"We're all in this together, yeah, lads?" "Together, yeah?" "Mates and that." " Mates?" " Mates, yeah." "Oh, shit!" "(bellows)" "(chatter)" "I am a businessman." "I am really going places." "This is a really optimistic time for me." "Experience is the thing, and, er..." "I've already got some." "Yeah, I've studied." "I've been on courses." "But there was nothing that they could teach me." "Things are coming together for me, and when I get the money together, I am out of here." "The way I see it, the future is computers, right?" "It's the internet, the information superhighway." "I should exploit that." "Things like internet cafés, that's what I want to do." "I want to work abroad, too." "I've inherited my father's business." "I am the boss." "The man in charge." "OK, so there's no staff or stock, but there's potential, if I sell." "If there's one thing that I've learned, one thing in all the time I've spent studying business, a business thrives on a good team." "Team management, team leadership, motivated, determined..." "Er, hello, everyone." "My name's Paul." " ... hard-working team players." " I'm Mark." "I'm a taxi driver and I've lost my driving licence for anything between 12 months and a year." " Great." " OK?" "Just..." " The bus didn't turn up." " I don't want to hear your excuses." "We're not interested." "There is your name." "Here is your clipboard with your information." "We are playing a game with this red ball to get to know who everybody is." "You'll pick it up as you go along." "OK, who is next?" "Jimmy." "Tell us about yourself." "Er... well, you already know my name." " Ow!" " I'm sorry, mate." "I'm Richard Stevens." "I'm in property." "My money is in... property." "And I can make the sale." "I can make the sale." " All I need is a buyer." " Good." "Well done." "Excellent." "I hope you're all feeling more relaxed now." "I certainly am." "You're looking very frightened, Paul." "Relax." "It's gonna be alright." "Why are we all here?" "Myself included." "Why are we all here now?" "Because you got in a car over the limit." "Because you went too far." "If you get in a car and you're over the limit, a lot of people in society would say that's tantamount to attempting murder." "How does that make you feel?" "Attempted murderers in a room." "We are all here because of this." "I don't drink whisky." "You can choose to go out and get absolutely bladdered." "That also is a choice, Paul." "I made the choice to be a socially responsible drinker." "It's the hardest choice there is, because every time you go out, you say, "Tonight, I'll have two units."" ""Tomorrow, I can have one." "Day after that, none." "I'm driving."" "Another choice you could make..." "a lot of "alcoholics"..." "Nasty word." "Sorry." "Promise not to use it again." "...alcoholics use the choice of abstinence." "Never drink again." "Difficult choice." "Erm..." "lunch time." "Yeah." "You have an hour." "There must be a fucking pub somewhere." "There's only 57 minutes left." "Are you all coming?" " Yeah." " Yeah." "I can't go." " No?" " Mind that dogshit, lads." " You don't want that on your shoes." " What are you in?" " What?" " What do you think of the course?" "It's boring." "It's like school." " I think he's gay." " He had a wedding ring." " Sometimes, they try to disguise it." " Do you know where we're going?" " Shit!" " Did you tread in it?" "A little bit, yeah." " I think it's that way." " I'm sure it's that way." " No, I think it's that way." " I'm sure it's that way." "I own a cab." "Lan?" " Yes, Richard?" " Erm..." "So what do we think of Stevens?" "A bloke like Richard Stevens on a course like this?" " With him having so much money." " He's bound to." "It reduces your sentence." "Stevens knows that." "He's doing the business." "It's business to him." "Everyone's trading." "I mean, that's how life works." "Everyone's selling something." "Anywhere and at any time." " Opportunity..." " Yeah..." "Opportunity is around us at all times." "A business meeting can take place anywhere." "Cocktails, lads." "They've got them on at half price here." "Right." "You're a student, aren't you?" " Student, yeah?" " Yeah." "Well, yeah, I study." "But I've got practical business-management skills, formed over a period of time running a business." "It's experience." " And I've some something to sell." " Like what?" "My dad ran this warehouse." "Distribution, supplying electrical equipment." "Yeah." "And?" "He didn't know one end of the business from the other." "He didn't move with the times." "Then he pops his clogs and leaves it to me." " Now..." " You must be depressed." "Yeah, totally." "Paul, you should see it." "It's got potential written through it." "It's a hot sale." "If I sell it, because I run the business, I'm minted." "But, yeah... really depressed since we lost him." " It took it out of me and my mum." " Erm..." "What is it exactly that you're selling?" "The empty shop." "The warehouse." "Oh, er... property." "Yeah." "Yeah, that's it." "Being a salesman is about selling yourself." "That's the deal." "In order to sell yourself, you have to have something to sell." "One, find that client." "Two, work him." "Three, work him again." "Four... work him even harder." "Five, sell him something." "Anything." "Be Alarmed was actually formed in 1984." "Say, for example, that an old lady's going down the road to buy her fish and chips for the night, and on her way home, some young thug, falling out of a pub, decides that he needs a bit more money" "to go and get a drink, and he attacks her, all she has to do is put her hand in her pocket and pull the pin." "Lan, it's not that I've lost my licence, I've lost my wheels." "And my mobility, my livelihood, depends on my being able to get from A to B." "Say that it's a bit like the ancient Samurai warrior wandering the lonely martial plains of Japan with only a sword in his hand and a code of honour in his heart" " to carry him through the darkness." " Shit!" "That's how it works." "And I'm pleased to say that since that time, 684,000 people in America have been alarmed." "Sorry I couldn't make it." "I am." "But with the current drink-driving laws being so fucking prejudiced and restrictive and the limits are ridiculously low," "I've had to spend the night in the fucking cells." "Did the police and magistrates want to listen to that?" "Daddy?" "Draw a picture of yourself the last time you thought you were having a really good time." " A portrait of yourself happy." " Can you have other people in it?" "Yeah, you can have other stickmen if you like." " It's a representation." " I see." "Well, that's very interesting, yeah." " The impression..." " Is that you?" "Yeah." "I don't want to waste ink, but that should be green." " Who's in the trolley?" " That's my mate Dave." "What would make you happier, do you think, in that situation, pushing Dave down the hill on a trolley?" "Pushing Dave downhill is better than pushing him up it." "I can imagine, yeah." "What have you got there, Tony?" "What's that?" "Are you in the picture?" " Er... no." "I'll start again if..." " OK." "There's other paper there if anybody needs it." "Kevin, what have you come up with?" "It's a tent, from when I went camping." " Yeah?" "Are you inside the tent?" " Yeah." "It's a womb." " Hm-hmm." " Yeah." "I figure I was happy there." "Erm..." "Seems I've always been trying to get back in there anyway, you know." "Er, yeah, I'm at the cinema watching a film." " Which one's you?" " That's me in the middle there." "There weren't many people in, so I could sit in the middle where I wanted." "That's a nice drawing." "The best one here." " Thanks." " Well done." "Thank you." "Paul." "What have you got for us?" "Er, this is actually the boss congratulating me in the pub, saying, "Well done, Paul, I'll get them in."" "And there's Mary waiting there as well, obviously..." " Mary's who?" " Mary's actually my wife." "Oh, right." "And Mary's offering you a drink as well." "Mary's bound to be there cos we're celebrating." "We've had a good week at work." "We've put the 60, 70 hours in." "You're having a drink, and you..." "And I do feel happy, yeah." "I do feel happy." "Well, that speaks volumes to me about where your heart is." "No, I mean..." "I'm dead into travelling, me." "You, erm... been anywhere good then?" "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, erm..." "I mean, what about you?" "Have you been anywhere good and that?" "Well, Thailand, like I said." "Just getting some money together at the moment, plan my next trip." "Same here, really." "I'm sort of doing a business deal at the moment and that, so..." "I'm trying to get some money to sort of go out there" " and maybe start my own business." " Really?" " Yeah." " Right." "For fuck's sake, concentrate!" "Did you hear what Richard Stevens said this morning?" "Did you hear him?" "It's too good to be true." "It's serendipity." "You can't ignore the signs." "You can never let a lead go cold, not if you're a salesman." "Never." "I've got it, you see." "Mark, your watch, please." "There." " That's my client." " Too easy." " Go on, sell that then." " OK, then, I will." "Watch and observe, Jimmy." "See this watch?" "I'll give you a tenner, you give me a fiver, you're a fiver better off." "I do believe this fiver is yours, Mark." "You know what they call me at work, Jimmy?" "Mr 15 Percent." "That watch had sentimental value." "You owe me 15 percent, Mark." "So get 'em in, it's your round." "Time at the bar, ladies and gentlemen!" "Let's play what's the fucking score." "How many units?" "Erm... it's three units a glass, that's 20 units." "(laughs)" "Jimmy?" "Jimmy?" "Me?" "30." "30 fucking units. (laughs)" "There'll be celebrating tonight with the missus." "She's going to get it fucking hard." "Oh shit, johnnies." "The wife." "Dirty, insatiable little rabbit." "It's all about fate and that." " What is?" " Visualisation." "We weren't talking about visualisation." "We were talking about making a sale." "You saw the way Paul sold that watch of mine." "He's a master of his own destiny." "You dream it." "You see it." "You have it." "And that is visualisation." "This is one of our machines." "No.105. Shouldn't give you any more trouble." "Do you, erm... know a lot about these johnnie machines?" "We do, like, a whole range and that." "You know, like, condoms, tampons." " It's a family business." " Is that straight?" "Family business johnnie machines?" "Is that the business you run?" "Fuck me!" "Have you two, er, finished in here yet?" "It's rubbish in there." "Everyone's fucked off." "We're on a course." "A business course for businessmen." "Paintballing, business theory, team-building, that sort of thing." "This shithole can handle the new custom." "Why are you working here?" "It's my mum's." "It's a summer job." "Pays for my holidays." " Got gypsy feet for travelling." " Oh, aye?" "Where's that then?" "Wherever the spirit takes me." "Asia, Australia, the Far East." "Right." "Where did you get that then?" "It's Thai." "For good luck." "Everyone wears 'em out there." "Oh." "Well, when you shag your missus tonight, you'll have Jimmy to thank." "Shit!" "They're fruit flavoured." "The wife's allergic." "She swells up and comes out in these sort of blotches all over." "Well, my name's Mark, and I'm a taxi driver." "I run the business with Dave." "Me and Dave basically drive around just looking for people who are flagging cabs down." "I sit in the front with a mobile phone." "It's called flying." "Dave likes to charge a little bit more than me." "Why am I here?" "Yeah." "Why are you here?" "Tell me." "Refresh my memory." "I'm not trying to be deep." "Why am I here?" "We'll get to that later." "People say they want to get out of the town they're from." "I used to think like that." "But since driving a cab, I've realised there's more to this place than meets the eye." "Shops, buildings, loads of back roads, alleyways, cherry trees, er... benches." "You notice things in a different way." "I would recommend to anyone to just drive around the town they're from." " It's nice round here, innit?" " It is nice here." "Once we picked up about three absolutely stunning women." "They were absolutely beautiful." "I thought, "Something'll happen."" "And we dropped them off where they wanted to go to and that was really good." "(door shuts)" "It's taken me bloody ages to sort through this lot." "Bloody ages." "Mum, what are you doing?" "All this stuff?" "It has to go, James." "I can't have it round here." "How's it going on that course?" "Well, it's the networking opportunity of a lifetime." "Do you remember, James?" "Do you remember how he used to quiz you?" "Number 73?" "Jukebox, diner model." "There's 30 left in stock." " 109?" " Cigarette machine." " Packs?" " Silk Cut, regular, mild." "Marlboro, regular, lights." "I told you, didn't I?" "I told you I'd make the sale." " Fuck off!" "Get out my car." " I will fuck off, right!" "Fuck that!" "We'll soon fucking see about that!" "Oh, yeah?" "Is that fucking right?" " Fuck off!" " Fuck you!" "Fuck you!" "What are you fucking laughing at?" "Go on, have him!" " Alright, Jimmy?" "Alright, Mark?" " Alright, Paul?" "How many of you guys have played paintball before?" "Well, today is really about just relaxing and having some fun, while we're put under pressure, while we're bonding with the other lads from the other course." "The twockers, the young deprived car thieves." "...make my day." "So it's a non-contact sport." "Keep your safety catches on till we're ready to go." " Can we smoke?" " No." "I might put a hole in it." "You nearly had his head off then." "That's the fight, out there." "Five, four, three, two, one." "Come on!" "Pincer manoeuvre, lads." "Pincer manoeuvre." "Come on, Paul." "(yelling)" "Concentrate, lads." "Pincer manoeuvre." "Don't you love the peace of the forest?" " Yeah." " It's beautiful, innit?" "You into cars, are you?" " Not into the car, but nicking 'em." " Oh, well." "You'll pack it in now that you're doing this though?" " Well, I'm meant to be, yeah." " Good lad." "There, finish that off." "Cheers, man." " Oi, watch it!" " You cheeky bastard." "Jimmy, can I ask you a favour?" "You've got camping equipment and you're not going anywhere." " What, you going camping?" " Hmm." "Well, no, not really." "To be honest with you, it's the missus." "She went mental." "She went completely berserk last night because I was a bit late and I'd had a drink." "It's not fair on the kids, is it?" "I mean, they need their father around." "So, erm..." "The missus and I have come to an arrangement, which is that I can live in the garden." " Pincer manoeuvre." " What was that?" "Oh, fuck!" "Stevens!" "Go!" "I'm flanking him, Jimmy!" "I'm flanking him!" "Jimmy?" "Jimmy?" "Paul?" "Anyone?" "Richard!" "Richard, I'm coming!" "Just wait." "Help!" " Now, lads." "Let's talk business." " Richard, I'm nearly there." "Richard!" "Let's go!" "Come on." "Are you alright, Richard?" "Are you hit?" "Fuck." "Fuck." "Fuck." "Fuck." "Fuck, twocker, fuck." "Twocker, fuck." "Fucking got you, you twocker fuck!" " I didn't do anything!" " I saw you laughing at me." "I didn't laugh at you." "(pants)" "Lads!" "Lads!" " Lads, it's me, Paul!" " Where's Paul?" "Don't worry about him." "He'll have to find his own way back." "I owe you, son." "I owe you." " I'll get you a pint." " Cheers, Richard." "Alright, lads, game's over." "I said, "It's not that bad."" ""They'll get you to hospital and patch you up. "" ""Battle action, war scars, the marks of manhood."" "Anyway, those little cunts are stealing fucking little car-thieving shits, who deprive God-fearing folk of the God-given right to drive," " the fucking little fuckers!" " Erm..." "Where's Jimmy with the fucking drinks?" "You're spending too much time at the bar." "What's that you're drinking." "Oh, God!" "What's wrong?" "You on the wagon, soft lad?" "It was a heavy one last night." "I thought I'd give it a go." "Lightweight." "I can't be buying orange juice." "Besides, I'm sick of being skint because you lot are skint all the fucking time." "Hey, no need to worry, lads." "Here comes money." "Right, don't forget." "He owes you." "You saved his fucking life." "Good work." "And it's all about investing." "Take that horse of mine." "Well, you got to speculate." "I've got a lot of money tied up in property." "Well, it's the only way I can stop that itch of an ex-wife of mine from getting her hands on it." "Hello." "My name's Richard Stevens." "I'm young and looking for excitement with the same enthusiasm as a fresh-faced teenager." "And that's why I'm looking for a lady to be my partner, who doesn't just want to help me feel young, but who is actually... young." "Yourjourney into my heart will begin when you leave your country of origin and arrive here, in the heart of England." "You will share in a rich and lavish lifestyle." "I, er... hope you can be with me." "I hope you can understand what I'm saying." "I'm looking for a woman who understands loyalty, devotion, commitment, and is above all... trustworthy." "I thought you said that your wife was dead." "Well, she's as good as." "Jimmy's dad is dead." " Yeah." "Yeah, he died six months..." " Six weeks ago." "Poor sod." " Really sudden." " Hmm." " My mum is..." " His mother, poor dear." " She's not dead." " No, she's not dead." " She's still grieving." " Tragic." "You should meet her, Richard." "She's... a very beautiful woman, by all accounts." "Isn't that right, Jimmy?" "Yeah." "Yeah, that's right." "Yeah, yeah, you really should meet her, Richard." "She's all alone at home." "Well then, Jimmy." "Better bring her out." "Right, Jimmy." "Here." "Get 'em in." "Good lad." "Dunno, er..." "All sorts, really." "You know, just good music." " What about you?" "Are you...?" " Get rid of these, will you?" "Go on." " See you in a bit." " See you." "(clattering)" "Good strategy, Jimmy." "Stay sober." "A sharpened tool is better than a blunt one." "Good work." "Right, OK." "Erm... if you just move your chairs back a tad, that would be great." "Just make a bit of space." "OK." "Role-play, everyone." "We fake it to make it." "And I would like to work with Jimmy on this one." "Come on." "And Mark." "Just sort of let yourselves go a bit." "Relax a bit." "Mark, I want you to pretend that you are Jimmy's, er..." " Be his uncle, something like that." " Uncle?" "You have money." "You know what Jimmy's like." " Do I not give it to him whatsoever?" " See what happens." "So take a little moment, and... away you go." " Alright, chap?" " 'Ey up, Mark." "Er, can you lend me some money, Mark?" " (cackles)" " Erm..." "How much?" " A few quid for the weekend." " Yeah, I can." " I'll give it you back next week." " No worries." " Nice one." " No." " He only wanted a few quid." " But you know where it's going." "He's going to go off and get himself into trouble." " Come on, let's have it." " Alright." "Hello, Mark, can I borrow some money please for the weekend?" " Er... how much?" " Say about, I don't know, 80 quid?" " 80?" " I'll pay you back next week." " What's it for?" " Good." "Erm... it's just for..." "I'm having a party." "I've got to hire a sound system as well, haven't I?" "So..." "Come on." "Put him off." "Suggest other people, not you." " I was doing it." " Yeah, go on then." "Have you approached your mum?" "She's got no money." "She told me to ask you." " Can't do it." " Why not?" "Tell him to sort himself out." "Ask someone closer to you." "I don't know you well." " Mark!" " I mean, when you were little, we used to play, but I've not seen you for ages and you're asking for money." " Good." " Was that good?" " Very good, yeah." " Thanks." "It doesn't matter." "I'll pay you back." " Tell him to ask his dad." " Have you tried asking your mum?" "Ask his dad." "Your brother, his dad." "Have you tried asking your dad?" " I can't ask my dad, can I?" " No." "It's difficult for you to approach your dad, yeah?" " My dad's dead, alright, lan?" " OK." "Alright." "For the purposes of this exercise, pretend he's not dead." "Do I have to do this?" "No, but it would be good if you did." "Why do I always have to do this crap?" "It's not a case of have to, it's just interesting if you do do." "Tell you what, Jimmy, sit down." "Never mind." " Well done, that was good." " I'm really sorry." " Can I sit down?" " Well done." "Thank you." "For fuck's sake concentrate." "Your eyes are on that barmaid, not on the sale." "Forget about her... for now." "There's plenty of time for that later." " James!" " Hi, Mum." " You alright?" " Yeah." "It's not what I expected, this place." "A business meeting can take place in the most unlikely of places." "Eve, this is my mum." "Can you get them in, Mum?" "I've got to go to the, er... toilet." "Bit of a weak bladder." "So you're the reason he comes in here then." "I don't know." "It's more to do with his business friends." "Where are they?" "The drinks?" "My mum's at the bar getting them in." "Nice one." "I thought you lot could help me out." "Leaving your mother at the bar?" "Bring her over, there's room." " Is she coming over?" " She's coming over now." "Oh, shit!" "Look, can you lot do me a favour?" " What is it, Jimmy?" " We're all on a business course." " Are we?" " Have you got it?" "We're all on a business course." "Aren't you going to introduce me to your colleagues?" "Well, of course." "Jimmy." "Just for you" "Me?" "And you're miles from home no more" "Get us a pint, Paul." "I thought you were on the fucking wagon." " Mind your language." "My mum's here." " Oh, sorry." "That didn't take long, did it?" "24 hours on the straight and narrow." "Well, fuck it!" "I need a drink." "OK, then." "(cheering)" "How old do you reckon I am?" "Keep myself fit." "Have to, a man like me." "Responsibility." " Hard." "Feel it." " Oh!" "Hard!" "(cheering)" "(muffled announcement over PA)" "So I said to him, "Look your old man in the eye and answer me."" ""Do you want to be a millionaire?"" "There's my son, looking gormless like I've asked him a trick question." "I said to him, "You don't have to start at the ground floor with the others."" ""You can just come in with your old man and be rich."" " Fucking hell." " Fuck me, Richard, what did he say?" " What do you think, Jimmy?" " You what?" "When I asked if he wanted to be a millionaire?" " He told you to fuck off." " That's exactly what he said." "Then he turned round and left." "18 years of age." "Bit like you, Jimmy." " What do you mean?" " Independent spirit." "Now listen, Jimmy." "Your mother is at the bar, yes?" "Yeah." "We are all very thirsty after a long hard day on our business course." "So we could use a drink, couldn't we?" "Jimmy, go on." "Buy your mother and the lads a drink." "(cheering)" "(sings indistinctly)" "Oh, my word!" "Jimmy." "It's my night off tomorrow." "Where you taking me?" "(announcer) Talk about something from the recycle bin." "Hey, Paul." "You know that Eve?" "She asked me out, right?" "It was brilliant." "Listen, Jimmy, do me a favour." "Concentrate, Jimmy." "Concentrate on yourself, not on the fucking barmaid." "Yeah, but..." "No!" "When you're selling, you sell yourself." "I am an asset." "Are you an asset?" "Let me hear it." " I'm an asset." " No, louder, Jimmy!" " I'm an asset." " Say, "I am an asset."" " I am an asset." " I am an asset." "I am an asset." "Start working Stevens." "Bait the hook!" " The hook?" " He likes your mum." "Listen, about my mum, I'm not sure if it's such a good idea..." "He's just got to see the warehouse tonight." " And what are you doing?" " I've done all the groundwork." "Then I'll go in for the kill." "Now, he has to see it, tonight." "A stallion?" "An old bugger." "Retired." "Won me a lot of money." "Won a few races years ago." "I love him." "He's like a trophy." "Maybe I should send him out to stud." "There's a lot of spunk still left in that old bugger, I'll bet." "Hey, stop." "Stop the cab." "Look." "There it is." "He's very emotional about it since his father passed away." "Property, that's it." "Times changed, you see." "And he didn't." "He couldn't tell the difference between an asset and a liability." "No business sense." "And he'd just run up debts." "No foresight, the wrong fucking stock." "My dad really fucked..." "Rich, look, about the warehouse..." "Jimmy's doing ever so well." " Big responsibility, Liz." " He's very good." "Aren't you, Jimmy?" "Jimmy's taking care of business." "He's just like his father, Jimmy is." "His dad would have been... (sobs)" "Mum!" "There, there." "Ah, that's nice." "That's nice, innit?" " She's a right witch." " What do you mean?" "One, when she got in, she never spoke to me once for the whole journey." "Two, when she gets in and out, she slams the door." "These are all my new mates off the course." "Listen to this new lyric." "(mimics beatbox)" " Feeling that?" " It's alright." "I'll need a couple of volunteers." "No, no, Tony." "Remember, I am going to have to write reports." "Yeah, thank you, Mark." "OK, and I would like to work with..." "Jimmy, on this one." "OK?" "Thank you." "Right." "Money." " Sorry." " Come in." " It's the..." " Yeah, just come in." "Sit down." "You're an hour and a half late." "I will have to put this into your report." "Do you understand?" "OK." "Mark, you need that money back, now." "Urgently." " OK?" " I owe it to a hard man." "No." "Something simple from your own experience." "Kids are starving or on drugs." "If I don't get the money," " I'll have to put them on the game." " No." "I want you, Jimmy, to have borrowed some money from Mark." "You've probably spent it on drink, understand?" "Can I do an accent?" " If you want to, give it a go." " (Geordie) Alright, bonnie lad." " Have you got me money?" " No, actually..." " Will you show me?" " Yeah, I'll show you." "Erm..." " I've pissed it all up." " Right." " I've spent the money selfishly." " That's right." "OK." "I've had it up to here with you." "Do you understand?" "I want my money." "I want my money now!" " (mobile phone)" " Do you understand?" "Er, sorry." "Just a quick call." "Hello?" "Er, OK then, 15 percent." "Yeah, but I'm cutting my throat, OK?" "Alright then, bye." "Sorry about that." "Just a bit of unfinished business." "Carry on now." "You little loser piece of shit." " You little fucking cunt." " Ooh." "I want my money back, do you understand?" "I want my money, cunt." "Money, cunt!" "Money, cunt!" "Money, cunt!" "Sit down." "OK." "Erm..." "what did we learn from that?" "Night, lads." "He could've asked me." "He could've used my cab." "I'm out on the road with Dave tonight." "So what's the score, Jimmy?" "Was he interested?" "He's definitely interested." "What are we going to do with all that cash?" "I'd invest it." "Hydroponics." "Probably buy about five cabs and basically start my own empire." "Go abroad." "Live a little." "Get out of this shithole for a while, anyway." " And then there's my mum." " Fucking hell, think of that fanny!" "Right, Jimmy." "Let's go to the pub." "Jimmy, we've got tactics to discuss." "Stevens is this fucking close from closing." " I'm going out tonight with Eve." " What are you talking about?" "It was your idea, Paul." "Testing my skills, selling myself." "It's paid off." " It just happened." " A boxer never fucks before a fight." "What am I going to do now?" "Sleep on the fucking lawn on my fucking own in a silly little tent." "Right, love, I'm off." "Shift the rest of that karaoke stuff from last night." "Ta-ra." "See ya." "It's no good, Jimmy." "It's me mum." "She's the boss." "Just have to wait till closing time?" "Well..." "Yeah, OK then." " What you been doing on that course?" " Erm... role-play stuff." "Do you know what that is?" "It's, like, tiny, tiny plays." "I've got it, yeah." "This is good." "You..." "I'm a landlord, right?" " Yeah." " This is sound." "I'll be the landlord." "What happens is, I come in and ask you for the rent money that you haven't paid for months." "You explain you've been drinking it all and spending it on cocktails." "Mark, where's the rent money?" "For months, you've not paid me any." "What's going on?" "Why don't you pay the rent?" "Erm..." "I've been spending it all on cocktails." "You've spent it all on cocktails, haven't you?" "When are you going to stop spending it and give me some money?" "When are you going to do that?" "You're doing my head in, roots." "You're doing my head in." "Just give me some rent money!" "Twat!" "That's where I should be." "My dad's abroad." "Works as a troubleshooter for the brewery." "Cleans up bad pubs, turns them around." "He's so good, they sent him to Germany." "Hasn't been round for two years." "Your mum must be..." "She's never been happier." "She's running things her way now." " She's very, er..." " Committed?" "Aggressive." "Don't you sometimes get tired?" "Not fed up, just totally exhausted?" "You want to turn your back on everything and just leave." "I can't work in a pub here for my parents." "I'm young." "Where's it all going, my life?" " Are you alright, Eve?" " Yeah." "Do you want another one?" "Yeah, go on then." "Do you know what else?" "I wouldn't mind having a girls' night out and going on the pull, cos I haven't had a shag for nine months." " Darling!" " He can't get it up any more, because he's pissed all the time, really, I suppose." "Mary, I really don't want to know about Paul's... nocturnal habits." "(phone rings)" "Hello?" "Hello?" "Hello, Pattie." "Do you know, just when I was coming down the garden path," "I thought it was a man." "I'm sorry I'm a bit late." "I'm sure Mary's been telling you," "I'm on this business-course thing at the moment." "Sometimes they keep one or two of us back to, er..." "Keep some of us, er..." "This looks good." "On that, er..." " Mary!" " Mary!" "Mary, I was wondering where you were." "I was just telling Pattie here..." " Pamela." " Erm..." "Pamela." "...Pamela that I've been on the business course, putting the hours in and, in fact, it's a bloody miracle I got here at all." "Mmm!" "Very nice." "That's when they decided to call me Mr 15 percent." "Didn't they, Mary?" "Thank you." "Hmm..." "Phew, well, I don't know about anybody else, but I'm really all in." "Very nice to see you again, Pamela." "Er, where do you think you're going?" "Fucking hell!" "Let me roll this up and I'll come with you." " Whereabouts you going?" " Just going to drive around." " I might as well come with you." " No." " Yeah, might as well." " You don't need to come, mate." "Why don't you sit here and answer the phone, let me know the address for the customer?" "I could be security, just sit next to you and do what I do." "Do you know any cab firm who drives around with a partner helping out?" " Do you know any?" " Unique." "Any man who runs cab firms, they're not into that unique business." "They run a firm like it's meant to be run." "Malcolm's already told me he can give me a Volvo, a Vectra, he can give me anything nice, whatever I want." "Hire one off him and drive in his company." "But I want to go." "I wanna do it, too." "Why do you want to drive around with me?" "It don't make no sense, roots." "What about some bucket bongs?" "It's just that you look stressed." "I thought it might relax you." " (kicks door)" " Come on then." "(coughs)" "(indistinct chatter)" "That's horrible." "You're horrible." "Come on, Jimmy." "I think you've had enough." "Do you... want to take your coat off?" "Oh, yeah." "Beaches everywhere." "Permanent summer." "I've been a little less than honest with you." "I haven't been to..." "I can't wait to leave." "That's a good idea." "Something's not happening." "It's never happened before." "I'm really sorry." "It's cool." "It don't matter." "I think I must've drunk too much." "So, erm..." "are you coming in tomorrow?" " What, in the pub?" " Yeah." "Yeah, I will, if that's alright with you." "I'll, erm... go and get you a taxi then." "Tomorrow then?" "Yeah." "Yeah, alright." "Tomorrow night then." "Look, I'm getting the cash together tomorrow night, you know, for, er..." "for Thailand and that." "See you tomorrow, Jimmy." " When did you get in?" " Oh, a few hours ago." "You must have been asleep." "Where have you been?" "Oh, Richard, er..." "Richard Stevens took you out?" "That's great." "I've been up all night worrying about you, and you tell me you've been enjoying yourself." "That's nice." "I don't know why I bother sometimes, I don't." "I didn't hear you come in." "Where did you sleep?" "Don't worry." "I'll..." "I'll be fine." "Paul!" "What are you doing?" "You are unbelievable." "Mary..." "If you could... just pack it up." "I think you'd better say something first." "Erm..." "Erm..." "Daddy's, erm... going to go away for a while to a hotel." "I mean, to a business conference." "And, er..." "Mummy is going to stay here in this lovely house that Daddy's still paying for..." "for all of you." "Daddy's got a little present for you." "Share it with your brother." "Erm... do you want me to still take them out on Saturday?" "Only, I've got a big business meeting tonight, so I was wondering if..." "Ben!" "Ben!" "I'm playing with my toys." "Right, everyone." "Settle down." "I know it's the last day, but I've got your reports." "You have all done very well." "All of you." "Paul, is there any chance I could speak to you privately?" "I should take this opportunity to tell you all that Mr Stevens, Richard, has promised to make a donation to get the building refurbished and modernised." "Thanks very much, Richard Stevens." "Thank you." "These are my personal assessments on which your probation depends." " And I'm sorry." " Yes?" " But I have to say that..." " Yes?" "...reducing the period of your ban has proved extremely difficult." "I mean, I think what I can say in my defence, as it were, is that, sometimes, unfortunately, in life, it takes something absolutely shocking to happen before you can really face up to what's been going on" "and realise that what you want to do is to get back to where you were before so that you can move on without making those mistakes again." "When do you think I might be able to get the licence back?" "Well, that's not for me to say." "That all depends on the courts." "Fuck!" "They practise a special sort of Buddhism there." "Jimmy, what was she like last night?" "That fucking barmaid of yours?" "Is she any good, whatshername?" " I bet she fucking loves a good..." " She was fucking great, mate." "Jimmy, your mother get in alright last night?" "Tonight, Jimmy, it's all got to come together." "I've spoken to Stevens and we're on the way to his gaff." " The sale is...?" " The sale is everything." "That's it." "That's it." "Are you OK?" "I feel a bit sick, Paul." "I must admit I've been feeling really sick." "No, no, you mustn't waver." "We're gonna work him like an old whore till he's knackered, all weekend if necessary, till he's parted with his cash." "Jimmy?" "Are you alright?" " I think Richard has been..." " Richard's been doing what?" " I think he's been fucking my mum." " Fucking excellent!" "All you've got to do now is close the fucking deal, and then you'll be out there, with that fucking barmaid of yours." "Hey, Paul." "Where's Jimmy?" "In the bogs." "He's got trouble with his bowels." "He's drunk too much." "Actually, it's Jimmy I was wanting to talk to you about, I'm afraid." " Right, look, I was just..." " I'm only telling you this because you're a friend as such and you ought to know." "All this stuff he keeps going on about Thailand and being out there and wanting to go out there" " and set up..." " We were thinking of going." "Well, he told me that he's only saying those things to you so that he can get into your..." "He's lying to you so he can fuck you." "I don't know why he does it." "It's just something he does." "It's sick and cruel, isn't it?" "Sick and cruel." "Fuck you!" "Eve, Eve, there's something that I have to tell you." "Yeah, I think there is." "Er, yeah." "Well..." "Right." "Yeah." "Right." "I'd better get back to the lads." "It's overcrowded in here again, Mark." "And it's illegal." "And I'm the one who's always doing the driving." "Hey look, Dave, there's a load of sandbags down there." "We are fucking brilliant!" "Wahooo!" "Whoo!" "You alright, Jimmy?" "Just concentrate." " Here are." " Thank you." "Fucking hell." "This is it." "Well, what do you think?" " It's very nice." " Yeah, it's massive." "It's bigger than massive, Dave, it's huge." "Look at it." "What about you, Dave?" "Coming in for a drinkiepoo?" "Thanks, but I'll give it a miss this time." "Mark, you got any idea what night it is?" " It's Friday night." " Exactly, it's Friday night." "I've got women." "You've just got a bunch of lads." "Know how long it took me to get down here?" " I drove some of the way." " And I did." "You just go away, have a lovely evening." "When you're pissed up, don't call me for a lift." "Have a nice time." "That's no way to run a taxi company." "You want to cut that man loose, lad." "Dead weight." "There he is." "Magnificent." "My wine cellar." " Fucking hell." " It's full of fucking wine." "Here." "Jimmy." "Mark." "Spliff?" "Well, why not?" " Excellent." " This place is fantastic, Richard." "You've, er... really made it." "Yeah, well, it's taken me a long time." "Property, you see." "Hmm." "I've devoted my whole life to it." "Then there's that horse of mine." "Competition." "It all gets too much." "Yeah, but competition can give the man the edge, Richard." "Keeps you on your toes, keeps you interested, makes him hard." "What is it you actually sell, Paul?" "Er, security." " Security?" " For homes and that." "Erm... alarms, personal alarms, fencing, lighting." " What are you going to do with that?" " Smoke it." " What you going to do with that?" " What, that?" "Drink it." " Give me that." " You alright, Jimmy?" " He's just a bit pissed." " Yeah, that's it." "I'm just pissed." "Try smiling for Stevens." "I have to." "Paul." "Eve, she was a bit funny with me back there in the pub." "Jimmy's got women trouble." "Well, that's women for you." "Nothing but trouble." " And I should know." " Richard," " would you show me your wine cellar?" " Why not?" "Come on." "Er, Jimmy, you fancy coming upstairs and playing snooker?" " How old's your mum?" " Erm..." " Is she 40s or 50s?" " She's 40s." "She's a really handsome woman." " What are you saying?" " Hey?" "You got any older sisters?" "No, man." "How did you lose your licence anyway?" "It was at my dad's funeral." "I just couldn't take it, being there, any more, so I had to, like, leave." "(hiccups) So my mum gave me my keys, gave me the keys to take me dad's car home." "And I'd had a bit to drink at the wake and that." "I got like a hundred yards away from... from the funeral and I got pulled over." "Fucking fucked me up." "I just drank too many cocktails." "Know when I was talking about visualisation?" "I would like to now give you something for you to picture." "Maps on the wall, telephones, busy office, people waiting outside." "A little rank outside." "Taxi firm." "How would you feel about working for me?" "Erm..." "Obviously, when you get your licence back." "I think in ten years, I'll have a big fucking taxi firm, in the middle of Newark, controlling everything from the radio centre, and the cabs circling like planets." "If you looked down on that, it'd be like looking at the stars, wouldn't it?" "(Paul) But I'm thinking to myself, this is the chance to do something, not for me, but for someone else, to make a difference in their lives, and to change mine, of course, for once." "Something altruistic, perhaps?" "Hmm, yes, that's it." "For Jimmy." "If he can sell that warehouse and, you know, collect a little bit of money, then he can move on, then he can live a little, travel the world a little," " like you and me." " No." "And you'll have a nice bit of property and the chance to diversify." "And, as you yourself said, property is everything, isn't it?" "Er..." "You said "no" back then, didn't you?" " That's right." " Erm..." "But, er... you will think about it, yeah?" "You'll be alright with that wine, will you?" "Because some of it's very expensive." "(rock'n'roll music)" "That takes me back." "Weren't you asking Richard something?" "What a great group, eh?" "Worth a lot on vinyl now." " What's going on?" " Just listen to those lyrics." "Paul?" "Weren't we going to talk about business?" "I know what we all need." "Can I make a few cocktails up over there, please?" "Course you can, son." "Are you going to ask about my business?" "In a bit." "Later." "Right now, we're at his house having a great time, relaxing, enjoying ourselves." "Look, fantastic fucking place, free booze all fucking night, and you want me to launch into a sales pitch?" " Well, yeah." " No, Jimmy, no." "We're staying here." "Just relax, Jimmy." "Relax and enjoy yourself." "Business will take care of itself." "OK?" "I promise." "Christ, you're so stiff." "Jesus, you're tense." "Don't you work out or anything?" "No." "I used to a bit when I was at college." "That will be tension." "You need to look after yourself." "You're only young." "Learn to relax, take it easy," " take a break, have a holiday." " I feel sick." " Rich, where's your toilet?" " What?" "Lightweight, Rich." "(retches)" "Ah!" "That'll sober you up, son." "Just look at us." "Four businessmen, eh?" "Every morning, I do 20 lengths." "Keeps a man fit." "Gives a man an edge, Paul." "I'd better not." "I've been drinking too much." "Cramp." "Besides, I'm enjoying this delicious whisky you gave me." " Get in." "It'll sober you up nice." " Nah, maybe later, yeah?" "Don't be shy." "Get in." "Get your kit off." " I really don't want to." "I don't..." " You don't know how to swim?" "Paul, don't be soft." "It's dead shallow at the edge." "I don't know how to swim." "You satisfied?" "You've got to learn at some point." "Just get in." "I'll teach you." "Kick off over here." "You're amongst friends." "OK then, but don't laugh and everything." "What the fuck's that?" "You can't get in here with that!" "I'll have to have the filter working overtime!" "(laughter)" "Go on, get in, son!" "You're alright, Paul." "Get in and swim over here, mate." " Come on." " OK, then." "I'm fucking swimming!" "I'm swimming!" "I'm fucking knackered!" "I'll go back to the shore!" "I don't know if this swimming business is a very good idea, Jimmy." "Make the sale." "When are you going to ask?" "Soon, OK?" "Relax." " I'll talk to him if you like." " I don't think that's a good idea." " I'll have a go at the motherfucker." " Well, er..." "(Richard) I know, I know." "Let's do a role-play." " Nice one." " Like we did with lan." " I want to talk to you." " Arsehole lan." " They were great." " It was funny..." "Shut up, Paul." "Now, Mark." "You can be a client, and I shall be the bank manager." " What you doing?" " Getting into character." "You come into my bank because you need a loan." "Good morning, Mr Stevens, I'd like a loan, please." " What's it for, son?" " Business." "It's a business loan for my cab company." " Of course you can." " Thank you very much." "My pleasure." "Next!" "Come on, Jimmy." "Well, what do you want me to say?" "It's a role-play." "Say what you want." "Don't look at Paul." "Just come in and... you know." " Alright, I'd like a loan for my..." " Mr Stevens." "Call me Mr Stevens." "I'm the bank manager, Jimmy." "And smarten yourself up, lad!" "This is an important business meeting!" "Hello, Mr Stevens." "Can I have a loan for my company, please?" "Why?" "You know, for my business, for my old company." "The warehouse and that." "What do you intend to do with the money?" "Get out of this shitty town, mate." " (laughter)" " Shh!" "Just get away from it all." "I mean, fucking hell, mate!" "Just to get out of this dump and live for a change." "Look, I need the money to invest... abroad." "I'm getting a plan together." "The money should be out there in internet cafés in a holiday resort in Thailand." "It's got it all, Richard." "It's a real winner." "Can you see it?" "No." "What?" "I said no, son." "I've looked at your portfolio." "But..." "But I've got to." "Look, please, Mr Stevens." "I can't stand it any longer." " But what about your old mum?" " Oh..." "Well, of course." "I mean, I'd give her some, of course I would." " Still no." " They're going to tear it all down." "They're going to redevelop the whole area, turn it into flats." " You like that, don't you?" " I'm sorry, son." "I've done with all that property shit." "I know you, Richard." "I know you." "All patronising, buying us all the drinks in the world, spending all that money on us, like we wanted it, like we fucking needed it, yeah?" "Living like this, like a bank manager." "I don't understand, son." "I thought you wanted me to invest." "No, I want you to buy!" "But I've spoken with your mother, Jimmy." "And with your business skills, well, you'd be running the place in years to come," " stepping into your father's shoes." " My dad?" "What you trying to do to me?" "You're just trying to get in bed with me." "With my business." " Jimmy, your father, he fucked it." " What do you want?" "You said yourself, he was a lousy businessman." "Stay away from my mum as well." "You've been slipping it to her." "Now you're trying to slip it to me." "(groans)" "You never were any good at role-play." "(groans) I'm sorry, lads." "I've got a gippy tummy." "(groans) I'll, er..." "I'll be in my room." "You've fucked it, Jimmy." "Why did I try to teach you?" "You've fucked it up." "You've made me look a complete twat!" "Three times salesman of the year." "'93, '96, '97!" " A complete twat!" " That cunt has been with my mother!" "Fuck that!" "What about my 15 percent?" "It's all fucked up!" "I've got no home, no family, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing!" "Oi!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "What the fuck are you playing at?" "It's all got a bit heated." "Stop it, Jimmy, you fucker, you!" " I'd better get some fresh air." " Yeah, take a break." "Cunt!" "(Paul) What about me?" "I put me best in." "What am I supposed to tell them at head office?" "Fucking Richard Stevens has fucking fucked it for me, the fucking cunt!" "I love you." "You're lovely and warm." "Lovely and warm." "Look, I best go look for Paul." "Paul!" "Paul!" "How's Stevens?" "Fucked if I care." "Just a drunk old twat." "I'm sorry, Jimmy." "It's a fucking gift, what I've got." "I can sell." "Not just anything." "Not just things." "All sorts of people can sell things." "I sell security, safety, happiness, the lot." "Look, I lost it back there, Paul." "I must have had too much to drink." "Being a salesman has a certain code, Jimmy." "A code of honour." "It's not your fault." "Oh God, what have I done?" "Help me, Jimmy." " Er..." " I've got nothing." "I've lost the lot." "I've got no home to go to, nothing." "Refocus, regroup yourself within." "Focus." "Jimmy, what was the best buy last year in terms of..." " Eh?" "...cars." "What was the best car buy last year?" "What do you reckon?" "I dunno, erm..." "Was it the, er..." "The, er..." "No, you're wrong, it was the Audi." "It was the fucking Audi that they made the best car." "What was the best gig?" "Outdoor gig last year?" "Oh, it was Glastonbury." "It's got to be Glastonbury." "My mate went, he said it was brilliant." "No, Jimmy, it was Jean Michel Jarre in Paris, a revival of Oxygene." "There were 400,000 people, although the official police figures reckoned there was less." "Me and Mary were there." "What was the best decade?" "It was the 1970s, Jimmy." "I met Mary in 1979." "Hey, Paul, who was voted the best woman in GQ last year?" "Who was the best woman?" "I wish there was some women here, Jimmy." "It's weird without them." "It was that brown-haired girl." "You know, off that advert." "(sighs)" "But I know what you mean, though." "Jimmy, I've, er... slaughtered Richard Stevens's horse." "(neighing / yelling)" " You did what?" " It leapt out at me at the stables." "Completely fucking took me by surprise." " It was self-defence." " What happened?" "Well, I was wandering along feeling really pissed off with what Richard had said, and... (yells)" "Anyway, you heard that old cunt going on and on and on at Jimmy." "Well..." "What are we supposed to do in a situation like this?" " He won't like it." " New Age travellers." " Those horse-fuckers you read about." " Horse what?" "Horse rapists, doing their moonlight business, lacerating the hind quarters of beasts and murdering them." "You know, fucking devil worshipers." "We'll blame horse-fuckers." "You want us to fuck a horse's corpse?" " It won't work." " Oh, shit!" " Fuck!" " Fuck!" "Shit!" "I'm getting Stevens." "(Jimmy) Dead!" "Dead!" "He's fucking dead!" "Fucking hell." " Oh, fuck!" " He's still." "He's not moving and he's cold to the touch." "Let's make him more comfortable." "Sit him up like he's having a relax." "There's four hours of German here." "It's probably his favourite." "He looks so peaceful." "Yeah, like he's sleeping." "What's my mum gonna say?" "Your dad only weeks in the grave and he's fucking her." "I've got fucking motive!" "You're not a detective." "You can't be sure that it was murder." " What we gonna do?" " You fucking killed him." " Right, we fucking killed him!" " Let's think a bit here, look." "There's something we're supposed to do in these situations." "Until one of us can think what it is, we should just keep calm." " You murdered him." " We're fucking killers!" "You only smacked him." "It happens all the time." "I'm a marked man." "I'm going to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life!" "Self-defence." "Paul, you tried to stop the old man going berserk" "He went for Jimmy." "He's a big fella." "Jimmy can't fight, you defended him." "He started it, you defended yourself." "He's old and couldn't hack it." "Yeah, but I haven't got a scratch on me." "Is it bleeding yet?" "Did that do it?" "No, there's still no blood." "Try again, Paul." " What about that time?" " It's for your own good, Jimmy." "No." "Again, Paul." "Try and break his nose." " This is starting to really hurt." " It's the only way, Jimmy." "A little bit that time, but, er..." " Fuck!" " A bit more." " I'm fucking knackered." " Come on." "Come on, Paul, this has got to fucking work." "Paul." "Paul." "(yells)" " Can you smell something?" " Yeah, food." "Morning, lads." "Breakfast is served." "Richard!" "There, there, Jimmy." "You're OK now, aren't you?" " What's happened?" " Jimmy just..." "He walked into the patio doors pissed." "Yeah." "Yeah, and it fucking hurts." "Dear, oh dear, oh dear." "Your face is a right mess." " You're OK?" " Well, never better." "Rough night though, with me medicine." "Yeah, passed out." "The ulcer." "I should never have taken it with those drinks." "But listen to this." " I thought I'd fucking died." " (chuckles)" "No, really." "I thought I was a goner." "See, the last thing I recall was passing out." "But then I woke up in the master bedroom watching telly." "I had the weirdest dream." "I dreamt I'd lost everything I ever owned, that I'd been robbed of everything, that the whole place was empty." "And then, what do you think happened?" "I dreamt I found it all again." "Like I was... being given a gift." "That you lot and, er..." "Jimmy, here, like a son to me." "Ah, well." "Time for my morning swim." "20 laps and then breakfast." "Come on, you lot, it'll sober us up." "Excellent." "Just to think that fate and circumstance could throw together four businessmen like us." "And all with so much in common." "Right." "Well, come on then." "Are you joining me or what?" "Ooh!" "Whoo!" "Come on, Jimmy." "There we are!" "Paul, just do a width, man." "No, no." "I'm not swimming." "Makes my skin go all puffy, Mark." "Look, I'm sorry for hitting you and that." "That's alright, son." "I never felt a thing." "Now trust me, Jimmy, I only want the best for you." " Like your mum, that's all." " Of course." "Yeah, well, your mum and me, we've had a chat and, er..." "Look, there'll be a lot of hard work for you." "I'm not afraid of hard work." "Good." "And sort that face out before you see your mother." "You'll come in with me, Jimmy." "We'll be a team together." " Jimmy?" " Yes, Richard?" "You've got your mother's eyes." "Well, I'd better go and see how that horse of mine is." " Of course." " He'll be wanting his breakfast." "I'm sure he will, Richard." "Christ, we drank a lot last night." "We must do it again." "Eh, lads, lads." "It's gonna be a beautiful day." "Oh, shit!" "(Paul) We're all in this together, yeah?" "Mates and that." " (Mark) Mates?" " (Jimmy) Mates, yeah."