"(barking orders)" "ZIMMERMAN:" "A real dirty trick." "Nice going, Fender." "Gee, guys, you'd think I committed a crime or something." "All my wife did was have a baby." "The seventh one." "And every time you have a kid, it costs us a hundred bucks from the platoon welfare fund." "You didn't join the Army to fight." "You joined it to break the bank." "Oh, look, fellas, look..." "All right, you guys, formation." "BARBELLA:" "Come on, fall in, let's go." "Formation, Sergeant Bilko." "BARBELLA:" "Fender is ready to leave." "I know, I know." "Corporal Fender, front and center!" "Good morning, Daddy." "Found an easy way to make money, huh, Fender?" "That's your seventh kid." "Sarge..." "(mimicking):" "Sarge." "I'm not against a guy having a kid." "It's just the sneaky way you go about it." "You wait till we get a hundred bucks in the welfare fund and then bingo-- jackpot!" "Sorry..." "Sorry, Sarge." "It doesn't matter to you we're raising this money for a worthwhile cause-- to buy the saloon in town." "Doesn't mean anything to you, huh?" "All you think about is the pitter-patter of little feet, and the minute one pitter-patter peters out, another pitter-patter patters in!" "Sarge..." "(mimicking):" "Sarge." "I got the car outside." "Oh, he's got the car." "Isn't it dangerous driving with all those baby shoes hanging down from the windshield?" "Here's your hundred bucks." "Get gone." "Sam... good luck." "Give Lena our congratulations." "Thanks, Sarge." "We-we're thinking of naming this one after you, calling him Ernie." "Do me a favor-- call it quits." "(laughter and indistinct chatter)" "So long, Sam." "Corporal Barbella, how much money we got left in the welfare fund?" "(jingling) 15 cents." "(sighs)" "This is not a platoon." "It's a walking potter's field." "Now, look..." "What is it?" "Replacement for Fender." "They told me to report from the replacement pool, sir." "Oh, well, new blood-- always welcome." "Always glad to have new blood." "I see." "Well, welcome to Company B." "We..." "Hmm, nice ring." "Always like to see a soldier who thinks of his appearance." "Know anything about motor pool?" "I'm sorry, sir, I never studied motors." "Oh, that'll work out-- you'll get to learn it after a while." "Zimmerman." "(snaps fingers)" "Rhinestone." "Oh, that replacement officer did it again." "We need mechanics, they send us bankruptcy cases." "Sir, I think I can learn about cars." "I'm a college graduate." "He's a college graduate." "ALL:" "Rah, rah, rah!" "Oh, boy." "Isn't that just great?" "We have a college man." "No longer we have to worry about wallowing in ignorance." "College man, huh?" "Can you type?" "Yes, sir." "Fine, you're just the type for latrine duty." "Give him a mop." "(barks orders)" "Now, look, you fellas..." "Once I wish they'd send us a solvent case, once." "Well, I might as well put in some more sack time." "If any officers come looking for me, what do you say to 'em?" "Sergeant Bilko is down at the motor pool, sir." "Say it clear so they'll understand clearly." "All right, here's this morning's orders." "Mullen, you take over Fender's details." "The rest, as they were." "Dismissed." "HENSHAW:" "Attention." "At ease." "Have you a Private Vandemere in this platoon?" "Vande..." "Oh, the new kid." "Vandemere, on the double." "Where's Sergeant Bilko?" "Oh, Sergeant Bilko is down at the motor pool, sir." "Oh, good." "Private Vandemere?" "Yes, sir." "Follow me-- we can be alone in Sergeant Bilko's room." "But, sir, you..." "As you were." "Private Vandemere, this is Mr. Watson, a reporter" "on the Topeka Press." "Yes, sir." "Private Vandemere, huh?" "This solves quite a journalistic mystery." "This appeared in yesterday's New York Star." ""Where is Tommy?" ""Broadway nightclubs are closing," ""chorus girls will have to get along with last year's minks" ""since the mysterious disappearance" ""of Tommy 'Golden Boy' Vandemere," ""sole heir to the $200 million automobile fortune." "Where is he?"" "So now you know." "Now what?" "Look, kid, this is a pretty big story." "Richest boy in the country joins Army, wants to see how the other half lives." "No, sir, it's not that I want to see how the other half lives." "It's that I want to see if I'm man enough to live with the other half and have them accept me for myself and not for the $200 million." "I'd give the entire $200 million for just one friend." "Please give me that chance and don't print that story." "Okay." "Good luck, Private." "Thank you, sir." "Pretty flimsy building to be housing 200 million bucks." "Thank you." "(door opens and closes)" "200 m-mi-mi... 200 mi-mi... (door opens)" "Hey, Sarge, what did those guys...?" "200 mi-mi..." "Sarge, what's the matter?" "200 mi-mi..." "Oh, a millionaire in our barracks." "Why would a guy worth $200 million want to join the Army?" "Why?" "Maybe it's crowded at the Riviera this time of year." "Maybe he just happens to like chipped beef on toast." "Jerk, what difference does it make?" "He's with us." "We mustn't hint that we know who he is or he'll get out of here like a shot." "You understand?" "All he wants to do is make friends." "Friends in this platoon?" "And he's going to make friends." "I have found out it's just as easy to be the friend of a millionaire as it is to be the friend of a poor man." "I haven't been able to work this theory out yet, but I believe in it." "Tycoon Henshaw." "Yo." "Formation." "(barks order)" "HENSHAW:" "Formation!" "Look alive!" "Getting to like this kid more and more every minute." "All right, formation!" "On the double, everybody." "Hup!" "Don't rush like that, kid." "You're liable to trip and hurt yourself." "Are you all right?" "Yes, sir." "Little out of breath?" "No." "It's good to have you with us." "Hey... men!" "Here's what I want to talk to you guys about." "We have a new man in our platoon, and it's about time I alerted you to this fact." "This is a democratic army." "There's nobody better than anybody else." "I don't care who you are, where you came from, who you been." "Here you're just a soldier." "I..." "Am I yelling a little too loud?" "(indistinct chatter)" "Now, men," "I don't care if a man has got 50 cents in his pocket or 50 mi-mi-mi..." "Sarge?" "I'll be all right." "Men, it's not important what you got in your pocket;" "it's what you got in here that counts." "You're just a soldier here." "What are you crowding this man...?" "Give him a little space." "Don't stifle the man." "(Vandemere coughs)" "Did you just cough?" "Yes, sir." "Are you all right?" "Yes, sir." "All right, kid." "Little drafty in here?" "No, it's all right." "We know no favorites here, men." "A man is accepted for what he is." "A little smudge there." "Good to see you." "Now, men... (man coughs)" "You just cough again?" "ZIMMERMAN:" "No, it was me, Sarge. -(Bilko groans)" "Now, men, bear that in mind." "All right." "Attention!" "Excuse me, that means "attention."" "Oh, yes, sir." "All right, men, dismissed." "Well, Vandemere, I hope you like it around here." "Oh, it's fine." "You get used to us, you're going to find us a great bunch of boys." "This'll be your bunk right here." "You'll love it;" "it's got cross ventilation, it's very comfortable." "There's someone in there, Sergeant." "Someone is?" "(loud bang)" "All right, on the double, hup!" "But, Sarge, this is my bunk." "Oh, it's your bunk, Kadowski." "Perhaps you've got a bill of sale to prove it." "Get your stuff, put it on the end there." "You had breakfast yet, kid?" "No, sir, I was just on my way..." "Here, go down to the PX snack bar, get yourself something." "Oh, thank you, sir." "I'll pay you back." "Pay me back?" "I don't want to hear those words in this barracks." "We never use that word." "You need some money?" "No, sir, but, Sergeant, you gave me a dollar." "A dollar, ten dollars, a hundred, thousand, a mi-mi..." "It doesn't matter." "You needed money, I happened to have it, you can have it." "Maybe the positions will be reversed someday-- you'll have it and perhaps I'll need it." "What difference does it make?" "Get him down to the PX, show him where it is." "Yes, sir." "Bye, Sergeant." "Henshaw, stay right with him." "Remember what happened to Brinks." "(laughs):" "Yeah." "Okay." "Okay, Sarge, what's up?" "Pouring money at him." "You give him my bunk." "Who is this kid-- your relative?" "What's the matter?" "Bilko's little chickens getting jealous?" "Bad, nasty sergeant took away Kadowski's bunk?" "You meatballs." "That was no soldier that walked in here." "That was the Paradise Bar and Grill walking right into our arms." "Hey, Sarge, when are we going to ask him for the money?" "We've been buying him things, giving him dough." "It already cost us nine bucks just trying to make him grateful enough." "Nine bucks, huh?" "Get a load of this." "Vandemere Motors went up an eighth of a point." "You know what that means?" "Last night, while he was asleep in our barracks, he made close to 3/4 of a million dollars." "While he was asleep?" "3/4 of a million." "You know something?" "I'm getting to like this kid more and more every day." "The platoon is killing themselves being nice." "Yeah, I know." "Mullen and Kadowski took him to the post movie last night." "Hey, Mullen bought him popcorn." "I don't want the guys overdoing it." "You know, I caught Doberman trying to give him a valentine." "He's sure got friends, huh?" "(soldiers laughing)" "Ah, you're a natural soldier." "One day in the Army, and Bilko already made him Acting Corporal." "(laughter)" "Congratulations." "I think it's time for him to show his gratitude in a financial way." "Get the box." "It is zero hour." "Corporal Barbella, how much money have we got in our welfare fund?" "15 cents." "Men, if this wasn't for a worthy cause," "I wouldn't be bothering you fellas, but as you know, we've got to raise $500 for a project that's very close to our hearts." "We're going to build a bird sanctuary right behind the barracks." "Now, men, when Corporal Barbella passes the box around, so nobody will be embarrassed," "I want you all to raise your eyes to the ceilings." "We will turn our back." "All right, Corporal Barbella, pass around the box, and, men, please be free to give anything you can afford, and don't jar my nerves with the tinkle of silver money." "Let me hear that comforting sound of paper money dropping into that box." "And, men, when that box comes around to you and you're ready to give, just think this in your hearts-- it's for the birds." "Now, men, I know that I can trust and be proud of all of you." "Corporal Barbella, what has this friendly gathering given towards our bird sanctuary?" "The 15 cents is gone." "Men, somebody just shot Cock Robin." "Why, you dirty..." "No, no, no, please, please, Corporal Barbella." "One man in this platoon needed that 15 cents more than the birdies." "Men, I think I sense what's wrong here." "One of you men is evidently of such fine character, he don't want to embarrass the rest of the platoon with an enormous contribution." "I know that lack of ostentation is to be admired, and so that one man, whoever he may be," "I'd advise him to see me alone." "Dismissed." "I don't know what else to do;" "I gave my love to this." "Sergeant Bilko." "Yes, dear?" "I mean, yes..." "The box, the box." "Sergeant Bilko, isn't there something" "I can do at the motor pool?" "Hey, he wants to know what he can do at the motor pool." "(laughter)" "Oh, you're doing a wonderful job." "You're doing a great job." "Did you ever see anybody carry coffee in like he did?" "Didn't spill a drop." "It's amazing." "Sergeant, Sergeant, something is disturbing me." "Something..." "You need any money, kid?" "What's wrong?" "Well..." "I know what's wrong." "I sense it now." "For the first time in your life, you're with a group of people who are sharing and sharing alike and you feel that you're not giving anything." "I'm not." "You certainly aren..." "I mean, you will." "You will." "It's just taking you a little longer to show your gratitude." "Sergeant, I'd like to show my gratitude right now." "If you'll excuse me." "Of course." "Get the box." "No, get a big bag." "How about a footlocker?" "A drum, a big..." "Shh, shh." "Here he comes." "Like nothing happened." "So I said to the colonel, I said, "Colonel, I will..."" "Sergeant." "Yes?" "Here." "This is a transfer." "Yes." "Somebody been bothering you?" "You been bothering him with your big mouth again?" "No, no, no." "You been bothering...?" "You been trying to sell him that phony...?" "No, Sergeant..." "I'll break your body, I'll break your body!" "Sergeant..." "Sergeant, the boys are wonderful." "That's just it." "What's it, what, what, what?" "Well, I-I don't know the first thing about motors." "I feel I'm a drag on the entire outfit." "What do you mean...?" "You're a spark plug." "The way he carries that coffee." "Wonderful." "You could cry." "Oh, Sergeant, Sergeant, the boys are so wonderful." "I don't want to drag down your efficiency rating." "What's that?" "Efficiency rating?" "Please, Sergeant, get me a transfer." "All right, son, I understand." "After all, some of us are born mechanics, some of us are not." "All right, son." "I'll push this transfer through for you." "Just take it easy." "Don't feel bad." "Walk down to the motor pool, take it slow, think over things." "I'll rush this through for you." "Thank you, Sergeant." "So long, kid." "Well, he means well." "He's just a little uncomfortable..." "Transfer?" "!" "After the money we wasted on that... (all talking at once)" "Run down to the motor pool, take the shortcut, alert the guys." "Whatever he does is right." "I want him to be convinced he's the best mechanic the Army ever saw." "Understand?" "So don't forget what Bilko told us." "Coffee anybody?" "No, thanks." "We don't get this jeep started," "Bilko will murder us." "You ain't kidding." "Gee, I wish I knew motors like you guys do." "Hey, Vandemere, give us a hand, will you?" "Me?" "Yeah." "What do you want me to do with this wrench?" "Wrench?" "Oh, yeah, you take the wrench, and put in that screw and turn it." "Screw?" "Where?" "That's the screw." "That little thing with the slot in it." "Oh, you want me to..." "You want me to turn it?" "Yeah." "You take the wrench-- that end-- and put it right into that slot." "Like that?" "(overlapping chatter)" "Hey, this is fun." "What do I do now?" "You turn it." "Well, which way?" "Well, you turn it in one direction." "If it don't work, then you turn it in the other direction." "From here on in, it's in your hands." "Okay, fellas." "Here goes." "(engine starting)" "He turned the jeep!" "He started the jeep!" "(overlapping chatter and cheering)" "All right, all right, break it up." "Now you guys are supposed to be working..." "That motor-- it's running!" "What genius made that ro...?" "It hasn't run in months." "Cut it." "(engine stops)" "That's the most remarkable..." "That screw." "Rocco, look." "Who turned that screw?" "Man, I have seen screws turned in my time, but that's the most amazing..." "All right, come on, confess." "Some high-rated engineer in the officer's corps came in, and he helped you." "Come on, tell me." "I won't bite." "Tell him, Van." "I turned it, Sarge." "(whispers):" "He turned the screw." "You?" "I-I should have known the minute I seen these hands." "Hands?" "Hands like this come along once in a..." "Did you ever see that?" "A swivel-dick knuckle." "You never see that these days." "This man is born to..." "But, Sergeant, I don't know the first thing about motors." "With these fingers, you don't have to know anything." "There's a brain in each finger." "And, gentlemen, we can be well proud" "he's in our platoon." "(cheering)" "Stop keeping us in suspense!" "How did Vandemere Motors do?" "Went up a sixteenth of a point." "That means he made roughly $200,000." "Ah." "In his sleep, no less." "When are we gonna get ours?" "Look, you said he needed friends, right?" "Now he's got more friends than a sweepstakes winner." "You said he wanted to be a mechanic." "Today he's king of the screwdriver." "All right, men, I think the time has come to take the bull by the horns." "That's no way to get milk." "(mimicking, mumbling):" "That's no way to get milk." "That's no way to get milk." "We're not after milk." "We're after that $500 for the Paradise Bar and Grill." "I think we'll take him down there tonight for a little relaxation." "Let him see what his investment looks like, huh?" "Tonight, gentlemen, I believe he will meet Mildred." "The Barracuda?" "She's a lovely girl." "Whoever gave her that name..." "You did!" "It doesn't matter." "PALMER:" "Here he comes." "Disperse." "Disperse." "Hi, Van." "Hi, Van." "How you doing?" "Hi." "Hello, Van." "I was just telling the boys you look a little tired, a little peaked." "I thought may..." "Come on, what are you doing?" "The boys gave me my own wrench." "Yeah, well, look, you got to take it easy." "You're burning yourself out." "I think maybe tonight we'll use a little relaxation, a little female company, huh?" "Well, the revelers are here." "Come on in, pal." "Hey, Sergeant, it's a little crowded." "Maybe we ought to go someplace else." "Well, I don't know." "We may..." "We may...." "Oh, what luck." "Here's a table." "Hey, this is gonna be fun, huh?" "Boy, he knows when to live it up, don't he?" "Hey." "Gentlemen, the room is suddenly filled with beauty." "It's Mildred." "Look at her." "Burning up to meet you, pal." "Go on, give her a break." "Say something romantic." ""Hiya, babe."" "Hiya, babe." "Drop dead." "Sergeant, I..." "No, no, no, no." "No, she loves you." "They're just nerves." "That's all it is." "Come on, look at her." "Look at her, burning up with shame at her ill-timed remark." "Dying for us to ask her" "to the table." "Oh, please don't." "I think I will." "Oh, no." "Why..." "Mildred?" "I hate to repeat myself, but in your case, I'll make an exception." "Drop dead." "Mildred, that ill-timed remark you made to that soldier over there-- do you happen to know who he is?" "Is he in your platoon?" "Yeah." "Then I know all I have to know about him." "He's broke." "Just once I'd like to meet a guy from your platoon," "I'm not saying that he buy me a drink, but at least he could pay for his own." "Just once I'd like to meet-meet-meet..." "That's him." "The Golden Boy." "Go-go... go... go..." "Come with me, my dear." "Come gently." "Come with me." "Here she is, you lucky devil, and she's just dying to meet you." "I'm very pleased to meet you, miss." "Mildred, he said he's pleased to meet you." "How-how-how..." "Shall we all sit down?" "Oh, nothing better than a little friendly gathering of convivial people, huh?" "After you." "After you." "How do you do it?" "How do you make the catch of Roseville fall in love with you, you lucky guy?" "Say something, Mildred." "Let's get in the conversation." "(Mildred stammering)" "Huh?" "Has she got it?" "Does her brain work like that, huh?" "May I buy you a drink, miss?" "Please." "You'll buy no drinks, pal." "I'm buying the drinks here." "But I have the money that you loaned me..." "Oh, please." "I'll have nothing of it." "Waitress?" "Sarge, we only got a half a buck left." "It's enough for five beers." "Tommy, what would...?" "Where is he?" "What did you do with him?" "Tom, what are you doing down there?" "I noticed a loose screw." "Will you relax?" "This kid's full of..." "He's going around tightening the world." "What will it be?" "What'll you have, Tom?" "Anything Mildred wants is all right with me." "Mildred, what will you have to drink?" "Champagne." "BARBELLA:" "Champagne?" "Champagne." "What do you mean, you have no champagne?" "Who said we...?" "I never heard anything..." "Did you hear that?" "No champagne?" "We got it." "Why, this place is a social desert." "No champagne." "All kinds." "Oh, please don't talk back to me, miss." "No wonder they call this the Snake Pit." "Who calls it...?" "Oh, sure." "No matter what you order, they try to switch you to beer." "Beer?" "Five." "Five beers." "All right." "Say something, dear." "Mink." "Mink?" "That's a friend of hers." "Irving Mink has a store..." "she's always talking about." "This is fun." "Tell the truth." "Isn't it?" "Oh, it's fun..." "Breaks away the monotony." "Look, I got some figures here to prove something." "This joint right here is a gold mine." "They're running it into the ground." "You saw what happened." "No champagne." "They don't know how to run it." "I have figures..." "Mildred, what'd you say?" "Of course we'll excuse you." "Where am I going?" "I know you, darling." "You're dying to say hello to your closest friend, Sophie Bisel." "We'll excuse you, dear." "Run right along." "She can drop dead." "Mildred, please." "I don't want it on my conscience that you snubbed your best friend." "Go right ahead, Mildred." "We'll excuse you." "Don't go away." "Now where were we?" "Well, you said this place was for sale." "Oh, that dream of mine." "It's always in my mind and in my..." "But you don't want to hear about that." "No." "But listen, this is a gold mine." "This would be security for the platoon for the rest of their life if they just had money to buy this place." "But you don't want to discuss business." "No." "Security." "For the rest of their lives." "When I think of all the money I wasted that I could have put into this place." "Sarge, it's a shame." "You who have given such happiness to others without ever being repaid." "Oh, please, Corporal, don't speak to me about being repaid." "I have lived long enough to know there's no such thing as gratitude." "There is gratitude." "There is?" "Yes." "You fellas have taken me, a nobody, into your hearts." "You've given me money, you..." "Oh, we don't want to discuss that." "Go on." "Well, Sergeant Bilko, it's time I repaid you..." "Oh, I don't want that large amount that you would by giving you some good advice." "If you give..." "Advice?" "Yes." "I may not know about motors, but I know about business." "Why, if you were to buy a place like this place, why, it would be just like throwing away your money." "Those mortgages alone would strangle you." "I'm very glad that I had this opportunity of returning your friendship." "MILDRED:" "Tommy." "Oh, Mildred's calling me." "Excuse me." "Why that dirty little..." "How do you like that?" "At least Rockefeller gave you a dime once in a while." "The money we wasted on that kid-- lunches, identification bracelets..." "He broke us." "Well, there goes my golden dream." "Yeah, well, we can stop dreaming now." "All right, get the platoon together." "We've got to get back before lights-out." "Come on, you guys!" "Let's go!" "Sergeant Bilko, wait a minute." "For what?" "Well, I've just been doing some thinking." "Got some more advice?" "No, I'm ashamed." "Ashamed?" "I'm ashamed." "You never asked me what I did with the money that you gave me." "Why should I ask you want you're going to do with the money" "that I'm going to give you?" "Money you're going to give...?" "How could you give..." "You're just a poor kid." "No, no, you see, my grandfather" "I'm sure you couldn't spare" "left me $200 million." "the money." "I wouldn't take money from a poor kid." "You see, my name is..." "Tommy Vandemere?" "You're Tommy Vandemere?" "!" "Yes." "Oh!" "I almost wish you had never told me." "Oh, I hope it's not going to make any difference in our friendship." "I'm not going to let it stand in our way." "Oh, that's good, because you taught me something." "You taught me to share and share alike." "Well, Sergeant Bilko, here is a signed, blank check." "You take whatever you need." "Oh, Mildred's driving me back to the barracks." "Good-bye, Sergeant." "Whatever I need?" "Whatever I need of $200 m-mi-mi... $200 m-mi..." "Come on, let's go, you guys." "They're all ready, Sarge..." "Hey, what's that?" "A blank check." "With Vandemere's signature." "(men cheering)" "Who's got-who's got a pen?" "Sam?" "Yeah?" "Sit down, my friend." "What is your last name?" "Adamapplelis." "Adamapplelis." "Ada..." "It's a fine time to come up with a name like this." "Just fill in the money." "I'll find someone to write my name." "Let me see now, uh, $500 covers the second mortgage, right?" "$500." "Hey, wait a minute, Sarge." "Why should we get stuck with a mortgage?" "Right, strangles us." "Right?" "What's the entire mortgage outlay?" "$3,500." "$3,500." "Just a minute." "Let me figure something out." "Why should we pay rent?" "That's money down the drain, right?" "What's the landlord want for this building?" "The landlord's asking $18,000, but I think you can get it... (shushing) That's all right." "He wants $18,000, we won't quibble." "He'll get $18,000." "We could put a banquet room upstairs." "And across the street, we put a movie." "Good idea." "How about a Russian bath?" "Russian bath." " A fix-it shop." "(men shouting ideas)" "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute!" "Well, really." "I'm ashamed of you fellas, taking advantage of Van this way." "Let's face facts and let's be true about this." "All we want is what's coming to us." "The money he made while he was in our barracks." "I figured it out." "It came to a million, three hundred thousand." "He's right." "No sense being a pig." "We've got to be honest." "Honesty is the best policy." "I'm glad to see you guys have a fair outlook on this." "Let me see." "One mi-mi..." "One mi..." "What's the matter, Sarge?" "I can't, I can't write it." "Let me try it." "(overlapping chatter)" "Wait a minute!" "One mi-mi..." "Sarge?" "No, I can't." "I'll do it." "Come on, let's face it!" "We can't go through with it." "Sarge!" "I knew when the time came, we couldn't do it." "Well, I can do it, Sarge." "Oh, quiet!" "Let's face this now, fellas." "You know this will strangle us in later years." "This is all a subterfuge." "Who are we kidding?" "Pretending we didn't know who he was, treating him nice just to get to this-- we'll hate ourselves." "Making his bed-- when's the last time you made anybody's bed?" "And you, Dino." "Bought him an identification bracelet." "But, Sarge, he's just trying to repay us." "And he's going to." "Every cent that's coming to us." "What did you pay for the bracelet?" "Buck and a cuter." "Who took him to the movies?" "Me." "How many times?" "Twice." "What was it?" "$1.90." "Before 1:00?" "Yeah." "(loud bang)" "On your feet!" "(barks orders)" "What's the matter, Sergeant?" "Nothing the matter." "We just figured it out." "You owe us $65.68." "But, Sergeant?" "That's the amount we laid out while we were putting on a little act that we didn't know who you were." "You mean, you knew all the time?" "Knew all the time." "Let's not discuss that." "Here's your blank check." "We figured, it's such a small amount you'd rather pay us in cash-- $65.68." "In cash?" "But I don't have any cash." "I spent all the cash you gave me." "All I have is the inheritance, and I forgot to tell you:" "I don't get that for ten years." "Ten years?" "All right, now." "That's all I had to hear." "From now on, you're just another dog face like anybody in the outfit!" "And stay out of my bunk!" "Back on top!" "Up top." "Come on." "And you make your own bed in the morning." "Yes, so you're going to buck the line, pal." "And you're going to pay us back out of your monthly salary." "Remember that-- from now on, you're just another soldier." "You do as you're done." "I'm gonna bend your back straight, kid." "I'll get you under trucks." "I'll teach you how to earn a day's pay." "You may have confused us for a little while, pal." "You're just one of us." "Your money means nothing." "Get that $65.68 up." "Screw that in tighter." "And that's a screw, kid, it's not a wrench." "A wrench is a thing with two things in it." "This is a single thing." "That's just the beginning." "We'll show you what an overlapping valve is." "We'll show you what a piston rod..." "You'll be a soldier when we're through." "$65.68." "We want to hear from you from time to time, kid." "Cash!" "ANNOUNCER:" "Private Vandemere was played by Mark Rydell." "Mildred, by Jane Dulo." "Waitress was played by Dody Goodman."