"♫ ♫" "♫ ♫" "That's good." "Congratulations." "Shoes were really superb." "–Thank you." "–Thank you so much." "My pleasure." "Um, I'm off, Dad." "Excuse me." "Is it to do with George?" "It always is." "Hey, hi." "Oh, my!" "How are you?" "How lovely to see you." "Are you happy with your mother?" "Of course I am." "Thanks, Mom." "Tell George I'm sorry he couldn't make it." "I will, I will." "Wonderful." "How was it?" "Shoes were lovely, of course." "Dresses like handkerchiefs, girls like stick insects." "It's not catching, is it?" "Come on." "I should get you a jacket like that." "Hey, Peter." "Eleanor, how are you?" "You know Ralph?" "Yes, I know Ralph." "Can I just have a shot of you with—" "I'll grab the table." "There she is." "Hi, oh." "I'm starving." "Yeah?" "It was all right, wasn't it?" "It was great." "Oh, shut up." "All right, I will." "Abigail fled." "Honestly, the two of you." "What?" "I've got a daughter who flees, a husband who jeers." "Oh, Lisa, come on." "I don't jeer." "I like your shoes." "It's the people in them I can't stand." "Oh, well." "Fish cakes." "Well, you won't get them in Milan." "It is Milan, right?" "Gianni and Gianni." "Which is the one who still lives with his mum?" "Gianni, of course." "Actually, they both do." "A very old lady in black who hovers." "They make wonderful shoes." "Hey." "You make wonderful shoes." "Do you think two people can live together all their lives?" "Well, we've managed more than half our lives." "Do we have a problem?" "Of course we don't have a problem." "Is that the problem?" "Eh?" "Why do you ask?" "Thinking." "Abigail, George." "Will she get married?" "Abigail." "What?" "Well, you know." "Are you jealous?" "What, of George?" "I think I like George." "Well, you have a strange taste in men." "We're not quite ready yet." "I'll come back." "Do you never wish you might be given the chance to sleep with someone else?" "Lisa, are you telling me something?" "I'm asking." "Well?" "Peter?" "No, I mean, no." "I don't want to sleep with someone else." "Maybe I haven't found the right person yet." "No, never." "I promise." "It's a choice, not a promise." "You meet someone;" "you fall in love." "You have the opportunity." "You make a choice." "I chose you." "I do love you, you know." "You do know that, don't you?" "If I didn't, I'd go." "Go?" "Yes, just go, taking nothing, bare, start again." "Oh, that's all right then." "I need to tell you something." "No, don't move." "Don't move." "Hmm?" "I don't want to worry you." "Why would you?" "What is it, Lisa?" "Nothing." "Nothing, I'm fine." "You sure?" "I'm sure." "I'm fine." "Milan?" "The Giannis." "I told you." "Honestly, I'll ring." "Dad?" "Upstairs." "Here, have them." "Why?" "I don't want them." "I don't want her stuff, Dad." "I don't want her things around." "You take them." "I know we're the same size." "It's just, it might be weird." "I don't know." "I wouldn't be happy having her stuff." "Mum's phone." "Not Mum?" "Funny." "You've always been like this, even when I was little." "I remember I wrote you a story." "It was about a bear." "And I gave it to you, and you took it, and then you just went back to what you were working on." "I'm talking, and you're not even pretending to listen." "And I'm only talking so I don't have to listen to your silences and not because I think for one minute you'll take any notice of what it is I have to say." "Mum asked me to put this here for you." "What was that about?" "Earth to Dad?" "Dad?" "Is that where she's gone, into orbit?" "You have one new message." "I just want to hear your voice." "That's all." "It's been so long." "I know I am wrong to ring you, but I want to hear your voice." "I just want to hear your voice." "That's all." "It's been so long." "I know I am wrong to ring you, but I want to hear your voice." "You know Ralph?" "Hello, Mr Ryman." "Peter, how are you, dear?" "You know Eleanor." "–Hello, Peter." "Did you know?" "What?" "Did you know about them?" "Peter?" "Ralph." "How long has it been going on?" "Peter, are you all right?" "I should smash your fucking computer over your fucking head." "–Peter." "–What are you talking about?" "Lisa." "Have you always been fond of her?" "–Of course." "–Uh-huh." "And was she fond of you?" "I think so." "But not like that." "You can't believe we've been having an affair." "Peter, that's not on." "And if she— well, I couldn't blame her, eh?" "Ralph." "You know, I never could for the life of me understand what she saw in you." "I don't see why I should be insulted." "I don't see why." "Peter, there is somebody." "She did have a friend." "We know nothing more." "Really, Peter." "Who is he?" "Why does there have to be anyone else?" "Because people always love her?" "–Abi— –No." "You should be ashamed, asking things like that about Mum, ashamed." "Everything all right?" "I'll see you in a minute." "Okay." "It was just the two of us in Italy, Dad." "And we didn't go to Lake Como." "We went to Venice." "Here." "When I've washed my face, you can use the bathroom." "We get up at 6:30, 'cause George goes to work early, and so do I." "I'll wake you for breakfast." "Abi—" "'Night." "Dad?" "Morning, Peter." "Hello, Mr Ryman." "–Peter— –Thanks, Gail." "Peter?" "Peter." "Ralph." "It's Guy." "Ralph." "Me?" "No, I wasn't thinking of you, Guy." "Well, it's good to see you back." "Look, I don't need to bury myself, you know, or anything." "Oh, who said you did?" "If you'd rather be at home, Peter, you're the boss." "We can manage." "Do you have trouble with badgers in your lawn, Guy?" "I can't stand them." "I want to kill the bastards." "Could you get me Joy, please?" "We have two Joys, Peter." "Security Joy and Systems Joy." "Security." "Peter—" "I don't want to be rude, Guy, but—" "Well, if you need me." "Thank you." "Sit down, Joy." "I'm sorry about the ID contract." "I was always anxious about it being rolled out before—" "I have an email address, and I want an identity, Joy." "I'm sorry?" "I want to know who he is, where in the world he lives." "That's not legal, you know, Peter." "Then don't do it." "I won't." "I've never done it." "No, but you know what we do." "Hope to catch a data package on one of its hops." "Get the IP fingerprints." "Try an SMTP connector to the server and request it takes a mail for your guy's email address using VRFY and EXPN options." "Might get lucky." "It does rely on the server being poorly configured, but doesn't everything?" "Mm-hmm." "So what do we know?" "He calls himself Ralph." "Yes?" "I want to meet him." "I want to kill him." "Who pays for the software?" "I do." "Not the firm." "Well, that's fine." "He mustn't know you're looking for him." "I want it to be a big surprise." "Ah." ""What's this rubbish about our love having gone?" ""It's easy to say but can't be done." ""The past is still very much alive for us." ""Your message has made me very happy." "Ralph."" ""To say but can't be done," ""because the past is still very much alive for us." ""Your message has made me very happy." "Ralph."" ""It's easy to say but can't be done." ""Very much alive." "Your message has made me"—" "You all right, Peter?" "You've been a cop, Eric." "Where do I get a gun?" "A gun?" "Yeah." "Well, you don't." "You don't want to think like that." "He wants me to get him a gun." "Don't be silly, Eric." "Gail?" "Could you get me a flight to Milan tonight?" "Lisa's hotel— I can't remember its name." "Oh, Peter." "Peter, Eric says—" "Book it." "Please, Gail." "Buona sera, signore." "Mama!" "If you want to leave a message for Peter or Lisa, please speak after the beep." "beep!" "Dad, are you there?" "Dad?" "Call me." "I don't know what you're up to." "Campione del mondo, eh!" "Ti faccio vedere lo." "Bravo, bravo." "Grazie." "Scusi, signore." "Excuse me." "Hmm." "I could never leave you." "Why would you?" "Mm." "Buon giorno, signore." "Come sta, Eduido?" "Uh, è questa vostra tavola?" "English?" "No, no, no, no." "Please." "Excuse me." "That is the Queen's Indian Defense, right?" "Yes, it is." "Love it." "Black is going to have to sacrifice his queen." "But that's how it happens if you field the Queen's Indian Defense." "There she goes." "Peter." "Uh, Ralph." "Ralph?" "Another chess nut." "Shall we play the game out?" "Please." "Good." "Thank you." "All right." "Here we go." "Ralph, that's R-A-L-P-H, right?" "Of course, sir." "Father is Spanish, Mother English." "So it was not Raf-e, but Ralph, spelled R-A-L-P-H, of course." "She liked things to be punctiliously correct, my mother." "She had her ups and downs, mostly down." "Why Milan, of all places?" "I am a cosmopolitan." "I am not one for the same place, same thing, day after day." "Who is?" "You?" "No." "I've traveled a fair bit on and off." "I enjoy London..." "New York, never had much time to get to know Australia, but I have, as it were, circulated everywhere civilized." "Yes." "England, Oxford, Cambridge?" "Cambridge." "Girlfriend I met here lived in Cambridge, when I dabbled in the fashion business." "She was in shoes." "Shoes." "When I say "shoes,"" "it is as if I say Baryshnikov is a hoofer." "Yes." "It was here, in Milan." "I saw these red high heels." "And I saw this woman." "She was walking towards me." "And for a while— this didn't seem credible, but all I saw was the shoes." "I make shoes." "You?" "Uh, I'm interested in poetry, and therefore, feet." "Was this a long time ago?" "Oh, yes." "10—no, 12, 12 years." "And when was the last time you saw her?" "Actually, uh, nine months." "Yes." "But I have good reason for hoping to see her again soon." "Check." "Dad?" "Peter?" "Peter?" "Hello?" "beep!" "You have one new message." "Lisa, please, let me hear your voice again." "I know I swore I wouldn't ring you, but your emails made me desperate to hear your voice." "Call me, please." "Bye." "What do you do in Milan with those Giannis?" "Made me jump." "Eh?" "Trade fair." "It's hell." "Expect me to feel sorry for you?" "Mm-hmm." "Do you desperately want to do that?" "Was she often in Milan, your friend?" "Oh, yes." "I will make things easy for you, but don't doubt my love because of that." "She would try to elude me." "I'd like to—" "I'd like it to be that things were different." "I know." "I was very persistent." "Yes, you know." "I mean, if we could be together, live for one another, let nothing else matter." "But our world isn't like that." "Lisa—" "No, I know." "Don't keep saying "I know."" "–I know." "–I know." "I know." "–I know." "I know;" "I know." "I know;" "I know." "I know;" "I know." "I know." "I know." "I know." "Oh, grazie." "You gave me a shock." "I heard you coming." "How was Milan?" "Lovely." "Fun." "Everything all right?" "Yeah, of course." "I'm so happy to see you." "Hmm." "You meet someone;" "you fall in love." "You have the opportunity." "You make a choice." "Lisa?" "Ever had a woman you'd like to live with?" "Plenty of women desperate to live with me, but I don't live with anyone." "See them, yeah, often for lengthy periods, but not live." "Are you married?" "We have a daughter." "I have a son." "Hmm." "Married long?" "Nearly 25 years." "We've both had separate careers with all that that means." "Oh." "We've had a good marriage, always trusted each other, never doubted." "Oh, well, that's fine, very good." "Grand, but not for me." "There's always doubt, my friend." "Marriage is hell, as I am sure you have found." "I prefer hotels and heaven." "Come and see." "I kept it for you." "You have a bad Bishop." "And I have a good one." "You swine, Ralph." "Excuse me." "Forgive me." "We Spanish are passionate people." "You do have a good one." "But check." "Unless you can swindle, cheat." "Not my game." "I haven't a spiteful bone in my body." "Excuse me." "Lisa?" "Lisa?" "I know you—" "I know you are there, Lisa." "Answer me." "I know you are there." "Lisa, your emails." "Answer me." "I know you are there, Lisa." "Speak to me." "Let me hear your voice." "Darling, come on, speak to me." "Lisa?" "Answer me." "Answer me." "I know you are there." "Lisa?" "Darling, speak to me." "Lisa!" "My love, the passion I give you can't be without you any more than you can be without me." "If you leave me, I'll crash." "You frighten me." "I will." "Don't let it come to that." "What else can I do?" "Who are you happiest with?" "Now?" "This moment." "You." "Soon I will be happy with another." "Him?" "Of course him." "Excuse me." "What do you think you're doing?" "I got a call yesterday." "It was a call from the shoe designer." "I can only describe her to you as the most beautiful woman in the world." "I do now know she is the only woman I could ever love." "Check." "She— she has rung you, has she?" "She has." "You spoke to her?" "She has acknowledged my call." "Do you ride?" "You know, with horses as with women— and of course, you know that." "But to have good hands is essential." "Checkmate." "You bastard;" "how dare you?" "It's only a game of fucking chess, man." "Oh, Lord." "3:00, I must fly." "If you spoke to her, what did she say?" "Dad." "Abigail." "We wondered where you were." "Is George here?" "No, no, he's not." "–Come on." "–Where are we going?" "How to tell you?" "I've talked to him." "What?" "Her lover." "Huh?" "How?" "Not really talk to him;" "I didn't say anything." "Mum's phone." "I used ring back." "–Did you?" "Oh, of course you did." "Yeah, I talk to him every day." "We play chess together." "What?" "He doesn't know who I am." "He's monstrous." "His hands in particular revolt me." "Pink hands!" "I really don't want to know." "It's not the same for you." "He doesn't have horrible hands." "Oh, read his emails, here." "Oh, Dad." "Listen." ""I didn't touch you until you put your arms around my neck" ""on our first night." "Don't you remember?"" "We never spent days and nights in bed together." ""It was cold," ""so cold you didn't want to come out." ""And so I sat up and leaned across you" ""and turned out the light on your side." ""And then you finally took your arms from under the blanket" ""and took me to you." ""I don't dare ask to see you again," ""but you should know I would like that very much." "Ralph."" "He calls himself Ralph." "He says things like" ""the most beautiful woman in the world"" "in his well-pressed jeans, yellow socks, sacred Gucci loafers." "Fucking prick!" "Gucci loafers!" "Have you been replying to him?" "Hmm?" "He thinks she is." "Oh, no." "Oh, Dad, please." "Just leave it, yeah?" "He says things like "took me to you."" "What was she thinking of?" "What sort of woman would believe that sort of crap?" "How could she?" "Don't cry." "I'm not crying." "I wasn't enough for her." "I'm so bloody angry, I could kill him." "I was always faithful to her." "I thought we were close." "I thought we told each other everything." "But she was a different person." "She must have been." "Which is worse, that the person you love is someone else with another man, or that they're the same?" "Please, Dad." "Please stop it." "It's so bloody insulting." "I can't take it anymore!" "Just let it go!" "I sat up and leaned across you and turned out the light." "And then you finally took your arms from under the blanket and took me to you." "You s— you scared me." "Yes, yes, I'm sure." "Yes." "You—" "I wasn't, uh— you'll love this." "This is just— what I am doing down here is just taking care of the house tortoise." "How do you say that in English?" "Tort-tort—" "Tortoise?" "What?" "Tortoises." "Tortoises, tortoises." "You like tortoises?" "Don't touch me, please." "I don't blame you, messy business." "Come here." "Come here." "Ah, come here." "You know, when the old girl started digging in the dirt— watch this—" "I thought of everything except that she might be burying eggs." "But that's what she was doing, three eggs." "But she was— three." "So I moved it down here, and tiny little tortoises hatched from two." "Are you all right?" "Tartaruga, the Italians call them." "Two of them hatched out, but I lost one." "And I am sad to say, you know, she went down the pan." "Sentimental sod." "Bastard!" "How dare he?" "I'll pay." "I'll pay him." "I'll pay you." "I'll pay you." "I will pay you." "What are you doing?" "I've just got time to get my flight." "None of this you're doing is right, Dad." "It's making you ill, and it's making you awful." "You're not stable, yeah?" "It's over." "Just let it go." "Move on." "No, Abi, sorry." "She's gone." "Vai, vai, aeroporto." "Hello?" "Hey, Peter, I have a little problem." "Let me give you lunch tomorrow." "Shall we meet at my apartment?" "Buon giorno?" "Peter." "Come on up to my apartment." "Your apartment?" "Come on." "Is this—" "When I am in town, yes." "Hey, I've had some very exciting news, though it's rather hush-hush from the fear of publicity." "She wants me to go to spend a weekend with her in Lake Como, our usual hotel, my friend, the celebrated shoe designer." "Um, it's nice." "You know, I was thinking, you know me, a second honeymoon in Lake Como sort of thing." "And then we'd both go to London." "Well, to be honest, things are becoming a little hot for me here, you know, the usual temporary cash-flow problems." "I was thinking about throwing her a surprise party." "You know, push the boat in and mark the beginning of our life together." "London?" "A celebration, but—" "No, no, no buts;" "do it properly." "Push the boat in, well and truly." "Out, I mean." "Do you think so?" "Let me foot the bill." "No, no." "The least I can do to help a friend who's temporarily on his uppers." "Uppers." "How much?" "Oh, cash, of course." "I hope I am gonna get invited to this London party." "Yeah." "What do you have in mind?" "Colleagues of hers, cosmopolitans like myself—" "More?" "Fashionistas, you know." "More." "Why not?" "Good evening." "A reservation in the name of Carentis." "Your guest is already here, sir." "I'm sorry to disappoint you." "She won't be coming, Lisa." "Lisa?" "She's dead." "Lisa, my wife, dead." "Me." "It's been me, you see." "Aperitifs, signore?" "What did she die of?" "Cancer." "Bad?" "Bad?" "She got so thin I could carry her with one arm." "They say they know how to cope with pain nowadays." "They do." "They did." "Peter?" "Do you want to come through?" "I wish she had screamed sometimes." "It'll be fine." "She didn't tell me she was ill until it was too late." "I don't know why she did that." "It was so stupid." "Her doctor suggested it was vanity." "Shut up!" "Of course it wasn't vanity." "She knew I wouldn't have cared how she looked." "You do know she refused surgery." "I do now." "Is Lisa proud of her looks?" "She didn't talk about it." "I suppose she— she didn't want to—" "She never complained." "She—" "She liked being beautiful." "It isn't a crime." "What isn't?" "If she cared how she looked." "It wasn't vanity." "–How dare you?" "She would have been just waiting for it to go away." "Go away?" "Yes, go away." "It was part of who she was." "Everything she did was perfection." "Don't be bloody silly." "It was the opposite." "She lived in the perfection of the moment." "It wasn't perfection." "It was blindness." "And what about the future?" "Did that not matter?" "You know, I've been very happy with you, Peter." "Where?" "Where were you happiest?" "Hmm?" "Peter, I—" "Write it down." "Here." "Go on." "Take the pencil." "Go on." "Write it down." "I bet it will be the same, right?" "Smug bugger." "I have a better idea." "Write down somewhere we've never been that I could take you to." "You could take me anywhere." "How did you find out about me?" "You were on a file called "Love" on my wife's computer." "You read my emails?" "All of them." "I pretend everything is better than it is, that there is money when there isn't, make things more beautiful than they are." "I can do that." "I am good at that." "Losers are brilliant at making things pretty." "And I try to make the world beautiful when I can, just bring it out of— reach the core, the heart of things sort of thing." "And you—" "You only see the surface." "George isn't the man for him." "But he is for me." "I know that." "It doesn't have to be either-or, does it?" "You can love two people at once." "Well, I think so anyway." "That's right." "Sweetheart, you know I've always loved your father." "Mum, I know." "It's simple, really." "It's not just me anymore." "It's me and George." "And Dad thinks that's messy, and he does so love everything in its place." "And he'll probably change all this, but he can't change me." "And sometimes I want to say to him, get a fucking life." "No." "Get your father." "No, no, I can do it;" "I can do it." "Get your father." "So well, that's it." "That's over." "You can still have your party for her." "I shan't be there, of course." "Of course." "You've had your revenge already." "I am a bullshitter who is a janitor who would take any job, any, brags about the past as if it was a catalogue of glory, not unpaid bills and bankruptcy and prison." "Oh, I'm sure." "I should have noticed." "Those emails sounded as prickish as you are." "I saw them as beautiful, of course." "Do something for me." "Put this in one of the red shoes in my room." "It's for Dad." "How will he find it?" "He'll find it." "But you know what?" "She knew everything about me, and she paid my debts." "And she loved me in spite of it." "Thanks for the suit and the room." "Can't afford to pay you back, but by God, I wish I could." "Feel free to enjoy your meal." "It's all right." "It's okay." "Let me go, Peter." "I can't." "You must." "That's mine." "Excuse me." "♫ You'll find a girl like you. ♫" "♫ I'll find a guy like me. ♫" "Hello?" "Abi, are you at work?" "Dad?" "Okay." "Listen, can I talk to you?" "Yeah, just talk, Dad." "It's what people do on phones." "Abi, could you come up to London?" "I know it's short notice, but if George could get away—" "Well, where?" "So, I said to Berlusconi, "Silvio," ""you can do more than just a soccer team." ""You can run the country." "You can run the country."" "He followed my advice." "Then he just said to me, "Be my personal assistant."" "I said, "I am just attending a number of these now, and I don't know if I'm gonna have the time."" "Ralph." "You're looking well." "Good, wonderful you could come." "Do you know Peter Ryman, a software designer, a friend of Bill Gates." "Reverend Tim Brookes." "We met the other day at the hospital." "Yes, I have a job there now." "Lisa was a happy woman as well as being a great shoe designer and a great artist." "I can still see her now with her pencil and her thumb never leaving the paper." "The line sweeping up the heel to the upper along the top line, across the throat, tracing the vamp..." "Diving towards the toe, stroking the sole to rise like a caress towards the breast of the heel and down to its tip." "Sort of thing." "Lisa." "To Lisa." "Bravo, Ralph." "Look at him." "There he is." "Ralph." "We have Ralph." "Dad?" "Our host." "God bless him." "And now my toast to Lisa, my wife, your friend." "My love." "To Lisa, and to our daughter, Abigail." "Abigail." "All that stuff about shoes." "Ralph." "Ralph." "Appalling, dreadful man." "But..." "Well?" "He was also rather wonderful." "And so was she." "She really did know me, didn't she?" "Us." "Him." "The train now arriving at platform seven is the 12:26 First Capital Connect service to Cambridge, calling at Letchworth Garden City," "Royston, and Cambridge." "Platform seven is the 12:26 First Capital Connect service to Cambridge." "For safety reasons, please do not leave your baggage and other items unattended in any part of the terminal." "Any unattended items will be removed by the police." "♫ ♫"