"Let's show them a back-to-back stack'n'jack." "Aah!" " It's okay, buddy!" "Why don't you just tell us what happened?" "Aah!" "I just want you to know, didn't say anything." "Okay, whatever." " I know everything." "We're gonna brain drain him." "Marshall Chris." " Just a second." ""Okay, Chris!"" "They're called Ap'p'pals." "Back-to-back stack'n'jack." "Oh!" "Chris, you made me an Ap'p'pal." "Yeah." " "Tidal wave!"" "Son of a bitch." "I saw Chris kill Brett." " Run!" "You are hereby stripped of your status as a U.S. Marshal." "Chris." "Wait a second." "I didn't write this." "Susie, it's Chris." "I got set up." "There aren't any blades in here." "So Brett wasn't killed at all." "He might still be alive." "Aah!" "Run!" "See you soon, Chrissy." "The U.S. Marshal Service was started by a secret cabal... the Ancients." "Five Chosen Ones." ""The Project."" "Brett was one of the Chosen Ones." "Welcome to Shineytown, folks." "Shoe... me." "Brett's dead." "Brett's not really dead." "The ancients took him..." "to Kartuuk." "Find Mobley." "Finish this thing already." "Oh." "Chris, what are we even looking for?" "I don't know." "Fred..." "Somebody?" "I don't know." "It's been too long." "I can't do this." "I'm so tired, I just want to lay down and be dead for a little while." "I am so hungry." "Well, I got this." "Is that the dinner roll you found in the wood chipper?" "We could split it." "No, that's been in your pocket for like 15 years." "Hey..." "Oh!" " Mmm." "Oh." "Oh." "Oh, boy." "Aaaaaaah!" "Okay." "That was not a keeper." "Chris..." "Look." "Listen up, lady." "We have spent years roaming this Earth, we have given up our lives looking for our friend Brett Mobley." "Now I'm only gonna ask you once... where is he?" " Level three." "Okay." "What the hell?" "Woop." "Hold it." "Sugalski." " Chris." "Susan, grab my head shaver." "I'm about to go Romper Stomper on this mother..." "Hang on." "I might as well tell you the truth." "You're too late to stop it now." "First off, I'm sorry we took Brett, but he was needed for a higher purpose." "The "Project"?" " That's right... the Project." "Thousands of years ago, it was prophesized that there would be five "Chosen Ones."" "The Ancients started the Marshal Service in order to find these Chosen Ones, and we've been collecting these Chosen Ones ever since." "We had four Chosen Ones." "Brett was the fifth." "Chosen one." "But..." "What is the Project?" "Oh, you're just in time to see it." "The Project." "Oh, my God." "Chris, look." "Hey, buddies!" " Brett!" "Hey, check out my new rock friend." "He is giving me the coolest back massage." "Ooh, ooh!" "Aah!" "No!" "No, stop!" "What's happening?" " Soul suck!" "Oh, my God." " It's beautiful." "Huh?" "Okay, who got pink goop all over my yoga mat?" "Yoga mat?" "My bad." "I thought you said it was a yo-gurt mat." "Um, I'm pretty sure that's not a thing." "Note to self... invent yogurt mat after you strike it rich with the pizza pillow." "What does that even mean?" "It gives your dreams extra sausage, instead of extra naked Bryant Gumbels." "Um, you went there." "Why are you doing this?" "Distraction, Chris." "We have to keep the masses appeased, or else, chaos." "And you guys wrote this?" "Well, there is a script, but we just use it as a jumping-off point." "We'll shoot a few takes as written and then kind of mess around a little bit." "Guys, Valentine's Day is tomorrow," "And someone needs to light a match dot com in the bathroom dot stink." "Where's that sound coming from?" "This sucks!" "So, that's it?" "Uuh, we've decided to pull it for retooling." "This sucks!" "You took Brett away from us for that?" "You killed him for nothing." "That sucked!" "Let's trash this planet!" "Great." "Your little garbage sky show pissed everybody off so much they want to destroy the world." "What are we gonna do here?" "Think." "What do we got?" "Uh..." "Oh!" "Do you still have those dumbass apples?" "Why?" " Use them!" "What?" "No!" "You told me they were stupid!" "No, no, no, they're great!" "Do your dumb show!" "Really?" " Yeah!" "Okay, I believe in you." "Okay." "All right." "Go do it." "Marshmallows!" "Marshmallows!" "Marshmallows!" "# Purpose, then believing" ""Hey, everyone's real mad" ""and they want to destroy the world."" ""Oh, what should we do?"" ""Use your dumb apples!"" ""Really?"" ""I believe in you, you stupid dunce!"" ""Oh!" "Thank you!"" "This sucks!" "Booooooo!" ""Oh, that makes me sad!"" "Yeah, but it's so bad, it's..." "good!" ""Hey, how are you doing?"" ""Hey, you're a dummy!"" "It's so bad, it's good!" "Susie!" "Susie!" "You did it!" "You saved the planet with your stupid, dumb, weird, rotten things." "They love it!" "They like it ironically." " So who cares?" "They're all idiots." "I'm proud of you." "But I'm afraid this is farewell." "What?" "No!" "Yeah, I have to go avenge our fallen friend Brett." "Well, let me go with you." " No." "Y-you belong here, doing your show for the world to live-snark." "I'm gonna go make some blood." "Au revoir." "Oh." "Okay." "Goodbye, Chris." ""Hey, Susie, bye-bye."" "...just taking the same elements that we have." "Hey, Chris." "Me and the other Ancients are gonna do a little note sesh on the skylet if you want to stick around or..." "You're an ancient?" "Yeah." "You never wondered why I always wear my hat so low?" "You're gonna die bad." "As bad as your friend Quint?" "You killed Quint?" "And Grint." "Okay, I'm sorry." "Who?" " Long story." "But it ends with me killing Quint." "And Grint." "Say hello to my size-12 Buster Brains." "Ohh!" "Go ahead." "Do it, Chris." "But you'll never get past the others." "You'll never get to the head hon..." "Ohh!" "...cho," "Chris." "Aah!" "Oh, damn it!" "I'm blind!" "Oh, God." "Uh..." "Ah!" "Okay." "Uh..." "Come on, come on." "Und nun, wir spielen." "A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a" "A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a" "Aah!" "Okay, Honch, I found you." "No more searching, no more questions." "It's just kill time now." "How terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the wise, Chris?" "Do wha?" "Oh, buddy... we've been through this so many times before." "# I have been here before" "# How long..." "You don't remember, do you?" "You never remember." "Remember what?" " This, you and me..." "This dance we do." "We've been doing it for thousands of years, Chrissy." "We'll do it for thousands more." "I mess around with you until I get bored." "I leave." "You come and find me." "We have this talk." "And then we do it all..." "over... again." "Are you, um, the d...?" " Yeah." "Why did you pick me?" " Well, it's fun being the devil, but... you still got to live in Hell." "I'm stuck here, too." "You're good to play with." "You make me laugh." " Ugh." "Oh, no." "Ugh." "Okay." "Well, how does this end?" "Shh." "Ahhhhhhh." "Marshals, Ancient Rome, the Future, Nazi Germany, the Wild West, and Grab Bag." "I'll be that cab driver you can't stand." "I'll be that annoying robot that won't scram and let you just enjoy a good old space beer." "I'll be that idiot son you wish you never had." "Wherever you are..." "I'll be there." "Okay." "All right." "I'm ready." "There's just one thing." "Hmm?" "You're going for a little ride." "And I hope you packed your lags." "Ohh." "You lagged me." "Mm." " When?" "It's been a little pet project of mine, Brett... little stab here, little slice here, little cut there." "Sweetheart, I have been scoring you for years." "N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!" "Hmm." "Okay." "Ladies and gentleman, let me lay on you a so-so U.S. Marshal, not much of a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobody's friend." "In his final appearance on the great stage of life," "Mr. Chris Monsanto!" "# Bye-bye, life" "# Bye bye, happiness" "# Hello, loneliness" "# I think I'm gonna die" "# I think I'm gonna die" "# Bye-bye, love" "# Bye-bye, sweet caress" "# Hello, emptiness I feel like I could die #" "# Bye-bye, your life, goodbye" "# Bye-bye, my life, goodbye" "# Bye-bye, my life, goodbye - # Bye-bye, your life, goodbye 2, 3, 4, 5, 6." "# Unh # Unh" "# Unh # Unh" "# Bye-bye, life" "# Bye-bye, happiness" "# Hello, loneliness" "# I think I'm gonna die" "# I think he's gonna die" "# Bye-bye, your life, goodbye" "# Bye-bye, my life, goodbye" " Hyah!" "# Bye-bye, your life, goodbye" " Thank you." "# Bye-bye, your life, goodbye" "Don't deny it!" "Hallelujah!" "Oh!" "Give it to me!" "Oh!" "Give it to me!" "# Bye, bye, bye, bye" "# Bye-bye, happiness" "# Hello, hello" "# I think he's gonna die" "# La la la la la la, la la la #" "# Bye-bye, your life, goodbye #" "# La la la la la la, la la la #" "# I think he's gonna die # la la la la la la" "# Bye-bye" "# My life" "Oh, yeah!" "# Goodb-y-y-y-y-ye" "# Bye-bye, your life, goodbye" "# Bye-bye, your life, goodbye" " Hyah!" "# Bye-bye, your life, goodbye" " Thank you." "# Bye-bye, your life, goodbye" "# Mm" "Kerplump!" "# Baby" "# Christmas is sooner" "# So much sooner" "# Sooner than you think" "# Yeah, baby" "#It will be here in a blink" "# Well, Christmas is sooner than you think #" "# Mm" "# Decorate your house with the lights #" "# There's Christmas cards to write #" "# Knock yourself a Christmas tree #" "# And the mistletoe for you and me #" "Unh!" "Sync  corrections by dwigt"