"Did you know that we've been on the phone for... 97 minutes?" "I needed something to pass the time before The Pussycat Dolls comes on." "You're obsessed, you know that?" "Hey, some people turn to drugs or alcohol in times of sadness." "I myself have reality tv." " That's just weird." " I know." "Why don't you come meet us tonight, celebrate with us before we leave for Cannes?" "I'm not crashing a night out with your guy friends." "You wouldn't." "They've been dying to meet you." "No, thank you, Eric." "Do you really not want to go or do you just want to see who gets kicked off?" " I can't say." " All right, compromise:" "get the results, come meet us after." "Okay, fine." "Great." "I'll call you when I know where we're going." " Bye, Eric." " All right, bye." "How long have you been standing there?" "97 minutes, E." "So what's all this chitchat about between you and your clush anyway?" " My what?" " Your clush..." "Your client crush." " I like that." " Funny how he always warned me about mixing business with pleasure." "I was trying for pleasure first." "He's admitting to it." "No one's hiding anything." "I like her." "She's cool." " So don't hit on her." " Hey, come on." "Who would do that?" "Excuse me." "Look at you." "How are you doing?" "Good to see you." "Don't think about kissing me,Turtle." "What's up, Sam?" "Sammy, the place is looking good, bro." "Congrats on Cannes, babe." "Why don't you go grab our table and hang out the rest of the night?" " The drinks on your tab too?" " The way you drink, it's like giving Turtle here keys to a whorehouse." "Oh, come on, you cut me deep, man." "Thank you, Sam." "I appreciate it." " The boys are here." " What's up, kids?" "Nobody told me Walsh was coming." "I didn't want to hear you complain." "How is it going, Billy?" "I'm great, though spending 30 minutes alone with this guy is sort of painful." "You know he's bringing his wife to Cannes?" "No." "You're bringing your wife?" "it's supposed to be a boys' trip." "When you get married, you realize that a wife is like a herpes sore... she comes and goes when and where she pleases." "Get some Valtrex, 'cause the rest of us are gonna be yachting and boozing it up with bronze-looking broads." "I'm already preparing myself by working on my foreign speak:" ""J'ai dirige ce film." " Voulez-vous avoir le sex?"" " What does that mean?" "It means, "I directed this film." "Wanna fuck?"" " Hilarious." " Stop kissing my ass, Drama." "To the bar, come on." "They like each other, huh?" "And I heard you really liked Walsh's script." " So?" " So do you really like it or are you trying not to get completely pushed out of the project?" " Fuck off, Ari." " Did you really like it?" "I hated it." "But he already committed to doing it." "I'm just trying to be positive." "After five years you finally learned how to lie." "Welcome to hollywood." " Double suits, get in here." " All right." "To the time of our lives we'll all soon be having in Cannes." " Yes, sir." " Except Ari." "There's Anna." " You know Anna Faris?" " Yeah, she's E's new client." "Nice." "Love Anna Faris." "Introduce me, suit." "What do you want me to say?" "He wants her in the movie." " As what?" " My brother." "As your brother?" "I was hoping I'd get a shot at your brother." "No, after meeting Anna he decided to change the part to my sister." " That's ridiculous." " Beyond ridiculous." "No, it's not." "He wants to add some lightness to the movie." " I can be light." " And I already told him he's not allowed to hit on her, so don't worry." " I'm not worried about that." " Good." "So we'll set a lunch for the four of us, okay?" "Hey, guys, I think we should cancel the trip." " Why?" " It's the news." "The attorney general did not get into the specific details concerning the elevation of the administration's terrorist attack advisory alert to red..." "Tough break, baby." "I guess you're not going." "Well, I gotta go." "Cannes is work for me, so..." "Don't start, Ari." "Baby, we are parents now." "We have a responsibility to our children." "You know how much I hate flying together." "With this looming threat hanging over us it would just be irresponsible." "Why don't you just say that you don't want me to go?" "I don't want our children to be orphaned." "That's very sweet." "And you know what?" "I won't go." "You're actually not gonna go?" "No, seriously." "I didn't really want to go anyway." "You don't want to go to Cannes?" "Do you think I care that much about the film festival?" "I don't." "And there are a ton of things around here that I could be doing." " Really?" " Really." " You're not mad?" " No, I'm not." "I'm fine." "You're the finest woman a man could ever not have with him." "I think it would be a mistake for terrorists to try and take over any plane that I'm on 'cause let's just say I'm always ready to roll." "Could we stop talking about this, please?" "It's really just that you're afraid of flying." "I don't think the terrorist alert has anything to do with it." "I'm not afraid of flying." "I'm afraid of crashing." "I think he's afraid of flying commercial, is his real problem." "Is it so bad to long for a private jet?" " No lines, no delays, no shoe bombs..." " No money." "A private jet to Cannes is 100 gs each way." "How can you put a price tag on personal safety?" "Johnny, just give him one of your Xanax already." "I will not." "nobody traveling with me takes a tranquilizer till we've arrived." " Why?" " In case anything goes down we need all the manpower alert, not comfortably numb." "Jesus, looks like downtown Baghdad." "That's good..." "lots of security." "Yeah, no one's blowing up in Baghdad." " There's Billy." " Great." " What's up, Billy?" " Hey." "The plane's been delayed three hours." "What?" "Why?" "is there a bomb scare?" "No, I'm sure it's just so that they can check everything more carefully." "No, actually there is a scare." "Turns out it's specific to L.A.X." "Jesus." "Can you imagine if we went down on the way to Cannes, though?" " we'd be remembered forever." " Yeah, not all of us would be." "Yeah, but the three of us would be." "You know, I used to fear traveling with you, baby bro." "I thought if we crashed the press would say," ""Vincent Chase and brother perish."" "But now with a hit tv show I'm quite certain they would say," ""The Chase brothers perish."" "Fuck, I'm ready for whatever happens." "So what should we do for the next three hours" " besides celebrate your obituary?" " Run." "I was thinking we'd go meet with Anna, talk about getting her in this film." " I set a lunch for next week." " So move it up." "I want to get her hooked so I can start rewriting on the trip." "I don't know where she is." "Call her and tell her that Billy Walsh has got a movie role for her." "I'm quite sure she'll come a-running." "Yeah, why put off till tomorrow what you can accomplish today?" "All right, I'll see where she's at." " What about us?" " You can come." " No, me and Turtle ain't going nowhere." " We're not?" "No, we're gonna sweep this entire airport for suspicious and unsavory characters." "Get out of here." "You're getting on that plane in three hours either way, so would you rather seek out terrorist scum here on the ground now or 35,000 feet later?" "Fine." "Yo, we're on." "Let's go." "Hey, and seek out Ari too." "He's gotta be around here somewhere." "I confirmed 30 minutes ago and no one said a word." " Sir, I'm sorry." " You're sorry?" "Tell that to my work that's not getting done that could have been getting done if I knew I had three hours that you're sorry." "This has been an extraordinary day." " We're at code red." " Please, come on." "We're at code red every time the president has loose stool." "Sir, may I suggest you lower your voice before a national guardsman mistakes it for a threat and inadvertently shoots you?" "My plane's been delayed for three hours." "And your wife is not going to Cannes." "Oh yeah?" "So what?" "How do you know?" " I spoke to her." " You did?" "Why?" "What'd she say?" "She's fine with not going, right?" "She said she's fine." ""Fine" is not fine, not when it comes from a woman's mouth." "So no, she's not fine." "And somebody else is also not fine." " Oh yeah?" "Who?" " Me." "What's your problem?" "You said if your wife didn't go to Cannes, that I could." "When did I say that?" "When you said it wasn't time for me to get promoted yet." "You know what?" "I'm in the middle of a code-red alert." "We've got military police everywhere, german shepherds ready to attack at a moment's notice." "I'm facing three-hour delays and an uncertain, unsafe future, so get off my ass and go get my wife her favorite flowers." " Do you even know what those are?" " No, but you do." "Remember that." "And remember I know what my favorite teuscher chocolate truffles are." "Send yourself a box, Lloyd." "Okay, but this discussion is not over yet, Ari." "Yeah, it is." "I need this role to be self-aware, but with a subconscious lack of understanding." "You understand?" "Not totally." "Is that bad?" "When you read it, you'll understand." "Exactly." "I express myself better when I write." "The important thing is that I've seen Scary Movie 10 times and I know you can bring it for me." " Really?" " Really." "Is he being serious?" "Because I can't tell if he's making fun of me." " What's wrong with Scary Movie"?" " I love Scary Movie." "it just doesn't seem like it'd be your thing." "What do you think my thing would be?" "Blue Velvet maybe," "Henry portrait of a serial killer." "I've seen them both 20 times also." "I'm a cinephile and I see everything." "I've seen Lost in Translation and loved it." "And I've seen Just Friends..." "I loved it too." "I see a contrast in you and me that I think would work perfectly for this film." "And I would be honored if you just gave it a read." "There's a good-looking group, huh?" "And I do feel safe with nuns." " Not me." " Oh, come on." "God wouldn't take down a plane full of nuns." "I gotta believe in at least that much." "I believe it too, but what if they're not nuns?" "What else would they be?" "What, you don't think it's odd that a group of nuns is traveling to the south of France?" "Since when can't nuns vacation?" "They can, but just not to places like Cannes in the biggest party season of the year where girls roam the streets topless." "Maybe it's a missionary trip and they're there to convince the girls to cover up." "Maybe." " Oh, Jesus." " What?" "I'm fine with the nuns." "It's this guy that scares me." "No profiling, Turtle." "I don't believe it." "Have you seen 24?" "'Cause I have." " All right, let's make a move." " What kind of move?" "The same kind of move I made when I was terrified of Pete Minetto in high school... we befriend him, make him love us." "That way when he seizes the plane and starts executing people he let's us go free." "I don't want to befriend him." "Then I'm gonna feel no guilt if I survive." "Are these seats taken, my friend?" "Great." "I'm Johnny." "This is Turtle." "Oh, and this is Ari." "Ari's fucked." "I'm an actor." "What do you do?" "I'm fine." "I don't know what you're talking about." "If you're fine, why are you out shopping for cars?" "What does one thing have to do with the other?" "I want a new car." "What, I can't have a new car if I want one?" " It's my money also." " You can have a new car." "I'm saying you might want to go home because there are probably beautiful flowers waiting for you." "Why?" "Are you feeling guilty about something?" "I'm not feeling guilty, baby." "You're happy." "You're fine with not going." "And you're happy I'm not going." "How much are the Mybachs?" "I'll call you back, Ari." "Please check the board for rescheduling." "FLIGHT CANCELED" "You gotta be shitting me." " Baby..." " This is not your baby." "This is your underappreciated assistant." " What do you want, Lloyd?" " I spoke to my therapist and he said I should not hide what I'm feeling." "I should express to you my hurt and disappointment about not going." "Well, now that you've expressed that, let me express my frustration that my flight has been canceled." "Maybe this is karma." "Perhaps you should do something to turn it before something really bad happens." "Today, Lloyd?" "Under code red?" "I'm sorry, Ari." "That was wrong." "Yeah, it was." "Now listen, call my boy Kenny Dichter over at Marquis Jets, see if me and the boys can hop on a flight today." " You're gonna fly private?" " Just do it." "Maybe in France we'll hit the restaurant of your choice, on us." "The flight's canceled." "Let's get the hell out of here." "Really?" "That's awesome." "How do I get in touch with you?" "You don't." "If it's meant to be we'll run into each other." "Be well, my friend." "That girl is wife material... wife, mother, grow-old-together material." "Too bad you have a girlfriend." "Yeah." "You did promise you wouldn't hit on her." "I'm talking in terms of presence for the film." "The sister has to have that thing that you just adore at all times in order for her to be able to get away with some of the more vicious things that she does." "Speaking of which, you could have come to my defense just a little when she was quizzing me back there." " Your defense?" " Yeah, she asked me pretty tough questions, you're just sitting there like you got no tongue." "You were talking the whole time." "What did you want me to say?" "She looked at you a couple of times for reassurance" " and you didn't give her much." " 'Cause it's an awkward position." "I'm her manager but I'm also a producer on this." "It's a no-show-type job title anyway." "I don't want to jam it down her throat." "Plus, it doesn't really matter." "She's got the script, she loved Billy, so what do you want me to say?" "You think she loved me, suit?" " Hey, what's up, Turtle?" " Yo, E, our flight's canceled." " What?" " The whole airport's shut down." "All right, we'll meet you back at the house." "L.A.X. is closed." "There's no flights leaving today." " Jesus." " What?" "I couldn't bear going without you, baby." "I know they closed the airport." "It's all over the news, so stop making it like it's some grand gesture." "Baby, what did we learn about being passive-aggressive in therapy?" "If you wanted to go you should have not said "I don't want to go."" "I'm tired of feeling like I'm not wanted." "Baby, what are you talking about?" "This is a one-time thing." "You came home last night and you said that the hotel had screwed us out of a king-sized bed and would I "really be comfortable in a single?"" "and then this morning before the news came on you said that Brian Sher's wife wasn't going and if she found out that I was going, she would go crazy." "There are some men that would kill to go to the south of France with me and if you're not one of them..." "I am one of them, honey." "I'm glad that the flight was canceled, so now I can tell you I want you to go." "I don't want to go without you and I love you." "Now will you go?" "No, Ari, I won't." "Why not?" "Well, because all that will do is assuage your guilt." "Why would you want to do that?" " Well, you shouldn't feel guilty." " What should I feel?" "Sadness that for some reason you're married to someone you don't like to be with." "Laura, I'll definitely need some help upstairs." "Hello, Lloyd." " Hello, Ari." " You're not my mistress." "Stop being mad at me." " I'm no longer mad." "You shouldn't be, 'cause I'd love to have you in Cannes." "So go home, pack your favorite sarong and consider yourself invited." " Are you serious?" " I'm so serious that I'm actually embarrassed for myself." " That's very sweet of you." " It's not, 'cause I don't want to see you when I'm there." "This is a man's trip, so you're gonna have to find your own dick clique." "That is fine, Ari." "Oh my god." "I'm so happy." "But how are we getting there?" " You called Kenny D., right?" " He says there are no jets." "The whole town is scrambling since the alert and you scrambled too late." " There's not one more plane?" " There was one, but Sydney Pollack just booked it." "Fuck!" "The airline said that they can't guarantee that we can get on a flight tomorrow?" "This is unreal." "My travel lady says we could drive to Phoenix, get on a flight to st." "Louis and then hop on a flight to France." " Sounds miserable." " Beyond miserable." "This is insane." "Medellin premieres in 48 hours." " We may not make it." " We'll make it." "Ari will take care of it, I'm sure." "Hey, what's up, Anna?" "I thought you'd be on a plane." "I was gonna leave a message." "No, everything got canceled." "Turn on the news." "Oh, I'm sorry." "That sucks." "What's going on?" "It's about Billy's script." "Can I speak freely?" "Of course." "What's going on?" "I don't get it." "It's Sydney Pollack returning." "My fingers are all crossed." "Is this my dear old friend Sydney?" "I told you when I fired you we weren't friends." "You consider that a firing?" "I like to look back at it as an amicable parting of the ways." "I'm not coming back, okay?" "You understand the word "never"?" "Well, you just keep thinking about it because this is not a business call, this is personal." "I need a lift to Cannes." "I heard you got the last plane out of marquis and I've got to get Vinnie Chase and the Medellin crew there by tomorrow." "Medellin..." "You know, I hear a lot of hype about that film." "It's phenomenal." "It's absolutely phenomenal." "I'm not completely sold on that kid of yours yet." "After a plane ride and a screening you'll see him as the next Redford." "You want to do a Three Days of the Condor sequel?" "No." "I wouldn't mind reading him, though." "You know, maybe something would come up." "Okay, Ari, I'll give you a lift, as long as I don't sit next to you." "I'll ride in the bathroom." " How many you got?" " Six." "I can't take six." "I can do maybe five, and that's gonna be tight." "We'll make do." "Listen, I still love you, Sydney." "6:30 sharp at Van Nuys." "Goodbye, Ari." "Come on." "It was a numbers thing." "You heard..." "I couldn't have done anything." " Where are you doing?" " To unpack." "Unpack?" "You couldn't have even packed yet." "In my mind, I did, Ari." "Iin my mind, I did." "It's not my fault she doesn't get it." "But it is your fault if you don't try and help her to." " What do you want me to say?" " I want you to say that you're gonna go convince her that she should do the movie, because that's what your director wants, and as a producer, that is your job." "It's your job, E." "How would you like me to try to convince her?" "Tell her how great you think it's gonna be." "That's what she wants to hear." "What if I don't think it's gonna be great?" "Should I lie to her?" "'Cause that's not what a manager does." "You lied to me." "What, you don't think I know you don't like it?" "I don't know, you've never asked for my opinion" " before you agreed to do the movie." " Because you hate Billy." "I knew there was no way you were gonna read it with an open mind." "What, you're a mind-reader now?" "You asked me if I thought it was okay if you sign Anna as a client and I said one thing:" ""just make sure it doesn't affect my career."" "This is the movie I'm making and this is who I want to be in the movie." "And I really believe it's gonna be a great movie and she's gonna be great in it." "You have to believe that and try to make this happen." "And if I can't?" "At least make me believe that you tried." "Hey, Ari called." "He said we have to be at the airport in three hours." "How are we getting there?" "Sydney Pollack's giving us a lift on his G-IV." "Sweet." "I told you it was gonna work out." "It always does, right?" " So do you really like the script?" " You really hate it?" "No, I don't hate it." "I'm unsure." "You know, it's confusing." "I'm really looking for some guidance here." "Yeah, well, maybe you should give it another read." ""Leopold furiously cooks breakfast." "Curtis enters and Leopold, overcome by his presence, sears his hand over the hot sizzling bacon." "Curtis begins to weep."" " It's written in haiku." " The guy's an original." "I'm a little surprised we're off on this." "Maybe it's just my head space right now." "But if you think I should do it... do you think I should do it?" "I really trust your opinion." "I think Billy's gonna make a great movie." "So you were happy with what he did on Medellin?" "It got into Cannes." "Okay, I'll do it." "I'm sure Billy and Vince will be happy to hear that." "So do you have to go to the airport?" "Yeah, the flight leaves at 6:30." "Oh, you've got some time." "Do you want a drink?" "Sounds good." "Well, I think I'm excited." "You know, I'm excited to start a new movie and to be free from my loser boyfriend." "You don't sound completely convinced." "When you break up it's tough." "It's weird." "I was with Dave for so long that I've completely shut off any possibility of somebody else." "Fortunately, you're not gonna have to do much." "Once people find out you're single, they're gonna be lining up." "I'm gonna tell you something embarrassing, but that'll cheer you up." "When we first met, I thought you were cute." "And I thought our first dinner was a date." "Oh my god, are you serious?" "Oh, I'm such an asshole." "No no." "So you don't hate me for it?" " No, I'm happy to be working with you." " Me too." "And I'm glad you've become a good friend." "And I thought you were cute too when I crashed into you." "What?" "What?" "I don't really like Billy's script." "I don't understand." "Welcome to Marquis Jet, gentlemen." "And a very warm welcome it is." "Will you ladies be joining us on our trip to France?" "No, but you'll be in their good hands." "Hi, Vince." "The friendly skies at last." "Somebody grab my fucking luggage." "You got a lot of bags, Billy?" "I like a lot of wardrobe choices too when traveling abroad." "I got one bag, Drama, you fruit cup, but I took three ambiens and I can't lift my arms." " Hey, what's up?" " Fruit cup." "There they are, boys of Medellin." "I want you all to say hello to Mr. Sydney Pollack." "Hey, Sydney." "Big fan." "Me too, Vince." "Pleasure to have you guys." "Pleasure to be had, Sydney." "In fact, I've been dying to meet you ever since I played the Redford role in The Way We Were off-Broadway." " You played that part?" " Yeah." "You don't see it?" "Are we ready to go?" "Actually, we're waiting for one more." "Wait a minute." "Five..." "We said five." "I miscalculated, but it is no problem." "We'll take the late little man and put him in the overhead." "Every passenger has to have their own seat, sir." "That F.A.A. regulations." "Rules." "Come on," "I got my eight people to take care of." "You guys work it out and we'll see you on the plane." " I'm sorry about that, Vince." " Hey, no problem." "What the hell, Ari?" "No one said an agent could count." "I screwed up, okay?" "But I can remedy this situation." "Everyone that does not have a purpose in Cannes, say "aye."" "Turtle, Drama, don't hold back." "Hey, I have a purpose there... to raise the awareness of Johnny Chase... a purpose that also translates to cash in the miller-gold pockets, I might add." "Look, guys, Drama's right." "He has more of a purpose there than me." "I'll stay back." "It's cool." "Don't worry." "Oh, great." "Now I feel terrible." " It's fine." " Nobody's hanging back or everybody's hanging back, okay?" "What are you talking about?" "You bled for this thing." " You've gotta go." "It's your movie." " We all bled for it." "We'll get another plane tomorrow, 'cause tonight it's all or none." " There may not be a plane tomorrow." " Billy, why don't you go?" "Eh, fuck it." "I'm a team player." "Look, I will bail." "I gotta salvage a marriage anyway." " Don't worry about it." " No, "All or none of us" includes you." "Excuse me, ladies, would you mind telling Mr. Pollack that we're gonna have to catch another ride?" "Hey, Vin, should we call E, tell him not even to bother?" "Unless my triple vision's getting the best of me, that looks like him right there." " Sorry I'm late, guys." " You're not." "We sacrificed the plane to the god of friendship." " What?" " If it's meant to be, we'll get there." " How'd the meeting go?" " Not great." " So she's not gonna do it?" " She's not doing it." "Good." "I was thinking I wanted to keep it as the brother anyway." "Ari, since you didn't want to sail the open seas with me," "I'm taking Tom on a Rosie cruise to Puerto Vallarta for a week." " Sounds good." " We are on our way and I'm not even asking permission." "All right." "Listen, have a great time, wear a life vest, 'cause the only bobbing you should be doing is on tom's cock." "Thanks, Ari." "So what now, Ari?" " Kanye, what's up, man?" " How are you doing?" " How are you doing?" " I've been good." "How does Turtle know Kanye?" "Kanye, Ari gold." "How are you?" "I called your manager about you and I sitting down for a little meet-and-greet." "you know my boy Vinnie?" "Yeah, I know Vince." "What's up, Kanye?" "How have you been?" " Good." "Where are you headed?" " Nowhere." "We got no plane, man." "Where are you guys heading?" "We're going to London." "We're just chilling out for a second." "How much room you got?" "We got a little room." "You feel like making a quick stop in Cannes?" "Not really." "I mean..." " You'd be really helping us out." " Yeah, I mean, like..." " Who do we know in Cannes?" " Everybody." "Everybody's over there." " It would really mean a lot to us." " Come on, Kanye." "Well, I guess we're going to Cannes." "Kanye to the rescue." "Vinnie, go ahead." "I'm just gonna make a quick call." " To your wife?" " Yes." "Leave no man behind." "Put in a good word to Kanye for me." "Baby, listen, it's not that I didn't want you to go." "I love you by my side always." "It's just that I wanted to be one of the boys for once with Vinnie and everyone." "I just..." "I wanted to feel young again, you know?" "But now I know that I don't and I want to feel my age with you." "That's sort of a sweet sentiment." "I want you to get down here." "Come on down, honey." "Go on your boys' trip." "I understand." "If you'd been honest from the beginning, we would have been all good." " Really?" " Really." "But I do want you to come." "I know, and that's enough for me." " You're amazing." " Thank you, Ari." "Oh, and thank you for all the lavish gifts." "It was very thoughtful." "You deserve it." "How thoughtful was I?" " Have a safe flight, Ari." " I love you." " So she fired you?" " Yep." " Will she maybe still date you?" " Nope." " Tough break." " Sorry, E." "She'll maybe still date me." "Bringing your wife, Ari?" "No, and I'm actually sad." "Yo, what up, everybody?" "It's Kanye and we're getting ready to take off in just a few minutes." "And for those of you who don't know," "I actually took flying lessons a week ago, and even though it's totally illegal," "I'm gonna fly us out of here." "Nah, I'm just fucking with you." "I'm just fucking with you." "We've got some real old-school pilot, used to fly Air Force One, extremely old." "Actually, it might be his last flight." "He's gonna retire." "And just for the heads up, when you see the flight attendants coming down the aisle, Mandy and Sandy, feel free to get a massage, 'cause it's crazy." "It's crazy." "Good afternoon, gentlemen." "I'm Hot Stone." "She's Shiatsu." " Can I freshen up your drink for you?" " Yes, you can." "Still sad, Ari?" "but I will get over it." "Cheers to that." "Cheers."