"The Count's just offered me the throne." "That's treason, Count!" "Only so long as the King is alive!" "Seize him!" "Why did you do that?" "Because he's got Romana." "Look." "Stop!" "Let me go!" "Doctor!" "Take six men, mount up and follow the Count." "He'll be halfway to Castle Gracht by now." "You know, you almost have to admire the man." "Admire him?" "I should have killed him when he walked in here." "Flag of truce or no flag of truce." "You've got to admit, sir, it takes courage to walk in here, to distract our attention, while his men kidnap Miss Romana." "I mean, it takes nerve." "Nerve is one quality Grendel has never been short of." "Romana!" "Are you all right?" "I thought you'd escaped." "She had." "But I knew Your Majesty couldn't live without her, so I brought her back for you." "Why do you torment him?" "Now that's really most unfair, my dear." "I'm really quite hurt." "All I'm doing is to restore to His Majesty his bride-to-be." "What?" "You'll make a lovely couple." "What's his idea?" "Is it a joke?" "Oh, no." "Grendel doesn't joke about political power." "Then what's his plan?" "To become legal, rightful King of Tara." "You see, if you marry me, you automatically become queen." "But five minutes after the wedding, you would almost certainly be a widow." "He'd kill you?" "He would." "And the moment you're widowed," "Count Grendel, that well-known champion of widows and orphans, would step in and marry you, thus becoming consort of the rightful Queen of Tara." "And then it would be my turn for an unfortunate accident." "Precisely." "This is not wine, but vinegar!" "Fetch good wine, dog!" "Archimandrite!" "Welcome." "What is so urgent that I must leave my duties and hurry here like this?" "I'm sorry, Archimandrite, but there is a ceremony you must perform." "Here?" "What ceremony?" "A marriage." "Your own chaplain could have done that." "Not this marriage." "Why?" "Who is to be married and to whom?" "The King to the Princess Strella." "The King?" "Here?" "He has placed himself under my protection, Your Eminence." "Sadly, I have to tell you he is sick." "In fact, he's very near to death." "Oh, dear, dear, dear." "He did not look well at the coronation." "Not himself at all." "No." "I did note that, Archimandrite." "But near to death, you say?" "Indeed he is." "It would be as well if you stayed here." "I fear he will be in need of the funeral rites very soon after the wedding." "Oh, how sad." "Yes." "And after the funeral rites, there will be a second wedding for you to perform." "A second wedding?" "May I ask whose that will be?" "My own." "I shall be marrying the poor King's widow." "But surely, sir, we have a supply problem if we place our batches there." "But if we do what you're suggesting, we expose our left flank." "How long do you think the siege will last, Zadek?" "Hard to say." "The last siege of the Castle of Gracht" "went on for nearly two years." "Two years?" "We haven't got two years before Grendel kills both the King and Romana." "Anyway, looking at that plan, I say there's only one way into the castle." "What's that?" "If someone on the inside opens the main gate, and a group of our men, under the cover of darkness, take the guard by surprise." "That's hardly ethical." "Have you ever known Grendel abide by the rules of war?" "But who's going to open the gates?" "Me." "One man alone?" "No, no." "One man and his dog." "Come on, K9!" "Open." "Your Highness." "Grendel." "I have come to offer you one last chance to change your mind." "Never." "The Archimandrite is here, the King is here, it will be quite easy for you." "Grendel, I've told you already." "I will never marry you under any circumstances, and I will not marry the King under these circumstances." "Come, come, my dear." "Don't you want to be Queen?" "I know, Grendel, that as long as I refuse to marry the King, his life is safe." "And that matters to you?" "More than my own life." "For the last time, I will not go through any marriage under your roof." "You can kill me if you like." "Very well, my dear, I may just do that before long." "You have become dispensable, Princess." "Open." "How is he?" "Very weak." "Oh, what a shame." "I fear he's not long for this world." "Nonsense." "All he needs is some..." "I know exactly what he needs, my dear." "Just as long as he has the strength left for a little ceremony." "Never." "Do you hear me, Grendel?" "Never!" "What a pity." "Because I'm sure you wouldn't want to be the cause of Princess Strella's death, would you?" "What do you mean?" "Or you, my dear." "What are you saying?" "The princess." "The real princess, that is, is in the next dungeon." "For the moment she's quite safe." "If you harm her, Grendel..." "What!" "What can you do?" "Be quiet and listen to me!" "I had everything arranged before this girl and her friend interfered." "Madame Lamia was preparing a perfect android copy of the princess for you to marry." "You would've been married with full ceremony, and after your unfortunate death at her hands, she would've married me." "Now Madame Lamia is dead and the android can never be completed." "So, we need another bride." "If you think you can persuade me to marry anybody, you're wrong!" "Oh, but I do." "I'm sure you will!" "Because if you refuse, the princess will die very slowly." "Now what have you to say?" "Good." "I thought you'd see reason." "I shall return shortly." "Be ready." "All right, K9, let's go." "The old water gate should be right under the far wall." "I'm afraid the door must be a foot thick." "The timbers were intended to withstand any battering ram." "Don't worry, we'll manage." "You just make certain you're already charging the moment the gates are open." "Doctor, take this." "You may need it." "Too complicated for me." "We'll be waiting, Doctor." "Good." "Good luck!" "Is everything ready?" "Almost, master." "There must no hitches in any of the ceremonies tonight." "No, master." "Kurster, a word." "My lord." "Make sure our guards are alert." "You yourself watch everything." "At the first sign of trouble, get down to the dungeons and deal with the princess." "You understand me?" "I do, my lord." "I shall deal with the King myself." "I shall be nearby if you need help." "Ah, Archimandrite!" "Are you ready?" "I am." "Where are the happy couple?" "They are in their quarters." "I shall inform them we're ready and conduct them here myself." "Here we are, K9." "Here we are." "This must be it." "Affirmative, master." "This is the position marked on the plan." "Shh!" "Quiet." "Just start cutting." "Open." "Kurster." "Well, why so miserable?" "This should be the happiest day of your life." "It will also be your last, so you might as well enjoy it." "Remember, no trouble!" "Or the princess dies, that I promise." "Hear that, K9?" "Wedding bells or a funeral knell?" "Do hurry up!" "A hamster with a blunt penknife would do it quicker!" "You ordered me to make no noise, master." "Just get on with it." "Cheer up." "It'll all be over soon." "I'm sorry there's no bridal march, my dear." "Guard!" "After you." "About time, too." "Good." "You were right." "Now listen, there's bound to be lots of stairs in there." "You stay here and keep an eye on the boat." "I might have to bring the others out this way if anything goes wrong." "Affirmative, master." "And don't fall in the water." "I am familiar with boats, master." "You old sea dog, you." "Now don't forget, stand guard and be careful." "Be careful!" "Master?" "Shh!" "Both kneel." "Remember the princess." "Do you, Reynart, King of Tara, take this woman, the Princess Strella, to be your lawful wedded wife?" "Your Majesty?" "I do." "And do you, Strella, Princess of the Royal House of Tara, take this man, Reynart, King of Tara, to be your lawful wedded husband?" "No!" "Doctor!" "No, she doesn't." "Hello, everyone." "Sorry I'm late." "If there's something I always enjoy, it's a good wedding." "Isn't that true, Romana?" "Now listen." "Have you got to the bit where you ask them if there's any just cause why they shouldn't be joined..." "You seem to make a habit of interfering in my affairs, Doctor!" "Yes." "Yes, I do." "Well, you've done it for the last time!" "Stop!" "This is a solemn ceremony!" "Not any more, it isn't." "Leave him, leave him." "He's mine." "Defend yourself, sir." "I haven't brought my sword." "Well, I have no wish to kill a man without a weapon in his hand." "Here." "Till!" "Doctor, he's the best swordsman on Tara." "Is he?" "Do you know what you're doing?" "Good luck." "I shall give you a fencing lesson before you die." "En garde!" "You improve, Doctor." "Gate control!" "Where is it?" "He's done it!" "Come on!" "Who are you?" "Well, that's a very long story." "It's all over, Grendel." "That's Zadek and his men." "Listen!" "You might as well surrender now, eh?" "Surrender?" "You forget, Doctor, I'm a Gracht." "We never surrender!" "Next time I shall not be so lenient!" "Grendel, you forgot your hat!" "Ah, there you are." "Everyone all right?" "Thank you." "Doctor, I owe you my life." "How can I repay you?" "It was a pleasure to be of service." "Such swordsmanship." "I never thought I'd live to see the day when anyone would beat Count Grendel." "Really?" "Why, was he supposed to be good?" "He can jest after a fight like that." "Why not stay here?" "This castle and all its lands can be yours." "Anything you care to name." "That's a very kind offer, Majesty, but I have a pressing engagement on the other side of the galaxy." "Has anybody here seen Romana?" "She followed Kurster out." "Kurs..." "What?" "The Princess Strella!" "In the dungeons!" "Where?" "What?" "No!" "But there are so many different kinds of stitch." "It must take years to learn the art." "It's really only a question of patience and a certain delicacy of touch." "I'm sure you can manage it." "Go on." "That's right." "Very good." "Don't move!" "I said don't move!" "You must be Princess Strella." "No." "I'm Princess Strella." "How do you do?" "Delighted to meet you." "Romana?" "Right." "I'm so sorry to take your new friend away so soon, but we have some urgent business to attend to." "The segment!" "Right." "Strella!" "You're safe!" "And you're real." "Well?" "Doctor, it was in here somewhere." "It's disappeared." "Use the tracer." "Oh, right." "Ah!" "Very funny!" "You were very careless!" "I found it when I came in here." "Come on, let's go." "You know, I'll be quite sorry to leave Tara." "What?" "Sorry to leave Tara?" "I didn't even catch one fish." "Not one!" "Come on." "Doctor, talking of forgetting things, where's K9?" "Well, he..." "Where's K9?" "K9?" "K9!" "Master!" "Master!"