"The following is a true story." "The people are actual people." "Their names are their actual names." "Everything has been thoroughly researched and verified." "Dave and Andrew are best friends." "They'd been best since they were 9 years old." "Andrew was an extremely nervous young man." "He was afraid of just about everything." "Dave was totally self-centred and could never get things to go his way." "Neither of them were popular with other kids." "And it wasn't long before they realized that their best chance of survival was sticking together." "Tragically, Andrew's anxieties grew worse after his parents died." "Soon he became afraid to even leave his house." "Like everything else he attempted," "Dave's dream of becoming a rock star... was met with unequivocal rejection." "Completely broke and with nowhere else to go," "Dave moved in with Andrew, who was himself in desperate need of help." "With Dave there to provide the basic necessities for living, and Andrew there to provide the support of a good friend," "Dave braved the outside world and found employment." "And Andrew was able to stay in the safety of their home by working as an online travel agent." "After a life-long struggle with society," "Dave and Andrew had finally found happiness... together." "Sadly, nothing lasts forever." "I'm moving out." "What?" "I'm moving out, with Sarah." "With Sarah?" "Yeah, with Sarah." "Didn't I tell you?" "No." "I'm pretty sure that I did." " No." "You didn't." " I think I did." "I swear!" "You didn't!" "And I'm telling you I did." " You didn't!" " I did." "Didn't!" "You really didn't!" "Ah, I could've sworn I did." "Anyway..." "But you've only known her for 2 weeks!" "What can I tell you?" "We're in love." "You can't leave!" "You'll be fine." "No!" "No, I won't!" "I'll kill myself!" "You'll be fine." "Why are you doing this?" " It doesn't matter." " Yes!" "Yes, it does." "I just want to know why you're abandoning me." "I'm not abandoning you." "Yes, you are!" "I'm moving on with my life." "But it's garbage day!" "Then you take it out!" "I can't!" "You'll be fine!" "Ladies." "Come on, girls." "Don't speak to the strange man." "Oh!" "Loser!" "Aw..." "I can do this." "I can." "I can do this." "Oh God!" "Oh God!" "Oh God!" "Oh God!" "Wire is what we are." "Wire is what we do." "'Morning." "John Morfit, line 2." "Line 2." "John Bigbutte, please call reception." "Hey, how'd you guys do that?" "That's, that's great!" "I thought it funny when you glued the chair to the floor, but this - it's incredible!" "Well done." "That's just great." "Ah!" "Hey, mister, are you OK?" "Ah!" "Mister?" "I..." "I..." "I..." "locked myself... out!" "Don't worry." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Little girl?" "Hello?" "Hello?" "It's OK, Mister." "You can come in now." "Ah!" "Ah!" "Crawford wants to see you." "What?" "Why?" "Well, maybe it's about the promotion?" "I mean, I've really been busting my ass around here lately, so..." "Uh... yeah." "That's probably what it is." "You wanted to see me, sir?" "Dave!" "Get your crafty ass in here!" "You thirsty?" "Want something to drink?" "No, I'm fine." "Thanks." "He's fine!" "Heh-heh." "I like that!" "I like that!" "So, uh..." "You do know why you're here, right?" "I think so." "He thinks so!" "That's great stuff!" "Great stuff!" "Who knew you had it in you?" "Well, I..." "Scrawny little ugly guy like you?" "Little mousy guy, hiding in the shadows, eating cheese, begging for crumbs?" "Who knew?" "But you're stupid, aren't you, Dave?" "Huh?" "You're an idiot." "A moron." "Jackass." "Heh-heh!" "End of the day, you think it's morning." "What?" "Did you think we wouldn't find out?" "Find out about what?" "About the promotion?" "Promotion?" "For you?" "Well, I thought..." "You embezzle $27,369.27 from the company and you want a promotion?" "You're amazing!" "What?" "!" "Hold on a second!" "I didn't embezzle anything!" "Well, sure you did!" "It's all right here." "It's got to be a mistake!" "I don't think so." "I don't think the authorities will either." "Authorities?" "That's right, Dave." "Authorities." "Is there anything else I can get you?" "No!" "No." "Thank you." "I'm fine." "What about something to eat?" "No, really." "Everything's fine." "Maybe you should just leave." "I don't know, Mister." "You were pretty shaken up." "Maybe I should stay and look after you for a little while." "I am a Fireside Girl." "No." "I just don't like going outside, that's all." "And I'm not very good with people, so I think it would be better if you just left." "I'm going to make you something to eat." "No!" "Please, just leave." "Asshole!" "You lost your job?" "Baby, they got nothing on me!" "I'm clean!" "I can't believe this is happening." "Don't worry." "I didn't do anything." "Besides," "I've got much bigger news to tell you!" "Oh yeah?" "What's that?" "I'm moving in!" "Look, I know the timing of all of this is a little weird, but I think it just depends on how you look at it." "You were always complaining about how we never had time to see each other." "Well, now Andrew's out of my life." "And as far as the job goes, well, I can always get another job." "Maybe I could work at your place!" "I could be a short-order cook!" "And we could spend our days and nights together." "Huh?" "Baby, you're not moving in with me!" "I'm moving in with you!" "I embezzled the money from your work." "What?" "I used your password to get into the accounting software at your office." "And over the last two weeks wired $27,369.27 to an account in Zurich." "Can you hand me that?" "You did?" "I made sure all the evidence points to you." "You should probably get a lawyer." "Thanks." "This is some kind of joke, right?" "Baby, you love me." "You're a loser, Dave." "I never even liked you." "Oh!" "Argh!" "Goddamn it!" "Damn it!" "Damn it!" "Damn it!" "Damn it all to hell!" ""Tonga is the crown jewel of the South Pacific," ""a paradise not only perfect for romance..." ""But also to bring out the adventure in all of us." ""In fact, I just got back a couple of days ago myself."" "Ow!" "Hello?" " Are you still there?" " Yes!" " Is something wrong?" " No, no." "Nothing." "Just the, um... sunburn from the vacation." "Yeah, you've got to put the lotion on, even when it's cloudy." "Especially when it's cloudy!" "Uh, well, I'll make your reservations and call you back to confirm everything." "Thank you!" "Yes?" "May I speak with you for a minute?" "Is this the man?" "You are so fucked!" "I'll make sure you spend the rest of your life in prison, you sick son of a bitch!" "What?" "What are you talking about?" "You kissed my little girl." "No!" "No, I didn't!" "I never touched her!" "Never touched her!" "What's this?" "Yeah, that's what I thought." "Come on, honey." "Andrew!" "Andrew?" "Andrew!" "Andrew?" "Andrew!" "Oh!" "Dave!" "What are you doing here?" "I came to apologize, OK?" "I'm an idiot." "You're not the reason my life sucks." "They are." "It's always been them." "Here's what I think we should do." "Here's what I think we should do!" "We're gonna sell the house, we're gonna take the money, and we are gonna disappear!" "Where will we go?" "I don't know." "Greece!" "Spain!" "Sernftal-Bahn Glannerland!" "Where ever you want!" "As long as it's far enough so no one can bother us." "What about Sarah?" "She dumped me." "Oh." "I'm sorry." "Yeah." "So what do you say?" "I can't!" "You know I can't!" "Yes, you can." "You have to!" "Come on, this place is killing us." "I don't know." "It's not that bad." "Wha...?" "Is that a noose?" "Heh!" "What do you think, huh?" "Shouldn't we call a real-estate agent or something?" "Screw that!" "They just do what we did." "Put an ad in the paper and a sign on the lawn." "This is much quicker and they don't get a piece of our pie." "All we have to do now is sit back and watch the place sell itself." "What's going on up here?" "Come on!" "Packy-packy!" "I don't know if I can do this." "Sure you can." "Think about it." "Stretches of empty beaches going on for miles and miles." "No phones, no cars, no freeways, no people." "No one at all." "Is this your suit?" "Well, we'll get you a new one when we get there, huh?" "OK?" "You're here about the house." "As a matter of fact, I am." "Newspaper ad, or the sign?" "The newspaper, actually." "This is for you." "So you've already written a number down on a piece of paper?" "Why don't you take a look at the offer, see if it's acceptable." "Oh my God!" "That good, huh?" "Let me see." "What the hell is this?" "It's a notice of demolition." "You have to vacate these premises or be forcibly removed." "What?" "Why?" "We're tearing it down." "The house?" "Who's "we"?" "The city, in accordance with Section 37, Bylaw 3t 5, which states that no area may be zoned for residential purposes within 100 yards of a freeway." "This house can't be here." "But it is here." "But not for long." "This is my house!" "You can't just take it away!" "Not without paying for it." " We would pay for it..." " Right." "But our records say this address doesn't exist." "Of course it exists!" "Not according to our records, see?" "Well, if it doesn't exist, how can you tear it down?" "Because it's in violation of Section 37, Bylaw 315!" "You have until 3:00!" "Today?" "3:00 today?" "You can't do this!" "Sir, this house is a hazard to vehicular traffic." "It has to go." "Oh..." "Maybe we should call a lawyer." "Don't be stupid!" "Or..." "I don't know." "Uh..." "Sorry." "Don't answer it!" "It's probably them!" "What are we gonna do?" "I don't know." "I'm thinking!" "It's not 3:00." "It's not 3:00!" "It's not 3:00!" "Stupid pencil-pushing bureaucrats!" "Listen, pal!" "We're here to tear down your house." "You ladies got any beer?" "No." "And if I did, I wouldn't give you any!" "Can you believe that guy?" "Don't answer it!" "Listen, pal!" "Dave Johnson?" "Yes?" "You're under arrest." "For embezzlement." "Oh." "Hang on a sec, let me just get my horse." "Shit!" "Embezzlement?" "It's nothing." "This is the police!" "Come out of the house!" "Shit!" "Shit!" " What'll you do?" " I don't know!" "I'm thinking!" "We know you're in there, Andrew." "What did you do?" "Nothing!" "This guy is going to rot in fucking hell!" "I didn't kiss her!" "I didn't kiss anybody!" "Fire!" "Stan!" "It's OK, Stan." "Shit!" "Oh!" "It's not 3:00!" "This is the Department of Housing." "This house is in violation of..." "Why are you doing this?" "!" "Why won't you leave us alone?" "!" "Leave us alone!" "What the hell's going on?" "I don't know." "What are you doing?" "Dave, what are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "!" "Shhh!" "What?" "What is it?" "Oh my God!" "What's the matter?" "I think you'd better look at this." "Oh my God!" "What is it?" "I don't know." "What is it?" "I don't know!" "What are you doing?" "Dave, what the hell are you doing?" "You don't know what's out there!" "You don't know anything!" "Dave!" "Dave!" "Answer me!" "Dave?" "Ugh!" "What the hell is it?" "Yes!" "That's it!" "The news!" "They'll tell us what's happening!" " What channel is CNN?" " Uh..." "I don't know." "I don't know!" "Why aren't they interrupting this shit to tell us what's going on?" "Maybe they're not because they're all dead!" "Hey!" "Let's not jump to conclusions." "We don't know anything." "For all we know, this could just be on our street." "OK, fine!" "Then where's everybody on our street?" "Are they dead?" "I don't know!" "I'm trying to find out!" "Oh my God!" "Maybe we're dead!" "Yes!" "That's it!" "It's us!" "It's you and me!" "We're the ones who are dead!" "Andrew!" "We can't be dead!" "We have cable!" "Dead." "I knew it!" "Not us." "It." "How long do you think you'll be?" "I don't know." "As long as it takes." "An hour?" "A day?" "A week?" "Andrew, I don't know." "All I know is I gotta go out there and find someone or something, 'cause the food we've got isn't gonna last." "And if we sit around doing nothing, we're gonna die." "Maybe it'll all just come back?" "That's not a chance I'm willing to take." "These things, supposed to work up to 2 miles." "I'm hoping with nothing to obscure the signal, we'll get a lot more." "You've got to monitor my transmissions at all times." "If I get in trouble out there, you're my lifeline back here at home base." "Over." "What kind of trouble?" "What kind of trouble?" "Over." "I don't know." "I have no idea what's out there and I'm not taking any chances." "I've got be prepared for anything." "Over." "All right." "Ah!" "Are you OK?" "Over!" "I'm OK." "Over." "Oh..." "Whoa." "Hold down the fort." "Over." "Bye." "Over." "Bye." "Over." "Good luck!" "Over." "Be careful!" "Over." "Ah!" "Ooh!" "Ah!" "Dave?" "Over." "Yeah?" "Over." "Wait up." "Over." "7:00." "Been walking for 2 and a half hours." "Still no sign of anything." "No people or signs of people." "No animals or signs of animals." "No anything." "As far as the surface goes, it's..." "It's kind of bouncy." "It's like..." "Tofu." "What?" "Tofu." "I've never actually had it, but I think maybe this is what it would feel like to walk on." "You're right." "The nothingness looks, feels and bounces like tofu." "Which, ironically, tastes like nothing." "I'm getting hungry." "No food for another 2 hours!" "We've been walking for 34 hours." "And yet, I'm still unable to determine where the light is coming from." "The sun, the moon, from above, from beneath?" "Why don't you tell them that we ran out of food?" "And yet the light continues to illuminate the vast expanse of emptiness to the north." "Tell them how we haven't eaten anything for 12 hours!" "Hang on a second." "It also continues to illuminate the vast expanse of emptiness, the nothing, if you will, to the south." "And also the nothingness to the east and west." "Tell them how we have nothing to mark a trail with." "Andrew, please." "The air quality seems stable and yet air pressure seems non-existent." "It is neither hot nor cold." "Tell them how if we keep going, we're going lose the trail, get lost, and die!" "Shut up!" "We're able to walk without falling through into more nothing." "But the surface itself is also nothing." "Yes!" "Nothing!" "They get it!" "There's nothing!" "There's nothing out here, and there's nothing to say!" "Idiot!" "That's our legacy!" "Ugh!" "Whoa!" "Ahh!" "Waaah!" "Wooo!" "Ahhh!" "Woo!" "Woo!" "Woo!" "Ahh!" "Ugh!" "Woo-hoo!" "Where's the trail?" "Huh?" "The trail!" "Where's... where's the trail?" "!" "We're dead." "It's over." "Shit!" "Shit!" "Shit!" "I knew you'd be a liability." "I know, I know, you came up with the whole trail-idea thing." "But now because of you, we can't find it!" "OK, it's gotta be around here somewhere." "I'm gonna do a 360-degree search using you as my point of reference, OK?" "So you can't move!" "Think you can handle that?" "Just don't move!" "Hey!" "Look what I found!" "Andrew?" "Andrew?" "Andrew!" "Andrew?" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Hey." "I just saw a candy bar." "A what?" "Candy bar!" "We didn't bring any candy bars." "There." "Candy bar." "I don't believe it!" "That's no candy bar, buddy!" "That's a dwelling of some sort!" "You did it!" "You saved us!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "Candy bar!" "You're right!" "It is a dwelling of some sort!" "Maybe there's someone there." "Maybe they know what's going on." "Maybe they have food!" "What if there is someone there, and they do have food, but they won't give us any?" "Why wouldn't they?" "Would you?" "The world disappears, you're the only ones left, two complete strangers wearing nothing but underwear and a samurai sword coming knocking on your door looking for food that you desperately need to survive?" "You'll just open the door and let them in?" "Fuck that!" "We got trouble." "Think they can see us?" "Get down!" "They could be friendly." "Maybe." "A relief in the knowledge that someone else is alive." "They could be grateful." "We'll go up, knock on the door, register the situation, check it out." "At the first sign of trouble, first sign, no mercy." "You understand what I'm saying?" "Yeah." "So say it." "No mercy." "You sound like a Frenchman!" "Say it like you mean it!" "No mercy!" "Argh!" "You ever killed a man?" "What?" "!" "No!" "Have you?" "Oh yeah." "You have?" "In here, plenty of times." "I'm saying you got to be mentally prepared, because it might get bloody in there." "Bloody?" "Yeah, bloody." "Now say something funny." "What?" "You say something funny, I laugh, you laugh, and we look like two guys out for a stroll around the neighbourhood." "Not two guys ready to take another human's life without a moment's hesitation." "That looks like our house." "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "Ho!" "Ho!" "Ho!" "That's funny!" "Oh yeah!" "Ha!" "Ha!" "No!" "It really does look like our house!" "You're right." "We've walked in a complete circle!" "We're home?" "Home!" " Wait!" " What?" "What if someone's in there?" "Oh my God!" "You're right!" "We've been gone for almost 2 days." "We left a note on the door saying, "Make yourself at home."" "What if someone came in and did just that?" " Made themselves at home?" " Yes!" " They'd still be in there." " Waiting for us!" "The bastards!" "They know we're coming back, but they don't know when." "We have the element of surprise." "And they don't know that we know that they're in there!" "I'm gonna go around." "Wait for my signal and charge in from the back." "I'll come in the front." "They won't know what hit 'em!" "Great!" "Andrew!" "Whatever you do, don't fall asleep." " Wait!" " What?" "What's the signal?" "Don't worry." "You'll know." "Andrew!" "Go around the back!" "Arrgh!" "Arrgh!" "Easy, buddy." "Easy." "It's all clear." "Are you sure?" "Sure I'm sure." "Oh, thank God." "What the...?" "Oh God!" "No!" " Oh, Andrew!" " Ah!" "Andrew!" "Go around the back!" "Arrgh!" "Arrgh!" "Easy, buddy." "Easy." "It's all clear." "Are you sure?" "Sure I'm sure." "Like hell it is." "Ugh!" "Kill me." "Ahh!" "Ahh!" "Arrgh!" "Arrgh!" " Who the fuck are you?" " Who the fuck are you?" " Name?" " Andrew!" "What's my favourite colour?" " Blue!" " Colour blind!" "Don't have one!" "Maybe we slipped into another dimension?" "There has to be something to eat!" "Like through a... portal." "Or something." "There's nothing to eat!" "Space-time continuum." "Where's the food?" "!" "A black hole!" "Or a red dwarf!" "Time warp!" "Maybe we fell into some kind of time warp." "That's it!" "Yes!" "Maybe that's it!" "We were abducted by aliens!" "And they've taken us back to their planet and put us in some kind of zoo." "With a sign that says, "Don't feed the humans."" "Which is crazy, because we'll die, and who's gonna want to go to the zoo to see two dead humans?" "Unless they're gonna eat us." "But why wouldn't they want to fatten us up before the slaughter?" "Unless they are feeding us!" "And we just don't know it!" "Or they're not feeding us, and they're just waiting and watching to see how we'll react to what they'll do!" "What are you doing?" "I'm making a trap!" " For what?" "!" " The food!" "The food, you idiot!" "The food!" "Oh my God, we're gonna die." "For once, I don't think you're overreacting." "For as long as I can remember I've been afraid of going outside." "And now it's not there, but I won't be around to enjoy it not being there." "No kidding." "It would be so amazing." "No traffic, no work." "No telephone solicitors." "No taxes." "No responsibilities." "No people." "No nothing." "But cable." "Yeah, cable." "And video games." "Yeah." "Too bad we're gonna die." "It's back!" "The disappearing thing's back!" "Get down!" "What?" "The clock!" "It disappeared!" "Get down!" "I did it." "What?" "I made the clock disappear." "You didn't." "The disappearing thing did." "No." "No, it was me." "I did this." "It's my fault." "This whole thing is my fault!" "What are you talking about?" "I was sitting there, listening to the clock counting down the final minutes to our death." "I was thinking how much I hated it." "And then it disappeared." "And that's what happened when the world disappeared." "I was thinking about how much I hated it, and then it was gone." "Oh God." "It's my fault!" "I don't know how, but I did this." "I did this." "Oh God, I'm so sorry!" "Oh, I'm so sorry!" "I'm so sorry!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Just hold on, Mr. Big Shot." "You're not the only one who was thinking how much he hated the world just before it disappeared." "You were thinking the same thing?" "Exactly the same thing." "Were you thinking about the clock that way too?" "Well, no." "But so what?" "I can make something disappear if I want to." "Do it!" "Fine, I will." "There!" "Bills." "Hah!" "You did it!" "You made the bills disappear!" "I know what you're saying." "The clock was a bigger object, but the bills were the only thing I really hated..." "No!" "No!" "It's great!" "It's both of us." "You and me." "We did this!" "We made the world disappear." "You're right." "We are gods!" " Too bad we're still gonna die." " Screw that!" "We're gods!" "We can do whatever we want!" "We can make thing disappear, I'm sure we can bring things back." "Like food?" " Yeah, why not?" " Yeah!" "Yeah, OK!" "One, two, three." "Arrrgh!" "Oh!" "Maybe it's in the kitchen." "Shit!" "It would've been so perfect." "I'm not hungry anymore." "Oh my God..." "neither am I." "You think maybe we..." "Hated away our hunger?" "We did." "We did." "We hated away the hunger." "Maybe we are gods." "Yeah!" "Ah!" "Why us?" "Why did this happen to us?" "I'm sure there are a lot of other people that hated the world too." "Why did we get this..." " Power?" " Yeah." "I don't know." "I don't know how a light bulb works." "And where did it all go?" "Away." "But away to where?" "I don't know." "Where the socks go?" "Or maybe we're on pause." "What?" "Like a video game." "You hit the pause button, and everything just stays in that one place and to the characters that one moment becomes their whole world, because it's the only thing that exists to them." "Do you think the characters ever know they're on pause?" "They don't know anything." "They do what they're programmed to do." "Yeah, but if they were real, you think they'd want to be on pause like that forever?" "I'm trying to play a game here." "Sorry." "You know what your problem is?" "Your problem is you think too much." "It's always been that way." "Even when we were kids, you were always thinking." "About what?" "We're kids!" "All we had to do was worry about having fun." "Not you." "Like that class trip we took to the Science Centre." "We looked at our skin through those super-strong microscopes." "Saw all those tiny, freaky, monster bugs crawling around." "And you start obsessing that maybe we were tiny, freaky monster bugs crawling around on someone else's skin." "And they were looking at us through the microscope." "And the people watching us were tiny, freaky monster bugs to the people who were watching them." "And the people watching them were tiny, freaky monster bugs crawling around on someone else's skin and they were watching them." "And the people watching them were tiny, freaky monster bugs crawling around on someone else's skin and they were watching them through a microscope." "So while everyone else was making their hair stand up in the air and having fun by touching the big silver ball, you were totally freaking out." "Remember?" "Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" "Or are you too busy thinking?" "Andrew?" "Ah!" "Ugh!" "Andrew?" "What's going on?" "What the hell are you doing?" "I don't know." "I just don't know." "Jesus Christ, buddy, this is paradise!" "I know, I know." "And it's still not enough." "It should be, but it isn't." " The last thing I need is to be walking around having a great time and have to worry about you killing yourself!" "Or what if you start hating things away?" "Things I like?" "You'd ruin everything." "You'd undo everything that we..." " Undid?" " Yes, exactly!" "I'm sorry." "I really am." "We have to fix this." "You need professional help." "This isn't working." "And why do you think that is?" "I don't know." "Maybe because you're not a psychiatrist?" "Hmm." "And how does that make you feel?" "It makes me feel like I'm talking to someone who's not a psychiatrist." "Hmm." "Why do you think you feel that way?" "Because you're not a psychiatrist!" "I took psychology!" "One class in community college!" "Wait." "Maybe I need to open up to you." "What?" "Something's going on in that brain of yours and it's driving you crazy." "And we're never gonna find out what it is unless you start sharing." "So, maybe I need to open up to you for you to feel more comfortable with me." "OK." "You know how I'm always telling you about me and Katie McFarland under the bleachers?" "Yeah." "Well, it didn't happen exactly like I've been saying." "I never told anybody this, but what actually happened that day is the worst experience of my life." "I know." "No, you don't know." "Even thinking about it now is so horrible." "I just hate it." "Dave, I know what happened." "Huh?" "Everyone knew!" "I never wanted to say anything because I didn't want to make it worse for you, but..." "What are you talking about?" "Come on!" "A dog gave you a blow job." "Did you really think you could keep that a secret?" "A dog gave me a blow job?" "What are you talking about?" "You and Katie McFarland, under the bleachers." "Katie passed you a note in class to meet her under the bleachers." "She got you to... close your eyes and..." "drop your pants." "And you thought she was giving you a blow job." "But then you heard laughing and when you opened your eyes, the entire football team was watching." "And it wasn't Katie down there, it was the school mascot," "Lancelot." "The Great Dane?" "Yeah." "Was giving me a blow job?" " Yes!" " Have you lost your mind?" "I think I'd remember if Lancelot gave me a blow job!" "Oh my God!" "You made it disappear!" "What?" "The memory of Lancelot giving you a blow job!" "Read my lips!" "No dog ever gave me a blow job!" "Yes!" "Lancelot did!" "But you can't remember, because you made it disappear!" " I did?" " Yeah!" "You hated away a memory, just like we hated away everything else." "Wow." "Maybe that's what I need to do." "What?" "What do you got?" "Uh... nothing." "Come on." "It's embarrassing." "It can't be more embarrassing than a dog giving me a blow job." "Can it?" "OK." "Maybe you're right." "I guess there are a few things." "Be a good boy for your babysitter." "Grrr..." "Dry your hair before you go outside and play, dear." "Good boy!" "That's it!" "Very nice!" "You want to look nice for your birthday party, don't you?" "What a lovely boy!" "Aren't you clever?" "Don't let the bedbugs bite!" "Jesus!" "Christ, man, I had no idea!" "Yeah." "I guess I've just blocked most of that stuff out." "Well, it's time to get rid of it." "Yes." "Yes, it is." "How do you feel?" "Good." "Yeah?" "I feel much better." "Mm-hmm..." "Woo-hoo!" "I don't think that's such a hot idea!" "Why not?" "Because you're jumping really high!" "You're gonna hurt yourself!" "I'll be fine!" "Woo!" "Hey!" "How'd you do that?" "I don't know!" "I'm not afraid anymore and the music's just coming out of me!" "OK." "What do I have to do?" "I'm not really sure." "By getting rid of all those memories," "I feel more confident, stronger, not afraid of making mistakes." "You've got to find something that's holding you back on the drums." "I got it." "Ready?" "Shit!" "Are you hating away a specific memory?" "Because..." "Wait." "This is it." "Ha!" "It kind of sounds the same." "Yeah, it sucks!" "But now, I don't care." "I'm no good." "I'll never be any good." "I just hated away the fact that I give a shit." "Yes!" "Yes, that's it!" "Ha!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "Hey!" "Oh, sorry." "You did that on purpose!" "What do you mean?" "I was about to beat you for the first time, and you shut off the game!" " No, I didn't." " Yes, you did!" "Well, it was an accident." "I can't believe this!" "I was going to win!" "Fine." "You want to play again?" "Fine!" "Let's play again!" "Well, not if you're gonna be like that!" "What is it?" "What's going on?" "If Sarah hadn't dumped you, you would've moved in with her, right?" "What?" "If Sarah hadn't dumped you, you would've moved in with her." "Yeah, I guess." "What time is it?" "Would you have ever come back?" "What?" "To visit." "To hang out." "To see how I was doing." "Would you have come back?" "Yeah, of course." "You sure?" " Of course I'm sure." " Huh." "Why are you asking all these stupid questions?" "No reason." "Just curious." "Thinking about things." "I'm going to go for a run." "A run?" "Yeah." "Like running around?" "Like jogging?" " Yes." " Now?" "You've never jogged a day in your life." "I do now." "You been getting rid of more stuff?" "You know, changing things, deleting things, editing things on the inside?" "You have, haven't you?" "So?" "So, you should be careful." "It's making you weird." "Whatever." "Ah..." "I'd rather be dead than be what you are!" "Andrew?" "We have a pact!" "Andrew?" "Andrew?" "Andrew!" "Andrew!" "Andrew?" "Andrew!" "Oh crap!" "You did it, didn't you?" "You made yourself disappear!" "I told you not to mess with that stuff, but you wouldn't listen!" "You went too far!" "You..." "Goddamn it!" "See you later pal" "Because you've gone away" "You didn't listen to what I say" "Gone away" "Gone away" "Maybe next time" "You'll listen what I say" "That's for you, buddy." "I wasn't actually sure what to do since there was nothing left of you to bury." "So I just put together a few of your favourite things." "Your lucky game controller." "That's it, actually." "I couldn't think of anything else you really liked, so I just kind of stopped there." "You're a good friend." "A great friend." "I never told you that." "I should've." "Meant to." "I did." "I think... maybe I could've been a better friend to you." "And there were... times where maybe I... kind of took advantage of your generosity." "And there were times... where maybe I kind of took advantage of your sickness." "Uh, handicap." "The truth is that when I was moving out the other day," "I wasn't planning on coming back." "I knew it!" "Andrew?" "Is that you, buddy?" "You're damn right it is!" "Andrew?" "You're alive!" "What the hell is this?" "What the hell's going on?" "I'll tell you what's going on!" "I finally clued in that you've been using me!" "What?" "I never used you!" "You just said so!" "You said you took advantage of my generosity!" "You just said that!" "I said maybe I kind of took advantage of your generosity." "That is totally different!" "And I thought you were dead!" "It doesn't count!" "I wasn't dead when you were moving out never planning on coming back!" "What?" "No!" "You didn't let me finish!" "What I was going to say was not coming back would've been the worst mistake I could've made!" "Oh!" "Give me a break!" "That is what I was gonna say!" "I swear to God!" "Why am I explaining myself to you?" "You made me think you were dead!" "What kind of move is that?" "To see how you felt being abandoned!" "Abandoned?" "I was moving in with my girlfriend!" "How long was I supposed to be your babysitter?" "I was letting you live here rent-free!" "There's nothing free about living with you, Casper!" "You didn't seem to mind me selling the house to pay for us moving to Costa Rica!" "It was my idea!" "Yes!" "Because you were using me!" "I was trying to stop you from killing yourself!" "Bullshit!" "You were trying to save your own ass because you're a weak, selfish little man." "And you've been using me for my house and my friendship, but mostly to make yourself seem just a little less pathetic!" "I'd rather that than be a freak who's afraid of his own shadow!" " Well, that's all changed now!" " 'Cause now you're just a freak!" "Bastard!" "What was that?" "Your computer falling, because I hated away your desk." "Oh, that's funny!" "Yeah, I thought so." "Yeah." "I'll be laughing about that tonight when I go to sleep." "Hey, by the way, where are you going to be sleeping tonight?" "In my..." "You didn't!" "As a matter of fact, I just did." "Oh, that's funny." "Because so did I." "Just did." "Well, if you don't have a bed," "I guess you won't need a nightstand." "Ouch!" "Sounds like your lamp broke!" "And that..." "That's the sound of it disappearing." "I could be mistaken, but I believe that..." "That was the sound of your bookcase disappearing." "And that?" "That's the sound of your books going bye-bye." "Bye-bye, books." " Bye-bye, Dave's desk!" "Bye-bye, Andrew's clothes!" "Bye-bye, Dave's Daniella Pestova calendar!" "Bye-bye, Andrew's thing on the floor next to the thing with the thing in it!" "And bye-bye, Dave's room!" "You didn't." "Yes, I did." " This is stupid." " You started it." "It doesn't matter who started it!" "The point is, making everything disappear isn't gonna help anything!" "We can't both stay here." "One of us has to go." "It's as simple as that." "Before there is no here, here." "So leave!" "This is my house!" "And I can make it disappear in the blink of an eye." "What do you propose?" "We settle this like gentlemen." " Video-game challenge?" " Video-game challenge." "Winner keeps the house, loser takes what he can carry and never comes back." "And no more making anything else disappear?" "Yes." "It's your funeral." "We'll see." "Grrrr..." "Hyah!" "Arrgh!" "Yes!" "That's it!" "That's it!" "No!" "Ha ha!" "Argh!" "Oh ho!" "Ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "Come on!" "There you go!" "Here we go." "Here we go." "No!" "Argh!" "No!" "Yes!" "Oh!" "Come on!" "No!" "Yes!" "Come on!" "Yeah!" "See you later pal" "'Cause you lost the game" "And you're going away" "See you later" "Congratulations." "You're the first person to hear the national anthem of Daveania." "That's right, buddy!" "Dave doesn't need your house, 'cause he's got his own country!" "A little place I like to call Daveania." "Home of the right, home of the just, home of the true." "Home of the Dave." "What do you think of that, huh?" "Oh, what's the matter?" "Too much for ya?" "Wait 'til you get a load of this!" "That's right, buddy." "Daveania's got it's own flag." "And you know, you ain't nothin' without a flag!" "Woo-hoo?" "Helloooo?" "Hello, Mr. No Flag!" "Ooh, don't you wish you had a flag?" "Well, you don't!" "'Cause I do!" "Woo-hoo!" "Woo!" "Ha ha!" "Shit!" "Fuck!" "Hey, buddy!" "Goddamn it!" "Out!" "Out!" "Get out!" "Out!" "Get out!" "Wait." "Just hang on a second." "You're only saying that 'cause you're mad at me." "Yeah." "You're damn right!" "I'm not mad at you." "Want to know why?" "Because I hated it away." "Because this is stupid." "I mean, we've been friends for 21 years." "I don't want to be mad at you." "I don't want you to be mad at me." "I want us to have fun, to be happy." "And I think we can." "I mean, I'm out there and I'm all pissed off at you." "And then I was like, well, fuck it!" "We can do whatever we want, right?" "So I say fuck being mad with each other." "So what do you say?" "Why don't you take whatever it is that's bothering you about me and just hate it away?" "Because I don't want to." "What do you mean?" "Why not?" "Because this is something I want to remember." " Why?" " Because... you're the type of person who abandons his best friend and that's something I don't want to forget." "Fuck you!" "Shit!" "Now I'm mad again!" "Wait!" "There." "Come on." "Come on." "I..." "Get off of me!" "We're OK now!" "Just do the same with me!" "No." " What?" " No." "How many times do I have to tell you?" "What are you, a fucking moron?" "Shit!" "Now I'm mad at you again!" "And this time I am not letting it go either!" " Fine!" " Fine!" "Abandoner." "No." "Dave, don't!" "Don't!" "Ah!" "Enjoy." "See you." "You son of a bitch!" "That was my house!" "Don't you walk away from me!" "Try and stop me!" "Oh!" "How's that for stopping you?" "Not bad." "But I think this might've been better." "Ah!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "All right." "Try this on for size." "Bet you want to kick my ass right now!" "Ha!" "Ahh!" "Ugh!" "Ah!" "Oh!" "Ah!" "Ha ha!" "Ha ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "Oh!" "Ooh, you look funny!" "Ooh!" "Oh!" "Big mistake!" "You have no idea!" "What the fuck?" "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "Ugh!" "Argh!" "Ha!" "Argh!" "Oh!" "Argh!" "Ah ah ah ah ah!" "Argh!" "Argh!" "Argh!" "Ow!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "Oh!" "Goddamn it!" "Ha!" "Obviously, you don't hate me." "Look who's talking!" "Oh." "Yeah." "I could've sworn I did." "Yeah, me too." "I guess this means that deep down, we don't really hate each other." "I guess." "I wish we'd thought of that before." "Yeah." "You know what this is like?" "No." "Remember that time with the Hoban brothers?" "Oh man!" "On the beach." "They buried up to our necks!" "And nobody realized we weren't on the bus and we were stuck there all night." "Ow..." "Listen..." "I think I owe you an apology." "No." "You..." "Hear me out." "I think I made a mistake by leaving you for Sarah." "Well, it couldn't have been easy living with me, always having to take care of me, always having to do stuff for me." "No!" "You never held me back." "I did it to myself." "You, you're the best thing that ever happened to me." "I feel the same way." "Yeah, well..." "Yeah." "Yeah." "So, what do you want to do?" "I don't know!" "A couple of smart heads like us out here in the middle of nothing," "I'm sure we'll think of something." "Ooh, yeah!" "You wanna race?" "Sure!" "To where?" "Uh..." "There." "There?" "No." "There." "There?" "Yeah." "You're on!" "You know, this really isn't so bad." "I always felt sort of let down by my body." "Huh!" "Well, believe it or not, so did I." "Fate shook me away" "And when I opened my eyes" "Everything had changed" "Everything I'd known" "Had all been erased" "When you" "You had survived" "I just had to tell myself" "I was happy you were alive" "Even the worst in you I couldn't despise" "The universe is fine without us" "We're just fine without them" "So let's slide between our minds" "Live in a place where we're friends" "We wouldn't mind" "If nothing were to change" "'Cause we both know the two of us" "Have everything to gain" "Just time here" "No complications" "No face near" "Our time to hesitate" "So let's waste another day" "The universe is fine without us" "We're just fine without them" "So let's slide between our minds" "Live in a place where we're friends" "We wouldn't mind" "If nothing were to change" "'Cause we both know the two of us" "Have everything to gain" "What the hell was that?" "I don't know."