" Sorry, I'm late." " No problem." " What's with the hand?" " Nothing." " Then take it down." " I'd rather not." "Richie?" "You started without me, didn't you?" "I did." "Hey, there's no water" "You started without him, didn't you?" "I did." "It wasn't as bad as yesterday when-- Nothing caught on fire!" "I'll go get the mop." "Check it out." "We got the band back together." "Oh, my God." "Yeah, Eddie flunked out of medical school." "That's fantastic!" "I know Yonk's out of town, but you gotta come." "Richie's gonna be there." "He's bringing that girl he ran over." "She prefers Lina." "It's gonna be everyone from school." "Angela, Mozer, Danny, Gay Danny." " Aw, how is Gay Danny?" " Good." "He's a big city councilman." "Now he's Gay Daniel." "So what do you say?" "Definitely, I'm there." "Oh, wait, it's tomorrow night?" "I can't do it, I've got this big, black tie, charity thing." "Screw the charity." "That's so beautiful." "No, you know what I mean." "No, I can't blow it off." "It's this football wives group that I'm in." "But, it's not gonna be the same if you're not there." "Well, it's not the same." "I'm, like, Mrs. Yonk Allen now." "There's a lot of stuff I have to do for him." "Really?" "Yeah!" "Go to functions and public appearances." "Well, you ever get to do fun stuff just for you?" "Yes." "Well, nothing comes to mind at the moment, but I assume that I must, otherwise I would be unhappy." "* Awkward *" "If you had to pick someone here to go home with, who would it be?" "Hmm...are we just talking sex or are we looking for more?" "Yeah, who do you want to have more with?" "That is a fun game." "Dr. Haas." "Uh, patch me through." "Sorry, this'll just take a second, it's a patient." "I always forget that you're a doctor." " Why?" " I don't know." "You seem more like someone who works at Foot Locker." "Sue?" "Sure." "I'm Dan, sorry if you've been waiting long." "Oh, no problem." "What?" "No, you know, sometimes people describe themselves online and you're like, "Okay, what do you really look like?"" "But, uh, wow." "Hey, Sue doesn't lie." "And I am Sue." "Can I get you a drink?" "Oh, no, that's okay, I'll stick with this... with, uh, with these two right here." "But, uh, hey, why don't you go get a couple and start catching up." "All right, sounds like a plan." "Who was that guy?" "Oh, that's Dan." "He's here for a blind date with a woman named Sue, and as he is ridiculously hot, I have chosen to be Sue." "Wait." "What?" "You're hijacking someone's blind date?" " You can't do that." " Why, why not?" "This is wrong on so many levels." "What about the poor woman who's gonna get stood up?" "Who cares about her?" "I am gonna have his beautiful babies." "Excuse me." "Are you Dan?" "Yep!" "A mountain climbing boot is not unlike a hiking boot, except a mountain climbing boot has crampons whereas a hiking boot just has sturdy tread." "Do you think that maybe 'cause you're so pretty you've never had to be interesting?" " What?" " What?" " Uh, what?" " Nothing." "So, in your email you promised to tell me about climbing Mount Whitney." "I did." "Yes, I did." "Um, how much do you know about climbing?" " Nothing." " Great!" "Well, uh..." "Let me tell you, it's an amazing feeling, being up there." "The wind whipping by you." "It's just you and your..." "ax-thing." "You don't want the technical terms." " No." " Good!" "You--you feel so alive." "Just facing the danger." "Not all of us made it down that day." " Wow." " Yeah." "Some guys came down the next day." "Sorry, uh, this'll just take a sec." "Hello." "Hey, it's me, this guy is aggressively dull." "Where are you?" "I'm still here, but I'm kinda with someone." "Who?" "Um, Sue." "Wait, Sue?" "Like, me, Sue?" "You, Sue." " How did--no, you're not" " Yep, I'm Dan!" "Ha!" "Get out!" "I'm very impressed." "I know, me too." "So, what's real Sue like?" "She is awesome, she's stunning." "I mean, spectacular." "Sorry, real Dan, you lose." "Uh, real Dan's with me." "Right, I gotta go." "All right, how 'bout this?" "Um...uh, I was thinking maybe your green sweater?" "No." "You're going to a bar." "You gotta give him a little something to look at." "Unleash the hounds!" "They have been kinda cooped up lately." "There you go!" "Now, how dressy is this thing?" "I don't know." "I'll call Richie." "Aren't you gonna get it?" "It's--it's just my boss." "He's probably calling to tell me what time his band's playing tonight." "So answer it, dumbass." "I would, but I hate interrupting quality time with you." "Hello." "Hey, it's me." "I can't talk right now, I gotta go." "What happened?" "Uh, he couldn't talk, he had to go." "Huh, all right, so add it to the list." "What list?" "Well, let's see, he's rude on the phone, he backs out of plans, he's pale." "What does that have to do with anything?" "It just doesn't get said enough." "Look, all I'm saying is he sounds like a guy who doesn't like you as much as you like him." "Wha--yes, he does!" "Okay, you always say that." "And then when they dump you, you're like, "Oh, my God, I can't believe he stole my Jetta!"" "Oh...that one did come as a shock." "Has he even invited you to his place yet?" "No, but he's--he's probably making it easier for me by coming to mine." "Or, he doesn't like you as much as you like him." "That's not what it is!" "Or, that is what it is." "I'm just looking out for you here." "Well, it's different with Richie!" "Is it?" "I think so." "Hello?" "How amazing was last night?" "For me, not so amazing." "He was boring." "His stories were boring." "I couldn't stand him." "The sex wasn't bad though." "You slept with him?" "Yeah, and I gotta say, for a mountain climber, he spent a lot of time at base camp." "Okay, anyway." "Sue is awesome." "She actually makes me laugh, and not my fake laugh, but my real one." "I've never heard your fake laugh." "Oh, you've heard it, yeah." "She is really smart." "She wrote this children's book that won some big award." "It's awesome." "Okay, that's two "awesomes." One more, we're no longer friends." "But you know who I like even more than Sue?" "Dan." "I love being that guy." "Yeah?" "I made him a lawyer fighting big tobacco." "He swam at the Olympics in Athens." "He is awe-- he is really cool." "See?" "This is what I'm always telling you." "Lying is good!" "It's like, I can make him so much cooler than me." "Ethan Haas, afraid of heights." "Dan, uh..." "Slutsky." "Really?" "I'm Dan Slutsky?" "Mm-hmm, Slutsky." "Stop it, you're ruining him!" "All right, I gotta go, Sue is gonna be here any minute." "Whoa, you're going out with her again?" "Well, Dan is." "Dude, the Dan and Sue thing, that was one night only." "Anything more than that, it's not gonna end well." "So what do I do?" "You don't show up." "I'm already at the restaurant!" "So, leave!" "Uh, she just walked in." "Okay, well, has she seen you?" "No...wait, yes." "Crap." "Hey, Richie, Lina, over here!" "You guys, this is, uh, Lina Warbler." "Hey, Lina." "You guys remember Richie from school, right?" "Richie Velch?" "Maybe this will help." ""Hey, everybody, it's Richie Velch, get him!"" "Oh, I remember you!" "Okay, guys, we gotta figure out a set list that rocks hard." "I thought we had a set list that rocks hard." "Yeah, we did, but my mom washed it in my jeans." "Uh, so, here's a crazy idea." "I-I was thinking maybe some night, it would be fun to have dinner at your place." "Oh." "Yeah, that--yes, that--that is an idea." "Mmm, mm." "I say we don't do Busted until the encore." "Whoa." "What?" "Oh, my God." "I can't believe you made it." "I did." "Wow, you look incredible." "What happened to the charity thing?" "I got all the way there, and I just thought... your band is back together, how could I miss that?" "So I stuck an extra zero on the check, and I took off." "All right, let's get you drunk." "Okay." "Hey, guys!" "(all) Hey!" "Huh, so, kinda fancy for this place, huh?" "Should we see if they have a wine list?" "Shut up, Mozer, I'll show you fancy." "There was a cigarette butt in there." "[strained] Yeah, there was." "So, tell me about Athens." "Ah, well, I was pretty much in the pool the whole time." "Training." "Yep, that's what swimming looks like." "Ah, um, be right back." "Hello?" "Hey, you wanna see a movie?" "Uh, I'm with Sue." "Still?" "You haven't ended it?" "I know, but she's so much fun, and she's so pretty." "Maybe there's a way I can work this out." "Are you kidding me?" "You really think this can end with "I now pronounce you Dan and wife?"" "I know, you're right, you're right." "Dude, you gotta end this, you gotta do it now." "Just do it, just dump her ass." "Okay!" "And by the way, it's rude to take a call in the middle of your date, I'm just saying." "I'm sorry, that was so rude." "I don't mind." "Of course you don't." "You're great, everything about you is great." "I even read your book, that's great too." "But here's the thing." "Um..." "I don't think that we" "Oh, God." "You read my book, so you saw the dedication." "What?" "You know about my son." "You have a son?" "It's okay, you don't have to pretend." "I shoulda told you last night." "It's just most guys freak out when they hear you have a kid, and I liked you so much, I didn't want anything to mess it up." "But if you wanna bail right now, I completely understand." "I'm not going anywhere." "Where did you come from, Dan Slutsky?" "I'm gonna say Cincinnati?" "I'm yelling at Gay Danny to pull over because Hotch is heaving out the window." "That is so not the way it happened!" "Excuse me, who's telling this story?" "You're telling it wrong." "Oh, my God." "Geez, Mozer, get an ashtray!" "Hey, Nicole." "Hi, Jeanie." "Nice ring!" "Man, what I wouldn't do for a rock that big." "Or for the promise of a ride home." "Yeah, Jeanie's still Jeanie." "I almost didn't recognize her without leaves in her hair." "Hey, guys, it's time to get ready." "* Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, miiiiiiii *" "Yeah, let's rock this bitch." "Hey..." "I'm glad you're here." "Me too." "So, how long have you and Duncan been together?" "Oh, no, we're not-- we're not together." "Really?" "It just seems like you two are so..." "No, no, no, no." "We used to date, that's probably what you're picking up on, but it was a long time ago-- he had a mullet." "I had, well, I had a girl mullet." "Um, but you and Richie seem really great together." "Oh, yeah, yeah, totally." "I mean, I think so." "I don't know, probably not, I don't get men." "You okay?" "No." "My sister thinks that Richie doesn't like me as much as I like him." "Oh...what do you think?" "I think I don't like my sister." "Hey, there." "Hello." "I'm on break." "Oh, ha ha, good job so far." "So, you went to school with us?" "Yeah, Richie Velch." "Huh." "Did we ever..." "No!" "You got long legs." "You shoulda played basketball." "That--that's not good." "No, it's not." "Um, Jeanie, you seem very nice, and, um, close, but, I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend." "He has a girlfriend!" "There you go!" "I wanna thank you all for coming out." "We are" " Car Fire." "Yeah!" "Hell, yeah!" "Come on!" "I did what I could." "This is a song I wrote for someone a long time ago, but I never let her hear it." "And I thought tonight would be a good night to play it." "* The longer I wait *" "* The more I find *" "* That this heart aches *" "* From leaving you behind *" "* And every time our eyes meet *" "* All that I can see *" "* Is walking away from me *" "* Walking away from me *" "* I can't bear to see *" "* Walking away from me * *" "Excuse me, uh, would you like to dance?" "Um, I realize you may be distracted by my top, but, um, I'm in a wheelchair." "Oh, my God!" "Okay, let's, uh, let's see what we can do." "Oh, ooh, oh." "So..." "I hear you have a girlfriend." "I believe I do." "What's she like?" "She's beautiful." "She's sweet." "She's slipping, she's slipping!" "There we go." "You guys were amazing." "Yeah, you think so?" "Yeah." "And there was one part where you and Mozer were singing into the same mic, and your lips got a little bit close." "A little something for Gay Danny." "I..." "I can't believe you came tonight." "I can't believe I almost didn't." "Somebody's cab's here!" "Um, that's me." "I should go." "Okay." "The song..." "That was the most..." "It was about me, right?" "Yeah." "That coulda been embarrassing." "Anyway." "It was incredible, just to know that you felt all that stuff." "I feel." "I really should go." "You don't have to." "Yeah, I do." "Hello?" "I-I don't know why I'm calling." "Fair enough." "Really, I have no good reason for waking you up." "I wasn't asleep." "Oh, good." "How much fun was tonight?" "It was the best." "See, that's it, I told you, I got nothing." "It's okay, I'm glad you called." "So, listen..." "You wanna, maybe, go get a cup of coffee or something?" "Um, it's-- it's pretty late." "No, totally!" "Maybe, maybe tomorrow." "No, it's a stupid idea, I'm sorry," "I'll let you get back to sleep." "Night!" "Was that Nicole?" "Yeah." "She looked good." "Yeah." "It's 2:00 am." "Sorry, I didn't mean to cut into your yelling-at-me time." "How was your boss' stupid band thing?" "Smoky and loud, pretty much what I expected." "Uh-huh." "So who's Lina Warbler?"