"Come on, give up!" "Ah, never!" "You're lucky." "I almost had you." "Ah, in your dreams." "Oh, yeah?" "You're just lucky the bell rang." "You're lucky the bell rang." "No, I think you're lucky the bell rang." "So, got your stuff ready?" "Oh, I've been ready for this break for days." "I thought you loved this place." "I do, doesn't mean I wanna spend my weekends here." "Well, I can think of worse things than hanging out here with no one else around, you know?" "It'd be nice and quiet." "Remind me never to have you plan one of my parties." "Yeah!" "Woo!" "Let's do it!" "Look out, you!" "Clumsy!" "You want a suspension, is that what you want?" "Huh?" "Mmm, yeah, it's you." "Whoo!" "Whoa." "Smells like a satyr crawled in here and died." "Yeah, that's very funny." "Whoa, hey, hey!" "Mi... mind the hair." "Looks like somebody's got big plans for the weekend, huh?" "What's up?" "Well, if you losers must know," "I have a date with Kora." "Come on, get serious." "Hey, what can I say?" "I guess she decided I'm the man for her." "I thought you said you were going to Kora's to ask for work, like being a busboy or something." "Do I look like the busboy type?" "Ah, you're right." "More like a dishwasher." "Ah, you're just jealous." "No, we're hungry." "Well, I'll tell you what." "Last one out the gate buys breakfast." "Oh!" "I think someone owes me a breakfast!" " Ooh!" " Whoa!" "Nice one, lolaus." "Guys, I think we're in trouble." "In an age of light and darkness," "Zeus, king of the gods, ruled the universe." "He had a son, young Hercules." "Half-god, half-man." "Young Hercules longs to find his place in the world, the father he's never known, and what it means to be a hero." "Before the man became legend, before the legend became myth, came the greatest adventure of all." "Hoodlums!" "Terrorists!" " Bless you." " Huh?" " Fiducius." " Huh?" "We're sorry, okay, it was an accident." "Ha!" "Yeah, we were just having a race." "It was a premeditated malicious attack on a despised authority figure!" "Don't think I don't know how you boys snicker at me behind my back!" "Keep it up, boys." "You're just digging yourselves a bigger hole." "This might even affect your permanent record." "I trust the discipline Fiducius chooses will enlighten, as well as punish." "You're gonna be enlightened, all right." "Boys, if you had any plans for today, forget 'em." "You're stuck here with me." "You can't do that!" "Why not?" "Well, because, I mean, I mean, I'm sup..." "Obviously, you've got me confused with someone who cares." "Yes, sir." "See?" "There are two little words you boys never learned..." "Respect and responsibility, the keys to an orderly society." "You boys show no respect." "You boys take no responsibility." "When my boy, Pythias, was a student here, things were different." "Just kill me now." "Ugh, I hate this." "You really think he's gonna make us work all day?" "Fiducius?" "The dean of mean?" "You bet." "I can't stay here all day." "Ah, there's no way, I've got to get out." "Why is that?" "Well, you know, I got that big date with, uh, Kora." "Date?" "You're gonna have to do better than that." "Come on, come on." "Okay, I'm a busboy." "Ah, there you go." "Now, don't you feel better?" "No, not really." "It's my first day, if I don't turn up," "Kora's gonna fire me for sure." "Why don't you just tell Fiducius that?" "Well, I tried." "He couldn't care less." "Anyway, how is it gonna prove" "I wasn't just making it up?" "So I was thinking I might, uh, sneak out." "Are you crazy?" "You get caught, and you'll get kicked out of school." "Well, if Kora fires me, I can't pay my tuition anyway." "The thing is..." "I need you guys to cover for me." "You gotta be kidding, lolaus." "I don't think so, you know?" "Don't you remember why I'm here?" "Probation." "If I'm not in the academy, I'm in jail." "I'm going to Kora's, whether or not you help me." "All right, we'll do it." "Ooh, you guys are the best." " And Jason..." " Don't hug me." "Okay, okay." " Oh!" " Huh?" " Hercules." " Yeah?" "I just remembered, I, also, have to go." " Oh, really?" " Yeah." "No!" "I can't believe I'm doin' this." "What?" "You're great with animals." "Ah!" "You know what I'm talkin' about." "Fiducius would love to catch us pulling' a stunt like this." "Like what?" "Uh, uh, well, like nothing, sir." "You call this "mucked out"?" "My boy, Pythias, would be ashamed to let a teacher see such shoddy work." "Yeah, I'll bet he could really shovel it." " Huh?" " Huh?" "Wait a minute, where's that Iolaus?" "Oh, he's... well, he's right up in the loft, sir." "Where?" "Uh, right up there." "You see, hey, lolaus!" "I'll go speed him up!" "Uh..." "Ho, hip, hip!" "Uh... hey!" "My eye!" "Sorry about that, the goat... the goat moved." "Hey, lolaus, toss me a bale!" "Hey, thank you!" "You're welcome!" "Hey, we better get that out." "You wouldn't want the milk to curdle." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let go of me!" "Stay alert up there if you know what's good for you!" "Yes, sir." "Clumsy, undisciplined, irresponsible!" "Look at you, Tapert!" "You're a free man!" "A little late for our first day, aren't we?" "Uh, I'm sorry, it was, uh, shepherd rush hour." "Oh, that's a new one." "Look, I'm really busy, today, so I need you to wait tables." "I'm a waiter?" "Cool." "Do waiters get to date the boss?" "Ow!" "Not dead ones." "Take the table in the corner." "You got a customer waiting." "Ow." "It's okay, I'm a waiter." "This is just not my day." "Come on, let's visit Haskell, Graves, and Merrifield." "Uh, what's with the hat?" "Well, I was just thinking, you know, what if all the waiters wore different g... goofy hats?" "You know, I mean... ha!" "Wouldn't that be a cute gimmick?" "We already have a cute gimmick." "It's called "serving the customers."" "All these scrolls must be filed in strict alphabetical order." "When my boy, Pythias, went here, the students knew the value of a precisely ordered library." "But nobody reads anymore." "Everyone's too busy going to plays or lookin' at sculptures." "Now where's lolaus?" "Oh, uh, pssh, he was right behind me a second ago." "There's something strange going on..." "He went to slop the hogs." "Slop the hogs?" "Yeah." "Really?" "Yeah." "Slop the hogs." "Very well." "Get to work." "Slop the hogs?" "It was the only thing I could think of!" "Hmm, slop the hogs." "He didn't believe me." "That really burns me up!" "Let's hope I can get there first." "Is there no trust anymore?" "Are the oats fresh today?" "Uh, you bet." "Fine, I'll have the vegetarian stuffed grape leaves, and a side order of oats, thanks." "Thank you." "Iolaus, you owe me so big-time." "Oh!" "Iolaus, is that you?" "Uh, yes, yes, sir." "You really throw yourself into your work, don't you, boy?" "Yes, sir." "I gotta say, it's better than that cologne you were wearing." "Carry on." "Just... wash up before you come back in, huh?" "Yes, sir." "Yeah, what are you lookin' at, Porky?" "Dickins is pretty strict about a dress code here." "What's going on?" "Why are you hiding from him?" "Hiding, pfft!" "What do you mean, "hiding"?" "Hey!" "My hat!" "Hmm." "So?" "Waiter!" "More water, please." "Mm." "Whoa!" "Hey." "Oh, don't scare me like that." "Hey, what happened?" "Oh, you won't believe it." "I get to the pigpen, right?" "Oh, that's great." "Hey, you know what these are?" "No." "These are student records." "So?" "So, I just dropped most of the F's." "Okay." "Flanicci." "Wait." "Flaenus." "Oh, Jason, listen, I..." "I wouldn't mess with this if I was you, okay?" "Ah, here we go." "Pythias Fiducius." "As in, "Back when my boy, Pythias, went to school."" "Let's see if he's the hotshot." "Big Daddy says he is." "Jason, I really think that we should put it back, okay?" "Whoa." "What?" "Oh." "Incompletes?" "Look at this." "He even got a suspension." "So much for Mr. Perfect Cadet, huh?" "You know what's weird about this?" "It doesn't even mention him graduating." "That's because he didn't." "Thank you, Kora." "Come again." "So, how am I doing?" "Oh, I'd say you're done." "You mean I'm fired?" "Nah, I've just had enough entertainment for one day." "Oh, great." "So, when do I get my pay?" "It should just about cover your damages." "Ah." "Gotcha." "Now, beat it, I'll see ya next week." "Thanks..." "Boss." "He was a good boy, once." "Good student." "Made me proud." "Then he started getting into scrapes." "Small ones at first." "I went easy on him." "Covered for him." "Let him get away with things." "He got wilder and wilder." "Uncontrollable." "I didn't know what to do with him." "One day... he just ran away." "You wonder why I'm so hard on you boys." "It's because I don't want the same thing to happen to you." "I don't want to let you down... the way I did him." "You can't keep blaming yourself for your son's mistakes." "Eventually, you have to let him take responsibility for himself." "I wish I could." "Perhaps when you have children of your own you'll understand." "Maybe." "But I do know that" "I would be the luckiest kid in the world if I had a father who cared about me as much as you care about him." "Huh?" "Oh, uh, sorry." "I'll come back later." "Iolaus, uh, listen, Fiducius, he had to go, okay?" "He has a job." "We said we'd do his work for him." "Yeah, yeah, don't blame them." "It was my fault." "So, how did it go today?" "Not quite as I expected." "But they worked hard." "They're good boys." "Sometimes it's the teacher that learns a lesson." "Enjoy the rest of your day." "Oh, one more thing." "Iolaus?" "Uh, yes, sir?" "Your tip." "Hey!" " You owe me." " For?" "Oh, of course." "It's okay." "You can buy another dinner, all right?"