"[Instrumental]" "Oh, Rerun's not smart." "What's Happening?" "I'll tell you what's happening." "Hilarity." "Yeah, no kidding. "Hey, hey, hey!"" "That's just funny, man!" "Hey, hey, can you guys keep it down a bit, please?" "." "Hyde, there's lipstick on your chin." "Hyde, whyyou putting lipstick on your chin?" "." "It's foryour lips." "Hey, maybe he's got a girl back there." "So, Hyde, who's the lucky lady?" "." "I never kiss and tell." "It's Kat Peterson." "Yeah, right." "You're in your bedroom with the most popular girl in school." "Yeah, what happened to Farrah Fawcett?" "." "Did her car break down?" "." "Look,just keep it down, all right?" "." "You're killing the mood." "Hyde, there's no mood because there's no one back there." "Hey, Michael." "Okay, so we're all set for our big dinner party!" "Oh, yea." "The big dinner party." "So here." ""You and a guest are cordially invited for an evening... of cocktails, dinner and TV."" "The attire is semiformal casual." "Ah, fiinallyl can wearmytuxedo T-shirt." "Uh, sorry, Fez." "I forgot to invite you and Hyde." "But it's never too late." "Okay, bye!" "Don't worry, Fez." "I'm sure you and Hyde can come." "No, Michael, they can't." "Okay, I get it." "They can't come." "Come with me." " [Jackie ] No!" " [ Groans ]" "Okay, I'll giveyou a hundred bucks ifyou don't make me go to this party." " Show me the hundred." " Damn!" "Well, the party's tomorrow night... so I better go home and start putting on cologne now." "So, that was fun." "Nah, Disneyland's fun." "That was nasty." "Oh, my God, Hyde." "Kat Peterson." "Nice." "Yep, she's slumming' it." "I'm lovin' it." "Hangin'out" "Downthestreet" "Thesameoldthing" "Wedidlastweek" "Nota thingto do" "Buttalktoyou" "We'reallallright" "We'reallallright" "Hello, Wisconsin!" "Red, honey, would you go to Bob and Midge's and get my casserole dish?" "." "I'm making Tuna Surprise tonight." "Well, now that I know, you've ruined the surprise." "[ Laughing ]" "It's for Scrabble night." "Bob and Midge loveTuna Surprise." "Yeah, but I don't love Bob and Midge." "I have to invite them over." "They keep inviting us." "That's because you keep inviting them." "Somebody's gotta break the chain or it'll go on forever." "Red, they're the only friends we have sinceyou made Phyllis cry." "I didn't say anything about Phyllis's weight... that the whole room didn't already know." "Donna, I'm gonna have dinner parties all the time... when I'm Mrs. Michael Kelso, Esquire." "Just think about it." " Do I have to?" "." "Oh, shh." "Sotheysprinkledmoondust in your hair" "Andgoldenstarlight in your eyes ofblue" " They're brown." " I know!" "Oh, Kelso, you little so-and-so." "I'd nary a notion ofyour songbird ways... having thoughtyou merely a captain ofindustry... and a king among men." "Myword." "Ceaseyour fawning and let us discuss the fox hunt." "But first, I crave a French pastry." "Where's the help?" "." "Apologies, good sire." "I was in the stables brushing the horses... secretly entertaining notions of a sensual tryst... with the lady." "[ Hearty Laughing ]" "Top drawer!" "Top... drawer." "Ah!" "Top drawer." "Hello." "Oh." "Oh, hey, Bob." "Oh, hi, Red." "[" Chopsticks"]" "[DiscordantNotes]" "[" Chopsticks"Continues]" "Stop it!" "  [Soft Rock]" " You know what might make this party a little more fun?" "." " Sweet death." " [Knocking]" "Hyde?" "." "Fez?" "." "Michael!" "Oh, good." "It's Hyde, Fez and Michael." " Hello, fellas." "What's to eat?" "." " Ahh." "Are these melon balls for anyone?" "." "Why are they here?" "." "I invited them because you're always discussing manners... and I wanted to be mannerly." " He's mannerly." " Hey, Chuck." "Oh, no." "Chuck's here." "Why, Michael?" "." "Whywould you invite all these people?" "." "Whywould you do this?" "." "Well, I was thinking that if a party of 1 0 people was fun..." " that a party of30 people would be twice as much fun." "  [Rock]" "Michael, I didn't want twice as much fun." "I wanted a small, classy party." "Just 'cause there's a couple more people doesn't mean it can't still be classy." "Hey, everybody!" "I'm takin' off my pants!" "No hair?" "." "None." "Well, a little." "Well, what are we talking about here, Red?" "." "Is it like Ed Asner bald or Charlie Brown bald?" "." "Geez, Kitty, I don't know." "I barely looked." "Okay, I need a visual aid." "It was so uncomfortable." "I mean, a toupee is a pretty big lie." "Okay." "Here." "Show me on WoolyWilly." "[ Clears Throat ]" " Okay?" "." " Uh-huh." "Okay." "Uh-huh." "Really?" "." "[Rock]" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Would it kill you to use a coaster?" "." "Bunch ofwild hooligans here." "Oh, sorry, Red." "Well, you know... it was gonna leave a ring." "That's so true, Kitty." "Eric, look, this is notyour house." "You're not gonna get in trouble for any ofthis, so loosen up." "Yeah, I guess I could do that." "Oh, my God." "It's like I'm seeing colors I've never seen before." "Let's get something from the bar." "You guys want" "Hey, Kat." "Want a beer?" "." "No... thanks." "[ Laughing ]" "She just blew me off, man." "Do you believe that?" "." "Yes, I do." "I really, really do." "Michael, are they drinking out of my parents' crystal?" "." "Yeah,Jackie." "Theywere trying to drink straight from the bottle, and I said, "No, no!" "Use the crystal, 'cause it's classy."" "Michael, I'm gonna go upstairs and feel sorry for myself... and you--you are gonna fix this." "Fi" " Fix it?" "." "Jackie, you're having the party oftheyear here." "[ Groaning ]" "Damn!" "I do not get women!" "Yes, neither does Hyde." "Right, Hyde?" "." "[Knocking]" "You okay?" "." "Donna, please, I really don't wanna talk about Michael." "Okay, so what is your honest opinion about Michael?" "." "Um, by honest, you mean" "Donna!" "Please learn to listen." " Okay." "Okay, fine." "Honestly?" "." " Mm-hmm." "You have certain expectations of Kelso that may not be entirely realistic." "You want him to be sophisticated and smart... but actually he's unsophisticated and unsmart." "[ Gasps ]" "Hey, you know, you guys are really bringing down the make-out room." "Well, I'm gonna have to pass." "I've got nothing." "Would you look at her, Fez?" "." "Acting like she's all hot stuff." "So she's incredibly good-looking, and everyone likes her." "I'm real impressed." "Yeah, I know how it is." "You thinkyou know somebody... but then it turns out he lied about making out with Kat Peterson." "Hyde, Fez." "What, is this a funeral?" "." "Come on!" "Why aren'tyou guys gettin' down?" "." "I'm afraid Hyde is way too lovesick to get down." "Lovesick?" "." "I don't love her, man." "I just thinkwe should be having sex is all 'cause she'd enjoy it." "Hyde, I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV." "But seriously, Hyde... this is a party, so loosen up, like me." "Oopsy-daisy." "Man, I wish Jackie would loosen up." "She's throwing a great party down here, and she's missing it." "Kelso, you don't get it, huh?" "." "This party meant the world toJackie... and you crapped on it." " All right." "Ease up on Kelso, huh?" "." " Thanks, Hyde." "I mean, soyou did something horrible... but it's Jackie, so who cares?" "." "No, wait." "What areyou saying?" "." "I'm saying you burned her, man, royally." "Nice job." "But, no, man, I didn't want to burn her." "I invited all these people to make it fun, so her partywould be good." "She didn't want a good party." "She wanted her party." "You know what?" "." "You're right, Fez." "All right, this party's over." "Everybody out!" "No, Kelso." "What are you saying, man?" "." "Think!" "You know what, guys?" "." "For the first time in my life, I think I am thinking." "You know, I'm in danger of ruining the greatest thing that has ever happened to me... and I am not gonna let that happen." " Kelso" " Do not interrupt me." "This is important!" "From now on, I'm gonna putJackie's needs first... and she is gonna be so proud of me." "Whoa!" "Do" "Whoa, man!" "This is a rager!" "Give meyour brandies." "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Give me" " Whoa!" "God, how dareyou say that about me and Michael?" "." "You wanted my honest opinion." "Your honest opinion that we're great together." "Look, you are wrong about Michael." "He knows he made a mistake, and he's gonna make it up to me." "You wait and see." "Uh,Jackie?" "." "Where's the fire extinguisher?" "." "S-I-T." "That's sit." "Oh, my." "Yes, it is again." "Yeah, Midge has got quite a lead." " Your turn, Red." " Okay." "Fine." "[ Sniffs ]" ""Cueball."" "[ Clears Throat ] I" " I'm sorry, Bob." "Sorry?" "." "Why apologize to me?" "." "I like billiards." "Billiards are fun." " Okay, soyou all know." " I don't know anything." "I wear a toupee!" "Bob, ifyou tell them, they'll know!" "I wear a rug." "So what?" "." "You know..." "I wish I had a toupee." "You know, because the way my hair is sometimes." "Look, Bob, being bald isn't something that a man has to hide from." "A toupee is just silly." "I keep telling him ifhe'd grow as much hair on his head as he does on his back... he'd have a full head ofhair." "I know it's silly." "I guess I'm vain." "Every morning I wake upwishing I had the courage towalk around looking likeyou." "But I don't, Red." "I don't." "I guess that makes me a bad person." " Look, Bob, I didn't mean" " No." "You know what?" "." "You're right, Red." "You're right." "Maybe it's time I stopped living the lie." "[ Stifled Snorting ]" "Sinuses." "[ Snorting ]" "[ Loud Laughing ]" "All right, all right." "I was wrong, Bob." "You need the toupee." "Put it back on." "Hey,hey,Donna" "Iwannasingtoyou" "Hey,hey,hey,Donna" "Nooneelsewillever do" "I'vewaitedso long" "[ Voice Breaking ] Forschoolto be through" "Donna" "Donna,I loveyou" "[ Falsetto ] Hey,hey,Donna" "Eric, get down offthere right now." " What's the problem, Donna?" "." " Yeah, what's the problem?" "." "Timmy, go getyour pants on, or I'll beat the crap out ofyou!" "Eric, rememberwhen I told you to loosen up?" "." "Oh, yeah, baby." "Well, tighten up, baby." "When the house is on fire, the party's over." "Hey, this was your idea." "Eric, I told you to loosen up, not act like a dink." "Well, I'm new at this, so sue me." "[ Falsetto ] Sue-oo-oome" "  Sue me, Donna" " Eric!" "Hello, Steven." "Oh, I see how this is gonna be." "So, when you're with your little clique, you're too good for me." "Right." "But they're gone now, so... hi." "You know, for a rich girl, you're kinda skanky." "Come on." "Let me showyou the garage." "[DoorCloses ]" "That proves nothing!" "Son of a bitch." "No, listen,Jackie." "Wait." "I oweyou an apology." "I" " Uh" " I just wanted to help tonight, and I guess I blew it." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, latelyyou've been sorry a lot, Michael." "Yeah, but this time I mean it." "Actually, he does." "He felt very bad and said tenderwords aboutyou... and then he setyour house on fire." "See, he loves you, but he's just-- he's just stupid." "Thankyou, Fez." "Sure." "Jackie, I do loveyou, and I'll do whatever it takes to makeyou happywith me." "Yeah, well, I'm beginning to think thatyou're never gonna make me happy." "What areyou saying?" "." "I'm saying I have a lot ofthinking to do." "[ Chuckling ] Whew." "Dodged a bullet there, huh, Fez?" "." "[DramaticNotes]" "Nothing good came out ofthis night." "Although I did find out brandy's flammable." "Yeah, that's worth knowing." "Oh, and gasoline, for future reference." "I just don't get chicks, man." "God, Donna, men are stupid." "How can they not know what we want?" "." "Theywantyou to give them what theywant." "They know what we want." "Theywon't give it to us." "You can't know 'cause theywon't tell you." "[ Both ] You know?" "." "It's so simple." "Yeah, it's confusing, huh?" "." "Oh, my God." "The most horrifying moment?" "." "Eric sang to me." "Hey, I sang to Donna." "Yeah, she kinda melted." "I mean, she called me a dink... but I don't think she meant it." "Eric was such a dink tonight, and I mean it." "[Jackie And Kelso] Totally." "I told you!" "Get out, crasher!" "I can't find my pants!" "My mom's gonna kill me!" "Maybeyou should have thought ofthat beforeyou took 'em off!" "." "Now get out!" "So I hearyou and Kelso are kinda on the rocks." "What doyou saywe go and" "Ow!"