"(woman on television) Oh, Trevor." " Take me with you." " Take her, Trevor." "Take her." "No." "No, he can't." "(Trevor) No." "No, I can't." "The world of the submarine is far too dangerous for a woman." "(woman) I don't care." "I don't have to be alive to love you." "Oh, that's... that's beautiful." "See, Cory?" "Wasn't that a good movie?" "(snores)" "Cory!" "You're drooling." "No." "No, I-I-I was crying." "Through my mouth." "If you're bored, why don't you go upstairs and watch the game with your father?" "Oh, hon, anyone can watch the Super Bowl, right?" "I mean, it takes a special man to watch a classic like this." "Is that what you are, Cor?" "A special man?" "Huh?" " Eric." "What are you doing?" " I'm saving a life." "Listen to me." "You and Topanga spent the last three Friday nights at home, tearing up at chick flicks." "Excuse me, last Friday night, if you recall," "Topanga and I spent a lovely evening at home, watching no TV whatsoever." "You made jam!" "It was preserves, Eric." "It was preserves." "It was a nifty little recipe in this Couples magazine, see?" "I told them I was married to get a subscription discount." "Are you blind in the eyes, man?" "Huh?" "You and Topanga are turning into an old, boring couple." "Eric, Topanga and I have been going out for five months, all right?" "And in our circle, we are considered young and hip." "(Topanga) Hon, how are the muffins doing?" " I'll stick a fork in 'em, hon." " Hey!" "Hey, hey, hey, hey!" "If you go near that oven, I'll stick a fork in you." " You wouldn't." " Oh, I'd be doing you a favor." "Oh, stop being such a wisenheimer." "Who said that?" "You did, Pops." "Shawn, there you are." "Quick, tell me about your weekend." " A lot of dates, I bet." "Huh?" " Who counts?" "Six." "I want you to tell me about them." "Every single one." "Tell me like your life depended on it." "Cory, I'm no rocket scientologist, but, uh..." "I'm sensing there's something wrong." "What makes you think something's wrong?" "Does my life have to be in a horrible boring rut to ask you how your weekend was?" "Come on!" "Throw a bone to your buddy." "No." "You doubled with your folks again." "Only on Friday and Saturday." "But Sunday, it was just me and Topanga at the mall." "Yep." "She bought me slacks." "Oh, Cory." "I think you have a problem." "Yeah, I think so too." "But you, my friend, are in luck, 'cause come on." "What am I the world's biggest expert on?" "Really, not anything." "OK." "OK, but I do know a lot about love." "And it sounds to me like you and Topanga are in a slump." "No, no." "We're terrific, Shawn." "It's just..." "It's me." "I've lost my edge." "I'm not the same old dangerous Cory." "Yeah, there's been talk." " Really?" " No." "Look..." "Here's your answer." "OK." "I got a special invite tonight to a dance at Hamilton High." "Why don't you come with me?" "Wear your new slacks." "Really, a party at another school..." "You know, this could be just what I need." "Wait." "Wait, I have plans with Topanga tonight." "Change 'em." "Tell her you need a night out with the boys." "Come on, there she is now." "Why don't you go talk to her?" "OK, I will." "But this is not gonna be easy." "The key is to be direct and vague, yet obvious, and subtle." "Most important, I must stick to my guns no matter what she throws at me." "Hi, Cory." "I can't go." "Cory, about tonight..." "Can we reschedule?" "Some of the girls are getting together," " and if it's all right with you..." " Oh, don't speak." "Don't speak." "If you need to get together with the girls of your gender, I completely understand." "Cory, have you been reading Couples magazine?" " I took the quiz in the back. 95." " Ooh." "95?" "Is that your score or your age?" "Yo, Matthews." "Wait up." "Uh, your paper on Of Mice and Men," "I got some serious questions about it." "Like, uh where is it?" "Well, I can't find the book anywhere." "I've been to every pet store in the city." "I did find this pamphlet on land turtles." "I'll do you a favor." "I'll lend you my copy." "Hey, here's your pamphlet." "Matthews, how's your journalism project going?" "In what?" "Journalism." "You're supposed to analyze the evening news." "Oh, that's right." "I did." "Here, walk with me." "Let's talk." " You want a paper too, don't you?" " Yes." "Oh, Mr. Matthews." " Very interesting essay on Joan of Arc." " Ah." "Finally, a little appreciation." "Now, did that hurt?" "I doubt if "Arc" meant that Joan was from Arkansas." " It's a theory." " It's an F." "Why can't you guys just cut me some slack?" "Matthews, I'll cut you some slack." "Don't bother showing up to chemistry anymore." "Just blow up something at home and bring it in." "Thank you, Dr. Sorrell." "You are a man among men." "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have Sarah-mix." "Wait, you mean ceramics?" "Yeah, the ashtray class." " You know what scares me?" " What?" "He'll end up making more money than any of us." "Mom, hold my calls." "Tonight I'm gonna be studying." "Great." "Let me get my camera." "Hey, I'm serious." "I mean, I got pencils, I got notebook, I got refreshment." "I got everything I need to be a studying fool." "Where are your books?" " Eric, did you leave them in your locker?" " Yeah." "Either there or on the bus." "Oh, Eric." "You don't take the bus." "Well, then, they're safely in my locker." "What would I do without you, Mom?" "You'd study the kitchen table." "Shawn, I need you to help me pick out something for the party." " Sure." " OK." " What do you think of this shirt?" " It's fine." "Yeah?" "But do you like it better than... this?" "They're both great." "Everything you got here's fine." "I mean, they're all very you." "That's the problem, Shawn." "Everything I own is me." "I mean, everything about me is me." "And me right now just ain't cutting the Dijon." "Cory, maybe it's not you." "Are you sure everything's cool between you and Topanga?" "Oh, yeah." "I love her." "She's the best." "It's not Topanga." "It's me." "You know what my problem is?" "I don't know what my problem is." "Come on, Cory." "Let's just go to this party, OK?" "Come on." "Yeah, but dressed like this?" "No way." "So wear something of mine." "What do you want?" "A jacket?" "A hat?" "A jacket." "I'm very prone to hat head." "Sometimes I get it without even wearing a hat." "(Jonathan) No, no, Williams, I'm telling you," "I've been at this game a lot longer than you have." "You can't just show up and change the rules." "(Dr. Sorrell) Gentlemen, gentlemen." "I thought this was supposed to be a friendly little faculty meeting." " You cannot check and raise, man." " He's right." "Matthews, what are you doing here?" "So this is what happens at faculty meetings?" "Just on Mondays." "This is our weekly game." "We don't play for money." "We talk, we relax, we try to forget there's such a thing as students." "You don't play for money?" "Even you, Dr. Sorrell?" "No need to." "With finals around the corner, I'm sure to have fresh cash rolling in." " Can I join you?" " No!" "Oh, what?" "Are we afraid of a little competition?" "Terrified." "Now go." "All right, look." "Let me make a deal with you guys." "Let me just play until I lose, and then I'll go home and study." "Now, as teachers, how do you argue with that?" " He needs the grades." "Deal him in." " Oh, come on." "Hi, I need to see your Hamilton High ID card." " We go to John Adams." " Yeah, but it should be on the guestlist." " What's the name?" " It's under Hunter." "Shawn Hunter." "Oh, wow." "Shawn Hunter." " That's right." " We heard you were coming." "Go right on in." "Your guest too." "I'm Hilary." "You know, I won't be stuck at the door all night." "Save me a dance, Shawn?" "You bet he will." "Right, Shawn?" "Wait." "No, you..." " Shawn, that girl thinks I'm you." " So?" "So we gotta set her straight, or else word's gonna spread that I'm Shawn Hunter." "Again, so?" " Well, if people think I'm you, they..." " (girls giggle)" " Wow." " Let's go, Shawn." "(♪ dance music)" "OK." "Now, as far as anybody at this party knows, you are Shawn Hunter." "Look, one girl at the door thought I was you, OK?" "That was it, Shawn." "Just one girl." "Hi, Shawn." "Uh, hi." " Somebody's talking to you." " Oh." "Hi, pretty girl." "Only Shawn Hunter can pull off a line like that." "Yeah, so, how did it feel, Shawn?" "Well, on one hand, I'm a little flushed, but on the other hand," "I notice a little kick in my step." "You know, there's something very exciting about being you." "And now you understand my Monday- morning smile." "But tonight, it's all yours." "Tomorrow you can go back to being your everyday, lackluster, boring..." "I get it." "I get it." "Now, why don't you go check out those little ladies over there?" "Or, as I might say, babes." "You're about to experience all that is Shawn." "Hey!" " Who are you doing?" " You!" "No, no, no." "That wasn't me, that was Fonzie." " Huh." "This is trickier than I thought." " Oh, Cory, you're trying too hard." "Just relax, and be myself." " So what are you saying?" " Don't do anything." "So you're telling me the key to being Shawn Hunter is doing nothing?" "That just by sitting on this table with my arm folded, girls are gonna suddenly come over and ask me to dance?" "Shawn." "Let's dance." "(mimics Fonzie) Hey." "Well, now, I have three aces." "Beat that, Mr. Matthews." " Darn." "I only have two jacks and a ten." " (Feeny laughs)" "And another jack." "And another ten." "I win again." "All right, Matthews." "I know you're cheating, I just can't figure out how." "You know something, Mr. Williams?" "Your words have soiled me." "Why can't you guys believe that maybe Eric Matthews is good at something?" "Get off your high horse, Matthews." "We all know you're cheating." "And when I find out how, we'll talk." "Gentlemen, please." "Ante." "The sooner he loses, the sooner he studies... at home, away from us." "OK, remember, girls, that is now our song." " So how are you doing, Shawn?" " Well, the reviews are in." "We are a hit!" "I know." "I saw." "Three girls at once?" "No, Shawn, it's not just the girls." "It's the way I'm feeling tonight." "Not knowing what's gonna happen from moment to moment." "It is so exciting." " Thanks for letting me be you, buddy." " You're not being me, you're being you." "Yeah, but everyone here thinks I'm Shawn Hunter." "Sure, but you're not doing anything Cory Matthews wouldn't." "Well, whoever I am is having a pretty good time." "And it's about to get better." "Word is there's a very hot French girl here who comes from someplace in Europe." " Possibly France?" " Yeah, France." "The gateway to St. Louis." "So fill me in." "Who is she?" "What's she doing here?" " I haven't talked to her yet." " But Shawn, that's so unlike you." "I am not Shawn tonight." "You are." "So go find her." "No, no." "That would be wrong." "I mean, I got Topanga." "I feel weird enough being at this party without her." "Come on." "All you're gonna do is talk to her." "Well, what do we talk about?" "Cheese." "They love it." "Then cheese it is." "Jack high, I win." "This could be the least amount of fun I've ever had in my life." "All right, Matthews." "I'm not saying you're cheating." "I'm thinking it really hard, but I'm not saying it." "I just need to know, for my own peace of mind..." "Stop with the pleasantries." "As principal of John Adams High, I demand to know how you're doing this." "You're not the principal." "You just keep thinking that, George." "Hey, now." "Wait a second." "I'm not doing anything wrong." "Oh, pick those up, Matthews." "Sure, there's only 238 pretzel sticks." " What did you say?" " With, you know, 4,572 grains of salt." "The man's a counter." "So, what?" "Is this like Rain Man?" "Or what?" "(mimics Raymond from "Rain Man") Yeah." "Yeah, de-definitely good movie." "Def-definitely good movie." "All right." "That's it." "Game over." " Oh, but come on." "This is so much fun." " Oh, yeah." " Well, the fun doesn't have to stop, Eric." " What do you mean?" "Now, as it happens, I'm taking my favorite students to what I like to call a science fair this weekend in Atlantic City." "We'll be researching probabilities, statistics, and maybe a little keno." " I don't think so, Mr. Sorrell." " It's Dr. Sorrell." "Oh, give it up, man." "You're not a doctor." "Am too." "Listen, I've had it with you, Sorrell." "Now, I won't have a member of my faculty behaving like this." "Not a problem." "I quit." "So, Matthews, you in?" "Hey." "Did you find the French girl yet?" "No, but I am having the best time looking." "Adventure, the thrill of the hunt..." "Not to be repeated, but this sure beats shopping for slacks." "You wild man." "Why are the guys all over that French girl?" "It's just a stupid foreign accent." "She's right there, Cor." "You go over there, who knows what could happen." "You're right, Shawn." "I mean, there is no turning back now." "Or as the French say," "Viva Las Vegas." "Wow." "So Elvis was French." "(bad French accent) Would you like to dance?" "(girl) Ah, oui." "You're the French girl?" " I'm talking to you." " And she doesn't speak English, pal." "Now back off." " No, you back off." "Now." " Cory." "Don't make a scene." "Whoa!" "I just understood French." "Hey, Gordo." "Guess who speaks French." "Do you want to explain to me what you're doing here?" "And in English, please?" "Me and my girlfriends thought it would be fun to come to another school's party." " Yeah, and pretend to be other people?" " Well, what's wrong with that?" "Well, what's wrong with being you, Topanga?" "Nothing." "But being French..." "I don't know." "It seemed exciting." "Yeah, well, it takes a pretty insecure person to pretend to be other people." "Hi, Shawn." "I've been looking for you." "Shawn?" "You know, I didn't come here to be Shawn." "I mean, who'd wanna be Shawn when they can be me?" "Just be you." "And can you tell me, why did you come here?" "I don't know." "I mean, I came here because I needed a change, you know?" "I mean, it was either coming here or buying another pair of slacks." "You came here because you wanted to have some fun." "Well, you know, we haven't had fun in a long time, Topanga." "I know." "How long's it been?" "How long have we been married now?" "What, 40, 50 years?" " We're in a rut." " A big rut." "A rut filled with Couple magazines and slacks and jams." "You know, when you and I started going out, everything was so exciting for me, you know?" "I mean, like, every day was something different." "There's just no mystery anymore." "Yeah." "And I see Eric and Shawn going on their dates, you know, so psyched, wondering what's gonna happen." "We've forgotten what that feels like." "Yeah." "And then, you know, I ask myself how I feel about you, and.." "I feel like I still care about you as much as I always have." "You know, and that'll never change." "Are we breaking up?" "I don't wanna break up." "Because when people break up, they always end up hating each other." "Well, we're not other people, Topanga." "Well, actually, we are, but..." "but we could never hate each other." "No matter who we are, right?" " We are breaking up, aren't we?" " No!" "No." "We're not." "We're never gonna break up." "Cory, maybe the people who end up hating each other are the people who waited too long to break up." "So are you saying you want to break up with me?" "I'm saying I wanna keep caring about you as much as I care about you now." "Then we should break up right away so we can still stay great friends." "Which we've always been." "Yeah." "Yeah, and that'll never change, right?" "Yeah." " So I'll see ya." " Yeah." "See ya." "Cory, maybe we're making a mis..." "Topanga, I'm not sure this..." "I want you to pay particular attention to the three headings and I want a comparative analysis of each one... (♪ "All I Know" by Art Garfunkel)" "♪ I bruise you" "♪ You bruise me" "♪ We both bruise" "♪ Too easily" "♪ Too easily" "♪ To let it show" "♪ I love you" "♪ And that's all I know" "♪ All my plans" "♪ Have fallen through" "♪ All my plans" "♪ Depend on you" "♪ Depend on you" "♪ To help them grow" "♪ I love you" "♪ And that's all I know"