"Previously on Boston Legal." "Robbery isn't as bad as killing a man." "And you got me off on that." "There are two "get out of jail free" cards in the game, and you've used them both." "Say hello to Grandpa." " Hi, Paw-Paw." " [ Laughing ] Hi!" "Hello, sweetheart." "Rachel is using again." "I've decided to do an intervention." " And Fiona?" " I'll assume custody until Rachel is well." "We always said what a mistake it was for us to get married." "Maybe the blunder was splitting up." "You are getting married and you're kissing another woman." "Not just any woman." "I promise." "As a concession for keeping the cottage in Cape May... you're willing to give up the house in Great Barrington." "And the antique pewter valued at over $70,000." "Considerable gesture of goodwill on your part." "However, there's something that Natalie's determined to get her hands on... and I simply can't permit it-- my Victorian erotica collection." "Vict--What?" "Victorian erotica." "Much like today, the late 1800s were a socially conservative time." " During repressive eras" " Pornography thrives." "We prefer "erotica."" "She's in possession of my premier collection... of Victorian erotica in the Western Hemisphere." "I intend for it to be my legacy to the world." "Um,just so I'm clear here, we're talking about literature, photos" " And machinery." " Machinery?" "The Victorian era was the height of the industrial age." "Whenever new technology arrives, its first use is erotica." "Much like the Internet" " And Internet porn." " Erotica." "No, that stuff's just porn." "Um, Clifford, was any of this erotica acquired during your marriage?" "Mmm." "All of it, actually." "Well, then legally, Natalie is entitled to a significant portion of the collection." "Shirley, my family's money and affairs... has been connected to this firm since you opened your doors." "I want my collection." " You'll never get it, Clifford." " And you must be Natalie." " Shirl." " Ivan?" " [ Funk ] - [ Man Vocalizing ]" "[ Continues ]" "[ Continues ]" "[ Ends ]" "You don't normally practice family law." "What are you doing on a divorce case?" "Professor Cabot's estate has strong ties to the firm." "He wanted me." " And you?" " I wanted you." "As a matter of full disclosure, Mr. Tiggs and I were once married many years ago... and could conceivably present a conflict of interest." "Either one or both of you would be advised to request change of counsel." "I'm not giving up my attorney." "Mm-mmm." "No takers?" "Great." "Shall we?" "You don't want to tear apart a collection." "That's why it's called a collection." "If you spent a little less time with the collection, we might not be here dividing it up now." "Before you met me, you'd never even heard of the Lusty Turk." "If not for me, Two Circus Virgins would be hanging over someone else's fireplace!" "Natalie, Clifford, if neither of you can budge on this... then we will end up in court and a judge will decide your collection's future." "Fine." "Why don't we take a break and come up with a better resolution tomorrow." " That's fine." " I'll be right down." " Call you." " Okay." "[ Chuckles ]" "I thought they'd never leave." "So how is the missus, Missy?" " [ Laughs ]" " The honeymoon was exceptional." "Guadalupe?" "An atrociously dull island." "Nothing to do but have sex all day and night." " By the way, Shirley, I'm having an affair." " [ Chuckles ]" "Ivan, you do not disappoint." " You've been married four weeks." " Seemed like five." " And who are you having the affair with?" " You." "Well, so far it hasn't been very good for me." "I'm not sure if you follow the morning network news shows... but I caught a couple on the island and, according to the experts... one doesn't have to actually have a physical relationship to be considered a cheater." " No kidding?" " No kidding." "If our friendship" "Let's just call it that-- is deeper than my primary relationship... then, technically, I'm emotionally cheating on my wife." "That's what Katie and Matt say, and they both have such trusting faces." "Besides humor you, what can I do?" "Admit you're having an emotional affair with me... consider making it physical since, after all, we're already halfway there... and let's call it a day." "I have a better idea." "And I'm sure it's something Katie and Matt came up with as well." "Go home to your wife, Ivan." "Are you breaking up with me?" "Go home to your wife." "Shirley, you know I don't play fair." "That's one of the many reasons you love me." "Did you pack myJean Naté?" "Yes, I packed yourJean Naté." "What about my nighttime eye patches?" "I can't sleep without my nighttime eye patches." " Evening, Adele." " Step on it!" "No, no." " Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." " Wait." "Mrs. Piper, I have warned you before about this." "You leave me no other choice." "Call Boston P.D. I want her arrested for kidnapping." "Oh, before you do that, dear... could you do one thing?" "What?" "Call Alan Shore." "He's in the book." " Why did you try to kidnap this woman?" " She wasn't kidnapping me." "She was helping me escape." "[ Scoffs ] Oh, come on." "Alan, a crime is being committed here." "Adele is being held prisoner." "Go on." "Adele's been in the hospital suffering from depression." "Her son died recently and it really devastated her." "Last week they took her out of the hospital... and they brought her here to this so-called assisted-living center." "They put her on antidepressants." "She started feeling better, and she asked when she could go home." "That's when she found out the court had assigned a conservator to be in charge of her estate." "Donald Wharton, a man she'd never even heard of." "He has my power of attorney... he has control of my bank accounts, of my property... he's selling off my assets... and he is spending all my money without my permission." "Adele, do you have any family?" "Not since my son passed away." "Catherine, if you knew this injustice was being done to Adele... why didn't you simply call me before you attempted to kidnap her?" "Well, dear, you'd helped me out on those two convenience store robberies... not to mention the murder." "I didn't want to think I was becoming a bother." "So, one has only to fill out a few forms and is then fully licensed by the state?" "It's that easy." "Now, many conservators are perfectly qualified." " But the lesser ones are akin to the jackal." " [ Oven Beeps ]" "They sniff around hospital corridors... hunting for senior citizens with no family ties." "When they corner one, the conservator goes before a judge with an emergency motion." "Thejudge, overburdened with caseloads... quickly grants them a power of attorney... and suddenly they sink their teeth into that senior's life." "They seize their assets, strip away all their decision-making powers... then run up charges, feeding off the estates... until the bones have been picked clean." "Wow." "Aren't people grand?" "Alan, what are you eating?" "Jamaican ackee." "Tastes like scrambled eggs if you cook it." "No, thanks." "How do you want to proceed with Adele's conservator?" "Mr. Wharton?" "A visit to his den would be a good start." "Oh, why not?" "Avoid the pink parts." "They've been known to cause vomiting or death." "[ Shirley ] The first thing we should talk about is Paul Lewiston." " Let's wait until he gets here." " Well, that's the point." "He's not getting here." "His schedule's been a bit shaky since he's taken custody of his granddaughter." " Granddaughter?" " Fiona." "His daughter Rachel's" " Oh, right, right, right." "The druggie." " She's not a druggie." "She has an addiction for which she's receiving treatment." "We don't need Paul." "I'll take care of this." "What's on his plate?" "Uh, to start with, Paul has final interviews for summer associate candidates." "Boring." "Next." "It's almost the first of the month." " Someone needs to meet with the building manager." " I'll take that." " And Sam Wolfson wanted some time this week." " Oh!" "Sam and I go way back." "I'll cover Sam." "Well, folks, there you are." "You see?" "Problem solved." "Denny Crane." "Hands-on management." " Where's Paul?" " Oh, dear God." "My absence at this morning's partnership meeting was unavoidable." " I had to take Fiona to the pediatrician." " Perfectly understandable." "We're just curious when you'll be returning to work full-time." "Shirley, I have recently become the single parent... to a three-year-old child who has no one but me to depend on." " Paul, I know it's hard." " No, it's not about being hard." "It's that my priorities are different now." "And suddenly, this firm doesn't seem so important." "Denny Crane, master of the house." " Hello, Denny." "How are things?" " Couldn't be better." "Paul, I heard about your druggie daughter." "I've got things under control." "Why don't you take the time you need." "Thank you." "I intend to." "Shirley." " "Druggie daughter"?" " What?" "We covered the increased security at the front desk... and you're going to repair the water damage on the 14th floor." "Da." "I take care of Friday, if good." "Very good." "That went smoothly." "So I guess I'll see you next month?" "So?" " I'm forgetting something." " Yeah." "Right." "Here's the thing." "I don't know what it is I'm forgetting." "Envelope." " Are you asking me for a bribe?" " No!" "No, no, no, no." "Cretins." "So, are you gonna tell me?" "Yes." "You're zipped." "That's not what I meant." " Denny, do you mind?" " Shirley, you're my girl." "I rarely look at people's faces other than my own." "But your pallor is telling me something." "Man trouble?" "It's Ivan." "He won't stop until he gets what he wants." "Right now what he wants is me, and for once I don't trust myself with him." "So, why not have an affair with him and get it over with?" "And what about his sweet young wife?" " Not to mention my own morals." " [ Chuckles ] Morals." "Invented by the power elite to keep the hoi polloi from enjoying themselves." "As for the wife, either she won't find out and you'll be fine... or she will and she'll learn." "If he's gonna have an affair with someone, why not be part of the fun?" "Maybe you should write fortune cookies." "And maybe you... should fantasize about him with someone else." "Good-bye, Denny." "Was that too subtle?" "I meant me." "[ Crash ]" "Wait out here, Adele." "I'll just be a minute." "Catherine!" "To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?" " I heard you were going to see Wharton today." " I'm on my way." "I just want to warn you, don't be fooled by his silly, cherubic face." "He fools judges, hospital administrators, anyone he needs to... so he can get his hands on folk like Adele and her pocketbook." " He's a bad man, Alan." " I'm hardly ever fooled." "Oh, come on.!" "The first time you met me..." "I'm sure you had no idea I'd be capable of killing a man with a frying pan." "Catherine, when I met you, I was sure you could accomplish anything you set your mind to... and you've yet to disappoint." "Just so you know, I've asked Jesus not to forgive him." "I think Adele has a very good friend." "Adele and I are old." "If we don't stick up for each other, who will?" "Hello, Adele." "Clifford, regarding the collection... when one is faced with a daunting loss... one tries to hold tightly to something tangible." "As your attorney and as someone who's been there... divorce can play some very nasty tricks on your psyche." "So you're asking, is it conceivable I can't let Natalie go?" "I'm putting it out there as a possibility." "Given the fact she'd rather spend more time... chairing the women's studies department than be with me... and that she's the one that asked for the divorce?" "Something like that." "The answer is still no." "Shirley, this is my vision." "It's not just some collection of smut." "It's an actual window into our history... a look at how we perceive ourselves and our society... through a lens of our most primary urges." "I even had this artist's rendering done for a museum I'd like to start." ""Professor Clifford Cabot's Cabinet of Sexual Curiosities."" "That's just to get them in the door." "I'm beginning to get the idea, and I think a judge might as well." "However, I still feel if you don't give a little... you'll stand to lose a lot." "Sorry about the mess." "It's been busy lately." " [ TV.Indistinct ]" " I can imagine." "Oh, look, Denise!" "When's the last time you saw a TV tray?" "Suddenly I feel like watching Bonanza." " So,you wanted to talk about Adele?" " Yes." "Adele tells us that you have moved her into an assisted-living facility... and are selling off her assets." "Well, it's the only way to pay for the place." "They're so damn expensive." "Someone should look into that." "An alternative would be to take her out of the facility and move her back home." "Just a thought." " Oh." "I know Adele does not want to be there." "She's fighting me on that one." "Hmm." "Mr. Wharton, we've met with Adele." "And while she may have had trouble when she first arrived at the hospital... she's since recovered and is ready to move on with her life." "And as her attorneys, we'd like to help you move on with certain things as well." "We've gotten rid of the court nonsense-- notary publics, standing in line at the post office." "You have only to sign this release... and we will relieve you of one of the burdens of your already overburdened workload." " She got to you, didn't she?" " I beg your pardon." "Adele-- she's very good with strangers." "Adele has clinical depression." "You probably saw her on a good day." "She has bouts of forgetfulness, poor judgment, difficulty concentrating." "If I were to let her go, as an appointee of the court... and more importantly, as one of the only people who cares about her..." "I would be completely remiss." "Mr. Wharton, what color are Adele's eyes?" "Uh... blue." "They're brown." "What was her son's name?" "Jonathan." "Mr. Wharton, as someone who cares about Adele... and is supposed to be caring for Adele... you seem to be very forgetful yourself." "Please don't forget your court date." "[ Sighs ] Denny?" " [ Inhales, Exhales ]" " You're panting." " Yes." " Because of me?" " Because of you." " Lock the door." "Because of you, Paul didn't keep his meeting with the building manager... and Brad stiffed him." "Now we don't have elevator service before 7:00 a.m. I had to walk up 14 flights of stairs." " Didn't you?" " I climb the stairs every morning." "The elevator's for Democrats." "Lock the door." "My nipple's hard." "While I appreciate the update on your vestigial teat... you're not horny, you're freezing." "The heat doesn't go on before 7:00 a.m.... because Paul didn't keep his special agreement with the building." "You're not gonna lock the door, are you?" "Denny, you've gotta convince Paul to stay." "Me?" "Never happen." "The reason you, me, Alan, and the rest of us get to go to court and yell "objection"... and sue people and make witnesses cry is Paul!" "Paul makes the elevators run." "He supervises the associates." "He double-checks the billables." "Well, let me tell you, Shirley, what makes this place run-- money." "And I bring it in." "You bring it in, Denny." "But Paul puts it to work." "Shirley, a supermarket doesn't close 'cause the cashier quit." "Yes, it does, Denny." "Otherwise people would just walk out with the food." "Good news." "My client, in the spirit of cooperation... has made what I consider an amicable and generous offer." "Natalie is willing to give up the entire erotica collection-- books, magazines, paintings, photos." "A collection which includes five first-edition copies of The Pearl." " Which I'm guessing is not a biography of Earl Monroe." " Hardly." "The full title is, The Pearl." "AJournal of Facetiae, Voluptuous Reading." "It was first published in London by the Society of Vice in 1879." "The original unbound periodicals are exceedingly rare." "And they alone are worth more than the entire rest of the collection put together." "So we understand what we're talking about, perhaps I could read a passage." " Ivan, that wouldn't-- - "I poured into her ears a tale of burning love." ""Finding that she made no resistance, I pressed her to my bosom." ""I undressed her till she stood in perfect nudity." ""I led her to the bedside, she lay back..." ""I sank to my knees... and then, with eagerness and tenderness, I--"" "Well, you get the idea." "As cheesy as that was, I do." "Well, that being said, Natalie is willing to give up the collection... except for one small item that she currently has in her possession." " Which item?" " Something called the hysteria machine." " The hysteria machine?" " That harridan!" "What the hell is a hysteria machine?" "The premier piece of the entire collection." "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Forget the house." "Forget the pewter." "She wants to play dirty, so be it." "Ivan, we're going to court." "Sounds like a date." "Your Honor, since he became Mrs. Freeman's conservator..." "Mr. Wharton has placed Mrs. Freeman in a convalescent home against her will... has taken control of all her credit cards." "He has charged exorbitant fees to the estate." "To pay her $90 electric bill, he charged the estate $150." "He charged $170 to bring her less than $50 worth of groceries." "Your Honor, these are legitimate expenses." "The truth is, if everyone did theirjob-- helped out with their family, their friends, their neighbors-- it would render my job unnecessary." "But we don't." "We, as a society, don't like to take care of the old and the weak." "It's a difficult, heart-wrenching affair." "Well, I stood up and am doing it." "I have an affidavit from the admitting nurse at the hospital where Adele was first taken." "She says Adele was confused, disoriented... and apparently hadn't eaten in several days." "A state any of us might be in after the death of our last surviving family member." "I have an affidavit from the Cottonwood Assisted Living Home which states..." ""Mrs. Freeman is lucid and rational."" "She's lucid because she's well taken care of." "Mr. Wharton makes a point." "Mrs. Freeman is 83 and has no family." "What if she goes offher medication?" "Suppose she takes a fall?" "Your Honor, if that's a concern, I can arrange for her to live with a friend." "A friend, especially a mature friend... is not the same as a family member or a legal conservator." " Your Honor, I" " I've heard enough from both sides." "I'm assigning a court-appointed psychiatrist to examine you, Mrs. Freeman." "Until I have evidence that you are entirely self-sufficient... you will remain a ward of Mr. Wharton." "We will reconvene in six weeks after the examination." "Six weeks?" "Your Honor, for Mrs. Freeman, that is a lifetime." "And in the court system, it's practically the speed of light." "[ Gavel Raps ]" " We're adjourned." "It was actually used as a medical device." "During the Victorian era, there was an inability or an unwillingness... of society to comprehend female sexual desire." "So this desire was misinterpreted as "an illness."" " It doesn't seem to be working." " It takes a minute or two to get its steam up." "In the meantime, Professor Cabot... could you tell us how the hysteria machine works?" "Women frequently complained of symptoms such as nervousness... uh, heaviness in the abdomen, vaginal lubrication, insomnia and so on." "Doctors referred to these symptoms as hysteria... but of course, they're actually signs of sexual arousal." "Before the invention of this machine, a doctor would, uh, massage a woman... until she reached a climactic paroxysm, as they called it." "I should've listened to my mother." "She always wanted me to be a doctor." "And how did this machine come into being?" "A doctor invented it because, well, his arm got tired." "Ah, the steam is up and it's ready to go." " Oh, my God." "Amazing, isn't it?" "And I haven't even put the attachments on yet, which go right there." "Oh, my God!" "It's the only working one of its kind in the world." "It's unique, it's invaluable and irreplaceable." "Uh, would you shut it off,please?" "[ Steam Hissing ]" "Sorry, Your Honor." "A steam engine doesn't just shut off right away." "Mr. Wharton... unfortunately, what may seem like a small victory... is really just postponing the inevitable." "We will prevail." "And since I know you're anxious to get home and rake your shag carpet... why don't you just let this one go?" "Well, mostly because I'm mad." "And for Adele's sake, I'm willing to stay in this for the long haul." "I'll hire my own high-priced attorneys at $500 an hour." "And you know where that money comes from, don't you?" "Adele's bank account." "That's what it's there for-- to ensure the well-being of my client." "But don't worry." "I'll eventually stop battling you once all the money's run out." "[ Wheezing ]" "Professor Cabot, don't you intend eventually... to donate this collection, including the hysteria machine... to a museum, a place where everyone could... get some pleasure from it?" "Objection, Your Honor." "Leading the witness." "[Judge ] Sustained." "The witness will not answer." "But I got the point anyway." "Please take a seat." "It seems to me... that Professor Clifford Cabot's motivation for wanting the machine... would serve a greater good than your more... localized motivations." "I'm inclined to award the machine to Professor Clifford Cabot." "Bring it and an inventory of the rest of the collection into court this afternoon." "And then I'll decide who gets what." "[ Gavel Raps ]" "Alan, he's selling her house." "That's my living room, my son Jonathan's bedroom... my kitchen, my bathroom." "My house is a "charming three-bedroom with potential."" "What's going on?" "Mr. Wharton is even more rancid than I had imagined." "He's attempting to sell Adele's home." "Apparently, this isn't the first time Mr. Wharton has done this." "According to a title search... he has sold 11 houses belonging to his wards." "And get this-- the house he's living in right now... belonged to another one ofhis wards who happened to pass away in her sleep." " [ Gasps ]" " This man is pure evil." "Alan,you've gotta get that creative brain of yours to work and stop him." "Yes, I do." " Stolen?" " Right out of her car." " Oh, no." " It's all she had." " Please." "This is ludicrous." "Obviously, Mrs. Cabot doesn't want to surrender the hysteria machine... and she's hiding it from her husband for her own personal reasons." " That's a shocking accusation." " You know, you're right." "You don't play fair." "What can I say?" "Your Honor, my client recognizes that the news is causing distress to Professor Cabot... and is therefore willing to pay her half of the appraised value." "Nonsense." "The item in question was in Mrs. Cabot's care and control." "Clearly this machine is a precious item... to him." "I am therefore ordering you pay the full cost of the machine... plus punitive damages I will determine at a later date." "Your Honor, this is unacceptable." "Obviously she still has the machine." "If it turns up, we will address the matter later." "But until such time, this ruling stands." " You lying bitch!" " Don't threaten me!" " You think this is over?" " The judge ruled." " It's not over." " People!" "Clifford, we need to push forward with this." "If the hysteria machine was stolen... you need to take the necessary and appropriate action." "And as co-owner, you will file a police report." "And you will file a claim with your insurance company." "There'll be an investigation." "You'll have to open up your house." "If you give a false statement to the police or, worse these days, the insurance company... you will be charged with fraud and prosecuted to the full extent of the law." "And from my experiences, the D.A.'s office takes these crimes seriously... and often pushes forjail time where you'll be able to do lots of women's studies." " Shirley." " Hmm?" " That's not nice." " Oh." "Are we being nice now?" "[ Dramatic ]" "This is for 4,000, Bob." "Aprovost is a high-ranking officer commonly found at what type of institution?" "Museum, hospital, university, bank." " It's university, you idiot." " University." " Final answer?" " Final." "Yes, sir." "You got it again, Bob." "[ Audience Cheering ]" "Help!" "[ Grunts ]" "Ow.!" "Help.!" "Help.!" "Oh, God!" "Oh, God!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "Help!" "[ Screaming ]" " [ Door Opens, Knocking ]" " Yoo-hoo.!" " [ Muffled ] I'm in here!" "I'm in here!" " Anybody home?" " Over here!" " [ Door Closes ]" "Mr. Wharton." "Oh, my goodness." "This is dreadful." "Look at you." "You've been assaulted and robbed." "Oh.!" "The world we live in." " Who on earth would do something such as this?" " [ Muffled Speaking ]" "Oh, of course." "You can't speak." "I'll get you a pad and a pencil." "That's no good." "Your hands are tied." "My God!" "You must've been left here for what?" "Over an hour?" "It must feel awful to be left alone and vulnerable." "Well, apparently... they made off with nothing more than some dingy old file boxes... which could only contain records, I would imagine." "How stupid are they?" "What could they possibly hope to get for that?" "Anyway, I'm glad it's over." "Let's just pray it never happens again... and again and again." " [ Moans ]" " Oh." "Also, obviously you're in no shape to handle your court-appointed duties... particularly with regard to Adele." "Not to worry." "I just happen to have with me... that release form from the other day." "Now, maybe there's just enough give here" "[ Grunts ] to let you sign it." "Hmm." "There's that." "There you go." "Wonderful!" "You know, now that this experience... has brought us closer..." "I feel I can say this." "Sometimes these events are just what one needs... to shake things up a bit, make a change." "New job, new direction, new ideas." "Just a thought." "I'm thinking now would be a perfect time to start." "Yes." "Well, this is much better already." "I feel that foreboding sense of danger fading." "Still, best to stay alert, on the right path... because you never know when this kind of thing might happen again." "You only know that it will." "[ Bell Dings ]" " [ Bell Dings ]" " Hey." "Hey, hey." "You didn't actually file a police report?" " And an insurance claim." " [ Sighs ]" " Shirley-- - [ Alarm Rings ]" "If, God forbid, the guy who stole this feels remorse... and returns it to my client... she could end up going to jail." "It's a tribute to the risks one is willing to take for some momentary pleasure." "Which proves my point, by the way." "It's not just me." "It's all of us." "We are all merely sexual animals." "And Shirley... as crude as you might think me at times... at least I put myself out there and act on my instincts." "You must at least admire me for that." "I more than admire you, Ivan, and you know it." "You've a wife who adores you and who you love... probably more than you're willing to admit." "And for her sake, if not-- more importantly-- for your own... you need to grow up." "[ Alarm Rings ]" "I love you, Shirley." "I love you too." "[ Bell Dings ]" " Sam." " Denny Crane!" " Good to see you." " How are you?" "Oh, look at you." " How's Evelyn?" " She's well." "She's very well." "Thanks for asking." "How is the fishing going this season?" " In the water or in the bedroom?" " Uh-oh." "[ Laughing ]" "Well, what can we do for you?" "Shouldn't we wait for Paul Lewiston?" "Paul's dialing things back a little right now." "Oh." "Well" "I'm considering divesting from some of my Hong Kong subsidiaries." " Really?" " And, uh" " I'm sorry." " Is Paul leaving the firm?" " It's unclear." "But the point is, I'm your point man." "Always have been." "Denny, we've known each other a long time... so I don't take any pleasure in being this blunt." " But I love having a drink with you, schmoozing" " Right." "Paul's the one I deal with." "I mean, he's the expert in Asian markets, and you" "Well" "This is for you." " What is it?" " Open it." "Denny" "Just a simple, "Thank you, O kind and benevolent leader" will suffice." "I can't accept this." "I thought it was what you always wanted." "I'm sure it's what you thought I always wanted." "You trying to play hardball with me, Paul?" "Don't tell me this whole thing is simply a matter of respect." "Good God." "It is." "My mind and my priorities are exactly where they should be right now." "When Rachel gets out, I will be back here full-time, or maybe I won't." "In the meantime, it will give you the opportunity... to actually think about things for a change." "God bless us, we found it!" "The antique, steam-powered woman-pleasing machine... is always in the last place you look." "You bet." "Now, my client is more than thrilled to return it... and just ask for visitation rights." "However, she cannot do that from jail." "So she requests that the police and insurance claims be withdrawn." "Done.Just want to check to make sure it's the original machine." "You don't trust me?" "Not a bad idea." "I left my wife, Shirley." " Did you?" " About an hour ago." "So what do you think?" "To be honest, I'm a little afraid to think." "Well, no need then." "However, you know me." "I do have a question." "And what would that be?" "Would you like to see my attachments?" "[ Steam Hissing ]" "Denny, you're here late." "I run the place." "So... you and Shirley" "Gives us something in common." "A hell of a woman." " We have something else in common." " What's that?" "We're both leading men." "We're like stars in our own show." "Only the star doesn't have only one leading lady." "Oh, sure." "Sometimes, at the end of an episode, looks like he's settling down with someone." "But the next week, she's not there." "It's somebody else." "It's a way of holding up viewer interest." "You're a strange man, Denny." "Strange leading man." "You're not gonna hurt her, Ivan." "So whose ass did you have kicked?" " Someone whose ass thoroughly deserved it." " Good!" "I can never understand... why people don't use violence more often to solve their problems." " Works every time." " Actually, I'm quite disturbed by it." "I had a real appetite for Mr. Wharton's fear and suffering." " Is that unusual?" " For me, not at all." "What was unusual was how swiftly I acted on my cravings." "It was an emergency." "What else could you do?" "Something more clever." "Equally disturbing was how easy it all was." "Quick fix which required very little thought on my part.Just a phone call." "I wonder what I'm turning into." " Denny Crane." " [ Chuckles ]" "I think I'm still a long ways away from that." "Oh." "Don't you worry." "You'll get there." "[ Woman ] You stinker.!"