"And now let's welcome our hometown hero, the next governor of Washington, Al Donnelly!" "(cheering)" "Attention, Buckley residents." "Voters of all ages, vote for Al Donnelly." "He's the best man for the job." "You can count on Al, that's for sure." "Folks, if you're wondering who to vote for, Al Donnelly's the man for the job." "I have to go home now, little doggies." "Nothing for you in this truck." "No food." "Dogs, I want you to go home." "Get off my bumper!" "Come on!" "Jesus!" "Aaagh!" "Oh, God!" "Oh, my God." "What is with you dogs?" "!" "D'you think this truck is in heat or something?" "Get out of here!" "If I got the same welcome everywhere I went that I got here in my home town, my candidacy would be a lock!" "(cheering)" "(barks)" "With your help, we will make it all the way to the Capitol!" "(chanting) Al Donnelly!" "Al Donnelly!" "Al Donnelly!" "Al Donnelly!" "(amplified barking and growling)" " Did you do this?" " No, no, no..." "Did you?" "(growling)" "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." " (woman screams)" " Mother..." "Oh, there is a God." "Tell me that is not your brother." "What the hell is a marquee doin' here?" "It's crazy!" "Al, I'm so sorry." "Man, I don't know what happened." "Mike, forget it." "Did you think it was a drive-in movie?" "(both laugh)" "(blasts horn)" "I could get time off from the rec centre." "They said I could, to help you campaign." "So I was thinking maybe I could go on the road with you and help out, or..." "Mike, I know you're behind me 100%, but I need some different help from you." "Oh, man, whatever you want." "You know that." " Fighting Donnellys stick together!" " Right!" "Listen, I got a lot of good people in my corner." "They want what we want." "And we're gonna get there." "It's just gonna take some finesse." "I'll do anything." "Just name it and I'll get started." "There's a lot to be done right here, like phone canvassing, stuff like that." "So stay put and I'll get you the details." "All right?" " We gonna do it, little brother?" " Yeah!" " Come on." "Let's go." " All the way, Governor." "Dock Workers' Union." "Let me make myself clear." "My brother is a priority." "Let's just find someone in the organisation." "Just as long as he or she is reliable and helps Mike make a contribution." "So just find someone and give them the assignment... now." "(man) Excuse me, Mr "About to be Governor Elect" Donnelly." "This assignment you describe, if someone volunteered and did it well,  would he or she earn a staff position in your new administration?" " Steve, not now." " Hey." "Uh, yes." "He or she most certainly would." "Then I am your man." "(ringing tone)" "Hi." "This is Mike Donnelly." "I work over here at the recreational centre." "To be honest, I pretty much run the place!" "Is this, uh, Pat Giles?" "Good." "Good." "Hey, I hope everything's going great in your fine town of, uh, Avery..." "Atwood." "The reason I'm calling is I wanted to tell you about the candidacy of Al Donnelly." "Al Donnelly's a guy with a dream." "His dream is to be governor of Washington." "Hell, every guy's got his dream, am I right?" "I had a doozie myself last night!" "Get this: a cornfed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish woman, whips, chains, whistles, yo-yos, a circus midget, my grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger, and a duck." "Now, I don't know..." "Are you crying?" "Oh, my Lord." "I am sorry." "Honey, please don't." "Could you get your daddy on the phone?" " No, don't hang up, please." "I..." " (hangs up)" "Whoa." "All right, I want a 32 belly option on two, on two." "Ready?" "Break!" "Hut one." "Hut two." "Let's do it!" "Oh, hey, little girls." "Yeah!" "(cheering and whooping)" "This sucks!" "These teams aren't fair." "What's wrong, Sullivan?" "You mad cos you found out the new kid got an arm?" " Suckers, take the walk." " Screw this." "I quit." "Fine then." "Here's to the winners." "Yeah!" "Kemp, fake head butt." "DeSalvo, fake head butt." "New kid, fake head butt." "Ow!" "You broke my nose!" "Oh!" " There's so much blood." " I swear I did not mean to do it!" "Please!" " Ketchup packet." " (laughter)" "Come on, guys." "This is weird." "Let's go play some kickball." "Yeah, come on." "Forget those guys." " What's your name?" " Scott Colleary." "Colleary." " You got a hell of an arm, Colleary." " Thanks." "Yeah." " Don't worry about those guys." " They don't like me too much." " Is your mom picking you up?" " My mom and dad got a divorce." "I have to live with my grandma now." "Oh, come on." "Label your streets like the rest of the country." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Buddy, are you OK?" "I'm not that far from dragging you out of the car and beating you into dust." "You should work up to that." "Kind of leaves you nowhere to go." "I can go to your mama's and start a small fire in her panties." "Now, are you ready to get out of the car?" "No, sir." "You know what?" "That was my fault and I'm really sorry." "Here, I got something for you." "It's a souvenir." "Oh, here it is!" "Yeah!" "Goodbye!" " Oh, shit." " (honking)" "I don't believe this." "Damn it." "I gotta ditch this guy." "Hey!" " That's my grandma." "Mrs Oneacre." " Hi, ma'am." "Bet you made some nice friends today, huh?" "(Scott) See ya." "Scott." "God gave you a hell of a throwing' arm, and I'll be damned if I'll let that go to waste." "I want you on the field every day working on your game." "How's that?" " Sure." " Nice to meet you, ma'am." " Hey, Mikey." " Hey, Robbie." "I spoke to Anderson at the theatre." "He wants me to lock you up." "I bet your brother's pissed, huh?" "No, he was pretty cool, as usual." "I wanna show you something." "In fact, I'm gonna be working with one of his top guys." "Whoa!" "Nitrous oxide boosters!" " This thing must haul major ass." " You could say that." "Oh, great." "Damn it." " Get out of my way, buddy." " Lady, I got somethin' for ya." " A souvenir for you here." " Yes?" "Never mind." "Forget it." "What are you doing?" "Playing pocket pool there, son?" " Excuse me." " You got a little chubby goin' there." "Dream on, you little fart." "Please don't be Mike Donnelly." "Hi." "Hey." "I'm Steve Dodds, one of your brother's advisors." " His top advisor, actually." " Wow." "It's great to meet you." "Nice to, um, see you." "Al, your brother, told me to drop everything, come down here, get you organised for the final push, for the election." "Well, let's get to it." "Team Donnelly gonna kick a little Tracy butt." "Oh!" "Aaargh!" "What I thought is, we'd start with the supermarket, canvass that area first." " I..." " No, trust me on this." "It's a good idea." " But..." " Listen, I'm running this show." " I know what I'm doing." " (moans)" " D'you have to go to the bathroom?" " Please... pop... the hood." " Please!" " Oh, your thumbs." "The hood." "OK." " What latch?" "Where d'you want me to..." " Just pop the hood!" "Please!" "Popping the hood." "(wails)" "Good afternoon." "We'd like you to vote Al Donnelly for governor." "Yeah, thanks." " Hi, ma'am." " (gasps)" "Vote for Donnelly." "Sorry." "I think it's better if we bring the energy down a tad." "Are you kidding me?" "These are potential voters." "It's showmanship." "You gotta go out and get 'em." "Watch and learn." " Hi, folks." "Vote for Donnelly!" " Good God, man." " Let me get that for you." " Look, I drove down here." " I can put the groceries in the trunk." " Help from the Donnelly campaign." " Back off, buster." " Oh!" " Come on, Mother." " Let me help you, sir." " Get in the car, dear." " All right, Mother." "Folks, I'm having a little trouble here." "Help!" "Help, please!" "He must be all hopped up on crack cocaine." "Floor it, Harold!" "I can't!" "I can't!" "Argh!" "Help!" " Good." "I think I've lost him." " Stop!" "Please!" "Aargh!" "Aargh!" "OK." " Good first day." " Yeah." "Washington State." "Isn't it a great place to raise a family?" "That's because for the last eight years I've worked hard as your governor to make sure our state is clean, safe and fiscally sound." "If re-elected to a third term, I'll do my best as your governor to make sure that all the hopes and dreams of Washingtonians come true." " (man) And cut." " I need a break." "I'll be right back." "Did you get the latest polls?" "Donnelly's brother took a campaign van on a rampage." "He can't get a break!" " But they gained another two points." " We're OK." "A lot can be done in a week." "If we don't do something soon, he'll be living here." "Who left this crap in here?" "Promise me you'll stay in the car." "I promise." "(excited chatter)" "Whoa!" "What have we got here?" "A tall cool one!" "Yeah!" "Go for it." " I wanna get wrecked!" " (all laugh)" "Oh, yeah, man!" "# Smokin', snortin', shootin', sucking', tokin', poppin', droppin'" "Let's do a little dance." "A party with you!" " The kid's a star." " No, he's a gold mine." " (Mike) Ah." "Horseshit!" " (glass smashes)" " Front page." " Jesus, Mike!" "But it turns out he was giving these kids a speech about saying no to drugs." " Can the paper print a retraction?" " They'll run it on page 36 in two weeks!" "Al, you can take this election." "But your brother is creating his own media feeding frenzy-all negative." "We have got to put a lid on him." "You're right." "But he doesn't deserve to be exiled." "You just tell Steve to watch him like a hawk and to keep the reporters at bay." "(cheering)" "Welcome, Washington Teachers' Association!" "Welcome!" "Washington has the most beautiful forests in America." "And I am proud to be an honorary Clark County lumberjack." " The tree's not falling." " Yeah, I know." "Don't let anyone ever tell you your job is easy." "Oh, my God!" "You make the call." "The rest is for damage control." "You stay put." "Thank you, gentlemen." "Excuse us just a moment." "What happened?" "It should've gone down on the first whack." "You covered really well." "You're lucky a kid didn't get his head cracked wide open." "Yes, ma'am." " Did you get the numbers in?" " Oh." "Hot off the wire." " Donnelly's levelled off." " Mm-hm." "We're dead even." "Look at this." "Front page." ""Donnelly's brother is like Roger Clinton, Billy Carter and Ronald Reagan's entire family rolled into one."" "Let's move this out of the land of mere embarrassment into the realm... of serious effect." " Ready to play the game?" " I've got some pretty nasty ideas." "Good." "Act on them." " I've been fired." " What?" "Why?" "He said the rec centre's state-funded." "He can't afford to be associated with any kind of a scandal, especially one involving kids and drugs." "He said he stood up for me, but word came from the top for me to get out." "It's crazy, man." "I don't know what to say." "I love this job." "I've been here since the place opened." "And then they just..." "Dude, can I get a couple of minutes just to clear some of the gear out?" "Yeah, sure." "Hey, I'm sorry, man." "Take your time." "(chatter)" "Hey, fellas." "How's it goin'?" "Can I help you?" "Hey, Mike." "How's things?" "Kind of pissed off about losing your job, huh?" " All right, pal." "What's goin' on here?" " You shouldn't play with matches." "Hey!" "What the hell are you doing?" "God!" "(Mike shouts)" "Shit!" "Oh, my God!" " Why in the hell?" "!" "No!" " (siren)" "Mike, how the hell did this happen?" " Robbie, you know I didn't do this." " Jesus, Mike." "Give me some credit." " Did you see who did it?" " Two guys." "I don't know them." "They didn't count on me getting here first." "Look, get out of here." "When the troopers arrive, I'll tell them I didn't find anybody here." "All right?" " Go ahead." "Take off." " Thanks, Robbie." " I owe you one, man." " Call me later." "(distant sirens)" "Base, this is Mieghem." "I'm at the rec centre." "Send fire units and a backup." "I'm the only one down here." " Well, did he do it or not?" " Kovary, I lean toward the negative." " I know what you're saying." " Shh." "Give me the phone." "Steve, it's Al." "What is going on?" " Hey, Al." "Well, in my opinion..." " I wanna talk to my brother." "Al, I know how this must look, but I had nothing to do with that fire." "I loved that place." "It was my life." "You gotta believe me!" "I believe you." "You were set up." "And we're gonna get to the bottom of this." "We have a game plan." "Don't we, Roger?" " Tell me what to do and I'll do it." " Roger and Steve'll work it out." "Mike, don't worry." "Everything is gonna be OK, I promise." "Thanks, Al." "Thanks." " Steve here." " Meet me downstairs in the lobby." "Dodds, listen to me very carefully." "We have got to keep this... this bozo under wraps until the election is over." "Now, I want you to do exactly as I tell you." " Yeah." "OK." "Keep talking." " I know a place way outside town." "All right!" "Bunk beds!" " I got dibs on top." " OK." "(Steve) First class, right?" " What's that black thing?" " What?" "I don't know." " Touch it." " What?" "You touch it." " You afraid?" " No, I'll touch it." " You totally didn't touch it." " Well, then you touch it." " I will if you will." " All right." " (bat screeches) - (both) Whoa!" "Man!" " What is that?" " It's Ozzy Osbourne." "Whoa!" "Oh, my God." "Whoa." " I think it's gone." " I hate those damn things." " (screeching)" " Oh, man!" "Agh!" "Agh!" "It bit me!" "I'm gonna get rabies!" "I'm stuck." "I'm stuck." "Come on!" "Oh!" "I got an idea." "OK?" "I'll open the fridge, you hit the lights." "Bats are attracted to light." "He'll fly in the fridge, I close the door, end of story." " That's moths, you dumb-ass, not bats." " Oh, yeah, moths." "Eegh!" "Watch this." "That's it." "Corner it." " I think I got it." " No way." " I think it's in there." " Well, then look." "You look." "All right." "We'll both look together." "One, two..." " Three!" " Agh!" "You idiot!" "You can't catch a bat with a pot, moron." "You take a mop and a broom..." "Oh!" " Oh, God!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh, God!" " (screeches)" "Get this thing off me!" "What the hell are you..." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Why are you hitting me?" "Ow!" "It's gnawing at my skull." "For God's sakes!" "Ow!" "Ow!" " Die!" "Die!" " Please!" "You're aggravating it!" "Why are you kicking me?" "Ow!" " I can't see a damn thing!" " Die!" " Oh, Jesus!" " I think I nailed it!" " (screeching)" " I don't believe it." "He's still alive." "Can we please try my idea?" "Come on!" "Hold the thing tight so it gets in there." " I'm trying." " Well, try harder." "Stay over there." "Moron!" "OK, it's flying in now." "It's flying in now." "It's flying right in the middle." " It touched my hand." " If this doesn't work I'll sleep in the car." "Stay there." "OK." "OK." "It's right in the middle." "OK, we got it, we got it, we got it..." "It's outta there." "Good night, Steve." "Good night, Mike." "The police officer who arrived before our guys was a friend of Mike's." "He let him go and didn't report seeing him, so Mike wasn't linked to the fire." "Neuschwander, you finished stirring, or is this a fucking science experiment?" "!" "I realise you must stick close together cos you share a common backbone, but I wanna see some movement!" "Now!" "This is great." "There's 1,502 registered voters in Garfield County." "Go get 'em, Al." "Hey, pretty good day." "No screwups." "Keep up the good work." "I'm gonna go take a squeege." "Oh, God!" "(echoes)" "(insufficient signal tone)" " (insufficient signal tone) - (sighs)" "Eegh!" "Oh!" "(insufficient signal tone)" "What is wrong?" "Oh, something tells me I want this car to just keep driving." "Hey, gang." "Is there an Opie convention in town?" " I'm kidding." " You're not from around here, huh?" " You know what, I am." "Born and raised." " Nope." "Can't be true." "Fire!" "Thanks for not shoving the nozzle up my ass first!" "(tyres screech, kids yell)" " Vote for Donnelly." " (echoes)" "Every vote counts." "Argh!" "Oh." "Aaargh!" "No, no, no, no!" "Oh." "Oh." "Oh, thank you, little roots." "Please stay strong." "What in the hell was that all about?" "You freaks better be careful, cos next time I don't go down so easy." "Next time I'll be, like, "You wanna spray me?" "How about this?"" "Arm grab!" "Aie!" "Snap kick!" "Side kick!" "Rabbit punch!" "Rabbit punch, into pile-driver!" "That's right, my friend." "It's a pile-driver." "Oh, who else wants some?" "You?" "Sleeper hold." "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah." "Hey, that's my car." "It's that same asshole." "Whoo!" " (phone rings)" " Oh." "(imitates a "ringing" bird call)" "What the hell was that?" "Whoa, what happened to you?" "D'you fall in some mud or something?" "Yeah, I did." "And I'm gonna be rich, because I'm the only person on earth who knows where to find white mud." "I didn't say "mud"." "I said "crud"." "D'you fall into some crud or something?" " Get some water to wipe off that crud." " I'm not a kid that'd believe that." " Shut up, Steve." "Where'd you go?" " To make a call." "Remember I told you a guy stole my car?" "He's a mile away." "He's driving it." " Well, let's go get it back." " Uh-uh." "This guy is unstable, at best." "You can't keep running away from things." "You gotta be tough." "Argh!" "Argh!" "Snakes!" "Oh, no!" "One looked at me!" "Check your underpants!" "I hate those things!" " This gets worse every second." " I hate snakes!" "(both scream)" "Whoa." "Check it out." " Jump in." "Wash that crap off." " There's probably piranha in there." " This place is a nightmare." " Get tough, nancy boy." "Jump in." "I don't see you goin' in." "Ugh." "Where'd you go?" "Hello, Washington!" "Yeah!" "Aaaargh!" "De-de-de, do-do-do!" "(laughs)" "This is great." "I've never won three games in a row." "I hardly ever play checkers." "Yeah, yeah." "Well, you know, it's kinda easy to win when you, um... never move your back row!" "Ever!" "God!" "Come on!" "OK, well, where would you want me to move this one?" "There." "King me!" "OK." "Move this one here." "It's safe, I swear." "It's safe." "(laughs)" "That wasn't safe at all." "What an idiot." " Oh, this is fun." " Yeah, yeah, it was." "(bird cries)" "What's goin' on?" "That's not normal." "(both scream)" "How the hell did that happen?" "Ow." "Oh." "Oh, man!" " This place is trashed." " Check this out." "This whole fridge is held up here just by this plug." "(Mike screams)" "(groans)" "You OK?" "I'm just dandy!" "I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!" "We didn't have any pudding in there, buddy." "(Mike) This sucks." "I can't believe I forgot to call Scott Colleary." "Good luck getting out." "It's never gonna work." "Yes, it will." "All you need to do is get a signal." "(insufficient signal tone)" " (ringing tone)" " Hello?" " Hello?" " Hello?" " Hello?" " Hello?" " Mrs Oneacre?" "Hello?" "Mrs Oneacre?" " Yes." "Hello?" "Are you there?" "Hello." "This is Mrs Oneacre." "Are you there?" "Mrs Oneacre, it's Mike Donnelly." "Is Scott there?" "No." "Oh, jeez." "I had to leave town." "Could you tell him I'm sorry and I'll make it up to him?" " Yes." " (moans) Don't forget to tell him that." " Bye." " Hello?" "Good night, Steve." "Good night, Mike." "(wind howling)" "(creaking)" "(snores)" "Ow!" "Oh, man." " Oh, God." " I don't like this, Mike." "Mike?" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "Ooh!" "(Steve) Whoa!" "This sucks!" " Good night, Steve." " Good night, Mike." "(thunder rumbling)" "Hey, Mike. "I got dibs on top bunk"!" "Shut up." "(laughs derisively)" " Oh, I love it." " Why don't you shut up?" ""Hello, Washington!"" " How's the weather up there, buddy?" " Shut up!" "(Steve carries on laughing)" "Oh, no." "Ow!" " (ringing tone)" " Hello?" "Hey, Roger?" "How you doin'?" "It's Mike Donnelly." "Is Al there?" "Uh, gee, Mike." "Al's kind of busy right now." "Ha, I know." "I just wanted to tell him I'm working my tail off for him up here, and there's no way Al's gonna lose Gaffield County." "That's great." "I'll be sure to tell him." "Thanks for ringing up." "Come on, let me talk to Al." "It's only gonna take a minute." "Al doesn't wanna speak to you." "What do you mean, Al doesn't wanna speak to me?" "Why?" "Listen very carefully to me, Mike." "You know what Al calls you when you're not around here?" "The idiot." "OK?" "All right?" "Is that blunt enough for you?" "You are not going to speak to him now." "And if I had my way, you wouldn't speak to him after he's elected governor!" "(hangs up)" "Kovary." "Man, that guy's a dick." "Who is he to say I can't talk to my own brother?" "You know?" "I ought to go down there and straighten this thing out." "What do you think, Steve?" "Al's speaking at that Rock The Vote concert in Seattle." "Steve?" "What do you think if I went down to..." "Oh, that's sad." "(# rock music playing)" "Hey, it's cool." "I was in." "Where's the fire?" "Dude, we pay these bands' salaries by buying a ticket to this shit." " Oh, yeah?" " Yeah." "Okey-dokey." "Come on." "Son, step away from this vector and get into a different coordinate, pronto." "There's no access for you in this quadrant." "Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children there and give them your power trip?" "They might be impressed by it, asshole!" " Yeah!" " Young fellow, I'll twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine!" "I will dance with you inside of the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area far and fast!" "Now!" "(music stops)" "Wow!" "Man, I liked that move." "Yeah, I learnt it in the '84 Bounce-Off over at Laguna Beach." " The one Mr T hosted." " As a matter of fact it is." "The same one." "(chuckles nervously)" "Wow!" "Whoopsie-daisy." "I was looking for my brother, Al Donnelly." "He's around here somewhere." "So you fellas are... performers or..." "Oh, no, thanks." "I never touch the stuff." "There's enough in the air here to get everybody high." "Besides, it gives you the munchies." "God knows, I don't need that." "Hey!" "But, uh... (emcee) Rock The Vote presents Mudhoney." "I don't think these kids wanna hear me talk about bond issues, man." "Al, we are lucky to be here." "Just go out, tell the kids to vote, do an interview with some MTV person and we're outta here." "All right." "# Like stacks and stacks of rats on rafts" "# Clutchin' anything we can" "# Stacks and stacks of rats on rafts" "# Weight of the world crushing' our backs" "# Tooth for a tooth" "# Eye for an eye" "# You know it's the truth" "# And this is why" "So he says "Rectum?" "Damn near killed him!"" "I love you guys." "This is fun." "So anyway, what you're saying," "I'm the Man, "Whitey", and you guys are the victims of a tyrannical, racist, oppressive society?" "That's right, man." "Man, that sucks!" "I'm gonna talk to some people and straighten this out, cos this is a bunch of bullcrap!" " All right?" " Yeah!" " I'm gonna go get 'em." " Kick ass, Whitey!" " So when do I go on?" " Six, seven minutes." "Just relax." " All right, all right." " Straighten your tie." " Should I lose the tie?" " Loosen the tie." "Just take it down." "Take it down." "Yeah!" "All right!" "Whoo!" "Yeah, man!" "I love you guys!" " Whoa, whoa." "Hang on." "All right." " Excellent!" " What's your name?" " Mike Donnelly." "Governor Donnelly?" "Nice threads." " No, you jag, he ain't the governor." " He's runnin'for governor." " Well, get on out there!" " No!" "No!" "You got the wrong guy." "Just a second." "Fellas, come on." "Uh..." "Um..." "I'm not supposed to be here." "Uh..." "God." "What is this?" "I, uh..." "I could sure use some cupcakes or peanut-butter cups about now!" " (riotous cheering)" " Yeah!" " You know what that's about!" " (whoops of approval)" "So I guess you guys should vote, you know, because... voting kicks ass, right?" "Yeah!" "And let me tell you, if you're gonna vote, why not vote for Al Donnelly, right?" "(cheering)" "(synchronised drumrolls)" "Cos if voting kicks ass..." "What in the hell..." "Oh, please, God, I'm dreaming." "...you've got some kick-ass shit!" "Oh, God." "I'm a dead man." "Oh!" "I'm hyperventilating..." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Cos I was born in the USA." "(shouts of "Yeah!")" "You gotta fight for your right to vote." "That's one small step for man, one giant..." " I have a dream!" " (cheering)" "Power to the people!" "Burn, baby, burn!" "Oh, Mike!" "Hey, fellas." "Yeah." "Kill Whitey!" "(stunned silence)" "No!" "No!" "No!" " What in the hell were you thinking?" " I'm sorry." "I just wanted to talk to you." " Oh, yeah. "Sorry."" " And I don't know how it happened." " I just got thrown on stage." " Why couldn't you stay put?" "I told you I would take care of everything." "But, no, we get "Kill Whitey"?" "!" "I can't believe I have to ask you this, but are you trying to screw this up for me?" "What is this?" "Do you want me to lose?" "If I really thought you believed that, I'd just..." "I'd wanna die." "Just stay outta the way." "OK?" "Are you or are you not the Black Angel of Death?" "Without question." "Don't agree with me." "It just pisses me off more." "It's over." "It's finished." "Talking about your brother's election hopes or my career?" "The person I care about most in my life... hates me." "I'm not a brother." "I'm an embarrassment." " So what do you wanna do today?" " I don't care." "Whatever you want." "Man, I wish we could watch your brother's debate on TV." "That's today?" "We gotta watch it." "How, by hooking a hanger up to the metal plate in your head?" "I know a place with a TV." "I saw it when we were putting up posters." "It's not far from here." "Let's go." " Here it is." " Of course." "This had to be the place." "How could you have such horrible instincts and survive this long?" " Looks like nobody's home." " Yeah, I met this guy." "Nobody is home." "Ooh!" "Agh!" "Run!" "(Mike) Come on!" "Move it!" "Move it!" "This guy's got a hell of a security system." "Ready to start filming, Mr Stone." "Really." "My God, this guy is like Leatherface, Chucky and Jan Brady rolled into one." "Eegh." "(Mike) "Honourable discharge." "Drake Sabitch."" "This must be his dad, Norris Sabitch." "And his Grandpappy Winston." "If he'd bought a smaller TV, he could've afforded a couch with less urine on it." "Yeah." "I want to see a Washington where children can walk down streets safely,  where people can leave doors unlocked and their minds are free from fear." "This is one area where I'm in total agreement with Governor Tracy." "In fact, I agreed with that statement when she made it in her first campaign for governor eight years ago." "Man." "My bro is knockin' the snot outta her." " I'm gonna go take a squeege." " Watch your step." "If you really wanna understand Mr Donnelly's view on family values,  take a look at his brother and ask yourself this question:" ""How far does the acorn fall from the tree?"" "Or should I say "nut"?" "(laughter)" "Yes, my brother has some problems, but who doesn't?" "And I just wanna say I love my brother Mike." "And I am very proud of him." "And I believe that Mike's problems are rather modest when compared to the problems facing our great state." "Those are the problems I am interested in." " (applause)" " Get her, Al." " (peeing)" " Ah." "Ooh." " Agh!" "Oh!" " You're in the wrong zone, soldier boy." "What the hell are you doin' in my perimeter?" "Um, sir, I'm not a soldier." "And I don't know if you read in USA Today last week, but the war is over." "You can punch out now, move on, let it go." "Who told you that?" "Charlie." "Um, I just talked to Charlie, and he's not mad at you any more." "So let's call off Operation "One of us is Crazy" and go our separate ways." " Don't get smart with me!" " Ow." "Tell me who sent you on this mission, or I'm within my legal rights to dispatch you with extreme prejudice." "(pees and moans)" "Sir, honestly, I just came back to get my rental car and an apology." "And if I could get that, I will gladly leave your... coordinates here." " Oh, the car?" " Uh-huh." " Is that all?" " (chuckles nervously) That's all." "Why didn't you tell me?" " God!" "Here's the keys." " Oh, thank you." "And here's my apology." "(pees)" "I can splatter your cortex or I can explode your heart." " Which sounds quicker to you?" " (pees) That's a toughie." "Agh!" "Whoo!" "Come on!" "Nice moves." "I'm seriously impressed." " Sergeant Drake Sabitch." " Mike Donnelly." "Nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you." "I wanna show you something." "Drake, you ever watch any Bruce Lee movies?" "I got every one of 'em on laser disc." "Well, come in." "Come in." "(# "Lady Marmalade" by LaBelle)" "That damned debate should've never happened in the first place." "Donnelly had a smart-ass comment to make after everything I said." "It doesn't matter." "I can't wait to see the look on his face when he goes down." "With all deference, Governor, if he goes down." "It's all up to the voter turnout, which our people think will be very high." "Well, it better be." "Or I'll have your balls in a jar on my desk." "A very small jar." "# Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" "# Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" "Are you getting sleepy?" "Good night." "Take home, put in bed." "Good night, dear." "Oh, she's totally legal." "I've got all her papers and I pay all the taxes." "Very good help, but "no speaka"." "Who?" "What does he want?" "Not sure, but he says he thinks you'll like it." "Pardon me." "Governor Tracy, this is Mr..." "Mr's fine." "So here's what went through my little head." "I got some pictures of your boys setting the Pierce County rec hall ablaze." "Or pictures that look like Mike Donnelly set the fire." "I wait for election day to near." "Whoever's trailing... gives good money for whichever picture does them best." "My gut says I'm glad you're trailing." "Well, I'll have to see the pictures first." "You'll have to tell me your name, so I'll know who to make out the cheque to." "My best friends call me "Cash"." "(# rock music playing)" "(turns off music)" " Promise me you'II..." " Shut up, Steve." "What could go wrong?" "I vote, I go home." "Over there." " Did I make it?" " Yes." " Name and address." " Mike Donnelly. 612 Caswell Street." " (woman) Oh!" "Hey!" "Excuse me!" " What's he doin'?" "Agh!" "I'm stuck in this thing." "Agh!" " Stop that!" " Oh, my God!" " Help!" " Are you crazy?" "Get this thing off of me!" " Agh!" " (women scream)" "It's OK." "It's OK, ma'am." "I, uh..." "Here you go." "I'm sorry." "Here you go, ma'am." "That is my fault entirely." "I'm sorry." "Here you go." "Here you go, ma'am." "OK." "OK." "I'm sorry." "Oh!" "You stupid jerk!" "What are you doing?" "!" "Who'd you vote for?" "(TV on)" "I bet the exit polls already have us by ten points." "After the events of last night a slight shift in voter sentiment was expected,  but no one anticipated this." "Early today this photo was released, linking Mike Donnelly to the scene of the Pierce County Recreation Centre fire." "The arson accusations came at the worst possible time for his brother Al Donnelly's drive to the governor's mansion." "Governor Tracy is about to claim victory..." "It's all my fault." "My brother lost his election because of me." " Cowlitz County." "Tracy wins by 280." " Oh!" "Garfield County." "Tracy: 1,048." "Donnelly: 834." "Tracy won Garfield County?" "A lot of good our grass-roots campaign did up there." "1,048 to 834?" "That's 1,882 votes." "There's only 1,502 voters up in Garfield County." "Somethin' isn't right." "The Governor is going to campaign HQ where she'll make her victory speech." " They're the guys that started the fire." " Those troopers?" "They were wearing street clothes, but that is them." "Steve, we gotta call Al now." "Wait a minute." "I gotta do somethin' first." "Here it is." "Voter registration for Garfield County." "I knew it!" "Looky here." "Any of these names look familiar?" " You were right." " Yeah." "Al didn't lose." "He got cheated." "And we got proof right here." " We get on the phone, alert the press." " Screw that." "She embarrassed me in front of a state, messed up things between me and Al." "Now it's gonna be payback time." "Where can I find her?" "There's a post-election ceremony at the governor's mansion at 10am." "Nothing's gonna stop us now." "(engine splutters)" "(engine dies)" "OK, maybe we could use some help." "We'll meet you there." "We can't do this without you." "You're a true American, Sergeant Sabitch." "I thank you." "OK." "Robbie, this is the biggest thing I've ever asked of you." "You sure it's cool?" "No, it's not cool." "And if you get pulled over, I'll say the car was stolen so I can keep my job." "Oh, and one more thing." "Do not use the tape deck cos it's been shorting out on me." "Don't forget." "(# rock music playing)" "(music stops)" "(music starts)" "(music stops)" "(music starts)" "(music stops)" "(music starts, then song comes to an end)" "Oh, what is this all about?" "We gotta be there at ten o'clock." "OK, people." "Coming through." "Official police business." "I want you to step lively." "Do not make me abuse my power." "(amplified) These guys think we're real cops!" " What the hell was that?" " A chunk in the road or something." "I just chunked in my pants." "Oh!" "Oh!" " That bug just smacked the windshield." " Oh, man." "I'll get it." "Here." "(burst of siren)" "Where is the frickin' thing?" "They got, like, levers galore in this thing." "There it is." "Man, that was weird." "That bug was comin' at me, we connected eyes." "He was in slow motion going "I can't stop!" "Don't wanna..." "Aiiesh!"" "Oh, man, that was wild." "It was so weird." "He was comin', just going "My life is good." "I'm alive, alive, alive... dead!"" "Oh." "This map is heavy." "It's got all those robes on it." "Rogues?" "Vroots?" " How come I can't say that word?" " Roads." "Row-ads." "Row-ads." "That's sort of a weird word, isn't it?" "That is a freaky word, man." "Very, very freaky." "I'm stoned." "So are you." "Row-ads!" "Damn it!" "The nitrous oxide's leaking into the car!" "Oh, man!" "Oh, we gotta... we gotta maintain." "I think you just drive the speed limit, we're gonna be cool." "All right." "It's cool." "I'll just go the speed limit." " Limit." "Limit." " Limit." " That's another freaky word." " Limit." " (siren)" " Did you turn the siren on?" "Dude, I can't even find the glove compartment in this thing." "Oh, my God." "Man, we're screwed." "Get in the back!" "Get in there!" "(music comes on, then goes off" "How you doin', buddy?" "Transportin' a prisoner." "12th Precinct up in Buckley Town." "My sarge gave me no overtime, so I'm doing it lickety-split." "Tell me, Officer, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" "Well, I got a 426 hemi in her." "Three-quarter cams, nitro boosters." "I can get her up to as good as 155." "Never do though, of course, unless I'm chasing a cute chick in a Ferrari!" "I guess I was going about 65, tops." "Seven." "Seven miles an hour." "And normally when I stop people they pull onto the shoulder." "I don't know how you do things in Buckley, but down here we are protective of the other drivers on the roads." " Row-ads." "Roods." " Quiet back there!" "I've taken enough guff from you for one day." "Raving psycho." "Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle." "Takin' him back to Nevada, where he's wanted for bangin' horses." "Good God!" "Then you get him through this state a little faster than seven miles an hour," "Officer..." "Uh, Meoff, Jack." "Go!" " Oh, man!" " What a goon." "You were great though, man." "That was genius." "I never would've thought of that." "That was hot." " Whoo!" " (sirens)" "Oh, shit!" "Oh, man." "I hope there's enough juice left in these boosters." " Yeah!" " Whoa!" "Whoo!" "See ya." "Oh, man!" "Whoo!" "We're live at the governor's mansion." "Today is a celebration of Governor Tracy's election to a third term, with all the campaign staff and their families gathering for a festive affair." "Governor Tracy, having just pulled out a squeaker, must be all smiles today." "We're just receiving word that Mike Donnelly, brother of Al,  is involved in a police pursuit." "Mike Donnelly is driving down Capitol Boulevard in a stolen police car." "I don't believe this." "Driver, head back to the capital." " What?" "You can't do this." " Do what?" "Commit career suicide." "I beg you, don't do this." "Give me some time." "I can make you a senator." "Jesus." "Did it ever occur to you family may be more important than career?" "Ever occur to you that at some point you'll have to make a choice between me and your loser brother?" "Go and scope it out." "Nobody's gonna recognise you." "OK." "Promise me you'll stay right here." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "This election was about the majesty of democracy, where the gathered masses held their vote high." "(applause)" "My re-election would not have been possible without the people in this state who supported me in this victory." "I must also thank my wonderful husband Dennis and my two beautiful, intelligent children..." "Psst!" "Steve." "I'm in." "Where the hell's Drake?" "He's supposed to be here." "I'm surprised we can't count on a guy whose bus is surrounded by mines." "All right." "Here's what we do." "We dress as caterers, right?" "Nobody looks at a caterer's face." "It's always "Whaddaya got in the tray?"" "Then we sneak around back." "When Tracy starts to..." "Something's happening here." "Steve, help." "Steve." "Steve, get back here." "Oh, my God." "The damn thing's caught in my belt." "God!" "Help, please!" " I can't..." " (gasps)" "I can't..." "God!" " You in the band, help." " Hello." "Help!" "God!" " Stay." " Steve!" "Help." " How are you?" " Steve!" "Please!" "Somebody!" "Somebody help me." "Somebody help me!" "Agh!" "Help!" "The voters have spoken, and I have heard their message loud and clear." " And that message is..." " (Mike) God!" "Help!" " Holy shit!" " (shocked gasps)" "(laughs nervously)" "Hi, there." "Hi." "Boy, I feel like a horse's patoot." "I, uh..." "Oh, no!" "For the love of God!" "Aaaarrggh!" "(groans)" "I'm all right." "I'm OK." "Gimme a minute." "Gimme a minute." "I'll be fine." "Nobody move, or Steve Dodds gets it!" " Who?" " Steve Dodds." " Who's this guy?" " From the Donnelly campaign." "What does it matter?" "He's got a gun!" "You're a cop." "Get over here." "I'll kill him!" "I'll kill him!" " I want that asshole taken out." " I'll get a sharpshooter on it right away." " Get your ass up there." " Ow!" "Everybody back up, or I blow the pipsqueak's head off." "I've got somethin' to say!" "Please listen to him." "Do what he says." "I have children." "Tommy and Sally..." " Shut up!" " All right." "You keep your mouth shut, squirt." "As soon as you get a clear shot, take it." "(Mike) OK, listen up." "This is serious business." "Now, we've all been screwed by Governor Tracy." "And now I'm gonna screw her!" "(shocked gasps)" "I mean, I have evidence here you need to know about now before it's too late." " Mike." "Mike, what are you doing here?" " Oh, man." " Isn't that Steve Dodds?" " Uh, yes, sir." "Al, man, I know what I'm doin'." "I'm gonna prove you won the election." "Mike, put the gun down." "There's other ways to handle this." "No, man!" "Al, there's no other way!" "You gotta believe me." "I believe you." "I just don't want you to get hurt." "Look, I know this looks bad." "Al, man, I'm not a screwup on this one." "I've got proof this time." "Real proof." "(Al) But the election's over." "It's history." "Like you're gonna be if you don't put that gun down." "Al, please!" "If you love me like a brother, you gotta back me up on this." "All right, Mike." "I'll back you up." "What do you want me to do?" "Just let me explain what happened." " Oh!" " (crowd scream)" "That's it." "Game over." "I'm not even getting paid for this." " This is not worth it." " Look out." "Look out." "Look out." "OK." "(crowd scream)" "Mr Thunder-maker here is gonna start barking' fire if you don't stop moving and listen to what this young man has to say." "Go ahead, Mike." "Clear." "Thank you, sir." "You've just met Drake Sabitch, a great American soldier." "I'd like to tell you about some other great American soldiers." "Drake Sabitch's grandfather, Winston Sabitch, whose name you'll find at the top of this list." "It says that he registered and voted for Governor Tracy." " We're proud to have him as a voter." " Hold your tongue, wench." "The fact is Winston Sabitch was killed in the Argonne Forest in 1918." "A zeppelin landed on his head, smashing his head clean out of his ass." "That's my granddad." "Rest in pieces, sir." "Norris Sabitch met his maker in Iwo Jima, 1944." "Nelson Sabitch was killed near the 38th Parallel in Korea." "But yesterday these men managed to cast their vote for Evelyn Tracy." "(disapproving murmurs)" "You heard it here, folks." "Voter fraud." "Half these people are buried in the Garfield cemetery." "That's one county." " It's probably the same statewide." " Hold on just a minute, young fellow." "There's a perfectly good explanation for all of this." "Neuschwander." "Actually, there is a perfectly good explanation for this." " She put us up to it." " Would you shut up?" "!" " It's all her." " Shut up!" "Ladies and gentlemen, this young man is a fine patriot." "He deserves to be hoisted up on our shoulders." " Sergeant, please." "This isn't necessary." " Come on." " Oh, you're a large American." " Argh!" "Get off of me." "My foot's caught a little bit." "I'm sorry." "I beg your pardon." " I'm asking you to get off me!" " Governor..." "I should say ex-governor!" "I'm just trying to get a little leverage on my foot." "Agh!" " No, no, no!" "Please, somebody help me!" " Oh, man." "(grunting)" " OK." "Hi, how are ya?" " Somebody get him off of me!" "For God's sakes." "(grunting continues)" "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "Thanks, bro." "At times in the campaign I lost sight of what really mattered." " I never should have doubted you." " Oh, thanks, man." "It's cool." "Are you sure you don't want a job on my staff?" "You know what, Al?" "I don't think I'm really cut out for politics." "Besides, I gotta rebuild that rec centre." " The kids really love the place, so..." " Yeah, I know." "Hey, I got somebody you gotta meet." "Scott, come here a second." "Check this kid out." "He's got an arm like you used to have." "Hey, Scott." "Hey." "Mr Governor, can I please have your autograph?" "Why not?" "Governor elect." "Get it right, moron." " There you go." " Wow." "Check this out." "Gimme a toss, Scott." "Hey, buddy." "Ooh!" "Nice toss, Scott." "Oh, man, the kid's got a cannon." " Go long." " OK." " Ow!" " Oh!" " I'm sorry, ma'am." " You OK?" " So long, little brother." " OK." "See you, Al." " So this is it, huh, Steve?" " I guess I'm gonna miss you." "I'm not gonna miss a 9mm to my head, but..." "What were you thinking?" "I don't know." "All right, you guys." "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." "Oh, my God!" "No!" "No!" "Please don't take off!" "Please!" "Al!" "Al!" "No!" "No!" "(Mike screaming)" "(# "Get a Job" by Hog)" "# Got no place Got no face" "# And everybody's got a problem with me" "# Got no life Got no jive" "# So everybody just get in line" "# I'll succeed Wait and see" "# I don't need your sympathy" "# I'm gonna get a job, get a job, get a job" "# Why doesn't anybody want me?" "# Why doesn't anybody need me?" "# I'm in debt, I regret" "# And I haven't won the lottery yet" "# Headfirst, into the hole" "# I ain't got no place to go" "# I'll succeed Wait and see" "# I don't need your sympathy" "# I'm gonna get a job, get a job, get a job" "# Why doesn't anybody want me, want me, want me, want me?" "# Why doesn't anybody need me?" "# I'll succeed Wait and see" "# I don't need your sympathy" "# I'm gonna get a job, get a job, get a job" "# Why doesn't anybody want me?" "# Why doesn't anybody need me?" "# Why doesn't anybody want me, want me, want me, want me?" "# Why doesn't anybody need me?" "# I'll succeed Wait and see" "# And then we'll all have a drink on me" "# I'm gonna get a job, get a job, get a job" "# Why doesn't anybody want me?" "# Why doesn't anybody need me?" "# Why doesn't anybody want me, want me, want me, want me?" "# Why doesn't anybody need me?"