"Slowly, slowly... what's the hurry?" "Show some manners." "I would like everyone to try and remember today's lesson." "I only teach... you must learn." ""What you desire is not what's required."" "Enough of that!" "Don't touch her." "You in particular need to pay attention, Carletto." "In fact, I'm due to tutor you in Latin later today." "As for the rest of you, that's all for today." "Sondra... want a lift on the back of my scooter?" "Hello." "Hi." "Can someone other than her get a ride home?" "Get on..." "THANK YOU..." "GRANDMOTHER" "Don't squeeze so hard." "Marinella... you live here." " Thanks a lot." " You're welcome." "The old bag must be senile to pull such a trick." "This woman is a complete stranger to me." "I've never seen her photograph." "All of a sudden I get a telegram from Venezuela saying ..." ""I'm arriving on such and such a date and I expect you at the airport."" "But General, she married your father, God rest his soul." "So what?" "Show respect." "She deserves consideration as your stepmother." "When my old man left my mother and me alone when I was a child?" "That's paternal devotion." "Well... once and a while he'd send us some money." "When mother died he married this potato... at the age of 68." "She must be in her dotage by now." "His bank in Caracas had to write me to tell me that he'd died." "So now what does this old fossil want of me?" "What right does she have to inflict herself on me?" "I'll bet she's coming her to get a loan or have us feed her until she croaks." "Yeah, a grandmother is all we're missing here, what with Celeste bossing us around." "Listen to this little ingrate, who's nose I blew until a week ago." "Let's not squabble." "Let's think about grandmother." "We need the storage space in our guest room, so we'll tell her that we have no room." "I'll rent her a room - or better a suite - rather than have her around me." "Alright, but you still have to meet her at the airport." "Well, I can't this morning." "I'm supposed to be at the factory right now." "The hotel chain wants us to furnish glassware, and we're closing the deal this morning." "Let's send Giorgio to meet her." "But my band - we're supposed to audition today for the rock festival." "It's a big show." "You and that guitar." "You might at least have been in an orchestra or played something better." "But don't think I can go, trying to take care of this house with three men as messy as you are." "Why can't we send Carletto?" "Carletto, you've no objection to meeting your South American grandmother, do you?" "Here's some money, Carletto." "Hire a taxi... and put her up at the Astor." "I'll make the reservation." "Tell her the house is a mess." "That we're having the walls painted." "This says meet her at noon." " So long, kids." " Bye..." "And you be careful on the highway." "Well this ball-buster is all I needed..." ""Mrs. Marianna Persiquetti is requested to come to the information desk."" ""Mrs. Marianna Persiquetti is requested to come to the information desk."" ""Mrs. Marianna Persiquetti is requested to come to the information desk."" "Senora Persiquetti?" "Are you Marianna?" "Marijuana?" "I do not smoke marijuana!" "Sir, the lady whom you paged has arrived." "She's waiting at the information counter." "There... she said that's her name." "I'm Marianna Persiquetti." "And you?" "Carlo Persiquetti..." "Carletto." "Are you really..." "truly... my grandmother?" "Yes, it's true... your granny." "Well, can we get moving?" "Did you come in a car?" "No, we're taking a taxi." "Tell me something, what does it mean when they say to you to go... bo.. topo..." " Go-go topless?" " Yes." "It's a compliment that means... "beautiful girl."" "What a marvelous country!" "In Italy the men who carry your luggage are so gallant." "Splendid!" "Next time you want to say "go-go topless", say it to your own grandmother." "Excuse me, I didn't know the lady could understand what I said." "But why should I say it to my grandmother?" "That's my grandmother." "Well she's "go-go topless" to me." "My heavens, that boy's late." "What possessed you to send a mere child, when anything could have gone wrong?" "Stop this sniveling like the mother of a 12-year-old." "There you go with your usual thanks." "Who's been doing everything like your own mother for you and Carlo?" "Oh, Celeste..." "Carletto's a young man." "It's time you realized that." "There he is at the front door." "Finally." "Carletto, we've been worried about you." "Now, Carletto..." "tell us what she's like." "That was a chore, papa." "Granny's a monster." "An old battle-axe." "I have to buy her lunch, so I need some more cash." "She's afraid of being left alone." "She wanted to live here with us, but I talked her out of it." "It took a lot of effort, too." "But why should you waste your lunch when I've fixed you tortellini?" "I've got to eat with granny." "Come on papa... shell out!" "Or I'll bring her to the house." "Oh no you don't." "But how did you already spend all I gave you this morning?" "I have a lot to talk about with granny, so don't worry if I'm late." "But, Carletto..." "Come in." "Just a moment, I'm in the bathtub." "Who is it?" "Your grandson, Carletto." "Ah, it's you, Carletto." "Would you do me a favor?" "Please bring me the little blue jar in my make-up case." "Sure, granny." "Uhhh... this one, granny?" "Yes." "Why don't you go sit down?" "I'll be with you in a minute." "Excuse me, Carletto." "For what?" "The pretty flowers!" "How thoughtful." "Who's been so nice?" "I was... because it was my good luck..." "I mean pleasure, to meet you first." "Thank you." "Granny, there isn't much time to dress before lunch." "Don't make me feel old by saying, "Granny."" "Call me Marianna." "Are we lunching at your house?" "Oh, no... the painters are out there." "I told you." "Lots of people." "We'll go to a nice restaurant, okay?" "Do we join your brother and father there?" "My father's busy every day." "So's Giorgio." "That's fine." "Just you and me at the restaurant, then." " Sorry." " That's alright." "I like the little car." "It's fun to ride in." "Yes." "It's a new model." "You don't need to have a license." "I got it on approval." "I hope papa will buy it." "The speciality here is seafood." "It's my favorite treat." "You must have guessed it." "The tables are better back here." "So's the view." "Smell the salt spray." "I can't control my appetite." "There's a table by the window." " Please." " Thank you." " Waiter." " Yes sir." " May I take your order?" " You suggest something." "What are the specialties here today?" "Most people want the chowder." "I recommend our cockels ala marina, or bucatini sailor-style." "What's bucatini?" "Oh... something like spaghetti, with a hole in the center." "And this, this ... cocks marine-style?" "Oooo... what an idea, lady." "And, uh... to drink." "Chianti rose if you have it." "Best in the house." "What's wrong with the waiter?" "I'll explain it afterwards." "That'll be fine." "Hey... what a view." "Want to change places?" "Yeah... with that boy." "Here's your bucatini, ma'am." "Piping hot." "Thank you." "That'll be all, thanks." "Excuse me, ma'am, but if you'd like to avoid the whistle..." "There's no reason to explain it to the lady." "She knows very well how to manage bucatini." "But... she enjoys having it whistle." "What's wrong with that?" "Nothing." "She can whistle whenever she wants." "Thank you." "Take a look at what Carletto's picked up." " Hi, everyone." " Hi." "Hi." "Hi, Carletto." "Sorry, I'll have to skip practice." "I have more important things than working out to keep me busy." "What does he mean, "Skip practice"?" "Sports." "Have fun, kids." " Bye." " Bye... have fun." " That outfit's an original." " What about that hat?" "What's the matter, Marinela?" "What's the matter?" "First of all, she's madly in love with Carletto." "Second, he made her fall so hard on her little behind that the windows are still rattling." "Celeste, you sound like the brakes on my scooter." "So where are you off to in Giorgio's suit and that stuff in your hair?" "That's none of your business!" "It's my business is to keep your father from getting worried." "I should know what to say when I'm asked where you are." "Just say I went to take out my old granny." "That's what he ordered me to do, right?" "Right." "Carletto..." "Your order of two whiskeys, sir." "Have you put it in soda?" "No, sir." "But I put in some bicarbonate - that's considered modern." "Fine, thanks." "You're welcome." " Drink up." " Thanks." "To the youngest grandmother." "The most dazzling, most gorgeous, most fascinating, most... most most revealing grandmother." "Really, Carletto." "You have said so before... three times." "Have I?" "May we dance?" "Sure, sure." "You're tired?" "I'm not tired." "What are you dancing?" "Oh... it's a modern dance." "Is that better?" "Great." "Lower it, though." "I'd give it more bass." "That way it's more sexy." "Here, give it to me..." "Oh... play outside!" "Marinella, I'd prefer it without ping-pong as an accompanyment." "What your music needs is ping-pong." "And this is a tennis club, not a nightclub." "Get Marinella worked up about her Carletto, and pop go the fireworks!" "Pop goes Carletto... he came to club last night with his bird-of-paradise and she even got him plastered." "Carletto?" "Are you sure?" "Yeah... everybody saw them." "And I swear - she could pose for a centerfold any day." "Why that smartass..." "Praise God!" "What delicious sausages." "Cured in the country?" "No... cured at a meat-packing plant." "I have to flavor my French stew with them." "Saint Benedict would say, "A labor of love." But with Carletto, his labor is sports." "He missed his tutoring session today." "His grandmother's here, that's why." "I don't envy what he's doing, either." "Helping some old lady around." "I'm glad." "It's good to open up to others but not for someone who's study habits are so poorly developed." "Who's that at the door?" "Hello." "What do you want at this hour?" "Hello, I have to speak to Carletto." "May I?" "You could, except he's snoring in his bedroom." "He was out all night." "And what a night." "After the cramps and vomiting, he's got a head like an atom bomb." "I'll let you take another Alka Seltzer up to him." "Come along." "Good morning, Friar Domenico." "Good morning to you, Marinella." "It's fortunate that you're here." "Would you please review our lessons with Carletto?" "Because unfortunately for him, he's very busy with his grandmother." "Yes, I know..." "Here you are." "Make sure he swallows it all." "And give him a shove to get him moving." "Friar Domenico, I told you these sausages are for my French stew!" "Celeste, one sip is all I need to help me swallow." "Some wine would do..." "there's one bite caught in my throat." "Here's your wine..." "red, at room temperature." "Thank you." "You said one sip, not all you could drink!" "Who's that?" "It's Marinella." "You even bust my balls at home!" "Get out..." "Look, I brought you an Alka-Seltzer." "Don't yell at me." "You should pay for it, the morning after you've been drinking all night." "I'm paying... by having you here." "I came by to see why you never come to school." "I'm not a schoolboy any more." "I'm not kidding, I prefer to be with grown women." "You always have me." "You can order me to do whatever you want." "Really?" "Whatever I want?" "No matter what?" "Yes... anything." "If you want it." "Alright." "Fix my sheets." "They're all crooked and knotted around my body." "I'll be glad to." "Don't feel me up!" "Why... the very idea!" "Is that better?" "Pull harder... or the knots won't straighten out." "I was straightening the sheets for him." "You, Marinella, have a date with me tomorrow in the confessional." " But I wasn't..." " Silence!" "And you, Carletto, no wild behavior, unless you want me to give you a real split head." "Here's everything we're currently producing." "Our formula combines silica sand with lead oxide to make our glass more brilliant." "Most interesting." "General." "Yes?" "Your secretary." "Yes, my dear?" "They telephoned to say your bank received the payment in francs and they want to know in which account to make the deposit." "Deposit it in account B..." "B." "Very well." "It looks like the General is surrounded by pretty young ladies." "And what good taste he has." "My dear sirs, at my age?" "Apparently, the blood will tell." "The General's son had a real bombshell at the restaurant and the nightclub yesterday." "That's Giorgio, up to his ears in pretty ladies." "Not Giorgio... his younger brother." "What's that kid's name?" "Carletto." "No, it couldn't possibly be..." "Papa... papa... wake up!" "Wake up!" "What time is it?" "It's just 7:00." "Where the devil are you off to at this hour?" "I'm taking grandmother on a tour today." "And I'm out of money." "Out of money?" "I'd like to know what you blow it on." "To me it looks like you're supporting a lady the French call "an expensive bird"." "Granny's the expense." "What you're putting out is in your best interest." "I'm doing all the work, papa." "You can hang onto your money, and I'll bring her around for you to take care of." "Now don't exaggerate." "Thanks, papa..." "Carletto... at least let me know how much you took." "He knows how much I'd pay to get rid of her." "But if I catch some hooker with her hands on that kid..." "I'll take her." "Here's what you see from the Tower of Pisa." "It started leaning in the marshy ground while they were building it." "Will it lose its balance?" "No, no..." "look at the dome from here." "Now over here we see the cathedral dome and the baptistry, and into the cemetary, too and all the famous frescos by..." "I've forgotten who." "And this is the prettiest view of Pisa." "Hey, viva the Tower of Pisa that's leaning and leaning and never goes down." "How come you know that song?" "I learned it from your grandfather." "He showed me Pisa in the photos he took long ago." "Finally seeing it all from the tower was an experience that's almost too thrilling." " What you need is a martini." " Okay." "Two martinis, please." "Two martinis..." "If we could only get moving ten minutes sooner." " Isn't she a terrific looking bimbo?" " Who do you mean?" "The brunette." "There with your brother." "Look at her." " I'll go and lift his girlfriend." " Watch this..." " Sure... and our two martinis?" " Right away." "Two red vermouth martinis." "That's not what I wanted." "But Carletto, I really don't mind red vermouth." " Cheers." " Cheers." "Hi, Carletto!" "I was wondering why you'd dropped out of circulation recently." "To be sure there was no competition with this model." "Now I understand." "How fascinating." "It's seldom I get emotional in front of a pretty girl." "With you I'm in danger of fainting." "I'm his brother, Giorgio." "So while you said you were our old grandmother's companion, instead you took this angel in her place." "I am your grandmother." "You're our grandmother?" "You shouldn't keep it a secret." "I didn't." "But who'd ever dream of having a granny so... so..." "Pretty." "Yes..." "Grandmother!" "Now why doesn't grandmother live in our house with us?" "Because... because there still isn't a room ready." "Right... but we can move in together." "We can easily fit another bed in my room." " Grandmother can use your room." " No thanks..." "I don't want to embarrass or inconvenience..." "Don't worry." "Just pack your bags and send them to the house." "Papa will settle all the rest." "You'll have to tell papa, Carletto." "I have to see a manager and sign a contract." "This is the first real one our band's got." "Oh?" "You play in an orchestra?" "Oh sure... a great guitar." "Ahhh... the guitar..." "I love the guitar." "Giorgio... it's getting late." "Hey... they want you." "Well, see you tomorrow." "Ahhh..." "I smell the aroma of seafood." "That's enough to whet my appetite." " It'll taste even better." " It was worth it to drive a bit further." " How are you, Angelo?" " Good afternoon, General, I'll be with you in a second." " Table for three." " Right away, General." " What dish can we prepare, sir?" " What's especially good today?" "It's cooked in the Dutch oven that they bring to the table." "We eat from the same pot we cook in." "In Spanish, we call that bote jar de un." "Don't ever say that." "Around here, that doesn't refer to cooking." "What is it?" "You look embarrassed." "Here." "Think of the male organ as a..." "There's your prodigal son with his fabulous firebird." "Aren't you his father, General?" "It's Carletto." "So this is the fish you're buying with my money?" "I think you'd pick better providers than teenagers." "Do you realize there's a law against corrupting minors?" "I don't understand..." "Oh, you're playing dumb?" "Was he explaining how he hits a baseball with this bit of play-acting?" "So what business is this of yours?" "I don't like to be questioned." "Then you'd better lie low." "You better leave, or you'll be doing time." "But papa... that's grandmother." "Honest, it is." "Show some respect." " What?" " That's grandmother... your mother." "Everything's ready, Friar Domenico, so come along." "I've plenty of coffee for you." "It's a gift, the way you always know when to show up." "Now let's see." "I've got everything..." "The spoons..." "You're preparing quite a breakfast." "Do you have company coming?" "Yes." "The General's mother left the hotel." "She'll be a house guest for a while." "Much better." "Now Carletto might feel like coming to school, praise the Lord." "I never saw this here before." "What is it?" "A special jam." "The general went to a lot of trouble to get it." " Why, it's membrillo!" " What's that?" "A kind of Spanish jelly... made with sugar cane." "The most important sweet in all South America." "Exquisite tasting... exquisite!" "Yes." "The General is always thoughtful." "It's to welcome his mother." "His welcome is very considerate." "But momma must be very old and demanding?" "No." "She's spritely, pleasant, amusing." "But you'll see for yourself." "And take care you don't let your tongue run away." "Maybe you're used to having breakfast in your room, but here you'll have to adjust to our routine." "Otherwise we won't be able to enjoy your company." " That's right, papa." " That's right, papa." "Good morning to all." "Good morning, Friar Domenico." "This is my mother, my momma." "She's from Venezuela." "[It's lovely to meet you.]" "[Never in my imagination did I expect to meet someone so graceous and beautiful.]" "[You speak so well." "Where did you learn to speak Castilliano?" "]" "In your land." "While I was a missionary in the Amazon jungle, I learned Spanish and some Indian words..." "We must have many conversations while you're here with us." "In case you decide to make your home in Italy you won't get homesick if we talk together in your language." " Momma, please be seated." " Yes." "Excuse me." "Thank you." "Pour the coffee, Celeste." "Is the Amazon jungle as brutal as they say?" "Not when you're assimilated." "I spent the happiest years of my life with Indios who behaved as if I were one, too." "My friends wanted to find me a wife." "Imagine that!" "Believe it or not, they brought in a little bird-like creature 13 years of age." "And you refused her?" "That's Friar Domenico's secret, momma." "Well, children, I have to leave." "I have to be very punctual at the plant today." "Goodbye." "Perfume delicious as you are, momma." "Oh, by the way." "I bought the membrillo, especially for you." "Thank you." "That was so thoughtful." "In Brazil, I also lived with the headhunters, you know." "It was near Garimpo, an outpost where you run into the worst sort of outcasts." "They say spirados..." "Friar Domenico... you mustn't forget." "The reason you came here was to teach Carletto." " You'd better begin." " Carletto is eating." "Have patience." "No." "I've finished." "We can start." "I must ask your indulgence..." "other duties summon." "Excuse me." "What chapter did we leave off on?" "Well?" "Are you hypnotized?" " Why don't we play the guitar?" " Yes." "Let's..." " What would you like to hear?" " Something marvelous." "She'll change her tune when she hears how he plays." "Marvelous..." " Now you play." " Yes?" "Here's how you place your right hand." "Hold it tight against your... breast." "Now, pluck the strings... softly." "Really... a guitar is something like a girl." "To produce the right playing conditions, you must treat it with great delicacy." "Only if it's touched gently will it play..." "Shame on you!" "Do you always have to hound me?" "Run along, kid." "No!" " Hello." " Hello, Giorgio." " All the courts are taken." " That's no matter." "I was looking for the masseur, but he's not around." "I wanted him to warm up my leg muscles." "I can do that." "I use a light touch." "Very good." "If you like." "Planning on playing without your racket?" "So I forgot it." "Really... a girl is something like a guitar." "To produce the right playing conditions, you must treat her with great delicacy." "Giorgio, get it straight." "The other day it was a guitar that had to be treated like a girl." "What's with you?" "Everyone here?" "Hello, papa." "Chocolate candy." "Chocolatinos..." "To eat while I'm changing my clothes." "You've attracted another one." "Like bees to honey." "Carletto." "Would you like to warm up my leg muscles?" "I'm afraid that's Giorgio's line." "Ask for an appointment." "Would you like some chocolate candy?" "Boys these days are something else, hmmm?" "Here we are." "The more oxygen we have, the better." "It's clean air for me." "Oh Pino, it's fantastic!" "You're in great shape for your age." "It took some effort, because middle-age is fattening." "When is that court free?" "It should be in about 30 minutes, papa." "That leaves time to have a drink." "A bottle of orange-aid, please." "You'd better pay more attention to your dear old granny." "Women give in to your brother every time." "Now this one, again." "Please." "Better have a stiff one." "Of course I should get more exercise." "I don't have much time." "I have to work." " Your legs are in good shape." " Well, I've always ridden horses." " Riding horses is good for you." " I must say, I miss it." " You have a court." " Thanks, Giorgio..." "let's go." "This time you and papa play." " Thank you, Giorgio." "That's most considerate." " So long..." "That's no way to treat a tennis racket." "It's not a guitar." "I hope I didn't frighten you." "Why?" "I'm not frightened at all." "What do you want?" "I want you to forgive my rudeness at the tennis..." "You came here in your pajamas to say you're sorry?" "Tomorrow would have been too late?" "If I hadn't come..." "I wouldn't have been able to sleep all night." "Since this morning at the tennis court..." "Since I massaged your leg muscles, I've been under your spell." " Is that so?" " Yeah, and you know it, too." "Alright... then it'd better if you stopped massaging my leg." "I can't... and you want it." "I know you want me to." " What makes you so sure?" " I know the signs." " Stop it!" "Giorgio..." " You want me, too." "You're mine, granny!" "The little rat..." "There was no one in the hall." "It was the phantom who protects me." " Good night." " Good night." "Stop faking." "Ow!" "Giorgio... what's wrong?" "Why are you hitting me?" "What have I done?" "Stop it!" "So, you're sleep-walking?" "Don't try and kid me!" "Take that!" "Stop making all this racket." "What on earth is the matter with you?" "Stop it this minute before your father gives you a beating." "I had to hit Carletto because he was sleep-walking." "It was his own fault if he got hurt." "But it can be dangerous to wake a sleep-walker." "Many others are sleep-walking here." "Not just Carletto." "I hear mysterious door-openers and slammers in the hallways, and having showers every night." "What's going on here?" "It's nothing serious." "I'm sorry you were awakened." "You'd better go back to sleep now." "And lock your door." "Take my word for it very strange ghosts or sleep-walkers are wandering the halls." " Good night." " Good night." "Now you brats, get in your beds." "You'll both be in the soup if this happens tomorrow night." "Well, I must say..." "The General is sleeping late today." "When he comes, he'll blame me if his coffee's cold." "What was that nonsense?" "Here I am." "Hey, papa... are you going in for riding now?" "Knowing how fond you are of riding, I bought two horses so we could go for a gallop together." "Marvelous!" "Wait a moment while I go put some pants on." "General, what a picture!" "Handsome as a model in a magazine ad." "Ah... you're still wearing the tag." "Would you like some sugar?" "Here I am, Mr. Horseman... all ready." "Oh, they're beautiful." "How can I thank you?" " They're splendid!" "I'll ride this one." " Fine." "Oh, no, no, no..." "let me hand you up." "You've forgotten, papa..." "horse manure is supposed to be lucky." "What's wrong?" "I'd don't know." "The nag won't budge, curse him." "Let's stop here for a bit, so the horses can rest." " Are you happy?" " How kind of you." "I'm overjoyed." "Thank you." "When I saw the horses I almost cried." "My only thought is to find more ways to please you." "A son's devotion." "My affection for you isn't merely as a stepmother." "Let's continue our ride." "But how can a horse be rested in two minutes?" "Carletto?" "Looking for me?" "Yeah... if you weren't asleep, I wanted my things." "The stuff I need to play baseball." "We're practicing tomorrow." "I see." "Well, come in and get them." "Come in..." "Well... what are you waiting for?" "Is there anything else you wanted?" "No." "Then, good night." "Good night, Carletto." "Stubborn prick, aren't you?" "Let's face it, nothing is going to happen." "Just leave me alone, and stop making things difficult." "Look... if you keep it up and don't go back to sleep, I'll have to slap you into shape." "Come on, Carletto." "Are you coming out of there, or not?" "As soon as I fasten my pants." "Sorry, but I've been constipated." " Is it better now?" " Yes, I feel better." "Good night, papa." "Watch out... this is the furnace with the molten glass." " The finished items are taken over here." " Good morning, General." "Now, over here..." "We're at full capacity, thank the Lord." "But with renovations, I could triple our income." "With a mechanized operation, I'd be able to produce more, and in better time, too." "That's the most beautiful doll I ever saw." "If she's a new secretary, I'm asking for a transfer to a typing job." "Yeah, but if she belongs to the boss, his office staff is a closed shop." " Not for you or me." " Let's call a strike." "Now we're leaving the sample display, and entering the administration section." "My secretary..." "Pleased to see you." "And our accountant, Dan Mikhalis." "Meet... my mother." "So sorry, General." "A great honor." "My pleasure..." "Let's keep going..." "Here, we have my office." "Make yourself at home." "Sit down, please." "Ahhh... the sun is hurting your eyes?" "This window could give us a sunstroke." "Now, after the heat of the factory, I have a light aperitif for you." "Tequila?" "You must have known what I'm used to." "I have second-sight, you know." "Enough." "And you said you had a very personal and private subject to discuss with me?" "Marianna... even your very name disturbs and intoxicates me like a drug." "Sitting beside you makes my blood boil like lava." "The very sight of you is as scorching as a fire." "The thought of wanting you drives me out of my mind." "I'm going crazy!" "But, Pino, what you want is forbidden." "It's incestuous." "I was married to your father." "I'm your mother." "Mother?" "What mother?" "What's incestuous?" "You're just a beautiful woman." "You've driven me insane since you came into my home." "Once and for all, I've got to have you!" "That's dreadful." "Right here in your office..." "My office?" "On the couch... on the carpet right here!" "Choose wherever you like!" "It's not like I'd be screwing the furniture." "I'd be screwing you." "Yes?" "Look..." "I told you I didn't want to be disturbed for at least an hour!" "You got that!" "Finally, you've fallen into my ambush." "In the wolf's den." "My den." "Why are you laughing?" "Are you hysterical?" "No..." "I thought I'd have a little fun while I was in Italy." "In every sense." "I never thought I'd find so much fun..." "especially in my husband's family." "But I confess, it now has me quite perplexed." "I've been able to respect the memory of your father." "He married me because I took care of him during the last year of his life." "Your poor father died on our wedding night." "God be with him." "As a young widow, I certainly won't reject loving again." "It's important." "But not yet." "Look..." "I told you not to bother me." "I'm still discussing an important estimate." "But General, it's a long-distance call from London." "Colonel Whitbread urgently wants to speak with you." "He says it's extremely important." "So help me, if it's not really urgent, I'll choke her." "Why, anything's possible." "It's not possible here, because..." "But Marianna, wait until tonight." "No one will save you then." "I don't give a damn what this Whitbread said." "You do what I say from now on, or else..." "Here you are..." "Who cooked this Venezuelan dish?" "It's my cooking, but it was the General's idea." "He phoned the Venezuelan embassy in Rome to have their cook tell me how to prepare it." "Oh, but there's more to it than that." "With pagrita you want these little chills and tobasco." "So we'll all get peppered up tonight." "Thank you, Pino." "Your second-sight goes right on working, doesn't it?" "." "Will you serve?" "Oh... how marvelous it is." "With pagrita you also want some wine." "Here we are." " Some wine for momma." " Italian wine will go nicely." "Well, Carletto... no appetite?" "If we weren't at the table, I'd tell you what this mess looks like to me." " But try just a little bit." " Okay." "Do you like it, Giorgio?" "It's good." "It's really great." "I'd like to find out what some other Venezuelan specialties taste like." "Here's a specialty of Chile and Peru." "One apiece - come on." "These are very hot..." "Celeste!" "Celeste!" "Water!" "There'll be an effect, after eating chilis." "I hope so." "That's why I bought them." "Jeez... that was hot as a pistol!" "Perhaps hot for those who like it." "What proper dish requires so much spice be added to the recipe?" "It'll just burn their asses." "Don't worry." "Yes... if that's all it will do." " No... give me a little more coffee, please." " But General, too much coffee will keep you awake." "I'll have to stay awake." "I'm meeting our accountant, Dan Mikhalis, at 9:30." "We have to fill out my tax form." " Would you care for some?" " No... none for me." " Why not?" " I want to turn in now." "I'm going to bed." " Good night, all." " Good night, Carletto." "Pleasant dreams." " You want a little?" " Sure." " Not too much." " It's after 9:00." "Time for me to run along." "Ah..." "General." "Shall I wait up until you return?" "No, no, no... you go to bed." "I may be very late." "Very late." "Would you like to hear a piece I wrote for guitar, and tell me what you think about it?" "Alright." "Let's listen to the composer perform." "I call it "Night in Caracas" in your honor." "Come on." "I'll play it for you." "I didn't count on Giorgio playing the guitar." " Well... have I really inspired you?" " You bet." "Listen." "When the others are sleeping later on, I want to come to your room." "A night of love." "Precisely." " Who is it?" " It's Pino, let me in." "There was that minstrel." "That minstrel who never stops playing his guitar." "But why do you have a dress on?" "Come on, darling, take it off." "You perfume fills the air." "I may faint." "It recalls the Caribbean breeze..." "the Caribbean trees... the Caribbean coconuts." " Who's that?" " I can't imagine." "It's me, Giorgio." "Let me in." "What's he here for?" "Tell him you're not in." "I can't say that." "Giorgio is frantic right now, whatever it is." "Hide in the wardrobe there behind you." " Like a pair of shoes?" " It's better." " What do you mean, better?" " You must hide... quick... get in." " Get in there." " It's embarrassing." "Got my hand caught." "What are you waiting for?" "Marianna..." "I can't hold it back." "That spicey dinner of papa's has given me the hots for you." "Giorgio... you shouldn't think of such a thing!" "After all, I'm your grandmother." "I don't give a damn." "I've got to have you!" "Wait." "Some food only tastes good after it cools down." "Then we can enjoy the flavor together." "That's wrong." "The proof of the pudding is in the eating... when it's hot!" "Hello?" "Excuse me, Cesleste, this is Dan Mikhalis, the accountant." "Why are you calling so late?" "There's nothing wrong with the General, is there?" "No... it's because I was asked to call." "Miss Marianna asked me to call at 12:05." "The General's mother?" "But aren't you and the General working late?" "He left for the office around 9:00." "He said he had to work on his tax return." "We've paid those taxes." "I haven't been out of the house all evening, and I need to get back to bed." "Never mind... and thanks, good night." " My God... what if they heard me?" " I'll be ruined." "I know it's Carletto." "I'll split his skull." " Miss Marianna?" " Yes?" " Why, it's Celeste." " May I come in, Mrs. Persiquetti?" "There's something strange going on, and I'm worried." " One moment, please." " But she'll find out that I'm here." " Hide in the wardrobe." " The wardrobe?" "Just for a moment." "Get inside." "Go on." "Go on." "Yes, I'm coming." "I'm sorry to disturb you..." "Who are you?" "I'll break your damn neck." "Papa!" "What are you doing in here?" "I'm waiting for a houseboat." "I might ask what are you doing in here?" "Oh, I'm waiting for the same houseboat." "Giorgio... you can come out now." " And you too, Pino." " It won't open." "I was locked in your safe." "What a cute trick to play on father." "It's so long since we had a reunion." "Yeah... what a way to hold a family reunion." "Right!" "If only Carletto had come we'd have the whole team." "He must've climbed that wardrobe." "Well then... that course in Alpine climbing finally came in useful." "There's no need to rub my face in it." "You might've hidden such goings on." "You don't care how cruel my life is here." "I've kept silent, made excuses, been faithful..." "Always ready to do anything you desired." "The only thing that made up for the suffering was being able to raise your motherless children." "And as long as it was just your secretary at the office, ...I didn't say anything, even though I was mortified." "But now you want to keep a woman in the house." "Your excuse is she's their stepmother." "I say no." "No!" "It's the last straw." "It's too monstrous... that's all I have to say." "No don't cry." "Don't feel this way." "Listen, I'll explain." "Do you know how much my father left the pretty widow Persiquetti?" "The inheritance was the better part of three million." "That's what." "The only reason I was so nice is that she came to invest that money." "I know." "I might've gone to my lawyers and had them sue for what was owed me." "Part of that money belonged to me, by rights." "But trying the case in Venezuela would cost a bundle." "No, I don't want a lawsuit." "On the other hand, she seems to agree with all my plans." " She likes Italian business." " Yes." "And she likes Italians." "Are you talking about me?" "Pino." "Oh, Pino, forgive me." "You see, I don't know what I'm doing anymore." "You poor, innocent darling." "Excuse me." "I'm sorry, but can you just tell me if what she's got is better than this?" "Those two are just like hers... it's true." " You're joking around, again." " I'm not joking." " You'd like to slap me now." " That's not what I'd like at all." "Not at all." "Come on, Giorgio." "The sooner we start, the sooner we get back." "Is this trip necessary, or just a convenient excuse?" "But I told you, it's for some evidence she needs to have notarized at her place of birth." "We employ her now, so we have to report what she's paid." "You might've taken Carletto." "But that boy's still underage." "Come on." "Stop arguing." "Age-wise he's a minor..." "but otherwise he's a man." "There." "I ask one favor and you see how he acts." "Some favor." "A two-day drive, and a night away from home." "Come on, come on." "The more distractions we have, the better." "The atmosphere around here is so glum." "Carletto!" "Carletto!" "Celeste!" "Isn't anyone home?" "Carletto!" "Celeste." "Hi, Carletto." "What a time to come torture me!" "What do you want?" "Have you forgotten I'm supposed to help you study for the exams?" "Look, I study when I want to." "But not today." "Because I've got a date." "Want a hand?" "Why?" "Do you know how to make a bed?" "I can do more things than most people think." "I see." "Excuse me." "Listen, Carletto." "If I don't get some lunch ready now we won't have anything to eat." "You finish making the bed, then." "Thanks!" " Want a cigarette?" " No, no..." "I'm in training." "You've dropped some ashes." "Celeste." "Is anybody home?" "Carletto?" "Who's here?" "Hello, Carletto..." "What's wrong, Friar Domenico?" "You're not relaxing post-prandium?" "What awful pronunciation, Carletto." "You'd test the patience of saint." "I'm in despair of your Latin." "Molto male." "Molto male." "Sorry." "I only meant to say, why are you here at this time of day?" "Carletto, that means you don't remember our lesson." "Couldn't we skip it today?" "I've got such a bad headache." "But Celeste, the General, Giorgio..." "where did they go?" "They went somewhere to get something notarized." "Grandmother and I have just finished lunch." "Perhaps there's some dessert?" " Good day, Friar Domenico." " [I didn't mean to bother you, madam.]" " [You're not bothering me at all, Father.]" " Thank you." "Friar Domenico, maybe we should skip the lesson." "I can't possibly learn anything with this headache." "But you could if there were an aspirin in the house." "Yes, there is." "While I was cooking, I saw some in the kitchen." "I'll get one for you." "Carletto... come along." "Let's start the lesson." "Work, work..." "Even with all our tutoring, you still make such basic mistakes." " The aspirin ruined me, Friar Domenico." " You feel ruined only when it's convenient." "You'd better leave, Father." "Otherwise you'll be caught in the storm." "There you are right." "Let's hope you'll be more proficient during our next lesson." "...it's called 'phallus carchesa'." "What does that mean?" "It means your head is like a... never mind, I've explained enough for today." "Although whoever said it also knows his onions." "Are you going somewhere, granny?" "I thought I'd take a walk." "But because of the storm, I'd better not go." "Well, I'm going to leave before I'm caught in the downpour." " Goodbye, madam." " Goodbye, Father." " Bye, Carletto." " Goodbye, father." "Thank you, Carletto." "You're welcome." "Want to see what's on tv?" "Is there anything interesting?" "What's that?" "Mother of God!" "Don't be afraid." "The power always goes out when there's a storm." "I'll go light some candles." "You gave me a scare." "These storms are very dangerous." "Why no, there's nothing to be afraid of." "Marianna?" "Marianna?" "So you want to play?" "I'm warning you." "If I catch you, you'll pay a penalty." "Marianna where are you?" "Where are you, grandmother?" " Now you must pay a penalty." " What must I do?" "Let me kiss you." " Carletto." "Carletto..." " Yes... again, again!" "No, no... the telephone's ringing." "Answer it." "Damn telephone..." "Hello, who is this?" "Sondra, don't waste me time..." "I'm freezing here!" "Come on, calm down." "You're not making any sense..." "What?" "When?" "That stupid kid." "I'll be right there!" " They say she swallowed 50 pills." " If that were true, she'd be dead." "No, not 50." "I heard it was 10." " Here's Carletto." " Where is she?" "Down the hall." "She's in room 23." "The way you affect these girls, Carletto..." "Marinella... it's alright, dear." " Who'd have imagined..." " One moment, close the door!" "Now you can go in." " Why, dumbass?" " For love..." "Love... for me?" "But why?" "How is she?" "Thank the Lord, she's recovering." "She only took 3 or 4 pills." "They pumped her stomach, and the doctor says I can take her home." "And when I get her home..." " May I visit with Marinella privately?" " Certainly." "You too, Carletto." " You mean I have to leave?" " Yes." "What you've done is dreadful, Marinella." "Especially since you have just reached the point in life where you'll experience love." "Love as a woman." "You're a stubborn person." "You shouldn't give up without a fight." "Only a fool surrenders because things don't come easily." "Never be afraid of life, no matter how discouraging things seem." "Don't let it beat you." "You need to take stock of yourself as a woman." "You should try a new hair style that is more becoming." "Some clothes that make you appear more feminine." "Carletto... is finished with those other lessons." "And a young woman must make herself very attractive, so that young man will notice her." ""Attention please, passengers on British Airways flight 361 for London, with connections for Lisbon and Caracas may now board at gate number 4."" "Goodbye, Pino." "I am looking forward to sharing in your business activites." "I'll make the arrangements..." "I promise." "Goodbye, Giorgio." "Maybe one trophy has escaped your collection." " Well..." " But you won't miss it." " Goodbye, Marianna." " Goodbye, Celeste." "But no more experiments in South American cooking." "The effect is overpowering." "I expect, the next time I visit, to find the two of you married." " Goodbye..." " Goodbye, and thank you." "Carletto..." "Goodbye, Carletto." "Thank you, grandmother." " Wait for us." " Just a minute..." "Here we are." "Here we are." " Do I look alright?" " Just delicious." " I brought flowers as my thank you." " Thank you." "I can't thank you enough." "And when you're in the skies of Venezuela, over the great Amazon jungle, will think of me?" "Goodbye, my dear." "And don't forget this poor friar." " That's you, granny." " Last call." "Time to board the plane." "Well, that number will always be "go-go topless" to me."