"Well done, agents." "It'll be a hot day in Saskatchewan before the Canada Terror League visits San Diego again." "We knocked the smug grins off their Alan Thicke-looking faces." "It's like we always say in Alaska," "Canada ain't nothin' but the meat in America's sandwich." "Totally." "We really showed those dumb Canucks." "Yeah!" "We did it!" "What the hell are you talking about, "we"?" "What did you two do?" "What do you mean?" "I hacked into the Canadian main frame." "And I made the antidote that saved the San Diego water supply." "I mean, anybody could have done that." "Baboons can do that." "And baboons are the dumbest members of the monkey kingdom." "Wait a minute." "That's not nice." "Okay, okay." "Everybody settle down." "We all know Sam and Jessie aren't essential personnel." "[ Jessie scoffs ]" "But that's no reason for us to get nasty." "That's it!" "I'm going on a break." "Make sure you take all your lab-geek friends with you." "Piper:" "Yeah!" "[ Laughter ]" "That's odd." "It's not my birthday." "Jamaican bobsled." "[ Jacket zips ]" "Your mission is to retrieve the Mancia Device and speak in a Russian accent." "[ Russian accent ]:" "Jamaican bobsled." "[ Screaming ]" "[ Alarm blaring ]" "If this is how she reacts to her birthday," "I'd hate to see her on her period." "Diego!" "Diego!" "[ Alarm blaring ]" "[ Groans ]" "Sam:" "Piper, what are you doing?" "My name is Evanka Nitchku, and I am here for the Mancia Device." "Then make like an igloo and chill." "I don't want to have to hurt you." "[ Thud ]" "Sam:" "Oh, boy." " My name is Evanka Nitchku." " Uh-huh." "And I am here for the Mancia Device." "Nice to meet you, Vodka." "Please don't kill me." "Oh, wait!" "[ Crash ]" "[ Alarm blares ]" "Entering lock down." "System shut down." "You shouldn't have done that." "Jessie:" "They're such jerks." "They think just because they're so hot, they can say and do whatever they want." "Just face it, Jessie." "Nerds like us will never live a normal life." "That's why we're called nerds." "[ Alarm blaring ]" "Trent:" "Ugh, how long have we been out?" "Alphonse:" "Must have been a couple hours." "Well, she's back." "Who's back?" "What the hell was that?" "That was a sleeping dog that just woke up." "Dog?" "It's more like a one-woman wolf pack." "Allow me to explain." "Sam, pull up file 3176 onscreen." "I can't." "We're on lockdown." "All the comm links are dead -- Internet, audio, video, everything." "Damn." "We're totally cut off." "Well, then, I guess words will have to do." "Back before either of you came to N.T.S.F.," "Piper was abducted and brainwashed by a terrorist cell." "When we got her back, Jessie re-washed her brain, but I guess some dirty laundry was left behind." "Must have been activated by that birthday card." "Kove:" "Precisely." "And now we need to use the reset word that will bring her back." "Okay, no sweat." "So what's the reset word?" "Sadly, that's a Jessie question." "Only she knows the secret word to fix Piper." "Well, what genius's idea was it to just give the word to one person?" " Well, not me." "It's not my fault!" " Okay." "Robot S.A.M., get on the P.A." "and start cycling through every word in the English language." "Everybody else, spread out." "A, aardvark..." "We need to find Piper and make sure she doesn't get a hold of the Mancia Device." "But be careful." "She's most likely booby-trapped the entire area." "Look, a rag doll." "AC/DC, acidic..." " Alphonse, you take Sam." " Oh, man!" " Trent, you come with me." " Sorry, Kove." "I work alone." "S.A.M.:" "Affirmative..." "All right, guys." "Got another round of fro fro yo-yos, compliments of the gentleman right over there." "Beautiful yogurt for a beautiful woman." "Mind if I join you?" "My name is Enrique." "I am a model photographer, and I'd like to take you and your beautiful friends' pictures." "Let's get you out that N.T.S.F., huh?" "How do you know we work for N.T.S.F.?" "It's... written on your lab coat." "Oh." "Got to get our hands on that Mancia Device before crazy Piper does." "Hey, what does that thing do, anyway?" " It's a sonic resonator." " A sonic resonator?" "Wait, whoa." "If they set that off under the border, that could cause a land tsunami, and Mexico would slide up on top of San Diego." "Real-estate prices would plummet." "Really?" "I thought it was just a really loud speaker or something." " Oh, hey, a gay pony." " Sam, noooo!" "S.A.M.:" "Bellows, below..." "It ain't a piñata if it's not at a party, man." "[ Alarm blares ]" "[ Screams ]" "S.A.M.:" "Beta blockers, beta-carotene, Betamax..." "Betcha, betrayal..." "Bicycle, biff..." "Well, well, well." "Mancia Device." "Looks like I found it first, as always." "Now it's up to me to protect it." "Seriously, if I wasn't around here, this place would be in the toilet." "[ Crash ]" "S.A.M.:" "Blade, bless, blessing, bloomers..." "[ Cellphone dialing ]" " I have Mancia Device." " Excellent." "My distraction is working." " Who was that?" " Oh, just an assistant..." "[ Cellphone clatters ] Delivering a package." "I have to warn you." "You might need to air-brush us." " Especially my disgusting stomach." " Oh, come on." "Let's be models." "Here we go." "Show me those guns." "[ Camera shutter clicking ] That's it." "Love it." "There you go." "Yes." "Okay." "Hey, look." "They have costumes." "Delivery jacket..." "Afro wig..." "Wait a minute." "You're that delivery guy from N.T.S.F. this morning." "[ Gasps ] That's how you knew I worked there." "This " " This is all a prank!" "Of course it is." "I mean, come on." "You know you're hideous." "[ Jessie gasps ]" "I just needed to keep you out of N.T.S.F." "Make sure you didn't cure my sweet little Piper." "Now..." "You die!" "[ Jessie gasps ]" "Strobes!" "[ Indistinct shouting ]" "Crispy, Cristal..." "Criteria..." "Critiquay -- I mean critique..." "[ Kove gasps ]" "Piper, I know you're not yourself right now." "And while that's totally not my fault, I'd like to help you." "Release security lockdown." "Never." "How about a trade?" "I give you my body." "You bring system back online." "Okay, I'm gonna stop this right now." "I see where this is going, and I'm just gonna tell you." "I'm not into it." "Very tense." "Let me give you massage." "Ahh." "No, thank you." "Look, I'm not a homophobe at all." "But I couldn't be more not into what you're selling if you were a homeless man hawking batteries on the subway and I was allergic to copper-tops." " My freeway is one-way only." " Fine." "If you won't be seduced, then I knock you not conscious." "Preferred." "[ Both grunting ]" "You look like Kathy Bates doing a Kathy Griffin impression." "Jessie:" "You are a terrible photographer!" "You look like a less-attractive Enrique Iglesias." "Well, at least I don't treat my cats like they're my children." "They are my children!" "[ Both grunting ]" "You just got overexposed." "Oh, that's a great pun." "Nice one, Jessie." "[ Alarm blares ]" " Trent!" " Alphonse, don't." "He might be booby-trapped." "Hey, stick to the lab work." "Let the big dogs do their job." "Trent!" "[ Sam laughs ]" "You got gassed." "Sucker." "Uh..." "Alphonse?" "W-w-welcome to N-N-N.T.S.F." "Please enter your s-s-security clearance c-code." "[ Keypad beeping ]" "[ Door opens ]" "Thanks, Danny." "N-n-n-n-no p-p-p-p-p-problem, J-J-J-J-J-Jessie." "Damn it." "Daffodil, dahlia, daily..." "Dairy Queen, daiquiri, daisy..." "Vodka, hey." "Hey, you look great today, even better than " "[ Grunting ]" " Ohh." " Bring system back online." "I can't." "It can only be reactivated from outside." "Then..." "[ Gun cocks ]" " Bye-bye." " No!" "[ Gun clicking ] Oh, thank God." "[ Shing!" "] Oh, dear God." "Oh, unh...." " Jessie:" "Evanka, deactivate!" " Unh." "[ Normal voice ]:" "What happened?" "Deactivate." " Oh." " What's going on?" ""Deactivate"?" "That's the deactivation word?" "Watch out, nerds!" "[ Jessie gasps ]" "Trent, you did it." "You stopped Piper." " Way to go, Hauser." " I did it again." "No way." "Jessie is the one that saved everyone." "Trent just came in and knocked out the real Piper." "It's not for us to decide who's right or wrong." "Though, it's clear I did nothing wrong." "Now, let's clean up these stinking corpses." "Get back to work." "That's so weird." "It's not my birthday." "Jamaican bobsled." "[ Jacket zips, gunshot ]" "Hello." "Always my pleasure to be acknowledged by you." "What is your query?"