"( Train approaching )" "( Rain pattering )" "( Metal squeaking )" "( Bell dinging )" "( Silent )" "( Pattering )" "( Squeaking )" "( Train approaching )" "( Bell dinging )" "( Wind blowing )" "( "F hre mich" playing )" "( Man singing in German )" "♪ Nymphomania... ♪" "♪ Nymphomania... ♪" "( Music stops )" "( Water trickling )" "( Softly ) Hello?" "You've had an accident." "You need an ambulance." "I'll call for one." "I'll be right back." "Lie still here." "No." "No." "No what?" "I don't need an ambulance." "I can clearly see you do." "I'll call for one." "In that case, I'll be up and gone before you have the time to come back." "That will hurt." "That's possible, but it doesn't matter to me." "( Man sighs )" "I assume you don't want me to call the police either." "Yes, that's exactly right." "Is there anything you want?" "I'd like a cup of tea with some milk." "( Laughs )" " ( Train approaching )" " Man:" "Well..." "You have to come with me." "I don't serve tea in the street." "Can you walk?" "Yeah." "I've even bought a cake." "I'll wash your clothes." " Not my coat." " It smells rather badly." "It's my coat." "It's your coat." "So what happened?" "Were you robbed?" "It's my own fault." "I'm just a bad human being." "I've never met a bad human being." "Well, you have now." "Do you want to talk about it?" "You wouldn't understand." "Well, try me." "But I wouldn't know where to start." "Why is that ridiculous fishhook hanging there?" "Man:" "It's a fly." "I caught a fish with it once, a rather big one strangely enough." "Fly-fishing is about tying feathers and other things to a hook so it resembles something the fish likes to eat." "And then because the fly is very light, you have to have a line that is heavy." "It creates the velocity when you cast." "You fish a lot?" "Well, some..." "But I don't catch much." "When I was young, I-- i had a book I-- i worshipped." "It was an old book by izaak walton called "the complete angler."" "It was like a romantic nature Bible to me." "Maybe I know where to start." "But if you're to understand, I'll" "I'll have to tell you the whole story, and it'll be long." "Long... is good." "And moral, I'm afraid." "To begin with the bait, i discovered my cunt as a two-year-old." " ( Laughs )" " Woman's voice:" "At an early age, i was mechanically inclined." "Kinetic energy, for example," " has always fascinated me." " ( Water running )" "And my friend-- let's call her b-- always came up with the ideas." "Playing frogs was one of b's classics." "( Giggles )" "( Knocks on door )" " ( Doorknob clicks ) - ( Sighs )" "( Woman #2 knocks ) Joe, are you all right?" "Just a moment!" "Woman #2:" "Are you done?" "( Flushes )" "( Inhales sharply ) For Christ's sakes, leave them alone." " ( Scrubbing )" " Joe's voice:" "I loved my father very much." "He was a doctor." "My mother's name was Katherine." "My father called her kay." "I suppose she was what you'd call a cold bitch." "She always had her back turned when she played solitaire." "I hated solitaire." "( Sighs )" "When we had p.E.," "I'd climb up into the ropes and hang there for ages with the rope between my legs." ""The sensation" we called it." "I remember very distinctly this word, "sensation."" "Perhaps the only difference between me and other people was that I've always demanded more from the sunset." "More spectacular colors when the sun hit the horizon." "That's perhaps my only sin." "Why are you insisting that children are sinful?" "Not children." "Me." "I don't see sin anywhere, but then I'm not religious." "That's because you don't know the rest of the story." "And by the way, I'm not religious either." "Why would you take the most unsympathetic aspect of religion such as the concept of sin..." "And let it survive beyond religion?" "I don't understand this self-hatred." "That's what I said-  you wouldn't understand." " No, I'm" "I'm sorry, I'll shut up." "Please continue." "Nervus pudendus." "Nervus dorsalis clitoridis." "( Snorts )" "( Rustling )" "Joe's voice:" "My dad loved telling me about the trees and their leaves and considered it part of a good education." "When the ash tree was created, it made all the other trees in the forest jealous." "It was the most beautiful tree." "You couldn't say anything bad about it." "Then in the winter..." "When the ash tree lost all of its leaves..." "All the trees noticed its black buds and started laughing." ""Oh, look..." "The ash tree's had its fingers in the ashes."" "See?" "You can always tell the ash tree in winter by the black buds." "Joe's voice:" "He especially loved the childish educational stories he told to help me remember what I had learned." "I knew how much he loved telling those stories, so sometimes I pretended i had forgotten them." "Am I boring you?" "Seligman:" "No, I'm just looking forward to how you will get fishing weaved into your tale." "You could start with the fly on the wall there." "It's called a nymph." "It would tie in elegantly with your discussion about nymphomania." "A nymph is..." "An early stage in the life of an insect." "Joe:" "As a quite young nymph, it was imperative for me to get rid of my virginity." "Hopla." "I kind of knew this boy j, who had a moped." "So in my eyes, he was rather sophisticated." "I was 15, and perhaps my girlish romantic expectations were a bit high." "( Clicks )" "Joe's voice:" "But he had good strong hands." " ( Blowing )" " I liked his hands." "Hello?" " Young Joe:" "Hi." " Hi." "If I asked you to take my virginity, would that be a problem?" "No, I don't see a problem." "So, um..." "Where shall I go?" "( Door closes )" "( Clears throat )" "( Sputters )" "It's the fucking carburetor." "I just can't work it out." "Can you imagine that?" "( Softly ) That's not very good." " J:" "Hmm?" " That's not very good." "No, it bloody isn't." "It ruins the whole idea of having a moped." "You should probably take off your knickers, yeah?" "Joe's voice:" "He shoved his cock inside me and humped me three times." "( Both grunting )" "Then he turned me over like a sack of potatoes..." "Then he humped me five times in the ass." " ( Grunting ) - ( Cries out )" "( Clattering, squeaking )" "( Sputters )" "( Engine starts )" "Joe's voice:" "I never forgot those two humiliating numbers." "Seligman's voice:" "Three and five?" "Those are fibonacci numbers." "That may be." "In any case, it hurt like hell." "I swore I'd never sleep with anyone again." "But of course, that only lasted a short while." "And now to get back to your fishing..." "A couple of years later i was at my friend b's." "And as always, she had a new idea..." "Financed by her younger brother's piggy banks, which she regularly emptied." "We put on clothes later known as the fuck-me-now clothes." "The idea was a competition." "We were to go on a train trip." "B said there was no need for tickets." "The one who had fucked the most men when we reached the destination would win the chocolate sweets." "( Whistle tweets )" "( "Born to be wild" playing )" "♪ Get your motor running ♪" "♪ head out on the highway ♪" "♪ looking for adventure ♪" "♪ and whatever comes our way ♪" "♪ yeah, darling, go on, make it-- ♪" "Seligman's voice:" "May I interrupt here?" "What you were doing when you walked down that corridor..." "You were reading the river." "( Music rewinding )" "♪ Born to be wild... ♪" "Seligman's voice:" "Most of the large fish stay sheltered from the current to save energy" " and to hide from the prey." " ( Water flowing )" "Where the fish hides in the stream entails a very complicated hierarchy." "The topography decides where the most attractive places are, and the biggest fish choose the best positions." "B:" "Smile and make eye contact." "If you have to talk, remember to ask a lot of wh- questions if you want more than a yes-or-no answer." "Then it'll just happen on its own." "You just take them to the lavatory and you have sex with them." "Oh." "But what if it's nasty?" "Then you just think of the bag of chocolate sweeties." "What-- what time is it?" "10:00" "young Joe:" "Where do you come from?" "From home." "Who knows where the lavatory is?" "Man:" "Well, if you take a right, you will arrive at a lavatory at the end of the car." "At the same time, it is so cleverly arranged that if you take a left turn, you will also arrive at a lavatory, since at the end of the next car there is also one." "I'll show you where the lavatory is." "( Breathing heavily )" "Joe's voice:" "It turned out to be shockingly easy." "In no time, b was ahead, five to three." "And it was exactly right-- look them in the eye and smile." "But then suddenly it stopped." "That's a very clear parallel to fishing in the stream." "As it happens, either none of the fish are feeding or they all feed at the same time." "They go into feeding frenzy." "All bite." "And then just as suddenly as it started, it stops." "The fish most readily bite at the beginning of a light rain, and I think that's because they feel safe when they swim in the stream." "Because they can't be seen from above." "The water's surface is disturbed." "But then it started again, although a bit more slowly." "Yeah, and I think I know how." "Because fly-fishing can be done in several phases." "And if the fish stop biting, you move on to phase two." "And in phase two, you not only imitate an insect but an insect in trouble." "You pull-- you pull the line." "You tug it..." "Irregularly, so the fish gets the impression that it's dealing with an injured and easy prey." "And then helplessly let the fly float down the river again." "Then half-heartedly make a few jumps forward again." "It can be done..." "It can be done very elegantly." "( Sighs )" "Are you all right?" "It's Betty." "I was just told that she's very ill." "Is Betty a close family member?" "You could say that." "She's my dwarf hamster." "Seligman's voice:" "Dwarf hamster?" "You can't be serious." "Joe's voice:" "Well, what was I to do?" "And then I did have a dwarf hamster when I was young." " Seligman's voice:" "That you were very close to?" " ( Squeaking )" "Joe's voice:" "Not at all." "A bloody nuisance." "Man #2:" "Dwarf hamster." "It would've been worse if it were a person." "Young Joe:" "Don't say that." "I'm extremely fond of my hamster." "Yes, I think that's a rather cynical thing to say about Betty." "Yes, I had made the cage nice and cozy for her when-  when I got her." " And Betty liked that?" "Betty was excited." "Joe's voice:" "One of nature's most meaningless creatures." "Seligman's voice:" "You're aware that the choice of a dwarf hamster possibly suggests certain sexual connotations." "Joe's voice:" "I can see that now, but it was really not a conscious choice." "Can you show me where the lavatory is?" "I... have to blow my nose." "Joe's voice:" "We were running out of subjects, and b was ahead on points, which led us to s's first-class compartment." "Conductor:" "Tickets, please!" "Thank you." "Ladies?" "Tickets?" "Young Joe:" "Well..." "I think I might've lost it." "Conductor:" "Perhaps." "Dropped yours as well, did ya?" "I haven't bought a ticket for your shitty train." "It's so bloody slow, we should've been at the end of the track half an hour ago." "Regardless of delays, you still need a ticket, sweetheart." "£8 each, please." "Oh!" "I accidently tore it up." "You can't expect be to pay for scraps of paper." " Have another one." " Oh, great idea." "Oh, that one's disappeared too." " ( Laughs )" " Conductor:" "I can always just get the police to collect your payment at the next station." " How about that?" " Now let's just take it easy here, shall we?" "Apparently the young ladies have left without any money." "If it's okay with you, I'd like to pay for their tickets." "No sir, it's not." "Just leave your money where it is." " We'll let the police deal with these two." " Actually, we did have sort of an agreement that I was to pay." "I just forgot about it." "I see." "Two first-class tickets..." "For two first-class ladies." "Enjoy the rest of your journey." "Tickets, please!" "B:" "Now that you've been so nice to us..." "We'd like to be nice to you too." "S:" "Oh, that's very kind of you, but there's no need." "I mean that." "Well, I've already lost anyway." "I'm willing to give you five extra points..." "If you can get that one in there." "Joe's voice:" "I decided, perhaps a bit desperately, that the only thing standing between me and the bag of chocolate sweets was an unequivocal provocation of this man." "Seligman's voice:" "Excellent." "An induced take." "When all other attempts fail, a dramatic provocation can get an otherwise completely passive fish to bite." "They will react instinctively to the right provocation, which would not be a fly, but, for instance, a brightly-colored wobbler, preferably red." "The very best is one we call "the Finnish weapon,"" "the so-called rapala." "Young Joe:" "You've bought a gift." "Yes." " It's for my wife." " Oh." "You travel first-class and you bought us our tickets." "Why then not buy a decent gift for your wife?" "I can see it comes from the station." "Of course, i should have..." "Bought her something-- something better, but..." "Let's just say i was suddenly in a hurry to get home." "Why would a man like you with such an orderly life suddenly have to hurry?" "It has to do with family." "My wife and I have decided that we..." "We miss having children after all, and that if we are to have children, it has to be now." "So my wife called yesterday to say that she-- she started ovulating." "And all signs point to maximum fertility precisely tonight." "You see..." "That's why I bought her a gift at the station." "I had to get a ticket home as quickly as possible." "Well, I understand now." "What is it you understand?" "Why you didn't have sex with us." "It wasn't because I didn't want to." "( Whispering ) Please." "I'm begging you, please don't." "It's okay." "Please don't." "You've been as horny as hell..." "But you wouldn't give up your load." "Please stop." "( Grunts )" "( Grunting )" "Oh God." "Oh God." "( Chuckles )" "Wow." "( Crunching )" "Seligman:" "So oral sex became, in the eye of the angler, your-- your Finnish weapon." "Joe's voice:" "Is that your only comment?" "What else-- what else do you want me to say?" "That I behaved reprehensively, that already my actions exemplify that I'm a" "I'm a terrible human being." "That's not the way I see it." "On the contrary, I saw it as a-- as a very pleasurable and humorous story." "I've consciously used and hurt others..." "For the sake of my own satisfaction." "And what I've told you so far only begins to suggest that." "But when you told the story, you were-- you were cheerful, full of humor." "The only thing you've done..." "Except giving a few people an experience to remember is that you-- you relieved s from his load in some-- some youthful hubris." "And I read somewhere that if you keep the load too long, the sperm will die." "Or worse, degenerate." "Maybe thanks to you," "Mr. s and his wife now have a healthy and well-functioning child." "I discovered my power as woman and used it without any concern for others." "That's completely unacceptable." "Oh, little darling." "Don't you "little darling" me." "No." "What I wanted to say was that if you have wings, why not fly?" "( Train passing )" "No more stories." "You need to sleep." "No no." "This is beginning to amuse me." "I don't even know your name." "My name is Joe." "I'm seligman." "What a fucking ridiculous name." "( Snickers )" "It's Jewish." "You said you weren't religious." "No, but my great-grandfather was." "And my parents gave me the name as a sort of..." "Sentimental association to judaism." "But we've always been anti-zionists..." "Which is not the same as being anti-semitic, as certain political powers try to convince us." "Seligman..." "Means "the happy one."" "So are you happy then?" "Well, I suppose I am..." "In my own way." "Even if I'm the kind of person who cut the nails of the right hand first." "What does that mean?" "Well, I divide humanity into two groups:" "The people who cut the nails on the left hand first and the people who cut the nails of the right hand first." "My theory is that the people who cut the nails of the left hand first, they-- they-- they're more light-hearted." "They have a tendency to enjoy life more because they go straight for the easiest task and..." "Save their difficulties for later." "So what do you do?" "Always the left hand first." "I don't think there's a choice." "Go for the pleasure first, always." "And then once you've done the left hand, only the right hand remains, and that's the easiest one left." "I've never thought of it like that." "Well, you-- you're never too old-- never too old to learn." "That's rugelach." "Mm-hmm." "It's a Jewish cake." "There's that sentimentality again." "No, but it's more than rugelach." "It's rugelach served with a cake fork." "Rugelach, in my opinion, is pastry, which there is no excuse for eating with a cake fork." "To serve it with a cake fork is irritatingly unmanly, not to say downright feminine." "However it can bring us further with the story." "I also knew someone who consumed rugelach every day, almost ritually, with a cake fork." "And although we'll be jumping a bit in time..." "I have to tell you about Jerome." "As far as I can see, the next chapter doesn't contain as direct an accusation against my person as the rest of the story." "The chapter will also make a sentimental soul like you happy, as it contains observations on the subject of love." "( Young Joe grunting, moaning )" "( Moaning loudly )" "( Both breathing hard )" "Can I tell you something?" "Sure." "Sure." "Yeah." "Yeah sure." "It might not be important to you..." "But it is to me." "But it is to me." "I've never had an orgasm before." "Really?" "( Kisses )" "You're my first one." "You don't know how happy that makes me." "( Both laugh )" "I love you." "( Laughs )" "( Whispers ) You're my first." "Well, I have to admit:" "Quite a lot of girls say that." "( Chuckles )" "Joe's voice:" "The train trip had increased my appetite, and soon b and I started a club" " that we called the little flock." " ( Tritone playing )" "Women:" "Mea vulva, mea maxima vulva." "Joe's voice:" "B, of course, took the lead, as she was the most daring of us." "She was raised catholic." "I'm sure you're familiar with the practices of the catholic church." "Women:" "Mea maxima vulva." "Mea vulva, mea-- seligman's voice:" "That's interesting." "Blasphemic, satanic." "The music-- the interval between b and f-- it's a tritone, the devil's interval." "It was banned from music in the middle ages." "Well, the vacuum cleaner invented it." "She took piano lessons." "The vacuum cleaner?" "The vacuum cleaner possessed a special talent for floppy cocks." "She had some kind of vacuum in her cunt." "I" " I was imagining something like that." "It was about fucking and about having the right to be horny." "We masturbated together, that kind of thing." "But it was rebellious." "We weren't allowed to have boyfriends." "No fucking the same guy more than once." "What did you rebel against?" "Love." "Love?" "We were committed to combat the love-fixated society." "( Running footsteps )" " ( Classical score playing ) - ( Kissing )" "Joe's voice:" "I really believed in our little flock, but of course, that was naive of me." "Over time, even the strongest couldn't stay true to our manifest." " B:" "Third of the fifth." " ( Paper rustling )" "My third intercourse this week," " again with Alex." " Third." "Haven't we stated that we fuck each guy once?" "I don't think you can understand Alex." "( Laughs ) I don't want to." " B:" "Our relationship-- - relationship?" "There you are." "Do you think you know everything about sex?" "( Whispers ) The secret ingredient to sex... is love." "For me, love was just lust with jealousy added." "Everything else was total nonsense." "For every hundred crimes committed in the name of love, only one is committed in the name of sex." "That's quite a statement." "Well, it all strengthened my wish for a serious education." "Glasgow." "Aberdeen." "Joe:" "Why are you smiling?" "Oh, I just pictured how an education would be conveyed in your storytelling." "( Chuckles )" "Well, that's nothing to smile about." "I understand that." "So what kind of education did you get?" "I began studying medicine like my father." "But it was harder and harder for me to concentrate, so I studied less and less till finally i dropped out." "So instead I began to look for a job." "It turned out it was hard to get a job that paid even halfway decently." "I didn't really know how to do anything, so I didn't have high hopes when I applied for a position as an assistant at a printing house." "So could you tell me a little bit more about your background?" " Um..." " Education-wise." "Oh." "Well, I finished high school and decided to study medicine..." "But I didn't finish." "I know it sounds a bit pointless coming here." " Right." " I just really need a job and I've tried everywhere." "I don't usually give jobs to people just because they need one." " ( Phone ringing )" " What about secretarial skills?" " Do you have any of those?" " No, I didn't think you needed skills." " ( Mumbles )" " You didn't think you needed skills for this position as a secretary?" "No." "Can you open an envelope?" "Yeah, I-- yes, I think I can open an envelope." "Well, I'm glad to hear that." "I shall discuss this conversation with Mr. Jerome, my boss." "Young Joe:" "Do you think there's a chance?" "I doubt it." "Oh." "( Knocks on door )" "Well, apparently having absolutely no experience is absolutely fine for this job." "You've got it." "Oh." "Does that mean I should start tomorrow?" "Yeah, I suppose it does." "Young Joe:" "Good morning." "Secretary:" "Right." " ( Clears throat ) - ( Knocks on door )" "Yes?" " Good morning, sir." " Good morning." "I just wanted to introduce you to our new junior secretary." "Joe?" "I believe you wanted to explain her work duties." " Hi." " This is the new junior secretary, sir." "Liz, can I have another coffee?" " Yes, of course, sir." " Thank you." "Hi." "Jerome?" "Your first love." "I bet you didn't think I'd make something of myself, right?" "And now here I sit, the director's chair of mj Morris ltd." "Yes, quite surprising." "Surprising?" "It's a sign from God." "You know, I've thought about you often since then." "Have you thought of me?" " Well..." " Ah." "Usually, you know, my Uncle sits here." " Mm-hmm." " But he's developed a bit of a tummy problem, so he's at the spa, taking long baths, drinking lots of water." "Poor guy." "And no one knows for how long, so now I'm the j in mj Morris ltd." "How about that?" "We print cards and envelopes and nonsense like that." "It's a bloody complicated business, you know." "I don't understand a word of it." "Come on, I'll show you around." "Yes?" " Liz?" " Liz:" "Yes sir?" "Oh, look, there you are." "Good job." "Every time you do a good job, I say, "good job, Liz."" " Thank you, sir." " What's her name?" " Liz." " "Good job, Liz."" " Good job, Liz." " Good job, Liz!" "This is Bobby." "Bobby, say hello." "This is Joe." " Bobby:" "Hello." " He does the business cards." "( Elevator clangs, whirring )" "( Elevator clangs )" "It stopped." "Fuck." "Yes." "Well, isn't there an alarm?" "To which?" " Isn't there an alarm?" " Alarm, all right, yes." " Good thinking." "I'll press this." " ( Bell rings )" "Imagine..." "You look just as great all these years later." "Oh no." "( Sighs ) No." "No?" " Wha--?" " No, Jerome, this won't work." " Which won't work?" " This." "Why not?" "You're not really my type." "That's how it's gonna be?" " Yes." " All right." "Fuck's sake." "( Sighs )" "Okay." " Young Joe:" "Umm..." " Give me your hand." "In a fireman's grip." "Ooh!" " You okay?" " Yeah." "Why didn't you have sex with him?" "I'm not quite sure." "I've shagged lots of idiots." "I suppose he fired you then." "No." "If he had fired me, then he would've lost." "As I didn't recall anyone having defined my work duties, i decided to clean up in order to smooth the waters." " Liz:" "Good morning, sir." " Any calls?" "No sir." "What have you done?" "Oh." "I cleaned up." "You cleaned up?" "It-- it was quite messy and" " Liz?" " Yes sir?" "She cleaned up." "I know-- I didn't know, sir." " I was away from my desk." " Are you completely mad?" "( Door slams )" "What is the tea and pastry doing here?" "I thought that's what you wanted for breakfast." "You thought?" "Mmm!" "You're not supposed to think." "I don't pay you to think, do I?" "This is a do-over." " A do-over?" " Right." "Pick it up, take it outside and do it again." " ( Knocks on door )" " One moment." " Come in." " ( Door opens )" "Would now be a good time for some tea and cake?" "Sure, why not." "Where the fuck is my cake fork?" "Cake fork?" " Right." " Well..." "I would've got you one, but it just..." "Feels inappropriate." "Unmanly." "Feminine." "On the other hand, you must say that a cake fork is-- is a rather practical tool." "It's like a cross between a knife and a fork." "The point is that you're supposed to be able to hold the cake dish with one hand, then cut it with the other..." "And then eat it with the fork." " It's not feminine." "It's at least bourgeois." " ( Fork clinks )" "It's said that the-- the bolsheviks during their rampage through Russia, to separate the men from the boys, or rather the bourgeoisie from the proletariat, they brought a boy, and before burning down a house" "they sent him in to make sure they had cake forks." "That's not true." "( Chuckles )" "I don't have the story first-hand." " Young Joe:" "Hello." " Man:" "Hi." "Hi, I was wondering if you could help me." "It's suddenly gone very dirty." "Young Joe:" "See, you put your dirty fingers on there." "Maybe we should wash your hands." "Yeah, better." " Young Joe:" "Mm-hmm." " ( Snorts )" "You must be very talented." " Yeah sure." " Mmm." "Joe's voice:" "If you had asked Jerome, he would've said that I was the one who had declared war." "Many times he'd take me into town, just so I could hold his coat." " Young Joe:" "There." " Jerome:" "Where?" "There, behind the green car." "It's not big enough." "It is, there's plenty of space." "( Sighs ) I saw it." "It's not enough space." "I'm telling you there's plenty of space." "( Scoffs, mutters )" "No." "Can I try?" "( Sighs ) Can you try?" "I'm a wizard at this." "I just tried it." "There's not enough space, Joe." "You just saw me do it." "There's not enough space." "Okay?" " Can I try?" " You wanna try?" "Why not?" " ( Gear shift clicks ) - ( Engine stops )" "Joe's voice:" "It was about this time that a dramatic change happened inside of me." "I could suddenly see a kind of order in the mess." "It was all very very wrong." "I wanted to be one of Jerome's things." "I wanted to be picked up and put down again and again." "I wanted to be treated by his hands, according to some sophisticated principle that I didn't understand." "His strong hands?" "Yes, but now it was no longer just about his hands." "It was as if everything about him was different, which of course it wasn't, and I knew that in my head." "And I scolded myself for seeing him in this new light." "Love is blind." "No no no, it's worse." "Love distorts things." "Or even worse, love is something you've never asked for." "The erotic was something I asked for or even demanded of men." "But this idiotic love..." "I felt humiliated by it..." "And all the dishonesty that follows." "The erotic is about saying yes." "Love appeals to the lowest instincts, wrapped up in lies." "How do you say yes when you mean no and vice versa?" "I'm ashamed of what I became, but it was beyond my control." "You know what you're doing now?" "No, what am I doing?" "You're defending your personality." "I thought the point was to reveal it." "Joe's voice:" "At this time i took up walking again." "I walked in the forest." "The forest of my childhood." "I took the same walk again and again." "Right turn after the gatehouse, and right again by the ash tree, which has the most beautiful leaves in the forest." "And further on past the lady with her poodle and the old man on the bench." "I couldn't free myself of the image of Jerome and his careless elegance." "And during this time, when I was with other men, i forbade them to touch my body with their hands." "( Grunting )" "And soon I stopped having sex altogether." "I tried to meet him all the time." "I found out where he lived, but of course never dared ring his doorbell." "I worked for a long time on a letter in which I told him about my feelings for him." "A month would pass before I had built up enough courage to deliver it." "I'm sorry." "Isn't this Jerome's office?" "I'm happy to say that this never has been and never will be Jerome's office." "But my nephew has been standing in for me while I've been unwell." "Was that a letter for him?" " Yes." " Give it to me and I will make sure he gets it." "I can't promise when that might be, as he's long gone." " ( Briefcase closes )" " How the young finance their irrepressible desire for travel is a mystery to me." "So he's gone?" "Deserted us, yes." "Raving about a trip around the world" " and married and all." " Married?" "Married, yes." "Flown the Coop with my secretary." "Liz." "And your job?" "It turned out that Jerome's Uncle demanded a bit more knowledge about the business, so-- that was the end of love then?" "Well, maybe it's not quite as simple." "But more about that later, as they say in the novels." "And Jerome just disappeared?" "Yes, though I tried to keep him, in my own way, mentally, as I masturbated on the train amongst other people." "You masturbated on the train?" " On the seat?" " Yes, of course." "( Train rattling )" "Joe's voice:" "I did a Jigsaw puzzle." "Seligman's voice:" "A Jigsaw puzzle?" "Joe's voice:" "I found details in the other passengers that reminded me of Jerome." "But in the long run, i couldn't hold on to the details of him, no matter how hard I tried." "Maybe that's how it is with memory." "You... you remember silhouettes, the essentials." "But that's not necessarily a bad thing." "( Water trickling )" "Joe's voice:" "Of course, as silhouettes in the winter," " the trees are difficult to tell apart." " See these buds?" "Joe's voice:" "My father wrestled courageously with his flora and tree type guides." "It's actually..." "The souls of the trees we see in the winter." "In the summer, everything is green and idyllic, but in the winter, the branches and the trunks, they all stand out." "Just look at how crooked they all are." "The branches have to carry all of the leaves into the sunlight." "It's one long struggle for survival." "Joe's voice:" "My father surprised me by calling the naked trunks the souls of the trees." "A poetic thought that was rare for him, as by his own account he preferred the empirical sciences." "Seligman:" "And after Jerome?" "I reacted..." "Well, let's just say, aggressively." "How?" "By intensifying my hunt for men." "You know these supermarket doors that open and close by way of some kind of sensor?" "Now compare these doors to my cunt and add an extraordinarily sensitive sensor." "My sensitive door opening gave me an opportunity to develop my morphological studies from leaves to genitals." "I embarked on a trip through what, in the lingo of children's books, one might call the country of the big black cocks..." "The country of the small yellow cocks and so on." "And most of all, i battled my way through an untold number of circumcised cocks." "By the way, did you know that if you combine all the foreskin cut off through history it would reach to Mars and back again?" "( Train passing )" "Joe:" "Mrs. h." " By now I had built up a sizeable circle of men..." " ( Beeps ) ...and was starting to have trouble" " remembering who was who." " Man:" "Hello, sweetheart." "Want to meet?" " ( Beeps )" " Man #2:" "It's fisher." "I'm lying here, thinking of you and what you said." "I'm not angry at all if that's what you think." " ( Beeps )" " Man #3:" "Hi, Joe, it's rob again." "I had a really good time seeing you." " Give me-- give me a call." " ( Beeps )" "Man #4:" "Hi, Joe, I left a couple of messages." " Is everything all right?" " Joe's voice:" "I quickly gave up trying to remember the individual relationships." "It was impossible, and impossible to predict what they wanted to hear." "So I invented a method." "( Clatters )" "Joe's voice:" "It was all based on chance." "( Clatters )" "A one meant an overly loving answer." "A two, not quite as passionate but still positive." "And so on up to five, which was a complete rejection." "And six, no answer at all." "( Beeps )" "( Rings, clicks )" "( Beeps )" "Hey, Eddie, it's me." "Listen, I've given it a lot of thought and I've come to the conclusion that we're done." " Bye." " ( Beeps )" "Joe's voice:" "The trick with this method was that i didn't have to worry about the individual relationships..." "Hi, Patrick, it's Joe." "...but instead became completely unpredictable, which of course drove the men even Wilder." "You're quite annoying, so I don't want to see you anymore." "Please don't call back." "Seligman's voice:" "That sounds rather stressful." "Joe's voice:" "Yes, actually it was." "But fortunately i had my little book of comfort." "When I needed comfort or peace, i took out my herbarium and looked at my favorite leaves-- ash, trembling Aspen and lime." "When you're dealing with a larger group of lovers, as I was, there will typically be a difference in their qualities." "H was a sticky bastard." "You have to leave." "I've got guests for dinner." "But he's not coming until 7:00." "No." "( Sighs )" "But 7:00 isn't that far away." "( Plates rattling )" "Do you love me?" "Joe's voice:" "A was to arrive at 7:00, and I needed to get h out of there." "I love you too much." "You keep promising, but I understand now that you'll never leave your family for my sake." "It's sad, but..." "It's your choice." "It's not satisfying for me that I can't have you completely." "Which is why we can't see each other any longer." "Goodbye." "Look, I" "and have a nice life." "( Whispers ) Oh." "Ugh." "Wow." "( Ticking )" "( Knocks on door )" "My darling, I'm yours." "I've left her." "( Kisses )" " ( Woman whispering ) Has he gone inside?" " Child:" "Yes." "Woman:" "Is the door closed?" " Uh, hello." " Hello." "Woman:" "Apologize." "We... had promised not to come up." "We just wanted to make sure he got here safely, now that he's made the big decision." "May the children see him inside?" "( Exhales )" "What a nice place." "It's... so bohemian." "Oh, that's right." "( Sighs )" " You need the car key." " Uh, no, I don't need the car." "Oh yes, you do." "He likes the car." "Here." " No, please." "Just take it." " I don't want it." " Just take it." " I don't want the fucking car!" "Mrs. h:" "It's all right." "We'll get the bus home." "The children might as well get used to public transport now, right?" "Of course, their standard of living won't be the same anymore, but..." "Young Joe:" "Hey." "What's this?" "It's a present." "A pillow he has embroidered himself." " Mrs. h:" "And who's it for?" " Daddy." "I do hope it's all right if the children call their father "daddy" here." "If you prefer, they can call him "him"" "or simply "the man."" "To be honest, my first thought was never ever to let either of you see the children, but then I changed my mind." "I thought it only right that their father be confronted by the little people whose lives he has destroyed." "Give daddy your present." "It's a car the little dear has embroidered." "( Clears throat ) I'm aware that not everyone can see it, but with the heart one can see much, however unimportant that information may be to you." "Would it be all right if I showed the children the whoring bed?" "After all, they also have a stake in this event." "You need to see it, right?" "( Whispers ) Let's go see daddy's favorite place." "Come on, boys." "Oh...!" "( Sighs, chuckles )" "So this is where it all happened." "You should try to memorize this room, especially the bed." "It'll stand you in good stead later in therapy." "( Laughs )" "Here I sit, rambling on about therapy without a thought of what it might cost." "I do hope you don't think we're here to beg." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "( Chuckles ) I'm being silly." "Mommy's being silly." "Let's have a cup of tea." "( Clattering )" "( Sighs )" "The children's father likes two lumps of sugar in his tea." " ( Knocks on door )" " Mrs. h:" "Mmm!" " I'll get it." " Young Joe:" "Hm-mmm." " No no no, please please please." " Hm-mmm." " Hello." " Hello." " Yes?" " Uh..." "Oh, how nice!" "Lovely." " Boys." "Come here." " Is Joe here?" "This might be interesting." " Hi." "Yes." " This is my son." "Yes." " Hello hello." " Good boy." "Look him in the eyes." "Man:" "I'm Andy." "Hello." "Friend of Joe's then?" " Yeah." " You known each other long?" " Um, not that long, no." " Not terribly long?" " No." " Oh." "Mrs. h:" "A menage a trois." "It's all so exotic." "So-- broad-minded." "On that point..." "I failed." "No doubt about it." "Boys, now is the time to be alert and ask all the questions your hearts' desire, because..." "I hope that you shall never have to encounter such people or be in such a situation ever again." " ( Spoon clatters )" " Well?" "Hmm?" "You don't have any questions?" "No?" "Well, I'll start, shall I?" "Approximately how many lives do you think she has time to destroy in one day?" " ( Cup thuds )" " Five?" "50?" "Or several hundreds?" "Look, this is just a big misunderstanding." "Boys..." " I don't-- I don't love your father." " ( Scoffs )" "Mrs. h:" "She's just saying that to make us feel better." "I'm sure you understand that." "( Crying )" "Because if it were a joke, I mean..." "If... this were really a joke, then it would be a joke so cruel." "No one can be that cruel." "To destroy a mesh of feelings woven over 20 years is no joke, I can assure you." "Well..." "If three's a crowd, then seven must be a bit of a challenge for the pretty miss." "I must say I have a hard time picturing her enjoying loneliness." "I think we'd better grab the chance to get away, before things become grotesque." "( Crying ) Come on." " No, dad!" " No." "No." "No." "Come on." "( Grunts, huffs )" "You wouldn't want to give your father a guilty conscience now, would you?" "( Screams )" "( Grunts )" "( Sobbing )" "( Screams )" "So how did this episode affect your life?" "Not at all." " Not at all?" " No." "You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs." "Oh, that's true." "Some people..." "Blame the addict." "Other people feel sorry for the addict." "But I was an addict out of lust, not out of need." "( Chuckles softly )" "You would say that, wouldn't you?" "And lust that led to destruction around me..." "Everywhere I went." "Well, addiction sometimes leads to an..." "Absence of empathy." "You can't fight a lion and blow the noses of your children at the same time." "For me, nymphomania was callousness." "( Clicks tongue )" "You're very stubborn." "But what about yourself?" "How did you feel during all this?" "Did you feel good or did you feel bad?" "Mrs. h was right about the loneliness." "I'd be lying if I said it hadn't been my constant companion." "So you were with all these men and you still felt alone?" "I didn't want to tell you about it..." "But you've led me into a trap." "It was a certain feeling." "Oh, how awful that everything has to be so trivial." "When I was seven, i had to have an operation." "Nothing serious, but it did require anesthesia." "I had already been pre-medicated and was feeling all right." "But when I looked into the room where the doctors and nurses were preparing for the operation..." "It was as if I had to pass through an impenetrable gate all by myself." "It wasn't just that i missed my mom." "I don't think i missed my dad, even though he was the nice one." "It was as if I was completely alone in the universe." "As if my whole body was filled with loneliness and tears." "And I'm still not allowed to feel sorry for you?" "Shall we go on?" "What are you reading?" "I'm not reading really." "I'm just reacquainting myself with Edgar Allan poe." "I don't know him." "No." "Well, he was a..." "A very anxiety-ridden man." "He died in the most fearful way you can imagine, in something called delirium tremens." "It occurs when a long time abuse of alcohol is followed by..." "By a sudden abstinence." "And your body goes into some kind of a hypersensitive shock." "You can see the most horrifying hallucinations like rats and snakes and cockroaches coming out of the floor and worms slithering in the walls." "One's entire nervous system is on high alert and you have a constant panic and paranoia." "And then the circulatory system fails." "But the panic and horror..." "Remains until the moment of death." "( Rustles )" "I know what delirium is." "Seligman's voice:" ""During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens, i had been passing alone, on horseback, through a singularly dreary tract of country," "and at length found myself, as the shades of the evening drew on, within view of the melancholy house of Usher."" "( Father moans )" "( Whispers ) Hey, dad." "( Sighs ) Hey, luv." "How are you?" "I fought with mom." "( Sighing )" "She's-- she's not coming." "You ought not to fight with her." "You know kay's fear of hospitals." "I know she's not coming." "We already said everything we needed to say." "Kay and I said goodbye at home." "I don't want her here at all." "I can't accept that." "( Snorts ) You'll have to." "She's a cowardly stupid bitch." "No, she's not." " Yes." "Yes." " No, she's not." "No, she's not." "Yes, she is, and you've never understood that." "( Breathes deeply ) Mmm." "Doesn't it scare you?" "( Chuckles ) No." "No." "How can you not be afraid?" "I've seen so many die." "Then there's that..." "Epicurus quote about not fearing death." ""When we are, death has not come." "When death has come..." "We are not."" "We know what's going to happen." "I also know all of the drugs the doctors have to offer." "So no..." "I am not" "I am not afraid." "Hmm." "A beautiful girl." " Beautiful dad." " ( Chuckles )" "( Sighs )" "( Shouts ) K-kay!" " Daddy, it's okay." " ( Gasping )" "Kay?" "( Sobbing )" "Daddy." "Hey." "It's gonna be okay." "Don't you want to take a little walk?" "I'll stay with your father in the meantime." "You'll stay?" " You'll stay here?" " Yes." "( Sniffles )" "( Breathing heavily )" "Ash tree leaves." "Where did you find them?" "They were in the park." "It truly is the most beautiful tree in the forest." "But, dad..." "How do you recognize it in winter?" "I've told you a hundred times." "But I can't remember." "When the ash tree was created..." "It made all the other trees in the forest jealous..." "'Cause it was..." "It was the most beautiful tree in the forest." "It had the strongest wood." "It was the world tree in norse mythology." "You couldn't say anything bad about it." "And when all the other trees..." "Saw the ash tree with its..." "Black buds..." "They all started laughing." ""Oh, look..." "The ash tree's had its fingers in the ashes."" "( Young Joe crying )" " ( Father grunting )" " Dad." "Daddy!" "Daddy." "Daddy, what's wrong?" "Daddy, what's wrong?" "What's wrong?" " ( Screaming )" " Daddy, it's me!" "It's me, daddy." "It's me!" "Help!" "Help!" " Daddy, it's okay." " Okay." " ( Alarm beeping )" " Nurse:" "Okay." " ( Screaming continues )" " Nurse:" "It's okay." " It's okay." "It's all right." " ( Father babbles )" "( Mumbles )" "It's all right." " Doctor:" "We have to fixate him." " ( Father grunting )" "What are you doing?" "What are you doing to me?" "Joe!" "What are you doing to me?" "( Screaming )" " Joe!" "Help!" "Joe!" " ( Crying )" "You should take a break." "( Softly ) Okay." "( Screaming continues )" "( Lights humming )" "( Machinery humming )" "Young Joe:" "Excuse me." "Can you help me to clean... um..." "Nurse:" "Oh." "Okay, mister..." "Don't worry." " Just" " I need some help." " ( Clattering )" "Nurse:" "We're going to have to change the sheets." "Ready?" "( Machinery humming )" "( Moaning )" "( Crying )" "Joe's voice:" "When he died, i had no feelings left." "Seligman's voice:" "Well, that's certainly understandable." "Joe's voice:" "No." "I don't know what happened to me." "It was very shameful." "Seligman's voice:" "Shameful?" "I don't understand." "I lubricated." "I know you like to present yourself in a negative way and that you have this kind of dark bias that you're worse than everyone else." "But this story doesn't add to that belief." "It's extremely common to react sexually in a crisis." "It may be shameful to you, but in literature there's many worse examples." "( Train approaching )" "( Cup rattles )" "You listen to music, I see?" "Yes." "I like it a lot." "Shall I find a tape?" "No, if there's a tape already in the machine," " I'd like to hear that." " It's something I've been listening to a lot lately, though it's not an entirely complete recording, unfortunately." " What is it?" " It's bach, from his little organ book." ""Ich ruf zu dir, herr jesu Christ."" "The theme is originally a hymn, but bach rearranged it and embellished it a little." "He was the master of polyphony, if you know what that is." "No." "Yet another thing I don't know." "Well, polyphony is from the middle ages." "It's an entirely European phenomenon." "It's distinguished by-- by the idea that every voice is its own melody but together in harmony." "Bach's forerunner palestrina, he wrote many works for several choirs" " at the same time, wallowing in polyphony." " ( Choir singing )" "But in my eyes, bach perfected the melodic expression and the harmony." "And also-- also mixed up with some..." "Rather incomprehensible mystique regarding numbers, most likely based on the fibonacci sequence." "You know, the one that starts with a zero, then comes the one." "The sequence is created by adding the two previous numbers to create the new one, so it's zero plus one makes one, and one plus one makes two, and two plus one makes three, and three plus two makes five, and five plus three makes eight," "and eight plus five makes 13." "The sequence has an interesting connection to Pythagoras' theorem and the golden section." "It was all about finding a divine methodology in art and architecture." "A bit like the way a tritone-- which was played on the piano in your little club-  was supposed to be a satanic interval." " ( Tritone playing )" "The sum of the numeric values represented in bach's name is 14, a number he often used in his compositions." "The clever thing about bach's name is that the numeric value of the individual letters are all fibonacci numbers." "This piece has three voices:" "A bass voice..." "The second voice played with the left hand..." "The first voice played with the right hand." "That is called cantus firmus or "can-toos feer-mus."" "And together, these three voices create the polyphony." "Normally, a nymphomaniac is seen as someone who can't get enough and therefore has sex with many different people." "Well, that of course is true, but if I'm to be honest, i see it precisely as..." "The sum of all these different sexual experiences." "So in that way, I have only one lover." "Since the music has three voices, i will limit myself to talking about three lovers." "The bass is easy:" "That's f." "F had a red car that he'd bought used." "As I was having sex with seven or eight men every night at the time, scheduling was tricky and they all had to have precise appointments." "F was a good man." "If he was scheduled for 10:00, he always showed up around 9:00 and parked down in the street." "I always smiled when I saw him." "Often I took pity on him and gave him a cup of coffee while I was finishing with the one before." "It's hard to say why I'm choosing to talk about f, but he was reassuring, and he knew exactly what i wanted when we had sex." "No, I'd go even further and say that there was a kind of telepathy going on when we had sex." " ( Breathing heavily )" " Without words, he knew exactly what I wanted, where he should touch me and what he should do." "The most sacred goal for f was my orgasm." " F:" "Well, and then..." " ( Laughs ) ...the swans answered in the same voice." "Joe's voice:" "And granted him privileges none of the others received." "F was the bass voice:" "Monotone, predictable and ritualistic." "No doubt about it." "But also the foundation that is so important even if, on its own, it doesn't mean much." "( Organ playing bass voice )" "Joe's voice:" "G was quite different." "The only one I had to and wanted to wait for." "When he finally turned up and I opened the door, he didn't immediately enter, the way a cat doesn't when you let it in, as if once the door is open, it has all the time in the world." "But he was more than a cat." " He was like some kind of Jaguar or leopard." " ( Door closes )" "He moved like them, which turned me on no end." "( Both breathing heavily )" "( Moans )" "Joe's voice:" "He was in charge." "That's the way it was." "( Both moaning )" "( Organ playing second voice )" "( Organ playing both tunes )" "( Music stops )" "Joe's voice:" "Despite my success in managing the complicated logistics involved in arranging up to 10 daily sexual satisfactions while also having a full-time job, i was still prone to a certain sadness." "So when my busy life allowed a few breaks, i used them to take my walks." "These repeated walks became a kind of metaphor for my life:" "Monotonous and pointless." " ( Bangs )" " Yes, precisely like" " the movements of a caged animal." " ( Growls )" "Basically, we're all waiting for permission to die." "( Birds chirping )" "Seligman's voice:" "No." "No no no." "No, there-- there are some completely unrealistic coincidences in your story about Jerome." "First, by chance he hires you as..." "As an assistant and then you take a walk in a forest that is littered with photographs of him." "And not only that, he's present." "And then like a God, pulls you up to him through the clouds." "Goodness gracious." "Joe's voice:" "Jerome was there because he had just had a fight with his wife, who, in anger, tore up the photographs they just had developed from their travels." "Seligman's voice:" "Oh, I don't know if I can believe this." "Joe's voice:" "Which way do you think you'd get the most out of my story?" "By believing in it or by not believing in it?" "Seligman's voice:" "No, you're right." "You might have a point with all this." "( Tritone playing )" "( Whispers ) The secret ingredient to sex is love." "The third voice:" "The secret ingredient." "Cantus firmus." "( Moans )" " Ah." " ( Laughs )" "( Both breathing heavily )" "Fill all my holes." "( Organ playing first voice )" "( Organ playing polyphony )" " ( Clicks ) - ( Music stops )" "( Jerome breathing heavily )" "What's wrong?" "Hmm?" "I can't feel anything." " Huh?" " I can't feel anything." "I can't feel anything." "( Crying ) I can't-- anything." "( Jerome sighs )" "( Young Joe sobs )" "( "F hre mich" playing )" "♪ Nymphomania... ♪" "♪ Nymphomania... ♪" "♪ Nymphomania... ♪" "♪ Nymphomania... ♪" "♪ Nymphomania... ♪" "♪ Nymphomania... ♪" "( Birds chirping )" "( Knocking )" " ( Knocks )" " Can I help you?" "( Phone ringing )" " ( Rings ) - ( Sighs )" "( Soft moaning )" "Joe's voice:" "I have to go back a bit." "I was 12 years old and on a school trip in the hills." "( Birds chirping )" "( Faint conversation )" "( Low rumbling )" "( Shuddering )" "( Ragged breathing )" "Are you making fun of me?" "What do you mean?" "You have this orgasm, not only an orgasm," " but a spontaneous orgasm." " Yes, it was an orgasm, though the doctor described it as a-- an epileptic seizure." "And during that orgasm, you have this vision of these two women on each side of you?" "Was she holding the veil with two fingers like this?" "What's the matter?" "You don't even-- you don't even know who these women were, do you?" "No, but one of them did look like the virgin Mary, now that you mention it." "Well, it wasn't the virgin Mary, I can tell you that." "From your description, it must've been valeria messalina, the wife of emperor claudius, the most notorious nymphomaniac in history." "And the other woman, the one astride the creature, that was no one else but the great whore of Babylon riding on nimrod in the form of a bull." "Your story is like a..." "Blasphemous retelling of the transfiguration of Jesus on the mount..." "Which is one of the eastern church's holiest passages." "It's when the humanity of Christ is illuminated by the divine light of eternity." "If anyone else would have told me that story," "I would've seen it as a blasphemous joke, spiced up with a biblical light emanating from nothing less than a spontaneous orgasm." "And then later, you lost your orgasm altogether." "( Opera music playing )" "Wagner." ""Das rheingold, the descent into nibelheim."" "Was it that bad?" "Try to imagine that in one fell swoop, you lost all desire to read and all your love and passion for books and letters." "( Scoffs ) I don't even know if I can imagine that." "( Sighs )" "( Soft moaning )" "( Sobbing )" "( Wails )" "Seligman's voice:" "This is nothing less than zeno's paradox." "You are achilles and the tortoise is the orgasm." "Oh, come on." "Because you were giving chase, you couldn't reach satisfaction." "That's the paradox." "I'm sorry, but it seems as if you're not taking this very seriously." "I'm telling you about the worst thing that's happened to me, that I, at that point within seconds, lost all sexual sensation." "My cunt simply went numb!" "And immediately we have to hear about this ridiculous mathematical problem." "In fact, I'm in doubt whether you're even listening." "Why do you doubt that?" "Whenever I've told other men about experiences, episodes in my sex life, it was easy to see that they became quite excited." "I got excited." "Yes, about the mathematical crap, not about the story." "What kind of a person are you actually?" "I..." "You wouldn't know." "No, but I can guess." "Why didn't I get that earlier?" "The fact you don't get excited over my dirty stories is because you can't relate to them." "You've never been with a woman." "That's quite accurate." "Not with a man either." "( Sighs )" "Are you sorry about that?" "Well yeah, but..." "Out of curiosity." "Not out of lust, as you would think." "I consider myself..." "Asexual." "Of course I..." "Experimented with masturbation when I was a teenager, but..." "It didn't do much for me." "So there's nothing sexual about me." "It's not as uncommon as you would think." "And of course I've" "I've read a lot about sexual subjects:" ""Canterbury tales," "decameron,"" ""thousand and one nights."" "You name it and I've read it with great interest and enjoyment..." "But only literary enjoyment." "But I-- but I think maybe it makes me a better listener to your story." "I have no preconceived notions or-- or preferences." "I'm actually the best judge you could give your story to." "And when it comes to deciding whether you're a bad human being or not, I'm-- i have no problems with that." "Because I don't look at you through the glasses colored by sexuality or sexual experience." "I'm a virgin." "I'm innocent." "( Organ music playing )" "( Train rumbling past )" "She's looking at me." "Yes." "It's an icon." "Is it Russian?" "Yes, it's-- it's a skilled copy, maybe in the manner of rublev." "Seligman:" "Icons are usually connected to the eastern church." "Joe:" "The eastern church?" "I might become a bit theoretical." "You may." "I'd like you to tell me about your picture." "Although the Christian church was split up in 1054 because of differences in opinion between the eastern church and the Western church-- what we today call the orthodox church and the Roman catholic church." "This is a typical eastern church icon." "And it usually depicts the virgin Mary and the infant Jesus, and more rarely, for instance, the crucifixion, which in the Western church was much more prevalent." "If you generalize, you could say that the Western church is the church of suffering, and the eastern church is the church of happiness." "If you imagine a mental journey from Rome eastward, you feel how you move away from guilt and pain towards joy and light." "But you say you didn't believe in God." "No, but the concept of religion is interesting..." "Like the concept of sex." "But you won't find me on my knees with the regards to either." "Let's call this chapter, um, "the eastern church and the Western church."" "But it won't be-- it won't be a story about traveling east from Rome towards the light, but rather the opposite." "So in order not to make it too sad," "I've pepped up the name of the chapter with an extra title." "In spite of my tireless efforts, my cunt totally failed to respond." "I have to admit there came a time when we had fun together." "I'll give you a fiver..." "Uh-huh." "...if you can put this up inside your cunt." "( Laughs ) A fiver?" "Right." "( Spoons clatter )" "( Laughs ) Shit." "Thank you." "You're welcome." " Didn't get any spoons?" " No, we didn't." "( Spoons clatter )" "( Clatters )" "( Clattering )" "( Laughing )" "The most grotesque thing was that it was during that period where every sexual sensation was denied me-- a period, I must admit, of secure and restful domestic comfort-- we had moved in together and so on" "that I became pregnant, because I was careless about my birth control pills." "Consciously or unconsciously, it was important for me to have a caesarean." "I mean, I was hoping that my cunt was going to fucking work again, and I had a feeling that a haphazard birth wouldn't make things better." "I may have been imagining things, but as I lay there the noise from the instruments rang out in a chord like the one from the little flock." " ( Clangs )" " Yes." "And it wasn't fear." "More like a kind of disgust." "( Clangs )" "( Sloshes )" "( Clangs )" "Joe's voice:" "I could've sworn i saw him laughing." "A laughing son?" "In "doctor faustus," Thomas mann describes the birth of Noah's son ham, who was laughing when he was born." "Another satanic omen." "Incidentally, the innocent child was named marcel, after Mars, the Roman God of war." "And motherhood?" "I assume maternal love didn't quite live up to its expectations." "No, I didn't have any expectations." "And maternal love wasn't a problem." "It was just that each time" "I looked into the child's eyes," "I had this unsettling feeling of having been found out." " ( Rattles ) - ( Babbles )" "Joe's voice:" "I know it's probably a strange thing to say about a child-- that my love wasn't being returned-- but it was my perception." "( Fusses )" "( Pants )" "( Moaning )" "If Jerome had hoped for a break from what was for him now mostly strenuous work, he could forget about it." "Fill all my holes." "I can't, Joe." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "Can we talk about it?" "Of course." "I love you, I love your wildness and your desire." "At the moment I don't seem to satisfy you in the way that I'd like to." "Don't get upset, Joe." "It doesn't mean we won't continue with our sex life, which is very important to me." "( Sniffs )" "Very important to me." "Mmm, when you buy a tiger, right?" "You also have to feed it." "Um, satisfy it, right?" "( Sniffs )" "Long story short:" "I have a tiger on my hands." " You mean I'm too much for you." " No." "You're just the way you should be." "I was just thinking if you would consider that I get a little help with the feeding, that's all." "You're saying I should have sex with others as well." "That's a rather cruel way of putting it, Joe, but..." " But exact." " ..." "Exact." "( Sighs )" "( Laughs )" "Joe's voice:" "For a long time I'd been playing around with the idea that the concept of the fuck-me-now clothes could be improved..." "You look nice." "...and became the piano teacher." "Driver:" "You okay?" "No." "What's the matter?" "Well, I'm such an idiot with cars." "I don't really know what to do." "Do you mind helping me?" "Man:" "Well, of course it won't work." "Sparkplug caps have been removed." "Yes, I did that." "Was that wrong?" " ( Man snorts )" " Joe's voice:" "For the first time I had the pleasure of having an 8-cylinder car." "The possible combinations of eight spark-plug caps on eight spark plugs are 40,320, if I remembered my math correctly." "And only one of these will make the car run, which gave me all the time I needed." " ( "F r elise" playing )" " Man:" "Beethoven, huh?" "He was certainly very good, but, you know," " he couldn't write a fugue." " You think so?" "Well..." "Yeah, I think so." "( "F r elise" continuing )" "It would be more precise to say that Beethoven renewed the fugue..." "But he was such a visionary that the old bach purists, they accused him of not mastering it." "Good day?" "( Tile shatters )" "( "F r elise" continuing )" "Joe's voice:" "And now to reach the heart of your suffering Western church, i have to jump ahead three years in the story and talk about my meeting with what I would call" ""the dangerous men."" "I was alone with marcel a lot during this period, as Jerome was traveling most of the time." "And when he was finally home, he spent most of the time accusing me of neglecting marcel, which in my opinion was just a cover for his anger over my lovers." "Any sexual satisfaction, let alone orgasm, was further away than ever before." "( Men speaking foreign language )" "I had to make a change." "And somehow the inspiration had been right there beneath my window the whole time." "I could feel that it turned me on enormously to imagine a sexual situation in which verbal communication was impossible." " Hello." " Hello." "I'm Tobias, the interpreter." "Hello, I'm Joe." "Come in." "I understand that you master the African languages." "I do have a basis." "Who and what needs interpretation?" "Um, that man..." "The one with the green jacket?" "You are to ask him if he wants to have sex with me." "Yeah?" "Um..." "( No discernable dialog )" "Is it a go?" "Tobias:" "It's hard to say." "I've written down the time and the place, but, um..." "Honestly I wouldn't like to take responsibility for the precise wording in this case, which I think, uh, accidentally may belong to a grey zone in my profession." "Joe's voice:" "It was the address of a cheap hotel." "( Men arguing in foreign language )" "Seligman's voice:" "Why were there two?" "Joe's voice:" "My words exactly." "Apparently n had brought his brother along." "Very sorry." "Sorry sorry sorry." "( Chatting )" "( Arguing )" "( Sighs )" "( Grumbling )" " ( Moaning ) - ( N speaking )" "( Men arguing )" "( Groaning )" "( Arguing )" "Seligman's voice:" "Why was he so angry?" "Joe's voice:" "Clearly it was something personal between them, but later I heard that performing a sandwich requires great sensitivity, since the men apparently can feel each other through the tissue." "I imagine the quarrel had already started on the stairs and that one or the other party had laid claim to one or the other of my holes in conflict with his negro brother's interests." "You shouldn't use that word." "It's not what you call politically correct-  "negro."" " Well, excuse me, but in my circles it's always been a mark of honor to call a spade a spade." "Each time a word becomes prohibited, you remove a stone from the Democratic foundation." "Society demonstrates its impotence in the face of a concrete problem by removing words from the language." "I think society would claim that-- that politically correctness is a very precise expression of Democratic concern for minorities." "And I say that society is as cowardly as the people in it, who in my opinion are also too stupid for democracy." "I understand your point, but I totally disagree." "I have no doubt in the human qualities." "( Scoffs ) The human qualities can be expressed in one word:" "Hypocrisy." "We elevate those who say "right" but mean "wrong"" "and mock those who say "wrong" but mean "right."" "By the way, i can assure you that women who claim that negros don't turn them on," " they're lying." " So did they satisfy you?" "Those ne-negros?" "No." "But they showed me that there was a world far from mine I had to explore." "And there, or perhaps on the other side, get my life back." "( Footsteps )" "( Door opens )" "Who are you?" "I know what you do." "I'd like to be one of the women you see." "That's of no interest." "Madame." "( Door closes )" "( Footsteps approaching )" "( Door opens )" "Princess," "I specifically said five days, and five days haven't gone yet." "So..." "You'll have to leave." "I'm sorry." "I, um" "I don't think this is for you." "Seligman's voice:" "How mysterious." "Will you give me a reasonable explanation now or shall we wait?" "I can't give you an explanation, and certainly not a reasonable..." "What exactly were the rumors about him?" "That he was violent." "How can that be inciting?" "I think the easiest way to understand it is to refer to my rebellious nature." "This business of k's was something I was completely against." "So the fact that I was now contacting him was a last, desperate attempt to rehabilitate my sexuality." "The system was the overriding factor with k." "A system of violence?" "Well, you were the one who insisted on the Western church, right?" "And I-- I seem to remember that the systematic approach to the crucifixion is of a violent and not to say sadistic nature." "Oh yes, the passion of Christ is full of systematic violence-- the via dolorosa, the nine stations of the cross and the 39 lashes." "( Door opens, closes )" "You are beginning to irritate me." "Stand up." "I just want you to sit completely relaxed..." "While I hit you in the face." "Nothing special." "It's just a-- it's just a slap." "Are you ready?" "( Grunts )" " ( Grunts ) - ( Yelps )" "Let me tell you the rules then." "( Sniffs )" "The first rule is that I don't fuck you and that there isn't any discussions about that." "Then what do you get out of it?" "That's my business and I don't want you to mention it again." "The second rule is that we have no safe word." "Meaning that if you, uh, go inside with me, there is nothing that you can say that will make me stop any plan or procedure." "You must bring a brown used leather riding crop." "And not one from a shop selling sex toys." "It's not a masquerade." "Third rule:" "If I choose to let you in, you have to be sitting out here." "In other words, you-- you won't know when." "Only that it will be sometime between... 2:00 and 6:00 at night." "I can't stay here that late." "My babysitter's not reliable and..." "I can't leave my child." "You don't even know my name!" "I'm not interested in your name." "Here your name is..." "Fido." "( Baby fussing )" "Babysitter:" "Marcel's awake." "D'you want to say goodbye to your mom?" "( Kisses ) Goodbye." "( Kisses )" "I'll take your coat." "I'd like you to have your hair up." "You can use this." "Just in case it becomes necessary for me to hit you in the face." "Should I take my clothes off?" "I'll tell you what to do..." "And when." "Now you may bend down." "How?" "Approach the chair." "Now bend from the hips." "Look forward." "Look forward." "With your head up." "Head up." "Keep looking forward." "( Banging )" "Keep looking forward." "You may stand up." "We have to use the couch." "( Grunts )" "Come this way." "Take it easy, take it easy." "Bend over." "Lay your arms out straight." "( Heavy breathing )" "Take it easy." " Take it easy." " ( Metal clicks )" "( Panting )" "( Whispers ) Take it easy." "Next time don't wear knickers." "( Ragged breathing )" "( Sobs )" "Your ass is not high enough." "I don't think we can do this today." "What?" "I'd like to see you again on Thursday." "What's wrong?" "I think we should see how it goes on Thursday." "( Bangs )" "( Dials, rings )" "Babysitter's voice:" "Hi, I can't come to the phone right now." "Please leave a message." "( Beeps )" "Yes, this is marcel's mother again." "Uh, it's now 1:30." "We had an agreement." "I hope you get this message and come as quickly as you can." "Uh, marcel is sleeping." "Um..." "I have to go now." "Better." "Also so much better." "So much better." "I am now going to hit you 12 times" " no matter how much you scream..." " ( Taps crop ) ...'cause no one can hear you down here." "( Screams, gasps )" "That's, uh-- that's not how it goes." "Most people don't scream until I hit them." "( Gulps )" " ( Blow strikes ) - ( Whimpers )" "( Blow strikes )" "( Breathing heavily )" "( Moans )" "Oh!" "( Sniffling )" "That's it." "Thank you." "You're very welcome." "I don't know where we get our sexuality from or where tendencies of this kind come from." "Probably a perversion created in our childhood that never manifested itself before." "Well, oddly enough," "Freud says the opposite." "He talks about the polymorphic perversion of a child." "Meaning that in a child, all kinds of perversions exist." "And then we use the childhood to diminish or remove some of them." "Basically a child is sexually polymorphic and everything is sexuality in an infant." "And yet it was deeply bizarre to lie there and especially to want to lie there." "It is an interesting point that you actually lubricated in expectation for a pain that you hadn't experienced." "Your body prepared itself for an intercourse that you knew wouldn't happen." "Joe's voice:" "I can only describe the mood as sexual." "As I twisted and turned while he was whipping me, i could feel how clever his knots were." "If I fought them, they would get tighter, and as I relaxed, it seemed they did too." "I don't know what kind of knot k used..." "But I know of a knot that tightens when force is exerted and vice versa." "It's called a prusik knot." "It's after a man called prusik." "He was a Mountain climber." "And he and a friend were out climbing and they had an accident and his friend died." "And he ended up hanging at the end of a rope with no possibility of getting up." "You know, you can't climb up a Mountain-climber rope." "It's too thin." "But he was an intelligent man, and with his back to the wall he was a genius." "And he took the shoelaces out of his boots and made two loops and affixed them to the rope." "And he could move these up when they weren't under tension." "And then he could step into them and climb the rope and save himself." "( Pebbles clattering )" "Prusik." "I think this was one of your weakest digressions." "May I continue?" "Well, be my guest." "( Coins clinking )" "( Exhales )" "I sometimes give a Christmas present." "But, uh, you have to do the work yourself." "This is called a blood knot." "You have to make nine ropes with three blood knots on each." "Let me see you do it." "You decide whether to make four, five or six turns in the various knots." "( Ragged breathing )" "( Plow beeping )" "( Ticking )" " ( Marcel coos ) - ( Truck engine stops )" "( Beeping, engine starts )" "( Grunting )" "( Babbling )" "( Opera music playing )" "( Coos )" "Joe?" "Hello." "Marcel?" "Marcel!" "( Marcel crying )" "( Wailing )" "( Scratches )" "Are you fond of me still?" " Yes." " More fond of me than the others?" " Yes?" " Joe:" "Yes." "You're not thinking of leaving again tonight, are you?" " No." " No?" " No no." "Not at all." " Are you sure?" "Yeah." "Are you lying to me, Joe?" " No." " Be honest." "It's all right." "Just fucking say it." "No, I" " I just want to be here." "Why?" "I don't know." "If you leave tonight..." "You'll never see me or marcel ever again in your life." "Do you understand?" "( Sobbing )" "Is this goodbye?" " ( Continues sobbing )" " Is that what you're saying?" "Marcel, get up." " Joe:" "Stop it." " Is that what you want?" "Here, so you could see him." "Look at him, Joe." "Let's face it, Joe, you're not a mother." " ( Sobbing )" " Let's wake him up." "Marcel, baby boy," " say, "bye, mom." - ( Fussing )" " Please put him back." " Is this what you want?" " Hmm?" " ( Marcel cries )" " Ma." " You see?" "You see, he wants you." "Come." "It's Christmas." "It's fucking Christmas." "( Footsteps )" "( Door opens )" "What is this?" "Today it's madame who must wait." "Madame, I'm very sorry, but I have to have a few words with fido first." "I really ought to send you home." "Happy Christmas, fido." "( Pants )" "( Whispers ) I want your cock." "What did you say?" "( Inhales ) I want your cock." "No." "No, you don't." " No, you don't." "No." " ( Sobs )" "What's the matter with you today?" "On account of the holidays and your behavior today," "I'm going to give you the original Roman maximum of 40 lashes." "Are you ready, fido?" "I'm ready." "One." "Two." " ( Yelps )" " Three." "Four." "Five." "Six." "( Panting )" "Joe's voice:" "I'd seen through k's knot technique, so I was able to loosen my position a bit to move my pelvis, and thereby stimulate my clitoris against the cover of the book." "( Gasping )" "( Loud moaning )" "And when you came home," "Jerome and the child were gone?" "I haven't seen marcel since." "( Shatters )" "The sentimentality of" "I hate it." "Why?" "Because it's a lie." "Are you sure?" "( Pottery scrapes )" "Jerome understood that he couldn't prioritize his life according to a child either." "So he put him in a foster home." "My only contact to the boy is the thousand pounds" "I put in his account every month." "Anonymously." "As a penance." "After all this sadness, may I ask..." "What happened to the silent duck?" "Oh shit." "The silent duck." "I'd forgotten all about it." "One night k had been in what was for him an unusually good mood." "I don't know what caused it, but he didn't hit hard and he joked that he would introduce me to the concept of the silent duck." "( Silent )" "Seligman's voice:" "One hardly dare imagine" ""the quacking duck."" "( Loud quacking )" "Oh." "Well, deep down, little k seems to have been a jolly man with versatile talents." "But he got that bit about" "Roman punishment and the 40 lashes wrong." "Because it's true that the highest punishment was 40 lashes, but it had to be delivered in series of three." "That's why Jesus only got 39 lashes, because three goes into 39 but not into 40." "You have a mirror." "Yes." "It's like a thought, isn't it?" "Are you ready for another chapter?" "Go on." "( Rattling )" "Joe's voice:" "Some years later, the bodily abuse began to have an effect." "First, rare bleedings from my clitoris, but then they became more and more frequent." "Woman:" "Come in." "Have you heard any of the rumors about yourself?" "They say you see men every evening." "And spend all night with them." "They say you can't be trusted-- all of them." "Why do they say that?" "I suppose they're afraid that I" "I can't keep away from their men." "Right." " And can you?" " No." "I've spoken with a psychologist." "He says you're addicted, but that it's not the kind of addiction that can't be treated." "They have some groups." "I know about these kinds of groups." "I don't have anything to say to a psychologist." "I'm not suggesting therapy." "I'm demanding it." "Even if you leave us, it'll be the same at your next job and the one after that." "My name is Joe..." "Group:" "Hi, Joe." "...and I'm a nymphomaniac." "Therapist:" "Sex addict." "My name is Joe and I'm a nymphomaniac." "We say sex addict." "Here everyone's the same." "Therapist:" "You should only speak when you feel you have to." "What you're saying is that no one can remove their sexuality even though it's destroying everything for them." "I wouldn't say no one." "But let's say, at most, one in a million manage to live a life without sexuality." "But you can't be basing your therapy" " on that one in a million." " No." "The first and most important step is to remove incentive and to reduce exposure." "You have to ask yourself what kind of incentives you have and then make it difficult for yourself to come into contact with them." "Basically anything that makes you think about sex." "Joe has something she'd like to share." "My name is Joe..." "Group:" "Hi, Joe." "...and I'm a sex addict, but I haven't had sex for three weeks and five days." "( Applause )" "Tell us how you did it, Joe." " You brought notes?" " Yes." ""Dear everyone, don't think it's been easy, but I understand now that we are all alike."" "Are you okay, Joe?" "Yes yes." "Would you like a glass of water?" "Thank you." "Would you rather share another time?" "No, I'd like to speak." "Dear everyone, don't think it's been easy, but I understand now that we're not and never will be alike." "I'm not like you, who fucks to be validated and might just as well give up putting cocks inside you." "And I'm not like you." "All you want is to be filled up, and whether it's by a man or by tons of disgusting slop makes no difference." "And I'm definitely not like you." "That empathy you claim is a lie, because all you are is society's morality police, whose duty is to erase my obscenity from the surface of the earth so that the bourgeoisie won't feel sick." "I'm not like you." "I am a nymphomaniac, and I love myself for being one." "But above all," "I love my cunt and my filthy, dirty lust." "♪ Watch out ♪" "♪ you might get what you're after ♪" "♪ cool, babies ♪" "♪ strange, but not a stranger ♪" "♪ I'm an ordinary guy ♪" "♪ burning down the house!" "♪" "What just happened?" "I didn't get that-- with the car that burned." "No, I'm sorry." "I was just in too much of a hurry to get to the last chapter." "I understood that society had no room for me, and I had no room for society and never had." "I'm sure it was quite natural for you to furnish your room as a monk's cell, but as an inspiration for the story chapter headings, it hasn't been easy." "There's simply nothing left for me to use." "Well, I'm sorry about that." "But if I may, I can give you a tip." "Yes, please." "You know, I occupy myself mostly with text, but sometimes the text can seem so..." "So empty, so unfathomably empty." "It could be the best text by the most famous author." "The solution might be to change your point of view." "I-I don't get that." "Things hide..." "When they become familiar." "But if you look at them from another angle, they might take on a new meaning." "You're right." "Before this was just the stain from the tea I threw." "Can you see what it could be?" "Seligman:" "A revolver." "No, a revolver has a drum that revolves." "It's a pistol." "Can you see what kind it could be?" "No, I don't remember anything like that from my literature." "Oh, but it's something I can remember from mine." "Ian Fleming." "Not familiar." "If you haven't read that, you haven't read anything at all." "This could be, with a little imagination, a walther p.P.K. Automatic, the same gun that was issued to bond after his preferred pistol, the beretta, had jammed." "Is that something you can use?" "Oh yes, it is." "♪ Burning down the house!" "♪" "♪ Hold tight ♪" "♪ wait till the party's over ♪" "♪ hold tight... ♪" "Joe's voice:" "Whether I left society, or it left me, i cannot say." "I suppose you could make an argument for both sides." "♪ Burning down the house!" "♪" "I was on my way to the shady side of the debt-collecting business, which among other things involved stuff like burning people's cars." "I had for a long time known about this man, I." "Hi, my name is Joe." "I know that." "Come in." "I'm looking for a job." "I've been working in an office, and I was never really good at it." "I can understand that." "I mean, what's the point?" "I believe I possess some qualifications and that I'm rather unscrupulous." "I know all about your qualifications and they're excellent." "I would suggest that you start your own little business with my help." "I understand you possess a great deal of insight about a rather broad spectrum of men." "This could be-- or should be capitalized on." "I need sub-contractors who can put moderate pressure on individuals with whom my clients rightly or wrongly have a bone to pick." "Understand?" "Extortion." "No." "No no no no." "I always prefer the term" ""debt collection."" " Yeah." " I refrain from judging whether my clients' wishes are legitimate or otherwise." "A point of view" "I strongly recommend you follow." "Joe's voice:" "My main qualification of course was my considerable experience with men and sex." "But even my more specialized skills came in handy." "( Man panting )" "( Screams )" "No, now this is not how it goes." "You have to wait until you're hit." "( Cracks )" "The two helpers that I had recommended were okay, but they were predisposed to a rather repetitive technique, which consisted of creating as much havoc as possible with a pair of iron bars." "( Shards clatter )" "Destroying your things doesn't seem to have much effect on you." "Joe's voice:" "Here was a man i was unable to read sexually, so I became persistent." "Tie him to the chair." "Don't hurt him." "( Tape ripping )" "I can't find a stain on you, but my experience tells me that no man is spotless." "Luckily, you're equipped with a very reliable truth-detector." "( Man grunts )" "I'm going to tell you a few stories." "All you have to do is listen." "You're in a bar watching a couple" "Joe's voice:" "I now meticulously went through the catalog of sexual deviations in fictional form." "Stories about sadomasochism, fetishism, homosexuality, you name it." "But he didn't react." "And I'd almost given up when I said:" "On your way home, you walk through the park." "And something makes you stop." "You hear something." "( Silent )" "Yes, that's it." "You can hear the children on the playground." "You sit on a bench nearby and watch them play." "There's a little boy in shorts." "He's playing in the sandpit." "He looks at you with his blue eyes." "He smiles at you." "I think he comes to you." "He sits on your lap and looks up at your face." "He says he'd like to come home with you." "At home you can't fight the idea of being naked together." "He crawls all over you." " You get an erection." " Won't you please stop?" "He lies on his stomach." "You pull down his pants." "I'll pay!" "( Sobbing )" "You did what?" "I gave him a blowjob." "Why?" "That pig?" "!" " I took pity on him." " Pity?" "Yes." "I had just destroyed his life." "Nobody knew his secret, most probably not even himself." "He sat there with the shame." "I suppose I sucked him off as a kind of apology." "That's unbelievable." "No, listen to me." "This is a man who'd succeeded in repressing his own desire, who had never before given into it right up until i forced it out." "He had lived a life full of denial and had never hurt a soul." "I think that's laudable." "No matter how hard I try," "I can't find anything laudable in pedophilia." "That's because you think about the perhaps 5% who actually hurt children." "The remaining 95% never live out their fantasies." "Think about their suffering." "Sexuality is the strongest force in human beings." "To be born with a forbidden sexuality must be agonizing." "The pedophile who manages to get through life with the shame of his desire while never acting on it deserves a bloody medal." "But there was another reason for my sympathy, which you find so mysterious." "I saw a man who was carrying the same cross as myself." "Loneliness." "We were both sexual outcasts." "In any case, some years passed, during which my business grew, enabling me to step up my anonymous deposits to marcel." "Your business is doing great..." "You complete all the jobs I give you to perfection and I hear only words of praise from your other clients." "But..." " But what?" " ..." "We aren't getting any younger." "Oh." "No, that's for sure." "I think you're getting to that age where you have to start thinking about a successor." "Ohhh." " I don't need a fucking successor." " Listen." "A person should take their crime seriously." "You need someone to be your right hand, someone to help you." "A crown princess." "The normal process is to find out what colleagues are in prison or are drug addicts, and thereby unable to fulfill their roles as parents." "Then you find out where their kids play football..." "And you get involved." "You cheer them on for a couple of years no matter how bad they are." "Actually, the worse, the better." "That way gradually you take on the role of the parent until in the end you have a loyal helper that will walk through fire for you." "Even do time for you." "It sounds like a..." "Kind of an entrapment you're suggesting." " An unsavory entrapment." " Call it what you want, but if you believe at all in the effects of good parenting, that kid will have much greater opportunities with you as a mentor than without." "And since I like you," "I've been looking around for a suitable subject." "She's 15 years old from a family of hardened criminals, and she's been through a lot." "Last couple of years she's been institutionalized." "Her father is in prison and her mother died of an overdose." "She's a smart girl." "And although she doesn't play football, she does play basketball-- very badly." "She's chosen a team sport because she's lonely." "I saved the best part for last:" "Her right ear is slightly deformed..." "Which she's very ashamed of, and of course this serves to isolate her even more." "It makes her an easy target for even the slightest bit of attention or sign of empathy from you." "Joe's voice:" "Despite my protests, the clever I somehow talked me into actually having a look at p." "( Cheering )" "The longer i watched the poor girl with the deformed ear, the more repulsive i found the whole plan." " ( Shouts ) - ( Applause )" "Joe's voice:" "But as if I had foreseen this, the meeting with p filled me with pity and emotion." "And without wanting to, i found myself, weekend after weekend, at her games supporting the poor player." "Thanks for cheering me on." "You're welcome." "You played really well today." " No, I didn't." " You did." "You really improved yourself lately." "Joe's voice:" "I was proud to introduce p to my father's passion..." "And to his world." "It's actually..." "The souls of the trees that we see in the winter." "I think they look like human souls." "You're right." "They do look like human souls." "Twisted souls, regular souls, crazy souls." "All depending on the kind of lives human beings lead." "I found my tree, my soul tree." "This is my tree." "Young Joe:" "It's not an ash tree." "Father:" "No, it's an oak tree." "( Chuckles )" "My father found his soul tree, but I've-- I've never found mine." ""You will know it when you see it,"" "that's what he said." "Joe's voice:" "When p reached the age of majority and I became her personal advisor, i asked her to move in with me." "I've never seen you with your hair up." "It's so pretty." "( Breathing heavily )" "Joe's voice:" "All this time all my sexual activity had stopped." "My groin was one big sore from my abuse that wouldn't heal and made even masturbation impossible." "I experienced definite abstinence symptoms:" "Fever and cramps." "( Moans )" "( Glass shatters )" "( Breathing heavily )" "Joe, what's going on?" " Joe:" "Careful." " We need to clear this up." "( Whispers ) I just get this sometimes." "It's okay, it's okay." "Seligman:" "Perhaps she really loved you." "I couldn't accept it." "Perhaps because you really wanted it to be true." "Perhaps I hoped it." "It's very touching, all this about p." "Then you've probably misunderstood the whole thing." "( Pills rattle )" "Don't." "I wanna see you." " Don't." " Why?" " Please don't." " Why not?" "No." "No, I have a wound." " I have a wound." " It doesn't matter." "No, you don't understand." "I have that thing with my ear." "I'm so ashamed." "D'you like me?" "You're so beautiful." "( Sobbing )" "( Train passing )" "There's one thing I don't understand." "Did she know what you did for a living?" "P was very discreet and a girl of few words." "Oddly, although I worked strange hours, she never asked about my work." "But one day she had a question." "Joe?" "Why did you start coming to my basketball matches?" "It wasn't a coincidence, was it?" "No, it wasn't a coincidence." "I didn't tell you because I..." "I thought you'd be upset..." "And that you'd get angry at me." "I won't get angry." "What I do..." "My job isn't a normal job." "It's not legal." "No one in my family does anything legal." "A man that's helped me in my business suggested that i watched you." "The plan was that I" "I should look at you to see whether one day" "I could use you in my work." "I should make friends with you, because I knew you didn't have a mother or a father." "What's wrong with that?" "Don't you see how evil that plan was?" "I felt terrible." "You shouldn't have." "Why not?" "Because if you hadn't..." "We'd never have met." "I'd like to go with you to work" " next time." " No." "Will you think about it?" " No." " Yes." "( Laughs ) No." "She didn't take no for an answer." "No, of course not." "How do you keep a wave upon the sand?" "With the risk of being too clever for myself, social inheritance is an irrefutable fact." "If anyone knew about the laws of the street, it must've been p." "You're more right than you know." " ( Man yelling )" " Let's shoot the fucker." "Stop!" "Stop!" "We don't use firearms." " I'd like to have the gun." " The others have weapons too." "Well, I didn't know that." "But in any case, you're not to have one." "But guns aren't dangerous." "It depends on how you use them." "Yes, exactly." "I wasn't going to shoot him." "We wouldn't have gotten any money out of him that way." "Can I have the gun?" "Thank you." "You're evil." "Joe's voice:" "And now I'm afraid one of those coincidences you have such a hard time with occurred with a very special person." "It was p's job to take us to the debtors, so until I saw the name on the door, i had no idea whose house we were at." "Are you sure this is the right place?" "P:" "Yeah." "I was thinking maybe it's time for you to do this one on your own." "Yeah?" "Thank you, Joe." "I don't want anything destroyed and I don't want anybody hurt." "Okay?" "You just show yourself and offer him a reasonable payment plan." "If you say so." "Of course that's how I'll do it." "( Doorbell rings )" "Joe's voice:" "Whether the feeling when I saw Jerome again was love, i couldn't say." "But it was a feeling, and far stronger than I liked." "I was actually walking home through the alley here." "No two neighborhoods are totally different but still so close together that the shortest route from Jerome's house towards the center was through the alley." "( Rustling )" "( Door closes )" "Hello!" "How did it go?" "Brilliant." "Yeah, really well." "I made a reasonable payment plan like you told me to." "How did he look?" "Scared." "How old did he look?" " ( Unzipping )" " I dunno." "Ancient?" "( Laughs )" "Joe's voice:" "Jerome was to pay off his debt in six payments." "Every time p went to Jerome to collect, i paced around restlessly until she was back home again." "I even had to find my mother's sad old solitaire cards in order to make the hours pass." "Each night i was less reassured by her coming home than the night before." "The question of whether jealousy is the fear of sharing or the fear of losing was of little interest to me." "But yes, it was a fact that this unworthy feeling i had managed to suppress for so long was creeping up on me." "The evening she was to collect the final payment she didn't kiss me." "I took it to be forgetfulness, but the hours passed and she didn't return." "Every time i saw car lights, i thought it was p being driven home." "( Crickets chirping )" "( Soft snoring )" "Joe's voice:" "I had decided to flee." "I couldn't stay in this town with her and him." "I had cowardly made a plan to escape and head South, like from some ice age i didn't have the guts to turn around and face." "But the goodbye was sad and strangely unfulfilling." "And something called me on to seek further up the Mountain." "It's said to be difficult to take someone's life." "I would've said that it's more difficult not to." "For a human being, killing is the most natural thing in the world." "We're created for it." "Wonderful." "( Jerome laughs )" "( Groaning )" "Jerome:" "No, get off!" " ( P yelps ) - ( Laughs ) Sorry." " ( Jerome sighs ) - ( Laughs )" "Fireman's grip." "( Both grunt )" " ( P moans ) - ( Mutters )" "( Ragged breathing )" " ( Blows thudding ) - ( Joe whimpers )" " ( Moans ) - ( Panting )" "Oh." "Oh yeah." "( Whispering )" "( Spits )" "( Both groaning )" "Fill all my holes please." "I still don't know why the gun didn't work." "I did check to make sure that there were bullets in the magazine." "It simply malfunctioned, just like bond's beretta." "I think I know enough to say that even if you had rounds in the magazine of the walther p.P.K., and you'd taken off the safety..." "You cannot shoot until you rack the gun." "You pull and release the sliding mechanism." "And p hadn't done it because, as she said, she had no intention of shooting the man." "I don't know about bond, but I assume it has to be apparent from his books and his films that you have to rack an automatic pistol." "Of course, you're right." "I've seen it in films a thousand times." "It's morning." "And the snow is gone." "So the sun must be out?" "Yes, there is sun." "I've never managed to figure out where it comes from." "It must be some interplay between windows and towers and high buildings." "It's not much, but it's the sun you get here at my place." "It's beautiful." "Seligman's voice:" "In the beginning you said that your only sin was that you asked more of the sunset." "Meaning, I suppose, that you wanted more from life than was good for you." "You were a human being demanding your right." "And more than that, you were a woman demanding her right." "Does that pardon everything?" "Do you think if two men would've walked down a train looking for women, do you think anybody would have raised an eyebrow?" "Or if a man had led the life you had?" "And the story about Mrs. h would've been extremely banal if you'd been a man and your conquest would have been a woman." "When a man leaves his children because of desire, we accept it with a shrug, but you as a woman, you had to take on a-- a guilt, a burden of guilt that could never be alleviated." "And all in all, all the blame and guilt that piled up over the years became too much for you, you reacted aggressively-- almost like a man I have to say-- and you fought back." "You fought back against the gender that had been oppressing and mutilating and killing you and billions of women." "But I wanted to kill a human being." "Seligman's voice:" "But you didn't." "Joe:" "Because of a chance event." "You call it a chance event." "I call it subconscious resistance." "On the surface you wanted to kill, but deep down you celebrated human worth and a veil of forgetfulness draped itself over your knowledge of how to rack a gun." "( Snorts )" "Although all this sounds frighteningly close to the cliches of our times... ( Chuckles ) ...and I'm predisposed to knock holes in your arguments..." "I'm too tired." "Well, that's good." "Why don't you lay down?" "Yes." "Let me just say that telling my story as you insisted-- or permitted-- has put me at ease." "At this moment my addiction is very clear to me..." "And I've come to a decision." "Even though only one in a million, as my dubious therapist said, succeed in..." "Mentally, bodily..." "And in her heart of ridding herself of her sexuality, this is now my goal." "But is that a life worth living?" "It's the only way i can live it." "I will stand up against all odds..." "Just like a deformed tree on a hill." "I will muster all my stubbornness..." "My strength..." "My masculine aggression." "But most of all i want to say thanks to my new, and maybe first friend." "Thank you, seligman..." "Who perhaps is happy when all is said and done." "I'm happy at any rate that the shot didn't go off and made me a murderer." "If I may, I'd like to sleep now." "I'll make sure you won't be disturbed." "( Footsteps )" "Good night, Joe." "Good night, seligman." "( Breathing heavily )" "No!" "( Gun cocks )" "Seligman:" "But you-- you've fucked thousands of men." "( Gunshot )" " ( Body thuds ) - ( Clatters )" "( Rustling )" "( Zips )" " ( Shoes clatter ) - ( Footsteps )" " ( Door closes ) - ( Footsteps departing )" "( Rock music playing )" "♪ Hey, Joe ♪" "♪ where are you going with that gun in your hand?" "♪" "♪ Hey, Joe ♪" "♪ I said where are you going with that gun in your hand?" "♪" "♪ I'm going down to shoot my old lady ♪" "♪ you know I caught her messing around with another man ♪" "♪ I'm going down to shoot my old lady ♪" "♪ you know I caught her messing around with another man ♪" "♪ and that ain't too cool ♪" "♪ hey, Joe ♪" "♪ I heard you shot your woman down ♪" "♪ you shot her down now ♪" "♪ hey, Joe ♪" "♪ I heard you shot your lady down ♪" "♪ you shot her down to the ground ♪" "♪ yes, I did, i shot her ♪" "♪ you know I caught her messing around town ♪" "♪ yes, I did, i shot her ♪" "♪ you know I caught my old lady messing around town ♪" "♪ and I gave her the gun ♪" "♪ I shot her ♪" "♪ hey, Joe ♪" "♪ where you gonna go to now?" "♪" "♪ Hey, Joe ♪" "♪ where you gonna go to now?" "♪" "♪ I'm going way down South ♪" "♪ way down to Mexico way ♪" "♪ I'm going way down South ♪" "♪ way down where I can be free ♪" "♪ ain't no hangman gonna ♪" "♪ he ain't gonna put a rope around me ♪" "♪ hey, Joe ♪" "♪ you'd better run on down ♪" "♪ good night. ♪" "( Vocalizing )" "( Music fades )"