"That's funny." "That's real funny." "talking about the new hit movie..." "Great comedy." "Starring... and..." "Big Hairy." "It made me laugh so hard." "This movie is about a..." "He's suddenly all like... it's great." "Big Hairy and Mike in the morning." "We'll talk about it." "But let's get to some music." "The new Tween Wave band... with their song..." "Coming this fall to Fox CBS FX." "Jurassic Park and Lost in the same TV show." "Dinosaur." "Lost human." "Future yet..." "Eat your waffles." "Shut up." "You don't know what you're talking about." "I saw it on the news." "The school is gonna make us all get shots again." "so we don't get warts in our vaginas." "Are you serious?" "stupid." "Then why are they saying it's gonna make us all retarded?" "Some people think vaccinations can give you autism or Asperger's." "273)}– What?" "– That's what they're talking about." "There's a disease called Asperger's?" "You are so lying." "There's no fucking Asperger's." "You wanna bet?" "Let's go ask my dad right now." "Jew. and boys will head on out to recess." "Do the girls get their shots right in the vagina?" "That's not how it works." "These three boys were caught playing hookey." "Did you know there's actually a disease called Asperger's?" "boys." "We'll talk about this later." "we're talking about vaginal warts." "How can the school make us get vaccinated?" "it's a butt fungus." "I don't want burgers coming out of my butt." "shut up!" "Everyone just shut the fuck up!" "You got to try and pull yourself out of this." "I know that your parents recently got divorced." "That's got to be hard." "I know that's bad. that's called being a Debbie Downer." "And nobody likes a Debbie Downer." "Debbie." "Deb." "You're even bumming me out now." "Your attitude just sucks." "I just want everything to go back to the way it was." "Debbie." "life has to change." "How? just make you sick." "How do you go on when nothing makes you happy?" "Excuse me a minute." "Did we vaccinate Stan Marsh for the flu last year?" "We did?" "I think he's got Asperger's." "fuck you." "The first documented case of a child developing Asperger's syndrome from school vaccinations has put the government in a tight spot." "Steamy Ray Vaughn. turns your child into a mentally incapacitated freak." "Look at him." "self-loathing." "It's most likely the reason his mother and I got divorced. putting an end to mandated school vaccinations." "The bill is ready." "Mr. President." "And if you could sign this one as well?" "It is yet unknown if any other children multimillion dollar lawsuits are probably not far behind." "What is it this time?" "lightheadedness." "I don't know what's wrong with me." "You don't feel warm." "but..." "My buns." "A sharp pain in my buns!" "273)}– Can you lay on your stomach?" "– I'll try." "What the?" "What is this?" "A hamburger?" "A what?" "Why are there hamburgers in your underwear?" "Are you serious?" "How could there be... my God!" "You're saying I have ass burgers?" "This doesn't make sense." "Are you trying to sneak food?" "What are you talking about?" "I got vaccinated." "I have ass burgers." "– Very funny." "I'm glad you think it's funny." "273)}– Note my condition on your record." "– Get out of my office." "Have you heard from Stan?" "I tried." "I've called him." "I've been to his house." "all he's done is gotten worse." "I don't know what to do." "It's like he's completely turned off." "Those two should just screw and it over with." "I can't keep doing it. it's like being around a black hole that sucks the life out of everything." "We should all go over to his house." "we could..." "– I can't." "All his negativity is starting to make me depressed." "I have to let him go." "I'm going to embrace with a totally positive attitude." "God damn stupid school nurse." "Heartless bitch." "What's the matter?" "I spent all morning making hamburgers for nothing." "You made hamburgers?" "That's awesome!" "I'd love one." "273)}– This is really good." "– Really?" "try this hamburger." "Cartman made them himself." "What is that?" "you could make money with these." "We still know very little about Asperger's syndrome." "All our patients here show the same social awkwardness that your son exhibits." "doctor." "It's as if they can't distinguish what is socially acceptable and what is not." "Martin." "I want you to meet Stan." "Nice to meet you." "our focus is on awareness. people think it's a disease to be made fun of." "everyone." "Let's have a seat." "We'll be done at about 5 pm." "I'll call if it's any earlier." "All right." "Stan." "I love you." "273)}– Are we clear?" "– We're clear." "Watch that window." "Make sure this room isn't bugged." "We don't have a lot of time." "You've been told Asperger's is real." "It isn't." "It's just a front that we use to stay hidden." "273)}– It's not a real illness?" "– Of course not." "you wouldn't call it Asperger's." "That's just mean." "There's a big war going on out there." "We want you to join our fight to bring it all down." "We're not doing this." "You've broken through their reality." "They don't like it." "don't you? right?" "So do we." "All of us here." "We know the truth too." "We found a way to make it stop." "are you interested or not?" "please." "Get your Cartman Burgers here." "I just can't believe how yummy these are." "and a bag of chips." "fatass." "Nice." "We're out of finished burgers again." "We need more." "Another batch is just finishing up in our top secret flavor enhancer." "Come on." "Don't you think we should get to see what the secret flavor enhancer is?" "our patented flavor will be everywhere." "And we'll have to go back to school." "Let me get those hamburgers." "These are good to go." "Is he ready to be sent in?" "He's ready." "Beta levels are normal." "273)}– Who are you people?" "– We're the secret society of cynics." "right? that you're seeing the world the way it actually is? but aliens are putting out a brain wave to keep people seeing a false reality." "whatever." "The point is they keep everyone in a blissful state of ignorance. and nobody knows except us." "Because of aliens?" "Or genetically altered humans." "Whatever." "Fuck you." "All that matters is that you are the key to bringing this whole thing down." "but they won't be expecting you." "Are you ready to go back into the illusionary world?" "273)}– I'm ready." "– Let's send him in." "Drink this." "Cool!" "you got a date with Al Pacino?" "I think Al Pacino wants to play Twister with your sister." "Adam Sandler's funny." "You have a visitor." "I'm sorry." "I've been a shitty friend." "I miss my buddy." "You were right." "Adam Sandler is fucking hysterical." "273)}– Are you all right?" "– I totally get it now." "saying everything was shit." "Really?" "That's great." "for reals." "Because of aliens with AI." "You and me are gonna fuck it all." "273)}– Have you been drinking?" "– You're not listening to me." "then everything can go back to normal." "It's too late for that." "Things just can't go back." "I'm with Cartman Burger now." "Cartman Burger?" "Seriously?" "How shitty is that fucking concept?" "There you go again." "Look what you've become." "273)}– Everything all right here?" "– It's fine." "273)}– We're gonna need some more patties." "– I'll be right there." "remember?" "Things around here have changed." "the only way to keep going is to make a left turn." "Fuck you." "You're a piece of shit." "I love you." "You're a piece of shit though." "Fuck you." "I love you." "Big Hairy and Mike in the morning." "we're breaking it down." "we... right into the..." "How about we..." "He's back." "273)}– Did you see the illusionary world?" "– How was it to be back in the Matrix?" "I feel like total shit." "That's just your brain levels adjusting back to the real world." "Try and focus." "We found them." "We know where the rock creatures are." "The rock creatures?" "Or aliens or AI things." "Whatever." "Fuck you." "I can't... 273)}– I can't do any..." "– He's gonna pop." "Wake up." "There's not a lot of time left." "You're pushing him too hard." "God." "You have to convince people they're in a world of illusion." "We are sending you back in." "We all know why we are here." "and it must be squashed out." "We have to put an end to Cartman Burgers." "273)}– Yes!" "– What are we going to do?" "we've seen a 50% drop in sales." "It's worse at Pizza Hut." "They choked out the market." "What makes them so good?" "These burgers satisfy the cravings for all of our restaurants." "There lies the secret." "It's the chemical compound of all of our flavors." "all somehow infused into one burger. then somehow infusing that gas into his hamburger." "What kind of instrument could he be using to do this?" "It would have to be some kind of super Dutch oven." "A Dutch oven with greater technology than we've ever seen." "wake up." "Use the smelling salts." "Enchirito?" "273)}– You know the secret?" "– What?" "You guys are aliens?" "Stop playing with us." "What's the secret to Cartman Burger's amazing taste?" "273)}– I don't know." "– He's lying." "You see this kid in the picture?" "This guy is his best friend." "We're not friends." "They've been through everything together." "We don't hang out anymore." "Right." "Like someone would just walk away from a friendship like that." "I didn't walk away." "so I... because they weren't feeling good." "Stop playing games and tell us why Cartman Burgers are so delicious." "I don't know!" "I guess we're gonna have to do this the hard way." "There's ten mediums and five medium rares." "I'll take these to the flavor enhancer." "please." "You got to tell me the secret to Cartman Burger." "What are you doing?" "273)}– How do you make them so yummy?" "– I don't know." "or you're getting shot in the head." "273)}– You got that?" "– Just tell me the secret." "So that we lose our business and everything go back to old times?" "Because there's aliens with a sniper chicken on me." "God. but your negativity is poison to me." "Right." "Like a friend would walk out because of a serious illness." "I'm sorry I've been bumming you out." "But it's not my fault." "You said "fuck you" to my face." "I didn't realize what I was saying." "Like any friend would say something that severe then try to take it back." "I honestly don't know the secret." "and that's how it's gonna work for us." "this is getting us nowhere." "that's fine." "Let's see this mighty machine once and for all." "You vampire sons of bitches!" "nice work." "Now comes the final step." "You have to take out Duck President." "Just stop it." "You people are so full of shit." "Looks like the serum is wearing off." "You better take some more." "I'm done with that." "You have to take down the bad guys and go through a transformation so that everything can go back to the way it was." "I don't want everything to go back to the way it was!" "I don't." "You were right." "the only way to go forward is to take a big left turn." "but I'm ready now." "I want you to stay with Cartman Burger." "and I'm gonna do my thing." "My mom and dad aren't getting back together." "But you know what?" "It's OK." "it's better." "Change is gonna bring new things for all of us." "Where will Cartman go from here?" "That will be cool to see. exploring new relationships with all new people in town." "Maybe this kid will become my new best friend." "Or maybe this kid will." "but at least it will all be new." "And that's what's gonna make it so that I can keep going." "I'm really excited." "Get in the car." "Your mom and I are moving back in." "pal." "Surprise!" "please." "and we know it's what's best for you kids..." "I don't know." "you gotta..." "left turn." "People get older." "you realize the best thing to do is just stick with what you know." "You were sticking these in your ass?" "That's good." "I like that." "Big Hairy and Mike in the morning talking about Two and a Half Men." "I think Ashton Kutcher makes it the show to be seen." "What about that movie Dolphin Tale?" "I'm psyched for that." "Dolphin Tale." "Big Hairy and Mike in the morning." "and their song..." "We're gonna go see the new Zookeeper movie." "Zookeeper 2:" "Zookeepier." "coming."