"Te lo digo, Wyatt Esto no me gusta nada." " ¿Podemos comer, por favor?" " Creamos a Lisa para servirnos." "Esto es algo que quiero-- algo importante para mí, algo de lo que puedo aprender." "¿Acaso estoy mal?" "Déjalo, Gary." "Lisa no se va a acostar contigo-- ni hoy, ni maña..." "¿Qué?" "esa es tu mirada radar." "¿Qué estás mirando?" "Hay una chica nueva en el comedor que te está mirando." " ¿Dónde?" "¿Dónde?" " 12:00 en punto." "Vestido floreado y panties azules." "¿Quién es ella?" "No lo sé, pero es bonita y no te ha sacado la vista de encima." "Esa es la luz verde en el semáforo del amor." "Deséame suerte." "Hola." "¿Te importa si me siento aquí?" "No." "Adelante." " Gary Wallace." " Amy Cutler." "¿Qué estudias?" "Trigonometría avanzada." "¿Eres bueno en esto?" "¿Trigo avanzada?" "Estoy un poco oxidado, pero qué diablos" "Uh, problema numero tres." "No lo entiendo." "Okay." "Este es fácil." "Tienes que empezar por este número..." " Ése es el número de página." " ¡Bien!" "¡Genial!" "Ahora, mantén ese número en tu cabeza y vé al final del libro...encuentra ése número y ahí está tu respuesta." "Gracias, pero eso es trampa." "Yo lo llamo "Solución creativa de Problema"" " ¿Está tomando trigo avanzada?" " Es linda, ¿y está tomando trigo avanzada?" "Me atrapó con la guardia baja." "¿Quién hace tareas a la hora de almuerzo?" "Debí verlo venir." "Yo no dejaría que eso me preocupara." "Sólo porque ella es más lista..." "Yo soy listo." "Soy listo en el cerebro a la derecha..." "¿o es a la izquierda?" "¿Cuál lado sabe mirar al final del libro?" " Derecho." " Ése soy yo." "Amy es mi destino." "También es mi único prospecto, y no lo arruinaré." "Sólo necesito subir mi C I cerca de un millón de puntos." "Sí." "Éso es difícil." "No." "No, no, no, no." " ¡No Lisa!" " Sí Lisa." "Ella es peligrosa." "Relájate." "Las probabilidades dicen que saldremos vivos de ésta." "Vamos, llegaremos tarde a la elección de salvavidas." "¿Qué piensan?" "Muy revelador?" "Chicos." "Pestañeen." "Respiren." "Hagan algo." "Sí." "Muy revelador." " Entonces ¿Qué me trae ante ustedes hoy?" " Amy Cutler." "Ha estado mirando a Gary." "Sabemos que me me observa desde lejos." "Es lo mejor que me ha pasado hasta ahora." "Debemos averiguar los gustos de Amy." "Estamos seguros que a Amy le gustan los tipos listos." "Ella es un cerebrito." "Necesito un cerebro, un cerebro más grande" " Un Cerebro tipo Einstein." " Así que ése es tu deseo." " Ten cuidado cómo lo pides." " Eso." "No quiero ser Einstein así que no pongas su cabeza en mi cuerpo o vice-versa." "Sólo quiero la mente de Albert Einstein." " La tienes." "¿Qué demonios es esto?" "El cerebro de Einstein, como lo pediste" "Esto no me va a ayudar a obtener una cita." "Esto es un cerebro,un cerebro muerto, en escabeche." "Disculpen, pero no creo que yo esté muerto." "Es de verdad, Gary." "El cerebro de Einstein, como lo pediste." "Volvamos a la parte nuevamente donde me das exactamente lo que NO pedí." " Pediste el cerebro de Einstein." " Tú sabías lo que quería." "Deliberadamente lo echaste a perder." "Ella está de tu lado" "¿Hola?" " Dr. Einstein?" " Ja." "Puedo oírte" "Pero no entiendo siquiera donde estoy" "No se lo voy a decir." "Em, son los '90s, Profesor, y, eh, su cerebro ha sido vuelto a la vida y, eh, removido de su cuerpo." "Increíble. ¿Cómo me puedo comunicar contigo?" "Puedo hablar, pero no poseo ningún tipo de fisicalización vocal." "Confía en mí, Al." "Muy complejo." "No lo entenderías." "El punto es que Lisa te trajo para que me ayudes con una nena, verás..." "Gary, éste es Albert Einstein, no Pauly Shore." "A ver si entendí.." "Reanimaron mi cerebro sacado de un abismo dimensional y lo dejan acá 40 años en el futuro, ¿sólo para que les ayude a impresionar chicas?" " Sip." " ¿No es linda?" "No lo queremos utilizar, Profesor así que si usted quiere" " regresar, sólo dígalo." " ¿Regresar?" "¿Antes de tener una charla con Lisa, quien manipula el tiempo y el espacio?" "No, gracias." "Yo me quedo." "Sería un honor de hablar con usted, doctor." "Por favor, llámeme Albert." "¿Un cubo de pollo?" "¿Pusiste el cerebro de Einstein en un cubo de pollo?" "No encontré mi lonchera de Scooby Doo." "Relájate, él no sabe dónde está." "¿Porqué siento sabor a repollo?" "No te preocupes." "Prepárate a decir algo inteligente." " ¿Tu almuerzo?" " ¿Qué?" "Ah, sí." "Estoy probando la dieta especial del Coronel." "Dale." " ¿En qué estás trabajando?" " Un experimento de laboratorio." "Estoy midiendo la velocidad de las ondas del sonido a través de un medio gelatinoso." "Y este medio gelatinoso, ¿tiene trocitos de fruta?" "Sólo bromeaba." "¿Captaste?" "Prueba con 6.38 metros por segundo." "creo que son 6.38 metros por segundo." "You're getting pretty handy with the back of the book there." "I didn't check the back of the book for that one." "Yeah." "Right." "We're doing great." "Let's close the deal." "Give me some genius romance stuff." "ALBERT:" "Gary, expressions of love are personal." "My feelings and how I express them and different..." "Quit stalling, Brainiac, and give me something!" "ALBERT:" "Tell her, her hair glistens like the morning mist off the rhine." "Your hair, it glistens like the morning mist off the rhine." "What?" "ALBERT:" "Maybe she would like to join you for an evening stroll along the boulevard." "Would you like to go an evening stroll with me sometime?" "ALBERT:" "There is a pastry shop in Leipzig that makes the most delicate strudel this side of Stuttgart." "There's this pastry shop in Leipzig..." "Do you like Strudel?" "I've tried using the brain." "I even tried the romantic stuff." "I need a whole new strategy." "Why do you talk about her like she's some deer you're hunting?" "Because this is a hunt?" "We're hunting each other in a savage game of sexual attraction and she is a beautiful, wild deer with big brown eyes and a shiny coat." " Her eyes are blue." " Blue, brown, whatever." "You can't just walk around!" "My parents..." "Don't worry." "I sent them to a parrallel dimension." "Just kidding." "They're at the mall." "You know, Gary, Albert and I feel sort of bad that things didn't work out with Amy." " We still want to help." " If only I knew what she liked in a guy." "Perhaps Lisa could help you see through her eyes." " Without actually having her eyes." " Then that's it." "You'll see through her eyes." "See what turns her on." "TV:" "You don't miss your mother and father one bit." " Maury Povich turns her on?" " No." "I get it." "It shows you what she's looking at." "She's watching TV." "Oh." "Well, that's a big help." "No, no, it's great." "You can see what she's intro." "Then when you ask her out you'll be sensitive to her." "It's got to work." "You think so?" "WYATT:" "She likes Sloppy Joes." "I like Sloppy Joes." "She's reading Time Magazine." "My parents get Time Magazine." " She's looking right at you!" " Quick, I got to look cool." " Laugh when I finish this sentence." " I'm done." "( Laughs )" "She's thinks I'm hilarious." "Now get out of here." "We look like we joined at the hip." "( Laughing )" "The frosting... the candles..." "somebody's name..." " a birthday cake?" " Right!" "Okay..." "Uh, a rainy day... a lost puppy..." "leaving home..." " Things that make you cry?" " A lost puppy..." "Casablanca!" " Ah!" "Things that are sad." " Yes!" " We make a great team, Albert." " Ja, I agree." "Except that you have an unfair advantage over me." "I have no conception of your appearance." "Oh, well, actually, I'm kind of plain." "Average-looking." "Nothing special." "It doesn't matter." "I like you for who you are," " not what you look like." " Thank you." "I feel the same way about you." "Amy, you are one smart woman with extremely good taste." "Wyatt?" "She likes Wyatt!" "Wyatt Donnelly Farber High's newest dream hunk-- babe magnet extraordinaire." "I don't get it." "What popped your clutch, Amy-- his many nervous ticks?" "Those contoured yet spongy buttocks?" " How's Amy-vision?" " It, she, and you suck." "I'm sorry." "I must have missed something." " She likes you." " Who does?" ""Who does?" Amy." "Amy likes you." "Gary, get real." "She's cute, she's smart, she's popular." "I know my limitations." "Well, she doesn't." "She's been staring at you the whole time not me." "Look." "Wow!" "She is smiling at me!" " I don't believe this!" " I know." " It sucks." " I'm sorry, Gary." "Now we know what kind of guy she likes-- you." "I'm a gentleman, you're my friend." "There's only one thing to do." "Wearing my clothes won't make any like you better." "And you're stretching my sweater." "You'd think after the day I've had you'd be more supportive." "This is ridiculous." "Wyatt's right, Gary." "Blue makes you look heavy." "Try an autumn color-- maybe olive or brown." "Rook to Knight seven." "Let Wyatt have a chance with her, Gary." "When time and space conspire to bring two people together there's not much you can do." "Knight takes rook." "Check." "Thanks for the fortune cookie but I have had enough of your advice." "ALBERT:" "You are not being very fair." "I may not be fair, but at least I have a skull you freak show." "Time out." "Maybe Albert has a point here." "If Amy's been flirting with Wyatt all this time maybe he should ask her out." "If only it were that simple." "You see, Wyatt and I are subject to an ancient code of male conduct." "He called dibs." "Gary, if you're still going to pursue this Amy perhaps the best approach is just to be yourself." "Another brilliant theory by Albert Einstein." ""Just be yourself."" "Well, I couldn't get a date being myself any sooner than you could travel the speed of light." "Two for two, Al." "But keep cranking out those theories." "Gary, you might as well face the fact that Wyatt's the one with the chance here but he's going to need your help." "Are you going to be a friend or a jerk?" "Bishop takes rock." "Checkmate in four." "ALBERT:" "Auch du lieber!" "I'm sorry." "Is my shattered love life getting in the way of your chess game?" "Come on, Albert." "I didn't reanimate your dead and lifeless tissue to watch you be insulted." "( Door Closing )" "Okay, ask her out." "Don't worry about Gary." "Gary will be just fine." " I don't know what to say?" " You don't have to say anything." "Gary is a survivor." "And Gary can do..." "No." "I mean to Amy." "What do I say to Amy?" "Look, try and keep focused here." "We're worried about me and how I'm going to heal." "What if she say no?" "I can't do it." "You can, you must, you will." "I'm sorry, Gary was so mean to you." "He's been under a lot of stress." "No." "Perhaps he's right." "I'm afraid I let him down." "Who am I to advise in matters of the heart?" "Your advice was good." "Gary's just... well, horny." "I find you very romantic, Albert." "I can't think of any other brain in a jar with whom I'd rather share a picnic." "Thank you." "If I had lips, I could kiss you." "More brite?" "( Moans )" "Dr Einstein?" "Are you awake?" "Lisa..." "Lisa, Mein leipshien." " Uh, no, it's me, Wyatt." " Yes, Wyatt." "Is something wrong?" "I can't sleep." "I keep worrying about Amy." "What if she turns me down?" "I guess I'm kind of scared." "And well you should be." "I may have conquered the riddles of the universe but the rejection of a beautiful woman still scares me." "Wonderful." "If the greatest mind all time can't deal with women" " what chance have I got?" " Don't be discouraged." "I can tell you a secret that works for me." " Want to hear?" " Sure." "The universe is a vast expanding furnace of matter and energy." "Relative to this, you are inifinitely small and insignificant your action-- ultimately meaningless." "The universe is still going to expand." "Nothing you do will charge that." "You're still going to die." " So, does that help?" " You are... the Albert Einstein, right?" "Theory of relativity?" "E = MC squared." "That's me." "Ja." "Mm-hmm." "Nothing to worry about." "I have confidence in you." "Then why are you making me wear this earpiece?" "Why?" "'Cause you admit it yourself-- around women you're a quivering, boneless chicken." " I didn't say that." " Well, not in so many words." "Look, relax." "We know she likes you." "Just walk up to her." "Let me worry about the words." "I'm going home." "Oh, no." "I finally got over the fact that she likes you better than me." "So I want to see you do this 'cause it's kind of like you're doing it for the both of us." "But only I get to kiss her, right?" "We'll iron out the details later." "GARY:" "You hearing me okay?" "You're doing fine." "Keep going." "What's with your butt?" "Loosen up." "Swing a little." "Too much!" "Too much!" "Okay." "She sees you." "GARY:" "Stop staring at her." "Look at something else." "You don't care." "You're carefree." "Slow down." "You're almost there." "Okay, now you'll come to a stop and you'll learn casually next to her and you'll say..." ""Hi." "My name's Wyatt."" " Hi, Wyatt." " Hi." "My name is Wyatt." "Wrong!" "Uh, backup plan." "Uh, it was a joke." "Laugh." " ( Dry laughter )" " Wyatt?" "GARY:" "Stop laughing." "You look like an idiot." "Ask her where she's from." "Ask her!" "What are you waiting for?" "Say something." "Say, "Where are you from?"" "Where from?" "It's a lost cause." "Pull out, Wy." "Pull out." "ALBERT:" "You're dying here, Wyatt." "You're dying!" "WYATT:" "I'm dying..." "I'm dying..." "of course!" "Einstein was right!" "The universe is huge, and I'm insignificant." "Nothing I do matters." "So what if she turns me down?" "Wyatt, are you okay?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm fine." "Amy, would you like to go out with me sometime?" "I don't know." "I'd like to but you're a lot weirder than I thought." " And that's a bad thing?" " I'm not sure yet." "It's going great." "GARY:" "Okay now, take a deep breath and on three we're going to take her hand real slow." "Hold hands... one, two..." "Whoa!" "You're ahead of me, but that's good." "I knew we could do this." "Okay. "What former sweathog played the lead in saturday night fever?"" "ALBERT:" "Marlene Deitrich?" "I don't know." "I hate this game." "Is that your answer?" "'Cause you wrong." "ALBERT:" "I'm suddenly feeling a bit woozy." "You're probably being pulled back to where you belong." "Our time together is growing short." "I really enjoyed our talks, Albert." "ALBERT:" "I would trade a thousand words to touch your hand just once." "( Horn Honks )" "GARY:" "Great." "Your brother's home." "Hmm." "I think I can arrange that." " Uh-oh." " ( Waltz Playing )" "ALBERT VOICE:" "You are beautiful look at as you are to talk to." " I'll miss you, Albert." " And I you, Lisa." "Und dip." "CHETT VOICE:" "Hey, whoever turned out the lights is going to pay for this." "You listening, barf bucket?" "I'm going to kick your gangly little butt from here to Taiwan!" "Captioned by Grantman Brown"