"Come on, Joey!" "Rach, I told you everything I knew last night." "It's not that big a deal." "So Monica and Chandler are doing it." "I cannot believe you would say that!" "Sorry." "Monica and Chandler are "making love."" "No, I mean, come on." "This is a huge deal!" "I need more details." "Who initiated the first kiss?" "I don't know." "Is he romantic with her?" "I don't know." "Are they in love?" " I don't know." " Ugh." "You don't know anything." " Oh!" "I know one thing." " What?" "They did it right there on the couch." " Hey, Ross." " Yeah." "Gunther, could I have a scone, please?" "Want to hear some good news?" "Someone I know is getting married." "Yeah, weddings are happy occasions." "Oh, by the by, it's my ex-wife, Emily!" "[ALL GASP]" "Sorry, man." "GUNTHER:" "Here's your scone." " Thanks, Gunther." "Thanks." "Stupid British snack food!" "Did they teach you that in anger management?" "You know what might help deal with it?" "Think of it this way." "You and Emily are in the past." "You can't be mad about the past." "Are you still mad about, you know, the Louisiana Purchase?" " I don't think anybody's mad about that." " Exactly!" "Because it's in the past." "Anybody going to eat that?" "Look at us all dressed up for the party." "What are we celebrating?" "We had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party." "I think this is cool." "None of our friends are here." "We can be a real couple." "We don't have to hide." " I know." "I can do this." " Ooh." "And I can do this." " We can't do that." " We can't do that." "Hey, Bing!" "Ha-ha-ha." "Whoa!" "Who's the pretty lady, and what is she doing with you?" "Ha-ha-ha!" "I ask myself that very question." "This is Monica." " My boss, Doug." "This is Monica." " Hi, nice to meet you." " Hi!" "This is my wife, Kara." " Nice to meet you." " Bing!" " Okay!" "Did you hear about the new law firm working for us?" " No, sir." " Yeah, Dewey, Cheatem  Howe." "[LAUGHING LOUDLY]" "Come on, let's go drink our body weight." " What was that?" " What?" "That noise you made?" " Oh, that was my work laugh." " Your work laugh?" "If you're going to survive this party, you have to come up with one too." " All right." "Check me out." " Okay." "He says, "$30, Father." "Same as in town." Ha!" "[LAUGHING LOUDLY]" "Hey, everybody at work loved you last night." " Really?" " And they like me more just because I was with you." "You repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey." "Doug wants us to play tennis." "He's never talked to me outside of work." "Except for that time at that strip club." "Strip church." " I'm gonna go try to find a racket." " I thought you had one." "I used to, but then Joey thought it'd be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at bigger rocks." " Hey, Rach, do you have a tennis racket?" " Hey." "Oh, um, I lent it to Joey and I've never gotten it back." "Okay, good luck with that." " Ahem." "Hey." " Hey." "What's up?" "What are you doing here?" "I thought you had inventory." "Well I do, but I decided I'd take a long lunch and spend some time with my friend, Monica." "You know, I feel like we don't talk anymore." "How are you?" "What is new with you?" "Heh, um..." "Not much." "Um, work's good." "We don't have to talk about work." "We could talk about anything." "Okay." "Um..." "Hey!" "You know what?" "Let's talk about relationships." " Okay." "What's going on with you?" " Nothing." "You go." "Well, I..." "There was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute." "Um, but I don't anymore." "Wow, that's, uh, juicy." "Ahem, um..." "You know what?" "I actually do have a lot of work to do." "You're sure there's just not anything else?" "Yes, I'm sure." "Is there something you want to talk to me about?" "No." "I..." "If there was, I wouldn't tell you." "[DUCK QUACKING]" "[GASPS]" "Okay, then what happened?" "Uh, oh!" "Aw." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "[ROOSTER CLUCKS]" "Ah-ah, you'll get your turn." " Hey, Pheebs." "What's going on?" " Hey." "Nothing." "This is not over." " No, no, no!" " What?" "Ugh, I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily." "It was perfect, and now it's all covered in..." "Actually, thanks!" "All right!" "Everybody ready to go to the movies?" "Uh, actually, I think I'm gonna skip it." " Really?" " I'm gonna stay and read my book." "I just want to be alone right now." "Oh." "Sure you don't want to come?" "Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan." "They get mail and stuff." " That's okay, Joe." " All right." "Let's go, Pheebs." "Oh, God!" "DOUG:" "Bing!" " Unh!" " Aah!" "Game!" "Yeah, I gotta tell you, that partner of yours is a real tiger." "Are you all right?" "We'll just get a little sip of water." "Am I on fire today or what?" "Those birds are browned, basted and ready to be carved." "Okay, easy, Martina." "I think we should let them win the next game." "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said." "Let them win one." "Are you crazy?" "We own those two." "Look at them!" "He can't even breathe, and she's popping pills." "You're not giving them a chance." "They have rackets, don't they?" "Uh, Bing, I think we're gonna make this the last game." "Yes, sir." "Put me out of my misery." "Are you sure you never played pro?" "Ha-ha-ha." "Please let them win." "I'll take it down to 95 percent, but that's the best I can do." " Oopsie!" "Missed it!" " I got it!" "Nice shot." "[BOTH GRUNTING]" "I got it!" "Long!" "[CHUCKLES]" "I can't believe you let them win." "Yeah, well, at least you hid your feelings well about it." " I was frustrated." " It was my racket." "I was frustrated with you!" "If we hadn't lost, they would never have invited us to dinner tomorrow." "What bothers me is how different you act around them." "The throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh the "See you later, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!"" "[FAKE LAUGHING]" "I don't like "work Chandler." The guy's a suck-up." "You know what?" "Because you said that I'm not putting out tonight!" "Something's wrong." "My brother does not stay out all night." "Maybe we should check the trash chute." "Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute." "That's right." "He almost could." "Which is exactly how I got stuck there." "RACHEL:" "Hey!" "JOEY:" "Hey." "Oh, my God!" "Where the hell have you been?" "Just, you know, out." "Oh, out!" "God, I don't know why we didn't think to check there." "What were you doing?" "I, uh, went to a bar and then I just, uh, walked around for a while." "You walked around all night in the city by yourself?" "He hooked up!" "He hooked up with someone." "I don't have to answer your questions." "Okay?" "I'm a big boy." "I can do whatever I want." "He hooked up!" "Tell us about her!" "Ross, you left your scarf..." "Hey, you guys." "[LAUGHING NASALLY]" "Okay." "Okay." "I know what you all are thinking, but Chandler is in Yemen." "I'm a young woman." "I have needs." "I can't wait forever." "Yeah, no, that's what I was thinking." "So I'm asking you, please just take a moment before you judge me." "Oh, nobody's judging you." "Oh." "Okay, you, Mr. Right-place-at-the-right-time call me." "[LAUGHING NASALLY]" "Okay, look, I know what you guys are going to say." "You two would have very hairy children." "I didn't know you'd say that." "Ross!" "Janice?" "All right." "Hold on, hold on, hold on." "This is Ross." "Okay?" "He's our friend." "He obviously went crazy." "He obviously lost his mind." "I didn't lose my mind, okay?" "Janice and I have a lot in common." "We've both been divorced." "We both have kids." "Are you going to see her again?" " Don't put ideas in his head!" " I am gonna see her again." "Damn it, Phoebe!" "I have to tell you something that I've never admitted." "In high school, I made out with James even though I knew that you liked him." "Wow!" "That feels so good to get off my chest." "Okay, you go." " My turn?" "What are you talking about?" " Ugh." "Monica..." "I know about you and Chandler." "What?" "I overheard you on the phone the other day." "You said, "I'll tell Rachel I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours."" "And he said, "Laundry?" "Is that my new nickname?"" "And you said, "No." "You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."" "Well, heh..." "Sounds like you're writing yourself a little play there, Rach." "Wow, I..." "Let me know how that one turns out." "I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out I hung up the phone." "Well, if you had kept listening, ha-ha-ha you would have heard me call him Mister Big ot." " What?" "Mr. Bigot." "Ha, ha." "He tells the most racist jokes." "All right." "So that's it." "You're telling me there's nothing going on between you and Chandler?" "Me and Chandler?" "[LAUGHS LOUDLY]" " Put your $20 down." " Okay." "First one to find the tasty treat wins." " Okay?" "All right." " Mm-hm." "Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths." "And they're off!" "Whoa." "Get your foot off my contestant!" "Judge?" "Judge rules no violation." "Agh." " Hey, guys." " Yeah." "It's so weird to say this, but I just had a great date with Janice." " What?" " Are you serious?" "Yeah." "I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me." "I mean, I talked for hours." "It is amazing to have someone give you such focused attention." "You don't need Janice for that." "You've got us." " And the duck gets the Nutter Butter!" " No!" "Agh!" "That's not a Nutter Butter." "That's an old won ton!" "Judge rules Nutter Butter." " Ugh." " Tough call." " Yeah." "[BOTH LAUGHING]" "Seriously, I strongly believe that we should all support President Clinton and her husband, Bill." "[LAUGHING LOUDLY]" "So how do you like your coffee?" " None for me." " Just a little bit of sugar." "I'll have Monica stick her finger in it." "That ought to sweeten it up." "[LAUGHING LOUDLY]" " How does that not give you a headache?" " You get used to it." "I don't think that I can." "Maybe this will be it for me on the work things." "So I laugh at my boss's jokes." "What's the big deal?" "I'd rather not hang out with this work-weasel guy when I could be with my boyfriend, who I actually respect." "Oh." "Ah, heh." "I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee." "I'd feel sorry for it if it got in a fight." "It's not strong enough to defend itself." "Ha-ha-ha!" "Hear what I said?" "What?" "It's a joke, Bing." "What's the matter with you?" "Well, I just didn't think it was funny, sir." "Excuse me?" " Well, I just..." " Honey?" "I just don't think you understood the joke." " Really?" " Yeah." "I mean, it was really funny." "I just don't think that you got it." "Heh, you see, Kara's coffee is weak-tasting." "But what Doug did was imply that it was weak physically." " You get it now, honey?" " I think I do!" "[BOTH LAUGHING LOUDLY]" " Thank you, Monica." " I thought you could use the help." "Ha-ha-ha." "Coffee in a fight!" "[BOTH LAUGHING LOUDLY]" "Hey, Rach." "You mind if I read my comic books in here?" "Sure." "Why?" "Chandler and Monica are over there." "It's kind of hard to concentrate." "What?" "She just called and said she was going to be working late." "She keeps lying to me." "That's it!" "I'm gonna go over there and I'm confronting them right now." "CHANDLER:" "So you're telling me that I have to tell racist jokes now?" "MONICA:" "I'm just not very good at this." "I'm a terrible liar." "I hate having to lie to Rachel." " But we're not ready to tell yet." " I know." "Ever since high school, Rachel was the one person that I told everything to." "I miss that so much now." "She's my best friend." "MONICA:" "Joey?" " Oh, my God, Rachel!" " Hey!" "Hi!" "What are you doing here?" "Well, I actually came over here to borrow this lamp to, um, look at my books." "You know, see them a little better." "Heh." " Okay, great." "Great." "Um..." " Yeah." "Well, what I was doing in Chandler's room is that, um I was cleaning it." " In fact, he pays me to clean it." " Oh!" "What a great way to make some extra pocket money." "When I said to you earlier that I was at work, um I'm at my new work." "Good enough." "Right?" "Okay, well, um..." "I'm gonna go look at my books." " Okay." "Go get back to my new job." " Okay." "Okay." "Congratulations on your new job!" "Man, she is really gullible." "[WHISTLES]" " Here you go." " Thanks." " Actually, I should get going." " You're sure?" "I can stay out as late as you want." "I told you I'm on sabbatical from work..." "Yes, yes." "You did." "Ha-ha-ha." " Oh, man!" " What is wrong now?" "This isn't what I ordered." "Man!" "Can't anything go right in my life?" "First, my marriage falls apart, and then..." "I know, I know!" "You lose your apartment, then you lose your job then your ex-wife gets married so fast!" "And now the coffee!" "Aah!" "Ross we need to talk." " Okay." " Sometimes I feel..." " No, no, don't." "I'm going to talk." "I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun." " What?" " You're a very sweet person, Ross." "Um..." "Unfortunately I just don't think I can take another second of you whining!" "Let me make sure I'm hearing this right." "You're ending this with me because I'm too whiny?" "Mm." "So you're saying I've become so whiny that I annoy you Janice." "Well, yeah!" "Oh, my God!" " Are you gonna be okay?" " I am now." "Okay." "[JOEY GRUMBLES]" " Hi." " Oh, hi." "Well..." "I guess, that's two out of three Joey!" "[LAUGHING NASALLY]" " Dude, we gotta talk." " Okay." "I want to tell you something before you heard it from someone else." "I hope this isn't too weird but, uh I had a thing with Janice." "[LAUGHING]" "You're not mad?" "Why would I be mad?" "Because there's certain rules about this kind of stuff." "You don't, uh..." "You don't fool around with your friends' ex-girlfriends or, uh possible girlfriends or girls they're related to." "I am mad." "But you know what I'm gonna do?" "I'm gonna forgive you." "Because that's what friends do." "They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said." " All the things on the list there." " Thank you." "But I want you to remember that I forgave you." " Okay." " I also want you to remember that I let you live here rent-free." " All right." " And I want you to remember that I gave you 27 dollars." "No strings attached!" "If you can't remember that I think we should write it down." "Let's write it down!" "[English" " US" " SDH]"