"RAIN OR SHINE" "Who cares if my paintings don't sell?" "I'm an artist." "Painting fulfils me..." "Roy, you know I love you." "But sometimes I really worry about you." "Really Myrthe, there's no reason to worry about me." "I'll manage, darn it!" ""Darn it"?" ""Soap speak", Alfred." ""Darn it" is one of the recommended expletives."" "Deep down, it's difficult for me, living off your money." "My money?" "And why am I played by a black actor?" "Every soap needs a racial mix." "And we felt that this character's color was not so important so we gave him some color." "Idiots come in all colors, I suppose?" "You take everything too personally, Alfred." "I only used a few aspects of you." "And anyway, it's a very sympathetic character." "You know I love you..." " Darn it!" "If I hear him say that I just feel you know, he really breaks me up." "Hi honey..." "Caroline, hi..." "Monique, about that bar scene..." "Don't you think it ends abruptly?" ""I had this So Much More To Say" kinda feeling..." ""Oh no, it's a I've Said Too Much"." "You know?" "Oh, I get it." "Show Don't Tell, right?" " Or not even that..." "Oh right." "You know, I had this:" ""Why don't they say it?" vibe." "I don't care, do something!" "Hi Albert..." "I want you in my office later." "We'll have a serious monologue..." "These people drive me nuts..." "I've invited the inner circle to come sailing on Sunday..." "And spouses are welcome too." " Sounds fun, but I can't sail." "Train your sea legs, Albert..." "Okay, my arm's going numb." "Enough for today..." "Great, I'll be in time for the repeat of yesterday's episode." "I forgot to program the video." "If you miss an episode, just look at me and Monique the week before." "You won't be far off the mark." " But that's no fun, little brother." "It's a shame you never do any serious painting, Alfred." "Just these silly little Mexicans..." "It's my Mexican period, that's all." "Why don't you paint Mexican landscapes, then?" "These are landscapes... details..." "the people, but seen from above." "Have you ever sold any?" "I sell them half price to people who can guess what they are." "But no one has even come close." "A Mexican at a crossroads?" "Where do you see a crossroads?" "He's on a giant envelope." "Can I look?" " Just a moment." "Now you can look." "I don't think Mexicans wear these anymore." "Artistic license..." "Put your finger in there." "I can't get it out." "It's a Mexican finger snatcher, to stop the muchachas escaping." "A variation on the Pekinese penis pincher medieval Chinese women used to trap their partners." "Let's eat, Alfred." "I'm not in the mood for dancing and I'm dying to know what you cooked." "Can you take this off?" "Not a proposal, I hope?" " Are you crazy?" "Now lick it off." "Drink first, then I'll tell you the toast." "Airline tickets..." " To Mexico..." "Open tickets..." "we can go when you like." "How did you pay for them?" " I sold a painting." "Who to?" "Who to?" "To some gringo..." "Roy, I want you to understand..." "You're not just my husband..." "You're my friend too." "RAIN OR SHINE" "I'll pay you back as soon as I can." "Don't worry about the money." "Just make my belly smaller as thanks." " I paint you as you are..." "A real woman... with curves." " Not too many curves." "Your nephew grew in one and hung on the other two." "When Max sees this, he'll know what a lucky man he is." "We will hang it up, won't we?" "Sure, in the shed." " No, above the sofa." "So everyone can see you're not a boy?" " It's art." "I think it's very classical." " Yeah, they loved that sort of woman..." "That sort of woman?" " Yeah, that sort of woman." "Are you coming to feed the pigeons?" " You can't feed them now." "It's bedtime." "They haven't had anything this evening." "Why do you like pigeons?" " You like Mexicans." "I like pigeons." "A Mexican skiing?" " No, walking on a railway track." "But railway tracks have sleepers." " I hadn't finished." "Hey, listen a second." " I'm all ears." "About Mexico?" "Can't we postpone it for a while?" " Why?" "They need me here." "The writers are blocked." "But you are the writer." "They write what you tell them, so if you're blocked you need a holiday." "It's not that easy, Alfred." " Yes it is." "Just e-mail it back home." "Roy and Myrthe go to Mexico, get kidnapped by revolutionaries she falls in love with their leader and cheats on boring Roy." "They can film it in the studio." "And use props from our house, but not my poncho." "I'm taking that." "But Wiert has this feeling..." "He'd rather I stay here." "So..." "Maybe you're jealous of my boss." "I can't stand people who flash their wallet around." "I'm also disappointed in you." "Because you worship him like some hero..." "I never said that." "Soap characters are always direct." "You're my hero." "You're an artist, my artist." "I don't care that you haven't got any money." "Did you know I have sea legs?" "Let me see those legs then..." "Are these sea legs or what?" "Albert is still working on his sea legs but he's not there yet." " Just a matter of time..." "Sea legs don't grow overnight." "Great sandwich, darling." "Not asleep yet?" "My sea legs are playing up." "Since we went sailing." "You're a real pain lately." ""You're a real pain lately."" "That's a soap text." "You're talking in soap texts." "What's wrong?" " Nothing." "You know I care for you." "I have this feeling... we've been through so much together." "But sometimes I feel so insecure." "You know I have a complex about my size." "This doesn't make sense." "I have this feeling..." "Is he insecure about his money or his size?" "And if it's size, won't people think it's the size of his..." "It's a family show." "Maybe Peter has a point." "I get a sort of feeling that..." "Me too." "You know, insecurity is always a complex issue." "Many aspects are involved." "People won't think of his penis." "Oh no?" "People are smarter than you think." "Ladies, ladies." "Wouldn't it be better..." "To discuss this at rehearsals?" " It didn't work there either." "I created an interactive situation and have a feeling like..." "ROY AND MYRTHE - IN LOVE IN REAL LIFE TOO?" "Sugar?" "A Mexican standing in a circle." " No:" "A mini-Mexican on a ping-pong ball." "Your ducks eat half a loaf a day." " They're always hungry." "Teaching my son a trade?" "I can see you're worried." "Out with it." "I'm your sister, aren't I?" "I think Myrthe is having an affair with her boss." "I feel peace just washing over me..." "The sea..." "The sun..." "And you..." "You're not like you are at work." "You're so relaxed." "At work I have to be strict." "Believe me, I'm serious about our relationship." "It's like being at sailing camp with my first girlfriend." "You're so straightforward." "And I've got sea legs." "How could you fall for that?" "Some things just happen, Alfred." " So it appears." "They're usually unexpected." "But in retrospect, they're quite logical." "You have to change, life goes on." "My life is pointless." "I lost my first mate." "You're breaking my heart by leaving, Myrthe." "What does that show-off have that I don't?" "He has the same kind of drive as me." "Drive?" "Ambition." "What's his ambition, apart from making money?" "To set up a dynamic company with enthusiastic people." "What's wrong with that?" " Life's not just about making money." "He has a talent for business, like you have... for painting." "It's easy to make money." "Anyone with a brain can get rich quick." "I don't think it works that way." " That's exactly how it works." "That's enough, guys." "You can get dressed." "Can't you count?" "Sure." "One too many." "That's how I see you." "I paint the real you." "The real me?" " Yes." "The way you really are, behind the facade." "What can I say?" "Well, I'm Monique." "What's your long-term ambition?" "I want to do something with the mentally handicapped." "I'm attending the school for free expression." "Free expression for the mentally handicapped..." "They are free at expressing their feelings." "I mean, expressive dance is therapeutically good at channeling emotions." "I want to do something meaningful..." " That's a very worthy ambition." "I never thought about earning money." "Money's so unimportant." "I just need enough money to buy paint." "It might be fun to go to bed with you." "Oh, I'm lots of fun..." "What does Max say about me staying here?" "Boris loves it, and that's much more important." "He'll wake you early for his punch ball." "Are you off to your studio?" " No." "Taking the day off?" " I'm going into business." "Into business?" "I would like to place an ad." "Boris speaking." " I'm calling about the ad in the paper." "Shall I take it?" "Alfred here..." " You placed the ad in the paper?" "Is it for real?" " Yes." "Then I'm very interested." "I've never done this before." "It's such a taboo..." "But it shouldn't be." "That's what I think." "But then I thought:" "What the hell." "You old cocksucker." "Well, I really enjoyed that." "You can always call again..." "How much do I owe you?" "Five hours, one hour free, that's 200." "Here you are..." "I'm suffering from the break-up with Myrthe." "Why?" "Why am I being punished?" "Did I fail as artist, man or lover?" "Or all three?" "Maybe more than three things..." "Four, five or even six?" "You look tired." " I didn't sleep very well." "Max snores like a pig." " You know what helps?" "A pillow over his face until he stops moving." "What's with you, little brother-in - law?" "Myrthe ran off with her boss." "Can Roy stay with us for a while?" "Alfred speaking..." "Yes, that's right." "Fifty guilders an hour..." "Just what it says..." "No hidden agenda..." "Yes, that's fine." "What's your address?" "Okay, three o'clock tomorrow." "Right, see you tomorrow." "Big guy!" "Work jargon." "Alfred... can I call you Alfred?" " Of course, we're friends." "Can I even call you Bram?" "Sure, whatever you like." "That's a good name for a friend:" "Bram." "Got a friendly ring to it." "Yes." "My name is Abraham, Bram to my friends." "Like me..." " Yes." "You know, when you're with a friend people don't laugh because you're too fat." "And even if they do, it doesn't matter because you're not alone." "Maybe you just imagine people laughing at you." "No, they really do laugh." "That's why I don't like going out." "Women react particularly strangely." "But, you know, some women like..." "larger men." "You're only saying that because you're my friend." "I'm from "Rent-a-Friend"." " How about that." "Von Papen's the name..." "A nice place..." "Old money." "We probably stole it at some point in our long history." "The Von Papen's, we're an old family with royal blood." "As you can hear in the national anthem..." ""I have German blood" etc, etc." "No thanks." "It's a rule that I don't drink on duty." "But that's no fun..." "I can drink something with you." "Water in a whisky glass, for example..." "But I need a clear head to fulfill my duties." "And I can always pretend to be drunk." "What do you want to call me?" " Excuse me?" "As a friend... my name is Alfred." "But that's my private name." "What about Cuthbert or something ordinary like that?" "What's your name?" "Auberon..." "Jean-Claude!" "Quiet!" "I didn't get on with my father." "I was brought up by the governess." "But don't you have any happy memories of your father?" "When he wasn't home those were the best times." "He was a diplomat, away a lot." "I remember he brought me a present from China." "That was nice:" "A souvenir of China." "A Peking book token!" "My father was a cynical sadist." "Tell me about your father Cuthbert..." "He used to ride." "He had a horse." "What else?" "Everyone has a horse." "Of course, everyone has a horse." "In the fraternity, as students, we used to live it up, didn't we?" "Remember?" "Oh yes, with Marjorie." "Wow, she was a wild one..." "And we used to have such fun with... what's his name?" "The tall chap, director of that chemical company." "Roderick?" " No, the other one." "Baldwin..." " No, not him." "Valentine?" "Who the hell is Valentine?" "Oh no..." "I feel like a fairground attraction in this." "Rent-a-Friend, good morning." " Smulders speaking." "Can I rent you for 2 x 45 minutes, 15 minute break in between." "That's an hour and 45 minutes." "I should say, I wouldn't normally do this." "I have plenty of friends." "You definitely look as if you have lots of friends." "But... on some days..." "Mainly days when the German soccer team plays..." "You see, I'm a fan of German soccer..." "The only one in the country, probably." "But I don't dare tell anyone." "I used to go and watch in public places and I had to reluctantly cheer when the other team scored." "While really I'd prefer to see them annihilate the opposition so I could shout out "Charge!"" "And why do you think you're such a fan?" "I have no idea." "I have no German ties;" "I've never even been there." "I have no relatives who collaborated with the Germans in the war." "That's for sure!" "It could be their shirts..." "Beautiful white shirts with black shorts." "And their names:" "Wolfgang, "walking like a wolf"." "Or Eberhart:" ""With the heart of a wild boar"." "Magnificent names..." "Courageous names..." "Did you see, Hans?" "Christ, that's a foul, Hans!" "Shit... it's a free kick!" "There's an optional 30 minutes if they go to extra time." " Have faith... they'll score." "Two minutes to go..." "Down the wing!" "Okay!" "The wing!" "That's right!" "That's good, Hans." "Shit!" "Get bread with seeds." "The pigeons like it." "But I don't." " Tough." "Okay... tough for me." "Hey, there's Monique." "Dirty magazines?" "PR for the soap..." "Very clever." "The genius with sea legs thought of that all by himself?" "No, it was my idea..." "Nice, a real businesswoman..." "I'm in business now too." "Hey Albert!" "How are you?" "Hello Wiert!" "Well, bye..." "See you around." " Good luck." "Thanks..." "Great car..." "And come back to life..." "Looks like two stories mixed up." "No, that's the way it should be." "No one will buy it." "Then I'll keep it." "I like it." "If I take time out to pose for you I want it to have some meaning." "I have better things to do." "What's better than lying in a glass box?" "Writing scenes." "Writing scenes?" "They asked me to write the dialogues." "One of the writers had a hernia." "They asked a temp to write some scenes?" "Wiert thought I could do it." "Making stupid paintings, that's difficult!" "Not for me." "I paint lots of them." "That's why we have no money." "You didn't care about money." "It's important if you don't have it." "What are you going to write?" "I have this sort of feeling..." "There's enough drama in everyday life." "All right?" "Good evening, I'm Bogers..." "I want to rent 10 friends for a party on Saturday." "Why did you answer the ad?" "I think I'm a good friend." "What makes you think that?" "My friends say so." "That's important?" "Of course, they may be biased..." "Biased?" "Because I'm their friend." "Who's next?" "What are you good at discussing?" "Music and football..." "Sports in general." "A little politics..." "Say TV news level." "I studied philosophy for three years." "Food, cooking is a hobby of mine." "The city's parking policy..." "I have very outspoken opinions on that." "But you could adjust it..." "Your opinion..." "Yes, sure." "The most important rules of the company are:" "No sex." "No physical contact apart from a pat on the shoulder or a brotherly/sisterly hug." "The client can choose a name for you." "So if they want to call you XQ193, that's your name." "I understand." "Do you smoke?" "Only when I go out." "So you could be a smoking or non-smoking friend." "When I'm non-smoking I chew gum." "Is that okay?" "As long as you don't stick it under the table." "Friendship is social interaction." "The need for social contact and processes of inter personal perception..." "What is essential is the rewarding character of the friendship for the individual..." "Come on..." "This business of yours is just to prove something to Monique, isn't it?" "Why seek an ulterior motive?" "I'm just a businessman, like so many." "Who lives here?" "A friend of mine." "I'm sure we can stay a few nights." "Hi, buddy!" "The rewarding nature of friendship for the individual depends on very individual factors." "Yet it is promoted by objective factors such as physical and social proximity in daily life and similarities in background and attitudes." "Titty..." "I want a call you Titty." "I'm not so sure that's allowed." "I want to, so it's allowed." "The customer is always right." "So you're my girlfriend for 100 an hour." "So you're a shoulder for me to lean on." "A bosom to cry against." "I'm not sure about that last one." "So that service costs more?" "No, that service is not allowed." "In principle..." " In practice too." "I think..." "Okay..." "Francoise, are you a good listener?" "Very good." "I hear everything." "I mean listening to problems." "Sure, as long as they don't start whining." "You don't seem a very kindly sort - on the outside, anyway." "On the inside neither." "I'm tough..." "Tough, opportunistic, ruthless, calculating..." "They don't sound like very friendly characteristics." "But they're perfect for a good business manager." ""Just friends": 100 an hour." ""Close friends": 150 an hour." "It used to be 50 an hour." " I decided to increase it." "We could introduce a "vague acquaintance" for the less well-off." ""Vague acquaintance":" "50, no 60 an hour." "And you want to keep doing fieldwork." "And about that new place for you and your sister my second-cousin-twice-removed has a house, so that's no problem." "Three bedrooms, central heating." "I asked for a phone line with call waiting, number ID and fax." "Computer with Internet and e-mail next week." "There are pigeons too, so he'll be happy." "I have to lease a car and arrange parking." "It's a ten-minute drive to the new offices." "New offices?" "Friendship is closely linked to the extent of mutual social approval..." "What kind of social approval?" "Social status, sub-cultural identification..." "Like slang, clothing, values?" "Certainly..." "Then the extent to which each fulfils the other's needs." "For example:" "The need to dominate or be dominated." "I ordered two friends because when I go out with my two best friends one of us is always the fall guy two always pick on the third." "And the third is always me." "I want to be one of the other two for a change." "Mexico..." "I must be dreaming." "Sometimes dreams come true." "Pinch my cheek I still don't believe it." "You are so important to me." "Are you watching that stupid soap like some old woman?" "It's always the same with him." "Hey, four eyes..." "hurry up with those worms." "We've almost run out." "How are we supposed to catch fish?" "I can't find any more." "You're useless..." "We won't take him next time." "Four-eyed jerk." "Did you catch anything?" "Harry caught three perch..." "I had some tiddlers and a carp." "But you didn't catch a thing." "I was looking for worms." " You weren't much good at that either." "The worms were scared stiff by your ugly face." "Maybe you can catch something here." " Where?" "Check out the chick?" "He wouldn't dare." "Four eyes wants to ask you something." "That doesn't mean they're in Mexico..." "Wanna bet?" "I'm fine." "I like being single." "You don't want anything new?" "If it happens:" "Okay." "If not:" "Fine." "Who can stay under longest?" "1, 2, 3..." "Go underwater, or are you afraid of losing again?" "The bleach has to stay in." "I don't feel like games anymore." "It's time to grow up." "You should delay that as long as possible." "Why?" "First you're born, then you're young, then you grow up and then you die." "The blond is nice, isn't it?" "It's different." "But is different nice?" "It's different; blonder in this case." "Sometimes you have to care about your appearance." "We have to do something about this house too." "I think we should buy one." "Now I'm writing full-time for Wiert, we can afford it." "I wouldn't dare invite anyone from work here." "They all have such beautiful houses." "It's cozy." "Beautiful isn't important." "Maybe if a beautiful house isn't important to you, you never get one." "Yeah, because you'd never spend all that money." "Maybe you're genetically programmed so you can't earn money." "I don't understand that." "With people who think houses and luxury aren't important then nature makes sure, genetically that those people don't have the genes to get luxury." "You see?" "It may sound funny, but you know what I mean." "Mexican Knights of the Round Table?" "Four Mexicans playing poker." "And that's a bottle of tequila." "Where are the cards?" "He's shuffling them." "Stop fiddling with your trousers." "Why are you looking out the window?" "You're so hopeless at parking." " Get your own driving license." "You filled two parking places." "The neighbors will be pissed." "Why should they?" "Well..." "I'll be going." "The two hours are over, unless you want an extension." "Two hours is fine, Dennis." "At least we stop arguing for a couple of hours." "That only happens when we have friends round." "Then we pretend everything is fine." "I see..." "So you're company is really useful." "It saves us a lot on broken china." "No!" "Not the rocking horse!" "I'll call you Joop." "A nice Dutch name." "Joop." "Better than Mustapha or Mohammed." "You can see they're descended from monkeys." "Especially when they're doing that rhythmic dancing." "Apes don't have a sense of rhythm." "And most monkeys are white if you shave them." "I don't want to be your friend." "You were right, Alfred." "Ethical business principles are important." "There goes my unblemished record." "And for an idiot like that." "You can't be friends with everyone, Alfred." "But I'm a perfectionist." "Maybe we should have a new range of "dodgy friends"." "We have to talk about cash flow." "Maybe our trainees should pay for the Friends' course." "As an investment, to cover costs." "But we're investing in them." "We can afford it." "We're doing well, in cash-flow terms." "It was just an idea..." "We need an Internet site." "I'll look into it tomorrow." "I'll check the non-smoking friends for tomorrow and the day after." "Would you like to come to dinner tonight?" "Come and see my bonsai trees." "I won't be a minute." " Take your time." "Never seen a geisha before?" "Not a live one." "You know what a geisha is?" "More or less..." "She's not a prostitute as most think." "A geisha has to sing and dance." "She needs a sense of humor, conversational skills but above all, she must be a good listener." "She wanted me to stop painting Mexicans because it doesn't pay." "You had money problems?" " No, she had a good job, earned well." "Why did you break up?" " She met someone else." "Someone else?" " He had sea legs." "Sea legs?" "She had a thing about sea legs." "They made her horny." "Could we rent out geishas?" "It fits the concept; no sex." "Maybe..." "Do banzai trees stay that small?" "It's bonsai not banzai." "Cute..." "We should really have a company logo..." "A logo..." "Something simple and effective..." "How do you tackle that?" "What angle do you use?" "You have to see what it's all about understand it's humanity..." "The logo has to radiate warmth." "Maybe we should stylize it." "The way you style a painting." "You start with..." "How about this?" "And the close friends should they be male or female?" "Fortunately the third phone line came this morning." "I also employed that new secretary, Marian." "One moment..." "This one wants 10..." "another wants 24 for a birthday party." "Can they have a discount?" " The one with 24 can." "He can pay for 20." "But half friends, half acquaintances." "When is it?" " Friday evening..." "I don't know if we have enough people." "Say you'll call back." "Can I call you back?" "Here I am." "Did you want smoking or non-smoking?" "You still think a director's office is ridiculous?" "It's all ridiculous, but it works." "Someone wants 60 tomorrow for a reunion." "Try to get the same friends as last time." "But he's never hired friends before." "Ask for the age range, sex and give him group discount." "In Japan the staff do gym together every morning." "To the rhythm of the company hymn." "That won't happen here." "I have to lose weight..." "Why do you like Japan?" "You like Mexico, don't you?" "I'm from "Rent-a-Friend"." " I'm Pieters." "Listen to me." "What's your name?" " That's up to you." "I don't want to play games." "Freddie?" "Listen Freddie." "I rented you for a reason." "I have to go out of town for a day." "I often do." "Sometimes friends of mine take advantage of this." "Take advantage?" "Who's that, darling?" " A friend of mine:" "Freddie." "Freddie this is Marijke." "Marijke:" "Freddie." "Hello." "Freddie can't use his house today." "They're defusing an unexploded bomb." "The whole area has been evacuated." "So he's staying here with us today." "Someone to keep you company." "Wonderful, I'll be home all day anyway." "I can show him the holiday videos." "I need a friend I can trust for a change." "One who doesn't take advantage of my absence." "Understand?" "Good, I'm running late." "That'd be quite a bang..." "Bang?" "If that bomb goes off." "Let's hope it doesn't." "What about your wife and children?" " I don't have any." "I mean they're not there." "They went to her parents." "What about if we watched the holiday videos." "Fine..." "A lovely tan..." "Good food..." "We're having a great time." "That was Jerusalem." " I happen to like Mexico." "Have you been to Mexico?" "I was going with my wife, but we put it off." "She's pregnant and the heat..." "That makes her a little..." "Oh look!" "I've just taken a dip." "If you look closely you can see that the water is so blue." "You booked full board?" " We had bed... and breakfast." "Good idea." "Full board ties you to the hotel restaurant which may not be all that good." "And if you take a day trip, you miss lunch." "Even though you paid." "What's the matter?" "We don't do sex." "That's one of the rules." "Just my luck." "Shall we order a pizza?" "Fine." " With what?" "Anything, but no fish." "This is Marijke Pieters, 34 Bridge Street." "I want to order a pizza:" "Four seasons." "Fine." "You don't want pizza?" " No..." "Delicious, tropical fruit." "Let's buy some pineapples." "In countries like this, you shouldn't eat fresh fruit." "You don't want a bellyache on holiday." "Pity, I just felt like some exotic fruit." "I thought of that." "Tinned fruit can't go off." "It's at moments like this that I know how much you love me." "I was thinking a company needs something distinctive." "We have the name "Rent-a-Friend"." "That's clear and the logo." "We need something more..." "I know what you're thinking." " I thought the idea was..." "Rental friends have become a status symbol, Alfred." "If your neighbor has five at his silver wedding you have to show you can afford twelve at your garden party." "Shouldn't the logo be on longer?" "No." "Thanks to the zap culture, people are quick to pick it up." "A political party called." "They want a hundred friends for a rally on Saturday." "Great." "Rent them out and make sure the opposition finds out." "They'll want twice as many." "And they asked if they can wear red caps this time?" "If they supply them." "Why are you still painting?" "You're rich now." "Nobody pays you to feed pigeons, do they?" "That's true." "What is this?" "A Mexican frying an egg?" "You go feed the pigeons." "Alfred, come and look at this." "How could you?" "It's not what it looks like." "This is a mistake." "He fucked another woman?" "How old should she be?" "Required name?" "Alfred..." "These Friends had an unpleasant experience." "We were rented by someone wanting revenge after a bar fight." "So he needed four friends to settle the score." "We'll have to draw up some rules." "We can't have this." "We'll have to see if the insurance covers it as a business risk." "Did you know that in China you can rent mourners for funeral?" "I don't think that would work here." "If half the mourners were Chinese." "They don't have to be Chinese." "They could be Friends in black." "Try it if you think it'll work." "You've got "carte blanche"." "What if you could borrow money from our friends?" "For a fee..." " They call that the bank." "No, it's a loan from a friend." "For instance, they could borrow a car from one of our friends." "The way friends do." "Of course they'd have to pay." "What about sporty friends or gay friends who can cook." "Everyman's friends." " Let's be serious, Alfred." "Our turnover is higher than my second-cousin's estate agency." "This is big business." "We have a huge staff... well, you do." "We want to discuss something." "Now?" " For instance." "It's just a question of money." " You want more money?" "Business is booming, but our wages aren't." "Otherwise we'll leave." "Okay..." " What do you mean by more money?" "We'll have to discuss that with our colleagues." "In any case, a lot more." "We spoke to the general services union." "They cover our branch." "I'll discuss it with my colleagues too." "Okay, but let's stay friends." "Of course." "Francoise speaking." "Don't forget to bring your sleeping bag tomorrow." "And some sporty clothes." "And a jacket because it'll be cold." "Goodnight." "Nice that Dennis came camping too." " Great!" "Dinner's nearly ready, boys!" "We'll just finish the game." "You men are just like kids." "Isn't she beautiful?" "You forget something every day!" "Great, eh?" "It's so nice to get away from it all." "We should do this more often." "I said he looked pale, stupid cow..." " So why didn't you do anything about it?" "As usual, you have the last word." "Hello Dennis." "Are these elms?" "Stupid goat..." "I was paged." "They dropped you at the office half dead." "So I put you in my bed." "I'm good at patching people up." "In Japan you wash outside the bath so the dirt is kept out of the communal bath." "They say it's bad manners." "What do they do in the bath then?" "Just enjoy themselves." "Alfred speaking..." "Hello little brother, how are you?" "Not bad." "I'm looking for Francoise, but her mobile is turned off." "Is she anywhere near you?" " She's in the bath." "When she finished ask her to ring the office as soon as possible." "She's facing me." "I'm in the bath too." "What you mean "oh"?" "We bathe together too, don't we?" "Nice and clean?" "You can be sure:" "The union's here to serve you!" "We'll defend your interests!" "Less tense?" "A bit better..." "You should take more care of yourself." "I should eat more regularly." "And sleep more." "And once a week in a Japanese bath..." "As a TV star, you don't have many real friends." "I can well imagine..." "You don't have many girlfriends because they think:" ""Why is she famous and not me?"" " That's to be expected." "And I don't have male friends, because they all want to shag me so they can brag they went to bed with Myrthe from "Rain or Shine"." "You know, I've been following the series recently." "My sister always watches and we share a house, and I have to say that it's quite addictive." "Lots of highly-educated people watch soaps." "It offers emotions in bite-sized chunks." "Everyone needs romance." "Yes, romance, that's it." "I'm often really curious about what will happen next." "She finds out he slept with that Mexican girl." " That was a complete surprise." "That's why she got so mad." "I have this feeling..." "I want to know if she'll forgive him or if she'll leave him." "Hey, aren't you Myrthe from "Rain or Shine"?" "Oh yes, you are!" "And you must be her boyfriend." "Wait, I have my camera in the car." "I'll take a nice picture." "Don't go away." "I know that face." "And not just the face." "I saw her in Ritz with a staple in her ass." "Smile please..." "NEW BOYFRIEND FOR MYRTHE" "Now!" "Three for the price of two!" "Good afternoon." "I wanted to talk to you about friendship." "Lots of people still haven't heard about..." "Fake blonde bitch!" "Alfred, I have a new friend." "If he's a non-smoker, he can start right away." "That's not what I mean." "He's my new boyfriend:" "Fritz." "Hello, I'm Alfred." "I need my brother's approval." "He likes pigeons?" " My grandpa kept pigeons." "I think they're friendly creatures." "And he likes voluptuous women." " You can say that again." "Great." "I have a job for you in half an hour." "A customer asked specifically for you." "Here's the address." "Good afternoon." "I'm from "Rent-a-Friend"..." "I'm your friend." "It's been a long time." " That happens with good friends." "You don't have to meet often for the friendship to live on." "Did you miss me?" " Of course I did." "I missed you too." "A bit." "Business is booming, isn't it?" "It's hard work... but I enjoy it." "It's important to enjoy your work." "Otherwise you couldn't keep going." "Do you enjoy... your work?" "Sex is against the rules." "Let's be serious, Alfred." "I'm sorry, Roy." "I want to come back to you." "Shall we go to Mexico for a week?" "To give it a try?" "What do you say?" "I already know the answer." "The end"