"Oh." "You were waiting." "You were late." "Sorry." "It's all right." "What are you doing?" "Giving you a kiss." "I can do better than that, come here." "Mmm..." "You're pissed." "No, not pissed..." "Just, you know, got a bit of a, got a bit of a glow on." "What's the matter with you, not staying?" "Yeah, why not?" "Is that what you're wearing?" "Looks like it." "What?" "Nothing, it's..." "So, what's the plan?" "The plan?" "You know the plan." "We're going to, er, have a roast, then go for a walk then... you were going to come and stay at my place." "Great." "You don't want to do that, do ya?" "What makes you say that?" "You're not really dressed for meeting children, Mia." "No?" "No, not really." "Yeah, well, um..." "I don't really have that much experience with kids." "And actually," "I think it's a bit messed up you want me to come and play house in the first place." "It was your idea." "Well, I didn't exactly expect you to agree." "What?" "Why not?" "Why, why wouldn't...?" "Because this is like  like a dance." "It's a what?" "A dance?" "A dance?" "Do you know what, sorry," "I forgot." "I forgot we were dancing, it's..." "No, I'm sorry, you're right, I've got it." "I've got it." "So, what are we doing then?" "What are we going to do?" "Erm..." "Tell you what, why don't we have a walk to the park," "I can bang you up against a tree?" "No, actually, no, I've got pills, we'll neck them, we'll go clubbing?" " There's no need." " You'd love that, yeah?" "A bit of clubbing." "And what are you doing now?" "What's it look like?" "Come on  just sit down." "What do you want, Mia?" "Eh?" " All I said..." " Just don't." " All I... all I said..." " Please, don't do that." "All I said..." "Mia!" "Just tell me what you want?" "Look at me." "Look at me." "What do you want?" "David..." "I've had enough of this shit." "Hello." "This is David Burroughs." "It's you." "It's me." "Hello." "Hi." "Come on, mate." "Who's this?" "Mia, this is my son, Frankie." "Yeah, and what's he doing here?" "This is a pub." "Yeah, I told you we're just meeting my friend while we wait for Mum to come and pick you up." "What's she wearing?" "I'm just going to have a nice chat with Mia, why don't you just finish that podcast?" "OK." "It's my weekend." "It's almost over, I called his mum, and she's picking him up from the station." " It's just one hour, OK?" " You have to be fucking kidding me." "Come on, you've got to love the confidence of a man who'll bring an 11-year-old" " to a booty call." " Yeah." "I realise it isn't protocol, but not much about our thing has been by the book, has it?" "Well, I think this might be a bit too maverick even for me." "No, no." "You don't do that." "You don't stand me up and four days later call me at a minute's notice and then fuck off when I arrive, that doesn't happen." "Believe me," "I'm going to make it worth your while." "You owe me." "OK." " S-s-sorry?" " OK!" "So, we'll just play nicely" " and then..." " Play rough?" "Exactly." "So, who's the mother?" "You know when you meet someone you have a  total, instant connection to?" "Spiritually, sexually, everything." "Maybe." "Well, she was like that." "Then it all went... horribly wrong." "I don't know." "Well, she can't be all bad." "No?" "No." "So, you gonna tell me what happened the other night?" "Ah." "No." "That's not part of the deal." " No?" " Mmm." "I didn't call you here to explain myself." "You must know that's not why you're here" "Fair enough... possibly a little bit insulting, but" "OK, I'll go with it." "It finished." "And that's that, so I rang you." "I'm bowled over... really." "Well, you should be." "So, what are we doing now?" "Er, now?" "Talking." "OK." "What about?" "Um, w-what were you listening to?" "A story?" "In Our Time with Melvyn Bragg." "Right, nice." "So, do you want to be a doctor, when you grow up?" "Like your dad?" "Er, no." "He's just a general surgeon." "I want to be a neurologist." "But it's a lot of extra work and I'm starting to regret it now." "You don't have to be a doctor, you can be anything you want." "It's nothing to do with you." "That's it?" "I'm sure you've played this game before, haven't you?" "Go on, Frankie, show us what you've got." "Go on." "Live a little." "Oh!" "Easy, tiger." "It's gonna go." "Easy, easy." " It's not over." " Nice!" "Your turn." "Fortune favours the brave." "It's all under control." "It's distracting." "Dad, you're such an idiot." "So who won?" "He lost, but who won?" "Well, no-one... won." "So, you just... build a tower, and make it fall down?" "Yeah." "It's fun." "It's fun, but stupid." "Come on, let's play again and then in... 20 minutes we'll go meet Mum at the station." "But maybe she wants a go?" "What?" " Hi, darling." " Hi, Mum." "Jess." "My meeting finished early so I thought I'd pop over." "That OK?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "This is Mia, Daddy's friend." "Hi, Mia." "Hi." "Hello." "Do you need to pop to the loo before we go?" "Can I have some wine?" "Just a drop" "So how did you find us?" "Why?" "Were you hiding?" "No." "He's got an app on his phone." "Lets me know where he is." "Jesus, no wonder he's so wound up." "He can't really enjoy a simple game, for God's sake." "Oh yeah, I'm a monster, fucking him up." "No, I'm not the one who's living with him everyday." "God knows what you're telling him, he thinks I'm an arsehole." "If you believe that, then you're even more stupid than I thought." "I like your hair." "Thanks." "They're always beautiful, Steve, I'll give you that." "Sorry, this must be a bit much." "It is a bit, yeah." "Fair enough." "You just want to have a nice time and then all this emotional nonsense comes and sits on your lap." "OK, do you want to say goodbye to Dad?" "Bye, Frankie." "Good luck with him." "Thanks." "I'd like to give you some advice but I don't have any." " Take care." " You too." "See you, mate." "Oh, wow!" " Fuck my life!" " Who's this then, eh?" "Is that the plumber?" " Eh?" " Mia?" "Where are you going, Mia?" "I thought we'd finish off our date properly." " Make yourselves at home." " Hey!" "Where are you going?" "Hey." "I'm sorry." "Who are you?" "I'm David." " Look, what...?" " Mia!" "What happened to your hand?" "I tripped." " Right." " Who are you?" "You fucking her?" "Eh?" " Do we have to talk about this?" " Yeah, we do." "Who the fuck are you?" "I'm a doctor." "Let me see it." "Fucking..." "She was just getting out of hand, this shit." "Yeah." "Yeah." "She..." "That needs some attention." "Mia," "I need to look at David's hand." "Where's the bathroom?" "It's in here." "So, I'm guessing... that you punched a mirror." "Yeah, something like that." "Right, this is going to feel... a bit interesting." "Ow!" "Shit!" "I'm a bit pissed." "So what happened?" "I lost it, didn't I?" "Oh, she's so stupid." "Oh, we both know that's not true." "She tell you I wanted her to meet my kids and she fucked it up." "So, you know, I just..." "I fucked off... and I suppose she phoned you." "Yep." "So, are you OK with that?" "I'm thinking about it." "Just hold that." "Yeah." "What?" "Nothing." "It's just, er  it's just funny how life works out." "Yeah." "Right, that'll do for now." "Thanks." "What do we do now?" "You really need to get yourself a first aid kit." "I need to get myself a better social life." "I love London." "It's all..." "It's just..." "It's all there, laid out for you." "You can just... mess about," "do whatever you want." "So you don't... you don't really know where you're going or what you're doing." "You have all these stories in... n your head, and excuses or reasons  as to why you can't stop  passing the time." "And eventually you think  "I'm a fuck-up."" "Just two big, fat fuck-ups." "That won't do... any more  will it?" "It was nice knowing you." " Get that hand seen to properly." " Yeah, see you." "Yeah, bye." "I'm not ready to meet your kids." "Who said I wanted you to?" "You." "You want a lot of things." "Yeah." "Yeah, I do." "What are you going to do about that, Mia?" "It's been 18 days since we've known each other." "I mean, what do you expect?" "You need to grow up, Mia." "That's rich, coming from a man with a sanitary towel taped to his hand." "Yeah, I suppose." "You see, you say you're looking for love." "What are you going to do about it?" " It's been 18 days." " Fuck that." "Fuck it!" "Who cares?" "Oh, fuck's sake." "There's probably a couple of things that you should know about me." "I'm not that bothered about any of this..." "I used to have sex for money sometimes." "Right." "Dunno." "I always kind of liked doing the wrong thing, and, as a kid, I used to steal make-up from Woolworths  then I stole from my business partner and..." "I suppose I break people's hearts, because that's wrong too... and one time I wrote "Sarah sucks cock"  on Sarah's mirror with Sarah's lipstick." "Is that it?" "It's pretty poor, if you ask me." "And what do you care?" "Yeah, well, here's the thing." "I do care." "I care a lot." "That's just the way I am." "I can't help it." "Now you either deal with that or you tell me to fuck off now and I'll go home." "Can I think about it?" "Hello?" "Hi, Dad." "How are you doing?" "It's past my bedtime." "Yeah, yeah." "I'm sorry." "I-I was just wondering if..." "you fancied going to the... to the Science Museum next week." "Erm, no, thanks." "It's very poorly laid out." "Right." "OK." "No problem." "Do you want to speak to Mum?" "Um..." "You always ring me when you want to speak to Mum." "Do I?" "Mum!" "Mum!" " You're such a twat." " I know." "So, how was your date?" "It was all right." "I need you Thursday, four o'clock." "It shouldn't be a problem." "I don't do promises." "OK?" "OK," "OK." "No promises." "We should just have more fun." "All right." "OK." "I'm going to bed."