"* They've had enough of that *" "*His friends would say, stop pining'*" "* There's other girls to look at *" "* They've tried to set him up with Tiffany *" "* And Indigo *" "* But there's somethin' about Mary *" "* That they don't know *" "* Mary *" "* There's just somethin' about Mary *" "* Well, his friends say *" "* Look, life's no fairy tale *" "* That he should have some fun *" "* He's suffered long enough *" "* Well, they may know about domestic *" "* And imported ale *" "* But they don't know a thing about love *" "* Well, his friends would say he's dreamin' *" "* And livin' in the past *" "* But they've never fallen in love *" "* So his friends need not be asked *" "* His friends would say, be reasonable *" "* His friends would say, let go *" "* But there's somethin' about Mary *" "* That they don't know *" "* Mary *" "* There's just somethin' about Mary *" "Ted:" "When I was 16 years old, I fell in love." "Ted:" "When I was 16 years old, I fell in love." "Hey, Renise." "Hey." "So, uh, what's up?" "Ah-uh." "Cool." "So I was wondering..." "I don't know, uh... if... if maybe you wanted to, and... or not." "If you don't want to, you don't have to." "I just wondered if maybe you were going to the prom... and... or, uh... if you felt like that, maybe you'd want to go... with me." "Or, I mean, whatever." "If... if you didn't." "Did you take that bio test?" "'Cause that was like..." "Look, I heard this rumor... that this guy I like was gonna ask me... so I'm gonna wait and see what happens there." "That sounds great." "Yeah." "Ok." "So, is that like a yes or a no or..." "I thought I made it perfectly clear." "If everything else falls apart... maybe." "I'm gonna hold you to that." "Hey, guys." "Hey, Mary!" "Oh, I wonder who she's going with." "Ted:" "Her name was Mary." "She moved to our little Rhode Island town... from Minnesota 2 years earlier." "Ha." "What a fox." "I heard she's going with some guy named Woogie." "Ah." "Who?" "Big guy." "Goes to Barrington High." "Woogie from Bore-rington High?" "Sounds like a loser." "Loser?" "Woogie's only like All-State football... and basketball, and fucking valedictorian." "I heard he got a scholarship to Princeton... but he's going to Europe first to model." "Yeah?" "I was thinking of doing that." "Sorry." "Have you... have you... have you seen my baseball?" "Uh, no." "Sorry, man." "Haven't seen it." "Have you..." "Have you seen my baseball?" "Sorry." "Hey, check it out." "Have you seen my baseball?" "Hey, buddy." "Come here." "I think I know where your ball is." "You've seen my baseball?" "Yeah, yeah." "I've seen it." "You see that girl over there?" "That... that..." "She has it, except she doesn't call it a baseball." "She's got another name for it." "Nice muffs." "Have you seen my... wiener?" "What?" "Have you seen my wiener?" "What the..." "What the hell did you just say, buddy?" "Huh?" "Wiener?" "Hey, get your hand off my car!" "What the hell did you just say to me?" "My... my..." "My... my..." " Huh?" " Wiener." "Fuckin' son of a bitch." "I'm gonna fuckin' kick your ass.!" "Get up, fat boy!" "Let's go!" "Take it easy." "Keep your hands off." "Who the fuck are you?" "The guy's not all there, all right?" "Crowd:" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Get out of my face." "You want the first punch?" "Yeah!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "What's the matter with you?" "Stop it!" "Crowd:" "Aww." "You ok, Warren?" "Mary, have you seen my baseball?" "No, I haven't seen your baseball." "What are you doing leaving the yard?" "You know you're not supposed to leave by yourself." "You know him?" "He's my brother." "I'm her brother." "Warren." "I didn't realize, you know?" "You ought to tell him to watch his mouth." "Jerk." "Are you ok?" "Oh, yeah, I'm fine." "You ok?" "Thanks, Ted." "Ted:" "I couldn't believe that she knew my name." "Some of my best friends didn't know my name." "I think thatJoe Montana... is, like, the most underrated quarterback." "I mean, he should have been a first-round draft pick." "Look what he did at Notre Dame." "It's so ridiculous." "Exactly." "I'm telling you, this year, it's the 49ers. 49ers." "All the way." "Piggyback ride!" "Piggyback!" "Warren, stop it." "Leave Ted alone." "No, that's ok." "I'll do it." "If you think he can hold me." "Are you kidding?" "He's 230 pounds." "He can hold you." "You don't have to." "It's ok." "I got a little disk thing... but it's all right." "All right, here we go!" "Giddyup, Warren!" "There we go!" "Whoo!" "Fun, huh, Warren?" "He's a real Clydesdale, isn't he?" "Yeah, Warren, buckin' bronco." "My turn now." " Oh." " My turn." "Ok." "Well, I don't..." "[Back Cracks] Ohh!" "It's ok, Ted." "You don't have to." "Giddyup!" "Mary:" "That's good." "Whoo!" "That's fun, huh, Warren?" "[Warren Laughing]" "Whoa!" "Ted:" "Uhh!" "Whoa!" "That was fun." "He's only 230, huh?" "Yeah." "I'm in the yard now." "I'll hide." "Ok, go hide." "He's got a lot of energy." "Yeah." "He's great." "I have a lot of fun with him." "Well..." "Thanks for walking us back." "Yeah, no problem." "I'm, uh, I'm just gonna..." "So, are you..." "Are you going to the prom?" "Huh?" "Uh, oh." "Uh... I..." "I don't..." "I think proms are..." "'Cause I thought maybe we, um..." " Dumb." " We could go together." "Oh, you're gonna go with, like, a bunch of people?" "It's like... yeah." "You want, like, a designated driver." "[Laughing] No, no." "I mean, you and me." "Like, we could go together." "The two of us." "You... you and me?" "Yeah." "Well, is that a yes or a no?" "Sure." "Ha." "All right." "Good." "Cool..." "I'm gonna take Warren back inside." "I'll..." "I'll see you at school." "Cool." "I'll catch you back at school." "Ted:" "From that moment on... the guys at school looked at me in a whole new light." "You're a fuckin' liar." "Do you expect us to believe... that you're going to the prom with Mary?" "What's so crazy about that?" "Oh, yeah, dirt bud... and I'm going with Cyndi Lauper." "What happened to Woogie?" "She said she broke up with him... that he was getting weird on her." "I got 20 bucks that says you're full of shit." "Why not make it 100?" "Rock on." "I'm in." "Me, too." "*So when you find somebody who gives *" "* Think of me and celebrate *" "*I made such a big mistake *" "* When I was Mary's prayer *" "*So if I say *" "*Save me, save me *" "*Be the light in my eyes *" "I've already paid him enough money already." "I'm not paying until thejob gets done." "He can kiss my ass." "What the hell do you want?" "Uhh!" "I'm Ted Stroehmann." "I'm here to take Mary to the prom." "Prom?" "Mary went to the prom 20 minutes ago... with her boyfriend Woogie." "Woogie?" "Woogie!" "Oh." "I see." "Charlie, you are so mean." "This is Mary's stepfather Charlie." "I'm Sheila her mother." "Ted, don't pay any attention to anything he says." "He's a laugh a minute." "Ho." "Very funny." "Well, I'm just having a little fun with the guy." "It's prom night." "Woogie's got a sense of humor." "Oh, hey." "Hi, Warren." "Oh, listen, once he gets into that MTV... he'll be there for quite a while." "Oh, here she comes." "Oh, here she comes." "Oh, honey, you look beautiful." "Aw, shit, look at that." "You better be careful, boy." "Hi, Ted." "Hi, Mary." "You look really... pretty." "Thanks." "I like your colors." "Oh, thanks." "The guy said it was tan and taupe." "Poor Ted, he's been getting it both barrels... from the wisenheimer here." "Dad, you haven't been bustin' Ted's chops... have ya?" "I was just fucking with him." "Right, Ted?" "[Laughs]" "Hey, Warren, did you say hi to Ted?" "About 10 times." "Ok." "Hey, Warren." "I think I found your baseball." "You've seen my baseball?" "Well, if it's a big white one." "With, uh... little red stitching." "Yup." "It is." "Hmm." "Then I think I saw it... right behind your ear." "Aah!" "Charlie:" "Warren!" "Warren!" "Hold it, hold it!" "Get up, Warren!" "Hey, Warren!" "Warren!" "Be careful, Mary!" "Be careful!" "Get up, man!" "Let go of him!" "Get down from there!" "What are you doing?" "Ted!" "Ted!" "Warren, put him down!" "Ted:" "Whoa!" "Ohh!" "What the hell are you doing?" "Mary, Mary." "This is my house here.!" "Warren, are you ok, buddy?" "It's ok, Warren." "It's ok." "Here you go." "What the hell's the matter with you?" "I was just trying to give him the baseball." "Baseball?" "What baseball?" "I had a baseball." "What baseball?" "There was..." "It's right..." "There was a baseball here." "I swear, I brought him a baseball... and I was just trying to give him a present!" "Are you yelling at me in my own house?" "No." "Don't make me open a can of whup-ass on you." "Ted, I should have told you." "He has a thing about his ears." "You're all right, Warren?" "Oh, honey, your strap's broken." "Ohh." "All right." "Hey, Ted, I'm just gonna go upstairs real quick." "I just need 2 minutes." "I got to fix my dress." "I'll help you, honey." "Hey, I, uh..." "Can I use your bathroom?" "I'm sorry." "I got to..." "He broke the table." "You son of a bitch." "Warren:" "I didn't do it." "It's ok, Warren." "It's ok." "Ted:" "I swear..." "The bathroom is that way." "Maybe I'll open up a can of whup-ass on him." "Trying to do the kid a favor." "[Unzips Pants]" "[Urinating]" "[Cooing]" "* Why do birds *" "*Suddenly appear *" "*Every time *" "* You are near?" "*" "*Just like me *" "* They long to be *" "[Record Scratches]" "Ted:" "Hmm?" "Sheila:" "Ohh.!" "Is he looking at you?" "What is he..." "Oh, no." "L..." " Oh!" " [Gasps]" "No, no, I was..." "Mary:" "Mom, wait.!" "Ted:" "Shit!" "[Zip]" "Ow!" "Aah.!" "Aah.!" "Aah.!" "[Knock On Door]" "Mary:" "Ted, are you ok?" "Ted:" "Yeah, I'm fine.!" "Everything's ok.!" "Ok, ok, just take your time." "It's all right." "He's been in there over a half an hour." "Charlie, I think he's masturbating." " Oh, come on!" " Mom!" "Well..." "He's not masturbating." "Well, he was watching you undress... with a silly grin on his face." "Ted:" "I was watching the birds.!" "Do something." "What do you want me to do?" "I think he needs some male help." "Oh, for crying out loud." "Dad, just give him a minute." "Ok, kid, listen, I'm coming in, ok?" "No, no." "Don't..." "Exactly what the hell is the situation here?" "What did you do, shit yourself or something?" "Oh, I wish." "L..." "I got it stuck." "You got what stuck?" "It!" "Oh!" "It." "Um..." "Um, uh, well, um..." "listen, uh... it's not the end of the world." "These kind of things happen." "Uh... uh, let's have a look at it." "Oh, my God in Heaven save him!" "Shh!" "Shh!" "Shush." "Quiet." "Uh, Sh-Sheila." "No." "Sheila, uh, honey?" "Ted:" "Don't." "Sheila, honey... uh, you gotta come here." "You gotta see this." "What is it?" "What?" "No?" "!" "Don't!" "Don't!" "Don't worry." "She's a dental hygienist." "She'll know exactly what to do." " Hi, Ted." " Hi, Mrs. Jensen." "How are you?" "You ok?" "Yeah." "Holy shit!" "Mrs. Jensen:" "Charlie, you could have warned me." "Ok, I, um..." "Mrs. Jensen, I..." "Right, right." "Ok." "I don't want her to hear, you know?" "Ok." "Um, let's just relax here, ok?" "Now, uh, uh... what exactly are we, uh..." "looking at here, huh?" "What do you mean?" "Look at the..." "I mean, is it the, um... or the..." "Is it the frank or the beans?" "Oh, I, uh, I..." "I don't know." "It looks like..." "I think it's a little bit of both." "Warren:" "Franks and beans.!" "Franks and beans.!" "Mary:" "Shh.!" "No.!" "Shh, shh.!" "Well, what's that bubble there?" "What do you think?" "It's a..." "Well, how the hell... did you get the beans above the frank?" "!" "Shush, shush." "I don't know." "It wasn't like it was a well-thought-out plan." "There really does seem to be an awful lot... of skin coming through there... so I'm gonna find some Bactine, honey." "Uh, no." "You know what?" "I don't need any." "Really." "Hello there." "Oh, Christ." "What the hell's going on here?" "Neighbors said they heard a lady scream." "Uh, well, you're looking at him." "Uh, you gotta take a look at this." "Would you just..." "Oh, Jesus." "Charlie:" "Ain't it a beaut?" "What the hell..." "Huh?" "...were you thinking?" "How the hell did you get the zipper... all the way to the top?" "Let's just say the kid's limber." "[Spraying]" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Christ." "What the..." "God..." "Somebody's gonna have to move that station wagon... so I can get the truck in here." "Officer:" "Lenny, come here." "Ohh..." "Take a look... at what this num-nuts did." "Holy shit!" "Mike, Eddie." "Get down here quick." "Bring everybody." "Bring a camera." "You're not gonna believe this!" "We got a kid down here..." "What's your name?" "No, I..." "No, there's only one thing to do here." "What?" "No." "You know what?" "I got an idea." "Look, look." "I can just..." "You don't have to do anything... 'cause, look, I can just wear this over the front." "Look, I can go to the prom." "We'll deal with it later." "Son, relax." "You already laid the tracks." "That's the hard part." "Now we're just gonna back it up." "Sheila:" "Teddy, be brave." "It's just like pulling off a band-aid." "A one... and a 2... and a..." "We got a bleeder!" "Keep pressure on it." "Keep it on." "Everybody get out of the way.!" "[Sirens]" "Step clear, gentlemen, please." "Warren:" "He was masturbating!" "Medic:" "People, please move out of the way." "Charlie:" "Warren, come here." "Warren:" "He was masturbating.!" "Move out of the way." "Charlie:" "None of this ever happened to Woogie.!" "Mary:" "Are you ok, Ted?" "[Crash]" "Aah.!" "Ted!" "Warren:" "He was masturbating.!" "Aah." "Ohh." "Ted, are you all right?" "Sure." "Aah." "Oh." "Mary:" "Ok." "Ok, Ted." "Ok, let's roll." "[Siren]" "All right, folks, let's go." "It's over." "So, anyway, uh... school ended a couple days later... and her father got transferred... to Florida in July." "So I worked all summer... to pay off those debts and..." "Well, I never saw Mary again." "That was... what?" "13 years ago." "That's very interesting." "Anyway..." "I know it's not the type of thing you'd forget... but I guess I just..." "I kinda..." "I must have blocked it out of my head or something... 'cause I was driving down the highway last week... and I started thinking about Mary... and all of a sudden... it was like I couldn't breathe." "I mean, I was..." "I was..." "I felt like I was gonna die." "So I pulled off the road... and I just sorta stopped in this..." "I guess it was a rest area." "I was just kind of shaking and..." "[Sighs]" "You know... rest areas are homosexual hangouts." "How about you?" "The big "L."" "Hmm?" "Ever been?" "What?" "In love." "Well... once." "Mary." "Oh, God." "Not Mary again." "Look, I know it was brief... but it was..." "It was definitely love, Dom." "I mean... crushes don't last for 13 years, right?" "What ever happened to Mary?" "I told you... she moved with her family to Miami." "So why don't you look her up?" "I did... once." "I called." "She wasn't listed." "So that's it?" "You get one little bump in the road and give up?" "It's probably for the best." "After 13 years... she's probably gonna think I'm a stalker or something." "You know what you should do is hire a private investigator." "You know, to find her, follow her around." "She won't know anything." "No way!" "That's way too creepy." "Besides, she's probably married... with a couple of kids by now." "Girls like Mary... they don't stay single." "Hey, I've got an idea." "There's this guy down in my office." "His name's Healy." "He's a claims investigator." "He's a hell of a bloodhound." "He shoots down to Miami every couple of weeks." "He can help you out." "This guy runs a little hot, but he gets thejob done." "So..." "Dom says you're looking for some lady friend." "You knew back at school." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I don't buy it, but it's cute." "You're not buying what?" "Ted, I'm the kind of guy... who likes to shoot from the hip." "Ahem." "[Zips Pants]" "I want you to level with me." "Come on, let's talk." "Did you knock this skirt up?" "Huh?" "No." "She's blackmailing you, right?" "Blackmailing me?" "No." "You want her dead, don't you?" "Dead?" "Were you..." "You're not serious, are you?" "You expect me to believe... this is a straight stalker case?" "Come on!" "[Rock And Roll Music Blaring]" "[Lowers Volume On Earphones]" "Healy:" "Ahh." "Looks like we found your Mary, Ted." "Husband... negative." "Children and a Labrador... negative." "Tight little package... affirmative." "Listen to this one:" ""Seeking sensitive WASP doctor..." ""to share candlelit dinners..." ""long walks in Coconut Grove... marriage."" "Is she looking for a corpse?" "You have to be specific when you write those." "You have to say "Seeking deaf mute..." ""with," you know..." ""3-pound cock and trust fund."" "I want a guy who can play 36 holes... and still have enough energy... to take me and Warren to a ball game... and eat hot dogs." "I'm talking sausage hot dogs, beer." "Not light beer, but beer." "That's my ad." "Print it up." "Mmm." "Fatty who likes beer and golf." "Jeez, Mary... where you gonna find a gem like that?" "[Laughter]" "Ok, well, here's the catch..." "He has to be self-employed." "Like a drug dealer?" "No, I was thinking along the lines, maybe... of somebody like... an architect or something." "But I want somebody with freedom in theirjob... you know?" "Somebody who can do it anywhere... and just leave at a drop of a hat." "And where would you and your beer-bellied architect... be going to?" "Mmm." "Super Bowl?" "That's good." "I don't know." "Maybe a few months in Nepal." "Mm-hmm." "And you'd probably dump the poor guy... halfway to Katmandu." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means you change your mind too much." "No, I don't." "Oh, come off it, Mary." "Remember that gorgeous corn-fed white-boy honey... that you just dumped like yesterday's garbage." "What was his name?" "Pack man." "Ok." "We had fun for a while." "Mary, cut the crap." "What really happened with Brett?" "Yeah." "Brett seemed so sweet." "You know what Tucker said Brett told him?" "He said that if Warren wasn't in my life... that he would have popped the question... a long time ago." " Oh." " What a schmuck." "To hell with Brett, you know?" "Pop, you wanna get me a whiskey sour... when you get a sec?" "Whiskey sour coming up." "Got some excellent news for you my friend." "Oh, yeah?" "Excellent?" "I think your life's about to change." "Really?" "So... so you found her?" "Oh, yeah." "And you were right, man." "She really is something else." "My God." "Really." "So... so she hasn't... she hasn't changed at all, huh?" "Well, that I couldn't say." "Let me ask you something." "Was Mary a little big-boned back in high school?" "Big-boned?" "No, no." "Not at all." "No." "I guess she packed on a few pounds over the years." "Oh, yeah." "So she's a little... she's a little chubby?" "Oh, I'd say about a deuce, deuce and a half." "Not bad." "Oh, my." "A deuce and a half, huh?" "You know." "You shit out a bunch of kids... and you're bound to put on a few pounds." "Oh, so she's, um... she's married." "No, no." "She's never been." "That's the good news." "Huh?" "4 kids, 3 different guys... but no rock." "Hyperactive little fuckers, too." "Tough to keep up with in a wheelchair, I bet." "She's in a wheelchair?" "Mary's in a wheelchair?" "I thought that was part of your kick." "Excuse me, I ordered a whiskey sour." "Pop:" "Yeah, whatever." "Are you sure it's the same Mary?" "Are you sure you have the right person?" "Oh, yeah." "It's Mary all right." "The brother Warren?" "Hey, don't look so shocked, Ted." "It's been a long time." "I bet you've changed a lot the last 13 years... haven't you?" "What, do you think your shit don't stink?" "No, I don't think..." "I..." "I mean, yes, it does..." "Ok, I got all the information you need." "I got it off her bookie." "Nice guy." "You really should look her up, Ted." "I mean, she's a real spark plug, this one." "Well, thank you." "Thanks, Healy." "Good work." "Uh, Ted... don't you want the name of the housing project?" "What?" "Man on TV:" "...for 1,995." "See the Sarone boys on Route 1 in South Attleboro... and right here... on Jefferson Boulevard in Warwick..." "[Guitar Plays]" "* Well, it hurts from the bottom *" "*And it hurts down to your soul *" "* That's because *" "* True love is not nice *" "*And it brings up hurt *" "*From when you were 5 years old *" "* That's because *" "* True love is not nice *" "*No *" "* Oh, pain, pain, pain *" "*Ain't that just love's name?" "*" "*Love can bring up hurt *" "*From way down low *" "*It now be emphasized *" "* True love is just not civilized *" "* True love is not nice *" "* No, no *" "Where are you goin'?" "Huh?" "Oh, I resigned." "Good luck in Miami, Pat." "Miami?" "What..." "What are you doing in Miami?" "Uh, I took a, uh, job offer." "With who?" "With, uh..." "Rice-A-Roni." "Isn't that the San Francisco treat?" "It was." "They're changing their image." "Yeah, well, listen..." "I've been thinking about what you said." "Good, good." "And, uh, I still want to look her up." "Who?" "Roller pig?" "Are you nuts?" "I thought you said she was a real spark plug." "Hmm?" "No, no." "I said butt plug." "She's heinous." "You know what?" "All the same, I think I'm gonna call her." "I mean, I know it sounds crazy... but, you know..." "I don't know." "Maybe I can help her out." "I just..." "I feel bad, you know?" "The poor thing, she's in a wheelchair... for God's sakes." "It's..." "It's a bunion." "It'll heal." "Bunion?" "You..." "What..." "I thought..." "You know what?" "That's not even it." "The point is, I just..." "I know this doesn't make sense to you... but I can't just turn it off that fast." "I guess I still have feelings for her." "This girl really means something to you, huh?" "All right." "Tell you what..." "I'll get you her number... just as soon as she gets back from Japan." "Thank you." "I'd apprec..." "Japan?" "What is..." "What's happening in Japan?" "Why is she going toJapan?" "Oh, uh, you've heard of mail order brides... haven't you?" "Well, they go that way, too." "Mary's a..." "What..." "What, are they desperate?" "She's a whale!" "Don't forget." "It's a sumo culture." "They pay by the pound there." "It's sorta like, uh, sorta like tuna." "Well, what happened to..." "you said she was single." "What happened." "Remember?" "No rock." "You had your window, Ted." "You blew it." "[Car Starts]" "I had my window?" "[Dom Laughing]" "I'm sorry, buddy." "It's just..." "Y'know, you're taking this all wrong, ok?" "I mean, come on." "You're liberated." "I feel liberated." "I mean, you know... here you've been in therapy, you know... thinking you blew it... with the greatest girl ever... and, really, it turns out... that getting your dick stuck in your zipper... was the best thing that ever happened to you." "Ted:" "You wanna say it a little louder?" "I'm sorry, but it was." "I never told you that." "Well, Christ, Ted, I was only 4 towns away." "Excuse me." "Oh, sure, sweetheart." "Oh, man, I gotta go." "I gotta get up at 6 A.M. Tomorrow... and help my boss' brother move into his new apartment." "Your boss' brother?" "Who's that?" "I don't even know." "I never met him." "Uh-huh." "Y'know, Ted, you gotta finish that novel... so you can quit that stupid magazine." " Yeah." " Mm-hmm." "Nice swing." "Christ!" "Hit a house!" "I haven't swung the wrenches in a while." "Would you mind givin' me some pointers here?" "Yeah." "Sure." "Don't talk in someone's backswing." "Oh, thanks." "I'm gonna go get a soda." "You want one?" "No, thanks." "Oh, uh, look, I'm sorry to bother you again... but, uh... you got change of a dollar?" "No." "All I got are these damn Nepalese coins." "You've been to Nepal?" "Hmm?" "Oh, uh, not... not in months." "I don't even know why I bought the damn place." "Nice meeting you again." "You, too... again." "So what's your name?" "Pat Healy." "Hmm." "Want to know mine?" "I already know it, Mary." "How did you know that?" "'Cause it's right there on your golf bag." "Aw, damn!" "Wow." "Are..." "Are those blueprints?" "Oh, these?" "They're just some, uh, projects I'm working on." "Museum... hospital for kids." "Really?" "Are you an architect?" "Just till I get my, uh, PGA tour card." "No." "I mean... are they, um, putting up some sort of a new museum... in town, or is it..." "Well, to tell you the truth..." "I'm sort of burnt out on talkin' about it." "Oh, I'm sorry." "It's just a job, really." "You know, something to keep me moving." "My real passion is my hobby." "Really?" "What's that?" "I work with retards." "Isn't that a little politically, um, incorrect?" "Well, the hell with that." "No one's gonna tell me... who I can and can't work with, right?" "No." "I mean..." "We got this one kid..." "Mongo." "He's got a forehead... like a drive-in movie theater... but he's a good ship... so we don't bust his chops too much." "So one day, Mongo gets out of his cage..." "What, they keep him in a cage?" "Well, it's... it's just an enclosure..." "No, but they keep him confined." "Right, yeah." "That's bullshit!" "Well, that's what I said!" "So I went out... and I got him, um, I got him a leash." "A leash!" "Yeah, one of those ones... you can hook onto the clothesline... and he can run back and forth." "And, uh, there's plenty of room... for him to... to dig and, uh, play." "That kid has really, uh... he's really blossomed, you know?" "Now I can, uh, take him to movies." "Baseball games." "Fun stuff." "Yeah." "Sounds cool." "Oh, yeah, it's cool for them... but for me it's much more than that." "For me, it's... it's heaven." "Y'know?" "Those goofy bastards are just about... the best thing I've got goin' in this... crazy world." "Hey, dipshit, be careful with that thing, will you?" "What?" "You heard me." "You already put a fuckin' nick in my piano." "Well, I'll try to be a little more careful." "What are you, a baby?" "You wimpin' out on me?" "It's just that this is a little bit heavy... that's all." "What if the families don't want a class action?" "Oh, God!" "That's what I've been trying to explain... to you people for the last hour!" "Ok, fine." "We'll go over it again." "Mary's a fox!" "What?" "Mary's a fox?" "What do you..." "Hey, folks." "Here, let's..." "We'll break up." "We'll spitball this tomorrow." "Ok?" "What the hell are you talking about?" "!" "Mary?" "My Mary?" "Uh-huh." "She's not in Japan." "She has no rugrats running around." "My friend says she's a fox." "A surgeon fox." "I don't get it." "I mean Healy..." "Think about it!" "He never even looked her up down there!" "He was there closing his deal... with the Rice-A-Roni people the whole time!" "What's up with your head?" "Huh?" "Oh." "L..." "I get hives tap-dancing for these idiots." "I get a little stressed-out." "Jeez." "You know, I feel like a royal shit... because I set you up with this guy." "You know what you gotta do." "You gotta call her." "Fuck calling her." "I'm goin' down there." "Yeah, yeah, ok." "ASAP." "So, who's the lucky guy?" "His name is Pat." "I met him at the driving range." "Is he good-looking?" "He's no Steve Young." "So, what is he like?" "I don't know." "Kind of a mook." "A schlep." "Magda:" "Why the hell you going out with him... if he's a schlep?" "It's not like that, Magda." "You know, it's... it's like that movie Harold and Maude." "Aw..." "I don't watch the new ones." "Well, you should because it's probably... the greatest love story of our time." "The point is... is that love isn't about... money or social standings... or age." "It's about 2 people connecting... having something in common... you know, kindred spirits." "Fuck kindred spirits." "My little Puffy here is going to tell you... everything you need to know about that guy... in about 2 seconds flat." "If Puffy starts yapping, uh-uh." "He's a loser." "If he likes him... honey, then you've got yourself a keeper." "[Kisses Puffy]" "[Growling]" "Yeah." "Lover ball likes it when I rub his belly." "That is amazing." "He doesn't like anybody." "He never usually likes guys." "He doesn't like bad guys." "Is that right?" "I can tell that you're an animal nut." "You are, aren't you?" "You got me pegged." "You know, in Nepal... the villagers there called me..." "Kin Ton Ti... which means..." ""noble man who is loved by many animal... who, in kind, he loveth, too."" "Would you like a cup of tea or something?" "I'd love a brewski if you got one." "We can do that." "Hey, Magda... why don't you help me in the kitchen?" "Oh." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Certainly." "Of course." "Kin Ton Ti." "Puffer doesn't like bad guys, does he?" "Heh heh heh." "Puffer?" "Puffer?" "Puffer, come on, boy." "Would you like a little clam dip, doll?" "Pat:" "Uh, no, thank you." "I'd love a bundt cake if you have one." " Bundt cake?" " Bundt cake?" "1, 2, 3, 4, 5." "1, 2, 3, 4, 5." "1, 2, 3." "Hey, Pat, do you want a, um... a Budweiser or a Heinie?" "Uh, yeah, whatever." "Come on, Puffer!" "Stay away from the light!" "Ok, I'll just get you a regular." "Uhh!" "[Sound Of Fire Spreading]" "All set?" "[Barks]" "Ohh." "Oh, good pooch." "All we had were some Oreos." "How does that sound, honey?" "Oh, my God." "He's got him wrapped up like a baby." "He was... he was a little chilly." "[Whimpers]" "I'm going to start my own company." "Really?" "You want in?" "Uh..." "I... nah." "I'm not..." "I don't really have any money or..." "You heard of this thing the 8-Minute Abs?" "Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs." "Yeah, the exercise video." "This is going to blow that right out of the water." "Listen to this... 7-Minute..." "Abs." "Right." "Yes." "Ok, all right..." "I see where you're going." "Think about it." "You walk into a video store." "You see 8-Minute Abs sitting there." "There's 7-Minute Abs right beside it." "Which one are you going to pick, man?" "I'm..." "I would go for the 7." "Bingo, man, bingo." "7-Minute Abs." "And we guarantee just as good a workout... as the 8-Minute folk." "You guarantee it?" "That's..." "How do you do that?" "If you're not happy with the first 7 minutes... we're going to send you the extra minute free." "You see?" "That's it." "That's our motto." "That's where we're coming from." "That's from "A" to "B."" "That's right." "That's..." "That's good." "That's good." "Unless, of course... somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs." "Then you're in trouble, huh?" "No!" "No, no, not 6." "I said 7." "Nobody's coming up with 6." "Who works out in 6 minutes?" "You won't even get your heart going... not even a mouse on a wheel." "That..." "Good point." "7's the key number here." "Think about it." "7-elevens." "Yeah." "7 doors." "7, man, that's the number." "7 chipmunks twirling on a branch... eating lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch." "You know that old children's tale from the sea." "It's like you're dreaming about Gorgonzola cheese... when it's clearly Brie time, baby." "Step into my office." "Why?" "'Cause you're fucking fired." "Yeah." "You know what?" "I got to pee." "I'm just going to pull over." "You know, your car seats are making me itchy, man." "What are these made out of?" "Cactus?" "I'm only waiting 7 minutes... total." "Ohh!" "Hey, wait your turn." "Hey, I didn't..." "Whoa." "Officer:" "Freeze.!" "Ted:" "Wait a minute." "[Sirens]" "This is a raid!" "No." "No, no, no, I was peeing." "That's what I was doing." "I was just peeing." "Man:" "I was peeing, too.!" "Yeah, I'm sure you were all just pissing." "Let's go." "Let's move 'em out." "Let's go." "[Men Yelling]" "Come on." "Man:" "Shit.!" "Jimmy Shay, is that you?" "[Helicopter]" "* Bad boys, bad boys *" "* Whatcha gonna do?" "*" "* Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?" "*" "* Bad boys, bad boys *" "Oh, my God." "Ted?" "Ahem." "If you'll just let me talk to you for one second... outside of the truck..." "look, I still have to pee, all right?" "Get in the truck!" "Let's go." "Let's go." "Can I have a cup?" "See, hon?" "I told you he was gay." "Announcer:" "We'll be right back with more Cops... live from the heartland." "hmm." "No, I didn't catch it." "Can we cut to the chase?" "I mean, am I, like, in a lot of trouble here, or..." "First, tell us why you did it." "Why I did it?" "Um..." "I don't know." "Boredom." "The guy turns out to be a blabbermouth..." "Just would not shut up." "I mean, with the..." "Just..." "Ted... this wasn't your first time... was it?" "No." "How many are we talking here?" "Hitchhikers?" "My whole life?" "Um..." "I don't know." "25, 50." "I mean, who keeps track?" "Hey, you know, I know this is the Bible Belt... but where I come from... this is not that big a deal." "You son of a bitch." "You're going to fry." "Come here!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Take it easy!" "You ok?" "What the hell is wrong with you?" "You all right?" " Punk." " Jesus.!" "[Radio Static]" "Your friend Tucker stopped by." "Really?" "Ok." "Hey, what does it look like today?" "Woman:" "It's fine." "A little crazy in the afternoon." "Hey, Tucker." "Eh, what's up, Doc?" "You look different." "Did you do something with your hair?" "The teeth." "The teeth." "I got them capped." "Oh, yeah?" "Hey, they look great." "You don't think they look a little big?" "No, not at all." "The bigger the better." "Hmm." "But they could be a little brighter." "There's nothing more sexy to me... than a guy with a mouthful of big pearly whites." "Oh, really?" "Come here." "You ever had one up the hatch in here." "Tucker, behave yourself." "I'm sorry." "What can I do for you today, my friend?" "I wanted to talk to you about your friend Patrick." "He's a nice guy, huh?" "That's what I'm trying to figure out, Mary." "How long have you known him?" "Not very long, but I like him." "I know he's a little different... but that's what I like about him." "He dresses like a complete dork." "He chews with his mouth open." "He hardly ever says the right thing... and he probably farts, too." "Mm-hmm." "That's what you're looking for, is it?" "A farter?" "No, I'm looking for a guy." "Look, something struck me as strange... about him last night." "He... he gave me this funny vibe." "Anyway, I called some friends up north... and they've never heard... of an architect named Patrick Healy." "And he's not listed as a Harvard alumnus." "Fuck!" "Really?" "That's strange." "Yes, I thought so." "Anyway, I hope you don't think I'm being meddlesome." "It's just that I think you should... be careful with this guy, that's all." "I mean, let's face it." "You're beautiful, and... and you've got money, and you trust people." "I'm just saying... there's a lot of psychos out there." "Just be careful." "Fucker!" "Look, Tucker... thank you." "I really appreciate you looking out for me." "Ok, listen..." "I'll call you, ok?" "Ok." "Oh, damn." "You want me to get those for you?" "No." "I have to learn to do this myself." "Damn!" "[Leg Rattles]" "My leg." "Could you, Mary?" "Thank you." "Wait." "Wait." "There." "[Rattles]" "[Rattles]" " See?" " Yeah." "I knew I could do it." "Here, let me get the door." "Thank you." " See you later." " Good-bye." "Jane, can you get the door for Tucker?" "[Keys Drop]" "Do you want me to..." "No." "I've done this a thousand times." "Ok." "[Southern Accent] Mr. Stroehmann... on behalf of the entire..." "South Carolina law enforcement community..." "I would like to apologize to you... for any pain or temporary inconvenience... that you may have been caused." "Ohh." "At approximately 10:40 this morning... a man was apprehended not far from where you were arrested." "He was identified as an escaped mental patient." "Subsequently, he confessed to the murder... you're being held for." "Lab tests confirm a fingerprint match." "You mean I'm free to go?" "No harm, no foul." "Oh, by the way, there's someone there to see you." "[Cheering And Whistling]" "Shut up!" "[Music Playing]" "Phew!" "You are a lucky son of a bitch... you know that?" "I am?" "Yeah." "Didn't they tell you?" "That hitcher was about to cut your throat... before you decided to take a piss." "Had a fucking horseshoe up your ass, my man." "You got that nervous hive thing again?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I do, Ted, um... because I got some bad news." "Are you ok?" "Ted, I'm dying." "Oh, my..." "[Laughs]" "Ted..." "I'm not dying, man." "Come on." "Jesus, it's just the humidity down here." "No." "No, the bad news I got is about our friend Healy." "I sent my assistant down to his apartment... with his last paycheck." "The landlady said when he came back from Miami... he kept talking about falling for some doctor... named Mary." "Mary?" "Mmm." "My Mary?" "Well..." "Ted... here's Healy's address down there." "And in the future... do a little research before you send a guy like that... out into the woods." "Out into the woods." "Ted:" "Holy shit, look." "Look, there's Warren." "Franks and beans!" "Frank and beans!" "Warren, come on, you just ate." "Hey, leave him alone." "He's just got a big appetite." "Isn't that right, Warren?" "Huh?" "I said you got a big..." "Warren, Warren, Warren, Warren!" "Oh, yes." "Uh-huh." "You can't touch his ears unless he trusts you." "I'm sorry." "Are you ok?" "[Hoarse] Not to worry." "So I'll see you tonight, right?" "Sure." "Here, Warren." " You ok?" " He broke it." "I saw." "Ok." "Come on, what are you waiting for?" "Let's go." "What?" "No." "I don't know what to say." "What are you talking about?" "Just tell her the truth about Healy." "Blow the schmuck out of the water." "Come on." "No, I can't." "I unleashed the psycho on her." "She's going to be fucking pissed." "Mmm." "Mary!" "Mary!" "Ted:" "Stop.!" "Mary?" "Mary?" "Is that..." "It is you." "Who is that?" "Hi." "It's Ted." "Ted?" "Yeah, Ted from Rhode Island." "Ted." "Ted?" "Oh, my God." "Ted!" "How are you?" "It's good to see you." "Good to see you, too." "How you been?" "I'm..." "I haven't seen you since... since..." "Yeah." "Since..." "since, um..." "Senior prom." "That's right..." "senior prom." "L..." "You got a great memory." "Oh, man, that was..." "I haven't thought about that in years." "Yeah." "So, um... how's everything?" "Everything, you know." "Oh, oh, that's fine." "You know, I was in and out of the hospital... in a couple of weeks." "It was not a big deal at all." "Now I'm good." "Strong like bull." "Really good." "Hey, hi, Warren." "Hi, Ted." "How are you?" "I'm..." "How are you?" "[Laughs]" "I can't believe that he remembers you." "Piggyback ride?" "Oh, piggyback..." "No." "You know what?" "I'll take a rain check this time, ok?" "He never remembers anybody." "It's amazing." "So, what are you doing here?" "Do you work here?" "This is my office." "Well, it's up there." "I was just out on my lunch break with Warren." "It's crazy." "What are you doing here?" "Well, that's a funny story." "I was..." "I decided to..." "I got in the car with my friend, um... and we just, uh..." "We came down to Florida, right?" "Right." "Well, you look great." "You look really good." "I mean, what's the story?" "Are you married?" "Do you have kids?" "What's the deal?" "No." "Dodged a few bullets." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "God, this is just so... bizarre." "I mean, I'm standing here with MaryJensen." "No, no." "Now it's Mary Matthews." "Oh." "Did you..." "No, no." "I haven't walked down that plank yet, no." "But, uh, it was this thing in college." "This creepy guy who..." "Anyhow, there was a restraining order... got kind of ugly, and after Princeton..." "I just decided, you know what?" "Be cautious." "Change your name." "Just kind of leave that behind." "Right." "That sounds..." "that sounds horrible." "It was... yeah." "It was, but it's over, I think, so it's good." "Hey, what are you doing tonight?" "Do you think maybe you want to maybe..." "I don't know, go out to dinner, you know?" "Catch up on old times." "Didn't we just do that?" "I'm fucking with you, Ted." "Ha ha!" "Oh." "No." "Listen, I'd really..." "I'd like to, it'd be great... but, um, I sort of already have plans tonight." "Oh." "But I'm free tomorrow night." "Yeah, sure." "Or, you know... or you could just blow off that jerk... you're going out with tonight... and come out with me." "What hotel are you staying at?" "Uh, the Cardoza." "Pick you up at 8:00?" "Sure." " Ok." " Ok." "Cool." "See you." "Bye." "* Look closely at this picture *" "* Ted and Mary like before *" "* Can you see her as Ted sees her *" "* And why he couldn't wait no more?" "*" "* And if you still think he's being silly *" "* Then you've still got more to see *" "* 'Cause this isn't just a date, folks *" "* This is chemistry *" "* And Mary *" "* Well, there's just somethin' about Mary *" "Magda on radio:" "Banana!" "Banana!" "We're gonna be buyin' bananas tonight!" "Ooh!" "Why's that?" "'Cause back when I was your age..." "I always used to make myself a big banana split... after sex." "I think you're gonna need one tonight." "He told me he's not an architect." "You were right, but right now..." "I'm kind of, actually, running behind." "Mary, the man's a killer." "What?" "Yes." "I have a friend... in the Boston police department." "He faxed me this this morning." "I'll just give you the highlights." "After a short stint as a petty thief..." "Patrick R. Healy... graduated to armed robbery... by the age of 14." "At 16... he committed his first murder... a pretty teacher's aide named Molly Pettygrove." "He was incarcerated until the age of 22... when despite a grim psychological profile... the state was forced to release him." "In his mid 20s and again in his early 30s... he was suspected of homicides... in the states of Utah and Washington." "Unfortunately... the bodies were so badly decomposed... there wasn't enough evidence to hold him." "And so on and so forth." "Mary:" "You guys, what am I gonna do?" "I'm supposed to meet this guy in an hour." "Well, just calm down." "Everything's going to be fine." "Don't worry." "Tucker." "Why you two never hooked up is beyond me." "I'm so lucky to have you as a friend." "Yes, well, don't get all gooey on me now." "You're gonna give me a big head." "See, the important thing, Doctor... is you have to distance yourself as much as possible... without pissing this psycho off." "Ok." "I know what I'm gonna do." "I know what I got to do." "Where's the phone?" "[Dog Barking]" "You're gonna pay, fucker." "[Starts Engine]" "I don't know, Dom." "I don't feel good." "I feel nervous." "I really feel nervous." "Oh, come on, relax." "Relax." "Been to the cash machine?" "[Sighs] Yeah." " Car clean?" " Uh-huh." " Plenty of gas?" " Uh-huh." "Mmm." "Breath." "How's your breath?" "[Sniffs]" "It's fine." "I had some Altoids." "All right, I think you're all set." "So just go clean the pipes, and it's a go." "Huh?" "You know, clean the pipes." "What do you mean, clean the pipes?" "You choke the chicken... before any big date, don't you?" "Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date." "Oh, my God." "He doesn't flog the dolphin... before a big date." "Are you crazy?" "That's like going out there with a loaded gun." "Of course that's why you're nervous." "Oh, my dear friend, please sit." "Please." "Uhh, look, um... after you've had sex with a girl... and you're lying in bed with her... are you nervous?" "No." "No, you're not." "Why?" "'Cause I'm tired." "Ehh!" "Wrong!" "It's 'cause you ain't got the baby batter... on the brain anymore." "Jesus, that stuff will fuck your head up." "Oh." "Look... the most honest moment in a man's life... are the few minutes after he's blown his load." "Now, that is a medical fact... and the reason for it... is that you're no longer trying to get laid." "You're actually..." "You're thinking like a girl... and girls love that." "Holy shit." "I've been going out with a loaded gun." "Ohh." "People get hurt that way." "[Whistling]" "Ohh!" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Healy, how..." "how smashing to see you." "You're dead, motherfucker." "Ok, take it easy." "Who the fuck do you think you are... making that shit up about me?" "It's that stalker Ted." "He got ahold of you, didn't he?" "You're working for him, aren't you, you little shit?" "Who?" "[Bones Crack]" "Uhh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "[Crying]" "Keep the change." "Yeah!" "Oh." "Where the..." "Hell did it go?" "[Knock On Door]" "Uh, hang on." "Wait a second." "Hey." "Hello." "How you doing?" "Good." "How are you?" " Good." " Good." "You are looking very beautiful." "Thank you." "What is that?" "Hmm?" "On your ear." "Ear?" "No, your left ear." "Is that..." "Is that hair gel?" "Yeah." "Great." "I could use some." "No." "You don't have to." "You don't..." "I just ran out." "Huh huh." "How we doing over here?" "Ted:" "Ok." "Little more wine?" "Sure." "So..." "So when you say, um... killer, you mean..." "He's a murderer." "Yeah." "Like an actual convicted murderer?" "He killed people." "I know." "It's crazy." "And, uh, what?" "Did he ever go to jail?" "Yeah." "In Boston." "He spent I don't know how long, but..." "And he just got out?" "Well, it's obviously..." "the system sucks." "The guy's walking the streets." "I'm kissing him." "Right." "But you didn't do anything... else, right?" "What?" "I mean, you didn't..." "No." "No, no, no." "God, I couldn't live with myself." "I mean, I only went out with him a couple of times... but, you know, it's like, just the thought of that..." "How the hell did you meet Mary?" "It was just dumb luck, really." "I delivered a pie to her one night... and she answered the door in her nightgown and, whoa." "That was it for me." "I went home that night, shaved my beard... and a week later, I'm laid out in her office... with a broken back." "Broken back?" "How'd you do that?" "A friend." "Baseball bat." "Ah." "Touche." "Do you want another one?" "Uh, sure." "Yeah." "Hey, Docky." "Couple more nitrate-sicles, please." "2 corn dogs coming up." "I don't think that they have enough meats on sticks." "No, seriously." "If you think about it... they have plenty of sweets, right?" "They have lollipops, they have fudgesicles... they have popsicles... but they don't have any other meat on sticks." "Yes, you don't see that many meats on sticks." "No, absolutely not." "You know what I'd like to see?" "I'd like to see more meats in a cone." "You don't hardly ever see that." "That's an idea I think is waiting to pop." "Just like a nice, big, oversized waffle cone... stuffed full of..." "Both:" "Chopped liver." "Exactly." "It's too bad you don't live here, Ted." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "We have a lot in common." "Well, you know, maybe, um... have you ever thought about, uh... maybe moving back up to Rhode Island?" "I thought about it, but I got too much... of a good thing going on here." "I got a great practice, like the people I work with..." "Warren." "Maybe you should just, like, move down here and marry me." "So you're a writer." "Yeah, well, I'm trying to be." "Well, the good thing about writing... is you can do it anywhere." "That's true." "How about you?" "How did you manage to stay single all these years?" "Well, I'm bisexual... so that's hard for a lot of guys to understand." "Well..." "You gonna smoke that?" "You know, I read somewhere that most women are..." "If you really ask them honestly... have tendencies towards..." "I mean, everybody has a bit of..." "Ted, I'm fucking with you." "Yeah." "Stalking motherfucker." "Healy:" "I know." "It sickens me." "Actually, I did almost get married once." "Mm-hmm." "What happened?" "Well, he was a really great guy." "Mm-hmm." "He lived up north, and, uh..." "Come on, let's go." "[Whispering] Here you go." "Wait." "How many is this?" "4." "4?" "That seems like an awful lot of speed... to give one little pooch." "Are you sure it won't kill him?" "I never said that." "Hey." "Flowers are for you." "Ball is for Warren." "Had a friend Fed-Ex it from Boston." "Signed by Tony..." "Conigliaro." "Did you hire Pat Healy to spy on me?" "Did you hire Pat Healy to spy on me?" "What?" "What are you talking about?" "I got an anonymous letter." "It's not true, right, Ted?" "Well, it's... it's..." "It's an interesting thing that happened." "I, um..." "Yeah, it's true, but it's... but it's not..." "Ok." "Get out." "Mary, wait." "First of all..." "I didn't know that this guy was..." "What?" "That he was a murderer?" "Uh, that, yeah... and in addition to many other things." "I didn't know anything about the guy." "I hardly know him." "How could you do that, Ted?" "How could you have some guy you don't even know... spy on me?" "What were you trying to do?" "Trick me into feeling something for you?" "No." "I didn't..." "I didn't want to trick you." "Just leave." "Ok?" "Mary." "Go." "I did it because I never stopped thinking about you." "And if I didn't find you, I knew that my life... would never, ever be good again." "*She said, don't worry, baby *" "*I'll do my own crying *" "*I'm a big girl now *" "[Door Closes]" "*Now I'm gonna be ok *" "* Yes, I'll find a new way *" "* Oflivin'*" "* You know I will *" "*And you lie there *" "* Without sleeping'*" "*And you stare *" "*At your walls *" "*And you realize *" "Hello." "What are..." "What are you doing here?" "Did you get my letter, Mar?" "The one about Ted?" "Y-You sent that?" "Mm-hmm." "I was worried about you." "Woogie, you know you're not supposed to be... within 400 yards of me." "Oh, I know." "I do, in fact." "That's..." "That's what I really wanted to talk to you about." "You know that I have actually been through... 9 years of intensive psychotherapy... and you know something?" "You were absolutely right." "I needed help." "That's great, Woogie." "I mean, I'm glad you're doing better." "You..." "You look..." "You look good." "Thank you." "Except for the rash thing's still there, right?" "Yes." "You noticed, huh?" "These are called love blisters." "They went away for a little while... but then you came back in my life, milady, huh?" "Ha ha ha." "Woogie..." "I did not come back into your life, ok?" "I don't even know how you found me." "Let's not forget here... you put me through a lot ofbullshit, ok?" "I had to change my name." "I had to go to court." "I moved!" "I mean, you stole all of my shoes!" "What?" "!" "What are you talking about?" "!" "Woogie, I caught you red-handed!" "I was in a weird place, then, Mary." "[Crying] Come on." "Ok?" "Come on." "Gimme..." "Gimme a break here, ok?" "I was a little..." "a little nuts... a little... [Jabbers] But I'm fine." "Woogie... you're starting to make me a little nervous." "Ooh!" "I'm making you feel nervous." "Nervous..." "What's that?" "I don't know anything about nervous." "Ehhh!" "Jeez." "You ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?" "Hmm?" "Woogie, I'm asking you to leave." "No, Mary..." "No, Mary, you got this all wrong." "I'm not going anywhere." "Mm-mmm." "Until I get something to remember you by." "Aah!" "[Mary And Woogie Arguing]" "Mary:" "Stop it.!" "Stop.!" "Just one pair!" "You owe me that, you heartless bitch!" "Huh?" "Whoa!" "What the..." "Hey!" "Oh..." "Dom?" "You're pathetic." "Tucker... what happened to your crutches?" "[English Accent] Uh, well, uh, yeah..." "That's a very good query, Mary." "Well done." "Come on.!" "Tell her the truth, pizza boy." "Um..." "[Sighs]" "[Without Accent] Name's Norm." "I live with my folks up in Pompano." "Hey." "Oh, man!" "This is like group therapy or somethin'!" "Dom!" "What are you doin' here?" "You stole her from me, and now I want her back." "I stole her from you?" "What are you..." "What are you talkin' about?" "Mm-hmm." "Woogie!" "How many times did I tell you this at Princeton?" "Woogie?" "Ted and I had one date." "You and I were already broken up!" "You're Woogie?" "Dom Wooganowski." "But... you're married." "You have a wife, beautiful kids." "Ted, if you love 'em so much, please, be my guest." "All right, what the hell is going on in here?" "Can someone explain it to me?" "Um, look, we're... we're all in love with Mary." "Oh, God." "If I may, I have a proposal." "I say none of us leaves this room... till our young Mary here... stops jerkin' us around... and decides, once and for all... who she really wants." "Now, Mary, I know this is tough... but you really will be doing them all... a great favor... to tell them the truth about us." "Are you crazy?" "What makes you think I would pick you, anyhow?" "You're a murderer!" "Uh..." "Well, I, uh, I may have been blowin' a little smoke up your ass there, Mary." "Sorry." "Whoa.!" "Whoa-ho.!" "Whoa-ho-ho.!" "Touchdown!" "Hi, Mary." "Brett?" "What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?" "I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumbass." "Yeah, I called him, Mary." "I told him to pick up Warren... and get down here." "See, your friend Tucker was lying... about a couple of other things." "Brett never said those bad things about Warren." "He loves Warren." "And from what he told me on the phone just now... he loves you, too." "He's the guy you should be with." "Oh... [Scoffs]..." "God." "That's right, Mary." "You know I'll always be true to you." "Oh, shit!" "This isn't fair." "Jesus!" "You know, I feel like an idiot." "See, I realized something' today." "I'm no better than any of these guys." "I mean, none of them love you, really." "They're just..." "They're just... fixated on you, because of how... you make them feel about themselves." "I mean, that's not real love." "That's... [sighs]" "I don't know what that is." "Please!" "Mary, don't listen to him!" "This is just... another one of his stupid little ploys." "You know, Stroehmann, you are so full of shit!" "Yeah, you're the biggest stalker of us all, man!" "You're gonna stand here and tell me... that you're not nuts about this girl?" "Yeah, that's what I'm tellin' you." "Oh!" "Hey, good luck, Brett." "Yeah." "Thank you." "She's a great gal." "Take care of her." "I'll, uh, see you, Mary." "Bye, Ted." "Hey, Warren, see ya later." "Ok." "Good-bye, Ted." "Warren:" "Good-bye." "God." "Mary, I've missed you." "Hey, uh, Brett." "What are the chances I could get you... to give me a little autograph on this pump here, huh?" "Somethin' nice for the wife and kids." "What?" "!" "Ah, shut up." "Cock tease." "[Sobbing]" "[Alternative Guitar Rock Plays]" "* Well, she's back with her old boyfriend *" "* He don't challenge her *" "* He don't contend with her *" "* And she don't answer the cards you send *" "* And you're jealous of the time *" "* That he spend with her *" "*Just let her go into the darkness *" "*Let her live for all the things there *" "*Let her go into the darkness *" "*Let her go, let her go, let her go *" "Mary:" "Ted.!" "Mary?" "Ted!" "Mary!" "Ted!" "You forgot your keys." "Did you really mean what you said up there?" "Uh-huh." "I just want you to be happy, Mary." "But I'd be happiest with you." "You're fuckin' with me, right?" "What... what about..." "Brett Fav... re?" "What did I tell you the first time we met?" "I'm a Niners fan." "Heh." "*His friends would say stop whinin'*" "* They've had enough of that *" "*His friends would say stop pining'*" "* There's other girls to look at *" "* They've tried to set him up *" "* With Tiffany and Indigo *" "* But there's somethin' about Mary *" "* That they don't know... *" "What are you doing?" "That's my girl he's kissin'." "But you just slept with me.!" "I was only boning' you to get to Mary." " Aaah.!" " [Gunshot]" "Aaah.!" "[Crying]" "[Drumsticks Clattering]" "And a one... 2, 3, 4!" "5, 6, 7, 8!" "[Build Me Up, Buttercup Plays]" "* Why do you build me up *" "*Build me up *" "*Buttercup, baby, just to let me down *" "*Let me down *" "*And mess me around, and then worst of all *" "* Worst of all *" "* You never call, baby *" "* When you say you will *" "*Say you will *" "*But I love you, still *" "*I need you *" "*I need you *" "*More than anyone, darlin'*" "* You know that I have from the start *" "*So build me up *" "*Build me up *" "*Buttercup, don't break my heart *" "*I'll be over at 10:00, ya told me time and again *" "*But you're late *" "*I wait around and then *" "*I went to the door, I can't take any more *" "*It's not you *" "* You let me down again *" "*Hey, hey, hey *" "*Baby, baby, try to find *" "*Hey, hey, hey *" "*A little time, and I'll make you mine *" "*I'll be home, I'll be beside the phone *" "* Waiting for you *" "* Ooh, ooh *" "* Ooh, ooh *" "* Why do you build me up *" "*Build me up *" "*Buttercup, baby, just to let me down *" "*Let me down *" "*And mess me around, and then worst of all *" "* Worst of all *" "* You never call, baby, when you say you will *" "*Say you will *" "*But I love you, still *" "*I need you *" "*I need you *" "*More than anyone, darlin'*" "* You know that I have from the start *" "*So build me up *" "*Build me up *" "*Buttercup, don't break my heart *" "* To you I'm a toy, but I could be the boy *" "* You adore * *lf you'd just let me know *" "*Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you *" "*All the more *" "* Why do I need ya so?" "*" "*Hey, hey, hey *" "*Baby, baby, try to find *" "*Hey, hey, hey *" "*A little time, and I'll make you happy *" "*I'll be home, I'll be beside the phone *" "* Waiting for you *" "* Ooh, ooh *" "* Ooh, ooh *" "* Why do you build me up *" "*Build me up *" "*Buttercup, baby, just to let me down *" "*Let me down *" "*And mess me around, and then worst of all *" "* Worst of all *" "* You never call, baby, when you say you will *" "*Say you will *" "*But I love you, still *" "*I need you *" "*I need you *" "*More than anyone, darlin'*" "* You know that I have from the start *" "*So build me up *" "*Build me up *" "*Buttercup, don't break my heart * *l-l-I need you *" "*More than anyone, baby... *" "[Talking And Laughing]" "[New Song Begins]" "* You found me *" "* When I wasn't lookin'*" "* One kiss *" "*Right between the eyes *" "*A stranger *" "*I feel I've known my whole life *" "* You held me *" "* Up to the sky *" "* Oh, oh *" "*It's the way you look *" "*And the way you walk *" "*It's the way you touch me *" "*And the way you say nothin'*" "*It's the way you look *" "*And the way you walk *" "*It's the way you touch me *" "*And the way you say nothin'at all *" "* Take me *" "*Down to the river *" "*And drown me *" "*Drown me in your love *" "*I'm breathin'*" "*Breathin'underwater *" "* You're floatin'*" "*Floatin'up above *" "* Oh, oh *" "*It's the way you look *" "*And the way you walk *" "*It's the way you touch me *" "*And the way you say nothin'*" "*It's the way you look *" "*And the way you walk *" "*It's the way you touch me *" "*And the way you say nothin'at all *" "*It's the way you look *" "*And the way you walk *" "*It's the way you touch me *" "*And the way you say nothin'*" "*It's the way you look *" "*And the way you walk *" "*It's the way you touch me *" "*And the way you say nothin'*" "*It's the way you look *" "*And the way you walk *" "*It's the way you touch me *" "*And the way you say nothin'*" "*It's the way you look *" "*And the way you walk *" "*It's the way you touch me *"