"Fifteen more minutes." "Yep." "You don't have to stay with me if you don't want to." "You're thinking about chickening out again." "I don't" " No, I'm not thinking about chickening out." "I might ditch, but that's something different entirely." "You know, it's not really so bad." "Therapy?" "Yeah." "So I just talk, right?" "I go into a total stranger's office, I tell them my deepest fears and this is supposed to solve something?" "No, not necessarily." "Freud actually considered himself quite lucky if he could manage to convert hysterical misery into common everyday unhappiness." "So the goal here is unhappiness." "Exactly." "Great." "What did he know, anyway?" "All that crap about penis envy and overemphasis on libido." "I love college, Jen." "I feel like I'm in a French movie." "Really, it's not so bad." "Trust me." "Ninety percent of people on this earth could benefit from a little time on the couch." "You actually laid on a couch?" "Once." "But it was not very comfortable." "The whole Tom Frost office." "Very stark, very Danish." "However, I predict this Rachel Weir of yours will probably be much warmer." "I'm sure she's like a spider-plant- in-the-window kind of chick." "You never felt ridiculous blathering on about your problems to a stranger?" "No more ridiculous than I feel blathering on to no one on the radio." "Hey, that's not true. I listen." "You and Grams." "Thank you for doing this with me." "Anytime." "Okay, so just-- -l got it." "Love you." "Mean it." "Really." "Audrey!" "Seriously." "Audrey!" "Call me if you need me." "How come your film geek looks like Tom Cruise and the one who worships me looks like the kid in Sixteen Candles?" "You should be nicer to George." "He's going to be very famous someday." "Whatever. I practically had to sleep with him to get him to loan me his digital video camera." "What do you need that for anyway?" "My audition tape." "Real World.." "Ibiza, here I come." "You're kidding me." "No!" "Not that I wouldn't miss you. lt's just, who wouldn't rather winter in Spain?" "Okay, I'm having problems with the tone." "Do I go for vamp, vixen or all-out slut?" "Well, just as long as you represent all the colours of the rainbow." "What is all this stuff anyway?" "I'm trying to get up to speed for this Rose Lazare project." "We have another meeting." "Shouldn't you be getting ready?" "I'm trying, but these books-- l mean, you need footnotes for the footnotes." "Not that, you fool." "Wardrobe." "I don't think anyone's gonna notice what I wear." "Okay, and where would Madonna be if she had that attitude?" "I'm serious here." "You have no idea what these meetings are like." "I mean, everyone else is, like, a junior or senior." "They drop names so furiously, they practically leave dents in the carpet." "Then Wilder will throw in little off-the-cuff explanations obviously intended for me." "The guy knows I'm an idiot." "Why would he pick me for something like this?" "Please." "Because you're hot." "And he's a teacher." "Don't tell me you didn't consider that a possibility." "Would it be so awful if some incredibly gorgeous guy found you attractive?" "Has it ever occurred to you that the goal of college is not to be reduced to a piece of meat?" "Oh, so you'd rather be a brain in a jar?" "Then I wouldn't have to worry about what I'm wearing." "Definitely this." "How many people are coming to this anniversary thing?" "Maybe 300." "All of whom will be eating your mushroom-duck crepes which you have approximately 39 hours left to perfect." "And these are friends?" "Friends." "Backers, patrons, reviewers who are all happy to keep being our friends so long as they're kept happy." "Rob called." "What did young Rob have to say?" "He called to confirm the asparagus." "Should be here tomorrow." "This is too early." "You gotta wait for the sauce to caramelise." "Try it again." "He also said congratulations." "That means a lot." "Especially considering that last year he demanded cash for every delivery and kept sending us wilted lettuce." "You slept here to wait for the deliveries." "I had to be there so they could unpack the stuff and then repack it again." "Rob hated you for that." "He did, however start sending us fresh stuff." "So you were the second chef here?" "Yep." "They hired me after the first one's coke habit became a bit too habitual." "You really used to live here?" "For months at a time." "That has got to be hell on a marriage." "Hey, speaking of, is Emily gonna be here tomorrow?" "No." "She can't make it." "Something funny?" "No. l-- lt's a long story." "Longer than 50 minutes?" "No. lt's just my friend, Jen, and I were trying to guess what you'd be like." "And she...." "Right." "Right." "I used to have plastic ones." "But I got rid of them." "Makes the patients nervous." "No one wants a therapist that can't keep a plant alive." "Right." "So, what else did you expect?" "l don't know." "What anybody expects." "Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting?" "Or Judd Hirsch in a big sweater?" "Do you want to, like, start over or something?" "I want to do this right." "You are doing it right." "So I guess you know why I'm here." "I would kind of like to hear that from you, if I could." "I've been having these attacks." "Panic attacks?" "Yeah." "And I know they're my way of dealing with my father's death." "And you're sure about that?" "Well, nothing else is all that different about my life right now." "Nothing else?" "I guess that's not really true, is it?" "Did it feel true?" "Well, six months ago, this is not what I thought I'd be doing with my life." "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "I mean, I'm helping my mom, I guess." "You're not in school?" "No, I was at USC." "It's a good school. lt's far away." "Yeah." "I'm thinking about going back." "I mean, not now." "Not recently. I mean, my mom still needs me." "I've got a baby sister who's not even 1 ." "But next semester maybe?" "Yeah. I've been...." "l've been meaning to call them and find out about that." "ls this something that you want to do?" "l don't know." "I don't know." "Maybe that's what's wrong with me, I don't...." "l don't really do anything. I'm frozen between the past and the future." "There's no reason I couldn't go back." "Except for the panic attacks." "And your mom, who obviously needs you." "And your baby sister." "Right." "I guess...." "l guess that wasn't all that true either, was it?" "Well, the brain works in mysterious ways." "So am I just lying to myself?" "Dawson losing someone you love losing them suddenly with no logical explanation the brain isn't set up to cope with something like that." "And along the way, a few lies here and there it's probably par for the course." "The only problem is when you start convincing yourself the lies are true." "If you ask me, I think this whole thing must be evidence of some big lesbian affair." "That's why the husband never showed anybody the letters during her life." "And it would explain all the references to Sappho." "You know, Alan, just because a teenage girl appreciates the lyric poetry of the ancient world's most famous lesbian doesn't necessarily mean she wants to sleep with other girls." "Yeah, but Rose did." "As literary sluts go, she was right up there with Edna St. Vincent Millay and Ana.i.s Nin." "Okay, before Cassandra drops any more names on us, Joey any thoughts on what makes these particular Lazare letters so different from the hundreds of others we've been sloughing through?" "Well, for starters, they're interesting." "And this may sound like a stupid question, but who's l.V.?" "That is a far-from-stupid question." "In fact, that is the question." "l.V. The person to whom all these letters are written." "Could be anybody." "She never uses a full name?" "Not within the letters." "What about the envelopes?" "She could have destroyed them, thinking the letters were inside or they all possibly may be in a box stuffed under a bed in New Jersey." "So essentially what you're saying is we have absolutely no idea..." "...who these letters were written to." "None." "All we know are that these are the most intimate, revealing letters of her career." "For the first time in these letters we catch a glimpse of somebody real." "Somebody who doubts themself." "Somebody who is not afraid of looking stupid while asking essential questions about life." "And Rose obviously wrote them to somebody she cared a lot about." "Other than that, we know nothing." "So it's a mystery." "Cool." "Like Derrida's postcard for real." "Don't you think, Joey?" "I probably would if I had any idea who you were talking about." "Okay. I think that's a good note to end on." "So next time I want you all to have ideas on who this mystery person could be." "Many, many ideas." "Till then." "So you got a date for Wednesday?" "Nope." "What happened to that blond girl I used to see you with?" "Melissa?" "Melanie." "Right." "She's a law student." "That tends to take up a lot of your time." "That's too bad." "You with a law student." "Probably could have come in handy someday." "So listen, do you want me to set you up with one of my friends?" "No." "Why not?" "I've got some hot friends." "I said no, okay?" "Hey, what have you done with Pacey?" "He used to be such a lovable galumph." "Well, he's a little fed up right now." "Yeah?" "About what?" "Believe me, you don't want to know." "Maybe I do." "Okay." "You know that boyfriend of yours?" "The one I've heard so much about?" "He wouldn't be coming tomorrow night, would he?" "No, not exactly." "Here it's been months, and I've never actually seen the guy." "How is that possible?" "Well, it's like I said." "He's got a really crazy schedule." "And when he's not standing you up does he ever take you anyplace special?" "I don't know, maybe Boston Harbor, a gigantic sailboat." "So, what, he told you?" "No, he didn't tell me." "It's my boat." "All this time, you've been complaining to me about your boyfriend and I've been stupid enough to have sympathy for you." "I never asked you to have sympathy." "You didn't ask me to." "Believe me, I've been trying not to." "So you're just gonna lay a guilt trip on me now?" "You don't know anything about my life." "What I know is that this relationship is gonna bring you nothing but grief." "And I also know that I had to look his wife in the eyes and lie." "For you." "Believe me, that was not too enjoyable." "Well, you know, in the real world sometimes people have to do things that are not so enjoyable and accept things that are imperfect and compromise for reasons that sometimes people are too immature to comprehend, in which case they should just stay the hell out of it." "So..." "...how was your therapy?" "lt was fine." "Did she have an opinion about USC?" "Not really." "Well, eventually things are gonna have to start getting back to normal around here." "Were things ever normal around here?" "Here we go." "This last item is the living trust." "As you know, the trust provides money for health care educational assistance, financial support." "You and Dawson are the listed recipients." "But not Lily?" "To my knowledge, Mitch never filed a codicil including her in the trust which means that technically..." "...she won't have access to it, which" "What?" "isn't necessarily a concern right now." "There are ways that we can work around that." "Perfectly legal ways." "But that's not ideal." "No." "I would take a look around for it." "You never know where these things can turn up." "A folder, an envelope..." "...the back of a drawer." "Well, we'll certainly look for it." "And thank you." "You're welcome." "Good luck." "I take it you've been finding our Rose Lazare project snooze-inducing." "Well, I wouldn't go that far." "But you have implied that most of Rose's letters were uninteresting." "Well, it's just that up until this point they've all been so stiff and formal as if she's writing to someone who's grading her." "People can't be at ease with other people who are giving them grades?" "No." "Or at least, they shouldn't be." "A good point." "She couldn't have written them to a teacher or a mentor?" "Keep in mind that she was quite young when she wrote these." "Around 1 8 or 1 9, I think." "I don't know. I think they were written to a friend." "Interesting." "So you're not buying Cassandra's torrid lesbian love affair theory?" "I don't know. I.... lf they were love letters, wouldn't she be...." "What?" "Be more obvious about it?" "Not if she was writing to another woman back in the '20s." "No, that's not what I meant." "If they were love letters..." "...wouldn't she be less honest?" "There's a paradox in there somewhere." "I read them last night, and Rose totally pours her heart out into these letters." "Who is that honest with someone they're sexually attracted to?" "People can be friends, right?" "Best friends." "But the second sexual attraction comes into it, it's like all bets are off as far as honesty is concerned." "So you don't think people can be both friends and lovers." "No, I do, l-- l hope I do, but...." "Not at 1 8." "Then you'd better concentrate on this friend angle." "You know, I would, but to be honest I don't have the same background as everybody else." "l don't even know where to start." "Sure you do." "Where do most people make their most lasting friendships?" "And don't say high school." "College." "Exactly." "And which progressive, if overpriced, liberal arts college did Rose Lazare happen to go to?" "This one." "Which means her friends...?" "Probably went here too." "Why are you helping me?" "Let's just say I like underdogs." "Honey." "You don't think it could be at the restaurant?" "Somewhere in the office?" "I thought you were gonna stop looking." "Yeah, so did I, but I can't." "You heard what Mr. Brezny said." "It's a technicality." "It doesn't matter." "Everything will be fine." "lt would be better if we could find it." "Dawson, stop." "Why?" "Because you're scaring me a little." "You found it, didn't you?" "Page 63 of the Stephen King novel on his nightstand." "And it's not signed." "Never thought it would be." "Honey, your father was a lot of things, but he wasn't good with details." "Hi." "Oh, hi." "Can I...?" "Sure." "Thanks." "Don't tell me." "You're looking for this." "Yeah." "So got any theories yet?" "Well, I was looking into her roommate, Shirley Brown." "They caught chickenpox together." "Yeah, but that's doubtful." "Rose mentions her later in her letters to Lola Murray." "Calls her "small-minded."" "Would you bear your soul to someone you thought was small-minded?" "I guess not." "But the college friends thing, that's a good idea." "I can't believe we both had it." "But it's okay." "This thing is just an excuse to be around Professor Wilder anyway, right?" "You can have the yearbook if you want it." "Thanks." "Hey." "Witter." "Torres." "I thought I might apologize for the stuff I said." "What stuff you said?" "You know what stuff." "Well, it's okay." "I wasn't exactly Prince Charming either." "No, but you got put in the middle of something, Pacey, which wasn't fair." "And when you called me on it I was defensive and judgmental, which wasn't fair either." "Besides, what do I really know about you?" "l could say the same about you." "Me?" "About me, there's really not much to know." "Oh, come on." "That's not an answer." "You remind me of him." "I remind you of a guy who could cheat on his wife?" "Stop." "When we got together it wasn't exactly cheating." "Emily had walked out on him." "She felt he spent too much time at the restaurant." "She was right." "But she didn't understand that without him Civilization would have folded in six months." "Danny just has this kind of infectious idealism." "This belief that things can work out." "I think that's what he sees in you." "We don't have to stay out here." "You want to come in?" "No. I came to say I'm sorry." "And now that I have, I should probably go home." "You sure?" "Yeah." "Okay." "Well, good night, Karen." "Good night, Pacey." "So you like her?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I do." "She's cool, you know." "She wants me to come three times a week." "Good." "Good." "My lack of mental health is good?" "Yes." "Because it means that I will get to see you more often." "What?" "Well, we just found out that my dad neglected to add Lily to his will." "And what did your mom say?" "My mom said the same thing the lawyer said it's not a big deal." "It's a technicality we can work around." "Well, it probably is." "lt's not. lt can't be." "I feel like you're...." "l don't know." "Like hanging on to the wrong thing here?" "What do you mean?" "Maybe your mom's right, you know?" "Maybe the will isn't such a big deal." "It's probably-- lt's probably nothing." "It's probably a red herring or something." "A meaningless little detail sent to you by the universe to throw you off-track of the real culprit." "And who is that?" "I mean, he just made a mistake, Dawson." "I know. I'm not saying he's perfect." "I know, but you just seem...." "You're so afraid to get mad at him." "l'm not." "What good--?" "lt's not gonna change anything." "Well, but it might change you." "And call me crazy, but I think that is the point of therapy." "Okay, so this is the stuff of me giving the tour." "George took this. lt's nice." "The lighting's good." "It's better than the stuff of me pretending to study." "They're all great, Audrey." "But I'm gonna be late." "Just chill." "There's only one more option, okay?" "I know." "Great birthday present, right?" "I mean, what 14-year-old wants to fend for themselves like an adult?" "But I have to forgive her." "I know that." "Because forgiving her  is the only way that I'm ever gonna be good to anyone else." "The part that's just really terrifying  is that I think that I'm actually...." "I don't know." "I'm, like, turning into her." "I'm loud and shameless, and I'm bossy and I...." "I freak people out sometimes." "But I don't think that I can change that." "Because even if I don't particularly like who I am at least I know who that is." "I mean, if I tried to change  who the hell knows who I'd be?" "What?" "What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong." "That" " That" "That's great." "That's it." "That is...." "That's the one." "But I'm just sitting there talking to myself." "Exactly." "lsn't it kind of cheesy and vulnerable?" "No, it's you. lt's the real you." "That girl in the video who's not afraid to look stupid that's the real you." "And for what it's worth, I've met your mom, and you're nothing like her." "Bye." "Bye." "I'm sorry you'll be stuck back here all night." "I feel like the wicked stepmother that's keeping you from the ball." "I think my inner princess will get over it." "You look fantastic." "I am so glad I hired you." "You know, I think I would look pretty good with a rose between my teeth." "Hey, Emily!" "Hi, Pacey." "Still burning the crepes?" "Yeah. lt's hard to get a hand in here." "Everybody's always goofing around." "l thought you weren't coming." "So did I." "It's hard to celebrate the success that almost ruined your marriage." "Yeah, I imagine that would kind of suck." "Dance with me." "Anytime." "You okay?" "Yeah." "Sure." "Fine." "What do you care?" "You probably called her." "Well, you know that's not true." "Do I?" "I know you thought tonight would be your date with destiny..." "...but I'm just trying to be a friend." "You think I need a friend?" "Yeah." "You obviously don't have too many of them or they would've told you how badly this is gonna end for everybody." "They would've told you that" "Told me what, Pacey?" "That men don't leave their wives for waitresses they sleep with?" "Yeah." "Thanks for the news flash." "The worst part about it was that my mom didn't even seem to care." "It's like she expected him to have messed this thing up." "Maybe that's why I got so mad." "So you were mad?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I was." "At your mother, or at him for not signing it?" "At him." "But I can't be mad at him right now." "Sure you can." "Wasn't your father mad at you?" "You told me he laid down the law, bought you a plane ticket." "Yeah. I gave it right back to him." "And you had reasons for that." "Yeah, but he had reasons for wanting me to go back." "Yes, he did." "And maybe he was wrong." "If he were here and we could ask him we'd probably find out that all those reasons were more about him:" "His hopes, his expectations." "And just because he died doesn't mean that he gets to win the argument." "When I remember that night all I feel is furious." "That's okay." "That's how you feel." "So, what do I do now?" "What every 1 8-year-old has to do:" "Decide what to do with your own life." "And what if I don't know?" "That's fine too." "Although personally I think you do know." "Hey, Torres." "Hey, Pacey." "What do you want?" "Well, when I was running my mouth off back there I forgot to mention one thing." "You look amazing tonight." "You ever wish you were someone else?" "Yeah." "Harrison Ford, Raiders of the Lost Ark." "No. I don't mean someone specific." "I just mean someone else." "Someone completely different from who you are." "That's what I want right now." "Well, hi. I'm Scott." "And you are?" "l'm-- l'm Marie." "Nice to meet you, Scott." "lt's nice to meet you too, Marie." "You are, without a doubt the single most jaw-droppingly beautiful woman in this room." "And I was wondering if you would honour me with a dance." "Yeah." "So tell me, Marie, where are you from?" "Just drop it, Pacey." "Pacey?" "Who is this Pacey?" "I have a funny feeling I should be insulted." "How can he--?" "I mean, how can he just--?" "You know what." "Just calm down, Karen." "l need to go talk to him." "That that would be a really bad idea." "l don't care." "Karen, what would you say to him?" "Seriously, what would you say?" "Here you go, Joey." "Thank you." "Sorry." "We'll forgive you if you brought string cheese." "No?" "Okay." "Guess you had to be there." "Cassandra, you were wowing us with your theory." "It's not a theory, really, just a notion." "I think whoever Rose was writing those letters to must also have been a writer." "Besides sex, that's practically all she talks about her insecurities about writing." "And who cares about writing except other writers?" "Well, it's highly possible." "Joey, agree or disagree?" "I strongly agree." "Sounds like you have a theory of your own you'd like to share." "Well, I think Rose Lazare's greatest confidant was another writer." "I think she was Rose Lazare." "I'll bite." "Well, I think she was writing the letters to herself." "I think they were like a journal or a diary or a confessional of some kind because they're all about writing." "There are no envelopes." "And there's no small talk like in all of the other letters." "The uninteresting ones." "Right." "They're all filled with references about what's going on around her." "You know, everyday life, political events mutual friends, publishers, editors." "And these letters are all about herself." "Her fears and insecurities." "The real her." "I think the only person she was brave enough to share that with was herself." "Am I a total idiot?" "No, Joey Potter." "I think that hush you're hearing is the silence of five people simultaneously asking themselves, "Why didn't I think of that?"" "Kafka writes something very similar to Felice:" ""Writing letters is like communicating with ghosts." "And not just the ghost of the person addressed..." "...but with your own ghost as well."" "Who's Felice?" "Kafka's fiancée." "They had this intense romance." "A will-theyIwon't-they that went on for years." "Ultimately, nothing happened." "Wanna hand me that glass, please?" "Yeah." "Do you really think I was right about those letters?" "Yours was the best idea I've heard so far." "I'm not surprised." "You're a freshman." "Your brain has yet to be encoded with your discipline's received ideas." "So in nonacademic terms, I'm just too stupid to know any better?" "Would you settle for having an open mind?" "For most people in college, that's the first thing to go." "I hadn't pegged you for such a hardcore cynic." "I'm not." "Look, it's like this." "Most people, when they get to college, feel really insecure." "It seems like everybody around them knows so much more." "So they race to try to catch up, pretend to know things instead of slowing down to actually learn them." "Because they don't realize that the discomfort of uncertainty is the most precious part of the experience." "See, if you can feel comfortable not knowing you can learn anything." "Anything." "And if not well, then you've stopped before you've begun." "Well, for a while, I was feeling insecure." "No!" "And I just...." "l guess what I'm saying is thanks for choosing me to be on this project." "Thank you for sticking with it." "Grab that stuff." "I'll clean the rest tomorrow." "Can I ask one more stupid question?" "Shoot." "Who the hell is Derrida anyway?" "Well, let's just say if literature were the Star Wars universe he would be, like, the Darth Maul." "It's WBCW." "This is Jen Lindley and I've been letting you people make requests for long enough now." "Tonight I have a dedication of my own." "And this one goes out to a very old friend who's seen me at my best and at my worst." "And one night out at Mercer Pond got a pretty good view of me in nothing at all." "You really got the idea from my tape?" "Yes." "And was Wilder impressed?" "I don't know. I think so." "How impressed?" "Audrey." "Joey, you said you were there after everyone else left." "Audrey, please shut up." "You don't care that you've obviously impressed him and that he obviously thinks you're special?" "No." "I just don't care at all." "Hey." "Hey." "I figured it was my turn to come and visit you." "What's that?" "It's a sample platter of tonight's menu." "I noticed you didn't really eat too much of anything at the restaurant." "You know, I hate you for making me say this, but..." "...thank you." "For what?" "For this." "For bringing me dinner." "For listening the other night." "For trying to save me when I told you not to." "For not saying, " l told you so."" "That last one may be a bridge too far." "I did tell you so and I have no problem telling you that I did." "He just" " He kissed her, right there in front of me like I wasn't even there." "Well, public kissing is one of the traditional benefits of marriage." "I need to break it off with him." "I need to end this. I need to move on." "Because he's obviously not gonna leave her and...." "Which means we're not going anywhere." "It's good." "God, this is embarrassing." "I'm just a single female with a destructive dating pattern." "Then do like you said." "Change it." "What does that mean, " Change it"?" "I mean, to what?" "To you?" "Sorry." "Just dig in, okay?" "You wanna join me?" "I might even have a table under there somewhere." "Sure." "Hi, this is Karen." "If you want me to know who you are I suggest you leave a message." "Hey, it's me." "So you left." "I can't say I blame you." "God, what a mess, Karen." "I'm so sorry you had to go through that." "My life is so complicated right now and I'm sorry that you're stuck in the middle of it." "I know that that means nothing to you." "I know that you just want to punch me in the face." "And you have every right to, but...." "I love you, Karen." "I really do  in ways big and small." "I never wanted you to get hurt." "Please, Karen, if you're there, pick up, please." "I just" " I wanna talk." "I just want to know you're all right." "You still up?" "If I don't keep reading, I'll wind up only speaking baby talk." "Oh, you've got mail." "What is it?" "l don't know." "Open it up and see." "I seem to have won a film festival in Hooksett, New Hampshire which is really bizarre because I've never entered a film festival..." "...in Hooksett, New Hampshire." "No, but your father did." "Yep." "He wasn't very good with little details but he always believed in you." "l'm not going back to USC." "Okay." "Okay?" "The last thing I want you to do is go to a school you don't like out of some desire to honour your father's memory." "But he was so set on my going back there." "Well, he wasn't ready to give up on the dream, but he would have." "You had your reasons for leaving." "You'd have won him over." "You think?" "Under all that bluster and concern he knew it was your decision to make." "I miss him." "So do I." "He could be so...." "l know. I know." "He couldn't make a PBJ without getting jelly in the peanut butter jar." "The man refused to buy socks." "He would just borrow mine." "I loved him you know?" "Me too." "Yeah." "Subtitles by sdl Media Group"