"Cleaned, corrected, re-synced, dialogue added etc. by Tronar (still sub-standard, but it was very low quality material to begin with)" " Hello Roy!" "Great bike." " Shut your mouth." "Sit down a bit, my girl." "You look a bit glum." "Maybe you and I should go somewhere a bit nicer to eat breakfast?" "Did my breakfast go up in flames?" "There are no wars in Muriburiland" "No social ladders in Muriburiland" "A lonely troubadour against the yuppie culture" "Antelopes are friends with tigers in Muriburiland" "There are no drugs in Muriburiland" "And all have houses in Muriburiland" "They have traded prophet with solidarity" "Cats are friends with mice in Muriburiland" "It's time for today's second highlight:" "Beetroot soup." "Aren't you going to have some beetroot soup?" "Nah, It's one of the many things in this place that are too red for my taste." " Oh, how cute they are." " Yes, aren't they?" "Thanks for the puppet theater." "It was absolutely brilliant." "Right?" " Thanks." " Asmund is an amazing director." "Before pedagogy, he went five years at puppetry school in Prague." " Wow!" "That's impressive." "That explains it, you know your political views." "They got all screwed up when you went to school in Russia." "For your information, Prague is not in Russia." "But eh... the Czech Republic." "Same shit, different toilet." " Don't start talking politics." "No, I didn't start nothin did you hear what he's teaching the kid?" "This guy's better than a baboon's ass" "I'm not apologizing" "Ronald Reagan didn't get the Berlin wall torn down by apologizing to commies." "OK, I've packed everything." "Here's porridge, smoothies and milk." "Here are diapers and longs and bodysuits." "As it is now, use wool." "But if it gets below -10C, don't bring them outside." "What's all this?" "Aren't you coming with us?" "You haven't forgotten?" "I'm going to a seminar in Oslo." "The are collecting me here." "Wait whoa, whoa if you leave us now, how are you going to bring the baby with you" "I mean eh... things are crazy at the club." "My dear friend." "Your paternity leave starts today." "Pappy what?" "Paternity leave." "I thought that was more like an economic arrangement" "I start working today, remember?" "And you will have the kids until they start in kindergarten" "I don't have time for this now, I can't bring the kids to Oslo." "Ok?" "Eh..." "Bye!" "Mommy will be back soon!" "Fuck me!" "No, what the..." "What the hell is ...?" "Bjørn spewed on them earlier." "Should the kids not be in the kindergarden?" "They need to be a year old first, so boss is quite stressed out." " Do you buy your underwear at the supermarket?" " Anything wrong with that?" "Perhaps not, if it's as far between the lady visits as with you." "Take care of the monkeys, you know, Torgeir." "The cock right on the fabric." "Of course he does." "Yes?" "Want to play?" "You're the small blind." "I fold." "What's he doing in there?" " Yes." "Next please." "I need some Kanadex." "Kanadex." "Yes, that requires a prescription." "Please, I'm going to the toilet every 6 minutes." "My prostate is swollen to the size of a cantaloupe and in this scandinavian climate." "Yes, you have my really deepest eh... empathy." "But in Norway we have very strict rules." "So that people don't abuse medication." "There's a lot of abusers." "Pardon me, but do I look like a piss medication junkie to you?" "Do you think I'm going to OD?" "On prostate pills." "They are not my rules." "It says there on the computer that it needs a prescription for this medicine, if you don't I can't" "I see, I see well let me just check my pockets again." "Here, here," "There's my fucking prescription." "Kanadex." "Scandinavia all over, place is full of mugs." "Mugs, whole place is full of them." "Don't fucking ask." "What the... fucking cocksuckers!" "Fucking cocksuckers." "What the fucking cocksuckers..." "What's going on?" "We got mail!" "Dear sirs, our records show that you owe us a ferrari and a brother." "Please meet us by the waffle stand at noon tomorrow or more things will start exploding." " Did they blow up your bike?" " Electric scooter from the Wheelchair Association." "Fuck." "Should we go into hiding or something?" "It'll be a warm day in Lillehammer when I go on the lam for some scumbag Limey fuck." "Hey, guys!" "It's a crisis here!" "We're out of baby powder!" "Don't just stand there and stare!" "Bjørn's ass is all red!" "Now there's a man who's got his priorities straight." "I am sorry that they are a bit faded." "I was probably still a little angry when I chose them." "Yes, but still." "Flowers." "Thank you, Arve." " Imagine it would come to this, Laila." " The best solution for all parties." "Magnanimous of you to quit without making any noise." "Bullshit." "I'll get to will write what I want, and the publisher wants a sequel." " Oh my God!" " Relax, Arve." "Astmark doesn't have to be in it this time." "Thank you." "Chief!" "We just got a call about an armed robbery!" "At the pharmacy." "The only thing they took was medicine for frequent urination." " Maybe it could be our guy." " You are right." " Do you take the case?" " I don't work in the field." "We don't need any focus on us that we have been been fooled by a fake Scotland Yard agent." "David..." "Today, Lillehammer needs you." " All right, boss." " Good." "He was not exactly tall." "But he was not exactly short either." "But... more like..." "Do you take Omega 3?" "It is good for the memory." " Do you take vitamin D?" " No." "It's good for sallow, yellowish skin." "Yes." "I'll take some vitamin D. I also need some antihistamines as well." "Yes, I can imagine." "Any of you frequent the Olympian Pub?" "No, my God." "It's probably him..." "It must be him... with his gun." "See you've brought some muscle with you." "Yeah, well, we run a trainee program.." "You're funny aren't you mate about as funny as these Norwegian wankers." "Who's wanking who remains to be seen." "Let's say we do a little business." "What have you got?" "As a show of good faith, we'll take some of the responsibility for the car deal going south." "As far as your brother's death, we had nothing to do with it." "A certain car dealer pointed in your direction." "What about you mate?" "Want to confess to some nicking habit." "Do ya?" "eh!" "All due respect for the dead your brother was a cowboy." "It was only a matter of time and I ain't telling you anything you don't already know." "You be a hard on or take the fuck the money." "Yeah well, it's a gift that separates the man from the beast." "Am I right?" "Yeah, alright." "It's a goyim yeah." "We'll visit them tomorrow." " Have you seen this guy?" " No, can't help you there." " Sometimes I don't even remember my own wife." " Lucky for you." " What?" " No, nothing." "Can I get a ginger ale?" "It's a serious medical condition." "It's that Copper from before, look." "Is he following us or what?" "Well, I don't know alright Rosie, go and work your magic on him get him off our backs" "I hope this seat's not taken." "For you I expect most seats are vacant." "Ooh, I like that." "Gin and tonic please." "So what's your business over here?" "I'm actually an officer of the law." "Working undercover I take it." "Actually I'm looking for some countrymen of yours." "You see any?" "The only Brits I've met here are Beefeater and London dry." "Can I ask you a question?" "Is it true what they say?" "That red heads have more fun." "Maybe the expression is about blondes." "Playing hard to get are we." "With you, you have beautiful eyes." "Actually I'm on duty, so." "I eh... just..." "Oi!" "What's this mean?" "That's nut allergy." "Goodnight, Sherlock." "What is going on here?" "Oh, how are you doing?" "Well, we thought the playground could use a little more eh... pizzazz." "So we have a little donation." "Ok." "Yeah, only needs from you's a little consideration... have my kids in school a little sooner." "Do I understand you right?" "Are you trying to manipulate the application queue with a kids jumping castle." "Yeah." "Because if I have to I'll build you a muriburiland theme park." "Muriburiland is not for sale!" "This plastic monstrosity is gone in ten minutes!" "Or else I will call the police." "Homo!" " We want the jumping castle!" "Wait a minute." "Any of you kids speak English?" "How would you feel about being the owners of that bouncy castle?" "I'd say what we do" "I need you to do me a little favour." "Right you know the muriburi puppet show thing?" "I need you to break it up." "Really just ruin it... completely." " Cabish?" " Cabish." "Kids, you just became the kings of your own castle." " Just luck that this went well." " What really happened here?" "Manufacturing defect." "The gas tank blew up." "Yes, but this is electrical." "That's not the point." "The point is that I need a new one." "A lot of things will have to be clarified before that happens." "To work with wheelchairs, you are not particularly helpful." "Nice to see you again." "Can you drop me to the diner at Tretten?" "I'm actually going home to make myself a Grandios..." "Grandis?" "Grandis sounds good." "Yes..." "Come on!" "Remove the spikes." "You'll damage the floor." "This floor can withstand lots, but my back won't." " Hey, Vidar!" " Where's your crapper?" "Up the stairs." "Did you miss me?" " Shit!" "It was exactly this type of stress that the doctor told me to avoid!" "Fuck!" "Asshole!" "The fucking psycho was waiting for us with a machine gun at the toilet!" "If Roy hadn't..." " Who's at the door?" " You just have to lock all doors and..." " Hey!" "Are you English?" " No." "Relax, I'm Norwegian." " Torgeir, who's at the door?" " You're at the door!" "Don't let any English in!" "Nobody who looks English either." "See what you do you point the business end at the bad guy and then just squeeze the trigger just watch" "wait a minute." "Is it smart to let kid have the gun?" "For God's sake, what do you take me for?" "An irresponsible parent?" "Say hello to the security guys." "Eh... top notch people." "Yeah?" "I'll be a judge of that." "This is Tor Erik." "Just back from Afghanistan." "Ex-military." "Lasse." "Ex-cop." "Bounced for beating confessions out of suspects." "And say hello to my little friend." "Odd Johaug." "Done security on several Hells Angels christmas parties and six years on a whaling ship." " Eh...?" "Odd Hog...?" " Odd Johaug." "Yeah, let's just make it our job, ok with you?" "Whatever you say, sir." "Good attitude." "How's it even possible to screw this up?" "He had back up!" "A fucking cripple." "What happened to you Uncle Terry?" "You used to be the meanest fucker in the North Stand" "I still am." "So you have a little bit of respect for your tone." "Oh, you want respect, do ya?" "Well I want some fucking revenge." "Easy, we'll find a way." "Didn't the car dealer say that the guy had a brother." "So?" "So why don't we go after him instead." "A brother for a brother yeah a brother, for a brother." "Come on, Randi!" "A bus driver, a bus driver." "He's a man who's in a good mood" "And if he isn't in a good mood, then he is no bus driver" "A bus driver, a bus driver." "He's a man who's in a good mood" "On these trips, which I hope will become a nice tradition... two things are in focus." "Physical education and integration." "Or "phytegration", as I call it." "In that respect we have a small goodie bag for you." "A "phytegration" pack." " I'm not very fond of snow." " Cheer up!" "You don't want your tight young girl's body drowned in fat and folds." "Jan!" "A bus driver, a bus driver." "He's a man who's in a good mood" "And if he isn't in a good mood..." "Right, they stopped here about an hour ago and now they're gone on some sort of field trip to Jendersien." "And our guy's the driver." " Yeah, right." " What's it called again?" "Gjendesheim." " Gjendesheim." " The destination Gjendesheim does not exist." " Gjendesheim." " The destination Gjendesheim does not exist." "Oh, this is fucking shite." "Destination Fugginshire is at 1240 miles southeast." "Well, while you kids have been playing around on your video machines" "I've found it old school in a bleeding map." "One, two, three!" "Per, the musician, had only one cow" "He traded the cow, got his fiddle back" "You old, good violin..." "Alright." "Hello." "Quite a bunch you got here today" "I can't quite fit you into this picture." "What's your role in all of this?" "I am a refugee." "Oh you poor thing!" "Where you from mate?" "From eh..." "Poland." "Lots of wars in Poland these days, hmm." "We have eh... some... conflicts." "Eh... excuse me I have to just to go somewhere." "Watch this bull's eye, Johnny." "You're a cock-eyed fuck." "There is a stink here that is fucking with my concentration." "Little ladies up to her old tricks, huh?" "Any volunteers?" "Yeah, I'll help you." "What's up, bro?" "Shit!" "Come on!" "Ok, sunshine." "You've reached your final destination." "Check the piece." "You packing?" "Alright." "What do you need from me boss?" "Get back in there and deal with this diaper situation." "Ok, got it boss." "Come on!" "Fuck it." "This is perfect." "Start digging." "Alright?" "Hello Nice dog." "No problem." "Just out for a bit of a walk." "Come on mate, after you." "See ya." "Roar!" "Damnit!" "Roar!" "Don't you fucking run boy." "Get started." "Oh for fuck's sake!" "What kind of drugs are you people on in this country?" "We're going to have to go further." "Come on!" "Fucking hell!" "I'm freezing my bollocks off here." "Fuck sake!" "Roar!" "It's going to get dark soon." "Just do it Terry" "I haven't finished digging and I love England." "Piccadilly Circus." "Fish and Chips." "Hippodrome and Lady Di." "Oh God dah, dah, the nation free." "That's the American melody you cunt!" "Do it, Terry." "Wait" "I'm glad you've called" "I've got something I want you to listen in on mate." "Listen to this." "Torgeir, help me!" "They're going to shoot me!" "Let me talk to my brother you fucking piece of shit." "Or what?" "Or, or I'll fucking." "Here's what we suggest." "You and me at the Gjendesheim you know the cabin." "My guy will switch places with his brother." "So the murdering cunt has decided to confess has he what changed his mind?" "You of all people should understand the brotherly bond." "Yeah... alright... we'll let this big fuck cunt go." " You have a plan, right?" "I'm working on it." "Are you sure this sign says the right track back to the cabin?" "Gjendesheim." "That's the place, right?" "But I thought you said we'd come from that direction." "The book said to always follow the red T's right?" "Fucking cunt." "I've never been so fucking cold." "Who's idea was this?" "Jesus!" "Stop!" "Keep swimming, Limey!" "England's that way." "I fucking hate this fucking country!" " Roar?" "Don't fall asleep!" " I am so damn cold." " Take off your clothes." " I'm..." "I'm freezing to death, Torgeir." " To the hospital or what?" " No." "I learned this in the Boy Scouts." "Have to use the body heat." "Come here!" " Just like that." " I am so cold." "That's wonderful!" "Oh my God that's wonderful!" " Look!" "A red T!" " That ain't a red T. That's my nose." "What's the fucking point, ay?" "Have you ever seen..." "a better starry heaven?" "Will we see Jesus' heaven, Uncle Terry?" "As I walked down on the dockside so fair" "To take the salt water and take the salt air" "I heard an old fisherman singing a song:" "Oh take me away boys, me time is not long" "Wrap me up in the oilskins and jumpers" "No more round the docks I'll be seen" "Just tell me old shipmates I'm taking a trip mates" "Ok, lovebirds!" "Last stop!" "Everybody out!" " Straight to bed you two!" " Yes, sir!" " Separately!" " Yes, sir!" "What a ride!" "What a ride!" "Why are you so damn happy?" "Are you so happy to lie against a naked man?" "I'm not." "I was thinking about the Scouts as I was next to your walrus body." "In the boy scouts we shared sleeping bags all the time." "For seven years I went there without getting a single erection." "Ergo, I'm not gay." "I've only been stressed out in my head about it." "Not a single gram in my body fancies cock." "Stop the cock talk." "I almost died, for fuck sake!" "Let's just sit here and watch TV for two minutes and not talk?" "What the fuck?" " Was it something you wanted?" " We freezing a bit, " "Can you come and warm us up a bit?" "Get the jack out." "It'll warm you up." " It didn't turn out so good this, perhaps?" " No." "But thanks for coming." "Any tips for my next job interview?" "Yes." "One thing:" "Come sober." "Where do you find all these idiots?" "It's not easy for me, I do everything here." "It's completely hopeless since David became sick." "Look at these guns we got from Oslo." "How am I supposed to know what's what?" "We need someone with a little more..." "What do they call it?" "Street cred?" "The English tourists who were found at the popular tourist cabin Gjendesheim, have now been confirmed dead." "Regional Manager at Red Cross, Steinar Olden, what's your response to disaster?" "Knock, knock!" "What can I help you with?" "I'm here to deliver my kids." "Yeah, it's their first day today." "That can't be right." "Really?" "The Henriksen twins, right?" "They don't start here for another two months." "Are you sure?" "100%." "And I warn you: no more shenanigans!" "That might work over there in the US, but not here, in Lillemuri." "Ok, I'm going." "I'll take my shenanigans with me." "Oh, there was one thing." "A sweet little kid came to me and said eh... something about eh... a violent incident?" "Olaf!" "Yeah, something about a child molester almost ripping his ear off." "Who was it again?" "What!" "It was Uncle Asmund!" "What are you up to now?" "Well, the thing is, the kid has witnesses." "Yes." "Let's see..." "You've been in the crime section, and most recently in national security." "What makes a woman with a CV like that apply for a job as a sheriff in Lillehammer?" " Do we really have to go through all this?" " Well, this is a job interview." "I have an ongoing personnel case." " Can you say some more about that?" " No." " Arve, I'm going home." " We all have a past." " Yes." "But I've always been good to put things behind me." "And I always get the job done efficiently without chitchat." "That's a P30." "Yes." "Right." "When can you start?"