"Coming up on Backstage Passport." "These are the Israeli defense forces." "I don't feel comfortable in my flip-flops with all these machine guns pointing down." "I'm a little bit nervous, a little bit scared." "Get out of my fucking face!" "We're NOFX Screwing up since 1983" "But these days we've got mortages and families" "So we're going on a sketchy tour No country is too obscure" "We're gonna drink and golf and fight and snort" "We're NOFX This is Backstage Passport" "The next stop on the tour is Israel." "We've been playing strange countries all over the world, and sometimes it gets really hard to communicate with your family back home, which sucks, because tomorrow's my daughter's third birthday." "Pretty crappy connection, huh?" "Hi sweetie." "Frozen." "We're at the airport and I see my wife and daughter on the iChat and it doesn't really work, which is frustrating." "Where are you guys?" "Hi Doodle." "We have a horrible connection." "Oh man, lost them." "Everyone in the band is a little edgy about being in Israel." "There are rocket attacks, there are bombings now and then." "This was, actually, belonged to the Jordanians." "It was a military base here." "Look, there was a shootout right there." "We're driving with this guy, and he's talking about the war and everything, and I'm just like 'uuuhhhh boy, here we are.'" "Over here, you've got certain kind of areas of religious people that are fucking..." "I'm a little bit nervous, a little bit scared, but we'll see." "My mom says stay away from crowds so..." "If it's going down, it's gonna go down where there's a huge crowd of people and I'm gonna stay away from where there's a big crowd of people." "A big crowd of people like for instance at a nightclub...?" "Like the audience." "We had some time to kill before the show so after we checked in, we went right to the Wailing Wall." "Well I figure we're in one of the most religious spots in the entire planet, so gotta sport the Bad Religion shirt." "There are soldiers everywhere at the wall." "Everywhere you look there is a hundred soldiers and they all have machine guns." "These are the Israeli defense forces." "I don't feel comfortable in my flip-flops with all these machine guns pointing down." "We're nervous 'cause there's soldiers everywhere then some of them start walking towards us and, uh, it turns out they're NOFX fans." "You're Fat Mike, right?" "That's crazy." "Is that a ham sandwich?" "Wow, old wall." "Of course, the Rabbis take one look at me and think, 'there's a Jew who needs some prayer.'" "You guys Jewish?" "C'mon let's go put on tefillin." "C'mon." "Nike says, 'just do it.' Let's go." "Tefillin." "Tefillin." "Don't worry, you're gonna live forever." "This is getting kind of hot!" "I'm digging this." "I wanna be Jewish..." "So where do I get tied to now?" "Welcome home." "I've been tied up hundreds of times by my wife before, but never by an old Jew!" "I'm not Jewish..." "I'm Jew-ish, which means my parents were Jewish but I don't believe in God." "I hearby take upon..." "myself to fulfill the mitzvah" "Be serious for a minute." "No, I am." "My parents just died this year, I am." "Oh, so we'll say the Kaddish for them." "The Kaddish is a prayer that Jews do for dead relatives." "Hey, I'm there, I'm at the wailing wall, and I just figured I'm gonna say a few words to my parents." "If they can hear me, that'd be really nice." "Yis gedal veyis kaddash shmay raboh" "Amen!" "I'm thinking about my parents and family, and yeah, of course I'm thinking about my wife and daughter and how" "I'm going to miss my daughter's third birthday." "Doing the Kaddish was cool." "Doing the what?" "The Kaddish." "It's a prayer you say for your parents." "Kinda cheesey." "Kaddish cheesy." "We're on our way to eat before the show." "This is our very first show in Israel." "Is anybody in your group scared about terrorism and all that stuff?" "." "Well I wasn't, 'til now." "'Cause you probably should be, especially this place." "It's been bombed like 5 times." "I wasn't scared until you just told us that you took us to the hotspot of suicide bombers." "You said, 'oh, a lot of people don't like eating in outdoor patios 'cause that's the target,'" "I'm only talking about...tourists are like that." "You're not afraid of rockets?" "Rockets don't reach here." "No." "And the rockets aren't..." "They don't reach the moon either if you ask me." "Definitely making me more nervous." "There we are about to play our first show in Haifa and all I'm thinking about is my mom saying 'Stay away from crowds'." "I'm gonna change my name to 'El Haifa'" "Once I start playing my guitar, and getting into it," "I start feeling a little bit more comfortable." "But still, somewhere in the back of my mind, something can go still go down, and sure enough something does go down." "Oh my god." "Oh, we're fucked now." "The band's playing in Israel for the first time." "My biggest fear was a suicide bomber was going to come through the door and fucking 'ya Allah boom!" "'" "The crowd likes us, we're giving it to them, they're giving it back..." "The show's awesome." "Eric Melvin, he's playing near me, you know, we're thrashing around on stage..." "We just got a little too close..." "Oh my god!" "All of a sudden, I just see like this blinding white flash." "Ouch." "What the fuck, dude?" "Oh, we're fucked now." "It really dazed me, my head hurts." "Mike's bass was broken." "Did you break it on his head?" "Blood!" "Oh you're bleeding dude, you're bleeding." "Here I am bleeding and Mike's telling people about how it's funny when other people get hurt." "When someone gets hurt, it's funny." "You know what that's called?" "It's called schadenfreude." "It means lauging at other peoples' misery." "I feel bad forMelvin, he got smacked on the head and he's bleeding but uh, that's a lot better being blown up." "Seriously, I don't know." "Hey, no, no." "Hey, it's okay, we can fix this shit, all right?" "Here we are, surrounded by guns and soldiers and I get hurt the worst by my best friend right there on stage." "It's starting to hurt now, actually." "I'm just so proud of how strong Eric Melvin's forehead is, 'cause he, he ruined my bass." "And you know, if I wasn't so cheap, and I played a Fender, then I'd feel really bad because Eric would be dead." "Some of us are sadists and some of us are masochists." "Oh right, it's all in a day's work." "Top, bottom." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Ahhhhhh!" "!" "Eric Melvin was down, he had a big lump on his head, so he wasn't going to go out with me, of course I'm going out after the show to party." "There was these breakdancers on the street, Israeli breakdancers." "Hey Hefe, you gotta go serve that guy, dude." "El Hefe is one hell of a Mexican breakdancer." "Kind of a 200 pound Mexican jumping bean." "I'm about to enter a breakdance competition in Israel!" "I was like, "you guys don't understand what I'm saying here, I'm not saying 'what's up'," "I'm saying 'YOU GOT SERVED!"'" "We came to them." "We served them." "Right, we served them, on their own turf!" "That's right..." "Dude, yeah!" "Hell yeah." "So we go to a bar, and some random dude came up to me and said he had a really big present for me." "I have a special present for you tonight." "yeah... it's a little bit big." "Big?" "!" "Yeah." "Big ecstasy pill?" "He came back with a surfboard that was painted like one of our records." "You get surfboards here." "Look at that, there's no waves!" "There's not even any waves!" "Yeah... that's it..." "'So long and thanks from all the Jews.'" "I was hoping for a really, extra large yarmulke for my huge, Jew head but instead all I got was a surfboard, which was pretty cool too." "I wish I knew how to say 'surf's up' in Hebrew." "I get back to my hotel and I'm trying to reach Darla." "Once again, I'm going to try to call my wife and daughter." "And my daughter has a, she won't talk to me anymore." "Every time I call, my wife tells her that daddy's on the phone and she runs away." "Every time she says 'daddy come home' and I say 'I can't come home yet.'" "So she's mad but I'm going to try again." "And I still can't seem to get a hold of her, which is frustrating." "It's been this way for about ten days now." "She won't talk to me." "We are in Israel so we're gonna go see the Dead Sea." "Any exposed mucus membranes will get burned by the salt." "And Melvin has a bad case of hemorrhoids." "Only one in the band without hemorrhoids." "Yes!" "Oh, there's a mosquito bite on my ass that's burning." "Yeah." "Oh, titties." "Here's mud in your eye." "Oh, damn, I'm scary looking." "Okay, now everyone say, 'cowabunga.'" "Cowabunga!" "You can not go to the desert without riding a camel." "Giddyup." "Giddyup, horsey." "I had this surfboard and I heard there was waves at the Dead Sea, there were no waves, so I'm going to surf a camel." "Oh, no, we're getting down..." "oh, I'm gonna get my nuts crushed." "The army is such a serious thing in Israel, there's no excuses." "We come to town, kids are finding excuses how to get out of the army." "I'm a soldier and I had to fake an eye infection in order to get here so what I did was to take yucky stuff out of my teeth and put it inside my eye so I got this huge infection and they let me go home to see a doctor." "I escaped from the army to get here, I swear to God." "I like, told my commander that I had a bar mitzvah of some cousin of mine, and I, like, escaped from the army to get here and if they find out that I'm here they're going to take me to jail." "Hello....shalom." "Shalom boys." "Want to hear something that's totally true?" "I have a three-year-old daughter, and it's her birthday today." "And I'm here." "But I'm here, and she's there." "I say, 'hey everyone, it's my daughter's birthday today,' and the crowd is just kind of cheering like, 'wooh,' and I don't feel like playing this show at all." ""We all know George Bush is an imbecile, he loves Dick, but he hates homosexuals," "I"m sick and tired of the embarrassment, the whole world wants you to..."" "Then someone spits in my face, and it's, I'm just getting more and more bummed out." ""What are you gonna do, franco, franco fuck that fucking guy who spit in my face."" "Okay...check it out, I don't like being spit on." "Call me a fucking pussy, but you know what, I don't want to be spit on." "There's always a few assholes in the crowd, Mike lets them know, 'don't spit on me or the show's over.'" "So I just jumped in and I grabbed the kid by the throat." "It's my responsibility to take care of things like that." "Limo went out there, he wasn't really thinking that half these people are in the army." "Get out of my fucking face!" "We're playing Jerusalem and I don't feel like playing the show at all." "It's my daughter's birthday, I can't get a hold of her." "I have a three-year-old daughter, and it's her birthday today." "Spit just keeps coming at me, and it's from one guy." "So I just jumped in and I grabbed the kid by the throat." "You don't speak English or what?" "C'mon, dude, you're out." "Half these people are in the army." "He just got swarmed." "A sea of arms comes over me and I get hooked around the neck." "I wasn't in a good mood so I threw my bass off and jumped in after him." "And then I turn around and I see, I see Mike there... and I'm like, 'what are you doing here?" "'" "And then the big melee erupts and everybody's pushing and shoving." "We finally got a hold of the guy that actually did the spitting." "We dragged him out." "And then his buddies were the ones that started becoming the conflict." "You fucked up, you fucked up!" "Some other guy starts getting in my face, and telling me I have no right to do this." "He played in one of the fucking bands!" "SHUT THE FUCK UP and get out of my fucking face." "Get out of my fucking face!" "What the fuck is this bullshit?" "There's no three strikes you're out." "Screw up, you're out, that's all there is to it." "I fucking need some vodka, can I have some fucking vodka?" "Things couldn't have gotten worse." "I look down and I still have to play 19 more songs, so I just drank as much as I could." "I'll remember the Jerusalem show as being, in my mind, the worst NOFX show ever." "When I started playing the show tonight, and 3 different people spit on me, and there's maybe 300 people here," "I'm getting spit on in Israel, just thinking 'I could be home at my daughter's birthday,' but no, I'm getting spit on by people." "And that's why when Limo jumped in the crowd," "I threw down my bass and went in after him." "Fuck this." "I can't remember the last time that Mike decided to leave a show early and miss the party and come back with me, so something is going on with him." "You know what?" "We've played, we've played a 1000 shows and I've never seen the crowd get so obnoxious as tonight." "Crazy tonight." "It didn't seem any different than any other crazy..." "Well, you didn't get spit on 6 times." "No, I know but I've seen that 1000 times at our shows, you know." "Well, maybe there was a barricade, but I'm, I was, 'hey, don't spit on me.'" "Just keep getting spit on." "Punk rock is not about the kids having fun, it's about me having fun." "Got my surfboard..." "I had to drink so much to get through tonight." "Get back from the show, I'm at the hotel, I'm really drunk and I just wanted some water." "And for some reason, it was a pretty nice hotel but they had no water." "There's no water in my room." "There is water in the, near the pool." "Yeah, you wouldn't want to give someone water in their room!" "We gotta go into here... (laughs) Where's the fucking water, bitch?" "I'm in a movie right now." "This is a movie... (laughs)" "This is 'Hostel' right here, this is 'Hostel.' (laughs) Get water..." "Oh." "It's here." "Okay." "It wasn't that hard." "Here we go." "This was easily the worst night of the tour for me, and all I really wanted to do was come back to my hotel room and call my daughter on her birthday." "Here we go again." "Hello?" "Hi baby...is Darla asleep right now?" "She's up?" "She's up?" "Where is she?" "She's out at the park?" "'Cause I called the house 5 or 6 times." "If you can find her or if she comes home you can call me, but I'll be asleep pretty soon." "I love you, too." "Bye." "It's my daughter's birthday and I'm trying to get her on the phone." "All she knows is that she misses me and she doesn't understand why I can't come home." "I don't have to be doing this." "I keep playing music around the world because I like to, it's fun." "So I had a kid, and it hurts her feelings and it hurts my feelings..." "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU." "Yay!"