"Hey." "Hey." "Did you know that we have a tub of cottage cheese that expired in January of '97?" "Do I look like I know anything about cottage cheese?" "Gotcha." "Gotta tell you, nothing better than a holiday Monday." "I had that panic moment when I woke up this morning, and I felt like, "uh-oh." "I gotta go to work."" "Then I was like, "no, I don't." ""I can just lay here and scratch and touch all morning."" "You do realize men died to give you this holiday, right?" "And I appreciate it." "Otherwise, I'd be touching myself in Nazi Germany." "What's all this?" "Are you cleaning the kitchen?" "Yeah." "I haven't done it since, uh..." "Well, ever." "Do we really need it?" "Oh, please, this kitchen has gotten so overgrown with crap" "I mean, look at this." "Do we really need 800 pairs of chopsticks?" "Looks like you got a pretty big job ahead of you." "Do you need help?" "No, I got it." "You sure?" "Yeah." "It's ok." "'Cause I'd be happy to, if you..." "Doug, what would you say if I said," ""yes, I would like you to help me clean out the kitchen."" "I'd just run." "Well, don't worry." "I got it under control." "Actually, I invited Richie over anyway." "Oh." "How's he doin'?" "Uh, not so good since his divorce went through, you know?" "So I figured if I invite him over and we hang out all day it might shimmy him back into a good place." "Well, that's nice of you." "I'm just trying to be a friend to the guy." "Hey, here it is!" "Here's my pro-blaster muscle powder." "That's what went wrong here." "So start takin' it now." "Nah." "That ship sailed." "So, you find anything you wanna watch yet?" "No." "Daytime t.V. Is brutal." "What are we supposed to watch, the way we were on the romance channel?" "That on?" "Why?" "You wanna watch it?" "Do you?" "(Both) Nah, I don't wanna watch it." "Look, classic sports is showing game 6 of the world series-- the '86 mets." "All right, baby." "Put it on." "We're there." "Oh, wait." "Actually, it's not on till 4:00." "What time is it now?" "It's a quarter to 10:00." "What are we gonna do till then?" "I don't know." "I guess, we could just talk." "Sure." "So, how you been doing?" "How you been feeling since the, uh, uh, divorce thing?" "Ah, pretty good, I guess." "You know how it is." "Oh, yeah." "What are you gonna do?" "What can you do, you know?" "Nothin'." "I mean, it is what it is." "Yes, it is." "You just gotta..." "You gotta." "That's the thing, right there." "Absolutely." "(Carrie) Doug, phone!" "Ok, remember where we were." "Hello?" "[Clattering]" "What?" "I'm sorry, I can't... no, no." "Honey!" "If you don't mind." "I'm gonna take this in the other room." "Oh." "Hi, darling." "What are you doing home on a Monday?" "It's a holiday, dad." "Is it?" "Mm-hmm." "Thank God." "I could use a day without all the pressure and the stress." "What are you doin'?" "Cleaning out the kitchen, daddy." "Hey, you're not throwing out these rubber bands, are you?" "They're all broken, dad." "So?" "You tie the ends together, and they're just as good as new, Mrs. rockefeller!" "Well, there goes my day off, right out the window!" "You--you know what?" "Just give me 2 minutes to figure this out, and I'll, and I'll call you back." "Ok?" "All right, bye." "Who was that?" "That was ray barone." "He wants to know if his mother can drop him off here." "What, for a play date?" "No." "He's running errands with her, and he wants to bail and play golf with me!" "So, what do you-- what do you think I should do?" "Doug, you have Richie out in the garage." "I know." "So, what do you think I should do?" "You invited him over here to spend the day with you." "I know." "What do you think I should do?" "Don't play golf." "But it's--it's at a private course." "He's--he's got a--a tee time and everything." "So play." "Why don't you just invite Richie to come along with you guys." "Richie doesn't play golf." "Besides, I don't think they'd hit it off." "It'd be like, [imitating richie] "So, ray, you write for that paper, huh?" ""You--you think you could hook me up with one of the models from the underwear ads?"" "[Imitating ray] "That's a separate department." "Uh, I'm trying to swing!"" "That's good, honey." "Now do William shatner." "Come on." "I just don't wanna say no to ray." "Why not?" "Because we've only hung out twice." "This is the crucial 3rd get-together." "If we were dating, today's when we'd have sex." "Ok, I'm back to "don't play golf."" "Look, you're a grown man." "You know what the right thing to do is." "I'm gonna play." "I'll see you in hell." "♪[Theme from the way we were playing on t.V.]" "Hey." "Hey, this--this remote, it keeps jumping' around." "Yeah." "Look, uh, something's come up." "Some sort of an emergency." "Was that the phone call?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "It's this guy I know this, uh, ray barone guy." "Ray barone, the sportswriter?" "Yeah." "You know, he, uh, he wants me to help him out, and, uh, it's gotta be right now, so..." "What does he want you to do?" "Uh, go someplace with him." "I don't know." "Golf, I think." "I'm not even sure, really." "You wanna leave and go play golf?" "I don't want to." "Have to." "Look, if you wanna blow me off to go hang out with your big showbiz friend, then just say so." "No, that--that's not it!" "I'm outta here." "I could still be back by 4:00." "We can watch the met game together." "Forget it." "Come on, it'll be great!" "Just like in '86, when we watched the 1st time." "We'll get some burgers, some beers, we'll--we'll throw up on the lawn like we did then, huh?" "That was fun." "[Carrie] Doug, Ray's here!" "So--so, 4:00." "Ok. 4:00 on that couch." "All right." "So, 4:00..." "O'clock." "All right!" "I feel good about this." "So, 4:00, right?" "4:00." "Yeah, 4:00 on the couch." "4:00." "What, 3 people can't play golf together?" "It's not sex, for God's sake!" "I'm--I'm not even a member." "You know, I just" " I got 2 passes from a friend, that's all." "[Sighs]" "Look, let me level with you." "The minute you and Doug walk out that door, my daughter's gonna beat the hell out of me." "Uh, uh, you know what?" "Just--just come." "It's fine, it's fine." "You're a good man, Randy." "Should we hit a bucket of balls first?" "Nah." "Let's just get out there and tee off, you know-- hu-ohhh!" "I didn't see that comin'." "Yeah." "With my job, I spend a lot of time in locker rooms." "You never know when you're gonna get a walk-by." "Yeah, but that one was rough." "I'm--I'm gonna see him when I blink." "You gotta shake it off, man." "Just shake it off." "Yeah, but he's in there." "Hey, I had Patrick ewing for a month." "I'll be right back." "[Sighs]" "Sorry I got held up." "I was picking up some golf balls for us." "Where'd you get those?" "Uh, that big, open area out there with the fence around it." "That's the driving range." "Yeah." "They were coming at me pretty fast, too." "I think some of those bastards were aiming at me!" "All right, gentlemen, we ready to play golf?" "Showtime." "Let's go." "Come on." "Come on, Arthur." "[Thunder rumbling]" "Oh, man." "Where did this come from?" "Damn it." "It was sunny this morning." "Ahh!" "All right, well, you know, we'll just wait it out." "Yeah, I guess." "I just hope it doesn't last too long." "So, tell me, Rory, you like a good card trick?" "[Sighs]" "Nothing like a day off." "[Doorbell ringing]" "Coming." "Coming!" "Hello." "[Laughing]" "Hello." "So, I'm here." "[Thunder rumbling]" "Ok." "I--I'm a little early, but I will not drive in the rain." "There's just too many maniacs on the road." "I know my husband laughs at me, but you know something?" "He's one of the maniacs." "Do I know you?" "Oh, I'm Raymond's mother." "I'm supposed to pick him up." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Nobody told me you were coming." "They--they're not back yet." "Oh, I see." "Well, obviously you are very busy, dear." "So I'll--I'll just wait in the car." "I just" " I hope the heat works with the motor off." "Uh, Mrs., uh, Raymond's mother..." "Yeah." "Yeah." "You can, uh, wait in here, if you like." "Oh." "The name's Marie, and that's very nice of you, dear." "Thank you." "It's probably best I don't wait in the car." "The neighborhood doesn't look too safe." "[Laughing]" "Any card." "Any card at all." "It's traditional to pick from the middle of the deck." "Fine." "All right, now look at the card, memorize it, put it back in the deck, anywhere." "Not there." "Not there." "Not there." "Well, where?" "Anywhere." "Ok." "Not there." "Oh, whoops!" "Queen of diamonds." "Trick over." "Fine." "You just ruined a thrilling illusion." "You happy with yourself?" "(T.V. Announcer) Rain tapering off this afternoon, followed by a partial clearing and a high of 64." "Hey, you hear that?" "It's gonna stop." "We should go tee off now." "Now?" "Come on." "It's still pouring'." "No, it's not pouring." "It's a drizzle." "It's a steady, pounding drizzle." "Ah, come on." "Let's just wait, all right?" "I think your father-in-law's gonna come back and try to saw me in half, anyway." "You know, I--I guess we could wait." "It's just that the second the rain stops," "I mean, everybody's gonna go out at once." "It's gonna--it's gonna be a madhouse out there." "That's true." "I hate when everybody watches me tee off." "Yeah." "You know, it's like--it's like they want you to fail." "Thank you!" "Yes." "What the hell." "Let's just do it, you know?" "Let's golf in the rain." "You want to?" "Let's just get out there." "Come on." "Tough it out!" "All right, let's--let's go." "Let's tough it out, man!" "We're tough." "Yeah!" "Come on." "I'll get my poncho." "Arthur, let's go." "We're gonna tee off." "Oh, no, not in the rain." "2 times hit by lightning." "That's enough." "Last one left me a little rattled." "All right." "You know, just make yourself comfortable here." "They got my credit card, so if you want a sandwich or something, you can just sign my name to it." "Well, that's very gracious of you, petey." "Are you all set?" "Yeah." "You know what?" "Hold on." "I gotta make a little pit stop myself." "All right." "I'll join you." "[Sighs]" "[Flushing]" "[Flushing]" "Dear..." "Aah!" "Oh." "Oh." "Did I scare you?" "Oh, no, no, no, no, no." "Can I get you somethin'?" "Well, is it possible to get a nice cup of tea?" "Oh, yeah, sure." "Ok." "Let me just, uh, reassemble the stove here." "Oh, no, no, no, no." "Just don't bother, honey." "No, just a glass of ginger ale." "Oh, all right." "[Thunder rumbling] Ok." "Ok, well, don't seem to have any." "But can I interest you in a slightly swollen can of peach nectar?" "No." "Never mind." "I think I have a sucking candy." "You know, it might be good to..." "For you to have some ginger ale on hand for company, you know?" "It's the right thing to do." "Right." "I'll do that." "Oh, oh, honey." "Now, see, little short circles, quick circles with a lot of elbow grease." "See, let me show you." "See, like this." "See?" "Ok, you got it?" "You know, not really." "Could you just show me?" "Here." "All right?" "See?" "Little, quick, short circles." "Ok." "You try." "Like this?" "No, no, no, not like that, no." "Just, why don't you just sit and watch, ok?" "Yeah." "Well, ok." "See?" "Like this." "Ah." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "[Thunder rumbling]" "Rain's picked up, huh?" "What?" "I said the rain's picked up." "Has it?" "Maybe a little." "Hey, sorry the pro shop didn't have one of these in your size." "Sure you couldn't fit into a medium?" "Not since I was 11." "You're up." "Why don't you hit first, huh?" "You really wanna do this?" "Yeah." "We're tough." "What, you're not tough?" "I'm tough." "No, I'm tough." "I'm just sayin'." "All right." "Whoo!" "Oh, that's 250 yards, right there!" "Oh, the wind's catching it." "All right, it's about 150." "[Wind howling]" "What'd that go, about 70?" "75, easy." "And you're right in the middle of the fairway." "You gotta like that." "Man, that was the best 9 holes of my life!" "[Pants]" "You know, once you harness the power of that jet stream, you really get a lot of distance." "Uh-huh, yeah." "Well, if it isn't Bobby Jones and Bobby Jones' fat, wet friend." "Arthur, what are you doing?" "Whe-where are your clothes?" "I decided to take advantage of that pressing service." "Then I figured, "as long as I'm naked, why not get a massage?"" "Thank you again." "You're a very generous fellow." "I said get a sandwich!" "You should probably cancel your credit card." "Ah, don't worry about it." "Come on." "Let's get back out there." "Actually, ray, it's almost 3:30." "I really should get going home." "What--what?" "You wanna leave?" "Come on, we're having a great time, here." "I know." "It's just that I have somethin' very, very important to do at 4:00." "What?" "What?" "What's so important?" "I'm supposed to watch t.V. With a guy." "You're leaving here to watch t.V.?" "Come on, I just shot a 38." "I got a chance for the best round of my life, here!" "I know, I know." "Besides, this was your idea, right?" "The rain, the--the tough thing." "Uh, I'm tough here." "Now, you did that." "All right, all right." "Let's go." "Come on." "Come on." "Ha, ha, hoo!" "See what I'm doing, honey?" "It's the long, downward strokes against the grain that do the trick." "Yeah." "Against the train." "I got it." "(Marie) Mmm-hmm." "Ok..." "Ok, student, you ready to try?" "Uh, you know what?" "Yeah, I--I'll give it a little later." "Wh-wh-why don't you have a seat?" "Let's chat." "But-- no, no." "Come on." "Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit." "So, you live on the island, right?" "You like it?" "It's fine." "It's a little far from the city, you know." "But..." "Sweetheart, if you wait too long, the wax will dry and start to cake up." "I don't mind." "So, you were saying you don't get to the city much?" "Just every once in a while." "You know, we'll go to the theater or something like that, but.." "Sweetheart..." "If--if it dries, it--it could damage the wood permanently." "I'll get to it." "So, did you get to see les mis?" "Wasn't it so sad?" "I--I'll just finish this." "You're up." "Why don't you tee off?" "All righty!" "What do we got?" "[Thunder rumbles]" "I got an 8-iron." "What do you think?" "That's fine." "Go ahead." "I don't know." "The pin-- the pin's back." "Is that the pin?" "Yeah, that's the pin." "Just hit it already, would you?" "All right." "Take it easy." "[Grunts]" "Gonna tee it up a little higher." "Wanna get over that bunker." "Yeah." "Oh-ohhh, baby, be it!" "Be it." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "You're up, pal." "Ok." "Ok, let's go." "You're out of bounds." "That's ok." "Go ahead, hit it again." "I never saw it." "I never saw that shot." "All right, all right." "Ok." "You hit a wagoneer." "Hit--hit another one." "No." "It's fine." "No." "Go ahead." "Ray, I don't want to." "Hit it again." "Nobody's watching." "Ok!" "Whatever, ok?" "Jeez..." "All right?" "There we go." "There we go." ""Oh, nice shot, chubby!"" "I stink!" "I stink!" "I hate me!" "You just gotta follow through more." "I shouldn't be here, ray." "I ditched a good friend to come do this with you." "Now I'm cold, I'm wet." "I'm shooting 140, that's with cheating." "Man, if I'm ever gonna live with myself," "I gotta go back and--and make things right." "You--you understand?" "2 more holes." "I can't!" "All right." "Go, go!" "Hey, don't forget to take the old guy!" "Oh, damn it!" "Oh, God." "I am not a good person." "[Crowd cheering on t.V.]" "Hey, moose!" "Hey, Richie, listen-- sorry I'm late." "I was at o.T.B., and I just kept winning'-- trifectas, the exactas, a couple daily doubles." "Unbelievable!" "Boom!" "$28." "You--you were at o.T.B. The whole time?" "Yeah." "Do the words 4:00 mean nothing to you?" "Sorry." "Hey, you screwed up." "It happens." "Well..." "What have we here?" "One of Carrie's friends?" "Oh, no." "[Chuckling]" "No." "I--I'm just waiting for my son Raymond to come back." "Raymond?" "Mmm, no one named Raymond has been here today." "But, you see, I--I dropped him off myself." "Ah..." "You are as confused as you are lovely." "So, can I take you to dinner at my club?" "I currently enjoy a line of credit there." "[Laughing]"