"♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪" "♪ my back is gettin' tight" "♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪" "♪ on the queensboro bridge tonight ♪" "♪ but I don't care, 'cause all I want to do ♪" "♪ is cash my check and drive right home to you ♪" "♪ 'cause, baby, all my life" "♪ I will be drivin' home to you ♪" "No, sweetie, it's no problem." "We can come pick you up." "Yeah, ok, we'll see you then." "Bye-bye." "What are you doin'?" "The other day I--I cut out a coupon to supersize your popcorn for free at the movies, and now I don't know what I did with it." "Well, we have to leave in a minute so you may have to kiss that dream goodbye." "Why don't you just pay for whatever popcorn you want?" "No, 'cause you're gonna pressure me to get a medium." "If I have the coupon, it's out of our hands." "Who was that on the phone?" "Oh, that was Kelly." "She's coming with us tonight." "Oh, really?" "What?" "Would you rather she sit at home alone, depressed that she and Deacon are separated?" "I wouldn't say "rather"." "Well, she is coming." "So back it down." "But you know I feel bad that they're not together." "You know I do." "It's just..." "This threesome thing is just brutal." "They always seat you at a table for 4." "Then they whip away that extra napkin and silverware." "It's very upsetting to me." "Really?" "You didn't seem that upset 2 nights ago, when we went out with just Deacon." "It was a buffet." "We've gone out with Deacon alone and now we're goin' out with Kelly alone." "They're both our friends." "Can we just be honest here, please?" "Kelly is your friend, Deacon is my friend." "Why can't we just say it out loud?" "Ok." "Yes, Kelly is my friend." "She is my best friend, ok?" "And you're lucky that I even agreed to go out with Deacon at all!" "Ok?" "This whole separation is all his fault." "Am I wrong?" "Tell me, huh, huh, huh?" "Look, all right, let's not have that fight again." "The last time we did, you yelled a lot and scared me." "But you did say that it was good that they agreed to go to counseling, didn't ya?" "Huh?" "You did say that, huh, huh?" "Yes, that's true." "Yeah, yeah, doesn't feel so good when the "huhs" turn against you, does it?" "All right, come on." "We're gonna be late." "So tuck or suck somethin' in there and let's go." "I'm gonna tuck." "Oh, and by the way, here's your coupon and it's expired." "Son of a "b"!" "I'm gonna try it anyway." "If they say anything, I'll pretend I didn't notice." "[Doorbell rings]" "[Clears throat]" "Hey!" "Hi, guys." "What's up, guys?" "Deac, you're here?" "Uh..." "Did you guys, like, work things out?" "No, Deacon's just here watching the kids while we go out." "Oh, well, th-that's great, too." "'Cause, I mean, together or apart, you two are both great." "Like lamb chops and mint jelly." "Actually mint jelly on its own, hmm, not so great." "I'm not sayin' which one of you is mint jelly and which one is a lamb chop." "Honey, would you suck on one of these?" "Yeah, I'm gonna do that." "So, kel, what movie do you wanna see?" "I don't know." "I kind of wanna see something mindless." "Like, uh, what's that thriller where the earth is losing its gravitational pull?" "Oh, floaters, yeah, I'll see that, right, honey?" "Uh, everything on the planet is floating up into space?" "What part of me would not wanna see that movie?" "I--I--I thought we said we were gonna see that together." "Oh, all right, you know, he--he-- he's right." "Can--can we-- can we see something else?" "I kinda really wanna see floaters, though." "Yeah, me, too." "[Sighs] Guy?" "Just see it with them." "Ok." "But I'm gonna name my popcorn Deacon." "Sweet." "All right, look." "I-I'm just gonna take the kids back to Spence's." "Put 'em to bed by 8:00." "Kel." "I know when to put my kids to bed." "Just reminding you." "You're implying I don't know how to care for my own kids." "Well, since you refused to go to counseling," "I just assumed that you really don't care about much of anything." "An earth with no gravity, huh?" "I wonder if they can get me up." "Wait a minute." "You guys are not going to counseling anymore?" "Apparently Deacon doesn't think it's the best way for us to solve our problems." "Look, the therapist is a woman whose husband cheated on her." "Yeah, Deacon wants to find a therapist who's in favor of infidelity." "I never touched Angie, all right?" "We had dinner a few times, and it's over." "And I said I made a mistake, ok?" "We don't need a therapist to tell us the exact same thing." "You guys hate to miss the previews as much as I do?" "(Doug) How beautiful was that?" "I handed the girl a strategically-folded coupon, hiding the expiration date." "She hands me a supersize popcorn." "Yeah, way to go." "You outsmarted a 13-year-old girl with an eye-patch." "Oh, my God!" "Bill, Mickey!" "Carrie, hey, how are you?" "Good, everything's good." "Um, bill and Mickey designed the whole computer systems for our office." "This is my husband Doug, and my friend Kelly." "Hi." "Nice to meet you." "So, computers..." "I hear they just boil down to a series of ones and zeros." "[Chuckles] Yeah, pretty much." "I don't know how that means I can get naked women on my screen, but God bless you people." "Should we decide who gets this armrest now, or just let it be a free-for-all once the movie starts?" "Well, you know, I got pretty sharp nails and I'm not afraid to use 'em." "It's all you." "♪[Music playing onscreen]" "...and we're gonna blow this up, see?" "This is an air mattress." "This is where you're gonna sleep." "It's like sleeping on a raft." "Why are you living here?" "It's a raft!" "All right, look." "Here's the thing." "I have to stay here for a while because mommy and I are..." "Taking a time-out." "Will you move back home tomorrow?" "Well, I, uh..." "[Sighs]" "Fish sticks are served!" "God bless you." "Yeah." "I want you to be careful 'cause this plate is piping hot." "And some cheerios for your little brother." "[Cooing]" "So, what were we talkin' about?" "I don't like it here." "And I miss mommy." "Hmm." "Uh, do you-- do you mind if I..." "Go ahead." "[Sighs]" "Kirby." "I could never replace your mommy." "And..." "I would never want to." "But I live with your daddy now." "And I think if we try really hard, we can build a relationship that's completely our own." "Hey, you could think of me as your step-Spence." "Or your guy-mom." "What have I done?" "Well, that was the worst piece of crap I've ever seen." "I know, and the ending was so lame." "There's no gravity." "So they build a roof over the entire world." "I mean, come on." "[Chuckles]" "Yeah, it, uh, sucked." "Definitely sucked." "Hey, look at that." "Bulk candy." "Finally I decide how much I want." "I'm gonna go hit the bathroom." "Oh, you know what?" "I'm gonna stop off, too." "It was very nice meeting you." "Yes, it was a pleasure to meet you, too, Kelly." "Kelly, more like smelly, am I right?" "You know what?" "I was gonna ask you, um, is she available?" "I mean, what's her situation?" "She's married." "Um, actually, she's separated." "No, she's not." "I mean" " I mean she-- she is." "But it's like..." "If your favorite plate breaks, the 2 halves are separated." "But all you really need is some crazy glue." "Yes." "But until that plate gets fixed, then you maybe need to eat on a new plate for a while." "Especially when one half of the old plate refuses to go to counseling." "You know what I'm saying, bill?" "No, he doesn't know what you're sayin'." "Because I'm sure he, like most people, has crazy glue in the house, and knows it dries pretty much instantly." "Ok, I guess what we're saying is we don't exactly know where she's at." "Ok, well, if she decides to get back out there, here's my card, and you just have her call me." "Ok." "Great." "Actually, I'll see you next week." "I gotta come in and debug your system." "All right, I'll see you then." "Ok, now." "Whatever." "[Grunts]" "You better debug your attitude first." "Ready?" "What's up?" "Nothing." "Come on, let's go." "Hon, this way." "Yeah, f.Y.I., supersize gets free refills." "I just don't see how you could do that." "I didn't do anything." "I didn't even give her the card." "You set them up." "I introduced them, ok?" "They were sitting right next to each other." "I also introduced you." "Does that mean I'm setting you up with the little one?" "Ok, first of all, the little one has a name." "I'm not sure what it is, but he has one." "And it was very clear what was goin' on there." "You're still mad at Deacon and you're tryin' to help Kelly get back at him." "Well, ok, maybe, that's true." "But why shouldn't she date?" "He had his share." "I knew it!" "Women hate men!" "Why--why do you hate us so much?" "Is it 'cause we can pee standing up?" "Oh, that makes you crazy, doesn't it?" "Who brings a bucket of popcorn home from the movies?" "I mean, who does this?" "Someone who thinks when you're allowed to get a free refill, you get your free refill." "It's called good money management." "What are you lookin' at that for?" "You're not actually thinkin' of givin' her the guy's card, are you?" "I'm thinkin' about it, yes." "Mmm-hmm." "Ok." "Can I, uh, can I see it?" "Come on." "Let me hold it, come on." "You're gonna rip it up!" "I'm not gonna rip it up." "I just wanna see his title and stuff." "I wanna see what kind of guy is interested in Kelly." "She's my friend, too, you know?" "Come on, I promise I won't rip it." "Are you gonna eat it?" "Hey, I'm a grown man." "I'm not gonna eat the guy's card." "Ok." "Here you go." "I can still rip it." "Stop!" "You cannot set Kelly up." "That would be like--like incest." "How is that like incest?" "Ok." "Obviously you don't know what incest means." "No, obviously, you don't know what incest means." "[Phone rings]" "Hello." "Hey, it's me." "Oh, hey, babe, you all right?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry if i was a downer tonight." "No, no, no, no, you were great." "I don't mean this as anything against you guys, but it kind of sucks being the 3rd wheel." "You know what, hang on one second, ok?" "Ok." "I want to tell her about the guy." "No." "Doug, she is feeling really down." "I want to give her an ego boost." "No--no." "Maybe she's just shaken over the harsh reality that earth could lose its gravitational pull." "I'll tell her." "Kel?" "Yeah." "Um, you know bill, the guy you met at the movies tonight?" "He thinks you're ugly!" "He's gay!" "He's gay!" "Stop." "Uh, when you were in the bathroom-- if you do that, I swear I will dump your whole makeup case into the trash." "I'll do it." "He actually asked if you were available." "He did?" "Bye-bye." "I'll fish that out." "Man, these pigs in blankets are incredible." "Thanks, man." "You know," "I glazed the wieners with brown sugar, with just a touch of chilly powder, to awaken people's hidden appetites." "I'm uncomfortable, but eating, anyway." "Hey, guy." "Hey." "Hey, the kids are here, what a surprise." "What's up?" "Kelly asked me to baby-sit them last minute." "Is that cool?" "What, are you kiddin'?" "Now I'll have to finish building lego city by myself." "Yeah." "Yeah, come on." "And here's my little man." "[Making baby sounds]" "[Chuckles]" "Come on." "It's weird, man, I mean," "Kelly said she was going out somewhere, but she wouldn't say with whom." "[Scoffs]" "Women." "Hey, come on, man, let's watch the knick game." "Oh, look, white guy." "They're funny." "Wait." "You know who she's with, don't you?" "Me?" "Oh, no." "No." "[Sighs]" "She--she might be out on a date." "Oh, man, I knew it!" "Who is it?" "How did she meet him?" "Actually, Carrie knows the guy." "We ran into him last week at the movies." "Floaters, not worth your time, by the way." "I can't believe it, you set my wife up on a date?" "No, no." "I tried to stop it." "Oh, man." "Come on, guy, just relax, all right?" "So she's out with some loser, what's the worst that can happen?" "He can have sex with my wife." "Ok, right." "Yeah." "Ok, but then you know what?" "You never slept with that other woman, so if Kelly sleeps with this guy, she'd be in the wrong and that gives you the upper hand." "Slap it high!" "Look." "Who-- who's the guy, man?" "Just--just some guy, your basic guy." "C-come on, I got to know." "His name is bill." "Bill." "What kind of name is that?" "Bill." "Is that short for William?" "Y-you know what he does?" "I think he designs computer systems or something lame like that." "Well, what does he look like?" "Nothing special." "You wouldn't even give him a second look, if he wasn't dating your wife." "Oh, man, where did they go?" "I got to go look at him." "That's a bad idea." "And anyway, I don't know where they are." "[Phone rings]" "Hello." "Hey, baby cakes." "Hey, sweetie." "How's the game?" "It's good, it's good." "I just, uh, wanted to call and say hi." "So, uh, tonight is Kelly's date, right?" "Yeah." "I was thinkin' about it and, uh, maybe it is a good thing." "Maybe it will help her think things through about deac." "Really, honey?" "Well..." "I'm glad you came around." "Yeah, me, too, me, too." "So where did they go, anyway?" "I think they were just going to a movie at the loyola." "Oh, great, thanks." "For what?" "What do you mean, "thanks"?" "I--I--I mean, uh..." "Thanks for bein' the best damn thing that ever happened to me." "Wait a minute." "You're with Deacon." "(Doug) Got another call." "I love you." "Oh, God." "(Bill) Then I went to St. John's to get my masters, when I got sidetracked into this computer thing." "Oh, really?" "My husband, I mean my ex..." "My, uh, separated" "Deacon." "Yeah, he went to St. John's." "God, I'm sorry." "I keep mentioning him." "I must be a real joy to be with." "It's ok." "Maybe for an encore, you can change my baby's diaper." "Can't believe they made me buy a ticket to do this." "There they are." "All right, fine." "Ok, you saw them." "Come on, time to go." "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "I feel like I got to do something." "What can you do?" "I don't know." "Just seeing that guy, you know." "He's good-looking." "He designs computers." "I'm just a delivery guy." "I'm--I'm a glorified donkey." "Hey, don't put yourself down, and me in the process." "Why don't you go there and talk to her for me?" "No--no, you can talk to her after the date." "I can't face her." "Just go in there, and tell her I want to go back to counseling." "I don't think" "Doug, please, man." "For me?" "[Sighing]" "Excuse me, I have to get back in there, thanks." "Sorry." "God, that was your foot right there." "Sorry." "Kelly." "Doug, what are you doing here?" "I just have to-- hi, bill." "Deacon dragged me down here to find you." "What?" "Yeah, he--he wants me to tell you that he--he really wants to go back to counseling." "You can tell him I'm having a great time." "And that just 'cause he's jealous, doesn't mean he can come down here and try and make everything ok." "Go tell him that." "Sorry again." "Oh, look out." "X. X. L." "She said, just 'cause you're jealous, you can't just run in there and think everything's gonna be ok." "Well, tell her that..." "Tell her I'm sorry." "Tell her I miss her." "I miss the way she puts ice in her soup and moves her lips slightly when she reads." "I miss the way she puts on my robe to go get the mail." "I--I just want to tell her I love her every night before we go to sleep again." "That's going to be way better comin' from you." "All right." "Just go." "[Sighing]" "I'm very sorry." "Believe me." "I know, I know," "I would be mad at me at this point." "Hey, you." "Get outta there!" "Go away, go away." "Shoo." "Very sorry." "Deacon wanted me to tell you" "Doug, leave them alone." "I just have one more thing to say from Deacon." "You know, I should probably just go." "Bill, just sit down and eat your peanut chews." "I can't believe you brought him down here." "He wanted to come, he's my friend, I'm sorry." "This is the last thing that Kelly needs right now." "You guys." "Let me just get this out." "He said he misses you, and he loves the way you eat soup, and the way you wear his robe when you go to get the mail." "And you--you do something weird with your lips when you read." "But in a good way." "Bottom line:" "Yeah, you know, fine, he came down here because he was jealous." "But it took that to make him realize how much he loves you." "And how he wants to tell you that every night for the rest of his life." "You know, maybe you should go." "Yeah." "This was fun." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Coming through." "Oh, oh, oh, bill, bill." "You know, I'm having this thing with my computer." "It freezes up every-- you know what?" "I'll call you." "I'll call you." "My bad, my bad." "Hi." "Hi." "Did you really mean what Doug said?" "If he got it right, then--then, yeah." "You know what?" "We're gonna go." "Yeah, come on, come on, let's go." "Sorry." "Ok, all right." "Sorry about that." "I ain't a gummy bear." "S-so you want to sit down and watch the movie?" "Ok." "And after that I--I really want to talk." "Ok." "Ok." "You know, maybe we should..." "Ok." "[Chuckling]" "Oh, for God's sake, you took another expired coupon." "Are you stupid, or can you just not read a calendar?" "Oh." "I wonder what today is?" "It's the 48th of January." "Sorry." "Here." "King-size kit Kat bars for free." "You know where I might-- might be a good place to eat that?" "In the unemployment line!" "Adios, patchy!"