"Based on a novel by Kari Hotakainen" "THE CLASSIC" "It all began when I saw a yellow Toyota Corolla - leave black tire marks in front of the kiosk." "Actually, it all began when editor Veisterä asked me to see him." "Now that you've resigned your post in our advertising department " "I thought you might have plenty of time - to work on the series The Voice of Humanity." "The series has developed during the last few years, quite by chance." "First, it was just a few intimate novels, but soon we realized - that it had become a literary genre - that was selling extraordinarily well." "Autobiographies and diary-type works written by authors - and other public figures seemed to interest our readers enormously." "We decided to develop the series further - and now all our writers, including you - who are acclaimed by critics but who don't sell too well - must participate our common effort - to satisfy the apparently insatiable curiosity of the public." "So, for the next few years, no one in this house will write - any confusing or associative prose or prosaic poetry - or novels with a fictitious principal character." "All of you must write an open and intimate personal novel - or a book in the form of diary." "This applies also to you - as I'm sure you'll understand." "So, now that we've settled the official business - let's have a glass of cognac, shall we?" "Goddammit!" "I'd been working for years to become an introvert - in order to obtain the credibility and creativity of a serious author - and now I'm to reveal my inner self to any stranger." "At first, I sank into despair." "Then I got an idea:" "All I had to do is get into a manic state of mind somehow." "It would enable me to write - about all the unbearable destinies in my life, embarrassing incidents - nocturnal doings, drinking sprees, conspiracies, deceits - divorces, emigrations, births..." "All that shapeless mass that intimate literature is all about!" "How could I ever obtain that state of mind?" "Then it occurred to me:" "I needed to change my spiritual world, completely!" "I decided to change it to the world of cars." "I had often reacted to the various phases of my personal growth - by getting a new car." "This domain was not unfamiliar to me." "I concentrated on firms selling used cars, because they lie so well." "You can say anything about a used car." "There's no harm in that." "A used car has a story of its own." "Someone has driven it - smoked in it and made a trip in it that should never have been made - and its back seat has stains that no one takes responsibility for." "The salesman only talks about the present." "It's up to you to find out about the past." "I wasn't looking for a car for someone - who knows his place in this world and who can take it in calmly - and who uses the condom without being asked to." "This time, I was looking for a car that would take me straight to hell." "I was looking for a vision!" "Hello." "Give us a pack of red Marlboro, will you?" "Dole-earning loudmouth, Pertti "Pera" Kiilopää." "Twenty-something." "The blood of a rogue runs in his veins, thick and unchallenged." "His future is as open as the door of a hot sauna giving onto a lake - and he couldn't care less." "Pera showed me the way." "And I hopped in." "Kartio." " Kiilopää, Pertti." "So you need a car for the little wife?" " There's no "little wife" - and it's not a "car" I need but a good set of wheels." "No offence." "Let's go in, I'm sure we can find you some wheels." "Mileage: 62,000." "A decent service log - and two sets of tires." "What do you say?" "Is this the best you can offer?" "Hey, I was kidding." "Should it be Japanese?" "I suppose we can forget about the traditional Swedish cars." "A young man needs to burn some rubber." "How about this one?" "All it needs is an oil change." "Nice and steady." "What do you think?" "Not bad." "Looks like it's been in a good family." "Yes." "You can get it for forty grand, and I'll throw in the winter tires." "40,000?" "You could get a new Lada for that." "Or ten used ones." "We're buying a car here!" " Not at any price." "I already lowered it for you." "If we go any lower, I won't earn my bread and the wife gets pissed off." "It's a decent car - and there's room for a horizontal even with a big girl." "Might be a bit too large for me." "You don't have anything smaller - with a bigger engine?" " Now you're talking!" "Cherry." "The jewel of Japanese knowhow." "1.5 motor, made for running." "It's a bit shaky, but you won't find any other faults in it." "You have a service log for it?" " It got lost at the removal - but I'll make it up to you:" "14 grand." "And another grand for the springs and the shock absorbers." "Someone who's drunk might pay ten grand for this, but not me." "Leave it in the snow for two winters and it'll make good spare parts - for a demolition derby car." " Go fuck yourself, Pertti!" "Excuse my rude language." "The youngest one's been ill..." "Why don't we take a look in the back?" "Why don't we forget about it." "Some other time, maybe." "Pera, let me show you something that the angels in heaven only dream of." "I think we can make a deal after you've seen this." "The price is 22,000, as it seems to interest you, Pera." "Call me sir!" "Okay, okay." "Sorry." "So you seem to like it, sir." "Yes." "But those are not the figures I learned at school." "It was just a proposition." "Make your offer, sir." "22,000 is a lot for this one." "I'm offering you 15,000." "It has a complete service log." " So?" "I'm not driving a service log." "It'll raise the resale value. - 15." "16." "It's nice to read a decent service log on a dark autumn night." "15." "I'm not a reading man." " OK, 15,000." "And keep quiet about it." "Here you are." "And here's the service log." "Good luck." "I'm sure you won't regret this." " Not in public, anyway." "Call me sir!" "Call me sir!" "Call me sir!" "Call me sir!" "Sorry..." "I needed some sleep..." "The youngest one has an earache." "Hello." " It's all right." "So, you... you're looking for a vehicle, sir?" "You have an Alfa Romeo out there." " Yes." "How much is it?" " 60 grand." "It costs 170,000 new." "That's how cheap an Italian beauty is in the cold North." "The price is negotiable, of course." "This car needs special care - and appreciation." "Too many Alfas have ended up in wrong hands - in an atmosphere of ignorance." "I remember one case... - 42." "The price is not that negotiable." "What's the limit?" " 52." "Not very negotiable." "Well, like I said, she needs a good family." "For you, I can set a price I wouldn't want to write down. 46." "45, and it's a deal." "Here's the down payment." "I'll pay the rest when I get my advance. - 45." "All right." "Advance?" "Are you a writer?" " Yes, I am." "Keep the car here until I get the money." "A writer!" "I'm not a penman myself." "I do read, though." "I've read everything from Päätalo." "The best writer in Finland." "I haven't seen you in the tabloids." "I read at the barber's, you know." "I don't recognize your face." " Let's make two things clear." "One:" "I'm not here to talk about myself." "I'm here to buy a car." "We all have to have a profession." "Two:" "You keep the car here until I get the money." "Is that clear?" "Yes." "What have you written, if I may ask?" "I could go to the library." "You shall know my name." "And my works." "DIARIES" "16.9. 1976." "I began my studies - at the Department of History and Philology - of the University of Helsinki." "I don't know anyone in town, which is good, as solitude suits me." "Every day I must eat the lousy food at the campus canteen - and read an excessive amount of literature." "I'm writing poems, for I can feel the pain inside of me." "26. 10. 1976." "All this reading..." "I'm not sure if this is the life for me." "I wank at nights, and I don't know anybody." "All artists have been lonely." "I read somewhere that if you wank a lot - your spine falls into your pants and your balls wither away." "I'm advancing in my studies while becoming estranged from reality." "With drugs and booze, I could get away from the academic circles." "But do the politicians really think that we can buy drugs - with the financial aid we're getting - and write decent literature?" "29.5. 1977." "The doctor asked if I'd hurt it somewhere." "I denied it, and he suggested that the lump might be the outcome - of constant up-and-down movement." "Which was an indubitable proof of the fact that I'd been masturbating." "Such insights!" "I'm glad I didn't have to pay for his consultation." "13. 12. 1978." "I've been going steady for three days." "What an exciting novelty!" "There's actually someone in the world who is aware of my presence." "She's an exciting girl." "She likes booze and drugs." "She's wild and free, which makes our relationship easier." "22. 12. 1978." "I'm going to leave my girlfriend - because I'm unable to create in a happy state of mind." "Welcome pain, goodbye girl." "She warned me not to forget her and said - she might leak some interesting personal information to the press." "I started to sweat as I remembered the rumors - about Marlon Brando after he had risen from between the sheets." "14.4. 1980." "I got a summer job - at the Eastern branch of the Finnish News Agency." "It was an easy, relaxed job." "We informed the world about events in Eastern Finland and vice versa." "I enjoyed myself and even learned to drink like a man - which is a useful skill in journalistic circles." "One day, the Big Chief paid us a surprise visit." "The man was a bully." "I resigned immediately." "20.4. 1980." "I decided to go back to Helsinki." "It appeared that the subject, Pertti Kiilopää, is a male person - with distinctive symptoms of chronic unemployment - who had practically never been dropped off for service." "He has never received love, mercy or forgiveness." "Kiilopää has been thrown into life with the trust - that he'll manage somehow." "People like him always have, even scratched up a living." "This harsh, indifferent attitude has left in young Kiilopää - some bruises and rust-eaten spots that he can't locate himself." "His nervous system is in an appalling condition." "He can't deal with defeat - and regards anyone driving in the right-hand lane as his enemy." "Also his gears are out of order." "He can change into first gear - i. e." "He's always going uphill, pursued by others." "He shows no respect for or even avoids the reverse gear." "He is unwilling to return to anything he has left behind - whether it be population centers or emotional states." "He is also sexually overcharged - and, just like his car, goes easily into overdrive." "He reacts to a picture of a nude American woman on a personal level - unable to see it as a photograph of an unknown person." "We think that Kiilopää and his kind may cause dangers in traffic - driving a car with a deceptively similar condition to their own." "Pertti Olavi Kiilopää and his car complement each other - in a way that only a car and its driver can:" "Both are designed for uneconomical everyday driving." "So, even by the gloomiest prognosis, both the car and the driver - can, for quite some time, drag along the road they've chosen." "As a conclusion, we state that Pertti Olavi Kiilopää - should, as soon as possible, be removed from public roads - for although nothing has happened yet, it is only a question of time - before this person will cause a dangerous situation." "On behalf of Automan Ltd., Lauri Nikander and Esko Kummola." "Our statement will be referred to the Mobile Police." "It has no legal force, but as an analysis and recommendation..." "You have been speeding during the previous years, so..." "If you could sign this - as an indication that you have heard it..." "It should be illegal to sell fast cars to petrol-saving family men." "The engineers have created those machines from hell so that - you'd set them on fire and drive like you were glued to the seat!" "Those lard-ass faggots drive out there - just to catch me and say to themselves:" "Let's show that jerk that we weren't born during the depression!" "You should test them, not me, the innocent victim - with his nerves as tight as a violin string - as one pot-belly sticks into his ass - and another one blocks the traffic with his economical driving!" "And they all have company cars!" "At the service station - they nibble at their sandwiches for half an hour - counting the calories with their cross-eyed golden retriever - acting like they owned something - when they can't even buy themselves a pair of checked pants!" "And they keep harassing me, though I always pay my cars in hard cash!" "I drive fast and I'd drive even faster if those Visa-flashing pigs - weren't blocking the roads on their way to the summer cottage - where they have a gas grill 'cause they can't light the fire " "even in their hag wives who aren't worth looking at after they're 40." "So they go to the puddle of mud they call a lake - pretending to be fishing - when they're running away from that coyote in hair rollers!" "In the evening, half-drunk, they start arguing - about who let the chicken legs burn and the coyote starts steaming " "when he gets pissed off though he's been boozing all evening." "They fight all night and the neighbors laugh in their sleeve:" "They're doing even worse than us!" "Not even once does the guy ride his fancy little car nor his wife - letting her chew the charred chicken - although he can see that she's in heat." "That bloody fatso never uses either his wife or his car - for what they're created for " "making the wife lose her smile and the car lose its purpose!" "They're both just standing there, getting rusty and worthless!" "Ready." "You bloody clowns, you can stick your analysis into your arses." "Tiia..." "Ready for print!" "Veisterä is busy." "Come on, stop spinning around." "I just didn't recognize the Writer in such a decent outfit." "Is there a particular reason for this unexpected phenomenon?" "Does the Hound of Hades know what an Alfa Romeo Spark 75 is?" "I hope you are all ready there in front of your television sets." "I have been waiting for this moment." "So I, the president of this country - pray you to hold on for another week " "another month, another year, until the next elections - because I am sure that this millennium " "will put our country - in the EU rescue program for underprivileged countries." "If there is any fairness and justice in our country - we shall cherish those old virtues." "In other words, we, as a nation and as a country - only need to wait for a few more years - for the bigger ones to take us into their arms, like they always have - and to carry us to safety " "away from the ever-fluctuating market forces." "This is what I hope, believe and pray for - for what is one nation, on its own?" "Like one little individual:" "Nothing." "We still have unemployed people, as we should have." "But now, I would like to extend my prayers to every one of you - for the unemployed are but one..." "You fucking faggot!" "I'll kill you, you goddamn shitface!" "Isn't there any other way to settle this?" "No." "Forging a service log is a serious thing - and being a faggot won't do any good for your reputation." "What are you talking about?" "A faggot?" "You're a faggot, you have a man's name tattooed in your arm." "A faggot crook like you has nothing to laugh about here." "I had newsreader Lind's name tattooed in my arm - because I think highly of him." "I could never think about him in that way, for God's sake!" "Although that is allowed..." "Allowed, maybe, but not desirable." "Not for ordinary men, at least." "Opera directors and artists are different, but it doesn't suit - a used car dealer." "Your client will feel uneasy - not knowing what kind of propositions he might get next." "I know you're upset about the service log - and about seeing the first original tattoo in your life." "I've seen all kinds of dragon heads and butterfly arses - but that's the first one about love for a newsreader!" "There's a big difference between love and admiration." "Like between a sports car and a family car." "You have an Alfa out there." "You'll sell it to me with a good discount and take my Toyota back - or else I'll call my friends to put up signs saying:" "5 miles to the car shop you feel in your arse for a long time. "" "And I'll put a notice in the local supermarket saying - that Kartio is looking for male company." "You'd better believe me!" "I'm sorry." "I have a poor diet..." "All I've eaten today is some cold hotdogs and they cause gas..." "You can cut that crap." "I might hush up about your being a homo - but your colleagues won't appreciate a forger who plays around with boys." "Just leave and take that bloody Alfa with you, and never come back here - to claim that an honest entrepreneur is a homo!" " Kartio..." "Is it...?" "For God's sake..." "Get out and take that Alfa with you!" "Is it...?" "Yes, it is..." "Hello." "I would like to buy myself a car." " Yes, of course!" "A decent car for a decent man." "Here, I have a Chrysler Saratoga..." "I mean this Volvo." "They're all great cars for a heavy use..." "I'll need it just to go to work..." "Why don't you try this one?" "It's a pleasure for the body..." "I was looking at this Fiat here." " That's not the car for you." "You need a car that suits your position as a spiritual leader - and a figure of authority." "Well, it's a car all right..." " And the price is good, too." "Yes, the price is damn good, but why don't you..." "I'll have this one." "Why don't you think it over." "A Fiat is for an ordinary guy - but you are Arvi Lind!" "About the price..." "I'm a big fan, I've only missed one newscast of yours." "Lind, goddammit!" "May I call you Arvi, now that we've become acquainted?" "What a great day!" "A moment ago, I was accused of something vile - but now I'm standing in front of you!" "You give me strength..." "I suck spiritual power out of you!" "Let's shake hands." "Kartio." " Lind." "What a pleasure this is!" "You're a fine man..." "Yes, you are." "I'm just doing my job and it's made me a public figure..." "Arvi, goddammit!" "I'll make a heck of a deal for you..." "But talking like man to man, a Chrysler would be the car for you." "There. 65,000." " That's more than reasonable." "A special price for you." "May I show you something?" "What do you say?" "Nice colors and all." "Not just any old mermaid thing..." "You've gone quite far..." "I'm not used to things like this." "You don't know what kind of effect you have on viewers, Arvi goddammit!" "In this world of bullshit, you stand out like a pearl amongst swine!" "Thank you..." "I'm reading the news this evening." "See you then!" " I'll put the money in your account tomorrow." "You got the joke about seeing you, didn't you?" "Kartio..." "Mister Writer!" "Look, this goddamn shithead took it..." "You don't mind my language, do you?" "I sold a decent car to a young man - who came back and wanted to change it." "No, I haven't called the police..." "Why don't you use your imagination - that God in his great wisdom decided to give you." "I have his mobile number here..." "You called me?" " Yes, I did." "There it is." "Let's talk about money first." "For five grand, I'll put in a new one." "No receipts." "It looks bad." "Let's show the tub some hammer." "Time for a break?" " Maybe." "Quite an unusual car you have." " It's OK." "Drives fast." "Where did you get it?" "Is opening up to you part of the deal?" "I was just asking." "I paid it with cash." " No doubt." "You rarely see one of those." "Where did you find it?" " In a store." "What store?" " With cash." "Never heard of that." "Is it some mobile business?" " No." "What's the secret then?" "Does it live up to promises?" " What?" "Top speed 125 mph - like the manufacturer says." "Have you ever tried?" "Is this a TV quiz or what?" " No." "Well, I haven't." " Don't lie to me." "You hired me to do your bathroom, not to talk about top speeds." "Come on, tell me." " None of your bloody business!" "The thing is that I might open up to the tax authorities - about your businesses." "That'll stop you milking the tax money." "What will they say to a man who won't take a receipt?" "A man who's on the dole, running around fixing sanitary facilities..." "They might be interested that you can drive around - in the boast of the Italian car industry." " I've paid for it in cash." "Maybe I'll forget to put in the damp-proofing, bloody four-eyes!" "Would it kill you to tell me what's the top speed of your car?" "It's bigger issues that lead to manslaughter." "It goes as fast as the manufacturer says." " Sell it to me." "What the hell for?" "So do I, and my price is too high." " How much?" "An Alfa has no price." "50,000." " That's two Toyota Corollas." "What do they have to do with this?" "That's quite a pile of notes." "You'd have to get a faggot's handbag." "I'm no bloody faggot!" "Relax." "I was just making a demonstration." "What do Corollas have to do with this?" " You used to drive one." "How do you know?" "Who are you, anyway?" "A car buyer." "With keen eyes." "Shall we start from childhood?" "A dreamer." " Come on, there's no such profession." "On the dole, unemployed, consultant, dreamer..." "They're all professions that people couldn't even imagine - when you were just a drop in someone's testicles." " Bullshit!" "Come on, tell me a detail about my life." "You know nothing." "Everyone's driving a Corolla." "Does everyone in a Corolla get a blow job on a small road?" " What?" "You heard me." "What was her name?" " Tiia." "For that blow job, you missed a Frederik concert." "You bloody snoop!" "Sneaking around in the bushes with a camera!" " Not a snoop, a dreamer." "Some moonlighting and a blow job, what else do you know?" " Enough - to get your car for a good price and make you lose your unemployment!" "I could dream a red stream here, dreamer!" "Put that knife away." "You've exceeded your authority!" "I'm conducting this meeting now!" "How did you get Kartio to do it?" "What happened there?" "For me, they're like prey that has to be hunted greedily." "You have to catch two of them a day, or you won't sleep at night - and only because of those drunk drivers - who don't get caught in our net." "But, mind you, I'm grateful to those criminals on our roads." "A drunk driving fast really makes my day - not as a real criminal, but as a challenge." "God created challenge." "I see them as my pals - who bring light into the grayness of the motorway traffic." "Look at that road." "Well, what do you see?" "No, look beyond the ordinary." "It's a battlefield!" "A free zone smelling of petrol and windscreen washing liquid - a no-man's land where women, children and hares - had better watch out, for those four lanes - are full of unpredictable men driving at the speed of 75 mph." "Sober, hung-over, drunk men - men who are bullied at work, who are harboring suicidal thoughts - men who suffer from indigestion!" "What I like most are the men who are driving dead drunk - who steam up the alcometer and brag about it on the back seat." "They're real men!" "And they want to prove it." "You either drink and drive or you don't." "Those who drive when they're hung-over are pathetic losers." "I don't understand those who do things by halves." "After all, millions and millions of public money - has been spent on that road, so that you can drive on it drunk - forgetting about traffic lights and crossroads." " Inspector Vikström!" "So, two "Vikström Specials" coming up." "Which means - a speed of 125 mph, a swerving car, driver probably drunk - ignoring the lights and the hand signs of the police - the car probably stolen." "Excuse me, inspector..." "The spike mat is there - but we just heard that one of them has driven off the road." "Well, there's always a risk when you make the most of life." "Let's go, boys." "Customers are waiting." "Guess who was there kicking tires?" "Arvi Lind." "Arvi Lind?" " Arvi Lind." "I know a Lind when I see one." "How do you know Kartio?" "Hello..." "Yes, right here." "Have you looked into it?" "Good." "I'll be there in an hour." "Yes, it's here." "OK, bye." "Who was it?" "Bullshit!" "You were talking about me." "Who with?" "About you?" " You said something about looking into it..." "I meant the diaries." " What diaries?" "Cut that crap!" "The diaries tell my history like a service log tells that of a car." "I have a meeting with my publisher." "Read those diaries if you don't believe me." "So it wasn't the police?" " No." "What we do now is that you'll finish the repairs - and I'll go to that meeting of mine " "and when I get back, we'll draw the papers on the Alfa." "OK?" "How do I know you won't squeal about me?" " Because I want that car." "What's the name of the publisher?" "It's more real that way." "Tell me." " WSOY." "Not the cognac, mind you." "I need a guarantee." "Give me your driver's license." "All right." "But I want the keys of the Alfa." "You might as well take the car then." "Come on, I'm not driving without my license." "A few more things, Pertti." "That car is mine." "I've paid the down payment for it." "You stole my car, Kiilopää." "Bloody hell!" "You knew all along!" "Tiia!" "You thought she was your conquest." "You've cherished her memory as the only woman - you've ever fallen for, or even loved." "But the truth is this:" "Tiia did it for money." "She was hired by a campaign called "Operation Side-road" - launched by the Mobile Police, the National Road Administration - the Association for Mental Health and Anna magazine." "The aim was to improve the image of side-roads - and to make the men driving there happy." "Tiia got 800 marks per customer." "That's the truth, Pertti Kiilopää." "23. 1. 1981." "I can't make my poetry work." "I'll have to broaden my horizons." "Some people go to Europe, to Berlin or Paris - but I'm destined to go back to Kuopio - to the basement of the city library - to repair torn books on an employment subsidy." "13.3. 1981." "WSOY sent me a telegram - saying that my poems may get published!" "The message was short and to the point: "It's beginning!"" "The great catch awaits out at sea, with thousands of dangers - and mean, greedy writers from major linguistic areas - spreading their nets treacherously in other people's fishing grounds - regardless of rules." "Soon, they'll see my boat out there!" "I reacted to the telegram with the melancholy dignity of a poet - and pure stoicism, for it is poetry that counts, not one's reputation." "28.4. 1982." "My first collection comes out at last!" "Interviews, interviews." "Willingly, I hand out my thoughts to the cr?" "Me de la cr?" "Me of the Press." "Not a moment of peace." "Is this the life of a celebrity?" "You don't know how nerve-racking it is to work - under the pressure of publicity." "But I'll accept the challenge." "I've sown my seeds." "It's time to reap the harvest." "22. 11. 1983." "I got married today, after a short period of courtship." "My wife is intelligent and very beautiful." "I hope I can treat her in a fair way though I'm an artist by nature." "24.4. 1984." "My wife couldn't stand our constant fighting." "A divorce." "I'm back in Helsinki." "Written by a wanking faggot." "Worse than the book about Teemu Selänne." "Not bloody convincing..." "He lied to me about Tiia." "It's a lie!" "Do you hear me, goddammit?" "A lie!" "Kartio..." "It's Kiilopää." "Look, the thing is - that the wanking faggot heroin addict writer took the Alfa." "I'll come and take the Toyota, and you'll give me a good discount." "He went to his publisher." "WSOY." "The number's in the phone book, under W." "WSOY." "And it's not the cognac." "The time has come to close the books." "Let it also be the last quivering image of my diaries." "The diversity of the past incidents astonishes the author himself- let alone the media, who, with an unyielding vigor - have been following the rise of a bright new star in the Northern sky." "My God, what an achievement!" "My first anthology of poetry made me world-famous." "The movie based on my novel "Something about Timo" - created by the best in the business " "will soon have its Hollywood premiere." "It was one success after another." "My anthologies have been translated into dozens of languages and " ""Something about Timo" which plumbs the depths of our aggressions - into 37 languages!" "My novel has produced a doctoral thesis - an interpellation in the Parliament, an installation, a musical - a 10-episode psycho-scientific series for the BBC " "a mini symphony, and now I'm waiting for the Nobel prize - to accompany all the other prizes awarded to me at home and abroad." "As my last testament before I retire to enjoy my status - as a national author and spiritual leader of our people " "I've made a dance performance of "Something about Timo", where I - finally liberate the body from the spirit and the flesh from the mind." "It is finished!" "A national author...?" "Are you holding us up to ridicule?" "This is all a lie!" "What's this novel "Something about Timo"?" "What translations?" "A series for the BBC?" "We refuse to publish this text - in the series "The Voice of Humanity" or otherwise!" "Let's get this straight." "Your problem is not that the text is not true - but that the author is unknown." "People don't know the author - so they can't be interested in the incidents in his life - real or invented." "The problem is not in the contents - it's purely theoretical!" " That's not true." "We never publish anything just because the author is well-known." "That's a lie." "An absolute, hygienic, vacuum-packed lie." "I suggest that you think what you say very carefully." "It's not always that simple." "One day, even I may be famous, and then - the very same mouth that just speculated on publishing politics - may have quite a different foot in it and then..." " Veisterä." "Yes, he's here." "Why don't you calm down..." "What car?" "I don't understand..." "Please don't raise your voice like that..." "You're in such a rage that it's best to end this conversation." "Good bye." "It was a car dealer who said he had lost a car." " Lost?" "Was it Kartio?" "Kartio, that's what he said his name was." "He also mentioned a Kiilapää." "You might say that, yes." "What's this all about?" "A dreamer whose diaries are no good is trying to wash off his shit - in this room." "He got me to do this with lies and deception." "He who dirties another can never wash off his own shit." "No time to smash the kitchen." "The paint's not water-soluble." "Hotakainen." "Stop whining, Kartio, I didn't take the car!" "That tax dodger can say what he wants!" "I haven't touched that car." "Where's that dickhead?" "He's got my license." "Give it to him." "Now!" "In that case Pera stays there - and I come clear this up for once and for all!" "Well, there are many ways to get famous, if that's what it takes..." "There!" "You'd better practice it - in case he's trying to drive through." "A "Vikström Special" coming up!" " At full speed!" "OK, get ready." "Get one car there ready for a chase." "You're licensed to shoot, if nothing else stops him." "We'll settle this right now!" "I'll show you, you bloody wanking fake writer!" "You bloody minced-meat ass, go bake pasties in that fancy home of yours!" "Get that rice bowl of yours going!" "I have 150 horses under my bonnet, waiting to be unleashed!" "Step on it!" "I have some info on this "Vikström's Special"." "The Alfa driver is suspected of theft of a vehicle - and the Toyota man has been speeding before..." "A car salesman reported them to the alarm centre." "He says the Toyota man is a homophobic psychopath - and the Alfa driver is a fake writer who steals Italian cars." " Enough!" "I don't like it when people criticize men who break boundaries." "They are clients, who give us our living and our jobs!" "Without them, our society would become a sterile laboratory - where everyone lives a long life " "taking care of each other and being bored to death!" "Criminals are the salt of society, some of them even the spice - that dares to exceed the artificial boundaries set by the authorities!" "They keep the afternoon papers in business - by giving them headlines!" "They give work, indirectly, not only to the police - but also to the social authorities, undertakers, arms manufacturers " "film industry, car industry, psychologists - public sanitation services, not to mention prison administration!" "All those undervalued people work under poor conditions - getting paid with nothing but contempt and lack of sympathy!" "But in the 21st century - they shall become a successful branch of industry - an elite of only the brightest and the most talented individuals!" "For the 21st century will see the first generation of unemployed - who have never in their lives had a mind-restricting day job!" "They shall form a brave new caste of criminals - for whom the sky is the limit!" "Aside from the traditional branches of criminality - new, modern special branches will rise - to vitalize the work of the police and to give us new challenges!" "Listen to me, all of you!" "This is my greatest desire:" "To now meet a seriously intoxicated driver - driving a high-class product of the car industry - with the serious intention of breaking the law and the limits!" "Someone who would make us work really hard to catch him!" "A real professional!" "Someone who'd make me feel alive again!" "Focus your cameras here, goddammit!" "You crazy faggot!" "I'll drink three pints during happy hour and watch the Rally..." "One's dead and the other one's still on the run." "The dead man's name is Hotakainen, but don't mention it." "This is all we know." "Read this, then we'll cut straight to the motorway." "... that if I was trained to be a welder " "I couldn't work in a day-care centre..." "He's coming, and fast!" "Probable confrontations with organized society." "Don't stop..." "The police!" "Get out of the car!" "Put your hands where we can see them!" "Calm down, boys." "Boys!" "That was some speed!" "You're quite a driver, mister." "Come on, get out of there." "Your face needs a plaster or two." "His face needs to be treated." "Run!" "When this is taken care of, we can have a little chat in the Mondeo." "Goddammit, man!" "What a drive!" "Name, please." "Could I see your driver's license?" " I don't have it with me." "Well, you don't drive a license, do you?" "How much did you drink?" "A bottle of vodka." "A fine beverage, that is." "You drank while driving?" "Yes." "I started at home and finished the bottle in the car." "You don't look drunk." "I was so busy driving that it hasn't gone to my head yet." "We'll make a fine report of this." "Tell them to put the cameras away, will you?" "We won't be a minute." "Did you have anything to do with the other one?" " Who?" "The one they dug out of the Toyota." "What happened to him?" " He died." "A fine man." "Never gave up on his speed." "Well, it's going to be quite a long list." "But I have to do this." "You understand, don't you?" " Yes." "Ever been in prison before?" " No." "It'll take some time to settle in." "But you'll be just fine." "It's the pedophiles they beat up there, nowadays." "I would, too." "Blow into this, please." "Goddammit, Kiilopää." "Goddammit." "That's like the readings of Kallio, and he was a real pro." "Look, I have to show you this." "There they are..." "The greatest of men." "Vikström's Specials, all of them." "That means persons who've driven past our radar - with blood alcohol level over 2.0 and the speed over 100 mph." "You'll go straight on top of this list." "I understand." "The after-effect of a strenuous performance." "Now we have to hurry for the blood test - while your alcohol level is still nice and high." "You all mean so much to me." "Without you, I wouldn't be here." "That is why it is my duty - to pray for each and every one of you." "Thank you." "Arvi, goddammit!" "Now to the scene on the Hämeenlinna motorway." "A rare incident happened today on the Hämeenlinna motorway:" "Two vehicles speeding over the longest distance - in the history of Finnish traffic." "Taking no notice of the signs given by the police - the two drivers kept speeding up - until one of them drove off the road with fatal consequences." "We are broadcasting live from the scene." "Why did this happen?" " I wanted to change my life." "That's what you did, Kiilopää!" "You were and you still are heavily intoxicated..." "The fake writer, goddammit!" "Bravo, Pertti Kiilopää." " He's not Pertti!" "And what does that mean?" " I'll serve my sentence - and give the car to the State if that's what they say." "No, you bloody hell don't!" "He drove fast for reasons of his own." "Give me the TV news studio!" "Put me through, please!" "You have a drunk driver on the news." "He claims to be Pertti Kiilopää, but that's not his name!" "Pertti was in the other car." "This one's a fake writer, Hotakainen." "We heard some new things about the case." "We're checking them." "Say that we'll get back to it at the end of the news." "This is the greatest day of my career." " What do you mean?" "You rarely meet men like him." "It's a great day for both of us." "Veisterä here." "Sorry to call you at this hour." "Look, we have the diaries of Hotakainen - almost ready for the print, don't we?" "Right." "Could you see to it that they're checked through - and printed as soon as possible?" "We'll get back to the incident on the Hämeenlinna motorway later - as we have received some crucial information regarding the case " "and the persons involved..." " Arvi, goddammit!" "You believed me!" "We're in the same business, you and I. The truth must be told!" "Put the fake writer in chains!" "I have changed the course of the news!" "Arvi!" "This is one of the best days of my life and my career." "You don't get to read figures like those too often." "Inspector Vikström..." " Look, we're not finished here." "We may have been interviewing a dead man." "What the hell...?" " We just got an anonymous tip - and your men came back from the scene with some papers." "The one lying in the Toyota is Pertti Kiilopää." "Or Kari Hotakainen." "One of them was just on the air, but which one?" "The caller said..." "Who's this then?" " Who?" "The one taking a shit." "The guy who was in the air?" " Right!" "He's either one." "The body can't be identified." "He said he was Pertti Kiilopää." "Don't know the guy, said the Devil about Jesus." "Neither do I. But Kiilopää had his driver's license." " Whose?" "Hotakainen's!" "He also had his own license." "But the face is a mess." "The face of the body!" "It can't be identified." "Bloody hell!" "Is he still sitting there?" "Let me through." "Kiilopää?" "The false name and running away is quite an insult - but, on the other hand, men of influence - will have to clear their way through prejudices - thus changing the legislation - to make it possible for the next generations to fulfill themselves " "within the framework of the law." "Turn left there." "That's where I'd go if I were him." "Give me a pen and paper." "Do you feel responsible for the death of the other driver - as yet unidentified?" " He drove fast for reasons of his own." "Now, please!" "Thanks." "Where's the toilet?" "For the Finnish News Agency." "For general distribution." "I, writer Kari Hotakainen, have a confession to make." "I have been speeding under the influence today - because I wanted fame and my book to be published." "I had no other way." "If nothing else helps, I go to extremes." "Now that I've gained fame - in a way that almost cost my life and took that of someone else " "I would like to shed some light on my views." "I would like to say a few words about men." "Due to lack of time, I put them in two categories:" "Modern men and classical men." "Classical men drive through their lives - either with a crash or quietly." "Modern men talk more in an hour than classical men during their vacation." "Modern men cry, open up and look for a substitute for mother's milk." "Classical men drive in their cars - to the once-a-month meeting with their kids " "cursing at the low speed limits." "Classical men are in a hurry." "They have no time to grow into real personalities." "They are ordinary and trustworthy - like spare parts that fit the most common car models - and are sold at every service station." "Classical men grow on every corner - and in every pub." "Many of them are sons or grandsons of the Unknown Soldier - fighting their own war, bloodless yet raw " "against fluctuating interest rates, the mortgage and modern women." "In the media, modern men give statements about classical men." "The classical man does something for others to comment on." "The classical man loses his nerve, which, indirectly - gives psychologists and doctors something to work on." "Classical men are manufactured to give pleasure evenings and nights - on top of or under women - as fathers, guardians, providers and the unemployed." "The manufacturing process is so hard - that the men will look, for the rest of their lives - like they were born frightened and only a minute ago." "Deep inside, most of us are classical men - although our opinions may seem modern." "Yet opinions are nothing but sweat that we pour - while doing our best to look like this year's models." "That's all." "I have to stop now, there's a line." "Subtitles:" "Outi Kainulainen / MOVISION" "Ripped by:" "SkyFury"