"The big news of the day " "Dethklok bailed out of performing at the Michigan" ""Metal Health" Alliance benefit because as stated by" "William Murderface," ""they weren't making any money off of it."" "But the real back lash happened when Murderface, representing Dethklok appeared on a popular political talk show." "Dethklok doesn't owe you shit pal, or anybody else." "You need me to spell it out for you fine, I will!" "Hey, everybody in the whole fuckin' world!" "We're Dethklok!" "And you can just suck our krillionaire cock!" "We can't afford to pay our mortgages and Dethklok is laughing at us!" "fuck them!" "They've gotten too big, they used to be one of us!" "# Doodily ding dong tick-tock #" "# Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "Dethklok!" "#" "# I'll... teach you... to... rock... #" "# Dethklok, Dethklok #" "# Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree #" "# Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee #" "# William Murderface" "Murderface Murderface #" "# Pickles the drummer doodily doo # ding dong doodily doodily doo #" "# Nathan Explosion #" "Fuck them!" "They've gotten too big." "They used to be one of us!" "Alright guys, this is costing us several million dollars to destroy this report." "I want you to know that," "William." "A lot of stuff that you don't know about goes into silencing the media." "First off, we need to make agreements with all participants to evict all information from the record." "That of course includes rounding up all participants." "What the fuck?" "!" "And of course if there are any problems we'll have to deal with them." "You can take this waiver and shove it up your ass!" "Let it be known that the participant is belligerent." "Noted." "Participant slated for mental reprogramming, facial reconstructive surgery, and relocation." "Well you guys don't need to know everything that goes into it." "Just know it's a long, complicated expensive process." "This isn't my face!" "This happens every time you," "William, have a media disaster, which is often." "Why is everybody blaming me?" "You consistently make us look like a bunch of dumb, rich, sheltered assholes." "We should put's a fuckin' muzzle on dat guys." "Toki?" "Ams you wearings my pants?" "What's?" "Shuts up." "Dammits Murderface!" "We puts a muzzle on you asshole!" "Boy dids you fuck up!" "I would likes my pants back." "fuck you, Toki!" "I'll take that shit from these assholes but not you." "Well regardless Murderface." "Fuck you!" "Right." "Furthermore, due to this backlash we decided to get closer to the fans by lifting the world-wide ban on Dethklok tribute bands." "And, uh, you don't have to worry about that now." "We'll get to it tomorrow." "My lords your jet to Ibiza awaits." "What the fuck are we going to Ibiza for?" "Well it's the location of the pentuplemint gum company." "You all participated in a monster European ad campaign for Pentuplemint gum and the premiere's tonight." "Yeah, Pentuplemint, like Pentagram." "That's fuck bad-ass." "Right guys?" "Yeah, it's totally bad-ass and brutal." "Pentuplemint gum." "this is a pretty metal party." "Yeah!" "Hey you get over here." "What are those?" "This is a sugar crusted bacon-wrapped chilean sea bass seared in a platinum pan just how you like it, sire." "Ohhh!" "Dear God, that's good." "Oh kick ass, they're gonna show our bubblegum premiere." "Oh brutal!" "You know Murderface, you might have fuck up some fuck, but at least this has got the Dethklok stamp of approval." "And it's gonna be fuck bad-ass!" "And it's gonna be fuck metal!" "# oh when you're feeling alright # # you know you really gotta # # and it's really times # # to rock and roll!" "# # super squares are the magical thing # # it's a hob nobby dildo that's shaking a tree #" "# I'm talking pentuplemint spearmint gum #" "# I'm talking pentuplemint spearmint gum #" "# I'm talking pentuplemint spearmint gum # fuck seriously chewy." "oohhh." "That was not very good." "Hey, you're Nathan Explosion right?" "Uh, yeah." "Get away from me." "I just want to say I think you're a real sell-out and I ain't buying no more of your records." "Take this fuck head." "fuck you." "Pentuplemint gum's fuck lame!" "You should know that." "Dude it's okay!" "It's a European ad!" "Come back!" "It's a Europeans ads." "It doesn't make a difference!" "I thought it didn't makes a difference!" "Uh, apparently it does." "fuck." "I think that fuck kid was right." "What are we doing?" "Selling gum in Europe?" "There's nothing brutal about that." "We wouldn't have done that when we started out." "It's not just Murderface, it's us." "Maybe we should just get used to being sell-outs." "We're totally out of touch." "You know right?" "Right super model that I just fuck'd?" "Cfo: welcome back everyone." "You look a little tired, a little hung over." "Let's get right into this." "Since the lifting of the worldwide ban on Dethklok tribute bands, there has been an explosion all around the globe." "As per the terms of the vote," "Dethklok retains the right of approval or disapproval of each band." "Let's begin." "First, from Boulder, Colorado," "Smoothklok, who perform smooth jazz versions of" "Dethklok songs." "SKWISGAAR:" "Yeah that's ams pretty crappsy." "TOKI:" "Gots to admits it's brutal though." "Brutal as in, like, what if I had to listen to this shit." "This is Ladyklok, an all-female tribute to Dethklok." "No." "Women are physically incapable of achieving brutality." "It's just a cruel fact of nature." "That Lady Pickles is pretty cute though." "That's kind of creepy." "No it isn't." "She does have pretty eyes." "From Korea, Dethkrok." "No." "The Barbarklok Quintet." "No." "Christklok." "Uhh." "Thunderhorse." "No." "Yes." "Sorry Toki?" "Did I hear a yes?" "I likes 'em." "Next band." "Wait a minute." "Are you kiddings Toki?" "Look at them guys." "I thinks they're pretty cool." "Wait a minute!" "No that's pretty cool." "Let's move on." "Wait!" "Stop the video!" "Zoom in." "Closer." "To the right." "Right there." "That's Toki." "It is!" "Holy shit." "You're in a tribute band paying tribute to yourself?" "That's like jacking off to a picture of yourself online." "Which I've done." "Of course I'm not's paying tribute to myself." "In Thunderhorse, I'm Skwisgaar." "Dats why my pants and shirts keep disappearing!" "Dats fuckin' weird dudes." "Well, we're really good." "We plays every Thursday night." "Wait a minute!" "Thursday night?" "That's impossible!" "You have astronaut class on Thursday night." "Astronaut class is a lie?" "!" "I've been telling everybody that you're going to be an astronaut." "Now you're making me look like an asshole!" "Now waits, waits!" "Give us a chance." "Come sees us play!" "Uhhh, I don't know." "Wait a minute." "Tribute band, crappy club, real people..." "Maybe we should go." "Wow." "What a shit hole." "Look at that stage." "It's fuckin' tiny!" "PICKLES:" "Oh, wait no dude, it's just an optical illusion." "It just looks small because it's real far away." "Check it out" " I'll walk all the way over to it." "Holy shit, it's tiny!" "Hey uh, I'm Jimmy Palamino, uh Palamino Tribute band" "Emporium." "Your home to the best, to the next best thing to the best." "It's my pleasure to welcome to the stage Norman Blowup," "Pockles the Drummer," "Tooki Wolfpaint," "Billy Butterface and Skwisgaar Skwigelf." "Didn'ts even change my name?" "Ladies and gentlemen," "Thunderhorse!" "Hey guys, are you ready to get brutal?" "Toki!" "You gotta let us into your band." "I agrees." "I think this is just what we needs." "But we already gots a you." "Me." "Well fines then." "I'll be you." "A much betters you." "It'll be perfect!" "We'll be regular jackoffs!" "No one will even know it's us if we're in our own tribute group!" "You all want to join" "Thunderhorse?" "Yes." "We do." "We're going to take a break from the fuckin' disgusting asshole rich life." "And what better way to do that than by joining a tribute band to the greatest band in the world." "Dethklok!" "But Nathan's we can't kicks everyones out of de bands!" "It's their tribute band!" "fuck that, watch this." "Hey you guys, fuckin' scram." "Bye bye." "Fired." "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here." "Bye bye." "Uhhhh, they're not getting it." "Look guys, we're only thinking about what's best for Thunderhorse here." "Alright how 'bout this." "You guys got about five seconds to get out of here then the beatings begin." "5... get out, scram... 4,3... even me?" "No, no no." "You're special." "We need you." "Just kidding." "Yes, you too, pug nose." "Scramarooney." "On through that door." "Go on." "Get out of here!" "Gentlemen, we are faced with a volatile situation." "Dethklok has deliberately stepped down from celebrity status in an attempt to meld into normal society." "If this type of behavior spread to the greater celebrity world, the effects could be devastating." "We have a celebrity specialist to tell us more." "Gentlemen, once a mortal becomes a celebrity, their credibility is constantly challenged by regular jackoffs." "This of course sends them in search of their innocence and former naivete." "When these celebrities realize they can no longer be who they were they become despondent self-hating zombies and flee from the public." "If Dethklok withdrawals the consequences will be abominable." "The economy would begin to fall upon itself and world relations would crumble." "We all die." "Good God." "Our worst nightmare." "Exactly." "What can we do?" "Right now, nothing." "We can only pray that by some miracle," "Dethklok comes to their senses." "Thank you!" "We are Thunderhorse, a tribute to the greatest band in the world" " Dethklok." "Good night!" "Man can you believe this?" "I mean, this is what we were talking about not too long ago." "This fuckin' lifestyle, five sweaty dudes in a shitty little room." "No bullshit, fancy caterings and top-shelf booze... yeah, and no wide screen TVs to throw our empty champagne bottles through." "Hey, nice job, guys." "You almost sound like the real thing." "Anyway, here's a few beer tickets." "On the house." "Beer tickets?" "I think he said," ""beer tickets."" "beer tickets?" "I don't know what that is." "Well these are good for any of the cheap domestics." "Yeah, let's try your little theory out, shit head." "You do it, I'm not doing it." "I'll do it, I don't care." "Yeah do it Pickles, see what happens!" "Stand and wait for him." "Go." "Go go, go go go." "Uhh, I have a beer ticket for one beer please." "What is he doing?" "What happened?" "Guys!" "It's a beer!" "You mean that that things he gaves you ams likes little monies what ams only for beers?" "How come Dethklok never got beer tickets before?" "Yeah what the hell?" "Okay, this is bullshit all right?" "All we ever get is all the booze we can drink." "We never get beer tickets." "Hey uh, excuse me?" "Are you Norman Blowup?" "Uh, yeah." "That's who I am." "I'm heading up the Pontiac" "Michigan Metal Health" "Alliance Benefit and would love for you guys to play it." "Uh lady." "I don't think so." "We don't do that kind of thing." "Wait, guys." "Dethklok would never do something like this, but" "Thunderhorse would." "We'll do it." "Thunderhorse is going to be there." "Yeah you can count on them." "I know of a party at this dude's house, and I think his parents are out of town." "Will there be people there we can get in touch with our roots with, like ugly chicks?" "Probably." "We're going." "This is it, guys." "Hanging out with regular jackoffs." "I feel like we're finally getting in touch with our fuckin' roots - and fuck guys, that's pretty fuckin' awesome." "I think that's my stomach." "I think that's me maybe." "Wait." "When was the last time we ate?" "I don't know." "We usually get fed by our servants." "But, they aren't here." "Right they ring that bell and then we know we're supposed to eat." "I don't remembers no ones ringing no bells, so that's means it's been days since we ates." "Guys, I think we're starving." "I remember this." "Does we gots any monies?" "Nope." "We got those beer tickets." "That's all." "Well how the fuck are we gonna eat then?" "!" "I got it." "We're hungry." "I'm going to get us a gig." "So you know, this gig here doesn't pay but, you know, when you're done you can have all the spaghetti you want." "Dats fine." "Probably what we'd use our money on anyway: spaghetti." "Yeah spaghetti." "Cut out the middleman." "So uhhh, I'm not seeing any load-in team." "Can you page them or whatever and tell them to load us in?" "I'm started to get worried about time here." "Oh, no no no no." "There's no load-in team." "You guys are gonna have to set up your own gear." "Alright." "We're done loading in gear." "Murderface, you haven't even loaded your gear in yet." "I'm not loading it." "I don't do that." "Dude, everyone loads in their own stuff." "It's the rules!" "Oh like it matters." "I'll just fuckin' pretend play." "It won't be the first time." "What?" "Nothin!" "It won't be the first time you pretend played?" "Well that's good." "That's good to know." "Great." "The spaghetti is ruined." "We'll at least we got the gig tonight at Palaminos." "We'll just make sure to not get paid in beer ticket money, but actual money." "Thank you!" "Good night!" "Whoa, that's the smallest audience we've ever played." "You guys must've forgotten to flyer." "Flyering?" "Am I from outer space?" "What's flyering?" "We have to print out some advertisements, write the information on there, pass them out to people." "Boom!" "Everyone's here." "We'll be turning people away." "Looks like Dethklok's stirring up things again!" "The Pentuplemint Gum Company was attacked earlier today by angry" "Dethklok fans for" ""exploiting" the band." "The destruction cost the company nearly 12 million in repairs but who's really at fault here?" "And where's Dethklok to answer these questions?" "Looks like it's a good time to not be in Dethklok." "In related news, the struggling Dethklok tribute band, Thunderhorse, has been signed to headline the Metal Health Alliance benefit." "Big deal!" "Who cares!" "Sloppy seconds anyone?" "Hmm." "Guys we don't have a lot of money, so we're not going to get that many flyers." "So we gotta place them very strategically, all right?" "We got to place them really, really strategically." "Next." "Oh look at you guys." "You're a band." "That's real exciting." "Making flyers so you can get big and famous?" "Ugh, yeah." "We'd like to make flyers." "What's your band called?" "Hey we're called uh, Thun - never heard of you." "Surprise!" "Dats why we ams gettings flyers, so peoples knows whats who we are." "And then you'll be a big rock and roll star!" "Wowie!" "Another band." "If I wasn't so lethargic from from hunger I'd, uh, kick your ass and... make copies of it here." "Copy." "That's my stomach, making that sound." "Uhhhh." "Why are we here?" "Why do we have this stack of paper?" "Passing out flyers." "Right." "Fuck." "Why am I so fuckin' tired?" "I mean I know I'm hungry, but why am I so hungry?" "I know why." "We haven't eaten." "We haven't had a good night of sleep." "Well our sleeping situation could be better." "Moves your arm." "Does you likes that?" "Lets me knows if I tickles you." "Sorry that's my stomach." "So yeah." "We have a hundred flyers here, that's it." "We need them to go out to people who will come to a show." "Do not fuck this up," "Murderface." "And with the real Dethklok on indefinite hiatus, tonight's benefit is being touted as the local event of the year." "And it features the band that sounds almost just like Dethklok more or less." "So, uh, this is what you guys have been up to, huh?" "No answer?" "Getting back to your roots been good?" "Nathan?" "Yes." "It's been really good." "You guys doing okay with no money or accommodations?" "We've been fine!" "God!" "Well uh, you don't sound fine." "You sound agitated." "Hungry." "Miserable." "Anyway the reason I'm here is that I caught wind that "Thunderhorse" is doing a health benefit." "You realize tonight is your uh," "Chefs from around the World" "Taste Test party?" "But we have an obligation and" "Thunderhorse doesn't back down on obligations - not like some other bands." "Well uhh, I brought you guys some Kobe beef fois gras burgers." "No!" "We don't eat that fancy expensive stuff anymore!" "We're getting in touch with our roots!" "Uhh, alright then." "Well, you guys know how to get in touch with me." "Goodbye." "Thunderhorse!" "Well uh, guys, tonight's the big night - metal health alliance benefit that we said we'd do." "You all feeling good?" "Ugh." "Hey, you are Norman Blowup from Thunderhorse right?" "Yeah, yeah I am." "I just want to say I think you are a fuckin' sell-out for doing this health benefit concert." "Dethklok would never do something like this and you're ruining their good name." "Fuck you!" "You should know better than that!" "You know, uh, guys, it's hard to say this but," "I've have my fuckin' fill of getting back to our roots." "And, that's because it fuckin' sucks." "I am so glad you said that." "I mean the reason we are in Dethklok is because we all paid our dues already." "I didn't." "I says we gets the fuck out of here." "But dude we still have to do that benefit." "We promised those guys we'd do it!" "Thunderhorse promised." "Not Dethklok." "Dethklok's getting the fuck out of here and getting some fuckin' food." "Waits stops!" "We needs to tell thems that we are going." "It's a health benefits!" "We needs to do the right things!" "Its a mob of angry people," "Toki." "Who do you wanna throw out there to the fuckin' sharks?" "Hello one and all." "I have a small announcement." "We want Thunderhorse!" "It would seem that" "Thunderhorse will not be performing this evening as scheduled." "What?" "What the fuck?" "!" "Hear me out." "I think if we can all just remain calm." "Take this beer bottle on your face." "Look, you fuckin' pricks!" "I don't have to take this kind of bullshit from you fuckin' dildos!" "I'm fuckin' William fuckin' Murderface!" "And you can suck my millionaire cock!" "We're ready now." "Pick us up in our big fancy fuckin' helicopter." "Thank you."