"IntheWestcote Railway station, in the year 1905," "The agent there was Flannery, the best there was alive." "Flannery ran his station exactly by the rule." "He tried to learn each one by heart, just like a kid in school." "There were rules for each occasion, that applied from tools to mules." "There were rules about behavior and rules defining rules." "Uh, "Two guinea pigs."" "Hm." "You sure don't look like pigs to me." "But the writing's plain to see." "It says you are, and there's no doubt that pigs is what you be." "Whenevera customer chanced to call," "Flannery let him fry until he could look up the rule to greet the fellow by." "Let's see, oh, yes." ""Good morning to you" says section two." ""And don't forget to smile."" "Mornin' it was, I'll have you know." "I've been standin' here awhile!" "I'm supposed to say "I'm sorry, sir", it says in ruling three." "Dry your tears and save your sneers." "Have you a box of pets for me?" "Indeed, I have." "Two guinea pigs." ""See pigs, page 43."" "According to the Book of Rules, your pets are pigs, you see." ""Pigs 48 cents." "Pets 44."" "What?" "Guinea pigs ain't pigs, they're pets!" "And I'm paying 44!" "Pigs is pigs at 48." "And rules is rules, what's more." "Fools is fools, you stubborn fool." "Would you not take 44?" "The regular rate is 48!" "Very well, then." "# You take the high rate and I'll take the low rate" "# And I'll not pay you over 44 #" "Whenever an agent gets in a debate, and there is an argument over the rate, the agent must wire for a rule and apply and hold onto the package until they reply." "Hold them then and harm them not, and when you find you're wrong, deliver them to my address healthy, hale and strong!" "ThenFlannerysatdown and sent a telegram away, never dreaming he'd regret it until his dying day." ""Supervisor'soffice, Big Town on the drive." "Flannery to Morgan, May 6, 1905." "Holding two animals in a crate." "Big dispute regarding rate." "Is a guinea pig a pig or pet?" "Give ruling on the rate to set." "Flannery. "" "Thesupervisor'soffice was the pride of the company." "It received old Flannery's telegram with trained efficiency." "# They examined the wire and immediately dated it" "# Stamped the receipts and communicated it" "# To the department that quadruplicated it" "# Copies were sent out to all of the staff" "# Each copy received was filed and related" "# To copies of copies then checked and notated" "# Nine copies of each were then validated" "# And contents were noted in ink on a graph #" ""A cabbage a day keeps the doctor away."" "Both of you need a name." "I'll call one of you Pat." "Let me see." "Uh, Mike I'll name the other." "Hequickly changed it to "Marie" when Mike became a mother." "The saints be praised." "Now, ain't that fine?" "I'm a family man meself." ""Regardslastwireofmine , instead ofjust two guinea pigs, I now am holdin' nine. "" "# The legal department was then delegated" "# To study the problem now so complicated" "# When all of the data was accumulated" "# To make a report and to tell what they know" "# The president wanted a full explanation" "# As well as an overall clarification of Flannery's wire that wanted to know" "# If a pig was a pig and to please tell him so #" "Thegrandchild of the first two pigs had grandsons by the dozens." "And every time the clock would strike there were 50 brand-new cousins." "# The board of directors convened and debated" "# The question of pigs and were they related" "# To pigs or to rabbits as once indicated" "# By evidence found by the fact-finding staff #" "Aboyfirstadvocatedit, then a zoology professor dictated it." "Here is the answer and here's how he stated it." "I reiterate, on the company's behalf." "The guinea pig is the Cavia aperia." "While the common pig is the genus Sus of the family Suidae." "They are not pigs." "A 44 cent rate applies." "# Ten copies were sent to the filing clerk" "# And ten to O'Shannessey" "# Then 20 more in triplicate were sent on to McGee" "# McGee will make 1000 more for all the clerks to see" "# For the janitor and the auditor" "# And the rest of the company" " # A hundred were sent to the engineers - # And the firemen each got four" " # The section hands got three apiece - # And the hobos 20 more #" "Withregularity those pigs produced more pigs while Flannery tried to stem the tide by playing them Irish jigs." ""Regardingthepigs, the 44 cent rate applies." "Signed, Morgan. "" "WhenFlannerygotthe  telegram, down the road he tore, to take the news to McMorehouse." "But..." "McMorehouse doesn't live here anymore." "ThenFlannery wired the office." ""Tellmequick,whatdoIdo?" "There is no rule to cover the case, so now it's up to you. "" "Not me!" "See CP." " See Joe." " See Larry." " See Tom." " Dick." "See Harry." "# When a clerk made a recommendation" "# The pigs should be sent to the main office station" "# He never did know of the multiplication" "# Of the two pigs that grew to a million and two #" "Flanneryloadedthepigs in crates, boxes, bags and sacks." "He filled 600 boxcars up, according to the facts." "After loading all the pigs but two, and looking weak and wan," "Flannery turned to the pigs and said" "You've begot and begot." "Now, be gone!" "# They unloaded the cars at the main office station" "# And filled up the warehouse and in desperation" "# They stored away pigs in the whole corporation" "# The president shouted until he was hoarse" "# Three officials submitted a signed resignation" "# Complaining of pigs in the organization" "# The president demanded an investigation" "# Of Flannery, pigs and the whole office force" ""DearPresident," "'Tis not so bad as it seemed to be once." "What if all those million guinea pigs hadallbeenelephants?"" "Ooh!" "Ohhh!" "Fromthatdayforward, Flannery swore..." "No more will I be a fool." "Whenever it comes to livestock, blast every single rule." "If the animals come in singles or if they come in sets, if they've got four feet and they're alive, they'll be classified as pets."