(SIZZLING)" "(INHALING)" "Mmm!" "There is nothing like a good cigar, eh, partner?" " Hey!" "There she is!" " Where?" "Behind you, I saw her out of the corner of your eye." "Honk the horn!" "Honk the horn!" " Pull over!" " I am." "Hey!" " You see her?" " Yeah." " What do you think you're doing?" " Uh..." "This is Tuck Pendleton's car, does he know you have this car?" "No!" "He'd sooner trust somebody with his life than with this car." "TUCK:" "All right, here we go." "You're wearing Tuck's jacket." "Why are you wearing...?" " Lydia, shut up and listen." " Lydia, shut up and listen." "Boy, you said that good." "Look, uh..." "Tuck's in trouble." "He needs your help." " LYDIA:" "Tuck's being held for ransom?" " (LOUD SWALLOWING)" "In a manner of speaking, yes." "We need a certain microchip to get him back." "Unfortunately it was taken from Vector-Scope labs this morning." "So there was a break-in!" "How did Tuck..." " How did you get involved in this?" " Me?" "Uh..." "It's a long story." "Good." "I'm a reporter." "I love long stories." "Don't let her take control over the conversation." "Be aggressive." "Dominate her." "Don't be a wuss-puss." "Be me." " (GASPS) - (SPOON CLATTERS)" "Um... (CLEARS THROAT)" "Look, Lydia, you're just gonna have to trust me, okay?" "There's not a lot of time for explanations." "We only have until nine o'clock tomorrow morning." " That's good." " Nine o'clock tomorrow morning?" "Can't we negotiate for more time?" " No, no." "No, we..." " Then where is he?" " Where are they keeping him?" " JACK:" "Where?" "LYDIA:" "Yeah." "Close by." "You know, in the area." "In the immediate area, vicinity." " It's difficult to know..." " Who has him?" "Uh... (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)" "Would you excuse me for one second?" "I'll be right back." "I blew it." "I can't handle her." "No." "You didn't do so bad." "She's a tough cookie." "Yeah, well." "She's a beautiful tough cookie." "You're a lucky guy." " What's that supposed to mean?" " Nothing." "I just hate this." "Why can't we tell her the truth?" "She might even believe us." "No, besides it's humiliating being this small." "What's so bad about being small?" "You don't have to be small forever." "Play with it, pal, but don't talk to it." "Who was that?" "Never mind." " Tuck!" " Yeah?" "Just checking." "Hold it." "This is a Taser gun, deploying a charge of 20,000 volts." "It will immobilize you for 15 minutes and in all probability will render you unconscious as well, so I would let go of that man!" "No!" "COMPUTER:" "Electrical system overload!" "LYDIA:" "Somebody call the police!" "Jack." "Jack, are you all right?" "We had a massive power surge." "(GRUNTING)" "Jack, what is going on?" "Your heart rate's going way down." "Talk to me." "JACK: (STAMMERING) I'm... f-f-f..." "Jack!" "You had me worried." "I thought I'd lost you there, kid." "Where are we, some kind of a meat locker?" "(JACK MOANING) I'm... freezing." "You're freezing?" "(TEETH CHATTERING)" "Jack, what is that loud clicking sound?" "Mr. Scrimshaw?" "Jack, who are these people?" "Where are we?" "Jack?" "(SHIVERING)" "Dr. Canker, get in here!" "This is a doctor?" "(PANTING)" "Well?" "Mild hypothermia." "We need him alive." "MARGARET:" "Oh, yes." "He should be alive." "Bring a blanket." "Let me take care of him." "I know how to warm him up." "Knock it off, Margaret." "You're riding in the Subzero." "Very well." " Aren't you riding in the limo?" " No, go ahead." "I'm staying back here with my friend, Jack." "(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)" "Nuclear weapons, Jack." "They mean nothing." "Everybody's got 'em." "Nobody has the balls to use them." "Am I right?" ""Space," you say." "Space is a flop." "Didn't you know that?" "An endless junkyard of orbiting debris." "Ah, but... miniaturization, Jack!" "That's the ticket." "That's the edge that everybody's been looking for." "Who will have that edge, Jack?" "What country will control miniaturization?" "Frankly, I don't give a shit." "I'm only in this for the money." "And that's why, Jack, we've got to get that little pod out from inside of you!" "(CACKLING)" "This guy's definitely not operating on all eight cylinders, Jack." "You know Jack, sitting here, freezing as we are," "I'm reminded of the year that I spent working in the great gold fields of Alaska." "Jack, glance around slowly so I can get a lay of the land." " I was a young man then..." " Come on." "...much younger than yourself." "But twice as big." "Hold it, wait." "Go back to the doors." " Yeah." " Those were memorable times." "Okay, Jack." "This is it." "The doors are unlocked." " I learned the ways of the Eskimo..." " This is your moment, Jack." "It all comes down to this." "You're not the same man you were this morning, are you Jack?" "You're better, you're stronger." "You're a man in control of destiny!" "Psych yourself up, Jack!" "See yourself opening the doors, Jack!" "See yourself jumping from the truck, Jack!" "You're not going to bag groceries all your life, are you, Jack?" "Are ya?" "See yourself being a hero!" "Psych yourself up!" "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo!" "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo!" "Can you do it, Jack?" "Can you see it, Jack?" "Can you see it?" "!" " Yes!" " Mm?" " I can see it!" " No, not yet!" " Wait until it stops!" " (YELLING)" "SCRIMSHAW:" "Come back here, you fool!" "Whoa, Jack!" "(YELLING)" "(HORN BLASTING)" "Jack, do you see that truck?" "(SHRIEKING)" "Come in here, you Safeway clerk!" "You're scaring me, Jack." "Igoe!" " Igoe!" " (MUSIC BLASTING IN HEADPHONES)" "(SCREAMING)" "Putter, don't be a puss, get in here!" "TUCK:" "That's my car!" "It's Lydia!" "We're gonna jump on the car, Jack." "Come on, buddy!" "Come on, buddy." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Wait!" "Whoa!" "Igoe!" "Stop the truck!" " (LYDIA SCREAMING)" " Get closer!" "Jack!" " Jack!" " What?" "What do you think you're doing?" " What do you think I'm doing?" " Get in the car!" " I'm trying to get in the car!" " (LYDIA SCREAMS)" "Get in this car, right now!" "(HORN HONKING)" "TUCK:" "Jack, jump in the car!" "Jump in the car, Jack!" "You can do it!" "Oh, God!" "(LAUGHING) Jack, I love you!" "Way to go, Jack!" "(LAUGHING)" "JACK:" "What exactly are we doing here?" " LYDIA:" "We're waiting for someone." " Oh." "Who are we waiting for?" "The Cowboy." "I've been tracking his movements for months." "He got to the airport an hour ago, and he always stays here." "I have a feeling he's gonna lead us to that chip we need." "Hey, knock it off!" "Uh... why do you think that?" "Because he's a fence." "He deals in stolen Western technology almost exclusively, which he then sells overseas to the highest bidder." "Who do you think introduced Velcro to the Persian Gulf?" " Really?" " Mm-hm." "(GASPS) There he is, perfect timing." "We're checking in." "Let me get the suitcase out of the trunk." "It's much less suspicious if we have a suitcase." "How did you know this was here?" "Oh, Tuck always keeps a packed suitcase in the trunk, just in case he wakes up in a strange place." "(CHUCKLES)" "Oh, no." "She knows about the suitcase." "Margaret." "The Cowboy is in town and we don't have the other chip." "I'm awfully busy right now, Victor." "I'll have to call you back." "Just get me that chip!" "(ATTACHMENT CLICKS)" "(VIBRATOR BUZZING)" "(COWBOY HUMMING)" "♪ I'm an old cowhand ♪" "♪ From the Rio Grande. ♪" "♪ But my leg's not bowed ♪" "♪ And my face not tan ♪" "♪ I'm a cowboy who's never seen a cow ♪" "♪ Can't rope a steer 'cause I don't know how ♪" "♪ And I'm not supposed to start learning how ♪" "♪ Yippee-ay-yo, kay-yay ♪" "I tipped the desk clerk $100 for this room so we could hear every move that he makes." "Now, when he leaves the hotel, we go, too." " What if he just stays in?" " No, he won't." "He loves this club called the Inferno." "The man does not sleep." "That guy in the truck said his name was Scrimshaw, right?" "Hey, I told you to cut that out." "What are you looking at?" "I thought you were a gentleman." "Come on Tuck, what do you expect?" "She has the cutest little overbite, don't you think?" "It gives her mouth this adorable pouty expression that's so sweet." "I know what she looks like." "What exactly is the deal between you two, anyway?" "Never mind, it's none of your business." "Hey, Tuck, listen, I really could use a change of clothes." "Mind if I just dip into your suitcase?" "Dip all you like, nothing's going to fit you." "Legal counsel to reputed organized crime figures." "Administrator of four teamster patient funds, suspected of black market arms dealing, yet somehow he always keeps his nose clean." "Jeez." "Anything else, Duane?" "Yeah, they say he has Jimmy Hoffa's watch in his desk as a souvenir." "COMPUTER:" "Oxygen reserve at 60 percent." "Twenty-three hundred." "We be cool." "Jack, Scrimshaw is..." "How do I look?" "What's the matter?" "Nothing." "Um..." "You just remind me of a time when Tuck wore this jacket." "TUCK:" "Oh, yeah." "It was the night we first met." "You were doing that article about me, and... we had dinner and talked until three in the morning." "I got drunk, threw up and fell down a manhole walking you home." "It looks like you're pretty hung up on the guy then, huh?" "How well do you know Tuck?" "Well, we're very close, actually." "Did he, um... talk about me?" "Uh..." "I find that Tuck tends to be a little tight-lipped when it comes to women." "Oh, you knock it off!" "But if I were Tuck, I'd talk about you all the time." "Yeah." "Right." "Oh, the Cowboy is leaving." "Shouldn't I...?" "I think I need a... (TIRES SCREECHING)" "Jack?" "Jack!" "It's Wendy!" "My God, Jack!" " Wendy!" " Look at you!" " Well, look at you!" " I'm going in before we lose him." " All right." " I'm with him!" "She's with me." "(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)" "Hey, Cowboy!" "Oh!" "I can't believe it, Jack!" "This is so exciting!" "Oh!" "How long have you been leading this double life?" "Oh, for a while now." "Women..." "love me." "But you know that." "But for serious, two things you want to know about me:" "One:" "I make love with my boots on." "And two... (WHISPERS INAUDIBLY)" "I know I've been mean to you, Jack." "I can..." "Oh!" "...just be such a shit sometimes." "Uh..." "It doesn't really matter." "It's because on account of my life sucking the way it does." "I'm a complete mess, you know." " You know?" " Yeah." "You're probably the only person at the supermarket I haven't slept with." "And it's like... you're the only person" "I'm even partially attracted to." "Thank you." "That lady is signaling you." "Oh, I came with her," "I should find out what she wants, I think." "I found out something." "The Cowboy is meeting with Scrimshaw early this morning." "They are picking him up at the hotel." "They are gonna give him the microchip." "Cowboy." "This is Jack." " Hey, Cowboy." " Howdy, big Jack." "Let's go buffalo gal." "Let's split this... no right scene." "He's taking me to the hotel." "Follow us." " Wendy." " Hi." " Uh, I'm sorry, I gotta go." " Call me later?" "Sure." " TUCK:" "Hurry up!" " I am hurrying up, okay?" "I don't want to see her alone with that sleazy Cowboy" " any more than you do." " Oh, yeah?" "Why not?" "I just don't, that's why." "God, I can't believe how hostile I feel toward you right now." "Because I'm stimulating your adrenal gland, pal." "Yeah, well, maybe that's the reason and maybe not." "Look, you got something to say, why don't you say it." "She deserves better." "That's all." " Better than what?" " Better than you." "Oh!" "I knew it!" "You think she goes for you, don't you, pal?" "You know what she sees in you, Jack?" "She sees me." "All right, Pendleton, that's it." "Where are you?" "Where are you, you little weasel?" "Save it for the Cowboy." "Ah!" "Wrong door!" "That's an exit, Jack." "Come on, now, control it." "Come on, you're a dangerous individual, Jack." "Come on, you can do it!" "Big Jack!" "Don't knock, just come!" "Duke the son of a bitch!" "Jack?" " Where were you?" " Next door waiting for you." "Beauty punch anyway, big Jack." "That's it, now tie that sucker tight." "He's gonna squirm when he wakes up." "There, now look at the Cowboy." "Hold it!" "Hold it right there." "COMPUTER: emulation systems activated." "Contour analysis, stage one." "Move over, Picasso." "Look at this." "Grid-mapping ectodermal contours." "Okay, go to the mirror." "Mirror, oh..." "What are we gonna do?" "I'm going to attempt an electronic stimulation" " of your nerves and muscles." " What's that mean?" " I'm gonna alter your face." " My face?" "Change my face?" "How do you do that?" "Uh..." "Eh..." "It's complicated." "I don't even understand it myself." "But just... trust me." "Will it hurt?" "Uh... yeah." "Well, let's not do it then." "(YELLING)" "What are you doing in there?" "Are you okay?" "We're getting there, Jack!" "Hang on." "This might pinch just a little bit." "(GIBBERING)" "Jack?" "Is that a five or a six?" "No, I'm right, it's a five." "(GIBBERING CONTINUES)" " (LYDIA SCREAMS)" " What?" " What did you do to him?" " Who?" " Jack!" " Jack?" " I'm Jack." " No!" "You get away from me!" "I'm Jack." "Listen to my voice." "It's me." "Then who's in the bathroom?" " He is." " Who is?" " Him." " Who?" "The Cowboy." "Sorry." "I know it's hard to understand." "It's hard for me to understand." "But you just have to believe me" " and... and trust me." " Jack?" "I can explain it later, but now is not the time..." " How did you get Jack's hair?" " I'm not too sure about that one." "Jack?" "Go see for yourself." "Yeah, I'll go in and see for myself." "I'm not stupid." " Jack?" " Oh, my God." "How?" "Don't ask, okay?" "Just... just trust me." "I'll explain everything, I promise, but not right now." "(KNOCKING ON DOOR)" "All right, I'm going with you." "TUCK:" "Don't let her go." "It's not safe." "Uh, better not, Lydia." "Tuck used to say he did the things that I only write about." "Now I want to do the things I only write about." "Now open your mouth, come on." "(KNOCKING CONTINUES)" " Men." " Mr. Scrimshaw is waiting." "All right, what do you say?" "Never beg." "Never beg!" " Hello, Cowboy." " (MIMICKING COWBOY) Howdy." "Welcome." "Come in." "Sit down." "Join us." "My friend, we have been waiting for you." " Do you think we're close friends?" " TUCK:" "God, I hope not." "How long has it been, Cowboy?" " Uh, you tell me." " Almost six years." " Ah." " Don't you remember?" " Idi Amin's barbecue." " (BOTH LAUGHING)" "Oh, yes." "How could I forgot?" "The sauce." "You haven't forgotten the last time we saw each other, have you?" "Um... speaking of which, we seem to have a rather... attractive added starter here this morning." "Yes, my sister." "In-law." "Good morning, sister-in-law." "Murnau... another place setting, please." "You know, Cowboy, I don't know what is, but there's something about you." "Please." "You have changed, you're different." "Uh, yes..." "I've been sick." " Good thinking, Jack." " SCRIMSHAW:" "Have some champagne." "Please, join me." "I believe that these are the kind you like." "Cuban?" "Cuban?" "Jack, you're in luck, Cuban are the best." "I save this for later." "Jack!" "Cowboy... what happened to your hair?" "Uh..." "Um..." "I..." "I had it done." "Clint Eastwood style." "You see Outlaw Josey Wales?" "What a flick." "So much for the pleasantries." "Now, let's get down to business." "Dr. Canker." "Yes, well..." "Miniaturization works on a dual-chip system." "Don't play with your food." "We have one in our possession at the moment and we'll have the other one..." "very soon." " Take what they got." " Fine." "I take what your got." "You do understand, the first chip only miniaturizes." "Both are required for re-enlargement." "Right." "We whet their appetites with what we got." " Good point, Cowboy." " Thank you." " Good point, Jack." " Thank you." "Doctor." "The chip, please." "Easy." "Easy." "There it is." "Hang on, now, Jack." "Now, I want you to reach out... and put it in your pocket." "Gee, it's so tiny." "Who would think?" "Jack, what are you doing?" "Take the chip." "Come on, don't freeze up on me." "I wonder, miss, if Cowboy's ever told you of his incredible tolerance for pain?" " His what?" " His what?" " His what?" " His ability to withstand pain." "Why, his stoicism is legendary." "Hiding your light under a bushel, Cowboy?" "That is so unlike you." " If that is who you are." " Uh-oh." "You mind satisfying my curiosity on that point?" "In lieu of champagne, how about some real pain?" "IGOE:" "Propane?" "COMPUTER:" "Warning." "Adrenalin level overload." "Jack?" "You all right, Jack?" " Igoe?" " No!" "Don't worry, Cowboy, Dr. Canker here has pioneered the field of limb replacement." "Jack, you're generating too much electrical energy." " I can't hold the balance!" " (RAPID BREATHING)" "Stay calm, Jack!" "(GRUNTING)" "Cowboy, stop it." "Don't do that." "I was just kidding." "(BOTH YELLING)" "Please, Cowboy, no more." " It was only a joke." " (GIBBERING)" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "I'm begging you." "Stop it." "How you doing, Jack?" "God in heaven, deliver us from Satan." "(SCREAMING)" "Oh..." "It's him." "It's Putter." "Get him!" "(YELLING)" "Jack!" "Oh!" "(YELLING)" "Get out of there!" "Did you swallow it, you stupid animal?" "Give it to me." "Give it to me." "Oh!" "You've found it." "Hey, don't kill him." "Lock him up." "The girl, too." "(COUGHING)" "Oh!" "Ugh!" "Oh, great." "Gonna have tetanus now." "We've got to get out of here." "(GRUNTING)" "Why are you just standing there?" "Will you help?" " No." " What?" "No!" "Absolutely not until you tell me what's going on!" "And I want to know everything, Jack." "TUCK: (SIGHS) What the hell, you might as well tell her." "Really?" " Yes, really!" " Yes, really." "Right." "They're preparing the lab now." "Igoe's already on his way." "Good." "I don't think she believes me." "The way you tell it, I wouldn't believe you either." "So..." "You talking to him right now?" "Yeah." "No." "(LAUGHING) No." "No." "No, I don't buy that, Jack." "Sorry, no, this is getting to be a little bit too much." "All right, Jack, I guess we have to prove it to her." "Jack, repeat to Lydia exactly what I say." "Okay." " Lydia..." " Lydia..." "I don't blame you for walking out on me that morning." "But it was my heart that was broken, and not my toe." "What?" "Tuck?" "It's you." "Wait, wait, let's just wait a second." " Tuck?" " Uh-huh?" "I want a moment alone." "I want you to shut off your sensors, no picture and no sound." "Bad idea, Jack." "I can't do that." "What if I can't restore contact?" "Look..." "I just..." "I want one moment alone." "Alone with Lydia, you mean, huh?" "Look, I think you owe this to me." "Okay, Jack." "Signing off." "I'm not exactly sure what I want to say to you." "I know we haven't known each other... very long." "Less than a day." "They're coming." "So much for words." "MAN:" "Okay, let's go." "Jack, come in." "Jack, do you read me?" "Come in!" "Jack!" "Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have shut this thing down." "Jack, where the hell am I?" "Mr. Putter, if you please?" "LYDIA:" "Hey, hey!" "MARGARET:" "Put the girl in my office." "Not to worry, Putter." "We know what we're doing." "(GRUNTING)" "MARGARET:" "We'll use the chip we have to miniaturize Mr. Igoe." "Then inject him into Putter." "Right." "He'll locate the pod, eliminate its pilot." "And retrieve the second chip." "COMPUTER:" "Oxygen reserves at 40%." "Jack?" "(GASPS)" "I was getting some gum." "Sure, after I check for nail files." "(ELECTRICAL CHARGE BLASTS)" "Lydia." "I'm in Lydia." "(LAUGHING SOFTLY)" "Oh, Lydia!" "I'm a dad." "Duane, it's Lydia." "I'm in trouble." "I need some help." "You gotta call the police and tell them" "I'm in a renovated factory across from Pier 18." "What's up, Lydia?" "I can't talk now, okay?" "But call Vector-Scope and tell them I've got Tuck Pendleton and I'm bringing him in, okay?" "And call Pete Blanchard." "His number's in my Rolodex." "Got it?" "Yeah, got it." "(LOUD RUMBLING)" "Ready to inject subject." "Wait a minute." "Once Igoe's inside Putter and takes command of their pod, how do we get the chip out?" "Mr. Igoe will pilot the pod out, through a tear duct or a sweat gland." "Why chance that?" "Once he takes over the pod and gets the chip... let's re-enlarge." " While it's still in Mr. Putter?" " Why not?" "Have you any idea the kind of mess that would make?" "(PANTING) Tuck, help me, make me strong." " (YELLING)" " Restrain him!" "(HISSING)" "He's in!" "Igoe's in." "(GUNSHOT)" "Let him go." "Young lady, you are in over your head." "Let, him... go." "Ouch." " Okay, now what do we do?" " I'll tell you what we'll do." "Everybody into the miniaturizer." " Everybody into the miniaturizer!" " (GUNSHOT)" "The chip." "(SIREN WAILING)" "Come on, you too." "You haven't heard the last of this." " Let's go, Jack." "You got the chip?" " I can't reach it." " You can't reach it?" " I can't reach the chip." "Maybe it's one of these, look." " Ahh!" " (SCREAMS)" " Nothing's happening." " Try the green button." "Don't worry." "They won't know how to close it." " (DOOR WHIRRING)" " Certainly not." "I'll get you for this Margaret." " I hope they're not claustrophobic." " Come on, Jack, come on." " What are these switches?" " I don't know." " You should have paid attention!" " I was strapped to a table." "Press them." "Try, try!" " Nothing works." " This one." "(DEEP HUMMING)" "Oh, my God, cover your eyes." "(LOUD ZAPPING)" "Come on, give me the damn chip!" "Ah!" " Drop it!" " Oh!" "COMPUTER:" "Approaching middle ear." "Lydia..." "Please, hear this." "Please." "And understand." "COMPUTER:" "External amplifier activated." " (LOUD MUSIC DISTORTING) - (YELPS)" "(♪ SAM COOKE: "CUPID")" " Listen!" " What?" " Do you hear that?" " Hear what?" "Music, do you hear that?" "No." "Come on." " SCRIMSHAW:" "We're in here." " Who's in there?" " MARGARET:" "The green button." " Dr. Canker?" "SCRIMSHAW:" "Press the green button, you fool." "Hurry!" " He'll never find it." " The man's a high school graduate." "The green button, you fool!" "(WHIRRING)" " MARGARET:" "The police." " SCRIMSHAW:" "Who called the police?" "MARGARET:" "Let's get out of here." "Margaret, look what you've done to us." "Officer, give me a hand." "I know the Mayor." " (SCREAMS)" " Hold it!" "You hold it." " I bet it ain't even loaded." " Oh, yeah?" "(GUN CLICKS)" "Don't worry." "Tuck will give me the strength of ten men." "Hear that, Tuck?" "(MUSIC CONTINUES LOUDLY)" "(GRUNTS)" "Car keys." "Come on." "It's our song I'm hearing." "I'm hearing our song." " What?" " Tuck's in me." "(LAUGHING) And he's playing..." "He's playing our song!" "What are you talking about?" " Tuck is inside you?" " Yes!" "But that means I just..." "Oh, shit!" "(GRUNTING)" "Hi, Mr. Killer." "I'm really sorry..." " SCRIMSHAW:" "Where's my Subzero?" " MARGARET:" "Oh, just get in the car." " Will you give me a leg up?" " Every man for himself." "Get down, get down." "How did he get in me?" "I have no idea." "He hasn't spoken to me since..." " Since when?" " ...since Scrimshaw's cellar." "Since you kissed me." " Kiss me again." " Huh?" "(GRUNTING)" "TUCK:" "Jack, can you hear me now?" "I'm back." " He's back!" " Let's go." "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "Lydia!" " How we doing?" " We have the chip." " All right!" " We're on our way to Vector-Scope." "All right!" "But, I think that someone is in there with you." " All..." "What?" " They put someone inside to get you." " Inside you?" "Watch your driving!" " (HORN HONKING)" "Sorry, at the lab, they put this guy in." "So just be careful." "Shit!" "Think we'll make it to Vector-Scope in time?" "Can't you go any faster?" "Look, do you want to drive?" "I'm going as fast as I can." " Aah!" " Stop this car!" "(SCREAMS)" "(YELLING)" " I said, stop this car!" " Ow!" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "Watch your driving, Jack." "What's going on?" "Get me out of here, Canker." " Stupid little feet!" " Ow!" "(YELLS)" "(SHOUTS ECHOING)" "COMPUTER:" "Foreign object detected, approaching through esophageal passage." "(BEEPING)" "COMPUTER: external malignancy detected." "(GROWLING)" "Ow!" "COMPUTER:" "Oxygen reserves at 20 percent." "Warning." "Pressurization imbalance." "Turbo thruster one, disabled." "Oxygen depletion factor, six point..." "Get your little hand away!" " (HORN HONKING) - (YELLING)" "You insignificant little pip squeak, I'm in charge!" "Jack, knock him off your lap!" "(PEOPLE SCREAMING)" "I'll kill you!" "All right, you want to play?" "COMPUTER:" "Oxygen reserves at 15 percent." "Ow!" " (HORN HONKING) - (BOTH YELLING)" "(GULLS SQUAWKING)" "(DISTANT SIRENS APPROACHING)" " PETE:" "Lydia!" " Pete!" "Come on, get in the car!" "Take a pull on this, pal!" "(ALARM BUZZING)" "(JACK WHEEZING)" "Are you all right?" "COMPUTER:" "Life support system warning." "The air tanks." "No booster left." "Thrusters inoperative." "Gastrointestinal acid detected." "(GROANING)" "Oxygen reserves at ten percent." "Jack, are you feeling nervous?" "Actually, I'm feeling pretty relaxed now." "I need some stomach acid, Jack, and I need lots of it." "Oh, no, no, please." "Give me a break." "Jack I don't want to alarm you, but I think I saw something down here and," " well, it's probably benign, but..." " A tumor?" "You saw a tumor?" "How big?" "Jack, you're asking the wrong guy." "From my point of view it's the size of Candlestick Park." "Great, there goes my ulcer." " COMPUTER:" "Acidity level increased." " That's it, Jack." "Keep those stomach acids flowing, Jack!" "Okay, pal, here's how I spell relief." "(SCREAMING)" "Jack... it worked." "You just digested the bad guy." "(BELCHES)" "There's a phone, thank God." "So what?" "All my pocket change is shrunk." "Use your credit card, Victor." "You do have one don't you?" " All big men have credit cards." " Yeah, yeah." "And how do we get up there?" "I've got it." "Cowboy, this is Victor Scrimshaw." "What the hell..." "I don't care what you've been through." "It couldn't possibly compare with what I've been through." "Or what I'm going through." "Cowboy, listen to me:" "we need those chips." "And we need them now, more than ever." "COMPUTER:" "Warning!" "Oxygen level critical." "Life support systems inoperative." "Switch to manual." "(COUGHING)" "(AIR HISSING)" "Jack?" "Jack." "I'm running out of air, Jack." "Hope we're almost there." "I'm setting a course for the mouth." "(HONKS HORN)" "Fire up the boilers!" "Hey, Jack!" "Jack, you gotta sneeze for me, pal." " Can you do it?" " Sneeze, why?" "Because I don't have enough oxygen to make it out, the human sneeze has been clocked at over 100 mph." "Right now I'm inside your lung, buddy and my only chance to make it out is for you to sneeze!" "Okay, how?" " Where is he?" " He's in my lung." " He's in the lung!" " Which lung?" "Think pollen, think ragweed think... animal dander, fur balls, anything!" "I don't know!" "Hairspray!" "Somebody!" "Get me some hair spray!" "Hurry!" "Get me some hair spray!" "Right away!" "Here, give me that!" "Not mousse!" "Hair spray!" "Give me that!" "Give me!" "(PANTING)" "(GASPING)" "(SNEEZES LOUDLY)" "LYDIA:" "Bless you, Jack." " Mr. Putter." " No." "Somebody hand me the ampli-visor." "Quick." "I see it, I see the pod." " Tweezers, has somebody got some?" " Tweezers!" "Quickly." "Come on, quickly." "Go." "Activate the re-enlargement process." " No!" " No, What?" " The chip." " The chip." "Who has the chip?" "I don't have the chip, do you have it?" " I've got the chip" " The chip." "You've got it?" "I had it..." "Where is it?" " Chip!" " He's got the chip." "Go, go!" "There's the chip." "There it is." "Go." "Go!" "Go!" "Good!" "We don't have time for this. (EXCLAIMS)" "Thanks for telling me." "PEMS one and two functional." "What is this?" ""Eat me." "Drink me?"" "It's from The Exorcist." "No, Alice in Wonderland." "She drank something and became small." " Or was it the other way around?" " I don't know." " Pick one." " You pick one." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Great." "Get us some flashlights." "Hurry!" " Are we okay?" " If it's the right program." " Go ahead!" " Activate centrifuge." " Centrifuge activated." " We need some goggles here." "Activate laser pre-light." " (ZAPPING LOUDLY)" " Laser pre-light activated." "Initiate MRD sequence." "MRD sequence initiated." "Five... four, three, two... one, zero." "Well?" "Maybe it was "drink me"." "Disengage shields." "Let's get him out of there!" "WOMAN ON PA:" "Prepare for pod access." "(ALL CHEERING)" "Back up, give him some air!" "I love you, Lydia." "Why didn't you tell me?" "(LAUGHING)" "Welcome home, Lieutenant." "(PEOPLE CHEERING)" "Like a cigar?" "Cuban?" "Thanks." "(APPLAUSE)" "(BELLS TOLLING)" " Congratulations." " Thanks man, thanks a lot." "Hey..." "Thanks for the cruise tickets." "Oh, it's only two years savings, no big deal." "That all?" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Well... we sure made a hell of a team, didn't we?" "Take care, big Jack." "(LAUGHING)" "Nobody even noticed my cufflinks." "(GIGGLING)" "He has the chips on him." "Good." "Close the lid." " I can't breathe in here." " Shut up, Margaret." "It's true, Jack." "The whole shipment had worms." "Listen, don't run any red lights." "Okay?" "Thanks a lot." "Nice wedding." "Why don't you stop by the office next week," "I got some new tests I'd like to run on you." "Jack!" "Jack." "Listen, I've been thinking about something, and..." "Well, I really I think that we should try dating." "Not exclusively at first, at least for me..." "Jack, since you're not going on the cruise," "I sure could use you at the store on Monday." "That was the Cowboy." "Who's the Cowboy?" "It's classified." "Doc, I'm cured." "Wendy, not a chance." "And Mr. Wormwood, thank you." "And I quit." "Jack Putter to the rescue!" "(TIRES SCREECHING)" "(♪ ROD STEWART:" ""TWISTING THE NIGHT AWAY")" "(English US" " SDH)"