"Are you crazy, you idiot?" "Do you know how much that church clock cost?" "My name is Eugen." "Enough said." "Because that spells a difficult youth." "This is our house." "Not just any old house," "Fritzli Bühler, the fabled" "King of Rascals, once lived here." "Today he is a famous treasure hunter." "A treasure map he bought from a Genovese sailor made him the first human to reach the dreaded Lake Titicaca." "He brought civilization." "All of a sudden, he realized he must have left the map at home." "He returned at once." "The map remained lost." "Until one day Franz fished" "Fritzli Bühler's safari shirt out of the drain in our cellar." "Professor Gantenbein, who had discovered the language barrier, said:" "This artifact is at least 300 years old." "Oh my Gosh!" "Fritzli Bühler went on to live in Zurich, where he found a lot to civilize." "Every year he wrote Auntie Melanie, whose tenant he had been, a postcard." "She still lives on the 1st floor." "Come here, Miss Kitty!" "She falls head over heels for kittens." "Aren't you hungry, Miss Kitty?" "Do I have to call Dr Walter?" "This is Uncle Herman, a big war hero." "The Swiss government awarded him a box of waterproof matches." "Hermann, help!" "But then he married Auntie Melanie." "She never let him breathe the open air." "He inexplicably began playing with his food." "Soon after that he passed away." "Explicably." "Hermann!" "Fetch a doctor!" "I live on the 2nd floor and my best buddy Franz one floor up." "Franz!" "Lunch is ready!" "Franz is battling Auntie Melanie's underwear, what with him being" "Berne's bravest knight." "He fears only the day when he'll first have to kiss a girl." "This is Eduard." "He's already repeated 2 years in school and can eat a whole piglet in one go." "And this girlie is Bäschteli." "He's a rich kid and breaks as easily as crockery." "He has no buddies, that's why he hangs around us." "No, don't!" "Well!" "Have we caught a fish?" "It's..." "Klameth!" "Goddammit!" "I'll be darned!" "Mr. Klameth?" "This must have fallen out of your pocket." "Cause it's still warm." "You mangy Dook!" "I might have guessed you were behind this" "Just you wait, sonny!" "I shall smash thy bone!" "From then on Franz was no longer called" "Franz, but Wrigley." "Edi, help me!" "I got him." "I don't got him!" "Where's the fire?" " Up there!" "Fire and brimstone!" "Get out!" "Help me!" "Get the ladder up!" "Real buddies hang on to each other." "Me," "Bäschteli," "Eduard and Wrigley." "The same summer, we were to become the most famous rascals in Switzerland." "You're about to see what happened." "Berne 1964" "Once a week our teacher Klameth would drag us to the museum for an art class." "He never came in, as he had to take his medicine and buy more at the drugstore." "Art is only for little girls and little Bäschtelis." "Where are they?" "Dunno." "And as Wrigley and I were proper men and Eduard had even shaved once, we felt that we had a higher and indeed heavier calling." "Stout warriors, fair maidens!" "I, Sir Ironhat, invite you to a murderous joust in my castle." "But, Sir Ironhat, where's your iron hat?" "Squire!" "Hold forth the iron hat!" "Bow thy head, noble knight!" "Are you nuts?" "That hurts!" "Get out of my way." "What are you doing?" "You've slain Wrigley!" "A little love tap never hurt anyone." "Lord Almighty!" "Put that armor back at once." "Shut up." "Right." "And now, back to work!" "It's no good." "Torture chamber" "Are you crazy?" "The others have all gone home." "That means I have to go, too." "I'm sure my mom's worried." "You can't just leave me here!" "You'll need a blacksmith." "I'm hungry." "Come." "What?" "Help!" "Help!" "Stop those brats!" "Stop them!" "Police!" "Jesus Christ!" "Devil's brew!" "And so, under cover of darkness, we decided to make our way to my room." "The only place we'd be safely safe." "Half past nine." "I'll knock his block off!" "That's the only way he'll learn." "Wrigley." "It'll be all right." "What if your parents come in?" "They won't, I'm sure." "Sure they'll come." "Mine as well." "And then Wrigley had a brilliant idea." "He, his knightly highness, would lie down." "I, his faithful squire, would be on guard, battle-axe in hand." "What?" " My foot." "Do you know what time it is?" "And what is this?" "Hello, Mrs. Pfister." "That must hurt him." "Shut up." "I'll be the judge of that." "Do you know what it's worth?" "The museum bought this helmet and the armor in 1926 for 22'540 francs." "The inflation brings it to 40'328 francs." "Roughly as much as the mortgage your mum and I took out on this flat." "You'll cost us the roof over our heads!" "You're off to work on a farm for the summer holidays and you'll pay the repairs on this helmet" "What about the scouts' camp?" "Cancelled." "And if you overdo it again in the next few days, you're off to boarding school, so you'll be away from that brat Eugen." "Eugen." "That Franz is the worst choice for a buddy." "And you can forget about the scouts' camp." "But..." " You'll help Auntie Melanie with her garden for the next 4 weeks." "But everybody goes to that summer camp." "Is your name Everybody?" "But I don't want to go to college." "Humanity begins with academia." "But you're just an accountant, Dad." "And Mom is just a mom!" "YESTERDAY MORNING" "Look out!" "Crocodile at port!" "I said port, knucklehead!" "This won't do." "We must plug the leaks before setting off for Titicaca." "Right." "Tomorrow we'll test this baby for real on the Aare River" "Okay?" " No problem." "Hey, you up there!" "Quiet please!" "Miss Kitty is sleeping." "Luckily for us, Miss Kitty did not suffer permanent damage..." "Aunt Melanie?" "Aunt Melanie, however..." "Miss Kitty?" "Hermann, help!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "It's not that bad." "I am swimming." " Come on." "Don't be so stubborn!" "What are you looking at?" "Did you work on this ceiling?" "Stalder, the great do-it-yourselfer!" "I haven't done anything." "It was your son." "You're to blame for this hole." "Your insurance will have to pay!" "I'll shut your own hole if you keep on about my insurance!" "Did your wife even make the payments?" "Now what?" "Lf we wait for them to calm down we'll be down here for 100 years." "No." "If we find this treasure we'll be so rich we won't ever have to go back home." "Come on!" "We don't even know where this is!" "Fritzli Bühler does, though." "We're going to Zurich." "Are you crazy?" "You know that's dangerous?" "My dad got his pocket picked there at the Sechseläuten parade." "Scaredy cat!" "Fritzli will be so amazed when we turn up with his map." "He'll take us with him." "Where are you going?" "None of your business." "If you don't tell me," "I'll tell Dad you're down there." "They're looking for you." "What?" "Leave me alone!" "Can't you look where you're going?" "Watch your own step!" "After a moment's reflection" "Zurich didn't appear that dangerous." "And so we prepared for our journey." "We're still going to the scouts' camp." "They've gone." "Come on!" "There we were, speeding towards Zurich and our hero, Fritzli Bühler, the King of Rascals." "And not to the scouts' camp as Wrigley'd made his sister believe." "Wrigley'd learnt about red herrings in a Karl May Western novel." "May got it from Winnetou who got it from John Wayne." "Sometimes Wrigley had good ideas, and sometimes not." "What are we going to eat, bonehead?" "Your parents have all those tins in their cellar." "Why didn't you bring any?" "That's spam." "But we can't take that." "Or else we won't be able to cope when nuclear war comes." "You'd be the first to stop eating spam." "No problem." "On his expeditions Fritzli Bühler always lived on what nature had to offer." "But we don't even have a fishing rod." "Fritzli Bühler never harmed an animal." "He only ate honey and grasshoppers." "So they aren't animals?" "That's different, they don't have to die." "Just put them in your mouth carefully." "Alive?" "It's still better than kissing a girl." "Come on!" "You look for honey in hollow trees and I'll catch some grasshoppers." "We'll have a feast!" "Hand over the honey." "There's no honey, let alone hollow trees." "I've looked everywhere." "We'll eat the grasshoppers without honey." "You first." "Tasty?" "Without the honey it doesn't slide down." "I could eat a ton of spam right now." "Straight from the tin." "Wrigley?" "If we leave now we'll be home in time for breakfast." "My parents want to send me to a boarding school with monks and nuns" "What is in their basement?" "A torture chamber where they give you electroshocks." " Rubbish!" "No rubbish!" "Ask Georges Wenger." "He was sent to boarding school, too." "And no-one's seen him since." "Vot temperature would you like the water to be, Fräulein Colonel?" "Minus 4 degrees, Chief of Staff Doctor." "At your orders, Fräulein Colonel!" "Strip, inmate!" "We have total hygiene here!" "No way, not in front of a girl." "Strip at once!" "Only if you turn around." "Don't peek." "Wrigley was right." "There was no turning back for him." "We had to go to Zurich." "Track 1:" "Train to Lucerne," "Bellinzona, Chiasso." "For Zurich please change trains in Lucerne." "Isn't this Bäschteli's bike?" "Goddammit!" "What are you doing here?" "You know it's not allowed!" "Out, now!" "Are you mad?" "You damned, rotten!" "Bloody rascals!" "Stop!" "What a surprise!" "Snake and Sniffle!" "Sought you could slip in unseen without your uniforms!" "Get changed right away!" "We forgot our uniforms!" "Now we know who'll be slaving in the kitchen while we have super adventures." "Goddammit!" "Gotcha!" "Come along!" "Leave the children alone!" "I'm their troop leader." "They are under my authority." ""Children"?" "Damned rotten rascals, they are!" "Next time I'll call the police!" "Kids or no kids!" "Have a seat!" "Instead of going to Fritz Bühler's we were forced to go to the scouts' camp." "Wrigley's brilliant red herring had turned into a hot lead." "My goodness, Lucia!" "They are at the scouts' camp!" "Fathter!" "Singing makes you hungry." "Here." "You can have something." "Beef jerky!" "My friend, Bäschteli." "My scout name is Tarantula!" "Estimable Serene Highness Tarantula." "Will you give us something?" "This is all I have till Tuesday, isn't that right, Bubble?" "Come on." "Your mother will send you something on Monday." "There's the syrup." " It's not mine alone." "My parents gave it to the scouts because of my good grades." "We haven't eaten anything since yesterday" "Didn't you hear what Tarantula said?" "You're not getting any!" "Then came the spiral tunnels at Wassen." "We learnt at school that spiral tunnels allowed the train to wind its way up the mountain like a spiral staircase." "If you don't get this it's okay." "Rubber will prove it to you." "You can prove that all tunnels circle around." "All you need is a heavy object that you suthspend on a long string like a pendulum." "It'll oscillate in the same direction while the train turns underneath." "Raise the syrup bottle!" "The mighty Bubble raised the string, i.e. Eduard." "The knot was tied by me, Snake." "You can try yourselves." "A hiking boot will do, too." "And you all have two of shoes." "One, two, three, go!" "Three?" "Now they are all at an angle to the mothion of the train." "Look!" "We're approaching the tunnel..." "We're moving in circles." "Wrigley crowned this breakthrough in modern physics with a great lightshow." "Get down at onthe!" "...and he gave the experiment..." "I'm coming!" "...a real kick in the pants." "Turn the light on, Thniffle!" "I'm turning in a circle!" "It's coming back!" "Shit, oh shit!" "Yummy, syrup." "Mr. Conductor." "Doggone and goddammit!" "Have you gone mad?" "Bloody hell!" "You blasted rascals!" "I'll rip all your heads off!" "Thpiral tunnelth." "Our bootth." "After Rubber had seen stars his love of children was gone for good." "Thut up, all of you!" "Of course we took the blame." "We'll make Rubber see the northern lights" "That slave driver!" "10.7 cm?" "Ath long ath this pit ithn't at leatht 1.6 m deep, you'll thleep here." "The ground is much too hard!" "It ith too hard?" "Are you two thithieth?" "After we'd finished our forced labor, it was high time to hightail it." "But this time we'd bring provisions." "Now then, Bäschteli..." "My scout name is Tarantula." "Get your mitts off!" "Skinflint!" "This is for me and Tarantula." "You've repeated 2 years in school." "No, three." "Why?" "I'll make sure he won't repeat again." "And if you do anyway they'll send you to retard school!" "I've got a plan to keep you out of school for good." "What kind of plan?" "Let me see!" " Outside." "It's 300 years old." "If we find this treasure you'll never have to go back to school." "Oh my gosh!" "Well?" "I'll have to wrap my head around it." "But right now I'm bushed." "So wrap your blockhead around it." "Phone me if anything comes out." "Dear Rubber." "As you abused us kids so horribly today, we have to inflict the punishment you deserve." "We took the liberty of partly cutting the log." "Yes, that one." "This one, too." "Thit, dammit!" "What's the matter?" "He's mad!" "Why are you driving this way?" "There's no way I'll let him pass." "He got his license at the supermarket." "Wouldn't hurt to speed things up a bit!" "The speed limit is 40 mph!" "Slow down," "Pfister, or you'll get us all killed!" "The boys will reach Mt." "Gotthard before us" "Jesus Christ on a bike!" "Like a Dutchman." "Who's in charge of this camp?" "I'm the troop leader, Rubber." "Where are Eugen and Franz?" "Eugen and Franth?" "Snake and Sniffle." "We're their parents." "Ah." "Hello, Mrs..." " Pfister." "Tho you had no trouble finding uth?" "Thankth to my thketch?" "Parent'th Day ith on Thunday, which ith why I'm here..." "Hygiene ith important in a camp." "Right!" "Stop the babbling!" "Washing is pointless here." "Tell me where my son is, you pig!" "I'll do a roll call." "Troop Murten?" " Fully accounted for." "Troop Thempach?" " Fully accounted for." "Troop Marignano?" " Fully accounted for." "Troop Morgarten?" " Snake, Sniffle, Bubble and Tarantula are missing." "Stop!" "Wait up!" "What are you doing?" "That's my package." "Not now it isn't." "Bubble, do something!" "It's the provisions for our journey." "Why?" "Where are you going?" "We'll have real adventures." "Coming?" "Rubber sent me to the Post Office." "Give me my package or I'll tell." "So tell!" "Go crying to your mummy, Bäschteli." "My scout name is Tarantula." "We're no longer with the scouts, Tarantula" "You're really mean!" "Don't you dare tell anyone we're going to see Fritz Bühler in Zurich." "Knucklehead!" "Can we go now?" "I'm tho dreadfully sorry." "If there'th anything I can do..." "Where's the nearest phone?" "We must phone Bäschteli's parents!" "In the potht offith at Carona." "Forget that bloody nincompoop!" "Come on!" "Let me go!" "I won't tell anyone where you're going!" " No way." "You're coming with us." "If you let me go, you'll get beef jerky." "No dice." "It's mine anyway." "Our parents!" " Run for cover!" "I want to go back." "No way." "We're going to Zurich." "And if Fritzli Bühler doesn't live there?" "He might live some place else and we've crossed this mountain in vain." "Yeah, what do we do then?" "Fritzli Bühler does live in Zurich." "Auntie Melanie gets a postcard each" "April 1st with Zurich's snowman on it." "What if he doesn't want to see us?" "Not want to see us?" "The King of Rascals?" "Maybe he's turned into a normal grown-up." "Think again." "He will never be a normal grown-up." "And so I ask you, from one rascal to another, from one scoundrel to another:" "Who wants to go back to his parents, to school, back to the scouts, while there's a Fritzli Bühler and a treasure in Lake Titicaca?" "To Zurich!" "To Zurich!" "Let's go!" "Dammit!" "Dear viewer, as if our flight hadn't already been fraught with obstacles," "Wrigley had broken his pedal." "Taking it apart is one thing." "But putting it back together..." "And added to the technical stuff the aggravation of finding that it just lacked a drop of oil." "But what good does all the oil in the world do when the ball bearing breaks?" "16 tiny balls..." "There are 16 of these." "If one is lost," "Wrigley will walk to Zurich." "I've found ten, so there must be 7 more." "Did I get that wrong?" "Hold it!" "No!" "What are you doing to my chickens?" "Help me!" "I was kidnapped!" "Thieves!" "Bloody thieves!" "Don't leave me alone!" "If I catch you, I'll show you!" "I'm gonna get my gun!" "Oh no!" "Go on!" "Why do I have to go up there?" "Cause it's your fault we've got this girlie hanging around." "Are you scared?" "It's kinda high up." "If I fall and hit my head..." "You'll know what 16 minus 10 is." "Come here, cluckety-cluck!" "Got ya!" "So come down." "Stay up there." "Oh my!" "Salvatore!" "What are you doing?" "Shooting." "Can't you see?" "Come on!" "Let go!" "I'm too high up!" "They're kids!" "They're bloody thieves!" "I'm confiscating this gun!" "It's mine!" " Salvatore!" "Salvatore, let go!" "Or they'll shoot!" "Stalder is doing this on purpose." "Don't get worked up." "Ruedi is simply a cautious man." "Vreni, the sleeping car has arrived." "See how dangerous?" "If I'd taken this bend at 40 mph we'd be dead!" "You bloody wops!" "Stand aside!" "Go on!" "Finito siesta." "Have you a bit problem?" "Have you visto 4 kids con bikes?" "4 kids on bicycles?" "Yes, exactly." "Have you seen them?" "Yes, I have." "And who are you?" "The mother... this is the papa." "Ah, the papa?" "Attention!" "Attention!" "The church clock is saved!" "These are the kids' parents." "A miracle!" "What did you say to that wop?" "This doesn't look good." "That guy is nuts!" "That guy is nuts!" "Stalder!" "Watch what you're doing!" "Now what?" "While our parents spent hours debating the value of the village church, we were obliged to wait until the chicken would give up" "Wrigley's ball bearings in a natural way." "I was of course handed the thankless job of keeping an eye on Bäschteli." "Hello." "I'm Bäschteli from Berne." "I have to phone my mother." "Help!" "Am I glad you're still alive." "I thought I was a goner." "You're pretty smelly." "Eugen, you're my buddy, right?" "Sure I'm your buddy." "What funny business are you up to?" "Well, I..." " Did you run away?" "Bäschteli saved my life." "Bullshit." "He did." "My legs went to sleep so I took a walk in this meadow." "And suddenly this bull went for me." "Bull indeed." "A real monster." "He'd almost gored me with his horns when Bäschteli appears with a cloth, yelling." "The bull sees him and charges." "Bäschteli runs around this corner and leaps into this cesspit." "The bull can't stop and - splash!" "At full tilt." "Bäschteli's a hero." "Bullshit." "And where's the bull?" "In the cesspit, of course." "Great." "It would pass inspection as it is." "Are the lights moving?" "Moving?" "No!" "But they're shining." "They're supposed to move!" "It is a major innovation!" "The lights shine around the bend so you see what's coming." "The way you drive around bends even a candle would do." "I've had it!" "First you bang up my Citroen, then you're broke, so I have to pay for that church clock that was no doubt ruined by your son." "Now shut up the both of you!" "We'd like to sleep." "Let's write up an accident report." "Okay, let's write it." "Which of you three fugitive scoundrels will join the pact that I propose, here, this night, in the heart of Switzerland?" "I will." " I will." " I will." "We'll stand united as a people of brats." "We won't let necessity tear us asunder." "We shall be cheekier than our fathers would allow." "We'd rather go hungry than miss a prank." "That night Bäschteli became one of us." "And then there was another miracle..." "Something must have happened to Bäschteli" "The working classes have never managed to turn up on time." "Let's get started." " Sorry, but I can't take a statement until all the parents are here." "Can't you see that my wife is unwell?" "Take down his description at least!" "Okay." "Show me a photograph if you have one here." "They're all a month old." "His first day with the scouts." "What's the matter?" "Need a can opener to pry her out of that box?" "The door's stuck!" " You're stuck up!" "Are you Mr. Ramseier senior?" "The father of Eduard Ramseier?" "That would be me." "No, Edi's at the scouts' camp." "No, he's not there." "I'll have to ask my wife." "Wife!" "When was Eduard born?" "Must have been... between Martin and little Rita... 1950, August 30th." "August 30th, 1950." "I think." " She thinks." "We don't need that." "Edi's bound to turn up." "He's always managed to find his way home." "Mr. Ramseier won't report his son as missing:" "Edi will find his way home." "That's what I think." "They must have at least 5 children." "All we have is Bäschteli." "I don't give a damn what you think." "I want you to start a search for my son." "Or should I tell my local government friends about your incompetence?" "Do the rest of you agree?" "Right." "I'll notify the police at Wassen, Gurtnellen and Hospental." " No." "You don't understand." "Turning over a few stones isn't enough." "I want a full-scale search between here and Berne." "APB's, roadblocks and, if necessary, army support!" "Now do you understand?" "Yessir!" "And now I'll ring Hans Ringier." "It'll be in all the papers tomorrow." "Hello?" "Hello?" "I have no money for you." "I'd like to know if you know Fritzli Bühler." "Do I look like a phone book?" "I've found him!" "Not a palace for the King of Rascals." "That's just a cover." "Oh, well." "There's no way around it." "We'll have to abduct him." "Do you think we can just wait here for the King of Rascals and say:" ""Hi, King, we're rascals, too."" "He'd take us for sissies." "So you "abduck" him?" "Exactly." " What does that mean?" "We show him we are masters of the prank." "Now!" "Hit him!" "Right, Fritzli Bühler." "Now you know once and for all:" "You're not dealing with sissies!" "No, don't!" "We won't hurt you!" "We're looking for Fritzli Bühler." "I'm Franz." "That's Eduard..." "Eugen... and Bäschteli." "From Berne." "What do you want from my father?" "Fritzli Bühler?" "A daughter?" "Anything wrong with that?" "No." "But why did he never mention you to Auntie Melanie?" " Auntie Eliane?" "No, Melanie." "In Berne, where Fritzli used to live." "My father's always lived in Zurich." "Let's go." " But Fritzli Bühler..." "It's the wrong one!" "What's going on here?" "What did you do to her?" "We're just playing cowboys and Indians." "Stop!" "Hands up!" "What tribe do these redskins belong to?" "These are my friends from the Emmental." "They sang with the Langnau boys' choir." "Franz, Eugen," "Eduard and Bäschteli." "Emmental." " Emmental." "A hearty appetite, have a Swiss bite." "The dear Lord must have put something into the rain." "Eduard - of all people - and Wrigley couldn't eat a bite and kept staring at the girl as if she were a shiny new toy." "Aren't you hungry?" "I'm not a big eater." "Me too." "Me neither." "No!" "Later, Wrigley didn't think up a new plan for finding the real Fritzli Bühler or watch the soccer game with us." "No, he disappeared for an eternity and came back with a soggy note." ""Fritzli Bühler's daughter is a maid that my heart to waste has laid" "You beautiful Indian princess have knocked me out." "I'm a mess." "Oh, tell me, can you spare a glance and a kiss for a boy named Franz?"" "Never had I seen Wrigley so sad when the Swiss team scored a goal." "Franz has been in there for half an hour." "Mademoiselle?" "When the perfumed peacock had spread his tail flat on the floor we took up our quarters." "I can't sleep for the smell in here." "I don't smell a thing." "It's you who smells!" "What's up with you?" "Nothing." "My father calls this" ""cherchay la famm"." " What does it mean?" "It's French, it means, there's a smell." "Doesn't it mean "look for the woman"?" "Bullcrap." "Tell that to your retard friends" "Oh well, I gave it a shot." "Come on!" "Let's get out of here." "I think they're asleep." "Where are you going?" "To find the real Fritzli Bühler." "He'll be asleep." "We'll find him tomorrow." "I know why he wants to stay here." "He loves girls!" "Take that back!" "No way do I love girls." "You love girls." " You do!" "While they argued for hours about which was the real lover of girls, night turned into day." "That's a dangerous scoundrel you caught." "Yes, and here are three more, to boot." "Darn it, where's Kathrin?" "The train leaves in 20 minutes." "I forgot my backpack." "Well then, skedaddle!" "I forgot my backpack." "Nothing else?" "We're coming!" "Got everything?" "Tickets, backpacks, good spirits?" "Change trains in Lucerne and make sure that all your bikes reach Langnau." "When you're next in Zurich, look us up." "Sure we will." "Thanks for everything!" "You're welcome, you silly boys." "Come on!" "What about my bike?" "Do you want to go to the Emmental or on adventures with Fritzli Bühler?" "Missing: 4 boys!" "15,000-franc reward." "Boys!" "Sorry!" "We're trapped!" "Look, boys." "Nothing will happen to you." "We'll just take you to your parents." "Never!" "One step closer and we'll jump!" "Boys!" "Don't make this hard on yourselves." "We had fun last night, right?" "We'll swim over there!" " No!" "Come on!" " No!" "Eugen!" "Dammit!" " I can't swim!" "Come along now." "Or we'll come for you." "But I've been to the pool with you!" "But not at the deep end!" "Stop!" "Goddammit all to hell!" ""The boys were last seen in Altdorf." "Industrialist Peter von Allmen, father of the missing Sebastian, is offering a 15'000 franc reward for finding the children."" "Like the treasure of Lake Titicaca." "15'000 francs." "I think my dad is serious." "I know how to get that money." "How?" " You wait here." "I'll fetch the police." "You idiot." "You don't get a finder's fee for finding yourself." "But what if someone else found us?" "The real Fritzli Bühler." "He can take us home, get the 15'000 francs and take off with us again." " Great, Wrigley." "No." "There's no Fritzli Bühler in Zurich." "Sure there is." "We just haven't found him." "We checked the phone book." "Only one Fritzli Bühler, and we stayed with him." "Maybe he changed his name." "Then we'll never find him." "You tell all these half-true or made-up stories." "Because of you, all of Switzerland is after us." " Relax!" "Everything's fine." "Nothing's fine." "We have no bikes, no backpacks, and no food." "Eduard was shot at," "Bäschteli's parents are worried sick." "Go ahead by yourself." "I'm going home." "I'm going with you." "Go on!" "I'll keep looking with Eduard." "Eugen is right." "Bäschteli has to go home," "I'm going with them." "I'll go looking for him on my own." "Beat it!" "By the time you find him, mankind will have reached the moon." "W... where did they go?" " Who?" "The ones that stole my cap." "In the name of the post office:" "Well done!" "I'm appointing you" "Postmaster General!" "What are you crying about?" "I'm looking for..." "Fritzli Bühler." "The King of Rascals." "That Fritzli Bühler!" "He's a good friend of mine and of theirs." "We're about to meet at the Beer Hall." "Ever had a beer?" "Sure, more than one." "So you're from Berne?" "Yes, and I also live in the house where Fritzli Bühler used to live." "What was the deal?" "A swig after every sentence!" "Two sentences." "Two swigs." "One, two, one, two..." "One... two..." "I wonder what Wrigley's doing." "He's ringing every doorbell in Zurich, asking for Fritzli Bühler." "Do you think he doesn't exist?" "Sure he does, but not in Zurich." "What if something happens to Wrigley?" "When's Fritzli coming?" "Him?" "Any time now." "Heidi, another beer for Wrigley." "Yes!" "Another beer for Wrigley!" "Beer, beer, beer." "Don't piss yourselves." "He could have come with us." "Maybe we left a bit too quickly." "Usually he's quicker than any of us." "Yes." "Jumping into the river after you." "What'll we tell Wrigley's mom if we come home without him?" "She thinks we're his friends." "What next?" "Fritzli took the chock from under the chestnut-vendor's stall, it crashed into a railing and sent the chestnuts flying." "Did Fritzli never tell you this?" "No." "And here's a really good one." "He never will." "Why not?" "Because there is no Fritzli Bühler." "He doesn't exist!" "And now about you, Franz Stalder." "Did you see how fast one can go?" "A Rolls-Royce is not an Opel." "I don't usually floor it, but my son is at stake." "I hope Bäschteli is among them." "Didn't he say on the phone?" "No, just that they picked up 3 boys with bicycles at the station." "A conductor noticed them." "He calls me and says:" ""I've got those children."" "I didn't catch on at once." ""What kids?" "The ones from the paper."" "I hadn't read the paper." "Say I: "Paper?"" "Says he: "The missing children from Berne." "From the front page."" "I dashed down to the cafeteria." "Says I: "This is urgent." "Hand me the paper"" "They hand it to me." "I take a look." "And then back to the phone." ""Stop them!" says I. "Detain them!" "I'll send two men over."" "They deployed, reported back to me and arrested the juvenile delinquents." "You haven't locked up these children in a cell down here?" "The cells are on the top floor." "I one of these brats sawed through the bars and jumped out I'd have to scrape him off the floor downstairs." "The children are in here." "In the heating room." "And why?" "It's warm and cozy." "If you sign a receipt, you can take them." "Here are your children." "Now, about this 15'000-franc reward..." "This boy is worth 15'000 francs!" "The only thing we have to do is deliver you safely home." "We found a train that goes to Berne!" "Wrigley, you bonehead!" "Oh my gosh!" "Let me go home!" "No, we'll take you there." "Heidi, call a taxi!" "Yes!" "A taxi!" "For Wrigley!" "Where to?" " To Berne, you cow!" "We have to help Wrigley." "I haven't done anything." "Yes, you cry like a girl." "Like a girl with a square hairdo!" "Hey, our bikes!" "What the hell is going on?" "Wrigley, run!" "Ah, you've come, too!" "The five of us can take the taxi." "Let him go!" "What do you want, you hick!" "Red alert!" "I have everything under control." "Goodbye, Chief Constable." "So where are our children?" "The Chief Constable said he'd like to apologize for this faux pas." "Apparently we're not the only ones." "What does that mean?" "That newspaper story brought on 350 reports from Central Switzerland," "250 ID checks and the arrest of 60 boys." "The Chief Constable thinks it's due to that 15'000-franc reward." "That happens when a fat cat gets involved." "The bigger the turd, the more flies..." "Mind your language!" " That's what happens when money's no object." "Bäschteli is worth that much for me." "Enough!" "I'm going back to Berne." "These boys are bound to turn up." "A good mother can sense that." "You're right, Vreni." "We're coming too." "Let them do as they please." "Is our child only worth 15'000 francs?" "No, finding our child is worth 15'000 francs to me." "Where's the difference?" "It's too much!" " Too much?" "Yes, too much!" "Who'll relieve me of those 3 spare kids?" "Stop!" "I can't go on." "I'm sorry." "So am I." "Me, too." "And I can't do this without you." "We shall stand united as a people of brats." "We won't let necessity tear us asunder." "We shall be cheekier than our fathers would allow." "We'd rather go hungry than miss a prank." "The end" "Come on!" "You've gotta see this." "FRITZ BÜHLER" " television SETS" "Well, Mrs. Bianchi, here's your TV set." "A TV?" "Why?" "Last week, your husband, Alfredo, told me to bring you the new Halux 500." "That's our new state-of-the-art model." "My husband Alfredo died 10 years ago." "Bye, sonny." "You don't have to buy this TV." "But you want to watch TV from time to time..." "News, nature programs, religious broadcasts in Italian..." " You don't say!" "Even you have something to learn." "Whenever and for as long as you like." "How am I supposed to pay for this?" "Let's make a deal." "I'll leave it here for 2 weeks for free." "Free?" "Free." "Come in, I'll make you a cup of coffee." "Come into the kitchen." "Look at that:" "The Pope!" "Mamma mia!" "The Holy father!" "Now you won't be so lonely anymore." "What if Fritzli's on holiday and won't be back for 2 weeks?" "He wouldn't have left that TV set." "Maybe it's broken." "No, it isn't." "Now what?" "End of the line!" "Get out!" "Now!" "Turn around." "Hands up!" "Are you..." "Fritzli Bühler?" "It says so plainly on my van, you thief." "We came especially from Berne to find you" "To steal a TV?" "No." "We wanted to ask you... where this treasure is." " What's that?" "Let's see." "How is Auntie Melanie?" "It's him." "It's him." " It's him." "It's him." "The King of Rascals." "A wondrous destiny was at work in the dark corners of the universe:" "Before the first man had set foot on the moon we set foot into the house of Fritzli Bühler." "Enjoy." "Yum, mashed potatoes!" "So you drive around all day selling TV sets?" "I set them up in people's homes for 2 weeks for free." "When I come back, they're hooked and pay up." "And when the Halux 500 breaks down after a month, I'm not in the phone book." "How much is a Halux 500?" "999 francs." "That's not that much." "My big brother's TV cost 1'000." "My neighbor." "He's a loony tune." "Bühler, I have a court order here." "I've already got that one." "You know you're not to cook after 9 p.m." "You've told me that 100 times." "Life on a campground depends on mutual respect." "But you young people don't have any." "If you know all that, why were you barred from the local campground after 3 months?" "And they didn't want you at the allotment" "Says who?" " Wiesendanger." "A square who thinks you're too square." "Bühler, watch your step." "Tomorrow I'll go tho the DMV." "Prepare to surrender your license plates." "Even better:" "I'll make sure your sleazy home is junked." "That does it." "Come on, boys." "Luckily, Fritzli had an emergency stash of a sleeping potion brewed by the" "Titicaca Indians for a covert operation to drive the square out of Hauser." "And now?" "Now Hauser was out of commission and ready for the climax of our prank, which we had worked out with Fritzli in detail." "How to get rid of a square" "1." "Call Roberto 2." "Procure plank" "3." "Bring plank" "Attach chain" "5." "Extend crane" "6." "Raise square and 7. take him for a ride." "Roberto, thanks a million." "I'll take that to Genoa and you give me that Halux 500." "Be careful, it's addictive." "To Genoa?" " Close enough." "While Hauser was on his way to an unwanted holiday, our own holidays finally started as they should have." "We're never going home." "This was the best moment of our lives." "We had found Fritzli and he hadn't become a normal grown-up." "That night, we and Fritzli became a real gang and made plans for what we'd do with the Lake Titicaca treasure... until the break of dawn." "Fritzli's gone!" "Fritzli's gone!" "Wake up!" "What?" "That's impossible!" "What's going on?" " Fritzli's gone." "What's going on?" " Fritzli's gone." "Why?" "I don't know." "All his stuff is gone." "Maybe he moved house and forgot to tell us." "Yes, and I bet he left his address here." "Hey, I found something!" "A crocodile." "This isn't just any old crocodile, that's one that Fritzli shot!" "What's that?" " 4 first-class tickets to Berne." "I think he wants us to go home." "And then we were on the train to Berne without the treasure from Lake Titicaca." "Home to our parents, to school, the scouts." "But it won't be the same home, because we aren't the same anymore." "We carry a treasure in our hearts nobody can ever take from us." "This treasure, dear viewer, is what you've just seen." "You may ask:" "Where was this treasure?" "Was it this adventure or that one?" "Was it Kathrin or Fritz Bühler?" "Or was it?" "What are you doing in first class?" "Well, I don't know." "But it's there, locked in our hearts, and it will shine for us in the dark." "Even on the darkest of days..." "Are you crazy, you idiot?" "Do you know how much that clock cost?" "Your chocolate mousse." "THE END" "Stop!" "You'll want to know where Fritzli is" "Will you go hunting in Peru?" "Yes, on Lake Titicaca." "Crocodile hunting." "Ah, crocodiles." "Would you like a drink?" "I'll have a Campari Soda." "THE END" "No, there's something missing!" "A whole year later..." "Shall we?" "See you later." "What about us?" "Well, have you ever done it?" "Lotsa times." "Will you show me?" "You'll have to shut your eyes." "But so do you." "Bühler, on the camping..." "Mates." "This is our new ship boy." "Heeelp!" "Police!" "Help!"