"Bendin' in the Wind" "Oh, my God!" "They dug up a bag of olestra chips from my time!" "There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there." " Is that one of those Led Zeppelins?" " No, it's an old Volkswagen van!" "Mind if I take this old van?" "Sure." "You wanna dump the corpses out of there, it's yours." "Yeah, I've gotten used cars before." "What's that?" "One of those Jefferson Starships?" "It's called a van." "And in light of the fact it's not rocking, I invite you to come knocking." "It's a triumph of German engineering!" "The speedometer only goes up to 80." "It can't go faster than 80,000 mph?" "No, but it's got a driver's-side floor and an eight-track player!" "Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time?" "Under the seat." " Why won't it start?" " It needs gas." "Wrong again, idiot." "There is no gas." "Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038." "Gas was an environmental disaster." "We use alternative fuels." " Like what?" " Whale oil." " Bender, lift it up to the can opener." " Oh, no!" "Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off!" "Plus the magnet impairs your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs." "What?" "Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer?" "If you don't open that can now, your fear will own you, and nothing's worse!" "Okay!" "Okay, I can do this." "It's time to take life by the cans." " Come on, you can do it!" " Go on, you dummy!" "Oh, no!" "It's toe-tappingly tragic!" "Doc, I can't move my arms and legs!" "What's wrong with me?" " This is the worst part of the job." " Good news?" "Bender, your hydraulics are shot." "You'll never move again." " You mean...?" " Sorry, you'll have to get a new one." " Poor Bender!" " Well, let's drag him to the curb." "Wait!" "Bender is my best friend." "We can't just dump him in the gutter like Grandma's ashes." "My life is over." "I'll never know happiness again!" " Hello, there." " Look!" "It's Patch Cord Adams!" " He heals with the power of laughter." " Come on, take it." " Can't move your arms?" " No, or I'd be strangling you right now!" "Here's a giggle!" "Why do they use Windows 3000 as a prison guard?" "Because it always locks up." " For God's sake, somebody kick his ass!" " Well, so long." "Get well soon." "Well, so long anyway." "I'm doomed." "Everybody leave me alone!" "I don't want to be seen this way." "You look so sad." "Do you want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?" "Hey, the blues!" "The tragic sound of other people suffering." "That's kind of a pick-me-up." " That was great!" " Thanks." "Are you a fan?" "I don't know." "Let me see." "Oh, my God, you're Beck!" "I'd get up to shake hands and steal your wallet, but my body crapped out." "I used to miss my body too but then I fished this mannequin out of the 92¢ Store dumpster." "We've got a lot in common." "I always dreamed of being a musician-poet who transcends genres even as he reinvents them." " So do it." "It's easier than it looks." " Thanks, but it's hopeless." " I'll never be a musician now." " Or maybe you'll be the best musician ever." "What's this for?" "Try and scrape it across your chest like a knife on burnt toast." "Move those arms!" "Use the power of mental thinking." "Make it dynamic!" "Yeah!" "Congratulations, my friend." " Why, 'cause I made an annoying noise?" " I use those all the time in my music." "Bender, I want you to be my new washboard player." "All right!" "Go Bender!" "Go Bender!" "Go Bender!" "That's my good friend Beck." "I'm off to rock a series of midlevel venues." "Kudos, Bender!" "You got mangled, and now you're a singer." "Both our dreams came true." "Who wants to cram in my van, follow Bender on tour and live in the van?" "I don't know, Fry." "I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van." "Move it!" "We gotta get to the concert and make the audience wait!" " Bad news, friends." "My shell ran." " Zoidberg, you idiot!" " My outfit!" "It's..." " Kind of cool!" " I like it!" " Me too, now that I'm used to it." "Then it was all on purpose!" "You're lucky to have me as a friend." "But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that!" "Got a washboard stomach And a microphone" "That was a washboard break" "One bowl of Jell-O knuckles." "That'll be three pictures of George Washington." " Oh, no!" "My beautiful money!" " It got ruined in the wash!" " Mine too, even my change." " Get lost, you moneyless hippies!" "You heard him, freaks!" "We don't like your type around here!" "These are the types we like." "That was the best 40-minute washboard solo I've ever heard." "The parts when I was awake blew my mind!" "Check out all those broken robots." "Howdy, fellas!" "I don't believe my broken eyes!" "It's Bender, the washboard player!" " We caught your concert from here." " You rock!" "Bender, sign my chest!" "It's in that bin behind me!" "Thanks for showing that broken robots are still useful." "Hang in there, folks." "I bet before you know it, you guys will be..." "That's so wrong!" "They can't just melt down broken robots!" " Not right when they're kissing my ass." " Just cold chill." "When I'm upset, I write a song." "I wrote "Devil's Haircut" when I was feeling..." "What's that song about?" "Yeah, I could write a song!" "With real words, not phony ones like "odelay."" "Odelay is a word." "Look it up in the Becktionary." "I'm working on my song." "Hand me the Becktionary." "No, the rhyming Becktionary." "I'd like to raise awareness about broken robots but what can I do?" "I only weigh 8 pounds." "Wait!" "You know lots of rock stars, and they like to look like they care." "We can all do a big benefit concert in San Francisco!" " We can call it "Bend-Aid," after me!" " And you can sing your song!" "And I'll let you sing backup!" "But remember who the star is." "Me, Bender." "All right. "Hands in the air" rhymes with "just don't care" and finished!" " Smells like something died in here." " Surprise!" "Can we crash here?" "The colors in the van keep us awake." "All right, but hands off the minibar." "I forgot about TV." "Living on the road, you realize life is better without it." "Well, let's see what's on." "Tuesday, Golden Gate Park!" "Monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock  will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid!" "Featuring:" "Beck, Wailing Fungus, and special guest, Bender!" "A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots." "Bender, you're famous!" "This coming together of superstars really means a lot to you, doesn't it?" "Helping my defective brothers is the first thing I've ever cared about." "You know, when I first got broken, I thought my life was over." "But look at me now." "I've got fame, money, groupies and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized." "That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage and say, "Look at me I am a broken robot!"" " Bender!" "You can move!" "You're cured!" " Oh, crap!" "It's a miracle." "I can move again." "My music career is over." "I don't understand the biz, but wouldn't being able to move help?" "No!" "Don't you see?" "I was a hero to broken robots." "I was one of them." "How can I sing about being damaged if I'm not?" "That's like Christina Aguilera singing in Spanish." "Wait!" "That's it!" "I'll fake it!" " Don't do that at the concert." " I can't stop." "When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat." "You are so disgusting!" "I..." " They're beautiful!" " You're touching them!" "I've never seen pearls like this." "You're amazing!" "I am?" "At last!" "Recognition!" "Put your hands together for the folk stylings  of Cylon and Garfunkel!" "Here's a song that was beautiful when performed by my ancestor Art." " We're home." " Let's earn some bread." "Get your love beads!" "Can't journey to your mind's center without them!" "Look at the colors!" "These will go great with my soul." "Glad you like them." "I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently." " I'll take three!" " Give me one, man!" "I'll trade you a bad poem!" "And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders for..." "Beck!" "With special guest, Bender, the broken robot!" " Bender rules!" " Groove on, man!" "Rock it, Bender!" "That song doesn't usually last three hours but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended." "Anyway, one last item of business before we go." "Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots here's a big cardboard check for $ 1 4,000." " It's been an emotional day for me." " I don't know what to say." "Then maybe you should sing it." "Lay it down, boys." "Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of machinery this is a song called "My Broken Friend."" "People say my broken friend is useless But I say his mind is free" "There's lots of things My mangled robot friend could be" "Kick it." " He could make a good hatrack" " He only has to stand there" " Or a cheap doorstop" " He doesn 't need to move" "Or a great big, giant thermos With a twist-off top" " That would be good for soup" " He could be a storage closet" " For outdated pants" " I like them tight" "My broken friend could do it all" "Just give him a chance" "That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share" "My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair" " That robot's name I never told you" " Who's that?" " You could not foresee" " Give it up." "I'll say it loud and sing it proud His name is you and me" " Don 't melt me into a crowbar" " It suffers alone" "Just 'cause I can 't move my arms and legs" " Or toss me into a trashcan" " What are you doing?" " Because I can 't cook eggs" " What are you doing?" "!" " Don 't crush me into an anchor" " What's up?" " Because I can 't dance and sing" " Hold it!" "I'm telling you, my broken friend Put your hands in the air" "Like you just don 't care I'm telling you, my broken friend" " Can do most anything" " Cut it!" " Yeah!" " Cut it!" " Curse my natural showmanship!" " You big fat fraud!" " You're not really broken!" " But you will be!" "Bum rush the stage!" " Get him!" " Get him!" "Oh, harsh!" "I didn't get my beads!" "You, minion, lift up my arm." "After him!" "Everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers." "What is this, the Year of the Jerk?" "!" "The Golden Gate Bridge!" "Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal!" "I forgot it's a hoverbridge!" " I forgot this isn't a hover car!" " Is that a problem?" "Not if you've lived a life without regret." " I'll save me!" " Quick, grab his foot cuffs!" "Bummer." "Someone fat, get in my way!" "I'm broken again." "I can't move any part of me!" " Good!" " I'm sorry I lied, Beck." "I just wanted to make music with you." "I never meant to hurt anyone or help anyone." " That's some played-out horsecrap!" "But I know you don't mean it." "Apology accepted." " So I can keep the check?" " Over my dead career." "Well, it was worth a shot." "If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home!" "All right." "Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up."