"(barking orders)" "Yeah, that's right, Operator." "Fort Baxter, Roseville, Kansas." "I don't like it." "I could get thrown off the track for this." "Look, Tom, this guy saved my life in the South Pacific." "It's my one chance to make it up to him." "MAN (over phone):" "Fort Baxter." "Oh, can I speak to a Sergeant Ernest Bilko?" "(over phone):" "He's on duty at the motor pool." "Look, I'm calling all the way from New York." "It's very important." "(over phone):" "I'll connect you with the motor pool." "(phone ringing, tools clanging)" "Hold it, you guys." "(clanging stops)" "Motor pool." "Private Doberman speaking." "Can I speak to Sergeant Bilko?" "Bilko?" "Uh, wait a minute." "I have to write it down." "B-I-L..." "BILKO:" "Will you stop?" "..." "K-O." "Don't tell me..." "When I tell you" "I want piston rods, I want..." "Okay." "What is this, chatting time, Dob...?" "For you, Sarge." "For me?" "Yeah, wait till I write it down." "It's for me." "I'm right here!" "What are you..." "B-I-L..." "Hello." "Sergeant Bilko talking." "Hello, Ernie." "Bill Krepanski." "Remember Saipan, Okinawa?" "Hey, Bill." "How you been?" "Hey, look, Ernie, I'm calling all the way from New York," "so I got to make this quick." "New York?" "Yeah." "Remember I told you that my brother, Tom, was a jockey?" "Yeah, well, here he is." "Hello, Bilko." "Hello, Tom." "Say, I've been following your career." "I'm riding a horse called Popover in the fifth race tomorrow at Belmont." "This morning, at a secret workout, this horse beat the track record." "Ernie, she's going off at 40 to one." "BILKO:" "40 to one?" "Ernie, I waited a long time to be able to pay you back, and this is it." "Now, remember, outside of ourselves, you're the only guy in the country that knows about this." "Put everything you've got on it." "Everything I got on it." "I'm the only one that knows." "It's 40 to one." "Sarge, Sarge, you're as white as a ghost." "What is it?" "I'm on my honor." "I can't tell you." "Write this down." "Fifth race at Belmont, Popover, 40 to one." "Hot tip on a horse, Sarge?" "You been eavesdropping again, Doberman?" "Oh, Sarge, not another tip." "Not just another tip." "From one of the leading jockeys in the country." "Oh, the break of my life." "Here it is, and I'm broke." "How much money you got?" "40 cents." "Henshaw?" "He's been staking me." "(snaps fingers)" "I got to..." "Pendleton-- he owes me $50." "No, no." "You owe him." "Oh, that's the way it was, yeah." "Sarge, maybe we can hock something." "Hock something?" "Kadowski's typewriter." "We'll hock..." "It's Kadowski's." "Besides, uh, we hocked it three months ago." "Yeah." "Well, we got it out, didn't we?" "(stammering):" "We'll hock it again." "Not anymore." "Not anymore." "Kadowski carries it around strapped to his back." "I got to think." "I got to think." "Sarge, the platoon welfare fund." "Yeah, I got to th..." "What, Doberman?" "Oh, no." "Not that." "Not what, Sarge?" "I know what you're thinking." "I'm thinking?" "You're thinking about the $200 in the platoon welfare fund, which the boys entrusted to you." "Yeah, but, Sergeant..." "I'm ashamed of you, Doberman." "You know that money is just for any member of the platoon who needs the money for an emergency." "That's right." "It's for any member who needs to get married" "or has a baby or has a..." "And in spite of that," "you want to bet it on a horse?" "But, Sergeant..." "I know why-- so you can get the credit when you distribute the $8,000 we'll win" "with that $200, huh?" "$8,000..." "Tired of being the patsy of the outfit, huh?" "You want them to call you the benefactor, don't you?" "Well, Sergeant..." "You want them to say Doberman the Brain." "Oh, I wish I could be like you-- cold, razor sharp, one step ahead of the mob all the time." "Tell me, Doberman, how do you do it?" "Well, I figured it was no good laying around there," "not drawing any interest..." "All right, get the money." "On the double!" "(barks orders)" "Sarge, Sarge, the platoon's money." "They'll spend the rest of their life thanking me." "Get me an overnight pass." "I got to get in town, place that bet with a bookmaker." "Not a chance, Sarge." "Why?" "Nobody can leave the post." "You see, Colonel Hall is going to Topeka on an enlistment program." "And he wants nobody off the post while he's away." ""Transportation order:" "Colonel J.T. Hall" ""and one sergeant to Topeka for duty at enlistment booth, State Fair Auditorium."" "Hey, hey!" "That's it, boys." "You're looking at an enlisting sergeant." "Sarge, you are the last guy the colonel will trust around rookies who still got money from home." "Let me speak to Colonel Hall, please." "Minute I get to Topeka, I'll contact Lolita, a dancer that works at the Mambo Hut." "She'll steer me to a bookmaker." "Sarge, the colonel will never take you with him." "And I packed your winter pajamas, too, in case the nights get cold in Topeka." "Nell, I'll only be gone for two days." "Oh, what's this?" "You packed my money belt, too?" "Well, John, I thought that when..." "Nell, for goodness' sakes, my money belt." "I'm going to Topeka, not the Barbary Coast." "(phone rings)" "Hello?" "Colonel Hall?" "Sir, this is Sergeant Bilko." "Sir, I wonder if I could ask the colonel-- did the colonel intend to take me with him to Topeka, sir?" "You?" "Bilko, I wouldn't take you to Topeka with me if the enemy was marching down the main street." "Oh, thank you, sir!" "HALL:" ""Thank you"?" "What did he say?" "He's insisting I go with him." "Get the staff car ready." "On the double." "NELL:" "John, why must you always be so, uh, suspicious of that nice Sergeant Bilko?" "Why was he so happy to hear that I was going to be away?" "Now, John..." "I never thought of it." "Bilko alone on the post with me a hundred miles away." "The last time I went away, he had rookies down at the rifle range and was charging them three shots for a quarter." "And another time, he entered one of our Sherman tanks in the local stock car race." "So, that's what he's up to-- seeing that I'm safely off to Topeka while he runs one of his schemes." "John." "Oh, no, he won't." "He's not going to get away with it." "(knock on door)" "Come in." "Colonel Hall, sir, the staff car is waiting to take you to Topeka, sir." "And you're going along." "Me, sir?" "I'm not prepared, sir." "I..." "I know, but you're not going to be alone on this post." "You're coming to Topeka with me." "Sir, you distinctly said..." "That's an order." "And don't try to wriggle out of it." "No, sir." "Go and get your clothes packed." "They're packed in the trunk of the car, ready to go, sir." "Oh, well, I knew you'd be in a hurry, sir, because post time..." "I mean, the rookies, sir." "And we'll..." "we'll have to go, and I'll..." "Sorry, Mrs. Hall." "We have to go after all." "Duty before beauty." "(Mrs. Hall giggles)" "You are sweet." "Colonel, Colonel, come on." "I'm double-parked." "Good-bye, Nell." "Oh, John, I do hope that during these two days alone with Sergeant Bilko, you'll find out his true character." "Yes, dear." "Two days alone with Bilko?" "Nell." "Uh, what is it, dear?" "Give me my money belt." "Join the Marines." "Right here." "Join the Navy." "Right here, men." "Join the Navy today." "Just a second, young man." "Have you thought of the Marines as a career?" "I want to join the Army." "Well, you look over our brochure right here, and then you can come back..." "Yes, certainly." "Just a second, young man." "Sign right here..." "Young man, have you considered the opportunities the Navy offers you?" "BILKO:" "Lolita, I'm desperate." "No, I want to join the Army." "I got to find a bookmaker right away." "Well, the Army's in the next booth." "Look, Lolita, you don't understand." "It's the chance of a lifetime." "What is it?" "What?" "Go!" "Go!" "Go!" "I want to join the..." "Now, look, it's very important." "If I don't find a bookmaker," "I'm going to blow the biggest opportunity of my life." "Now, look, Lolita, you must know where I can find one." "Excuse me." "You..." "What?" "What is it?" "What?" "Can't you see I'm busy?" "Look..." "I'd like to sign up in the Army." "Go some..." "We got no pencils." "Go away." "Look, it's very important, Lolita." "I..." "I have one." "Look, Lolita, I'm stuck here with a troublemaker." "Just a minute." "Did you take the marching test yet?" "The wh... the what?" "That's very important." "March now." "One, two, huh, huh, three, four, huh." "All right, look, Lolita, you must know one bookmaker in town, because this is the opportunity" "I've been waiting for all my life." "Now, go away." "What is it?" "What do you want?" "I want to join the Army." "We're out of uniforms." "Go to the Navy." "Look, honey, now, you must know one..." "I know the town is closed tighter than a drum, but what's the name of the guy that used to hang around your place?" "One, two, three, four." "All right, look." "The guy that... your roommate, Carmen, knew a fella." "He had a gold tooth in the front." "I think his name was Lonesome Sam." "Oh, Carmen had the gold tooth." "Well, they were always together." "I never knew." "But this guy, Lonesome Sam, he was a bookmaker." "What..." "All right, betting commissioner." "But I got to have his number." "I'd like to join the Army." "I..." "You wouldn't like it, kid." "Look what they did to me." "I'm only 19 years old." "Look, honey, if I could..." "Yeah, but I'd like to join." "I had my heart set on it." "Look, you'd like the Navy..." "Chief, will you turn around?" "Yes?" "Look at the Navy." "Look at those uni..." "Look at that smile." "They give you free dental." "Come right over here, young man." "Roll over." "Roll, roll." "Go." "Look, Lolita, if you can give me Carmen's number, then I can..." "Give me Carmen's num..." "One, two, three, four." "Well, what's her number?" "What?" "Well, have her call me at the enlistment booth at the State Fair Auditorium." "The number's Bixby 7, 3-2-4." "Yes." "Have her get in touch with me." "It's very important." "Look, if I put this over," "I'll buy you a whole new set of maracas." "Go to the Navy, will you?" "(gasps) Uh, yes." "Yes, sir." "Well, if you're not thinking of joining, sir, why don't you call ten of your friends and have ten of your friends call ten of their friends?" "Thank you very much, sir." "It's a new idea in recruiting, sir." "Chain phone calls, sir." "I'll bet." "Bilko, you've been here all morning." "How many men have you recruited?" "Uh, uh, men?" "Yes." "How many men?" "Uh, how-how many men?" "Uh, you want the exact number?" "The exact number." "Or-or the approximate, sir?" "The exact number." "The exact." "Oh, knowing you, I know you'd want the exact, 'cause..." "because you are full of prec..." "The exact number." "Yeah." "Yes." "My papers are in such a mess." "(phone rings)" "I'll have to find out the exact number, sir." "Hello?" "Sergeant who with the flashing eyes?" "Sir, I believe this call is for me, sir." "Lolita?" "Sir, this call is for me." "If you don't..." "Bilko, no personal calls on duty." "It's not personal;" "it's about a mother about her son enlisting in the Army, sir." "Hello." "Mr. Lolita?" "And how is your husband, Mr. Lonesome Sam Lolita?" "What?" "Carmen?" "Carmen has the number?" "What's Carmen's number?" "What?" "Tell it to me;" "I'll remember it." "Bixby 7, 6-2-3." "All right, I'll call Carmen immediately." "Thank you, Mr. Lolita." "Carmen?" "Carmen; that's her son." "We're having trouble enlisting him, sir." "You see, they live in a basement, and he wants to join the submarine service." "Something about the pressure on his ears." "I don't underst..." "Bilko, if you're up to something..." "Up to something?" "When I'm in recruiting..." "No, not the..." "The Army is here." "I'll see how they're doing" "Come join the Army," "at the other enlistment booths." "your finest friend!" "The Army is..." "Hello." "Carmen!" "Listen, did Lolita call you?" "Here's what..." "(shouting orders)" "Yes." "Here's what I want." "Look, I want the number of Lonesome Sam." "What are you so secretive about?" "!" "This is a big opportunity." "I'll put you in on it!" "Look, I got a thing that comes along once in a life." "What is his..." "Somebody'll get in touch with me?" "When?" "Any minute?" "You told them where?" "All right..." "Wait a minute, I think they're here now." "Oh." "Psst." "What is it, young man?" "Are you from Lonesome Sam?" "No, I'm from Wichita." "Oh." "Excuse me." "Is this a contest?" "No, it's just a..." "(barking orders)" "Oh!" "Where is he?" "Where is he?" "Where's who?" "!" "I'm expecting a recruit, sir." "That's what I'm looking for, a young recruit." "Oh, well, we're doing pretty good, Bilko." "Over at the other booth, they've already signed up three recruits." "Oh, bully, bully!" "How many men have you signed up?" "Somebody just asked me that question." "It was me." "Oh, yes." "How many men?" "Well, sir, my papers are in such a mess, sir." "I have to see." "Are you looking for someone that's lonesome?" "What?" "Oh, that's for me." "This is the young recruit." "Right this way." "I'm Sergeant Bilko, the man you're supposed to get in touch with." "You go right down to Lackawanna Plaza and Essex Avenue." "Lackawanna Plaza, Essex Avenue." "Yeah." "You contact the organ-grinder." "Organ-grinder." "The password is "La Paloma."" "La Paloma." "La Paloma?" "Yeah, he wants the Spanish Army-- it's right up the road." "Thank you very much." "Bilko, I've looked over all these records." "You haven't signed up one recruit." "Well, sir, it's a terrible location here." "Why don't we go to Lackawanna Plaza and Essex." "There's a bedlam of activity, sir." "Nonsense!" "The Navy's already signed up six." "The Marines have signed up six." "Well, you know how they are, sir." "They'll just take anybody-- but not me, sir." "I have an example in front of me." "I want a man of your caliber, sir." "A precise man, a man who knows that tomorrow is another day." "And so I'll see you the first thing in the morning." "We'll start right fresh, sir." "Bilko, come back here!" "Sir, I have to go on an errand-- it'll only take me 15 minutes." "Say, Chief?" "Yes?" "Will you watch my booth while I'm gone, like a good fella?" "Bilko, you will not leave this booth until you've signed up some men!" "Sir..." "Now, that's an order!" "Yes, sir." "Got to sign up some men." "Sign some men." "Excuse me." "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Yeah?" "Want to sign?" "It's the greatest opportun..." "I'm looking for the checker tournament." "Checker tournament?" "What does a young man like you want with checkers?" "Why don't you join the Army, get some adventure?" "Eh?" "Join the army!" "Defend your country!" "I'm 78." "Well, we'll put you on sick call the minute you come in, sir." "(muttering) Recruits!" "I need re..." "All right, all right, I got a surprise." "Fellas, you want to see something spicy?" "Follow me." "Here, here, here, here, here!" "All right, men, now that I got your attention," "I got something so unusual it surprises even me." "Men, all you got to do is sign this application." "What do you get for it?" "What do you get absolutely free?" "Listen to this." "A genuine pair of shoes-- one for the left foot, one for the right foot." "And they're all leather-ized." "That's absolutely free with each application." "You want more?" "You want more to induce you?" "I got it for you, men." "Here it is." "A suit for the winter." "A suit for the summer." "That's absolutely free." "And as the pièce de résistance, what do we got here?" "We got an M1 rifle." "It's all yours, men, absolutely free." "And what you do with it in your spare time-- the Army never asks questions." "All right, men, you wonder how can we do this?" "How can we give these away absolutely free?" "I'll tell you why." "Because each and every one of our camps are in the low-rent district, men." "Hold that!" "Hold that!" "Just a minute." "Would you come in here a minute?" "I heard that remark." "There's not enough inducement." "All right." "I accept your challenge." "I got it for you right here." "This is it, friends." "Now, they won't let me sell this, but they can't stop me from giving this away!" "This is what it is." "The soldier's handbook." "This is a limited publication, privately printed, friends." "Do I have to say any more?" "Now, friends, I want to tell you about this little book." "There's a city ordinance don't let me show you the inside of the book here." "But in the privacy of your barracks, if you'll be kind enough to turn to page 75, what do you see?" "Uh, no other than..." "What is it, friend?" "Take another look, men." "Know what that is?" "That's a Browning automatic machine gun." "To your naked eye, that's as harmless as a newborn babe." "Right?" "However..." "Little closer." "I want you to take an ordinary kitchen match." "I want you to light it." "Rub it up and down behind this picture," "you're gonna see..." "(men groaning)" "Now, men, just a minute." "You won't..." "Here!" "Young man, I know you want to get this opportunity, son." "Well, I wanted to join the Navy!" "The Navy?" "I'm not gonna..." "But, look, friend, you must have seen Mutiny on the Bounty." "Look alive." "Use your noodle." "The Navy-- you know what happens in the Navy?" "You get in the Navy, first thing you know, you're on a battleship." "The battleship breaks down-- you know what you got to do?" "You got to row." "Did you ever try rowing a battleship?" "Here it is, friend." "All right, friends, I got it!" "I got..." "Never mind, Bilko." "Thanks to the other booth, we have our quota." "Well, congratulations, sir." "And I'll be on my way." "Thank you very much." "Stay here." "Well, sir, I know you wanted to talk to the men about your combat experiences in World War I." "Oh, men, you must get the colonel to tell you about the time he strolled through no-man's-land, just swinging his riding crop, grinning at the enemy, calling them swine-- and in their native tongue." ""Schweinehund!"" "This man." "This is the man who said it." "You can be very..." "I'll be on my way." "Thank you very much, sir." "Come back here." "Sir?" "You're in charge of these men until 6:00." "That's when they'll be sworn in at the armory." "Sworn in?" "We can trust them without swearing them in." "They look like fine gentlemen, sir." "Quiet!" "Men, this is Sergeant Bilko." "Don't leave his side for a moment." "Thank you, sir." "All right, all right." "(men all talking at once)" "(shouting) Hy-up!" "Now, look, men, I got a secret mission I got to go on." "Tell you what I want you to do." "But, Sergeant..." "Shh, quiet." "You look like bright boys." "But, Sergeant..." "I want you to go to the..." "But, Sergeant." "What, what, what?" "!" "The colonel ordered us to stay with you." "Good boy." "Now, look, pay no attention to what the colonel said." "But, Sergeant..." "You listen to me." "You go to the YMCA..." "But, Sergeant..." "But, Sergeant..." "What, what, what?" "!" "Doesn't the colonel's orders supersede a sergeant's?" "He's right." "He's right, Sarge." "Look, I got to go on this secret mission, men." "Good." "We'll go with you." "Yeah!" "All right, all right, quiet!" "Now, look, do you know where Lackawanna Plaza and Essex Street is?" "It's down that way." "Down..." "All right." "Follow me and keep it very quiet." "(quietly):" "Forward, march." "# We're in the Army now... #" "Shh!" "Quiet!" "Shh." "Here." "(quietly):" "# We're in the Army now #" "# We're not behind the plow... #" "BILKO:" "Hut, two, three, four." "Hut, two..." "# We're in the Army now... #" "Company, halt!" "(music box playing)" "Pardon me." "(music stops)" "Is that "La Paloma"?" "On your way." ""Three steps to the rear."" "One, two, three." ""Punch Rocky Graziano in the nose."" "All right, on the double, hy-yut, two, three..." "MEN: # We're in the Army now, we're not behind the plow. #" "Move it, move it." "MEN: # You're in the army now, you're not behind the plow. #" "Hold it, hy-yup!" "La Paloma." "Climb on." "Wha...?" "Climb on." "Come on, come on." "Climb on?" "Air Force." "Come on, on the double." "Here, get up." "Come on, come on." "# We're in the Army now #" "# We're not behind the plow #" "# You'll never get rich by digging a ditch #" "# We're in the Army now. #" "Okay!" "It's all right, little more." "That's it." "Easy, easy." "Now, Sarge..." "Quiet, quiet." "One, two, three." "La Paloma." "All right, over, come on." "Hut, two, three, four." "# You're in the Army now... #" "Hut, two, three, four." "# You're not behind the plow #" "Come on, move it, move it." "# You'll never get rich by digging a ditch #" "# You're in the Army now... #" "Come on." "# You're in the Army now, you're not behind the plow #" "# You'll never get rich by digging a ditch #" "# You're in the Army now. #" "Where are we, Sarge?" "Hold it, hold it, what?" "One, two, three." "La Paloma." "This is it." "Follow me, men." "Hut, two, three!" "# We're in the Army now, we're not behind the plow #" "# You'll never get rich by digging a ditch #" "# You're in the Army now. #" "(men speaking indistinctly)" "Lonesome Sam." "Called at Rockingham." "20 across on Shirttail in the third, Santa Anita-- check." "Lonesome Sam." "A hundred on Katy's Dad in the sixth at Tropical." "Gotcha." "Sam... a $100 marker for Johnny?" "Cut him down to $50." "# We're in the Army now, we're not behind the plow #" "# You'll never get rich by digging a ditch #" "# You're in the Army now #" "# We're in the Army now, we're not behind the plow #" "# You'll never get rich by digging a ditch #" "# We're in the Army now. #" "Hey, Sarge, where are we?" "Shh, our mission is almost completed." "Let me read." ""Seventh rivet from the top-- press."" "One, two, three." "Are you taking anything at Sunshine Park?" "Anything." "(doorbell ringing)" "Hold it." "See who it is." "Hey, it looks like somebody in uniform." "SAM:" "Uniform?" "Switch!" "SAM (singsongy):" "Length: 43!" "ASSISTANT:" "Length: 43!" "SAM:" "Waist: 46!" "ASSISTANT:" "Waist: 46!" "SAM:" "Leg: 29!" "ASSISTANT:" "Leg: 29!" "You want a cuff?" "(doorbell rings)" "Yeah." "Come in!" "Chest: 52!" "ASSISTANT:" "Chest: 52!" "SAM:" "Shoulders: 43!" "Sam!" "Sorry, wholesale only." "Sam, it's me" " Bilko." "Bilko, are you crazy, bringing a whole regiment in here?" "!" "This town's hotter than...!" "Quiet." "Take it easy!" "They don't know anything." "They're with me, they're all right." "Oh, okay." "Switch!" "(phones ring)" "BOOKMAKERS:" "Lonesome Sam." "Hey, Sarge, where are we?" "Isn't it obvious?" "This is the headquarters of the Army Intelligence Western District." "Really?" "Yes, it's very exciting, but keep..." "Don't bother the officers." "Sam, look, I got to bet $200 on..." "Bilko, I'm in enough trouble." "I don't book bets on soldiers." "Sam, this is the whole platoon welfare fund-- 200 bucks on Popover." "Let me see the odds." "The fifth race at Belmont." "Now, look, look, look, Moe," "I can't deliver a scratch sheet to you now." "I'm on the phone." "Sir, if it's a vital message, I can take it." "I was on the track team at school." "Moe, okay, okay, I'm sending a kid over." "He'll deliver it to you." "Yeah, right." "Here, 621 Oak Terrace." "On your way." "Yes, sir." "621 Oak Terrace." "Hey, do you know where that is?" "No." "I'll ask a policeman." "Hey, close that door!" "All right, Sam, is it a bet?" "$200." "40 to one?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Hey, it's time for the fifth at Belmont." "Hey, put on the radio." "RADIO ANNOUNCER:" "They're at the post, the fifth at Belmont." "At the post?" "Yeah, the fifth regiment at Fort Belmont." "(over radio):" "They're off." "They're off?" "Yeah, army maneuvers." "(over radio):" "In the first turn, it's Popover by two lengths." "Popover?" "General Popover-- he always leads his men." "(over radio):" "In the backstretch, it's Popover by one length with Little Mabel coming up fast." "Little Mabel?" "That's the general's wife;" "she's always by his side." "Come on, Popover!" "They're turning for home." "Did they forget their rifles?" "Oh, quiet." "It's Popover, Little Mabel, and Battleship Gray." "Battleship?" "The Navy is in on it-- combined operations." "(over radio):" "They're coming down the stretch." "They're neck and neck, down to the wire." "(banging on door)" "Open up in the name of the law." "The cops!" "Okay, okay, everybody, into the wagon." "BILKO:" "I'm glad you came." "I was holding these men at bay until you arrived." "Ah, get into the wagon." "I only asked a policeman." "You." "Sarge, are we arrested?" "No trouble-- it's a civilian defense drill." "You're doing a grand job, sir." "(Bilko grumbling)" "(overlapping chatter)" "Come on." "Come on." "Okay, bring in the next batch." "You ready for us, sir?" "Hurry up and bring 'em in." "All right, forward, march." "Hut, two, three, four!" "# You're in the Army now #" "Hut, two." "# You're not behind the plow #" "# You'll never get rich by digging a ditch #" "# You're in the Army now. # -(barking orders)" "Get those shoulders back." "Let's be proud." "General, we're ready to be mustered out." "Oh, I beg your pardon." "I thought this was the armory." "Right face, forward march." "Hut!" "Wait, stop!" "# We're in the Army now. #" "This is a pretty sight-- an American sergeant with five young rookies found in a horse parlor." "But Sergeant Bilko..." "Aah!" "Name, rank, and serial number-- that's all you have to give." "So you won't talk, huh?" "May I remind you of the Geneva conference?" "It states..." "Quiet!" "As a citizen and a member of the armed forces," "I believe I'm entitled to one question." "Go ahead." "Who won the fifth race at Belmont?" "There was such excitement..." "Quiet!" "Sam, step forward." "MAN:" "All right, where is he?" "We got the whole bunch, Chief." "Sir, I kept 'em at bay until the police came." "Quiet!" "Yes, sir." "So we finally nabbed you, Sam, huh?" "I'm going to show you that this city has no use for bookmakers, and as far as you horseplayers are concerned," "I am going to make an example out of every one..." "Hi, Dad." "Dad?" "What's my son doing up there?" "He was the runner we picked up." "Sir, I knew he was your son the minute I saw him." "Never mind." "He has your eyes, those steely eyes, sir." "Will you shut up?" "!" "You can be proud of that chin." "He's your boy." "Can you see the afternoon papers?" ""Chief of Police's Son Nabbed in a Raid"?" "Excuse me, sir." "Here, here, what are you doing?" "Just the racing section, sir, if you don't..." "Now what are we going to do?" "Relax, Bilko, your horse lost." "He lost?" "Yeah." "Oh, there goes the 200 bucks for the platoon..." "Look, Bilko, I'll give you back the 200 bucks" "if you help me beat this rap." "You will?" "Yeah." "OFFICER:" "Chief, let's just be realistic." "CHIEF:" "I am." "I have never let my personal life interfere with my duty and I'm not going to start now." "I have never been able to hang a rap on-on Sam, and if he's guilty, they're all guilty." "Yeah, but, Chief, maybe we could..." "No, no, no." "There's no other way out." "Excuse me, sir, but there is a way out." "Oh, there is?" "Believe me, sir, I'm very sincere." "Will you excuse me just a minute, sir?" "Sam, were you and your boys ever pinched before?" "Our record's clean." "Sir, I have the solution, believe me." "If I can have you in the privacy of your office for just a minute, sir..." "Okay, follow me." "(mumbling): 200-- you give back?" "All right." "GENERAL (over speaker):" "...to the best of my ability..." "MEN (over speaker): ...to the best of my ability..." "GENERAL: ...as members of the United States Army." "MEN: ...as members of the United States Army." "Nice work, Bilko." "Thank you, sir." "Well, they've taken the oath." "Congratulations, Colonel." "Thank you, General." "Sergeant, those ten men you recruited topped the Navy and the Marines." "Ten?" "I thought there were five." "This way, men." "I had a little time on my hands, sir." "Good luck." "Best of luck." "Welcome." "We'll stretch you a few inches." "Welcome into the service" "of your country." "Good luck to you, boys." "Glad to have you aboard." "Good luck, fellas." "Where's Lonesome Sam?" "Uh, where's Lonesome Sam?" "Where's Lonesome...?" "Did you see Lone...?" "Where's Lonesome Sam?" "Did you see Lone...?" "ANNOUNCER:" "Also seen in tonight's cast were Hope Sansberry as Mrs. Hall," "Paul Lipson as Lonesome Sam," "Bob Cholly as Feldman," "George McIver as the marching rookie, and Tony Galento as Little Pete."