"Hey, Claire, have you seen my work purse thingy?" "Briefcase." "Sure, if you want to get all accurate about it." "Here, let me help." "Oh." "Man, I hate being rushed in the morning." "I miss my old morning routine." "Three bowls of cereal and a leisurely read of the comics?" "I didn't just read the comics." "Sometimes, I'd read the cereal box and then turn it around and read the French side." "Trust me." "It's better to be too busy than not busy enough." "You wish you were busy." "I wish I was unemployed like you." "Hey, I'm not unemployed." "No, no, no." "You're just not exchanging labour for money." "There." "Now I can check that off my to-do list." "Tying my tie was on your to-do list?" "Not yet." "But later, I will put it down and then check it off." "Well, glad I could help." "I got to run." "I got to meet the kid who won Mayor For a Day." "Lucky." "I wish I had a Claire For a Day to help me out." "I am, like, wow, oof, et cetera." "Bye." "Dan, work purse thingy." "Thanks." ""Le flocons de mais." Huh." "Well, we are over budget on the skateboard park." "Oh, that stupid thing?" "Why not kill it?" "It's important kids have a place to go." "Somewhere else, away from City Hall." "I guess." "We found a perfect location:" "The bocce court." "Isn't that where people bocce?" "Who cares about bocce?" "A little construction and... skateboard park." "Bocce court, skateboard park." "Bocce court" "I don't think this'll work." "Sure it will." "Just watch." "Bocce court, skateboard park." "Looking pretty busy there, Fern." "Huh?" " I can relate." " Huh?" "Pretty busy." "I was just learning a second language." "I got to get this in or we won't win Best Bar." "What's that?" "Some award no one cares about?" "No, it's in the Wessex Weekly." "What's that?" "That free paper no one cares about." "Last year, this place won Best Bar." "Cool." "We did?" "No." "I did." "Oh, well, I own the bar now so, technically, this year, it'll be me." "So, technically, you'll be riding on my coattails." "You're not wearing coattails." "Metaphoric coattails." "Well, I bought your metaphoric coattails and now they're mine." "Claire, you're in P.R. What do you think?" "Well, normally, I would get paid for this kind of advise." "Sorry." "I don't want to make you do something for free." "No, no." "I'll do it." "As a P.R. professional, these awards do work." "They build your brand." "They bring recognition." "Maybe we should do it." "Oh, so she says so and now you're in?" "Because I had no idea awards were good for business." "It's true." "They are." "Thanks." "You're a shining beacon." "So, what do we do to win this thing?" "Well, they base it on a bunch of different things;" "Atmosphere, food." "Yeah, and buying expensive ads in the paper." "And that." "Morning." "Oh." "Thank goodness you're here." "Oh, thanks Karen." "It is nice to feel needed." "I have to pop out for just 20 minutes." "Could you cover the phones until I get back?" "Oh, I get it." "You're asking me because I'm a woman, right?" "Oh, no." "I'm only asking you because you're the least busy person here." "I'll have you know I am actually very busy." "I have messages to go through." "No, no messages." "Plus, there's the whole issue of optics." "I wouldn't want anyone to think I was just a receptionist." "No offence." "Oh no." "How could I possibly find that offensive?" ""Least busy person here."" "Will I get a client?" "One, two, three." "Yes." "No internet?" "Things to do." "One, get internet." "Two, stop talking to self." "So, it is with great pleasure we welcome Brian McCoogan, winner of Wessex High School's Mayor For a Day contest." "Thank you, Mr. Duffy." "It is truly an honour to be here." "And now, rest assured, I am not trying to take the mayor's seat, yet." "But watch me four years from now." "(Clapping)" "Thanks, Brian." "Welcome, Brian." "It's great to have you aboard." "Here, take a couple pictures." "All right." "Thanks, everyone." "Here, care for a doughnut or something?" "Umm." "Wait, you mean City Hall hasn't banned trans fats yet?" "Banning trans fats?" "I don't think anyone's really doing that." "Oh, they are, actually, most cities, in fact." "Oh." "Well, we've got some healthy options." "Yeah, I see you have plain doughnuts as well." "Oh!" "Smooth." "Well, what a great example for youth." "When I was in high school, I was going on dates and making lots of friends, but your way is good too." "Okay, see you." "Oh, actually, Brian's spending the whole day with you." "Oh, great." "Okay, well, my office is that way if you want to catch up." "When the reporters are gone, save me from the kid." "What?" "You don't like him?" "Smooth." "(Beeping)" "There you go." "Thanks, Mike." "I don't know what I'd do without you." "Uhh, how about start a new business, move in with Dan and never look back?" "That's a long time to be without the internet." "How'd you get any work done?" "I, you know, I" "Oh, I got to go." "I'm double-booked with clients." "You're busy, huh?" "Did you run ads or" "No, no, just, you know, word of mouth." "Ah, there's your mistake right there." "You need P.R." "No, we're good." "Sounds like you're a little lost." "Oh, I should get you into the Wessex Weekly's Best of Wessex edition." "It'll really help your business." "Yeah." "Oh, I got to run." "I've got clients lined up all afternoon." "Who doesn't?" "I just want us to be even." "Not because I dumped you but because you helped me just now." "Thanks for clearing that up." "So, got any questions for me?" "Umm, yeah." "Who tied your tie?" "Looks like a girl did it." "That's kind of rude, spookily observant." "I know how to tie a tie and I'm in high school." "Oh." "Well, tie it real tight next time." "So, this is your office?" "Kind of small." "Well, luckily for you, you'll be hanging out with my Chief of Staff today." "Oh, good." "I'd rather hang out with him." "Well, that's the great thing about having a Chief of Staff." "You can get him to do all your crap jobs." "I only did this to look good on a college application, okay?" "So, why don't you sign the paper saying I was here the whole day and I'll take off now." "I wouldn't be much of a mayor if I let you get away without doing anything." "So, you're keeping me here because I want to go." "Exactly." "How else can I learn about trans fats and how to tie a tie and that my office is too small?" "So, Brian, our mayor is quite busy so you're going to be spending the rest of the day with me." "Actually, change of plans, Alan." "I'd like to make sure Brian here takes full advantage of this opportunity." "He's a great kid." "Ah, told you you'd get to like him." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Okay, let's roll up our sleeves and get to work." "I'm out." "Fine." "Good luck applying to the University of Quit Halfway Through." "All right, all right." "Now, put the toy away." "We got work to do." "Fine." "I'm proposing a new initiative, Gardens for Schools." "That's a good idea." "Yeah?" "Yeah, so I can go to school, tend a garden, learn where food comes from." "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, because I'm 70 years old and I have nothing better to do." "Oh, wait, there's a problem." "Your idea's horrifically lame." "That's very constructive." "There's no good reason that wouldn't work." "Well, actually, education is a provincial jurisdiction, therefore not under your authority." "So, it's unconstitutional." "Great work, Mayor." "I do know how to tie a tie." "Just sometimes I let my girlfriend help me." "(Knocking)" "How are my two mayors doing?" "(Grumbling)" "Well, your day just got even better 'cause there's a group from the senior's centre in the hall." "Would you have time to come say hello?" "Yeah, I would but, you know, Brian." "Seniors rock." "I'll be there." "Yeah, I'll be there too." "Not before me." "Race you." "Okay, I should be back in an hour." "Whoa, where are you going?" "Wessex Weekly office." "I'm going to buy us a big ad and win us an award." " I'll take care of it." " It's fine." "No, no." "I'd like to." "And I don't think I'm actually going to buy an ad." "I want to win on our own merit." "So, you don't want to win then?" "Look, I don't want to play the whole "I'm the owner" card but" " That's not a card." " Uhh, yes it is." "So, now you're playing the "I invent new cards" card?" "That is definitely not a card." "Well, I'm going to play the "Jeff is wrong" card and I say it is." "People always play the "Jeff is wrong" card." "Look, I'm the owner and my picture's going in the paper when we win, on our own merit." "So, the face of Fern's is a guy named Jeff." "Yes." "That won't confuse anybody." "No." "Hi, this is Claire Kendall from Kendall and Associates." "I'm calling about your upcoming Best of Wessex issue." "Yes, I'll hold." "(Knocking)" "Hi, Claire." "Sorry to interrupt but I was still wondering if I could just pop out for" "Sorry, busy, so busy." "No, I'm calling on behalf of Mike Norman at Norman I.T." "Yes, I'll hold." "I just, I really need" "(Shushing)" "Sorry, swamped." "Got some things lining up here." "In the meantime, thank you so much for visiting City Hall." "(Clapping)" "Excuse me, Mr. Mayor, sir." "Yes, Brian." "Since I am mayor the day, could I say a few words?" "If you don't mind." "Sure, Brian." "Thank you." "I know that I'm just the mayor for a day, but one day I hope to be mayor for real." "And when I'm when I'm in office," "I will ensure free transportation to the 24-hour bingo centres that I plan to build." "(Clapping)" "That's adorable, Brian." "Meanwhile, my administration is about setting some concrete priorities for our seniors." "Like paving over our bocce courts and putting in skateboard ramps." "I'm trying very hard to balance your needs with the needs of others." "Folks, I promise that I'm going to sit down with the mayor and implore him to save your bocce courts." "(Clapping)" "Would we be able to get a snapshot with the mayor?" "Of course." "I meant the young man, but you can be in the shot too." "So, did you get a chance to go out and do your thing?" "No, ugh, I didn't yet." "Thanks so much." "I'll be right back." "Oh, no, sorry." "I was just asking to be nice." "Now's not a good time." "Plus, there's that whole optics thing." "What optics thing?" "I don't want to be mistaken for a receptionist." "Oh, you'd rather be mistaken for someone who's busy." "On my phone if you need me." "(Phone ringing)" "Fern's Bar and Grill." " Is Jeff Babbitt there?" " Yeah, this is Jeff." "This is the Wessex Weekly." "We were wondering why you haven't bought an ad in the Best of Wessex issue." "Oh, I think we can win the award on our own merit." "I think that would be a big mistake." "Well, I understand you might think that, but I'm the owner of Fern's and that's the way it's going to be." "Okay, just thought I'd check." "Bye." "Bye." "Wrong number." "You can't have lunch right now?" "I'm sorry, Claire." "It's a really busy day." "Oh, me too." "I just thought I'd try and squeeze you in." "How's the junior mayor?" "The kid's a total sociopath." "He said teens weren't into gardening." "You're threatened by a kid." "Isn't that a little immature?" "(Phone ringing)" "You going to get that?" "No, it's just the office." "I want the receptionist to know I am busy with a client." "But you're not." "She doesn't know that." "Well, I got to run." "Oh, me too." "Have a good one." "Oh, keep your girl hands off my tie." "Oh, Dan, Dan, we still need to deal with the budget shortfall on the skateboard park." "What is it with you and that skateboard park?" "We need one, now more than ever." "Hey, Brian's great, isn't he?" "Think I should try and friend him on Facebook?" "Yeah, I can't see any downside to a 50-year-old man friend-ing a 14-year-old boy on the internet." "You're right, too needy." "Maybe I'll follow him on Twitter." "Okay, Brian, let's get to this council meeting, then you can get home and catch up on iCarly." "Brian?" "Brian, what are you doing?" "Oh, hey Dan." "This is called skateboarding." "Remember?" "You screwed the seniors to give us a park?" "Yeah, and thanks for making promises that make me look bad." "Come on, they're old." "They'll forget." "No, old people remember everything, just none of it's interesting." "Have you ever talked to one?" "Just you." "I'm not old." "Watch this." "That's pretty good." "Oh yeah." "Check this out." "♪♪♪" "I'm sure the mayor will be here soon." "He has a very full plate today so let's just give him a few more minutes." "Sorry to be late, everyone." "It's okay, you're not late." "Dan's not here." "Umm, well, since I am mayor for the day, should I chair this meeting?" "Well, you're a 14-year-old kid who wasn't elected by anyone, so sure." "Just wish I knew where Dan was." "Last I saw him, he was loitering outside." "Huh?" "You betcha." "We can do that." "Mike, what are you doing here?" "Certainly, one moment please." "Yeah, Karen had to go to the doctor to get some test results." "She was really worried." "But everything's cool." "Oh, wow." "Yeah, poor Karen." "She was so embarrassed to interrupt my meeting but I was like "What kind of monster would I be if I didn't help out?"" "You know, I mean, after her test thing and her kid broke his arm, she's under so much pressure at that pre-law exam." "She's in pre-law?" "Yeah, Mensa too." "It's just I knew you were so busy." "I was like, "Karen, it's fine." "Sure, I have a lot of clients but, I mean, who doesn't?"" "(Phone ringing)" "Good afternoon, Norman I.T. incorporated." "Would you hold for a moment, please?" "Go, shoo, I'll take it from here." "Thanks." "Are you sure?" "Of course." "I'm just shocked Karen wouldn't ask me in the first place." "I know." "Hi there." "How can I help you?" "Really sorry I'm late, everybody." "It's okay, Dan." "The important thing is you learned how to do a kickflip today." "Oh, good one, Brian." "Hey, are you on Twitter?" "Look, let's get down to business." "I had something I wanted to propose." "It's a little bit unorthodox." "We'll have to get buy-in from the province but I think it's a really fresh idea..." "Gardens for schools." "Brian just proposed that." "Now you're stealing ideas from a kid?" "Nice, Dan." "Makes you look needy." "(Phone ringing)" "Norman I.T., one moment, please." "(Beeping)" "Hi." "I'm here to meet a Mike Norman." "Oh, sure." "Sorry, I will be right with you." "Can I help you?" "Oh, hi." "Gary, Wessex Weekly." "Mike Norman, thanks for coming in." "Hey, happy to." "Busy place you got here." "Yeah." "You mind?" "No, no, no." "Gary, this is Claire." "I think you've spoken already." "Yes, we spoke this morning." "Excuse me." "Man, I am so lucky to work with Claire." "This all happened because of her." "Thanks, Claire." "Gary, come this way." "(Beeping)" "Claire, would you mind" "Oh, look at you, already on it." "We'll take one black and one double-double." "Thanks, hon." "You know what?" "You're done." "We'll just do this press conference and you can go home." "Too bad." "I was just getting into this." "And after today, we'll never have to see each other again." "Until one day when I grow up and I give you a buck to stop squeegee-ing my bimer." "Well, that's not going to be for a long time." "(Chuckling)" "It was an honour serving as your mayor today, and I must say this city is in great hands with Dan here." "He's truly a lot smarter than he looks." "He'd have to be." "Let's have a big hand for Brian." "He had some really fantastic ideas." "Thank you, Brian." "Actually, did he tell you his idea for the budget shortfall?" "Oh, Brian here had the brilliant idea to not cut anything but to bring revenue to the city." "You all heard about our plans for the skateboarding park." "Well, Brian's idea is to charge admission." "It brings in revenue and teaches kids the value of a dollar." "Now, what kid doesn't love that?" "That wasn't my idea." "Oh, no, no, no." "I've learned my lesson." "I'm not going to take any credit for your ideas." "So, let's have a big hand for making-formerly-free-stuff-cost- more Brian." "(Clapping)" "Five bucks a head, even with conservative revenue for next quarter, we're talking good money." "That Brian's a bright kid." "You want to do this Mayor For a Day thing next year?" "No." "I should say good-bye to him." "Oh, shoot." "I think he's playing with his friends." "Think he's going to be okay?" "I hope not." "Hey, look at that." "I'm on page three." "Oh, Best I.T. Company." "That's a relief." "For a second, I thought I was going to see you in a bathing suit." "And now, the moment of truth." "Oh, that sucks." "What?" "You got Best Bar." "Yeah, but look how small the listing is." "And where's my picture?" "You mean Jeff, the face of Fern's?" "They obviously didn't have enough space to explain that." "What a drag." "Maybe we should have bought an ad." ""See centre spread."" ""Best Bartender?" "Fern of Fern's?"" "Well, at least we got something." "I'm glad you agree 'cause it cost me 3,000." "Since you're the owner, you owe me about... 3,000." "Hey, there he is, best mayor of Wessex." "That's good." "I'm glad I bought that ad." "Claire, I got Best I.T. Company." "Really?" "That's great." "Oh, hey, you are in here too." "Little old me?" "I mean, I did do a good job of getting you in there but I don't know if I deserve Best Public Relations." "No, Best Receptionist." "In your face, Karen." "Yes!"