"Solar Films presents" "Urho Kaleva Kekkonen (1900-1986)" "President of Finland 1956-1982" "The reindeer are called Valo and Kaarina." "I hate them." "They're so dumb." "They just wait to be fed." "On the other hand, I understand them." "They have nothing to say about all this." "They're not different from the village people." "And now I'll tell you why." "Directed by:" "Marja Pyykkö" "Kekkonen comes here." "Here." "To my bar." "That means I have to get shit-faced drunk." "Gotta lose some weight." "Get rid of this booze puff." "Here's a list of things he's killed with his own hands." "He's killed a wolverine." "A bear." "A deer." "A jaguar." "An antilope." "A crocodile." "A python." "A giant cobra." "A tiger." "A wolf pack." "A grouse." "Kruschev." "Commies." "And a shark." "A great whale." "And our foreign minister." "Shit." "I'll take you to our great Town Hall." "It is all a bit phallic." "The real pricks are inside." "I believe the Soviets are excited about the Santa Land project." "Its friendly spirit will prevent them to attack us again." "Martti Kellinsalmi." "A pompous man, since he invented the Santa Land." "Kekkonen will hold the opening speech at the White Christmas Room." "He became the most corrupted man in the north." "His very own words." "And he loved that." "One Santa Land won't save us." "When I get out of here I'll see to it that someone - drops a friendly nuclear bomb here." "Hope the Soviets will drop it to my Mom's head." "She gave birth to me to this shit-hole." "Do we still have a long way to go?" "Take it easy. it's not going anywhere." "Less than 200 miles." "As a crow flies." "That man is so right." "Whatever the matter, it's always 200 miles away." "As a crow flies." "It would be nice if the president Kekkonen came by." "To fool with our chicks." "it's possible." "I'll say." "He'll never come here." "Why would he?" "What do we have to offer him?" "Nothing." "He's a man who loves to climb up palm trees." "Oh my God." "I've committed a sin." "Now I'm redeemed." "I'll serve Jesus Christ." "You've been repeating that for a year now." "What are you doing?" "With the help of Jesus Christ..." "This is the river I always wanted to throw myself in." "Just because my Mom's a complete idiot." "And then, we have the Church." ""Believe in God and you 'll be saved."" "And a meat processing plant." "Between them, Alli's bar, of course." "And Alli." "My mother." "You're so horrible." "Horrible." "Every night I pray that Brezhnev would come." "And take her to Siberia." "If I get out of here fast my only pleasure is gone." "I can't stand this." "I don't want to go to Peuranperä." "I want to be among rich and healthy people." "I fear that there is a bottomless gap between us." "Mommy, why is the door locked?" "Honey, go away from the door." "This will be over momentarily." "Will that take long?" " No, just like I said." "Away from the door." "Listen." "The time signal is on TV." "Maija is the wife of Martti, an engineer and the father - of the Santa Land project." "She's disappointed with us most of the time." "We don't know why." "And she won't tell us." "Mommy, what are you doing?" "Raking leaves?" "Mommy?" "Mommy?" "Was that the time signal?" "Yes, honey." "Star-eyes." "The TV must be on." "If for once the fate would let me out." "To hitchhike the fuck out of here." "I'm dating this guy." "Jussi Alaluusua." "And I'll swear, it didn't impress me that he claims - to be the son of the president Kekkonen." "And he has a giant dick. just like his daddy." "The President." "That didn't impress me." "I like him cause he's sensitive." "God damn it." "I'm up piss and shit creek." "I'll throw myself into a hole." " Nonsense." "Let's kiss." "Haven't you heard?" " What?" "Kekkonen is visiting here." "Kekkonen, Urho Kaleva." "The President." "VILLAGE PEOPLE" "The president Kekkonen comes here?" "Himself?" "The Shaman?" "That's what Antero the Artist told me, confidentially." "Can we trust him?" "He's always been a bit weird." "I've heard the same from..." "various other sources." "Someone heard from someone." "And originally, possibly from the bank manager." "Who'd bought a phallic picture for the bank." "But it can also be just wishful thinking." "Mr. President, welcome to my cocktail party." "It's such a pleasure to have you here." "Although you must have a hectic schedule." "I was hoping you'd taste my cranberries." "Maija?" "Maija?" "Are you all right?" "You have soot on your face." "Is this the latest fashion?" "or are you losing weight?" "Listen, my beloved daughter." " Yeah, I know." "You do?" "You know?" "I do insist you take this violin and - start practicing something nice." "To play for Kekkonen." "I don't play for everyone." "And not under orders." "I won't play for him." "Not even if you strike me dead." "I'll kill you anyway." "Even if you're at the Pearly Gates." "You'll come back to earth and play for the President." "Fuck you." "I'm not interested in bloody Kekkonen." "I'd rather praise a Russian Partisan." "Listen." "It's not only about Kekkonen." "I bet he hates string music." "You'll do it for me." "I want some respect from the village people." "I'm not a beer maid with a pair of tits." "I'm higher level." "Laugh away." "I'm the civilized kind." "And remember I'm the only one here who's a candidate for - the Provincial Banner of the President." "That list has 100 names." "And I'm not playing one note." "If you try to force me, I'll jump into the river." "And post my official farewell note to the Town Hall." "To slander you, and everyone else." "Antero, I won't forgive you." "Better believe it!" "I'm so mad." "I never want to see you again." "That promise was as serious as losing weight." "But I won't play just to please her." "I'm not her step to a better future." "Let her dream about her banner." "Antero!" "Again!" "The Russkies are coming!" "I've had enough." "Hi there." "Hello." "That's Liisa, the village nurse." "In charge of the alienated." "And the school kids and the disadvantaged." "An impossible burden for one person." "Liisa!" "Can't hear anything." "Check the branch." "The radio antenna." "Have the birds dropped the antenna?" "Liisa!" "Thank you." "You're a cold person but there's a - warm spot in your heart." "Only I can reach it." "I have two wishes." "I'm going to lose weight." "So, next time bring me an enema." "My second dream is to meet Kekkonen." "I'm gonna hand him a bunch of marsh that - you'll bring me." "Won't you, my little Liisa?" "I won't stay here while the others party with him." "I want to be a part of that." "And you have to help me there." "You are the nurse, you'll know how." "And you'll make the bouquet." "You must." "The village people call her "The Nurse from Hell' behind her back." "Don't know what it means but she gives an impression of confinement." "Liisa!" "The radio doesn't work!" "Did you hear me?" ""You can't hold the crescent of the time.'" ""It'll cut you, leaving only the seeds behind."" ""You can't hold the crescent of the time.'" ""It'll cut you, leaving only the seeds behind."" "Olavi!" " What?" "I can't understand why your verse is not appreciated here." "Olavi and Anneli." "A couple not allowed to sit next to - each other at the church." "Olavi is a talented reciter." "The high point of your career is yet to come." "Olavi." "I saw that in a vision." "I love you, Anneli." "I came to ask if you have any wonder drugs for weight loss?" "I don't hesitate to recommend speed-pills for you." "I don't know." " Don't hesitate." "You're marinated with pills and booze." "A bit of speed won't kill you." "It helped Seija." "She lost 10 pounds." "10 pounds!" "I can't add meds to my mix." "Especially if she has done so." "I don't want to follow suit of such a cow." "I'll lose weight by natural methods." "You know best." "But ask Antero if he's interested in glasses, in the honor of the President?" "These will be a big hit." "Everyone wants to look like The President." "Everyone!" "Listen." "Antero is just another prick." "Among the others." "You should know what a slut I am." "Hi there." "Hello." "Holy asshole." "Do you have a good tip for losing weight?" "Why on earth?" "I don't want to be a fat smelly bird in front of Kekkonen." "He'll give me the Provincial Banner for my work for the reconstruction." "That's the reason he's coming." "No doubt about that." "Why would he come to my bar otherwise?" "A Provincial Banner?" " Yes." "Think about that!" "That would be so nice." "To be the only person in here to - hold a Presidential Provincial Banner." "But I need to work hard." "To lose weight." "And get that useless daughter-of- mine to play for him." "She hasn't touched the violin for weeks." "My nerves are all shut." "How can they handle historical- moments like this without nervous breakdowns?" "What am I going to do?" "This opera of life can't leave me to an inferior role." "Right?" " Right." "I have to plan my moves very carefully now." "When Kekkonen comes, yes." "When he comes, my charm will enchant him and perhaps - he will take me away with him." "Let's not talk about this to dear Daddy." "Right?" "Right?" "My blue-eyed son." "Martti." "Martti." "Listen, Martti." " Is it morning?" "No, my dear weary bird. just a whizz of thought came upon me." "As the President of the Republic will come here in person." "Here in the cradle of the night it occurred to - me what if we'd hold an enormous cocktail party?" "And launch your wonderful Santa Land project?" "Because the most loved man of our nation can't end up in " "Alli's Bar." "That's not right." "Right?" "Is anyone coming?" "Why don't you animals say anything?" "I sometimes hate you so much." "Did you come to get me home?" "I'm not coming." "I ran away from the violin practice." "Sylvi, I'm in trouble." "Kekkonen will punish and torture people." "For the smallest reasons." "And I've committed high treason." "Why have I told everyone that he's my father?" "What the hell have I done?" "Your turn for the time signal." "Is this right?" "Where the hell have you been?" "Where the hell have you been?" "You only have I: days to practice. 4 days!" "I'm on the edge of breaking down." "And so fucking hungry." "This losing weight is driving me crazy." "Get the violin." "First, Finlandia-hymn and the..." "We have to lower the bar." " Still?" "My conclusion is; this arrogant neighborhood doesn't - value true genius." "No one concentrates on your act." "We have to renew your repertoire." "We have to find some hymns for you to recite that all - simple-minded Laplanders will understand." "But my art-form is sonnet." "Sonnet." "We practice our hymns." "Easy ones." "And then we recite them to Kekkonen." "And then we'll tour the northern Finland." "Get plenty of money." "That's what we'll do." "Our best years are still to come." "Liisa!" "What are you doing?" "You must make me a multi-colored dress." "And get me a nice sunhat." "If the sun will shine upon us on the day of the visit." "It often happens." "I'm waiting for a change." "I deserve it, don't I?" "Don't we all, in the end?" "Something good." "Uplifting." "You'll take me to see Kekkonen." "Won't you, Liisa?" "I love that man." "My hands shake when I just think of him." "We'll see him together, you and I." "Right?" "I've found some lovely, international cocktail recepies." "Now we must choose the beverages." "Color of the napkins." "I want something patriotic, but stylish." "Marimekko has inspiring..." "Not those drug-related images." "Never." "But they are world-famous." " No." "I don't want them." "Don't sulk." "I have strong opinions." "That's why I'm an assistant engineer." "Think about the cocktail snacks." "Napkins later." "You get nauseous so easily." "When you drown yourself with work." "Right." "I heard that Kekkonen loves reindeer tongue." "And cheeses." "Make an amusing plan using them." "You're throwing a party for Kekkonen?" "Maybe." "Let's just say that some higher levels have approached me - with a confidential request." "About a little festivity for the President of the Republic." "But my calendar is very busy." "I thought the party is in Alli's place." "But you could do it, too." "Your Independence Day reception was a success." ""Our blue-crossed ?" "ag / to you we pledge..."" "You know how to entertain people." "I'm jealous." "Jussi." "Where have you been?" "Kekkonen..." "Shoot me down right here if it makes you feel better." "I'm pissed off anyway." " I'm always pissed off." "Mother locked me up to the attic." "No food before the Finlandia plays like blue skies." "I played for 5 hours." "Non-stop." "See you tomorrow." "I have an important, horrible plan for you." "You know." "And bring an axe." "Dear God." "I promise you an enormous sacrifice if you let me out- of this village." "I'll count to three." "And you'll send the transport." "One, two." "I'll so die in here!" "Why don't you help me to get out?" "I can't find the little brother anywhere." "I need to be left alone." "I get nauseous so easily." "Is it the reflux-disease?" " Yes." "I can drop dead any second." "Will there be a time signal today?" " Yes, an enormous one." "Let me be alone and think." "Mommy has a wonderful hush-hush-secret." "The President is coming over to meet Mommy." "I must plan what sort of of party I will organize." "We can show him this space station of yours." "This is not a space station." "This is the Santa Land." "This is a space station." " No." "Yes." "Your skills are not adequate yet for the Santa Land." "When you find your brother, you can draw cards for the President." "Right?" "That would be a very pleasant pastime." "Drawing for the Father of the land." "He'll accept even flawed drawings." "He is a great, great man." "Good evening." "Well, what are your plans for Kekkonen at the health center?" "None whatsoever." "Well, there we are." "The day is done." "Dinner time." "I can recite you a list of Kekkonen's women." "Sylvi Kekkonen, a woman." "Elizabeth Taylor, a woman." "Doris Day, a woman." "Jayne Mansfield, a woman." "Marilyn Monroe, a woman." "Esther Williams, a woman." "Vivien Leigh, a woman." "Bette Davis, a woman." "Marlene Dietrich, a woman." "A stewardess, a woman." "You've been sulking all day." "Admit that I'm right." " I guess you are." "You are an artist." "And you have creative pains." "But I see the way things are." " So you do." "Olavi." "I only want what's best for you." "And you know that." "You're everything I have." "Aulis." "What the hell is the problem with these?" "Liisa, I don't know if I can tell you stuff like that." "Why don't they work like grenades are supposed to?" "Are you planning an assassination?" "I'm going to blow Fanny's outhouse sky-high." "I see." "I can't fix these bombs." "No detonators." "But Martti knows where to get explosives." "He always has them stashed around." "You can never tell when the Russkies will return." "I want the best reindeer meat." "The best." "You always send me the leftovers." "Like you want to poison me." "For Kekkonen!" "Where are you going?" "The lesson starts now." "Oh my God." "How will I survive?" "That's what we all think." "How will we survive?" "I look after the patients." "Try to keep the new plastic floor clean." "Sometimes there are positive vibes." "And then you notice that the dirt doesn't come off." "And that's our pride and joy." "The new floor." "Makes me angry, to see the pride ruined." "And no one makes decent radios any more." "I keep on fiddling with the antennas all the time." "The aerials don't seem to find the stations." "I don't understand where the world is going to." "You're all broken up." "You should go to the RR for a day." "It's so strange." "They sell garbage like that to poor people." "Floors that don't last." "Broken radios." "And they are the things - that bring us pleasure." "It doesn't help if I try to walk softly across the floor." "The others must aim for the same perfection." "I have the duty to teach people things like these." "Even the hard way." "I bumped into Liisa the nurse." "She spoke to me." "She's as crazy as Kekkonen himself." "I decided to write to daddy." "Kekkonen, I mean." "I'll tell him honestly what I have done." "I asked him to pay attention to me." "I don't care if he throws my sorry ass to jail." "I don't care. just if the others see him talking to me." "You'll get an absolution." "I'm sure of that." "They won't put you to jail." " Don't know about that." "I pray that he will greet me." "I want to see the reaction of the village people." "That's the way it is." "Olavi wants to recite a poem for the President." "Listen." "The program has been locked a long time ago." "There's always room for higher culture." "Anneli." "We have enough program as it is." "We have the kid's choir." "A violin concerto." "Like fuck I will play!" "I'll run away." "A culinary fantasy of local delicatessen." "All this in 25 minutes." "During which I will make the speech." "Let's go." " Olavi." "I think that no state visit is a success without uplifting poetry." "And which beautiful poem are you going to recite?" ""The Song of the Hungerland"." "I'll quote you the list of the provinces." "Lapland, a province." "Kainuu, a province." "Northern Ostrobothnia, a province." "Southern Ostrobothnia, a province." "Middle Ostrobothnia, a province." "Northern Karelia, a province." "Southern Karelia, a province." "Northern Savo, a province." "Southern Savo, a province." "Kymi, a province..." "We'll survive this, too." "Do you want me to tell you about Anneli and Onneli?" "Yes." "Anneli and Onneli have a castle." "With seven towers." "There they roam, surrounded by their children." "And they are so happy." "There is a French menu." "Truffles." "Escargot." "Real champagne." "Every glass has a nice coaster." "Everyone is happy." "Presidents, Kings and Governors recite Shakespeare's sonnets - in a loud voice." "No one cares what time it is." "The walls and the ceiling are made of glass." "And everyone is very happy." "Really happy." "Anneli and Onneli will die only when their tenacious children - all have spouses and kids of their own." "But before that, they'll eat tar pastilles and pick marsh." "And guess, if they all are very happy." "God damn it." "This is not possible." "Why did you do this to me?" "You were my only chance for salvation." "I would've had my 25 minutes in the spotlight." "Breathe freely." "Be bigger-than-life." "And you took that away from me." "You are so selfish." "I don't know whose daughter you are." "Just go away." "I'm not stopping you" "You'll never be a bar-keeper." "I've been rolling in sin." "But now I'm rising..." "Kiss my ass!" "Oh my, how low is this valley." "But Jesus will lift me up from here..." "Why do you have to shoot Valo?" "He has never done any harm." "If the President wants to eat reindeer testicles in Alli's Bar, it'll be Valo's balls." "Martti." "Martti?" "Martti?" " Yes." "I'm thinking about the cocktail reception." "It has to be perfect." " It will be perfect." "No, no, you don't understand the whirlwind of my mind." "The party is more than the venue." "The delicatessen, the beverages." "It is choreography." "Etiquette." "Protocol Almost invisible details." "We are not talking the low-life of Alli's baccanal." "But something much greater." "A bigger force." "Which will change everything." "We are talking about a miracle that he will bring along." "About a Divine Creature." "We all wish to rest on his arms." "Even the men have fear of his brimstone." "But no, I'm not afraid." "I have no fear of him." "He is a part of me." "He is a part of me." "He is a part of me." "He comes and fulfills me." "He comes and for a moment we are one, a web of dreams." "And I will say to you, - lam prepared." "Hi there, hi." "We live unbelievable times, don't we?" "They say; where Kekkonen roams, the berries will flourish." "The poor will get gold coins." "The pretty rows of women are conceived." "The men grow up tall and brave." "With strong arms they will defend us against the fearsome Red Army." "That's where our dreams will cross paths, where Kekkonen roams." "Well, I want to double-check." "Tomorrow he comes." "Everyone must be ready." "Maija has created a wonderful cocktail reception." "We must do what we can to stop Kekkonen going to Alli's Bar." "You could send a telegram to her, where you insist that she - will cancel her party plans." "We'll do our best." "But it won't be easy." "She is a strong character." "Maija has gone through all this trouble." "Strained herself to the edge of her powers." "The least we can do is to allow a moment of success to her." "He's a man who will ski for miles to get his soup cooked the right way." "And he's killed a Siberian tiger with his own hands." "Been with a multitude of women." "Shot a grouse." "Made love to the prettiest women in the world." "Stopped the WWIII." "How can I match his level with my modest cocktail bits?" "HOW?" "HOW?" "How?" "How?" "I should have faith in myself." "If I don't, how could he have faith in me?" "I should have more courage." "Be adventurous." "Determined." "Like an airline stewardess." "I'm so pissed off." " You're always pissed of." "But especially now." "Is it so that the God won't allow us to succeed?" "Everything will be OK." " God damn it." "All the obstacles I have to face." "Why?" "I am Alli of the village." " So you are." "Guess." " What?" "What?" "You are Antero's old lady." " Stop fooling around." "I can't give up on this." "It's the high point for my regulars." "I'd like to remind that his personal visit also involves my person." "It involves everyone." "I have the program ready." "My daughter was in an accident." "So, Finlandia is not performed." "I'm not going to cancel." "You're a real hyena." "The whole village is against me." "Happy to have all the free booze." "But no appreciation, none whatsoever." "But when I wave the Provincial Banner in front of your faces, " "I'll throw a week-long party to everyone." "You seem to be going through hard times." "Like said, my husband is a high official, with good - connections to the most extreme sources." "It would be sad if there's a rumor in the village that your bar serves - contaminated food and makes moonshine in the basement." "No one walks over me." "It's enough my daughter's an asshole." "You can't say things like that." "She's your own flesh and blood." "And you!" "I'll be frank." "You're so lucky you can praise - the Lord the rest of your life, on the days you don't kiss my ass." "Olavi." "Knock me down with your poetry." "Olavi." "It's our turn." ""Listen to our cocks whispering I the splashing our our lakes.'" "Olavi." "It's not like that." ""Listen to our rocks'." "That's what [just said." "Listen to our cocks." "You keep on changing the rocks to cocks." "Nonsense." "I'm not." "Listen to our cocks." "It won't work." "No way." "If you can't even get the first line right- you won't get to recite to Kekkonen." "Do I say it wrong every time?" " Yes." "I can't tell the difference." "One is a dirty word." "The other one isn't." "I see." "I'll try again." ""Listen to our cocks...'" "Well." " Liisa." "What brings you here?" " I need dynamite." "I can't give that to everyone." " To me, you can." "The use of explosives is controlled by the Construction Board." "Do you want me to tell your wife how we screwed at the party?" "I'm not sure about this." "This is a gray area..." "Listen." "You can fuck me right here if that makes you feel any better." "I'm not sure." "And now to the business." " You are ordering me around." "I don't have all day." "I have to see Fanny and do some cleaning up." "And plan the Sunday School program." "Where are the bombs?" "Let's kiss a bit first." " I'm not a teenager." "Dynamite here, I'm in a rush." "Well?" "I'm so dumb." "Why did I do this?" "I've never seen Mommy so sad." "It broke my heart when I realized what I have done." "In the end, I'll get away." "Mommy never will." "Come down." "You can't hang on a cross when Kekkonen comes." "I can." "I'm not sure my weak mind can resist his flesh." "It's better I'm here." "Close to Jesus Christ." ""Like snow and skies of Finland / are Your colors so pure " "You lift up our hearts..."" "Not there!" "You must fold them into the shape of a swan!" "Liisa!" "Where are you?" "Liisa little one!" "Liisa?" "Where are you?" "Liisa." "I'm ready to go." "Liisa." "I'll give you an advise." "Think about a rolling rock." "And it whispers to you." "You're cold." "But you have a warm spot only I can reach." "It's the rock you have to remember." "I'm sure I can handle it." "Liisa!" "No reason to be nervous." "If Kekkonen will later criticize you, remember that the state - has always hated great, explosive artists." "Where was I?" "I knew this!" "I knew this!" "I knew she was planning something against Kekkonen!" "I knew this." "I knew this." "I knew this." "Liisa little one." "God damn it." "You're playing games." "You cold-hearted northern bitch!" "I'll get there even if it will kill me." "I'm going to ask when I will get a 5-day week like all others." "I'm working more and more." "State visits and everything." "Get your ass off the table." "I'd like to ask about the Peugeot the President of France gave him." "Are the white leather seats still clean?" "And who the hell is driving it?" "I'll make him a list of questions." "Has it been cold?" "Has it been hot?" "Has it been nice?" "Have you caught any fish?" "Bear cubs?" "Women?" "Have you been tired?" "Happy?" "In love?" "Where is everyone?" " They'll be here." "Are the people letting me down again?" "Take it easy." "Remember your nausea." "They are all in Alli's Bar." "She'll get the Banner." "Oh my God." "She'll get The Provincial Banner." "You should've spread the rumors." "Or blow up the place sky-high." "But you did nothing." "You'll have to live with that the rest of your life." "Where's Liisa?" "I'll show her." "She blew up." "I see." "Well, give me some biscuits." "Think that he's your father." "You don't have to fear your own daddy." "Rock." "Rock." "God damn it." "Here he comes." "Hey!" "He's coming!" "Hey!" "He's coming!" "Mr. President." "I'll give you a list of forms of transport." "A bus." "A bicycle." "A cable ferry." "A river-boat." "And a wheelbarrow." "And a Presidential Limousine." "Which just passed us." "Towards the north." "Bugger me." "Maija, is everything OK?" " Yes, my dearest windswept." "He's not coming." "Kekkonen." "He drove past." "No, Martti." "He went through me." "I don't have a ring finger." "But I thought that was a finger with no name." "Who cares?" "Before I go, I'll make my mother happy. just for once." "Mommy." "Sit down."