" Are we rolling?" " Yes, rolling." " Where's the clapper already?" " Camera!" "Action!" " Do you know that in Prague in Brno tonight..." " Cut!" " Brno, Mirek, in Brno!" " Sorry, Lada, I know it's Brno, but I keep thinking of Prague." " Quiet, please!" "Ready..." "Camera..." "Action!" " Do you know that in Brno..." "In Brno..." "That, like, in Brno..." "Sorry." " Don't stop." "Mirek, if I don't say cut, don't cut, okay?" " Sorry, Lada, it's just not my day." " Go to hell!" " Quiet, please!" "Ready!" "Camera..." "Action!" " Can I?" " Action!" " You usually say it twice..." "So what?" "We can start, guys." "Do you know that in Brno..." "Goddammit, the number!" "Lada, I forgot the number." "Sorry." " It's important, isn't it?" " No, it's not!" " Who knows who's having sex in Brno every night?" " Exactly." " Dear TV viewers, good evening from Brno." "Don't Touch the Hot Plate is the title of an eleven- part series of small TV productions," "which..." "that... from Brno Television Studios." "The main character is the larger- than- life taxi driver Milos Hebda." "The conflict between freedom of imagination and daily stereotypes will play a key role in the recalcitrant" "taxi driver's many experiences." " 150,000 is the number, Mirek," " I know..." " So many?" " Yes!" " It seems impossible." "It threw me a bit." "Sorry." " Now you know, so let's go." "Ready on the set..." "Camera..." "Action!" "Do you know that in Brno tonight" " Cut!" " I'm such an ass." " Mirek, 150,000." " Of course." " Once again." "Ready." "Camera..." " I'm really ready." " Action!" " Do you know that in Brno tonight" "Sorry, Lada, but that just seems impossible." "Not that I care..." " Maybe some people Go a second round." " Good God!" "Microphone!" "Mr. Malatek!" "Cut!" "You've got to be kidding!" "Again?" "You're impossible to work with." " Sorry, director sir." " Sorry?" "God, that's all you can say!" " My arms hurt." " Bullshit!" "It's your job." "Break!" " Lada, I'm okay, right?" " A commonplace incident starts off tonight's episode:" "As a joke, Hebda gets Jindra to stick a light bulb in his mouth." "The series stars Mirek Norbacher of Brno's National Theater, an actor well- known from his many TV roles." "Dear friends, here's wishing you a pleasant TV experience." "present in cooperation with Czech Television" "BORED IN BRNO a comedy about defying fate" " Jarda?" " What?" " Can I ask you something?" " Yeah." " Is..." "Is..." "Isn't it too big?" " Well, it is big, but it's for practice." "A training tool." "Pick off some poppy seed." "Enough." "Place the roll firmly between your knees." "Good." "Take this and open it." " Just relax and take things slow." "But not so slow that he runs away." " You'll feel it." " I'll feel it..." " If you don't, open some wine, play some nice music..." "If you remember this then" "everything will come together." "Got any music?" " Yes." " What is it?" " I have, like..." " Hold it!" "Play this." "'Giving Love Is Beautiful'" " Take one out..." "Set the box down..." "Open it here." " I can't." " Put your teeth into it." " Got it." " Pull it out..." "Set the wrapper down..." "Now put it on the roll, the tip to the tip." ""Tip to tip, right;" and now roll it down." "Completely unroll it all the way down to the base." " It doesn't work." " What do you mean?" " It just doesn't." " The left holds it, the right rolls it." " It doesn't work." " How come?" " I don't know." " You've got it on backwards." "Be careful about that." "Blow into it first to make sure." " Man, only unroll it on the roll!" " Sorry," "Jarda, Sorry." "I thought..." "Sorry, sorry." "Well, this is Standa Pichlik, age 27." ""Standa's a bit slow;"" "he went to a special school." "Then he went to gardening school." ""He always liked cacti; thought" there'd be lots of them there." "There weren't, so he dropped out after a year." "He has papers on his condition." "He weighs 75... kilos and is 178 cm tall." "His favourite person of all... is his brother." " Sorry." " Don't ever do that again, understand?" " Sorry..." " Now you'll never get it on." " Sorry, Jarda, I'm an idiot." "Sorry." " You're not an idiot, so don't keep saying that." " Sorry." " Try it again." " Jarda Pichlik, age 25, 193 cm tall." "He graduated from a tech school in fermentation chemistry." "But he still plans on studying design." "Or at least... he'd like to." "He lost his virginity last year at cousin Ludmila's wedding." "He's felt pretty cool since then." "Most of the time." " It's like this:" "the first time is nothing." "It's..." "It isn't..." "It's just about doing it." "It's not going to feel good anyway." "So pretend." "But then again sometimes it's good to be honest so he'll know what you like, you know?" " I do." " No you don't..." "Listen..." "It's not going to be nice." ""It can't be;" it's not technically possible." "I fainted." " Come on, do it again." " Sorry." "Take it out, set the box down, open it..." "Take it out, set the wrapper down, blow on it..." "Place it tip to tip and roll it down." " It's hard... it's too hard..." " Careful!" " Careful!" "Careful not to puncture it!" " Sorry, sorry, I'm an idiot." "Am I going to be a brother-in-law or what?" "Okay, fine." "What next?" "Next?" "Nothing." "I guess you'll get to the end somehow." "You'll climax." " And then?" " That's it." "What else do you want?" " Jarda, don't smoke." " It's my business, eh?" " Sorry." " It's like this:" "Standa is in love with Olinka." "This spring it will be a year." "They first met at the regional championships in Vyskov." ""Standa was putting shot;" Olinka was sprinting." "It was love at first sight." "Standa decided to enter the race because of Olinka." "He even took silver." "He might have beaten Olinka but pulled up in the home stretch." ""Olinka is from Brno;" Standa from Hlubocky u Bruntalu." "That's why they've just written for so long." " Every day, huh?" " Except Sunday." "The mail doesn't come." " Not Saturday either, eh?" " Hey, Olinka, be careful..." "You can tell he's unstable from how he writes 'z.'" "In the word 'intercourze' it's slanted opposite from here:" "When I first zaw you," ""and here:" Bezt day of my life."" " You write 'intercourse' with a 'z'?" " Jarda often teased him about his letter writing, calling him Romeo." "But two days ago he had to pipe down when Olinka wrote:" "Standa, come to dinner next Friday." "You can even sleep over "if you need to."" "Standa doesn't need to, but he really wants to." " Okay now, Olinka, you should leave it partially up to him." "Touching..." "Those long cuddles..." "It's all gonna happen this very night..." " Olinka Simakova, age 24, 166 cm, 56 kilos." "She has an enormously big heart, a boyfriend near Bruntal, and a mother who's a real pain." "Her mother worries about her." "She sometimes calls her" " Yes, mom..." "I know, mom..." "Mom..." "I know, mom." "Please, I know." " Killing's too good..." " Olinka doesn't have a father." "He took off in 1983." "She's bright, trusting, and kind." ""Everyone in the building likes her;" they don't like her mother." """ " She's no mother;" she's a battle-ax." " Don't eat that, man." "It's lubricated." "It's all gonna happen tomorrow night." "No one's gonna help 'cos no one's in sight." " Jarda?" " What?" " You know what?" "Let's not go." " It's all gonna happen this very night." "No one's gonna help 'cos no one's in sight." "It's all gonna happen this very night." "If I'm good to you," "I'll deserve you too..." "Produced by" "Directed by Written by" "Starring" " How big is he?" " What?" " Is he small?" " Why?" " It'd be good if he were small." "Little guys have big ones." "It's an unwritten law." "They walk softly but carry big sticks." " Jitka, age 42, works as culture editor for a Brno paper." "She was married from 1989 to 1994." "Regrettably, her marriage ended when her husband smeared two kilos of lard into her hair." " If he hits you come tell us and I'll give him what for." "That's unacceptable." "Everything has its limits." " As soon as he gets here come on over" ""like you want to introduce him;"" "we'll check him out and tell you right then, yes or no." " Good God, it's your mom." " Hang up." " Turn that phone off anyway." " And you're sure your mom won't be there?" " Yes, I'm sure." " She's got a get- together." " Excellent." " Jarda, can I ask you something?" " What?" " Can..." "Can..." "Can we go back maybe?" " No." " Sorry." "I apologize." " Don't be scared, try different positions." "And just keep whispering:" "Touch me, Standa..." "Touch me, Standa." " Touch me, Standa." " Standa..." " Standa..." " Can I help you?" " I'm trying to get a signal." " Try elsewhere, Dopey." " Just watch it." " Touch me, Standa..." " Touch me, Standa..." " Scared?" " No." " It's normal to be scared." " I'm not scared." " Everyone is." "I was scared too the first time." " I'm not scared." " I'm still scared." "I even had a fever." " I'm not scared!" " And when we got undressed... got naked..." "both of us..." ""My teeth started chattering;" stomach nerves." " Your stomach?" " Yeah." " I feel sick." " What?" " Jarda, I'm gonna be sick." " How come?" " I don't know." " And breathe!" "Breathe!" "Breathe!" "Breathe!" "But not so much that you hyperventilate and faint." " Don't scare her." " That's what happened to me!" " It's quite possible he'll fall asleep right after." "Men are tired." "So he just might fall asleep." ""Don't worry; just let him sleep."" "It's good to have some food ready for when he wakes up." " I'm making tomato soup." " Forget the soup." " Make chops." " One thirty... exactly." " Brno..." " Brno..." " Brno..." "The historic capital of Moravia, and the Czech Republic's second largest city." "It is a center of culture, higher education, scientific research, and sports." "Favourable conditions enabled prehistoric settlement." "Tortured longing... to be a man... today." "Naked, she'd run away." "He could bay" "like a dog" "Tonight it's all gonna happen." "It's all gonna happen..." "Girls!" "To Olinka!" "To Olinka!" " To Olinka!" " May it work out." " May it work out nicely!" " Let's down it." " No downing." " Who's drowning?" " Oh, Zorka!" " Help yourselves." " Let's turn on the TV." "I'll do it." "P like Pavel?" "Hey, take all blowing smoke rings or anything else outside." "A three-letter bird famed for its wisdom..." "So how many women have you slept with?" "Slept with...?" "A lot!" "What exactly do you mean though?" " Here's your beer." " Thanks." " How many..." "It's always difficult... to decide what counts..." "How many?" "How many?" "Oh, man..." "If I think back..." "In round numbers I'd guess... at least ten." "But there were really more, lots more." " So you don't remember." " Man..." "Sometimes it's, like..." "completely mind-blowing." "Jarda, you're a real dude." " a well- known wise bird..." " a Czech poet, Antonin..." " 'L' as in Lada" " 'L' as in Lada." "No." " It's nice here, isn't it?" " Glad you like it." "Beautiful dress." "Really wonderful!" " It's a blouse." " Dr. Vlasta Kulkova, age 40." " How to be a pleasant companion." "First of all: yawning." " Vlasta is a psychologist." "Glass meadow, 2nd floor," "Her apartment door bears a 'rainbow power' sticker." "She's lived alone for 4 years." " So, women, when you yawn cover you mouth, please." "Second: faces." "Women, don't make faces during conversation." " You look Good too." " Pretty dress, pretty woman." "What more could a Man want?" " You also seem interesting..." "A person tries to do his best." "I work on myself." "Do you know I'm an actor?" " Mirek Norbacher, age 52, member of the National Theater Brno." "Mirek is sensitive." "He feels like a sad, lost little chick, but he'd never admit this to anyone." "He will die tonight at exactly 4:02 AM daylight saving time." " Yeah, an actor." " What have you been in... for instance?" " I've had dozens of roles..." "Did you happen to catch..." "a recent Brno TV production" "about a sewage treatment plant?" " Sorry." "I don't watch much television." " Like a lot of people these days." "It doesn't matter." "The character of Mr. Brlik..." "That was me." "Really?" "I'd never have known." " we need a three- letter bird..." " K like Karel?" " No." " No?" "But I already sent the kids on a trip." "I'm sorry..." "but... unfortunately, it's not going to work out." "No." " Man, sometimes I feel like I'm blazing." "Like now." "I mean, like, these women, really..." "Oh, man, these are blazing times." " What do You mean blazing?" " Man, I want to touch them..." "Squeeze them, man, spaim them, man, sink right in." " That's good, isn't it?" " Yeah, but it ain't happening." " What?" " It just ain't happening." " Honza Bedura and Pavel Velicka, age 24 and 27, friends." "At age nine- - Honza was nine," "Pavel six- they wanted to be blood brothers but neither dared make the cuts." "Honza has problems with his ego, Pavel with his orientation." "He'd love to call Honza a variety of tender names." " Brad Pitt." " Who?" " You." " Me?" " Yeah." " I can't even..." "I really can't." "Don't be mad." " I'm not mad." " No." "That's final." " Goodbye." " Goodbye." " You know, I'm quite happy we met like this." "I Really am." " I'm happy too..." "Mirek." " Would you like something else?" "Coffee?" "Or tea?" " Earl Grey maybe?" " No." "How about a drink then?" "I am literally tortured by an internal conflict between... what my body wants and what my soul wants." "Somehow I'm more and more afraid of partner sex." "But..." "Richard, with me there's nothing to be afraid of." "I don't know." "Jaroslava Plevakova, age 19, is a magnet for losers." "At 17 she wanted to go to Bombay with her English teacher, but he was a loser." "At 18 she was a yogini and was a success in her holotropic breathing course that is," "until she found out her teacher was an incredible loser!" "In January, bitterness drove her to attempt suicide." "Now she longs to meet the Dalai Lama." "Richard Klech is her latest discovery." "Okay, two." "And I was with Klara..." "for a while." " Two, huh?" " If 'sleep with' means the act of penetration." """ " That's relatively few;" I'm pretty surprised." "You're a real dork." "An idiot!" "You're such an idiot." "You see?" "I always said I was an idiot and you said I wasn't." "But now it comes out that I am an idiot." "Thanks a lot!" " You are." " You didn't have to tell me today." ""I could have gone to Prague;" they made me good offers... the City Theater, the Realistic." "The Neumann's called," "I could have gone, but I'm a Brno native and I always put on the brakes." "Internal brakes are my problem." "You get so close and nothing!" "It always happens when I speak to a person with a vagina." "I'm cursed." "Here's a clue:" "It goes 'hoo, hoo.'" " J like Jan?" " No..." "It's your turn." " S like Stanislav?" " Yes!" " W like Wenceslas?" """ " You're right; it's an owl!"" "Olinka, I'm home..." " Why, mom, why...?" " What stinks here?" "Did you cook?" "Did you fry something?" "Well..." "I tried something new." "What about your get- together?" "What happened?" " Doctor..." " Vlasta." "Vlasta, of course..." "I'm looking for a kindred soul." "I'm looking for a friend... for a person..." "Must have recognized me." "Well, for a person... who'd sympathize with me, you know?" "who'd understand me." "It's about love, not sex." "I long terribly for love." "That's why I always want sex." "To be honest, my whole body longs for a woman." "But my mind says, No... no, no, no!" "It's afraid." "I don't know of what, but it's afraid." "Mirek, come home with me." "What did you fry?" "Pork chops." " Pork chops?" "Where are they?" "I ate them." "Why are these stickers everywhere?" "I made us coffee." "Look around." "The eyes." "The breasts." "The stares." "The sex in their eyes, that's what I want." "Then why don't you go for it?" "I got to piss." "If you start getting sad, just hang in there." " I'll be okay." " Stay here." " Did You have bread with the pork chops?" " Yes." "Olinka?" "Are you lying to me?" "No." "Olinka?" "You ate them without bread." "No." "You can't do that." "It's not healthy." "No, no, no!" "Aren't you going to that get together?" " No!" "What time is it?" " Almost seven." " Let's go." "Let's go." "Good night!" "Yuck!" "What is it?" "Coffee." "Tastes kind of musty." "How about some milk?" " No, no milk." "It's incredible what they sell you these days." "Watch out, cops!" "I read somewhere that if you stick, that if you put a normal light bulb in your mouth" "you'll never get it out." "Interesting, huh?" " What?" " A normal light bulb!" "It's all gonna happen this very night." "But try as I might I won't try to fight." "It's all gonna happen this very night." "No one's gonna help 'cos no one's in sight." "Playing one song over and over is kind of a strange habit." "Maybe the player's stuck." "Then they could shut it the fuck off." "Oh, Brno!" "How I love Brno!" "Hey, baby, how're you doing?" "I'm doing just fine, and I'm in Brno!" "I'm here, you're here, and that's good." "Today, my lover we're gonna love tonight!" "A light bulb in your mouth?" "That's just nonsense." "...the daisy chain is floating down the river." " I read about it!" " What goes in, must come out." "Where is he already?" " Sweater or No sweater?" " Who cares?" " Sweater or no sweater?" " No Sweater then." " No Sweater then." " Ambulance" "Jarda..." "I'm scared." " Standa, you're not scared." " I am." "You're... not... scared." "Is that clear?" " Ambulance!" " This is life or death, man!" " Oh, another ambulance!" " We are losing him, he's terribly pale." "Standa!" "Tonight in Brno..." "With a population of 400,000 about 100,000 will have sex." "Or maybe 80,000." "There's 50,000 retirees... and some others who just don't want to." "Then there's Buddhists and they bring the average down." " Breathe, Jindrich?" "Breathe through your nose!" " Lean your head back." "You see?" " Goddammit!" "What a life, eh?" " Wait right here!" " My God, what dumb stairs!" "It's all gonna happen this very night." "No one's gonna help 'cos no one's in sight." "Kid, it always starts like this, but then the trouble comes." "It's all gonna happen this very night..." " M..." "M..." "Mom, forgive me." "Please, forgive me, okay?" " Shall I take My shoes off?" " If you wouldn't mind." "When I get home from a long day I'm tired and hungry, right?" "So I ask her, Is there anything to eat?" "And she says, Didn't you eat?" "You must have eaten..." " have a seat. - here?" " Wherever You like." " Make yourself at home." " Well, maybe here then..." "Good God!" "This is great." " Hey, Mirek, I hope you won't be angry." " Why?" " I didn't expect you, so there's only... cod liver!" " Cod liver!" "I've loved cod liver and the oil since I was a kid." ""Give it here and I'll open it;" no problem..." "I told her so many times we should have a system." "You'll have even days, I'll have the odd ones..." "The trash can doesn't have to stink for a whole week." "What a pig I am!" "What a mess?" " You have to ask yourselves frankly why you're together." " You're right, we do..." "Got a rag, Vlasta?" "Shit..." " How could it have happened?" """ " They made this up;" it's a complete fiction!" " You've had enough to drink, eh?" " I read it in Cinema magazine." " He's here." " Hi." "This..." "This is Standa." " Yeah." " Pleased to meet you, Standa." " Good evening..." "I'm Standa." "Stanislav Pichlik." "Can I count you as my friends?" " Music or silence?" " Music..." "Music without question." " Nervous, Mirek?" " Wh" " Wh" " Why wou- would I be nervous?" "Well, cheers..." " To love, Mirek." " Sure... to love." " Come on." " Hold him!" " So, how was your trip, Standa?" " Good." " Any trouble getting here?" " My brother." "He knows..." "He knows Brno... a bit." "More than me, absolutely." " do You like Brno?" " a bit." "Better than Hlubocky, absolutely." "Functionalism, architect Fuks, Hotel Avion, etc., etc." "I'd like some." "Can I?" " Help yourself, Standa." " How many?" " As many As You wish." " All of them?" " Sure, all of them." " So where's your brother while you're here?" " I don't know." "Probably in the park." "How old's your brother?" "Does he have a cellphone?" " Mirek?" " Vlasta?" " Mirek?" " What is it, Vlasta?" " Can You Make noise?" " Sure." " What's wrong?" " Nothing, It's okay." " Something happen?" """ " No, I'm fine; it's okay."" " Something wrong?" " wrong?" "Well, you bit me a little." "Relax..." " Relax, Mirek." " I'm relaxed, Vlasta." " Okay, women, in order to understand who we are, what we want, what we don't want," "and what we can change, we have to know, above all else, what it's all about." "The male genital organs." "Be spontaneous." "Do whatever you want." " Want to scream?" " No, I'm okay." " Scream, Mirek..." "Scream!" " I don't want to, Vlasta." " Enjoy the food." " Enjoy the food." "Well?" "How was I?" " Perfect." "Just perfect." " It'll be good, I'm sure." " The daisy chain is floating down the river..." " I don't know how..." "but I can tell." " Really?" " I can feel it." "Some people can see auras." "But I can tell who's got a big one." " As long as he knows when to stop." "Those mental cases are like rabbits." " Oh, dear!" "Is" " Is" " Is there carrot in the salad?" " Yes, does it matter?" " I'll pick it out." "Carrots everywhere." "It doesn't matter." " Something's wrong..." " I knew it All along." " Wait..." " Please, stop it." " Ow, - it's nothing." " Oli..." " Good evening." " Good evening." " Is Andrea here?" " What's wrong?" " Come home." "Baby's crying." " Milos, you're a dork." " I thought Something was wrong." " Milos, you can't do that." "My heart's pounding." " Come home..." " No!" " Is..." "Is it p- p- pork or chicken?" " It's pork." " But I..." "I only eat white meat:" "chicken, poultry, fish, game..." "rabbit sometimes." " I didn't know..." " It's okay." " You don't have to eat it." " Thank you." " I'll tell you the problem:" "take Pavel Horky..." " I'm going to pee." " He'd like to!" "He's always calling around." "But it's all talk, no action!" "Marie Loucka knew as soon as she saw him." "She saw it clearly." "She says:" "Don't go for him." "He's got a small one!" "Sorry, Zora." " Sorry, Vlasta." " It's just psychological, Mirek." " I know." " Stop feeling responsible." " Right..." "Stop feeling you've got to perform." " That's it exactly." " You don't have to do a thing as far as I'm concerned." "Understand?" " Vlasta?" "You may not believe this," "but I haven't had such a nice chat in a long time." " And you just keep asking yourself:" "What am I doing wrong?" "How am I messing up?" "He's got a little one!" " Did I..." "Did I say something wrong?" " Tick- a- lock, eh?" " The dessert is good." " Quiet!" "Olinka..." " Olinka?" " Oli?" " Good evening..." "Richard?" "Tick- a- lock, okay?" " Thank you." "Can I..." "Can I sleep here?" "I'd like to go to sleep." " Sure." "The bathroom's over there." "I left a toothbrush there for you." "And the blue towel's yours." "The blue towel and the blue toothbrush." " I already bathed." " Man, I wouldn't mind her." " Well, I bet you could get her." "I think." " That's what I'm afraid of." " Should I turn the light off?" " Won't it get cold here?" " Are you scared?" " When I'm dressed, covered up... it's a lot better." "It can't compare." "Much better." " Is it always like this?" "I didn't even notice when we were fooling around." "Well, never mind..." " Good night." " 'Night." " What is it?" " Got enough pillow?" " What?" " Is that enough pillow?" " I don't know." " Just a second." " But I said it..." "I did." "Heart, get down." "Get down, Heart!" "Heart, down!" "Move it!" "There was no reason to even try it." " Don't be angry, okay, mom?" "Don't be angry..." " Well, I'm going." """ " Yeah, go; just go already, please."" " Nothing else is going to happen anyway" " Yeah, okay." " You're tired too." " You know it." " Vlasta?" "'" " What?" " I'll turn that off, huh?" " Sure, turn it off." "Please." "He's just keeps bellowing..." "On top of everything, it's my wife's birthday today." "On top of everything..." " Are you waiting for me to fall asleep?" " What?" " I've got to take off my nylons because it's so hot." "Hey..." "Legs!" " Okay..." "Age doesn't matter to today's woman." "But overall appearance and self-confidence do." "Quiet!" " One, two..." "The power of love within us..." " Your ears cold." " I know..." "Sorry." "Sorry, I'm an idiot." "I'm an idiot!" "It's stomach nerves." ""We should go;" we've got to get up early." " Man, I wouldn't mind her." " Time to go, we're closing." "My God, I know it's "your birthday; everyone knows."" "We're solving a life crisis here and you're worried about cake!" "Slap me." " What?" " Slap me." "Why?" " Just slap me." "Go ahead." "Don't be afraid." " Really?" " Really." "Again!" "Come on, can't you just slap me?" "You really can't slap me?" " I..." "I can't." " Just slap me." "Go ahead." "Try it." "Mirek, come home." "I've got a cake here." "Can you tell me why the two of us are together?" "You'll eat some cake, go to bed, and forget about all this." "You'd be helping me out." "Heart, go to hell!" "Go to hell!" "Standa, touch me." "Touch me, Standa." "Wh- wha- what are we going to do?" "Touch me, Standa." "Wh- wha- what should I do?" "Lie down next to me." "Call me names too!" " You..." "You asshole!" " Curse me more!" "You..." "Richard, I don't want to." " More names!" "Beat me!" " You asshole!" "You asshole!" " Try Something else." "You..." "I can't, Richard." "Heart, get out!" "Get out!" "I'm asking:" "Why are the two of us together?" "We'll talk about it in the morning." "Marie, don't hang up!" "Let me tell you something, Marie." "You just hung up on 20 years of being together." "Hey, Pavel, be honest, okay?" "What're we doing wrong?" "Can you tell me?" "I think... that I don't know." "You've got to loosen up." "We're all cramped up like." " We've got to loosen up." " Man, I'm loose." "You're not, Honza, you're not." "You're all blocked up." " You think I'm blocked up?" " Yeah." "Don't perceive women as just bodies." "Think about something anti- sexual, you know?" "But what do I want?" "I want love." "Love's what I want!" """ " Like mushrooms;" think about picking mushrooms." " Love!" " Man, what time is it?" " Half past." "Where is it, dammit?" "I gotta get up at four, man." "Hey..." "If you want you can sleep at our place." "It's closer." "Kissing..." "Undressing..." "Caressing..." "The push to press..." "Feels sublime." "And time" "In this moment stops." "You asshole!" "You bastard!" "Oh, Richard, this seems kind of weird." "Darling, I love you, but don't keep stopping, okay?" "Bastard!" "Bastard!" "..." "This is complete bullshit!" "Go get the vacuum cleaner pipe." " What's unexciting for you?" " What?" "Unexciting?" " I don't know." " Think about it." " I am." " Chicken." " Chicken?" "What do you mean chicken?" "Like, eating chicken or living chicken?" "Living or dead, it doesn't matter." "It doesn't get me off." "Well, when you meet a chick just imagine she's a chicken." "Man, it's such a mystery isn't it?" "Life is." "Existence hurts." "Being is agonizing because it's the illusion of separation." "And... in solitude there's fear." " How's the tea doing?" " I'll get it." "Heart, it's straight to the balcony with you!" "Jaroslava?" "Think you could take Heart down to pee?" "Sure." " Turn on the light." " Can I?" " Of course." "Someone rang." "It'll be Milos again for sure." "Well?" "You will be quiet!" "Silence!" "Thank you!" "Marie..." "Marie..." "Fucking cellphone!" "Fucking SMSes!" "Fucking Brno!" "What're you gawking at, Brno?" "Hebda..." "Hebda's going home." "Taking a tram..." "Fucking relationships!" "Fucking love!" "Fucking departures!" "Go, man!" "It's already half past!" "He's going, man, he's going..." "Well..." "It seems we're alone, Jarda..." "Recognize me?" "Want an autograph?" "Want some?" "I bought this today." "Because she doesn't know, she doesn't understand." "I called her." "I sent her a fucking SMS." "Hey man, if you can't hear that, it's beyond me." "We've lived together for twenty years." "Twenty years we've lived together." "Drive over the hill and drop me at..." "Coffee..." "Tomatoes..." "Olina?" " Olina?" " My mom." " Olina?" " My mom!" "I'm locked in." "What're you doing?" "Nothing." "There was a fly there." " Are you gay?" " No." "I'm not." " Then What Are You doing?" " Sorry." "There was a fly there." " What Time is it?" " Two thirty." "Let's sleep." "We have to get up in an hour." "Olina!" "Olina!" "Are you there, Olina?" "You've got a boy there!" " Olina?" " What?" "Open this door immediately, you hear?" "Open it!" "Olina!" "What'll you drink?" "Jameson on the rocks." "The rocks!" " There's rum or Fernet." " Okay then, Fer... rum!" "Is there any wine?" "Hmm... wine..." "What kind?" "It's too late to escape!" "I'm shocked!" " What'll we do?" " I don't know." " What'll we do?" " I don't know." " What'll we do?" " I don't know." "I don't know..." "Jarda?" " What?" " Did you know that there are ten times more people than roaches?" " Did you know that?" " Really?" "Interesting." "I didn't know that." "Actually it's fewer." "There are ten times fewer people than roaches." "It's all gonna happen this very night..." "Honza, did you know that death's always just on our left?" " How on our left?" " I read about it." " What?" "Where?" " In a magazine." "Why isn't it on our right?" """ " I don't know; they didn't say."" " Did they say why on our left?" "No." " Hey!" "Take the tunnel!" " To Lisen?" " Of course." "Olina, open the door or I'll go out the window!" "Olina..." "There's a window in here." "I'll escape along the ledge!" "You will regret the scene I'm going to make." "I'm opening the window!" "Fucking transit system!" "Fucking morning!" "Fucking summer!" "What, you idiot?" "Fucking traffic!" "Fucking life!" "Fucking world... and the whole fucking universe!" "150,000 people having sex..." "Where'd you get that, Lada?" "Olina!" "I'm standing on the ledge..." "Olina!" " Mom..." " I'm falling, Olina, I'm going to fall!" "Olina, It's your last chance..." "I'm falling!" "Hey, Pavel, I think you should find some chick." "You too." " What?" "Well, in a nutshell that's what happened in Brno tonight." "There will be no rolls in Lisen tomorrow morning." "Standa set an amateur record "for an 11 K run;"" "no one will ever know about it." "Traffic to Lisen will be shut down for 30 minutes." "Out on the ledge," "Jarda will very soon realize he doesn't know what to do." "At home on the balcony, Marie little suspects that this will be the worst day of her life." "She's truly sorry for hanging up on Mirek, and is already planning a nice lunch." "She'll make apricot dumplings, lots of them." "Mirek Norbacher died, as predicted, at exactly 4:02 AM." " We hit Hebda!" " Calm down..." " We hit Hebda!" " Just calm down." " But we hit Hebda!" " I love you, you know." " But we hit Hebda!" " It'll be okay, Pavel..." " Pavel and Honza finally said... what was what." " I love you." "Vlasta forgave herself." "Jitka Spacilova enjoyed to the utmost the morning rerun featuring that stupidity about a light bulb." "Introducing a light bulb into the oral cavity may involve serious health risks." "Don't try this at home!" "In Olinka's body, Stanislav Pichlik's sperm are feverishly scrambling towards the goal." "Olina..." "How..." "How could you?" "You've..." "disappointed me... terribly." "Don't push, I've got terrible vertigo." "Olinka?" "Olinka?" "What is it?" "No!" "Don't you dare!" "Don't do this!" "Your entire life for shit!" "Your entire life!" "Open the door right now!" "I'm lost respect for you!" "I..." "I..." "I came back." "The pigeons are making me terribly nervous..." "Day is breaking after a long night." "Night gives way, as is wise." "Walnuts crack quiet in the trees" "Forgive me, love, for all that didn't happen." "It's all gonna happen tomorrow night." "Good morning!" "Good morning." "BORED IN BRNO a comedy about defying fate" "Based on the story Standa's Debut by Pavel Bedura" "Produced by" "Sponsored by The Klicpera Theater" "Written by" "Music Sound" "Edited by" "Director of Photography" "Directed by" "...Don't try this at home!" "Filming dates:" "We took August 11th off to attend the script girl's wedding."