"we will twist the very fabric of reality." "We will defy nature with reckless abandon. so I shouldn't see anything about this online!" "sir." "Hmm. we will unleash a weapon so powerful that it will take... are you seriously still texting after what I just said?" "(BEEPS)" "(CHUCKLES)" "Victor?" "If you please." "(GROWLING) Uh..." "Mommy." "AUTOMATED VOICE:" "Dialing Mother." "(DIALING)" "Horkelberg residence!" "Hello?" "Who is this?" "it's that man again." "I hear heavy breathing and..." "Ew!" "And chewing!" "That's it." "I'm calling the police." "Does anyone else feel like texting?" "Hmm?" "Show of hands?" "Anyone?" "Uh-uh." "Very well." "Commence deplanetization!" "Ready the Deplanetizer!" "Seriously?" "(ALARMS BLARING)" "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) 500." "Come on." "Is that all you got?" "010%." "One and two and three and four." "that's good." "that's bad." "one." "(GRUNTING) let's dig deep." "Don't quit on me now." "Can you feel it?" "Huh?" "Huh?" "Can you feel the burn?" "Are you kidding?" "I'm on fire." "so bring it on!" "000 more." "000?" "three and four." "no gain." "(GROANS)" "And we'll be right back after these messages!" "bots!" "Let's do this!" "And lunge!" "And lunge!" "ANNOUNCER:" "Ranger Workout will be right back!" "Burn!" "DALLAS:" "Planet Tenemule is no more." "What?" "Hello." "Dallas Wannamaker here." "marking the fourth in recent memory of our once-peaceful galaxy." "the President has requested our ever-vigilant Galactic Rangers increase their numbers from four to five." "Really?" "Just five?" "All right." "Captain Qwark. big-ness." "Captain Qwark! it's in a state of crisis." "The Galactic Rangers are looking for a new recruit to help with the investigation." "Captain Qwark!" "Cue montage!" "Cue montage!" "Planet Veldin's Kyzil Plateau!" "Kyzil Plateau?" "That's right!" "The Kyzil Plateau!" "Ranger tryouts." "This is huge." "(GRUNTS) Galactic Ranger!" "Grab some sky." "punk." "Put 'em..." "Whoa!" "Ranger down!" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "Mission accomplished." "MR. MICRON:" "Hello?" "I'm here to pick up my ship?" "(CREAKING) I'll be there in one minute." "Ah!" "Give or take." "(BELL DINGING)" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "(MUSIC PLAYING) Hmm?" "RATCHET:" "Are you ready to have your mind blown?" "Eh." "No." "Whoo-ho-ho!" "Yeah!" "I'll take that as a yes." "Boom!" "(GASPS) it can pick up a paperclip from two kilocubits away." "I think there's been a mistake." "I came in to get my ejector seat repaired." "Why repair something when you can improve it?" "have a seat." "(SCREAMS) let's fire up that mag-booster!" "(STAMMERING)" "(MAG-BOOSTER ACTIVATING) right?" "but why do I need it?" "you could... if you ever..." "I don't know." "(SCREAMS) Whoa!" "I can buff that out." "Maybe we should just..." "(WHIMPERING)" "Power this sucker down." "boy." "(MR. MICRON SCREAMS)" "Look out!" "Hello!" "Watch it!" "I've been looking for that." "Cadet!" "What was that sound?" "Nothing." "is your seatbelt on?" "Uh... (BOTH SCREAMING)" "(BELL DINGS)" "(BOTH CONTINUE SCREAMING)" "Hit the brakes!" "Hit the brakes!" "Those aren't the brakes!" "MR. MICRON:" "I'm too old to die!" "You've got to be kidding me." "How did you get a license?" "Whoa!" "please?" "The fish witch?" "The kill switch!" "Eh..." "On the dash!" "MR. MICRON:" "The drill hatch on the dish!" "(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPING)" "I can fix this." "(GRUNTS)" "Your tail's in my face!" "pal!" "(MR. MICRON EXCLAIMING)" "There's a wall!" "boy." "Yes!" "(SCREAMING) Whoa!" "(WHIMPERING)" "Phew!" "huh?" "I want a refund!" "that is going to show up on my midyear review." "Victor." "Come!" "I have just the thing to brighten your day!" "Our next target! the rolling hills of Corvoxian snodgrass!" "This is exactly what I need." "(HUMMING) that entire region is heavily patrolled by the Galactic Rangers!" "We will have this planet!" "And we will take it by going on the offensive." "Our forces will strike at the Galactic Rangers first and remove them from the equation altogether." "Wait." "Real battle?" "Metal hand against hand." "I trust this pleases you?" "but we don't have any forces!" "You let me worry about that." "the Galactic Rangers will be destroyed and I'll be able to complete my masterpiece!" "Ratchet?" "How many?" "he's fine!" "He landed in a pile of ivy." "Poison ivy. but you're careless." "it's such an ugly word." "I prefer "carefree." "it was too soon. but you can't keep acting out like this when I have a shop to run." "What's with you lately?" "I just feel like I'm supposed to do more. like Captain Qwark!" "You want an old mechanic's advice?" "Dream smaller." "It leads to less disappointment." "Grim." "I just need one hour off so I can go to the spaceport for tryouts." "You promised you'd help me give proton scrubs to every ship on the plateau!" "It's almost summer." "These people depend on us!" "it's always summer." "We live in a desert." "that promise is still in effect!" "and you can redeem it in one hour." "(GROANS)" "Grim." "Don't let anyone tell you different." "I'll be back before you know it!" "You're the best boss in the galaxy!" "An inspiration to us all!" "Don't ever change!" "(SCREAMS) I'm okay!" "(GROANS) and give a big Planet Veldin welcome to your Galactic Rangers!" "she'll shoot first and ask questions when she's good and ready." "Cora Veralux!" "you'll love him more as a Galactic Ranger." "Get ready to feel the pain of Brax "The Brute" Lectrus!" "baby!" "Captain Qwark!" "Veldin!" "Captain!" "He's on fire again." "I know. that was an impressive wall of fire I just walked past." "I'm going to be real with you folks for a moment." "I knewjust where to go." "we want you!" "(WHISTLE BLOWING) (CROWD CHEERING)" "Yeah!" "The galaxy is a perilous place." "supernovas!" "(CROWD GASPING)" ""Do I have what it takes?" "you may not have prevented Dr. Nefarious from atomizing Aleero City." "You may not have stopped Neftin Prog from rendering the entire population ofAridia color-blind!" "Twice! then you have what it takes." "You don't have what it takes." "But I have heart." "but unfortunately that heart is encased muscleless mass of inexperience." "there's your history to consider." "You got a long line of citations here." "Possession of an illegal gravity repulsor... that was a misunderstanding." "I thought that space pirate was on the level!" "Operation of a black-market accelerator." "Operation" is a strong word." "It blew up as soon as I turned it on!" "Willful disruption of the space-time continuum?" "That is a funny story." "and you're dangerous." "That's my shtick." "Wait!" "Just give me a chance!" "no time!" "Galaxy in jeopardy!" "you can do anything..." "As long as you're me." "Next!" "I have no less than three lethal katas" "I would like to demonstrate for you today." "Get me out of these tiny blue-neck towns." "(DR. NEFARIOUS CACKLING)" "CHAIRMAN DREK:" "Dr. Nefarious!" "The mad scientist who made all of this possible!" "Mad" suggests cognitive impairment." "I'm more of a vengeful scientist." "I trust you're here to meet the troops." "(CHUCKLING GLEEFULLY) and programmed to assassinate the Galactic Rangers." "and laser-guided." "Each of these perfect creations remorseless killing machine." "Remorseless killing machine..." "Makes me want to have children of my own." "But will they get the job done?" "I'd hate to have to send you back where I found you." "MSPECTOBOT:" "State your prime objective." "destroy Galactic Rangers." "Inspection complete." "Weapon issued." "My warbots know every offensive tactic in the Ranger handbook." "They won't just kill the Rangers..." "Target acquired." "They'll annihilate them!" "(THUNDER CRACKING) (LAUGHING)" "(STOPS LAUGHING) too." "CHAIRMAN DREKI Burn." "DR. NEFARIOUS:" "(CLAPS HANDS) Repairbot!" "(HUMMING)" "Ah!" "Now we're talking." "WARBOT:" "Target acquired." "my..." "MSPECTOBOT:" "State your prime objective." "Destroy Galactic Rangers." "State your prime objective." "Destroy Galactic Rangers." "State your prime..." "Hmm. .." "Hello." "Defect detected." "two..." "Hey!" "Wait!" "a defect!" "Victor." "No..." "Ahhh!" "defect!" "Oh!" "Ooh!" "Hmm." "(BEEPING)" "Defect!" "(LIGHTNING CRACKING)" "(GROWLS) set coordinates for the Galactic Ranger home base." "COMPUTER"." "Destination set." "what are you gonna do?" "dear." "(GRUNTING)" "(LAUGHING) amigo." "Ratchet... you're off to save the galaxy." "Turns out you were right." "I should dream smaller." "(EXHALES)" "RATCHET:" "I'll never be a Ranger." "(EXHALES)" "(GASPS)" "What?" "Whoa!" "(TIRES SCREECH)" "(GASPS)" "(GRUNTS)" "COMPUTER:" "Danger detected." "Danger detected." "but did you listen to me?" "No." "Hello?" "Anyone in there?" "Whoa!" "(EXPLODING)" "(GASPS)" "COMPUTER:" "Prepare for imminent death." "There's got to be a better way to say that." "Sorry." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "(SINGSONG) Prepare for imminent death." "How's that?" "one... (EXPLODING)" "(EXHALES)" "(CHITTERS)" "No vector shell damage." "Sister board appears to be intact." "(POWERING UP)" "Ah!" "I must get to Aleero City!" "They are in danger!" "who's in danger?" "An army is coming." "I must warn them!" "slow down." "You've been in a crash." "What do you say we get you back to my garage?" "I'll run a diagnostic and have you fixed up in no time." "Thank you." "I appreciate the assistance." "It's no problem." "So what do I call you?" "I suppose my proper designation is Warbot Defect B5429..." "Maybe I'll just call you Clank." "My name's Ratchet." "Uh..." "Up and down." "there you go." "You're a natural." "that's enough." "too." "Almost got it." "And..." "There!" "How do you feel?" "Fully operational." "Sweet." "what are you doing all the way out here in the sticks?" "I am on a mission of galactic importance." "Galactic importance"?" "boy." "You must have ruptured your CPU." "How many fingers am I holding up?" "Uh..." "Two." "But I fail to see the relevance of the question." "Chairman Drek has built an army of warbots." "They're going to assassinate the Galactic Rangers tomorrow." "Oh!" "That kind of galactic importance!" "why didn't you say so?" "I can totally help!" "I could not ask a civilian to get involved in something so dangerous." "I'm not just a civilian." "The Rangers are actually my friends!" "Why do you think I have so many pictures of them?" "But why are you not in any of them?" "right?" "come on." "I even have a ship." "It disassembles so it can infiltrate enemy strongholds." "what do you say? but what are the odds of actually finding a qualified Ranger way out in the boonies?" "there's nothing the three of us can't handle..." "Oh!" "I am your biggest fan." "(EXCLAIMS) It's touching me." "Get it off." "Get it off!" "(SIREN BLARING) (YELLS)" "TROOPER:" "Move it!" "Move it!" "We've got hostiles!" "We've got hostiles!" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "citizen!" "I love you!" "(GASPS)" "Target acquired." "Hmm..." "Hmm." "Hmm?" "What?" "Apologies." "I have not been able to locate your species in my database." "I get that a lot." "There aren't many of us left." "anyway." "I'm a Lombax." "A Lombax?" "Fascinating." "Yeah." "I crashed on Veldin when I was just a baby. HO name... (CHUCKLES) Kinda like you." "COMPUTER:" "Approaching destination." "Whoa!" "Aleero City!" "it certainly is." "(GUNS FIRING)" "No way!" "It is the invasion." "We are too late." "Target acquired." "(GRUNTS) hombre." "How was that?" "Did that sound cool?" "(SCREAMS) boy." "(YELLING)" "Target..." "Target acquired." "(GRUNTS)" "(GRUNTING)" "Target..." "(BEEPING)" "Target..." "Brax to the max!" "Max!" "Awesome!" "Fire!" "(GRUNTING) or I'll take yours as a replacement." "(SCREAMING)" "Wilhelm!" "I got these guys." "(YELLING)" "Welcome to the Hall of Heroes... (CRIES OUT)" "Oops." "I must've forgotten to install the targeting software." "take the controls for a sec." "Oh." "I..." "Um..." "Ow!" "Hey!" "What's going on up there? slightly underdeveloped." "I think we can definitely agree on that." "(BOTH SCREAMING)" "Whoa!" "You maniac!" "we are clearly not prepared for this." "We should have contacted the Rangers to warn them of the attack." "like they'd know who we are." "But you said they were your friends." "What?" "I think you're quoting me out of context." "RATCHET:" "The Rangers are actually my friends!" "Do you record everything I say?" "Do you record everything I say?" "(BOTH SCREAMING)" "We're going down!" "Your sense of direction is impeccable." "I can fix this!" "That was awesome!" "Finish them!" "(BOTH GRUNTING)" "I believe I may have an idea." "Your weapon package includes a mag-booster." "I am rewriting the software to isolate the raritanium alloy used to manufacture us." "Clank!" "Bring it on!" "There's too many of them!" "Rangers!" "Galactic losers!" "come on!" "and engage mag-booster." "Is it working?" "Oh!" "I do believe it is." "Target acquired." "Huh?" "No way." "yes." "(CHEERING) right?" "Two civilians are saving the city!" "There are 300 heavily armed warbots gaining on us!" "I know!" "Isn't it great?" "Get ready to return to sender!" "Terminating mag-booster on my mark!" "one..." "Mark!" "no..." "No!" "(CROWD CHATTERING)" "BOY:" "What happened?" "(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)" "You got to be kidding me!" "(GRUNTS)" "(GASPS)" "Get out." "Taxi!" "(CHEERING)" "Ah!" "(LAUGHING)" "Hmm?" "(WHISTLING) let's give these heroes some breathing room." "I'm happy to field all questions on their behalf." "Holo Vid Nightly." "The Blarg have been underground for over 50 years." "Could their return be linked to the destroyed planets?" "Juanita?" "but Drek is responsible." "And his attack today proves that he is only getting started." "(CROWD GASPING) now!" "We must all stay calm." "Everything is under control." "Captain Qwark!" "Dallas Wannamaker here." "Does that mean you'll be asking these two heroes to join the Rangers?" "(CROWD GASPING) Say what now?" "I..." "I... (GASPS)" "(CHUCKLES)" "I don't see why not." "(CROWD CHEERING)" "(LAUGHING) folks!" "The search for a new Galactic Ranger is over!" "Aleero City will never forget the day it was saved by a..." "A cat thingy." "(CHAIRMAN DREK SCOFFS)" "How did this happen?" "Someone explain it to me!" "You!" "You're supposed to understand how they think!" "How did you not see this coming?" "And Victor!" "(GRUNTS)" "Do you know how many candidates you beat out for your position?" "I could have hired the Zeezils Brothers!" "It's enough to make me want to vaporize someone!" "(HUMMING) (EXHALES)" "We're putting our project on hold." "I'm ordering all remaining warbots to the Deplanetizer until the heat dies down." "(GRUNTS) I wonder if you'd permit me to troubleshoot this for you." "(SIGHS) Go on." "Our question is simple." "How do you destroy a team of heroes?" "really." "an enormous rock?" "Rock..." "The answer is "from within!" "we'll lose every time." "But if we turn one of their own against them... we'd need a weak link." "A sad simpleton who'd believe whatever we tell him." "A corruptible moron." "But who?" "Who?" "Who?" "Hmm." "Ah!" "boys!" "(LAUGHING) sir." "I know." "I know! but we've been cleared to attack Drek Industries in three days." "That means you two are getting the accelerated course." "We're going to be trained by Brax Lectrus?" "The guy's a legend!" "I do not suppose you offer introductory courses in aviation?" "little guy..." ""To the max!" "...but I don't think flying's really your thing." "Captain Qwark suggested we put you in a position a little less..." "Dangerous?" "Whoa!" "LivesAtHome472." "What's the matter?" "Don't like getting your butt kicked?" "cry to your mommy?" "(LAUGHS) are you really crying?" "Elaris." "Brax!" "Is that my new assistant?" "uh..." "Impressive." "(SCOFFS)" "Elaris here is in charge of developing our gear and providing tactical support." "Usually it's the former." "The Rangers are the shoot-first-think-later type." "(LAUGHS)" "I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to sound like that." "Like what now?" "Come on." "I'll show you around." "Cadet." "Time to make you a Ranger." "this is the... over here..." "I'll see you in a bit!" "ELARIS:" "We're going to have so much fun!" "good luck." "(GRUNTS)" "Cadet!" "(GRUNTS)" "(GASPS)" "Let's get you into your new protosuit." "Your protosuit is the most advanced combat armor on the market." "And it comes in all the latest fall colors!" "Sweet." "A neural sensor in your helmet reads your thoughts and telequips the desired weapon into your hands." "Try equipping your Combuster." "(GRUNTING SOFTLY)" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "There you go." "COMPUTER:" "Combuster equipped." "Wicked." "allowing you to hit targets in a short to medium range." "(CHUCKLES) Whoa!" "(GUN FIRING)" "This is embarrassing." "allowing you to hit multiple targets at once." "Whoa!" "See?" "He's got it." "Sort of." "This little baby's the Negotiator." "high-impact rockets." "Great versus heavy armor." "(GRUNTING)" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "Buzz Blades!" "no!" "Whoa!" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "The Warmonger." "(CHUCKLES)" "Ah!" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "I dunno." "The Spiral of Death?" "Whoa!" "(EXHALES)" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "Fusion Grenade?" "(GRUNTS AND YELLS)" "(EXPLODING)" "Wow." "Dude." "How am I doing?" "(KEYBOARD CLAC KING)" "So this is really your office?" "Eh." "Budget cutbacks." "I don't mind it as much as the last guy who had this job." "Dr. Nefarious." "Drove him crazy." "Literally." "He turned evil." "Oh." "But don't worry." "It won't happen to me." "(CHUCKLES)" "(CLEARS T HRO AT)" "Hmm." "That's strange." "What is it?" "I'm running a simulation based on the fragments we located from each destroyed planet." "Each one is missing a famous landmass." "perhaps the pieces are still out there." "There is a lot of space in space." "I guess." "don't you think?" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "Out of the way!" "RATCHET:" "Hey!" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "Watch out!" "Heads up!" "Coming through!" "Whoa!" "stay calm!" "Something epic is happening!" "Clank?" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "That's the stuff. a majestic bird who knows every fighting style." "Watch the master." "Elaris and I..." "Can't talk." "...have some information." "Doing a flyby." "(LAUGHING)" "(LAUGHS)" "Sir!" "If you could come down and speak to us for three minutes... (FIRE ALARM BEEPING)" "And there are the sprinklers." "good news!" "huh?" "there's that." "Please!" "If we could have just a minute to discuss our findings." "The only thing I'm interested in finding is the Hall of Heroes cafeteria." "Cadet." "It's three floors up and it's meatloaf day!" "Meatloaf!" "(CRASHING) (YELLING)" "(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)" "Do they always treat you so poorly?" "Oh!" "No!" "Yes." "ANNOUNCER:" "The new Galactic Ranger Ratchet action figure!" "BOY:" "There he is!" "it's Ratchet!" "Hey-hey!" "we love you!" "the people here sure are friendly." "And rather loud." "Oh!" "MAN:" "Sorry!" "Thought you were a trash can!" "Indeed." "Wow." "Look at that." "Clank?" "I'm famous." "my cultural database shows that fame is highly overrated and ultimately not rewarding." "Would you agree?" "totally." "Way overrated." "do you think they'll name a street after me?" "Or a cologne?" "(GRUNTS) "Ratchet." "Smell like a hero." "(CHUCKLING) MAN:" "There he is!" "(CROWD CLAMORING)" "Can I smell you?" "now." "There's no rush." "I could do this all day." "Uh? we don't have time for this nonsense." "I'm about to reveal my awesome plan anyone would like my autograph." "(COUGHS) because we don't have time." "Ratchet!" "(CHUCKLES)" "I love you all!" "He's taller in person!" "Hmm." "our plan of attack is simple. and take Drek into custody so we can be home in time for waffles." "waffles!" "that's good." "(LAUGHING) that's our plan?" "(INHALES DEEPLY) it is." "but Chairman Drek is cunning." "He will be prepared for our assault." "I think it is beyond adorable that you decided to do all this homework." "But big heroes do big things." "Each second we waste talking is a second" "Drek could use to destroy another planet." "But wouldn't it be worth taking five minutes to review our plan?" "We have holoschematics... (GROANS) Does anyone else feel like we should have shot something by now?" "Because it really feels like we should have shot something by now." "Thank you!" "Let's take a vote." "All those in favor of kicking in Drek's front door with a massive arsenal say "Aye." "ALL:" "Aye!" "All those in favor of nerding it up here say "Nay." "BOTH:" "Nay." "Motion passes." "We assault Drek Industries tonight!" "Rangers!" "Suit up and rally in the aft airlock." "I find this arrangement slightly embarrassing." "but you're the only one who's been inside Drek's warbot factory." "this is the best way for you to keep up." "Whoa!" "(CHUCKLES)" "CORA:" "Nice backpack. so don't try any solo flights." "Okay?" "I shall endeavor to..." "Elaris." "extra baggage?" "but we're dropping straight into a cauldron." "And do you know what's inside that cauldron?" "Is it danger?" "It's... it's danger." "BRAXI Let's roll!" "team." "Let's bring it in." "our target is Chairman Drek!" "Rangers?" "On the count of three." "Three!" "(LAUGHING) rookie!" "you ready?" "I... (SCREAMING)" "Whoo-hoo!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "(CLANK SCREAMING)" "Whoo!" "Ah!" "(GRUNTING)" "I'm in." "Any sign of Drek?" "BRAX:" "Negative." "Place looks deserted." "CLANK:" "My internal coordinates system indicates a right turn up ahead." "Clank. but we're turning right." "Because?" "Because I'm your senior Ranger and I say so." "That's why." "Okay!" "Okay." "Yeesh!" "Cranky." "What's that?" "Huh?" "Oh." "thank ye" for those words of wisdom." "CLAN K:" "Good save." "This feels too easy." "Why was there no alarm?" "It is strange." "stay sharp." "Initiate Phase One." "Let's scatter the cockroaches." "(LAUGHING)" "(LAUGHING)" "(LAUGHING LOUDER)" "Zed!" "(STAMMERS)" "BRAX". '(co-hem!" "zurkon." "zurkon." "zurkon..." "(GASPS)" "Anyone hear that?" "zurkon." "Engaging motion scan." "(BEEPING)" "I'm getting something." "Yeah." "too." "(BEEPING INTENSIFIES) zurkon." "Huh?" "'(co-hem!" "Zurkons!" "Mr. Zurkon is looking to kill you!" "'(co-hem!" "baby!" "(GRUNTING)" "'(co-hem!" "'(co-hem!" "Yeah!" "(LAUGHING)" "Three-time galactic champ up in here!" "Ranger identified." "Terminate!" "What's a Zurkon?" "Robotic bodyguards." "They protect whoever deploys them." "MR. ZURKON:" "Mr. Zurkon has you now." "Zurkon hates Galactic Rangers!" "RATCHET:" "Heads up!" "(GASPS)" "Whoa!" "Yoo-hoo!" "(G ROANS) and I'll shoot you myself." "What is this place?" "Huh." "If I may... (BEEPING)" "Hmm." "MR. ZURKON:" "Yoo-hoo!" "(GASPS)" "Stupid Ranger." "Time to die!" "(YELLING)" "Mr. Zurkon delivers a symphony of pain!" "(GUN POWERING UP)" "Don't move." "(VICTOR GRUNTS)" "I'm listening." "CHAIRMAN DREK:" "Captain Qwark. and I think it's simply dreadful what... (GASPS) Sorry Zed!" "Simply dreadful what Ratchet has done to you." "He's made people forget who the real hero is. and how do they repay you?" "I don't even know what he is!" "I could never betray the citizens of Solana." "betraying them is how you get them to love you." "Allow me to introduce you to my personal team of Blargian PR professionals." "tell him how we work our magic!" "you're the victim here." "That Lombax pushed you to do this." "He did?" "even!" "You didn't know what you were doing." "The betrayal was a cry for help." "It was?" "It will be!" "a few guest appearances..." "A holo-film." "No!" "A trilogy!" "you won'tjust be Captain Qwark the hero..." "You'll be Captain Qwark the survivor." "Huh?" "Captain." "We can evacuate the planet a better place to live." "Do we have a deal?" "Huh?" "(BOTH CHUCKLING)" "CLANK:" "Hmm." "Fascinating." "These are plans for something called a "Deplanetizer." "Deplanetizer?" "Why would Drek be destroying planets?" "Not destroy." "It seems that Drek is trying to build the perfect planet." "let's move out!" "ZED:" "Hey!" "Wait for me!" "(SIGHS) Wait!" "Wait!" "Zed!" "I'll write you an excellent letter of recommendation!" "You don't even have my email!" "(HUMMING)" "(GUNS COCKING) om" "(ZED CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)" "Hi." "(CLEARS THROAT) Um... it's important you understand that I am faithful to my employer. which is... would she?" "Maybe." ""Tell us everything." I meant Drek's target list." "out with it!" "Probably." "I signed a legally binding non-disclosure agreement." "I want the rest of his targets." "Now!" "Please." "This was supposed to be a temp job until I got my singing career on track." "okay!" "(SOBBING)" "Novalis." "He wants Novalis." "Novalis?" "Novalis is populated." "to be exact." "The Schnorkelsons had twins this morning." "We've got to move." "(ZED BEATBOXING)" "(WHISTLING)" "Hey!" "Captain Qwark!" "Buddy!" "Remember me?" "(GASPS)" "From Drek's office?" "Where you signed that contract and... (EXCLAIMS)" "Shh!" "Not the face!" "journal." "Yes." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "I've been having the mood swings again." "I'm laughing hysterically." "I'm laughing maniacally." "I guess it's because everything is going exactly according to plan. and the entire solar system will be nothing but a giant cloud of dust and gas." "Doctor." "(SCREAMS)" "Chairman Drek would like to see you." "How long have you been standing there?" "I came in during the part about dust and gas?" "(LAUGHS)" "It's my dietary journal." "I keep a very strict record of everything I eat and which foods give me..." "Dust and gas?" "Exactly." "Cool." "General Qwark moves into position." "Ooh." "(GASPS) (POWERING UP) and the crowd goes wild." "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Qwark is the best!" "Yeah!" "evac shuttle convoy 262 departing orbit." "Evacuation 82% complete." "Captain?" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "Uh?" "Oh..." "The plan?" "Rangers. mano-a-mano." "sir." "he's blown up five planets already!" "I think we're done talking." "I think I have an idea." "(GROANS) Sure." "Go ahead." "I was looking at the schematics of the Deplanetizer..." "Yeah." "...and it occurred to me..." "And mute." "(AUDIO MUTES)" "CAPTAIN QWARK:" "I'm going in." "wait!" "Back-up is on the way!" "We should... (GROANS) sir." "Should we fire proton cannons?" "(GROANS) Not yet. and I'm about to put on a show." "Starting secret mission." "Hero work ain't easy. #N0'tAMOle." "Ah!" "I'm not a sellout!" "Captain Qwark!" "You performed marvelously." "are you a professional actor?" "I did dabble in my share of theater back in grade school." "I'd play the dad... an enthralling saga I'd love to hear!" "you've disabled the weapons system right?" "mind you. (LAUGHS)" "We wouldn't want a tense situation to escalate out of control." "we wouldn't want that." "right?" "my dear captain!" "Where's the trust?" "Destroy them all." "(LAUGHING)" "CORA:" "Contact!" "Contact!" "engage." "COMPUTER:" "Error." "Error." "Weapons system compromised." "Cannons!" "Missiles!" "Weapon systems are negative across the board!" "Same here!" "I got nothing!" "fall back!" "Break off!" "Break off!" "(LAUGHING) sir." "Brilliant." "Hmm." "Get me a holo-scan of that ship." "sir." "lookee-lookee." "What have we here?" "The defect." "the one that got away." "Not this time." "Victor?" "He looks awfully dangerous." "Teleport me to the ship." "sir." "It's shielded." "Just get me close!" "(GROWLS)" "(ALARM BLARING)" "I can't leave him." "what are you doing?" "I'm going in!" "don't do this." "we can work out an assault plan!" "RATCHET:" "There's no time!" "Captain Qwark is in there fighting an entire army on his own!" "(CAPTAIN QWARK TRILLING) (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)" "Permission to land?" "Permission granted." "Mmm." "(SLURPING)" "(EXHALES)" "Who's on foot duty?" "come on." "(CRINGING)" "Ah!" "Their defensive fire is too strong." "Pull back!" "Your fighter won't make it." "I don't have to land!" "I just have to get close." "COMPUTER:" "Hull integrity at 2%." "Prepare to teleject." "listen to Elaris." "993 to one!" "Big heroes do big things." "one..." "(GRUNTS)" "(SCREAMING)" "He made it!" "(CRASHING)" "What was that?" "(BEEPING)" "I do not know." "I will investigate." "Probablyjust the ship settling." "(RATTLING)" "Nothing to be alarmed about." "Whoa!" "Ah!" "Defect!" "my" "Defect!" "I believe we may have a problem." "(EXCLAIMS) Coming through!" "then slight right ahead." "ELARIS:" "Ratchet?" "Where are you?" "Can't talk!" "I'm almost at the control center." "Captain Qwark did something to the ship!" "Nothing's working!" "And I think Clank's in trouble! I'll be right back to help." "(ALARMS BLARING)" "COMPUTER:" "Deplanetizer now online." "(GROANS)" "(LAUGHING)" "(SCREAMS) my bQy!" "Bravo!" "(LAUGHS) but this?" "(BLOWS)" "This is seriously next level!" "(LAUGHING)" "Take him." "Where are you?" "Come out and fight!" "You want a fight?" "I'll give you a fight." "No free rides!" "(GRUNTS)" "(GASPS)" "(EXHALES)" "(GRUNTING)" "Hmm." "(GASPS)" "Die!" "Get back here!" "I'm going to make you wish you were never created!" "(GROWLING)" "COMPUTER:" "Thundersmack equipped." "(THUNDER RUMBLING) You're nothing but a pathetic defect!" "Perhaps." "But I am waterproof." "(GASPS)" "(GRUNTING)" "(YELLS)" "(METALLIC CREAKING)" "Defect!" "ZED:" "Hey!" "Over here!" "Can I switch sides now?" "I never had a proper planet. where everything was dark and wet and hot." "I said I was a worrier!" "(LAUGHS) I worry about everything!" "hey." "Qwark?" "This is awkward." "(WHISTLING)" "(CHAIRMAN DREK LAUGHING)" "The next time you and those moronic Rangers decide to play hero... (EVIL LAUGHTER)" "...plan better." "Toss him into one of the shuttles." "I want him to live to see his failure." "don't do this!" "Novalis is home to millions!" "and they had their time in the sun." "Now it's our turn." "Commence deplanetization!" "Ready the Deplanetizer!" "(DEPLANETIZER POWERING UP)" "No!" "(EXHALES)" "(GASPS)" "(EXHALES) here's your I.D. Welcome aboard." "Captain?" "Huh?" "Oh." "Yeah." "Thanks." "(DR. NEFARIOUS HUMMING)" "(GASPS)" "Release the harvesters!" "(LAUGHS)" "(BEEPING)" "(INTRO MUSIC PLAYING)" "DALLAS:" "In the wake of Novalis' destruction" "Galactic President Phyronix has issued a galaxy-wide alert to all Solana citizens." "Residents are to remain in their homes while authorities manage the crisis." "did we put our trust in the wrong Lombax?" "(EXHALES)" "Uh... (SCREAMS) (CRASHING)" "(GRUNTING)" "(CLATTERING) (CLEARS TH ROAT)" "Can I come in?" "That protosuit of yours keeps beeping." "voices asking you to come back." "Those Ranger hotshots are persistent." "Grim." "I'll turn it off in the morning." "Hey." "I remember this." "You wandered into the garage and took my rocket sled for a test drive. and off you went. (LAUGHS)" "Took three police bots to chase you down and teach you how to stop!" "(LAUGHING)" "(SIGHS)" "I guess I just wanted to do something big." "you know?" "(SIGHS)" "I ain't never been very good with advice." "But I do know this. just the right ones." "That's actually not bad." "Thank you." "I have my moments." "(CREAKING)" "(SCREAMS) (CRASHING)" "I'm okay." "sweet Victor." "You were a wonderful friend and companion." "Honest." "Loyal." "Rusty." "really rusty." "I could hear you all the way across the station. asthanks for you r sacrifice." "(INHALES DEEPLY)" "(EXHALES)" "You will be missed." "Let's get this show on the road!" "Bring in New Quartu!" "Bring in New Quartu!" "(FEEDBACK WHINES)" "Jeff?" "Great!" "(CHAIRMAN DREK SOBBING)" "It's beautiful." "Father." "I did it!" "It's beautiful." "Uh... (GROANS)" "(EXHALES)" "CLANK:" "I thought I might find you here." "Clank?" "Clank." "This is where I belong." "You were right. especially when you're famous for causing a complete disaster." "It was not a complete disaster." "Authorities are calling it a "complete and utter disaster"... (VOLUME LOWERING) Sorry!" "The evacuation of Novalis was successful." "No one was killed or injured." "I have to take full responsibility." "Blaming yourself and taking responsibility are two very different things. you will endeavor to make things right the next time." "Next time?" "Drek has one more target on his list. the Rangers need you more than ever. partner." "(RUMBLING) (GASPS)" "Earthquake!" "What's that?" "I brought some friends." "pity party's over." "Time to get back to work." "I'm sorry I ran out on you like that." "I should've stayed to fix it and see it through." "check it out." "My cadet photo." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Really?" "That's how we're playing?" "there's no need to embarrass anyone here." "(GASPS) chill out!" "and I need to start shooting at something immediately." "before we just go off and start" "I was thinking that... get some." "That's what I'm talking about." "(SIGHS) Forget it." "wait." "Go on." "I think we need to hear what you both have to say." "while we can't move a planet out of the way... what if we could move the weapon targeting that planet?" "Move the Deplanetizer?" "Knock it off course." "Okay." "Awesome." "And just how are we going to do that?" "Not sure yet." "But I'm working on it." "Hmm." "I might have an idea. and after that..." "I want to talk to you." "(GASPS)" "You tried to kill my Rangers!" "You said you'd leave them alone!" "And I meant it at the time! sacrifices are necessary for the greater good." "I know you're working with Nefarious on this." "isn't it wonderful?" "We're all part of the same dream team." "(GASPS) We should make T-shirts!" "You're making a big mistake." "You have no idea the kinds of evil he's capable of." "but I do." "It's all right here on his resume." "Special skills..." "Horrendous evil." "Unspeakable evil." "Diabolical evil." "He's very well-rounded." "he can juggle." "Hmm." "DR. NEFARIOUSI Oh-Oh!" "Do I feel my ears burning?" "(LAUGHS) And there's our little juggling psychopath now!" "You died in a prison escape." "There were witnesses." "Oh." "People will say and do just about anything for the right price." "Qwark?" "What was your price for selling out your friends?" "perhaps?" "(EXHALES) Why don't you run along so the Chairman and I can get back to the business at hand?" "But what am I supposed to do?" "You can guard the Star Cracker water cooler." "Oh!" "But with fury!" "Mmm-hmm." "(LAUGHS)" "That was fun!" "And T-shirts would be a good idea." "Good for morale." "Neffie?" "Should we... (EXCLAIMS)" "(BLEATING) (LAUGHS)" "Sheepinator." "One of my personal favorites." "It's time for a change of management." "(BLEATING)" "Huh?" "Uh-Oh... let's do this!" "We only got so much time to get it all done." "whatever that's called." "That's good." "Okay." "Right." "Over here." "electrifying everything." "Make sure everything's got electricity at least a little bit." "you're doing great." "Okay" "(EXHALES)" "(FEEDBACK WHINES) everybody!" "Get in here now!" "please." "You're not going to believe this." "We finally decoded the Deplanetizer plans." "We found his next target." "It's Umbris." "at least he picked an empty planet this time." "it is a volatile planet." "Its core is made up of pure melluvium." "Blowing it up will result in a chain reaction that will destroy the entire system." "But why would Drek do that?" "I thought he was trying to build the perfect planet?" "because Umbris wasn't Drek's idea." "Duh!" "What do you mean?" "It's Nefarious." "Dr. Nefarious?" "Steve Nefarious." "Of course it's Dr. Nefarious!" "funny how you didn't mention that when I was dangling you over the edge of a building." "now did you?" "that's it." "I'm shooting him." "(SCREAMS) What?" "Don't shoot him." "I am confused." "I thought Nefarious was dead." "Only on the inside." "he's very much... (snuesowe) Alive!" "shoot him." "(BLEATING)" "(LAUGHING)" "You wanted New Quartu?" "Huh?" "I'll give it to you." "Happy trails!" "(SCREAMING)" "COMPUTER:" "Now entering Umbris atmosphere." "it's almost here." "The beginning of the end." "BLARGI The end Of what?" "(YELPS)" "(WHIMPERS)" "Let the games begin." "COMPUTER:" "Remote detonation now activated." "(ALARM BLARING)" "It is about to get real." "(DR. NEFARIOUS LAUGHING)" "We're as close as we can get without being spotted." "Elaris?" "Go on." "We're listening." "I've been hard at work on a little something called the Hologuise." "it would fool his own mother." "they'll dock with the Deplanetizer by easily fooling the simpleminded Blarg." "Captain." "What can I do you for?" "citizen." "Just returning from patrol." "Copy that." "Deactivating shield grid 24 A." "Ratchet and Clank will make their way through the Star Cracker chamber to the inner core." "it can quickly be disconnected..." "Yes." "Got it." "Clank will disable all the other weapons by hacking into the mainframe." "Weapons system disabled." "ELARIS:" "Leaving the Deplanetizer completely vulnerable to any outside forces." "(GASPS)" "COMPUTER:" "Warning." "Warning." "Core stabilizer offline." "Run away!" "Everybody panic!" "Warning." "Warning." "What's happening?" "Warning." "Core stabilizer offline." "Doctor!" "Where are you going?" "Me?" "Nowhere." "Certainly not out of a system-wide blast radius." "What?" "What?" "We've been infiltrated. and I can't find Chairman Drek anywhere!" "Ah!" "you have to do it yourself." "COMPUTER:" "Warning." "Warning." "Huh?" "Core stabilizer offline." "BLARG:" "Everybody panic!" "CAPTAIN QWARKI Ratchet... (GRUNTING)" "move in." "you guys!" "Ratchet!" "(GASPS)" "Cadet." "I'm placing you under arrest." "You can't do that." "I'll just arrest you right back!" "On what charge?" "False arrest?" "Being annoying?" "Who cares?" "Qwark! my Parking space!" "You were my hero." "Now you're no better than Nefarious!" "How dare you." "I am way better-looking than Nefarious!" "I'm taking you in." "if necessary." "wittle wombax with a wittle gun!" "(LAUGHING)" "(GRUNTS)" "Huh." "(GRUNTS) stop!" "You don't want to do this!" "Don't tell me what I want to do!" "(GRUNTING)" "Ratchet." "Now your right." "Huh?" "Qwark!" "(GROWLS)" "Whoa!" "Nefarious is tricking you!" "He wants you to destroy the entire system!" "you know everything." "Uh-oh!" "why don't we all just listen to Ratchet?" "look out!" "Whoa!" "my" "Buzz Blades?" "I taught you better than that!" "(CREATU RE LAUGHING)" "(GASPS)" "Some of it got in my mouth!" "It's in my mouth!" "He's just too good." "dear." "Whoa!" "(SCREAMING) Clank!" "Tornado Launcher!" "but he sure can build a gun." "please!" "You're not a villain!" "You're not like Nefarious." "and you know it!" "including us!" "Is that how you want to be remembered?" "(GRUNTS)" "I'm..." "I'm sorry." "I don't know how things got this far." "This is just pathetic!" "Nefarious." "Give it up." "It's over. he's here to place you under arrest." "Me?" "Absolutely." "Arrest this man for his speakable crimes against the galaxy." "My crimes?" "The real crime is how you treated me!" "The Rangers couldn't even give me a proper laboratory!" "We have an operational budget!" "You called me "King of the Nerd Herd!" "it was a term of endearment! creating all the weapons and devices that made you look like a hero." "But you're not a hero." "You're not even a good villain!" "You're the galaxy's biggestjoke." "Maybe." "But now the last laugh is on you." "what?" "That didn't make any sense." "it didn't." "It sounded like you were combining" "The joke is on you" with "I'll have the last laugh." "Take your pick." "That's not how it works!" "Get ready to engage mag-boosters!" "Ratchet and Clank are still inside." "Drek's going to fire at any moment!" "We don't have any more time! and be relevant to the situation!" "and they can't all be gold!" "put your hands in the air!" "Over your dead body!" "Whoa!" "(LAUGHING)" "Incoming." "(RATCHET SCREAMS)" "(LAUGHING)" "Whoa!" "(GRUNTS)" "(ALL SCREAMING) (SOBBING) Mommy!" "AUTOMATED VOICE:" "Dialing Mother." "(DIALING)" "Horkelberg residence!" "BRAX:" "Mag-boosters engaged!" "Full power!" "(ENGINE REVVING)" "(BEEPING)" "It's working." "Stay with it." "BRAX:" "Steady now!" "Steady!" "Whoa!" "(DR. NEFARIOUS SCREAMING)" "What's happening?" "Whoa!" "COMPUTER:" "Deplanetizer now online." "Qwark!" "Don't let him turn it on!" "you has-been!" "(YELLING) (GRUNTS)" "(LAUGHING)" "(ALARM BLARING) maybe Drek was right." "I am a mad scientist." "Whoo-hoo!" "They missed!" "(BLEATING)" "idiotic... (GRUNTS)" "(GASPS)" "(CHUCKLES)" "(EXPLODING)" "Break off." "Break off!" "Copy that." "you have to get out of there now!" "COMPUTER:" "Weapon locker depleted." "Hmm." "(GRUNTS) Yeah." "We're working on it." "No!" "My plan!" "You've ruined my plan!" "(GRUNTS)" "Qwark!" "(EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHING) it remains one of my favorites." "Rip You A New One." "Nefarious?" "What?" "(SCREAMING)" "Meet the Omniwrench." "(SCREAMING)" "(GRUNTING)" "(EXHALES)" "COMPUTER:" "Warning." "Now entering Umbris atmosphere." "Any ideas?" "Hmm." "guys." "Get out of there." "Come on!" "They'll never make it out in time." "We've got to help." "CORA:" "It's too late." "There's nothing we can do." "(ALL SCREAMING)" "We must find one of Drek's teleporters!" "I saw one on the bridge!" "Watch out!" "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "(YELLING) boys." "It's here!" "Hit the brakes!" "I know what... (SCREAMING)" "(CREAKING) (GASPS) no." "I can't reach you in time." "Just get out while you can!" "COM P UTE R:" "Te/eporter charging- Hmm." "What are you doing?" "(GRUNTING) improvising!" "(GRUNTING)" "(BOTH SCREAMING)" "Oh!" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "(GASPING)" "Are we dead?" "Huh?" "We are alive." "COMPUTER:" "All Rangers alive and accounted for." "Rangers!" "Good job!" "How many planets do you think I'll have to save for them to call me a hero again?" "Qwark." "Just the right ones." "Oh." "maybe it'll be worth something someday." "Hmm." "I must say that it is curious that the sudden cessation of velocity relative to our inertia did not cause either of you to... dear." "Cadet." "It happens to the best... (VOMITING)" "(GROANING) that was terrible." "boy. (VOMITING)" "Make it stop!" "Should we go and join the others?" "but there's a promise" "I have to keep to an old friend." "I understand." "Don't worry." "I'm sure we'll run into each other again someday." "It's a small galaxy." "I suppose this is goodbye." "Ratchet." "Ah... (LAUGHS)" "what's the holdup?" "(INDISTINCT CHATTER) (HONKING)" "MAN 2:" "Paying good money for this." "MAN 3:" "I haven't got all day!" "(GROANS)" "DALLAS ON TV:" "And that was the scene today" "making their triumphant return from saving our galaxy." "Grateful citizens gathered at the famed Hall of Heroes to mark this day that will live in hearts and minds forever." "the recently demoted Ranger will embark upon his galaxy-wide apology tour" "All Right?" "the former captain had this to offer." "(INHALES)" "Prepare to be blown away by my epic humility." "leaving this reporter with one question." "What does a Lombax do after saving the galaxy?" "We may never know." "a story about a baby glypod who can play the ukulele." "we haven't got all day!" "We have 10 more proton scrubs to do before lunch if we want to stay on schedule! you'd call us even." "didn't you?" "I heard you." "You see these ears?" "ZED:" "Hey!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Please wait for me!" "I have abandonment issues!" "CLANK:" "Might I offer a suggestion?" "Modifying that proton scrubber with a Gadgetron quasar flash would increase your efficiency by 47.4%." "I don't know." "That kind of tech takes two to operate." "And Grim's not as nimble as he used to be. if you do not mind me staying around a while." "You kidding?" "Things have been way too quiet without you around." "don't I?" "(CHUCKUNG)" "Clank." "You're a real wild one. am I to assume that you have retired from the Galactic Rangers?" "always a Ranger." "the minute somebody tries" "I'll be ready to go." "what are the odds of that happening?" "534 to one." "RATCHET:" "Yep." "A real wild one." "(BEEPING)" "(HUMMING)" "(DR. NEFARIOUS SCREAMING)" "(HUMMING)" "DR. NEFARIOUS:" "No!" "Get away from me!" "Do not stick that thing in..." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "(SCREAMING) you moron!" "I am not a robot!" "(LAUGHING)" "(MUSIC PLAYING)" "(CREAKING)" "Huh?" "Are you still here?" "All the logos and doohickeys already went by." "That means it's over." "Move along." "No extra little scene at the end of the movie." "I'm going to plant my boot so far up... beat it!" "Sheesh!"