"I just don't think I can trust you." "You think I'll take one look at a demon" "And suddenly fall off the wagon," "As if, after everything, I haven't learned my lesson." "Well, have you?" " I know you don't trust me." " So, what are you saying?" "It's best we just go our separate ways." "Well, I think you're right." " You know who I am." " Lucifer." "You're the one, Sam." "you're my vessel." "That'll never happen." "You're the, Michael sword." " What do you mean, I'm the sword?" " You're, Michael's weapon." "I'm a vessel?" "you're the vessel." "If you want back in..." " I won't let you down." " Oh, I know it." "All right, buddy, what's so important" "You couldn't tell me over the phone?" "Trust me, Jim." "It's important." "Wait a minute." "You're not..." "You're not telling me that this is..." " Yep." " You've found it?" "!" "You've found it Oh... my... god." "Are you sure?" "Vin number's a match." "Ohh..." "How much you pay?" "A lot." "Come on. how much?" "A lot." "I'll bet." "Phew!" "Wow." "You start her up yet?" "Been waiting for you." "Yeah, waiting to rub my nose in it, right?" "Exactly." "Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait." "We need to record this for posterity's sake." "Great idea." "Yeah. great idea" "Ohh that... Cal?" "!" "Hey, you all right, man?" "I thought I heard something." "Cal?" "Something wrong." "Oh, my god." "Cal!" "So, what's with this job?" "Dude suffers a head-on collision in a parked car?" "I'd say that's worth checking out." "Yeah, definitely." "Uh, but we got bigger problems, don't you think?" "I'm sure the apocalypse will still be there when we get back." "Right, yeah, but, I mean," "If the colt is really out there somewhere..." "Yeah, we've been looking for three weeks." "We got bupkisss." "Okay." "But, Dean..." "I mean, if we're gonna ice the devil..." "This is what we're doing, okay?" "end of discussion." "It's just that this is our first real case back at it together." "You know, I think we ought to ease into it," "Put the training wheels back on." "So you think I need training wheels?" "No. "we." We need training wheels." "You and me, as a team." "Okay?" "Okay." "I mean, I really want this to be a fresh start, you know?" "for the both of us." "Okay." "Agents, Bonham and Copeland." "Rick Carnegie." "good to know you." " So you're here on account of, Cal Hopkins' death?" " That's right." "Well, afraid you came a long way for nothing." "We already booked the guy that did it." "I'm sorry." "Who do you think did it?" "Cal?" "something wrong." "Sicko taped his own handiwork." "I don't follow." "It was, Jim Grossman that killed, Cal." "Wait. what?" "Well, he was the only one on the scene for miles." "They were best friends." "Most violent crimes are committed by someone close to the victim." "And how exactly did, Jim slam, Cal into a windshield" "With all the force of an 80-mile-per-hour crash?" "Drugs, maybe?" "Look, you know this ain't brain surgery, boys." "Whatever it looks like, that's what it usually is." "It's simple." ""Simple." right." "Right." "Um, if you don't mind," "We'd like to speak to, Jim Grossman anyway." "I was in the house when it happened." "I didn't even see it." "And for argument's sake, say we believe you." "Why would you?" "the cops didn't." "We're not your typical cops." "Please, just tell us what you saw." "It's not what I saw." "it's what I heard." "Tires squealing, glass breaking." "It was the car that did it." "The car?" "I mean, I heard about the curse," "But I just thought it was a load of crap." "Curse?" "what do you mean, curse?" "The car, little bastard." "Lit..." "little bastard?" "As in the, little bastard?" "Wait, wait. what's little bastard?" "It's, James Dean's car." "it's the one he was killed in." "Yeah, that's the one." "Cal had been looking for it for years." "I mean hell, we both had." "But he found it first." "Oh, we are definitely checking this out." "So, what, this is like, "Christine"?" "No, "Christine" is fiction." "This..." "This is real." "Okay, enlighten me." "Well after, James Dean died his mechanic bought the wreckage, and he fixed it up." "and it repaid him by falling on him." "Then, Tony Mchenry was killed" "When it locked up on the racetrack." "I mean, death follows this car around like exhaust." "Nobody touches it and comes away in one piece." "Hmm..." "Then in 1970, it vanished off the back of a truck." "Nobody's ever seen it since." "I'm telling you, man, if this... if this car is little bastard," "I will bet you dollars to doughnuts" "It's what killed the guy." "So, how do we find out?" "Well, Cal matched the vin number," "But the only real way to know is the engine number." "I'm guessing the engine number..." "On the engine." "Yeah." "You want me to do it?" "No." "No, no..." "I've got it." "Okay, baby..." "I'm not gonna hurt you, so... don't hurt me." "Need a flashlight?" "No." "Don't do anything." "just go away." "You... uh, okay." "Don't speak, all right?" "In fact, don't even look at her." "she might not like it." "Find out who owned it." "Not just the last owner..." "You got to take it all the way back to 1955." "That's a lot of research." "Well, I guess I just made your afternoon." " So, you want to be an actress, huh?" " Yeah." "That is... that is so funny." "because I am actually..." "An agent for, William Morris endeavor." "Wow." "You mind filling me up again?" "Yeah." "Hey, you're a star, all right?" " Yo." " Hey, took me a while," "But I traced all the car's previous owners." "Any of them die bloody?" "Nope, in fact..." "Dean, are you in a bar?" "No, I'm..." "I'm in a restaurant..." "Here's your beer." "Thanks." "...that happens to have a bar." "I've been working my ass off here." "Hey, world's smallest violin, pal." "I spent the afternoon up, Christine's skirt." "I needed a drink." "Actually, you didn't." "Meaning?" "The car's first owner was a cardiologist" "In philadelphia... drove it till he died in 1972." "So you're saying..." "That porsche is not, nor has it ever been," "James dean's car." "It's a fake little bastard." "Well, then, what was it that killed the guy?" "Good question." "Okay, Mr. Hill." "I finish." "Thank you, Consuela." "have a good night." "Oh, my god." "It's you." "You're dead." "You're supposed to be dead." "No." "No." "No, no, no." "I want you to use a fine-tooth comb." "The evidence is here." "just got to find it." "Heard you got another weird one." "Well, it's a... it's a little strange on the surface, I admit," "But, you know, once you look at the facts..." "William Hill died from a gunshot wound to the head." "No gun, no gunpowder, no bullet." "Nope." "Nothin' strange about that." "Well, there's got to be a reasonable explanation there always is." "Well, what's your reasonable explanation?" "Professional killer." "Come again?" "CIA, NSA, one of them trained assassins..." "Like in "Michael Clayton."" "Right." "You're welcome to look around, but... but these guys don't leave fingerprints." "Mind if we talk with the witness?" "Oh, be my guest." "she's not making any sense." "And she's not making any sense in spanish, either." "Right." "no puedo vivir aquí." "necesito mi familia." "me voy ahora." "me voy a la casa." "no -- me voy a la casa en el salvador ahora." "Consuela Alvarez?" "Yes?" "FBI." "Now, you said you saw something" "In the professor's house." "Right?" "something in the window." "estaba sacando la basura." "imiré por la ventana y vi al hombre que mató al señor hill!" "uh, señora alvarez." "cálmese, por favor." "Uh... uh, díganos lo que vio." "Nice." "Freshman spanish." "era alto, muy alto." "y llevaba el abrigo negro largo y tenía bigotes." "Okay, uh..." "Tall man. very tall." "With a long black coat." "And, uh, a beard?" "beard." "y un sombrero." "Dude was wearing a sombrero?" "A-a hat. not a-a... no, no, no." "un sombrero alto." "A tall hat?" "oh, like a top hat?" "lun sombrero alto!" "muy alto." "What, you mean like a..." " like a stovepipe hat?" " sí." "Oh, yeah, you know, like, Abraham Lincoln." "Sí. el presidente Lincoln." "Abraham Lincoln killed Mr. Hill." "Huh." "S-so I go home now?" "Uh, sí. gracias." "Gracias." "Uh..." "Whoa." "What? Here's a freeze-frame from, Jim Grossman's video." "Am I crazy, or does that look like, James Dean?" "That looks like James Dean." "so, we got, Abraham Lincoln and James Dean?" "Famous ghosts?" "Maybe." "Well, that's just silly." "No, actually, uh, there's a ton of lore on famous ghosts." "More than the, you know, not-famous kinds." "I'm actually surprised we haven't run into one before." "Yeah, but now we got two of them?" "two extremely pissed-off ghosts?" "Who are apparently ganking their fans. what do you mean?" "Professor Hill was a civil war nut." "He dug, Lincoln." "and Cal must have been a, James Dean freak." "He spent 17 years of his life tracking down the guy's car." "So, you're saying that we've got" "Two super-famous, super-pissed-off ghosts killing their super fans?" "That's what it looks like." "well, that is muchos loco." ""Muy."" "Not "muchos."" "Yeah, well, the big question is," "What the hell are they doing here?" "Yeah, ghosts usually haunt the places they lived." "I mean, I get, Abraham Lincoln at the white house." "And James Dean at a racetrack, but..." "What the hell are they doing in, canton?" "You got to be kidding me." "What?" "You got to be kidding me." "Dude, he's short." "Hey." "Gandhi was a great man." "Yeah, for a smurf." "Oh, sorry to keep you waiting." "This is our busiest time of the year." "This is busy?" "W-well, n-not right now." "but it's early." "It's 4:30." "So, what can I do for you?" "well, we are writing a piece for travel magazine." "Yeah, on how totally non-sucky wax museums are." "That's fantastic!" "A little press..." "just what we need." "Great, well, we're interested in a few of your exhibits," "Specifically, Abraham Lincoln and James Dean two of our most popular displays." "Oh, yeah?" "so they bring in a lot of visitors?" "Yeah, we have our regulars." "I don't suppose" "That a..." "William Hill and Cal Hopkins" "Were regulars, were they?" "As a matter of fact, they were." "I heard what happened to them." "that's tragic, just tragic." "Well, that's not gonna be in the article, is it?" "No. no, no." "of course not." "You know, I got to tell you," "That... that lincoln is so life like." "I mean, you know, you can just imagine him moving around." "You ever see anything like that?" "Uh, no." "Well, is there anything you can think of" "That would make your museum... unusual?" "You know, for the article." "Well, I'll say. there isn't another place like us, not anywhere." "How so?" "well, for one, that's honest, Abe's real hat." "It is?" "Almost like his remains." "Ugh." "I guess." "You wouldn't happen to have" "Any of, James Dean's personal effects, would you?" "Yeah, got his key chain." "We got a bunch of stuff..." "Uh, Gandhi's bifocals, FDR's iron lung," "This." "And who did that belong to?" "The fonz." "seasons 2 through 4." "W-wow." "Yeah, that's..." "that's really cool... ish." "Oh, this?" "this is nothing." "I've been working on a new collection of figures," "Stuff that'll really wow the kids." " The kids?" "Yeah, gen "y."" "Computer games, cellphones, "sexting", they're just fads." "I'm gonna make wax museums hip again." "Yeah, Abraham Lincoln and James Dean." "Can you believe that?" "Why so kill-crazy?" "Ah, maybe the apocalypse has got them all hot and bothered." "Yeah, well, we all know whose fault that is." "Yeah, well I'm sorry but it's true." "I'll call you later." "Bye." "What's going on?" "Did you get the trunk packed up?" "Yeah, the trunk's packed." "who was on the phone?" " Bobby." " And?" "Nothing." "So, we're just gonna pretend I didn't hear what I just heard?" "Pretend or don't pretend, whatever floats your boat." "This was supposed to be a fresh start, Dean." "Well, this is about as fresh as it gets." "Now, we going or not? Check it out." "[ as lincoln ] Four score and seven years ago," "I had a funny hat." "Dean." "I can't have any fun with this?" "Let's just torch the objects, torch the ghosts, and get out of here, okay?" "I'll go grab "east of eden's" key chain." "Dean!" "Dean! Dean!" " Is that, Gandhi?" "!" " Yeah!" "Dude, he's squirrelly." "Get the..." "Get the what?" "!" "Glasses! You couldn't have been a fan of someone cool?" "Really?" "Gandhi?" "You ready to blow this joint?" "Dean, didn't it strike you as strange, the way, Gandhi just vanished?" "Strange how?" "No screaming, no big flameout." "I mean, that isn't the way ghosts usually go." "Still..." "I torched, he vanished." "Yeah, but I... also, I feel like he was..." "Trying to get a bite out of me." "A bite?" "Yeah, like he was hungry." "but the thing is, Gandhi..." "or the real, Gandhi..." "He was a..." "A what?" "Spit it out." "He was a fruitarian." "Let me get this straight." "Your ultimate hero" "Was not only a short man in diapers," "But he was also a fruitarian?" " That's not the point." " That is good." "That is... even for you, that is good." "Look, I'm just saying I'm not so sure this thing is over." "It was a ghost." "It was a weirdly supercharged fruitarian ghost but it was still a ghost." "now let's go." "So, first, you drag me into town, and now you're dragging me back out?" "You ain't steering this boat." "Let's go. chop-chop." "You know, this isn't gonna work." "What isn't?" "Us. you, me... together." "I thought it could, but it can't." "You're the one that wanted back in, chief." "And you're the one who called me back in." "I still think we got some trust-building to do." "How long am I gonna be on double-secret probation?" "Until I say so." "Look..." "I know what I did," "What I've done and I am trying to climb out of that hole." "I am, but you're not making it any easier." "So, what, am I supposed to just let you off the hook?" "No. you can think whatever you want." "I deserve it and worse." "Hell, you'll never punish me as much as I'm punishing myself but the point is," "If we're gonna be a team, you and I," "It has to be a two-way street." "So we just go back to the way we were before?" "No, because we were never that way before." ""before" didn't work." "How do you think we got here?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Dean, one of the reasons I went off with, Ruby... was to get away from you." "What?" "It made me feel strong," "Like I wasn't your kid brother." "are you saying this is my fault?" "No, it's my fault all I'm saying is that if we're gonna do this, we have to do it different, we can't just fall into the same rut." "What do you want me to do?" "You're gonna have to let me grow up, for starters." "Yeah?" "Yeah. yeah, okay." "I guess you were right about this not being over." "Sheriff Carnegie." "Sheriff, what happened?" "I, uh, um..." "I don't know." "Excuse us, girls." "Hi, we're with the, FBI." "Can you tell us what happened?" "It was horrible." "Way horrible." "What was horrible?" "I thought she'd be nice." "I still can't believe it." "Believe what?" "She took, Danielle!" "Who?" "It's okay. you're safe." "just tell us." "Who took your friend?" "It was..." "Paris Hilton." "Sorry?" "She looked really good, though." " Skinny." " Skinny and fast." "What..." "Wh... huh?" "Um, where did they go?" "We don't know." "They just vanished." "Would you excuse us for just a minute?" "Paris Hilton's not dead, as far as we know, right?" "Pretty sure, no." "Which means it's not a..." "Ghost, no." "So either, Paris Hilton's a homicidal maniac or..." "Or we missed something." "What do you want to do? Whew!" "that's ripe." "What the hell? I can't believe i missed it." "Missed what?" "Went back over the other two vics." "There was blood loss... major." "Yeah, well, being a gory smear will do that to you." "No, no, I mean more blood loss than a car crash or a head wound should cause." " Almost like..." " Something's feeding." " Yeah." " Awesome." "and then... there were these." "What are those, seeds?" "Yeah, they were in both vics' bellies." "I hope you washed your hands." "They're unlike any other seed I've ever seen before, dean." "Wow, just when I thought you couldn't get any geekier." "Yahtzee!" "What?" "The seeds aren't from around here." "In fact, they're not from any tree or plant in the country." "Where are they from?" "Eastern europe, from a forest in the balkans," "Which is not even there anymore it was chopped down like 30 years ago." "So?" "So, local legend has it that the forest was guarded" "By a pagan god whose name was, Leshi..." "A mischievous god, could take on infinite forms." "And let me guess..." "he liked to munch on his fans." "Huh... yep." ""could be appeased only with the blood from his worshippers."" "It would drain them" "Then stuff their stomachs with the seeds." "How's he doing it?" "What, he touches James Dean's key chain and then morphs into, James Dean?" "Hmm. that's good a guess as any." "Yeah, well, whatever." "how do we kill him?" "Says here to chop off his head with an iron axe." "All right." "Let's go gank ourselves a, Paris Hilton." "Hey." "She alive?" "Yeah, barely." "Awesome." "Ohh..." "I'm so glad you're awake for this." "This is gonna be huge." "Super." "I wouldn't want to miss it." "I mean, I've been stuffing myself with fast food lately." "So it's nice to do the ritual right," "Prepare a nice, slow meal for a change." "Just like the good old days, huh?" "You have no idea." "people adored me." "They used to throw themselves at me," "With smiles on their faces." "Yeah, I guess these days, nobody gives a flying crap about some backwoods forest god, huh?" "No, not since they cut down my forest" "To build a yugo plant." "March of progress, sister." "For years now, I've been wandering." "Hungry, scared." "Scrounging for scraps." "so not sexy." "But then..." "The best thing ever happened..." "Someone tripped the apocalypse." "And I thought, what the hell..." "I'm tired of watching what I eat." "I want to pig out." "So I found this little place." "It's awesome." "Adoring fans stroll right in the door." "Yeah, but they're not your fans." "So?" "They worship Lincoln, Gandhi, Hilton." "Whatever." "I'll take what I can get." "You know, I got to tell you," "You are not the first god we've met, but you are the nuttiest." "No. you, you people." "You're the crazy ones." "You used to worship gods." "But this?" "This is what passes for idolatry?" "Celebrities?" "What have they got besides small dogs and spray tans?" "You people used to have old-time religion." "now you have us weekly." "I don't know." "I'm more of a penthouse forum man, myself." "Maybe, but..." "There's still a lot of yummy meat on those bones, boy." "Well, I hate to break it to you, sister, but, uh..." "You can't eat me." "See, I'm not a, Paris Hilton, BFF." "I've never even seen "house of wax."" "No." "But I can totally read your mind, Dean." "I know who your hero is." "Your daddy." "Am I right? and this belonged to him." "Didn't it?" "Poor little, Dean." "All you ever wanted was to be loved by your idol." "One distant father figure, coming right up! Not a word." "Dude." "You just got whaled on by, Paris Hilton." "Shut up." "All right. thank you." "Sheriff Carnegie." "Danielle's gonna be all right." "She's sworn off "the simple life,"" "but other than that..." "Glad she's okay." "It gets better..." "Sheriff's putting out an, APB on, Paris Hilton." "That ought to be good." "Hey, listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday... about me keeping too tight of a leash on you." "Well, maybe you're right." "I mean, look, I'm not exactly Mr, innocent" "In this whole mess, either." "you know, I did break the first seal." " You didn't know." " yeah, well, neither did you." "I'm not saying demon blood was a great way to go," "But you did kill, Lilith, and start the apocalypse." "which neither of us saw coming." "I mean, who would've thought killing Lilith would've been a bad thing?" "Point is, I was so worried about watching your every move that I didn't see what it was actually doing to you." "So, for that, I'm sorry." "Thanks." "So, where do we go from here?" "The way I see it, we got one shot at surviving this." "What's that?" "Maybe I am on deck for the devil." "Maybe the same with you and Michael." "Maybe there's no changing that." "Well, that's encouraging." "but we can stop wringing our hands over it we got to just grab on to whatever's in front of us, kick its ass, and go down fighting." "I can get on board with that." "Okay." "But we're gonna have to do it on the same level." "You got it." "What do you say we get the hell out of here?" "Hell yeah." "Hey." "You want to drive?" "You sure?" "Yeah, I could, uh..." "I could use a nap. [ "superstitious" plays ]" "Edited by Scooby, thanks to Honybunny."