"I gotta come up!" "I've gotta take the world's biggest fucking piss." "We can't be late!" "We won't!" "Who's... who's holding?" "then nobody." "We were kind of hoping you were." "Shanna." "It is not my fucking job to supply y'all with weed when we go out." "little lady." "don't you think?" "I was just teasin' you!" "I'm not angry." "It just would be nice if y'all didn't just count on me all the fucking time and surprise me every once in a while with pot." "mean girl in a high school movie." "Are you through having a tantrum?" "I'm not having a tantrum. and you're already cursing at me." "I am not cursing at you. and then before the sentence was over you threw a "fucking" in there to emphasize your irritatedness." "don't fight." "I'll pay for it when we get some." "it is not about the money." "It is about the pain in the ass of scoring." "we're not really fighting." "you've forgotten what hanging out with Jungle Julia is like." "That wasn't a fight." "That was Julia acting like a grumpy bitch and me calling her on it and indulging her at the same time." "That's how we tolerate each other after all these years." "Oh!" "Billboard!" "man?" "Margaritas and Mexican food at Guero's." "Did you call Rafael and tell him we're coming?" " Of course." " You 're so good." "I know." "is Christian Simonson gonna be there?" "You bet your ass he is..." "with Jesse Letterman." "is in town." "He's got a big thing for Julia. and he'd get his ass down here more often than he does." "And on my birthday he'd give me a fucking phone call." "billboard! and it's all over." "I'll let you know it worked. and make damn sure they come." "Those other guys'll be waiting for us at the Texas Chili Parlor." "shit." "Speaking of which... what happened with you and Nate last night?" "not much." "We just fucking met each other." "they're never gonna respect you." "we're pretty clear on what it is you didn't do." "How about enlightening us on what it is you did do?" "nothing to write home about." "We just made out on the couch for about 20 minutes." "or naked?" "Dressed." "I said we made out." "We didn't do "the thing." "but what is "the thing"?" "it's everything but." "They call that "the thing"?" "I call it "the thing." "Do guys like "the thing"?" "They like it better than "no thing." "I wanna get back to what it is you did do." "right?" "Correct." "Whose couch?" "His or the one in your hotel room?" "stupid over here?" "Mine." "Were you making out sitting up or lying down?" "we worked our way to lying down." "Hmm." "The plot thickens." "Who was on top?" "I was straddling him." "What else?" "That was it." "So we made out for a little while on the couch... so it's time for you to leave." "right now?" "right now." "Let's go." "what about this?" And I said no." "What do you mean?" "You don't know what I'm gonna say." "and the answer's no." "how can you say you know what I'm gonna say?" "'Let's just go to sleep together." "'We don't gotta do nothing. wake up in the morning together.'" "No." "You 're gonna leave..." "but I'll see you tomorrow." "fuck Nate. but Jesse Letterman is gonna be all over her." "Remember..." "no hooking' up tonight. and my daddy's pretty clear about one thing... not you and a bunch of horny boys trying to get their fuck on with my daughter." " Your dad talks like that?" " Hell yeah." "Daddy just has a tendency to pop up and make sure we don't need anything." "he's totally harmless and cute as a bug's ear!" "when he's got a bunch of half-naked poontang he just likes to pay us a visit and make sure we got everything we need. you got a puppy dog for life. and you're just jealous 'cause it don't include you." "You call her dad "Ben"?" "I'm not a child." "That's his name." "when are the boys showing up?" "They're gonna meet us at the Chili Parlor." "Maybe they can bring some pot." "Fuck that." "No. depending on their ass. we're gonna be stuck with them all fucking night." "Ooh!" "Try Lanna-Frank." "Best idea you had all day." "hey!" "That's your last billboard before Guero's!" "give me a break." "my ass!" "We said every time." "Okay." "let me get a drag." "Thanks." "my God." "Arlene." "Hey." "but I'm with some friends." "Ooh... you must be... must be... you must be the infamous Butterfly." "Shh!" "She don't know nothing about it." " Know about what?" " When were y'all gonna tell her?" " Soon." " Tell me what?" "we've gotta tell her sooner than later." "cut the shit." "What the fuck is going on?" "I said a little something-something about you on the air today." "what the fuck did you say about me on the radio?" "All I said was I had a sexy friend named Butterfly maybe they'd see us. you'd do something." "I'm serious." "What did you say and what did you say I'd do? which I think will give you a better idea what you have in store for you tonight." "so just tell me your way." " So we'll act it out with Marcy?" " Sure." "give Marcy your drink. and Marcy's a kind of cute or kind of hot or kind of sexy but not-funny-looking guy who you could fuck." "Got it." "take it." "Howdy." "there." "but... would it?" "and it seems you have me at a disadvantage." "Barry." "Barry." "Y'all are gettin' me hot!" "Shh!" "uh..." ""Butterfly" your real name?" "it is." "Barry?" "I listened to Jungle Julia's show this mornin'." "did you?" "I listen to her show every morning." "do you?" "she's like the coolest lady in town." "Don't you think she's got a big ass?" "man!" "I like her ass that way." "She got a black girl's ass. she doesn't really have a black girl's ass." "She's got a big ass." "what the fuck are you doing?" "Look who wants to get to the point all of a sudden. black men and a whole lot of motherfuckin' white men have had plenty of fun adoring my ass." "I don't wear their teeth marks on my butt for nothing." "can I have mine back?" "okay." "Butterfly... can I buy you a drink?" "I'd love one." "What can I get ya?" "I'll take a margarita." "Here ya go." "after they buy you a drink they look you dead in the eye and repeat this poem... dark and deep" "And I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep." "Butterfly?" "Miles to go before you sleep." "if they say that... you gotta give 'em a lap dance." "What? you gotta give 'em a lap dance." "That's bullshit." "I ain't giving them nothin'. everybody in Austin is gonna think you a chicken shit." "And I don't think you want everybody in Austin thinking you're a chicken shit." "I ain't giving nobody no lap dance 'cause of what you said." "come on!" "It's gonna be funny!" "everything's funny to you two when it's happening to me." "Look." "You don't have to do it for anybody you don't want." "I said you'd do it for the first guy who says it. just tell him you already did it at another place earlier." "but you get a free drink out of it. but not-funny-looking guy comes up and says it... maybe you didn't." "She's making me trip." "dumb bitch!" "You fuckin' idiot!" "♪ Baby ♪" "♪ It doesn't matter what they say ♪" "♪ I know I'm gonna love you any old way ♪" "♪ What can I do without you?" "♪ nobody ♪ it's you ♪" "it's you ♪" "♪ Don't leave me alone ♪" "♪ Come on home ♪ it's you ♪" "it's you... ♪" "Any dead soldiers here?" "these two." "Thank you." "Where the hell is Lanna-Frank?" "That's a good fucking question." "Lanna-Frank!" "Where are you?" "come over already." "We're waiting for you." " Shit!" "Hold on!" "where are you?" "Come over already." "We're waiting for you." "No." "We're not coming over there." "You come over here like you said you would." "is it Shauna and the girls at the lake house this weekend?" "fuck." "I..." "No." "there is one thing that every girl in the whole world whose name is Shanna has in common with each other. and we really hate it when people call us "Shauna." "Just remember... not "Shauna Banauna." "I had fuckability stock." "but... and you know the house rules." "you gotta do them." "baby." "we do it!" "I love that philosophy!" "we do it." "So let's do it!" "What is it?" "questions later." "Here we go." "Post time!" "Mmm!" "Whoo-hoo!" "is that a tasty beverage or is that a tasty beverage?" "What the fuck is it?" "!" "Chartreuse." "The only liquor so good they named a color after it." "Who's down for dos Chartreuse?" "Not me." "I'm going out for a smoke." "all right?" "You 'll blow up the joint." "Drinks." "What can we get you?" "Shanna Banana?" "Another big-ass Long Island iced tea." "Bombay Sapphire and tonic with no ice." "Good boy." "Punky." "one of the lights is off in the parking lot." "Flip it." " Oh!" "Jesus Christ!" " Whoa-ho!" "you shitty asshole!" "Arlene." "I was not trying to scare you." "I just... got lucky." "hardee-fucking-har." " Let's go inside." " Wait a minute." " Why?" " I was thinkin' we could make out." "on a porch?" "but in front of the entrance?" "in my car." "out there?" "It's wet as fucking 'Nam out there." "Not in my car it's not." "you won't get wet." "I promise you." "most guys wouldn't brag about that." "Ha ha ha." "I mean..." "you know what I mean." "I know you guys are going to Lake L.B.J." "and we can't come." "I wanna make out... just stop with the whining." "It's not attractive. deal?" " Great." "no." "Deal or no deal? we could just walk back inside the fucking bar right now." " Deal." "No whining." " And no begging." "it's done." "I'm gonna remember you said that." "let's go." "you got two jobs... kiss good and make sure my hair don't get wet." "early one morning ♪" "♪ When I heard my bulldog bark ♪" "♪ It was Staggolee and Billy Lyons ♪" "♪ Squabblin ' in the dark... ♪ you can't look like you're trying to get her out of here but you've got to get her out of here before Christian Simonson shows up." "but what's the point? and it's no guys." "Absolutely no guys. we order two more rounds of shots." "You think they're gonna fall for that?" "We'll be very convincing." "Now it's time to turn up the volume." "No more fucking around." "We go to Jäger shots." "they're not gonna drink Jäger shots. a fucking bitch will drink anything." "we can at least get one shot of Jäger down these fucking bitches' throats." "we'll see if they get another Jäger shot in them." "You never know." "That could be the shot that puts them past the point of "fuck it." "Then all of a sudden "no guys at the lake house turns into a couple of guys at the lake house." "My point exactly." "And I know I can at least get "Shanna Suck-my-banana to do a fucking Buttery Nipple shot." "What's Julia's sweet shot?" "dude." "Even fucking Leroy Brown would do one more for dessert." "check it out." "I wonder if B.J. brought the bear with him." "Jesus." "Dude fucking cut himself falling out of his time machine." "please?" "♪ See the hole I shot in his head ♪" "♪ The high sheriff told the deputy ♪" "♪ Get your pistols and come with me ♪" "♪ We got to go arrest a bad man ♪" "♪ Known as Staggolee... ♪" "♪ They laid them on the shelf" "♪ If you want that bad man Staggolee ♪" "♪ You'll have to arrest him yourself" "♪ The high sheriff asked the bartender... ♪" "And where did you two disappear to? and Nate was gentlemanly enough to escort me with his umbrella." "Nate." "You see that pretty girl sitting by herself at the bar?" "the dirty hippie?" "Meow." "She's not a hippie." "She might as well be a hippie." "Timmy boy." "do you know what just happened to her?" "blonde bitch." "I'm sorry." "You were telling a story?" "What about her?" "Warren!" "Is there anybody you could vouch for to give me a ride home?" "your chariot awaits." "You've been eavesdropping?" "There's eavesdropping and "can't help but hear." "I think I belong in the latter category." "Icy Hot." "You're offering me a ride home?" "too." "And when are you thinking about leaving?" "I'm not thinking about it." "you will be the first to know." "drive later?" "I know looks can be deceiving." "But I'm a teetotaler. and now I'm building up to my big drink." " Which is what?" " Virgin piña colada." "Okay." "Why would someone who doesn't drink spend hours at a bar drinking water?" "a bar offers all kind of things other than alcohol." "Mmm." "Really?" "Like what?" "Women." "Nacho grande platters. like Warren here." "Alcohol is just a lubricant for all the individual encounters that a barroom offers." "Ooh." "Is that cowboy wisdom?" "Pam." "I'm a stuntman." "But that's a very easy mistake to make." "How do you know my name?" "When you were talking with Warren... couldn't help but overhear." "Fair enough." "Icy?" "Stuntman Mike." "Stuntman Mike's your name?" "Tsk." "You ask anybody." "Warren." "Who is this guy?" "Stuntman Mike." "And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?" "He's a stuntman." "Warren!" "Six shots of Wild Turkey!" "♪ I' ve just got to know ♪" "♪ Should I go leave ♪" "♪ And find somebody else ♪" "♪ You know I stood yesterday ♪" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Let's do 'em!" "Salud." "Down the snatch." "I think it's time for my big drink. can I buy you that virgin piña colada?" "Pam." "That'd be lovely." "Warren!" "virgin piña colada for my stuntman friend and I'll have another Cadillac Cabo Wabo margarita." "virgin." "I've been misled ♪" "♪ And I've been afraid ♪" "♪ I've been hit in the head ♪" "♪ And left for days ♪" "♪ I've been abused ♪" "♪ And I've been accused ♪" "♪ I've been refused ♪" "♪ A piece of bread... ♪ if it ain't Lanna-Frank." "Mwah." "baby." " How are you?" "what's up?" "Hey!" "bacon?" "Hey." "♪ Go wrong as I do today ♪ now." "It's about fucking time." "beggars can't be choosers." "Take a picture." "It lasts longer." "What?" "That table." "getting your attention." "Is that the girl from the billboard outside?" "Yep." "She sure is a striking-looking woman." "Jäger..." "Look at that hair." "Lots of leave-in conditioner." "Is that jealousy I detect? there's a real easy way to do that." "what would that be?" "Get famous." "You won't have to find her... she'll find you." "And you don't even want to know what she did for that billboard." "cocksucker." "You've earned it." "What did she ever do to you?" "We went to school together from kindergarten through high school." "That's what she did to me." "She was her height right now at 12." "She was a monster." "Half the guys she still fucks she used to terrorize in the fifth grade." "huh?" "That pituitary case?" "Might have kicked my ass a couple of times... not a black man... but I'd die before I ever gave Julia Lucai my chocolate milk." "Hey!" "Are you famous or somethin'?" "Or somethin'." "no." "Really." "what do... what do you do?" "Really? but why that girl wanted a picture of me is because I'm a local D.J." "Wait a minute." "don't you?" "Yeah." "Zatoichi." "Yeah." "Jungle Julia Lucai." "Stuntman Mike McKay." "Well." "Stuntman Mike." "My friends and I are going to continue to get our weed on." "Would you care for some? but just the same..." "no thanks." " Suit yourself." " But you know... shit." "Ah!" "My God." "Sorry." "It's nothing." "What the fuck was that?" "You got some voucher here." "I asked him what movies you worked on." "No fuckin' clue." "technically I really don't know if he's ever done anything for sure. he says it's him." "You know the show The Virginian? and I looked like him a bit... obviously before I cut myself shaving." "I like it." "if you ain't so sweet you make sugar taste just like salt." "I did a lot of Virginians doubling Gary Clarke. and I doubled him." "From that point on I specialized mostly in car stunts." "I did damn near the whole third season of Vega$." "I was Robert Urich's driving double." "Gavilan." "till..." "And after that..." "Do you know any of these shows or people I'm talkin' about?" "Sorry." " No?" " Mm-mm." "no." "Stuntman Mike?" "anybody fool enough to throw himself down a flight of stairs can usually find somebody to pay him for it." "But really I got into the business the way most people get into the stunt business." "How's that?" "who's your brother?" "Stuntman Bob." "I'm ready to blaze!" "yeah." "You need to catch up with us." " Now the party can start." " Yep." "I'm sorry." "You forgive me?" "But you have to be real nice to me for the whole rest of the time I'm here." "Promise." "You ready to go to the lake?" "Mm-hmm." "bring him?" " I thought no boys." "Shanna won't mind." "So how about it?" "Boys or just us girls?" "us girls." "Good idea." "Ladies?" "Thanks." "Butterfly." "and deep... And miles to go before I sleep." "Butterfly?" "Miles to go before you sleep." "Stuntman Burt..." "Mike." "Mike." "She already broke off that dance." "Is that true?" "Did I miss my chance?" "Do I frighten you?" "Is it my scar?" "It's your car." "I know." "Sorry." "It's my mom's car." "Have you been following us?" "but that's what I love about Austin... it's just so damn small." " You've seen this guy before?" " I saw him outside of Guero's." "too." "I saw your legs." "but I didn't say I wasn't a wolf." "So you really weren't following us?" "Butterfly." "I just... got lucky." "how about that lap dance? and she did it earlier this evening at Antone's." "she didn't." " How do you know?" "I'm good that way." " Tsk." "And you look a little touchéd." " What's "touchéd"?" "slightly." "Why should I be wounded? but from your look I can tell nobody pestered you at all." "didn't it?" "There are few things as fetching as a bruised ego on a beautiful angel." "So..." "How about that lap dance?" "I think I'm going to have to give you a rain check. that rain check'll be worthless." "But that's okay." "I understand if I make you uncomfortable." "You're still a nice girl." "And I still like you." "But I must warn you of something. that's no good." "I actually have a book." "And everybody I ever meet goes in this book." "and you're goin' in the book." "Except..." "I'm afraid I must file you... under..." "Chicken Shit." "And what if I did it? could I?" "What's your name again?" "Stuntman Mike..." "I'm Butterfly." "My friend Jungle Julia over here says that jukebox inside is pretty impressive." "it is." "Yeah." "why don't you go get ready for your lap dance? hysterically funny but not funny-looking guy who you could fuck" did you not understand?" "aah ♪ aah ♪ down in Mexicali ♪" "♪ There's a pretty little place that I love ♪" "♪ Where the drinks are hotter than the chili sauce ♪" "♪ And the boss is a cat named Joe ♪" "♪ He wears a red bandanna ♪" "♪ Plays a cool piano ♪" "♪ In a honky-tonk down in Mexico ♪" "♪ He wears a purple sash ♪" "♪ And a black moustache ♪" "♪ In a honky-tonk down in Mexico ♪" "♪ Well ♪" "♪ The first time that I saw him ♪" "♪ He was a-sitting on a piano stool ♪ when does the fun begin?" ♪ be cool" ♪" "♪ He wears a red bandanna ♪" "♪ Plays a blues piano ♪" "♪ In a honky-tonk down in Mexico ♪" "♪ He wears a purple sash ♪" "♪ And a black moustache ♪" "♪ In a honky-tonk down in Mexico ♪" "♪ In Mexico ♪ in walks a chick ♪" "♪ In Mexico ♪" "♪ Joe starts playing on a Latin kick ♪" "♪ In Mexico ♪" "♪ Around her waist she wore three fishnets ♪" "♪ In Mexico ♪" "♪ She started dancing with the castanets ♪" "♪ In Mexico ♪" "♪ I didn't know just what to expect ♪" "♪ In Mexico ♪" "♪ She threw her arms around my neck ♪" "♪ In Mexico ♪" "♪ We started dancing all around the floor ♪" "♪ In Mexico ♪" "♪ And then she did a dance I never saw before ♪" "♪ So if you're south of the border ♪" "♪ I mean a-down in a-Mexico ♪ don't hesitate ♪" "♪ Just look up a cat named Joe ♪" "♪ He wears a red bandanna ♪" "♪ Plays a blues piano ♪" "♪ In a honky-tonk down in Mexico ♪" "♪ He wears a purple sash ♪" "♪ And a black moustache ♪" "♪ In a honky... ♪" "I'm driving." "gonna go hang out." "Ready to go?" "Yeah." " Bye." "Bye." "I think you got Mike laid tonight." "Cannonball Run!" "He's just giving me a ride." "no doubt." "Have a nice ride!" "double fucks." "I am not gonna fuck him." "I can hear you." " He's old enough to be my dad." " I can still hear you." "Bye." "Bye-bye!" "that's fucking scary." "I wanted it to be impressive and... scary tends to impress." "Is it safe?" "it's better than safe." "It's death-proof." "How do you make a car death-proof?" "that's what stuntmen do." "You've seen a movie where a car gets into some smash-up there ain't no way in hell anybody's walking away from?" "Yeah." "how do you think they accomplish that?" "CGI?" "you're right." "Tsk." "But back in the all-or-nothin' days... the White Line Fever days... real cars smashing into real cars." "Real dumb people driving 'em. they take her and reinforce that fucker everywhere and..." "Voila!" "You got yourself a death-proof automobile." "That makes sense." "I just didn't know you could make a car death-proof." "I can drive this baby into a brick wall doing 125 miles an hour." "Just for the experience." "Why is your passenger seat in a box?" "this is a movie car." "director wants to put a camera in the car... shoot the crash from the inside." "That's where you put the camera." "They call it a "crash box." "There you go. you didn't mention your car didn't have a passenger seat." "I didn't ask to drive you home." "Yes." "Pam... putting my hand on your knee." "That is a bright side." "I thought so." "Pam... which way are you going?" " Left or right?" " Right." "that's too bad." "Why?" "because it was a 50/50 shot on whether you 'd be going left or right." "we're both going left. it would have been a while before you started getting scared." "I'm afraid... you're gonna have to start getting scared... immediately." "What the fuck?" "!" "Cocksucking motherfucker!" "Just fucking let me out of here!" "I'll fucking rip your fucking..." "Stop the fucking car!" "Why are you being such a shit?" "Okay." "Here's the thing." "I get it." "and super funny." "I'll never tell anybody because I know it's a joke." "I know all about jokes." "Ha ha ha!" "I promise everything'll be fine." "Just... just... just let me out." "Please?" "Pam!" "Remember when I said this car was death proof?" "that wasn't a lie." "This car is 100% death proof." "honey... you really need to be sittin' in my seat." "Now I gotta catch me my other girlfriends." "no." "Mick and Tich." "you got it?" "right?" "Good boy." "Growl!" "Bye-bye." "Who do you want to hear?" "and Tich." "Who?" "and Tich." "Who the fuck are they? and Pete." "he should have." "That's my boy!" "count to three ♪" "♪ Gotta stay close by me ♪ sing and shout ♪" "♪ Just ride my roundabout ♪ shut your eyes ♪ you suit me for size... ♪" "♪ Forget the other guys ♪" "♪ You'll never fall each time you call ♪ hold tight ♪" "♪ Hold tight... ♪ what you say is for real ♪ carousel ♪ you'll soon ring my bell ♪ we will fly ♪ swinging high... ♪" "♪ We're gonna make the sky ♪" "♪ You'll never fall ♪" "I want to hear this part of the song louder!" "Do you remember anything?" "Uh..." "I..." "I don't remember." "Doctor Block." "Self-restraints to Room 310." "Self-restraints to Room 310." "Dr. Block?" "I don't really see it's any of your business." "Sis." "You just tell us." "How bad is he?" "He got banged up real good." "smashed up his left index finger." "Is that it?" "He was real lucky." "That'll be all?" "Dr. Block." "Son of a bitch." "Pop." "What do you think? what I think is so goddamn ghoulish I hesitate to speak it out loud." "give it a shot." "what we have here is a case of vehicular homicide." "That ol' boy in there murdered them pretty little gals." "but they're dead just the same." "what are you gonna do?" "Not a goddamn thing." "D.A. says there ain't no crime here. and old Hooper in there came out clean as a whistle." "you actually think that he premeditatively murdered them gals?" "I can't prove it." "and I do." "he got pretty banged up himself." "but goddamn... them pretty little gals in there look like a goddamn giant chewed 'em up and spit 'em out." "Did any of 'em survive?" "Shit. flesh and bone and plain old Newton... they all princess died." "Why?" "I'd guesstimate it's a sex thing." "The only way I can figure it. all four souls taken exactly the same time." "Probably the only way that diabolical degenerate can shoot his goo." "I think the only thing we can dream of getting that bastard on is vehicular manslaughter for the hitchhiker in the death box." "goddamn reckless endangerment." "But I got me a goddamn bartender gonna testify that ol' Stuntman Mike didn't drink a drop all night. and she asked him for the fucking ride." "this is gonna look like he was just trying to help her out." "that's the way the jury's gonna see it." "Pop?" "Tsk. prove my theory." "Alert authorities." "I go." "Or I could spend the same goddamn amount of time and energy following the NASCAR circuit." "Hmm." "I've thought about it a lot." "I think I'd have a hell of a lot happier life if I did the latter." "And just because I can't I'm gonna tell you like the Lord told John... I can make goddamn sure he don't do it in Texas." "♪ You know you're sliding down ♪" "♪ Against your heart ♪ you got one ♪" "♪ Just close your eyes ♪" "♪ So you can see ♪" "♪ So you can see ♪" "I don 't care ♪ it's so easy ♪" "I don 't care ♪ it's so easy ♪" "it's comin' on ♪" "♪ It's getting sweeter ♪" "♪ And sweeter ♪" "♪ If you're gonna drown ♪" "♪ Then do it the right way ♪" "♪ The right way ♪ it's so easy ♪" "it's so... ♪ he's on the fourth." " And who's in whose room?" " He's in mine." "And so what happened then?" "and then I sent him off to his room." "he's damn good." "smooth fingertips." "I love them mushy lips. kisses me from behind." "that sounds sexy!" "It was sexy." "But then that was it?" "You sent him off?" "How'd he take it?" "what are we doing here?" "I need coffee." "can you get some more vodka and sugar-free Red Bull?" "We didn't know you were awake." "I'm not awake." "I'm asleep." "But get some more vodka and some sugar-free Red Bull anyway." "And some Red Apple Tans." "I didn't stop to get you bitches groceries." " You remember how to get to the airport?" "Uh-huh." "'cause you gonna drive." "Motherfuckers." "They ain't got sugar-free Red Bull." "They got regular Red Bull and sugar-free G.O. juice." "G.O. G.O.!" "♪ It's not the way you kiss that says you're mine ♪" "many nights go by ♪" "♪ I sit alone at home and cry over you ♪" "♪ What can I do ♪ nobody ♪ it's you ♪" "♪ Is it true what they say ♪" "♪ All about you ♪" "♪ They say you'll never ever never be true ♪" "♪ It doesn't matter what they say ♪" "♪ I know I'm gonna love you any old way ♪" "♪ What would I do ♪" "♪ Without you ♪" "♪ I don't want nobody... ♪" "Where the hell are my keys?" "Here they are." "I didn't mean to give you a concert there." "it wasn't you." "That guy bumped into my feet when he walked by." "but that kind of creeped me out." "♪ I don't care what they saying to me ♪" "Little dick." "Clearly." "I might as well hit the ATM." "Get me a fuckin' smoke." "What?" "Did you just see the..." "What?" "honey." "Y'ello." "It's me." "Miss me?" "You best get your ass off Kim's car." " I've seen Kim sit on it before." " Her ass ain't your ass." "I think I'm in this month's issue of Allure." "You got Allure?" "Magazines by the window." "Here you are!" "you." "See you in a second." "$3.85... out of 20." "And you get 16 and change back." "Thank you very much." "I got other fashion magazines for sale behind the counter." "that's okay." "This'll be all." "Thought I'd ask." " Thanks anyway." " Have a good one." "I got this month's issue of Italian Vogue." "This month's?" "Listen to this." "The Circle A clerk has this month's issue of Italian Vogue." " No way." " Way!" "I can't believe fuckin' Circle A carries Italian Vogue." "It doesn't." "It's his own personal copy." "He'll let it go for 27 bucks." "27 bucks?" "What the fuck do you care?" "We're talking about per diem here." "Tennessee." "We're lucky he's not asking for fuckin' Krugerrands." "and we're splitting it three ways." "and Kim?" "Kim doesn't give a shit about Italian Vogue." "will. and I'm not talking Kinko's." "You take it to the art department and have them do it fuckin' right." "Whoo!" "my God!" "Got it!" "...the actress... boy." "Zoë." "It just so happens we're all three off-duty for the next three days." "Fuckin' hell!" "How does that happen?" "and she's off for the next three days. and Lee's on a will-notify for the four days." "So how's the shoot going?" "Great." "We're having the best time." "is so fun." "We're making the coolest movie and partying all the time." "yeah." "The next job after this one is definitely gonna suck." "ladies." "Set romances!" "Who's getting it off?" "That would be Lee and Toolbox." "Toolbox!" "Name sounds promising." " He's a grip." " What he is is a pervert." "he just keeps sounding better and better." "What's his perversion?" "He likes to watch me pee." "♪ Lee is sitting on a toilet and Toolbox is watching her pee ♪" "♪ P-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪" "Ooh!" "but not no more." "Now she's getting it on with the Rock." "You had a one-off with the Rock?" "not the real Rock." "He's this electrician named Bruce." "so we all just call him the Rock." "this is an all-star crew." "too." "dick department." "Let's hear it!" "no dick this trip." "I got a man." " How long have you had this boyfriend?" " About three months." "Who'd you steal him from?" "Nobody!" "Kim!" " Wha... what?" "He totally had a girlfriend." "All of Kim's boyfriends start out as somebody else's boyfriend." "I did not steal him!" "I didn't steal any of them;" "they just... jumped ship." "Abbie's got the big Kahuna." "I had a set crush on Cecil." "please." "You were his set wife!" "here." "you two are still into each other and you know it." "why did he fuck Darryl Hannah's stand-in?" "it's so funny!" "it's so funny!" "Stop acting all hurt." "Your ass just mad." "he's a stand-in fucker." "You need to get over that shit." "That was two weeks ago." "now you put it like that..." "I haven't told you the best part." "He fucked her on my birthday." "that's a horse of a different color." " Thank you." " Did he know it was your birthday?" "he's the director." "He's kind of busy." "and he got me a present." " Wow." " Yeah..." "I think he knew." "What did he get you?" "He made me a tape." "He made you a tape?" "he didn't burn you a CD?" "He made you a tape?" "that is so romantic!" "so don't even go there." "This sounds like the test of true love to me." "I know you guys like him." "He's likeable." "But he fucked another woman on my birthday." "How can you not be on my side?" "that sounds bad." "It is bad!" "It just sounds like there's a little more to it than that." "Were you two fucking?" "no." "is your name Abernathy?" "Sorry." "of course not." "of course not"?" "The reason Cecil hasn't had a girlfriend in six years you don't become one of his girlfriends... I wouldn't be." "and I'm getting too fuckin' old for that shit." " Have you let him do anything?" " Yes! I've let him hold my hand. but he just acting like a man." "You need to break that nigga off a piece." "Let me get this straight... but Darryl Hannah's stand-in is?" "Can we just take my sex life off the table?" "it was Cecil's sex life that was on the table... and your lack of one." "Fuck both of you and your little high-five. and you can start by giving that motherfucker a hand job in the back of the van on Tuesday." "I'm not gonna do that!" "I know you won't!" "But you know who will... the bitch that ends up living in that big-ass mansion of his. but it is true if you've stretched it out like you have with Cecil it blows their mind." "and I are in the Philippines at an outdoor rave." "What were you working on?" " Three Kicks to the Head." "Part Three." "we're a little fucked up." "Cheers to that." " Word." "Cheers." "So Zoë... wants to take a picture of me." "and you can't see shit." "Step back a little!" "So I do." "Then "A little fu-ther!" "So I step back a little fu-ther." "Then "A little more!" So I do." "Then I realize I'm at the edge of a seven-foot concrete ditch with God knows how many rocks I probably would have broken my neck." "you almost killed me! and Zoë starts fuckin' around." "And... bam!" "...if she doesn't fall in the fucking ditch!" "Nice." "Thank you." "Yep." "Thank you." "There's that ditch Abbie was talking about." "you know." "What happened?" "the cat?" "Nothing." "they would have had to helicopter me out of there." "Zoë just lands on her feet." "But then later I started feeling a little bad about myself..." "Zoë falls in the ditch and it's nothing." "We're laughing about it." "I probably would have been paralyzed." "you can't think like that." "and that just happens to be one of Zoë's." "Zoë is amazing." "nimbleness?" "There's few human beings that can fuck with Zoë on that front." "I like you too. you 're missing the most important part of that story." "You didn't fall in the ditch." "Zoë did. and she still fell in." "So Lee's right." "We all have our talents." "I resemble that remark." "you still pack a Roscoe?" "bitch." "mate." " I know this." "What's a Roscoe?" "Roscoe's a pistol." " You carry a gun?" " Uh-huh." "You have a license to carry?" "they gave me a license." "I didn't know you were... all right?" "Stop looking at me." "God." "Did you know Kim carried a gun?" "do I approve?" "No." "Do I know?" "Yes. a bitch need a gun." "You can't get around the fact that people who carry guns tend to get shot more than people who don't." "And you can't get around the fact that if I go down to the laundry room" "I might get my ass raped." "Don't do your laundry at midnight." "Fuck that!" "I wanna do my laundry whenever the fuck I want to." "There are other things you can carry other than a gun." "Pepper spray." "I don't want to give him a skin rash." "I wanna shut that nigga down!" "at least?" "you know what happens to motherfuckers carry knives?" "They get shot!" "I won't carry a gun. it's Wild West." "you thought about what you want to do first?" "It just so happens I know exactly what I want to do." "really?" "And what would that be?" "there's no point in being in America unless you can drive a Detroit muscle car." "balls out. but does it have to be a Dodge Challenger?" "Not just that." "It has to be a 1970 Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine." "How in the fuck do you expect to do that?" "mate." "I've got it all worked out." "I went online and found out that the local paper here in Tennessee is the Lebanon News Sentinel." "where's home?" "Australia?" "mate?" "and you never... never..." "call a Kiwi an Aussie." "unless you want your ass kicked." "I'm so sorry." "I will nev... it's okay." "mate." "to answer your question." "I subscribed to the local paper a month ago." "Why the fuck you want a local redneck newspaper in New Zealand?" "Pipe down and I'll tell you. some dude is selling a stock 1970 Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine and a white paint job." "And you wanna buy it?" "but I'm not bloody stupid." "I wanna say I wanna buy it so he'll let me test-drive it." "A 1970 Dodge Challenger with a white paint job?" "Kowalski!" "it's a fucking classic!" "If I can get this guy" "I will blow the doors off that bitch." "What's Vanishing Point?" "What's Vanishing Point?" "I'm supposed to be the illiterate one." "It's just one of the best American movies ever made." "most girls wouldn't know Vanishing Point." "Excuse me." "Most girls?" "What the fuck are you two?" "we're gearheads." "Of course we watched it." "Y'all grew up watching that Pretty in Pink shit." "I liked Pretty in Pink." "so you didn't watch John Hughes movies?" "too..." "Vanishing Point." "Dirty Mary Crazy Larry." " Gone in 60 Seconds..." " Oh... not that Angelina Jolie bullshit." "We have an outdoor theater in Auckland that plays Vanishing Point." "all the classics." "What do you horny gals want?" "you got a 1970 Dodge Challenger for sale?" "ladies." "This shit is off the fuckin' hook!" "mate." "I'd like to have a word with my associate." "You ladies take your time." "What are you waiting for?" "Ask him to let you drive it by yourself." "but first I need to ask you something." "What?" "I wanna play Ship's Mast." "no!" " Keep it down!" "Ain't no way I'm doing Ship's Mast." " For Chrissakes..." " Don't blaspheme." "Sorry." "what did you say after the last time?" "I know what I said." " What did you say?" " I know I said we shouldn't..." " No." "You didn't say we shouldn't." "You said we ain't ever gonna do that again." "my ass! but that I had permission to physically restrain your ass if necessary." "did you or did you not say that?" "motherfucker." "I said that." " However..." " Whatever with your "however." "and I know I meant it..." "Damn skippy you meant it!" "I didn't mean in America!" "please." " For real." "Really." "I meant we should never play Ship's Mast again in New Zealand or Australia." "You are such a liar! had the opportunity to play Ship's Mast on the Vanishing Point Challenger..." "I would have added a "however." "Right?" "I actually understood that." "just because you talked yourself into some stupid shit doesn't mean I have lost my goddamn mind." "and I ain't playing." "I'll be your best friend." "I don't need me no best friend lives on the other side of Planet Earth." "I'll crack your back." "You'll crack it anyway." "of course I'll crack it anyway." "I'll be your back-cracking slave." "you've got it." "You don't even have to ask." "get over here and get busy." "you moisturize my butt." "Deal." "We're gonna see if this guy'll let us take the car out without him." "you wait here with Lee and we'll be back in a moment." "What?" " I said we're gonna see if this guy'll let..." " I heard what you said." "I just can't believe what you said." "You two got some fuckin' balls." "What?" "Don't play dumbass with me." "and I have a hangover." "I'm here." "scratch that... tell me" "I gotta go make conversation with Tom Joad while the cool kids get to go out and play?" "Bullshit on that." "Kim?" "You guys are our collateral." "He's never gonna go for it if we all go." "I really think one human being will be collateral enough." "You're not gonna want to do what we're doing." "drive a car?" "We're doing more than that." "drive it fast?" "We're doing more than that." "'cause we gonna do some stupid shit." "But that's okay." "We're stunt people." "We ain't got good sense." "and anybody with good sense" " ain't gonna want to do what we're doing." " How do you know?" "'Cause you're a mum." "Yeah. so what is it you two daredevils are doing that I'm just so uncool I couldn't possibly understand? so maybe it's best if we don't go into detail about it while he's watching us." "Besides... anyway." "how about this?" "but I go along." " How you gonna do that?" " That's my problem." "But don't worry." "He'll say yes." "blow him?" "No." "I'm gonna insinuate that Lee's gonna blow him." "That's a good one." "Not really." "But let me handle it." "We got a deal?" "listen up." "You wanna hang with the cool kids?" "You got to be cool." "you don't say shit." "You don't even say crap." "you understand?" "now." "and picking you up later." "Agreed." "Okay." "Go work your magic." "sir." " Hello." "what's your name?" " Jasper." "I'm Abernathy." " Aber what?" " Abernathy." " What's your first name?" " That is my first name." " What kind of first name is that?" " Just call me Abbie." "Abbie." "we were wondering if my friends and I could take the car out just to see if we're comfortable." "Why would I do something stupid like that?" "To better sell your automobile." "How do I know y'all ain't just gonna steal it?" "actually. we're staying at the Days Inn in town... check with management." "We're registered for the next month." "so we're totally track-downable." "Who's Kim?" "The colored girl?" "Yes." "Kim would be the girl of color." "And reason number four..." "and the most important: that'll give you a better opportunity to get acquainted with our other friend..." "Lee." "Why does she look kind of familiar?" "That would be because she's a famous actress." "Hmm." "Why's she dressed like that? and she's one of the cheerleaders." "What's a cheerleader movie?" "A movie about cheerleaders." "Is it a porno movie?" "but don't mention it." "She's shy." "Lee." "you two kids stay out of trouble." "good-looking." "Be back to pick you up later." "Ta-ta!" "Gulp." "You thinking what I'm thinking?" "I think I'm thinking it." "What are you and you thinking?" "I'm thinking we told your ass to shut the fuck up." " Where y'all going?" " You stay put." "I gotta take a... you ready to do this?" "You sure?" "I always don't want to do it right before I'm gonna do it." "'cause I don't wanna do it." "Kim!" " I'm just saying." " If you 're gonna take the piss out of it..." "I'm just saying." "You wanna start out on top?" "Practically doesn't count if you start on the top." "Here are your gloves." "no." "I'm wearing a jacket." "This is my jacket." "ain't you supposed to be my slave or some shit?" " Come on." " I'm the one who's on the bonnet." "my ass." "You on the hood." "I think I hear a car coming." "Give me your belt." "This is my cute shit." "Fuck that." "Get Abernathy's belt." "we'll use Abbie's belt." " Give me your belt." " No." "Prada." "give her the belt." " Magic word." " Please give her the belt?" "Just 'cause you asked nicely." "Kim!" "Whatever." "You know what?" "Don't think about asking me to do your hair. because that's what you do when no one else is looking." "You ain't that hard." " I ain't getting..." " Abernathy." "Don't get on my nerves right now." " I got shit on my mind." "Ooh!" "I ain't six." "It's cold." "Can we roll up one of these windows?" "KIM and ZOË:" "No." "Abernathy." "Check this out." "What the fuck are you guys doing?" "What does that mean?" "Whoa!" "you black bitch!" "Faster!" "That fast enough for your bony ass?" "Whoo-hoo!" "Whoa ho ho ho!" "Oh!" "get your ass up here." "Whoa!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Alrighty." "whoa!" "go!" "Go!" "bitch." "You want it fucking faster?" "Whoo-hoo!" "Yah hoo hoo!" "Yah hoo hoo!" "my God." " What the fuck?" "Shit." "Damn it!" "Now." "Did you do something to him?" "Say something?" "Nothing!" "Shit." "Zoë." "He's coming!" "Aah!" "oh shit!" "No!" "Zoë!" "my God." "Zoë!" " Oh!" "Hold on!" " I can't!" "motherfucker!" "Zoë!" "Zoë!" " I'm sorry I called you a black bitch!" " I forgive you." "Hold the fuck on!" "get away!" "shit." "I can't see." "I can't see!" "move your leg!" "come on!" "Redneck lunatic bastard!" "Get away from me!" "fucking legs!" "my God." "Kim." "I'm really scared." "just hold on." "Watch your feet!" "You wanna get hot?" " Fucking son of a bitch!" " You wanna get hot?" "bitch!" "Zoë!" "Goddamn it!" "you cocksucker!" "Leave us alone!" "motherfucker!" "Fuck you!" "Zoë!" "Hold on!" "Zoë!" "Zoë!" "Look out!" "bitch." "hold on!" "He's right on your fucking ass!" "Hey!" "Whoo-hoo!" "that was fun." "adios." "Ow!" "Fuck!" "Shit!" "Fuck!" "Run away with your ass!" "motherfucker!" "That bitch!" "I'm okay!" "shit!" "Goddamn it!" "you fuckin' bitch!" "Of course you are." "Of course you are." "What was I thinking?" "the fucking cat!" "Whew." "That was a close one." "where's the maniac?" "I shot him and his punk ass sped off." "You wanna go get him?" "hell yeah!" "Honey..." "I think you might want to get out." "Fuck that shit." "Let's kill this bastard." "get your ass in the back." "Let's go." "Where the fuck you going?" "I'll be back!" "This'll smart." "Sweet." "Let's go." "bitch." "Come on." "Bring that shit." "then!" "Yeah!" "God!" "Come on!" "Come on." "no!" "Ah!" "Do it." "Do it." "Do it." "no!" "no!" "God!" "man." "What did you..." "what am I... what are you gonna do?" "Take him down!" "Now where do you think you're going?" "Fuckin' fuck you!" "Where do you think you're fucking going?" "What the fuck do you think..." "Come here!" "Go!" "Whoo-hoo!" "motherfucking cocksucker?" "gonna wiggle it at me?" "you redneck lunatic bastard?" "Aah!" "gonna bust a nut up in this bitch right now!" "I'm the horniest motherfucker on the road!" "bitch!" "Did you just hit a boat?" "get him!" "Get that motherfucker!" "move!" "Motherfucker!" "I'm 'bout to bust a nut up in this bitch... watch it." "♪ Tapping that ass tapping that ass ♪" "♪ Tapping that tapping that tapping... ♪" "Aah!" "Bastard." "you know I can't let you go... without tapping that ass." "fuck me!" " One..." " Kim?" "...more..." " Kim?" "...time!" "Boo-yah!" "bitch!" "come on!" "Yah!" "come on!" "motherfucker." "We back." "bitch!" "Shit." "Come on!" "Here's Cha Cha!" "You've been such a lunatic bastard!" "I'm sorry!" "What?" "I didn't mean anything." "I was just playing around." "he was just playing around!" "I ain't playing with you!" "Whoa!" "look out." "What's your sign?" "shit!" "shit." "don't run." "This baby's on speed!" "Whoa!" "yeah!" "Yeah!" "it's about time." "go!" "Please don't dead-end." "Please don't dead end." "Please don't dead-end." "Please don't dead-end." "Please don't dead-end." "Please don't dead-end." "Please don't dead-end." "Please don't dead-end." "there the motherfucker is." "go!" "get him!" "Unh!" "help me!" "Be careful." "My right arm's broken." "This one?" "you want some shit?" "kiss my fucking ass." "Uhn!" "Yah!" "Mother... fucker!" "Motherfucker!" "Asshole!"