"A breakout at a maximum security... correctional facility in Illinois... is this hour's top news story." "Convicted serial killer Harold Trattner... is believed to be amongst a group... of 3 death row inmates... who overpowered guards whilst on transit... from a holding cell in Angola this morning." "Sheriff John Loomis has issued a warning... to area residents... advising them not to approach the prisoners... under any circumstance." "Harold Trattner received the death penalty 3 years ago... for the massacre of 6 teenagers... during a summer camp vacation in Vermont." "Deputies in Houston issued an apology today... to the British holidaymaker they arrested last week... in Miami." "70-year-old Derek Lambros..." "Police in Grand Rapids, Michigan... have been unable to identify the bodies of young man... and woman discovered by children in a Halloween costume store... with their features carved away and the man's genitals removed." "Police first identified the victims as 2 women." "Sheriff John Schrader refused to give details... of the ghoulish case... and said only that he did have strong evidence... linking the crime... to this morning's prison breakout... in neighboring Illinois." "Hello?" "Michael, are you ok?" "You shouldn't be watching that by yourself." "I told you it was scary." "Well, you just have to wait till Mom comes home, ok?" "Keep the lights on." "Ok, bye." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Kelly?" "Cut it out, Kell." "This isn't funny." "Hello." "I realize this isn't what you were expecting." "Let me explain." "The film you hired from the video store..." "I recorded over it." "But don't go switching off." "You didn't actually miss very much." "The characterization was 2-dimensional... and, well, the dialogue was, frankly, embarrassing." "I think you will find this much more interesting." "You're interested now, aren't you?" "Go on, admit it." "Well, you hired a horror movie, didn't you?" "So, you wanted to see something scary, right?" "Don't worry." "I'll explain." "You'll understand everything, I promise." "This is where I did my first." "It's actually quite a strange story... how it happened." "It was, what, about 5 years ago now." "I was walking across Hammersmith Bridge... when this guy in front of me suddenly jumped off." "Well, I jumped in after him and pulled him out." "Yeah." "Anyway, we sort of became friends after that." "But it wasn't a particularly healthy kind of friendship." "See, he'd had a pretty unhappy life." "I'm not gonna go into the details." "And I don't think he was too pleased to still be alive." "But he sort of felt he had to be grateful... and I thought I ought to be his friend... even though he was pretty depressing company... to be perfectly honest." "It was about 6 months later... and we were standing together on this roof." "He dragged me up here to share a few insights about the world." "And I was standing behind him... wishing I'd never heard of Hammersmith Bridge... when I just thought... well, A... maybe I'd made a mistake by pulling him out of the river..." "Because all he ever talked about was how miserable he was;" "And B, since I'd saved his life..." "I sort of had a few rights over it." "So, I walked right up to him and pushed him over." "Do you just want to get a shot pointing down over the edge?" "Course, they all thought it was suicide." "Anyway, that's how I got started." "I'd say I do about 8, maybe 10 people a year." "Men, women." "I don't really care." "The first couple of months I went kind of mental." "I think I did about 20." "But after that I calmed down a bit." "Still, I wouldn't want you to think that's all I do." "I'd probably be pretty boring if it was." "I, Derrick Steven Morris.," "I, Derrick Steven Morris... take you, Emily Jane Murphy... take you, Emily Jane Murphy... to be my wife... to be my wife... to have and to hold... to have and to hold..." "One, 2, 3!" "It's actually a nice way to earn a living." "Free food, free booze." "I mean, it's not like you're a waiter... and it's the best place in the world to meet women." "Look at them." "Nothing makes a single woman feel less loved... than watching someone else get married." "I've had some pretty good times at other people's weddings..." " I can tell you." " Oi!" "Do you want to start filming us?" "What do you think I'm paying you for?" "Sure, I'm sorry." "Who's he?" "He's my assistant." "As long as I'm not paying him, too." "Ok, what I'm gonna show you now... is the first time I filmed myself doing someone." "To be honest, I made a bit of a mess of it." "I'll just warn you about that in advance." "Still, you can't just show the triumphs, can you?" "I mean, I'm not pretending I had this down pat... right from the start." "You have to work at these things." "Ok, take 1." "This is Tim." "Say hello, Tim." "Tell them what you do, Tim." "Tim is suffering from a bit of stage fright just now." "He's an assistant manager at a High Street retailer... of consumer durables." "I'm not gonna say which ones." "They don't pay me for advertising." "He was getting along nicely." "Weren't you?" "No, no." "No, please." "It's not your lucky day, is it?" "No!" "Well, like I said... it was the first time I filmed one." "Of course, I'd probably be right in thinking you don't approve." "Me evil, you good, yeah?" "That's fine." "I can take criticism." "I'm not sure what you mean by evil, though." "Or maybe you think it isn't my fault." "Maybe I watched too many violent films... when I was a child." "That one always makes me laugh." "As if there weren't people like me... before films were even invented." "And what about everybody who saw..." ""The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"... and didn't go out and buy meat hooks?" "No, take it from someone who knows." "It ain't the movies." "And I'm pretty sure I'm not mad, either." "Usual, Max?" "Oh, thank you, Joe, that would be splendid." "Do have one yourself." "Is he making a film?" "As a matter of fact, I am making a film." "What's it about?" "It's about life, really." "And death." "Life sucks." "Death's not much better, either." "Would you like to do an interview with us?" "So, your name is?" "Bill." "Bill what?" "Mullins." "So, it's 3:00, and you're shitfaced." "Yeah." "Regular occurrence?" "When I've got the money." "So, life didn't work out." "No." "Do you consider yourself one of life's casualties?" "What?" "Well, what if I said I could end all your troubles?" "Now." "How?" "With this." "Well, if I shot you in the head, for example... that would be an end to all your suffering." "Is this for the film?" "All I'm asking is why go on living?" "Well..." "You said it yourself." "Life sucks." "So, why stay alive?" "Look, I don't want any trouble." "Who said anything about trouble?" "I'm just asking you a question." "In fact, I'm offering you a service." "It's just something I'm trying to understand." "Why cling on to something that makes you miserable?" "You think I killed him." "I didn't kill him." "It was only a replica gun, anyway." "To tell you the truth, I actually felt sorry for him." "I just wanted to ask him that question." "I want to ask a lot of people that question." "I mean, you see people all the time... going around, looking totally miserable." "And you wonder why they go on." "It's like relationships." "Well, a lot of them." "You've got 2 people who can't stand each other... or at least who are totally bored with each other... which is probably worse... and they just cling on." "Like parasites." "I think a lot of people don't want to accept that... which is understandable, but they ought to." "Are you waiting for your mummy?" "Yeah." "Well, she told me to come and pick you up." "Do you want to be a part of our film as well?" "Ok." "Yeah?" "Want me to carry your bag?" "No, I'm fine." "You ok?" "Want to hold my hand?" "I've got my car just down here." "There you are." "Where have you been?" "He wanted ice cream." "Brilliant." "Now he won't want his tea." "Hey, Nico!" "You're still doing that wedding stuff, then?" "Yes." "When are you gonna get a real job?" "Do you want to explain to me what you mean by a real job?" "I don't know." "Something with a future, at least." "Oh, yes, a future." "I've always wanted one of those." "Can't you take anything seriously?" "My older sister Sam is, as you can see, concerned I'm wasting my life." "Whatever." "Do what you want." "I am doing what I want." "Are you doing what you want?" "What?" "Well, all this." "The house, the husband, the kids." "Is it really satisfying?" "I'm not gonna have this discussion... for the benefit of your film, Max." "Go on." "You staying to dinner or what?" "I think we should eat Nico." "You have to smash out the meat fairly brutally... to make it nice and tender." "Oh, don't worry... it's just a little wood pigeon..." "I'm preparing for a friend of mine." "Just add a little stock." "Now a little bit of wine." "You just want to come a little closer?" "Now we'll just let that cook for a bit." "And then we'll add some cream later." "Max!" "That looks absolutely delicious." "Tuck in." "Well, isn't your friend going to join us?" "He's not my friend." "He's my assistant." "And he's here to help me make my film." "Have some potatoes." "What are you planning to do with this film?" "Oh, probably nothing." "It's just a personal project." "What's the point?" "Well, that is the point." "Only you could be mad enough... to have someone constantly following you around... with a camera." "Thanks." "Great." "Bye, Petra." "Bye." "Petra's one of my oldest friends." "We actually had a bit of a thing with each other a few years ago." "Now we're just mates." "I think it's a good thing we're not going out... with each other anymore." "We'd probably kill each other." "Oh, here, do you want some of this?" "That was good work." "Well done." "Do you want to give me a hand here?" "But I'm filming." "Just put the camera down and give me a hand." "Come on!" "I wonder how long it'll take before they find that one?" "Come on." "Come on, get the camera." "Let's go." "Generally, I try to mix things up a bit." "Victims, weapons, methods, locations, circumstances." "Also, if you take some money and stuff... they think the motive is robbery." "Now, obviously, this means... you have to keep using your imagination... but it also means that they can't build up a profile." "I mean, as far as I know... they haven't even connected up any of mine... and I've done at least 50 so far." "The problem is, you don't get a lot of coverage." "You don't get to really make a statement." "And that's why I've decided to make this film." "I suppose you'll be thinking I've exposed myself... but don't worry." "I've thought of a solution to that, too." "You may now kiss the bride." "I can't believe you did it, mate." "You wanker." "Give us another one of them, will you?" "How you feeling?" "Mad." "Are you happy to be married?" "Yeah, I suppose." "You suppose?" "I don't know." "Only did it to shut her up." "Ritchie!" "All right." "Duty calls." "I'm trying to make this film not just about me... but about life in general." "I mean, you could look at me and say I'm a predator." "And then the question is... what makes some people the lions... and others the wildebeest?" "Who decides that?" "When are you gonna do one?" "Don't know." "You still want to, don't you?" "Aye." "It's important that you participate fully... in this project." "We discussed this, didn't we?" "Aye." "You don't want to stay a wildebeest, do you?" "Do you?" "No." "Good." "Yes?" "Hello." "What's all this?" "He's making a film with me." "Film?" "Yes." "Oh." "Tea for you, young man?" "Please." "Milk?" "Please." "Sugar?" "One, please." "So, how are you?" "How am I?" "What's to tell?" "Nothing to tell." "I'm fine." "Is your tea all right?" "Oh, it's fine, thank you, Grandma." "And yours?" "Fine." "So, when did I last see you?" "Let me see, now." "You never come around to see your grandma." "What are you up to these days?" "I'm still doing my filming." "Making any money at it?" "I get by." "Still doing..." "what is it, the weddings?" "That's right." "Your father was exactly the same." "He never could settle to anything." "Do you think it's a family trait, Grandma?" "Family trait?" "I don't know." "Didn't come from my side of the family." "That's for sure." "What the..." "What the fuck are you doing out there?" "Get in here." "Brilliant." "You almost missed everything." "Now, go down and get a good shot of her." "I'm not going to say anything flippant or ironic to you." "I know you won't understand... but I'm gonna explain a couple of things to you, anyway." "You see that there?" "We're making a film of this." "We're trying to do something that hasn't been done before." "Well, I've never heard of it being done before." "We're trying to make an intelligent movie... about murder... while actually doing the murders." "Now, I know that doesn't help you... and it doesn't justify what I've done... but at least it's interesting." "You see, that's the point, isn't it?" "See?" "To try to do something interesting." "The problem is... it looks like you can't do anything interesting... unless you give people a shock... and you can't give people a shock... unless you do something really horrible." "No, wait, wait, wait." "I haven't finished." "I was hoping to get some sort of a reaction from her." "I mean, that would be something, wouldn't it?" "To get someone to see the point of this... while actually being part of it, too." "Oh, now you really hate me, don't you?" "Well, that's fine." "But before you condemn me... you ought to be able to answer one question." "How much is a single human life really worth... compared to doing something that hasn't been done before?" "Everything?" "Well, let's put it this way." "If you sold your TV... and gave the money to some aid organization... some child in Africa would live a little longer, wouldn't they?" "But you're not going to sell your TV, are you?" "So human life isn't quite worth everything, is it?" "I mean, it's not worth as much as your TV, for example." "Now, would you have sold your TV to save that woman's life... given the option?" "Well, if you think "yes"... then why not for the African child?" "And if you think "No"... then what are you giving me a hard time for?" "Well, it's about this woman... who discovers that she can listen in... on other people's thoughts." "And at first she thinks it's really cool... and she starts listening in on all her friends... and she works out all these ways of making money from it." "But then it all starts to go wrong... and she finds she can't stop." "What, she can't turn it off?" "No." "It's like she becomes addicted to it." "And?" "Well, I haven't worked out all the details yet... but that's the basic idea." "Right." "Well, it sounds really interesting." "Sounds like a nightmare to me." "Well, that's the point." "Imagine what would happen... if we all knew what we really thought about each other." "I'd go for it." "Oh, bollocks you would." "No, actually, you probably would." "You'd have no friends." "But that's only if you couldn't take what they were thinking... which really means only if you can't see yourself... for what you really are." "Oh, the man of truth." "At least I'm open to it." "No, you're not." "You couldn't take what people really think about you." " I think I could." " You sure about that?" " Absolutely." " All right." "You've got this idea that you're some sort of unique artist... when in fact you're just a cunt who shoots wedding videos." "Now you've got this idiot following you around... filming conversations like this... as if it was something, like, fascinating and adventurous... when it's just 4 drunk people... sitting around talking bollocks... like people have always talked bollocks." "It's a total sham." "Hey, well, you said you could take it." "Oh, great." "That's fine." "I'm really not bothered." "You're not, are you?" "No." "Yeah, that's what I like about you, Max." "You do not give a fuck." "Actually, I do give a fuck... but not about that." "You may say I should give a fuck... about this, for example." "I've lost my wife." "My children have lost their mother." "I just..." "I..." "I just want to say to members of the public... that whoever did this is still out there and must be..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "That was the woman I did in the kitchen." "Actually, I had a look around afterwards." "I saw pictures of that guy and 2 children." "She was young enough to have parents... not to mention siblings, friends, colleagues." "That's a lot of people... all smashed up by something I did." "Now, why don't I care about that?" "I mean, I know you care about it." "That's why you think I'm a bad person." "But the thing is, I don't care about it." "I didn't ask not to care about it, but I just don't." "And if I don't care about it, how can I think it's wrong?" "And if I don't think it's wrong, then why shouldn't I do it?" "We're gonna try a little experiment." "Just the man." "Onto the woman." "Onto me." "The question is... were you at all curious to see what was happening?" "I know you don't approve... and I'm not saying that you do... but were you absolutely sure... without a shadow of a doubt... that you weren't craning a little to see?" "Hmm?" "Not even the teensiest bit?" "Now, did you want to see that or not?" "And if not, then why are you still watching?" "All right, it's coming." "That is milk?" "Yes, for you." "There you go." "He's always getting that old film out." "I mean, it was over 15 years ago." "Funny thing is, he never comes with me to the cemetery." "He's... he's..." "Max naughty." "Yeah, he is." "Hello." "Max, do the tyrannosaurus!" "Max!" "Hey, guys, could you just be..." "Max, for God's sake!" "He's worse than the both of them." "This is very good, darling." "Thanks." "What is it again?" "Oxtail." "Now, Ben, that's not the way we eat at the table, is it?" "But I'm being a gecko." "You can be a gecko later... but while you're eating dinner, you're a human being." "But Max is being a gecko." "Well, sometimes adults can be geckos... when little boys can't." "I'm not disagreeing with you." "I just think you're making too much of it." "I don't think I am making too much of it." "He's a bad influence." "Oh, he was just being stupid." "So what else is new?" "He's always being stupid." "Well, I don't need him being stupid in my house... when I'm trying to have my dinner... and I don't need him encouraging disrespect in my children." "Oh, it was hardly that, John." "He disrespects everything, including us." "You can either sit carping from the sideline like he does... or you can get with the program... and make something out of your life." "I don't want my kids choosing the first option." "Look, he's my brother." "I can't just tell him not to come round." "I'm not saying he can't come round." "He just has to learn to respect our rules when he does." "She's all right, actually..." "Sam." "You may of course be wondering... why she decided to get married to a complete wanker, but... it's not so hard to understand, really." "See, the thing is, she's more like me than she likes to think." "I mean, she doesn't go around killing people or anything... but, well, she's kind of not with the program... when it really comes down to it." "You should have seen the things she did to me when we were kids." "The difference is... it bothers her that she's not with the program." "That's why she married John." "But I don't think she's happy with him." "Ben and Nico, though..." "they're great." "I mean, they're definitely from our side of the family." "You can see that cunt John trying to suck it out of them... but they're too far gone already." "They'll only end up hating him for it... and that'll be another battle he's lost." "Well, I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on him." "It's not his fault he doesn't understand." "He just lacks the equipment." "It's the ones that have the equipment... that have to take responsibility." "Big smiles, please." "That's great." "Good evening, ladies, gentlemen... members of Giles' stag party... which, I can assure you... having spent the weekend with them... do not come into the first two categories." "Firstly, please forgive me." "I am a little nervous." "This isn't the first time today..." "I've got up from a warm seat... with a piece of paper in my hand." "When Giles asked me to be his best man..." "I said straight off, "No way."" "He offered me 10 pounds." "I said I couldn't be bought." "He offered me 20 pounds." "I said, "Do you really think I'm that cheap?"" "He offered me 30 pounds." "So good evening, ladies and gentlemen." "My name is Crispin, and I am the best man." "Come on." "Nobody can see us." "Fiona, I just got married, for Christ's sake." "So?" "It didn't stop us when you got engaged." "That was different." "Come on." "It doesn't mean you have to stop having fun." "What was that?" "Oh, relax." "There's somebody in the bushes." "Who the fuck are you?" "Listen." "You may be wondering why I let you see that." "Want to see what I did to him?" "No, please." "Help!" "Help!" "The neighbors are over a mile away." "If you wanted to be rescued, you should have owned less land." "Please!" "Please!" "Please!" "Are you ready?" "Are you ready?" "Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy." "But then, that's the advantage of being a psychopath." "You don't have to take any shit from people." "She's lovely." "She's really, really, really little... and has black, black curly hair and violet eyes." "No, thanks." "What do you think he does when he's not helping Max?" "So, what do you do when you're not helping Max?" "You know, things." "What sort of things?" "Bits and pieces." "Nothing special." "Well, I hope Max is paying you well for this." "What's his film about?" "What's your film about, Max?" "I'm not supposed to say." "Oh, come on, tell us." "I bet it's really twisted." "Mm-hmm." "Oh, Max!" "Leave him alone, you two." "Give us a beer, will you?" "You're meant to be driving." "Come on." "That's one beer gone." "Of course, I... could kill them all now." "It wouldn't be too difficult." "Him while he's asleep." "Girls... they're always easy." "Don't worry." "I'm not going to." "Well, they are my friends, you know." "The question is, what happens when you just think about it?" "What happens when you allow yourself... to represent the possibility?" "Then you have to decide... whether to shy away from the thought or... spend a bit of time with it, see how you react to it." "Do you feel appalled, or do you just think..." ""Well, that could happen"?" "That's always been my trouble." "How was that?" "Seemed OK to me." "Yes, but was it convincing?" "I don't know." "I'm not an expert on these things." "I thought it was pretty good." "Did you really?" "Petra's got a lead role at last." ""The Duchess of Malfi."" "It's only a fringe production, but, you know... a lead's a lead, I suppose." "Of course, she's now become impossible." "She had us do that scene and review the tape about 10 times." "Still, that's the artistic temperament for you." "No creativity without neurosis." "That's why I prefer the real thing." "It's a lot less stressful." "Just relax." "So, can you tell me why I should consider you for a promotion?" "Take your time." "Well..." "Obviously we've discussed this before." "I take it you've had time to give the matter... your fullest consideration." "Aye." "You can appreciate, I'm sure... that it's quite a step from holding the camera... to doing the killing." "Aye, I do, very much." "You realize you'll be taking on... a considerable ethical responsibility." "I know." "Obviously I have to ask... if there's any type of situation you'd feel uncomfortable with." "Women or children, perhaps?" "No." "No, you couldn't do them, or no, it wouldn't be a problem?" "It wouldn't be a problem." "I'll tell you what I'm gonna do." "I'm gonna give you a shot." "What about this one?" "I don't think so." "OK, what about this one?" "Looks like he could do with a lesson in humility." "I think we could help him there." "Don't you?" "Could do them." "Cheap and cheerful." "Could try him." "You'd have to plan it quite carefully, though." "Probably not one for a first attempt." "Ah, this one looks a possibility." "OK, let's do it." "No, no, no, no." "Like this!" "OK." "I'm sorry about this." "It's his first time." "Try this." "One quick slash across the throat." "It's easy." "Right." "Let's go." "Well, come on." "Get hold of her hair." "What are you fucking waiting for?" "I... can't do it." "Do what?" "I can't do it." "I thought I could, but I can't." "You thought you could, but you can't." "You stupid fucking idiot." "I ought to stick this in you." "Sorry." "There." "How hard was that?" "OK, now, do you want to explain to me what happened back there?" "I don't know." "I thought I could do it, but I couldn't." "I think we've already established that." "What I'm asking here is why you couldn't do it." "I thought I'd feel different." "You thought you'd feel different." "I just didn't want to do it." "Why didn't you want to do it?" "You wanted to up until 2 hours ago." "That was different." "Different how?" "It wasn't real." "I'm sorry?" "It didn't feel real." "I can assure you it's real." "Everything we've been doing for the last 6 months... has been extremely real." "I've not hurt anyone." "Do you really think this is something... you can walk away from?" "You're committed." "You've aided and abetted the murder of over 15 people." "I'm not doing it anymore." "You're repeating yourself again." "You know how boring that is." "What do you propose to do with that?" "I take it there's a point to this?" "How do you like it?" "Very good." "Don't talk down to me." "You're always talking down to me." "All right, take it easy." "Calm down, ok?" "You've got to stop it." "What?" "This... all this stuff you're doing." "OK, fine, I'll stop." "How do I know that you will?" "You can't be serious." "I'm going to make you stop." "If you do that, you'll be no better than me." "You are better than me, aren't you?" "I honestly believe that every so-called serial killer... who got caught either wanted to or didn't approach his work intelligently." "Obviously, I had to be careful in my choice of assistant." "I mean, it was always possible... there was gonna be a difference of opinion." "As far as I know... he'd been homeless for about three years... and hadn't seen his family in over five." "There we go." "He didn't have any friends... which won't surprise you, given his interpersonal skills... apart from a couple of other fuck-ups... who were living under the Westway." "When I approached him, I made sure nobody was watching, and since then, he's been living here with me." "So he's unlikely to be missed." "And anybody who does can't possibly connect him with me." "Right, the clothes go into a bin bag." "And then into a bin..." "not mine, of course." "And it's always a good idea... to wait until just before the dustmen arrive." "The challenge, of course, is the body." "Here we go." "Now, Ben, remember to keep it in focus, OK?" "Max, that looks magnificent." "Ok, who wants what?" "Grandma, you like it well done, don't you?" "Oh, yes, well done for me, yes, please, dear." "Max, this is great." "You may be a nutter, but you really can cook." "Is that a compliment?" "It sounded like it might be a compliment." "I can't remember the last time you had us round for dinner." "Yes, it's really very good of you." "We should do it more often." "How's yours, grandma?" "Very tasty." " John?" " Oh, it's delicious." "I was wondering though, what sort of meat is it?" "Venezuelan veal." "I got it from this butcher I go to at Smithfield." "Apparently, they feed the animals... on this special high-protein diet... and they get this distinctive flavor." "Really?" "Well, it's nice to try something exotic... every now and then." "Max, can you be a gecko?" "I don't think I ought to be a gecko just now." "Well, why not?" "Well, sometimes we have to behave... the way other people think we should." "It's always been a mystery to me... why people make such heavy weather... about disposing of a body." "I mean, if you leave a severed arm and a sackful of entrails... at the bottom of someone's garden... of course they're going to notice." "But if the meat's been cut up and cooked... and there's only a small amount of it... it just looks like a few leftovers." "Of course, there's quite a lot of flesh... on the average human being." "I mean, compared to a chicken, for example." "So it takes a while to get rid of." "But that's not a problem if you've got a big freezer." "The bones you can boil and then roast... which makes them easy to grind up." "Make quite a good stock, actually." "All very simple." "No need to draw attention to yourself and get caught... and become everybody's favorite hate figure." "Unless you want to, that is." "Is there anybody assembled here today... who knows of any lawful impediment... as to why this man and woman... should not be joined in holy matrimony?" "Speak now or forever hold your peace." "Fucking bastard!" "You may well be wondering if this is in fact a joke." "Not a very tasteful joke, but a joke nonetheless." "Well... it is." "Isn't it?" "Max, you made it." "Of course." "How was I?" "You were brilliant." "No, I wasn't." "I was shit." "You were brilliant..." "really." "Do you think so?" " Yeah, you were brilliant." " You were great." "You're just saying that." "That's right." "We thought you were shit really." "Don't listen to him." "Come on, it's was a joke." "No, really, it was a joke." "Look, it was." "You were brilliant." "Here you go." "Thanks for helping me rehearse." "Always happy to support the cause of art... in my small way." "No, really." "It was a big help." "By the way, where's your friend?" "Who?" "Your assistant." "Oh, I terminated our relationship." "What?" "He'd reached the end of his usefulness." "I do wonder about you sometimes, Max." "I wonder what you're wondering about me... now we've spent some time together." "Actually, you're not wondering at all, are you?" "I mean, you know a few things that Petra doesn't, after all." "I can just see that look of superiority on your face... even though you should have a few doubts now... if you're really going to be fair." "I wonder what sort of a conversation we'd have... if we came face to face." "Don't suppose we'll ever find out, will we?" " Wait a minute!" " No, no!" "Bill." "Bill." "It's all right, it's all right." "Calm down." "I just want to talk." "We've talked already." "This is different." "All right?" "Bill, I want to offer you a job." "What?" "A job, Bill." "For me." "How hard was that?" "Hello." "Can you spare us a few moments of your time?" " That's you?" " That's right." "Do you mind if I and my cameraman... just came through?" "What's the thing?" "Oh, you'll love it." " This is your place?" " Yeah." "Oh, wow." "This is a joke, right?" "It's not a joke." "What's your name?" "Neil." "Tell me, Neil, why exactly did you watch that film to the end?" "What?" "Did you think it was real?" "I... don't know." "You thought it was a joke." "Yeah." "Supposing it wasn't a joke." "Do you think there'd be something wrong with you... for having watched the film to the end?" "Well, obviously there'd be something wrong with me... for having made it..." "if that makes it any easier." "Ok, let me clarify things." "It was real." "All of it." "All of those people were really being killed." "So there's definitely something wrong with me." "What I want you to tell me... is whether there's something wrong with you." "As you'll be aware, I recorded this over a film... called "The Last Horror Movie..."" "so in a sense it's the title of this movie." "It's kind of an appropriate title, if you think about it... which is why I picked it." "I mean, I could say... it's an appropriate title for this film... because in its self-conscious subversion... of horror movie conventions... it's kind of a last word in horror." "But you might think I was a bit of a wanker... which I probably would be... if I went around saying things like that." "But I've got a better reason... for calling it "The Last Horror Movie."" "I'll show you." "No, no, no!" "We didn't get very far." "I think he found it hard to concentrate." "Seriously, though..." "I had to make sure he'd watched the whole film... before I showed up." "I've found in the past... that people haven't been able to think... while they're being murdered." "Which is understandable, I suppose." "That's why I came up with the video store gimmick." "If I could get people to watch it... like it was an ordinary film... well, not ordinary, perhaps... but without me standing over them... they'd have a chance to draw some conclusions." "Then we could have a meaningful discussion." "Unfortunately, Neil wasn't quite up to it." "See, I do believe the ones who saw the film... managed to get at least a sense of what I was trying to achieve." "Once they were able to see their own experience... as part of the whole project... which I think is something of a success, really." "The problem is..." "I haven't been able to get anybody to respond... in a really interesting way." "That's understandable, I suppose." "But it would be nice if someone came up with a few thoughts... one of these days." "How about you?" "Think you'd have something to say?" "Have you thought of something to say?" "Maybe you want to ask me some questions." "I'd be happy to try and answer them." "Really." "You probably just want to report me to the police, right?" "Well, obviously I can't let you do that." "You understand that at least." "I mean, if you're watching this film... you've become very dangerous to me... as I have to you." "Our fortunes are inextricable tied." "Clearly then, we're going to have to meet." "Soon..." "Very soon, if I've timed things right." "You don't believe me, do you?" "You think this is some art house film... that's meant to look like a home movie." "You don't think this is the only copy of this film." "You don't think I was waiting... when you hired it from the video store... or that I followed you home." "Wonder where you are now." "Are you standing by a window?" "Maybe I'm looking at you right now." "Or maybe I'll get in just by knocking on the door." "I've done that three times before... if you can believe it." "People just let you in..." "it's quite extraordinary." "They all thought it was some sort of reality-TV stunt." "Then again, maybe I'll have to break in." "Maybe I've already broken in." "Go on, don't believe me." "That's good." "It makes my job a lot easier." "But it doesn't really matter whether you believe me or not." "I've had a lot of practice at this." "A lot more than you, I suspect." "Whatever happens... this is gonna be your last horror movie." "I'll be seeing you."