"ANNOUNCER:" "Jackie Gleason." "The Honeymooners'" "I'm on-stage in a theater just like the one where The Honeymooners filmed their shows in New York City." "This here, this is the Kramdens' kitchen." "We spared no expense to bring you the ugliest and most famous room in television history." "How you doing?" "I'm Kevin James and, like all of you, I'm a huge, huge Honeymooners fan." "When I started as a struggling comedian," "I watched Jackie Gleason demonstrate exactly how it should be done." "He was a master of timing and physical comedy." "So I come to you tonight from the Kramden house to pay homage to arguably the best situation comedy in television history, The Honeymooners." "[INHALES DEEPLY]" "It started in 1951 as a sketch on the DuMont Cavalcade of Stars, moved to CBS in '52 as a regular segment on The Jackie Gleason Show, then became a half-hour black-and-white sitcom known as "The Classic 39."" "In 1956, it went back to being a live sketch on The Jackie Gleason Show." "In the early '60s, it returned as a sketch on Jackie's American Scene Magazine, got transformed into a series of one-hour musicals taped in color in Miami Beach, and then ended its 27-year run with four holiday reunion specials." "Wow, I really" " I gotta work out more." "Now, over the next hour, we're gonna show you the best of the best, or as Gleason himself would say, the greatest of the greatest." "What do you know about fishing in the first place?" "When did you ever catch anything?" "Fifteen years ago." "I caught 300 pounds of blubber." "Oh, what I'd like to..." "One of these days." "One of these days." "Pow, right in the kisser." "That's the trouble with you." "You don't know the latest developments." "I don't know the latest developments?" "Who is it that lets your pants out every other day?" "Oh, you're right, Alice." "You're right on the money." "Don't get wise." "Come on!" "Boy, I'm telling you, if pizzas were manhole covers, the sewer would be a paradise." "[RAT TRAP CLICKS AND RALPH YELLS]" "Oh, that's a beauty." "Oh, stop it." "[JET ENGINE ROARS ON TV]" "[YELLS]" "[YELLS]" "[STUTTERING]" "Don't give me any instructions, just serve." "Will you come on and serve?" "And just take a little tip from me, Ralph." "I think you should have your head examined." "You think that, Alice?" "You think I should have my head examined, huh?" "I'll have it examined, Alice, if you want." "Anywhere in the United States, I'll have it examined." "I'll go to Vienna and have it examined for you." "Vienna." "Any doctor, any place, any hospital." "They can bring doctors from the moon down hereto examine my head." "And they'll find nothing in there, Alice." "In San Francisco where I grew up, uh," "The Honeymooners were on channel 44 every night, but I never saw them, so when I finally got it, this flickering, bizarre, black-and-white image, you know, that played over and over again, it was like brand-new television to me." "What is this strange show with these people yelling?" "Well, I know Jackie Gleason, of course, and I was" "But I'd never seen it in black and white with that door that opened out into the hallways and you could see the set shake every now and again, and this ancient refrigerator that only had one item in it at anytime," "and a desk drawer and a bedroom that you never saw." "It was" " It was, uh, mind-blowing." "The Honeymooners were tough to write." "The sketches were tough to write." "Because I wouldn't do anything that wasn't" " That couldn't happen for real." "The characters were funny, the people liked them." "Once you get an audience to like the characters in something you're doing, you're two-thirds of the way home." "It's October 1951," "Jackie Gleason has an idea for a new sketch on his TV variety show, the DuMont Cavalcade of Stars, based on people he knew growing up in Brooklyn." "They were loud and they fought with each other constantly." "Jackie knew a hundred people like this." "But what he didn't know was what to call the sketch." "One idea was to call it The Beast." "Another suggestion was The Lovers." "Finally Jackie and his writers came up with a title that has lived on for 50 years, The Honeymooners." "Take a look at the very first Honeymooners sketch." "Pen Kelton plays Alice and Art Carney makes his debut, not as Ed Norton, sewer worker, but as a cop." "Is this the box that holds the bread?" "Barn!" "Out the window." "That's what you like, throw it out the window?" "Mm-hm." "Two can play the game as well as one, and I play it pretty good." "Yeah?" "You'll never stop me, Alice." "You'll never stop me." "No, Alice, no." " Good, good." " Yeah." "You can't sit down, you can't eat." "Now I'm gonna show you how much I like bread." "I'm gonna show you how much I like bread." "Here. is this the flour that you make bread with?" "Do you make bread from flour?" "There it goes." "That's what I think of the bread." "You wanna see something go out the window?" "You wanna see something go out the window?" "Yeah, yeah." "I'll show you something go out the window." "All right." "Go, go!" "I wouldn't give you the satisfaction." "[KNOCKING ON DOOR]" "I just hope that this is somebody, because I'm ready." "Did, uh, somebody throw a can of flour out the window a little while ago?" "ALICE:" "It was my fault, officer." "You see, I had it sitting on the windowsill and it just fell out." "Well, next time, uh, try to be a little more careful, will you?" "Don't let it happen again." "Sheesh." "The idea with the vest and the T-shirt and the beat-up old pants and the hat was my idea." "I thought, this is the way a guy like Ed Norton would like to dress around the house." "He's got pockets for cigarettes, candy, gum, or this and that." "The T-shirt was comfortable, the hat has a lot of charm to it." "[CHUCKLES]" "And that was it." "Jackie and Art Carney, uh, were supposed to be getting drunk." "They thought they were drinking wine." "Instead they were drinking grape juice, and that was the premise, and so they kept getting drunker and drunker." "But they went totally off the script and started improvising." "And I remember the crew was laughing, the audience was hysterical, and you knew that they weren't sticking to the script, and I think that was probably a precursor to Tim Conway and Harvey Korman." "You know, the girls are gonna trick them, into thinking" ""Let's dump the wine out, put grape juice in." "The boys are gonna think they'll get drunk."" "And I said, "You know what?" "There's a moment there where you guys just aren't saying anything, and it's a brilliant, hila--"" "I mean, I was laughing out loud when I was watching it." "And Gleason goes:" "[MIMICS GLEASON LAUGHING]" ""That Connie."" "As we say in the sewer, here's mud in your eye." "ANNOUNCER:" "When we come back, an early Honeymooners sketch not seen for 50 years." "By 1952, the show moved to CBS." "And it was in that year that the world was introduced to a new Alice Kramden, the lovely Audrey Meadows." "Her first appearance was on The Jackie Gleason Show on September 20th, 1952." "The sketch was called "The New Bowling Ball"" "and it has not been seen since the original air date." "ED:" "Can you hurry up?" "We're late." "I'm not going on account of my wife." "My thumb is so swollen, I can't even get it out of the ball." "Why don't you go on a diet?" "Maybe it'll drop off." "This happens to be a catastrophe." "Why don't you stop moaning and groaning, and let's try to get the ball off?" "Norton, I'll hold Ralph, you try and pull it off his finger." "Now, be careful." "It's my thumb." "On the count of three." " One, two, three." " Aah!" "CARNEY:" "Even when we did the 39 half-hours, it was live." "We never stopped unless a camera conked out or something like that, or something drastic happened." "You know, somebody slipped and fell and hurt themselves or something." "But from top to bottom, live." "We did one when we didn't have a script." "Uh, I walked in about 6:30 at night and they gave me the script and I said, "This is terrible."" "The guy said, "We're going on in an hour and a half."" "I said, "Well, it's all right." I said" " Pen Kelton was Alice." "I said, "Pert, and Art and I will go over to my apartment and we'll write a little sketch."" "So we went over to the apartment." "And I sat Pert down at the typewriter." "She was gonna type." "So she typed "Honeymooners, " and we sat and I said," ""Maybe we ought to have a little drink to roll this thing."" "And we had a couple of more drinks, still didn't get anything." "Then I said, "Look, we know The Honeymooners." "I'll go on-stage and start an argument with Pert." "When it's going good, you walk in, Carney, and say anything you want." "I'll chase you out of the house and I'll say, 'You're the greatest,' and that's it."" "And we did it." "And I thought that that was it." "We were sure to be thrown off the air." "And the guy from, uh, Nescafé comes up in the dressing room, he says," ""That's the best Honeymooners you've done up to now."" " Hello, this is Uncle Ed." " Shh." "Don't scare the kid." "[HUMMING]" "Look in the sink." "See if there's a nipple there." "No." " Hey." " Nipple?" "No, but I found one of these here." "How about this?" " And what good is that?" " Just pour the milk in it." "Then when we get the milk in there, we cut the end off with a scissor on the middle finger, and it acts like a nipple." " That's not a bad idea." " Yeah, hold it." "You know something, Ralph?" "We should patent this idea." "It's a good idea for mothers with quintuplets." " Where are the scissors?" " It's in the drawer, top drawer." "All right, just squeeze it so it won't come out through the finger if I cut it." "All right, yeah." " You got it?" " I got it." "Get the middle finger there." "There was something about the black-and-white photography of those kinescopes, that fuzzy black-and-white, that made it look like it was truly beamed from somebody's apartment." "You know, somewhere in Brooklyn." "In 1955, CBS executives met with Jackie Gleason to discuss turning the live Honeymooners sketches into a 30-minute situation comedy." "These are what comedy fans call "The Classic 39."" "Jackie insisted on filming them as if they were a live telecast in just one take, with no stopping for mistakes." "And that's not easy, trust me." "I'm on my third take, and I'm reading this." "Gleason claimed he did this so that the laughs and the acting were fresh and spontaneous." "This also meant that Jackie could be at the bar before the end credits had run." "Know why it's too heavy?" "The drawers are loaded with junk." "If we just take the drawers out, it'll be a lot easier to move." "Good thinking, Norton." "Go ahead." "All right, let's go." "All right, over here, come on." "A little more, a little more." "Little more." "That's it." " Wasn't that a lot easier that way?" " All right." "You get one good idea all year, you're gonna make a federal case out of it." "Still in there." "Must be stuck pretty tight." "You're doing it the hard way." "You put the switch on..." "[VACUUM WHIRRING]" "The switch is stuck, Ralph." "The screwdriver?" "What?" "The plug?" "Oh, get it out?" "Ah!" "Favorite episode?" "Uh, the golf lesson, where he, uh, tells me to address the ball." "Feet plant firmly on the ground and address the ball." "Hello, ball." "CARNEY:" "Boom, and he gives me a whack." "That and the, uh, chef of the future and the chef of the past." "Pray tell, who are you?" "Chef of the future." "Oh, hello." "I'm glad to have you aboard, chef of the future." "I'm the chef of the future." "Hello, I'm glad to have you aboard again, chef of the future." "What have you come to show me?" "Have you invented a household utensil that does the work of all these old household gadgets?" "[STUTTERING]" "This is not on film." "This is coming to you very live before your eyes." "CARNEY:" "A thing happened at the end of that sketch that wasn't planned." "I pushed him into something-- Into, uh, a flat side of scenery, and the whole thing fell down, but the cameras kept rolling." "It was in the show, you know." "But it was a funny moment." " If you have a lot of plates, all" " Aah!" "And now back to Charlie Chan." "The artistic, uh, intelligence that I think, um," "Jackie Gleason brought to Ralph Kramden, although it seems like it's a no-brainer, but I think that it's a wonderful character that he created, how he would be so compelling, so laughable, um," "and yet so touching so many times, that how can I feel so touched by him at times?" "Will you tell me one thing, please?" "How do you get us into these fixes?" "Very simple." "Very simple, Norton." "I have a big mouth!" " All right, get out." "ANNOUNCER:" "We'll be right back with more of Ralph Kramden, king of the castle." "At work, he was Ralph Kramden, bus driver." "But the minute he got home and walked through that door, he was transformed into Ralph Kramden, king of the castle." "You are the king." "Because a man's home is his castle, and in that castle, you're the king." "You're the king of your castle." "Get out!" "Out!" "Out!" "Now, you know it's my house." "You know that I'm the master of my house." "And being the master of my house, I'm the one that gives the orders." "All right, get out!" "The king, Norton." "I rule my kingdom." "Alice is just a mere peasant girl." " Oh, yeah, that's telling her, Ralph." " All right." "Trixie sent me out to see if she can have some more thread around here." " Oh, hi, sweetheart." " Hi, Ralph." "Hey, that's a mighty friendly way to talk to a peasant." "I happen to be the master of this household." "Har-har-har-dy-har-har." "Har-har-har-har-har-dy-har-har!" "Well, well, good to see you laughing there." " Get out!" " Fine." "Get out!" "Get something in your head, Alice." "I'm the king here, remember that." "This house is my castle." "I'm the king." "Remember that." "King, king, king." "You are nothing." "A peasant." "This is my house, my castle." "I'm the king." "Get my breakfast." "[ALICE LAUGHS]" "But the good thing about Kramden was that after he had tried to make a point and it was deflated, the balloon had been pricked, he, uh, shuffles and rubs his toe in the gravel and apologizes to Alice, and he tells her that he loves her," "which, in his simple mind, makes everything right." "You haven't got any sense of humor." "Oh, yes, I do." "I married you, didn't I?" "[CHUCKLING]" "Bang, zoom!" "You're going to the moon!" "Stand back, Ed." "This is liable to be messy." "You're liable to be messy in about five seconds." "You seemed to have forgotten that I am a woman." "I forgot that you're a woman?" "How could I?" "You're always yapping." "Go ahead, say it, Alice." "Say it." "Go ahead, tell me I'm a maniac." "Go ahead." "Say anything you want, but I don't care." "I don't care." "That's the way I feel." "Oh, Ralph." "I love you." " You love me?" " Yeah." "Baby, you're the greatest." "Baby, you're the greatest." "Baby, you're the greatest." "I went to the, uh, Museum of Broadcasting in New York and found a very, very early kinescope of one of the Pen Kelton episodes." "Jackie Gleason was literally svelte." "You know, we get used to the Ralph and he's, like, huge and big, and this was, literally, he almost looked like" "He looked like Dean Martin." "I've had a lot of fun being fat." "I've had a lot of fun being skinny too." "But I've been fat longer than I've been skinny," " so I've had more fun being fat." "MAN:" "I see." "Hint to Ralph always to face the camera, because when he turns profile, brother, he's the biggest thing on television." "[ALICE LAUGHS]" "You know I'm not that kind of a man." "I'm not the kind that eats and runs." "Eats and runs?" "The way you eat, you're lucky if you can walk." "Come on, sweetheart, go back to bed." "Gee, I never knew Davy Crockett was so fat." "You're the type that would bend way over and pick up a pocketbook on April Fools' Day." "I wouldn't." "You couldn't." "Two thousand dollars, Alice." "That's big, big, big." "This is probably the biggest thing I ever got into." "The biggest thing you ever got into was your pants." "I don't wanna have nothing to do with you." "If you see me coming down the street, get on the other side." "When you come down a street, there ain't no other side." "You know, Jackie never thought of himself as fat, and neither do I." "We're just highly delusional." "Unfortunately for Ralph Kramden, it seemed like everyone had something to say about his weight." "But no one got under his skin quite like his mother-in-law." "Alice, your mother isn't stepping one foot in this house." "Not one foot, or we'll never get rid of her." "The minute she steps in till the minute she steps out, she starts in on me." ""Oh, if Alice only had married those other boyfriends."" ""Oh, Ralph, why do you eat so much?" "You're so fat."" ""Well, why don't you get some furniture for the apartment?"" "Your mother's nosy, Alice." "Nosy." "What's that?" "Your lunchbox?" "Oh, you're starting right in, huh?" "Starting right in with the insults." "No warming up in the bull pen or nothing, huh?" "Starting right in." "I remember when you used to come over, you used to start slow with a couple of "hello, stupids" and stuff like that." "One of these days you're gonna push me too far." "The only thing that could push you is a bulldozer." "All right, get out!" "This is my home, and when you come in here, treat me with respect, and address me with a civil tone." "Oh, why don't you shut up?" "There isn't room in this place for you and me." "There isn't room in this place for you and anybody." "Out!" "You are a blabbermouth." "A blabbermouth." "You!" "Blabbermouth!" " Out!" " Ralph." " Out!" " Ralph." "Out!" " Well, I've had enough." " Out!" "I've had enough of this." "I'm going home." "Blabbermouth!" "The Poor Soul hasn't got a hell of a lot of ability." "But he keeps trying." "He gets schemes." "And his schemes are all to make he and Alice happy." "And, uh, he fails." "And when he fails, she feels a great deal of affection." "She knows why he did it." "And he apologizes all the time." "And we don't need a new washing machine, Ralph." "That one over there is just fine." "You remember the scheme that got us that one?" "No-cal pizza?" "[RALPH GRUMBLES]" " Like me to point out the rest of the--?" " No, you don't have to, just because I made a couple of mistakes." " Nobody's 100 percent, Alice." " You are." "You've been wrong every time." "lam going to make a fortune, and I am going to let you in on a deal." "Here we go again." " What kind of a crack is that?" " I'll tell you what kind of a crack." "You've come to me before with a chance to make a fortune." "I can't stand to make a fortune again." "I'm going broke." "He thinks he's gotta go from door to door to sell these things." "That's where my great idea comes in." "I go on television, and in five minutes, I can sell the whole 2,000 of them." "Look, how long do you think it would take that guy to sell 2,000 of these if he went from door to door?" "About one minute, if this was the first door he knocked on." "Look, for 20 dollars, you get 20 percent of all the money I make" " over and above my salary." " Listen to me, will you, Ralph?" "My mother didn't raise no stupid children, you know." "I work hard for the money I earn down in that sewer." "It's no easy job." "Some days I get it right up to here." "ANNOUNCER"." "Coming up next, a Honeymooners musical not shown for over 40 years." "Jackie Gleason was a wonderfully gifted comedian who, by himself, could keep us entertained for hours." "But pair him up with Art Carney, you have something that goes beyond funny." "Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton together onscreen, in my opinion, the best that ever played the game." "Let's see now, to begin with, you're close friends?" "Well, I am as close as anybody can get to Ralph Kramden." "[ED CHUCKLES]" " That's no way to treat" " Get out!" "Wait a minute, just hold still." "Want a big knot or a small knot?" " I don't care just as long as it's a knot." " Just hold still and don't be so excited." "[RALPH GRUNTS]" "Wait a minute!" "Move away from that table before you're not able to move." "Boy, what a grouch." "Ain't you even gonna give me a friendly raccoon goodbye?" "Ooh-woo!" "I wouldn't "ooh-woo" you for anything in the world." "But we always have arguments." "But when there's an emergency, we always come to the other guy's aid." "How about that time we were playing softball and you got hit in the head with a bat?" "Who got a cab and took you over to the hospital?" "I did." "Who came up and saw you every day?" "I did." "Who brought you cigarettes and candy?" "I did." "Who hit me in the head with a bat?" "You did." "Go ahead." "You call." "How about letting me toss?" "Give me an even chance." "I'll toss the coin." "All right, you toss it." "I'll take heads." "Why do you want heads?" "Let me take heads." "Why are you so particular in wanting heads?" "That has nothing to do with it." "You're tossing, so I'm calling, and I want heads." "Wait a minute." "We both want the same thing." "I'll play you odds and evens" " for who gets heads." " All right, I'll take evens." " You'll what?" " I'll take evens." " How come you want evens--?" " Go ahead and break the balls!" "HANKS:" "They were just these two guys who were so in tune." "Like when they're handcuffed together in the upper..." "[MUMBLES]" "It's like this thing that just goes on and on and on." "I don't know how much of that is actually scripted, but these two guys that would just do this kind of stuff." ""Hey, Ralph," you know." "Uh, that was the stuff that I would love, because it's almost like the, uh" "The goofs are built into the whole process of why The Honeymooners was as special as The Honeymooners was." " Ralph?" " What?" "Mind if I smoke?" "I don't care if you burn." "GLEASON:" "And Norton, of course, as played by Art Carney," "I don't think there was a better comedy portrayal than Carney did with Norton." "And I would like to say here and now that Art Carney is without a doubt the greatest comedic sensitive I have ever worked with in my life, and I think anyone else has ever worked with." "I don't know, I wish I was more like Ed Norton myself." "Sort of free and easy and, uh" "Not that Norton wasn't sensitive." "He was a sensitive person." "But, uh, that business of writing, with the cuffs, shooting the cuffs, my father used to do that." "I'd bring home my report card from school, and he'd sit down, adjust the light, shoot his cuffs a few times." "And I would stand there saying to myself," ""Pop, would you hurry up and sign it?"" "The belief is that those 39 episodes were a huge ratings success." "But in reality the ratings weren't as strong as they had been when The Honeymooners was only a sketch on The Jackie Gleason Show." "So Jackie went back to doing what he did best, a one-hour variety show, featuring The Honeymooners as a segment within that show." "The result?" "Some more great moments." "Like this sketch, not seen since the original air date, the very first Honeymooners musical." "Tonight you'll see something really different, ladies and gentlemen." "Jackie Gleason's The Honeymooners has been set to music, and we're about to begin a fun-filled tour of the world." "[SINGING] When I arrive in Paris I'm going to explore" "The many famous places That Paris is famous for" "I'll visit all the smart cafés And have a round of drinks" "And while I'm there in Paris I may stop to see the Sphinx" "ALL:" "The Sphinx?" " The Sphinx" "In Paris there's a Sphinx?" "You can see it in Paris" "My most memorable moment from The Honeymooners was a take Jackie Gleason did." "There's a guy outside his window." "Jackie thinks somebody is after him." "This guy is a window cleaner or something like that." "The guy pops his head in the window." "Jackie Gleason walks by, sort of glances at him, keeps walking." "And you wonder when it's gonna register." "When it does register, Jackie Gleason goes, "Whoa!"" "with his hands straight out." "And it made me laugh for a day and a half." "Jackie, love you." "ANNOUNCER:" "Next, Art Carney rejoins The Honeymooners for some new episodes from the 1960s." "Jackie refused to do a Honeymooners sketch unless An Carney was by his side." "And Art left The Jackie Gleason Show after the 1957 television season." "So The Honeymooners disappeared for five years." "When Carney was available for a guest appearance in the early 1960s," "Jackie would whip up a sketch on his new variety show called Jackie Gleason and His American Scene Magazine." "What have we here?" "Refreshments." " Just a moment" " Soda pop and potato chips." "Keep your hot thumbs off of that." "I don't mind you coming down and watching my TV show." "But if you want any refreshments, go upstairs and get your own." "Ralph, I got this to say about you." "I like your style." "I like your style, Ralph." "I like your style." "Like I tell all my friends, you're cheap, but there's one thing about it." " At least you don't keep it a secret." " All right, go upstairs." "Alice, what is the most important news" "I could possibly tell you in the whole world?" "I give up." "What?" "Hey, well, you're gonna flip when you hear" "Will you shut up?" "This is my news and I'll tell it." "Now, first you better sit down." "Not you, her." " All right, Ralph, what is it?" " I repeat." "What's the most important news" "I could possibly tell you in the whole world?" "They condemned the building and we're moving out." "There are many wonderful memories that I have of, uh, all of The Honeymooners." "The "One of these days, Alice."" "I mean the "boom, zooms" and all these things." "And if I have to pick out a single episode," "Ralph was going to be on a game show and he was learning all the songs and Norton was helping him by playing the piano." "And, uh, before Norton would play the piano, or play the tune, he'd start by playing a particular:" "[HUMS]" "And then he'd play the song." "And Ralph was getting very annoyed that he would always start each song by doing that." "Well, it turns out, when he finally gets on the show, they ask him:" ""Who composed this song?"" "[FRANZ HUMS]" "And he gets this blank, wonderfully just vacant stare on his face." "And he starts, "Humina-humina-humina-humina,"" "and, uh, then the best he can come up with, he says:" "Ed Norton?" "Heh." "And of course that was wrong." "Everyone has a favourite Honeymooners, including Jackie Gleason." "In fact, there were a few special ones that Jackie would keep returning to." "He would do them live in the early '50s, film the same sketches later as half-hour sitcoms, and then bring them back on his variety show in the 1960s." "Let's take a look at one of Gleason's favorites." "It's called "Six Months to Live."" "The doctor told me to deliver this report." "Oh, I'll take that." "The doctor told me to give it to nobody else but Mrs. Kramden." "I'm Mr. Kramden." "Your hand is very dirty." "Well, there it is, Norton." "The doctor's report." "I hope it's good news, Ralph." "Get a load of this." ""Dear Mrs. Kramden." "In compliance with your request," "I am sending this report by messenger rather than mail." "Because you said you didn't want your husband to see it." "I'm afraid ifs bad news." "My examination shows that a condition of cerebral monochromia exists." "This is a rare disease which usually affects only boxers." "The first visible signs of the disease will be a falling out of the hair and irritability." "This will be accompanied by chills, and he'll spend most of his time near the stove." "I have enclosed some pills." "Give him one a day in a saucer of warm milk." "Be affectionate." "Make him comfortable." "And he may live for as long as six months."" "[LAUGHING] Oh, Ralph, this is great." "Oh, it's great, huh?" "You'll probably be hysterical at my funeral." " Oh, Ralph, this is a riot." " This is a riot?" "Ralph, you're not dying." "This report happens to be from Dr. Morton, the veterinarian." "This is about mom's dog, Ginger." "You mean your mother's dog is dying?" "ALICE:" "Heh, yes." " I'm not gonna die?" "ALICE:" "No." "I don't have to spend the rest of my life under the stove?" "You're just seeing some moments of chaos where someone" Somethings not quite working out." "Even when just Jackie is pacing back and forth and it's just the slave camera that's holding." ""You wanna know why, Alice?" "I'll tell you why, Alice." "Oh, I'll tell you why, Alice."" "Gee, aren't they a sweet couple, Ralph?" "Is this a private parade, or can anybody march in it?" "Alice." "His audience, the people that were tuning in, were literally the Ralph Kramdens of the world." "And he was just feeding" " He was just reflecting them back to them by way of that magic box in their living room." "ANNOUNCER:" "We'll be right back with The Honeymooners final episodes." "All of us at The King of Queens are huge Honeymooners fans, which is why we did a special episode where we got to pay tribute to the Kramdens." "Doug, what time is your lodge meeting tonight?" "I told you, 8:00." "Really?" "Because I just ran into the high-exalted mystic ruler's wife at the beauty parlor, and she told me he's out of town until Tuesday." "[STUTTERING]" "Well, of course, he is." "That's why we're meeting to plan his surprise birthday party." "Oh, is that what this is for?" "Uh, no, no, it's, uh, something I got for, uh, Kelly." "Oh, well, that's sweet." "What did you get her?" "Bowling shoes." "By 1966, Art Carney was back on The Jackie Gleason Show." "So The Honeymooners went back on the air again." "The show was now taped in Miami Beach." "The episodes were in color." "And most of the time, they were done as hour-long musicals." "Perhaps more importantly, there was a new Alice and a new Trixie played by Sheila MacRae and Jane Kean." "But along with these two new faces, there was one old face." "Pen Kelton, the original Alice, was back for a guest appearance, but this time, she played Alice's mother." "Hello, Ralph." " How'd you know it was me?" " I could feel the floor sag." "Well, it's very simple." "If the dog's name is Ralph, not only people can call him, dogs can call him too." "Ralph." "[WHISTLES]" "Oh, Ralph." "Ralph." "[BARKING]" "Get out!" "Get out!" "He said if I turned it on he'd hit me." "Oh, Ed." "Honestly." "[UP-TEMPO CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]" "[GUNFIRE ON TV]" "She turned it on." "Hit her." " Now go ahead and say it." " I'm not gonna say it." " Go ahead and say it." " I don't wanna say it." "You say it." " Let me have it." " Okay." "By 1970, big changes were coming to CBS." "Established shows with stars like Jackie Gleason were on their way out." "So Jackie took some time off, but within a few years, he had teamed up once again with some old friends, this time in four reunion specials on a new network." "But first we're gonna show you something extraordinary, a lost episode from 1973." "No one knew where it had been stored until we managed to locate it at the Museum of Television and Radio." "Look, I got no time to fool around." "I'm going bowling with Norton." "Now, I'd like my dinner on the table, if you don't mind, Mrs. Kramden." " Call me "Ms."" " Call me..." "Ms?" "Ms?" "Ha-ha!" "Now I get it." "So finally the women's lib got to you, huh, Alice?" "Well, let me tell you something." "You're not the only one." "This morning a nun gets on a bus." "I said, "Good morning, Sister."" "She says, "Don't call me 'Sister,' call me 'Sis.'"" " I'm gonna let Alice convict herself." " How are you gonna do that?" "All I have to do is look into Alice's eyes and I can tell what she's up to." "I can tell whether she's lying or telling the truth." "Hi, Ed." "You know, a mustache makes a guy distinguished." "It gives a man a sort of an air." "You ought to grow one." "Ah, I don't need one." "When you work in a sewer, you already got an air about you." "Well, Norton, would you make a little toast that is appropriate for the occasion?" "I think I have one." "Down the hatch." "If you can go out in front of an audience and do things that make them happy and make them laugh, or induce them to laugh, not make them laugh, uh, there's no greater thrill." "[RALPH YELLS]" "[WHIMPERS]" "Bang, zoom!" "Ralph, how could you do such a thing?" "[STUTTERING]" "Hardy-har-har." "[SINGING] Happy Birthday to you Happy"" "whom?" "!" "Happy Birthday to you, Ralph Happy Birthday to you" "Norton!" "Norton!" " What do you want, Ralph?" " Come on down." "[YELLS]" "Hi." "Aah!" " Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Cover up your face." "Cover up your face." "[YELLS]" "Thank you for joining me here tonight for The Honeymooners 50th anniversary celebration." "And I'd also like to thank Jackie, Art, Audrey and Joyce for that brief period of time 50 years ago when America tuned in, sat back, and watched The Honeymooners entertain us." "They made us think, and more importantly, they made us smile." "Thank you, and good night."