"ANNOUNCER:" "January 22, 1959." "Live from Television City in Hollywood," "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "Art Carney, Leslie Nielsen, Katharine Bard, Jack Klugman," "Bonita Granville, George Voskovec, Alexander Scourby, starring tonight on "Playhouse 90."" ""Playhouse 90," brought to you by Kimberly-Clark-- world leader in quality products for home and industry." "Among them, wonderfully soft Delsey bathroom tissue, and Kleenex tissues that pop up one at a time." "On "Playhouse 90," to introduce tonight's show, Barry Sullivan." "Good evening." "When all a struggling writer can point to is rejection slips and a typewriter that belongs to the finance company, the sale of a television script is a pretty important thing, and it can start a whole series of events," "the end of which cannot be anticipated." "Tonight, "Playhouse 90" presents "The Velvet Alley,"" "a new television play by three-time Emmy winner Rod" "Serling." "Starring in a fine cast are Art Carney, Leslie Nielsen," "Katharine Bard, Jack Klugman, Bonita Granville," "George Voskovec, and Alexander Scourpy." "In just one minute, "The Velvet Alley," by Rod Serling." "SINGERS: [SINGING] Get the big soft towel that's built like a sponge." "Brand new Kleenex towels!" "Built like a sponge." "So different from ordinary paper towels." "Just squeeze the Kleenex towel package." "Feel the sponge-like softness." "And see how this wonderful new Kleenex towel shapes itself right to your hand, making it easy to get the corners of this casserole dish and grab up grease quickly." "It's so much easier to work with than stiff, ordinary towels." "You'll notice too that new Kleenex towels tear evenly every time." "And they come in white, or pretty pastel colors." "So remember, when you're shopping" "SINGERS: [SINGING] Get the big soft towel that's built like a sponge." "Brand new Kleenx towels!" "For your convenience, new Kleenex towels come in the handy twin pack." "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "Embrace." "He kisses her forehead her hair her eyes her nose." "MRS. KASLOWSKI:" "Melvin!" "Melvin Kaslowski!" "Hi, Ern." "Hi, Melvin." "Your grandmother's looking for you." "She'll get over it." "What you writing, Ern?" "You writing a television script?" "I was." "Boy, I saw a good one last night. "King Kong"-- all about this giant monkey that climbs on a big building." "You ever see that one, Ern?" "Yep." "20 years ago." "It holds up, Ern." "It holds up, huh?" "Whatcha writing?" "Got any gorillas in it?" "Well, the hero is kind of hairy." "Anybody get it?" "No, Melvin." "It's not what you call an action piece." "What is it?" "Well it's what you might call a" "A what?" "A love story." "You mean like a kissy?" "Well, that's part of it." "A man and a woman?" "Melvin, do you think it would be better with a pterodactyl and a dinosaur?" "MRS. KASLOWSKI:" "Melvin Kaslowski!" "You've had it!" "Gee, Ern." "I don't think you're going to sell this one either." ""Paul and Gretechen embrace." "He kisses her forehead, her hair, her eyes, her nose."" "[INAUDIBLE]" "MRS. KASLOWSKI:" "Melvin!" "Are you in there?" "Hey, Ernie, wanna get hit in the gut with a 45?" "I'd love to, Melvin." "Shoot me, Ern!" "Shoot me!" "Come on!" "[GROANING]" "Gives me a funny feeling right in here, Melvin." "You've had it boy." "Out." "Out, out, out." "Now you-- you get out of here and leave Ernie alone." "And Ernie." "You just keep on writing." "Don't get discouraged." "After all, you know, if at first you don't succeed, try, try, again." "Am I right?" "Am I right?" "Ah!" "Get out of here!" "[MUSIC" " TCHAIKOVSKY - "SWAN LAKE"]" "[BUZZER]" "[BUZZER]" "Whatcha doing?" "Dirigibles." "Dirigibles?" "What is that?" "I'm a big gas bag." "Dirigibles." "Exactly!" "Hey, Max!" "Hey, Ernie!" " Hey, you working?" "I'm recovering." "Want some coffee?" "No." "Is it any good?" "I don't know." "Melvin panned it." "Who?" "Melvin." "The kid outside." "The only 11-year-old critic in the United States." "He says there's no gorillas in it-- it won't sell." "You know Max, the other day I figured out exactly what I've made this year." "Came to $436." "How do you judge a writer, Mr. Panders?" "By his checkbook?" "I read that thing you sent in." "The 90-minute piece" "That's the crazy thing about writers, Max, isn't it?" "You tell 'em you read their stuff and all of a sudden their heart stops." "Everything suddenly gets suspended into space and they stop breathing." "What was it." "Lousy, Max?" "Is it so bad you didn't even want to send it in?" "Can I preface?" "Go ahead." "Preface." "Be my guest." "Well, I'm only a minor-league agent, but I think I have taste." "I think I can tell if there's any quality to be found on the page." "And Ernie, that 90-minute piece you sent in is one the most beautiful things I've ever read." "Now if you'd paid your phone bill," "I could have called to my congratulations." "Thanks, Max." "Thank you, Ernie, for being a very exceptional writer." "And the sentiment's beginning to strangle me." "You give my love to Pat, and I'll keep in touch, huh?" "OK." "Oh, how are you, Mr. Pandish?" "Good, good." "How's your business?" "You call it that, don't you?" "Business?" "Something like that." "You don't dig agents, do you Mr. Pandish?" "Agents!" "Since I lived with this man here," "I'm beginning to understand." "Agents, they're like writers, like my son." "My old man used to tell me if you don't sweat, you don't know you are working." "But my son is a college man, so what should I know about it?" "You should get a scarf, Salter." "You'll catch cold!" "Thank you very much." "I'll call you later, Ernie." "Not a bad fella," "Despite all, huh Pop?" "So!" "Bring me something-- some of the words you wrote today." "I can't, Pop." "It's a story about two prehistoric animals." "There's no dialogue-- it's all pantomime." "Oh." ""Paul and Gretchen embrace." "He kisses her forehead, her hair, her eyes, her nose."" "What's the matter-- this girl ain't got no mouth?" "Becomes champion of the world!" "But then he can't fight anymore." "So now, everybody's against this guy, to get the needle after him." "They call him a cheese campion." "Oh, there's a telegram on your desk, Salter." "Mr." "Salter." "Mr." "Salter." "And Zane Grey here would like an audience with you." "Max, I got it." "Now this time I've really got it." "You've got a fighter." "The fighter's got a kid brother, and the kid brother's got an incurable disease-- I mean it can't be cured!" "He needs an operation desperately, right?" "OK." "So then the doctor, the doctor comes to the party-- says, look, your brother's a pretty sick cat, daddy, and I'm telling you he needs an operation like crazy!" "The doctor says this?" "Yeah." "Who plays the doctor?" "Scatman Crothers?" "Here." "The telegram, Willis." "Oh wait." "That's it." "Oh oo!" "I got a change!" "A change!" "He's a cowboy." "He's a fast gun." "And he promises his girl that he won't use the gun again, see?" "How about a science fiction piece?" "There's this rocket man who promises his girl never to go up in a spaceship." "What is it?" "What's the matter Max?" "You-- you don't look so good." "What is it?" "Oh." "Somebody just made a sale, Louis." "Really, Max?" "Max, Max me?" "The zombie story?" "Oo it's a fantastic yarn." "It's about this girl who marries a guy, and he's walking around on his heels all the time, see?" "Everybody thinks he's punchy, but he isn't." "He's dead." "All the time they's married you don't know he's dead, you dig?" "I'm sorry." "It wasn't your day." "It was somebody else's day." "Somebody who's waited an awfully long time." "[MUSIC" " TCHAIKOVSKY - "SWAN LAKE"]" "Oh!" "What's your name, honey?" "You come around here often?" "Here I am, the wife of a very big-shot writer." "But he'll never know the difference." "I never worry about writers." "They're always skinny, underfed, unappealing jerks." "[BUZZER]" "[BUZZER]" "Somebody's at the door!" "What you got on the Victrola?" "Phonograph, Pop!" "Phonograph?" "Well, what difference?" "A round thing goes round and round on a needle!" "[CHUCKLES]" "Hey, Max!" "Come here!" "Come on up!" "Oh!" "Come here!" "What's the matter?" "What's the matter now?" "Who am I?" "Why?" "What are you talking about?" "Tell me who I am." "You want me to go along with the game." "I want you to go along with the game." "Max Salter, agent." "Already you're wrong." "I was Max Salter, but I'm not Max Salter now." "All right, stranger." "Who are you?" "Well, I'm" " I'm Santa Claus, and I'm Kris Kringle, and I'm one of those three wise man, and I'm the Good Samaritan-- I'm Paul Revere!" "Are you drunk?" "I'm drunk-- that too, yeah." "But I'm not so drunk." "I'm not so drunk that I couldn't observe the simple amenities." "That is that there's some news to be told-- some wonderful news-- exciting news." "Let it come from the man's wife!" "You tell him that he just sold a script to the biggest TV show in Hollywood, and I called Eddie Kirkley, the producer." "They're going to fly him out next week." "And Patti, tell him after he's settled down that there's a pavement palling around here who would love to shake his hand." "What's the problem?" "What you crying for?" "Maybe because I got gray hair and no wife." "Or maybe because I'm going to be an undistinguished man for as long as I live or-- well, maybe because I'm so happy." "I'm so happy, it has to come out like this!" "Hey, Max!" "Watch out for him, Ernie!" "He's a nutsy!" "We're going to open up a bottle of wine." "We'd like to have you share it with us." "What happened?" "Ernie, just want to tell him he's been employed in one of the big shows!" "Ernie sold a television script!" "Come on in on two." "Come on." "Keep coming." "Readying the music." "And music." "And go to black." "And credits." "Turn it up, please, Brooks." "Lavit please." "And lavit please." "What's next, Lennon?" "The production card right after this, Brooks." "Lavit please." "Put up the production card please." "Great, great show Ernie!" "OK." "We're off the air." "Nice show everybody!" "[CHATTER]" "I don't care what they say." "That last scene was extended." "It played much too long." "Don't you think?" "I don't know Mr. Kirkley." "I guess it was a little long, but I think it came across." "You think so?" "Yes, sir!" "You really think so?" "Absolutely." "Uh, I don't know." "What'd you think?" "Mr." "Kirkley, I loved it!" "You did, huh?" "Well there you are, you see." "That's my perspective." "You get so close to these things Jerry, but I told that young writer-- what's his name" "Pandish" " I was very concerned about that last scene." "But that boy is so green!" "He's so uninitiated!" "Great show, Mr. Kirkley!" "Wonderful." "You think so huh?" "Ah, one of the best we've done." "You really think so?" "I'm sure!" "Oh!" "Here they come." "Now I told that one one dumb director to lose that last scene-- you heard me tell him-- you heard me tell him!" "We loved it!" "What?" "Beautiful show!" "The phone's been ringing like mad!" "Well, why not?" "That last scene tore your heart out!" "Well!" " Why shouldn't it?" "Well, that's something I want to tell you." "They try to cram too much into a scene." "You've got to give a scene the time to play." "In New York they loved they show." "They were on for five minutes." "They were crazy about it." "A great show!" "They really loved it!" "They really loved it, Al!" "Jerry!" "What did I say about him." "What did I say as I was coming in?" "Foreign, Mr. Kirkley." "Foreign." "That was my opening sentence." "I went out for a beer, I said" "Ernie, Ernie!" "Just wonderful, Ernie, just a beautiful job." "You are number one writer!" "Mr. Kirkley, you hear that?" "Mr." "Kirkley, there's a phone call for you." "Wasn't it the greatest?" "Oh, Ernie don't go away!" "What a story!" "What a story!" "He's going to be one of the finest writers" "[CHATTER]" "Ernie?" "Ha ha!" "Ernie!" "I would" "[CHATTER]" "Hey, coming on through!" "Stop walking on your elbows, will ya?" "Here you go Mr. Kirkley." "Wait a minute." "Reading something, huh?" "This will do." "Thanks Jack." "There we go." "How about one of these, eh?" "All right." "A big smile!" "Give it to me." "OK." "Now can we have one last time for the cameras please, huh?" "Outside." "He's going to be one of the finest writers!" "Talent." "Fantastic talent." "I handle writers, so I know." "I told Diedrich here at the literary department," "I told him three days ago when I saw the script in rehearsal, we've got our work cut out for us!" "We've got to grab that boy, that Pandish!" "Who represents him?" "Do you know?" "Yeah, I've got a nodding acquaintance with the guy." "Some little character from New York, isn't he?" "That's the rumor." "Well, he'll have to leave the US if he wants to escape me." "Freddie's like the Royal Mounties- he always gets his man." "Oh, incidentally, I'm Freddie." "Freddie Henderson." "I'm with the Chambers Agency." "What do you do, Jack?" "I get bored to death with agents named Freddie." "My name isn't Jack-- it's Max." "I'm a little character from New York, and I represent Ernie Panders." "Any other questions?" "Real glad to know you, Max." "May the best agent win, eh?" "Have a nice trip home." "I mean it, sincerely." "Drop dead." "And I mean that sincerely." "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "It's easy to make shopping decisions on some items-- particularly when one brand is different in several important ways." "A good example is Delsey bathroom tissue." "Delsey is really different." "For one thing, Delsey comes in an easy-to-carry four-roll package, so you always have extra rolls on hand." "And each one is wrapped to stay fresh and clean when stored on your shelf." "The roll itself is different too." "The first sheet is easy to find, easy to stock." "And look." "Delsey tears evenly every time." "Pink, yellow, aqua, and white." "But the difference you'll appreciate most is Delsey's wonderful softness-- the kind of softness you find in Kleenex tissues." "Aren't these good reasons for making" "Delsey your choice next time you shop?" "Thank you very much!" "[KNOCKING]" "Come on in." "[RINGING TELEPHONE]" "Some wires for Mr. Ernie Pandish." "Right on the table, will ya?" "[RINGING TELEPHONE]" "Hello." "Well I'm certainly delighted you like it." "Hey, thanks!" "Yes, I'll certainly tell him." "Thank you." "Operator." "Operator." "Hold up on any calls for a while, will ya?" "Thank you!" "Hey Max." "How do you like it?" "Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Hey, Jack Gould in the "New York Times."" "I read it." "You read it." "How about Crosby in the "Tribune"?" "I read that too." "You read that too, all right." "There is Ferris in "The News"!" "And Sal Ludman in the "Morning News"!" "Listen, I want to read [INAUDIBLE] again." "Again?" "You've read it 50 times!" "Here we go." "All righty." ""A stunning drama of almost unbelievable impact, the contribution of 'Premier Playhouse' last night." "Can't hear ya." "Ah they loved it!" "Who wrote it?" "Who knows?" "Oh, it's wonderful." "Hey, Max." "Have you ever tried reading your underwear?" "Where did you get that?" "I gotta breathe." "I gotta breathe." "You know something?" "Anybody ever come in here right now, they'll want to put us in a rubber room!" "You know something?" "Today-- today they can do anything they want." "And they will, too!" "Oh my stomach." "Hey." "Phone hasn't stopped ringing since 8 o'clock." "And you read any of these?" "They're offers for screenplays, legitimate plays, on television plays" "They're coming." "They're coming, sure." "You know what the most crowded place in the world is?" "What?" "A bandwagon." "Here it comes again!" "I've got a good-- a great idea." "Why don't we get our stuff together, you see, and then we'll go down and we'll have a leisurely lunch, and then we'll make plane reservations." "All right." "You're the boss." "Max, I'm glad to see you on your feet." "Woo-hoo!" "What a mess." "Hey, Max." "I almost forgot." "I just went to shop." "I see." "I got you a present, Max." "Happy birthday." "Come on." "It's not my birthday." "Well, I shopped early this year." "Come on, open it up, will ya?" "Happy birthday." "Oh!" "It's beautiful, Ernie." ""To my friend, Max Salter-- feast or famine, gratefully earned."" "Isn't that the sloppiest watch you ever read, Max?" "Maybe so." "The only way to get it off is with the arm." "Thanks, Ernie." "Thank you, Max." "For what?" "For standing around basking?" "What do you think I wanted to come out here for?" "I wanted to be footman on that bandwagon!" "Max." "You know what I did this morning, just for the fun of it?" "I tried to add up what all these offers came to." "They came to approximately $175,000." "$175,000 Max." "Just three weeks ago I had to talk a guy out of repossessing my typewriter because I owed him $36.20." "That's a crazy time to become a collector's item, isn't it Max?" "Me, a 42-year-old man who wasn't able to keep up the payments on a portable?" "Ernie Hey, let's get out of here!" "What?" "Let's get on a plane and go right back to New York." "Just like that?" "Just like that." "Look." "I've never been part of the success story." "But I know the pattern." "See, and they can eat you alive." "They'll cut you" "[PHONE RINGING]" "Yeah." "You've got an appointment with Mr. Kirkley?" "Well, I told him I'll have a farewell drink with him." "He'll be right down." "Come on, why don't you join us?" "No, no." "Won't take a minute." "No, no, look." "You give him my farewells and tell him he'll be hearing from me." "All righty." "See you in a minute." "Ernie?" "What?" "Going to ask me what time it is?" "All right." "What time is it, Salter?" "I'm very glad you asked that, Pandish!" "Uh, it's ten minutes past 11!" "Hey!" "Ernie!" "How are ya?" "Here." "Did you sleep well?" "Like a man who invented insomnia." "What can I get for you?" "Well, I think I'll just have a cup of coffee." "Well, I'm having a Bloody Mary, Ernie." "No, just coffee for me, thanks." "All right, uh-- another one of my special Bloody Marys, and a cup of coffee here for the young man." "Well!" "You're, uh, supposed to be in a plane this afternoon aren't you?" "Well, I will be in about three hours." "Ah, that's what I like about you young Eastern writers." "Never rest on your laurels, always back to the old machine to do more-- busy, busy busy!" "I'm not a young Eastern writer, Eddie." "I'm 42 years old." "I've been busy, busy, busy for a lot of years." "I don't care if you were [INAUDIBLE] grandfather." "To me you're fresh, you're new here." "But I think you're an idiot to go back to New York this afternoon." "Tell you why." "Because I want you to stay here, see?" "I want you to consider a contact with us." "Maybe three shows a year for next two, huh?" "Ah." "I'm a Bloody Mary man in the morning after a show." "Fortifies." "You know I can drink like there's no" " I feel like I've got a resistance or something." "Anyway, back to you." "Ernie." "I want you to stay out here, you see, and the reason for that is because I want you to work with me." "You know, when I work with a writer" "I always like to have them here on the scene, you see, because I tell you why Ernie." "I respect a writer." "I always respect the writer." "They can say anything they want about me, but, they can never say I've ever, ever knocked a writer." "Because I respect the writer." "They'll put that on my tombstone." ""Here lies Edward Kirkley, friend of the writer."" "Ern, if I could tell you some of the battles that I've had with that front office just to protect the writer." "Like with that programming head that they've got out there." "I mean, what does he know about creative people?" "I mean, when my option came up last year, who fought against it?" "He called me a lush, Ernie." "That's what he said-- a lush." "Unreliable." "That's what he said." "Unreliable." "Me, I've been in the theater since I was 21 years old, Ernie." "I did television in the days when they only had one camera, and a budget of 15 cents, and actors who worked for nothing." "Eddie, I haven't got much time" "What do you mean?" "What do you mean you don't have time?" "What do you mean you don't have time, Ern?" "Believe me, you've got time." "I haven't I'm the one who doesn't have the time." "I" " Ernie, I don't know where the hell at 37 years old." "You know, I've done too many shows, read too many scripts, tried to think of too many new ideas." "I'm dried up." "But I used to be a dynamo-- a perpetual motion machine," "I used to think." "You see, Ernie, the trouble is that there's just too many hours to fill on that little old screen." "And when you've tried to fill them for so many years, you dry up, you know." "The old well runs dry!" "You see, and that's why we turn to fellows like you, Ernie." "Come out here, and help keep us going." "Give us new ideas." "We lean on you a little bit." "Still leaning on this!" "You've got-- another one here." "Another?" "No, thanks, I'm fine." "Now where were we?" "Oh, yeah." "Uh." "Oh!" "Oh yeah." "Ah, $10,000 a script, Ernie, guaranteed three, and you can get out of those 3850 suits and go into the big leagues in a proper uniform." "That's cashmere, Ernie, cashmere and custom tailor." "Eh?" "All settled." "Right?" "Well, I gotta get going." "Today's been a good day Wires of congratulations." "Some of those wires of congratulations Ernie." "But you know, in two hours from now we go into a rehearsal of a show that we're going to do two weeks from today." "You know how they do it, Ernie?" "They give you $1,000 a week." "And they keep on giving you $1,000 a week until that's what you need to live on." "And then, after that, you live every day, and you're afraid they'll take it away from you." "Well it's all very scientific." "It's based on the psychological fact that man is a grubbing, hungry little flea that adapts like a chameleon." "So in 24 hours you can develop a taste for caviar, and in 48 hours fish eggs are no longer a luxury-- they're a necessity." "Eddie." "I'll walk out with you." "I've got to get to a phone." "Call my wife in New York City." "Yeah." "Bring me-- bring me my check, will you please." "And bring Mr. Panders a phone." "Certainly, sir." "Right away." "You see, those Bloody Marys in here are $1.10, and the coffee that you had is 50 cents a cup." "Oh you just let them bring that old telephone to you, eh?" "Yes." "Hello." "Yes, yes." "Long distance." "New York City." "Person-to-person." "Mrs. Ernest Pandish." "Maryhill 4, 5099." "No the phone isn't listed in her name-- it's in another apartment." "But they'll call her." "Yeah, thank you." "Coffee, Max?" "Ernie?" "What happened to lunch?" "Well, Max." "I want to stay out here a while." "Kirkley was selling, huh?" "Yeah." "And I bought." "[RINGING TELEPHONE]" "Hello?" "Yeah, all right." "That's all right." "Thank you." "Circuits are busy." "Calling Patti?" "Yep." "To tell her to come on out." "To get on the first plane she can" "Ernie, do you want me here with you?" "Very much." "You should have heard him, Max." "He's a very frightened guy." "I know, I figure I do owe him this much." "It's just three scripts, and I do owe him, Max." "This is for him, then." "You're a very discerning guy, Max." "10,000 a script and he guaranteed three." "That's 30 grand." "And I could grab just one screenplay a year" "What's with the grab, Ernie?" "Who's breathing down your neck-- why grab anything?" "Look, they're still going to be making pictures next week and the week after." "Nobody's going to shut down the networks." "I mean, what's this compulsion to run on the street?" "Ernie, give us 48 hours to win the show." "Now doesn't that make sense at all?" "You know something, Max it's a very nice feeling giving a guy" "$10 to get a job of engraving done in three hours." "Very nice feeling." "Now that I've got it, I don't want to lose it." "After all, Max, how much trouble could I get into in 48 hours?" "In 48 hours a man can option off his soul, a good right arm, and his sanity." "You start a pattern, a precedent." "You get hooked on it just as if it was dope." "I told him I'd do three shows." "That's gracious, but it's not legal." "Now you're not tied to anything Ernie." "OK." "I'll be up in my room." "When you talk to Patti, give her my love." "Max." "[RINGING TELEPHONE]" "Max." "Yes." "Yes." "Mr. Pandish?" "He's right here." "They're ready on your call to New York, sir." "Thanks." "Loved your show last night." "Oh, thanks." "Thanks a lot." "Yeah, yeah honey, it's me." "No, everything's fine." "No, there's nothing wrong." "Well, it's just that the plans have changed, that's all." "Well, I've committed myself to do three shows for Eddie Kirkley." "And you'd better get out here right away." "Yes." "Uh-huh." "ANNOUNCER:" "And now a word from our alternate sponsor of Act I-- your gas company." "ANNOUNCER (2):" "Today, more people than ever are doing the laundry with gas." "And here's Julia Reed to show you why." "Hello." "You know, I had no idea wash day could be such a lazy day until I installed my new gas laundry." "Now for the first time I know why modern professional laundrettes prefer gas 30 to 1." "The reason?" "Gas is so much faster and so much more economical." "It's better, too." "For example, the important thing in washing is hot water." "Well, this modern gas water heater automatically makes more hot water as fast as it's used." "And inside an automatic gas dryer, exclusive low-heat, higher-flow action is so gentle, it's completely safe even for the most delicate fabrics." "Clothes dried with gas come out the whitest, fluffiest you've ever seen." "So, for the cleanest, quickest laundering at the lowest cost, your best buy is gas." "Visit your gas company or gas appliance dealer right away." "ANNOUNCER:" "And once again, Barry Sullivan." "After station identification, we shall return to Act II of "The Velvet Alley,"" "written especially for "Playhouse 90" by Rod Serling." "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "ANNOUNCER: "Playhouse 90."" "Act II of "The Velvet Alley."" "[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING]" "Ernie?" "Yeah, honey." "How was rehearsal?" "Oo." "Long." "Any coffee?" "I made some earlier." "How about bed?" "You're dead, Ernie." "So tired." "Bed." "That's a luxury from a bygone era." "I'm up for a cup of coffee." "Any messages?" "Yeah, on top of the typewriter." "Script come from Columbia?" "On top of this pile here." "And they need a treatment from Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer." "Mrs. Phillips brought back your typing." "Few calls from Max, neither important, he says." "Ernie?" "You're going to work here tonight?" "I'm going to try to do the rewrite." "Want the usual trappings?" "The soft music, maybe?" "You anticipate my every wish, honey." "[MUSIC" " TCHAIKOVSKY, "SWAN LAKE"]" "You better go to bed, Patti." "I'll be up most of the night." "Oh, Mr. Leeks telephoned from the accounting firm." "He wants a list of all your deductions from CBS and MGM for the ten months we've been out here, including social security, Federal withholding, California non-residence, motion picture relief fund, state unemployment." "Is that all?" "How about a scene-by-scene breakdown of my love life since 12 years of age?" "Well?" "I'll bite." "What?" ""Swan Lake"?" "I thought I'd broke that." "You did." "You sat on it three months ago!" "I bought you another one today." "LP stereophonic and what have you." "Don't worry!" "Hey!" "There's more." "On your way, Patti, will you shut that thing off?" "The music lover is no more." "Music lover doesn't have the time." "Music lover doesn't even have time to read his own script." "Go to bed, will you Patti?" "I'll get my own coffee." "Sure, sure." "Good night, darling." "[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]" "[CHATTER]" "Hello, dear!" "Here you are, dear." "And now have a little drink on me." "Ernie!" "Ernie!" "Ah!" "Mrs. Pandish." "How nice to see you!" "Well, quite a shindig." "What?" "You mean this?" "Uh, here, here." "How many do we have here?" "How are you, Ernie?" "Mrs. Pandish, how nice to see you." "Nice seeing you Mrs. Kirkley." "How many do we have here?" "Well I think we invited 60, but from the looks of it" "I think we caught some of the overflow from the Colosseum." "Excuse me." "Hey, Ernie, I got someone I want you to meet!" "You look wonderful." "Thank you." "Oh, honey." "I thought you were with Mrs. Kirkley?" "Have you met Miss Brooks?" "Oh." "How do you do?" "Don't you remember Freddie Henderson?" "Yes, of course." "Well, I fell in love with your wife the minute I laid eyes on her!" "[INAUDIBLE]" "No." "I'm afraid not." "I leave that sort of thing up to my husband." "Oh." "Well, you know, they always say that behind every successful man there's a women." "And behind that woman is his wife!" "Ernie, you don't have a drink!" "Hey, come on, now!" "Over here, the focal point of the universe." "That's the bar!" "Oh, sorry darling." "It's all right, honey." "My goodness, what a grip." "Hey, you're looking at a man here who shall never trespass!" "Ernie." "I'm going to the powder room, darling." "I'll be right back." "OK, honey." "We'll be right here." "We'll be right here." "Got everything you need?" "Oh yes." "Thank you, Mrs. Kirkley." "Try Eileen." "My name's Pat." "And how do you like our town, Pat?" "Well, we haven't had enough time to make up our minds yet." "We're still sort of transients even after ten months here." "We're thinking of buying a house." "And my husband has very definite ideas about houses." "I guess he's like all Easterners." "There must be citrus groves and a swimming pool and all the things you can't have in New York." "The two towns are so different." "In New York we had a three-room apartment." "A lovely view of the adjoining building." "And on November the 1st all the streets emptied and everybody checked the furnace and sent angry notes to the landlord." "Not that it makes much difference, my dear, but what you're suffering is a very common malady out here." "It's just travel sickness." "Wives get it while their husbands are moving up, and then while they're moving down." "Peculiar to wives of show business." "Is it curable?" "Like a migraine." "You live with it in pain, but you live with it." "I don't know if it can be cured or not." "There are oddly perverse moments when" "I wish very hard for an old fashion rivalry." "Someone with a good figure and nice legs and a pretty, vapid doll face that men break into a sweat over." "We're not that lucky." "No, we've got a different kind of ride." "We've got weakly television shows, sponsored index ratings, and that little ugly gray look that comes over your husband's face every now and then that comes from too much competing for too many years." "You don't wipe off that look with an embrace or with love or with anything else." "So what do we do about this-- this rival of ours, Pat?" "When we sue for divorce, what do we call the correspondent in the case?" "An industry or what?" "[INAUDIBLE] I mean." "[INAUDIBLE] new to it." "And we have competitions for." "Oh." "To each his own." "I close my eyes and I make believe it's 15 years ago, and that Edward Kirkley is a bright young man who has an occasional before-dinner cocktail." "You'll forgive me, Eileen." "You'll forgive me because I try to be terribly kind." "It's a rotten way to live." "How right you are, my dear." "Going to bed, Ernie?" "You tired?" "I'll get into town tomorrow." "Still the same." "I don't think it'll be much of a job." "You got a little frantic tonight, didn't you Patti?" "I got a little lonely." "Not to mention a little bored." "You looked it." "I meant to." "Don't you ever get sick to death of show business gossip?" "Ernie, we can make a record of the whole conversation of one party." "We could sit home for the rest of our lives and play it instead of going out." "The most tasteless dialog in the world." "That's show-biz." "Is it?" "That fat little man who kept telling dirty stories, and you kept saying-- you kept saying he was the greatest." "I hate that line, Ernie." ""He was the greatest."" "I've got a picture of a dirty alley outside of a burlesque house." "I'm sorry, Patti." "I can't change the social strata out here." "You never had to run with a pack before, Ernie." "We picked our own friends." "We picked nobody and nothing-- we took what came." "We didn't have the privilege of choice, Patti." "And do we now?" "Well, you finally got a tongue, huh?" "You want to know why I'm so tired of Hollywood parties?" "Yes." "Go ahead and tell me." "I can't contribute gossip, I don't have any small talk in my repertoire, I just have one abiding interest in my life, and that's Ernest Pandish." "And suddenly this Ernest Pandish begins to change." "Not a change for the better, Ernie." "Suddenly becoming very rich, very famous, he's got an accountant, he's got a lady who does his typing." "But he doesn't like music anymore." "Won't listen to a ball game." "Used to hate being alone." "Erenst Pandish is not a very happy man, Ernie." "Maybe you can compensate for it by going from one dinner party to another, but his wife can't." "I can't be all things to all occasions Ernie, so you've got to make a choice." "I can't be a nodding, grinning, perpetually smiling little doll, and at the same time a conversation from Bryn Mawr" " I can't be both." "So far I haven't seen you be either." "But I'll tell you what I don't want you to be." "I don't want you to be a housewife in the cheap-rent district." "I don't want to be a dowdy, dumb, perpetually unhappy little schoolgirl." "That's embarrassing, Pat!" "You've got brains, and looks, and you've got guts, too." "So the next time we go to a party, don't make me herd you into a room like a little schoolgirl who wants nothing out of life but one long weekend at Disneyland." "Observation, Ernie!" "This whole town, from the city limits to Mr. Kirkley's living room-- it's all Disneyland!" "ACCOUNTANT:" "It's been operative for a long time." "But we give it a new wrinkle." "We present it with absolutely no frills." "We announce a the corporation is set up, is in the nature of a personal holding company." "We sort of-- sense that" "ACCOUNTANT (2):" "Now the way it's set up-- the corporation receives all money." "In turn, it pays you a percentage as an employee of the company." "Now that, I believe, is the lay of the land, Ernie." "From a tax point of view, it's fundamentally an extremely good idea." "What does the law have to say?" "Well, a personal holding company isn't brand new, Ernie." "It's a concept operative for a long, long time, and you only run into tax problems with this when you try to skirt the issue." "When you-- how shall I say it?" "Briefly!" "Try that." "I think we've kind of had it, fellows." "Why don't we pick it up tomorrow?" "Well, frankly, I don't think we should delay any longer." "He's a cinch to get a tax audit." "I think we should start preparing right away." "Uh, not that you people care, but I've spent a whole afternoon on this gut without writing a word." "Unless we get something figured out, you won't have to worry about taxes, because there won't be any income, because I won't be supplying any product!" "[RINGING TELEPHONE]" "Hello." "No, this is Mr. Panders's agent." "Put him on, will you?" "Hello, Dave." "Max." "Yeah, he got it all right-- he's reading it right now." "What about the treatment 20th?" "Tenth in line in that pile over there." "He's reading it right this minute, David." "Have an answer for you after the weekend." "I know, but he's been awfully busy." "Yeah, he's in the middle of a rewrite of a television show." "You have my word, David." "Bye." "Bye-bye." "Dave Harrison." "Yeah, I know, I know." "He wants an answer, and Metro wants an answer, and Eddie Kirkley wants a rewrite, and these gentlemen here want to reconstruct my whole life." "Well, Ernie, we're working for you." "All we want" "All I want is to be left alone!" "Protracted 20 minutes or so so I can write some dialogue without interruptions, without phone calls, without offers and counteroffers and negotiations and a lot of other garbage that keeps me from doing the one thing I can do, and that's write!" "Now do me a favor, will you gentlemen?" "Get lost!" "Get out of here!" "Leave me alone!" "Fellas, he's overtired, he's very upset, he'll talk to you tomorrow." "Well, we're used to it." "Creative people are like that." "Say, Max, you want to know how I would handle him?" "No, yes, you must tell me sometime." "Oh." "Beautiful lady." "Break open a bottle for me will you?" "We're all very tired." "Incidentally, I love your house." "And I hear all the furniture is ordered." "Yeah." "On the way." "All 86 tons." "What are you having?" "Hmm." "Bourbon on the rocks." "Plush." "Should be." "Make me one, too, Patti." "That's quite a pond there, Ernie!" "Got any idea how much it costs to heat that thing, Max?" "Or the house?" "I can guess." "Or with the mortgages?" "Or what a gardener gets for coming in here three times a week?" "Ernie, look." "In some vague, unexplainable way these things get taken care of." "PATTI:" "Come and get it." "Oh, well it's been a while." "I seem to disremember all the appropriate toasts." "How about it, Ernie?" "You're the language expert." "I defer to my wife." "You'll find her quite capable." "How about this for a toast?" "The occupational ailment of Hollywood" "California association." "Let's drink to keeping up with the Joneses of the dead run." "I knew you could rise to the occasion." "When are you having them down, Ernie." "[INAUDIBLE] fine." "I wanted them to come out here." "[TELEPHONE RINGING]" "[TELEPHONE RINGING]" "[TELEPHONE RINGING]" "Ernie." "Will you get that?" "[TELEPHONE RINGING]" "He's a fine man." "[TELEPHONE RINGING]" "So." "Who'd have thought we'd ever have a heated and filtered swimming pool and a house that cost $88,000, and $20,000 more to furnish it?" "I'm impressed." "Are you, Max?" "Are you impressed?" "All right, Patti." "Get it out." "You know, Max." "If anybody knows, you know." "You figured out what was going to happen." "So he stayed out here." "Can't help it, Max." "I can't help it." "Fact is" "Patti." "Jeffrey wants us to pick them up." "We'd better get dressed-- we'll be late." "Oh, is it tonight, Ernie?" "I seem to have forgotten." "Eddie's house." "[INAUDIBLE] offering." "We don't have to stay late." "We don't have to, but we generally do." "Well, I think it's important that we go." "I wouldn't ask you to go if I didn't think so." "Johnny Haddicks is going to be there." "He's an important producer, and I think it could be, well, valuable for us." "Benefactoring would be valuable for us." "God, Ernie, but I'm so sick of valuable dinner parties!" "Something to say, Max?" "Lots to think about though, huh?" "What is that?" "A misdemeanor?" "I wanted Patti to like it when she got out here." "Is it my fault she doesn't like it?" "That wasn't rhetorical, Max." "Well, have you any suggestions?" "Give it a thought, Ernie." "You've got a whole lot more to occupy your time than she does." "It's a lot easier for you to make the transition." "Every once in a while, why don't you just stop dead, look back, wait for her to catch up?" "What imagery." "You should have been a writer, Max." "I'm happy with what I'm doing." "And why shouldn't you be?" "You deposit my checks, subtract 10%." "Nothing very horrendous about that kind of a job, is there?" "Ernie." "Ernie, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt." "I'll make an assumption that that remark came out of an unproductive bum afternoon, and it wasn't meant." "Because I think you know I'm not a charity case, Ernie." "I work for whatever I get paid." "Well you won't grant me those." "The reason you're paid is because I'm at a typewriter 11 hours a day, or a rehearsal, or a script conference, or a meeting." "It's what comes out of my head that keeps you on groceries, now doesn't it Max?" "Well, I didn't know you required a testimonial, Ernie" "I'm not asking for a testimonial!" "I'm asking for an acknowledgement!" "It's what comes out of here that keeps you alive, now, doesn't it, Max?" "Keeps the lawyer alive, the accountant alive, the secretary alive?" "Isn't that a fact, Max?" "I'm getting tired, that's all." "I don't have spigot attached to my soul, where you turn the faucet on and the stuff pours down!" "It doesn't work that way." "This stuff generates in there." "It gets sweated out, bled out." "Why shouldn't I have a house and a swimming pool and a gardener three times a week and a maid?" "I worked for it!" "I sweat for it!" "You didn't hear me knocking this, now did you Ernie?" "Just one thought." "Think about going back to New York." "You've not chained out here, you know." "Go back to New York?" "Yeah." "That's your advice, eh?" "Max, if I didn't know you better," "I'd swear you were feeble-minded." "Just simple involvements, huh?" "I'm not chained out here." "Just drain the pool, tear up the mortgage, fire the gardener, and tell the network and two major studios to go take a flying dip in the moon!" "Is this what you call agencing, Max?" "I'm not talking as an agent." "I'm talking as a worried friend." "It's either that or losing your wife." "Ernie, I'm" " Look." "Ernie." "Why are you so afraid to go back to New York?" "I am not afraid!" "You're more than afraid!" "You've got a phobia about it!" "Now what is it, Ernie?" "Don't want to lose what?" "You don't want to lose the house?" "You don't want to lose the living room with a bar and swimming pool?" "There are houses in New York [INAUDIBLE] and there's always [INAUDIBLE]" "Identity Max." "Identity." "A first name, and a last name." "Something I never had before." "I worked 42 years to get it." "I don't want to be forgotten." "Values." "All kinds of values." "And they change with the seasons, don't they?" "A man goes from wanting three meals and a place to sack down to a desperate yearning for immortality." "You've gone a long way, Ernie." "Well, I'll handle the 20th thing and the Metro thing and I'll get Kirkley to get you a delay on the rewrite." "Oh, Ern." "I forgot to tell you." "I redecorated my office." "It's a beautiful chopped liver gray." "You must come and see it." "I call it "The House Ernie Built."" "Patti!" "Leaving now?" "Yes, dear." "Have a beautiful time." "Bye." "[CHATTER]" "You know what I mean?" "You gotta milk it, huh?" "Will you excuse me while I get a young lady a drink?" "Come on." "Freddie, listen, I'm not one to talk, but is everything working out all right?" "Everything is coming along just fine." "Everything is fine?" "Hello, Ernie." "We've covered the area of career planning." "Our whole approach with our writers." "Our important writers, that is." "Go ahead Mr. Diedrich." "It's Harvey, Ernie!" "Harvey, Sammy, Phil, and little old Freddie!" "Mm." "I'm full up to here." "Help me out there, Ernie." "You see, Ernie, we don't play around with small potatoes." "We deal with big people Big careers, big deals." "Take yourself." "You've only scratched the surface." "You've just started." "Two years from now you should be the best-paid screenwriter in Hollywood-- and the most important That's the way we do business." "That's the only way we do business." "I have an agent already." "I I happen to owe him a great deal." "Freddie, I like this boy!" "I think all of us could take a lesson from what we've just been witnessing." "A lesson in loyalty!" "And Ernie, if there's one thing in the whole world that I admire, respect and revere, it's loyalty." "This is a combination of talent and character that's absolutely rare." "How about it, Ernie?" "We could settle up the whole thing right here." "I don't know." "You're tired, Ernie." "You're tried because you're not being managed." "You're not being taken care of." "You're being forced to make decisions that by right your representative should make for you." "Well, now wait a minute." "I haven't done so bad so far." "Got a new house, new car, swimming pool," "Ha ha ha!" "Ernie." "Ernie, in two or three year's time you'll be giving all that to your help as a Christmas present In this town, Ernie, in this town you're either a giant or a midget." "Where you are now-- you're in neither." "You're in limbo, Ernie boy." "You know what a giant makes, Ernie?" "A quarter of a million dollars a year." "Not 40, or 50, not 60 or 70 like you." "He starts at a quarter of a million." "Ernie." "We want to make a giant of you." "OK." "That makes sense." "I think a bottle of champagne would be in order here, and a public announcement." "No, no, no!" "No public announcement!" "Whatever you say, Ernie." "Now gentleman, I think we'd better get back to our wives." "Congratulations!" "Sure he's going to get off track with Salter?" "Mr." "Diedrich, This boy's been my number one project for a year." "I know more about him than he does himself." "He has no written contract at all with anybody." "He's just waiting there on the griddle just waiting for us to scoop him up with a spatula." "Lovely work, Freddie." "Just lovely." "Good planning." "Got a cigarette, honey?" "Are you tired?" "Do you wanna go home?" "I will be after you tell me what went on, Ernie." "In here?" "Yes, honey." "In here." "Well, I decided to sign with the Chambers Agency." "They're going to represent me." "Wait a minute!" "I don't want a scene-- understand?" "This is no scene I assure you!" "Then grow up, will ya?" "Face things!" "For example, face the fact that tonight I got represented!" "You didn't get represented tonight, Ernie!" "You got raped!" "ANNOUNCER:" "And once again, Barry Sullivan." "After station identification, we shall return to Act III of "Playhouse 90," tonight presenting "The Velvet Alley," written by Rod Serling and starring Art Carney, Leslie Nielsen, Katharine Bard, Jack" "Klugman, Bonita Granville, George" "Voskovec, and Alexander Scourby." "ANNOUNCER: "Playhouse 90." Act III of "The Velvet Alley."" "OK, let's go." "Mr." "Sterling, are you feeling any better now?" "You sound like a [INAUDIBLE]" "Well can I get you a cup of coffee of something?" "Why don't you go back to bed?" "I know." "Brush me off." "Isn't a wife supposed to help her husband?" "I don't mean to sound like that." "I just don't like to bring the office into my home." "I want to stand on my own two feet." "And I don't like to hear cliches either, you know that?" "[INAUDIBLE]" "How's it going?" "Fine, Max." " Fine." "I got a message you wanted to talk to me." "Later, huh?" " After rehearsals." "Maximilian!" " How's my youth?" "Gary!" "Don't overwork my client!" "All right!" "All agents out!" "Mm!" "Hello, Freddie!" "Oh, hello Gloria baby!" "Ern, how do ya?" "Fine." "Fine, Freddie, just fine." "Harvey wanted to know if we could have lunch-- begin some preliminary talks." "Quiet, will you Freddie?" "We're in the middle of this." "Freddie, Freddie, those preliminaries you're talking about." "They'd better be about "The Golden Gloves."" "Unravel the flesh, will you, Max?" "I presume you've been told." "Told what?" "Told what, Ernie?" "Look I'm going to have to clear this whole" " Look, I mean it!" "Tell you later, huh Max?" "No." "Let's talk about it right now!" "All right." "Listen." "I wasn't kidding." "Now I asked you" " Let's take 10 huh?" "But Jerry, we've got to go through this scene!" "That's all right." "We'll pick it up later." "OK, everybody, you're on 10, so relax." "Look, it's not my business, but if this is anything personal, don't you think we should take it outside?" "I mean, let's not broadcast this one all over, huh?" "I'm waiting for an answer, Ernie." "Max, they're in the middle of a show." "Will you let him tell me now?" "Let's go out in the hall, Max." "No." "Let's talk about it right here and now." "Max, I've been intending to talk to you about this." "I've decided to sign with the Chambers Agency." "Why, Ernie?" "A lot of reasons, Max." "So he can get representation." "So he can be managed." "So he can be free to get his work" "Look I'm going to give it to you once more, Freddie." "Now this is business between Ernie and me." "I can't stop you from standing around and relishing it, but I can ask you to keep your mouth shut!" "Max, this is no time to talk about it." "Let's go have a drink." "No." "I don't want a drink with you." "That's not in my contract." "Max, there never was a contract." "It was just an agreement." "Would last as long as it was, well, mutually beneficial." "It isn't any longer." "And sometime between dinner time last night and this morning, it ceased to be mutually beneficial, huh?" "Well, it's been headed this way for a long time." " I think you know it." "I think you know I never knew it." "Ernie, there's one thing you're going to have to learn." "You are the one person in the whole world" "I thought knew it already." "You can slough off people like they're a tax problem." "Oh sure, things like a desk, an office lamp, a typewriter-- they become obsolete." "Not people, Ernie." "Oh, you're a big man, now." "You can afford to delegate almost every unpleasant, inconvenient little act that you want to." "But hurting friends, Ernie-- this you can't delegate." "This has to be a very personal project." "So don't stink up the air with a lot of plaintive coil about how miserable it is to be successful." "Buddy, buddy, you don't know the meaning of misery." "Not till you've been sold out by the people you love." "I didn't want to hurt you Max." "You didn't want to hurt" " That's the comedy line of the year." "Max!" "Max." "I hoped there'd be no hard feelings." "I'd like us all to be friends." "Anybody ever tell you you're a prince of a guy?" "[SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYING]" "Ernie?" "Any messages?" "Just one." "From me to you." "I'd like to know if you were able to leave at least one or two pieces of your conscience at the bar?" "How about it, Ernie?" "Were you able to get drunk enough to forget what you did?" "Please, Patti." "I'm" " I feel sick, and I'm tired." "And you're in the right war." "That's the way we all are in here." "I talked to Max on the phone." "I didn't want Max to find out that way." "When he left that studio-- when he left that room-- he looked a hundred years old." "Not that it makes any difference, but that's the way I felt too." "And that's all, Ernie." "That's all." "I think you got off pretty cheap at that, don't you?" "Maybe." "I don't know." "I just wish I could understand why everything seems to converge on me." "Everything-- money, taxes office people-- everything-- everybody and his brother on my back like a hump." "Patti, a year ago I wouldn't have done a thing like this to Max." "I wouldn't have done a thing like this to anybody." "You did do it!" "Did I have a choice, Patti?" "Is that it?" "I had a choice!" "Stop it!" "I'm leaving you, Ernie." "Not just because you sold out a friend-- a good friend." "It was a lot deeper than that." "No, Ernie, I'm leaving you because I got elbowed out." "The same Ernie whose success made it crowded a long time ago." "Long time ago, when you were a very poor and, I suppose, an unsuccessful man, you said to me once, the only way you can measure an artist's life is by what he leaves behind." "You said he could leave monuments or ruins." "I've got nothing out of this place but grief, aches, and some tears." "So in my book, Ernie, this is no monument!" "What do you call a monument, Pat?" "Cheap rent?" "Is there something wholesome about not being able to pay for a broken antique portable?" "Is there something honorable about our miserable little apartment?" "Listen, cheap rent-- that's the easy stuff!" "That you can live with or do without or do anything you want with." "What does Poppy require besides a can opener?" "This is what's tough, Pat!" "This!" "This is what you have to fight!" "This is what takes guts and [INAUDIBLE] insanity!" "Insanity, Pat!" "Ernie, listen!" "You have to listen!" "Listen to me!" "I'm a sick, scared, insecure man." "I need you more desperately than I've ever needed you before." "I can't live with what I've got." "And I can't go back to what I had." "Unless you're around to hold onto, I'm going to sink, Patti." "I'm going to drown." "Please don't leave me." "Please." "Your [INAUDIBLE] It's almost unbelievable." "Almost a year." "It's the first tender thing you said to me." "First gentle word." "I think" " I think it's the first honest one, too." "I've been excusing myself, Ernie." "I never failed you." "I never failed you, Ernie." "Your success, that's what I failed." "I failed your success." "That's what I couldn't live with." "Just remember this, Ernie." "You couldn't live with it either." "[DOOR BELL]" "Telegram for you." "Patti." "Seems I-- been nominated for an Emmy." "Best television play." "Congratulations, Ernie." "Now our cup runneth over." "And now, ladies and gentleman!" "A telegram from none other than the president-- of the network!" "PARTY GOER:" "Hey hey hey!" "Hear hear!" "Mr." "Ernest Pandish!" "May I offer you the congratulations of the entire network on your superb accomplishments!" "Signed, Mr. Staffard D. Grayler, President, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!" "Make my husband a high regal!" "Uh, congratulations, dear Ernie." "And may you add two or three more to that collection of statues." "You're the one guy who can do it." "Signed, Mr. Eddie Kirkley, Producer, "Premiere Playhouse."" "How do you feel, baby?" "How's the baby feel?" "And here is a telegram from" "My dear old Poulier, you're much too intoxicated obviously to read it!" "So I shall read it aloud for the benefit of our client, Mr. Ernest Pandish!" "Now hear this, everybody-- this telegram is from" "Maybe I'd better read this one myself." "Mr. Max Salter died of coronary thrombosis at 4:30 this afternoon." "We were unable to reach you." "Dr. Allen Langton." "Ernie we're-- we're desperately sorry." "What can we do, Ernie?" "Just tell us." "Get out of here." "All of you." "(SHOUTING) All of you!" "[MUSIC PLAYING]" "[SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC]" "Hello, Pop." "Left the coast last night." "Miserable trip." "I was grounded twice." "Just got in about an hour ago." "We seen you on television last night." "Lots of excitement here, Ernie." "Everybody in the building was watching." "How do you feel?" "All dressed up." "Oh." "I forgot." "I never even changed." "I don't even think I ever seen you in a tuxedo before." "How's things look to you?" "The same?" "You don't write me none." "You might as well be dead or something, Ernie." "Well, I've been pretty busy, Pop." "I hear from Patti every now and then." "I got a letter from her right here." "How is she?" "She's good." "She's very well She's at her sister's place in Chicago." "She says that you both signed the divorce papers, Ernie." "You like living alone, Ernie?" "You're not lonely?" "Well, I'm too busy to be lonely, Pop." "I've" " I've got quite a schedule." "But for this schedule, you are well paid, Ernie, aren't you?" "Well, I guess you could call it well paid, Pop." "The government takes most of it." "I see." "Government takes most-- they don't leave you much, huh, Ernie?" "Well, I suppose I still walk away with 30, 35 grand." "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Pop." "That's why I came back." "Oh, go on Ernie." "I'd like to have you come out and live with me out on the coast." "I've got a great big house, Pop." "Got a swimming pool, a maid, and a cleaning woman." "It's crazy for you to work anymore, Pop." "There's enough there for both of us." "But that wasn't enough for your wife." "I tried, Pop." "You tried, sure you tried." "Tried to make money, to get your name in the papers, to wear fancy clothes." "But for your wife, Ernie, did you try to help her?" "Did you give her love and attention in a strange place?" "Or were you too busy trying to figure out how a man can live on $30,000 a year?" "I should open the windows, you know." "I should open the windows so everyone can hear the troubles my son's got." "My poor son!" "My poverty-stricken son!" "Only 30,000 a year in just one big house with just one pool!" "Not from you, Pop." "I don't want it from you." "All right." "All right, Ernie." "Nothing more from me." "Max Salter died yesterday." "I read it in the paper." "Pat says that you didn't have any dealings with him no more." "No." "We didn't have any more dealings." "He was a good man." "He was a fine man." "And such a good friend." "You've got any now, Ernie?" "Friends?" "Who loves you now, Ernie?" "Who loves Ernie Pandish?" "Who cares about him?" "I don't care about him." "No." "I don't care about him." "A man who throws away his wife." "I don't care about this man." "Go on, Ernie." "Go away." "Go back to the big house and the swimming pool." "Go back!" "Pop." "I don't think I'll be back for a long while." "That's as it should be." "Pop?" "Would you kiss me goodbye?" "[GROAN]" "That was for your wife, who had too much gentleness to do it." "And that was for Max Salter, who is in the grave, and he was too decent to do it." "And that was from me, for the father who lost a son." "He had too much love to do it." "You stay here, Pop." "You stay in this place." "Because you were built for it." "You're good for it." "It's good for you!" "But for me, Pop, it's not good enough!" "Ernie?" "Goodbye, Ernie." "Yeah, Pop!" "Goodbye!" "Hey, Ernie!" "We seen you on television!" "Hey Melvin!" "Melvin Kaslowski!" "What's it feel like to be famous?" "The greatest moment [INAUDIBLE] I got a great big house-- bigger than this whole apartment building." "And I got a swimming pool, Melvin!" "You ought to see the swimming pool!" "And I'll bet I've got fifty suits!" "And you could fill that apartment up there with just my sports shirts!" "I got about 20 pairs of shoes, Melvin!" "Remember when I used to buy your old man's" "[INAUDIBLE] The greatest moment-- all around the pool I've got an orange tree." "You can pick them right off the branches, Melvin." "You can just take a morning dip in the pool, pick the oranges right off the branches!" "And the greatest-- it's just the greatest!" "It's just the greatest thing!" "[THEME MUSIC]" "ANNOUNCER:" "And once again, Barry Sullivan to tell you about next week's "Playhouse 90."" "One week from tonight, "Playhouse 90"" "takes pride in presenting "A Quiet Game of Cards,"" "written especially for this program by Reginald Rose, who will be remembered for" ""Tragedy in a Temporary Town" and "12 Angry Men,"" "and other distinguished and celebrated television plays." "Starring with me in a brilliant cast are Franchot Tone, Gary Merrill, EG Marshall, Irene Hervey, and guest star William Bendix." "And here is a brief preview of next week's exciting play." "CARD PLAYER (1) (VOICEOVER):" "This friendly game of cards has been going on every Tuesday night for the past 24 years." "That's a long time." "Sometimes, peculiar things happen when men such as these begin to become, well, perhaps a little bit bored." "CARD PLAYER (2) (VOICEOVER):" "I wonder how it would read in the newspapers?" "Bank President admits-- all right" "I find I've finally got a pair wired." "I ought to raise." "It's only $0.50." "Why are my hands shaking so?" "CARD PLAYER (3) (VOICEOVER):" "My bet." "I can't concentrate on this game." "My cold, legal mind ought to be able to separate a simple poker game from-- but it can't." "I hope we're right." "I hope we're right." "There's so much riding on it." "CARD PLAYER (4) (VOICEOVER):" "This one is my pot." "How much can be in there?" "Six bucks, maybe." "Isn't that something?" "And I'm sitting here ready to risk everything I've got for our insane little plan." "But I mean everything." "In exchange for these gorgeous palpitations." "CARD PLAYER (5) (VOICEOVER):" "I've got to be able to understand the elements that triggered this thing." "I can't believe it simply because the game has slowed down." "There must be something else." "There must be." "That's not enough reason for the creation of an idea which can destroy" "CARD PLAYER (1) (VOICEOVER):" "I feel like Satan among them." "But they ask for it." "And it's going to happen." "That's the most incredible thing of all." "It's going to happen." "[END TITLES MUSIC]"