"[Music]" "I am so sorry." "[Phone ringing]" "Hello?" "Dad, what's going on?" "Ah, nothing." "I just got my hand in a chicken." "Yeah, it's dead." "Where are you?" "Oh, cool." "Hi." "Hey." "There's a chicken" "On your hand." "No, Carly just walked in." "Yeah, sure." "For you." "Who is it?" "Our creator." "Dad?" "He's on a submarine." "Oh, cool." "Dad, hey." "Yeah, we're doing iCarly tonight, why?" "No way." "How?" "How what?" "Shh." "Really?" "Oh my God, that's so great." "What's great?" "Shhh." "So, everyone, on the whole sub?" "Every who on the whole what?" "Just stuff your chicken." "That's so amazing." "Right, so I guess" "I'll see you tonight." "I mean, I won't see you," "But you'll see me." "You know what I mean." "Yeah." "Okay, you wanna talk" "To Spencer again?" "Yay." "Oh, you don't." "Oh..." "Okay, bye." "What?" "His submarine's docked" "Right off the coast of alaska" "Where they have internet access." "So, he and the whole crew" "Are gonna watch iCarly tonight." "Fo realz?" "Fo yeah." "It's gonna be the first time" "He's seen our show live." "And why is your hand" "In a chicken?" "I got a date." "Who with?" "With a real woman." "As opposed to?" "I just..." "I just mean she's like" "A really classy lady." "Get this." "Her name is candice." "Classy." "She's the president" "Of her own company." "She reads books," "And she wears pantyhose." "Impressive." "Yeah." "So you're making her dinner?" "Uh-Huh." "She wrote in her online profile" "That she likes sophisticated men" "Who can cook." "So I'm making her dinner," "And I bought these." "Sophisticated?" "I guess." "Where'd you get those?" "You know socko's cousin," "The optometrist?" "Isaac?" "Yep." "[Phone ringing]" "Ummm, I think" "Your cell phone's ringing." "Yeah." "You see it?" "[Phone ringing]" "Could it be in your chicken?" "Aw, man." "Pretty sophisticated." "In five, four, three, two..." "Hey, Carly." "Yeah?" "Is it weird if a guy" "Grows hair between his toes?" "Why?" "Do you?" "No..." "Did you see Sam's e-mail?" "No, what e-mail?" "She's in jail." "What?" "What happened?" "She was at the jiffy mart" "Buying a snack" "And a guy cut in front of her." "So she shoved a hot chili dog" "Down his pants" "And it turns out" "The guy was an ambassador" "From mexico." "Aw, Sam." "So then what happened?" "He yelled," ""Los frijoles calientes" ""Quema mis pantalones." "Ohhhhh."" "No, I mean, with Sam?" "Oh." "The cops showed up" "And took her down to juvy." "Her mom's on her way there," "But Sam says there's no way" "She's getting out till tomorrow." "So, you're canceling iCarly?" "Well, I don't see how we're" "Gonna be able to do the show..." "No, we're not" "Canceling iCarly." "We've never canceled the show." "And my dad's watching it" "Live tonight for the first time." "I thought" "Spencer was your dad." "Gibby." "Well, how are we gonna" "Do the show without Sam?" "Spencer." "Normal, here I come." "[Music]" "Spencer, Spencer." "Yeah, what's up?" "I need you to fill in for Sam" "On iCarly tonight." "Why?" "Where's Sam?" "Juvy." "Again?" "What'd she do?" "She shoved a hot chili dog" "Down a foreign" "Dignitary's pants." "Senor guttierez?" "Yeah, how'd you know?" "He tweeted about it." "How come you follow senor..." "Please, shut up." "Will you do iCarly with me?" "Can't." "But dad's watching tonight." "We have to do it for dad." "You know, I have a date" "With candice." "So, reschedule it." "She's already on her way." "Ah, come on." "Just have candice wait down here" "Till the show is over." "Or she can come up and watch." "Yeah." "Noooo." "She's a very" "Sophisticated woman." "I can't have her thinking" "I spend my time" "Hanging with teenagers" "Doing goofy stuff." "That's like all you do." "Yeah, but I can't" "Have her thinking that." "She wears pantyhose." "Please?" "This is really important to me." "Any other night," "You know I would," "But this date is..." "It's...she's...she's not...no, no." "Carly, don't." "No, don't." "Unicorns and taffy." "Lip gloss." "Okay, okay." "I'll fill in for Sam tonight." "Yay, be upstairs" "In four minutes." "Three minutes." "I feel duped." "[Doorbell]" "Just a moment." "[Music]" "Hello, candice." "Spencer." "Won't you come in?" "Thank you." "May I take your coat?" "I'm not wearing a coat." "Touche." "What a charming place," "So many toys and things." "Very whimsical." "Well, I have..." "I have a teenage sister." "You know teenagers," "What with their whimsical toys" "And such." "Spencer." "Oh, that's her now." "Here, why don't you have" "Some cucumber water," "And I'll go see" "What Carly needs." "Thank you." "Until I return." "I'll be here." "Spencer?" "Yes?" "I think these are" "Pickle slices in the water." "Ah, pickles," "The cucumber's grumpy cousin." "I'm here, when do we start?" "45 seconds." "Tell me what I do." "Okay." "Freddie says," ""In five, four, three, two,"" "Then points at us." "Then we introduce the show." "Then after that we go" "To that wheel over there" "And do a bit called" ""Put that in your man purse,"" "Which you don't know about" "But just play along" "And you'll figure it out" "As we go." "Why doesn't freddie say," ""In five, four, three," "Two, one?"" "No one knows." "I know." "No one cares." "Now hurry, take your jacket" "And glasses off." "But I look so sophisticated." "This is iCarly." "We don't do sophisticated." "10 seconds." "Now, stand here next to me." "I am." "Shhh." "Ready or not, in five," "Four, three, two." "I'm Carly." "And I'm Spencer," "Filling in for Sam, who's been unexpectedly detained." "Yes, detained." "Now, this is a very special iCarly tonight," "Because my dad..." "Our dad." "He's both our dad's." "We're siblings." "They know that." "My dad, colonel steven shay" "Of the united states air force" "Is watching iCarly live tonight" "From a submarine" "Just off the coast of alaska." "I don't think you should" "Give away his position." "Uh, I meant" "The coast of nebraska." "Yes, deep in the" "Nebraskan ocean." "Okay, the first thing" "We're gonna do tonight uh, is play" "A little game called..." "Yay." "Yo." "Yes." "Now, this is a man purse." "It belongs to our" "Nasty doorman, lewbert." "So nasty." "Last thursday," "Lewbert threw this man purse" "At our technical producer," "Freddie." "It hit me in the neck." "So we're gonna fill it" "With something fun." "This way." "I'll go that way." "We're gonna spin this wheel" "And whatever it lands on that's the substance" "We're gonna pour" "Into lewbert's man purse?" "Who catches on fast?" "Meeeee!" "And now it's time to..." "Spin that wheel." "Go Spencer." "Well, okay." "Sour milk." "Ta-Da." "We left this gallon of milk" "Out in the sun for two weeks." "Whaa." "Whoah." "Jeez." "Ohh." "Augh." "And now let's open" "Lewbert's man purse." "Ahh." "Go." "Oh, gross." "Augh." "Merry christmas." "Oh, ho-Ho-Ho." "Oh, ho-Ho." "Okay, now we'll" "Let that marinate." "Now, please enjoy" "Our little friend Gibby" "As he teaches us" "New vocabulary words" "While simultaneously" "Brushing his teeth with mustard." "Gibby?" "I'll be right back." "Where are you going?" "Candice doesn't know" "I'm doing this." "I have to stall her." "Okay, but hurry back." "Will do." "Aah." "No, I know." "Ah-Ha, there you are." "There you are." "I was starting to worry." "Ah, I was just helping" "My little sister with an issue." "You know how teenage girls" "Can be." "Oh, yes." "What was her problem?" "Why don't we sit down?" "All right." "Right this way." "Here we are." "That is a purple dress." "Now, why don't you try" "Some of these mushroom tartlets?" "Oo, I'd love one." "And I'll be right back" "After I run upstairs" "Just to check..." "You know the first time" "I ever had a mushroom tartlet?" "No, I don't." "Well, I just finished" "Business school," "And one of my professors" "Invites me to this party" "At his condo." "Oh-Ho, professors and condos." "Listen, I'll be right back" "After i..." "Wait, wait, wait." "So I show up at the party" "Dressed casual." "Casual?" "Business casual." "But when I get in," "I see it is black tie formal." "So I'm hopelessly underdressed." "No." "Yes." "And then, he says..." "Why isn't Spencer back yet?" "I don't know," "But Gibby's been doing this bit" "For four minutes." "So it's at least an hour" "And a half later." "And I come back to the party," "Now dressed appropriately..." "Yay, a happy ending." "Now, I really should go upstairs" "And check on Carly." "Wait, I'm getting to the part" "About the mushroom tartlet." "Are you?" "Can I stop?" "Spencer's not back yet." "Keep going." "It tastes so bad." "Where have you been?" "Candice was telling me" "A story about mushroom tartlets" "And wouldn't shut up." "Well, hurry up" "And put on that cowboy stuff." "Okay, okay." "Cornucopia." "Psst." "Sorry Gibby," "That's all we have time for." "And now..." "Hi." "Oh, well hello there," "Farm girl." "You have a squirrel" "On your face." "Why, no ma'am." "The only furry thing" "Upon my face would be" "This a'here mustache." "Really?" "Well, excepting for these," "Which is eyesbrow." "Those are baby squirrels." "What?" "No ma'am, you've made a mistake," "Part two." "I'm afraid I must reittamerate," ""There ain't nary" "No squirrels upon my face."" "You're stupid." "Oh." "What's up?" "Hi." "[Music]" "Ha." "Hey-Hey, hey hey." "Hey." "You just done went" "And bit my foot." "Shhhh." "You'll wake up the squirrels" "On your face." "There ain't a'no squirrels" "On my face." "This concludes" "Tonight's installment of..." "And now, please enjoy" "This pre-Taped," "Super-Slow motion footage" "Of Carly shaking her" "Very wet hair," "Much like a dog after a swim." "Please don't go" "Back downstairs" "Till the show's over." "I have to." "Dad's watching." "I want the show to be great." "I'll be back" "Up in three minutes." "You said that last time." "I promise." "Okay, after the wet" "Hair thing," "Play a couple more clips" "While I set up for "hey," "What am I licking?"" "Okay." "Who's gonna be the licker?" "You." "Awesome." "Here I come." "Sorry, it took so long," "But Carly needed..." "Aah, aah." "Aah." "Who's hungry?" "I am." "Are you all right?" "Sure, why?" "What?" "Well, you just tumbled down" "A flight of hardwood stairs," "And you're wearing" "A big fake mustache." "Oh, yes." "I was just helping Carly" "With a biology project" "For school." "How's a fake mustache" "Tie in with" "A high school biology project?" "Do you like yams?" "Sure." "Good, 'cause I made" "A lovely yam puree" "With almond butter" "To go with our" "Roasted stuffed chicken." "How's that sound?" "Delicious," "And it smells divine." "Divine." "Now, you sit there." "All right." "And here's some yam puree..." "Thank you." "Try it." "Okay." "Mmmmm, the almond butter" "Gives it such a rich..." "Okay, is it a shoe?" "No, no." "Keep guessing." "Ummm, is it a guitar?" "No, lick it again." "C'mon, 23 seconds left." "Ummm, um, is it a basket?" "Oh, wrong, not a basket." "Listen to your tongue." "My tongue is still numb" "From the mustard." "10 seconds." "Oh, uhhh," "Is it a tennis racquet?" "Yes." "[Bells ringing]" "Wow!" "Good licking, gib." "Yeah, baby." "This has been..." "Okay." "Coming up next, the englishman" "Who was a terrible father" "To his two children" "Named fuffley  peeta." "Fuffley and peeta!" "But for the next two minutes," "Please enjoy this footage" "That freddie shot" "Of a crazy old man" "Screaming at a stop sign." "Playback." "I'm in a hurry," "You red octagonal demon." "Turn green." "What happened to johnny carson?" "Answer me that." "...me." "Yay." "What is that sound?" "It's your new baby," "Me little brother." "I have no new baby." "But of course you do." "His name is lumpley." "Look, the nanny" "Is bringing him now." "Here's baby lumpley." "Yay, yay, yay." "It's my family." "Yay, I live in england." "Baby wumpwee want to have" "An english accent." "Yay." "Hay-Hay-Hay." "That is not my child." "Oh." "Remove him." "But sir, you requested," "I bring him." "He is indeed" "Your child, father." "Poppycock." "Poppycock." "Baby wumpwee wanna do" "The poppycock dance." "♪ I want a girl with ♪" "♪ a mind like a diamond ♪" "♪ I want a girl who ♪" "♪ knows what's best ♪" "♪ I want a girl with ♪" "♪ shoes that cut ♪" "♪ and eyes that burn ♪" "♪ like cigarettes... ♪" "Yay." "Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh." "Now, baby hungee." "Waaaah." "Someone feed that beast." "Might I also have" "Some food, father?" "No, floss my toes." "Oh, father." "Get between daddy's toes." "Boo-Hoo." "Floss." "Father, please." "It smells like gorgonzola." "Yay, baby so hungee." "Have some creamed fish." "Yay, hungee, hungee." "Whoa, maaaah." "Creamed fish is bad." "No, no more." "I don't want it." "What is going on here?" "Uh-Oh." "Baby was worried" "This would happen." "Spencer?" "Could you give me" "Like five minutes" "And I'll be right down?" "I've been waiting" "Almost a half-hour" "Down there by myself." "And what is all this anyway?" "It's a live web show," "And we refuse" "To break character." "Who is this woman?" "Off with her head." "If her head does come off," "Might I please eat it?" "I feel it's time" "For baby lumpley to have" "Some more creamed fish." "Oh." "[Choking sound]" "Oh!" "Oh, good heavens." "Baby lumpley has creamed fish" "Stuck in his gullet." "I'll heimlich his tummy." "Uh-Oh." "That wasn't very sophisticated." "You're all freaks." "Come again." "Strumpet." "Bye, bye, pantyhose." "Well, I think that's it" "For this unusual episode" "Of iCarly." "I love you, dad." "Stay safe." "Yay, yay, yay, hay, hay." "Bye daddy." "Hay, hay, hay." "I'm sorry if this" "Embarrasses you." "Wait." "Before we go," "I think baby lumpley wants" "Some more creamed fish." "Nooooo." "Ah, baby no like..."