"El Gato!" "Here you go." "Thank you, Dulcinea." " Are you not into this?" " We could come back later." " Yeah." " No, no, it's just..." "It's fine." "What's wrong, Puss?" "Well, as much as I enjoy protecting San Lorenzo from the many fiends who would steal its treasure..." "Oh, he means us!" "... they do not present a real challenge." "I used to have the kind of adventures that adventures tell other adventures when they are bragging." "I once defeated a bridge troll with a crossbow." "I defeated a land-octopus with a pike." "A manticore with a fork." "A Werewolfman  with an opera ticket!" "None were a match for Puss In Boots!" "By comparison, these fellows are immensely boring." " No offense." " How is that not offensive?" "It sounds like you used to have some grand adventures." "And I still do, of course." "There is no grander adventure than protecting those you care about." "But sometimes..." "I miss the old days." " So awesome!" " Ah!" "That was very nifty." "Excellent workout." "Now, let us do the right arm." "We're up." "Hey!" "Come on." "En garde!" "Children, I'm worried that if Puss misses his old life too much, he might leave San Lorenzo." " He cannot!" " Oh, no!" " No way!" " Puss can't leave!" "No, no, it's OK." "I have a plan!" "We're going to give Puss the kind of adventure he's been missing, right here in town." "But keep it a secret, OK?" "I want it to be a surprise." "Toby, I want you to draw an invitation." "Yay!" "I love helping more than food!" "It's not true, but it felt good to say it." "Go!" "And never menace this town and its treasure again!" "Until Thursday, when I do arms again." "Oh, yes, I feel the burn." "Puss In Boots!" "This is for you." ""Dear Puss In Boots,"" "you are invited to a super special surprise by all of your friends," ""tomorrow after lunch."" "You honor me with your super special surprise, madam." "And I suspect that I know who is behind it." "And here is another surprise!" "Jack!" "Ah, yes, it is I, Jacques Sprat!" ""Jockstrap"?" "Call me Jack." "Puss, I heard you were here in San Lorenzo and I just had to come visit!" "Everyone, this is my old friend and adventuring buddy, Jack!" "It is I, Jacques Sprat, who slayed a bridge troll with a crossbow!" " That was me." " Was it?" "Well, perhaps I slayed a land-octopus with a pike." " Also me." " OK, a manticore with a fork?" "Ah!" "A Werewolfman with an opera ticket!" "You old rogue, always stealing credit." "Classic Jack." "This guy, huh?" "Lying is not right, Monsieur Sprat." ""If you stick to what is true, happiness will come to you."" "That is... adorable!" "I'm going to call you Goody Two-Shoes!" "Ah!" "My name is Dulcinea." "Mmm!" "Oh!" "And these must be children, or... or something." "What are all your names?" "Well, Toby, Kid Pickles, Esme, Luella, Papoo, Cinderpodge, Osvaldo, and Vina, it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance." "Yay!" "Come here, little ones!" "Give Jack a big hug!" "Is he great or what?" "Jack!" "This is the leader of our town, Mayor Temeroso." "Ah!" " Uh!" " Jacques Sprat!" "Sir!" "Clasp your hand about mine and shake vigorously, as men do." "Oh!" "Such a strengthful grip!" "You must be a great and mighty warrior." "I am a coward." "Well, then you must be a great and mighty coward." "I have a talent for it, yes." "I see you are a fitness buff like myself." "Look at those shoulders!" "You must do a lot of resistance training, no?" "But do you mix in the cardio?" "What?" "Obviously, I am a model of physical perfection." "Perhaps you have heard that Jacques Sprat can eat no fat?" "Also no trans fats." "I prefer a low-glycemic diet, rich in omega-3s." "Can I hide in a barrel now?" "I like to hide in barrels." "Barrel training?" "Oh, you are on the cutting edge, mon ami!" "Oh-oh-oh!" "Uh-uh-uh!" "Ha!" "Puss, everyone here is fantastic!" "San Lorenzo is a town of golden geniuses!" "Let us observe it from above." "Watch this, Goody Two-Shoes!" "It's Dulcinea!" "Ooh!" "That is my friend!" "I miss that spell that kept bad people out of town." "Ah..." "You have a sweet setup here, no?" "Plenty of suckers to take advantage of." "Jack, they are not suckers." "They are my friends." "This place is my home." "You have settled down?" "Oh, tut-tut!" "Zut-zut!" "I have the astonish!" "So, why are you here?" "Just a friendly visit to my dear old friend Puss In..." "Come on, Jack." "Why are you really here?" "Have you come to steal San Lorenzo's treasure?" "Because if you have... we are going to have a problem." "No, no, no, no, no!" "Not at all!" "I have come to bring you  an adventure." " Go on." " Just the kind you like." "Rescuing a princess." " Is she in grave danger?" " Oui!" " Are the odds stacked against us?" " Oui-oui!" " Is it certain death?" " Oui-oui-oui!" "Ooh!" "It is just the kind I like." "I will do it!" "But let us keep this adventure between you and me, Jack." "I do not want to worry my friends." "Certainement." "Can we be back by just after lunch?" "Of course, we can whatever you just said!" "Then..." "let us rescue a princess!" "So, where is this endangered princess?" "In an ancient cursed temple, of course." "Race you there!" "You see?" "It looks just like a castle now." "Oh, yeah... if you don't look at it." "I found some old costumes in my attic!" "They were in a box marked "costumes." True story." "I get to be the princess!" " I wanna be the princess!" " No, me!" "Anyone who wants to be a princess can be a princess." "Yay!" "I need to be back in San Lorenzo right after lunch." "How much time do we have?" "Oh, plenty of time, plenty." "Don't worry your little furball of a head." "Should you not have your sword at the ready, Jack?" "I never need my sword when Puss In Boots is here!" "Puss handles the fighting, Jacques handles the treasure." "I thought we were saving a princess." "Uh... uh..." "Where there is a princess, there is treasure." "Uh!" "Darts." " What now?" " Now?" "I dance." "No, I dance... with danger!" "That should be all of them." "Hee!" "You are welcome." "I want to be the evil wizard!" "Fools!" "Tremble before the awesome might of my owls of doom!" "Hoo..." "Hoo..." "That was so nifty, um, but maybe see if you could be more... evil?" "And wizardy?" "And you gotta find a better magical weapon than a macrame owl." "Like a magical sword or something?" "Or a snail, or a peanut." "Literally anything but a macrame owl." "Tres excitant!" "We handled that very well!" " "We"?" " Oui!" "Yes, "we" have been handling a lot." "Oh, don't pout, Puss." "No, no, no, it makes you look fat." "So, what threat do we face next?" "I think giant ax blades might be next." "Phew!" "Roar!" "Yes, that's very nice." "What's the matter, kid?" "Oh, I feel bad that Puss misses his old adventures." "Does he really like Jack that much?" "Don't you?" "Oh, of course I do!" "It's just that something about him makes me want to curl my hand into a ball and put it into his face very fast." "Over and over and over!" "What is that?" "Let's consult an expert." "Lady, you don't like Jack!" "What?" "No!" "No, I like everyone." "Not Jack." "Face it, he makes you mad." "No." "No." "No, not at all." "No, no, no..." "The whole time you've been saying no, you've been nodding yes." "I..." "I don't like Jack?" "I..." "I don't like Jack." "I..." "I don't." "There is a person I don't like!" "Who am I?" "Oh!" "Bon sang!" "So much treasure!" "This is taking forever." "Is it near lunchtime?" "I promised to be there for my special surprise." "I don't know, when is lunchtime?" "I eat a series of small meals all day, so that my metabolism..." "You said you were keeping track!" "I say a lot of things." "You cannot expect me to remember them all." "Zut!" "The princess!" "Princess!" "We are here to save you!" "To be honest, I am in a bit of a hurry." "Why are you dancing?" "Dancing is what happy people do, not people who are in need of saving." "Jack, something is wrong." "Jack!" "I'm busy!" "You save the princess." "I do not think it is a princess." "That is a lot of mouth." "Beast!" "I assume from your appearance that you mean me harm." "But if you do not, I do apologize for leaping to conclusions." "I retract my apology!" "Jack!" "There is no princess!" "This is some sort of... bait for a monster!" "Did I forget to mention the monster?" "It's OK." "You handle it while I load up on the loot." "You put me in danger so you could fill your pockets with gold?" "Of course!" "You love the danger." "I love the treasure." "That's why we are such great friends, no?" "Friends?" "That is not how friends act!" "You have been taking advantage of me!" "Well, yes, but when you say it out loud, it does sound kind of unpleasant." "Jack!" "Is there a way you could phrase it that would make me sound better?" " Like perhaps I am..." " Jack!" " ... giving you the opportunity to..." " Jack!" "... empower yourself?" "Jack!" "Jack, look out!" "Yikes." "Defend yourself!" "I don't know how!" "Uh!" "This isn't even a real sword!" "Hm!" "Huh?" "How did you do that?" "I found this among the treasure, a jewel of entrapment." "Ooh!" "That could be handy!" "It is useless now that it has trapped something." "How could you not know that?" "Seriously, this is like Adventuring 101." "I am leaving." "And you had better not have made me miss my special surprise!" "Why are you so angry?" "I am the same Jack I have always been!" "Yes, but perhaps I am no longer the same Puss." "Puss, come back!" "Puss?" "Hold this." "What is going on?" "Welcome to your super special surprise!" "An adventure, just like you used to have." "Well, it turns out those were... maybe not so great." "Oh, well, you're gonna love this one." "The Adventure of the Wizard's Castle!" "Ah!" "Those boots are mine!" "Get him!" "Yar!" "We are some princesses!" "Hello, princesses!" "Shall I save you from something?" "Naw, we're evil princesses!" "We're gonna turn you into cat salami!" "Now you defeat us." "It's OK." "It's for fun." "Take this, evil princesses!" "We are slain!" "He is too mighty for us!" "Ah!" "Now that you have slain the evil princesses, you must save the good princess." "Everyone wanted to be a princess?" "Everyone wanted to be a princess." "Save me, Puss In Boots!" "Oh, save me... from a dragon!" "And now, I slay thee, dragon!" "Ah!" "Ah!" " Should I...?" " Yeah, just move on." "Ah!" "I have to find a better magical weapon for my evil wizard role." "Eh!" "This'll do." "A jewel of entrapment, within which is a monster with a fake princess stuck to its face?" "Like I'm gonna listen to a horse." "Oh, save me, Puss In Boots!" "I will save you, Princess Toby, from..." "Well, I already slayed the dragon, what am I saving him from?" "From the evil wizard!" "You cannot defeat me, Puss In Boots!" "I am devastation incarnate!" "Wow, he's good." "You will fall, mortal!" "Fall to my... staff of doom!" "Artephius!" "Be careful with that!" "Who is this "Artephius"?" "I am nameless!" "Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!" "Wow, I'm scary good at this." "Fear me!" "Whoops!" "Playtime... is... over." "I have bested you once, and I will do it again, or I am not Puss..." "Oof!" "Oh!" "Unharmed... mostly!" "Evil warrior princesses, attack!" "Attack!" "No!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Oh!" "I am... all right." "Puss, I have come to apologize..." "but I see that you are busy." "Jack!" "For once in your life, do something!" "I will!" "I will save you, Puss, because I am a true friend!" "Die, foul monster!" "Well, I did my best." " Huh?" " You did nothing!" "You are a rude and dishonest person, and I don't like you!" "And you!" "I have had it with you, lady!" "You are nothing but a big bully!" "How dare you carry on like this in front of children!" "You think you can do whatever you want just because you're big?" "Well, I'm not gonna stand for it!" "Get out of my town right now, Miss Bossy-face, or I'm gonna lose my temper!" "I'm sorry I got mad." "Did I do it right?" "Yes, you did it just right." "Those were my first yells." "I was like, "I am mad!"" "Ooh!" "Did you like your special surprise, Puss?" "Very much, Esme." "That was a real monster at the end, but I was scarier." "Yes, you were." "Very scary." "I hit it!" "I hit the monster!" "Believe it or not, I actually appreciate the effort." "It was good to see you, Jack." "It was good to see you, too." "Maybe you are not the same Puss you have always been, but I hope I can still call you my friend." "Of course, mon ami." "I want to thank you all for this most marvelous adventure." "Was it as good as the old days?" "Better, my dear." "Far better."