"A Hobbit's Tale" "Well, there you go." "Have a very good day." "Hello, Mr. Bilbo." "Here, have a feel of me tubers." "Nice and firm, they are." "Good morning." "What do you mean?" "Do you wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not?" "Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning?" "Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?" "Hm?" "All of them at once, I suppose." "Hmm." "Can I help you?" "That remains to be seen." "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure." "An adventure?" "No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures." "Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things." "Make you late for dinner." "Heh, heh." "Mm." "Huh." "Hmm." "Oh." "Ah." "Good morning." "To think that I should have lived to be "good morninged" by Belladonna Took's son as if I were selling buttons at the door." "Beg your pardon?" "You've changed and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins." "I'm sorry, do I know you?" "Well, you know my name, although you don't remember I belong to it." "I'm Gandalf." "And Gandalf means me." "Gandalf?" "Not Gandalf the wandering Wizard who made such excellent fireworks?" "Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve." "Heh, heh." "Ahem." "No idea you were still in business." "And where else should I be?" "Where else--?" "Ahem." "Well, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me even if it's only my fireworks." "Yes." "Well, that's decided." "It'll be very good for you and most amusing for me." "I shall inform the others." "Inform the who?" "What?" "No." "No." "No" " Wait." "We do not want any adventures here, thank you." "Not today." "Not" "I suggest you try Over the Hill or Across the Water." "Good morning." "Dwalin, at your service." "Hm." "Uh..." "Bilbo Baggins, at yours." "Do we know each other?" "No." "Which way, laddie?" "Is it down here?" "Is what down where?" "Supper." "He said there'd be food and lots of it." "He" " He said?" "Who said?" "DWALlN:" "Mmm." "Mmm." "Very good, this." "Any more?" "What?" "Oh, yes, yes." "Ah." "Help yourself." "Hmm. lt's just that, um, I wasn't expecting company." "That'll be the door." "Balin at your service." "Good evening." "Yes." "Yes, it is." "Though I think it might rain later." "Hm?" "Am I late?" "Late for what?" "Oh!" "Ha, ha!" "Evening, brother." "By my beard you're shorter and wider than last we met." "BALlN:" "Wider, not shorter." "Sharp enough for both of us." "Uh, excuse me?" "Sorry, I hate to interrupt." "But the thing is, I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house." "DWALlN:" "Have you eaten?" "BILBO:" "It's not that I don't like visitors. I like visitors as much as the next Hobbit." "But I do like to know them before they come visiting." "What is this?" "I don't know." "I think it's cheese." "Gone blue." "DWALlN:" "It's riddled with mold." "The thing is, I don't know either of you." "Not in the slightest. I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind." "I'm sorry." "BALlN:" "You think--?" "Apology accepted." "Ah." "BALlN:" "Now, fill it up, brother don't stint." "DWALlN:" "You wanna get stuck in?" "I could eat again if you insist, brother." "Fili." "And Kili." "At your service." "You must be Mr. Boggins." "Nope!" "You can't come in." "You've come to the wrong house." "What?" "Has it been canceled?" "No one told us." "No, nothing's been canceled." "That's a relief." "Careful with these." "I just had them sharpened." "It's nice, this place." "fill:" "Yeah." "Did you do it yourself?" "What?" "No, it's been in the family for years." "That's my mother's glory box." "Can you please not do that?" "Fili, Kili." "Come on, give us a hand." "Mr. Dwalin." "Ha, ha." "BALlN:" "Well, shove this in the hallway." "Otherwise we'll never get everyone in." "BILBO: "Everyone"?" "How many more are there?" "DWALlN:" "Where do you want this?" "Oh, no." "DWALlN:" "It's really heavy." "No." "No." "There's nobody home!" "Go away and bother somebody else." "There's far too many Dwarves in my dining room as it is." "If this is some clot-head's idea of a joke I can only say it is in very poor taste." "GLOlN:" "Get off you big lump!" "Gandalf." "Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth." "But it's full of holes." "It's supposed to look like that. lt's crochet." "Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you've got the balls for it." "Bebother and confusticate these Dwarves!" "My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?" "What's the matter?" "I'm surrounded by Dwarves." "What are they doing here?" "Oh, they're quite a merry gathering once you get used to them." "I don't want to get used to them." "Look at the state of my kitchen." "There's mud trod into the carpet." "They've pillaged the pantry." "I won't tell you what they've done in the bathroom." "They've all but destroyed the plumbing. I don't understand what they're doing in my house!" "Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" "fill:" "Here you go, Ori." "Give it to me." "BILBO:" "Take that back." "Excuse me." "That's my mother's West Farthing pottery." "It's over 100 years old!" "And can you not do that?" "You'll blunt them." "BOFUR:" "Ooh." "Do you hear that, lads?" "He says we'll blunt the knives." "Blunt the knives, bend the forks" "Smash the bottles and burn the corks" "Chip the glasses and crack the plates" "That's what Bilbo Baggins hates." "Cut the cloth, tread on the fat" "Leave the bones on the bedroom mat" "Pour the milk on the pantry floor" "Splash the wine" "On every door" "Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl" "Pound them up with a thumping pole" "When you're finished lf they are whole" "Send them down the hall to roll" "That's what Bilbo Baggins hates" "GANDALF:" "Bilbo." "He is here." "Gandalf." "I thought you said this place would be easy to find." "I lost my way, twice." "I wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door." "Mark?" "There's no mark on that door." "It was painted a week ago." "There is a mark." "I put it there myself." "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company:" "Thorin Oakenshield." "So this is the Hobbit." "Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?" "Pardon me?" "THORIN:" "Axe or sword?" "What's your weapon of choice?" "Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know but I fail to see why that's relevant." "Thought as much." "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." "BALlN:" "What news from the meeting in Ered Luin?" "Did they all come?" "Aye." "Envoys from all seven kingdoms." "DWALlN:" "And what did the Dwarves of the Iron Hills say?" "Is Dain with us?" "They will not come." "THORIN:" "They say this quest is ours and ours alone." "BILBO:" "You're going on a quest?" "Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light." "Far to the east over ranges and rivers beyond woodlands and wastelands lies a single, solitary peak." ""The Lonely Mountain."" "GLOlN:" "Aye, Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time." "Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain, as it was foretold." ""When the birds of yore  return to Erebor the reign of the beast will end."" "Uh, what beast?" "BOFUR:" "Well, that would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible chiefest and greatest calamity of our age." "Airborne fire-breather." "Teeth like razors claws like meat hooks." "Extremely fond of precious metals." "Yes, I know what a dragon is." "I'm not afraid. I'm up for it." "I'll give him a taste of Dwarfish iron right up his jacksie!" "NORl:" "Good lad, Ori!" "DORI:" "Sit down." "BALlN:" "The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us but we number just 13." "And not 13 of the best nor brightest." "NORl:" "Here, who are you calling dim?" "OlN:" "What did he say?" "fill:" "We may be few in number but we're fighters, all of us to the last Dwarf." "KILI:" "And you forget, we have a Wizard in our company." "Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time." "Oh, well, no. I wouldn't say-- dori:" "How many, then?" "What?" "Well, how many dragons have you killed?" "DORl:" "Go on." "Give us a number." "Uh, excuse me." "Please." "Please." "Shut up!" "If we have read these signs do you not think others will have read them too?" "Rumors have begun to spread." "The dragon, Smaug, has not been seen for 60 years." "Eyes look east to the mountain, assessing wondering, weighing the risk." "Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected." "Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours?" "Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?" "BALlN:" "You forget, the Front Gate is sealed." "There is no way into the mountain." "That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." "How came you by this?" "GANDALF:" "It was given to me by your father." "By Thrain." "For safekeeping." "It is yours now" "fill:" "If there is a key there must be a door." "These runes speak of a hidden passage to the Lower Halls." "There's another way in." "Well, if we can find it, but Dwarf doors are invisible when closed." "The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map and I do not have the skill to find it." "But there are others in Middle-earth who can." "The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth and no small amount of courage." "But if we are careful and clever, I believe that it can be done." "That's why we need a burglar." "Hmm." "And a good one too." "An expert, I'd imagine." "GLOlN:" "And are you?" "Am I what?" "He said he's an expert." "Hey." "Me?" "No." "No, no, no." "I'm not a burglar." "I've never stolen a thing in my life." "Well, I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins." "He's hardly burglar material." "Nope." "Aye, the Wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves." "KILI:" "He's just fine." "Enough!" "If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is." "Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. ln fact, they can pass unseen by most, if they choose." "And, while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of Dwarf the scent of a Hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage." "You asked me to find the 14th member of this company and I have chosen Mr. Baggins." "There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest." "And he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know." "Including himself." "You must trust me on this." "Very well." "We will do it your way." "No, no." "THORIN:" "Give him the contract." "We're in." "We're off." "BALlN:" "It's just the usual." "Summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required remuneration funeral arrangements, so forth." "Funeral arrangements?" "I cannot guarantee his safety." "Understood." "Nor will I be responsible for his fate." "Agreed." "BILBO:" ""Terms:" "Cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one-fourteenth of total profit, if any."" "Hmm." "Seems fair." ""Present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited to lacerations evisceration...."" "Incineration?" "BOFUR:" "Oh, aye he'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." "BILBO:" "Hmm." "Nope." "GANDALF:" "Oh, very helpful, Bofur." "I'll be all right." "Just let me sit quietly for a moment." "You've been sitting quietly for far too long." "Tell me when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you?" "I remember a young Hobbit who was always running off in search of Elves in the woods." "Who would stay out late, come home after dark trailing mud and twigs and fireflies." "A young Hobbit who would have liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire." "The world is not in your books and maps." "It's out there." "I can't just go running off into the blue." "I am a Baggins of Bag-end." "You are also a Took." "Did you know that your great-great-great-great-uncle Bullroarer Took was so large he could ride a real horse?" "Yes." "Yes, well, he could." "In the Battle of Green Fields, he charged the Goblin ranks." "He swung his club so hard, it knocked the Goblin king's head clean off and it sailed 100 yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole." "And thus, the battle was won." "And the game of golf invented at the same time." "I do believe you made that up." "Well, all good stories deserve embellishment." "You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back." "Can you promise that I will come back?" "No." "And if you do you will not be the same." "That's what I thought." "Sorry, Gandalf, I can't sign this." "You've got the wrong Hobbit." "Far over" "The misty mountains cold" "To dungeons deep" "And caverns old" "We must away" "'Ere break of day" "To find our" "Long-forgotten gold" "The pines were roaring" "On the height" "The winds" "Were moaning ln the night" "The fire was red lt flaming spread" "The trees like torches" "Blazed with light" "WORRYWORT:" "Here Mr. Bilbo, where are you off to?" "Can't stop, I'm already late!" "Late for what?" "I'm going on an adventure!" "DORl:" "I said it." "Didn't I say it?" "No, wait, wait, stop." "Stop!" "We have to turn around." "GANDALF:" "What on earth is the matter?" "I forgot my handkerchief." "BOFUR:" "Here." "Use this." "THORIN:" "Move on." "GANDALF:" "You'll have to manage without pocket handkerchiefs and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins before we reach our journey's end." "You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire." "But home is now behind you." "The world is ahead." "He's been a long time." "Who?" "Gandalf." "He's a Wizard." "He does as he chooses." "Here, do us a favor." "Take this to the lads." "Stop it." "You've had plenty." "GLOlN:" "Aye, it's not a bad stew, Bombur." "I've had worse." "NORl:" "Dori could've cooked it." "Ha-ha-ha." "DORl:" "Hilarious." "What's the matter?" "We're supposed to be looking after the ponies." "Only we've encountered a slight problem." "KILI:" "We had 16." "fill:" "Now there's 14." "KILI:" "Daisy and Bungo are missing." "Well, that's not good." "Ha, ha." "And that is not good at all." "Shouldn't we tell Thorin?" "Uh, no." "Let's not worry him." "As our official burglar, we thought you might like to look into it." "Well, uh...." "Look, something big uprooted these trees." "That was our thinking." "It's something very big and possibly quite dangerous." "Hey." "There's a light." "Over here." "Stay down." "What is it?" "Trolls." "Oh." "He's got Myrtle and Minty." "I think they're gonna eat them." "We have to do something." "Yes, you should." "Mountain Trolls are slow and stupid, and you're small, they'll never see you." "It's perfectly safe." "We'll be right behind you." "If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl and once like a brown owl." "BILBO:" "Twice like a barn owl." "No, twice like a brown" " Once like a" "Like a" " Are you sure this is a good idea?" "BERT:" "Mutton yesterday, mutton today and, blimey, if it don't look like mutton again tomorrow." "william:" "Quit your griping." "These ain't sheep." "These is fresh nags." "Oh!" "I don't like horse. I never have." "Not enough fat on them." "BERT:" "Well, it's better than leathery old farmer." "All skin and bone, he was." "I'm still picking bits of him out of me teeth." "Well, that's lovely, that is." "A floater." "william:" "Might improve the flavor." "Ah." "There's more where that came from." "Oh, no, you don't!" "TOM:" "Ow!" "Well, I hope you're gonna gut these nags." "I don't like the stinky parts." "Ow!" "I said sit down." "I'm starving!" "Now, are we having horse tonight or what?" "BERT:" "Shut your cakehole." "You'll eat what I give you." "william:" "How come he's the cook?" "Everything tastes the same." "Everything tastes like chicken." "TOM:" "Except the chicken." "william:" "What tastes like fish!" "That's why I'm the cook." "william:" "Oh, me guts are grumbling." "I got to snaffle something." "Flesh, I need flesh." "TOM:" "Ah!" "Ah!" "Blimey!" "Bert." "Bert!" "Look what's come out of me hooter." "It's got arms and legs and everything." "BERT:" "What is it?" "I don't know." "But I don't like the way it wriggles around." "What are you, then?" "An oversized squirrel?" "I'm a burglar" " Uh, Hobbit." "A burglar Hobbit?" "Can we cook him?" "We can try." "He wouldn't make more than a mouthful." "Not when he's skinned and boned." "Perhaps there's more burglar Hobbits around these parts." "Might be enough for a pie." "Grab him!" "TOM:" "He's too quick." "Right." "Come here, you little" "Gotcha." "Are there any more of you little fellas..." "...hiding where you shouldn't?" "No." "He's lying." "No, I'm not!" "Hold his toes over the fire." "Make him squeal!" "Drop him!" "You what?" "I said drop him." "william:" "Get the sacks!" "Stick them in the sacks!" "Bilbo!" "Don't!" "Lay down your arms or we'll rip his off." "NORl:" "Oh!" "That's hot, that's hot, that's hot!" "Don't bother cooking them." "Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly." "They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." "BALlN:" "Is this really necessary?" "That does sound quite nice." "BOMBUR:" "Untie me, mister." "GLOlN:" "Eat someone your own size." "william:" "Never mind the seasoning." "We ain't got all night." "Dawn ain't far away." "Let's get a move on." "I don't fancy being turned to stone." "BILBO:" "Wait!" "You are making a terrible mistake." "You can't reason with them." "They're half-wits!" "BOFUR:" "Half-wits?" "What does that make us?" "BILBO:" "I meant with the, uh with the seasoning." "What about the seasoning?" "Well, have you smelt them?" "You're gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up." "BOMBUR:" "Traitor!" "william:" "What do you know about cooking Dwarf?" "BERT:" "Shut up." "Let the, uh, flurgaburburhobbit talk." "The secret to cooking Dwarf is...." "BERT:" "Yes?" "Come on." "Tell us the secret." "It's, uh...." "Yes, I'm telling you." "The secret is to skin them first." "NORl:" "What?" "Skin us?" "Tom, get me filleting knife." "I'll skin you, you little--!" "DWALlN:" "I won't forget that. I won't forget it." "What a load of rubbish." "I've eaten plenty with their skins on." "Scarf them, I say boots and all." "TOM:" "He's right." "Nothing wrong with a bit of raw Dwarf." "Nice and crunchy." "BILBO:" "Oh, not that one." "He's infected." "Huh?" "You what?" "Yeah, he's got worms in his tubes." "TOM:" "Eww!" "BOMBUR:" "Aah!" "In fact, they all have." "They're infested with parasites." "It's a terrible business." "I wouldn't risk it." "I really wouldn't." "OlN:" "Parasites?" "Did he say "parasites"?" "KILI:" "We don't have parasites." "You have parasites!" "OlN:" "What are you talking about, laddie?" "I've got parasites as big as my arm." "Mine are the biggest parasites." "I've got huge parasites." "KILI:" "We're riddled." "ORI:" "Yes, I'm riddled." "Yes, we are, badly." "What would you have us do, then?" "Let them all go?" "Well...." "william:" "You think I don't know what you're up to?" "This little ferret is taking us for fools." "Ferret?" "Fools?" "GANDALF:" "The dawn will take you all." "Who's that?" "No idea." "Can we eat him too?" "Get your foot out of my back." "THORIN:" "Where did you go to, if I may ask?" "To look ahead." "What brought you back?" "Looking behind." "Nasty business." "Still, they're all in one piece." "No thanks to your burglar." "He had the nous to play for time." "None of the rest of you thought of that." "They could not have moved in daylight." "There must be a cave nearby." "NORl:" "Oh, what's that stench?" "GANDALF:" "It's a Troll-hoard." "Be careful what you touch." "BOFUR:" "Seems a shame just to leave it lying around." "Anyone could take it." "Agreed." "Nori." "NORl:" "Yeah?" "Get a shovel." "These swords were not made by any Troll." "Nor were they made by any smith among Men." "These were forged in Gondolin by the High Elves of the First Age." "You could not wish for a finer blade." "BOFUR:" "Set it down." "GLOlN:" "That's good." "BOFUR:" "All right, come on." "Quick." "We're making a long-term deposit." "THORIN:" "Let's get out of this foul place." "Come on, let's go." "Bofur, Gloin, Nori." "GANDALF:" "Bilbo." "BILBO:" "Hmm?" "Here." "This is about your size." "I can't take this." "The blade is of Elvish make which means it will glow blue when Goblins are nearby." "I have never used a sword in my life." "And I hope you never have to." "But if you do, remember this:" "True courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one." "Gandalf." "Where are we?" "You can feel it?" "Yes. lt feels like...." "Well, like magic." "That's exactly what it is." "A very powerful magic." "GLOlN:" "There's light ahead." "The Valley of Imladris." "In the common tongue, it's known by another name." "Rivendell." "LlNDlR:" "Mithrandir." "Ah." "Lindir." "Stay sharp." "I must speak with Lord Elrond." "My Lord Elrond is not here." "Not here?" "Where is he?" "THORIN:" "Close ranks!" "Gandalf." "Lord Elrond." "Strange for Orcs to come so close to our borders." "Something or someone has drawn them near." "Ah." "That may have been us." "Welcome, Thorin, son of Thrain." "I do not believe we have met." "You have your grandfather's bearing." "I knew Thror when he ruled..." "..." "Under the Mountain." "Indeed?" "He made no mention of you." "GLOlN:" "What is he saying?" "Does he offer us insult?" "No, Master Gloin, he's offering you food." "Ah, well in that case, lead on." "BOFUR:" "Hey." "Come on." "Try it." "Just a mouthful." "I don't like green food." "Where's the meat?" "Have they got any chips?" "GANDALF:" "Kind of you to invite us." "Not really dressed for dinner." "Well, you never are." "This is Orcrist, the Goblin-cleaver." "A famous blade forged by the High Elves of the West, my kin." "May it serve you well." "And this is Glamdring the Foehammer." "Sword of the King of Gondolin." "These swords were made for the Goblin Wars..." "of the First Age." "BALlN:" "I wouldn't bother, laddie." "Swords are named for the great deeds they do in war." "What are you saying, my sword hasn't seen battle?" "I'm not actually sure it is a sword." "More of a letter opener, really." "How did you come by these?" "We found them in a Troll-hoard on the Great East Road." "And what were you doing on the Great East Road?" "Excuse me." "THORIN:" "Our business is no concern of Elves." "GANDALF:" "For goodness sake, Thorin..." "...show him the map." "THORIN:" "It is the legacy of my people." "It is mine to protect, as are its secrets." "Save me from the stubbornness of Dwarves." "Your pride will be your downfall." "You stand here in the presence of one of the few in Middle-earth who can read that map." "Show it to Lord Elrond." "Thorin, no." "You still read ancient Dwarvish, do you not?" "Moon runes?" "Of course." "An easy thing to miss." "ELROND:" "Well, in this case, that is true." "Moon runes can only be read by the light of a moon of the same shape and season as the day on which they were written." "Can you read them?" "ELROND:" "These runes were written on a Midsummer's Eve by the light of a crescent moon nearly 200 years ago." "It would seem you were meant to come to Rivendell." "Fate is with you Thorin Oakenshield." "The same moon shines upon us tonight." ""Stand by the gray stone when the thrush knocks and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's Day..." "...will shine upon the keyhole."" "Durin's Day?" "It is the start of the Dwarves' new year, when the last moon of autumn and the first sun of winter appear in the sky together." "This is ill news." "Summer is passing." "Durin's Day will soon be upon us." "We still have time." "Time?" "For what?" "To find the entrance." "We have to be standing in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time." "Then, and only then, can the door be opened." "DWALlN:" "It looks safe enough." "THORIN:" "Search to the back." "Caves in the mountain are seldom unoccupied." "DWALlN:" "There's nothing here." "Right, then." "Let's get a fire started." "No." "No fires." "Not in this place." "Get some sleep." "We start at first light." "We were to wait in the mountains until Gandalf joined us." "That was the plan." "Plans change." "ELROND:" "Not with your..." "Uh, no, I shan't be missed." "The truth is that most of them don't think I should be on this journey." "Indeed?" "I've heard that Hobbits are very resilient." "Really?" "Mm." "I've also heard they're fond of the comforts of home." "I've heard that it's unwise to seek the council of Elves." "That they will answer with yes and no." "You are very welcome to stay here, if that is your wish." "Where do you think you're going?" "Back to Rivendell." "No, no, you can't turn back now, eh?" "You're part of the company." "You're one of us." "I'm not, though, am I?" "I'm not a Took I'm a Baggins." "I don't know what I was thinking." "I should never have run out my door." "You're homesick. I understand." "No, you don't." "You don't understand." "None of you do." "You're Dwarves." "You're used to this life." "To living on the road never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere!" "Oh, I am sorry. I didn't" "No, you're right." "We don't belong anywhere." "I wish you all the luck in the world." "I really do." "What's that?" "BILBO:" "Hmm?" "Wake up!" "Whoa!" "Look out!" "DORl:" "Get away!" "DWALlN:" "Get back!" "Got you." "DWALlN:" "Get off!" "Get your hands off me!" "Get off me!" "Get off me!" "Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom?" "Spies?" "Thieves?" "Assassins?" "Dwarves, Your Malevolence." "Dwarves?" "What are you doing in these parts?" "Uh, don't worry, lads." "I'll handle this." "GOBLlN:" "What's--?" "What's that?" "No tricks. I want the truth, warts and all." "You're going to have to speak up." "Your boys flattened my trumpet." "I'll flatten more than your trumpet!" "If it's more information you want, I'm the one you should speak to." "Mm-hm." "We were on the road." "Well, it's not so much a road as a path." "Actually it's not even that, come to think of it." "it's more like a track." "Anyway, the point is, we were on this road, like a path, like a track." "And then we weren't, which is a problem, because we were..." "... supposedto be in Dunland..." "Shut up." "...last Tuesday." "Visiting distant relations." "Some inbreds on me mother's side." "Shut up!" "If they will not talk, we'll make them squawk." "Bring up the mangler." "Bring up the bonebreaker." "Start with the youngest." "THORIN:" "Wait!" "Well, well, well." "Look who it is." "Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror King under the Mountain." "Oh, but I'm forgetting." "You don't have a mountain." "And you're not a king which makes you nobody, really." "Don't just stand there, search them!" "Every crack." "Every crevice." "I know that sword!" "It is the Goblin-cleaver!" "The Biter!" "The blade that sliced a thousand necks!" "Slash them!" "Beat them!" "Kill them!" "Kill them all!" "Cut off his head!" "Take up arms." "Fight." "Fight!" "He wields the Foehammer!" "The Beater!" "Bright as daylight!" "NORl:" "Thorin!" "Follow me." "Quick!" "Run!" "GOLLUM:" "Too many boneses, precious." "Not enough flesh!" "Shut up!" "Cut its skin off." "Start with its head." "The cold hard lands They bites our hands" "They gnaws our feet" "The rocks and stones They're like old bones" "All bare of meat" "Cold as death Without no breath lt's good to eat" "Bless us and splash us, precious." "That's a meaty mouthful." "Gollum, gollum!" "Aah." "Back." "Stay back." "I'm warning you don't come any closer." "It's got an Elfish blade." "But it's not an Elfs." "Not an Elfs, no." "What is it, precious?" "What is it?" "My name is Bilbo Baggins." "Bagginses?" "What is a Bagginses, precious?" "I'm a Hobbit from the Shire." "Oh." "Does it like games?" "Does it, does it?" "Does it like to play?" "Maybe." "What has roots as nobody sees?" "ls taller than trees?" "Up, up, up it goes" "And yet" "Never grows" "The mountain." "Yes, yes." "Oh, let's have another one, eh?" "Yes!" "Do it again." "Do it again." "Ask us." "No!" "No more riddles." "Finish him off." "Finish him now!" "Gollum, gollum!" "No!" "No." "No." "No." "I want to play. I do." "I want to play. I can see you are very good at this." "So why don't we have a game of riddles?" "Yes?" "Just you and me." "Yes." "Yes, just us." "Yes." "Yes." "And if I win you show me the way out." "Yes?" "Yes." "Yes." "And if it loses?" "What then?" "Well, if it loses, precious, then we eats it." "If Baggins loses, we eats it whole." "Fair enough." "Well, Baggins first." "Thirty white horses on a red hill" "First they champ" "Then they stamp" "Then they stand still" "Teeth?" "Teeth!" "Oh, yes, my precious!" "But we" " We only have nine." "Our turn." "Voiceless, it cries" "Wingless flutters" "Toothless bites" "Mouthless" "Mutters" "Just a minute." "Uh...." "Oh." "Oh!" "We knows!" "We knows!" "Shut up!" "Wind." "It's wind." "Of course it is." "Very clever Hobbitses." "Very clever." "Ah-ah-ah." "A box without hinges" "Key or lid" "Yet golden treasure inside is hid" "Box." "Oh, um...." "Box." "The lid and a key." "Well?" "It's nasty." "Box." "Key." "Do you give up?" "Give us a chance, precious!" "Give us a chance!" "Eggses!" "Eggses." "Wet, crunchy little eggses." "Yes." "Grandmother taught us to suck them, yes!" "GOLLUM:" "We have one for you." "All things it devours" "Birds, beasts" "Trees, flowers" "Gnaws iron" "Bites steel" "Grinds hard stones to meal" "Answer us." "Give me a moment, please." "I gave you a good long while." "Birds, beasts...." "Beasts?" "Trees, flowers." "I don't know this one." "GOLLUM:" "Is it tasty?" "Is it scrumptious?" "Is it crunchable?" "Let me think." "It's stuck." "Bagginses is stuck." "Time's up." "Time." "The answer is time." "Actually it wasn't that hard." "Last question." "Last chance." "BILBO:" "Okay." "Ask us." "Ask us!" "Yes, yes." "All right." "What have I got in my pocket?" "That's no fair." "It's not fair!" "It's against the rules!" "Now ask us another one." "No." "No, no, no." "You said ask me a question." "Well, that is my question." "What have I got in my pocket?" "Three guesses, precious." "It must give us three!" "Three guesses." "Very well, guess away." "Handses!" "Wrong." "Guess again." "Fishbones, Goblins' teeth, wet shells, bats' wings...." "Knife!" "Oh, shut up!" "Wrong again." "Last guess." "String." "Or nothing." "Two guesses at once." "Wrong both times." "BILBO:" "So...." "Come, then. I won the game." "You promised to show me the way out." "GOLLUM:" "Did we say so, precious?" "Did we say so?" "What has it got in its pocketses?" "That's no concern of yours." "You lost." "Lost?" "Lost?" "Lost?" "!" "Where is it?" "No!" "Where is it?" "!" "No!" "Lost!" "Curse us and splash us!" "My precious is lost!" "What have you lost?" "Mustn't ask us!" "Not its business!" "No!" "Gollum!" "Gollum!" "What has it got in its nasty little pocketses?" "He stole it." "He stole it!" "He stole it!" "GOLLUM:" "Give it to us!" "It's ours." "It's ours." "Thief!" "Baggins!" "My precious." "Wait!" "Gollum, gollum!" "Baggins!" "Thief!" "Curse it and crush it!" "We hates it forever!" "Five, six, seven, eight." "Bifur." "Bofur." "That's 10." "Fili, Kili!" "That's 12." "And Bombur." "That makes 13." "Where's Bilbo?" "Where is our Hobbit?" "DWALlN:" "Curse that Halfling!" "Now he's lost?" "GLOlN:" "I thought he was with Dori!" "Don't blame me!" "Where did you last see him?" "I think I saw him slip away when they first collared us." "GANDALF:" "And what happened, exactly?" "Tell me!" "I'll tell you what happened." "Master Baggins saw his chance and he took it." "He has thought of nothing but his soft bed and his warm hearth since first he stepped out of his door." "We will not be seeing our Hobbit again." "He is long gone." "BILBO:" "No." "He isn't." "Bilbo Baggins." "I have never been so glad to see anyone in my life." "KILI:" "Bilbo." "We'd given you up." "How on earth did you get past the Goblins?" "How, indeed." "Well, what does it matter?" "He's back." "It matters." "I want to know." "Why did you come back?" "Look, I know you doubt me." "I know you always have." "And you're right." "I often think of Bag-end." "I miss my books." "And my armchair and my garden." "See, that's where l belong." "That's home." "And that's why I came back." "Because you don't have one." "A home." "It was taken from you." "But I will help you take it back if I can." "Out of the frying pan." "And into the fire." "Run." "Run!" "Up into the trees!" "All of you!" "Come on, climb!" "Bilbo, climb!" "THORIN:" "They're coming!" "GANDALF:" "Fili!" "Mr. Gandalf!" "ORI:" "Oh, no, Dori!" "GANDALF:" "Thorin!" "Thorin." "The Halfling?" "It's all right." "Bilbo is here." "He's quite safe." "Is that what I think it is?" "GANDALF:" "Erebor the Lonely Mountain the last of the great Dwarf kingdoms of Middle-earth." "Our home." "OlN:" "A raven!" "The birds are returning to the mountain." "GANDALF:" "That, my dear Oin is a thrush." "But we'll take it as a sign." "A good omen." "You're right." "I do believe the worst is behind us." "GANDALF:" "Come on!" "This way!" "Quickly!" "THORIN:" "Run!" "Bombur, come on!" "GANDALF:" "To the house!" "Run!" "Come on, get inside." "Open the door!" "Quickly!" "DORI:" "Push!" "KILI:" "Push!" "THORIN:" "Dwalin!" "DWALIN:" "Come on, lads!" "ORI:" "What is that?" "That is our host." "His name is Beorn." "And he's a skin-changer." "Sometimes he's a huge black bear." "Sometimes he's a great strong man." "The bear is unpredictable but the man can be reasoned with." "However he is not overfond of Dwarves." "He's leaving." "Come away from there." "It's not natural." "None of it." "It's obvious." "He's under some dark spell." "GANDALF:" "Don't be a fool." "He's under no enchantment but his own." "All right, now get some sleep." "All of you." "You'll be safe here tonight." "Ah, Bilbo." "There you are." "Now this will require some delicate handling." "We must tread very carefully." "The last person to have startled him was torn to shreds." "I will go first and..." "Uh, Bilbo?" "You come with me." " Is this a good idea?" "GANDALF:" "Yes." "Now, the rest of you, you just wait here and don't come out until I give the signal." "BOFUR:" "Right." "Wait for the signal." "And no sudden moves or loud noises, and don't overcrowd him." "And only come out in pairs." "Right." "No, actually, Bombur um, you count as two so you should come out alone." "Mm." "Remember, wait for the signal." "BOFUR:" "The signal." "Right." "What signal would that be?" "GANDALF:" "Ahem." " You're nervous." "Nervous?" "What nonsense." "Good morning." "Good morning!" "Who are you?" "I'm Gandalf." "Gandalf the Grey." "Never heard of him." "I'm a Wizard." "Perhaps you've heard of my colleague Radagast the Brown." "He resides in the southern borders of Mirkwood." "What do you want?" "Well, simply to thank you for your hospitality." "You may have noticed that we took refuge in your lodgings here last night." "Who is this little fellow?" "Well, this would be Mr. Baggins from the Shire." "He's not a Dwarf, is he?" "Why, no." "No, he's a Hobbit." "A good family and unimpeachable reputation." "A Halfling and a Wizard." "How come you here?" "GANDALF:" "Oh, well, the fact is that we've had a bad time of it from Goblins in the mountains." "What did you go near Goblins for?" "Stupid thing to do." "You are absolutely..." "...right." "No, it..." " There it is." "Go." " Go." "Go." "GANDALF: -...was terrible." "DWALIN:" "Dwalin and Balin." "GANDALF:" "And I must confess that, uh, several of our group are, in fact, Dwarves." "Do you call two "several"?" "Well, uh, now you put it that way..." "Yes, there could be more than two." "BOFUR:" "Go, go." "GLOIN:" "Wait, that's us." "GANDALF:" "Oh, and here are some more of our, uh, happy troop." "And do you call six a "troop"?" "What are you, a traveling circus?" "BOFUR:" "Go." "Go." "Go, go." "Dori and Ori at your service." "BEORN:" "I don't want your service" "Absolutely understandable." "Go." "Go." "Oh, Fili and Kili." "I'd quite forgotten." "Oh, yes, and Nori, Bofur Bifur and Bombur." "Is that it?" "Are there any more?" "BILBO:" "There are others like you?" "Once there were many." "And now?" "Now there is only one." "You need to reach the mountain before the last days of autumn." "Before Durin's Day falls." "Yes." "You are running out of time." "Which is why we must go through Mirkwood." "A darkness lies upon that forest." "Fell things creep beneath those trees." "I would not venture there except in great need." "We will take the Elven Road." "That path is still safe." "BEORN: "Safe"?" "The Wood Elves of Mirkwood are not like their kin." "They're less wise and more dangerous." "But it matters not." "What do you mean?" "These lands are crawling with Orcs." "Their numbers are growing." "And you are on foot." "You will never reach the forest alive." "I don't like Dwarves." "They're greedy and blind." "Blind to the lives of those they deem lesser than their own." "But Orcs I hate more." "What do you need?" "BEORN:" "You will leave my ponies before you enter the forest." "GANDALF:" "Oh, you have my word." "Go now." "While you have the light." "The Elven Gate." "Here lies our path through Mirkwood." "Set the ponies loose." "Let them return to their master." "BILBO:" "This forest feels sick." "As if a disease lies upon it." "Is there no way around?" "Not unless we go 200 miles north." "Or twice that distance south." "Not my horse!" "I need it!" "You're not leaving us?" "I would not do this unless I had to." "I'll be waiting for you at the overlook, before the slopes of Erebor." "Keep the map and key safe." "Do not enter that mountain without me." "This is not the Greenwood of old." "There is a stream in the woods that carries a dark enchantment." "Do not touch the water." "Cross only by the stone bridge." "The very air of the forest is heavy with illusion." "It'll seek to enter your mind and lead you astray." ""Lead us astray"?" "What does that mean?" "GANDALF:" "You must stay on the path." "Do not leave it." "If you do, you'll never find it again." "No matter what may come, stay on the path!" "Come on." "We must reach the mountain before the sun sets on Durin's Day." "BILBO:" "Durin's Day?" "BOFUR:" "Let's go." "THORIN:" "It is our one chance to find the hidden door." "THORIN:" "The path turns this way." "Oh." "BOFUR:" "We could try and swim it." "THORIN:" "Didn't you hear what Gandalf said?" "A dark magic lies upon this forest." "The waters of this stream are enchanted." "Doesn't look very enchanting to me." "KILI:" "These vines look strong enough." "THORIN:" "Kili!" "We send the lightest first." "It's all right." "Can't see any problem." "There's one." "Everything's fine." "What are you doing?" "You shouldn't have done that." "It's bad luck." "Look." "A tobacco pouch." "There's Dwarves in these woods." "Dwarves from the Blue Mountains, no less." "This is exactly the same as mine." "Because it is yours." "Do you understand?" "We're going around in circles." "We are lost." "THORIN:" "We are not lost." "We keep heading east." "OIN:" "But which way is east?" "We've lost the sun." "DWALIN:" "I thought you were the expert." "The sun." "We have to find the sun." "I can see a lake!" "And a river." "And the Lonely Mountain." "We're almost there!" "Can you hear me?" "I know which way to go!" "Hello?" "Hello." "Oh, no." "Oh, come on." "Sting." "That's a good name." "Sting." "GLOIN:" "You all right there, Bofur?" "BALIN:" "I'm all right!" "DWALIN:" "Thorin!" "Get them!" "KILI:" "Come on!" "GLOIN:" "Look out, brother!" "KILI:" "Fili!" "Search them." " Menno Nogoth (Send [that] Dwarf [to me])" "Where did you get this?" "It was given to me." "Not just a thief, but a liar as well." "Enwenno hain!" "(Take them)" "Thorin, where's Bilbo?" "GLOIN:" "Again!" "BALIN:" "Leave it!" "There's no way out!" "These are the Halls of the Woodland Realm." "No one leaves here but by the king's consent." "THRANDUIL:" "Some may imagine that a noble quest is at hand." "A quest to reclaim a homeland and slay a dragon." "I myself suspect a more prosaic motive." "Attempted burglary." "Or something of that ilk." "You have found a way in." "You seek that which would bestow upon you the right to rule." "The King's Jewel." "The Arkenstone." "It is precious to you beyond measure." "I understand that." "There are gems in the mountain that I too desire." "I offer you my help." "I am listening." "I will let you go if you but return what is mine." "THORIN:" "A favor for a favor." "THRANDUIL:" "You have my word." "One king to another." "Did he offer you a deal?" "He did." "I told him he could go îsh kakhfê ai-'d dûr-rugnu!" "Him and all his kin!" "Well, that's that, then." "A deal was our only hope." "ELROS:" "Galion, you old rogue, we're running out of drink." "These empty barrels should have been sent back to Esgaroth hours ago." "The bargeman will be waiting for them." "GALION:" "Say what you like about our ill-tempered king." "He has excellent taste in wine." "Come, Elros, try it." "ELROS:" "I have the Dwarves in my charge." "GALION:" "They're locked up." "Where can they go?" "Ha, ha." "BOFUR:" "I'll wager the sun is on the rise." "Must be nearly dawn." "We're never gonna reach the mountain, are we?" "Not stuck in here, you're not." "Bilbo!" "KILI:" "What?" "Shh!" "There are guards nearby!" " Ha, ha, ha." "THORIN:" "Close the doors." " It'll buy us more time." " All right, Nori." "THORIN:" "Up the stairs." "DWALIN:" "You first." "Ori." "BILBO:" "Not that way." "Down here." "Follow me." "Go." "OIN:" "Easy, now." "This way." "Come on." "I don't believe it." "We're in the cellars!" "You were supposed to be leading us out, not further in!" "I know what I'm doing!" "Shh!" "This way!" "This way!" "Gwa hyn!" "(They are gone!" ")" "BILBO:" "Everyone climb into the barrels quickly." "DWALIN:" " Are you mad?" " They'll find us." "BILBO:" " No, no." "They won't, I promise you." "Please, please." "You must trust me." "Do as he says." "DWALIN:" "Move your big ginger head." "Get in the barrel!" "Move!" "DORI:" "Everyone's in." "What do we do now?" "Hold your breath." "BOFUR:" "Hold my breath?" "What do you mean?" "Tolo hi!" "(Come now!" ")" "Well done, Master Baggins." "Go!" "Come on, let's go!" "Hold on!" "FILI:" "Bilbo!" "THORIN:" "Anything behind us?" "BALIN:" "Not that I can see." " Make for the shore!" " Aye." "THORIN:" "Come on, let's go!" "OIN:" "Gloin, help me, my brother." "DWALIN:" "Come on, lift yourself." "BARD:" "Do it again and you're dead." "BALIN:" "Excuse me but you're from Lake-town, if I'm not mistaken." "That barge over there it wouldn't be available for hire, by any chance?" "We need food supplies, weapons." "Can you help us?" "No one enters Lake-town but by leave of the Master." "All his wealth comes from trade with the Woodland Realm." "He would see you in irons before risking the wrath of King Thranduil." "Offer more." "BALIN:" "I'll wager there are ways to enter that town unseen." "Aye." "But for that you would need a smuggler." "For which we would pay double." "Come on now, lads." "Turn out your pockets." "How do we know he won't betray us?" "We don't." "BALIN:" "There's just a wee problem." "We're 10 coins short." "Gloin." "Come on." " Give us what you have." " Don't look to me." "I have been bled dry by this venture." "What have I seen for my investment?" "Naught but misery and grief and..." "GLOIN:" "Bless my beard." "Take it." " Take all of it." " Ahem." "The money, quick." "Give it to me." "THORIN:" "We will pay you when we get our provisions but not before." "If you value your freedom, you'll do as I say." "There are guards ahead." "What's he doing?" "BILBO:" "He's talking to someone." "He's pointing right at us." "Now they're shaking hands." " What?" "DWALIN:" " The villain." "He's selling us out." "BARD:" "Quiet." "We're approaching the tollgate." "They may not be the best fit but they'll keep you warm." "Thank you very much." "A Dwarvish windlance." "BILBO:" "You look like you've seen a ghost." "He has." "The last time we saw such a weapon a city was on fire." "It was the day the dragon came." "The day that Smaug destroyed Dale." "Girion, the Lord of the City rallied his bowmen to fire upon the beast." "But a dragon's hide is tough." "Tougher than the strongest armor." "Only a Black Arrow fired from a windlance could have pierced the dragon's hide." "And few of those arrows were ever made." "The store was running low when Girion made his last stand." "Had the aim of Men been true that day much would have been different." "You speak as if you were there." "All Dwarves know the tale." "Then you would know that Girion hit the dragon." "He loosened a scale under the left wing." "One more shot and he would have killed the beast." "That's a fairy story, lad." "Nothing more." "You took our money." "Where are the weapons?" "What is this?" "Pike hook." "Made from an old harpoon." " And this?" "BARD:" " A crowbill, we call it." "Fashioned from a smithy's hammer." "It's heavy in hand, I grant, but in defense of your life, these will serve you better than none." "We paid you for weapons." "Iron-forged swords and axes!" "It's a joke!" "BARD:" "You won't find better outside the city armory." "All iron-forged weapons are held there under lock and key." "BALIN:" "Thorin why not take what's on offer and go?" "I've made do with less." "So have you." " I say we leave now." " You're not going anywhere." "What did you say?" "There are spies watching this house and probably every dock and wharf in the town." "You must wait till nightfall." "BILBO:" "Can you see anything?" "OIN:" "Shh!" "Keep it down." "THORIN:" "As soon as we have the weapons we make straight for the mountain." "Go, go!" "DORI:" "Go, Nori." "Next." "You all right?" "I can manage." "Let's just get out of here." "Run!" "GLOIN:" "Quickly!" "Move now!" "Get off me!" "Get off!" "GUARD:" "Move them along here." "Move on!" "What is the meaning of this?" "ALFRID:" "A desperate bunch of mercenaries, if ever there was, sire." "Hold your tongue!" "You do not know to whom you speak." "This is no common criminal." "This is Thorin son of Thrain, son of Thror!" "We are the Dwarves of Erebor." "We have come to reclaim our homeland." "I remember this town in the great days of old." "Fleets of boats lay at harbor filled with silks and fine gems." "This was no forsaken town on a lake." "This was the center of all trade in the North!" "If we succeed all will share in the wealth of the mountain." "You will have enough gold to rebuild Esgaroth 10 times over!" "Hello, Bard." "What you after?" "BARD:" "There was a tapestry!" "An old one!" "Where's it gone?" "What tapestry you talking about?" "This one." "HILDA:" "They were Dwarves, I tell you." "Appeared out of nowhere." "Full beards." "Fierce eyes." "I've never seen the like." "What are Dwarves doing in these parts?" " It's the prophecy." "MAN 1:" " The prophecy?" "MAN 2:" "The Prophecy of Durin's Folk." "Prophecy." "Prophecy." "The old tales will come true." "Vast halls of treasure!" "Has the lord of silver fountains returned?" "The lord of the silver fountains" "The King of carven stone" "The King beneath the mountain" "Shall come into his own!" "BARD:" "And the bell shall ring in gladness" "At the Mountain" "King's return" "But all shall fail in sadness" "And the lake will shine and burn" "BILBO:" "What is this place?" "BALIN:" "It was once the city of Dale." "Now it is a ruin." "The desolation of Smaug." "The sun will soon reach midday." "We must find the hidden door into the mountain before it sets." "This way." "Wait." "Is this the overlook?" "Gandalf said to meet him here." " On no account were we to..." " Do you see him?" "We have no time to wait upon the Wizard." "We're on our own." "Come!" "THORIN:" "If the map is true the hidden door lies directly above us." "BILBO:" "Up here!" "You have keen eyes, Mr. Baggins." "THORIN:" "This must be it." "The hidden door." "Let all those who doubted us rue this day!" "Right, then." "We have a key." "Which means that somewhere there is a key-hole." "THORIN: "The last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the key-hole."" "Nori." "We're losing the light." "Come on." "NORI:" "Be quiet!" "I can't hear when you're thumping." "I can't find it." "It's not here!" "It's not here!" "THORIN:" "Break it down!" "DWALIN:" "Aye." "Come on!" "DWALIN:" "Break!" "It has to break." "BALIN:" "It's no good." "The door's sealed." "Can't be opened by force." "There's a powerful magic on it." "The last light!" "The key-hole!" "Thorin." "I know these walls." "These halls." "This stone." "You remember it Balin." "Chambers filled with golden light." "I remember." ""Herein lies the Seventh Kingdom of Durin's Folk." "May the Heart of the Mountain unite all Dwarves in defense of this home."" "The Throne of the King." "Ah." "And what's that above it?" "The Arkenstone." "Arkenstone." "And what's that?" "That, Master Burglar is why you are here." "You want me to find a jewel?" "A large, white jewel." "Yes." "That's it?" "Only, I imagine there's quite a few down there." "There is only one Arkenstone and you'll know it when you see it." "Right." "In truth, lad I do not know what you will find down there." "You needn't go if you don't want to." "There's no dishonor in turning back." "No, Balin." "I promised I would do this and I think I must try." "It never ceases to amaze me." "What's that?" "The courage of Hobbits." "Go now with as much luck as you can muster." "Oh, Bilbo?" "If there is, in fact a ... uhm a live dragon down there don't waken it." "Hello?" "He's not at home." "Not at home." "Ahem." "Good." "Good, good, good." "What's that?" "Shush." "Shush." "Arkenstone." "Arkenstone." "A large, white jewel." "Very helpful." "Well thief." "I smell you." "I hear your breath." "I feel your air." "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "Come, now don't be shy." "Step into the light." "Hmm." "There is something about you." "Something you carry." "Something made of gold." "But far more precious." "There you are Thief in the Shadows." "I did not come to steal from you O Smaug the Unassessably Wealthy." "I merely wanted to gaze upon your magnificence." "To see if you really were as great as the old tales say." "I did not believe them." "And do you now?" "!" "Truly the tales and songs fall utterly short of your enormity O Smaug the Stupendous." "Do you think flattery will keep you alive?" "No, no." "No, indeed." "You seem familiar with my name but I don't remember smelling your kind before." "Who are you and where do you come from may I ask?" "I come from under the hill." "Underhill?" "BILBO:" "And under hills and over hills my path has led." "And..." "And through the air." "I am he who walks unseen." "Impressive." "What else do you claim to be?" "I am..." "Luck-wearer." "Riddle-maker." "Lovely titles." "Go on." "Barrel-rider." "Barrels?" "Now that is interesting." "And what about your little Dwarf friends?" "Where are they hiding?" "Dwarves?" "No." "No, no." "No Dwarves here." "You've got that all wrong." "Oh, I don't think so, Barrel-rider!" "They sent you in here to do their dirty work while they skulk about outside." "Truly you are mistaken O Smaug, Chiefest and Greatest of Calamities." "You have nice manners for a thief and a liar!" "I know the smell and taste of Dwarf." "No one better!" "It is the gold!" "They are drawn to treasure like flies to dead flesh." "Did you think I did not know this day would come?" "!" "That a pack of canting Dwarves would come crawling back to the mountain?" "!" "The King Under the Mountain is dead." "I took his throne." "I ate his people like a wolf among sheep." "I kill where I wish,   when I wish." "My armor is iron." "My teeth are swords." "My claws are spears." "My Wings are a hurricane." "So it is true." "The Black Arrow found its mark." "What did you say?" "I was just saying your reputation precedes you, O Smaug the Tyrannical." "Truly." "You have no equal on this earth." "I am almost tempted to let you take it." "If only to see Oakenshield suffer." "Watch it destroy him." "Watch it corrupt his heart and drive him mad." "But I think not." "I think our little game ends here." "So tell me thief how do you choose to die?" " You're alive!" " Not for much longer." " Did you find the Arkenstone?" "The Arkenstone." " The dragon's coming." "Did you find it?" "SMAUG:" "You will burn!" "Run!" "DORI:" "Come on, Bilbo!" "You think you can deceive me, Barrel-rider?" "You have come from Lake-town." "This is some sordid scheme hatched between these filthy Dwarves and those miserable tub-trading Lakemen." "Those sniveling cowards with their long bows and Black Arrows." "Perhaps it is time I paid them a visit." "Oh, no." "This isn't their fault!" "Wait!" "You cannot go to Lake-town!" "You care about them do you?" "Good." "Then you can watch them die." "DORI:" "Was that an earthquake?" "That, my lad was a dragon." "Da?" "It's coming from the mountain." "I am fire." "I am death." "Are we going to die, Da?" "No, darling." "The dragon." "It's going to kill us." "Not if I kill it first." "Who are you that would stand against me?" "Tell me wretch how now shall you challenge me?" "You have nothing left but your death!" "What was that?" "What happened?" "It fell." "I saw it." "It's dead." "Smaug is dead." "GLOIN:" "By my beard I think he's right." "Look there!" "The Ravens of Erebor are returning to the Mountain." "BALIN:" "Aye." "Word will spread." "Before long every soul in Middle-earth will know the dragon is dead!" "MAN 1:" "You've saved us all!" "MAN 2:" "Bless you." "All hail to the Dragon-Slayer!" "All hail King Bard!" "I have said it many times." "This is a man of noble stock." " A born leader!" "BARD:" "Do not call me that." "I'm not Master of this town." "Where is he?" " Where's the Master?" "HILDA:" "Halfway down the Anduin." "With all our coin." "Winter is upon us." "We must look to our own." "To the sick and the helpless." "Those who can stand, tend to the wounded." "And those who have strength left, follow me." "We must salvage what we can." "What then?" "What'll we do then?" "We find shelter." "You are a genius, sire." "We can take refuge inside the Mountain." "It might smell a bit of dragon, but the women can clean that up." "It'll be safe and warm and dry and full of stores bedding, clothing the odd bit of gold." "What gold is in that Mountain is cursed." "We will take only what was promised to us." "Only what we need to rebuild our lives." "Come on!" "Keep moving and hurry along then." "My Lord Thranduil, we did not look..." " ...to see you here." " I heard you needed aid." "Here you go." "MAN 1:" "Pass it back." "MAN 2:" "Another one." "BARD:" "You have saved us." "I do not know how to thank you." "Your gratitude is misplaced." "I did not come on your behalf." "I came to reclaim something of mine." "There are gems in the Mountain that I, too, desire." "White gems of pure starlight." "BARD:" "Wait!" "Please wait!" "You would go to war over a handful of gems?" "The heirlooms of my people are not lightly forsaken." "We are allies in this." "My people also have a claim upon the riches in that Mountain." "Let me speak with Thorin." "You would try to reason with the Dwarf?" "To avoid war?" "Yes." "THORIN:" "Any sign of it?" "DWALIN:" "Nothing yet." "ORI:" "Nothing here." "THORIN:" "Keep searching!" "GLOIN:" "That jewel could be anywhere." "THORIN:" "The Arkenstone is in these halls." " Find it!" "DWALIN:" "You heard him." " Keep looking." "THORIN:" "All of you!" "No one rests until it is found." "DWALIN:" "We have searched and searched." "THORIN:" "Not well enough." "DWALIN:" "Thorin, we all would see the stone returned." "THORIN:" "And yet, it is still not found!" "Do you doubt the loyalty of anyone here?" "The Arkenstone is the birthright of our people." "It is The King's Jewel." "Am I not the king?" "Know this:" "If anyone should find it and withhold it from me I will be avenged." "THORIN:" "What is that?" "In your hand." "It's nothing." "Show me." "It..." "I picked it up in Beorn's garden." "You've carried it all this way?" "I'm gonna plant it in my garden." "In Bag End." "It's a poor prize to take back to the Shire." "One day, it'll grow." "And every time I look at it, I'll remember." "Remember everything that happened, the good, the bad and how lucky I am that I made it home." "Thorin, I..." "DWALIN:" "Thorin." "Survivors from Lake-town they're streaming into Dale." "There's hundreds of them." "Call everyone to the gate." "To the gate!" "Now!" "Hail, Thorin, son of Thrain." "We are glad to find you alive beyond hope." "Why do you come to the gates of the King under the Mountain armed for war?" "Why does the King under the Mountain fence himself in like a robber in his hold?" "THORIN:" "Perhaps it is because I am expecting to be robbed." "BARD:" "My lord we have not come to rob you but to seek fair settlement." "Will you not speak with me?" "I am listening." "On behalf of the people of Lake-town I ask that you honor your pledge." "A share of the treasure so that they might rebuild their lives." "I will not treat with any man while an armed host lies before my door." "That armed host will attack this Mountain if we do not come to terms." "And your threats do not sway me." "What of your conscience?" "Does it not tell you our cause is just?" "My people offered you help." "And in return, you brought upon them only ruin and death." "When did the men of Lake-town come to our aid but for the promise of rich reward?" "A bargain was struck!" "A bargain?" "What choice did we have but to barter our birthright for blankets and food?" "To ransom our future in exchange for our freedom?" "You call that a fair trade?" "Tell me Bard the Dragon-Slayer why should I honor such terms?" "Because you gave us your word." "Does that mean nothing?" "Be gone!" "Ere our arrows fly!" "BILBO:" "What are you doing?" "You cannot go to war." " This does not concern you." " Excuse me but in case you haven't noticed, there is an army of Elves out there." "Not to mention several hundred angry fishermen." "We are, in fact, outnumbered." "Not for much longer." "What does that mean?" "It means, Master Baggins you should never underestimate Dwarves." "Would you buy it with the blood of Dwarves?" "It won't come to that." " This is a fight they cannot win." "BILBO:" "That won't stop them." "You think the Dwarves will surrender?" "They won't." "They will fight to the death to defend their own." "Bilbo Baggins." "THRANDUIL:" "If I'm not mistaken this is the Halfling who stole the keys to my dungeons from under the nose of my guards." "Yes." "Sorry about that." "I came to give you this." "The Heart of the Mountain." "The King's Jewel." "And worth a king's ransom." "How is this yours to give?" "I took it as my 14th share of the treasure." "BARD:" "Why would you do this?" "You owe us no loyalty." "I'm not doing it for you." "I know that Dwarves can be obstinate and pigheaded and difficult." "They're suspicious and secretive with the worst manners you can possibly imagine but they are also brave and kind and loyal to a fault." "I've grown very fond of them and I would save them if I can." "Now, Thorin values this stone above all else." "In exchange for its return, I believe he will give you what you are owed." "There will be no need for war." "We have come to tell you payment of your debt has been offered and accepted." "THORIN:" "What payment?" "I gave you nothing." "You have nothing." "We have this." "KILI:" "They have the Arkenstone." "Thieves!" "How came you by the heirloom of our house?" "That stone belongs to the king!" "The king may have it with our goodwill." "But first he must honor his word." "They are taking us for fools." "This is a ruse." "A filthy lie." "The Arkenstone is in this Mountain!" "It is a trick!" "BILBO:" "It's no trick." "The stone is real." "I gave it to them." "You?" "I took it as my 14th share." "You would steal from me?" "Steal from you?" "No." "No, I may be a burglar, but I like to think I'm an honest one." "I'm willing to let it stand against my claim." "Against your claim?" "Your claim." "You have no claim over me, you miserable rat!" "I was going to give it to you." " Many times I wanted to, but..." " But what thief?" "You are changed, Thorin." "The Dwarf I met in Bag End would never have gone back on his word." "Would never have doubted the loyalty of his kin!" "Do not speak to me of loyalty." "Throw him from the rampart!" "Did you not hear me?" "I will do it myself." "Curse you!" "No!" "Cursed be the Wizard..." " ...that forced you on this company!" " If you don't like my burglar then please don't damage him." "Return him to me." "You're not making a very splendid figure as King under the Mountain are you, Thorin son of Thrain?" "THORIN:" "Never again will I have dealings with Wizards!" "Go." "Or Shire rats!" "BARD:" "Are we resolved?" "The return of the Arkenstone for what was promised?" "Give us your answer." "Will you have peace or war?" "I will have war." "Ironfoot." "Who is that?" "He doesn't look very happy." "It is Dain, Lord of the Iron Hills." "Thorin's cousin." "Are they alike?" "I've always found Thorin the more reasonable of the two." "DAIN:" "Good morning." "How are we all?" "I have a wee proposition if you wouldn't mind giving me a few moments of your time." "Would you consider just sodding off?" "All of you!" "Right now!" "Stand fast." "Come now, Lord Dain." "Gandalf the Grey." "Tell this rabble to leave or I'll water the ground with their blood!" "There is no need for war between Dwarves, Men and Elves." "A legion of Orcs march on the Mountain." "Stand your army down." "I will not stand down before any Elf." "Not least this faithless Woodland sprite." "He wishes nothing but ill upon my people." "If he chooses to stand between me and my kin I'll split his pretty head open!" "See if he's still smirking then." "He's clearly mad, like his cousin." "You hear that, lads?" "We're on!" "Let's give these bastards a good hammering!" "[SHOUTING IN DWARVISH]" "Oh, come on." "The hordes of hell are upon us!" "To battle!" "To battle, sons of Durin!" "The Elves." "Will they not fight?" "GANDALF:" "Thranduil!" "This is madness!" "[SHOUTING IN DWARVISH]" "BILBO:" "Uh, Gandalf?" "Is this a good place to stand?" "BARD:" "All of you!" "Fall back to Dale!" "Now!" "GANDALF:" "To the city!" "Bilbo!" "This way!" "Orcs are storming over the causeway!" "Get the bowmen to the eastern parapet." "Hold them off as long as you can." "Archers!" "This way!" "The Orcs have taken Stone Street!" "The market's overrun!" "Thorin." "DAIN:" "To the king!" "To the king!" "The Dwarves." "They're rallying." "They're rallying to their king." "Any man who wants to give their last follow me!" "Fall back!" "The Eagles." "THORIN:" "Bilbo." "BILBO:" "No." "Don't move." "Don't move." "Lie still." "Oh." "Mm." "Mm." "I'm glad you are here." " Shh, shh." " Unh." "I wish to part from you in friendship." "No." "You are not going anywhere, Thorin." "You're going to live." "I would take back my words and my deeds at the Gate." "You did what only a true friend would do." "Forgive me." "I was too blind to see it." "I am so sorry that I have led you into such peril." "No, I'm glad to have shared in your perils, Thorin." "Each and every one of them." "It is far more than any Baggins deserves." "Farewell Master Burglar." "Go back to your books." "And your armchair." "Plant your trees." "Watch them grow." "If more people valued home above gold this world would be a merrier place." "No." "No, no, no." "No." "Thorin." "Thorin, don't you dare." "Thorin." "Thorin." "Thorin, hold on." "Hold on, please." "The Eagles..." "The Eagles..." "The Eagles are here." "Thorin?" "The Ea..." "BALIN:" "There is to be a great feast tonight." "Songs will be sung." "Tales will be told." "And Thorin Oakenshield will pass into legend." "I know that's how you must honor him." "But to me, he was never that." "He was..." "To me he was..." "Well I think I'll slip quietly away." "Will you tell the others I said goodbye?" "You can tell them yourself." "If any of you are ever passing Bag End, uh tea is at 4." "There's plenty of it." "You are welcome anytime." "Uh..." "Don't bother knocking." "GANDALF:" "Ah, the borders of the Shire." "It is here I must leave you." "That's a shame." "I quite liked having a Wizard around." "Seems they bring good luck." "You don't really suppose, do you, that all your adventures and escapes were managed by mere luck?" "Magic rings should not be used lightly, Bilbo." "Don't take me for a fool." "I know you found one in the Goblin tunnels." "And I've kept my eye on you ever since." "Well, thank goodness." "Farewell, Gandalf." "Farewell." "You, uh..." "You needn't worry about that ring." "Fell out of my pocket during the battle." "I lost it." "You're a very fine person, Mr. Baggins." "And I'm very fond..." "But you're only quite a little fellow in a wide world after all." "Wait a minute, that's my mother's glory box." "And that's my dining chair." "Ah..." "Put that pouf down!" "What is going on?" "WORRYWORT:" "Hello Mr. Bilbo." "You're not supposed to be here." "What do you mean?" "On account of you being presumed dead and all." "I am not dead." "Presumed or otherwise." "WORRYWORT:" "I'm not sure that's permitted." "Mr. Bilbo!" "TOSSER:" "Twenty-one!" "Any advance on 21?" "Any advance on 21?" "Ha, ha!" "Sold to Mrs. Bolger." "Somewhere for Fatty to put his feet on." "So who I have any bids for this?" "This is Shire-made." "None of your Dwarvish reproductions here." "BILBO:" "Stop!" "Stop!" " There's been a mistake!" "LOBELIA:" "Who are you, young son?" "What do you mean:" "Who am I?" "You know perfectly well who I am Lobelia Sackville-Baggins." "This is my home." "And those are my spoons." "Thank you very much." "TOSSER:" "This is most irregular." " Excuse me." "TOSSER:" "It's been more than 13 months since the disappearance." "If you are in fact Bilbo Baggins and undeceased can you prove it?" "What?" "Well, uh, something official with your name on it would suffice." "All right." "Right." "A contract of employment as a bur..." "Never mind as what." "There." "My signature." "Yes, well..." "Uh..." "Well, it certainly seems to be in order." "Yes." "Seems there can be no doubt." "Who is this you pledged your service to?" "Thorin Oakenshield?" "He..." "He was my friend."