"Well, I'll be danged." "[snaps fingers] Hey, hey!" "C'mon, pay attention." "Look, you're just a machine, right?" "You got no soul." "You gotta do what I say." "And remember, I know where your off switch is." "[buttons clicking, electronic sounds]" "Ma'am, may I have a word with you?" "[sighs] Ye... [falsetto voice] Why certainly, officer." "Is there a problem?" "Yes, there is." "[chuckles]" "Abort mission!" "[classic rock music]" "♪ Ripped off ♪" "♪ Stripped off ♪" "♪ Somebody took the shirt right off my back ♪" "♪ They took my money ♪" "♪ They took it all ♪" "♪ I'm standing in the cold ♪" "♪ Bad luck ♪" "♪ Tough luck ♪" "♪ Somebody stacked the deck again ♪" "♪ A blackjack Ace in the hole ♪" "♪ I've been had again ♪" "♪ Yeah!" "♪ [engine starts] [tires screeching]" "♪ Ripped off Ripped off ♪" "♪ I've been fooled again ♪" "♪ Ripped off!" "I'll get my revenge!" "♪" "Mwah!" "[laughs]" "Whoo!" "Oh ho, Archie, you and me, man." "We're gonna be rich, I tell ya." "Ah, we're a team 'cause I'm the boss." "Remember, I'm the boss." "[laughs]" "Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" "Yeah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" "Yee-ha-ha!" "♪ Ripped off Ripped off ♪" "♪ I've been fooled again ♪" "♪ Ripped off!" "I'll get my revenge!" "♪♪" "[electronic sounds]" "How's it going?" "[llama growls]" "I've had better days, I'll tell you that much." "You fellas know where I could get something to eat?" "[growls]" "Never mind." "I'll figure it out." "Good talk." "[upbeat pop music]" "♪ Looks like I'm in trouble again ♪" "♪ I'm down again I'm down again ♪" "♪ Looks like I'm in trouble again ♪" "♪ I'm down again I'm down again ♪" "♪ I'm feeling down ♪" "♪ My feet ain't solid on the ground ♪" "♪ And if I try to get up again ♪" "♪ I know I won't be up for long ♪" "♪ Yeah ♪" "♪ Now I can't rely On anyone or anything ♪" "♪ Oh when I try to get some sun ♪" "♪ All I get is rain ♪" "♪ Looks like I'm in trouble again ♪" "♪ I'm down again I'm down again ♪" "♪ Looks like I'm in trouble again ♪" "♪ I'm down again I'm down again ♪" "♪ Looks like I'm in trouble again ♪" "♪ I'm down again I'm down again ♪" "♪ Looks like I'm in trouble again ♪" "♪ I'm down again I'm down again ♪" "♪ Looks like I'm in trouble again ♪" "♪ I'm down again I'm down again ♪" "♪ Looks like I'm in trouble again ♪" "♪ I'm down again ♪♪" "Now, um, Deanewood is not Chicago by any stretch, but we do have some things they don't." "Like Starbucks, for example." "We have those in Chicago." "Right, but, uh, what I mean is, we don't." "Have one." "We do have Jack's Java, though, and I think you'll find it's a far superior brew." "Do you have a yoga studio?" "No." "No, no yoga studio." "But the women at the seniors' centre do Tai Chi every Wednesday at noon." "You're a little young, but I think I can get you in." "Thanks, Uncle Paul." "Yeah, about that..." "I don't think you need to say the whole uncle part." "It kinda makes me feel old." "[hammering]" "Aaron." "I told you, you don't need to do this." "Of course I do, Mr. Mayor." "You're running for re-election." "Running unopposed for the third time in a row." "It's not necessary to go through the trouble." "It's no trouble." "I made these on my computer and, besides, you've got the restaurant to run, too." "Can't have the universe's best cheeseburger suffer because your focus is split." "Very well, then." "As you were." "Oh, um, I'm sorry." "Aaron, this is Isabel, my niece." "Hi." "Isabel's gonna be living in Deanewood now forever." "Well not forever necessarily." "Just, you know, for the time being." "Isabel is studying political science, so you guys have that in common because Aaron here is my communications director." "[chuckles] And by that, he means that I actually own a computer, unlike him." "PAUL:" "All this hullabaloo about the world wide interweb, it's just a passing fad." "That's why I leave the tweeting to the birds." "I'm gonna get the bags in." "Your uncle's a cool guy." "[luggage clatters]" "I'm okay." "In his own way." "Yeah." "So, um... what brings you to town?" "Oh, uh..." "I-I really don't want to talk about that, if you don't mind." "Yeah." "I understand." "It's all right." "But it was nice to meet you." "Yeah, you too." "PAUL:" "So we're just right in here." "There's an IKEA in Brockton, so I went there last weekend and picked up some things." "Like a new bed." "Yeah, yeah." "And some other things." "The girl at the store was really helpful." "She also told me to get really expensive toilet paper, which I did." "Really." "Try that stuff." "It's like wiping your bum with a baby rabbit." "Not literally." "That would be cruel." "You know what I mean." "It's, uh, soft." "Yeah." "I appreciate it." "Listen, if it seems like I have no idea what I'm doing, it's only because..." "I have no idea what I'm doing." "But I want you to feel comfortable here." "Your house is perfect." "Your house." "Our house." "I'd like you to feel at home here." "Well, get yourself settled." "I'll make some dinner and maybe we can go to the restaurant tomorrow and see about getting you a summer job." "They say that a dog is human's best friend." "Thanks to our partnership with Cyborganix, we have managed to create a cybernetic dog that will not only become human's best friend, but our military's best friend as well." "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Artificial Robotronic Canine Hyper Intelligence Experiment, or A.R.C.H.I.E. for short, a non-living, intelligent machine that will save human lives." "[polite applause]" "Danger, danger, danger, danger, danger." "[explosion] [enthusiastic applause]" "BROOKE:" "You can't be serious." "You're telling me that the experiment that this company has poured millions into, and that just also happens to be my life's work, has been stolen from under our noses!" "And the security cameras coincidentally happen to malfunction." "Ha!" "How is that even possible?" "Ms. Benton," "I know you're behind this little stunt because people like you, you think you're gonna change the world." "This is not some cute little puppy you're saving from a kennel." "This is a multi-million dollar, potentially unstable piece of military hardware." "Do you have any idea what could happen if this got into the wrong hands?" "ARCHIE:" "Welcome to Deanewood." "I hope they have some good food here." "You got any fast food experience." "Only as a customer once in a while." "Well, it ain't rocket science." "As long as you can count, you'll be fine." "Let me get you a uniform." "What colour do you want?" "What colours do you have?" "Blue." "Well, I guess I'll take that, then." "[bell dings]" "Hello again." "Oh, hi." "He's putting you to work already, huh?" "Yeah." "Listen, I'm really sorry about yesterday." "I didn't mean to be rude." "I just..." "It's really no problem." "You know, I understand." "Thanks." "If you ever want to hang out and talk... or, you know, not talk, you should let me know." "Hey, Aaron." "Hey, Aaron." "Are you lost?" "Um, no." "Wait." "Are you the new girl?" "I'm Isabel." "Oh, I heard about you." "My mom said that your parents died and now you have to live with your uncle." "So I guess you're like an orphan." "Uh, yeah, yeah, I guess so." "That's so super sad." "Maybe we can all hang out later." "We'll show you around." "Our town's a real trip." "Yeah, yeah." "We'll totally show you around." "It's a total trip." "Yeah." "Yeah, okay." "That sounds like fun." "Welcome aboard." "Yeah, about that." "I don't know how great a server I'm cut out to be, carrying trays and all." "Balance and coordination aren't exactly my strong suit." "Tell me about it." "I'm as clumsy as a donkey." "It's 'cause I got fat feet." "Flat feet." "It's also the reason I could never join the circus." "But I'm sorry, serving is a requirement for all wait staff." "Well, isn't there any other job I could do?" "You could always take a shift as mascot." "[slurping]" "Change in the back." "[whimpers]" "The Princess of Darkness is here to see you." "[sighs]" "Not again." "[bell dings]" "Four chili dogs for table six." "Two double cheeseburgers for table nine." "Two chocolate shakes for table two." "[sniffs]" "And a large onions rings for table three." "Best way to learn how to swim is to jump in at the deep end." "It's also a great way to drown." "As you are aware, Mogulburger has... 297 locations across the country." "Yes." "And your location would make a welcome addition to our family of franchises." "Veronica, for the kazillionth time," "I'm not selling." "What is this really about?" "Is it because I never asked you to prom?" "[scoffs] Prom!" "Don't be silly." "I haven't thought about that in years." "This is a prime location and we are willing to pay handsomely for it." "I don't need to join the Mogulburger family of franchises." "As you can see, we're doing very well here on our own." "[gasps]" "Oh!" "[gasping]" "You klutz!" "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" "Did you put her up to this?" "No, of course not." "It was an accident." "We'll pay for your dry cleaning bill." "Oh, you will pay for more than just that." "Oh!" "I told you." "It's a real trip around here." "[laughing]" "It's gonna be okay." "It's gonna be okay." "It's gonna be... [voice breaks, sobs]" "I just feel so alone." "I know how you feel." "But you're not alone." "Hi there." "You're not gonna throw that away, are you?" "I'll eat it if you're not going to." "I'm starved." "Wow, this looks like really high quality food, not like some of that other junk you humans eat." "My name is Archie." "Correct me if I'm wrong, but in polite society, when someone introduces themselves to you, it's customary to return the favour." "ARCHIE:" "You speak English?" "Okay, parlez-vous francais?" "Habla español?" "Sprechen sie Deutsche?" "You're-you're a talking dog?" "I suppose that's an accurate description, though I have many other qualities as well." "You still haven't told me your name." "I-I-Isabel." "There we go." "Now we're getting somewhere." "Nice to meet you, Isabel." "Yeah, yeah, nice..." "Nice to meet you." "I'm talking to a dog." "I must have finally lost my mind." "ARCHIE:" "Hey, wait!" "Does that mean it's cool if I eat your cheeseburger?" "[muttering]" "It's just stress." "That's all." "Hallucinations brought on by stress." "[zooming sound]" "Hello again." "Listen, I think we got off on the wrong paw back there." "How did you get here so fast?" "I told you I had many different abilities." "Clearly." "I didn't mean to freak you out." "I'm new in town and I-I don't have any friends." "Me too." "Which one?" "You're new in town or you don't have any friends?" "Both." "Oh, cool." "We're a good match then." "No, we're-we're not." "I can't be seen talking to a dog." "Everyone's gonna think that I am a major... [in unison] Loser!" "[laughing]" "Well, that wasn't very nice." "Yeah, tell me about it." "Are you done with that?" "[electronic whirring]" "Just gotta line this up, factor in the angle, wind speed, and milkshake viscosity, and watch!" "[screaming] [laughs]" "That was pretty good." "I know." "Who are you?" "Wh-what are you?" "ARCHIE:" "You might want to be sitting down for this." "You're a robot?" "No, I'm not a robot." "I'm a cybernetic organism." "I'm made of both organic and machine parts." "Like The Terminator?" "Kind of, but much friendlier." "I was designed to look exactly like a normal dog, but I am quite extraordinary." "What can you do?" "Besides the fact that I'm conversing with you right now?" "I can move at lightning speed." "Prove it." "Go get that Frisbee over there and bring it back here." "Wow, awesome." "Thanks." "So, what else?" "I've got x-ray vision." "Hm... what colour underwear is that guy wearing?" "[electronic whirring]" "White." "Oh wait, with a little streak of brown." "Ew." "So where did you come from?" "I was created by a biotech company." "I was a prototype." "One night, a man named Hugh, who was the night janitor at the company, stole me from the laboratory." "And, man, did he stink!" "It was this noxious mixture of stale corn chips and cheap cologne." "Yuck!" "He kept me in captivity and he threatened to shut down my mainframe if I didn't obey." "He dragged me across the country, forcing me to commit all kinds of crimes." "Then there were the dog shows, all that primping and preening." "Don't make me go back." "Please." "Do you have any idea what it's like not to have a place to call home?" "Let's go." "I've got an idea." "Hm, knight takes rook takes queen." "Checkmate." "PAUL:" "Where'd you find him?" "I found him scrounging around the dumpster behind the restaurant." "He must belong to somebody." "Didn't he have a collar on?" "No." "I don't know, Isabel." "I'm really allergic to dogs." "Although this little fella hasn't made me sneeze once." "Can we keep him?" "I promise I will take good care of him." "Ah, okay, fine." "But tomorrow take him to the veterinarian, Mr. Neebs." "He's probably got fleas." "Fleas?" "As if." "And make sure he doesn't poo on the lawn." "See ya later." "I'm sorry." "Poo?" "Do you actually... do that?" "Kind of a personal question." "Yes, I do, but it comes out as golden nuggets." "Really?" "No, I'm kidding." "It's just regular old poo." "I forgot my keys." "Who were you talking to?" "Who, me?" "I-I-I was just talking to Archie, here." "[panting]" "Aw." "Did he talk back?" "Can you talk back, buddy?" "Huh?" "You're not the brightest pup in the litter, are you?" "Oh, with the election coming up, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to be my campaign manager?" "Yeah, yeah, sure, I'd love to." "But what do I need to do?" "Not much really." "Nobody ever runs against me." "Well, at least I could write your campaign speech for you." "You know how they say there are people who fear public speaking more than death?" "I'm one of those people." "But we're gonna have a campaign party at the restaurant." "You can help plan that, if you like." "Did you... finish the puzzle?" "Uh, yeah." "It really gives your brain a workout." "[sighs]" "ARCHIE:" "Can't believe I agreed to wear a leash." "I had a perfect score on the Mensa intelligence test, ya know." "Hi." "What's cookin', good lookin'?" "[romantic accordion music]" "Well, it seems like we keep running into each other." "Yeah, it's a small town." "You can't really escape anybody, so get used to it." "I'm sorry about the Lindsays yesterday." "The Lindsays?" "Yeah, they can be pretty awful sometimes." "Oh." "Well, it wasn't your fault." "Still, it wasn't cool and I should have done something about it." "I can handle it." "I didn't know you had a dog." "Neither did I." "I-I just found him." "Your dog is beautiful." "Thanks." "Her name's Sally." "Forswear it, sight!" "For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." "Yeah, I brought her in because she hasn't been herself lately." "I'm sure the vet will help you figure out what's wrong with her." "[snorts] Yeah." "Clearly you haven't met our local veterinarian." "Hm." "I've just experienced love at first sight." "Oh, man, it's glorious!" "Shhh!" "Can't you be happy for me and my girlfriend?" "[scoffs] Your girlfriend?" "Future girlfriend." "[door opens]" "Well, all right." "Let's have a look at this little fella." "[chuckles]" "Mh-hm." "Seems quite healthy." "Oh, just gotta check one more thing." "Why is he putting on a rubber glove?" "[coughs] What's that, dear?" "Uh, I was just saying that you seem to treat your patients with utter love." "Oh!" "Yes." "Well, that's why I became a veterinarian." "[snapping] [nervous chuckle]" "Ough!" "[electronic zapping]" "[high-pitched voice] I think that'll be all for today." "I can't believe you did that to the poor man." "Poor man?" "What about me?" "I'm the real victim here." "Archie!" "Hey, c'mon." "Can I walk you home?" "Sure." "ISABEL:" "Why do you have a service dog?" "AARON:" "Sally's not technically my dog." "She belongs to my dad." "He lost his eyesight a few years ago, so Sally's his guide dog." "Oh." "That's sad." "Yeah." "It's really sad to hear what happened to your parents." "[inhales]" "Sometimes I... still don't really believe it actually happened." "It was all so sudden." "And thanks for not saying you're sorry." "It's what everyone said to me after." ""We're so sorry." Like it was their fault." "But... the truth is it wasn't anyone's fault." "It just happened." "Come on." "Oh!" "That Sally is such a spectacular dog." "I am smitten." "Archie, you need to act like a normal dog." "We had way too many close calls today." "Why are you such a negative Nellie?" "Okay, you know what?" "Fine!" "Do what you like!" "Just don't blame me when you get taken away." "I'm sorry." "I haven't exactly been on my best behaviour." "It's okay." "Why have you been so good to me?" "I mean, you convinced your uncle to take me in and all." "You're my best friend." "I am?" "Well, you're my only friend, which sort of makes you my best friend by default." "Best friends help each other out." "Yeah, you're right." "But you should know that I don't think I have a soul." "You don't?" "Why not?" "Well because I'm just a machine." "Machines can't have souls." "Can they?" "I really don't know." "But regardless, soul or no soul, you're still my best friend." "And you're mine." "What do ya think?" "Pretty impressive, huh?" "Don't worry." "It's not real." "I made it myself." "This mascot gig is only my day job." "My true calling in life is to open up my very own joke and novelty shop." "I make all my own products:" "fake poo, rubber vomit." "My specialty is farting powder." "I perfected the most potent recipe." "Mm, you must be so proud." "This is some of my best work." "I can do this." "I can do this." "Oh-ho-ho-ho!" "Oof!" "Hi." "No problem." "Thanks." "Sorry." "I'm still kind of a liability with these things." "I'm sure you're doing just fine." "Um, there's a movie playing in the park tonight, uh." "Do you want to go?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I'd love to." "Cool." "Well, um, I'll wait outside and we can go together." "Yeah, yeah." "Sounds good." "Cool." "Cool." "The dishwasher called in sick today." "You drew the short straw." "But I didn't-I didn't draw a straw." "Believe me, honey, you did." "The short one." "I'm never gonna get out of here." "I hear we have a movie to get to." "[zooming sounds]" "[laughs] [projector running, monster sounds]" "ARCHIE:" "Double date at the movies." "Doesn't get more romantic than this." "Am I right?" "I think we're being watched." "Yeah, they can be a bit possessive." "Well... at least they're both pretty." "They're not my type." "I can't believe she's on a date with him." "I know!" "It's completely unbelievable." "[yawns loudly]" "Okay, sorry." "I don't know why I did that." "[laughs] What?" "It's just the whole arm-stretch thing is just super dorky." "It's okay." "I don't mind." "Un-freaking-believable!" "Oh!" "That's it!" "So, you're a guide dog, huh?" "That's, uh, that's cool." "I have a lot of talents myself, you may have noticed." "Or not." "[audience groans]" "Uh-oh, looks like I need to step in here and save the day." "Again." "Will you excuse me, Sally?" "Tough crowd." "Space Milkshake." "Okay, I can find this." "[electronic whirring]" "Here we go." "And looking, searching, and got it!" "[whirring] [applause and cheers]" "[sighs]" "My kingdom for a WiFi signal." "ARCHIE:" "I can get you online." "You can?" "Sure." "[connection sound]" "Yes!" "Civilization!" "The password is Archie is awesome." "I'm kidding." "There is no password." "Hey, honey, we're just leaving for the school now, but we wanted to tell you how proud of you we are." "Look, your father's even wearing a tie." "Of course I'm wearing a tie." "My daughter just won the presidency." "I want to look good for the inaugural ball." "We love you so much, Izzy." "See you soon." "[sniffling]" "You okay?" "It's just hard sometimes." "All the time." "I had just won the student council election at my school." "I was only in grade 10, but... my parents were always helping me and supporting me." "That's what they were like." "[chuckles]" "They used to put these handwritten, inspirational messages in my backpack or in my lunch." ""If you can dream it, you can do it."" "They were such dorks." "[sighs]" "It's... crazy to think how quickly life can change." "[voice breaking] I guess I really am an orphan now." "Me too." "I never really had a family... until now." "[gulls calling]" "I've gotta go to work." "I'm gonna be busy all day." "Paul's campaign party is tonight." "You gonna be able to behave yourself?" "Hey-hey, it's Archie you're talking to." "Sally, Sally, Sally, Sally, Sally, Sally, Sally..." "Hello, Sally!" "This is our signature dish." "Secret recipe that goes back generations." "Chili." "The holy grail of chili." "Now, with the rest of the staff busy preparing for the party this evening, you have been assigned the most important job of all:" "the guardian of the chili." "I accept." "First rule of chili: don't take your eyes off the chili." "Second rule of chili, don't... take your eyes... off the chili." "♪ Bum bum bum bum, Ba-Ba bum bum ♪" "♪ bum bum bum bum Ba-Ba bum bum ♪" "♪ bum bum bum bum bu ♪" "What the...?" "[indiscernible chatter] [phones ringing]" "Mm-hm." "Mm-hm." "Okay." "[hangs up]" "Oh hello, Paul." "Fancy seeing you here in enemy territory." "Veronica, what are you doing?" "What does it look like, silly?" "I'm running for mayor." "[laughs]" "But you don't even live here." "Oh, I do now." "I bought a house this morning." "Since when did you ever have any interest in running for mayor of Deanewood?" "I've always wanted to give back to the community, and I figured what better way than at the municipal level in my hometown." "[scoffs]" "Veronica, you're kidding yourself if you think the people of Deanewood are gonna side with you over me." "[sighs]" "We'll just see about that." "[keyboard clicking]" "[flutters lips]" "Hey, check out what I found online." "Coolest thing I've ever seen in my life!" "I should hire this dog to work at my novelty store." "I wonder who his agent is." "[chili bubbling]" "Ooh oh!" "Get me a WiFi signal." "I can't." "The Internet is down." "Everywhere." "On earth." "Get me a WiFi signal." "Okay." "Archie, I told you not to show off." "I-I told you to act like a normal dog." "I'm sorry, but I was doing it to try impress Sally." "She's got no time for me." "It's driving me crazy!" "Look, if we don't get these taken down, they're gonna go viral." "Well, let's hope so." "Sorry, you're right." "Let's get them taken down." "How do we do that?" "Hi." "I need your help." "Sure, what's up?" "There's something you should know about Archie." "He's not a normal dog." "I know." "I saw him in the park." "That was pretty impressive." "I didn't know he could do all those tricks." "That's not all he can do." "Really, like what?" "Well, I can talk." "Ha." "Yeah, that's cool." "D-d-did you just..." "Did he just..." "Yes." "Okay, here's the highlight reel." "I'm a robot." "People are looking for me and we're wondering if you know how to get some pictures of me down from the Internet?" "Uh, um, uh yeah." "Yeah, I think I can." "Great." "We'll explain the rest later." "But-but I..." "Shh." "I know it's a lot." "[chili bubbling]" "Hi." "Hi." "Can I, uh, help you?" "Yeah, yeah." "I'm kinda hungry." "It's a long drive." "Um, what's good here?" "Uh, oh, well, everything." "Oh, okay." "Um..." "I don't really eat a lot of fast food, so." "Well, we don't really serve fast food." "I mean it's fast and it's food, obviously, but it's not fast food per se." "I like to call it "slow food, made fast."" "[chuckles]" "That's impressive." "I guess you're the owner?" "Yeah, yeah." "My name's Paul." "I'm Brooke." "Nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you." "So what brings you to town?" "You just passing through?" "No, um, actually, it's gonna sounds strange." "I'm looking for a dog." "He's my dog." "I'm looking for my dog." "I lost him." "Um, I think he might have ended up here." "Here?" "How would that have happened?" "Yeah." "I guess you could say he was being shipped across the country and he got loose and might be in this area." "You haven't seen a strange dog wandering around here," "As a matter of fact, I have." "Have you?" "My niece found a stray dog." "We've just taken him in." "Hey." "[breathing hard]" "You okay?" "Yeah, I'm just stirring the chili." "It's quite a workout." "Ah." "Oh, uh, this is Brooke and she lost her dog." "Yeah." "Is this him?" "No, definitely not." "I don't know." "It kinda looks like him." "N-no, not at all." "I-I'd like to see him, just to be sure." "Well, you can't." "I mean, you could if I still had him, but I don't anymore." "He ran away." "You didn't tell me Archie ran away." "Archie?" "Well, I'm sure he'll show up again soon." "And we're having a function at the restaurant tonight." "Maybe you want to come by." "Okay, sure, yeah!" "Okay." "Yeah." "[footsteps on gravel]" "Heh heh heh heh!" "I'm gonna get that robot." "[llama growls]" "What are you looking at?" "Is that my wig?" "[llama growls]" "Looks pretty good on ya." "[indiscernible crowd chatter]" "How you doing?" "Good to see you." "Hey, guys." "Your chili burger alone is worth my vote, Paul." "I wish you'd give me the recipe!" "Sorry, Madge, it's an ancient Sullivan family secret." "Excuse me." "Mm." "Hi." "Hi." "Welcome back." "Thanks." "I'm just wondering if my dog has shown up yet?" "Uh, no, no, I haven't seen him." "But-but you should stick around." "You know, in case he does show up again." "Would you like a chili burger?" "Sure!" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Uh, one second." "Hi, I'm Paul." "I don't believe we've met." "Health inspector." "I'd like to take a look around." "Uh, sure." "Can I ask what this is about?" "Routine check." "Routine check at 8pm on a Saturday?" "There are over 70 trillion types of bacteria and they don't just work 9 to 5, therefore neither do I." "Now, can you direct me to the kitchen." "Uh, yeah, sure." "It's this way." "Excuse me." "Archie!" "Hello." "Mr. Sullivan, I couldn't find one single health code violation in this entire establishment." "Believe me, I tried." "Well, we run an airtight ship around here." "[loud fart]" "Oh my." "[loud fart] [multiple farts exploding]" "[Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" playing in time to farting] [farting throughout]" "[music stops]" "[farting continues]" "[sighs]" "[Archie farts]" "You didn't happen to have a chili burger, did you?" "No, I ate a trumpet for dinner." "You took your eye off the chili, didn't you?" "[farts]" "Excuse me." "[sighs]" "You okay?" "This is terrible." "The health inspector's gonna put us under investigation." "Fartgate." "It could cost me the restaurant and the election." "[sighs]" "Remember I told you you didn't have to write me a campaign speech?" "Scratch that." "I need you to write me the best campaign speech in the history of campaign speeches." "I feel so bad for letting Paul down like this." "Hey." "Oh man." "It's my poster." "The Lindsays came into the arcade tonight." "They let it slip that they're helping Veronica." "She got them to spike the chili." "Dirty politics." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Oh yeah." "It's time to go incognito." "['70s funk music]" "All right, let's rock and roll." "Everybody stay frosty." "What?" "I always wanted to say that." "All right, let's split up." "And whatever you do, make sure you keep Veronica distracted." "[imitating The Terminator] I'll be back." "[phones ringing]" "Have we met?" "I don't believe so." "What publication did you say you were from again?" "The um, the um, the Global Gazette." "We're a very small online news outlet." "[clears throat]" "VERONICA:" "There's no cause greater to my heart than helping people." "[electronic sounds]" "Some people say that I'm selfless, that I'm a hero, but I don't see myself that way." "I think I know that girl from somewhere." "Hm." "ISABEL:" "And as mayor, what would you say that your first priorities would be?" "[gasps]" "To expose cheats." "You may think that you have pulled a fast one on me, but I am on to you." "Never try to outsmart a con woman." "[latch clicks in distance]" "[sighs]" "Okay, let's go." "Let's go." "ARCHIE:" "Whoa, this is like geek heaven." "Yeah." "Basically every penny that I've made at the arcade goes to buying this stuff." "Check out this setup." "You've even got "movie trailer voice" on this thing." "[big, echoing voice] Archie... part dog, part machine, totally awesome." "I like this guy." "[electronic sounds]" "Uh, you guys, I don't know if we should be hacking into someone's email." "It doesn't feel right." "For the record, I didn't hack in." "Her email was open." "I merely observed." "Besides, you won't feel bad when you see this." "Look at this chain of emails between Veronica and somebody named Kim Mathers..." "Matthews." "Kim Matthews is the CEO of Mogulburger." "Look at this." ""Dear Kim, it seems that my first attempt" ""at buying out the Bluebird Cafe has proven unsuccessful." ""However I have come up with a new tactic that will be much more effective and less expensive."" "What does that mean?" "It means that Veronica is running for mayor to put Paul out of business." "Can she do that?" "ARCHIE:" "If she becomes mayor, she can change the zoning code and revoke his food service licence." "And she already got Paul a bad report from the health inspector." "We need to stop her." "We have the evidence here." "How are we going to explain how we got it?" "We need to catch her in the act." "Seems we got a common enemy." "Oh?" "We do, do we?" "[chuckles, snorts]" "You said "do do."" "[clears throat]" "No, but seriously, we should totally team up." "Yes, maybe we should." "[yells] Oh, oohh!" "Oh-ho!" "Oh!" "You stay away from me, you creep!" "Argh!" "No, no, I mean the dog." "The dog's our common enemy." "The dog with the kids!" "What dog?" "I don't care about the dog." "I wanna stop those kids." "I don't care about those kids." "I want the dog!" "That's why I'm saying we should team up." "Yes." "Maybe we should." "You're not gonna spray me again with that thing, are ya?" "I think it's disgusting that Mayor Sullivan would resort to such dirty tactics as having his niece engage in political espionage." "I want a fair election." "Clearly, he does not." "This made the national news." "I-I-I was just trying to help." "Well don't." "Please." "What are you saying?" "Do you want me off the campaign?" "I'm sorry, but yes." "I can't afford any more disasters." "I can't believe I messed everything up so badly." "It wasn't just you." "It was all of us." "What a disaster." "Why wasn't I invited?" "Invited to where?" "To the pity party you guys are throwing for yourselves." "This defeatist attitude is not gonna get us anywhere." "You can't give up so easily." "Our luck could turn at any minute." "How?" "I'm very close to accomplishing my mission." "Let's meet tomorrow at 1:00 to sign the papers." "It's got to be at a secret location." "I don't want any witnesses." "There's an abandoned concert grounds out by Highway 12 and Service Road." "See you there." "Looks like we're back in business." "Doesn't look like anybody's here." "Let's get out and take a look." "There's nobody here." "I don't know." "I got a bad feeling about this." "[sniffing]" "Corn chips and cheap cologne." "[gasps]" "Heh, heh, heh!" "Hugh!" "Get in the box." "Ha ha ha, look who it is." "[laughs]" "Oh ho ho, just back off there, sporto." "I don't want to have to shut down this dog's mainframe." "It could erase his memory." "You don't want that, do ya?" "You'd better do as he says." "Archie, no." "I'd rather have it like this than risk losing the memories of our friendship." "HUGH:" "Yeah, listen to the mutt and cooperate with us." "Come on, time to go back." "[laughs]" "Us?" "VERONICA:" "Well, well, well, if it isn't the crack investigative journalists of the Global Gazette." "[latch shuts]" "So you're working with the infamous Hugh." "If you make the right deals in life, you get ahead." "Speaking of deals, are we square?" "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah." "Good." "What you want with that mangy dog, I have no idea." "You'd be surprised what this little fella's gonna get me on the black market." "Heh heh heh heh!" "Anyway, pleasure doing business with ya." "Oh, do you like monster trucks?" "You know, big wheels, a lotta torque?" "Never mind." "So, you two should be safe in here until after the election and I'm the new mayor of Deanewood." "Never try to outsmart a con woman." "[shutter bangs]" "No, no, no!" "Don't sell!" "Ralph, Ralph, look, I just need a couple more days." "I'm gonna get you the money." "Yeah!" "What?" "Wait, wait, wait." "[horn honking]" "What the crap!" "Hey, hey!" "Hey!" "[horn honking, tires screeching]" "[car doors slamming]" "Are you crazy?" "Where is he?" "Give him back!" "You?" "What are you-?" "Oh no, it's mine." "You gave it to me, it's mine." "I did not!" "I paid you to steal him for me and you never showed up at the meeting place." "Yeah, that the piddly little sum you were gonna pay me for him is nothing compared to what we can make out on the road together." "Stealing?" "No, working the system." "Oh, I thought we were friends." "See, yeah, that's the problem." "That's all you ever thought we were, but I wanted more." "I mean, didn't you ever notice that I would always empty your trash can first?" "Or that if there was only one blueberry muffin left in the cafeteria, I'd save it for ya?" "I mean, I thought we coulda been soul mates." "I had no idea." "Oh my god, Hugh." "Yeah, well forget it." "I don't care any more." "I was gonna name my new monster truck after you, but not anymore." "I am very sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I need my dog back, Hugh!" "Yeah, you want your mangy, little furry mutt robot back?" "Okay, I'll give it to ya, sure." "But for 10 times the price we agreed on. [scoffs]" "Otherwise, you know, I don't care." "I got another guy all lined up." "You know what, I have a better idea." "It's contained in this little doo-da right here." "Do you know what that is?" "Have you ever seen one before?" "It contains the security footage from Cyborganix of you stealing Archie." "So that's fine." "Thank you." "Bye bye." "No!" "You turned all that off!" "Kept a little something for myself in case you got greedy." "[laughs] You're bluffing." "Am I?" "You really think I would just blindly trust you?" "[laughs] That's fine." "I'm sure the federal authorities would love to see this." "Wait!" "[grunts]" "Give it." "You know, one day you're gonna regret letting a guy like me slip through your fingers." "Stupid mutt anyway." "[van door slams, engine starts]" "ARCHIE:" "Man, I hate this thing." "Thanks for letting me out." "Wait, I-I know you, don't I?" "You, You-you made me!" "Yes, I did." "Are you God?" "No!" "Are you my mother?" "No." "I, uh, I'm not your mother." "I'm just Brooke." "Well that's..." "kinda anticlimactic." "Okay, come on." "Let's go." "We gotta get you home." "Wait, I have some friends who are in trouble." "I have to save them." "I need your help." "[door rattling]" "Locked from the outside." "Why don't you tackle it down." "You're on the football team, right?" "Yeah, but I'm a quarterback." "I just..." "I don't..." "Just, let me give it a shot." "[rattling] [breathing hard]" "Archie!" "You didn't think I'd just leave you here, did you?" "Guys, I'd like you to meet Brooke, my creator." "So," "Archie is really your dog?" "Yes, sort of." "I'm a roboticist." "I invented the technology to create a robotic dog, one that would have a much longer lifespan and possess special abilities to help people in need." "Archie was the prototype." "It's like service animals." "On top of that, I also gave him a personality, a voice, and a sense of humour." "And then my company got bought out by a huge corporation with a very lucrative military contract and they had other ideas for the Archie project." "They wanted to use the dogs for warfare." "I could not support that." "So I had him stolen instead!" "I made a deal with Hugh." "I thought I could trust him." "And I was wrong." "Well, how did you get Hugh to give Archie back?" "I kept a memory stick that had footage of him stealing Archie from the lab, so I sort of forced a trade." "So... do you have to take Archie with you now?" "Yeah, I guess I do." "I can be a normal dog." "I promise!" "But you're not a normal dog, are you?" "Sorry, it's just too dangerous for you to stay here." "Please, Brooke, I can't leave yet." "I have to help Isabel with something." "It's really important." "[sighs]" "You know what?" "It's been a really long day." "I could use a shower, something to eat, even, before I drive all the way home, so I guess I could let you guys have a little more time together." "Okay?" "Thank you." "Okay, the election is tonight." "We have to stop Veronica." "This could be our last chance." "ARCHIE:" "I've got an idea." "You've got to call Veronica's cell in precisely 90 seconds and pretend you're Kim Matthews, the CEO of Mogulburger." "Tell her that you're having second thoughts about investing in Deanewood." "[zooming]" "[phone keys beeping]" "Here we go." "[ringtone]" "Kim, darling." "How are you?" "Uh, hi, Veronica." "This is definitely Kim Mathers." "Matthews!" "Matthews, I mean!" "Why are you speaking in that high voice?" "Are you getting sick?" "He's a guy!" "[clears throat, lowers voice] Um, yeah." "I've come down with that bizarre strain of laryngitis that causes your voice to raise several octaves." "Oh, that's terrible!" "Be sure to rest up and get better." "I'm gonna need you to fly out here soon." "Things are going as planned." "Wink, wink." "ISABEL:" "Uh, yeah, about that." "I've been having second thoughts about putting a Mogulburger location in uh, uh... what's that town called again?" "Deanewood, is it?" "VERONICA:" "Why are you having second thoughts?" "I cannot stress this enough." "A Mogulburger location here would be extremely lucrative for the company." "[laughs]" "Well, isn't there already a burger joint in that location?" "An amazing one, with amazing food!" "Or so I've heard." "VERONICA: [laughs] Oh please!" "It's a small business, a mom-and-pop shop, just like every other pathetic establishment in this two-bit, one-horse town." "We can be on the forefront of running these independent companies into the ground and bring in a Megaplex mall." "This place won't even be a town when I'm through with it." "It'll just be another nook of consumerism with Mogulburger as its king." "Okay, sounds good." "Bye!" "That went well." "[zooming]" "Alrighty, I got all the raw footage." "Okay." "The debate's in two hours." "We gotta get this together fast." "All right." "Game on." "I'm really gonna miss you... when this is all over." "Me too." "Justin." "Happy birthday!" "[indiscernible chatter]" "Brooke!" "[yells]" "Oh no." "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No, no, no, no!" "No, no, no, no, no!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "No!" "[engine starts]" "Nooooo!" "[microphone feedback]" "Good evening." "He's dying up there." "Okay, you guys go set up." "I've gotta give Uncle Paul his speech." "[clears throat]" "I've so got this." "Uncle Paul." "You forgot your campaign speech." "Trust me." "Uh, hi!" "PAUL:" "You all know me as a man of action, not so much words." "I believe in the mantra that a person should be measured not by what they say, but by what they do." "And over my time as mayor, I think you all know that I have tried to remain true to that." "Yes, I may have faltered, but my heart has always been in the right place." "You have all seen my true colours." "But the person whose colours you have not seen are my opponent's." "While she may indeed be colourful," "I'll let you be the judge as to whether she has been true or not." "What is this?" "What are you doing?" "I guess I'm outsmarting a con woman." "It's show time!" "[whirring]" "MALE NARRATOR:" "In the peaceful town of Deanewood, there lived a man named Paul..." "A mayor, a leader, an inspirer." "The only thing more reliable than his word was his chili cheeseburger." "But every great hero must be challenged by evil." "This place won't even be a town when I'm through with it." "It'll just be another nook of consumerism with Mogulburger as its king." "[clears throat]" "This summer, will the princess of darkness defeat our hero?" "[echoing] You decide, you decide, you decide." "[explosions] [whirring slows, stops] [applause]" "[microphone feedback]" "That's not fair." "That's not true!" "MAN:" "Hey, get off the stage!" "[jeers and booing]" "Boo!" "Boooo!" "[laughs]" "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "That was amazing." "[laughs]" "How did you manage to do that?" "Well, let's just say we had a little help from a friend." "Well, if poll numbers are any indication, this is gonna be a landslide." "Congratulations, Mr. Mayor." "Thank you." "This isn't over, Paul." "Actually, I think it is." "Hi." "Hi." "That was really impressive in there." "Oh that?" "You saw that?" "Yeah." "Oh well, thanks." "REPORTER:" "Mr. Mayor, do you have a quote for the local paper?" "I'll be right back." "So, I guess you're here to take your dog." "Yeah, I'm afraid so." "Well, could I just have a moment with him to say goodbye." "Of course." "[vehicle accelerating]" "I'm gonna get that robot!" "[siren wailing]" "Whoa!" "[siren continues]" "Well, pal, it's been great getting to know you." "[sighs]" "Thank you... for being the best friend a girl could ever have." "[siren wailing]" "ARCHIE: [electronic voice] Danger!" "Danger!" "Danger!" "Archie?" "Danger!" "Ah ha-ha ha-ha!" "Whoa!" "[crashing]" "Danger!" "Danger!" "Danger!" "Archie!" "Danger!" "Danger!" "Danger!" "Danger!" "Danger!" "Danger!" "[tires screech] [explosion and crashing]" "[echoing, distorted voices of Isabel and Archie]" "You're my best friend." "I never really had a family." "You're my best friend." "Until now." "You're my best friend." "I never really had a family." "You're my best friend." "Until now... till now." "[steam hissing]" "Archie, you did it!" "[door slams]" "[distorted, slowed down] Saved you... [electric buzzing] No!" "Huh?" "Wha?" "I didn't..." "[handcuffs click]" "Let's go." "[electric buzzing]" "Archie, why did you do that?" "[distorted] Not bad for just a machine, huh?" "That's not true." "You're not just a machine." "[voice breaking] You have a soul." "The purest soul of anyone I know." "[heartbeat]" "[buzz]" "[electronic sounds]" "Am I alive or..." "is this heaven?" "You're alive." "Thanks to Brooke." "Oh wow." "It's so great to see you guys." "It's like being alive and being in heaven at the same time." "You did a really brave thing, Archie." "Well, I do have all kinds of amazing talents." "Yeah, so I've learned." "Right." "Hi, I'm Archie." "I'm not a normal dog." "No kidding." "Well, I guess you'll have to take Archie home now." "Yeah, yeah, you're probably right." "The thing is I think he is home." "You really think so?" "I think Archie belongs here." "Thank you." "Aw, thanks, God." "I-I mean, Mom." "I mean Brooke." "Are you sure this is okay?" "How could I say no?" "You're the best, Uncle Paul." "Sorry, we'll ease into the whole "uncle" thing." "Sure." "Whoof!" "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm a tad hungry." "There you go." "That's pretty good." "Maybe you can talk to the boss about getting me a job here." "Really?" "Yeah." "I was thinking maybe I'd stick around for a while." "It's a nice town." "It'll be a nicer town with you in it." "I mean, um, someone with your wealth of knowledge would be a valuable asset to the town." "You're cute." "[laughs]" "What?" "Before the Lindsays left tonight," "I got some of Timmy's farting powder and I may have spiked their drinks with a double dose." "[loud farting] [blubbering] What's happening?" "It hurts!" "This is your fault." "This is your fault!" "It was your idea." "I didn't do anything." "[farting continues] [crying]" "[laughs]" "That's awesome." "I figured they had it coming after they were so mean to you." "Oh, I'm-I'm sorry." "That was super dorky." "You're making fun of me, right?" "Yep." "Okay." "Well, how about this?" "Um, was that too dorky?" "No." "Not at all." "Look, I'm sorry things didn't work out between us." "I really did my best to impress you, but... [imitating Bogie] I guess the problems of two little dogs don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world." "[whines]" "Aw, shucks!" "Hey, I didn't know we opened this early." "I would have been here at this time every day." "We've got burgers." "We've got fries." "That should come as no surprise." "We've got shakes and onion rings." "Whatever it takes, we're the kings!" "[classic rock music]" "♪ I can see you want ♪" "♪ To get me out of this mess ♪" "♪ If you can ♪" "♪ Why don't you help ♪" "♪ I think I have a friend in you ♪" "♪ I think I have a friend in you ♪" "♪ Gonna give it all to you ♪" "♪ You tell me ♪" "♪ Don't turn your back on me ♪" "♪ Don't let me down ♪" "♪ Only you can tell me what's ahead ♪" "♪ Only you can take me there ♪" "♪ I'll follow you there ♪" "♪ Follow you there ♪" "♪ Follow you there ♪" "♪ I'll follow you there ♪" "♪ Follow you there ♪" "♪ Follow you there ♪" "♪ Don't turn your back on me ♪" "♪ Don't walk away ♪" "♪ Only you can show me what's ahead ♪" "♪ Only you can take me there ♪" "♪ Take me there ♪" "♪ I'll follow you there ♪" "♪ Follow you there ♪" "♪ Follow you there ♪" "♪ I'll follow you there ♪" "♪ Follow you there ♪" "♪ Follow you there ♪" "♪ Don't turn your back on me ♪ ♪ I'll follow you there ♪" "♪ Don't let me down ♪ ♪ Follow you there ♪" "♪ Only you can show me what's ahead ♪ ♪ I'll follow you there ♪" "♪ Only you can take me there ♪ ♪ Follow you there ♪" "Please tell me that idiot's stolen data worked." "Oh, it worked all right." "[growls]" "Perfect." "Take your money and get out." "Yeah, sure." "Thanks." "Heh heh heh!" "And hey, uh, listen." "Sorry about that whole other unfortunate incident." "I was..." "Shut up." "Get out." "Sure." "[electronic beeping] [growls]"