"(ROCK SONG PLAYING)" "They always get that carried away or..." "MARLOWE:" "Didn't you when you were that age, sir?" "And that report of yours." "Let me see it." "Let me see it again." ""Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at the beach house." ""2:30 to 4:30."" "Any other times they meet?" "Lady's got commitments." "You..." "You got the camera out of there, didn't you?" "Yes, sir." "Last night." "Any more copies of this..." "No, sir." "No copies." "And I presume no more copies of this?" "You presume correctly, Counselor." "(SIGHS)" "Hugh!" "Open the door." "Hugh!" "Open this door!" "Hugh, I'm warning you, open the door!" "Bastard!" "$378,000 above the estimate?" "Why, Charlie?" "Now, what the hell am I supposed to tell the bank?" "Glass just went up 60 cents a square foot, Mr. Creighton." "The prime rate went up a half a point today." "I got to renegotiate every loan I made." "I don't know what to tell you." "Look at these cost run totals." "Hi, darling." "Hi, Charlie." "Afternoon, Mrs. Creighton." "What do you think of your building?" "It's beautiful." "Gosh, what a beautiful view." "All right, Charlie, I'll talk to the bank, and I'll just get back to you tomorrow." "Okay." "Bye, Mrs. Creighton." "Bye, Charlie." "All right, you..." "Now, what's this all about?" "You throw my things out and lock me out of my house?" "That's very simple, sweetheart." "We're finished." "Done, through." "It's over." "Hugh, after four years, that's it?" "Mmm-hmm." "You decide we're finished?" "You throw my things out of my house and change the locks?" "It's my house, Marcy, not yours." "Not ours." "Mine." "No!" "It's not gonna be that easy." "You want out?" "Okay." "But it's gonna cost you." "Gonna cost me?" "What, money?" "Aren't you forgetting one little thing?" "We're not married." "But we've been living together for four years as man and wife." "You heard Charlie, he calls me Mrs. Creighton." "Everyone does." "The servants." "Everyone." "Well, the fact is, though, you're not Mrs. Creighton." "I'll tell you what you are." "You're a has-been rock star who used to be Hugh Creighton's mistress." "That's what you are." "(GASPS)" "Sweetheart..." "Be careful there, honey." "You fall off this building, somebody might think it wasn't an accident." "I can see the headlines right now." ""Famous lawyer kills mistress."" "That's not real good for business." "Be careful, all right?" "You want headlines?" "I'll give you a headline." ""Marcy tells how America's most famous lawyer buys cops," ""judges, witnesses and prosecutors."" "You little tramp!" "It'll be your word against mine." "And who do you think they'll believe?" "The shyster lawyer or sweet, little me?" "How much do you want?" "The same as I'd get as your wife." "I figure you've made about 10 million since we've been living together." "Half of that's five million." "And I want it now." "In cash." "Marcy, I don't have five million dollars in cash." "Every cent I've got is tied up in this building." "You know that." "So, sell it." "I'll give you two months." "Until then, we'll continue living exactly as we have been." "Now, may I have the keys to the house, darling?" "Morning, Ando." "(INAUDIBLE)" "Beautiful day, huh?" "You're in the paper again today." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "It's a nice picture." "Come, take a look." "Nice picture, eh?" "Mmm-hmm." "As opposed to what?" "It's a big article." "You've got three columns." "Hmm." "Not bad, huh?" "Yeah." "Want a refill?" "Sure." "So, how come you're being so sweet this morning?" "Well, guilt, I think." "Yeah, it's guilt." "I've been worried about the trial and the cost overruns on the building, and I..." "I guess I took it out on you, and that's..." "That's not right." "Oh, you know what else?" "No." "What?" "I love you." "I do." "You going to the beach today?" "Yeah." "What time are you coming back?" "About 5:30." "Same as usual." "Same as usual?" "Mmm-hmm." "Okay, I'll tell you what." "Why don't I meet you back here at 6:00," "I'll take you out to dinner." "Someplace not unromantic." "Okay?" "Okay." "Okay." "I'm coming!" "(EXCLAIMING)" "(BOTH GIGGLING)" "Lemon." "Champ Du Bois." "The caviar." "(BOTH CHUCKLING)" "Mmm." "Mmm." "(BOTH EXCLAIMING)" "Bang." "Bang." "Whoa!" "Does this taste all right to you?" "(CHUCKLES) Yeah." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "I just don't feel like having champagne today." "Here." "(EXCLAIMING)" "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Yeah." "Mmm, that's good." "(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)" "MARCY:" "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm feeling..." "Feeling dizzy." "I think I'm gonna pass out." "(CHUCKLES) It's too much champagne too fast, hon." "(LAUGHS)" "HUGH:" "Hey." "Hope I'm not disturbing you lovebirds." "No, you don't hurt him." "(SIGHS)" "Hey, Marcy." "Wake up, babe." "It's late." "Hey, Marce." "(MUSIC BLARING)" "Hey, you, you!" "(LOWERS VOLUME) What?" "How much did you pay for that?" "For this?" "Yeah." "299, list." "299?" "299?" "Yeah, well, I mean, you could get it cheaper, I suppose." "How?" "You shop around, in discount stores." "Dodi's Discount store, man." "Dodi's is the best." "Lowest prices in town." "My wife's nephew's birthday is coming up." "Yeah?" "He's been dropping hints, you know." "299, list." "What does list mean?" "I don't know." "Let's go around here, Lieutenant." "Dodi's." "Better keep everybody out of here until the lab finds out who those footprints belong to." "Oh, it's okay, Lieutenant." "Sergeant Habach's already identified them as the cleaning lady's." "The cleaning lady?" "Yes, sir." "Yeah, look the way that's raked." "It's got that herringbone on either side and some kind of mish-mush in the middle." "I think it's better if we go in the front way." "Whatever you say, Lieutenant." "All right, we need to clear a path for the lieutenant here, please." "How was she killed, Lieutenant?" "I just got here." "Are there any suspects?" "I just got here." "Out of the way, people." "I just got here." "Out of the way!" "You're here at 8:00 every morning?" "Excuse me." "Thank you." "Morning, Lieutenant." "Good morning, Sergeant." "What do you have?" "Well, the housekeeper found the body at 8:00 this morning, a few minutes after she arrived." "The victim's in the bedroom." "Her name is Marcy Edwards." "Upstairs?" "Upstairs." "Celebrity?" "Used to be." "Ex-rock and roll singer." "She was kind of famous for a while." "What've you got, George?" "Looks like the lady and a friend were having a party." "The way I figure, the lady changed her mind, the guy got persistent, and next thing, his fingers are on her throat." "End of party." "Oh, they're big." "The guy must have had big hands." "Okay, have the lab boys check these for prints." "They look too smudged for an ID." "Too smudged?" "Yeah, you could be right." "What's her name?" "Marcy Edwards?" "Yeah." "Did she sing a song, Closer, Closer, Your Lips to Mine?" "I don't know." ""Make love to me one more time"?" "I don't know." "Those are her albums on the wall." "I think that she was my nephew's favorite singer." "Mmm." "He used to play that song over and over again." "I think she's the one." "What am I bothering with this for now?" "Something's wrong with me, George." "Okay." "Any idea when this happened?" "My best guesstimate is yesterday afternoon." "Somewhere around 3:00 or 4:00." "Yesterday afternoon, somewhere around 3:00 or 4:00." "Uh, yesterday was Wednesday?" "GEORGE:" "Yeah." "They look good." "They don't come any better." "Both bottles." "Right." "What are you looking for, Lieutenant?" "The corks." "And that little metal thing that you find on champagne bottles." "No, the bottles were opened in the kitchen, sir." "How do you know that?" "Well, that's where we found the foil and the corks." "In the kitchen?" "In the kitchen." "Both corks?" "Both corks." "Hmm." "SERGEANT:" "What is it, Lieutenant?" "What's bothering you?" "I don't know why they opened both bottles in the kitchen." "One, I can understand." "They open a bottle, they fill their glasses, they make a toast, they grab the bottle and they take it to the bedroom." "But after they finished the first bottle, why did they both come back to the kitchen to open the second bottle?" "Who says they did?" "One of them comes back to the kitchen, opens the second bottle, takes it back to the bedroom..." "I don't think that's the way people do it, because this is a romantic situation and sex in the air." "And two people who are drinking champagne together, and they want to open a bottle together." "They want to share the pop, and the spritz." "That's what champagne is all about." "Pop and spritz." "Why else do you drink champagne if not for the pop and the spritz?" "Jerry, would you take a picture of these corks and the foil?" "Sure." "Excuse me." "Mmm-hmm." "What do you think a thing like this costs?" "Costs?" "I don't know." "Looks like a good one." "Four or five hundred." "Four, five hundred." "Wow, these things, they go high." "You want eight-by-tens, Lieutenant?" "That'll be fine, Jerry." "You ever hear of Dodi's Discount?" "No, I don't think so." "I got to check them." "I hear they got good prices." "You got a handkerchief?" "Uh, sure." "Here you go, Lieutenant." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "Have the lab check these." "But when they're through, get 'em back to me." "Okay." "Mind telling me what you expect the lab to find, Lieutenant?" "Oh, I don't know." "Maybe nothing." "Oh, Lieutenant, I found this "In case of emergency, notify" card in Marcy's purse." "I think it'd be better if you made this call." "Why me?" "I'm just a sergeant." "I figure someone higher than me should break the news to a guy like this." ""Hugh Creighton."" "The lawyer that never lost a murder case?" "That Hugh Creighton?" "He's the one." "The prosecution has proved beyond a reasonable doubt that the defendant cold-bloodedly planned and ruthlessly murdered his mother, plunging a butcher knife into her body," "(HUGH COUGHING) Not once, not twice, not three times or four times, not five times, not seven times, or nine times..." "I'll wait." "Sorry, Your Honor." "My apologies to the court, please." "And I apologize to the counselor there, too." "I hope I didn't break your rhythm." "I think you left off at nine times." "JUDGE:" "That's enough, Mr. Creighton." "Well, I just assumed he was going all the way up to 14." "I said enough." "Continue, Counselor." "Thank you, Your Honor." "(HUGH CLEARING THROAT)" "Don't let my celebrated colleague's theatrics distract you from the one inescapable fact of this case." "The fact that the defendant's fingerprints were found on this knife." "The knife he plunged into the woman who gave him life." "Not nine times or eleven times, but 14 times, into his own mother." "(SLURPS)" "The prosecution rests, Your Honor." "Mr. Creighton?" "(CLEARING THROAT) Thank you, Your Honor." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I'd like for you to take a look at this young man." "Look into his eyes." "Are those the eyes of a murderer?" "Look very closely, please." "You know, they say the eyes are the mirror of the soul." "Are you looking into the soul of a murderer?" "No." "Those are the eyes of a loving son." "A son who, when his father died, devoted his life to his mother." "A son who denied himself friendships and the pleasures of youth to be close to his mother, a very lonely woman whose only happiness in life" "was her son." "A son who attended to her every need." "A son who spared her the drudgeries of everyday life, who was her constant companion, who brightened her life with little gifts," "the most precious of which was his love for his mom." "Well, ladies and gentlemen, today, this young man's life is in your hands." "And the Lord's." "And I know that the Lord has looked into his soul," "(INAUDIBLE) And I hope that He will guide you today and your solemn deliberations." "If you listen to His voice, as I have, by the way, you will know..." "I'm sorry to interrupt you, Mr. Creighton, but I'm adjourning this court until tomorrow morning at 10:00." "Well, is there a reason..." "The reason for adjournment will become clear after you've talked to the gentleman over there." "Court adjourned until tomorrow morning at 10:00." "BAILIFF:" "All rise." "Excuse me, who the hell is that?" "I don't know." "What's going on?" "Excuse me." "I'm Lieutenant Columbo." "I'm from the police." "Yes?" "From Homicide." "Yes?" "Is there someplace private that we could go?" "Here." "Come in here." "Now, what's this all about, Columbus?" "Well, not Columbus, sir, Columbo." "Columbo, what the hell is this?" "Uh, it's about a Miss Marcy Edwards." "What about her?" "Uh, you were a good friend of hers, weren't you, sir?" "Will you please get to the point?" "A close friend?" "We live together, yeah." "Uh-huh." "Was that at 25903 Pacific Coast Highway?" "That's my beach house." "We live in Bel Air." "Uh-huh." "When was the last time that you saw Miss Edwards?" "Whoa, wait a minute." "No more questions." "Now, what's this all about?" "I'm sorry, sir, but Miss Edwards is dead." "What are you talking about?" "She was murdered." "(STUTTERING) Where?" "I mean, by whom?" "At the beach house." "We don't know who did it yet." "What's wrong?" "What happened?" "What is it?" "What's wrong?" "Are you a friend of Mr. Creighton's, ma'am?" "Yes, I'm his associate." "Trish, Marcy's..." "Marcy's been murdered." "Oh, my God, Hugh." "Oh, I'm so sorry." "When?" "I don't know, I don't know." "When did it happen?" "Yesterday, between 3:00 and 4:00 p.m." "Oh, Jesus." "Sir, I know that this is a bad time, but I'm gonna have to ask you to come and identify the body." "Oh, God." "That hasn't already been done?" "Uh, no, sir, not officially." "Well, I just pray to God it's not Marcy." "Oh, God." "That's Marcy." "Wait a minute." "I want to look at her." "Death by strangulation?" "She was strangled, but the cause of death was a broken neck." "(SIGHS)" "God." "Neck's broken." "Any signs of a struggle?" "No." "Nails are intact." "GEORGE:" "Uh-huh." "No violence, huh?" "Any signs of a sexual assault or..." "No." "Yeah." "Well..." "Mr. Creighton, your knowledge of forensic medicine is very impressive." "Lieutenant, I want to see the autopsy report." "Oh, sir, you don't want to see an autopsy report on a loved one." "That's precisely why I wanna see it." "I understand, sir, but it's not..." "No buts." "I want to see that report." "I'm sorry, sir, but it's regulation." "Lieutenant, you and I break regulations every day." "I wanna see the autopsy." "I wanna see everything." "This is not just another case." "This is somebody I care about." "You understand that?" "I'm sorry, sir." "Do you know who I am?" "Yes, sir." "And you still refuse?" "I can't." "We'll see about that." "(SIGHS)" "(KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "Come in." "Hey, Trish." "You wanted to talk to me?" "I've been thinking about Marcy." "Yeah." "So have I." "Hmm." "You knew, didn't you, Hugh?" "Hmm?" "You knew she was having an affair?" "Oh, no, no, no." "If I had, I could've maybe prevented what happened." "You're not telling me everything." "(SIGHS) What do you mean?" "You can tell me." "You knew, didn't you?" "Yeah." "And it hurt you, didn't it?" "Yes, it did." "Sure it did." "Did you kill her?" "What?" "You killed her, didn't you?" "What are you talking about?" "You killed her." "And you used me to help you." "Are you out of your mind?" "Ever since you borrowed my car and sent me on that research assignment," "I've been trying to figure out why." "Now I know why." "So, what are you going to do about it?" "Do?" "What can I do?" "If I go to the police, I can be charged as an accessory before the fact." "So, you're not going to do anything." "I didn't say that." "What I'm going to do is trust that you'll give me that partnership you've been promising me for the past three years." "Fine, fine, but that's next year." "No." "Start of business tomorrow morning." "Look, Trish, I mean, in deference to Marcy, don't you think we should wait till after the funeral, a couple of months?" "Not for the partnership." "I can wait six months for us to get married." "Married?" "It's for your own protection, Hugh." "As your wife, I can't be forced to testify against you." "It's the best insurance you could have." "I have insurance, you should have some, too." "(STUTTERING) What insurance do you have?" "Life insurance." "If I should fall out an office window, have a sudden heart attack, get bit by a rabid dog, an envelope like this one would turn up on all sorts of desks, including Lieutenant Columbo's." "Do we have a deal, partner?" "(SIGHS) Well, yeah." "Good." "(POLICE SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)" "RECEPTIONIST:" "The chief will see you now, Lieutenant." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "What have you got on the rock singer case?" "Well, it's a little early, Chief..." "I got a call from Creighton this morning." "He's an old friend of mine." "And an old friend of the mayor's." "You do know who Hugh Creighton is, don't you, Columbo?" "Yes, sir, I do." "And do you know he's one of the most famous criminal attorneys in America?" "Yes, sir." "And you know he's tried more murder cases than any lawyer in the country?" "Yes, sir." "And you know he's never lost a case." "Not one." "Yes, sir." "You know he has a legitimate interest in this particular case, don't you?" "I do, sir." "Yes." "Then, when he offered to help you solve it, why in the hell did you refuse his help?" "I didn't refuse his help..." "Good, good." "Glad to hear it." "Creighton's expecting you for dinner at 7:00 at the Darrow Club." "And be sure to bring all the case files." "Understand?" "Yes, sir." "Good." "Oh, Columbo, I'll give you a little tip." "The Darrow Club has the best steaks in town." "New Yorks." "An inch and a half thick." "New York steaks?" "New Yorks." "Well, that sounds good." "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "Ah, Lieutenant, how are you?" "Very well, sir." "Good, good." "Sit down, please." "Well, it's very good of you to come over." "Well, it was very nice of you to ask me, sir." "My pleasure." "Are you ready to order, Mr. Creighton?" "I..." "I think..." "Why don't you take a look there, Lieutenant?" "I think I'm ready, Carl." "I think I'm just gonna go with the soup today, Carl." "Why don't we make it chicken noodle?" "Very good, sir." "You're just having soup, sir?" "Yes, yeah." "I think so." "I haven't had much of an appetite these last few days." "But you go ahead." "Have..." "Well, I'm not too hungry myself." "So, let's see..." "What can I have here?" "Uh, how is that steak, that New York?" "That's the specialty of the house, sir." "We're famous for it." "Well, I'll have that." "Medium rare." "And some asparagus with hollandaise sauce and roast potatoes." "Yes." "Maybe, to start with, a shrimp cocktail." "And some kind of a salad." "Carl, why don't you bring him a Caesar?" "You like the Caesar salad?" "Caesar salad, I'll have that." "All right." "That sweet corn there, is that fresh?" "Yes, sir." "It's fresh." "Oh, I'll have a piece of corn." "Very good, sir." "So..." "I assume that is the report." "Oh, yes, sir." "There it is." "Thank you very much." "And that autopsy report..." "It's in there, sir." "Ah, good." "Good." "From this report, I think it's obvious what happened." "Marcy met somebody on the beach, invited him in for champagne and caviar." "After that second bottle of champagne, he made advances, she resisted, it got out of hand," "and he strangled her." "I just can't believe it." "Oh." "I still can't believe it." "Well, I don't think that she met him on the beach, sir." "What's your theory?" "Well, I don't have a theory yet, but it looks like she knew who killed her." "And she knew him very well." "Why do you say that?" "Well, because of the statements in the reports, sir, from the neighbors and all the guys playing volleyball on the beach." "It just seems that Miss Edwards was seeing the same man on a very regular basis." "Well, I just happen to find that very hard to believe." "Well, it's all in the report, sir." "There were three neighbors and any number of volleyball players." "And they all remembered seeing her car and a motorcycle in the driveway at the same time on several Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays." "Are you telling me that Marcy was having an affair with another man?" "Well, sir, it's certainly..." "There's nothing in this report that indicates she had sexual relations before she died." "No, sir, in the report..." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "That's a little tough to take, okay?" "That's a little tough to take." "I don't want to hear it." "Well, let's just drop it, sir." "Why don't we do that?" "There is something in the file there that's bothering me." "Maybe you can help me with this?" "Sure." "You'll notice that in the autopsy report, there was no alcohol in Mrs. Edwards' bloodstream." "Obviously, she didn't feel like drinking." "But we found two empty champagne bottles, and two empty glasses, sir." "Could that have been the disulfiram?" "Disulfiram?" "What..." "Well, it's there in the autopsy report." "They found traces of disulfiram in her bloodstream." "But that's a pill that people with a drinking problem take when they don't wanna drink." "So, you can see my problem..." "Well, I think I might be able to help you out with that puzzle." "This is only conjecture, mind you, but, you see, I, from time to time, have a little drinking problem myself and I happen to take a little disulfiram." "Marcy, on the other hand, was a vitamin nut." "Used to take 'em by the handful." "And it's just an off chance she took one of my pills by mistake." "Oh, I see, yeah." "Yeah, that could explain it." "What about this champagne bottle, the fingerprints here, did you find out whose they are?" "Well, we've sent them off to the FBI, sir, and if this person was ever in the service or any trouble with the law, we're gonna get him." "Well, I have to say, it is an excellent report." "Excellent." "Oh, thank you very much." "When you do arrest this man, please do everything by the book." "I would hate to see Marcy's murderer get off because of some stupid mistake." "And so would I, sir." "(DOORBELL RINGS)" "Yeah?" "Lieutenant Columbo, ma'am." "I'm from Homicide." "Yeah?" "Do you mind if I come in, look around?" "Ah, wipe your feet." "Yes, ma'am." "And I'll just leave the umbrella out here." "I should hope so." "All right." "There we are." "Hey, don't make a mess." "All right." "(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)" "(CORK POPS)" "What are you looking for?" "A cork, ma'am." "Like this one." "No cork." "No cork." "Could there be a cork in the garbage can outside?" "They're empty." "You're sure?" "The trash man came yesterday." "Could you have put something in the garbage can this morning?" "No." "Could I see?" "(SIGHING)" "Man!" "I'm glad I ain't married to you." "You don't trust nobody, do you?" "Well, it's not that, ma'am, it's a habit." "I like to see things with my own eyes." "That right." "See?" "COLUMBO:" "Was the gardener here Wednesday?" "The day Miss Edwards died?" "No." "He only comes on Tuesday afternoons and Friday mornings." "So, he was here today?" "And those are your footprints." "But when I first saw that herringbone pattern, somebody had raked some mish-mash over it." "But you said the gardener wasn't here that day." "Do you know his name?" "No." "It's, uh, Japanese." "And he comes real early." "Before me." "Hey!" "You, uh, satisfied these are empty or are you going to come back again?" "Uh, no, they're empty, ma'am." "I saw them." "Huh." "Well, don't mention it." "" Closer, Closer, Your Lips to Mine. " She's the one." "He's in here." "Police person looking for you." "Oh, Lieutenant!" "We got a make on those fingerprints." "He's been in trouble with women before." "Do you have an address on him?" "Uh, not yet." "We got an APB out." "Good." "Listen, see if you can find Miss Edwards' gardener." "Comes Tuesdays and Fridays." "Maybe he works for somebody else in the neighborhood." "Sir!" "There must be dozens of gardeners in Malibu." "Anything special about this one?" "He's Japanese." "(MOUTHING)" "The Matisse with the peach background on this wall..." "Matisse." "Peach." "The Picasso on that wall." "Picasso..." "Yes, ma'am, you did mention that." "Uh, what about this beautiful bronze Indian?" "Gone." "Gone?" "Gone as a matter of fact." "Gone." "All Indians, all buffaloes, all cowboys in this room..." "Indians, buffaloes, cowboys and any other room, including Mr. Creighton's bathroom, bye-bye." "Bye-bye, all cowboys and Indians." "Which reminds me, where are the plans to my bathroom?" "Uh, Philip..." "PHILIP:" "I have the floor plans out here." "Good, good, good, good, good." "Uh, Nigel..." "Oh!" "Is this beautiful!" "How much is it?" "I'm not sure." "What..." "Never mind, I want it." "I want it." "Let's make drapes with this fabric for this room." "And, Nigel, the same decor in here as in my office." "Oh, hi, Lieutenant." "Congratulations!" "Thank you." "You know, I saw the sign, Creighton and Fairbanks," "I assumed it was you." "It is me and it's very exciting." "Now, where was I?" "The bathroom." "We're going to have to knock down a wall." "A wall?" "And for what reason, may I ask, ma'am?" "The Jacuzzi." "Jacuzzi?" "Yeah, Mr. Creighton loves a Jacuzzi." "But isn't this your bathroom, ma'am?" "He'll have to wait." "Mr. Creighton loves to wait." "(GIGGLING)" "COLUMBO:" "Uh, ma'am, do you think I could see Mr. Creighton?" "Sure." "Judy, ring Hugh, tell him the lieutenant is here." "Nigel, lots of fresh flowers and plants." "Lieutenant Columbo to see you, Mr. Creighton." "Uh, yeah, send him in, please." "HUGH:" "Hi, how are you, Lieutenant?" "Uh, fine, sir." "What can I do for you today?" "Uh, well, sir, I thought you'd like to know." "We matched up those fingerprints with the suspect." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, sir." "Excellent." "Yeah." "Excellent." "Is that..." "It is, isn't it?" "HUGH:" "What?" "Oh, that's champagne." "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Oh, boy, that looks like a fine collection for a fellow who doesn't drink much anymore." "You're a wine connoisseur, are you?" "Well, I wouldn't say that, sir." "But these are all vintage wines." "Do you mind if I look?" "Oh, no, go right ahead." "Oh, yeah, these are six years old." "That is 1985..." "Lieutenant, uh..." "Have you picked him up yet, this, uh, Neddy Malcolm?" "No, sir, but we will." "Did Miss Edwards know anybody by that name?" "Yeah, I was just thinking." "Ned Malcolm, that sounds..." "(SIGHING)" "(SOFTLY) Neddy Malcolm." "Lieutenant, wait a minute." "This character used to play the drums." "This was Marcy's drummer." "He was..." "But I don't think she's seen him for years." "Well, those are Malcolm's fingerprints, sir." "There's no question about that..." "Well, I mean, Lieutenant, I mean, if this is who I think it is, this is one bad apple." "He's done it all." "I mean everything, booze, dope, women..." "Well, he's got five assaults involving the women." "Well, yeah." "He got an attempted rape here, three years ago." "That charge was dropped." "And dropped the damn charges." "Well, not this time." "No, sir." "Not this time." "No, sir." "No." "I'll tell you what, Lieutenant." "I'm going to give you my card." "This has got my home, my service, and the car, everything on there." "As soon as you hear anything at all, will you call me?" "Yes, sir." "I will, sir." "Will you do that?" "Now, can I keep this?" "Oh, that's yours, sir." "You keep that." "Yeah, well, this is excellent." "Really." "Oh, sir, I know that this is none of my business, but your new partner, she doesn't plan to redo this office, too, does she?" "'Cause I like it." "I like it just..." "Just the way it is." "(SIGHING) I hear you." "Good day, sir." "Thanks, Lieutenant." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "(SIGHING)" "(DOOR OPENING)" "Uh, sir, uh..." "Take a minute." "Out at your beach house, there by the kitchen, you have a radio cassette player?" "Yeah." "Would you ever consider selling that to someone?" "No." "Great office, sir." "He was seen going into Apartment 21." "D. Glinski." "(DOORBELL BUZZING)" "Who is it?" "Police!" "Okay, just a minute." "(KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "Excuse me, sir." "Look, Mom!" "(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)" "Here you go, Sam." "Thank you." "Take it easy." "What will it be, sport?" "I'm looking for Darlene Glinski." "Why?" "You don't want to know." "What, are you a cop or something?" "Something." "That's Darlene, there." "That's Darlene?" "That's Darlene." "You wanna talk to her, just go through the door over there and down the stairs." "Watch your step, it's dark down there." "Another grasshopper, Mike." "Sure." "Hi!" "Hi." "Darlene Glinski?" "Yeah?" "How you doing?" "(LAUGHING) What do you want, mister?" "I'm lookin' for Neddy Malcolm." "Oh, I don't know any Neddy Malcolm." "Oh, okay." "Well, just in case you run into him, tell him that a friend of" "Johnny Fewhairs is lookin' for him, wants to give him the money that Johnny owes him." "Oh, tell him I'll be back in town around the Super Bowl." "I'll look him up then." "Uh, wait." "You might find Neddy at the LA Rock Box." "At the LA Rock Box?" "Yeah." "Ask for Little Richard." "Ask for Little Richard." "(PEOPLE HOOTING)" "(SINGING ROCK AND ROLL SONG)" "(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)" "Hey, Rich!" "Hey, you got a minute?" "Who are you?" "Uh, I'm looking for Neddy." "I'm supposed to meet him here." "Haven't seen him in 10, 12 weeks." "But I'll put the word out." "You know, Ned is a good drummer, when he's behaving himself, if you know what I mean." "I do, yeah." "What do you want with him?" "I've got some money for him." "Money?" "Yeah, it ain't from me." "It's from the fella I work for, Johnny Fewhairs." "No, kidding?" "Yeah." "First time I ever heard of anyone wanting to give Neddy some money of their own free will." "Well, Johnny, you know, Mr. Fewhairs, he's a man of his word." "Sounds like he's a man of many, many words to me." "Too many." "(KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "NEDDY:" "Rich!" "Is that you?" "Yeah?" "Yeah, who's that?" "It's me." "Oh!" "Hey, man!" "Where you been?" "You know I've been trying to reach you." "You don't call back or nothin'." "How you doin'?" "I'm doing good." "I really miss you." "I miss you, man." "Hi!" "Hi!" "I got to get me a new drummer." "The dude I got can't even keep a beat." "Do you want to go to Chicago with us?" "Chicago?" "Yeah." "When?" "Yeah." "Tomorrow night." "You got a deal." "Great." "This man got money for you." "He got it from Johnny Fewhairs." "Is he really bald?" "For me?" "He must be a bald-headed man with a name like that." "You got some money for me?" "RICHARD:" "Johnny Fewhairs?" "I'm afraid not, son." "Is that his nickname?" "Oh, no." "I don't have any cuffs with me." "Am I going to need them?" "RICHARD:" "Hey!" "What's happening here?" "No, no, no, no." "Oh, man." "I didn't kill her." "You claim you love this woman?" "Yeah, we were in love." "Whatever that means." "I don't think you know what love is." "If you were so much in love, how come you only saw her Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?" "Marcy had a good thing going with Creighton." "Money, cars, jewels, whatever she wanted." "She didn't want to blow it until she'd worked out the financial arrangements with him." "Oh, she wanted money from him?" "They've been going together five years and he was going to dump her." "Did Creighton know about you two?" "I don't know." "(SCOFFS) But if he'd wanted to know, it wouldn't have been hard for him to find out." "Did you kill her?" "I don't know what happened, Lieutenant." "I blacked out." "When I came to, Marcy was dead." "That's all I know." "(KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "Yeah?" "Sam Marlowe?" "I charge $150 an hour." "150?" "750 minimum for domestic cases." "Uh-huh." "Fill that out." "You need a pen?" "I'm afraid you have it wrong, sir." "I'm not having any trouble with my wife." "Heaven forbid." "Well, then what do you want, Mister, uh..." "Columbo." "Lieutenant Columbo." "LAPD." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah!" "I knew I'd seen you somewhere before." "You're handling that, uh, rock singer's murder, aren't you?" "I saw you on TV." "So, uh, why are you knocking on Sam Marlowe's door?" "I understand that you're Mr. Hugh Creighton's private investigator?" "Handle all his cases, do you?" "Lieutenant, you know I can't reveal clients' names." "Uh-huh." "Yeah, well, I can understand that." "Here's my problem." "I'm working on a homicide case, and I would appreciate all the help I could get." "Yeah." "Sorry, Lieutenant." "Professional ethics." "Ethics are important." "No question about that." "Yeah, they sure are." "Mmm-hmm." "SAM:" "Lieutenant, that's private." "Uh-huh." "How come all those Mondays, Wednesdays and Friday afternoons are blank?" "Am I going to have to take this camera down to the lab to see if this white paint on this lens" "is the same as the white paint on the air duct in Ms. Edwards' bedroom?" "Or are you going to answer my questions?" "Oh, Lieutenant, not now, I'm in a hurry." "Sorry." "Yeah, I've got an appointment." "No, no problem, sir." "I just dropped by to tell you that we found Neddy Malcolm." "Great!" "That's great!" "(STAMMERING) You read him his rights before, uh..." "Oh, yes, sir." "Oh, yeah, we did that." "And?" "And, what, sir?" "(LAUGHS) Well, don't be naïve." "Did he confess?" "Uh, no, sir." "No, he didn't." "Frankly, sir, I don't think he did it." "Oh, Lieutenant." "Why don't you come..." "Can you come with me?" "Come on, get in!" "Hurry up." "Come in." "Those are Malcolm's fingerprints, right?" "(STUTTERING) Yes, sir." "Well, that puts him at the scene of the crime, right, Lieutenant?" "Oh, well, he admits that he was there, sir." "He was there but he didn't do it?" "Well, he passed out, you see." "He had two, three glasses of champagne, and he blacked out." "(TIRES SCREECHING) When he came to, there she was." "He panicked and ran." "And you believe him?" "Watch the cars!" "You believe him?" "I think so." "I don't think he did it." "You think you believe him?" "He admits he was there." "He's had trouble in the past with women and you don't think he did it?" "I don't think he did it." "COLUMBO:" "Should I wait here?" "HUGH:" "No, no, come with me." "It'll take about five minutes to send my client down." "Hi, Trish, how are you?" "You know the lieutenant, right?" "Oh!" "I didn't realize you were involved in this case, too, Lieutenant." "Oh, no, ma'am, uh, the other case." "Now, they've picked up Neddy Malcolm, did you hear that?" "But the lieutenant here thinks they've got the wrong man, right?" "Why's that?" "Well, the problem is, those finger marks on his neck, they were very big." "I saw them." "And it turns out the guy was wearing gloves." "Yeah?" "Big work gloves." "Work gloves?" "Yeah." "Yeah?" "Yeah, and the marks on the neck were glove marks." "But the marks on the champagne bottle were his fingerprints." "So, it don't add up." "Why would a fellow be so careful to put on gloves when he strangled the victim, and then he's going to leave his fingerprints all over the champagne bottles." "Oh, Lieutenant, please, you know better than that." "This place is full of people who make stupid mistakes like that." "It's just a stupid mistake." "Yeah, yeah, that could happen." "Uh, there's something else that's been bothering me, sir." "What's that?" "I don't know why you told me that you didn't know that Ms. Edwards was seeing Neddy Malcolm when you knew it all the time." "Sam Marlowe, your private investigator." "He had a camera up there in the beach house." "Why did you tell me you didn't know?" "Well, it's, uh..." "I mean, you're right, I should have." "It's just..." "It wasn't easy to admit that she was having an affair with the likes of that Neddy Malcolm." "And I don't know." "It's just tough." "I see." "Hey, Billy, how you doing?" "You are in my seat." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Lieutenant, good to see you." "Thanks for coming by." "I won't take up any more of your time." "Okay, bye-bye." "Mmm-hmm." "Bye." "Ma'am." "TRISH:" "Bye." "(PEOPLE CHATTERING)" "Lieutenant." "I've got good news and bad news." "Which do you want first?" "Oh, give me the bad news first." "Well, I checked with all the neighbors, and no one saw Creighton or his car anywhere near the beach house the day she was killed." "What's the good news?" "I found the gardener." "(SOFTLY) A thank you would be nice." "COLUMBO:" "Thank you!" "Uh-uh." "No, no, no, no, no." "Please, please, no touch." "Uh, I'm from the police." "LAPD." "Is your name Andy Miaki?" "Ando Miaki." "Ando Miaki?" "Ando." "Gardener?" "Gardener." "Mrs. Creighton gardener?" "Creighton gardener." "And you work for her on Wednesday..." "Mrs. Creighton, Tuesdays, Fridays." "You're sure." "Tuesdays, Fridays." "See, Tuesdays, Fridays, Mrs. Creighton." "Uh-huh." "No Wednesday?" "Wednesday work Rockingham." "That was day truck move." "Truck move?" "Your truck moved?" "Move two blocks to long street of trees that rains berries." "Street that rains berries?" "Oh!" "Your truck was on Rockingham, and it moved two blocks to a street that has these berries." "Oh, where's that street?" "La Mesa?" "Okay, excuse me." "I'm gonna have to check your truck for fingerprints." "Gonna check your truck." "Fingerprints." "Fingerprints." "Yeah, yeah, that's right." "That's right." "All right." "(LAUGHING)" "So, what can I do for you today, Lieutenant?" "Uh, well, sir, what I want to do is cut right to the heart of this thing." "Uh, ooh!" "Do you mind, sir?" "No, not at all." "Uh, you know, Neddy blacked out, and if it wasn't from the champagne, it had to be from something." "And I'm saying it was from a knockout drug." "Oh, but there was nothing in the lab report that said there was a knockout drug in the bottles or the glasses, right?" "Well, all they had to do was empty the bottle and the glasses and wash them out." "I mean, that's simple, sir." "No, but then there would not have been champagne in the bottles or glasses, and the fact is, there was." "Well, that's because the perpetrator, he took a second bottle of champagne, sir, and he poured it into the first bottle and the glass." "I mean, the man's not a dope." "You see, for me, sir, the real question is, how does someone administer a knockout drug, Mr. Creighton?" "I don't have the slightest idea." "Well, I'm going to say he used a syringe, and he injected it through the cork into the champagne bottle." "Uh..." "Is that possible?" "Oh, yeah, they can do that, sir." "Yeah?" "But then, you have to get rid of the cork because of the needle mark, which he did." "HUGH:" "Hmm." "Now, these are the two bottles that we found at the scene of the crime." "Are you with me, sir?" "(STUTTERING) Well, I guess." "I think so." "Well, sir, look at the label." "And just above the name "Champ Du Bois," there's one little star." "Right?" "Yes, one star." "Both bottles." "Mmm-hmm." "And I checked the liquor store where Ms. Edwards bought all her alcohol." "And that's the only kind of champagne she ever bought." "Champ Du Bois." "One star." "Which is a lot cheaper than the vintage champagne." "The two-star." "Is that right, sir?" "Well, it's a lot cheaper, yeah." "Which brings me to the corks." "The corks." "Yes, sir." "They use one star for the cheap one, and two stars for the good stuff." "I'll bet you never noticed that, did you, sir?" "Hmm." "Well, here, let me show you." "This is 1985." "That was a good year." "This cost me $175." "I'm well aware of that." "I just hope the captain will okay it on my expense account." "(CORK POPPING)" "(CHAMPAGNE FIZZING)" "You see that?" "Two stars." "Yup." "And two stars on the label." "You got it." "Which is just like, if I remember correctly, uh..." "I think I do." "Oh, I've looked at that very closely." "All the labels on your bottles, two stars." "(EXHALING FORCEFULLY)" "(STUTTERING) Well, now, are you implying that that bottle came from my stock?" "Well, sir, I don't think I could rule that out." "You're also implying that maybe I..." "Maybe I had something to do with it?" "Uh, yes, sir, I think that's a real possibility." "Mmm-hmm." "Well, I'll tell you what, Lieutenant." "Why don't..." "Why don't you take your corks and get the hell out of here?" "Ooh!" "You've done it now." "What did I do?" "I don't know." "All I know is that I got a call from the DA." "No deputies." "The DA himself called." "He told me to get up to his office and bring that bleeping bleeping cop with me." "Meaning you." "Oh, Everett." "I've studied the case file." "He's got enough to indict." "He's got fingerprints that place the suspect at the scene of the crime at the time of the murder." "A suspect..." "A suspect previously charged with sex crimes." "A suspect who admits that he was there, but he claims he doesn't remember what happened." "He might've killed her, he might not have." "Does the lieutenant here believe he did it?" "No." "He thinks I did it." "Why?" "Because I had a private investigator" "confirm that the woman that I loved was having an affair with another man and I chose not to reveal the sordid details of that investigation to the police." "What else have you..." "Oh, corks." "Champagne corks." "Right?" "Corks with one star, two stars." "He's got a cork from a bottle of champagne that he paid $175 for, with taxpayer's money." "And why did he do that?" "Because he saw a similar bottle in my wine vault." "Now, you want to tell that to a jury, go ahead." "Go ahead and indict me." "Let's just see what happens when my colleague from Idaho here, and my partner get the lieutenant on the stand with his corks and his $175 bottle of champagne." "All right, Hugh, you got anything else?" "Lieutenant?" "Anything at all?" "Just little things." "A lot of little things." "Nothing that's going to stand up in court." "But I know he did it." "I know he killed that girl." "See, that's..." "Now you know what kind of lunatic I'm dealing with here." "I mean, he's got lots of little things, but he knows that I killed Marcy?" "He knows that?" "I'd be very happy, sir, if you could prove that I was wrong." "Well, just how could I do that, Lieutenant?" "By just telling me where you were when Ms. Edwards was killed." "Whoa, now, Mr. Creighton's not here to answer any questions, Lieutenant." "Well, that's right." "But maybe we can clear this thing up." "No, no, no, correct me if I'm wrong, but the time of death was Wednesday between 3:00 and 4:00, is that correct, Lieutenant?" "That's correct, sir." "Well, I was in my car." "In your car?" "Yeah." "Alone?" "Alone." "Nobody was with you?" "Nobody with me." "And where were you?" "I was, uh, driving back to my office." "I'd been at the Huntington Museum." "Well, that's in Pasadena, isn't it?" "That's right, Lieutenant." "Pasadena is 50 miles from the beach, Lieutenant." "Uh, yes, ma'am." "While you were driving, did you see anybody that could identify you?" "While I was driving?" "No." "No, Lieutenant, I didn't." "Yes." "Did you stop in a gasoline station or anything like that?" "No." "Did you get a cup of coffee?" "No." "Did you make or receive any telephone calls from your car phone?" "If he did, sir, the phone company would have a record." "Would have a record of it." "No calls, Hugh?" "No phone calls." "None at all?" "None." "Then you have no alibi." "No, Everett." "No, I have no alibi." "So, what are you going to do?" "You got to choose now, don't you?" "Let me tell you something." "That woman meant everything to me." "And I would hate to see her name smeared across front pages." "And that's up to you." "The ball's in your court." "(SIGHS)" "Well, let me think about it, Hugh." "I mean, we've got these corks, you don't have an alibi..." "No, no, no, let me take that back, okay?" "Don't think about it." "I'll just see you in court." "It will be fun." "Hugh!" "Wait a minute, wait a minute, just a minute." "What time did you say Marcy was killed?" "COLUMBO:" "Between 3:00 and 4:00, ma'am." "And that's what he said." "Between 3:00 and 4:00, he was in Pasadena." "There's no question about it." "This proves it." "Just look at it." "Oops!" "EVERETT:" "You want to let us in on it, Hugh?" "Yes, I think I do." "Here, why don't you take that over there to him?" "It's a speeding ticket he got in Pasadena." "Which proves that he was a long way from the beach house at 3:33 p.m. On Wednesday." "He got a speeding ticket around about the time that Ms. Edwards was killed, and you waited until now to bring it out?" "I just got it in the mail this morning." "It's a good thing I remembered." "In the mail?" "It's a speeding ticket..." "No, no." "It's not the kind of ticket you get when a policeman stops you and gives it to you." "It's a new gadget." "I mean, there's a picture here." "They take it while you're speeding and they send it to you in the mail." "HUGH:" "Not a very good picture of me, is it, Lieutenant?" "But yet there, there I am caught in a..." "Pasadena speed trap." "Well, I think it's precisely at the hour you were hoping I was at the beach, right?" "Huh." "Any more..." "Any more questions?" "No." "No, sir." "No more questions." "(CHUCKLES)" "COLUMBO:" "I guess you win again." "I guess I do, Lieutenant." "Oh, but, you know, there's one thing that bothers me." "That ticket, now, I don't see any way of beating that." "This may be the first case I ever lost in my life." "Well..." "Oh, bye, Everett." "(DOOR CLOSING)" "(LOUD CHATTERING)" "Hey, there's a line here." "What's the matter with you?" "(PEOPLE SHOUTING)" "COLUMBO:" "Officer!" "Officer!" "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm sorry, I'm with the force." "Yeah, what force?" "No, seriously." "I'm serious." "I'm with the police force." "WOMAN:" "Oh, yeah, sure." "MAN:" "Ridiculous." "Homicide." "What can I do for you, Lieutenant?" "I wanted to ask you about this speeding ticket." "Lieutenant, as much as I'd like to help, this is a radar ticket." "There's nothing that can be done about it." "One hundred percent conviction rate." "Just pay the fine." "This is not my ticket." "Uh, what I want to know, is that a real ticket?" "Why would anybody fake a $150 speeding ticket?" "Well, but I wanna be sure that this is not a counterfeit ticket." "Looks real to me." "You wanna be sure, see the company that operates the system." "They've got the film from the automatic cameras." "MAN:" "What's the number on that ticket, Lieutenant?" "0-5-2-7-9-1" "C-D-2-2-4-5." "Oh, yeah." "Date, time and speed." "See, that looks real, doesn't it?" "But this is on a computer." "Do you have the film from the camera that this picture was taken from?" "Oh, yeah." "We keep all the negatives down in the vault." "Now, this picture is taken directly from the film." "Can you blow this picture up?" "Just the head." "A big head." "Sure." "Yeah, that's him." "All right, now, this ticket is one ticket on the roll of film with a bunch of other tickets." "Could the roll of film be tampered with?" "Could you add a ticket?" "Or, could you substitute one ticket for another?" "Not so that we wouldn't be able to tell." "See, each frame is numbered consecutively." "Let me show you." "Now, this is your ticket." "2245." "COLUMBO:" "Right." "This is 2244." "44." "This is your ticket again. 2245." "Right." "And this is 2246." "Right." "They're consecutive." "There's just no way that anyone could have tampered with this film." "All right." "Can you make a blow-up of some of the drivers that got a ticket about the same time as Mr. Crichton?" "Sure." "There they are, Lieutenant." "The radar gun and the camera are up there." "Any car that exceeds the speed limit, that triggers the system." "And smile, you're on Candid Camera." "And it's all automatic." "Yup." "I'll get it ready." "Okay." "You know, all the years I had this car, this is the first time I ever had the top down." "Okay, go!" "(ENGINE SPUTTERING)" "(GEAR SHIFTING)" "(CAMERA CLICKING)" "Okay." "All right, you can slow down now." "(STAMMERING) Just slow it down." "Okay?" "He's here." "His car just pulled up." "Well, relax, honey, we've got nothing to worry about." "(DOORBELL RINGING)" "This better be important, Lieutenant." "We're on our way out." "Ah, well, it is important." "What is it?" "Uh, well, there's something I wanna show you." "Can I come in?" "He says it's important." "He wants to come in." "HUGH:" "Well, tell him..." "Well, tell him to come in." "You're gonna have to excuse us, Lieutenant, we're running a little late here." "COLUMBO:" "I appreciate that, sir." "You really threw me with that speeding ticket." "I couldn't figure out how you could be in two places at the same time." "What..." "Well, I thought you said this was important." "Well, where you were the night of the murder, sir," "I think that's important." "Lieutenant, we're gonna plough that field again?" "Come on." "I was in Pasadena getting a speeding ticket, remember?" "I know, sir." "I know it looks that way." "And the ticket does have the time and the date on it." "But, you see, I got these photos, and I looked at these very..." "Ma'am, would you like to see these pictures?" "Just take a minute." "Do you see anything unusual in these pictures?" "No. (CHUCKLING) No?" "You don't see anything?" "No." "That's what I just said." "No." "Getting my jacket, Hugh." "We're late." "Okay, honey." "Sir, would you be interested in looking at these pictures?" "I don't know, Lieutenant." "What are they?" "Well, this one is a blow-up of your picture on your speeding ticket." "Yeah." "And this one is a blow-up of another driver in a convertible taken four minutes before your ticket." "Mmm-hmm." "Mmm-hmm." "Do you notice the shadow under her nose, sir?" "Yeah." "But there's no shadow under your nose, Mr. Creighton." "None." "So?" "If you'll just look at this other photograph." "This one is of me, and this was taken today at the exact same place and the same time." "And you'll notice the same shadow under my nose." "But there's no shadow under your nose, Mr. Creighton." "None." "Proving what?" "Proving that that is not you in that picture." "That's someone else wearing a mask." "Someone?" "Someone like who?" "Maybe your new partner." "Oh, now we're getting ridiculous, aren't we?" "I mean, where would I get a mask of myself?" "And even if I did, there would still be a shadow under the nose." "Right?" "I think I can explain that, sir." "Would you mind coming with me?" "Sir, I think you better come with me." "Appreciate you coming out, sir, it makes it easier to explain." "Just take a minute." "I'm going to get something from the car." "Oh!" "Got it right here." "Had it in my pocket." "Forgotten." "You see, sir?" "There's no shadow." "That's just a photograph." "That's just a flat, cut-out photograph." "Just like the one you had, sir." "And that's why there's no shadow." "HUGH:" "Well, that's all very interesting." "But you still haven't placed me at the beach house." "Well, the gardener's truck is going to do that, sir." "What gardener's truck?" "The gardener's truck that you drove to the beach house and back." "You see, the glove marks on Miss Edwards' neck, they match the glove marks on the seat adjustment lever on the truck." "This Miss Fairbanks' car?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I thought it was." "Oh, I got a search warrant here to search this windshield wiper well." "You know, Mr. Creighton, there's no way you could have known this, but there's only one place in all West Los Angeles that these berries could have come from at this time of the year." "And that's on La Mesa, the street of trees that rains berries, where you parked this car when you stole the gardener's truck." "You're under arrest, sir." "Suspicion of murder." "Thank you, Sergeant." "Oh, I almost forgot." "Gotta read you your rights 'cause I wanna make sure we don't make any mistake." "You have the right to remain silent." "You know, anything that you say, they can hold that against you." "You have the right to retain a lawyer." "You have the right..." "What the hell is that?" "(ROCK SONG PLAYING)" "(COLUMBO SINGING ALONG)"