"CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY COLUMBIA TRISTAR DOMESTIC TELEVISION" "SHE THOUGHT THAT I CUT HER OFF." "SHE PULLS UP ALONGSIDE OF ME..." "GIVES ME THE FINGER." "IT SEEMS LIKE SUCH AN ARBITRARY," "RIDICULOUS THING" "TO JUST PICK A FINGER," "AND YOU SHOW IT TO THE PERSON." "IT'S A FINGER." "WHAT DOES IT MEAN?" "SOMEONE SHOWS ME ONE OF THEIR FINGERS," "AND I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL BAD." "IS THAT THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK?" "YOU COULD GIVE SOMEONE THE TOE, COULDN'T YOU?" "I WOULD FEEL WORSE IF I GOT THE TOE" "THAN IF I GOT THE FINGER." "IT'S NOT EASY TO GIVE SOMEONE THE TOE." "YOU GOT TO GET THE SHOE AND SOCK OFF" "AND DRIVE, GET IT UP IN THE" "LOOK AT THAT TOE, BUDDY." "THAT'S REALLY INSULTING-- TO GET THE TOE, ISN'T IT?" "I'VE GOT THE Q-Tips, THE MINI-UMBRELLA," "SOMETHING BORING TO READ ON THE PLANE." "THAT'S IT." "DONE." "THAT'S THE SINGLE GREATEST PACKING PERFORMANCE" "I HAVE EVER SEEN." "I AM..." "THE MASTER PACKER." "YEAH, RIGHT." "YOU'RE THE MASTER PACKER." "WHAT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, ELAINE," "PACKING IS NO DIFFERENT THAN LEADING MEN INTO BATTLE." "YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW THE STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES" "OF EVERY SOLDIER IN THAT PLATOON," "FROM A COLLAPSIBLE TOOTHBRUSH" "TO A PAIR OF ORDINARY BLACK SOCKS." "EXCUSE ME, MASTER PACKER?" "YES?" "JUST GIVE ME YOUR KEYS." "ALL RIGHT, SIR." "[BUZZER]" "GEORGE?" "YEAH." "OK, SO, NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE" "I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS PLACE?" "YEAH." "THE HOT WATER TAKES A WHILE TO COME ON." "THE BEST THING TO DO IS TO TURN IT ON," "DO ALL YOUR SHOPPING," "COME BACK, AND TAKE A SHOWER." "OK." "THIS IS QUITE A PLACE." "THERE'S MORE." "THE REFRIGERATOR." "DEDUCT A MINIMUM OF TWO DAYS" "OFF ALL EXPIRATION DATES." "NO MEAT, NO LEFTOVERS, NO BUTTER," "AND I CANNOT OVERSTATE THIS" "NO SOFT CHEESES OF ANY KIND." "IS THAT CLEAR?" "I'LL EAT OUT." "AND ONE MORE THING, BENES..." "REGARDING SEXUAL ACTIVITY" "STRICTLY PROHIBITED, BUT IF YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST," "DO US ALL A FAVOR," "DO IT IN THE TUB." "YOU READY?" "YEAH." "ONE SECOND." "HEY, ELAINE." "HI." "YOU COMING TO THE AIRPORT?" "I'M STAYING HERE." "I NEED A BREAK FROM MY ROOMMATE." "OH, THE ACTRESS/WAITRESS." "NO." "THE WAITRESS/ACTRESS." "SHE JUST GOT SOME PART" "IN SOME DINNER THEATER PRODUCTION OF A CHORUS LINE." "ALL DAY LONG SHE'S WALKING" "AROUND THE APARTMENT SINGING," "¶ GOD, I HOPE I GET IT ¶" "¶ I HOPE I GET IT ¶" "SHE'S GOING TO GET IT, RIGHT IN THE" "WHY DON'T YOU JUST KICK HER OUT?" "SHE'S ON THE LEASE." "GEORGE, YOU'VE GOT TO FIND ANOTHER PLACE FOR ME." "WELL, A LITTLE ROUGH FINDING SOMETHING GOOD" "IN YOUR PRICE RANGE," "BUT YOU, MY FRIEND, MAY BE IN LUCK." "I'M NOT LOOKING." "THIS ONE'S DIFFERENT." "IT'S A BEAUTY." "WHAT'S IT LIKE?" "I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET," "BUT IT'S A TWO-BEDROOM." "IT'S OFF WEST 83rd, ABOUT A HALF-BLOCK FROM THE PARK." "HOW MUCH?" "TWICE WHAT YOU'RE PAYING HERE," "BUT IT'S A GREAT BUILDING." "IT'S TWO BEDROOMS." "WHY DO I NEED TWO BEDROOMS?" "I'VE GOT ENOUGH TROUBLE MAINTAINING ACTIVITY IN ONE." "I SAW THAT." "YOU OUGHT TO AT LEAST LOOK AT IT." "REALLY?" "WHY?" "THEN I COULD MOVE IN HERE." "AHH!" "IT'S TIME YOU GOT OUT OF HERE ANYWAY." "YEAH, TELL HIM, BUT QUICKLY." "I'M DOUBLE-PARKED HERE." "JERRY, THIS PLACE IS FALLING APART." "YOU HAVE NO HOT WATER," "YOU CAN'T HAVE SOFT CHEESE." "AND LET'S NOT FORGET THE RADIATOR." "STEAM'S BEEN ON FOR TEN YEARS." "NO HUMAN CAN TURN THIS OFF." "JERRY, COME ON." "YOU'RE DOING OK NOW." "YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PLACE." "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS." "YOU JUST SAID YOU WANTED TO LIVE HERE." "FOR ME IT'S A STEP UP," "LIKE MOVING FROM ICELAND TO FINLAND." "DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE PLACE?" "I CAN'T THINK ABOUT IT." "I'M GOING TO MINNEAPOLIS." "I GOT FOUR SHOWS THIS WEEKEND." "OH." "ELAINE?" "UHH." "ELAINE?" "JERRY?" "JER--OH, HI." "WELCOME BACK." "HOW WERE THE SHOWS?" "GREAT." "I HAD FUN." "WHERE'S THE TV AND VCR?" "WHAT?" "THEY WERE STOLEN." "STOLEN?" "WHEN?" "A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO." "THE POLICE ARE COMING RIGHT OVER." "STOLEN?" "SOMEONE LEFT THE DOOR OPEN." "OH, YEAH, UH..." "YOU LEFT THE DOOR OPEN?" "OH..." "WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS COOKING," "AND I CAME IN TO GET THE SPATULA." "I LEFT THE DOOR OPEN." "I WAS GOING TO BRING THE SPATULA RIGHT BACK." "YOU LEFT THE LOCK OPEN, OR THE DOOR OPEN?" "THE DOOR." "THE DOOR?" "YOU LEFT THE DOOR OPEN?" "I WAS GOING TO BRING THE SPATULA RIGHT BACK." "YEAH, AND?" "WELL, I GOT CAUGHT UP WATCHING A SOAP OPERA." "THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL." "SO THE DOOR WAS WIDE OPEN." "WIDE OPEN!" "EXCUSE ME." "AND WHERE WERE YOU?" "I WAS AT BLOOMINGDALE'S," "WAITING FOR THE SHOWER TO HEAT UP." "LOOK, JERRY, I'M SORRY." "YOU HAVE INSURANCE, RIGHT, BUDDY?" "NO." "HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE INSURANCE?" "BECAUSE I SPENT MY MONEY ON THE CLAPCO D-29." "IT'S THE MOST IMPENETRABLE LOCK" "ON THE MARKET TODAY." "IT HAS ONLY ONE DESIGN FLAW." "THE DOOR..." "MUST BE CLOSED!" "JERRY, I'M GOING TO FIND YOUR STUFF." "I'M GOING TO SOLVE IT." "I'M ON THE CASE, BUDDY." "DON'T INVESTIGATE." "DON'T PAY ME BACK." "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT." "I MADE A MISTAKE." "THESE THINGS HAPPEN." "I'M HUMAN." "IN YOUR WAY." "THAT'S ONE TV, STEREO," "ONE LEATHER JACKET, VCR, AND COMPUTER." "IS THAT ABOUT IT?" "THE ANSWERING MACHINE." "ANSWERING MACHINE." "I HATE THE IDEA" "OF SOMEBODY OUT THERE RETURNING MY CALLS." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" "IT'S A JOKE." "I SEE." "MR. SEINFELD, WE'LL LOOK INTO IT." "WE'LL LET YOU KNOW IF WE FIND ANYTHING." "DO YOU EVER FIND ANYTHING?" "NO." "WELL, THANKS ANYWAY." "YOU BET." "I DIDN'T GET THAT JOKE EITHER." "THE CROOK HAS THE MACHINE." "THE MESSAGES AREN'T FOR HIM," "HE'S THE CROOK." "WHY WOULD HE ANSWER" "HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?" "I WALKED IN." "YOUR LOBBY DOOR IS BROKEN AGAIN." "AGAIN?" "I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU PUT UP WITH THIS." "YEAH." "TELL HIM, GEORGE." "YOU WOULD STILL WANT TO MOVE IN HERE?" "YES." "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND." "I'M LIVING WITH ETHEL MERMAN WITHOUT THE TALENT." "IS THAT, UH..." "OTHER APARTMENT STILL AVAILABLE?" "OH." "THIS IS AN APARTMENT." "THIS IS A HOME." "THIS IS A PLACE TO LIVE." "AHH!" "A FIREPLACE!" "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" "DOES THIS WORK?" "I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A FIREPLACE." "HOW DO YOU GET WOOD IN HERE?" "THEY DELIVER." "THEY DELIVER WOOD?" "YEAH." "WHAT DO YOU TIP A WOOD GUY?" "I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A FIREPLACE." "LOOK." "LOOK AT THIS." "THERE'S A GARDEN." "A GARDEN?" "I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S A GARDEN." "WOULD I NEED A GARDENER?" "YOU CAN GET ONE." "YOU TIP HIM?" "YOU CAN." "YOU DON'T TIP A GARDENER." "YOU CAN TIP A GARDENER." "YOU DON'T NEED A GARDENER." "YOU CAN BARBECUE BACK HERE." "THEY DELIVER THE COAL?" "SURE." "IT'S PROBABLY THE SAME GUY" "WHO DELIVERS THE WOOD." "OH, THEN I GOT TO TIP HIM." "OH, MAN, THIS PLACE IS INCREDIBLE." "LOOK AT ALL THIS GREAT LIGHT." "I DON'T HAVE PLANTS." "I HAVE PLANTS." "JERRY, LOOK AT THIS CLOSET." "LOOK AT THIS." "I'M WALKING IN IT." "IT'S A WALK-IN." "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?" "WHAT DO YOU THINK?" "I LIKE THAT." "WHAT DO YOU THINK, GEORGE?" "IT'S YOUR DECISION." "I'M TAKING IT." "I'M GOING TO TAKE IT." "THIS IS GOING TO BE MY NEW PLACE." "I'M MOVING." "YOU'RE MOVING." "THAT MEANS I'M MOVING." "OH!" "GEE, IS THAT INCREDIBLE?" "CONGRATULATIONS." "WHAT ABOUT THE COUCH?" "YOU LIKE THE COUCH?" "TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO." "YOU'RE MOVING IN, YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND," "I WANT YOU TO START OFF RIGHT." "GIVE ME... $150." "GET IT OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW." "EXCUSE ME." "$150?" "$150 FOR WHAT?" "FOR THIS COUCH?" "YEAH." "FOR THIS COUCH?" "OK, YOU TELL ME." "WHAT IS IT WORTH?" "OK, UH..." "I TELL YOU WHAT..." "I COULD GO AS HIGH AS, UH..." "I DON'T KNOW." "MAYBE... $20?" "[BUZZER]" "YEAH?" "IT'S GEORGE." "COME ON UP." "FORGET IT." "I'LL TAKE IT WITH ME THEN." "I'LL PACK UP THE CUSHIONS." "OK." "YOU WIN. $40." "WANT TO HELP ME GET IT IN THE HALL?" "$50, OK?" "$50?" "$50?" "MM-HMM." "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?" "I JUST BOUGHT JERRY'S COUCH FOR $50." "DID YOU BRING THE LEASE?" "WELL, ALL RIGHT." "GEE, THREE YEARS." "THAT SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME." "JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY," "IF YOU'RE FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE" "ABOUT THIS AT ALL, AT ALL," "DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT." "WHY?" "IF YOU'RE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS," "IF YOU DIDN'T WANT IT," "DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT" "BECAUSE, UH, YOU KNOW, I-I..." "I COULD TAKE IT." "YOU COULD TAKE IT?" "YOU WANT IT?" "NO." "I WANT IT IF YOU DON'T WANT IT." "SO YOU DO WANT IT." "NO, I WANT IT IF YOU DON'T WANT IT." "YOU JUST SAID YOU WANTED IT." "I'M SAYING IF A SITUATION AROSE" "IN WHICH YOU DIDN'T WANT IT," "I MIGHT TAKE IT." "SO TAKE IT." "HOW CAN I?" "HOW CAN I?" "IT'S YOUR APARTMENT." "HOW CAN I WANT IT NOW IF YOU WANT IT?" "EXCUSE ME." "I DON'T MEAN TO CAUSE TROUBLE," "BUT, GEORGE, IF YOU TAKE IT," "CAN I TAKE YOUR PLACE?" "YES, BUT I AM NOT TAKING IT." "I AM NOT TAKING IT." "ONE OF YOU BETTER TAKE IT." "WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, THEN?" "I DON'T KNOW." "YOU WANT TO FLIP A COIN?" "WHO FLIPS?" "YOU FLIP, I'LL CALL." "OK." "FINE." "THIS IS THE OFFICIAL FLIP." "NO CRYING, NO GUILT." "WINNER TAKES ALL, AND THAT'S IT." "AGREED?" "I'M GOOD." "I DON'T KNOW WHO TO ROOT FOR." "GEORGE'S PLACE HAS CARPETING." "ALL RIGHT." "YOU CALL IT IN THE AIR." "NO CATCHING." "NO, NO." "HEADS!" "TAILS." "IT HIT THE TABLE." "SO WHAT?" "INTERFERENCE." "YOU CAN'T COUNT THAT." "ARE YOU CRAZY?" "THE COIN CANNOT TOUCH ANYTHING." "IT AFFECTS IT." "YOU DIDN'T CALL "NO INTERFERENCE."" "YOU DON'T HAVE TO." "THAT'S A RULE!" "I DON'T BELIEVE THIS." "OH!" "OH!" "ALL RIGHT." "FINE, JERRY." "YOU WIN." "TAKE IT." "JUST TAKE IT." "I DON'T WANT TO WIN IT LIKE THIS." "ELAINE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?" "I BETTER NOT." "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL CHOOSE YOU FOR IT." "STRAIGHT CHOOSE, THREE TAKES IT." "NO DISPUTES." "THAT'S IT." "YOU GOT TO WIN THREE." "OK." "OK." "I'LL CHOOSE YOU." "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "ODDS." "I WANT EVENS." "GOOD." "YOU GOT ODDS." "YOU GOT EVENS." "READY." "FOR THE APARTMENT." "ONCE, TWICE, THREE-- SHOOT!" "MINE." "MINE!" "ONCE, TWICE, THREE-- SHOOT!" "MINE!" "ONCE, TWICE, THREE-- SHOOT!" "CONGRATULATIONS." "CONGRATULATIONS." "THANKS." "WHY DID I PUT OUT TWO?" "WHY DID I PUT OUT TWO?" "JERRY?" "I THINK I'M ONTO SOMETHING." "I THINK I FOUND YOUR STUFF." "YOU KNOW THE ENGLISHMAN WHO LIVES DOWN THE HALL?" "LATELY, HE'S BEEN ACTING STRANGE." "I THINK HE'S AVOIDING ME." "HARD TO IMAGINE." "YEAH, AND GET THIS" "I JUST GOT OFF THE ELEVATOR WITH HIM," "AND I TESTED HIM." "I WAS LIKE THIS, I WENT" ""BY THE WAY, I KNOW ABOUT THE STUFF."" "VERY CASUAL SO HE'LL TAKE ME INTO HIS CONFIDENCE." "WHAT DID HE SAY?" ""WHAT STUFF?"" "OH!" "CASE CLOSED." "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND." "HE SWALLOWED." "SEE, THE GUY-- HE SWALLOWED." "OH, HE WAS NERVOUS ABOUT SOMETHING." "I'M GOING TO GO OVER THERE" "AND BORROW SOME TEA." "IF I DON'T GET BACK IN FIVE MINUTES," "YOU BETTER CALL THE POLICE." "OK." "STARTING NOW!" "OK." "I LOVE THE MIRROR IN THAT BATHROOM." "I LOOK TERRIFIC IN IT." "I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THE TILE OR THE LIGHTING." "I FEEL LIKE ROBERT WAGNER IN THERE." "IT'S A GOOD MIRROR." "SO, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING?" "I DON'T KNOW." "YOU CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING ANYMORE." "LOOK AT THIS." "EGGS--OUT." "COFFEE--OUT." "FRENCH FRIES--OUT." "BLT--OUT." "I GO TO VISIT MY GRANDPARENTS." "THEY'RE EATING BIG BRISKET SANDWICHES." "I'M SITTING THERE WITH A CARROT." "THEY'RE CLOSING IN ON 100." "I'M SAYING, "HOW CAN YOU EAT THAT?"" "I'M SO SICK ABOUT LOSING THAT CHOOSE." "YOU DON'T KNOW." "I" "ALL RIGHT." "FORGET IT." "I'M NOT TAKING THE PLACE." "WHAT?" "HOW CAN I LIVE THERE?" "YOU'RE STILL THINKING ABOUT IT." "I'LL NEVER FEEL COMFORTABLE." "HOW CAN I HAVE YOU OVER?" "YOU'LL SIT THERE MOPING." "I WON'T MOPE." "YOU'RE ALREADY MOPING." "WOULD YOU TAKE IT?" "NO." "IMPOSSIBLE." "IT'S YOUR APARTMENT." "YOU FOUND THE PLACE." "YOU WON THE CHOOSE." "ALL RIGHT." "FORGET IT." "I'M NOT MOVING." "WELL, ME NEITHER." "DEFINITELY?" "DEFINITELY." "THEN JUST GET RID OF IT." "YOU WON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM." "IT'S NOT A PROBLEM." "I CAN GET RID OF THE APARTMENT THIS AFTERNOON." "WHAT APARTMENT?" "IT'S A GREAT PLACE." "IT'S A TWO-BEDROOM, WEST 83rd, NEAR THE PARK." "WHAT'S THE RENT?" "I HATE HOUSEWARMINGS." "WHY ARE WE EVEN HERE?" "SHE WANTED TO THANK US FOR THE APARTMENT." "I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST THE DEPOSIT" "ON THAT U-HAUL," "AND I THREW OUT MY COUCH." "IF ONLY THE COIN HADN'T HIT THE TABLE." "THE TABLE'S INTERFERENCE." "YOU KNOW IT." "IT IS NOT." "IT IS, TOO." "MY ROOMMATE STARTS REHEARSAL TONIGHT" "ON CAROUSEL." "HI." "OH, HI." "I WANTED TO INTRODUCE YOU" "TO MY HUSBAND." "THIS IS LARRY." "THIS IS GEORGE, ELAINE, AND JERRY." "THESE ARE THE GUYS WHO GOT US THE APARTMENT." "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GRATEFUL I AM." "WE'RE JUST SO THRILLED WITH THIS PLACE." "IT'S A DREAM." "I'M RUNNING IN THE PARK." "I'VE LOST WEIGHT." "WE'RE BARBECUING EVERY NIGHT," "AND THE RENT IS UNBELIEVABLE." "WE'RE REALLY GLAD FOR YOU." "COULDN'T BE HAPPIER." "IT'S WONDERFUL." "OH, DIANE." "DIANE, COME HERE." "THIS IS MY NEW NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR DIANE." "THESE ARE THE GUYS WHO TURNED THIS PLACE DOWN." "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?" "DIANE GAVE ME THE GREATEST BACK RUB TODAY." "SHE'S A MASSEUSE." "HOW COULD YOU GUYS HAVE TURNED THIS PLACE DOWN?" "IT'S SUCH A GREAT LOCATION." "IT'S SO CLOSE TO THE PARK." "WE'RE AWARE" "OF THE PROXIMITY TO THE PARK." "WELL, IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU." "NICE MEETING YOU." "HOW LATE ARE THE STORES OPEN?" "I'M THINKING OF MAYBE BUYING A NEW TV" "AND SMASHING IT OVER MY HEAD." "I GET A CALL FROM GILMORE THIS MORNING." "THEY'RE RESTRUCTURING THE ORGANIZATION" "IN ATLANTA." "I GOT TO BE THERE ON THE FIRST." "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THE APARTMENT?" "WHAT CAN I DO?" "I'LL GIVE IT UP." "WHAT'S THE RENT?" "CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY COLUMBIA TRISTAR DOMESTIC TELEVISION" "THOSE LAWS DON'T WORK IN THE ADULT WORLD." "ONE OF THE WAYS KIDS RESOLVE ANY DISPUTE" "IS BY CALLING IT." "ONE SAYS, "I GOT THE FRONT SEAT."" ""I WANTED IT." "I CALLED IT."" "THE OTHER KID KNOWS HE'S GOT NOTHING TO SAY." ""HE CALLED IT." "WHAT CAN I DO?"" "IF THERE WAS A KID COURT OF LAW," "IT HOLDS UP." ""YOUR HONOR, MY CLIENT ASKED FOR THE FRONT SEAT."" "AND THE JUDGE WOULD GO," ""DID HE CALL IT?"" ""NO, HE DIDN'T CALL IT."" "BANG." ""HE HAS TO CALL IT." "CASE CLOSED." "OBJECTION OVERRULED.""