"(theme music)" "Sergeant." "One step forward, march." "What's this?" "Dandruff, sir." "On report." "One step backward, march." "Squad," "Present arms!" "Slope arms!" "All present and correct, sir." "Carry on, Captain Trench." "Trench:" "Squad..." "Load." "(rifles cock)" "Aim." "Fire!" "Arms, unload!" "(clacking, bullets falling)" "Slope arms!" "About, right!" " (bagpipes play)" " Prepare..." "Step left!" "Left, left, left, right, left." "Left, left, left, right, left." "Left, left..." "Number five's free now." "Excuse me." "Number five is free now." "Thank you very much." "Excuse me." "(opens door)" "There you are." "You put them in there." "I thought these machines were supposed to be wholly automatic." "Yeah, the housewives like to feel that they're taking some part of the process." " Oh." " There you are." "What are those for?" "Well, when the red light comes on for the first time, you put the first load of soap in." "And when it comes on for the second time, you put the second soap in through there." "That's quite an adventure." "Why don't you get your batman to do it for you?" "He's down with a chill." "There's Captain Trench's batman." "You look after him, he'll look after you." "(no audible dialogue)" "(Scottish accent) Private Jessop, sir." "I'm doing some of Captain Trench's things." "I suppose I could look after you, sir, no?" "That's extremely good of you." "Oh, hold on a sec." "There we are." "Oh, that's very nice of you, sir." "You come here often?" "A lot of the lads use this place, sir." "It's better than the regimental laundry." "They make a terrible mess of your things." "That's worth knowing." "You're new here, aren't you, sir?" " That's right." " Aye." "Well, although it is a civvy establishment, we like to give Angela a bit of support." " Angela?" " Mrs. Craig." "She's a widow of one of the corporals here." "Widow?" "Oh, what happened to the corporal?" "He had an accident cleaning his rifle." "Didn't you hear about it?" "Oh, yes, I recall something about that." "It was very hard luck, right through the heart." "She was pretty cut up about it at the time, but she's back on her feet now she's got this place." "Oh, she owns it, eh?" "Yeah, the lads had a whip round and bought it for her, sir." "Well, that's some whip round." "The officers did most of the whipping." "(chuckles)" "Oh, they're a grand bunch here, sir." "There's a fine esprit de corps, if you get my meaning." " There she goes." " Oh, oh, allow me." "There." "That didn't hurt, did it?" "Ah, you needn't get up, Trench." "After all, I'm no longer a serving officer." "No, sir, not at the moment." "And what are you doing?" "I'm working on a field maneuver, sir." "Oh, yes?" "Has it been approved?" "HQ agree with the overall plan." "The fine details have been left to me." "I take it I have you to thank for that, sir." "Well, I did have a quiet word with Brigadier Gatling." "He agreed that the main purpose of the exercise is to allow the maximum amount of initiative to the younger officer." "Of course, I had to promise to keep an eye on you." "Your artillery units are rather poorly clustered, aren't they?" "It's the problem of sighting, sir." "There are ample field positions from the southland that approach it:" "Blackheath, Richmond Park." "But not very much from the north and west?" "Well, it's very little open country, sir." "What about Hampstead Heath, Parliament Hill." "Now, there's a perfect position, direct line of fire right across the city." "If we can penetrate that far." "What the devil's your light armor doing?" "They could be down the A1 into hiding in three hours." "There'll be heavy civilian traffic, sir." "Well, get it off the road." "If you're gonna worry about civilian traffic, Trench, you're beaten before you begin." "But this is only an exercise, sir." "Simulated battle conditions, Trench." "Take the word of an old hand:" "Clear the roads" " and occupy the high ground." " Yes, sir." "Now what about the Air Force?" "The number 432 detachment is standing by to take Heathrow." "Aye, and if you get a strong wind, they'll be scattered all over the city." "But if the transports come in low..." "Infantry, Trench, infantry." "The only man you can depend on in battle is the man with two feet on the ground." "Bayonet in his hands." " (knock on door)" " Come in." "Ah, this will be the early surveys." "Thank you." "Oh, and when did you have them taken?" "Yesterday afternoon, sir." "Good thinking, Trench, good thinking." "The objective's in central London, sir." "Oh, yes." "What's this one?" "Buckingham Palace, sir." "Oh, so it is." "Yes, so it is." "I suppose it never occurred to you that you don't put leather in a washing machine?" "Oh, really, why not?" "Cows must get wet sometimes." "They don't run." "They're not dyed." "Tell you what I'll do, take them straight back and give them a thorough bleaching." "Don't worry, just swipe somebody else's next time." ""In the First World War, the Highland Guard" ""took part in the assault on Vimy Ridge" ""and was reduced to three officers, 12 men and two horses, thus achieving undying fame."" "An unfortunate choice of words." ""They re-formed and fought with distinguished gallantry" ""throughout the Second World War," ""and are now stationed at Maroon Barracks," "South Kensington."" " That's handy." " Aren't you interested?" "Should I be?" "Or more to the point, you can tell me something about Captain Trench." "Well, he's the adjutant of the regiment." "He made out the report on Corporal Craig's death." "Now, Corporal Craig, according to the report, was cleaning an automatic rifle, the thing went off, and fired three shots into his chest." "Three, that's careless." "Army Intelligence thought so, too." "They took the precaution of exhuming his body a very short time ago and they found that the three bullets had been fired by different rifles." "Why can't Army Intelligence handle it themselves?" "Well, it has rather wide implications." "Now what I want you to do is to get in touch with Captain Trench and kind of, well, infiltrate the regiment." "Won't I be noticed?" "Ah, hah!" "He runs all sorts of extra activities, you know," "Civil Defense, for instance." "Meals on Wheels, that sort of thing?" "And do you know that his team run a very good form of instruction." "They even have unarmed combat." "How very fortuitous." "Aha." "All right, lads." "Now as far as a rear attack goes..." "All right, Collins." "You wouldn't last long with that approach, Mr. Collins." "Use your other arm." "Left arm for the stranglehold, right hand free to get the rifle." "Now, try it again." "Oof!" "Let me show you." "All right, sergeant." "Sergeant:" "Sir." "Try this one again." " Can I help you?" " I hope so." "This is the Civil Defense Center, isn't it?" " Yes, it is, yes." " Oh, good." "Well, I've just enrolled at the Town Hall." "They told me to come straight here." "I'm afraid they've made a mistake." "Oh, why?" "Well, ladies' classes are held in the evenings, after-bond care, field kitchens, that sort of thing." "Tuesdays and Thursdays, I think it is." "Oh, but I've enrolled for the unarmed combat course." "Oh." "Oh, well, then you have come to the right place." "My name is Trench." "And yours?" "Gale, Mrs. Catherine Gale." "Right, Mrs. Gale." "Do you know anything at all about unarmed combat?" "A little." "Well, I suppose we could try you on a few simple holds." " Sergeant Marsh." " Sir?" "Have a breather, boys." "This is Mrs. Gale." "She'll be joining the course." "How do you do?" "Now, Mrs. Gale, supposing, for example, you were faced with a knife attack." "Now, how would you deal with that?" " Frontal or rear?" " Let's say frontal." "Assume the sergeant here has a knife." "So sorry." " Is that all right?" " Very good." "Now, let's try a surprise attack from the rear." " (trainees laugh)" " Excellent." "That will be all for now." " Thank you." " Pleasure, Mrs. Gale." "That'll be all, sergeant." "Marsh:" "All right, boys." "May I asked where you learned, Mrs. Gale?" "In Edinburgh." "An uncle of mine taught me." "He seems to have made a good job of it." "Did he teach you anything else?" "Yes, a little swordwork, backsword mainly." "Really?" "Yes, I was trained with a claymore." "That's unusual." "Well, really, it's a family heirloom." "One of my ancestors fought with Charles Edward Stuart at Prestonpans." "That's interesting." "Which clan?" "Clan Ranald of Moidart." "Hmm." "Mrs. Gale, you should meet my, uh, my colonel, the honorary colonel of my regiment." "His ancestors were Stuarts." "Really?" "Yes, I'd like to." "Would this evening be too soon?" "This evening?" "Yes, we're having a regimental cocktail party in the mess hall." "Perhaps you'd care to be my guest." "Yes, I'd like to." "(party chatter)" "Ah, yes, indeed that was in '18 just before the Armistice." "No, it couldn't have been, my dear, because you remember Kim was wounded in the July." "Well, anyway he could come down the line to inspect our forward positions, you see, and Kim had rigged up some kind of rudimentary shower bath in one of the trenches, and there he was standing naked as on the day he was born." "Would you like another whiskey, dear?" "Yes, of course." "Ah, yes." "All of a sudden this staff lieutenant comes marching in, you see." ""Excuse me, sir," he says," ""but Field Marshal Haig would like a word with you."" ""Send him in," Kim said." "And there you are standing without a stitch of clothing on, and in marches Haig." "Red as a beet, well, of course." " Captain Trench." " Lady Bollinger." "I'm sorry I'm late, colonel." "Oh, yes, just you to butt in and spoil a good story, eh?" " I'm sorry, sir." " Well, now, don't go away before you've introduced us to your lady friend." "Mrs. Catherine Gale, Lady Bollinger." " How do you do?" " Brigadier General." "Sir Ian Stuart-Bollinger, honorary colonel of the regiment." "Oh, how do you do?" "And this is Major Steed." "He used to be in the tank corps before he was bowler-hatted." "How do you do?" "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Gale." "Pleasure's mine." "Yes, Major Steed is writing a history of the Highland regiments." "I'm just giving him a little bit of background." "Would you like a drink, Mrs. Gale?" " Yes, thank you." " Excuse me, sir, the band would like to know if there's any special tune you'd like them to play?" "Well, let's have the old Jacobite battle hymn," ""The White Cockade," unless any of you has any objections, of course?" "I'm sure Mrs. Gale hasn't." "One of her antecedents fought with Charles Edward." " Oh, ho." " Lord Cameron of Loch Eil." "Oh, then you're more than welcome here." "The Braes of Mar, yes." "Trench, let's have "The White Cockade."" "My dear, we really ought to go and talk to the Fergusons." "They've been trying to get your attention all evening." "Oh, yes, of course." "Well, Steed," "I shall have to ask you to excuse us." "Now, you look after Mrs. Gale." "I haven't finished that story." "I'm coming back." "I'm coming back." " I'll have to explain." " Explain what?" "I spent the whole afternoon with that crashing bore Trench because you wanted me to infiltrate the regiment." "Now I find it was a sheer waste of a time." " Why?" " (bagpipes play)" "Well, you seem to have got well wrapped in." "That's army tactics." "It's a pincer movement." "You take care of Trench, I get pally with the general." "Given a choice, I think I prefer the general." "Well, you've caught his eye anyway for the evening." "What do you think he's got to do with Corporal Craig?" "After all he's been retired from the regiment for five years." "His record." "He has a good deal of influence here, particularly on this army exercise." "Now, if you'd glean a few details for me" " if you get the opportunity." " Oh, you were saying," "Major Steed, about the attack on Bizerte?" "Yes, we were going along the coast road and Rommel opened fired with his .75 millimeters on our right flank." " From the sea, major?" " I beg your pardon?" "If you were bouncing along the coast road to Bizerte, your right flank would have been the Mediterranean." "Steed:" "We went round in circles." "I don't seem to recall that." "Were you there, young man?" "No, but I've learned all I can about the Desert Campaign." "Don't believe all you read." "The complexities of the campaign will be revealed in my next volume." "I'll send you an advance copy." "Excuse me, Mrs. Gale." "Everybody seems to have a different version." "Yes, I suppose everybody sees a battle differently." "Ah, Trench, go and rescue my poor wife, will you?" "That blasted Ferguson woman's got her trapped there in a corner." " Yes, sir." " Where's Steed?" "I was telling him some of the exploits of my wilder colleagues in the Highland brigade in the Great War, but I don't suppose you're interested in that, Mrs. Gale." "Well, as a matter of fact, I am." "I've just finished reading." "Bentall's "History of World War I."" " I found it fascinating." " Oh, how interesting." "Who is she?" "Who?" "You know who." "That blonde." "Oh, Mrs. Gale." "Just a friend." "Well, be careful." "You're beginning to behave like an officer." "Be a pity if I had to return you to the ranks." "Who goes there?" "Goodness me, I'm terribly sorry." "I'm a friend." "Uh, I've lost my way." "I only want to find my way back to the mess." "Sorry, I was having a little breather here and couldn't find my way back." "Right down there, left at the end." "That's very good of you, thank you." " Good night." " Night, sir." "Cigarette, Henry?" "What's come over you?" "Ah, well, make the most of it." "What did that toffee-nosed bloke want?" "He was looking for the mess." "Said he'd lost his way." "Well, he would, wouldn't he?" "Well, as far as I can make out from the general, the major objectives of the exercise are these." "Highly desirable." "The central telegraph office, St. Martin's Le Grand, the Air Ministry, the Admiralty, the War Office, the Ministry of Defense and New Scotland Yard." " And that tallies." " Tallies with what?" "With the military requirements they submitted to the War Office for approval." " How do you know?" " I had an early look at them." "Well, if you already know, there's not much point in my going on, is there?" "Well, we'll just compare notes, see if they check." "Suppose you tell me what you know?" "It's called Operation Claymore." "Now, surprise me." "It's to start two hours before dawn next Wednesday." "Its prime reason is the mock defense of London against imaginary enemy attack." "What's the ultimate purpose of the show?" "Huh." "Keep the troops on their toes, I should think." "War Office are very keen on these peacetime maneuvers." "They go to a lot of trouble." "What's all this got to do with Corporal Craig?" "Very little as far as I can see, and this evening produced nothing positive." "What are you going to do now?" "I'm going to return to barracks." "I should have thought you'd have had enough." "I certainly have." "When the bugle sounds, duty calls, and there I am." "Oh, well, if you feel that way you might as well reenlist." "No, I'm waiting for a national emergency for that." "For the moment, I'm just doing a little recce." "Anything you want to draw from stores?" "Yes, but I doubt if you'd issue it." "(laughs)" " (whistle call)" " Who goes there?" "Captain Trench." "Everything all quiet, Asquith?" "Aye, sir, all quiet, sir." "Carry on." "(clatter)" "Aah!" "You hungry, Major Steed?" "(theme music)" "(theme music)" "How much ammunition was there in the cookhouse?" "Enough to fight an entire campaign." "I presume there is an official ammunition store at Maroon Barracks." "Well, of course, there is." "This is a little private enterprise within the regiment." "Private Jessop?" "It's hardly likely, I wouldn't think." "Well, he was the one who took the bribe." "Precisely." "He had me at the point of a gun." "If the stuff had been his, I doubt if I'd be here now." "Can you imagine a private nicking the contents of an arsenal, taking over a cookhouse, ha, and mounting a guard over it?" "It would certainly earn him the Outward Bound prize for individual initiative." "It just earned him 50 quid from me." "Surely only an officer can authorize the mounting of a guard." " Trench." " Oh, Steed!" "There are about 30 other officers in the regiment." "Why pick on him?" "A... 'Cause he's the adjutant." "He must know about the guard." "B..." "I saw him checking the sentry, and C..." "'Cause it could explain." " Corporal Craig's death." " What could?" "Well, Corporal Craig could have stumbled on the cookhouse the same way as I did and not been lucky enough to find anyone as conveniently corrupt as Jessop." "And was shot there and then." "With three different rifles?" "Have you found out yet who he is?" "Oh, he's definitely an ex-officer." "Are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure." "You can always tell." "Major Steed's a gentleman." "But what's he always hanging around for?" "Well, you know, they tell he's writing a book." "What on, laundry?" "Steed:" "Ow!" "Oh!" "Are you all right, sir?" "Well, I don't know if you can do any better with it." "I'll give you a hand, sir." "It's quite simple, really." "There you are." "Must have got badly stuck." "There she goes." "There you are." "Ah, you're a clever girl, aren't you?" "Wonderful." "We'll win the campaign this way." " That's beautiful." " There we are." "Anyway, I'll have a good night's sleep, won't I?" "Thank you very much, my dear." "Oh, no, I've gone and ruined the entire thing." "You'll never do it that way, sir." "Look, just lift one end up." "Oh, really, I'm sorry." "There you are." "Now, just bring your end to me." "Ah, simple when you know how." "Just..." "Do you happen to know that your husband was murdered?" "I beg your pardon?" "Or was it because he was afrightened of your boyfriend?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "You and Captain Trench used to go together when he was a corporal in Aldershot." "Then Corporal Craig came along, you married him instead, and Trench never forgave him." "Who told you all this?" "You tried to still go with Trench, hoping that your husband wouldn't find out, but he did and he thumped Trench all around the barracks." "Let go of me." "Accessory to murder, that could put you away" " for a long time." " Murder?" "My husband was executed." "He was a traitor." "Unarmed combat is to prevent your antagonist from crying out and giving the alarm." "Now, where would you say was the most important part of the body to concentrate on in order to achieve that?" "The throat, I imagine." "Almost correct, the larynx to be exact." "Let me give you an example." "I'll just use a very slight pressure and you'll see what I mean." "(choking)" "Am I hurting?" "Mrs. Gale." "Oh, that's what I call the true Highland spirit, lass." "You mustn't stand any nonsense from Trench, you know." "He is a good soldier, but he was born on the wrong side of the tropic." "I'll, uh, go and get changed." "Uh, It's you I really wanted to see, Mrs. Gale." "Oh, what about?" "I wonder..." "I wonder if you would meet me in the mess after lunch?" "All right." "I don't know my husband insists on having all these trophies on display every time he throws a regimental party." "It only means I've got to take them all home again." "Oh, a joy to have them." "Oh, isn't that a Jacobean goblet?" " Yes, it is." " May I see it?" "I'm afraid I can't be very much help to you, Major Steed." "I'm sure you can be a great help, Lady Bollinger." "It's not the factual research I'm after." "It's personal experiences." "I want my book to come alive." " You know?" " Oh, yes, quite." "I'm particularly interested in your husband." "I'm going to devote an entire chapter to him." "Now shouldn't you be directing your questions to him rather than me?" "Oh, he's so, what's the word, deferential about his achievements." "(laughs) Oh, do you really think so?" "Well, I suppose he has done a very good deal for his country." "And still is, despite the fact that he's retired." "I'm afraid you touched on rather a sore point there, major." "You would have liked him to retire completely?" "The extraordinary thing is he did to begin with." "For two years he had practically no contact with the army." "He was totally immersed in his studies." " What studies?" " Why, Scottish history." "It became his absorbing passion." "Do you know he even wanted us to retire to the Highlands?" "Well, I'm afraid I wouldn't hear of it." "I should miss London dreadfully." "Of course." "Then he got into lineage and tracing clan antecedents, finally down to our adopted son, James." "I don't quite see the connection?" "Neither did I, and I can assure you, neither did the College of Heralds." "But he simply regards that as Sassenach antagonism." " You mean..." " He has decided he has definite proof that our son James is the rightful heir to the throne of Scotland and thus the throne of England as well." "What does your son think about this?" "James?" "Well, I'm afraid he couldn't care less." "He seems perfectly happy in his chosen profession." "Which is?" "Well, we don't usually talk about this outside the family, major, but he's a bookmaker in Halifax." "Oh." "We should never have sent him to Eton." "To return to your husband's renewed military interests..." "Well, the two seem to be connected." "Now, that's what worries me." "But as I said, he is convinced that the Stuarts were cheated of the throne." "And that your son, the bookmaker..." "Well, precisely." "The military side will be purely our concern." "When this phase has been accomplished, however, we shall naturally count on your support to consolidate positions." "That might not be as easy as you think." "I can only guarantee a cruiser spot-and-look, because it's under my personal command, but I can't speak for the rest of the home fleet." "I understood they were on maneuvers off the Azores." "Well, so they are, but they're still within range of carrier-based aircraft, and the Med fleet's even closer." "It'll be under steam in Gibraltar Wednesday morning." "They'll take an order from the Admiralty." "Precisely, and the whole damn lot will be back in the Channel by Saturday." "I don't think you fully understand, Harry." "By 8:00 on Wednesday morning, the Admiralty will be in our hands." "You don't honestly think the First Sea Lord's going to order the fleet to heave to because you tell him to." "By 8:30 you will be the First Sea Lord, just as Bruce here will be the Air Chief Marshal, and Duncan over there in charge of all marine forces." "But what about political administration?" "There won't be any political administration." "Well, then how the devil are you going to run the country?" "The country will be placed under the sovereignty of the Royal House of Stuart with military and naval advisors." "I'll go along with that, but I'm very doubtful you can pull it off." "You just don't have the forces available." "How many men had Charles Edward Stuart when he drove the Hanoverians down from the Highlands to Derby?" "A mere handful!" "I've got a regiment." "Yes, but you're up against modern atomic weapons." "They're useless, Harry, useless, the whole damn lot of them, because nobody dares to let them off." "By the time my men are in key positions, the only way to get them out will be by hand-to-hand fighting." "By that time it'll be too late because we shall be in power." "Gentlemen, I give you a toast." "To the Royal House of Stuart." " (glasses shatter) - (alarm bell rings)" " What is it?" " Fire in the barracks, sir." " Where's the fire?" " Down the corridor." "See what can be done about this immediately." "(fire alarm continues)" "Major Steed, you're under arrest." "Not again." "Guard." "Oh, I'm terribly sorry to have kept you waiting, Mrs. Gale." "We had a little bit of a fracas over in the admin block." "Yes, I heard the fire alarm." "Nothing serious, I hope?" "No, it's all under control now, thank you." "Good." "What was it you wanted to see me about?" "Well, I think we should talk in my office." "Oh, I didn't know you had an office here." "No, officially, since I'm retired," "I haven't got an office in the barracks, but you know I like a pied-à-terre, and the adjutant let me have this little place." "I've fitted it out myself." "After you, Mrs. Gale." "Well, now, can I get you a drink?" "Thanks." " Whiskey?" " That'll be fine." "I've got something rather special here." "I have it sent all the way down from Aberdeen." "It's 25 years old and very finely blended." "There you are." " Sláinte." " Sláinte." "Now, what do you think of my collection?" "Very fine." "No, It won't always be like this, Mrs. Gale, hiding my treasures away in a cupboard in order to avoid being made an object of ridicule." "I intend to retire to Inverness and start living the sort of life I've always wanted with all my clansmen around me and a thousand acres of moor under my feet." "I'm tired of being an exile from my native land and as soon as this is over..." "As soon as what's over, General?" "Mrs. Gale, have you ever tried to trace your family history?" "Once, but I gave up when I got to my great-grandfather." "Well, I've taken the trouble to go a good bit further than that." "When Trench told me that you were... you were a Clan Ranald," "I thought he was putting it all on for my benefit, but I'm not quite such an old fool as he seems to think, you know." "I never thought you were, General." "No, look at these lineage charts, Mrs. Gale." "How on earth did you manage to compile these?" "I got them from the curator of the Bruce Museum in Kinross." "He's probably the most learned Highland historian in the whole country." "He's a very good friend of mine." " Can you follow that?" " Mm-hmm." "Just about." "You see, it shows a pure line right back to Kinlochmoidart in the 15th century." "Clan Ranald, as you see, became the MacDonalds of Clan Ranald." "And the MacDonalds of Clan Ranald harbored Charles Edward Stuart when he returned from France to lead the Jacobites." "Yes, I did know that." "What you probably did not know was that Charles Stuart had a bastard son by Agnes MacDonald, your 18th grandmother." "No, that's news to me." "It's always been a close secret." "General, I don't quite see what you're getting at." "Look at the chart, Mrs. Gale." "Come right up to the present day." "Now, whom do you see there in direct succession from that union?" "Well, on the one line, James Stuart-Bollinger." "Yeah, my adopted son." "And failing him?" "Yourself." "Oh, so I'm related to your adopted son?" "More than that, it means that you're second in line of succession to the Scottish throne." "Me?" "Why, that's fantastic." "Nevertheless it's true." "My son has refused it." " I'm not going to press him." " Refuse what?" "The Crown." "In 24 hours' time, you'll hold yourself ready to take up the accession." "You'll be known to your subjects as Queen Anne II." "(military drum cadence)" "(Trench issues marching commands)" "Escort, halt!" "(drum cadence)" "Sergeant, halt!" "Stand at ease!" "Now to the court-martial." "I thought I was entitled to an officer to defend me." "This is a drumhead court-martial." "But those are only held on the battlefield." "Or on the eve of battle where there's no time to conduct a full inquiry." "Has the prisoner been searched for weapons?" "Yes, sir, no weapons." "Right." "Escort platoon, front!" "Peck." "Escort, stand at ease." "Bring the prisoner forward." "Trench:" "Platoon, one pace forward, march." "Now, Trench, read out the charges." "One, that the prisoner, Major John Steed, on the afternoon of the 5th of March did cause malicious damage to be occasioned to one smoke bomb, being the property of our sovereign lady, the queen." "Have you any answer to the first charge, Steed?" "It was an accident, sir." "I was giving one of your chaps a hand." "And that he did bribe a private soldier to assist him in this act." "Where is the man he bribed?" "He's in the guardhouse, sir." "He's admitted the evidence." "Oh, come, come now." "That's not good enough, Trench." "I should like him called as a witness." "Yes, certainly you're entitled to that." "I'm afraid he's not able to appear, sir." "He was injured while resisting an arrest, but he signed a full statement of confession." "Oh, no, no, I can't accept that as evidence." "Then may I proceed with the next charge?" "Well, provided it's better substantiated" " than the first one." " Hear, hear." "That the said Major Steed by thus setting up an alarm..." "Now, hold on a minute." "It hasn't been proved that I did set up an alarm." "The charge stands without it, sir." "Very well, then." "Let's hear it." "He had obtained access to a secret staff meeting and examined documents relating thereto." " With what intent?" " In my view, sir..." "No, no, let Steed answer that." "Would you repeat the question?" "What was your intention in examining those secret documents?" "To see if they were secret." "For all I knew they might have been doodles." "Having discovered that they were indeed secret what did you propose to do with them?" "To destroy them, of course, sir." "I was just in the process of chewing them up when your young captain here came bumbling in." "Bring forward exhibit A." "Oh, ho, so we have a second spy amongst us, eh?" "I demand the same penalty as for Corporal Craig, sir." "Before I pass sentence, Steed, have you anything to say for yourself?" "No." "Trench:" "Escort, front!" "Major Steed, as presiding officer of this field court-martial," "I hereby sentence you to be executed by firing squad in accordance with military tradition." " Excuse me, sir." " Hmm?" "If you could delay the execution a little," "I'd like time to interrogate him first." "Very well, captain, I'll leave that to you." "Confine the prisoner." "It's a pity about that, sir, as you'd done quite good." "So never mind." "Dead quick." "(theme music)" "(theme music)" "Ah, Trench, well, I must say" "I consider our plan of attack for tomorrow morning to be absolutely foolproof." "I hope so, sir, but I'm worried about Steed." "I couldn't break him down in interrogation, sir, but he was clearly working for someone and presumably passing back information" " as fast as he got it." " Now, what do you mean?" "Suppose he was working for the War Office." "They could know exactly what we've planned and be sitting there waiting for us tomorrow morning." "What are you suggesting?" "My men are ready now, general." "We could have them on the road in an hour's time if necessary." "The longer we wait, the more risk there is of discovery." "Yes, you may be right." "Undue delay is bad for the troops' morale." "All right, but give me two hours." "I have some preparations of my own to make." " Right, sir." " Well, I'll not say good luck now because I want you to give me a call half an hour before you give the order to attack." "I may have some final instructions myself." "But that won't leave me much time." "Now, now, now, relax, Trench." "Relax." "And that's an order." "Chablanc '58, sir." "That's a lousy year." "Can't you do anything better than that?" "Well, we have a Cordon Verte but it's a bit on the sharp side." "My last meal on earth and all you can provide is a '58." "What sort of officer's mess is this?" "I don't know." "It's very poor on champers." "It's dead poor." "Oh, sorry." "When I was in the Pioneer Corps, you know we had a beautiful cellar." "Oh, beautiful." "I wish you'd stayed in the Pioneer Corps." "Why?" "Miss all the perks I get here?" "(Chuckles)" "Look, if you're going to open that, you better be quick." "I'm going to be shot in half an hour." "Right, doesn't give you much time, does it?" "Oh, careful." "Jessop, can't we get divorced just until I've finished my meal?" "Oh, no, sir it's more than my job's worth, sir." "Here, gulp that down." " All right?" " Augh." "It'll ruin the pheasant." "Have some yourself." "No, thank you very much." " Jessop." " Sir?" "Would you reach into my hip pocket?" "We can find our wallet here." "(chuckles)" "It's not worth it, sir." " Why not?" " There's nothing in it." "Don't forget, I searched you." "Jessop, let's be done with the dancing, okay?" "Look, you helped me before." "Oh, I didn't help you, sir." "I just didn't see you." "It's different now, see?" "I'm under orders." "You're not going to catch me up against that wall like good old Craig." "Oh, that was very unpleasant." " Were you there?" " I was detailed." "Part of the firing squad?" "Orders is orders." "Major, I aimed for his left arm." "I could accord you the same privilege if you like, sir." "Well, that's very thoughtful of you, Jessop." "Wouldn't do you any good, though." "The rest are red hot." "Would you like the cheese board to follow, sir?" "Thank you." "How about an IOU?" "Oh, no." "5,000 quid?" "Without wishing to be disrespectful, sir, your credit's a bit dicey at the moment, isn't it?" "Knife." "Come on." "If you're thinking of us going through that window, sir," "I'm 15 stone." "It's electrified, okay?" "It's all so ridiculous, Mrs. Gale." "You're living in a dream world." "That regiment standing by in St. James's Park isn't a dream world." "But that's for a ceremonial parade." " They won't be armed." " Are you sure?" "It's quite impossible to issue entire regiment with arms and ammunition without the War Office knowing about it." "The three platoons under Captain Trench coming in from the suburbs are armed." "The stuff must have been pilfered over a long period." "That might be possible for three platoons, but how did you know about this, Mrs. Gale?" "I've been getting quite friendly with Captain Trench." "Then I'm sorry for you." "Are you speaking from experience?" "I'm afraid I am." "I see now that I was a complete fool." "Of course, he played on my affections for all he was worth." "He's ruthless and ambitious and completely untrustworthy." "Does your husband share this view?" "I don't know what he thinks of him." "I can't make out the relationship at all." "I'd hoped you would know something about that." "I only know that if you want to prevent your husband ending up on a treason trial..." " Treason trial?" " (phone rings)" "Excuse me." "(ring ring)" "Hello?" "Yes, it is." "Oh, yes, she is." "Just a moment." "It's your husband." "Oh." "Hello?" "Yes." "Yes, I am." "Oh, well, hang on a moment." "I'll ask her." "He just wanted to know if you'd like to come to the mess tonight?" "Yes, I'd love to." "She'd love to, dear." "You'll be late, will you?" "Why?" "Where are you?" "Oh." "Well, is everything all right?" "No, no, no, I just wondered." "Goodbye, dear." "He was phoning from the War Office." "(bagpipes play)" "Squad, halt." "Carry on, sergeant." "Sir." "Forward, step right." "Forward, step march." "(bagpipes resume)" "(bagpipes approach)" "Oh, well, they're playing our tune." "(Trench issuing orders)" "(bagpipes stop)" " Prisoner and escort." " Sir." "About wheel, straight march." "Escort will retire to the firing squad." "Squad, load." "Aim." "Fire." "Arms unload!" "(clacking, bullets falling)" "Slope arms!" "Private Jessop." " March away, sergeant." " Sir." "Squad, around right!" "(issues marching order)" "(bagpipes play)" "I have an urgent appointment with the general." "I'll leave you to dispose of the body." "Very good, sir." "Are you sure this tie pin's worth 750 guineas, sir?" "Ask any Bond Street jeweler." "'Cause the lads will be pretty toffed off if you pulled a fast one on them." "I suppose you realize if I was really dead you could have had that anyway." "What, loot your dead body?" "Oh, no, no, no." "There's some honor left in this regiment." "I'm very glad to hear it, Jessop." "Besides, if I got caught I'd get two years in the guardhouse." "(bagpipes play)" "Evening." "Aren't you joining in?" "No, I'm not very good at it." "That might be a black mark against you in the general's eye." "Have you seen him by any chance?" "No, I talked to him on the telephone about an hour ago." "Why?" "It's just that I had an appointment with him and he's not normally late." "Maybe he's with Major Steed?" "What makes you say that?" "Well, Major Steed was invited tonight but he hasn't turned up, either." "Really?" "(bagpipes stop)" "Ladies and gentlemen... ladies and gentlemen," "I apologize for interrupting your enjoyment, but I have a grave announcement to make." "Ladies and gentlemen, fellow officers, many of you must have wondered why I've been taking such an active interest in my old regiment now that I'm officially retired." "I know my wife certainly did." "I think she put it down to the senile sentimentality of an old soldier." " (laughter and murmuring)" " It's given me some distress that I was unable to explain my activity to her, but now I'm in a position to tell you all." "Ian, you're drunk." "On the contrary, my dear," "I've never been more sober in my life." "Ladies and gentlemen, over the past few months" "I have been able to discover details of a treasonable military plot against Her Majesty's government." "Within the past half hour," "I have submitted these details to the Chiefs of Staff in the War Office." "Seize that man!" "Put him under close arrest." "Keep him in the guardroom." "Piper, play us a reel, please." "Ladies and gentlemen, on with the dance." "(bagpipes play)" "(no audible dialogue)" "Excuse me, sir, the War Office are on the phone." "They want to speak to you, sir." "Yes, thank you." "What do you make of that?" "It doesn't add up, Steed." "If the general were out to expose the plot, why would he wait until the troops are ready to march?" "Unless he needed positive proof against Trench." "That Jacobite kick of his is genuine." "He even convinced himself" "I was descended from Bonnie Prince Charlie." "What?" "!" "He thinks I'm Queen Anne II." "If you'd been around you'd have got an invitation to my coronation." "If I'd known I needn't have gone in front of a firing squad." "I'd have applied to you for a royal pardon." "As it is I lost my best diamond tie pin." "Why would he continue with the firing squad?" "Even if he was trying to keep an act up in front of Trench, that's going a bit far." "Just a little." "Down, Rover." "Trench's troops are already on the march." "One of his columns has just reached Hampton Central." "Fellow officers, ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?" "Within the past 15 minutes," "On a signal from Captain Trench, insurrectionist troops have begun to advance on London." "The War Office have requested me to assume command of this regiment and organize the defense of the city." "Gentlemen, you will return and report immediately to your unit commanders." "Arms and ammunition are being issued now." "A very neat tactical maneuver." "The whole regiment is under arms with the full blessing of the War Office." "Better go and express my loyalty to the general." "Oh!" "Excuse me, Your Majesty." "Eight, nine..." "Excuse me, sir." "Signal, sir." "C Platoon have reached Piccadilly underpass." "Excellent." "Are we not going to join them, sir?" "We need you at HQ, Captain Trench." "Thank you, Jessop." "Jessop." "Give me that gun." "(gunshot)" "Didn't have much choice, did I?" "Have you not got Trench yet?" "No, sir." "I've tried all frequencies." "Well, keep on trying." "I hope there's not going to be bloodshed, General." "No, no, no, just a little sporadic firing to make it look convincing and then I shall order Trench to surrender." "And between us we'll be in command of all the key positions." "And when the government realizes what's happening..." "It'll be too late." "We'll have the city under martial law." "Excuse me, sir, I've got Queen Anne on the line." "She wants to see you in the mess hall immediately." "Oh, I can't possibly leave here now." "She said it's a royal summons, sir." "Oh, very well." "The general's on his way over now, ma'am." "They're on their way." "Fine." "Take that end." "Right." "Anywhere you like." "Thank you." "Steed:" "You may rise, General." "Afraid the operation's been canceled." "It's too late, Steed." "Trench is ordered to carry on if anything happens to me." "Trench is dead." "I'm afraid he had no intention of waiting till anything happened to you." "He was going to take over as soon as the coup succeeded." "I don't believe that." "The coup will succeed, it must succeed." "I've spent two years planning this." "That's what the War Office wants to know, general." "All right, General." "The CID would like a word with you." "You could have been on the throne of England." "The Stuarts might have been back in power." "Those lineage charts were fake, general." "I arranged it with the curator." "Thank goodness for that." "So..." "Well..." "It came with a lass, it'll go with a lass." "(theme music)"