"Swannie." "Come over here." "Come to me." "Nice, Swan." "Come on." "Come to me, Mr. Swan." "You'll frighten it!" "Help!" "Help!" "Go get my parents." "Go!" "I've killed him." "I've killed him." "I kill... ohh." "Ohh." "Nathan!" "Oh Jesus." " Where's Claire?" " Call 911!" " I don't know what happened!" " Where is she?" " He came out of nowhere!" " Nathan..." "Do you think he can hear me?" "Where's Claire?" "Where is she?" "I'll look for her later!" "I was dead." "I mean," "I was really dead." "Really." "Tell me about it." "What's it like to be dead?" "I'd got loose." "It were as if I was getting out of my body." "My body was staying here, and I..." "I was flying." "You were floating?" "Yes." "I heard that dog, and a woman screaming." "They were around me, panicking and... then I heard that noise." "It was like a whistle." "A very, very loud whistle." "I saw... a light." "A light?" "Yes." "It was alive." "It was alive as if it were waiting for me." "I was in the light." "I felt good." " Didn't you want to come back?" " No." "But you did come back." "Yes." "Why did you come back?" "I just did." "Something made you come back." "Is there something you're holding back?" "Yes." "Hey, would you like to hear about Jesus Christ?" "Here you go." "Would you like to hear" "Excuse me, would you like to hear about Jesus Christ today?" "Like to hear about Jesus Christ?" " Okay." " Thank you very much, sir." "Would you like to hear about Jesus Christ?" "Have a great day." "Would you like to hear about Jesus Christ today?" "But what made him come back?" "Won't you answer?" "Nathan?" "... right turn." "It doesn't recover." "We're dropping the..." "Speed, 220 knots." "Wings lowered." "Flap up." "Flap up!" "Flap up!" "Power!" "Power!" "Oh, shit!" "No!" "Of the 45 passengers on board, nine belonged to the same family." "All from Haiti." "So?" "So they're afraid of getting fucked over by the Warsaw Convention." "I explained to them that doesn't exist here, but they're scared, even still." "They set up a committee." "I met their spokesman." "They gave me this." "What does the NTSB say about this?" "The NTSB isn't getting involved." "Neither is the FAA." "They've all washed their hands of it." "The airline is registered in the Virgin Islands, the tour operator in the Caymans." "The crew is from Russia." "They still don't know if the plane crashed in Haiti or the Dominican Republic." "Every day it's a different story." "But the plane was due to land here in the US?" "Seems like everyone forgot that." "The FAA isn't going to go poking its nose in." "Too much work, too much hassle, too much everything." "Nathan?" "I don't like the smell of it." "If the FAA won't get involved, that means a lawsuit like this could drag on for years." "That means hundreds of thousands of dollars." "And it means we can forget about the Hague Protocol." "I don't like it." "Excuse me, since when are we afraid of cases that drag on for years?" "These people are going to get fucked over on the pretext that no convention..." "It was the same shit in Unterlinguen." "In Kinshasa too." "A judge will show up with his calculator and say what?" ""All right, let's imagine some two-year-old kid" ""who has lost his mother." ""We'll say she'd have devoted how much of her time to him, per day?"" " Michael?" " Three hours, tops." "That's a good mother." "Up until the age of 18, which gives us three hours a day, times 365 days, times $8 an hour, plus the usual interest... that totals a little less than $100,000 at best." " And the plane wasn't even full." " See?" "How far will that get you?" "You can't even take your mistress on a weekend trip." "Nothing." "All right, fine." "But tomorrow morning, these people are going to be in my office." " What do you want me to tell them?" " Send them to me." "I'll explain everything." "They'll understand, don't worry." "Anything else?" "Your appointment is here." "Who is this guy?" "Remind me." "Joseph Kay." "Heads up a department at St. Louis." " I'm not sure what he wants." " Heads up a department?" "Something like that." ""Something like that."" ""I'm not sure what he wants."" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Why send him to me?" " You were recommended." " By who?" " Who upstairs?" " Ross." "I see." " Your daughter called." " Oh, yeah?" "She left you messages at home and..." "Yeah, I know." "I forgot." "She wanted to talk about the vacation." "She wanted to know, was it, "Like the usual?"" "This was my daughter who called or my wife?" "Your daughter." "Okay, I'll call her back." "Yes?" "All that glucose..." "Yes?" "Worries me." "I can examine you if you want." "I'm a doctor." "All right... what can I do for you, Dr. Kay?" "You work at St. Louis, right?" "I don't know if I'm the right..." "Nathan, I believe you have misunderstood me." "I'm very serious." "You mustn't take hypoglycemia lightly." "In fact, you shouldn't take any symptom lightly... ever." "You can't imagine the number of cells you burn up every day." "Of course, you'll tell me you're also manufacturing..." " I don't want to interrupt..." " But it's not so." "Neurons can't be replaced." "Some die every day." "Every day a few more." "All that glucose you're pumping in is just cheap energy." "Very bad for you, very bad for the neurons." "Thank you for your concern about my health, but I'm fine." "Now why don't you tell me what you want from me?" "That slight shaking in your hands, have you had that a long time?" "It's a morning thing, right?" "When you wake up?" "You work too much." "Sure." "Excuse me." "Oui, mon ange." "Yes, sweetheart, I know." "Yeah, yeah." "Daddy will call you back, but now I'm... wait, hang on." "Would you excuse me a second?" "Yeah?" "Uh-huh." "Honey, I can't talk to you now." "Rachel, check out that guy for me... now." "Of course you're coming for vacation." "Sure you are." "No, honey, I can't come get you." "We'll do just like last time, I..." "We'll see." "Okay, I'll call you back." "Love you." "Don't ever do this to me again." "Ever." "I've got a screwball in my office." "He may be a screwball, but he wasn't lying." "He's head of a department at St. Louis." "Ross didn't tell you anything else?" "No, nothing." "They say the swan sings only once, just before dying." "Yes, I know." "He senses he's going to die, so he sings." "It's not because of the pain." "On the contrary, he sings because he's glad." "He's glad to die." " The number of legends about swans..." " Dr. Kay." "They also say swans guide and keep company with the dead, to help them cross the threshold." "That's my favorite..." "a very old Celtic legend." " Yes, I know it." " You do?" " Yes, my wife told me about it." " Your wife told you about it?" "Right." "You mean your ex-wife?" "We all live in glass houses." "So I see." "Why don't you finally tell me what I can do for you?" "I believe I'm the one who can do something for you." "But you'll see for yourself." "Certain experiences can be very unsettling." "I'll see what, for God's sake?" "What experiences?" "I'm merely pointing out the need to be prepared." "Is that a threat?" "No, it's not a threat." "It's a message." "But I'm not quite sure you're ready to hear it." "How come you know so much about me?" "Did you have me checked out?" "Did you... was it Ross told you all that stuff?" ""The need to be prepared." What's that supposed to mean?" "I don't know this Ross person." "I've never met the guy." "And I think you know what I want from you." "I think you know very well." "Hello?" "It's me." "Claire, hello." "Yeah, I'm here." "Is Tracey there?" "Yeah, sure." "You want to talk to her?" "She called me today." "She wanted me to call back." "I know, she told me." "Um, Tracey's asleep." "She's in bed." "Already?" "Is she okay?" "What's wrong?" "She waited for you to call all day." "She's drawing things I don't understand and waking up at night." "No, she's not okay." "Is there anything I can do?" "Let's talk about this another time, okay?" "I'll tell her you called." "Okay." "Nathan." "Nathan!" "Nathan." "Listen, I came to apologize for this morning." "I was a little heavy-handed and I wanted to apologize." "I have something to show you not far from here." "Nathan, wait." "Listen." "I have something to show you," "I just don't know if you'll be able to handle it, that's all." "I'm fed up with your mysteries." "I'm tired." "Nathan, it'll take five minutes of your time, no more." "And then I'm out of here." "You'll never see me again." "I give you my word." " You give me your word?" " Yes." "I give you my word." "You know who I am, you know where I work, you're a lawyer." "If I do anything wrong, anything at all which..." "It wouldn't take you five minutes to blow my career out of the water." "Nathan, believe me, it's important." "You have to see it." "I swear." "It's important." "Come with me." "Five minutes." "10 minutes... no more." "And then..." "I'm gone." "You brought me here just to tell me this?" "What the hell does it mean?" "Or is that all part of the message?" "You come out with these little riddles of yours and expect me to..." "You see that guy, the kid in the orange jacket?" "Do you see him?" "Yeah, I see him." "So what?" "Name of Dennis." "10 years ago to this day, his father died here." "He was waiting for a train as he did every evening." "He had a good job, happy family." "And one evening, he'd had enough." "And when the express came by, he jumped." "Was he a friend of yours?" "And these last few days," "Dennis has come here every evening." " Every evening." " Do you ever answer a question?" "Look at him." " Why should I?" " Look at him." "Because in about two minutes," "Dennis there will be dead." "What the f..." "You're crazy." "Completely crazy." "You gotta take the Chambers Street Exit, right across the platform." "Look!" "He's got a gun!" "He's got a gun!" "He's got a gun!" "Listen, don't do it!" "Please, put the gun down!" "Is this your first time?" "You seem kind of young." "He's here to see Dr. Kay." " Okay." " He'll come get you in the day room." " This way?" " Mm-hmm." "I..." "I think what you're doing is wonderful." "You came to see him?" "He'll be here." "Just have to wait." "Come here." "Come here." "What's the matter?" "Something wrong?" "Myocardial metastases." "Cancer of the heart muscle." "Super rare, right?" "They wrote an article about me in a magazine." "It's in my room, if you want to see it." "Apparently, I could croak from one day to the next... from one minute to the next." " Jeremy." " Nathan." "What do you do, Nathan?" "I'm a lawyer." "Do you know if he's going to be long?" "The first doc I saw, you know what he called it?" ""Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy."" "Wow." "Can you believe that guy?" "You and me, we're gonna slap that that son-of-a-bitch with a lawsuit." "What do you say?" "Legally, that's not exactly my bag." "Jeremy, hello." " Up already?" " Yeah." " Happy birthday." " Yeah, thanks." "You've made a new friend." " Are you the new volunteer?" " He's a lawyer." "He and I are gonna throw a doctor's ass in the slammer." "Oh, well... see you later." "Bye." "You smell that stink?" "Like something's rotting?" "Behind the stink of detergent... can't you smell that?" "It reeks of death around here." "Why do you think she puts up with it?" "She had a kid who died." "That's why." "All of us in here are going out in body bags, and she knows that." "She thinks that when we see her little darling up there we'll tell him how mommy's doing." "And we'll take care of him." "Make sure he eats his dinner and goes to the potty up in Heaven." "Volunteer, my ass." "What about you?" "You got a message to send, too?" "Who you got up there, huh?" "I'm going soon, so make the most of it." "Some "dearly beloved?"" " Or maybe..." " Excuse me." "Hey!" "Hey, come back." "I didn't mean it like that." "I don't know how to die." "None of us know how to die." "But maybe... somewhere deep inside of us a part of us does know how." "Maybe it's not as terrible as it seems." "Try and rest." "You know, Nathan, the dying have taught me one thing... that you can look death in the face and go on living." "Our mission here is to keep them company." "Keep company with those about to die so that they can depart in peace." "Great, but what's it got to do with me?" "Me, my." "My little consciousness, my little comforts, my little life." "What about others, Nathan, do you ever think about them?" "And Dennis?" "Have you thought about Dennis?" "If you knew he was going to blow his brains out, why didn't you do something?" "Why didn't you try to listen to him?" "Who kept Dennis company so he'd "depart in peace?"" "Anyway, how did you know he was going to die?" "This time I want an answer, none of your..." " I saw it." " You saw it?" " Yes." " How did you see it?" "Was it written on his face?" " Yes." " Yes?" "Listen, I'm beat." "I didn't sleep last night because of you," " and I've got to be at work..." " Nathan, people who come here, they've already traveled a long road paved with suffering." "But they have had time to prepare themselves." "But often death comes... unexpectedly." "It can't be predicted." "Yes, I know, yes." "For instance, say you cross the street at the wrong moment, or the body just gives out..." "just like that." "Snap your fingers, you're dead." "We see that every day." "And those people never have time to untangle the knots." "They never have time to prepare themselves." "And so?" "And so... the role of the Messengers is to give those people too a chance to be reconciled." " "The Messengers?"" " Yes." "I don't understand." "There are people out there who know in advance that someone is going to die." "Let's say they..." ""got the message."" "And in those cases, their job is to help that person depart in peace... reconcile." " And you're one of these "Messengers?"" " Yes, I am." " You know who's going to die?" " Yes." " You see it?" " Yes, I see it." "And you help them depart in peace." "Nathan, I realize it may be hard to believe..." "But Dennis didn't depart in peace." " No." " Why?" "We don't always succeed." "Sometimes we get there too late." "No one has power over the hour of death." "No one." "I don't believe you." "Have it your way, Nathan." "But these things can still exist whether you believe in them or not." "I know when someone's going to die..." "I see it." "And I make every effort to prepare them for what's coming." "Well, I think I've heard enough for today." "What exactly are you trying to tell me?" "Are you trying to tell me I'm going to die soon?" "Is that it?" "I told you everything." "You know everything." "Go fuck yourself." "Hurry up." "Sam." "Sam, hurry up." "Bring that over." "Hurry up." "Breathe, breathe, breathe." "We need a neck brace and a splint." "Get that here." "Look straight into the light." "Don't move." "The smell of the ghosts." "Follow the smell of the ghosts and you'll find the flower." "What did you say, sweetheart?" "It's a cactus." "It makes a flower once a year, at midnight." "Only once." "At 12:00 noon, the flower dies, and it smells like ghosts." "The flower smells like ghosts?" "Yeah, but it's real nice." "Mommy says ghosts smell good." "The Night Blooming Cereus." "Yes, I remember." "Mommy told me about it too." "An Indian legend." "Honey, can I talk to Mommy?" "She says she'll call you back." "Tracey?" "Hello?" "I had everything checked out, everything... brain, heart, lungs, blood." "I got my urine tested, my saliva, my sperm... they tested everything and they found nothing." "Nothing at all." "There's the file." "Take a look." "A little hypoglycemia and nothing else." "Nothing else at all." "I'm very glad to hear that, Nathan." " I'm happy for you." " So as of this minute, you are out of my life." "No phone calls, no visits, nothing." "If I ever see you again here or any place at all, it'll mean the police..." "got it?" "May I show you something?" " No." " It's a photograph." "Anna Rachevsky." "Very cute." "Now leave." "From a Russian family." "That photograph was taken the day she arrived in New York." "I don't give a shit." "Not much money, father out of the picture." "She wanted to go to college, but the closest she ever got was working in the cafeteria at NYU." "Her boss treated her like an animal." "The students didn't even notice." "Except one." "He was a foreigner too... a Frenchman." "She welcomed the kindness he showed her." "But later, she was fired." "He lost touch with her." "End of story." "Anna Rachevsky, right." " Coming back?" " Yes." "She works at the Greenwind diner in Queens." "Late night shift." "Not very well paying." "She's had a child..." "a son." "You should stop by and see her." "I'm sure she would enjoy that very much." "I'll do that, maybe, yes." "Good." "What?" "Have you understood me?" "No." "What?" "What was it this time?" "What did you see?" "Tell me." "A blinking light?" "Some kind of Christmas tree that begins to..." "No, actually, Nathan, it's a bright white light that surrounds the person." "But that's not the most important thing." "What's the most important thing?" "The most important thing is suddenly you'll just know." "You'll know she's going to die." "Nathan?" "What are you doing here?" "Doing?" "Well, I..." "I'm just here." "You're as handsome as ever." "Well?" "What?" "No, I just... actually I was passing through." "You doing okay?" "You were passing through here?" "Yes, I was going back to the city." "I was in Queens and I was going home." "I was dying for a cup of coffee, and here I am." "You go heavy on the sugar, huh?" "Yes." "You're looking well." " What?" " I said you're looking well." "How's your health?" "Okay?" "You look like you're in fine health." "Yes, fine." "It's strange for me, seeing you again." "Excuse me." " Are you married?" " Divorced." "Oh." "I never had the time." "He walked out before marrying me." "He still found the time to knock me up first though." "A good thing too, you might say." "A little boy." " What's this?" " It's for you." "These are my numbers." "This one... is the direct line to Rachel, my assistant, and that's my cell phone." "And don't hesitate to... if you need me for anything, if anything should come up, call me." "Okay?" "If anything comes up, I call you." "Okay." "And what could possibly come up?" " How old is your daughter?" " Seven." "Do you speak French with her?" " No, not much." " You should." "I know." "Look at me, I hardly speak Russian anymore." "But when my father came back, he talked and talked." "He wouldn't stop talking." " Did I tell you my father came back?" " No." "You know, we didn't hear from him in years." " From your father?" " Yes." "He disappeared into air." "But then two weeks ago we got a letter." "And in this letter there was a picture of him and his phone number and address." "He was driving a cab in Toronto." "And on the very same day, he got a letter too." "And in it was a picture of me and my phone number, and a round trip ticket to New York." "See?" "So for the past two weeks I believe in miracles." " And the letters were?" " We don't know who sent them." "We tried, but we never found out." "A Dr. Kay..." "at St. Louis Hospital, does it ring a bell?" "Fuck Ocean City," "Here's a long one." ""Dear, Jeremy," "I turn 17 today too."" "Oh, his mother's the one..." "Who asked you?" "Huh?" ""We don't know each other and you may think this is weird, but ever since I heard your story on the radio," "I think about you often."" ""I wish you a very, very happy birthday." "Write me if you want." "Love, Jennifer."" "Right, yeah." "I love you too." "Next time, send me a snapshot of your cute ass, Jennifer." "Bye, bye." "Happy birthday." "Oh, a baby Jesus." "Great." "Jeremy." " "Dear Jeremy, blah blah blah."" " Jeremy." ""...with our hope you'll be able to leave the hospital very soon."" "Jeremy, can you look at me?" "Asshole, I'm going to die in this hospital!" "That's why I'm here, don't you fucking get it?" "Jeremy, what's going on?" "What's going on is that my dumbass mother went on the radio to tell the world that her poor little kid was having a birthday soon and the poor angel was dying of a very serious and rare disease." "And then dozens of assholes I don't even know, they're just writing me to wish me a happy birthday, and... fuck." "Fuck." "Goddamn it, why did this have to happen to me?" "I'm 17." "I'm 17 fucking years old, I don't understand." "Jeremy, you shouldn't talk like that." "Oh, really?" "So what," "I should just sit here with my mouth shut?" "You know what my mom said when I told her I was gonna die?" "She just looked at me and she was like," ""Oh, no, Jeremy, I forbid you to say such a thing."" "Well, I'm gonna die." "I know I'm gonna die." "And how does that make you feel, Jeremy, knowing you're going to die?" "I think about all the good shit I'm gonna miss out on." "And that makes you angry." "Yeah." "And also I just..." "I don't know." "I want people to see me like I normally am." "You know?" "I want people to listen to me." "I just want someone to listen." "I agreed to see you because..." "I agreed to see you because... you've got a solid case." "I'm sorry, I don't understand." "I don't speak Creole." "She says she lost both of her sons in the accident." "She says she knows you can help us." " She says..." " Madame, please." "...she's praying for you." "She also said you have a big heart." " Tell her she's wrong." " She can see it." " She's wrong!" " If you refuse to defend us, the other lawyers will find out, and they will refuse too." " All of them." " Please, sir, do something for us." "No." "No, that's not true." "Okay." "But you've got a solid case." "Okay." "Pass it, pass it." " Alonzo!" " Take it home!" ""He asked whether the man" ""When he heard he was under Herod's jurisdiction," ""he sent him off to Herod, who was himself in Jerusalem at that time. "" ""When Herod saw Jesus," ""he was very glad," ""for he had been wanting to see him for a long time." ""Because he had heard about him" ""and was hoping to see Jesus perform some sign." ""Herod questioned him at some length, but Jesus gave him no answer. "" "You know, she came" "She told me again what a wonderful husband you were." "Up there, she sees everything you do for me." "The Blessed Virgin was here too, you know." "Oh?" "The Blessed Virgin was here?" "Yeah." "She watched us through the window." "You see, there on the buffet... that's her hand." "She left that there for us to let us know she's thinking about us." "That's your wife's hand." "You could kiss it, you know." "No." "Please." "It's not a mother's job to bury a daughter." "No, it isn't." "But you have to let the dead lay with the dead." "You have to." "I saw Anna." "She said she'd never heard of you." "But the picture, the plane ticket..." "I know it was you." "What's your game?" "Why are you toying with these people?" "I simply did what I had to do." "The father found his daughter again, and the daughter, her father." "Anna's still going to die." "But hopefully she'll die more at peace with herself." "It's not a game." "But if she's going to die, protect her, do something!" "There's nothing else I can do." "I told you, no one has power over the hour of death." "Anna!" " I think it's for you!" " Who is it?" "I think it's Mr. Handsome." "Who is it?" " Nathan?" " Hi." " What are you doing here?" " Am I disturbing you?" "No, of course not." "Come in, come in!" "My cousin had a baby this morning and we're celebrating his birth." "You must have passed Micha." "He's the daddy." "He just went out with Ivan, my brother." "And this is Marina, Stephanie." "You've met Judy, my sister-in-law." "Come on, I'll introduce you to my mother." "Mama." "This is Nathan, a good friend of mine." "Nice to meet you." "It's okay." "It's okay." "I'll handle it!" "We're wired to the building next door." "Maybe they cut something off." "Hey, look who's here!" "This is my pride and joy." "This is him!" "Papa, this is Nathan." " Hi." " Glad to meet you." "We met when I was working at the university." "Excuse me, the light doesn't work." "Anna, wait, you shouldn't touch that." "I've seen Ivan do it." "It couldn't be so complicated." "Stop, please." "It's dangerous." "We cannot just stay in the dark, can we?" "Listen to me, I'm serious." "You have no idea how many people..." "No." "Hold this for me!" "Hold this!" "Just a second." "Okay." "Here." "Ahh." "You see?" "It works now." "Anna, I have to tell you..." "No, please." "Fine." "Okay." "You're right." "We'll take care of it later." "Let's have a drink." "I had a check-up recently..." " A what?" " A check-up." "Oh." "And I said to myself... let's say, maybe it would be a good idea if you did too." "Had one." "A check-up." "Me?" "Why?" "You never know." "If you want, I got the address..." "You want to marry me, but first you want to make sure" "I'm the picture of health." "is that it?" "I was kidding." "Have you ever tasted Georgian vodka?" "No." "Will you think about it?" "What, marrying you?" "If you take me to Paris, no problem." "Really, I'm fine." "I swear." "I can't see why you're so worried." "Your health." "Ivan?" "Just a moment." "Ivan." "Papa, don't touch that." "Papa!" "I have a right to it, my son has a right, so does my father." " No." " Listen, he worked all his life and now he's up there and he needs care, so don't tell me there's nothing you can do." "You're going to treat him..." "If you will kindly listen, I will explain to you..." "I'm going to stay at his side as long as he needs me." "No, I will not kindly listen." "Excuse me, can I see your supervisor?" "I'm the person in charge." "Everything's fine." "It's okay." "Your father is a Canadian citizen and the program only applies to American residents." "He is insured in Canada." "He has insurance." " Oh?" " Yes." "In that case, he's sure to be covered." "In the meantime, for us, it makes no difference." " If it's a deposit you need..." " It's all right, don't worry." " For you it makes no difference?" " No." "It makes no difference." "Fine." "You go tell him." "You go up and tell him yourself." "He's an adult, you're an adult." " Mrs. Rachevsky?" " Just a second!" "So you go up and tell him he left Russia for this." "That he came and find his children in America all for this!" " Mrs. Rachevsky." " What?" "What?" "I'm sorry." "What?" ""No one has power over the hour of death," you remember?" "Bullshit." "Pure bullshit." "I saved Anna." "I got there in time and prevented her from touching that goddamn circuit box and she didn't die." "It was her father who died." "Not Anna..." "her father, asshole." "Nathan, calm down." "What kind of game are you playing with us, huh?" "You bring the father and daughter together and send me over there." "You knew I'd go there." "You knew full well." "You send me over there just so I'll watch her die?" "Is that it, motherfucker?" " Listen to me..." " You think you're God, but you're nothing but a fucking pervert and a shitty doctor." "It's like that at your hospital too, isn't it?" "You watch your patients die one after another." "That's how you get your kicks, how you get your..." "Nathan, tell me what happened." "Tell me." "It was her father who died." "That's what happened." "Anna is fine." "Anna isn't going to die, and neither am I. And there's no, like, light or halo or shit!" "Is he still asleep?" "Sounds like it." "Nathan." "Nathan!" "Claire?" "You okay?" " Claire?" " Thank you for calling 911." "All of our operators are busy." "He told us everything was fine." "Who was that?" "His pediatrician..." "last week." "We saw him 10 days ago." "Nine." "Nine days ago." "He examined Paul and told us everything was fine." "He said Paul was fit and healthy." "He was probably right." "But now my son is dead." "Yes." "My son is dead, and you're telling me the guy who examined him and said he was fine... you're telling me this guy was probably right?" "It's probable..." "indeed very probable... that Paul was a victim of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome." "It's the most mysterious cause of death." "The most mysterious, the most arbitrary... and the most cruel." "You're angry and that's normal." "Let's leave my anger out of this." "Someone didn't do his job and an innocent child is dead." "That's the reality." "There is no mystery." "An inexplicable death?" "I don't know what that means." "It doesn't exist." "It's just a way to cover up someone's incompetence." "I see it every day." "If you would like, there is a procedure..." "Perhaps the only one that allows us to rule out the most common hypothesis." "Out of the question." "You can take some time and think about it." "No." "No autopsy." "Out of the question." "I forbid you to touch my son." "Why some are victims, why others are not is..." ""Dear Jennifer," ""I'd like to talk to you about these long nights when I'm alone." ""About the nighttime crossings..." ""desert crossings filled with ghosts." ""And about these hearts I hear" ""beating deep inside all these rooms..." ""deep inside all these bodies," ""these hearts that want to go on beating and don't give up." ""They say life is worth living, and they want more of it." "My heart hasn't given up either. "" "I know it's hard for you." "I know what all this has cost you, what a stay in a hospital costs..." "And I know that with your night job you..." "No, Nathan." "It's kind of you." "I'd just like to help." "It's not much, but at least you wouldn't have to worry about money." "That's all." "I can do that, at least." "No." ""Here, they all believe in God." ""But me," ""I believe in this beating heart of mine" ""and this pulsing in my veins." ""I believe in this force inside of me." ""If you come to see me, I'll tell you about my life here," ""about those times the fear rises up and lifts you so high..." ""...it makes you feel dizzy." ""Hopelessness too." ""You go through these moments" ""and think you're gone, and you tremble." ""But sometimes..." ""yes, sometimes..." "you discover within yourself" ""an unsuspected strength." ""You'll see all this strength..." ""you will..." "if you come to see me." ""I know I'm gonna die soon." ""And I know I'm here to learn something." ""When I've learned what I've come to learn," ""I'll go." "I know that." ""But in my head," "I can't imagine that life comes to an end. "" "Hi, Nathan, this is Anna." "Am I bothering you?" "No, not at all." "How are you?" "I, um..." "I've been thinking about your offer and I think I'm going to accept it." "Good." "I'll call my bank right away." " Okay?" " Yes." "I didn't understand you, angel." "What did you say?" "There was a storm last night." "Really?" "Yeah." " Well, what was it like?" " I saw lightning." "Honey, I can't stay on the phone too long." " Daddy?" " Yes." "I don't want to go on the plane by myself." "Why, honey?" "What's wrong?" "I want you to come and get me." "You won't be alone." "There will be somebody to keep you company." "That's the way we've always done it." " But I'm scared." " You're scared?" "What are you scared of, sweetie?" "There's no reason..." "I'm scared of taking the plane by myself." "I'm scared of storms." " I'm scared of lightning." " Do It." " Daddy?" " Yes?" "I want you to come and get me." "Sir, want to come with me please?" " What for?" " Sir, please." " Get the fuck away from me, okay?" " Honey, I have to go." " Honey." "Honey." "I'll call you back." " Leave me alone, all right?" " Not yet." " Sir, you need to come with me..." "Or what?" "Asshole, what are you going to do now?" "What now?" "All you get down!" "Anna, can you hear me?" "Anna." "Anna." " Are you okay?" " Call someone." "Call someone." "Anna." "Hello?" "It's Anna." "I know." "Listen, where are you?" "I'll call come and pick you up." " No." " Tell me where you are... please." "How much time do I have left?" "Tell me when." "Nathan, the time you have left is your own." "Tell me how long." "Just tell me." "I don't know." "Don't give me that." "You knew for the others." "So tell me when." "All I can do is help." "Nathan, tell me where you are." "May I come in?" "I went to see them... the Rachevskys." "I wanted to tell them she died because of me." "If I hadn't taken her to that bank, she'd still be here with us." "Her son would still have a mother." "But I didn't even have that much courage." "Do you remember when you called me from the hospital that day?" "You said you'd saved her?" "You were wrong." "Today you say you killed her, you're still wrong." "With or without you, Anna would've died." "In her father's place, or a couple of hours later falling down a flight of stairs." "No one knows." " No one can know." " I don't want to die." " Nathan..." " I don't want to die." "I'll say it again." "No one has power over the hour of death." "Hello?" "It's me." "I want you to come and see me." "I want you to come right away..." "both of you." "What's going on?" "It's nothing." "You must come..." "both of you." " Nathan, what's the matter?" " Nothing." " You can tell me." " Yeah, sure." "I'll be okay." "I just wanted to see you." "I'm sorry, I'll call you later." "You gonna be okay?" "Yeah." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, sure." "I'm sorry." "Paul was dead and..." "I just screamed at her... as if she was to blame." "You never talked to her about it afterwards?" "No." "She was right to leave." "They're both happy." "That's good." "She always had a mind of her own." "Yes." "Always." "And I love it." "I remember a little girl when I was an intern." "She came to the hospital everyday to visit her best friend." "She'd very nearly drowned in a lake." "And her friend had run off to get help and there was an accident." "They'd only just met on vacation." "They didn't even speak the same language." "Yet they were inseparable." "There was such a bond between them." "A strong bond." "And she came every day." "Every day." "She'd hold your hand." "She had made up her mind that she wasn't going to leave your side." "And she didn't." "Why are you telling me this now?" "Why only now?" "I've been here." "I haven't hidden anything from you." "I've been right here in front of you the whole time." "All you had to do was open your eyes." "It was you who questioned me when I came out of the coma." "You were the only one who believed me." "Yes." "Kay, where are you?" "Nathan, it's Rachel." "Everybody here is looking for you." "Where are you?" "I left six messages on your cell phone." " Will you call me?" " Kay?" "Where are you?" "What's wrong with me?" "First of all, don't panic." "There's a clinic at the northeast corner of 44th and Lexington." "They'll give you a shot of glucagon." " Lexington and what?" " 44th." "It's okay, Nathan." "I'm here." "You're asking me where we go after we die?" "Nathan, knowing whether there is an afterlife is not the point." "The important thing is being alive before you die." "Today, now." "Fully alive." "The wonder of life is in the here and now." "We always find out too late." "I've got to go get my daughter, and I'm frightened for her." "So you're going to come with me." "You're going to come with us." "This white light, you haven't seen it on yourself yet, right?" " No." " Good." "That means if you're on the plane with us nothing will happen." "I don't want to put Tracey in danger." "Is it him or her?" "This light, what's it like exactly?" "I told you." "It's like a white halo shining from the person." "And you see it all the time?" "No, you only see it once, and then... but that's not what's important." "I know, I know." "So who is he anyway?" " A doctor." " You work together?" "Not really." "It's kinda complicated." "He's a friend of yours?" "Why is he here?" "Just traveling with me." " I didn't want to travel alone." " Like Tracey." "Yeah." "Like Tracey, yeah." "It's happening tonight?" "Maybe." "I hope so." "You can never know in advance." "You know why I came?" "The real reason." "You came because you promised her you would." "You came because you love your daughter." " Don't you?" " Of course I do." "But there's something else." "Naturally." "Look, Nathan," "I have a life here and I'm trying to build something solid with Tracey..." "Wait, listen!" "I think I know what you're trying to tell me and I think that we can avoid this sort of..." "Unpleasantness?" "You know exactly what I mean." "I want you to come with me." "I want the three of us to go back to New York." "I want you to come home." "Avoid just that sort of thing." "Tracey, don't look." "You go back alone." "I'm staying here." "I want to stay here." " With Tracey?" " Yes, with Tracey, yes." " You still need me." " No." "I don't know." "I'm staying, that's all." "Is there something I should know?" "Something you haven't told me?" "I'm going to miss my plane." "Honey, do you know how to use it?" "Huh?" "Press here." "Yes, that's it." "Good." " Daddy?" " Yes." "The people we saw a while ago..." " Yes?" " The ones in the accident." " Yes?" " The ones who died." " Yes." " Will they have crosses too?" "I don't know." "Maybe." "But they're not buried under them, right?" "Who?" "Oh, no." "But Paul, he's buried under one, right?" "Yes, honey." "Listen, honey, if anything ever happens to me, if I get to feel sick or, I don't know... what do you do?" " I call Mommy." " You call Mommy." "Good, right." "And who else, if Mommy isn't there?" "If you have to call for help, what do you do?" " I scream." " You scream?" "Honey, I'm serious." "What do you do?" "I cry?" "I know, relax." "I press here." "You already showed me." "Okay." "Honey, you remember when... when Paul died?" "Do you remember?" "Well, when he died..." "I found a garden slug." "I remember." "I remember you asked a lot of questions." "Lots and lots of questions." "Like what?" "You asked us where he was." "We told you, "Paul is in heaven." "In heaven with the angels."" "And you asked us if you could go see him." "You wanted to go see him." "And I don't know if we always said the right thing." " It isn't true?" " What isn't true?" "That Paul's in heaven?" "He could be." "Maybe." "But to tell you the truth, nobody really knows." "Nobody can know." " It's something that..." " I know." "You do?" "When we die they put us into the ground... and slugs eat us, of course, and then we disappear." "And then we don't exist any more." "Nobody can be sure of that either." "But you know, I believe one thing." " Want me to tell you?" " Mm-hmm." "I think just because we die doesn't mean we don't exist anymore." "Maybe we exist someplace else." "And you know why I think that?" "When you see a boat vanish... have you ever seen a boat vanish on the horizon?" "When a boat disappears in the distance, it vanishes, but does that mean it doesn't exist anymore?" "No." "Right." "I believe dying is like that." "It's like a boat vanishing on the horizon." "Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist." " Can we talk?" " Why did you come back?" "We didn't want to fly." "Tracey and I were too scared to take the plane." "Besides, I'm in no hurry to get home." "So what do you plan to do?" "Here?" "I don't know." "Hang out." "Spend some time with Tracey." "Go for walks." "You could maybe point out some places to go." " Tracey told me you two..." " Places to go?" "Nathan, what's the matter with you?" " Nothing." " What do you mean, nothing?" "You call me in the middle of the night as if..." "I don't know." "Then you show up two days early with this strange guy, and you come out with these remarks." "Now you're talking about going for walks?" "What's going on?" "You have troubles at the firm, is that it?" "No, not really." "Then what?" "Are you sick?" "No, not that I'm aware of." "Not that you're aware of?" "No." "Just a little hypoglycemia." "When does it happen?" "Two hours from now, maybe sooner." "We had ice cream last night, and we talked about Paul." "On the road we saw some crosses, and afterwards she wanted to... does she talk to you about it?" "Not so much these days." "But is she all right?" "The last time on the phone when I called," " she was already asleep..." " She wasn't asleep." "She wasn't asleep?" " No." " Can't you take a break?" "Five minutes." "Nathan, in one hour this flower will be dead." "It blooms one night a year, just the once," " and I still have..." " Yes, I know that, but... sorry." "When we went home to New York... do you remember the first thing you did?" "The first." "You called the office." "You wanted to know if anyone had called." "We'd just buried Paul, and you disappeared into your work." "You shut yourself off in your anger." "But Tracey and I were still there." "We were alive." "I know you felt guilty." "I know that you blamed yourself because you heard him cry and you didn't go check on him." " He called me." " No." "Paul cried and he went back to sleep, and even if..." "He called me, but I didn't go to him." "Nathan, Paul didn't call anyone." "Paul's dead." "I've accepted that and so has Tracey." "She's accepted it in her own little way." "And now you... you need to accept it too." " I'm ready." " You need to stop..." "I don't know." "I don't know, Nathan." "I don't know what to tell you." "I'm ready." "I came back to tell you." "And if anything ever happens to me..." "Why do you say that?" "I wanted you to know that I've changed." "I know a river not far from here." "If you want, I could show you how to get there." "Yeah." "I'd like that." "A pretty river." "Right." " Not very far?" " No." "Forgive me." "Hi, this is Rachel calling from Nathan's office." "I'm sorry to bother you, but... he's not at home and hasn't been by the office in several days." "We can't reach him on his cell phone either." "We're worried and thought maybe you'd heard from him." "Could you please call us if you've got any news?" "They're looking for you." "Yes, I know." ""Someone once told me," ""'The wonder of life is in the here and now. '" ""I'm going to die soon." ""And yet, I'm no longer dominated by fear." ""Life is full of riches..." ""the gestures, the laughter," ""the joy we shared." ""I remember it all." ""I remember your breathing too," ""when you slept in the car." ""Mommy's face when she saw us." ""We did a lot of things together." "Lots and lots of things. "" ""I've learned a lot." "I've met some wonderful people. "" "Hi, I-I'm Jennifer." ""Cherish your happiness." ""Savor it at every instant." ""And above all," ""don't get upset if you think of me." ""Don't be sad." ""And one day, if you want to talk to me..." ""if you really want to..." ""pick a spot you like." ""A spot where we used to go together." ""You'll be able to talk to me... you'll see." ""Because I'll be there." ""And remember," ""don't be ashamed to tell people you care about" ""that you love them." "I love you both very much. "" "Did you sleep well?" "Yes." "Want me to make you a fresh pot?" "No, it's okay." "I need to see you." "You've got to get out here." "I need to see you now, understand?" " I'm here." " Take the first flight..." "I'm here." "I'm here with you." "What do you mean here?" "On the road to the airport..." "the Crossroads Motel." "I'm here." "I'll wait for you here." "You lied to me from the start." "No." "You said it was me." "You said so." "You said I was the one who was going to die." "So what did I see?" "Tell me." "I was the one who was supposed to die." "It was supposed to be me!" "You said so!" "No." "Nathan?" "Tracey, have you seen daddy?" "No." "I'm a Messenger, right?" "Yes." "And my wife is going to die." "Yes." "Why didn't you tell me when you came to see me the first time instead of being so mysterious." "The swan's song and all that bullshit." "You wouldn't have believed me." "You never would have believed me." "I was trying to prepare you." "Prepare me for what?" "You're a Messenger." "A teacher of life." "But to be a teacher of life you have to remember your own mortality." " You have to." " But why does she have to die?" "Why her?" "All Messengers lose the person closest to them." "That's the price..." "the price of grace." "I paid the same price." "But in time, you'll know that you were there until the very end." "Through the very end." "That's the price of becoming a Messenger." "But I never asked for this." "Nobody ever gave me a choice." "You made your choice, Nathan." "You made your choice when you decided to come back after you had died on that road." "And you came back." "And now you know why." "What brought you back?" "A face." "Whose face?" "Claire's face." "She was afraid." "She needed me." "Where were you?" "I got lost." "We were waiting for you." "I got lost." "We thought that you'd left us... that you'd..." " We were worried." " I know." "But don't be scared." "I'm here now." "I'll never leave you again." "I'm here." "Subtitles by LeapinLar"