"âª My eyes are gettin' weary âª âª My back is gettin' tight âª âª I'm sittin' here in traffic âª âª on the Queensboro Bridge tonight âª" "âª But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do âª âª is cash my check and drive right home to you âª" "âª 'Cause, baby, all my life âª âª I will be drivin' home to you âª" " Hi, man." " Hey." "What's with the bag?" "I'm thinking about joining that new gym that opened up down the block." "Oh." "Yeah." "You know, if I can get someone to join with me, we get a half-off membership." "I would, but I'm still working on the "before" picture." "Palmer, Heffernan, get in here." "What's he want to see us for?" "I don't know." "Oh, you know what?" "I dropped a package, and I signed your name on the incident report, but that doesn't explain why he wants to see me." "Sir, before you lay into Palmer about the broken package," "I want you to know it wasn't him." "It was me." "You see, my wife, she's got, uh, bladder issues." "Um, you may not know this, but, well, over the last couple of years," "I developed a little bit of a drinking problem." "Really?" "Get out of here." "Yeah, and, well, apparently at the company picnic last weekend," "I crossed the line with a couple of the wives." "Hey, who didn't, man?" "It's a picnic." "Whoo!" "The thing is, the legal department and I have decided that tomorrow, I'm gonna check myself into a rehab center just outside of Syracuse." "Nice." "I got a sweatshirt from Syracuse." "I'd loan it to you, but it's a double XL." "It probably wouldn't fit." "You know what?" "I have an old Oneonta sweatshirt that my... sorry." "They have asked me to pick somebody to fill in while I'm on vacation, and, well, since you two are the senior drivers, whichever one of you wants it, I don't care." "I got to go write my name in all my underwear." "So, uh, how are we gonna decide this?" "Here's one way." "I don't want to do it." "Okay." "Great." "All right." "But you know I got to tell Kelly about this, and she's gonna tell Carrie." "Oh, right." "Her." "I just know how she's always on you to make more of yourself." "Yeah." "She's still pushing that rock up that hill." " You know what?" " No, man." "I'm my own man, okay?" "I'm not taking orders from her." "I'll do what I want." "If I don't feel like doing it, I ain't doing it." "You sure?" "Absolutely, Mr. Supervisor." "I'm going to take a nap now." "Don't be a jerk about that." "I just got a call from Mr. Kaufman's assistant." "She wants to make sure all the secretaries are here." "Really?" "Why?" "I think they're giving us gifts for all the hard work we did on the East Side project." "Oh, I wonder what." "You know, over at Bader and Nash, they closed a huge deal, and all the assistants got cars." "Dawn, we're not getting cars, honey." "Although the partners did make, like, a kajillion dollars on this deal." "Actually, didn't Mr. Kaufman say in the memo that he appreciated our drive?" " Yes, he did!" " Yeah." "Oh, my God." "Could you imagine if we got cars?" "I wonder if we get to pick the color." "I'm feeling lightheaded now." "Oh, my God." "Hey." "What's this?" "Just a thank-you from Mr. Kaufman for everyone's hard work." "What is this?" "Soap?" "And lotion." "Made from mustard seeds." "Congratulations!" "Okay, you know what?" "I'm seeing a lot of tissue paper here and not a lot of car keys." "What did this cost him..." "like, 10 bucks?" "I think this stuff is from that hotel we're tearing down." "What?" "They got it for free?" "I kind of like it." "It'll feel like I'm staying in a fancy hotel right in my own apartment." "I can't believe that." "I mean, this is like getting nothing." "This is like a slap in the face." "Oh, ladies." "I see you got your gift baskets." "Got 'em and love 'em." "Hey, baby." "What smells like mustard?" "My bonus." "Quick thing." "Today I had a chance to become a temporary supervisor, but I told Deacon he should take it." "Okay." "You understand that this could be a permanent thing, but I like driving, and I ain't doing it." "Doug, look, I know all you want to be is a driver." "I'm okay with it." "Oh, I get what you're doing." "A little reverse psychology thing." "You say all I can be is a driver, and I say, "Oh, I'll show her."" "But you know what?" "It didn't work when Roge tried it on Rerun, and it ain't gonna work on me." "Doug, a little story." "Sit." "Sit." "Remember a couple of months ago I sent you to that investment seminar in the city?" "Yeah." "I wanted you to learn a little bit about managing money and investing in our future." "What did you come back with?" "Some kittens." "Kittens." "That's all right, baby." "While I was driving around trying to find them homes," "I realized, you know what?" "Nothing good has ever come from me pushing you." "You are who you are, and I'm okay with it." "Really?" " Yeah." " Were there some tears?" "Sure." "Did I look into an one-way ticket to Miami?" "Absolutely." "But you know what?" "I made my peace with it, and I'm okay with it." "I'll show her." "Good morning, ladies." "Good morning." "Question." "Are any of your husbands mechanics?" "I can't figure out the seat warmers on my new Bentley." " No." "Sorry." " Sorry." "I can't help you." "Well, someone got a new car." "You know what I'd like to do?" "I'd like to go over there and say," ""Yeah, you know why you have a half-million-dollar car?" ""Because of us." ""Now you want your seat warmed?" "Why don't you sit on those cheap-ass candles you gave us?"" "Uh, pardon me, ladies." "I never get my own coffee." "Which one is the decaf?" "Oh, it's the one on the right, sir." "You know, sir, maybe if you got your own coffee once in a while, you'd know which was which." "Excuse me?" "Maybe you'd understand what we go through around here." "We worked really, really hard on that last project, and what did we get?" "Stinky baskets." "So if you want your seat warmed, why don't you sit on those cheap-ass candles you gave us?" "What is your name?" "Dawn Morgan." "Bye, Dawn." "Well, Miss Morgan, you're absolutely right." "I have been so busy with the new car and getting the summer house ready," "I guess I had forgotten the people who made all this possible." "Thank you, Dawn, for speaking your mind." "That took moxie, and that's exactly the kind of thing we need around here." "You're going places, young lady." "Crap." "Morning." "Hey, man." "Uh, what are you doing?" "Oh, you know what?" "I decided I want to be fill-in supervisor after all." "What?" "Yeah." "You know what Carrie said to me last night?" "She said she accepts me for who I am." "Well, I'm sure that must have hurt, but I'm all set up here." "Oh?" "Well, hey, maybe we could do the job together." "Two heads are better than one, right?" "Well, theoretically, but..." " Here you go." " All right!" "Whoo!" "What a rush." "Ha ha ha!" "Yep, making it work." "Making it work." "What have you got there?" "Some time cards?" "Float me some of those bad boys." " Give me some." " All right." "I'll work on that." "Okay." "Oh, I just need this thing here." "Sorry." "Here we go." "What's the matter?" "The numbers ain't adding up?" "No." "Did you have any idea Gomez's middle name was Eugene?" "It doesn't fit." "Okay, you know what?" "Time cards is more of an one-man job, so..." "What do you want me to do?" "Um, I'm sure we got something around here that you might be right for." "Okay, now, this is all wrong." "We need a smoother transition from salty to sweet," "And you know what?" "Lose the raisins." "It's just making the guys angry." "This is the stuff they always order." "Okay, hey." "New sheriff in town, all right?" "Now, who do I talk to about a carving station?" "Everything's looking good." "I synchronized all the clocks and I spoke to the janitor." "First thing Monday, new urinal cakes." "Good work." "[ knock on door ]" "Yeah?" "Oh, hey, Wally." "I'm really sorry about the late deliveries this morning." "The bridge was closed." "It's okay." "Just remember, next time, radio in, and we'll give you an alternate route." "Will do, sir." "And thanks for being cool about it." "Not a problem." "And listen, call me Deacon." "Sure." "Hey, I'm cool with it, too." "Uh-huh." "Call me Doug." "Hey, uh, they know I'm supervisor, too, right?" "They don't know that you're not." "[ ring ]" "Excuse me." "Palmer here." "No, no." "They have to be out by 3:00." "All right, look, just start loading them up." "All right, bye." "Got trouble on the loading dock?" "You want me to get into it?" "Nah." "I got it." "Just don't..." "Oh, Deke's not here?" "I'll come back." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "I'm supervisor, too." "What's up?" "I was just looking for my route assignment." "Oh, right..." "no problem." "[ mumbling ]" "There you are." "You're going to Jersey." "Jersey?" "Yeah, that's right, New Jersey." "I don't usually do runs out of state." "Oh, you don't usually do runs out of state?" "You're going to Jersey." "So you're really moving to the 19th floor?" "Yeah." "And all because I blew up at Mr. Kaufman." "I don't even know where all that stuff came from." "I think I do." "Anyway, they're having a pizza party for me upstairs, so...gotta scoot." "I'm really, really gonna miss you guys." "Aw, aren't you just made of sugar." "Here, let me help you." "Uh, Mr. Kaufman." "Yes, Carrie." "Listen, I just want to tell you that we worked really hard on that project, and all we got was some stupid gift baskets." "So if you want your seats warmed, why don't you sit on those cheap-ass candles you gave us." "Yeah." "You're just repeating what Dawn said this morning." "Dawn talked to you?" "I believe you were right there." "Oh, no, that wasn't me." "You know, all us white girls look alike." "Ha ha!" "What's going on?" "All right, look, all that stuff that Dawn said to you came from me." "What?" "I said it first." "All right, behind your back, but it was all me." "Not her, me." "That may be true, Carrie, but she's the one who had the moxie to say it to my face." "But it was my moxie." "She stole my moxie." "Excuse me." "I have a long drive to the Island, so..." "Look, Mr. Kaufman, I really do have moxie." "Okay, look, I can say stuff to your face." "You're bald." "Try fat and bald." "Mmm-hmm." "And you know what?" "I steal stuff." "Not little things like our pens... big stuff." "Moxie?" "Carrie, stealing is a fireable offense." "The kind of fireable offense you've been needing around here?" "Again, I apologize." "You'll get your shipment first thing in the morning." "Okay." "What are you doing route assignments for?" "Just putting the 'co' in co-supervisor." "Why?" "What's up?" "You sent out 4 parts of a tv stand in 4 different trucks." "Well, the president and the vice president never travel in the same plane together, so..." "Next question." "Okay, how about explaining why nobody north of Hillside Avenue got their packages today?" "All right, Negative Nellie, what about south of Hillside?" "Oh, they got packages, just the wrong ones." "I tell you, this co-supervisor thing just ain't working out for me." "What are you trying to say?" "I'm saying you suck and I want you out of here." "Okay, well, I'm not going anywhere, and you know what?" "Now I think of it, you're out of here." "You go, go." "All right, fine, we got to figure out some way to settle this." "Fine." "Let's have a staring contest." "We're talking about our careers." "I'm not gonna have this whole thing decided..." "You blinked!" "You blinked!" "I won!" "Get out." "There was no staring contest." "There absolutely was." "I suggested it." "You locked in." "It was on." "Not a person in the world would disagree with me." "All right, fine." "You know what?" "You're supervisor." "Have fun with it." "Great." "I will be." "Thanks for being a part of the team." "You're a good man." "Moron." "Call me Doug." "[ buzz ]" "Yo." "Hey, it's Danny." "I think there's something wrong with the route you gave me." "You take 95 south to route 27." "I don't think I can go any further, you know?" "It looks a little dangerous." "Maybe I should just turn around and start heading back." "Whoa, whoa." "Guy, you're an I.P.S. driver." "Sometimes that means putting your life on the line." "I don't think it does." "Look, now is a bad time for you to come back here and embarrass me in front of Deacon, so just drive, dammit." "Fine!" "Because I'm the one who said it first, so I deserve the office." "I mean, if you can't see that, then you're just a freaking idiot." "Hey." "Call your mom." "Okay." "So, did you, uh, you ever done it with a supervisor before?" "Hmm?" "When I worked at Shoe Town." "And Beverage Barn." "And then..." "Okay, you know what?" "I was just trying to be cute." "Wasn't looking for an actual answer." "But you are looking at the new I.P.S. supervisor." "And all you thought I was gonna be was a driver, right?" "That's gotta sting." "Actually, it doesn't." "It couldn't come at a better time because I mouthed off to my boss today and I think I might lose my job." "What?" "I might lose my job." "What?" "Yeah, I sent all the drivers off in different directions, and I left my log book at a Denny's, and I don't even know which Denny's." "I'm so fired." "No, baby, come on, it was your first day." "You'll get better." "Really think so?" "No." "You're such an idiot." "You screwed up at work, too!" "Not as bad as you." "So, then why don't you go back to your Shoe Town supervisor." "Ah, he's gay now." "Yeah, gee, I wonder why." "All right, come on." "Now, let's not turn on each other just yet here, okay?" "All right, all right." "All right, now let me think here." "Now, how much does management upstairs know?" "I don't think very much at all 'cause I don't return their calls." "Okay, that's good, that's good." "So here's what you're gonna do." "First thing tomorrow, you're gonna convince Deacon to be supervisor." "And by the time they realize how screwed up everything is," "Deacon will be there to take the fall." "You can't do that." "Deacon will get fired." "Nah, they won't fire him." "He's a minority." "All right, and as for me," "I gotta do whatever it takes to keep my job." "And I do mean whatever it takes." "You okay with that?" "I assumed you'd been doing that all along, so yeah." "You wanted to see me, supervisor?" "Yeah, Deke, listen," "I've been thinking, and, uh, you're the guy who deserves to be sitting back here." "Oh, yeah?" "You won the staring contest." "The truth is I blinked first." "But you couldn't tell because I have very fast blinking." "I'm doing it right now." "Can you see?" "No, 'cause it's that fast." "Anyway, congratulations." "You got an angry call on line 3." "You think I'm that stupid?" "All right, it was all Carrie's idea." "Well, you can tell her I'm not gonna get fired for your screw-up." "You're not gonna get fired." "You're a minority." "What?" "Also Carrie." "She's unbelievable." "Oh..." "Hey, Wallach!" "Yes, sir?" "Listen, guy, I've been watching you since you started on Monday." "And I gotta tell you, you got the right stuff." "I got a little proposal for you." "I'm not taking your job." "Fine!" "Send Danny in!" "Danny's not here." "No one's seen him since yesterday." "Bobby!" "Mr. Kaufman." "Listen, I want to apologize for everything I said." "My husband's having bladder problems." "Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I am very happy here and I hope you allow me to continue to be an asset to this company." "You know, Carrie, I was quite put off with your behavior yesterday, but then I started to think, that actually took moxie." "Really?" "But this pathetic display of insincere groveling proves to me I was wrong." "You don't have a trace of moxie." "[ bell rings ]" "So...anyways, my father is lying sprawled out on the floor in front of my mother." "I said, "Are you okay, Dad?"" "He says, "Yeah, but I'm not your..."" "[ knock on door ]" "It's open." "This a good time?" "What the hell are you doing here?" "I just need a little help with the supervisor thing." "Wait." "You're supervisor?" "******You said a baboon could do it." "I did?" "I must have been out of it." "I guess so." "Yikes." "Anyway, you want to come back?" "No can do." "Turns out Patrick C. O'Boyle is a pretty broken bird." "Can you at least give me some advice?" "The stress is killing me." "How do you deal with everything?" "You say you didn't get the insulin." "My tracker report says you did." "So I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree now." "Okay?" "You be good." "Hey." "What are you doing home?" "Ahh..." "I got suspended." "Me, too." "You're drinking?" "It's 2:00 in the afternoon." "Aw, get off my back, woman." "Is that whiskey?"