" I believe in control, the only force mighty enough to bring order in the chaos that is my world." " Congrats!" " Oh, thanks." " "Oh thanks." Like it's not a big deal?" " It's really not." " To some people, it is." " Hey Lyla." "Sorry about the..." " Oh, please." "I'd much rather be your VP anyway." " Okay." "Alright ladies, settle down, settle down." "Alright, see we're all here." "Oh, I had a chance to read these and I have to say, these are really, really great." "Thought-provoking and critically engaging." "I am very, very impressed with your work." "Now, anyone who's interested in a little extra credit should consider applying to Columbia's annual Young Writer's Program." "They're accepting applicants for their pre-college workshop." "I think you'd be a great fit." "Yes, Lyla." " If we apply, can we come by after school for some extra one-on-one help?" " Um, you can use the rest of the class time to work on the assignment." "If you have any questions, feel free to ask." " I got a freaking B+, can you believe it?" " You did so bad." " Well, what did you get?" " Um," "I passed." " He said he wasn't gonna be easy on us." " Well, you got an A, didn't you?" " Of course she did." " Hey Belle!" " Oh my God." " Look what I got." "Want a ride?" "You have to say yes." " Say no." " Hi guys." "Hey Gus, nice car." " Come on, get in." " No way." " Well, why not?" "Look, I'll just drive you home." " Gus, you don't have a license." " Yeah, I do." " No, you don't." "You have a permit, you're supposed to be driving with a parent." " Yeah, well yeah yeah, whatever." "Just come on, get in." " Sorry." "Then, Mr. Davy said I had a good chance at getting into the program, so" "I'm gonna apply for the summer." "Well, that's perfect." " Which means I have to go to Columbia for the workshop, which means I already have a good chance at getting in there for college." "I know it's early, but you have to start thinking about college early, because one thing affects another and everything else." " Hmm." " Why don't you ever ask me how my day at school goes, dad?" " We know we don't have to worry about you, Belle." " I got elected class president." " That's great, sweetie, congratulations." " Thanks." " President of the school, wow." "My baby is so smart." " Not of the school, dad, just my class." "Like the freshman class." " Sorry." "Yeah, Bob." "" " Annabelle." " Freshman." " English Honors." " Mr. Davy." "My role model..." "My role model is my mom because she is the person in my life who cares most about me." "She is smart, beautiful, and hard-working, everything I wanna be." "She helped me make pins and posters for my presidential campaign, helped me write my speech, and even baked cupcakes for the PTA." "She wants to see me succeed and pushes me to live up to my full potential." "I try to make her proud." " Mom, mom can I come in?" "Mom!" "I'm coming in!" "Mom." "Dad, where's mom?" " Uh, in the darkroom." " No she's not, I was just in there." " I don't know, sweetie." "She must have stepped out." " All her photos, everything's gone." " You know, she must have had an exhibition tonight." " She didn't tell me about it." "Mom." "Hey mom, it's your Anabelle." "Just wanna know when you were coming home." "I got some really good news at school today." "Call me back when you get this." "Oh!" "I'm applying for this writer's program and I've been working on my application essay all day." "I should really take a break, but I kinda wanna finish it." "Are you at an exhibition?" "I can come visit." "Call me back when you get this." "Mom, I didn't get to tell you about the PTA meeting." "It's Friday at seven and I'm gonna give my speech as class president." "Oh, that's my good news, I got elected class president." "So if you get home early, maybe we can go to dinner or something to celebrate." "I mean, it's not president of the school, but it's still good, right?" "Mom, where are you?" " Everything alright?" " Fine." " You can take a break every once in a while." " That's alright." " Belle, if you ever need someone to talk to, well, you know where I am, so you can always..." " I'm good, Mr. Davy." "Thanks." "Is mom home?" "Have you talked to her?" " Yeah, this morning." " Really?" "Why hasn't she been answering my calls?" " She just needs time." " For what?" " For herself." "Belle, you know how she is." " So, are you guys doing a theme for the dance?" " Belle and I haven't really discussed it." "We'll probably talk about it at the next meeting." " A fire-hot freshman theme, kinda like an inferno!" " Are you going with Gus?" " To the dance?" " No, to the moon." " She doesn't even wanna go with him anyway, right?" " Yeah, of course." " I don't know." "In some sort of weird way, they're kind of cute together." " You're too good for him." "There's so many other cute Briary boys." " That your parents won't hate." " Oh yeah, what's up with your mom anyway?" "Heard she hasn't been home in like a week." " Where'd you hear that?" " Small town." " Yeah well, she's away on business." " Photographers do business trips?" " Where'd she go?" " Anybody want the rest?" "I had a big breakfast." " I'll take it." " Hey Belle." " Hey Gus." " What's going on, Belle?" " Nothing much, Gus." " Want a ride?" " Not today, Gus." " Next on the agenda, committees." "Now, we're looking for parents who have not yet signed up for a committee to help with fundraising." " Is your mom still heading publicity this year?" " Yes, of course." " When is she coming back from her trip?" " I'm not sure." " Haven't you talked to her?" " Yes." "I left a message." " A message, so you haven't actually spoken to her?" "She didn't really leave for work, did she?" " Excuse me." " And now, I'd like to turn it over to our headmaster..." " Welcome to the first PTA meeting of freshman year." " Where's Belle?" " I think she went to the bathroom." " Now?" " Hey, uh, nervous?" " I'm good." " Yeah, you are, but do you know that?" " Know what?" " You're good." "Okay," " I gotta make my speech." " Look, how about we get out of here?" "How about I drive you home?" "Look, you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to, right?" " Now, I'll turn it over to our executive board freshman class president who will give a couple of remarks discussing some of the upcoming events this year, so..." " Thanks, I got this." "Thanks, Mr. Davy." "Firstly, I just want to thank all the parents in attendance today who are so engaged in their children's education." "I want to believe my mom is coming back." "I mean, it's not like she's done this before, but for some reason, I'm not surprised." "No matter how involved in my life she was, she's always seemed distracted," "not really listening, there, but not like really there." "Well, she was there for everyone else to see, but come to think of it, I..." "I don't remember the last time she hugged me." " What are you doing?" " Nothing." " Your dad let me in." "New hobby?" " It's my mom's." " She won't get mad?" " No, she said I could use it." " You talked to her?" " Yeah, she just gotta figure some stuff out." " Right." " Um, so do you wanna do just traditional pink and red or red and black?" "I was actually thinking we could do something classy." "Maybe black and white with pink and red accents, but Olivia's so set on red-hot theme, that I don't know." " Right." " Yeah." "I found this great website." "Here, I'll show you some of my ideas." " Who is this person?" " Who?" " This person, right there." " I don't know who that is." " But why are you on this page?" " I mean, it's just..." " Why does it say your name is Ana?" " Nobody uses their real names." " So you lie?" " Well, Ana is the first part of my name, so technically, no." " Wow." " It's not a big deal." " You're not planning on killing yourself or anything, right?" " What?" "No." "Why would you say that?" " I don't know, it just looks like that." " No, it's just thinspo." " Right." " Thinspiration, just inspiration to keep thin." " I know what thinspo is." " Don't tell anyone?" " Of course." " How does the 25th work for you?" "We should set up a meeting of the executive council." "I was thinking we could get started on the dance early this year." "It is our big fundraiser for the spring trip, and I was wondering if your mom could give us some of the photos that she has from last year's dance to help them with his year's." "I didn't see her at the PTA meeting." " Oh, she was there." " She was?" " Mhm." "You know what?" "I'll tell her to bring it to back-to-school night." " Sounds great." " So how are you gonna pull that one off?" " What do you mean?" " You're only lying to yourself." " Let's go." " Uh, are you sure?" " Hurry up." " That is Belle." "That can't be Belle." " Well, that's Gus's car." "♪ Grab my hand and let's go far" "♪ We'll never leave this little car" "♪ We'll travel here and go to there" "♪ You'll never be alone I swear" "♪ I love you" "♪ We'll smile when others laugh at us" "♪ Grab my hand and let's go far" "♪ We'll never leave this little car" "♪ I'll take you here, I'll take you there" "♪ You'll never have to fear again" "♪ But fear" "♪ Yourself" "♪ Grab my hand and let's go far" "♪ We'll never leave this little car" "♪ I'll take you here, I'll take you there" "♪ I'll take you all the way to the moon, I swear" "♪ I love you" "♪ We'll smile when others laugh at us" "♪ Whoa whoa whoa" "♪ Whoa whoa" "♪ I love you so" "♪ Whoa whoa" "♪ Whoa whoa" "♪ Not one two three, but four" "♪ Times more than any lover before" "♪ Me" "♪ Yeah, me" "♪ Well grab my hand and let's go far" "♪ We'll never leave this little car" " Belle." "I'm glad I ran into you, I still haven't received your essay for the application yet." " Oh, I'm not finished." " Okay, well please hurry." "That deadline is fast approaching." " Of course." "I'll have it done soon." " Perfect." " Whipped!" " Joey, just shut up." " You know, you smell like ass." " Oh yeah?" "Well, you are an ass." " How precious." " Joey, I swear to God, if you don't leave me..." " Uh oh, uh oh, preppy's gonna get serious." " Joey, get the hell out of my room." " Yeah, well tell someone who cares." " Joey, get out of my room now." " You get out." " God!" " Really?" " Hey Belle, how was your break?" " Great." " We didn't hear from you at all." "I was the lucky one who didn't get a present." " Oh, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about our Secret Santa." " Yeah, and the student council meeting." " Don't worry, I'll be there." " It was yesterday." "Are you still planning for the dance?" " Yeah, of course." " Okay, because it just seems like Lyla's been doing all the work and the party committee was just wondering if we should listen to her because you haven't really been telling us what to do." " Yeah, I spoke to Lyla." "Just listen to her." " Next." "Come on, put that down." "Step up." "85.2" " What?" " You're 85." " Really?" " Yep." " Excuse me, hi, yes." "This is Mr. Davy, I'm looking for one of my students," "Anabelle." "I was wondering what class she's in this period." "The freshman, that's right." " You wanted to see me?" " Yes, have a seat." "I was going over the applications for the program the other day, and I couldn't find your essay." "So I was wondering when you handed it in." " I didn't." " Why not?" "Do you still want to?" "Do you want me to pull a few strings?" "Want me to get you some more time?" " No, that's okay Mr. Davy." " Are you sure?" "Is everything alright?" " Fine." " Belle, I know you're upset about the grade you received this marking period, but that doesn't mean that you should give up." " I know." " Look, when I was first starting out, I wanted to be a science teacher," "but I got stuck teaching English instead which turned out to be okay" "because I still got to do what I wanted to do." "I got to teach you guys." "I guess what I'm saying is life isn't perfect and you can't always get what you want, but you can get pretty close." " What took you so long?" " Sorry, a teacher kept me." " Was it Mr. Davy?" "And give you that rose?" " Do you have to smoke in here?" " You kinda stress me out." " It's nasty." " So open the window." " It's freezing." " You complain way too much." " You really shouldn't smoke." " Why, because you don't like it?" " No, well, yeah, but it's not good for you." " Well starving yourself isn't good for you neither." "So I was wondering," "wanna go to the dance?" " Is this a trick question?" " Uh, why you gotta make it so difficult?" " Are you asking me if I wanna go or if I wanna go with you?" " Do you wanna go to the dance with me?" "Yes or no." " Yes, yes, I wanna go with you." " Cool." " What changed your mind?" " You know, I just thought I'd steal you before Mr. Davy gets a chance." " Shut up." " Make me." " Shut up." " No, hey make me, make me," " No stop!" " Come one, make me, come on." " So, I really need to lose a few pounds to fit into this gorgeous dress that I tried on." "But it's gonna be totally worth it when somebody actually asks me to go." " You should ask Belle to teach you her secrets." "You could do that, right?" "You slimmed down from all that thinspo." " Oh." "I mean, it was just nothing." "I was just stressed." " What?" "When I'm stressed, I eat more." " So, are you guys have any date to the dance?" " We should all go together." "No, I have a date." " Who?" " Ryan asked me." "Does that mean Gus is going too?" "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, that's amazing, can you guys believe this?" "I mean, it's a bad idea." " Come on, it's not a bad idea." "It's not a bad idea, it's a great idea." "It's okay, I mean come on, be happy for her." " Now, to get us in the mood for Valentine's Day, we are going to be reading some of your love sonnets." "Who would like to go first?" "Great, Belle, thank you so much for volunteering." "Why don't you come up to the front of the class to present for us." "Oh my God." " Did I..." "Did I pass out?" " Mhm." " I think I'm still queasy from biology." "We're dissecting frogs." " Everything okay?" " She's fine." "I just called her father, he's on his way to pick her up." " Oh no, you didn't have to do that." " Oh yes she did." "School protocol, right Nurse Duffy?" "Mind if I have a moment to speak with Belle?" "Thank you." "Belle, I'm worried about you." " Well you shouldn't be." " You've been missing class quite frequently." " Kids miss class all the time." " Not kids with perfect attendance records." "How's everything with your friends?" " Fine." " How are things at home?" "How's dad?" " I don't know." " You don't know?" " I haven't seen him lately." " Well, what about mom?" "Belle, you're a really wonderful role model for this school." " I should get going." " All the girls look up to you." " I have to go..." " And I know your mom would be very proud if she knew..." " Enough!" " I'm here if you wanna talk." " She doesn't need you, Gus." "All she needs is a car and a way out." "Don't be stupid, okay?" "You really think she's gonna give a shit about you as much as you care about her?" "Huh?" "Do you?" " I'm fine, dad." " What's the problem now?" " I just forgot to eat breakfast." " Why aren't you eating?" "We have food in this house." " It's not a big deal, I'm just stressed." " You're stressed?" "You don't have to pay the bills." "You don't have to get the groceries." "You don't have to do the laundry." "You don't have one person to worry about." "You go to school, you keep your room clean, you do your homework, that's it." " Don't you think that's hard enough sometimes?" " Then why don't you spend more time on your work and less time in the darkroom?" " Dad, come on." " What are you trying to be anyway?" "You trying to be more like your mother?" "I don't want you in there anymore." " Dad!" " You've gotta learn to be responsible, Belle." " I'm trying really hard." " Look, I've gotta get back to work, but I need you to eat something." " I'm really not that hungry." " The nurse said I have to watch you eat it, Belle." " I'll eat it in a little bit." " One bite." "Thank you." "I'll be home in time for dinner." "I love you." " Hey dad." "I think you should be on your way home by now, but if you're staying late, that's cool." "Just..." "I ordered in tonight, just call me back when you get this and maybe I can call them to come a little later." "Never mind." " Hey, ready to go?" " Where?" "Oh, I forgot, I forgot to call you." "I'm gonna have to cancel tonight." " You're kidding, right?" " Well, my dad is on his way home, so..." " So?" " So he sort of picked me up from school today after I fainted." " Wait, you fainted?" "Why didn't you call me?" "You know, when he wasn't there for you, I was." " Oh, back so soon?" "What happened?" " It's just her stupid dad." "Can't mess with the pops." " Hey girls." " Oh, hi Mr. Davy." " Where's Belle today?" " I don't know, we haven't really seen her much lately." " Is that so?" " Yeah, she's been hanging out with her boy toy." " Shut up." " Well, if she's not in school tomorrow, please let her know that she will not be going to the dance." "She should be setting an example." " Are you messaging her?" " Of course." " Can I get my girlfriend for like, five minutes please?" "Hey." " Can you untwist this please?" " Okay." "There you go." "So do you like the movie so far?" " It's okay, it's boring." " But you're the one that suggested it." " Well, I suggested it because you like it." " Okay, then what do you wanna watch?" "People kissing in the rain or something like that?" " No." " Okay, seriously." "Are you ever gonna put that thing down?" " Um, no." " Hey, do you want my zip-up?" " I'll just turn the heat up." " But it's hot." " I'll just get a sweater then." " Okay, what's with your attitude?" " Sorry I'm not perfect!" " You could just be a little nicer to me." " Well, I can't please everybody." " What?" "Okay, what is your problem?" " So now, I have a problem?" " Look, that's not what I said, it's just..." "God, um." "Okay, how about this?" "How about I'll just pause the movie and you can go get your sweater?" " Don't bother, I'm just gonna go to the darkroom." "I've got stuff to do." " Wait, hold up." "Stuff to do?" "What, is it more important than me?" " I guess." " Alright fine." "I guess I'm not important enough to take you to the dance then." " What?" " You heard me, I said I'm not going." " Stop, stop being ridiculous." " Really?" "'Cause I was thinking the same thing about you." " What's that supposed to mean?" " You can be so smart sometimes, but yet, so dumb at the same time." " I'm dumb?" "You're dumb." "I'm not the one failing out of high school." " I'm missing my math test right now because of you." " Whatever." "You're dumb!" " I'm not dumb enough to starve myself and think that it's gonna bring my mommy back or something." " Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message." " Belle, open the door." "Belle, come on, open the door." " I'm fine, get out!" " Come on, Belle, open the" " Mom." " No sweetie, it's just me." " I'm sorry." " It's okay." "It's okay, sweetie." " I really messed up." " You're perfect." " Hey Gus." " Hey Lyla." " I heard you were going to the dance with Belle." " Okay look, I don't have time for this right now." " Where is Belle anyway?" " Don't worry about it." " Wasn't she with you today?" " Well yeah, she was." " Another fight?" " Why don't you just stay out of it, okay?" " That's not what you usually say." " What do you want from me?" " Just a concerned friend." " Look Mr. Davy, we need to talk, okay?" " Gus, right." "I heard a lot about you." " One and only." " Look, I'm sorry." "I don't have time for whatever trouble you've gotten yourself into now, I..." " Just give me two minutes, just two minutes." " Don't they have counselors over at Briary?" "I really don't have time to spare for any of you boys, I apologize." " Yeah, that's right." "Focus most of your time on these ladies, huh?" " Excuse me?" "That was extremely disrespectful." "Hey." "I take my job seriously." "I worked very hard for it." " Okay look, I know you don't like me, right back at ya, this is very important." " What do you mean?" " Belle, I've scheduled a follow-up meeting with the nurse today." "I'd appreciate it if you saw her after school." " But I'm supposed to help set up for the dance after school." " Without a pass from the nurse, you won't even be allowed into the dance." "School policy." " Did you steal those from the gym?" " I'll give them back." "That's not the point." " Drink plenty of water to add weight without adding calories." " I can't believe we're doing this." " I find it quite admirable, actually." " Olivia!" " What?" "If I can't go to the dance, we might as well help Belle." " Why can't you go to the dance?" " You failed math, didn't you?" " Whatever." "Like, as soon as this dance is over, you have to eat something and we'll get you help and we'll tell someone." " No, I'm fine, stay out of it." " I don't think that's an option anymore." " Why don't you just eat something now?" " Really, I'm okay, and thank you." "Okay, now give me all of your change." " Have a seat." " Alright class." "I'd like to congratulate a very special student for getting into the Columbia program." "I'd like to share that Lyla has been accepted and will be taking part in this great opportunity this summer." "So let's go ahead and give her a hand." " Do I need to undress." " Not necessary." " So will I be able to go to the dance?" "Hey Gus." "I'm sorry again." "Can we please go together tonight?" "Call me." " I can do your hair next." " Nah, I think I'm just gonna leave it alone." " Since when do you smoke?" " Helps with nerves." " What are you nervous about?" " And it doesn't make me that hungry." " There we go." "Is that from the Columbia program?" "I thought you didn't apply." " I didn't." " Did you get in?" "Course." "What do you think?" " Looks great." " Try yours on so we can compare." " I can't wear this." " Why not?" " I don't like it anymore." "I think I'm just gonna wear something else." " You spent all your allowance on that dress." "Isn't that why you've been practically starving yourself?" " What?" "No." "I mean, yeah, I used the money, but I didn't do it for a dress." " Then why?" "For Gus?" " For me." " Oh." "Well, just throw a jacket on over it." "♪ I wasn't counting on breaking your heart" "♪ Now, I'm just counting on luck" " Belle, what are you doing here?" " Why shouldn't I be?" " Do you have a note?" "Where'd you get this?" " The nurse." " Where's Gus?" " He couldn't come." " Don't pull this shit with me, I need the car." " Hell no." " Joey, I need the car." "Please, just give me the keys." " Why, so you can see your little girlfriend?" " Come on Joey." " Do you still think I can give my speech to the class on behalf of the executive council?" " Hey, where's Belle?" " Why don't you just leave her alone already?" " I need to talk to her, do you know where she is?" " Maybe, maybe not." " You know, you're unbelievable." "You know that?" " You love it." " Hello, and welcome to our school dance." "I had a fantastic year with you all here." "There have been many great moments, like the time when..." " Alright, everybody settle down for just a second." "We'll continue." "For now, oh," "I'd like to thank Dear Luna for so graciously being here, so let's go ahead and give them a hand." "Thank you, gentleman." " I'm gonna talk, I have a speech and everything." " But Mr. Davy said I could do it." " It's okay, I can do it." "I'm fine." " I know, but you haven't been here for the meetings." "I spent weeks on this." " I know, but I have to do it." " Why?" "Nobody even cares." " I care." " Well, so do I." " Since when?" " Since you fell off the face of the earth and I took your place." " Now, I'd like to welcome up your freshman class president to say a few words." " Maybe next election, Lyla." " You know what?" "I'm so done with this." "You win." "Thinner is the winner." " What?" " Ally?" "Yeah, it's me." " What?" " I'm Ally." "Exactly." "You can starve yourself until you're nothing." "It's all I ever wanted you to be anyway." "I believe in control, the only force mighty enough to bring order in the chaos that is my world." "I believe that I'm the most vile, worthless, and useless person ever to have existed on this planet and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention." "I believe in oughts, musts, and shoulds, as unbreakable laws to determine my daily behavior." "I believe in perfection and strive to attain it." "I believe in salvation through starvation." "I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of God and memorize them accordingly." "I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures." "I believe in Hell, 'cause sometimes," "I think I live in it." "I believe in a holy black and white world." "The losing of weight, recrimination for sins, elongation of the body" "and a life ever fasting." " Let's not tell mom about this." " You still think she might come back?" " Actually, no." "It's okay though." "Can I have my bag?" " You know, you gave us all quite a scare." " Belle, you know you're not supposed to have that." " I'm sorry, I just wanted to see if it was still there." " If what was still there?" " Nothing, never mind." " Belle, you have someone here to see you." "Are you up for visitors?" " Okay." " Hi there." " It's okay, Dad." "I'm fine for now, thanks." " You're doing great, we just don't wanna trigger a relapse." " But she wouldn't go through this again, would she?" " Most do." " What do you want from me?" " I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry." " You knew it was me." "You knew I was Ana." "You were the only one who knew, and you took advantage of it." " Everyone's a little insecure." "I didn't know anyone took it that seriously, Belle." "I never imagined you, of all people, would." " Then you did know, Lyla and you pushed me even further." " You didn't tell anyone it was me, did you?" " Do you realize how many people look up to you?" "Do you realize how many followers you have?" "How many girls must be doing crazy things because what you told them?" "What you posted?" "I mean, I don't think we could ever be friends again." " You're so lucky." "I could never be that skinny." "Belle, dinner's ready!" " Smells great, dad." " Hey." "I hope you like it." "Swirl." "Not terrible?" " Did you get any of my messages?" " I didn't really wanna speak to anyone." " Figures." "So how you feeling?" " Better." " That's good." " Hey, Belle." " Hey." " I received a letter from the writer's program." "You didn't have to apply for me." " I know, but I also know how much you really wanted it." "Sometimes, we tend to get a little off-track and that's when we could use the help of others to straighten us out again." " I'm done being on the track everyone thinks" "I want to be on." " No, I understand." " I didn't get it." " That's okay." " I know." "For the longest time," "I've tried to be perfect because I thought that making even one little mistake meant disappointing the people who love me." "But the people who love you will accept your B pluses and rejection letters just as much as your presidential victories." "I guess, at the end of the day," "I can't really say who my role model is." "Even the people we look up to most, believe in most, disappoint us sometimes." "But that's okay, because I know my worth isn't measured by numbers, numbers of friends, votes, likes, or pounds." "If we think that way, when will smart be smart enough?" "When will skinny be skinny enough?" "Sometimes, you have to be reminded to turn around and see how far you've come." "I'm Belle, I'm in recovery, I'm worth something." "We all are."