"SIR." "[ Amplified ] WHAT ?" "ARE WE BEING TOO LITERAL ?" "NO, YOU FOOL, WE'RE FOLLOWING ORDERS." "WE WERE TOLD TO COMB THE DESERT, SO WE'RE COMBING IT." "FOUND ANYTHING YET ?" "NOTHING YET, SIR." "HOW ABOUT YOU ?" "NOT A THING, SIR." "WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS ?" " WE AIN'T FOUND SHIT !" "IT'S A BIG MYSTERY." "NONE OF THE WISE MEN COULD TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS." "WISE MEN, PSHAW." "WISE GUYS, YOU MEAN." "WHAT DO THEY KNOW ?" "HERE, LET ME TAKE A LOOK." "[ Guttural Noises ]" "YOU CAN READ IT !" "NO, I WAS JUST CLEARING MY THROAT." "HERE, LET ME TAKE A" "OH, YES, YES." "OF COURSE !" "YOU UNDERSTAND IT ?" "YES." "WHAT'S IT SAY ?" "I CANNOT TELL YOU THAT NOW." "IT SHALL BE REVEALED TO YOU AT THE PROPER TIME." "GREAT." "DON'T BE DISAPPOINTED." "BACK TO YOUR SCHWARTZ TRAINING." "HERE, TAKE THE RING." "POINT IT AT THAT BIG STATUE." "OKAY, BUT I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I'M GONNA LIFT..." "THAT BIG STATUE WITH THIS LITTLE RING." "NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE SCHWARTZ !" "COME ON !" "CONCENTRATE." "HERE WE GO." "CONCENTRATE." "[ Grunting ]" "LONE STARR, YOU'RE DOING IT !" "YOU'RE DOING IT !" " HA HA HA !" " I CAN'T BELIEVE IT." "THE SCHWARTZ" " IT'S WORKING !" " [ Yogurt ] YES !" "YES !" "HEY, BOSS !" "HOW'D YOU DO THAT ?" "[ Screaming ]" "GIVE ME THE RING !" "GIVE ME THE RING, QUICK !" "UPSY-DAZSHY !" "UPSY-MAZSHY !" "UPSY-DAISY !" "WHOA !" "AAH !" " [ Screaming Continues ]" " EHH !" "SORRY, BARF." "[ Wailing ]" "KEEP SEARCHING." "IT'S NO USE, SIR." "WE'VE SEARCHED EVERYWHERE." "WAIT !" "I FEEL THE PRESENCE OF..." "THE SCHWARTZ !" "THE SCHWARTZ !" "YES." "IT'S COMING FROM SOMEWHERE..." "DOWN THERE !" "YOU'RE RIGHT, SIR !" "THERE'S A SECRET ENTRANCE HERE." "AND LOOK AT THIS INSIGNIA." "IT'S A Y." "YOGURT !" "YOGURT !" "I HATE YOGURT, EVEN WITH STRAWBERRIES." "I'LL CALL FOR THE ATTACK SQUAD." "NO, WE CAN'T GO IN THERE." "YOGURT HAS THE SCHWARTZ." "HE'S FAR TOO POWERFUL." "BUT, SIR, YOUR RING." "DON'T YOU HAVE THE SCHWARTZ TOO ?" "NO, HE GOT THE UP SIDE." "I GOT THE DOWN SIDE." "THERE'S TWO SIDES TO EVERY SCHWARTZ." "THEN HOW WE GONNA GET HER ?" "WE WILL NOT GO IN THERE." "SHE WILL COME OUT TO US." "[ Roland's Voice ] VESPA !" "VESPA, MY CHILD." "WHERE ARE YOU ?" "DADDY ?" "VESPA, IT'S YOUR FATHER, KING ROLAND." "COME TO ME." "DADDY, I HEAR YOU." "I HEAR YOU." "WHERE ARE YOU ?" "FOLLOW MY VOICE." "COME TO ME." " [ Snoring ]" "COME TO ME." " WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?" " VESPA, COME TO ME." "DADDY, IS IT REALLY YOU ?" "YES, MY DEAR." "I GUARANTEE IT." "WOULD I LIE ?" " DADDY !" " OH !" "NO, VESPA, DON'T !" "OH !" "NO !" "OHH !" "FOOLED YOU !" "[ Helmet Chuckling ]" "TAKE THEM BOTH ABOARD AND PUT THE PRINCESS IN MY QUARTERS." "YES, SIR." "NOW SHE IS MINE." "WHAT'S THE MATTER ?" "WHAT ARE THEY SAYING ?" "THEY'VE TAKEN THE PRINCESS !" "DINK, DINK, DINK, DINK !" "[ Lone Starr ] SPACEBALLS." "TOO LATE." "DON'T WORRY, BOSS." "WE'LL GET HER BACK." "YEAH." "THANKS FOR THE GAS, YOGURT." "YOU'RE WELCOME." "AND HERE." "JUST IN CASE THEY GET HUNGRY." "A FORTUNE COOKIE ?" "YES." "REMEMBER, OPEN IT BEFORE YOU EAT IT." "THANKS." "WELL, WE BETTER GET GOING." "I WONDER, WILL WE EVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN ?" "WHO KNOWS ?" "GOD WILLING," "WE'LL ALL MEET AGAIN INSPACEBALLS II, THE SEARCH FOR MORE MONEY." "GOOD-BYE, LONE STARR." "GOOD-BYE, YOGURT." "THE RING OF THE SCHWARTZ." "NO, NO, I CAN'T TAKE THIS." "TAKE IT." "TAKE IT." "YOU MIGHT NEED IT." "THANKS." "I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU." " WISH ME LUCK." " [ Indistinct ]" "[ Shouting Good-Byes ]" "SO, PRINCESS VESPA," "AT LAST I HAVE YOU IN MY CLUTCHES..." "TO HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU THE WAY I WANT TO." "NO !" "NO, PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE !" "NO, YOU ARE MINE." "NOT SO FAST, HELMET." "LONE STARR." "YES, IT'S ME." "I'M HERE TO SAVE MY GIRLFRIEND." "HI, HONEY." "NOW YOU ARE GOING TO DIE." "OH !" "OH !" "OH !" "HEY, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FRIEND ?" "THE SAME THING I'M GOING TO DO TO YOU, BIG BOY." "OH !" "OH !" "AND YOU TOO." "OH !" "OH !" "NOW, PRINCESS VESPA," "AT LAST WE ARE ALONE." "OH !" "NO !" "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU !" "LEAVE ME ALONE !" "YET I FIND YOU STRANGELY ATTRACTIVE." "OF COURSE YOU DO." "JEWISH PRINCESSES ARE OFTEN ATTRACTED TO MONEY AND POWER," "AND I HAVE BOTH AND YOU KNOW IT." "OH !" "LEAVE ME ALONE !" "NO." "KISS ME." "NO !" "NO !" "YES !" "NO !" "NO, YES, NO, YES." "AH !" "OH !" "OH !" "OH !" "AH !" "OH !" "OHH !" "OH !" "YOUR HELMET IS SO BIG !" "LORD HELMET !" "WHAT ?" "YOU'RE NEEDED ON THE BRIDGE." "KNOCK ON MY DOOR !" "KNOCK NEXT TIME !" "YES, SIR." "DID YOU SEE ANYTHING ?" "NO, SIR." "I DIDN'T SEE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR DOLLS AGAIN." "GOOD !" "[ Urinating ]" "PRESIDENT SKROOB !" "AAH !" "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME ON THIS WALL." "THIS IS AN UNLISTED WALL." "SORRY, SIR, BUT IT'S VERY IMPORTANT." "THE PRINCESS HAS JUST BEEN BROUGHT TO YOUR OFFICE," "AND LORD HELMET AND COLONEL SANDURZ ARE AWAITING YOU THERE." " ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT." "TELL THEM I'LL BE RIGHT THERE." " YES, SIR." "[ Zipper Zips ] AAH !" "[ Groans ]" "[ Toilet Flushes ]" "HELMET, YOU FIEND !" "WHAT'S GOING ON ?" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DAUGHTER ?" "PERMIT ME TO INTRODUCE THE BRILLIANT YOUNG PLASTIC SURGEON..." "DR. PHILLIP SCHLOTKIN," "THE GREATEST NOSE JOB MAN IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND BEVERLY HILLS." " YOUR HIGHNESS." " NOSE JOB ?" "I DON'T UNDERSTAND." "SHE'S ALREADY HAD A NOSE JOB." "IT WAS HER SWEET 16 PRESENT." "NO, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK." "IT'S MUCH, MUCH WORSE." "IF YOU DO NOT GIVE ME THE COMBINATION TO THE AIR SHIELD," "DR. SCHLOTKIN WILL GIVE YOUR DAUGHTER BACK..." "HER OLD NOSE." "[ Gasps ] NO-O-O !" " WHERE DID YOU GET THAT ?" " ALL RIGHT." "I'LL TELL." "I'LL TELL." "NO, DADDY." "NO, YOU MUSTN'T." "YOU'RE RIGHT, MY DEAR." "I'LL MISS YOUR NEW NOSE," "BUT I WILL NOT TELL THEM THE COMBINATION NO MATTER WHAT." "VERY WELL." "DR. SCHLOTKIN, DO YOUR WORST." "MY PLEASURE." "[ King Roland ] NO !" "WAIT !" "WAIT !" "I'LL TELL." "I'LL TELL." "I KNEW IT WOULD WORK." "ALL RIGHT." "GIVE IT TO ME." "THE COMBINATION IS..." " ONE, - [ Together ] ONE." " TWO, - [ Together ] TWO." " THREE, - [ Together ] THREE." " FOUR, - [ Together ] FOUR." " FIVE." " [ Together ] FIVE." "[ Helmet ] SO THE COMBINATION IS ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE." "THAT'S THE STUPIDEST COMBINATION I EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE !" "THAT'S THE KIND OF THING AN IDIOT WOULD HAVE ON HIS LUGGAGE !" "THANK YOU, YOUR HIGHNESS." "[ Click ]" "WHAT DID YOU DO ?" "I TURNED OFF THE WALL." "YOU TURNED OFF THE WHOLE MOVIE." "I MUST'VE PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON." "PUT THE MOVIE BACK ON !" "YES, SIR." "[ Click ] YOU'VE GOT TO GET THAT THING FIXED." "WE'RE BACK, AND WE HAVE THE COMBINATION." "SCHLOTKIN !" "[ Woman Moaning ]" "WHAT ?" "WE'RE DONE WITH YOU." "GO BACK TO THE GOLF COURSE AND WORK ON YOUR "PUTZ."" "LET'S GO, ARNOLD." "COME, GRETCHEN." "'COURSE, YOU KNOW I'LL STILL HAVE TO BILL YOU FOR THIS." "OOH !" "BET SHE GIVES GREAT HELMET." "[ Shudders ]" "WELL, DID IT WORK ?" "WHERE'S THE KING ?" "IT WORKED, SIR." "WE HAVE THE COMBINATION." "GREAT !" "NOW WE CAN TAKE EVERY BREATH OF FRESH AIR FROM PLANET DRUIDIA." " WHAT'S THE COMBINATION ?" " ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE." "ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE ?" "YES." "THAT'S AMAZING !" "I'VE GOT THE SAME COMBINATION ON MY LUGGAGE !" "PREPARESPACEBALL I FOR IMMEDIATE DEPARTURE." "YES, SIR." "AND CHANGE THE COMBINATION ON MY LUGGAGE !" "AAH !" "THERE IT IS." "SPACEBALL CITY, STRAIGHT AHEAD." "GOOD." "I'M TAKIN' HER IN." "[ Thrusters Firing ]" "[ Man ] HEY !" "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING ?" "LOOKS LIKE A WINNEBAGO WITH WINGS." "JESUS !" "HEY !" "YOU CAN'T PARK HERE !" "YEAH, CAN'T YOU GUYS READ ?" "NO PARKING !" " [ Kissing Sounds ]" " THAT SON OF A" "ALL RIGHT." "HEADS UP." "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR ILLEGAL PARKING." "YEAH !" "[ All Exclaiming ]" "[ Man Over P.A. ] WARDEN MILLER." "WARDEN MILLER." "YOU'RE WANTED IN B-17." "ATTENTION." "ATTENTION." "SECTION C SCANNERS REPORT." "SHE'S GOT TO BE IN ONE OF THESE CELLS." " YEAH, BUT WHICH ONE ?" "NO." "NO." "[ Vespa ] ## NOBODY KNOWS ## IT'S COMING FROM THERE." "THAT CAN'T BE HER." "## THE TROUBLE I'VE SEEN ##" "## NOBODY KNOWS ##" "## BUT JESUS ##" "IT'S HER." "## NOBODY KNOWS ##" "## THE TROUBLE I'VE SEEN ##" "SHE'S A BASS !" "## GLORY, HALLELUJAH ##" "AY-EE !" " WHAT DO YOU WANT ?" " IT'S ME." "IT'S US !" "LONE STARR !" "HOW DID YOU FIND US ?" "NO TIME TO TALK." "COME ON." " WE GOTTA MOVE !" " HOW'D YOU DO IT ?" "COME ON." "WAIT !" "THOSE ARE THE GUYS THAT STOLE OUR UNIFORMS !" "AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF US TOO." "UH-OH." "WE GOT COMPANY." "WATCH OUT !" "DAMN IT !" "THAT'S OUR ONLY WAY OUT !" "WE'RE TRAPPED !" "OH, I HATE THESE MOVIES." "OHH !" "I'M OUT OF AMMO." "GET BACK." "I'LL HOLD HIM OFF." "I'VE GOT AN IDEA !" "WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?" "WHAT'S HE DOING ?" "[ Shouting ]" "[ Groaning ]" "GOOD WORK." "MORE PING PONGS." "RUN FOR IT." "LET'S GO !" "[ Guns Firing ]" "IT'S CLOSING !" " THE DOOR'S CLOSING !" " GO FOR BROKE !" "[ All Yelling ]" "DON'T MOVE OR YOU'RE DEAD." "STAND UP." "CAPTAIN, WE'VE GOT THEM." "SPECTACULAR STUNT, MY FRIENDS," "BUT ALL FOR NAUGHT." "TURN AROUND, PLEASE." "AH." "WHAT A PITY." "WHAT A PITY." "SO, PRINCESS, YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD OUTWIT THE IMPERIOUS FORCE OF-- [ Gasps ]" "YOU IDIOTS !" "THESE ARE NOT THEM !" "YOU'VE CAPTURED THEIR STUNT DOUBLES !" "SEARCH THE AREA !" "FIND THEM !" "FIND THEM !" "HURRY UP !" "GET ABOARD !" "I'LL HOLD THEM OFF !" "OPEN THE DOOR !" "I CAN'T !" "IT'S FUSED !" "WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE ?" "IT'S LOCKED." " WHERE ARE THE KEYS?" " INSIDE." " OH, GREAT." "DUCK !" "YOU HOLD 'EM OFF." "I'LL GET THE DOOR." "I'M NOT SHOOTIN' THIS THING." "I HATE GUNS." "MY HAIR !" "HE SHOT MY HAIR." "YOU SON OF A BITCH !" "HOLY SHIT !" "HOW WAS THAT ?" "NOT BAD." "NOT BAD..." "FOR A GIRL." "HEY, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD FOR RAMBO." "LET'S BLOW THIS JOINT." "[ Footsteps Pounding ]" "PRESIDENT SKROOB !" "SALUTE !" "[ All ] HAIL, SKROOB !" "THE SHIP IS TOO BIG." "IF I WALK, THE MOVIE'LL BE OVER." "SIR." "YES ?" "OOH !" "NEVER HAVE THAT DAMN THING DOWN IN FRONT OF ME." "HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT MAKING FACES AT ME UNDER THAT THING ?" "PRESIDENT SKROOB." "THERE IT IS" " PLANET DRUIDIA." "YES." "AHH." "PLANET DRUIDIA." "AND 10,000 YEARS OF FRESH AIR." "THE WAY HE RUNS THINGS, IT WON'T LAST 100." "WHAT ?" "PREPARING SHIP FOR METAMORPHOSIS, SIR." "GOOD." "GET ON WITH IT." "READY, KAFKA ?" "LOOK, IT'SSPACEBALL I." "THEY'VE REACHED THE AIR SHIELD." "[ Dot ] AND IT'S OPENING !" "[ Barf ] THE SHIP'S TOO BIG." "THEY'LL NEVER GET THROUGH." "HOW ARE THEY GONNA GET THE AIR OUT ?" "I DON'T SEE ANY HOSES OR ANYTHING." "WHAT'S HAPPENING ?" "THE SHIP, IT'S CHANGING." "OH, MY GOSH !" "IT'S NOT JUST A SPACESHIP." "IT'S A TRANSFORMER !" "IT'S CHANGING INTO-- A GIGANTIC- [ Vespa ] MAID !" "[ Barf ] WITH A VACUUM CLEANER." "SO THAT'S HOW THEY'RE GONNA GET THE AIR OUT." "METAMORPHOSIS COMPLETED, SIR." "SPACEBALL IHAS NOW BECOME..." "MEGA-MAID." " GOOD !" "REMARKABLE !" "NOW, COMMENCE OPERATION VACU-SUCK !" "[ Whooshing ]" "[ All Chanting ] SUCK !" "SUCK !" "SUCK !" "GOOD-BYE, LITTLE VESPA." "MY LITTLE..." "BABY VESPA." "[ Panting, Wheezing ]" "[ Groans ]" "THE AIR BAG, IT'S ALMOST FULL !" "WHAT'LL WE DO ?" "WE'VE GOTTA ACT FAST." "STEP ONE" "WE REVERSE THE VACUUM AND BLOW THE AIR BACK ONTO THE PLANET." "STEP TWO-- WE DESTROY THAT THING." "BUT ISN'T THAT DANGEROUS ?" "EXTREMELY." "PLUS..." "I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL WE'RE GONNA DO IT." " WHAT ABOUT THE RING YOGURT GAVE YOU ?" " OH, YEAH." "BUT" "COME ON, BOSS." "GIVE IT A SHOT." "OKAY." "HERE GOES NOTHING." "[ Vespa ] LOOK AT THAT !" "WOW !" "[ Barf ] IT'S-IT'S WORKING !" "[ Vespa ] COME ON, SCHWARTZ." " [ All ] COME ON, SCHWARTZ." "COME ON, SCHWARTZ !" "HELMET, WHAT'S GOING ON ?" "SANDURZ, WHAT'S GOING ON?" "IT'SMEGA-MAID." "SHE'S GONE FROM SUCK TO BLOW." "WHAT ?" "THEY'RE GETTING ALL THEIR AIR BACK." "DO SOMETHING !" "DO SOMETHING !" "DO SOMETHING !" "I'M BREATHING." "AIR." "AIR !" "DIM THE LIGHTS." "DIMMING THE LIGHTS." "GO TO INFRARED." "GOING TO INFRARED." "AND PRAY TO GOD." "PRAYING TO GOD." "[ Blipping ]" "[ Dot ] BE CAREFUL !" "CAREFUL !" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?" "SCANNING." "THERE'S GOTTA BE A SELF-DESTRUCT MECHANISM..." "SOMEWHERE IN THE CENTRAL BRAIN AREA." "I THINK WE JUST FOUND IT." "WHERE ?" "WATCH." "[ Switch Clicks ]" "[ Lone Starr ] BINGO." "THERE IT IS." "IT'S RIGHT BELOW US." "PUT HER IN HOVER, BARF." "PUTTING HER IN HOVER." "I'M GOING DOWN THERE." "HE'S GOING DOWN THERE." "I WOULDN'T." "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ?" "THE VULCAN NECK PINCH ?" "NO, NO, NO, STUPID." "YOU GOT IT MUCH TOO HIGH." "IT'S DOWN HERE WHERE THE SHOULDER MEETS THE NECK." "LIKE THIS ?" "YEAH !" "THANKS." "[ Female Computer Voice ] HAND PRINT IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE." "HAND PRINT IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE." "HAND PRINT IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE." "HAND PRINT-- [ Beeping ]" "THANKS AGAIN." "IS THAT YOU, MYLAR ?" "WHO ARE YOU ?" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT ?" "THIS !" "[ Shouting, Choking ]" "[ Groans ]" "SWEET DREAMS." "[ Beeping ]" "NOT SO FAST, LONE STARR." "HELMET !" "SO, AT LAST WE MEET..." "FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR THE LAST TIME." " YEAH." " BEFORE YOU DIE," "THERE IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT US, LONE STARR." "WHAT ?" "I AM YOUR FATHER'S BROTHER'S NEPHEW'S..." "COUSIN'S FORMER ROOMMATE." "WHAT'S THAT MAKE US ?" "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING," "WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO BECOME !" "PREPARE TO DIE." "YOU HAVE THE RING," "AND I SEE YOUR SCHWARTZ IS AS BIG AS MINE." "NOW LET'S SEE HOW WELL YOU HANDLE IT." "[ Screaming ]" "UM, HE DID IT." "WHAT ?" "SHIT !" "I HATE IT WHEN I GET MY SCHWARTZ TWISTED." "OKAY, MAYBE IF I PUT MY LEG UP ON YOURS," "YOU KNOW, WE COULD SPLIT APART LIKE" "GOOD, YEAH." "ON THREE." "ONE, TWO, THREE, GO !" "[ Laughing ]" "[ Grunting ]" "[ Screams ] OW !" "OHH !" "[ Groaning ]" "SO, LONE STARR, YOGURT HAS TAUGHT YOU WELL." "IF THERE'S ONE THING I DESPISE, IT IS A FAIR FIGHT." "BUT IF I MUST, THEN I MUST." "MAY THE BEST MAN WIN." "PUT 'ER THERE." "THE RING !" "I CAN'T BELIEVE..." "YOU FELL FOR THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK !" "WHAT A GOOF !" "WHAT'S WITH YOU, MAN ?" "COME ON." "YOU KNOW WHAT ?" "HERE, LET ME GIVE IT BACK TO YOU." "OHH !" "OH, LOOK AT THAT!" "YOU FELL FOR THAT TOO." "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, MAN." "SO, LONE STARR," "NOW YOU SEE THAT EVIL WILL ALWAYS TRIUMPH," "BECAUSE GOOD IS DUMB." "VERY IMPRESSIVE, LONE STARR." "TOO BAD THIS ISN'T THE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS." "[ Yogurt's Voice ] USE THE SCHWARTZ, LONE STARR." "USE THE SCHWARTZ !" "I CAN'T." "I LOST THE RING." "FORGET THE RING." "THE RING IS BUPKIS." "I FOUND IT IN A CRACKER JACK BOX." "THE SCHWARTZ IS IN YOU, LONE STARR." "IT'S IN YOU !" "ALL RIGHT." "I'LL TRY." "SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS," "AND I DON'T MEAN YOUR PALS IN THE WINNEBAGO." "[ Screaming ]" "[ Computer ] THANK YOU FOR PRESSING THE SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON." "[ Alarm Sounding ] THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN THREE MINUTES." "WHAT'S GOING ON ?" "WHERE THE HELL ARE WE ?" "PARIS ?" "[ Computer ] THANK YOU FOR PRESSING THE SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON." "THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN EXACTLY TWO MINUTES AND 45 SECONDS." "YOU'VE GOTTA STOP IT." "IS THERE ANY WAY TO STOP IT ?" "I CAN'T." "IT'S IRREVERSIBLE." "LIKE MY RAINCOAT." "ATTENTION, THIS IS COLONEL SANDURZ IN FORWARD COMMAND." "ABANDON SHIP !" "ABANDON SHIP !" "ALL PERSONNEL PROCEED TO ESCAPE PODS." "CLOSE DOWN THE CIRCUS." "EVACUATE THE ZOO." "THE SELF-DESTRUCT MECHANISM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED." "ABANDON SHIP !" "SANDURZ." "SANDURZ, YOU GOTTA HELP ME !" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO !" "I CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS !" "I'M A PRESIDENT !" "THIS IS YOUR TWO-MINUTE WARNING." "THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN EXACTLY TWO MINUTES." "LAUNCH ALL ESCAPE PODS AS SOON AS THEY ARE FILLED !" "WHAT'S HAPPENING ?" "WHERE IS HE ?" "## SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ##" "WHERE IS HE ?" "HERE." "WE GOT A MINUTE AND FORTY BEFORE THE END OF THE WORLD." "HANG ON." "## SPACEBALLS ##" "FULL THROTTLE." "FULL THROTTLE." "GO TO HYPER JETS." "GOING TO HYPER JETS." "## IF YOU'RE LIVIN' IN A BUBBLE AND YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CARE ##" "HEY, GET OUT OF THERE !" "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING ?" "PIZZA TO GO !" "[ Laughing ]" "## WELL, YOU'RE GONNA BE IN TROUBLE 'CAUSE THEY'RE GONNA STEAL YOUR AIR ##" "## 'CAUSE WHAT YOU GOT IS WHAT WE NEED, AND ALL WE DO IS DIRTY DEEDS ##" "## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "[ Roaring ]" "HEY, HEY, HEY." "THAT'S MY ESCAPE POD !" "WHO ARE YOU ?" "I'M THE BEARDED LADY." "WHAT ARE YOU, ONE OF THE FREAKS ?" "[ Laughing ]" "HEY, HEY, COME BACK !" "THAT'S MY POD !" "NO !" "COME BACK, YOU FAT, BEARDED BITCH !" "ONE POD LEFT." "AND THREE OF US." "AND I'M THE PRESIDENT." "WELL, BOYS, IT'S A VERY LOVELY SHIP." "I THINK YOU SHOULD GO DOWN WITH IT." "GOOD-BYE !" "WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH THIS SEAT BELT ?" "[ Screams ] [ Roars ]" "[ Gasping ]" "## SPACEBALLS ##" "[ Computer ] THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 20 SECONDS." "THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO PUSH THE CANCELLATION BUTTON." "CANCELLATION BUTTON ?" "HURRY !" "## SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ## [ All Grunting ]" "WHERE IS IT ?" "IT'S GOTTA BE HERE." "[ Helmet ] "OUT OF ORDER" ?" "FUCK !" "EVEN IN THE FUTURE, NOTHING WORKS." "[ Computer ] THIS SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN EXACTLY TEN SECONDS." "[ All Gasping ] COUNTING DOWN." "TEN, NINE," "EIGHT, SIX" "SIX ?" "WHAT HAPPENED TO SEVEN ?" "JUST KIDDING." "THERE'S THE OTHER END !" "FASTER !" "FIVE, FOUR," "THREE, TWO, ONE." "HAVE A NICE DAY." "[ Together ] THANK YOU." "[ Vespa ] WE DID IT !" "[ All Cheering ]" "WE ALL DID IT." "[ All Yelling ]" "SO I GUESS YOU MIGHT CALL THAT A CASE OF MAN BITES DROID ?" "ON A SADDER NOTE, PIZZA THE HUT," "FAMED HALF-MAN, HALF-PIZZA," "WAS FOUND DEAD EARLIER TODAY IN THE BACK SEAT OF HIS STRETCHED LIMO." "EVIDENTLY, THE NOTORIOUS GANGSTER..." "BECAME LOCKED IN HIS CAR AND ATE HIMSELF TO DEATH." "COMING UP, PONGO'S REVIEW OFROCKY 5,000." "PONGO ?" "DID YOU HEAR THAT ?" "PIZZA KICKED THE BUCKET." "NOW WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY HIM THE MILLION." "WE CAN KEEP IT FOR OURSELVES." "YEAH." " DADDY !" " OHH !" "VESPA, MY DARLING !" "I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN." "OH, MY SWEET LITTLE DAUGHTER." "I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HOME AND SAFE." "AND LITTLE VESPA, HERE'S SOMEONE ELSE WHO'S HAPPY TO SEE YOU." "OH, HELLO." "[ Yawns ] WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?" "THANKS, HON." "## HELLO, BABY ## [ Guitar Feedback ]" "#### [ Heavy Metal ]" "HIYA, BIG STUFF." "HI, DREAM." "WHAT'LL YOU HAVE ?" "WE JUST GOT A COUPLE MINUTES WHILE WE'RE GASSIN' UP." "WHAT'S READY ?" "I CAN GIVE YOU THE SPACE SOUP OR THE SPACE SPECIAL." "[ Lone Starr ] UM, I'LL HAVE THE SOUP." "OKAY." "I'LL HAVE THE CLEAVAGE-- UH, SPECIAL." "OKAY." "ONE SPECIAL AND ONE SOUP." "READY TO ORDER ?" "HI." "YES." "WE'LL BOTH HAVE THE LUNAFISH." "ANYTHING TO DRINK ?" "HEY, HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE STICKING THAT THING." "HUH ?" "OH." "LOOK, IT'S GOT A MIND OF ITS OWN, SWEETHEART." "I CAN'T DO A THING WITH IT." "[ Chuckles, Howls ]" " WHAT ?" " WE WERE LOST." "NONE OF US KNEW WHERE WE WERE." "AND THEN HARRY BEGAN FEELING AROUND ON ALL THE TREES." "THEN HE SAID, "I GOT IT." "WE ON PLUTO."" "AND WE SAY, "HARRY, HOW CAN YOU TELL ?"" "HE SAID, "FROM THE BARK, YOU DUMMIES."" "FROM THE BARK !" "[ Choking ] IS HE ALL RIGHT ?" "HEY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS GUY ?" "I DON'T KNOW !" "[ Choking Continues ]" "BRING HIM SOME WATER !" "WATER, MY ASS !" "BRING THIS GUY SOME PEPTO BISMOL !" "WAITRESS !" "WAITRESS !" "WHAT DID HE ORDER ?" "OH, HE HAD THE SPECIAL." "THE SP" "THAT'S WHAT I ORDERED !" "CHANGE MY ORDER TO THE SOUP." "GOOD MOVE." "[ Groaning ]" "[ Hissing ]" "OH, NO." "NOT AGAIN." " [ Screaming ] - [ Growling ]" "## HELLO, MY BABY HELLO, MY HONEY ##" "## HELLO, MY RAGTIME GAL ##" "## SEND ME A KISS BY WIRE BABY, MY HEART'S ON FIRE ##" "## IF YOU REFUSE ME HONEY, YOU'LL LOSE ME ##" "## THEN YOU'LL BE LEFT ALONE OH, BABY, TELEPHONE ##" "## AND TELL ME I'M YOUR OWN ####" "[ Together ] CHECK, PLEASE." "FIVE MINUTES TO MAGIC TIME." "ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MY DEAR ?" "YOU LOOK A LITTLE FLIGHTY." "DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, FATHER." "I'M COMPLETELY OVER HIM." "HUH !" "DIDN'T EVEN STAY FOR THE WEDDING." "JUST GRABBED HIS MILLION SPACE BUCKS AND RAN." "HE DIDN'T TAKE THE MILLION." "HE DIDN'T ?" "NO." "HE JUST TOOK 248 SPACE BUCKS FOR LUNCH, GAS AND TOLLS." "[ Barf ] I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TURNED DOWN THE MONEY." "AT LEAST WE COULD HAVE STAYED FOR THE WEDDING FEAST." "I'M STARVING !" "HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING TO EAT ?" "NAH." "OH, WAIT A MINUTE." "YOGURT GAVE ME THAT FORTUNE COOKIE." "HERE, CHOW DOWN." "WOW, THANKS." "I'LL SPLIT IT WITH YOU." "NO." "OKAY." "[ Together ] YOGURT !" "HELLO, BOYS." "WELL, YOU OPENED YOUR FORTUNE COOKIE, SO HERE'S YOUR FORTUNE." "LONE STARR, YOU KNOW THAT MEDALLION THAT YOU WEAR AROUND YOUR NECK..." "BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS ?" "WELL, HERE'S WHAT IT MEANS." "IT'S A ROYAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE." "YES !" "YOUR FATHER WAS A KING, YOUR MOTHER WAS A QUEEN," "WHICH MAKES YOU A CERTIFIED PRINCE." "HEY, I'M A PRINCE." "I'M A PRINCE, WHICH MEANS" "WHICH MEANS IF YOU HURRY, THERE COULD BE A PRINCESS IN YOUR FUTURE." "NOW, IF YOU WANNA GET BACK THERE BEFORE SHE MARRIES SLEEPING BEAUTY," "THERE'S A SPECIAL CAN OF FUEL IN YOUR GLOVE COMPARTMENT." " GOOD LUCK, BOYS." " BYE, YOGURT." "AND YOGURT, THANKS." "YOU'RE WELCOME." "AND MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU !" "[ Ululating ]" "WHAT A WORLD." "WHAT A WORLD." "BARF," "OPEN THAT GLOVE COMPARTMENT." "YOU GOT IT, YOUR HIGHNESS." "WOW !" "LIQUID SCHWARTZ !" " QUICK." "POUR IT IN THE EMERGENCY TANK." " RIGHT." "[ Lone Starr ] LOOK AT THAT !" "DONE !" "HANG ON, BARFO." "WE'RE GONNA MAKE SPACE TRACKS." "[ Screeching ]" "[ Shouting ]" "[ Shouting Continues ]" "DEAR ME." "WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS COMING OUT OF HER NOSE ?" "HEY, HEY, WATCH MY HELMET !" "[ Both Grunting ]" " SPACEBALLS ?" " OH, SHIT." "THERE GOES THE PLANET." "DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE..." "TOGETHER, AGAIN" "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HE DIDN'T TAKE THE MONEY ?" " I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS IMPORTANT." " MAY I CONTINUE, PLEASE ?" "BESIDES, HE ASKED ME NOT TO TELL YOU." "THANK YOU." "TO JOIN PRINCESS VESPA..." "AND PRINCESS VALIUM" "I'M SORRY." "IT'S THE HAIR." "PRINCE VALIUM, IN THE BONDS OF HOLY MATRIMONY" "I SEE IT ALL NOW." "DON'T YOU SEE HE LOVES ME ?" "EXCUSE ME." "I'M TRYING TO CONDUCT A WEDDING HERE, WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE." " PLEASE BE QUIET." " [ Together ] I'M SORRY." " I'M SORRY TOO." " DON'T BE SORRY." "BE QUIET !" "[ All ] I'M SORRY !" "TO JOIN PRINCESS VESPA AND PRINCE VALIUM..." "IN THE BONDS OF-- HOLY MOLEY !" "[ Spaceship Roars Overhead ]" "[ All Gasping ]" "UH, MATRIMONY !" "[ Vespa ] THAT'S HIM !" "I KNOW IT'S HIM !" "HE'S COME BACK !" "[ Minister ] THAT'S IT." "I'M GONNA TAKE NO MORE CHANCES." "WE'RE DOING THE SHORT VERSION." "PRINCE VALIUM, DO YOU TAKE PRINCESS VESPA TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE ?" " [ Yawning ] UH-HUH." " DO YOU TAKE PRINCE VALIUM TO BE YOUR HUSBAND ?" "UH, WELL, I" " I SUPPOSE." "OH, I DON'T KNOW." "NO, SHE DOESN'T !" "WHAT ?" "[ Exclaiming ]" "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU ?" " PRINCE LONE STARR." " PRINCE ?" "I JUST FOUND OUT." "THAT'S WHAT THIS SAYS." "I'M AN HONEST-TO-GOD PRINCE." "WILL YOU MARRY ME ?" "WELL, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT." "YES." "[ Minister ] I'M SICK OF THIS." "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHO IT IS," "BUT I'M GONNA MARRY SOMEBODY TODAY !" "WHO ARE YOU ?" "I'M THE BEST MAN." "WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?" "BARF." " YOUR FULL NAME." " BARFOLOMEW." " ARE YOU THE ONE THAT'S GETTING MARRIED ?" " NO." "THEN GET OVER THERE !" "OKAY, HERE WE GO." "THE SHORT, SHORT VERSION." "DO YOU ?" "YES." "DO YOU ?" "YES." "GOOD." "YOU'RE MARRIED." "KISS HER." "I LOVE YOU." "I LOVE YOU." "[ Sniffling ] WELL, GOOD-BYE, VIRGIN ALARM." "## IF YOU'RE LIVIN' IN A BUBBLE AND YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CARE ##" "## WELL, YOU'RE GONNA BE IN TROUBLE 'CAUSE THEY'RE GONNA STEAL YOUR AIR ##" "## 'CAUSE WHAT YOU GOT IS WHAT WE NEED, AND ALL WE DO IS DIRTY DEEDS ##" "## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ## ## 'CAUSE WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE ## ## HEY, DON'T MESS AROUND ##" "## WITH THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## HUH ##" "## GOIN' CRUISIN' IS A SPACESHIP WE'RE SO GOOD AT BEIN' BAD ##" "## WE'LL DESTROY YOUR LITTLE PLANET IF YOU EVER GET US MAD ##" "## WE'RE MOTHERS OF THE GALAXY YOU BETTER SCATTER WHEN YOU SEE ##" "## THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ## ## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE ## ## SAY WHAT DON'T MESS AROUND ##" "## WITH THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ##" "## WE'RE MOTHERS OF THE GALAXY ##" "## WE'RE GONNA TAKE THE AIR YOU BREATHE ##" "## OH, SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ## ## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE ##" "## DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ## ## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE ##" "## DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ## ## WE'VE GOT AN AWESOME LITTLE SHIP ##" "## SO YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR LIP ##" "## 'CAUSE WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ## ## YOU MAY THINK THAT YOU ARE BAD ##" "## BUT BELIEVE YOU CAN BE HAD ##" "## BY THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ## ## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WATCH OUT ## ## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WE'RE THE MASTERS OF SPACE ##" "## DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WE'RE SO BAD AND MEAN ##" "## WE MAKE NIGHTMARES OUT OF DREAMS ##" "## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## WE'RE THE SPACEBALLS ##" "## YOU BETTER ## ## WATCH OUT ####" "[ Man Chuckling ]"