"(thunder rumbling) Oh, better hurry." "Oh!" "Oh!" "(panting)" "Excuse me." " Pardon me." "Excuse me." " Whoa!" "Excuse me." "Pardon me." "Hey, hey, hey." "Oh!" "Oh!" " Oh!" "Excuse you there!" " Aah." "Excuse me." "Hey." "Coming through." "Coming through." "Watch your back." "MAN:" "She speaks for the children." "Excuse me." "Ah." "(cheering)" "She speaks..." "Excuse me." "Coming through." "...for the parents." "Excuse me." "Thank you." "And ladies and gentlemen, she speaks for the real Boston!" "(cheering)" "So the lady you've all been waiting for, Hannah Higgins!" "(loud cheering)" "(cheering, applause and whistling)" "Hannah!" "Hannah!" "(applause and cheering swells)" "Thank you." "Thank you." "Thank you all so much for your invaluable support in my run for this congressional seat." "Hannah!" "(cheering) Sadly..." "Sadly, I was just informed the outcome has not been what we hoped." "MAN:" "No." "(crowd groaning and murmuring)" "The words with which I might express my gratitude would never equal the tireless efforts put forth by those involved in my campaign." "Particularly my friend and campaign manager, Colleen Pickering." "(applause)" "It is my sincere belief that all parties are working toward the good of the country to find solutions to the problems facing all of us." "It is in that spirit of bipartisanship with which we thusly concede the election... (crowd groaning) WOMAN:" "Come on!" "WOMAN:" "No!" "(indistinct chatter) MAN:" "You're kidding me." "...and congratulate my opponent, Mr. Wade Bradbury." "MAN:" "Oh, no!" "MAN:" "Boo!" " Thank you." " Boo!" "Boo!" "(indistinct shouting)" "Boo!" "Boo!" "Well done." "I know with only 60% of the polls in, some people think we jumped the gun on the speech, but..." "So sorry." "...with the numbers being what they are," "I think the earlier the concession, the more dignity we'll keep." "Dignity being a state of mind." "Congressional candidate Hannah Higgins suffered a stunning defeat today, losing by a wide margin to former television weatherman Wade Bradbury." "WZHA was on the scene for voter reaction." "Hannah Higgins?" "Nah, I didn't vote for her." "She reminded me of my high school principal." "I liked what she was saying about education and stuff, but she's just so..." "I don't know." "She's such a cold fish, you know?" "MAN:" "Yeah, I voted for her, but only because the idea of voting for the weatherman was absolutely repugnant." "MAN 2:" "No, no, no, I voted for the guy from TV." "That guy makes me laugh every time he does the weather." "Like when he goes over and says," ""Now, we'll go to the Dah... pier radar."" "Cracks me up." "He'll say," ""Dah... pier radar!"" "MAN 3:" "I'm gonna tell you what her problem is." "That lady talks like she's too smart for her own good." "As if creating legislation for 300 million people is a job for which intelligence is a disqualification." "Uh-oh, it looks like Wade Bradbury is about to make his victory speech." "We don't have to watch this, Hannah." "It's not as if the evening could get any worse." "WADE:" "I want to thank all my supporters here and out there." "I am honored that everyday people like you have chosen an everyday guy like me to represent you in Washington." "Why don't we do this the way you guys like?" "MAN:" "Oh, yeah." "WOMAN:" "Here we go." "(cheering and laughter)" "I plan on bringing a high-pressure system of change to Washington." "With the support you've shown tonight," "I'll blow out the fog of old ideas and rain down prosperity and happiness." "(applause and cheering)" "Now it's onward." "Let's change which way the wind is blowing in Washington." "(cheering and applause, band plays upbeat music)" "That's the problem." "He doesn't know which way the wind is blowing." "He's a terrible weatherman." "Over 73% of his forecasts are inaccurate." "He said that today was gonna be bright and sunny." "(thunder rumbling)" "And it's amazing how he tries to pass himself off as this everyday guy while he's standing there in a $4,000" "Italian suit." "His parents built the wing of a library to get him into an Ivy League school, and yet he has the nerve to paint me as an elitist?" "I don't think your undying commitment to proper speech helped." "I have no idea to what you are referring." "I don't think it hurts to ask yourselves who you'd rather have a beer with." "(laughter)" "I believe you mean, "With whom one would want to have a beer."" "This is the perfect example of our need to improve education." "Frankly, I find your grammar appalling!" "It wasn't hard to convince voters that you thought you were the smartest person in the room." "You've been in most of those rooms." "We are." "(Boston accent):" "Wish I had your problems." "Must be nice to be too smart." "Suddenly, it seems everyone is a political consultant." "Nah, I'm, uh..." "just a beer vendor." "I-I beg your pardon." "What's that?" "I'm just a beer vendor." "You know, deliver beers, kegs and such." "Pick up empties after they break down the bar, hand out samples here and there." "You know, that sort of thing." "I do believe he's trying to communicate." "Fine, go on and crack wise." "I think we met in the kitchen." "It's Elliot, is it?" "Yeah, Elliot Doolittle." "Pleased to meet you." "Nice to meet you." "I think what Mr. Doolittle is trying to say is that he's a beer vendor." "Yes, I suppose I did catch some of that." "Oh, sure, yeah, take your shots at me." "You know who's having the last laugh here?" "Me." "'Cause I voted for the other guy." "Sure he's lace-curtain Irish, but he don't seem like the kind of guy that would make fun of a fella." "Matter of fact, he seems like the type, you know, pick up a sixer at a packie and talk about the Bruins." "We've come to this?" "I'll have you know that there was more riding on this election than finding someone with whom you could discuss your precious Bruins." "Okay, here we go." "Oh, yes, here we go." "This country once had one of the best-educated populations in the world." "Now we're ranked 33rd." "As education flounders, crime and unemployment rise." "But instead of addressing these issues, we'd rather elect weathermen to Congress and distract ourselves with reality television and the tattooed circus, otherwise known as professional basketball." "Maybe we should just wallow in our demise, for which someone like you could be the perfect poster boy." "Yeah, well, just so you know, the Bruins ain't basketball." "It's hockey!" "You should at least know what sports teams represent Boston if you want to represent Boston!" "I guess you're not quite so smart as you think you are!" "What frustrates me is not how poorly you speak, but how unnecessarily poorly you speak." "With a little education and effort, your insults could be as well-spoken as anyone's!" "I suppose this means we're calling it an evening." "Good night, Mr. Doolittle." "Yeah." "Well... nice talking to you." "(indistinct chatter)" "(flames crackling)" "(sighs)" "(indistinct chatter)" "Frank, you know me a long time." "You think I talk funny?" "No, sir!" "What are you, gone hoopy?" "You talk wicked good." "Good as anyone I know." "That's what I thought." "(grunts)" "(chatter of children)" "WOMAN:" "Thank you so much for changing your schedule last minute and coming down to our school." "I really think that meeting some of the new staff was tremendously helpful for them." "Oh, my pleasure." "Colleen and I will have an updated curriculum for the students with learning disabilities by next week." "And the school board is gonna visit to observe classes on Thursday." "So, in the meantime, if you need anything, call me at the office." "Thank you." "Thank you." "They're gonna need a extra pilsner over at Clancy's." "Got it." "Yo, Frankie!" "Hey, there, Elliot." "Hey, guys, listen up, okay?" "Macky Carmichael's going to hospital." "He's finally getting that thing removed." "And Mary Louise is on maternity." "So..." "So..." "We're looking for replacements for the bowling team." "Huh?" "(laughs)" "You think my wife's gonna let me run around..." " ...with a couple of beauties like you twos?" " (laughs)" "Stop it, you." "You charmer." "Hey, what about you, Elliot, huh?" "We could use a strapping fellow like you on the team." "Wish I wasn't working nights." "Ah." "(gasps)" "Did you hear?" "Henkels is retiring." "Yeah, we're gonna be looking for a new sales rep." "FRANK:" "Yeah?" "What's a guy like that make anyways?" "Really?" "What?" "You think just 'cause we're in HR, we know everybody's business?" "No." "I think it's 'cause you already know everybody's business is why" " ...they put youse in HR." " (laughs)" "Hey, look, you guys, it's confidential, okay?" "Can't really talk about it, but I can say, he makes more than the two of youse combined and then some." "WOMAN 2:" "And then some on top of that." "Oh." "Right?" "Beaucoup bucks." "Beaucoup." "Big bucks." "Beaucoup big bucks." "Trust." "WOMAN 2:" "Come on, let's go." "WOMAN:" "I want to get a beer." "(phone ringing)" "Hello?" "Did you check out the morning news?" "I just sent you the link." "Check out?" "I'm not in a hotel." "I'm getting ready for work." "It's a perfectly appropriate phrase, Hannah." "Maybe you could look at the link, and then you could check out Webster's, hmm?" "MAN (on TV):" "A shocking turn of events today as freshman Congressman Wade Bradbury, in a hometown appearance here in Boston, held an ill-timed rally on the steps of the State House." "MEN:" "We love Wade!" "I'd like to introduce legislation that will clear up these issues for families, much like the skies need clearing here today." "MAN:" "Yeah!" "(rolling thunder, man cheers)" "We'll blow out the oppressive drizzle of taxes and bask in the sunshine of a brighter day!" "(applause and cheering)" "(crowd gasps)" "MAN (on TV):" "Eyewitnesses report that the incident was quick and painless." "Oh... my." "Exactly." "The governor of Massachusetts has expressed his condolences to the family, and stated there will be a special election to fill the vacancy to take place not less than four months from now." "NEWSWOMAN:" "Venture capitalist Andrew Bridgeworth is here today, announcing his candidacy for the congressional seat made vacant by the tragic passing of Representative Wade Bradbury." "I look forward to bringing my extensive experience in the private sector to Washington." "This is why we've asked you here:" "to discuss mounting another run." "Yes." "It would be necessary to address the major concern in all of the polling data, which comes down to Ms. Higgins's likeability factor." "We need to work on your posture." "But I have perfect posture." "WOMAN:" "Which is exactly the problem." "It makes you seem unyielding." "Through a rigorous combination of yoga," "Pilates and Ukrainian folk dance," "I plan on getting you to slouch more." "MAN (French accent):" "And za hair-- no, no, no." "Your hair, it says, "I am stuck in a sorority house production of Bye Bye Birdie."" "Hmm." "I had no idea I had such chatty liberal arts hair." "But our bigger problem is, you're a woman." "Are you suggesting I not be a woman?" "I don't think we can do anything about that at this point." "But women in politics face a double-edged sword." "You're currently seen as unfeeling, which it's easier for a man to get away with." "But if we go too far in the other direction, you could be seen as hysterical or flighty." "Another major problem is your wardrobe." "I'd soften your image by putting you in sweater sets." "Really?" "We lost an election by 14 points, and you think that you could fix that with sweater sets?" "Well, obviously, what you're currently doing isn't working." "Mmm." "HANNAH:" "I see." "So if I understand you all correctly, the only way that I can win an election is by changing how I look, speak and act." "Exactly." "Yeah." "Oui." "Okay." "I will take that into consideration, and we will be in touch." "(softly):" "Thank you." "That did not go well." "Nope." "Perhaps this is what a frog feels like when it is dissected." "Hannah, I thought a few of their comments were valuable." "I know it's not easy to hear." "Uh, there's a Mr. Doolittle here to see Hannah." "Oh, um..." "Sit." "I'll take care of it." "(sighs)" "♪ ♪" "Hello?" "I'm Colleen Pickering." "I'm Ms. Higgins' business partner." "Can I help you with something?" "Yeah, hey there." "Yeah." "I thought about calling, but then I thought I'd just, you know, stop by." "Wait, aren't you..." "Yeah, you remember me?" "Poster boy." "Poster boy?" "Yeah, it was election night, your friend was hollering at me..." " ...about being a poster boy for demise." " Oh, yes." "I'm sorry." "She was... well, in a mood that evening." "Oh, no, that was a rough night for her." "Hopefully she's better now?" "Mmm, not particularly, no. (chuckles)" "Can I please relay a message to her, perhaps?" "Oh, yeah, uh, well, as she was taking off, she said something about, uh, teaching and stuff, and I'm thinking that's what she does." "Well, she's an educational professional." "Oh, that's great, yeah." "Uh, see, there's this job, see, guy's gonna be retiring, a sales rep for the Boston Colony Beverage Company." "I work nights driving delivery trucks for them, so this would be a big step up, and, uh, you know, I'd be wicked good at it." "The thing is, see, I already tried for a job like that before, and they turned me down, said the job's all about, you know, talking to people." "And I was thinking, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, I can talk to anybody, but then I-I figured it out." "It's not so much if you can talk to folks;" "it's how good you can talk to them, you know?" "I see." "So you're hoping to improve that?" "Yeah, yeah, I figure the guys doing the hiring, they talk like your friend, so that's probably what they're looking for, you know?" "So I'm just hoping she could teach me to talk good, you know?" "Or, at least, you know, uh, more better." "HANNAH:" "Have you seen Pearce?" "I was wondering... if he could find me some aspirin." "Um, he's pulling something down in the file room, but he'll be back shortly." "Hannah, perhaps you remember" "Elliot Doolittle?" "We met him on election night at the hotel." "I remember you were doing your best to insult me." "Let me guess, you finally came up with a snappy retort?" "ELLIOT (chuckles):" "Well, uh, seems to me, you know, I was just trying to give back a little of what I got, you know?" "You weren't exactly what I'd call nice, you know what I mean?" "There is often a gap between those who are nice and those who are correct." "Mr. Doolittle came at your suggestion that he might learn some proper ways of expressing himself." "Yeah, and I got a little scratch stashed away, so, you know, I could pay for lessons." "(sighs) This is a consulting firm for educational institutions." "We develop teaching tools and curriculums." "I don't tutor remedial grammar and diction on an individual basis." "My money's just as good as the next guy's." "Money is not the issue here." "What is at issue is my time." "I trust you can see yourself out." "Thank you for stopping by, Mr. Doolittle." "Oh, thank you." "You have a good day." "Maybe later we could just go outside and kick some stray dogs." "I know, I know." "He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." "I was frustrated about your consultants tearing me apart." "They kept yammering on about how, in order to become a more viable candidate," "I must transform myself into somebody more... likable." "COLLEEN:" "Hmm." "From your behavior in the lobby," "I can't imagine why they'd think that." "You know, you bite somebody's head off, and then you wonder why they're electing the local weatherman." "(chuckles) Or the local beer vendor." "COLLEEN:" "Well, now you're being snippy, because nobody is electing the local beer vendor to anything." "But they might." "HANNAH:" "Perhaps if likable wins elections, then even he could win." "That is the third conversation he has had with a total stranger, and they've all walked away smiling." "Well, I wish it were that easy." "HANNAH:" "I've been hearing all morning about how the electorate is only interested in voting for everyday, likable people." "I propose that they don't come more everyday and likable than your friend, Elliot Doolittle." "My friend?" "(scoffs)" "(laughing):" "Well, admittedly, he does make friends easily." "Wait, think about it." "We could spend months trying to transform me into somebody completely different, or, it appears, we have somebody perfectly likable right there." "You know that I am thinking about running again only because I think that my ideas could really benefit people, but it is not about getting me elected." "Yes, in the canon of your faults, self-aggrandizement doesn't really appear, at least not prominently." "Then allow me to present you with a conduit for my ideas." "I propose we get Elliot Doolittle elected to Congress." "(laughing):" "That's crazy!" "He's-he's not even educated." "And we are the best educators I know." "But if you're afraid of a friendly wager..." "What kind of a wager?" "You've always been jealous that I have the larger office." "Me?" "Jealous?" "Oh, that is so petty." "Although you do have a better parking spot than I do." "Is that included in the wager?" "I'll throw in both if he doesn't win." "Really?" "Admittedly, there is something very appealing about those broad, folksy shoulders of his." "COLLEEN:" "And I suspect that underneath that scraggly beard, there could be a campaign-worthy jawline." "You think he'd go for it?" "There's only one way to find out." "(laughs softly)" "HANNAH:" "Excuse me!" "Excuse me, Mr. Doolittle." "I have a proposition for you." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, what can I do for ya?" "Well, it's what we can do for one another." "It seems there's a representative position open in the area." "Yeah, that's what I was telling Colleen." ""Colleen," is it?" "Yes, well, as you told Colleen, you're interested in becoming a candidate?" "Yeah, of course." "I mean, I'm just as good as the next guy." "And it should be open to anybody, you know what I mean?" "That does seem to be... a basic tenet in this country." "Yeah, you know, I just figured, like, if you could get me, like, a little better at all that talking and stuff..." "Well, that would take work." "Elliot Doolittle ain't afraid of a little work." "I insist on paying for lessons." "I'm sure that we could work something out." "That is... awesome!" "I'm gonna be the best darn sales rep that Boston Colony Beverage Company ever had." "Yes." "I'm becoming quite convinced that you would make a splendid representative." "Thank you very much." "We start work tomorrow promptly at 9:00." "Oh, I'll be here-- at 8:45." "♪ ♪" "(siren wailing in distance)" "♪ ♪" "Well, he seems to have passed the background check." "No felonies or scandals that we can find." "And he volunteers at a soup kitchen over in Charlestown once a month." "So, he's pretty much a blank canvas." "Sounds like an ideal candidate." "An ideal candidate for your ideas is what you're saying, right?" "You have to admit they are better ideas than what most people are bringing to Washington." "So if I can't get elected, then why not find somebody else to present them?" "All right." "(indistinct chatter)" "COLLEEN:" "Well, good morning, Mr. Doolittle." "I see that you're here bright and early." "Rarin' to go." "Our first order of business is... taking care of this." "All right, then, let's go." "Wait, what-what did she mean by..." " ...what do you mean by that?" " Trust me, you're gonna thank us later." "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" "♪ ♪" "Just tell me where we're going." "I'll..." "COLLEEN:" "It's gonna be fun." "Oh, no, I'm not going to a salon." "Yes, you are." "(indistinct chatter)" "And what might we be doing today?" "Well, for starters, you can burn this." "What?" "That's my favorite hat!" "That should be no one's favorite anything." "(sighs) Godspeed." "(sighs)" "(whistles loudly)" "He's ready." "♪ ♪" "Oh." "WOMAN:" "Is his hair too short in the back?" "Well, I like a little length, but his hair curls back there." "I wanted a clean look." "My goodness." "I do believe he looks better than we ever hoped for." " Um..." " I must admit, I had my doubts at first, but it's actually been my pleasure." "(quietly):" "It is so rare to see you speechless." " I think I'm gonna really enjoy this process." " (groans)" "Don't be ridiculous." "I... was just thinking about how we need to change his wardrobe." "Mm-hmm." "So, how does your new haircut feel?" "Well, my neck feels like a baby's bottom." "Really weird." "Uh, yeah, this place is a little bit out of my reach." "I mean, I ain't got the job yet." "I can't afford these kind of duds." "Oh, well, don't worry about it, we'll front you the cash." "I have so much confidence that we will get you this job that... you can pay us back." "(door opens)" "♪ ♪" "COLLEEN:" "I was thinking something simple with a light stripe?" "This all feels so partisan." "(quietly):" "If I belonged to a younger generation," "I would say, "Dang, he is fine."" "Might I remind you that is the exact generation we are trying to rescue from such phrases?" "Let me just say this, Elliot, if I didn't know you better," "I'd say you looked like... a young Kennedy." "Really?" "Mm-hmm." "I feel like a total Barnie." "(sighs) But I said I'd put myself in your hands." "Don't ruin the moment by speaking." "And stop slouching-- stand up straight." "Nothing ruins a good suit like bad posture." "Now the real work begins." "(Boston accent): "I parked the car in the far part of the yard."" " No, "I parked the car in the far part of the yard."" " That's what I said." "(Boston accent): "I parked the car in the far part of the yard."" "No, the Rs." "Rs." "Rs." "You can hear the difference, can't you?" "Yeah, you sound all wonky." "Perhaps you should try wonky this time." "Again." ""I par-r-rked the car-r-r in the far-r-r par-r-rt of the yar-r-rd."" "Good." "Now let's see if we can get you to stop sounding like a pirate." "Having a heart attack." "While gargling." "(sighs) Okay." "Well, Elliot Doolittle, is it?" "Hello." " Hey!" "It's a pleasure to meet ya!" " Ooh." "No, no, no, no, no, you have it all wrong." "You don't lunge at whomever you're shaking hands with." "One or two steps forward is fine." "Confidence but not aggression." "And though the rule may have changed, it is appropriate to allow a lady to offer her hand first." "One or two shakes is fine." "She's not a bicycle pump." "Okay." "What are you doing?" "I got to take some notes." "I didn't know there was so much to a simple handshake." "I mean..." "ELLIOT (carefully): "The quick quail..." ""crossing to and fro..." ""quietly called out," "'Quid pro quo.'"" "Well done, well done." "You sure we got to do all this work for me to be a sales rep?" "Well, there are all sorts of representatives, aren't there?" "So wouldn't you want to be prepared for whatever option presents itself?" "Yeah, I guess." "Oh, but wait, uh, "quid pro quo"-- is that a thing?" "A thing?" "It's a Latin expression for "give and take."" "Like an exchange of one thing for another." "Okay." "Now... mind the vowels." "Okay, but it's only been a couple of weeks." "I mean, you can't expect me to be perfect yet." "You know, like you guys." ""You guys"?" "Excuse me." "You know what I mean, you and Colleen." "Okay, I know you're not guys-- I mean, you're a woman..." "Wait, no, you're not." "You're a..." " I'm not a woman?" " Well, no, you are." "But you're a... you're a lady." "I mean..." "That's..." "Is that okay?" "That's not, um..." "What is that word?" "Uh... condescending..." " ...if I think of you as a lady?" " No, that's nice." "It's a lot better than "you guys."" "Oh, but wait, hold on a second." "I looked it up." "And it says, yes..." "So, "guys" has become acceptable slang in referring" "(Boston accent): to a group of non-gender... gender, gender-specific individuals." "Colleen never should've given you her annotated dictionary." "Slang is the purview of the Twitter set, and it is with good reason that Twitter begins with "twit."" "Now, let me hear the tongue twister." "How come I'm the one always trying to talk like... speak like you?" "I mean, not everyone in Boston speaks that way." "Much to my dismay." "You should say something regular for a change." "Why would I do that?" "How did you put it?" "Uh... (Boston accent): you are a practitioner of the art... the art of language." "I mean, if that's true, you should speak my dialect, you know?" "A little... quid pro quo, as it was..." "as it w... as it were." "As it were." "Unless you can't do it." "Hmm." "(Boston accent):" "You know, if you'd quit being such a chowderhead, I'd get you talking so wicked good they won't even know you're down round Somerville." "That was awesome!" "(laughs)" "That was killer awesome!" "If you tell Colleen, I'll deny that that ever happened." "Man, you're good." "You are a practitioner of the art of language." "(quietly):" "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" "It's been five weeks, and the deadline to announce his candidacy is fast approaching." "Which is why I am looking for... this." "My lucky pen." "Is that the same lucky pen that I used to sign my campaign documents?" "Is this how you're gonna win our friendly wager?" "By sabotage?" "My, my, politics apparently brings out the suspicious side of your nature." "I admit, originally," "I was skeptical." "But Elliot is showing some... great promise." "I would certainly consider voting for him over Andrew Bridgeworth." "You think he's ready for a short speech?" ""A proper coffee copy prop."" ""A proper copy croppy pop."" ""A croppy... a proper copy copy..." Darn it!" "Photo op." "Press release." "(snaps fingers)" "Great work." "ELLIOT:" "State Building?" "Why are we going here first?" "Well, this is where you have to file all your paperwork." "No, I'm pretty sure we just drop off the application at the beverage company." "What?" "What do you mean, "beverage company"?" "Oh, yes, about that..." "That's what we've been doing this whole time, right?" "With all the clothes and the lessons-- getting me ready to be a sales rep at the Boston Colony Beverage Company." "Actually, Elliot... we've been preparing you as a candidate for the House of Representatives in Washington, DC." "Perhaps I wasn't clear about that?" "You mean, like, Congress?" "Are you out of your minds?" "This is all simply just a..." "misunderstanding." "A mis... a misunderstanding?" "Are you serious?" "Are you kidding me right now?" "I mean, I think the misunderstanding is me thinking you two aren't... straight-up crazy!" "I'm gonna go put in my application at someplace where everyone isn't completely insane!" "Wait." "Elliot!" "(sighs)" "I was sure that... once we got this far, he would just go along with it." " But you didn't tell him, did you?" " I did." "In my own way." "Your own way?" "Which is pretty much like a steamroller-- you just decide a course of action and then roll over everybody who isn't on board?" "If it's the best course of action, then why wouldn't everyone be on board?" "Okay, Hannah, go ahead and be glib." "This time, you have really crossed the line." "♪ ♪" "(sighs)" "(door opens)" "Can I help you?" "Wait a minute." "As I live and breathe, is that Elliot Doolittle?" "Good morning, ladies." "My, my, my, you clean up good, son." "Don't he clean up good, Viv?" "Ooh la la, I will say so." "Good thing I'm not 20 years younger." "(chuckles)" "But wait, why are you dressed like that?" "Oh, you poor dear, did someone die?" " No, no, ma'am." "Nothing like that." " Oh, good." "I am here to get John Henkels' job as distribution rep." "I've been working on some things, and..." "I plan on being the best rep this company ever had." "You'd be real good at that." "Don't you think he'd be good at that, Viv?" "Awful good." "Real good." "So good." "Really good." "Aw, too bad, though." "Mr. Walters just offered the job to his nephew." "Yeah..." "He did?" "WILMA/VIVIAN:" "Yeah." " Yeah." " Just between us, the nephew?" "Let's just say he's real lucky his uncle owns a company," " ...you know what I'm saying?" "Sheesh." "VIVIAN:" "Mm-hmm." "Five cans short of a six-pack, you know?" "I mean, what are you gonna do?" "What can you do?" "What are you gonna do?" "Aw." "I'm sorry, Elliot." "Yeah." "Well, it's no big deal." "WILMA/VIVIAN:" "No." "All right." "WILMA:" "There's plenty of jobs." "But thank you very much." "I'm sorry, hon." "All right." "You guys have a good day." "Sorry, hon." "Come any time, Elliot." "You hang in there, honey." "Come in any time." "Oh, that breaks my heart." "Ah." "Oh, my God, that broke my..." "That broke my heart." "COLLEEN:" "It's been three days, and we haven't seen hide nor hair of Elliot Doolittle." "It seems we have two courses of action:" "You can either admit defeat..." "When have I ever given up on anything?" "Or we can resort to more drastic measures and you could apologize." "Oh, all right, I'm sorry." "Hannah." "I'm sorry." "Don't apologize to me." "Apologize to Mr. Doolittle." "(indistinct chatter)" "(horns honking)" "(dog barking)" "(foghorn blowing)" "(Elliot speaking indistinctly)" "ELLIOT: "The sheep were shorn with sharpened shears that showed the shearer's sharpening..."" "(doorbell buzzes)" ""The sheep were shorn with sharpened shears that showed the shearer's sharpening skills."" ""The sheep were shorn with sharpened shears that showed the shearer's sharpening skills."" ""The sheep were..."" "You were practicing." "No, I wasn't." "You know, proper manners would dictate that you invite me in." "Suit yourself." "That's a lovely picture." "Cute kids." "(tools jangling)" "I didn't realize you were married." "One of a number of things you failed to ask me." "I suppose I deserve that." "(Elliot grunts)" "(sighs)" "I'm not married." "It's my sister Bonnie and her family." "Frank died in a construction accident a few years back." "I'm so sorry to hear that." " Did he have life insurance?" " (scoffs)" "Life insurance?" "Do you know where you are?" "People around here are lucky enough to just have a job." "There's a job opening up in Congress." "And you decided to put me up for it all by yourself." "Without my consent." "Why?" "'Cause in your world, you think I talk like an idiot, so I must be one?" "No!" "No, you're not an idiot." "That's quite obvious." "We never could've... accomplished such great things in such a short period of time." "(sighs)" "You have an amazingly keen ear." "Your grasp of phonetics and the way you've adapted your grammar-- it's quite remarkable, really." "I've never..." "taught anyone like you." "You think you can just drop by here and flatter me a little." "Is that it?" "Flattery is beneath me." "Then what exactly are you doing here?" "You have such amazing potential." "When I think of the things that we could accomplish..." "And you have the audacity to accuse me of treating you unfairly?" "Okay, fine!" "Fine." "But... maybe some of this is your fault, too." "What?" "It infuriates me to see how low you have set your own bar." "Carrying kegs and fixing pipes is all fine and good, but... if you think that's the limit of your capabilities, then perhaps you are an idiot." "(car engine starting)" "Elliot?" "Good morning." "What a pleasure it is to see you." "It's very nice to see you, too." "Well, I must admit, the office has been a little dull these past few days." "I understand." "Come on in." "(both laugh)" "I trust everything is well?" " Things are great." " Good." "ELLIOT:" "Helmet comes off." "COLLEEN:" "No." "ELLIOT:" "Puck right into the face." "Loses a tooth." "COLLEEN:" "I don't believe it." "ELLIOT:" "But he still stops the puck." " Oh..." "ELLIOT:" "I mean, he is... toughest guy you've ever met." "Isn't this cozy?" "Oh, Elliot was just teaching me a few hockey terms." "Ask me what a hat trick is." "I really wouldn't dare." "Oh, I forgot to ask." "How's it going at the beverage company?" "I'm sure they are so lucky to have you." "Ah, the job went to the boss's nephew." "You know how it is." "I'm sorry to hear that, I really am." "Um, oh, so this is why I came back." "Here." "Um... you forgot that." " Sorry, I tried to fold it." " Is that it?" "I was hoping that Hannah's apology might make you rethink our campaign." "Apology?" "(laughing):" "That's... interesting." "Uh, she did say that I was infuriating, uh, and then she said it was my fault, and then, um, yeah, right before she stomped out of the house, she stated that I very well might be an idiot." "So... you know." "Admittedly, you-you know, you know, language better than I do, but" "I don't think that's what "apology" means." "Hannah, is that true?" "That is an absolute fabrication." "I do not stomp!" "Uh-huh, granted." "But you were supposed to go over to Elliot's to offer him an apology." "Did you?" "In a manner of speaking." "At the very least, it was implied." "Yeah, but I certainly couldn't have inferred it." "Oh, you wouldn't even know what that word means if I hadn't been drilling vocabulary into your skull for the last six weeks." "Even so, Elliot, you have come quite out of your way merely to return just a scarf." "So, if Hannah were to apologize for railroading you..." "Oh, "railroading" him?" "Shh." "Would you consider our proposal?" "Well, it'd depend on the apology." "I see." "Hannah?" "Elliot, there seems to have been a misunderstanding." "I assumed, incorrectly, that you had enough information to make a sensible decision and join us of your own accord." "You see, in that apology, some of the words seem to obscure the "I'm sorry" part." "Well, perhaps you will let me show you what I mean by "objectives" and "sensible decision."" "This is the Educational Enrichment Program that I chaired for the last six years." "Is that like a practice school for teachers?" "No, we take educational theories and put them into actual classrooms." "Colleen and I have focused most of our efforts on programs to help learning-disabled children, using visual, interactive techniques." "We've had a lot of success with pilot programs all over Boston." "Students with dyslexia, for example, have difficulty understanding numbers in their conceptual form." "This technique allows them to associate numbers with structures." "And using their hands allows for greater long-term comprehension." "WOMAN:" "Ariel?" "X equals 127.5?" "WOMAN:" "Exactly." "Our plan is to get schools to adopt these programs nationwide." "ELLIOT:" "What about you?" "What made you become an educator?" "People lose things." "Yeah, tell me about it." "Last week, my sister just couldn't find her keys." "We found 'em in the fridge." "Well, I was thinking more on a larger scale." "Like this car, for example." "Vehicles get lost or stolen all the time." "People lose their homes in fires." "Businesses go bankrupt at an alarming rate." "These major things in which we put such stock can be so easily lost." "Yeah, I get that." "I mean, a lot of our neighbors have been foreclosed." "The same could be said about a lot of people, I guess." "My mom passed away when I was eight, and my dad basically raised me and my little sister." "He taught me that the one thing in life that can never be taken away is education." "That's why our educational program and others like it are so important." "We give children something that can never be lost." "That's something that I was hoping to take to Washington." "That's something I was hoping you would take to Washington." "(sighs)" "You really think I could do this?" "Like, get elected and help people?" "I do." "But the important thing is that you believe it yourself." "I hope you'll consider it." "Okay." "Okay... you'll consider it?" "Nah, I just did." "I'm in." "(laughs)" "Okay." "Right here." "Right here." "(camera shutter clicking)" "(speaks quietly)" "You have to get down lower." "All right." "This is so embarrassing." "(speaks quietly)" "(speaks quietly)" "(speaks quietly)" "Listen to me." "Stand up straight." "Look confident." "Smile." "Yes, yes, yes!" "And..." "We got it." "We got it." "Hey." "("Hail to the Chief" plays)" "(laughter)" "(Frank clears his throat)" ""Local man enters race for vacant congressional seat."" "(applause, cheering and whooping)" "FRANK:" "I guess you really know you made it when the papers are calling you "local man."" "(laughter)" "Yeah, real funny." "You're cracking me up over here." "Hey, Elliot, when you get down there to Washington, you should appoint one of them commissions to find out why the Celtics ain't got no outside game no more." "And you should pass a law saying my wife can't start yelling at me until at least five minutes after I get in the door." "(laughter)" "And a law saying that happy hour's at least three hours." "I mean, come on." "(whooping)" "All right." "It's a top priority." "I'm gonna get right on it, all right?" "Yeah, Elliot." "MAN 2:" "Well done." "(overlapping chatter)" "MAN:" "That was funny." "And, uh..." "You know, my ma's pills." "Yeah." "She been taking the same medication all the time, and it seems like every year, they keep jacking up the cost." "Somebody should do something." "I think you're right." "I've reworked the speech for the PAC meeting." "Pearce?" "When Elliot gets here, will you have him come see me?" "Uh, there's someone here to see you." "I'd like a word or two with him myself." "And you would be?" "His ma!" "Why?" "You don't see the resemblance?" "Hannah." "So lovely to meet you." "(chuckles)" "This is Colleen." "Hello." "Hey." "I come down so's me and you can have us a talk, you know, mano a mano." "Can I offer you something to drink?" "You wouldn't happen to have a beer handy?" "No, no, I'm afraid we don't." "Coffee or tea perhaps?" "Can you make that coffee Irish?" "Nah?" "Well, I'm good, then." "Would... care to step into my office?" "It's funny." "We did a background check on Elliot before the campaign." "There was no mention of his mother." "Oh, probably 'cause we ain't got the same last name." "If you want to get all proper about it," "I'm Allie O'Malley- Doolittle-McClaren-Dabrowski." "Ain't that a mouthful?" "Certainly is." "As long as we're being blunt here, might as well come right out with it." "What's the racket you're running?" "Racket?" "No need to play coy with me, sister." "I know that folks give you money when you run for office." "That Bridgeworth fella's loaded." "So maybe you shake him down for some, so's Elliot will drop out of the race, right?" "Being his ma and all, I figure" "I'm entitled to part of the take." "Oh, no, no, you have it all wrong." "We are intent on getting your son elected to Congress." "Oh." "So you're running the long con is what you're doing." "You get him into office." "You get the kickbacks from the lobbyists." "So-called appearance fees." "And don't think I ain't heard of all that PAC money." "We believe your son's candidacy could actually help people." "(gulps) My Elliot?" "Mm-hmm." "You got to be kidding me." "That boy's always had more heart than brains." "But if he's going to be helping people, he might as well start with yours truly here." "I figure it might be worth your whiles to give me a little something-something." "One of them "stippends,"" "or stipends, whatever you call it." "You could consider me a consultant on how to handle my kid." "There's my baby boy!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Ma?" "What are you doing here?" "(grunts)" "Looky there." "You got him all dolled up!" "(sighs) I get the impression you won't want me showing up at every campaign stop." "Especially since my biggest question to anybody running for office is how they plan on preparing for the oncoming zombie apocalypse." "And that ain't gonna go over well with Elliot here, because he's afraid of zombies." "Is that so?" "Have we discovered your Achilles' heel?" "What?" "No." "I mean..." "listen, I..." "Zombies are unsettling." "We can all agree." "But, wait." "Hold on a second." "Are you going to let her turn this into a deliberation on zombies?" "Deliberation?" "Listen to Mr. Fancy Britches here." "How much cash do we have in the office?" "You are not seriously considering paying her?" "She is threatening to show up at every campaign event." "Plus, it'll give us insight into Elliot's history." "Just can't do it." " Ha-ha!" " We're prepared to make you a deal." "How does a grand sound?" "What?" "!" "No, no, no, do not encourage her." "She is not..." "Shut up." "Grown-ups are talkin' here." "(softly):" "Whoa." "Now, that's way too generous." "With that kind of money, I'd feel obligated to use it for something useful, like put it on the rent." "I just want to go have me a good time with some friends, get my drink on, maybe even put some money down on a pony or two." "So $100, $150's about as much as I could spend without, uh, feeling too bad about it." "You drive a hard bargain, but... you got yourself a deal." "Ah..." "ELLIOT: ...one of the most highly respected countries..." "I mean nations-- nations." "What is my problem?" "You've practiced this speech 1,000 times." "Just relax." "Relax?" "Well, yeah, okay, that's easy for you to say." " Relax." " Elliot, she's right." "And the Boston Civic Alliance is practically on your side already." "They were big supporters of Hannah's, and their president, Humphrey Rossdale, was my cochair over at New England Preparatory." "After the speech, just stick to generalities when talking to people." "COLLEEN:" "And breathe." "The first rule is always to just keep breathing." "(Elliot exhales loudly)" "ELLIOT:" "America has gone from being one of the most highly educated nations to 33rd." "As your representative in Congress," "I will pledge to make education a top priority." "(whispers):" "He's doing very well." "Yeah, we need to relax his gestures, but we're okay." "ELLIOT:" "In closing, it is my sincere desire that we guarantee that no child in our schools is denied access to the lifetime advantages that only education can provide." "Thank you very much." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Excuse me?" "Uh, thank you so much for joining us today, Mr. Doolittle." "What are your thoughts about the current cuts and how they're affecting education?" "We didn't prepare for a Q and A." "Uh, well... (inhales)" "(electronic feedback)" "(crowd murmuring)" "The cuts deeply affect our schools." "Um..." "You know, an example is my niece." "Her favorite teacher," "Mrs. Gunther, was laid off, and she was transferred to an already overcrowded classroom." "We need to figure out another way to balance the budget, because the ones paying for these cuts are the children." "(people murmuring in agreement)" "(quietly):" "Where did that come from?" "He's actually fielding the question." "ELLIOT:" "It's like... it's like the Three Stooges." "Oh, dear." "You know how it is when Moe pokes Curly in the eyes?" "Yeah, we just lost Hillary Townsend's vote." "Yeah, I think that's the least of our worries." "Well, that's what it's like with our kids." "Except we're not giving them the tools to stop him." "To go like... go like this." "(people groaning) So I'm asking you, do you really want Moe gouging our kids in the eyes?" "(scattered laughter)" "Thank you." "Yeah." "We'd-we'd like to thank Mr. Doolittle for... speaking to us today." "Remember, we are just five weeks away from the special election." "And now we'll adjourn for tea and cake." "(applause continues)" "Thank you so much." "(indistinct chatter)" "HUMPHREY:" "I must say, there is a... folksy populism to him." "And according to our straw polls, he's leading Andrew Bridgeworth by three to one with women voters." "We're working on... broadening his frame of reference." "You mean the Q and A." "I love the Three Stooges." "I think he's onto something there." "(indistinct chatter)" "♪ ♪" "We'll work on aspects of your speech, but... for your first foray into public speaking, you did really well." "Yeah?" "Thank you." "You know, I was a little scared at first, but, uh, you know, after a while, it just... it was just like being me, you know, talking to people." "Hey." "Hey, Bon." "So, you must be the mystery lady" "I was hearing so much about, huh?" "I was wondering..." " ...when we was gonna get a look at you." " Hannah, ...allow me to introduce you to my sister, Bonnie Cleary." " This is Hannah Higgins." " Pleasure to meet you." "Oh, no, trust me, sister, the pleasure's all mine." "Uh, Skootch, you want to do me a favor, go check on Junior for me?" "He was heading in the backyard with his Little League bat and his "smash something" face." "(chuckles) "Skootch"?" "Oh, no, that's nothing." "No, see, it's actually, it's from when we was kids." "You had to watch this one all the time." "He'd skootch out of his clothes, go running down the block." "You know, Bon, I don't think she wants to hear about that." " Mmm, maybe I do." " Yeah, neighbors was always bringing him back..." " ...wrapped in dish towels..." " I'm gonna go check on Junior." "I'll see you in the morning?" "BONNIE:" "You better skootch out of that suit first." "ELLIOT:" "Yeah, I'm gonna skootch you." "It was lovely to meet you." "What's your rush?" "You should come in for coffee." "Oh, I really should be on my way." "No." "You're coming in for coffee." "You and me should, uh..." "we should have a little chat." "Besides, you're parked right here already even, huh?" " Uh..." " Oh, no, don't sweat it." "Your car'll be fine, huh?" "Uh..." "Hey, John?" "John!" "This lady's a friend of mine, okay?" "So her car's gonna be fine." "Okay?" "If not, I'm gonna hunt you down and make earrings out of your kidneys, okay?" "Right this way." "Make yourself comfortable." "Not there-- that chair's wicked rickety." "(chair squeaks against floor)" "(glassware clinking)" "ELLIOT:" "I am the warlock." "Here is my... (yelling)" "(makes high-pitched cawing noise)" "(high-pitched cawing)" "I wonder what I would have done without my kid brother there." "We was barely scraping by before my husband Frank died." "And after, well... he was barely in the ground before the wolves from the bank started threatening to throw us out of here." "(laughter and indistinct chatter from outside)" "I got something of a proud streak." "I'd rather chew off an arm than ask for help." "So I didn't say nothing." "First thing I know, there was Elliot." "He's standing in the hall." "He'd given up his apartment, he'd sold all his stuff." "He's standing there with a check for his security deposit and everything he had in the bank." "We're not on easy street by a long shot, but, uh, thanks to him, we're not on the street, neither." "Coffee's ready." "I'll, uh..." "I'll let you doctor it up yourself." "I'm always afraid I'll put too much of one or the other." "Thank you." "So what's going on with you and my brother?" "I mean, he gets with you, and all of a sudden, he's-he's talking different." "He's dressing different." "He's getting these big ideas in his head about running for office." "I appreciate your directness." "It frustrates me when women sidestep an issue for the sake of politeness." "That ain't never been my problem." "Let me assure you that in no way did your brother get with me." "Even so, he is an adult, and he's free to conduct his own affairs." "Hey, hey, hey, don't get your Irish up." "I got good reason for asking." "He's a grown man, yeah, but he's also a nice guy, and women have taken advantage of that in the past." "Always getting him to do crazy stuff." "That started with Ma." "The inimitable Allie?" "I'm not even sure what that means, but I take it by that, you've met her?" "She's a piece of work, our ma, huh?" "Yes." "She is a piece of work." "You still haven't answered my question." "You want to know what my intentions are towards your brother?" "Yeah." "I intend to run him for Congress." "I got that part." "Look, what I'm asking is, what are your intentions, you know, personal?" "You misunderstand the situation." "I intend to get your brother elected to Congress." "In no way do we have a personal relationship." "Honey, every relationship is personal." "You don't believe that, maybe you got the misunderstanding of the situation." "ELLIOT:" "Ow!" "Ow!" "Oh, too much hair, too much hair." "I am deeply offended!" "(slaps podium)" "I am offended by the way that you are characterizing my position on the issues." "HANNAH:" "And how do you respond?" "I didn't mean to upset her." "No, she's not upset;" "she's Andrew Bridgeworth." " Oh." " And he probably will say something like that to get you to fly off the handle and say something rash." "And don't talk to me;" "I'm the moderator." "Talk to the voters in the audience." "Right." "Okay, sorry." "Let's do it again." "I am appalled, I tell you, about how you have misrepresented my position!" "Perhaps my mistake has been to imply that my opponent actually has a position." "Because, frankly, besides offering vague political platitudes, I have yet to hear" "Mr. Bridgeworth take a solid stand on any of the matters that we all face." "And I think the voters deserve better than that." "I think you're ready." "Yes!" "I am ready to represent the hardworking people of the state of Massachusetts." "No, I was being Hannah that time." "Oh." "(chuckles)" "Right." "Sorry." "Well, thank you." "(crowd cheering)" "♪ I'm gonna tell you about my town ♪" "♪ I'm gonna tell you a big fat story, baby ♪" "♪ Ah, it's all about my town ♪" "♪ Yeah, down by the river ♪" "Hey, how are you?" "Good to see you." "Wow, you're really serious about this." "Well, I'm a man of the people, right?" "Well, the people you're referencing-- this is what we do." "Oh... oh, no, no, no." "You're not seriously gonna make me wear those, are you?" "Do you know how many feet have been in there?" "Relax, Cinderella." "No one has ever died from bowling shoes." "Or bowling, for that matter." "So, take your shoes... and smile for the cameras." "Thank you, everyone, for coming out tonight." "I really look forward to hearing your thoughts about what I should do in Washington, but first, let's roll a few!" "(crowd cheering)" "♪ I mean, they're frustrated ♪" "♪ Had to be in by 12:00 ♪" "♪ Oh, that's a shame ♪" "♪ But I'm wishing... ♪" "Just hold it like I showed you." "One hand off." "Put this up on your fingers." "Finger here, finger here." "This here." "There you go." "Now you just got to relax." "You're a little stiff." "Now move the hips." "Aim." "Aim." "(chuckles)" "I've got it." "♪ Oh, Boston, you're my home ♪" "(shrieks)" "ALL:" "Oh!" " Oh, my God." "Are you all right?" "Yeah." "Nothing wounded but my pride." "Knowing you, that'll recover in no time." "Oh, look!" "Look, look!" "Go, ball!" "Go, ball!" "Go!" "ALL:" "Oh..." "Yes!" "Oh, there it is!" "One more turn." "Roll, ball." "One more." "Oh, yes!" "(cheering)" "Unbelievable!" "ELLIOT:" "Wow..." " Yes!" "Yes!" "You should quit while you're ahead." "I'm just getting started." "(laughs)" "(cheering)" "MAN: ...people around here, they don't have what we had." "That's kind of the situation here." "ELLIOT:" "I agree." "They shouldn't take it out on anyone else." "You've done all you can do." "You got to write to me." " Sure." " All right, thanks so much." "I really appreciate it." "That's the third bunch of guys that has said the same thing." "You know that big road construction project that's supposed to bring in all these new jobs?" "The contracts all have been awarded to Hipark Construction, a subsidiary of ABcorp." "Which is owned by Andrew Bridgeworth." "Exactly." "And they plan on bringing in all their own men." "They probably won't be doing any local hires." "And that sort of thing is only gonna get worse if he's elected to Congress." "I thought tonight was very informative." "And I look forward to taking your thoughts and concerns with me to Washington." "Thank you, thank you very much for your support." "Any questions?" "(reporters clamor)" "Ms. Higgins, last year, you lost a bid for the same congressional seat" "Mr. Doolittle's running for." "Do you find it easier to be running a campaign instead of being a candidate yourself?" "Each one presents its own challenges." "But I feel that Elliot is exactly the kind of man we all need representing our interests." "MAN:" "Have you seen your bowling video?" "Bowling video?" "Video's already going viral." "(screams) (crowd laughing) 20,000 hits." "(laughing continues)" "All of my life, I've been involved in education." "Tonight, I was reminded that there is nothing more educational than-- as my colleague Elliot would put it-- as falling on my butt." "(crowd laughing)" "(applauding)" "We're two weeks out from the election, and the latest polling numbers have us out front of Bridgeworth by seven points." "(phone ringing)" "Uh, I have to take this." "Would you give me a moment?" "Elliot." "Elliot Doolittle." "But it looks like, in the men over 50 demographic, our lead narrows." " All right." " Yes, they do seem to be Bridgeworth's biggest supporters." "How do we reach those people?" "Uh, I have to leave for an hour or two." "Is everything okay?" "Oh, yeah, it's fine." "It's, uh, just a family thing." "(siren whoops in distance)" "I know exactly how much dough was in my purse." "Don't think I ain't gonna count it." "I'd expect no less." "Now, Allie..." "I don't want to hear about no more altercations at the racetrack." "Why don't you pick on someone your own size." "Ain't that what they always say?" "(laughs)" "Ma, you punched a jockey." "Anybody'd have done the same." "That filly was a sure thing, on the outside." "He ran her right along the fence." "Hey, you're just lucky that little fella isn't pressing charges." "Figures he's never gonna hear the end of it around the paddock if they know he got his clock cleaned by an old lady." "Call me an old lady one more time, see if I don't climb across that counter and give you something..." "Ma, settle down." "Let's just get out of here." "Come on, get your stuff." "All right." "Thank you." "No problem, Elliot." "Hey, see if you can keep her out of here for, uh, I don't know, six months this time?" "Yeah, right." "(laughs)" "Good luck." "OFFICER:" "Got to get moving." "♪ ♪" "ALLIE:" "Whoa, stop!" "ALLIE:" "Where's the bar?" "WOMAN:" "Thinking about voting for Elliot Doolittle?" "Think again." "Elliot Doolittle claims he's a man of the people..." "Are you seeing this?" "It's appalling." "Exactly what kind of people is he talking about?" "Elliot Doolittle is not just soft on crime." "Elliot Doolittle maintains an ongoing relationship with a repeat offender." "Are you willing to elect a member of a crime family to Congress?" "I'm Andrew Bridgeworth, and I approve this message." "Oh! "Crime family"?" "First of all, that ad is positively libelous." "And second, how is getting arrested in keeping with our agreement to lay low?" "I want my $150 back!" "(sighs)" "BRIDGEWORTH:" "I stand behind all the statements we've made in our ads." "These accusations are salacious." "MODERATOR:" "Do you mean "fallacious?"" "Yeah, that, too." "Are you saying Mr. Bridgeworth is lying?" "(Elliot sighs)" "ELLIOT:" "Well, technically, no." "(audience murmurs)" "The "crime family" part is misleading." "It's ridiculous." "Okay, my mother has a record." "I think we all have family members that do things we might not agree with." "Do I support all the choices that my mother has ever made?" "No." "Do I support my mother?" "Always." "(applause) MAN:" "All right!" "(approving murmurs)" "MAN:" "Yeah!" "MAN 2:" "Well put!" "Thank you." "Thank you." "I think you've absolutely taken the right position in supporting your mother." "It's just a no-win situation." "Now, unfortunately, we're looking at a drop in the polls that puts us in a dead heat with Bridgeworth." "(phone ringing)" "Got to take this." "All right." "Sarah, one minute, please." "Elliot Doolittle!" "(distorted voice):" "Elliot Doolittle?" "Sorry, I can't hear you." "Can you hear me?" "Excuse... can you speak up?" "I have some information that can turn your whole campaign around." "But I'm only gonna give it to you." "Meet me in one hour, in Lee's Pub." "Come alone." "And that's all he said." "Well, I think it's very suspicious how he's playing this on the down low." ""Down low"?" "Seriously?" "You're gonna say that with a straight face?" "Hannah, I'm sorry, but this is exactly what it is." "Okay." "Well, whatever's going on, we have one week till the election, and it's anybody's race at this point." "We could use any advantage we could get." "(sighs) I'm going." "(rock music plays inside)" "(indistinct talking, laughing)" "Excuse me." "(sighs)" " Hey." "Elliot Doolittle..." " Yeah, I know who you are." "With the posters and the TV commercials, you're kind of hard to miss." "Okay." "And you are?" "Someone who's looking to keep this on the down low, let's say." ""Down low."" "Colleen was right." "Excuse me?" "No, nothing." "Go on." "I will say me and a lot of the boys think you're getting a bum rap." ""The boys"?" "Maybe some boys down at the station." "But you didn't hear nothing from me." "Mug shots and arrest reports." ""Veronica Maxwell"?" "Currently better known as Jessica Bridgeworth." "Seems like, back in college, your opponent's wife was quite the kleptomaniac." "You'll see six different shoplifting arrests over the course of three years." "Maybe you're not the only one from a "crime family."" "(knocks on the table)" "Our investigator says this all checks out." "What are we supposed to do with it?" "Who in the media do we know who we can slip this to?" "But it can't look like it came from us." "Well, you're right." "It has to look..." " ..." "like it came from an outside source." " Now, hold on." "Are we sure that we really want to do this?" "I mean, this woman has children, who I bet know nothing about this." "These arrests happened 20 years ago." "I mean, is she really a threat to the public or a reason her husband shouldn't hold office?" "Well, I think we can all agree the answer's no." "Yeah, all this does is embarrass our opponent." "And I thought you didn't want to run a dirty campaign." "That was before he started playing dirty." "This was the same man who lambasted you and accused you of doing the exact same thing." "I can't stand for that kind of hypocrisy." "Yeah, but his wife isn't the candidate." " Neither is your mother." " Exactly!" "And it's wrong what they're saying about my mother, so how do you justify doing the exact same thing to his wife?" "I don't know." "Look." "I know that, these days, everybody's entire history, their every mistake, is on the Internet." "And it makes people think that their personal life is fair game." "But just because things are one way, it doesn't mean that we can't strive for something better." "What do you want to do with all this information?" "Oh, you guys are too kind to come out here." "It's 5:30 in the morning, we should all be back in bed, so I really appreciate you coming out this early." "(indistinct conversations, phone ringing)" "(cheering, applauding)" "(indistinct conversations)" "You guys are doing a great job." "Hey!" " Hey, how you doing?" " All right." "(cheering, applauding)" "Want to get a little closer?" "Whoop, there they are!" "Come here!" "You gonna come out to the polls?" "You promise me?" "Sure I am." "Great." "Thanks a lot." "Come here!" "(laughs)" "We can't skimp on the investment we're making in our children's future." "We are 33rd in the world right now." "...smaller classrooms, there's too many kids." "We need scholarships, math and science scholarships." "It is my number one priority." "...ready for tomorrow..." "No, no, no!" "Please tell Sarah I need her here." "I know what it's like to struggle from paycheck to paycheck." "I've struggled to make ends meet, and to provide for my loved ones, and that is the perspective that I'm going to bring with me to Washington." "(cheering)" "Thank you." "(indistinct conversations, phone ringing)" "Yeah." "Thank you." "(cheering)" "Yeah, hey, how are you?" " Hey, man." "Good to see you." " All right!" "ELLIOT:" "Ooh, man." "Oh, please tell me that's the last one." "I promise." "(laughs in relief)" "I think we're ready." "Yeah." "Yeah." "So, um... we'll..." "well, I guess, uh..." "I guess we should say good night." "Tomorrow's a big day." "Right." "Good night." "How do you feel about me?" "About you?" "Yeah." "You know, my chances in the election." "Are you... are you scared?" "Are you nervous?" "I-I have a hard time reading you sometimes." "And by sometimes, I mean... always." "Oh." "Am I nervous?" "At this point, I think we've done all we can." "We've addressed the issues." "We've stated our positions." "It's all in the voters' hands at this point." "There's nothing to be nervous about." "Yeah." "Okay." "Yeah, there's no reason to be nervous." "Why?" "Are you?" "I am, like, crazy nervous." "I know exactly what you mean." "It's so not like me." "I am, like, 50% kid night before Christmas," "I am 50% kid, like, on a scary high dive, and then I'm 50%, like, I don't even..." "I don't even know what." "Well, that would be..." "really add up to like 150..." "I know that the numbers don't add up, but, like, this whole thing doesn't add up." "I mean, think about me three months ago, and then think about me now." "Tomorrow, I could be United States Congressman." "That is... it's mind-blowing." "I know exactly what you mean." "I-I was never this nervous during my own campaign." "I was so logical." "Everything was so clear." "Now..." "I don't know." "Things are different." "I'm sorry." "I'm usually not at a loss for words." "(chuckles)" "That is true." "Hannah..." "I want you to know how grateful I am for everything that you've done, and I... and I just..." "I hope, no matter what happens tomorrow, that, um..." "that I don't disappoint you." "Whatever happens, I don't think you ever could." "Elliot Doolittle." "(chuckles)" "You got my vote." "Oh, thank you very much." "All right." "Hey." "Uh, can I pick your brain for a second?" "Yeah." "Uh..." "I've got some ideas" "I wouldn't mind running by you." "I'm going to say good night." "So, anyway, I..." "Good night." "(continues speaking indistinctly)" "Hey." "Oh, wow, you look great." "Oh, well, there are going to be photographers there." "Right?" "So..." "Yeah." "Um... so, would it be a problem if Bonnie and the kids came with us?" "You know, the kids are real excited, but Bonnie didn't want to intrude." "Thought it was, like, a date or something." "A date?" "To vote?" "(chuckling):" "No, that would..." "that would be so silly, right?" "Right?" "Yeah." "So silly." "Okay." "Right?" "Right?" "Yeah." "Um..." "Okay." "All right." "Hey, guys, let's go." "Okay." "Here we go." "All right, be careful." "BONNIE:" "Hey, hey, slow down." "Knock it off!" "The polls are open all day." "ELLIOT:" "Take it easy on them." "They're just kids." "Right." "You had my morning, you'd be yelling, too." "Hi." "Thank you very much." "ELLIOT:" "Buckle up." "Buckle up." "BONNIE:" "Yeah, they know how cars work." "All right, everybody set?" "Fingers and toes?" "BONNIE:" "Yes." "ELLIOT:" "J.J., remember, you're A-Team." "BONNIE:" "A-Team, where's my button?" "NEWSCASTER:" "Polls are opening early this morning as the special election gets underway." "Already, there are reports of heavy voter turnout in this hotly contested race between political outsider Elliot Doolittle and businessman Andrew Bridgeworth." "It's-it's over here?" "Oh... okay." "Uh, Elliot Doolittle-- I have worked with him for the last eight years, and he never called in once." "That is responsibility." "NEWSCASTER:" "Exit polling shows a significant blue collar turnout for Elliot Doolittle." "The beer vendor turned congressional candidate had jumped out to an early lead over his rival, Andrew Bridgeworth." "Ah, that Elliot." "You know, he's one of our own." "He's like family around here." " He's practically like a..." " Not like a son." "No." "No, no, no, no, 'cause neither one of us is really..." "We're not old enough..." "To have a son that age." " More like a kid brother." " Oh, I like that." "That's good." "(indistinct chatter)" "One time, I seen him juggle three kegs." "Okay, they were..." "they were mini-kegs, and they was empties, but in my book, anybody who can do that is cut out for that circus in Washington." "Know what I'm saying?" "NEWSCASTER:" "As a wider sampling of exit polls comes in," "Andrew Bridgeworth seems to be taking the lead over Elliot Doolittle." "ALLIE:" "You know, all that talk that Bridgeworth fella was spreading was lies." "Crime family?" "Ha!" "I'd like to get a hold of that guy and give him a wicked case of what for." "That's what I would do." "(crowd cheering)" "Ah, there you go." "(laughs)" "REPORTER:" "Well, Keith, for those of us on the ground here, the race is still too close to call, with Doolittle now moving ahead of Bridgeworth." " You know, if Elliot gets elected..." " Mm-hmm." "folks around here are going to want a party." "Oh, my God, we're going to have us a ripper." "Oh, and it's not like we don't have enough beer for it." " Ha!" " It's going to be a mad ripper." "A wicked mad ripper." "What?" "!" "NEWSCASTER:" "With nearly 75% of the polling places now closed, it appears that Andrew Bridgeworth has a small but significant lead over Elliot Doolittle." "MAN:" "Taxi!" "(crowd cheering)" "ELLIOT:" "Thank you!" "Thank you." "Thank you." "Thank you very much." "Thank you so much." "Thank you." "(chuckles)" "You, you, you." "Thank you." "I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support." "Um, in particular, I'd like to thank" "Hannah Higgins and Colleen Pickering for the unenviable task of guiding me through this entire process." "You got that right." "It has been a thrilling journey." "Uh, one that has led me to be standing before you this evening." "(cheering and applause)" "Now, uh, nearly all the precincts have been counted, the margin is razor-thin... (crowd murmuring) ...but it is now time to offer my congratulations to my opponent on a well-fought campaign and wish him the best" "as our newest United States Congressman." "(crowd groaning)" "ELLIOT:" "No, no." "MAN:" "Don't quit!" "Don't quit!" "It's okay." "It's okay." "(chuckling)" "Uh, while we concede the election," "I want all of you to know that in no way does this nullify your involvement or diminish the ideals that you've embraced." "We will continue to work hard to accomplish our goals." "I hope you will do the same." "(applause)" "Thank you very much!" "Bring it in." "Hey, sis." "CROWD:" "Elliot!" "Elliot!" "Elliot!" "Elliot!" "Elliot!" "Thank you so much." "Oh, you're going to get 'em next time." "I'm not sure I have a next time planned, but thank you for your kind words." "WOMAN (over TV):" "I don't know." "I-I really liked Elliot Doolittle, so it was hard to decide." "But then there was all that stuff the other guys was saying, and it made it even harder to decide." "When I think about all the struggles and the sacrifices I went through raising my kid and his sister-- poor single ma and all-- break your heart." "Maybe they could do a TV movie about me." "Who could I talk to about that?" "Huh?" "Who can I...?" "MAN:" "Don't touch that." "Let me tell you, even if he wasn't blood," "I'd still vote for him 'cause you are just not going to find a more stand-up kind of guy than Elliot Doolittle." "And, uh..." "At the very least, it was a noble defeat." "You can keep your nobility." "I wish we had taken the kid gloves off and wiped the floor with that Bridgeworth creep." "Why, Miss Higgins, if I didn't know better," "I would swear you have gone from being an idealist to a politician." "It has been a thrilling journey..." "COLLEEN:" "He did give a lovely concession speech." "One never would have guessed he was delivering beer kegs a few months ago." "Kudos to you, I suppose." "Kudos to us both." "I guess I'll be moving into your office pretty soon." "Yes." "Fair is fair." "I fully plan on squaring things up between the two of us." "Good." "And Elliot?" "What about the two of you?" "Oh, please." "Don't be ridiculous." "There is no "two of us."" "I actually was just thinking about how it's time to release our charge back into the wild." "COLLEEN:" "Really?" "How do you propose to return him back to his natural habitat?" "Suppose we could just open the doors and let him run free." "You think he would just wander out?" "We could drop him off at a hockey game with a six-pack of beer." "(laughing):" "Oh, you're terrible." "Stop." "Okay." "If you insist on being so gentle," "I suppose I could pin a note to him and leave him in a basket outside an Irish pub." "You can just put it in the trunk." "What are you doing?" "You'll want the clothes back, too, right?" "What?" "Why would I want your clothes?" "For the next guy you experiment on." "Don't you mean, "On whom we decide to experiment"?" "Whatever." "Okay, this was a rough night on all of us, but you don't need to take it out on me." "Go home, have yourself a beer, and you'll feel better in the morning." "I'll tell you what." "Why don't you just drop me off at a hockey game with a six-pack of beer?" "Or maybe you could leave me in a basket outside an Irish pub." "If I had known that you were so thin-skinned," "I would have checked earshot." "But, obviously, you're intent on extracting an apology from me, so I will indulge you." "I'm deeply sorry if I offended you." "Really?" "Don't patronize me after what I've done for you." "For me?" "You came to me wanting to be a beverage rep." "I think that you're more than qualified to go back to your beer and your Bruins." "You're welcome." "Don't act like you've done me favors, okay?" "I was pretty happy before." "I was happy taking care of my own family, doing the occasional good deed downtown." "I showed you that we are all required to stand up against inequality, complacency and injustice." "How awful of me." "But you always said that we could accomplish something together." "Right?" "And now we have one setback, and you're... and you're ready to call it quits." "I would call it a lot more than a setback." "We lost the election." "And how quickly after that did you decide to dump me?" "I'm not going to hold your hand." "Yes, there are things that are wrong with this world." "You are a grown-up." "Go out there." "Do something." "Make a difference." "Can I help you?" "Uh, uh, excuse me." "HANNAH:" "Oh, great." "Another stalker with a camera." "That's the perfect way to end this." "(car door opens and closes)" "(engine starts)" "Any luck?" "Wires are shot." "Okay, well, don't sweat it." "Have a beer." "Thank you." "You don't got to fix the buzzer." "She comes to see you, I'm sure she can knock like a normal human being." "I don't know what you're talking about." "No?" "You've been mooning around here for the last couple of days." "Mooning?" "I haven't been mooning." "Yeah, you have." "You're like a lost pup." "Geez, just go talk to her." "Nope, we had a fight." "You had a fight-- what's that mean?" "It means it's..." "it's done." "It's over, Bon." "You don't know that." "She said it." "She said it-- oh, all right." "And, of course, you've been in politics long enough to know that people never say things they don't mean." "(groans)" "Oh, God." "I miss fighting." "That's crazy." "No, it ain't." "You know Frank and I loved each other." "But sometimes I'd get on his nerves." "Really?" "That's hard to believe, sister." "Or he'd do something so absolutely knuckleheaded..." "God, just... bam-- the gloves would come off." "We'd be going the rounds, you know." "But no matter how loud or ticked-off we'd get, it was always... it was okay." "You know?" "It was just shaking the dust off." "It was like it meant we were both still in it." "We were still paying attention, yeah." "The day I figured out" "I could fight with that man was the day" "I figured I could marry him." "Well, you know, she's different, Bon." "She's got no reason to be around me." "You know, or us or this place?" "You know?" "She's got no reason." "Well, maybe you should stop hanging out around here." "Go give her a reason." "♪ ♪" "(laughs softly)" "I don't think he'd be hard to find." "I didn't realize that knocking had gone out of fashion." "Oh, I didn't realize it was required, considering your door was open." "That's no excuse for sneaking up on me." "Well, your definition of sneaking leaves room for debate." "Am I leaving myself open for a debate?" "Hannah, you've been trying to start an argument for the better part of a week now." "But that doesn't give you any reason to get" "(with Boston accent): all wicked smart..." " ...with me." " Why do you insist on speaking that way?" "You are just trying to goad me." "Hannah, I know you are valiantly trying to defend the English language, but it is alive and well." "English has been changing ever since we first spoke it, and it will continue to evolve until we have spoken the last of it." "But you and I both know the issue at hand has nothing to do with slang." "I don't think that you have any idea, actually." "I believe I do." "You and I have been partners for ten years." "I've known you since you were a little girl." "I think I have a very good idea of what's going on." "(keys jingle)" "Go." "♪ ♪" "(doorbell rings)" "Hey, stranger." "Why don't you come on in?" "Just put up a fresh pot of coffee." " (laughing):" "I swear to God." " No." "So, is Elliot..." "No, I, uh... got no idea where that brother of mine is." "You're saying he left?" "No, no, uh..." "I'm saying he took off this morning without so much as a "see you later."" "Oh, I see." "I seen your little dustup outside the hotel." "It was on the Internet." "Yes." "That." "It seems everyone has cameras on his or her cell phone these days." "Well, you're probably really busy, so I won't take up more of your time." "Thank you for the coffee." "You want I should tell Elliot you stopped by?" "Yes." "I suppose I do." "I'm not really sure why I came." "In fact..." "if you must say anything, tell him things are going really well at the office." "The most noticeable difference is how much more room there is." "He really did seem to take up a lot of space." "Yeah." "He's a big fella, my brother." "And loud, too" " I'm sure that you've noticed." "It's amazing how much quieter things are now that he's not in the office." "Which is good because so much had been neglected due to the campaign." "Things are really, really busy at work, which is good because it's amazing how much slower time passes now that he's not around." "Perhaps it's better if you say nothing at all." "(door opens)" "ELLIOT:" "Say nothing to whom?" "Professor Higgins, good afternoon." "How are you?" "Quite well." "Thank you for asking." "I guess I should... be getting back to the office." "Well, say hi to Colleen for me." "I owe her a lot." "Just her?" "Well, I think the biggest difference in me now isn't how I speak or how I act, but how I expect to be treated." "Before Colleen had any reason to, she treated me like a gentleman." "But you, you, uh... well, you treated me like an experiment." "Oh, for crying out loud, I treat everybody that way!" "I really should go." "(door opens and closes)" "Ow!" "There's more where that came from." "Go get her." "Go!" "Get her-- go, go, go." "Hannah!" "I have a proposition." "I'm listening." "You were right, you know?" "And I decided I should do something." "So, I was just downtown in a meeting with a political consultant." "There's a lot that can be done right here in Boston." "The mayor's up for reelection." "And a lot of people agree that he's vulnerable to the right candidate." "I get it." "I think you would be a great candidate." "I'm not." "You have the passion, you have the ideas." "It's just your people skills that are a little lacking." "That's not an insult;" "it's just a fact." "But it's a fact I can help you with." "I don't know." "I..." "After that failed bid for Congress and those embarrassing Internet videos..." "No, that's a funny thing about those-- they're not liabilities." "The consultant I met with-- excuse me-- with whom I met, he did some polling." "The words and phrases that people are using most often in reference to you are:" ""feisty," "human"" "and "someone I'd like to have a beer with."" "Really?" "(laughing):" "Yeah." "Now... just got to find someone who can teach you about beer." "Or... bowling." "I'd really like to get better at bowling." "Lady, today could be your lucky day." "♪ I'm gonna tell you a story ♪" "♪ I'm gonna tell you about my town ♪" "♪ I'm gonna tell you a big fat story, baby ♪" "♪ Ah, it's all about my town ♪" "♪ Well, I love that dirty water ♪" "♪ Oh, Boston, you're my home ♪" "♪ Ah, you're the number one place ♪" "♪ Well, I love that dirty water... ♪" "Thank you for joining us for tonight's Hallmark Hall of Fame movie." "Hallmark Channel will present encore broadcasts of "The Makeover", beginning in one week." "Check your local listings." "Join the Hallmark Hall of Fame again on Sunday, April 21, for "Remember Sunday", starring Alexis Bledel and Zachary Levi." "Hallmark Hall of Fame movies, including "The Makeover", are available on DVD exclusively at Hallmark Gold Crown Stores" "The Hallmark Hall of Fame is brought to you by Hallmark." "When you care enough to send the very best."