"100 DAYS IN FORUM" "Frank..." "Don't move." " My bum hurts." " You're not the only one." "Be quiet." "Sit down!" "It feels like I caught a draught." "It's gone into my..." "We'll have to swap stools." "What have you got, Mads?" " Take this one, then." " Will you sit down, please?" " Which stool have you got?" " Sit down now!" " Why am I getting the bad stool?" " Give me that." "Hurry up!" " You're such a jerk sometimes!" " Bloody hell..." " Frank, sit down." " My bum hurts." " Hi, Sis." "Good to see you." " It's been far too long." " You're all wet." " Yeah, and cold." " I made you some breakfast." " It looks yummy." " I'm chilled to the bone." " You were unlucky with the weather." " Have you talked to Mum?" " Yes." "It's a shame about the dinner." " But you could come anyway." " I'd love to." " Frank." " Thanks." " What are you doing?" " I'm just taking some sausage." "You're sniffing the food." " What's wrong with that?" " You're spreading germs!" "I'm getting my gastronomic bearings." "It's an old gourmet trick." "I hope you don't have a buffet at work." "You'd be sniffing everything." " Did you have a bad trip?" " Frank's bum hurt, so we went home." "Oh." "Well, those hunting stools can't be very comfortable." "Mads has bought these discount stools." "My bum is still sore." "I don't know what's wrong." "I'm going in to work." " Don't sniff the butter." " That's enough!" " Hi." " Hi." "Listen to this line." ""Masturbation is like archery." "You pull back hard and then shoot off!"" "Kenny says, "You can't help thinking of Robin Hood and his merry men. "" "I say: "So you think of Robin Hood when you do it? " "No, lady Marian!"" "That should be in there." "I'm collecting all the gems   and putting some notes on." "When we have lots of good ones we'll look for a plot or..." "A musical is a bit more loose, you know." "Funny lines and a song..." " Do you know where Claire is?" " I gave her the week off." "She's having an abortion in two days, so I thought..." "She can't be shagging now." "We need a secretary!" " I agree." " We could sack her for that." "We're setting up a musical, so we need a secretary." "She knows that, and yet she's shagging away!" "Claire is off for a while, and then she'll be back." " Is there something I don't know?" " Put two and two together." "Do you want to hang me out?" "Yeah, I knocked her up." "Happy now?" " When did you shag her?" " A while ago." " What's the matter?" " We need a secretary." "I'll hand le it, don't worry." "I can do it." " You don't want to get it?" " No." "Let the new secretary do it." "Casper and Frank's place." "It's Casper." "Hi, Jon." "What's up?" "Really?" "Cool, cool." " Riskær will put up the money." " Klaus Riskær?" "Talk to you later." "Bye." "Alright!" "That's the money sorted." "Riskær is going to be the sole investor." "He's going to fund the whole thing." "We'll put it on in Forum." "Let me hug the secretary!" "Kenny Nickelmann, the king of sports." "Frank." "Frank..." "Ready!" " Are you going to wear that?" " That's what I had in mind, Mia." "I'm going to charm Klaus Riskær, that nice, young man." " Isn't it a bit over the top?" " He'll see me in character." "It's "Far Away From Las Vegas"." "The people want Kenny Nickelmann." " It'll be super, Frank." " I can't wait." "You think the clothes are too much?" "Okay, I'll change." "Is it here?" "There we are." "I'm getting old." "Just getting out of the car is hard these days." " Hi, Jon." " Hi." "Thanks for seeing us." "Hi, Casper." "Hello, Frank." "We haven't met before, I think." "Welcome." "Let's go inside and get started." "Hey..." "What the hell happened with the leaves?" " They were in a neat pile before." " That's me." "I'm sorry." "Do me a favour and sweep them up again." "See you, Frank." " What do you want me to do?" " Sweep them into a pile." "I paid a guy to do it, and now it looks like shit." " Right there..." " And the horns in the background." " I'm back." " Hi, Frank." "Nice of you." " Are the leaves under control?" " Yes, they are." " Thanks for seeing us." " I've been looking forward to it." " Can I have one?" " Of course." "Help yourself." "I've been looking at your brief, Jon." "It looks excellent." " "Far Away From Las Vegas" in Forum." " A show, you know." "We're mixing stand-up and musical." "It's popular and yet new." "You're talking 100 shows in Forum." "The tickets don't sell themselves." "Everyone knows the TV series." "All the actors have said yes already." "My job as investor is to look at the weak spots." "Of course." "After I'd read the material I thought to myself, " ""Can I imagine Frank on stage as a song and dance man   in front of thousands of people? "" "I went to see The Brown Stop at the Bellevue Theatre." " This guy Martin Bechmann..." " Brygmann." "He can really sing." "So can The Three Tenors." "You can't compare me to all the great singers." "No, but no chain is stronger than the weakest link, Frank." "I'll have to ask you to pull out." "We'll contact Martin Brygmann." "So you want Brygmann to play Frank's character, Kenny Nickelmann?" "Yes." "It's only Frank we're taking out of the show." "You'll earn lots of money from royalties, but you can't go on stage." "There's too much money at stake to have you screeching on stage." "We need some trained people." "See you." " Martin Brygmann?" " He'll be playing Kenny Nickelmann." " He'll be what?" " That's what Klaus Riskær wants." " But it's your character." " Apparently not." " They can't do that!" " Otherwise he won't fund the show." " Really?" " Yes." " Is it only you who is left out?" " Yes." "All the others are in." "I'm sorry to hear that." "What a stupid day, eh?" "My bum is so sore, honey." "I can hardly sit." "I think it's got worse." " Are you constipated?" " No." "My bum is just hurting." " Could you have a look at it?" " I'd rather not." "Just a quick look." "To see if something's wrong." "Please..." " Is it right in the hole?" " Yeah, and around it." " I can't really see anything." " What do you mean?" "I can't see up..." "You'll have to spread your buttocks, then." "Alright, well..." " What is it?" " There's something strange there." " What can you see?" " It just looks strange." "And red." " You'll have to go to the doctor." " Yeah, I guess so." "Just go straight through." " Hi, Frank." " Hi, Susanne." " Good to see you." " Yes." "How weird." "It's been a long time." "You look really surprised." "I'm standing in for Teis." "He's on holiday until Monday." " I hope it's OK with you?" " Yes, yes." "Of course." " How are you doing?" " Fine, thanks." "What about you?" " I got married two years ago." " Well, well, well..." "You finally found someone who was tidy, eh?" " What about you?" " I have a girlfriend." "Well, let's get back to you." "Why are you here today?" "Is something wrong?" " How did it go at the doctor's?" " Fine, except I didn't get examined." "Teis is on holiday, so he had someone stand in for him." "It turned out to be a girl I had a fling with many years ago." "A girl called Susanne." "Mad, isn't it?" " Why didn't you get examined, then?" " I couldn't subject her to that." " You couldn't?" " No." "She's a nice girl." "I didn't want to stick my sick arse in her face." "So you don't mind doing it to me, but an ex-girlfriend..." "It's completely different." "You're my girlfriend." " There's a huge difference." " Let's hope it's not cancer, then." "Why do you say that?" " Could I have some more bread?" " Yes." " How is the bacon coming on?" " It's done." "I talked to Mum the other day, Mads." "She can't understand why she hasn't heard from you." " Have you been busy or..?" " Yes." "They're pushing me hard." "Right." "Here's the liver paté." " Help yourself, Mads." " It looks delicious." " There's something on there." " Can I see?" "Did you put extra pepper on the liver paté?" " Did you?" " Just to stop him sniffing." " Did you?" " Just to stop him sniffing." "What's going on?" "What were you thinking, putting all that pepper on?" " Come on, Mads." " It was a joke." "Are you sick?" "We'll take you to the hospital." "Excuse me." "Do you have a minute?" "Could you look at something for me, please?" "I've got a really sore bum, and it's getting worse and worse." "I'm afraid it might be cancer." "I don't know if you can tell..." " How long have you had it for?" " Four days." "Just relax." "What you've got there is a perfectly normal hemorrhoid." " Hi." " Hi, Frank." "Hi there." "Hi, Iben." "Hi, Hjortshøj and Jon." " Have you been here long?" " No." "We've just been chatting." "I brought some papers." " It's the script, right?" " It's a draft for some scenes." "Excuse me." " Have you all heard about my part?" " You're too busy, right?" "It's complicated." "Let's put it that way." " Hi." " Hi, Martin!" " Good to see you." " You look great." "No comments." "You'll have to call my press officer." " Hi, Katja and Klaus." " Nice to see you." "Martin, we were talking about the songs last time." "Could you give us..?" "I remember your show at the Bellevue." "Could you give us a little taster?" "It's such a scoop to have you here." "I'll just put my glasses on." "Then I look more like Kenny." "That's great!" "That's so good." " It doesn't take much." " Alright." ""Why have you got a picture of an elephant on your table? "" ""It's not just an elephant." "It's Jumbo, the zoo's old male elephant."" ""We've got many things in common." "He's proud and pensive..."" ""And elephants only mate every second year as well!"" ""Yes." "Neither of us has got a girlfriend right now. "" ""If I had a trunk I could eat pork scratchings while on my PlayStation"." "I'm not talking about physical similarities" "Jumbo and I are soul mates" "I remember when we first met" "So many years ago..." " It's really catchy, Martin." " Cool!" "On a day like today you can't help feeling happy!" " Well, let's look at the..." " I brought the production schedule." "The show opens in February and runs until June." "That's it." "Have you cleared the dates with my secretary?" "Are we playing in March?" "I'll be in New York the whole month." "I'm doing a road movie with Ole Bornedal." "I'm gone all of March." "Who made this plan?" "Jon, didn't you check if people were available?" "Casper's secretary was supposed to call Martin." " Yes, but she's sick." " Your secretary is sick?" " Casper is secretary this week." " Casper is secretary?" " So you haven't been told?" " No." "I've heard nothing." " No one asked if you were free?" " I'm pretty sure I called." "I'd like to apologise, Klaus." "But I'm pretty sure I called." "No one has called me." "I haven't talked to anybody." "It's true!" " Bloody amateurs..." " You haven't even got a secretary!" " It's freezing cold." " Yeah." "It looks good." " How about some sausage as well?" " Good idea." " We'd like some good cheese." " You've come to the right place." "Why, hello!" "How are the hemorrhoids?" " Do you know each other?" " We met at the hospital." " What were you doing up there?" " I was delivering some cheese." " I have to see the doctor." "Now!" " Are you feeling bad?" "This whole area is infected and oozing pus." "I'll have to cut it off." " Should I spread his buttocks?" " Yes." "It's a really big boil."