""Imaginationland:" "Episode 2" a.k.a The Drying of the Balls" "I'm going down to South Park, gonna have myself a time," "Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation," "I'm goin out to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind," "Ample parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbor," "I'm heading out to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind," "I like fucking silly bitches and I know my penis likes it." "So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine," "Previously on Battlestar Galactica:" " What is this place?" " This... is Imaginationland." "Allah!" "We have to get out of here!" " Hold on, fellas!" " Butters!" "Terrorists have just attacked... our imagination." "If the terrorists blow that barrier, all the most evil things ever imagined" " are gonna pour out." " Allah!" "Butters!" "Time for breakfeast." "But..." "Oh, jeez, it was just a dream." "C'mon, Butters, Mom's cooked waffles and nanas for you." "Oh, Mom, Dad!" "I dreamed I was in Imaginationland and then terrorists attacked it..." "You are in Imaginationland!" "This is a dream." "Hey, wake up, stupid!" "C'mon, wake up, kid!" "No, wait!" "Well, I was back home in bed!" "No, you passed out and peed your pants!" "Look!" "The evil of Imaginationland is coming out!" " Oh, hamburguers!" " Allah!" "Everyone fall back to the Gumdrop Forest!" "Come with me, little boy." "I'm going to get you home!" "It's Alien!" "Predator!" "Look, we already told you everything we know!" "Some guy just showed up in a big balloon and took us into Imaginationland." "What we want to know is how!" "We need to find a way into Imaginationland." "You've been there." "How did you do it?" "We just...." "went on a balloon ride." "There must have been some kind of portal or doorway." "Dude, we don't remember." "Do you realize what's going on here?" "Terrorists have attacked our imagination and now our imaginations are running wild" "You better start remembering!" "It was the Chinese, wasn't it?" "What?" "We've suspected that the Chinese government was working on a doorway to the imagination." " Is that where you were?" " No!" "That's it, isn't it?" "Where do the Chinese keep this portal?" "How does it work?" " Is it better than ours?" " Your what?" "Our portal to the imagination build as a secret project back in 1962 to fight the Soviets..." "Tom!" "That's super secret!" "Oh, I'm sorry, sir." "Wait." "The US government has a portal to the imagination?" "Oh, see?" "Good job, Tom!" "Why don't you just tell them everything about Project X?" "Yes, sir!" "We build a portal to the imagination to use against the Russians during the Cold War" " but we never..." " That was sarcasm!" "I was being sarcastic, you fucking idiot!" "Oh, jeez, I'm really sorry, sir" "If you already built a doorway to the imagination, then why do you need us?" "Alright, we might as well show it to 'em." "Goddamn it, Tom." "Every night the dream is the same..." "I'm on my way to visit my friend Kyle... because we had a bet that if I could prove leprechauns were real, he would suck my balls." "And it turns out, I was right." "Time to pay up, Kyle." "But then..." "No!" "No!" "It's been taken from me." "I have dry balls." "Balls so dry, they explode like dust." "You okay, kid?" "No." "I've got dry balls." "And I'm running out of time." "Ever since the Cold War, the US government has been working on a secret project to build a doorway into the imagination." "It is called..." "Project Imagination Doorway." "That's not very imaginative." "According to all the test and the data, the doorway should work but... it never has." "But we're close, sir." "We're real close." "They've been saying that for over 40 years." "You're the ones, right?" "The kids that have been inside the imagination." "I--I guess." "What was the sequence that got you inside?" "We know there's some kind of resonance code, but we can't figure it out." "Look, we're sorry, you guys, but the balloon just went up in the air and the dude sang a song and we were suddenly there." "Song?" "You didn't say anything about a song before." "What song?" "The imagination song?" "That could be it." "The fractal convertor has never worked because it was waiting for a multitonal code." "Quick, boys!" "How does the imagination song go?" "Imagination..." "Imagination..." "Sir, I'm getting some electro feedback from the gate." "It's weak, but it's nano-responding to something." "Was there more to the imagination song?" "How does the rest of it go?" "Imagination." "Imagina" "No, no, dude, it went up there..." " Imaginaa-a.." " Imagina-a.." "Dude, we don't remember!" "It was really long and stupid." "I'm just about through playing with you, boys." "We're running out of time!" "You have to remember that song in its entirety!" "Mayor, mayor, what are we supossed to do?" "Please, sir, I have to get home to my world!" "Oh, well!" "All you have to do is tap your heels together three times." "Really?" "No, you fucking dipshit!" "That was a joke." "Mayor, what are we supossed to do, snarf, snarf?" "Get to Castle Sunshine." "It's your only hope!" " Castle Sunshine?" " Through the Gumdrop Forest." "Others will be hiding there." "Go, run!" "Look out for the evil characters!" "They're assembling on the Yum-Yum Mountain!" "We are free!" "Now all of Imaginationland is ours!" "Not all, foolish orc." "There are still parts of Imaginationland we don't control." "Tomorrow, we shall build our own castle, right on this spot." "Who put you in charge, Krueger?" "I am the most evil character here." "Nonsense!" "Your evil is stale." "I am the most evil imaginary character!" "Now c'mon, y'all." "We shouldn't be fighting." "We supossed to all be on the same side." "Yeah, you're right, Squirrely Squirrel." "Yeah!" "What evil imaginary characters are they?" "They were dreamed up by some fourth grade kid as part of his Christmas story." "Now c'mon, y'all." "We can't waste time arguing." "There could still be survivors out there." "We need to hunt them down and kill them." " And eat their flesh!" " First, we should rape them!" "How about we kill them and then rape their bodies so we can use their blood as lubricant?" "Say, that's a great idea, Beary Bear." "Man, I do not want to meet the kid that dreamed those things up." "Look, I want some goddamn answers!" "You brought my friend here to Washington!" "Where is he?" "What is going on?" "I'm sorry, sir, that information is clasified." "Something is going on and I have a right to now where my friend is." "There's somebody asking a lot of questions about what's going on." "Let me handle this." "I'm sorry, but there is no such thing as Project Imagination Doorway." "Imagination Doorway..." "It was started in the 60's as a secret government project." "Right." "Imagina-a-tion." "Imagi..." "Wait, maybe that's where he went really flat." "Like that half-step key change..." "Imagina-eetion." "Right, then it was.." "Imagination." "Imagination, Imagina-a-tion!" "It's open, it's open!" "Getting readings from the other side..." "That... that's it!" "We've made an opening to our imagination, sir!" "Alright, that's enough!" "We still got a lot of work to do, people!" "It's time to go in and get our imaginations under control." "How much further to Castle Sunshine?" "Snarf, I'm not sure, snarf, snarf." "I've never been." " What was that?" " Over here." "Oh, Christ!" "It's Strawberry Shortcake." "Please, let me go!" "Oh, my God!" "Snarf." "Now kill her." "Whoa, whoa, hang on, y'all!" "We can't just kill her, that's not evil enough!" "What do you mean?" "We cut out her eyeball." "Yeah, that's super hardcore." "Now c'mon, y'all We can do better than that!" "Hey, I know!" "Let's all pee in her empty eye socket!" "Let's make her eat her own eyeball and then pee in her empty eye socket." "How about we get someone with AIDS to pee in her eye socket so she dies all slowly?" "Yeah!" "Nobody hear has AIDS!" "But we've got to have AIDS before we pee in her eye socket!" "Now, don't be down, y'all." "I bet we can find some AIDS down the forest." "Run, run, run!" "Alright, men." "We don't know what you'll experience on the other side of this doorway, but it will most likely be really weird." "If you reach our imagination, you are to take every step necessary to get it under control." " Are you ready?" " Yes, sir!" "Are you ready, Kurt Russel?" "I..." "I don't understand why I'm here, I..." "I'm just an actor." "Yes, but you were in that one movie that was kinda like this." "That gives you more experience than anybody." "Alright, here we go." "Men... forward!" " Sir, we have a security breach!" " What?" "There's an unauthorized entry alert." "It's coming from sector two!" "Sector two?" "Cartman?" "Hello, Kyle!" "Thought you could get out of your responsibilities, huh?" " Who the hell are you?" " That kid you have made a bet... that if I could prove I saw a leprechaun, he would suck my balls!" "Get him outta here!" "Hold on a second!" "I have a contract!" "Validated by the United States Court System!" "Let me see that!" "Why would you agree to suck someone's balls?" "I didn't think there was gonna be a goddamn leprechaun!" "Alright, you two can go use the conference room." " Go on, we have work to do here." " What?" " Wait!" "I wanna see what happens here!" " You signed an agreement, kid." "We don't have time for this, go on and do it." "Stan?" "Dude, you did make a deal." "The conference room is which way?" "Well, well, well, here we are, Kyle." "You tried to bail on our agreement, but I found you." "I didn't bail." "I got picked up by the government." "Well, we're here now." "That's all that matters." "Care for some nuts?" "Oh, that's right." "I guess you'll be chock full of nuts in just a few minutes." "Cartman, do you even know what's going on?" "We went to Imaginationland!" "Terrorists attacked it!" "And now the government is about to..." "Oh, jeez, I'm sorry, Kyle..." "It's just I'm so completely bored by this story." "See, I'm really only interested in the part where the leprechaun was real and so you have to suck my balls." "Okay, fine!" "You know what?" "Let's just get it over with." "Oh, no, no, no, no, not so fast, Kyle." "I've waited a long time for this." "And I intend to savor each and every second." "No, I'm serious!" "I wanna see what's happening downstairs, so let's just do it!" "Not just yet, Kyle." "There's still a few things I need to do." "By the way, I should tell you that I haven't had a chance to shower while making my way up here." "My balls are..." "extra vinegary." "Just get to it, already!" "Entering the portal in 5 seconds." "Kurt Russell, can I get a com-check?" "Check, 1, 2." "Good luck, men!" "Godspeed!" "What do we have?" "Kurt Russell, can you hear me?" "We're here, we're somewhere." "They are inside the imagination, sir." "What do you see in there?" "There's lots... big mushrooms, colourful grass." "Some castles in the distance." "Wait..." "Something's coming for us." "It's coming out of the bushes!" "It's a..." "Oh!" "Ah, it's just a cute little squirrel." "Hey, it talks!" " The little squirrel talks." " Aww!" "An imaginary talking squirrel." "Ask the squirrel what it knows about the terrorist attack." "Wait a minute..." "The squirrel has friends." "Oh, well... well it's a whole bunch of woodland critters." "Wait... woodland critters." "There's a talking bear, and a beaver, and..." "They seem to be Christmas critters." "Oh, hello!" "Let's hi!" " Get them outta there!" " What?" "Tell them to get away, now!" "What's the matter?" "Oh, the... cute little bear's eyes are starting to glow red now." "Hello there, little animals." "Do you happen to know how to" "Kurt Russell, what's going on?" "They're raping me!" "They're raping me!" "Get outta there, Kurt Russell!" "They're raping all of us!" "Oh, it hurts!" "They're raping us and it hurts!" "I was thinking about using a high-speed shutter with a low-depth of field." "What do you think?" "Goddamn it, Cartman!" "Will you stop wasting time?" "I wanna get this over with!" "No, you're right, Kyle." "A higher depth of field will make sure everything stays in focus." "There we go." "Now, Kyle, when you're sucking my balls, are you gonna think about how right I was about the leprechaun or are you just gonna try and focus on how rough and salty my balls feel in your mouth?" "Let's just do it!" "In time, Kyle." "You certainly are eager for balls, aren't you?" "Are you ball-famished?" "Ball-starving?" "You see, Kyle, I wonder if at this moment, you're actually..." "Everyone to the main hall, now, go!" "Ah, no, no, we're not done in here yet." "Everyone to the main hall, now!" "No!" "Goddamn it, no!" "Oh, boy!" "Snarf, snarf." "My feet are really getting tired, snarf." "Snarf, could you maybe like shut up for five minutes?" "Wait!" "There it is!" "We made it!" "Castle Sunshine!" "Yeah, right!" "Hurry, get inside!" "The evil imaginary characters are approaching!" "Lock down the gates!" "Prepare to fire the cannons!" "Wait!" "Wait!" " What imaginary character are you?" " The Lollipop King?" "From the Lollipop Forest?" "And I'm Snarf." "Snarf, snarf, snarf, snarf." "And what imaginary character are you?" "Oh, uh, I'm not imaginary." " I'm Butters" " What's a "Butters"?" "The Mayor brought him and some other kids into Imaginationland, just before the terrorists attacked." "So you came from the real world at precisely the same time as the terrorists." "That seems like quite a coincidence." "Well, I was just playing with my friends and then we--we caught a leprechaun" " and then this guy..." " You caught the leprechaun?" "Take him!" "Perseus, he's not against us!" "Snarf, snarf." "Talk to me!" "What's going on?" "Something is coming through the gate from the other side." " What is it?" " It's like a..." " Half man, half bear!" " And half pig!" "No, no, wait!" "It's like a half bear, half man-pig." "Look out!" "No, I think it's more like a half man and half pig-bear!" "Reverse the doorway!" "Send him back through!" "Kyle!" "Whoa!" "Please, I didn't help the terrorists get into Imaginationland!" "Honest!" "That is for the Council of Nine to decide." "Don't worry, kid." "The Council of Nine consists of some of the most highly regarded imaginary characters in all Imaginationland." "Fellow Council, these are indeed dark times." "The evil forces amass at our gates as we speak." "Zeus believes we should evacuate." "Yes, their power outmatches ours." "If they are giving us a chance to leave, we must take it." "And what say you, Morpheus?" "How are we to know that they would let us go?" "Their offer could be a trap." "Perhaps we must flee to the temple of Alderan." "Surely they won't chase us there." "No, we can't." "C'mon you, guys." "This is our home." "We have to fight!" "To keep it the way it is meant to be." "I'm with Jesus." "The evil characters aren't going to just let us go." "That may be, Popeye." "But we don't have a choice." "Forgive my intrusion, Council of Nine." "But this boy has infiltrated from the real world." "Bring him here." "Clear." "I'm sorry." "He's gone." "No, Kyle can't die." "I'm sorry, young man." "Kyle?" "Well..." "At least now he doesn't have to suck anyone's balls." "No!" "No, he has a strong heart!" "He wants to live!" "C'mon, Kyle!" "C'mon, buddy!" "He's gone, little boy." " Zap 'em again." "Do it!" " Charging..." "Do it!" " C'mon, buddy!" "C'mon, buddy!" " Clear." "Get outta here!" "Goddamn it, Kyle!" "You never walked away from anything in your life!" "Now fight!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Right now!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Fight!" "Get him some air." "Please, breathe easy." "I believe this child was brought into Imaginationland for a reason." "Perhaps the Mayor knew something we don't." "What are you saying, Aslan?" "That if we are to take back control," " we might" " Yes." "If we are to take back control from the evil forces, this little boy might be the key." "Aww, I'm the key?" "Could I not be the key, Morpheus?" "I don't wanna be the key." "If you ever wanna see your home again, little boy, you'll have to rise to this challenge." "But I'm suposed to be at school right now, and instead I got..." "I got Snarf and Popeye and Luke Skywalker all pissed off." "It is a dark time for all of us, young boy." "But know that if you believe in yourself, everything will turn out alright." "Sir, are you sure about this?" "We have no choice." "Terrorists have attacked us where we are most vulnerable." "There's no other option." "We have to nuke our imagination." "Wake up, Kyle."