"Michael asked me to marry him." "I'm engaged!" "Can I be your best man?" "You know I love you, but... the best man is going to be... 5.04" " Country Weekend" "Non-existent." "Yeah." "We're just doing, like, a casual thing with friends." "That way, everybody has a nice time." "Just doing a last-minute spruce up before the guests arrive for the weekend." "Oh, Betty." "You've always cared for my family's country home as if it's your job." "It is my job." "Oh, hi!" " You guys drove!" " We made it here, okay?" "All right?" "Yeah, I took one wrong turn out of 100 turns." "Hey, Cat." " Tough drive?" " No!" "I'm not in the charity business." "Look..." "We either like the number or not, or I shove it up your ass." "Sorry." "Things are really crazy at Marvin's work." "It was just made-up." "He's been yapping on the phone the whole time." "I know, I know." "I'm not talking about him behind his back." "He's standing right there." "He can hear me." "Not everybody's deaf, you know." " Hey!" " Hi." "Oh, Owen and Denise." "How great that your parents' country home is in the same part of Japan as the army base that we're living on?" "It's practically unbelievable." "Oh, I'm just so glad you could make it." "Any chance to spend some quality time with my hubby." "Aww, you two." "Oh, man." "I am crazy about my wife." "You are so lucky." "Sherry and I haven't gotten along since that time before we met." "Oh, guys, hey!" "Val and Al are here!" "Hey!" "I forgot." "Val is dating comedy-music legend Weird Al Yankovic." "Hi, guys." "This is my boyfriend, Weird Al Yankovic." "Please, call me Weird Al..." "Yankovic." "Or just Weird Al Yankovic." "Whatever you're more comfortable with." "Val's told me so many funny stories about one of you." "I heard you the first time, Sherry." "I'm not blind." "Okay, well, you keep yelling like that, you're gonna break something." "Oh, my God." "Hmm." "Everyone, I'd like to propose a toast." "Aww." "What part of "final offer" don't you understand?" "Honey, honey." "I talked to you a few days ago about this." "To Cat." " Aww." " Powerful." "You're gonna make me cry." "Boo-boo..." "Wait, you guys." "We're toasting the bride, but we haven't even met the groom." "Oh, gosh." "No, Michael's on his way home from work, and if he is running on time, he'll be here in 60 seconds." "Actually, I was gonna take the 9:15 train out of the city, but I finished up early and jumped on the 9:14." " Michael..." " Hi, baby." "Hey." "I wasn't expecting you for another minute." "Nice to meet you all." "Cat's told me so many funny stories about all but one of you." "Michael's in the music business." "Yeah, I'm a cashier at Guitar Center." "Ooh." "He's met Alex Van Halen twice." "Second to Eddie, that is the Van Halen you want to meet." "So, this is Owen and his wife, Denise." "And Valerie and her boyfriend, Weird Al Yankovic." "Oh, hey." "And that's Marvin over there." "And my white housekeeper, Betty." "And, finally, my very best friend in the world..." "Lola Spratt." "Hi, Michael." "How do you two know each other?" "From Columbia." "I was pre-med." "And I was pre..." "What was it again?" "Pre-what?" "What was it again?" "Cat, are you all right?" "Ladies and gentlemen," "I have some very disturbing news." "My wife, Sherry's, been stabbed." "She's dead." "Somebody call 911." "My folks don't believe in landlines, so we have to use someone's cell." "We could ask Marvin to use his." "We'll just have to wait till he gets off." "Sweetie, you used to be a police officer." "You can conduct the investigation for the time being." " Great idea." " Okay." "She's right." "Meanwhile, no one here should worry about this." "A woman has been stabbed, probably by someone who's walking among us, but the important thing is to focus on the beautiful wedding of Cat and Michael taking place tomorrow." "Aww..." " Aww..." " Powerful." "Not that I care at all, but how come you never mentioned anything about you and Lola?" "What do you want me to say?" "Am I supposed to report to you every single detail of my entire life?" "!" "Okay, okay." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm gonna get a snack." "You want anything?" "Um..." "I'll take whatever's just lying around." "I mean, if there's a couscous medley, I'll take it in a tagine." "Let me guess." "Peanut butter on bread." "You remembered." "It feels like just yesterday... the day I met you at that party in the 1990's." "What is that awesome smell?" "Is that peanut butter and bread?" "Not quite." "Peanut butter on bread." "It's kind of my specialty." "Here." "Try it." "Okay." "Mmm." "It's peanut buttery, but I can definitely taste the bread in there, too." "That's exactly..." "what I was going for." "I'm Lola." "Pre-med." "Michael." "Pre-ejaculate making its way up my vas deferens." "I figure since you're pre-med, you understand what I'm saying." "You know, I still think of you fondly every time I see or taste bread." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Well, we should get some sleep, huh?" "Yeah." " Good night." " Good night." "Dude, you're killing me here." "No, I'll call it off." "I don't care." "No." "You tell..." "Oh, I didn't see you come in." "Are you in the middle of a number two right now?" "No." "Too nervous." "Good." "Who are we kidding?" "Oh, this was bound to happen." "Oh, Michael." "Oh, I haven't had sex on a toilet in months." "Oh, here comes Cat." "She looks so beautiful." "Oh, she looks great." "Oh, she went with the white dress." "I can't do this." " Michael." " I'm so sorry, everybody." "I'm sorry, Cat." "The wedding's off." "Why?" "I can tell you why." "Because his fiancée... is a murderer!" "What?" "It look a while to put it all together, but now it makes perfect sense." "Cat hated Glenn's wife, Sherry, from moment one." "Sherry is a woman that can't hear anything at all!" "Then there's the matter of the weapon." "The weapon was a stainless steel knife purchased from where?" "A department store." "Now, then." "It gives me pause as far as this being as... strong a case as I'd hoped when I... heard it in my head before I started speaking." "And it is actually unlikely that Cat did this murder at all." "And now it's just anxiety that I have as I... look around and see everybody looking." "Denise!" " Marvin?" "!" " What?" "What can I say?" "You caught us." "I'm having sex with Denise right now." "There's no denying it." "So, Marvin, were you on the phone with Denise the whole time negotiating the terms of your impending affair?" "In a nutshell, yes." "That's right." "Denise, how could you?" "Let's face it, Owen." "I want to have fun, and you always want to investigate Sherry's murder." "Of course I had sex with Marvin." "How could I not?" "Wait, what?" "Well, then I have an announcement to make, too." "Michael and I are in love." "And we've decided to be together." "It's too late, Lola." "I'm in love with someone else." "What?" "It happened when we were in the bathroom." "But..." "I love you." "I've been wanting to quit my job, but you needed me to be the big, fancy cashier at Guitar Center, and, you know what?" "I never met Alex Van Halen." "I only told you that I met A.V.H., 'cause that's the kind of cashier that you needed me to be." "No." "I..." "Betty's the first woman to give me the courage to pursue my dreams." "So she and I are gonna live together." "And we're both gonna work for Weird Al Yankovic." "That's right." "Betty's gonna manage my Twitter account, and Michael is gonna be my personal cashier." "Were you gonna mention this to me?" "No, I wasn't." "Why?" "Well, there's nothing left to say." "I, uh, got a taxi waiting outside if you want a ride." "Betty, Marvin, Weird Al, Denise." "Oh, Mondays, right?" "The weekends are never quite long enough." "Hey, that reminds me, Glenn." "About your wife's stabbing..." "You know, I'm kind of stumped on this." "Everybody seems to have an alibi but you." "All right, listen." "Listen to me." "I did it, okay?" "I killed Sherry." "But it was only because I was angry at her." "Oh." "That's why your prints were on the knife." "You did it." "That's exactly right." "I just figured it out." "Should we go to the cops?" "I'll tell you what." "Just this once," "I'm gonna take off my investigator hat and I'm gonna put on my friend hat and let you off with a warning." "Wow." " Thank you, buddy." " I owe you." "You know, you just helped me solve the big murder case." "I did." "So now we're even." " Okay." " I love you, buddy." "I love you, too." "Has anyone ever told you that you look like an older Weird Al Yankovic?" "Yeah."