"My name is Michael Westen." "I used to be a spy until..." "We got a burn notice on you." "You're blacklisted." "When you're burned, you've got nothing... no cash, no credit, no job history." "You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in." " Where am I?" " Miami." "You do whatever work comes your way." "You rely on anyone who's still talking to you." " A trigger-happy ex-girlfriend." " Should we shoot them?" "An old friend who used to inform on you to the FBI..." "You know spies, a bunch of bitchy little girls." " Family, too" " Is that your mom again?" " if you're desperate." " Someone needs your help." "Bottom line..." "as long as you're burned, you're not going anywhere." "Whether you're hunting down extremists in the mountains of Kashmir or tracking arms dealers through the streets of Moscow, the life of a spy takes a toll." "So during downtimes, you work out, eat right, and try to recharge your batteries, because you never know what's waiting for you around the corner." "Hello, Michael." "This is Bud, bail jumper." " We just got back from the Everglades." " You've a real chair in this dump?" "Poor Bud's in a bad mood." "He didn't like the music in my trunk." "Why is he here?" "We're killing time, waiting for the bail bondsman to open his office." "You know, he's been throwing me more jobs than I can manage lately, and I was thinking, as long as you're still burned..." "Trudging through swamps, for guys like Bud?" " I'm not hurting for money that bad." " Could have fooled me." "Think about it, Michael." "Your strategic know-how..." "My expertise in the field." "My brains, your brawn." "Time for you to go, Bud." "Detective Paxson." "Miami PD." "This is Detective Lopez." " You mind if we ask you questions?" " I'm in the middle of something." "I understand you're a bounty hunter." "Do you have a bail-enforcer's license?" "Actually, I'm freelancing." "Actually, you're harboring a fugitive." "Consider this a warning." "Detective, I spoke with some officers at the station recently, and I think we cleared up all the questions they had." "I've different questions." "They're about a traffic incident..." "Three cars blown up, three more totaled." "Apparently, we have a one-man wrecking crew on our hands." "How can you be so sure it's a man?" "I'm as progressive as the next gal, miss Glenanne, but someone matching Mr. Westen's description was spotted driving away from the scene." "White male, dark hair..." "Athletically built?" "I hope your department pays overtime, because you're gonna be searching for a few hundred thousand suspects." "I've got just one." "Stuff's been blowing up pretty steadily since you arrived in Miami." "Are you gonna answer my questions, or am I gonna pick my way through everything you own?" "That would be a workbench, six power tools," "Four yogurts..." "Three yogurts." "I actually had one." "Blueberry." "Well, you can tell me all about it at the station, Mr. Westen." "Get in the car." "I'm gonna enjoy this." "Welcome to your worst nightmare, Mr. Westen." "You look wretched, Michael." "Well, it's not a day spa in there, Fi." "Spent the last 24 hours in the drunk tank." "So, Detective Paxson wasn't questioning you the whole time?" "No, there was plenty of that, too." "She's gonna be some real trouble." "She already is." "She cost me my bounty." " I'll make it up to you sometime." " Well, how does now sound?" "I lined up a new gig." "I'll fill you in on the details over lunch." "Come on, Fi." "Not another bail jumper." "But one of my old bail jumpers got me the job." "It's a referral." " So, how's Stevie?" " Doing time at Raiford medium-security." "Says "Hi", by the way." "Her brother jumped bail on forgery charges." "I chased him to Boca." "Had to hit him with a brick to get him in the car." "Sweet guy." " He your partner?" " Well, you'd have to ask him that." "What can we help you with?" "This is my son, Brandon." "He's been staying with his dad, Howard." "We're separated." "Howard hasn't let me see or talk to Brandon for three days." "It sounds like you should be talking to a lawyer." "I have." "Three of them." "They all say it'll take months to get him into court." "Howard just needs someone to knock some sense into him." " I'm not sure..." " It's not a problem." " Anything else you need?" " I just want to see my son." "Everything will be fine." "Right, Michael?" "Excuse me." "Do you know my new girl?" "She rebuilt this engine by herself." "I'm telling you, just put a nice, sturdy tool in that woman's hand..." "I got it, Sam." "Find out anything?" "Yeah, I asked around about your lady detective." "Turns out you got a stalker with a badge." "She checked every self-storage place from here up to Fort Lauderdale." "She found some surveillance video of you ducking into a place down by Homestead." " Not good." " What you got there?" "Some C-4 and detonators." "She's gonna own them soon, 'cause she's working on a warrant." "There's a hearing in a few days, but you got to get your stash out before." "Are you coming, Michael?" "You know, since I'm helping you avoid felony charges," "I thought maybe there'd be a lunch in it for me." "Next time." "Geez." "I got you, baby." "Typical." "Howard spends 80 hours a week at the office, and he can't find an hour to take care of his yard." "Go ahead and take it." "Just keep your eyes on the street." "This should be pretty straightforward." "Yeah, ma?" "It's somebody's birthday today." "I thought you could come over for a nice dinner with Sam and Fiona." "We're celebrating birthdays now?" "We always did." "Don't you remember sixth grade?" "Your friend Billy Kane was there." "It was his party, mom." "It's never too late." "All right, where are we getting takeout from?" "Who said anything about takeout?" " So, you coming or not?" " I'll try." "Michael, I don't want to hear how you'll try." "I want you to promise." "Fine." "I promise I'll try." "You can stop now." "You can stop now!" " We just want to see your son." " You don't understand." "I'm sure whatever the issue is, you can work it out with your ex." "That's not what I mean." "He was kidnapped." "Of course he was." "Brandon didn't come home from school on Thursday." "I got a call." " I don't know the guy's name." " Is he asking for money?" "No, I work at a diamond wholesaler." "He wanted information about an upcoming shipment." "Said not to contact the police, or I'd never... see Brandon again." " He's calling today with instructions." " How could you not tell me?" "I didn't want you calling the police." "I was trying to protect Brandon." "That was not your decision to make!" "He's my son, too!" "Look." "He just wants diamonds." "I'm going to give them to him." "Howard, it's not that simple." "If this guy really wants to disappear, he has no incentive to return your son." "Brandon's old enough to identify him." "What..." "What are you saying?" "You know what he's saying, Howard." "They're not gonna bring Brandon back!" "We should call the police." "No!" "No cops!" "He said he would kill him." "Enough." "Michael and I will take care of him" "without involving the cops." "But you can't be at each other's throats, okay?" "When the kidnapper calls again, you're going to say you're not doing anything until you get proof that your son is alive and unhurt, and you're gonna ask for a meeting." " You think he'll come?" " If he wants his diamonds, he will." "And if we're lucky, we'll follow him back to where Brandon is." " Well, won't that be dangerous?" " It doesn't matter." "I'll do it." "Whatever it takes to get Brandon back." "I told Howard not to take that stupid job." "Sales manager." "We were doing just fine as reps." " You work together?" " We did." "It was great till he took that promotion." "Long hours, travels..." "And now this." "Well, I'm sure this was not part of the plan when he took the job." "Well, he should have known the risk." "Patricia, I want you to try something." "It's a... a relaxation exercise I do in situations like this." "I want you to close your eyes... and breathe deep." "Picture a peaceful mountain stream." "Can you do that?" "Now picture yourself... drowning the kidnapper in the stream." "You're taking a rock from the stream and raising it above your head  and with tremendous force, you're bringing..." "We got something." "He's passed by twice." "Smart criminals have a variety of ways to find out if a meeting is under police surveillance." "Some are more subtle than others." " Howard, right?" " Yeah." "I'm Santora." "Nice to meet you." "Throw a few punches... and any cops in the area have to come running." "God!" "Do something!" "He's testing us." "But he's gonna kill him!" "He's..." "If you want your son back, you'll stay in the car." "You got any friends around here I should know about?" "You tell anyone about our little arrangement?" "Look at me, Howard." "Behavior in a combat situation is unpredictable." "Sometimes trained soldiers go screaming for the hills." "Sometimes guys who have never fired anything bigger than a cap gun turn out to have ice in their veins." "Nobody knows." "Let me see my son." "Today's headline." "The kid's fine." "Now, let's be clear." "You're not calling the shots here." "You're not gonna make any more demands, and you're not gonna try anything cute." "If anyone touches me, if I'm a minute late checking in with my guys, you never see the kid again." "Got it?" "Good." "That's just so you don't forget." "Now..." "Let's talk about my diamonds." "In the field, it's often your human instincts that jeopardize an operation." "Helping people is great, but there are times that impulse can get people killed." "Sometimes the right thing to do is let a guy bleed for a while." "Stay here." "He kept hitting me." " I didn't know what to do." " You did everything right." "He said he wants the stones in 24 hours, or Brandon dies." "That's not gonna happen." "How'd we do?" "Not so great." "Santora didn't go near the kid." "He's hanging out at a bar, sipping mojitos." "Mike, this guy's not afraid to be seen." "I thought you could follow him to where Brandon is." "I thought..." "He's smart." "He's keeping the job compartmentalized." "Howard's at the hospital getting stitches." " That was all for nothing?" " Not nothing." "We'll know when he moves." "I got a buddy keeping an eye on him." "Why can't you just grab him and waterboard him or something, make him tell us where Brandon is?" "You torture somebody, they'll tell you anything to make it stop." "No, there are better ways to get reliable information." "Sam, how do you feel about a little reverse interrogation?" "Never been a big fan." " What's reverse interrogation?" " We used to do it during the Cold War." "You send one of your guys to be interrogated to learn what they're worried about." "You play your cards right, the questions will tell you all about them." " You play your cards wrong..." " Have a little faith, Sam." "How long do you think it'll take?" "Car, building..." " Some cop lights..." "A couple hours." " All right, call me when it's done." "We're gonna find your son." "This is a valuable lesson for you." " C-4 is meant to be used, not stored." " I'll keep that in mind." "I'm serious." "All those times you told me to make the explosions smaller, I shouldn't have listened to you." "Paxson wouldn't have anything to hang you with." "When you're concerned you might be walking into a police stakeout, there are a number of things to look out for." "Parked cars or vans," "Hold on, Fi." "Workers that seem unusually preoccupied... and curious kids." "No matter where you go in the world, little boys like candy, puppies, and cops." "I think our detective friend had a surprise planned." "Mr. Westen." "Detective Paxson and Detective Forget-your-name." "I was thinking about renting one of these storage units." " You mind if I look at yours?" " Storage unit?" "Or you could give us the fake name you used when you rented it." "Or go ahead and clear it out." "Don't let us stop you." "I think there's been a misunderstanding." "I heard you were in the neighborhood." "I came by to see you." "I wanted to give you some receipts, give you a better idea of what I've been doing, where I've been going." "That one's for breakfast." "Fi had a spanish omelet." "Egg whites only." "Thank you." "If you get the urge to destroy any evidence, stop by." "We'll be waiting for you." "Was that flirting, or does she hate you?" "I am not her type." "Mike, you ready to do this?" "I'm all set." "Seriously, though, I think this is a little risky." "I'm on my way." "When it comes to cover Ids, impersonating a bad cop is much better than impersonating a good one." "An honest cop follows policies and procedures, from the way he cuts his hair to the approach he takes when carrying out a traffic stop." "Pose as a good cop, and you have to go by the book." "Pose as a bad cop, and you can throw out that book and write your own." "Hi, there." "Detective Finley." "Nice seats." "What is that, pearl leather?" "Let me call my lawyer." "He can tell you all about them." "All right, just relax." "I'm here unofficially." "Just think of this as..." "a business meeting." "You want to do a business meeting?" "How about you make an appointment?" "When's a good time to talk about someone who's moving in on one of your scores?" "Just worked a drug bust." "Heard something that might interest you." "In the criminal world, selling yourself as a colleague often means doing something illegal." "So while snorting lactose isn't pleasant... it may put people's minds at ease." "Got this on the bust, too." "90% pure." "Puts hair on your chest, I'll tell you that." "What's this you heard about a score?" "Yeah, it was a coke buy down in overtown." "Busted a guy I know, a junkie named Shep." "He's trying to get me to lay off him 'cause he says he knows something about a plan to... rip you off." "Some junkie told you this?" "He's a snitch." "Hey, the guy's a mess, but his intel's usually good." "So, why'd you bust him?" "Well, I take him in every so often just to keep him in line." "So, listen," "I'm taking him to the station." "For a couple of grand... you can question him first." "Interested?" "He said something about a kid, if that means anything." "A kid?" "Yeah, he didn't say much more than that." "Man, I cannot get over this leather." "It's hand-tooled, right?" "Where is this guy?" "So, what you're saying is," "Michael's missing his own birthday party?" "He's busy." "Busy?" "Busy being shot at or busy get blown up?" "Does he ever take a day off?" "Damn it!" "I mean, you know, a little consideration is all I'm asking." "I'm making an effort." "So should he." "Well, he seems to be making progress." "Don't fool yourself, honey." "Loving Michael is always trench warfare." "You tell him to come to the party." "Busted a few raves here." "Don't worry." "No one comes around now." "Place is condemned." "It's where I do my freelance work." "So, the snitch is in there." "You got my money?" " Here you go." "I'll take it from here." " Oh, oh, no, my friend." "That's not how it works." "We question this guy together." "No offense, but I don't like people knowing my business." "Yeah, no offense, but I don't care." "Your business doesn't concern me." "What concerns me is nobody touches my prisoner but me." "I got my own way of asking questions." "Yeah, and I got to explain every scratch when I take him down to the station." "If you want to come down there with me, fine." "Otherwise, we do this my way." "And what about later?" "This guy Shep gets to mouth off?" "Don't worry about that." "I got enough on him to send him to prison on the moon." "He'll keep his mouth shut." "So, nobody knows you got this guy here, huh?" "Don't get any ideas." "As far as my supervisor's concerned, I'm working on a case." "Officially, I'm in the middle of interviewing you, so if anything happens to me, he knows who to come looking for." "Let's do this." "So, I don't know you... but I hear you know me... and my business." "Interrogation professionals don't ask questions directly." "They hide what they know and don't know." "You're a real prince, Finley, a real stand-up guy." "After all I've done for you, this is what I get?" "Nothing personal." "Just business." "Amateurs tend to ask for exactly what they want." "Who told you about the kid?" "It's like playing poker with your cards showing." "I think your buddy here wants to kiss me, Finley." "Hey, I'm not that type." "Answer the question." " Who told you?" " A friend of a friend." "I didn't get his name." "They didn't give me details." "I didn't ask for them." "All right, tell me about this job." "They needed help moving a..." "a kid." "They wanted a place that they could stash him for a few days off the street." "I found it." "Can I go now?" "You can go when I find out what the hell is going on." "The guy who hired you, he say when they were planning this?" "Come on, you think they're gonna tell me when?" "Yeah, right after they told me their vacation plans and their social security numbers." "I don't know." "You got a smart mouth." "Maybe you should start using it to save your ass." "They told me... to find a place... where they could stash the kid... for a few days." " Do you want me to say that slower?" " Where'd you meet them?" "Right." "Do you think I'm stupid?" "I tell you that, and you're gonna go tell them and I'm gonna get killed." "You worry about that later." "You got more immediate problems." "All right, all right." "All right." "It was a restaurant..." "A diner, I think." "When people are desperate for information, they start filling in the blanks, often without realizing it." "It's something fortune-tellers rely on." "It works pretty much the same way for spies." "Think harder." "Although fortune-tellers usually don't get smacked around as much." "It was a diner." "It had burgers and fries." "The Seaside Diner?" " Was that it?" "Off the causeway?" " Yes." "Thank you." "I met the guy at the Seaside Diner." "What'd this guy look like?" "Well, I don't know." "He was a guy." "Was a white guy, maybe." "White?" "I'm just gonna go out in Miami and look for a white guy?" "You're gonna have to do better than that." "No!" "All right, all right, all right!" "It was..." "The waitress knew him." "She called him "Flowers"." "They knew him there." "And that's it." "That's..." "That's all I know." "Get over to the Seaside Diner now." "Ask around for a guy named Flowers." "Surprising how much a guy remembers when you help him out a little." "Listen, this is taking longer than I thought." "I got to make a call." "You two play nice." "Fi, get over to the Seaside Diner." "It's off MacArthur causeway." "Santora is sending a guy." "You might be able to tail him back to Brandon." "Just stay out of sight, all right?" "Stay out of sight?" "You're seriously telling me that?" "It's nothing personal." "Things are just getting a little tense around here." "So, you and your friends thought that you could rip me off?" "That right?" "What was the plan with the kid?" "I told you everything." "I was supposed to get..." "What was the plan?" "I was paid a lousy 150 bucks for this job." "You think I don't want to tell you?" "Put the knife away!" "You've got a sharp knife!" " Get that knife out of my face!" " Fi, just go, now." "Fine." "You want to..." "You want to know the plan?" " Yeah, I do." " All right." "Well, you're never gonna know the plan with a knife, because cutting me up ain't gonna turn me into a mind reader!" "There, friend." "My prisoner, my rules, remember?" "Now, you want me to lean on him, all you have to do is ask." "We clear?" "Now, put it away." "We may have a lead on Brandon's location." "You're going to get him now?" " If things go according to plan." " I'll come with you." "I can help." "Well, that's sweet and very brave, but you are gonna get yourself shot." "If that's what it takes to get our son back, I don't care." "Brandon is gonna need you alive." "Getting shot sounds noble until it actually happens to you." "Don't volunteer for it unless it's absolutely necessary." "Brandon's gonna be fine." "I know it." "You wanna do something for your son?" "Don't forget this moment." "And don't ever work together." "Not all couples can handle it." "Okay, this Flowers..." "He show you where the kid is?" "No, they drove me through the neighborhood..." "The route they were gonna take." "I don't remember..." "I've had enough of you-don't-remember." " No more warnings." " I've answered all your questions." "I want you to tell me who is trying to rip me off!" "And I want a house on Star Island, filled with strippers and bikinis, but wishing just doesn't make it so, man!" "It's time to focus." "Listen, I assume there isn't a sign on the place that says "the kid's here", so how would he know if he saw it?" "Come on, you got guys with the kid?" "Maybe Shep saw them." " Yeah, I got two guys." " Could be." "I saw guys, but I didn't talk to them." "I don't know their names." " Did you see the kid?" " No." "Okay, Santora, so calm down." "He didn't see the kid." " Maybe it's not the same place." " He didn't see him because the kid is in a shed behind the house!" "Now shut up and let me think!" "Searching for a concealed enemy who could be anywhere is a waste of time." "Yeah, it's Jimmy." "Nobody's heard of "Flowers" at the diner." "Usually, your best bet is to stay put, and give your enemy a reason to come to you." "What's going on?" "Is there something I should know about?" "Don't worry about it." "Just get back to the house and watch the kid." "To tail someone, you need both skill and instinct." "You need skill because the driving is tough." "You can't get too close, and you can't drift too far away." "You can't go too fast or too slow." "You need instinct because every turn, every lane change, every bridge raises the risk of being seen." "Anyone can be trained to follow a car." "But it takes good instincts to know when it's time to stop following." "So, I had one of my guys ask around." "No one at that restaurant ever heard of anyone named Flowers." "Why is that my fault?" "Maybe he went to the wrong place." "He went to the diner, you lying son of a bitch." "Why would I lie to you?" "That's it." "I'm shutting this thing down before it gets any worse." "When you work with someone long enough, you learn to trust them." "When things go bad, that trust is the difference between life and death." "Of course, knowing that doesn't make it less terrifying to back a play you know nothing about." "Listen." "I know this guy, Shep." "He's a pain in the ass, but his information is good." "Yeah?" "Because he told me some story about a guy who doesn't exist?" "Maybe the guy does exist." "He could be one of your own guys." "So, one more time... this Flowers guy." "What did he look like?" "He has slicked-back hair." "Feels a muscle guy." "He wears those muscle shirts, to show off his arms." "That's the best I can do." "That's all I got." "That's Flowers?" "You're sure?" "That's the guy who told me about the kid." "What is wrong with you?" "That's my guy." "Like you said, my own guy is trying to steal from me." "What guy?" "His name's Jimmy." "The guy I sent to the diner to look for Flowers..." "It turns out the son of a bitch is Flowers." "He's supposed to be watching the kid." " Instead, he's planning to rip me off." " Things are little hot right now" "You know, you can call it off." "Let the kid go." "Hell, just give him to me." "I'll tell his parents I found him." "It's too late for that." "He saw my face." "It's over." "I got to clean this whole mess up." "What are you gonna do?" "Listen, you've been a stand-up guy." "I appreciate that." "And I don't wanna cause you problems." "But that guy in there, Shep..." "He's got to die." "Now." "Every profession has occupational hazards." "Butchers cut themselves, house painters fall off ladders, and operatives get asked to help kill their own people." "You watch it, friend." " I got unis checking on my interview." " Back off." "This is my snitch." "I got to be able to explain what goes on." "My own guys are turning on me." "If he's part of it, he's got to go." " They all do." " I see." "I'm just supposed to sit back and hope none of this blows back on me?" "No way." " That's not how this goes down." " You got any ideas?" "I'm listening." "Yeah, I say that..." "Dropped him off by the road." "I let him out 'cause he was sick from the dope." "I'll just tell them that he attacked me and he tried to escape." "Wait, you?" "Yeah." "Don't you remember?" "He's my prisoner." "How am I gonna explain a suspect full of these random bullet holes?" "We'll have the damn FBI here." "It's better this way." "Put a few rounds in his chest with my gun, but you do it out by the road." " You understand?" " Your gun?" "What the hell are you talking about?" "I got to be able to sell this story to my department." "If I don't, they're coming after me." "Trust me, it's better this way." "Come on, come on." "All right." "I'll go get Shep." "Get your guy on the phone." "Tell him to sit tight." "I don't want this situation any worse than it already is." "You all right, Mike?" "You still pack a pretty good punch." "The good news is" "Santora's planning on going back to the kid." "Fi followed their guy." "They're holed up on an island off the causeway." "And the bad news?" "Santora wants to kill you first." "I convinced him to do it with my gun, up on the side of the road, make it look like you were trying to get away." " How far is the road?" " A couple hundred yards." " I guess it'll have to do." " If there was any other way..." "There isn't." "All right, when you get free, take his car and head to the causeway." "I'll get you the address." "Good luck, Mikey." "Let's take a walk." "Listen, listen, you don't want to do this." "This I could tell you more." "I could tell you about Flowers and the plan." " You don't want to do this." " I know plenty already." "I mean, why shut this down?" "There's money to be made here, man." "I could help you." "We could split it 50/50." "I don't want to die, man!" "Please." "Please, I'm begging you!" "He got away." "What the hell are you talking about?" " Where's my gun?" " He took it!" "He's got my gun?" "We got to find him!" "Now!" " Could he go to meet up with Jimmy?" " I don't know." "Maybe." " You told him to stay put with the kid?" " Yeah." "Where's the house?" "We don't have time for this!" "Where's the house?" " Hibiscus Island." " What address?" "I got to know!" "They got my gun!" "Look, if I go down for this, so do you!" "1313, Prospect Street." "What are you doing?" "They've security office on the island." "I'll ask if they've seen him." "This is Officer Finley, Miami PD." "I'd like to know if you've seen anyone go to 1313 Prospect Street." "There's someone going there right now." "I got the address." "People underestimate the tactical importance of TV in urban warfare." "Guard duty's boring, and a ballgame passes the time better than, say, looking for intruders." "More battles have been decided by pennant races than people imagine." "We're gonna take you back to your mom and dad, okay?" "The junkie's here." "We do him and Jimmy first, then the kid." "You cut through the backyard, I'll cover you from the front?" "Have fun in there, you son of a bitch." "Look who's here." " You thought you could steal from me?" " What do you say?" "Where's the kid?" "I said where's the kid?" " I don't know!" "He was just there!" " I know what you did." "I know you're Flowers." "I know everything." "What are you talking about?" "Get that thing out of my face!" "Put it down now!" "You picked the wrong guy to double-cross!" "You sold me out to a junkie!" "It's always best to have business arguments unarmed." "When tempers are high and everyone's got a gun, you never know what's going to set someone off." " I don't know what to say." " You don't have to say anything." "Think about leaving Miami." "Imagine if his friends come looking." "We weren't planning to be." "We've talked about making a fresh start." "Somewhere else, together." "Thank you... for everything." "You ready?" "A fresh start... together." " Kind of inspiring, don't you think?" " I'd settle for staying out of jail." "Come on, we got a date... with the storage unit." "When a front door is being watched, your best option oftentimes is just to make a back door." "If you don't mind getting damp, a water saw is a great tool for the job" "It will cut through the wall much more quietly than a metal saw and won't ignite anything flammable that happens to be lying around." "Detective, would you like to come in?" "I have some more receipts." "I finally did get a look at that storage unit that didn't belong to you." "Find anything interesting?" "I found a hole in the back of the wall and a puddle of water inside." "The heavy rains the other night must have done some funny things." "This isn't over." " Did you make this?" " You like it?" "I wanted this to be special, so I cooked." "It's good." " Happy birthday, Mike." " Beer." "A five-pack." " Thanks." " It's imported." "It's supposed to be brewed by some monks in Belgium." "It's really good, or so I heard." " Would you like some?" " Yeah, thanks." "It's kind of pricy, but I figured only the best for you." " Would you like a bottle opener?" " No, I got one." "Thanks." " I never leave home without it." " Sam, you need a bottle opener." "Why don't I show you where it is?" " It's a bayonet." " Used during war for close fighting." " Thanks?" " Well, someone once told me that caring for you is like trench warfare." "So I thought you should arm yourself."