" Megan is running late." " Okay." "Hey, did you guys read that thing in "the Newyorker" last month about golf is an analogy for marriage?" "I did." "I did read that." "Did you read that in "McSweeney's?"" "It was comparing cd tracks and album tracks." "Did you read that?" "Yeah." "Did you read that thing in "mother Jones" about eco chairs and eco waste?" "I did..." "I did." "Did you read that thing in" ""spin" about all the festivals?" "Did you read that thing in "paste?"" "It was about the national." "Oh, I saw that." "Did you see that thing in "dwell" about all the mid-century houses." "Yeah... did you read" ""the New York times?"" "Yes." ""The New York observer?"" "Yes." ""Washington post?"" "Yes." ""Wall street journal"" "of course, I read it." "Did you read that steam punk article in "one way?"" "I did not like the end of it." "Did you read that sky writing over the Williamette river?" "Yes... did you read that fortune cookie?" "Yes!" "From last night?" "Yes!" "Did you read it?" "Yes!" "There were two." "Yes... did you read that thing that guy wrote in the sand on the beach?" "Yeah." "Did you read the "Portland Mercury?"" "Did you read the?" "Yeah." "Did you read the "Seattle stranger?"" "Beginning to end." "Did you read the "s up weekly?"" "I loved it!" ""The Harper lampoon."" "Well written." "Did you read "mad magazine?"" "I did not like the end of it." "Did you read "Cathy?"" "That was cute." "Did you read "family circus?"" "Sure." "Did you read" ""Calvin and Hobbes?"" "Sure." "Did you read" ""the Boston globe?"" "Did you read" ""the Washington blade?"" "We read it together." "Did you read..." "Did you read..." "Did you read?" "Of course, I did." "I read it to a friend of mine." "Did you read the closing credits of that movie?" "Yeah... did you read... did you read it?" "Do you read "the Bible?"" "Did you read it?" "Finger writing on the window?" "Hi, Maggie." "Hey, Maggie!" "Did you guys, uh, read the new "Portland monthly?"" "It's crazy." "Hey... says "don't walk."" "Can't you read?" "Hello, mayor's office." "Yes." "Do you have an e.T.A.?" "Why not?" "All right, bye-bye." "Where are you gonna get your book signed?" "Oh, I'm just gonna do the first blank open page." "Oh, I do the title page, usually." "Oh, really?" "Yeah." "Mayor's office." "You just find out." "Find it out." "Well..." "Ma'am, hi... how long, how long do you think it'll be?" "Just wanna get this signed, that's all." "Well, he has the senior citizens in there, you know, and they talk kinda slow." "Ma'am, all we want is just a quick signature, a quick hello and then we're outta there." "Yes, but... where'd she go?" "I don't know." "Is someone chasing her or something?" "Well-well-well-well..." "Ma'am, all we want is just a quick signature and then we're outta here," "I promise." "Well, I'm gonna tell ya the truth, the mayor happens to have a draining cyst on his check and it's really kind of ugly and he doesn't wanna be seen that way." "You know what?" "I don't care about a draining cyst." "Everyone has stuff like that." "He's a vain man." "Okay, I feel like if he knew we were here he would just run out and say, "hey, Fred." ""Hey, Carrie."" "Yes?" "By the wharf." "The wharf?" "Nothing." "Well *** It." "Got some..." "l-lot of drama going on, huh?" "There's a lot going on." "There's a lot-lot-lot going on." "You can just him know that we're here, please." "Gosh, she's so amped up." "She's running full speed." "You know, why don't we just go in there?" "I don't know what she's doing." "Okay, let's go." "Mr. mayor?" "How are you?" "Could you just sign our books real quick?" "Oh, sure," "I'll sign your book." "Just, uh..." "Ma'am." "Ma'am." "What are, what are you doing?" "What's going on?" "The mayor is missing." "Well, when's the last time you saw him?" "Two days ago." "We gotta go find him." "Yeah, let's go." "Hi." "Hi, can we help you?" "I'm Beth." "Hi." "The house sitter." "Oh, right, okay." "We're gonna shut this and open the front door, okay?" "Just to let you in 'cause you can't fit through here." "Thank you for house sitting for us." "Yeah." "We really appreciate it." "Wow, this is really nice." "It is." "It is... yes." "This is... this is our kitchen." "This is like a living being." "I mean the whole house, you gotta treat it with love and affection and attention." "So when is, um, trash day?" "Oh, we don't observe trash day." "Oh, okay." "What do you want me to do with the garbage?" "Just photograph the bags of trash and send it to us and we'll judge from there." "Uh, okay." "Okay." "I just wanna show you what it's like when you sleep." "I often, uh," "I'll do this expression..." "And then waking up" "I try to do a..." "What time is it?" "I'll just lay down." "See these books?" "Yeah." "Don't ever open them." "Okay." "They're not for reading." "Cool." "And those pears... this is not a lie, they're 700 years old." "Should I get the mail?" "I don't think" "I've ever received mail here." "This is the light." "Oh, is there like a weird thing about it?" "Just-just watch when I do it, okay?" "You don't have to talk through it." "Just watch me." "The tendency here is because I'm nearsighted," "I get in really close." "And, as soon as she calls my name you can hit your head on here." "Yeah." "From the alarm of hearing your name." "Bryce!" "Then there's that." "I was hit and was disoriented and my eyes went here and it scratched my corneas." "My God!" "And as I came... put my hand up to sort of stop some of the scratching going further," "I had lost my balance and hit my temples on here." "And you got a lot of smashing of the temples as you're trying to regain your balance." "So you got your jaw hitting it and you're trying to call for help and your teeth are hitting the edge of the counter." "That bouncing is what can knock you out to the point where you can't get the same cup that you'd get usually." "See what I'm saying?" "Honestly, I'm not gonna go crazy on the counter or anything." "I mean I'll just like, do one of, one of these." "Otherwise, like I said, you know..." "Yeah." "Okay." "That's the last room." "This is the end of the tour." "Okay, cool." "Oh." "So you're clear on everything we told you with the house?" "Yep." "You good?" "Yeah." "We're entrusting our house with you, Beth." "The minute you leave my boyfriend's not gonna come over." "We're not gonna make out on the couch or anything." "Why did you bring it up?" "That was weird." "I was kidding." "We will be back in two hours." "Did you just say two hours?" "Sorry?" "Did you say two hours?" "Yes." "You're coming back here in two hours?" "Yeah." "Bryce." "See ya then." "Okaz..." "Hi." "Hi." "Hi, how are you?" "Good, how are you guys?" "Actually, we are looking for somebody." "We're looking specifically for the mayor of Portland." "And we were wondering if you could trace him using satellite technology to pinpoint his exact location." "Like, maybe he's got his phone on him and you can track it on a map." "I-I think that exists." "Are you on his family plan?" "We're not." "Oh, well, then we can only help you track if he is on the family plan." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, legally, we're not allowed to do it." "Damn it." "Damn it... all right." "Do you guys wanna sign up for a family plan?" "Yes." "Sure... his family plan?" "We can do that?" "No, you start a family plan and you just ad him to it and then I can help you locate him using the find my phone feature." "That's great." "Yes, we would like to do that." "It's standard on all our plans." "Well, we're not like kicking out someone in his family to do that, right?" "Just a new plan." "It starts over." "This is a fresh start." "Actually, the program is called "fresh start."" "Yeah, why would you be concerned about kicking someone out in his family?" "That's not what this is about." "Um, the basic plan we have for the family is, uh, the family talk plan." "It's called "all talk."" "You get 400 anytime minutes which you can use anytime." "There's another one called" ""even more family."" "And that is 400 anytime minutes unlimited nights and weekends." "That sounds great." "We'll do that." "There's more options." "Can I... there's, uh," ""even mo family unlimited"" "which is unlimited minutes and texting plus web." "Okay, so, one doesn't have texting..." "The other doesn't have web." "We'll just get one that has everything." "Okay, well then you want" ""the simply everything" plan." "Okay." "Great." "Um, there's also" ""simply everything plus."" "Which is what?" "Simply everything plus texting." "What we want is your most standard, basic, family plan with a satellite locator." ""This changes everything"" "plan is what you want then." "Yes, that'd be great." "We would like to sign up for that plan." "We are ready to do that." "Awesome, all right." "Let me run through a couple for plans we have." "We have the "strive plan," ""the go getter plan," ""the free and clear plan."" "Didn't we already sign up for a plan?" "Why is this a new plan?" "Time is of the essence." "This is the mayor of Portland." "He could be lying in a ditch somewhere." "He might have been kidnapped." "Right on..." "Um, do you guys want the data pro or the data plus." "What do most people get?" "It's about 50-50 split on that one." "What's the last one you did?" "The last transaction." "Did they do plus or data pro?" "Actually, that information is confidential..." "But I have their phone number so I'm gonna call 'em right now." "No, I don't care." "The pro." "Pro... we want pro." "Great news!" "You can add another line for $5 a month." "Yes." "You guys wanna add another line for $5?" "I would love that... yes." "Great, so you guys are all set." "That is the plan, simply every thing, every thing, uh, shared anytime minutes plus roll over." "Okay, now we pick your besties list which is five people which you can call even if they're outside your network." "I don't know." "No, it's you, me, and the mayor." "You get five." "We'll pick the other two later." "We'll do it online." "I didn't get your names yet." "What are your names?" "Fred and Carrie." "All right, so I'll put him on your list, too?" "What's your name again?" "I'm sorry." "Fred." "So now we just have to chose the phone." "Our most popular models right now are the vitrio charismo." "That's the one we want." "Epiphany, torque, dazzle, create... it's the first one you said." "I actually want the torque." "Good choice." "Carrie?" "All right." "Now our most popular colors for those are bubble gum, metallic bubble gum." "Great." "Metallic pumpkin." "And pumpkin." "What's the difference?" "Carrie... this is an emergency." "Any color is fine." "Two pumpkin phones." "One vitrio one torque." "Thank you." "Great, okay." "So you're all set." "You're all signed up." "Now there is a nominal fee if you wanna keep your current phone number." "Yeah, I thought that was a free service." "After you pay for it, it is free, so..." "Okay." "It's just a one time fee that you pay annually." "It's not a one time fee but... it is one time in that you only pay one time a year." "Great." "That's not one time." "I know, let's just..." "All right great, you guys are ready to pick out your sunglasses." "What sunglasses?" "We do have a promotion right now where you get a pair of free wild side sunglasses." "They help you bring out your wild side." "No, we'll pass, thank you." "Let's just get the "bitch" one." "You want the pink one that says "bitch" on it." "Okay..." "You don't have to say it." "All right, great." "Thank you." "So what'd you guys come in for again?" "We wanna find our bestie, our friend on the map." "The mayor." "Right, the mayor." "Let me type in the mayor's number." "Wow... so cool." "Oh, my God... there he is." "He's in northwest." "Got it." "You know how to get there?" "Yes." "Okay... thank you." "Sir, thanks." "Thank you." "Hey, sunflowers." "It's my birthday." "Hello, tree." "Hi, street lamp." "How you doing?" "Puppy... woof-woof!" "It's my birthday!" "I made a home-made quesadilla." "We are so lucky to live here." "Where the" "Is everyone?" "Hey, lady, watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out!" "Move, move, move, move, move-move-move!" "No-no-no-no-no-no-no!" "Yay." "God, that took us forever!" "What is this place?" "Wait, there he is." "Oh, Mr. mayor." "Hi." "Mr. mayor." "Everyone's looking for you." "The whole city." "Fred." "That's not the mayor." "Take the glasses off, bitch." "Oh, sorry, sir." "Oh, here." "Mr. mayor?" "Carrie." "Sorry, ma'am." "Must have left already or something." "Yeah." "Uh, can I get a milkshake, please?" "Fred." "No way." "That's the mayor." "He's playing bass." "He's in a reggae band." "I feel a little weird saying this, but I like this." "I-I love this." "And he's not like, trying to, like overshadow the rest of the band." "He's like laying it down." "No, he's laying back." "Like a good bass player kinda lays back a little bit." "Except for like minute man and those bands where like they play high on the neck." "You sound good." "We've been looking for you." "We like how you play." "Uh, how's that milkshake coming, friend?" "Not too cold on that, right?" "Where's the stage?" "Julia." "Oh, hi, Mr. kraggen." "Uh, just call me kraggen." "Welcome." "Okay, kraggen." "Are you excited for your first day?" "I am." "You ready to make some ads and commercials?" "Yeah." "Yeah, we are, to." "I was telling my colleague about you and literally without skipping a beat he was like, through the roof, flipping out." "Wow, that's so... like, he couldn't stop gushing about you." "Hey, um, we've got a meeting in like five minutes." "This meeting is huge!" "Okay, wait, but how do I get up there?" "Kraggen?" "Whoa!" "Hey, nice catch." "We're ordering disks for the whole office." "What's your size?" "What size of disk?" "Wait, what?" "Julia... here." "Oh, hey!" "Did you get turned around?" "Yeah." "You need a GPS?" "Uh, the meeting's like in five minutes in the basket." "Wait, what?" "In the basket." "Oh, I don't know what size I am for that." "In here." "What?" "Let's go." "I mean, what are we doing?" "Sign this here." "Surprise!" "Oh, my gosh." "I guess this is for you." "Happy Birthday." "Thank you." "That means so much to me." "Hey, Happy Birthday." "I gotta go." "Thank you so much." "Who was that?" "Ow, geez... what the?" "Hey, we're mood showering." "We hit you with the ball and you tell us the first thing that comes to mind about sportswear." "Ow!" "Julia..." "Julia." "Hey, kraggen." "Our meeting's starting soon." "Come on up." "Okay... yeah." "Take the elevator." "Just come meet me." "Hey, I'm doing a video for my blog." "What's your favorite burger?" "Hey, how's it going?" "Is it okay if I take your photograph?" "Julia, you better get up here... come on." "Kraggen, I'm trying." "Uh, wait, uh, kraggen." "Kraggen." "Kraggen?" "Julia." "Kraggen." "Hey." "Come play air guitar with us." "It's all good." "It's Tucker's birthday, the party's about to start." "Happy Birthday." "Kraggen!" "Julia." "Where's the basket?" "Hey, you wanna break?" "Kraggen!" "Just..." "I'll meet you over here." "You made it." "I did." "It took a while, huh?" "Having too much fun?" "Come on, this way." "Julia." "What?" "I just wanted to tell you that I did what you said." "Sorry?" "I stayed cool." "Like you wrote on the card." "Oh, right... okay, yeah." "You came up with that." "Simple and so meaningful." "It's like remaining cool." "You're really good." "She's creative." "I know, I can tell." "Stay cool." "Yeah, you, too." "You already are." "Okay." "I'll stay cool, too." "Good luck with that." "She ribbing me, by the way." "That's how we kid with each other." "Uh, you're gonna need these." "What for?" "You'll see." "Kraggen, what's happening?" "It's gonna be okay." "Okay, so let's start the meeting." "Julia, do you have any ideas right off the bat?" "I wanna thank you for coming today..." "On this cloudy," "Portland afternoon." "It's, um, been a difficult time for my family and for me." "First and foremost, wanna say, yes, I was playing bass in a dubbed reggae band called "king Desmond" ""and the accelerators."" "A reggae band?" "Yes." "Floyd, Gerald," "Brian, Willy." "Reggae, that's a dirty secret in some ways... and he just he went ahead and just came right out." "Yeah." "What part do you play," "Mr. mayor?" "Do you play an instrument?" "Are you a singer?" "What do you do?" "I sit in a as a bass player." "What kind of bass do you have?" "I had a rickenbacker 4003 that was just killer." "Uh, but right now, no, I'm playing a classic Fender precision." "Those have a great low end." "Unbelievable." "Who are your influences?" "Jeez, I mean Augustus Pablo for me is like, he's king, you know." "Wow, he's into some root stuff, huh?" "I can't believe his wife is so supportive." "Excuse me, Mr. mayor, would you say this is dance hall or real roots reggae." "This is real roots reggae." "We don't mess around." "Cool." "Once you go dub, you never go back." "You know what I'm saying?" "Sir, with all due respect, would you consider yourself a skippa or rude boy?" "Well, you know, if you can open up your heart and you can feel the sun and you can feel the music all is good and all is forgiven." "I'm sorry wh-what?" "It's a new lyric that I've been working on with the band and I've... uh, and it's, um..." "It's, uh." "That's me." "Sorry about that." "We'll wait." "Yes?" "Great news right now." "No, I-I'm fine with my wireless plan." "It-it-it's Johnny from wireless toyz." "Why is he calling right now?" "My besties?" "Oh, she's right here." "Oh, the besties plan... yeah." "Hey." "No, I'm fine with my besties list." "Yeah, I wanna keep it the same." "He got rid of the glasses." "Everyone was calling him" ""bitch."" "Don't call again." "Bye." "Sorry." "Okay." "On you go." "Two of the... my favorite people over there." "Uh, anyway, where was I?" "But if you do leave the country you will have to sign up for our geo plan." "Can we do that online afterwards?" "Well, if you do change your mind later then you have to sign a new two year contract." "So six months from now you decide..." "Oh, I wanna also get the geo plan 'cause I'm going to..." "Let's say luxemburg, or something, then, it would be another two years from that, that you would have the plan." "We just want any plan that is above the nothing plan." "There is no nothing plan." "Nothing plan is what you guys had when you were outside." "Okay, you know what she means."