"I am taking you out." "Are you sure?" "(will) yep, absolutely." "You don't have plans with the wife and kid?" "Ha-ha." "Fiona's not my wife." "Marcus is not my kid." "Okay, well, you have to admit," "Your relationship with them is pretty odd." "Sometimes odd, sometimes quite normal." "And basically attacked me the other night." "Okay, well, that would go in the odd bin." " You know, will-- - you and me, Saturday night." "No distractions." "Okay?" " Okay." " No distractions." "Okay." "[quirky music]" "¶ ¶" "Oh, man." "My life used to be so simple." "[knock at door]" "I mean, come on." "Story?" "This is shell silverstein." "He's an emotional support turtle I've procured for marcus" "To help him get over his breakup with shea." "And before you make" "Some ridiculous, immature comment," "I would like to remind you that this horrific mess" "Is largely your fault." "Just because I bring clay along on a date" "Does not mean that that the whole-- [footsteps]" "Whoa, nellie." "Darling, why don't you have a snuggle off mr." "Shell." "I've tuned our ukes." "Now, what do you want to start with?" "Weshallovercome or amazing grace?" "I can't just sit by and watch this happen." "Marcus, you need to go back to school," "You need to hold your head up high," "And you need to show shea and the rest of the world" "That you're super fine without her." "Maybe it is time for me to face society again." "I think we should do five or six verses of amazing grace" "And then see where that leaves us." "¶ amazing grace ¶" "I can see why you wanted to run away." "(fiona and marcus) ¶ how sweet the sound ¶" "This is torture for that guy." "[brett dennen's comeback kid (that'smydog)]" "¶ well, maybe it's the common curse ¶" "¶ maybe things get bad before they get worse ¶" "¶ I don't want to become someone ¶" "¶ who can't live up to what I already done, don't ¶" "¶ here comes a comeback ¶" "¶ the kid is back, is back on track ¶" "¶ and there goes my hero ¶" "¶ he's the underdog, he's coming out on top, and ¶ [cheers and applause] [quirky music]" "Psss, okay, I did not anticipate this." "I told you this was too soon." "[kids chatting]" "If this turns out badly, will, I blame you." " Oh, there we are." " Hold shell silverstein." "Good luck, darling." "¶ ¶" "Hey, where have you been the past few days?" "You know, just hanging and chilling." "I've been performing healing rituals in the love bubble" "With my mom, and if I'm to be totally honest with you," "We burned a lot of your stuff in effigy." "You're so weird, marcus." "[chuckles]" "Hey, so I got our tix for the dance." " Cool." " Hey, marv." "[quirky music]" "¶ ¶ [sighs]" "¶ ¶" "Hey, buddy." "Granted that this love in the air thing" "I still think it was a good idea that you came to school." "Will, my future has become crystal clear to me now." "Enough of this." "New plan, all right?" "No longer are we going into school" "Just hoping to blend in." "We are gonna go full makeover," "You're gonna go to that dance," "I think you may be confusing me for you, will." "You don't know this yet, marcus," "But your stock has gone way up." "You were just dating the cutest girl in school." "Every girl knows it." "So you are going to the dance," "You are going to bag a new babe," "And I am so excited about it" "That I'm gonna come along with you as your wingman." "Let's go get some tickets." "How did it go?" "It went great." "I'm gonna give marcus a nice little makeover," "I'm gonna take him to the dance," "And I'm gonna help him bag a new babe." " What?" " Now give me the keys." " I'm driving home." " What do you mean?" "I--no." " So this is why I should drive." " No, you're not driving." " Give me the keys." " No, I" "You are in no place" " Give me-- - just let go." " I'm gonna bite your finger." "[fiona shouts]" "Hey!" "So, what's going on here?" "Nothing, we're just having one of our little spats." " Yeah." " Hmm." "Just like an old married couple." " Get in the car." " I'm not getting in the car." "(will) just get in the car." " And get in the car!" " Let me out." "Five seconds!" "What's going on?" "She gonna be okay in there?" "Just crack a window!" "Crack a window." " [whining] - she's fine." "[groans]" "Well, I can see you're a little busy..." " No, no." " At the moment." "So, I'll just see you on Saturday." "Yeah, I'll s" "Saturday." "(liz) is there a problem?" " There is, isn't there?" " No." "And I'm willing to bet" "That it is marcus and fiona related." "No, there's no problem." "Just shh." "It's not a problem at all." "Here's the deal." "I was thinking, instead of going out to dinner," "What if we went to the love is in the air dance... [laughs] what?" "You want to take me to a middle school dance?" "Yeah, well, you know, you told me you never had" "A prom experience," "But instead, just have, like, an awesome time together." "You can have the prom experience you never had." "I'm gonna pick you up at 7:00 in a limo at your house," "And we're going, okay?" " Are you sure?" " Yeah." "Just you and me, right?" " It's the gonna be the-- - [chuckles]" "It's gonna be the best prom experience ever." "[chuckles]" "Okay." "[sighs]" "You bastard." "We barely had enough oxygen to breathe in there..." " Cracked window right there." " Shell and I." "Ridiculous statement." "We have decided" "That we are going to be chaperones," "Shell and I, for this dance." "You are not going to the dance." "Soon as I find out if it is all right to bring" "A license-pending therapeutic turtle." "Ridiculous." "¶ I'm bringing all my hat tricks ¶" "¶ I'm using sleight of hand ¶" "¶ bounce back like I'm elastic ¶" "¶ I feel good, I'm feeling grand ¶" "¶ I pull out from out my sleeve now ¶" "¶ flowers and handkerchiefs ¶" "¶ I win crowds and take a bow now ¶" "¶ I give you just what you need ¶" "¶ in the spotlight, in the spotlight ¶" "¶ in the spotlight, in the spotlight ¶" "¶ I make the stars shine, make the stars shine ¶" "¶ I make the stars shine ¶" "¶ hey ¶" "¶ I got the magic ¶" "¶ yeah, I'm the ace ¶" "¶ in the pack ¶" "¶ I said hey ¶" "¶ I bring the magic ¶" "¶ 'cause we all ¶" "¶ need some of that, need some of that, yeah ¶" "Is she walking towards me?" "¶ ¶ [record scratches]" "Is that your baby?" "She is so adorable." " Thank you." " I am practically" "This little miracle's uncle." "Oh, wait, you're marcus, right?" "You and shea are, like, together?" "We were, but then she dumped me for a" "Marcus has moved on from shea." "Oh, that's too bad." "Actually, technically, he's avail" "For the dance on Saturday night, right, bud?" "Oh, cool." "Well, you know, I'm available, too." "You hear that, buddy?" "She's available too." "Marcus?" "What's going on?" "Snap out of it." "(andy) snap out of it." "Excuse us for one sec." "Dude, are you going into a fugue state?" "I don't know." "Part of going into a fugue state" "Is not knowing when you're going into one." "Listen to me." "Open up your entire nervous system" "And just repeat whatever words" "You hear me saying, okay?" "Okay." " I'd be honored..." " I'd be honored..." "If you'd go to the love is in the air dance with me." "If you'd go to the... ¶ ¶" "The... ¶ ¶" "I'm sorry." "But I'd be doing you wrong by taking you to this dance." "That's way off book." "Way off book." "My heart is already spoken for." "It is owned by shea garcia-miller," "And I have to go to this dance alone" "To win back my love." "Jerk." "And your baby isn't even that cute." "[scoffs]" "Wha--huh?" "Well, you smell like poo." " That's the baby." " That is the baby." "Okay, where's a changing table in this place?" "Well, you've really bungled this one, haven't you?" "Because of you, my little boy" "Has to go to this dance ostensibly alone." "Okay, I've bungled nothing." "I was about to get him a date," "And he went fugue on me, and then he went rogue." "Listen to me, and listen very carefully." "Tonight I am off duty, okay?" "I need to salvage my relationship with liz." "So bring marcus's cloak, your turtles, your ukes" "Whatever it is you need." "Tonight, you are on marcus duty." "Thank you very much and good day." "Oh, my god, will." "I just looked out the window." "You got me a limo to make a grand entrance" "Leading up to my grand gesture to win back shea!" "I did not." "Wait, he wants to win back shea?" "Yeah, in my limo." "Come on!" "Oh." "Hey, oh, marcus." "There..." "Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "[chuckles]" "Uh..." "How do I explain this?" "(fiona) hold on, darling." "Listen." "You are a wonderful person," "And I'm just not sure that shea has the maturity" "To appreciate that just yet." "I want to take that chance." "I need to take that chance." "Thank you so much for doing this for me, will." "It means the world to me." "[sobs]" "Oh!" "I've never been in a limo." "There's chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne." "I knew I was right to take some of this fabric." "Let's roll." "¶ ¶" "Liz is gonna kill me." "[pop rock music playing]" "¶ ¶" "¶ tonight ¶" "There she is." "There's my love." "¶ ¶" "Oh, hang on, look." "It's all-- it's all falling down." "Here, you want to be careful that that doesn't stick her" "If she gets all snuggly or anything." "[clears throat] hi." " Hey." " Oh." "Great, so you brought fiona to the dance instead of me?" " No, no, no, no, no, no, no." " I was just fixing his thing." "I don't really need to hear anything from you right now." "Whoa." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "I'm--I'm gonna go inside and chaperone." "Liz, I can explain." "I can explain." "[sighs] you know, in the beginning," "I sensed that whatever was going on" "Between you and marcus and fiona was weird," "But you insisted that it wasn't, so I trusted you." "Believe me, it is not what it looks like." "It looks like you had a choice to make." "Me or marcus and fiona." "And once again, you chose them." "Marcus is devastated." "Your son, clay, stole shea." "Oh, my gosh, they're kids, will." "They break up, and then they get back together," "And then they break up again." "It's what they do." "Look, I care about marcus, okay?" "And I'm not ashamed to say it." "Yeah, well, will, I have a son, too." "What's gonna happen when we get more serious?" "Are you going to put marcus in front of clay every time, too?" "No, no, of course not." "And what's the deal with fiona?" "How long are you gonna have to put up with that?" "She's clearly a very needy, damaged," "Borderline psychotic woman." "Whoa, no, no." "She's frustrating and nutty and, like..." "And annoying." "She's very, very annoying." "But she's a good mom, and she's my friend," "And, listen, like" "I care about you so much," "But just don't say stuff like that about her." "That's not gonna get us anywhere." " Oh, wow." " Listen to me." " [laughs] - what?" "That just pretty much says it all." "Will, I'm done." "We are done." "I'm a flexible person," "But if I'm gonna go out with someone," "I cannot be their last priority." "You're not my last priority." "Of course I am." "No." "[somber music] [car door opens and closes] [dance music playing]" "¶ ¶" "Uh-oh." "¶ ¶" "Hey, marcus." "Good evening, shea." "Might I speak to your date for a moment?" "Okay." "Thank you." "¶ ¶" "Sir, I'm going to do you a greater service" "Than you have done me by letting you know" "That I shall be taking your woman this evening." "If you'd like to leave now, I understand." "What?" "¶ ¶" "Good evening, shea." "More to come." "¶ ¶" "That kid is so weird." "So weird." "¶ ¶" "Did you confiscate that off middle schoolers?" "I can't believe they're bringing hard liquor" "Everything all right with liz, was it?" "She seemed a bit miffed." "Oh, did she?" "Did she seem a bit miffed?" " Yeah." " She dumped me." "Oh." "And I liked her, you know?" "I liked her a lot, fiona." "So, thank you." "Thank you so much." "I hope you're bloody well not trying to blame me." "How--how could I not?" "She literally said you were the reason." "Sorry." "I mean," "And I think you're upset, so perhaps the best thing" "That we could do is some ujjayi yoga breathing." "Ujjayi?" "No-jayi!" "No memory hole." "No tempeh." "No herbal tea." "Do you understand something?" "I had a great life, fiona." "I had a wonderful life." "I loved it." "I woke up at noon every day." "My best part of my day was figuring out" "Which of the many girls at my disposal" "That I got to bring home for the night." "And then you come along," "And you just ruin everything." "It's like, I can't even man a grill" "When I want to man a grill." "I'm building tree houses." "Your insane, penguin-obsessed ex-husband comes over," "And he's staying in my place and in my bed--naked." "You take out my crazy stalker ex-girlfriend to tea," "And then she sues me." "I, like, don't now have any money." "So just..." "Here's the deal." "You stay on your side of the dumbwaiter" "From now on, get it?" "You have ruined my life." "[party music]" "¶ ¶" "Did you ever think for a second" "That maybe you ruined my life?" "That marcus and I were completely happy" "Before you showed up and started feeding him red meat and sugar," "Things that I have never condoned nor ever will." "Or do you think I enjoy the fact that you," "A man who has accomplished precisely nothing with his life," "Is my son's primary male role model?" "You made him think you cared about him." "You were just looking out for yourself, will." "You took your girlfriend's son on marcus's date" "Because it was what was best for you." "Oh, yeah, okay." "You want to go back to your shallow life" "Of sleeping till noon and your bagels" "And shagging girls who are 15 years too young for you" "Yes!" "Yes." "I want that." "How many times do I have to tell you?" " I want that back." " Okay, good!" "Have it back." "Stay away from us." "Stay away from marcus." "Stay away from me." "Stay out of our love bubble, okay?" "No problem." "¶ ¶ [microphone feedback]" "Excuse me, everybody." "May I have your attention?" "[crowd murmuring]" "My name is marcus bowa." "I'm a seventh grader," "And I have something very important to say." "[quirky music]" "To be holding that turtle right now." "All my life, people have told me I'm weird," "But you're the first person who meant it in a good way." "I realize I'm not like the typical guy you'd date." "The guy before me has a goatee and shreds the guitar." "I can neither grow facial hair nor barely lift a guitar," "But my uke skills are-- they're rapidly improving." "But I digress." "And then there's clay." "I get it." "You're cool." "You're too cool for this dance." "But I'm not afraid to look uncool" "If it means I get to spend time with you, shea." "And I don't need headphones because I would never want to" "Shut out your melodious voice." "I would never want to shut out anything about you." "Because you're perfect." "People say you don't find the love of your life at 12," "But I did." "And her name is shea garcia-miller." "(crowd) aw." "[applause] [quirky music]" "¶ ¶" "Shut up, pasty." "You're embarrassing me." "¶ ¶" "(crowd) aw." "[cheers and applause]" "¶ ¶" " That was so beautiful." " Mm-hmm." "Did you tell him to say that?" "Did you write that speech for him?" "That was all marcus, swear to god." "I cannot believe him." "I know." "I cannot believe our boy." "You know, I probably shouldn't have said" "Some of the things I said to you before." "[gentle guitar music]" "I've seen marcus grow more" "Since we moved in next door to you." "And some of that..." "Or a lot of that is due to you." "And it's not just marcus." "I mean, I've grown." "I never would have had the courage" "To go after chris or go after something I wanted." " You know..." " Mm-hmm." "Do something for myself like that." "Yeah." "Well, if I'm being, you know, honest with you, fiona," "I--you know, you and marcus definitely didn't ruin my life." " Oh, good." " Quite the opposite, yeah." "No, I, like-- honestly, I feel like" "I used to-- I don't know," "Just coast or I-- I was kind of shut down or" "I don't know." "And now I think I just," "You know, feel more..." "Like, I-- I don't know." "I just feel more." " Really?" " Yeah." "[laughter]" "I do." "You're a good man, will." "¶ ¶" "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god, what the hell was that?" "Gross." "No." "No!" " Ugh, yeah." " That was so gross." "That was definitely the alcohol there, wasn't it?" "Definitely, and we just need to forget that that happened." " Please?" " Yeah, it's forgotten." " Okay." " [clears throat]" "Although it does bear some analysis." "It does, 'cause freud said in his introduction to psychology" "Please don't do this." "Please don't do this." "This bears nothing." "It bears nothing." "There was a very interesting case study in 1937." "Henrik and ludmila" "I'm begging you-- I'm begging you to shut up." "[alabama shakes' youain'talone]" "¶ oh ¶" "¶ if you gonna cry ¶" "¶ come on ¶" "¶ cry with me ¶" "¶ oh ¶" "¶ if you gonna cry ¶" "¶ come on ¶" "¶ oh, cry with me ¶" "¶ ¶" "¶ oh ¶" "¶ yeah ¶" "¶ ¶" "¶ you, you ain't alone ¶" "¶ just let me be ¶" "¶ your ticket home ¶" "¶ you, you ain't alone ¶" "¶ just let me be ¶" "¶ your ticket home ¶" "¶ ¶" "¶ you ain't alone ¶" "¶ just let me be ¶" "¶ your ticket home ¶" "¶ ooh, you, you ain't alone ¶" "¶ just let me be ¶" "¶ your ticket home ¶" "¶ you, you ain't alone ¶" "¶ just let me be ¶ [dog barks]"