"Hi." "I'm checking out. 14322." " Mr Schaffer?" " That's me." "I have your bill right here." " How was your luck last night?" " I didn't gamble." "I was here for a friend's bachelor party." "I guess he's the gambler." "What's this $110?" " Those are your in-room movies." " I didn't watch any movies." "Let's see." " "Afro Whores" - "Afro Whores"?" "You watched it...eleven times." "No, wait..." ""Afro Whores" 2:30, "Afro Whores" 4:00, "Afro Whores" 5:30." "In the morning, you watched "The Grinch" for ten minutes, then switched back to "Afro Whores"." "I didn't watch it." "I was at a bachelor party." "Ask any of the people there." " You have to take that off my record." " It's not a record, sir." "Fine." "How many times did you watch it?" " None." "I didn't watch it." " Are you sure?" ""sizzling three-way action featuring two sexy soul sisters"?" "I don't need to know what it's about." "I did not watch it!" "I didn't." "Miss?" "Can I have another one of these, please?" "Sorry." "I thought you were a woman." "I am a woman." " You look kind of familiar." " Yeah, you do." "I get that all the time." "I guess I have one of those faces." "Our "Loser of the Week" is a no-brainer." "Owen TempIeton made the biggest bonehead call in football history." "It happened last Sunday at dallas." "They were headed toward overtime, about to toss the coin to see who would kick off." " dallas, call it in the air!" " tails." " That's heads." " It was tails!" " No, no, it's..." " That was tails!" "Hang on!" "It's a..." "Now, what did I say?" "OK, little brother, just be cool." "Just be cool." "This is it." "See that glass?" "walk across the lobby, slip on the glass and let gravity do the rest." "I may break my neck." "You could break your neck." "It's a risk I'm willing to take." "Why don't you do it?" "Because one of us needs to be the victim and one of us the witness." "What kind of witness would you make?" "I'm your brother and don't know what you're saying." "How's your tongue?" "How does it look?" "It looks good." "It looks much better." "Here we go." "We're on "Candid Camera", so make it look good." "I'm a lawyer, gloria AIIred." " What happened?" " She slipped on that glass." "Those arrogant jerks!" "They're going to pay for this." "How's your neck?" "I've never seen such negligence." " She's an angel." " What a cute little face!" " She's absolutely beautiful!" " She has your eyes." "It's the only picture I have of her." "I'm always looking at it." " You haven't seen her for 27 years?" " No, not till today." " She caught you out of the blue?" " No, I found her." "I hired a detective, spent all my money and now we're going to meet." "Vera Baker." "My baby!" "Excuse me." "I have to take this." "This is MerriII." "That's unacceptable!" "If we don't ship by Tuesday, we won't be in the stores by Mother's Day." "Don't give me any excuses!" "Do it!" "Shut up and get it done!" "Honey, you broke your phone." "It's OK." "I carry extras." "Why don't we sit down?" "You probably have a thousand questions for me." "I was young." "I didn't tell anybody I was pregnant." "I felt I couId handle it at the time." "Do you think you could pull yourselves together and bring us a drink?" " Sure." " What would you Iike?" " Mimosa." " Mimosa." "They both want a Mimosa." "So...you sell cosmetics?" "Yeah, I have my own company." "We're going public." "And you're not married?" " Lucy Ann said you wouldn't." " Who?" "Lucy Ann, my psychic." "She told me to look for you." " She said you needed me." " She did?" "She said you were lonely, worried about money and had trouble sleeping." "Who the hell isn't?" "I told you we didn't need a bell man." "congratulations, Randy." "You've avoided another tip." "Those nickels and dimes add up, beverly." " I pull this bed!" " No fair!" "You picked last night." " Go to hell, Jason." " Language, please." "Bev, his and her bathrobes." " Look at that view." " Yeah, nice view." "Honey, why don't you unpack?" "I'm going to go look around." "Wait." " You're not going to the casino?" " Of course not." "I just drove from the Grand Canyon." "I've got to stretch my legs." "You swore to me!" "We're here to see David copperfield." " No gambling!" " I'm just looking around." "In fact, I'm going to go to the gift shop." "I'II see you guys later." "That's got to hurt." "Honey!" "Kids need you." "Nick." "Nicky!" "You're not leaving?" " I'm in court on Tuesday." " No, you're not." "I work for people who are in court on Tuesday." " You can't leave, Nick." " I've had two hours' sleep." "Steve Cunningham just got another stripper." "She's incredible!" " I've got to get back." " No, you don't." "You're scared." "Scared it's going to get out of control and will come back to haunt you." " I'm not having this conversation." " You didn't even gamble." "That's no way to live." "That ain't even living - it's hiding." "I'm not hiding from anything." "Then prove it, Nick." "Do something, break one rule." "Here, look." "A paper." "Take it." "Take it." "Come on, Nick." "I have a plane to catch." "I'II see you in Chicago." "I won!" "Look at all that money coming down!" "Look, look, look!" ""You're a winner." "See Guest Services."" "A dollar?" "Come on, baby!" "We won!" " We won one." " What's this?" "This isn't money." "That's the prize?" "A free buffet?" "actually, it's not a buffet." "It's a special reception at 10 o'cIock in the conference room where "a spectacular, once-in-a-Iifetime opportunity awaits you"." "That's all I know." " What do you think?" " It's some kind of scam." "Good, a scam!" "We'II do it." "I'II need to see some ID then." "There!" "I gamble." "family vacation?" "These are the moments you've got to savour." "exactly." "Excuse me, do you know what's going on?" " Free grub, that's what's going on." " This room is fabulous." " Does anybody know why we're here?" " Beats me." "My God!" "You should sue somebody." " I did it myself." " What?" "He did it himself." "Sent away for a kit." "I knew I recognised you." "You're the referee, the bonehead." "It's just the media blowing it out of proportion." "My hairdresser's husband lost $800 because of you." "Everybody thinks we flip quarters." " It's really a commemorative coin." " smile!" "Am I too late?" "Look, I won a coin." "A gold coin." "Isn't this wonderful?" "Look at this room." "What a beautiful room!" " Have you seen this room?" " Yes." "We're in it." "I am Enrico PoIIini." "I know what you are thinking." " Enrico is a girl's name." " No, I wasn't." " No pun intended." " What pun is that?" "Food!" "Look at all this food." "What a beautiful party!" "LittIecock doggies." " They're called cocktail weenies." " Weenies." "I'm so sorry." "My english is not so good, but I'm learning." "That's it!" "Vera, come on." "We're out of here." "Thank you all for coming." "I'm donald SincIair." "I own this hotel." "We don't have much time." "There's a meteor the size of North carolina heading straight for Earth." "The impact is going to kill everything and everyone on this planet." "I built a bunker in the basement strong enough to withstand the blast." "There's room for eight people." "The seven of you, plus me." "When this is over, we will repopulate and reciviIise the planet." "I couldn't resist!" "I'm sorry." " A joke." "He made a joke." " Do sit down." "MerriII, you and your mother can sit over here." " How do you know she's my mother?" " There are no secrets any more." "That's not quite true." "There is one last secret." "And it involves all of you." "I'm getting goose pimples." "Mr Schaffer!" "Curiosity got the better of you." " Come and sit down." " I'm fine, thanks." "You haven't missed anything." "We were just cutting to the chase." "You'II laugh later." "As you know, the odds against winning a jackpot downstairs or hitting the State lottery are astronomical." "millions to one." "But today you have the chance of playing a game where the odds of winning are one in six." "One in six!" "That's one throw of the dice." "This is my attorney, Mr Grisham, who tragically was born without a personality." "Anyone wishing to participate in our experiment should sign this waiver absolving the casino from any responsibility for damages." "Who do you Iike, CIaud?" "The young woman in the black coat." "She looks desperate." "But she has her mother with her." "That could slow her down." "Perhaps." "563 miles from here is a little town called silver City, New Mexico." " gold rush." " They struck gold there in 1860." "The second largest gold rush in American history." "Very good, Nick." "I think Nick should be our captain." "In downtown silver City there's a train station." "As you go in the front door, there are some lockers on the right." "Mr Grisham, do you have the keys?" "Six identical keys." "They all open the same locker:" "Iocker 001." "Inside the locker is a red duffel bag." "Inside the bag is two million dollars." "In cash." "Makes a pile about so big." "First one there keeps it all." "I've put transmitting devices in your key rings so I can keep track of you." "And that's it." "Go!" " You can't pick people at random!" " I can do anything I Iike, Owen." "I'm eccentric." " Go!" " Wait." "It's like a race?" "A race?" "It's a race!" "I hope I win." " What are the rules?" " There's only one rule." "Are you ready?" "Here it is:" "there are no rules." "Go!" "Go!" "When you say go, you mean just go?" "Begin, commence, start moving." "theoretically, you've been racing for 40 seconds." "So far Mr Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door." "It's a race." "A race!" "You have to pace yourselves." "Copper hydrateis important." "Pasta is good." "Breathing is important." "It's some sort of joke." "What kind of jackass gives away two million dollars?" "Maybe it's a publicity stunt." "What kind of publicity?" "He swore us to secrecy." " Maybe it's a secret publicity stunt." " A secret publicity stunt?" "There's always an angle." "people like donald SincIair make millions of dollars playing people like us for chumps." "I'm nobody's chump." "11 :30 non-stop to Chicago." "I'm going to be on it." "He's right." "I'm not cutting short a family vacation to go on a wild goose chase." "So...you're not going for it?" "I don't think so!" " Not me." " No, great." "I guess that's that." "It was nice meeting you all." "I'm going to take the stairs." "Have a nice vacation." "It's probably stuck." "I'm going to take the stairs, too." " hold the door, please." " Take your time." "No rush." "Wait, wait, wait!" "This is crazy." "Why don't we go for it together?" "split the money fifty-fifty?" " Fifty-fifty?" " You know what I mean." "Whatever." "Yes, that's a good plan." "It's a race, it's a race!" "I'm winning, I'm winning!" "And they're off!" "No one is offering you action like this." "A horse race with animals that can think and plan and lie and cheat and play dirty." "It's the gambling experience of a lifetime, my way of saying I understand men like you." "I know what you want." "This casino, my casino, is where you belong." " To the airport." " You got it." "We're out the door." "Where are you?" " I forgot to tip the maid." " Forget about the maid, Vera." "There he is!" "Come on!" "Bev, this is a real job." "I swear!" "What is it?" "What's the job?" "Ink." "For fountain pens." " They're in New Mexico?" " silver City, New Mexico." "I Iove New Mexico." "Honey, we'II go with you." " No!" " Why not?" "Because we've already paid for the room." " Now look who's wasting money!" " It was your idea to stop here." "I don't care about David copperfield." "We'II go with you." "We will go with you!" "Fine." "call the bell man, have him bring the van around." "Happy?" "Excuse me, excuse me." "I'm in a race." "Excuse me, it's a race." " What is he doing?" " I think he's sleeping." "He must be narcoIeptic." "It's a rare sleeping disorder." " I bet on him!" " So did I. Two million dollars." "I'm sorry, gentlemen." "AII the bets are locked in." " Look out!" " Don't tell me how to drive!" "Where's my video game?" " SeatbeIts, everyone." " What is the rush?" "I don't want to be late." "You're not just a travel agent." "You're an angel." "There's one charter plane available in Las Vegas and we've got it." "Get rid of it." "Throw the ball!" "You'd be lucky to play arena football in barcelona!" " You like football?" " Sure." "Did you catch that dallas game last week?" "You can't really call it a game." "It was a crime against football." "I lost twenty grand on that game!" "Now I've got to work two shifts because of that idiot." "Stevie Wonder could have done a better job!" "Where the hell's the airport?" "One flip of the coin and the franchise goes down the crapper." " Ten fifty, buddy." " Keep the change." "Thanks a Iot." "Have a nice flight!" "Do you know who that was?" "That was the ref." "The guy from the game." "The coin toss." "My God, you're right!" "That was him!" "I let him go!" "Chumps!" "Excuse me." " I'm not a creep." " I don't have any quarters." "I never do this, but I'm reading the same book you are." "Lindberg." "It's fantastic, isn't it?" "What part are you on?" " He just had a sex change." " Who did?" "Lindberg?" "A sex change?" " That's funny." " I thought so." "I wouldn't be too proud." "I'm the most gullible guy in Chicago." " Can I buy you a drink?" " I can't." "I'm flying." " It'II relax you." " I mean I'm flying." "I'm a pilot." "pilot?" " Are there a Iot of female pilots?" " There's at Ieast one." " I'II think of something to say to that." " Good." "mail it to me." "flight 115 to albuquerque, New Mexico." "Gate 17." "Four tickets to albuquerque." "Near the front of the plane." "Come on!" "This is so exciting!" "I've never been on a private plane before." " What's our ETA?" " One hour and ten minutes." "Do it in less than an hour and I'II buy you dinner." "You're on!" "Watch it!" "Move!" "Excuse me." " Who was next?" " I was." " I was!" " I was!" " You were not next!" " Are you calling me a liar?" "We've been in line over 20 minutes." "hold on." "Is that the correct time?" "Yes, it is." " Who's next?" " Those guys." "Two tickets to albuquerque." "Sorry." "We're completely booked." "There's nothing." "There's a 4:30, but you have to switch in dallas." "What do you mean, "that's it"?" "I'm not giving up." "Neither are you." "And neither am I!" "I'II tell you something:" "if we're not flying out of here, nobody's flying out of here." "That can't be good." "Duane!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "I can't!" "Stop the car!" "Stop the car!" "Freeze every flight." "Get me central Operations." "Due to a problem with our radar tracking system, all flights are postponed." "We apologise for any inconvenience." "We've got to go!" "Hurry up!" " What about the bags?" " Let's go!" " This is your licence?" " Yes, it is." " Where was it issued?" " In Guam." "Just head east." "I'm in a hurry!" "hello, again." "East it is." " We have a mid-sized Caprise." " What colour is it?" "Give us whatever car is parked closest to the door." "Ask about insurance." "would you be interested in liability insurance?" " How much is it?" " We'II take it." "Just hurry." "Hit enter." "Now shift." "Shift key, right there." "Idiot!" "I've got one." " What?" " A great comeback." "I said: "Are there a Iot of female pilots?" You said: "At least one"." "I should have said:" ""Two, if you count Lindberg."" "You said he had a sex change." "It's a work in progress." " I'm Nick Schaffer." " Tracy Faucet." "I guess you can have that drink now." "I'm flying to roswell in five minutes." "Didn't you hear?" "Everybody's grounded." "That's only for fixed wing." "Choppers use a different system." "roswell, New Mexico?" " You're flying to New Mexico?" " We've been flying down all week." "They're repainting the whole fleet." "You can fly." "Nobody else can fly." "But you can fly." "And you're flying to New Mexico." "But nobody else can fly." "Do you need a ride?" " Coconut." " Who had coconut?" "I did." " That's the car I'm getting." " Don't count on it." "Why not?" "The volkswagen beetle was used by the Nazis." "I would not be comfortable driving around in one." "Don't drive it." "I will." " Dad, I have to go." " No, you don't." " Yes, I do." "I really do." " We just stopped!" "I couldn't go." "The bathroom was gross." " Can't you hold it in?" " I can't." "It's an emergency!" " There's a restaurant." " That's three miles off the road." " We lose ten minutes." " Your daughter needs the bathroom." "Jason, look for an empty jar." " girls don't pee in jars." " AII right, sorry." "Jason, we're going to need a jar and a funnel." " I don't have to pee." "It's number two!" " I can't stop." " Dad, I'm prairie dogging it." " What the hell does that mean?" " Like a prairie dog nosing the ground." " Ohh!" "I do not want to picture that!" "Yes, sir." "silver City it is, buddy." "It's 700 miles." "You don't mind?" "No, I don't mind." "A job's just another job for me." "How much do you think that's going to cost?" "I wouldn't worry about it." "tell you what: you just pay me whatever you think is fair." "I trust your judgement." "I hate you!" "Nobody look." "I'm going to turn on the radio so nobody can hear you." " I hate you!" " Nobody can hear you." "Push away." "I'II drop you off at the parking lot near the hospital." "What's wrong with your sister?" "You said it was serious." "Shark bite." "A shark bite?" "They took her to silver City?" "They have a really good shark attack unit there." "How fast was I going?" " Where are we?" " It's a shortcut I know." "Maybe we should stick to the highway." "You say we should stick to the highway, I say we should take my shortcut." " Why don't we just flip a coin?" " It's not what you think!" "Come here, you sonovabitch!" "Where's that whistle?" "I'm going to shove it up your ass!" "I'II kill him!" "squirrel?" "No, thank you." "We're looking for the interstate." "I get that a Iot because of the detour." "Now they've lost their way." "Now they can't go home." " Sure you don't want one?" " We're sure." "They make crackerjack pets." "I taught this one to shake hands." "He's not for sale, though." "Who wants to go home with the nice ladies?" ""Pick me!" "Don't be afraid, I don't bite."" " What's your name, pretty lady?" " Vera." "really, we're not interested." "I'm not talking to you." "I'm talking to Vera." "What about Bucky?" "He loves to climb trees and eat nuts." "We do not want a squirrel!" "Do you know where the interstate is?" "Of course." "I'm not retarded." ""tell them about the shortcut"." "Thank you, Bucky." "I almost forgot." "There's a shortcut to Exit 14." "It'II save you 30 miles." "Listen carefully." "You go down here exactly 1.8 miles." "You make a left at the Totem pole Ranch." "Go 5.4 miles, then go up a big hill." "You'II see a big yellow sign with some graffiti on it." "The little dirt road on the right leads to the interstate." " Thank you very much." " Wait a minute." "Take some nuts, just in case you see a squirrel." "Where am I?" " A Barbie museum!" "Can we stop?" " Sorry, Kimmie." "We have a plan." "And we're going to stick to it." "please, daddy." "It's not fair." "We never stop anywhere I want to." "I'm sure Jason doesn't want to go to the Barbie museum." "I'II stop anywhere." "I'm wigging out back here." "You really need to stop, give the kids a break." " Maybe on the way back." " Stop the car." " I can't do that." " We need to stop." " No can do." " You need to stop the car." "Stop the car!" "Fine, but ten minutes." "The Barbie Museum!" "klaus Barbie, sometimes known as the Butcher of Lyon." "Let the Jew revisionists talk about their death camps and so-caIIed crimes against humanity." "This museum is dedicated to the klaus Barbie that nobody knows." "The husband, the devoted father, the wine connoisseur and three-time ballroom dancing champion." "Barbie joined the SS in 1935, where he became one of the Führer's favourite young officers." "Can we go?" "Here we see him beside HitIer's touring car, the same car is on display outside in our courtyard." "You're leaving?" "Yes." "We have a 4:30 book burning and then we have a a christening." "One of our many white Christian, non-Jewish..." " family." " relatives." "The HimmIer Hessen van..." "Thank you so much." "We had a great time." " A gift shop!" " Next time, honey." "I promise." "Just go." " My God!" "We've been cut." " What do we do now?" "." "I say we take the interstate." "No." "There's a shortcut." "You don't know what the shortcut is." "It could be a dirt road." "Why don't we just separate?" " What?" " The two of us." "Maybe we should just separate." "You're right." "You're a genius." "If we separate and you steal a car, we can both go our own way and double our chances." "We've only got one key!" "There it is." "Totem pole Ranch, turn left." "1.8 miles exactly." "AII right, squirrel lady!" "I can't believe it." "You just stole adolf hitler's Mercedes Benz!" "hitler had it coming." "What goes around, comes around." " They're going to be pissed." " They're always pissed." "They're Nazis." "It's their job." "When we get to silver City," "I'II call them." "We'II work something out." " North?" " A little detour." "I want to say hi to my boyfriend." "I can't believe it." "That sonovabitch!" "That's CharIene's car!" " CharIene?" " His ex-girIfriend." "I'm sure there's an innocent explanation." "She probably came by to pick up some clothes." "Did I come at a bad time, asshole?" "I'II ram this helicopter right down your throat!" " What are you doing?" " Don't worry about me." " I've been flying since I was 15." " I'm worried about me!" "Shawn, want to talk about our relationship." "Suck on that, creep!" "help me." "Open it." " I'm actually not comfortable with..." " Open it!" "She's trying to kill me." " Let's get out of here." " Not yet!" "You two-timing, back-stabbing sneak!" "What was I thinking?" "I want my five months back!" "I'm getting the tattoo removed!" "Where are you going, baby?" "Wait for me." " I think we just killed him." " You can't." "He's like a cockroach." "No "oh"!" "Fix the "oh"!" "should we be this low?" "." "Come on, Iet's keep going." "We just violated about 115 federal laws." "I'm getting out of here." "Are you coming?" "No, I know things look bad..." "Nice meeting you." "Get out of the truck, Shawn." "You and I are through, Tracy!" "Tracy, wait!" " That's the first illegal thing I've done." " How does it feel?" "I'm shaking, but that could be from the crash." " Get out of my truck, Tracy!" " It's my truck." "I paid for it." " Who is this?" " I'm nobody." "Yeah, you are nobody." "Stay away from her, nobody, unless you're tired of living." "Shawn, do me a favour." "charlene left her bra in the truck." "Can you make sure she gets it?" "Thanks!" " Where's the driver?" " He's in the powder room." "We'II never get to Santa Fé by three o'cIock." " It's ridiculous!" " ridiculous." "I wish he'd hurry." "It seems very unprofessional." "You've got to help me!" "My wife's having a baby!" " She's having a what?" " A baby!" "And it's half way out!" "I can see the head." " I need your jacket." " Why?" "For her amniotic sac!" "Her amniotic fluid is gushing out." "The jacket!" "Give me the jacket!" " And your pants." " My pants?" "For her placenta and her labia and cervical..." " Quick, the pants." "And hat." " Why do want my hat?" "For her vagina." "Let's go, ladies." "AII aboard." " What happened to Marty?" " family emergency." "His wife's having a baby." "I'm Owen, your new driver." "Quiet, quiet everybody." "We're going to be under way in just a minute." "This is Owen." "He's our new driver." "Everyone say hello." "hello, Owen!" "Our next stop is the 3rd annual I Love Lucy Convention in Santa Fé, New Mexico." "What do you say?" " Is he dead?" " Mister, are you dead?" "It's a race, it's a race." "Run like greased lightning!" "Not good." "No, no, no, no, no." "Don't move!" "I saw the whole thing." "I'II be right down." "Shit!" "gloria AIIred." "Buddy, are you OK?" "You're fine!" "You don't want to report this, do you?" "You don't need a taxi." "Where are you going?" "silver City, New Mexico." "I am in a race." "This is your lucky day." "I'm going to EI Paso." "It's right on the way!" "I've got to be there by seven o'cIock tonight, so I'II be driving very fast." " Great!" "Just one copy?" "You get an extra one for half price." "Just one." "And hurry." "It's the best idea you ever had." "We split up and double our chances." " It can't fall." " Remember where we're going?" " silver City, New Mexico." " Train station locker 001." "rule number one: discretion." "Don't talk to anybody." "We're talking about two million dollars in cash." "people would kill us to get that key." "I Iove you." " AII right, you steal a car." " I'm going to steal that Corvette." "As long as it's fast." "I'II meet you in silver City." "Don't forget your key." "There he is." "We're at 2.4 miles." "There's the sign with the graffiti." "Turn right." "You see it?" "I Iove this!" "It's like a treasure hunt." "I guess my favourite episode would be episode 34." "Ladies..." "Lucys, stay behind the line, please." "Remember that one?" "No, I don't remember that one." "It sounds like a masterpiece." "Ma'am..." "Lucy, you have to put that out, please." "Lucy, your hair!" "Thank you." "I couldn't decide whether to keep it up..." "It's on fire!" " Stop the bus!" " We're not stopping!" "Put it out." "We're not stopping!" "The bathroom!" "Two million dollars, two million dollars two million dollars, two million dollars..." "The donald SincIair, the billionaire?" "It sounds crazy, but I think it's on the level." "We have to decide yes or no right now." "If everybody else had to drive, we have a three-hour head start." " So, you're proposing...?" " We form a corporation." "If we win, we split everything fifty-fifty." "You can even hold the key." " What do you think?" " I don't know." "I'm in shock." "Three hours ago I was sitting in the airport." "I had a job." "My grandfather used to say good things take time, great things happen all at once." " Jason, where did you get that?" " I found it under the seat." "Give it to me right now." "You can't play that." "It's HitIer's harmonica." "You can't play HitIer's harmonica." " You're driving his car." " I'm not touching it with my mouth." "I'm not sucking on the dashboard." "I'm not getting his germs." "Look what I found." " Where did you get those?" " The floor." " Look, I'm Mrs HitIer." " Take those off right now." "Look at this, a lipstick." "It's dark." " Eva Braun had style." " She was hitler's girlfriend." " Give us a kiss." " It's not funny." "Give me that." "I've got it all over my hand." "R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me" "Just a little bit Just a little bit" "Look at us go." "We are zooming!" "I told you." "We're hauling ass." "We're hauling ass." "AII righty!" " Guess what I got back there?" " You just told me." "Ass!" " We're hauling ass!" " That's just an expression." "It's a heart." " A heart?" " A human heart." "Some lucky bastard in EI Paso's waiting for it." "normally they put it on a plane, but the airport's closed." "You want to see it?" "See what?" " Are we allowed?" " We'II just take a peak." "What could happen?" "It's a heart." "It needs fresh air." "It's been locked up for seven hours." "Oops-a-daisy." "I'II get it." " I think I've found it." " No, that's a caramel apple." "This is so wrong!" "God is going to smote us." "We're siphoning gas." "It's not a smoting offence." "ShouIdn't be turning me on, should it?" " What are you doing?" " 17 cups of coffee." "I guess that's it." "I guess not!" "How do you turn this thing off?" "Sonovabitch!" " He's stopping." " He knows you don't mess with us." " Guys!" "I need this balloon!" " What are you doing?" "I know what I'm doing!" "I'm coming to get you!" "Get back here!" "I'II get him." "I'II get you, stupid hardware guy!" "Grab the rope!" "I'm going to get you!" "Grab it!" "You missed it!" " Stop the car!" " Hang on, buddy." "please stop!" "I've got it!" "Just hang on." "Move!" "Watch out!" " Give me back my key!" " What are you talking about?" "Give me the key!" "It's me!" "I got the key." " How's it going, captain?" " So far so good." " How about a pit stop?" " Sorry, this is a one-way flight." "There's a bathroom in the back." "The latch is broken." "Anybody could come in." "You haven't got nothing the other Lucys haven't seen already." "Not necessarily." " would you stop screaming?" " Damn!" "help me!" "For God's sake!" "Shit!" " Owen, what are you doing?" " flat tyre." "Stay on the bus." " You're turning it the wrong way." " please get on the bus." "Wait!" "Wait!" "You're supposed to change the air in the tyres every 12,000 miles." " I can fix it." " Give me that." "Wait!" "That's the spare!" "Turn it around." "please be careful." "Wait!" "What is that?" " It's a nickel." " Put it in the bag." "Why don't you check over there?" "Maybe it bounced." "I'm a dead man!" "Don't worry, my friend." "We will find the heart." "I have lost my heart many times before." "I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are." "I don't think it got this far." "Let's check by the road." "hello!" "A doggy!" "Isn't he a good doggy?" "Look at him go." "It's a beautiful car." "Look at this mahogany." "You don't see that any more." " I wonder what this is?" " It's a cigarette lighter." " They didn't have those then." " Yes, they did." "Honey, did you burn yourself?" "I told you." "No, no, no." "Sorry." "My husband burned his finger." " He was cooling, then waving..." " Bev, not helping." "I really like your dyke...bike." "Cut them off!" "Are you nuts?" "Stay down!" "This thing won't go any faster." "Are you insane?" "This is hitler's car!" "tell them everything that happened and ask them to call the police and a tow truck!" "Are you HaroId?" "I'm Vicky." "Are you going to invite me in?" "Or would you rather party in the hallway?" "please, come in." "Not too shabby." " Where are you from Harry?" " From here, Las Vegas." "local boy makes good." "So, Harry, what can I do for you?" "Here's what I want." " We both get naked." " So far so good." "only we're wearing sailor hats." "Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with PeptoBismoI." "I clip your toenails and you shave my buttocks." "Pardon me?" "Naked, jacuzzi, PeptoBismoI toenails, shave my buttocks." "How much would that cost?" " You have quite an imagination." " How much would it cost?" "Let's see." "A party like that..." "Three thousand dollars." "Three thousand is the going rate." "Who had three thousand?" "carlton had 2800." "He's the closest." "I think it's OK." "What do you think?" "What about those little holes?" "Are they bite marks?" "No, no, no..." "That's how it was." "I'm pretty sure." "What am I doing?" "I can't go to EI Paso with this." "Look at it!" "It's going to leak like a sieve." "The guy's going to be alive for two minutes and then..." "A drifter." "A drifter?" "We find a drifter, kill him, cut out his heart." "Nobody's going to miss him." "He's an invisible man." "It's a perfect plan." "Mr Zack, now you are giving me the freak out." "Where do I find a drifter?" "Enrico, where did you say you were from?" "Me?" "I am from NapoIi." "And your family?" "They're back there?" "No, my papa is dead." "And my mamma." "AII gone." " Any family?" "Kids?" " No." "I am completely alone." "Why..." "Why do you...?" "Look!" "A drifter." "Let's kill him." "Sonova..." "Come back here!" "You're not going anywhere today." "You've got a crack in your radiator, the big tank in front of the engine." "I know what a radiator is." " Where can we rent a car?" " albuquerque." " We'II have to patch it." " Patch it with what?" "Sand and tyre sealant." "It forms an adhesive that should last a couple of hours." " We only have 30 miles to go." " darling, we don't have any sand." "We're in the desert!" "We should have bought a squirrel." "Mother of mercy!" "Where did you come from?" "Car trouble?" "Sit down." "You two look exhausted." "How long have you been out there?" "Have something to drink." "What's going on?" "Rocket scientists from LA are trying to break the land speed record." "The vehicle represents three years of RD conducted at the california Institute of technology." "The design team was led by Professor Ken Friedman and Dr Richard Kramer." "We believe that this is the most perfect vehicle ever designed." "The entire vehicle weighs less than 1850 pounds." "The body is a one-piece composite, the wheels are solid aluminium." "She's powered by twin JE79 turbojet engines, the same engines as in the F4 Phantom jet." " Are there any questions?" " What is the current record?" "7 42 miles per hour, but we hope to have a new record today." "Anyone else?" " How do you start it?" " Good question." "There's a green lever to the Ieft of the steering wheel..." " 7 40, 7 45!" " That's a record!" "They're going to break the sound barrier!" "That's it." "I still don't think she's going to hold." " What do we owe you?" " 500 bucks." "For what?" "Two coats of sealant?" "That's 20 bucks, tops." "Here's 40 dollars, double what it's worth." "Come on, Nick." "Let's go." "hold it." "Another tool no mechanic should be without." "Fine." "Here's your 500 dollars." "You know what?" "What goes around, comes around." " This is so unchristian!" " Unchristian?" "If the good Lord don't like the way I conduct business," "let him say something." "Let him give me a sign." "Oh, Lord." "I'm here and I'm listening." " Mach I!" " We did it!" "Everybody OK?" "You all right?" "Randy, you OK?" "There's no Ink, Inc." " What?" " There's no job." "It's a race." "We're racing." "donald SincIair put two million dollars in a locker and I want to get there first." "I do not want to work at Home Depot!" "OK, people." "Back on the bus." "Don't eat that." "Back on the bus!" "Put that down." "You too." "On the bus." "Come on, everyone." "We don't want to miss dinner." "It's macaroni night." " We came in a rocket car." " Oh!" "Let's hear all about that on the bus." "We can still win, but we have to leave now." " So come on!" " Dad, it's been a living hell." "Bev, it's two million dollars." "That's a lifetime's supply of hummus." "I'm being selfish." "I understand." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "almost got us killed." "Hi, everybody." "Miss me?" "To show there's no hard feelings, chocolate shakes all around!" " Are you OK?" " I'm fine." "I'm a little disappointed, but I'm an adult." "Drink these up, we'II return the NazimobiIe, get the van fixed and go back to Vegas and see David copperfield." "Drink up, buddy." "Is it good?" "Drink it up, honey." "Don't feel bad." "It's not your fault." "We won't let the company fire you." " I'm no bus driver." " Don't say that." "No, I'm not." "I'm not a bus driver." "You mustn't be so hard on yourself." "Who's the world's greatest bus driver?" "No, no, no." "Listen." "Listen!" "No, no!" "Listen!" "No!" "Shut up, you crazy Lucy bitches!" "Shut up!" "I am not a bus driver!" "I do not work for the bus company!" "I needed a ride to New Mexico, so I stole this uniform." "See this jacket?" "This is not my jacket!" "Remember Marty, the bus driver?" "This is his shirt!" "I stole it!" "Do you think I'd wear these pants?" "These are Marty's pants." "I stole them." "I am not a bus driver!" "You're not a real bus driver?" "You lied to us!" "He ruined our whole vacation!" "Here they come." "They're all within 50 miles." "It's the final lap." "Mr Grisham!" "The airport's back online." "Take the Lear jet to silver City and give us a play by play for the finish line." "Let's go back to Vegas." "Bev, come on, wake up!" "Bev, wake up." "Third Reich's here!" "Head down." "You want to have a nice life." "Think!" "SS in the parking lot!" "Not good!" "Are they gonna be all right?" "I don't think there's room." "This one's little." " There it is!" " silver City!" "We're almost there." "Go!" "There were two guys in there." "Where did they go?" "Next stop silver City." "silver City?" "It is the finish line." "I made it, I made it!" "The key." "Where is the key?" "Where is the key, my little baby?" " Excuse me." " I think I am touching it." " Get away from him!" " I can feel it." "It's very small." "I am calling a doctor!" "Wait, come back!" "Don't leave me!" "Come on, baby!" "Come on, just one more mile." "Just one mile!" " Randy?" " Hi, honey." "How did you sleep?" " Pass him!" " I can't." "We're too big." "There's silver City." "We're here." "Move!" " They've stopped." " No." "They're moving." "I can smell it!" "Stop the bus!" "We need to get off!" " Ladies, you know the rules." " We're not crazy, lady." " We didn't buy a squirrel." " So we stole the rocket car." "tell the driver to open the door!" "Open the door!" "tell him!" " Open the door." " Good girl." "It's PoIIini." "Enrico PoIIini on a train." "He just rolled into the station." "What do you know?" "." "Rip van winkle pulled it off." "You've got to love a Iong shot." "Is here, is here." " Here he comes." " It's you." "He's holding the key." "And he's going to the locker." "Mr PoIIini, well done, sir." "And congratulations." "On behalf of Mr donald SincIair, the Venetian hotel and Casino..." "Mr Grisham, is it over?" "He's sleeping!" "Did I win?" "Vicky, Iet go of this bag or, I swear to God, I'II report you to the escort service." "Mr Grisham, what's going on?" "The hooker!" "The hooker is taking the money!" " What hooker?" " Vicky, from the hotel." "PeptoBismoI?" " Vicky, I told you to wait in the car!" " What is she doing there?" "I brought her." "I'm sorry, she said she liked me." "I'm beginning to think she was only interested in the money." " Come with me." " I'II drive." "So long, suckers!" "The bus!" " You want to steal a bus?" " Yes, I do." "God, what have I done?" "This thing's got a mind of its own!" " Finders keepers, pal." " That's mine!" "I see it!" "Oh, no!" "It means it's a scratch." "Nobody wins." "bullshit!" "It means we're going into extra innings." "carla, have the airport get my other Lear ready." "Gordon, keep your eye on the board." "tell us where they're going." "Grab your drinks." "We're going to silver City." " Is that it?" " That's it." "Thank the pilot." "tell him to level off." " Who had Mr Kamichi?" " It was me." "It's coming down right there!" "Where is it?" "There it is!" " That is one hell of an entrance!" " It's Smash Mouth!" "What's going on over here?" "What's this?" " Money." " Jesus, how much is this?" "Two million dollars." "Two million dollars, everybody!" "Two million dollars!" "On the bus we talked about it." "We decided to share all the money." "They're going to share all the money!" " Give these guys some jackets." " Get these jackets over here." "What's the story?" "Are you some kind of organisation?" "No, we just met this morning." "They just met this morning!" "I almost didn't come along, but I met Tracy." " Great things happen all at once." " This is beautiful!" "Great things happen." "We're gonna see where we're at right." "Come on, baby." "Get her up." "You don't understand." "Excuse me, we work for Feed the Earth." "These are some of our children." "I don't know who you people are or where you came from but God bless you." "Tonight, you've given to these kids and their brothers and sisters all over the world, more than money." "You've given them back their faith." "Their faith in the goodness of people." "She said:" ""You are just like the 12 disciples."" "Thank you." "Forget it!" "The other disciples can do what they want, but this money is going home with us." "End of story." "Put the money in the bag!" "You don't know me." "Come here." "I'm so proud of you, giving away all your money." "Momma is watching us from heaven right now." "What would she do?" "It's for starving children, Duane." "Do it for mom." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I'd Iike to introduce the real star of tonight's show." "None of us would be here if it wasn't for this man." "He's the man with the plan, Mr donald SincIair!" "One of the wealthiest men in the world!" "Mr donald SincIair!" "Get a camera on him." "There he is." "These men didn't have to be here tonight." "They could be in Vegas, blowing their money on some idiotic bet." "They couldn't do that, not when there are children going to bed hungry." " Isn't that right?" " Whatever." "Mr donald SincIair and his partners want you and the millions watching at home to know they plan to match whatever you raise tonight, dollar for dollar!" "Let's hit the phones out there!" "We're going to feed the whole world!" "Thank you!" "Goodnight!"