"¶ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ¶" "¶ On the other side. ¶" "¶ Well, I paid a visit ¶" "¶ While it's possible I missed it ¶" "¶ It seemed different yet exactly the same ¶" "¶ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ¶" "¶ Till further notice ¶" "¶ Till further notice ¶" "¶ I'm in between ¶" "¶ I'm in between ¶" "¶ From where I'm standing ¶" "¶ From where I'm standing ¶" "¶ My grass is green. ¶" "¶ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ¶" "¶ On the other side. ¶" "Captioningsponsoredby THE U.S.DEPARTMENTOF EDUCATION andNICKELODEON" "BOY:" "Congratulations on your win, Ginger." "GIRL:" "Awesome campaign!" "BOY:" "You rocked." "Thanks." "I just knew you'd win the election, Ginger." "Not one single person fell asleep during your speech." "Oh, and your campaign slogan:" ""Persuasion, not punishment"-- so powerful, so moving!" "So many syllables." "Not that I'm entirely sure what it means." "Well, our school's penal system is in desperate need of a makeover, Dodie." "Punishing students the old-fashioned way just isn't working." "In case you haven't noticed, it's always the same kids in detention week after week." "Two words for you, Ginger: bad blood." "CARL:" "So what's the 4-1-1 on Baby Elsa?" "We rescued her from starvation." "Last month's red tide destroyed most of the plankton in Elsa's hood." "So for the moment, there's just not enough to go around." "I knew she'd love the pirate ship." "( boys shouting in delight )" "Carl, she's not the only starving baby out there, just the only one they found." "Kills me too, Hoods." "Hey, remember those plants I grew for Bosley's Book of Bizarre and Unbelievable World Records?" "Your underwater vegetable garden." "You were disqualified because they were inedible." "They were only inedible to humans, not to... ( sniffing )" "( sniffing )" "I knew it." "I can smell the sweet stench of French milled soap a mile away." "What are you doing here, Blake?" "Everyone's over with the baby seals." "Need I remind you, Carl, this is a free country?" "I am simply exercising my right to stand wherever I please and smell however I like." "But... as long as I'm here," "I should love to join in on the aforementioned plan." "What plan?" "I haven't divulged anything yet." "Ah, but you will, because undoubtedly this scheme will require funding-- yours invariably do." "Not this time, Blakesy." "So your overly perfumed self can just shove off." "( Hoodsey laughing )" "Oh, I'm so chagrined!" "GINGER:" "And under your supervision, the committee and I will enlist volunteers from Lucky High to be brothers rs d d ÑÑñwññÑño?" "ñ?" "óçoo." "I must say, Ginger, I'm impressed with how much thought you've put into this." "I'm really looking forward to it." "Wow, I had no idea you'd be so into my program." "Not the program-- the free time I'll be enjoying because of it." "I'll finally have time to lower my handicap." "( sarcastically ):" "Gee, thanks for your support." "PRINCIPAL:" "Anytime." "This seaweed-cauliflower hybrid looks tasty, don't you think?" "But Carl, whales don't eat vegetables." "They eat plankton." "And what do plankton eat?" "Vegetables." "But how will we get the plants to the ocean?" "My mom won't let me take the bus that far." "Why do you continue to doubt the master?" "Thanks to modern plumbing and our position as a coastal state, the ocean is only a flush away!" "( toilet flushes )" "Couldn't we have done this at home?" "I mean, what if we get caught?" "We need more than one porcelain altar to pull this off." "And we're not getting caught, so stop being paranoid." "( Carl snickers fiendishly )" "I will be the envy of every marine biologist who didn't come up with this brilliant plan!" "( toilet flushes )" "( rumbling, banging )" "( rumbling )" "MRS. GORDON:" "Mr. Foutley!" "I should have known you were behind this prank." "It has your fingerprints all over it." "My fingerprints are all over it, too." "Everyone knows you're a gullible sidekick." "Am not!" "Color me innocent, Gordo." "It wasn't a prank." "It was an heroic gesture." "I didn't know the school is on a septic system." "Granted I should have done a little more testing and found out they explode in growth when they come in contact with raw sewage, but..." "But nothing!" "Thanks to you, Mr. Foutley, your plants clogged the toilets, our plumbing system is ruined and your poor classmates are suffering an incredible amount of discomfort." "( kids moaning )" "( toilet flushes )" "Fini." "Many thanks, Winston." "You can take it away now." "MRS. GORDON:" "Let me see, how can I punish you?" "You've already washed my car four times this month." "I tried to create an underwater farm to help feed the whales." "That is the most ridiculous excuse I've ever heard." "I don't understand it." "Your sister Ginger was a model student." "Well, just for the record, nobody gets punished anymore Gordo." "It's all about the new persuasion method." "They're all over it at the Junior High." "Instead of detention, kids get big brothers to boss them around." "Oh?" "Well, since ordinary disciplinary techniques don't work with you," "I don't see why we can't give it a try." "And I'll let the Junior High do the work, since they already have the program set up." "A lot of them are former students, you know, trained by me." "But Carl, now you're going to get assigned a big brother!" "And since my big sister is doing the assigning," "I'll be sure to get a big pushover." "Oh, Ginger, I've got a new one for you." "Apparently your program has caught on at the elementary school." "Oh, uh, just put it on the stack, thanks." "Elementary school?" "Carl?" "!" "TAD:" "Delete image, Ginger." "Meryl and I will handle this one." "It'd be a conflict of interest." "He's your brother." "I guess you and Tad are right." "But just because he's my brother, don't think you have to go extra easy on him." "I knew you'd go easy on me." "I recommended your program to Gordo." "You recommended it?" "Pretty clever, huh?" "So thanks in advance for saddling me with someone easy, Sis." "Carl, you blew up the septic system." "You can't just skate through life doing stuff like this without ever taking responsibility." "Sure I can, and you can make it happen for me." "You're getting a big brother-- the toughest one we have, and I'm going to see to it personally." "Mom, Ginger's stepping into your territory." "Please tell her you'retheonlyone  allowed to make my life miserable." "No can do, Carl." "This is between you two." "And I'm not telling Ginger how to do the job she was elected to do." "I'm lucky the school's not charging me for your little stunt." "Lois-- 12,431, Carl-- 0." "is because he figured I'd go easy on him." "So I told Tad and Meryl I would handle it." "Even though he's your brother?" "Brother or no brother, he's like any other lawbreaker and I'll assign him an appropriate guardian." "Hmm..." "George Magrority." "( whistles )" "Wow!" "A five-page resumé." "Three years in a military academy." "This guy means business." "If anybody can wipe that smug look off Carl's face, it's going to be this guy." "He's all yours, George." "I'm a model citizen and my actions were noble." "( whistle blows )" "Oh, don't worry." "I'll break you of that delusion." "GEORGE:" "And when my C.O. demanded I drop and do 50, well, I did 60." "Impressive." "And how long were you at this military academy?" "Long enough to turn me into the guy you see before you." "That long, huh?" "( blows whistle )" "Hey, that sounded like a smart remark, little guy." "You know, you should consider enrolling Carl in Boy Scout camp this summer, Lois." "This just keeps getting better and better." "Say, Carl, why don't you ask your mother how her day was." "Doesn't anyone want to know how mydaywas?" "Don't talk with your mouth full." "It's rude." "Not to mention borderline gross." "( gulps )" "Mom, how was your day?" "Not too bad, actually." "I helped deliver twins, assisted in two tonsillectomies and not a single kid threw up on me all day." "Anything else you'd like to ask, Carl?" "Yeah." "Can I be excused?" "Hold on there, cowboy." "I believe Carl would like to volunteer to clear the table." "He would?" "It's my lucky day!" "( laughing )" "See you, Carl." "Hey, don't get dishpan hands." "( grumbling )" "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" "Urgency overrules propriety." "Listen, I'm going to make a deal with you." "You "86" George, and I'll give you an all-access pass to my doghouse to be used any time day or night with the exception of Tuesdays when there are top secret operations going on." "Sorry, no deals." "Okay, okay, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm willing to share custody of my petrified eyeball with you." "Carl, I have to maintain my campaign platform." "And I'm not interested in your old eyeball." "Doesn't the word "pardon" mean anything to you?" "This discussion is over." "( grunts angrily )" "We'll see about that!" "So do you think George is having a positive influence on Carl yet?" "Well, it's a little early in the program, don't you think?" "I just assigned George yesterday." "Absolutely." "And just because Taylor cheated on her quiz to get June Royce as a big sister so she could get a discount on a wardrobe doesn't mean your program isn't working." "I didn't hear about that." "Then you probably didn't hear about C.C. refusing to do homework so she'd get a big brother who'd drive her to school so she wouldn't have to take the bus." "Uh, no, but thanks for the update." "Glen, I'm not going to assign you a big brother who will get you into R-rated films." "( sighs )" "Bribery won't work, Carl." "I'm not calling off George." "I really didn't want to go here but... ( gasps )" "Where did you get those?" "!" "Give me that!" "I don't think so." "You call off the program or I will paper the city with your bare, naked, baby butt." "Go ahead, Carl." "I'm a politician." "It's only a matter of time before my dirty laundry hits the stands." "It will be humiliating but it will pass." "You're the one who will be tormented with the guilt of blackmailing your own flesh and blood." "Okay, okay, no need to get dramatic here." "( sighing )" "Naked pictures." "That was a close call." "So what do you think?" "Well, the junk may be gone but the stench of my rotting sandwich collection will never fade." "This room deodorizer should take care of it." "You know, George, this past week with you has been tough yet rewarding." "And now that I've been persuaded to mend my ways," "I want to thank you for your time and your relentless instruction." "Nice try but we still got a long road ahead of us." "( whistle blowing )" "See you tomorrow, chief." "Remember, good Carl's in bed by 8:00." "Come in, Hoods." "We've got an emergency on our hands." "HOODSEY ( on transmitter ):" "Reporting for duty, Carl." "Your presence is requested ASAP." "A certain redheaded person is overdue for some major payback." "This is not a test." "Repeat: this is not a test." "( both gasp )" "I thought you had a suspicious gleam in your eye." "Geez, I love being right all the time." "( sighs )" "Since when do you work overtime?" "It's not like this is a job." "When I take on a project," "I make it my life, my mission, my quest." "Well, it's all clear to me now." "This doghouse is the route of all your evil." "After school tomorrow, we'll start deconstructing it." "( gasps )" "Good night, Carl." "Good night, wee-hooded one." "Did he say..." ""Deconstruct?" "!" "Deconstruct?" "!"" "And I didn't like that "wee-hooded one" crack, either." "And now... now he wants to demolish my doghouse-- the most sacred place on Earth." "You're blowing everything way out of proportion." "George probably wants you to clean up a bit." "Earth to Ginger!" "You were the one who asked for this, Carl." "Ah." "I get it now." "You're just sacrificing me to your own ego." "You want me to be a living, breathing example of how well your program's working." "Newsflash!" "It's not working!" "It is too." "You know, I could understand if you wanted to keep George around because you think your plan is working." "But to keep him around to prove it isn't failing, that's low." "No, you know what?" "That's lower than low." "Well..." "You just refuse to admit you did anything wrong!" "GIRL:" "Oh, there she is." "( group actively conversing )" "I plan on ditching gym and getting caught so I'll be assigned a big brother." "Could you hook me up with Mike Reddington-- quarterback of the football team and total hottie?" "Do I know you?" "Oh, Ginger, in case anyone else tries to take credit for it," "I'm the one who let the air out of Milty's tires." "I'd like Jessica Turner as a big sister." "She's the most popular girl and it would do wonders for my reputation to be seen with her." "You know, I've never done anything bad in my entire life until today and it feels great." "Thanks." "( sighing ):" "No, no, no!" "( sighs )" "Carl was right." "The Ginger Foutley Persuasion- Not-Punishment Program is a total bust." "Hello." "Is everything okay, Principal Milty?" "Oh, yes... everything..." "everything's fine." "I'm fine." "We are all fine." "( clears throat )" "No, we're not." "We're bored." "We're desperately bored." "This program of yours has left me with nothing to do, no one to punish, no one to humiliate." "I am a man without a purpose." "Well, you may have one because my program's not working." "Really." "Oh, well, then as principal" "I have no choice but to end it." "I need my job back but I'm proud of you, Ginger, for giving it the old junior high try and it takes guts to admit you're wrong." "Thanks." "You'll take the fall for this alone." "( kids actively conversing )" "Where are you going, Carl?" "Our last class is this way." "Desperate times, desperate measures." "We're leaving early so we can ditch George." "By the time he figures it out, we'll have all the stuff in the doghouse hidden." "But how do we sneak out?" "There are hall monitors at all the doors." "( janitor grunting )" "What, are they putting lead in aluminum cans these days?" "Cake." "Who knew losing George would be this easy?" "( whistle blowing )" "I see bad Carl has once again reared his ugly head." "Don't worry, sporto." "I'm not going to give up on you even if it takes the rest of the year." "Now, come on!" "Let's go tackle that doghouse." "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin." "It's up to you but personally I wouldn't think of embarrassing my sister!" "Although given the way her program's been working out, she's doing a pretty good job of that all by herself." "Don't listen to him, Carl." "He's playing the sister card, trying to make you feel guilty." "Besides, you were going to get back at her just yesterday, remember?" "Hoods, blood is thicker than payback." "I'm all yours, Georgie." "Living proof my sister's program is working." "No!" "Sorry, George, but I've just received word they've pulled the plug on the Foutley persuasion program." "Yes!" "Look, here, Carl." "They can pull the plug on the program but they can't pull the plug on me." "George Magrority." "Remember that name, Carl." "And ask yourself when you feel the urge to cause trouble, "What would me, George Magrority, do?"" "First off, I'd clean up my syntax and then I'd remind myself that I'm not you, George Magrority." "He's Carl Foutley." "( chuckling devilishly )" "( knuckles crack )" "Fair enough, boys." "Carl, you're free!" "I am, Hoods." "I am." "Hey!" "The persuasion program may be over but the punishment has just begun." "Take a big whiff, Hoodsey." "Good, old-fashioned punishment never smelled so sweet." "I know." "Did they seriously think we wouldn't enjoy cleaning up this muck?" "Enjoy it because tomorrow we're clapping erasers for ditching school early." "( boys laughing mischievously )" "( sighing sadly )" "Hey, kid, you should be proud of yourself." "Why?" "I bailed on my program." "Oh, you tried." "That's what's important." "I guess so but I still acted like a jerk when it came to Carl." "Don't worry, toots." "Something tells me he'll get over it." "( sniffing )" "Oh, you're taking a bath tonight, Carl." "No discussion." "Carl, Dodie told me something that Hoodsey told her." "Which was?" "Were you letting George destroy your doghouse to support my program?" "Affirmative." "Wow." "And I wouldn't cut you any slack." "Even though I blew up the plumbing system for noble reasons, well, I did blow it up and I figured if I started out with good intentions, you probably did too." "Great minds think alike." "Well, my intentions might have been good but my program was a bad idea from the start." "No, there's no such thing as a bad idea." "Trust me, Sis, all ideas are good." "Carl, I'm really sorry about George." "He was a total walking nightmare." "LOIS:" "You can say that again!" "( kids giggling )" "Captioningsponsoredby THE U.S.DEPARTMENTOF EDUCATION andNICKELODEON" "Captioned by MediaAccessGroupatWGBH  access.wgbh.org" "MRS. GORDON:" "Everyone knows you're just a gullible sidekick." "HOODSEY:" "Am not!"