"Jeez!" "What the hell are you doing?" "You screwed up for the last time, Cooperdick." "Come on, get the ball!" "Nice game, Cooperdick." "Hey, slick." "It wasn't your fault, man." "Tell that to them." "It was a good game." "Come on." "Cooperdick, you're a bad joke." "We're gonna settle this later, pal." "Why don't you guys leave him alone." "Cut it out." "Cut it off, you mean." "I'm trying my hardest out there." "You couldn't play for the March of Dimes, Coopersmith." "Well, I am playing." "The coach says I get to play." "The coach?" "Coach that." "Knock it off!" "Come on girls." "This place looks like a shit house." "You got five minutes to shower and get the hell out of here." "Hey Coach, are you really gonna play him against John Paul Jones?" "Everybody plays sports here, Bubba." "I guess that's another game we're gonna lose?" "Come here, Bubba." "Listen to me." "You know the policy as well as I do." "Everybody plays two out of every four quarters, now what the hell you expect me to do about that?" "Huh?" "Now, if something happened to Coopersmith so he couldn't play..." "Hey Slick, you still on extra duty at the chapel?" "Yeah, I got to start cleaning that freaking cellar today." "I'll bet you'll be down there all year." "Maybe 'til he graduates." "Hey, Cooperdick, you should really take advantage of visiting day." "Maybe you could get out of your detail." "Big dope." "You have to have a mother and a father." "Coopersmith's are dead." "Oh." "Maybe they'll let the lady from the welfare office visit you." "Maybe they'll let her pass as your mother." "Hey." "The way I see it, Mrs. Caldwell, the military's the backbone of this country, our only hope in preserving this democratic way of life of ours, good stock and breeding will tell." "There was a time when only the sons of the right families attended our academy here, but now, due to our financial condition, we're obliged to take in welfare cases like Coopersmith." "Reverend?" "Reverend Jameson?" "Reverend?" "Reverend Jameson?" "What the hell are you doing down here?" "I'm on punishment duty, Sir." "Um, well, I came down looking for the Reverend." "I'll just start cleaning out the cellar." "Nobody told me about it." "Well you know, I bet you he forgot." "Nobody knows you're down here, huh?" "Coopersmith?" "Oh, it's you, Sir." "When I didn't find you upstairs, I came down here and started cleaning some of this junk, and well then, I ran into the Sarge here." "Sargent, Private Coopersmith is on a punishment detail." "Punishment?" "Yes, and I want you to give him a hand." "Why..." "I don't have enough to do as it is." "Coopersmith here will do all the work." "Okay." "Okay." "There's the Reverend." "Pardon my dust." "I just come up from the cellar." "I've just been giving Mrs. Caldwell a tour of the grounds." "I've always admired the architecture of your school." "Why, thank you." "But what always intrigued me, is the chapel." "I think the Reverend has a better background of that than I." "He made a study of it." "I was curious about the old building myself, so I..." "I started to do a little digging." "Oh, come on." "Come on, guy." "Jesus." "And the founder of the order was a certain Father Esteban." "You see, the actual land that the school sits on, was given to Esteban in an order of Spanish monks when they fled the inquisition." "Oh my God." "Wow." "What a score." "Ugh." "Rumor has it that before being executed," "Esteban vowed to return and extract his revenge." "The signal would manifest itself on these very grounds." "Hmm." "How interesting." "Crowbar." "Did you enjoy your tour of the chapel, Mrs. Caldwell?" "Oh, I certainly did." "Reverend Jameson was most informative." "Oh, there's Douglas." "Douglas." "You have a fine son there, Mrs. Caldwell." "Thank you." "Mother's going now." "Give her a kiss." "Oh, Mom." "I hope we have the financial resources to do right by him." "Oh, I'm sure you will, Colonel." "I'll have a talk with the Senator tonight." "He's very big on military causes, especially tax exempt ones." "Nice to have you." "They unplugged my clock." "Damn." "Look at my clothes." "Rise, arise... get possession of, become master of." "greedy, attack." "You are late, Coopersmith." "I hope you have an unimpeachable excuse." "Your silence pleases me, Coopersmith." "I will consider any excuse unacceptable short of your being detained from visitors from outer space." "I take it we can rule out extraterrestrial interference?" "Yes, sir." "Now, with your permission, I will continue." "Gentlemen, over the next few weeks, we will be campaigning as Julius Caesar." "We will try to duplicate Caesar's military strategy as well as read Latin." "The final exam will consist of questions about that strategy as well as your ability to master Latin grammar and vocabulary." "For your sake, I hope that all of you have become little experts at conjugation, declension and irregular verbs." "Also, let me emphasize strongly the importance of the model assignment upon which you are working." "I expect nothing less than perfection in concept and execution." "Remember, this is a military academy." "Any mistake big or small will be dealt with in the most severe terms." "Understood?" "You must never forget you're being trained in a military career." "An inferior model will earn you an F in this class." "A word to the wise, Coopersmith." "Dismissed." "Not you, Coopersmith." "This is the second time you have been late this week" "I want you to report to the Colonel's office after your last class." "I do not understand you, Coopersmith." "You have a fine mind... if only you were to apply yourself." "I do try, Sir." "Well, you know my model catapult?" "I'm using one of the computers to check my configurations so it will be really accurate." "Hmm." "I hope it is for your sake." "Now, you'd best get out of here or you will be late for your next class." "Yes, Sir." "What's the matter with you Cooperdick?" "What's the matter, huh?" "Come get your hat." " What's the matter?" " Oh." "Hey!" "Why don't you guys leave 'em alone?" "How would you like to follow his hat?" "Break it up." "Come on." " Good afternoon, men." " Good afternoon, Sir." "Jo Jo, I hope you men are ready for the game on Saturday." "Yes, Sir." "And let's not forget the rally." "We want to have some good fun." " We wouldn't miss it, Sir." " That's right, Sir." "Coopersmith, where's your hat?" " I lost it." " Well, find it." "The good Lord doesn't want you out of uniform... and neither do I." " Good day, men." " Good day, Sir." "Good day, Reverend." "Good of you to come." "Come inside." "And leave your books out here." "I'm disappointed in you, boy." "I could understand if you didn't have what it takes, but your record shows you have an above average IQ, and what concerns me is your inability to get along with the others." "I'd be remiss in my duty if I didn't do all in my power to see to it that you take every advantage of what we have to offer here." "Now, I know you miss your folks, but you have to accept the fact that they're gone and make the best of it." "We have a mission at this academy, and that mission is to turn out young men for the military, so from now on, I'm going to keep a special eye on you." "I'm going to see to it personally that you tow the line." "I'm going to make a good soldier out of you or else know the reason why." "Now, what have you got to say to that?" "I'm a firm believer that words alone are useless, so I'm going to make sure you remember our little chat every time you sit down this week, but don't worry, you'll still be in there against John Paul Jones Academy." "Take the position, boy." "Great job." "Wait 'til he demonstrates this in front of the class." "This will teach that little queer a lesson." "I'm hungry." "Just hurry up and finish it, please?" " Come on." " Here comes Cooperdick." " Come on." " Let's go." "Come on." "Ew, that smell." " Pig shit." " Whew!" "Gentlemen, I have your passes." "All those going to town, report to the quadrangle in five minutes." "Randerson, Baker, Caldwell..." "Damn." "Damn." "Bastards took my book." "All right, what you guys do with my book?" "What book are you talking about, Cooperdick?" "You know what book I'm talking about, Bubba." "I don't know nothing about no book." "Maybe you don't, but you guys broke my catapult." "You're gonna pay for that." "One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four." "Your father was there when you left your right." "Your sister was there when you left your right." "Your preacher was there when you left your right..." "Yes, private, what would you like?" "You wouldn't happen to have seen a book I might've left here?" "No, I haven't." "It's really important to me." "Will that be all?" "Yeah." "Thanks." "Hey, you take one of my tools?" "No." "Somebody took my crowbar." "Well, I'm sure it'll turn up." "I'll keep an eye out for it." "I have to go." "Study hall." "That was the bell." "Um, well just a few more minutes?" "Others are scheduled." "Out." "By the dreadful day of judgment." "By the face of the divine majesty and by the four beasts before the throne." "By the fire which is about the throne," "I conjure and command thee, oh prince of darkness, in the name of him who spake, and it was done." "Satan, Lucifer." "Coopersmith." "Appear forthwith and show yourself to me." "Coopersmith." "Gotta have the unholy water, defiled host." "Shoot." "Gotta have it." "Coopersmith." "Yes, Sir." "I'm sorry, Sir." "Coopersmith, where in God's name do you come from?" "Well, I was right here, Sir." "No you weren't right there because if you were right there," "I would've seen you." "Now, why isn't this place cleaned up?" "It's a big job, Sir." "I know it's a big job, Coopersmith." "Look, it's getting late." "I think you should run along to the mess hall and get something to eat because they're just about finished serving supper." "Come on with me." "How do you like your steak?" "Whatever it is now is fine." "You don't look like you belong here." "You sure your mother and father didn't send you here just to get you out of the way?" "My mom and dad were killed in an automobile accident." "Should've told me sooner." "I would've given you an extra lump of mashed potatoes." "That's better." " Finished?" " Almost." "You want to see something?" "Wow." "Doesn't look like this little one's getting too much to eat." "Oh, aren't you gonna help it?" "There's nothing I can do that's gonna help him." "I tried everything." "Can I have him?" "What are you gonna do with him?" "Keep him." "Try to give him a chance." "Why don't you let nature take its course." "Yeah, maybe you're right." "Maybe this pup is better off not making it." "It's a tough world out there." "You gotta be able to kick and scratch if you wanna survive." "I found that out right after my parents died." "From what I can tell, like these other pups, it's the ones that can do the most pushing and shoving that get the biggest piece of the pie." "I don't think he stands a chance, but if you like him, take him." "This is your new home, boy." "It's a little stuffy, but it'll work out just fine." "You'll like it." "This looks pretty good right here." "It's pretty sturdy." "How you like it in there?" "Feel all right?" "Okay, well you gotta stay there." "I gotta go to work." "I'm gonna put this right here." "Now, yell if you need anything." "Stay here." "Consecrated host." "Whew." "By the four beasts before the throne." "By the fire which is about the throne, appear forthwith and show thyself to me in beastly or in human form." "Come peaceably, visibly and without delay." "By the dreadful day of judgment, by the face of the unholy majesty," "I conjure and command thee prince of darkness." "Oh, Satan." "Oh, Lucifer appear forthwith and show thyself to me." "I, Stanley Coopersmith, command you." "Holy Christ." "I think we went too far this time, Bubba." "Oh, he'll be all right." "He's just cold cocked." "Jesus, did you see the look on his face." "Wow." "He's really out cold." "I think he's coming to." "Let's get out of here before Sarge catches us, okay?" "Fuck, Sarge." "Far fucking out." "It works." "Hey, Stanley." "Where you been?" "More extra duty." "Got garbage detail next." " Oh." " You know?" "We're all heading out to the field to get things fixed up for the rally." " I'll catch up with you later." " All right." "Hey!" "Don't you have to drill today?" "Here." "Take this bag of bones for the pup." "Take it out of the arches." "Come on." "Oh." "Oh, how you doing, Freddy?" "Got a little surprise for ya." "Yeah, from Jake's kitchen, some Jake bones." "How 'bout that?" "Just like he promised." "You like that, huh?" "Well, I gotta get one thing, and then I gotta go." "Enjoy." "Let's see." "Who in the hell is in here?" "Huh?" "Eh, that was probably just Sarge." "Probably drunk again." "Yeah." "You're a good dog." "You gotta be quiet so he can't year ya, all right?" "All right?" "Here." "You like this, huh?" "Cock suckers." "All right, you be a good boy and tomorrow I'll take ya out and let ya get some fresh air, all right?" "You gotta be quiet, too." "What the hell are you doing down here?" "What is this place?" "I was gonna tell ya about it." "Tell me my ass." "There's my fucking crowbar." "You're the one that took it." "I borrowed it." "And when I asked you, you lied to me." "What else have you lied to me about?" "That's it." "All you bastards laugh at me." "Don't you think that I know you make fun of me?" "I don't make fun of you." "Jesus Christ, you gotta fucking dog down here, too." "I had to bring him here." "I couldn't keep it in the dorm." "I had to bring it here." "Yeah." "Why not here?" "Sarge, the animal, lives in the cellar." "Why not a dog?" "You lied to me." "You stole from me." "I'll show you." "Please." "It's a good trick, you cock sucker." "Now, I'm gonna show you..." "I'm gonna show you how I make a little boy into a little girl." "You want to see that trick?" "Help!" " Ain't nobody gonna hear you." " Help!" "Ain't nobody gonna come to help you neither." "Did you look for Sarge in his room?" "Yes, Sir." "He is not there." "Well, he's probably gone to sleep it off somewhere." "He's done it before." "Sir, I have got to talk to you about Coopersmith." "Coach, I recognize your problem, but you have to understand that when it comes to sports, the philosophy of the academy is to play everyone." "Coopersmith, look at you." " Where the hell is your hat?" " Sir..." "Private, your are an embarrassment to the school." " Sir, I been in the cellar." " Look at him." "How the hell can I let him represent us on the field?" "At ease, Coopersmith." "Private Coopersmith has been cleaning out the cellar." "Coopersmith, get yourself cleaned up." " Sir..." " You are dismissed!" "And for Christ sake, go get yourself straightened up." "You see what I mean, Sir?" "Jeez." "Hey, Coopersmith." "You all right?" "Where you been?" "The judgment's about to begin." "Come on." "Oh, yeah." "Let's go." "So, will the next Miss Heavy Artillery be Miss Patty?" "Hold it down." "Will it be Miss Baker?" "Or, will it be Miss Gallagher?" "I think it's pretty obvious, don't you, and I think that we can safely say that the next" "Miss Heavy Artillery is..." "Miss Baker." "Now, I want you to do a good job on old John Paul Jones, and tomorrow, I want you to do the same thing to Navy." "Miss Kelly?" "You want something?" "I just wanted to say..." "Well, to tell you..." "I'm sorry." "I thought you were the best..." "Out there..." "I thought you should've won." "No, really." "I thought you should've won." "You really mean that, don't you?" "I do." "Well, well, well." "Look what we've got here." "Our ace soccer player." "Getting high, Cooperdick?" "Hey, leave him alone, Bubba." "Sure." "I'll leave him alone, but I'm benching you for smoking dope." "You can't do that." "The Coach says everybody gets to play." "That's what sports are for, to make us well-rounded." "I'll make you well-rounded Cooperdick." "If you guys try anything, you're gonna be sorry." "Oh yeah?" "Let's see how it looks without the pants." "You guys, leave him alone." " Shut up!" " Cut it out!" "I'm gonna... you guys are gonna pay for this." "Cooperdick, you're gonna pay for this." "You think that we're gonna lose this game because of you, you got another thing coming." "You so much as show your face, and I'll bust you in the head." "I'm gonna play." "You can't stop me." "I'll go to the Colonel." "You do that, Cooperdick." "You do that, and it's your funeral and your little dog." "I know he's down there in the cellar somewhere." "And I'm gonna make sausage out of him, Cooperdick." "You guys touch my dog," "God help me, you're gonna get it." "Coopersmith, what is the meaning of this?" "This is the last straw, private." "Not only are you not going to play in the game tomorrow, but as of now, you are off the team." "Shhh." "Hey, where you going?" "Shhh." "Where the hell does it look like I'm going?" "Well, what if Sarge shows up?" "Where the hell you been, man?" "Sarge went over the hill." "Okay, party time tonight." "Oh, God." "What's with the dry hump routine?" "It's not gonna be dry for long." "What's that?" "Um, it's a rat." "The cellar's loaded with rats." "Since when do rats bark?" "Hey, cut it out, Bubba." "It's coming from over in there." "Oh man, check this out." "Welcome to the kingdom of evil." "There's no turning back once the gates of hell are closed." "Not bad, huh?" "Hey, how about a little less talk and a little more beer?" " Beer?" "Here ya go." " Yeah, give her a beer." "Hey, save one of those for me." "What is all this?" "Looks like black magic." "Tell black mass and fight the devil." "Hey, come take a look at this." "It's in Latin." "Hey man, you can't even read English." "Let me look at that." "Whoa!" "You're all right." "Let me look at this." "Wow." "Check this out." "Look out." "Look what I found." "What?" "Isn't it cute?" "What is it?" "That must be the devil's dog." "Devil's dog?" "Well, I sure am hungry." "Stop it!" "You're always hungry." "Hey, look at that." "That must be Coopersmith's dog." "Stop it." "Sweet little thing." "Well, let's have another look at this computer." "Holy shit." "This is weird." "Watch this." "Hocus pocus, Satan." "Come out wherever you are." "Look man, this thing says that we need a consecrated host." "Why don't you make yourself useful and go get me one." "I'm not gonna commit no sacrilege, Bubba." "Oh, the hell with you guys." "Ever cast a spell before, Bubba?" "Or is this your first time?" "Well, you see that we need to sacrifice to the devil." "See, we need a little virgin blood." "I guess that leaves you out." "How would you know, hot shot?" "Ooh." "I guess we're gonna have to have an animal sacrifice." "Stop kidding around." "Do I look like I'm kidding to you?" " Give me that knife." " What are you gonna do with it?" "Just give me the knife." "Stop him." "Poor Cooperdick." "That's enough, Bubba." "Shut up!" "Bubba knows what he's doing, right Bubba?" "Don't, Bubba." "Kill, kill, kill, kill." "Kill, kill, kill, kill." "Do it!" "Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill." "Do it, damn it!" "Fred?" "Good morning!" "All right, all right, all right." "Let me have your attention now." "Hey..." "Where's Coopersmith?" "Maybe he got the message." "Keep your mouth shut." "What message?" "We were a team, Fred." "We were a team." "Well, if he's AWOL, he'll be punished." "I want all of you guys down at the chapel in ten minutes." "Out of here." "Let's go!" "What message?" "Arf, arf." "Jake, have you seen Coopersmith?" "I've been looking all over for him." "Hey, anything wrong?" "Yeah, maybe." "Coopersmith?" "Bubba, Bubba." "Get your hat." "Coopersmith?" "Coopersmith?" "What the devil do you think you're doing?" "I'm putting you on report." "Oh my God!" "Before you go out to play the game of your lives, little soldiers, I want to talk to you about another game... the game of life." "I know a lot of you soccer jocks think it's okay to go out there and try to pull one over on the referee when he's not watching, but I'm here to tell you that nobody..." "I mean nobody pulls anything over on the head referee in the big game." "That's what really is important." "Satan." "Guys, each time you go to the troth of sin with gluttony and lust like pigs, you're being coached by Satan, and if you care to check the standings, he's got a losing record." "I command you, prince of evil, heed my call." "Give life to the instruments of my retribution." "Imbue these creatures with your strength and force." "Let them avenge me, and I will pledge my soul to you and serve you for all eternity." "So when the big score keeper, you know, the guy up there... when he adds up the ledger between good and evil," "you better be on the winning side of this or just there will be hell to pay." "Coopersmith." "Ahh..."