"Whoa!" "Oh, my god." "Who...?" "Who are you?" "Who am I?" "Who are you?" "No, I'm not telling you who I am until you tell me who you are." "Why not?" "Because I asked first." "Oh, my god." "I can't believe this shit." "Will you please watch your language?" "Oh, excuse me, little miss innocence." "What is that supposed to mean?" "Oh, it means I don't think you're as innocent as you think you are." "What are you talking about?" "Unless of course you go to bed in a bra and boxers." "Oh, my god." "Where are my clothes?" "Where am I?" "You!" "You brought me here." "Whoa, listen, Chickie," "I didn't bring anybody anywhere" "I don't even know whose place this is." "Shit." "Watch your language." "How dare you?" "First, you get me completely drunk and you bring me up here to try and take advantage of me while I'm unconscious in a bed?" "Whoa." "Whoa, no, no." "Under no circumstances did I take advantage of you, we didn't even have sex last night." "And what makes you so sure?" "Because I would never sleep with someone like you." "Then what happened last night?" "Have a nice weekend, miss g." "Why don't you call it a day, Danny?" "You sure?" "I don't mind staying till close." "It's Friday night, don't you have that party?" "Yeah, gamma bash." "Right, you've been talking about it all week." "So go ahead, have a good time." "No, it's..." "It's no big deal." "I can totally just stay..." "Nah, I'm closing up in an hour anyway." "It's Friday afternoon." "Business hasn't been so good since the weather got cold." "All right, if you insist." "Would you mind coming in on Sunday?" "I know you don't like to work Sundays, but..." "No, that wouldn't be a problem." "I'd be happy to." "You're a good egg, Danny." "Well, you're welcome." "See you Sunday." "Okay." "Have a good time." "Yeah." "Don't do anything stupid." "It's my senior year." "It's what I'm supposed to do, right?" "All right." "Bye, boys." "Bye, miss Sarah." "Hey, wait for me!" "Thank you." "Thanks." "Boys, boys!" "Hi." "How are you?" "Oh, hey." "Good." "How are you?" "Ask her, mommy." "Ask her." "Ask me what?" "Ashley's babysitter is away this weekend, and we're in a pinch." "We wanted to see if you're able to watch her this Saturday?" "I'm sorry, Mrs. Reed, but I can't..." "Please?" "I'm so sorry, Ashley," "I'm not allowed to babysit any other kids that go here." "We won't tell anyone." "As much as I'd like to, I just can't." "I signed a contract when I started, and if they ever found out I wouldn't get the job recommendation after graduation." "All right, well, my kid loves you, college kids need money." "I'm gonna leave you my business card in case you change your mind." "Okay." "Thank you." "Bye, Ashley." "Thank you." "Say bye." "Bye take care." "You too." "Hi hi." "There you go." "Thank you." "All right." "Have a good weekend." "You too." "Bye, guys." "Oh." "Here you go." "Thanks." "Thank you." "Have a good weekend." "Thanks." "Bye-bye, here you go." "Thank you." "Hi, Jamie." "How was your day?" "It was good, thanks." "I know this is going to sound weird or whatever, but I made you a necklace in art today." "Oh, Jamie, woman:" "Hi." "That was so sweet of you." " Thank you." " All done." "It's just you seem so sad all the time" "I thought this would make you happy." "Well, mission accomplished." "You did make me smile." "Yeah, sure." "Is that all right with you?" "Oh, of course it's all right." "Don't be silly." "Okay." "I just didn't wanna..." "Yeah." "Step on anyone's toes." "You worry too much, Sarah." "Enjoy the necklace." "It's beautiful." "Thank you." "Have a good weekend." "Bye bye." "There you go." "Thanks." "Bye." "Thank you." "Have a good weekend." "Thank you." "Boys, where are you going?" "You know the rules, Simon." "Parents must sign their kids out at the end of the day." "Sorry I'm late." "It's all good." "They didn't cause any trouble, did they?" "Of course not." "These boys are angels." "Ha." "Tell that to their mother." "Have a good weekend." "You too." "Bye, boys." "Grabbed your bag." "Thank you." "Mm-hm." "Buses are gone." "And so are the kids." "Signed, sealed and delivered." "So any exciting plans for the weekend?" "Nah, just studying." "Sarah, you gotta have some fun." "I do have fun." "Honey, I'm not talking about playing with these kids here three days a week." "This is your senior year in college." "The real world will be here before you know it." "I wish it would just hurry up and get here already." "Don't be silly." "It will be here." "Sooner than you think." "And you will be wishing for a redo for the last couple of months." "Look, I know that you just had a breakup how?" "I never said anything." "You're showing all the classic signs." "This is so not me, Bev." "I just..." "I can't get out of this funk." "Sure you can." "You just have to try harder." "Go, do something." "It's the weekend." "I'm sure you can find a party on campus somewhere." "That's really not my speed." "All the more reason to do it." "Trust me, Sarah, you don't wanna have any regrets." "You only get one shot at your senior year." "You're right." "You're right." "Have a good weekend, Sarah." "You too." "See you on Monday." "Bye, Bev." "Mm-hm." "Come see the university players perform." "Come see the university players perform." "Come see the university players..." "Come see the university players perform Bermuda triangle at the black box tonight." "Thanks." "Good luck." "Come see the university players perform..." "Um, excuse me?" "Yeah?" "I, um, well..." "Are you all right?" "Yes, yes." "I'm fine." "It's just..." "I was wondering if you could buy me and my friends a six-pack of beer." "No." "Oh, come on." "I've been standing here for an hour." "My friends are waiting for me." "Please?" "No." "What are you, 12?" "I'm 21." "I just lost my ID." "Oh, really?" "Mm-hm." "What year were you born?" "2000..." "I mean 1993?" "Yeah, that's what I thought." "Go home, kid." "Oh, come on." "No." "I'm not getting in trouble for you." "If you were my brother I would kick your ass." "You suck." "Here you go." "Thank you." "Yeah." "Hey, Abby." "Hey, Sarah." "How's it going?" "Huh, pretty well." "How are you?" "Good." "Do you want another brownie?" "Yeah." "Hey, is Nick welling still outside?" "The kid trying to get beer?" "Yeah." "Uh, I think he left?" "I hope so." "Someone said they were gonna call campus police on him." "Yikes." "Um..." "I'll let him know if he's still outside." "Thanks." "I'd really hate to see him get in trouble." "Do you want a bag with that?" "Heh." "No." "Okay." "Have a good weekend." "You too." "Bye." "Studio tan." "Buy one get one." "No, thanks." " Studio tan." "Buy one get one." " Thanks." " Studio tan." "Buy one get one." " No, thanks." "I know it's in here." "Oh, it's fine." "I know who you are." "I don't wanna get you into any trouble or anything." "Hey, Jeff." "Hey." "Seriously, it's fine." "I..." "I know it's in here." "You live right next to me." "I know you live here." "Here it is." "Thanks." "See you later, Alicia." "Bye." "I don't know if I wanna wear this or not." "I know, I know." " Hey, Mindy." " Hey." "Yes." "Liz, she's gonna to be there." "Yeah, she's gonna be there." "Yeah, she will." "Yes, yes, she will, okay?" "Yes." "Okay, fine." "Sarah, can you please tell Liz you're gonna be there?" "I'll be where?" "See?" "She said there." "No, she said there, Liz." "Yeah, she did." "There." "Oh, my god, shut up." "Yes, I'll be there in five minutes." "Five minutes." "Five." "Yeah, no, honey, I gotta go." "I gotta go, bye." "Bye." "So how was work?" "Eh, it was fine." "A little girl made me a necklace." "Oh, cute." "I don't know how you can waste your time." "It's my senior year." "I don't wanna slack off." "That's exactly what you should be doing your senior year." "And I mean midterms aren't for, what, two weeks?" "I have a lot of really hard classes this semester." "Bullshit." "Look who you're talking to." "Hello?" "We live together." "I mean, come on." "If it's over Dave, you've gotta let it go." "It's over." "It's been over for a month, min." "So what?" "That's the whole point." "Get over it." "No." "Today." "Today marks exactly one month since Dave and I broke up." "You're counting?" "Sarah, let it go." "You're really not making me feel better." "Honey, I'm not trying to." "Come to the party with Liz and myself tonight, okay?" "Gamma's having this huge bash, we're gonna have fun." "We're gonna have fun, and we both know that horses' asses are gonna be there." "I really wish you would stop referring to him as horse's ass, Mindy." "I call them as I see them." "He's a horse's ass." "He is." "Stop freaking protecting him, anyway after what he did to you?" "He cheated on you, with..." "I know, Mindy." "Ugh." "I know." "Can we just drop this already?" "Look, I'll try." "I will." "I will." "I'll..." "I'll stop." "I'll stop calling him horse's ass if you come to the party tonight." "No, you won't." "Yeah, I probably won't." "But I'll really try, okay?" "I will." "Come on?" "Yeah?" "Wanna try?" "I'm gonna try." "What?" "Oh, that's right." "Is lord Douchington better for you?" "Huh?" "Knock it off." "See?" "You haven't laughed in weeks." "Look, how about this?" "I'll make it a little interesting." "What are you talking about?" "Whichever one of us gets the most drinks brought to us by different guys by the end of the night wins." "Wins what?" "Hmm..." "Dishes." "The loser has to clean the dishes for a week." "Ew." "Yeah." "Two weeks." "I hate doing the dishes." "Fine." "But you're gonna be the one with the dishpan hands." "Whatever." "And we can't drink anything unless a guy brings it to us." "Fine." "You know what, Sarah?" "Maybe you shouldn't go." "Because the whole purpose is for you to have fun and forget about horse..." "Uh, sorry." "I am so sorry." "Uh..." "Mm." "It's so hard." "All right." "All right, you're on." "Deal." "Oh, god." "I'm so sorry." "Oh, god." "I've really gotta go." "That's Liz." "I really have to go." "I am so sorry." "Yes?" "I'll see you tonight, okay?" "Liz, you are worse than my mother." "Jesus." "Douchington." "Hell, yeah, we'll be there." "Sure, he'll come." "Of course." "Dude, I'll be right there." "Oh." "Megan?" "Hello there, Joe." "What are you doing here?" "Is, uh...?" "Is Danny home?" "No." "Good." "But what are you doing?" "Oh, you know, I just, uh, came by to get my stuff." "What stuff?" "I don't have any of your stuff." "Why would you have my stuff?" "Danny has my stuff." "I just..." "I don't know, I don't want him holding on to it for sentimental value." "It's weird." "Sentimental value?" "That's a laugh." "Oh, okay." "You know what?" "Don't be jealous, Joey because we all know that if you break up with your girlfriend, you'll always have that great box she came in." "Maybe you should take better care of your box." "So we're not in this situation." "Touché." "Okay on that note, yeah." "I'm gonna get my shit." "Okay." "Hurry up, Megan." "Mine." "You needed that right?" "I did, and you know what, my sunglasses." "I've been looking for these bad boys." "I'm sure you have." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "And... oh." "Just where I left them." "All over campus." "Ha-ha-ha." "Very funny." "Yo!" "Hey, Joe!" "Oh, crap." "Stay in here" "Joe!" "Yo, Joe, what's up, man?" "Hey, Dan." "Dude, I'm glad you're home." "I'm starving." "Let's go get something to eat." "Nah, dude, I already ate." "I'm not hungry, sorry." "Wanna get a beer?" "Got beer in the fridge, right?" "Not enough." "I'm broke." "I'll buy, come on." "You'll buy?" "Yeah." "I'll buy, let's go." "No." "What are you hiding?" "What's going on?" "Nothing." "I'm just hungry, all right?" "Tonight's gamma bash." "I need to fuel up my tank." "Make a sandwich." "I don't want a sandwich." "Come on, Dan, let's just go to Chad's." "No, what are you hiding from me, bro?" "I'm not hiding anything." "Something in there?" "Hey, Danny." "It's good to see you." "What are you doing here, Megan?" "Oh, you know, I was in the neighborhood, decided to come by and pick up my stuff." "You see, this guy..." "Okay, just in the neighborhood, what were you doing?" "Looking for another frat guy to bang?" "You know, it's not my fault that you didn't know how to please me." "I'm sorry I couldn't please you, so you had to go and bang every one of my brothers." "Okay, well, maybe if you were more of a man who knew how to treat a woman we wouldn't have this problem." "If you weren't such a whore..." "Enough, enough, enough!" "Enough." "Megan, take your shit and leave." "Excuse me?" "Take your shit and leave." "Fine." "But only because I feel like it." "Don't expect to see me again." "I won't." "Just maybe to hear you through the wall or something." "Dude..." "Fuck!" "She's not worth it." "She is so not what I needed." "Forget about it." "Look, I'm going to the house for the game." "You wanna come?" "No I'm just..." "I'm just not in the mood, okay?" "I don't think I'm going tonight." "What?" "Are you nuts?" "This is our last gamma bash." "I know, I just got a lot of things on my mind." "You've got Megan on your mind." "Among other things." "Like?" "Like..." "Like midterms, like my job, my family..." "Midterms aren't for two weeks you get paid to box cookies and sweet-talk old ladies and your family is fine." "I'm thinking about Megan." "You're obsessing about Megan." "It's been over two weeks, dude." "The grace period is over." "The what?" "The grace period." "I dated this chick named grace back in high school." "When we broke up, I gave her two weeks to come to her senses and come back to me." "Well, on the 14th day, she came back." "So I give every ex-girlfriend another chance if they come back within the two weeks of breaking up." "It's a grace period." "You're an idiot." "But I look so good." "Come on, Dan, just come with me okay?" "I don't know, man." "Fine." "Don't come to the game." "But you're coming to the party." "I'll think about it, okay?" "There's nothing to think about." "Don't be a bitch." "You know Megan's not even gonna be there." "Maybe she will be." "She's not allowed in the house again and you know this." "I'll even put a sign on the door saying," ""Megan Decatur, go home."" "Right?" "Look, i..." "I'm just..." "I just don't feel like me right now." "Dan, it wouldn't be a party without you." "Besides, all the seniors are gonna get a keg of coconut Porter." "How much?" "Nothing, dude." "It's a gift from the pledges." "Fine." "Okay, I'll come for a little bit and I'll have a couple of beers, that's it." "That's all I ask." "You sure you don't wanna come for the game?" "Yes, I'm sure." "Suit yourself." "See you later." "Later, brother." "Hello, tiny." "Hey, beautiful." "What can I get you?" "I am supposed to meet Liz." "Have you seen her?" "Yeah, she's in the back." "I see her." "Thank you." " See you." " Okay." "Hey, girl." "Ugh!" "It's about time you showed up." "I'm so sorry." "I was kind of talking to Sarah." "Wait, she's still coming tonight, right?" "Well, yeah, but she doesn't want to." "Oh, let me guess." "Dave?" "Of course." "Because it's always about Dave." "She has completely forgotten about herself before that horse's ass." "They were together, like, what, six months?" "Barely." "She's just not herself anymore." "And honestly, because of all the bitching and the moaning," "I'm getting sick of her." "I know." "She used to be so much fun." "Now she's just a stick in the mud." "Hello." "What can I get you guys?" "Oh, I want a bikini blonde." "What was that I had last time?" "Was it a coconut...?" "Uh..." "Porter." "Yes." "Porter." "Goes down real smooth." "Can I have one of those?" "Yeah, you really liked that one." "Yeah." "Okay, okay." "Real talk." "What are you wearing tonight?" "Seriously?" "I don't know." "You know me." "I don't know either." "I can't decide if I wanna wear a skirt or not." "Well, do you want a bunch of guys or just a couple?" "What do you think?" "Wear a skirt." "Okay, okay." "Don't wanna be the only one wearing a skirt." "I'll get Sarah to wear one or something, okay?" "You promise she's coming?" "Honey, look at me." "Ready?" "She is going to go to that party whether I have to drug her and drag her ass there." "She will be there." "I love it." "Aah!" "Sorry." "Ah, it's okay, it's okay." "Oh, that looks amazing." "Mm, cheers." "Aah!" "You are a goddess among women, Deedee." "Oh, thank you." "Where is Sarah?" "Studying." "Again?" "On a Friday night?" "My sentiments exactly." "Please tell me she's coming to the party tonight." "She better." "She is still getting over Dave, the horse's ass." "Thank god she didn't come." "He's over there right now." "What?" "I didn't see him when..." "I didn't see him when I came in." "What the heck is he doing here?" "I don't know." "This is Sarah's place." "He's never come here before." "Oh, my god." "Do you remember he used to go over and make fun of her when you and I came here?" "Yeah, because he's an asshole." "I don't know what she ever saw in him." "I have no idea." "He's over there flirting with some girl." "What a horse's ass." "You said it." "So, Liza..." "Leila." "Right." "Yeah, tell me, are you transferred or something?" "I haven't seen you before." "I'm a traveling chapter consultant for my sorority, so just checking in on the house." "Nice." "Delta, delta, delta, can I help ya, help ya, help ya?" "No." "Alpha delta pi, actually." "Oh." "Sexy, yeah." "I like pie." "Like I've never heard that one before." "Let me guess, lambda chi?" "Oh, my goodness gracious." "Well, there's nothing we can do about it now." "Really?" "Mindy, what are you doing?" "Watch me." "Sarah, no..." "She is so bad." "Uh-oh." "I'm gonna lose my job." "Yeah." "Oh." "Frats aren't really my speed." "Yeah, you could've fooled me." "I know a lot of fraternities you'd fit right into." "Oh, thank you." "I gotta go wait, sit and watch." "Come on." "Okay." "You know, people told me I should rush." "Thing is I realized, why the hell should I limit myself to one party per week." "You know?" "I mean..." "Oh, my god." "What the hell?" "I..." "Get away from me, you creep!" "Mindy?" "Just get away, yeah." "You just touched my boob!" "Oh, my god." "She's so bad." "Put these on, put these on." "I didn't even see you there!" "How could you not see her?" "I saw her." "I was looking at you." "Hey, is there a problem here?" "He touched my boob, tiny." "No, i..." "I didn't yes." "Yes, yes, you did." "Either you did or didn't." "I'm gonna get this on video." "Okay, yeah." "Technically i..." "What the hell do you care, anyway?" "Go back to stacking cups or whatever it is you do." "Say what?" "He... he knew my name too." "That's because you're a bitch, Mindy." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey." "Don't talk to the lady like that." "Dude, you're not part of this." "Hey, I wasn't talking to you, okay?" "So why don't you go off or...?" "What?" "You're gonna bite me in my kneecap or something, short stuff?" "Huh?" "Excuse me?" "Look, okay, everyone just chill out for a second here and shut up, okay?" "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god." "Honey." "Oh, my god." "He didn't buy you that drink, did he?" "Yeah?" "You didn't." "I bet he put something in this." "What?" "Oh, yeah." "He definitely did." "No, I didn't!" "Oh, my god." "Oh, my god." "No." "No, no, no." "My god." "You put something in my drink?" "It's time for you to go." "No." "No, no, no." "It's not time for me to go, okay?" "Look i..." "Are you kidding me?" "Will everyone just shut up, please?" "Shut up." "Tell me to shut up one more time, bro." "Shut..." "Up." "That's it." "Oh, my god." "I'm gonna get fired tomorrow." "Look..." "Look, uh, Laura..." "Leila." "I did not put something in your drink." "And I did not mean to do whatever with her breast." "You know what?" "You're disgusting." "Lauren!" " Leila!" " Whatever!" "Come on!" "I'm not a creep!" "Yeah, you are." "I thought I told you to shut..." "Oh, yeah." "Up." "Yeah, you did." "And that's a little problem." "I wasn't talking to you." "I think maybe we both said some things that we regret..." "Shut up." "Yeah." "Did you touch this woman's breast?" "I may have grazed it... by accident." "Apologize." "What?" "Apologize." "I'm sorry." "Wait, what was that?" " I didn't hear it." "Did you?" " No." "Come a little closer, and speak a little louder." "I can't hear it." "What was that?" "I'm sorry that I grazed your breast." "Now get out." "I haven't even finished my beer yet." "I think you have a problem following directions." "Why don't I help you?" "No, no." "It's fine." "Bye." "Aah!" "Brush it off, brush it off." "Okay, okay, I have to admit, that was priceless." "Yeah, and don't call 911 till he's dead, okay?" "Hey, tiny?" "I think he may have shit the floor, so you might wanna mop that up." "Okay, okay, oh." "Oh, that was so much fun." "Okay, seriously, though." "Mm-hm." "I'm gonna need you to make sure that Sarah is coming tonight." "You know it's better when we travel in threes." "Oh, yeah, there's that, but then there's a ho rule." "What?" "Haven't heard of the ho rule?" "No." "What is that?" "Okay, so when girls travel in threes..." "Mm." "There's the pretty one, which is obviously me." "Obviously." "Then there's the smart one, which is Sarah." "Mm-hm." "And then there's the ho." "And then there's the ho." "Mm-hm." "Wait, are you saying I'm the ho?" "Say it loud and proud, baby!" "Okay, I'm the ho!" "Oh, you like that?" "Mm." "Hi, mom." "How are you?" "I'm fine, just studying." "No, I'm going to a party tonight." "Greg." "What's up, little bro?" "How you doing?" "Uh, not much, man." "Joe is making me go to this party tonight, and that's not what college is all about." "You gotta focus on your studies." "You get your sat scores back?" "Good man." "Good man." "It's just a party, mom." "It's at the gamma pi omicron house." "Don't worry." "Mindy's going with me." "Liz and a bunch of other girls too." "It'll be fine, mom." "Don't worry." "Midterms don't start for another two weeks." "I only got three of them." "I'll do fine." "Dave?" "No." "I haven't heard from him." "Yeah, single life's fine with me, dude." "It's been two and a half weeks." "I'm sure I'll find someone eventually, yeah." "Sooner or later someone's bound to come into my life, mom." "I..." "I just have to be patient, and..." "Just wait and see." "Everything happens for a reason, right?" "It's just hard to find a reason for all this right now." "But someday, mom." "Somewhere, Greg." "I'll find them." "I'll find them." "Or..." "Or he'll find me." "I'll just wake up one day, and she'll be right there next to me." "I can wait." "I'll be patient." "Really not the most important..." "It's not the most important... thing in my life now." "Really, mom?" "I'll be fine." "I'm only 21 years old." "I'm only 21 years old." "I got my whole life to find her." "There's just so much I wanna do right now." "Being tied down would just..." "I'm not worried." "Hold me back." "Look, I need to go." "I better get some studying done if I wanna go out tonight." "I'll talk to you later, bro." "I love you." "I love you too." "Bye." "Later, man." "All right." "Let's go, giants!" "Don't y'all think we should start cleaning for the party?" "Good idea." "Yeah, thanks, Freshie." "Why don't you start picking some stuff up?" "Who's getting the keg tonight?" "I don't know." "One of the pledges, I guess." "Wait, wasn't Danny supposed to go get it?" "No shot, dude." "Danny doesn't even wanna come tonight." "What do you mean?" "Megan stopped by." "Who's Megan?" "Wait, you don't know who Megan is?" "No." "Megan Decatur?" "Does that ring a bell?" "Uh..." "No, but back in Iowa, there's this place called Decatur county, and every year they have the annual Decatur county fair." "And you know what, they had this fat sow contest." "Where you get your sows as fat as possible, bring them down to the fairground." "And the fattest sow will win $10." "Well, the sow didn't win the money, the owner did." "Once, when I was 7 years old, my fat sow Pauly won third place." "I won a whole $2." "Uh, the next day," "I don't know what happened to Pauly, but I'll tell you what:" "My mama made the best darn bacon we ever had." "You know, come to think of it," "I never did find out what happened to Pauly..." "Touchdown!" "Joey, you gotta get Danny to come." "Yeah, man, this is the last gamma bash." "I know, I know." "He just didn't need to see Megan today." "Dude, he doesn't need to see Megan ever." "So Megan is his ex?" "She's not just his ex, Freshie." "She's psychotic." "Plus, she's a brother banger." "Uh, what's that?" "A girl that goes from fraternity to fraternity, sleeping with as many brothers as she can before she gets caught and banned from their house." "Dan just happened to be the first brother she got." "Yeah, but she also led him on and made him think she was serious about him." "And then hopped into bed with another one of our brothers, who shall remain nameless." "Unfortunately, said brother didn't know that Megan was with Danny." "But Megan new he was Danny's gamma pi omicron brother." "So therefore, she's a brother banger." "Oh, I get it." "She kind of like a road jumper." "Back in Iowa, when older kids wanted to make out, they head over to the cornfield off of cherry Lane." "There was this girl, Ellie may Johnson." "Man, she had her fellas meet her in a different corn row every 15 minutes." "Now, after she was done rolling around in the dirt with one fella, she hike up her britches and head on to the next." "I mean, I never hooked up with her." "I done heard stories about she take an ear of corn right off the stalk." "Man, she'd shuck it..." "It's good!" "Oh, my god." "You know she's not coming tonight, right?" "Yeah." "I even told him I put a sign on the door telling her to go home." "Man, we really need to hook Danny up with someone." "Yeah?" "Like who?" "Dude, what about my sister?" "No." "Your sister looks just like you, except she has braids." "Why don't we just pay someone?" "Are you out of your freaking mind?" "Remember what happened the last time we had a prostitute in here?" "Not a prostitute, moron." "We just give some chick like 5 bucks to kiss him." "Oh, that's a great idea." "You know, back in Iowa, we had the annual corn-shucking festival, right in the heart of my town." "And Mrs. Stribbler, the third grade teacher, she have herself a kissing booth." "Let me tell you, man, boys, and even some curious girls line up miles on end just to lay one on her." "And just for 1 whole dollar, she'd open-mouth kiss you for a while 15 seconds." "Now, if you gave her an extra 50 cents and you asked her real nice, she'd take her dentures out... and make her mouth all gummy and mushy." "Freshie!" "Don't speak." "I'll get Danny here tonight." "How are you gonna do that?" "I don't know." "How about beer for beer?" "Yes." "What's beer for beer?" "Thanks for volunteering, Freshie." "You have to drink as many beers as Danny does tonight." "You go beer for beer." "Oh, I get it." "We did the same sort of thing back in Iowa." "Except it wasn't beer, and it wasn't who puked first." "It was whoever stunk up the bathroom first who lost." "You see, we drunk this corn malt liquor instead." "We drunk it out of these big, frosty glasses of old bill's pride." "Tastes like salt and butter." "You know, the stuff you put on popcorn at the movies." "Well, it went down real smooth, but once it hits your intestines, watch out." "We had fistfights to find out who got to the bathroom first." "I messed up so many britches that way." "You know, I couldn't tell my mama why my bile's failing." "So she took me to the, um, pro... "protologist."" "Dr. Warren, with the greasy fingers, and then i..." "Freshie, for the love of god, that's it." "You are going beer for beer with every single brother at this party." "Can I have milk too?" "You wanna mix your beer with milk?" "Oh, no, man." "It ain't nothing like that." "You see, I just like chasing my beer with milk." "You see, back in Iowa..." "No, Freshie." "If you want milk, you can have milk." "But you're drinking the same amount of beer." "Now, shut up and clean." "Sarah, come on, let's go." "I'm in the middle of something, Mindy, give me another hour." "No." "It's 9:00." "Let's go." "Hey." "Oh, my god." "You're not wearing that, are you?" "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" "Nothing, unless you wanna go to the corner and ask for change." "I don't even wanna go to this thing tonight, Mindy." "But you are." "And we're gonna find you clothes to wear." "Look..." "I'll just change my shirt, okay?" "Yeah, no." "You're finding a new man tonight, Sarah." "Maybe I don't want to." "Voila." "You want me to wear a dress?" "Yeah." "Liz is wearing one, and I kind of told her you'd wear one too." "Why can't you wear it?" "Well, because I'd have the unfair advantage, duh." "Plus, I'm the pretty one." "Put on the dress." "So, what am I?" "Honey, you're the smart one." "So that makes Liz the ho, huh?" "Exactly, that makes Liz the ho." "And these are great." "Should I wear stockings with this?" "I don't know." "They're kind of a pain in the ass when you're drunk, right?" "Good point." "Hmm." "Oh, no, no, no." "There." "There, perfect." "How do I look?" "You need makeup." "Mindy, come on." "Just shut up and suck this." "What?" "Just kiss it." "Like suck it a little." "Is this what you do in your spare time?" "It's for your lips." "It makes them look pretty." "What's wrong with my lips?" "Just shut up and kiss it, okay?" "Come on." "You better stop scowling or you're gonna have to get Botox." "Hmm." "Oh." "Wait, wait." "Okay, stop, stop sucking." "Stop sucking!" "Jesus." "Look, let's go there, stay for an hour, and then leave, okay." "Can you just shut up so that you stop making me make mistakes on your face?" "Look, let's see how it is." "It's gonna be nice." "Who knows, Sarah?" "You might find somebody that's worth while there." "You actually might have fun." "Or maybe I'll wind up standing in the corner all night." "Lose this bet and have to do the dishes for the next two weeks." "Oh, my god, we're gonna have a fun time." "It's gonna be great." "Something wonderful is gonna happen tonight, okay?" "Look, I feel it." "Okay?" "Well?" "I'm a miracle worker." "Shut up." "Oh, wait, wait, wait." "Do you want me to do your hair?" "What's wrong with my hair?" "Nothing." "Nothing's wrong with your hair." "What's wrong with my hair, Mindy?" "Nothing is wrong with your hair." "Just... flip, flip." "Flip." "Come on, flip." "I don't think I'm ready for this yet." "Ready for what?" "Flip back up." "This whole dating thing." "I was so happy with Dave." "What if I never find anyone who makes me feel that way again?" "Oh, my goodness gracious." "Do you hear yourself?" "What's the matter with you?" "You used to be so much fun to hang out with." "And now you're just a dragging doll because of Dave." "That's not true, Mindy." "I'm just a little sad." "A little sad?" "A little sad." "You've had your nose in a book, dragging your feet ever since you found out that that donkey conk cheated on you." "Forget it, Mindy, I'm not going." "Come here." "Come here." "Come here." "Come here." "Look at yourself." "Look at yourself." "What do you see?" "Nothing." "Mindy, this is ridiculous." "I'll do the dishes, okay?" "No, no, no." "Look at yourself." "You wanna know why you see nothing?" "It's because he reduced you to nothing." "He's gone, Sarah, and he's still controlling you." "We can stop talking about this now." "No, tough shit." "You're sad, you're depressed and your pushing your friends away." "Yes, all right, yes." "I mean, I'm obviously not capable of holding a guy's attention for very long." "I'm not pretty, I'm too smart for my own good, and I don't put out." "A, your delusional." "B, he's an asshole." "Dave is an asshole." "A-s-w-h-o-l-e, asshole." "Maybe he started off great, maybe it was wonderful." "But he turned into an asshole." "It's over, it is done, and it is time to move on." "And it's best that you realize it." "Now, get your shit together, and let's go over and go to that damn party." "Because you have a bet to settle." "You're gonna win, Mindy." "I mean, what guy would wanna be seen with me anyway?" "Dan, come on, let's go." "I'm not going, man." "Why not?" "Because I'm busy." "Dude, Megan isn't gonna be there." "This has nothing to do with Megan." "This has everything to do with Megan." "Look, just lay off, man." "You need to go to this party, Danny." "No, I need to hone my craft." "I'm working this Sunday." "What, are you Suzy-fucking-homemaker?" "Shut up, Joe." "Come on, Dan." "Look, I'm not in the mood to go to a party tonight." "This is your last gamma bash." "I know." "Besides, Freshie's going beer for beer." "Yeah?" "With who?" "Well, at first it was supposed to be with you." "But we figured he'd drink you under the table, so now he's matching all the brothers." "I can outdrink Freshie any day of the week, twice on Sunday." "Well, he's twice your size." "Twice the experience." "Experience?" "There's not a lot to do in Iowa besides drink and pick corn." "Come on." "Are you sure?" "No pledge is gonna outdrink Danny barker." "I can't believe you didn't back me up." "Dude, Freshie's a big guy, man." "Come on!" "These are good brownies." "This is taking forever." "Senior!" "Yeah!" "Yes!" "This party is jumping!" "Ugh!" "Hey, what time is it?" "It's like 9:30 or something." "I don't know." "God." "If we were later, they may not have let us in." "Mm." "That would have been lucky us." "What is your problem?" "Are you still torn up over the two-timer?" "That's it, I'm out of here." "Sarah." "Sarah, wait." "Sarah wait!" "Do we have to like chase her now?" "Oh, my god." "What the hell's the matter with you?" "Do you know what it took to get her here?" "It's ridiculous." "I mean, that was mean." "Look, I didn't want her to come if she's gonna sulk and pout the whole time." "What the hell?" "Just go get bent." "Just go, go get bent, go." "Okay, I'll see you in five." "Sarah!" "Sarah!" "Come on, Sarah!" "Wait!" "Hammer this, bro." "Come on, man." "Put a smile on your face." "I'm going for a couple beers, man." "What do you want?" "Well..." "I mean, I want you to have a good time." "Seen a girl about my height, brown hair, wearing a blue dress?" "Yeah." "Actually she just passed us." "Where?" "Where did she go?" "Right back there." "We'll help you find her if you want." "Thank you so much." "I'll see you guys at the party." "Yeah." "What crawled up his ass?" "Don't worry about it." "Let's go find your friend." "Thank you so much." "Sarah, wait up!" "Oh, leave me alone!" "Wait up, Sarah!" "Who are you?" "Joe Crosby." "Well, I hope you two have a nice time at the party tonight." "Where are you going?" "Home." "What are you going home for?" "There's a party right around the corner." "I'm not in the mood for a party." "Oh, come on, Sarah." "Look, we walked all the way here." "You're gonna have fun." "If you're not having fun in an hour we'll have fun." "See?" "We'll go home if not." " Are you kidding me?" " No, I'm not kidding you." "Do you promise?" "Okay." "Look at me, I promise." "Regardless of whether I'm having fun or not," "I promise..." "You'll have fun." "Why, thank you." "But if you wanna go home in an hour, then we'll go." "As long as it's after an hour." "Okay?" "But we have to wait in that line all over again." "No, you won't." "I'm a gamma." "You ladies can just come to the gamma entrance with me." "See?" "Great." "Things are looking up." "Thank you." "Let's go." "Ugh." "Bundy." "Gamma hi, gamma pi, gamma oh, hello." "Good job, Bundy." "Sit down, bud." "Danny come in yet?" "Yes, senior brother." "Came in five minutes ago." "He's looking for pledge brother Freshie." "Thanks, Bundy." "I'm gonna send foot rub out so you can come in." "Thank you, brother Crosby." "Foot rub." "Foot rub?" "Don't ask." "Come on." "Foot rub?" "What do you have...?" "You have backrub or something?" "Thank you." "Hi, if I show you my boobs will you let me in?" "No." "What's up, Frankie?" "What's up, fellas?" "There he is!" "Hey, about time you showed up!" "Where's Danny?" "I just saw him drag Freshie outside, something about a table?" "Uh..." "Is the keg here yet?" "Nah, Jay just took some pledges to go get it." "Is anything going on yet?" "We got some cans and some jungle juice." "And, uh, cleaned out the garage once everyone's inside for beer pong." "Yeah." "Come on." "Come on, Sarah." "At least you can smile." "Come on." "This is why I don't come to parties before 11." "Hey, uh, who are those two girls you just brought in?" "Is this better?" "That's so much better." "Stop!" "Come on." "One hour, Mindy, one hour." "Fine." "I don't know, I just met them." "Mindy and Sarah." "Hmm." "Okay, hold the phone." "Mindy, I have dibs on her." "Okay, and what about Sarah?" "Actually, she's fair game, man." "Go work your magic." "Huh, don't mind if I do." "Sucka!" "Okay." "Game on!" "Oh, speaking of which..." "Hi, beautiful." "That's for you." "Are you talking to me?" "Well, yeah." "I'd love to shake your hand and introduce myself, but they seem to be a bit full at the moment." "That is, of course, unless you'd like a beer?" "Thank you." "Thinks he's getting some." "He's not." "Nah." "Isn't that brunette friends with Hayden?" "I have no idea." "I've seen her around before." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Maybe I can get him to entertain her while I entertain her friend." "It could work." "Yeah." "My name is Allen." "Sarah." "Sarah." "Your feet must be tired, Sarah." "Why?" "Because you've been running through my mind all night." "Would you like to go find a seat somewhere?" "Sure." "Told you." "All right, well, do me a favor and just keep Danny drinking." "Like, a lot." "You got it." "Okay?" "Yes!" "Pick it up, please." "Let's go!" "Foot rub, the party's waiting." "Shit, this is heavy." "Ahem." "I'm sorry, did you, uh, say something, foot rub?" "No, pledgemaster socklove!" "Hmm, yeah, did he... did he say something, skidmark?" "Yes, sir, pledgemaster socklove." "Really good job with the keg." "Yeah, really good job." "Let me ask you a question." "How do you expect the beer to come out of that?" "Want me to stick a straw in it?" "Where's the tap, foot rub?" "Get the tap!" "Go, go, go!" "Morons!" "That's hot." "Oh, hey, Rick." "Is that beer for me?" "Uh, sure." "You are such a nice guy." "Gee, thanks." "You know what they say about nice guys." "Come over here, Rick." "They don't always finish last, you know." "Well, maybe we'll see where I finish tonight?" "Maybe." "What, I wasn't getting my own beer." "Tap's here!" "Got it." "Yes." "Yo, Hayden." "Joe." "What's up, brother?" "What's going on, man?" "What's going on, man?" "Hey, um, do you know a girl named Sarah?" "I know a couple of girls named Sarah, I think." "Uh, this one has a friend named Mindy, though." "Sarah Dawson." "Yeah, I lived next to her freshman year." "Oh, nice." "Uh, what's her deal?" "Sarah?" "Are you interested?" "No, no, not in her." "In her friend Mindy, but Mindy's not gonna stay unless Sarah does." "So, what's that whole issue that's going on?" "I see." "She, uh..." "She had a bad breakup." "I think she's going through like a really hard time." "Sounds familiar." "I'm actually surprised that she's even here tonight." "So listen, do you think you could like entertain her a little bit so I can chat up her friend Mindy?" "Chat up or like...?" "A little boop-boop..." "No, no." "Um, please, don't ever do that again sorry, that was..." "But, listen, she's too busy babysitting, and so I haven't gotten to say anything to her." "Maybe an introduction?" "All right, I guess I could open the door." "And I'll walk right in." "I know you will." "That's what I'm talking about." "Now, come on." "All right." "Look, I can't promise anything, but I'll do what I can." "Promise anything?" "Dude, I just need five minutes." "Look, Sarah's my friend man." "Just don't put me in a bad spot, okay?" "Yeah, I'm talking to you." "What?" "Dude." "Yeah." "All right." "Come on, I would never." "Let's go come on." "Let's do it, let's do it." "Whoo!" "Get it!" "Come on, get it!" "Yeah, come on, baby!" " Whoa!" " Yeah!" "Oh!" "Oh, god!" "Freshie, that's the nastiest shit I've ever seen!" "Well, back in Iowa..." "Oh, no, no, no, here." "Go, just chug, come on!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "So tell us about that guy upstairs." "Yes, he was hot but..." "Something was up with him." "He had the tiniest dick." "I told you!" "I swear." " Ew." " So disappointing." "That's embarrassing for him." "What do you do with something like that?" "Ew, what do you do?" "Like, like how small?" "Like here, here...?" "Like this size." "Oh, my god!" "You're kidding." "What do you do with that?" "Melanie." "Melanie." "Alex." "Allen." "Whatever, Allen." "I think you're hot and all, but it takes more than that to get with me." "Really?" "Yes." "Well, I just wanted to give you a taste of what you'd be hearing tonight." "Well, how about I give you a little taste?" " Wanna go upstairs?" " In your dreams." "Sometimes dreams come true." "And, uh, in all sincerity," "I was just admiring your pants." "My pants?" "Yeah, your pants." "I think they're on fire." "My pants are on fire?" "What are you talking about?" "Your pants are on fire..." "Because your ass is hot." "Oh, god." "Well, actually, they're baseball pants." "Baseball pants?" "Really?" "Yeah, because I'm completely out of your league." "I see what you, uh..." "Well played." "What are you thinking?" "I wonder if he has a big dick?" "Oh." "Oh, no." "No." "Really?" "Wha..." "You know we have a rule in the gamma house?" "No empty cups." "Thanks, Hayden." "No problem." "Not having a good time?" "No, not really." "Sarah, can I give you some friendly advice?" "Could I stop you?" "Of course not." "You're ruining your senior year." "You can blame Dave all you want, but you have the power to let go and move on." "Have fun." "I mean, you're not gonna be able to relive these moments." "Did Mindy send you over here?" "No." "Why?" "Because you sound just like her." "Speaking of Mindy, have you seen her?" "No." "I think she's avoiding me." "All right, well, I'm gonna go try and find her." "Bye." "Look, can you blame Mindy?" "You're at a party, have fun." "Seriously, Sarah, you're doing it to yourself." "You're right." "I am?" "Yeah." "See?" "There's a first time for everything." "Thanks, Hayden." "You're the best." "I know." "Now, let's go play some beer pong." "Sure, why not?" " Thanks." " You're very welcome." "Hey, Deedee." "Hey." "Hey, Allen." "So, um, could you do me a favor?" "What's that?" "Could you feel my shirt?" "Excuse me?" "Just feel my shirt." "Okay." "Do you know what that is?" "Cotton?" "Nope." "Boyfriend material." "It seems a little clingy and hard to maintain." "Bye." "Mm." "No, really, bye." "Right." "Yeah, bye." "He had a really nice butt." "I should've said yes." "You should have said..." "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Oh, god." "Oh, man." "All right, Freshie, let's get you a refill." "I think I saw a cow in the kitchen or something." "Really?" "No, you moron." "Well, back in Iowa..." "Yo, pay me." "Joe!" "Yo!" "Been looking all over for you." "Hey, that rhymed." "Are you seriously that drunk right now?" "Dude, I can drink anyone under the table." "How many have you had already?" "Um..." "I don't know, like... 10, 12, 17, 18, 19..." "Maybe you should slow down a little, dude." "You don't wanna puke so soon into the party." "I'm not gonna puke." "I can drink anyone under the table." "You said that already, dude." "You know, screw it." "Where's Freshie?" "I'm not done with him yet." "Uh, what...?" "Some of the other brothers got him." "I'm not done with him yet." "You said that already." "Screw it." "You said that too." "Come on, let's go inside." "Why?" "Because I found a hot chick." "And she's got a pretty cute friend." "What cute, that's it?" "Danny, come on." "Okay." "He's just the greatest guy." "How long have you been together?" "Two months." "Oh, my god." "You're so happy, Katie." "I know." "Isn't it ridiculous?" "I am so jealous." "I know, right?" "Some girls get all the luck." "Okay, now where is he?" "He's here." "Just getting me a drink." "Could you just die?" "Mm-hm." "It's so stinking sweet." "And and I bet he is drop-dead gorgeous too." "Oh, he's cute." "Oh, he's taking over his dad's company in few years, so he has a solid future ahead of him." "Well, look who's gonna get her Mrs degree." "Oh, stop." "Dum-dum-da-dum!" "I hope so." "Okay, seriously, where can I find someone like that?" "Oh, my god, Liz, he is so not my type." "We were made partners in English lit, and one thing led to another." "You just gotta stay away from the creeps." "You know I am a creep magnet." "Hey, babe." "See?" "Okay!" "In what world, friend..." "Oh, no, I was just..." "In what world..." "Look, I'm sure you've heard a lot about me." "It's not all true." "I haven't..." "Listen, just because you bring me a beer, doesn't mean I'm gonna..." "It's not for you." "Hop in the sack with you." "Look at you, you're not even a gamma yet." "You're probably never gonna be a gamma." "Oh, really?" "Yeah." "And where would you even expect to take me?" "Mommy's basement?" "Don't flatter yourself." "Seriously, it's never gonna happen." "Don't worry, I have a girlfriend, and you're not my type." "Mm-hm." "Really?" "Mm-hm." "Yeah, really." "Come on, Darrin." "Awkward." "Have a great wedding." "Your face, my face." "Let's make it happen." "Ooh." "Never gonna happen." "Can you believe that guy?" "He hit on me like half and hour ago." "Why doesn't that surprise me?" "Frat boys." "All right, who's next?" "I'll play." "Wait." "We'll get each other smashed." "Okay." "How about teams?" "You two versus me and..." "Joe." "Beer pong?" "Yeah." "Hell, yeah." "Sure, girls against guys, let's do it." "All right, let's do it." "That's really good." "How it's done." "Trust me I'm better." "Oh!" "You know you're getting wasted." "Wasted!" " Why are you high-fiving him?" " I'm the one that made it..." "Oh!" "Drink." "No, no, no." "Oh!" "You're going down." "Game point, Mel." "All right." "Relax." "I can't drink anymore, so don't miss." "For the last, I got this." "Chill out." "Don't put your elbow on the table." "I am going to kick your ass if you don't shut up." "Oh!" "It looks like someone is finally loosening up." "Well, looks like I won." "Won what?" "A drinking game between me and Mindy." "Aah!" "There was a drinking game and I wasn't invited." "I thought you knew." "Hey, who wants to do a keg stand?" "Do it, Sarah." "Do it." "You're joking." "No." "Aah!" "Okay, we triple-dog dare you." "Yeah, come on." "I'll be gentle." "Okay, but you have to do one too." "Girl, you don't have to ask me twice." "Be gentle." "You got it." "Hold my drink." "Mm." "Hold my dress." "Done." "All right." "All right." "You ready." "Yeah." "Aah!" "Whoa!" "Oh." "Okay." "I got it, I got it." "In your mouth." "Go, chug, chug." "She's a pro." "She's been doing this all night." "Whoa." "You all right?" "Let's go, Jake." "Yeah." "You ready?" "Come on, keep going." "Ooh." " Come on, pledge." " Yes, sir." "Take it like a man." " All right, frank." "Get him up." " Get him up there." "Come on, let's go." "Drink it." "Go, frank." "Here we go." "Okay." "Let's do it." "All right..." " Let's go, come on." " Let's do this." "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Chug!" "Mindy, long time no see." "Oh, my god." "Shut the hell up, Sarah." "Come on." "There, off the stairs." "Guess what." "What?" "I won beer pong, and did a keg stand." "Congratulations." "I wrote down my score." "Goodness gracious." "There." "I'm at 47." "Honey, if you were at 47, you'd be dead, you idiot." "Uh..." "Right." "Tell me the score." "It's 11." "And you have?" "Two." "You're doing the dishes, shut the hell up, Sarah." "You're doing the dishes." "Shut up." "Oh, is Mindy windy getting all mad?" "Look, you won, okay?" "You won." "Game over." "Can we go home now?" "Please, let's go home." "Look around, it's disgusting." "You're the one who wanted to come here in the first place, minster." "This whole contest was your idea." "I didn't even wanna come." "Mm-hm." "And now I'm having a good time, and you wanna leave?" "I don't think so." "Come on." "Okay, come on." "Wanna stay?" "Mm-hm." "That guy has been looking at you all night." "I bet you could get a beer from him." "Yeah, right there." "Who?" "Right there, see him?" "Right there." "Really?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, absolutely." "Mm-hm." "Make it better:" "I bet you a dollar that you can't get a beer from him." "You're on." "Is your father an astronaut?" "Oh, don't." "Okay then." "Hi there." "Hi." "I'm Sarah." "Brian." "Are you having a good time tonight?" "I am now that you're here." "I like you." "You're fun." "Excuse me." "What do you think you're doing?" "Chanel, it's not what you think." "Are you talking to me?" "Well, I ain't talking to myself." "Look, I'm over here having a nice conversation with a nice-looking guy, and you have to come over here and try to ruin it for me?" "Why don't you turn your skanky ass back around and crawl back from the rock you came out from." "Now, I know you didn't just call my ass skanky." "Oh, yes, I did." "If the shoe fits, honey, lace that bitch right up." "How about I lace it up your ass?" "How about you get out of my face?" "Hey, Sarah." " Hi, Mindy." " Hey." "I did what you told me to." "I came over here and I flirted with Brian." "But this skank came over here and ruined my chances." "I know you're not talking about me." "Oh, yes, I am." "Look, mayor of munchkin land, she's drunk, can't you see that?" "She's drunk." "Yeah." "And your friend has been flirting with my man all night." "Oh, honey, I bet he was thinking about you the whole time." "So get over it." "Mindy, you told me he was staring at me all night." "Oh." "Oh, you did, did you?" "Well, let me tell you something." "He doesn't ever have to look at anybody else." " You know why?" " Why?" "Because I got a job at Hooters." "Doing what?" "Washing dishes?" "What the hell is so funny?" "You wash dishes because your tits..." "What the hell is wrong with you?" "Tiny-titty bitches." "Oh, my god." "Aah!" "What?" " Chanel!" " Sarah, Sarah." "Okay, okay, I know." "Mindy..." "Okay, I know, I know." "I know." "I'm all wet." "Okay, let's clean you up first." "Yeah, no, no, it's okay." "Hey, baby." "Wanna get lei'd?" "I thought you'd never ask." "Get a room." "You wanna?" "Okay." "Can you believe her?" "She is the ho." "Dude, Joe, I'm so drunk." "No shit." "How many have you had?" "I have no idea." "A... a lot." "More than Freshie?" "Hell, yeah, more than Freshie." "I can drink anyone under the table." "How many times do you wanna say that tonight?" "I have no idea." "Where's that chick?" "What chick?" "Mindy?" "Dude, I don't know." "She's cute, man." "So is her friend." "Freshie, how the hell are you still drinking milk, man?" "That's impressive, Freshie." "Dude, he totally puked all over you." "No!" "Come on, man, let's go get you cleaned up." "Come on, man." "Come on." "Come on." "Okay, Sarah." "Whoa." "Oh, my god." "Come on, honey." "Come on." "Come on." "I know." "You got him uh-huh." "This is ridiculous." "I know, honey." "I know." "Come on." "Ugh." "I'm not blind." "I saw you looking at her." "I wasn't." "You were!" "Hi." "You were doing it again." "No, she looked familiar." "Hello, ladies." "Shut the door." "Were busy." "Get out." "Oh, my god." "Okay." "There." "Oh." "I know, I'm sorry." "Close the door." "All my fault." "This sucks." "I know." "Bed." "Oh, bed." "Come on." "Mindy, I'm all wet." "I know, I know." "It's all my fault." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "Just... it's gonna be be okay, all right?" "Yeah." "Why did she do that to me?" "I don't know, baby." "Look, this is what we're gonna do." "We're gonna get you cleaned, get you out of this dress." "I'm..." "look at me." "Look..." "No..." "look..." "look at me." "We're gonna get you out of the dress, clean it, and then we're gonna go home, okay?" "Yeah?" "Now, go get you something to put on." "Stop playing with your dress." "Stop playing with yourself." "Here, wear this." "Ew." "They might be dirty." "I'm not wearing them." "Oh, my god." "Then just smell it." "Put it on." "I'm not smelling them." "Are they yours?" "Yes, Sarah." "They're mine and they're clean." "Now, put them on." "Let's find you a shirt or something to put on." "Sarah." "Sarah!" "Come on, Sarah." "Wake up." "Oh, my god." "Sarah, come on." "Wake up, Sarah." "Come on." "Come on, Sarah wake up!" "And up." "Oh, my god." "Sarah, come on." "Look." "They're playing beer pong outside." "Come on, look, throw the ball." "Come on, Sarah." "Throw the ball." "Come on, Sarah." "We're playing beer pong." "Fine." "Fine, of course." "I have to do everything for this child." "Every freaking thing." "Come on, Sarah, come on." "Come on." "At least you wore the black bra." "Kind of cute." "Oh, my goodness gracious." "Oh, my god." "Okay, come on, Sarah." "We're gonna put..." "Put you pants on, Sarah." "Come on, do it." "See, see the pants." "Put them on." "Put them on." "Oh, my god, I'm usually trying to get your pants off." "I just want you to put the freaking pants on." "Sarah, put on the pants." "Come on." "Really?" "Okay." "We are gonna do this." "Oh, my gosh." "Sarah." "At least she shaves, yeah." "If somebody comes in here, I swear to god." "I swear." "What am I gonna do with you?" "What am I gonna do?" "Come on, wake up." "Wake up." "Wake up." "Come on, Sarah." "Wake up, you drunk." "Come on." "Shoes first." "The shoes have got to go." "Why did you wear these boots?" "Oh, my god." "Really?" "Are you kidding me?" "I bring you to a party and you don't even get a pedicure." "Why the freaking boots." "Oh, my goodness gracious." "Let's get you up." "Come on, get you to bed, Sarah." "Come on." "Oh, my god." "Look, I'm not gonna hold this over your head, but there is no way that I'm going over and cleaning those dishes." "Your legs are nice, your ass is hot." "Get your ass into bed." "Come on." "Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, somebody's coming." "Somebody's coming." "Oh, my god." "We gotta get you under the thing." "Get you under the cushions and the covers." "Yes." "Feet!" "Okay, clothes, okay, no dead bodies in here." "No, hand." "Okay." "Okay." "You, can you breathe?" "Yeah." "You, you stay there." "I'm gonna go dry your dress, and then we're gonna go home, okay?" "Don't you move, okay." "Don't you move." "Ow!" "Come on in." "The water's fine." "Don't even think about it." "Oh." "Oh, my god." "Is there laundry room in here?" "Yeah, go down the hall make a right, and go down the stairs make a left." "Okay, thank you so much." "She's hot." "I know." "Okay, come on." "Right here." "All right." "Danny." "Yeah?" "You stink." "I know." "Beer and milk don't mix." "No shit." "You all right?" "At least you didn't get any in your hair." "I think I need a change of clothes." "Yeah." "I'll run home and get you some." "Why don't you just give me those smelly rags and I'll throw them in the wash?" "Or burn them or something." "I'm sorry, dude." "You know, this is all your fault." "I know." "I'm sorry." "Where's Freshie?" "I'm gonna kick his ass." "Yeah, you definitely drank him under the table, though." "That's what I've been trying to say this whole time." "Like a child." "Just lay back and go to sleep." "Okay." "And I'll wake you up when I get back." "Okay." "Good, okay, there you go." "I'm sorry, dude." "Dan?" "Under the table my ass." "Hi there." "I didn't think you'd still be here." "Of course." "Where else would I be during a frat party?" "Yeah, because the laundry room is the obvious choice." "Oh, my god, what is that smell?" "You don't wanna know." "Yo, skidmark!" "Get in here!" "Just burn those." "Gamma pi, gamma high..." "Save it, mark." "Run back to my apartment and get some clothes for Danny." "Look in the black dresser in the brown bedroom." "Uh, anything in particular I should get?" "Jeans and a shirt?" "What do I look like, Tommy Hilfiger?" "Just go grab some clothes, skidmark." "Yes, senior brother Crosby." "Right away, sir." "Oh, and skidmark." "Yes, sir." "Burn these." "Yes, sir." "Really?" "What?" "Come on, that is just pathetic." "Oh, come on." "We're just having fun." "No, to each his own, to each his own, come on." "Don't you have a party or something to get to?" "What, you trying to get rid of me?" "No, I would just assume that, you'd rather be somewhere else than the laundry room here." "Yeah, but you're here." "And?" "And I would hate for you to wait all by yourself for the clothes to dry." "Look..." "It's a 26-minute cycle," "I'm a big girl." "I can sit alone, okay?" "Yeah, but it doesn't seem like it would be very fun." "Is that right." "But it would be fun if you were here with me?" "That's up to you." "Is that right?" "It was Joe, right?" "You know, Joe, in 26 minutes a lot of stuff can happen." "It's all I need." "Got the clothes..." "Goddamn it, skidmark." "Sorry, here." "I'm so sorry." "Sorry about that." "I've got to go get Sarah, I'm so sorry." "Maybe I'll see you around campus." "Yeah, yeah, maybe." "Danny, let's go, bud." "What?" "What is going on?" "Dude, nice." "That's pretty good, man." "Dude, Dan, Dan." "Dan." "Hey, Sarah are you ready to...?" "Uh, what's going on?" "Um..." "I put my friend to bed up here, and he was all my himself." "There was no one else up here." "No, no, no." "When I brought Sarah in here nobody was in bed with her." "Okay, well, I didn't put them together." "I'm just trying to help my friend out, okay?" "He's a little drunk." "Wait, let me see this." "I take it that these are your friends?" "Yeah." "What are you doing?" "Well, it seems we have a little coincidence on our hands." "Um, what do you mean?" "I sort of put Sarah in bed, and hid her before your friend got here." "Oh." "Yeah." "Look, I brought Sarah to the party to have her meet someone and she really didn't." "And, well..." "She's in bed with your friend now." "Okay." "And you wanna just leave them, and have them wake up together tomorrow?" "Any objections?" "None." "Danny deserves this." "Good." "Beautiful!" "Yeah, this is gonna be good." "Wait, what are you doing?" "Let's make them a little more comfortable." "Oh, I love the way you think." "I love this!" "Come on, Sarah, we're gonna move you over." "Come on, Sarah." "Oh, man." "Oh." "Oh, there we go, there we go." "Can you get that pillow?" "Can we get his hand on her boob?" "Hand, boob, boob." "Yes, squeeze." "There we go." "I think we did it." "Oh, look at the babies." "I'm not washing the dishes." "Oh, nice." "Nice." "That should do it." "She is going to freak." "Yeah, so is he." "Um..." "You want me to walk you home?" "Yeah, my work here is done." "That'd be nice." "Let's go do that." "Shall we?" "Yeah." "Whoa!" "Oh, my god." "Who...?" "Who are you?" "Who am I?" "Who are you?" "No, I'm not tell you who I am, until you tell me who you are." "Why not?" "Because I asked first." "Oh, my god." "I can't believe this shit." "Will you please watch your language?" "Oh, excuse me, little miss innocence." "What is that supposed to mean?" "It means I don't think you're as innocent as you think you are." "What are you talking about?" "Unless of course you go to bed in a bra and boxers." "Oh, my god." "Where are my clothes?" "Where am I?" "You." "You brought me here." "Whoa, listen, Chickie." "I didn't bring anybody anywhere," "I don't even know whose place this is." "Shit." "Watch your language." "How dare you?" "First, you get me completely drunk, and you bring me up here to try to take advantage of me while I'm practically unconscious on the bed." "Whoa, whoa, no, no." "Under no circumstances did I take advantage of you." "We didn't even have sex last night." "And what makes you so sure?" "Because I would never sleep with someone like you." "Then what happened last night?" "I can't remember." "Because you wouldn't normally sleep with someone like me, doesn't mean you wouldn't when drunk." "No, no." "I wouldn't do something like that." "You can't even remember what you did." "And neither can you." "Ow!" "What the hell are you doing?" "I don't know." "I thought it'd be familiar or something." "Spark a memory." "Mother..." "Uh..." "Anything?" "No." "You?" "Nothing." "Oh, my clothes." "What's this?" "That's mine." "Thanks." "These are my clothes." "At least it's dry now." "Oh, my god." "I remember." "I was going beer for beer with Freshie." "Mindy dragged me to this party, we had this stupid contest." "He was drinking milk with his beer." "I flirted with this girl's boyfriend." "He totally barfed all over me." "She got mad and threw a drink on me." "Then Joe took me up here to get a change of clothes." "And then Mindy dragged me up here." "Next thing I know." "And then..." "I woke up next to you." "Joe is dead." "So is Mindy." "I'm sorry I said I'd never sleep with someone like you." "Sorry I hit you." "Sorry I called you a bitch." "You didn't call me a bitch." "I didn't?" "No." "Oh." "Well, I thought it." "Well, I better get home." "Yeah." "It was nice meeting you, considering the circumstances." "Yeah." "Maybe I'll see you around campus." "Yeah, maybe." "Hey." "Yeah?" "Do you wanna grab breakfast or something?" "I'd like that." "Yeah." "Cool." "Uh, just one more thing." "Yeah?" "What's your name?"