"Ever since you came down here to Florida, you´ve positively ignored me." " I never saw anything like it." "You men are all alike." " But" "Well, I think you´re a naughty, mean man, to make poor itty me cold." " I´m not gonna let you go without me." " Oh, why" "Seen my wife around ?" " Huh ?" " There." "[ Baby Talking ]" " So, it´s you, is it ?" "I´ve been laying for you..." " [ Screaming ] for the last three or four days," " now I´ d like to see you." " [ High, Squeaky Voice ] Murder !" " You can´t do this to me !" " I can´t, eh ?" "I´m doin´ it." " You´re gonna get in a lot of trouble." " [ Wife ] Help !" "Help !" " I´d say the same to you, if you take advantage." " Murder !" "Help !" "Say, can´t I leave you alone for one minute, without one of these guys trying to flirt with you ?" "Huh ?" "Oh." "Now, if any of these birds annoy you, just let me know." "Yes, hubby dear." "Gee, did you see what he did to that poor fellow ?" "[ Woman ] Boy, that house detective´s wife is going to get some guy murdered." "[ Man ] She´ll flirt with anybody that wears pants." " [ Chuckles ]" " Not me, little bright-eyes." "[ Mumbling ]" " I´m going to join your party." " [ Together ] Oh, yeah ?" "[ Softly ] Well, of all the nerve" "Hey, you." "Is there a gig by the name of J. Effington Bellwether... camping in this joint ?" " Mr. Bellwether is out." " Well, he´ll be out like a light... if he don´t come through with the 40 bucks he owes me... for taking him out in me fishing boat." "Why, the chiseler´s been giving me the runaround for me dough !" "And I´m gonna take it out of his hide." "You tell the big lob that." "Oh, Mr. Bellwether is a guest in this hotel." "I can´t deliver any such message." " But if you care to, leave him a note." " Well, I´ve brought me thumb." "Will youse write it out for me ?" "Certainly." "Pleasure." "Well, commence, then." """Dear Mr. Bellwether:" """Listen, you four-flushin´ horse collar." """If you don´t come through with the jack you owe me," """I´ll knock your sappy-lookin´ block off." """There ain´t no heel like you..." """gonna put nothin´ over on me..." " ""without gettin´ a knuckle massage." " [ Chuckles ]" """Affectionately Yours," "Deep Sea McGurk, alias the Slaughterhouse Kid.""" "Finished." "You know, uh" "Don´t forget and give that baloney Bellwether next." " Okay." " Hey-ho." "Happy days are here-- Hello, Walter." " How do you do, Mr. Bellwether ?" " Any telegrams, cablegrams, radios-  televisions" " Yes, sir." "A little note." "A little note ?" "Oh, thank you, Walter." "Thank you, my bonny boy." "Hmm.J. Effington Bellwether, that´s me." "[ Humming ""Happy Days Are Here Again"" ]" "Silly little girl." "[ Humming ]" "[ Mumbles ]" "[ Small Explosion ]" "Ah !" "Dangerous things, those lighters." "I bought one in Copenhagen one time." "It was a combination cigar lighter and matchbox." "The matches were very good." " Hey, mister !" " Uh, hello little boy." "I´m" " Would you give me a dollar ?" " Oh, it´s a little girl." "Hello, little girl." "How old are you ?" "Five years old." " Five years old !" " Would you give me a dollar to put in my bank ?" "I´ll give you a dollar to put in your bank..." " if you´ll sing me a song." " Give me the dollar first." "Ah, you´re more than five." "Go on, get out of here." " Aw, come on." "Gimme a dollar." " Come on, scram." "Oom-scray." "Get away." "I don´t care." "I got $50 in my bank already." " You have $50 in your bank ?" " Yes." "[ Screaming ]" "[ Fond Chuckling ] Ah" "[ Screaming ]" "Probably has a pin sticking in her, yes." "Well, well, Mr. Bellwether." "What are you doing down in Florida ?" "Oh, I was, uh, just negotiating for a bank." " That´s your little girl ?" " I don´t know whose little girl it is, but she´s trying to get money out of me." "[ Chuckling ]" "She´s a wonderful little child, though." "I was just playing with her silken hair." " You can lift me up by my hair if you want to." "Just as silk and beautiful" """I can lift her up by her hair if I want to.""" " She´s as game as a pebble." " Lift me up !" "Look at that !" "Isn´t it wonderful ?" "It really is remarkable." "And light as a feather." "Come on !" "Lift me up !" "Lift me up !" "[ Laughing ] She wants me to do it again !" "You know, it really is something to be proud of." "Yes, it´s marvelous, you little minx, you-- you wonderful little gal." " Lift me way up !" " Wants me to lift her way up." "Wants me to show it to everybody in the hotel." "Look." "[ Chuckling ] Why, it´s little" "Little, uh" "Say, was that guy trying to flirt with you ?" "Who ?" "Oh, you big silly, there hasn´t been a man anywhere near me." "Oh, don´t try to kid me." "If I catch him playin´ around you again, I´ll..." "pulverize him !" " Oh, you´re such a big brute!" "Now, if any of these fellows make any wise cracks to you, just tip me off !" "All right, Daddy dear." "How do you do ?" " [ Laughing ]" " Oh, I beg your pardon." "Rather silly of me, wasn´t it ?" "Now, was that your father ?" " Oh, no." " And he was about to strike you ?" "Well, perhaps he would have, if you hadn´t been here." "Why, the great hulking brute." "You know, I´ve never struck a woman in my life." " You haven´t ?" " Not even my own mother." "Oh, I could see that you were the very soul of kindness." "Oh, I´m very kind, but of course I can be cruel if needs be." " You can !" " [ Chuckling ] Oh, a veritable tiger !" "But you have courage written all over you." " It´s the laundry marks, dear." " [ Laughing ]" "Oh, they´re going to play golf." "Oh, it must be wonderfully romantic and secluded out on the golf course." "Oh, it´s a marvelous game." "I´m going to play this afternoon myself." " Would you like to join me ?" " Ooh, I´d love to !" " Do you play ?" " Oh, no." "I wouldn´t even know which end of the caddy to use." "Oh, but you do know something about it." " [ Dog Landing ]" " Permit me." "Thank you." "[ Girl ] Oh, I just love it out here." " So nice and green and everything." " Yes, it is." "Rather ""park-y"" this morning, though." "I have never been on such a crowded golf course in all my life." "[ Mumbling ]" "You little sissy." "Did you bring a ball with you ?" "Wonderful." "Now, stand clear, and keep your eye on the ball." " Everything is form." " [ Girl Giggling ] Mm-hmm." "This is what they call the ""explosion shot"" from the tee." " [ Screams ]" " It won´t hurt you." "It won´t hurt you at all." " [ Chuckling ] Oh." " Stand clear, boy." "Wrong club." " What ?" " Wrong club." "Try this putting niblick." " A ""putting niblick"" ?" " [ Girl Laughs ]" "Really, the little chap doesn´t understand the nomenclature of the game." "Now, stand clear, boy, and keep your eye on the ball." "[ Coughing ] No, I have it." "It´s all right." "Stand clear." "Stan-- [ Coughing ]" "It´s all right." "Come here." "Stand back here." "He gets all hot and bothered about nothing." "I lost a very dear friend in the Canary Islands many years" "What are you doing with a club like this in the bag ?" "Don´t play with these clubs." "I lost a very dear friend in the Canary Islands many years ago." " How dreadful !" " Chap by the name of Pumphrey Pothelwhistle." " Oh-ho, what a funny name." " Ah, he´s one of the Pothelwhistles from Twickenham." "If you´ve ever been to Twicken" "[ Whining ] Stop that, will you ?" "[ Man ] Fore!" " Whoo !" "Quite a driver !" " Yes, he is." "Yes." "Yes, he is." "Mm." "[ Chuckling ]" "Hmm." "Yeah." "Yes, we lost old Pothelwhistle in the Canary Islands." "He was kicked to death." " Oh, that´s a shame !" " Yes, kicked to death by two infuriated canary birds." " Oh, why is that ?" " Someone had been feeding them meat." "I happ-- Excuse me." "I" " Anything strange about this, love ?" " It does look rather odd." "Yes." "I think the shaft is warped." "Give me another bat." "Ha-ha, that´s better !" " That´s much better." " Yes." " Now, stand clear, boy, and keep your eye on the ball." " [ Rustling ]" "This is what they call ""hitting past the chin,"" as I told you before." " [ Very Loud Rustling ]" " Gives you a remarkable shot." "[ Continues ]" "[ Resumes ]" "[ Resumes, Noisier ]" "What have you got here, after all ?" "A pie !" "Fancy bringing a pie to a golf course." "A pint, yes." "But a pie, never." "Why, it´s like, uh" "It´s like carrying-- carrying, uh... something or other... somewhere or other, as the case may be." "Now, you stand clear and keep your eye on this ball." "[ Coughing ]" "Stand clear, boy." "Keep your eye on the ball." "Stand cl" " Quite a breeze." " Yes, it is quite a breeze." "Yes, there is." "Quite a breeze." "Yes." " Here´s your overcoat." " [ Chuckling ]" "Now, stand clear, boy, and keep your eye on the ball." " [ Shoes Squeaking ]" " As I say, this is ""hitting past the chin.""" " Yes." " [ Squeaking ]" " Hitting as far past the chin as possible." " Mm-hmm." "Never stand close to the ball after you hit it." "[ Squeaking Continues ]" " Sounds like one of those birds that fly backwards." " [ Laughing ]" " Stand clear, boy." "Keep your eye on the ball." " [ Squeaking ]" " [ Squeaking ]" " He´s coming this way." "[ Squeaks ]" "[ Squeaks ]" "[ Squeaks ]" "[ Long, Steady Squeaking ]" "[ Disgusted Sighing ]" " Gives me the creeps." " Me, too." " [ Short, Quick Squeaking ]" " Stop that, you !" "Stop acting" " Stand still." "Now, you stand clear and keep your eye on the ball." "Stand still." "Don´t get moving ´round here with those inhabited feet of yours." "As I was saying, it requires a great deal of quiet nerve..." " [ Squeaking ] - and slow-- [ Grunts ]" "Stand still and keep your eye on the ball." "I´m sorry, dear." "Did I lose my temper, huh ?" "What is it ?" "Ohh !" "Godfrey Daniel." "Tsk, tsk." "[ Mumbling ]" "Wring your neck." "Aah." "Put your foot on that, will you ?" "I wouldn´t have you again with me as a caddy... for all the tea in China." "Tea or coffee or chop suey or whatever it is they have there." "I said I´d like to wring your neck." "Like to wash it first, and then give it a good wring." "Give it a ""wring"" they´d hear for... miles." "Miles." " Would you take that out, please ?" " Oh, yes, of cour" "Thank you." "Put it in there, will you, girl ?" "Thank you." "[ Clicks Tongue ]" " This is really disgusting." " Oh, it´s terrible !" " I´m sorry that you had to see this." " Oh, that´s all right." "[ Mumbling ]" "Now, stand clear and keep your eye on the ball." "[ Whistling Bird Sounds ]" "[ Indistinct, Muffled By Paper ]" "Stand still !" "[ Squeaking ]" " [ Gasps ] Ooh !" " [ Indistinct ]" "Keep your eye on the ball." "Mm-hmm." " Hello, Sheriff." " How are you ?" "The sheriff is looking for Mr. Bellwether." "Ohh." " Well, where is he ?" " He´s out playing golf with your wife." "With my wife ?" "Come on !" "Holy smoke, let´s get him." " There it is." " Huh ?" " There !" " Where ?" " On the end of your club." " Oh" " So it is, so it is !" " Oh, yes !" "What an eye he has." "Now, you stand clear and keep your eye on the ball." " [ Clicks Fingers ]" " Oh, I´ve forgotten something." "Huh ?" "Oh." "Probably forgotten her horse." "Well, I won´t need it anyway." "Won´t need a horse." "Want to ride it" "I won´t need it either !" "Here´s a club for you for short holes." "Now, stand clear, and keep your eye on the ball." "I lost a horse one time." "I forgot him and left him down the Grand Canyon." "Grand Canyon and" "That´s a beautiful camel you have with you." "Crazy about me." "Now, stand clear, boy, and keep-- Don´t stand there." "Don´t you know I´ll smite you on the sconce with this truncheon ?" "[ Chuckling ] He´s standing right-- and go, boom away !" " Great, silly boy. [ Chuckling ] - [ Rustling ]" "[ Groaning ]" "[ Both Laughing ]" " I´ll have to have it reblocked." " Oh, that´s a shame." "Yes." "Thanks !" "Thanks for nothing !" "You stand clear and keep your eye on this ball." "As I was saying, this is ""hitting past the chin.""" " Mm-hmm." " Stand clear, boy." "[ Ripping ]" "[ Ripping ]" "[ Ripping ]" " [ Continues ]" " So it´s you, is it ?" "I´d like to take this club and-  [ Shouts ] I´ll tee that up, dear." " All right." "Now, stand clear and keep your eye on the ball." "Another thing I forgot to tell you was... keep the wrists together." " Never let the wrists separate." "Take the club back slow-- - [ Gunfire ]" "Now, now." "Ooh !" "As I was saying before, you´ve got to keep the wrists close together." "Never let the wrists" "[ Softly ] Keep the wrists close together." "Close together." "Never let the wrists separate." "Keep them close together." "Keep the wrists close together." " Where are my glasses ?" " They´re on your head." "Oh." "Yeah." "Right." " Where´s the newspaper ?" " You´re sitting on it." "Oh." "[ Muttering ]" "Land o´ goshen." "Another baby." "Up until May, uh-huh." "Say, [ Chuckles ] that´s a funny one." " Look." " Fifty pounds, and chop it fine." """Mrs. Unclebeck--"" What do you mean," """fifty pounds and chop it fine"" ?" " Oh, I thought you were Arthur." " Who´s Arthur ?" "He´s the man I intend to marry." "Oh, well don´t tell me anything about it." "I´m only your father." "I can read it in the newspaper." "What does he do ?" " Well, he´s the iceman." " An iceman ?" " Yeah, he goes to college." "He´s a Cornell man." " [ Man ] Iceman !" " Red Grange was an iceman." " He´s still an iceman, as far as I´m concerned." "Put it down there and get out." "Okay." "Go." "And stay out." "Now, you´re so smart." "How are you going to get it in the icebox ?" "I´ll put it in myself." "Listen, don´t ever do that-- that to me !" "[ Joints Creaking ]" "[ Grunting ]" "Oh, God." "[ Grunting ]" "[ Phone Ringing ]" " Hello, hello, hello." " [ Boiling ]" "No, he´s not in." " Oh, hello, Frobisher." " I´ve been waiting for ya !" "I´ll meet you on the first tee." "Hurry up over." "Okay, Charlie." "Okay." "I´ll be over in a half a tick." "Okay." "All right." " [ Woman ] Did you put the ice in the icebox ?" " Yeah." " How´ d you do it ?" " It was easy." " Where are my golf clubs ?" " In your golf bag." " Yeah, but where is the golf... bag ?" " [ Clattering ]" " You just fell over it." " Yeah." "I see that." "Look at that." "Look at that." "Look at that." "Look at that." "I don´t know." "Where did that good old driver go ?" "Oh, that´s enough." " What´s my first appointment this morning ?" " Miss Pepitone, at 1 0:30." "Well, I just have time for 1 8 holes." " Where´s my cap ?" " You never wear any." " Oh, yeah." "That´s right." " Where´s the ice ?" " In the icebox !" " There´s just a little piece left." "Now I´ll have to get some more." "Keep that iceman out of here." "I´m gonna order a Frigidaire." " That´s mine." " Oh, yeah." "Well, we can´t look for it all day." "We´ve been at it twenty minutes now, and I got to get back to the office at half past ten." " I´m gonna drop another ball." " Okay, drop another." "If it isn´t unfair to either of you gentlemen," " I can tell you where the ball is." " Where ?" "Under that leaf." "Thanks." """If it isn´t unfair to either of us."" We´ve been looking for the ball 20 minutes." " Fore !" " I´d wait a minute." "They´re still on the green." "Well, let ´em get out of the way." " [ Chord, Rising In Pitch ]" " This is certainly a great game for your health." """A ball lying in a sprinkler connection... may be dropped without penalty, no nearer the hole.""" "Get those teeth out of there too." "They´re right in my line." " Two." " You can´t do that !" "What do you mean, I can´t do it ?" "Read the card." " You had one strok" " Dropped in the wa" " Wha" " Don´t." " You had two strokes" " Don´t quibble." "Don´t quibble." "Don´t quibble." " Snappy little hole." "Don´t you think so ?" " Yes, it is." "Give me the mashie niblick." "Mashie niblick-- Oh, thanks." "Fore !" "Fore !" "What are they doing ?" "Having a basket party over there ?" "[ Ducks Quacking ]" "Get rid of those ducks." "[ Angry Muttering ]" "Don´t stand there !" "Stand over here !" "Those ducks are throwin´ me off." "Over again." "Don´t stand behind me when I´m shooting !" " You told me to stand over there, sir." " Never mind where I told you to stand." "You stand where I tell ya." "That kid´s so dumb he doesn´t know what time it is." " Say, by the way, what time is it ?" " I don´t know." " 1 0:1 5." " Shut up, will ya ?" "Now, stand clear and keep your eye on the ball." "Oh, wait." "You can´t do that." "What do you mean I can´t do that ?" "I can do anything I want to do." "You can take this golf course and..." " Hello,Joe." " Hiya, Doc." " How about a little golf?" " Ah, just threw my clubs away." " [ Chuckles ] What, again ?" " The funniest thing happened." "I´m takin´ my second stroke." "I bean an old geezer on the sconce with my ball." "Right near the green." "It was headed for the pin." "The ball rolls back into a water connection." "I pick it up, drop it over my shoulder, it dribbles down into the hole !" " I´m down in two." " Well, uh" "What do you mean, ""Well"" ?" "They gave me the same argument." "I´m down in two." "Look at the back of the card." "They wanted me to do it over again, after I had a fine drop." "[ Muttering ]" " Where´s the soap ?" " [ Nurse ] It´s in your hand." "Huh ?" "Oh." "[ Chuckling ]" "[ Crying, Moaning ]" " How ´bout tomorrow, Doc ?" " Uh, what time ?" " Oh, about" " No, I won´t be able to go." " Why not ?" " I´m going duck shooting." " Well, I´ll run along" " Say, boy." "You should have been there." " What ?" " I took this mashie niblick, see-  [ Woman Howling In Pain ]" " I hit this straight shot for the pin." "It beans this old geezer." " Down into the water connection it goes." "Coming back-- - [ Screaming In Pain ]" "Oh, to hell with her!" " Drops into the water connection, I pick it up... and drop it over my shoulder and down into the hole it goes !" " Well, I´ll give you a ring tomorrow, Doc." " Okay." "Were they burned up !" "You could have fried eggs on the back of his neck." " [ Woman Screams ]" " Send her in." "How do you do ?" "Will you sit down ?" " [ Whimpers ]" " Put it in here, please." "You won´t hurt my leg, will you ?" "My doctor says I have a very bad leg." "Your doctor is off his nut." "I don´t believe in doctors, anyway." "There´s a doctor lives right down the street here." "Treated a man for yellow jaundice for nine years, and then found out he was a Jap." " You know, a little dog bit me the other day." " Dr. Coolataw." "He bit me right here." " Dog bit you ?" " Yes." "It was a little dachshund." " Oh, yeah." " A little tiny dog, but he sneaked up behind me... and bit me right like that !" "You´re rather fortunate it wasn´t a Newfoundland dog that bit you." "Will you sit down ?" " Shall I use gas ?" " Well, gas or electric light." "I´d feel nervous to have you fool around me in the dark." "[ Chuckling ]" "Come on, this isn´t gonna hurt now." "I just want to look in there." "[ Wailing ]" " [ Wailing Continues ] - [ Riveting ]" "[ Hysterical Wailing ]" "[ Screaming ]" " It´s not gonna hurt." "Come on, come on." " [ Wailing ]" "[ Panting ]" "[ Clears Throat ] Come on." "Come on, now." "I´ll try not to be so cruel this time." "Come on." "Come on !" "[ Screaming ] Ow !" " Oh, Doctor, I can´t let you do that again !" "Oh !" " Hmm." " Tell her I´m out." " But, Doctor, she has a 3:00 appointment." "I wouldn´t care if she had a 4:00 appointment." "Boy, when I was in Darjeeling, oh, it was tigers-- [ Muttering ]" "What ?" "Tell her I´m out !" "Go on out there and tell her I´m out." "How do you do ?" "How are ya ?" "We´ve been waiting for you." "[ Chuckles ]" "Sit down." "When I tell ya to go out and tell one of these palookas... that I´m out, go out and tell them I´m out." "Don´t have these buzzards walk in on me." "I" " When I don´t want to see ´em, I don´t" "[ Whispering ] When I don´t wanna see ´em, I don´t wanna see ´em." "Don´t stand there and look at me that way." "Now, I´m" "[ Squeaks ]" "[ Squeaks ]" "[ Penny-Whistle, Descending In Tone ]" "You just come in for the ride ?" "Haven´t I seen your face somewhere before ?" "Oh, probably you´ve seen me at the horse show." "Jockey ?" " Sir." "Mm." "Oh, yeah." "Can you open your mouth ?" "Come on now." "You´ve got a bigger mouth than that." "Open up." "Mm." "Oh, beautiful !" "Yeah." "Hand me that 404 circular buzz saw, will you ?" "Dropping, dropping Dropping, dropping" "Is that a 4-0-4 conical you´ve given me ?" "Ah." "[ Humming ]" "[ Electric Saw Sound ]" "[ Humming Continues ]" "[ Sawing Continues ]" "There you are." "Now, that didn´t hurt, did it ?" "[ Moaning ]" "I knew it wouldn´t hurt you." "Uh, here." "Give me that packing, please." "[ Whistling ] Thank you." "[ Moaning ]" "[ Humming ]" "Put that tin there and just stuff it in her mouth." "Pardon me for just a moment." "You wouldn´t let Arthur come here to see me, so I´m going to see him." "[ Softly ] You´re gonna do nothing of the kind." "Excuse me a moment, folks !" "Get up there." "Come on." "Get up there." "Get up there!" "Hyah !" "And stay in there." "Now, what do you think of that ?" "[ Door Banging Shut ]" "[ Banging ]" " [ Speaking With Cotton In Mouth ] - [ Banging Continues ]" " Keep you waiting ?" " [ Sighing, Muttering ]" "You said a mouthful, there." "Open it--just a moment, there." " [ Banging Continues ]" " All your lines busy ?" "[ Garbled Speaking ]" "[ Banging From Above Continues ]" "[ Porcelain Rattling ]" "[ Rattling Intensifies ]" "Why, it came out easily, didn´t it ?" "Yes, it did." "Yes, it did." " It surprised me." " [ Banging Continues ]" "Open wide." "Open wide." "[ Coughs ]" "Uh, excuse me just a" " Open that door !" " I can´t." "You locked me in." " Where´s the key ?" " In your pocket." "Huh ?" "Oh." "[ Mumbling ]" " [ Door Slamming ]" " Stop it." " [ Screams ]" " Shh !" "Shh !" "Stay there." "There are people downstairs." " Any patients ?" "Huh ?" " Miss Macy." "Oh." "Oh, yes." "[ Clearing Throat ]" "[ Whistling Tunelessly ]" "[ Humming ]" "[ Singing, Indistinct ]" " Have you ever had this tooth pulled before ?" " No !" "This won´t hurt you..." "much." "[ Grunting ]" "Get your foot out of the-- Get it out !" "Janice, help !" "[ Pants ] Thank you." "Whew !" " [ Exhales ] I´m gonna give her gas." " Ooh !" "Not gonna pull me all around the floor." "Ow !" " [ Sighs Deeply ]" " Relax." "Would you like a drink ?" " What is it ?" " Water." "No, thanks." " [ Banging ]" " Stop !" " [ Continues ]" " Cease." "Well, it won´t be long now." " That female wrestler gone ?" " Yes, she´s gone." "Is he standing in a hole ?" "No, he´s just a little fella." "Hmm." "Send him in." "I´ll fix him." "This way, please." "How do you do ?" "How´s everything up in Moscow ?" "Got two strikes on the boys, eh ?" "Will you sit down ?" "[ Slide-Whistle, Long Descending Note ]" "Thank you." "I can´t find his mouth." "Hand me that stethoscope, will you ?" "Thanks." "Will you say ""ahh "" please ?" " Ahh." "Ahh !" "Ahh !" " Again ?" "Again ?" " I almost had it." "Ag-Again ?" " Ahh." " Ha." "Ohh. [ Indistinct ]" " Ahh." "Ahh." "Ahh." "Ah, I got it here !" "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." "And a very pretty thing too." "[ Chuckles ] Yes." "Let me see, now." "Hand me that drill." "Thank you." "Now, just open your mouth." " This can´t hurt." "Okay." " [ Roaring, Buzzing ]" "You can´t say that hurt you." "[ Buzzing Continues ]" " [ Sighs ] - [ Birds Cawing, Wings Flapping ]" "[ Gunshot ]" "Doctor, your daughter is going out with the iceman." " Don´t be silly." "I got her locked in the room." " But they´re using a ladder." " Where do you think you´re going ?" " That´s him !" " So, you´re they guy that hit my father on the head." " Wanna make anything out of it ?" " I´d like to see you do that again." " Is it necessary to do it again ?" "No, it isn´t !" "Father, you´re not really going to buy a Frigidaire, are you ?" "Fifty pounds, and make it snappy." "[ Wind Howling ]" "[ Knocking ]" " Who´s thar ?" " Officer Postlewhistle of the Canadian Mounted." " Hello, officer." " Good evening, Mr. Snavely." " Is it still snowing´ ?" " I don´t know." "To tell you the truth, I never looked." " Did you get your man ?" " Not yet, but I got my eye on ´im." "Well, that´s somethin´." " You pulling´ out ?" " Figurin´ on goin´ over the Rim tonight." "How´s your son Chester ?" "You heared from him lately ?" "I ain´t a-heared from Chester... it´ll be a year, come Michaelmas." "I was thinkin´ of the song that you writ about him." "I wanted to sing it to my wife last night." "You know, we got a boy just about Chester´s age... who´s got a hankerin´ to go to the city." " Have you got your dulcimer here ?" " Yes, I have, officer." "I wonder if you would mind singing´ me that song." "I´d be tickled to death." "You´ll have to excuse me, though, if my voice isn´t just right." "You know, we can´t get any ipecac up in this part of the country." "Go right ahead, Mr. Snavely." "You won´t consider me rude if I play with my mitts on, will you ?" "Not at all, Mr. Snavely." "Not at all." "[ Tuneless ]" "There was once a poor boy" "And he left his country home" "And he came to the city to look for work" "He promised his ma and pa" "He would lead a sinless life" "And always shun the fatal curse of drink" "Once in the city" "He got a situation in a quarry" "And there he made the acquaintance" "Of some college students" "He little thought they were demons" "For they wore the best of clothes" "But good clothes do not always make the gentleman" "So they tempted him to drink" "And they said he was a coward" "Until at last he took The fatal glass of beer" "When he found what he´ d done" "He dashed the glass upon the floor" "And he staggered through the door" "With delirium tremens" "Once upon the sidewalk" "He met a Salvation Army girl" "And wickedly he broke her tambourine" "All she said was ""Heaven" """Heaven bless you""" "And placed a mark upon his brow" "With a kick she´ d learned" "Before she had been saved" "Now, as a moral to young men" "Who come down to the city" "Don´t go ´round breaking people´s tambourines" "[ Sobbing ] That certainly is a sad song." "[ Weeping Uncontrollably ]" "Don´t cry, constable." "It is a sad song." "My Uncle Ichabod said, speaking´ of the city," """It ain´t no place for women, gal, but pretty men go thar.""" "[ Sobbing ]" "He always said somethin´ to make you split your sides a-laughin´." " [ Continues Sobbing ]" " Comical old gentleman he was." "Well, I think I´ll be a-hightailin´ it over the Rim." " [ Wind Howling ]" " And it ain´t a fit night out for man nor beast." "[ Mountie Sobbing Quietly ]" "Otto !" "[ Barking ]" "Ahh !" "Hee !" "Otto, mush !" "Otto !" "[ Shouts ]" "Otto !" "Mush !" "Mush !" " Hee!" " [ Barking ]" "Otto !" "Mush !" "March !" "March !" "[ Gagging ] Tastes more like corn flakes." "March !" "March !" "Hee!" "[ Barking, Whining ]" " [ Wind Howling ]" " And it ain´t a fit night out for man nor beast." "[ Bellowing ] Hullo-wah !" "Hello there !" "Hello !" "[ In Normal Voice ] Hello." " How, Mr. Snavely ?" " How, Chief." " How." " And how." " Vamoose !" " [ Both Grunting ]" " Oom-scray." " [ Grunting ]" " Lamb." " [ Grunting ]" "It ain´t a fit night out for man nor beast." "And it´s been a-stormin´ for almost a ""fort-nit.""" " [ Woman ] Who´s thar?" " It´s me, Ma." "Did you find any gold down at the gulf, Pa ?" "I found that ""nougat."" It be on the table." "A ""nougat."" A golden ""nougat.""" "Just what you been a-combin´ them thar hills for for nigh on to 30 years." "It must be worth almost a hundred dollars." "Help to pay off the mortgage on the old shack." "Has that pill from Medicine Hat been here again ?" " Yes, and he wants more money." " Rot his hide." "He wants more money, and if he don´t get it, he´ll take our malamute." " He won´t take old Bozo, my lead dog." " Why not, Pa ?" "´Cause I ´et him." "You ´et him ?" "He was mighty good with mustard." "We was a-mushing over Blind Nag Rim last night." "I got mighty hungry." "You better take your mukluks off, Pa." "Captain Pepitone of the Canadian Mounted... smuggled a police dog across the border for you." "Smuggled a police dog across the border for me ?" "Yes, and he says for you to keep it under your hat." " How big is it ?" " About so high." "He´s crazy." "Pa, it´s just three years today... since they put our dear son in jail for stealing them thar bonds." " And I know he never stole ´em." " Sure he never stole ´em." "Our Chester never stole nothin´, from nobody." "Hardly ever." "Do you think he´ll come heading´ for home... when they turn him loose from that plagued jail ?" " I reckon, guess and calculate he will, Ma." " [ Knocking At Door ]" "Who´s thar ?" "Chester !" "Our son back again !" " My own-- - [ Scraping ]" " Chester, my darling boy !" " Chester !" "[ Wind Howling ]" "It ain´t a fit night out for man or beast." "[ Ma Crying ]" "Don´t cry, Ma." "We got our son back again, ain´t we ?" "Welcome home, Chester." "Thank you, Pa." "I don´t suppose we´ll have him with us long." "Once the city gets into a boy´s system, he loses his hankering´ for the country." " Sit down, Chester." " Thank you, Pa." " Will you have some soup, Chester ?" " That´s my soup, Ma." "[ Weeping ]" "Hand me that bread I was dunking´, will ya ?" "Thanks." "Dad, I ain´t ever gonna leave the old farm again." " I´ve come back here to stay with you and Ma, - [ Crunch ] and I ain´t ever gonna leave again." "[ Ma, Chester Crying ]" "[ Crying ]" "It´s so good to see you both again." "And I´m so glad to be back home with you and Ma that I can´t talk." "I´d like to go to my little bedroom... and lay on the bed and cry like I was a baby again." "[ Crying Continues ]" "Thar, thar." "Go to your room and have a good cry, dear." "I know how you feel." "I feel so tired, I think I´ll go to bed." "Why don´t you lie down and take a little rest first, Chester ?" " Well, good night, Pa." " Good night, Chester." " Good night, Ma." " Good night, Chester." " Sleep well, Chester." " Thank you, Pa." "You too." " Thank you, Chester." " Sleep well, Chester." " Thank you, Ma." "You sleep well." " Thank you." "Don´t forget to open the window a bit." " Don´t forget to open yours a bit, Pa." " I won´t, son." "Yes, don´t forget to open your window a bit, Chester." " Put yours up a bit, too, Ma ?" " Good night, Chester." " Good night, Chester." " Good night, Pa." " Good night." " Good night." "Good night, Chester." "I think I´ll go out and milk the elk." "Don´t forget your moose horn, Pa." "Thank you, Ma." "It ain´t a fit night out for man or beast." "Lida." "Lida, honey." "Papa´s calling." "Yoo-hoo !" "Papa´s calling ya." " [ Blaring ]" " Lida !" "[ Blaring ]" "My old embouchure ain´t what it used to be." "[ Short Blare ]" "[ Blaring ]" "Hello, Lida." "Hello, Li-- Say, Elmer, have you seen Lida ?" "Tell her Mr. Snavely wants" "Hello, Li" " Certainly a bright moonlight night tonight." "Hello, Li-- [ Clears Throat ]" "Hello, Lida." "Hey, Lida !" "It´s me !" "Come here !" "Don´t you know me ?" "Mr. Snavely." "Battered old hide." "Chester, did you steal them bonds ?" "Yes, Ma, I stole them bonds." "I was a bank messenger, and they caught me fair and square." "I wasn´t framed." "I knowed you stole ´em, but I never would admit it to your father." "If he thought you stole ´em, it would break his poor old heart." "Never tell him any different." " Good night, Chester." " Good night, Ma." "And it ain´t a fit night out... for man or beast." "Has Chester gone to bed yet, Ma ?" "I don´t think so, Pa." " Chester ?" " Yes, Pa ?" " Can I speak to you a minute, son ?" " Yes, Pa." "Chester, did you steal them bonds ?" "I knowed you stole ´em, son, but I never would admit it to your mother." "She thinks you´re innocent." "You must never tell her any different." "If she thought you stole ´em, it would break her poor old heart." "Oh, it´s so good to be home, Dad." "I´m gonna stay here now with you and Ma for all time." "Chester, have you any of them bonds on you... or any of that money ?" "No, Dad, I ain´t got any of them bonds on me." "And I took that tainted money and threw it away." "And you came back... to me and mother." " Yes, Pa." " Hmm." "To sponge on us the rest of your life, you block" "You lug !" "Get out of here !" "Get out... you tramp, you !" "Get out of here !" "And it ain´t a fit night out for man or beast." "Get out of here !" "Get out of here !" "Stop that !" "Do you wanna break that machine ?" "[ Boys Together ] How do you do, Mr. Dilweg ?" "It doesn´t matter how I do." "Get out of here." " Hello ?" " Hello." "Oh, it´s you." " Where have you been ?" " At the firehouse." " Playing contact bridge with the firemen." " Did you win ?" "What kind we do with hose cart ?" "I sold the hook and ladder to a couple of drunken painters." " Anybody been here since I´ve been gone ?" " Yes, about 50 people." " What did they want ?" " Stamps." "Do you know since I´ve had that big electric sign painted, our stamp business has picked up 1 00 percent ?" " What do they want ?" " They´ve been here since you left about 1 0:00 this morning." "And they haven´t made a single move in three and one half hours." "Why don´t you get them out of here ?" "They never buy anything." "They just borrow matches all day." "[ Coughing ]" "You better come up and get your dinner." "Soup´s on the table." "Coming right away, dear." "Coming right away." "[ Whistling ]" " How about a cocktail ?" " They´re already mixed." " All you have to do is put in the ice." " Oh, good." " Hello, Pop." " Hello." "Don´t do that." " Will ya stop it ?" " What´s the matter, Pop ?" "Don´t you love me ?" " Certainly I love you." " What are you doing ?" "She´s not gonna tell me I don´t love her." " Here." "You wanna play ?" " Goody." "Whew !" "Remind me to order some more stamps tomorrow, will ya ?" " That´s fine." "That´s fine." "That´s enough." " I wanna do it some more." " Let go, will ya ?" " Oh, let me do it just a minute, Pop." "Listen, will you stop it ?" "Gee, let me do it." "Is Papa´s little angel going to sit down ?" "Won´t Papa´s little doll baby sit down ?" "Or will Papa bust her sconce in with" "What do you mean ?" "Have you gone crazy ?" "Sit down and behave yourself." "Oh, gee whiz." "Mom, what´s technocracy ?" " Ask your father, dear." " Pop, what´s technocracy ?" "Uh, yes, indeedy." "That´s, uh" "Say, will you eat your soup and stop asking silly questions." " [ Popping Gum ]" " And stop that." "Aw, gee, I like to pop it." "One more pop, and I´ll pop you in the eye." "That´s pretty." "I have a chewing gum olive, and she makes a martini out" " Get out of here !" "Oh, gee, I´m hungry." "Why don´t you learn that kid some manners ?" "Teach, my dear." "Teach." "And it might be a good example if you would take your hat off." "I have hay fever." "Another thing is, there´s no top in it." "That doesn´t matter." "She´s eating the canary bird !" " Godfrey Daniel !" " Get into that room" "Wait a minute." "Not yet." " My ear !" " Aren´t you ashamed of yourself?" "Aren´t you ashamed of yourself?" " Go over there and behave yourself." " Sit down there." "Oh, gee, Mom." "Yeah, just ´cause I´m a little girl, you hit me." " Pick on somebody your own size." " Don´t be insolent to your father." "She should see me down at the firehouse rassling with them firemen." "I take six or eight of them, throw ´em over my head and backwards." "[ Raspberry ]" "Well, three, anyway." "Who taught that parrot to do that ?" " [ Coughs ]" " Stop it." " [ Coughing ]" " Stop it." "Stop it." "What did you want to eat a canary bird for anyway ?" "[ Coughs ] I couldn´t help it." " Hello, kiddo." " Hello, Leana." " Where have you been ?" " Cuthbert and I have been to the Blue Ballroom." "Cuthbert, that sissy." "How do you know ?" "Why, you´ve never even seen him." "I don´t have to see him." "I never knew a Cuthbert that wasn´t a sissy." "When I went to school as a kid, I licked every kid in school named Cuthbert." " [ Snickering ]" " Shh." "That kid´s getting awfully fresh." "[ Phone Rings ]" "If that´s for me, I´m taking a bath." "I´ll call ´em up later." "Hello ?" "Oh, hello, Cuthbert." " Am I surprised, Cuthbert." " Am I." "No, Cuthbert." "Really, Cuthbert ?" "Well, who told you that, Cuthbert ?" "Somebody would have to tell him." " He´d never find it out himself." " Really, Cuthbert ?" "Oh, Cuthbert." "Oh, Cuthbert, that´s very, very funny." "Yeah, tell it to us." "Make us laugh too." " Well, am I surprised, Cuthbert." " Yeah, you´d be surprised." " Well, tell me some more about it, Cuthbert." " Oh, this is getting too much." "Tell him more." "She´s been talking for an hour." "Stop her." "Oh, that´ll be fine, Cuthy." "Cuthy." "It´s Cuthy now." " Be Cuth in a minute, okay ?" " You´re so cute, Cuthy." " Yeah, I´ll bet he´s cute." " You did, Cuthbert ?" " Mm-hmm." " Oh, yes, Cuthbert." " Will you make her stop, please ?" " She can´t be rude, dear." " Yes, I would, Cuthbert." " You would, huh ?" " Surely, Cuthbert." " Yeah." "Yes, Cuth." "Tomorrow." " I tell ya, she´s making me sick." " [ Phone Rings ]" "That´s good." "I´m glad I have to go downstairs." "All right." "Sure I will." "[ Ringing ]" "Hello ?" "Yes." "Yes." "This is Dilweg´s Drugstore." "Yeah, Mr. Dilweg speaking." "What´s that ?" "Box of cough drops ?" "Uh-huh." "Yeah, I know what kind you mean." "Yeah, the gentleman with the whiskers, one on each side, yeah." "Yeah." "Uh, no." "No, I´m very sorry." "We can´t split a box." "No." "Yes, oh, yes, we can deliver them." "Yes." "Uh-huh." "Where is it ?" "Uh-huh." "Eighteen miles straight out on route 96." "Turn to route 1 3 and four and a half miles." "Yeah, yeah, all right." "All right." "A box of cough drops." "Yes, yes." "We can deliver them this afternoon." "Yes." "Uh-huh." "I´ll send our truck out with them right away." "[ Chuckling ] Yes." "All right." "Good-bye." "Just sold another box of cough drops." "Sit down in your chair properly." " What do you mean up on your knees ?" " I can´t do nothin´." "Cuthbert !" "[ Laughing ]" "Oh, you silly thing, you." "[ Ringing ]" "There goes those chimes again." "I gotta go downstairs." "Yes, Cuthbert." " How do you do ?" " How do you do ?" "Is there a lady in attendance here ?" " Huh ?" " Is there a lady in attendance here ?" "Oh." "Uh, yes, yes." "Yes, yes." "I´ll be right down." "She´ll be right down." "Thank you." "Hurry up downstairs, dear." "There are two ladies that won´t let me wait on ´em." "They want a lady to wait on ´em." " I simply can´t go down there." " They won´t tell me what they want." " You sit there and eat." " I´ll go down, Pop." " Will you hurry up ?" " Well, if I´m going to clerk in the drugstore," "I´ll simply have to get some decent-looking clothes first." "Hurry up, dear." "We´re gonna lose their trade." "She´ll be down in half a moment." "You read Mother India ?" "Sex Life of the Polyp ?" "The Grover Boys in Newsome ?" "Cake a la mode." "Fresh every Tuesday." "A rather amusing little beggar." "Just a little fly speck, that´s all." "[ Rattling ]" "Old Moscow in the winter." "Could I interest you in a stamp ?" " Yeah, give me a stamp." " Oh." "No." "Give me a purple one." "Well, I´m sorry." "We haven´t any purple ones." "I could paint one for you." "I don´t want a painted one." "A person hasn´t got any rights in this country anymore." "The government even tells you..." " what color stamps you gotta buy." " Yeah, it´s pretty tough." "That´s the Democratic Party for you." "I´ve written to Washington about it." "What do you wanna write to Washington for ?" "He´s dead." "[ Laughing ]" " How much are your stamps ?" " Three cents." " All right." "Give me one." " Oh, thank you." "No." "Don´t give me that dirty one." "Give me a clean one." "Give me the one out of the middle." "Well" "[ Whistling ]" "[ Humming ]" "Sorry to keep you waiting." "[ Humming Continues ]" "Pardon my fingers." "Is that all right ?" " Ah, shall we send it ?" " No, I´ll take it along." "Oh, yes." " Huh ?" " You got change for a hundred dollars ?" "No." "I´m very sorry." "I haven´t." " I´ll pay you the next time I come in." "Just a moment." "Just a moment." "We´re giving these little souvenirs away with every purchase." "Well" "We won´t be able to wait much longer." "Oh, uh-- uh-- uh-- uh, she´ll be down, uh-- she´ll be down." "She´ll be right down." "Just, uh" " She won´t--Just wait" "She´ll be right down." "Uh, where´s your, uh" " Oh, I´ d love to, Cuthbert." " Dear" " Close the door and get out of here." "I´m coming right down." " Hurry up." "Those old ladies are getting very impatient." "We´re gonna lose their trade." "[ Giggles ] Oh, Cuthbert." " Oh, I think that´d be lovely." " [ Raspberry ]" "That´s right." "Eat your spinach." "Eat your spinach." "She´ll be right down now." "Coming now." "What can I do for you ?" "Is there a ladies restroom here ?" "Yes." "Right over there." " The first door on your left." " Thank you." "You fool !" "Why didn´t you tell them ?" " They didn´t ask me anything about it" " Ohh !" "They never did tell me." "How you gonna know if" "How do you do, sir ?" "How are you ?" "What can I do for you ?" "Huh ?" "[ Coughing ]" "[ Coughing Continues ]" "Certainly not." "You don´t think I´d break the laws... of this great and grand and glorious United States of ours... just to satisfy your depraved tastes ?" "A thousand no´s." "I´ve never had or sold a bottle of liquor since I´ve opened this place." "No ?" "Well, you´re not fooling me." " I´ll get you yet." " Huh ?" "Maybe and maybe not." "He looked a little screwy when he came in here." "Did I understand you to say you were giving souvenirs away." " Oh, Mother." " No, that´s all right." "Yes, that´s all right." "Yes, we are, here." " Here." " Oh, thank you." "Oh, Mother, isn´t it lovely ?" " Aren´t you glad I asked ?" " Would you like one ?" " Oh, you´re so kind." " Oh, that´s quite all right." "Thank you so much." "Aren´t they gorgeous ?" " Whenever you want any stamps, don´t forget us." " Thank you." "We won´t." "I´ve been in the same place 1 5 years now." "I control all the stamp business in this neighborhood." "What, more stamps ?" "Is she blotto or not ?" "[ People Chattering ]" "Yeah, some smelling salts." "Just crack that bottle off." " That´s right." " Everything´s free here." "If anybody´s hurt, it´s all right." "I don´t know who she is." "Yeah, she´s liable to get diphtheria there." " Where am I ?" " Uh, Dilweg´s Drug Company." " Mr. Dilweg here." " What happened ?" " I don´t know." " [ Screams ]" " That horrible man again." " I never saw her in all my life." " Get her some whiskey." "Get whiskey." " Uh" "[ Gunshots ]" " [ Gunshots Continue ] - [ Women Screaming ]" "[ Gunshots, Whistle Blowing ]" " [ Ringing ] - [ Gunshots Continue ]" "Hello ?" "Hello ?" "Yeah." "Uh-huh." "Mrs. Riggensmith ?" "Those cough drops haven´t arrived?" "Oh, I´m very sorry." "Oh, I´m very sorry, yes." "They´ll be there any minute." "I sent them out at 3.:00 this afternoon on our truck, yeah." "Good-bye." "Good-bye, Mrs. Riggensmith." "Wait a minute, dear." "There´s so much noise out here," "I can´t hear a word you say." "There." "I want you to meet a very wonderful young man." " Mr. Smith, this is Mrs. Dilweg." " How do you do ?" "Oh, dear, come here." "I want you to meet a very wonderful and brave young man." "He´s just saved my life." " This is my daughter." "Mr. Smith." " Cuthbert !" "Oh, Leana !" "I wanna meet Cuthbert !" "Ha ha ha." "Listen, dear, go upstairs and eat your pogo." " Then you can jump on your spinach after." "Go !" " I wanna meet Cuthbert." "[ Man #1 ] Pretty good town you got here." "[ Man #2 ] You bet we have." "A public library and the largest insane asylum in the state." "Come on, Joe." "Let her down." "All right, all right." "Slack it up." "They sure were great fights last night, O´Hare." "Yes, they were, yeah." "Never saw better fights in my life." " I got a kick out of them." " So did I. So did I." "Fought like a couple of dressmakers." "I see fights like that, I feel like getting back into condition... and getting into the fight game myself again." "Ah, that´s better." "Hello, O´Hare." "What do you know ?" "Not a thing." "Not a thing." "That lug tells his wife everything he knows." "Don´t tell him anything." " Good morning, Mr. O´Hare." " Good morning, Mrs. Coggins." " How´s Mr. Coggins ?" " He´s not so well this morning." "Oh, that´s unfortunate." "I´m sorry to hear that." " I´m worried about him." " Yeah, I am too." "He was out on one of his benders last night again." "Boy, how he can drink that raw alcohol and live I don´t know." "Fine mayor he is." "Get out." "Get out." "Get out." "Get out." "Get out of here." "All I gotta do all day long is paint that bowl ?" "Pop, Ma says to come up and get your vittles right away." "Get my vittles ?" "I´ll be right with you, Ronald." " Pop, you wanna hear a riddle ?" " I´d love to hear a riddle." " Why is a cat´s tail like a long journey ?" " I´m afraid you have me, Ronald." " Why is a cat´s tail like a long journey ?" " ´Cause it´s far to the end." "Oh, Ronald very good." "Absolutely sidesplitting." " Sit down and eat your dinner." " What, no meat ?" "Vegetables contain more minerals." "Pop, you wanna hear another cat riddle ?" "Yes, I would, Ronald." "I´d love to." "What looks most like a cat looking out of a window ?" "I don´t know." "What looks most like a domestic feline... contentedly gazing from the window ?" "I´ll tell you, Pop, what looks most like a cat looking out of a window." "Another cat looking in." "Oh, very good, Ronald." "Very good." "Eat your spinach." "Eat your spinach." "Eat your spinach." " Pop, would you like to hear another riddle ?" " Don´t encourage him." "Eat your carrots." "Dear, that shows he´s awfully smart." "Mr. Lincoln used to tell riddles." "That, as much as anything else, made him the wonderful president that he was." "Pop, why is a load of hay like a mouse ?" "Don´t." "My poor brain." "He gives me skull pains with these terrible riddles." "Do you know why a load of hay is like a mouse ?" "No, Ronald, I do not." "I´ve never noticed a similarity between a small rodent... and a large amount of horse´s provender." "Why does... a small rodent resemble a load of hay ?" "´Cause a cat´ll eat it." "[ Laughing ]" "Cat´ll eat it ?" "Cat´ll eat it ?" "Very good, Ronald." "Very" "Eat your spinach." "Eat your spinach." " [ Man ] Hey, where are you ?" " Yeah ?" "Coming, coming." "Coming, coming, coming, coming." " Hey, where are you ?" " Coming, coming, coming, coming." "I´m coming." "Hello." "I hear you wanna to buy a fiddle." "Oh, no." "I have Lena here." "I´m perfectly satisfied with her." "Oh." "But him is a fine fiddle." "He may be a fine fiddle, but I get very sweet music out of Lena." "Then somebody told me that you wanna buy a fiddle." "Two weeks ago I did." "But I had Lena all fixed up... and I´m perfectly satisfied with her now." " And me push him for three miles." " Oh, I´m sorry about that." "Hey, hey, can I keep him here till I come back from work ?" "Surely." "Put him right in the corner here." " That´s fine." " Put him right in there." " That´s okay." "That´s fine." " Take good care of him." " I´ll take good care of him." " So long." "Good-bye." "[ Muttering ]" "How do you do, Miss Sharp ?" " Have a nice lunch ?" " Yes." "I had a wonderful steak at the lunch counter." "Steak." "I love meat." "But we never have it at our house." "My wife´s a vegetarian." "All we have is vegetables." "Say, I was practicing last night on Lena out in the garage." "And I think I got that down fine now." " Would you mind listening to it ?" " Oh, I´d love to." "[ Beating Cello Like A Drum ]" " You like that ?" " I think it´s sweet." "Yeah, I think it´s much better than it was." "Isn´t it funny ?" "My wife doesn´t think it´s music." "Guess she just has no ear for it." "Here´s the other one." "This is the second motif." "[ Same ]" "That´s more difficult that way when you have to move your hands around that way." "Howdy do, sir ?" "Will you sit down ?" " Manicure ?" " No." " Haircut or shave ?" " Yeah." " I beg your pardon." "Isn´t your name Flogg ?" " Yeah." "I thought so." "I didn´t recognize your face when you first came in." "No, it´s all healed up since I was in here last." "Oh, Mr. O´Hare," "I see they´re offering a $ 2,000 reward... for that bandit who robbed the bank in Cucamonga City." "Two thousand dollars." "I´d like to get that dough." "If I wasn´t so busy, I´d go over and choke that guy to death." "I´d teach him not to rob banks in and around [ Grunts ] City." "Oh, Mr. O´Hare, did you know you had your hat on backwards ?" " I beg your pardon ?" " Did you know you had your hat on backwards ?" "Oh, no." "Thank you very much." "I had it on backwards day before yesterday... and a friend of mine came up and kicked me in the stomach." "[ Singing ]" "[ Boy ] Joe, don´t miss it!" "[ Singing Continues ]" "Be careful, boys." "Be careful." "Throw it out here, Mr. O´Hare!" "I haven´t thrown a spitball since I was first line pitcher on the Baltimore Orioles." "All right, son !" " Get on the other side of the street." " Okay." " There she goes." " [ Boy Shouting ]" "Ow !" "[ Gasps ]" "[ Man Shouting ]" "Well, he" "He didn´t hit it." "[ Singing ]" "Just sharpening the blade, that´s all." "[ Humming ]" "Shut your eyes, please." "That tickle ?" "A little in your ear." "But that won´t hurt." "[ Humming Continues ]" "[ Scraping ]" "[ Thud ]" "Ah !" "Ah !" "Ah !" "Okay." "It wasn´t your fault." "I can fix that." "No harm done." "No harm done." " [ Scraping ]" " Got a mole ?" " Yeah." "I´ve had it all my life." " Mm-hmm." "Won´t have it anymore." "You wanna shave right here." " Okay." "Okay." "Okay." "Okay." " Ah !" "Ah !" "Ah !" "That´s all right." "I" " [ Coughing ]" " Uh, how do you do ?" "Is it true that you can take weight off in that steam room of yours ?" "I positively guarantee it." "My wife says if I don´t get some of this fat off, she´ll leave me." "Step right this way, will you ?" "Right in here." "Here´s the room right here." "Just go into this hangar." "Change your clothes in there." "If he ever took his shoes off, he´d go right up in the air." "Hey, what´s that dog doing in here ?" "[ O´Hare ] It´s a very funny thing." "The other day a man was in here." "And I was shaving him." "The razor slipped and I cut his ear off." "The dog got it." "Ever since he´s been hanging around here for" "Go away." "Go away." "He can´t get another ear." "Got to follow through, the same as you do with a hockey club." "I guess my strop freezes up the moment I" "Ah !" "There you are." "Here we are." "Here." "See ?" "Steam room." "Right in there." "Right in there and sit down." "There, there." "I´ll turn the steam on right away." "Come on, Ethel." "Get excited." "There you are." "Now, don´t stay in there over a minute." "If it gets too hot, just press that button and the light will go on." "If you get into any trouble, just pull that rope... and the horn will blow up there, and I´ll get you right out." "He´s in there a minute, it´ll take a ton off." "Just one little hot towel, and you´ll be like new again." "All right." "All right." "All right." "All right." "[ Muttering ] All right." " All right." " Oh !" "All right." " There you are." " [ Siren Wailing ]" "The police car." "I bet they´re after that bandit." "Which way did they go ?" "They went up that way." "When I hear that old siren, I feel like an old horse." "Wanna get back in the harness again." " I used to be a detective once." " Really, Mr. O´Hare ?" " Yes, yes." " You seem to have been everything." " Well, I guess I was." "My wife calls me every" " Cornelius!" "Yes, yes, my will-o´-the-wisp ?" " Did you mail that letter I gave you yesterday morning ?" " Uh" " Uh" " Uh, yeah" " Yes." " Yes, I did, dear." " I think I´ll go have my dress fitted." "Yes, have your dress fitted, yes." " How do you do, Mrs. Broadbutter ?" " How do you do, Mr. O´Hare ?" "Would you mind taking care of the baby while I go in the drugstore ?" " I´d love to." " Thank you." " How´s Mr. Broadbutter ?" " Fine." "I´ll be just a minute." "Okay." "Here." "What´s this ?" "Come here." "Come here." "My little wooly britches." "Don´t you know to swallow that will kill you ?" " I´ll get it." "Here she is." " [ Babbling ]" "Oh !" "[ Coughing ]" "[ Bellowing ]" "[ Bellowing Continues ]" "Wouldn´t you like to wait for a little powder ?" "I´d like to have enough powder to blow you up, if you wanna know." "Have you had enough ?" "Have I had enough ?" "Ah, been biting your nails again, eh ?" "If I had my former weight," "I´d choke you to death." "I´ll sue you... and take this barbershop away from you." "Oh, well, I don´t care." "And I just got this nice new steam room put in too." "I´ll have the law on you for this." "Well, I told you not to stay in over a minute." " Did you have a nice lunch ?" " Cornelius ?" " Ah, yes, my slendery ?" " I´m going downtown." " I need clothes." "Give me some money." " You got change for a dollar ?" "Give it to me." "I think I´ll have my nails manicured too... while I´m out." " Pop, you wanna hear another riddle ?" " Not now, Ronald." "Run along." "Run along, son." "Play your little baseball." "O´Hare ?" "If you think you´ve heard the last of this, you´re mistaken." " You deliberately locked me in that room." " Why, that´s a colossal fib." "I´m a very kindhearted person." "I´ve never hurt man, beast or child." "Except when I had to." "Well, Lena, let´s get going." " I´m glad you like this." " [ Drumming ]" " How do you do ?" " Oh, howdy do ?" "Howdy do ?" " I´d like to have my little girl´s hair cut." " Oh, surely." "She´s a very pretty little girl." "I´d love to cut her hair." " And she knows where to go, doesn´t she ?" " Yes, she does indeed." " It´s a very pretty hat she has on." " She´s been to a maypole dance." " Has she ?" " Yes." " Want your hair cut ?" " No." " Gloria." " Oh, have your hair cut." "I´ll just take her hat off." " Do you mind ?" " I don´t want my hat off." "I´ll have it off." " You can´t wear a hat when you´re having your hair cut." " No indeed." "There´s two hats." " Maybe she better keep her hat on." " It might not be bad." "[ O´Hare ] Now, look here, there´s a nice stick of candy for you." " [ Woman ] Aren´t you ashamed?" " [ O´Hare ] That´s the barbershop candy." " I´ve got plenty of it." " You think they were really chasing the bandit ?" "Sure it was." "For two pins, I´d close this shop and go over and get him... and choke him to death with my bare hands." "That´s the way we used to choke wolves to death years ago in the northwest." "I belong to the Bare Hand Wolf Chokers Association." "Had to choke a wolf to death before you could belong to the asso" "[ Muttering ]" "Um, yes, sir, yes, sir, yes, sir ?" "Listen, barber, get rid of those people and get rid of them quick." " I´m sorry, folks." "This gentleman is ahead of you." " That´s absurd." " After I´ve waited here this length of time." " He telephoned in" " He telegraphed" " What´s the matter with you ?" " He was here." "He came" " You act like an idiot." "Come on, Gloria." "We´ll get out of this place." " Think I´ll go upstairs." " Stay where you are." "Listen, barber, you´ve got ten minutes to make me look like another man." " Yes, sir." " I gotta get out of this town fast." "Get that thing off there." "Come on." "Make it snappy." " I think I´ll go home, Mr. O´Hare." " Stay where you are." "Listen, barber, get this." "Take the mustache off." "Take the tabs off." "Take the eyebrows off." "Close-crop the hair." " And make it snappy." " Have you tried that good barber at the hotel ?" " He´s wonderful." " Get busy." "I´m the worst barber in town." "My wife will tell you that." " Will you take those off?" " Yes, sir." "Yes, sir." "What are you doing ?" "Are you gonna get going, or are you gonna get going ?" " [ Screams ]" " I´m gonna get going." "Lock the door, Miss Sharp." "Gangway, please !" "Excuse me." "Stop in the name of the law!" "[ Blows Whistle ]" "[ Gunshots ]" "Stop in the name of the law !" "Get out of the way, you fools !" "You wanna get killed ?" "Wretched bicycle !" " [ Gunshots Continue ]" " I didn´t mean it !" "Get out of the way, you fools !" "I didn´t mean it." "[ Screams ]" "Let me up." "Let me up." "I didn´t try to get ya." "I like bandits." "Some of my best friends are bandits." "The president of the bank comes up to our house." "[ People Shouting, Murmuring ]" " Congratulations, Mr. O´Hare." " Yeah ?" "You get the $2,000 reward." "This is the fella we´ve been looking for." " I told ya I´d get him, didn´t I ?" " What´s the matter here ?" " What happened ?" " I caught the bandit." " You caught him ?" " Yeah, I get the $2,000 reward." "I had to chase him around the block three times... before I got the revolver away from him." " I don´t believe my own ears." " One side, folks." "Just a minute." "Here´s the brave little lad that captured the bandit." "He hit a liner with a baseball that struck him right on the top of his head." "He knocked poor Mr. O´Hare here right off his bicycle." " Are you hurt, Mr. O´Hare ?" " Not physically, no." " Come on, Dick." "Get these folks out of here." " All right." "Come on, you." "That´s a brave little lad, Ronald." "In regards to the reward, Mr. O´Hare, step over to the station tomorrow." "I´ll see that you get it." "So, you caught the burglar." "Come, Ronald." " Pop, you wanna hear another riddle ?" " Not now, Ronald." "I´m not in the mood." " Go upstairs and eat your spinach." " Never mind, Mr. O´Hare." " I know you caught the bandit." " I know I caught him too." "What´s the good of arguing with those people ?" "They´re all nervous." "You can´t talk to ´em at all." "Come on, Lena." "Let´s talk to her." "[ Drumming ]" "[ Thudding ]" "[ Gasping ]" "Lena !" "Little devils." "You´re just as lively as can be too." "Lena, how could you ?" " [ Crash ]" " You dog, you."