"Straight through there and to the left" "Would you like to..." " Who's this?" " Pardon me?" "That's not my father." "Shit, we've taken the wrong one." "We're really sorry for this." "We'll go back and get him." "Jesus..." "They brought the wrong coffin." "You're joking." "Can you believe that?" "Good thing I checked." "We could be running the service for some random member of the public." "What kind of business are these people running anyway?" "My God." "There's just so much to worry about you know." "And Mom's in such a state..." "Robert is clear he'll not do anything to help, assuming he gets here at all." "Even the funeral speech is awful." "I'm sure it's not that awful." "Yeah, it is." "I was thinking that maybe Robert... ..should write the speech." "He's such a good writer." "Maybe we should let him do it." "You're every bit as good a writer as your brother Daniel, if not better, you just have to let somebody else read your novel." "Everything is gonna be okay." "When the funeral is over we just have to focus on moving out of here and starting our own lives properly." "You called them?" "Didn't you, Daniel?" "You did put the deposit on the flat?" "I'll sort it out." "I promise." "God, I hate funerals." "Don't you?" "They're just so depressing." "It's just the death and everything know what I mean?" "Do you agree, Justin?" "Justin?" "Yeah, it's alright" "Alright?" "How can you possibly think of that as alright?" "Why are you even coming to this?" "You don't even know Daniel." "I do know Daniel." "I met him a couple of times." "A couple of times." "Well he's not a friend, is he?" "No, not a friend." "If you're gonna smoke will you please put that out the window?" "I'd rather not get your cancer thank you very much." "I got my own problems to be worrying about." "Yeah, like what?" "The discoloration on my wrist I keep telling you about." "Look at it." "It's fucked." "I'm fucked." "Why are we even coming, eh?" "Cause of Martha, isn't it?" "Justin..." "Are you okay?" "Not too bad, thanks Martha." "I'm a bit nervous." "About seeing my Dad?" "I just don't think I've been so openly hated by anyone before." "He just hates everyone." "You mustn't take it to heart." "You need to relax with him." "I can't help it." "He puts me on edge." "He'll be more concerned his sister husband just died." "He's not gonna be focused on you." "Anyway, I'm sure when I tell him that we're getting married He'll start to learn to accept you." "Are you sure about that?" "Of course." "I can't really see Victor as the accepting type." "We're on our way to a funeral you wanker!" "Haven't you got any respect?" "Okay, calm down." "It's all right, breathe." "Through your nose." "Okay?" "Deep breaths." "You alright?" "That fucking..." "Alright, I'm gonna go down." "Hope they brought the right coffin this time." "I'll come with you." "It's okay, I can do it." "I know, I know you can." "I'm just gonna check on the seats." "To make sure there's enough room for Uncle Alfie." "Shit." "Hello?" "Hey mate." "How are you?" "You alright?" "Yeah." "Of course I remember Uncle Alfie." "Absolutely fine." "Yeah, not a problem at all." "No." "Of course I don't mind." "Alright." "Yeah, don't worry." "It's fine." "I promise." "See you soon." "Okay, bye." "Shit." "Is this...your father sir?" "Yes, it is yes." "Hey mum." "You alright?" "I just don't know what I'm going to do without him." "What do I have to live for now?" "Don't be silly." "You got your friends, family..." "You got me and Jane and Robert..." "Where is Robert?" "Have you heard from him?" "His plane will land at 10:00" "But he'll be here." "Don't worry." "If there's anything I can do Sandra..." "Don't put your hand there dear you'll leave marks." "I'll get'em to you this evening." "No, can't do it this afternoon." "I got a funeral." "Yeah, my uncle died." "Yeah, tragic." "I'm telling you mate." "This is really powerful stuff." "You really only need to take half." "Trust me." "You're gonna bite your fucking head off." "I gotta go." "My sister's in." "I'll tell you if I get to the bar after the funeral." "Bye." "Hang on!" "Hi." "How's it going?" "Troy you're not ready?" "Come on, we're gonna be late." "I put on my trousers and I'm done." "Are you guys okay?" "Simon is a bit freaked out." "Some asshole almost drove us off the road." "Fucking bastards." "Make yourselves comfy." "I'll be out in two minutes." "Look at these pills all over the place." "Troy is studying to be a pharmacist." "Are you okay?" "I'm a bit shaky..." "Not much, just a little..." "Take one of these." "It will calm you down." "You sure?" "Absolutely." "It's just Valium." "I used to take them all the time." "It will make you feel better." "Honestly." "Come on." "Open wide." "I'm ready." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Robert?" "Robert." "Hi, Mom." "Darling." "Happy to see you." " How are you doing?" " Okay." "Hi Robert." "How are you?" "Good." "How was your flight?" "Great..." "There was a lot of turbulence that was a bit worrying..." "That's the thing about 1st class." "It doesn't matter how much you pay... for the ticket if the plane crushes we're all gonna end up dead." "Sorry." "No, no, I'll go." "Don't worry." "Shit." "That's him." "Jesus, Howard." "You didn't say he was gonna be in a fucking wheelchair." "Uncle Alfie, hello." "We're here to take you to the funeral." "Where the fuck have you been?" "You're late." "This is bloody grim, isn't it?" "It's not supposed to be fun." "I know, but Jesus..." "I feel like my heart has been wrenched out of my ribcage." "It's awful." "Well, that's grief for you." "That's why I don't like close relationships." "Too much emotion." "I'm just glad you're gonna be here with Mom." "Yeah, well not for long." "Jane and I are moving out." "What about Mom?" "Actually I was thinking maybe she'd like to to come with you to New York for a bit." "Don't be ridiculous." "I can't take her to New York." "What am I gonna do with her?" "Take her to parties?" "We've already decided." "We're putting a deposit in a flat." " I'm gonna need money." " What money?" "Money for all this." "For the funeral." "You agreed to pay the half." " Did I?" " Yeah." "Yeah, so..." "Yeah, I don't have it on me Daniel." "I can get it to you in a few... months." "A few months?" "Robert, I need it now." "Can't happen." "I'm skinned." "What do you mean skinned?" "You're a successful novelist you live in New York and you have a penthouse there." "What do you mean?" "Do you have any idea how much it costs for up-keeping it?" "And besides this, I paid a fortune to fly out here." "Do you know how much they charge for 1st class nowadays?" "It's a fucking disgrace." "So, poor old Uncle Eddie, eh?" "Yes." "Did you ever meet Uncle Eddie, Simon?" "Simon?" "Was there a dog in here just now?" "What?" "I'm sure there was a dog in here." "What the hell are you talking about?" "There's nowhere to park." "This is ridiculous." "How about over there?" "The guy is coming out." "Take it!" "Alright!" "What are you doing?" "Are you mental?" "Sorry." "Excuse me." "Sorry..." "Oh, hi Martha." "I was just about to park there actually." "Are you a relative, Howard?" "No, I'm not." "But..." "Hey Martha." "Who's that?" "What's happening?" "Did you see that?" "She barely even looked at me." "I said what's happening?" "Are we there?" "Oh, my God." "We got Uncle Alfie in the car." "I can't believe I forgot to say I've got Uncle Alfie in the car." "Alright, keep your hair on!" "What the hell is going on?" "She barely even looked." "Very green here." "Isn't it...?" "Very green..." "Simon, what the hell is the matter with you?" "What do you mean?" "You're talking about phantom dogs and things being green..." "What's going on?" "I don't know..." "Martha." "Is Simon normally like this?" "Of course he's not normally like this." "Something's not right." "Hello..." "I think it must be the Valium." "The Valium?" "Yes." "I gave him a Valium from your flat." "I think he's just not used to it..." "Right." "Are you gonna get any closer?" "You're going the wrong way." "Stop the car." "I need to speak to Martha." "What?" "I need to speak to Martha." "What about Alfie?" "I need help with Uncle Alfie." "We're gonna be late!" "Please, stop doing that." "Thank you for coming." "So good to see you." "It's so weird to be back here." "I feel so out of it." "That's because you live in a different country." "You loose touch." "Who are all these people?" "I don't recognise any of them." "Who's that guy?" "I've no idea." "Probably some friend from dad's work." "Are you telling me I have to pay for this entire funeral on my own?" "Well, I can't draw money out of thin air, Daniel." "Jesus fucking Christ!" "Daniel." "How's everything going?" "Fine, thanks Reverend Davis." "We're just waiting for everyone to arrive and then we can start." "Great, thank you." "Have you met my brother Robert?" "The writer of course." "It's a pleasure to meet you." "I have read several of your novels." "Really?" "You must be very proud of your brother." "Yeah, very proud." "Will you be reading the eulogy today?" "No, Daniel is going to do it." "Great." "I'll just make sure I have everything I need." "Listen, I think you should do the eulogy." "...everyone's expecting you to do it, I'll just make a mess of it anyways." "Don't be silly." "You do it." "You'll be fine." "All these can go through now." "How's my little sister?" "That's very sad." "He was a wonderful husband wasn't he?" "So tender, so devoted." "Can I get you a cop of tea, Sandra?" "Tea can do many things, Jane." "But it can't bring back the dead." ""My father was an exceptional man"..." ""My father was an exceptional man"..." "Daniel, have you called yet about the deposit?" "No, I haven't." "Why don't you give me the number and I can do it?" "Jane, don't make a fuss." "Do you see that guy standing by the table?" "Do you recognise him at all?" "He's really staring at me." "Are you listening to me at all?" "We have to put the deposit on the flat, before it's too late." "I know." "Alright?" "You'll break it!" "Hurry up, we're late." "Oh God..." ""My father was an exceptional man" "My father was an exceptional man"..." "Kate has grown up a bit isn't she?" "What?" "Katey." "She was a little girl when I left and now she's fit." "I'm going to chat with her." "Yeah, why don't you?" ""My father was an exceptional man"..." "Hello there." "Oh, hello." "I was really sorry to hear about your father." "He always talked about you." "Said you were a good son." "Thank you." "Did he ever mention me?" "I'm Peter." "Peter..." "I don't think so." "Were you friends with Dad?" "Nice to meet you and thank you for coming." "Push the bloody thing..." "I am damn it..." "You're useless..." ""My father was an exceptional man"..." "Daniel." "I think we should be calling everyone in, now to start the service." "Sure." "Really I'm only supposed to be here until 3." "Sure." "Do you mind if we wait 5 minutes for my Uncle Alfie?" "We shouldn't start without him, if possible." "Sure." "Look." "Isn't it beautiful?" "Martha." "Can I have a word?" "Excuse me." "Why?" "What is it?" "I have to tell you something." "I'm warning you in advance you're not gonna like it." "Nice to see you." "Thank you for coming." "Daniel." "Uncle Victor." "Hello, Robert." "Uncle Victor." "How are you?" "I'm sad." "I understand." "So, how are things in New York?" "Great." "Really good." "What's with this nonsense about you not doing the eulogy?" "That's right." "Daniel is gonna do the eulogy." "Well that's a dams shame." "I mean, I'm sure Daniel will be fine but after all you're the writer in the family." "Will you just excuse me a second?" "So any new books coming out?" "I'll get my things together." "Sure." "You alright?" "Every single bloody person wants Robert to do the eulogy." "He's my father too, isn't he?" "I'm entitled to the bloody eulogy." "Of course." "And it's gonna be the best bloody eulogy anybody has ever heard." "Alright?" "Looks like Robert won't be doing the eulogy." "What did you just say?" "I said the Valium you gave Simon wasn't actually a Valium." "It's a hallucinogenic concoction." "You know, stuff lice acid, mescaline, a little smaller though." "This isn't funny Troy." "I'm not being funny." "Look at him." "You're absolutely stupid." "How can you leave stuff like that, on your flat?" "I didn't think that someone will take it." "Who goes to someone else's flat and take anything?" "It was a Valium bottle." "Fuck, Troy." "What am I to do?" "Should I tell him?" "No!" "Don't do that." "You'll freak him out completely." "We should keep a very close eye on him." "Make sure he doesn't get out of control." "And don't let him spend too long talking to one person." "Damn." "Hey Dad." "How are you doing?" "You're late." "Hi Dad." "Hi Troy." "You're missing University today?" "Nothing to worry." "I'll catch up." "I know." "I'm not worried about you." "I see you brought your friend along." "His name is Simon." "Simon?" "Of course I brought him, he's my boyfriend." "Martha, so good to see you." "I'm so sorry Aunt Sandra." "We'll miss Uncle Edward terribly." "Yeah, he was a great guy." "Yes he was." "Simon, this is my..." "Yeah absolutely..." "So sorry about the death." "So sorry..." "Thank you." "...everything." "What are you gonna do?" "No idea." "I can't leave." "Aunt Sandra will never speak to me again." "Shit." "Hey Martha." "You look nice." "I'm dressed for a funeral." "Yeah, but still..." "I heard about the engagement." "What's that about?" "Who told you that?" "I haven't even told my dad." "Is that the guy you're gonna marry?" "You're gonna spend the rest of your life with him?" "Yup, that's him." "Simon?" "Martha..." "Come on!" "Can you give me a hand, Justin?" "Hi..." "Daniel." "There's something I'd like to talk to you about when you have a moment." "Great, do you mind if we do it later?" "Because my Uncle Alfie just came in." "Sure." "Thank you Justin." "Thank so much mate." "I hope it wasn't too much hustle." "How are you Uncle Alfie?" "Terrible." "Ladies and Gentlemen." "If you could all kindly take your seats..." "We're about to begin the service." "Simon, please." "Move." "Don't start yet." "Don't start." "Move." "Jesus, Howard." "You stink." "Family and friends." "Maybe, because you left me to deal with Uncle Alfie on my own not to mention you taking all the credit." "Can you please be quiet?" "We'll start with a favorite passage of Edward's from the King James' bible it's the 1st book of Samuel chapter 18." "Martha, just so you know, we had Uncle Alfie in the car with us." "And you took my parking space." "And I had to push him half a mile up the hill by myself." "Almost fainted." "That was MY parking space." "If you don't stop this I'll take you out and kick the living shit out of you." "Do you understand?" "What's going on?" "She stole my parking space." "What do you mean she stole your parking space?" "This is a funeral." "Behave yourself." "Then, Jonathan and David made a covenant." "Because he loved him as his own soul." "And so it came to pass that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David." "And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him and gave it to David." "And his garments, even his sword and his bow and his belt." "Now, we'll have a few words from Edward's son, Daniel." "Hi, everyone." "Thanks for so many of you coming." "I never realised Dad was so popular." "In fact, it seems he has more friends now that he's dead, than when he was alive." "My father was an exceptional man." "He was born in 1938 just a year before the war." "I'll never forget the time when Dad took us to the place where he grew up." "Near a town called Crowley at Sassex." "It's changed a lot over the years with the expansion of Gatwick airport." "Actually, it's something of a commuter town now partly because of it's proximity to London." "When my father was young it had pastures." "And fields and greenery." "An Dad would run around the countryside for hours with his close boyhood friend, Bob." "He told how they spend summer days riding bikes..." "Did you see that?" "The coffin just moved." "...and swimming in the lake." "Dad's..." "Dad's first work, was working after school as an apprentice for an electrician named Mr. Thompson." "It happened again!" "I'm telling you, the coffin is moving!" "Simon, please calm down." "The coffin is moving, I tell you!" "There's someone alive in there!" "Simon, where are you going?" "What the hell is wrong with you all?" "Look at it!" "Can't you see?" "Open your eyes!" "It's moving around in there." "Can't you see?" "Simon, please." "What are you doing there?" "Stop it!" "Don't touch that!" "I've got to let him out!" "God!" "Calm down Mom." "Unbelievable, wasn't it?" "If you like you can have some tea and cake and we'll call you as soon as we can." "What the fuck was all that about?" "Daniel, I'm so sorry." "The coffin was moving..." "Just go back inside and I'll explain it." "I'm so sorry." "I'm sure I heard scratching noise..." "Please..." "Are you alright?" "No." "And I haven't made the call about the deposit yet." "Kill him." "I'm going to kill him." "Dad, leave it." "Leave it?" "!" "He wrecked the funeral." "It wasn't his fault." "What do you mean it wasn't his fault?" "Your Aunt Sandra is in tatters." "I want him out of hear, this moment." "Is that clear?" "Tell me you will have nothing to do with that ridiculous man, ever again." "I'm sorry." "No, I can't do that." "Why not?" "Because we're moving in together." "God." "Have you completely lost your senses?" "He's not actually like this." "He took some drugs and and made him act like this." "Drugs?" "What drugs?" "He took some Valium and had a bad reaction." "Valium?" "Yes." "That's it." "We'll talk about this later." "Simon?" "Martha..." "Okay..." "Come and sit down." "Alright Janet." "I appreciate that." "Are you alright mate?" "That was awful, wasn't it?" "He fell in front of your mom like a dead trout..." "Howard, please..." "Yeah sorry." "It's just you never know when it's gonna happen to you." "Like me." "I've got this weird patch of skin" "I've had that a couple of weeks with no idea what it is..." "Why not show it to my Uncle Victor?" "He's a doctor." "Good idea." "I swear I saw it moving." "I swear I saw it moving." "No one else saw it?" "I swear I saw it moving." "I must be going mad." "My hands are so big!" "Simon. listen to me." "I need to tell you something." "You know I gave you some Valium earlier?" "Yes." "Well it turns out it wasn't actually Valium at all." "Can you hear me?" "Hello?" "You think we can start now?" "I believe yes." "How do you feel, Sandra?" "Hello doctor." "I've had this skin discoloration for a couple of weeks now..." "It's not going anywhere." "I know it's just a small patch but it's weird." "It does look weird, doesn't it?" "Victor, I'm going back now." "You should probably go see a dermatologist." "What do you think it is?" "It looks like some kind of pigment mutation." "Pigment mutation?" "Probably some allergic reaction to shellfish, nuts." "What kind of nuts?" "Don't know." "Peanuts, almonds..." "Excuse me." "Do you see now?" "Yes?" "It's hallucinogenic" "My advice is to relax and just go with the flow." "Try and enjoy it." "You!" "Simon!" "How long does it last?" "I don't know." "Simon!" "Around 8 hours?" "8 hours of this?" "Simon let go." "You!" "Simon?" "Let me go." "I'm going to be sick." "Simon, get back." "Simon." "A word with you Martha..." "I'm sorry, excuse me..." "Oh God, he's gonna be sick!" "Is it okay in there?" "Simon are you okay?" "Simon." "Simon, let me in." "Simon." "Martha?" "Did you happen to see a pill bottle?" "Shit" "Simon?" "Right!" "Keep it together!" "Keep it together..." "You can do this." "You're Simon Smith." "You're a solicitor." "8 hours..." "No problem." "8 hours is at..." "Where's my watch?" "It's already been..." "Simon, open the door." "7 hours to go." "God, Jesus!" "Fuck!" "Fuck." "It's nothing to worry about." "Jesus!" "Fuck!" "Grief does strange things to people doesn't it?" "Yeah." "If you remember, I have something to talk to you about." "Oh yes, yes." "Is there some place quiet we can go?" "Sure." "Are you writing a book?" "Yes." "Like your brother." "Well yes, but I write different." "He's a great writer isn't he?" "Yes, he is." "Anyway..." "Yes, actually I have some photos I wanted to show you." "Okay." " May I?" " Sure" "We became quite close your father and I the last few months." "Ended up spending quite a lot of time together." "Right." "Here's me and your father at Ridgens Park." "Ah, yes" "And here we are on top of those London buses" "Terrible picture of me." "Where did you and my dad meet?" "Just around." "Simon." "Are you alright?" "Yes, yes..." "Keep on coming, you and join the others." "Join the others and..." "Here we are at a fancy costume party in Kensington." "That's your dad dressed up as a Roman Centurion." "In what capacity were you actually friends with my dad?" "I mean no offense but he never mentioned you to me and you have all these pictures with him as if you were..." ""Screen Goddesses"" "Oh God." "Oh my God!" "I know this might come as quite a shock to you" "I'm sure he would have told you himself but he wasn't sure how you'd react." "My mother knows of this?" "No." "And there's no reason she should find out." "As long as I get what's owed to me." "What?" "Well, I think I deserve something." "Your father and I were lovers." "He left me absolutely nothing in his will." "How do you think that makes me feel?" "I'll tell you how it makes me feel." "Cheap." "Like a cheap slut." "Don't you think I deserve something?" "What do you want?" "Well I think 15,000 pounds should do it." "15,000 pounds?" "I'm supposed to be buying a flat." "Well that's up to you." "Wait a minute..." "You think you can come in here and show me pictures of you and my dad on a bus, and that counts as proof?" "That's no fucking proof." "What's that?" "Jesus" "Now, I don't want to." "But I'll go out there and I'll show these photos to every single person." "Do you really want me to do that?" "You wait here." "Wait here." "Daniel." "I was telling George here how when we were boys, your dad loved to makes us go naked to take a bath." "Simon, open the door." "Anything I can do to help?" "Not really." "Thanks." "Everything under control?" "Simon?" "So what are you doing next weekend?" "I've got a couple of tickets and backstage passes..." "Look Justin." "I've got a lot on my plate right now and I can't deal with your shit." "Can you please just go away?" "Please." "Simon?" "Can I talk to you?" "Not now." "It's important." "It's okay." "Excuse us." "What are you doing?" "Remember the little guy from before that we didn't know the short guy." "Yeah." "I was just being with him in the study." "And?" "He showed me these pictures." "Yeah." " Of him and Dad." " Right." "Of him and Dad together." "Right." "Him and Dad together at parties in Kensington..." "Is this going anywhere?" "'Cause..." "He was shacking Dad." "Fuck off." "You shitting me?" "I'm not shitting you." "I'm telling you." "He showed me the pictures." "I feel sick." "What are you saying?" "Dad was a gay?" "That's what I'm saying." "And he was cheating on Mom?" "Evidently." "With that little..." "Yes." "I know it's a bombshell but the concern right now is that he wants money." "What do you mean?" "He wants money." "He wants 15,000 pounds." "Tell him to go fuck himself." "Don't you understand?" "He's got the pictures." "If we don't give him the money he's gonna tell everybody here the most intimate details of their sex life." "Well I don't want to hear those intimate details." "Exactly." "What 're we gonna do?" "Shit." "Think then." "Well okay, alright..." "What a fucking waste of time." "I don't know why I even bothered." "I dressed up and everything..." "And she's more interested in that idiot than she's in me." "I tell you, this world is severely fucked." "Sounds serious." "Doesn't it?" " What?" " Pigment mutation." "Can you taste this?" "I think it has almonds in it." "Yeah?" "So, Daniel's uncle said I'm allergic to almonds." "Don't eat it then." "Be a friend." "Taste it." "Tell me what you think." "No." "Come on taste it." "I won't." "Come on, please." "Can't you just do me a favor?" "Will you please fuck off." "Have you seen a pill bottle lying around?" "It looked like a Valium bottle." "No." "Shit." "It won't be long now." "Shall we go inside?" "In a minute." "Doctor, could you..." "Hello" "I'm sorry about..." "Thank you." "It must me terrible losing a husband." "You're still so young." "Are you gonna get married again?" "It's not an easy thing to say, is it?" "It's just terrible isn't it?" "People die..." "How awful is that?" "There was a guy that I know someone stabbed him to death because he called his mother "moose"." "And the guy just stabbed him right in the neck." "He cut a major artery." "And you want believe how much blood... was bursting absolutely everywhere..." "And the ridiculous thing is that the guy who did it told the police later, he didn't even know what "moose" was." "The cake has almonds in it?" "It's alright." "Doesn't matter." "Excuse me." "Nice talking to you." "Let me rephrase the question." "What do you mean it's best that I pay the money?" "Well you've been living off Mom and Dad." "You must have some money left." "I haven't been..." "I paid for this entire funeral Robert." "Wait a second." "How do you know this guy isn't bullshitting you?" "God!" "Simon?" "Simon?" "Simon?" "Simon?" "Simon?" "Simon?" "Simon!" "Si?" "...mon!" "I think we're just about ready to resume the ceremony..." "Would you mind giving us five minutes?" " Of course." " Thanks." "What's going on?" "I'm really sorry but I think our moving out plans will have to be put on hold." "Just for a little while." "What do you mean?" "Why?" "I don't have time to explain right now." "I wouldn't do this unless I really had to." "What's the reason?" "I can't explain right now, okay?" "So you're the blackmailing prick." "What're you doing with that?" "It's my manuscript." "It's not to be read by anyone." "You shouldn't leave it lying around, Daniel if you don't want people to read it." "This is my office." "Guys!" "Can we just get to the point?" "Fine by me." "I'll write you this check and that's the end of it." "Yes?" "You give us the photos and you stay out of our lives for ever." " Yeah?" " That's the deal." "Is that your first attempt?" "What?" "That's your first novel isn't it?" "Yeah." "So?" "So, nothing." "I tried to write once." "It didn't work for me." "I think it's like a gift." "You either have it or you don't." "It must be hard for you though, Daniel living up to your brother's reputation." "Always living in the shadow of a sibling like that." "By the way I read your latest novel." "Really good stuff." "Thanks." "Alright." "That's it." "Daniel, what the hell are you doing?" "There's no way I'm giving this ass a penny of my money." "Don't be ridiculous." "Why should I?" "He comes in here in the day of our father's fuberal he tries to blackmail us and bad mouths my novel." "Who does he think he is?" "He has the photos." "Let him show the photos." "I don't care." "Daniel." "No Robert." "I give up, okay?" "I give up." "I can't take anymore." "If that's what he's going to do, fine, let him do it." "No problem." "What?" "Wait, wait..." "Please, get out of my way." "Let's discuss this a minute." "There's nothing to discuss." "Get out of my way." "Get up and help, Daniel!" "What are you doing Robert?" "Get a rope or something!" "We don't have any rope." "Get something..." "There, from the curtain." "Take it." "Tie his legs." "Jesus Robert." "This is a really bad idea." "Fucking men." "Tell me about it." "Daniel, get that tie." "Why?" "Just get it." "What are we gonna do with it?" " Do whatever" " But I don't know." "Stuff it in his mouth." "This is ridiculous." "Daniel?" "Jesus." "Shut the door!" "Why?" "What's going on?" "Who's that?" "It's a seizure." "God...really?" "I just found some Valium." "Bring them here." "How many?" "I don't know." "A handful." "Really?" "Okay." "Wait, you dropped one." "Open his mouth." "Okay." "It will be alright." "Have you seen a little bottle?" "Jesus, Howard I told you to lock the fucking door." "You said to shut the fucking door." "What's going on?" "Oh, he's having a seizure." "Seizure?" "Why is he all tied up?" "Hello." "He's blackmailing you?" "Over what?" "It doesn't matter now." "What do you mean it doesn't matter?" "It's personal." "Why?" "He said it's personal." "But why?" "Just trust us." "This is not a good guy." "So, what are we gonna do with him?" " What're we gonna do?" " I don't know." "What do you mean you don't know?" "Shut up Daniel." "I've had enough." "How long is the Valium gonna last?" "What is it?" " Valium?" " Yeah." "Yeah, I found those Valium." "We gave him a few to calm him down." "Thank you." "Shit." "What is it?" "What's wrong?" "Fuck!" "What?" "Thing is it's not really Valium." "It's mostly acid." "What?" "!" "Simon took one by mistake, that's why he's acting like this." "And what are you doing with this?" "They're for a friend." "Wait a minute." "You're telling us that.." "Martha's boyfriend who knocked over Dad's coffin had just one of these things." "And you gave him how many?" "Five." "You can't blame me for this." "Poor bastard." "We should call an ambulance." "Can't do that." "You'll be screwed." "They're gonna find out he's been force-fed hard drugs." "What's gonna happen?" "Is he gonna die?" "No." "That is, I don't think so." "Daniel?" "Robert?" "We'll be out in a minute, Mom." "We need to go outside." "You two stay here and look after him." "Look after him?" "What do you mean?" "What're we supposed to do?" "Make sure he doesn't escape." "Lock the door behind us." "Hi Mom." "How's it going?" "Reverend Davis needs to speak to you." "Can we resume the service now?" "I need to leave by 3." "Yes, that's great." "But we need to have a chat." "So can we take five more minutes?" " Of course." " Is there a problem?" "Jesus." "Why didn't you just pay him the fucking money?" "Where's my tea?" "What's your problem?" "Women." "Women, women..." "Let me tell you something about women." "When I was a young man I use to go out with the most beautiful woman in the village." "She'd walk into the room and everyone's eyes would turn." "Everyone wanted to fuck her." "And of course she liked the attention..." "I have to take a shit." "I can't believe you gave him five pills." "Who can we blame for this?" "Even if it was Valium, you should never give him five." "Don't you know anything?" "No, I don't know about giving pills." "Hello?" "Yes?" "I need the toilet." "Could you use the one upstairs?" "I'm on a wheelchair you fucking idiot." "How am I supposed to get upstairs?" "Open the door." "Wait a minute." "God." "What do we do?" "Put him behind the couch." "We're looking for the key." "Hurry." "Shut up!" "Hurry up!" "Coming." "Hello." "What the hell is wrong with you people?" "I'm about to shit in my trousers." "Come on." "Justin, what is it now?" "Just want to talk to you." "Please don't make me go through this again." "What are you so afraid of, Martha?" "I know you feel the same way." "You can't fight what we had together." "Justin, it was one night, it was a massive mistake." "I was drunk and out of my mind." "It could have been a donkey." "What's he got that I don't have?" "Okay." "For one thing, he's responsible he's thoughtful, he's intelligent he's stable..." "Is that enough for you?" "Stop acting as if this is all my fault." "I'm not the one who attacked the guy and tied him up." "Someone had to look out for Mom." "I've been looking out for Mom since you dissapeared and went to New York to fool around with your celebrity friends." "You're really unbelievable." "You can't get over it, can you?" "Get over what?" "You're burning with jealousy because you spend three years working on a novel and you won't even let anyone see it." "And why should I?" "What will you do?" "Wait until you're dead?" "And hope that it gets published?" "You just write common crap." "It's not crap." "You're a hypocrite." "And you're the most selfish..." "Daniel, what's going on?" "This is your father's funeral." "Not now, Jane." "Why are you acting like this?" "Jane, not now..." "It's about the flat isn't it?" "What?" "Because you don't want to go do you?" "Jane..." "Tell her Daniel." "Tell me what?" "Jane, do you remember that short man, that I pointed at earlier?" " You remember?" " Yes." "It turns out, he had an affair with Dad." "And now he's blackmailing us into giving him 15,000 pounds or else he's going to show the pictures where they're doing...stuff." " Sex stuff." " Yeah." "Is this some short of a sick joke?" "Of course it's not a sick joke." "Your father was gay?" " Hurry up." " I am..." "Hurry up." "I'm going to go!" "Hurry up!" " Quick." " Give me that." "Lift me." "Help me." "I am." "Put your arms around me." "Lift me." "Christ!" "You weigh a ton." " You got me?" " Yes I've got you." "Sure I got you." "Quickly!" "Alright." "I'm trying to see where the toilet is." "Get my trousers down." "Shit..." "No, you do it." "I'll hold you." "How can I do it?" "I'm handicapped." "Get it down!" "Fuck" " Hurry up" " I am" "Alright, do it." "Underpants, underpants..." "Move it, come on." "Quick, quick..." "I have to go..." "I have to go... it's down." "Everything is down!" " Over there?" " I don't know." "Over there?" "Yes." " Are you sure?" " Yes sit down!" " Sure?" " Sit down!" "Sit down!" "Wait!" "Wait a moment!" "Oh, that's better." "God." "God!" "What's with all the noise?" "Oh God!" "Howard?" "Howard?" "Please." "Clean up!" "Howard?" "What?" "You missed a bit." "The shit in your mouth will be the least to worry about if we get caught." "I've got shit in my mouth?" "Check him." "Touch him." "Are you alright mate?" "try again." "Mate?" "Mate?" "Wake him up." "Mate." "What's his name?" "I don't know." "try Philip." "Philip?" "Philip?" "Wake up mate." "Are you okay?" "Shit." "Philip?" "He might not be a Philip." "Maybe something else." "Pinch him." "Please." "Pinch him." "Mate?" "I think he's breathing." "What?" "He must be breathing." "Shit." " Is he okay?" " No." "He's dead." "If that's the way it is, we have to give him the money." "It's not that simple." "Why not?" "Daniel refused to pay, so we're completely fucked." "Just shut up." "Sorry." "Hi, sorry, may I come through?" "Just getting through." "Thank you." "Why are you smiling like that Howard?" "I wonder if I could ask you too..." "We'll be back soon." "Alright." "It's Howard." "Jesus." "What is this?" "It's..." "Call Uncle Victor." "No point." "What do you mean?" "Look at him." "He's stone dead." "What the hell did you do to him?" "!" "We didn't do anything." "He hit his head on the corner." "Hit his head on the corner?" "He hit his head." "That's what happened." "Why?" "What do you think?" "This is really bad." "This is really, really bad." "What're we gonna do?" "Actually, I really got to go." "You're not going anywhere." "I can't go to prison." "You have any idea what they do to blokes like me in prison?" "I can't go to prison" "Howard." "Just calm down." "Now..." "Nobody here knows, who this guy is right?" "They don't even know his name." "Probably didn't even notice him." "Didn't notice him?" "He's four fucking feet tall." "Alright." "We'll just get rid of the body as if he came and left." "Get rid of the body?" "What are you talking about?" "What do we know about getting rid of bodies?" "What are you gonna do." "Will you throw him out in the rubbish?" "Any of you happened to notice the size of Uncle Eddie's coffin?" "Are you suggesting that we bury him with my father?" "Why not?" "it's not like he's gonna know, is he?" "That's not the point." "it makes sense Daniel." "The coffin is there, the hole in the ground is there they go, and that's all." "End of story." "Unless you got a better suggestion." "I mean, come on look you got to do whatever it is in life ...that get you up the most." "Yeah." "But maybe I don't consider my life anymore as being me,me,me maybe I've discovered something out of myself that I care about." "And maybe you should do it too, Justin." "That's a bit harsh, 'cause I really care about you." "No Justin." "You care about you." "You care about me in relation to how I affect you." "There's a difference." "No." "That's not true." "Martha." "I love you Martha." "No Justin, you don't..." "Jesus fucking Christ!" "Simon!" "Simon." "Simon?" "Simon what the hell are you doing?" "Come back here and put your clothes on, this instant!" "I show you kissing him." "I wasn't kissing him." "I promise you." "What're you doing?" "We're in a bloody funeral." "I'll jump." " Don't be silly." " I'll jump right now!" "I swear to you." "Simon don't be like this." "Do you remember?" "Drugs." "You got drugs in you." "Just calm down." "Simon, look at me." "Justin, will you get the fuck out of here?" "!" "I'm going to do it" "I will jump" " Simon look at me!" " I swear I am" "Please calm down." " Simon, please." " I'm gonna jump!" "I'm going to jump..." "I'm going to jump..." "This is impossible we cannot do it." "Howard?" "Is that you?" "Shit" "Are you in there?" "Yeah." "Hurry get him in the bathroom." "Howard?" " Oh shit" " What's that?" "Howard, what the fuck is Uncle Alfie doing on the toilet?" "I forgot him." "How could you forget?" "What's wrong with you?" "Open the door" "What is it?" "Hi, Daniel." "Where's Howard?" "I'm here." "Howard, come see this." "Simon's totally fucking lost it." " What's going on?" " Nothing." "Simon is on the roof." "He's totally fucking naked." "He's threatening to jump." "Jesus." "Where are you going?" "I have to go out there." "If he jumps, I'm fucked." "Wait here." "Simon, you're not going to jump." "I'll jump." "I'm not listening to you." "Simon, get back in here." "Simon come inside and we'll have a cop of tea." "No." "Simon." "Simon!" "Simon." "Martha." "What the hell are you doing?" "Simon." "Martha!" "Get down from there." "What's happening?" "I think I can get rid of this guy but I need you to stay outside and make sure no one comes in." "Okay." "Martha." "Who is it?" "It's Daniel" "Everyone's in the garden, we have to move the body now." "Brilliant." "Okay." "Quick." "Howard." "Stay here and make sure no one comes in." "Okay." "Hello Reverend." "How are you?" "How is God doing...today?" "God is a funny one, isn't he?" "Excuse me." "Yeah, okay" "Daniel, we have to do this, right?" "Yeah." "I wanted to ask you about religion and how could I become a priest if I wanted to because I've seen you today, and you're amazing." "I'm glad to hear that." "God, we can't leave them like that." "You know, in a strange way, maybe this is what Dad wanted." "For God's sake Robert." "Can't you take anything seriously?" "Sundays, is it true the wine is sweeter or not?" "Listen, we'll deal with this later." "I'd like to get to the phone." "Why do you say I can't take anything seriously?" "I'll tell you why." "Because you disappear half way around the world and you hardly ever come back to see your parents." "Because you spend the last of your money on a 1st class ticket when you know you're supposed to give me the half for the funeral." "Because you live your life as if you're on a fairground and 'cause you never ever, gave a shit about anyone but yourself." "I didn't know anything about this disturbed young man on the roof." "I have a confession to make." "I have these thoughts about sticking a pen up my bum." "You're what?" "Simon, this is really dangerous." "Please." "Leave me alone." "Sit there." "I'll never be good enough." "Not for your dad, not for you I'll never be rich enough I'll never be cool enough." "Simon, stop talking this nonsense and just come inside." "No, you go inside." "Come with me." "No." "Why?" "'Cause we're gonna have a baby." "What?" "We'll have a child together." "You're pregnant?" "How would I be able to it without you?" " What's that?" "Excuse me." " I don't know..." "Now look..." "Bye Dad." "We're gonna have a baby!" "Jesus." "Listen to me everyone." "Simon is off the roof." "I will kill him." "is he gone?" "Yeah." "Thank God." "Thank you." "Martha!" "Martha, open the door." "Thank God, you're safe." "You idiot." "What were you thinking?" "!" "I want you to stay away from my daughter." "Look Dad..." "Martha, stay out of this." "Dad, we're getting married." "What?" "We're getting married." "Martha." "You don't have to marry this man just because you're pregnant." "We can deal with this Martha." "I'm marrying him because I love him." " You can't" " Yes, I can." "It's my life and this is my choice." "And I'm sorry if you don't like it but that's just tough." "And I will tell you something else." "If you don't short out your attitude you're gonna end up a very lonely bitter old man." "Dad." "Darling, we really must start again now." "Daniel, have you seen Uncle Alfie?" "Shit" "What the hell is going on in there?" "Sorry we forgot you." "Never mind that." "What about that dead body, you were dragging over there?" "What dead body?" "Don't fuck with me." "I saw a dead body!" "Get me the hell of this fucking toilet!" "Did you hear that?" "She's having a kid." "I would have done it, if I didn't know she was having a kid." "I thought you were in love with her." "Yeah, but can you imagine me bringing up a kid?" "No." "Exactly." "How's your skin thing?" "Oh, that..." "It's probably nothing." "To be honest, I'm more concerned about ...about having Uncle Alfie's shit in my mouth." "He was dead." "Why don't you listen, I tell you, I saw the guy." "He was dead." "I know you did Uncle Alfie." "We all did." "No, in the bathroom." "The door opened and I saw him." "What a nightmare today's been." "But exciting, isn't it?" " What?" " For a funeral I mean." "About the flat, I promised to call them." "And I will." "We'll work it out." "We really have to wheeze through this now." "Alright." "Let's go." "You want to have the casket open for people..." "No." "Alright." "That's fine." "Sit down everybody, as quick as you can." "We're ready to go." "Come along." "Come on." "That's it." "Quickly!" "Come on, come on..." "Come on!" "Come on!" "Come on!" "I'd like to apologise on behalf of the family for all of the distractions and that everyone is ready to continue with the service and Daniel would like to say a few words about his father." "Go on Daniel." "Quickly." "My father was an exceptional man." "My father was an exceptional man." "He was born in 1938 just a year before the war." "And I'll never forget..." "What the hell is going on?" "There's someone in there." "I knew it!" "What the hell are you doing in my dad's coffin?" "Edward." "No, no..." "Edward." "Edward!" "No." "You little bastard!" "Oh God." "My father was an exceptional man." "He may not have been a perfect man." "But he was a good man." "And he loved us." "All I wanted to do today was to give him a dignified sending." "Is that really so much to ask?" "So..." "Maybe..." "Maybe he had some things he liked to do." "Life isn't simple." "It's complicated." "We're all just thrown in here together in a world full of chaos and confusion." "A world full of questions and no answers." "With Death always lingering around the corner." "And we do our best." "We can't always do our best." "My dad did it best." "He always tried to tell me you have to go for what you want in life because you never know how long you're gonna be here." "And whether you succeed or you fail the most important thing is to have tried." "A parent can only drive you in the right direction." "In the end though you've got to run for yourself." "You have to grow up yourself." "So when you leave here today I'd like you to remember my father for what he really was." "A decent and loving man." "If only we could be as giving and generous.." "...and understanding as my father was." "Then the world would be a far better place." "How's Mom?" "She'll survive." "The positive side is that she knows why she and Dad haven't had sex for so long." "I asked to come to New York with me, for a while." "So that you and Jane have a chance..." "to breathe a bit." "Get a flat..." "Pretty good speech you gave, by the way." "It was really impressive." "Thanks." "Maybe when you got time you wouldn't mind taking a look at my novel." "I'd love to, yeah." "I'm exhausted actually." "Uncle Alfie keeps going on about the body in the bathroom." "It's best if he stays here tonight." "You think he'll be okay?" "Yeah, he'll be fine." "I found him a couple of Valium and put him to bed." "Everything's so fucking green..."