"[Theme music]" "ALL: [Singing] We can sing and dance and we don't need pants" "See, we're just like you" "We've got regular jobs, just with low doorknobs" "See, we're just like you" "Yes, we graduate from Harvard" "At the head of my class!" "But if you take sobriety" "I may not pass!" "There's no strings attached and there's no hand up my" "We're just like you!" "Goodness gracious, hurry, everybody." "We've got to separate those vowels from the consonants... so Choo and I can take them to Wordsville." "Network testing." "What could be more fun than this?" "Oh, I know." "Who wants to kick me in the face?" "[Warren chuckles]" "I'm sorry." "Was that a rhetorical question?" "Hey, this is fun." "[All laugh on TV]" "GREG:" "There's an old saying:" ""lf it ain't broke, don 't fix it. "" "Personally, I never liked that saying." "I always thought that it should go:" ""lf it's working all right, just say good night. "" "See, because for starters, it rhymes." "Anyway, who would I talk to about changing that?" "[Blah and Greg laughing on TV]" "GREG: [On TV] Yeah, thank you." "JACK: [On TV] Let's get them loaded up now." "You know, we can learn a lot from these focus groups." "Yeah, like little Timmy over there." "He's taught us the importance of holding your winky for 20 minutes." "Let's begin with your impressions of our Sweetknuckle Junction cast members." "LARRY:" "Young lady in the back." "How come that monkey's so fat?" "[Both laughing]" "I am not fat." "The monitor in there adds, like, 12 pounds." "Get a mirror, Wide Load." "It looks like you're smuggling pot roasts." "LARRY:" "How about you?" "How does a monkey get that fat?" "He looks like a chocolate cake with eyes." "Okay." "Pardon me." "Excuse me." "Okay, you see?" "This is what I'm talking about." "This is exactly what network testing does." "It's a ridiculous, humiliating exercise." "Oh, good God." "You ever seen a chocolate cake do this, Four Eyes?" "[Children screaming]" "[Warren shouting]" "Back off." "WARREN:" "You heard what she said." "GlL:" "You can't go strangling children." "[Both laughing]" "[Gil and Warren yelling]" " Okay." " Behave yourself." "All right, Gil, based on the testing, we at the network feel... that the sensibility of this show is out of date." " Poppycock." " We're going to make some changes... and I just want you to remember that we're in on this together, we're a team." "So if I don't like the changes in here, I don't have to make them?" "All right, guys." "I got your..." "I forgot to mark the..." "That's okay." "I'll figure it out." " Who had the mocha latte?" " I did." "[Coughs]" "You know, Gil, we've got to make the show hipper." "Fine, you want hip?" "I can do hip." "I can give you a hip show." "The kids will be up to their hips in hip." "That's how hip I can make the show." "You want a mind-blowing concept?" "We put a little rock and roll music into the show." "That'll jazz it up a little bit." "What?" "Oh, no." "Rock and roll is great." "The kids need their rock and roll, because they do their crazy dances." "It's good." "You know what I would do?" " Jimmy, please." "The adults are talking." " No, I'd love to hear this." "You know he's closer to our audience's age than we are." "The show needs to be more MTV." "jim:" "You know, like some rap, some ska, some hip-hop." "You need quick cuts and slick graphics." " Kids need to get their swerve on." " I'm liking this." "Yeah, okay." "First of all, this swerve thing sounds a little dangerous." "And what's wrong with the show the way we have it?" "Please." "The cartoon train station?" "It's true." "You know, kids today don't even like trains." "Everybody likes trains." "No." "Gil, have you been on a train?" "It's depressing." "Nobody wants to spend their vacations staring at poor people's backyards." "Our train goes to the pickle patch and back." "Okay, look." "You want to use music with which the kids can get a swerve?" " I will consider the options." " Oh, wow." "You know what I'm thinking?" "This is so fun." "I think that you two should team up on this." "Alison, he's a production assistant." "He's a gofer." "No, I think it's cool for you and me to be a team." "It'll be like when we put that minibike together." "Yeah, except this time, people's jobs are on the line." "You can't just get high and run over Mrs. Richmond's cat." "Gil, do you want the show to be the best it can be?" "Of course I want the show to be the best." "If he's not up to it, maybe you and I could get together and bang it out tonight." "You two bang." "I love this." "This is great." "This is great." "What do you say, before we dig in... we get one of those pathetic gofers to go get us some FroYos?" "[Peppy instrumental music]" "Now, this one's the bullet train, so I'm thinking silver." "I'm thinking James Cameron, like The Matrix." "Yeah, you're thinking The Matrix, but you're babbling like Rain Man." "Fine, we'll do a monorail." "We'll render it on the computer." "The whole thing will be so much more 3" " D than what we've got on the stage." "More 3-D than the real one?" "The one that actually exists in three dimensions?" "See, now you're riffing." "Son, and I call you that with all due affection... the beauty of Sweetknuckle Junction is that it's timeless." "It's like your grandma's house." "It's cozy and warm and smelling, like fresh-baked cookies." "You can't stand grandma." "It's 'cause she used to smack me on the head with a ladle... every time I hit a wrong note on the piano, but the place smelled like cookies." "Jimmy, I need you to get the Blahmobile detailed." "I'm not a PA anymore." "I'm very sorry to see you go, but frankly, I'm not that surprised." "No, I'm the new creative consultant for the show." "Damn fleshies always failing upward." "alison:" "I feel for you, Susan." "I mean, why can't I just find a man that'll take me in his arms and hold me... make me feel safe?" "I know." "You cannot look for happiness in a man." "That's the thing." "You have to look within yourself, your friends, your career." "[Susan grunts knowingly]" "You're not getting any either, are you?" "Oh, no." "I'm just taking some "me time," you know?" "alison:" "Gil?" "GlL:" "Yes, Alison." "alison:" "Jimmy just left my office." "GlL:" "Oh, God." "Whatever he did, wherever he touched you, I apologize." " He was telling me his ideas for the show." " I apologize for that, too." " I loved them." " Come again?" "I loved them." "I want you to put together a five-minute presentation tape... with all of Jimmy's ideas, and then we'll test it." "You can't put the future of this show in the hands of a PA." "A PA who, by the way, only has the job... because I'm trying to give that moron some self-confidence." "I'm not putting it in his hands, Gil, I'm putting it in your hands." "No, I don't think so... because when this bullet train derails, they're gonna be putting the blame on me." "No, the only thing you can do to my hand is talk to it, sister." "See, there's your hip." "[Upbeat instrumental music]" "I know you all fear change, so from now on, any changes... will be referred to as enhancements." " I got enhancements." " Eyes front." "So to give you the rundown for the enhancements... that we're going to make for the presentation tape, here's Jimmy." "Yeah." "Go, Jimbo." " Who?" " Jimmy, he's Gil's son." "I'm putting him in charge." "He's the PA." "Wait." "I have to listen to the kid who lets my coffee get cold?" "While you're at it, why don't you make Tardy Turtle the head of the network?" " Chocolate ice cream goes in the freezer." " That's right." "We're going to be quiet now." "Sweetknuckle Junction, prepare to meet your alter ego." "This is SK 2.O." " What happened to Choo?" " He's not Choo." "It's Chi-Zoo." " This is not your daddy's kiddie show." " But what's Junction Jack without Choo?" "I'm glad you asked, J.J. See, the new Chi-Zoo needs a new Jack... or should I say a Cybo-Jack with a rocket pack?" "But if I drive a train, why would I use a rocket pack?" "Who wears a rocket pack on a train?" "Not me." "Look, you either use your rocket pack... or you choose some other suitable means of transportation, but you don't do both." "That's crazy." " Dottie?" " I'm fired, right?" "No, you're going to be on fire." "Today's toddlers want more from their female role models." "They want sex appeal." "So, we're going to make you a little less Hee Haw... and a little bit more "hoo-haw."" "Yeah, you want sex appeal?" "Check out these abs." "[Laughs]" "Eight minutes a day for 46 years." "[Blah grunts]" "And that brings us to you, Count Blah." "I've been thinking about it... you need a new catch phrase, my man." "So I thought, what..." ""Word" or "G" or "Yo"?" "No, it's gotta be:" " A'iggit?" " No, it's a'ight." " Count A'ight is in the house." " You can't take away my blahs!" "No, blah is dead." "Long live Count A'ight." "A'ight?" "Yeah, I can't help but think that this is definitely not all right." "So, rejoice, my friends, because the future is now." "This is SK 2.0." "Peace out." "That wasn't too bad." "And Warren's got to lose six pounds." "Perfect." "[Rhythmic instrumental music]" "[Door opens]" "We've got serious problems here, Bender." "You know, they have a thing these days called knocking." "Alison is actually listening to your stupid kid's ideas." "Yeah, he wants to replace my blahs with a'iggit." " It's a'ight." " A'iggit." "A'ight." "Screw it." "I cannot pronounce this word." "I'm from Romania." "What is worse, he's mandating that I go on a diet." "I'm thrice divorced, Gil." "I've shed enough ugly fat for one lifetime." "I sure wish that I could help you guys... but I've absolved myself from all responsibility... so it's not my problem." " We need for you to fix this." " Like I said, it's not my problem." "But that's what you do when we complain, you fix." "That's right." "[All protesting]" "Top four answers on the board." "Show me, "Not my problem."" "[Gil imitating a beeper]" "I'd like to change categories and take "Television's biggest jackasses" for 400." "Bye-bye, now." "GREG:" "Hey, Jimmy." "jim:" "Hey, buddy." " Did you see that presentation?" " Alison seemed to like it." "But the cast is used to the show the way it is... and your ideas do seem a little weird." "Listen, Greg, my ideas are going to breathe some life into this dinosaur." "I know it sounds crazy, but you've got to trust me on this." "I have a vision." "After you saw Risky Business, you had a vision... of running a brothel in the basement, but that didn't work out... on account of that hooker who showed everyone her penis." "WARREN:" "You're kidding?" "It actually says that?" "Maury, you are the worst agent." "Why would you allow a clause in my contract that forces me to lose weight?" "I am not fat." "Don't be ridiculous." "Of course I can touch my toes." "Here, I will prove it to you." "[Fabric ripping]" "[Warren grunts]" "Something ripped." "No, I'm not wearing pants." "Maury." "I think I just tore myself a new one." "[Upbeat instrumental music]" "Come on, Warren." "I think we should give Jimmy a chance." "You're not the least bit concerned he's never directed before?" "I know some of Jimmy's ideas for the show are a little weird... but he's a real good director." "He's looking through his fingers and squinting and everything." "All right, concentrate, son." "You're not stitching a wallet back there." "Sorry." "You know this isn't the bunny trail I want to be hopping down, either." "Why didn't you just call a doctor?" "Yes, there's a fine way to make my case with the network." ""I'm not overweight, I tell you." ""And by the way, here's the bill from when my ass exploded."" " We're going to need more anesthetic." " More string, too." "[Peppy instrumental music]" "GREG:" "Well now, the set doesn't look so different." "That's good." "Jimmy, what in the hell is that thing?" "That is a clean slate, buddy." "Now, let me present to you, and please tell me what you think... of the all-new SK 2.0all-digital cyber set." "GREG:" "What?" "Well, it's new." "I know, it's so hot, right?" "Wow, and speaking of hot..." "GREG:" "Dottie, look at you." "Hi, Greggy." "Jimmy, I like this outfit, but don't you think it's a bit much?" "I mean, my grandmother watches this show." "Dottie, we're not doing the show for the grandmothers." "We're doing it for the kids." "As long as it's for the kids." "I'll just be practicing on my go-go pole." "You got her a go-go pole?" "[Jim stammers]" "[Rock music playing]" "[Greg sighs]" "It's like a dream." "GREG:" "I don't know if the kids are gonna get this, but their fathers will." "[Greg exclaims]" "What have you done to Junction Jack?" "Dear God, it's finally happened." "They've turned me into a puppet." "It looks great, Jack." "You look great." "Let's test the jet packs." "[Jack yells in pain]" "Well, at least I still have some feeling in my leg." "All right, people." "Pimps up, hoes down!" "Let's do this!" "Dottie, we're going to start with you, and don't forget the flavor." "And action." "Yo, yo." "That was Alphabet Soup by the Schoolhouse that Rocks, P.S. 12." " You're back with Dottay." " And me, the fright of the night... your homeslice, Count A'iggit, blah." "Damn it." "jim:" "Cut." "No blahs, buddy, okay?" "BLAH:" "I know." " Let's try it again, a'ight?" " Yeah, I'll get it, Jimmy, blah." "Damn it." "And me, Count Blight, blah." "Damn, crap, blah." "[Blah curses]" "Will you get it right?" "This suit is setting off my jungle rot." "Hey, come on, everybody, give Jimmy a chance." "Yeah, come on, guys." "Let's churn this mother out." "Prior to the churning, might you explain why all of my lines have been slugged..." ""Prof-Meister Ape"?" "Because that's you." " You're the Prof-Meister Ape." " Merciful..." "Gil!" "Not my problem." "Talk to Limp Brisket over there." "You know what?" "Let's start from Jack's line." "And action." "[Swooshing]" "We hanging with the Junction Crew... getting ready to get our learn on with the Prof-Meister Ape." "Yes, what up?" "It is I, Prof-Meister Ape, laying down the brain beats... and bringing the Q to the A." "Hold it." "Warren, if you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all." " Yeah, that works for me." " No, wait." " What now?" " I can't take this suit anymore." "Jack." "Jack, we're still shooting." "Hey, Jimmy." "Why don't we do my pole dance?" "Not now, Dottie." "You think I'm fat." "BLAH:" "No, that's Warren." "Would you like a fist full of gold, Liberace?" "Liberace?" "That's tough talk coming from the Notorious P.I.G." "People, I am not fat, I am voluptuously muscular." "You don't understand the hours I've worked on this pole." "You have one big muscle right on your tummy." " It's not going well, is it?" " No." "[All arguing]" "It is not." "Guys, come on." "Wow." "I haven't seen Jimmy fail like this since... the last time he tried to do anything." "Yeah." "It must be hard for you, too." "On the one hand, he is messing with your show." "Yet on the other, he's your son." "A young boy who looks up to his father." "Who he loves." "And who just yesterday remarked was so very handsome." "All right, I'm going." "Blow any more smoke up there, and I'll burst into flames." "People, why don't we bring Jack down if we can?" "GlL:" "Let's put a box here for him to stand on." "Can we get the air-conditioning on, please?" "Dottie, you look beautiful in that outfit." "All the grips are making really inappropriate comments about it." " Really?" " Geez, disgusting." " What are you doing?" "I can handle this." " I know you can, son." "I came out to see if I could smooth out a few little lumps along the way... if it's okay with you." "Yeah, sure." "Thanks." "Blah, do me a favor." "Say "alight."" "Alight." " Now lose the "l."" " A'ight." " Hey, that works." " Good." "Warren, you do your lines with feeling or I'm gonna rip the stitches out of your ass... and suck the fat out of you with an industrial vacuum." "Let's turn this mother out." "And guys, if we finish by 4:00, drinks are on me, okay?" "[All cheering]" "Come on, people, let's kick this pig, a'ight?" "Okay, go ahead, son, let's get jiggy with it." "You heard the man, let's roll cameras... and action." "ANNOUNCER:" "It's SK 2.O with the whole crew..." "Prof-Meister Ape, Cybo-Jack, Count A 'ight..." "Dottay, and G the B." "All you kids in the house get ready to rock with SK 2.O." "[Music playing on TV]" "BLAH:" "You know what?" "I think this actually turned out a'ight." "I look fat." "P" " H-A-T, phat!" "Dottie, you know, you don't have to wear that costume anymore." "Jack said I did." "I'm just trying to boost morale." "I didn't say anything to Blah, though." "What?" "I rollerbladed here." "I really feel great about this new direction." "You know, it's fun." "It's fresh." "It's full of new ideas." " Then why are we testing it?" " To see if we like it." "You know, I have to admit, Jimmy, I think you got something here." "It's not Sweetknuckle, but I know swerve when I see it." "I know you had to drag me kicking and screaming into the 20th century..." " but let me tell you" " Twenty-first." "Twentieth, twenty-first, what the hell's the difference?" "The point is..." "I'm proud of you, son." " You did a great job." " We did it together." "Hey, look at those kids' faces." "Look at this kid smiling over here." "There's one laughing." "But he's not making any noise." " Look at that." "We've got him drooling." " Look at that one." "He's flopping on the floor and foaming at the mouth." " His eyes are rolling back in his head." " Shut off the TV." "It's the quick cuts and the strobing lights." "Turn the TV off, please." "What have you two done?" "Jimmy, what have you done here?" "You've given the kids seizures." "No, Dad." "We're giving them seizures." "I guess we're going back to the old Sweetknuckle Junction." " I thought your ideas were really good." " You don't have to pretend, Greg." "Man, what were you smoking when you wrote that crap?" " I know, I got kind of carried away." " Yeah." "But thanks for sticking by me, squirt." "If I don't look out for you, who will, right?" "You think Alison will stay mad at me?" "No, I'm sure she'll blame the whole thing on your dad." "jim:" "And then he'll blame it on me, and we'll be back to normal." "GREG:" "Needless to say, we went back to the old Sweetknuckle Junction." "Alison told Jimmy that his ideas weren't gelling creatively with the network... not to mention all the lawsuits we got from the parents of those twitchy kids." "Jimmy, the hard-driven creative consultant... went back to just being, well, Jimmy." "And that's a 'ight with me." "She started it." "She started all of it." "GlL:" "Don't worry about it." "WARREN:" "Come on." "Listen, you're going to stand in the corner." " What are you doing there?" " Just go with me." "[Greg exclaims]" "jim:" "See that?" "Just imagine." "Just imagine activity, lights, shine, sparkle, magic." "GREG:" "Cool." "What do the fingers do?" " You misspelled goiter." " Would you please?"