"NARRATOR"." "Mount Ararat Hospital in Gotham City where King Tut's psychoanalysis goes on and on." "The old adage about the apple not falling far from the tree just ain't necessarily so." "How?" "Dr. Demon." "Dr. Demon'?" "Spunky?" "Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop" "When the wind..." "Dirty asp in the grass." "He locked it." "So I said to Daddy, "But I'm too young to get married, Pa." "I'm only 12 years old."" "You know, I always had a feeling you never really listened to me." "Con" " Continue." "NARRATOR"." "Meanwhile, at the offices of the Rosetta Stone Company..." "Why me?" "Why me?" "Why not you?" " That's logical." "I'm nothing if not logical." "Take only $47,000, Tutlings." "But there's 76,000, poopsie." "No need to be a pig about these things." "We have the money, almighty king of rogues." "Master of Thebes." "Ruler of darkness." "Defender of Egypt." "Don Juan of Aswân." " King of the Nile." "Wait a minute." "Take it back one." " Don Juan of Aswan?" "Yeah, I like that." "Leave it in." "Ha, ha." "Yes?" "Oh, hello, Dr. Denton." "What?" "King Tut?" "Yes." "Yes, of course." "I'll contact him at once." "What a shame." "At last report, our able Yale professor was well on his way to recovery." "Another six or seven months of intensive analysis and he might have been completely cured." "Ah, yes, but as John Greenleaf Whittier said:" ""For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been."'" ""Maud Muller," stanza 53." "Very good, Robin." "I didn't know you were a student of the classics." "Batman teaches me a little poetry in between remanding criminals to jail." "Enough prose and cons, Robin." "Now, where can we find Rosetta Stone?" "Resting comfortably at home:" "328 Kangaroo Court." "I trust a visit from us wouldn't be too upsetting." "She's expecting you, Batman." "Ah, good." "Let's go, Robin." "Hi-ho." "So you made up your mind, Daddy." "You'd really like to move to the suburbs." "Heh." "It might be a pleasant change from my old brownstone." "If I only had time to find a place." "Oh, my." "Well, if I get a chance today, I'll check with a real estate broker or two for you, okay?" "Thank you, darling." " Bye, Daddy." "Bye, Chief O'Hara." "Bye-bye." "NARRATOR"." "Shortly, at Florence of Arabia's, an intime boîte in the middle east side of Gotham City..." "Ah, turkey legs." "My favorite fruit." "Florence, a little more pressed grape, if you please." "Oh, I'm sorry, poopsie." "I guess I got a little carried away." "No matter, Flo." "Your assets far outnumber your liabilities." "Oh, that this too, too solid flesh would melt." " Why don't you go on a diet, fatty?" ""Why don't you go on a diet?"" "Why don't you mind your own skinny business?" "Now, being Egyptian naturally, I have a nose for Nilanium." "Nilanium, the hardest metal in the world." "It was once found only in the Nile Basin." "But when that was flooded by the Aswân Dam, this precious deposit was lost forever." "So forever is something you can't do much about, huh, poopsie?" "Wrong again, Florence." "My nose for Nilanium tells me that there is another invaluable deposit right here in Gotham City." "Right where in Gotham City?" "Unfortunately, said reserves rest directly under stately Wayne Manor." "Wayne Manor?" "Ancestral home of millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson." "But you can't buy that for 47,000." "But I can and will buy some land directly adjacent to the estate for that exact sum." "And once that's done, we'll start drilling for my Nilanium and make a fortune." " How?" "By making the hardest objects in the world out of the hardest metal." "Indestructible machines, indestructible buildings." "I'll build an indestructible empire that no one will be able to destruct!" "But isn't that Nilanium really the property of millionaire Bruce Wayne?" "Yeah, it would have to be under his property." "Money goes to money." "But not this money." "We're going to engage in a bit of slant mining." "Where to, almighty monarch?" "To the office of Manny the Mesopotamian an unscrupulous real estate broker of my acquaintance and by merest circumstance the man who has the listing on the property next to Wayne Manor." "Forty-seven thousand dollars, sir?" "But isn't that rather an odd sum for King Tut to take?" "Yes, it is, Alfred." "Rosetta Stone told us that Tut didn't wanna be a pig about it." "Bacon." "Pig." "It's against Egyptian dietary laws to eat pig." "Ergo, I think it was a ruse on his part to obscure the truth." "Well, what is the truth, Batman?" "Perhaps he intends buying something that costs exactly $47,000." "Let's see what the Batcomputer has to offer." " It seems a little uncertain, Batman." "Certainly does." "No wonder. "Northeast section of millionaire Bruce Wayne's property."" "The Batcomputer said that?" "But that's only partly right, Alfred." "I have put a 200-foot lot up for sale on the edge of stately Wayne Manor estate to help alleviate the property shortage." " Jolly decent of you, sir." " Yeah." "But I gave the real estate broker specific instructions to ask for a firm $48,000, not $47,000." "This machine needs oiling." "How much do you have to spend, Ms. Gordon?" "Well, actually, it isn't me, it's my father, Mr., uh..." "Just call me Manny." "Everybody does." "That's my name, Manny." "Well, my father is tired of city congestion and thought he might make a good deal here." "Well, frankly, Ms. Gordon, if I were your father, I'd just forget about this area entirely." "Why, this afternoon, I have a deal where I'm selling a lot without a house for $47,000." " Is that the one? "Lot, $48,000 firm"?" "Yes." " I'm cutting my commission to make the deal." "Is that legal?" "Well, legal, yes, ethical, no, but nobody ever accused me of being ethical." "Well, thank you very much." "I'll call my father." "Good day, Ms. Gordon." "Salaam yourself, Manny." "No time for pleasantries." " You have the contract?" "I have the contract." " You have the money?" "Give him the money." "Thank you very much." "Just sign right there." "That's it." "Right there." "That's right." " What?" "No middle initial?" "I never use it." "Heh." "That's what I like about you fellas." "No haggling." "Hello, Mr. Wayne?" "This is Batgirl." "Why, hello, Batgirl." "To what do I owe this unexpected honor?" "I've discovered that King Tut has purchased a plot of land adjacent to your property, Mr. Wayne." "King Tut?" "Well, that should make a very interesting neighborhood probably drive the real estate values straight down." "I'm sure he has some diabolical scheme in mind." "I thought you should be made aware of it." "I'm going to try and contact Batman now." "I may be talking to him shortly myself, Batgirl." "Perhaps I can give him a message for you." "Yes." "Tell him I'll be in Commissioner Gordon's office in half an hour." "Perhaps we should meet and plan a joint attack." "Right." "Thanks for the information." "Of what possible use could that land be to a man like Tut?" "Maybe he wants to just settle down and build a house." "No, I think not, Robin." "Tut doesn't impress me as the be-it-ever-so-humble- there-is-no-place-like-home type of individual." "What is it, Batman?" "A potpourri of news, Robin, both good and bad." "What's the good news?" "Stately Wayne Manor is sitting on a priceless reserve of Nilanium." "Holy hardest metal in the world." "But what's the bad news?" "The special seismological attachment to the Batcomputer has divined that King Tut has started mining Nilanium and his mining operations are aimed" "Is it possible?" " His mining operations are aimed" "Into what, Batman?" "Directly into the Batcave." "It's no use, Robin." "His shaft is more than halfway here and should be entering the Batcave shortly." "Isn't there anything we can do to divert them so they'd miss the Batcave?" "The Batanium Shield lining the Batcave might protect us from his blasting, but I doubt it." "No, we'll have to go topside and nab him before he strikes pay dirt." "Nab him where?" "I suspect he may be operating from an abandoned mine on that property he bought." "Aren't we gonna take the Batmobile?" "It's too risky." "There's so many people in the area, they might spot us as we drive out the secret entrance." "No, we'll use the subterranean blue grotto exit after I make this call." "Yes, Batman?" "Right." "As we hoped, it's for you, Batgirl." "Yes, Batman?" "There's a deserted mine entrance one mile north-northeast of stately Wayne Manor." " Could you meet us there?" "Anything wrong?" " Everything's wrong." " I'll be there as soon as possible." "What now, Batman?" "According to my Bat-compass north by northeast is in a general north-northeasterly direction." "Shouldn't take us more than three minutes to run the mile." "Gosh, Batman, that's a new world's record." "Breaking world's records is just part of crime-fighting, Robin." "Now." "NARRATOR"." "But will they be too late?" "For at this very moment outside the abandoned cave from which Tut is operating..." "How much longer do you think it'll take, royal geologist?" "Well" "How come he gets to be royal haggler and royal tailor and royal geologist too?" "We're working on a close budget, royal boobula." "When we strike Nilanium I'll have enough scratch to hire a complete royal entourage." "We should be there right about now." "Oh." "Here comes H.L. Hunter, the royal mining foreman." "What ho, H.L.?" "Strike anything?" "You know, we done struck something, but it weren't no Nilanium." " I think we done struck trouble." "Why?" "Well, it seems that there's a big cave directly beneath Wayne Manor." "It's lined with some hard substance, so we can't blast through it." "Perhaps we've struck a vein of Nilanium." "But it shouldn't be that hard till it's refined." " Do you have any more dynamite?" "Sure, but we got no one to blast it." "None of my men wanna take the chance." "It's sort of dangerous." "I'll do it." "Danger is my middle name." "Show me the way." "You aren't going anywhere, Tut." "Ah, look who's here, the Dynamic Dullards." "Plus one." "Oh, and the Dynamic Duenna." "Instruct your royal yeggs to come quietly, or you'll incur our wrath." "Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin." "Come on, boys." "We've got too much to lose." "I didn't know we're doing anything illegal." "Mining into and under other people's property is not illegal?" " Not when you're slant drilling for oil." " Which you were not." "It's obvious that you're an innocent miner." "All right, you may go." "Whoa, whoa." " But this will take us to the bottom of the shaft." "That's better than facing the Tawdry Trio." "Mush!" " They must have gone down." "Holy journey to center of the Earth." " They won't stop until they" "Bottom." "Until they reach the bottom." "But where is the bottom?" "Batgirl, you stand guard in case they come back up." "This time, we're gonna have to make the two-minute mark in the mile, Robin." "Let's go." "Oh!" "Oh, do my old eyes deceive me?" "Oh, happiness unbounded." "Oh, great blobs of joy." "Eureka!" "I have found it." "The Batcave." "Right under Wayne Manor." "Oh, dream of ha" "Right under Wayne Manor?" "That means that they're" " Carry the three" "That means Robin and Batman are really Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson." "Oh, the world is my oyster." "And everyone will be bringing me sauce." "A little winded, old chum?" "It takes more than a two-minute mile to make me winded, Batman." "Oh!" "Ah!" "Yeesh!" "Oh, how time flies when you're having fun." "Ha-ha-ha!" " What will we do about that?" " Yeah." "Yeah." "It's always darkest before the dawn, Robin." "I know, I know, and a rolling stone gathers no moss." "And we shouldn't cry over spilt milk." "Or waste time with old clichés." " Where is everybody, Batgirl?" " I'm here." "Well, he means Batman, Robin and King Tut." "Oh, they've all gone on a journey to the center of the Earth or something." "The center of what?" "Oh, Florence, the fruits of victory are sweet indeed." "Maybe, Tut, but you'll still choke on them." "From the mouths of babes ofttimes comes pap." " Are you ready to give yourselves up?" "Not to you, Bat-dope or your 97-pound weakling bird boy." "And where's your feminine friend?" "Don't want her to know you're really Bruce Wayne, do you?" "Well, soon the world will know." "You'll have to kill us to keep our mouths shut." "Tutlings, follow me." "I'll give them Batnesia Gas, Robin." "Tell Alfred take them topside and deposit them on the lawn." "They won't remember a thing." "Roger." "What about me, Batman?" "You'll have to kill me to keep me quiet." "No, I won't." "King Tut ran up the shaft." "He moves quickly for an overstuffed and unlikely Egyptian pharaoh." "We must catch him before he reaches the end of the shaft." "Ah, drat, we're out of Batnesia Gas." "Now we really must catch Tut before he reaches the end of the shaft." "Are you ready to be incarcerated, King Tut?" "With the greatest pleasure." "You could jail me for a million years and I wouldn't flinch an inch." "Oh, at last, nirvana is within my grasp." "You appear to be breezy for a man about to be tucked away." "I know." "And so would you if you knew what I know." "And if I know you, no doubt you know what I know now, no, huh?" "Why waste time with someone who knows?" "Gotta find someone who doesn't." "You know?" " No." "Sounds like the riddle of the sphinx." "Nothing so simple as that, dear lady." "I hold the key to the riddle of the ages." "You're too late, Dynamic Dimwits." "Holy waste of energy." " What has he told you?" "Nothing." "He's been running off at the mouth about some secret or riddle." "The beans, so to speak, are about to be spilled." "Batman and Robin, prepare to meet the end of your usefulness." "Lady and gentlemen, Batman and Robin are" "It's only gonna prolong the agony, Batman." "Not necessarily, Robin." "That blow on his head could be exactly what saves us." "I certainly hope so." "Where am I?" "You were about to tell us a secret, King Tut." "King Tut?" "My name is William Omaha McElroy and I'm professor of Egyptology at Yale University." "You don't remember what you were going to tell us?" "Why do you have a purple mask on, lady?" "I'm going to be late for class." " Uh, just a moment, professor." "You can't walk off like this." "Harvard people, nice speaking to you." "Holy razor's edge." "Was that a close shave." "A calculated risk, Robin." "The shale held up by those sagging timbers has been shifting for decades." "All we had to do was taunt Tut with our silence." "This caused him to raise his voice three decibels above high C which caused the cave-in, which, of course, returned him to normalcy." "But how could you be so sure?" "I really couldn't, Robin." "Earth movement is an inexact science at best." "Matter of fact, yodels have been known to cause avalanches in the Alps." "A mere sneeze was the cause of the 1923 Appalachian cave-in." "But suppose something went wrong." "Suppose Tut didn't raise his voice." "What then?" "I prefer not to think about those things, Robin." "They depress me." "Thank you, sir, for calling." "That was the president of Yale University, Chief O'Hara." "Our eminent professor of Egyptology has completely returned to normal." "Mm." "Let's hope his ego has returned to the altar in ancient Egypt." "Daddy, have you heard the latest rumors?" "All of Gotham City is buzzing about an imminent invasion of flying saucers." "Well, now Gotham City is usually buzzing about something, Barbara." " Well, let's take a look anyway, commissioner." "All right." "Let me have those." "Well, now, let's see." "Uh-huh." "All I can see is sky, clouds and a few birds." " Let's see what you can find, chief." " Hmm." "Well, there's a blimp trailing some joker's used-car advertisements." "NARRATOR"." "Look again." "In this flying saucer the Joker is planning an incredible invasion of Gotham City." "As soon as the range-sweep radar scanner picks up the tracking pulse amplifier we will spin back into the substratosphere, where I will issue my demands that will have not only all of Gotham City but the world at my feet."