"[Do you remember the little town on the right bank of the Po...] [... more turbulent than the waters of the great river?" "]" "[Do you remember its warlike mayor...] [... who's always at odds with the priest?" "]" "[That kindly priest who spoke to the Christ above the high altar...] [... and who had such a persuasive way...] [... of preaching peace to his flock.]" "[Lt was just after the war and the hurricane of fire...] [... had left deep marks in things and in hearts.]" "[Hard times these, times of great argument.]" "[And Christ on the high altar had his work cut out...] [..." "looking after those who, having taken sides...] [... had no time to lose and thought about things after doing them.]" "[Many years have passed at the beginning of this new story...] [... and many things have changed.]" "...Eisenhower and the Soviet Premier had a friendly meeting and exchanged gifts." "Khrushchev's first day in the United States in the new climate of co-existence and détente..." "[Détente:" "A new word that hypnotized the world...] [... even, who would have thought it, the town of Don Camillo and Peppone.]" "[The fact is that, here, it was not so much things...] [... as the priest and the mayor who had changed three years before.]" "[Since that famous May 1st...] [... when 20% of the inhabitants ended up in Casualty.]" "[Then, finally, their superiors realized...] [... that Don Camillo and Peppone were men of too great a value...] [... and that they were wasted where they were.]" "[They had very important jobs waiting for them...] [... and, more particularly a long way away.]" "Honorable Senators!" "Fascists!" "You are responsible for the current situation!" "Fascists!" "Where were you when we were making Italy when we were in the mountains?" " At the seaside!" "[They lost sight of each other, and didn't meet again...] [... even though the distance between them remained much the same.]" "[But the fifty meters separating the priest and the mayor in a town...] [... become 500 kilometers in the capital...] [... when they separate a Communist senator from a Monsignor.]" "Well, well, well." "So..." "We agree about the plan of assistance." "For the audience with Santo Padre I shall do the impossible." "We will do our very best to obtain for you an audience with the Holy Father." "Obviously the way I said it, wasn't clear enough." "Thank you so much." "I'll report that to the committee and I'm sure that they'll be enthusiastic." " Alrait." " All right." "Your Eminence, if you will permit me." "You should improve your English a bit:" "It's essential." "I don't see why." "I don't believe Jesus Christ knew any English." "Excuse my saying so, Your Eminence, but you are not Our Lord Jesus Christ." "At least we agree on that." "Then why do you insist on tormenting me with all your criticism?" "Your Eminence, if I have taken the liberty sometimes to..." "I was joking, young man." "And after all that English, let's clean out our mouth with the perfume of this cigar." "[In those photographs of his town the sun was always shining...] [... but Don Camillo also saw it raining and hailing and snowing.]" "[Lt's a terrible thing for a Monsignor to feel homesick...] [... now he was a prisoner in a golden chair!" "]" "[Lf only he could go back for a day, even for an hour...]" "Your anti-acid, Your Eminence." "Do we have any other audiences, young man?" "No, Your Eminence." "We can continue with the correspondence." "Bearing in mind the problems of the laboring classes in Lucania I turn to you, dear Prince..." "I turn to you, dear Prince and am wondering..." "Come in!" "Good morning, Your Eminence." "Can you spare me five seconds?" "Of course." "Do sit down." "As you know, Your Eminence, my job is to look after provincial matters and I have in my hands a case that only you can help me solve given that the matter concerns a town which, if I'm not mistaken has the honor of having had you as its priest for many years." "You are not mistaken." "Go and post that letter, it's urgent." "Off you go." "But we haven't finished it yet, Your Eminence." "Then you will have to finish it yourself." "Tell the Prince that now we can't treat peasants like we did in the Middle Ages." "Well don't say that, but make him understand." "Mention his social duties, give him my blessing and amen." "Out!" "And now to us." "What the devil can be happening in my town for Rome to be interested?" "Apparently, just outside the town, at a place called Borghetto, there is some land belonging to the Town Council except for one tiny patch that belongs to the Parish where there is an old chapel." "Do you remember it?" "Of course I remember:" "The chapel of the Madonna at Borghetto." "Well?" "Last month the Town Council, in other words, the Communists decided to use it to build some council houses and the traitors went there and began to dig the foundations, and now..." "And now they have reached the chapel." "Exactly." "And thus the problem arose." "This is a premeditated gamble with the aim of political speculation." "Obviously, and His Holiness is sure that strings are being pulled in Rome." "Comrade!" "The boss is waiting for the report on the inquiry into United Steel." "Yes, yes, I'm finishing it!" "He should at least give me time to type it up!" "He has!" "You've been working on it for a week!" "It's more difficult to type a report than to fight a revolution, you know." "There, look what I've done:" "...I've put the carbon paper in the wrong way round again!" "At least you don't have to make three copies of revolutions!" " Yes?" " Bottazzi?" " Yes, I'm just finishing it." " Well, leave the report and come to my office." " I'm coming." "Comrade, consider before sending him." "He's not a man, he's a tornado." "Not the sort to be made a Senator at all." "But up there he has many followers." "And how could we defend ourselves from the chaos he caused as mayor without making him a senator?" "Promoveatur ut amoveatur, remember." "And then, what did the others do to rid themselves of the problems that damned priest caused them?" "They made him a Monsignor!" "Come in!" "Can I come in?" "Good morning, comrades." "Good morning." " Any news?" " Nothing in particular." "Listen." "Senator, do you know about the matter involving council houses in your town?" "Yes, the other day I sent a letter to our comrades on the Town Council." " Yes, indeed." "I have a copy of the masterpiece here." " Thank you." "What?" "We have the chance to pull off a marvelous bit of propaganda and even exploit it nationally and what do you do?" "You write to our comrades telling them not to be inflexible to close one eye, and stop the work." "No, I was merely adapting to the climate of détente..." "And just what do you think détente means?" "Dropping your pants in front of the priests?" "We offer détente, we do not subject ourselves to it." "And now listen to me." "Now, it's a complex situation." "The priest would like to avoid conflict but without playing into the others' hands so he has turned to us for help..." "Why you and not the bishop?" "He's a holy man, but saints aren't cut out for politics." "It's a matter of saving both the goats and the cabbages, do you see?" "I do." "To avoid the goat eating the cabbage or the cabbage choking the goat they have chosen you, who are not a saint who are cut out for politics, but knows nothing about the town." "Indeed, Your Eminence." "Before I leave, since I know nothing about the town or the people I have come here hoping that you can give me some hints, some suggestions." "Go in peace, my son." "And please forget all the stories they tell about those good people." "It's true, they're a bit wild, but they've a deep sense of humanity." "You just have to know how to deal with them." "And the person who's telling you knows them well." "Listen." "Feel here." "They beat me six times with a stick but, I swear, always with soft sticks and lots of affection." "They shot at me too, but only with a No.5 cartridge light shot, they use it for snipe." "If you handle them right, the worst that can happen to you is that they fire shot for hares, but never a sawn-off shot-gun, never." "What good people!" "It sounds like a terrible place!" "No, only the right bank of the Po." "But don't worry, my successor, Don Cesare has taken charge of my fire-arms." "In the barn in a green box you'll find a revolver, a machine-gun and some ammunition." " Here's the key." " But I..." "And if by any chance you're not used to using weapons use this, I brought it as a souvenir." "It's been tested." "No, thank you, Your Eminence." "Perhaps I'm not right for the job." "You know, I have heart problems." "Calm down, young man." "Calm down." "We're here to help you." "Are you sure you haven't forgotten anything?" "The invitation for the journalists, the text of the speech?" "Yes, it's all here in the bag." "Can I rely on you?" "Do you really think I will let myself be trapped by a country priest?" " Keep me informed." " Yes, of course." "Send reports, Bottazzi." "And remember:" "One point at a time!" " And, for Pete's sake don't hide anything from me!" " I won't." "Nothing, eh?" "Not one thing!" "[But Peppone already had something to hide before he left.]" "[His proletariat conscience was pricking him a little...] [... but his actions had nothing to do with politics...] [... although they did involve a certain problem of class.]" " Controller, is there a cabin for me, a single?" " Let's see, sir." "Well do me a favor, go and collect my case." "It's in the Senators' Compartment, on the rack, it's yellow." "Thanks." "Thank you." "Not at all sir, do go in." " In here?" " This is your bunk, sir." "Actually I'd have preferred a single, but if it's the only one, it will do." " Here, your hat." " Thanks." "What time does the train reach Parma?" "At 6:39." "I'll be sure to wake you up in time." " Yes, thanks." " Goodnight." " Goodnight." " Do you want coffee in the morning?" " Yes, thanks, and the Unità." "Very well, sleep well." "Don Camillo!" "Don Camillo!" "Peppone!" "Well what a coincidence, bumping into each other like this!" " After more than three years." " And on the same train, too!" "On the same evening too!" "Well, I'm getting undressed." "So, where are you going, on holiday?" "Priests don't get any holidays." "Do you remember my Aunt Cecilia, who wanted to live to be a hundred?" "Yes." "Well, she's changed her mind, she prefers to stop at ninety-eight and before she goes she's asked to see me and that's where I'm going." " Oh?" " Er, yes." "She's in Parma, in a clinic." "And yourself, dear Senator, are you going to visit your family?" "I bet the senator's wife isn't used to life in the capital." "Someone like her, from the country, must find Rome very noisy." "No, my wife and the younger boy live with me in Rome." "The older boy has stayed at home and looks after the workshop." "Of course, Walter, a good lad." "But every now and again it's a good idea if the old pilot goes back to check up on the route." "Of course, it's quite a journey from Rome to our town but what wouldn't a father do for his son?" "Do you intend to stay long?" "I'm not going that far." "I'm getting off at Reggio Emilia." "A little problem to sort out." "You know, all the problems end up in Rome." "In fact, I must tell the controller to wake me up in time." "Don't worry, I'll wake you up, I can never get to sleep in a sleeper:" "...diddly-dum, diddly-dum, diddly-dum." "It's getting on my nerves." "Actually it doesn't bother me at all." "I want to switch the light off." "Feel free!" "Make yourself at home." "Now then." "It's the switch on the right." "I know." "It's not the first time I've traveled in a sleeper." "Of course, I'm used to traveling in a single cabin." "Poor Senator!" "How will you manage?" "Heaven knows how you must feel now!" "Like someone who's had a priest giving him a hard time for ten years and is forced to travel with a Monsignor up on the top bunk." " Goodnight." " Goodnight." "[Peppone got off at Reggio Emilia...] [... having been woken rather too early by Don Camillo...] [... who was happy to be rid of his traveling companion.]" "[Don Camillo got off at Parma...] [... but did not go to see his aunt who was actually very well indeed.]" "[He got onto the little train that links the city to his home town.]" "[Dawn was breaking and, despite not having slept a wink...] [..." "Don Camillo felt restored.]" "[He might have lost a night's sleep, but he was back in his old world.]" "And he was supposed to have got off at Reggio Emilia!" "What a liar!" "Brescello!" " Here's Don Camillo!" " That's who they were waiting for." " Welcome back, Your Eminence." " Thank you." " Good morning, Mr. Mayor!" " 'Morning!" "The senator won't be long, he's coming by private transport." "He's been held up by important party matters." "Actually we weren't expecting any senator." "That's a pity because, coincidentally, here's one now!" "They were worried." "Is your aunt in Parma no longer ill?" "She wasn't there, she was in Reggio looking after a small problem at the Communist Party headquarters." "Let's go." " Boss, how are you?" " Well, and you?" "Are you all well?" "How's work?" "Let's let them get ahead." "We can walk along together, Senator." "What are you afraid of?" "We are in full-scale détente." "But of course." "Come on, let's go." " TO WN HALL " "I hope to see you again soon, Your Eminence." "I hope so too, Senator." "Keep well and enjoy your stay." " SERIES OF CONFERENCES ABOUT DÉTENTE " "Just one question before you go:" "Have you already publicly renounced building on the land at Borghetto?" "No." "The priest was supposed to come to talk about it this very morning." "Well, that's all right then." "But wrote to us not to be inflexible because of détente." "Oh comrades, I write one thing and you understand the exact opposite!" "Do you think détente means dropping your pants in front of the priests?" "Come on, let's not waste time." "Every minute is precious." "And now, my children, to work." " We'll drop in later to report on progress." "Goodbye." " Very well." " We'll see to everything." " Don't worry, Your Eminence!" "Good morning!" "Don Cesare, is something the matter?" "Forgive me, but wouldn't it have been simpler to solve the problem without complicating matters by discussing them in public?" "In politics we are often forced to complicate things to simplify them." "Your Eminence, I don't understand." "You're tired." "Why don't you go home and rest for a day or so?" "Stay there until we send for you." "I cannot go, Your Eminence." "I want to help." "Obey, my son, and leave me alone now." "I have something important to do." " As you wish, Your Eminence." " Have a good journey." "Well!" "Look who's here!" "Don Camillo!" "Lost your tongue?" "Lord, how many times I have called you in these three years and you have never answered." "And now here is Your voice again." "God is closer here than in Rome." "Don Camillo, God is always at the same distance." "Here I seem closer because here you are closer to yourself." "Well, haven't you anything to tell me after all this time?" "You know, I've become quite important." "They've made me a Monsignor." "Too little, after all you've been through." "I hear you were beaten six times that they shot at you with a rifle." "Why didn't you ever tell me?" "Perhaps I didn't tell you because it wasn't true." "A Monsignor who tells lies?" "Is this possible?" "Lord, I longed to see you again." "And longed to get into trouble again." "Oh no, Jesus, really." "On the contrary." "What does on the contrary mean?" "That I am here to avoid trouble." "Look after yourself, Don Camillo!" "Tomorrow at dawn we shall cover the town in posters." "In the afternoon we'll hold a huge meeting and invite the Press we'll nail the Monsignor to the wall and, if necessary, all th..." "Back to beatings and fisticuffs!" "Then I must be speaking Greek!" "No more beatings or fisticuffs!" "Only shocked incredulity at the incomprehension of the clergy who refuse to give us four miserable meters of land to build houses for the people and for the poor, in particular." "The town should know and must decide!" "Who is it?" "Boss, the priest's gangs are sticking up these." "Look, boys!" "How on earth?" "How come he's already had posters printed?" "He didn't." "He brought them with him!" "Look:" "De Picci Printers, Rome." "That explains his old ailing aunt!" "He was a bastard as a priest, he's even worse now he's a Monsignor!" "It doesn't matter, this way we save on having posters printed." "Come on, let's hurry!" "We've lots to do." "There are hundreds of them!" "They've posted them all over the town!" "They don't stop at half measures, that lot!" "Dad!" " Dad!" " Walter!" "How are you?" " Sorry I didn't come straight home to say hello." " It doesn't matter." "Your Mum's well and sends her love..." "Who's that little girl?" "She's not a little girl." "She's already eighteen." "It's Rosetta, Grotti's daughter." "You know, we want to get married." " What?" "You want to get married at nineteen?" " I'm nearly twenty." "I must be old enough because you were the same age." "Yes, but it was different then." "Well, we'll talk about this later." "[And here is the chapel of discord.]" "[His Eminence had decided to hold the meeting there...] [... to remain in close contact with reality.]" "[Peppone and his comrades had accepted the invitation...] [... and were ready for battle.]" "[As they awaited the official speaker, who didn't show up...] [..." "Don Camillo asked to say a few words...] [... so that there would be no misunderstandings.]" "Please do." "Brothers!" "Jesus came down to earth to rid humanity of its sins to suffer, the Son of God, like a simple mortal." "That's why he chose to be born not a bourgeois, but a proletariat." "Because only by working and sweating could he know true suffering." "Your Eminence, you're cheating." "We're the Communists." "Christianity is a democratic religion based on work." "Brothers, remember the night of Christmas and how Mary and Joseph had to look for somewhere to stay." "Since then two thousand years have passed but how many sons of workers still come into the world into homes even worse than the stable in Bethlehem?" "Gentlemen of the Council, you need the land of the church to give the poor a roof over their heads." "Well then, the church gives you this land, with all its heart!" "On condition, of course, that the houses you will build do not only benefit your own poor people because there are not two categories of poor people!" "We can't talk about the poor of the Council and the Parish!" "All poor people are equal!" "And so, according to Article 4:" "Of the sixteen apartments eight will be offered to families proposed by the Council and eight to families proposed by the Parish." "This is the deed of donation already signed by the Curia only the mayor's signature is missing." "Eight apartments?" "You're quite mad!" "I wouldn't dream of signing!" "The Municipal Council accepts our proposal!" "Sign!" " Is that all?" " Senator, why did you send for us?" "We demand an explanation!" "I was wondering that too." "Why did you invite the Press for such a simple little matter?" "The people don't like a lot of fuss!" "Well don't cause a fuss then!" "Bagò, proceed!" "What?" "Go on, to work!" "No, I'm not going to knock it down." "Call someone else." "This sentimentalism is unworthy of an old comrade!" "Try some young people!" "Come on, you do it!" "There's no need to knock it down." "We can put a cable round it, and lift it up with a crane and set it down somewhere else." "No, it's not possible!" "But why is it so difficult to move a few bricks when in Russia they can move five-storey blocks effortlessly?" "In Russia they move blocks of flats, not Madonnas!" "He's right!" "The niche is full of cracks and the walls is made of stones and pebbles." "If we put a cable round it it will fall to pieces!" "So what are we going to do?" "Give up on the council houses?" "Not likely!" "Why do we have to do this?" "To let you accuse us of demolishing Madonnas with picks?" "Why, Senator?" "Now this belongs to you." "We've given it to you." "It's the land we need." "You must give it to us ready to build on!" "You're the experts on Madonnas and saints!" "We have never called you to knock down statues of Stalin and Lenin with picks!" "We would have come if you'd asked us." "Reverend!" "You'd better clear this land unless you want a revolution in this town!" "Peppone, I'm not going to lay a hand on that Madonna." "She's been there since I was a child!" "My mother prayed in front of her and so did yours!" "Listen!" "I'm not from here!" "If you want, I'll do it!" "I'll fix a cable to it and pull it all down." "Yes, good idea!" "Move the truck forward!" "Come on!" "Come and lend a hand!" "Stay calm!" "Stand back, don't pull!" " Where's the cable?" " Here." " Come on, tie it on." "Back!" "Stand back!" "We have permission from the Curia!" "Did you hear what His Eminence said?" "Take it over there." "Come on!" "The wall, come on!" "Hold tight!" "Well, what do you want?" "The council houses are yours too!" "It's in everybody's interest!" " We don't want them!" " Then don't have them!" "Get a move on!" "Stand back from the truck!" "Do you want us to run you over?" "It's Desolina!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "She's all we need!" "Murderers!" "She's been coming here for seventeen years to bring flowers." "She prays for her son who never came home after the war." "Ave Maria..." "Desolina!" "Desolina, please!" "Leave her alone!" "She won't even turn round!" "Desolina!" "Everybody stop!" "I'll throttle the first one to move!" "We have the permission of the Curia!" "Desolina, be reasonable." "We've got to build council houses for the poor." "The bishop has given us the land." "Come on..." "What do we do now?" "We can't pull out now:" "The Press and photographers are here!" "You, hold back the people!" "You, pay attention!" "Get ready!" "Excuse me, Desolina, if I take a bit of a liberty." "Go!" " Thank you, Lord!" " Thank you, Madonna." "Get down on your knees you!" "Thanks again." "[That night Peppone didn't sleep a wink.]" "[Then, finally, at dawn he had an idea.]" "[The next day he perfected it with the architect and the builder.]" " FINAL PLAN " "[At sunset the masterly solution which would save goats and cabbages alike...] [... was put up for the public to see.]" "Your Eminence!" "Senator!" "Congratulations on your plan." "It's an excellent solution." "Your stay in Rome has obviously augmented your intelligence." " Yes, well, I..." "Very kind." "However, now there are only fifteen apartments and seeing as we..." " Don't worry, Senator as far as we are concerned there are sixteen apartments one of which is occupied by Someone we approve of." "[In all, it was a very unusual event.]" "[Lt was mentioned in the Press and the news spread far and wide.]" "Communist Senator cuts corners, a moral victory." "The Right splits its sides laughing with a moral victory!" "The task we entrusted you with..." "I could hardly pit myself against an army of old women!" "Of course not, comrade." "Leave it to me." "Very well, but I also have my business to attend to." "If you will excuse me..." "Well, they may not interest the Party, but they interest me!" "Come off it, I was already a Communist when you were still a Balilla." "I don't need lessons from anybody!" "Very well, do as you please!" " Have you heard the news?" " No, Dad." "Well, I have." "I hear you want to get married in church thus completely ruining my reputation!" "I'll knock y..." "Dad, it's not for myself." "It's for Rosetta." "She's made herself a white dress." "She can wear it in the Town Hall, no-one will stop her!" "But she wants organ music!" "We'll get an accordion!" "Either you marry at the Town Hall or no deal!" "You're still under age, you need my permission!" "We also need her father's permission!" "He's a church-going man, he would never let her!" " Is this true?" " Yes." "Grotti?" "Well, leave him to me." "Off you go now, persuade your fiancée." "[Having ruined his reputation in public affairs...] [... the Senator had to try to do better in sorting out his private affairs.]" "[So he gave the news the highest possible profile.]" "[He didn't worry about Don Camillo.]" "[He knew that he'd be leaving on the 11:23 express.]" "A civic wedding?" "The first one ever celebrated in my Parish!" "Lord, I shall reduce him to pulp!" "Hello?" "Is that Rome?" "It is, my son." "Everything's fine." "Reassure the cardinal that I'm on the point of returning." "Tomorrow I'll phone telling you when I'm arriving." "See you soon, my son." "A civic wedding!" "Stop it!" "In the end I didn't commit myself!" "I just told him to let me think about it." "You should have told him that the answer was definitely "No"!" "As I see it, he may be a Senator, but he's still an excommunicated atheist." "Judas!" "Judas!" "How dare you make your daughter the shame of the town for a few lire?" "I haven't yet said yes or no." "He'll say yes." "They've promised him a job sweeping the streets." "I'm a poor, penniless laborer and one of my legs is no good any more." "I can't do heavy work any more, but I've got to live somehow." "You'll have to die eventually and up there Peppone has no influence." "You're promising me a job up there, Peppone a job with the Council." "A petrol pump!" "I'll get one for you in five days." "Do you agree?" "Yes, but Peppone is sending me the contract tomorrow, and you..." " Give me five days!" " May God's will be done." "And don't involve God in this job racket!" "However, Your Eminence, we agree:" "You..." "You'd better keep your word!" "Five days!" "Stop crying, Don Camillo has promised." "[Don Camillo set to work:" "He telephoned, he sent telegrams...] [... he sent ordinary and express letters.]" "[The next day, when Peppone went round to Grotti's house...] [... to deliver the contract, he was in for a nasty surprise.]" " There's no-one here!" " Where are they?" " In Ferrara." " I see." "Thanks!" "[And another nasty surprise awaited him when he got home.]" "You've done everything behind my back hoping I won't find out." "You hoped to present me with a fait accompli." "Well, it won't work." "You'll get married just like we did!" "You will get married exactly as I decided!" "You didn't decide anything!" "Your bosses decided for you!" "And since they think marriage is a joke they think it must become a joke for other people too!" "So, to begin with, they want to get rid of our Lord God!" "No." "The Lord God isn't any bother at all we must get rid of those priests!" "And you defend him!" "I don't defend priests!" "Defend marriage then!" "And I shall never, in order to make the priest a laughing stock allow my son to become a public concubine!" "The result of damn Church propaganda!" "[Five days had passed...] [... the license for the petrol pump had not arrived...] [... and Grotti had informed Don Camillo...] [... that he would wait until midnight at the latest.]" "[Don Camillo felt defeated.]" "[Having waited anxiously all morning, but in vain...] [... to avoid exploding, he felt he needed...] [... to relax his nerves a little by going for a walk.]" "[But it was a very hot day.]" "[The river just a stone's throw away promised cooling refreshment.]" "[Don Camillo was not a saint.]" "[However he had never been any good at resisting temptation.]" "[And so, to stop himself from exploding...]" "Lord, who can possibly see me?" "Everyone's asleep at this hour." "Even the devil." "[The devil may have been asleep, but someone else was wide awake.]" "#Volare!" "Oh-oh!" "La la la, la la la la... #" "Boss, it's been confirmed." "Don Camillo has promised him a petrol pump." "That rascal, he's tricked us!" "We can't offer him anything better!" "What if we offer him the job of usher?" "A job he can do sitting down?" "Whether he's sitting or standing, it's still not a petrol pump!" "It may never happen, the license hasn't arrived yet." "If it doesn't come by this evening we'll contact Grotti and hey presto." "We must do something, we can't just hang around waiting." "Don't worry, we have the situation under control." "The vicarage and Grotti's house are both under surveillance." "Smilzo has a direct line to the post-van..." " Boss!" " Here it is!" "I've just come from the post-office." "A registered express has just come." " Are you sure?" " Absolutely sure." "Headed envelope, I checked the postmark." " He's done it again." " Not necessarily, boss." "We just have to prevent the letter from reaching him by this evening." "You can't stop a registered express letter." "And anyway the post-office is on the priest's side." " Then we'll have to stop the priest." " Some hope of stopping him." "Boss!" "Comrades!" " Look what I've got here." " What is this rubbish?" "I've put the priest out of action." "He's stuck in the river in his underwear." "Until I take these back to him he won't move!" "Mark my word!" "A brilliant move!" "Well done!" "Keep him in the water another hour and we've done it!" "Smilzo, go and find Grotti, he must be hiding in his house!" "Tell him that Don Camillo hasn't got him the petrol pump and has gone back to Rome because he was ashamed to admit it!" "Tell him I'll offer him a job as chief usher at the Town Hall!" "Bring him here with the permit signed." "Off you go!" "Walter!" "Go to see the girl, dress her in white and bring her to the Town Hall!" "Let's go!" "See you all at the Town Hall in half-an-hour!" "Walter!" "But what can I do, Mum?" "But where are my clothes?" "They've pinched my clothes!" "I don't believe it!" "Oh, St. Anthony!" "Stranded nude in the desert!" "Help me!" "Jesus, I feel ashamed to talk to you in my underwear but they've stolen all my clothes." "When they nailed me up on the cross I was wearing less than you are." "Times have changed, Lord." "You know everything, tell me who did it." "Are you asking me to spy on people, Don Camillo?" "Oh all right, in any case, one day I'll find out who did it." "Lord, give me some advice, what would you do in my position?" "I'd swim across the river, to the little church by the jetty and ask Don Rigato to lend me a cassock." "What you say is fine, because you can walk on water but I 'm not a strong swimmer." "However, if you assure me that, with a short stop on the little island, I can do it..." "Let's try, Don Camillo!" "Right, I'm off!" "Gently does it, Don Camillo!" "Take your time!" "You're old, you get out of breath." "That's it, continue like that." "Don Camillo!" "Don Camillo!" "Don Camillo!" "Over here!" "Don Camillo!" " Who is it?" " It's me!" "The senator's wife!" "What do you want?" "I've got your clothes in this bundle!" "Do you want them?" "It depends on the price!" "Don't ask me how or where I got them, just help me!" "I won't accept blackmail of any kind!" "No, Reverend!" "Wait!" "But where are you going?" "To the other side to get some clothes!" "But you're mad!" "You'll never do it!" "You'll be swept away by the current!" "Quite right too!" "Then someone I know will get the blame!" "No, it wasn't my husband, I swear!" "He had nothing to do with it!" " Don Camillo, turn back!" " No!" "Look, I'll leave your things here!" "I didn't intend to blackmail you I did it for Walter!" "His father's insisting on a civic wedding!" " What?" " Yes!" "Start reading from the code!" "I can't marry them without her father's permission!" "He'll be here at any moment!" "Smilzo is looking for him!" " Where the devil is he hiding?" " I don't know." "This morning he was at the baker's, but when Smilzo got there, he'd gone." " Perhaps he got too hot." " I'll give him a cold shower!" "So, are you going to begin or not?" "Listen to the duties of a husband and wife." "I'll read Articles 143, 144, and 145 of Volume 1 of the Civil Code." "Article 143." "Marriage imposes on both husband and wife the duty of living together, being loyal to each other and looking after each other." "The husband is the head of the family and the wife follows the civic conditions of her husband she takes his surname and must accompany him wherever he sees fit to establish his residence." "Article one hundr..." " What's happening?" " Don Camillo's had an accident down by the river!" "What do you mean?" "What's happened?" "He wanted to swim across the river, heaven knows why." " He'd lost his clothes!" " So?" "He's not been seen since." "He's vanished!" "Don Camillo has drowned in the river!" "Call the fire brigade!" "Everyone down to the river!" "Ring the bells!" "Search from the large bank as far as the bridge of boats!" " Mum!" " Walter, you go straight home, now!" "And you too, that way I can get to know you a little." "Hold those torches down low, will you?" "Excuse me!" "Has there been an accident?" "Has someone drowned?" " Don Camillo!" " It's him!" "He's alive!" "What are you fishing for?" "Don Camillo?" " Look!" "The Senator!" " It's you, Don Camillo!" "No, my ghost." "While I was drowning a letter arrived for me." "Your civic wedding will not take place!" "No, it's the religious wedding that won't take place!" "Walter's under age." " Ha!" "Ha!" " Ha!" "Ha!" "[And so the sort of new edition of "The Betrothed"...] [... seemed to be ending like this, with neither winners nor losers.]" "[However, Don Camillo was satisfied.]" "[He had succeeded in avoiding the crime of a civic ceremony.]" "[Now he could safely leave.]" "[But Man proposes and God disposes.]" "Come in!" "What do you want, my children?" "Your Eminence, I've tried again to persuade my father but it's hopeless." "He won't give his consent." "It's not the end of the world." "When you're old enough you can get married." "Your Eminence, we can't wait." "We must get married straight away." "So that's the problem!" "And you come and confess to me?" "Who are we supposed to tell, the vet?" "Her parents and my parents don't know and they mustn't find out either." "Rather than put up with the humiliation I'll throw myself in front of the train!" "And if she does, so will I!" "But naturally." "Don't talk such nonsense!" "It's not nonsense!" "What can we do if they won't let us marry in the church or the Town Hall?" "I..." "Hello?" "Yes, miss, hand him over!" "Hello, Don Cesare?" "Yes, I decided to call you." "It's to tell you to stay where you are and not to move." "For a few more days." "Rome can wait." "Good-bye." "Lord, bestow your merciful glance upon us." "All three of us are in your hands." "All four of us." "Almost." "I beg your pardon, Lord." "All four of us." "[Don Camillo had placed himself in the Lord's hands.]" "[First of all he had asked Him humbly...] [... to speed up Peppone's return to Rome as much as possible.]" "[He wanted a free hand to settle the problem of the two youngsters.]" "[But could the Lord give a free hand to someone like Don Camillo?" "]" "Jesus!" "He's found out that I'm staying and now he's not leaving either." "And as an excuse for Rome do you know what he's done?" "He's reported sick in order to get a medical certificate." "But it's not certain yet, because the doctor isn't easily fooled." "Especially if someone tells him to be on his guard." "But you got a real certificate, didn't you?" "You're stuck here with lumbago, aren't you?" "Yes, it must be something of the sort." "After two hours in the river, Jesus." "It starts hurting here and goes right down to here..." "It really hurts!" "But wasn't it your right leg?" "Oh, sorry, Lord." "[Senator Bottazzi had reported sick...] [... in the most undignified sense of the word.]" "[He had dug out all his memories of when he did military service...] [... and all the old tricks for making his temperature rise...] [... tobacco under the armpit and a cup of boiling hot broth...] [... on his bedside table ready to dip the thermometer into.]" "[But Doctor Galluzzi had also been a soldier.]" "Give it to me." "No, not there." " No, not here either." " Why?" " Because I say so." "I had a pain here, so I put a hot-water bott..." "Open your mouth!" " Aaaah." " Wider." " Aaaaaaah." " Under your tongue." "Good, like that." "It's Swiss you know." "It doesn't measure political fever." "If you've got a temperature, there's no problem." "Otherwise..." "I've worked here for thirty years." "I nursed you when you caught mumps so you ought to know me quite well." "However, I'll refresh your memories:" "...I do not issue certificates under false pretenses." "Is that clear?" "What are you doing?" "Here's another one of your unreliable friends." "But who do they think they're kidding?" " But who are you talking about?" " It must be one of your comrades." "He's won ten million lire on the football pools." "Someone from this town?" "He would like to make everyone believe that he's from another town." "Obviously, otherwise he'd have to give a slice of the cake to the Party." "How come you're so sure that it's one of our comrades?" "The coupon was handed in at Mengo's bar." "No-one goes in there for a coffee unless they're a Communist." "But what if it really is someone from another town, as it says here?" "Look how he signed the coupon!" "Pepito Sbazzeguti." "Even if they showed me their passport I don't believe anyone would call himself Pepito Sbazzeguti!" "If that's how things stand we'd better start making inquiries straight away." " What do you think, boss?" " We must find this guy and teach him a lesson!" " And make him cough up a few million!" " Dead right, boss!" "Don't you agree?" "Let's see this temperature." "I don't think Pepito Sbazzeguti even exists!" " Good gracious!" "39.1°!" " 39.1°?" "Pepipipipito." "Pepipipipitosbabazzeguti." " Boss!" " You're shaking like a leaf!" " Boss!" "[The news about the huge win on the football pools...] [... immediately aroused everybody's interest.]" "[The mystery of millionaire comrade Pepito Sbazzeguti...] [... filled the minds of the populace.]" "[Don Camillo alone was not infected with gold fever.]" "[He was much more interested in Peppone's temperature.]" "Well then, how's it going?" "Temperature still up at 40°?" "It's going down: 37.8°." "It's still a good temperature." "We must take advantage of his weakness." "Why?" "Have you got an idea?" "A plan of some kind?" "Not yet." "Be patient!" "Patient?" "Rosetta's stopped eating, I'm not sleeping any more." "If you'd been more patient before now you wouldn't be in this mess." "At least try to keep up the pressure on your father." "Anyway it's hopeless, Don Camillo." "There's nothing we can do." "Nothing you can do." "You've done everything you can." "And, after all, you know him better than me:" "He's so stubborn!" "He'd rather shoot himself than give in." "To console me he's given me the workshop." "Now it's in my name." " He's removed his name." " His name..." "And he's had my name put over the door, in neon lighting." "But without Rosetta, what do I care about the workshop?" "Your Eminence, what are you doing?" "Can't you see you're getting dirty?" " Your Eminence!" " Goodbye." "See you later." "The priest is here." "He wants to speak to you." "I don't need any damned priests." "Tell him to go to the devil!" "Tell him yourself." " He's just coming, Reverend!" " Your Eminence, if you don't mind." "I'm sorry." "I wanted to thank you again for the other evening." "Please don't mention it, Madam." "Don't you worry." "You can thank me for everything later." "We'll put everything on one bill." " Good morning, my dear Senator!" " Good morning, Your Eminence!" " What are you doing here?" " My duty:" "I am visiting the sick and infirm." " I'm as fit as a flea." " And how is the comrade ghost?" "What comrade ghost?" "Spit it out!" "What are you playing at?" "A new game." "Do you know it?" "Reverend, be more explicit." "I don't like guessing games." "I know, because you are an expert at anagrams." "Don't look." "There." "Scratch away at Peppone and you find Pepito underneath." "So?" "Playing the football pools isn't a crime!" "Playing isn't, but winning is." "Anyone who doesn't sweat for his money is a filthy capitalist." "Stop it, Don Camillo!" "Let's not see everything in terms of politics!" "You're right." "Better ten million today than a proletariat revolution tomorrow." "What ten million?" "Everyone's got their eyes peeled!" "I'll never manage to cash it in, never!" "Why don't you ask the Party to cash in the coupon and let them keep it?" "The Party's got nothing to do with it!" "I won that money, it's mine!" "But you've got to cash it in somehow." "You could ask someone you trust to help..." "And who can I trust?" "You could rely on me." "You?" "Why not?" "However, priests never do anything for nothing, never." "Here, write this down, on there." "In exchange for this favor you must write and sign a statement." "Write:" "I the undersigned, Giuseppe Bottazzi, etcetera authorize my son Walter, who is under age to be married according to the rites of the Roman Catholic Church..." "I'll do no such thing!" "I'd look absolutely ridiculous." "You didn't care if the priest looked ridiculous or drowned in the river!" " No." "It wasn't my idea, I swear!" " Whose idea was it then?" "I am not a Vatican spy!" "Very well, we'll deal with this later." "Finish the declaration." "Come on, get on with it!" " But I've already told you that..." " Keep calm, Senator." "We are interested in the substance of things." "Once we have saved the Lord's cabbages we shall save the Senator's goat." "Come on now, Senator!" "Get on with it and be careful not to sign yourself Pepito Sbazzeguti!" "[The next day Don Camillo made a short journey to the nearest city...] [... to the Football Pools office, and caught the last train home.]" "[He was acting rather furtively and had rather a heavy suitcase...] [... concealed beneath his cloak.]" " Maria!" "He's back!" " Did he give the signal?" "Yes." "Listen, let me give just a million to the Party anonymously, to salve my conscience!" "No!" "Not a single lira, otherwise you'll have me on your conscience." "But what is a million after all?" "One paltry million!" "I said no!" "Not a single lira!" "Jesus, I would never permit myself to criticize you but the thought that all this lolly should end up in Peppone's hands..." "Grumble to the Football Pools, not me, Don Camillo." "Did you manage to get the cash?" "Did nobody see you?" "Are you sure you weren't followed, or spied on?" "Ten million lire." "Your hands are shaking." "You bet they are!" "You don't often see so much money, do you?" "Ten million." "It's only a pile of printed paper." "Tomorrow it may be worth nothing." "You're right, I'd better invest it immediately." "I'll buy a small farm." "You can't." "Buy land from the peasants?" "Your conscience won't let you." "Then I can buy some gold." "Gold always maintains its value." "Yes, but when you have your revolution they'll pinch it." "I could deposit it in a foreign bank account." "Abroad?" "Yes, but where?" " In America, perhaps." " Oh, yes, Amer..." "Oh I give up, it's too complicated!" "Now pick up the loot and take it home." "But send the case back:" "It's mine." "No." "I can't risk taking it home at this hour." "I'm all confused." "Keep it here, please." "Tomorrow morning we'll work out what to do with it." " All right, I'll keep it." " But where will you put it?" "Will you hide it?" "Yes, if you wish, but now go home." "Good night." "I want to know where you're going to hide it." " In the attic." "Would an old trunk be all right?" " Yes." "No." "Put it in your old military trunk, with a padlock." "Yes, with a padlock." "Good night." " Look after it won't you?" " Yes, yes." "What on earth?" "Who is it?" "It's us." " Can you open the door, please?" " Why, what do you want?" "My wife would like to see what ten million lire looks like." "At half-past-one in the morning?" "You know how it is, she couldn't get to sleep so..." "I had no trouble at all." "I'll go and open the door." "[The Senator's wife's curiosity was satisfied.]" "[But Fate had decided that Don Camillo wouldn't get any sleep that night.]" " PROPERTY OF DON CAMILLO." "HANDS OFF!" "" " HEAVY ARTILLERY MILITARY CHAPELAIN DON CAMILLO " "At midnight you don't want it." "At half- past-one you want to show your wife now it's three and you're back again for the third time tonight." "I want to know what to expect." "Do you intend to return it at five?" "I couldn't stop thinking about what my wife said!" "What did she say?" "Just for the sake of argument." "What if something happened to you?" "How could I prove the money's mine?" "Take it away and be done with it!" "And don't say good night!" "Good morning, Your Eminence." "The door!" "Do you see, Jesus, what effect millions have on Communists?" "It's easy to despise money when you're a priest!" "I'd like to see what you'd do if you had a wife and six children." "But fortunately I..." "Jesus!" "My long lost youth!" "Don Camillo, what do you want to do with that photograph?" "Nothing, Lord, nothing." "Be careful, Eminence." "[Lt had been agreed as follows:]" "[... first Walter would get married in church, then in the Town Hall...] [... thus saving both the Lord's goat and the Senator's cabbages.]" "Any news?" "No, boss." "All access is under our control, no infiltration is possible." "Good." "You stay there on guard." "[The old and decrepit little church of St. Lucius...] [..." "lay three kilometers from the town, on the bank of the great river.]" "[They had built it there, convinced that St. Lucius...] [... to avoid getting his feet wet, would hold the waters at bay.]" "[A mass was held there once a year and it could be approached...] [... from the direction of the river or the poplars below the embankment.]" " Go behind there to get changed." " Yes, Dad." " Hurry up, Cesira!" "In you go." "Be quick." " Leave the bike I said!" " No, I need it!" "I've got to go to work!" " And what do you think I'm doing?" " You stupid woman!" "Go home!" "No!" "You reactionary!" "You lousy Southerner!" "Let go!" "Well?" "OK." "There isn't a sign of a reactionary for miles." "What about your husband?" "He's worse, but he doesn't count!" "If he says a word I thump him!" "Push him into the ditch!" "Why did I have to marry a Southerner?" "Go home, do you hear?" "Gisella!" "That white dress and veil seem a bit out of place, unless I'm mistaken." "You are mistaken, Your Eminence!" "After what you told me?" "If we hadn't told you a sob-story, you wouldn't have tried to help us!" "You little monkeys!" "And there was me getting into trouble thinking that you couldn't wait!" "That's right." "We couldn't wait." " Why not?" " Because we love each other." " Peppone!" " Eh?" " Let's go!" "There, everyone's here now but the altar boy hasn't turned up." "Sorry." "The Communist Party doesn't have an altar-boy department." "I would invite one of your people to think back to when he was a boy." "I hate to disappoint you, but none of them was ever an altar boy." "I believe you're wrong." "This altar boy, for example?" "Don't even think it!" "Instead of giving the photograph to a magazine, I could give it back to the person concerned once he's helped me to celebrate mass." "You're the most despicable blackmailer in the universe!" "Ask me anything else!" "All right:" "Who stole my clothes the other day?" " Where's the bell?" "The mass-cruets?" " In the suitcase!" "So what do we have to do?" "You and Gisella can stand guard." "The others can come into the church!" "All right!" "Let's go!" "Walter Bottazzi, do you take Rosetta Grotti to be your lawful wedded wife according to the rite of the Holy Mother Church?" "I do." "Grotti Rosetta, do you take Walter Bottazzi to be your lawful wedded husband according to the rite of the Holy Mother Church?" "I do." " Did the witnesses hear?" " Yes." "Give each other your right hands." "Ego coniugo vos in matrimonium in nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti." "Amen." "[Lt was a beautiful summer's day.]" "[The great river flowed lazily through the fields of the Po Valley...] [... and the poplars told it true stories of events that had happened there.]" "May the grace of our Lord light up your house and keep you safe from harm." "May God protect you from discord, poverty and illness." "More particularly, may He protect you against the evil influence of your wretched parents whom you must help to repent by saying this prayer every day to Our Merciful Lord:" "Oh Lord place your sacred hand on their useless heads and so be it." " In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti." "Amen." " Amen!" "[The joy Don Camillo felt...] [... as he blessed the Christian union of those two youngsters...] [... mitigated any sadness that his holiday was at an end...] [... and canceled any remorse at having extended it for so long...] [... using some fairly unorthodox methods.]" "[Now, unfortunately, he had run out of excuses.]" "[He could delay no longer, not even for an hour.]" "Hello, miss?" "An urgent call for Don Cesare Salvi!" "Thank you." "Who is it?" "Who are you?" "Ah!" "Marasca." "I didn't recognize you." "Hardly surprising." "I don't recognize myself any more." "What's happened?" "I've had enough, that's what." "First I'll kill her and then myself." "One moment." "What's all this about?" "Before killing yourself, who is it you want to bump off?" " My wife." " Gisella?" "A political crime, you can claim there were attenuating circumstances." "I've had enough." "Unless you can find a solution God knows what will happen." "Me?" "What do you expect me to do?" "I don't know, Reverend." "After all, you married us." "I know, but I disclaim all responsibility." "Try and talk to her, try to persuade her." "Persuade her?" "It's not so simple!" "It's no use insisting." "I'm leaving in an hour." "I've already packed." "Your Eminence, she was different before politics ruined her." "You know what she was like." "She was a good girl, devoted to housework." "But now..." "Look at her!" "Look at her!" "In your opinion, is that a wife?" "I'm not an expert but..." "Well, no." "There you see?" "And it's always the same." "One day she's sticking up posters, the next she's off to a meeting another day she's involved in a vendetta against the Fascists another day she' at the river to steal the priest's clo..." "Your clothes." "What?" "Your Eminence, what are you doing?" "Don Camillo!" "Lord, it's very small harmless shot, the sort they use for sparrows." "Don Camillo!" "Thank you, Lord." "What's the matter, Reverend?" "Nothing." "Nothing at all." "Your Eminence, first I'm going to send the telegram then I'll come back on the tricycle and take your cases to the station." "I've changed my mind:" "I'm staying!" "[Lt was a good thing that Don Camillo delayed his departure.]" "[The next morning grave news troubled the souls of the town...] [... which demanded firm, conciliatory action.]" " Apparently they found her this morning at dawn." " Incredible!" "Just as it was getting light, just before the crossroads at the..." "As he cycled past, a certain Ugolini heard someone groaning behind a bush and he gave the alarm." "A gang of the lads from the depot arrived and found her on the ground behind the hedge." "Those bastards had put her head in a sack and tied her arms and hands." "But who was it?" "Gisella, Marasca's wife." "Oh that Communist girl!" "Sounds to me like a dirty political vendetta!" "The say they found her in a pool of blood." "It looked like blood, but apparently..." "It's red lead." "Careful you don't get stuck to the saddle!" "Sounds like the usual cod liver oil gang!" "My dear Senator, we couldn't have done more." "We've recovered the evidence associated with the crime, here and we've examined it millimeter by millimeter." "Not a trace, not a clue." "What's more, we telephoned headquarters and two hours ago an expert arrived from the Scientific Division." "A lady specialist actually, given the particular nature of the case." "She's examined the victim and here's the report." "Read it." "Inflammation of the tonsils." "What the devil have tonsils got to do with..." "What else could she find?" "First the victim had already treated, let's say, the site of the injury with petrol and detergent." "Furthermore, these are no ordinary painters when they've finished the job they don't add their signature." "But rest assured, we shall do everything we can to throw light on this reprehensible gesture." "Reprehensible gesture?" "Crime surely!" "Be objective!" "Four strokes of red paint on her behind..." "Working people will not let themselves be painted with impunity neither in principle nor on their behinds!" "Latest edition!" "All the details about the day's big event!" "[Lt was a serious incident, but actually many found it absurd...] [... and began to joke about Gisella's misadventure.]" " WET PAINT " "[And the more people laughed, the more bitter Peppone and his comrades felt.]" "[They began to see red...] [... and to interpret purely innocent acts as provocation.]" "What exactly are you alluding to with this red paint?" " Me?" " You want to provoke us, don't you?" " I'm just putting on some red paint!" " If we're around, don't do it!" "[People began throwing punches too...] [... but they were no nearer discovering who had attacked Gisella.]" "It's outrageous!" "We need concrete action, not a lot of woffle!" "Bottazzi can't beat about the bush any longer!" "I'm going to start throwing punches myself, even if he doesn't approve!" "So am I!" "In cases like these there's no room for détente!" "Sure!" "And if he's become feeble living in Rome, that's his lookout!" "Shh!" "Here he comes!" "[Peppone didn't know what to do.]" "[With every hour that passed he felt the esteem...] [... and respect of his comrades diminish.]" "[And it was due to this that, in the end...]" "Comrades, this is the last straw!" "If they want a show of strength, they're going to get it!" "Rome is Rome but we are different!" "Well said, boss!" "Well done!" " CLOSED GENERAL STRIKE " "Come on, let's go!" "Pino!" "Put this up." "Bang those nails in hard, eh!" "Remove that rubbish immediately!" "Why?" "Isn't this a public commercial concern?" "From now on, if you want, you can talk about clerical obscurantism!" "Lord!" "Is it possible that civilized men can commit such ignoble acts just because of that brainless girl?" "You're right." "Don't you think that, whoever punished that brainless girl in such a crude way proved he was even less discerning?" "You can nail it onto your brain, it seems to be on general strike!" "Honestly, Your Eminence!" "You must be mad to stir up the town like this because of a stupid joke!" "You are a reckless man, Senator." "The reckless one is whoever covered Gisella in red paint with the aim of offending the working class!" "Would you stop the strike if you discovered that politics had nothing to do with the paint episode?" "It was you!" "Senator, I am a priest, I cannot stoop so low." "What did you do then?" "I just put her head in a bag, tied her up a bit left her behind a hedge and then I went about my business." "And who was behind the hedge?" "A poor oppressed man who had been suffering in silence." " Who?" " Gisella's husband." "That dirty damned reactionary!" "We'll have his guts for garters!" "With what right?" "These are private family affairs!" "Never put the Party between a husband and wife!" "A husband who does something like this is a delinquent!" "He's made her look ridiculous!" "The poor thing is afraid to go out!" "Just what the husband wanted!" "Her husband!" "But you are not the husband!" "No." "I did it to encourage neo-realist painting!" "Rome!" "It's for you." "Don't answer." "I've cut my phone wires and don't open telegrams any more." "You answer it please." "Tell them I'm not here." "Hello?" "Yes, this is Bottazzi's house." "No, I'm afraid the comrade's not here." "No, comrade." "Oh!" "It seems they want to award you the Lenin prize for détente." "Hello?" "Yes, speaking." "I've just come in..." "Yes, I know." "I must explain." "Of course, the strike." "Yes, I received your letter." "I assure you that here things are..." "I've been put under enormous pressure." "Détente..." "Forget about détente!" "Continue the strike and step up the level of active protest!" "Congratulations on your timeliness and efficiency!" "You're doing a damn good job." "We're relying on you, all right?" "All right comrade!" "Your Eminence, I shall detain you no longer." "I'll get out of your way." "[Politics is a subtle game where nothing is predictable...] [... because anything is possible.]" "Good-bye, Senator." "[From one minute to the next, something new had happened...] [... and something in the air had changed.]" "[Suddenly a hurricane had burst...] [... and was sweeping Italy from north to south leaving turmoil in its wake.]" "[The whirlwind also swept through Don Camillo's town.]" "[Peppone had organized a flying squad of activists...] [... to send here and there wherever the need arose.]" "[So that it could travel around without looking too obvious...] [... he had called it "Youth Athletics"...] [... and had dressed and equipped it like a sports team.]" "Rome." "Special divisions of police had to intervene with water cannon to disperse the crowds following the bloody incidents in Genoa." "There was serious unrest, especially in the San Paolo district." "Many of the demonstrators were arrested and unfortunately several people were injured both among the demonstrators and among the forces of law and order." "Late in the afternoon law and order was reported to have been completely restored." "However, now news is coming in about more grave and shocking events." "In Reggio Emilia, during violent clashes with demonstrators..." "[That morning, fifteen of them had set off for the city.]" "[When they returned, there were only fourteen of them.]" "We'll hold the funeral the day after tomorrow, at four o'clock." "I want everyone to put out a black flag outside their window and I want the bells to toll throughout the funeral procession." " Is that clear?" " Quite clear." "Tomorrow the body of the boy who was murdered will arrive." "When we give the order, you must toll the bells." "And continue till we tell you to stop." "When the funeral passes through the square do the same as the other traders and shut the door of your shop." "I can't ring the bells for the dead if they don't stop at the church." "If you don't want the priest, you can't have the bell-ringer either!" "Some of your members have already sung the funeral march on the way here!" "I don't have members." "Refusing to ring the bells is an insult to the dead man!" "By burying him with a civic ceremony you insult God!" "You are siding with the murderers!" "I am siding with God." "You do not realize how delicate the situation is." "The dead boy's companions are difficult to handle." "I'm not sure we can stop them from coming to ring the bells." "Don't worry, they'll have to deal with me first!" "Let's go!" " He's barricaded himself in." " We shall winkle him out somehow." "He can keep his bells, but a bell will toll for the boy tomorrow!" "As he lay dying that boy asked for a bell and he shall have it." "Phone up Tocci." "His brother-in-law has a bell foundry near Modena." "Tell him I want an enormous bell." "Find one!" "Today a bell, tomorrow the tower of the Town Hall!" "And the voice of the people will also be heard!" "We can use our bell to summon the people to celebrate their victories and to warn them of danger!" "And to say good-bye to its victims." "The Church's bell-ringing monopoly will come to an end!" "Boss, they've got one and it's big." "Someone canceled an order." "They'll give us a special price, but it will still cost a great deal." "We haven't got much in the kitty." "I'll pay the difference, whatever it costs." "Don't think, just buy it!" "Hello?" "Send it over." "Tomorrow the bell will sound for the dead and the living!" "Stop!" "Stop!" "How are you going to pull it up?" "We'll have to do it in three stages!" " Three stages, just like Sputnik!" " Sputnik!" "I like it, Sputnik." "It's a magnificent name for our bell." "But listen, I want it up by tomorrow morning!" "It will be, Senator." "Leave it to us and don't worry about it." "Good!" "[That night, furtive shadows were seen running about the square.]" "[There were strange suspicious noises." "Thieves, perhaps.]" "[But what were they looking for?" "]" "[What could they possibly steal in a square with only a bell?" "]" "[The next morning the bell was still in the same place...] [... but thieves had been at work and they had stolen something.]" " Boss, where's the clapper?" " It's inside, isn't it?" "No it isn't." "Look!" "Of course it's there!" "You can't see it because it's hidden in the shade!" " I wonder if..." " What?" " No, it's not there." " No!" "Look out down below!" "Away from there!" "It's dangerous!" "There's no clapper!" "Where is it?" "Look out!" "Let me congratulate you, a real success!" "But where's the organizer, Senator Bottazzi?" "He was here a moment ago." "Where is he?" "He was here under the bell!" "Under the bell?" "Quick!" "Get some levers!" "Some wedges!" "Oh, Heavenly Lord!" "Peppone!" "Peppone!" "Stand back!" "Out of my way!" "Give it to me!" "Come on now, all together!" "Get the wedges ready!" " Peppone!" "Are you intact?" " I think so." " Well get out then, come on." "No, the clapper isn't there." "If I were you I'd thank the Lord it isn't, because if it had been..." " Boss, are you all right?" " Yes, fine." "Don't worry, I hit my head just now but it's nothing serious." "Come down, you lot!" "Fix up the other pulley!" "Hurry up!" "[The clapper re-appeared as mysteriously as it had vanished.]" "[Evidently the thief, whoever it was, had had second thoughts...] [... or perhaps he realized before the others did that...] [... with or without a clapper, the bell was no use any more.]" "In falling it had developed a crack." "I think you cracked it when you banged your head." "Anyway, tomorrow the boy will have his bell." "It sounds rather strange, but he'll be happy." "It's the thought that counts!" "Lord, accept him into your kingdom in any case." "When he was dying he asked for a bell to be tolled." "It's as if he had asked for the voice of God." "Concentrate, Don Camillo, or you'll get out of time!" " I shall keep it!" "It's the only card I can play!" " Silence!" "What a pleasant surprise." "How on earth did you track me down?" "At the vicarage they told me they'd seen you heading towards the bridge." "As I was crossing it I heard your voice." "The Reverend has good ears." "The bridge is almost a kilometer away." "Or rather, I'd say that His Eminence has a loud voice." " Good-bye, my children." " Good-bye, Your Eminence." " You really think I might get into trouble?" " Er, yes I'm afraid so." " What do you think they'll do to me?" " I have no idea." " Me neither." "I've been thinking about it but I don't think they'll do anything." "It's possible." "In any case I advise you to leave as soon as possible." "In fact, now." "Now?" "You're always in such a hurry!" "I've got some things to sort out here." " Let's leave tomorrow morning." " As you wish, Eminence." " But, Eminence!" " Wait for me at the vicarage!" "Now, moderating action that will favor a détente." "Moderating..." " Ate, Senator, moderate." " Oh, Your Eminence." "For once the Monsignor isn't relevant." "I'd like to speak from one man to another, if the Senator will permit." " Of course." "You may speak as a priest to a man." " Thank you." "It's very simple." "My secretary has turned up without any warning to take me back to Rome tomorrow morning." "What an excellent idea!" "You liar!" "How would you like it if you stayed behind without me?" "Well, what do you want?" "Just a simple little job on my secretary's car." "Could you just tamper slightly with the engine, you know..." "No, Reverend!" "I'm sorry, but I don't go in for pranks of that kind." "Why do you call them "pranks"?" "No, Your Eminence." "I don't see any harm in it." "I'm only asking you to put the engine out of action for a few days to give me time to think." "How can I find an excuse to delay my departure by tomorrow morning?" "They've got me by the throat." "Senators are like priests:" "They never do anything for nothing." "I'll fix the car if you fix my report." "What report?" "About the work I've been doing here." "Church defeated in council house saga." "Proletariat victory in the Gisella Marasca case and capitalists defeated in all the other cases." "I'm a priest, not an author of science-fiction novels." "And I normally mend cars, not tamper with them." "I've got no imagination, I'd never be able to invent such lies." "There's nothing to invent, it's all been written." "You just need to correct the style a bit, the punctuation." "But please, don't put in too many commas, I hardly use them." "Here you are, four copies and the headed paper's already inside." "This is blackmail!" "In exchange for sabotaging an engine you want me to sabotage the truth." "Me who never told a lie in his life." " May the Lord forgive me." " And may Fiat forgive me." "[Under cover of darkness...] [... the feverishly clandestine double act began.]" "Bloody attack carried out by supporters of the Church against our comrade Gisella Marasca." "It's a barefaced lie." "Giuseppe Bottazzi, supplier to the Vatican City." "...and the home." "Full stop." "Excellent and unexpected results in bringing through her complete re-education according to the holy principles of love, of the family and of the home." " I've finished." " So have I." "[Don Camillo slept deeply...] [... and, at dawn he leaped out of bed as fresh as a daisy.]" "[Having celebrated early mass he continued his duties...] [... as if it were an ordinary morning.]" "Don Camillo, are you going away without even saying good-bye?" "Lord, I did genuflect and make the sign of the cross." "Not much for someone who's leaving:" "And doesn't know when he'll be back." "But I do know, Lord." "I intend to be back in five minutes, with God's help." "With Peppone's help, you mean!" "Don't let's confuse the two!" "Forgive me, but I think my secretary will be getting impatient." "You've never had a secretary, so you don't understand..." "Have a good journey, Eminence." "It'll go for a while." "Well?" "Well, my son, are we ready?" "Yes, Your Eminence." "I've seen to everything." " I've already telephoned Don Cesare." " Good." " He's coming round later." "So, let's go!" " Good-bye, Your Eminence." " So long." " Have a good journey!" " Thank you." " Come back soon!" " I intend to." "My son, don't you think the engine's making a strange noise?" "No, on the contrary." "I think it's going even better than it did yesterday." "Watch how well it accelerates!" "The rogue." "He's sold himself to the Vatican." "Stop, please." " Forgive the liberty, Your Eminence." " But of course, Senator." "I must be in Rome by this afternoon." "If you give me a lift as far as Castelnuovo, I can catch the 7:12 express." " It'll be a real pleasure." " Thank you, Your Eminence." "Excuse me." " Thank you, Eminence." " Not at all." "Make yourself at home." " Excellent job you did on the engine." " Excellent job you did on the report." "I just brushed up the style a bit and corrected a few mistakes." "It was different in your case." "Mine was a case of conscience." "I received orders to set off for Rome immediately then I thought:" "Can I really leave the Monsignor here on his own?" "Whereas I said to myself:" "I'll stay so that the Senator won't be alone." "It's extraordinary." "In trying to outwit each other, we've hit on an identical way of seeing things." " We have." " The miracles of détente." " Indeed." "Well." "Thanks, Eminence." "Here, take this." "You might need it sometime, you never know." "Just call the number." "You never know, you might need it sometime and it's free of charge." "Fine." "Thanks." "Have a good journey." " Good-bye, Eminence." " Good-bye, Senator." "Have a good journey." "[This is another of the stories that the great river...] [... collects on the banks of the Po as it flows down to the sea.]" "[Fables sounding like true stories or true stories sounding like fables.]" "[Lt's hard to say which is which, very hard indeed.]"