"St Nicholas, welcome to Amsterdam." "The salute has sounded." "You are back." "The December 5th feast can commence." "Hello children!" "I can see you, little boy." "Hello, hi girl..." "Hello little boy..." "I can see you." "Hello boy, I can see you... I can see you, little boy." "Hello children, all of you." "I'm a moped courier." "I ride my moped all day." "I'm outside all day." "It's cold out there." "But I prefer working outside to working inside." "It's so boring indoors." "I like riding, no boss looking over your shoulder." "I'm careful with my moped." "If I burn it or don't look after it then in the end it gets so burned out that I suffer." "It gets so slow and I'm in a bad mood." "I'm careful with my moped." "But I'm less happy with it than 4 or 5 years ago." "I'm getting tired of it." "Left, left... lt hurts, is that normal?" " l have to press hard to see." "There's the head." "A nice cross-section of the bladder." "This shows up black because the bladder is full of liquid." "Up a bit towards..." "Here's the heart beating." "Let's have a look..." "This is the liver, under the heart. lt's grey." "It's miraculous, how a baby is formed..." "expecting!" "HURRAH!" "I MADE it inside!" "Ayni, nice water..." "Don't cry." "He says "no"." "He's so calm." "Watch out!" "Don't let him swallow any water!" "Roberto, he mustn't swallow water." "Don't cry..." "Water's healthy." "You'll grow fast." "Then you'll be bigger than Dad and Mum." "With "fladder"?" "Happy Christmas..." "Move on, there!" "Get lost!" "They're making a film." "Happy Christmas." " And to you." "At ten this morning a missile attack was launched on Grozny by the Russian air force." "Tonight at midnight, the ultimatum to Dudayev ends and the bombardment will resume." "People fled from Grozny to Ingushetia and Dagestan." "is your youngest brother in Grozny?" "lmaly." "What is he doing now?" "He's fighting against the Russians." "Does he have a family?" "A daughter of 8 months." "His wife and his mother, are they there too?" "You don't know how your brother is?" "He is fighting with other volunteers." "Everyone who can hold a rifle." "Dudayev knows they will kill everyone." "The Chechens don't want to be slaves of Russia." "That male pride!" "I'm a man, not a slave." "Dudayev has to surrender first." "Dudayev means nothing." "No one listens to him." "No one wants an agreement with him." "He is a leader, isn't he?" "What leader?" "Chechnya has as many presidents as people." "What they show on TV means nothing." "They just go on killing." "I don't attack Moscow with a tank, do I?" "!" "They are in my land, mine and my parents'." "Maybe Yeltsin will take Chechnya for three days." "We'll take it back on the fourth." "They'll never make it!" "Everyone will see the situation." "Very bad, I think." "You can go to Moldova in a couple of hours." "It will be terrible." "Try to call Grozny." "They continue the bombardments." "I'll call her later." "Bye!" "It's so cold, even a polar bear's ass would freeze to the saddle!" "That's nice too." "It's called "Young Life"." "It's the very latest in Ghana." "A special name!" "This cloth is called:" ""Live my life for me"." ""Live my life for me", that's too much." "The men already live our lives for us." "We can live our own." "We know what to do." "That white one, up there." "Nice too." "What's it called?" "It has no name." "Nigerian design." "Also in fashion." "This is very lively." "It's half a piece already." "A lively design." "In Europe you can also wear it to go out." "And that one?" "It's called: "lf you want to talk about me sit down first"." "Delightful..." "Which is most beautiful?" "I would take that one." "Lively... I'll take that one." "Next time the other one." "It's lovely if you lay them on top of each other." "Nice..." "This lights up, lovely." "When I was 1 5, my parents returned to Morocco." "They have lived here a long time about 25 years." "I went with them and lived there for 2 years." "I was called up for the last 2 months." "First 2 weeks in Agadir then in the south of Morocco in the Sahara." "I was really pissed off there." "It wasn't so much the army... I just didn't want to be there." "I wanted to come back to Amsterdam." "That's what I really wanted." "I moaned at my father so much that he brought me back." "Here I had to get new papers, etc." "I needed work and heard commercials on the radio." "Domino's Pizza!" "Domino's Pizza!" "I decided to apply." "I had to work, so I went along." "I could start next day." "But I couldn't ride a moped and didn't know the city." "I said I had worked for a pizzeria and could change gear." "I was given a pizza and moped." "It was terrible, trying to set off." "It kept rearing." "I did it all wrong." "I started to get it, but I wasn't very quick." "I got in trouble at first." ""This isn't good enough."" "Then you start to ride better." "I work 1 1 hours a day." "It's a lot." "I work for European Couriers." "It's another company." "We pick up rolls of film and take them to S'Color to be developed." "That's a professional lab." "You regularly visit studios." "You talk to some photographers." "Some are nice people." "Some are bad tempered." "You give them the package and leave." "We love speed manoeuvring the open road, riding fast." "It's great." "You go fastest with a tail wind." "Trying to improve your record." "That's nice." "Most kids like that." "Just what he does." "He hangs from poles climbs trees, does funny things." "I don't know." "It's cute." "I went to a home when I was 9." "Then I was in the class for slow learners." "I left with my parents and didn't finish school." "It was a special school with small classes and a relaxed atmosphere." "The other school stressed me." "The new school paid more attention to learning." "It was more relaxed." "Then I had to go to Morocco." "I have a nervous illness:" "Gilles de la Tourette." "I used to get stressed." "I couldn't cope." "I can cope now and have less problems." "I can even suppress my nervous ticks." "They thought it was pretty weird." "When I went into the home I was first given medicine." "But it didn't work." "It just knocked me out." "In the children's home it was like this." "There were kids from all over Holland." "Lots of kids lived there." "If you leave and go home it's hard to keep in touch." "I heard about a small kid, half-blood he's now a kickboxing champion in Haarlem." "The little kid used to be bullied." "Now he's a kickboxer, that's nice." "Some kids did worse." "Some are in jail." "Some are on drugs." "That's bad news." "But it doesn't do much to you." "It's so long ago, you forget." "You worry about the future." "The past is over." "Come on, Laurie." "It's awful." "I've known Laurie for ages." "He's much older than me." "We've known each other for 0 years." "René Hermans comes from The Hague." "He fell into Amsterdam hands." "He came here for bridge drives." "Then he met a woman player and married her." "René's here every night." "Jan Colijn is less clear, he only came here later." "I've been coming for 20 years." "A union man... I used to run a liquor store." "I had a bar, a café and a coffee shop." "Now I teach bridge." "Shit a brick!" "Miriam is a factotum." " You can talk!" "How long have you been coming?" "You're part of the furniture." "I fancy a drink." "A long or short split?" "Too short doesn't look nice." "I have a large size." "Women in Amsterdam have broad hips." "Everyone has broad hips." "Can you remember it all?" "Good morning." "Borz-Ali speaking." "...as soon as the Chechen president finished speaking Russian shells again fell..." "That's my youngest brother." "There he is." "With the beret, that one." "He's been killed." "Good morning!" "How are you?" " Just great." "I was at the hospital." "It was scary." "Everything's fine." "I have never seen that." "It was the first time." "It's all new." "Now I have him." "We don't have hospital checks in Bolivia." "Awoman gets a baby spontaneously there." "We don't have "pregnancy classes"." "It may be different in the city, but in my village the people don't have any money." "I went to the city when I was 1 4." "My aunt lived in La Paz and she was a base for me when I went." "I worked during the day and went to school at night." "My aunt died suddenly." "I didn't want to stay there then." "I went to Argentina, all of Latin America for ten years." "Then I came to Holland and met my wife." "My family thought I was dead and held a mass for me." "I hadn't been in touch." "There's no mail or telephone." "My village is an Aymara community." "I live in the Bijlmer." "It's well known in Holland especially to the Dutch." "They don't usually want to come." "There are some advantages." "There are many nationalities." "There's warmth." "Sometimes I'm afraid here." "I have been mugged." "I see lots of junkies." "I live in Holland." "Sometimes I think:" "it's all great." "Sometimes it's hard to accept." "Sometimes at home I see the simplest things." "In the kitchen there's hot and cold water." "Then I sometimes think:" "what am I doing here?" "I am proud, yet sometimes I feel bad." "I try to keep what my parents taught me in my heart." "Sometimes I make music, concerts or in a bar or community centre." "I have a group called "Yetianya"." "It's an Aymara word for communication." "We play in different seasons dances for the potato or maize harvest." "We have to play then." "My baby is called Ayni." "That is an Aymara word for helping your neighbours, for instance building a house." "That is "Ayni"." "You do that one day, and they help you the next." "We live closer together." "Children look after the elderly." "I miss that here." "I have little contact with the neighbours." "I can't help it." "I do my best." "It's hard." "Roberto is sweet, calm, serious." "He is very sensitive." "He's different from Dutch people." "He is still involved with his family even though it's so far." "He thinks about it every day." "Simple things are lacking in Bolivia, for instance, drinking water." "There is no electricity." "But people are friendly and hospitable." "Even if they have little." "Elder brothers and sisters, we come together today." "Why do we do that?" "Some young people will say:" "Why did he come?" "I remember today that I was born in this area." "In Chipu, like my mother." "We are in danger of forgetting our forefathers." "We don't know how to write our language." "But we talk." "Brothers, the young people often don't want to make music." "They want to play trumpet music." "Our colourful clothes and our dances disappear." "It's up to us whether music disappears." "We have to work together as we once did." "Otherwise our name will be lost." "Greetings, friends, all together!" "You may wonder:" "Who is this man, is he a gringo?" "He is a son of Sebastian Calizaya from Chipu." "He is back in his birthplace back among his people and that's why he brought this prize." "He brought something for each school." "For everyone, good or bad." "Secondary school, 1 10 pupils." "110 pens and exercise books." "For each pupil forty sheets." "The education chief of Copusquia!" "This is for the primary school, brother. 120 items of each." "This is for all classes in the primary school." "Dear Mum, tell me what was it like with me?" "Let's go back in time." "You always wanted to go to school, to learn!" "Maybe we didn't take enough notice and that's why you left." "I cried every day." ""How will he get on?"" ""Maybe he is going hungry on the street."" "You took a calabash and left." "You took the calabash to Molimpata." "With the money you got for it, you left." "You took two calabashes from Grandma, to sell them." "And you left." "You were far away and went even further." "And I cried terribly." "I felt very bad." "If you had had a wife around here you might have stayed." "You are a long way away." "You have any idea how I live?" "You live with Aletta." "You introduced me to Aletta." "You told me you have a son." "But they are not here." "That is true, Mum." "I have had many children." "Six girls and six boys." "There were twelve of us." "That many. I wanted my husband to work on the land for my children too..." "But he doesn't." "Your father hates me." "I harvest the potatoes and pluck the fruit." "How many are still alive, Mum?" " Eight..." "Eight still live..." "What's it like when someone falls ill without medicine?" "Sometimes I think your father won't be around when I am buried." "We are enemies yet married nevertheless." "Mummy tell me:" "is there much work for a woman?" "It is very difficult." "Sometimes I fetch wood so I can cook." "My children, I fight for their lives." "You had children by my father, but he doesn't help you." "I am always hurrying to finish the work." "I carried children on my back." "I breast fed them. I was so busy." "When I was pregnant, I fought." "It is difficult." "Mummy, I live far away, but my heart is with you." "I cry because you are so far away." "Now you are here and my heart is at peace. lt is good." "Only Aletta is not here." "Aletta did not come." "That's how it is, Mum." "We love you a lot." "Thank you." "Keep them separate." "A little apart." "Tomorrow is another feast day." "Then we'll drink!" "Let's focus..." "Lovely!" "Beautiful!" "Stay like that." "Turn your nose that way." "Back a bit." "Nose up a bit." "Lovely..." "Get rid of the jacket." "Down a bit more..." "Bare shoulder, yes." "Nose down, lovely." "That's fine." "Focus, okay..." "Now look in the lens." "Make your eyes bigger." "Look at me..." "Fine." "One, two..." "Try to look very intense." "Your nose..." "Don't think of the camera." "Think of the person looking at the photo later." "You seem to be looking at the camera and I want you to look through it at the people." "Look in the lens, again." "Slightly straighter, don't dive in." "Straighten from your lower back." "Stay like that." "Lovely." "Here it comes." "One, two, three..." "Relax and close your eyes." "Lovely!" "One more time." "1 , 2, ." "Resting." "No, resting!" "No, from your lower back." "Only your eyes are resting." "Can Piek straighten your head?" "Straighten his head." "Nose down." "Let Piek's hands direct you." "That's fine." "Here it comes." "Eyes relaxed." "Close your eyes." "Fine." "Nose up..." "Lovely..." "Relax your eyes... I think this is a nice one." "Look at me." "Mustn't move." "I'm a statue." "That was it." "We watch the clouds racing past." "You have to make a decision." "Holland would be lovely:" "covered over." "Thank you." "Thank you." "I say what he thinks." "He thinks what I say." "It would be a great relationship, if he were a chick I'd give him a French kiss." "Forget it..." "Which line should be first?" "A "beacon" line?" "And then?" "A "to" line." "What kind of word is this?" "This is a "tree" character." "What does "Mok" mean in Dutch?" ""Block"." " Not block, but "wood"." "Who'll write me a tree character?" "Go on." "Just tell me:" "Mok." "Who will write something?" "Who else?" "I think we'll have the poor-man's pot: onions with dripping and vinegar." " Delicious, with sausage." "Are you going to the caravan?" " On Friday." "I have to sing on Friday night in a beach café, the Copacabana." "Then I'll stay the weekend." "Lovely." " Yesterday too." "Then you'll go home." "Where are you going?" " Lagos." "It's really among the Portuguese." "The other places are so touristy." "Nice there, all the villages." " There's a Dutch bar too." "Who's going with you?" " The bird and the guy are coming." "I always asked my son and his wife too." "What time do you close?" " Five p.m." "I have to go up two flights." "I'll go shopping first and fetch it later." "I'll put it in the doorway otherwise." " l don't have a doorway." "This doorway." " Among all the junkies!" "You'll get nice and high." "With French bread it's a meal." "Have a nice weekend." "Bye." "It's not lobster, but langouste." "What can I say about the kids?" "We meet every day by the Rijksmuseum." "You can see at once, even if you're never been there that the couriers and skaters stay apart." "Those guys have their team." "They're school-kids who meet by the skating pipe." "If you stand by the half-pipe, they look down their noses." "I was there first." "They're newbies." "You hear the music they play..." "Not my kind of music." "I prefer house music." "Nice and loud!" "Real choppy." "There's a big difference between a skater and most couriers I know." "Some soft drugs?" "Only hard drugs..." "Give the boy a ciggy." "I'm tripping, really stoned." "Watch out with the hot weather." "Lanky!" "Lanky!" "Wim!" "Hey Wim, good luck!" "Keep your head up in jail!" "Look at that." "What if you need to pee?" "!" "Can I have more coffee?" "I've been coming since '7 1 ." "I learned to play cards here." "Members of the Dutch bridge team learned here." "Sometimes we started in the morning, and played till midnight then we carried on in the night shift." "And always for money." "That's the way to learn:" "the hard way." "People still play for money." "High rates for backgammon... I'm not happy about that." "Well..." "I've known Robbie for years." "Robbie was good at chess, a difficult man." "He could be very moody." "But also very friendly." "It's a pity." "Robbie was a good player." "He was better than Jan Timman." "The Great Dutch hope." "He was an international master, but rested on his laurels." "Nothing at all!" "Nothing!" "Nothing!" "Just listen to me." "They think they know better..." "Never again!" "Never!" "Once gone, gone for ever, amen." "My wife thought she knew how things were." "Just listen to me." "I have a brush to paint beautifully." "That's right!" "Freedom of photography, the press and freedom of law and freedom..." "Good morning..." "You have a cigarette for me?" "...bombed targets in Northern Iraq Kurdish Workers' Party..." "The US pressured Turkey..." "Greenpeace..." "How, how, how?" "Who knows?" "The walls came in on me." "I took to the street." "That's it." "That's how." "What's it like being filmed?" "It doesn't interest me." "It sounds a little boorish." "But when I was a boy, I loved having my picture taken." "But now I don't care." "People sometimes ask me if they can film or photograph me." "I always say:" "don't ask, just do it." "Freedom of photography, of the press and of law..." "You think that's important?" "I learnt it at primary school and think it's important." "That you can say what you like." "I saw a book this week:" ""ln Praise of Simplicity"." "That's best:" "nice and simple." "Life is really very simple." "You think so?" " ln theory." "It's simple and easy to make friends." "It may be a little complex but is simple in the end." "Who knows." "You have friends?" "Acquaintances, yes." "People ask if you have friends." ""Friends."" "Difficult question." "One calls it friendship another a good acquaintance." "You could call it friendship." "But also acquaintanceship." "I'll have been here 5 years on July 2nd." "I know if you frequent an area for more than 4 years then things are pretty correct." "The first 1 5 minutes is always hard." "The idea of getting up barefoot... I have to go barefoot." "I don't know why, but I have to." "Some things in life you have to do." "Then I walk over the twigs and grass and almost shake with misery." "I walk for 15 minutes then go to the toilet." "Where does one relieve oneself?" "On the toilet." "I made my own public toilet to relieve myself when no one's around, because it stinks." "But when I wore shoes I always had foot trouble." "Going without shoes could cause irritations but once you get over that, you walk like a lapwing." "Wait for me, I'm on my way." "I was born in the mountains." "You have wonderful sunsets there." "From a young age my relationship with my parents lacked something." "After the great deportation by Stalin and the oppression they kept their feelings to themselves." "My father never spoke about it." "He usually just smiled to himself." "During the deportation of the Chechen people he was 1 7." "He was young and strong but only lived to 42." "He lost sisters and brothers in exile." "Our grandfather and also our great grandfather were killed." "He kept thinking of that." "In Europe it was Hitler, in Russia it was Stalin." "The culprits were Russians." "0-40 years after the deportation relations were restored between Chechens and Russians." "We have reconstructed the pyramid." "But now everything is breaking again." "It takes 40-50 years before feeling returns to normal among the Chechens." "It is our tradition that at an early age you have to follow the school of life." "It's like this:" "When boys are 1 4, they come together they are given food for three days and then for six months they have to find their own food." "They are united and strong." "They have to learn to survive in the mountain without help." "You understand?" "The song..." "If you awaken with the song of the river you work outside, the sun comes up, you hear the nightingales sing and the mountain streams..." "When you open yourself to it you feel part of the whole orchestra of nature." "I was in the army in East Germany." "Imagine: after 1 8 years in the mountains, I came to Europe." "A city, wide streets, cars, tall buildings, all strange." "Russian was a foreign language, because we spoke Chechen." "After a while, I went to Moscow to work for. a special organisation, that protected important people in government at universities and from the business world." "When I went to work there I was 22 and attended a special secret service school." "You had special application forms on which it said:" "...do you have contacts with people from the Caucasus?" "I thought:" "I come from there, so I have no contacts with them I am one of them!" "I didn't think about it." "I just filled in yes." "Only later did I understand." "So after that, in 1988, I left there." "Friends said: "Borz-Ali, everyone is in business." ""lt's Perestroika." l thought:" "I can analyse the situation, the people, their feelings." "I don't know any more." "They said: don't worry, we aren't professionals either." "They helped me and gave me credits." "And I did business with Sweden, Italy, Germany, Holland." "And then in 1990, I came to live here." "In Holland I have made many proposals for projects in Satari, Komi, Tumenia." "That takes investment." "That's how my cooperation with Dutch companies started." "That is what we are now working on." "I hadn't expected this outcome of the Chechen tragedy." "I hoped they would find more humane solutions." "The attitude of the Chechen people is: this is our last battle." "A boundary has been breached, the psyche is poisoned." "200 years of warfare, Stalin's oppression it has all returned." "There is no difference between a Chechen and Russian mother." "If her son dies, she sheds the same tears." "Understand?" "If Russian tears were a different colour and another sky was above that Russian mother..." "But there is one sky and tears are the same colour." "One day they will find the strength to stop this insanity." "I am not the only one to have lost a brother or sister or whose house has been destroyed." "But I think there are enough people in Russia with authority because everything is organised for a small group of people." "They won't be able to take advantage of the situation and hide their devilish face." "Many soldiers, old people, women, children, have been killed." "Grozny has become a Stalingrad." "Those who do not protest have no right to the future history." "Life is not always easy with such a man." "He is not ordinary." "But as a result, life is not boring and ordinary." "You never know what will happen next." "I think that's why we are together." "He's a deep-feeling person." "We have crossed the border." "We are home." "They destroyed everything." "This is all that's left of Grozny." "It's terrible." "This was a lovely shopping centre." "Can we pass?" "We want to open an office for the Dutch aid committee." "We have a concrete programme to help sick and wounded children." "Sick and traumatised children." "If a child is wounded in a family..." "Only from Grozny?" "It's for all Chechnya." "Then we have to make a list for each district with concrete cases." "Indeed." "You have contacts with the villages?" "The villages..." "That is a problem." "If there are sick children, we want to see them." "You want to do that now?" "We have to get down to work." "You can't help with weapons." "You live there?" "Yes, I live in Holland." "Away with the Russian Fascists." "Allah is great!" "Allah is great!" "Thanks." "Have a good trip." "Everything is ruined." "On both sides." "Come in peace." "How are you, lads?" "I didn't know there were so many people still here." "Hey, Borz-Ali!" "Uncle, how are you?" "How are you doing, Borz-Ali?" "Long time no see." "Sit down, sit down." "Sit down!" "Sit!" "How do you feel?" "Fine." "Why didn't you come before?" "I couldn't." "We need sons like you." "Your parents may be proud of you." "We need you too." "How are you?" "It depends on God." "I passed and thought, I'll drop in on them." "Very good." "They're taking your picture." "Then I need a higher chair." "It's only a picture." "He's over 100." "He'll live to 120." "Now he's 110." "Very well, uncle." "I'm going home." "They want money for the picture?" "I have money." "They just want your picture." "Fine." "Live with God." "We are just sitting here." "It's awful." "We expected you." "We are trapped." "We can even be killed at home." "My house is ruined." "We don't sleep at night." "They punish us like no one before." "God will help us, it'll be all right." "We heard my brother had died." "In a war people find themselves in bombardments and in the crossfire." "But later we heard he was wounded and survived." "When we thought we'd never see him again he turned out to be recovering." "Then he took up arms again." "In my mother's life she lived through the deportations." "We lost hundreds of thousands of people." "Stalin decreed that we should have no land that we would be outlawed." "Now Yeltsin has destroyed our towns and villages." "Yes, my mother hasn't seen anything good in all her life." "And no more good things will come for her." "What will happen to her children?" "If only they could be freed of this perpetual fear." "Your donation for the Queen." "A donation for the Royal House." "Hey, Beatrix!" "Watch out what you're doing." "Fuck off, bastard!" "Chips with mayo and one at war..." "Two kebabs at war..." "What's "at war"?" " Peanut sauce and mayo." "Have a nice day." "Here you are." "Thanks, bye!" "A gram of hash, please." "Danny Blind is staying with Ajax." "Evening..." "Skunk for 12.50 please." "That's nice... ls it good skunk?" "I have two kinds..." "This is 12.50 and this is 1 4." "Give me the 12.50." "This one?" " Okay." "As long as it's free of tree trunks." "No tree trunks..." "There you are..." "Thanks." "That's 12.50." "Mazel tov!" "Keys, coins and metal on the shelf." "We have a metal detector." "Ladies: metal on the shelf." "I went to see, but couldn't find you." "I was by the cloakroom." "Open your bag... look around you" "you call this life?" "if there is no hope for me for me, for you, for us" "society has given up on me" "UNHCR" "UNHCR" "UNPROFOR" "UNPROFOR" "Mummy..." "Mummy... lt won't take long, darling." "Why did they take your picture?" "Because I'm big." "You don't have to." "I want my picture taken too." "It's all right, darling." "Come down now." "Why did they take your picture?" "I want one too." "They may call us back for more pictures." "Come down yourself." "I have dirty hands." "Focus on the hands." "Here it comes!" "With the sun..." "The face is sharp." " Not here." "Maybe we stood further forward." "Smile next time..." "You were more sideways, Monica." "Okay, heads together." "Courier!" "Good afternoon." "That's good." "Leave it inside, please." "Thanks." "I met your Dad when I was 2 or 24." "And when I was 5 months pregnant we got married." "You were already taking singing lessons." "Singing was in your upbringing?" "My parents could sing beautifully." "They sang in choirs." "My sisters could sing too." "I was the one to carry on and we often gave chamber concerts." "Then my song teacher said "Sing Telemann" then I did it." "It was scary." "Then you moved on from Telemann to Kurt Weill." "You put your talents at the service of the "working class"... I came out of that class." "My parents were working class active in the Party and union." "I grew up with it." "Your parents were badly off?" " They were very poor." "Did your father work on the market?" " No, my father only completed primary school." "No profession." "He did odd jobs." "He did anything to earn money." "I joined the Jan Lemaire theatre group." "We played a piece "Spain Lives" during the Civil War." "You had to emphasise it!" "When young Jan Lemaire asked me to sing from the Threepenny Opera I didn't dare tell my song teacher I was going to sing Barbara's Song and Pirate Jenny." "In 1940, when war broke out, you couldn't sing political songs." "You kept singing, even during the Occupation." "In the Jewish Operetta." "In Desmet Theatre." "That was a Jewish quarter." "There were two theatres The Holland Playhouse and Desmet where operettas by Jewish composers were performed." "The Germans only let us perform Jewish works." "And only Jews were allowed to watch." "I don't know how long that went on." "We stopped because fewer people came." "They'd been arrested." "I don't remember this." "You didn't take bikes inside." "No bikes upstairs, of course?" " That was on the wall." ""No bikes and other..."" " Nor prams." "Hello, can we come back and look at your house?" "That's fine." "Go ahead." "Hello, I'm her son." "At which number did you live?" " 118." "That's the back part." "What?" "But I lived at 118." "They've renovated and combined two flats into one. lt's spacious." "So 118 doesn't exist?" " Not any more." "Was 118 a...?" " lt was at the back." "It must have been here." "I think we had windows." "I'm not sure." "There are only two here." "This was the living room and what was back there?" "Corridor or kitchen?" "I don't know." "I came after the renovation." "Wasn't the living room bigger?" " This was bigger." "Are these new?" "No, they must be old walls." "I can't really remember." "It's all changed now." "118 doesn't exist any more." "But here are three windows." "Would you like to sit down?" " Just an ordinary chair..." "Thank you." "You don't remember this house?" " Nothing." "I'm amazed you lived here." "You lived here too." " That we lived here." "How long did we live here?" " From... mobilisation..." "When the Germans invaded..." "I sound like a history book." "We got a flat, but I don't know when we came here." "We got this house." "That was the first flat when we were occupied." "With the message..." ""Take it for now." "We'll see." The misery came later." "We lived here until Dad was taken to the concentration camp." "Did you notice anything..." "We weren't aware of persecution." "Everyone was scared." "And then you noticed..." "Our friends were arrested." "My two brothers were deported and never came back." "That was less than a year after the occupation." "They did illegal work?" " They made illegal newspapers." "It wasn't yet involved with the Holocaust?" "It started when we couldn't take the tram." "The theatre was off limits and we could only buy in Jewish shops." "And when we had to wear the star..." "When was that?" " That was..." "You were about five." "Under five you didn't have a star." "Did I realise what that meant?" "To wear a star?" "." "No, of course not." "You loved the star." "The other boys didn't have one." "The first day you were proud." "They weren't allowed a star." " The local boys here?" "Kootje and Corrie lived upstairs." "You admired them, but with the star you felt one up." "Was I at infant school?" " Yes, you were." "More people were deported." "Was it a Jewish infant school?" "No, well..." "I'm not sure." "I don't think so." "One day the teacher stayed away." "You told us:" ""The teacher has 'Aryan'." As if it was a disease." "You didn't understand right." "She was deported as non-Aryan." "You said:" ""Our teacher has 'Aryan'."" "Dad still lived here." "Then he got a letter." "We told him not to go but he went." "He went to a work camp first." " Yes, in Hooghalen." "It was a gateway to the Westerbork camp." "He worked in the filthiest part, it paid best." "We could still write to each other." "Why did he go?" " To earn money to support his wife and child." "When did we go into hiding?" "That was some time after Dad went to Hooghalen." "Hiding started to become a well-known option." "People left and never came back." "I knew that... I knew you should hide, not go to Westerbork." "People in Hooghalen were taken to Westerbork and supposedly on to Eastern Europe." "I was warned by an Amsterdam policeman that we would be interned as soon as the men went from Hooghalen to Westerbork." "I had talked to my song teacher Truus de Wilde." "She knew an address if I needed it." "I could go there." "As soon as the policeman told me that Dad had gone to Westerbork and we knew what would happen, we had a suitcase ready." "...You could take it and go and leave the rest behind." "I took you to Grandma and Grandpa on Transvaal Quay." "I rode on the bike to Tiny Jongkind on Fahrenheit Canal and then went to Wieringen." "They took me." "From there I was in hiding for 1/2 years." "You went on to other addresses." "You said you shouldn't go to Westerbork..." "Women said I should go to my husband." "Others said I would be sent to Eastern Europe and killed." "Some women went, others didn't, like me." "I thought they'd get me anyway, but I wouldn't go voluntarily." "I won't escape alive, but I won't go meekly." "Lots of women did:" ""My husband is in Westerbork..." ""l'm going to him." ""l belong with him."" "They did a very good thing... ..and I didn't do it and don't know if I was right." "Sometimes it overwhelms me, even now." "Then I think:" ""Did I do..."" "Not "did I do the right thing" but I feel guilty for deserting him." "That's it." "I still feel that." "But I am so very happy to be alive and that you have a wife you love and such a warm family." "You are together, I can see that from a distance." "I am so happy to see that." "Then I think I was right to hide away." "Quite right, because if you hadn't we wouldn't have had this." " But I wouldn't have known either." "But in retrospect we should be happy to..." " But I am..." "But I also think of Dad pining away and killed..." "You couldn't have done anything." " l couldn't." "I understand that you worry but it's so obvious." "Otherwise we wouldn't be here." "Of course, you're right." "It is not that if you went things would have gone better." "It could only have been worse." "That is true." "I can imagine you feeling that way but the feeling is not justified." "I expect so." "It's just that when people die you want to make them feel that "they loved me" or "l always wanted that, wonderful" and they're gone. I couldn't give that to your father." "He didn't have it." "You couldn't have given it there either." " Maybe not." "Goodbye." " Yes, ma'am... I hope we didn't trouble you too much." "Not at all. I can imagine what you went through." "I had to leave my children in Surinam for 4 years when I came here." "I can imagine what it was like." " That's wonderful." "Maybe we'll meet again." "Wonderful!" "Incredible!" "Hello Adrie!" "After all those years." "English troops..." "...here in the South..." "We dug trenches here." "You'd forgotten the war... I don't know when the photo was taken." "It must have been soon after you came, in about July." " July '45." "Everyone is on it." " Yes, everyone." "You came in June." "I remember that." "I don't remember which day." "My first memory was that Aunt Saar came to fetch me from school." "She chatted to the teacher, and she said:" ""Your mother's here"." "And I sat on the back of her bike." "Then you were there." "You must have just arrived." " Yes, because..." "As I told you... I came by bike." "My bike was on a truck." "The soldiers gave me a lift from Amsterdam all around Holland and then down south." "I passed through all the provinces to get here." "It was the only way to get to Dutch Flanders." "I stayed the night in Goes and took the first boat to get here." "When I arrived here by bike I only knew your family name:" "Collot d'Escury." "I pronounced it wrong too." "I asked some kids who were playing..." ""Where does the Collot d'Escury family live?"" ""The Ladies!"" "I was almost here." "I went up the steps, now changed." "I pulled the bell "bim bam"." "The door opened a crack and I saw Anna's face." "She said:" ""Who can I say?"" ""Adrie's mother."" "She jumped inside and the two aunts came." "They dragged me inside." "Very unlike their reserved nature." "Your aunts had put that aside." " That had gone?" "They dragged me in onto a chair, Louis xvi, I think." "The three of us faced each other." "You don't know what to say." ""So you're Adrie's mother."" ""So this is where Adrie has been for years."" ""Did you have a good journey?"" ""Not bad." Anyway, nothing was said." "Then Aunt Saar said: "l'll fetch Adrie." l said "That would be nice"." "Aunt Saar jumped on her bike." "I waited with Aunt Yet." "We didn't talk." "We didn't know what to say." "Then Adrie came." "His front milk teeth were missing." "You looked lovely." "And so big!" "He was a different child for me." "We embraced each other." ""Mother" he said." "He used to say "Mummy"." "That wasn't bad." "I suddenly wanted to be alone with him." "Then I asked the aunts:" ""Can I take a stroll with Adrie?"" ""Of course!" They were as relieved as me." "So we went for a walk." "Adrie was almost as big as me. I'm so small." "He was growing." "We walked like friends." "I didn't know what to say to Adrie either." "I said the first thing that came to mind." ""Adrie, we used to sing 'Kortjakje' in harmony"" "He remembered!" "So we sang it as we walked in the meadows." "That was our first conversation." "How did we sing it?" "Did I sing the second voice?" " No, the first." "But we could swap." "You knew the second but it was more the melody." "It was an obligatory voice." " l remember the second voice." "Kortjakje is always sick not on Sunday but in the week" "On Sunday they go to church with a twig of silver birch" "Kortjakje is always sick not on Sunday but in the week" "We sang that." "We haven't forgotten it." "Demolish the guy!" "You're the best!" "Keep your eyes open." "Splatter that body!" "Kick, plenty of spirit!" "Listen to me, it's important." "You have a watch?" "Go to the limit." "You'll be taken care of, Jan." "We're really going to try you." "This is an important fight." "You've won 2 out of ." "Now demolish him." "Look at his eye and what's on his gloves." "Look at his gloves." "See?" "Filthy bastard!" "In the red corner:" "Rodin Delai!" "Fuck!" "My legs are wrecked." " l'll deal with this leg." "I'll get some ice." "It's good for you." "In the ring you don't feel it." "Fuck it!" "It's good for you." "You fought great recently." "You can get him!" "Now relax." "Fight for your wife and baby." "What's the use of a no contest in the first round?" "A headbutt." "The head again, see?" "Stay on your feet, Bob!" "Jan Lomulder's wife and kid are here..." "The knees to head were great, Jan." "Everyone was talking about it." "We're happy." "He's pleased with his Dad." "He's really happy." "He can be proud later." "He'll be proud when he's born." "Cram it in, then you're free." "Five joints..." "Buy a stapler..." "Doctor's coming." "He's got a hard bonce." "Not the first." "This is open, but it's an old one." "Ayni!" "Kick!" "Very good!" "Once more, Ayni!" "That's right." "Once more." "I was in a home from the age of nine." "I didn't notice much." "I feel pretty Muslim." "If I believe anything, it's that." "Everyone believes in one God, each to his own." "That's the way I grew up and what I know... I hope we all go to heaven when we die, if we're good." "I'd rather go to heaven." "I really believe there's a heaven and hell." "You have to believe something." "I don't know what use it is now." "Maybe finding peace." "At this age it's difficult to start doing what my father has done for dozens of years." "Have you seen this?" "Not the most beautiful race." "What's wrong?" "It's stunning." "Bit bald and thin..." "We used to use prints like the one you brought." "Are you taking over my work?" "We'll always need couriers but more comes by screen." "It's really quick." "You fetch it from the photographers?" " And take it to the lab then I take it back." "I wonder if that will last long." "Even I have a computer..." "You have to develop the photos." "If you can't do it at home..." " True." "Are there prospects in the firm?" "I can switch to driving vans, if I'm lucky." "You'll have to pass your test." " And I need a vacancy." "Lots of moped riders switch to vans." "Long-term couriers have a better chance on the vans." "Does it pay better, or is it just drier?" "." "You have to get off the moped in the end." "It pays better too." "You keep warm and dry." "You have that Kohl pic?" "The photos come in on the screen." "There's a transmitter... I take the car to the garage at eight a.m." "I leave the car there walk through the new estate and go under the tunnel." "On the other side, a broad, shallow valley appears full of allotments a broad field, illuminated by white light." "I stand and look." "I am far away on a long journey in my own city." "I know life is a dream." "Within 5 minutes, I reach Amstel Station." "I take the metro." "I come home and the phone rings." "My wife calls from Rio de Janeiro." "I hear her voice." "Can I criticise life?" "What do I think of life?" "It's what you make of it and others around you." "Take it as it is." "One time it's hard, the next it's easier." "A cliché really." "Who doesn't think that?" "It'll be better on the vans." "I want to get off the moped." "When I'm a van courier I'll be more satisfied." "I'd like that to be a van courier." "First I have to pass my driving test." "That won't be hard." "Just be patient." "Of course, everyone passes their test." "I hope I can too." "I've had enough of all that filming." "I'm going home." "Bye!"