"(ON TV) We now return to..." "ALL:" "Argh!" "Oh!" "Looks like the power's out again." "What, are we in Iraq?" "This happens entirely too often." "Can we tell stories till it comes back on?" "Well, all right." "This is the story of Black Snake Moan." "Once upon a time, Christina Ricci was all tied up for some reason." "I'm already bored and confused." "Yeah, Dad." "Isn't there another story like Star Wars you can tell us?" "Oh, there just might be, Chris." "There just might be." "(STAR WARS THEME MUSIC PLAYING)" "# His boy, Elroy #" "(IMITATES PROBE DROID SOUND EFFECT)" "(TAUNTAUN SCREECHING)" "(THUNDER RUMBLING)" "Echo Three to Echo Seven." "Han, old buddy, you read me?" "Luke, I thought we talked about this." "I changed my code name." "Oh, right, sorry." "Uh..." "Echo Three to Carlos Spicy Weiner." "Carlos Spicy Weiner here." "Go ahead." "There's a meteorite that hit the ground near here." "I'm gonna go check it out, it won't take long." "Be careful, there's some snow monsters out there." "Oh, relax, Han." "I'll be care..." "Argh!" "Cookie!" "Hey, you guys, I hate to do this to you but I gotta get out of here." "Hey, what's that on your jacket?" "Is that the Purina logo?" "It's just a patch." "I like it." "Thank you." "I lied, it's lame." "Oh, I won't miss you." "Han, wait." "I thought you said you were gonna stay." "Sorry, I can't." "But I'll give you my e-mail address." "Com..." "Yes." "CompuServe." "Han, we need you." "Oh, really?" "We, or I?" "What do you mean?" "You don't want me to leave because of the way you feel about me." "I bet you're afraid I'm gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss." "Ugh." "I'd rather kiss George Takei." "Hello-o-o-o-o." "(SMACKS LIPS AND MOANS)" "Man, it's cold in here." "(CLEVELAND'S VOICE) Beep, boop, beep." "I like all these electrical wires just nailed to the ice." "That's probably pretty safe, right?" "Captain Solo, have you seen Master Luke?" "No-one knows where he is." "What?" "That doesn't sound good." "I'm gonna go out and look for him." "I'll take my Dondon." "(DON KNOTTS VOICE) Well, I can't go outside, it's cold out there!" "You can't go out there in this weather, your Dondon'll freeze." "Then I'll see you in hell!" "(STRAINS)" "Damn these stubby arms!" "Now, this is no better!" "(SCREAMS)  (ROARS)" "Me was going to ask you to Snow Monster Ball." "But now forget it!" "(CRIES)" "(HERBERT'S VOICE) Luke." "Luke, pull your pants down." "Ben?" "You look awful cold." "Why don't I get you a nice hot bowl of Zima soup?" "Ben!" "Luke, you will go to the Dagobah system and learn the ways of the Force from Yoda." "Ben!" "Luke!" "Ben!" "Hang on, kid." "Yoda..." "Dagobah system..." "Zima soup..." "Yoda..." "Dagobah." "Huh." "Last time I was in a Dagobah," "I was drinking a beer in Little Italy." "Oh, go on, get out of here." "Oh, I can't stand this cold any more, I'm gonna die!" "Oh!" "Well, that's probably for the best." "There are way too many elderly comedians out here in the snow." "This may smell bad, kid, but it'll keep you warm." "(SIGHS)" "I thought they smelled bad... (PANTING)" "..on the outside." "How are you doing, kid?" "You look strong enough to pull the ears off Jennifer Garner." "Thanks to you." "Well, Your Managed-to-keep-me- around-a-little-longerness, it looks like you managed to keep me around a little longer." "I assure you I had nothing to do with it." "Yeah, right." "I think you just can't stand to let a fat guy like me out of your sight." "Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!" "You can't use that word." "Only we can use that word." "# THE IMPERIAL MARCH" "(GASPS) The boss is coming." "Look busy." "A lot of Empire stuff to do." "Oh, Empire stuff." "Busy with Empire stuff." "All done." "This Empire stuff looks good." "Yes, I think we're done with this Empire stuff." "Hey, dudes, what you looking at?" "We think we found something." "That's it." "The Rebels are there." "My lord, there are so many uncharted settlements." "It could be a phoney, a big fat phoney." "What them Rebels do anyways?" "You know your friend Allen?" "Yeah, I like Allen." "They took his dog." "They took Zeus?" "Oh, no." "Central Command to Jeffrey." "Jeffrey here." "Jeffrey, them Rebels took Zeus." "That's Allen's dog." "I know." "Oh, no." "I know." "Set your course for the Hoth system." "Lord Vader, we've entered the Hoth system but the Rebels have put up an energy shield, blocking our entry." "What are we gonna do now?" "Admiral Ozzel came out of light speed too quickly." "Uh...yeah, I had that problem with a chick the other night." "OK, gross." "May I have everyone's attention, please?" "We're evacuating into outer space with literally infinite directions in which to flee." "However, we have decided that our transports will travel directly toward the fleet of Star Destroyers." "Any questions?" "Yeah." "Um...is there someone from the military we can talk to?" "A man, perhaps?" "Sir, Rebel ships are coming into our sector." "Good." "Our first catch of the day." "(SCOFFS) Like you know how to fish." "Prepare to fire giant boob-nipple gun." "(LAUGHS)" "Feeling OK, sir?" "Just like new." "How about you, Dak?" "I feel like I could take on the whole Empire myself." "Really?" "Cos...cos that would be awesome." "Hey, everyone!" "Dak says he's got this one." "(CHEERING)" "You know it, bitches!" "Hey, Imperial Fleet!" "Get ready to suck some Dak!" "I think we're doomed." "Nah." "Unless they've got any big, giant, robot camels," "I think we're OK." "Ah, Jim, robot camels." "(SCREAMS)" "Echo Station 5-7, we are on our way." "Yes, Lord Vader, the shield will be down in moments." "You may start your landing." "Excellent." "We'll prepare for our descent." "Hey, hey, Consuela, no cleaning." "No...no cleaning while I'm doing the holograph..." "Shut that off!" "Mr Darth, you no have no more Windex on Star Destroyer." "Well, that's not my problem." "Why don't you go out and buy some?" "No." "No." "You buy." "What if I give you the money, then you can go out and buy it?" "No." "Ahhh!" "Ahhh!" "Ahhh!" "(GASPS)" "(OVER RADIO) OnStar." "What is the nature of your emergency?" "Yeah, I just got laser-torpedoed by an Imperial Walker and I need roadside assistance." "Of course, sir." "Am I speaking with Admiral Ackbar?" "Yeah." "Yes, I'm Admiral Ackbar." "Oh, it's a trap." "Han, what are you still doing here?" "Well, I just realised that my spaceship works better... when I have the keys." "Duh!" "Imperial troops have entered the base." "Imperial troops have entered the..." "Sorry, I dropped the thing." "Imperial troops have entered the base." "# THE IMPERIAL MARCH" "I want the princess captured immediately." "Jeez, Gordon." "Maybe today wasn't the day to wear your mesh stormtrooper shirt." "Sorry." "It's just..." "I'm going out dancing after work tonight." "Oh, my God, I..." "I can't remember the last time I went out dancing." "You know how long it was?" "It was on Alderaan." "That's how long ago it was." "This bucket of bolts is never gonna get us past that blockade." "This bucket's got a few surprises left in her." "Plus, me and Chewie are on it." "Ain't that right, Chewie?" "Hell yeah." "You my nerf herder." "You my nerf herder." "All right, Chewie, punch it." "Oh, thank God that hot chick is gone." "Now I can let loose my Darth farts." "(FARTING AND INHALING THROUGH MASK)" "R2, get her ready for takeoff." "Uh...you may not remember but I told you last week" "I got my niece's recital today." "(VIOLIN PLAYING TUNELESSLY)" "We got to sit through this whole thing?" "It's not that much longer." "She's number 7 and there's, like, 18 people." "Relax, man." "I mean, as long as she knows you were here..." "Look, this is happening so just come to peace with it." "Hey, this ain't the way to the rendezvous point." "We're not meeting up with the others, we're going to the Dagobah system." "Hi, uh...excuse me?" "Excuse me?" "Hi." "Do you know how to get to the Dagobah system?" "Yeah." "Actually, we're headed there now, you can follow us." "Oh, OK, great." "Um...annoying question." "We have to get gas." "Would you mind pulling off and waiting for us while we do that?" "Uh..." "Thank you so much." "(SIGHS)" "Han, look." "Aw, crap." "There's two more of them dead ahead." "It's all right, I think I can outmanoeuvre them." "JOHN BUNNELL:" "This Rebel lawbreaker thinks he can outrun the Empire." "The pursuing officers realise he's entered a residential area." "They give him a wide berth but they don't let him out of their sight." "Astonishingly, the driver makes a left, right into an asteroid field." "Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are two to one." "Never tell me the..." "Oh." "Actually, that's...that's not bad." "Yeah." "No, let's..." "let's keep going." "Ah, look at that one." "Ah, look at that one there." "Ah, look at that other one." "Argh!" "We're gonna get pulverised out here." "Look, we got four or five of the main characters on this ship, I think we'll be fine." "All right, let's park right there in that cave." "What are you doing?" "You can't park there." "You're not handicapped." "I have vertigo." "It's a real medical condition." "I'm..." "I'm just going on record as saying I'm not comfortable with this." "I hope you know what you're doing." "I've just found that Leia's constant questioning of me has not been productive to the atmosphere of the ship." "And I think that she just needs to get some respect for herself." "R2, wake up, we're here." "Put your shoes on." "You better hurry up and land." "The last half hour, I've been having all pee dreams." "All the scopes are dead, I can't see a thing." "Oh, sorry." "That's me, I was still using an electronic device." "OK, that's much better." "Now I can see the swamp..." "The swamp?" "No, no, no, no, no, no!" "R2?" "R2!" "(SCREAMS)" "R2!" "Are you OK?" "I think so." "Boy, who knows what else is in this swamp?" "NARRATOR:" "Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom..." "Not now." "OK!" "Hey, who the hell are you?" "Ooh, what the hell is that creepy little thing?" "Well, I'm not Yoda." "OK, I'm Yoda." "You're Yoda?" "You're the one that Obi-Wan sent me here to find!" "Will you teach me the ways of the Force?" "No, I will not teach you the ways of the Force." "OK, I'll teach you the ways of the Force." "What is thy bidding, my master?" "Hey, I'm downloading all my music to my iPod because I'm getting rid of my CDs." "Do you have any desire for Natalie Merchant's Tigerlily?" "No." "Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill?" "No." "Are you sure?" "This thing was unstoppable." "This...this was the soundtrack to my '95." "To my '95 and my '96 actually." "No, thank you." "Richard Marx - Hold On To The Night?" "Yes!" "I mean, yeah." "No, I mean, if you're giving stuff away, yeah, sure." "All right, listen." "It turns out Anakin Skywalker's son is still alive." "I'm gonna need you to find him and turn him." "Really?" "Well, maybe I can make him go bi, but all the way is gonna be tough." "No, turn him to the dark side." "Well, yeah." "I thought that's what you..." "Oh, of the Force." "Ah." "OK." "Got uh...confused." "subtitles by Deluxe"