"Hi, there." "This is my first ever video diary, based on the book that I accidentally dropped into the bathtub." "It's okay." "This was pretty sad." "Anyways, this is the story of the new Kimmie Boubier." "Yeah, you know, now that I've got promoted at the firm, people are really seeing that I'm a completely responsible, professional person." "In romantic news," "I've actually met a really great English guy named Richard." "I think he really likes me, too." "Although I've been playing it pretty, pretty cool." "Right..." "Oh!" "I forgot the files." "You wait here." "I'll be right back." "Oh, okay." "Kimmie?" "Mmm." "This is a really good smoothie." "Okay, well, talk later..." "I better get back to the nightly grind." "Mouth guard in..." "Beep!" "Beep!" "Beep!" "Kimmie out." "♪ Don't stop me now ♪" "♪ I'm having such a good time ♪ ♪ Good time ♪" "♪ I'm having a ball ♪ ♪ Super fun night ♪" "♪ Don't stop me now ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm havin' a good time ♪" "♪ I don't want to stop at all ♪" "♪ Super fun night, super fun night ♪" "Okay, we've all put in our suggestions, so let's just all agree whatever I pick, that is where we're going for our... super fun night." "Oh, man." "I feel like I'm at the freakin' Oscars." "No questions asked." "No chickening out." "Okay." ""Singing at a piano bar."" "Okay, maybe the second thing that I pick is gonna be a much better option." ""S... " Who put "singing at a piano bar" in twice?" "I did." "I thought a piano bar would be a safe place." " It's full of gay men." " Uh, guys..." "What about my stage fright?" "♪ When will my reflection show ♪" "♪ Who I am inside?" "♪" "Brittany Bernardi!" "Beat that, Boubier." "And now, Kimberley Boubier." "I fainted..." "And then wet myself." "Kimmie, I know that was traumatic." "But the rule was whatever we pick is where we have to go and following rules is the only thing that separates us from animals." "Uh, that's not true." "What about... using wallets?" "You just got lawyered." "I think maybe Helen-Alice is right..." "Rules are rules." "And we're never gonna bust out of our cocoons" " if we don't put our busts out there." " Nice metaphor." "And we can just go to the piano bar and not sing." "Other people can sing, and we can be like..." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, that feels right." "Oh." "Eh, ah!" "All right, there." " Oh, hi, Kimmie." " Hi, Derrick." "How's your new promotion going?" "Are you, uh, enjoying life on the 28th floor?" "Yeah." "It's great." "Don't forget about your old chums on the 9th... you know, me and Francis and Rajesh and Shelly." "Yeah." "Oh, what about Terri?" "Forget about Terri." "She's dead to us now." "Why?" "What did she do?" "She died." "Oh, um..." "Well..." "This is... this is you." "Oh." "I'm so glad to finally meet you, Richard." "So, tell me..." "Are all of the rumors I've heard about you true?" "Were you really the party boy of the London office?" "Me?" "Yes, well, I was able to pass the bar, but unable to pass a bar on the way to work." "I'm a changed man now, though." "Very serious." "I see." "You've got quite a reputation yourself, Kendall." "People around here call you "Attorney the Hun,"" ""the Grizzly Barrister,"" ""Dracu-Lawyer,"" ""Mean Bitch Lady."" "Let's have dinner one night this week, and you can find out." " This better be for real!" " Boubier!" " What's the rush?" " Oh, Gary just tweeted that there are jelly doughnuts in the break room." "Uh, Kimmie, I'd like you to meet Kendall Quinn." "Oh, yes." "Um, hi, Kendall." "I was at that seminar you gave on due diligence last fall." "I'm sorry." "I don't remember." "During one of the breaks, I was the girl who got her hand stuck in a vending machine." "Oh, right." "How is your hand?" "Ugh." "All good... in the hood." "Well, we probably should go, and, uh, investigate the jelly-doughnut situation." "Indeed." "Sources say there's also a birthday cake" " dropping at noon." " At noon?" "Oh, well, you've got time, because it's only..." "Oh, two minutes." "Mm-hmm." "Nice to meet you, Kendall." "Is, um, something going on between those two?" "I can't tell." "He might just be trying to keep it quiet." "I've been there." "You get a big one on the leash, you want to keep it on the D.L." "Well, whatever." "I don't care." "Yeah, you do." "That's the boss' son." "Hey, Kimmie!" "Oh, hi." "So, you and Richard certainly have a lot of fun." "How long have you two been dating?" "What?" "Oh, God..." "Oh, God, no..." "Richard and I are not..." "I mean, did you think we were, like..." "I mean..." "No, I mean, I..." "Yeah, Richard and I are just friends." "With benefits?" "Is sharing stationery a benefit?" "Mm." "Maybe for you." "For me, friends with benefits means emotionally detached sex... on yachts." "Cute shoes, by the way." "What are they?" "Um, orthopedics." "Wow." "You really make them work." "Oh." "Is everything okay?" "Yeah, um..." "My friend's shopping for a trendy outfit to wear." "We're going to a piano bar where anyone can get up and sing." "Oh, you sing?" "No." "I mean..." "Yeah, I can." "My friends say I have a voice like a one-legged angel..." "Sometimes shaky, but magical." "But I don't think I'm gonna do it." "I just don't like getting up in front of people and having to perform." "Even sometimes when they call my number at the deli, I'm like," ""Wha..." "What?"" "Kimmie, we're lawyers." "We have to get up in front of people all the time." "What's gonna to happen to you someday when you're expected to give a high-level presentation?" "You're right, Kendall." "Maybe it is time to get over my fear." "And a piano bar is the perfect place to fail, because nobody whose opinion matters would ever go to one." "Would you like to come?" "Gosh, uh, you know, I would love to." "I really would, but I'm busy tomorrow night." "Oh, that's okay." "It's tonight." "What I meant was that I am busy tomorrow night recovering from tonight, which is booked solid." "But you go down there and sing your heart out." "Who's singing their heart out?" "I'm singing at a piano bar tonight to get over my stage fright." "That's right, insecurity." "♪ You have no home... here ♪" "That's wonderful, Kimmie..." "Staring down your fears." "I wish I had your courage." "Why?" "What are you afraid of?" "Failure, success, my father's disapproval, women who wear leopard-skin undergarments, shark-tornadoes, oversharing." "Well, it just kills me that I can't be there" " to cheer you on tonight." " Oh, that's a shame." "I was actually going to ask if you still wanted dinner, but, uh, that's okay." "I'll just go along to Kimmie's piano-bar thing, if that's all right with you, Kimmie?" "Um..." "Yes!" "Please!" "Let me e-mail you the address and a photo of me from five years ago when I was at my physical peak." "K-Dog, are you sure you want Richard there tonight?" "Yeah." "I'm even not that nervous." "What's the worst that could happen?" "I pass out on stage, hit my head, go into a coma, and wake up in 2045 with my mother shaving my legs." "I think you're gonna crush it, okay?" "Guys, tonight is gonna be so much fun." "Look at us..." "We're three foxy ladies heading out on the town." " Whoo!" "Yeah, we are!" " Whoop, whoop!" " Whoo-whoo-whoo!" " Come on!" "Okay, this will be a lot easier on the both of us if you just relax." "Oh my God, you guys." "This is the Sharps  Flats winner's trophy..." "The coveted award that singers from all across the tri-state area dream of winning..." "I've read about this." " Where?" " Right there on that flyer." "Guys, why don't you go in and get a table?" "I think I need to sign in." "Okay." "You're gonna do great." " Kimmie, you okay?" " Yeah." "This is just a lot bigger deal than what I thought." "The only trophy I've ever won was for that" ""guess the weight of your own boobs" competition." "What are we talking..." "Like 17 pounds?" " 23." " Wow." "What can I get you to drink?" "I will have an orange soda." "We don't have orange soda." "Wow." "Okay, well, come back to me, then." " Um, I don't want anything." " There's a two-drink minimum." "But I don't drink." "It kills neurons." "Okay, but I'll still have to charge you $26." "$26?" "!" "Oh, no." "Marika, quick, help me pick something." "I don't know anything about drinks." "They have long island iced tea..." "You drink iced tea all the time." "Oh, okay." "I will have that." "Of course." "Hello, there." "You're Kimmie's friends, right?" "Yep." "I'm Marika." "This is Helen-Alice." "Ah." "Richard." "We've met before." "Yeah." "So, I was just waiting to be seated, and a couple of older gentlemen at the bar struck up a conversation with me." "I actually met Rum Tum Tugger from the touring company of "Cats."" "He can still do the splits." "He showed me in the bathroom." "Well, welcome." "I hope you're not armed this time." "No." "Well, I am packing this gun." "Had big week on the courts." "Huge." " I coach tennis." " Ah." "Right." "So, if you want to cop a feel, get in there." "No, I'll take your word for it." "You want to." "I can see it in your eyes." "Come on." " No, I can see." "It's impressive." " Give it a go." " I'm not asking anymore." " Okay." "Listen." "I know I have a super-strong magnetism, but you are here for Kimmie, and she is my best friend." "So just so you know, nothing is ever gonna happen between us, got it?" "Yes." "Okay." "Thank you so much." "Helen-Alice, you'd better slow down with those." "Mm." "You better slow down with those!" "Okay." "I think there's one more person before I'm up, so I'd better get ready, do some vocal warm-ups and whatnot." " Okay, good luck, Kimmie." " Whoo!" "Break a leg." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey!" "If I were a pony, what color mane do you think I would have?" "Okay, let's hear it for your next singer, Kendall Quinn!" "♪ You with the sad eyes ♪" "♪ Don't be discouraged ♪" "♪ Oh, I realize ♪" "♪ It's hard to take courage ♪" "♪ In a world full of people ♪" "♪ You can lose sight of it all ♪" "♪ And the darkness inside you ♪" "♪ Can make you feel so small ♪" "♪ But I see your true colors ♪" "♪ Shining through ♪" "♪ I see your true colors ♪" "♪ And that's why I love you ♪" "♪ So don't be afraid ♪" "♪ To let them show ♪" "♪ Your true colors ♪" "♪ True colors are beautiful ♪" "♪ Like a rainbow ♪" "True colors." "Kendall, um..." "What are you doing here?" "Kimmie, I came here to motivate you by showing you how awesome I am." "So, what I'm trying to say to you in the nicest possible way is, beat that, Boubier." "Is this seat taken?" "I thought you couldn't make it." " My plans changed." " Ah." "Are you always this competitive?" "Depends on what the prize is." " But I like to win." " Mm." "Well, I wouldn't count Boubier out completely." "She might just surprise you yet." "Okay, let's hear it for our next performer," "Kimmie "Boobeer."" " Yeah, Kimmie!" " Whoo!" "You can do it!" "Oh, no." "Put me down!" "Don't you dare take me into that filthy bathroom!" "Kimmie?" "Listen to me." "You are getting on that stage." "No." "We are going home." "I just ordered four consolation pizzas." " They're on their way." " We are not leaving." "You have to go on that stage and sing." "I can't do it." " Yes, you can." " No, I can't!" " Yes!" " No!" "Aah!" "I saw that in a movie once." "Did it help?" " No!" "Ow!" " Sorry." "Sorry." "Look, I thought tonight was gonna be different." "But Kendall was just like Brittany Bernardi, who beat me in that sixth-grade singing contest." "And Julie Rossi, who stole that guy I had a crush on." "And Mary Rizzo, who crammed my head into a garbage can." "And Cathy Degenaro..." "Broke my glasses." "And Judy Giordano, who... put ice down my pantyhose and called me frigid." "And Patty Gubatosi, Janet Romano, and Lisa Derosa." "God, we went to school with a lot of Italians." "The point is, Kendall is all of them." "She's all those girls who held us back and made us feel bad about ourselves." "She's the winner, and we're always the losers." "That's the way the world is." "It's not really gonna change, so come on." "Let's just go home." "No!" "No way!" "Put me down!" "Put me down on this filthy floor right now!" "You guys are bitching and moaning about the past." "Well, forget about the past." "This is...this time." "And we have to prove to Kendall and everybody else that we're tired of getting beat, and we are tired of getting pushed around, and we are t..." "That drunk little Asian is right." "But it's up to you, Kimmie." "So, what's it gonna be?" "Cancel the pizzas." "I'm going on." "Actually, maybe don't cancel them." "We could just leave them with the doorman." "Oh, God." "This is gonna be bad." "♪ And I would do anything for love ♪" "♪ I'd run right into hell and back ♪" "♪ I would do anything for love ♪" "♪ I'd never lie to you, and that's a fact ♪" "♪ But I'll never forget the way you feel right now ♪" "♪ Oh, no, no way ♪" "♪ And I would do anything for love ♪" "♪ But I won't do that ♪" "She's really good, isn't she?" "♪ And some days it don't come easy ♪" "♪ And some days it don't come hard ♪" "♪ Some days it don't come at all ♪" "♪ And these are the days that never end ♪" "♪ And some nights you're breathing fire ♪" "♪ And some nights you're carved in ice ♪" "♪ Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before ♪" "♪ Or will again ♪" "♪ And maybe I'm... ♪ ♪ Maybe I'm crazy ♪" "♪ But it's crazy and it's true ♪" "♪ I know you can save me ♪" "♪ No one else can save me now but you ♪" "♪ As long as the planets are turning ♪" "♪ As long as the stars are burning ♪" "♪ As long as your dreams are coming true ♪" "♪ You'd better believe it ♪" "♪ That I would do anything for love ♪" "♪ And there'll never be no turning back ♪" "♪ But I'll never do it better than I do it with you ♪" "♪ So long, so long ♪" "♪ And I would do anything for love ♪" "♪ Oh, I would do anything for love ♪" "♪ But I won't do that ♪" "♪ I would do anything for love ♪" "♪ Anything you've been dreaming of ♪" "♪ But I just won't do that ♪ ♪ I just won't do that ♪" "♪ I would do anything for love ♪ ♪ Oh-ooh ♪" "♪ Anything you've been dreaming of ♪ ♪ Yes, it's true ♪" "♪ But I just won't do that ♪ ♪ I just won't do that ♪" "♪ No, no-no-no, no, no ♪ ♪ I won't do that ♪" "♪ Th-a-at ♪ ♪ Th-a-a-at ♪" "♪ Tha-a-a-a-at ♪" "♪ Tha-a-a-a... a-a-a-at ♪" "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner." "The Sharps  Flats trophy goes to..." "Whoo!" "Kendall Quinn." "Congratulations." "Congratulations." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Thank you all." "I'd just like to say a few words, if I could." "What does it mean to be a winner, a victor, a champion?" "I'm gonna call my grandma and teach her a lesson in what not to buy me for Christmas." "Hey, I'm really sorry you didn't win the trophy, Kimmie." "I don't care about some dumb trophy." "I came here to get over my stage fright, and I did it." "Oh, in the song, when you were saying," ""I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that..."" " What's "that"?" " Butt stuff." "Hey, grandma." "What's with sending me the $15 gift cards, huh?" "You might as well just spit in the envelope." " Okay." "All right." "Yep." " It's the same." "No more drunk dialing, okay?" "Nope." " I'm gonna go get us a cab, all right?" " Okay." "Well done, Boubier." "You served up some spicy "meat loaf."" "Oh." "Thanks, Richard." "Whoo." "You're amazing." "Could I get a picture?" "Oh, sure." "Actually, I was talking to him." "Tugger, please." "You know, uh, for a second there, Kimmie," "I almost thought you were going to win." "But then you didn't, so I guess the system works." "Well, I might not have a beautiful trophy, but at least I got up there and sang, so I must be a little more confident." "You are a hell of a competitor, Boubier." "You got the heart of a lion..." "In the body of a much, much larger lion." "I better keep my eye on you." "Okay." "Well, maybe I'll keep my eye on you." "Okay." "Well, I'm gonna go now before my boob sweat seeps into my spanx." "When they get wet, they're incredibly difficult to get off." "So, Richard, do you want to celebrate my victory?" "Well, actually, the girls have invited me back for consolation pizza." "Oh, can I come?" "It's consolation pizza, Kendall." "It's not for winners." "Yeah, I think that's good." "Okay."