"On the last day of summer, ten hours before fall... my grandfather took me out to the Wall." "For a while we stood silent." "Then finally he said... with a very sad shake of his very old head:" ""As you know, on this side of the Wall we are Yooks." "On the far other side of this Wall live the Zooks." "And the things that you heard about Zooks are all true." "That terribly horrible thing that they do." "And in every Zook house and in every Zook town... every Zook eats his bread... with the butter side down!" "Butter, butter, butter bright" "Every morning, noon and night" "Spread your bread and spread it right" "Pat, pat, smear, smear" "Pat, pat, smear, smear Pat, pat" "Butter side down!" "But we Yooks, when we eat, when we breakfast or supper... we spread our bread right, with the butter side up." "'Cause of course you remember our bread-spreading rule... that you learned as a lad back in bread-spreading school." "On my honor as a Yook youth, I do solemnly swear... to spread up on top here, and never down there." ""On my honor as a Yook youth..." ""I do solemnly swear..." ""to spread up on top here..." ""and never down there"." "That's the true, honest way." "And all honest folks know... that you can't trust a Zook who spreads bread down below." "Every Zook must be watched." "He has kinks in his soul." "That's why as a young man, I made watching my goal." "Watching Zooks for the Zook-Watching Border Patrol." "With a song in my heart and a spring in my knee," "With a glint in my eye and a hup two three" "I strided with pride along that Wall and I watched those Zookers, one and all." "And if they got fresh I just gave them a twitch" "With my tough-tufted prickly Snick-Berry Switch." "For a while that worked fine." "All the Zooks stayed away, and our country was safe." "Then, one terrible day... a very rude Zook by the name of VanItch... snuck up and slingshotted my Snick-Berry Switch." "Hooray for our side... butter side down!" "Why, those dirty upside-down butterers." "They can't do that to us." "Why, I never saw anything so aggressively affrontable." "It's worse than that." "It's acrimonious." "Those Zooks." "They're impossible." "And they get impossibler and impossibler and impossibler every day." "Ask me, they're getting too big for their britches." "With a broken-off switch, with my head hung in shame... to the Chief Yookeroo in great sorrow I came." "But our Leader lust smiled." "He said: "Dear boy," "You're not to blame." "You simply have suffered a minor defeat... 'cause your Snick-Berry Switch is a bit obsolete." "Their slingshot's more modern." "What we need to get is a weapon... that's even more moderner yet." "So I've ordered the Boys in the Back Room to figure... how to build you some such super-booper-sling jigger." "With my Triple-Sling Jigger I sure felt much bigger." "Okay!" "I marched to the Wall with my Triple-Sling-Jigger." "I marched to the Wall with great vim and great vigor... right up to VanItch with my hand on the trigger." ""I'll have no more nonsense," I said with a frown," ""from Zooks who eat bread with the butter side down!"" "VanItch looked quite sickly." "He ran off quite quickly." "I'm unhappy to say he came back the next day." "Shoot if you must with your Triple-Sling Jigger." "But I also now have my hand on a trigger." "My defensive weapon, the Jigger-Rock Snatchem... will fling them right back just as fast as we catch 'em." "We'll take no more nonsense." "We'll take no more gupp... from you Yooks who eat bread with the butter side up." "Stymied." "Thwarted." "Mission aborted." ""I have failed, sir", I sobbed, as I made my report... to the Chief Yookeroo in the headquarters fort." ""Not at all, my dear boy." "Oh, you did fine, my dear boy." "But a slingshot, dear me, is an old-fashioned toy." "All we need is a more modern kind of gun." "My Boys in the Back Room have already begun to think up... a Walloping whizz-zinger of one." "They thought up a great one!" "They certainly did." "They thought up a gun called the Kick-a-Poo Kid... which they loaded with powerful Poo-a-Doo Powder... and ants' eggs and bees' legs and dried-fried clam chowder." "And they carefully trained a real smart dog named Daniel... to serve as our country's first gun-toting spaniel." "Then Daniel, the Kick-a-Poo Spaniel, and I... marched back toward the Wall with our heads held up high." " It's time that we bop them." " Those monsters that dwell...." "On the other side of the Wall" " They're fooky and freaky" " Kooky and sneaky!" " They're rude and crude" " They're fright fully lewd" "On the other side of the Wall" " It's time that we bash them" " Dear, that's the truth" " They're ugly, unnatural" " Unkept and uncouth" " They're weird" " They're suspicious" " Obnoxious" " Atrocious" " They're rotten" " Malicious" " They're gauche and horocious" " Repugnant" " Repulsive they are" " We're refined" " They're crude" " They're nutty" "They're out of their minds" " All the things they do" " They're no good!" "I never have met one But I hear that they're stinky!" "On the other, other, other side other side, that other side of the Wall" " Ready?" " Ready?" "Aim." "Aim." "Shoot if you must with your wee tiny shooter... but the Boys in my Back Room have rendered it neuter... with this Eight-Nozzled Elephant-Toted Boom-Blitz." "It shoots high-explosive sour cherry-stone pits." "And will put your dumb Kick-a-Poo Kid on the fritz!" "Poor Daniel and I were scared out of our witz!" "Once again by the Zooks, I was bested and beat." "Once again I limped home from the Wall in defeat." "I was losing my gumption, losing my will... when the Right-Side-Up Song Girls marched over the hill." "Never give up" "Never tremble or flutter" "Never sad, never drab" "Never stumble or stutter" "Believe in yourself and the bread that you butter" "Have faith in your butter" "Be stead fast and true" "Remember all you've done" "Depends on you" "forget what has happened, my boy." "We have voted to make you a general." "You've been promoted." "Your pretty new uniform's ready." "Get in it!" "And next time when you go out to battle, you'll win it." "The Boys in the Back Room have figured out how." "Just wait till you see what they've puttered up now." "To clobber those Zooks in their land of bad butter... we have builded a thing called the Utterly Sputter." "It's a plane that's so modern and frightfully new... even we don't quite know all the things it can do." "But the main thing it does is to sprinkle Blue Goo all over the Zooks." "Happy trip." "Toodle-oo." "We spread our bread the way we ought" "We spread the way our mothers taught" "We fought the wars that must be fought" "Yook, Yook, Yook-a-loo-dah" "Win we will and win we must" "Our hearts are true, our course is just" "Our bread is pure from crust to crust" "Yook, Yook, Yook-a-loo-dah" "Spreading rightly makes us free upward Yooks and Yookaree" "Spreading to eternity" "Yook, Yook, Yook, Yook, Yook-a-loo-ya" "Yook, Yook, Yook, Yook" "Yook-a-loo, Yook-a-loo, Yook-a-loo-ya" "VanItch!" "How do you like my plane?" "Forget it, old fellow." "You are stymied again." "Buster, that was a pretty sour flight that you flew." "And the Chief Yookeroo, well, he's looking for you." "To make the world's most mighty weapon you take a mess of mook-a-hoo" "And you twaddle it and you waddle it a bit" "That's what you do" "Mow, this sly, unstable substance dug from deep beneath the land contains grand evil powers that we scarcely understand" "And when it starts to burp and bubble you can press it in the scrubs" "That precipitates the bluggins and activates the glocks" "And then you squeeze it till it's squizzen" "Then you squeeze it even tighter" "'Cause the tighter that it's squizzen makes it's mighty might more mighter" "And it's just a bloody miracle you've got when you are through" "You got a little Itsy-Bitsy Big Boy" "Boomeroo" "That lovely throbbing, globbing gumdrop that you're holding in your hand will blow those blasted Zooks away" "to Never Never Land" "You just run to the Wall like a nice little man." "Drop this bomb on the Zooks just as fast as you can." "I have ordered all Yooks to stay safe underground... while the Bitsy Big Boy Boomeroo is around." "That's when grandfather found me." "He grabbed me." "He said:" ""You should be down that hole!" "And you're up here instead!" "But perhaps this is all for the better, somehow." "You will see me make history!" "RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW!"" ""You will see your old grandpa put an end to them all." "Put an end to all those Zooks who live over the Wall." "Put an end to the every last village and town of those fiends... who eat bread with the butter side down." "And I, my dear chap, have a message for you." "Mainly, I also have... a Big Boy Boomeroo." "And it's my firm intention, since I have the means... to blast every Yook into small smithereens." "Grandpa, be careful." "Hey, easy." "Who's gonna drop it?" "Will you or will he?" "Why..." "Be patient." "We'll see." "We will see..." "English"