"Subtitles by Johnny Depp" "When you wish upon a star" "Makes no difference who you are" "Anything your heart desires" "Will come to you" "If your heart is in your dream" "No request is too extreme" "When you wish" "Upon a star" "As dreamers do" "Boy, talk about your lucky puppet." "I'd give anything if only I could become... a real live boy like that Pinocchio." "Aah!" "Is that what you wish for above all other things, dear Spot?" "Oh, yes, dear Blue Fairy." "Being a real live boy is the most important thing... in the whole wide world to me." "Then close your eyes very tightly, dear Spot... and wish for it with all your heart." "I wish I was a boy." "I wish I was a boy." "I wish I was a" "Ow, you're hurting me, dear Blue Fairy." "I ain't no fairy!" "And it's time to get up." "Sorry, Pretty Boy." "It's just that I was having the most wonderful dream." "Him with the dream again." "It's not enough you dress up like a boy... and go to that cockamamie school every day!" "No. "I want to be a boy." "I want to be a boy. "" "Well, wise up, pupchik!" "I want to be a rooster in a henhouse... but I don't see it happenin'!" "Although I'd be a darn good one, wouldn't I, Mr. Jolly?" "Ohhh..." "la." "It's a bit early in the day... for hypothetical speculations, but... you?" "A rooster?" "It is to laugh." "Who asked you, tuna breath?" "You're still in bed?" "!" "Come on, get up." "You don't want to be late... for the last day of school, do you?" "And ruin my perfect attendance record?" "I don't think so." "Come on, let's go!" " Pants?" " Check." " Shirt?" " Check." " Tail." " Tucked." " Eyebrows?" " Plucked!" " Ears in cap?" " Ooh, a table scrap." " Chow?" " Demolished." " Apple?" " Polished!" "World, here I come!" "Ha!" "Born on the wrong end of the leash" "I was a dreamer" "And a little schemer" "A simple mutt livin' a dog's life" "But the bell for school would make me drool" "Till I came up with this clever ploy" "Which is to say, dressing like a boy" "Now he thinks he can take other pets a peg down" "Hey, I'm a dog who's learned to keep his leg down" "I gotta be a boy" "He's so over just being Rover" "Gotta be a boy" "This teacher's pet thinks that he's a boy" "He da bomb." " He's a regular whiz kid" " Yeah, but" "Hey, that's how it is, kid" "Now that summer's here" "You'll be a dog like any other" "Leonard, haven't you always wanted a brother?" "I want to have a dog" " Hey, I'm off the leash now" " He's eating quiche now" "Gotta be a boy" "A boy and nothing but a boy" "Nothing but a boy" "Don't you think you're stretching?" "Quit your kvetching" "Gotta be a boy" "Spot, you can fake it, but you'll never be a boy" "But soft, could what he said be true?" "Is this really just a phase I'm going through?" "I sure hope so." "Shall I go back to serving man?" "Eat wholesome dinners from a can?" "Who needs French and scoring goals?" "Come on, let's bark and dig some holes" "What am I, nuts?" "Leonard, wake up and smell the kibble!" "I gotta be a boy" " Spot, sit and stay now" " What did you say now?" "He's gotta be a boy" " I've got to be" " It's not to be" " I long to be" " You're wrong to be" " It's great to be" " Great trait to be" " We'd hate to be" " Can't wait to be" " My mate-to-be" " Too late to be" "It's my fate to be" "A boy" "A dog" " A boy, a boy" " A dog, a dog" " A boy, boy, boy" " Dog, dog, dog, dog" " Boy" " Dog" "Bo-o-o-oy" "Boy!" "Congratulations, Scott Leadready ll... on winning the fourth grade perfect attendance medal!" "Thank you, Mrs. Helperman." "It's just the thing... to compliment my math medal, history medal... and science medal." "Not to mention my medal for self-esteem." "Ohh!" "Well, it's been a gosh darned jubilatious joy teaching you!" " And all of you." " Uhh!" "Oh, foo." "I promised myself I wouldn't cry." "I'm just going to miss you... all so much." "Mom!" "I told you a million times... no hugs at school!" "Oh, sorry, doodlebug." "I mean... dude, don't bug me." "Anyhoo, what yummy, fun plans... does everyone have for this summer?" "I'm going to my Granny Smith's Granny Smith apple farm." "We're skating' 24/7." "I'm grounded for a week for hacking into Buckingham Palace." "But after that, I get to visit my uncle Ivan... who does strange and disgusting experiments... on animals and people." "I mean, who knows?" "Maybe next time I see you guys..." "I'll be able to breath through my neck like an amphibian!" "Aah!" "You're so weird, Ian." "Wait'll you see me with gills!" "Heh!" "Hottie!" "Aah!" "Ahh!" "This summer." "Yeah, I know what I'm doin'- just playin' with my best friend." "Hey!" "Aah!" "Yeah, best friends forever." "Calm down, angel eyes." "Now, poppy can't make his announcement... with your sharp little talons in his Adam's apple!" "Now, students of the, uh, um..." "Fourth grade, Principal Strickler." "But soon to be fifth grade!" "That's why I'm glad I'm a principal." "None of this messy student/teacher involvement." "They grow, they leave- good riddance." "But I suppose it is just that sort of... bushy-gushy loving teacher stuff... that leads to this announcement." "Hmph!" "Mrs. Mary Lou Helperman, you have been selected... as a finalist for the Teacher of the Year award!" "Neato!" "That's right, it's the N.E.A.T.O.- the National Excellent American Teacher Organization award!" "Way to go, Mom!" "And that's not all, Mary Lou Helperman!" "As a finalist... the Fala D. Roosevelt Unified School District... will be sending you to compete... in the final round of competition... in beautiful sunny southern Florida!" "Florida!" "And the fun doesn't end there, Mary Lou Helperman." "Oh, no." "Because you'll be travelling... to the Sunshine State in the luxury... of my very own personal air-conditioned Wentawaygo!" "Yes, it's all yours." "Mi Wentawaygo es su Wentawaygo." "I only have one, uh, heh, little, tiny, very simple rule" "Certainly, Principal Strickler." "Absolutely no dogs are allowed in my Wentawaygo, ever!" "I Ihate dogs!" "Well, I guess this is the time to say good-bye." "Oh, come on, don't make it harder." "Don't give me those big, sad dog eyes." "They're the only eyes I got, Leonard." "The eyes of a dog- a dog who's not going anywhere." "Just staying home... by himself... here... alone!" "The dog." "But you're not going to be alone." "You've got Pretty Boy and Jolly... and Mrs. Boogin's the nicest pet-sitter in the whole world." "And besides, it's only for two weeks." "Yeah, in boy-time, two weeks... but everything in dog-time is seven times longer... so for me it's fourteen weeks." "It might as well be forever." "Man, this really stinks." "You should smell it from down here." "OK, just two weeks, then I'm back... and it's you and me, best friends... together, all summer long." "Aw, jeez, you're gonna sing now, aren't you?" "I know it's been said" "Oh, boy." "Everyone needs someone" "This is not making it better." "A loyal companion" "To share in life's fun" "You're killing me here." "For a day at the park" "Or a game of leapfrog" "Sing it with me, Spot." "I thought you'd never ask." "A friend needs a friend" "A boy needs a dog" "Leonard!" "Come on, Lenny-bones, hop in!" "Let's skit-skat-skedoodle!" "Florida's not gonna come to us, you know?" "Mwah!" "Bye, Spotty-wots!" "Be a good doggie!" "Whoa!" "Don't forget your sun block." "John?" "MAN ON TV." "Mancia?" " Jolhn!" " Mancia!" "Yawn!" "Mush-a!" " Jolhn?" " Mancia?" "You stupid people with no lives... are watching "The Barry Anger Show"!" " Aah!" " Aah!" "Hi, I'm Barry Anger... and today on the hot seat, we have Dr. Ivan Krank... a world-class wacko who- get this- claims he can turn animals into human beings!" "Huh?" "Turn animals into human beings?" "My dream come true!" "Oh, now, how did this trash get on my TV?" "Where's my clicker?" "Oh, for goodness sakes, where did I put that?" "Hey!" "Oh, silly me, I must have left it in the kitchen." "Well, good excuse to get us all some more yummies!" "Moochie poochie!" "God love her for the food, but that woman is definitely... a couple of caraways short of a seed bell." "Shh!" "Look!" "Direct from Florida, where the cuckoo nuts grow... the world's biggest wacko, Dr. Ivan Krank!" "I am not a wacko!" "I am a man of science, who has perfected... the neuro-electrical, photo-pulsar-based... methodology to isolate the genome on the dna strand... which will allow me to transform dumb animals... into dumb human beings- just like you!" "Wow, it's my dream come true!" "AUDIENCE." "Wacko!" "Wacko!" "Wacko!" "Wacko!" "Wacko!" "Wacko!" "No!" "You are the wackos... if you don't believe that the possibilities... for change in this world are infinite!" "And I'll prove it!" "As soon as I find the perfect animal subject... to turn into a real live human being!" "Me, Dr. Krank, me!" "Hey, smart boy, let me explain how TV works." "We can hear them, but they can't hear us." "I've got to meet that man." "He's the one chance I have to finally make... my lifelong dream come true!" "But he's all the way in Florida... where Leonard and his mom are headed right now!" "What a coinkidink." "Coinkidink, Mr. Jolly?" "Coinkidink?" "That I just happened to lay on that clicker... and change to that channel and see that miracle man... who just happens to live in Florida... where Leonard and his mom just happen to be going as we speak?" "Coinkidink, Mr. Jolly..." "or fate?" "Cover for me with the pet-sitter, guys." "I'm goin' to Florida!" "Aah!" "Cover with the pet-sitter?" "But how?" "We have no experience!" "And we have no time to prepare!" "Oh, dear me!" "Oh, this is bad." "This is very bad." "How will we ever pull it off?" "Oh!" "La la la la" "Ooh!" "Oh, mercy, Spot!" "I almost sat on you!" "Do you love mommy?" "I think we can handle it." "Come on, Leonard, let's play a game." ""20 questions. " I'll start." "Here's your hint." "It's someone you love." "What?" "Spot?" "Wow, good guess!" "No, I saw him!" "With my own eyes!" "Oh, you want to play that game." "Ha ha ha!" "All righty, I spy with my little eye" "Spot!" "No, come on, honey, Spot can't be the answer every time." "Mom, you gotta stop!" "Ooh, ooh, you're right." "We do." "We need gas." "OK, you fill 'er up, sweetie." "I've got to go powder my nose." "Cleanliness is next to godliness... but gas station bathrooms are not." "Spot?" "Spot?" "Where are you?" "Oh, no..." "Lose something, bunky?" "Spot!" "Ha!" "You're OK!" "I can't believe it!" "What are you doing here?" "I had to come, Lenny!" "How could I stay away?" "I just love you so much and wanted to be with you so bad." "A friend needs a friend." "A boy needs a dog." "OK, I also need a lift to Florida... for my own self-serving reasons... but why spoil this beautiful moment with that?" "I love ya!" "I want to be with ya!" "Mmm, give us another hug!" "Oh, Spot, good ol' boy!" "Hey, wait a second." "Are you crazy?" "You heard what Principal Strickler said... about no dogs in his Wentawaygo." "And here comes my mom right now!" "What are we gonna do, Spot?" " Spot?" " Did you just say Spot?" "No, Mrs. Helperman, he said Scott!" "As in Scott Leadready ll, your old pal from back home!" "Who'da thunk it and fancy meeting me here." "He's good." "Oh, Scott, I've missed you." "Really, Mrs. H?" "How much?" "Enough to take me on the rest of your trip... to sunny southern Florida?" "Heh heh!" " Could we, Mom?" " Well, of course not, honey." "Scott's obviously traveling with his family." "What family?" "Oh!" "My family!" "Sure, I'm traveling with my family." "My whole family- Mom, sis, Grandma..." "Uncle Jojo, the ventriloquist, his dummy Floyd" "My family!" "Ooh, I love 'em!" "I love 'em, but darn the luck, wouldn't you know... they can't go to Florida, because-because why?" "There's been an emergency?" "Good." "I mean, it's a good emergency." "The kind where they all have to go home... but I can still go to Florida with you." "Which is the good part, so, come on, let's hit the road!" "Well, hmm, I'd certainly need to discuss it... with your mother first." "Oy, you don't make this easy." "She'll meet you right over there." "Slhe just. ulh." "Ihas to get dnessed." "Ooh, jeez!" "What I have to go through to become a real live boy!" "Ooh!" "SPO T. Wlhy." "Many Lou Helpenman!" "Hello and Ihalleloo!" "Ha ha ha!" "If you weren't just sent from heaven above... to take our dear little Scott to Flor" "I'm sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Leadready... but do you want to hear the funniest thing?" "I brought that exact same dress on this trip." "Oh, that is funny." "You're a stitch!" "Anyway, back to poor Scott." "He so desperately wants to go to Florida." "And I believe I packed that same shade of lipstick, too!" "Really?" "What a coinkidink!" "Anyway, as I was saying" "And those earrings look awfully familiar." "Are you gonna take him or not?" "!" "Darlin'." "Well, gee, shouldn't we check with the rest of your family?" "Oy." "The rest of my" "I'll see who's round the corner!" "Yeah, yeah, I tell ya" "Thanks, gals." "Missus, please take Scott... to sunny southern Florida... so I can have some peace from all his merciless teasing!" "Young lady, I missed my chance to see Florida... when I was the boy's age... and look what a bitter old woman I turned out to be!" "You must be Scott's" "I can't talk to you!" "I'm too bitter!" "Hoity-toity-toity-toity-toi." "An' 'tis wishing' I am that some fine soul... would take me Scotty boy to Florida." "Uncle Jojo the ventriloquist?" "'Tis!" "And where's your dummy Floyd?" "Great St. Patty's shillelagh!" "The little leprechaun must be around here somewhere." "OK, you be Floyd." " Me?" "I don't know what to do!" " Just shut up and act dumb!" " What?" " Perfect!" "Mrs. Helperman, meet dummy Floyd." "Take our Scott, please!" "Oh, ha ha ha!" "Ohh, Leonard's gotta see this." "Where'd he go?" "And where's Scott?" "Oh, I'll find 'em, Colleen... providing' you'll hie me fine nephew to fair Florida." "Well, of course, I'll take him!" "I've been planning to take him all along." "And you couldn't have just said that... to the lady in the flowery dress?" "Saints preserve us!" "Say good-bye, Floyd!" "Top o' the mornin' to ya!" "Hey, I do the cliched Irish dialogue around here." " So, whassup?" " So, whassup?" "Well, Scott, it looks like you are coming with us to Florida!" " Yes!" " Yes!" "I'm on my way to Florida!" "Come on, everyone!" "Time's a-wastin'!" "Let's hit the road and sing a song about it!" "What is it with this family and singing?" "I'm starting to feel von trapped." "There's a whole bunch of world in our backyard" "An awful lot of world to see" "Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas" "And now the states that start with "C" And "D"" "California, Colorado, and Connecticut" "Dear Delaware, the very first state" "Ohh" "Florida and Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho" "Where they grow a lot of trout and potato" "Right smack in the middle, little Illinois" "Indiana and Iowa, too" "There's Kansas and Kentucky, and way down south" "Louisiana is shaped like a shoe" "And still a lot of states to do, whew!" "Eight states start with "M", now let's name them" "Maine, Maryland, and Massachoooo-setts" "Mich, Minneso, Mississipp, Show me mo" "Montana, now we're more than halfway through" "Nebraska, Nevada, and the "News"" "Hampshire, Jersey, Mexico, and York" "Now the "Norths", Carolina and Dakota" "Where Sacajawea guided Lewis and Clark" "Ohio, Oklahoma, and Oregon" "Pennsylvania, where they wrote the Constitution" "Little Rhode Island and South Carolina" "Where the rebels tried to start a revolution" "South Dakota, Tennessee, and next to Mexico" "Texas, where they have a lot of cows" "Utah, green Vermont, and old Virginny" "Where George Washington took his first bow, wow!" "We're all the way to "W" now" "Washington, West Virginia and Wisconsin" "I don't know how much higher I can sing" "But that's OK 'cause we've gone all the way" "From Alabama to Wyoming" "From Alabama to Wyomi-i-i-ing" "Hey!" "Gee, I was sure the map said sunny Florida... was around here somewhere." "LEONARD." "Wow!" "Oh, here it is!" "Ha ha ha ha!" " Aah!" " Ha ha ha!" " Oh!" " Aaaah!" "Aaaah!" "Aaah!" "Aaah!" "Ha!" "Ha ha ha!" "Ahh." "I could get used to this." "Oh, no, but I can't." "I'll be late for the first round... of the Teacher of the Year competition." "Have fun on the beach, boys." "Stay near the lifeguard." "Meet me at the Wentawaygo for dinner at 6:00 sharp!" "Reapply your sunblock every two hours!" "Don't go in the water for at least half an hour after you" " Mom!" " OK, just wish me luck!" " Luck!" " Luck!" "All right, she's gone." "We've got the whole day to ourselves." "Leonard, I think to make somebody's dream come true." "Way ahead of you, pal." " Fetch!" "Excuse me?" "That's my dream." "You know... a guy and his dog, the beach, the stick... tlhe waves. tlhe waten." "SPO T. Ulh." "Leonand..." "I tlhink we Ihave sliglhtly diffenent dneams." "We do?" "What's your dream?" "Well, heh heh heh..." "I guess maybe I should've mentioned it earlier... but see, there was this and changed to that and concerned..." "And that's the real reason I had to come to Florida." "Oh." "I get it." "I thought you came to be with me... but you really just came for the ride." "No, I did come to be with you... and for the ride." "Aw, please, Lenny!" "I gotta have a shot at my dream." "I don't know." "It all sounds so wacko." "Anyway, you're not supposed to be a boy." "You're supposed to be my dog." "Oh, don't give me the eyes." "No, not the sad walk away." "Forget it." "No." "Oh, all right." "We'll find this Dr. Krank guy." "But as soon as you see that I'm right and he's nuts... we'll march right back here... you'll be a dog, I'll throw a stick... and we'll make my summer dream come true!" "Good boy." "WOMAN ON TV." "Juan." "MAN ON TV." "Mancia." "Juan!" "Mancia!" "Oh, the pathos and agony... of two beautifully coiffed people in love!" "Yeah, yeah, been there, seen that." "What else is on?" "Today. a "Banny Angen Slhow" exclusive follow-up..." "We return the spotlight to that wacko scientist... who claims he can turn animals human" "Dr. Ivan Krank!" "Wacko, wacko, wacko!" "Jolly, that's the guy Spot went to see!" "But why is Barry Anger returning the spotlight to that wacko?" "Why, you ask, am I returning my spotlight to that wacko?" "I'll let Officer White... of the Okeebachokee Bureau of Animal Safety explain." "Dr. Ivan Krank is a dangerous fraud." "His experiments did not turn animals human at all." "They turned them into hideous, weird mutations like this!" " Aaah!" " Ohhh!" " We have to go to Florida!" " Why?" "To keep Spot from being turned into that!" "Ohhh!" "This is no time to stand around screaming silently." "Come on!" "Florida?" "!" "Florida's outside!" "I'm an indoor kitty." "I'm s-s-scared of the o-o-outside." "Snap out of it, hairball!" "Come on, dry those whiskers and listen to me!" "You gotta believe" "You gotta be strong" "You gotta sharpen your claws" "Fluff up your tail, and sing this fighting song" "Small but mighty, small but mighty" "When you're powerful and wise" "You can rise above any size" "If you belittle being little" "Then your quest is doomed to fail" "But when you're small but mighty" "The mighty shall prevail" " You gotta persist" " I gotta persist?" " Never say die" " Never say die?" "You gotta be fast and fearless now" "And follow this battle cry" "Small but mighty" "When you're powerful and wise" "You can rise above any size" "If you belittle being little" "Then your quest is doomed to fail" "When you're small but mighty" "Small but mighty" "When you're small but mighty" "The mighty shall prevail" "Onward!" "Are you sure you got Dr. Krank's address right?" "Yeah, 666." "Wait!" "Look!" "Wow." "Look at all the high-techy-tech!" "Ah ha ha!" "I can't stand it!" "I'm gonna be a boy" "Ooh!" "SPO T. 665?" "Oh, it must be the next one down that-a-way." "Heh heh heh." "Florida- land of surprises." "Trust me, fellas." "It's a great gig." "24-hour a day soaps, all the food you can eat" "Where else are you gonna get a deal like that?" "Oh, Spot!" "And Pretty Boy!" "And Mr. Jolly!" "Come on in, boys." "There's fresh food in the kitchen." "Her heart's in the right place... but, boy, could she use a new set of bifocals." "Come on, Jolly, let's roll." "Are we there yet?" "Oh!" "Small but mighty." "Say it with me, baby!" "SPO T. Well." "Ihe means business." "This can't be it." "This is it!" "After this experiment succeeds... the world will never again call me wacko!" "And that includes you..." "Mommy!" "Uhh!" "I have done it!" "Success, at long last!" "I have taken a frog, and made it..." "Moo." "I have failed again." "See?" "He's nuts." "It doesn't work." "Come on, let's go." "Well, of course it doesn't work on a frog." "Hello?" "It's a lower life form." "Moo." " No offense." " None taken." "Dennis!" "Adele!" "Get in here now... and help me destroy this stupid, worthless machine!" "Don't call it stupid, Daddy." "You made us with it." "And where is the glory in that?" "And don't call me Daddy!" "You are not my children." "You're nothing but a couple of mutant swamp creatures... who do nothing but remind me of my life of failure!" "Just 'cause you're having a bad day... is it really necessary to dump on everyone else?" "Yes, we may be failures, but we're failures who love you." "Out of my way, you walking handbag!" "SPO T. Um." "Ihello?" "Who is that?" "Heh." "Jeez, he looked a lot shorter on TV." "Maybe it's the ax." "Allow me to introduce myself." "I am Scott Leadready ll, your newest subject." "The one that's finally going to work!" "Dare you torment an old man?" " You cannot help me!" " Aah!" "You're nothing but a worthless boy!" "You're wrong, Dr. Krank." "I am a dog who wants to be a worthless boy." "I mean, who wants to be a boy." "Good Lord, I was totally fooled." "Don't worry." "Happens all the time." "Now, here's your problem as I see it, doc." "While your theories are scientifically sound... and your equipment technically flawless... you keep hitting a failure point... when it comes to the selection of your subjects." "See, you've been experimenting on swamp creatures... insects, and, uh, reptiles." "And all-ee-gators!" "All-ee-gators are reptiles." "Proceed." "Mm-hmm." "But the fact is, Dr. Krank... if you want to make a man... you've got to start with a mammal!" "Yes." "Of course." "It's so simple, and yet so utterly brilliant!" "Ha ha ha!" "I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard that." "I shall give you a nickel... if you will be my mammal." "I'll take it!" "Then I shall make you a boy." "Oh, boy!" "Oh, no!" "Spot, this is wrong." "Tlhis is going against natune." "Nature?" "Feh!" "I am a man of science!" "You're a wacko of science!" "Who do you think you are?" "I'll tell you who I am." "Or, better yet, I'll sing it!" "Maestro, a tango, if you please." "# I was born with a brain #" "# That could not be contained #" "# So they tortured and teased me #" "# And called me insane #" "# It was bad, very bad #" "# Even Mom called me mad #" "# Any child would go wild from the pain #" "# Raised on rage and defiance #" "# I turned my cerebrum to science #" "# I tinkered and toiled until my beakers all boiled #" "# And I built this amazing appliance #" "# Now the whole world will see #" "# The genius in me #" "# While I stand on the shoulders of giants #" "# Ha ha ha!" "#" "# I am I, Ivan Krank #" "# Just a man way ahead of his time #" "# Allow me to be frank #" "# I'm much hipper than old Dr. Frankenstein #" "# I am I, Ivan Krank #" "# And you may call me wacko or weird #" "# But you'll have me to thank #" "# When this pup that you've reared #" "# Is no longer wet-nosed, waggy-tailed, or dog-eared #" "# He'll be human, like you, man #" "# The world will all cheer #" "# For the genius that is I #" "# Ivan Krank #" "Let the neuro exchange animal transformation operation- or N.E.A.T.O. for short- not to be confused with that stupid teacher award-begin!" "No-o-o-o-o!" "LEONARD." "Spot. tlhis is wnong!" "LEONARD." "You'ne supposed to be my dog." "Then I shall make you a boy." "Oh, it's alive." "It's alive!" "That's a good start!" "Dennis!" "Adele!" "Remove the bandages, and let us witness... what I hath wrought!" "Mein gott in himmel." "Whoa." "Daddy did it!" "SPO T. I gotta see!" "I'm a boy!" "I'm a boy!" "I'm a really big boy." "You're not a boy, Scott." "You're a man." "I'm a man?" "I don't understand." "How could I be a man?" "Great balls of kibble!" "I forgot all about dog-time!" "That's right!" "One human year equals seven dog years." " That would make you..." " Don't do the math." "Uh, it's not exactly what I had planned, but I'm human... and that's nothing to shake your tail at." "How can I thank you?" "Oh, it will be thanks enough... that you spend the rest of your life... traveling around the world with me... as living proof of my genius!" "Ah." "Well, uh, gee, fun as that sounds for me..." "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pass." "I can't spend the rest of my life with you." "I" " I-I live with this guy... at his house, in his room." "I sleep on the bottom bunk." "Heh." "Although, now that I'm a big, grown man... with knuckle hair and- uhh-lower back pain... that may present a slight problem." "But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." " Let's go, Leonard!" " No!" "Aah!" "You're not going anywhere, my precious man." "I made you, I own you." "You're mine!" "Come, Dennis, Adele!" "We must begin making plans... for the Ivan Krank World Vindication Tour!" "First the United Nations, then my high school reunion." "No, wait!" "Nuts!" "Over here!" "Get down!" "Hi, Uncle Ivan!" "The bus from East Westland was a little late, but here I am!" "Ian?" "Leonard?" "What are you doing in my uncle's laboratory?" "And who are you, mister... and why are you all dressed up like Scott Leadready ll?" "Uh, no time to explain, strange little boy..." "I've never met before in my life." "Ian, can you help us get out of here?" "What'll you give me if I do?" "Um, all I've got is this, uh... slimy old dog chew toy and a shiny new nickel." "Mm-hmm." "Ohh... holding out on me, huh?" "Hey, give me that chew toy!" "OK, let's see now." "Decode secret password, override security check... bypass concealed alarm cookie, and... bingo!" "Wow!" "How did you do that?" "Oh, come on." "This was easy." "Reprogramming the queen's toilets... for a 21-flush salute- now, that was hard." " Thanks, Ian." " Thank you, stranger." "You're welcome, stranger." "Well, as long as I'm here..." "Hee hee hee." "Ooh, they'll love this." "Ohh!" "What's all this, then?" " Ohh!" " Ohh!" "Oh, blast that blasted Waszelewski kid!" "Quick, hop in!" " Boo-yah!" " Uhh!" "Hmm." "I must work out." "Come on, Scott!" "Scott!" "Hey, wait for me!" "Old habits die hard." "DR. KRANK." "Tlhey've escaped!" "Dennis, Adele, find them!" " You betcha!" " Right away, Daddy." "Hmm." "Nothing here." "Hmm." "Not in here, you fools." "Out there!" "Hunny!" "Yes, sir, Daddy." "Uhh!" "And don't call me Daddy!" "How could a man as brilliant as I... have created something as stupid as them?" "I can't believe they let my dog-man escape!" "Oh, don't blame them, Uncle Ivan." "I let 'em go." "Ah!" "Ian!" "Ahh!" "Ian, my darling nephew... the only one who ever truly believed in me." "Welcome to my home!" "However, now that you've ruined everything..." "I must ground you for the rest of the summer." "So go to your room." "Don't come out till Labor Day!" "Yes, Uncle Ivan." "Grounded again." "Jeez, I could've saved a bus ride." "What was I so afraid of all these years?" "The outside is very nice." "Pleasant, even." "One might go so far... as to say invig-amarating." " Told ya." " But we're not going very fast." "How long will it take us to get to Spot?" "Oh, we should start making some real progress any second now." "Bo-o-o-oard!" "Aaaaah!" "Man, I'm gettin' hungry." "Yeah, me, too." "And if these pants ride up any more..." "I'm gonna be a soprano." "I gotta get me some new clothes." " We need to get us some money." " Yeah, but how?" "Whoa!" "What?" " That'll do." " That'll do." "Come on, let's go find that dog and get us some money!" "How?" "The twilight bark." "The what?" "Uhh!" "Oh, we gotta start renting you... some more classic animated movies." "Leonard, the twilight bark... is tlhat fnee wonldwide long-distance senven... tlhnouglh wlhiclh dogs all oven tlhe wonld..." "Ihave been communicating since tlhe dawn of time." "Now, let's just hope I still got enough dog left in me." "Awooooo!" "MAN IN DISTANCE." "Slhut tlhat dog up!" "Hmm." "I guess it didn't work." "Oh, no, my human-eared friend?" "Yes!" "Thank you!" "I mean... awoooo!" "Come on, let's go." "Thank you!" "Awooo!" "Thank you!" "Awoooo!" "Jeez, this could go on all day." "Lady!" "Turns out she wasn't really lost." "She was just, heh, kinda busy." " DAD." "My." " GIRL." "Olh. puppies!" "How can we thank you?" "Gee, I can think of a hundred ways." "Oh, uh, I can't give you $100." " But" " That's OK, Leonard." "A good deed is its own reward." "You brought back five dogs!" "So I'm giving you $500!" "All right!" "I knew you weren't a big, fat cheapskate!" "I'm sorry." "Was that out loud?" " We're rich!" " We're rich!" "Come on, bunky." "Let's go eat and buy pants... and do all the stuff you can only do... when you're all grown up and got $500 to burn!" "# Though money may be #" "# The root of all evil #" "# Money, it might not buy you love #" "# Money won't bring you happiness #" "# Or grow new hair or cure your stress #" "# Or get you to the pearly gates above #" "# But there's a bunch of things that money can do #" "# Put a shirt on your back and a shine on your shoe #" "# When the cash shows up, I don't say "Boo" #" "# I take the money and run #" "# 'Cause love can't buy a fancy car #" "# Or fill your tank #" "# If you want the finer things #" "# You better break the bank #" "# 'Cause if there's one sure thing that money can do #" "# Put the pedal to the metal when the rent comes due #" "# When the money shows up, baby, don't say "Boo" #" "# Just take the money and run, oh, yeah #" "# Take the money and run #" "# Go, man, get your stash, grab your cash #" "# Take the money and run #" "Mom, Dad, I am a prisoner in this chamber of horrors!" "The whole place is filled with evil smells... and moans and ghastly shrieks!" "There's lightning and thunder and scary bumps in the night!" "Come home?" "No way!" "I love it here!" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "DR. KRANK." "Ian?" "How many times must I tell you to stay off the phone?" "I want to call out for a pizza." "DENNIS." "Extna anclhovies on mine. please!" "Dennis!" "Adele!" "You're back!" "Where is my dog-man?" "Before we answer, could we have our pizza, Daddy?" " Go!" " Aah!" "And don't return without him!" "And don't call me..." "Daddy!" "Uhh!" "I betcha that little boy... would've given his dog some pizza." "Thank God the other mosquitoes in the swamp can't see me now." "They all laughed at me, but did I listen?" "No, I was going to be the world's first... insect-to-human transformation." "Hmm!" "And look at me now." "Stuck in the middle- neither fish nor fowl." "You're also not a goat." "Or a pig." "Or a bucket of marbles." "Whoa" "Ohh, please, just squish me now." "# Hot diggity dog #" "So far this has been the greatest day of my life!" "And I've only been a man for, what, like, five hours?" "Five hours?" "Shoot, we promised Mom we'd be home by 6:00." "Whoa!" "Was that just this morning?" "Whew!" "Time sure flies when you're changing species." " What time you got?" " Uh, a minute till 6:00." "Let's go!" "Wait!" "We forgot one really important thing!" "What?" "!" "Who are you, sir?" " That." " Oh, yeah." "Well, I'll tell ya." "I'm, uh..." "Well, you certainly look familiar." "Wait a ding-dang-doodle-doo minute." "You're not one of my fellow finalists... in the Teacher of the Year competition, are you?" "Uh, why, yes." "Yes I am." "Uh, I am a teacher." "And a darn good one, too... who appreciates a fellow darn good teacher enough... to come all the way down here... to this lovely Wentawaygo park to say..." ""May the best darn good teacher win. "" "Well, isn't that kind of you?" " Honey, where's Scott?" " Uh..." "And, uh, that's the other reason I came." "Uh, to tell you that, uh..." "Scott's family called, and he had to go home after all... and he needed a grownup to help... and I obviously am a grown-up... human man person." "Ahh!" "Obviously." "Ah ha ha!" "You know Scott Leadready ll?" "Do I know Scott Leadready ll?" "Only better than I know myself, ma'am." "You're pushing it." "Well, any friend of the Leadreadys... is a friend of mine." "I'm Mary Lou." "And I'm Scott." "Just like Scott Leadready." "Oh, uh, right." "Heh." "Common name." "Lots of Scotts." "Scotts R Us." "Heh heh." "But I'm Scott, uh..." " Manly!" " Manning!" "It's a hyphenate." "Scott Manly-Manning." "Well, Mr. Manly-Manning, it's a pleasure to meet you." "Yeah, sorry you gotta leave so soon." "Great gettin' to know you." "Just a little... but not too much." "Bye." "Leonard!" "Where did you park your manners?" "Ha ha ha." "After all the trouble Mr. Manly-Manning has gone to... the least we can do is invite him in for a cup of coffee." "Coffee?" "I've always wanted to try coffee." "Boy, it's true what they say!" "What a beverage!" "Who'd believe that little brown bean from Brazil... could pack such mellow, rich-roasting... good-to-the-last-drop flavor?" "By the way... were you aware that it was our 26th president" "Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt- who originally coined the phrase "Good to the last drop"?" "Little-known fact, but true." "Yes, I think one of my students mentioned that once." " I can't remember which one." " You can't remember which one?" "For cryin' out loud, it's obviously" "Time for you to go now." "What a shame." "Thanks for stopping by." "See you later." "Hey!" "What's the hurry, junior?" "I'm still on my first cup of joe." "If you don't get outta here, you're gonna blow it." "You're gonna say something or do something... or drink something and just blow it!" "Well, see ya!" "MARY LOU." "Leonand Amadeus Helpenman... we don't just put our guests out the door like the evening trash." "Ohh, now, now, Mary Lou." "Don't be upset with Leonard." " He's just a boy." " Oh, come off it!" "Mister, you are out of control!" "Now, you go straight to your... curtained-off section of the Wentawaygo... until you're ready to rejoin polite society for dinner!" "Ha ha." "Speaking of dinner, are you hungry?" "Hey!" "I'm always hungry." "I'm a dog... gone hungry guy." "You are so gonna blow it." "Ahh!" "I couldn't eat another bite." "Care for a chocolat?" "Ohh." "Chocolate is poison for dogs." "I know." "Aren't we lucky we're human?" "Yes, we are!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "Did you want one?" "# Someone has a sweet tooth #" "Ahh, what can I say?" "Tlhene's sometlhing about eating unden tlhe stans... at a table, sitting in a chair, using a fork... that just makes everything taste so good." "Well, to me, it's not the food, it's the company." "Heh heh heh." "I don't know why, but it's as if..." "I've known you for a very long time." "You'ne just so comfy to be witlh. like an old slhoe." "Oh, I mean that in a good way." "Hey, nothin' I love more than an old shoe." "Woof!" "Uh, to wear, I mean." "Ah ha ha ha ha!" "You say the most unusual things." "But I like it." "Golly gosh, I wish there was someone like you back home." "You do?" "Hold that thought." "I'll be right back." "Well, he did drink a lot of coffee." "Leonard!" "You are gonna be so proud of me!" "We can stop worrying how I'm gonna live... and where I'm gonna sleep... and how we're gonna stay together." "I've stumbled upon the answer, and it doesn't even matter... that I'm a hairy-knuckled grownup with back pain." "Ooch!" "In fact, it works to our advantage!" "You're kidding!" "Of course, I won't be sleeping at the bottom bunk anymore... but I promise I'll tuck you in and tell you a bedtime story... before I settle in to watch the 9:00 news with..." "Mary Lou." "Who?" "You know." "Your mom." "Oh, he cleaned his plate so well." "I can see myself!" "I know who Mary Lou is... but why would you be watching the news with her?" "And why is she dancing around with your dinner plate?" "Unless..." "Oh, no!" "Oh, yes!" "Isn't it perfect?" "She likes me, I've always loved her." "You and I still get to be together." "Climb up on my lap, sonny boy, and call me Daddy!" "Are you crazy?" "You can't be my dad!" "You're my dog!" "Hey, people change." "Come on, it'll be great." "I'll teaclh you Ihow to slhave." "take you fislhing..." "Ihollen at youn little league coaclh... wlhen Ihe doesn't play you enouglh." "Maybe I'll even get ya a little puppy." "Mister, you are out of control." "What?" "You gonna send me to my room?" "I think that's my job, son." "No!" "No, this is not OK with me." "You have to stop liking my mom right now!" "Oh, in all fairness, son..." "I believe Mary Lou should have something to say about this." "And stop calling her Mary Lou!" "And stop calling me son!" "I command you, as your master!" "Former master, Leonard!" "I'm not your dog anymore!" "Well, I sure as heck am not your kid!" "So maybe you'd just better leave me and my mom alone!" "You... want me to go?" "But... what about us?" "You and me?" "A friend needs a friend." "That was a different us." "Yeah." "I guess it was." "Wait a minute." "Yeah?" "I paid for that collar and dog tag... with my own allowance." "But..." "You don't need 'em." "You said it yourself." "You're not my dog anymore." "# Mrs. Manly-Manning #" "# Mrs. Mary Lou Manly-Manning #" "# Mrs. Mary Lou Moira Angela Darling #" "# Helperman Manly-Manning #" "I'm sorry I have to interrupt... this musical moment, Mary Lou." "I guess I'll never see you again." "# It's time for me to go #" " # Oh, me, oh, my, oh, no # - # I've never been so low #" "# Oh, where did my dog-man- #" "# Go!" "#" "# I gotta go, I don't know where #" "# I only know #" "# My former friend is now my foe #" "# He couldn't stand the status quo #" "# I said I'd stay, but he said no #" "# And now, doggone, this dog is gone #" "# I'm movin' on #" "# I gotta go!" "#" "# Like a dream, he was here, and now he's gone #" "# He drank my coffee, ate my candy #" "# Dreaming I could stand by my Manly-Manning man #" "# I thought everything was fine and dandy #" "# Why did he go?" "#" " # I'm gone # - # Don't go #" "# Oh, no, what have I done?" "#" " # Oh, no # - # I kicked him out #" "# He took the keys to freedom #" "# Now he's going, now he's going #" "# Now he's gone #" "# My lovely dog-man #" "# Oh, precious, pretty dog-man #" "# Dear itty-bitty dog I made a man #" " # Where have you gone?" "# - # He took the keys #" "# You held the key to my success #" "# I'm no one's pawn #" " # He's gone # - # Was I a yawn?" "#" "# I'm moving on #" "# Find him!" "#" "# Where did you go, dog-man?" "#" "# We gotta go where you have gone, Spot #" "# We gotta know, dog-man #" "# We wanna know where you have gone, Scott #" "# We gotta go there, too #" " # I'm gone # - # He's going, going #" " # I'm moving on # - # Here comes the sun #" " # Come on, let's run # - # You weigh a ton #" "# Pardon the pun, but I am going #" "# Without knowing #" "# There's a place where I belong #" "# Where he's gone #" "# I'm movin' on #" "# Where did you go, dog-man?" "#" "# Where did you go, dog-man?" "#" "# He's gone #" "Well, that was strange." "Aaah!" "Whoa" " Aaaah!" " Aaaah!" " Ohh!" " Ohh!" "PRETTY BO Y. We made it." "We made it!" "Florida at last!" "I told you we were small but mighty!" "MAN." "Helh Ihelh Ihelh." "Missed it by that much." "BO Y. Spot. come Ihene. boy!" "Leonard?" "Aww..." "Now, remember, Lenny-benny-beanbag... you're to meet me at the awards ceremony..." " at 6:00 sharp, you got it?" " Whatever." "Aww, honey-bunny-boombox..." "I know you miss your dog and your best friend... but we're going home tomorrow... and Spot and Scott'll be there waitin' for you... and everything's gonna be peachy-pie normal... and just the way it was." "Mwah!" "Right." "Just the way it was." "Florida, schmorida!" "It's just Jersey with palm trees!" "Well, I suppose most people don't arrive by garbage truck." "On a more positive note..." "I don't think there's anything in the world..." "I'll ever fear after this." "It's a monster!" "Hey!" "It's just your reflection." "Oh." "Aah!" "It's me!" "I look hideous!" "No argument there." "I'm goin' up for a bird's-eye view." "Dog-man!" "Where are you?" "My, oh, me, it's a rain-a-roony-doodle day!" "Whoo-hoo!" "Bada-bing, baby!" "Come on, hairball!" "Great." "Now you're out there somewhere in the stupid rain... 'cause you just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?" "No, you had to go mess up a great thing... just to make your stupid dream come true." "Bet you come crawling back any minute now... cold and wet and tired and hungry... and sick of being a man... and wishing you could be my dog again." "Well, forget it!" "I'm not taking you back." "Spot!" "Ha ha!" "Olh. it's you." ""Oh, it's you"?" "We traveled 2,000 miles... and all we get is, "Oh, it's you"?" "!" "Come on, Jolly, let's go home!" "What?" "!" "No, you guys." "I'm sorry." "I'm really, really glad you're here." "I've never needed anyone more." "Now, that's a greeting." "Something's happened to Spot." "Sit down." "It's a long story." "So this is what it's like to be human, huh?" "Sittin' alone in a dump on your tailless butt... just twiddlin' your opposable thumbs." "Top of the world, Ma!" "Top of the world." "What's that?" "Sounds like that stupid song Leonard always used to sing." "Olh. it is tlhat stupid... beautiful song!" "Oh, Leonard." "# I know it's been said #" "# Everyone needs someone #" "# A loyal companion #" "# To share in life's fun #" "# For a day at the park #" "# Or a game of leapfrog #" "# A friend needs a friend #" "# A boy needs a dog #" "# A small hand to shake #" "# Wanna run a race?" "#" "# For a bowl full of grub #" "# What a funny face #" "# A face to be licked #" "# When a tummy gets rubbed #" "# Like a mom and a dad #" "# Need their bundle of joy #" "# A friend needs a friend #" "# A dog needs a boy #" "PRETTY BO Y. SOBBING." "A classic!" "Even a bird and a cockamamie cat can see that!" "Yeah." "Why couldn't Spot?" "I don't know." "I guess we all have different dreams, right?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "And I guess if you really love someone... like I love Spot... you gotta let him have his dream, right?" "Even if it's different from your dream, right?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "I know what I've gotta do!" "There's only one way for us to be together again." "I've gotta go to Dr. Krank and have him change me into a dog!" " Yeah!" " Yeah!" " What?" "!" " What?" "!" "See ya, guys!" "I mean, woof!" " No!" "Wait!" " No!" "Wait!" "Ow!" "# I can't go on #" "# With just half of my heart #" "# Nothing and no one #" "# Can keep us apart #" "# It's a permanent bond #" "# We can never destroy #" "# A friend needs a friend #" " # I've got # - # A boy #" " # Needs a dog # - # To get back #" " # Needs a # - # To my #" " # Dog # - # Boy #" "Bunky, I'm back!" "Pretty Boy?" "Jolly?" "What are you doing here?" "Who is that strange man, and why is he talking to us?" "I don't know." "Just act dumb." "Uh, tweet." "Uhh!" "Meow, meow, meow." " Guys, it's me." "It's Spot." " Aah!" "Oh, my." "This is what you look like as a man?" "Why?" "Is something wrong with it?" "No, no." "It was just a shock at first." "You could use a shave." "Really?" "I thought it was kind of edgy." "But forget that." "Where's Leonard?" "Oh, Spot, it's terrible." "He just ran out... babbling some nonsense about if you can't be his dog... then he'll have to get that Dr. Krank... to turn him into your dog." "That crazy kid." "Although I guess it could work." "No!" "No!" "What am I saying?" "I've got to save my boy!" "This is perfect- perfect." "Why, my plan could not have gone any better... if I'd had a plan!" "And now I do!" "I'll turn the boy into a dog... use Ihim as bait to lune tlhe dog-man... and then I'll have the man and the dog!" "Ah ha!" "Mommy!" "Nothing wacko about that!" "Oh, isn't there, Dr. Wacko?" "Ah." "You're right on cue." "Ohh." "You really should've seen that coming." "Ohh!" "I'm sorry, Scott." "I just wanted us to be together again." "I did it for us." "No." "I'm the sorry one, Leonard." "It's all my fault." "I shouldn't have messed with nature." "Oh, haven't you heard?" "My good man, nature is dead." "Science is king!" "Oh, that is just wrong on so many levels." "Well, then riddle me this, Dr. Krank." "Is it science on natune... that makes you have to laugh... when someone tickles you under the armpits?" "Pretty Boy, Jolly." "Stop it, you guys!" "You keep him busy." "I'll take care of Krank." "You're too late." "No!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Aah!" "Oh, my goodness." "What?" "What is it?" "Do I got spinach in my teeth?" "Stop!" "Wait!" " Oh!" "Aah!" " Aah!" "You are one butt-ugly man." "Well, I've been under a little stress lately." "Whoa!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Whoa!" "What's happened?" "Uh-oh." "Olh. dann." "Wait a minute." "I've still got this." "Thank you, Dr. Krank!" "No, no, you fool!" "Quarters only!" "A nickel will jam it!" "You'll blow us all up!" "That's a chance I'll have to take." "Say auf wiedersehen..." " Aah!" " Wacko." "Aah!" "Uhh!" "Cool." "No!" "No!" "Help!" "Uhh!" "Oh, well." "To quote the immortal Bard... which I don't believe I've yet done in this entire adventure..." ""All's well that end's well. "" "LEONARD." "Scott!" "Look out!" "Quick!" "We got to get out before it blows!" "You go." "There's one more thing I've got to do." "It's my only chance." "Scott, what are you doing?" "Scott!" "Scott!" "Oh, Scott." "Stupid machine!" "Stupid, stupid science!" "Wake up, dear blue Spot." "Wake up." "SPO T. Olh. is tlhat you." "dean Blue Fainy?" "How many times I got to tell you, dog breath?" "I ain't no fairy!" "Spot?" "Is it really you?" "In the fur." "Oh, Spot, you're back!" "I had to come back, bunky." "I love ya, and I want to be with ya." "Don't you remember?" "Cue the violins." "# A friend needs a friend #" "Everybody sing!" "# A boy needs a... #" "# Back on the south end of the leash #" "# Is where my place is #" "# Chasing cars and licking faces #" "# A simple mutt livin' a dog's life #" "# Now I'm in the thrall of nature's call #" "# It's my destiny to be man's best friend #" "# And to bite your own rear end #" "# And so it's buh-bye to species second guessing #" "# This Rover's learned his lesson #" "# I'm proud to be a dog #" "# The breed of Fido can't be denied-o #" "# Glad to be a dog #" "# And dog enough to beg #" "# A dog you must be #" "# I'll be spot-on #" " # Because at last I see #" " Shh!" "# That a tree needs a mom #" "# And a sow needs a hog #" " # Just like London needs fog # - # Or a princess a frog #" "# Well, a friend needs a friend #" "# A road needs a bend #" "# A film needs an end #" "# A boy needs a dog #" "# Needs a boy, needs a dog #" "# Needs a boy, needs a dog, needs a boy, needs a dog #" "# Boy, dog, boy, dog, boy, dog, boy, dog, boy #" "# Dog #" "Woof!" "Hey!" "Teacher's pet" "I wanna be teacher's pet" "I wanna be huddled and cuddled" "As close to you as I can get" "Mm-hmm, teacher's pride" "I wanna be teacher's pride" "I wanna be dated, paraded" "The one most likely at your side" "I'm burning to learn" "I wanna learn all your lips can teach me" "One kiss will do at the start" "I'm sure with a little homework" "I'll graduate to your heart" "Teacher's pet" "I wanna be teacher's pet" "Teacher" "I wanna take home a diploma" "And show Ma that you love her, too" "I hope you love me, too" "So I can be teacher's pet" "Long after school is through" "Ah ah ah" "I wanna be, I gotta be" "I wanna, I gotta" "I wanna learn all your lips can teach me" "One kiss will do at the start" "I'm sure with a little homework" "I'll graduate to your heart" "I'll graduate to your heart" "To your heart" "I'll graduate to your heart" "I wanna be" "I've got to be" "Teacher's pet, teacher" "I wanna be" "T- t-t-teacher's pet, teacher" "I've got to be, I want it" "I want it, I want it, I want it" "I wanna be t- t-t-teacher's pet" "I've got to be teacher's pet" "I wanna be teacher's pet" "I wanna take home a diploma" "And show ma that you love me, too" "Yeah, so I can be teacher's pet" "Teacher" "I wanna be teacher's pet" "I wanna be teacher's pet" "Long after school is through" "I wanna, I gotta" "Teacher's pet" "I wanna be, I gotta be" "Teacher's pet" "I wanna, I gotta" "Teacher's pet" "I gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta be teacher's pet" "I've got to be teacher's pet" "I wanna, wanna be teacher's pet" "Long after school" "Is through" "Yeah" "Mambo" "La la la, la la" "La la la la la" "La la la la la-la" "Mambo" "La la la, la la" "Mambo" "Hot diggity dog" "Ooh ooh ooh" "Yeah, yeah" "Ooh, dig that dog" "Hot diggity dog" "Bow wow wow" "Bow wow" "Wow wow" "Ooh, dig that dog" "Dog, boy, dog, boy, doggy, boy, dog" "Boy, dog, boy, dog, boy, doggy, boy" "Boy, dog, boy, dog, here, doggy, boy" "Dog, boy, doggy, boy, diggity-dog, boy" " Dog, boy" " Boy, dog" " Boy, dog" " Dog, boy" "Hot, hot, hot diggity dog" "Yeah, hot diggity dog" "Ooh, dig that dog" "Hot diggity dog" "Though money may be" "The root of all evil" "Money, it might not buy you love" "Money won't bring you happiness" "Or grow new hair or cure your stress" "Won't get you to the pearly gates above" "But there's a bunch of things that money can do" "Put a shirt on your back and a shine on your shoe" "When the cash shows up, I don't say "Boo"" "I take the money and run" "'Cause love can't buy a fancy car" "Or fill your tank" "If you want the finer things" "You'd better break the bank" "'Cause if there's one sure thing that money can do" "Put the pedal to the metal when the rent comes due" "When the money shows up, baby, don't say "Boo"" "Just take the money and run" "Oh, yeah, take the money and run" "Go, man, grab your stash, get your cash" "We're gonna have a bash" "Take the money and run"