"( yawning groan )" "Man's voice:" "I was hitching a ride." "I was looking for my girlfriend, Michelle, who'd just..." "run off with a man called John Smith." "No, really, that was his name," "I knew him..." "this John Smith." "Once at a party, he tried to sell me a gun." "And then later, at The Vine, he made everyone quiet down for a few minutes, because I was singing along with the stereo." "Whoo!" "And he liked my voice." "The traveling salesman had fed me pills that made the lining of my veins feel scraped out." "My jaw ached." "I knew every raindrop by its name." "I ..." "I sensed everything before it happened." "I knew a certain Oldsmobile would stop for me even before it slowed." "And by the sweet voices of the family inside it," "I knew we'd have an accident in the storm." "I didn't care." "They said they'd take me all the way." "Driver:" "It's really wet out there." "Child:" "Peekaboo!" "Peekaboo, I see you!" "( screaming )" "Man:" "What a pair of lungs!" "She shrieked, as I imagined an eagle would shriek." "It felt wonderful to be alive to hear it." "I've gone looking for that feeling everywhere." "But I got ahead of myself." "Um..." "let me start at the beginning." "There were two men who got me mixed up with Michelle." "I met the first man with my friends Tom and Richard." "I had forgotten my friends were even with me, but there they were." "And I have to tell you, I hated the two of them." "The three of us had formed a group based on something erroneous, some basic misunderstanding that hadn't yet come to light, and so we kept on in one another's company." "Anyway, we found the first man, Stan-- the one I started to tell you about-- asleep in my car." "Who's this?" "Get out of my car, man!" "Get out of my car, man!" "What do you do in a situation like this?" "Man's voice:" "Using sign language," "Stan led us to a place that stood all by itself out on the old highway." "I've been out on this road more than once, and I never found anything that made me happy." "( music playing, distant chatting )" "If you'd called ahead, we would have encouraged you not to bring him." "( woman giggling )" "Man #2:" "Anyway, he can't stay." "Tammy doesn't want him here." "Man #1 :" "Okay..." "whoever Tammy is." "Man #2:" "Now would be a good time to take him out of here." " You should let him stay." " Nope." "Is he really deaf?" "Man #2:" "That's a good one." "( pop music playing )" "Oh,SweetPea, c'mon and dance with me" "C'mon,c 'mon, c'mon and dance with me" "Oh,SweetPea, won't you be my girl?" "Won'tyou,won'tyou , won't you be my girl?" "Iwentto adance just the other night" "Isawagirlthere, she was out of sight" "Iaskedafriendofmine who she could be" "Hesaidthather friends just call her "Sweet Pea"" "Oh,SweetPea, c'mon and dance with me" "C'mon,c 'mon, c'mon and dance with me" "Oh,SweetPea, won't you be my girl?" "Won'tyou,won'tyou , won't you be my girl?" "Iwalkedon over and I asked her to dance" "Thinkin'maybelateron we'll make a romance" "Buteveryguythere was thinkin' like me" "Ihadto standinline  to get a" "( soft giggle )" "( cow mooing in distance )" "Man:" "Mooo..." "( laughing ) What are you doing?" "Come here." "Come here." "Sorry." "Michelle!" "( muffled ) Fuck!" "Would you get in the car?" "Fuckhead!" "I was carrying a gun, but I never would have used it." "It was so cheap, I was sure it would explode in my hands if I ever pulled the trigger, so it could only add to my humiliation." " Hey, where's McInnes?" " How the hell should I know?" "What's wrong?" " What's the matter?" " We going?" "( engine starts )" "Come on, man, let's go!" " See ya." " Oh shit." "U h-oh..." "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "Hey, man, get off my car!" "Go!" "Lose him!" "Lose him!" "Do you think he's all right?" "Yeah." "Yeah, he's fine." "He's just gonna go back to the party." " Don't worry about it." " It's McInnes I'm worried about." " McInnes?" " He caught me kissing Michelle." "Which one was Michelle?" "We just want you to be ready." "If He wanted to end it, He'd have ended it by now." "Yeah, well, it is hard to know what He's thinking sometimes" "Yeah." "But patience is part of believing, it's part of faith." "And in the meantime, we prepare for the day" "Hey, can I keep this?" "I moved around my whole life." "This is the longest that I've lived anywhere-- 1 8 months." " I don't have a job." " No kidding." "I smoke cigarettes." " And you talk non-stop." " No, I don't." "No, usually I don't..." "except when I'm nervous." " Do I make you nervous?" " No, no." "Yeah, maybe a little." "I heard about" "I heard about your boyfriend McInnes." "I was there." "I know." "I heard you tried to help him, that you were the only one." "Is that true?" "He almost made it." "What were you saying before..." "to those Jehovah's Witness guys?" "Look what they gave me." "I was asking them, if when we die if there's an ending to everything we know and if there is, then why don't we just die now?" "You know, die to-- everything we know..." "Maybe living and dying are the same thing and maybe the fact that we've..." "turned them into two different things is why we feel so lost." "Man..." "Wow..." "I'm not planning on dying anytime soon, but, if I do," "I'll come back and tell you all about it." "No, don't do that." "Do us both a favor, rest in peace." " Can I kiss you now?" " No." "Sorry, it sticks." "I'm sorry." "The, uh, kitchen area." "Ahh, that's the bathroom." "And-- yeah, don't look too close." "Wait, wait, wait, wait..." "slow down." "Can we take a second?" "I just-- it seems kinda fast." "I like it slow." "Hi." "You ever seen anyone shoot up before?" "No." "Man's voice:" "I'd been staying at the Holiday I nn with Michelle." "Honestly, the most beautiful woman" "I'd ever known." "But wait a minute" "I never finished telling you about what happened to McInnes, did I?" "Or about the two men, who led me to Michelle?" "I never even started describing the second man, Dundun." "Hey!" "McInnes isn't feeling too good today." " McInnes is here?" " Yeah..." " Maybe I'll come back later." " Don't worry." "I just shot him." "You-- you mean, you killed him?" "I didn't mean to." "Is he really dead?" "No, he's sitting down now, in the front room." "Dundun shot him, huh?" "Somebody shot somebody." "Here." "Oww..." "I don't want it." "Okay." " U h, here then." " No, thank you." "Aren't you taking him to the hospital or anything?" " We started to." " How're you doing?" "I can feel it right here." "It's just stuck in the muscle." "It's not bad." "McInnes:" "Oh!" "The cap didn't explode right, I think." "Misfired." "It misfired a little bit, yeah." "How about I take him to the hospital?" "I don't know." "Dundun:" "You promise not to tell them anything?" "I don't think he hears you." "( yelling ) Tell them it was an accident!" "( whispering ) Okay..." "Promise?" "What do you say?" "What do you mean, what do I say?" "You think I'm here because I know about this stuff?" " He's dead." " All right!" "I know he's dead!" " Throw him out of the car." " Damn right, throw him out!" "I'm glad he's dead." "He's the one who started everybody calling me "Fuckhead."" "Don't let it get you down." "What a lousy birthday." ""FH"'s voice:" "I don't know, maybe he thought I might say something." "Will you believe me when I tell you that there was kindness in his heart?" "His left hand didn't know what his right hand was doing." "It was just that certain important connections had been burned through." "If I opened up your head, ran a hot soldering iron around in your brain," "I might turn you into someone like that." "So, there I was, staying at the Holiday I nn with Michelle for three days, under a phony name, spending the last of her money." "Michelle loved to stay in hotels." "Idon'teven know how" "Toloveyou" "Justtheway  you want me to" "  To learn" "  To learn" "  To learn" "  To learn" "Tofallin love" "Tofallin love" "Tofallin love" "Withyou." "( retching )" "( flushing )" "Christ, you've got a beautiful ass." "( laughing )" "I like this ride." "Um-hmm..." "How long have we been here?" "We've got some dope left too." "I don't care." "I don't care, either." "then came one of those moments." "How do you think that makes me feel?" "!" "H uh?" "Hey, you kicked me out!" "She said I could crash-- all right." "She said I could crash there." "And Tammy's not even your best friend." "You hardly even know her." "Look, I was getting ready for bed." "I was taking my clothes off so I could go to sleep." "I wasn't gonna take advantage of anyone." "You can kiss my ass!" "She, and you, and her, and everybody else!" "Right!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "FH :" "Can I have my shirt?" "Maybe my jacket, too?" "Michelle:" "Hey!" "Where's my money?" "!" " I need cab fare." " We're broke." "Were you just gonna leave me high and dry?" "God, you're so fucked!" "Do you even understand anything?" "No wonder everybody calls you "Fuckhead."" "Fuckhead!" "Fuckhead!" "You don't need to call me that." "Fuckhead, Fuckhead, Fuckhead, Fuckhead, Fuckhead..." "Fuckhead!" "Fuckhead-  oww!" " Oh no." "Tell me you're okay." "What's up, buddy?" "She's just feeling a little sick." "Bullshit, you punched her in the gut!" "He did, he did, he did..." "Somebody's going to get hurt over this." " ( car door slams )" " Hey!" "Stop, you stupid fucking, dick-sucking bitch!" "Michelle:" "Whoo, Fuckhead!" "Whooo..." "Whooo!" "Cherokeepeople" "Cherokeetribe" "Soproudto live..." "You." " I'm fine." " You're the one." "What?" "Last time you were in here, you stiffed me." " No, I didn't." " Yes, you did." "You were with your friends." "They're not my friends anymore." "You owe me eight bucks, plus a tip." "You look very nice in your uniform." "How old are you, about 1 9?" "FH's voice:" "Michelle didn't appear to be coming back anytime soon, so, I shot the last of our dope and I went to The Vine to find..." "Wayne." " A second..." " Wayne..." "God damn it." "( slurping )" "Ahhh!" "Whoo!" "Hey, how would you feel about making some money?" "Oh, I don't know, I was" "I was just gonna..." "go over in the corner there and nod out." "Well..." "I've decided, in my mind, that..." "I'm gonna make some money." "( woman laughing )" "That's the only place you're gonna make some money." "So what?" "Why don't you come with me?" "What, you mean you need a ride?" "I got the tools, I just need your..." "sorry-ass car to get around in." "You know you're bleeding from the nose?" "We doing a, uh, burg-- a burglary?" "You can't burgulate a forgotten, empty house." " Oh." " This is a salvage job." "This house has a terrible feeling about it." "Don't do that." " Why not?" " It's stupid, that's why." "I sell the copper for scrap." "Ahh..." "Hey, how much money do you think we can make on this?" "Enough to go to bed drunk tonight." "The pipes are dry." "Hangon,Sloopy, Sloopy, hang on" "Hangon,Sloopy, Sloopy, hang on" "Yeah,yeah,yeah" "Youknowit  feels so good" "C'mon,c 'mon" "Shakeit,shakeit,  shake it, Sloopy" "C'mon,c 'mon" "Shakeit,shakeit,  shake it, yeah" "C'mon,c 'mon..." "Hangon,Sloopy, Sloopy, hang on." "Hey, who own these houses, do you think?" "This is my house." "It is?" "Was." "( gagging )" "( vomiting )" "All this work is messing with my high." "Can't you find some easier way to make a dollar?" "Move." "( glass breaking )" "FH :" "What is that?" "That is one beautiful sight." "Yup." "That was my wife." "As nearly as I could tell," "I'd wandered into some sort of dream that Wayne was having about his wife and his house, but I didn't say anything more about it, because, after all, in small ways, it was turning out to be one of the best days of my life." "Whether it was somebody else's dream, or not." "We turned in the scrap wire for over $40, each!" " Who'd you rip off!" " No one." "We worked." "Buy me a drink, you little crooks!" " N urse!" " Jack Daniels." "We'll drink it to my favorite person who tends bar." "When you pour, darlin', it's like hittin' the jackpot." "( singing with the jukebox ) ButI ain'tnever" "Inmylifebefore" "Seensomany love affairs" "Gowrong as I do today" "Iwantyoutostop" "Findoutwhat'swrong" "Andgetit right" "Orjustleave love alone" "Becauselove..." "Honey, you got a good face, but you can't sing for shit." "Wayne:" "What the goddamn, fucking, piss hell is that suppose to mean?" "Man:" "This ain't school." "I'vebeen pushed around" "AndI 'vebeen brutalized" "AndI hadto alwaysbe the one to smile..." "Wayne:" "That's it!" "Sit down now..." "and I'll buy you a drink." "Fuck you!" "Asshole!" "Hey, nurse." "All the really good times happen when Wayne's around." "But this afternoon was somehow the best of all those times." "We had money, we were grimy and tired." "Usually, we felt guilty and frightened because there was something wrong with us and we didn't know what it was, but today we had the feeling of men who had worked-- oh yes..." "So we bought some dope and split it down the middle, and then I went looking for Michelle..." "knowing, that when there were drugs around, she surrendered." "Michelle?" "Baby?" "Baby, baby." "( Wayne turns on the radio )" "( FH gags )" " ( door slams )" " Michelle:" "Honey?" "Honey?" "Baby!" "Honey!" "Fuck!" "!" "Honey!" "Honey!" "Honey!" "Honey!" "You fucker!" "Wake up!" "Wake up!" "Baby!" "Baby!" "Baby!" "Baby, sit up!" "( man turns off radio )" "Honey, baby..." "That's it, honey!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Let's go..." "FH :" "I'll take you past the roses and garbage, and purple light and the sorrowful mystery bullshit to whatever's past that." "Michelle?" "Michelle?" "I mean it, baby." "To the rain in the desert." "Michelle:" "Who are you?" "I'm the soul for your soul." "I'm your man." "As for Wayne..." "he died." "I am still alive." "I'd been working in the emergency ward for about three weeks, I guess." "I'd taken the job, because Michelle was pregnant and I was trying to be responsible." "I had nothing to do on the overnight shifts so I went looking for Georgie, the orderly." "He often stole pills from the cabinet." "What am I gonna do about these fucking shoes, man?" "FH :" "U hh..." "Whatever you stole, I guess you ate it already, right?" "Listen to how they squish." "H uh-uh." "Let me just check your pockets, okay?" "Yeah..." " Yeah?" " No." " Oh..." " ( pills drop )" "Oh yeah, here's something." "Right?" "Yeah..." "I hope you didn't do this to him." "Me?" "No, he was like this." "My wife did it." "Who brought you in?" "Nobody..." "I just walked down." "It's only..." "three blocks." "We better get you lying down." "Okay, I feel ready for something like that." " Name?" " Terrance Weber." "Your face is dark, I can't see what you're saying." " Georgie..." " What are you saying, man?" " What's going on, Georgie?" " His face is dark." "N urse:" "How long ago did this happen?" "J ust a while ago." "My wife did it." "I was peeping on a lady next door, while she was bathing." "My wife waited until I fell asleep and then she decided she'd blind me." " Should I call the police?" " U hh..." "Not unless I die." "Here's the situation." "We need to get a team here, an entire team." "I want a good eye man, the best eye man, a great eye man." "I want a brain surgeon." "And I want a really good gas man, get me a genius." "I'm not touching that head." "We'll prep this guy, then we'll sit back, we'll sit tight." "Orderly?" "Orderly?" "Do you mean me?" "Should I get him prepped?" "Is this a hospital?" "Is this the emergency room?" "Is that a patient?" "Are you the orderly?" "Oh, hey, hey, we got a guy down here in the E. R." "with a knife, a hunting knife, sticking into his brain." "Yeah, it's sticking into his brain." "Well, yeah, the family service doctor, is here, but he is, uh..." "limited, and he says he's not going to touch the head." "So we need a great eye man, really quick, like the best that you've got, and a brain surgeon and a genius gas man-- yeah, a real good one." "Okay." "Okay, yeah." "Thanks a lot." "( Georgie sings )" "That person is not right, not at all, not one bit." "As long as my instructions are audible to him, it does not concern me." "Well, okay, don't chew my head off" "Okay." "All right." "The eye man is on vacation or something, but the operator is calling around to see if she can find someone just as good." "All the other specialists are hurrying through the night to join us." " Doctor #2:" "What have you got?" " A guy with a knife in his brain." "Oh boy..." "Patient complains of knife in the head." " Stabbing headache?" " ( laughter )" "Where'd you get that?" "Your shoelace is untied." "Oh." "How's the guy doing?" "Who?" "Well, it's just a miracle he didn't end up sightless or at least dead." "He's not dead?" "No, his vitals are normal and he still has excellent vision in his one good eye." " So he's alive?" " There was nothing wrong with him, it's just one of those things." "What do you do around here anyway?" "I save lives." "I think it's morning." " You want me to take you home?" " No, no way," "I feel like a giant helium balloon." "I got to" "Doctor." "I got to come down before Michelle sees me." "Come down?" "What are you doing with my stash, man?" " Hand it over." " All right." "It was just to stay awake." "Try "Nescafe," Dad." "Oh dear..." "Pretend it's the first time, like we're new." "Umm, all right." "Wait." "Umm..." "I know it's kind of fast." "I really like you." "Umm, can we just wait one second?" "It seems kinda fast." "I like it slow." "I don't care if it takes one second or it takes a million years." "I want to know everything about you." "All of it." "Ask me." "Like-- like what do you like?" "Like what?" "Like what kind of music?" "James Brown." "Are you in love with me yet?" " Shit." " Shit." " Say it." " Shit, we're in trouble." "Say it." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you." " I love you." " I love you." "We're wrecking like trains." "FH :" "I have to hold on to this job," "I have responsibilities now." "We're on the seven-month countdown to the baby." "You should clean out the hospital's speed stash, that way you can do double shifts." "Me and Michelle are trying to stay clean." " I want to go to church." " We should go to the county fair." "I'd like to worship, I would." "They have these injured hawks and eagles there, from the humane society." "Ineed a quiet chapel about now." "Whoo!" "That was the worst fair I've been to." " Where were the rides?" " There were rides." " I didn't see one ride!" " There was the, uh..." "merry-go-round." "There was a ferris wheel." "And there was "The Hammer"" "that people were bent over vomiting from, after they got off." " Are you completely blind?" " What was that?" " A rabbit!" " Something thumped." "You hit him, he thumped!" "Rabbit stew!" "Georgie:" "Where's my hunting knife?" " Where's my hunting knife?" "!" " Georgie..." "We'll camp in the wilderness, and in the morning we'll breakfast on its haunches!" "Fightingsoldiers from the sky" "Fearlessmen who jump and die" "Menwhomean just what they say" "Thebravemen of the Green Beret..." "Man, I should have been a doctor." "Oh, no way I'm eating those things!" "Take 'em, I got to drive." "Take 'em!" "Yeah!" "We killed the mother, and saved the children." "These rabbits better be kept warm." "Oh yeah?" " Oh no, they're hardly moving." " You know what we'll do?" "We'll get some milk and sugar, we'll raise 'em up ourselves." "They'll get as big as gorillas." "Do you think the blue ones are downers?" "The blue ones'll make you nod out and the yellows'll keep you going." " Which one do you want?" " I'll take both." "( Georgie whistles )" "Whooo!" "Georgie:" "Do you realize it's going to snow?" "This beautiful chill!" "This-- this-- this sudden crispness!" "The tang of evergreen stabbing me!" "Whoooo!" "Georgie:" "What's that smell?" "Hey, be careful about the bunnies." "FH :" "I got 'em, I got 'em." "Whoo!" "Ahead, yonder!" "I've never seen this cemetery before." "What cemetery?" "Georgie, can't you see?" "See what?" "Can't you see?" "See what?" "It's the drive-in, man." "Drive-in?" "They're showing movies and nobody's even here." "I see." "I , uh, I thought it was something else." "I have to get back." "How far are we from home?" "We're right outside town." "We've just been driving around and around." "This is no place to camp." "I can hear the interstate, right over there." "We better get some milk for the bunnies." "We don't-- we don't have milk." "We'll mix sugar up with it." "U h..." "J ust uh, forget it-- forget about the milk all of a sudden." "They're mammals, man!" "Naw, forget about the rabbits." "Where are they, anyway?" "You're not listening to me." "Forget... about..." "the rabbits." "Where are they?" "They-- they... umm-- they umm-- they slid around behind me, got squashed!" "They slid around behind?" "Oh my..." "God." "Everything is here-- little feet, eyelids, even whiskers-- deceased!" "Does everything you touch turn to shit?" "Does this happen to you every time?" "No wonder everybody calls me "Fuckhead."" "It's a name that's going to stick." "I realize that." ""Fuckhead", will ride you to your grave." "I already said so." "I agreed with you in advance." "Ohh, maybe that wasn't the night" "I rolled over on the bunnies, and flattened 'em." "Maybe that was another, another time-- anyway, it doesn't matter." "Wh-wh-- what's important for me to remember now is that early the next morning, the snow was melting off the windshield and the daylight woke me up and..." "I was gonna be a father." "I was 24, 25, something like that." "My fingertips were all yellow from smoking." "We'd come to Chicago, because Michelle was with child." "( group chanting prayer ) Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee." "Blessed are Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus." "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and the hour of our death..." "There was nothing stopping Michelle and me from having a baby-- except, ourselves." "Name?" "I'm sorry I'm late." "Michelle, Michelle." "My appointment was at 3:30." " Somewhere around there." " Here you are." "Come with me, hon'." "Let's get you settled." "You can't just stand there." "Then I'll go sit down over there." " That'll be fine" " I know that'll be fine." "Or you can watch the film." "What's the film?" "Vasectomy is a very simple procedure." "It's performed right here in the office setting, as a rule." "It is intended to be a permanent type of sterilization and I would hope that that's what you have in mind." "If you are not satisfied that this..." "I'm not ever getting anybody pregnant again." "I know that much." "Would you like to make an appointment?" "Would you like to give me the money?" "It won't take long to save the money." "It would take me forever to save the money." "N urse:" "Michelle is comfortable now." "Is she dead?" "How are you feeling?" "I don't know." "What did they stick up you?" "What?" "What?" "Hey, okay, outta here." "J ust-- just give me a minute." "I'm sorry, maybe we could-- maybe we could try again?" "Something is wrong with you." "N urse:" "This man doesn't need to be in the building." " Wait outside, sir." " There just wasn't enough time!" "Wait outside, please, sir." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..." "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..." "( screaming )" "The Catholics splashed holy water on my cheek and on the back of my neck, and I didn't feel a thing." "Not for many years." "Think of being curled up and floating in a darkness." "Even if you could think, even if you had an imagination, would you ever imagine its opposite?" "This miraculous world-- the Asian Taoists called it "1 0,000 things"-- and if the darkness just got darker, and then you were dead, would you care?" "How would you even know the difference?" "... you'regonnabe so happy." "You're gonna feel so..." "The next morning, I got back to the Rebel Motel, and there was John Smith." "You drive around in this striped-pink car thing, like a real car, except smaller, everywhere you want to go." "( music playing on the radio )" " ( music stops )" " Get out of my house." "If this is your house, pal, it's no wonder your woman's hittin' the road." "Hey, where you going?" " Michelle?" " Mexico." "John's got some work for me." "Ohh, pfff!" "And there's these birds, those huge white birds that float around on lakes and stuff like that?" " They're called swans!" " Whatever they're called." "They're called swans." "They mate for life!" "Well, I don't really give a fuck who they mate for." "Anyway, they're all over the place down there." " Pfft." "Michelle" " Are you high?" "No." "Yeah." "But, I need to talk to you." "She's got her future to think of." "John, just keep out of it." "What if you just tried a little harder?" "What if you just tried to make it work?" "What if you just pretended you were the one?" "Don't do this, baby." "Are you gonna answer my question or not?" "What question?" "There was a guy, down near the front of the car..." "and there was something about him." "I don't know what it was." "I followed him because" "I don't know why." "I guess he looked lucky." "Satanisbreeding and working in spirit" "Youcanseehim  and hear him" "Inthisworld every day" "Satanisbreeding, working with power" "Hecantemptyou  and lead you astray." "Preacher:" "I attended service at a little church not long ago." "The prayer was lead by an old country preacher who then raised his hands..." "Hey, man." "What's happening?" "The cops wanted to talk to Benny." " How come?" "What did he do?" " He had his hood up." "They were looking for a guy with a hood up." " What'd he do?" " Nothing, nothing, some guy got murdered last night." "Preacher:" "... Youcanseehim  in the destruction of homes torn apart." "I know that Satan is real, for once I had a happy home." "I was loved and respected by my family." "I was looked upon as a leader in my community." "And then Satan came into my life..." "Man:" "Hey?" "You were on the El." "You following me?" "Hey!" "I took off because my throat was closing up-- suddenly I had an erection." "I knew men got that way about men, but I didn't know I did." "His chest was like Christ's." "That's..." "probably who he was." "I could have followed anybody off that train, it would have been the same." "Oh, Michelle." "Michelle, Michelle..." "Yeah, for some reason, Mexico stands out in my mind." "( phone rings )" "Hello?" "Iowa City?" "Anyway, like I started to tell you before," "I was hitching a ride, looking for Michelle." "I'm gifted with love." "I love my kids, I love all my relatives." "The pills the traveling salesman had fed me made the lining of my veins feel scraped out." "My jaw ached." "I knew every raindrop..." "by its name." "I sensed everything before it happened." "I knew a certain Oldsmobile would stop for me even before it slowed." "And by the sweet voices of the family inside it..." "I knew we'd have an accident in the storm." "( tires screech )" "( choking gasps )" "FH :" "It's all right..." "you're gonna be okay." "( truck approaching )" "There's been an accident." "Go for help!" "You smell." "Umm, so how was Mexico?" "Hot." "But I made good money." "I was gonna go down there and find you, but then I heard you were here." "I was in a bad car wreck." "What?" "Were you driving?" "What difference does it make?" "People died." "I saved the baby." "What are you talking about?" "Nothing, forget about it." "U hh..." "I shouldn't have come here" " I'm going." "No... comeinside..." "Look, I'm clean." "I can help you." "We stayed in that place for a week." "We made love in the bed, ate steaks at the restaurant." "We fought, cried, begged of one another, forgave, promised." "Then..." "carried one another to heaven." "Then one night, after one of our fights," "I left and walked the streets." "I'm sorry." "My sweet angel..." "I'm sorry." "What?" "Baby?" "Michelle, wake up, wake up." "Baby..." "Baby!" "Wake up!" "Wake up, wake up!" "Come on!" "Hey, wake up." "Hey, do you want to buy a pill?" "What kind of pill?" "It's psychedelic mushrooms, all ground up." "That's the biggest pill I've ever seen." "Look at it." "It's like an egg." "It's like an Easter thing." "( rock music playing )" "Doctor:" "Are you hearing any unusual sounds or voices?" "Oh God, help us!" "Not exactly." ""Not exactly." Now what does that mean?" "I'm not ready to go into that." "It's okay." "It'll be okay." " ( wretching )" " The gauze." "Doctor:" "Okay, he's convulsing!" "We need an orderly in here quick!" "Don't get tricky with the mustache." "Okay so far?" "Yeah, so far." "I'll do the other side." "That would make sense, partner." "There are some people out there who would like to know a thing or two about you." "Would you describe yourself for those people?" "Oh, I don't know." "I'm like a fat piece of shit, I guess." "He's overweight." " I've been shot twice, though." " Twice?" "Yeah, once by each wife." "Total of three bullets, making four holes." "Three in, one out." "And you're still alive?" " Are you kidding?" " No." "Well that's too bad, because it makes you sound stupid asking if I'm alive, 'cause obviously I am." "Well, maybe..." " I mean, alive..." " Careful." "... ina deepersense." "You could be talking and still not be alive in a deeper sense." "Well there's no deeper shit than the kind we're in right now." "What are you talking about?" "It's great here." " They even give you cigarettes." " They didn't give me any, yet." "Here you go." "Thanks." "Pay me back when you get yours?" "Maybe." "You got a wife?" "No." "I mean-- no, but I just can't talk about that right now." "Look, there's no problem." "You don't have to talk about it." "So what did you say when she shot you?" "I said, "You shot me!"" "Both times, both wives?" "The first time, I didn't say anything," " because she shot me in the mouth." " All right, so you couldn't talk." "No, I was knocked out cold, is the reason I couldn't talk." "And I still remember the dream that I had when I was knocked out that time." "What was the dream?" "How can I explain that to you?" "It was a dream, it didn't mean a fucking thing." "Anything, anything at all." "Well, there is one thing." "The dream that I had keeps coming back over and over, and I mean, when I'm awake." "Every time I think about my first wife," "I remember that she pulled the trigger on me, then, here comes the dream." "Did you see that Elvis Presley movie, "Follow That Dream"?" "I did see that, and I was just gonna mention that." " You saw that?" " No." "Okay, you're all done." "There was a song, "Follow That Dream," too." " Look in the mirror." " Right." "What do you see?" "How did I get so fat, when I hardly eat?" "Is that all?" "Wrecked cars?" " Any people in them?" " Yeah." "Who?" "People who are just dead meat now, man." "Is that really how it is?" "How would I know how it is?" "I just got here and it stinks." "Are you kidding?" "They're pumping halodol by the quart." "It's a playpen." "Yeah, well, I'm older than you are." "You can still go on the wheel a couple more times and get off with all your arms and legs stuck on, right?" "Not me." "Hey, you're doing fine." "Hey, talk into here." "Talk into your bullet hole?" "Yeah." "Talk into my bullet hole..." "and tell me that I'm fine." "So, that brings me up to Phoenix." "I was a whimpering dog inside, nothing more than that." "When I found a job writing "The Beverly Home" newsletter," "I believed I was happy about it because people, counselors, Narcotics Anonymous members and such, seemed to think a job was a happy thing." "Not all of the people living at the Beverly Home were old." "Some were young but paralyzed, some weren't past middle age, but were already demented." "Others were fine, but they couldn't be allowed out on the streets with their impossible deformities." "They made God look like a senseless maniac." "There's a price to be paid for dreaming!" "You and I ..." "don't know about these diseases until we get them." "In which case, we will also be put out of sight." "Oh, here he is, got to go." " How's it going?" " Hi." "Here's the um-- here's the next issue." "You know, it's part of your job to touch the residents here." "These people, more than anything, they need to be touched." " Oh, okay." " So when you say "hello,"" "be sure to put your hands on them." "Okay, okay." "Okay, good." "Each day, on my way to Beverly Home," "I'd walk by a row of houses on the way to the bus stop." "One day, I heard the sound of a woman singing." "She must not have understood that somebody might be able to hear her." "( water running, singing )" "I thought of mermaids." "Cheerup,my brother" "Livein the sunshine" "We'llunderstandit all by and by" "OftenI wonder why I must too be..." "( car door opens )" "Man:" "I use to walk around at night, all alone..." "and all screwed up, you know?" "You ever do that?" "Walk past the houses with the curtains in the windows and you feel like you're toting a big cart of sins behind you?" "And did you ever think that, behind those windows, behind those curtains, that people are leading normal, happy lives?" "H uh?" "Well, that's my goal now, is to be one of those people, on the other side of those curtains." " Have my own window, you know?" " ( door creaks open )" "Counselor:" "Thanks, Chris, thanks a lot for your story, man." "Is anyone going downtown?" "No, sorry, I'm not." "Are you going home?" "Yeah, but I'm stopping by my mother's." " Where you headed?" " Las Colinas Blvd." "I'll take you there, come on." "So what brought you here?" " You mean, to AA?" " No, to Phoenix." "Oh, I don't know." "A couple of reasons." "For one, I thought my brother was here." "Well, is he?" " U h, no." " It's right here." "I don't know." "I don't know where he is." "What was the other reason?" "My... girl-- my girlfriend's not here-- around anymore." "She OD'd." "Oh God." "I know what that's like." "It's open." " Can you hold this?" " Yeah." "N urse!" " Let me help you" " Get off the chair!" "Off the chair!" "Get your hands off!" "Okay, okay." "Help me, I'm stuck." " All right, there you go" " Off the chair!" "I know where I'm going." "FH :" "Sometimes her husband came home before I left." "Seeing them in their get-up, I understood-- they were Amish!" "More likely Mennonites." "( slurred speech )" "What?" "I ... ufff" "I'm sorry, but I can't understand." "It's all right, Max, it's all right." " Here, let go." " ( hollering )" "All right, fine." "Max got a letter today." "His wife's divorcing him." "She dropped him off here two years ago and never came back." "Here, I think you better wait outside." "C'mon, Max, let's go inside." "( Max screams )" "FH :" "No more pretending for him." "He was completely and openly a mess." "Meanwhile, the rest of us go on trying to fool each other." "Fartheralong" "We'llknowallaboutit" "Fartheralong" "We'llunderstandwhy" "Whilethereareothers living in comfort" "Whilewefeellost, I linger and weep" "Faithfultilldeath, says our loving master" "OnlyamI to labor and wait" "Thenwillourtoils all soon be forgotten" "( door opens )" "Aswesweepthrough the beautiful gate" "Fartheralong, we'll know all about it..." "Take what you need." "Fartheralong, we'll understand why" "Cheerup,my brother, live in the sunshine" "We'llunderstandit all by and by." "I had one boyfriend who got killed by a train." "His car stalled on the tracks and he thought he could get his motor firing before the engine caught him, but he was wrong." "My first husband..." "fell through 1 ,000 evergreen branches in the mountains, up around Cholo." "He was a tree surgeon and he crushed his head." "I had a boyfriend in the Marines who got it in Vietnam-- well, two boyfriends who died in the Marines." "Another one named Zack got killed in a one-car accident, right out of basic training." "Almost... everyman I've ever loved..." "ended up getting killed." "I told you about my third husband, didn't I?" "The one who almost bought the pet shop?" "( woman sobs )" "He was the one who OD'd." "He was the one who OD'd." "If it wasn't for him dying, I'd probably still be out there, but that woke me up." "I was married to a black guy once, but..." "he got shanked in prison." "That means stabbed, stabbed to death." "Doesn't it make you grateful?" "Because they were people just like us, only unluckier." "I have an announcement to make, and an apology." "It seems that I forgot..." "left out..." "somebody's birthday last month." "Isaac Cristopherson turned an impressive 7 0." "Whoo." " Whooo!" " Whoo!" "Many happy returns to you, Isaac." "There will be..." "six birthday people next month." "And watch for the November "Beverly Home News"" "to find out who they are!" "Whoo!" "Woo-hoo, way to go!" "Whoo whoo." "( country music plays )" "Hey!" "Glad you're here." "Hi." "Oh, hi." "How are you?" "I'm fine." "What about you?" "I was hoping maybe I'd see you here." "Want this?" "Oh, okay, thanks." "You weren't at the last couple of meetings." "Oh yeah." "Well, I don't come to all the meetings." "It was really my husband's-- my last husband." "I just come for the support." "Oh, oh..." "I didn't know." "So, how about you?" "How's it going?" "Well, it's all right." "I'm taking a new approach to life." "Um, I'm not stealing." "I'm trying to see each task through to its end-- that kind of thing, you know, simple." "That's good." "( slow song begins playing )" "Do you dance?" "I mean, would you-- do you think you'd like to dance?" "Usually I just watch." "Oh yeah, yeah." " But okay." " Really?" "Sure, it's no big deal." "You need the uhh... ?" "Oh no, that's okay." "...But Ican't" "Just the thought of you" "Turnsmywholeworld misty blue" "Oh,honey..." "Justthemention of your name" "Turnstheflicker to a flame" "Listentome  good, baby..." "Ithinkof thethings we used to do" "Andmywholeworld turns misty blue..." "That's nice, yes, I like that." "( whispering ) Fuck." "Damn." "Goddamn." "Fuck." "Fuck." "( both chuckle )" "( moaning )" "( moaning louder )" "As for the Mennonite couple, after about a month, you could almost say our schedules were coordinated." "I just got so I enjoyed seeing them sitting in their living room talking, or saying grace, or eating their supper." "Woman:" "You're not being fair!" "I don't want to talk about it." "( woman sighs )" "I was still learning to live sober." "And, in fact, I was often confused, but I was in a little better shape every day." "I was getting my looks back and this was, all in all, a happy time for me." "I didn't spend a lot of time there, but I felt about the circular hallway of the Beverly Home as I felt about the place..." "where..." "in-between our lives on this earth, we go back to mingle with other souls, waiting to be born." "All these..." "weirdos... andme , getting a little better everyday right in the middle of 'em." "I'd never known..." "I had never even imagined for a heartbeat..." "that there might be a place in the world for people like us." "Fartheralong, we'll know all about it" "Fartheralong, we'll understand why" "Cheerup,my brother, live in the sunshine" "We'llunderstandit" "Allbyandby" "We'llunderstandit" "Allbyandby." "There'sanairlineplane" "Fliestoheaveneveryday" "Pastthempearlygates" "Doyouwanna ride this train?" "Haveyourticket in your hand" "Beforeitis toolate" "Iftheworldlookswrong" "Andyourmoney's spent and gone" "Andyourfriend has turned away" "Youcangetaway to heaven" "Onthisairplane" "Justbowyourhead  and pray" "Who'sgotears, let them hear" "Who'sgoteyes, let them see" "Turnyoureyes to the Lord of the skies" "Takethatairlineplane" "It'lltakeyouhomeagain" "Here's..." "Toyourhome beyond the skies" "Wella lotof peopleguess" "Somesayno  and some say yes" "Takesomeand leave some behind" "It'syouthatsurelyknow" "Towardtheairportgo" "Toleavethisworldbehind, just leave this world behind" "Who'sgotears, let them hear" "Who'sgoteyes, let them see" "Turnyoureyes to the Lord of the skies" "Takethatairlineplane" "It'lltakeyou home again" "Here's..." "Toyourhomebeyondtheskies" "Well,a lot of speakers speak" "Anda lotof preacherspreach" "Whenyoulay their salary on the line" "Buttobowyourhead  and pray" "Istheonlyearthlyway" "Youcanfly to heaven on time" "Youcanreach heaven on time" "Yourticketyouobtain" "Onthisheavenly airline plane" "Youcanleave your sins behind" "You'vegottatake this flight" "Beitdaytime, might be night" "Youcan'tseeyourway if you're blind" "Youcan'tsee your way if you're blind" "Who'sgotears, let them hear" "Who'sgoteyes, let them see" "Turnyoureyes to the Lord of the skies" "Sotakethatairlineplane" "It'lltakeyouhomeagain" "Here's..." "Toyourhome beyond the skies."