"How many of you are divorce children ?" "How many of you believe in true love ?" "There are many reasons to fall in love." "Good morning , your tickets please." "Hey you !" "Stop!" "But there are twice as many reasons for love to fall apart." "Darling , I went shopping !" "Great." "I've cleaned all day." " But look..." "Why do you men want praise for nothing?" "No one praises me." "You ruined my life." "You stupid pig !" "And this is where I step in." "My name is Paul Voigt." "Other people's breakups are my business." "From phone calls to house visits, including removal of personal effects, the breakup agency I work for provides all services for a price." "The client makes a choice, I realize it." "Essentially I'm like this postman." "He also delivers warnings, dismissals, and enforcement orders." "But I have one crucial advantage." "I come in person and give psychological first aid." "A very good day to you ." "What?" "He's leaving me because I'm choleric?" "I'm not choleric!" "The guy doesn't even have the balls to tell me himself." "How shitty is that!" "What am I going to do now?" "Just give your feelings full scope." "I hate him." "I hate you!" "I ... hateyou..." "You pig!" "I hate you!" "And that shitty guitar!" "I ... hate..." "You pig!" "That works with men , too?" " Yes, it does." "Here you are." "You know, two years ago" "I was right where you are now, but here I am, almost a partner." "And you ... could do the same thing." "Separations are booming." "If you manage to carry through 1 ,000 separations during the first two years, you will be made a partner in our company." "Believe me, you can make it all the way to the top!" "And we would like to help you get there." "Thank you for your attention ." "Break Up Man" "So, Paul , I've spoken to the owners." "If all goes well, you'll be a partner by the 1 st." " Wow, boss." "Good , isn't it?" " Yes." "How many breakups do you have left?" "Eleven." " Eleven." "Just a week left." "We must be very strict." "Oh , I have everything under control ." "Here he is!" "Hartmut, old grenade!" " Georg , old dragon slayer." "How are you , my friend?" " Well , and yourself?" "Darling , we're going out to eat." " That's for women without weight problems." "Honey, would you get me a Diet Coke?" "Latest girlfriend?" " No, just a back- up." "Nice!" "Anyway, this is Paul , my best employee." "Hartmut Dreher, the friend I mentioned ." "Pleased to meet you ." "I heard about your family problem." "Yeah , thanks." "The guy's a total loser." "Bad for my daughter Kati ." "I'm worried ." "My granddaughter Jenny is already having trouble at school ." "You have to help." "Mr. Kuhlmann is not the child's father." " No." " If your daughter's ready to meet..." " Come on, a photo?" "Smile!" "Kati tried to break up, but she didn't go through with it." "Adler." " We'll fix it." " Hang on a second ." " Adler?" " Thank you ." "One moment." "I'm on the other line." "So, that's me back again ." "That's how it all started ." "Thank you." "Have a nice evening." "Otherwise he was always kind to animals, kind to children ." "Anyway, my father could never stand him ." "He's poor and not very good-looking." "Forget Toto and your father." "This is about you ." "Don't try to make others happy." "Be happy yourself." "So, are you happy?" "Sometimes I feel very cramped." "Do you want that forever?" "Is it an option?" " No." " Think of your daughter." " Jenny?" "Why?" "Isn't she having trouble at school?" " Excuse me?" "Kids aren't happy if the parents aren't." "Look." "You're an attractive woman." "With a sweet daughter." "You have your whole life ahead." "Live!" "Be happy." "Fine." " But don't hurt him." " You're doing the right thing." "He'll harm himself!" "Where is your boyfriend?" "Yes?" " Good evening ." "I'm from "Happy End" breakup agency." "A breakup agency!" "Great." "What do you break up?" "Can I come in?" "I don't suppose you're going to rob me." " No, of course not." "Come in." "Stop!" "First take your shoes off." "I just vacuumed ." "Mr. Kuhlmann, about your girlfriend." "She says she's very sorry, but she wants to end the relationship." "Are you joking?" " No." "It must be a joke." " I'm afraid it's not." "Are you from "Candid Camera"?" "You are from ""Candid Camera"'!" "Gosh !" "Kati told you to do it, awesome!" "You know that you need my permission, right?" "You have it." "Mr. Kuhlmann, I'm serious about it." "People give and take in a relationship." "And you seem to be giving a bit too much." " Wait, what are you saying?" "I'm going to clear this up." "Kati-Mouse." "This name is not known." "Sweetie Pie." " Sweetie Pie's number is being dialed." "The number you dialed is not available." "I mpossible!" "We're about to eat." "It's Moroccan Night." "I'm to... give you this from her." "To show she means it." "I gave her that!" "I know." "So now what?" "I must ask you to pack your things." "The essentials only." "We'll take care of the rest." "No!" "No way!" "This is absurd." "Who the hell are you?" "You just come in here and ..." "Do you know what you are?" "A crap version of "Men in black", without the other guy, Willi Smith." " Will Smith." " What about Jenny?" "Miss Dreher says you're not to act as Jenny's father." "But that's not possible." "Mr. Kuhlmann, I have a brochure for you, and... your own personal" "Happy End." "Or is Kati's father behind this?" "No." "What now?" "Where am I to go?" "Go see the city." "Three million people live in Berlin." "Enjoy your new freedom." "Keep your head up." "The end is always a beginning." "What is that?" "Is it a maki or a nigiri?" "The Japanese don't have a word for it yet." "Sushi kebab." " Donner roll." " Donneri." "Donneri." "Stop, okay." "My boss said he'll make me a partner next month." "If all goes well." "Really?" " Yes." "Congratulations!" "We must celebrate!" "That's great." "So you'll get an apartment soon." "Won't you?" "I've already signed the contract." "Really?" "Yes." "Did you take the loft or the apartment?" "The loft." "A big space is cool." "You can do a lot." "You could fit walls if necessary." "If necessary." "I'm sorry, Natalie." "Why?" "It's okay." "Completely okay." "I didn't really want to give up my apartment." "I still have my apartment in Quebec." " Yes." "It's a great apartment." "You have a beautiful apartment." "The apartment is beautiful." "A really beautiful apartment." "Yes." "I tell you, soon you'll beg me to move in with you." "You'll kneel down before me." "What are you doing?" "I'd better sleep at home." "I have to get up early tomorrow and..." "Please stay for once." "Please." "I can't sleep with someone beside me." "It's nothing to do with you." "Do you love me?" "Why do you ask?" "You always sneak out at night and don't let me get close." "You only do what you want." "So I ask if you love me." "If not, then... you'd break my heart." "Yes, sure, like..." "Natalie, love is a big word." "What we have is enough." "It's beautiful." "Look, I have to leave early, I've got sport, and I..." "I'll call you." "It was good." "Paul Voigt." "Paul?" "Come, come, come!" "Paul?" "Playing strip games, and what do I hear?" "The guy's still hanging around." "Miss Dreher is scared." "If you want to keep your job, get over there and sort it out." "Goal!" " That was two goals!" "If no bras come off, I'm not playing." "Mr. Kuhlmann." "No!" "I'm not leaving." "I want to talk to Kati." "Mr. Kuhlmann, please come." "I want to talk to Kati." "We belong together." "We're a family." "Stop it, you're acting like a child." "Let the woman go." "Have you been drinking?" "What?" "No, I just..." "Comeon !" "No!" "I'm not leaving." "I can't just go." "I have to fight for my love." "If you have to fight for love, it's already too late." "Come on!" "Leave me..." "Listen, go away!" "Or, do you know what?" "I will if you give me a reason." "One good reason , then I'll come." "Fine." "I wanted to spare you this, but..." "Your girlfriend has a new boyfriend." "What?" "Yes." "She has a new guy." "And it's all very good with him, but..." "Really?" "Mr. Kuhlmann, we're going to a nice comfortable hotel now." "You'll sleep well and..." "Tomorrow the world will look totally different." "This is really nice here." "Mr. Kuhlmann, here, come on in." "Come on!" "You'll be cozy here." " Can I sleep at yours tonight?" "Be glad you can be alone a while." " I don't want to be alone." "Go to the bar, or go out." "Do all the things you couldn't in a relationship." "I don't want to watch soft porn now." "Whatever, Mr. Kuhlmann." "Throw yourself into life, alright?" "Trust yourself." "You can do it." "Chin up." "Good night." "Real wood!" "Man." "For Kati!" "I can't live without Kati!" "Stop, man , stop!" "I don't want to live without Kati." "What!" " So I'm going to jump now." "Shit." " I've got a note in my hand." "It's for Kati and you're going to give her it, when I'm splattered down there." " Stop, easy now." " Calm down!" " I'm going to jump." "What?" "No, listen, okay?" "I'm coming up, and then... then we'll sort it out together." " Really?" "You and me." "We'll sort it out together." "I promise." "Shit, this is high." "Oh God, he's insane." "My name is Thorsten by the way." "You can also call me Toto, if you want." "Hey, shall we just use our first names?" "Thorsten, listen." "I'll take you to a clinic now." "It will do you good." "Talk a bit, some peace, general help..." " Hello, but we can talk." " Yes, we still can." " But a little professional help, that..." " I don't want that." " But you should." " No, I won't." "Got it?" "Let's go to your place and hang out." " No, we won't." " Or I'll cook us something." " No!" "So where do we sleep?" "We can't go to my place." "And what have we got here?" "Listen!" "You have to help me." "I've got a huge problem." "That man there in the car." "He just tried to kill himself, to jump." "Can you take him into custody?" "He'll harm himself." "Please believe me." "He's a danger to himself and everyone." "Really, you have to help me." "Can you have him sectioned?" "You have to help me, please." "Have you been drinking?" "You have to help me." "The guy is insane." "Here, hold my sausage, that's enough." "Driver's license." "Vehicle documents." " Shit, shit, shit." " I'm sorry." "Get lost!" "Piss off, yeah!" " It's just a driver's license." " No, it's not just a driver's license, it's my driver's license." "If I lose it, then I lose my job." "Okay?" "You can take the train." "It's better for the environment anyway." "Then you can even ..." "read because it's so comfortable." "Man, I can't, it's a company car." "If I don't move it, someone else will ." " I can drive." " No, I'd rather ask one of my friends." " But we can be friends." " No." "Okay, I get the message." "First you destroy my relationship, and now..." "Why did you even bother to save my life?" "Are you crazy?" "You haven't understood a thing." "I'm a breakup agent, that's my job and your ex hired me to break up with you." "Now piss off!" "Get lost." "What a load of shit here." "Shit!" "A load of shit!" "Shit!" "Hey, it's Paul Voigt." "Yeah, I know, it's been a while." "I have a question." "How was I supposed to know she was your girlfriend?" "I mean ..." "Hello?" "Hey, Peter!" "What, you're called Petra now?" "Sarah , can you drive me?" "Sorry, little brother." "Another time, okay?" "Please, it's..." "I need a driver." "I no longer have a license." "Now what?" "Oh God." "Listen , I'll call you back." "Thorsten!" "Oh God, oh God." "Shit." "Listen, you clown." "Can you please clear the road?" "No." "I'm lying here because I want to die." "Great!" "What do we do now?" "Well, if he really wants to." " Good." " That'll be fun." " Yeah, great fun." "Hey, have you completely lost it?" " I mean ..." " What?" "You can drive me." "One week." "What, really?" "Yeah , starting tomorrow." "Thank you, thank you!" " It worked!" " You assholes could have killed me." "You assholes!" "Get your things and we'll go inside." "Okay?" "Oh thanks, man." "Just get your things and we'll go inside now..." "Holy shit." " Paul, are you awake?" " No." "I can't sleep." " So count up to a hundred." " I already got to 6,432." "Then have a beer or something." " Can I get into bed with you?" " What?" "No." "Get out." "I'm not gay or anything." "If that could make you change your mind." "No, it couldn't." "Now, good night." "Out." "How mean." "Shit." "Are you insane?" "I told you I can't sleep alone." "I'm your driver." "I need rest, Paul." "You will never do that again." "Understood?" "Never again." "Okay?" "What's that?" "What is it?" "What have you done?" " As I said." "I couldn't sleep." "You can't just rearrange everything ." "It's much better feng shui this way, so the dragon's breath can flow freely." "What?" "The only breath that has to flow is mine." "It's interesting with the photos." "I made an exhibition." "Take her." "She's absolutely beautiful." "Who is she?" "Bound to be your girlfriend." "Your ex-girlfriend." "And here." "Are you a divorce child?" "The man's head has been torn off here." " Must be your father." " Give me that." "You're a fruitcake." "Really." "You're a fruitcake." "I wonder what your star sign is." "So listen." "Put all this just where it was." "Tidy all this up." "Gemini or Libra, 100 percent." "Everything okay?" "Not really." "Who is that?" "That is..." "Thorsten Kuhlmann ." "I'm his driver." "Can you leave us alone a moment?" "Now." "Yes, sorry." "I lay awake all night thinking." "I don't want it like this." "I need someone who stays even when it's difficult." "Someone who wants to be close to me." "Instead I always feel like..." "I force you to do things." "And that feels awful ." "Paul, I just want a normal relationship." "Preferably with you, but it doesn't seem to be working." " Don't you want to say anything?" " What am I supposed to say, I mean..." "It's a bit of a surprise." "Listen ..." "I have an appointment anyway and we need to be there at eleven ." "Pity." "Goodbye then." "Single." "Single." "Yes." "It's great." "Look." "So free." "Yeah?" "Love is generally overrated anyway." "Hurry up, my first appointment is at 11.30." " The palm tree and the bedding stay here." " It's my special bedding." "I need it." "We'll be staying in hotels, they have bedding." "But not for me." "I suffer from allergies." " They're staying here." " I need them." " No." " Yes." " No." " Yes..." "Stop arguing!" "My bedding!" " It's your responsibility." " Okay." "Now get in." " Could you drive a bit faster, please?" " Safety first." "Step on it." "We have ten breakups in one week." "At this speed we'll need six months." "We have to be there in half an hour, so step on it." "You have come together here today to wed for life before God." "I ask you Tim Bach, have you come here after careful consideration and of your free will to take your bride..." " Emma!" "Don't do it." "Don't do it, please." "Listen." "I love you." "I've loved you since the moment I first saw you, and... even if I haven't earned another chance, I've had lots of time to think, and..." "I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you." "Do you know him?" "I'm sorry." "Oh God, this is terrible." "Shit, I'm so sorry for you." "I'll sort it out for you, okay?" "People, everything's fine." "No panic." "I'll sort it out." "Thank you." "Thanks!" "That's so cool." "I don't know how to thank you." "Next time just call sooner, then we can find a more elegant solution." "Okay." "Recommend us to others." "Then there's ten percent off the next breakup." "You stay in the car and take a nap." "Okay?" "Come on, I'm really hungry." "I must eat, or I'll get even more tired." "This is a routine job." "I want to focus, so stay in the car and sleep." "But I won't bother you, I promise." "I'll just eat a bit and leave." "An itty bitty bit." "I couldn't decide." "Could you sit over there." "Sit back there, the client's coming." "Wait." "I brought something for you." "That's mine." "And that's yours." "Man, Toto." "Shit." "I'm sorry." "I'm really sorry." "Sorry." "Just look at..." "Oh shit, shit." "I thought it had a screw top." "Listen, if the client comes now, give her this... and tell her to wait here." "Can you manage that?" "Can you manage that?" "Yes." "Hello?" "It's broken." "Use the ladies..." "Oh God!" "Come on." "Shit." "Have you been waiting long?" "I'm so glad you came." " I didn't know what else..." " Excuse me," " I'm actually..." " No, I'm not eating." "Is that yours?" "May I?" "Please, please." "Come off." "Shit." "It's strange telling you all this." "But what else can I do?" "We've completely drifted apart." "I mean, he's not even interested in me anymore." "Do you know what?" "We don't even sleep with each other anymore." "Only on birthdays," "New Year's Eve, Easter, or when he's completely plowed." "But that's odd ." "If I want sex more than he does, then something's wrong." "And I love sex." "So do I ." "Want some fries?" " Just the one." " Tell me, when did you last think of your boyfriend's needs?" "No idea." "You see, with men it's like this:" "at the start of a relationship they push really hard to win the woman, but then... after a while, their own interests come back to the surface." "The problem is that the woman is spoilt from the initial phase, and she thinks it's normal." "But in reality, it's the other way round." "I think you have a basic communication problem." "I'll tell you something." "Work on yourself, press the right buttons with your boyfriend, and it will all be fine." "I promise." " You really think so?" " Sure, definitely." "I guarantee it." "I mean, love is never a safe bank, but who loves is right." " Oh, can I give you a hug?" " Sure." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." " I'll pick him up straight from work." " Yeah, he'll be glad." " Okay, thanks." "Bye." " Bye." " Bye." "Forgot my bag ." "Bye, thanks." "Nice hairstyle." "Who was that?" "How about some music?" "Music is nice." "Hello, this is Planet Radio..." "That's weird." "It's the song from when Kati and I met." "Have a great day." "Enough of this shitty music." "What's that puppet?" "It's a talisman." "It brings luck." "Oh shit, my boss." "Listen." "You shut your trap." "Not a squeak from you!" "Hello, boss." "So, how's it going?" "Yeah, okay." "Okay or like shit?" "Why?" "Miss Sörger called to say thanks for saving her relationship." "Explanation?" " You shut your face." " What?" "What?" "Miss Sörger, she just wanted to go back to her boyfriend." "She was a bit funny, so I..." " ...blew the contract." " Yes." " Didn't you mention how liberating a breakup can be?" "Yes, I told her how liberating a..." "Remember that time presses if you're to be a partner." "Hello, boss?" "Hello?" "Thanks a lot!" "Why?" "I just wanted to tell her that love is wonderful." "What?" "Love is a heap of shit." "Romantic love is worth nothing nowadays." "Every second marriage ends in divorce." "One year in love, that's very rare, and three to six months of excitement, that's average." "And I don't give a shit what you think." "I have goals in my job." "I want to achieve them." "Okay?" "Got it?" "From now on, you stay out of it." "You are just the driver." "Load of shit." "How late is it?" "One moment, I have that here I think." ""Profile options", here it is." " What does it mean?" " It's the English way of saying things." "Ei gude wie, Jungs." " What?" " I'm sorry, my colleague has a strong Hessian dialect." "Good evening, gentlemen." "How can we help you?" " My name is Voigt, I have a reservation ." " A reservation , just let me see." "There is, however, a problem here." " You only made a reservation for one, Mr. Voicht." " Just for one." " I'll take another room." " Not alone, I'll be tired tomorrow." "You'll have to sleep alone." "There." " Not quite right." "We only have one room." " Just one." " The Frankfurt Fair." " Fair." " No can do." " No can do." "Fair." " Fair." "Frankfurt." "What now?" "Then..." "Then with twin beds." "Press "double room". "D", twice." " Twice?" " Two times, "D"." "Now press "twin room"." " Z." " Z." " Twice." " Twice." "With breakfast." "Breakfast?" "Then press..." "Attachment." "F." " For two." " For two." "And again." "So, now you ask if a late checkout is required." "Is a late checkout required?" "Not me!" "The gentlemen." "Is a late checkout required?" " No." " Told you so." "Berliners!" "So I press B, do I?" "So, gentlemen." "Thanks." "This way, please!" "What an awesome view!" "I'm sleeping by the window." "There." "Paul?" "Are you coming?" "Good night, sweetheart." " Look at this." "It's my girlfriend Kati." " I know." "It's strange." "Last time I was here in Frankfurt it was with Kati." "I always wanted to go to America." "Because of the skyscrapers." "But it was too expensive." "No money." "And Kati invited me on a trip to Frankfurt." "And now..." "Now I'm sitting here with you in Frankfurt, but... without Kati." "I miss her so badly." "You must be missing yours as well." " Be quiet." "I have to work tomorrow." " Me, too." "I'm the driver." "But you talk all the time." "It's time to sleep now, so go to sleep." "Yeah?" "It's starting again." "I need anti-allergy bedding." "Now it's shooting down my back." "I ought to do an exercise." "I can't feel my legs." "Then do an exercise." "Do your exercise, alright?" "Do your exercise." "Oh God." "It's not helping." "Actually it's a partner exercise." "Can you help me, Paul?" "I'll keep quiet then." "Okay." "What shall I do?" "Sit on me, pull here, then press." "And rock." "Yeah, like that." "Come here." "Yes, like that." "And rock." "Oh yeah, it's loosening." "Yuk, that is so gross!" "You farted in my face, you moron!" "Hello, "Happy End Breakup Agency", Voigt." "Mr. Voigt, it's Kati Dreher," "Thorsten Kuhlmann 's girlfriend." "I don't know if you remember." "Sure I do." "What's up?" "I just wanted to ask how Thorsten is, how he took it." "Paul , do you want fresh juice?" "Or something else?" "He can be fragile..." "Fresh juice?" "He took it well." "He's in great form." "The breakup seems to have done him good." "That's... great." "I miss him a bit." " That's normal, Miss Dreher." "You're going through what everyone goes through." "Probably you're considering calling him, but just let him be." "Think of his negative qualities, the psychological anomalies, his appearance, the musty scarf." "The scarf!" "I could tell you a story about that." "Here's some advice." "Write a list of pro's and con's." " Learn the cons by rote, bin the pros." " Fine." "Can you tell me where he is anyway?" "I've got..." "I have to go." "The lady there just asked for my room number." "No way!" "Amazing , eh?" "Who was that?" "That was... someonewho'sdoubting the breakup was the right thing." "It happens sometimes." "Really?" "What do you say then?" "I convince them the breakup was absolutely right." "And if Kati had called?" "Yeah , then I probably wouldn't." "Thanks Paul." "I didn't think you would." "But really, stop talking about Kati." "You have to meet another woman." "Or several women." "You have to break free." "Embrace life." "821!" "Not now, man." "We have a busy schedule." "Let's go." " Do you do it yourself?" " No." "Someone else does that." "For seductions I have the best man money can buy." "No, not him." "Good, I was wondering." "The nuptial contract means she'd get 40% of everything." "I mean everything!" "But not..." " if she's unfaithful." " I'm told 80% of wives have been unfaithful." "But not Gabriela." "I've had so many detectives tailing her." "I got her a cute personal trainer, I hired her a gardener from Brazil , and nothing happened." "Nothing!" "It didn't work." "It's shit." "Yeah , that"s shit." "The problem is..." "Gabriela's changed over the years." "Let herself go, if you get my drift." "I'll take care of it for you." "I'm counting on you." "Paul, thanks for the nice suit." "Now we really are "Men in Black"." "You're Will Smith, I'm Tommy D. Jones." " Cool guy." " Shut up." "What does the "D" stand for?" "I mean it won't be for Detlef." " There she is." "Fuck!" " Why?" "That's good." " No, it's not good ." "Richy isn't there." " Who?" " The gigolo guy." "Shit." "Where are you?" "We've been waiting for 40 minutes." "Where are you?" "You're breaking up." "Where are you?" "You're in Frankfurt Oder?" "What for?" "We're in Frankfurt am Main!" " I..." "Frankfurt Main!" " It's 600 km, he won't make it." "Richy, that's shit." "It's... never mind." "Bye." "Let's drink!" "Shit." " I only have a week and I can't screw up." " What will you do?" "Buy them a drink." "Fill them up, lay them, you'll see." "Lay them?" "So, good evening, ladies." "You look like you need a drink." "Can I buy you a round?" "Yes." "Do you come here often?" "Haven't seen you before." "We've never seen you here before." "So, I'm paying, you choose what you want." "Good." "Vodka." "That's a woman to my taste!" "Come on, girls!" "Oh shit." "I feel sick." " What?" " Of course it didn't work." "She can hold her drink." "She's not here to be chatted up." "She wants to dance." "Look at the woman." "You must dance to win her." " I know, I was a dance teacher." " For real?" "Yes." "Super." "I know what you're thinking." "No way, I'm not doing it." "You owe me anyway." "Okay?" "You do my bit, I do yours." "I'll go to the hotel." " No." "It's immoral." " It's not immoral." "It's a test." "She could be faithful and not cheat on her husband." "You're helping her find the truth." "If she passes, it's fine." "If not, we all have clarity." "It's no test." "You don't know the effect I have on women when I dance." "So show me!" " Go." " Wish me luck, Paul." "Off you go then." "You dance funny." " I was a dance teacher." " Are you here on your own?" "Yes." "Alone." "Good." "It's working." "I can still do it." "Now we make love." "Oh yeah." "Here we are." "Come here." " That feels good." " Yeah, come on." " Get on there!" "You want to play games?" "I love playing games!" " Don't you like it?" " I love it!" " I'm not really like this." " Don't you find me attractive?" " Yes, you're amazing ." "Look at me." "Not from down there." "Stand up." "Yeah , that's good." "I can't do it in front of the camera." "Camera?" "Camera!" "Italian for "room"." "Camera..." "I was against it from the start!" "I swear." "I don't want to die." "Oh my God." "Come here." "Give me the camera." "Stop, stay here!" "And now for you." "I'm going to kill you." "You pigs." "Shit." "Come on." "Shit." "Come on." "Fast." "Shit." "Got you!" " Hit it!" " I can't!" " Get going." " Okay, I will!" " She fell off!" " Oh God, she fell off!" "Shit." "Can't you get something right for once?" "I give you a chance and you screw up again." "I can't do it in front of the camera." "If you'd just shut up, the video would have worked and the car would be okay!" " Look at that shit!" "The scratches!" " The insurance will cover that." " And how did it happen?" " Parking." "And who was driving?" "You!" "Exactly!" "So I can't call the insurance." " But I can call." " What?" "And say who did it?" "You drive me insane with your tics." "Makes me puke!" " You're not so great yourself." " Oh yeah?" " Yes." " So tell me!" " You fart in your sleep." " I never do." "How would you know?" "You're asleep." "And you're a bad-tempered grumbler." " I help you and you only lay into me!" " No I don't." "And you're cold and you're obviously clogged up with issues." "That's why you fart in your sleep." "This is it." "That's not our hotel." "Paul?" "You wait here." " Sarah, you have to drive me." " I don't." " You do, you're my sister." "Yes, but you only come if you want something ." "I'm sick of it." "I come if I don't know what else to do, but..." "Please." "The guy's driving me insane, please." "Hi , Vanni!" "Please." "Oh man!" "Okay, bring him up." " Then I'll decide about driving." "Deal?" " That's a deal." "Tomato." "Salami." "I love salami." " Toto, it's just a sandwich." " But it's delicious." " You made it yourself." " But the ingredients are Sarah's." " Thanks, Toto." " What do you do?" " I'm an ergotherapist." " Without patients." " I think it's interesting." "It is." "You look so hot right now." "Are you a couple?" "Yes." "Ah ,are you lesbians?" "Yeah." "Why?" "Is that a problem?" "No." "Pity." "Such gorgeous women!" "Strange." "I thought lesbians have short hair and small tits." "Were you staring at their breasts while you ate?" "You probably think of sex when you hear the word "lesbian"." " Not all men just think of sex." " With women they do unless they're gay." " Depends on the woman." " I don't." "Really, Vanni ." "And anyway, every love is unique." "It shouldn't be split into hetero and the rest." "The most important thing is what people give each other." "Isn't it?" "To love then." "Here's to love." "I'm going for a piss." " Vanni, what star sign are you?" "Gemini?" " Yes." "Paul, Vanni's a Gemini ." "Amazing!" " What's wrong?" " I needed a piss." " Give me a break." " Will you drive me?" "I don't know what's wrong with you." "He's really nice." "I can't get away from here." "We have too much to do." "Sorry." "Wow, are you making a salad?" "We're not eating this." "It's for our photo shoot. "Skin Meets Vegetables"." "Art." "I love art." "Do you know the art section at Ikea?" "Do you?" "I could browse there forever." "Here's what we'll do." "Toto sleeps here tonight." "You go to the hotel and rest." "Tomorrow you'll be in a better mood." "That's what we'll do, yeah?" "Yes." "Do you want to be our assistant?" "Really?" "Sure, I'd love to." "But I can't." "I have to drive him, sorry." "You can stay if you want." "I'll take a taxi." "Really?" "Oh Paul!" "No!" " Bye, Vanni." " Paul." "I'll see you out." "It's good to see you." "Take care." "And call home, okay?" ""Relationships are the spice of life." "They make it sweet or they make it sour."" "And?" "And what?" "How is it with us?" "Sugar candy." "Super, we've got it." "Excellent." "Strawberries next." "Great photo." "I love it." "Hold still a moment." "Stop rocking, sweetie." " My hair's in the way." " You're rocking ." "This must stick." " It's about the strawberry." "Hold still." " Okay." "I'd use powdered sugar." "Powdered sugar." "In the kitchen." "Okay, hold this." "Left." " Toto?" "Now." " Yes." "I use it with lemon to stick Smarties on cake." "Is that a bit cold?" "And go." "You're totally lesbian?" "You don't like men at all?" "Well , men are easy to substitute." " We have our equipment." " Like tofu for vegetarians." "Looks like meat, but it's not." "You could put it that way." "Toto, can I kiss you?" "I haven't kissed a man for so long." "Shit, I think I'm more the relationship type." "Everything okay?" "Yeah, everything's okay." "Nothing against you." "It was... holy moly." "Amazing." "But with Kati, we know each other." "Do not tell Paul about this." "Okay, I won't." "Why?" "He and Vanni were together." "Oh gross." "Shit." " But he blew it." " How come?" "He's had a lot to deal with in our family." "Since then he's lived with no ties." "He never got over her breaking up with him." "It must be hard if your ex turns lesbian and gets together with your sister." "If he found out... that Vanni was with another guy, it would break his heart." "Don't tell him, okay?" "I won't, I promise." "Okay, good." "You were great." "Really?" "Thanks." "Sleep well." "I will, Sarah." "Good night." "Oh boy, Toto." "Oh boy." " Hello?" " Mr. Voigt, Schmitz here." "Mr. Schmitz, I'm really sorry." "How's Gabriela?" "Well." "And me, too." "I wanted to thank you." "I don't know how you did it, but Gabriela has a sheikh now, and wants a divorce, of her own volition." "What you did was great." "I'll recommend you." "Thanks." "Here you are!" " Thank you!" " All the best!" "Hot." "I need to take a leak." " What?" " I need to take a leak." "But we've only just..." "Okay,onlyten  more minutes." "You can wait that long." "That ended badly once before." "And the bumps aren't helping." "Okay listen, then just take this." " I'm not thirsty." " You're supposed to piss in it." "Much too small , it's just a pint." "That'll never be enough." "Finally!" "It must be here." "It is here, look." "That's here, isn't it?" "Look!" "Look, see?" "That's here." "That's probably him." "Paul , I'll wait in the car." " Are you Steffen?" " Yes." " Thanks for helping me." " Thank you, too." "Your girlfriend's name?" "Olga." " Nice name." " Yes, and she's great, but tell her..." "I'm sorry, but I just can't deal with her family situation." "Her father's crazy." "He won't let her go." "I'm scared , I'm in panic." "Please..." "Go easy on her." "And this is really important." "When her father starts to twitch fast and uncontrollably with his jaw, get the hell out." "Good luck." "Why should I get the hell out?" "I've come in connection with your daughter Olga." "What do you want from her?" "I need to discuss an urgent matter." "What?" "May I discuss it alone with her?" "No." "That's not possible." "I must speak to her personally, one to one, because..." "I have a surprise for her." "Excuse me, Dad." "We're all adults." "I can just talk to him in my room." "Please, Papa." "I've got it." "We're all adults." "You can just go to her room and talk." "Good idea." "But if you do anything inappropriate," "I have my eye on you." "Where can I..." "But I need to take a leak!" "Thank you." "I'm from the breakup agency "Happy End"." "Steffen sent me." " Steffen?" "Come." "How is he?" "Bad, very, very bad." "And sadly I have bad news for you." "He wants to end the relationship." " What?" " He can't deal with your family." "He's afraid , in panic about your father." "Your father won't let go of you ." " He wants to end it." " You can't do this." "Why?" "I'm pregnant." " Oh shit." " And my father doesn't know." "Listen, please could you be a bit quieter." " My life is ruined and I should be quiet?" " Yes, sorry." "Come." "Just breathe." "Deep breathing." "Deep breaths, nice and quiet." "Yes, good." " Okay, I know what to do now." " That's good, really good." "I'll say the baby is yours." "What?" "No, that's bad, really bad." " Yes." " Listen." "No." "I..." "Steffen's out of the picture, you just run and never come back." "What?" "No, I have nothing to do with it." " Choose your career with care." " What?" "Help, help!" "What d'you mean help?" "What are you doing?" " Stop it." " Papa!" "Listen..." "For fuck's sake!" " What's going on here?" " Listen, I just delivered the message." "What message?" " From Steffen." " From who?" "Steffen." "Her boyfriend Steffen." "He has to break up with her." "But they were only studying for school." "Oh!" "Super." "So I can go now." " What?" "You're pregnant." " Oh God , I don't believe it." "Yeah , I just found out, too." "Congratulations." "She said you're the father and you're blaming it on Steffen." " No, it's not true." "No." " I believe my daughter." " In this case you shouldn't." " Are you saying my daughter's lying?" " No, but she's not telling the truth." " I am." " No." " Never mind." " You will recognize the child and marry my daughter!" " No." " Yes." " No." "I can't." "How should that work?" "Okay, what's happening?" "What's he doing?" " Now run really fast!" " Run , okay." "Stop!" "Wait!" " Promise me not to use your right of withdrawal ." " Okay, I won't." "Run !" "Run away!" "Toto, run!" "Now what do we do, Paul?" "God, it's so high." "Where is he?" "More bullets!" " Let go." " No." "I'm scared." "Please get your head out of my ass." "Let go, man." "I made it!" "Watch out!" "Crap!" "You saved my life." "You saved my life." "I love you, man." "I love you." "We made it!" " Nothing like this has ever happened to me before." "Crazy." " Here's to life." "No, to you." "Just one more job, and then I'll be a partner." "Do you like your job?" "Yes." "Why?" "It's kind of sad, breaking people up." "Yes, sure it's sad sometimes." "But life isn't all great." "There are so many people in unhappy relationships, and I just help them to get happier." "To be happy, sometime." "And do you know why they're unhappy in their relationships?" "They all have such high expectations of love." "True love only exists in fairy tales." "And even if it really existed, out there... there are seven billion people." "How are you supposed to find the one?" "I don't believe that the right one exists either." " Really?" " No." "But I think that if you really get to know someone... then it can become true love." "But how are you going to know that it really is true love?" "You just know." "And it's the little things that make someone happy, just because you share them." "Kati for example..." "I love to snuggle in her neck, and then she always has to giggle." "That giggling, it's the most beautiful sound in the world." "Kati is and will always be my great love." "She's just unique." "To me she's unique, just like Natalie is unique for you." "Why do you think that Natalie is unique for me?" " Because you miss her." " How do you know?" "Paul , it's obvious." "You don't look at any other women." "And you tell me I should embrace life, and meet other women , but you don't." "Even if I did miss her, she broke up with me." "Come on, Paul." "That was no breakup." "It was a cry for help." "She just wanted you to commit, but you, you're just scared." "For whatever reason, but that's the way it is," " love is not for cowards." " I'm not a coward." "You are, otherwise you'd have gone to her ages ago." "And I swear, she lies awake at night... wondering why you aren"t beside her." "I'm scared that when I go to sleep beside someone... they'll be gone in the morning, when I wake up." "When I was young, my father put me to bed every night." "My parents didn't get on well." "They always argued." "It was hell." "But anyway, he always sat on my bed... and waited till I fell asleep." "When I was eight... then he suddenly wasn't there one morning." "He'd just gone." "Have you ever seen your father since?" " He got in touch years later, to meet up." " And?" "Nothing." "I didn't go." "Do you think Jenny won't want to see me?" "If I call her one day?" "I mean, I was just gone, too." "No idea." "Jenny is Kati's daughter, not yours." "For me she's like my daughter." "And for her, I'm like her father." "It will always be like that." "I hope so, anyway." "Look..." "I'll show you a picture." "Look." "Here." "That's my Jenny." "Sweet, eh?" "I love her so much." "By the way, the beds up there, they're screwed together." "Oh yeah?" "Oh what the hell!" "But keep your distance and keep your hands above the covers." "You fart all night anyway." "Yeah , exactly." "To release the pressure." " Excuse me, are you Paul Voigt?" " Yes." "Come here." "I have a surprise." "Compliments from your company." " What?" " It's an upgrade, a gift from your boss." "It's your 100oth job today." " Really?" " Yes." "And he says he's expecting you at six this evening in the office for drinks." "Is that for you?" "Thanks." "Come on." "Check out this car!" "I want to thank you for everything." "I mean , we've really done it." " It was good to talk last night." " It was good for me, too." "I want to ask you something about Jenny." " Did she really cause trouble at school?" " Crap!" "Kati's father must've said that." "No, a teacher picked on her so we put superglue on her chalk." "You're always a "troublemaker" after that." "I mean... maybe it's good that I'm away." "If she's happier that way." "Toto, I have to tell you something." "I..." "Your breakup." "Kati wasn't convinced, so she needed a little shove..." "Let me guess." "Must have been Kati's father." "Yes, but I played my part, too." "I talked her out of the relationship." " You didn't know me then." " Yeah, but the other day at breakfast." "What?" "The phone call, that was Kati?" "Yes and she was missing you." "But what about her new boyfriend?" "She doesn't have a new boyfriend." "I lied to you." "You did what?" " You lied to me?" "I thought you were my friend." " Watch out!" "I trusted you, you asshole." "Man, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay." "Well I've got news for you as well." "I had sex with Sarah and Vanni." " What?" " Yes, at the same time." " At the same time?" "Yes and it was great." "And they both like me, they think I'm wonderful." " That's my sister." " I don't care, you asshole!" "And my ex- girlfriend ." "Look out!" "And I'll tell you something else." "All three of us came at the same time, you wanker." "Hands off, you asshole." "Put your hands on the wheel!" " Oh God." " We made it!" "I told you, it brings good luck." " Good luck my ass!" "Look at the car!" " Are you insane?" "You're insane!" "Wait!" "Wait!" "Oh God." "Oh God." "God, fuck, shit." "Get out of the way, man." "Go away, go away." "Oh God, oh God." "Go away!" "Shit." "Shit." "Oh God, look at the car." "I'm going to lose my job now." "It's just an accident." "It's not just an accident." "Look at this shit." "Whatever." " What are you doing?" " I'm calling the police." "Man , give me that." "Give me the phone." "No, I wouldn't do that." "Why?" "I don't have a driver's license." "What do you mean you don't have a driver's license?" "You don't have a driver's license?" "This can't be happening." "Man, no driver's license, why did you lie to me?" "You should have told me!" " You lied to me, too." " But I didn't trash your car without a license!" " God, why did you do that?" " I was lonely." " Of course, because you were lonely!" " Do you know how it feels being lonely?" " Yes I do and I love it." " But I don't love it, Paul." "I hate it." "I had a family, a wife and a child, and I was happy, Paul." "Until you came and took it all away from me." "I trusted you, Paul." "I thought you were my friend." "I've driven you round the whole country, you asshole!" "Yeah, and you fucked my sister and my ex-girlfriend." "You said I should live a bit!" "But not with my family, man." "You've ruined everything." "You fucking idiot." "Hey, you stay here while I'm talking to you." "You are not leaving." "Toto, is everything okay?" "Wake up!" "Wake up, Toto." "Hello, Mr. Voigt." "How's the leg?" "It's fine." "How's he?" "We've stabilized him." "But there may be cranio-cerebral trauma." "Will he have long-term damage, or what?" "To be honest, we don't know if his brain is damaged." "The last few hours weren't easy." "He refused to go to sleep without someone in the room or his tiger." "That's normal." " That's normal?" " That's normal." "Then that's a relief for me." "We'd best leave him in peace." "We can walk for a bit." " Are you related to the patient?" " No." "A friend?" "Well, we work together." "Doesn't matter then." "I need to contact his next of kin, in case he comes round in a few days, so there's someone there." " Here." "Call me any time." " Thank you." "But I have this number already." "Here." "On the back of the emergency card, under "'friends""." "The other two, Kati and Jenny, must have new numbers." "I can't reach them." "That's okay, though." "You're there for him now." "Mr. Kuhlmann can consider himself lucky." " I'll look in later." "It'll all be fine." " Thanks." " Have a good day." " Thank you." " Hello?" " Paul, congratulations!" "Did the car arrive?" "Shit." " Yes, thanks." " You don't need to thank me." "You earned it!" "Just between us, the car's a peach , isn't it?" "You feel like you're flying." "I had an accident." "Did anything happen to the car?" "It doesn't matter, we're insured." "And tonight we celebrate." " Have you finished the last job?" " I lost my driver's license." "Don't worry, Mr. Dreher will take the case." "He's an... excellent lawyer with things like this." "So concentrate on the essentials." "You're a partner now." "How does that sound?" "See you this evening." "Don't come too late." "A very good afternoon to you." "Could I come in for a moment?" "You've come from my husband." " Yes." " And what's it about?" "Well..." " It's about..." " Mama," " Tatti took my doll again." " I did not." "Enough about the doll." "We have a visitor." "The man's brought a present for Mama." "Sorry, so what's it about?" "Did we win anything?" "Here he comes." "Paul , my dear fellow, congratulations." "Partner." "Now you really are a partner." "So, how does that sound?" "Great, eh?" "Many thanks for kicking Mr. Kuhlmann up the ass." "That's a gift to us all." "Congratulations again on your promotion, Mr. Voigt." "A round of applause!" "Many thanks." "I n the last few days I've learnt a lot." "There are many reasons why we should break up from someone, but there are at least twice as many reasons why we should stay together." "When I look around, then I see... people who've made it their mission to break up relationships for a profit." "I include myself." "We've all broken up relationships that were only in crisis, but who would never have abandoned love." "One such person is your daughter Kati." "Kati had the most enchanting, loving person as her boyfriend." "Yes, and I destroyed that happiness, and I realized we're not just messengers, we're bad advisors who only do their job well if they don't believe in love." "And I believe in love." "A friend told me that love is not for cowards." "Yes and he's right." "You have to dare." "And that's why I'd like to tell you that your partner is ending the relationship." "We're not cowards." "We're partners." "Shit." "My head." "The doctors say you'll die soon." "What?" "Really?" "Why?" "Just kidding." "You've got a cranio-cerebral trauma." "You'll be fine." "And your last job?" "Did you get it done?" "No." "I quit." "Yes." "And I have a surprise for you." "Hello, Toto." " Are you alright?" " Yes, yes." "Is that for me?" "Of course, who else?" "I'll get a vase." "You're back." "I'm so glad you're here." "I'm so sorry." "You look wonderful." "I fell out of a car, and got a cranio- cerebral trauma." "I magine that!" "I knew you would do that." "That's why..." "Alright." "There." "Hello, this is Natalie, please leave a message after the beep." "I'm not leaving." "Would you be so good and come to the door?" "If you don't, I'll sing on the machine until you volunteer to come out." "You know I'm a bad singer, so please come out." "Okay, so I'm going to start singing." "Have it your way." "It's a... song from a friend of mine." "So." "Un , deux, trois..." "Shit." "Alright." "I can do this for hours." "At night as well." "I'll do this for so long that you can't sleep, and you're really tired ." "Can you be any quieter?" "Sorry." "No, I have to..." "Hunger." "You still have to go shopping." "If you order food , you have to open up." "I'm staying till you speak to me." " Quiet up there." " Calm down, this is important." "I'm staying till you come back to me." "Because... from now on I want to stay with you." "Because I love you." "Listen." "You don't force me to do anything when you want to be close." "I really want that." "Unconditionally." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "One wish." "I'd like to go for a walk with you, and you tell me something about yourself." "Translated by:" "Simon McEachran"