"Tad?" "Is that you?" "You're early." "Time to kiss your sweet ass goodbye, cupcake." "Seriously, several people told me that my scene... is really the only one that's even remotely scary." "Becky, you make a major impact in this movie." "Somebody even said that Angelica's scene, it wasn't even scary at all." "Like, it was funny, and not in a good way." "We have to make sure you don't get pigeon-holed now... which is why I think you shouldn't show your tits anymore." "What a piece of shit!" "I know, it makes fucking Blair Witch 2 look like Titanic." "It's just so fucking gratuitous!" "I think that what makes this movie different... is that the violence isn't so gratuitous." "It's more like the whole movie is about... the whole psychological nature of fear." "I totally maxed out his Visa card paying for it." "Then somebody in Joe Roth's office saw it and said it was genius." "And now we have three meetings." "Seriously, you could write it." "I've read your poetry and it's really good." "I think I should direct it, too." "Yeah, and we should have this really hot sex scene, all gritty and real." "You know, like, European." "I'm not showing my ass." "My manager says I need to stop showing my ass." "You have a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe." "Shut up!" "Where?" " Honey, it's not working." " What?" "No, no." "It's not gonna happen for me." "It's not." "It's not gonna happen for me." "I'm sorry." " What's wrong?" " Nothing." "Don't take it personally." "Don't make this about me." "What?" "Am I not allowed to not have sex for once?" "Is that what our relationship is now?" "Wait a minute." "You woke me up by going down on me." "I don't know what's wrong with me." "Maybe that car accident we had... gave me some weird, Oliver-Sacks-blow-to-the-head disease." "Sorry." "My whole life seems like a bad dream." "It's like somebody else's life." "Like, if my life were a movie, I'd fall asleep or I'd walk out." " You still not seeing any clients?" " I can't." "I can't face it." "You know... sometimes you just got to force yourself to be active." " When you're, you know..." " Like what?" "When you're what?" "You think I'm depressed?" " Are you?" " Yeah." "Doesn't mean I wanna talk about it." "Okay." "This is my sister-in-law, Angie." " Angelica." " It's nice to meet you." "Likewise." "And this is Brody Farrell." " Are you the next of kin?" " No." "Becky's parents died when she was two." "She was raised by her grandmother, who also died." "She didn't really have anybody, except us." " I see." "Can I ask who will be..." " The cast of the movie." "We're all pitching in to pay for it." "We're going to need one person to be designated as the..." " Brody will do that." " Yeah." "She was sort of my girlfriend." "Do you know what kind of service you'd like?" "Cheap." "We provide a variety of services for the more budget-conscious client." " Sorry." "Just let me turn this off." " Take it." "I can handle it." "Please excuse me." " David Fisher." " Hi, David." "It's Kevin Miller." "You answered my personal ad in the LA Weekly." "I'm the fireman." "Yes, hi." "Of course." "We can start with the most simple of traditional funerals... which would include our American Eagle casket here." "I don't think we should bury her." "Becky was totally terrified of the dark." "We can still have a viewing... during which the casket will never be closed, followed by a cremation." "That's good." "And then we could scatter her ashes some place she really liked." "Like Griffith Park, or the Lava Lounge on La Brea." "I mean, I think we can skip the casket." "You sound like a really nice guy, too." "I am a really nice guy." "So, do you want to meet for coffee later this afternoon?" "This afternoon?" "Sure." "I have something at 3:00, but I can meet you after that." "Great, let's say at 4.00, at the Up All Night Coffee House." "I'll be wearing a red baseball cap." "Great, I love red." "It's one of my favorite colors..." " of which I have several." " Okay, see you then." "This is a beautiful and unusual cremains vessel." "The ashes actually fill these dolphins, which are carved out inside." "She wasn't really into dolphins." "I remember somebody suggesting she boycott tuna... because of the whole dolphins-getting-caught-in-the-net thing." "And she said:" ""Fuck dolphins." "I want a Nicoise salad."" " What are these?" " Those are keepsake miniature urns." "Sort of like lockets, if you will." "So everybody can get a piece of her." "Yes, it's an old custom from Thailand." " Becky loved Thai food." " So what did I miss?" "I'm sorry I'm late." "Why weren't you at school today?" "I was in school today." "I just wasn't in American History." "I mean, who needs to know that shit anyways, right?" "Somebody who wants to have a concept of how the world works... so they can have a fucking chance in life." "What crawled up your ass?" "It's all lies anyways." "Where were you?" "Andy and I skipped out after lunch." "We went to the car museum." "Did you get high?" "I'm 18 years old, living in fucking California." "I'm not allowed to get high?" "I'm worried about you, Gabe." "In case you don't remember, I have good reason to be." "I'm sorry, okay?" "But you don't have to worry about me, I swear." "Just please don't lie to me." "I'm not." "I'm okay... and I'm gonna stay okay... as long as I have you." "Let's take a look at your test results." "Well, I have some very good news." "You tested negative for the HIV antibody." "Thank God." "You need to be tested again in six months, just to be safe." "Let's see, negative for chlamydia, all hepatitises, syphilis." "Positive for gonorrhea." " What?" " Yeah." "Have you had any pain or difficulty urinating?" " No." " Any penile or anal discharge?" "No." "Gonorrhea can be completely asymptomatic... but if it's left untreated, it can lead to severe problems down the line." "I'm gonna give you some Cipro." "It usually knocks it right out." "Well, this is certainly embarrassing." "Did you engage in unprotected sex?" "Yes." "Bad boy." " How was school?" " Dull and depressing." "What are you reading?" "Now That You Know." "Now that you know what?" "That David is gay." "I take it you knew already." "How do you feel about it?" "Are you hurt?" "Angry?" " Do you wish he wasn't gay?" " No." "Those are all valid feelings, you know." "I don't care if he's gay, just as long as he's happy." "According to this book... we should all be very open to how we feel... and we should try to express those feelings... because the foundation of intimacy is truth." "Okay." "Have you ever had any feelings of same-sex attraction?" "What?" "No, Mom." " It's nothing to be ashamed of." " I know." "When I was your age..." "I actually had a little crush on Jane Fonda." "She's single again, so now's your chance." "I just never got into that whole promiscuous thing, you know." "First guy I had sex with..." "I ended up in a relationship with for four years." "One-man kind of guy." "Always have been." "What about you?" "Definitely." "Sex just for the sake of having sex, what is that?" "Don't get me wrong." "I love sex." "I'm a very sexual being." "I just think it's better when there's something emotional going on behind it." "I credit my parents for that." "My mom and dad have been together for almost 40 years." "They're still hot for each other." "And they've never been anything but 100% supportive of me." "Wow." "I gotta get to work." "Listen, it's been great meeting you." "This was fun." "Would you like to do it again?" "I don't think so." "You seem like a really nice guy, but I gotta be honest." "I didn't feel much of a spark." "Can't make it happen if it's not there, right?" "It definitely looks like AVM." "Fuck." "So now what?" "Well, that depends." "Remind me what your symptoms have been." " Headaches." " All the time?" "No, just occasionally." "Mostly on the left side of my head." "Any seizures?" "Impairment of vision?" "Sense of smell?" "Once I had a flutter, just on the edge of my vision." "I'm as blind as a bat." "Once I woke up, I could see perfectly out of my left eye." "Lasted for a day and then it went away." "Who knows what the hell that was?" "So what next?" "Well, let's see." "It's in a not overly-eloquent brain area." " You left-handed?" " No." " That's not good." " Why not?" "And it's a little larger than I'd like it to be." "Yeah, it's a little larger than I'd like it to be." "Okay." "You want options, I'll give you the big three:" "Cranial surgery." "Not a picnic." "Embolization." "Closing off the blood vessels by injecting glue into them." "Sometimes we use platinum coils instead." "And finally, radial surgery." "Focused radiation." "Die, you little motherfucker!" "If I'd never been in a car accident and gotten a routine x-ray of my skull... this would've never even come up, right?" "Until something happened." "It's possible that I could go my entire life without it ever creating a problem." " Anything's possible." " Do you think I need surgery?" "I can't really say, without more tests." "I think you might benefit from embolization." "However, anytime you close off the large arteries going into an AVM... the smaller blood vessels feeding it tend to increase in size." "Okay, so it doesn't really work." " There's only so much we can do." " Oh, God!" "Fuck!" "Fine." "You know what?" "Just don't do anything, okay?" "I'm going to put this all out of my head, no pun intended, and just get on with life." "I'm not sure..." "I don't give a fuck what you think, you arrogant piece of shit." "Okay, even if we decide not to do anything at this juncture..." "There's no "we." I decide." "I'd still like to get another MRI on you in 12 months." "And I'd like a fucking straight answer, asshole." "It's kind of ironic." "You don't smoke, you run every day, eat all that healthy crap." "Shut up!" "Now me, I smoked, I drank, I ate any old thing I wanted." "And I inhaled embalming fluid for God knows how long." "You know what?" "If it wasn't for that bus, I'd have lived to be 93." "It's the first time I've driven since then." "You may want to fasten your seatbelt." "Well, who's the dead man in this car?" "It's not me!" "Fuck you!" "We thank you, Heavenly Father... for this and all thy blessings in Christ's name." "Amen." "Amen." "I've invited Nikolai to dinner Sunday night." "I'd like you all to be there." "Nikolai the flower guy?" "Yes, he and I are having a sexual relationship now." "I'm not sure if it's something that's going to last, but there it is." "We're all adults." "We're all sexual beings." "We should acknowledge that." "Okay." "Nate, I'd like you to invite Brenda." "Claire, I'd like you to invite Gabriel Dimas." "And, David, if you have a special friend, I'd like for him to come, as well." "Why is my friend special?" "All right." "If you're having sex with anyone, I'd like to meet him." "Is that better?" "Not really." "Stop acting like children!" " Where are you going?" " I'm just getting an aspirin." "Do you have a headache?" "No, I read you should take an aspirin a day." "It keeps the blood thin." "Please, if our blood were any thinner, we'd evaporate." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Is that some sort of insult?" "We're thin-blooded?" "Mom, no, it was a joke." "I'm more thin-blooded than any of us, probably." "Are you seeing anyone?" "No." "Why not?" "Sex is an important and healthy part of life." "It's nothing to be ashamed of." "Yes, I know that." "Unfortunately, I'm not having any right now." "What happened to that cop... the black man?" "He met someone else." "Thank you." "You don't have any free time tomorrow?" " I don't think so." " I'd really like to see you." "I have three shiatsu appointments." "You're the one that wanted me to get on with my life." "You can still come Sunday night for dinner, right?" "Even if just for the entertainment value." "It's bound to be a freak fest." "I think so." "Maybe." " I miss you." " You just saw me." "I know, I just... would really like to be with you at this moment in time." " Right now." " I'll see you soon." "Sunday, okay?" "I love you." "I love you, too." " Hey, Rico." " Hey, boss man." "I've got a favor to ask you." "Okay." "Could you please drop her off at the crematorium for me tonight?" "Come on, man." "Vanessa's just a bit overwhelmed at home." "Julio's got a cold and Augusto hasn't slept through the night for a month." "No, I can't." "I'm sorry, Rico, but I can't." "Okay." "Can you at least help me put her inside the box?" "Sure." "So, cardboard box?" "Classy." "She obviously didn't think her life was worth anything, so it makes sense to me." "On three." "One, two, three." "It's kind of sad." "It's not." "She threw her fucking life away." "It's not sad." "It's pathetic." "We tend to forget how many gifts God has given each and every one of us... because our lives are so filled with distractions... crowded with messages competing for our attention... encouraging us to be unhappy with our lives." "If only we looked younger... had perfect skin... zero body fat." "The truth of the matter is God loves us just the way we are." "Some people said, "Congratulations." "You've really shaken things up." Whatever." "Most people in the congregation wouldn't even make eye contact with me after that." "So now I'm back at St. Stephen's." "So, how are you guys?" " Good." "We're good." " Just got back from a weekend in San Diego." " Spectacular." " We went parasailing." "Keith won't admit it, but he was scared to death." "I was not scared." "Might have had a little rush of adrenaline... but that's the point, right?" "I'll have him hang-gliding by the end of the year, if it kills me." "In your dreams, fool!" "I am not breaking every bone in my body just to impress you." "Seven years I've been hang-gliding." "I never broke anything." " You're just lucky." " Don't I know it?" "Ladies and gentlemen, only one of these men will be crowned..." "Mr. Gay Black America!" "Did I tell you I'm moving?" " Where?" " Same building." "A bigger place opened up." "We've been wanting to get a dog." "Great." "Do I seem more tense than usual?" "You're not supposed to talk, remember?" "It takes us both out of it." "The only conversation is between your body and my hands." "Correct me if I'm wrong, but we're on my dime here." "I discovered one of the worst things about selling 3 million books... is constantly feeling like I have to apologize for it, you know?" "It's like, "I make a ton of money, so I must be part of the problem."" " Yes." " Yes, what?" "You do seem more tense than usual." "I'm not responsible for cancer." "I'm not responsible for world hunger." "What if I'm just happy, and that's my contribution to the world?" "I'm thinking of pitching a book to my publisher." "Bit of a cultural history, tracing the how, and the why, and when..." " it became such a sin to be happy." " Drop." "Who knows, it might help some of those poor sad fucks... who are incapable of experiencing joy." " Get out of my house." " Excuse me?" " Get the fuck out of my house." " What is wrong with you?" "You don't have any respect for me or what I do." "I'm just another servant who has to listen to your bullshit... and pretend like I don't think you're the stupid asshole windbag that you are." "You crazy bitch." "I'm paying you for a shiatsu, and I intend to get a shiatsu." "I don't need your fucking money." "I do not allow people to treat me like this." "Yeah?" "Well, if you don't get out of my fucking house right now..." "I'll call the LA Times and I'll tell them about the lipo scars on your ass." "Right now." "Get out!" "So this is where the magic happens." "Yeah, this is it." "What's that smell?" "It's like..." "Disinfectant, burnt coffee, embalming fluid." ""For the velvety look and feel of actual living tissue."" " No fucking way!" " You do not even want to know." "They have these plastic screws, only bigger... that they stick into people's orifices, so stuff won't spill out." " That's some kind of fucked up." " Welcome to my world." "So this is where my brother was?" "Jesus, I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have brought you down here." "I'm the one who asked to see it." "What?" "You're the first guy I've ever brought home to meet my family... and I feel weird, you know?" "I feel nervous." "Don't worry." "I will be on my best behavior." "Okay?" "Come on." "Your mother is a good woman." " Yes, we're aware of that." " David, give him a break." "Sorry, you'll have to excuse my brother." "He's been majorly cranky ever since he stopped getting laid." " How old you are?" " Thirty-one." "Good." "I had a son." "He would be a little bit older than you." "He was a student of medicine." " Look who's here." " Hello." "I've got major cotton mouth." " Who wants to say grace?" " I will say grace." ""The poor shall eat, and be filled." ""And those that seek the Lord shall praise him." ""Their hearts will live forever and ever." ""Glory be to the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit..." ""both now and forever..." ""and unto the ages of ages." ""Amen." ""Lord have mercy." ""Lord, bless." ""O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God..." ""for the sake of the prayers of thy most pure mother and all the saints..." ""have mercy on us." ""Amen."" "Nikolai, you are so beautiful." "Thank you." "You're such a beautiful person." "There is this total light coming out of you." "That's a very unusual compliment, Nate." " Your brother is high." " I know, look at his eyes." " Are you all right?" " I am more than all right." "I haven't felt this good in..." "I don't even know how long it's been." "Yes." "You know how long it's been since I've heard you do that?" "Remember when we were first going out, you used to laugh all the time." "I miss that." "Your laughter's like music." " Nate." " What?" "You're high." "No, I'm not." "Am I?" "Look at the light." "Oh, my God, I am high." "I love the little..." "They're like halos." "What is he high on?" "I wouldn't know." "I am so not hungry." "I think this went pretty good tonight." "What are you talking about?" " It was awkward and embarrassing." " What?" "I mean, my son is high on drugs!" "What am I supposed to do about that?" "Should I intervene?" "Join a support group?" "He just seems happy." "We're going to the movies." "Good night, Mrs. Fisher." "Thank you for dinner." "What movie?" "We haven't decided yet, but we'll be back late." "Mom, you said yourself, we're all adults." "We'll be back late." "Good night." "It's all about flowing." "It flows up, it flows down." "And then, sometimes, things stop it from flowing." "You stay." "It's like you just move in a little pool." "You're like a little eddy." "And that's what it all comes down to." "Everything in my life, every thing..." "You know, this thing in my head... it's all about flow." "Flow?" "Oh, my God!" "That was so totally you!" "That was just so totally David!" "I love you." " Okay, I'm out of here." " No, you have to take him with you." "Hope I did nothing to fuck you up when we were kids." "Not when he's like this." "Did you know I taught David how to masturbate?" "No, I didn't, and you know what, Nate?" "That's fascinating, but I have to go." "No, just wait a second." "I just want to say goodbye." "Come here." "Oh, God!" " I love you so fucking much." " You're so fucking high." "But how'd I get that way?" "You can't just get high out of nowhere." " You have to take drugs." "I didn't take any." " Did you take any aspirin?" "Yeah." "There may have been a stray tab of Ecstasy... in the aspirin bottle in the kitchen cabinet." "Oh, dear." "You call me when you crash." "No, call me after you crash." "You know what?" "Call me next week." "I hope you like her." " It's important to me that you like her." " I do like her." "'Cause you're the only brother I have." "Time to kiss your sweet ass goodbye, cupcake." "Yeah, slice her up!" "That was hostile." "Isn't that the girl that you guys are burying?" " She's hot." " She's hot and dead." "This calls for someone with experience." "Someone who knows her way around Griffith Park." " That's me." " In the daytime." "You gotta love her." "In fact, if God gave me the ingredients and told me to make a woman..." "I'd make her just like my wife." "They lost no time in tucking into the wonderful meal Boris had prepared." "And then there was a dessert." "I guess Boris knows I always like to have lettuce for dessert, don't you, Boris?" "I hope the meal was satisfactory." "It was delightful, Boris!" "You're a wonderful cook." "It was nothing, Martha." "Straight out of the cookbook." "It's yummy, Boris." "I couldn't eat another thing." "Yeah, it's not bad for a first effort." "Fuck." "Buddy boy!" "Come on, saved a place for you." "Chinese checkers." " I always hated this game." " That's because you never played for money." "Nate, I want you to meet a couple of friends of mine." "Well, honey, this is the man." "Death." "The Grim Reaper." "Cigar?" " No, thanks." " Good for you, baby." "That stuff is nasty." " And this is..." " My partner." "That sounds so professional." "I love it." " Life." " Shut up." "Oh, yeah, it's a whole yin-yang thing." "You telling me you two are in business together?" "Honey, me and him are in all kinds of shit together!" "Let's just say it's a mutually beneficial arrangement." "It's your turn." "Shouldn't I wait for you to start a new game?" "This game ain't never gonna end." "You're either in the game, or you're out of it." ""On or off the bus," if you prefer." "All right, I'm in." "You gotta put something in the kitty, son." " What are you betting?" " Everything." "All right, I'll bet everything." "Whatever." " I'm shaking." " Hey, buddy boy, no." "You don't wanna get this guy mad, believe me." "I don't get mad." "I have people who do it for me." "Showoff!" "But that always gets me going." "You wanna fuck me, puppet head?" "Momma!" "Yeah, baby!" "That's it." "Go to town, big daddy!" "Big cosmic mystery." "Right here, right in front of you." "You can't say your old man never took you any place interesting." "Yeah, but I'm high." "I know I'm high." ""All that lives, lives forever." ""Only the shell, the perishable passes away."" "Fuck, yeah." ""The spirit is without end." "Eternal." ""Deathless."" "Now take this over here and..." "Look at that, folks." "Look at that for a holiday dinner." "If we had some mint jelly, that would be fabulous." " Unbelievable!" " Smell that." "So all I get to do is smell it?" " Show them." " Smell this." " Isn't that wonderful?" " Oh, boy!" " Hello?" " Oh, no, did I wake you?" "Yeah, you did." "What's up?" "I just wanted to thank you for inviting me out..." " with you and Eddie yesterday after church." " Okay." "And to tell you that... it's really important to me that we've remained friends." "If you'd ever like to do something, just the two of us, I'd really like that." "Look, David, I'm happy that we're friends... but I'm in a relationship." "A good one." " I know." " You and me, it ain't happening." "Yeah, I know that." "It's just kind of hard for me to be around you and Eddie together." "You need to get over that." "Jesus, Keith, could you be a little more self-righteous?" " Good morning, Mom." " You're up early." "I've been having trouble sleeping recently." "Not sure why." "Where's Nikolai?" " Home." " He didn't stay over?" "Of course not." "You know, Mom... if you did want for him to stay over, that would be your right." " I know that." "I don't need your permission." " No, you don't." "Nor do I need yours." "Of course not." "You had a terrible time last night, didn't you?" "Kind of." "I did it for you." "Arranged the whole evening." " Why?" " Some stupid book told me to." " Throw that book away." " I intend to." "Does Nate have a problem with drugs now?" "Is this something I need to know about?" "I think he took it by accident." "How can something like that be an accident?" "Rebecca Milford's star shone all too briefly." "But, oh, how brightly it shone." "This is really boring." "How very, very brightly indeed." "No, it's hilarious, is what it is." "Gabe, a girl died." "So what?" "Everybody dies." "How did Ecstasy get in the aspirin bottle?" "Is that Claire's idea of a joke?" "I think I might have left it in there." " Where did you get it?" " You remember the square-dancing guy?" "Do you think you could get some more?" "I wrote something about Becky... that I'd like to share with everyone here." "Tiny Venus" "Your breath like baby rabbits on a field abuzz with bees and life" "Little did you know" "How briefly the sun would shine upon your own private Utopia" "Your candle may have been blown out but you hang in the air like smoke" "Right on." "That's my man." "What are you doing down here?" "It was a stupid idea of me to go to a funeral for fun." "Yeah, I tried to tell you that." " Okay, so you were right." " Are you okay?" "I'm fine." "Why do you have to..." " I'm not a pet!" "I'm not your pet!" " I'm sorry." "I'm going home." "You said you guys were all pitching in together to pay for this." "Yeah, I paid my $600, and I'm not paying a penny more." "Do you know how rude that girl was to me?" "You know how this is gonna make me look?" "So?" "Go talk to Brody." "He's the one who supposedly can't come up with his share." " You brought this funeral here." " So?" "So maybe you need to come up with the difference." "Maybe you need to get off my case... considering I just gave your wife $500 so she can pay for fucking diapers!" " What are you talking about?" " You heard me." " What the fuck are you talking about?" " She asked me for it." "What are you doing?" "This way, she'll always be a part of us." "You fucking moron." "You're all fucking morons." "You are all such incredibly stupid losers!" " Chill." " You people are fucking disgusting!" " Who the hell are you?" " Fucking bunch of junkies!" " This is not cool." " Did you see what these people are doing?" "I know, but this is our business, these are our clients." "They can do whatever they want." "We'll see you back here real soon, okay?" "And we'll be snorting you next time!" ""All that lives, lives forever." ""Only the shell, the perishable passes away." ""The spirit is without end." "Eternal." ""Deathless."" "It's the Bhagavad-Gita." "Really?" " I never read it." " You read it at my house." " I don't think so." " Don't you remember?" "I went on and on... about the Peter Brook production of The Mahabharata in London?" "But it felt so profound." "Are you telling me it's just recycled crap from my brain?" "From your drug-addled brain." "Hello?" "So were you just not going to tell me or did you just forget?" "Forget what?" "A certain test you took recently." "They posted the results today." "Congratulations, Mr. Funeral Director." "You gotta be shitting me." "I'm looking at your name, plain as day." ""Nathaniel Samuel Fisher, Jr."" "You know, I had totally forgotten about that." "I'm proud of you, Nate." "Thanks." "I'll see you later." " Where are you going?" " I have a client at 8:30." " That's a little late, isn't it?" " No, it's not that late." "Can I come over later?" "Not tonight, okay?" "I'm having enough trouble just being with myself right now." "I'm sorry." "It's not you." "It's me." "I'm fucked up." "And you can't fix it." "You're in the game now, buddy boy... whether you like it or not."