"(Seagulls)" "Look, Roger." "Corfu." "(Horn)" "(Horse neighs)" "(Speaking Greek)" " Oh, stop coughing, Gerry, son." " I have catarrh, actually, Larry." "No longer." "Nobody contracts or keeps catarrh on Corfu." "Not even you." " Catarrh is Bournemouth." " Roger." "You really are the sorriest looking specimen I've ever seen." " (Boat horn hoots)" " Oh, no, no." "You are, Leslie." "Oh, no." "No, you are, Margo." "You'll all be quarantined and sent back to Bournemouth and I wouldn't blame them." "Come on." "(Roger barks)" " Thank you." "Thank you very much." " Mind." "Gerry with his catarrh, Margo with her drippy nose." "Oh, Mother, take those winter wrappings off." "We're here for our health." "Don't keep on, dear." "I'm sure we'll all feel much better very soon." "There's no need to rush into health." "(Shouting)" "(Greek accent) What you got, Christaki?" "You got some Englis?" "(Speaks Greek)" "It's for spots." "Bots." "Er, bang, bang." "Bam, bam?" "They're caterpillars." "Very soon they're going to be chrysalids." "How long do you stay here at Corfu, madame?" "Oh, for ever." "Well, un, un, at least until Larry, erm, my eldest son, he's a writer..." "Well, until he decides that we move again." " English?" " Bournemouth." "Bonmouth." "Well, we've sold the house." "House." "(Roger barks)" "Roger, Roger, come here." "Oh, Leslie, shoot that damn dog." "(Shouting)" "A-ya." "Hey." "(Laughs) You should get someone who speaks Englis." "I am Spiro Agiapoulos." "(Kiss)" "(Horn)" "They alls here calls me Spiro Americano." "I haves beens to Chicago." " Ah." " Which is a spot in America." "For, er, eight years in this place." "I makes moneys." "You want bathrooms?" "Oh, yes." "Yes, indeed." " All Englis always want bathrooms." " (Sneezes)" "Every time I drives Englis, they ask for bathrooms." "You gots the sneezes?" "Oh, I'm afraid we've all been suffering rather from the weather." "Leslie's developed dreadful ear trouble." "Something to do with bangs." "He shoots." " And Margo, Margo's covered in spots." " Mother." " Gerry's been all right, haven't you, dear?" " Yes." "Bit sniffly, but then he never minds anything as long as he can put it in a jam jar." "Oh-ho." "We stops." " (Man chants in Greek)" " We must be respectfuls." "Excuse me, Mrs Durrells." "Moment." "Very sorrowfuls." "(Chanting continues)" " (Leslie) What on earth's going on?" " Must be an epidemic." "There's so many of them." "It's unnatural." " People do it all the time, don't they?" " What?" " Die." " Not in bunches, they don't." "Perhaps they save them up until they've got enough to make it worthwhile." " What is this?" "Out." " (Yelps)" "Out." "Who are you?" " Out." "Out." " (Barking)" "Off." "Shoo." " Shoo." " (Barking continues)" "OK." "We go." "(Engine starts)" "(Horn)" "(Spiro) Oh, the dogs." "Get away, you mangy pack." "Get away." "Go on." "There you ares." "There is the villa with the bathrooms." "Come on." " Do we think yes?" " Oh, we do think yes." " Yes." " Oh, yes." "(Cicadas chirrup)" "Come on, Roger." "Gerry?" " I'm here." " Have you had enough breakfast?" " Honey and things?" " Yes, thank you." "We're going to get the baggage out of customs." " Don't touch that." " I-It's my duty, Spiro." "Don't give me duties." "I know your duties." "You, Christaki, were fined 12,000 drachma for dynamiting." "You is the criminal, not these innocent foreigners." " You tell them, Spiro." " Yes." "I tell him." "Yes." "Out." "Out." "Out." "Ha, ha." "Well done, Spiro." " (Spiro) I tell him." " You told him." "(Donkey braying)" "Oh." "(Gunshot)" " (Donkey brays)" " Put it back on the wall, Gerry." "(Muttering)" "Please tell your friends not to tether their donkeys outside my window, Margo." "(Gunshot)" " They're not my friends." " (Men muttering)" "I think your sunbathing might be a little unwise, Margo." "Why?" "It's attracting young men and their donkeys from all over the island." " Really?" " I can't see why." "Well, your costume doesn't cover an awful lot." "Oh, Mother, you're frightfully old-fashioned." "I mean, after all, you only die once." "(Whimpering)" "Roger found some wild bees." "Do you have to shoot your gun so near the house, Leslie?" "Er, yes." "It's all your fault." "Mine?" " They're all selfish, your children." " He tried smelling them." "You brought them up to be selfish." "I like that!" "I never did anything of the sort." "We wouldn't be so selfish without guidance." "They stung him and I don't blame them." " (Donkey brays)" " God, I won't be able to write a thing." "(Gerry) Crab spiders change colour." "Did you know that, Mother?" "(Mrs Durrell) What, dea..." "No." "No." "No, I didn't." "Not all at once but if you come back a day later, you can see it all happening." "(Buzzing)" "(Chirping)" "(Chirping)" "( Gramophone) ♪ When the deep purple falls" " ♪ Over sleepy garden walls ♪" " Ooh." "♪ And the stars begin to flicker" "♪ In the sky" "♪ Through the mist of a memory" "♪ You wander back to me" "♪ Breathing my name with a sigh" "(Muffled) ♪ In the still" "♪ Of the night" "♪ Once again I hold you tight ♪" "(Rattling)" "♪ Though you're gone your love lives on" "♪ When moonlight beams" "♪ And as long as my heart will beat" "♪ Lover, we'll always meet ♪" "(Dog barks)" "Uh." "Spiders." "I intend to work all day." "I think Gerry should do something useful." "Mm." "I think he should." "What do you do?" "Most things." "He needs to be educated." "Well, he can read." "I'll teach him to shoot and sail and then he can face the world." "Only if he joins the merchant navy, dear." "He should be taught to dance." "Do you know, there is not one person on this island can tango." "Literature." "The rest will follow." "I've given him a few books." "Rabelais, Lady Chatterley." "Don't you think that Rabelais is a little old for him, dear?" "If he gets sex in the right perspective now, the rest'll follow." "You always drag sex into it, Larry." "No matter what." "We could talk about eggs, toast and you drag sex in." "Really, Margo." "Where is Gerry?" "Look, Roger." "The swallows are back." " (Tweeting)" " They're repairing their nest." "Hey." "You boys, you ought to be more careful up ladders." " I'm all right." " You don't want to worry your poor mothers." "(Larry) Why not?" "(Spiro) Why nots?" "Why nots?" "Well, she's never done anything for us." "Why should we start to consider her?" "Oh, no, no, no, no." "You must not joke about such things, Master Lorrys." " Well, he's quite right, Spiro." " No, no." "Gollies, no." "Yes." "She isn't really much good as a mother, you know." "(Larry) All that woman ever thinks about is cooking." " (Spiro) Don't say that." " They won't do anything to their nest" " with you lot shouting and arguing." " We'll shoot them." "(Laughs) Shoots thems." "The lacewing fly lay eggs, all on stilts." "Then she goes off and leaves them." " Just like Mother." " (Spiro) No, no, no, no, no." "Come, come, come, boys." "Honest to Gods." "If I had a mother like yours," "I'd go down every mornings and kisses her feets." "Her feets." "What is Greek for eggs, Spiro?" "You don't need to know that, Master Gerrys." "You don't need to speak Greeks when I speak such perfect Englis." "(Cock crows)" "Egg." "What is the Greek for egg, Agathi?" "Ellinika, Agathi?" "(Speaks Greek)" "(Speaking Greek)" "Thank you. (Speaks Greek)" "(Speaks Greek) Thank you." "Thank you." "(Speaks Greek)" "I'd better go now, Agathi. (Speaks Greek)" "(Speaks Greek)" " (Girl) Gerry." "Gerry." " (Gerry speaks Greek)" "Gerald, these awful wriggly things, what are they?" "Caterpillars?" "No, they're not, as a matter of fact." "They become ladybirds, actually." "I don't want them becoming ladybirds near me." "They don't look like ladybirds." " Well, they're going to be." " (Mrs Durrell) Oh, I mean, I'm sure." "How about that bee you put in my cigarette box?" "Why are you afflicted with this urge to fill things with animals?" "It could be very dangerous." " Do try not to." " I forgot it was there." " I could have been stung." " I know." "He's got to do something." " I think it's a healthy interest." " (Gerry) I'm sorry." "I don't want wriggly things everywhere." "Suppose I have friends to stay?" " Well, stamp on 'em." "That's what I do." " I'm worried about his education." "I'm worried about the house becoming a menagerie." "I will have guests." "Aren't you worried about his education?" " I can speak lots of Greek now." " (Larry) Yes." "I suppose it won't lead anywhere, this putting animals into things." "I wouldn't mind a bee attack if it led anywhere." "I think he's going through a phase." "He's been going through it since he was two." "I'll think of something." "If you want him stuffed with useless information," " I'll try to find someone." " (Roger whines)" " Come on, Roger." " (Roger barks)" " Er, where are you going?" " Earwigs." "(Roger barks)" "Ah." "It's a nest." "A nest of an earwig." "See the eggs?" "(Cock crows)" "It's no good." "I've given this villa every chance." "It's just not big enough." " Well, it's big enough for me." " And for me." "Yeah, well, you can't even spell." "( Gramophone) ♪ Whispering so no one near can hear me" "♪ Each little whisper seems to cheer me" "♪ I know it's true ♪" "(Banging)" "(Hens clucking)" "Oh." "I wanted to see." " See it happen." "Didn't you, Roger?" " (Roger barks)" "Waah!" "Your young mans, they adores you." "But, er, you do not whips them enough, Mrs Durrells." " Whips them?" " Yes, trusses them." "The young Master Gerrys, he's ignorants." "He is, er, talking to the peasants in Greeks." "He must be educates or he will speak only Greeks and be an ignorants man." "and nobodys in this whole world who speaks Greeks is anybodys." "Become a wilds boy." "(Speaks Greek)" "It's..." "(♪ Singing in Greek)" "(Speaks Greek)" "(Roger barks)" "Good afternoon." "You are one of the foreigners inhabit the villa." " The small English milord." " I am but I'm not a milord." "What you must not do, and this is a fact, is sleep under the cypress." " I wasn't sleeping." " (Laughs) Excellent, excellent." "What you must not do is doze off because black cypresses are dangerous." "You may sit under them but not sleep." "You tempted." "The shadow, a good shade, longer, sleep, but never for any reason." "And here, I give you facts." "Never sleep under a cypress." "You ask why?" "Because, when you wake, you are gone to the air like crazy." "Your brains. (Whistles)" "Black cypresses have roots which wriggle into your brains as you sleep, then... (Whistles) Gone, your brains." "Your head will be empty as a whistle until breath is blown into it." "ls that true of all trees, all cypresses?" "(Laughs) Not all." "Only the black cypress." "Only the black cypress steals your brains." "(Speaks Greek)" "(Groans)" "(Gerry) Beware the black cypress." " George." " Larry." "He's just been left to run wild but, er, don't break his spirit altogether." "Beware the black cypress." "(Mrs Durrell) Do you like crawly things?" "(Larry) Oh, yes." "Do watch out for those." " Beware the black cypress." " (Mrs Durrell) I hope you can teach him before he goes completely native." " Oh." " George is a friend of Larry's." "And he has kindly consented to become your tutor." "Oh, yes, Gerry." "It had to come." "Oh." "(Mrs Durrell) How does he do?" "How do you do?" "How do you do, Gerald?" "Will tomorrow morning at nine suit you?" "(Mrs Durrell) Have a cup of tea, Gerry." "(Larry) Well, don't look so glum." "No, thank you, Mother." "I'll just go and say goodbye to everything." "What does he think we're going to do to him?" "That's it, I suppose." "Tomorrow at nine." "That's that, I suppose, Roger." "(Buzzing)" "(Spiro) Is best if I tell you what you can buy." "You don't understand." "You're not in Bournemouth any mores." " Here, they are all thieves." "(Leslie) Then how do they makes a living?" " Come on." " (Spiro) No." "No, wait." "(Leslie) Come on, Margo." "(Larry) Come on, Ma." "I'll take those." " Oh." "Thank you, darling." " Just a minute." " Er, now." "I think we'd better... (Chatter)" "Come now, Spiro, not everyone can be a thief." "I mean, that old lady can't be a thief." "That old lady is my mothers." "Er, no." "No, no." "She is not my mothers like your mothers is your mothers." "But she is my mothers." "Oh, how nice." "Eggplants." " Look, Margo." " No." "Do not buys them." "I buys them for you." "(Whines)" "(Gerry) I have tried." "All last night." "Really I have, George." "Well, then." "Maybe we should go back to ordinary division." "Or another problem." " Something else?" " I suppose so." "(Scrabbling)" "What is that noise?" "I think it must be Achilles." "(George) Yes." "I think it must be." "He must be caught, I expect." "Look." "He's stuck." "Can you help lift it?" "I'm not used to lifting furniture." "And I might add that I've never worked for Carter Paterson and, therefore, have no understanding of the techniques of furniture shifting." "Well, somebody's got to do it or he'll die or something." "Yes." "Oh, all right." "(Struggling) Come on, then." "(George grunts)" "Thank you." " What did you say he was called?" " Achilles." " I got him from the Rosebeetle Man." " Mm." "(♪ Folk tune)" "(Cock crows in distance)" "(George) Achilles." "So you know about the Greek hero Achilles, at least." "Well, that's a start then, isn't it?" "Let's forget about sums and look at ancient Greece." "(Engine rattles in distance)" " Oh, all right." "Off you go." " (Muffled voices)" "Take him with you." "You should haves a servant." "You shoulds not have to work like this." " You should haves the cooks." " Cooks?" " Yes, the cooks." "Plain cooks." " My very words." " You pay too much for this guitar." " I thought it was very reasonable." "Mrs Durrells, you asks him how much he pays for this guitar." " It is a beautiful guitar." " No, no, no, no, no." "Next time, you must promise me, Mrs Durrells, that nobody buys anythings." "They are all thieves." "I knows him with the guitars." "He's my brothers and he thiefs you." "I've, er, let Gerry go." "Yeah." "We saw him run off." "I can't seem to get through to him." " Hello, George." " Margo." " (Mrs Durrell) I'm sure you'll find a way." " A way?" "With Gerry." "Oh, yes." "Yes, I'm sure." "(Cicadas chirrup)" "He must be educates, Sir George." "He musts." "Like-a me." "But he's such a friendly little chap, Spiro." "It seems such a shame." "If you don'ts do it, I, Spiro Agiapoulos, will do it." "Readings, writings and arithmetic." "Have you been to a fiesta?" "(Buzzes)" "I know." "I know." "You're doing an aeroplane." "It's a very good aeroplane." "I'm honoured." "Thank you." "The tortoise is well." "No, no." "I bought a tortoise from you." "I've called it Achilles." "Remember?" "I would like a bird." "A pigeon." "A bird." "How much for a pigeon?" "(Clicks fingers)" "(Tweeting)" "I am sorry, but I have no money." "Would you be so kind as to call to the villa so I could pay you then?" "Thank you." "(Tweeting)" "Looks revolting." "It's only a baby." "I have to feed it." "It can't feed itself." "Oh." "What on earth is that?" "A pigeon." "My new pet." " What do you think I should call it?" " What?" "Yuck." "It's quite a good name but Quasimodo'd be better." "Yes." "That's very good." "Why?" " Well, it seems like a nice name." " Was he another Greek hero?" "Not quite." "Ask George when you're rambling through literature." "He'll know." "Don't tease, Larry." "Poor little pigeon." "Doesn't look a bit like nasty Lon Chaney." "Pigeons all look the same in a pie." "Huh." "Ha." "Ha." "Morning, Gerald." "The disciple awaits the master, agog with anticipation, I trust?" " What on earth is that?" " He's called Quasimodo." "A very interesting name." "Do you know how to spell it?" " No." " Well, that's a start for this morning then." " Ow." " (Gerry) It's only Achilles." "He wants a strawberry." "Give him a strawberry." " His paws are so sharp." " (Gerry) I don't think they're called paws." " What are they called, George?" " Oh, I don't know." "It's a reptile." " Claws?" " (Cock crows)" "(♪ Brass band march)" "(Gerry) If you go on watching him, he'll come back." "He likes people and strawberries." "(George) Does he?" "Quasimodo," "Q-U-A-S-l-M-O-D-O, was a hunchback." "And hopelessly in love." "Oh." "(♪ Gramophone music continues)" "Ah, yes." "Practise." "One must always, always practise." "Uh." "(♪ Gramophone:" "Viennese waltz)" "(♪ Hums along)" "(Margo screams)" "(George) Your sister's gone for a swim, chased away by a tortoise." "Well, let's try something else, shall we?" "If it takes three men a week to build a wall, how long will it... (Whispers) No." "Gerry, if it takes two caterpillars a week to eat eight leaves, how long will it take four caterpillars to eat the same number?" "I expect you'll want to draw your caterpillars first, won't you?" "(Sighs)" "Tomorrow, I'll bring a towel." "It's a sea cucumber." "(Dog barks)" "Have you seen Achilles?" "No." "No, I haven't." "Not for days." " How are you enjoying your lessons?" " Oh, all right." "History?" "What are you learning?" " Oh, everything." " Good." " Such as?" " Hannibal." " Oh, that's nice." " Elephants, you see." " Really?" " He crossed the Alps with them." "I must say, there were rather a lot in India." "I know all their names." "And they had a man specially to look after them." "Not only provender but also, and this was of vital importance for the Alps are very cold, to make sure their hot-water bottles were always filled up." " (Laughs)" " So, that's history, isn't it?" "Oh. (Speaks Greek)" "Oh, dear." "Something must be done about those poor beetles." "Achilles." "(Larry) Achilles." "(Margo) Achilles." "(Gerry) Achilles." " Achilles." " Master Gerrys." "Spiro, we're looking for Achilles." "Never minds that." "You tells me how many fingers I have." "How manys?" "Oh, Spiro, don't be so silly." "Is not silly." "Is not." "You must be educate." "Your mother will not be happy unless you ares." "Achilles." "(Larry) Achilles." "(Margo) Achilles." "(Sighs) OK." "Achilles!" "Perhaps he's gone back to his family." "India produces what, Gerald?" "Tigers and rice." "And Australia?" "Kangaroos... and sheep." "Quasimodo!" "(George) And the first thing Columbus said when he set foot on American soil was," ""Look, a jaguar."" "That was in 1492." "(Cicadas chirruping)" "(Flapping, squawking)" "Hello, you revolting creature." "Have you come for some music?" "Come here, come here, come here." "That's it." "That's it." "(Quasimodo gobbles)" "There." "(♪ Viennese waltz)" "(Gobbling)" "(Laughing)" "(Record ends)" "(Gobbling)" "He's incredible." "He really loves music." "Well, he's a musical pigeon." "He sits on my face in the night." "I don't think that's a good idea." " Cruel to pigeons, you mean?" " (Margo) You pig." " Might help her spots." " (Gerry laughs)" "Mother, be careful about what you buy next." "Those rose beetles are all over the house." "But darling, we couldn't let them stay tied to that man's hat." "(Gerry) Achilles, Achilles, where are you?" "Morning, Gerry." "I think that's how it sounded outside Troy." " Is he learning anything?" " I don't know." "I try my best." "But it gets very difficult to turn everything to animals." "It's the only way he'll listen, though." "Well, I'm going to the beach." "Good idea." "Start the day with a swim." "(Larry laughs)" "I'm not a teacher, Larry, I'm a writer." "So, the French and the British fleets were slowly drawing together for what was to be the decisive battle of the war." " Date?" " Erm, 1805." "Yes." "Well, er..." "Nelson was already on the deck, bird-watching." " What birds?" " What birds?" "What birds did Nelson see?" "You've beaten me." "(Gerry sighs)" "(Gasps, yelps) Oh, Gerald." "(Roger barks)" "Oh, dear." "Achilles?" "Do you mind if I try something, Gerry?" "Don't think it'd do any good." "Trouble is, you can't feel you're getting anywhere with such a thick shell." "Artificial respiration is supposed to move the body." "Poor Achilles." "Why don't we force strawberries down his throat?" " That won't do any good." " (Margo) Give him something to live for." "(Leslie) Show him what he's missing." " Where did you find him?" " Just there, by the well." "Where will he be buried?" "I think he'd like to lie under a strawberry plant, don't you?" "Awfully good for the strawberries." "Yes." "I think he'd like that." "When will the ceremony take place?" "(Larry) I'll write something." "Thank you, Larry." "Which of us..." "Achilles, proud Achilles, a friend to us all." "Which of us has not felt the tug of his friendship?" "Which of us has not wished he would stay in his tent when we're sunbathing?" "But now, he will no longer come from the sweet william to plague us." "Do we not miss him?" "Indeed we do." "Proud Achilles, our tortoise who loved people." "At least he's spared the indignity of becoming spectacles." "Rest in peace under the strawberries, Achilles." "Quasimodo has arisen." "Sir George, is no goods." " We got to talks." " I beg your pardon?" "(Sighs) This is most ghastly." "I don't like to say these things but it is for everybody's goods." " You say you spoke to George?" " Yes, yes." "He, he has no letters." " Oh, that's, that's very sad." " Mm." "A teacher must have letters." "What, not even a postcard?" "(Sewing machine rattles)" "A postcard?" "I think that's very sad." "(Quietly) Could you...?" "If you could hold it there." "Pull quite hard." "No." "No, er..." "After his names." "No letters." "Er..." "This and that he has been doctors of, or professors of." "Oh, yes." "Now I understand." "Yes." "Yes." "Licences." "(Spiro laughs)" "And, er, diploomas." "A teacher must have diploomas or he knows nothings." "(Gerry and companion chatting)" "I give up." "Well, it's all very well and good and I like being here and going down for a swim with Gerry and Margo and all that sort of thing." "But I have run out of ways to make him learn anything." " Has he beaten you?" " No." "He just needs a proper tutor." "A more patient man than I." "Yes, well, maybe you're right." "Sir George." " Larry." " Goodbye, George." "Oh, George." "Oh, yes." " Gerry." " (Buzzing)" "Gerald, I think you'd better fetch the Rosebeetle Man." "(Muted) The rose beetles are all over the house." "Please come." "Please." "I have no money." "I have no money." "Please." " Larry, have you got the fruit?" " Well, what do you think?" " Of what?" " You know perfectly well what, Larry." "It's lovely." "What is it?" "Oh, I know what it is." "I think you'll probably drown." "It'll get waterlogged and drag you down with it." " It's not." " It can't be." " (Larry) It looks like a badly skinned whale." " You can't wear it, not to swim in." "I certainly can." "And don't be so rude or I shall forbid you all to go." " (Roger barks) - (Gerry) Mother, don't flap it about like that." "I don't care what you say, I am determined to wear it." "(All laughing)" "(Roger barks)" "(Laughing) What you look like, Mother, is a sort of marine Albert Memorial." " (Leslie laughs)" " Come on, Mother." "Come on." " Looks cold." " It isn't cold." "Ah." "Oh, it is cold." "It is..." "Oh." "Ro..." "Roger!" " Gerry, stop him." " (Ripping)" " Oh." " (Laughter)" " (Roger growls) - (Yelps)" "Gerry, do something." "Roger." "He's doing his best to rescue you from that dead whale you're wrapped in." " Good boy, Roger." " (Laughter)" "Oh, Roger." "(Panting) Oh, oh." "Oh." "Oh, look." "Look what he's done." "We can't blame the dog, Mother." "You do look like a sea monster." "Well done, Roger." "We could have been attacked from the sea." "(Growling)" "(All laughing)" "Picnics remind me of camping." "(Larry) You've never been camping in your life." "Oh, yes, I have." "With your father." " When?" " In India." "(Leslie) First I heard of it." "We often used to go camping, sometimes miles and miles into the jungle." "It was quite dangerous." " What, just the two of you?" " Course." " Well, I'm blown." " Oh, it was very exciting." "First of all, the elephants would go off with the marquees and carpets, then the servants would follow with the silver, the linen, the beds and things." " Call that camping?" " Oh, it was." "I'll have you know that on one occasion, an elephant went astray." "Your father didn't have any clean sheets for three days." "He was furious." "My God, that was really roughing it." "Roger, sit down and listen or you won't hear anything." "Everybody on the whole of the island of Corfu is snoring except you and me, Roger, and the sea and the fishes in the sea and the cicadas." "(Whines)" " Swim." " (Barks)" "Yeah!" " Roger, come on." " (Barks)" "They're blennies, Roger." "Come on, Roger." "I'm thirsty." "(Roger barks)" "(Snoring)" "(Snoring)" "Ah, Yani's asleep." "Perhaps if we make enough noise, Roger, we can wake him up." "I know what we can do to wake him up, don't you?" "(Roger yelps)" "(Clucking, squawking)" "(Bleating, barking)" "Good afternoon." "I hope you slept well." "Good afternoon, little lord." "I heard a noise." "There was a noise." "How is your health?" "My health is excellent." "Your health?" "It is likewise." "It is a very hot afternoon." "This afternoon is hot enough to melt a bottle." "Sit." "You will honour me by sitting and eating and drinking with me." "Little lord, you are always on your stomach, whenever I come upon you in the hills, in the grass, wherever." "You are on your stomach, looking at the creatures." "Please, sit." "Aphrodite!" "Aphrodite... (Speaks Greek)" "(Aphrodite replies)" "She slept." "(Speaks Greek)" "It was too hot." "Fruit and drink for the little lord." "Under a rock this morning, curved like the sword of a Turk, surrounded with its own poison." " He was full." " Dead?" "Of course dead." "Drowned in the oil." "That one was a killer." "Observe the quantity of poison." "(Cock crows)" "(Yasi grunts)" " That one was a fighter." " Why?" "You ask why, little lord, I tell you why." "You, who are interested in all the little crawling and scurrying little ones of God, you should know because, one day, when you are on your stomach, observing, some devil such as this one," "perhaps his brother will take it into his head to sting you, that is why." "Yes?" "It may never happen." "It has never happened to me." " But should it..." " Will I die?" " Undoubtedly." " In agony?" " Undoubtedly." " Oh." "In your ear." "You are so close to the ground, it will enter your ear." " Oh." " I knew a young man." "He had drunk new wine, his stomach was warm with it." "He sniffed the sleep in the air." "He looked for shade." "He found it under myrtles." "But while he slept, a scorpion crept into his ear." "And when he woke, it struck." "(Girl laughing)" "What happened?" "First of all, madness." "Then death." "No one heard his agonies." "Just one little bite, little lord." " You may have that." " Thank you." "Why?" "If ever you are bitten." "It is why I never sleep except in a chair." "This oil, rub it on if you are bitten." "(Cock crows)" " Mm." "Nice, eh?" " Mm." "(Speaks Greek)" "Look." "Roger." "(Roger yelps)" "It's a trap door." "A little trap door." "Do you think anything lives there?" "A wasps' nest, perhaps?" "Something like that?" "Nothing at home." "(Scratching)" "Stop that, Roger." " Roger." " (Roger whines)" "Come on." "Home." "(Barking)" "(Mrs Durrell) Mm." "(Gerry) I found something rather intriguing." " Oh, that's nice, dear." " Is it to do with fish, flesh or fowl?" " Darling..." " Insects, I suppose." " ..this is Dr Stephanides." " Theodore." " He, too, is an eccentric lover of nature." " (Laughs)" "He, too, spends a lot of time on his stomach, peering at things." "How do you do?" "You must be Gerry." "I am." "I'm sure they must be nests." "You are?" "Mm." "Round trap doors, which open in the moss." "Mm." "Trap-door spider." "How wonderful." "Perhaps we could verify it if it is not too far away." "Don't let him drag you all over the island." "(Sighs) I must get on." "I must cook something." "Gerry has no conception of distance." "Spiro can take you." "Where is Spiro?" " No." "We would rather walk." " Yes, we would." "Spiro's been behaving very strangely lately." "Yes." "I saw him lurking today." "I mean, there is no other word for it." "He was lurking." " We'll send him after you." " Er, yes." "Don't let him drink any of your wine." "Now then, Gerry." "(Sighs) I can't sit here." "You know, I've never bought wine by the barrel before." "It's very economical." "Yes, isn't it?" "I expect it will last for ever." "(Mrs Durrell sings) ♪ La la di di di ♪" "♪ La ta ta ta ta ti ♪" "(Cicadas chirrup)" "It's up there." "Ah." "Yes." " Huh." " Is it one?" "Erm, yes." "Yes." "Cteniza." "You have discovered the burrows of the trap-door spider." "One has to take great care." "The female holds on to the trap door with her legs and one must take great care..." "Not her legs, rather, her claws." "These are, of course, as you know, the burrows of the female spider." "The burrows of the male, as I said, as you know..." " No." " Oh." "Doctor, I don't know." "Oh, I..." "Theodore, or, er, Theo, among colleagues." "No, of course you don't know, didn't know." "You do know now, hm?" "(Laughs)" "The burrows of the male are smaller." "So, a grasshopper making its way across, or any small insect, prey, the female pops out of her hole and, er, catches the creature." "If you look carefully, you should find others." "They live in colonies." "Ah, now." "♪ La da da la da da da di" "♪ La da di da da di di di" "♪ La ba ba la da di" "♪ La da di di di ♪" " What are you cooking, Mother?" " Something absolutely delicious." "I am inventing it." "I think I'll take the precaution of dosing myself with bicarbonate of soda before we eat this evening." " Look at my scorpion." " Oh." "Oh, darling, I do draw the line at scorpions in the house." " Is it dead?" " Of course it's dead." "Larry, you eat too much." "It's bad for you." "(Mumbles)" "It's all your fault." "I've seen the most marvellous spiders." "As you know, the trap-door spider lives in these wonderful burrows." " Excuse me, dear." " Mrs Durrells, how bitters it is for me to say this." " Spiro, I've been waiting for this." " I've been forgetting things" " because of the tragedies is happenings." " Well, it's not good enough." "No." "I have important pronouncements to make." "What is it, Spiro?" "Is terribles." "Horribles and terrible." "Yes, but what is it?" "I..." "Nothing." "Is nothing." "(Spiro laughs)" "OK." "OK." "Goodbye." "Oh, dear." "I do hope Spiro isn't in love with you as well, Margo, like all those other Greek chaps." "How does the female spider not know when it is the male spider coming over the moss and pop out of its trap door to devour it?" "That is the problem." "There." "That's everything in." " Mother." " Mm?" "Is it wise to just throw everything into the pot?" "Good gracious no, dear." "No, you've gotta know what you're doing." " But Mother, you've..." " Spiro's been behaving very oddly lately, popping up in the oddest places." " Why have you been in the oddest places?" " (Laughing)" "I don't know what you mean." " Larry." " Mm?" "Are you feeling all right?" "No, I think I've got a bit of indigestion." " Are you sure it's indigestion?" " Mm." "You know, I think..." "I think Margo's in love." "Well, I hope it's with someone who can tango." "(Larry laughs)" "(♪ Gramophone:" "Tango)" "(Distant cawing)" "I hope you can't die of eating scorpion poison." "Is no goods." "I'm sorrys to tell you these horrible things, Mrs Durrells, but I wait until she goes into the house before I tells you." "I thinks you oughts to knows." " What is the matter now, Spiro?" " Oh, please, Spiro, don't tell us." " It's Missy Margo." " There, there." "What did I tell you?" " He is in love with Spotty." " (Laughs)" "Young mans, is no laughing matter." "Mrs Durrells, did you knows that she's meeting a mans?" "Yes." "A man?" "Didn't we, boys?" " Yes." " Well, it's news to me." " Meetings, I mean." " Yes, meetings." "Meetings hims." "Oh...oh, yes." " Yes." " Yes." "We...we know that." "Did you knows..." " he's a Turk?" " Yes." "Er, no." " A Turk?" " Oh, we knew that." " Mm." " You knows that?" "Well, no, we didn't." "But what is wrong with being a Turk?" "Mrs Durrells, he's a Turk." "A real Turk." "I wouldn't trust any son of a bitch Turk with any girls." "Is horribles." "He'll cut her throats, that's what he'll do." "Honest to Gods, Mrs Durrells, is not safe." "Missy Margo swimmings with hims." "Her throats." "Her..." "Well, I'll..." "I'll speak to her about it." "I'm glads I tells you." "I thought you oughts to know." "Don't you worry, Mrs Durrells, if he did anything to Missy Margo," "Spiro Americano from Chicago fixes the bastard." " Perhaps we ought to invite him to tea." " (Laughter)" "It's from Theodore." "Dr Stephanides." " He's a real scientist, you know." " When did it arrive?" "Spiro brought it with the post." "Erm, he says, "Not very high magnification but you will find it sufficient for field work."" "It's a microscope." "A real microscope." "(Quietly) Oh, God." "I feel awful." " I've got a fever." " A hangover." "You don't shiver with a hangover." "(Sighs) I'm going to bed." " Come on, Larry, I think you've had enough." " Too much food." "Too much wine." " Are you sure?" " Not enough exercise, that's his trouble." " Where's Mother?" " Outside in the garden, I think." "(Roger yelps)" " Gerry?" " Mother?" " Are you there, dear?" " Yes." " (Loudly) Can you hear me?" " Yes." "Oh, good." "Because I want you to know that more than anywhere else, I want to be buried here, among the bose rushes." "No." "I mean the rose bushes." " Oh." "That's good." " Isn't it, dear?" "Yes." "Much better than all those other places you've chosen." " Mm." " I mean, not so far to go." "No." " Mother?" " Mm." "Larry's not feeling well." "Really?" "You see, I don't know where he wants to be buried." "Mother, Larry's on fire." "(Roger barks)" "Larry's on fire!" "Oh, quick." "Save him." "Larry?" "Larry?" "Oh, good heavens." "No wonder he's..." "Look at that fire." "He said he was cold, so I put more wood on." " Wake up." "For heaven's sake, wake up." " What's...what's the matter?" " (Mrs Durrell) The room's on fire." " Well, get...get Leslie to just put it out." " Well, throw something on it." " Er..." "Oh." "Water, you fool, not brandy." " What the hell's going on?" " (Mrs Durrell) The room's on fire, dear." "Well, there's no reason for me to freeze to death." "Mother, go and get some water with Margo." "Gerry, open a window." "(Sighs) That's right." "There, there." "All done without any fuss." "Now, will someone go and get me a cup of tea?" "I've got a splitting headache." " Larry, you really are as tiddled as an owl." " Absolutely." "Nonsense." "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be burnt in your beds." "(Snoring)" "(Horn)" "(Mrs Durrell) Gerry?" "Gerry, dear, will you be so kind as to give this back to Dr Stephanides?" "Tell him that I enjoyed it immensely but thought the ending rather far-fetched." "(Larry) Far-fetched?" "I should say so." "Larry, I hope your friends aren't going to be too highbrow." " What on earth do you mean?" " Well..." "Poetry and...and...and things." "They're perfectly ordinary, intelligent and stimulating people." " We're in danger of stagnating." " Oh, dear." "Stimulating." "That means I shan't understand a word they say." "You would if you didn't read such lurid trash." "They are not." "They're very good detective stories." "Yes, well, just hide them when my friends are here." "Oh, dear." "I knew they'd be highbrow." "Oh, dear." "(♪ Spiro singing)" "♪ I'll tell her I'm of the novillo" "♪ And live in a great big castillo" "♪ I long for a miss who'll give me a kiss" " ♪ And not say, "Oh, don't be..." "♪ ".." "So sillio" ♪" "Gerry, this is Yasha." "That was my young brother, Gerald." "I suppose he could be called handsome." "No, no." "He's a son of a bitch Turk." "And he's uglys!" "Very, very uglys!" "He's very uglys!" "(Horn)" " Gosh!" " Hm?" "Oh, yes, a rhinoceros beetle." "Ah." "Now look." "There." "You see, this will interest you." "I was looking through my slides before you came, and, as you know, the rat flea..." "There." "Now, can you see?" "The mouthparts." "You should be able to see this with your own microscope, oh, not so well, but if you know Ceratophyllus fasciatus," "I always think a fasciatus..." "If you look, one can almost imagine it to be a human face." "But no, the rat flea." "And here, in the live box..." "Now, this will interest you." "Ah." "Careful not to get your fingers on the subject slide." "Ah." "Now." "What do you say to this?" "Hm." "Cyclops viridis." "The Crustacea family, the same family as crabs and shrimps." "I'll just adjust the..." " Ah, now look." "Can you see the egg sacs?" " Yes." "As you know there are several species of cyclops on Corfu." "I caught this one this morning." "A single eye, hence, as you know, Cyclops, hm?" "Hm." " Hm." " Hm." "Mother." "He's arrived." "Leslie, you are to behave like a gentleman." "Isn't he the handsomest object you've ever seen, and doesn't he know it?" "Where does Margo find them?" "Please." "We must try to be nice to him." " We'll be terribly nice to him, won't we?" " Oh, yes." "Where's Gerry?" "We could do with a box of crawly things." "He's the crawliest thing I've ever seen." "Why doesn't Spiro cut their throats and save us an awful lot of politeness?" "Now, that is enough." "Goodbye." "It's been a pleasure having you." "What are you concerning yourself with at the moment?" "Swallows, as a matter of fact." "As you know, they're incubating." "That is interesting." "What about next Thursday?" "If you are free." " I'm sure to be." " We might take a walk." "See what we can obtain." "There are some fascinating ditches in the Val di Ropa." "Yes." " Thank you." " Not at all." "Ah." " Goodbye." " Yes." "Goodbye." "How nice to meet you." "He kisses hands all the time." "I find it so romantic." "It will be lovely having you." "Well, it's so often to, erm... (Stammers) Days simply fly." "Margo's told us so much about you." " So has Spiro." " Spiro?" " Oh, he's a gangster from Chicago." " Yes, a good shot." "Oh, much better with a Tommy gun than I am." "Yes, but like all Greeks he prefers the knife." " Stop it, you two." " Yes, do." " Do have a scone." " So kind." " Is he talking to you?" " No, I think he means himself." " Yasha is on holiday here." " That's amazing." "You know, I had a holiday once." "I remember it quite clearly." "Sugar?" "Sugar in your tea?" " So kind." " He said it again!" "He does mean himself!" "You know, Leslie, we're so lucky." " That he can spare the time?" " Absolutely." "Hello, dear." "Have you had a good time?" "Yes." "The most interesting thing was the mouthparts of a rat flea, as a matter of fact." "Oh." " Theo sent this for you." " Thank you." "Ah, Spiro." "This is a friend of Margo's." "Yes." "I knows him." "You write, I believe." "Yes." "Yes." "He writes away, day after day." "Always tapping at the typewriter at, erm... at something or other." "I always feel I could write superbly if I tried." "Really?" "Well, it's a gift, I suppose, like so many things." "No accounting for who brings...has...gifts." "Yes." " He swims superbly." " Yes, I do." " Goes out terribly far." " Not far enough." "Yes." "I have no fear." "I am the superb swimmer so I have no fear." "It is the same when I ride the horse." "I ride superbly, for I have no fear." "I can also sail the boat wondrously and through the typhoon magnificently without fear." "You see, I am not a fearful man." "I, er..." "I'm astonished to meet you." "Leslie?" "(Leslie) Er...excuse us." "(Gunshot)" "Would you be so kind as to accompany me to the cinema tomorrow evening?" " Would I?" " Would you like to, dear?" " I don't know." " Well, if you want to, why not?" " Yes." " Yes." "And I'll come with you." "You look lovely, dear." "You're going to have a jolly evening, Mother." " I can't let her go on her own." " Especially with a Turk." "(Imitates Spiro) Oh, no, they are sons of bitches." "Shut up, Larry." "I haven't been to the pictures in years." "(Woman) Tell us, what happened?" "You're hurt." "(Man) No, no, it's nothing." "(Woman) What is it?" "Tell me?" "Thйrиse, I can't tell you." "It's a duel." "Another woman." "(Man) There's no other woman for me." "There never has been." "(Thйrиse) Then why can't you tell me?" "I can keep a secret." "I'm not just any woman." "I'm the woman you're going to marry." "(Mrs Durrell) It was awful!" "(Laughter)" "I'm so glad you've come back." "We thought you'd flown with him." "Even now, galloping behind him on a camel to Constanople." " Constantinople." " That's what I said." "Yashmaks rippling seductively in the breeze on the Bosphorus." "It was awful." "(Man) Those who accept the oath, step forward." "As you please." "By the imperial clemency, the eldest will be shot first, then the next eldest." "His Majesty gives the younger infidels time to change their minds." "(Drums)" "Comrades!" "♪ Sing the song of liberty" "♪ Feel it rising to the sky ♪" "(♪ Singing continues)" "( Gunfire)" "(♪ Singing continues)" "(Mrs Durrell) I got a flea!" " What sort of flea?" " I don't know." "I couldn't scratch." "I had to press my back against the seat." "Really, everybody must have noticed." "(Mrs Durrell) In the first interval he went out and came back laden with Turkish Delight." " I thought that was very sweet of him." " It was so sticky." "We were covered in white sugar." "I got the most fearful thirst." "Yes." " Hey." "You behave yourself." "Or I..." " ( Gunfire)" "(♪ Singing)" "( Gunfire)" "(♪ Singing continues)" "( Gunfire)" "Freedom!" "♪ Close the ranks and join the call" "♪ Join the fighters passing by ♪" "And in the second interval, he...he brought flowers." "I mean, who ever heard of flowers in a cinema?" "But worst of all was the journey home." "(Yasha sings tunelessly) ♪ My dance" "♪ She promised to save it for me" "♪ My dance" "♪ I'm waiting but where can she be?" "♪ Here all alone" "♪ In the crowd I stand" "♪ And pretend that I have come just to hear the band" "♪ By chance two shadows I see on the lawn" "♪ A glance that tells me where my dance has gone" "♪ Now I can see" "♪ That she wasn't for me" "♪ So I'll forget romance" "♪ As she forgot my dance ♪" "(Speaks Turkish)" "He's Greek." "He doesn't understand." "I speak many languages." "I study everything." "Yes, but what did you say?" "You will be most amused." "I said, "I fear you will not reach Mecca, oh nomad," ""for the road which you follow leads to Turkistan."" "(Laughs)" "Gee up, driver." "Gee up." "Took hours to get home." "Hours." " (Driver speaks Greek) - (Yasha replies)" "He says he cannot go any further because of the hill." " I must come with you." " That won't be necessary." " I have no fear of serpents." " I'm sure you haven't." "Neither have I. Good night." "You cannot go up the hill." "The forests are full of serpents." "But I have no fear of them." "I am fearful of nothing!" " Did he mean snakes?" " I suppose so." "We didn't see any." "I thought we were going to have to ask him in." " Why didn't you?" " Didn't need to." " (Whispers) Aristotle." " Spiro." "Shh!" "(Speaks Greek)" "(Yasha) Stop at once!" "Thank goodness he never reached the door, otherwise politeness would have demanded that we invite him in and he'd still be here." " How fearful!" " And I'd still be desperate for a scratch." "Oh, Margo, you must be more careful in future over your choice of boyfriends." " I couldn't go through all that again." " But he was so handsome." "It could take me a long time to get over this, I'm afraid." "Well into the middle of next week, I imagine." "(Laughter)" "You want a rides into town, Turk?" "I takes you for a rides." "But it will cost you very much monies." "Very much." " Gerry... (Speaks Greek)" " Good morning!" "(Speaking Greek)" "(Frank Crumit recording) ♪ I'll find me a fair seсorita ♪" "♪ Not thin and yet not too much meat-a" "(Sings along) ♪ I'll woo her a while in my Argentine style" "♪ I'll carry her off of her feet-a ♪" "Hey!" "Master Gerrys!" "I frightens that Turk so much he skedaddles the countries!" "I tells him, "Get out, you bums, or you gets a cement overcoat!"" "These are for your mother." " Nice, eh?" " ♪ She told me her name was Estrella" "♪ She said, "Stick around me, young fella" "♪ "For mosquitoes, they bite" "♪ "And they're awful tonight" "♪ "And you smell just like citronella"♪" " Well, they're coming." " Oh, how nice for you, dear." "You'd better let the Swiss pension know how many and when." " I do hope they're not too arty." " Pension Suisse?" "Why?" "So they can reserve the rooms." "Well, I've invited them here to stay with us." " Where?" " Here." "Where are they going to sleep?" "Oh, I've sorted all that out." "Les and Margo can sleep in the olive press and you and Gerry have the drawing room." "No fear." "Margo can't sleep in the olive press." "She's a young girl." " No fears." " Who asked you, Spiro?" "(Laughs) You listen to your mother." " How many?" " Uh..." "Three or four." "Four or five." " You can write and tell them not to come." " I can't." "They're on their way." "Look!" " Take that awful thing out." " They're on their way?" "Well, if they are, they've got to be stopped." "This villa is too small." "I didn't know you were going to treat the arrival of a few friends as a catastrophe." " Spiro will have to find us a bigger one." " Big bathrooms." " The English always want bathrooms." " Yes, certainly with..." "No!" " We're not going to move because you..." " We're living like hermits." " I don't want to move." " I'm only thinking of you, Mother." "You used to like having people around you." "They're a charming crowd." "Charming." "I only asked them for you." "I thought they might liven things up a bit for you." " Quite lively enough, thank you." " Mr Larrys." "Your mother is a saint." " How many?" " Friends?" "One or two." "At a time." "I expect they'll come in batches." "If you reckon on seven or eight you can always stretch it to ten, whereas if you think small you're certain to be disappointed." " With us?" " With us what?" "Seven or eight with us?" "Me, Gerry, Margo and, I suppose, Leslie." " Suppose Leslie what?" " You're not including him." "Us." " That's 13." " What is?" "We can't possibly fit 13 people into this villa." "Then there's a solution." "Spiro will have to find us another one." " No!" " No." "Why?" "We're not going anywhere until the swallows have grown and flown hence." " Is that a Greek proverb?" " Yes." "There are manys." " I won't have it, Larry." " Have what, Mother?" " Larry has invited hordes of his friends." " Not hordes." "I can never understand a word they say." "And they're all effeminate." "Just because they don't shoot everything that moves and some things that don't." "That's a good test of character." "Or lack of it." "Yes." "Jolly queer lot." "Ballet dancers, that sort of thing." "Yes." "Writers, that sort of thing." "Queer poems." "What is that on my toast?" "It's all right." "It's one of Gerry's." "And that's another thing." "If we move, what about his lessons?" "He'll still have lessons." "And if we're in a bigger villa, more of them." "I don't quite see your reasoning, dear." "I nearly buttered the blasted thing." "(Theo) Hm, thought it was." "The oil beetle." "A female." "It lays its eggs in the soil, little yellow eggs, and when the larvae hatch out they climb up the stems of the nearest flowers into the blooms, into the tucks of the petals." "And there they wait for a bee." "And if they're lucky, the bee is a female collecting honey for her egg chamber." "The larvae hitches a ride." "He's sealed into the cell with the egg and the honey, eats it and, er...develops." "Meloi pro scarabaeus." "How peculiar." "Hitching a ride on a bee." "Pegasus with a sting in the tail." "Talking of horses, did I ever tell you of my triumphant entry into Smirna?" "When we, er..." "That's in Turkey." "When we won in the last war..." "Well..." "Not a good rider." "But I was told I had to lead my battalion into, erm..." "Yes." "So I did." "A triumphal column led by a man on a white horse." "Er...me." "Well, er..." "As you know, in Greece we throw scent, rose-water, that sort of thing, over conquering heroes." "It, er...got in his eye." "My white horse went off like a rocket, me hanging on like grim death." "I was caught, of course." "Told to clear off." "No white horse." "No me." "Yes." "Left to slink through the back streets, reeking of rose-water." "And, well..." "No such thing." "No horses, triumphant or otherwise, stinking of rose-water or anything else." "No." "Never been on a horse since." "No such thing in the next one." "Hm..." "Hm." "That's why I want to see as many of my friends as I can." "Soon." "(Theo) Yes." "I've made up my mind." "We are not moving to another villa." "(Mrs Durrell) We are not moving." "(Margo) That bag on the... (Mrs Durrell) The yellow one?" "Yes, darling." "What I'm worried about is the keys of the new villa." "(Spiro) Yes, I've got them." "(Mrs Durrell) Gerry, have you got all the things packed?" " Yes." " Thank you." "(All talk at once)" "Sit on my knee, Gerry." " Everybody there?" " All in?" " Come on, Larry." " OK, Mrs Durrells?" " Yes." " Move over, Margo." " OK?" " OK!" "All right." "(Speaks Greek quietly)" "(Speaks Greek) .." "Mrs Durrell." "Ooh. (Speaks Greek) .." "Lugaretzia." "Thank you." "(Shutter creaks)" "(Lugaretzia sighs)" "(Speaks Greek)" "Hm." "Am feeling sick." "(Speaks Greek)" "(Speaks Greek) .." "Mr Lawrence." " How are you?" " (Speaks Greek)" "Foolish of me to ask, I suppose." "Good morning, Lugaretzia." "Good morning, little lord." "Here is your tea." "(Speaks Greek)" "I would recommend bicarbonate of soda." "Soda?" "Uh." "(Speaks Greek)" " Come on, Roger." " (Roger barks)" "(Gunshot)" "Is that one of them?" "(Larry) Who do you mean?" "Has he come to stay?" "Course he's come to stay." "I've invited him." "(Italian accent) I have come to you!" " (Laughing)" " Oh, it's wonderful to see you." "(Both laughing)" "(Distant gunshot)" "What a wonderful villa." "What a lot of wine." "I think he's madmans." "He drinks." "Well, he's a poet, Spiro." " (Gunshot)" " Oh, blessed!" "(Animated chatter)" "Oh!" "This house is riddled with rot." " (Gunshot)" " Mm!" "(Gunshot)" "Death to the tyrants!" "(Barks)" "(Whimpers)" "Look, it's a tortoise waking up." "It's only got one eye." "Madame Cyclops." "There are dozens of them." "Wonderful." "Absolutely wonderful." " Salutй." " Salutй." " Would you like some fruit, Gerry?" " No, thank you." "Thank you, Lugaretzia." "Has everyone had enough?" " Er, Leslie, dear?" " Thank you, Mother." "It was lovely." "Ah!" "(Both laughing)" "Lugaretzia, you laughed." "She did!" ""And the maidens they smiled, their lives awakened by the call of their hearts" ""and the ardour of the poets!"" "(Laughs)" "Lugaretzia, is...is your stomach settled at last?" " Oh, don't ask her, please." " Thank you, please." "(Laughing)" "(Door opens and closes)" "The tortoises have all wakened up from hibernation and have started mating." "(Snoring)" "Larry, your friend is asleep." "Oh, yes." " Who is he?" " He's a poet, dear." "An elderly and distinguished poet." "(Snoring)" "Oh, no!" "Oh... (Snoring)" "Some of my friends are younger and much more boisterous." "We can't have people to stay if everything falls to pieces." "We shall have to buy more furniture." "Really, these guests are going to be the most expensive we've ever had." "(Snoring continues)" "(Spiro) I figures it this way, I gets them for half the prices you gots to pay." "You must not be seated." "They all laughs at Spiro Americano the bum if you are seated." "I buys them for you." "I am the only one who can seat you." "Here." "Shh." "Good morning." "If you ask me, Theodosius, you should have the bonfires out of all these junks." " Spiro, go away." " But this man will seat you." " This man will kill you, Spiro!" " (Gerry) Quite right." " How do you say "that's too much", Gerry?" " I tell you, he is a swindler!" "You say, "Afto ine para poli."" " It is not too much, little lord." " I'm afraid it is." " It is very afto ine para... indeed." " Poli." "That's rights!" "That is not rights." "Go back to the car, Spiro, and wait for us there." "Mrs Durrells, his father was a swindler before him, and his grand..." "Spiro..." "OK, Mrs Durrells." "You are the bosses." "I wait for you." "Afto poli." "Everything is." "Mother, Gerry, I think there's a fiesta." "St Spiridon." "All days peoples comes here from everywhere in the world all days." "And they go into the church to kiss the feets of St Spiridon and all your pains go...foo!" "His body does this through his feets carried through the town all days." "His holy body, all days." "Poof!" "(♪ Marching tune)" "I'm sure we can come to a satisfactory arrangement." "I'll send Spiro with a list." "Er, come along, Margo." "Gerry?" "(♪ Marching tune continues)" "(Church bells)" "(♪ Band plays sombre tune)" "(Whispers)" "(♪ Choir chanting softly)" "(Whispering) Gerry!" "Gerry." "Gerry." "Gerry!" "Gerry!" "(Whispering) Tell her not to kiss the feet." "What?" "Not to..." "Kiss the air." "The..." "Don't kiss the feet, kiss...the air." "Nots the feet." "Margo, don't kiss the feet." "(Kisses)" "Thank you." " Well, I hope it works." " He looked like a silver chrysalis." "Did you see his face, Margo?" "No, I thought it not wise to look up." "He's been dead for centuries, I gather." "Oh, dear, I nearly fainted." "Ah." "Those shepherds, I mean, I..." "They lifted me up." "I like garlic but it positively emanates from them!" "Nothing wrong with a clove or two but..." "What a crush." "St Spiridon is the patron saint of the island." "I am gives his name, Spiro." "Did you think he was like a chrysalis?" " I just hope it works." " What?" " Cure my spots." " Not likely." "Give you more, I imagine." "You see, Margo, if you kisses the feet all is cured, yes?" " (Mrs Durrell) You didn't?" " Acne should be easy for a saint." "But I told you not to. "Kiss the air," I said." "Heaven knows what germs were lurking in even live feet." " Hundreds of people kissed them." " Well, I didn't like not to." "Everybody else was doing it." " Gerry?" " I didn't." "I dread to think what you're in for, Margo." "Well, a hot bath is the first thing." "You'll be lucky not to have something quite impossible." "(Snoring)" "Don't do anything to wake him up." "(Larry) So your day was all right?" "(Woman) It was a bit hot." "(Larry) Yes, it is hot." " Ah, mother." "Erm...this is Jonquil." " Hello." " How do you do?" " Michael." " Hello." " And Durant." " How do you do?" " (Yowls)" "(Grunts)" "(Mrs Durrell) How do you do?" "(German accent) I am shattered." "I want to work but I am in a state of acute shatter." "Durant has had an experience." "I truly have." "I would rather not relate it until I am completely rested." " Oh, of course." " What a journey." "Why don't you sit down?" "I damn the night, I am eager for the light." "I am captivated by the colour and I cannot wait to plunge into it." "They're artists, dear." "Don't talk about bleeding' work, you haven't done a scrap." "Not picnics, that sort of thing, I wanna work." "I know just what I'm going to do." "I've ordered a canvas." "A huge one!" "(Spiro) This is the doctor's." "That's going to take ages." "Leslie, how long do painters take?" "Don't ask me, they're Larry's friends." "How do you do, Mrs Durrell?" "Ah!" "Er, my daughter has a temperature of 102, doctor." "And it's all due to your blessed saint." "She foolishly kissed his feet." "Ah, pa, pa, pa, pa." "Let's see, let's see." "(Barking)" "Ahh, it's Madame Cyclops." "We've seen her before." "This must be her nest." "Look, Roger." "It's Margo's fault that he has to go." "Zatopec must be very careful about his health." "Won't find him doing silly things like kissing saint's feet." "(Mrs Durrell) No, something much worse, I should imagine." "You're not trying to make my friends very welcome." "Yes, I am." "I cook immense meals." "But you don't even...talk to them." "I have nothing to say to them." "I mean, look..." "look at that." "What can I have to say about that?" "It's a blank." "Michael...hasn't been able to... (Sighs) He hasn't been able to..." "Oh, look, he's trying." "Oh!" "(Yawns)" "Oh. (Sneezes)" "It's coming." "Don't talk to me about bleeding' work, I'm trying to get some done meself." "Oh, God, I can't tell you..." "She will be better." "Much better now." "Pa, pa, pa, pa." " But never, never the feets again." " (Whimpers)" "Pa, pa, pa, pa." "Look, this will cheer you up." "Oh, Gerry, go away." "A tortoise egg." "And look, a scorpion with hundreds of babies." "She's given birth." "Look at them clinging to her body." "I said, go away." "(Sniffs)" "(Whimpers)" "I'm ready at last." "I would've started today but the light went." "How can you torture me?" "How does he torture you?" "Durant has had an unfortunate experience." "Tell all." "I was shattered." "It was in Italy." "It was as if yesterday!" "It was a masterpiece, I was painting." "An almond orchard in the full bloom." "The blooms of the trees, full and... and thick." "It was masterpiece." "I work all the day and tear myself away for the night." "Sleep like the babe, it was so good." "Then I was fresh for the morning and I returned to the masterpiece." "I was stricken." "It was gone." "The blossom was on the ground." "The wind...poof!" "Gone." "I was shattered." "I swore I would never paint again." "Oh!" "How sad." "How frightful." "How..." "But slowly I am recovering my nerves." "I can go on." "Day by day I feel less shatter." "Sometime I will paint the masterpiece again." "Sometime..." "It was as if yesterday." "Come now, it can't have been that bad." "Have you thought of pulling yourself together?" " (Sneezes)" " Bless you." "How long ago was this dreadful experience?" "As if yesterday." "It was two years ago and it is still as if yesterday." "It is the fate of the artist..." "I've something very interesting to show you." "Oh... (Sighs)" "It's terribly...hot." "(Sighs)" "Oh, dear." " Did you have a fright?" " I've just recovered from syphilis." "I lost all my hair in Athens." "Syphilis...?" "Larry, I'd like a word with you." "I have not been able to obtain eyebrows and wig to match." "But I'm sure I will in Paris." "It's disgusting." "You allow that woman into my house with a disgusting disease like syphilis." " You call her a friend?" " She's not a friend." "She's just a character I invited here to study." "Gerry is a child." "You invite her and we all catch it, Gerry as well, while you take notes." "You won't catch it, unless you share a bed." "Don't be revolting." "What about Margo's flu?" "My friends might catch that." "That's not the same as syphilis!" "Michael's caught something and Zatopec fled." " Gerry?" " Yes, mother?" "Don't sit next to that woman." "I'm not." "I'm standing here." " There is syphilis..." " Don't say that word in front of Gerald." "I'll explain it later." "We ought to go back." " Our friends might think something's wrong." " Yes, well, something is." "I've had enough food now, Mother." "Can I go outside?" "Yes, dear." "Wash your hands." "He tortures me." "I have nothing... lt came to me just as the sun was going down." " What did?" " Michael's got a subject." "I was looking at the sun." "Suddenly I thought, yes, sun!" "Wonderful." " Have I missed something?" " Don't you understand, Mother?" "Michael has had a revelation!" "He's seen the sun." "Trust you to scoff, Leslie." "You don't know anything." "Michael's not talking about any old sun... he's talking about...the essence of sun." " Oh, my God, scorpions!" " (Screaming)" "Kill the vermin!" "Kill or be killed!" " Now, now, keep calm!" "Keep calm!" " Leslie, do something." "To your right, Jonquil, to your right!" "Oh!" "Leslie, dear!" "Oh!" "My wig!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "They're in my wig!" "(Screaming)" "What on earth's going on?" "(All) Gerald!" "(Engine starts)" "Is there enough room?" "Oh!" " There we are." " (Larry) Thank you for coming." " Goodbye." " (All) Goodbye!" "(Gunshot)" "(Theo) ♪ I've travelled this wide world all over" "♪ And now to another I'll go" "♪ For I know that good quarters are waiting" "♪ To welcome old Rosin the Bow" "(♪ Hums)" "The perfect night for it." "Yes." "What did you say?" "Theodore said it was the perfect night for it." "For what?" "For a jolly moonlight swim." "You don't swim." " Ah." "But if I did." " (Laughter)" "Erm, why are we going in circles?" "Oh, because Mother doesn't know how to steer." "Well, if you feel you can do any better, Margo, you may take the rudder." "Yes." " All right?" " Yes." "Rocks!" " Oh, where?" " There." "Oh, sorry." "I can never remember if it's left to go left, or left to go right." " Shall I take over?" " No, no, no." " Leslie." " No, it's all right." "I've got the hang of it now." "Have any of you ever been to Albania before, dare one ask?" "Margo, we're going towards Albania now." "(Margo) Oh, sorry." "(Gerry) Now we're going towards the rocks." "(Larry) Not towards the rocks, a little bit more towards Albania." "(Gerry) Rocks!" "(Theo) Just a touch... (Larry) A...a bit more towards Albania!" "Rocks, rocks, rocks." "No, no, no, just keep it there." "(Gerry) Albania!" "(Larry) Rocks!" "Shouldn't it be port and starboard?" " Do you know what port and starboard are?" " Well, no." "Of course not." "But shouldn't it be?" " Rocks!" " Oh." "(Gerry) I ought to have a boat of my own, so that I can do things in it on my own, and have voyages alone, and become acquainted with the creatures of the sea without going round and round in circles." "ln fact, if anybody wants to know what I want for my birthday," "I want my own boat." "Look." "(Theo) Ah, yes." "A firefly." "(Leslie) There's thousands of them." " Good morning, Spiro." " Good mornings." "Oh." "Sh." " Closes your eyes at once." " What?" "You're not supposed to know that I'm bringing woods." "I do hope Leslie knows what he's doing." "This piece of wood's got a hole in it." "Sh." "I should never have started this." "It's growing like a blasted liner." " The Greeks are great seamans." " Well, so are the British." "It's OK." "I have not told him what he is gottings." "He knows what he's gotting, Spiro, what he doesn't know is what it's gonna look like." "Well, neither do I, exactly." "Well, still, it...it's wood." "It should float." "(Margo) Mother." "In here, dear." "Erm, we thought, Peter and I, that it was about time Gerald got back to learning things." "Peter?" " That's right." " Have we met?" "No." "No, we haven't, Mrs Durrell." " How do you do?" " Don't start all that." "Mother, this is Peter." "He ought to teach Gerry, he knows everything." " He's been to Oxford." " So have I." "Twice." "(Laughs)" "It-it was suggested that you might like a tutor for Gerald." "Er, me, I suggested it." "Oh." "Er, will you suit?" "Oh, no, I can see that you're quite a nice looking young man, but will you suit?" "Gerry is odd." " But he's quite nice, really." " Well, I am qualified to teach." "I have a degree." "(Speaks Greek)" " You're not a dentist by any chance?" " Oh, no." "Arts." "(Lugaretzia) Oh!" "Lugaretzia needs a dentist." "I suppose we'll have to take her to a Greek one." "Well, she's got Greek teeth." "Look." "It's an owl." "Just a baby, really." "Oh, isn't he sweet?" " It's a bit ugly." " He's very brave." "I shall call him Ulysses." "It's about time you two became friends." "(Roger whimpers)" "Come on, Roger." "Make friends." "(Twitters)" "(Whimpers)" "(Lugaretzia) No!" "Ooh!" "I suggested that she might go to a dentist, that's all." "Have you had your, er...birthday list from Gerry yet?" "Cheeky little devil." " Yes." " Books on bats and snakes and things." " Dozens of them." " What does it say on mine?" "Er..." ""Five wooden cases glass-topped and cork..." Ah, he still can't spell." "There's a young man called Peter coming in to deal with that." "Margo found him." "Mm?" ""Two dozen test tubes, five pints of methyl...meth-y-lated spirits," ""five pints of formalin and a microscope."" "Where I'll find all that I don't know." "Don't get him everything." "I'm not." "I always get him everything if I can." " Was that him?" " Who?" "This Peter chap, hand-in-hand with Margo in the garden." "Almost certain to be. (Sighs)" "(Laughs) Mm-mm." "Margo." "Shouldn't Peter be giving Gerry lessons in..." "in something?" "Spelling." "You know, there's the oddest smell in my room." "Do you think it could be that owl?" "Where does it do its business?" "I don't know, dear." "I'd really rather not think about it." "Never again." "Why we pander to that boy, I don't know." "I should never have started it." "Having trouble?" "I thought you knew all about boats." "I do!" "Don't know much about Greek nails, that's all." "I suspect they're all second-hand, been straightened by some cousin of Spiro's." "Who should we get to deal with Lugaretzia's teeth?" " Well, I'm too busy." " Oh, Leslie, be serious." "Her teeth are a torment to her." "I hope you're not going to expect Peter to spend all his time in the bug house with Gerry." "(Sighs)" "(Sighs)" "We're not going to spend all our time this summer indoors, are we, Peter?" "I mean, you are smitten with Margo, aren't you?" "Mm?" "Thought you were." "Everyone like you is." "Why don't you go off and look at flowers and things?" "(Sighs)" "Poetry, things like that." "Swimming, Margo loves swimming." "Turn to page..." "What is that smell?" "(Sniffs)" "Yes." "I think you ought to keep a diary." "There's no point in me going over things again and again as I have been doing, nouns, verbs, adverbs, fractions, percentages, that sort of thing, when you could learn far more by applying your skill." "That's it, you must keep a diary." "I do." "Look." "I put everything into it." "That's what I've done today already." "I'm rather interested with creatures of the night at the moment, bats and owls." "Mm." "Would you rather I wrote a book?" "(Peter) Hmm." "What a good idea." "Aaaaagh!" "Pah, pa, pa, pa." "All have to be extracted." "The entire...entire...every one." "Thus will her body be purged of ailment." "She will sleep better also." "And her stomach will calm." "In every sense she will be sublimely happy to get rid of them." "Oh, dear." "Will you tell her, doctor, or should I?" "Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa." "It will be best if she discovers it over the next few days, as if by accident." "Huh?" "It'll all be over in a minute, Lugaretzia." " Just one good pull." " Aaaagh!" "(Laughs)" "What's that awful smell in the house?" " I don't know." " I'm sure it's that dog." "It isn't the owl." "Hmm." "Has he asked you to his birthday party?" "Well...yes." "Well, I'll ask you as well, just to make sure." "Good afternoon." "Oh." "(Honks horn)" "(Lugaretzia moans)" "I do hope she's not going to be sick." "Out!" "She must get out if she's going to be sick." "(Speaking Greek)" "What did she say?" "I asked her how she was going to be able to eat and she said not to mention it." "More to the point, how will she be able to help me prepare the food for tomorrow?" "I said that you could each have ten guests thinking that you'd each invite the same ten." "You haven't, have you?" " Hundreds are coming." " Good." "But of course the presents I will be getting will be quite useless for my purposes." "You mean nothing to do with bugs and flying crawly things?" "Precisely." " What is that awful smell in the house?" " Don't ask me." "Larry says that he can actually smell it in his room now." "It's nothing to do with me or Roger." "(Moans)" "Lugaretzia's going to be useless for days." "She is a useless womans." "Never you mind, Mrs Durrells, you leave everything to me." "I have friends who have been butlers to the kings of Greeces." "They will fix it." "(Twittering)" "The only way out of this would be to let Larry die." "And I'd rather not do that." "After all, he is my brother." "(Sniffs)" "I think it must be something of mine, Ulysses." "I hope it's not my chicken." "I would hate it to be the four-legged chicken as that is totally irreplaceable." "(Peter) Oh." "Hasn't he grown?" "Ulysses." "Yes." "Quite quickly." "He's got very fluffy." "If he doesn't like you, he ruffles himself out." "Yes, I thought so." "It's my bat." "Hm?" "(Sniffs) Oh!" "No wonder Larry can smell it in his room." "I stuffed it myself." "I must admit, it has been looking rather dejected lately." " Can you smell it?" " Ooh!" "Gerry." "It is awful, isn't it?" " Did you cure it properly?" " I thought I had." "Oh, I think you'd better get rid of it." "We can always get another one." "I'll show you how to cure it properly this time." "Don't tell them, will you?" "Larry and the others, I mean." "I don't think they'd understand, just that it isn't Roger or Ulysses." "They've been very good about Ulysses." "Oh, Margo." "(Mrs Durrell) Oh." "There you go, Larry." "Is the boat finished?" "Oh, almost." "What are we going to do about him?" " Margo's swain?" " Mm, very wet, isn't he?" "I think he's ghastly." "Do you think they're getting too fond of each other?" " Well, it's a familiar pattern." " What about the last one?" "He had to go." "You'll never let me shoot them, will you?" "I can't see." "Are they...kissing each other?" "Either that or eating one another." "Margo." "Last one was a Turk, wasn't he?" "Hmm." "I don't know what they see in her." "I'll have to have a word with her." "She ought to stop leading young men on and just get on with it." " Might help her spots." " Larry." " Well, don't you think so?" " No, I do not." "She's much too young to... get on with it." "Well, it's because he's English." "If he was another Turk, Spiro would have sorted him out by now." "They ought to be sent to Athens to live together for as long as it lasts." "Anywhere far enough away for us not to have to watch." "I'd rather blow his brains out." " (Mrs Durrell tuts) Leslie." " Well, wouldn't you?" "I don't believe in this free love of Larry's." "There's a price to pay for everything, you know." "No." "Better to get it over and done with quickly." "Bang." "Will you marry me?" "Oh, Peter." "Oh, Margo." "I..." "I'm not capable of saying." "Oh, Margo." "Oh, Peter." "Oh, Gerry, you little thing!" "OK." "This must be the best birthday party there has ever been." "You must both work very hard." "I have said, "Leaves all to Spiro," to Mrs Durrells, who is a...a saint, a Madonna." "Lugaretzia, you must forget all about your bleeding gums." "(Gibbers)" "(Angry exchange in Greek)" "(Chokes)" "You must remember you are the ex-butler to the kings of Greeces, and you must not drink!" "The honour of Spiro is at stake." "Work, work, work!" "Work!" "Work." "Thank you." "You must forget all this nonsense about marriage, Margo." "Well, I haven't shot a man yet." "But I'm not adverse to doing so." " Look." " Aw. (Laughs)" "More animals." "Isn't he sweet?" "Doesn't Peter look handsome?" "He bought a new suit." "Yes, he looks very smart." " Oh, dear Gerry." " (Puppy whimpers)" "You're the only one who understands." "One false move and you're a dead man." "I am so sorry I'm late, but my wife has just been delivered of a baby." " Oh, congratulations." " Thank you." "We must drink to them both." "Ah." " Lugaretzia." "Thank you." " Thank you." "What's this, doctors?" "You gets babies?" "A boy." "A boy, Spiro." "But you got lots and lots alreadys." " How many this time?" " Six." " That's all." " That's all?" "That's all, that's all?" "You ought to be ashamed of yourself." "Six." "But I love children." "Yes, how nice." "Is too manys, Mrs Durrells." "Maybe it's all right for cats and dogs." "(Laughs)" "Listen, listen, listen." "When I get married..." "I ask my wife, "How many you wants?"" "And she says twos." "So I give her twos." " Then I get her sewed up." " (Snorts)" "Honest to Gods, it's disgusting, it's like cats and dogs." "Six." " Six!" " Oh, the cake." "Where's Gerry?" "(Cheering)" "(Speaks Greek)" "Happy birthday!" "(♪ Fiddle plays a jig)" "(Guests) Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey." "Hey." "Hey, Theo." "Hey, Spiro." "Come on." "Do you like it?" "Really?" "It's wonderful." "The best boat and the best present I've ever had." "Do you like the colour?" "It's green and white inside." "Tell you what, though, it was jolly hard work." " Wonderful." " Come on, lads." "A little further along." " I suppose we should wait." " Right." "After three." "Right." "One, two, three." "(Cheering and applause)" "(Theo) Well done." "Flat-bottomed, you see, very safe." "It's not like an ordinary boat." "It's round, isn't it?" "Yes, well, the planks came up a bit short." "But it's the best shape there is for a boat with regard to safety, because in an emergency you can go anywhere you like." "It looks wonderful." "It looks just like a dung beetle." "(Laughter)" " Why don't you call it the Jolly Roger?" " No, not a good name." " Are you sure it's safe?" " Safe as houses." "It needs a sort of fat name." " Er, Arbuckle?" " Oh, yes." "Oh, tasteless." " Ark." "Call it Ark." " No." "Oh, all right." "Here, Margo, you get hold of the nose." "Give her the rope, Larry." " And yes, Peter." " Yes?" "Make yourself useful while Gerry thinks of a name, then we can christen her." " If you jump in." " But this is a new suit." "In the boat, you fool, not the water." "We must breaks the bottles." "Right now, you see..." " Oh!" " Careful." " All right?" " You see that socket there, Peter?" "Yes, the one in front, yes, that's it." "Put the mast in there." " In the socket." " Oh, I see it." "Yes." "Good lord, he's done it." "I know, I shall call it Bootle." " (Mrs Durrell) Oh, that's a good name, dear." " I have heard of it." "I was gonna suggest Bumtrinket." "Why?" "Well, it's a very fat name, Bumtrinket." "(Mrs Durrell) I've told you, Larry, you're not to teach Gerry things like that." "Wonderful." "I shall call it the Bootle Bumtrinket." "Not in front of strangers, if you don't mind." " All right." "Well, she's ready to christen now." " Yes." "Here is the wines, Gerry." " I name this ship the Bootle Bumtrinket." " (Cheering)" "(Screams) Oh, Peter!" "(Laughter)" "Well, what do you know?" " You want to drown him on purpose!" " (Leslie) It's not deep enough." "(Larry) Oh, I don't know." "A man can drown in a couple of inches." "(All laugh)" "Oh, I hate you all!" "He'll drown!" "He'll drown!" "(Laughs) Oh, you are the most dreadful boys." "(Gerry) Thank you, Leslie." "It's the most wonderful present." "You forgot the mast..." "Well, I think perhaps my present is, erm..." "Well, er, many happy returns of the day." "A small memento." "Perhaps in the circumstances, a welcome addition to your library." " Life In Ponds And Streams." " (Laughs)" "(Laughter continues)" "I'm sorry." "I don't feel very well, Margo." "Oh, don't... (Coughs)" "You deliberately humiliated him!" "(Shrieks)" "Thank you, Mother, for a wonderful party." "Isn't my boat wonderful?" "And I got this book from Theodore." "Yes." "What a party." "Good." "Good." "Oh, what larks." "(Sighs)" "What are you going to call the puppies?" "Er, Widdle and, er..." "Puke." " What do you think, Theo?" " Oh, another foot." "It's only four foot now." "All right, then." "Look what Mother's made." "Oh, marvellous." "Hmm..." "Gerry, going for a swim?" " Yes." " Do." "The best time for swimming on Corfu, the late afternoon." "Cooler than the, um..." "Hm." "We're very far from the sea on this island." "Leslie, you're so clever." "Am I?" "Oh." "Well..." "You've got to know something about boats, haven't you?" "And the sea and things." "Come on, then." "Out you come." "It's ready." "What do you think?" "Oh, yes." "She looks very seaworthy." "Compact." "Yes." "Compact." " Well, it's just a matter of balance, really." " I like Mother's flag." "It's called a pennant." "It shows you which way the wind's blowing, you see." "Jump in and we'll get her going." "You hold the stern, Theo." "Yes, er, yes." "I'll just get this rowlock." "There." "Lovely." " Have the oars." " Yes." " Ready?" " Right." "And off you go." "Really quite stable." "Of course." "It works." "It works!" "What a day."