"[Music playing]" "[MUSIC JACK MARTIN AND THE TYREE BROTHERS, "HOUND DOG"]" "Y'all know why white women PMS, right?" "Because they deserve it, man." "Hell, boy, I don't care." "I pull that string out with my teeth," "Flop it back and forth to make me some red wings." "I ain't into that crime scene sex." "Hell yeah." "Y'all some sick fucks." "I just like the extra lube, man." "Hell, boy, I don't care." "Bloody or not, here I come." "We ain't worried about the women." "The only two things that matter in the deer woods" "Is cold beer and no nagging old lades." "And weed." "REDNECK:" "Hell, yeah." "Careful, it's got a bit of creep on it." "We're in for some good hunting, boys." "[Typewriter sound]" "[Bell]" "[Air raid siren]" "Fuck, what was that?" "I thought you said this was creeper." "You already freaking out." "I ain't freaking out." "Shut up." "[Gunshot]" "Tower, this Ranger Willis." "I'm hearing some gunfire out here." "I'm going to check it out." "Oh, shit!" "Is he dead?" "Y'all with me?" "You saw that it was an accident." "What are we going to do?" "[Growl]" "[Growl]" "[Growl]" "[Growl]" "[Growl]" "Dude, man, are you all right?" "[Growl]" "[Gunshot]" "[Music - doa, "already dead"]" "Ahh!" "What the hell?" "[Gunshot]" "[Gunshot]" "[Gunshot]" "[MUSIC GEIN AND THE GRAVEROBBERS," "["CRYPT KEEPER'S HOLIDAY"]" "[Music playing]" "Good morning." "First of all, I'd like to remind everybody of the exam, 9" "O'clock Monday morning." "It's going to cover all the material up to" "And including what we talk about today." "So open your text to chapter 13." "We're going to talk a little bit about cost" "Benefit analysis, which we started discussing last week." "A major consideration in assessment" "Of feasibility of any project that you undergo" "Is the cost benefit analysis." "It would be foolish." "So cost benefit analysis is a decisive step in the systems." "Roger, Stacy?" "So nice of you to join us today." "I hope coming here didn't (DISTORTED)" "Put you out too much?" "Sorry, Miss Gerlen." "Yeah, sorry we're late." "We, uh." "["Jeopardy" style music playing]" "We had a flat tire." "Well, at least you're creative with poor excuses." "Do you have your report finished, you know," "The one on macroeconomic analysis, the one" "That's due this morning?" "Uh, my cat ate it?" "Class, please pass up your reports." "[BREAKING NEWS STYLE MUSIC PLAYING]" "Good citizens, we have a major epidemic on our hands." "Our sources have reported a new virus has infected our people." "Scientists are baffled by the recent deaths" "Of three rednecks, two yuppies, four" "Trekkies, and some other people not worth mentioning." "We have no idea how this virus works." "And we're pretty sure there is no cure." "So stay inside, people, and remember stay clean." "(DISTORTED) Don't use drugs." "Avoid unsafe sex." "Stay in school." "And most of all, don't have any fun." "I'm Elizabeth Quigly reporting from COTW News." "[BREAKING NEWS STYLE MUSIC PLAYING]" "[Ominous music playing]" "Roger?" "Roger, wake up." "I don't appreciate you sleeping in my class so get up." "[Ominous music playing]" "[Squishing, spurting sounds]" "(DISTORTED) Obey the wacky." "Obey the wacky." "[severely distorted voice]" "[Classical music playing]" "[CLASSICAL MUSIC, CLATTERING SOUNDS]" "[Classical music playing]" "[MUSIC DOTTLES AND SKULLS, "NIGHTMARE"]" "[Severely distorted voice]" "[Tinny voices chanting "la la"]" "Yeah, do it." "[Ominous music playing]" "[STATIC WHINE, BACKGROUND SOUNDS FROM TV]" "Wake and bake time, motherfucker." "Shit, I'm starving." "Spark that bitch up, all right?" "Dude, I hardly remember last night." "(DISTORTED) Yeah, I know." "All I remember is you sticking in a mayonnaise jar and going," "Look at me, look at me." "Yeah, then you passed out like fucking jackass" "Before I could even finish naming the name." "So." "[Snort]" "What do you guys of calling the band Iron Dick?" "Nah, no, that, that's, that's horrible." "What about Cock Smurf." "That sucks." "[Cough]" "What the fuck ever happened to, uh, Weed Whore?" "I thought we agreed on that." "We're not a fucking chick band, dude." "You just, you don't get it, do you?" "[Muffled sound from TV]" "I got it." "(DISTORTED) I got it." "[Sparking sound]" "The name of the band, Peda-feel-my-nuts." "Nah, no more weed for you, dumbass." "Hey." "Hey, check it out." "It's the school we quit." "[BREAKING NEWS STYLE MUSIC PLAYING]" "Tragedy struck this morning, at Henlaughter High School, when" "Two students attacked and cannibalized teachers," "Students, and school faculty." "We had a chance to speak with a few of the students" "That witnessed today's tragic events unfold." "Yeah, I knew that Roger guy." "He was a weirdo." "You know always wearing black and listening" "To that devil worship music." "Yeah, but I know where he is now." "Down there." "Oh, my god, it was so gross." "I tried to run away, but I slipped on the blood. [Sobbing]" "Ahh." "Eww." "Eww." "Eww." "Miss Stacy, I knew her." "Actually, now that Roger's dead, I knew her real well." "I fucked her." "It was all right." "Well, as you can see, the kids here are taking it pretty hard." "We'll keep you posted." "I'm Elizabeth Quigly with COTW News." "[BREAKING NEWS STYLE MUSIC PLAYING]" "Oh, man." "Do you believe that?" "Yeah, we should have stayed in school." "No shit." "I totally want to pork that news lady." "Let's call the band Butt Frog." "STONER:" "Dude, I'm not feeling so hot." "Calm down, man." "The pizza will be here soon." "Pizza?" "They deliver pizza this early?" "Hey, dude, is it me or does he look a little green?" "Yeah, man." "Hey, dude, you look kind of green." "You OK?" "No, dude." "I feel a little weird." "Must be that cheap gin you drank last night." "Yeah, I'm not feeling too hot, either." "Going to the bathroom." "[Muffled sounds from TV]" "[Ominous music playing]" "[Muffled sounds from TV]" "[Comical music playing]" "[Muffled sounds from TV]" "[Comical music playing]" "[Doorbell]" "[Comical music playing]" "Whoa." "Pizza man." "Pizza man." "Take it in." "It'll be quick a quick thing." "Thank you for choosing Wedgies Pizza." "Thank you." "That's $16.68 for the Wedgies Pizza." "I got to find money, man." "I got to find money." "Just come in and wait." "Thank you." "Thank you." "STONER:" "I'll get the money." "Don't forget to get tip." "This is a Wedgies Pizza." "Put it down here, man." "I got to find money." "I got to find some money." "Don't forget tip." "Tip." "OK." "Eh." "Yep." "Yep, nice magazine." "Hey, don't forget tip." "Better give me a big tip." "Then give me the big tip." "Boy, it, it didn't like a Troma movie." "[Growls]" "What's going on?" "[Growl]" "Now, I want that tip." "What?" "What?" "[Screams]" "[Screams]" "[Laughs]" "[Laughter]" "[Alarm]" "What time is it?" "12:40." "Oh, shit, I'm late." "Jim, call me a cab." "Yeah, all right." "Hey, Vanessa, you should try some of this weed" "That Tim brought over." "I hadn't tried it yet, but it's supposed" "To be really fucking good." "Just call me the cab." "I'm just saying, if it was me going to work, I'd toke it up." "Yeah, and if you were working at all, it would be a miracle." "[Ominous music playing]" "[Horn tooting]" "Cab's here." "Well, you are good for something." "Yeah, this is the other thing." "I'm taking this with me." "See you later." "Bye." "What, no blow job?" "[MUSIC DUFUS, "OUTERSPACE ODESSEY"]" "[Ominous music playing]" "[Rattling engine]" "[MUSIC MISS HANA HOKES, "BACKSIDE OF DALLAS"]" "[Police scanner]" "[Siren]" "[Siren]" "[Police scanner]" "DISPATCH (ON RADIO):" "Any, in the street unit, 97," "If you could type your notes to batch" "Number for this CHP officer." "Good, good morning, uh, ossifer 1088." "POLICE OFFICER:" "Morning." "Um, was I speeding, sir?" "No." "I pulled you over because I don't like your kind." "Hippy shit is what you are." "[Sniff] Do I smell reefer?" "HIPPY:" "No." "Have you been driving around smoking a doobie?" "Do have any drugs in this vehicle?" "Drugs?" "No, no, sir." "I don't do drugs, man." "I used to do drugs." "But that whole drug scene, man, that is like a bad trip man." "Like, you know, like you go to the store," "Man, because you want some chicken, right?" "And you're looking for the chicken," "And you see the sign for chicken." "And so you go there and you pick up the package, man," "And it says chicken on it." "But there is not like a chicken in there, man." "There's just like this white thing with this slime on it," "Man." "So you say, where's the chicken, man?" "And the guy with the white coat, he says," "Well, that's the chicken, man." "And I'm like, why are you fucking with my head, man?" "I just want some chicken, all right?" "And I look around, and everybody's looking at me, man." "I just wanted some chicken." "Why does this have to turn into such a big hassle thing, man?" "Hey, do you have any chicken?" "Get your patchouli smelly ass out of that car, now!" "OK, man, see this, this is turning into like" "A whole authority thing, man." "And that's, that's not good, man." "My counselor, she says I got a problem with authority," "So I got to like, I got to stay away from that sort of thing," "OK, man?" "So look, look, let's just, we got to just sit down," "All right." "All right, so what we got to do, we just got to sit down." "And we got to talk this over, OK, man?" "Why don't I just take a look?" "Look, man, we're just like two people on the face" "Of the planet Earth, OK, man?" "And like the Earth, it's like, it's just," "It's spinning around, man." "And we've just got to like sit down" "And like listen to mother nature, OK, man?" "We got to close our eyes and just stand out there, man," "And listen to the wind." "Well, well, look what we got here." "DISPATCH (ON RADIO):" "Negative, West End, 605 in the valley." "(DISTORTED) Give me that weed back, pig." "[MUSIC MUEZU, "PAPAL DISCREPANCY"]" "Hm?" "DISPATCH (ON RADIO):" "Is this going to be a scoop and run?" "DISPATCH (ON RADIO):" "Affirmative, they're aware." "(DISTORTED) Obey the wacky." "Obey the wacky." "Obey the wacky." "Obey the wacky." "Obey the wacky." "Obey the wacky." "[Music playing]" "In 1988, I had this tabby cat named Wanda." "Of course, my girlfriend, she hated the cat at the time." "I loved that cat." "I still have that cat." "I lost the girl." "And in 1990, after my hernia operation," "I was riding this pony named Bugs" "Right down to a swamp gully." "That's what it was, a swamp gully, yeah." "And, anyway, that thing was so fast," "It ran and it ran and it ran right into the lake." "Drowned himself." "And then I got this other pony." "I, uh, forgot what his name was." "But we had it for my six-year-old daughter's" "Birthday party, because all of the kids wanted to ride a pony." "So we got the pony, and then, right" "In the middle of that party, that pony just dropped dead." "I thought that, oh, the kids are going to be disappointed." "But I wasn't going to let it happen." "I'm going to let them kids ride that pony." "I let four of them sit on that pony, and I drug" "It around in a circle." "That's what I did." "That's when I realized that ponies was stupid." "So I guess better just stick with tabby cats." "What are you talking about?" "That's the thing about driving a cab." "Some days are good." "Some days are bad." "You got to roll with the punches, you know," "Keep your head up." "And you can't go looking for trouble" "When trouble is spelled with two T's and an eight-ball." "And in 1982, I was a clown traveling with the circus." "Then I met this dude." "He was a lion tamer, a big son of a bitch." "He was a big son of a bitch." "I'm telling you, he would six-foot eight." "Yes, he was." "His name was C.J. Lerone." "Old C.J., he don't take know guff." "He says, I like them lions." "And I liked him." "I liked him a lot." "That's when I got my first cat, Barry." "He got hit by a train." "Flattened him out like a pancake." "As you can imagine, I, I was fairly distraught over it." "Oh, god, I feel like shit." "Oh, and one time, I accidentally" "Lit my cat, Jerry, on fire." "I didn't know what the cat was." "God, I was drunk." "Can I tell you what?" "I feel like shit." "[Voice sped up and distorted]" "Just let me out here." "Fucking zombies, always messing up my cab." "Well, at least she left her weed." "Oh." "[Music damage case, "red alert"]" "[MUSIC ELECTRIC FRANKENSTEIN, "MY WORLD"]" "I thought you went away." "I've got some good shit." "From Dave?" "Totally." "[Laughs]" "Are we still going to the show?" "They're already ripping it." "It's OK if you want." "Oh, let's just say here." "[Sexy music]" "[MUSIC THE DWARVES, "WE MUST HAVE BLOOD"]" "[Farting sound]" "And then I said, who are you motherfuckers?" "Right?" "Whoa." "[Music playing]" "[Chatter]" "Hey, dude." "What's up, guys?" "What's up, my man?" "[Chatter]" "What's up, guys?" "Ow!" "What's up, man?" "What's up, Cool Breeze?" "Stoney." "What's up?" "Right on." "Man, I'm doing fucking good." "I'm drunk as fuck." "Oh, yeah, man, can I get one of those?" "Oh, shit, man, I'm pretty tight right now." "I just can't be giving the shit away." "Whatever, man, you're already drunk." "Seriously." "No, seriously, man, we going to get you high." "As shit?" "Hell, yeah, man, we got the killer" "Shit, fucking demonic chronic." "Kick ass." "Hell yeah, man." "Cool." "[MUSIC THE DEADITES, "ACTION HOUSE PARTY"]" "Word is, this is the shit, man." "Yeah?" "Dude, can I get another?" "You said, a beer." "Come on, man, we're getting you stoned." "Fuck." "All right, one more." "What a fucking bum." "No shit." "[MUSIC THE DEADITES, "ACTION HOUSE PARTY"]" "So, do you want to go get high?" "Can my friends all come?" "Who?" "Sure." "[Ominous music playing]" "Hey, dude, Jenny and her friend wanted to come." "Hey, guys, what's going on?" " Guys." " What's up?" "Hey, nice orange." "[Music - blitz, "final hour"]" "So what's been going on, Preston?" "It's Cool Breeze." "What?" "Call me Cool Breeze." "But your name's Preston." "But everybody calls me Cool Breeze." "Like who?" "My dad calls me Cool Breeze." "Actually, my dad's the first one to call me Cool Breeze." "Your dad is fucking gay." "What?" "[Comical music playing]" "Come on, boy." "It's time for your, it's time for your bath." "Water, water, remember, It's time for your bath." "It's not hot." "Not hot at all." "It's not hot." "No, he's not." "Dude." "You all right?" "Man, I feel like shit." "Dude, do you feel like shit?" "I can't open my eyes." "I'm just drunk is all." "Well, I feel like shit." "Man, Stoney just doesn't get stoned no matter" "How much shit he smokes." "STONEY:" "Hey, you do look like shit." "I got to get out of here You guys, (DISTORTED)" "Don't fuck with my shit." "[MUSIC THE DEADITES, "ACTION HOUSE PARTY", PARTY SOUNDS]" "Sue." "SUE:" "Mm hm" "I feel like shit." "Yeah, I'm drunk off my ass." "Me, too." "But I feel like shit." "Ohh." "Hey, Brian." "Yeah." "Well, you know we've friends for a long time." "Yeah." "And, well." "What?" "I'm only saying this because I'm real drunk." "But I like you." "I like you, too." "Oh, Brian." "[Romantic music playing]" "[Ominous music playing]" "What the fuck?" "[Ominous music playing]" "[Party sounds, music playing]" "[Ominous music playing]" "[MUSIC DIEMONSTERDIE, "1,000 CORPSES"]" "[MUSIC HONKY, "LOVE TO SMOKE TO SMOKE YOUR WEED"]" "[Choking, gagging] Ah, I drank it." "CREW: [laughter]" "Cut, cut." "That's good." "[Laughs]" "Oh, shit." "CREW:" "Go run at them." "Go run at them." "Ahh!" "CREW:" "I'm going to kill a lot of people." "[Background conversation]" "[MUSIC LEFT LEG LIMPIN, "POT ZOMBIES"]" "[Scream]" "God, yeah." "God, that's fucking gross." "CREW:" "You can't scream when their getting it out." "You're already dead, OK?" "OK." "[giggle, scream]" "CREW:" "She's smoking a cigarette." "Quit it." "Oh, god, this sucks." "CREW:" "Fill her up." "Oh, shit." "[MUSIC LEFT LEG LIMPIN, "POT ZOMBIES"]" "But John looks when the kid wakes up." "Oh, you can stick as much gack up your beak as you like," "Brother." "No weed." "What, you got to put it in the lens, like you're." "[Laughter]" "I'm fine." "All right, last one for me." "I got to sing." "DWARF:" "Marty, seriously." "If you call that singing." "[Laughter]" "DWARF:" "I have to save my chords."