"Oh." "It's all going on, isn't it?" " Where's Theo?" " Away at a conference... about molluscs." " No-one else will collect dung beetles with me." " Hardly surprising." " They're beetles made of dung." " They're not made of it." "They live on it." "They cut it, then they roll it and they bury it." "If only your father were here." " Was he interested in nature?" " No." "Oh." "Why don't you go fishing?" "To be honest, we could do with the fish." "Yeah, yeah." "Thanks for walking me home." "You're so sweet but I'm getting married." "My mother's making me." "He's in shipping." "Well done." "I couldn't take any more of your romantic upsets after the last one." "Oh, no, I'm still looking." "I just don't really fancy them." " I might try the harbour." " Margo, you need a job." "Why me?" "What about Larry and Leslie?" "I have a job!" "It's not a job." " It's showing off." " Shut up, Leslie!" "Shoo!" "She's getting married." "Someone in shipping." "You don't think this is work?" "This is six months of blood and sweat and..." " ...other fluids I won't go into." " Yes, I know." "Well done, dear." "Gnarled were the hands, tented in worship." "The sodden coat clumped round her like moss on grizzled trellis." "Lovely, darling." "Don't spoil it for me though." " Thank God, food." " Uh-uh." "It's for Alexia." "It's our two-month anniversary." "Oh, sweet boy." "He is best child." "You see, back in England, we try not to have favourites, Lugaretzia." "He is best child." "But it is nice for him." "We all need love." "He has Alexia." "Larry, you have Nancy back in England." " And you have...?" " All right, Larry." "I know what you're going to say." "I can look after myself." "For Alexia." "Ah!" "Go on, then." "Do something." "Hello, Miss Durrells." "Oh!" "Hello, Spiro." " You want a lift?" " No, no, I'm fine, thank you." " I'll give you a lift." " No, no." "No, I'm fine." "No, I'll give you a lift." "Bravo!" "Hello." "English?" "Yes." "Gerry." "Kostis." "Why were you hiding from me?" "No, I was just... getting some shade." "No, you were hiding." " Where you going?" " Um, just into town, please, Spiro." "Come on, where you going?" " To Sven's house." " Ah." " Why you going there?" " To ask him a question." "Ask me." "I know everything." " He's a Swede." " He saved Larry's life." "What's the matter with the Swedes, anyway?" "Too lazy to make an empire like the British and the Greeks." "Much too lazy." "Erodios." "Egret." "Hello, Sven." "Louisa." "You were just being British." "You don't like being in anyone's debt." "Are you so different in Sweden?" "I don't know." "I'm getting less Swedish every year." "I think I'm down to 38%." "But I like the Greeks, their honesty." "Mm." "I wouldn't mind a bit of Greek in me." "Oh, stop it." "Do you like the accordion?" "Um, no, not really." "Not so fond of honesty now?" " Everybody likes the accordion." " Well..." "What exactly is it you don't like?" "Mm." "I..." "The sound, the way it looks like a little..." "You prefer the bouzouki, which is like a tiny harp for... idiots?" "I have some animals." "I like animals and... they need feeding..." " ...so I have to go home now." " Come." "Ela." "Oh, dear." "You want to say hello to Alecko?" "What's going on?" " Stratos." " Yassas." "He is my old boyfriend." "All right." "And my new boyfriend." "Your bicycle is for a girl." "It's a present... for Alexia." "No, you cannot give it to her." "All right then, I'll fight you for her." "You see, Alexia doesn't want that." "Well, OK, if you want." "No, I don't..." "Fine." "Fine, let's have a duel." " A jewel?" " A duel, with guns." " That's dangerous." " Dangerous." "And silly." "Go away." "Go!" "Oh, no." " Darling, what's the matter?" " I had to end it with Alexia." "Oh." "Leslie, I'm so sorry." "Her old boyfriend came back." " It's so upsetting." " I hate her." "Well, don't." " Actually do." " She was..." " I know I'm not good at anything." " You are." "I'm not." "I'm not clever like Larry or charming like Gerry or... whatever Margo is." " Well, she's..." " Apart from my guns, she was the first good thing that ever happened to me." "Well, there's your family." "Look at this." "I can't even cry nicely." "He's beautiful." "Aren't you, Alecko?" " You are." " For you." " You take him." " Really?" "And your er... family will like him?" "Family... is like er good health." "You miss it only when it is gone." "You will need fish for him." "Come back tomorrow, we catch a lot." "I will." " Sure you don't want him?" " It is hard to keep him where I live." "Why?" "Do your family not like him?" "Er... except for weekends I live on that island." "The prison island?" "Do you work there?" "No." "So you're a convict." "Ohh." "I'm sure there's a knack." "Ask Lugaretzia how it's done." "She says the olive pollen irritates her face." " Her face always looks irritated." " Well, it makes it more irritated." " Will you help me?" " I'm working." " Looking for a job." " What are you doing?" " I am putting a rocket up your backside." "Well, put it up Leslie's." "Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, Les." "Me too." "Me too... very much." " Darling." "Leslie." "Where are you going?" " Shooting." "Promise me... promise me you won't shoot Alexia or her... new friend." " Of course I won't." "You want supper, don't you?" " Oh, darling." "Before I met your father I turned down lots of men." "They laughed about it afterwards." "Maybe they didn't really want to go out with you." "Do you know anyone who might have work for Margo?" "I don't know where to start." "Well, what kind of job are you interested in?" "I don't know." "Something to do with fashion... or posh food." "I think you're muddling Corfu up with Paris." "Do you think you might have something for her, helping you and Dr Petridis?" "Not really." "Do you have any experience?" " No, not ..." " No, but she's always loved alleviating suffering." "Haven't you, darling?" "You know, that... that time... when you..." "What?" "Please give her a bloody job." "I suppose we could use some general help." " Errands, tidying." " That's wonderful." "And in time that might become actual nursing." "Dr Margo will see you now." " You know, that might be fun." " Let's not jump ahead." "We won't be asking you to cut out an appendix." "We've got Sven for that." " Have you seen him at all?" " Um..." "No, I..." "Um, no, I don't think I have." " Margo, how's your Greek?" " I'm ..." " Oh, it's very good." "She's incredibly quick." "It turns out the Countess Mavrodaki does have an incurable disease." " Darling." " Hypochondria." " She also has an enormous..." " Louisa's here." "...villa." " Hello." " Margo is going to come and work here for a week." "And then perhaps... permanently." "Excellent." "When can you start?" " As soon as possible." " In the autumn?" "Shut your face." " What are you doing?" "No." " What?" " You can't bring an albatross home." " It's a gull." " Albatross." "Look at its size." " It's gnashing its teeth." " They don't have teeth." " It's gnashing something." "It's a he, and he's called Alecko." "I don't believe in naming animals." "Anthropomorphism is for halfwits." "Oh." "Perhaps not." "I'll build another cage." "They're pissing and crapping." "Stop them." "I'll be healing the sick and the lame." " It's a calling." " You'll be a dogsbody, not a nurse." "I'm a damn sight prettier than Florence Nightingale." "I'm sure she was ravishing before her family wore her down." "Oh, hello, Leslie." " Oh, you were really angry, weren't you?" " Mm." " Why is there an albatross outside?" " Thank you." "Yes, I've already told Gerry off." "He was given to him by Kosti, who's clearly as keen on creatures as Gerry, so he's a nice friend for him." " Why can't he look after the albatross?" " It's not an albatross." "And he can't because during the week he's in jail." "What?" "Mm." "How open-minded are you?" " Why is he in jail?" " He didn't want to say." "You never know with Corfiots ... capable of anything." "Everyone isn't evil just because Alexia got a better offer." " Say that again and I'll burn the book you're writing." " Stop squabbling." " Gerry ..." " All right, I'll ask Kosti again tomorrow." "No, you're not going again tomorrow." " Why not?" " Because he could be a murderer." " He can't be bad if they let him out at weekends." " Exactly." "Don't be so sure." "In Corfu you get three years for murder and five years if you're caught dynamiting fish." " I don't care." "He's friendly and kind." " I care." "I'm responsible for you and keeping you safe." "Why did you bring us here then?" "It's a million times less safe than Hampshire." "Well, it is if you insist on going fishing with convicts." "And since you ask, I brought us here because... because I wanted us to be happy." "Slow down." "Don't wolf your breakfast." "Is it nice?" "Oh, Gerry." "What have I done wrong now?" "Go and see your friend Kosti." "Thank you, Mum." "You're more responsible than all of us." "I should trust you more." "I'm not being inconsistent, I'm being flexible." " Good." " But you will have to take someone with you." " I'm a girl." " No, no, no." "I'm busy." "'Oh, hello." "So, what's your name?" "'" "'Cheating girlfriend, what's yours?" "'" "'Leslie." "Leslie Gullible." "Lovely to meet you.'" " Gerry." " Hello." " Who is he?" " My brother Leslie." "Why he has gun?" "My other brother Larry says it's a penis substitute." "Shut up!" "Did you see that?" "Ooh." " Larry." " I mustn't stop, I'm in the mood." "Help me with Leslie." "He's fine." "Time is a big healer, and plenty of so-called self-abuse." "Ohh." "Well, that's very mature." "Help your brother." "Be a pal to him." "We're so different." "All right." "I'll take him into town." "For work tomorrow." "What do you think?" "No, Margo." "Still, good to see you dressmaking, sort of." "There's a guest." "Here." "Mum, look, the most amazing terrapin." " Oh, yes." " I'm calling him Old Plop." " Because...?" " He's old and... he goes plop." "Hello." "I'm Mrs Durrell." "Kostis." "We're going to build a pond for it." "All right there... my old Matey?" "He needs friends." "I hear you're in prison." "Yes." "For how many years?" " Er, three years." " Three years." "And... how is prison?" "It is a prison, uh?" "It is a prison, of course." "May I ask how you came to be there?" " My English..." " Because I have to know that Gerry is safe with you." "Gerry." "Until the next weekend." "Why's he gone?" "What did you say?" " I don't think you should see him." " I promised him I'd see him next weekend." "Most patients come to us with minor ailments." "As Florence Nightingale said, "Just don't kill anybody."" " I'm paraphrasing." " Mm." "You won't be doing anything medical but there will be a few gruesome sights, I'm afraid." " Oh, I've prepared myself for that." " Good girl." "Ela." "Oh, God, I'm going to be sick." " Hello, Spiro." " Hello, Miss Durrells." " Where you want to go?" " No, I just have a question." "Do you a man called Kosti?" "He's in Vito jail." "Oh, yes." "Him." "He murdered his wife." " Oh." " Why you ask?" "He's been let out at the weekends and he's been fishing with Gerry." "You should stop this right now." "I remember, he has a son who was taken from him and lives far away with his grandparents." "That's why he likes to be with Gerry perhaps." "And why he's not very safe." "What about Somerset Maugham, eh?" "He's a bit shit these days." "Wh-Who?" "The writer, Somerset..." "Never mind." "Webley's are thinking of modifying the sights on the Mark II rifle." "Dressing, please, Margo." "I'm going to faint." " It's only a bit of blood." " Don't say blood." "Don't say blood in a doctor's surgery?" "So, now you won't have to see the 'yucky things', as you call them." "We'll move you to paperwork." "Oh, fine." "And not speaking Greek yet, will that be a problem?" " Are you sure you want to work here?" " Oh, yes." "Mum's really proud of me." " That's quite rare, actually." " Oh." " Should I have another go and try not to heave or faint?" " Stay here." "Learn Greek." "What's the hurry?" "Margo's been..." "I mean, I wouldn't say she's a natural." " She's uneasy with what she calls 'repulsive old people'." " Bless her." "Seems to be anyone over 40." " Are you all right?" " If you had a son, would you let him go fishing with a convict who might be a murderer?" "Gosh." "Might be?" "See, there's this murderer, Kosti... er Pana..." "Oh, I don't know." "Anyway, it might not be him." " Kosti's a common name." " I know." " Oh, Florence, I don't know what to do." " Ask Sven." "He's lived here for years and, as a man, very much so ..." "Why is everyone so obsessed with Sven?" "He's just a tricky bloody Swede." "Excuse me(!" ") I just thought you two might get on." "Well, quite clearly we don't." "He's most likely in jail for stealing a postal order." " Three years for a postal order?" " Five years for dynamiting fish." "They have their own rules here." "They'll hardly let a violent murderer out to do a spot of angling." "Mm." "You're right." "You're right." "And Gerry's very sensible." " He's a very good judge of character." " Gerry?" "Who we found chatting to a rat?" "Sorry." "No." "Arhh!" "My son, he's the age of you." "I must not see him." "My father died when I was three." "I have only one memory of him." "Both of us... watching the goldfish in our pond." "You know, little orange fish?" " Oh, well done." " Thank you." "Did you decide to go by date order or patient name?" "Um, patient height." " Height?" " Yes." "It's the first thing on your form, so it must be important." "Taller patients are up here." "So no need to remember names ... which I always forget anyway." "You just need to remember how tall they are." " Right." " What are these files?" "It's the last doctor's." "Seems to be medical reports on police cases he was called out on." "Just... just leave them." "In fact, don't touch anything else." "Kosti Papadopol..." "So, good work on the filing." "In order of height, I hear." "I'm beginning to think that might have been a stupid idea." "Anyway, it's Friday afternoon, so there's your wages for the week." " Look ..." " I know this is horrible, but I'm afraid I can't work here." "I'm not very good at filing and everyone's so unwell." "And it's just going to go on and on." " Oh." " Mm." "Gerry?" "So, did today go well?" "Of course." "Why wouldn't it?" "Don't be cross, but I borrowed this from the surgery." "I may not be good with the sick but I am a good sleuth." " What are you talking about?" " It's a doctor's report from a crime scene." "I spent all day translating it." "I'm like a Greek Agatha Christie." "Miss Marpo." "Do you get it?" "Mr Kosti Pap..." "Pap... wife had many stab wounds." "Brutal beating?" "Oh, um, the goat chap is outside." " What?" " You know, the foreigner who saved Larry's life." "Yeah, thanks for that, goat chap(!" ")" " Starting a zoo?" " Oh, they're Gerry's." " He prefers animals to people." " I agree with him." "Yes." "I mean, I admire a spider's web as much as anyone, but I still prefer St Paul's Cathedral." " Men are so violent." " Ssh." " I'm sorry I took offence at your dislike of the..." "I'm sorry I didn't enjoy your playing of the er..." "It's all so polite." "(Go to bed.)" "Hey, come on then." "Take me drinking." "You said you have trouble with your olives." "Yes." "Nets." "It's a very Greek solution." "Just leave the nets." "You wait." "Contemplate existence." "Then you occasionally collect." "Then you wait some more." "I talked to Florence Petridis." "She told me you were worried about a criminal." " Can I help?" " No." "No, really." " You're not just being British?" " Oh, no." "I get less British by the day." "I'm down to 89%." "Well, you know what they say around here." "Remind me what they mean?" "'You know where I am.'" "Gerry?" "Gerry?" " Where's Gerry?" " I think I heard him leave on the bike." "Kosti." "Gerry?" "Gerry!" " Get Leslie and Larry." " They've gone out." "Gerry!" "Enough." "No more moping." " We'll find you a new girlfriend." " There's only one Alexia." "I doubt that, actually." " Alexia?" " Nai?" "Hm." "See?" "Lucky guess." " And she looks like a horse." " No, she doesn't." "What about her?" "Sensational." " No, she looks like a horse." " You look like a horse." "I'll bring her over." "Hello." "I'm Lawrence Durrell." "I'm an author." "Gerry!" "(Oh.)" " And are you local?" " Mm-hm." "Mmm." "Where did you get that nose?" "It's beautiful." "My parents?" "You are... a bad boy." " That sounds suspiciously like..." " Hello." "I'm Leslie Durrell." "Hello." "Leslie Durrell." "I don't care, but who are you?" " Good." " Let's go home." " No." " Can I give you advice about women?" " No." " Don't be defensive." "You're a decent chap." "Just be honest and vulnerable." " Shove it up your arse." " I think you've had enough." "Mm." "Well, I'm drinking to forget." " And eating to forget." "Mm." " Right." "Go, go!" "Hey, hey, hey." "(Gerry.)" "Ssh!" "To the police station." "There's been a misunderstanding here." "He was stealing from the Countess Mavrodaki." "You ..." "leave." "Leslie." "Still being so sad about me?" "Leslie." "Stupid, stupid boy." " You should have told me where you were going." " You wouldn't have let me go." "You and Kosti were stealing." "Kosti was being kind." "Margo showed me a police medical file, Gerry." "He stabbed his wife, Maria, 16 times and then he threw her in the sea." " Kosti's wife was called Ioulia." " What?" "It's Maria Papadopoulos." "Ioulia Panoupolos." "You don't even know his name properly or anything about him." "Oh, I'm sorry." "So he's a different Kosti." "She's buried in the cemetery in the valley." "Kosti visits her grave all the time and keeps it beautiful." "Now they'll arrest him and he'll never get out of prison." "Where have you been?" "I'll tell you in the morning." "Where have you been?" "They'll tell you... in the morning." "What sort of police station opens at nine o'clock in the morning?" "Thank you." "Ugh." "Eugh." "You go home." "I'll speak to you later." "Leslie." "Please release Kosti." "He must go back to the island." "He was just trying to help my son." "If he gets in more trouble they'll lock him away for years." "You understand the system." "Hooray." "Miss Durrells?" "Miss Durrells, I heard what happened." "I am beside myself with outrage." "Which is your priority ... your naughty son or the unjustly arrested wife-murderer?" "They have already let Leslie go." "And, Spiro, please don't shout at anyone, it'll make things worse for Kosti." "Miss Durrells is English." "They are completely trustworthy." "Completely trustworthy." "Beautiful tempting goldfish which, of course, they will return." "Very well." " I will let him go." " All right." "Release the prisoner." "Oh!" "Later." "There is paperwork." "Later?" " Later." " Later!" "You ever want a taxi, I'll make sure you get it later." "So, we just need to go and give the goldfish back and return the police file." "Mother was getting really anxious so I translated it and it turns out I got the wrong Kosti." "You know, easily done." "It's a pretty gruesome file, actually," " I could never be a policeman." " I think your mother wants to go." "Hello." "We're here to see the countess." "Let's leave the goldfish and make a run for it." "It's not about fish, it's about honesty." "Don't say anything except sorry and thank you, and then we'll leave." "Larry was the worst estate agent in Bournemouth." "He won a prize but it was too heavy to carry here." "Leslie was gun-mad and nearly shot our postman." "I was fine, but Gerry was only interested in anything with four legs or scales, hence the goldfish." "Mother was drinking too much, apparently." "That's why she brought us all to Corfu." " But tell us about yourself." " I must apologise for my daughter." "Well, you're a breath of fresh air." "Oh, you're so sweet." "Dennis tries his best to entertain me but he ran out of ideas some time ago." " I'm told I can be a bit dim." " Me too." " Theo!" " Hello, Gerry!" " What have you got there?" " A gift from the countess." " How was your trip?" " Oh, yes, it was a fascinating conference." "A Swiss delegate tried to argue that molluscs were descended from annelids, rather than the other way round, which almost led to fisticuffs." "I can imagine." "Oh, we've missed you, Theo." "Margo, Gerry, will you go and make us tea?" "Oh, Theo, I've got a job, as lady's companion to Countess Mavrodaki." "Yes, I think Margo is going to be a survivor." "Theo, you know everything." "Have you heard of a case, a murder case, involving a Kosti Papadopolopoulos?" " Panoupolos?" " Panoupolos." "As I remember it, his wife had an affair." "Kostis drank and, in a moment of madness and passion, he knocked her over, she hit her head and died." "Ah." "So that's our Kosti." "Thank you, Theo." "Theo." "I've finished my first major work." "Excellent!" "Is it a work of genius?" "Yes, it is." " Who wants to hear my writing?" " No, too rude." " I'd rather die." " Good, Theo does." "Proudly purple in the gloaming, a sharp displacement of sad air made him aware obliquely of movement to his left flank as the Earth continued..." "I'm sorry about your wife." "I know it was an accident and..." "I'm sorry I didn't trust you." "I love her still." "Inside I cry... all the time, like a river." "I had a husband and er and he died too, so I understand how you feel." "I mean, I didn't kill him but..." "Sorry." "Miss Durrells, your son, Leslie, he's living with bad people." " You like to watch me at work?" " Yes, I love gardening." "This is going to be our burial area." "Could you find a Greek Orthodox priest?" "No, I can't sail, but I'm a hell of a lot more competent than you are!" "Leslie!" "Get them out!"