"She doesn't really mean it when she screams and calls me a..." "Calls me something bad." "You realize that, right, Joakim?" "Mom can get so mad that she doesn't know what she says." "But it always passes." "And you know mom loves you." "Very, very much, Joakim." "Listen, why don't you and I go to grandma's?" "When we go home again, everything will be forgotten." "You want to do that?" "Maybe Uncle Terje will be there." "Wouldn't that be fun?" "And while we're down there,   maybe we can drop by grandpa too." "Huh?" "What do you say to that, Joakim?" "Huh?" "We can do that!" "We can go to grandpa's!" "Let's go to grandpa's first!" "Wouldn't that be nice?" "That would be nice." "That would be great." "NORWEGIAN COZY" "You have to admit it's not that bad, Terje." "It's supposed to be soul!" "She might as well have sung her tax return." "It sounds like she's singing with her...her vulva." "Her vagina." "I think it will be a hit." "Of course it will be a hit!" "My point is..." "Georg is proud of his girlfriend." "Say you like it, out of respect." "Lie." "For me." "To lighten the mood." "Fine, mother." "Thank you." "Hello!" "Hi." "Hi there!" "Come on in." "Thank you." "Hi, Georg." "Hi, Liv." "Nice to see you!" "Hey." "How's it going?" "But..." "Where is Hege?" "She says hi." "She's busy with PR work." "Promo tour, album release, signings..." "She's real busy." "We have listened to her album and we all agree it will be a hit." "What did you think, Terje?" "I think it will be a hit." "It will be a hit." "But..." "What's even better is that we..." "Are you getting married?" "No." "I mean, who knows?" "But we have just heard that..." "I know you're supposed to wait three months, but..." "Are you serious?" "What takes three months?" "She's pregnant?" "Yes!" "I'm going to be a grandmother!" "Are we that old?" "And she's the mother?" "You bet." "You're going to be an uncle!" "Are you sure you're the dad?" "I thought your testicles didn't descend, or something." "They work just fine, Terje." "Really?" "So they just suddenly descended?" "Yup." "You looking for trouble?" "Huh?" "You want trouble?" "Knock it off!" "Stop it, Georg." "Stop it!" "My lucky troll." "There you go." "This looks lovely!" "I thought maybe..." "I thought I'd drop by..." "Grandpa, I guess you could call him." "Dad?" "Are you kidding?" "Nope." "Care to join me?" "Do you know how he is?" "I guess I'll find out." "Have you heard anything?" "I'm sure he'll be pleased." "What makes you say that?" "Come on." "Join me." "Go with him, Terje." "You go with him!" "He doesn't want to see me, but I'm sure he'd love to see you." "You think so?" "No!" "No one would want this." "It's a nice thought, but no way!" "It would be better if you both went." "No matter how bitter or crazy you are, you still love your children." "That may sound right, Liv, but it's bullshit." "It's scary how warm it is outside." "That climate change is grotesque." ""Grotesque"?" "I thought coming out of the closet would loosen her up,   but she's hopeless." ""Grotesque"?" "Thanks for joining me." "I'm not joining you." "I just said that to get us out of there." "Let's go get a beer." "Unless you want to hear Liv preach more about love." "Are you really going to dad's?" "Yes." "Come with me." "Are you still afraid of him?" "Shouldn't I be?" "Yes." "So why visit him?" "Because I have good news." "Don't you wonder how he's doing?" "No." "Fine." "See you later." "Georg!" "Relax, Bente." "They're all grown up now." "Why worry?" "They didn't even bring any wine." "I'm nothing but a pantry to them." "They behave like babies." "That's your punishment for having been straight." "The wheels on the bus go round and round..." "Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the waterspout..." "Hello?" "Hello?" "Dad?" "Dad?" "EVERYONE FEEDS THE FAT BOY" "Are you here, dad?" "It's me." "Georg." "Dad?" "Dad?" "Dad..." "Dad!" "Terje Broch-Hansen, your last book was about the culture of greed." "Your latest book is about indignation." "But apparently you have no publisher." "I don't need a publisher in the Internet age." "So much for Terje Broch-Hansen, who has gone from greed to indign..." "This is Terje Broch-Hansen." "You omitted the whole point of the interview." "My flag project!" "Of course I am." "I have the flag right here." "Whatever." "Fuck off!" "Are you kidding?" "Is that him?" "He's gotten old." "Imagine if he doesn't wake up." "Beware, Georg!" "His leather chair, the green couch, mom's trolls, the gnu..." "It's all still there." "I found a whole box of your book." "A whole box of Fat Boy?" "Yeah." "People say he's crazy, but it seems like everyone's crazy." "He was wearing his general's coat." "Right, your father..." "He'll survive." "Dad has fallen down loads of staircases." "He drinks poison and eats trash, but never dies." "He's a cockroach." "Hi." "Hi." "I hoped you wouldn't have any more experiences like that." "I'll stay at Terje's tonight." "And Liv:" "Just as dad, in his general's coat, ambushed Georg,   he truly loved his son." "He didn't know it was me." "At least you have each other." "What a fucking relief!" "Bye." "First opportunity he gets, he attacks both of us." "Like when he referred to you saying we love our children." "You don't even have children." "That's how I think it is." "It isn't always." "He blames you for everything about his father." "He blames me for being born!" "That was your fault, Bente." "I wanted a daughter." "Who is this?" "Friends of mine." "Want to meet them?" "Have you become a nerd?" "Necessity is the mother of HTML." "What are you doing there?" "Making fart noises with my armpit." "I mean, with your mouth?" "What else?" "Fart noises." "The ambulance personnel said, "Here comes Frank again."" "Do they call you?" "Not anymore." "Who do they call?" "I don't know." "I know as little about him as you do." "Even horrible fathers can become goofy when they get grandkids." "Goofy?" "You know, they become softer." "You think dad will become goofy?" "I don't know." "But I have to talk to him." "About what?" "I have questions." "This isn't the Disney Channel." "What would you ask him?" "If he ever liked me." "I don't think he did." "But how can you not like your own child?" "Our parents should never have met, Georg." "Dad married mom because the other lawyers had wives." "Period." "We should never have been born." "We went from nothing to nothing." "We're rotten fruit." "How depressed are you, Terje?" "About average, I think." "You seem to be cultivating it." "I'm not at the gym running from it." "I do my best." "I just want to stay inside." "Outside I feel like a waste of space." "A waste of time." "A waste of air." "Christ!" "The same goes for you." "All we do is pollute and take up space." "Don't you want to find a girlfriend?" "Raise a family?" "Yeah?" "Aren't you listening to me?" "Kids?" "Never!" "Our genes should stop right here." "That doesn't mean..." "Hege seems like a...decent woman." "Good genes." "Lately things have been out of whack." "After she signed the album deal and lost 20 kg, I seem to make her sick." "Good morning." "I know." "But..." "No, it could have been much worse." "Right." "What?" "I'll do that." "Talk to you later." "OK." "Bye." "He broke his foot." "But he's been transferred to the psych ward." "OK." "Gro asked me to drop by." "To make you his legal guardian." "Just say no, Georg." "Careful how you treat the Norwegian flag!" "Have you become a Nationalist?" "I'm going to crap on it." "Check out this headline, Georg:" ""Six Billion More In Oil Profits." "You Get Nothing."" "They sell indignation." "That's what they want." ""They get everything, I get nothing."" "I plan to make people truly indignant by crapping on their flags on-line." "My hope is to get enough viewers to live off the ad revenue." "Get a grip." "I'm serious!" "I'm not kidding." "It's enough with one family member in the psych ward." "Go away!" "You wanted to see me?" "Georg!" "Boy, have you gotten fat!" "You're bloated!" "Good to see you." "Long time no see." "You need to start exercising." "Do you smoke?" "No..." "You wanted to see me?" "Your father is very sick." "How much do you know?" "Nothing?" "Nothing." "I diagnosed him to be of unsound mind." "So now he can do whatever he wants." "Schizophrenia." "He has schizophrenia?" "Whatever it is, your father is nuts." "Alcohol and weak nerves is never a good combination." "He has delusions of grandeur..." "but is highly intelligent..." "He left a turd outside my house after I diagnosed him." "We can't hold him against his will." "We can declare him without legal capacity." "But my assistant's heart is with him." "When she heard you were back, it started beating." "What?" "Her heart." "Thump-thump." "Henriette!" "She's a great lady." "No nonsense." "Stop that, Gro." "It's embarrassing!" "What do you want now?" "Your slippers?" "The paper?" "This is Frank Broch-Hansen's eldest son." "Hi there." "Henriette Astrup." "Georg." "I heard you met your father." "Briefly." "And Miss Tactful here gave you an update?" "Did she tell you about our provisional guardian plan?" "You know what a guardian does?" "Takes care of someone?" "I want you to take care of Frank." "I don't think so." "Your brother would rather give birth through his penis." "Dad wouldn't want it." "He could be declared without legal capacity." "I thought that was for people with Down's." "Down's is nothing compared to him." "We can force him." "All you have to do is keep an eye on him." "Make sure he doesn't die." "Just call us when he starts deteriorating again." "It doesn't have to be that bad." "Read this." "Call me when you're done." "OK." "Why do you care about him?" "We are obliged to care for him." "He's sweet, but you really should take over now." "He already has someone here." "No, he doesn't have anyone." "Sure he does." "It doesn't have to be that bad." "Maybe you'll get to know each other." "It could work." "And could you clean up his place before he goes home?" "OK." "But then I have to get back to my girlfriend." "I thought you had broken up." "No." "Why would you say that?" "Didn't you used to date Soul Hege?" "I still am!" "No, I don't know how those magazines work!" "Give me Hege!" "Was this your idea?" "No?" "Then let me talk to Hege!" "Let me talk to Hege!" "Hi, Georg." "Hi, honey." "How are you feeling?" "How are you feeling?" "Well, mom says hi." "I told her about us and the baby." "Georg, can't you..." "I know it's early." "But I couldn't help it." "I've tried calling you so many times." "I've noticed." "What's going on?" "What do you mean?" "What's this magazine article about?" "Let's not discuss it over the phone, Georg." "When can we meet?" "Tomorrow." "We need to have a real talk." "Shit!" "Southeastern News" "There are a lot of good boy names." "We wrote down our favorites." "Then pulled one out of a hat." "Joakim was the winner." "Joakim is a nice name." "You'll be a great father." "Thanks for subscribing all these years." "I've thought a lot about you." "Especially whenever I wrote about your dad." "You wrote about dad?" "I wondered if you knew it was him." "Apparently not." "No." "Now you've seen him for yourself." "This was your father." "And this." "Claimed He Owned Traffic Circle" "This was your father." "And this." "Drunk Threatened Wine Seller" "EVERYONE FEEDS THE FAT BOY" "Everyone has given up on him." "And now he's become..." "Darth Vader." "Fucking psycho Nazi!" "He's in there somewhere." "It's been years since Frank came to the pub." "He used to start the best conversations." "He'd go off on great leaders, commanders, generals." "Then he simply stopped coming." "The rest of us stayed there and drank." "We were booze buddies, not real friends." "Right." "I'd love to know how he ended up like he did." "I spent half my life trying not to become like dad." "Did you succeed?" "No." "But after dad died, I figured out a few things." "I had inherited my fear of becoming like my father." "He had also run from his father." "We both moved to different towns." "If I really wanted to break all ties with my dad, " " I would have been at his deathbed." "So you regret?" "Daily." "But..." "Even if your dad needs you now, little Joakim needs you more." "That's true." "I'd better go clean house." "Brilliant About Western Greed" ""The New Weed"" "Hey." "Sorry." "Holy shit!" "What are you doing here?" "I shouldn't be here." "I wanted to see how many of my books he had bought." "I found two more boxes." "What's that about?" "Maybe he wanted to boost sales." "Or help you financially." "Or give them to his 400 friends." "Where have you been?" "Trying to find out if he has any friends." "What are you doing?" "He has no one!" "If he died in here, no one would find him for a year!" "How can I explain to my son that that's OK?" "Families don't do that!" "The hospital asked me to clean up in here before he comes back." "Care to help me?" "You drew Hitler mustaches in his magazines." ""Georg, have you been drawing in my periodicals?"" ""Beware!"" "Wow!" "Look at this." "Holy shit!" "Do you think he kept it like this because he missed us?" "Check this out!" "Is that what you were up to?" "It was so annoying..." "Come out!" "Hi." "We were expecting you tomorrow." "What are you doing here?" "Do you remember attacking me?" "I asked you a question." "Fuck this!" "What do you expect to find here?" "Money, hidden in my mattress?" "Or did your mother send you?" "No." "The hospital asked me to clean up before you came home." "Did they?" "So, how are you doing?" "There's nothing wrong with me." "I merely sprained my ankle." "Do you remember but only a drop of water." "I think that most plants..." "All right, I'll..." "I'll be leaving then." "Håkon Hensvold has 240 different species of waxflower...." "Henriette told me you have been kicked out of your house." "You have failed in most of life's phases." "You can stay in the cellar apartment until your life gets back in order." "But then I want you out." "For Christ's sake, Terje!" "It took seven shots." "I held myself for two days." "I can see that." "What happened?" "You're both crazy." "Welcome home." "I didn't think you'd actually do it!" "Are you leaving?" "You shat in there!" "Come on, Georg!" "Don't you see who you resemble?" "That's the opposite of mom and dad." "That keeps me balanced." "You look just like dad before he loses it." "I'm not losing it!" "They've both lost it." "You're more like me, Georg." "He's more like Frank." "You call every Sunday." "Terje, never." "You were always empathetic, kind and considerate." "Hege said so, too." "She called you considerate." "Have you talked to her?" "Of course." "That magazine article was a big misunderstanding." "She's all hormonal." "I'm seeing her tomorrow." "Solid, but boring at times" "Respectable debut" "Soul devoid of soul" "Hi!" "Hey." "Hi." "Did you read it?" "Yeah." "A lot was positive." "Four 4s." "Not those." "Did you read VG?" "One bad review, in a shitty paper." "It's true." "I've known it all along." "I've been exposed." "I have no soul." "Come here." "How are you doing, Georg?" "Fine." "I met my father." "Yeah." "He's in pretty bad shape." "He wants me to stay and take care of him." "Are you kidding?" "No." "Maybe that's a good idea?" "You can't escape from him anyway." "I'm sure it's easy to find a day-care if we move here." "What is he doing here?" "He's my manager." "I know." "Are you sleeping with him?" "No." "You know what he's up to." "He's in love with you." "Does everything to keep me away." "He refused to give me your new phone number." "That's psycho!" "I had to get a new number because of you." "You texted me to death." "You sent hundreds of messages." "Not hundreds..." "You didn't respond." "What did I tell you after our last argument?" "You're hormonal." "That happens when you're pregnant." "You've broken up with me before." "I meant it this time." "We've never been better." "With the pregnancy and all..." "I haven't been happy." "When?" "You haven't even noticed that I've had an awful year?" "But we've been good." "No, we haven't." "I've cried and been despondent." "Even TV commercials make you cry." "What are you trying to say?" "Want me to get a grip?" "Fine." "Remember I said it's not you, it's me?" "It is you, Georg." "I've tried to help, but you isolate yourself." "No, I don't." "You don't work, have no friends..." "I have you!" "But I don't know if I have you." "I'm sitting right here." "But do you really see me?" "We had this conversation before you went off the pill." "And we agreed:" "Two parents, not one!" "It's too late to freak out." "You want Joakim to have divorced parents?" "Joakim?" "We drew names out of a hat!" "I wanted him to have two parents." "What do you mean, "wanted"?" "Has something happened, Hege?" "Have you lost..." "Are you still pregnant, Hege?" "No." "Hege, why didn't you tell me?" "What happened?" "I'm sorry, Georg." "Christ, don't blame yourself." "I didn't want to, but you refused to listen to me." "You didn't..." "Not without discussing it with me, Hege!" "Was it your fault?" "I had an abortion." "What?" "You have killed Joakim!" "Do you realize that?" "There." "It was like it wasn't happening." "It was..." "Unreal?" "If you beat her up, and it felt real, then you should worry." "I've spent the last year in some sort of bubble." "I've tried to convince both you and your father that you aren't crazy." "Maybe a little chubby, but otherwise normal." "Remember the toy drawer?" "Want one?" "No way." "Hi." "How's your nose?" "You have dad's entire history, right?" "How old was he when he first started losing it?" "Have you decided to stay?" "Dear Joakim." "I am writing to you because " " I have now reached the age where your grandfather started going crazy." "He is now utterly insane." "I have no idea who he is." "I don't want that to happen to you." "So I am going to tell you everything about me while I am still sane." "I hope I'll keep my sanity, so you and I can understand each other." "And I hope I will find someone who wants to be your mother." "So you can be born." "Instead I found a self-absorbed bitch who thinks she's Beyoncé." "How could I be so stupid, Joakim?" "You should be glad she isn't your mother." "You'll have to live with my brother, unfortunately." "But I wish I could have given you a more jovial uncle." "Terje's head is so far up his ass I'm afraid he'll never get it out." "At best he is driven by a very late-blooming puberty." "At worst, he is nuts." "It flows through us." "And I'm sorry, Joakim, but your grandmother is a lesbian." "Maybe when you grow up, lesbian grandmothers will be normal?" "I just hope she'll be happy." "This family doesn't really do happiness." "But that's the family you're going to inherit." "I tried to escape it." "We all tried to escape from each other." "Hi." "Hi." "We thought we could replace it with something new." "Growing up, you think you'll get more and more new friends." "And that's true for a while." "But you end up alone." "And all you have left, no matter what, is the family you were dealt." "I miss you, Joakim." "I can't wait till you get here." "Until then I plan on staying here." "I think this will be OK." "For once, I think I may be doing the right thing." "Subtitles:" "Nick Norris"