"Subtitles:" "Translated by AsifAkheir" "Children, line up straight." "You in the back, please..." "In the back, stand up straight!" "Ready for the photo." "Settle down" "Children, please !" "Children!" "The back row, stand up straight." "Please!" "You two arguing... quiet" "The other day, our teacher gave us an odd composition topic." "Explain what you want to be when you grow up." "Come, Nicolas, it's not that hard." "But it is, if you don't know what you want to be." "The others, all know." "Alceste, for example, he wants to be a minister." "Alceste is my best friend, a fat kid who eats all the time." "That's ham hock." "That's pork loin." "Those are pork chops." "That's pig's snout." "They say it's no good, but really it is." "The thing that attracts him to the job of a minister is that they have lots of banquets." "At our house for Christmas, we're having granny, aunt Dorothy and uncle Eugene." "At our place, we're having sausage, turkey and chestnuts." "Geoffroy will work with his father." "Hello?" "I'll put him on." "Hello, yes ?" "Geoffroy lives in a big house with a big garden." "He even has a kidney-shaped pool." "Geoffroy's dad is very rich and buys him anything he wants." "What Geoffroy likes best of all is dressing up." "Since Geoffroy's dad works a lot," "It's Albert, the butler, who always takes care of him." "That's Clotaire." "He has a neat bike." "It's a racing bike. (running)" "Why's it got a rack?" "I told you, it's for (running) errands" "Clotaire's dream is to be a champion cyclist." "Louis XVI died on the scaffold." "Clotaire!" "What did I just say?" "Clotaire is at the bottom of the class." "A scaffold?" "(échafaud)" "What's a scaffold for?" "For boiling water?" "(échauffeur)" "Stand in the corner." "No matter what the question he's punished and grounded for recess." "When he brings home his report card, he's not allowed TV and dessert." "When the principal scolds him, he says:" "Your parents deprive themselves to give you an education!" "You little ingrate!" "Of course, report card time is no fun for anyone." "Nicolas:" "Undisciplined, easily distracted." "Could do better." "The only one who isn't afraid is Eudes." "Eudes: "Quarrelsome and aggressive, in class and at playtime." "Fair grades in singing."" "My father never says a thing." "You know why?" "I look him straight in the eye, like this." "Then he signs the report and that's that." "What kind of grades are these?" "[Smack] To bed !" "And no dessert!" "I guess he must not have looked straight enough into his eyes." "Eudes wants to be a bandit." "Hey guys, I wanna be a bandit." "That's no profession!" "Bandit?" "!" "It is too!" "Without bandits, there'd be no police." "Your father'd be out of a job and you'd live in a shack." "Say that again!" "Yes a perfectly rotten shack." "Rufus wants to be a policeman, like his father." "But talk about goofing up, he's the champ." "Hey guys, look a monster!" "Guess who it is?" " Frankenstein!" " The mummy!" " Belphegor!" "The werewolf!" "My aunt Germaine!" "No!" "It's old spuds!" "(Bouillon)" "Old spuds is our supervisor." "the call him that because he says:" "Look me right in the eye." "And potatoes have eyes too." "I didn't get it at first either." "Grown-ups explained it to me." "Old spuds loves giving out sentences to copy." "Copy 100 times: "l will not mock my supervisors by making grotesque imitations, ungrounded in objective reality."" "The only one that'll never happen to, is Agnan." "Agnan is top of the class and teacher's pet, but above all he's a dirty rat.(cockroach)" "Look, Miss!" "They're talking." "We don't like him much, but we can't hit him, because he's got glasses." "You can't hit me, I've got glasses." "We couldn't find out what Agnan wants to be when he grows up." "Miss, he's copying." "Dad wanted to be lots of things when he was my age," "He often says that if he hadn't married mom, he would've become a soccer champion... a champion swimmer..." "Gentlemen, on your marks," "Get set..." "And even... a champion cyclist." "World champ mythomaniac..." "Grand champion, even!" "That's Mr. Bledurt, our neighbor." "Who asked you," "Mr. Nothing-better-to-do-than-to-eavesdrop?" "Eavesdrop ?" "!" " Watch it..." " You gonna hit me ?" "Ooh, I'm scared !" "Dad and him like to tease each other." "Don't touch me!" "What kind of sport is mythomania?" "Get back on your side!" "And then there's mom." "MOM!" "MOM!" "One thing's for sure, mom always wanted to be a mom." "And anyway I wouldn't want her to do anything else." "You scared me." "The reason I don't know what I want to be when I grow up." "Is because my life is swell and I don't ever want it to change." "Who knows the story of Tom Thumb?" "Eudes?" "Eh, he's a little guy?" "Yes." "What else?" "Rufus?" "He's takes advantage of being little to steal, and stuff." "Not exactly." "Alceste?" "He refuses to eat, so he's all skinny." "Not quite." "Nicolas?" "Ok, go ahead, Agnan." "Tom Thumb was called Tom thumb because he was as little as a thumb." "He was the youngest of a poor woodcutter's family who could no longer feed their children." "So they decided to abandon them in the forest." "Luckily, little Tom..." "Congratulations, Joachim." "Pass it on:" "'Joachim has a little brother'." "Silence!" "Clotaire, what are you doing?" "Come on, tell us!" "I was fast asleep." "Dad came and woke me up." "He was dressed and unshaved, and he started to laugh." "He said during the night, I'd had a little brother." "And then?" "He took me to see my mother." "She was at the hospital, but she looked as happy as dad." "And next to her, was my little brother." "You sure don't look happy." "Why would I be?" "He's always screaming, but if I raise my voice they shush me and dad says I give him a headache." "If I go near the cradle, they tell me to scram." "How big is a baby?" "About this high." "Then put your toys that high." "They'll make you share your room with him." "No way, it's my room!" "It's mine!" "Put him in the garden." "We don't have a garden." "Then build one." "How about the garage?" "That's where our dog sleeps." "I wanted a bicycle, not a brother." "You're screwed." "He'll steal all your candy and you can't complain." "'Cause if you complain, they say you're jealous and punish you." "You might end up in the garage, instead." "You're screwed." "You didn't have any idea?" "No." "But, dad had been acting strange." "Like what?" "Well, like he was real nice to my mother." "For example, he'd carry the groceries home." "He'd say, "Let me, darling." "Don't tire yourself out."" "One day, he even took the trash out without moaning." "Now that's rare !" " Mom?" " Yes, sweetheart?" "How do you make babies?" "Oh look, your father's home!" "Surprise!" ""For Nicolas, whose father works so hard"." "Signed:" "Roger Moucheboume." "Mr. Moucheboume is dad's boss." "Did you get the note I left with your secretary?" " What note?" " About my raise and promotion..." "We'd talked about it." "We'll see about that later." "I have a little favor to ask you..." "Mom and dad argue a lot about him." "He's taking advantage of you." "Fine, I'll quit !" "Satisfied ?" "Nicolas, pack your bags, we're going to live in a trailer." "Great, I'll get my suitcase !" "I must say, mom and dad argue a lot." "Why didn't you have it delivered?" "It cost 50 F more." "It weighs a ton, where do I put it?" "What good is a raise, if we still live like bums?" "I haven't got it yet." "On the little table?" " I thought..." " Look, it's not sure." "On the table or the dresser?" "Then we shouldn't have bought a TV." "We're still making car payments." "Should I return it or set it down?" "Don't rush me!" "I hate being rushed." "But things always work out." "Ok, put it there." "Well, usually." "Nicolas?" "Yes?" " Never get married." " Ok." "Nicolas, I think you should write" "Mr. Moucheboume a thank you note." ""Dear sir..." no, "dear Mr. Moucheboume..."" "No, that's too familiar." ""My dear Mr. Moucheboume..."" "Hang on... honey!" ""Dear sir", "Dear Mr. Moucheboume"" "or "My dear Mr. Moucheboume"?" "Don't shout!" "I can't hear a thing in the kitchen." ""Dear sir" or "Dear Mr. Moucheboume"..." " "Dear Mr. Moucheboume"." " Isn't that too familiar?" " Isn't "dear sir" better?" " Then why ask me?" ""Dear sir", comma, new line," ""It was with surprise that I had the great surpr..." no." ""It was with joy..." no." ""It was with pleasure..." ""that I had the great surprise..." no. "the immense surprise..."" "Why not "monstruous surprise" while you're at it?" ""The great surprise..." ""of receiving your lovely gift..." no. "your..."" " "Neat gift"?" " No, "your marvelous gift"." "He's right, "neat" is more natural." "Can we write this letter without interruptions !" ""Your lovely gift", period." "New paragraph." ""My respects..." no." ""Respectfully yours..."" "Hang on..." ""Respectfully yours" or "My sincere respects"?" "Just say: "My sincere respects"... and sign it." "Nicolas, please." "Nicolas..." "Stop it with that god-awful toy!" "I'll never get that promotion." "What if we invited the Moucheboumes for dinner?" "He'd see adifferent image of you." ""One day, he even took out the trash, without moaning."" ""That's very rare"" " Honey, I'll get it." " Thank you, darling." "That's sweet of you." " Which cups should I get?" " Leave it, I'll get them." "No, It' my pleasure." "You'll never find them, love, Let me..." " I'm getting a brother!" " When?" "I don't know." "But it's exactly like Joachim said." "Where is Joachim anyhow?" "Children!" "Stand in line and follow me." "No class today, the doctors are here to examine you." "Shh!" "Miss!" "Joachim isn't here." "Yes, I know." "His parents called" "Come on now, follow me." "Quietly!" "Odd that Joachim's missing?" "Must be because of his little brother." "Maybe his parents abandoned him in the woods like Tom Thumb." "How was it ?" "Does it hurt ?" "Does it ever !" "They had to strap us down." "I don't wanna go!" "I want my mommy!" "Agnan, what's wrong ?" "Calm down." "I won't see the doctor!" "If you go see the doctor like a good boy," "I'll test you in math." "On fractions?" " Yes." " Alright !" "It'll be OK, children." "Let's go." "I'll show you some images." "And you tell me what you see." "Ready?" "What do you see?" "My father's car." "My father's boat." "My father's airplane." "Cough." "Good." "Cough." "Alright." "Cough..." "I'm listening." "I didn't know." "I didn't study." "Just tell me what runs through your head." "I should say a date?" "A date?" "You see a date?" "I don't know." "A date." "And here?" "It's not me." "It's not you..." "Ok." "And this?" "Where are you going?" "It's not fair." "It wasn't me who made those stains." "Next." "Take off your glasses, and read this" "Take them off, I said !" "And this ?" "Still something to do with your father ?" "No." "That's my mother's coat." "Which my father bought her." "Next." "Without the sandwich, it'll give the wrong weight." "It's a little boy," "Who finds a seed, and he plants it." "The seed grows and... becomes a little baby that starts to grow... and grow and grow." "Until it becomes a giant who catches the little boy and eats him, raw." "So I just walked up to him and said," ""why not come to dinner one night, with Mrs. Moucheboum?"" " What did he say?" " "Excellent idea."" " "I'll tell my wife." "It's a date !"" " I'm so happy, dear !" "Tell me, what type of woman is Mrs. Moucheboume?" "No idea." "'Boss' wife' type, I guess." "I mean, is she sophisticated or...?" "I couldn't say." "I never met her." "Don't worry, there's no problem." "It worries me a bit." "When he's here everything has to be perfect." "What about Nicolas?" "What'll we do with him?" " Will we keep him with us?" " No." "Out of the question." " He's too fidgety." " Oh my God..." "I feel weird about it." "Here." "Nicolas..." "You're not eating?" "Keep up your strength." "Hmm?" "How about a walk in the woods next weekend?" "You need to do like Agnan -- suck up." "Right, buy your mother a nice present." "Like a salami, or a nice ham." "That way, she'll think you're too cute to abandon, for sure." "No!" "you should buy her a ring." "That's what my father does." "It always works." "But I only have three francs." "Hello." " Can I help you children?" " I'd like some flowers for my mother, please." "How sweet !" "Your mother's lucky." "It's so she won't abandon him in the forest." " How much are those roses?" " Three francs." "Great, I'll take them !" "No." "Three francs 'each' rose." "Can you lend me some money?" "I'll give it back on allowance day." "Sorry, I just have enough for my snack." " And you?" " I'm broke." " Sure." "You just don't wanna." " So !" "It's my money..." " Cheapskate !" " Cheapskate, yourself !" "You're lucky I'm holding the flowers, or I'd slug you one !" " Calm down. children." " I'll hold them for you." "Don't touch me or you'll..." "Murderer!" "Your flower is very pretty, sweetheart." "Clotaire was right," "The Agnan tactic worked." "So, in the following days I did everything to please my mom." "I even agreed to wear my blue suit," "The one which makes me look like a dummy," "And go to tea at Mrs. Courteplaque's." "How cute he is !" "He insisted on coming." "A little kiss, dear." "Hmm?" "Marie-Edwige, there you are !" "That's Marie-Edwige." "She's very pretty but she's a girl, and girls are no fun." "Take Nicolas to your room to play." "What shall we play?" "We could play nurse." "We'll pretend it's wartime." "You're wounded and afraid" "And I'll heal you and save you despite the danger." "I'd rather play cards." "Ok." "What can you play?" "I can play 'war'." "I know a much better game." "Marie-Edwige's game was very complicated." "For example, she could look at my hand and exchange some cards." "But not me." "And the cards didn't have the same value as usual." "Sometimes a three could take a king." " But..." "what?" "There were penalties too." "Come on, giddy-up, horsey!" "And I always lost." " It's sticky." " Don't move!" "Later on, Marie-Edwige's girlfriends came over." "Hello!" "Then the fun really started." "But at one point..." "I thought I might have to change schools." "Goodbye, Nicolas." "Bye, Nicolas." "See you soon, Nicolas." "Goodbye, Nicolas." "Well, bye." "Goodbye, Marie-Edwige, I had a great time with you," "You're very pretty." "I hope to see you soon." "Actually, I think I said:" "I'm so proud of you, Nicolas." "Mom was very pleased." "But it wasn't enough." "Tomorrow, we'll go for a walk in the woods." "Nicolas." "What are you doing?" "Open." "Come on, open up now." "Open up!" "Very funny." "Come on, open it." "Open this car door at once!" "I don't believe it." "Open it, for goldarnit!" "Stop shouting, you'll scare him." "Nicolas, it's me, mom." "Open." "Come on, big guy, don't be silly." "How will we get back home if you don't open?" "Mom and dad spent the rest of the afternoon arguing." "I could tell that mom didn't want to abandon me," "But I knew dad would convince her in the end." "I know what we'll do." "We'll form a secret gang to help Nicolas." " What's a secret gang?" " A group of heroes who help people." "We'll call our gang "The Invincibles"." " We'll meet at the vacant lot." " Good idea." "We need a password." " "Invincible courage"!" " Yeah!" " Only those who know it can come in." " Yeah!" "Children, get in line!" "It's a note from my parents." "Pleeze excuze our sun hoo didn't doo his homework." "Who wrote this note?" "Papa." " Miss?" " Yes?" " If we can't see well, can we come closer ?" " Of course." "Sit down!" "Stand up." "Sit down." "Children," "I'm very pleased to announce that the Minister of Education will personally honor us with a visit to our establishment." "I'm counting on you to make his visit unforgettable." "I rely on your instructor to organize a performance... which, I'm sure will combine culture and pedagogy... and make a marvelous impression on our guest." "The idea of a performance did not appeal to our teacher." "In all fairness, she had tried to put on: a play..." "Come on!" "The zebras!" "Go on." "The zebra first, then the crocodile." "There, that's it." "Geoffroy!" "What on earth is that costume?" "Geoffroy..." "A parade..." "One, two!" "one, two!" "Half turn... to the right!" "What's this?" "Line up by twos!" "What kind of troop is this?" "By twos, I said!" "You're the shame of France." "You heard me, the shame of France!" "And even a choir..." "But it never worked out." "Sorry, there's nothing I can do for them." "It's just that..." "It might delay us in our program." "Well, have them recite a poem." "They've studied poetry, no?" "Yes." " "The Crow and The Fox"(La Fontaine)" " Perfect." "So, you, my young friend... recite "The Crow and The Fox"." "I don't know it by heart, sir." "I just remember a crow with Roquefort cheese in its beak." "No it was Camembert!" "He couldn't hold a Camembert in its beak!" "It's runny and it stinks!" ""Master Crow sat on a tree, Holding a ch..."" "That's enough!" "Calm down!" "Back to your drawings." "No." " Password." " Invincible courage." " Password." " Invincible courage." "Invincible courage." "Invincible courage." "Password." " Terrible courage?" " Password, or I can't let you in." "Funny courage?" "Terrific courage?" "First of all, we need a leader." " I propose myself." " Why you?" "I'm the best dressed." "The leader's always dressed better." "No, the leader's the strongest!" "The leader's the oldest!" "That's me." "No, Clotaire is oldest, he flunked nursery school." "If we're only going to fight, we didn't need to come here." "We could do that at school." "Hello?" "One moment, I'll see." "Sir?" " Yes?" " It's the ministry." " Your Legion of Honor award." " What a bore !" "Look in here." "Find a date for next month." "Yes, sir." " "I have not yet received..."" " Your shirts, Sir." "Thank you, old boy." "Put it there." "I also shined your shoes." "Where were we ?" ""I have not yet received an answer to last month's..."" "Did you hear me?" "I said I've changed my mind." "I don't want dinner with the Moucheboumes." " What?" "Why not?" " Because." "I don't have a dress, I don't have jewelry," "And I don't know how to drive a car." "Darling, what's got into you?" "I don't want to look like a nerd." "in front of Mrs. Moucheboume." "A nerd?" "What do you mean, nerd?" "You think Mrs Moucheboume asks her husband to drive her to the hairdresser?" "No !" "Think she takes the bus?" "No !" " So, she can drive." "I can't." " Makes sense." "You think Mrs Moucheboume only has her engagement dress to go out in?" "No !" "Me, yes !" "No, what about the almond green dress you bought for aunt Pelagia's 60th?" " I can't stand it." "I wear it all the time." " No, not all the time." "Often enough !" "You think her only topic of conversation is her house, her family?" "No !" " Mrs Moucheboume is modern..." " A woman of her time." "Brilliant, independent..." "How do you think she'll take to a mediocre middleclass housewife who knows nothing but how to cook." "Don't expect me to be humiliated all evening." "I'd rather call it off." "Very well." "I won't have it said that my wife was humiliated in front of anyone." "Tomorrow, we'll buy you a new dress at Galeries Lafayette!" " And jewels?" " And jewels." "And I can learn to drive?" " That too." " Oh, sweetheart!" "I wonder how much it would cost to build a wall here?" "Courage..." "In..." " Inv..." " Inflammable." "Ok, everyone will be the leader of his own gang, comprised of members of the whole gang." "For example," "Geoffroy is leader of his gang, in which is" "Himself, Rufus, Alceste and me." "Rufus leads his gang in which is Eudes, Clotaire and me." "Eudes is the leader of his gang, with Geoffroy, Rufus, me and Alceste." "And I'm the leader of my gang with all of you." "Do we agree?" "Do we agree?" "Yes." "So, now what do we do?" "I know!" "We'll clean up your house." "We'll all come over and clean to the core !" "Your parents will be so happy they'll have to keep you." "Be good sweety, I'm counting on you." "We'll be about two hours." "One and a half, if your mom has the knack." " Why do you say that?" " What?" ""One and a half if your mom has the knack."" "I don't know." "Two hours, an hour and a half, whatever." "You're insinuating something." " Don't start, ok?" " You started." " You assume I'm going to fail." " No, I don't." "Yes, you do." "Sorry but, you do." "We have two hours." "Straighten out." "Straight, straight !" "Stop shouting "straighten out"!" "You're flustering me !" " Straighten out!" " Oh !" "What ?" "Admit you were heading off the road." "When mom and dad got back I was awfully impatient for them to see how my friends and I had cleaned the house." "Ok, I'll pay for driving lessons." "I realized I'd never be able to convince them to keep me." "So I decided to leave home." "I packed everything I might need... and I left." "I wanted to go far away, like to China or Arcachon." "Mom and dad would be very sorry and they'd miss me." "But I'd only come back after a lot of years," "When I was captain of a warship" "And after I earned lots of money." "With my money, I'd take them to the movies and people would say:" ""look, it's Nicolas, with lots of money." ""he takes his mom and dad to the movies," ""even though they weren't nice to him."" "You chickened out." "No, I thought it over." "Nuance!" "I thought, it's not me who should leave." "I was here first." "The one who should split is the baby!" "So when it gets here..." "We'll get rid of it." "How?" "We could take it to the SPCA." "They only take animals, idiot!" "I know, we'll abandon it in the jungle to be raised by wolves." "Albert read me a story like that." "It was terrific !" "No, the jungle is too far." "We should hide it in a shack and raise it in secret." "We'll take turns feeding it." "I can only come on Thursdays." "Any other day I'm not allowed." "Me too, Thursdays." "Me too, except if I'm grounded." "Which is almost always." "We can leave food out for it." "My aunt leaves food for her cat, when she visits grandma." "You're crazy!" "Babies aren't cats, they can't feed themselves." "You have to take care of them." "I heard everything." "What did you hear, you dirty rat?" "(cockroach)" "You want to make Nicolas' baby disappear in a shack in the jungle" "And feed it cat food." "I'll tell the teacher" "And the principal, and you'll be in big trouble." "Unless..." "Unless what?" "Unless you let me propose my idea for the performance." "What's your idea?" "I've been thinking, guys." "We can't get rid of the baby ourselves." "The police will find out and we'll be in trouble." "The only solution is to have it kidnapped" "By a gangster." "A gangster?" "Where will we find a gangster?" "Sir!" "Come here!" "Come on, Sir!" "Come here." "Yes, you!" "Come here!" "... there it forms .., ...a delta called the Camargue." "Thank you, Agnan." "Now who can tell me what river flows through Paris?" "Clotaire." "Did you hear the question?" " What river flows through Paris?" " That's it." "What is the river's name?" "Well, Clotaire?" "It's..." " Clotaire." " Yes, Miss." "Didn't your parents take you on the riverboat ride?" " Yes, Miss." " What do riverboats sail on?" " On the Seine." "Go on now." ""Based on alliteration, syllable count," ""or accents, skaldic poetry," ""developed by the Icelander Snorri Sturf..."" "Oh!" "I can't say that one." " Then don't say it." " Help me review and no comments !" "Snorri Sturluson..." ""developed by the Icelander Snorri Sturluson" ""is above all a question of form, where the literal word" ""is substituted by periphrasis or metaphor."" " Good." "Another one." "On music." "No, darling, I doubt that Mrs. Moucheboume will want to discuss music" "After you tell her everything you know about 13th century Scandinavian poetry." "Don't kid yourself, she'll be delighted to meet a cultivated person who can hold a conversation while the men talk business." "Go on." "The Baroque style." ""from the Portuguese word 'barroco' which means irregularly shaped pearls"" "Hey guys!" "Look!" "Francis Leborgne !" "[ON THE LAM!" "]" "That's who we need." "Alright, fun's over!" "Jailbirds!" "Cossacks!" "Everyone line up by twos." "Move it." "Children," "Your teacher will be away for a few days." "A substitute, Miss Navarin, will teach you, instead." "Here she is." "Geography:" "The rivers of France..." "Sit down." "Sileeeeence!" "Very well." "So, today's lesson was to be on rivers." "I'll start by testing your knowledge of the subject." "But first, we must hang the map." "Who'll take care of that?" "Sit down!" "I'll decide who hangs the map." "You, back there." "What's your name?" "Clotaire, Miss." "You seem less unruly than the others." "Hang the map." "But, Miss..." "Sileeeeence!" "I see we have a little rebel." "You know what I do to rebels ?" "I break them !" "..." "Is that clear?" "You, recite your lesson on the Seine river." "The source of the Seine is the plateau du Langres in Burgundy," "It's 776 km long and flows into the English Channel." "Very good." "And you?" "Its main tributaries are the Aube," "Marne, Oise and Yonne." "Very good." "Now you, the comedian." "Yes, you - who loves to talk." "Do you have more to tell me about the Seine?" "When 'I' ask you to say something, nobody's home !" "In the corner !" "That'll teach you to be a clown." "What are you waiting for?" "He's not accustomed to it, Miss." "I'll show him how it's done." "Thank you, Hilaire." ""Gambert, Ganguin, Gangsain..."" " Nothing under 'gangster'." " Try Leborgne (One-eyed)." ""Francis Leborgne" I found it!" "Hello ?" " Francis Leborgne?" " Moment." "Francis !" "It's for you!" "Ask if he can take care of the new teacher too." " Yes ?" " Francis Leborgne?" "Yes, that's me." "I have a removal.(abduction)" "Removal?" "..." "Can't it be fixed on the spot?" "How do you mean "on the spot?"" "I'll handle it... .. on the spot." "Fix the problem" "No!" "We just want a removal, that's all." "That's all!" "At some point I'll have to get my hands inside it." " Hands inside ?" " Yeah, to dismantle the body." "I'll tell you up front... ..if I have to haul it away It's 500 francs minimum." "We'll call you back." " So, what did he say?" "Tell us!" "What did he say?" "He wants 500 francs to dismember the body." "I knew it." "They're all crooks, these gangsters !" "What about the new teacher?" "Oh my, these chocolates are old." "Don't touch this, honey." "They've gone bad, it's poison." "[Teachers' Lounge]" " Yes." " I have a gift for you, ma'am." "How nice." "Thank you." "A maid ?" "!" "So I don't need to leave the table and leave poor Mrs. Moucheboume in an awkward spot." "It'd be more chic, no ?" "For the menu, I was thinking:" "lobster mayonnaise." "OK with you?" "Lobster mayonnaise is so expensive!" "You know how much it costs?" "80 francs a kilo." "Listen..." "Keep the mayonnaise it's a good idea." "But for the rest, can't we keep things simple?" " You know, casual." " Casual" "I could make ham sandwiches to eat in front of the TV, if you like." "I spent the whole night thinking about" "How my friends and I could get 500 francs for the kidnapping." "But the next day at school," "Geoffroy brought funny looking gizmo." " How does it work?" " You got a coin?" "OK, you pick a number; 6 for example, and you put your coin on it." "I spin the wheel." "I throw the ball..." "And you lost." "That's how we'll get 500 francs." "We'll get adults to play and take all their money." "Wha... what are you up to?" "You're playing roulette!" "And for money, to boot!" "Haven't your parents told you gambling is an abomination that leads to ruin and prison?" "Give me that." "I'm confiscating this ridiculous nasty game !" "And I don't approve of your parents buying you such things." "Now, everyone line up for class." "Children," "I have some bad news for you." "Your substitute, Miss Navarin, has fallen suddenly ill." "She won't be here today." "[BOY KILLS TEACHER]" "The jury finds the defendant..." "guilty!" "And besides, he's a dirty rat. (cockroach)" "Agnan, what's wrong?" "You can't hit me, I wear glasses." "So, as I was saying," "Miss Navarin caught a cold and has to stay home." "So, you will be good and stay in your classroom." "Under the supervision of one of your classmates." "I need a student I can trust." "Alright, we need to do some math." "Open your books and we'll do some exercices." "Are you nuts?" "Be quiet!" "I'm in charge!" "You dirty rat fink." "Silence!" "Eudes, in the corner!" "I'll make you eat your math book." "No you can't, I wear glasses." "I'll make you eat them too!" " Geoffroy!" " What?" " We have to get the roulette." " Yeah, but how?" "[DEADH TO PROF...]" "Death to profs ?" "!" "I was going to write:" "'Death to profiteers'." "And I'm the queen of England." "Explain it to the principal." "Rarely in my career," "Have I had to put up with such blatant provocation." "I'm worried about you, my young friend." "What do you suggest, old Spud... er Mr. Dupont?" "I suggest writing 300 times:" ""I will not pollute, with disgraceful inscriptions, the walls of my scholastic establishment ...a place devoted to education and spiritual elevation in accordance with the values of the Republic."" "Up to "scholastic establishment" will do." "You won't leave before handing this in." "Understood, my young friend?" " This way, ladies and gents." " Place your bets!" "Try your luck." "One franc, sir." "Come on!" "You can win!" "A game, ma'am?" "Why not!" "If it'll make you children happy." "How much do I bet?" "Ten francs." "Oh!" "Ten francs." "Here you go." "Ten francs" "What number should I bet on?" "Anything you want." "The 4 for example." "Ok, let's try 4." "There." "The bet is on 4, let 'er roll." "I won!" "Haha !" "I won!" "That's all you've done in an hour?" "Where could she be ?" "Honey, can you tie this?" "It's me who's all tied up!" "I haven't eaten all day, stuck in the kitchen." "Wheat could she be doing ?" "Calm down, dear." "How can I, the Moucheboumes will be here any minute and there's no one to serve dinner." "Ah, there she is!" "Come round the back." "And toss this in the trash on your way." "Scoot !" "Hop to it!" "What's that?" "That's lobster mayonnaise." "It's not for little boys." "It's for grown ups." "You're getting good old ravioli with tomato sauce." "Mmm!" "I don't want ravioli, I want lobster." "Nicolas, that's enough!" "Where is that silly goose?" "Good evening, Mr. Moucheboume." "Good evening, madam." "My wife isn't here?" "She went on ahead while I parked the car." "And then... she disappeared!" "Ah, Mrs. Moucheboume, what a horrible misunderstanding." "I'm so confused." "Please, this way." "Right this way." "Nicolas, go say hello." "Good evening, Mr. Moucheboume." "Good evening, Mrs. Moucheboume." "So this is the famous Nicolas!" "So, did you like my top?" "Yes, but Dad won't let me play with it." "It hurts his ears." "Next time, I'll give you something else." "What would you like?" "Hey ?" "If you gave me 500 francs it would be really neat." "Nicolas!" "He's only a child." "Tell me, what would you do with 500 francs?" "..." "What ?" "I can only whisper it in your ear." "Ok, come here." "It's to hire a gangster to kidnap my little brother." "So my parents won't dump me." "Believe me, Nicolas, if you want lots of money," "You must work hard." "Very hard." "You'll thank me later." "If you gave it to me, I'd thank you right away." "Nicolas, back to the kitchen!" " Sorry." " He's only a child." "OK, I said hello." "Very good." "There you go." "Now it's time to eat." "Do you like Scandinavian literature, Mrs. Moucheboume?" "Personally I have a soft spot for 13th century skaldic poetry." "Their way of rejecting literal meaning and sustituting it with polyphrases or metaphors !" "I find it very, very interesting." "Very." "I mostly adore Snorsi Struffl..." "Snorki snuffn..." "Stor, Stork, Stnorfl..." "Speaking of which," "Did you know that the word "baroque" came from Portugal?" "Yes, from the town of Barroco..." "Mostly famous for its oysters." "Lully loved them." "Whence, the chocolates of the same name, incidentally." "Lully..." "Chocolate." "Let's sit at the table ?" "Sure." " Let me warn you, it's just casual." " Perfect." "I'm so tired of people who feel obliged to feed me lobster mayonnaise... every time they invite me to dinner." "Excuse me one second, please." "Voilà!" "We could sing in the street." "Or wash windshields at red lights." "Or keep the shopping change." "No." "We need a way to make lots of money, very fast." "Hang on, my father told me how he got rich." "One day, on the street, he found an apple, and he sold it for one franc." "And then?" "He bought two apples and sold them for 2 francs." "And then?" "His uncle died and he inherited..." "And then?" "Hey guys, the teacher's back!" "[WELCOME MR. MINISTER]" "Here they are." "I want you to be exemplary." "The first one who laughs will regret it for life." "Ok?" "Like that." "That's good." "That's good." "Sit down, children." "Sit." "How's this school year coming along?" "These children need to loosen up." "I'm going to ask you a riddle." "What..." "listen carefully..." "What is yellow," "Very small," "And goes crunch crunch ?" "A baby chick eating chips!" " What are you studying?" " Rivers." "Rivers..." "Let's test someone." "Of course." "Agnan, would you stand, please." "No, no." "Not you." "You, back there." "What is your name, my boy?" "Clotaire, sir." "Very well then." "Tell me, which river... runs through paris?" "I'm listening... the river ?" "that runs through paris?" "Didn't your parents take you on a riverboat ride?" "[NO SWIMMING IN THE SEINE]" "The Seine?" "Bravo, Clotaire!" "Was it that hard?" "Oh, yes !" "How are the negotiations going?" " I think we should stand firm." " But we ..." " What's the timeframe?" " Ten days, minimum." "I think that..." "Keep me informed of any developments, OK ?" " Hello?" " Hi, it's me." "Did Mr. Moucheboume say anything about the dinner?" "I know how we'll earn the money!" "..." "Look !" "Hey guys, interested in becoming invincible ?" "What are you talking about?" "Come to the vacant lot and you'll see." "Yeah, so ?" "We found the formula of the magic potion." "Drink that and you'll be as strong as anything !" "It costs five francs." "Oh, yeah ?" "How do we know it works?" "You there." "Come here." "Now, try to lift that." "Next!" "paid." "Paid." "We won't have enough." "Don't worry, Rufus went to make more." "Three and four..." "And five make... 530 francs!" "Hey, you!" "Bunch of scoundrels!" "Look what you did to my boy!" "I want to see your parents!" "You little brats!" "Run, we'll catch them." "You won't get away!" "I'll get you!" "Come here!" "Come back here!" "We have the money for the 'removal'." "Ok, where's the car?" "We'll call you back." "He wants a car, now !" "We'll never see the end of it." "What flavor, sir?" "Pardon?" "Chocolate-strawberry." "Very well, sir." "Start it, the guys are waiting at the phone booth." "What?" "I don't know how to drive." "You have to turn the key." "He took it with him." "We'll have to hot-wire it." "I saw it in a film." "Keep a look-out." "You, help me." "(What's happening?" ")" "Chocolate-strawberry." "(Move aside!" ")" "(Move aside!" ")" "City driving: pass." "Reversing, breaking: pass." "Let's see if you can parallel park." "Drive over there." "Yes." "Wha?" ".. follow them!" " But..." " FOLLOW THEM !" "I said, follow them!" "(Out of my way!" ")" "(Out of my way!" ")" "Faster!" "I'll have his license revoked!" "(Out of my way!" ")" "(Out of my way!" ")" "Pass them!" "I need men I can trust in this company." "You know, I'm not immortal." "One of these days I'll need to think about who'll succeed me." "Watch out!" "I say !" "..." "Good thing you were there." "Tell me, old man, what's your opinion of the Patemouille deal?" "I think we should accept their offer." "I think..." "You're right, you handle the deal." " But..." " Shut up !" "Not you." "Well, er, parallel parking: pass." "Thank you." "The hot-wire thing will never work." "Now, what do we do ?" "I don't know." "Hey !" "How did we get here?" "Hello?" "I'd like to speak to Francis Leborgne, please." "Ok, I'll hold." "Hey look, it's Joachim!" "Hi guys." "So you didn't disappear, then!" "No, I just caught the chickenpox." "This is my little brother." "See how cute he is?" "Don't touch!" "You'll give him germs." "Babies are fragile." "Did you hear?" "He said my name." "I thought you didn't like him." "No, that was before !" "Before what?" "Before I knew how great it is being a big brother." "'Cause I can teach him lots of stuff." "Like soccer and riding a bike." "My parents will always set me as an example." "They'll say: "at your age Joachim could already do that."" "And he'll be really impressed" "And I can boss him around and he'll do everything I say." "Ok, bye guys." "Yes ?" "Hello ?" "I never want to drive a car again as long as I live." "But dear..." "Never, ever." "So there !" "Mom!" "Dad!" "Thank you, I'm so happy." " About what?" " Having a little brother!" "What do you mean ?" "What brother ?" "My little brother..." "The baby mom's going to have." "You're not getting a little brother Nicolas." "Whatever gave you that idea?" "But..." "I'd like a little brother." "Little brothers are terrific." "Why won't you get me a little brother ?" "You never wanna do stuff I like !" "That night, after dinner, I could hear" "Mom and Dad as they kept on laughing in their bedroom." "And one day, when I came home from school," "They had some good news to tell me." "The baby took a long time coming." "I don't know how many days, but it was longer than waiting for Christmas." " The day after tomorrow?" " Not yet." "Life resumed its course." "Geoffroy was punished by his dad for the stunt with the car." "Now he comes to school on foot." "I saw Marie-Edwige and she invited me to her birthday." "It's on Thurday." "Alright ?" "Thursday?" "I'll have to see." "I got lots of stuff to do, but maybe I can free it up" "Oh alright, it was more like:" ""Aah.." "Euh..."" "Then we got another new neighbor." "What's your problem?" "He and Dad started to tease each other right away." " Just try it !" " You don't scare me !" "Neither do you !" "Go back home !" "I continued to wait." " Tomorrow?" " No, but soon." "I was eager for my little brother to get here so I could start teaching him stuff." "Good!" "Look!" "Then one morning," "We all went to the hospital..." "My little brother finally arrived." "It's a girl." "What?" "Go on, shoot!" "Shoot, go on!" "Look!" "Isn't she cute !" "A real little angel !" "She has her father's face." "Her nose is the spitting image of her mother's." "Sorry, not the jaw." "So Nicolas, how do you like your sister?" "Honestly, I can't say." "We'll see when she's finished." "She doesn't have any teeth or hair yet." "She's cute anyhow." "Cute ?" "!" "She's all red and wrinkled," "Like a pickled pepper !" "Her huge eyes just stare into space she makes spit bubbles with her mouth." "Everyone says she smiles, but they must be kidding." "All she can do is drool." "I wanted a brother." "But at the hospital, Mom took that instead." "I don't know why." "She has rolls of fat all over," "I saw her naked." "You'd think she has four buttocks." "If I'd known, I'd have asked for a puppy." "It's strange, but at that moment, I thought about the composition topic our teacher gave us." "Because now I know." "What I want to do when I grow up" "Is to make people laugh." "Look at me!" "Look at me!" "Subtitles:" "Translated by AsifAkheir"