" Breathe." "Keep your chin with you." "Shoulders, Christina." "Alex, keep your ribs with you." "Strong hips, Christina." "Efface front." "Efface back." "Plie." "And outside pirouette." "And chaines down the diagonal." "Find your balance." "And... back." "Outside pirouette and chaines." "And strong on the spot chaines." "Alex, ribs." "Good." "Take your butt with you, Jack." "Back leg, Janie Q." "No dogs at the hydrant." "Point those ribs, Reid." "Alex.." "Arms loose, we're not making pizza." "Put on your high heels, boys and girls." "Voila!" "Thank you, dancers." "That was much better than yesterday." "You've worked hard, and I really appreciate it." "Thank you." " Can I ask you something, sir?" " You can if you stop calling me sir." " Sorry." "Um, am I.." "Doing okay?" " You are marvelous, Jenny." "You're absolutely fucking marvelous." " Thank you." " Tobias." " Hi, Daryl." " Hi." "Listen... how about coming to Woodstock with us this weekend?" "Come on." "The weather's gonna be gorgeous." " No one can predict the weather, Daryl." " Bob and I will throw a dinner party." " Too many carbs up there." "Gotta watch the waistline." " What are you talking about?" "We're having salmon." " Bye, Daryl." "  Think about it." " Yeah, sure." " See ya." " Subway's this way?" " Yeah." " You know I don't think it's very far." "We could just take a cab." "Come on, why not." " Okay." " Absolutely not." "Oh, yeah!" "Looking spectacular as always, Mrs. Trujillo." "And you as well, Mr. Powell." " Hola, Raul." " Tobias, como estas?" "  Bien." "Y tu?" "Raul, I, uh, have some company today." " Guests for Senor Tobias?" " The violation of my solitude." "Every now and then doesn't hurt." "Come." " It's cold today." " Ah, yes." "Winter in Manhattan." " Yeah, we're from Seattle." "So we're not really used to it." " Colder tomorrow they say." " Oh, dear." " Hey, Raul, you think you could start us off with some chips or something?" " Chips, Tobias?" " Something nibbley like, uh a party mix or something." " Party mix?" " Yeah, yeah, party mix." "To nibble on." " Okay, Tobias, I bring you party mix." " Okay." "Good." "Jesus" " Alright." " Hey... thanks for doing this." "I love you." " Yeah, no problem." " Uh... hi." " Hi." "Yes." " Hello there." " Hi, Lisa." "Tobias." "You call me Tobi." " Hi, Tobi." "  And this must be your husband, Mike." " Yes." " Hi, Mike." " Hi." " Tobi." " Hi, Tobi." " Well.." "Welcome to my little Greek home away from home." "Uh, Raul, do we have party mix for these fine people?" " We're working on the party mix, Tobias." " Good." "Uh, will you sit down?" "Uh, Mike, do you want to sit across from your wife or next to?" " Next to is good." " I agree." "She's a lovely thing." "You should want to be as close as possible." "Let me help you." "Oh, my God, this is softer than a baby's ass!" "Oh, was that inappropriate?" " Oh, not at all." " I know nothing about baby asses." "It just seemed like a nice image." " I knew what you meant." " Did you, Mike?" "Because I don't want you to take me for a baby ass lover." " I didn't really go there." " Good." " Here come the party mix." " Uh, Lisa, are you a wine fan?" " I am." " Good." "Because they have a very good Duboeuf Merlot and a semi-good Cab Sauv." " A Merlot sounds perfect." " Good." " Mike, what about you?" " Uh, what are you gonna have?" " Uh, I'm gonna have whiskey, IW Harper." "Raul here is the only man in New York who still serves it." " And you're the only one who still drinks it." " Well, that's how I roll." "Is that the right expression?" " Yes." " Okay." "Good." "Lisa, party mix?" " Thank you." " Mike, party mix?" " I'll just wait for my drink." " Ooh." "A man of discipline." " Mm-hmm." " So you got the subway?" " We... we took a cab." " Oh, dear." " Yeah." " I tell you, get on that A train you're here in a heartbeat." "I work downtown at Juilliard, 30 minutes door to door." " It seems so quiet up here." " Oh, it's like heaven with earmuffs." "I wake up some mornings, I have to pinch myself in the ass." " What's it called again?" " Ass?" " No." "No." "I me..." " No." "I'm sorry." "No, it's called Inwood." " Right." " Like Hollywood without the Holly." " Mm-hmm." " You two guys know New York well?" " Well, my parents used to bring me here as a child." " It's a gorgeous fucking city." " It is." " Except for the fucking dirt and scum." "There are days I wanna kill myself." " Well, it seems cleaner than I remember." " Sure, but compared to somewhere like Geneva this is the crossroads of hell." "But then again, in Geneva they have a team of ex-Nazi collaborators who come through the city every night and vacuum it clean of dirt, scum and recently arrived immigrants." "I'm a former Genevan." "Raul." " A Merlot." " Thank you." " And 2 IW's." " I take mine neat." "Is that okay?" " Uh, yeah, it's... it's fine." " Thanks, Raul." "Flushes out the sweat pores." "Well, I'chaim!" " L'chaim!" " Mmm." " Mmmm." "So now, it's your turn to ask this, uh.." " What is this..." " Dissertation." "About dance and the history of classical choreography in this country." "Basically, I've been interviewing artists, uh trying to get a sense of both the history of dance as well as where it's going." "And according to Juilliard you've choreographed operas at almost every major theater in the world." " This is true." " And now you're teaching at America's most prestigious dance school." " Also true." " So I just thought you'd be perfect." " Well, that's very sweet of you to say so." "Mike, are you a fan of the arts?" " Not really." " Well, that's good." "I mean, if there were too many people interested in the arts the world would quickly become a very pretentious place n'est ce pas?" " I..." "I don't know what n'est ce pas is, but yeah." " Huh, so, uh, what do you wanna ask me?" " Well, first of all, uh, I was wondering if you'd mind if we taped the conversation." " Honey, you can videotape me having a bath." "It gets so lonely up here in Inwood." " Okay." "Mike is my technical assistant as well." " Yeah, I can see." "My God." "He's masterful with that thing." " Well, I guess the first thing I'd like to know is why, how and where you started teaching." " How long is the tape?" "No, I'm kidding!" "Uh, no seriously.." "I can't believe how nervous that thing has made me." " Oh, I'm sorry." "You don't need to be nervous." "It's just for me." " Yeah, it's okay." " But I mean it." " Thank you, dear." "Okay." "I always wanted to be a dancer." "Uh, from the age of 6 I used to dance around the living room to my father's Glenn Miller records." "My mother paid for dance lessons for the next 10 years which, given it was Kensington." "Maine were not exactly master classes." "At 17..." "I left home." "Carrying my mother's hushed blessing and my father's general ambivalence." "For the next 5 years I bused tables by day and I took class by night from a prince of a man.." "Called Joseph White." "Two nights later I filled in for an ailing second soloist called Ludwig Chamberlain at a Korean War refugees benefit and... for about a month and a half I was the talk of the town in the part of town that talks about dance." "Long story short" "I was soon picked up by Ballet Nacional de Caracas with whom I would tour every civilized country in the world." "I will leave it to you to decide which those are making occasional guest stints with Australian National" "City Ballet, Paris Opera Thank you." "Long story short" "I blew out my left knee in Brussels in '72 and that was, as they say, that." "For the next two years I cried and drank not necessarily in that order and then I started teaching." "From '88 to 2004, I freelanced out of Geneva as a choreographer for opera in every major opera house in the world." "And here I am now in some Dominican/Albanian section of New York I didn't even knew existed until I arrived." "That's my life." " Wow." "To people like us it sounds exotic." " Ah, it has its merits." "I mean, how else do you get to meet Saddam Hussein on the opening night party of Coppelia at Egypt's National Theater?" " Really?" " He was the fucking guest of honor, 1989 two years before the whole Gulf thing but I already knew he was an asshole." " And you shook his hand?" " Honey, as I was going up to him" "I secretly spit in my hand, and then I smeared the saliva around my palm." "Then, I shook his hand." " Did he notice?" " All I know is we looked each other in the eye and I lingered there, my hand in his, just long enough to make sure that he knew that either I was excited to meet him or there was something else was going on." "Oh, God, I hope I'm not offending some hidden Iraqi-nationalist sensibility." " I actually have a very good Iraqi friend." " Oh, don't we all." "Well, here we are!" "My little slice of pie!" "This I call my cozy dingy room." "But come through here." " Oh, what gorgeous wood floors." "I love the drapes." " Oh, they're crap." "I've had 'em for 30 years." "I look at them I start to cry." " I'm sorry." " Oh, don't be sorry." "I cry all the time." "Okay, guys, coats off." "Now, do you want the grand tour?" " Sure." " Ah, actually you know there is no grand tour." "My room is a sty." "Do people still say that?" " Sty?" " Sure." " As in pigsty?" " Sure." " Well, I would hope so because my family is comprised of pig farmers and they'd be very depressed to learn the word had been eradicated from the lexicon." "I'm gonna put these in the bedroom." " Oh, it's so spacious!" "  It's ginormous and I pay nothing." "I pay $975, and that's after 4 years." " It's amazing." " It's amazing." "So drinks." "Mike, IW?" " Uh, sure." " Good." "Lisa, I'm gonna switch you to a Chilean Merlot." " Good." "Because the other choice is a Pinot I bought for 6 bucks which will literally cause internal bleeding." "I don't know what I was thinking!" " What?" "Will you stop?" "Patience." " I'm patient." "Just..." " No, you're not." "  Mike, I can probably run and get some party mix." " Oh, my God." "Uh, I think I'm all partied out." "Thank you." " Yeah, of course, you are." " Ohhh." " Hey." " Thank you." " Wow." " Here, you guys." " Cheers." " Cheers." " Cheers." " Cheers." " Mm." " So should, uh, we keep going?" "  We're going." "Mike likes to get to the core of things." " I know the type." "Curious." " I just really like dance talk." " Oh, uh, okay." "Well, uh, park yourself, and, uh, you ask away." " Well, I..." "I guess I'd like to know what it was like when you were starting out in the 60s uh, compared to what you see of kids today as a teacher." " Well, Lisa, Mike" "I mean, it... it's like having kids." "Do you have kids?" " Uh, no, actually." " Oh, that's a shame." " Well, hopefully one of these days." " Ah-ha." "I heard that." "Mike, did you hear that?" "I heard that!" " I..." "I did..." "I did not hear that." " Well, you can just listen to the tape!" "Ah, the point is, teachers affect eternity." "You know, knees blow out, Achilles snap but once you learn to free the mind from its limitations then you have tapped into the grandeur that is the human spirit." "And that is why I teach." " And how does one actually do that?" " Through rigor." "It's about the rigor, Lisa." "Not the tits and ass." "I tell my kids every day." "You can't go out there tomorrow unless you bake the cake today." "35 minutes of leg lifts every God damn morning." "You can't do it without the rigor, Mike." " Rigor is good." "  Rigor is good." "And when they get that you don't need the SO's." " What?" " The standing ovations." "All you need... is that look in your pupil's eye when she first nails successive grand pirouettes." "It's truly all you need" "God, have I broken that thing yet?" " Not at all." " Mike?" " Uh... still going." " No, this is... this is really great." " Could you talk about what it was like in, uh, the 60s?" " Ooh." "He asks questions, too?" " I'm just curious." "Like when you were first breaking in in the 60s." "  Well, in so many ways that was the springtime of my life!" "Mike, you'll understand." "The camaraderie, huh?" "The sense of tasting life on one's lips like a tomato on the vine." "Mwa!" "And you know, Lisa it was a horizon for dance as well." "Here." " Can you speak a little more about that camaraderie?" " More about the camaraderie?" " I think what Mike means is that I'm writing about the sense of a dance community and how maybe it's not as strong as it was back then." " Oh, I see." "Well, having spent most of the last 50 years in dance communities, I can say, my dear, there are drawbacks." "I mean, the amount of blatant, rampant, mean-spirited fucking that goes on in dance companies." "I mean, it's frankly astounding." " Can you tell us more about the fucking?" " You wanna know more about the fucking?" " Yeah." " You know for the strong, silent type your husband is really rather inquisitive." " He's very good at helping me hone the gist of my questions." " I can see that." "So, Mike, you wanna hear about the fucking, do you?" " Yeah." " Well." "In that case, I'm gonna have to loosen up the memory glands." " Huh?" " Look, I'm just gonna put this out there uh, because, uh, the tape has made me so nervous." "Oh, what the hell." "Do either of you indulge in the quaint eccentricities of marijuana?" " Do we.." " Smoke pot?" "Pot?" "P-O-T." "Pot." " Honey." " What?" " Do we smoke pot?" " Sure." " Ha!" "I had a hunch." "Some people do and some don't and I can always tell the difference." "Anyway it seems like a good idea because you are now asking me questions" "I have not thought about for decades!" "Hey, come on, come on in here." " Stop this." " And it just so happens that I have this very good Danish hash." " Are those seashells?" " Uh, no, they're my fingernails." " You keep your fingernails?" " Yeah." "I know it's kind of weird, but, um, you know" "I'm sentimental and it's just kind of comforting to hold onto those little guys." "It's kind of a epithelial history of who I am up to now." "Anyway, this hash is from Christiania in Copenhagen, where the Eskimos and the hippies all live doing street theater and smoking this mind-blowing hash." "Which I have diluted because I need to jog my memory not to gallop it to the madhouse." "Know what I mean?" "Okay, Mike, why don't you do the honors?" " Uh, I think you should start us off." " I completely understand." "All you need is little puffs." " You sure you know what you're doing?" " Yes, of course... of course, she does, Mike." "You leave her alone." " Just do it, Mike." "It's fun." " Yeah." "  That a boy, Mike." " Yeah, Mike." " Yeah." "Now, come on, exhale out the window." "Yeah." " You okay?" " You okay?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "Alright." "So where were we?" " Hmm." "Backstabbing dancers." "Yes!" "Theywillsteal your audition slot they'll break your toes, they'll fuck the accompanist if it means that they get a shot at being a soloist." "I mean, my wife, even my own wife." "Oh, God, this story breaks my heart!" "My beautiful, voluptuous wife, Leanna." "Hey, Mike, here." "Party mix." "Leanna and I, we were friends with this hairy Bulgarian called Brogdan." "And, uh.." "He was a taxidermist?" "No, no." "What's the word?" "He was a furrier, fucking furrier." "And he was this big guy, kind of good looking I guess." "I don't have any idea anymore." "Anyway he was married to one of my instructors" "Georgette Yalah, who was an ice bitch but, oh, God I would've loved to have tasted her gelato." "Anyway.." "Unbeknownst to me Brogdan, the furry furrier was fucking my wife, Leanna." "God!" "That's the reason that we divorced." "All because of this horrible, hairy, backstabbing Bulgarian who was nailing my wife although I wasn't nailing his!" " You had a wife?" "  Yeah, sure I had a wife." "Leanna Herrera, from Madrid." "I met her in Lyons, then I staffed her in Geneva." "Oh, God, that sounds so sexual, "I staffed her in Geneva."" " How long were you married?" " Oh, we had four and a half good years before she banged Brogdan." "Hey, come here." " What?" " Look." "See that guy up there?" "  Yeah." " Well, he's always looking down here hoping to catch me naked." "It's really quite sad." " It's creepy." " No, it's life." " You see, I would never get divorced." " Oh, God, you should try it." "It saves lots of time." " Nope." " Well.." "Suppose, eh, just suppose your marriage really wasn't working." " I'd make it work." "When you fall in love with someone, that's what you're supposed to do." "It's your job." " Mike?" " Yeah?" " You okay?" " I'm fine." " How's the hash treating you?" " It's, uh... it's fine." "  You should take larger puffs." "I know I said not to." "But I think you're taking this a little too seriously." " Maybe." " Hey, Lisa." " How's the hash?" " It's really quite satisfying." " And... and I love satisfying people." "Except for that pervert across the way there." "So.." "Mike... what is it you do?" " I'm a cop." "Jesus fucking Christ!" " Seattle Police Department." " Aren't you guys always on duty?" " We arrest at our own discretion." " Well, then definitely take bigger puffs." " Alright." "  Do you like being a cop, Mike?" " It's alright." " What's your favorite part?" "Certitude." "  Eh?" " The certitude." "Knowing that there are consequences to our actions." "You know the, uh, Chaos Theory?" "That everything tends toward shit?" " Sure." " My job is to fight that." "To stand there.." "With our little swords and we... and we keep the bullshit at bay." " I've never heard you describe it that way." " Yeah, well." "How about you tell us more about the sexual atmosphere when you first got to New York." " Your husband seems seriously obsessed with sex in the 60s." "  One of things I did wanna ask you about is the sexual atmosphere in the 60s and the liberated community that you were part of creating." " Well, for me, personally the 60s were great years." " Oh, in... in what way?" " Well, growing up in Maine my youth was spent yearning for something more... doubtful, you know." "Because there is no doubt on a pig farm no sense of the world being a.." " Gray." "Gray area." "Yeah." " Yeah, gray area." "A continuum of thought, and feeling and sexuality." "All there is is... certitude." "Now granted.." " Are you gay, Mr. Powell?" " I'm sorry?" " Are you gay?" " Gay?" " I mean, it's pretty obvious, right?" "You're a homosexual." " Uh, what does that got to do with.." " Nothing." " Mike, Tobi has... has let us into his home and is doing us a favor to answer these questions." " Alright." " Part of my research, Tobi, uh.." "Concerns the role of sexuality in..." "in classical dance." "Such as the traditional male role in the... in the romantic pas de deux." " Uh-huh." " So I..." "I think what... what Mike is asking in his own... blunt way is were you ever constrained in terms of sexual role playing?" " Never!" " Were you gay in 1967?" " Mike!" " Were you?" " I wasn't born yet." "  Oh, I see." "Is there some sort of fetish you have with male sexuality prior to your existence?" " Yeah." "I have a fetish." " Well, you know I think you should not get too hung up on it because in your own, insecure way you're a fairly virile-looking man who should be concentrating on satisfying his beautiful wife not on backstabbing dancer-sex" "during the reign of Lyndon Baines Johnson." " I'm gonna get myself another bourbon?" "Is that okay?" " By all means... sweetie." " You'll have to excuse him." "  Oh, don't worry." "I once had issues, too." " You know... we actually came across a woman who also studied with Joseph White during that time who kept emphasizing how the artistic community was truly a reflection of the ongoing social upheaval." " Absolutely." " And how liberating a time it was." " Well, speaking personally I tended to fuck anything that moved back then, but whether that was liberated or.." " Right." "You... you'd say you had a lot of different partners?" " Oh, yes, of course and not to say there weren't hurt feelings but it was a time of great unleashing." "The walls were tumbling down." " Indeed." " But now I'm curious to know who this woman you talked to was?" " Uh, her... her name was, uh, uh, Gloria Rinaldi." " Gloria Rinaldi?" " Yes." " Well, absolutely I remember Gloria Rinaldi." " You do?" " Yes." "Absolutely." " Well, what do you remember?" " What do I remember?" "Oh, God." "I haven't seen Gloria Rinaldi for, oh, more than 40 years." " But you knew her?" "  Yes, she was a part of our community." " Did you know her well?" " We all knew each other well back then." "I mean, she was one of several pretty intense relationships if you include Helena Buskava, Rolf Chavez..." " Were you sleeping with her?" " How many times do I have to soothe your worried, sex-obsessed brow?" "Everyone was sleeping with everyone!" "Yes, I slept with Gloria Rinaldi." "We exhausted ourselves with sex!" "That woman had more basic positions than Baryshnikov!" " And you liked that?" " You know, I've read about people like you" " Oh, yeah?" "What've you read?" " Well, let's just say I have read enough to know that I'm probably not into whatever you're into." " Oh, you have no idea what I'm into." " So tell me, what are you into, Mike?" " Discipline." " Then, we have something in common after all." "Anyway..." "I don't think that Gloria continued with dance." " No." " Oh, well, she was lucky because it was all downhill from then on." "But how in the world did you come across Gloria Rinaldi?" " Uh, uh, her... her name was in the archival material from Joseph White's teaching days." " Uh-huh." "Was mine?" " Of course." " So you only knew her for a short amount of time?" " A month or two, before I left for Caracas." " I..." "I know it was quite a long time ago, Tobias..." " Tobi." " Tobi, but I'm wondering if you can remember which months those were." "That... that you and Gloria were seeing each other." " Which months?" " Yes." "I mean, was it in the... the fall, or the spring, or... or during the holidays?" " Why're you asking me this?" " I'm sorry?" " Why are you asking me these questions?" " I'm... for the dissertation." " Why?" " Because I..." "I'm just trying to pinpoint the dates when this community was really burgeoning." " Which community?" " The community of dancers we've been talking about." " Yeah, but what has this got to do with Gloria Rinaldi and me?" " Could you just answer the question, Tobi, if you would please." "  Did you ask her?" " We did." " And?" " She said that you two were involved for five weeks in the fall of 1967." " I'm afraid I'm becoming uncomfortable with this interview." " Can you just tell us whether or not those are the dates you remember regarding your acquaintance with Gloria Rinaldi." " My acquaintance?" "  Involvement." " Actually no, Mike, I don't recall." " I don't believe you." "  You don't believe me?" " You stop repeating what I'm saying and just answer the question please." " Mike." " No, I'm gonna ask the questions now." " Maybe you should just go back and re-interview her." " She's dead." "She died two years ago." " Oh, dear." "How did she die?" " Bone cancer." " Your name isn't Mike Davis, is it?" "Is it Mike Rinaldi?" "Ah, it is, isn't it?" "And you think.." "  My husband never knew his father." "Before Gloria died she told us that it could have been one of several men with whom she was involved at the time." "She told us about the community about the sense of liberation, about you." "So.." " So you're not really writing a dissertation?" " No." " No." "Then I think you should leave right now." " We're not going anywhere until you answer our questions." " I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that's not it." "Get your coats." "You're leaving now." " Bullshit!" " Excuse me, young man!" "You have absolutely no right to enter here under false pretenses and try to trick me into admitting something that I know 110% for sure never happened!" " What, now you're saying you never slept with her?" " Yes, of course, I slept with her." " So tell me when!" " I..." "I told you it was sometime before I joined Nacional de Caracas." " Okay, fine, good, so then let's pinpoint some of those dates." " There is no point, my dear." " Why?" " Because there is no way I am the man who made Gloria Rinaldi pregnant!" " How do you know?" "  Because I always used protection!" "I never engaged in sexual acts without protection." " Oh, come on, you were just bragging about how you fucked to the point of exhaustion!" " I fucked to exhaustion with a condom!" " Every time?" " Every single time, young man." "And don't you forget it." "That is the same discipline I instill into my students." ""I don't care what you did last night just make sure you're at the barre ten minutes prior to the start of each class!" "Back up, ribs closed, knees straight, thighs out!"" " What the fuck is he talking about?" " Listen, Michael, Mike." "Michael, I..." "I am so sorry your mother passed on." "She was a lovely, intelligent, passionate woman." " She was a secretary!" " What?" "  She got pregnant in 1967 and she quit dancing to raise her child by herself because some faggot knocked her up." " Okay, leave now." "I'm, uh, opening the door." " Mike, you have to calm down." " Okay." " You know, at the risk of giving offense" "I was not the only man that she was with." "She herself admitted that she was caught up in the liberating atmosphere, and if I thought I'm sure" "I could come up with the names of some of the young men she liberated herself with." " Don't you fucking talk like that, asshole!" " Stop!" "Stop!" "Stop, okay?" " Here's the thing, Tobi." "Before she died Gloria told us that during the two weeks in mid-November of '67 when she calculated her pregnancy to have begun, there were only two men you and a man named Dimitri Caldori." " She was sleeping with Dimitri?" " You knew him?" " Yes, of course, but he and I were.." " Unbelievable." " The point is, she believed it was either you or him." " Well, then, I suggest you go and talk to Dimitri" " Dimitri's dead." " Dimitri Caldori is dead?" " He was hit by a car in Moscow in 1991." " Jesus H. What has become of us?" "Well, I'm quite sure Dimitri is your man." " No, she was convinced it was you." "  She was?" " Yes." " Well, I am sorry, but as much as I appreciated your mother" "I would never have made love to her in a careless fashion and pardon the honesty, but I mean that in every sense of the term." " Then take a test." "I'm sure you'd be willing to submit your DNA." "Very easy thing to do." " We were hoping that if you were willing and the situation was still unclear, that maybe you would." " No, actually, I wouldn't." "I won't." " Why not?" " Because I'm a grown man who knows the life I've led and it is beneath my dignity, quite frankly, to sample myself to a complete stranger who enters my apartment disingenuously and accuses me of a paternity the logistics of which are impossible." " Take the fucking test!" " No!" " Yes!" " It would really mean a lot to us." " Why on earth didn't you ask all this right off?" " We weren't sure that you'd talk to us." "And then we wanted you to admit it on your own." " There's nothing to admit, my dear." "It's not me!" " Are you saying that you didn't know that Gloria Rinaldi was pregnant in the fall of 1967?" "  Did I know?" " Yes." " Yes." "I maybe perhaps have heard something." " She never contacted you?" "  What?" " Did she contact you?" " Yes, she did." "  And?" " She said she was pregnant." " Did she say it was yours?" " She said there was a slim chance that it might be mine." " And?" " And that she wasn't sure whether she wanted to keep it." " Me." " Yes, you." "Keep you." " Did she ask you to be my father?" " She said that she was very seriously considering keeping... you, and, uh, she realized that that would potentially jeopardize her dance career but she was prepared for that and I think she wanted to know if I was interested in being a full-time father." " To which you said?" "  To which I said no." "But, Michael, the reason I said no was that" "I didn't think I was the cause of your existence." " Even though she was saying you were." " She said she thought I might be!" " Do you think she called Dimitri?" " I have no idea." "  She didn't." "She called you!" " Yes, she called me." " And you didn't feel like believing her?" " I was 22 years old!" " So you just blew the whole thing off?" " I was on the verge of a career!" " Take the test." " No." "  Yes." " Enough, Michael." "What could you possibly want from me at this point anyway?" " I want you to take responsibility." " Alright, Mike, look around, hey." "This... is all I've got!" "Furniture handed down to me by my pig farmer brothers." "I have $18,000 in the bank." "If you want something, take the TV because that's as good as it gets!" " Admit it!" " It's not me!" " You listen to me." "She was a secretary while you flitted around the world in your fucking tights!" "Do you know what that's like?" "To watch your mom make coffee for a living 'cause no one's there to help her?" "'Cause some asshole was too self-centered to take responsibility for his fucking fuck habits!" "People like you, you sicken me." "Because all you care about is yourself." "And even as an old man, your son comes to you and asks you not for a TV but for some kind of acknowledgement, for s.." "Please." " We have to go home now, honey." "This is not why we came here." "Mike?" "I'm so sorry." "What... what are you doing?" " I am getting some fucking buccal cells." " What are you talking about?" "Mike, what are you.." "Mike!" " Get off me!" " Mike!" " Get off me, Lisa!" " You fucking psycho!" "Fucking... ow!" " Mike!" " Let me go!" " Get off me!" " You're gonna hurt him!" "Mike, let him go!" "Mike, stop!" " Get off me!" "  Open your mouth!" " Oh, God!" " You were supposed to just ask him." " I did!" " What if he's your dad?" " He is!" " I'm calling the police." " Put on your coat." " No." " Put on your fucking coat!" " Fine." " Tobi?" "I am so sorry." " It says here to take the GW Bridge." " As opposed to swimming across?" " I'm just saying." " And I'm just saying I already know that." " It wasn't supposed to be like this." "I, I just need you to know that." "I'm gonna go now." "  Would you like some prune pastry?" " Okay." " It's rare that I get to eat prune pastries with someone who helped orally violate me just a short time earlier." "But such is the diversity of life." " I swept up your fingernails." "But I.." "I didn't throw them away because I wasn't sure if you still wanted them." " Thank you." " I had no idea he was gonna do that." "  No?" "  I swear." "We were just gonna ask you a bunch of questions to catch you off guard in some kind of interrogation tactic he knows." "I swear to you, I'm, I'm so sorry." " Where do you think he is now?" "  He knows a guy at a police lab in Jersey." "If it was unclear, we were gonna ask you to go there with us tomorrow to do a test." " He is certainly very determined." " He's such a fucking jerk, you know, I can't stand it." " Hey, I was having a slow week anyway." " No, he's such an asshole." "He can't expect me to watch him do that kind of thing!" " Come on, Lisa." "Chin up, knees straight." "Give me that." "Breathe deep." "There you go." "One more." "Attagirl." "Talk to me, Lisa." "Tell me something." "Tell me about yourself." "What do you do?" "Other than your make believe dissertation?" " I work for a frozen foods distribution company." " Oh, my!" "And how long have you been married to psycho man?" " Uh... eight years." " That must be nice." "When was the last time you had sex?" " Seven months ago." " Had a hunch." " He's a workaholic, you know." " So was Kurt Waldheim." "Seven months?" " Ah." "This is not who I was meant to be." "I, I'm not some.." "That's it, it was so different when we got married." "I was working at this little bookstore and I had goals, you know." "And we were so excited to have kids." "And then it changed." "I can't even tell you how." "And then one day he tells me.." ""I can't do it." He said he didn't ever want to be a father." "That he literally didn't know how." "And this was not the man I fell in love with." "When we first met, he said he wanted to have five kids." "So... that uh.." "Led to years of becoming different than who we had been." "And finally I said I would divorce him if he didn't try to find you." "That's when I came up with this whole stupid plan." " Oh, come on, all queer old ballet teachers love to get swabbed in their apartment." "We find it ever so intimate." " You know, last month he was.." "Suspended for use of excessive force." " How surprising." "What did he do?" " He arrested some small time drug dealer and beat the shit out of him." "For no apparent reason." " What sort of dealer?" " Hash." " For how long was Gloria sick?" " 14 months." "And he spent every waking hour nursing her." "But finally, towards the very end, I was the one who asked." "I asked if she knew who his father was." "I don't think Mike ever even asked." " What did she say?" " She said to come find you." " So you haven't had sex for seven months?" " Was that too much information?" " No." "I love that sort of information." "I mean not that specific kind, but I love sex information." "I find it so sexy." " We had a very good sex life." "We used to, you know, his issues sort of made things... exciting." "And then at some point, he just internalized everything." "And the charm went away and..." "I don't know he started drinking, hating dancers." " He hates dancers?" " He blames the whole profession for his never having had a Dad" " That's a lot of pressure to put on people who have enough trouble counting to eight." " So, is he a nice guy?" " He wouldn't be my first choice." " Well, fate is a funny thing." "Funny, funny, funny." "And it's all right here." "At the end of this swab." "Keep your cell phone on, Mike." "I can probably flip this fairly quick." " Okay." " I can't remember the last time I had sex." " Really?" "  Mon Dieu, it's ludicrous." " I wouldn't have thought that." " Well, I don't fuck my students." "Which is the natural course for old farts like me." "All teachers at a certain age, they fuck their students, but not me." " But I knit." " You do?" " Oh, yeah." "I knit like hell." " Really?" "Yeah." "You want to see my sweaters?" " Absolutely." " Come on." " Okay." " Do you knit?" " No, I'm afraid not." " Is that some sort of pun?" " No." " So, I am primarily a slip-stitcher." "  Qu'est ce que tu en pense?" " Oh, it's beautiful." " Eh, it's nothing." "I did it in a week." "Now this is higher grade." "I made this is for my sister-in-law in Maine." "And I call it "Butterflies On Crack."" "It's cut in fair-isle, double-hem it's subtle but it's kind of complicated." " I need to get a hobby." " Knit!" "There's nothing like holding a big fat needle." "Now, this I made for my eldest brother's oldest son who is a punk but he's very sweet." "Uh, see this Swedish zigzag." "It's very punky, but the bright colors they indicate a hopeful future." " That's pretty perceptive, Tobi." " It took a week and a half and I was mostly stoned." "Now, this... ta-da!" " That's amazing." "  Tutti-frutti!" "I made this for my mother." "Which uh, is strange because this is kind of a frightening sweater." "And I thought maybe she was too old for it, uh which proved to be true because she died before I finished." " Oh... she would've loved it." " I want you to take it." " I..." "I couldn't." "  Yeah, of course you could, you will." " No." " Look, I have no use for it." "And I want you to have it because you haven't had sex for seven months and that is a scary concept." " True, but I can't take your beautiful sweater." "  Don't insult me, it's a gem." "Corrugated ribbing!" "You should take it." "I tell you, when not getting laid, knitting is the way to go." "I sit here, I watch my soaps, I smoke a joint." "And I take this shit seriously." " You are very different from anyone I have ever met, Tobi." " I should show you something else." "This is a book about fencing in America." "It's called, "Fencing in America."" "It's a very creative title." "There's an article from the Herald Tribune, 1986." "I, uh, apparently, it was published in the New York Times and the Tribune picked it up which is how I came to read it while I was living in Geneva." " That... that's Mike." "  Yeah." "He was the number 12 fencer in the United States." " Yeah, I know." "  Mike Rinaldi, Shillington, PA." "Which is where I knew that Gloria had gone to live after she left New York." " So, you're saying that..." " Yeah, I'm saying that Michael is my son." " I don't understand." " Gloria contacted me just before I left for Caracas and she told me she was pregnant." "She said she knew the night that it happened, the night we'd gone up to Harlem to hear Johnny Hartman." "And I knew she was right because..." "I hadn't used a condom that night." "And she wanted to know if I would be a father to my child." "And I said no." "Because I was about to join Ballet Nacional de Caracas." "And I was gonna have a career that I had dreamed about since I was six." "And she said well, she was gonna go ahead with it anyway." "And I wished her luck." " Was that the last time you spoke with her?" " No." "She called me right after Michael was born." "And she asked me if I would reconsider." "She said she had found an idyllic, I remember, that was the word she used an idyllic little town in Pennsylvania to raise her son" "And she asked if I would be a presence in his life." "And I again said no." "And she wrote me." "She said she understood, but would I please not contact her, or her child ever again." " Did you respect her wishes?" "  No." "Seventeen years later, when I saw that article that Mike was only gonna receive a partial scholarship and might not go to college, I contacted Gloria." "I wrote a letter." "Uh, containing a $15,000 check." "Saying that I'd like to contribute to his uh, college fund." " Did you hear back?" " Yeah." "A postcard." "Two words." ""Thank you."" "Which I completely understood." " $15,000 is a lot of money, Tobi." " I got to go to Caracas." "And I thought, that Mike should at least get to college." " Did... did she ever tell him where the money came from?" " Well, if she did, he has a very funny way of showing his appreciation." "Would you like to go up on the roof?" " Sure." "Why?" " Because it's very beautiful." "Come on." " Wow." "It's gorgeous." " I try and come up here at least once a week.." "No matter the weather." "Kind of a spiritual tic-tac." " Why did you tell us it was Dimitri?" "When you knew it was you?" " Because I'm ashamed." "And because you ambushed me." "And because Mike..." "Mike came looking for a father figure it's too late for that." "He wants to kill me, not forge a relationship." " He's confused." " No, he's psychotic." "He came looking for.." "Whatever it is that macho guys without fathers look for." "Not a faggot dancer." "Nothing good would've come from an admission." "And I'm really sorry, because.." "I cannot describe to you the number of times I wish I had done it differently." "But you can't restore what was never there." "Lots of people don't have fathers but they don't all turn into psycho homophobes." "Well, some do, yeah.." "What Mike has to do is not take it out on you because you are the one person he knows still loves him." "But you're letting him treat you like shit because he's mad at me and..." "Lisa, that's not good." " I know." "I really, really thought this would fix it." " You can't show up on the northern tip of Manhattan and hope to fix a 45 year old mistake." " Was it.." "A mistake?" " In not being Mike's father?" "I don't know." "I love my life." "I regret my life." "The lines eventually blur and it's just my life." "Hey... you dance?" " Me?" "No." " Come on." " Oh, no." "Really I can't." " Of course you can, everybody can dance." " Come on, I'll teach you." " No really." "I don't want too." "I'm sorry." " Second position, upper body." "I sometimes have my kids stand like this for ten minutes in complete silence." "I tell them to let the world move through them it's strength, it's power, it's love." "It's very new age, but it works." "And we just stay there like this." "With it all draining away." "The hideous breakfast, the fight with the boyfriend the perverted uncle, the broken expectations." "The sadness which is everywhere.." "Sometimes." "And we stand there." "And let go." "And I swear to God, it all goes away." " Will you try?" " I don't think I can." "Why not?" " If I..." "let go, everything will break." " Come on..." "let's go down before the pigeons begin their nightly bowel movements." " Thank you." " Is that from the psycho homophobe?" " Yeah." "He's back from the lab." "He wants to know where I am." " You want something to eat?" " Sure." "  Organic turkey meatballs." "  Mm." "From the Bronx." "The free rangey part of the Bronx." "These turkeys have never even witnessed violence." "On the subject of sex." "I haven't touched another human being in almost six years." "I mean, truly touched, you know?" "Six years without so much as a lily-scented hand drawn lightly across my fevered brow." "Either gender." "God, I used to like to perform cunnilingus." "Sorry." "Too much information." " Uh... no." "  I was actually quite good at it." "A little like the slip stitch knitting that I would later take up... over and under" "mark thumb placement in the gap between needles break yarn, thread tail, draw up, fasten off." " Cheers." " Cheers." "What about you?" " Uh, cunnilingus?" "  Mm-hmm." "Yeah." " Uh, I like it very much." "Or I liked it." "When I used to have it." "Have it done?" "Get it?" " Receive it." "  Yes." " With delicate grace." " Yes." " Well, it's one of nature's little gifts." "Even for the applicator, the giver, if you will." "Because it is a joy to bestow, it truly is." " I would imagine." " You should do more than imagine." "But then of course we wouldn't want Mike to arrest you for being a lesbo." " No." " Yeah." "Alright, look." "This is none of my business, but it seems to me that you are stuck in a marriage which is in dire need of.." "Some cunnilingus." "And if your husband isn't at a point where he is able to provide it, then I think you should find someone who is." "And I'm not saying me." "No, not at all." "Not to say that I couldn't, or that I wouldn't." " I.." "  All I'm saying, in my rather clumsy way, is don't stay stuck, Lisa." "Life was never meant to be lived in a rut." "You're young, you're beautiful." "You're smart." "Don't give up." "  I've offended you." " No." "It just catches me a bit off guard." "Well." "Most good cunnilingus conversations do." " I suppose so." " Anyway." "Forgive me." "I shouldn't have brought it up." " Ah, no." "Tobi?" " There you go, Lisa." "There you go." "Yeah." "Let it all go." "You're not gonna break." "I think, I'll... just go and knit." "It's a kind of post coital thing with me." " Who is it?" "  Mike." "  What do you want?" " I want my wife." " How do you know I didn't call the police and she's already at Riker's Island." " Open the door, Tobi!" " If you wanted my DNA why didn't you take the fingernails?" "  They don't have nuclei!" "Just open the door." " Fuck you!" " I don't think I can see him right now." " You okay?" " Yeah." " Where is he?" " Bedroom." " I'd like to wait back at the hotel." " Why?" " I really don't wanna be here." " Can't we just go?" " Not until you apologize to him." " Have you been crying?" " No." "  Yeah, you have." " I..." "I haven't." " Why you back away from me?" " Because I don't want you near me." " Why?" " Because." " Tobi." "Tobi." " Mike... come and sit down." " Why is she crying?" " It's none of your business." " Bullshit." " I wanna know what happened." " Don't talk to her like that." " Will you shut up!" " This is not why we came here." " No, coming here was a stupid idea." " Coming here was to help us." "Not to pin him down and scrape his cheek!" " It's no worse than what he did." " Will you please talk to him?" " Mike, listen..." " No, I wanna know what you were doing!" " We were dancing, Mike." "I was teaching her to dance." "I think you should calm yourself." " And I told you to shut up." " Shut up, you old withered..." " Enough." "You are gonna end up with nothing." "If you keep going like this, I promise you you will lose everything that matters." " Really..." " Don't get near her, Mike!" "You don't take another one fucking step near her!" "Now you better get your act together, young man." "I don't know what it was you came here looking for but you're not gonna get it by threatening your wife." "Now if you want something from me, you look me in the fucking eye and you ask for it." " What was that?" "Your version of being a dad?" " No." "That was someone telling you not to threaten your wife." " Was that a father talking to a son?" "Or a dancer talking to a stranger?" " It was a dancer talking to a stranger which is what we are, Mike." "We're strangers." "That's just a fact." " Can I speak to you in private, please?" " Why?" " I wanna tell you something." "The only reason we're strangers is because that's the way you wanted it." "Right up to this second." "I think you've known you're my Dad all along." "You just didn't wanna think about it." "'Cause it was easier." "Until I come along like some asshole." "You want me to ask you for what I want, Tobi?" "I have been." "I have." " But it's not reality, Mike." "No matter what happened, you can't stand here and tell me I have an obligation." " Of course I can." " No!" "Not now, not then." "Your mother lived the life she chose." "Like me." "She chose." " How could she not have chosen?" "With an abortion?" "'Cause that's not an option." "Not the way she was raised and not back then and not because it was con..." "convenient for you." "She didn't choose to raise me alone." "She had to." "And the thing is, it doesn't take that much." "All you gotta do is call a kid every now and then." "Rub his hair a little and tell him you love him." "But you, you couldn't even do that." "Right up to today." "You couldn't even look me in the eye." " Mike, I could look you in the eye for ten years straight." "But you're the one who has to fix what's broken." "I can't help you." "I'm sorry, Mike, I can't." " Thing is, I could kill you." "You know I could kill you right now and no one would know the difference." "I could ring your neck and you'd be here for days laying on the floor." "And no one would miss you." "Because that's the life you chose." "No one loves you, Tobi." "No one." " I'm sorry." " I know." "I'm just fucked." "That's all I am." "Always." "Can we go?" "I don't know what I'm doing here." " No." "We can't leave now." " He's just a guy living in an apartment." "Hey..." "I'm sure you had your reasons." "I wish you luck." "I'm sorry, I called you a faggot." " Tobi." "This can't wait anymore." "Mike!" "Mike!" "Come on, just wait for a second." "Okay." "  Mike!" " Just hold on." " I uh..." "I just wanted to say.." "Uh, well, goodbye." "I um.." "When do you leave for Seattle?" " Tomorrow afternoon." " Uh-huh, flying?" " Uh, Yep." " Yeah, stupid question." "What did I think, you're gonna jete across." "And uh, you start work on Monday." " Uh." "I got suspended." "Pending an investigation." "I lost control of my temper." " I'm sorry to hear that." "It's a funny thing about control." "It's such a key ingredient in dance but you can't really teach it." "All you can do is instill the kids with discipline in the hope that that inspires self-control." "Because the way to set kids free is to batten down the hatches." "And if I was put on this earth for any reason, it was to set kids free." "And I'm really sorry, Mike..." "that I couldn't do that for you." "With you." "Set you free." "Because it's my loss." "This is uh, an article, oh, from about 25 years ago." "It's about you." "When I first read it, I really didn't have an emotional response." "And then later when I was shopping for a book on fencing.." "I started weeping." "Right there in the middle of a downtown Geneva book store that is really a societal faux pas over there." "I've known, Mike." "From day one." "But I still can't make it up to you." "All I can do is be here, you know?" "If you... need.." "Hey, maybe I can be a grandfather." "Scary thought." "I mean, if it's not too late for, uh.." "Because I think you're a good kid, Michael." "I really, really think you are a good kid." " Thanks." "Thanks for sharing this with me." " You're welcome." "Would you like to come to brunch tomorrow?" "Maybe on your way to the airport." " Yeah." " I think it's.." " What?" " Nothing." " Um... it's that way." " Um." "Hello?" "Hey, Jim." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "Wow!" " So, here we are." " Um, we were coming over anyway, so we thought we would tell you in person." "It's not a match." " The samples... don't match." " Oh!" " Which is uh.." " Yeah." " Yeah, but I'm..." "I'm the one that accused you." " Don't worry about that, Mike." "  I do." " I mean I was such..." "  Mike, don't." "You know, uh.." "Life is a... funny bowl." "I uh... think I just need to get a little water." " Are you alright?" "Mike?" " Hey... you alright?" "You wanna go sit down?" " I'm fine." " You sure?" " Whoo!" "All good." "Comes with old age." " Do you want us to.." " You know, maybe it would be best if uh.." "I just had some time alone." " Oh.." " I'm sorry." " No." "  I just.." " No." "We understand." " I'll call you a car." "You know, it is good to get to the airport early these days." "So you can enjoy the pat downs." " Ah." " Okay." "Okay." "I asked him not to kill you." " Ah." "Thank you." " Well.." "I am very glad we met." " Me too." " Yeah." " Yeah." " Be well." "Be really well..." "Tobi." " You too." " Alright, Mike." " Tobi." " Hey, take care." "Take care." "Okay." "Just take care." " Thank you." " Oh, hi, Darryl, it's uh, Tobi." "Tobi Powell." "Yeah." "Good, thanks." "How are you?" "How's Woodstock?" "Well, I was wondering if, your offer still stood for the dinner party." "Maybe next weekend." "Oh, that would be great." "Well, I'll see you before that.."