"THE YEAR OF THE CANCER" "You make too much money." "I'll do anything for you, but I'm no accountant." "What are you looking for?" "Cotton wool." "On that shelf." "It's bloody hot here." "Because we can't adjust the heating." "Will you put the cotton wool back?" "Today." "Yes, darling." "Who's that girl?" "Girl?" "You sound like an American." "In America, they'll call an 80 year old a "girl"." "This girl's 30." "Her name's Toni." "She's not interesting." "She looks good for her age." "You'd be stuck with her." "She's head hairdresser and you don't want to know how she got there." "Hands of bronze green oak-wood." "I have to go." "Want a sherry?" "No." "I do." "Pierre, this is Toni." "Toni, this is Pierre." "Hello." "Hi." "See you tomorrow." "Karel's outside." "Don't make him wait." "I wasn't going to." "That Karel of hers beats her up." "Does he?" "And he's right." "She's a prick-teaser." "When will you come to the show?" "Tomorrow evening." "In Maastricht." "Did you watch?" "What a terrible audience." "Stiff as a board." "Hurry, Toni." "Keep your head still." "That was fun, wasn't it?" "You didn't think so." "I'll tell you something funny then." "Is something going on between you and my hairdresser?" "Quite possibly." "You're kidding." "And?" "Have you...?" "I can't bear to think about it." "So cheap." "Those press assholes." "Always the same story." "Amsterdam or Maastricht, they're just like the police." "They're never there when you need them." "Can't you do it faster?" "Do you know what you should do?" "No." "Get lost." "Break a leg." "I'll do my own make-up." "She can get stuffed." "We always used to give concerts at home." "My mother would sing and my father would play the violin." "Brahms, Schubert." "Beautiful." "When he left, I got the violin." "I was very happy with it." "And proud." "After months of practice, I was able to play one tune." "When he came to visit later, I trashed the thing in front of him." "He didn't understand." "Yes, and what do you want?" "You." "Me?" "Yes, nothing else." "But I'm not a violin." "What are you talking about?" "Music history." "Toni doesn't love me and I don't love Toni." "I'll cheat again tonight." "I thought your friend was the quiet type." "The things I've had to listen to." "What?" "I won't tell you." "Are you in love with him?" "Not yet, but I could be." "You know what you should do?" "Stick to the dirty losers that are your type." "You've got clammy hands." "I'm very nervous." "How come?" "I don't know." "Just leave me alone." "I thought everything was allowed here." "Do you think Daan's still in love with me?" "Can't you tell for yourself?" "Do you still want me?" "Even more than earlier." "Me too." "But I don't want to want you." "I've too often been too fast." "I want to wait a bit." "You don't have to tell me." "Do you want to go to your own room first?" "You're very sweet." "That's all I can think of." "I love you." "I got stitched there when I had Muisje." "It often hurts." "You have the sweetest mouse hole in the world." "I'm tired." "It's a day with two mornings." "But you can do it if you want." "Let's get some sleep." "I want to lie really close to you." "I didn't think this would happen to me at the age of 30." "What?" "Something like you." "Except." "Except what?" "That funny big guy on the bike last night." "I feel so happy, but he's probably sad again." "He won't feel like getting up." "Have him tracked down." "Maybe you can help him." "Dick." "Bitch." "In a couple of hours, you'll be in Zwolle and I'll be in Amsterdam." "Yes, great topic of conversation." "Yes." "Do you still like me?" "Kind of." "And do you like me?" "Yes, and I'm not hiding it." "Toni's good, isn't she?" "Yes, very good." "You didn't expect that, did you?" "Are you alone?" "Yes, she thought I was too young." "Will you want my egg?" "I'm thinking about renting a house." "On a canal." "Four rooms." "I was expecting it." "How old is she?" "Your age." "No!" "Sometimes you're just like your father." "Well, thanks." "She's 30." "She works for Daan as a hairdresser." "She's very sweet and whimsical." "I'm really crazy about her." "But she's married and she has a four year old daughter." "Dear mummy, what should I do?" "Do I have to answer that?" "No." "38 minutes late." "Where were you?" "I couldn't help it." "Karel was supposed to leave, but he didn't." "I kept thinking of you." "He probably saw it in my face." "I missed you." "What did you do?" "Did you fuck?" "Yes, three times a day." "You?" "I won't tell." "Can I come with you?" "No, I don't want that." "Not in my house." "Karel doesn't do that either." "Does he often have someone else?" "Yes, three times a day." "Be serious." "I don't know." "I don't go to bed with him anymore anyway." "Why not?" "All I ask of him is that he washes himself." "When I get into bed with him." "I have to go home quickly." "I can't leave Muisje alone for too long." "Thanks for the lift." "Don't act so sad." "We have plenty of time." "I keep thinking you tricked me in Maastricht." "That you only wanted to know if you could get me." "And if that's true..." "What then?" "I can't even think about it." "You're crazy." "So are you." "Bye, darling." "Do you know what Karel says?" "The world doesn't need another goldsmith." "People already make more beautiful things than he ever could." "Does he say that?" "Yes." "What do you live off of then?" "I work, don't I?" "That's too easy." "What's stopping you?" "Yes, come." "And keep looking at me." "I'd almost think you were being tortured." "That something terrible was happening to you." "Tell me a little secret." "My biggest secret, that I've never told anyone... is that I don't like it." "I never did." "No matter what you do to me, I don't feel anything." "Never?" "Once." "When Karel took my virginity." "And I was on top of him." "Then something great happened." "I felt as if I no longer existed." "He was the only one I trusted, back then." "But after that, nothing." "No one." "I used to pretend." "Just like Tineke and Selma." "Men don't even notice." "They're too self-absorbed." "It's our little secret." "We'll take it into our graves." "Do you ever do it yourself?" "Sometimes." "How?" "With my hand." "With the telephone." "Pathetic, isn't it?" "No." "But how can I know what you like if you don't know?" "It's just something in me that's not working." "But now I know your little secret." "I want only you to know." "If you could do something about it, I'd drop everything." "I'd go with you." "Anywhere." "I'll remind you of that." "It if happens." "Quiet, damnit!" "Oh, the neighbour." "Shut up!" "Come, darling." "Who rides so late through the windy night?" "The father holding his young son so tight." "Came too quickly." "I love a day off with my lover." "You're quiet." "I'm admiring you." "Well, well." "Nuts for Muisje." "No, I'm paying." "Do you have to pee?" "You know everything about me." "What can I do for you?" "The john." "My wife would like to use the facilities." "Show the lady the way." "Your mother was here yesterday." "I'll have a look around." "As you wish." "Pick something." "That one." "This one." "Sir, madam." "This coat." "It's all not my style." "But I want the coat." "What do you want of me, Pierre?" "Do you want to improve me?" "Make me better than I am?" "Do you think a 700 guilder dress could change me?" "Even my own mother didn't know what to do with me." "So don't count on me." "Why are you laughing?" "Eating is the best thing there is." "I know something even better." "You should take up running." "Why?" "That's a faster and cheaper way to release tension than with me." "You can go to your table." "Thanks." "I'd like an orderly life." "I can rent a canal house." "What about Muisje?" "The house has enough rooms." "You can see it on Friday." "No." "Coward." "It won't work between us." "It needs time." "Do you like outdoor fairs?" "Awful." "See?" "I love them." "Do you like to watch TV in the evening?" "I love it." "Without doing anything else?" "Like what?" "You know very well what I mean." "Do you want to fuck me?" "Now?" "What, after that lunch?" "Out of sheer horniness?" "There!" "You can go as fast as you want." "I have to get Muisje from day-care." "As long as I don't have to do anything." "Go ahead." "I'm coming." "Oh, that's terrible." "I came." "And you know how?" "I thought I'd never see you again." "It felt like a warm wave went through me." "I'll always remember this." "Later." "Later." "Why later?" "I'm a Cancer." "They're always nostalgic." "It's nothing, darling." "It's a reaction." "It was so very good." "I'm so happy." "But that's because of the presents." "You're beautiful." "Hello, darling." "I counted my men." "There's 14 of them." "Is that a lot for a 30 year old?" "So Karel wasn't the only one." "No, but he was the first one." "And then he left me for a girlfriend of mine." "Then I was alone for a while." "I sometimes had someone." "Someone like Hans." "I've treated him like shit." "I laughed at him with my friends because he followed me." "He was very good-looking." "Black eyes, black hair." "Jealous?" "A bit." "Does Karel still mean anything to you?" "I don't think about him anymore." "How many women have you had?" "Yes, never mind." "I'd have loved to live in a cute house like this." "But they would have burned me as a witch." "How much did this cost?" "200,000." "Did you buy it?" "Yes, as an investment." "Muisje can get the attic." "She'd love spending nights here." "Living here." "That's for later." "Not for now." "Later." "Always later." "You want the sofa there, don't you?" "This is what you want." "The first time in your new house." "You smell of Karel." "Fucking asshole." "I don't want you to cheat on me." "You're sick." "You have to ruin everything." "You don't understand." "I do, but I don't like it." "And now I have to pee." "Do it on the floor." "Are you crazy?" "When a man doesn't watch his woman pee anymore, he doesn't love her anymore." "Says Homer." "Really?" "Yes." "Come then." "You didn't think I was serious, did you?" "By the way, it wasn't Homer who said that." "Who then?" "Hugo Claus?" "Who then?" "Who then?" "It's an old French saying." "My head's doing it to my body." "What?" "I love you, but I'm thinking of other things." "Of what then?" "That I play the main part in a movie... that I have to do a sex scene with Daan and that he really fucks me... in front of the entire crew." "See?" "I'm no longer in love with you." "People are never in love for long." "But I love you." "Exactly what I didn't want!" "Then don't." "You like being unhappy, don't you?" "Shall I try again with Karel then?" "Don't be so obnoxious." "What should I do for you then?" "Just name it." "Should I lay like this?" "Should I look like that?" "On your belly." "No, not on my belly." "It reminds me of my hospital examination with all those people around me." "I've never felt so humiliated." "Open your mouth." "I have a furry tongue." "And I don't want you to give me orders." "You sound like my mother." "She also wanted me to love her." "If I didn't, she'd play the invalid." "I only want to do what I feel." "What do you feel then?" "Nothing." "I thought everything was alright with you." "That I could say everything I wanted." "No sex when I don't feel like it." "Sleep when I want to." "But you're just like the others." "What do you want from me, Pierre?" "Do you want me to become someone else?" "No matter what happens to us, I'll always be your buddy." "Do you like lemonade?" "I like milkshakes." "Good that you called." "I have to tell you something." "I have to go on holiday to the Canary Islands, with Muisje and Karel." "For 8 days." "A cheap deal." "Why do you look at me like that?" "Sometimes I feel like a jukebox." "When you press a button, I have to produce music." "My dearest jukebox." "Now I'm pressing the button." "Can't you laugh for a change?" "Good, that looks much sweeter." "Do you want another pastry?" "Muisje?" "No, thanks." "I'll go then." "Don't be so obnoxious." "You go then." "Get lost." "If that's what you want." "No!" "Ok then!" "I think you're very sweet." "I can't think of anything else." "Except that I think you're very sweet." "I wanted to send you a postcard, but I was never alone." "When were we in the American Hotel, in that room?" "Two weeks ago." "Why?" "I think I've been sloppy with the pill." "Are you pregnant by me?" "That's the thing." "You have the biggest chance." "If I'm sure it's yours, I don't mind." "Did you go to bed with someone else?" "Only once." "Who is it this time, damn it?" "Karel, Jesus." "Why did you have to do that?" "I had no reason to refuse." "No?" "He'd been whining for 3 days that he had nothing to fuck." "So you thought let's get it over with." "No, I thought let's not ruin our holiday." "I couldn't get out of it." "You have to understand." "Hey, darling." "I'll be right back." "Look." "That's great." "And this is for Muisje." "Fantastic." "I have to drink that junk every day." "Pietje says it helps." "She was two months into it." "Are you coming home with me?" "We can play the record there." "I can't." "Muisje's alone tonight." "We'll go and get her." "You know I don't do that." "I'm coming anyway." "It's going to come out sooner or later anyway." "Can I pay, please?" "I'll check on Muisje." "To your pregnancy." "Damn it." "I'd like to have a child with you." "As long as it looks a lot like you." "Because you're the sweetest woman in the whole world." "And you're an asshole." "He's been waiting across the road." "Hello, darling." "Harry wasn't home." "Karel, meet Pierre." "Do you want a glass of wine?" "I'd prefer a beer." "I've heard you're good friends." "Yes, pretty good." "Toni's a good girl." "We get along fine." "A pity she has to deal with scum." "Like Daan." "I make us a living with that scum." "That's not the point." "Her previous lover was bald." "He still gives me lip when I see him." "I have to go." "Won't you stay for dinner?" "I'm seeing someone." "Stew." "No." "Visit us again soon." "We don't often see people who are in finance." "Yes, I will." "Yes, come back soon, darling." "Do you call him darling too?" "Can I go?" "Yes, see you tomorrow." "Madam, sir." "A sherry and a beer." "Shall I turn you into someone else?" "That would be good." "I can only change your face." "It's a start." "I haven't told you what happened to me last night." "You won't believe it." "All I know is that I came home drunk as hell... and that I planted myself somewhere in Muisje's room." "Karel says I walked up to him stark naked... looked at him without seeing him, stood away from the bed... and pissed all over the floor." "No." "Yes." "He says he yelled:" ""What are you doing?"" "And I replied: "Fuck me."" "And did he?" "He says he did." "He didn't want to, but he felt sorry for me." "And then I cried in his arms, for an hour." "And that's how you woke up this morning." "No, I didn't." "He must have made it up." "Yes, he must." "What's so funny?" "I'm expecting you to get angry and to yell at me." "No matter how drunk I get, I'd never do that to you." "Look at that idiot." "Dick." "Idiot!" "You're still my big love." "What?" "It would be best if we all lived together." "Karel, Pierre, Muisje and me." "But that's impossible." "Pierre hates Karel." "Just like Daan." "What does Karel have that makes those two hate him so much?" "You." "Who's that?" "Six o'clock." "Toni." "You're early." "Take the bag." "What happened?" "Don't touch me." "I think I'm going crazy." "Can I have another daddy?" "Go to sleep, darling." "What happened?" "Karel knows everything." "It's not his fault but all the talking about Muisje..." "And all the crying about Muisje." "I can't stand it." "You've got what you wanted." "You've told him everything." "How did your parents do it, live together?" "My father walked out on us." "Damn it!" "They didn't teach us anything." "And God doesn't exist either." "You and Karel can get lost too." "There." "That's that." "And now?" "I can always live with Nadja and Ronnie for a while." "Can't you try here?" "No." "Just a weekend." "I have to do it on my own first." "And you too." "And..." "God for us all." "Don't be so inflexible, dick." "You're acting like me." "Did you think I was different?" "I came too fast, didn't I?" "Happens often these days." "And I can't do it a second time yet." "You don't have to." "I want to be a good lover to you." "You are." "I made spaghetti for Nadja and Ronnie." "Nadja's as grumpy in the morning as me." "I got my period." "Isn't that great?" "We're going home." "Give me a hand." "Look." "Did you talk to Karel?" "I called but he was never home." "He can see Muisje as often as he wants." "When I get my mother's inheritance, he'll get half." "How cute." "Give me a break." "You live in the past too much." "I'm a Cancer." "Why don't you move in with me?" "You can always move out again." "With Nadja and Ronnie, I can be myself." "With you, there'd always be that tension of..." "let's call it love." "And we don't want that." "No, I'm scared." "I wouldn't want to miss it." "But it also scares me a bit." "Especially the jealousy, the greediness." "All the bad things that go with it." "If you want, I'll forget about my work." "I'll buy a station wagon and we'll go travel." "Tunesia, Italy, I don't know." "Just travel a bit." "It's up to you." "With a nanny for Muisje." "I want to stay with you." "Me too." "It would be great." "But I can't do it yet." "Not yet." "I'm too confused." "And it wouldn't be good if you pay for everything." "This is a good one." "So is this." "Shall I hang it up?" "Why not?" "Pierre?" "Toni." "Toni!" "Can't you put something on?" "Creep." "If you don't like it, you can leave the room." "You keep looking at your watch." "Are you expecting someone?" "I have to check some tax papers with Daan." "Maybe I'll do that tonight." "Daan is performing in Haarlem tonight." "And you're seeing Mr Bruinsma at 7." "Are you doing anything tonight?" "No, I'm free." "Then you can type this for me." "And cancel Bruinsma." "The theatre?" "What are you doing here?" "Haven't you heard?" "She went back to Amsterdam." "Karel is in hospital." "I don't know what happened." "Didn't you know?" "No." "I just thought I'd drop by." "Maybe this isn't the moment to tell you, but stay out of that mess." "Hi." "Hello." "What happened?" "He slit his wrists." "Dead?" "No." "Is she with him?" "Yes." "What are you doing here?" "How is he?" "I'm furious." "How dare he do that to Muisje." "What's the asshole trying to prove?" "What?" "He wants to make me feel guilty." "I'm not." "I wish he had died." "Now we have to wait here to see if he survives." "Is that loving someone?" "Isn't Toni here?" "She stayed with Karel." "With Karel?" "They're married, remember?" "Can I make a phone call?" "Go ahead." "How is it going?" "Not bad." "The bandages can come off the day after tomorrow." "Why did you stay with him?" "He has a fever." "Sometimes he sleeps in my arms." "Isn't it contagious?" "Nothing's happening." "But you two do talk?" "Bloody hell, can't you leave them in peace?" "Joris says hello." "You belong to Karel, not to me." "Nobody belongs to anybody." "I love you." "I love you too." "Are you back on your feet?" "Where's Muisje?" "With Nadja, as you know." "I forgot." "You also forgot you wouldn't be here." "That I was getting my stuff." "It's a pain that you're here anyway." "A pain for who?" "For all of us." "But I live here." "Don't forget this." "It's yours." "I won't wear it anymore." "Never?" "No." "I already have a coat." "Yes, I know." "I was never allowed to buy expensive things for you." "I'd rather not talk to you." "What have we here?" "What's that, darling?" "A little family in Volendam costumes." "A man, a woman and a child." "A family." "Don't start." "I hope you realise what you've done." "Just to Muisje alone." "You take something too." "Damn, what a terrible day!" "You've got a cool boat, Toni." "She insisted on her own house." "And she's right too." "Karel often said I was unfair." "And now I believe it." "That that's why he hit me." "I'll never learn." "What?" "How to live." "Do something positive." "Help me." "Man and woman approach the deity." "It's in The Magic Flute." "Magic flute with magic balls." "I want another child." "I also want a child from Pierre." "No, me first." "Or at the same time." "See which one's more beautiful." "What if you get a boy and I don't?" "That's quite possible." "The gender of the child is determined by who had the strongest orgasm." "You can drop dead." "Who's coming to bed?" "Me, we've liked each other for so long." "I think so too, darling." "Can you also do it with your own wife?" "Try it." "Alright, I'll go to bed alone again." "Don't always make it so clear you want to go to bed with me." "It's not exciting." "I don't have anything to do with anybody." "Not with you either." "What have you got to do with me?" "Nothing." "You're no more in love with me anymore as I am with you." "True or not?" "No." "Nothing has changed for me." "It has for me." "It's become less and it's changed." "When?" "When I dumped Karel." "And now?" "I was in love with you, but not anymore." "I have different feelings for you now." "The strongest feelings I've ever had for anyone." "I love you." "But I'm no longer in love with you." "I want to go on a holiday." "I can rent a house in the Ardennes." "Are you coming?" "Now I'm inviting you for a change." "Are you coming?" "All of us." "All of us." "Yes, but..." "But what?" "You can fuck as much as you want." "Me!" "I can?" "You make it sound like a reward." "Alright, I'm coming." "Hey, fries." "Fries?" "Yes." "It's closed." "I can see that." "Could you find everything?" "Yes." "Do you want a drink, darling?" "Yes." "What can I get you?" "A pernod, please." "Yuck, how can you drink that?" "I forgot the water." "Forget about the water, but I'd appreciate a glass." "Or did you think this would do the job?" "I should give you a job." "Tineke just came back from town." "She got all the groceries." "How about that glass?" "Or did Muisje pee in them?" "Joris, want a pernod?" "Not a bad idea." "Get two glasses." "Muisje, get lost." "Leave me in peace." "Toni, kick that child out!" "Use the table." "How can you explain to a four year old?" "She can play." "Just explain it." "Explain it?" "Get lost, this is a pain." "Children should be in bunkers, behind bars." "And every hour an injection." "I'm coming too." "Ok." "You're such an asshole sometimes." "What did I do, darling?" "Nothing, that's the point." "Why didn't you say Muisje could use her bike in the room?" "My mother wouldn't like bikes in the house either." "She can go outside with it." "Very simple." "In the rain?" "You don't love Muisje, because she isn't yours." "Can you stop for a moment?" "You can fuck as much as you want." "Me." "Why do you say that now?" "Old fart." "Why do you wake me up this early?" "Muisje's also still asleep." "Your mother wouldn't have left you alone either, darling." "Hello, little darling." "Shall I spoil you?" "Shall I make you a great omelette?" "When will we be alone for a change?" "Where did you sleep?" "Here." "This is the best part." "Thanks, Pierre." "Why did you bring me here?" "Because I look so dirty?" "Because I couldn't be bothered changing?" "Yes." "Why is this happening to us?" "You know, but you're not telling." "I don't know." "It feels like you're abandoning me." "That I no longer exist for you." "And the bad thing is that I can't live without you." "Me neither." "Then why do you drink so much every night?" "So that you don't have to touch me?" "Am I drunk now?" "No." "Well then?" "I don't touch you, because you don't touch me." "That's a good one." "Not since four days." "The last time I had the honour to share your bed... you turned around and started to snore." "You don't need to mimic me." "All my lovers have told me I snored." "And they've all mimicked me, just like you." "I don't want to think about what I say and do all the time." "Only because I'm supposed to be in love with you." "As if I have to get good grades all the time." "If I tell you how sweet and beautiful you are, all the time... then I'll get an 8 or a 9." "But what you really want is a 10." "For desert I recommend the specialty of the house." "Strawberries in sabayon." "Or else..." "No, fuck off!" "I want to go home." "Jesus." "I want to get out of here." "I love you." "Can you get me a cab?" "Sir, it's nothing." "She must be a bit stressed." "Do you want me to call you a cab?" "Yes, please." "This is how I prefer you." "When you're not hiding." "How nice of you to visit us." "Would you like a drink?" "We've been renting out this house for ten years... but no one ever behaved like this." "We've tried to make it nice and comfortable... but I'm afraid you haven't understood at all." "The plumber told me that your toilet's blocked." "He says you put all kinds of objects in the toilet." "Such as, madam?" "He kept the objects, sir." "As proof?" "As proof, indeed." "Who of us had their period?" "Muisje?" "There were intimate objects in the toilet." "You're such an asshole." "You stayed out of it completely." "Or are you on that stuck up woman's side." "Let's say I can follow her line of reasoning." "I thought as much." "But you could have said something." "Did I rent the house?" "So I'm solely responsible?" "You're not involved at all." "Hardly." "Hardly." "I always knew you'd be gone if I ever needed you." "This is it." "I'm going." "A shame you never gave me a real chance." "The fairy tale's finished." "A beautiful dream ended." "I'm going to New York next month." "Come with me." "Forget about her." "I don't get it." "How can a cold fish like you be devastated like an adolescent?" "What do you want, asshole?" "I thought I'd drop by." "Gee, how nice." "What do you do these days?" "I had a castration." "No." "That's lovely." "Is that your new boyfriend?" "You're so nervous." "Me?" "Because you're here?" "Not at all." "I don't hide anything anymore." "Each day, I write down what I feel." "And I show it to Karel and Pietje." "Are you happy?" "I clean up everything right away now." "I think I'll change jobs." "What will you do?" "Social worker." "Interesting." "Damn it, you just have to do it." "You've always thought I was useless." "How is he in bed these days?" "None of your fucking business." "I'm not jealous." "At least not the way I used to be." "I have to get used to him again." "Maybe I'll become... the way I was before I knew you." "Please don't." "That's sweet of you." "I have to go downstairs." "Yes, you have to go downstairs." "Maybe I'll suddenly realise... that you're the only one." "In a week maybe." "In three months, in a year." "Did you write that down too or did you just make that up?" "Hello." "Who the hell is that?" "Toni." "Don't cry." "Where are you?" "I'm coming." "Totally upset." "I'm going there." "Hi." "Hello." "I didn't know how to get through the night." "I haven't heard from you at all." "Nor I from you." "You could have called." "Can we go to your place?" "No." "Aren't you alone?" "No." "Me neither."