" What do you covet, Dottie?" " A wedding like Princess Grace's." " What do you covet, Inez?" " Dance with Humphrey Bogart." "What do you covet, Rita?" "Matching mother-daughter ermine stoles for me and Ramona." "Hey there, Ramona." "Hello!" "Go back to Grandma." "You're sure she'll look exactly like this?" "Put your turban on, Madame Le Main, and read my tea leaves." "Okay." "Ramona, thank Patrick for the cookie." "What do you see?" " What do you see?" " You're going to come into money, Helen." " You're kidding." " A lot of money." "I'll take a trip." "See the U.S.A. In your Chevrolet" "In fact, you're going to get a bundle." "Holy shit." "It's not your money." "You can't keep it." "Nothing." " Look." " I can get out here." "Get out of this town." "A savings account for the boy." "Patrick, you're going to be a college boy." " Eddie, a place of our own." " Whatever you want, Bunny." "Say goodbye to this dump." "Nothing personal, Rosalie." "We've always appreciated your hospitality." "You and me, kid, we're never going to worry about money again." "Do you know what this means?" "Baby, we're going on the circuit." "Nothing can stop us from winning now." "Rita, aren't you two forgetting a little something?" "Please, Ma, just look after Ramona for a little while." "This is our chance at the big time." " You know how good we are." " Good for nothing is what you are." "You gave up your chance when you got in the back seat... with Mr. Hot-Blooded-Italian- Can't-Control-Himself." "Why couldn't you have dated a nice Irish boy?" "Like the one who knocked you up and then took off?" "You are 15 years old!" "I wanted more for you." " You'll have to give the money back." " I am not giving it back." "I could go to beauty school." "How's the baby, Mrs. MacNamara?" "Your mother's poultice helped, but she needs a doctor." "Isn't Annie beautiful?" "Babies are so wonderful because they contain everything that they can be." " Where did you get that?" " It's for the doctor." " I can't take that." "Give that to your mother." " We'll be fine." "Annie needs it more than we do." "That girl is a living saint." "Mama!" "Our prayers are answered." "We can pay the grocery bill." "It dropped from the sky." "It just poured down." "It's blood money." " It was a Brink's armored truck." " It's not ours." " Armored drivers fight." " Like the priests dumped Judas' silver." "You have to find out where the money came from!" "It's a gift from God." "We're to use the money to improve ourselves and others." "A gift from God to improve ourselves." " That child has a pipeline to God." " Everybody knows that." "You don't even believe in God." "You're a Godless atheist." "He's just fallen away." "He still has the indelible mark on his soul." "We're to share the gift equally." "Wait a minute, Sis." "This bum shouldn't get a penny." "Tony, Ed's our guest." "After two years?" "They should be our tenants." "Ed and Bunny aren't even related to us." "They're spongers." "You're so clever at math, Inez." "You share it out." "19,820 smackerinos divided six ways... comes to $3,300 apiece." " And $20 for the house." " $3,300." "That's more than a year's salary." "God helps those who help themselves, Mama." "Sr. Theresa." "You're back from the tropics." "Just last night." " You're cold." "Let me give you my coat." " No." " No, I can't take that." " I'm fine." "No, you'll need it." "Everyone knows Italians are hot-blooded." "Come inside and get warm, and then we'll have some soup." "I'll meet you in the kitchen." "I'll just be a minute." "Real costumes, real arrangements." " Nothing can stop us from winning now." " I'll take a trip." "See the U.S.A. In your Chevrolet" "We're never going to worry about money again." "And, Eddie, a place of our own." "It dropped from the sky." "I could go to beauty school." "I can get out of here." "I can get out of this town." "You have to give the money back." "Dust thou art, and to dust thou shalt return." "Amen." "Dust thou art, and to dust thou shalt return." "Amen." "Those that build their house on another's coin...  must pay the debt in due time." "What did you say, Monsignor?" "Lent is the season to settle your accounts." "Could you repeat that, Monsignor?" "It's time to foot the bill." " Yes, my child?" " Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "I was certain I was doing the right thing..." "Theresa, spare me the details." "I'll probably hear them soon enough." "Frankly, I don't know what to do with you." "Nobody doubts your goodness... but you don't consider the consequences of your actions." "I want you to use this penitential season to make amends." "You mean I have till Easter?" "You got special mention in the State Waltz Competition?" "Yeah." "That was a long time ago." "Okay." "Just listen to the music." "You all know the steps." "Ready?" "And one, two, three." "No." "It's one, two, three." "Just because you're the man, doesn't mean you always get to lead." "Theresa's home." "It's an emergency." "Flight 777 from Miami to Buffalo." "Those with small children, or needing extra time may board now." "Let an old-timer by, young man." "Come on, Bunny." "Come on." "We'll get lots of pillows and blankets." "Yeah, good." "You shouldn't have gotten bereavement fares." " It's bad luck, Ed." " Since when?" " Theresa may be sick, but she's not dead." " We don't even know if she's sick." " Why else would she call us?" " I don't have the foggiest." "Why aren't we going to Vegas?" "If I didn't know you like the palm of my hand..." "I'd think there was something you weren't telling me." "This could be a golden opportunity for us." "Who remembers us in Buffalo?" "Dottie, lady barber." "I'll give Helen a ride." "Got to go." "What about my other foot?" "Monsignor said she screwed up one more time, that was it." "He's going to throw her out." "I'm sure of it." "Don't overreact." "We don't know anything yet." " It would kill her to leave." " I think she has a terminal disease." "She doesn't look sick to me." "I'm the one who's sick..." "Pardon me for living." "Isn't it glorious to all be together again?" "I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you." " Give the money back?" " Why would we ever do such a thing?" " It was a gift from God." " I understand now it was only lent to us." "And it has served its purpose." "Look at what splendid beings you've made of yourselves." "Sis, why are you back from the tropics?" " They sent me home." " What happened?" "I gave money to the poor." "And?" " I sold the convent rug to get the money." " Sis, not again." "They didn't need a rug." "It's hot in the tropics." "It's like a pizza oven." "There's no way we can get that kind of money, Theresa." "Even if we could, we don't know where the money came from." "It dropped from heaven." "Your faith is an inspiration, Dottie." "Certainly things have dropped from heaven before, and no doubt, will drop again." "But, in this case, I believe God had emissaries." "It's our job to track down our benefactors." "Did it ever dawn on you people... there was something queer about all that dough?" " What do you mean?" " It dawned on me." "The cops didn't cordon off the neighborhood." "Didn't bang on our doors and give us 24 hours to turn it in." "That was a lot of moolah." "And nobody came after it." "Well, if they showed up now, they'd be many years late and $3,300 short." "Yeah, double that." "Every cent I got is tied up in Ace High." "The best dealer school in Winnemucca." "How many dealer schools in Winnemucca?" "I've cornered the market." "Nobody has their $3,300?" "I could take out another loan on my shop." "You can barely make your payments now." "Dottie gives haircuts to half the city of Buffalo for free." "We have it." "Even if we wanted to give the money back, which nobody in their right mind would..." " you're over $13,000 short." " Actually, Inez, over $16,000." " What happened to your share?" " I put in the poor box." "When I went back to get it, not five minutes later, that box was empty." "I'm telling you, Fr." "Dailey had a sensor rigged up to that rectory." "I was standing in the middle of the church yelling, "We're the poor!"" "I do have this." "Remember the leftover $20 you gave Mama, Inez?" "She marked it that day with a red cross so she'd never spend it by mistake." "She marked it because I said:" ""Mama, if you put it in the poor box, I'll burn the church down. "" "We finally compromised." "She put it away for when the owner showed up." "This, with your share, starts us off with $3,320." "Now we're all agreed." "Our immediate objectives are to raise the rest... and to find out whom to give the money to." "I have no idea how we'll do that, but I have confidence we'll find a way." "All agreed?" "Did I miss something?" "You never miss anything." "You always were the sharpest one of us all." "Sweet-talk me all you want, this is a screwball idea." "And you can count me out." "Many years ago, I told you the money was a gift." "Now I realize it was only a loan." "It must be paid back." "You sound just like your mother." "May she rest in peace." "Of course, you'll all have to make up your own minds." "But I know what I must do." "The money must be paid back by Easter Sunday." " Easter?" " Easter, Bunny." "That's only six weeks." " Inez is right." "This is nutty." " Tony, this has to be done." "Now, who needs a place to stay?" "I'm assigned to Sacred Heart Convalescent Home." " We have plenty of beds." " Nothing to do there but die." "If you'd just do your physical therapy, Ma, you could go back to your own place." " What do you know about pain?" " Oh, for crying out loud." " I'll be at Dottie's." " Sure." "I am not going to a rest home." "Why don't you stay with Tony and Rita?" "Lt'll be more like family." "I love doggie bags." "Goodbye, everyone." "See you tomorrow." " Mother." " Theresa." "I can't believe I'm sitting here in Buffalo." "The only town where you can have a good time without enjoying yourself." "I'm so happy you're here." "It's just like old times." "Big emergency." "We have to raise $17,000." "I know people who lose more than that in one roll of the dice." "That one." "Do it again." "I forked over $1,200 for a non-refundable ticket." "Why didn't she just ask me for it?" "That is so nice that you would have sent it." "What, are you nuts?" "I wouldn't have sent it." "Do you know what she said to me?" "She said, "Inez, please do everything in your power to come home immediately. "" "Talk about dirty pool!" "She knew I'd come." "I thought she was cashing in her chips... so I tell my manager to jump in the lake, I close my school." "You got any Jack Daniel's in this mausoleum?" "Did you see her limp out of there like Peg Leg Joe?" "Her hip would be fine if she'd do her physical therapy." "But, no, she has to be the martyr." "Tell everybody about her wicked daughter who's locked her up." "I'd like to lock her up." "I'd like to whack her with her walker." "Every time I think of that bum down in our basement..." "All these years, he's still freeloading off our family." "This is not an advance of the generations." " Your sister, she sure is a piece of work." " Don't start on Theresa." "Theresa's a saint." "Everybody knows that." "But she's completely out of touch with reality." "If Monsignor throws her out of the convent, she'll come here to live with us." "We'll come home and find that she's given our bed away to the poor... or they'll be here sleeping in it." "You've got to go down there tomorrow and straighten her out, P.D.Q." "They turned off our cable." "How can they do that?" "Honey, we haven't paid the bill in six months." "I'm a simple man." "I can watch black-and-white." "I can adjust to a screen so small you need a magnifying glass." "Whatever possessed you to tell Theresa we had $3,300?" "We don't even have $30." "I can't comprehend why they haven't got cable." " Eddie, why are we here?" " Goatherders in Yemen have cable." " It's warmer in Tierra del Fuego." " What do you mean, why?" "How can you say no to Theresa?" "Everybody knows she's touched by God." "She's touched, all right, and I'm wondering about you." "We're going to make a lot more than $3,300, Bunnikins." "Don't call me Bunnikins." "You know I hate Bunnikins." "This is the perfect setup, dropping right in our laps." "We'll just give it one more day, all right?" "Yeah, I can smell the money, Bunny." "You better be right about this." "I'm missing Robert Goulet at the Sands right now!" "I'm leaving you in springtime I never would leave you" "Come on, Inez." "Rise and shine." "We'll be late picking up Helen." "I had enough trouble convincing her to go." "I'm not going to the convent." "We have to go back there." "Theresa's expecting us." "We'll bop down there together." "It'll be like old times." "Will you quit with the "old times"?" "I left town to get away from old times." "Come on." "What else have you got to do?" "If you're determined to do this, Sis..." "I suppose Rita and I could have a dance-a-thon." "Why don't we have a carnival?" "Everybody loves a carnival." " Ferris wheels, cotton candy." " I don't love carnivals." "I was thinking that we could raffle off a car." " We could hold a waltz competition." " And you think you'll win it?" "Right?" " And why couldn't we?" " Rita, Judas Priest, you're 47." "Next year you'll be 48." "A waltz contest would be absolutely perfect." "Remember Fr." "Dailey... and his famous car raffle?" "That first year..." "Ed, you've told that story a thousand times." "Monsignor Dailey now." "Monsignor?" "I thought by this time he'd be at least a bishop." "Even a cardinal." "I love the Fish Pond." "Everybody wins." "I am not getting involved with any carnivals." "I work in a carnival six days a week." "I would never expect you to do anything you didn't want to, Inez." "Do whatever you're best at." "Discover what else you can do." "Yeah, I'll get right on that, Theresa." "If you raffled off something like a forest-green Jaguar..." "It would cost a mint." "I know somebody who might help us with that." "This is what we're going to do:" "We'll have a benefit, raffle off a car, and hold a dance contest." "Rita, you and Tony scout the locations for the dance competition." "Dottie, you work on getting the car." "Inez, you..." "What a terrific beginning." "Ed and Bunny, you oversee things." "Any expenses you incur, give the bills to Ed and Bunny." "They'll cover our initial expenses with their $3,300." "And your $20." "Hello." "Stanley Stanley's." "Twice the name, twice the deal." "Dottie, don't be a tire-kicker." "It's neat, Stanley, but it's not quite right." "How about this one?" "Bad boy." "This is a beaut." "I need something really special, Stanley." "Lash me to the mast, boys... and don't let me loose, no matter how much I beg." "Dottie, it's wonderful!" " Want to go for a spin?" " Sure." "Stanley Stanley's going to display it in his front window." " So how do you like Florida?" " Peachy." "Orangy." "We have a little home near Hialeah." "Sweetest little place you ever saw." "You ought to come down." " Sounds like you're doing okay." " I can't complain." "What about you?" "You like Nevada?" "Bunny and I usually make it out to Vegas once every year." "In fact, Ed was taking me on a special honeymoon trip when Theresa called." "I should be doing my exercises this very minute." "Come to Mama." "I wouldn't go back to Vegas if you paid me." "It's a rough town." "Theresa doesn't look a day older." "How does she keep her youth?" " I keep mine in the guest room." " What about Dottie?" "I remember when Stanley Stanley used to be Marvin Marvin." "The only thing he ever gave anybody free was the finger." "Yeah, what do you have on him, Dottie?" "How did you get the wheels?" " I just ask him." " Keep your secrets." "I got my own." " You ever hear of sex appeal?" " I gave already." "Dottie has lady fluid." "You could never freeze in this house." "We have a choice between a convalescent home and an igloo." "Eddie, we're going to get me some warm clothes tomorrow." "You got it, muffin." "Don't call me muffin." "You know I hate muffin." "Sure thing, cupcake." "I'm going to be 60 years old Easter Sunday and people are still calling me Bunny." "I made Ed sign an affidavit that he would not put "Bunny" on my gravestone." "I think it's sweet that Ed has pet names for you." "You're like two peas in a pod." " A bicycle built for two." " A $2 bill." "Good thing I'm not diabetic with all this sweetness floating around this joint." "While I'm here, I might as well go check out the casino at Niagara Falls." " What, tomorrow?" " Yeah, maybe." "I want you to do something for me." "I want you to put this on Easy Me to win in the third." "You're probably the only person in the world I would do this for." "$20 on Easy Me to win." " Easy Me?" " Go to hell." "I'm just trying to help you out, doll face." "The odds on that nag are 30-to-1." "What are you doing?" "That summons the manager!" "You better scram." "He's nobody to fool with." "I can handle managers." "They're all the same." " Is it an emergency?" " I want to audition." "Okay, here's the plan." "You'll fix the raffle so we win the car, and I'll get the door money." "And while they're dancing, we're going to be halfway home!" "We're going to be halfway to Hialeah" "Yes." "Yellow is your color." "It seems my wife has lost her gloves and hat... we thought possibly..." "Would you be so kind as to show us the..." "Yes!" "Thank you." "Give it a search, my love." "You know, dear, I had a muffler, too." "A very nice matched set." "You're certain this was all that was turned in?" " You snug, honeypot?" " I look like the Michelin Man." "You look beautiful." "Careful." "This is the historic Shea's Theater." "It opened in 1926, and in its heyday seated 3,000 people." "Tony, it's so elegant!" "It's just perfect, perfect for the waltz competition." "You sure this place is up to code?" "Bunny, I got the application for the permit to hold a dance contest." " You take it to City Hall and pay the fee." " You go ahead and handle it." "Theresa said to give you the bills." "A little short on cash, are you?" "Don't be ashamed." "Leave it on the stairs." "I'll take care of it." "Don't forget, I'm going to need a ride to the printer's tomorrow." "I'll be ready at 10:00." "Are you hungry?" "Would you like a place to stay?" "Is Patrick married?" "They're lined up around the block." "But he says he hasn't met the right one yet." "Talk about a looker." "Here's my granddaughter, Ramona." "She has a very important government job." "People need to know anything, she can look it up." "Patrick's a famous lawyer." "Although he's busy with his career, he still makes time to see us." "Regularly." "Ramona's the only good thing in my life." "What about Rita?" "Bad enough I messed up my own life." "Rita had to mess up hers, and make me pick up the pieces... while she's gallivanting all around the world." "She and Tony have done okay, haven't they?" "Tony." "Things are moving right along with the benefit." "Ed's picking up the posters and the raffle tickets right now." "All those years ago, who ever thought we'd end up like this?" "We didn't end up like this." "I live in Florida." "And Rita said as soon as your hip mends, you can go home." "I can't wait for Rita to find out about old age." "Do you know what old age is?" "It's ourselves, writ large." "You want me to tell your future?" "My future already arrived." "What kind of an attitude is that?" "Give me your teacup." "Come on." " A twice-used tea bag." " It doesn't matter." "What do you see?" "You're going on a long trip." "Bunny, I've never been anyplace." "And I'm not going there." "Hush." "I'm getting something." "Bougainvillea." "Palm trees." "You lucky duck." "A sky so blue that it breaks your heart... with the sheer joy of being alive." "My heart broke a long time ago." "Helen, unless you get out and around, you're going to end up like that fellow." "That's Jesus displaying his heart." "There's entirely too much of that going on these days." "I'm going to get you some raffle tickets to sell." "Raffles?" "They're all rigged." "I never won anything except a pink plastic pig from the AP." "I wanted first prize." "A real ham." "That's the spirit, Helen." "There may be a ham right around the next corner." ""Win a vintage convertible." ""Do not need to be a churchgoer to win." ""Sponsored by the friends of Sr. Theresa. "" "Came out pretty nice?" "I've never done such a large rush order before." "Some of the best work I have ever seen, my friend." "I want you to send the bill to Tony Annunciata... the famous dancing impresario." "This is his favorite charity." "He will thank you for it." "As will the friends of Sr. Theresa." "You look like a man who belongs behind the wheel... of a Lincoln convertible." "How many raffle tickets can I put you down for, mon ami?" "How big an ad would you like to take out in our program?" "Well, I'll think about it..." "Look at me, Sis." "I'm not Fr." "Flanagan." "Taste this." "Isn't it just like Mom's?" "No." "It needs more garlic." "I mean, I can't stand it." "He treats me like his limo driver." "Dottie comes tomorrow." "She'll give you a nice shampoo." "Why didn't you shut the basement door?" " Theresa, he pawned your watch." " He meant to get it back." "It was the only thing you had from Dad." "I'll never forgive him for that." "That was years ago, Tony." "You know me." "That watch would've been long gone by now." "Ed just beat me to the punch." "I can't keep all the plates spinning here." "They're all dropping." " What are you talking about?" " You, Mom, Rita, the studio." "Shea's Theater's falling down." "Rita thinks it's a palace." "Why did you put Ed in charge?" "You didn't think I could handle the responsibility?" "What a thing to say." "You've always handled everything." "It's just that Ed needs this more than you do." "I know I mess everything up." "You're my big brother who's never messed anything up." "Maxed." "Maxed." "Maxed." "Don't call me Max." "You know I hate it when you call me Max." "We're out of the woods, Bunny baby." "Easy Me came home to Papa today." "It's amazing what those drugs can do." "600 smackeroos." "Put it away for the gas for our new Lincoln." "Eddie, I have a funny feeling about this scheme." "It just isn't going to work out the way we think." "Why don't we take the $600 and go home?" "Let's not go home just yet." "Okay." "What aren't you telling me?" "I rented out the house." " You did what?" " Short term." "How could you do such a thing?" "Have strangers tromping all over our things?" "There's not going to be tromping." "They're practically invalids." "It's our home." "It's non-negotiable." " It's sacred." " Honey." "Have I ever let you down?" "Theresa started us all off with 100 books each." "Twelve chances to a book." "$1 a chance or the whole book for $10." "Theresa slays me." "She's a saint." " I know the Pope will canonize her." " No, her mother was a saint." "How many times did she take me in when things were rough at home?" "If Mrs. Annunciata were here right now, I would kiss her feet." "And wring Theresa's neck." "I'll sell your raffle books with mine at the salon." " If I needed your help, I would ask for it." " Would you really?" "I'm dealing the graveyard shift up at Niagara Falls." "And your buddy, Norman Norman... bent over backwards to give me a good deal on a rental car... when I mentioned your name." "You must have his balls in a vise." "Stanley Stanley." " How long are you staying?" " Until you see me walk out the door." "But hell will freeze over, before I get involved with Theresa's holy moleys." " You ready?" " Yep." " Remember who gave you this, John?" " As a matter of actual fact, I do." "Four-Eyes, with her nose in the air." "My mother wore glasses." "I've always been partial to dames in specs." "Yeah." "Me, too." "You never saw me." "Ramona Annunciata." "Hi, Grandma." "How's your hip feeling?" "Got to go, Grandma." "I'll call you later." "Long time no see, Mac." "How's the world treating you?" "Can't complain, Ramona." "You're looking swell." "Got a little project for you." "Keep it under your hat, will you?" "Stay away from that little weasel." "He's been here for years." "That's Two-Digit Doyle." " I wasn't always like this." " Yeah." "Meaner than a monkey." "Always hogs the chaise lounge." "Great posters, Bunny." "Dottie's coming to do your hair, Helen." "She's just like you and Ed, Bunny." "You can depend on her." "What if you raise all that money and you can't find the people who own it?" "When we raise it, we'll know whom to give it to." ""Raise the money and they will come. " Just like that movie." "That was a dumb movie." "Time for your session, Mr. Doyle." " I wasn't always like this." " I know, dear." "I used to be Five-Digit Doyle!" " Here are your starter books." " Why would I want to sell raffle tickets?" " Can't even buy a ticket for myself." " Next time I come, I'll help you." "Your arm is like a piece of spaghetti on her back." "She needs to feel like you know what you're doing." "You said a mouthful there." "Okay, that's it for today." "Remember, I need your $50 entry fee for the contest." "Are you selling your spectator tickets to your friends and relatives?" " We're not going to enter." " We're really not doing very well." " In fact, we're thinking of stopping." " Are you crazy?" "Pardon me." "I insist you enter." "Did you bring your entry fee?" " It says you have to have a partner to enter." " What about somebody from work?" "They're all too young." "Church?" " We really must enter." " Okay." "Okay." "Great." "Listen." "Now, you two..." "We're never going to come up with $3,300." "This is insane." "The bank called about the mortgage again." "We need to be raising money for ourselves." "What do I do?" "I can't let Theresa down." " I promised Mom on her deathbed." " It's always your Mom or Theresa." "What about the promise you made to me?" "This dance contest is our last shot." "Don't worry, honey." "I'll figure out something." "What's this?" "Yeah." "Tony Annunciata here." "You sent me a bill for $475." "I never heard of you." "You heard of me?" "The dance impresario." "Yeah." "Really?" "I'll call you back." "I'll kill him." "Bunny." "Ed." " What the hell's this?" " Calma." "I merely had them send the bill in care of you." "This is where I'm stopping during my stay in Buffalo." "I don't even want to talk about this anymore." "I insist on reimbursing you immediately." "And, furthermore, I intend to get you cable." " Get out of my life!" " Shame on you!" "Your husband may not be his worst enemy, but he surely is in the top 10." "I could triple your business in a week." "In fact, I'll bet you a C-note on it." "You're on, big shot." " We don't have $100." " We will in a week." "Bunny's got an idea of how I can buy some raffle tickets." "That's nice." " Dottie, tell me the God's truth." " Natch." "Do you think I could ever win that Lincoln?" "You've got as much of a chance as anyone." " You really think so?" " With all my heart." "Could you do my nails today?" "Sure, hon." "You want to try a little polish, too?" "I thought Bunny's nails looked nice." " If I won that car, I could take a little trip." " Where would you go?" "I don't know." "Someplace warm." "I'd have to learn how to drive." "You think I'm too old to learn how to drive?" "I'm 72... and I'll be 73 next year." "How old will you be next year if you don't learn how to drive?" "I could stop on the way at gas stations, get a Coke out of those red machines." " The Vienna Boys' Choir." " Close." "The Buffalo Girls' Choir." " Aren't they heavenly?" " Yeah, like little angels." "Run along, girls." "Back!" "I just came by to drop off these flyers." "But, come to think of it..." "I could use your little hooligans." "Lenten special?" "Free dance lessons?" "Monsignor, you want to buy a raffle ticket for a vintage car?" "Okay." "Ballroom dancing requires discipline." "So let's form some orderly lines." "Here we go." "Good." "That's great." "Okay." "Now, close your eyes." "Close your eyes." "And when you hear the music... dance in your minds, until I can get this thing straightened out." "You've gone too far this time, Burns." "I'm calling the cops." "You did not win the bet!" "These people are all spongers, like you." "He says, forget the bet." "He'll take a 10% finder's fee... for anyone who signs up for dance lessons." "You are mooching off us." "You cannot ask us for anything." "You are going to the electric chair!" "Tony, if they sign up, we owe him something." "7%, that's it!" "Do you understand?" "He walked in at 3:20 right on the button." "Seven nights in a row?" "This is getting serious." "Did you find out his name yet?" "He knows how to gamble." "He knows how to drink." "He knows how to smoke." "There's got to be something wrong with this guy." "Time to hit the hay." "Oh, my gosh!" "I've got an 8:00 dye job." "And then I'm going to Sacred Heart." "Why don't you come with me on your day off?" " You can play cards with the residents." " I'll be sorry to miss that one." "Let me give you something to put on tonight." "Your lady fluid?" "I think not." " At least find out what his name is." " What, and tip my hand?" "I'd never dream of asking except for the contest." "I do a pretty good job... but I need to look great." "I need a pro." "I can't believe you jogged the whole way here." "Well, I'm in training." "I'll have to pay you later, okay?" "Don't tell Tony." "Get out of here." "I don't charge family." "You're doing me a favor." "I've got these terrific new products I've been dying to try out." "You come in every couple of days until the contest." "I know my hair looks like hell." "I'll be keeping strict accounts, and I swear to God, Dot..." "I'll make it up to you when my ship comes in." "Diamond necklace?" "Trip to Paris?" "You name it." " What do you covet?" " Nothing." "You're always doing things for everybody else." "I'm sure there's something you want." "I always thought..." " It's nothing." " What?" "I always thought I'd get married." "You know, someone to share the little things with." "It surprises me that it never happened." "God, Dot, we were so naive." "I thought if I could dance and marry Tony, everything would be happy-ever-after." "And now Ramona's always mad at me, and my ma is always mad at me... and Tony..." "We've got this one last chance and Tony's lost heart." "God, I never said that." "He knows we can win." "I'm sure he does." " So, you want to get breakfast?" " I don't eat breakfast." " So, you got a name?" " Mac." " Mac what?" " Mac Baker." " Does anyone ever call you "Bake"?" " Only you." "I don't eat breakfast, either." "Shall we go?" " That sounds like a romance novel." " No, that was like a movie." "I took his arm, we walked out of there." "I don't know what came over me, I would've gone anywhere with this guy." " So did you go to his place?" " We went to the zoo." "We rode around in the bus for three hours till the zoo opened." "Have you ever been to the snake house?" "You got to go." "I have been to a lot of snake houses." "Who would've thought that a hick town like this... would have a first-rate snake house?" " So, then you went to his place." " Then we went out for chicken wings." "You know, you can get mild, medium, or hot." "But if you get the hot ones..." "Bake says: "A firefighter is standing by. "" " And then did you go to his place?" " You know, I'm done talking about this now." " Hon, are you sexually active?" " No, I just lay there." "Keep your secrets." "I've got my own." "Your mother called again." "We sold our 100 books to the students." "I'm not buying raffle tickets from Ma." "Can't you buy just one?" "No. 'Cause if I buy one, she'll want me to buy three." "I buy three, she'll say, "Why not 10?" You can't give her an inch." "Raffle tickets are like lotto." "You're just throwing your money away." " What?" " I'm going to get you some coffee." "No." "I want to get some sleep tonight." "Tony, the turns are sloppy." "Every turn needs to be crisp." "I taught you that, damn it." "I tell you, I haven't seen turns that crisp since I left the Army." "Rita's got her heart set on winning." "She and Helen, two chips off the same block." "What'll it be?" "Home Box Office, Showtime, what?" "You really got a knack, Eddie." "Now we have cable... and in three weeks, we'll make the big score and go home." "Great turnout today, you guys." "Matthew, can you run to Jane's Electric and see if she can help us with the wiring?" "Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?" "Tammy, there's a tailor shop down on Delaware." "Could you run down and see if they can spare a little fabric for the chairs?" "Tell them I sent you." "Voilà." ""Grannies in need"?" "Whether you sell a raffle ticket or not, you ask for a donation." "At the end of the day, you dump out the can... and you buy yourself some raffle tickets." "Isn't that stealing?" "Aren't you a granny?" "Don't you need raffle tickets?" "Really, if you made more of an effort to keep up... you'd know it's called creative accounting." "Here you go." "This will be a nice place for you to sit." "Time for the Michelin Man to hit the road." "I used to have a coat like that." "I lost it at the Albright-Knox." "When I went back to find it, it was gone." "My stepdad said that I was lying, and he knocked me around." "Good riddance!" "Helen, where are you going?" "He won't buy raffle tickets." "He won't help grandmothers." "You make me sick to my stomach!" "I didn't used to be like this." " Macaroni and cheese for dinner." " Put it in my room." "I prefer not to dine with cheapskates!" "You were never anybody!" "I was somebody!" "You never were anybody!" "You're never going to be anybody!" "You're a cheapskate!" "You're a cheapskate!" "You're nobody!" " Don't you tell me!" " Good riddance!" " You're a cheapskate!" " I didn't used to be like this!" "Judas Priest!" "If I had fingers, you would've cut them off." "Mr. Doyle, have you ever heard of Johnny One-Note?" "Is he after me, too?" "I never did nothing wrong, Sister." "Look what they did to me." " It's all Marvin Marvin's fault." " Who is Marvin Marvin?" "Marvin Marvin is a puke and a scum and he can never do anything about it!" "Can you tell me what happened?" "I used to play the concertina like one of God's angels." "I used to sing like Bing Crosby." "When you say your prayers tonight, Sister, ask why God ruined my life." "I never did nothing to nobody." "I'd do anything for Sr. Theresa." "She's the only person that ever went to bat for me." "We also have a program for older people." "Like your granny." "Is your granny alive?" " Yes." " Bless her." "Our program helps grannies in need... who don't have a sweet grandson like you." "Okay." "There you go." "Okay?" "Be careful on the steps." "Helen Madden." "My first raffle ticket." "Helen's not in her room?" "Would you tell her granddaughter Ramona called again?" "Thanks." "Bye." "Mac?" "Ramona." "I had to go back over many years." "Nevada, New York, Illinois, Kentucky, Florida." "The list just goes on with no pattern at all." "The case just finally got shelved unsolved." "Hold on to your hat." "Wait till you hear where most of the bills turned up." "Thanks, Ramona." "You're the best." "So I found out what's wrong with Bake." "He's a Secret Service Agent." "Why do I always fall for cops and Marine sergeants?" "Could be your nature." "Could be your destiny." "Do you have to touch yourself all the time?" "It's driving me crazy." "Was I touching myself?" "I didn't even know that I was..." "Forget it." "I just..." "One, two, three." "Good, two, three." "One second, just one second." "Fine, two, three." " There you go." "Two, three." " How do you know this?" "One, two, three." "Look up, two, three, that's it, two, three... perfect, two, three, there we go." "Where have you been?" "I can't keep doing this by myself." " I'm teaching all the classes." " Ed's a judge in the waltz competition." "Mr. Annunciata, can we get a little help over here?" "I'm going to have a heart attack." "Did you hear what I just said?" "Ed's judging the waltz contest." " How can that be?" " Theresa appointed him." "Apparently, he's a qualified judge." "Do you know what this means?" "We're definitely not going to get any favoritism?" "It means Ed is going to feel at home." "There you go." "It's great." "Lordy, this is a wonderful charity." "We can franchise this." "These are the applications for the permits." " I thought you got rid of these." " Not to worry." "These people are oblivious." "These people are good people." "Don't tell me you're getting soft on me now, Bunny." "Of course not." "It's just that Theresa's depending on us so... and Helen thinks she has a chance to win the car." "I just think the whole thing is getting out of hand." "Thank you." "Listen, there's a special on TV tonight." "Siegfried  Roy." "That's Bunny's favorite." "I wonder if we could watch it on your console?" "I'll make popcorn." "What a day." "Come on, Tony, we can sleep in the basement." " You'll wake them up." " This is our house." "Don't lose focus, okay?" "We're going to take that championship." "You know, Rita..." "I don't know how much longer I can teach without any sleep." "It's only two more weeks." "When I was 16, you promised me we'd be champions." "Was I a fool to believe you?" "This is good." "What did you call it again?" "Beef on what?" "Weck." "Kümmelweck." "You can only get it in Buffalo." "Maybe Warsaw." "You ought to know that." " You grew up here." " Must have blocked it out." "You ever been married?" "Once or twice." "I forget." "No, I never got around to it." "You?" "No, not me." "My job doesn't leave room for one life." "Living alone is okay." "You can suit yourself." "Yeah." "You got a problem?" "What if the person of your dreams comes along... and turns out to be a crook?" "What kind of crook?" "That's the $64 question." "You always wear glasses?" "Not when I was born." "Now let me ask you a question." "You ever hear about a bunch of money disappearing from here years ago?" " Maybe a big heist?" " Why do you ask?" "I'm thinking about writing a crime novel." "I'll nose around." "Saint Christopher, Patron Saint of Travelers... take me on a long trip." "Just stopping by for a pickup, Mr. Stanley." "Where's your walker?" "I just gave it up for Lent." "Yeah?" "Hi, sweetie." "Here, I'll put your mother on." " Hi." " Do you know where Grandma is?" "I've been calling every day, she's always out." "I'm worried." "I came here, she's not in her room." "You might try worrying about your mother sometime." " This afternoon..." " You're always so self-absorbed." "Don't talk to me that way." " Ramona, what's wrong?" " Sometimes Mom makes me so mad... and then I feel guilty." " You and your mother are a lot alike." " I am nothing like my mother." "I've always felt akin to your mother." "Some people know their destiny from the time they're born." "I always knew I wanted to be a nun." "It didn't matter if I taught or nursed or scrubbed floors... as long as I was a nun." "Your mother is the same way." "She always felt she was born to dance." "She only cares about dancing." "She cares a whole lot about you, too." " Ramona!" " Grandma!" "Theresa!" "What a surprise to come home and find you here." " Isn't life grand?" " You look terrific." "I'm going to win a Lincoln." "Monsignor Dailey?" "I'm Agent Baker." "I need to ask you a couple of questions about Sr. Theresa." ""Friends of Sr. Theresa"?" "Are you doing this to feed all these people?" " No." "No, I can explain." " I hope so." "There's a Secret Service Agent waiting outside." "Now they're arresting Theresa!" "They're taking her away!" "Wait!" "We've got a problem." "Good afternoon, Mr. Baker." "My name is Edward Burns, sir." "I'm certain we can easily clean up this little matter." "Can it, Burns." "I've been conned by the best." " Patrick Burns." " Hello, dear." " Mother, where are you?" " We're in Buffalo... helping some old friends with a benefit." "Mother." "Patrick, dear, why are you always so suspicious?" "I think it's because you work with such lowlife." " You should meet some nice, normal people." " What are you really up to?" "Patrick, I'm telling you the God's truth." "Of course, there is one minor problem." "Your father's been arrested." " Don't let him say one word until I get there." " It'll be lovely to see you, dear." "These numbers don't add up." "Come to my office, Theresa." "For all these years..." "Mother has told me that age would temper your youthful impetuousness." "I can explain." "Agent Baker has released you into my custody." "Until this matter is straightened out... you're confined to the convent and to Sacred Heart." "You're not to take in any new boarders." "Sacred Heart is a convalescent home with health and insurance regulations." "It is not a homeless shelter." "These people have nowhere else to go." "It's one thing to give up your bed, and your clothes." "But there simply isn't enough food." "You can only slice a piece of bread in half so many times." "What about the loaves and fishes?" " I can't thank you enough." " Sister, I'm the one who's thankful." "You've got fish whenever you want." "What kind of bread did you bring us today?" "Inez, you're cleaning me out again tonight." "Quit your bellyaching." "You've got plenty to lose." "That's for sure." "So how did you make all your dough?" "Just being in the right place at the right time." "He was in the Laundromat business at the right time." " Shut up, Clifford." " What did I say?" "You may have been in the Laundromat business... but I'm taking you to the cleaners tonight." "So your friend, Herman Herman and his cretin brother-in-law... dropped a pile of money again last night at the club." "Stanley Stanley." "Okay." "You put the pea under the shell." "Really?" "Thanks." "So what's the deal between you two?" "He comes in every Wednesday at 3:00 for a haircut, manicure, and pedicure." "Yeah, he used to be in the Laundromat business." " So?" " Laundromat, Dottie." "Bake says a lot of dough gets laundered through vintage cars." "Pizza parlors, too." "Tada!" "I almost had it that time." "No, you didn't almost have it." "You are never going to almost have it because it isn't under the shell." "It never was, isn't, never will be." "It's in my hand." "I don't care about that." "I do it for the hope." "I just love that moment when I think, "This time I'm going to win. "" "Dottie, open your eyes." "Your pal Puddintane is mixed up in that money we got." "I'd stake my professional rep on it." "Agent Baker, I'm the attorney from the New Orleans bunko squad." " You fellows have quite a reputation." " I'm here about Edward Burns." "Now, he's a doozy." "Never been convicted, but he's got an arrest sheet a mile long." "Yeah, I know." "He's my dad." "I know the steps to that dance." "My old man was a doozy, too." "Listen, this benefit thing's a penny-ante scam." "Only reason I got involved... is because some kids crossed the border, sold some raffle tickets in Canada." "Big deal." "Probably wanted some maple sugar." "Look at this." "I can't find a thing." "You and your dad ought to be getting along." "I've got work to do." " Thanks for driving us, Dottie." " Sure." "Next week, at this time, we'll be riding in my car." "Jesus riding into Jerusalem on a donkey... couldn't have been any more happy than I'm going to be next week." "The Mirror Room." "I will if you will." "Here, let me get that." "You ready?" "Dad, I can't jump on a plane every other day... and get you out of jail." "That guy really had it in for me." "You're lucky it was Agent Baker." "All right." "Now, do we all have our stories straight?" "I went down there, got Theresa out, and voluntarily took the rap." "That is a ridiculous story." "Why would you ever voluntarily take a rap?" "Theresa put me in charge." "We're missing money." " I paid some bills." " What bills?" "I pay the bills." "I'll tell you later." "Patrick's waiting." "Hail, Hail The gang's all here" "Look who's come to visit." "Me son, Patrick." "The second most handsome man in the world." "I hear you're an attorney." "We used to call them lawyers." "I'll probably need a lawyer to check the title to my car." "Patrick." "Would you like to buy some raffle tickets?" "Ramona, get me my book of raffles." "You won't win, but it's a good cause." " Here you go, Grandma." " Thank you." "You're Patrick Burns?" "You're Ramona Annunciata?" "Look at you." "A librarian." "Imagine that." "You must really like to read." "Actually, I'm an information retrieval specialist." " For the Secret Service." " I just love to read." "In fact, I have a dozen library cards in different names." "It's a hard job remembering which ones have fines against them." "Son, help me out in the bar." "Tony, I hope you remembered to pick up the rum." "Ramona, you going to come... see your dad and me win the competition on Saturday?" "You've got a sprained ankle, Ma." "We're going to win." "What does that look mean?" " You've been going-to-win for years." " So?" "Rita, honey, it's over." "Let it be over." "If I thought it was over, I would kill myself." "You think we can win, don't you, Tony?" "Sweetheart." "It's never over till it's over." "Who's up for a mint julep?" " Have you had enough of this funhouse?" " You read my mind." "New York, Louisville, Chicago, Miami." "They all blur." "Wherever there was a horse track." "See, you got to see the whole country and forgot it." "I didn't forget ducking out of hotels at night." "You had adventure." "I never traveled anywhere." "Your parents made sure that you had a stable home." "So they cared about dancing." "Your parents are fun." "They don't take things so seriously." "They take everything that's not nailed down." "We go into a restaurant, my mother scoops the silver into her purse." ""Put that back," I say." ""They expect us to take it," she says." "I'm yelling, "They do not expect you to take the silverware!"" "Wait a minute." "Where did you say you lived?" "Come on." "I think I'd better show you something." "All right." " You get it?" " Yeah, I get it." "Counterfeit money just happened to surface wherever my folks were." "My folks, too." "Do you ever feel like you were the parents?" "Only since I was two." "You know, they have no retirement." "Not even social security." "Who's going to take care of them after I die?" "Come on, let's go pick up some pizza." "It'll take us a while to figure out how to get our parents out of this." "Great party." "Nothing like family." "It's time to turn in." "Tony, bring the car around at 9:00." "You know, Ed, you're a prince of a fellow." " That's spelled P-R-I-C-K." " Tony!" "You know, 9:00 is peachy keen with me... but I'm afraid you will have to sleep downstairs tonight." "My wife will be more comfortable in her own bed... and so will I. See you at 9:00." "Didn't know he had it in him." "Come on, pigeon." "We've been tossed out of better joints than this." "My bed." "I love my bed." "One good night's sleep here and I'll be ready to rehearse tomorrow." "No way." "You heard what the doctor said." " No weight on that ankle till Friday." " We need to practice, Tony." "If I got to lie on top of you, you'll stay here with your foot elevated." "Dottie will come twice a day, we're not going to suck up to Ed." "You won't fight with your mom or Ramona." "We got ice packs and vitamins... and I'll take care of you." "Friday we'll rehearse once... and Saturday night we'll give it our best shot." "It's our only chance, Rita." "You got to trust me on this one." "Could we go back to the part about you lying on top of me?" "I'd forgotten about how cozy it was down here." "You know, if Helen doesn't win that car, she'll die." "I mean, die, like drop over dead with a broken heart." "She thinks it's God's will." "Then she's got a big surprise coming." "That Lincoln's got our name on it." "This is Helen's only shot." "We've ridden in Lincolns before." "We'll ride in Lincolns again." "How about going for a little ride right now?" "And that's not a gun." "I may not be much to look at, but I started out with nothing." "Two washing machines and a broken-down dryer." "And I parlayed that into a used-car business." "You're a fine businessman." "You're in the Chamber of Commerce." "I may have changed my name." "But I'm still just a big lug who's ambidextrous at selling cars." "It's true I made a pile of money." "But I'd trade it all, to take care of a woman like you." "Take care of me?" "You're like a precious flower, Dottie." "Good morning." "Here, toss this into Theresa's kitty." "That's more than $1,000." "Taking money from Stanley Stanley is like taking money from a baby." "Inez, you are the most generous person in the whole world." "Forget it." "I was all wet about Stanley Stanley." "Look, Dottie, I was all wet about a lot of things." "Listen, I could go with you to Sacred Heart today... if you want me to." "That would make them so happy." "You want to play some gin rummy?" "Do you know what this is?" "A drill press operator ordering four beers." " Don't pout." "So what happened?" " What happened?" "A crime is what happened." "Can't you see what happened?" "Don't sing that song!" "That song ruined my life!" "Don't sing that song!" "Don't!" "A little help in here." "Somebody!" "If I had to play one more game of old maid..." "I don't know what she sees in these deadbeats." "Sr. Theresa!" "Yes?" " Can I stay here tonight?" " You can stay as long as you want to." "Wake up, Tony, we got a date with destiny." "Oh, God." "What bills?" "What bills did you pay?" "This and that." "$10,000 worth of this and that?" "You tell me the truth, mister." "Now, don't get mad." "Just hear me out." "Somebody gave me a tip and I borrowed against the house." "It's fine, Bunny, it's fine." "It was almost all paid off." "Then things got tight again, you know... and I rented out the house to make this month's payment." "And now with the money from the benefit..." "I've almost paid off the whole thing." "No, come on, now." "Don't cry." "Bunny, don't cry, please." "Sweet-pea." "Bunny." "Haven't I given you everything you've ever wanted?" "Come on." "I only asked you for two things our whole life." "You never even gave me those." "I bought the house." "I saved the money for Patrick's college." "I always loved you, Eddie... but you were never able to give anything to anybody else." "And that's not the worst part." "You lied to me." "You did everything behind my back." " I thought we were a team." " Don't." "Please, don't be mad at me, Bunny." "I'm not mad." "You just broke my heart." "Canceled?" "Violations, permits..." "What are they talking about?" "We've got the permits." "I gave the applications to Ed." "Monsignor Dailey, Detective Dubrinski." "Third Precinct." "I'm here to ask you a few questions about Sr. Theresa." "Sr. Theresa..." "I believe you know Detective Dubrinski." "Yes." "Her daughters sing in the choir." "They're lovely girls." "And highly motivated." "They've certainly shown plenty of initiative in selling raffle tickets." "Detective Dubrinski has brought to my attention... that her daughters appear to be candidates for scholarships... at our parish school." "Thank you, Detective." "We'll be in touch." "You're in the doghouse now, Sister." " I thought this nonsense was over." " I can explain." "You can't just go out and hold a raffle." "The Monsignor said himself:" ""Lent is the season to pay your debts. "" "I don't know what you're talking about." "But you're bringing scandal to this parish." "It's bad enough the cops keep showing up... but you're siphoning money off from the church." "If people buy your raffle tickets... they've nothing left over to put in the collection basket." "Have you any idea what it costs to heat the church in Buffalo winters?" "Look at this neighborhood, Theresa." "You're encouraging false hope." "I'm certain I'm doing the right thing." "People here need something more than a raffle ticket on some ridiculous car!" "Detective Dubrinski's canceling the benefit." "And she's willing to drop any charges if all the money is refunded." "But we can't cancel the benefit." "It's gone way beyond the money." "It's transforming people." "It's not false hope, it's real hope." "Detective Dubrinski..." "If you could just see them:" "Helen, Rita, the whole community." "This is a criminal matter, Theresa." "I forbid you to go ahead with any part of this benefit." "If you disobey me, I have no choice but to recommend... that you be removed from the convent... and released from your vows." "But this is too important, Monsignor." "So many people are involved." "It's up to you." "It's either them... or you." "It's up to you." "It's either them or you." "What about my car?" "Your car?" "What about the dance contest?" "They can't cancel the benefit." "Apparently we didn't get the proper permits." "Horseshit." "Excuse me, Sis." "Ed got the permits." "As much as it kills me to say this..." "Burns has handled this whole thing superbly." " Forget the permits." "Let's just pay the fines." " They're $5,000." " And Monsignor forbid me to..." " Ed, how much do we have?" "As of last count an hour ago, we were at $10,000." "There will be more coming in tomorrow night." "$10,000?" "There ought to be a lot more than that." " I had to pay all the bills." " Did you pay a few of your own?" "Never mind." "$10,000 minus $5,000 leaves you $15,000 short." "You're never going to make your goal." "I messed this all up." "Mother Superior said..." "Is Monsignor going to send you back to the tropics?" "They don't want me back in the tropics." "We have to have this benefit." "I am so proud of all of you." "I so appreciate all your hard work, all your coming together." "You couldn't have given more of yourselves." "It sounds like a swan song to me." "You're going to throw in the towel because we came up short?" "Don't you think that's being a little rigid?" "I always think I'm doing what God wants me to do... but I'm always causing problems for someone else." "I don't understand." "I seem to hear God's voice so clearly." "You hear your own voice, that's all, just like your mother." "God bless that woman." "She always knew the right thing to do." "Mama said we should give the money back." "I'll take care of the fines." "Theresa, don't worry about it." "We're going to make this benefit happen." "Dottie, let's go." "Three cheers for Inez!" "Hurray!" "Thank you so much." "Way to go!" "There's something wrong with Theresa." "I've never seen her like that." "She seemed sad." "I bet Monsignor put the screws to her." "How come you're not working tonight?" "I don't work on Good Friday or Yom Kippur." "You're religious?" "No, it's just a matter of respect, that's all." "Thanks for coming." "I like to watch a man loosen his tie." " Why is that?" " I don't know." "It just gives me pleasure." "There's not going to be a benefit tomorrow night." "No one applied for permits." "Nothing issued for a charity event, raffle, parking." "The permits are small potatoes." "But there's a fistful of fines for building violations." "The violations have been corrected, but the fines are outstanding." "So?" "Pay the city the fines and the show can go on." "Look, Baker, this benefit may seem rinky-dink to a guy like you... who's been around... but it means a lot to a lot of people, and Theresa's got her heart set on it, so... who's got $5,000 I can borrow?" "Only me." "But I don't lend money to friends." "It's an emergency." "I'll play you for it." "What are you going to put up for collateral?" "My dealer school." "Five card draw." "I would've figured you for stud." "I like to see a man lose his shirt." " It must be 100 degrees in here." " Seems cool to me." "I'll take care of the fines." "You know, Inez, there's something I want to tell you." "I like the way you act like you don't know me at the casino." "Yeah?" "Why's that?" "I don't know." "It's almost like we share a secret." "Like we know something nobody else knows." "It's almost like having an undercover partner." "Do we share a secret?" "What are you driving at?" "You passed counterfeit money." "Spare me the explanations, okay?" "I've heard them all." "I'm looking for a partner out in the open." "A dance partner?" "Cut for deal." "It must be 100 degrees in here." "Seems cool to me." "We need a new deck." "Dottie's lady fluid." "Sweet Jesus, it's only Shalimar." "I'm cooked." "I'd like to ask you a couple of questions about my sister, Theresa." "Try to look at it from my position." "No matter how good her intentions are, you just can't hold a fraudulent raffle." "I've got a cop pressuring me for scholarships for her kids... not to blow the whistle on us." "It's scandalous." "Speaking of fraudulent raffles... my dad used to tell a story about a famous car raffle... that took place in this very parish." "First year, they lost the raffle stubs." "Second year, Sr. Rose Xavier from Lima, Peru, won the car." "They were going to deliver it to her down there." "Third year, a priest won the car." "I believe his name was..." "I've done plenty of penance for those raffles." "If it hadn't been for them, I'd be a bishop now." "Maybe even a cardinal." "We're not interested in raffles, Monsignor." "We're interested in your plans for Sr. Theresa." "You say you're worried about scandal." "Let's talk about some counterfeit money... that surfaced in the poor box here a number of years ago." "Too bad they don't give a prize for the most raffle tickets sold." "I don't need a second prize." "Maybe I'll drive down and visit you and Ed in Florida." "We're not really sure of our future plans." "Ed and I may be going our separate ways." "You and Ed?" "You're Tom and Jerry." "You're Bonnie and Clyde." " You're Jekyll and Hyde..." " Helen." "Just in case something happens tonight, and you don't win..." "Don't you worry about that." "Rita's the one who needs a little luck." "Agent Baker." "All right, Ramona, thanks." "That'll come in handy." "Is that your siren?" "Don't touch that." "Detective Dubrinski." "Mac Baker, Secret Service." "This benefit thing is a lot bigger than you can imagine." " We're on top of it." " You can't muscle in on my jurisdiction." "Speaking of muscling, there's a crooked cop in this precinct... who's trying to shake down a priest for some scholarships." "Can you believe it?" "Do you have any idea how much parochial schools cost these days?" "I can see you're feeling more peaceful, Mr. Doyle." "I understand that something's wrong." "Is there something you want to tell me?" " I don't know what to say." " Say what you have to say." "I've always been a nobody." "You didn't used to be somebody?" "I was going to be somebody." "I was going to be set for life until Marvin Marvin ruined everything." "I was part of a counterfeit gang." "You never saw such a beautiful job." "Those bills were perfect." "I was driving the money." "The sun was shining, the sky was so blue... it would break your heart." "I was singing." "You know how good you sound in the shower?" "My singing sounded better than that." "My singing sounded better than Bing Crosby." " You were driving the money." " I was driving the money." "All of a sudden I heard the back door of the van flapping." "The money was gone." "It must have blown out." "The money blew out?" "See?" "Who would believe such a cockamamie tale?" "I swore on my mother, I begged..." "I pleaded." "They started cutting off my fingers, one by one." "They were even going to cut off my, pardon me, Sister... my man thing." " I was a dead man, but then the cops came." " Marvin Marvin cut off your fingers?" "No!" "Don't you understand?" "The van with the broken door!" "Marvin Marvin sold me that piece of junk!" "I see." " He ruined your life." " Yes." " You've been miserable ever since." " Yeah." " You have wallowed in the unfairness of life." " Yes." "You're consumed with rage." "You're strangling on your inability to forgive." "No." "You got it all wrong." "My whole life has been a lie." "I really was double-crossing them." "I was taking off with the money." "I was headed toward Miami, or maybe it was Mexico." "Someplace I could work on my tan." "God must have flung open that crappy door just to punish me." "You poor thing." "You have been living with too much Good Friday and not enough Easter Sunday." "You're not still mad at her...  for something she did when she was 15 years old." "We had plans for her." "You saw how good she was." "She could've been a movie star." "You look like a million bucks, honeybun." "What's the matter, partner?" "Cat got your tongue?" "I'd die without you, Gladys." "Please." "What can I do?" "I realize that by letting the benefit go on, I will have to leave the convent." "I don't understand why this is happening." "The money was counterfeit?" "I can't hear your voice." "For the first time in my life..." "I feel uncertain." "I feel... alone." "I know I've been confined to my quarters, but I feel I should be there tonight." "What should I do?" "Give me a sign." "Please." "Give me a sign." "Mr. Doyle!" "I've never seen you outside your room or the lounge." "I've been looking everyplace for you, Sister." "What can I do for you, Mr. Doyle?" "I'd like to go with you to the benefit tonight." "What do you think your chances are?" " I think they're good." " Really good." "We may have a shot." "We've been working really hard, practicing a lot." "Honey, it's beautiful." "Where did you get that stole?" "Found it at Party City when I went to rent Grandma's boa." "It was perfect, just like something you'd wear." "That's exactly where I rented mine." "Tony, where did we get such a beautiful daughter?" "Just like you." "Remember when you'd come to school and dance for all the kids?" "You were the most glamorous couple." "I was so proud of you then." "I'm just as proud tonight." "Break a leg, Mom." "Rita." "Honey." "Listen." "Tony has a point." "It's never over until it's over." "Your husband's a pretty smart guy." "Put this in your stocking." "For luck." "This is Jerry Orbach." "Welcome to the Grand Waltz Championship of the Niagara Frontier." "Please remember, when one of the judges taps you on the shoulder...  to exit the stage immediately." "We've seen some wonderful dancing here tonight, folks." "Thank you all for entering." "Please enjoy the gloriously restored Shea's Theater...  during our 15-minute intermission." "Isn't this wonderful?" "I haven't been out for years." "I can explain." "Theresa, I was going to suggest you join a cloister." " But this..." " This is a miracle." "I don't know how we'll handle the practicalities... but it's clear you have a gift that we need." "Monsignor, I'm Annie MacNamara." "Sr. Theresa saved my life when I was a baby." "She gave my mother $20 and I want to repay it with interest." "I want to set up an endowment... for the wonderful work you're doing at the Sacred Heart Home." "$100,000?" "This is totally unprofessional." "What's happened to me?" "Helen, somebody else, not her." "For crying out loud, Dad." " It's not what it looks like." " It's never what it looks like." "I know exactly what you're doing." "They're all going to have your name on them." "They all say Helen Madden." "Now, while our six finalist couples catch their breath..." "I want to know who out there brought their rabbit's foot tonight?" "I hope you brought your rabbit's foot." "So who's it going to be, who putt-putted here in a Ford today...  and is going to purr...  home in a Lincoln Continental?" "Rita's the one who needs a little luck." "And now to draw the winning ticket, it's my pleasure to introduce to you..." "Buffalo's own mayor, Tony Masiello!" "Thank you very much." " This is certainly the event of the year." " Wait!" "I have one more ticket." "Wait?" "Wait!" "Just in time." "Thank you, Your Honor." "Drum roll, please." "And the winner of the Lincoln is..." " I can't read this." " I can." "Now, now, Mr. Burns, we need an impartial reader." "How about one of our talented finalists?" "Good idea." "Would you do the honors?" "I forgot my reading glasses." " How are you?" " Great." "I recognize this writing." "And..." "What?" "Rita?" "Oh, Ma." "And the winner is..." "Helen Bridget Madden!" "I can't believe it!" "And now, ladies and gentlemen, by your applause...  you, the audience, will determine who will be the Grand Waltz Champions...  of the Niagara Frontier." "Are the finalists ready?" "I'm ready." "Are you ready?" "I've been ready all my life." "Maestro." "Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Couple Number 229." "Couple 106." "Couple 293." "Couple Number 318." "Couple 177." "Couple 254." "177!" "That's my daughter!" "And your choice for the winner of the Grand Waltz Championship is...  177!" "Folks, it seems pretty clear." "The winners are Couple Number 177!" "Tony and Rita Annunciata of Buffalo, New York." "My God!" "They won!" " Young love." " It's awfully nice." "Old love." "The best." "The Mayor's hired us to run his fund-raising campaign." "My teacher says you've got to hold your partner with a firm hand." "Something like this?" "We were a lot better than that couple who took fourth place." "I completely agree, sweetheart." "I haven't danced this much in years." "I won't be able to move tomorrow." "I'll give you a massage." "Dot, can I ask you again?" "This will be the seventh time!" " I know." "Will you marry me?" " Yes!" "This is going to be the biggest wedding this town has ever seen!" "Sis, this was your biggest success." "It did work out well, didn't it?" "Birds of a feather Always together" "We have everything" "Some like chatting or gallivanting" "With a millionaire or a king" "But I'm hobnobbing with my old friend Robin" "And singing the song of spring" "This is the best birthday I ever had." "I still don't get why we have to give back real money for counterfeit." "It doesn't matter that the money was counterfeit." "We all thought it was real." "These theological distinctions always elude me." "Let's go dancing." "How much of the money did you put in?" "All of it." " I hope you don't think less of me." " I'm going to give this one more try." "Now we don't have to give the money back." "Now we get a second chance." "We don't need another chance." "The money was meant to improve ourselves and others." "We've all done the first, and now it's time to do the second." "Okay, Helen, give it a little gas."