"MOSFILM" "CREATIVE SOCIETY FOR TV FILMS" "ORDER FOR THE FILM PLACED BY THE STATE COMMITTEE OF THE USSR FOR TV AND RADIO" "Comic fantasy about life, love and death of the famous baron Munchhausen who lived in Germany in the 18th century and became the hero of many merry books and legends." "And that is not all." " It isn't?" " No." "We held out and struck at the flank." "I lead the dragoons across the mire." "But my horse made a false step and we began sinking." "It was a desperate situation." "I had to make a choice:" "either die or find a way of rescue." "So what did you choose?" "Have a guess." "I decided to save myself." "But how?" "There was no rope, no pole, nothing." "And then it dawned on me." "My head!" "The head is always handy, gentlemen." "I grabbed my own hair and pulled with all my might." "And I do have a lot of power in my arms, thank God, and my head is clever enough!" "So I yanked" "And pulled myself from the mire." "And the horse too." "You maintain that a man can lift himself by the hair?" "Absolutely." "A clever man absolutely has to do it from time to time." "Nonsense!" "It is impossible." "Where is the proof?" "Am I alive?" "That is it." " You speak about hunting." " Do I?" "Well, you did not say it, you thought." "Just imagine, a year ago somewhere here I ran into a deer." "I took aim and just remembered that I had no bullets!" "Nothing but cherry." "I loaded my gun with a cherry stone shot and hit the deer in the forehead." "It ran away." "Just imagine, this spring at the same place" "I met my beautiful deer who had a marvellous cherry tree growing on his head." "How do you mean a cherry tree?" "A tree?" "Growing on the deer's head?" "Why not a cherry orchard!" "If it were an orchard I would say an orchard." "But since it was a tree why should I lie?" "I always tell the truth." "The truth?" ""THAT VERY MUNCHHAUSEN"" "WRITTEN BY GRIGORIY GORIN" "DIRECTED BY MARK ZAHAROV" "DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY VLADIMIR NAHABTSEV" "PRODUCTION DESIGNER GEORGY KOLGANOV" "COMPOSER ALEXEI RYBNIKOV" "SOUND BY YURIY RABINOVICH, CONDUCTOR SERGEI SKRIPKA, LYRICS BY YURIY ENTIN" "DIRECTOR LEONID CHERTOK CAMERAMAN SERGEI ARMAND" "COSTUME DESIGNER N.FIRSOVA, FILM EDITING I.TSEKAVAYA, MAKE-UP N.MINAYEVA" "SPECIAL PHOTOGRAPHY:" "DIRECTOR V.YAKUBOVICH, DESIGNER I.IVANOVA" "GENERAL EDITOR I.VINOGRADOV MUSICAL EDITOR A.LAPISOV" "PRODUCTION MANAGER LAZAR MILKIS" "CAST" "BARON MUNCHHAUSEN" " OLEG YANKOVSKY" "JAKOBINA MUNCHHAUSEN" " INNA CHURIKOVA MARTA" " YELENA KORENEVA" "BURGOMASTER" " IGOR KVASHA, RAMKOPF" " ALEKSANDR ABDULOV, THEOPHIL" " LEONID YARMOLNIK, THOMAS" " YURI KATIN-YARTSEV" "PASTOR" " VLADIMIR DOLINSKY, DUKE" " LEONID BRONEVOY, COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF" " SEMYON FARADA, JUDGE" " VSEVOLOD LARIONOV" "EXTRAS:" "A. AMASPYURYANTS, A.MYULSTEDT G.OSHKOLUP, N.PALLADINA, O.SOKOLOV, K.YU.STEIMAN, V.IANOVSKIS, I.YASULOVICH" "Oh" "Sure, we all know how to pull." "There's a door handle, why not pull at it?" "People sweat fixing it But we don't care," "Everyone is eager to demonstrate his strength." "Just can't keep his hands off it." "Get hold of it quietly, pull lightly." "Not at all!" "Jerk it with all your might." "You won't go jerking like that at home," "But while it is some one else's house everything is all right, whatever gets in the way." "You will never get them to drive in a new hook or to change the ring, no." "As for writing silly things on the walls, that's something we are pretty good at." "OK, now it looks right." "You can ring the bell." "Oh!" "Now that's different." "Pastor, please." "The baron is expecting you." "He has been working in his study since morning." "He locked himself up and every now and then he asks: "Thomas, has the pastor come yet?"" "I say: "Not yet"." "And he says "That's just as well"." "He is very eager to see you." "I say now, is your master the very Munchhausen?" "Yes, the very Munchhausen." " Are those his hunting trophies?" " They are." "Once the baron went hunting to the wood." "A bear attacked him." "And since the baron had no gun..." "Why wasn't he carrying a gun?" " I have all ready told you he went hunting." " Ah..." "Well, well." "So." "When the bear attacked him." "The baron... caught it by his front paws and held them until the animal died." " What caused the death?" " Hunger." "As is well known, the bear feeds by sucking at his paw." "And since the baron denied him this possibility..." "I see." "And do you believe all that?" "Of course, pastor." "You saw yourself how thin he is." " Who?" " The bear." " What bear?" " The one that you saw." "Do you mind... after the walk..." "just a little?" "What do you mean?" "To warm the soul... before dinner just a bit..." "Do you mind?" "No, I don't." "Would you like a fuge, a sonata or something stronger?" " Something... for me." " Whatever you like." "Frau Martha, I didn't hear, what time it is?" "The clock struck 3, the baron struck 2" "Which makes 5." " Then I start frying the duck." " Yes, it's time." "You've been waiting for me, darling?" "Sorry, Newton held me up." "Who is that?" "An Englishman, a very clever man." "I must absolutely introduce you to him." "It's 6 o'clock, though." "Dinner time." "You are wrong, Karl." "It's 5." "You fired only twice." "Really?" "But I am hungry." "OK, let's add an hour." " A misfire." " Damn, that makes half past five." "Wine is spilt for luck." "Don't mind the dress." "We have guests, Karl." "Please forgive us, Pastor." "We didn't notice you." "Glad to see you in my house, Pastor." "I am glad to see you too, Baron." "I came here on your request." "It's so kind of you!" "How was the trip from Hanover?" "Thank you." "First there was fog, then clouds gathered..." "Yes, yes." "Then I dispersed them all." "We shan't digress though." "I want you to meet my wife." " This is Martha." " Very glad, baroness." "Unfortunately she is not a baroness." "She is just my wife." "We are not wed." "That is why I asked you to come to my place." "Would you agree to perform this sacred ceremony for us?" " Right now?" " No, certainly after dinner." "Then I shall go hurry Thomas up while you entertain our guest." "Yes, certainly." "Would you like to see my library, pastor?" " With pleasure." " Please." "I've already noticed, baron." " You've got rare books." " Yes, many of them are autographed." " It must be so pleasant." " Sophocles for example." " Who?" " Sophocles." "This is his best tragedy "Oedipus Rex" with an inscription." " For whom?" " For me, naturally." "Here. "To dear Karl from his loving Sophocles to be warmly remembered."" "Can you read ancient Greek?" "Dinner is ready!" "I hope you were not bored here, pastor?" "No." "I showed the parchment to the Pastor." " The one that Sophocles presented to you?" " That very one." "My God, where am I?" "You are in a marvellous house." "It's fun here." "Don't get upset." "Some time I'll take you with me to the ancient Athens." "You won't regret it." "And now before dinner offer a sip for me and our guest." "Just to raise the spirit." "Greens, ham, fish!" "Where is the duck, Thomas?" " Not ready yet, baron." " What!" "?" "Still not ready?" "You can't trust any one." "Got to do everything myself." "Thomas, look, are they flying?" "Are they?" "They are, baron!" "Right now they'll fly over our house." "We will fire through the chimney." "Ready..." "Fire!" "So?" "I got it." "A duck." "With apples." "It seems well fried." "It seems to have dipped into gravy on its way." "Oh?" "How very considerate of it." "Sit down to table, please!" "Thank you." "I don't have the appetite any more." "And then I am in a hurry." "Explain to me what you request is, baron." "The request is simple." "I want to be wed to the woman I love." "To my dear Martha." "The most beautiful, sensitive and trustful woman." "Oh, my!" "Why am I telling you this, you can see her yourself." "Yes, yes, sure." "But still, why does your locale pastor refuse to wed you?" " He says I am married." " Married?" " Married." "The thing is that the baron did have a wife, but she left him." "She deserted me two years ago." "To tell you the truth, baron, I would do the same in her place." "That is why I am no going to marry you but Martha." "So!" "Sorry, baron, but I can't be of any help to you." "Why not?" "Because while your fife is alive you can't get married a second time." " You say, while she is alive?" " While she is alive." " Are you suggesting that I should kill her?" " My God!" "God save you, Baron!" "We believed there was a way out." "Karl has filed a divorce request to the Duke, but the Duke won't sign the request until he gets the approval of the church." "The church is opposed to divorce." "But you do allow kings to get divorced." "Well, as an exception kings get the permission under exclusive circumstances." "When it is necessary to give birth to a scion." "Totally different things are necessary to give birth to a scion." "Well!" "Baron, allow me to leave." "But don't you see, because of these silly conventionalities 2 good humans suffer." " The church must bless love." " Legitimate love!" " Any love is legitimate if it is love." " That's your point of view!" " I wouldn't agree with you." " What do you advise?" "There's nothing to advise." "Go on living as before." "But according to civil and ecclesiastical law the wife who is no longer your wife will be considered your wife." "Nonsense!" "How can you, a servant of the church, advise me to live lying?" "He was the fourth, Karl." "Don't care!" "We shall invite a fifth, a sixth, a tenth, a twentieth." "The twentieth will come just in time for my funeral, Karl." "Let's talk about something else." "Is it worth spoiling such a nice evening?" " Is it evening now?" " Of course!" "Look at the moon, the stars!" "I am coming to you, my darling!" "So!" "Coming!" "Perhaps you shouldn't have started with Sophocles?" "And this time you overdid it with the duck too." "I wanted to make him laugh." "They said "a clever man"." "People say strange things." "I can't keep changing to suit every fool can I?" "Not forever!" "Just for a time, Karl." "Pretend." "Become like everyone else." "Become like everyone else, Karl." "I implore you!" "Everyone else?" "What are you saying?" "Like everyone else..." "Everyone else." "Everyone else." "Not to fly on cannon-balls...." "Not to hunt mammoths, not to write letters to Shakespeare." " Why invite trouble, Karl?" " Dinner is ready." "No, darling." "I am tired." "All right, dear, sleep." "I'll make it night for you." "Night!" "Baron..." "What do you mean by shouting at night?" " Is it night?" " Night." " Since when?" " Since evening." "Look at the clock." "Oh!" " Anything else?" " I meant to say the duck is ready." "Let it loose." "Let it fly!" "OK." "Right!" "Did you see that?" "Get up, get up!" "Let's continue." "Well, well." "Well." "What is it?" "Are you all right, Theo?" "Good." "Take yourself in hand." "Let's continue." "No, no, that's all." "I am not up to it today." "Stop cutting the air, mother!" "You can't go on waiting like this because in the long run he will get married to this girl" "I am sick and tired of your hysterics!" "Take yourself in hand." "What can I do?" "What can I do?" "The burgomaster will be back any minute now." "He went to the Duke's chancellery." "What can people at the office do, mother?" "We must act ourselves!" "Mr.Ramkopf." "Well?" "That is something already." " Good boy, Henrik!" " So!" "Mr. Ramkopf, you are a fried of our family you have done so much for us." " Take one more step!" " Anything I can." " Challenge my father to a duel." " Never." " But why?" " First of all he will kill me." "And secondly..." "Number one is enough." "Calm down Theo." "I can't mother!" "He is the cause of all my misfortune." "I am 19, but I am still only a cornet with nothing ahead!" " They didn't even let me participate in manovres!" " Manoeuvres." "Participate in manoeuvres!" "The Colonel said he refused to receive reports from Baron Munchhausen." "What is it..." "What is all this nonsense?" "Do you mean to hang this daub in the house again?" " What do you have against it?" " It infuriates me!" " Cut it to pieces!" " Don't you dare!" "He maintains it is a Rembrandt." " A who?" " A Rembrandt." " This one?" " Yes." "Nonsense." "A lie!" "Of course a lie." "But at the auction they offer 20 thousand for it." "20?" "." "Then sell it." "Selling means acknowledging that it is true." "A duel!" "Only a duel!" " Burgomaster." " Good afternoon." "Good afternoon, gentlemen." "Oh baroness, you look great in this Amazon suit!" "Ramkopf, you are charming as always." "How's life, cornet?" "I can see you are all right!" "Judging by the amount of compliments You've brought bad news." "Not too bad." "I must admit, though, that the judge says so far there is not sufficient ground to confiscate the baron's estate." "and hand it over to the custody of the inheritor." "Not sufficient ground?" "The man ruined his family, threw his wife and child into the street." " What child?" "I am an officer!" " A wife and officer." "As far as I know they left of their own free will." " Very well, but who could live with such a man?" " Frau Martha can." "But she is his lover!" "Let's make it clear." "If you have a lover, it's your own business." "Nowadays everyone has a lover." "But you can't get married to them." "That's immoral." "Well." "Now we approach the saddest part of the story." "The thing is that the Duke has said "yes" to the baron's request for divorce." "So." "So!" " That can't be." " Unfortunately." " Is it a fact?" " No, it is not." " It is not a fact?" " No, it isn't a fact, it's much more than a fact." "That's what really happened." "The thing is that of late our beloved duke has been in a sort of confrontation with our beloved duchess." " So what?" " An awful boy." "Takes after his father." "Yes." "So." "They say she caught him with a maid of honour." " It was horrible!" "It was..." " So what?" "In a state of a certain overexcitement the Duke gathered and signed some requests for divorce repeating over and over "Liberty!" "Liberty to all!"" "So." "Now you've done it." "A duel!" "Mr. Ramkopf, you are an old friend of our family you have done so much for us." " No, no, no." " Do one more thing." "Be my second." " Never!" " But why?" " In the first place he will kill the second too." " Yes." " A murderer!" " To the Duke, this minute!" "This minute!" "Mr. Burgomaster, please accompany me." "A duel!" "Only a duel!" "Murderers!" "That's impossible!" "That's incredible!" "That's unacceptable!" "No way!" "His highness is busy with the most important affairs of state!" "He is holding an urgent meeting!" "He is not there at all!" "Your highness, perhaps the answer is the left wing?" "It is unreliable." "The centre troubles me too." "Perhaps in this case it will be wise to lift the top and lower the bottom?" " We'll do so." "2 rows of tucks on the left, 2 on the right." "The answer is the waist." "What do you say?" "Where shall we make the waist?" " At the chest level." " Superb." " Superb like everything that's true." " Exactly at the chest level. 66." "I won't allow to lower the waist line to the hips. 155." "We after all are the centre of Europe, and I won't let some Spaniards set conditions for us." "Should you want a cap sleeve, very well." "Want a plisse skirt with tucks?" "I won't object." "But I won't allow to lower the waist line." "Your highness!" "Your highness!" "Baroness Jakobina von Munchhausen." " I am busy." " I told her so." "I even told her that you were out." "But she entreats." "Damn!" "I absolutely can't concentrate." "OK." "Ask her in." "Your highness!" "Please forgive me for intervening with important affairs of the state but an incredible thing has happened!" " What is it this time?" "Did you sign baron Minchhausen's request for divorce?" "Who did?" "I did?" " Yes, I signed it." " Which means he can get married to Martha?" "Why get married?" " Yes, he can get married." " Yes, but he can't get married!" "Madmen can't get married." "It is illegal and inhuman." " And I hope, your highness, you will revoke your decision." " Why should I?" "Because Baron Munchhausen is mad." "How do you mean?" "Baroness, we can understand you anger, but it needs serious arguments to pronounce somebody mad." "Very well." "I'll acquaint you with a certain document and you will see for yourself if the person who wrote it was sane or not." "May I ask my lawyer to read the document." ""Timetable"" ""Timetable of baron Karl Friedrich Hieronymus von Munchhausen for May the 30th 1779"" " Interesting." " Very." ""Get up - 6 o'clock"" "Legal." "Yes!" "Meaning no!" "Meaning I agree." "Getting up at such an early our is unnatural for a person of your class." "Read on, Henrikh." ""7 o'clock - disperse the clouds, make good weather"" "What?" "What?" "Let me see." "As my luck would have it the sky is clear today." "That is, it was foggy in the morning but later on it cleared away." "You mean to say we owe it to him?" "I don't mean to say anything, baroness." "I merely state that the weather is remarkable today." "But we have no reason to assume that it was he who dispersed the clouds." "Neither can we say that he didn't disperse the clouds." "This statement would contradict the evidence of our eyes." "Do you laugh at me?" "Go on, Henrikh." ""8 till 10 in the morning - a heroic deed"." "What does it mean?" "It means that from 8 to 10 in the morning he plans to do a heroic deed." "Well?" "What would you, Mr. Burgomaster, say about a man who plans to do a heroic deed every day just like we plan to go to work?" "I go to work myself, madam." "Every day at 9 in the morning I've got to be at the magistrate." "I won't call it a feat, but surely there is something heroic about it." "Are you making fun of me?" "!" "Calm down, baroness." "I am only trying to be impartial." " To hell with you impartiality!" " Quiet, quiet, quiet." "Now, gentlemen, we've come to a most interesting point." ""16:00 - war with England"." " With whom?" "!" " With England." "My God, what harm has England done to him?" "Where is it?" "Where, answer me." " Who?" " England." "Just a moment, your highness." "Here." " And where are we?" " We are... here." "That is pretty close!" "Outrageous." "War is no poker!" "You can't declare war when you like." "A war is a war." "My orders are: to immediately find and seize baron Munchhausen!" "Use force in case of resistance!" " I want to see the commander-in-chief!" " Yes." "War!" "Order to the army:" "general mobilization!" " Where is the commander-in-chief?" " I am here!" "Call back all those transferred to the reserve, revoke all leaves, draw up the guard on the central square." "Full summer uniform:" "Blue uniform with golden edging, cap sleeves, wide lapels." "Waistline 10 centimetres lower than in peacetime." " Lower?" " Meaning higher." " And the chest?" " What about the chest?" " Leave it in place?" " No, take it with us." " Where is my military uniform?" " Here it is, your highness, please." "What?" "!" "I'll never wear this!" "A single-breasted uniform!" "Don't you know that nowadays nobody goes to war in a single-breasted uniform?" "What a disgrace!" "War is about to begin and we are not prepared." "No, no we are not ready for war." "Take no prisoners!" "Officers!" "Check the time!" "What time is it now?" " 15:00!" " 15 and a quarter!" " More precisely?" " Plus 22!" "Everyone stay in place!" " Can I do anything for you?" " Today's evening paper." "Good." "Baron Karl Friedrich Hieronymus von Munchhausen I have orders to put you under arrest." " If resistance is offered force is to be used." " By whom?" " What do you mean by whom?" " Who is to use force in case of resistance?" "You or me?" " I didn't get you." " Perhaps you should send a messenger to inquire?" " Impossible." " Right." "Let's both fulfil the orders." "Right?" "Good." "Just a moment." "So." "It must be done like this." "So!" "Step aside, gentlemen." "And you better go away altogether." "And certainly..." "And dancing!" "This is a pub after all." "How much more time can it take?" "Can't you put one single man under arrest?" ".." "The horse is tired!" "Everything is under control, you highness!" "Baron Munchhausen will be arrested any minute now." "Any minute." "He asked me to beg you all not to go away." "Well, what impudence!" "Your highness, when he is concerned, everything goes amiss." "Your highness, probably he has started writing something again." "But why?" "Eh." "What is he writing?" " Something about the hunting, probably." " Yes, yes." "It's such an interesting story." "Yes, you know, your highness, he once went to the wood unarmed..." " How do you mean unarmed?" " I mean to hunt a bear." "It was not a bear but a mammoth." "But he did use a gun." " A gun?" " Yes, loaded with a cherry stone." "It was sweet cherry." "First of all, it was not sweet cherry, but current" "And he fired when they flew over his house." " The bears." " Do you think it was mammoths?" "Then why did all that grow on the deer's head?" "You highness, let me start from the very beginning." "On no account!" "Stop it this minute!" "In 20 minutes a war with England will begin." "What about England?" "It is just a habit." "Always England." "Stop chattering!" "ln 20 minutes in 20 minutes..." " Now what is that?" " The man under arrest." "Why is the orchestra playing?" "Your highness, at first we were getting ready for holidays then for arrests, then we decided to combine the two." "Where is our guard?" "Where is the guard?" "Evidently it is flanking the place." "Flanking whom?" "Everyone." " Baron." " Your highness." " How are things at home?" "ls everyone all right?" " Yes, thank you." " Is it true?" " What?" "Well, I don't know how to put it." "Well, in general..." "Well, they say, that you..." "that you declared war on England." " I did not." " You didn't?" "Not yet." "War shall begin at 4 o'clock." "Unless England accepts the terms of the ultimatum." " The ultimatum?" " I sent them the ultimatum." " To whom?" " To the King of England and members of the British Parliament." "I suggested that England should stop the senseless war with North American colonies and acknowledge their independence." "The ultimatum gives them the time till 16:00." "If my conditions are not accepted I personally shall unleash the war." " You will start the war?" " I will." "Where is the commander in chief?" ".." "Ah?" "So, in sending the ultimatum to the King, the baron, overstepped the mark." "A war is..." "Well, you know." " I remember, your highness, when this..." " That will do." "Hand in you spear." "Your highness, don't go against your conscience." "I know you are a noble man and in your heart are opposed to England too." " Yes, in my heart I am opposed." "Yes, I don't like it..." " Yes." " But I keep silent." " A war is..." "Wait!" "To cut a long story short you are under arrest, baron." "Hand in your spear." "I am waiting!" "Hand it in, quick." "No discipline at all!" "Whoever wants to, declares a war." "Whoever doesn't want to, doesn't declare war." "Baron, Baron, you wanted to see the evening paper!" "Here it is!" " Please." " Yes." " "Typhoo in Sicily"" " Above." ""Where to take your family"" " Above." " Here." "Ah, yes. "News from abroad:" "...England acknowledged American independence"." "So!" "10 to 4." "Just in time." "They are lucky." "Farewell." " Incredible!" "He let him go!" " What could he do?" "But that is a monstrous coincidence!" "Can't you see?" "He is not a duke." "He is a softy!" "Madam, what do you expect of him?" "England capitulated." "Why does the war continue?" "You mean they don't read newspapers?" "Now I remember!" "He did shoot a deer." "But through the chimney." "Bravo!" "You look great in this wedding dress." " Every woman does." " You look particularly good!" " It's a pity we wear it once a year." " You will wear it every day." "We shall get married every day." "Do you like the idea?" "Very much!" "But first you must get the divorce." "Do you remember that the divorce proceedings start in half an hour?" "They started long ago." "The moment I saw you." "If you only knew what present I have prepared for you!" " How many day are there in a year?" " 365..." "Take your time." "It's difficult to speak when so many sympathetic eyes are watching you." "Divorce is disgusting not only because it parts the spouses but also because afterwards they call the man free and the woman dumped." "No!" "No need to pity me, gentlemen." "Don't humiliate me with pity, pity yourselves instead." "Gentlemen, my husband is a dangerous man!" "20 years of my life were devoted to him!" "20 years I tried to keep him under control to keep him in the family!" "And thus I saved many lives, your lives I protected society from him!" "But you sever these ties with your own hands." "You have no one but yourselves to blame." "That's all right..." "That's al right that I am dumped." "That's all right." "It is not all right that he is free!" "Think about it, gentlemen of the jury!" " What is she talking about?" " Denouncing the baron." " What does she say?" " She says he is a bastard, naturally." " A madman, a liar." " What does she want?" " That he doesn't leave her, naturally." " Logical." "...He must be watched either by the state or by his family!" "I believe the family is better!" " Karl, but why are you so late?" " I believe it is early, not all foolish things have been said." " Oh Karl, please." " I understand!" "Not a word more." " By the way, I made a remarkable discovery." " Not again?" "!" "You'll be amazed!" "It'll change our life in this town." "Baron, I beg you, I just beg you, please not today!" "Answer just one question:" "How many days are there in a year?" "365." "OK." "The rest will come later." "Baron Karl Friedrich Hieronymus von Munchhausen!" "I am here, gentlemen." "Baron, what comments can you make to the jury concerning the essence of your case?" " That depends on what you consider the essence." " That's evident." "Why are you asking for divorce?" "That is strange, you lived peacefully for 20 years and all of a sudden you ask for divorce." "Forgive me, Mr.Judge, but it was the tragedy that lasted for 20 years only now everything is going to be all right." " Explain in more detail." "Here are the details." "The Jury, ladies and gentlemen!" "There are couples born for love." "We were born for divorce." "Strange as it may seem, our marriage began long before we were born." "The Munchhausens had always wanted to be related to the von Duttens and so when a daughter was born to them," "I was born not merely a boy, but a husband." "Jakobina hated me since childhood and managed to evoke similar feelings in my soul." "When the priest asked us if we wanted to become husband and wife we unhesitatingly answered "no" and were immediately wed." "After the wedding we went for a wedding trip." "I went to Turkey, my wife chose Switzerland." "For three years we lived there in love and consent." "I protest!" "You are insulting my client!" "One can't insult anyone by telling the truth." "On the whole, I believe you view on life is a bit narrow" "Mr.Ramkopf. Divorce is one of the greatest achievements of humanity!" "A minute is enough to fall in love" "But it sometimes takes 20 years of married life to get divorced." "Those 20 years were hard But I have no regrets!" "Socrates once said to me:" "get married by all means." "If you get a good wife you'll be happy, if you get a bad wife you'll become a philosopher." "I can't say which is better." "In any case" " I thank you, Jakobina for having become what I am now." "And long live the divorce, gentlemen!" "It eliminates lies that I hate so much." "Great God, let everything be all right." "Dear God, help us, we love each other so much." "And don't be mad at Karl, dear God." "He is insolent, he will often argue with you." "But you are older, dear God," "You are wiser, you must concede." "Concede, my Lord!" "You have suffered so long, Have a little more patience." "Patience, gentlemen!" "Patience!" "Our session is coming to a close." "Silence!" "We are starting the divorce procedure." "Baron, baroness, please come up to me and take a look at divorce documents." "Sign them please." "Put the date." "Mr. Pastor, please." "In the name of the holy consistory I proclaim you free of each other." "Wait!" "Stop!" "Our proceedings were Turned into an ugly farce." "Mr. Judge, please read once again thought Baron Munchhausen's divorce paper." " I, Baron Karl von Munchhausen..." " Look at the date!" "The year of 1779, May the 32nd." "How is it possible?" "Baron, you are mistaken, this date does not exist." " It does!" " Well, if yesterday it was the 31st of May then what date is it today?" " The 32nd." "I discovered this date." "It is my present to the town of my birth." " I'll explain everything to you!" " Gentlemen, gentlemen!" "I'll explain everything to you!" "It can't be, it can't be!" "Bravo." " The 30 what?" " The thirty second, your highness." "Where is he proposing to insert it?" "Right here." " the 29th, the 30th, the 31st..." " the 32nd." "But there is no space here." "That is why the jury considered themselves deeply offended!" "We ask you to revoke the divorce decision." "The 29th, the 30th, the 31st..." "And so on." "I begged you!" "Why couldn't you wait till tomorrow?" "Oh but why, why?" "I begged you so!" "Because I could not." "Because it is today!" " Because it is already today!" "I have discovered a new date." " Ah, yes, yes." " I'll explain everything to you." " Don't bother, don't!" "I am an old, sick man." "I have a weak heart, the doctors told me not to get excited." " In the first place you are a clever man." " I am foolish." " Clever." " Foolish." " Please." "You must understand." " No, I am foolish!" "I don't want to understand anything." " How many days are there in a year?" " I don't know!" " 365." " I am not sure!" "Right." "A usual year lasts 365 days and 6 hours." "These 6 hours are summed up and make a new day." "So that every 4th year is a leap year." "But I got curious if there were exactly 365 days and 6 hours in a year." "As t turned out it was not so!" "The usual year lasts for 365 days, 6 hours and 3 seconds!" "3!" "Every astronomer can tell you that." "It is enough to go up to the stars with a chronometer to watch the movement of the Earth." "I did it more than once." "Martha can tell you." "3 unregistered seconds!" "For some reason 3 seconds are not taken into account." "Why?" "My darling, we have extra seconds at our disposal, but nobody pays attention to them." "Years pass and these seconds make up minutes, in several hundreds of years they make up hours." "So now, my dear friends since the time our town was founded we now have an extra day the 32nd of May!" " Is that all?" " It is!" "Well." "And you couldn't think of a better time to announce your discovery?" "The court has got nothing to do with it." "It was important for me to let people know and that's what I did." "Did you expect them to believe you?" "One cannot ignore facts." "We are not idiots after all to refuse to accept an extra day in a year." "Thomas!" "Thomas!" "Thomas!" "Are you happy that we now have the 32nd of May?" "Not quite, Baron." "On the 1st of June I get my wages." "You didn't understand." "Are you happy to have a new day?" "That depends on what day of the week it is." "If it is Sunday, it is a pity." "And if it is Monday, then what do we need two Mondays for?" "Get out!" "And you, Martha?" "You do understand that I am right, don't you?" "Sorry Karl." "I am all mixed up." "Probably you are right." "I am no good at calculations." "But we won't be wed now." "That's what I do understand." "I am leaving." "Don't be mad at me, darling." "I am tired." "I love you." "I love you." "I love you." "Don't, please." "I know, darling." "But even for my sake you won't make any concessions." "Do you remember, when we met Shakespeare, he said:" ""All people in love swear to do more than they can, but don't do even what is possible"." "Well..." "He said it in a bad mood" "He didn't mean it." " Who?" "Shakespeare?" "Then he added: "Difficulties only make love stronger"." "We have more than enough of difficulties." "I can't cope with them." "Oh God, why didn't you get married to Joan of Arc?" "She agreed." "I knew I would meet Martha." "But I am only a woman." "Don't ask of me more than I can do." "I am not fit for the 32nd of May." "I say, dear Baron, you can't stretch a woman's patience in this way." "Can't you agree - for her sake, for the sake of your family - that today is exactly the same date that the calendar indicates?" " How could I?" " Yes, you can, my dear!" "You can." "You are no better then the rest!" "I'll be quite frank with you:" "I am not happy with a lot of things, I don't agree with a lot of things." "Yes, yes!" "ln particular" "I am not happy with our calendar." "And not for the first year." "But I won't let myself do anything rush!" "One must know how to chose the right moment." " But I told the truth." " Damn the truth!" "Sometimes a lie is necessary." "You understand, a lie." "My God!" "Just think of it!" "I have to explain these Self-evident things to Baron Munchhausen." "You'll drive me mad!" "Really." "Do you think so too?" ".." "No, don't say a word!" "I'll do it myself." "Myself." "All right." "Good." "Let it be your way." "What shall I do now?" "Well?" "Are you going to keep silent?" "I am tired of explaining the same thing over and over again." "I was naive enough to believe that an extra Spring day..." "One more sunset, one more sunrise." "Midday at last." "No, no, let's leave midday as it is." "Whether we like it or not, there is a certain order of things:" "...one day comes after another." "We can't change the passage of time." " That's not good." " That's unacceptable!" "People won't know holidays from week-days any more." "Worst of all, my dear, parishioners won't know for sure when it is Christmas and when Easter." "They will be at a loss what to put on." "A business frock-coat or a holiday dinner jacket?" "Mr. Judge, your highness, The baron has realized his mistake." "Yes, of course he spoke without proper thinking." "Now he is sorry!" "So you are prepared to acknowledge that today is the 1st of June?" "Be it even the 10th." "Not the 10th but the 1st." "And don't do favours to us." "So what date is it today?" "The 1st." "Louder, please." "For everybody." "The 1st." "Now!" "You see how simple it is." "Baron, you are a reasonable man." "I have always liked you." "I respected you way of thought." "Free shoulder line, tight trousers." "You could become an example for the youth." "They need one badly." "If you could only find peace with yourself" "I am sure our dear pastor" "There he is!" "He was wise to stay behind." "He will wed you and your beloved." "Won't you, father?" "Won't you?" "I will, but on one condition:" "the baron must disavow everything." " Everything?" " Yes, yes, every one of your unholy fantasies." "You must acknowledge that they are all lies!" "I insist that it be done in writing." " In writing?" " Yes." "You lied in writing and you must disavow in writing." "It should be an official document." ""I baron such and such state that I am a common man"" ""That I didn't fly to the Moon, then didn't pull myself by the hair out of the bog, didn't ride on cannon-balls"." ""Did not let fried ducks loose"" ""Did not grow a cherry tree on the deer's head"" "Yes, yes." "And thus on every point." "And also in family life, baron, let's do away with fantasies." "Yes, yes, yes." "Let's do away with fantasies." "Everything remains the same only no fantasies." "All right." "I will sign everything." "Since nobody needs a new day, let it be your way." "That's good." "And don't look so tragic, my dear." "Take it with your traditional sense of humour." "Humour!" "After all, Galileo disavowed his ideas too." "That's why I always preferred Giordano Bruno." "Well, well." "Don't complicate matters." "Baron, you still can secretly believe." "I can't do anything secretly." "I can do things only openly." "Well, well..." "My dear!" ""I, Baron Munchhausen, am a common man"." "Sounds like the first lines of a romance." ""I never flew to the Moon"." "All right." "I didn't." "But my dear friends, if you only knew how beautiful it is." "White mountains and red stones in the rays of sunset." "All right." "I didn't ride the cannon-ball either in that terrible battle with the Turks when half of my regiment perished." "They drove us into the damned mire, but we held out!" "We held out and struck at the flanks." "At that moment my horse took a false step and began to drown." "Then I grabbed my own hair and pulled with all my might" "I pulled and we rose over the sedge!" "I will sign, I will!" "Why invite trouble." "Since nobody needs an extra Spring day" "let's forget it." "On such a day it is hard to live but easy to die." "In five minutes, dear friends, Baron Munchhausen will be no more." "Baron, my dear, there is a bright side to everything!" "At least the town will cease laughing at you." "A pity!" "I was not afraid to seem funny." "Not every one can afford it." "Before we part I have one more idea." "You will all laugh." "Karl." "Please, Karl." "Karl!" " Don't!" " Karl!" "Baron!" " I beg you, Karl!" " Baron!" "Baron!" "END OF EPISODE ONE"