"Oh, wait a minute." "I forgot to do my test." "What test is that?" "Well, I select a sandwich at random and try it." "If it doesn't meet my standards, I put the lot of them in the bin." "They're fine." "There." "(Thud)" "Ferrero Rocher?" "Father Ted, with these Rocher you are realy spoiling us." "My housekeeper isn't the best." "Sometimes I think that it's me that should be making the tea for her!" "(All chuckling)" "Mrs Doyle." "(Ted) Mrs Doyle." ""Making the tea for her"!" "(Thud)" "I never thought we'd have anyone like her here." "Hm?" "Oh, Miss Clark." "Yes, it's very exciting - a famous novelist, here." "You've never read any of her books, have you?" "Actualy, I'm a bit of a fan." "That's where I was the other day - at her book signing." "I'm very surprised." "I didn't think you'd like that sort of thing." "I read a bit of one once." "God, I couldn't finish it." "The language - unbelievable!" "It's a bit gritty but that's the modern world." "Well, it was a bit much for me, Father." " "Feck this" and "feck that"." " Yes, Mrs Doyle." ""You big bastard"." "Oh, dreadful language." ""You big hairy arse"." ""You big fecker"." "Fierce stuff." "And of course, the F-word, Father." "The bad F-word, worse than "feck"." "You know the one I mean?" "Yes, I do, Mrs Doyle." ""F you". "F your F-ing wife"." "Oh, why do they have to use language like that?" ""I'll stick this F-ing pitchfork up your hole"." " That was another one, oh, yes." " I see what you mean." ""Bastard this" and "bastard that"." "It's wall-to-wall bastards." " Is it?" "Anyway..." " "You bastard". "You fecker"." ""You bollocks"." ""Get your bollocks out of my face"." "Yes, you just go and prepare for the nuns." "(Mrs Doyle) "Ride me sideways" is another one." "Happy Christmas, Mrs Doyle." "Oh, Father, you shouldn't have!" "(Giggles) What is it?" "(Excited giggling)" "It's a..." "I was trying to think, "What would Mrs Doyle realy love?"" "Then I thought, "Something to take the misery out of making tea."" "Yes, Mrs Doyle, the days of housekeepers making tea are over." "You've made your last cup of tea in this house!" "Thank you, Father." " Tea, Father?" " Oh!" "God Almighty, Mrs Doyle!" "What are you doing up?" "Oh, I always stay up in case one of you needs a cup of tea." " How long have you been doing this?" " About three years now." " But we never get up at night." " Well, you're up now." "Unless I'm hallucinating from lack of sleep." "That's happened before, all right." "I'm just getting my jacket to go for a little walk." "Right so." "(Sighs)"