"Hey." "So we saw a new billboard." "Yeah." "Pretty cool, huh?" "What better way to announce our new slightly lower prices than with an ad campaign?" "And what better face for an ad campaign than our new regional manager?" "How'd it look?" "You've seen it, right?" "No." "Andy, somebody defaced it." "What?" "How?" "(LAUGHING)" "Morning, Stanley" "There's this thing that people tend to do with billboards" "How do I put this?" "If there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a phallic shape interacting with the artwork, it'll happen." "And Andy gave them that opportunity." "Erin, how long did we order those billboards for?" "Six months Oh, God." "I need you to call the billboard company great billboard." "Funny, edgy right up to the line without crossing it." "Loved it." "Which one did you see?" "Washington Street" "The one with like 20 dongs on it." "Okay." "Don't be gross" "What's going on?" "Somebody defaced the billboards we just put out in an inappropriate way" "That's funny" "Wait, from the photo shoot with you and me?" "Yeah, Dwight" "No." "No" "No, no, no, no, no, no" "No, no, no, no, no." "No" "DWIGHT:" "Schrute Farms is very easy to find." "It's right in the middle of the root vegetable district" "If the soil starts to get acidic you've probably gone too far." "Just give us the address we'll look it up online" "It's simpler this way." "It's really not" "Now stated arrival time is 3:00 p.m." "I don't get the reason for this party." "Yeah." "What's the reason?" "What's the reason, Andy?" "What's the reason?" "It's just a garden party Sheesh!" "You don't need a reason to throw a garden party any more than you need a reason to throw a birthday party" "It's a garden party You don't need a reason" "A few other super simple reminders." "No burping, no slurping" "When eating, take small bites and chew thoroughly with your mouth closed" "Yes, Darryl?" "What happens when we're done chewing?" "Do we spit it out on the floor or keep it in our mouths the rest of the time?" "I get it." "I'm being a little overbearing" "But I promise to be under-bearing for a week if you guys just all step it up." "Andy, we understand basic table manners We're not children." "Yeah." "It's just a picnic" "This is not a picnic, Phyllis It's a garden party." "There's a grill in the warehouse I could bring" "Oh, ew Please don't." "Not a barbecue" "It's better than a barbecue It's dignified." "Quieter." "There are rules." "How is that better than a barbecue?" "What's the dress code for this?" "I'm glad you asked" "Connecticut casual" "Any chance Connecticut casual is Pennsylvania business?" "I.E., this is what I'm wearing to your party guys, my family just threw a garden party to celebrate my brother's promotion." "It was a huge success" "Check it out." "There's a video online" "Heartwarming impromptu father/son duet" "JIM:" "Oh, yeah" "KEVIN:" "Yeah." "Oscar you showed me this" "I've seen this." "That's not you" "Yeah." "Who's the sausage?" "(SINGING) ANDY:" "It's my dad and my brother" "I would have joined in but this melody doesn't really support another harmony part, so" "Check it out That's my brother's boss" "Look how psyched he is He's having an awesome time" "Ah" "And did Robert California get an invite to your party?" "Yeah, of course I mean, yeah I think he did" "Why didn't you just say this was to impress Robert California?" "I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO." "Classic Gabe move" "Hey, Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch" "See you all there at 3:00 p.m Connecticut casual" "Remember your manners and have a wonderful time" "And please refer to the map Stay off of the web." "Thank you" "So, we've typed in the address." "Now let's take a look at the street view" "They don't warn you when the cameras are driving by Ah." "Why do you keep reading that garden party book?" "I mean, how hard are finger sandwiches and tea?" "There's so much more to it than that" "DWIGHT:" "I've been wanting Schrute Farms to break into the high-end event hosting industry for some time, and this party is a great opportunity" "Plus, I've got a secret weapon" "Only one copy in the world, and some sucker on the Internet sold it to me for $2" "(LAUGHING)" "I'm actually really disappointed in how poorly my book is doing." "I've only sold one copy" "Is there anything you wish you'd done differently to avoid cankles?" "Nope" "I've already gone up another cup size." "The senator is grossed out" "When do you start feeling it kick?" "Cece was around 22 weeks but Philip was much earlier" "Philip?" "Oh, my gosh." "Yes But don't say anything, okay?" "It's after my grandfather" "Philip is the name that we're using." "It's after my favourite cat" "Oh, wow" "Funny." "It's after my grandfather." "It's after my cat" "ROBERT:" "Andrew, I picked up two possible gifts to bring this afternoon." "One, a pot of marmalade." "Ooh, that sounds great" "That is what you want then?" "The marmalade?" "Sure" "You don't want to hearthe otherone." "You love marmalade?" "I'll hear the other one" "It's a basil plant." "You know, the marmalade sounds great." "I also mentioned the marmalade to my sister, and she's very interested." "Then the basil will be fine" "Well, you clearly want the marmalade." "Gretchen, I need another marmalade." "All right." "(CALL DISCONNECTS)" "Hey, where do I park?" "I'm the valet." "You have to give me your car, I'm parking." "I can probably park it myself" "I'm the valet." "You have to give me your car." "It's probably okay that I park..." "No." "I think it's probably better that I" "I'm the valet." "You have to give me" "It's a finicky car Get out of your car." "Get out." "MOSE:" "Have a good time at the thing." "It's a little tricky." "You might want to" "Mr. Ryan Howard" ""Chapter Two." "Announcing guests as they enter" ""is the height of decorum" ""The more volume displayed the more honour is bestowed upon everyone present."" "Stanley Hudson and his mistress Cynthia" "James, Pamela and Peepee Halpert" "How's it going over here, guys?" "Andy, stop hovering" "You're being really annoying" "Didn't mean to bother you, Mable" ""Mable, Mable if you're able," ""keep your elbows off the table." Wow" "Mr. and Mrs. Walter and Ellen Bernard" "So you all work with Andy?" "Well, technically, for Andy" "Technically for Robert California He's our CEO." "I thought you were the CEO" "I don't know how you got there" "You said you were running the company" "This branch I'm the regional manager" "Yes." "Well, that makes more sense." "Are you a regional managers?" "Did I throw this party to impress my parents?" "That's crazy" "No, if they wanted a garden party, they could throw one themselves." "Which, as a matter of fact, they did last week." "They threw one for my baby brother, and it was totally amazing." "But I couldn't care less." "Can I introduce you around now?" "Yeah, we don't have too long We have theatre tickets." "What are you going to see?" "Moneyball." "It was Walter Jr.'s choice" "MRS. BERNARD There he is." "What?" "Bro-nard" "I didn't know you were going to be here" "I wouldn't have missed it" "(FAKE CHUCKLING) Okay" "(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)" "(CAWING)" "Ahh" "I'm Walter." "I'm Andy's younger brother" "Hey, how you doing?" "I'm Jim." "Tuna, right?" "And this must be your lovely wife, Pam" "No Hell no" "She wishes." "No, no, no no, no." "No" "Sir, I need to be able to feed all the guests I understand" "Excuse me" "(HARPSICHORD PLAYING)" "DWIGHT:" "Set that down" "Present yourself" ""Chapter Four One of the host's most important duties" ""is as dance master." ""A proper courtly dance sets the tone for the entire afternoon."" "Ladies and gentlemen may I present" "Robert California" "Hello, Andy Welcome" "Thank you Hey, I want you to meet my first bosses Mom and Dad" "Yes." "Hello." "Nice to meet you Pleasure." "Andy, where shall I put your basil plant?" "I thought you were going to bring the marmalade?" "No." "I'm certain you said basil." "This is not funny, man Let me down." "I think this thing is broken." "It's not broken, Kevin This is how it works." "It's so pretty today" "It's getting chilly" "Yeah." "We really should be leaving" "Yeah." "Um" "It'll be weird if the boss-man didn't make a toast, so hang on." "Everybody, I just want to take this opportunity to thank you all for coming and to raise a glass to my amazing staff" "Toasts are great." "I mean, you toast somebody they toast you back It just goes round and round" "That's my favourite part about toasts, the reciprocity" "Let's hear from you guys." "Who do you want to toast?" "Yeah, I'll say something" "I think we should be acknowledging our boss because none of us would be here without him" "Robert California" "To Robert KELLY:" "Yay, Robert" "I cannot believe I didn't think of toasting Robert." "Get in the game, Gabriel" "Why are you talking to Stanley's mistress?" "I would like to toast someone who isn't here but who will be in just four short months" "Welcome to the world Philip Lipton." "ALL:" "Aww" "I also would like to toast Philip Halpert who's due even sooner" "May he be a good namesake to my grandfather who I promised as a child long before tonight, that I would one day name my son after him" "To Philip Halpert." "To Philip" "ANDY:" "All right" "She just always has to copy anything I do" "It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again" "I'd like to make a toast to the troops" "Here, here Yes" "All the troops Both sides" "I think we should toast" "Ladies and gentlemen the Last Supper." ""Chapter Nine The tableau vivant is not only welcome" ""but expected entertainment at any garden party."" "Andy?" "I think that we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter." "To Robert California Yeah" "I would also like to toast Robert California Mr. California..." "You can't triple toast somebody" "At least not until we hit everyone once" "I'll say a few words if that's all right with you, Andy" "Yeah" "You people say I led you but it wasn't me" "You want to toast the man who led you to success, but the boss is irrelevant" "Andy and I produce nothing We do nothing" "We sit in our offices and demand," ""I want this and that right now" like petulant children" "You know the difference between a crying baby and a manager?" "One day the baby will grow up." "(ALL CHUCKLING)" "But without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers waiting for someone to change us, wipe us" "I should be toasting you thanking you, for allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe." "Cheers ALL:" "Cheers" "To Robert California" "From the moment you entered our building and our hearts, you..." "Some of you know that we have an Internet star in our midst." "Mr. Walter Banes Bernard, Sir please report to the stage." "I'm eating, Andy" "Come on" "Okay." "All right" "Okay" "Yes Yeah, what do you want to do?" "Well, how about one of our classic father/son duets?" "(PLAYING GUITAR) Oh, whoa." "You sure?" "Really?" "It's a little tricky" "Saying I love you Is not the words" "It's too high." "It's high but it's not that high." "Really?" "Right." "It feels strained Yeah." "Just take it down." "Saying I love..." "Saying I love you" "Here." "Just give it to me." "Yeah Yeah" "Okay" "Something like" "Saying I love you is not the word..." "You don't come in yet ...I want to hear from you" "It's not that I want you" "Not to say but if you only knew" "More than words" "Is all you have to do to make it real" "Is anyone filming this?" "Seriously." "Erin!" "It's either taping or calling." "What would you do" "If my heart was torn in two" "You know what?" "Walter Jr. is here" "Why don't you come up and join us?" "WALTER, JR.:" "Yeah, no" "No, come up and do something with me." "I don't know, Pop" "I'm just having a good time getting to know Andy's friends here" "Get up there and sing or I will cut your larynx and you'll never be able to sing again" "Whoo!" "Come on" "Come on Give them what they want" "All right." "This old thing I don't even" "May the good Lord be with you Down every road you roam" "And may sunshine and happiness Surround you when you're far from home" "And may you grow to be proud Dignified and true" "And do unto others As you'd have done to you" "Cheers!" "All right" "What's going on?" "Cheers, cheers." "Get your own guitar" "Sorry." "RECORDED VOICE:" "Please hang up and try again." "I am so cold It's because you didn't bring a jacket" "My first love is beet farming, but it's a young man's game" "Whoever heard of an old beet farmer?" "Forget the beets." "Concentrate on the hosting" "I can spend a considerable amount of money having my birthday party here" "Really?" "We have a number of birthday packages" "The Pewter package has the least amount of goats." "It's not no goats it's still 10 to 12 goats depending on the availability of the goats" "Now the goat package, obviously, has the most goats What were you thinking?" "Of course I am not interested in goats" "Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me?" "I can get you exotic meats" "Hippo steaks." "Giraffe burgers" "We'll talk" "It'll all be goat" "Hello, Cece Halpert This is Andrew Bernard" "I'd very much like to speak with you about your paper supply needs" "That wasn't even my worst sales call" "(KNOCKING AT DOOR)" "MR. BERNARD:" "Hi" "What was that display?" "I don't know." "I just thought if I could throw this great garden party and show you how respected I am that you'd be proud of me" "Andrew I know" "I know that you're proud of me." "I'm not going to tell you how impressed I am that you're a manager of some rinky-dink branch of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania" "How long are you going to go on needing my approval?" "You're a grown man." "Don't act like a little boy who needs..." "DARRYL:" "I think if I had parents like that," "I'd be trying to convince everyone all the time how great I was, too" "Guess we found Andy's Rosebud Rosebud?" "It's a reference to Citizen Kane." "Something that explains why a person became the way they are." "I know Citizen Kane." "Rosebud didn't explain why he was how he was" "It just represented what was important to him as a child, that he missed." "Different school of thought." "Let's just agree to disagree" "No." "You're wrong" "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "I'm too hot anyway" "My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy" "Isn't that strange?" "I've never been there" "Oh!" "Ah." "Well" "Yes, that's nice" "Thank you" "It was a nice party." "The setting was a little strange." "The food" "Sandwiches were dry" "Bye, Tuna Bye, Pam" "(ALL CHATTERING)" "Hey, everybody I'm going to leave and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry" "Cheeseburger or hamburger?" "Um" "Cheeseburger" "OSCAR:" "Nard-Dog" "Thanks, Oscar" "(DRUMMING IN DISTANCE)" "What are they doing?" "Closing ceremonies" "Nice touch" "I think I left my wallet in your house." "Who cares?" "Right here Mr. James Halpert" "Keys." "My keys" "Stop forgetting things." "I didn't forget them They're right here." "Mr. James Halpert" "I'm so sorry." "I think I forgot the" "What You idiot" "Ooh Mis..." "Mi." "What are you doing?" "Hey, I have a question" "Who do you think is really the best salesman in this office?" "Stupid question, obviously Mr. James Halpert!"