" I'm goin' down to South Park" "Gonna have myself a time" " Friendly faces everywhere" "Humble folks without temptation" " I'm goin' down to South Park" "Gonna leave my woes behind" " Ample parking day or night" "People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor"" " Headin' on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind" " [muffled]" " Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine" " [yawns]" " Yes, yes, this whole coming week is the Jewish holiday of Passover!" "Yes, it's all about how Moses led the Hebrews out of Egypt." "Very good!" "So on Friday, all Jewish people will celebrate Passover with a Seder dinner, because God commanded the Jews to only eat bread that hasn't been given yeast to rise." " Wow, that's so cool." "And so then Passover lasts seven days?" " Yes, yes, one week from Seder dinner on Friday to the next Friday." " Interesting." "And why is it called Passover again?" " Well, because in ancient Egypt," "God passed over the houses marked with the blood of a lamb." " So interesting." "Wow." " Get outta here!" " Oh, hey, Kyle." " Get outta here!" " Well, I better be going." "Thanks so much, Ms. Broflovski." "I learned a ton." " Well, you're very welcome." " What are you gonna do?" " Isn't it possible I just wanted to learn more about the Jewish faith?" " No." " All right, Kyle, listen." "[sighs] Legends tell of a horrific four-legged creature from Mexico that sucks the blood of goats, and it might have just been spotted in South Park." " What does that have to do with Passover?" " All I can promise you is that this is going to be the most memorable Passover ever." "Cartman's Passover Holiday Special, starring... [dramatic music]" "The Jewpacabra!" "[tranquil music]" " All right, next please." "Signing up for the Easter egg hunt?" " Ooh da lolly!" "This is gonna be so much fun!" " Yeah, I can't wait for Sunday." " Me too!" " Yeah." "Yeah, should be a real blast." "I just hope Jewpacabra doesn't show up." "That's all." " Jewpa-what?" " Jewpaca- Look, it's nothing." "Forget I said anything." " Okay." "So anyways, are they saying what time the event starts?" " Okay, look, a lot of people claim that on Passover, a blood-sucking creature called the Jewpacabra comes out and preys on children." "This year, Passover happens to be the same week as Easter." " You mean it's like- like a monster?" " It's just a legend, all right?" "But people all over town have started reported strange things." "Knocked over trash cans, weird howls." " Nuh-uh." " Yeah-huh, Token!" "Don't think it won't come after you just 'cause you're black!" " You guys, check this out!" "[dramatic music]" " All right, all right." "Stay back, stay back!" "It definitely looks like a Jewpacabra attack, but it's hard to tell." " [screams]" " All right, guys, we're gonna need some video cameras." "We gotta go out at night and try to get proof of this thing." " All right, all right!" "Knock it off!" "Stop spreading lies!" " I'm trying to protect people!" "And why are you so quick to try and cover up Jewpacabra's existence?" " I looked on the known species web page." "There's no animal called a "Jewpacabra"" "mentioned anywhere." " well, neither is Bigfoot, Kyle, but there are a lot of people who say they've spotted a Sasquatch." " If someone says they saw a Sasquatch, they are either lying, or they are stupid." "Now stop lying about a Jewpacabra before stupid people start believing you!" "[thunder]" " Loo-loo-loo-loo" "N- no such thing as J-Jewpacabra." "People made it up." "[thunder]" "It's-that's okay." "Even if there was a Jewpacabra, it couldn't get in my r-room anyways." " Butters." " [screams]" " Come on, Butters, you and me are gonna try to catch Jewpacabra on camera." " No, it's a school night!" " Butters, do you know how many times Jewpacabra has been shot on video?" "Zero!" " [stammering]" " I can't do this alone." "Please, help me prove to the rest of the world" "Jewpacabra is real." "[dramatic music]" "Look at these dense trees and brush." "Oh, yeah, this is exactly the kind of forest" "Jewpacabra likes to hide in." " You think Jewpacabra is here?" " I'm pretty sure Jewpacabra was here." " Okay, maybe we scared it off." " You can't scare a Jewpacabra, Butters." "Don't forget we're dealing with a creature that drinks blood, hides in the night, and has absolutely no belief in the divinity of Christ." "[rustling] Did you hear that?" "I'm gonna try a Jewpacabra mating call now." "No Christ!" "No Christ!" "I'm really not buying this whole Christ thing!" "He's here somewhere." " Oh, God, I'm scared." " Jesus is a lie!" " Eric, stop it!" " Shh!" "Help me call it out, Butters." " I'm not saying Jesus is a lie." " Butters, do you wanna catch Jewpacabra on camera or not?" "There is no Christ!" " Jesus is a lie!" " No way Jesus was Son of God, huh, Butters?" " Nope." "I don't think Christ has any basis in reality!" "[rustling]" " Shh!" "You hear that?" " Oh, hamburgers." " We started Sooper Foods to give people a place to buy groceries that was fun and safe." "We are not canceling our Easter egg hunt because of some wild story!" " I didn't think you would believe me, and that's why last night, I took it upon myself to go out and try to capture it on video." "What I'm about to show you is the first video ever shot of a Jewpacabra, and you're the first to see it." "This is just after 8:00 P.M." "First we heard rustling in the bushes, then a strange, animaI-like scurrying sound." "That's when we saw this." "Okay, wait for it." "Wait for it." "Wait for it." "Wait for it." "Wait for it." "Right there!" "Did you see the Jewpacabra?" "I know, it's so shocking, it takes a minute for your brain to process what it's seeing." "Watch again." "Wait for it, wait for it." "There!" "Jewpacabra." "There's a Jewpacabra in South Park." "God help us." " That wasn't a dog?" " It was no dog!" "I was there." "I'm telling you, this thing had no idea that Jesus Christ had died for our sins." " What?" " I can try to catch it, but I'm gonna need all the resources you've got." "If this thing isn't contained, your Easter egg hunt is going to be a bloodbath." " Mr. Billings?" " There's two things that separate Sooper Foods from all the other grocery stores-fun and safety." "What do you think, Peters?" "What are the chances that this "Jewpacabra" is real?" " I'm estimating somewhere around" ".000000001%." " [sighs]" "We can't afford to take that chance." "Get this kid whatever he needs." "[dramatic rock music]" " So where are we heading first?" " We need to get to the city of Nassau in the Bahamas." "Here." " The Bahamas?" " That's right." "There's a resort near there called the Atlantis hotel and casino." "They have a water slide there that goes through a shark tank." "Whee!" "Oh, yes!" "Cool!" "Check it out!" "[laughs] [dramatic rock music]" " Where to now?" " Now we head back to Colorado." "Here, we need to get my video of the Jewpacabra into the hands of professionals who can analyze it." " Would you stop scaring everyone with your dumb-ass myth?" " People thoughtAtlantis was a myth, Kyle, but I was just there." "I've explored the depths ofAtlantis, and now I'm about to prove a new species exists." "I'm a little James Cameron." " These people aren't gonna prove anything." "To believe any of this, you either have to be a liar or stupid." " These are professional people who go around tracking Sasquatches, Kyle!" "They aren't liars, and they aren't stupid!" " Look at its trajectory." "It heads directly to the right." " It can't be human." "It's too low to the ground." "What do you think, Bobo?" " Bobo think scary!" " It's definitely something." "I'm thinking a Sasquatch." " It's not big enough to be a Squatch." " So it's a baby Squatch?" " That's what I'm thinking." " I've already done my research, boys." "What you're looking at there is a Jewpacabra." " Jewpacabra?" " It's like a Sasquatch, only more elusive, more ferocious, and a little more greedy." " Oh, Jewpacabra." "That sounds scary!" " But it makes total sense." "If we rule out a human and a baby Sasquatch," "Jewpacabra is all we really have left." " Well, I guess that's it." "You're gonna have to allow only me into the Easter egg hunt, sir." "I'm the only one qualified." " Oh, the kids will be so disappointed." " Whoa, look at this!" "I just did the heaty thermal thingy to the video!" "It's all orangy!" " But it's supposed to be all yellowy." "My God!" "This really is proof of a Jewpacabra!" " Heh." "What do you mean?" " We've never seen this before!" "It really is true!" " Well, I mean, it could have just been a dog." " No, it's impossible." "Look at the zoomy in." "If I drop an image of a dog next to it, that thing is way too big to be a dog." "And check out the thermals coming off of it." " That's the thermals." "They make the proof and the thermals!" " That's right, Bobo." "Whatever this thing is, it's mean and angry as hell." " Well, come on, guys, it's probably a Jewpacabra, but this isn't definitive." " I'll tell you one thing, kid, you're pretty brave." " Why?" " 'Cause you took the video of this thing." "It's not gonna like that." " If it is a Jewpacabra, he's gonna be coming after you." "[dramatic music] [thunder] - [whimpering]" "There's no way." "No way Jewpacabra is real." "[thunder]" "Those- those cryptozoologists don't know what they're talking about." "Theyjust- theyjust gave me a case of the Hebrewjeebies, that's all." "Eh..." "[groans] [dialing phone number] [phone line ringing]" "Hey, uh, Jewpacabra can't be real, right?" "Tell me again why it can't be real?" "I mean, it's impossible that something I made up could turn out to actually exist, huh, Kyle?" " What are you doing?" " Okay, okay, even if there was a Jewpacabra, it wouldn't know I was the one who got video of it, huh?" "How could it know that?" "It couldn't know that, right?" "Kyle?" "[phone beeps]" "[Michael Sembello's Maniac ringtone] [clatter]" "[dramatic choral music]" " Jesus loves me, this I know" "'Cause Republicans tell me so" "Little ones God will protect" "'Cause letting kids be harmed is child neglect" "Everything still clear out there?" "Guys?" " It's all quiet out front, Eric." " Well, check everywhere!" "I'm not paying you guys each 20 bucks to scratch your buttholes!" " He said he's not payin' us to scratch our buttholes." "[clatter] [all gasp] [all scream]" " What?" "What was that?" "Butters?" "Token?" "[door rattling]" "Oh, Jesus Christ!" "You guys?" "[rattling] [pounding]" "Aah!" "You guys?" "Guys!" " Hey, Eric." " It's trying to get in!" "Where the hell are you guys?" " Well, we got scared, so we're next door at Wingstreet." " Wingstreet?" " Yeah, well, it was the closest place to hide." " Dude, I want wings!" "[pounding on door] [screams]" "Oh, Jesus." "It's only you!" " All right, grab him." " Huh?" " You say the Jewpacabra hunts for anything Easter, and now it's looking for you." " [struggling]" "Get me outta here!" "Please!" "Help!" " Look, we're sorry, but if it's you the Jewpacabra wants, we don't have a choice." " Oh, God!" "It's gonna kill me!" "What the" " Just a little blood to try and draw it out." "We just can't risk the creature showing up tomorrow." "Our entire business is based on fun and safety." " This isn't safe or fun!" " Maybe it won't even show up." "Maybe we'll all make it out of this okay." "[animal howls]" "Oh, fuck, we better get out of here." " No!" "Come back!" "Come back, please!" "This isn't right!" "[doorbell rings]" " Hello, young man." "Let me start off by saying Sooper Foods is absolutely not an anti-Semitic company." "But if your people do have a monster creature that feeds on Easter children, we just wanted to let you know that there's a sacrifice for it in the park that is totally fun and safe to eat." "Thank you." "[thunder]" " [crying]" "Kyle!" "Hey, Kyle!" "I know what you're thinking, Kyle." "That, like, this is some kind of fitting comeuppance." " Admit you're lying, and I'll let you go." " Oh, of course, I was lying, Kyle." "There's no Jewpacabra." "Now, please, Kyle, it's Easter Eve, and if Jewpacabra smells this blood," "I am in a heeb of trouble!" "No, Kyle!" "No, wait!" "I'm sorry!" "I couldn't help it!" "Kyle?" "Please!" "I'll give you money!" "I have lots of money!" "Oh, God, what am I doing?" "I mean-I mean, I don't have any money!" "I'm totally broke!" "Oh, God, I am in a heeb of trouble." "[animal howls]" "It's so cool that even though I'm Christian," "I celebrate Passover too!" "Yep." "I think both holidays are awesome." " [heavy breathing]" " I really sympathize with those Jews in ancient Egypt!" "I really do!" " [heavy breathing]" " What do you think, Bobo?" " No doubt about it!" "It's a 3-foot-tall Bunnyman!" " I told you!" "Bunny people must be a throwback to paleolithardic times!" "Shoot it, Bobo!" " Bobo, shoot it!" " Bobo?" "Bobo, no!" "Ah!" "Wha- [groans]" " Bobo got it!" "Bobo got the Bunnyman!" " Good shot, Bobo!" " Now what do we do?" " I know!" "Let's go get a show about it on Animal Planet!" " Good idea." "Wait, wait, wait, wait." "We're gonna need to take the evidence." " All right." "I got the evidence right here." "The dart gun I shot the Bunnyman with!" " All right!" " Come on, let's go." " [groans]" "Wha- Wh" "Ugh." "Uh, what?" "[people screaming]" "What's going on?" " The plagues!" "The plagues are upon us!" "Run!" "[frogs croaking] [people screaming]" " It's raining frogs!" "Kyle!" "Kyle, my Hebrew friend!" "Did you see that it's raining frogs?" " Yes, it's because the Pharaoh won't give the Hebrews what we want!" "God is angry." " So God makes it rain frogs?" "Thatjust seems kind of mean to frogs, Kyle." " That's how God is!" "And if Pharaoh doesn't give us what we want, next he's gonna kill all Egyptian firstborn boys!" " What?" "Okay, look, I'll talk to the Pharaoh and see if he'll change his mind." " It doesn't matter, because God is going to harden Pharaoh's heart!" " What does that mean?" " It means Jehovah is going to use his powers to keep the Pharaoh from letting us go!" " Well, that doesn't seem very fair, Kyle." "I mean, if God is going to make Pharaoh say no, then why would he punish him for saying no?" " That's just how God is." " You're wrong, Kyle!" "God is not a dick!" "[thunder] [frogs croaking]" " Dad, when's it gonna stop raining frogs?" " It'll be okay, my son." "The weather will clear." " But my friend Kyle, he says that the reason we've had all these plagues and stuff is 'cause you won't let all the Jews leave." " [sighs] It's a complicated political issue, my son." "An economic social issue that needs time." "We can't let them leave, but is it really all that different from when the North didn't let the confederate states leave the USA?" " Wow, that makes sense." "Don't think anyone can deny that." " Poor frogs." "I feel so badly for them." " But, Dad, my friend Kyle says that if we don't do whatever the Hebrews want us to do," "God is gonna kill little Egyptian boys." " Oh, I don't think God would do such a thing, little one." "No matter what happens, we can't let ourselves believe in the Hebrew version of God." "We believe in a just Lord who would never murder innocent children." " I love you, Dad." " And I love you, Son." "And our love grows." " And our love grows both:" "And our love grows" "Like the mighty river of the Nile" " River of the Nile" " See it flow" " It flow both:" "We'll never be apart" " Have no fear, for God is near" "And God loves all his children [lamb bleats]" "Huh?" "No!" "Kyle, why?" "What are you doing?" " This is what God told us to do!" " No, Kyle!" "I don't believe you!" " You'll see!" "[lambs bleating]" " No!" " What's happening to us?" "[retches]" " [retches]" " No!" " Mom!" "Don't let God kill me!" " [screams and cries]" " No!" "No!" " Care for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" " No!" "The bread's all flat!" "No!" "No!" " Aah!" " Son, we were wrong!" "I was wrong!" " We were wrong!" "I'm sorry, God!" "I'll be Jewish, I promise!" "Please don't kill me!" "Don't kill me!" "No!" " [crying]" " No!" "No!" "The bread is all flat!" "No!" "[tranquil music]" " [sighs]" " [weakly] No!" "No!" "[cheers and applause]" " There are two things people think about when they are grocery shopping- fun and safety." "On this beautiful Easter morning, we are thrilled to give back to the people of South Park, who, for the third year in a row, have made our grocery store number four in fun and number six in safety." "Let the hunt begin!" "[overlapping chatter]" " Aah!" " [grunts]" " [chuckles]" " I'm alive!" "[panting] I'm alive, you guys!" "I don't know how, but I'm alive!" "Can you believe it?" "It's a miracle!" "Listen, everybody, last night I almost died, but then a Passover miracle happened." "The Jewpacabra passed me over, and by the power of Jehovah," "I somehow woke up safely in my bed." "I learned a big lesson." "It's wrong, guys." "Christ didn't die for our sins, and God is angry." "It's time for us all to stop this Easter ridiculousness, accept Jehovah as our God, and deny Christ." " Aw, stop tryin' to ruin Easter, you-you heathen!" " Yeah!" " That's right!" " Get outta here!" " No, you guys." "Listen!" "[overlapping chatter] [sighs]" "I finally know how you feel, Kyle, knowing your religion is right but being laughed at by everyone else." "It's so hard for us Jews." "But I guess we just have to let stupid people believe what they're gonna believe." " Yeah." " I know what you're thinking, Kyle, but I really do believe in Judaism now." "I'm not lying." " I know you're not." " Cool." "Thanks, Kyle." "Oh, and Kyle, happy Passover." " Happy Passover, Cartman." "[cheerful music]"