"[ thunder crashes ] [laughsevilly] [ sawing ]" "[ electricity crackles ] it'salive!" "[ thunder crashes ] [laughsevilly] [ smooch!" "] [ laughs evilly ] hey!" "unh!" "hey!" "unh!" "hey!" "ourgame,"candycrushsaga ," is so simple and addictive " "Just match three items in a row!" "Ha!" "Why hasn't anyone thought of" "This before?" "yeah,I cameup withitwhen" "I was playing "bejeweled," but more importantly, who should" "Direct the "candy crash saga" movie?" "whataboutzacksnyder?" "[ whooshing ] unh!" "Ah!" "[ crashing ]" "Aah!" "[ crash ]" "This ends now!" "[ children screaming ] millionsaredead!" "butI foundthreeorange" "Candies!" "eh,tooviolent." "How about tyler perry?" "ooh,lawdy!" "I just got t'ree of dem little candies in a row, praise be to" "Jesus!" "madea,threeyearsago ,Iwas" "Sexually assaulted at a fraternity party." "Now I'm addicted to crack." "loveismorepowerfulthan" "Any addiction, baby girl." "In fact, it is one." "thatgotreallydarkand weird at the end." "eh,theyalldo." "You think it's gonna be" ""big momma's house," and then it turns into some high-school" "Girl's idea of a "relevant" play." "thosepeterjacksonmovies make a lot of money!" "¶passthemintsandshare  the treats ¶" "¶ won't the viewers think it's sweet?" "¶ thisscenehasgoneonfor45  minutes, and I still don't know" "What a hobbit is." "run,youfools!" "eh,itdoesn'tmatterwho directs it." "We're the biggest thing on the internet!" "It'll be a hit no matter what!" "you'reright!" "Hey, I gotta get home soon." ""shit my dad says" is on" "Tonight!" "oh,no,phil." "No." "No, it isn't." "hahahaha-ha!" "Hahaha ha-ha!" "Hahahahahahaha!" "[ cellphone rings ] hello?" "Oh, dad?" "Why are you calling?" "What?" "When?" "I ju" " I just saw her!" "Oh, my god." "Was the other driver drunk or..." "Yeah, I'll hop on the first" "Plane out of here." "[ sniffles ]" "I love you, dad." "[ sobbing ] wuhaha ha-ha." "Wuhaha ha-ha." "Wuhahahahahaha ha-haaaaaa." ""andthedragonand the  squirrel skipped down" "Peppercorn lane..." hey!" "huh?" "What?" "Ineedyoutounderstandthat" "Once you fall asleep, there is zero value in me reading this" "Book." "Isuredidhaveagoodtime" "Tonight, jack." "yeah,metoo." "Maybe we could -- oh, no!" "Tonight's the full moon?" "Run, sally!" "Run away as fast as you can!" "I'm a werewolf!" "[ groaning ] no,jack,I'mstaying!" "I love you!" "wait,what?" "!" "Iloveyou!" "[groaning] thank you?" ""thankyou"?" "I say "I love you," and you say" ""thank you"?" "oh,are..." "We..." "Doingthis" "Now?" "[ groans ] [ straining ] I think you..." "Are very nice!" "I just got out of a long-term thing, so " "Look, I'm turning into a werewolf." "You should really go -- aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo!" "[ sighs ] oh, god." "What did I do to sally last night?" "youmademe thehappiestgirl  in the world!" "[ both conversing in iranian ]" "oh,yeah!" "go,go,go !" "[ machine gunfire ] staydown!" "Staydown!" "Get on the ground!" "[ clock ticking ] andyoufeelthe armytook  advantage of you?" "yes!" "I can't control what happens" "When anybody says "hey, kool-aid!"" "oh,yeah!" "what?" "what?" "what?" "keeprolling." "so,yousee,kids,ifyou" "Share with others, others will share with you " "Aah!" "[ children scream ] [ cellphone beeps ] siri,I 'mhungryfora" "Burrito." "[ cellphone beeps ]" "I'msorry,bane." "I don't understand you." "[ cellphone beeps ] Iwantyoutofind mea" "Burrito store, siri." "[ cellphone beeps ] yourvoiceis barelyaudible, bane." "[ cellphone beeps ] burritosinbane'sstomach" "Now!" "[ cellphone beeps ] perhapsa maskwasabad costume choice." "aah!" "wewilldrinkhere,lawrence." "wait." "Whoownsthiswell ?" "wearethirsty!" "We will drink!" "whostealthewaterfrom the sheik?" "aah!" "I'llbreakyourback!" "I'llmakeyouhumble!" "mynameis t.E.Lawrence," "And I could use your assistance in this war, sir." "nowyoufriendswithsheiky baby!" "I'm gonna break your back!" "suchbravery!" "I'llmakeyouhumble!" "he'squitethewarrior." "youngmenmakewar ." "Old men make peace." "Oh!" "Son of a bitch!" "I'llmakeyouhumble!" "okay..." "[ camel spits ] ah!" "I'll make you humble!" "that'sa littleexcessive." "ah!" "[ spits]" "Sand show no respect." "Sheik put you in the camel" "Clutch!" "okay,thisguy'scrazy." "didlawrenceandsheikybaby  win the war?" "Idon'tknow." "This movie is 3 hours and 48" "Minutes long." "A lot of stuff happened." "[ tires screech ] [ birds chirping ] [sobbing]" "greetings,boosandghouls!" "Boys and girls!" "Boos and ghouls!" "[bleep] that was barely coherent!" "Tonight we have three tales of terror guaranteed to chill you" "To the "groans"!" "Wait, the word "bones" was" "Already scary." "Why'd we -- okay." "Who cares?" "Let's keep this turd train rolling." "[ thunder rumbles ] Ilovemy newunicorn" "Trapper keeper!" "The old gypsy said not to open" "It after midnight." "Oh, well." "Couldn't hurt." "[neighs] hello, tracy!" "Let's be best friends forever!" "oh,mygod!" "Yes !" "I love you!" "say,who'sthis?" "oh,that'sjustmyboyfriend, charlie." "[nickers]helooksfun." "uh,yeah,Iguess." "what'sthis?" "Apoolparty?" "Count me in!" "whoa!" "A unicorn!" "youlooklikeyou coulduse" "Some sunscreen!" "yeah,I guessIdoneed some ." "whoops!" "Nohands!" "Better improvise!" "[laughs]thattickles!" "[ laughs ] oh,yeah." "hey,charlie-- aaaaah!" "[muffledscreaming] couldhaveswornItied a" "Sock on the door, tracy." "oh,mygod!" "You 'reamonster!" "You're a pervert!" "You're -- aah!" "thatwasawarning." "Walk away." "I'dratherride." "[ both grunting ] ohh!" "Ooh,ahh." "All you've done is made me" "Stronger." "Uh-oh." "youwannagetsucked?" "Get sucked!" "nooooo!" "[ echoing neigh ] it'sfinallyover,baby." "bye-bye,collegefund." "collegefund?" "[ camera beeping ]" "Ew." "oh,hello!" "I was just enjoying the latest best "heller"!" "[ laughs ] this is actually dan brown's" ""inferno." it's a piece of shit." "Our next tale is something of an "alle-gory"!" "You might say it's a "meta-gore"!" "Let's just roll it." "[ crickets chirping ]" "getout..." "Get out of the house." "Get out of the hou-- whydon'tyouget yourtongue" "Out of your daddy's [bleep]hole so I can jam your mama's [bleep]" "Up there, you [bleep]-gargling pile of monkey spunk?" "Nothing to say now, huh?" "there'sjustalot tounpack" "There." "well,wakeme up whenyou" "Figure it out, shit stick." "[ snores ] [ yawns ]" "Blam!" "Where's your [bleep]-ass art" "Project now, [bleep] nut?" "itwasn'tsupposedtobeart!" "It was supposed to scare you!" "God!" "Forget it!" "I'm leaving!" "[ crickets chirping ] strawberry shortcake!" "huh?" "What?" "getoutof thehouse!" "[ thunder rumbles ] aaaaah!" "hey,[ bleep]clown,if you're ragging so bad, why don't you" "Take your mama's tampon out of your daddy's [bleep]hole and" "Lick it clean before you shove it up your [bleep]?" "hey,stoptalkingaboutmy dad's [bleep]hole!" "I'll leave town, okay?" "Oh, fyi, that isn't blood." "That is strawberry jam, m'lady." "The insulation is leaking." "All I did was turn the painting upside down." "Live with it." "doyouthinkhewasright" "About the insulation?" "That could be berry expensive." "hmm,let'ssee." "That depends on whether I give a [bleep], shit tits!" "Dun dun-dun-daaaa!" "Bitch pudding!" "Blam!" "[ crash ] Ishouldreallymove." "nowthat'swhatIcall  bare-bones storytelling!" "[ laughs ] it's like the writers were" ""scare-ly" trying!" "[ laughs ]" "Let's keep moving." "honey,I 'mrunningto the" "Store!" "youbecarefulout there," "George r.R. Martin." "hey,george!" "George r.R. Martin!" "George!" "when'sthenextbookgonnabe" "Finished?" "willitbe finishedtoday?" "saytoday!" "isjonsnow'smom really" "Melisandre?" "It makes perfect sense, if you" "Think about it!" "hey,george!" "If the land beyond the wall is a metaphor for canada Thenwhat'snewjersey?" "aredirewolvesreal?" "canI haveemiliaclarke's phone number?" "three-eyedraven!" "canI dobrienne?" "stay- -stayback!" "georger.R.Martin!" "oh!" "No!" "No!" "isbriennedoable?" "jonandygritte!" "thatwasweird." "Anyway, tune in next "shriek"" "When we -- oh, we're not back next" ""shriek"?" "We were canceled years ago?" "You mean "fears" ago!" "Oh, you're serious." "Well, [bleep] me, jerry, I -- [ laughs ] [ sobbing ] jerry, where'd you go?" "Jerry, where'd you go?" "!" "Don't leave your boy, jerry!" "I'm your boy!" "Why-y-y?" "I've got nowhere to go!" "[ sobbing ]"