"So, Prince " "I suppose that's your new city." "Where?" "Over there, where your balloon is taking Kai." "That is not one of my balloons." "And that city is Hogtown." "I'm not ruler there." "Why not?" "Because I don't like it." "That is my new city." "A lot like the old one - but then, nothing much changes around here." "Uh huh." "Well, you know - we don't believe ya." "If the balloon was one of mine, they would have picked me up." "Don't you agree?" "How about here?" "Do you rule this place too then?" "No." "It is far too unruly." "I'm a visitor here, just like you." "Boy, I don't trust you." "I'm not trustworthy." "Sir, I must ask you - how is it that you are alive?" "I am not alive." "Leg." " Sir, does that cause you pain?" " No." " That?" " No." "Arm." "That?" "The dead do not feel pain." "Sir - who threw you off the edge?" "My friends." "Where are you taking me?" "You have now been procured." "We must process your claim." "That is his balloon, I'm sure of it." "How?" "Well, it's like he said, he's not trustworthy." "So if he says it is his balloon," "I say it's not!" "So Xev, how about a kiss?" "Look - the balloon's landed, on Hogtown." "So this Hogtown place, y ou know, is it dangerous?" "No." "Yes!" "It's not their actions that kill you, but the process will certainly finish you off." "Whatever." "They have Kai, so we have to go there and get him." "How?" "It doesn't matter how we get there, what really matters is that we gotta go to the Lexx first, where it's safe." "How?" "Well, I don't know!" "Somehow." "Perhaps you'll sprout wings and fly, can you do that?" "No!" "Well neither can I." "Well that's a relief" "So, here we are." "Stanley and Prince and Xev, stuck together." "So I guess it's time for us to make a deal to help each other out." "One that works for us all." "You are not gonna help us, and that's for sure." "And why should we help you?" "Now, you want Kai." "Let me see, what do I want?" " well, I always want the same thing, to destroy the planet Water." "So, I will agree to take you to Kai, if you will agree to help me destroy the planet Water using your ship, the Lexx." "No no no no no." "You said it yourself, you're not trustworthy." "True, but I never break my deals." "How will you bring us to Kai?" "I know a way to get to Hogtown." "Yeah, you already told us - sprout wings and fly." "A real one." " Do you have a balloon?" " No." "OK, so we can't fly, and if we try to walk across there the heat's gonna kill us, so you don't have a way!" "I do." "OK, what is it?" "Do we have a deal?" "Stanley, once you were willing to destroy the planet Water for the sake of a woman you thought you loved." "Xev does love Kai." "Destroy it for her," " as a gift." " No." "No what?" "No, we're not going to make a deal." "Why not?" "Because you don't know how to get to Kai." "I do!" "He's lying." "I may be bad, but I always stick to my deals and I very rarely ever lie - it's much more fun to tell the truth." "So if you do know a way to get to Kai, we could find it too." "Good luck." "I didn't really mean that." "Of course not." "OK, so now how are we gonna find Kai?" "A walk across the desert." "Oh, right, right, right, and die in the process." "Come on Xev, even you can't walk across that!" "Prince will take us." "What?" "We didn't help him, so next he'll try Kai." "There he goes." "This adjudication will commence." "It is our responsibility to attempt to record for posterity the many incidents of extreme human pain and degradation that are performed daily here on this planet called Fire." "We ourselves do not participate in such practices, but " "We believe the recordation of such incidents will, in time, open a door to a progressive and orderly future, free of such suffering." " Do you understand?" " No." "We do not expect you to understand." "However, we want you to understand the importance of our commission." "That is why we insist that each claimant answer a few questions, so that we may, in time, better understand the physiognomy of human evil." "The process is fair and impartial." "All are treated equally." "Adjudicatrix " "You were found in the desert." "From where do you originate?" "From Brunnis Two, by way of the Cluster." "Where is that?" "In the Light Zone." "The other universe." "If I may refer the commission, to the claimant's statement - section 3, paragraph 1B of my procurement report." "Thank you, procurer." "He is not from Fire?" "The claimant claims not to be, Adjudicator." "I don't understand." "The claimant also claims - to be dead." "Section 7, paragraph 5A." "Dead?" "I assume that this process will inevitably lead to some sort of punishment?" "I request that you cut this process short, and throw me off the edge of the city." "Claimants are not permitted to request punishment at this stage." "The claimant must wait for the final adjudication." "Oh boy." "How far down does that thing go?" "We can tell how far down it goes by how long it takes until we hear this hit the bottom." " Can you hear anything?" " No." "That's far, Xev." "Yeah." "Maybe it doesn't have a bottom." "It has to." "I don't know about this, Xev." "Got any other ideas?" "Hey, hey, hey, wait up, wait up!" "It's not a good idea to get so far ahead!" "You know, it's OK for you, you're part Cluster lizard." "But I don't think I can last much longer, in this kind of heat." "I don't know if it was a good idea anyway." "I mean, we haven't seen Prince since we left the top." "We got no, no idea where we are." "We're at the bottom." "How do you know?" "I counted the steps." "What?" "This was number thirty-nine thousand exactly." "That's enough to reach the bottom." "Oh." "Well that's nice." "So - where to now?" "Do you want to go back up again?" "No, what are you trying to do, kill me?" "So - which direction do you want to go then?" "I don't know." "I want you to choose." "That way, when everything goes terribly awful," " I get the satisfaction of blaming you." " Thanks Stan." " Yeah." "Air's coming from that direction, and it's cooler." "Yeah, it is, a bit." "Coming?" "OK, OK - but I'm gonna blame you when everything goes wrong." "Oh, that's OK." " I mean it!" " Yeah." "I hope we don't have to go much further." "It shouldn't be too far." " Xev." "Xev." " Yes Stan?" " You gotta slow down Xev." "I'm gonna overheat." "What's that?" "What?" "I heard something." "Maybe we should go back?" "To what?" "I wish I had something." "For what?" "To protect myself." "From what?" "I don't know what." "Be careful, Xev." "I will." "Be very careful." "Xev!" "Xev!" "I know I shouldn't." "I know I shouldn't." "I know I shouldn't." "Don't go down there!" "Er - thanks for the advice." "Xev!" "Don't go down there!" "Why?" "They'll hurt you." "They always do." "The claimant will please assist the adjudicating committee to adjudicate his claim." "For the record - procurer, this man you procured from the desert, claims in your procurement report that he has been an assassin." "Is that correct?" "That is correct, Adjudicatrix." "Once again," "I request that you throw me from the edge of the city." "Claimant, you will not progress your claim until you respect the rules and procedures by which this adjudication commission adjudicates its claims." "I withdraw all claims and request that this - commission, throw me from the edge of this city." "Claimant, have you ever suffered torture," "degradation, or other evil on this planet?" "Yes - from this commission!" "Default rule 1 " "Accusations against the commission are not recordable." "Claimant - have you in fact ever assassinated anyone?" "I have killed mothers with their babies." "I have killed great philosophers, and proud young warriors." "I have killed the evil, and the good, the intelligent, the weak" "and the beautiful - but it's been a while since" "I slaughtered a whole room full of petty bureaucrats!" "The claimant will answer the Adjudicatrix's question." "Those who do not comply with the commission are subject to standard punishment number 1." "What's that?" "One is thrown off the edge of the city to their death." "I request standard punishment number 1!" "Claimants are not allowed to request specific punishments." "This commission has the sole right to adjudicate the claimant's claim." "Look - here, at my arm." "Look, here, come." "Come here." "I think it will answer your questions." "Feel along the muscle." "What has this to do with the Adjudicator's question?" "Are you afraid?" "I do not even have the strength to raise my arm." "A little higher." "A little higher." "What's that?" "Squeeze it." "I do not know if it is permitted." "Is it permitted?" "At least my fall fixed that part of me." "What do you want?" "I request that you throw me off the edge of this city." "This adjudication commission hereby grants the claimant standard punishment number 1." "I have to go now." "Please don't!" "Look, just let go of my hand, because I've gotta catch up with somebody." "I can't let go!" "Why?" "Because I'll hurt me." "Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but I gotta go, right now." "Please don't leave me." "Why?" "They want to hurt me." "Who wants to hurt you?" "They do." "No." "No, they won't hurt you." "I'll see to it that they won't hurt you." "Xev and me, we'll both see to it that they won't, as soon as I get to her." "Really?" "Really." "Who's Xev?" "My friend." "She just passed by here, a few minutes ago." "I'm surprised you didn't see her." "So - you let go of my hand and I'll go get her." "OK?" "I'm a doctor." "You can trust me." "My name is Rainbow - but you can call me Doctor Rainbow." "Sorry, I missed that." "I'll take this off." "No-one can hear you." "Let me out of this place." "That's why" "I like to come here." "Because this is where I do my best work." "What kind of work?" "Surgery!" "I'm going to make you better." "You don't have to make me feel better, I feel just fine." "Look, really, I'm perfectly perfectly perfectly perfectly all right!" "No no." "There are parts of you you'd be much better off without." "What parts?" "Bad parts." "Dirty parts." "Parts I'm going to cut away." "I'm sorry." "I don't have anything to stop the bleeding." "There's nothing I can do about that." "OK." "Now listen buddy." "Whatever it is that you want," "I don't wanna have any part of it, OK?" "They scream, when I first cut them." "Then after a while, they stop." "They always do." "There." "It doesn't have to be very sharp to do the job," "to do the job, to do the job," "Right." "They always stop, always stop." "Listen buddy, buddy, what do you want, huh?" "Look, whatever it is I'll help you get it, OK?" "OK?" "I'm Stanley H Tweedle, I'm the captain of the Lexx." "It's the most powerful destructive force in the two universes." "You'll stop screaming too." "I told you - she can't hear you." "No-one can hear you here except for me." "But it doesn't bother me." "Because I'm used to it." "Because I'm used to it." "I'm used to it," "I'm used to it," "I'm used to it." "They scream when I cut them." "When I cut them, they scream." "When I cut them," "When I cut them, they scream." "When I cut them, they scream." "I'll take that." "I was just trying to help him." "No you weren't." "I was just trying to help him." "Just trying to cut me open." "Just trying to cut me open." "Just trying to cut me open!" "Ouch!" "That would have hurt." "Whoa." "I have to say thank you." "I have to ask - why?" "Consider it a goodwill gesture." "If I help you, then maybe eventually you will help me - out of gratitude." "I won't help you blow up another planet." "Where's Xev?" "Like you, I suspect that she too is in a spot of trouble." "Saved by your Prince." "It's hot down here, but it's not as hot as it is on the surface." "How come?" "It's the geology." "The rocks down here produce some heat, but not as much as in other places." "It is possible for a human being to survive down here, for a few days at least - survive the heat that is, not necessarily his fellow man." "Why?" "The people who are condemned to live down here do not have their own city, because they are the bad of the bad." "They are the sick, the truly evil." "They kill for the pleasure they exact from the act of killing." "Up until now they only had each other to hunt down, but that was until you came along and made things more interesting." "Well it's absolutely not interesting for me, not at all." "No, not for you, but for them, yes, for them you are fresh meat, a rare treat." "Why, you haven't even died once yet." "Not since the day you were born." "You said born." "How come?" "I thought you didn't know that people were born." "Well, you told me yourself about people being born, where you come from - don't you remember Xev?" "What was that?" "I don't know - but that is the way to Hogtown, where we saw them take your dead man in black." "After you." "No, no, no - you go first." "As you please - but they can come from ahead, or from behind, from above or below." "Nowhere is safe in the tunnels." "It's a dead end!" "He's tricked us, to get us down here." "For what purpose?" "I don't know, but whatever it is I don't like it." "Look." "Oh no." "No no." "Stanley H Tweedle is not gonna crawl up in that little hole!" "That's all right." "You can stay down here if you like - alone." "In the tunnels." "I'm not going up there!" "What's up there?" "Paper." "What's really up there, Prince?" "As I said - paper." "Lots and lots of it." " Is it safe?" " No." "What do you mean?" "Nowhere is safe on the planet Fire." "I don't trust him." "Neither do I." "You're not gonna go up there?" "Yes." "I think you're making a big mistake." "What do you want to do Stan, stay down here in the tunnels?" "Be careful, Xev." "I don't understand." "Why do you want standard punishment number 1?" "Because my systems are out of alignment." "I must procure this balloon from you." "It is not permitted." "Perhaps not, but I have been realigned." "Xev?" "Xev, can you hear me?" " Hello, Stanley." " Where's Xev?" "Exploring." "So, are you going to come up?" "I hate small tiny places, I really hate 'em." "Well, you can stay down there if you want to, but I think I should advise you that they always stay down there," "in the tunnels." "It's part of their punishment." "Now you tell me." "Xev?" "Prince?" "!" "They scream when I cut them." "They scream when I cut them." "They scream" "There's no time for anaesthetic!" "Somebody, somebody help!" "This isn't happening." "This isn't happening." "Go away!" "Go away!" "I'm used to the screaming." "I'm used to it." "I'm used to it." "Blood." " Oh, thank you." "Thank you, thank you." " It wouldn't have hurt that much." "Because, he doesn't know where the nerves are." " But I do." " Oh no." "No, no." "See," "I'm a doctor." "You hit the nerve!" " Stanley." "Stanley" " Stupid doctors!" "I wanted you to love me, Stanley." "Yeah, right!" "I've heard that before." "Are you dying?" "Yes." "But I'm used to it." "Tell us how to get to Kai?" "Hey Prince." "Old buddy old chum, Prince." "Are you still breathing?" "Oh!" "Xev." "You half scared me to death!" "Sorry Stan." "What happened?" "Well he came after me again, and then that guy, and then, then Prince saved me and " "Where'd he go?" "He was just here on the floor." "Where is he now?" "I don't know." "He disappeared." "Yes." "Prince does that." "Come on Xev." "Let's get out of here quick." "I agree." "Where are you going?" "This way." "Why?" "Because it's the easy way." "I'm not letting you out of my sight again, OK?" "I recommend that." "Oh boy." "We're gonna die out there Xev." "No we're not." "I don't know, the heat is " "Oh!" "Oh, we're saved, we're saved, we're saved." "Oh Kai!"