"(THEME SONG PLAYING)" "Shawn and Angela are so cute together." "Maybe next weekend, the four of us could go out... (CHUCKLES) "The four of us."" "What?" "Shawn's two-week rule." "So I guess that's it." "It's over." "Two weeks." "You knew that going in." "I did." "Wait." "Where are you going?" "(SCOFFS) Oh, I'm sorry." "I thought you were done letting me down easy." "Go ahead." "Never mind." "Are you okay?" "You're just taking this so well." "It was a great two weeks." "We had fun." "Yeah." "We did." "So?" "So..." "See ya?" "That Angela's all right." "I'm gonna miss her." "Well, then why did you break up with her?" "As they say south of the border, dos semanas." "Shawn, you guys were really getting along!" "You know, your two-week rule is dumb." "No, no, no." "His one-week rule was dumb." "His two-week rule shows growth." "Shawn, just face it." "You're afraid to make a commitment." "I'm not afraid to make a..." "I've been with Cory for 15 years." "Ah, they've been good years." "You worked very hard at it." "Hey, it takes two." "Stop!" "You're afraid to get to know someone." "You're afraid of letting someone get to know you." "And unless you get over this, you're going to go through life all alone." "Except for Cory, who will bring you magazines and pudding." "There." "I think I got through to him." "(SIGHS)" "Sure, you did, honey, and now he wants to hear what she has to say." "What did Topanga mean about me being afraid to commit?" "You know, most relationships don't work out, and I just want to get out before anyone gets hurt, okay?" "Shawn, we just want you to be happy." "Mmm-hmm." "Hey, look." "Somebody left their purse." "Hmm." "Hey, Mr. Feeny, we found this purse." "Who runs the lost and found?" "I do, Mr. Matthews." "I teach English, history and film, and I run the lost and found." "We'll put up a notice." "Would you?" "Maybe you should go through it and see if there's any ID." "No." "Not gonna." "I once went through my mom's purse." "Yeah." "I can't look at her anymore." "Okay." "Stand back." "I'm going in." "(CLEARS THROAT) Okay." "No wallet." "No ID." "Well, there's got to be something in there that lets us know who she is, right?" "Lip gloss." "She cares about her lips." "(SNIFFS) Hmm." "Kiwi mango." "No way!" "(SNIFFS) Kiwi..." "That is so sexy!" "Do you know that the Ted Koppel show called that "the lip gloss of forbidden love"?" "And look at this, a book of sonnets." "(LAUGHS) Shakespeare, I hear he's good." "Notice the bookmark." "A ticket stub to a Van Damme movie." "Only the greatest actor ever made." "Okay, so what we got here is a purse-losing, lips-protecting, poetry-reading, Van Damme-loving gal." "Wow." "I'd give her two weeks." "Mr. Feeny!" "What is it, Mr. Matthews?" "Crisis at college." "I have a really big test, okay?" "And test scores are important in college." "It turns out they base all the grades on them." "So let's get cracking, okay?" "Eric, it's time you did this on your own." "Now, you're fine." "You have all the skills." "Hey..." "You're tutoring another student in there, aren't you?" "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." "It's Kevin McDougal, isn't it?" "The kid from the other side." "Eric, you have the ability to do fine." "Now, just study the materials." "I have confidence in you." "I just wish you had confidence in yourself." "Good luck, my boy." "He's a professional tutor!" "You mean nothing to him!" "All right." "Here's an easy one." "The Louisiana Purchase?" "I don't know!" "Stop hounding me!" "Come on, man!" "Two guys?" "1800s?" "Lewis and..." "Lewis." "The Lewis twins." "(EXHALES)" "Oh, man, who am I kidding?" "I don't belong in college." "Look, just hit the books a little harder." "I'll be back, and we'll try it again, okay?" "All right." "Come on, Eric, you can do this." "Just relax and focus." "Columbus." "Cortes." "Marco..." "Come on." "Marco..." "I can't believe this!" "Marco..." "FEENY:" "Polo." "Marco..." "Polo." "(EXCLAIMS)" "Mr. Feeny, what are you doing here?" "I'm here to help you." "Who are you talking to?" "Oh, Jack, right." "You remember my mentor, Mr. Feeny." "Yes, I do." "Who are you talking to?" "Uh, Mr. Feeny." "The British guy on our couch right there." "I'm from Boston, you boob." "Uh, excuse me." "A little respect." "You're a guest in my house." "Excuse me." "I pay rent here." "I'm talking to Mr. Feeny." "Oh." "Your mentor." "Yeah." "On the couch." "Mr..." "The guy!" "Right there!" "On our couch!" "Eating our beer nuts!" "Mmm, nutty." "Okay, I'm leaving." "Man, did I pick a rudie for a roommate." "He acts like you don't even exist." "He can't see me." "Only you can see me." "And only you can see me because I exist only in your imagination." "Okay." "So why are you here?" "To take you to the library." "You need to study, and I'm here to help you." "That makes sense." "Can you just hang on one second?" "Jack?" "Yeah." "Hey, buddy, quick question." "Uh, Feeny or no Feeny?" "No Feeny." "Thank you." "You ready?" "I'm driving." "Come on." "Hey." "Anyone call about that purse yet?" ""Love is not love" ""Which alters when it alteration finds" ""Or bends with the remover to remove"" "No one called, huh?" "Bummer." "Anyway, listen." "Topanga and I were talking about your problem." "I don't have a problem." "We feel that if you met the right girl..." "Wait, wait, wait." "Is this you or Topanga talking?" "She decided we're one person." "Anyway," "Topanga's got this friend." "Debra." "No." "No, no, no." "I don't want to be fixed up." "Hey, you know what else I found in this purse?" "A guitar pick, a Greenpeace sticker and a box of Sno-Caps, only the greatest movie snack ever made." "Wait a minute." "Shawn." "Listen." "Don't you want that feeling?" "What feeling?" "You know, that feeling you get when you meet someone special." "It's the feeling I get every day when I'm with Topanga." "You know, it's warm and happy and fuzzy." "I can't describe it, but there are bunnies." "Lots of bunnies." "You know, we just want you to have that feeling." "Okay?" "So meet Debbie." "Fine." "I'll meet Debbie." "Good." "(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)" "I wonder if Debbie's anything like this girl." "What girl?" "The purse girl." "Did you know that she likes classical music?" "Shawn, you hate classical music." "Well, I just never gave it a chance." "This is the part where the violin rocks!" "(LIVELY VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)" "Shawn, Shawn, please don't." "Don't." "Don't do this, okay?" "Because your date, Debbie, is under the impression that you don't do this." "(DOOR BELL RINGS)" "Okay." "Hello, ladies." "Hello, hello." "Hi." "And Debbie, how are you?" "Hi." "I'm Cory, and this is my best friend, Shawn Hunter." "You're very thin!" "Is that bad?" "Oh, no!" "It's good." "Low impact, high impact, kickboxing, cross training." "What are you doing?" "Because whatever it is, it's working." "I eat a lot of burgers." "Good!" "Good!" "Eat fat to burn fat." "Debbie is an aerobics instructor!" "Really!" "No!" "Excellent, excellent!" "Excellent!" "This is good!" "Why would you think that this girl is for me?" "Word around the gym, Shawn Hunter is quite a kisser." "This could work." "They seem right for each other." "I don't know." "Shawn doesn't sweat that much." "I hope she's okay with that." "Why don't we talk first?" "Um, what kind of music do you like?" "(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)" "Not this." "You can't work out to this." "I like it." "Debbie, if you close your eyes, you can actually see spring." "Animals awakening from their winter rest, flowers blossoming into full bloom." "Try it." "(EXHALES)" "I just see fat people bouncing." "I think there's a relationship happening here." "Let us go to our new couple friends and make plans for weekends at the cottage." ""Love is not love" ""Which alters when it alteration finds" ""Or bends with the remover to remove"" "Why are you doing this to me?" "Hi!" "How's the happy couple doing?" "(SIGHS) I need chocolate." "That's 14 grams of fat." "And you have a purse." "Yes, I do." "Come on, now." "That's not really his purse." "He found that purse." "Oh, well, he found an ugly one." "Hey." "I happen to like this purse." "Topanga, I don't think this is working." "Debbie, give it a chance." "No, no, look." "Um..." "I can't do this, okay?" "Shawn." "Don't fix me up." "CORY:" "Shawn." "No." "You know what?" "I am perfectly happy with the way things are." "(SCATTING)" "Hey." "Hey." "Listen, sorry about last night." "On paper, Debbie sounded pretty good." "Oh!" "Forget about it." "Here, have a Sno-Cap." "Hey, Shawn." "Hey, Angela." "Something's different about you." "What is that, a new shirt?" "This old thing?" "No." "Stop." "Well, it works for you." "Thanks." "Thanks." "Bye." "Okay, why are you so happy?" "Well, I..." "I think I met someone." "Someone special." "(GIGGLES)" "Shawn, you just giggled." "Yeah." "I've been doing that a lot." "(GIGGLING)" "I have the feeling, Cory." "Do you know the one that you were trying to explain?" "Well, I woke up this morning, and it was like rays of sunshine were..." "No, no, no, no." "It was more like fluffy, marshmallow clouds coated in..." "No." "I can't explain it either, but I thought I saw a bunny." "Well, good for you, Shawn." "So who is it?" "It's her." "The purse girl." "Shawn, you don't know her." "Cory," "I do know this girl." "Look, I know everything about her." "I'm in love." "Well, hey, I hope you find her." "It's like you and Topanga, you know?" "A perfect fit." "Yeah, but I didn't fall in love with her luggage." "B!" "A B in college is, like, the best you can do!" "You did very well, Eric." "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "Hello." "You know, a lot of people might not appreciate what you do, but I do." "You know, Mr. Matthews," "I understand that I'm in your imagination, but this ascot..." "I think we can do better." "I'll do anything you want." "Another thing, you've got me in briefs." "I'm a boxer man." "You want me to change your underwear?" "(ELEVATOR DINGS)" "Hey, buddy!" "I'm waving a B in history!" "You're kidding me." "(CHUCKLES)" "How did you get a B?" "Feeny." "Thanks." "Oh, right, your invisible mentor guy." "Come on, man, if you've got a secret, let me in on it." "It's no secret." "It's Feeny." "I believed in him, he helped me." "I got a good grade." "(SIGHS)" "Mr. Feeny?" "Mr. Feeny, are you here, sir?" "It's, uh..." "It's me, Jack, Eric's friend." "(SIGHS) Look, I know you're not my mentor, but I just got beat by Eric on a test." "That's just plain wrong." "So if you could, sir, begin." "I'm ready to learn." "Jack." "He's not there." "He's not?" "No." "He's on the balcony." "Oh, Shawnie, I'm glad you're here." "Listen." "Um..." "Based on the information we've gathered from the contents of the purse," "I've put together a composite drawing of the woman you love." "Huh?" "Okay." "Okay, she's gorgeous, but she's sad." "Sad because she lost her purse." "She..." "She called." "She saw the notice and called." "(STAMMERING) That's great!" "Who is it?" "Who is it?" "I don't know." "Jack took the message." "I'm supposed to meet her at Chubbie's." "Well, why don't you take this with you to make sure it's her?" "I'm not going." "You go." "I don't understand." "Cory, I can't meet her." "This feeling is so incredible," "I just want to hold on to it for as long as possible." "I know, but do you understand that when you meet her, that feeling will only get better?" "And what if it doesn't?" "And what if it's not as good as what I have now?" "With the purse?" "Just drop it, Cory." "Listen, what are you so afraid of?" "I'm afraid of getting hurt, okay?" "I mean, I've seen the pain on my father's face every time a woman walks out because he's not good enough." "Shawn." "You are not your father, okay?" "And this thing is not real!" "Hi, guys." "Oh, hey." "This is real." "All right?" "I smile at her, she smiles back." "She's there for me." "Through the good and the bad." "Yeah, well, where I've come from, I've never seen love work." "But it can." "Okay?" "This girl here could be your love, your destiny." "That was beautiful, Cory." "What is that, kiwi mango?" "It's very sexy." "Whitman." "Major work, Leaves of Grass." "Poe." "Major work, The Raven." ""Quoth the raven..."" ""'Nevermore.'"" "Mr. Feeny." "Aren't you a little overdressed for the library?" "Oh, not for the one in Laughlin, Nevada." "Ooh, Laughlin, Nevada." "Population, 8,900." "Major business, legalized gambling." "Birthplace of the $2.99 prime rib special." "Wait, why are we going to Laughlin?" "We're not going." "I'm going." "Wait a second, Mr. Feeny, I can't do this without you." "Eric, you did this all on your own." "You've always had the skills." "Just keep using them, and you'll never be without me." "That's what you..." "The real Mr. Feeny would say." "Smart man, that Feeny." "Oh, look." "A rare bird." "Huh?" "Marco..." "Marco..." "Polo, Mr. Matthews." "(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)" "Hey!" "Don't ever talk to me about love or destiny again." "What happened?" "I went there, okay?" "I put my heart on the line." "She's got a boyfriend, Cory, and do you know what I feel now?" "Pain." "It's like my heart's been ripped out and stepped on!" "So just do me a favor and stay out of my personal life, okay?" "Shawn, I'm sorry." "I mean it!" "I will." "I mean it." "You are so lucky that someone found your purse." "I know, I thought it was gone forever." "Well, here's all your stuff back." "Great." "Wait a minute." "Angela's stuff was in your purse?" "Yeah." "I lent it to her." "I felt awful when I lost it." "Your stuff was in her purse?" "The lip gloss, the Sno-Caps?" "Yeah." "And my book of sonnets." "I can't live without these." "Mr. Feeny?" "It's me, Jack." "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "You need help studying, don't you?" "Who, me?" "Nah." "Come on in." "Come on in." "Your prayers have been answered." "Come on." "You?" "Yeah." "Oh, man!" "I was kind of hoping for your, you know, magical, invisible Mr. Feeny mentor guy." "Okay, listen." "First of all, he doesn't exist, okay?" "Second of all, he's in Laughlin, Nevada." "Third of all, you've got the skills, my friend." "You just gotta use them." "Okay?" "Take a seat." "Come on." "All right." "I'm gonna shoot a question out at you now." "All right?" "You ready?" "You sure?" "It's a tough one." "Poe's major work." "Gonna give you a hint." ""'Nevermore.'"" "This is calculus." "Mr. Feeny." "Mr. Feeny!"