"Fuck!" "Okay, you caught me." "I mean... men are not the only ones who like to whack off like zoo monkeys." "Why isn't it okay for girls to just like fucking?" "If you could have sex once a week, no attachments, no expectations just straight up fucking, would you?" " I like fucking." "I like it a lot." "Who doesn't?" "But people make such a big deal out of it." "And there's so much emphasis placed on appearance." "I don't know why." "I've had sex with fat girls and skinny girls it's really all the same." " I know... that everyone is a little... self-conscious about how good they are in bed... and I was never really, I guess, great in bed because..." "I didn't read Cosmo's latest article on how to please my man... because I don't read those magazine articles and, quite frankly..." "I haven't really been too concerned about pleasing him." "Fuck me." "I blew a great setup." "Did you ever fuck something up and you knew you were fucking it up... but you did it anyway?" "Maybe she fucked it up." "I don't know." "I'll let you people decide." "My opinion is biased." "I don't why there's this myth that women get dependent on men." "I mean, every day in America some guy snaps and kills his girlfriend." "They gotta get restraining orders taken out against them all the time." "Women never do that." "Oh, you think you're immune, pal?" "Well, brother, you just haven't met the girl you wanna fuck and kill someday." "You're a fucking asshole!" "I was trying to tell you how much I love, for fuck's sake!" " How, if you think I'm fat?" "Thanks!" " I didn't say that." "You're nuts." " You're paranoid." "You realize that?" " No, you're the one that's paranoid." "You're the one that gets pissed off every time Damien comes here." " Grow up!" " Listen, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... you got insulted by my attempt to compliment you." "But if you're gonna bring up your ex-boyfriend, at least understand why I wan to punch him in the face!" " What the hell is that?" "A woman's place in procreation has always been to attract a man:" "big tits, small waist and round ass." "And you're really sensitive about that shit being in its proper place." " I'm not even half as sensitive!" " Okay, tell me that I gained 5 pounds!" "If I get a new haircut and you didn't notice, would I give a shit?" "No!" "I do not like to be insulted, no, but that has nothing to do... with you wanting to punch somebody in the God damned face!" "You tell me that you love me 'cause I'm so manly." "This is it, this is the whole package." "Oh, shut the fuck up!" "What a mess!" "How do two people end up talking to each other like that?" "Let me rewind to the very, very beginning." "LA's real interesting, but it ain't cheap, huh?" "I'm down to my last hundred." "What'd you got?" "76... no, 72 bucks." "I bought your cigarettes." "Fuck." "I don't understand... we've been here like a month." "We should've found jobs by now." "It's the concrete companies here, they just hire migrant workers." "It's bullshit." "You think California was a bad idea?" "Couple guys like us, we'll get something going." "Well, we better get something going soon." "We don't have even have enough money to get friggin' drunk!" "When was the last time we went into a fancy hotel bar... ran up a huge tab and then just bolted?" "Shit." "Months?" "Come on, this is the kind of sun shit we always talked about doing." "Fun shit you always talked about doing." "I'm only going along to make sure you're okay." "Haven't you ever wanted complete control in bed?" "They'll have to do whatever we say, it'll be amazing." "How do you even know how to find male prostitutes?" "Please tell me you didn't go on the Internet." "No, no, there's this hotel downtown." "It has a lounge." "That's what it's famous for." "This woman at my salon was telling me all about it." "You go down there, you see the guys and pick out the one you want." "Sounds very romantic." " How's your black eye by the way?" " Not so bad." "I keep covering it up." "How do you even do it?" "God, you're like Houdini." "I keep 'em pre-tied in my nightstand and I just slip them on." "Well, that's you, babe." "Very efficient." "Stanny, think that security guy's onto us." "Joe, we've done this to every fancy hotel in NY for what, ten years?" "You think some LA rent-a-cop's gonna bust us?" "We shouldn't be doing this." "They charge us like seven bucks for a beer." "That's ripping people off." "We're just making shit even." "The guy will think that we're so desperate to get laid that..." "Stop it!" "God!" "They're gonna be so excited." "They usually have to do it with a bunch of disgusting old women." " They're gonna think that we..." " They're whores!" "They're prostitutes." "If anyone has issues with their self-image, it's them, not you." "Oh yeah." " Check it out." "Check that shit out!" " Wait, wait!" " Please don't." "We should..." " Hey there." " Hey." " Hi." "California is a friendly place." "Yeah, we're not used to two beautiful girls just walking right up to us." " So, you two boys have names?" " Yeah, I'm Joe." "This is Stanny." " This is Christi Ann." "I'm Donna." "Hello, Joe and Stanley." "No, it's not Stanley, it's Stanny." "There's no "L"." "Oh, Stanny." "Does it really matter now?" "So, where are you girls from and stuff?" "Up in the hills, Laurel Canyon." "We just moved to town." "Oh, a couple of regular guys new in town looking to meet people." "Yeah." "Yeah, we're both in construction." "Time's a little slow right now, but we'll get something going soon." " Just trying to get by, huh?" " Construction workers." "Are you girls like models or something?" "You don't have to belittle us, we don't usually do this." "Let's grab a table." "What, do you work out?" "I work out a lot." "But usually I get enough of a workout on the job." "We work with concrete." "Shit's heavy." "Yes, look, we wanted manly men..." "but you're overdoing it... with the blue collar routine." " Is that Drakkar you're wearing?" " Yep." "Thanks." " So, what do you do for a living?" " I'm a writer." "Really?" "Like books and shit?" "Screenwriter, like movies and shit." "Get out of here!" "That's so cool." "I mean, what have I seen that you wrote?" "Nothing yet." "None of my scripts have been turned into movies yet." "Well, you gotta start by writing it first, right?" " What about you?" "What do you do?" " Christi Ann is a clothing designer." " She designed this." " Really?" "Very nice." "Shit!" "Christi Ann, I totally forgot." "I was in this coffee shop... and I saw a woman wearing one of your new shirts." " Really?" " Man!" "Somebody took your shit from the Laundromat?" "That happened to me." "Remember that, Stanny?" "Somebody just took my stuff from the dryer... and then we see this guy from two floors up wearing my sweatpants!" "No, Joe, she's saying that she makes clothes." "She made this here." " Oh, you invent clothes!" " Yes, I invent clothes." "In fact, people were running around naked before until I came along." "I have to go to the bathroom." "I'll be... right back." "California girls, man." "They're fucking unbelievable!" "Okay, what about the bill?" " I think we should hire them." " Shut up!" "You flirted, you got your twisted affirmation." "I think we should get out of here." "Look, I'm inviting Stanny back to the house." "If you don't wanna sleep with Joe, you don't have to." "I got it." "I'll make it look like I left my wallet back at the motel." "These girls come here all the time." "They can cover us." "No, that ain't right, man." "Why don't we just stick the hotel with the bill and split?" "These girls shouldn't..." "I..." "I think I left my wallet back at my motel." "Sure you did." "Why don't I just get this round?" "So, how do you boys wanna do this?" "Should we get a room upstairs or?" "Why don't we just go back to my house... and we can fool around up there?" "Okay." "Let me show you my room." "Wow!" " Is this your parents' house?" " No." "No, it's Donna's house." "I just live here." "Wow, you must come home everyday and do this, huh?" " No." " If I lived here, I would." " You like it rough, don't you?" " Yeah!" "Boy, did you pick the right guy!" "Punish me, I'm bad!" "Look, this was all my friend's idea." "I..." "I don't think I can do this." "You must have a fancy bar or something around here, right?" "Oh, perfect." "Perfect." "You don't wanna have sex?" "That's fine." "Your friend, Donna... she needs to get laid." "You, Christi Ann... you need to get drunk." " What, you wanna get me drunk?" " No, I wanna get me drunk." "But I can tell you're one of those, you know, uptight people... that I love to help out by getting them good and hammered." "So, here's the deal:" "for every two drinks that I have... you gotta have one, until you're either puking or laughing." " Yeah!" "Yeah!" " You like that, don't you, nasty?" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" " You're so bad." " You're the man!" "You're the man!" "I was 15 years old..." "I'd been jerking off two years straight, dreaming of this moment." "And the second she goes to kiss it... my dick just starts like, flapping all over the place!" "And she looks up at me, all freaked out." "At the same time, whack!" "My dick hits her right in the jaw." "You're gonna make me come!" "Oh, my God!" " Do you want some water?" " Sure." " Do you like that?" " Oh yeah." "I go to the gynecologist like a week later, 'cause I felt uncomfortable." "I know the doctor's gonna know it's cause I lost my virginity... but I don't care, because I was starting... to get paranoid something's wrong." "The doctor finds the condom." "My asshole boyfriend was so embarrassed to tell me... that he finished right away... so he's moving around 'til it got soft and it just came off." "And the thing was stuck up in me for like a week!" "What was he thinking?" "You're okay?" "God, that felt so..." "Oh, my God!" "So fucking great!" "You want a cigarette?" " Do you want some water?" " Sure." "That..." "That was..." "That was thrilling." "I can't believe it." "That was..." "Did you like that?" "You okay?" "Want a cigarette?" "Here, here's a cigarette." "So, should we?" " I don't know." " Yeah, you do." "You know, I've never ever... ever had a one-night stand." "You're the first girl who's told me that... who I believe it's true." " Alright." " Alright." "I'm sorry." "Everything tickles." "I'm sorry." "I don't think I can do this." "Okay." " Can I ask you something?" " Sure." "How often... do you think men cry?" "What the fuck kind of fucked up question is that?" "Well, I'm writing this character... and I was just trying to figure out how real he was." "So I'm asking you how often." "Fuck, I don't know the national average or nothing." "And how often do you think you cry?" "Never, really." "I mean... life sucks sometimes, but you know, I get pissed off and shit." "Crying never solved nothing." " You guys ever get caught?" " For what?" "You know, loitering at the bar?" "Damn, was it that obvious?" "It's not like we always do that." "You know, it's just something fun to do when the funds are low." "So the he yells out, "So yeah, I'll call you tomorrow!"" "Seriously, I swear to God I burst out laughing." "I don't care that it was rude." "God!" "My God!" "Are they doing it again?" "My record is five times." " One night, five times." " Wow!" "Really?" "I usually do it once." "Well, I mean, sometimes, you know, I've done it..." "I've had guys who wanted to do it more." "And that one that was finished after the first time... but I had another guy who... who would sometimes wanna go again and sometimes I would." "You like... have a thing with sex, huh?" "Well, if Donna's gonna do it, I mean I should..." "Maybe I'll do it too." " Don't do it on account of her." " No." " No, no." "I want to." " Alright." "I mean, we probably shouldn't do it here." " Okay, you gotta relax." " Oh no, I'm relaxed." "You like that?" "That doesn't feel good?" "Okay." "Okay, okay." "Okay." "You know any jokes?" "No." "A guy walks into a bar... and the bartender says..." "Shit, I forgot what he said." "He said something." "We heard you two having fun last night." "Never mind that." "Check out the sunrise." "Isn't it beautiful?" "Cool." "I love dusk." "Does anybody need anything to drink?" "Water, juice?" "Just sit here and relax, baby." "Actually, you know, I..." "I should probably try and get some sleep." "I've got a lot of writing to do tomorrow." " I mean, today." " Yeah, I guess it is getting kinda late." "So, I guess you boys deserve to get paid." "How much do we owe you anyway?" "Yeah, you know, I have to admit I was opposed to the idea... but I think, who knows, maybe in like six months... if we're still two lonely women, we might call you again." "Yeah." "Leave us your cards, your pager numbers or whatever." "Can you take a check?" "Cause I don't think we have that much laying around." " A check?" " It's good." "Look, we can go to an ATM." "How much do we owe you, anyway?" "I mean, I have money." "Hold on." "Wait a minute." "Do you think that we're prostitutes?" "What, making fun of the girls who've never done this before?" "So, what's the damage?" "I have 1,000 dollars." "You gotta tip 'em, mine was really good." "Wait." "You're serious?" "Why is everything getting all strange all of a sudden?" "I asked you if you'd ever been arrested..." "Yeah, for drinking dash." "We're not gigolos!" "We thought you girls just wanna hang out and stuff!" " You're serious?" " Yeah, I'm fucking serious!" "We're hanging out at the bar, you roll up on us... you say you wanna fuck us, what the hell are we supposed to think?" "We never said you had to pay us to fuck you!" "Wait a second." "What about that 1,000 bucks?" "That was pretty cool." "Joe, they think we're male prostitutes." "They're kicking us out of here, they never wanna see us again." "Man!" "I thought you thought I was funny and stuff!" "So, you two are really two construction workers from Queens?" "Yeah!" "I knew this was gonna happen!" "I can't believe you made me do this!" "I am so mortified!" "I didn't make you, how was I supposed to know they were..." " Gross!" "God!" " Fuck you, ew!" "You sure seemed to like when I had your legs in the air!" "Goddamned freaks!" "Wanna get spanked and shit?" "We are not freaks!" "You're the one who wanted to spank me!" "Yeah, but I didn't know I was getting hired to do it!" "Come on, Joe, let's get the fuck out of here." " I don't believe it." "I've been used!" " Must be some rich girl thing." "California girls!" "Where are we?" "You think they'll still give us the money?" "Oh, they'd better!" "I'm never drinking again." "I can't believe you made me do this." "Stop blaming me!" "Hell, you were with the really stupid one." "Why couldn't you tell he was just some moron?" "Why couldn't you tell?" "!" "God!" "And Jesus, they were both morons." "Your guy was drooling all over you." "It was pathetic!" " I forgot something." " Yeah?" "Never mind." "Stanny, wake up." "We gotta go find a place to live." "And a job!" " Can you believe those bitches?" " Just forget about it, bro." "Let's just go find a place to stay." "We have enough for a deposit now, right?" "What are you talking about?" "We have 80 something bucks left between us." "We made 1,000 dollars last night." "What, they wouldn't give it to you?" " No." " No, they wouldn't give it to you?" " Stanny, you didn't ask them, did you?" " No, I didn't fucking ask them." "Fuck them, friggin' rich chicks!" "I don't need their money." "I'm a working man." "I worked my whole fuckin' life." "Can you believe that one girl told me she was a writer?" "Yeah, if I had rich parents, I'd tell people I was the King of Egypt." "We really could've used that thousand bucks, Stanny." "Well, you wanna hike back up there and get the money, go ahead." "I need cigarettes." "Christi Ann, I'm sorry." "The whole thing was my idea... and I shouldn't have forced you to do something that you didn't wanna do." "It's okay." "Maybe we'll look back at it and laugh." "Look, I'm really sorry 'cause I know you." "And you wouldn't have done anything with that guy." "You probably only did it 'cause you didn't want me to do it alone." "Well, that's true." "But..." "I don't know, my guy was kinda cute." " Was he?" " He wasn't very smart... but he was really sweet." " How was he in bed?" " He was fine." "Just fine?" "Mine was nuts." " What, like crazy nuts?" " No, nuts like amazing nuts!" " Wow." "Really?" " It only stands to reason." "Good in bed, fucking asshole in the morning." "You need to take that up with your therapist." "Next time I come up with a stupid idea... just tell me I'm being stupid, okay?" " Deal." " Friends?" "Okay." "Joe." " Hi." " Hi." " Your name is Joe, right?" " Yeah, Joe Santarella." "Nice to meet you." "Thank you for telling me your last name... 'cause I have a short mental list of the men I've had sex with... and I would've hated just to have Joe." "I was hoping that..." "I could get that money from you." "Stanny and I, we're... gonna get booted out of this motel and... since you guys were gonna give us a thousand bucks anyway..." "We could really use it." "Yeah, sure." "Can you hold on a second?" "What's up?" "It's Joe." "They want the money." " Is Stanny there too?" " No, just Joe." "He's probably gonna sleep for two days." "I mean, I fucked him so hard he was incoherent." "You know, when you fuck a guy into a coma?" "No, obviously I don't because he's fully conscious." "Why do you ask me questions you already know the answers to?" "Why should we even pay them?" "I mean, every other guy... in America went home drunk and lonely last night." "They're getting booted from their motel, plus..." "I don't think they have a car." "I think he walked here." "Fuck it." "Go ahead, pay him." "Although I gotta admit, best 500 bucks I have spent in a long time." "Thanks." "This is really gonna help." "I appreciate it." "Nice meeting you, then." "Bye." "I was a really lousy lay, wasn't I?" "No." "Look, usually when people first have sex, they're a little inhibited." "No, that was me at my best." "But thanks for being honest." " What's the matter?" " I'm..." "I don't know, you know how I'm a shitty dancer?" "How every other girl in the world can dance, but I have no rhythm." " You dance fine." " Fine!" " Great." "Story of my sex life: fine." " Wait a minute." "Are we talking about your sex life or about you being a shitty dancer?" "I'm a shitty lover, I'm a shitty kisser, I'm a shitty blowjob giver..." " And never mind..." " I thought you didn't give blowjobs." "I don't." "I can't." "I don't know, I missed that class in college." "Man, that's the only thing I do remember about college." "How come I never fucked a guy... until he was laying there like a zombie?" "I wanna turn a guy into a zombie." "Look, I just think this is too extreme an idea!" "You said you wanted to get laid!" "We'll have them come in at night, or every couple days... you know, we'll hardly notice they're there." "I just don't like people knowing my private business." " I didn't live with my boyfriends..." " They're not living with us." "They're crashing in the pool house, like our neighbors." "But we have to share the yard with them." "Please!" "When have you ever gone in the back yard?" "We go in that pool maybe once a month." "When did you become the nympho all of a sudden?" "Well, not all of us got to sport fuck through school!" "Excuse me, it was college, and everybody else was fucking!" "You were just too uptight, so don't talk shit about me." "Besides, you're supposed to have cabana boy when you're 45, not 25." "I'm sorry I called you a sport fucker." "You really think this will help you get some experience... or confidence boosting with some boy toy?" "I guess so." "Yes, exactly." "We don't have to pay the rent." "We'll have somewhere to stay until we get on our feet." "I don't know." "There's some weird catch to this you ain't telling me." "Stanny, we're about a week away from getting booted outta this motel." "We don't have jobs." "This is about the best thing that ever happened to us." " Are we allowed to go in the pool?" " I guess so." " How often I gotta fuck her?" " Come on, man." "I know you like fucking her even if you don't like her." "Yeah, she's nasty." "Still, how come... how come I get the bitchy one and you get the nice one?" "Mine's a terrible lay." "She can't even kiss." "It's like... making out with a baloney sandwich or something." " Really?" " Yeah, she's like..." " It's terrible." " Okay." "I can't believe this." "I have gotta go write." "I can't spend all day doing this." "Yeah, but you said yourself you can't write when you're not getting laid." "This is gonna cure any writer's block you've ever had." "Okay, you understand:" "we don't want boyfriends." "We don't want boyfriends, we don't want relationships." "We want two guys to service us, this is strictly sexual." "You're on call 24 hours." "We get laid when we want, how we want." "You work for us." "We'll give you a place to stay in the pool house... and you're not allowed in the house unless you're working." "You know, and during the day you can look for legitimate jobs... and try to save money until you get on your feet." "Okay, alright." "But we got a few small requirements." "We want TV with a satellite in the pool house." "I have a TV." "And I'm sure you know how to run a cable through the yard." "Anything else?" "Beer." "Know what I love about LA, Joe?" "People don't date." "They just move in." "Yo!" "Yo!" " Dick, gimme it." " You're being a dick, man, I found it." "Dude, it ain't yours." "It belongs to somebody else, let me have it." "It ain't yours either, man." " They're fighting over a ball." " Just spray them with the hose." "Should we do something?" "They're probably hungry, put a bowl of food out for 'em." " Let go, dick!" " Gimme it!" "It's my ball, man!" "You guys hungry?" "Where are you going?" "Isn't it Saturday?" "No, I'm going to the store." "It's open." "In fact, I have a very important meeting with a fashion rep." "Okay." "Bye." "I'm going to write." "You two boys behave yourselves." " Don't you write at home?" " Too distracting." "See that, Joe?" "They're up all night on Friday and then go to work on Saturday." "Yeah, they're like guys." "Hardworking." "Like us." "I respect that." "Look, fashion week is next month." "All the top designers, all the critics every magazine are gonna be there." " Yeah, I know." "No, I know you know." "You're a designer but I'm the rep." "And I'm very successful at getting people in." " Absolutely." "You're one of the best." " My being the best isn't the point." "The point is that's very difficult to get into fashion week." "Only a certain amount of designers get in." "You're lucky." "This guy just dropped out." "Drugs, overdose, who cares?" " I want you to take his place." " Are you serious?" " You can get my line in?" " Yeah." "Just have your line ready." "And putting the show on isn't cheap." "You're gonna have to pay for all this yourself." "Don't come to me." "I'm not the bank." "Well I cab barely make ends meet now..." " Make it happen." "I make the rest happen." "How do you like my dog?" "Makes me seem warm and approachable, right?" " Think we're invited for dinner?" " Shit, I guess not." " I think we're slaves." " We are." " We are whores." " We are, aren't we?" "Should we go invite them in?" "No, we always make enough food for four." "I don't know, I guess I just thought you were..." "I don't know." "You are such a liar." "You always act like this when you like a guy." "Don't even!" "I like fucking the guy." " Boys, dinner's ready!" " Guess we're invited." "This is a good gig we got going on here." " So don't, you know, mess it up." " What do you mean?" "You know what I mean." "You can just kinda piss people off sometimes." "So, how come y'all didn't have girlfriends back home?" "What?" "Did you just kick me?" "She asked a legitimate question." "I'll answer it." "No, no, never mind." "It was a stupid question." "Tell you why we didn't have girlfriends back home." "Three simple words:" "women are morons." "Excuse me?" "Are you for real?" "He just said all women are morons and I'm included in that group." " I mean, you know what I mean." " He didn't mean you two." "And where do you get off saying something like that anyway?" "No, I'm trying not to piss you off, so forget it." "No, no, please." "Please, let's hear this." "Women wanna be treated like shit." "Thus the fact: they're morons." "Can you generalize a bit more?" "Listen, whether she's a supermodel, works at a daycare center... ugly, hot, it don't matter." "You all look for the guy that pisses you off... a guy you couldn't complain about try and fix." "Should I complain about men?" "Where should I be getting?" "First of all..." "You wanna know the number one complain..." "I hear about men from women?" ""He's too nice." That's considered a detriment." "Show me some girl can date any guy she wants:" "fifty bucks says she's with some asshole." "They don't want nice." "They want asshole." "Okay, let's just drop it 'cause you're pissing me off now." "Alright." "I'm a guy." "I'm the one suffering the injustice of it all." "You don't see guys saying..." ""Yeah, I broke up with this girl because she was too nice"." "I don't do anything shitty." "Guys break up with you 'cause you're too nice?" " No, I break up with them." " Oh, yeah?" "How come?" "Stanny, it's not in your job description." "You're right." "Would you like some sex?" "You have a way with words." "You should be a writer too." "Oh yeah, I'm gonna write a book." "It's called..." ""Men Are From Mars and Women Are Fucking Morons"!" "What?" "Bro, this is what they're really paying for, they want to hear abuse." "You should thank me." "All you can do is sit there." "You look like Mr. Compassionate next to me." "So, wait." "If all they want is abuse... and I'm the nice guy... does that make me the good one or the bad one?" "We're a team." "We're a team, brother." "My God." "Right there." "That was so good." "Don't stop." "While I'm down here can I ask you something?" "Well, okay." "Where the hell does the pee come out of this thing?" " No, don't stop what you're doing." " You want me to explain specifically..." "That's okay, later." "Fucking amazing view." "I could stand here for hours and just take it in." "Yeah, it's funny." "Never really come out here anymore." "I'm sorry if I offended you before." "I was just fucking around." "No, you weren't." "No, I guess I wasn't." "Actually, it's alright." "I'm writing and you're giving me a lot of good material." " What do you mean?" " I guess writing is... just putting down on paper what people say." "I forget sometimes how the male mind works." "It's good just to, you know, get it down." "I hope you're learning something." "Let's just say my characters are coming to life." "You must be a really great writer." "How do you know how good or bad I am?" "'Cause you got conviction, you know." "Not a lot of girls are like that." "When you talk about men or sex... you don't apologize, you don't hold back." "You just say shit." "You got something to say." "I love that." "I think it's time you got back to work." "That was amazing." "Don't be shy to tell someone what you like." "People miss out on great sex all the time... just because they're shy about it." "It's just communication." " You're secretly very smart." " I know." "Don't tell anyone." " No one would believe me anyway." " Okay." "So, there's gotta be something you've never done... something you swore you'd never do." " Yes, there is but I'm not gonna do it." " Well, why not?" "Is it something that your last few boyfriends wanted you to do... and you wouldn't?" "Oh, yeah." "Tell me, how come you write?" "I mean, you don't really have to do anything." "Why do you write stuff?" "I don't know." "I guess I should have some Byzantine, philosophical reason why, but... mostly I just like making things up." "It's fun." "Yeah, it probably is, huh?" "It's kind of like reading a great book or going to a great movie." "It's just this amazing escape." "Yeah, fuck reality." "I just drink more." " Okay, you just gotta relax." " Oh, my God." "No, no, no." "This isn't physically possible to..." "No, this can't fit." "What d'you mean?" "You've seen the size of my dick, right?" "Well, have you ever taken a poop that big?" "See?" "It's gotta fit then." "All you have to do is just relax a little bit." "So here we go, just relax." "Here, look." " My God!" "Did I just?" " What?" "Did you what?" " Just relax." " This is so fucking overrated." "This is the furthest thing from sexual I've ever done!" "No, no, I should go in." "I didn't get any sleep last night." "Alright." "Good night." "Good night." " I can't believe I did that." " My aunt Emily used to say..." ""You never know if you like something until you try it"." "Is she alone?" "I don't know." "Sounds like it." "Joe, maybe you should leave because I think... this whole thing's made Donna really uncomfortable." "Okay." "You know, Stanny's funny and everything, but he's so intense." "I don't know, I think sometimes he just needs to get over himself." " Don't do that, okay?" " Do what?" " Don't talk shit about my friend." " I wasn't talking shit." "I didn't..." "I was just saying that I..." "No, I'm serious." " Whatever." " I didn't mean to get you all defensive." "Wait." "Joe, gimme a break." "Joe, I didn't mean that." "I promise I didn't mean that in a nasty way." "You know how I said Stanny and I got kicked outta Concrete Union?" "Well, it was me that got kicked out." "It was for a stupid reason, and that's the point." "Stanny came with me to the hearing." "We had great jobs." "And he told the guys on the board, "That's bullshit"." "And if you're gonna kick me out, then might as well kick him out too"." "And they did?" "Yeah, well, Stanny didn't exactly say it so nicely." "But he wasn't mad." "We got shitcanned from a solid union job." "22 bucks an hour." "And he just said, "Fuck it." "Let's move to California"." "So we did." "We just have this understanding, wherever we go, we go together." "That's a good friend you have." "Yeah." " What time is it?" " Almost midnight." " How was your first lesson?" " Shut up." "What's that smile for?" "Did you get some too?" "Maybe." "To us." "Brother, we are the mack fucking daddies." "Man, it ain't easy." "This girl don't know the first thing about sex." "We could trade tomorrow if you want." "No." "She's a doll, I like her." "Besides..." "I'm helping her with something that's gonna make her whole life richer." "Yeah." "We're good fucking Samaritans, that's all." "Seriously." "Just like a sister I never had, just sweet." "Yeah, I wish I had a sister to instruct on proper ass fucking." "Hello?" " Anybody home?" " Hi, Damien." "What's new with you guys?" " How's the store going?" " Good." "How's the movie going?" "God pushed." "Man, all these studios waste a lot of money making good scripts lousy." "When are you gonna finish your script?" " I wanna read it." " It's getting there." "Just working in the second act." "It kinds of slows down." "Well, why don't you let me look at it, give you some notes?" "Hey, bro." "There's some dude in the house with them." "Who the fuck is that dick?" "You have to be more assertive." "You should've seen the rep I met today." "She was the most confident person I've ever met..." "This has nothing to do with confidence, okay?" "The script is not ready yet, okay?" "So I do not wanna show it to anybody until I'm happy with it." " Somebody's a little tense." " I am not tense, okay?" "I'm just..." "I do not appreciate my ex-boyfriend and my best friend... trying to tell me how to run my business, okay?" "We heard some yelling, so we came over." " We were arguing about nothing." " I'm Damien Radford." " Joe Santarella." " Yeah, I'm Stanny." "I'm renting the pool house out to them." "The pool hou?" "You mean the cabana?" " Yeah, they just got into town." " Cool." "I was just getting ready to go to bed, Damien." "Good night." "Gosh, actually, me too." "Hey, you guys play videogames?" " No." " Yeah." "Don't mention anything about your job here." "Why not?" "This whole thing with the boys is getting out of hand already." "This has nothing to do with Stanny and Joe." "Well, I've got all kinds of people tripping in and out of the house." " I'm talking about your career." " And... let's not bring that up in front of Damien, okay?" "Because I'm sick of him needling me about my work." "Okay." "Sorry." "But, you know, I..." "I was really nervous about opening my store, but I didn't have a choice." "And I think sometimes I'm lucky my family didn't have money... because I always had to put myself out there." "It's how I pay my bills." "What're you getting at?" "I just think sometimes your back's never up against the wall... so you never have to push hard to move forward." "Okay, and what about you?" "Isn't that rep supposed to be getting your stuff into stores over the world?" "Yeah." "But I can't afford to do that." "And if I had money like you, I would put up a show... and then I would have backers to start manufacturing." "Excuse me?" "What'd you mean if you had money like me?" "Exactly like I said." "If I had money to do the show, I would." "I just think you need to be a little more aggressive." "That's all." "Okay, I got it." "I've got money but no balls." "You've got balls but no money." "Shut the light off on your way out." "You almost got me there, sporty!" ""Sporty"." "That's funny." " How do you know the girls?" " Donna and I dated for like a year." "But, yeah, I stay friends with all my ex-girlfriends." "It's like Zen Buddhism thing." "Make you a business offer?" " Okay." " Look..." "I invest in all kinds of things." "Why don't I invest in your putting on a show?" "You put on a big fashion show." "You have a blowout party and... you're the next Donna Karan." "Donna, you've read me all wrong." "I wasn't trying to hit you up for a loan." "I know you weren't." "Look, Christi Ann, your store does well... and if that rep knows what she's talking about, then... it's not a favor." "It's a good investment." "Are you serious?" "Okay." "Yeah, let's do it." "But you have to promise me you'll finish that script... and start sending it out." "No more excuses." " Okay." " Okay." "Gee, this is crazy." "Why am I gonna show my new men's clothes?" "I just started making these." " They look great to me." " Thank you." "Alright, the word's out, lots of buzz." "All the critics are gonna be there... mostly because of the celebrities." "You know, I'm not sure who I hate more frankly." "Actually, no, that's not true." "I hate them all." "But I do love this dress." "Please tell me you're sleeping with him." " No, he's just an employee." " Put him on the runway." " Well, I don't know if I'm..." " No, you have to." "It'll be a fun surprise." "Think about it: hot new designer puts warehouse boy on catwalk." "It's brilliant." "It's a tease." "Leave them wanting more." "I gotta go." " This is the last box." " Will you do me a favor?" "Will you try this on?" "I wish I was as confident as you look." "Will you model this for me?" "Yeah, sure." "Why not?" "Thank God." "I need as many pillars of strength around me as possible." "Christi Ann, this looks fine." "Hey, come on now." "This is all good." "It's exciting!" "Look, no matter what the critical people say... might as well enjoy what's going on." "Come here." " You got brothers and sisters?" " Yeah." "I mean, I got a brother and I got a sister." " Older, younger?" " One's older, one's younger." "Why do people always ask this?" "I don't..." "Who cares about somebody's brothers and sisters?" " Do you talk to your parents a lot?" " No." "We got an understanding." "What kind of understanding?" "I left when I was 17." "I gave them one of these." "What's that?" "What does that mean?" "My mom and dad weren't very bright people." "Which would've been okay if they were nice..." "I mean, there's plenty of dumb but sweet people in the world." "But, I don't know, they were shitty too." "They were just mean people." " How were they mean?" " They just always said mean things." "You know, told me I was a fucking liar and a goddamned bullshiter." "I go to a therapist." "I've been going for three years actually and..." "I've learned that you have to move on, that you have to forgive them." "Right, yeah." "I mean, I forgive them." "Like I say, they weren't bright people." "They had me." "They didn't abort me." "I mean, they raised me, kind of a fucked up way to do it, but... maybe them being so harsh made me the way I am today... you know, like resilient?" "Gotta thank them for that, huh?" "Yeah, so whatever." "That's why I gave them one of these." "'Cause what it means is... you did your best to love me." "I did my best to love you back." "We just reached a point where there's nothing left to say, so good luck." " I like how you explain things." "You ever thought about writing?" " Me?" " Seriously." " Come on!" " Seriously." "Seriously." "You definitely have a way with words." "I think you should write stuff down, you know?" "Not to... not to be rich or famous or anything, but to... to express yourself." "I'm gonna get you a notebook and a pen." "Just try it." "Just jot stuff down." "Okay, yeah." "Good luck with the show." "We can't wait to see it." "Thank you." "See you on the front row!" "Thanks." ""See you on the front row"?" "How ass-kissy was that?" "Honey, you don't even need to be kissing her ass." "She's just a manufacturer." "I gotta go." " Thanks for coming." " Sure." "You know, I think you're making me addicted to sex." "Thanks." "And, you know, I've never... given a blowjob to a guy in a car." "I'm just gonna..." "I just wanna..." "You've gotten really good at that." "When you're through with that can you please call the silk place back... and tell them that you're repped by me?" "They'll knock off 20/º." "Where is everybody?" "Joe's helping out Christi Ann at her store." "Good." "Did you get any writing done today?" " Yeah, yeah, no, it's really cool." " So what you writing about?" "Never mind." "Just keep getting it down on paper." "Okay." "Had the printer print up like 100 copies of my script today." "Getting ready to send it out to agents." " Great." " Tell you what... when you're ready to take a break, why don't you come inside?" "Okay." "I will." "I'm sorry!" "I know, I'm a bad little slut and you're the big strong man!" "That's right." "I'm not done fucking you." "I'm gonna fuck you harder and you're gonna like it." "Oh, no, no!" "Don't punish me!" "Hey!" " Baby, I can't do this anymore." " Why?" "What's wrong?" "This... this whole routine of me holding you down and... your begging me to stop... it's fucking weird, I don't know." "It's just..." "Well, you seemed to enjoy it just fine every day for the past three weeks." "I know." "Look, at first I did." "It's just lately..." "It's 'cause I care about you, and I don't wanna do that to somebody I care about." " Look, we're just playing." "Come on." "I mean, we're just..." "Why are we even having this conversation?" "You have a simple job, Stanny." "Are you telling me that you can't fulfill it?" "Because, you know what?" "There are a lot of guys in this city that would be more than happy... to do this without complaining." "Are you fucking kidding me?" "Is that all that I am to you?" "I think you'd better take the blindfold off now." "I'm such a fucking idiot." "I'm an asshole." "I mean, I was like ready to tell..." "What?" "I think I'm falling in love with you." "Okay." "Can you untie me, please?" "I think you and Joe need to move out." "Joe, get up." "We gotta go." "Seriously." "I'm not fucking around, man." "Pack your shit." "Stanny, what did you do?" "I didn't do anything shitty." "I stopped being shitty." "Figure that one out." "Come on, we got a pretty good deal going on here, man." "How long did you think this was gonna last, you know, seriously?" "Okay, it's been a fun month or two, but... we milked this for as much as we could." "The milk's gone sour." "What did you?" "Joe, what the hell's going on?" " We're leaving." " Hold on!" " Did you get in a fight with Donna?" " What the fuck you think?" "I guess we're gonna go and try and find our own place." "No, I don't want you to go." "I don't want either one of you to go." "Well, you don't always get what you want." " Take care." " Wait!" "Wait!" "Hold on one minute!" "Hold on." " Donna, what's going on?" " I guess they're leaving." "And you're just gonna sit there?" "Yeah, what am I supposed to be doing?" "What happened?" "It was just getting too I don't know, too weird." " Too weird?" "Why is it that every time you like a guy things get too weird?" " Who says I like the guy?" " You're full of shit." "And I don't have time to sit here and listen to you lie to yourself... because they're leaving!" "What do you wanna do?" " Well, Joe doesn't have to go." " Joe goes wherever Stanny goes!" "And I'm not about to let him do that because you got this thing about..." "What?" "This thing about what?" "I don't know, but you've got this thing!" "And... if you look at me and tell me that you don't like the guy... fine, I'll say goodbye to both of them." "Tell me what happened." "He said he thought he was falling in love with me." "Okay." "Well... the guy who loves you is walking out the door right now." "Is that what you want?" "Let's get out of here." "This is friggin' humiliating." "She asked us to wait a minute, so we're gonna wait." " It's been over a minute." "Let's go." " It's an expression, Stanny." "Okay?" "It's like "hold on a sec"." "It's more than a second." "Okay, it's a stupid fucking expression then." "Just... don't ask me to say it to you 'cause I can't, Stanny." "I'm sorry." " I just can't say it to you." " Just... just let me love you." "I was close." "It's alright." "I'm sorry." "My mind's just on the fashion show." "Don't be sorry." "Joe, how come you never slept in my bed?" "You never asked me to." "Well, will you sleep here with me?" "I mean... just for the next two nights until the fashion show." "Well... sure, girl." "Be happy to." " What about the cuteness?" " What about the dumbness?" " You're dumb." " No, you're dumb." " What about the sweetness?" " Guys, do it in private!" "Jeez!" "You guys, really." "Why don't you just give each other hickies?" "You have rug burns on your elbows." "You broke your nails scratching his back!" "I chipped my tooth last week... 'cause we were doing it doggy style... and she friggin' jerks her head back right into my jaw." "You did!" "My God, Christi Ann!" "Remember back in college... when I was giving a blowjob to that guy... that would not take the beret off?" "My God. the bathroom is in-between our two bedrooms... which is right next to this little tiny living room." "So I'm ready to come out and spit... and there's like ten people in the goddamned living room." "So I come out and my mouth's like this 'caused it's all full of his cum." "And I come out and everybody starts laughing." "And then I start to laugh... and then everyone's jumping back out of the way... 'cause they're like terrified I'm gonna spit up right there on the carpet." "So I got running into the bathroom and I spit out and..." "I get a standing ovation." "That's disgusting." "Ew!" "Honey, you know what I was just thinking?" " How adorable you are?" " No, I think pretty highly on myself... but I ain't best described as adorable." "No, I was thinking about how we first met and all." "It's funny, I used to be so choosey." "Like every girl I dates had to have a perfect ass." "Joe and I used to argue about it all the time." "If the girl had like a big square man ass... forget it." "I couldn't do it." "And it's funny when I met you..." "I was like, "This chick is hot-looking, but what does her ass look like?" "So we get naked and we start fucking..." "And I'm like, "Wow, this chick has a big ass!" "But I'm diggin' it." "It's great." It's like you converted me." "Now I'm like all the black and Puerto Rican guys I used to give shit to... 'cause they always went for the big booty." "I love big asses now." "It's weird how like your taste could change like that." "How about how adorable you are?" "Don't fuckin' touch me." "I cannot believe you just told me I was fat." "I didn't say you were fat!" "I said I love you no matter what your body looks like." "Another sacrifice to the beer gods." "Man, Donna's making me insane." "Yep." "Well, you're in love with her." "Yeah." "Still, she's got some mental problems." "Women just have more emotions than we do." "And they don't think of all the things they're thinking as mental problems." "That's just their daily way of thinking." "And he repeats himself." "I think he's borderline schizophrenic." "We argue and I explain to him how he's being ridiculous." "He admits it." "He apologizes for it and then he does it again the very next day!" "Well, what're you arguing about?" "It just depends on what you're fighting about." "It has nothing to do with what you were fighting about." "She always gives me this psycho-friggin'-logical bullshit..." "I ain't in touch with my feelings." "After about an hour of yelling, I just say, "Yeah, whatever." "You're right"." "And then the next day we have the same argument like a bad rerun!" "You're lucky." "Joe seems a lot more sensitive." " He tries." " Yeah, he tries." "Bro, just make it look like you're trying." "Don't say nothing." "At most just say, "I wish I was more aware like you guys." " But I'm still learning"." " He says that?" "That is so sweet!" "And Stanny can be so great." "I mean, he really can." "And that's why it kills me to get rejected like that." "What does she expect me to say?" "I feel like saying to her..." ""All those years shoveling concrete I had a lot of shitty days." "Would've been really nice to just lay on a couch on a doctor's office... and talk about my feelings"." "It ain't fair!" "I worked so hard to get to this point." "My therapist is so proud of my progress." "But this whole relationship is putting me in a tailspin." "You're not thinking of breaking up with him, are you?" "No!" "Well, thinking about it but no, I mean... we've come this far and we should try and get through this." "You ever cry in front of her?" "No." "You don't cry ever, do you?" "No." "You ever cry in front of Donna?" "Yeah, I suppose." "This once." "And he cries." " Really?" " He cries a lot, actually." "And more and more lately." "Joe doesn't cry in front of you, huh?" "Well, no." "Just take it in a notch, Stanny." "I know you, man, you don't let shit go." " This chick could turn on you." " No." "You kidding me?" "This chick is crazy about me." "You really love her, don't you?" "Joe, I never loved nothing like I love that girl." "Joe is... he'll open up." "He's the type of guy who grows on you." "He's somebody you fall in love with slowly." "Love him like a friend." "You don't say "I love you" to each other?" " No!" "You don't say that to friends." " Yes, you do." "We do." " I mean, you know I love you." " I love you too!" " But guys don't say that as friends." " You're right." " Joe, I fucking love you, man." " I love you too, bro." "Christi Ann... you gotta relax." "I want you to know something, okay?" "Sex isn't about... talking dirty or... some silly new position." "It's about trust." "Do you trust me?" "It's tender... soft." "I'm gonna kiss you delicately." "If it makes sense, give it back." "This is going to be a great show." "Yeah, it is." " You're amazing." "Okay." " Thank you." "This is insane!" "I think you're gonna get backers." "I've gotten so many cards I can't even keep track!" "That's awesome." " Do you know that guy over there?" " Mark." "He's like, "Come to Europe." "You know... the fashion season's just starting"." "Like, he told me I could be making a couple grand a day just doing this." " Is he like for real or what?" " Well, he owns a modeling agency." " He's for real." " It was nice for him to say it and all... but I don't know if he meant it, you know?" "Christi Ann." "I want you to meet Arthur." "He's an editor from Vogue Magazine." "Love your show, very elegant." "Nikki, you don't care about fashion." "You're just here for the party afterwards." "How can you blame me?" "You always seem to have... the most entertaining guests." "I'm sure he's already told you ladies... but Nikki sold his first screenplay last year." "And now he's in production on his next film." "Congratulations." "Of course when I sell one of my scripts..." "I'm gonna have to surround myself with a bevy of beautiful men... which I'll have to secretly blow because I have a boyfriend." "You know... you always have to talk about cock and fucking and it's really disgusting." "Excuse us." "I am trying to host a party here so back the fuck off." "Okay, can you not embarrass me, please?" "Can not talk like that in front of me?" "Stop smoking that thing in my face." "I smoke wherever I want." "How do you like that?" "You're drunk." "You're such an ass." " Stanny, you won't believe this shit." " I've figured it out." "Relationships... it's all about control." "If you're in control you don't get hurt." "'Cause everyone's afraid of getting hurt." "I gotta tell you what this guy was saying to me." "You know what?" "These girls, they just own us." "It was never about sex." "It was about... being able to give us shit and we couldn't give shit back." "I know Donna can be shitty at times but Christi Ann..." "Yeah, yeah, she's more subtle at it." "You don't even realize you got a leash around your neck." "You know what?" "You ain't always right, Stanny." "You ain't always right about shit and you're wrong about that girl." "Yeah, right." "You're falling all over these phony who wants to be a high-class designer." " Why do always do this?" "Why is that every time I like a girl... you say she's no good 'cause of something?" "You say it like she's trying to split you and me up or something." "You know what?" " I think it's the other way around." " You really think... that that girl considers you her equal?" "Brother, that girl considers herself above you." "I'm just saving you from a painful fall!" "My girlfriend's got me buying every goddamned thing here." "That's wonderful!" "Or maybe not." "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her." "I'm blowing cash on that dress, this skirt..." "Don't even listen to him." " He can afford it." "He's a lawyer." " Lawyer my ass." "She's got one hand in my pants, one hand in my goddamned wallet." " Your illustrious model." " He's not really a model." "He's actually my personal cabana boy." "Come with me right now." "That's exactly what I'm talking about." "Great." "Okay, talk to you later." "Don't be showing up at my girlfriend's house." "You guys are boyfriend and girlfriend now?" " That's cool." " Yeah." "So maybe you don't need to be stopping by here anymore." "Christi Ann invited me." "You wanna push it?" "We'll settle this old school." "What?" "We're gonna break dance?" "Look, shit." "I forgot to tell you about him." "Tell him about me what?" "I'm standing right fucking here." "Don't talk about me like I'm a piece of friggin' wood." "Easy, fella, you don't gotta..." ""Easy, fella"?" "Do I look like a fucking horse to you?" "Do I have fucking hooves?" "Don't fucking say "easy fella" to me!" "Did you say the word "fuck" enough in that sentence?" "No, let me add a few more." "Fuck you." "And fuck you too!" "Let's just all cool out." " Stanny!" " Wanna try to grab me again, fucker?" " Easy, fella, just..." " Quit saying "easy fella" to me!" " Just chill the fuck out!" " Stanny!" " Don't you lay a hand on me!" " I'm not gonna lay a hand on you." "Didn't even lay a hand on him." "I knocked him on his ass with my elbow." "Stanny, get in the goddamned house." "And, Damien, you can go!" " I hope you're proud of yourself." " I hope you're proud of yourself... using that stupid fuck to get a reaction out of me." "Yeah, go ahead, keep fooling yourself." "At least you're fooling somebody." " Joe, I'm gonna cum..." " You motherfuckin' shit!" "Thank you, Joe." "Was that good?" "Was that good, Joe?" "Do you want me to get you a towel?" "Just fucking listen to me, alright?" "You realize what you do to me?" "You insist that I throw you down and treat you like a cheap whore... 'cause it's the only way you can get off." "Then in daily life if I show any form of aggression... or jealousy, you freak the fuck out." "Do you know how confusing it is to be in a relationship with you?" " What we do in the bedroom... and what we do in our relationship out in the real world... those are two goddamned different things, Stanny." "So just as long as we do everything the way you want on your terms... then we'll be fine." "Why do you have to be so combative with me?" "I'm not the combative one, okay?" "This is what you do." "It's not funny." "You pick fights with me and then you yell at me for fighting!" "I'm not the one who's fucking yelling here, okay, buddy?" "You instigate me to do shit." "Then when I do you get to point out how fucked up I am." "'Cause you're so pathetically afraid I might realize how fucked up you are." "Oh, I'm the fucked up one?" "I'm the fucked up one?" "Honey, I gotta fucking hold you down and call you a whore for you to cum... and you say I got self-esteem issues?" "You know what?" "Fuck this and fuck you... because I am not gonna do this with you, fucking asshole!" " I am through!" " Be a fucking rich bitch crybaby." "It doesn't affect me anymore 'cause I'm done back-peddling just so..." "I don't notice what a goddamned psycho you are." "You're a head case." "I am not the fucked up one." "I am not the psycho, okay?" "I'm not the one that's hit people." "You should be in goddamned therapy!" "You're the one who's fucked up, just like your goddamned parents." " You're just like them!" " Well, I don't have the luxury... of your rich parents to pay for your goddamned therapist, alright?" "And you know what?" "All that money you waste on that bullshit..." "I'll solve your problem right now in three words: eat less food!" "You're a fucking asshole, you know what?" "You're a fucking asshole." "And I loved you." "I did." "I loved you." "I don't know why." "I don't know why I did!" "I was stupid!" "I was really dumb!" "I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry I did this to us!" "I did it and I'm sorry!" "You gotta go!" " Here we go again." " No, it's for real this time, bro." " What happened?" " I stopped thinking with my dick." "No, I take that back." "I stopped thinking with my wallet." "You think if I had a job I'd be putting up with that bullshit?" "I just wanted to sleep late." "I've been working hard my whole life and I wanted a break." "We got a break." "Now what?" "Now what?" "I'll get myself a job tending bar at night... write during the day..." "I'm gonna be a starving artist." "Look, you don't gotta come with me, alright?" "Stay here." "This works for you." "Doesn't work for me." "Stanny, just calm down." "Just sleep over it." "Maybe you'll feel different about it in the morning." "I ain't gonna feel any different about it tomorrow, Joe." "Where the fuck are you gonna go at three a. m?" "Bro, just go back to the party." "Go have fun, alright?" "Don't worry about me." "Just try and get some sleep, alright?" "So..." "I think I'm gonna take that guy up on that offer." "What guy?" "That agent guy." "He... said he'd get me a plane ticket and that his... agency has some sort of a deal with a... hotel in..." "Milan." "It's in Europe." "I leave tomorrow." " The fashion season starts soon so..." " I know when the season starts." "It's kinda cool though, right?" "I mean, never been to Europe." "Shit, I've never been anywhere." "How am I ever gonna repay you for this?" "I think it's a great opportunity." " Christi Ann." " Hi!" " Hi." "These are my friends." "Justin." " Justin." " And this is Carlos." " Hi." "How you doing?" " Thanks for the invitation..." " Yeah." "...for your party." " It was fantastic." "The show..." " So you'll be back in four months?" " Yeah, when the season ends." "Well, good luck." "You too." "Well, at least your show was a big hit." "And to think I didn't want to go to California with you." " Wherever we go, we go together." " Yeah." "This is gonna be a tough act to follow, though." "But I bet there's all kinds of different countries and shit in Europe." "Man, my best friend's gonna be a friggin' supermodel." "We're gonna be balls deep in ass over there." "Wow what a summer." " Tell me about it." "Goddamn it, I smoke too much pot." "I'm sorry that it didn't work out with Stanny." "Yeah." "I'm sorry too." "Guess it's just you and me again, kiddo." "They sure were funny." "Yeah." "You said we'd look back on this and laugh." "We're crazy, aren't we?" "Yeah." "But we're damned great at it." "My God!" " You're gonna miss her, ain't you?" " You're gonna miss Christi Ann?" "Joe... look, I'm starting to like this LA thing... like writing movies and..." "I don't know if I'd like Europe all that much." " Bro, you gotta come with me." " No." "This writing thing, I gotta do it." "Well, I don't wanna go over there all by myself." "I don't think you really want to go there in the first place." "Look, I gotta leave that house, but you don't." "And what I said about you and Christi Ann last night, I was wrong." "I mean, thank God girls bitch at us:" "make you dress better, motivate you." "I ain't the expert on relationships obviously, but I know this:" "you don't wanna leave your girl." " Did you love Donna?" " Despite how much I hated her..." "I always will." "You think I'm in love?" "Do you think you are?" "Me and you ain't breaking up." "Go on, get out of here." "You wouldn't kick me out or nothing if I told you I loved you, would you?" "I love you too." "So it's kind of a happy ending, for Joe and Christi Ann anyways." "Don't worry about me and Donna." "You know real life, it ain't like the movies." "Life is just a bunch of stories you go through... and they all end sooner or later." "But it's okay." "I'm gonna go find my next story." "Hope you do the same."