"Check it out." "Oh yeah!" "Oh baby!" "Yeah!" "Please!" "Please!" "The more the merrier!" "Yeah, all the way, yeah!" "I was thinking about asking Yolanda's ex-girlfriend to bid on the "Provocations" job." "Is she a contractor?" "Carpenter." "She's got an all-woman crew." "That's cool." "You should definitely hire her." "Hey!" "Oh, hey guys!" "Hi!" "Hello." "Hello!" "Good morning!" "The most important thing are his pills." "He gets them, um, three times a day - it's right here." "See, "three times a day with wet food," and um... and it's best to sort of let him wake up on his own because he's..." "less crabby about taking them that way." "But he should... he should be okay." "Right, P?" "Right Mr. P?" "Wow, you are up so early, Bette." "Yeah, well, I guess it's just the excitement of the trip!" "That she's too busy to go on." "Yeah, but someone's ready to party for the both of us." "That's right." "Right on, huh?" "Yeah, let's go." "Yes." "Um... was Jenny's a regular latte?" "Is Jenny going with you?" "I invited her." "I felt bad for her." "She's all alone." "Well that's good." "I guess." "Say bye, everybody!" "I'm gonna stay with Auntie Kit while mom goes away with all of her friends." "Right?" "Say bye Shane... bye Lenore, bye Bette and Tina, have fun in Palm Springs!" "Yes, Mr. P, Auntie Kit will watch your back." "Thank you so much, Kit." "Woohoo, congratulate me, I got my period." "Oh!" "So why are we congratulating you?" "Hm?" "'Cause I love getting my period." "She does!" "Ever since she was a - kid." "Right!" "No, no, no, 'cause it reaffirms my womanhood." "I - like to celebrate it, to... you know... show women everywhere it's a blessing, it's not a curse." "'Kay!" "You guys." "Road trip?" "Let's go!" "See ya, Kit." "Bye, Bette." "I'll call ya." "Have a slippery nipple for me." "Goodbye P Man." "Bye mommy!" "Goodbye P Man!" "Bye!" "By the way." "You were amazing on Insight with George Parson, I mean absolutely amazing." "I really applaud your cause and your commitment and..." "Ooh, God, that bitch, Fae Buckley, you should've decked her!" "Thank you." "It was great." "So, is this a golf tournament?" "Yeah, it's the Kraft-Nabisco Professional Women's Golf Tournament." "Otherwise known as the Dinah Shore Weekend." "Is she gay?" "No." "Dinah Shore's dead." "She died back in '94." "And, actually, the word is that she hated her snooty little golf tournament turned into a spring break for lesbians." "Refused to acknowledge it." "You guys, there's supposed to be, like, 10,000 women there." "Whoa." "Oh, god." "She's done research." "Yeah, I'm doing a story on it for The Weekly." "Gotta make something outta this lame-ass weekend, right?" "And Dana's getting an HRC award." "Yeah." "We're totally proud of her." "What's that?" "It's the Human Rights Campaign." "It's the biggest gay civil rights organization in the country." "It's a huge deal." "Congratulations." "Thank you." ""I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains, there's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line..."" "Yeah!" ""The less I seek my source for some definitive..."" ""The closer I am to fiii-iiine, yeah!"" ""The closer i am to fiii-iiine, yeah!"" "Thank god!" "Do you know how many times" "I had to hear that song when Alice was first coming out of the closet?" "It was a nightmare." "It was allabout Annie Flaherty." "Tell them your coming out story, honey." "It's so hilarious!" "First of all, it's not my coming out story." "It was just a drunk high school grope." "Tell us your coming out story." "Well, they got hammered, the two of them." "And then they scampered under the bleachers for a smoke, which of course she was not allowed to do." "And... just as they were about to kiss..." "Annie vomited all over Alice!" "Ooohh!" "Now, my real coming out story?" "That happened in college." "My boyfriend Greg and I had this band called Butter." "And we played every weekend at The Tap Room ... which was like our little bar on campus." "Butter rules!" "It was three guys and me." "And, I don't know," "I wasn't that into it, but, Greg thought we could go all the way." "Aww!" "Hey." "Where's Brad?" "Where the fuck is Brad?" "But anyway, our bass player quits one day, right?" "So we had three days to find a new one." "So, we hold these auditions, and all these guys come and they couldn't play bass to save their lives." "Get your feet off the table!" "Show some respect." "Dave, give me my last fucking cigarette!" "Cock!" "And then?" "Tayo walks on stage." "Don't fucking touch me!" "God!" "We're famous in our little college universe." "I mean, people are coming just to see us." "And me and Tayo?" "We had amazing chemistry on stage." "Tayo and I only lasted about 2 months." "After me, she went through every gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered organization on campus." "Totally broke my heart." "That's why you're a dirty bisexual, huh?" "Let's hear your story." "Oh, that's not nice, you know I can't do that." "Why?" "It's probably fresh wounds." "It was 12 years ago, mom." "God, she was beautiful." "It was at tennis camp." "I was 16, she was 17." "Everybody, out on the courts, c'mon!" "Let´s Go." "She was my counselor." "I'd tell you her name, but she's famous now, so..." "I can't." "I'll just call her Ralph." "Aren't you ready, yet?" "God, she had the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen." "I love you Stephanie." "I love you more." "What happened next?" "She needed to tell somebody about it, right, so she wrote her best friend at home and told her about us and how in love we were, and uh, her friend told her parents." "Her parents yanked her out of tennis camp like that." "C'mon, c'mon." "Honey, we'll talk it over." "I don't know about it right now." "Just go, please." "After that, I ran into her at a few matches, and... she wouldn't even look at me." "So anyway, that's it." "Tennis players are like girls in college: gay until graduation." "Hey, I'm sorry to bother you " "James?" "You don't have to say you're sorry every time you have something to tell me." "Oh, I'm sorry - um - a Candace Jewell's here to see you." "Um... can you tell her I'll meet her in the conference room?" "Okay." "So, I think we'll dedicate this gallery to two artists:" "Isabella Pernao, who does these amazing large-screen video installations, who I think should be on this wall;" "and Ray Fields' work should be on the other wall." "He does, uh, hand-drawn, lettered books, so we're gonna need to construct some display cases for those." "It's just like theater-set construction." "Is that a good thing?" "Well, I did it in college." "I loved it." "Oh." "Look." "Uh, what if, instead of wall-mounting, we were to construct some free-standing scaffolding here?" "You know, work something like shoji screens?" "I think it would really make the space more dynamic for displaying the work." "Hm." "Well, how long would it take you to get me a bid?" "I don't know." "Today?" "That would be great." "Okay." "Okay, then..." "My coming out story also involves someone famous." "Is she gay?" "No!" "It was the 70s... and every weekend, I went to one of these parties at the mansion  which of course was full of swingers and orgies and drugs." "As I'm sure you girls know" "So, one night, there was an ex of mine that I hadn't seen in years and he was sitting right there in the living room." "And all I could think of to say to him was," ""I thought I told you to wait in the car?"" "Mom, that is straight out of Tallulah Bankhead's biography." "That doesn't mean that I didn't say it." "Anyway." "Where was I." "Hmm, the pool!" "Well," "I don't want to be indiscreet here, but there was an incident in a pool with two girls  and um..." "I mean..." "These girls were real knockouts." "I mean, most of the girls that went to those parties were knockouts, but... they were giving each other a tonsil inspection that would've made a doctor blush." "So I decided, what they hey!" "And joined in." "What can I say?" "One thing led to another..." "It was hot." "Okay, Shane, do you wanna share your story?" "Yeah, um..." "That's easy." "Tiffany Gardner." "She was this gorgeous blonde who lived down the street." "And I used to sit for hours and watch her play in the park." "And then one day, I thought, "You know what?" "Fuck this." "Enough's enough." "I'm gonna meet this chick."" "So." "I pack up my Sunshine Meal and I walk over to her, and she's just sitting the in the sand, playing hard to get." "And I knew I was fucked." "That girl took my Sunshine Meal toy." "Then she took my heart." "Okay!" "Perfect timing." "Here we are." "Um, Jenny, will you open the door for my mom?" "That reminds me of this beautiful but tragic lesbian who once passed out on my kitchen floor." "And I'll never forget, John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands had come for lunch that day and of course they had had a couple of drinks, as had I, and just as they walk in the kitchen she wakes up, and the " "Mom!" "I think your phone's ringing!" "Oh, let me just finish my story." "So she wakes up, just at that moment" "Uh, maybe it's your new agent?" "Oh, my god, you're right!" "Bye Lenore!" "Bye Lenore!" "Thank god, you guys!" "Bye Lenore!" "You know what?" "Dana, help me." "What?" "Just help me!" "Help grab a bag!" "I can get that one." "Just" " Grab a bag!" "I can get it!" "C'mon!" "Mom, I left the, uh, bags on the porch!" "Get in, get in the car!" "Go!" "Go, go, go, go, go!" "Oh, my god, am I going to hell for that?" "Allright, thank you guys, your asses were in this van so fast." "C'mon." "Poor Lenore." "Oh." "Fuck." "Hello?" "No, M" " Hi, no!" "No, no, no, of course not!" "No, it's just - we didn't know how long you were gonna be, and Dana has gotta uh - uh, register for the event." "So, yeah." "Okay, yeah, of course!" "Of course!" "I will!" "Okay, I'll talk to you soon." "Okay, bye." "She was making us crazy, right?" "I mean..." "Right?" "Yeah!" "Dana?" "Dana Fairbanks." "I'm Tonya, Guest Liaison, I'm here to take care of all your needs." "Oh!" "Let me get this for ya." "Excuse me!" "This is Dana Fairbanks, okay?" "I need someone to take her stuff to her room, Suite 251." "So, are you alone?" "Uh, no, I'm with friends." "Did you want to bring them to the dinner?" "I'm sure I can get them tickets." "I need you in a photoshoot in about an hour, but I just need to make a few calls " "Uh, we'll be fine." "Yeah, we don't wanna cramp Dana's style." "Oh!" "Okay!" "So glad to have you here, I'm gonna have to protect you from some of the staff!" "Seriously, though." "I am here to act as a buffer between you and your fans, okay, that is part of my job." "Okay." "Now." "Uh, I'm gonna give you the key to your room." "Thanks." "And here's my card." "I'm going to give you my cell phone number and" "I want you to use it if you need anything at all." "Okay." "I'm talking about a second opinion on what kind of shoes to wear." "You just call me?" "Okay?" "Okay" "And I'll see ya in an hour." "Okay!" "Okay." "Thanks!" "Bye ladies." "Bye!" "Buh-bye." "Wow." "Does that thing come with batteries, Dana?" "Huh?" "Oh, my god." "I have never seen so many women in one place in my whole life." "And everyone one of 'em is greased up and ready to go." "We should go down there, you guys." "Guys?" "Guys?" "Is this suit too conservative?" "I brought a dress." "Tell me what you think." "The suit's great." "Thanks." "Hi." "Is Dana here?" "Uh-huh." "Yeah." "Wow, you look phenomenal." "But I bet you would in anything that you wear." "Um, here's some passes to some of the events, and a chance to win an Olivia cruise." "Thanks Tonya." "So, um, are you ready to go?" "Uh-huh!" "Excellent." "Well, I've got my work cut out for me with you!" "People are gonna be all over you tonight." "Bye girls!" "Oh, yeah!" "Thank you!" "Bye, have fun." "Thank you again!" "Bye..." "Thank you." "What's this?" "Oh." "I have your estimate for you." "Okay." "Um... this is 50 dollars more than the highest bidder." "May I?" "Have you ever seen this?" "There are three sides to the triangle, see?" "Fast, good, cheap." "Yeah." "You can have any two of the three in combination, but you can never have all three together." "Of course you can." "I mean, if you have enough money" "Oh." "Right, then it wouldn't be cheap." "Okay." "You can have fast and good." "But that takes a big crew of skilled, highly-paid workers." "And I can have fast and cheap, but then the end product would probably look like shit." "You can have cheap and good." "That's the one I want." "But you'll probably be bumping up against that carpenter for the better part of a year." "Um." "Uh." "Okay." "Are you here for a little while longer?" "Because I love that Cuban place up the street from here." "I could pick us up some takeout if you want." "I'll draw you some rough sketches of what I'm thinking while we eat." "Okay." "Good." "I'll put the order in." "You look at that while I'm gone." "Alice!" "Who knew?" "I'm thinkin' not Dinah Shore." "Can I have one?" "Oh, wait, Al..." "What?" "What about you, Jenny?" "Um, maybe if I had a few more of these shots." "Oh, wait, hold on, hold on." "Present for Bette." "Oh, my god." "That's good." "What, should I call her and  ask her if I should wear one of these t-shirts while I'm here?" "Oh." "Absolutely." "Make it a surprise." "We just fought all the time." "But you know how Yolanda is." "Mm-hmm." "She isn't happy unless she's ranting about something." "You know." "She can't abide you if you disagree with her" "She won't respect you if you don't you challenge her." "That is so true." "Right." "You know, she should've stayed in therapy." "Yeah." "Excuse me." "Will you excuse me for a second?" "Hey." "Hi!" "Oh my god!" "This is insane!" "I wish you could see it." "It's totally crazy." "Say hi to the girls!" "Hey!" "Hey Bette!" "See?" "Everybody misses you." "I'm glad you're having fun, baby, you deserve it." "I'm just here having some food with Candace." "She's still taking some measurements." "What, babe?" "It's so loud here!" "I can't hear you!" "Uh, you still at work?" "You know what, you should try to get some rest before the artists get there!" "You always do that " "Ye" " I'll try." "Ti - can you hear me?" "What, babe?" "!" "Hello?" "Uh, baby it's breaking up." "I can't hear you." "Look, I'm gonna call you back later!" "Bye!" "Is everything okay?" "I heard some of the artwork is being held up at Customs." "No." "Nothing like that." "Was my girlfriend." "Oooh." "I didn't know you had one." "Why would you?" "Well, at least I can have a drink now." "Cheers." "Allright, look." "Right there." "See?" "That's what I call a hundred footer." "What's that?" "It means you can tell she's a lesbian from a hundred feet away." "Is it her hair?" "Is it her jog bra?" "Is it her mandles?" "I don't know!" "Great." "I can tell she's a lesbo from across a football field." "You guys." "What am I?" "No, you're in transition!" "It's impossible." "No, c'mon!" "No, you need like a guy or a girl with you to tip you one way or the other." "It's not - it's" " Right?" "Yep." "Fuck!" "Well, I guess I'd better... get back to work." "So I can... get back to bed sometime tonight." "Yeah." "I have a phone meeting at 7 AM with New York." "Oh." "I miss it." "I" " I'm from Brooklyn." "I grew up there." "Old school Brooklyn, you know." "Before it was fashionable." "North Philly." "Before it was a war zone." "Right." "This is totally a white party, you guys." "I'm gonna go have another drink." "Bye." "Bye, see ya later." "Bye." "One, two, three." "Oh fuck." "Good girl." "Okay, so then what happened?" "So." "I go over to her house, like a fucking idiot." "And I'm standing there and I'm watching her with her real girlfriend - which, by the way, I know nothing about - and they're watching me like I'm this little sort of amusement, sort of like this little play thing." "Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my boy - no, I'm sorry, my husband... my... my life." "My life is completely ruined." "You know, she managed to fucking destroy my relationship while leaving hers completely intact." "Wait." "S" " So this is the first woman you were ever with?" "Oh, my God." "This is my coming out story." "Tell it!" "Ladies." "I am telling all you guys my coming out story!" "Tell it!" "Tell it!" "Tell it!" "Tell it!" "Tell it!" "Tell it!" "Okay, okay, okay, okay!" "I go to a party at my neighbors'," "Bette and Tina's house." "Bette and Tina!" "Yes." "Okay." "I'm at the party." "And there she is." "I see Marina." "She was possibly... the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen." "Later on that night  she followed me into the bathroom... and then she does it." "The thing." "Am I crazy?" "Am I drunk?" "Am I hallucinating?" "And I was thinking..." ""Am I crazy?" "Am I drunk?" "Am I hallucinating?" And then she does it." "The thing... that would go on to confuse me  and fuck... with all things stable in my life." "And then I'm walking out the door and I'm thinking" ""Oh, my God." "I have just had the best fucking sex in my whole fucking life, man!"" "No, no, no, you guys, you guys, I'm serious." "This is probably the best sex that anybody can have on the fucking planet Earth." "And then she does it." "She does this fucking thing." "She - c'mere." "No, I'm going to show you." "Okay, wait." "I've got to be her." "Okay." ""Jenny..." ""..." "I hope this doesn't make it worse..."" ""..." "But I think I could fall in love with you."" "Aw!" "Oh, man!" "That's gross!" "That's fucked." "Fucker." "Notice it's not "I'm falling in love with you," "" it's, "I think I'm falling in love with you."" "She said, "I think I could fall in love with you."" "That's even worse." "You don't hear the "I think I could" part because you're not supposed to." "It's a trick." "It's a fucking loophole." "She wrecked my fucking life with supposition." "Here." "What?" "Go ahead." "Call her up." "Tell her what a fucking fucker she is." "You need to say it!" "Go on, do it, it'll cleanse ya." "You think I should call her up?" "Yeah." "Call her!" "Call her!" "Call her!" "Call her!" "You go girl!" "I'm going to call her up!" "Tell her!" "I'm going to tell her what a fucking fucker she is for fucking with my life!" "For leaving her life exactly the way it is!" "I'm going to set that fucking bitch..." ""Yes." "You go girl!" "Do it." ...straight." "Shhh, shhh!" "Please, please." "Okay." "It's ringing." "Fuck." "Oh, my gosh." "It's her." "I got you." "Hi!" "Is, uh, Thom... mas... there?" "Oh, this isn't Tom's house?" "Hello?" "Bitch hung up on me." "Perfect." "I'll take that." "That was very nice of you." "Well..." "It was very kind." "It was my pleasure." "Hey, is that?" "Oh, my God, you were so amazing in there." "You should be so proud of yourself!" "You know, that story about your mother truly was hysterical." "Okay?" "and your Subaru coming out story?" "Oh, my god, it broke my heart." "It did?" "Now, so, tell me, did you and Lara - were you able to work it out?" "Uh, no, I totally blew that..." "I'm so sorry to hear that." "Hey!" "I know I'm being a total geek right now, but would, um, sign my underwear for me?" "Uh, Miss Fairbanks has an appointment, okay?" "Please?" "Excuse me." "I" " I - I - ooh!" "Unbelievable." "Um, we have this bet on over here, and, uh... do you have a girlfriend?" "I really don't think that's any of your business!" "Oh, my god." "No!" "Now we need to get you out of here because your fans are getting out of control." "It is flying through the air." "I would love to know what that feels like." "Well, when you're working with someone else, it's all about trust." "You're, like," ""Is this person mad at me today?" "Did I give them a reason not to catch me right now?"" "If I were a trapeze artist, I don't think that anybody would catch me." "I think I would probably need, like, this massive net or something." "You know, that's like the third time you've referred to yourself as worthless." "I mean, is this your big "Leaving Las Vegas" moment?" "You come to Dinah Shore to get alcohol poisoning and die?" "No." "I'm not" " I'm not suicidal." "I've just fucked up my life just a little bit." "You know?" "Mm." "So can I tell you something?" "What?" "Working on the trapeze is like fucking up." "I mean, you're - you're up there, 50 feet above the ground." "You know?" "And you deliberately let go of the only security you have, to go flying through the air." "In - in that moment, everything's lost." "You could live or you could die but you've taken that risk." "And grabbing that bar again is like getting a second chance, so you grab it." "And you fucking swing on it... and you do it all over again, Jenny." "You know?" "Thanks, no, I really...." "No problem." "really appreciate this." "There are probably tons of people in my room " "Dana, I've got to be honest with you." "Yeah!" "Wha " "I want to make love to you." "Oh." "Okay." "Mm!" "Mm!" "Mm!" "Ooh!" "Umm." "Hi." "Magnificent." ""I love you so much, darling." "More then you seem able to understand."" ""I never really knew happiness till I loved you." "Sometimes, when I used to be afraid..."" "Hi." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "I've just never seen such debauchery in my whole life." "I had so much tequila." "I have no idea why I'm still standing right now." "And then I had to, like, step over all these...all these... women bodies...in order to get to this room, which was sort of crazy." "You know?" "What happened with the lady, anything?" "I have a date on Wednesday night in L.A.!" "Wow." "Hey!" "All right!" "Good job." "Ooh!" "It's on vibrate, I like it!" "Oh." "Here." "Let me" " I'll just..." "Sorry!" "Get this!" "Hello?" "Yeah." "Oof!" "Sorry." "Hi!" "Al!" "Yeah!" "Do you like that?" "No it's" " Yeah!" "Does that feel good?" "At the hotel." "Mm-hmm." "People!" "Yeah!" "Soon!" "I gotta go." "Gotta - bye!" "You guys." "Dana's... hooking up." "Oh, my God." "Oh..." "Oh, no, it's not that weird hospitality chick, is it?" "Okay." "Call me a hippie, but that girl has bad fucking vibes." "All right?" "I mean, and Dana's judgment sucks, right?" "Except for Lara." "Al, look who's talking." "Okay." "Why... is it so difficult... to meet the right person?" "You know." "All of your stories are about confusion and unfulfilled desire and disappointment, right?" "Yeah, but that pretty much happens to everyone who tries to be in a relationship." "Okay, Tina, I'm sorry, but..." "I think it's time for you to bust out your story." "Nuh, no..." "Yeah." "Give these women some hope." "Sit down." "Sit." "Thank you." "Speak." "Okay." "Um..." "Well, I was dating this entertainment lawyer" "Eric" "What, I was there!" "Allright." "It was right after me and Bette stopped dating." "And we were in that best friends stage." "And Eric was pretty hot, I have to say." "He was a big art collector." "And, uh, one night he took me this art opening at the Bette Porter Gallery." "I helped her find that space, you know." "I know." "Anyway." "She had this amazing reputation for picking all the great artists." "And she was smart, and tough." "Excuse me, Bette." "And unbelievably beautiful." "This is my girlfriend, Tina Kennard." "She heads up development up at Alphaville." "Tina, Bette Porter." "Nice to meet you." "Hey." "Nice to meet you." "Bette, we were wondering, um... how would Catherine Opie feel about us blowing up that print there to about 5 by 6 feet?" "Well, why don't you ask yourself?" "She's right over there." "I think I'll just stay here." "Okay." "Excellent." "So then, Eric and I got invited to one of her artist dinners, and, her artist dinners were really, really famous." "There were  all these people there form Paris and New York." "Some celebrated intellectual, you know, some big shot critic." "It was, uh, intimidating." "But she was so... warm, and gracious." "Are you coming to sit down?" "Yeah." "I just really like this one." "And then, um..." "And then the earring thing happened." "Oh." "You've lost you earring in your hair, here." "Thank you." "And thank you so much." "I'm really, really excited to get started." "No, thank you." "It's a dream project." "Everything about it." "Good night." "Good night." "Tina, I didn't know Bette was your first girlfriend." "Yeah... first, last and forever." "Aren't you kinda curious, though, to be with someone else?" "Yeah." "Definitely." "I think,"God, am I going , to go to my grave and Bette will be the only woman I've ever slept with?"" "But then, I look at her, and think, "What more could I want?"" "Well, tell them the rest." "Okay." "So then, that night I go home and I realize..." "I left the earring at her gallery even though I could have sworn that I put it back on my ear." "Call it fate." "Or call it the oldest trick in the book." "I could've sworn I watched you put this back on." "I forgot something." "Yeah." "You did." "I forgot, uh... that I won't be able to sleep tonight if I don't tell you that all I've wanted to do all day long is kiss you." "Please tell me if you don't want me to." "I should go, shouldn't I?" "Yeah, you should." "Hello?" "Hey, you." "Yeah?" "I'll be back tomorrow." "Yeah." "Okay, that sounds nice." "Allright, um..." "You're hot." "Thank you." "Um..." "She's so cute!" "No, it's okay, go." "Okay." "Okay." "Cherie..." "No, nothing, nothing." "Nothing." "I'm okay." "I'll see you tomorrow." "Okay." "Bye." "I can't believe I'm about to go down on Dana Fairbanks." "Oh, f..." "Humm..." "Oh, god, I slept in my clothes." "Tell me everything!" "Tell me everything!" "Aaghh!" "Where were you?" "!" "Hi baby." "There you are." "Oh, you sound exhausted." "Did you work late last night?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I did." "Well, you're not the only one." "'Cause Dana just crawled in this morning." "I can't wait to hear about it." "So when are you coming home?" "Oh, I don't know." "Um, I'll try to get the girls on the road but I don't think we'll really gonna make it until this afternoon because Dana has some autograph thing." "Okay." "Miss you." "Bye." "Dana!" "Where's Dana?" "Saying goodbye to her fans." "Shit." "What?" "She is not." "She's not." "Hey guys." "You remember Tonya, right?" "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "She's coming with us." "I'll go get your bag." "Let's go!" "Oh, my God, me too, I'm totally a morning person!" "My ex girlfriend used to think I was completely psychotic because I'd get up so early, but whatever." "I say "Carpe Diem," right?" "Right." "Now you must have to get up so early to train, huh?" "I do." "I bet you do." "Now, brothers or sisters?" "Um, I have a brother, Howie, 16." "He's a total pain in my ass." "I'll bet he's cute, though." "He'd have to be, he's from you family, right?" "Ah, shut up." "Okay, cat or dog person?" "Please say dog because I hate cats." "I know that's not very lesbian of me and stuff, but I think they're so cold and unfeeling." "Well, I guess... some of them can be, yeah?" "But some of them are almost human." "You think?" "Well mine is." "I really love Mr. Piddles." "Mr. Piddles." "Yeah." "He's, uh, Dana's cat." "Well, I think that's great!" "And I totally agree with you, you know, these kind of decisions have to be made on a cat by cat basis!" "Right!" "I cannot wait to meet Mr. Piddles!" "See?" "Okay, I knew you'd get it!" "Do you wanna see a picture?" "I would love to!" "Okay." "You have a picture of your cat." "That's so cute!" "Mr. Piddles." "Señor Piddles, International Cat of Mystery." "My mysterious one man show!" "He's my special furry man." "See?" "Meow." "Bye!" "Bye!" "See you later!" "See you guys." "What the fuck are we gonna do?" "What are we going to do about what?" "You guys, don't tell me you don't think she's trouble." "Well, yeah, the cat thing was a bit much." "Yeah, and that story about meeting Anne Heche in the restaurant?" "I mean, what was that about?" "Ugh." "And you guys." "I gave her 50 bucks for the gas... and I watched the meter, not to be crazy, but it was $32.50, and she didn't give me any fucking change." "What?" "Well, why didn't you say anything?" "Well, I don't know, I" " I" " I guess I need more evidence or something." "And what am I supposed to say?" ""Dana your girlfriend's a grifter!" I mean... she's happy, I can't!" "Hey." "I just thought I'd let you know I'm out here working." "Thank you." "I'm sorry." "I can't." "You can't what, babe?" "Hey." "Hi." "Um I, I'm... ju - just was thinking I'm not sure that I can get this show... ready in three weeks and..." "You can do it." "The party was so crazy." "God, it just made me want to go home and crawl into bed with you."