"You're taking a risk." "36, rue Victor Hugo." "That's easy to remember." "In Courbevoie, I forget the code." "Never mind, it's right near Paris." "I'll write to you when I arrive, OK?" "Write to me, huh?" "5 YEARS LATER" "FRID AY, DECEMBER 1 4" "Felicie!" "It's 8 a.m." "Already!" "Morning." "Come to Nicolas's tonight." "I'm dining at Mum's." "And tomorrow I may go to my sister's until Monday." "OK, have a good day." "Thanks, you too." "Sure." "Happens every day." "No, last night." "You're right." "Yes." "I've really no cause for complaint." "OK, Tuesday, then." "No, I thank you!" "Who was it?" "What's happened?" "I've done it!" "Done what?" "Juliette gone?" "I'm going!" "I'll drive." "I'm expected in 2 hours for the inventory." "Already?" "You didn't tell me!" "I found out last night." "I couldn't tell you on the phone." "Besides, I was sure you were with whatsit." "I told you it'd happen before New Year's, and it did." "You'll come back when?" "I won't be back." "I'll stay down there." "I can't close the shop over the holidays." "What about me?" "Take the appointments here today and tomorrow." "You must be here Tuesday to receive the new manager." "Then...you join me soon as you can." "And my daughter?" "There are schools there." "With the Christmas vacations, you've time to enroll her." "Does Juliette know?" "I told her yesterday." "She wasn't too..." "No." "I thought she'd make a fuss, but not at all, she threw me out." "Good for her." "I preferred that." "I packed up and drove to a hotel." "Suppose I don't come?" "You'll be alone." "Why say that?" "You'll come." "I haven't said yes." "You wanted to leave Paris." "It's partly for you I'm moving." "Partly." "A small part." "Don't put me on." "You doubt my love!" "You doubt mine, so you don't trust me, don't consult me." "We talked for months!" "Only vaguely." "It wasn't vague to me." "It was to me!" "You scared?" "I haven't said yes, but I haven't said no." "Since I have to make a decision..." "I'll say...yes!" "I'm surprised, too, at how fast it's all happened." "I wish we could leave together." "I can't go before Christmas:" "there's Elise, Mum, my sister..." "I could come down for a look Sunday." "Is it far?" "A two-hour train ride." "You leave Saturday night and return Monday afternoon." "Why didn't I think of that?" "Now I've got to run." "You took your car." "I hadn't seen." "Don't catch cold." "See you Saturday." "Hi." "Hi." "Watch out for ice!" "How are you?" "Fine, and you?" "Fine." "Am I too early?" "Not at all." "Give me your coat." "We should already be open, but the other girl's late." "Here's Armelle." "Shall I do highlights?" "If you like..." "Morning." "Maxence has gone to Nevers." "He left?" "His new salon." "He starts Tuesday." "And you?" "I'm staying, for now." "Tell you later." "Maxence leaving?" "But the salon's not closing." "You staying?" "No, I'm leaving." "Hi, Mum." "Hello, dear." "Elise in bed?" "Just went." "Hurry, her light's still on." "Give me a big kiss." "Kiss." "Kiss." "I have my big padaboom-boom-boom." "I've finished sleeping." "How'd today go?" "I played with Anna." "We played Daddy and Mummy," "Yellow mouse, pink mouse and green mouse," "I played the mailman didn't come, and the thief." "Fine." "Now you go sound asleep." "Lie down." "I want the light out." "Go to sleep and we'll turn out the light." "Elise." "What?" "To sleep, Elise." "What?" "No tickling." "Yes, tickle!" "Leave my rabbit or he'll hit you." "Alright." "I love my bunny!" "Go to sleep, OK?" "It's not Christmas yet, but I got stuck in traffic." "Don't worry, dinner will be ready in 5 minutes." "Unless you're...going to Loic's." "Not tonight." "Besides," "I've made a decision." "You know Maxence is moving to Nevers." "He left today." "I'm going to join him." "Right away?" "Yes." "I'm going Sunday to look it over but I'll be back." "After Christmas, Elise and I go for good." "I thought you and Max had split up." "No, I waited until he quit living with that woman." "You stayed at Loic's." "To keep the steam up." "Why let him step on me?" "Felicie, don't talk like that!" "It's not what you feel, and it's hard on Loic." "He knows you're going?" "I haven't told him." "I only found out this morning." "It's a matter of how to break it." "He'll be shattered." "I don't think so." "He's always expected me to leave him, that's nothing new." "But it's no fun for me, either." "I'm sorry to leave Loic." "In a way, I prefer him to Maxence." "If I stayed here," "I'd want him as a friend, but he wouldn't accept that." "He'd be right." "Why not marry him?" "You won't find a better man, he's crazy about you," "Personally..." "I much prefer him to your hairdresser." "You, maybe, but not me." "Loic's not my type, physically or mentally." "Mentally?" "What's wrong with him?" "Nothing, but..." "he's too much of an egghead." "That's OK in a friend, but I feel diminished." "I dunno...he's too sweet." "Sweet men are nice." "They're rare." "Not as rare as you think." "With your character, you dislike being dominated." "I do." "I don't like people I can blow over." "I won't be dominated mentally, abut physically I like it." "I like strong men, not bookworms." "Some men are both." "I know." "Charles knew a lot, even more than Loic." "But he learned it from life, not from books." "Not Maxence." "Maxence..." "He has taste, he likes beautiful things." "He likes lovely women and I like handsome men." "For me, a man's beauty lies in his intelligence." "He's not as dumb as you think." "His intelligence is like Charles's, but more rough hone." "Rough "hewn"." "Hewn." "See?" "Maybe I'm no sharper than he is." "SATURD AY, DECEMBER 1 5" "You didn't bring much." "For 2 days..." "You may stay on." "This the old town?" "No, the shopping district." "The salon's on the corner." "Terrific location." "Yeah." "It's darling." "It's chic!" "It's huge!" "Like it?" "It's fine." "Room for at least 5 people to work here." "For now, we're only 3." "We can decorate it later." "I like it. 1900-style." "Nice sinks." "Infra-reds, too." "It's really equipped." "That's not all." "Come see the love nest." "I'll carry it." "Go on up." "I'm impressed." "I'll lead the way." "It's roomy." "Like it?" "A lot." "You've got furniture?" "They left some." "We can junk it if you want." "No, it's comfortable." "Your books won't fill the shelves." "We'll use knickknacks." "There are the closets." "Handy." "This is the kitchen." "And here's the bedroom." "I know, it's not your style." "This is the room I'd paint first." "We'll dump the cherubs." "Aren't they cupids?" "SUND AY, DECEMBER 1 6" "No regrets?" "No." "Antique ceramics...from Nevers." "Beautiful." "Those are cupids." "Really?" "See the arrows?" "They're sons of Venus." "Isn't that the Venus by..." "what's his name?" "Botticelli." "Yes, that's it." "ARCHAEOLOGICAL MUSEUM." "Look at these twisted jars." "That's pretty." "Like perfume jars." "What's a reliquary?" "It's the glass coffin that's used to eyhibit her." "She has a straight nose!" ""Street...of pretty mittens"..." "In the street of pretty mittens..." "There are pretty little kittens..." "But no stray cats!" "I've got my little kitten." "And me my big tomcat." "I love you." "In the street of pretty mittens..." ""Break-neck street"." "Beautiful walls." "I love them." "Up we go!" "Don't run." "I'm not." "I'm worn out." "Come on!" "Lovely." "The Loire River?" "Yes." "Before the bridge was built, a patrol helped pilgrims across." "They walked across?" "Sure." "What's that...tower?" "Part of the old walls." "Shall we go see?" "Ok." "What's weird is he never gave you his address." "He was offered several restaurants, and had to go inspect them." "He must've lived somewhere." "I don't know." "He didn't say where he was going?" "Yes, but I forgot." "It's not a familiar name." "I just know it's in America." "North?" "I assume so." "Maybe it was South America." "No, it was the United States." "North or South, I didn't care," "I'd have followed him anywhere." "I never thought I could louse up my address." "How dumb can you be?" "You didn't know where you lived?" "Yes, but I wrote one word for another, as I often do." "What's that called?" "A slip of the tongue." "that's it, a slip." "I meant Levallois, and I said Courbevoie." "Why?" "It just happened." "Think so?" "I noticed it 6 months later." "I made the same slip on the maternity-clinic forms." "That's when I knew I gave him a bum address." "Before tat, you thought he'd forgotten you?" "No, I thought he was dead." "Never thought of getting rid of the child?" "It never occurred to me." "It's against my convictions." "Not religious convictions..." "Religion and I don't get along," "But convictions that are..." "Personal..." "Intimate, I'd say." "That's it, intimate." "I dislike what's contrary to nature." "I'd lost Charles, but..." "I had his child." "A child and some photos." "He had neither." "I bet he thought you'd dumped him." "No." "He must have, if you gave him a false address." "I know what he thought!" "It's an assumption, but as good as yours!" "What'd he think?" "When I realized my slip," "I was pregnant but still working." "When my Levallois house was condemned," "I moved to Mum's." "I went to the post office in Courbevoie." "They were nice enough, but knew nothing." "They keep no records." "If there's no return address, they throw it out." "And general delivery?" "I tried it, thanks." "Nothing." "I noticed there was also a Victor Hugo St. in Courbevoie." "I went there, in case someone found a letter." "And guess what!" "I dunno." "There was no such number?" "There had been a No.36, but it was being demolished, too." "I figured if Charles had looked for me... and I'm certain he did... he'd think it wasn't my fault that his letter was returned!" "That's assuming a lot." "It's perfectly logical." "Anyway, it gave me courage." "When I met Loic, the following year, he really helped me." "He wrote to lots of organizations, but I had a major handicap:" "I didn't know his name." "His last name?" "At the restaurant he was Charles." "He was moonlighting, so no pay slip." "He had a Danish or Dutch name, with an "eh" in it or an "er"...den, den, der..." "He knew your name." "So what?" "I always live with someone." "Mum uses her maiden name, my sisters married." "I'm the girl no one can find." "Poor kid." "You were really out of luck." "I was dumb!" "Stark, raving dumb!" "Stark, raving mad." "We don't say "stark, raving dumb"" "See, I'm inarticulate." "It can happen to anyone." "All that's over, I don't want to dwell on it." "Forget it." "I want to think only of you." "I want to love only you." "You want to love me?" "Yes." "Don't ask too much of me now." "I love you, but I want to love you more." "A little more." "A little?" "Yes, it won't take much." "but it can't just come right away." "Rely on me." "I'm patient." "I can wait." "I understand, I won't push." "Trust me?" "Yes, or I wouldn't be here." "MOND AY, DECEMBER 1 7." "It's me!" "Mummy's here." "Flowers." "Good morning, Mummy!" "Good morning." "Pretty, is that for me?" "It's for Mummy." "That, that and that, for everyone." "That's a princess." "It's a doll with a crown on her head." "I see the crown." "Your mind still made up?" "More than ever." "It's nice there." "Elise will like it." "When do you leave?" "Right after Christmas." "I have to stay to hand things over." "I'll be swamped in work." "That's the most urgent." "TUESD AY, DECEMBER 1 8 ...I'm not partisan." "He sure doesn't favor women..." ""You're morally unfit for marriage", he says." "Men and women are the same." "Ok, but he..." "They're equal..." "Not all of them, he still protects Ricky, says" "He's "physically unfit for marriage"" "Because he limps..." "And he says" ""Women assert nature's rights," ""but nature's not worth a hoot, or maybe just a whimper.'" "Felicie" "Hello." "We're having a discussion." "Felicie, meet Quentin." "Have you read "The Longest Journey"?" "No." "I read it so long ago I've forgotten it." "You haven't, we were just talking about it." "Their discussion about the cow and reality." "When he strikes a match, they're in the room in Cambridge, and a character mentions a cow..." "That's philosophy..." "There's more in the book than that." "It's important to explore the existence of reality." "So you saw that?" "He says so in Chapter 1." "But how do you see Ricky," "Who will experience reality?" "Ricky appears gradually in the story, first against the philosophical tale at the start..." "So you think he's the..." "The key character." "Not to me." "Leave it, Felicie, I'll take care of it." "You OK?" "I'm fine." "Can we help?" "No, thanks, Edwige." "Dinner's ready." "We've all lived an incalculable number of lives." "Think so?" "I'm certain. you're at least in your 500th life.' 500's impossible." "How do you know?" "You're not just some mineral growth," "You didn't reach your spiritual level is only a few years, 3 or 4 lives." "But I did!" "Cats have nine lives..." "It's a maximum for us." "Maybe you were a cat, right, Loic?" "If one can believe such things..." "Edwige always goes overboard." "Loic, you're one Catholic who rejects the supernatural." "That's not supernatural, it's superstition." "It's not superstition." "There's no difference between your supernatural and mine." "You make one, but backwards." "You buy the supernatural in everything but Christianity, and get suckered." "By whom?" "Charlatans." "No charlatan has suckered me." "I don't belong to a sect." "I have no guru." "I don't give away money." "I buy books, but only in a sale." "You're hooked by the charlatanism of the Church." "You accept the miracle of Lourdes but reject my ideas." "My faith doesn't rest on miracles." "I may not be a perfect Catholic, but they turn me off." "Yet you're a believer?" "Of course." "Without the supernatural, there's no religion." "Your supernatural isn't real." "What's real supernaturalism?" "What's is magic, not religion." "Magic?" "All religions have believed in reincarnation." "It's compatible with..." "Christianity." "I say it isn't." "Why not?" "It's not a moral idea." "It eliminates responsibility." "You can only be responsible for one life." "You'll never shed your moralism." "Why should I?" "I disagree." "If a spirit lives in many bodies, it gradually grows perfect." "Responsibility is preserved." "That sounds fine, but to me it's meaningless." "I know, I'm ignorant." "He's the ignorant one!" "He can't see beyond the Gospels." "All great minds have believed in metempsychosis, meaning reincarnation." "Including poets." "Victor Hugo:" ""So a beast comes and goes," ""Roars, screams, bites." ""A tree is there, its branches bristling," ""A paving stone collapses" ""In the road that carts crush and winter ruins." ""Under those thicknesses of matter" ""and of night, tree, beast, stone, weight that nothing raises," ""In that terrible depth," ""A soul dreams." ""What does it do?" "It dreams of God."" "Well done!" "When will we meet again?" "After the holidays." "If you like." "Well, good karma!" "Happy Karmic year." "Your purse." "My purse!" "Happy new year." "And to you." "Karmic or not." "It will be." "Take care, Felicie." "Have fun, you two." "You didn't expect a crowd." "Were you bored?" "No." "I tried to tell you on the phone, but you hung up." "Sorry, I had a customer." "I'd have come anyway." "I had something important to say." "Very important." "What?" "Something that couldn't wait." "So spit it out." "I've reached a decision." "What decision?" "Wait, making a decision is not always easy." "There are pros and cons." "Then you decide because you must." "Come on, tell me!" "I'm leaving with Maxence." "For his hick town?" "He has his beauty salon." "It's no hick town." "Nevers is big." "Know it?" "Yeah, you told me, it's his home town." "He's dumped that woman?" "I hope so." "You hope!" "An expression." "You know it ended long ago." "And Elise?" "She'll go with us." "When do you leave?" "Me, in a week." "He's already gone." "So soon?" "And you're only telling me now?" "You act first and tell me later." "You needn't have told me." "Why'd you bother to come?" "He told me about it Friday morning and left at once." "I went there Saturday to visit him, and got back last night." "I guessed from your message something was up." "You're not a good liar." "I didn't lie." "I said I wasn't sure I was free." "Not for the same reasons." "Anyway, you've known for 5 days!" "I couldn't say it on the phone." "I wanted to break it to you gently, now I've had to spring it on you at bedtime." "Sorry, I loused it up." "I'd like us to split up peacefully." "since we'll remain friends... even if we see little of each other." "You're opposed, it hurts me to leave you, too, but I must." "You don't have to live with a man you don't love!" "I love Maxence!" "I always told you I did." "That's why I insisted he leave that girl, since he said it was over." "You never told me." "I'm telling you now!" "That's new." "You said you loved only your daughter's father." "There's love and love." "I lived Charles, still do, totally." "I love Maxence another way." "I love you, too." "It's not real love." "It's not real with Maxence, either!" "Making love with him doesn't mean I love him." "I don't know if you see." "I love him as a man I can live with even if I'd rather live with someone else who's absent." "Many women would rather live with some other man, but he's not real, he's a dream." "For me, the dream was reality." "An absent reality." "Listen, perhaps I'm going because of Charles, so that he'll be just a dream, maybe that's better." "I thought I saw Charles in the street Friday." "You thought?" "I'm sure it wasn't him, but I have visions." "There's a tiny chance I might find him in Paris:" "It obsesses me." "In Nevers, there's no hope, so my mind's free." "Who knows, he might go there, just like you?" "Don't put ideas in my head." "I can get a job in the sticks, too." "You mustn't sacrifice yourself for me." "It's no sacrifice if I'm with you." "Nothing else matters." "You need a woman who loves you as you love her." "I'll never love you enough." "You know that." "Go with your Maxence, he loves you and you love him!" "I sincerely wish you happiness." "Loic!" "Loic!" "Stop it!" "I hate sympathy!" "If we're breaking up, let's do it fast," "I was getting my hopes up." "Better a clean break." "Listen, Loic," "I'm sad, maybe sadder than you" "Sure!" "I'll miss you as a friend." "I can't replace you." "But you won't miss me long as a woman, I hope." "If I'm here, you won't meet the love of your life." "She exists." "You're lucky I'm leaving." "I'm not kidding." "I mean it from the bottom of my heart." "I believe you mean it from the bottom of your heart." "Know why I love you?" "Because you're beautiful, but that's not enough." "Why?" "Because I feel I can read your heart." "One can rarely read people's hearts." "Sometimes I lie." "Not about important things." "I won't find that in another woman." "Don't say that." "Why?" "It'll keep you from loving someone else." "Then you'll be to me what Charles is to you." "Don't joke about Charles." "That's different." "You don't love me as much as I did him." "and I don't love you a tenth as much as he did me." "I don't want to go home." "Can I sleep upstairs?" "I'll go up, it's unheated." "You stay here." "No, I'm going up." "Don't fuss, I'm warm-blooded." "As you wish." "No kiss?" "Sleep well." "I'll try." "TUESD AY, DECEMBER 25" "Feliecie'll be away for Jan. 1?" "Here's the Yule log..." "There's a squirrel." "Want the squirrel?" "And the Christmas tree." "There's a Santa Claus." "You want a Santa Claus, too?" "I know he's here." "There he is!" "This interest you?" "No, but I'll give it to Coralie." "Taking that with you?" "Yes, why not?" "Your boyfriend might not like it." "Too bad." "It's none of his business." "Elise has a right to her father's photo in her room." "Maybe, I dunno." "Why?" "Should you tell her so much about her father, now that she's getting a foster father?" "She knows he's not her real Dad." "I'm lucky to have the picture, so why hide it?" "A child should know what her Dad's like." "but he's disappeared." "He could reappear, maybe after I die." "You can't count on that, as you know." "You give her false hopes." "It's frustrating for a kid." "Hope's better than nothing." "Then she can tell the kids in school," ""I have a daddy, too, he's away, but he's handsome..."" "At her age, she can't tell if a man's handsome." "Yes, she can." "She knows Charles is handsomer than Loic." "She tell you that?" "I told her, and she believes me." "You're overdoing it." "She believes me because she knows." "I don't think Loic is bad-looking." "I prefer Loic to him." "A matter of taste." "Handsome or not, Loic's not my style." "I love nothing about him, the whole or the parts." "I don't love his nose, his eyes or his mouth." "Your nose is rather like his." "yes, and I've always hated my nose." "Yours is straighter." "If Loic and I had kids, our noses would add up to a horror." "I have proof..." "No, a sign that I don't love him." "I wouldn't want children with him, but I could with Maxence." "I don't know, we'll see." "What is it?" "Nothing, I just said "Ah"." "Anyway, I've hardly seen your hairdresser." "To you he's beefy." "But I don't like skinny men." "I like'em well-padded." "I can't say he's bad, he's just too..." "Too handsome?" "Too pretty boy." "What's wrong with that?" "He's too regular." "I like classic beauty." "Don't forget I'm a beautician." "Beauty's my business." "He's too like a male model." "Say it, like an after-shave ad!" "I didn't mean that." "More like the sailor of my dreams." "He's no sailor, he's cook." "In a grand hotel." "No, in good little restaurants." "My Prince Charming is a cook." "If I'd saved enough money" "I could check every restaurant in America." "No chance of that now?" "Now I've made my choice." "Good or bad," "I don't know, but I had to choose." "You don't know?" "If you know, then it's not a choice." "There's always a risk." "Therefore, go slow." "You decided in a flash." "You like it there?" "Yeah..." "I couldn't really judge, it was Sunday." "But Nevers is a big, lively city." "You can still change your mind, you're not gone yet." "Why would i change my mind?" "You don't seem very fired-up." "About the city?" "The city or the guy." "A guy fired me up once." "That's enough." "I feel you chose Maxence over Loic, not the guy himself." "That's your imagination." "I was crazy about Charles," "I'm sad to drop Loic, and I'll be happy with Maxence." "Life will be peaceful with him." "I really need that." "Nevers is 1 49 miles from Paris," "I can visit you." "You can visit us." "We'll tour the area." "WESDNESD AY, DECEMBER 26" "He's not here, we'll take a cab." "Wait." "With you in minute." "Good morning." "Had a good trip?" "You alright, Elise?" "Give Maxence a kiss." "We'll put that there." "Let's go up." "Sorry, I'm busy for another 1 5 minutes." "I could've come, but..." "Forgive me?" "Doesn't matter." "Come upstairs, Elise." "This is Maxence's and Mommy's room." "I'll show you yours." "See your big bed?" "Like it?" "What's the matter?" "Mind living over a beauty salon?" "No, we have our apartment." "It'll be nice and quiet..." "That's nice." "Mommy" "I'd have carved the chicken." "No problem." "It's easy." "You OK?" "I just didn't expect company." "I could've helped you." "Shit!" "Leave it!" "Take that in." "Thank you." "THURSD AY, DECEMBER 27." "Here, Michelle." "Thanks, Madam." "Call me Felicie." "No, call her Madam, she's the boss." "I've an appointment." "Michelle," "I'm going up." "Michelle, hello." "I'll be back." "You OK?" "What's wrong?" "Why's there no garden?" "It's on the terrace." "That's not a garden." "It's not like Grandma's." "Loic has a garden." "But Loic's house is tiny." "This one's big." "Why?" "That's how it is." "There's a garden over there..." "You saw it when we got here." "Sharp girl." "It's too cold now." "I have my coat." "I can't take you." "I have to stay." "Why?" "I've work to do." "Oh, it's a slow morning..." "Put your coat on, we're going out." "No." "Make up your mind." "We're going out for a bit." "Don't be long." "We'll get busy later." "Come here." "There." "Fetch the ball." "Go on!" "We're going home now." "Come on, Elise." "It's a church?" "It's a cathedral." "Let's go." "Now what?" "I want to see the Nativity." "What's the matter?" "I want to see the church." "We haven't time now." "We do!" "OK, just for a moment." "See little Jesus." "Recognize him?" "Come along now." "I want to stay!" "You can look, but don't touch." "You have customers waiting!" "Sorry, Elise needed air." "You said a couple of minutes, that was 2 hours ago!" "You called me the boss." "I'll do my part." "Go up to your room." "Thank you." "This your coat?" "The child's hungry, I'm going up for a while." "Thank you, Madam." "Happy holidays." "Thanks, you too." "Good-bye, happy holidays." "The little man was very nice, and the witch's family was wicked..." "Lunch." "Why was it wicked?" "It was mad at the little boy." "Felicie, you hear me?" "I'm in the kitchen." "It was mad at him and so it was mad at the bear and the little boy." "Why was it mad?" "'Cause the little bear and the little boy, helped all people with problems." "I see." "What's up?" "Nothing." "I've been thinking." "We need to get organized." "You can't tend to Elise and work during the holidays." "We should hire a temp, or a nursemaid." "How about it?" "You decide." "It's beside the point." "So what's the point?" "Eat!" "Come on." "Sorry." "I didn't mean to offend you calling you the boss." "It's a matter of organization." "I'm going back home." "What?" "I've decided to return to Paris." "Why?" "What have you suddenly got against me?" "Nothing special." "Nothing's changed." "I love you as I did before, no more, no less." "Well, then?" "Not enough to live with you." ""How much is enough"?" "Enough!" "I can only live with a man I'm madly in love with." "I'm not crazy about you." "This is insane!" "It's mad to be mad about someone." "But I'm mad." "You have to take me as I am." "You can't devote your life to a nut!" "You're not crazy." "My flash decision to come was mad." "You decided in a flash to leave!" "That's different." "I don't see why." "It is..." "My first decision was made just to decide.," "I wasn't seeing clearly." "You see clearly now?" "Very." "I've never seen so clearly before." "Suddenly things became very clear." "What's clear?" "What I said:" "I can't live with a man I'm not mad about!" "To you, that's just words, but not to me." "Seeing doesn't mean I understand." "But that's how it is!" "What is all this?" "I don't get it at all." "You can't understand." "I'm the one who saw, not you." "Let me go!" "Listen!" "Let go, it hurts!" "Tough!" "I rarely lose my temper, but when I do, watch out!" "It's lousy, with things going so well." "You're tired." "I'll hire a temp for a week, longer if you like." "Forget the salon." "You'll have time to fix this place up." "I'm going back to Paris!" "Let go or I'll slug you!" "Sorry, but it's physical." "I won't be held by force, especially today." "I'm leaving anyway, so let's part friends." "I can't love you in these conditions." "Conditions can change." "I mean they're so final." "Don't come near me!" "Grant me one thing." "You can do as you please, but wait a bit." "Give me that token of trust." "I won't talk to you of friendship, much less love." "No, it would be pointless." "I'm ashamed to do this to you." "It puts you in an awkward spot." "Questions will be asked." "Well?" "You covet respectability." "So don't leave." "The faster I go, the fewer questions there'll be." "Don't worry about me." "I'll tell the truth." "That you're depressed, but you'll be better soon." "Anyway, you're tired." "What're you doing for lunch?" "Come on, I'll take you out." "Not across the street, it's noisy." "We'll go to the fancy place." "Don't touch me again, Max." "Alright." "I'm going out." "I need some air, too." "You can't say I get in your way." "See you at the restaurant." "Finished?" "No chicken?" "I'm full." "OK, eat your cheese and we're off." "We're going to Grandma's." "We're not staying?" "No, we'll take the train." "Why?" "Like that." "Basically, you're pleased, no?" "What's basically mean?" "Down deep." "I know you understand." "What's going on?" "Nothing wrong." "I changed my mind." "Did you quarrel?" "No." "He was sweet, didn't try to stop me." "I felt guilty:" "he introduced me as his wife." "It dented his respectability, but he doesn't care a damn." "How do you know?" "He said so." "Put your coat away." "The lights aren't blinking." "Go on." "Come back later." "He doesn't care a damn for you, either?" "No, he understands." "Understands what?" "Don't live with a woman who doesn't love you." "You told me you loved him." "Not enough to live with him" "Ok, why should I defend him?" "I always thought you chose wrong." "There are no good or bad choices." "Choice shouldn't come into it." "You'll have to choose someday." "OK, I chose." "That's past now, Let's forget it." "I want my mind clear." "I'll find a 2-room apartment for Elise and me." "A job's no problem:" "the Saint-Clair salon wanted me." "At least I hope they still do." "And Loic?" "Oh, Loic..." "FRID AY, DECEMBER 28" "That's not bad." "Felicie!" "Haven't you left yet?" "Yes, now I'm back." "Back?" "Am I in the way?" "No." "Come into my office." "And Maxence?" "He stayed." "I left him." "Oh yeah?" "Sit down." "It's weird, we didn't even quarrel." "He said something that hurt me." "It was the last straw." "What happened before that?" "Nothing...a feeling." "It was coming apart." "What was?" "Everything." "The first time I went to Nevers, it all worked:" "the town, the house, the people." "The second time it was lousy." "First I saw the pluses, then the minuses." "Excuse me." "Hello." "...Yes, absolutely..." "Thanks for calling." "He didn't just let you go!" "He did." "I thought we'd argue for hours." "I saw it coming:" "take your time, think it over, there's no rush." "He said it all, then turned and went out to eat." "I see." "I couldn't hold you by force." "And arguing with you is useless." "You usually argue." "With me you argued less...than usual." "I thought that because things were really serious," "I could only hold you by letting you go." "It didn't work." "You came back." "But not to you." "Well, maybe a little." "What do you want men to do?" "Use force?" "Grovel at your feet?" "Threaten suicide?" "You know I don't." "I'm delighted you were both so sweet to me, but I still think it's weird." "Why weird?" "Because it is." "You start out yelling, then suddenly stop." "That's normal." "We control ourselves." "With me it was too easy." "When people don't resist, I feel..." "Confused?" "That's right." "I drift." "It's an odd feeling." "It figures, if you keep changing your mind." "What will you do now?" "You lost your job." "I found another..." "I'll get the answer today." "The pay's better than at Maxence's." "I can rent a small place for me and Elice." "Where?" "I'll find one." "Move in with me." "We can fix up the room upstairs." "I didn't leave Maxence to go back to you!" "I'm just suggesting a friendly arrangement." "That's sweet." "But you don't mean it." "I do mean it, but I thought you'd say no." "Then why'd you ask me?" "Maybe I could persuade you." "I'm not starting again." "If I ever live in a man's home, it won't be yours." "Don't look so sad." "You know why?" "I love you." "Not enough to live with you, only to ruin your life." "You're not!" "Don't start again!" "At least my leaving clarified things." "Now we can be real friends." "You don't want to?" "OK." "OK for real?" "OK for real." "I feel like being with you." "Got plans?" "I'm going to the theatre." "Alone?" "Yes." "If we get there early, we can get you a ticket." "I don't know if you'll like it." "What's on?" "Shakespeare." "I know "Romeo and Juliet"?" "No, "The Winter's Tale"." "What's it about?" "I've read the play." "It's pretty far-fetched." "Complicated?" "No." "But lots of..." "Sorry." "Lots of fantastic things happen." "People who were thought dead, exiles who reappear resurrected." "I can't tell you the plot." "OK." "If it's like "Romeo", I'll like it." "See you tonight." ""O Paulina, we honor you with trouble." ""But we came to see the statue of our queen:" ""Your gallery have we passed through," ""not without much content in many singularities." "But we saw not that which my daughter came to look upon:" ""the statue of her mother." ""As she lived peerless," ""so her dead likeness excels" ""whatever yet you looked upon," ""or hand of man hath done." ""Therefore I keep it lonely, apart." ""But here it is:" ""prepare to see the life as lively mocked" ""as ever still sleep mocked death." ""Behold..." ""And say 'tis well." ""I like your silence:" "it the more shows off your wonder." ""But yet speak:" ""First you, my liege." "Comes it not something near?" ""Her natural posture!" "Chide me, dear stone," ""that I may say indeed thou art Hermione." ""Or rather, thou art she in thy not chiding," ""for she was as tender as infancy and grace..." ""There's magic in thy majesty, which has my evils conjured to remembrance, and from thy admiring daughter took the spirits standing like stone with thee." ""Give me leave, and do not say 'tis superstition," ""that I kneel and then implore her blessing." ""Lady, dear queen," ""that ended when I but began," ""give me that hand of yours to kiss." ""O, patience!" "The statue is but new fixed, the color's not dry..." ""Do not draw the curtain!" "No longer shall you gaze on't lest your fancy may think anon it moves." ""Let be!" "Would I were dead, but that methinks already." ""See, my lord, would you not deem it breathed" ""and that those veins did verily bear blood?" "Masterly done!" "The very life seems warm upon her lip." "The fixture of her eye has motion in't" ""as we are mocked with art." ""I'll draw the curtain." "My lord's almost so far transported..." ""Let't alone..." ""Still methinks there is an air comes from her." ""What fine chisel could ever yet cut breath?" ""Let no man mock me, for I will kiss her." ""..." "My Lord, forbear." "The ruddiness upon her lip is wet;" "you'll mar it if you kiss it," ""Stain your own with oily painting..." "Either forbear, quit presently the chapel," "Or resolve you for more amazement." ""If you can behold it, I'll make the statue move..." "Descend, and take you by the hand..." "It is required you do awake your faith." "Then all stand still." ""Those who think it unlawful business... let them depart." "Proceed." "No foot shall stir." "Music, awake her." ""Strike!" ""'Tis time:" "Descend, be stone no more..." ""Strike all that look upon with marvel." "Come," "I'll fill your grave up." "Come away..." ""Bequeath to death your numbness," ""For from him dear life redeems you..." "Start not:" "her actions shall be holy as you hear my spell is lawful." ""Do not shun her..." "for then you kill her double." ""Nay, present your hand." ""When she was young you wooed her." ""Now, in age, is she become the suitor?" ""O, she's warm!" "If this be magic, let it be an art lawful as eating." "She embraces him." ""She hangs about his neck." ""If she pertain to life, let her speak too." "Ay, and make it manifest where she has lived," ""or how stol'n from the dead." "That she is living, were it but told you, should be hooted at..." "But it appears she lives, though yet she speak not." ""Mark a little while." ""Interpose fair madam, kneel and pray your mother's blessing." "Turn, good lady, Turn, good lady, our Perdita is found." ""You gods!" "Look down and from your sacred vials pour..." ""your graces upon my daughter's head!" "Tell me, mine own," ""where has thou been preserved?" "Where lived?" ""How found thy father's court?" "Thou shalt hear that I, knowing the oracle gave hope thou wast in being," ""have preserved myself to see the issue"" "Want a drink?" "I don't know." "Shall I take you home?" "Let's go to your place, I'll take a cab home." "Too expensive." "I'll take you." "I'll take a cab!" "We'll see." "I'm surprised it upset you so." "I react like a little girl." "When the statue moved I almost screamed." "I almost screamed, you squeezed my hand so hard." "I didn't realize." "The play's not plausible." "I don't like what's plausible." "One ambiguity bothers me." "Does magic bring the statue to life, or hadn't she ever died?" "You don't get it." "Faith brings her to life." "I'm more religious than you." "From some viewpoints." "Even from yours." "I'll tell you something that'll startle you." "Yesterday I prayed in church." "Where?" "In Nevers." "I had sort of a row with Maxence." "Something he said hurt me." "I went out to get it off my mind." "We passed the cathedral," "Elise wanted to see the Nativity." "Mum tells her about God, and sets up a Nativity at home." "So we went in." "While she looked, I sat on a chair." "And prayed?" "Yes...but not like I was taught as a kid." "In my own way." "It's more reflection than prayer." "Meditation." "That's it." "When you have something on your mind," "When you've slept badly and face a decision, a kind of excitement in the brain makes you think faster." "That's what I felt, but a hundred times stronger." "Suddenly, everything was clear, it was..." "Dazzling?" "I wasn't dazzled, I saw everything clearly." "What did you see?" "It's hard to say." "I didn't think, I saw my thoughts." "All my reasoning on whether to leave or not came in a flash." "And I saw it," "I saw what I had to do, and saw I was right." "You mean return to Paris?" "Before, I'd tried to choose, then I saw there was no choice." "I didn't have to choose something I didn't want." "See?" "I know it sounds trite, but suddenly it seemed obvious." "It's hard to explain." "I understand." "I've had lucid moments, although not that clear." "People who convert sometimes have these illuminations in church, like you." "but I didn't convert." "You believed already." "If I were God, I'd cherish you particularly." "Why?" "Because you were unjustly unhappy, and you can sacrifice your happiness, your life to a love that's out of reach." "Then God should give me back Charles." "That may not be the right request." "I'm not asking him for anything." "I didn't think of God," "though I do sometimes." "In that second that was so full of things," "I saw I was alone in the world:" "it was up to me to act, and not be pushed around by anyone or anything." "That won't help you find Charles." "I won't do things that keep me from finding him." "Besides..." "I thought of something else in that second..." "Maybe you're right:" "finding him's unlikely, he may be married, or doesn't love me." "But that's not reason for me to give up." "If even you admit your chances are nearly nil, why rein your life for...?" "Because if I find him, it'll be so... a joy so great I'll gladly give my life for it." "not everyone lives with hope." "You mean that?" "I believe it, even if it sounds stupid." "It's not stupid." "Someone very bright said it earlier." "Almost word for word." "I doubt if you've read it." "Shakespeare?" "No, Pascal." "A philosopher?" "In a way." "He calls it a bet:" "it you bet on immortality, the stake is so huge it makes up for the long odds." "Even if the soul isn't immortal, believing it is lets you live better." "I believe the soul's immortal, more than you do." "You believe in it only after death," "I say it exists before birth." "Maybe Edwige sold you on it, but not me." "I don't need her to believe in it." "To me it's obvious." "If the soul lives on afterward, why didn't it live before?" "What's a soul with no identity?" "Who are you if your previous life's a blank?" "I'm aware of mine." "It exists." "It's dim, but it exists." "You are, too, but you don't realize it." "Why am I certain I love Charles?" "How can I be absolutely sure?" "When I met him, I felt I'd been through it before." "How do you explain it unless we'd met in a former life?" "Stop, you're killing me." "It's not crap!" "It's instinctive science!" "But it's not Pascal this time." "Victor Hugo?" "Plato." "He's all we needed." "He believed in reincarnation, too." "Yes and no." "But that's another story." "The point is he reasoned just like you to prove the soul's immortal." "It's called reasoning be "recollection"." "You don't agree?" "I don't share the Greeks' religion." "Plato may not have, either." ""Cebes added:" "You doctrine, that knowledge is simply recollection," ""if true, also implies a previous time" ""in which we have learned" ""that which we now recollect." ""This would be impossible unless our soul..." "Careful, it's hot." ""...had been in some place" ""before existing in the form of man."" "That quote was on my college finals." "I haven't forgotten it." "But I see Plato's reincarnation doctrine as what's called a myth." "Yeah, mythology." "No." "It means he didn't really believe it as objective truth." "It was a convenient notion for his time," "Which doesn't prove the soul is immortal as a substance, but affirms the presence in our "learning"" "of something anterior to experience." "That's why it's so modern." "I'm boring you." "No, you amuse me." "You've taught me a lot." "I feel much less ignorant." "You gave me a yen to read." "But I don't have your mentality." "What mentality?" "You can't do without books." "If I say I love you," "You'll check to see if that's in a book." "To you, only what's written is true." "It's a gulf between us." "It doesn't bother me." "It does me." "You said you're glad you learned so much from me." "Yes, but I'll never be an egghead." "I don't want to be one." "I want to be me." "In the cathedral yesterday, I felt entirely myself." "5 years ago, I felt like me, too." "With you," "I feel good, but different." "Maybe we knew each other in a former life, too." "Yes." "You'd have been... my brother, maybe, not my lover." "There must've been some affection." "Maybe I was your dog or cat, or you were mine." "I don't want to go home." "I'd like to sleep with you, but I'll go right to sleep." "Alright." "SATURD AY, DECEMBER 29" "Wait, Elise, don't run!" "Wait for me, we'll get the tickets." "Look at its little tail." "Look at the lion in the cage..." ""Nice work." ""I told you so." ""Now I've seen it for myself."" "Wait for us!" "Why." "I can't go through." "Help her through." "We'll take the Metro." "You can go straight home." "Come to my house." "You can phone your mother." "We're going to Loic's." "SUND AY, DECEMBER 30" "Look at my beautiful castle." "It is beautiful." "They destroyed everything." "I'd like to live in a castle like that." "Maybe you can someday." "No, never." "Why not?" "I don't know." "It's OK, a bit cramped, but...she slept better than I did." "I think we're staying here today." "She was tired, and so am I." "We'll go for a drive with Loic." "Take care, Mum." "I'll put her on." "Elise, come here." "How are you, grandma?" "I'm fine." "I slept with Mummy in a big bed." "I knew there was a Sunday market." "It's great." "Come here often?" "Not in 1 0 years." "Hasn't changed much." "Behind those trees is a pretty little church." "The church!" "Yes, behind the trees." "Today's Sunday." "The church." "You mean I ought to go to mass." "No, I'm with you." "Unless you want to go, too." "Certainly not." "You went the other day." "On a weekday." "You're Catholic." "You should go to mass." "Maybe." "If I was alone." "But I won't bother you with that." "It's no bother." "Don't sacrifice your convictions for me." "You come too." "I won't sacrifice my convictions for you, either." "My convictions..." "You know how to pray." "Pray for me." "What'll you do, meanwhile?" "The shopping." "And we'll go to the park." "I'll go some other day." "No!" "Today!" "And you'll pray for me." "I always pray for you." "This time really do it for me." "I mean, as if you were me." "What'll I ask for?" "What I'd ask for." "Even if you don't agree." "I'm very demanding." "I do pray for your happiness, even if it's not mine." "Do it from the bottom of your heart." "I'll try." "What do you mean, you'll try?" "You do ask a lot of me." "See you later." "We going shopping?" "Ok" "I don't have to go away tomorrow." "I saw the family at Christmas." "For us, Christmas is what counts, not New Year's." "If you stay, what'll you do?" "Whatever you say." "Feel like spending a day at the shore?" "I'm tied up." "We're having a party at home." "At Christmas I wasn't there, one sister was away..." "Now they're all coming." "What if you'd stayed in Nevers?" "I'd have come up with Maxence." "You can come, you know." "As your fiance?" "Of course they'd think that." "It'd delight them at home." "I can't see myself at your folks' place." "Why not?" "Come." "You kidding!" "I'm not." "My brother and sister are coming, with their families." "I look silly there by myself." "I'm not your wife!" "What would your parents say?" "They're so Catholic..." "Yes, but broad-minded." "If I introduced you," "They'd think I want to marry you." "They want their son marrying an unwed mother?" "These days..." "I'm neither widowed nor divorced." "Charles might appear at any moment." "At any moment!" "No one believes that!" "You said you didn't either anymore." "any sensible woman is more likely be seduced by a stranger, than you are of meeting Elise's father, even assuming he still loves you." "That's how everyone figures it." "They're wrong!" "They only see things from outside." "Charles reappearing is not what matters." "He remains in my heart, so I can't give it to anyone else." "You say you're inarticulate, but sometimes you say things beautifully." "Because my feeling are speaking." "We'll go up." "Goodnight." "Give Loic a kiss." "Goodnight, Elise" "Goodnight." "Coming back down?" "Why?" "It's early." "You won't sleep right away." "There are lots of books." "You can read here." "I'll wake Elise when I go back up." "There's a bed here." "But you're in it." "I was on Friday, too." "That was different, I needed consolation." "the day was special." "And on ordinary days?" "We didn't sleep like brother and sister." "Why not continue?" "You ask God for that this morning?" "It's up to you, not to God." "He can't object to your being my wife." "If I don't want to, God doesn't either." "Now goodnight." "I'm feeling weak, don't take advantage of it." "Come on." "Sometimes I'd rather be you." "Don't say that." "I mean it." "MOND AY, DECEMBER 31." "Don't want me to come?" "No, I have to shop," "I've lots to do." "All right." "Have a nice New Year's Eve." "You too." "Happy New Year." "So long, Elise." "No, I wanna kiss Mummy." "Kiss Loic." "OK, we're off." "A kiss, Mummy." "Say good-bye." "Maybe we can buy him a teapot." "Pretty, aren't they?" "Close your mouth." "Sit straight." "Felicie!" "You're in France!" "Haven't been here long." "That your daughter?" "If you knew how dumb I am." "If you'd told me." "I'd have understood." "It's not what you think." "I told you the wrong town!" "What?" "The wrong town!" "I said Courbevoie instead of Levallois." "Why?" "Nothing." "Like that, stupidly." "A slip." "No." "Yes." "Felicie, this is Dora." "Charles has spoken of you." "What a terrible things to happen!" "I was so dumb I gave her no address at all." "Why not?" "I was moving around." "I could have given her a mail drop." "You think others can't make errors." "This was a tremendous error." "I know." "If I'd left an address," "I wouldn't have had this problem." "You're funny!" "Give me your address." "I'll call you." "Please, open the door." "You're crazy!" "You're crazy!" "Give me your address!" "but your wife...!" "She's not my wife, she's a friend." "At least take my address, so I can't intrude on your life." "Not scared I'll intrude on yours?" "No, I've no woman in my life now." "No children, either." "No wife?" "No children?" "Why would I lie to you?" "I believe you've no wife." "About the child..." "Oh, no." "This is my daughter?" "Doesn't she look like you?" "And you tried to run away!" "You're crazy!" "I thought you were taken." "Even if I was married, or whatever..." "I couldn't have stood it." "What's her name?" "Ask her." "what's your name?" "Elise." "Elise." "Ask her what your name is." "And my name?" "Daddy." "This is impossible!" "I showed her your photos." "I had none of you." "You recognized me anyway." "You live near here?" "No." "I have to take a bus to my mother's." "What are you doing now?" "Nothing special." "I'll go with you if you like." "Unless..." "Now that I've got you, I won't let go." "Let's catch the bus." "Mum?" "I've brought you a cook." "A cook?" "Hi." "Why, it's..." "It's Charles." "It's Daddy." "We met on a bus." "On a bus?" "Really?" "How amazing!" "On a bus." "She recognized him at once." "Happy you found your Daddy?" "Come on please." "Thank you." "My little Daddy..." "I'm thinner than I was." "Not too much, you're still OK." "Even without photos," "I didn't...forget you." "You've had other women in all this time, right?" "It never jelled." "There were 2, and I left them with no regrets." "I knew Dora, before I met you." "We date when I'm in Paris, catch up on each other." "I won't have to tell her this bit." "And you?" "You must have someone, no?" "I left him for someone else 2 weeks ago." "And the "someone else"?" "I left him for a week ago, for you." "For me?" "You didn't know we'd meet." "I had a premonition." "I'm settling in France." "In Paris?" "On the Brittany coast." "You coming with me?" "to do what?" "Help me." "In the kitchen?" "As cashier, manager, whatever." "So I'd be the boss." "I'd like that with you." "Then you'll come?" "Wait!" "Recently I said yes right away, without a real commitment." "This time it's a lot more serious." "I agree." "What's wrong?" "Felicie, are you crying?" "I'm not..." "They're tears of joy." "Got a tissue?" "What's the matter, sweetie?" "Mummy will be back." "She's with Daddy." "Aren't you happy to have your Daddy?" "You mustn't cry!" "They're tears of joy." "Never mind, Mum, I'll get it." "Coming!" "Hello!" "How thoughtful of you." "Hi, Mom." "Hi." "Can I open it?" "Sure." "Can I open it?" "It's for you." "The sailor's back." "The sailor?" "It's what we called you." "You?" "Amazing!" "You found our address?" "My sister, my brother-in-law." "Nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you." "We met on a bus." "No kidding!" "That's astonishing!" "The things that happen!" "But Felicie has premonitions..." "I felt you felt something was in the air..."