"(Applause)" "Middle and leg, please, Peter." "All right, towards you." "Little more." "Little more." "I want you." "And I want you now." "Scintilla of a nano inch more." "That's middle and leg." "You are, you're the most... (Snores)" "All right, three to come." "Right arm over." "And, play." "Howzat!" "Oh, that's very out, Nigel." " New batsman." " Ah!" "I'm in." "(Applause)" " Well done." "I know." "Sorry, Nigel." "Should have moved your feet." "No, no, no." " Um..." "I'm in." " Oh!" "Be careful, he's quick." "Bloody quick." "Never saw it." "OLIVIA:" "We had a deal, Mr Pearson." "Leg, please, Umpire." "Yeah, that's leg." "Two to come, right arm over." "Play." "Nice shot, Simon." "Oh, Lord, he's back." "(Applause)" "(Chuckles)" "Um..." "I thought this was my office?" "No, I'm just seeing what we're up to." "Did you just say what we're up to?" "Yeah, I'm coming back to work - as a partner." "Simon, you're being prosecuted." "Yes, but not yet." "The SRA say it's OK to practice, pending any proceedings." "So here I am." "Yes, but that isn't what they say, is it?" "They've laid down strict conditions." "Ten of them!" "Ten commandments, ten thou shalt not dos." "Couldn't be clearer if Moses brought it down from Mount Sinai." "Oh, chi-lax, will you?" "On the door, it says "Kingdom and Kingdom"." "And the second one's back." "No, Simon, I'm the second one." "And Dad was the first." "No, Dad's dead and I'm not." "Well... not now anyway." "Oh..." "I need to borrow the car." "(Knock at door)" "Your ten o'clock's here, Peter." "Morning, Louise." "Louise?" "Chi-lax." "What kind of word is "chi-lax"?" "Nice car, Simon." "Thank you!" "So, do you fancy another innings, Mrs Pearson?" "Simon Kingdom!" "(Both laugh)" "OLIVIA:" "I could go out of business." "£5,000 is a lot of money." "No, no, I'm sure, Mrs Godfrey." "It's just..." "You gave this money to the Cricket Club?" "For sponsorship." "And they've reneged on the agreement." "Mr Pearson promised." "Nigel Pearson?" "Look, I won't be taken for a fool." "I gave that man a cheque." "My shop was to have its name on the kit and the pavilion." "Willow on leather." "In business terms, a perfect fit." "But when I turned up last Sunday, it wasn't Tiger Lily's on the jumpers, it was Exhausts R Us." "Most upsetting." "What exactly is your shop?" "Well, what do you think?" "Naughty boy." "You see, Lyle, scratch the surface of Market Shipborough and you will expose sedimentary layers of legal complexity." "Where else would you find a woman's hopes dashed by a tyre and exhaust centre?" "But what exactly does she sell?" "Use your imagination." "GLORIA: (Groans) Oh, Peter!" "Have you been playing Warrior God Slayers again?" "It's crashed." "I haven't touched it, I swear to you." "Er..." "Mr Snell, are you all right?" "Sidney, what happened?" "I wonder, Mr Kingdom, if I might have a word with you of a private nature?" "Right." "Well, let's go to the garden." "Arrh!" "Well, no wonder you found it difficult to walk." "They sent two of them." "Did they?" "And um... what exactly is this?" "Well... it's a Nordic ski trainer." "It's for Gloria." "You know, birthday present." "So you and she really are?" "Whatever." "That doesn't matter." "The thing is..." "I can't give it to her if I can't erect it." "Well, quite." "I bought it off the internet - NorwegianDelights." "Com." "But I'm getting nowhere complaining and they won't give me my money back." "Mr Kingdom, I want you to make them eat dirt!" "This is really important to me, Mr Kingdom." "Hmm?" "So, er... not a word." "No, no, no, no." "My lips are sealed, Mr Snell." "Peter." "Exhausts R Us also did their sponsorship deal with Nigel Pearson." "Oh, they did, did they?" "You leave this with me, Mr Snell." "Right, come on, let's go." "If you just hold that for about 30 seconds." "So, yes, the sponsorship." "Well, it was all looking very promising." "Mrs Godfrey was very generous, so we did the printing." "But the team threw a wobbly and downright refused to wear the kit." "What was wrong with it?" "See, I thought it was all right, cos the motto was in Latin." ""Coito, ergo sum." "I make love, therefore I am." How original." "But I think it was the logo that did the damage." "(Mobile rings)" " Oh, my Lord!" " Hello?" " That's for the children's home." " Ow!" " Lyle!" "Well, you've got my vote." "A fellow warrior!" "Would you mind helping me a moment?" " Certainly." " Thanks so much." " Just hold that." " OK." "Now, can you put that through there?" " No problem." " And click it." "Thanks." " But now you're attached..." " Recycle plastics, or we won't pay our taxes!" "Recycle plastics, or we won't pay our taxes!" "She's nothing to do with me." "I'm surprised Peter hasn't palmed Henny off on you before." "She's a bit of a nutter." "We always like to give her the same cell." "Keeps her quiet." "(Banging) Police brutality!" "Yeah!" "Hello, Henny." "Now, if people want to chain themselves up in their own home, that is their own affair." "But a bit of light bondage is a world away from chaining yourself to the council railings." "(Banging)" " Human rights!" "Yes, dear." "Yes." "One witness said she had an accomplice." "All yours." "My hero!" "(Chuckles)" "I'll contact the council and the courts on your behalf- try to negotiate a way through this." "In the meantime, no chaining yourself to railings." "Is that clear?" " But the protest must go on." " Oh, of course." "But a little less obviously." "What's the point of civil action, if nobody knows you're taking it?" "There must be ways." "Gandhi had some pretty good ideas." "Gandhi?" "Of course." "He walked across India." "I could walk across..." "No." "You can't walk anywhere." "You can't leave the area." " Silent protest outside the council?" " Obstruction." " Leaflets?" " Litter." " I could live in a tree." " Wildlife bylaws." "If I were you, I'd just stay at home." "Put your feet up." "(Chuckles)" "All right." "Now, click on History." "Let's see what caused your hiccup." "NorwegianDelights." "Com?" "Oh, Peter!" "What?" "I haven't touched your machine." "Why would you assume that something called NorwegianDelights." "Com is a euphemism for pornography?" "Well, what else could it be?" "Herrings?" "Just take my word for it." "All right?" "Eccentric and completely barking she might be... but at least Henny believes in something - views which I share." "Don't get yourself chained to anything." "The Law Society takes a dim view of solicitors in cells." "Speaking of which, I want you to baby-sit Simon for me - in the legal capacity." "Be my ears and eyes." "Make sure he doesn't get up to anything he shouldn't." "(Laughs) Come here, you!" "(Laughing)" "Ohh!" "Mwah!" "Catch me if you can!" "I'm gonna catch you, Mrs Pearson!" " Ooh, Simon!" "Can't you wait?" " No, I can't." " And here we are." " Er..." "Well, come along, for goodness' sake." "Nothing to be embarrassed about." "Someone might see me." "Good morning." "Mr Kingdom." "So good to see you again." "What's the news?" "Well, I'm afraid the players refuse to wear the kit, Olivia." "The logo." "What's wrong with it?" "Well, you have to admit that any bee looking for pollen in that lily logo is in for a nasty shock." "I'm sorry, Olivia, but... have you looked at what you sell?" "Don't be such a prude." "I'm not." "I'm just saying that, on the appropriate scale, a sex shop sponsoring a cricket team is minus six out of ten." "It doesn't matter whether it's a sex shop or a greengrocer." "It makes no difference in law." "The contract was signed and executed by Nigel Pearson himself on behalf of the club." "Lyle... put it down." "Sorry." "Oh, good God!" "Get off." "(Air hissing)" "Sorry..." "Leave the goods alone, Lyle." "ROSIE:" "Oh, thanks for a brilliant time." "Same time next week?" "Wild horses wouldn't stop me." "Mwah!" "Send my love to your husband. (Chuckles)" "See you!" "Nigel!" "I'm home!" "Have you missed me?" "(Groans)" "Mwah!" "What on earth?" "(Phone rings)" " Lyle Anderson." " Lyle?" "Oh, thank goodness." "Listen." "I've been burgled." "Burgled?" "What have they taken?" "Everything, Lyle." "Except the phone." " So, what do you think?" " Yes, it's very..." "It's very..." "Do you know, I don't think there's a word for it?" "All that's really missing are clients." "What about my old clients?" "Yes, I had to take them on, after you..." "went swimming." "I've built up a relationship with them." "They trust me." "I trust them." "But you trust everybody." "That's your problem." "Peter, Henny Leach... has been burgled." "Henny?" "Are you sure it's not one of her cries for help?" "Oh." "I'll tell you what." "Why don't you introduce her to Simon?" "Love to." "Lyle, so good you're here." "Erm... who's this?" "Simon Kingdom." "Lyle works for us." "Well, I just came back and found this." " Good Lord." " It's everything." "My campaign literature, all the research documents." "And my scrapbook..." "with all my court appearances." " I presume you've informed the..." " The police, Mr Kingdom?" "Yes, Mr Anderson did." "Some people are more willing to work with the police than others, if you get my meaning." "Still, I'm glad to see you're in gainful employment." "Like you said, they've really turned her over." "Professional job." "No sign of forced entry." "Somehow, they managed to get in through that tiny little window." "You will go easy when you catch them, won't you?" "I mean, they probably come from a deprived background, and they have no choice but to resort to a life of crime." "Ms Leach... you're the victim here." "The people that did this - they don't have any more rights than you do." "So, what should she do?" "What?" "Advice to client." "I mean, you are one of the partners." "Ooh..." "Er... it's a tricky one." "Erm..." "I think he's trying to say that, because you left your window open, your insurance might not cover you." "That is what you were trying to say, isn't it, Mr Kingdom?" " Yeah." " But I don't have insurance." "I just don't believe in it." "(Phone rings)" " Hello." "Nigel Pearson." "Yes, Nigel." "Peter Kingdom." "Have you got a moment?" "Ah, Peter." "Yes." "Er... not a good time." "I'll have to come back to you." "OK." "Bye. (Sighs)" "Right." "Who's for crazy golf, then?" "(Cheering)" "Something is just not right here." "Yet another member of the cricket team says he never even saw the kit." "I can't understand why Nigel Pearson would lie." "He's not that kind of man." "Have you any idea how much he does for this town?" "Look, I have a contract." "He came to me, I said yes, I gave him the money." "I'm not the grubby one in this relationship." "Right." "I need every single detail." "How did you meet?" "Customer." "He was in buying something for his wife." "What was it, now?" "Spanking paddle, I think." " Ah, just the man." " Oh, Mr Kingdom." "Have you been coming into our office and crashing Gloria's computer?" "Yeah, that was me." "Well, thanks to you, I'm being blamed as a user of internet pornography." "Which you're not?" "Certainly not." "Look, I think we may have a problem." "Norwegian Delights is based in Trondheim." "You are based in Market Shipborough." "So, what am I gonna get Gloria for her birthday present?" " Chocolates." "Flowers." " Well, it's..." "Wheelbarrow." "Not quite as romantic, perhaps, but if you..." "Hang on." "Nigel?" "Nigel!" "(Chuckles)" "I can come back when you're less busy." "Oh, yeah." "Very amusing." "What is it?" "The council returned my calls." "They've got a court order against Henny for non-payment of council tax." "The bailiffs have been instructed." "But they won't get much." "She's been burgled." "Are you being this thick on purpose?" "She hasn't been burgled." "The bailiffs have cleaned her out." "I took you at your word." "Even though you're a defendant in this possible action, I trusted you." "Simon wasn't there when I showed them the kit." "I've had so much trouble with the committee over it." "Morning, Isabel." "Hello, Sophie, Georgia." " Apple?" " Thank you." "All my client wants is what you and she agreed:" "To sponsor the team." "Look, I'll sort this out." "I'm on the cusp of a breakthrough." "Wear the Tiger Lily sweaters or give back the money." "The best thing is:" "You back off." "Leave it to me." "I'll sort it." "You know me." " Here's an apple for you." " For me?" "Thank you very much." "How kind." "Melts your heart, doesn't it?" "Cut the clever-bugger stuff and brief me on the law again." " You don't know it?" " Well, I did know it, but... right now I can't recall it." "I thought you weren't supposed to work on financial cases." "Oh, God, you sound just like my brother." "Tell me the law, or I'll twist your ears." "All right?" "It rather reminds me of those university library sit-ins." "Yeah, well, we've looked into this, Henny, and the upshot is that your goods and chattels were removed by the bailiffs to repay your council tax." "Well, they don't have the right, do they?" "Yes." "If you'd paid, they wouldn't have taken your stuff." "But I thought we were conscientious objectors." "In spirit." "Still, bailiffs have to abide by the law." "They can't just swan into your property and take your things..." "Did they give you seven days' notice?" "No." "They have to give you seven working days' notice." " Actually, that's not quite right." " What do you mean?" "Bailiffs can enter without giving any notice." "If you open the door to them, or leave a door or window open, they can come into your house and seize your goods." "Without the seven working days' notice?" "Yeah." "I don't know where you got that from." "But what worries me is how they got in through that tiny window." "(Door bell)" " Oh, excuse me." " Aaaarghh!" " How kind of you... to humiliate me in front of a client!" "Any time." "Yeah." "Don't mention it." "Oh, and about your bag..." " Ah, finally." " You want to be more careful." "Especially with that sort of cash." "It's in an even safer place now." "Mr Kingdom... this is my next-door neighbour." "She feeds my cats for me when I'm on remand or away doing time." "She says she let two very nice gentlemen in from the electricity board." "I'm gonna need a screwdriver." "Oh." "I'm completely appalled." "It's offensive - that's what it is." "Too right." "It's that Peter Kingdom making us wear you-know-whats on our cricket jumpers." "No offence, but your brother is a complete arse." "Oh, none taken, I assure you." "You see, you and I are part of a dying breed, an endangered species." "Solicitorus Care-A-Lottus." "You've got a lot of bottle, showing your face around here - at least until the anger subsides." "What anger?" "Forcing them to be sponsored by a sex shop." "No, that's complete nonsense." "It was Nigel Pearson who signed that contract." "Oh, that's not how he's been telling it." "What do you think we are?" "Perverts?" "Don't you ever come and umpire here again." "Told you they were angry." "Oh... (Bottles clinking)" "(Banging)" "Nigel!" "I know you're in there, Nigel!" "Right." "I'm going to count to six." "And if you haven't opened the door, I'm going to sue you for slander." "One, two, three, four..." "Two left in the over." "Five..." " (Groans)" " And..." "So, I'm making them wear phallic jumpers, am I?" "They probably got the wrong end of the stick." "Thanks to you, the club thinks I'm some sort of sex-obsessed dildo-phile." "It's nothing to do with me, Nigel." "You are the one who signed the contract." "And you are the one who's obliged to keep his end of the bargain." "I will." "The club will." "You've already cashed Olivia's cheque for £5,000." "But the printing's already been done." "I don't know what to do." "Either the club honours its deal, or we come after you for the money." "You've got 24 hours." "(Tyres squealing)" "Doesn't look very welcoming." "No, I..." "Yeah, all right." "Look, I've got to go." "That nutter's back." "Actually, I'm glad you're here." "Saves us the bother of posting the bill." "This must be the fifth time we've repossessed your property." " Why are you posting it to her?" " She's liable for the costs." "What?" "Your costs are meant to be fair and reasonable." "Well, it's inflation." "That's how much it costs to recover property these days." "Yes, well, we heard you said you were from the electricity board." "No." "We got in through an open window." "All perfectly legal." "Then would you mind showing me who gained entry through this window?" " Jason?" " Yeah?" "What?" " Run that by me again." " He's put on a few pounds." "Illegal entry." "Illegal removal of property." "I want it back, and I want it back now." "You can't take advantage of vulnerable people like that." "Simon?" "(Laughter)" "Oh, Simon..." "Well, I don't understand." "Nigel Pearson's such a nice man." "We couldn't do without him." " Well..." " How are you and Simon getting on?" "Well, he's spending a lot of time with other people's wives." "Says he wants to put down roots." "He had roots." "He tore them up." "Simon's problem is that he's so believable." "Even he believes the lies he tells." "Well, don't be too hard on him." "It wasn't so long ago we were mourning his passing." "And now he's back, I hear he's the life and soul of the cricket club." "And you are Market Shipborough's very own pornographer in chief." "That is a complete lie." "I only ever go into that sex shop for professional reasons." "As a lawyer." "What's this?" "A shopping list for Tiger Lily's, from the residents." "Sex is not just the preserve of the young." "And... what exactly is a "human chocolate sundae"?" "Oh, that's Mr Butler's." "It comes in a box." "One sheet of polythene, a quart of chocolate sauce, a quart of ice cream and a cherry." " Oh, just the one cherry?" " Yes." "Heaven knows where you put it." "Olivia?" "It's Peter Kingdom." "Oh, actually, I'm right outside." "Yeah, do you mind if I don't?" "People have been talking." "Well, if he doesn't come up with a solution or your money... we're going to have to go after him." "We need your permission." "Do it." "Don't hesitate." "Yeah, but if you go after Nigel Pearson, you're in danger of becoming a social pariah." "I run a sex shop, Mr Kingdom." "I'm already a social pariah." "It makes me laugh." "I've a good profit going here, so someone's buying my stuff." "But they're all so prudish." "What is it I do that's so wrong?" "I improve people's sexual relationships, keep their marriages together." "What's wrong with that?" "You divorce people, but they don't hate you." "Oh, I don't know." "I'm not exactly flavour of the month at the moment." "You want a pudding?" "Special of the day:" "Chocolate sundae." "Oh, that reminds me." "Aunt Auriel's shopping list." "That can't be right." "Advokat." "Yeah." "Lawyer in Market Shipborough." "Er..." "Snakker ikke Norsk." "How do you say, "I want to sue your bottom off" in Norwegian?" "Give it here." "Ja har." "(Speaks Norwegian)" "(Norwegian)" "(Speaks Norwegian)" "(Norwegian)" "Ja." "Ja." "Ja." "New ski-trainer tonight." "I've accepted their offer of compensation." "But..." "I spent a few months out in the fjords... trying to work out if it was a good idea to... kill myself." "Anyway, can I borrow the car again?" "Of course." "Yes." "Great." "Thank you." "Cheers." "I've been so selfish." "All I've ever done is look on his disappearance from my perspective - being left high and dry." "It never occurred to me that he'd been suffering too." " Was he?" " Well, of course he was." "How do you know?" "Do you think he's lying to me?" "Simon's never known where the truth ends and fantasy begins." "You're not the selfish one, Peter." "He is." "SIMON:" "Mrs Pearson, that's not the gear stick!" "ROSIE:" "Let's go and play at the beach." "I've got some new toys!" "Excellent!" "(Laughs) Bring it on!" " One for you." "(Slap)" " Ow!" " And one for me." "(Laughing)" "Ah." "Did you find the postbox?" "Yeah." "Is that all I do?" "Take the post?" "Well, we've all got to start somewhere." "This is meant to be work experience." "How am I going to be a barrister by posting letters?" "But you're a great help." "I'm only doing this cos she forced me to." "And she banned me from playing cricket - even though I captain the school team." "She's so annoying." "She's your mother." "She's supposed to be annoying." "Tell you what." "Here's the deal." "But you have to promise me to behave like a normal child." "What's in it for me?" "There." "My grandfather's." " Make sure the top two are weighed." " All right." "And get the receipt, will you?" "Oh, dear." "I don't want to upset Scott, but I was hoping Sidney might do something for my birthday." " Well, he might." " No." "He hasn't shown any interest." "Well, there's still time." "Harry, how are things in the fish-and-chip business?" "Things could be better, Peter." "Somebody's done me out of some money." "I sponsored the cricket team." " Same again, please, Ted." " I don't think you should, Nigel." "Don't tell me what to do." "It's best you make your way home." "I need your bike." "Nigel Pearson's got a lot of explaining to do." "Treating me like... dirt." "Cow." "Look out!" "(Groans)" "Oh, my God!" "Ambulance." "I think I've killed someone." " How is he?" " Not good." "He just stepped off the pavement." "There was nothing I could do." "Oh, no." "With the injuries you gave him, he's fine." "They're discharging him later this morning." "No, he hasn't stopped crying about his wife." "It's terrible, isn't it?" "He's such a nice bloke." "Please, Rosie." "Please take it." "I bought it for you." "I don't want your stupid necklace!" "I'm going." "I'm leaving." "Simon!" "Oh, Peter." "Is he in?" "Nigel, it's the man who nearly killed you." "And keep the noise down." "I've got a headache." " I'm so sorry." " No." "It was my fault." "I didn't look where I was going." "From where I was, it looked as if you deliberately walked into the traffic." "Can I come and see you, sort this whole business out?" "Well, in your own time, when you're ready." "No - now." "My 24 hours is up." "I don't know what to do." "I stole." "I'm a thief." "I'm in terrible debt." "Big, big debt." "Hi." "You wanted me?" "Oh..." "Erm..." "Nigel." "Nigel's been falsely promising sponsorships to businesses all over Market Shipborough." "I've conned people." "I don't think I'll ever be able to look them in the eye again." "But presumably, the emotional strain you've been under, because of your... failing marriage, means that you don't really know what you've been doing." "No." "I knew what I was doing." "Undertakers." "Newsagents." "Chip shop." "Sue me." "Make me bankrupt." "It'll end all the turmoil." "You see, Rosie's been having affairs." " Awful, isn't it?" " Yeah, yeah." "I thought if I bought her something, she'd stop." "I got her a diamond necklace." "I knew it was wrong, but I didn't know what to do." "Peter..." "I want her back." "Simon... what do you suggest?" "Erm..." "Well... difficult one, isn't it?" "Mm." "Isn't it?" "(Tearfully) I feel like such a failure!" "Listen." "Will you excuse us?" "I'd really like to get Simon's considered opinion on this." "Pleased with yourself?" "Peter, I do not know what you are talking about." "No?" "Well, let me remind you." "I do wish you'd clear up after your messes." "I found these in my glove compartment." "Mrs Rosie Pearson." "Well, you heard it yourself:" "It wasn't just me." "Oh, so, you joined a queue, did you?" "The poor man is having a nervous breakdown, and you're gallivanting with his wife!" "Do you have an ounce of remorse in your whole body?" " I didn't know it was affecting him." " Affecting him?" "Do you have any capacity to distinguish between right and wrong?" "Or does that all go west as soon as you scent the soft allure of some marital thighs?" "We're not all like you, Peter!" "We're not all Mr bloody High And Mighty." "What happened to common decency?" "Well, all right." "OK, OK." "What do you want me to do, then?" "Reparation." "For all the damage you've caused." "Ah..." "Mr Kingdom." "Will they soon be polishing their balls on my whites?" "Sadly not." "No." "Erm..." "We found we couldn't enforce the contract." "I'm afraid you're the victim of a confidence trick." "And you're not the only one." "I've lost my money?" "Well, actually, I did manage to trace it." "Mr Kingdom..." "I don't know how to thank you." "Don't be silly." "Oh, hello." "Will Lyle be free to join a protest at lunch time?" "This lunch time?" "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'm afraid not." "Oh." "Would you be offended if, every time I get arrested, I ask for him in future?" "Offended?" "Not in the slightest." "Er..." "I understand you sell handcuffs?" "Yes." "I'll..." "leave you to it." "Oh, no, don't go." "I've got the order for your aunt's care home." "I've put in extra whipped cream." "Good." "Thank you." "Don't buy willies from Tiger Lily's!" "Don't buy willies from Tiger Lily's." "Well, I won't, then." "Don't buy willies from Tiger Lily's!" "Hello, Mr Good Samaritan." "If you've finished now... can I have the rest of my money back, please?" "Oh, no." "Not until after the trial." "I'm keeping it out of your reach, until you show me you can behave like a responsible adult." "And what's more, dear brother, we all know perfectly well that the moment I give it to you, you'll be out of the door in a flash." "It was a protest against the sexual enslavement of women." "Yes." "But you assaulted DC Yelland with a spanking paddle." "Now, if you're lucky, you might get off with a fine." "And then, perhaps, together, we could really tackle the issue of renewable energy." "And CC TV." "And those microchips they put inside the dustbins." "Perhaps, Henny." "We'll see." "He's a decent man, Rosie." "He loves you." "But we had such a great time." "I know." "I know." "And that's how we should remember it." " Look, I know there have been others." " (Sobs)" "I've done a lot of running away from problems myself, Rosie." "And in the end, you find the problems come with you." "And sometimes the best thing is..." "to confront them." "Talk to him, Rosie." "Give your marriage a chance." "Talk." "(Sobs)" "Mr Kingdom." "Mr Snell, is there something wrong with the door?" "Would you thank your brother for me?" "Thank Simon?" "What for?" "Special delivery from Trondheim." "And I got compensation." "I'll certainly pass on your thanks." "Yes." "Thing is, I'm not sure how to put it together." "Why don't you just wait here a moment?" "I don't know what all the fuss is about." "It's simple." "Well, I'm glad, because it's for your mother." " From you?" " Not exactly." "(Laughs) Sidney, what's going on?" "A-ha!" "Sidney!" "I've bought you... a birthday present!" "It's lovely." "Mum, I'm not stupid." "I know." " You don't mind?" " No." "Cost you a tenner, though." "Well... done." "What is it?" "Well, it's a ski trainer." "A ski trainer?" "I'm touched." "I really am." "See, the thing is, Mr Kingdom had to threaten to sue 'em." "And as a result, I got compensation, so..." "Mrs Gloria Millington, would you do me the signal honour of being my companion on the Nordic Princess?" "They've sent us two tickets for a cruise up the Norwegian fjords!" "Oh, Mr Snell!" "Scott, that thing we were going to talk about - remember?" "We should..." "Well, I'll take that as a yes, then." "And... happy birthday." "Thank you." "(Chiming)" "(Cheering and applause)" "(Bell)" "Is it safe to show my face?" "Well, the only way to find out is to confront it." "A little contrition." "A little explanation." "You'd be amazed how understanding Market Shipborough can be." "Where's Simon?" "He's supposed to be opening the batting for me." "He's playing instead of me." "Yeah, well, reliability was never really his strong point." "Oh, no." "They'll hate me even more now." "Nigel!" "You've got to stop trying to please everyone all the time." "You already do a lot for this town." "Maybe it's time you concentrated on doing things for yourself for a while." "But, as for your opening-bat problem, I do know someone." "Possibly even better than Simon." "Go on!" "Nigel, I..." "I just..." "Oh, I'm sorry!" "We need to get to know each other again." "CRICKETER:" "Out!" "(Cheering)" "(Chuckles)" " One run!" "(Cheering)" "(Applause)" "Good knock, Scott!" "Always play the ball that's bowled, not the one you're expecting." "How right you are!" " Well done!" " Well done, mate"