"Come on, Al." "What's up?" "Woman over on Madison causing a public disturbance." "She's out on the sidewalk screaming at people." "Be nice to her." "That could be my mother." "She's been in some mood lately." "No." "It's no problem at all." "I'll come by in a couple of hours." "Okay." "No, it's my pleasure." "You bet." "Okay." "Great guy." "Who is that?" "Monsignor at my church." "He seems to have a little problem with the collection." "He wants me to come by and talk to him about it." "Hey." "Well, look at Mr. Sunshine." "What happened to you?" "Well, I beat the traffic on the way in." "I gave the guy at the toll a $10, he gave me back change for a $20." "I get to the diner, and I get the only English-speaking waitress in the place." "I'm three for three." "It's my day." "It is McNEIL day." "Well, I hate to break up your streak, pal." "Yep." "Don't do it." "Chief has a friend who is a D.A. Downtown." "Mm-hmm." "The guy's got a 12 year-old daughter that goes to the private school down the street." "Yep." "She's doing a story about the police for her school paper." "Chief says we have to take her on a ride-along this morning." "You've got to be kidding me." "What did you say?" "What could I say?" "No!" "You could say, "no."" "You could say, "no"-- a million times, "no."" "You didn't say, "no?"" "No." "I mean, I'm saying it now." "But you didn't say it then." "No." "No, of course not." "I'm not doing it." "I don't care." "I'm just not doing it." "I'm not going to sit in my car on this job with some 12 year-old, pre-Hormonal, oil producing little private school brat sitting in the back seat." "No way, not doing it." "Well, you better talk to the chief." "I'm going to talk to the chief right now." "Okay?" "You watch me." "I'm going to put my foot down." "I've had enough of this crap." "No, that's the answer." "No, we're not doing it." "Chief!" "I want to talk to you about-- you know, at one time I was seriously considering joining the priesthood." "You?" "Yeah." "I had an uncle who was a priest." "No, I take that back." "He used to dress like a priest to get the clergy discount at hotels and restaurants." "They get 10 percent off, did you know that?" "Well, that's really nice." "So what happened?" "Aw, the celibacy thing." "I couldn't imagine giving up sex." "Did you put your foot down?" "Yes." "You told him we weren't going to drive her around?" "Yes." "What did he say?" "I'll tell you in the car." "What?" "The car." "?" "This is modern day America?" "I wasn't doing anything." "I was standing there minding my own business." "That's not what we heard miss--sister." "What did you hear?" "That you were yelling things and making a scene." "I was speaking out against the objectification of women." "All those fancy stores on Madison avenue, they use women's bodies to sell their products." "Is that what the lord really wants?" "Well, I--I--I really haven't talked to him much lately, so I wouldn't-- there's a room in the back." "It's quiet." "I can get you a glass of water, and we can sort this out." "Okay?" "Thank you." "You are very kind." "Well, there she goes, the hot nun." "It reminds me of a movie I rented once, actually, more than once." "Oh, shut up." "Okay?" "I barely want to know about what you do here, never mind the rest of it, you little perv." "Oh, I'm not the only one." "Frank?" "What?" "Tell her." "Hot nuns." "Yeah." "Huge turn-on." "I had this nun in school-- had?" "Not that way, you sick little puke." "I didn't want to assume." "Sister Mary Edwards." "Oh, she used to grab me by the scruff of the neck and shake me so hard, I'd forget where I lived." "You know what was weird?" "What?" "I liked it." "See." "I looked forward to it." "I used to think of it later when I was alone." "If you know what I mean?" "Oh my god!" "You two are going to hell." "I hope you enjoy it." "We will." "I hear it's a dry heat." "All right, tell me again about the shaking-- slowly." "It's not that bad, mike." "We're talking about 45 minutes--an hour tops." "Not the point, pip." "I'm tired of him dumping this stuff in our lap, you know?" "Bust somebody else's balls for a change." "Hey, ixnay on the allsbay." "I'm sure she's heard it before." "She's 12." "You've got cable, right, sweetheart?" "My name is Kimberly, and we don't use bad language in our house." "Yeah, that's probably why I've never been invited over before." "Detective Phillips, could you, please, slow down?" "I get carsick." "Oh, I'm sorry, Kim." "Kimberly." "You might want to hold my gun." "So where do you live?" "With the other sisters." "What denomination are you?" "We're non-denominational." "Okay." "So you're not with a particular order?" "No." "I think it's wonderful how you work in the service of other people." "Um, thank you." "I hope the lord always smiles down on you and protects you." "That's very nice." "Anyway, sister, I need an address." "You in the city, or are you in" "she put her foot where?" "In my crotch." "Are you sure?" "I think I know my crotch pretty well." "And it wasn't my foot." "My feet were on the floor along with my jaw." "She was looking at me smiling while she was doing it." "Doing what?" "That nun put her foot in my crotch." "Oh, my god." "Let me in there." "No." "You're not getting involved." "Jan, I'm already involved... emotionally." "Two minutes." "I'll go in, get the foot and I'm out." "Stop it." "Stop it." "She's probably just a little uncomfortable talking to a man." "I will go in there and deal with it." "You liked it, didn't you?" "It was all right." "Can I ask you some questions for my article?" "Sure." "I can't answer too many questions, though, because I get carsick." "Okay." "How many unarmed men have you shot?" "What?" "How many unarmed men have you shot?" "What kind of article is this?" "It's about police brutality." "I want to be an investigative reporter." "Okay." "Unarmed men, let me think." "This week--six-- no, seven." "I got one on the way into work this morning." "Will you cut it out?" "She's writing it down." "So you think it's right shooting unarmed people?" "Well, I don't know if it's right, but it makes a lot more sense than shooting the armed ones." "Those guys are dangerous." "Have you taken a bribe?" "No." "Oh, you mean this week?" "I mean ever." "Oh, ever." "Well, we all take bribes." "You see, Kimmy, we're a lot like waiters." "We get a lot of our income from our tips." "You call them bribes;" "I call them tips." "I think tips sounds better." "You want a smoke." "No, thank you." "Second-hand smoke kills." "Yeah." "Not fast enough, apparently." "We were just wondering if there was anyone that we can call for you?" "Do you have a mother superior or something like that?" "No." "Uh-huh." "You know, don't take this the wrong way, but you're not like any other nun I've ever met." "What's your name again?" "Jan." "I like you, Jan." "You're a very considerate person." "Oh, thank you very much, but I think we should probably get back" "I got the foot." "Really?" "All of it." "You know, the nuns I knew back in school never really veered to far from the whole knuckle area when it came to physical contact." "The girl is like in a whole different neighborhood." "So what do we do now?" "Well, short of tying her legs to the chair," "I don't really know." "Are you sure, Al?" "I mean she is a tough one." "So you think someone's been stealing from the collection plate?" "Think?" "We know that." "We know what's happening." "Why even one of the ushers saw the person who was doing it." "Well, who's the culprit?" "O'malley." "Excuse me, frank." "It's O'malley." "That whole family's scum." "Now, it's not up to us to be judging our brothers." "Sorry." "But I do agree, he drinks like a fish." "And that older son of his-- so what do you want me to do, monsignor?" "Frank, maybe you could talk to him." "He's right outside, waiting to come to confession." "Well, if he's coming into confession, maybe he'll mention it to you." "Confession is going to be a little late today." "One of my parishioners made me a fish stew last night, and I think it's starting to work in mysterious ways." "Oh, excuse me, frank." "I think I'm going to be sick." "Sure." "You'll stay?" "Yeah, right here." "Yep, when it comes to planting evidence, nobody can touch me." "It's like I've got a gift." "Don't write that down though, kid, that'll get me in trouble." "You're supposed to be helping me." "What do you think I'm doing?" "I think you're making things up." "You're treating me like I'm just a kid, so who cares?" "You're not nice." "Hey." "There's a headline." "I'm not nice." "Took me five years to figure that out." "She got it in 20 minutes." "You've got a future ahead of you, girl." "I'm going across the street for coffee." "Do you want something?" "What are you talking about?" "Why are you going?" "We got a little helper here?" "I'm not sending her for coffee." "Why not." "She's 12 years-old." "So what?" "There's an age requirement for getting caffeine now?" "Hey, kid." "You've got to get the coffee." "You want to be part of the team?" "You've got to get the coffee." "I'll get it." "I don't care." "Good." "So get us two large blacks, no sugar, and get something for yourself." "I'm telling my dad you made me do this, and I'm telling him you said, b-A-I-I-S." "What?" "You had your fun." "Cut the kid some slack." "I'll cut her some slack, but first I want to stop up at 65th and have her pick up my dry cleaning." "Oooo." "Oh yeah, daddy." "All is forgiven." "It's been ten minutes." "So maybe there is a line." "Ah." "Now we have to get out of the car." "You had to send her for coffee." "She wanted to, man." "Look at this." "What's that?" "It's her pencil." "How do you know it's hers?" "Yeah, like somebody else in here lost a little mermaid pencil." "You sure you didn't see her?" "I don't see who comes in." "I'm busy." "Is there a back way out?" "Yeah." "Where?" "In the back." "In the back." "Father?" "Oh, hey." "How are you doing?" "Who are you?" "I'm a friend of the Monsignor's." "I'm helping him out." "Oh." "People are asking when confession's going to start." "Well, the Monsignor's not-- you know what?" "Tell them I'll be right with them." "Go ahead." "Get out of here." "Peace be with you." "And also with you, baby." "I have bad news." "What?" "We just lost a 12 year-old daughter of a D.A." "I've got worse news." "What?" "She's got my five bucks." "I don't think she's a nun." "If she is, she's my favorite nun." "Mine too." "You lost the D.A.'S daughter?" "How is that possible?" "Look, I told him it wasn't a good idea to begin with." "Our plate was already full, and then they throw this at us." "He sent her for the coffee." "Oh, Michael." "It's not like I sent her for the nuclear waste." "It was coffee." "We started to look for her, but there's too much ground to cover." "We figured if everybody helps us, we could find her." "Okay, what does she look like?" "I don't know." "She's a 12 year-old girl." "I had no reason to look at her." "Oh, well, it's nice to see you have some parameters." "She's about this tall, brown hair." "She's wearing a school uniform, plaid skirt, white buttoned-down blouse, white knee socks." "Right." "We lost her at 96th." "I'll take 10 blocks south." "I'll go west to the park." "We'll go two blocks north and then, east." "All right." "What do we do about the nun?" "What nun?" "We've got this nun in the back." "We don't know where she's from." "We can't get any information out of her." "I've got a cousin who's a priest, and I can have him come down and take a look." "Tell him to wear a cup." "And bring 10 dollars in singles." "Fendrich, 21st." "Uh, let me check." "It's the D.A." "We're not here." "Hi." "They're in the field right now." "That's perfect if you call back." "Thank you very much." "Bye." "What's her name?" "Kimberly." "Kimberly what?" "Kimberly we're going to be screwed if we don't find her." "Where's frank?" "And I touched myself in an impure way one time." "That's it?" "What?" "I've got a sense that you're not telling me something." "It's like something's weighing on you." "Who am I speaking with?" "You're not the monsignor." "Ah, no." "I'm father Francis from out of town." "I'm here as part of a priest exchange program." "So that thing that's bothering you, you're not telling me." "There is something, father." "Go for it." "What?" "Go ahead, my son." "Well, I've strayed outside my marriage bed." "Oh, well, that's not what I'm talking about, but what the heck." "Go ahead." "My wife was out of town for a week, and her sister come over one night to drop off a casserole." "Oh, boy." "What?" "Keep going." "Yeah." "All right." "Michael?" "No." "No." "No." "She's a redhead." "We're looking for a brown-haired girl." "You think she ran away and got a dye job?" "But her name's Kimberly." "What do you want from me?" "I told you." "My father works for the mets." "He's going to sue." "If he works for the mets, he should." "Come on." "I'll take you home." "It just got out of hand, father." "You know, a dollar here, a dollar there." "I'm so sorry." "I don't know how you knew, but I'm real glad you got it out of me." "You're a mind reader." "It's not me, my son." "It's him." "So here's what I want you to do." "I want you to make restitution to the church as best you can, and promise me you'll never steal again." "I promise." "Make sure none of those other lushes get sticky fingers, capice?" "Absolutely." "All right." "Go in peace, and thanks for stopping by." "What church are you from?" "Tell your story walking, buddy." "You're hogging the booth." "I don't want to know." "Hey, john." "Thanks for coming in." "Sure." "No problem." "How you doing?" "Pretty good." "You can't smoke in here." "If I was the pope, you wouldn't be telling me that." "You're not the pope." "Okay." "How's Karen and the kids?" "Good." "Your mom and dad?" "Good." "Aunt pat?" "Great." "Uncle pat?" "Had a headache, went to the hospital-- no." "Cancer?" "Yeah." "Oh, I didn't know." "He doesn't know either." "They're not telling him." "Giving him two weeks." "I better send him a card." "Fedex it." "Right." "So, what's going on with that thing you talked about last time, that whole girlfriend mess?" "Is that over?" "Oh, it's over." "Yeah." "You're lying." "How did you know?" "Oh, because it's you, basically." "Mike, come on, seriously." "What did I tell you before?" "You know, marriage is a journey-- oh, the journey speech." "Sometimes the road is tough." "Oh, the road, yes." "And there are peaks and valleys." "Peaks and valleys." "Can we talk about this some other time?" "Yeah." "Let's talk about it after your divorce, how's that?" "Sure." "Good." "Look, I've got a nun in the back." "Nobody knows who she is, what order she's with." "Do you want to take a look, talk to her?" "Sure." "Anybody found her yet?" "No." "Not yet." "It's the last time I'm letting you get involved with a 12 year-old girl." "You're going to hell." "Never mind, come on." "Oh, good lord, frank." "How could you?" "You don't know the seriousness of this." "Why--why--it's like a betrayal of trust." "And if anyone finds out about this," "I could lose my station." "I know it was a risk, monsignor, but I saw a shot at taking care of your O'malley problem, and it worked." "Everything is all taken care of." "Just go, frank." "Did anyone see you?" "No." "I walked in from the side, and I held my hand up to cover my face." "Oh my god." "I left my wedding ring on." "Is that bad?" "Oh, dear lord." "If anyone asks you about this, you know nothing at all about it." "So you want me to lie, I mean, isn't that wrong?" "Just go, please." "I'm sorry, monsignor." "Say, monsignor, by the way, the macnamara girl, she's pregnant." "21st precinct, McNEIL speaking." "Uh, actually, he's in the field." "I know I said McNEIL, but that's because I'm his assistant--hank McNEIL." "No relation." "Okay." "I'll tell him." "D.A.'S office, again." "We got to tell them what's going on." "Give me another half an hour, okay?" "She could turn up." "Well-- what?" "I talked to your nun." "Yeah?" "One thing I'm certain of, she's not a nun." "I asked her to name the holy trinity." "I couldn't hear the first two names, but the last one was Steve, and I know that's not right." "All right, thanks." "Come here a second." "What?" "It's not another marriage speech, is it?" "No." "Just come here." "I know this girl." "She's not a nun." "She's a stripper." "Works at a place called "crazy live nude girls."" "Talk about truth in advertising." "She's got a chemical imbalance." "Join the club." "Obviously, she's off her medication." "I'll make a call." "I'll have somebody come pick her up." "Okay, now, you know she's a stripper why, because she's in your parish?" "Her mother is." "She sent me down there one time to look after her daughter." "So you actually saw her-- the lord is everywhere." "I've got to go." "Just remember-- what the hell is that, a gang sign?" "Peaks, valleys." "Thanks." "You couldn't leave it alone, could you?" "I couldn't." "Tell your mother I said, "hi."" "Tell god I said, "hi," and tell him I've got a list." "Mike?" "Yeah?" "Detective McNEIL?" "Yeah." "Greg melling, Kimberly's father." "Oh, hey." "There's a problem." "What do you mean?" "With your daughter." "Really?" "Yeah." "She told me she had a great time." "Didn't you tell me you had a great time with the detectives, honey?" "Oh, yes." "They were very helpful and nice." "She made me bring her down here just so she could thank you in person." "Really?" "Honey, we should go." "Mom's waiting for us at "la cirque."" "I want to say good-Bye, daddy." "Okay." "Thanks, guys." "You're welcome." "Where did you go?" "Well, you weren't being nice, so I decided to go home." "You just take off, and don't tell anybody where you're going?" "Talk about nice." "I'm sorry." "I guess I was just mad-- or, maybe I wanted to bust your balls." "Thanks so much." "Bye." "Bye." "Well, it's official." "Women of all ages hate you." "You know, sometimes I think it would just be easier if I liked guys." "Not for them." "What are you laughing at?" "I just got a very interesting phone call from the "new York times."" "Hang on." "It seems that they're thinking about doing a major investigative report on this precinct." "Why us?" "We're clean." "That's not what I hear." "One of the reporters has a child that goes to a private school nearby." "Now, this child brought home a copy of the school newspaper." "Now, in it was a very interesting article featuring quotes from a detective McNEIL, 21st." "I got to go." "Now, please tell me that you didn't say that you shot seven unarmed men in one week." "Please, tell me that you didn't say that everyone in this precinct is on the take." "Please!" "Sir" "I was misquoted."