"Previously on Joey." "You and Sara are all happy." "You're going to move in together." "Sara's gone." "What?" "For the next three hours, you can vote for which one of us gets killed off at the beginning of next season." "Wait, what?" "!" "I have sat around long enough hearing about how you paw and threaten my boy." "It ends now." "No one talks to me like that." "Would you like a job?" "What did you do that for?" "I don't know." "Oh, good morning." "Who do you belong to?" ""Joey, I needed to leave." "We'll talk about last night later" " Alex."" "Alex?" "No." "No." "Oh!" "Stupid, stupid, stupid." "I'm still here!" "Hey, neighbor!" " Okay, look, Alex." " Ah, still naked!" "Okay, Alex, don't go." "Don't go, okay?" "Look, it's fine." "No, it's not fine." "I don't do this." "I don't wake up in some guy's bed and put my clothes on from the night before and sneak home." "I see the girls who sneak out of here in the mornings, and they're really yucky." "That's just Wednesday mornings." "Tuesday nights are tough." "Oh!" "Wait, wait, okay, look." "Don't go." "Don't go." "Look, you're uncomfortable." "I'm uncomfortable." "But we have to power through this, okay?" "Let's lay it all out on the table, all right?" "I'll start." "What's up?" "This is not helping!" "You are making it worse." "Well, you're not looking away." "Joey, it's me!" "Hide me..." "What are you doing?" "I'm freezing." "That cheapskate, Alex, turned the heat off." "Oh!" "Joey!" "Alex?" "!" "Have you no self-control?" "You couldn't resist the sexual dynamo that is Alex?" "I'm still here." "Alex, you dirty birdie." "All right, look, don't listen to her." "Hey, Joey, who did you have up here last night?" "It sounded like a bobcat attacking a seal." "Hey, Alex, what are you doing up here?" "I'm the seal!" "Man, I'm such an idiot." "Things are gonna be so weird now between me and Alex." "Yeah, they are." "How did it even happen?" "I don't know." "I was upset about Sara." "Alex was in a vulnerable place." "And I don't know about her, but I was trying to work off a big meal." "I can't believe this." "Oh, I've got to call Bobbie and see if my character got voted off the show." "Wait, wait, wait." "Before you call Bobbie, I went to see her last night." "Bobbie Morganstern's line." "Uh, hi, this is Joey Tribbiani." "Is Bobbie there?" "I'm sorry, no." "All her calls have been forwarded to this line." "This might take a minute." "She got a new assistant." "Sounds awful." "It's me." "Gina." "Oh, that's funny." "My sister's name is Gina." "Gina..." "Gina." "All right, Gina, I know you're trying to hide it from me, but I think you're working for Bobbie." "I was trying to tell you." "When I went to her office to tell her to leave Michael alone, she offered me a job." "What?" "How does you talking about Michael lead to you working for Bobbie?" "How does you talking about Sara lead to you having sex with Alex?" "I explained that!" "I just had a steak this big!" "Anyway, you've never had a job like this before." "Well, that's why this is so huge for me." "It's my first chance to work at a respectable place with a desk and a chair, and a bathroom with a lock on it, that has toilets with seats." "Where did you work?" "!" "Oh, I just, uh..." "Alex, what are you doing?" "Hey, come on." "Don't run away from me." "Look, you're one of my closest friends." "We have to get past all this." "Joey, I don't think you understand." "This is hard for me." "When I'm around you now, I just feel so..." " Horny, I know." " No!" "God." "I feel stupid and cheap." "I just..." "Normally, there would be months or weeks of dating and wooing before that would happen, but we had nothing-- not even one romantic night." "Well, I can fix that." "I'll give you all that romantic stuff now." "I'll woo you after the fact." "Huh." "So, then we would do it backwards." "No, Alex, we won't have sex at all this time." "Backwards, time-wise." "Right." "I don't know if that would work, but I guess it's worth a shot." "Great,t, so come by tomorrow night, say, 7:00?" " Okay." " Okay, great." "Oh, wait, what's tomorrow night?" " It's Tuesday." "You're fine." " Okay." "Oh, Gina, you're here." "Great." "Let's get started." "This is your desk, and this is your phone, and this is your sexual harassment seminar." "I'll be in my office." "Wait, wait, wait, I actually have a couple questions." " Hi, Bobbie." " This is my other assistant, Jason." "If you have any questions, just ask him." "So... what do I need to know?" "You'll figure it all out." "Nobody helped me out when I got here, and the harder it is for you, the better I look." "No, no, you've got to help me." "See, I really want to do well here." "I'm a single mom, and this job means so much to me." "Oh, it's like Erin Brockovich!" "Hey, look at you." "First day at the big job." "How's it going?" "I'm gonna kill that Jason guy." "You've been here half an hour." "Look, Gina, if you're serious about making this work, you have got to be a professional." "Who are you to give advice about working in an office?" "Oh, I don't know." "I only played the CEO of a major lingerie corporation in the Showtime original movie Velvet Heat." "Hey, Bobbie." "Oh, hey, Joey." "Have a seat, doll." "The results of the poll are in." "Oh, God, they voted me off the show." "Of course they did." "I suck." "You're still on the show." "I'm awesome!" "I mean what are they gonna do, not vote for me?" "Huh?" "I mean, this is America, not Crazy Land!" "Huh?" "Huh?" "You love me?" "Right back at you, America." "Whoo-hoo!" "It turns out, you were the most popular guy on the show." "So I say we go in there and ask for a raise." "Ask?" "Bah, we tell, huh?" "What else do you want?" " A better dressing room!" " Great." " And a car!" " What else?" "And a big, crystal, red..." "You know what?" "We'll just ask for the money." "Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" "You are gonna get what you deserve!" "All right, everybody, let's set up for Joey's death scene!" "Call me crazy, Bobbie, but I'm starting to get nervous." "Oh, my God." "What have I done?" "Hey, man, you ain't got nothing to worry about." "You're way better than this show." "Yeah?" "Trust me, Joey." "Do I know you?" "No, man, I'm just here today for the head gig." "I beat out ten other guys for this part." "I'm the only one who could fit through the neck hole." "Hey, get me a line." "What?" "What are you gonna say?" "Your head's cut off." "I don't know." ""I can't feel my legs!" or something." "Come on, Joey." "You got a lot of pull around here." "Oh, do I?" "You see this?" "Does this look like a hat that says "big star"?" "Guys, quiet!" "All right, let's take this from the top." "And action." "Well, it looks like I've got one more chair lift ride left... to Heaven." "I can't feel my legs!" "Cut!" "Ask them if they're gonna use that." "Bobbie?" "Thank God you're here." "I'm freaking out about losing this job." " You gotta talk me down." " Oh, I've ruined your life!" "No, don't say that." "You've committed career suicide and it's all my fault." "Why did I demand that onsite Scientology tent?" " Well, what's my next move?" " There is no next move." " No next move?" " No." "You're greedy and you're high-maintenance." "You're a problem now." "God!" "Oh, I feel so empty and confused." "Do you think I'm pretty?" "I don't know!" "Look, you gotta get me back out there, okay?" "You gotta get me another gig, all right?" "America loves me." "Mm... remember?" "Oh, I know." "There's nothing I can do." "I tried calling in all the favors I could with every single men that I slept with in town... except one." "But you know what?" "He owes me." "Hi, Gina, I need you to connect me with someone." "Uh-oh, it's ringing, and I didn't tell her who I was calling." "This will be interesting." "Hey, hey." "Saying good-bye to your dressing room, huh?" "I just said good-bye to that little taped-off area that they made me stay in." "Listen, head guy." "Now's not a good time, okay?" "Look, Joey!" "I did it." "I got you an audition for the new Kevin Smith film." "Wow, Clerks is like the best independent movie of all time." "Oh, that and ConAir." "Yeah, well, if this doesn't work, you're screwed." "You're gonna read for the producers tomorrow." "All right?" "Nail the audition." "You need to get this part." "Okay, I get it, Bobbie." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Excuse me, Bobbie Morganstern." "I'm currently looking for representation." "Oh, that's fantastic." "Tell me all about yourself." "I'm dying to get a new client." "Hey man, you don't want to waste your time reading for some producers." "I can get you a meeting with Kevin Smith." "Look, I know I'm not a big-time celebrity like you, but I've been at this a long time." "I've made a lot of connections." "So, if you want, I can hook up a meeting." "You know what, I think I'm just gonna audition, but thanks, man." " Oh, all right, cool, cool." " Yeah, thanks." "I tell you what, uh, why don't you give me a call if you change your mind." ""Zach."" "That's it?" "Just Zach?" "Yeah, I'm between last names." "Used to be Miller, but there's an actor, Zach Miller who's done a lot of crap, so I'm trying to distance myself." "It's gonna be tough 'cause it was me." "Hi." "My name is Jenna." "I just moved into the building the other day." "I've been dying to meet you." "Oh." "Why?" "Well, I heard there's a big actor named Joey who lives in that apartment; that's you, isn't it?" "Well, actually..." "I just moved here from Kansas to pursue the dream." "I don't know anyone or anything, and" "I know people must ask you for help all the time, but..." "I'm Joey Tribbiani." "Gina, I want you to take a memo to my other agents; are you ready?" " Uh-huh." " Okay." "Dear Staffers, it has come to my attention that while providing dedicated service to our current clients, we have been negligent in the quest for new talent, which is crucial to our company's continued vitality." "All right, that's it." "Read it back to me." "Uh-huh, uh, "Dear Staffers"?" ""It has come to my attention that I have something to say." "Love, Bobbie." "The end."" "That's perfect." "Send it off." "Delivery from Bobbie Morganstern's office." "Oh, yeah." "Here it is." "This is the script that's gonna save my career." "And I have you to thank for it." "You remember that when you take your girl to see..." ""Private Property of Universal Studios," huh?" "Thanks." "Oh, yeah." "Oh!" "Got to do my warm-up." "Acting exercises." "Acting exercises." "This is an acting exercise." "Yeah, suck on that, Juilliard." " Hey." " Hey, you ready for our date?" " Oh." " Oh, no, you forgot." "It's okay." "No, no, no, no." "Alex, this is really important." "Actually, I got it all planned out, so, uh... just give me a few minutes and then meet me upstairs, okay?" "Okay." "All right, I'll just be down here doing my... acting exercises!" "So this is our big date?" "We're not going out?" "Why would we?" "We have everything we need right here." "Music, atmosphere, a lovely view." "Okay." "Oh." "I love champagne." "Technically, in order for it to be called champagne, it has to come from the Champagne region of France." "This is beer." "Huh." "You, uh, you look beautiful tonight." "Thank you." "Let's get naked." "Bam!" "We're done." "All right." "What?" "That's it?" "Hey, this was a bad idea." "What, what, where you going?" "I can't believe you." "You think that's all it's gonna take to get me into bed?" "Don't answer that!" "Wait, wait, Alex, wait!" "Okay, look." "This wooing after the fact is a little new for me, but I'll figure it out." "Can we try again tomorrow, please?" "Okay, but you've really got to step it up." "Beer. "You look beautiful." "Let's get naked." What's the problem?" ""We've got to get rid of this body!"" "Ah!" "It's too stiff." "I got to make it my own." "This body-- we've got to get up and go get it gotten rid of." "There it is." "That's how people talk." "Oh, hey, Michael, how was school at Cal Tech today?" " You got to Cal Tech." " I got in?" " Hi, I'm Jenna." " Hi." "Jenna, this is my uncle, Michael." "Michael is a student." "Would you excuse us for one second?" "I have to talk to my uncle." "Sure." "Come on." "Go." "Over here." "What the hell's going on?" "Okay, this girl's an actress and she's into me, she's really into me, because she thinks I'm you." "Which means, you've got to be me." "Or I could be me, and then everybody wins." "Joey!" "Please, just, just help me out here." "All right, fine, but make this quick." "Sit down." "Uh, Joey, you know how you have that love scene you been working on?" "Well, since Jenna's an actress, maybe the two of you should go over to her apartment and run the lines." "What a great opportunity!" "I'll go over and change into something sexy." "Why don't you come over in, say, five minutes, Joey?" "Uh, okay." "Wow." "Yeah, I'm pretty good at getting Joey laid." "Wait." "I don't know what to do with this girl." "I know I break the ice with some magic tricks, but then after that, I mean, do I, what do I do?" "Do I kiss her?" "Did you just say magic tricks?" "We're Joey!" "We don't do magic!" "All right, I can't talk to you about this." "I'm just, I'm feeling a lot of pressure, and... you wouldn't understand." "I don't understand pressure?" "I got a huge audition tomorrow, that I need to get so badly, Michael, that I can't even make the simplest decision." "Like I can't even decide whether I should sit or stand." "I mean, if I sit, then they can focus on what I'm doing with my eyes, you know?" "But if I stand, well, then, it frees me up to explore the space" "with my body, you know what I mean?" " You should sit." " Yeah, you're right." "But you know what I'm talking about." "You feel the pressure, and then you just start overthinking things." "Yeah." "Yeah, and then the voice in your head chimes in, and it's like," ""What are you thinking?" "You can't do this." "You're gonna fail,"" "and then self-doubt just takes over and it starts gnawing at you, and it just reduces you to a blithering idiot." "No, I don't get that." "Oh, no?" "Acting comes from the gut." "You know, if I had a little voice in my head, I'd be done." "I'd have to go get up and go get gotten out of this business." "What's that?" "It's called good writing, jackass." "Joey Tribbiani?" " Yeah, right here." " Come in." "Hey, everybody." "Thanks so much for having me in." "I'm really excited about this." "Who are you kidding?" "You can't get this part." "You're gonna fail." "Excuse me?" "We didn't say anything." "Oh, that's what I was afraid of!" "It's the little voice!" "Michael's having my sex, and I have his brain!" "Okay, let's begin." "Oh, man, what went on in there?" "You have got to chill out, man." "This body, we've got to get up and go get it gotten rid of." "Nobody talks like that, you moron!" "I'm totally wrong for this." "Those actors outside have beards." "Oh, right, grow a beard!" "What is going on?" "I don't even know what I'm saying." "Where am I in the scene?" "No!" "Forget about Atlantic City." "We need to get to the boat and find those diamonds!" "That's not a line in the script!" "Stop making stuff up!" "If we don't find a way to lose these guys, we're both dead." "Okay, I'm in trouble." "I got to finish strong with a bold choice they'll remember." "What are my options?" "Yell?" "Fake crying?" "Oh, I got it." "I'll slit your throat with this bottle, bitch!" "Next!" "Told you you were gonna blow it." "Oh, shut up!" " Hey." " Hey." "What, what's up?" "I just totally screwed up my audition." "You know how you talked about hearing a voice that makes you doubt yourself?" " That happened to me." " Oh, no." "Oh, man, that's terrible." "I know!" "I totally lost it." "I'm never gonna get this." "Stupid movie!" "Stupid script!" "Hey, nice toss, buddy." "Got me right in the eye." "See you later." "Oh, oh, so I've got to tell you." "Last night with Jenna was amazing." "I totally lived up to the Joey name." "So you're telling me you're not a virgin anymore?" "Not above the belt, I'm not." "I don't know what that means." "So look, I have another shot with her tonight." "But here's the thing." "Her cousin Marcy's in town." "So I thought the four of us could..." "No, no, no, no, no." "I'm not going on some double date." "I've got too much stuff going on." "Just leave me out." "No, but Joey, come on!" "It's no big deal." "I need you to be my sex partner." "Your what?" "The guy who goes with you to the bar, helps you get sex." "It's called a wingman." " Really?" " Yeah." "I don't know." "That sounds kind of gay." " Hey." " Hey." "Okay, so Bobbie finally found something I can do at work." "I am going to be her hatchet man." "She noticed how I enjoy confrontation, so I'm going to deliver all her bad news." "You do love giving bad news." "I know!" "Remember when Grandpa died and I got to tell Grandma?" "Yeah, good times." "I'm kind of having a problem 'cause actors are so sensitive." "How do you like to get bad news?" "Oh..." "All right, it's easy." "Look, you've just got to, uh, just butter them up first, you know?" "Say things like, um..." ""They thought you were absolutely fabulous." ""They are huge fans of yours, but they're going in a different direction."" "Okay." "I could do that." "Yeah, okay, now, I need you to help me." "I need you to make sure Bobbie gets me another audition for that Kevin Smith movie." "Uh, actually, I just got off the phone with Bobbie about that." "They, um... thought you were absolutely fabulous." "They did?" " They're huge fans." " They are?" "But they're going in a different direction." "Hey!" "Don't give me my own speech." "What else did Bobbie say?" "I need a job." "I'm sorry, Joey." "You know, you're really cold right now." "Unless you can make something happen for yourself," "I don't know what to tell you." "Hey, Zach." "Hey, it's Joey." "Oh, you're working?" "Okay, I'll be quick." "Listen, I do need you to set me up with Kevin Smith." "No problem." "I'll set it up for tonight." "All right." "Oh, when the dude that plays Dr. House takes a call, it's fine." "But I get the stink-eye!" " Hello." " Hello." "So, you ready for take two of our big romantic night?" "You know it." "I don't mean to be forward, but if this goes well, maybe we'll have sex two days ago." "Oh, okay." "What?" "I don't know." "Chocolate and roses?" "It's a little generic." "I mean, what's next?" "A stupid stuffed bear?" "No." "An orange?" "Hey, have you ever had scurvy?" "It sucks." "Oh, there he is." "Let's get this double date started." "Marcy, this is Michael." " What?" " He's so cute." "And he bought you flowers." " Oh." " Oh!" "I made you a necklace." "Thank you." "No, no, no, no." "Just one second." "Hey, come on, I am this close with Jenna." "She just doesn't want to leave her cousin alone." "You're my uncle!" "I shouldn't have to work this hard for you to be my sex partner." "Wingman!" "Whatever." "Fine." "But I got to go meet this director." "Let's make this quick." "All right." "Hi, I'm Michael." "Hi, you're my first date since I got out of the Army." "Airborne, hoo-aah!" "She's great." "All right, look." "I've thought about this, and I cannot accept being a one-night stand, so if you're going to romance me, then you're going to need to understand what I'm about." "So here's the complete works of Edith Wharton, the love songs of Billie Holiday, and an episode of Judging Amy that really spoke to me." "That's a lot of homework for a test I nailed two days ago." "Wait a second." "Are you already on another date?" "Not only that, he thinks I'm great." "Wow, you are unbelievable." "You've got a lot of work to do, my friend." "Alex." "Uh-oh." "That candy had nuts in it." "If you want to make out before my head gets this big, we better do it now." "Hey, thanks so much for setting up this meeting." "No problem, man." "Oh, makeup?" "Oh, you got a special lady in your life?" "No, that's mine." "Come on, man." "This is Hollywood." "You've got to look your best." "I think we're both man enough to admit we're wearing a little foundation right now." "No?" "You've got great skin." "Oh!" "Oh, hey, puppy." "I'm sorry about that." "Is she bugging you?" "No, no, no." "I love dogs." "Aww, look at you." "You're a little princess." "Yes, you are." "A little princess." "Yes, you are." "You're the princess." "Yes, you are." "Oh!" "You got something to say, Makeup?" "No." "Here we go." "Here we go, baby." "We're almost there." "I cannot believe you're hooking me up with Kevin Smith." "Man, I've got a good feeling about this." "He's gonna love you." "Wow, I'm just so excited to meet him." " Me, too." " Wh-What?" "What?" "You don't know him?" "No, but he's good friends with Ben Affleck, and I love Ben Affleck." "What?" "He's not going to talk to us." "Of course he's gonna talk to us!" "We're bringing him back his dog." " We don't have his dog." " I think we have his dog." "Oh, no." "Okay, you know what?" "That's it, I'm out." "Take me home." "Why?" "You stole Kevin Smith's dog?" "!" "This is crazy." "Hold on, man." "I'll tell you what's really crazy." "Thinking you're gonna make it to the top just by going on auditions and waiting on the phone to ring." "Come on, man, do you know how many actors are in this town?" "I don't know." "Like 500 million?" "What?" "No, less, but still a lot." "I'm talking, the point is, the ones who are gonna succeed are the ones who make their own opportunities." "I mean, yesterday I played a severed head with one line." "You did not have a line." "What, you don't think they're gonna use it?" "I mean..." "Anyway, I took a chance." "I talked to you, and now look." "I'm riding in a car with Joey Tribbiani." "That's a win for me." "Now look, up there is Kevin Smith's house." "And that could be a win for you." "I already took the dog." "Somebody's got to take it back." "I mean, why shouldn't it be you?" "Yeah, you know what?" "You're right." "All right, I'm going to do it." "Okay, hold on, dude." "Hey." "You got great skin, but your eyes need work." "So, Jessica Alba sure is hot, huh?" " We don't need to do that." " Yeah, we do." "All right, here we go." "This is gonna be the classic Hollywood story." "He's gonna love you, and great things are gonna happen." "All right, let's do this." "Okay, let's do it, baby." "Man, why'd you let him go?" "Damn it, we've got to get the dog back." "Aw, of all the days not to have meat on me." "What the hell's going on here?" "My friend Joey here just returned your dog." "You see, he was trying to pet it one last time." "When you risk your life to save an animal, there's a real special bond." "So he risked his life, did he?" " Yep." " Where'd you find him?" "In a knife factory." "Wow." "That is just the least convincing performance I've ever seen, and I've directed Ben Affleck." "Look, I think I know what's going on here." "You steal the director's dog, return it to his home, hoping that he'll give you an audition in his new movie." "Am I right?" "That's cool." "Let's just cut to the chase." "What part are you interested in?" "I prepared the role of Frankie." "Frankie, huh?" "Yeah, I kind of see you as a Frankie." "But can you act?" "Let's find out." "Come on in." "Uh, listen, Mr. Smith, I can't thank you enough for this." "You know what?" "It's totally cool." "Don't thank me." "I enjoy discovering new talent." "So let's get rolling, shall we?" "I want you two to take your shirts off, start making out with each other." "What?" "I'm just kidding." "Okay, go ahead." "This is actually working." "And thank God there's no little voice in my head messing me up." "Oh, no, not again!" "No!" "You want to sit or stand for this?" "Come on, just pick one!" "I will stand." "He handled that well." "No, he didn't." "He's gonna fail." "Oh, no, there's two voices now?" "!" "Also, there's me!" "There's a French one?" "!" "Nah, I'm the first one." "I was just doing a voice." "Just clear your head." "You know what?" "You don't look so good, man." "Want me to get you a drink or something?" "Uh, yeah, actually, that would be great." "What do you want?" "We got water, lemonade, I got Perrier." "Take the water!" "What are you talking about?" "Take the lemonade!" "No, no, no!" "Take the Perrier!" "Stop it!" "Just stop it!" "I'm sorry." "I gotta go." "I got to go." "I'll take a Diet Slice." "I can't believe this." "I just screwed up the opportunity of a lifetime." "I've been up for big parts before." "Why am I hearing these voices now?" "Come on, man, stop beating yourself up." "So Kevin Smith is out." "We just go to Plan B. Check this out." "I happen to know where Jeff Bridges gets his dry cleaning done." "Oh, you're here." "Hey." "I spoke with Kevin Smith." "He thinks you're absolutely fabulous." "He's a huge fan." "Okay, look, Gina, don't sugarcoat it, all right?" "I can take it." "I'm a man." "Oh, okay. 'Cause your mascara kind of threw me." "It's called man-lash!" "Who's that?" " That's this guy that I..." " Hey, Joey, Joey." "I'm so close to closing the deal with Jenna." "So tomorrow morning, the four of us are driving to Lake Havasu." "Okay?" "Jenna, Marcy, Joey and Michael." "No, no, no." "I'm not going anywhere with Marcy." "She gives me the creeps." "That necklace she gave me was made of human hair." " No, I'm not going." " Hey, Joey?" "Hi, Gina." "Um, listen, I have an early court date tomorrow." "So if you have anything special planned tonight..." "Oh, Alex, I haven't had time to look in the box of stuff yet." "I'm sorry." "You're not taking this very seriously, Joey." "What are you talking about?" "I'm killing myself here." "Yeah, well, you're going to have to work a little harder, 'cause it takes a lot to get me into bed." "Does it?" "Does it?" "'Cause, as I recall, all it took was a couple shots of tequila and me saying you look like a young Meg Ryan." "Did you not really mean that?" "What kind of a monster are you?" "Damn, these snow peas look good." "Y'all got a wok?" "No, I don't have a wok!" "Okay?" "I can't deal with any of this right now!" "My career is falling apart." "I'll be lucky if I get that Spanish soap opera." "Oh, about that." "They thought you were muy fabuloso, but..." "No, no, no more bad news from you!" "Okay?" "I can't take it anymore." "Alex, we had sex." "I'm sorry." "Deal with it." "Okay?" "Michael, you're never gonna have sex." "You're sorry." "Deal with it." "Okay?" "You people fill my head with so many of your problems that I can't think straight..." "Oh, my God." "That's why I hear the voices." "It's you guys!" "You're driving me crazy!" "That's it." "I'm out." "That's it." "I'm done." "I'm going in my room." "I don't want to talk to anybody." "Michael, you can slide my afternoon sandwich under the door." "Out!" "Ichiban." "Ichiban." "Lipstick for men." "Hey." "I used to be so good." "Because of my performance, this lipstick was a huge hit in Japan." "Until they found out it was poison." "Hey, you're still good." "No, Gina." "You didn't see me in those auditions." "I've lost it." "I can't do my job anymore." "And you were right: it's because of us." "We do ask too much of you." "Oh, no, I don't really want to stop helping you guys." "You're my family." "Knowing that I'm needed by people who love me, that gives my life meaning." "Wow." "That was really gay." "Look, I know you want to take care of us, and that's great, but you've got to take care of yourself, too." "So figure out a way to put up with our crap, and get yourself another job." "I've tried." "I can't." "Oh, please." "Remember when we were kids and we saw Superman?" "And afterwards you thought that if you concentrated hard enough you could actually jump off that roof and fly?" "I remember the paramedics laughing when they were cutting Mom's tights off me, too." "Well, I got to tell you, when you jumped off that roof," "I thought it might actually work." "Because I believe you can fly, Joey." "To me you'll always be that kid that can do anything." "Yeah, I could still be that kid." "And what would that kid do to get a job?" "He'd march right down to the studio and demand to audition again, whether they wanted him to or not." " Yeah, he would!" " Yeah, okay." "Yeah!" "I'm gonna do it." "Okay." "All right." "Thanks, Gina, you're the bes..." "The kid is back, huh?" "All right, hear me out." "I know I blew it before with Kevin Smith, but I think I'm right for his movie and I want to audition again." "And there's nothing, nothing you can say to stop me." "Kevin Smith?" "This isn't a Kevin Smith..." "I will stand." "Thank you." "I will stand." "Read me in." ""But, Mom, you promised you'd come to my soccer game."" "You have got to chill out, man." "We've got to get rid of this body." "We've got to drive to the swamp and feed it to the gators." ""I'm ten." "I'm not a little kid anymore."" "That was a bad batch of crystal meth, homes." "I'm freaking out here, Hector." ""You're the best mom ever."" "Not if those Puerto Ricans find us first." "I'm sorry." "I'm totally lost here." "No, it isn't." "It's your turn to die." "I'll just keep doing this until you find your place." "So how long was it before you realized you were reading for the wrong movie?" "Oh, I knew something was up when the kid scored the winning goal after I already killed him for screwing my wife." "But I got to tell you, they must have seen something they liked." "Because then they had me audition for real." "I'm telling you, man." "I really think you're going to get this part." "No, it's the lead in a huge summer blockbuster." "It's a Jerry Bruckheimer movie." "I'm not gonna get it." "Hey, you are here." " Hey." " Hey." "So what's going on?" "I was just telling Zach about this audition." "Yeah, about that." "They actually called." "They thought you were fabulous." "I knew it." "And I bet they're huge fans." "They really are." "But they're gonna go in a different direction, right?" "Okay, come on, just tell me." "Who'd they cast?" "They're going with Joey Tribbiani." "Oh!" "I hate that guy!" "Man, when you stop thinking, you really stop thinking." "Nah, come on." "You're messing with me." "News this big Bobbie would have told me herself." "Hey!" "Whoa!" "Hey!" "Did you tell him yet?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "There was a long line here so I stopped by the bar next door." "Are you, are you serious?" "Yes." "Did I really get this movie?" "You sure did!" "Congratulations, sweetheart." "I told you you could do it." "I'm so proud of you, Joey." "My sex partner's going to be a star." "Yeah, he is!" "I'm going to be a movie star, everybody!" "Drinks on me." "That's a back room?" "I thought it was a mirror." "Let's all share a bottle of wine." "Joey, oh, my God." "Congratulations on your movie!" "That's so amazing." "Thank you very much." "Hey, listen, I'm sorry I was being so pushy." "No, no, no." "I'm sorry." "Let's just forget the whole thing." "Okay." "Well, I got your message." "So where we all going to celebrate?" "Actually that's not why I was calling you." "I still owe you one romantic evening." "No, no." "Tonight is your big night." "And this is how I want to spend it." "Just you, me, and Mr. Billy Holiday." "Billie Holiday is a woman." "That's why the guy on the CD was wearing a dress." "Anyway, should we head upstairs?" "To your room again?" "No, no, no, no, no, no." "Come on." "Follow me." "Welcome to my roof deck." "Oh, my God." "Joey!" "Here you go." "And no stupid red roses, either." "Starlight lilacs?" "Those are my favorite." " How did you even...?" " Ah, you mentioned it once." "I don't need a bunch of books or CDs to tell me who you are." "I know you, Alex." "Okay, Tribbiani." "What else have you got?" "Well, champagne, and..." "Ding Dongs, my lady." "Ding Dongs?" "I don't even really like..." "I hide them in my glove compartment to eat them on the way home from the gym." "And then you park and suck on the wrappers, and the windows get all fogged up." "It's a little upsetting." "So, do you bring girls up here all the time?" "Actually, no." "But you're worth the extra effort." "Because you were right." "You're not like those other girls." "'Cause none of them could ever be as smart and funny and sweet as you are." "Oh." "But you know, there is one way you are like those other girls." "No, no, no." "No, it's a... it's a good one." "I know you don't think of yourself as spontaneous or passionate, but... you're wrong." "You are." " Really?" " Really." "And if the other night was a mistake, then... well, I wish I made mistakes like that more often." "Yeah." "Me, too." "At least once more." "Yeah." "Look, this may be crazy, and I know you have an early morning..." "No, I can be late." "So, should we...?" "Yeah." "Let's go downstairs." "And we're done!" "Thank you, Alex." "Finally!" "Oh, boy." "Oh, I didn't think you were gonna let me off the hook there." "Then you started playing along at the end." "You were all, "I can be late." That was awesome." "Oh, yeah, that was awesome!" "I was all, "I can be late." I was playing along!" "Yeah, yeah." "Boy, you really got into it in the end." "I didn't know you had it in you." "Oh, yeah." "The end was my favorite." "I was all, "Let's go downstairs." I had fun." "You know, if I ever get sick of being a lawyer, maybe I should be an actress!" "Oh, I'll tell you, what a relief." "I am so glad we can finally put all of this behind us, and just get back to normal." "Of course, "normal" could mean that we hook up every once in a while." "Joey is Hollywood's hottest new action star." "And in the coming weeks, no one's safe." "Hey!" "You're the make-up lady."