"Every year,I try out for the school play,and every year,I get some 1-line part." "It's humiliating." "I can't do it agaiai lauren,"can't" is a 4-letter word." "Ad as the words that they use on the streets and in cable television." "Worse actually." "I'd rather hear you say one of those." "Not really,but in theory." "I definitely see little of myself in lauren In high school," "I wanted to star in the musical,too,but somehow I always ended up playing the maid." "captain von trapp,fraulein maria has arrived." ""Jesus christ superstar" doesn't even have a maid,but they wrote one in." "I still remember my line" ""are you done with that coffee,jesus?"" "I know just what you're going through." "I will talk to mr." "Shoemaker for you." "Mr. Shoemaker isn't directing this year." "Like all little boys,I dreamed of broadway." "Then one day,I woke up and realized I was directing *****" "I had a minor psychological episode, and huffy put me on paid leave." "So who's directing?" "It's such an important job." "Principal huffy hasn't decided yet." "He hasn't?" "Anyway,the main reason I wanted to talk to you is because my parents are getting a divorce." "Oh,lauren,that's terrible." "Could you excuse me for one second?" "principal huffy!" "I know that probably everyone and their sister has been in here pleading their case, but I think I can knock it out of the park,and before you say no, please take into consideration my passion and my dedication." "I must direct the musical." "Fine." "Do not let me down." "I won'T." "I won't." "Thank you,phil." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Okay,now tell me about that divorce." "Five ads?" "All you've sold is five quarter-page ads?" "None of you can close a deal to save your lives." "Write this down-- "I can't sell an ad to save my life."" "Don't touch that pen." "Pens are for closers." "You're fired,all of you." "Get out." "Leave your ad books." " You're a disgrace to drama ad sales." " sorry,mr." "Terry." "You wanted to see me?" "Yes." "I was hoping I could ask you about-- is that a new shirt?" "Bruce,what do you want?" "It's very nice." "My grandmother justought the exact same one at a thrift store." "I paid a lot of money for this." "Lisa germain is out of my league,or at least, she used to be before I read a little book called "the game."" "In a nutshell,it says the best way to land a beautiful woman is to exploit their insecurity." "If you do it right,they'll think the best they can do is you, and in this case,that you is me." "So why did you want to see me?" "Well,I was hoping you could help me with ad sales for the play program." "Ah,you ow what?" "Forget it." "You're already busy teaching english and getting your nails done, buying thrift store clothes at top-dollar prices." "You make me sound like some sort of dilettante." "I have no idea what that is." "I'm guessing it's a french pastry." "Look,you're a very creative person,but ad sales require a business mind." "I'm not sure it's up your alley." "I should probably just ask a guy." "Get me a phone book." "I'll sell 50 ads by the end of the week." "And the lisa fish is on the hook." "Now it's just a matter of reeling her in,taking off her skin and eating her for dinner." "Not in a "silence of the lambs" way." "It's just a metaphor." "4 WEEKS TO CURTAIN" "thank you for your audition,billy." "We'll let you know." "Hey,becky,thanks for approving a new saw." "I went a little over budget,but I'm finding ways to cut corners-- no safety goggles." "The sets have to look professional." "This is a becky freeley production." "I want everyone to be blown away." " Sit down." " Really?" "Lauren,you're up." "* love is a many-splendored thing * * it's the april rose *" "I realize lauren's not quite there yet, but with the proper support,she will be." "Besides,it's a high school musical." "It's not like anyone's that great." "* At last * * my love has come along * * my lonely days are over *" "quiet,everyone." "Thank you,michelle." "She'll be great lead." "Now the moment you've all been waiting for-- and the title role of miss saigon goes to... lauren matthews." " Oh,my god!" " what?" "I'm not a moron." "I know michelle's the better sin it's why she's been the lead the past two years, but the world needs girls like me to get girls like lauren out of those ridiculous maid costumes and into the spotlight where they can finally shine." "You're welcome,world." "Miss Guided Season01 Episode06" "That sounds great." "You're very generous." "Thank you so much." "And the soup nook wants a full-page ad." "That makes 50." "I'm sorry I ever doubted you." "Looks like you've earned yourself a hug." " That's okay - come on." "I don't think so." " Last chance." " No." "Once these arms go down,they're not coming back up." "okay,would you at least be willing to shake my hand?" " Sure." " Psych." "that wasn't from "the game." That was all me." "The mouse has now taken the cheese." "I'm so close,I can almost taste the mouse." "Not that I want to taste a mouse again." "It's a long story." "Just take my word for it-- don't lick a mouse." "1 WEEK TO CURTAIN" "okay,let's take it from the top,everybody. ready?" "And five,six,seven,eight." "One,two,three,four,five,six,seven,ei-- ms." "Freeley,I need to speak to you about the show's budget." "******* *** exceeded it." "my bad." "Hey,how important is the moon,the prop one?" "Really,really important." "Oh,that's too bad." "Ms. Freeley,no more mistakes." "I'll be watching." "I need another string of lights." "Okay,everyone,take five." "that's five." "you okay?" "I'm just feeling so stressed out." "If I screw this up,I'm gonna make a fool of myself,and huffy's gonna kill me." "Well,these things are hard work." "Tell you what,when it's all over with, we'll go out to dinner,you know,to celebrate." "Uh,ye,that sounds cool." "I mean,you never know." "No,actually,I do know." "I'm up for it,so it's official-  we're gonna go to dinner." " Good." "Dinner it is." "all right." "I gotta go." "3 DAYS TO CURTAIN" "I totally and completely stink." "Obviously you overheard those kids." "Don't listen to them." "They're just jealous." "What kids?" "No kids." "What happened?" "You were so excited when you got the part." "Ms. Freeley,my singing is still weak... my dancing is cisy,and I don't know if I can kiss matt onstage." "Lauren,all actresses get a case of the doubts,even dame judi dench." "Maybe." "Probably not.She's so good." "But you get the point." "This is your dream." "I know,but maybe I should just stick to writing my newspaper column." "Sweetie,if I'm pushing you a little hard,it's just because I believe in you." "Okay." "Thanks." "Ms. Freeley,don't we have an appointment at 2:00?" "Oh,I have a dress rehearsal in ten minutes, so can you just text me the problem?" "I'll text you back A.S.A.P." " what?" " Nothing." "What?" "Your hair looks much betterown." "People were talking about it earlier,but whatever." "Oh,really?" "See ya." "checkmate." "She is now starting to believe I'm her only shot." "My path is cle." "Ms. Germain,these arrived for you." " for me?" " Yeah." "Who--who are they from?" "They're from my ex." "He wants to go to dinner tomorrow night." "Oh,super." "check un-mate." "1 DAY TO CURTAIN the cong is tightening the noose." "The cong is tightening the noose." "Lauren,the line is,"do you want to hear one more tale of a vietnam girl?"" "I'm sorry,I just--I keep forgetting that last line." " It's okay." " I'm really sorry." "You'll get it eventually." "We will stay all night if we have to." "Why don't you take a break?" "Tim,can I talk to you for a minute?" "The spotlight needs to follow her cross!" "Not now!" " You wanted to see me?" " Yes." "I'll be right there." "Anybody seen freeley?" "Uh,no." "All right." "Well,tell her I'm looking for her." "Budget problems." "It's nothing." "Um,I need the helicopter blades to be longer." "Uh,last week you said they were fine." "Well,things have changed since last week." "Last week I didn't realize that "miss saigon" isn't just musical theater-- that it's a jungle war." "Last week I didn't have huffy chasing me everywhere with a calculator, and last week I didn't realize I was risking my academic career on a theatrical train wreck." "Yeah,it's not that bad." "Have you heard lauren sing?" "she's not good." "my only hope is gettg her in that helicopter so that no one can hear her." "So what do you e to d" "I need drama." "I ne longer blades." "You know the thing doesn't actually fly,right,becky?" "You know,fine." "I'll do it myself." "Yeah,you shouldn'T." "It's a really sharp saw." " "Can't" is a 4-letter word." " I didn't say,"can'T."" "First of all,you've got to get it lined up right." "I think I just cut off my thumb." "OPENING NIGHT" "I wish you would have let me take you to the hospital yestday." "You said you had a script meeting." "I did." "What I mean is that I wish circumstances would have allowed me to take you to the hospitayesterday." "I don't want you to think that I'm too distracted to care about you." "curtain in ten minutes." "We'll talk later." "all crew to places." "All crew to places." "How's my miss saigon?" "I'm freaking out,ms." "Freeley." "I've gotta get out of here." "It's your big night." "You have to go out there and show them you're a star." "I'm really worried about disappointing you." "You're not gonna disappoint me." "Just try your befuN." "Now take a deep breath." "better?" "Yes,because I'm quitting." "I'm sorry." "Lauren!" "I'm sorry,ms." "Freeley." "I can'T." "Oh,my god." "oh,my god." "I look so hot in this uniform." "Great news,michelle." "You got the lead." "What?" "But I don't know the part." "Knowing the part isn't a luxury we have right now." "Lauren quit." " what?" " Just go out there and wing it." "But I know,like,none of it." "Well,then I don't know what to do." "Huffy's gonna kill me." "I have to cancel the play." " Excuse me?" " no." "No,you can't cancel it." "We've worked so hard on it." "No,please,ms." "Freeley." "They let my dad out of prison for three hours so he could come see me." "Typical." "This never would have happened with mr." "Shoemaker." "You're not helping things,G.I.Number three." "I'm sorry,guys,I don't want to cancel the play,but what other choice do I have?" "* I'm 17,and I'm new here today * * the village I come from seems so far away * * all of the girls know much more what to say * * but I know I have a heart like the sea *" "* a million dreams are in me *" "it was definitely awkward, but I just kept telling myself if it's award for you, imagine how awkward it was for miss saigon herself, an innocent vietnamese girl forced into prostitution and singing about it." "no ins." "No outs." "You leave,you can't go back." "But there's no bathroom in the auditorium." "Not my problem." "You're late." "How was the ex?" "Oh,as charming as ever." "I got all dolled up and drove 20 minutes just so he could ask for my engagement ring back." "Are you okay?" "I'm fine." "Let's just count the receipts and get this night over with." "I felt really bad for lisa,but I would have felt really bad for me if I didn't try to take advantage of the situation, not that having a bottle of wine and some cheese in the office is taking advantage." "It's just preparation." "* the heat is on in saigon * * the heat is on in saigon *" "I have to admit, it felt pretty good when they all started clapping." "Principal huffy even stood up." "The doctor said if i the blood in my legs could clot." "Miombre es kim.******" "Don't say a word." "Come with me." "What are you doing?" "Kissing you." "It's in the script." "Matt,wait." "Wait." "Come on,ms." "Freeley." "It's cool." "Holy moly pull the curtain." "Pull the curtain.Pull the curtain!" "matt,stop it!" "oh,my lord  taylor." "My whole life,I always thought of myself as lisa germain--winner." "You know,i was a winner." "I was really hot,you know?" "I just can't believe that I'm back here." "I would argue you aren't here enough." "Not in your office." "The school." "I know." "I know." "Thank god you got me here,or you'd go insane." "my husband left me for a 23-year-old office temp, and tonight was actually lonely enough to want him back." "life was just a lot easier for me in high school." "Unfortunately,I didn't know you in high school." "If I had,we'd probably still be together." "But I can tell you this-- every woman in this place wishes she were you." "really?" "Your ex-husband is an idiot." "He made a huge mistake." "*******" "so that didn't go exactly how I planned." "I don't even wanna know what huffy's gonna do to me." "Well,I heard it was matt's first kiss." "At least he didn't get to second base." "not for lack of trying." "So I know there's not much to celebrate,but I thought if you're hungry, after I change,we could still grab that dinner." "You know,like we talked about?" "Uh,you know what?" "I think I'm gonna go home." "*****And we're both pretty stressed out." "Plus I gotta go ice thumb." "They probably have ice at the restaurant." "Yeah,I'm gonna go home and do it." "Yeah,that's probably smart." "Go with the ice you know." "hey,sad eyes." "Give it a rest,matt." "good morning,jackrabbits." "Today is steroid awareness day." "Please leave urine samples in the nurse's office." "This is for athletes only." "All other urine will be returned." "On a related note,tonight's spirit team practice has been canceled due to a lack of interest." "Jackrabbits rule." "hey,weren't you wearing the same thing yesterday,lisa?" "Shh,quiet. people will hear you." "Big deal." "So they'll find out we slept together." " What?" " I'm kidding." "I slept on the floor like a proper gentleman, right next to you,watching you breathe." "Oh,god." "I'm kidding again,and,see,this-- this is what makes us great." "Bruce,there is no s," okay?" "I was drunk,and I made a mistake." "And one day,you'll be even more drunk and make a bigger mistake." "I plan to be there when it happens." "It's called destiny." "We are never going t-- forget it." "Listen,I would really appreciate it if we could just keep the kiss between us." "Why?" "Because otherwise things could get awkward." "Not for me." "Oh,fine." "I won't tell anyone." "But you and I both know what happened, and we'll think about tonight when we go to sleep or tomorrow when we wake up or maybe in our office when we're bored." "You know what,bruce?" "Wh my husband left me,I thought that I had hit rock bottom, but last night,I fell through that bottom, and I hit a new bottom,and that bottom was you." "I've got her right where I want her." "Hey,how's your thumb?" "It's shorter." "I'm so sorry about everything." "It was my all-time low." "Really?" "It wasn't kissing a teenager?" "Oh,yeah." "That,too." "How humiliating." "Hmm,humiliating,but kind of funny." " I'm glad you got a laugh out of it." " Just a little." "Enough to make up for your thumb?" "Nope." " I got you this." " Really?" "Cool." "Safety goggles." "They totally work." "Thank you." "And I thought I could take you out for that dinner we missed to celebrate my new restraining order from matt's parents." "Sure,maybe." "Oh,by the way,huffy's looking for you." "How did he seem?" " Grumpier than usual." " Oh,no." "I should go." "I'm fired." "I'm fired." "I'm fired.I'm fired.I'm--phil!" "What the hell were you thinking,kissing a kid?" "Phil,may I just say in my own defense that..." "I failed." "You sure did." "If mr." "Shoemaker had pulled that,he would be in jail." "I knew going into this jail was a possibility." "But apparently,the kids loved it." "This goes a long way with me." "So I'm not fired?" "No." "You do know,uh,you won't be directing any more musicals while I'm alive." "That's probably best." "Okeydokey." "So I read your "miss saigon" review." "Don't be mad." "Why would I be mad?" "I think it's wonderful but I skewered you." "********* you're not mad?" "Lauren,all I ever wanted for you-- for us,if you want the truth,was a chance, because I think the worst thing in life is to look back on an unfulfilled dream and wonder,"what if?"" "I guess." "Now we both have the answers to our "what ifs?"" "We're terrible." "But this-- this you're really good at." ""30 years after the end of the vietnam war," ""becky freeley's production of 'miss saigon' gives vietnam one final kick."" "I'm so proud of you."