""TO A SUPER DAD, HUSBAND AND EARTHLING."" "THAT WAS MINE." "THANKS, THANKS EVERYONE." "I'M VERY, VERY TOUCHED." "THANK YOU, DEAR." "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DARLING." "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY." "THANK YOU, SON." "MANY MORE, DAD." "THANKS, SWEETHEART." "THANK YOU, ALF." "THANK..." "[ Smooch ]" "WHOA, NOT BAD!" "STILL WATERS RUN DEEP THERE, WILLIAM." "BLOW OUT THE CANDLES!" "OKAY. 1, 2, 3!" "HA HA HA!" "[ Willie ] JOKE CANDLES!" "THIS IS THE 5th YEAR NOW," "AND I FALL FOR IT EVERY SINGLE TIME." "BACK OFF THERE, WILLIE BOB." "LET ME GIVE IT A SHOT." "ALF!" "WHAT?" "¶¶" "SPEECH!" "SPEECH!" "OKAY." "I WAS BORN THE SON OF A POOR ASTEROID POLISHER." "UH, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING THE SPEECH." "I THINK I KNOW MY LIFE BETTER THAN YOU DO." "BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME." "THANK YOU." "WELL, I DON'T THINK I'VE GOT TOO MUCH TO COMPLAIN ABOUT." "I HAVE MY HEALTH," "I HAVE A WONDERFUL WIFE," "I HAVE 2 GREAT KIDS..." "AND AN ALIEN." "OKAY!" "GREAT SPEECH." "LET'S OPEN THE PRESENTS." "OKAY, BE RIGHT BACK." "C'MON, BRIAN." "I HOPE YOU GOT ME JEWELRY." "ALF, IT'S WILLIE'S BIRTHDAY," "HE'S THE ONE WHO GETS THE PRESENTS." "THE GUY WHO HAS THE BIRTHDAY, ALSO GETS THE PRESENTS?" "TALK ABOUT YOUR WACKY PLANET." "OKAY, DAD, CLOSE YOUR EYES." "OKAY, OPEN!" "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DARLING." "IT'S THE CAMBRIDGE ATLAS OF ASTRONOMY." "THANK YOU, SWEETHEART." "GEE, I'VE BEEN EYEING THAT BOOK IN THE BOOKSTORE FOR WEEKS." "I WAS GOING TO WAIT UNTIL IT CAME OUT IN PAPERBACK." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "I'M CORRECTING THE MORE GLARING ERRORS." "LOOK AT THIS." "THEY LEFT OUT THE 10th PLANET." "DAVE." "GIVE ME THAT!" "YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU MAKE THINGS UP." "YOU TOLD ME, THERE WAS A RACE OF CUCUMBER PEOPLE ON MARS." "NOT A RACE, A FAMILY;" "A SMALL FAMILY, THEY'RE MEAN." "HERE." "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" "WELL, THANKS." "WHAT IS IT?" "I DON'T KNOW." "SOMETHING I FOUND..." "IN THE BASEMENT BEHIND THE CHEMICAL TOILET." "HOW THOUGHTFUL." "WELL, I CAN'T EXACTLY GO OUT AND SHOP." "I MEAN IT'S CHARMING." "IT'S VERY THOUGHTFUL." "ALF, THANK YOU." "LOOK AT THESE." "THESE ARE OUR HIGH SCHOOL;" "OUR COLLEGE PICTURES..." "OH, MY GOSH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT." "OLD LETTERS IN THERE..." "MOM, WHO IS THIS GORGEOUS GUY WITH HIS ARM AROUND YOU?" "THAT'S NOLAN WESTWOOD." "WHO'S THIS GUY IN THE STUPID LOOKING CLOTHES?" "THAT'S A FOOTBALL UNIFORM, ALF." "I KNOW THIS GUY." "HE'S AN OLDTIMER." "WHAT'S HIS NAME?" "JOE..." "NAMATH." "YOU DATED JOE NAMATH?" "THE PANTY HOSE GUY?" "WOW!" "MOM, YOU REALLY WENT OUT WITH SOME HUNKS." "BUT I MARRIED THE BEST HUNK OF THEM ALL." "OH, MY GOSH, HERE'S A MENU." "LOOK, IT'S AN OLD MENU..." "FROM THAT LITTLE RESTAURANT WE DISCOVERED." "LET'S ORDER." "THE RESTAURANT'S BEEN CLOSED FOR 20 YEARS." "THEN WHY ARE WE ORDERING?" "[ Willie ] WE ARE NOT ORDERING!" "OH, HONEY, LOOK WHAT WE WROTE ON THE BACK." "IT'S OUR LIST." "WHAT LIST?" "WELL, YOUR FATHER AND I MADE A LIST OF THINGS..." "THAT WE WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH IN OUR LIVES." "YOU KNOW, GOALS, DREAMS..." "CAN I SEE IT?" "LOOK WHAT MOM WROTE:" ""TO SKI THE EAGLE'S NEST AT SQUAW VALLEY..." ""TO HAVE A POEM PUBLISHED IN A MAJOR LITERARY MAGAZINE..." "TO RUN WITH THE BULLS AT PAMPLONA."" "SHE DID ALL THAT, TOO." "WOW, KATE." "YOU LITTLE OVERACHIEVER, YOU." "YEAH." "WAY TO GO, MOM." "YOU KNOW HOW I AM WITH LISTS." "I LOVE CROSSING THINGS OFF." "WHERE'S YOUR LIST, DAD?" "IT'S THERE." "I WROTE IT UNDER THE "CATCH OF THE DAY"." "LET ME SEE THAT." "I MAY WANT SEA BASS." "WE'RE NOT ORDERING!" "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT." "LET ME READ THIS." "WAIT A MINUTE." ""WILLIE TANNER, GOALS AND AMBITIONS." "NUMBER 1:" "TO BUILD A BETTER MOUSETRAP."" "WELL, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A PIECE OF CAKE." "NOT EXACTLY." "I'M STILL WORKING ON THAT ONE." ""NUMBER 2:" "COMPLETE THAT SKYDIVE."" "COMPLETE THAT SKYDIVE?" "HOW DO YOU SKYDIVE JUST A LITTLE BIT?" "DO YOU JUMP HALFWAY?" "NO." "YOU GET READY TO JUMP," "YOU HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS," "YOU GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT TO SIT DOWN." "OH, YOU CHICKEN OUT." "YOU DECIDE NOT TO JUMP." "YOU COME TO YOUR SENSES." "YOU HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS." "YOU DECIDE NOT TO BE STUPID." "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT." "YOU CHICKEN OUT." "NOW, HOW ABOUT SOME OF THAT WET CAKE?" "YEAH!" "¶¶" "YO, WILLIE!" "YO!" "WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?" "MY MOUSETRAP." "UH-HUH..." "YOU MIGHT HAVE A LITTLE TROUBLE," "SLIPPING THAT BABY BEHIND A REFRIGERATOR." "SAY, DON'T YOU HAVE SOME SLEEPING TO DO?" "NO, I ALWAYS WAKE UP AROUND 3:00, 3:30," "HAVE A COUPLE OF POTATOES, AND WAIT FOR MY PAPER." "WHAT A LIFE!" "HEY, SO FAR, NO COMPLAINTS." "WANT A COLD SPUD?" "NO, NO THANKS." "I ATE THE REST OF THE CAKE." "I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT NOW." "THAT'S OKAY." "AND THE CANDLES." "LISTEN, ALF, I'D REALLY LIKE TO FINISH THIS THING." "WHY BOTHER?" "BECAUSE I LIKE TO FINISH SOMETHING I START." "YOU NEVER FINISHED THAT SKYDIVE." "DIDN'T YOU EVER SET GOALS THAT YOU DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH?" " NO." " NONE?" "MELMACIANS DON'T SET GOALS, WILLIE." "WE LIVE FROM MOMENT TO MOMENT;" "FROM SNACK TO SNACK." "YES, WE TAKE TIME TO STOP..." "AND SMELL THE POTATOES." "DID YOU EVER JUMP OUT OF A MOVING PLANE?" "YOU WANT TO BE ALONE, JUST TELL ME." "NO, I MEAN, DID YOU EVER SKYDIVE?" "I FELL TO EARTH AT MACH 16." "WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?" "IMAGINE MACH 8 AND DOUBLE IT." "WEREN'T YOU SCARED?" "NOT ONCE I STARTED PLUMMETING." "HEY, WILLIE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT." "YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING." "YOU'RE A GOOD PROVIDER, YOU'VE GOT A COUPLE OF GREAT KIDS," "AND AN ALIEN." "YOU DON'T RUN AROUND," "AND YOUR LIFE IS INCREDIBLY PREDICTABLE AND SAFE." "[ Thump ] THERE'S MY PAPER." "CIAO." "KATE?" "YEAH?" "DID YOU EVER HEAR FROM NOLAN?" "NOLAN WHO?" "NOLAN WESTWOOD." "NO, WHY?" "I DON'T KNOW." "I JUST WONDERED..." "IF YOU HEARD FROM HIM SINCE, SINCE COLLEGE." "ACTUALLY, I HEARD THAT HE WENT TO NEW GUINEA..." "AND NEVER CAME BACK." "OH, THAT'S TOO BAD." "SOME TRIBE MADE HIM THEIR KING." "WHY DO YOU ASK?" "OH, NOTHING, I WAS JUST CURIOUS." "DOES HE HAVE ANY REAL POWER," "OR IS HE JUST A FIGUREHEAD?" "WELL, HE'S ON THE STAMPS." "WHAT ABOUT JOE?" "JOE WHO?" "YOU KNOW, THAT FOOTBALL GUY." "THEISMAN?" "NO, JOE NAMATH." "DID YOU GO OUT WITH JOE THEISMAN, TOO?" "NO, HONEY, JUST NAMATH." "WHY ARE YOU BRINGING ALL THIS UP?" "KATE, DO YOU THINK OF ME AS..." "INCREDIBLY PREDICTABLE AND..." "SAFE?" "YES." "THAT'S WHY I'M HERE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW." "GO TO SLEEP." "YOU HAVE A BUSY DAY TOMORROW." "YEAH, I GOT TO TAKE THE WAGON IN AND GET THE RADIATOR FLUSHED." "AFTER THAT, I'M GOING TO STOP AT THE HARDWARE," "SEE IF THE LAWN SPRINKLER HAS COME IN YET." "I'M HAVING LUNCH WITH COUSIN VERN," "WHO WILL TALK TO ME ABOUT HIS NEW EDGER." "AFTER THAT, I'VE DECIDED TO GO SKYDIVING." "MMM." "GOOD NIGHT, DEAR." "G'NIGHT." "¶¶ [ "Pomp And Circumstance" ]" "[ Crunch ] AHH!" "EXCUSE ME, WHERE AM I?" "YOU'RE AT YOUR GRADUATION." "WHAT AM I GRADUATING FROM?" "THIS IS A DREAM, TANNER." "IT'S PURPOSE IS TO POINT OUT..." "HOW INADEQUATE YOU ARE COMPARED TO EVERYBODY ELSE." "THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN." "WOULD YOU MIND STANDING OFF TO THE SIDE?" "[ Music Stops ]" "NOLAN WESTWOOD, COME ON OUT AND ACCEPT YOUR DIPLOMA." "[ Applause ]" "CONGRATULATIONS, NOLAN, ON BEING A SUCCESSFUL..." "UNICYCLIST, WORLD TRAVELER AND NEW GUINEAN KING." "THANK YOU." "HERE ARE SOME STAMPS AND COINS." "HE'S ON THE MONEY, TOO?" " TANNER, QUIET!" " SORRY." "LISTEN, I'VE GOTTA GO." "THEY'RE HAVING A CEREMONY FOR ME BACK HOME." "I'M BEING BUMPED UP FROM KING TO GOD." "CONGRATULATIONS, NOLAN." "THANKS, BUB." "AND NOW," "OUR NEXT RECIPIENT NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION." "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," "JOE NAMATH!" "HEY, JOE, GO ON OUT FOR A LONG ONE?" "JUST KIDDING." "HERE YOU GO, JOE." "THANKS." "SAY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" "WILLIE IS HAVING A DREAM." "WILLIE!" "HELLO, JOE." "I'M SORRY TO DRAG YOU INTO THIS." "HEY, THAT'S COOL." "I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF DREAMS LATELY." "NEXT WEEK, I'M DOING A HOWARD COSELL NIGHTMARE." "JOE, YOU'VE DONE AWFULLY WELL." "WOULD YOU AUTOGRAPH THIS FOR MY SON, BRIAN?" "ABSOLUTELY." "THERE YOU GO." "THANKS, JOE." "TO BRIAN." "TELL YOUR MOM, "HELLO"." "YOU KNOW WHAT?" "I ALWAYS THINK ABOUT WHAT KATE SAID, WHEN I PROPOSED TO HER." "THAT'S HOW I GOT THE BAD KNEES, BY THE WAY..." "KNEELING." "SHE SAID, "BROADWAY"," "SHE ALWAYS CALLED ME "BROADWAY"," "SHE SAID, "THANKS, BUT NO THANKS." "I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE THAT'S PREDICTABLE AND SAFE."" "SO LONG, WILLIE." "I'M GOING SKYDIVING TOMORROW." "[ Mimicking ] "I'M GOING SKYDIVING TOMORROW."" "YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE." "AND NOW, IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE..." "TO INTRODUCE OUR "MAN OF THE CENTURY"." "SOMEONE WHOSE ACCOMPLISHMENTS PUT THE REST OF US TO SHAME." "A PERSON OF WHOM IT CAN TRULY BE SAID," ""HE CHANGED THE WAY WE LOOK AT THE WORLD."" "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU," "GORDON "ALF" SHUMWAY!" "[ Crowd Cheers ]" "ALF!" "GREAT TO SEE YOU." "WAY TO GO!" "WHAT A GUY!" "HE'S THE BEST." "SAY, ALF, CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?" "SURE, JOE." "OH, WAIT 'TIL MY FRIENDS SEE THIS." "THERE YOU GO." "ALF?" "WILLIE!" " ALF?" " WILLIE." "YOU'RE THE "MAN OF THE CENTURY"?" "YEAH." "WHAT A SURPRISE!" "I WAS HAPPY JUST TO BE NOMINATED." "WHAT A KICK!" "WELL, CONGRATULATIONS." "THANKS." "HEY, WILLIE, YOU NEVER KNOW." "NEXT CENTURY, IT COULD BE YOU." "I DON'T THINK SO." "HEY, COME ON." "DON'T BE SO NEGATIVE." "ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS, TAKE THIS PARACHUTE." "AND JUMP, WILLIE." "JUMP!" "JUMP, JUMP, JUMP." "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP!" "JUMP, WILLIE, JUMP!" "HIT." "ROLL." "HIT!" "ROLL!" "HOW 'S THAT?" "CAN I TRY IT?" "YEAH, SURE." "COME ON." "HIT, ROLL!" "HIT, ROLL!" "YES, YES, YES." "THERE'S NOTHING TO THIS SKYDIVING STUFF." "IT'S BORING." "LET'S TAKE A BREAK HERE." "YEAH, GOOD IDEA." "YOU KNOW, ALF, I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM LAST NIGHT..." "AND YOU WERE IN IT." "NO KIDDING." "YEAH, IT WAS REALLY WEIRD." "THERE WAS YOU, AND THESE 3 GUYS THAT KATE USED TO GO OUT WITH." "WHAT'S WEIRD ABOUT THAT?" "WELL, WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN IT?" "NOW THAT YOU'VE BROUGHT IT UP," "I THINK KATE'S BEEN COMING ON TO ME LATELY." "I REALLY THINK YOU'RE MISTAKING FRIENDLINESS FOR SOMETHING ELSE." "THEN I GUESS I SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT HER FLOWERS." "YOU SENT MY WIFE FLOWERS?" "OKAY, BREAK'S OVER. [ Whistle ]" "LET'S GET ON WITH THIS." "COME ON." "ENOUGH OF THIS IDLE CHITCHAT." "HIT, ROLL!" "HIT, ROLL!" "YEAH!" "HOW ABOUT IT?" "NOT BAD." "IF THAT HAD BEEN A REAL JUMP," "YOU'D HAVE JUST DRIVEN YOUR FEMUR INTO YOUR SPLEEN." "OH, WILLIE, THESE FLOWERS ARE BEAUTIFUL." "HONEY, WHAT'S THE OCCASION?" "IT'S JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU." "THAT'S ALL." "I LOVE YOU, TOO." "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" "I WAS JUST PRACTICING MY HIT AND ROLL." "THAT'S SKYDIVING LINGO." "SKY..." "SO THAT IS WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT." "YES, I DECIDED I'M GOING TO TAKE THE PLUNGE." "DON'T TRY TALKING HIM OUT OF THIS." "ALF, DO YOU MIND?" "YOU'RE REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, AREN'T YOU?" "YEP." "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" "I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE I FEEL I HAVE TO DO THIS." "BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU WROTE ON A MENU... 25 YEARS AGO?" "I THOUGHT, IT WAS 20." "ALF!" "25 YEARS AGO, 5 PEOPLE WENT UP IN A PLANE..." "AND 4 PEOPLE JUMPED." "YOU DIDN'T JUMP BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO JUMP." "I DIDN'T JUMP BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID TO JUMP." "YOU'RE NOT AFRAID NOW?" "I AM AFRAID," "BUT I FEEL THAT THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO." "IF JUMPING OUT OF AN AIRPLANE AT 5,000 FEET..." "IS THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU, YOU SHOULD DO IT." "WE'LL BE THERE WATCHING." "5,000 FEET?" "I THOUGHT THEY SAID, IT WAS 4,000." "I THINK IT'S 10,000." "WE'RE NEARING THE DROP ZONE!" "YEAH!" "ALRIGHT!" "ARE WE PUMPED?" "WE'RE PUMPED!" "WE'RE PUMPED, ALRIGHT." "WE'RE PUMPED AS CAN BE." "PUMPED AS AS A TIRE, IN FACT." "GOOD!" "THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!" "MR. TANNER." "YEAH." "I NOTICED HERE, YOU DIDN'T CHECK OFF THE LIFE INSURANCE BOX." "OH, I'M SORRY." "THAT'LL BE 2 BUCKS." "WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF I PAID YOU LATER?" "HA HA!" "GOOD ONE!" "WE ARE NOW DIRECTLY OVER THE DROP ZONE." "SKYDIVERS, PREPARE FOR FLIGHT," "AND WATCH OUT FOR THAT FIRST STEP!" "IT'S MY FIRST TIME." "NERVOUS, HUH?" "YEAH, A LITTLE." "NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT." "IT'S JUST LIKE JUMPING OFF A CLIFF." "COLLINS!" "YO!" "POLMANSKI!" "YO!" "BARNA!" "YO!" "IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME, TELL THEM "NO LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS"." "GOTCHA." "TANNER!" "PRESENT." "YES." "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY "YO"!" "OH, RIGHT." "YO." "LISTEN, HERE'S WHAT I DECIDED." "I CAN'T DO THIS." "I WON'T DO IT, I MEAN..." "I DON'T NEED TO DO IT, SO I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT." "THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO TELL YOU." "I WAS SITTING BACK THERE," "I WAS LISTENING TO EVERYBODY SAYING "YO"," "AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "DO I REALLY WANT TO PLUMMET?"" "I HAD TO ADMIT, "NO, I DON'T FEEL LIKE PLUMMETING."" "SO, I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT." "I'M GOING TO GO BACK OVER THERE AND SIT DOWN." "THAT'S WHERE I'LL BE, RIGHT OVER THERE." "OKAY?" "WHAT?" "OH, NOTHING." "WHAT THE HELL!" "AHHHHHHHH!" "ALF?" "ALF?" "IN HERE!" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "BUILDING A BETTER CAT TRAP." "[ Clunk ]" "HOW'D THE JUMP GO?" "GREAT." "HE DID IT." "NICE GOING, WILLIE." "LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE TAN MAN." "YOU SAID HE'D END UP A RED SMEAR ON THE LANDSCAPE." "I SAID, HE MIGHT END UP A RED SMEAR ON THE LANDSCAPE." "WELL, HONEY, TELL ME," "WHAT'S NEXT FOR THE CONQUERING HERO?" "OH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW." "I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT ON THE WAY DOWN." "I'D STILL LIKE TO DISCOVER THAT NEW GALAXY." "MAYBE PLAY PRO FOOTBALL FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS." "TAKE THE WHOLE GANG AND MOVE TO NEW GUINEA." "OF COURSE, FIRST," "I HAVE TO GET THE RADIATOR FLUSHED."