"2x05" " Kung Shoes" "♪ Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom!" "♪" "♪ Raised in a noodle shop ♪" "♪ never seeking glory or fame ♪" "♪ he climbed the mountain top ♪" "♪ and earned the Dragon Warrior name. ♪" "♪ Hu!" "Ah!" "Ya!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda!" "♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom ♪" "♪ and master the skills of bodacious and awesome ♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda. ♪" "♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doom-doom-doom-doom!" "♪" "♪ He lives, he trains ♪" "♪ and he fights with the Furious Five ♪" "♪ protect the valley somethin' somethin' ♪" "♪ somethin' somethin' alive ♪" "♪ Oh!" "Ah!" "Uh!" "♪" "♪ Kung Fu Panda ♪" "♪ Legends of awesomeness. ♪" "Sweet!" "[flute music]" "[panting, grunting] [grunting, exerting]" "Whoo!" "[panting, grunting] [sighs] [panting]" "Oh... ohh!" "Uhh..." "Uh..." "Uh..." "Ohh!" "Well... good workout." " That was the warm-up." " Warm..." "Hodat, hud dut dut dut dut." "Hwado, hoich..." "Whoo-yah!" "Ow, oh!" "Jah!" "Hyah. [thud, thud] Ow!" "Oh!" "Yah!" "Ooh!" "[slaps] Ow, ow, ow, ow." "Oh, oh, okay." "Ya!" "Ah!" "Oh, ah." "Hyai-Yah!" "[slam]" "Mantis!" "Ah, oh." "[panting] [thud]" "Master Shifu, how much longer do I..." "have to train?" "We're done for today." "No, no." "I mean, how much longer?" "Like, six months, a year..." "If you don't train, you will never reach the next level." "There's a level higher than the Dragon Warrior?" "Yes." "The Celestial Phoenix." "Ooh!" "It is said that the Celestial Phoenix would be so attuned to the universe that they could defeat an opponent merely by looking at them." "Awesome!" "So, how do I get to be the Celestial Phoenix?" " How!" " By training." "You must train until you can pass the test of the three needles." "You toss three needles into the air, then kick them with such precision..." "Yes?" "That one needles passes through the eye of another..." "No!" "And strikes the third needle so precisely on its point that it splits down the middle." "Whoa." "I'm gonna be able to do that someday?" "Of course not." "It's impossible." "There's never been a Celestial Phoenix, and there never will be." "That's the point." "No one can ever achieve this ultimate goal." "Which means your training never ends." " Never?" " Never." "Uh, but just to be clear, if I passed that three needles test," "I wouldn't have to train anymore, right?" "Yes." "In theory." "But trust me, it's impossible." "All right, you watch the needles and tell me if I come close, okay?" "[snickers] Okay." "[whoosh] [ting, ting, ting]" "I don't see where..." "Yow-Oh!" "[thud]" "Good first try, though." "[laughs] [whoosh] [thunk] Ah!" "My head!" "[whoosh] [ting, ting, ting]" "Ow-Oh, ow." "[whoosh] [ting, ting, ting]" "Ah-Oh, oh, oh!" "[whoosh] [ting]" "Unh!" "Eeh!" "Ow." "Hoo." "Oww." "Ooh." "Ow." "Oh." "Ow-Ow-Ow-Ow." "[sighs] Maybe it really is impossible." "Yeah, you'd need some magic for that." "[plink]" "Magician, that's it!" "I'll go to the Moshu market where they sell all the magic stuff." "Oh, yeah, that's a good..." " Are you crazy!" " What?" "They sell black magic stuff, man!" "It's way too dangerous." "Yes." "It is much too dangerous, and that is why I'm totally not going to go there, at all." " Um..." " I know what it is you seek." " Ha!" " Aah!" "And I will tell you, for 5 yuan." "Why would I pay you to tell me something I already know?" "Beats me, but people keep falling for it." "I'm looking for..." "Something to enhance your Kung Fu abilities." " Yeah!" " 5 yuan." "[coins clinking]" "I have just the thing here." "But be warned, it will be dangerous." "Magic gives much, but it also takes much away." "For instance, I'm 22." " Magic shoes!" " Ooh!" "These will increase your Kung Fu skills a thousand-fold." "That's a lot of... fold." " 100 yuan." " And that's a lot of money." " Fine." " Okay, okay." "But, a word of warning." "You must never wear the shoes for more than two hours at a time, or... they will come to life." "Legend has it that the shoes once belonged to the gilded emperor himself." "The emperor loved his people and sought to protect them from all that would do them harm." "The shoes gave him extraordinary Kung Fu skills." "[whoosh, vwoo, shimmer] [zip] [boom]" "Toooo-ahhhh!" "[crack] [boom] [thunder]" "No one could defeat him." "Yah!" "Uhh!" "His subjects were safe." "But the emperor ignored the warnings, and wore the shoes for too long." "Soon, the shoes began to control him in their unquenchable thirst for destruction." "He tried to remove the shoes, but only the strongest will can overcome their control." "As the shoes' power grew, they forced the emperor to do more and more Kung Fu." "He destroyed his own kingdom and those he loved most." "[crackle, vwoo]" "In the end..." "there was nothing left." "Wait... what..." "where'd he..." "Oh." "Nobody ever stays for the warning." "Hello?" "Anybody here?" "[laughs] Okay." "Time to try these babies out." "Unh." "Uh." "There." "I don't feel any different." "Hm." "Heh-ha-ha." "No." "Maybe this." "Hunh." "How about..." "Hunh, huh, hoo." "Hut, ha, hoo." "Or... hut hwaa!" "Oh, man, I totally got ripped off." "Ah... owoo-ah!" "Ah ahh!" "[whipping] [rattling]" "Huh!" "[whoosh]" "Hee-Yai!" "Ooh, unh, eeh!" "[splintering] [whoosh]" "Hyaa!" "They work!" "Hello, Celestial Phoenix." "Good-Bye training." "[whoosh] [clang, clang, clang]" "[ting] I did it." "These shoes are awesome!" "Hm, little tight, though." "Better wear them overnight to break 'em in." "[snoring, muttering]" "[yawns]" "Morning, everybody." "Well, panda, I'm glad you were able to drag yourself out of bed to join us for today's training." "Actually, instead of training I thought" "I'd give that three needles thing a try now." "The test of the three needles is a metaphor." " Perhaps you didn't quite..." " Come on." "Just for grins." " All right." "But first..." " Here goes!" "[whoosh] [clang, clang, clang] [ting] [all gasp] [clatter]" " Did you..." " Wanna see it again?" "[whoosh] [clang, clang, clang] [ting, clatter] [clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang] [clatter, clatter, clatter, clatter, clatter]" "Well, there you go." "So, I'm the Celestial Phoenix now, right?" "Which means I'm done with training?" " Did you just..." " All righty." "The Celestial Phoenix has a date with some plum dumplings." "[yawn] And a nap." "Oh." "So, Po, why am I making my famous special occasion plum dumplings?" "Did you finally fit into your skinny pants, huh?" "Nope." "I'm the Celestial Phoenix." "Ah, that's..." "I don't know what that is." "[vwoo] Ah!" "Oh, ohh!" "Waah!" "Hai, hai, oh." "[warbling] [clang, clang, clang]" "Uh." "Yuh!" "[whoosh]" "Wahaa!" "[boom] [all yelling]" "Po, stop it!" "[crash] [all groaning]" " [vwoo] Chah!" " Ah!" "[sizzle] Whoa." "What was in that bowl?" "It's just water, Po." "It's not even hot." "Wow, these are some sensitive shoes." "Oh, wai... wai... wait, what about my shop?" "Uh, looks... nice." "Lived in. [chuckles]" "Bye." "[yawns] What's going on?" "Hello!" "We're getting ready for Master Chao." "Master Chao is coming?" "Po, you passed the test of the three needles." "You've become the Celestial Phoenix." "This may be the biggest event in the history of Kung Fu." "Yeah." "Way to go, buddy." "I've had my doubts about you in the past, Po, but you've really proven yourself." "Yeah, I, uh..." "[yawns]" "I guess I have." "I guess I have." "I'm proud of you, panda." "Very proud." "[laughs]" "I, uh..." "Whoa!" "Cool!" "Let's hear it for Po." "[all cheering]" "Ah!" "Hunh!" "Yeah!" "[all applauding, cheering]" " Man, today has been so awesome." " Uh-huh." "Everybody's all telling me how great I am." " Master Chao's coming to see me." " You mean, he's coming to see your shoes." " Huh?" " I mention the Moshu market, then suddenly you've got these amazing Kung Fu skills." "Ooh!" "And, new shoes." "Okay, it doesn't take an Abacus to do the math on that one." "[whistling, laughs]" "Come on, that's ridiculous." "[yawns]" "I don't know how you could suggest such a..." " Please don't tell Shifu!" " Why not?" "He's so proud of me." "And he'd be so disappointed, and he'd make me start training again." "I can't believe you'd lie to Shifu just to get out of training." "I'm not lying." "I'm just not telling the truth." "Uh-Huh." "Shifu has to know about these shoes, Po." "Mm." "[bang] Ah, what the... [vwoo] Ah!" "Yah!" "[crash] [thud] Crazy feet. [chuckles]" "Aw, I'll take the shoes back, Mantis." "Just, please, don't rat me out." "We're buddies, right?" "[sighs] Fine." "I won't tell Shifu." "But until I see those shoes off your feet and you come clean, I'm not sure we are buddies!" "Hello?" "Old warty pig lady?" "Anybody?" "The market!" "It's... it's deserted." "Oh." "Well, I guess if I just..." "leave them and go, I... [snarling]" "Aah!" "[panting]" "Po!" "[boing, boing]" "Look, I know you're mad, but you gotta help me." " You're still wearing the shoes." " That's what I'm trying to tell you." "I can't..." "Master Chao!" "Ah, I've been waiting for you." "Come in." "When I got the news, I could hardly believe it." "Come, you must show me." "[boing]" "Yeah, you know, now's not really the best time." "Please!" "I've been waiting my whole life for this." "I must see you perform the three needles." "[ka-ting] [clang, clang, clang] [ting, ting]" " Incredible." " Thanks." "I really gotta talk to Mantis about some..." "Whoa!" "[ka-ting] Ah!" "[clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang] [ting, ting] [ding]" "It can't be." "Hunh." "[clang, clang, clang, clang] [rapid strikes] [bang]" "Hunh, rah!" "Unh." "[ricochets] [ting, ting, ting, ting] [whoosh] [all gasp] [gasps]" "Stunning." "Simply stunning." "You truly are the Celestial Phoenix." "Ah, yeah, well." "[chuckles]" "I guess you should start saying your good-byes." " I... what?" " As the Celestial Phoenix, you have attained a greater understanding of Kung Fu than any who have gone before you." "And, of course, now you must travel the land, teaching this higher form of Kung Fu, spreading all that you have learned." "Uh, I don't know if I've really learned..." "You were my greatest pupil, panda." "But now the pupil has become the master." "Perhaps one day, I can learn from you." "I-I-ah, it's the shoes!" " What?" " These are magic shoes." "I was sick of training, and I thought if I could just do the three needles that'd fix everything." "So I got these shoes, but I was wrong, and I'm sorry, and... and... [all giggling]" "And..." "and why are you all... [laughs]" "Smiling?" "You knew all along." "Did you all know?" " Yup." "Pretty much." " Shifu told us." " Also, your shoes kept glowing." " Uh, sorry, Po." "I had to keep pretending I was the only one who knew so you wouldn't suspect anything." "Why?" "Why did you go through all of this?" " To get you to understand." " Understand what?" "Oh." "That fancy Kung Fu isn't worth anything if I don't work for it." "If I don't really learn it, it isn't really part of me." " And the only way to learn it..." " Is to train." "Exactly." "Now, why don't you take off those shoes." " Because..." "I can't." " Don't be ridiculous." "You just... [screech] [bam, bang] oh!" "I'm sorry." "It wasn't me, I swear." "It was the shoes!" "They're alive!" "[screech]" "Ah, ahh." " Stay back!" " We'll get the shoes off you, Po." "Don't!" "[smack, bam] Ooh, ah." "Sorry." "[bam, bam, bam, pow]" "Ooh!" "Hwa!" "[whoosh, bang] [bam, pow] [both grunting]" " Aw!" " Oh!" "Panda, remain calm." "If I approach slowly, the shoes may not see me... [whoosh, slam] [vwoo]" "I think they heard you." "[screech, whoosh] [crash]" "I'm sorry, everyone." "I'm sorry." " Hold still, Po." " Huh?" "I'd like to do this without hurting you." "Ha." "I'd like that too." "[grunts]" "[bam, bam] Ooh!" "[bzzz] Ah!" "Ow!" "[thud]" "Po, please!" "[groans]" "No!" "I... won't... hurt..." "Shifu!" "Ah!" "[vwoo] [whoosh] [scraping]" "I won't!" "Hunh." "[boom, bzzz] [grunts]" "Gah!" "[panting] [thunk thunk] [screeching]" "You may be shoes, but you ain't got no sole!" "I mean the shoe kind of sole, not..." "not the other..." "We get it!" "[screeching]" "Aah!" "Aah-Ohh!" "[panting]" "I did it!" "Ah, uh." "[pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop]" "Oh, heck, no!" "[whoosh]" "Uh-Oh." "Po, run!" "No, I gotta stop them." "Now!" "Hah!" "[crash]" "There's gotta be something that'll... wait." "Water!" "Wah!" "[whoosh]" "Po!" "Po, are you all right?" "Yeah." "Just..." "worn out." "I'm glad to hear it." " Because it's time for training." " Aw!" " Thank you for your help." " Not at all." "It was exciting to see someone perform the three needles, even if it was just the power of those horrible shoes." "So, causing trouble again, huh?" "Don't bother to deny it." "I think we better get out of this town." "Honestly, I can't take you anywhere."