"I hope these fucking showers are working this time." "I'm not bothered." "I'm not showering with you you cunt." "I'd catch something." "We'll put you in the showers with their team's winger" "You'll never get near enough to catch anything.." " I'll sort him out this time." " Make sure you do." "Hit him and hard." "That's the only way to stop that speedy, little cunt." "It's only a game." "There's no need to break his legs." "Hit him hard Boab." "Right." "He's a bummer." "Come on boys, Let's go!" "Fuck!" "Fuck!" " It's only a game." " Yes, only a fucking game!" "Come on!" "Two pints please, Pat." " How did it go?" " We won 2 - 1, and..." "I played the captain's part scoring the winner." "They weren't really very good." "When they had the ball, they didn't do anything with it." "Take advantage when you have the ball." " A good series of results." " We're hoping for promotion and the Tom Logan Memorial Trophy." "The goals have nets in the City Park." "That's really serious, understand?" "These cunts were arguing about everything." "It's not the same without nets." "Three more, Pat." "The ball must hit the back of the net." "That's real football." " An orange juice with lemon, Pat." " Of course." "We must make personnel changes for the progress of" "Granton Star Football Club F C" " Will you tell Boab Coyle he's dropped?" " I said I'll tell him." "I'm the captain, and the club comes first and friends second." "Boab will understand." "Of course." "It's not easy to say, but you aren't guaranteed a place in the team." "You aren't playing well." "We've got Tambo and Grantie now." "Our team is progressing." "Progressing?" "We're in Church's Division 3." "It's a kick about you pretentious cunt, a kick about!" " I understand that you're disappointed." " Disappointed?" "Really fucking disappointed." "Who washes his football kit nearly every week?" " Calm down and have another pint." " Stick your pint up your ass!" "What a friend you are!" "Fuck you!" "Fucking orange juice drinking cunt Tambo." "Only just joined the club." "Fresh orange and lemonade." "I'll show these cunts." "I'll get another club." "No fucking trouble at all." "It was a mile wide of the goal." "That referee was fucking blind." "Fucking bastards." "That's it." "Have a look at that." "That him now, Boab." "Yes, Doe, I'll tell him." "Hello, son." " I want to speak with you." " Yes?" " We don't want to get rid of you son." " That's enough." " Let me speak to the lad." " What's this about?" "The thing is, it's time you left this house." "You're 23 years old, too old to be staying with his parents." "I joined the navy when I was 17." "You don't want your mates to think you're a queer?" "Your mom and me aren't getting any younger." "We're entering a funny phase in our lives." "Perhaps a dangerous phase." "You mom and me need time to sort out our lives." "Time to..." "get together you understand." "You've got a girl, you understand." "Your problem is..." " It wasn't meant to be like this..." " It's not like nothing Doreen." "There's no bother, just father to son talk." "All I'm saying to the lad..." "All I'm saying, you're having your cake and who pays?" "I'll tell you." "Us fools, your ma and me." "I know it's not easy to find somewhere to stay but your ma and me will give you two weeks to find somewhere." "We can't afford you being here." "That's it." " Right." " We're not trying to get rid of you." "We both think it would be mutually advantageous to both parties if you found your own place." "Mutually advantageous to both parties." " Right." " Don't go now son." " Sit down and watch TV." " Let the lad go out." "He'll want to be with his mates or Evelyn, not watch TV with us." " Just playing with our new toy." " See you then." "Thank fuck for you darling" "Maybe we should get a place together." "Evelyn will like that." "Screw here every night." "Wake up to a blow job every morning." "Get the strip washed when I get another club." "Brilliant." " Eve, it's Boab." "Are you OK?" " Yes." " Fancy coming out?" " No." " Why not?" " I just don't." " But, why not?" " I just DON'T!" "I've had a bad day." "I need to talk." " Talk to your mates." " Don't be like that, Eve." "I've had a bad day." "What have I done?" " You know." " Eve?" " It's what you've not done." " But Eve." "Me and you." "I want a man who can do things for us." "Someone who can really make love to a woman" "Not a fat bastard who sits on his ass talking football drinking lager with his mates." "A real man, Boab." "A sexy man." "I'm 20 Boab." "20 and I'm not going to tie myself down to a slob." "What's wrong..." "Evelyn." "You and me..." "You were a stupid little girl before you met me, for fuck sake." "Well, that's changed, because I've met someone." "He's more of a fucking man than you'll ever be." " What?" "Who is the cunt?" " That's for you to find out." "How could you do this?" "It was always you and me." " An engagement." " I'm sorry Boab." "But I've known you ever since I was 16" "I might have known nothing of love then, but I do now." "You fucking slag." "You horrible fucker." " That's us finished Boab." " What are you saying?" "We're finished." "Final, Kaput, end of story." "Goodnight Vienna." "Eve..." "Eve I love you." "You slut, fucking slut." "Cunt... fucking... cunt." " What do we have tonight Brian?" " The very first..." "A guy who stabbed a boy in the shopping centre, and this comedian here" "I've had a little word with a rapist." "Seems a nice enough fellow." "Tells us the whore was asking for it." "The way of the world Brian." "As for the guy who stabbed the boy, silly little bugger." "Boys will be boys." "What about this one?" "Caught him smashing up a telephone box." "I want a word with you, cunt." "You know, it just shows the effectiveness of privatization policies." "The thing is, as a BT shareholder" "I feel I've got more at stake now, and I don't want some lumpen proletarian malcontent" "threatening my investment." "Bastard." "Michael O'Neil, moves in from the left." "Hits it straight to Jackson" "He lets it run." "And there's Harper" " You should have been there." " I had the fucking wedding." "I would have gone." "We had a game." "We won 2-1." " I played against a really fast winger." " Stupid." " Boab, the boss wants a word." " Rafferty?" " Did he say why?" " He won't tell me fucking anything." " Fat cunt." " Have you not got work to do?" " Mr. Rafferty." " Sit down Boab." "I'll come straight to the point." "It's all about price today." "All these cowboys with their lower costs." "They're hurting us." " What are you saying?" " I've got to cut costs." "Where can I cut costs?" "It can't be capital costs, it's got to be labour." "It's down to market positioning." "We've got to find our niche in the market." "And that is as a quality firm providing local news for the As, Bs and Cs." " So I'm sacked then?" " No, no, no, nooo." "It's your post that's been made redundant." "It's important to remember." "The person isn't made redundant, but the post." "You fucked this one up, you daft cunt." " What?" " You Bob Cayle." "No house, no job, no girls, no friends." "Police record, sore ribs." "How the fuck do you know my business." " What the fuck's it got to do with you?" " It's my business to know." " I'm God." " Go and fuck yourself." "Fucking hell, another wise cunt." "Robert Anthony Coyle, born 23rd July to Robert Coyle and Doreen Sharp." "Younger brother of Kathleen Shaw, Married to James Shaw" "They live at 21 Parkline Crescent and have a kid who is also called James." "You have a crescent shaped birth mark on your inner thigh." "You were working for furniture removals, lived at home, had a girl you couldn't satisfy and played football for Granton Star, like you make love." "Employing little effort." "And even less skill." "If you're God, why are you wasting time with the likes of me?" "Good question Boab... good question." "I means there's kids starving, on the TV." "If you're so good, sort all that out, instead of drinking with the likes of me" "Hold on a minute." "Let's get things straight." "Every time I come down here, some smart ass tells me what I should be doing." "Or enter into a philosophical discourse with a twat about the nature of myself." "The extent of my omnipotence and all that shit." "I'm getting a little fed up with all this self justification." "It's not for you to criticize me." "I gave you the place and made you cunts in my own image." "You sort it all out." "That cunt Nietzsche was wrong when he said that I was dead." "I'm not dead." " I just didn't give a fuck." " You're a fucking toss." " If I had your powers..." " You'd do what you do now, fuck all." "You've got to cut down on the pints of lager." " Yes but..." " No buts." "You've the power to get fit and make a contribution to the Granton Star cause." "You had the power to pay more attention to that girl of yours." "She was nice." " You could have done better there Boab." " Maybe I could and maybe not." "But what the fuck's it got to do with you?" "You had the power to get away from your Ma and Pa to give them some peace." "No." "Not selfish cunt Coyle." "Sits there watching TV soaps, whilst the poor cunts get frustrated." " It's not your business." " Everything is... my business." "That cunt Rafferty, you didn't even tell him to stick his job up his ass." " So what?" "So fucking what?" " So, you had the powers." "You just couldn't be bothered using them." "That's why you interest me." "You're just like me." "A lazy, slovenly, apathetic cunt." "I hate being like this." "But being immortal, I can't punish myself." "I can punish you though, mate." "And that's just what I intend to do." " But I..." " Shut it cunt." "I'm pissed off with all this repetitive shit." "Vengeance is mine and I intend to take it." "On my own lazy, selfish nature." "On the species that I created and their representative." "And that's you." "You just look like I always imagined." "That's because you've no imagination, you daft cunt." "You see me, and you hear me as you image me." " You're fucking claimed." " But I'm not the worst." "What about murderers, dictators, torturers, politicians, cunts that shove you in factories to keep their profits." "Or the greedy rich bastards." "Might sort them out." "Might not." "That's my fucking business." "You're claimed, cunt." "You're a slime ball, an insect." "That's in, an insect." "I'll make you look like the dirty, lazy pest that you are." "I'm off for a sleep." "Some fucking day this is." "Sorry about the other day, mate." "I don't give a fuck about the other day, about football" "About the Star or the fucking hard times." "I've just met God." "The cunt's going to turn me into an insect." "Right." "It would be easier that turning you into a football player." " I'm not joking, man." " You talk some real shit Boab." "That's it, an insect." "I'll make you look like the dirty, lazy pest that you are." "Ignition." "Lift off." "Boab?" "Is that really you?" "Fucking hell!" "What's his name." "Did God do this to you mate?" "What the fuck are you going to do man?" "Sorry Boab, sorry." "This is un-fucking-real, man." "Listen mate," "You're welcome to stay, but keep out of Julie's room, 'cos she hates flies." "Stay behind the curtains in the spare bedroom." "Right?" "And no spying on us when we're on the job, you dirty cunt." "Goodbye." "Keep fucking me Tambo." "Come here." "You are un-fucking-real." "So, you had the powers." "You just couldn't be bothered using them." "You had the power to pay more attention to that girl of yours." "She was nice." "That cunt Rafferty..." "You didn't even tell the cunt to stick his job up his ass." "You're just like me." "A dirty, lazy, slovenly cunt." "You had the power to get away from your Ma and Pa to give them some peace." "But no." "You're selfish cunt Coyle." "Keep pushing Doe, keep pushing." "I can take more." "I need more." "Herriot." "Brownlie." "Schedler." "I'm nearly up to the hilt already." "You're an awful man Boab Coyle." "Stanton." "Black." "Blackley." " The question, Doe, the question." " Tell us what it is?" "Tell us you fucking philandering bastard." "I won't talk." "Edwards." "O'Rourke." "Gordon." " Cropley." "Duncan." " Are you alright Boab?" "Mind your asthma, man." "The question Doe, The nipples." "You're killing the pain, Doreen." "Tell us Boab." "Tell us who you've been seeing." " Dolly Parton." " Who, I can't hear you?" " Dolly Parton." " That fucking slut?" "I knew it." "Who else." "Anna, Anna Ford." "And that Madonna, but just the once." "Come back, you dog dirt." "You dirty fucking prick." "You know what this means Boab?" "No..." "No Doreen." "Not a chance Doreen." "Not a shit." "Not a shit." "I cannot eat your shit." "I'm going to shit in your mouth Boab Coyle." "That's what we both want." "Don't deny it." "Don't shit in my mouth." "Shit in my mouth." "Shit in my mouth." "Shit." "That bloody fly." "You'll need to get that Boab." "It'll be our Kathy." "She'll pester us all night if I don't answer." "Don't go away." "Hiyya Kathy." "How are you love?" "Good, good, just fine." "Just the usual, you know us." "Your dad's fine." "How's the little one." "The little lamb." "And Jimmy?" "Good, good." "We're just sitting down to our tea, so I'll call you back in 30 minutes." "And we can have a proper talk." "OK love." "Yes, Right, Bye till later." "Bye." "Bloody fly." "Got you you swine." "Nice one Doreen." "That fly was a bigger pest than young Boab." "The question then Doreen." "The question." "Nipples." "The nipples." "Right." "You've got your name up there." "I might just die there." " Still playing the bandit then, Johnny?" " Yes." "Looks like it." "Not got enough money to get us a drink?" "I see you're in the family way again Catriona." "Hey mate, you're on." "Alright." "Good evening folks." "And now we ask Catriona and Johnny to come to the dance floor for their first dance." "The bride and groom." "It's a good thing Johnny's got married." "It keeps the Child Support Agency away." "See that stupid cunt Catriona" "She was right in there." "What did you just fucking say?" "Yes you." "What did you just fucking say?" "I didn't say nothing Alec." "I didn't say fuck all." "What?" "Just fucking pissed eh?" "Just talking fucking shit with the boys." "I was just saying..." "Just fucking saying are you?" "Well I'm just fucking well saying this" "And this..." "And this..." "And that." "That's what I'm just fucking saying." "So er..." "What are you just fucking saying now?" "Well done son." "This isn't a bad to today." "But there's something missing." "A wedding needs a good fight to make it go off right." "Tradition, eh, tradition." "Just leave it Johnny." "Right." "It's just Alec." "John it was no respect for you or my sister." "You're family now." "Anyone fucks with you, fucks with me." "Remember." "Anyone gets lippy with you, just remember that." "Right." "Come on then." " Alright, mate?" " Yes." "Are you moving into Mrs. Robertson's old house?" "What's it got to do with you?" "I'm your neighbour." "I live just below you." "D'you want a hand?" " Excuse me." "I'm Larry." " Johnny." "Johnny?" "Nice one Johnny." " Here?" " What?" "I gave you £20 so you could go out and get away from the baby." " See, I'm not moaning that." " Johnny!" "I'm not complaining." "Just where are you going?" "Out!" " Yes, but where?" " Out." "You told me to go out so I'm fucking well going out." "Johnny for fuck sake, I've just done that." "You are not going out like that." "Dressed up like a fucking tart." "Hello!" "You don't fucking get it, do you?" "That's your mom, Chantal." "That!" " Alright doll?" "Where you going?" " Nowhere." " Are you Johnny's girl?" " Yes." " Are you the new man?" " Yes, the name's Larry." "Listen..." "Did anyone ever tell you, you're gorgeous." "If you were my girl, I wouldn't let you go out dressed like that." " Not unless I was with you." " Exactly." "Too right." "I'll have to have a talk with Johnny." "Put him right about one or two things." " Maybe you and I can talk later on." " Maybe." "Fucking down boy!" "Alright mate." "Saw your woman on the way out." "Thought you might want some company." " Fancy a drink?" " No I can't." "I've got the baby." " Stay for a can if you like." " OK." "Open the fucking door Johnny!" "What are you fucking doing?" "I give you £20 and you have no money." "And you come back with £40." "Where d'you get that?" "Fucking dick!" "Someone who knows more about fuck than you." "You fucking touch me and my brothers will be right down here." "Maybe your brothers will find that I've got mates as well." "What does that mean?" "I've got mates as well." "What mates have you got?" "What about Larry?" "Larry on the stairs." "Think if you're friends with him, nobody will hurt you?" "I'll fucking punch you!" "You're not sleeping with me tonight." "You can stay there on the fucking couch." "Right, because I'm not sleeping with a fucking whore." "The man himself." "What about the workers?" "Join the fucking party." "Where's Chantal?" "Where is she?" "She's with your mother." "My mother. then you can fucking go down there and get her." "You don't expect that from your friends and neighbours." "You're crazy." "Let's be sociable." "She might want to be, but I don't." "What?" "She's been sitting all on her ass and the baby's been with my mother." "Just left her there." "Do you give a fuck?" "Do you give..." " a flying fuck?" " Yes." " What?" " Yes." " You do?" "I've got a little test for you." "What colour clothes is she wearing today?" " What colour clothes is she wearing?" " Cerise." "Cerise?" "It was fucking pink." " Johnny I was watching her." " Pink!" " I know what pink is." " Not cerise." "Fucking pink." "Fine!" "Who's cerise?" "It's a colour." "It's pink." "It's a colour?" " You're not going to get her, I'll go." " Then go." "You go fucking get her." " You dress a baby in pink?" " What's wrong with that?" "You go then John, you go." "I'll get some fucking tea then" " Something for your tea." " Yeah, nice one." "Pick up some more tins, you cunt." "We're running a bit dry." "I'd love to stay for my tea." "Is that alright with you?" " That's lovely." " I'll get a video for you Larry." " What you getting?" " Whatever you want." "Bruce Willis." "Die Hard," "Johnny, come here..." "Get..." "Die Harder!" " Tea pot." " Typhoo." "Bruce Willis." "Fucking Die Harder." "Bitch!" "Get off me man." "Did the doctor say to give up the cigarettes John.?" "I turned round and said to him" "Take the ciggies away, you might as well put a plastic bag over my head." "They're the only thing keeping me going." "That and making sure my laddie gets himself settled down properly." "You married a whore." "A common person." "The thing is with you John" "You're a soft touch." "People see that in you." "Soft Johnny." "They called you that in school." " They didn't, they didn't." " I know, right?" " Weak, like your father." " I'm not." "That was at school." "Julie was always good at school, but not you." "Then came that whore." "Wasn't that a waste of time?" "Alright!" "Then came Chantal." "See, it wasn't a waste of time." "If I hadn't got together with Catriona then we wouldn't have had her." "She a little princess right enough." "You've got to see it that way." "Oh well, maybe." " Never done it like this before?" " Not so fucking hard." "I could fucking eat you." "Just like fucking chocolate." "Mother was right." "She said her and her family, the fucking Doyles were rubbish." "Right Chantel." "But we're no rubbish Eh?" "Not us, not us." "That's them." "That's them up there." "Not so fucking hard." "It's alright doll." "the pole's well greased here." "They broke in here and took away the TV and the video." "I can't leave anything here now." "Can't even show you your Postman Pat video." "Keep fucking me Larry, Fuck me." "Fuck." "zzz" "You are my princess." "My darling." "My little princess." "You're Daddy's little princess." "Not like that whore." "You're not like that whore." "Come here." "Alright mate?" "I need a favour." "That's me sorted." "I've got an extension now because there's no power upstairs." "That's my fucking electric." "If you ever touch that plug or that switch, you're fucking dead." "I'm fucking telling you." "Listen Johnny, you and me" "We're still mates." "That's what we are here." "Forget everything that's happened." "To me... we're still mates and that's that." "I'll go half with the bills if that's what your fucking worried about." "What's that meant to mean?" "Nothing." "Better fucking not mean it." "Not a bad ride eh, John." "When you're mates, it's one of those things." "She was dying for it." "She's a fine girl eh?" "Ever fucked her up the ass?" "I started giving her the message that way." "You don't want to get her pregnant." "Fucking baby daft, that cunt." "Once you get 'em pregnant, they take your money for the rest of your life." "It's not my style." "I'll keep my money." "I'll tell you one thing John..." "I hope you've not got that AIDS." "Because if so you've given it to me." "I never use condoms." "No fucking way." "I'm going to have a fucking wank, man." "zzz" "You dirty little cunt." "I'll tell you something." "It's thanks to me you've got the baby." "If she wants it back, I'll say no." "Even though we both know, that a baby belongs with its mother." "But no." "zzz" "It's thanks to me you've still got the baby." "Think about that the next time, you make accusations about other people." "Got a mouth just like her mother." "Good for sucking on things." "Seen the draw for the quarter finals?" "The winner of St Johnstone vs Kilmarnock go to Easter Road." "Now then John, if you want to fuck her again..." "Just give us a shout." "£10 it'll cost you." "Cheer up." "You alright Johnny?" " What do you want?" " Just to talk." "Talk..." "Talk?" " What about?" " Not here Johnny." "Come on." "Alright John?" "You're taking the piss." "No fucking cunt takes the piss... out of me." "Fucking hit the bastard." "Fucking kill the fucking cunt." "zzz" "It's our fucking electricity." "Say goodbye to your mother." "You can lick your fucking mother's piss flaps you fucking cunt." "When I make love to a girl, I never use a condom." "That's me." "What about you?" "Do you ever use a condom when you make love?" "Fuck you." "Because I won't give you a fuck." "I'm not fucking with you all looking on." "Fuck off you fat cunt." "I don't know whose baby it is, but it isn't mine." "Listen." "I wouldn't mind a lie down." "Are you coming?" " Right?" " Hello Johnny." "Where's Larry these days, eh?" "Problems." " Staying with some fucking slut." " It's not fucking like him, is it?" "As soon as he found out I was pregnant he just fucked off." "Listen Johnny, d'you want to go out for a drink tonight?" "On the town." "The Bull and Bush." "We were good together Johnny, eh?" "Everybody said so." "Remember the fruit machine at the Bull and Bush Johnny?" "That was a good one, that was." "D'you want to go then Johnny?" "Come on." "Alright." "Kirsty!" "Susan was saying they were thinking of having their reception at Easter Road." "I'll go tell Coco you'll be having it there too," "You're right." "Resurrection, by the way." "Had a cracker last night." "You could have a party for 300 people there." "You can get up to 12,000 at Resurrection." "No, I was meaning the function feature at Easter Road." "Resurrection with that fucking bass generator was enough."