"I didn't know business was this bad." "Oh, God." "Oh, no." "Why?" "It can't be that bad." "We've never had a month this bad." "We're probably going to have to dip into the emergency fund." "I hope you're talking about the backup emergency fund." "You're not serious." "You're the one who wanted to spend all that money on the exterminator." "Yeah, we had rats." "You know, we're screwed." "Hey, babe, I'm gonna take the car, okay?" "Where are you going?" "First I have to pick up my work clothes at the dry cleaners." "Then I have to drive into the city for the lunch shift at the restaurant, then back here for class, then back into the city for the dinner shift." "So between parking, gas, tolls, and dry cleaning," "I should clear a good $7.00 today." "Better than nothing, huh?" "Yeah." "How you doing on the bar's bills?" "Oh, it's great fun." "Just bills, bills, same" "Let me see." "Oh, God, this bar is milking us dry." "We're just having a little rough patch, but it's gonna get better in 6 months." "Yeah." "You know what?" "That's what you said 6 months ago and 6 months before that." "Well, we can't give up before the miracle." "This place is just about to take off." "It's virtually rat-free." "You know, that kind of thing gets around." "We have three kids in school." "We have me in school." "Plus we have those frivolous things-- you know, like underwear and shoes." "Baby, what am I supposed to do, just walk away?" "I" "You've given this bar a great shot." "You've given it 6 months, at least 4 times." "You know, maybe it's time you thought about going back to work as an electrician." "And where does that leave me?" "The Red Boot is our dream." "Come on, Eddie." "You were the one who wanted to burn the dream down, remember?" "Well, I didn't, did I?" "And you know why?" "Uh, because it's arson?" "No, because it's given me a reason to get up in the morning." "The Red Boot is who I am." "Why do you want to take away who I am?" "Yeah, baby, I can't go back to grunt work, huh?" "I mean, we practically grew up at the Red Boot." "Our grandfather Paddy used to take us down there." "Granted, he wasn't the best baby-sitter in the world, but we've been going there since we were this high." "Come on, baby." "And now we own the place." "Don't make me the bad guy." "I didn't do this, you did this." "I'm sick and tired of having to go to bed every night praying to God that our kids don't get sick or hungry." "Okay, look, you're right." "You're right, okay, you've been very patient." "Forget 6 months." "How 'bout just two weeks?" "Just two weeks." "Until St. Patty's Day." "For an Irish bar, St. Patrick's Day, it's like our Christmas season." "All right, I guess" "And if we don't make St. Patrick's Day work, you are totally right." "That place will never work and we'll walk away." "All right." "All right." "I gotta get going." "Check this out." "The dance squad is gonna have the coolest float in the entire parade." "Sounds great." "No, no, this is historic." "This is the first time the Science Nauts have ever teamed up with the dance squad." "Or, you know, girls." "Wow." "This is really elaborate." "Yeah." "See, this is our giant animatronic St. Patrick." "And with this hydraulic arm, he's beckoning the snakes out of Ireland, see?" "Yeah, that's great." "The only thing I don't see on the dance squad float is room for the dance squad." "Oh, you know, yeah, we could probably take out a couple snakes." "Or you could do this." "Okay." "But, see, according to scale, that would be a 90-foot platform supported by nothing." "Ah." "You've added a small wheel." "Problem solved." "Come on, Brad, you guys can make it work." "You're the Science Nerds." "Nauts." "What'd I say?" "I love you." "Now, we know that T.J. Shenanigans is gonna go all out for St. Patrick's Day." "We have to do them one better." "They're a huge chain, Ed." "We got very little cash to work with." "All we need is a little bit of promotion." "We can bring back the dancing leprechaun." "** [Irish jig]" "I don't think so." "Boy, that kid could really jig." "[Irish accent] You're always after me Lucky Charms." "No, I'm not." "Leave me alone." "Aye, beam me up, Scotty." "What is wrong with you, all right?" "Scotty's Scottish." "That's illogical, Captain." "Okay, that is Spock." "I can't wait for St. Patrick's Day to be over." "Hey, hey, hey." "At leastyour brother's got some spirit." "I'm gonna go take the high road." "Come on, let the kid dance." "It's in his blood." "I don't think so." "Mr. Finnerty, check out our float." "See, yeah, that's the kind of promotion we're after." "Do you guys need a sponsor?" "Yeah, that'd be great." "Hey," "I'll give you 50 bucks to put a Red Boot Pub banner on this thing." "Yeah, I don't know if it'll fit, though." "Yeah, sure it will, watch." "You just do it like this." "Oh, yeah, an 80-foot sign attached by a squiggle." "He'll work it out." "All right." "Done with the decorations." "Can I go home?" "Jimmy, gross." "It looks like they're doing each other." "Who cares?" "Hey, hey, I care, okay?" "It's St. Patty's Day." "Show a little spirit." "Customers are coming in 10 minutes." "They don't wanna see leprechaun-on-leprechaun action." "Hey, everybody, how's it goin'?" "Uh-oh, Jimmy." "Ow!" "What are you doing?" "Dude, you're not wearing any green." "I get to pinch you." "This is such a great holiday." "All right, Lily, let's get going." "Parade's about to start." "It starts in, like, two hours." "I know, but I'm a little anxious." "Why?" "It's just a stupid parade." "It is not just a stupid parade, okay?" "The stakes are high." "Very, very high." "And I haven't exactly had a lot of help." "Oh my God, I can't believe we're not having to pay to see this." "Please don't talk." "When I remember this moment later," "I don't want you to be in it." "You guys, get your head in the game." "What is this?" "Come on." "You're giving St. Patty a boob." "How's it coming, Brad?" "Oh, very well, Sister Helen." "Good." "You know, I hear St. Dominic's float this year has a waterfall and a human rainbow." "We're gonna blow them a-- Blow them away." "Good." "I want that trophy." "Show no mercy." "I've got my best men on it." "Panties, two o'clock." "Focus!" "Come on!" "We've got the pride of the entire school riding on this float." "Now come on." "I wanna run one more set of diagnostics before go time." "All right, let's go." "Ow!" "God!" "Hey, guys." "[Irish accent] Top o' the morning to ya." "Jimmy, don't forget you're taking Henry to the parade." "Okay?" "God, I hate St. Patrick's Day." "Whoa, hey, your great-grandfather went through hell coming over here from Ireland." "And he used to take me and Eddie to all the St. Patrick's Day parades." "That was a man who embraced his heritage, huh?" "Ah!" "We got great seats for the parades, huh, lads?" "It's a great day to be Irish!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "It's a magic, wee little person from Ireland." "Come here." "Come here." "Ah, give us a kiss." "[kissing] Grandpa, but there's nobody" "Shh!" "Let him be!" "Just let him be." "So the point is I come from a long line of psychotics?" "No, the point is it meant a lot to your great-grandfather to be Irish." "Hey, hey, St. Patty's Day wasn't always celebrated in this town." "When your great-grandfather first came here, there were signs in the windows that said, "Irish need not apply."" "But did that stop him from going after those jobs?" "No." "And you know why?" "Because he was illiterate." "Okay, damn right, but that's not the point." "The point is he fought to make a better life for himself and for his kids and their kids, like you, and you're not even wearing green, Jimmy." "Ouch." "Thank you, Claudia." "Eddie?" "Yeah." "Is that a T.J. Shenanigans uniform?" "Yep, you're looking at one of Shenanigans' certified fundamentalists." "It was for a good cause." "What cause?" "Reggie and I went undercover for some corporate espionage." "Hi." "Welcome to T.J. Shenanigans, where the fun never ends." "Can I start you off with a drink?" "How 'bout a pint of Irish ale, authentic Irish ale?" "Oh, you know what, Ed?" "We don't have any authentic Irish ale." "Are you serious, Reggie?" "Yeah." "If you want that, you have to go to the Red Boot Pub." "The Red Boot Pub?" "You mean that authentic Irish pub around the corner?" "That's the one." "Who knew?" "Sorry for the holdup." "It's been crazy around here today." "The Health Department gave us an "F"." "If you want sanitary, you go down the Red Boot Pub." "The authentic Irish pub around the corner?" "That's the one." "* Happy birthday Happy birthday Happy happy birthday *" "* Happy birthday Happy birthday Happy happy birthday *" "Hooray, hooray." "Here you go, your complimentary hot fudge "fun-dae"." "The authentic Irish pub around the corner?" "A little early, Reg." "Wow." "Did they make you do the "Shenani-grin"?" "And the T.J. Shuffle." "I'm not proud of it, but I do what I have to do." "[Sean] So." "Hey." "When's Reggie gettin' here?" "About that: we have a problem, Sean." "What?" "Reggie decided to stay at T.J. Shenanigans." "What?" "Why?" "Some crap about health insurance, and paychecks that clear." "What, so it's gonna be the two of us?" "I know." "It's not ideal." "No, it's St. Patrick's Day." "We can't do it with just the two of us." "All right." "I'm off to the library to study for my mid-term." "I have my cell on if you need me." "We need you." "What?" "Yeah, see, uh-- Reggie kinda flaked, and, uh-- and we really need you." "Oh, honey." "You have a backup, right?" "No." "No." "And it's just you're so-- wonderful, and you're so good at this stuff, and you're so pretty, and the customers love you so much-- and we're desperate!" "And it's St. Patrick's Day, and the crowds are comin' through any minute." "Can you please just stay and help us?" "Please?" "Please?" "How am I supposed to say no?" "You can't." "I just love you so much for saying yes." "I'm gonna go get the beer." "You owe me." "I know." "I know." "Big." "[Claudia] All right, Eddie." "Should I, uh" "Should I put out some pretzels?" "We don't have any pretzels." "Peanuts?" "No." "But that's a good idea." "[Sean, shouting] Hey!" "Did you bring in the beer?" "No." "There are no kegs out there." "Did the distributor come?" "I can't believe that guy!" "If he thinks he's gonna get that 2 grand we owe him now, he's nuts." "No." "Oh, God." "No." "No!" "No!" "No!" "[taps gurgle, dry] No!" "Oh, no no no no!" "Oh, thank god one of 'em works-- [tap blurps] [screaming] No!" "Damn it, Ed!" "We're screwed!" "No, we're not." "We're not screwed." "[crowd murmuring] Hey!" "Round o' beers!" "Now we're screwed." "[crowd conversing]" "Honey, you know all of these people are waiting for beer." "Don't worry." "I found a 12-pack." "[Claudia] Oh, great." "A 12-pack." "That should last us about 20 seconds." "Oh, no." "We're gonna stretch it out." "All right." "Whoo!" "Here you go." "All right." "Hmm!" "This beer tastes kind of funny." "That's the green." "Erin Go Bragh." "Good news." "Sean, we're in business." "All right!" "You found beer!" "I mean, more beer." "I had three of these things saved up in the back for a rainy day." "Ed, that's non-alcoholic beer." "I know." "It's not raining, either." "I'll tap it out." "Claudia, we got a situation in the ladies' room." "Code:" "Vomit." "Gee, that's a hard code to crack." "I was trying to be delicate." "Why don't you go take care of that and I'll man the bar." "No, no." "I'm not good at vomit." "And I am?" "You got three kids." "I know they must vomit." "Every time I go over to your house, I never see any, so I really respect that." "Gee, thanks." "No, thank you." "Hey!" "Jimmy, Henry." "How was the parade?" "It was awful." "I got pinched, and I got punched." "A guy in a wheelchair tried to bite me." "And we saw a policeman giving his horse beer!" "Really?" "Yeah." "The whole thing made me embarrassed to be Irish." "Ho!" "Never be embarrassed to be Irish." "Uh, Dad." "Not the drum." "It's not a drum, Jim." "It's a bodhran." "The kind your Irish ancestors played." "Come on, people!" "Gimme a clap!" "[clapping to bodhran]" "Jimmy!" "Jimmy, come back in here right now." "Dad, don't stop." "I was starting to feel it." "Eddie, I can't find the mop." "Here." "I-I don't know if you've ever examined a mop, but one of the nicer features is the long stick between the person and the vomit." "I'm familiar with the mop." "We had one three weeks ago, but it broke." "Didn't you buy a new one?" "It's on the list, all right?" "No, no." "That's not all right." "I don't want it on a list." "I want you to have a mop." "What's going on?" "We got a problem." "Code:" "Claudia." "Oh." "What is wrong?" "What is right?" "Really." "Would you look around you?" "This place is hopeless." "Baby, come on." "It's not that bad." "Are you serious?" "You are completely disorganized." "You don't pay your bills." "You don't have any employees." "No beer." "No mop." "And the only system you seem to have is to put the word "code" in front of things." "So we've made a few mistakes." "It's not easy running a bar." "Honey, you're not running a bar." "You are occupying a bar." "You know what?" "You have never been behind this place." "I have tried." "You need to face the facts." "You've put all of our money and all of your energy into this thing." "The only time I ever even see you is when you're paying the bills or we're fighting about the bills, and we are fighting a lot." "What am I supposed to do?" "Am I supposed to sell it and walk away?" "Yes!" "Let's just leave it behind." "It's time to move on." "I can't." "We are so close." "I can." "I can't sit here and watch you sink everything into this hopeless fantasy." "Hey, Claudia." "If you walk out that door, don't expect your job to be waiting for you here tomorrow." "God." "Don't worry about it, Sean." "So she doesn't want to be on the team." "Big deal." "This is what you and I have always wanted." "Yeah, this is our dream." "That's right." "We got a problem in the ladies' room." "Code:" "Vomit?" "Yeah." "Go clean up the dream." "Listen, it was never built for you to do what you were doing on it." "You mean dancing on the dance squad float?" "Hey, what happened?" "Aren't you guys supposed to be at the parade?" "The parade ended early for us." "[cheering, bagpipes, drumming]" "[horn honking]" "Come on!" "Let's pick up the pace!" "Sister Helen, you're getting pretty close to that bagpiper there." "They should march faster." "I want to get to the reviewing stand while the judges can still see straight." "[honking]" "Sister Helen, we're doing good." "Everyone loves us." "[thud] [squealing]" "Make it stop!" "Wait a minute." "St. Patrick was giving everybody the peace sign?" "Yeah, for a minute." "Oh, my God." "[crowd booing]" "Why are they booing?" "St. Patrick is down to one finger." "And it's the bad one." "Holy..." "What should we do?" "I'm outta here." "No!" "Wait, wait." "What?" "I can't be associated with this!" "But I'm not insured to drive this thing!" "The Lord will protect you." "** [bagpipe music]" "Boo!" "Boo!" "So St. Patrick flipped off the whole parade?" "It was Brad's fault." "You were the one who started pulling his fingers off." "I tried to pull off the middle one but it was made of steel." "That was the anchor finger." "Technically, it was brilliant." "What are you guys doing?" "Shhh!" "This guy's not checking IDs." "Dude, I am hammered." "Me, too!" "Ed, how's it going?" "So far, so good." "You're not serving Brad's friends beer, are you?" "What's the difference?" "It's non-alcoholic." "It's non-alcoholic?" "Shhh!" "You know what's weird?" "All these people are acting like they're drunk." "I told you." "It's the power of suggestion." "Hey, buddy!" "Hey, you, yeah." "You better not be driving." "Drunk bastard." "** [Irish jig]" "Ouch!" "What are you doing?" "You're not wearing green." "Fine." "Okay." "I got a shamrock now." "I'm in the club." "Happy?" "We can run around together pinching people 'cause they're not dressed like morons." "I'm wearing-- Ashley." "Hey, Jimmy." ""Kiss me, I'm Irish."" "Okay." "Sorry." "I'm a little buzzed." "Another round!" "Hey, Lily." "What?" "Listen." "I just want to tell you I'm sorry about the float." "That's okay." "Friends?" "Sure." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "What's goin' on, man?" "Hey, I don't know what I'm doing." "I'm drunk." "You're not drunk, you dork." "It's non-alcoholic beer." "Whoa!" "So we're not drunk?" "No." "Not at all." "What an interesting phenomenon." "[groans]" "Sorry, dude." "Had to be done." "Hey, that girl said this is non-alcoholic beer." "What?" "Hey, buddy." "Is this fake beer?" "I don't feel drunk." "What's that?" "You're slurring your words." "I'm cutting you off." "Hey." "This stuff is fake." "This is a rip-off, man." "What?" "It's" "Okay." "Okay, it's non-alcoholic beer." "[all groaning]" "Wait--Wait a minute." "Is St. Patrick's Day all about getting drunk?" "[All] Yeah!" "[Sean] No, it's not!" "What do you think?" "When St. Patrick was a little boy, his wrists were bound and he was dragged across the English Channel, you think he was drunk?" "He should have been!" "[All] Yeah!" "We should kick your ass!" "[All] Yeah!" "Hold on." "There's a good reason for this, and..." "And you should kick my ass if it wasn't for this reason" "We've got real beer, folks!" "[all cheering]" "I was just messin' with ya!" "Joke over." "Whoo!" "Happy St. Patty's Day." "You just saved my ass." "Yeah." "How much do you love me?" "I love you." "What happened to you?" "After our fight, I needed a drink." "A real drink." "Hi." "Welcome to T.J. Shenanigan's." "Hi." "Beer, please." "Fun size." "Hello." "Happy St. Patty's Day." "You coming from the parade?" "No, I'm coming from the Red Boot pub." "Whoa." "Good move coming over here." "That place is lame." "What do you mean?" "Those guys are losers." "[men laughing]" "Excuse me?" "They do not know what they're doing over there." "Those guys are pathetic." "They're pathetic?" "No, you are pathetic." "That's what I think." "Those guys might have a few problems at the Red Boot, but at least they believe in their place." "They take pride in it." "Those guys are following a dream." "What are you guys doing?" "Huh?" "Look at you." "There's an authentic Irish pub with history and character right around the corner." "But no." "You're sitting here in an ice cream parlor with a liquor license." "Paying nine bucks for something called a Banana Shenaquiri?" "You might as well be drinking at the airport." "Losers." "[clearing throat] Attention, please." "Everybody." "This place sucks." "You'd commit a felony for me?" "No, I did it for your stupid bar and your stupid dream." "Thanks, baby." "Thanks, Claud." "You didn't happen to steal a mop, did you?" "No." "Okay." "Wow." "When's the last time we did this?" "Made out on a giant saint?" "I tell you, it's been a while." "It's nice." "You know, baby, about the bar." "Really, if I had 6 months" "You can have as much time as you want." "Really?" "Yeah." "I love you." "You love the bar, so, I guess..." "No, no." "I still hate the bar." "But I love you." "And it's your dream." "I do have another dream." "Mm-hmm." "I think we just did your dream." "It's recurring." "Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc." "Burbank, CA"