""With each passing slide, our Earth seems farther and farther away." "Quinn says I'm being irrational." "He tells us sliding is a random process, not a straight-line journey." "Still, the realization we may never see home again is never far from our minds."" "Some world." "Even movie critics are afraid to be critical." "Listen to this." ""Some say Pauly Shore isn't the greatest actor in the world, but there may also be some who say he is." "This reviewer takes no position on the subject." "The opinions expressed above in no way represent this newspaper or its parent corporation."" "Fear of litigation." "That's what happens when 84% of the population attends law school." "85% too many, if you ask me." "Where are the burgers?" "Ordering food is more complicated in this world than buying a house." "We'll just have to eat in the next world." "Thank goodness we slide in a couple of minutes." "Forget that!" "Look, the next place might be run by a bunch of freaked-out vegetarians." "I want a fat, juicy burger, man, and I want it now." "Be my guest." "Yeah." "Okay, listen up, my man." "I'll have..." "a Whammy Burger?" "Double Whammy Burger!" "Two!" "Two Whammy Burgers with cheese, and I'll have the - "Super Carnivore" with fries and a cola." "Okay, as I explained to your friend over there," "I still need to see your Salmonella insurance and your Carbonated Beverage release forms." "You need all that just to serve me a burger?" "Fine, then." "Look..." "I'll just take the fries." "Okay, I just need to see some picture ID and a doctor's note verifying that your cholesterol count is below 200." "Who brings that kind of stuff into a joint like this?" "You do, if you expect any service." "Let's just go, all right?" "I did try to warn you." "Oh, I'm sorry." "You all right?" "I didn't see you." "Excuse me?" "Excuse me." "Hi." "I think you're going to be needing my help." ""Silverberg, Thompson, Katzoff, Klein, O'Leary, Phelps  Manning"?" "Yeah." "That woman you just impacted?" "She's filing a collision suit against you." "She's claiming a neck injury from the aftereffects of the accident." " He barely touched her." " Well, that may be so, but frankly, sir, you should never have admitted guilt." "All I said was "I'm sorry." Exactly." "And in front of multiple, first-hand witnesses- you're lucky you didn't get slapped with sexual harassment." "Come on, guys, let's just go." "Why bother with this?" "We're about to slide." "No, you can't let this slide." "The penalties quadruple." "Since you feel so strongly about it, take the case." "Bill me on another Earth." "What if you could travel to parallel worlds?" "The same year, the same Earth, only different dimensions?" "A world where the Russians rule America?" "Or where your dreams of being a superstar came true?" "Or where San Francisco was a maximum security prison?" "My friends and I found the gateway." "Now the problem is finding a way back home." "SLIDERS 2x10 "GREATFELLAS" Subtitles subXpacio" "You honor me with your presence at the wedding of my beloved daughter." "Who ever thought a day like this would come?" "The Greenfelds and DaBellos- the Italians and Jews, mortal enemies all these years- coming together in the name of love, and a little business." "And now, Mel Tormé has come to sing for us!" "What more can a man ask for?" "Actually, my throat's... a little thrashed." "I open tonight." "You're not going to sing at my little girl's wedding?" "Of-of course I'm going to sing." "Of course." "Of course." "I just wanted you to know... that it could be a little rough." ""Melvele," I like it rough." "After the ceremony, you'll sing." "For now, there's a piano." "You can start by playing the wedding march." "The rumor has it the groom's family called up Sinatra." "Who cares?" "We got Mel." "All right, it's almost show time, Pop." "Let's go." "Smile, will you?" "You look like you're going to a funeral." "As far as I'm concerned, I am." "So?" "Who goes first?" "What the hell-?" "Son of a bitch!" "Brown...?" "It's "The Incorruptibles." Somebody tipped them off." "Sorry about the interruption... but it couldn't be helped, I'm afraid." "Must be fans." "Son of a bitch!" "He's throwing the gauntlet down right in front of us!" "Easy, Tommy." "Put the gun away." "So... you're the proud father, right?" "Yeah, and a beautiful daughter you have." "Rembrandt?" "Let's go." "Yeah." "Uh... sorry, ladies and gentlemen." "We are leaving now, so enjoy the rest of the evening, and, tell all your family and friends that you saw "The Crying Man" in the flesh." "Wow" " Mel Tormé!" "Man, am I glad to see you!" "Hey, look, it's been a long time since we've worked together, Mel." "What are you saying?" "I've never worked with you before." "Oh, yeah, yeah..." "not on this world, huh?" " Yeah- oh, man..." " Come on, let's go." "Mel Tormé...!" "Bit of a wobble on the wormhole this time, Mr. Mallory." " Yeah." " That was weird." "The minute they saw you, it was like everybody stopped breathing." "That happens all the time in stadiums and nightclubs all across our country." "I don't know what they had to be scared about." "Half the people in there looked like they were packing." "I thought we were goners for a second." "They weren't scared, they were just mesmerized." "Some people just tense up in the presence of a superstar." "Whoever your double is on this world, he's not going to be real pleased when he finds out you, "Mr. Superstar," are cutting in on his action." "The city's lit up like a firecracker." "Presumably in this world, the disgusting Bugsy Siegel built his gaming empire in Northern California instead of Nevada." "Guys, look." "Reagan's running for re-election as Governor?" "Why would he want to go back to Governor after being President?" "Let's go to the hotel and get this guy off the streets." "There you go." "Thank you." "Thank you." " I feel like your bodyguard." " Great, huh?" "Mr. Brown." "My God, what an honor." "You folks must be "The Incorruptibles."" "Sir, we are here for only a short time." "I wonder if we could have a little bit of anonymity and discretion?" "Absolutely, absolutely." "Suite 42, upstairs and to the left." "Don't you need us to check in or anything?" "And let everyone know you're here?" "No, this will be safer for you." ""Incorruptibles"?" "He obviously thinks that you're my backup singers." "It's not as good as "The Spinning Topps,"" "but it's not too bad for my second bananas." "All right." "Yeah, it's Calhoun." "Deputy Director Rembrandt Brown just showed up." "I know- no one informed me, either." "He did what?" "How did these people get past security?" "Tommy, you got an explanation for that?" "No go, Pop." "Between the two families, we had men positioned at every possible entrance." "On top of which, our sources in Washington told me that Rembrandt Brown was scheduled for a meeting with the Canadian Mounties over the weekend." "Obviously, there's a weak link somewhere." "And what's that supposed to insinuate?" "Tommy, take it easy." "We put years of animosity aside to secure this merger." "San Francisco's your turf, Greenfeld." "You bear the ultimate responsibility." "You know something we don't?" "Come on." "Everybody knows Mel Tormé's relationship with the Greenfeld family." "Curious, no?" "The only outsider at this wedding, and he turns out to be an intimate of Rembrandt Brown." "Mr. DaBello..." "I assure you the merging of our two families and all that it entails will go forward." "Don't worry about "The Incorruptibles." "" We'll take care of them." "And if there's an informant in our midst... we'll take care of them, too." "Look at this stuff- "Goodfellas,"" ""Casino," "Return of Goodfellas."" "That's just on the "Disney Channel."" "Curious." "No alcohol at all." "Just cola, water and peanuts." " I'll have a cola, Professor." " Me too, please." "God, you'd think in a world of high-stakes gambling they'd want to get you as drunk as possible." " Mr. Mallory?" " No, thanks, Professor." "I'm going to try and find a newsstand." "Maybe a newspaper will explain a little more about this place." "I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting a real weird vibe here." "Hey, agent- somebody needs to talk to you... over there." "Jeez-!" "What are you people trying to do?" "You trying to get me killed?" "Give me one reason why I shouldn't pull out of this operation right now." "I'm not sure what you mean." "Oh, come on!" "The two biggest crime families in the western United States trying to put together... the greatest gambling paradise since Monaco?" "And then the FBI just waltzes in and IDs me?" "FBI...?" "Rembrandt Brown might as well have put a stamp on my forehead" ""US Government Informant."" "Glad handing me in front of every street hood, every murderer within a hundred miles." "I can see why you're upset, but" "I think this is a case of mistaken identities." ""Mistaken identities," nothing." "It's ego." "Now, you tell Rembrandt Brown to wait for my signal before he starts showboating for the evening news." "Otherwise, the only thing the press is going to be covering is- our obituaries." "Okay, thank you." "I'll pass that on." "All right." "I got to do a double set at "The Doubloon" tonight." "Now, don't forget, tell Rembrandt Brown to wait for my signal!" "Wasn't that the guy from the wedding?" "What was he doing here?" "He handed us this." "It's $100,000, Quinn." "Yeah, something about appearing at the wedding, talking of "appreciation from the two families involved."" " And you accepted it?" " Yeah." "I mean, we tried to resist, given the mistaken identities and all." "Don't you people get it?" "They think we're the FBI, Rembrandt." "You just accepted a $100,000 bribe." "All right, look, it's simple." "We just find a way to give the money back." "And slap the most powerful crime lord in San Francisco in the face, and call it a day?" "Well, we can't just keep it, can we?" "Look, considering the circumstances, the best thing to do is lie low, and we'll slide out of here in 27 hours." "With $100,000 of the mob's money?" "I don't care how long the reach of the mob is, they can't follow us to the next world." "Listen, guys, we're missing something here." "Now, according to Mel Tormé," "I'm some sort of crusading FBI director on this world." "He's right." "If we keep the money, we make it look like "The Incorruptibles" are corruptible." "We can't do that to them." "Look, I'm going to spell this out one last time." "You've already taken the money." "You are corrupted." "We do not know anything about your double." "We know very little about this world." "But we do know there are men with very big guns out there." "Now, I don't care what the hell you do with the money- give it to the poor, burn it, for all I care- but let's keep quiet and keep out of this!" "Mel Tormé is some kind of government informant." "He's opening at "The Doubloon" tonight." "Maybe he can put us in contact with the real "Incorruptibles."" "Want some company?" "You're a poster boy, Rembrandt." "The less attention we draw, the better." "You three stay here." "Wait for my call." "Black, 22." "Hard eight!" "Hard eight!" "Excuse me." "Yeah?" "Any idea what time Mr. Tormé's show is over?" "Yeah, around 11:30 or thereabouts." "Can I get you something?" "How about a beer?" "Beer?" "This look like a speakeasy to you?" "Let go of me!" "Hey, what did I tell you about hustling in here?" "And you, take it outside." "Not until this bitch pays me the money she stole." "Get your grubby hands off me, you loser!" "Hey!" " Are you all right?" " Hey, who's he, your pimp?" "Take a walk, okay, pal?" "Hey, this doesn't concern you, "hero." It's between me and her." "I said, leave her alone." "Isn't this cute?" "That does it!" "Come on." "Come on, let's get out of here." "Talk about your knight in shining armor." "You okay?" "I think so." "Look, I swear to God, I never saw that guy before." "He just walked up to me and started hassling me." "Hey, what's your angle, anyway?" "No angle." "You looked like you needed some help." "You going to be all right?" "Yeah." "Thanks." "You're a sweetheart." "No-!" "I'm Joseph Biacchi." "As District Attorney of San Francisco," "I stood up to organized crime." "As Governor, I'll raise taxes and put cops back on the street where they belong." "Together, we can take California back from the special interests." "Joe Biacchi for Governor, because Ronald Reagan is just too soft on crime." "Are you watching this?" "Whoever heard of a politician promising to raise taxes?" "The key to this world seems to be that Prohibition was never repealed." "Al Capone, Meyer Lansky- they grew rich satisfying the need of Americans for bootleg whiskey." "They built these vast crime empires and divided the nation down to small, competing territories." "So what was going on with that wedding we crashed?" "My guess is it's the theory that blood is thicker than water." "When you have two organizations at each other's throats, competing fiercely, the only way to merge them is through marriage." "Yeah." ""I'm praying to Jesus, I'm down on my knees"" ""I'm hoping he eases the pain that he sees"" ""Me and my buddy Jack Daniels are bonding"" ""I'm numbing the hurt, but my brain ain't responding"" ""The beer truck kept rolling around past my house"" ""Funny how that truck made me think about my spouse"" ""She took everything, including my dog"" ""Now I'm brokenhearted and sad as a hog"" ""Shoodle-dodle dodle-dodle-dee"" ""Shoodle-doodle doodle-doodle-dee"" ""Shoo-da diddle-diddle-diddle..."" ""Diddle-da-ba da-ba da-ba-da."" "I got robbed." "Oh, kid, this gets better and better." "I was pickpocketed outside the hotel." "I realize how this must sound, sir, but it's too crazy for me to make up." "All right, all right, I'll make a call to Washington." "And if your story checks out," "I'll do the best I can." "Thank you." "Thank you, sir." "I" " I really appreciate that." "Well, you've got an honest face, and you sure tell a good story." "Come on, walk me back to my car." "Now, you and your buddies watch your backs." "San Francisco's about to explode." "Thanks for the warning." "Oh, God, I can't wait for this gig to be over." "I'm going back home to my ranch outside of Nashville, milk the cows, feed the chickens, and just pray this thing blows over." "Mr. Tormé..." "I could never thank you enough." "Now look, lad, remember, keep your nose clean, and don't make a move till you hear from me." "Thanks again." "Bye-bye." "What a guy." "Mel!" "No!" "Welcome to San Francisco, sir." "You know I hate trains." "Budget cuts, sir." "You know the drill." "Here, let me take that." "Just fill me in." " Um..." " Forget the sugar-coating, Agent Reid." "Who broke our informant's cover?" "According to what we've heard so far, it really doesn't make a lot of sense." "What doesn't make a lot of sense?" "By all accounts, sir, you broke Mr. Tormé's cover." "People are saying you showed up at the Greenfeld/DaBello wedding and fingered him." "What the hell are you talking about?" "I was in Toronto." "We know that, sir." "But... a great many people claim to have seen you at the wedding." "That, coupled with the fact the wedding was canceled - has a lot of people thinking." "Wait, the wedding was canceled?" "Yes, sir." "Our best guess is someone's been impersonating you." "Maybe one of the other crime families is trying to break up the alliance." "I hear the Gambinos are fit to be tied." "Mel Tormé wasn't just a brilliant entertainer, Mr. Reid." "He was a patriot and he was my friend." "A very dark day for all of us, sir." "Yeah, well if we don't sort out what's happening and fast, the Greenfelds and the DaBellos are going to join forces, and a lot more people are going to die." "The cops came." "Wade, they can barely afford police cars here." "They said they were going to investigate." "Who knows what that means?" "Hold the fort." "I'll be back as soon as I can." "What did he say?" "He's going to keep looking for her." "He says to "hold the fort."" "Nothing." "Nothing on the TV news, nothing on the radio." "Mel Tormé gets blown to bits, nobody says a word about it." "The mob obviously controls the press and TV." "No news gets released unless they approve." "The FBI's got an office in town." "Maybe we should go down there and explain the situation." "And what exactly would we say?" ""Excuse us, but our friend here looks like your Deputy Director, so the mob bribed him with $100,000, which we could give to you, but for the fact that our other friend got robbed in a bar last night"?" "We have to do something." "Sitting around here certainly isn't helping anything, is it?" "We have no responsibilities, Miss Wells." "Let's just leave it all to the proper authorities." "Now what?" "Quickly." "My family has lookouts stationed all over this hotel." "What the devil's going on here?" "Wait a minute, weren't you the bride from last night?" "Intended bride." "I'm Leah Greenfeld, Mr. Brown." "Uh-oh!" "I don't have a lot of time." "My father's rescheduled the wedding for tomorrow night." "I want to be taken into protective custody." "What?" "Lady, I can't do that." "What do you mean, you can't?" "We talked about all this on the phone." "Before Mr. Tormé died, he gave me his word." "I can't marry Eddie DaBello." "I was promised immunity." "Now..." "I took this from my father's office." "It's a list of payoffs to every crooked politician in the state legislature." "Ms. Greenfeld, we're not from the federal government." "I'm not from the FBI." "What are you talking about?" "Just take a look around here, sweetheart." "Does it look like the three of us are ready to face down the mob?" "I know your reputation." "They're scared of you." "Besides, I figured you'd have backup." "I'm just a singer- I mean, I do have a cousin who's a security guard in Vero Beach, Florida, but that's about as connected to law enforcement as I get." "We were actually just discussing going to the authorities, weren't we?" "We'll make sure this information gets to the proper channels." "No." "No- there isn't time for that." "They'll kill me, too." "Don't you understand?" "This is bad." "All right, Mr. Brown, you stay here and look after Ms. Greenfeld." "Miss Wells and I will go to the FBI." "Don't answer the phone, don't open the door." "Not for anybody." "We'll be back as soon as we can." "How are you doing?" "I was here last night?" "Yeah, I remember." "I'm looking for the girl I met here." "Any idea where I'd start looking?" "Only free advice I've got for you is to get out of the big city, boy." "Come here." "Get your hands off me!" "Excuse us a second." "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "Save it." "The money you took doesn't belong to me." "It belongs to the Greenfelds." "What?" "You heard me." "If you know what's good for you, you'll get it back." "If I can find you, so can they." "All I have to do is give them your name." " I don't have it." " Then who the hell does?" "Ask the dealer." "Look, it's the truth, okay?" "It's his money now." "You blew it?" "$100,000?" "!" "What do you want from me?" "I was ahead for a while." "How much do you owe them?" " I was going to pay you back, I swear." " How much is left?" "A little under... five grand." "What are you going to do?" "Sit tight, okay?" "I need to concentrate." "Deal." "That was 1150 William." "Are you sure you got this address right?" "1170 William Street?" " I'm pretty sure." " It's not even an office building." "Look, there it is." ""Federal Bureau of Investigation."" "Good heavens." "I've heard of the downsizing of federal government, but this is ridiculous." "Okay, all right, bye." "Can I help you?" "These are the offices of the FBI?" " That's right." " I see." "We're in possession of certain information regarding an attempt to overthrow the government." "To whom should we talk?" "You talk to me." "All right, talk." "Sir, Leah Greenfeld is in hiding." "She wants protection and she's willing to trade information essential to the future of this country." "What is this?" "It's a "Who's Who" of every mob lackey in state government." "Leah Greenfeld gave you this?" "Sir, this may be pure speculation, but I believe these criminals are attempting to ally California and Nevada in order to secede from the United States." "The federal government will not be able to stop it, short of civil war." "I see." "And what is it you would like for me to do about all of this?" "For one thing, you could start taking us seriously." "And then you could do something to protect this woman's life, considering the risk she's taking." "The Witness Protection Program ran out of money years ago." "I can't do a damn thing to protect Ms. Greenfeld." "So if she truly sent you here, please inform her of that with my apologies." "Are you insane?" "She might have better luck with District Attorney Biacchi." "The state may still have some revenues." "He's on the take." "This whole society is corrupt." "That's why the Greenfelds handed him $100,000- they knew he'd take it." " Miss Wells...!" " One more accusation like that, and I will put you in jail and bury you so deep they won't find you for years." "Mr. Brown, I do apologize for my young friend." "She sometimes gets carried away by her enthusiasm." "You two keep talking about these things, you're going to end up being carried away in pine boxes." "You're messing in a devil's playground here." "Split them." "You've got 18 against the dealer's seven." " Are you crazy?" " I know what I'm doing." "Split them again." " Hit on the 19." " Are you nuts?" "!" "We need to burn a card." "Bust." "Hit me." " That's $25,000." " Hit me." "Oh, you won!" "You're a genius!" "I'm sorry, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the hotel." "What for?" "There's no law against winning money." "We don't like card counters, ma'am." "We have a right to excuse any player from gambling here." "Now, we can do this pleasantly, sir, or we can do this unpleasantly." "No problem." "We were just leaving." "How did you do that?" "I've seen some killer card sharks, but none of them could ever count a five-deck boot." "In a lot of ways, blackjack's not so dissimilar from advanced number theory." "Wow, you're just so amazing." "I don't think so." "Hey, come on." "I mean, we've got something really good here." "You're not going to just walk away from me, are you?" "I got to go." "Where do I cash these out?" "Thank you." "Grab those for me." "So what are you telling me?" "My own daughter betrayed me?" "Leah was seen making a beeline for The Incorruptibles' suite at the Dominion Hotel." "Doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened to the disk." "Professor...?" "You have something to give me?" "Illegal payoffs, Swiss bank records." "It's all in there." "I would emphasize, sir," "Ms. Greenfeld is really laying her life on the line." "Her fiancé has already been killed by these people in order to force her into this grotesque arranged marriage." "Our lives are on the line, too." "So you can see why it's vital you give us protection." " Where are you staying?" " The Dominion Hotel." "I have a safe house." "I'll have Zack, my campaign manager get a couple of men, take you there." "I can't begin to tell you what a hopeful sign this is for my campaign." "There are still honest people like you in this godforsaken state." "Well, thank you, sir." "We could say the same for you." "It's Joe." "Our guests will be staying." "Rembrandt, I got it!" "I won the money back" "When we get to the safe house, we'll need to get a message to our friends at The Dominion Hotel." "We don't have a lot of time till the slide." "No need to remind me, Miss Wells." "If we don't make the slide, we're going to be dead before the New Year." "We did the right thing, though- didn't we?" "In the circumstances, we did the right thing." "When we slide, we can slide with a clear conscience." "Looks like we're here." "Get 'em out of here, get 'em upstairs." "Wade, Professor." "They got you, too?" "The disk, you made certain it got to Joe Biacchi?" "Yeah." "How's Leah Greenfeld?" "She's okay." "It's the four of us we have to worry about." "How much time, Professor?" "Oh, I think about 11 minutes." "Guys...?" "Okay, let's make this quick and painless." "Where's my daughter?" "I'm afraid we can't tell you that, sir." "Well, that would be your first mistake." "Helping me to find my daughter is the only reason I've got to keep you alive." "Family is very important to me." "You help me, you're helping yourselves." "Come on, mister, keep talking." "I've got to get in there." "We don't have much time." "Quiet." "There's something you should know, Greenfeld." "The District Attorney has a certain... disk." "He's going to come after you with guns blazing." "Is that so?" "Joey, come on in." "Who's laughing now, Mr. Brown?" "District Attorney Biacchi's been on the Greenfeld payroll for years." "Who do you think pays his campaign expenses?" "That so, Joe?" "What can I say, Mr. Brown?" "A candidate's got to get his backing from somewhere." "That's it!" "Go, go, go!" "You know, I got to say, after years of listening how Mr. Rembrandt Brown killed this old friend of mine, put that one away, today is payback time." "Tommy, I want you to kill them- one at a time- until somebody talks." "Eenie, meenie, miney, mo." "Look, you don't have to kill us." "We're not even from this world." "And now we're going to send you to the next world to meet your maker." "All right, Greenfeld, let's talk about the whereabouts of your daughter, hmm?" "FBI!" "Freeze!" "Nobody move!" "Don't move!" "No one move!" "Don't move!" "Untie us!" "We only have a few minutes!" "When did you guys make a switch?" "The FBI waited until Leah made her move, then they had enough to build on." "This guy was the key to the whole thing." "He was going to win the election and put a legitimate face on the whole conspiracy." "You left it a bit late for a rescue, didn't you?" "Hey, consider the alternative." "Time to slide." "Come on." "Okay, that's about $5,000." "Please give it to that woman I told you about." "She works out of "The Doubloon."" "Tell her to use it to get out of town." "Thanks for everything." "You know, it takes a lot of courage to stand up to all this corruption." ""For evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing."" "But dark clouds are passing, my brother." "A better day is bound to come." "I hope so." "Well, good luck, my man." "You, too." "Hey, pal, you got the time?" "Yeah, it's a quarter to 4:00." "Is that all?" "It's early." "It's- it's still early." "You know, they say a cat's got nine lives." "You place any faith in that old wives' tale?" "Maybe... if you're a cat." "Wait a minute." "Just remember- the cooler the cat, the harder he is to kill." "Quinn, let's go!" "Keep your nose clean, Quinn." "Take care of yourself." "This is unbelievable." "We get to keep the hundred grand, now that sucker sends Leah Greenfeld with a $5,000 tip." "Is this a great country, or what?" "A mark like that comes along once in a lifetime." "I hear that." "Well, you're the one who steered him to me." "I could see that kid wanted to be a hero, but falling for you twice?" "That's why she's the best." "Am I?" "Yeah, I guess I am." "Subtitles subXpacio and TusSeries"