"Oh, I can't imagine what's keeping Esmeralda." "Sam, the cab's here." "Uh, yes, sweetheart." "We'll just be a second." "Mommy, will you bring me a souvenir from the witches' convention?" "Certainly, sweetheart." "And I want you to promise to be on your best behavior for Esmeralda." "If she ever gets here." "Mother, I appreciate your staying till she arrives, but if you're going to grumble, never mind." "Why can't you wait, and the three of us can fly up to Salem together?" "Because Darrin happens to be old-fashioned." "He likes to do his flying in an airplane." "Sam?" "Oh, if it isn't the voice of the turtle." "Mother." "Tabitha..." "I want you to help Esmeralda take good care of your baby brother." "I will, Mommy." "Hear that, Adam?" "You better mind me." "Bye-bye, sweetheart." "Hey." "Hey there, big fella." "Hey." "Kiss Mama goodbye." "That's a boy." "Oh, yeah." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye, darling." "See you in Salem." "Yes." "We'd better hurry, honey." "Well, if you're in such a hurry, Durwood, why don't you wait a while, and we'll fly up, uh, witches' style?" "I'm not in that much of a hurry, thank you." "Mommy, why can't I go to the witches' convention?" "Because it's only for grown-up witches." "Uh, the next convention's being held in about a hundred years." "Ask me then." "Oh, sure." "Sure, I understand." "I got two little witches of my own, 5 and 7." "And bye-bye again." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye." "Oh." "Bye-bye." "Bye-bye." "Bye." "Take care of Adam." "Bye, Mother." "Hope Esmeralda's gotten to the house by now." "Yeah." "I really don't trust your mother." "What am I saying?" "I don't trust Esmeralda either." "Heh-heh." "Oh, come on, sweetheart." "You know she'll be fine." "If she ever gets there." "Hm-hm." "Ooh." "What's the matter?" "Um..." "Uh, l-look who just came aboard." "Oh." "Sam, get her off of there." "Miss?" "Yes?" "Well" " Could I have a glass of water, please?" "Certainly." "Elsie, come-- Come here, quick." "What's the matter?" "You won't believe this, but there's a lady sitting out on the wing." "You're right." "I don't believe it." "Mother, that was dirty pool, and you know it." "I just wanted you to know that Esmeralda arrived, and I didn't want you to worry." "Elsie, now there's two of them sitting out there on that wing." "Oh, wow." "You must have had some night." "Mother, I refuse to argue with you at 30,000 feet." "I-I'll see you in Salem." "Now, if your mother would be so kind as to lower her flaps and get off of there." "I know it sounds crazy, but please come take a look." "Come on, please." "Come on." "Please." "Mm?" "I believe you have my seat." "Oh, I think there's been some mistake." "There has, and you just made it." "Mother, that was outrageous." "You're right." "In my day, a gentleman automatically gave his seat to a lady." "Endora, do you ever think of anyone but yourself?" "What's gonna happen when that poor guy doesn't arrive in Boston?" "For your information, dum-dum, he has arrived." "He's just a little ahead of schedule." "Well?" "What time did Flight 107 arrive?" "Flight 107?" "It's just now arriving, sir." "That's what I was afraid of." "Lovely flight, wasn't it?" "Tsk." "Must your mother ride on the outside of everything?" "Can't she sit in the car like a normal human be" "Pardon me." "I lost my head." "Darrin, try to understand." "That's as close as Mother can get to flying and still be riding." "Just be patient." "Oh, after we check in at the hotel, we're gonna drive around Salem and see the sights." "You wanna come?" "Whatever for?" "We saw those sights hundreds of years ago." "Remember?" "Let's face it, Endora, hundreds of years ago, you were one of the sights." "I told you it was a mistake to let him come." "Stop the car." "Stop the car." "Look." "That's disgraceful." "They're all over town." "They're just for the tourists." "Not for these tourists." "And they're no longer all over town." "Oh, Mother." "Did she have to do that?" "Now, sweetheart." "Witches have feelings too." "How would you like to be thought of as an ugly old crow?" "And it's a misconception." "I don't know about that." "Darrin!" "Hey, isn't that the witch house over there?" "Isn't this the place where they held the witch trials?" "Hm." "One of them." "Uh, let's drive on." "Well, as long as we're here, wouldn't you like to go in?" "Darrin." "That's like asking Napoleon if he'd like to revisit Waterloo." "What Durwood lacks in couth, he makes up in ignorance." "Sweetheart." "There were no real witches involved in the witch trials." "It was only mortal prejudice and hysteria." "Characteristics which you possess in spades, dum-dum." "Remember, darling, the convocation starts promptly at midnight." "Endora" "One thing I can say for your mother:" "She's a real mother-in-law." "Witches." "Before we begin our tour," "I must ask you not to touch any of the objects in the house." "They're all very valuable, and many of them cannot be replaced." "Please try to stay together and do not wander off, as there is another tour waiting to start as soon as we leave the kitchen." "This is a bedwarmer of the period." "Hot stones or coals were placed in it, and the bedwarmer was then passed between the sheets to warm them... and then removed." "Over here... there's a colonial pressing iron, which was heated in the same way." "As you can see... the kitchen fireplace served as a counterpart to the modern oven." "The bread oven is this, uh, small opening to the left." "And for general cooking, all the pots and kettles were" "Uh, were hung directly over the fireplace." "Now, if you will all please step to this side of the room." "This is a spinning wheel of the period." "Materials used for clothing, table covers, bed linens, and so forth, were all woven by hand from flax, which was grown on the land." "Now, over here, you will see a" "What are you doing with that?" "Well, i-it looked like it was going to fall, so I just" "Apparently, I did not make myself clear." "It is absolutely forbidden to touch any of the objects in the house." "And that applies to everyone." "Now, if you will all please follow me into the living room." "You ought to know better than to pick that up." "I didn't pick it up." "It picked me up." "What?" "Come on." "This is the living room of the House of Seven Gables, which Nathaniel Hawthorne visited many times." "He learned the history of the house, and this inspired him eventually to write his famous novel," "The House of the Seven Gables." "If you will step to the window, you will see out in the" "I don't know who you are or what you are, but I wish you'd stop bugging me, before you get me into serious trou" "I used to have one just like it at the rest home." "Shh." "Stay there." "TOUR GUIDE:" "The chair was made by..." "Later, the name was changed..." "TOUR GUIDE:" "This fine old example of a 17th-century dwelling, built in 1668 by John" "in the house, all of them prominent Salem citizens." "gables and lean-to of the house." "Sam, what the devil are you doing?" "It won't let me pass." "What is it?" "Well, how should I know?" "He just won't let me pass." ""He?"" "Well, I-I'm not sure." "It might be a she." "Sam." "Well?" "And just what do you think you're doing?" "Me?" "Nothing." "This thing has been annoying my wife." "This is the last time I'm going to warn you." "If you touch another object in the house," "I'll have to ask you to leave." "This concludes our tour." "I hope you have enjoyed your visit to the House of the Seven Gables." "Thank you for visiting us." "Please come again soon." "Thank you for visiting us." "Please come again soon." "Thank you" "Uh, thank you." "Goodbye." "Thank you very much." "Goodbye." "Miss Ferndale, the bedwarmer." "It's gone." "Oh, no." "And I bet I know who stole it." "That crazy lady that was talking to it." "Don't worry, Mildred." "I've memorized their license number." "Just because I'm a witch doesn't mean I know everything." "I'm not asking you to explain everything." "I just wanna know why a bedwarmer would suddenly start chasing you around the house." "It is obviously no ordinary bedwarmer." "No kidding." "Uh, will you stop being so sarcastic?" "I will if you'll stop being so evasive." "Are you implying that I'm hiding something?" "It wouldn't be the first time." "What's that supposed to mean?" "If the voodoo fits, wear it." "Oh!" "Well..." "Now we're going to descend to that, are we?" "I don't know to what you are referring." "Just don't try it again." "Sam, you do that once more, and I swear I will" "Darrin, look." "It followed us." "You little sneak." "What are you doing back--?" "And I say we are not going to take it back to the antique store." "I like it, and I'm going to keep it." "Uh, okay." "Okay." "It seems to be prejudiced against you." "Bigot." "Bigot?" "Mother?" "Mother?" "What do you need her for?" "Just zap this thing back where it belongs." "Darrin, this is not a "thing."" "That must be obvious even to you." "I resent that." "And what do you mean?" "This is a "somebody."" "There is a person being held prisoner in this bedwarmer." "And since it dates back to old Salem, that's probably when it happened." "Uh, but I was just a child at the time." "And I was just a child bride." "Oh, really, Samantha." "I should think you'd know better than to bother me at a time like this." "I haven't even drawn up the agenda for tonight's meeting." "Well, I-I'm very sorry, Mother, but, um, it's about this bedwarmer." "Oh?" "It practically attacked me in the House of Seven Gables." "Ha-ha." "It's much more attractive than that bedwarmer." "Endora... you have all the charm of a dentist's drill." "Well, a-anyway, uh, when we left the House of Seven Gables, it followed me." "Now" " Uh, what do you think we should do?" "I think we ought to take it right back and forget it." "Ow!" "Well, whoever he is, he certainly has a sense of humor." "I was right." "I-it's a he." "You get off my wife's lap." "Boy, are you are asking for a punch in the mouth." "Really." "He's obviously left over from the time of the witch hunts." "He's probably a warlock whose powers weren't too effective, and somebody changed him into an inanimate object to escape detection." "He seems to be saying you're right." "Mm-hm." "Either that or he's got a chill." "Do you realize how much trouble we can get into if we're found with this bedpan?" "Darrin." "This is a bedwarmer." "Oh." "Sorry, fella." "There's nothing we can do right now, but at tonight's meeting, there's bound to be somebody who remembers the incident, and we'll find the proper spell." "See you at the meeting tonight, darling." "Ta." "Well, in the meantime, I'd better hide this" "It." "Him." "Nobody likes a hostile bedwarmer." "That's the license number, all right." "That's the car." "I'm positive." "Perhaps you'd better come upstairs with us, Miss Ferndale, and help us make the identification." "Oh, I'd be glad to, officer." "As far as I'm concerned, people who go around stealing museum pieces are the lowest form of criminals." "I just hope we're in time to recover the bedwarmer." "I'm sure we will be." "Hi, fellas." "Uh, what's all this about a bedwarmer?" "Hi, Mr. Potter." "Nothing you'd be interested in." "Seen a couple going in the hotel with a bedwarmer." "Then they still have it." "Maybe." "Maybe not." "That fellow was sure sore at that bedwarmer." "Sore, Mr. Potter?" "Yeah." "It kept banging him on the head." "Oh, did it?" "Well, thanks for telling us." "Hey, wait a minute." "I didn't tell you about the witch's sign." "What about it?" "They changed the old witch on the sign to a pretty young witch." "Oh, that's wonderful." "I've been trying to get the town council to do that for years." "Town council didn't do it." "It was them witches." "They changed the signs all over the place." "What witches?" "Same ones that have got the bedwarmer." "Uh, they drove by while I was sitting there drinking my lunch." "They "drove by," eh?" "And all of a sudden, one of 'em disappeared." "Just like:" "And then there was two." "Well, I'll tell you what, Mr. Potter." "You stop hitting that sarsaparilla, and I guarantee you won't see any more witches." "Miss Ferndale." "Uh, look, Mr. Potter, why don't you stand over here and hold up the building?" "And we'll be back for you in a minute, okay?" "All I know is, I don't wanna get caught with-- excuse the expression" "a hot bedwarmer." "So will you please zap it back where it belongs?" "Darrin, this is a warlock who has been transformed." "Now, don't you think I have a moral obligation to help him?" "I think you have a moral obligation to see that we stay out of jail on the first day of what I laughingly refer to as a vacation." "Ow!" "Sam, if you don't get rid of that," "I will..." "with an axe." "Who is it?" "Open up." "Police." "Sam, honey, quick." "Zap it out of here." "What's the matter?" "He doesn't want to go." "Well, this is no time to give him a choice." "Darrin, there is a warlock in there." "Now, if he refuses to leave, my witchcraft won't work." "You witches have the dumbest rules." "And at the dumbest times." "Open up in there." "I'd better hide it." "Boy, are you stubborn." "Uh, c-c-coming." "Uh, Sam ... before i let them in, uh, maybe you'd better disappear." "Well, i mean why should, we both risk getting into truble?" "Absolutely not." "" For better, for worse,"remember?" ""In sickness or in health, till jail do us part."" "Darrin faces the wrath of Salem justice, and Samantha's hot bedwarmer comes to life," "Transcript:" "adrianp55"