"John?" "Oh." "Hello." " What are you doing?" " I just came in to work on a closing." "I ate bad pastrami." "I got gas pains." "That's why I loosened my trousers." "I turned and then..." "I apologize." "It's okay." "What are you working on?" "You're not even in trial." "My generic..." "John?" "What's up?" "It's too beautiful." "Excuse me?" "That light snow falling." "Sometimes it's hard to walk home on a beautiful night when you..." "When you have gas." "When you're alone?" "Lately, I've been getting the feeling I'll be alone all my life." "Oh, John." "I don't mean to sound like I'm sorry for myself." "I have a great life." "I love my job, make tons and tons of money." "I just see myself 30 years from now." "Lonely old man with nothing of his own but a worn-out trial bag." "Nicholas?" " What..." " I need your help, John." "Nicholas Engbloom, Ally McBeal." " "The" Nicholas Engbloom?" " I grew up two houses away..." "What's the matter?" "Well, I I have this case, we go to trial tomorrow." "My..." "A case?" "I thought you retired." "I came out for one last trial." "So I took this one murder case." "Problem is, my client won't really talk to me." "The trial begins tomorrow." "Why won't she talk to you?" "She doesn't trust me." "Or anybody else." "She has Tourette's syndrome." "I need your help." "You sound low." "Is everything else okay?" "Oh, sure." "It's just..." "I want to help this girl out." "She seems like a nice person." "How did she commit the murder?" "She ran over her lover with an SUV." "And then she backed up over him." "Oh." "Tough case." "VONDA SINGS:" "I've been down this road" "Reasons to Believe" "Walking the line That's painted by pride" "And I have made mistakes in my life" "That I just can 't hide" "Oh, I believe I am ready" "For what love has to bring" "I got myself together" "Yeah, now I'm ready to sing" "I've been searching my soul tonight" "I know there's so much more to life" "Now I know I can shine a light" "To find my way back home" "Oh, baby, yeah" "Oh, yeah" "Murder?" "Yes, she drove over her boyfriend." "What's the defense?" "She drove right over him?" "Why does she need you?" "She's got Engbloom." "She and her lawyer are having communication problems." "She has Tourette's syndrome." "Oh, Tourette's, she has that." "You even know what that is?" "I was once honored by the American Tourette's Society for my charitable work in that field." "That's where they whoop like monkeys?" "John?" "There's a woman here to see you." "Is she cute?" "Yes, Richard, she's your type." "Wattle for days." "Just asking." " Brandy?" " I'm sorry to barge in like this." "I know how busy you must be." "Nicholas and I are..." " Just on my way to meet him now." " Pardon?" "He's asked me to second chair his trial." "Oh." "What's the matter?" "I guess under the circumstances..." "What's wrong, Brandy?" "I came here to ask you to be my lawyer." "Well, what do you need a lawyer for?" "I want to divorce him, John." "Wattle?" "[STUTTERS]" "What?" "Why?" "Because of this trial, actually." "He's supposed to be retired." " And?" " And he promised he would retire, and now he's not." "He'll never be, and I won't take it." "Of all the couples in the world, the happy couples." "He's been happy." "I've been waiting." "Well, I won't wait anymore." "I won't." "Well, as I said, under the circumstances if you're representing anybody, you'll be representing him." "You can't do this." " John, I am doing it." " Wait, wait." "At least let me set you up with decent counsel, all right?" "I can certainly do that." " Me?" " If I represent him you her, we could put this back together." "It's supposed to be adversary, like marriage itself." "Balls." "This is the most in-love couple I've ever known." "For them to divorce, it's outrageous." "I won't let it happen." "I know how you massage people." "You make their worries go away." "You did it with Kimmie, with Elaine." "You massage Ally." " Steady." " I need your help on this." " Have I ever asked you for much?" "ALLY:" "He'll do it." "These are the kinds of things he can't say no to." "Thank you." "Let's go, we're late for court." "She threw you out?" "I was embarrassed." "I thought she'd take me back." "Well, it's serious, Nicholas." "Hello, Melanie." "This is the extent of our relationship." "Melanie, I'm Jonathan Cage." "Actually, it's Jonathan..." "John." "When I'm nervous, I add syllables to fill dead air." "I apologize." "This is my brother, Ally McBeal." "Sister." "It's neither." "I meant "brother" as a legal term." "Lawyers sometimes refer to each other as brothers." " Whoo!" " Whoo!" "Herein lies the cause of my nervousness." "It's possible I have Tourette's." "I'm not very symptomatic." "But one of my symptoms is, sometimes I pick up on the ticks of others and mimic them." "It's entirely involuntarily, as are your..." "It's most pronounced when I'm nervous, but I wasn't mocking you." "I believe you." "Okay, let's get down to business." "Temporary insanity seems to be our best option." "Sorry, Mr. Cage, I can't do that." "Okay, you want to tell me why not?" "People have always looked at me like I'm insane." "Any idea what that's like?" "No, but them thinking that at the moment could come in handy." "I'd rather be considered a murderer than crazy." "If that makes me insane, I still don't want to plead it." "Sorry, just another tick of mine." "Some are physical." "Jonathan!" "In your confession you said you went to his house for the purpose of killing him." "True?" " Yes." " Okay, I'm just being curious here." "Why didn't you kill him inside?" "I beg your pardon, midget?" "That's what she did to me." "Nicholas, that's involuntary." " That's the Tourette's." " Pip-squeak." "You left the house with him still quite alive." "If he hadn't followed you outside you wouldn't have been able to kill him." "What's your point?" "It sounds like you got angry and just snapped." "In which case..." "I'm not pleading insanity." "I told him, I'm telling you." "Can we just go in and start the trial?" "That's all right." "We start after lunch." "Fine." "Poop!" " Hey, Richard." " Hey, Mark." "Oh, listen." "I've been meaning to ask:" "How's Elaine in bed?" "I've wanted to find out, been too afraid of catching something." "You're talking about the woman I'm seeing." "I know, that's why I'm asking." "That was amazing, John." "You connected more with her than I have in months." " Mrs. Engbloom's in the room." " What's going on?" "I arranged a settlement conference." "No, forget it." "If you don't want to wind up divorced, you will do this." "Wow, Nicholas Engbloom in my law firm." "We should memorialize it." "By the way, everything okay with you and Mark sexually?" "Why do you ask me that?" "Well, he doesn't want to talk about it." "There must be nothing to talk about." "You don't have the decency to tell me you got a lawyer?" "Did you check with me when you came out of retirement?" "Let's start off in civil tones and build toward the anger." " Is retirement the only issue?" " Can you believe it?" "You'd better believe it." "I've never cheated. 40 years I've never looked at another woman." "I come home to you!" "Nicholas, you have a heart condition." "The doctors told you to retire." "They did not." "That was your idea." "No, it was your promise." " Hold on." " It's one lousy case!" "Why did you take it?" "We can't put our retirement on hold for one month?" "What's so important?" "I'm the one who is being put on hold." "I have been on hold for 43 years, and I'm sick of it." "I am sick of being the one you come home to." "I want to be the one you wake up to." "L..." "I'm afraid of retirement." "More than you could ever know." "I'm just scared of going dead inside." "It's not that I don't love you." "But it's not enough." "I guess that's the problem then." "It's always been enough for me." " Nothing happened?" " Something wrong with your thingy?" "No." "We both just seemed nervous." " About what?" " Truth be told, all the talk of her experience." "You're worried about how you'll stack up against the many men she's been with." "You need a sex song." " A sex song?" " John uses Barry White." " I use Tom Jones." "Does it help me?" " Amazing." "Not all guys rush, Elaine." "Larry and I, we dated for almost a month before we you know." "But, that's you, Ally." "I'm more, you know, in heat." "When guys think it could be right, they slow down." "This could be good." "How was it with Larry, you know, the first?" "It was so incredibly private." "They were having some sort of argument." "Did you hear what they said?" "No, not really." "I was inside my house." "I saw they were screaming, he waved his arms as she got into her car." "Big girl!" "Hippo!" "Hippo!" "She started her car, and when he moved in front of the car she crushed him." "Boom." "Boom." "Boom." "She just gunned it." "You couldn't hear what was being said?" "No." "No, I couldn't." "All right." "Nothing further, Your Honor." "The witness may step down." "The prosecution enters the signed confession of the defendant." "Otherwise, we rest." "Your Honor?" "I must move to dismiss." "The prosecution's entire case lasted less than 20 minutes." "I'd submit if you're going to ask a jury to take away a woman's freedom and charge her with murder, you'd better have a case exceeding 20 minutes." "This is expedience." "I'm sure they have the chair warming up as we speak." "In this country, we call for evidence first." "We call for a trial, a fair trial." "Not an 18-minute presentation." "Send a message." "Use your gavel right here to say, "Enough!"" " Denied." " Defense calls Melanie West." "We'll reconvene tomorrow." "Adjourned." "Want to tell me why you're smiling?" "You're quite funny." "We need to talk." "I don't want to talk." "I just want you to take care of this." "Do you love this man?" "No, I just devoted my entire life to him." "It was something to do." "Then why divorce him?" "Because I want to." "Larry, he is going to die." "He has a heart condition." "I don't care if the doctors gave him a green light." "He promised me..." "You know we never had children." "In part because we wanted to be together, but..." "When he retires, what do you want to do the most?" "Keep it clean." "I suppose I'd like to dance." "We used to dance all the time." "Every Friday, at the end of the week he'd make me a sea breeze, and we'd dance to Johnny Mathis." "I love Johnny Mathis." "I used to think I was Johnny Mathis in a prior life." "Until I found out he's not dead." "[CLUNKING]" " What's that noise?" " Loading Johnny." "Like to dance?" "[JOHNNY MATHIS PLAYS]" "Listen, I..." "Please." "I think this is a silly idea." "But I suppose at my age I should never refuse a young man." "I could be wrong, but I bet there's plenty of these dances left." "You're single?" "No, I meant with Nicholas." " Hey." " Hey, Ally." "It's nothing, I promise." "Just cheap sex." " Right, Brandy?" " I'm a thrill ride." "John and Nicholas are in court." "But we're hoping to schedule another settlement conference for tonight." "Oh, that's a great idea." "When he retires for good and forever, then I'll talk." "Maybe." "Well, that's something we can discuss." "And in the meantime, you stay away from my man." "Sorry." "My problem here is that if I know you're about to lie I can't put you on the stand." "I'm not gonna lie." "I think you are." "You didn't go there to kill him." "You would've done it inside." "I think you just snapped." "It was temporary insanity, or heat of passion." "Now, it's truth time." "It's also time for you to trust me." "Okay." "It was an accident." "An accident?" "We were arguing, yelling." "My foot, it never meant to hit the accelerator." "My Tourette's, it happened with my foot." "So I didn't realize that I had gone completely over him." "I thought maybe I was on him." "So I backed up to back off him, not back up over him." "Why didn't you just say that?" "Because it's so humiliating." "My foot shoots out and I run over a person with my car?" "I have been laughed at and ridiculed my entire life." "Can you imagine the laughter over...?" "I'd prefer if people thought of me as angry." "You'll spend the rest of your life in prison rather than face ridicule?" "I get asked to leave theaters because of my noises." "Parents usher their children away from me because they think I'm..." "Because my body does things I can't control." "And now my foot shoots out, and I..." "I guess a crime of passion just makes me seem more human." "No, it doesn't." "You're a kind man." "Have you considered medication?" "I'm on it." "You should see me without it." "I won't presume to know the depth of your embarrassment but I will presume prison is not the answer." "I think I'm just willing to be only so pathetic." "Pathetic is having your life over." "It will be if you're convicted." "Tomorrow, I want you to take the stand and tell the truth." "You did that on purpose." "I most certainly did." "[TOM JONES' "IT'S NOT UNUSUAL" PLAYS]" " Mark?" " Am I doing it wrong?" "No, this looks perfect." " What's the problem?" " I don't think that Nelle likes it." "What is this?" "Sex dance, makes us better lovers." "Remember, your idea?" "Oh, yeah." "Listen if you really, really want to turn a woman on..." " Do you?" " Yeah!" " Respect her." " Where's the fun in that?" "If she thinks you respect her, if you really respect her she'll do whatever you want." "Men think it's money, flowers, sweet talk." "It's none of those things." "It's respect." "[ARETHA FRANKLIN'S "RESPECT" PLAYS]" "NICHOLAS:" "I never lied." " I did plan to retire, but..." " But what?" "Brandy, let me start with the questions, okay?" "But what?" "You know, I did almost kill myself." "At that party the firm gave." "The big retirement bash." " 'Cause I'm lonely" " And blue" " Smiles have all turned" " To tears" "NICHOLAS:" "It was supposed to be a big celebration." "And I went there to celebrate, I really did." "But then I went into my office, and I looked around." "Suddenly, I was faced with having to say goodbye to my life." "Next thing I knew, I'm on the ledge  looking down." "You have no idea how close I came to jumping." "Well, that just says it all, doesn't it?" "What are we supposed to do?" "Go to Florida?" "Sip milk of magnesia daiquiris?" " Play hide-and-seek with our teeth?" " What's wrong with that?" "You're asking me to be old." "Well, you are old." "At home, maybe." "On the golf course, yes." "But in that courtroom I'm still powerful." "I'm not old in there." "I'm not weak." "Fine." "Just go to your courtroom then." " Hold on, Brandy." " No." "What a fool I am." "Do you love your job?" "Meaning, is it gonna come first in my life?" "No." "Yeah." "I hope not." "No man sets out with that as a goal." ""I want to live with my work as my priority."" "I don't think anybody ever says that to himself." "So, what happens?" "I don't know, I guess it just happens." "Well, not to get ahead of ourselves but if we do stay together, I don't want that to happen." "Me neither." "How long had you and the victim been together?" "Six months." "He was my boss at work." "And the day that, that you..." "Ran over him?" "Yes." "Well, could you describe what happened?" "Sure." "We were fighting." "I was in my car, getting ready to leave." "He yelled at me for leaving in the middle of a fight." "And all of a sudden, my foot..." "Splat!" "It was completely involuntary." "I didn't mean to do it." "Pancake!" "The truth is, you loved Mr. Gallum very much." " Yes." " And the truth is you hadn't just gotten into a fight that day." "He broke up with you, right, Ms. West?" "Yes, I've never denied that." "No, you haven't." "In fact, prior to today you've never denied trying to kill him intentionally, have you?" "That's because I was humiliated." "Bald hair, ha!" "I don't understand why I have to come in person to file for divorce." "They changed the rules." "The clerks look you in the eyes now." "Oh, Division Two." "That's where Nicholas' trial is." "Shall we take a peek?" "That's why you brought me?" "Larry, do I look stupid?" "You're mad because you want someone to share your life." "My question is, have you truly tried to share in his?" "Motor ticks of lower limbs are not uncommon." "But there's no evidence of Melanie West's leg shooting out before the incident?" "That's not true." "She's exhibited twirling, squatting." "That does have to do with her legs." "Plus, under stress she could experience a completely new tick." "Okay." "Now, doctor, and this is what I don't understand:" " This tick is neurological?" " Correct." " Nothing psychological about it?" " Correct." "Yet these ticks, these utterances seem to have some cognitive component." "She calls Mr. Cage a pip-squeak." "He happens not to be tall." "She runs over a man she's angry at, she says, "pancake."" "There's always been a psychological connection we can't explain." "But these utterances are completely involuntary caused by a neurological pathology." "The question then is this:" "Is it possible she involuntarily hit that accelerator?" "Extremely possible." "I have nothing further." "No, I thought you held up very well." "So did the doctor." "What are my chances?" "Well, all we need is reasonable doubt." " Whoo!" " Whoo!" "And remember Nicholas has no equal when it comes to a summation." "When I was a boy, I'd go in there just to listen." "He's why I became a lawyer." "Now you've got him as yours." "I also have you." "Yes." "Yes, you do." "And Ally." "You know, she's been excellent." "Thank you, John." "Thank you for making me try." "Yes." "All right, well, I better..." "I probably should go check on Nicholas." "Okay." " Yes." " Yes." "John, she likes you." "Oh, that." "I don't know." "No, she does." "Do you like her?" "Well, Ally, she's a client." "I understand that." "But suppose we win this trial?" "You two could go out." "That..." "John, I think she gets you." "But even if there were some..." "With her syndrome and mine that would be very dangerous." "Why?" "What if we had to call 911?" "I start pikipping she barks?" "This could be dangerous." "MAN:" "Let's move it!" "Out of the way!" "Let's go!" "Hey, right here." "PARAMEDIC:" "Let them through." "Nicholas?" "NICHOLAS:" "No, let me go!" "Brandy." "Brandy?" "Brandy!" "JOHN:" "What's going on?" " She just went down." "WOMAN OVER SPEAKER:" "Trauma Team to O.R. Two." "Trauma Team to O.R. Two." "I think she'll make it." "She suffered a massive coronary." " Can I see her?" " She's still unconscious." " I want to see her." " Sure." " So she's gonna be all right?" " We think so, yes." "This is God telling me." "I wouldn't listen to her, perhaps I should listen to him." "[ARETHA FRANKLIN'S "RESPECT" PLAYS]" "Ooh." " Just a little bit." " Just a little bit." "NELLE:" "Well..." "What do you think?" "I think you two are ready." "Yeah." "What you want Baby, I got it" " All I'm askin '" " Ooh." "Is for a little respect Hey, baby" " When you come home" " Just a little bit" "Yeah." "No, no, that's great." "Okay." "No, I'm here." "Okay." "Bye." " Is she going to live?" " Yeah." "Yeah, John's with them." " Where's Larry?" " He's on his way over." "You know, life is short, Nelle." " It really is." " Thank you." "Do you ever feel you're wasting yours?" "Ally?" "I'm happy for you and Larry but I like my life just fine." "Thank you." "Okay." " A little respect" " Sock it to me" " Oh, a little respect" " Just a little bit" "Forty-six years ago I was in a bar." "I ordered a brandy." "They sent a waitress whose name was Brandy." "Communication breakdown resulting in marriage instead of breaking one up." "Get a laugh every time I tell it." "Could be construed as funny." "This is my real fear, John:" "If I'm at home all day she'll figure out I'm not good enough for her." "You don't believe that." "Women love power, you know?" "She was attracted to my power." "What if she doesn't love me?" "She's not gonna stop loving you." "Every trial I ever won I won for the client." "But I also won for her." "Why don't you tell her that when she wakes up?" "I can't close tomorrow." "Can you close?" "I'll close." " You ready?" " No, actually." "How do I make them believe she didn't mean it?" "She ran over him without an "oops."" "It's hard to make sense of this without..." "With any degree of persuasion." "Well, does it have to make sense?" "I mean, the best things don't, do they?" "Such as?" "Love." "Beauty, eye of the beholder." "Even humor doesn't make sense." "Who can explain what people find funny?" "It's the insistence on making sense that doesn't." "And the people who do, they often end up alone." "Ally, she barks." "She squeals, she makes me squeal." "Her little hand fires out and whacks things." "When I go to a movie, I like the action to be on-screen." "You're right." "Wouldn't make sense." "What a relief." "The beginning of a relationship is tough." "Once you get over that hump." " The song helped, didn't it?" " Well, it didn't hurt." "Ling couldn't get enough of me." "And there was plenty to go round, I can tell you that." " I took the big "V."" " Viagra?" "Respect only gets you so far, Mark." "True love?" "Chemicals." "Does everybody take Viagra now?" "Pretty much." "Your last girlfriend did." "That's how you found out the truth." "Elaine, not that it's my business, but how was he?" "Richard!" "It's the song." "She's angry with Peter Gallum." "They fight." "She runs him over backs up over him again, confesses." "And now, for the first time in trial, she suddenly claims:" "Accident." "Right." "She's looking to get away with murder, ladies and gentlemen." "She killed her lover." "Now she's exploiting her disease to try to get away with it." "I suppose you could fall for it." "But I think you all know better." "It's a disorder, it's not a disease." "Little consolation to Mr. Gallum." "But the distinction does mean something to Melanie West." "Because she's been stared at her entire life." "Gawked at, if you will." "Thought of as diseased, deranged." "When a person suffering from Tourette's blurts something out when their hand jerks or their foot, it's no more voluntary than a heart attack and no more welcome." "Oliver Sachs once likened Tourette's to being possessed." "He also spoke of it as "the missing link between body and mind."" "We don't fully understand this syndrome." "The folly here would be presuming that any of us ever could." "Imagine a word coming out of your mouth you didn't intend to say." "And I'll ask you this:" "Imagine trying to maintain your dignity and self-respect as you bark at people?" "As you squeal in a church." "Melanie West has managed to hold on to her dignity in the face of unrelenting ridicule." "When she ran over Peter Gallum, she could only cling to any self-respect to avoid being dismissed as pathetic by making up a lie." "She said she did it on purpose." "It's better to be condemned than pitied." "The district attorney can't make room for that possibility can't make sense of it." "Unless you've walked in her shoes..." "No, no, check that, her body her ticking, twitching body, perhaps you can't make any sense of it." "Which means you can't be sure." "If you look to latch on to something tangible something reasonable, it's right in front of you." "It's called doubt." "Ta-da!" ""Murphys"?" "That's a proper." "It's a regular word." " Murphys?" " It's slang." "Slang for what?" "Do you know this word?" "Yeah, it's the..."Tune in, Tokyo."" "It is?" "You can't use a word like that." "You used bunghole." "I know what that is." "I was gonna challenge that." "Why are you here?" "Because she's represented by counsel." "I can't let..." " Oh, balls." " That's a 10-pointer." "Quiet." "Listen, the case is over." "You're discharged." "I haven't heard that from my client yet." "Brandy?" "Is the case over?" "I don't like the word "over." I prefer the word "retired."" "Big points in that word too, Nicholas." "Yes, there are." "BRANDY:" "Larry the case is over." "The jury has reached a verdict?" " Yes, Your Honor." "JUDGE:" "What say you?" ""In Commonwealth versus Melanie West on the charge of second-degree murder, we find her..." "Ha!" "Hoo!" "...not guilty."" "JUDGE:" "Members of the jury, this completes your service." " Thank you." " You're welcome." "So, I'm free." "And single." "Single and free." "I'm gonna go wait out in the corridor and I'll let you two discuss the bill." "She's a bit of an odd duck." "You like odd ducks, don't you?" "Well..." "Can we appeal?" " Melanie, we won." " Yeah, I know." "I thought that maybe if we appeal I could have some more meetings with my lawyer." "Well, there..." "Oh, that's an overture." "Yes, it was." "John, I know I come with a few quirks, but I have this feeling, which something tells me you share." "[NOSE WHISTLES]" "What if we agree up-front I'll never drive?" "The thing is, I'd love to go out with you." "[SQUEALS]" "Let's go." "I know this quiet little bar..." "I am so grateful for everything you've done for me, John." " We could go to." " Okay." " Yeah." "Hold me each evening by your side" "Tell me you'll love me For a million years" "If this keeps up, you and I are gonna have to be friends." "It'll never come to that." "Promise?" "You don't fool me." "If I offered you my jellyroll, you'd step up." "How would you know?" "You've never offered." "Was I too pushy to ask you out?" "I only date pushy women." " Why is that?" " Well, I..." "Because you're too chicken to make the move yourself?" "Yes, exactly, you know me already." "Oh, I knew you the minute you walked in the door." "You had me on, "I'm Jonathan Cage." "Actually, John." "Sometimes..."" "All right, listen." "Dancing is a quiet thing." "If you're going to speak, let it be involuntary."