"A long time ago a young woman went off into the world like her brothers and sisters." "She fought in wars had children suffered and loved greatly." "I was the sixth-born child Phung Thi Le Ly and I lived in the most beautiful village on earth." "My earliest memories were working alongside Mother in the fields." "Always working, my mother." "Each grain of rice, a symbol of life never wasted." "While we worked, she would teach me everything I had to know about life." "Mama, where did I really come from?" "Where do babies come from?" "From my bellybutton." "Don't worry." "God makes babies and put them in your belly." "You have plenty of warning." "The fragile rice had to be planted and transplanted several times." "Our rice paddies were always near the cemeteries because we believed the spirits passed through the soil into the rice so the new generation, in eating the rice was sharing in the spirit of their ancestors." "Then one day, in the summer of 1953 the French came." "They destroyed our village." "And the following year, we went hungry." "I will never forget my father's eyes as he watched our house burn to the ground." "But as it had happened to our village for so many centuries we rebuilt our lives." "Mama, where do babies really come from?" "Then in 1963 the peasant countryside changed forever." "When the Vietcong first arrived that rainy season some of them were remnants from the war against the French." "Many of them were displaced immigrants from the North." "All of them were angry." "My parents taught me Vietnam is a free nation." "That is what this war is about." "The Chinese, the Japanese, the French." "They have each tried to rule us." "And we have won!" "The North and the South are inseparable, like sisters." "But in 1954 the French and American allies gave themselves the right to separate us and kidnap the South." "Can we stand by and watch the kidnappers taking turns raping and corrupting our sister?" "That is what this war is about." "Why should outsiders come in divide the land and tell some people to go north and then go south?" "If Vietnam were truly for the Vietnamese people shouldn't we be able to choose the kind of government we want?" "A nation cannot have 2 governments any more than a family can have 2 fathers." " They have bombs, 10 to one!" " He's right." "What do we have?" "We have rags, we have rifles!" "And sticks!" "We have sticks!" "We have no rank, no promotion." "We take no money." "We are your servants." "We respect your homes and shrines." "We are your family." "Do you want to dance?" "Le Ly, come on." "It was my brother Sau I loved the most." "He was always there to protect me and make me laugh." "Hurry." "Sweet rice, black beans." "You be very careful." "Write, Sau." "I will return." " Take care." " Le Ly, I will return." "Be a big girl." "Always take care of Mama and Papa." "Protect yourself from ghosts." "Take care." "As they went north to Hanoi with the Vietcong I felt it was the last time I'd see my older brother, Bon and my younger brother, Sau, for a long, long time." "Maybe forever." "But it was Sau who was ripped from my heart." "You understand that a country is more than dirt rivers and forests?" "You know your brother Sau may not come back?" "I told you many times the Chinese ruled our land." "Many die." "Le Loi, Jia Long and the Trung sisters." "And your ancestor Phung Thi Chinh fought to throw out the Chinese." "Your grandfather fought and died against the Japanese just before you were born." "We suffered much." "When the Japanese came your mother and I were taken to Danang to build a runway for the airplanes." "We worked like slaves." "Our reward was a bowl of rice and another day of life." "Freedom is never a gift, be Ly." "It must be won and won again." "You know that?" "I do." "See this land?" "Vietnam is going to be yours now." "If the enemy comes back you must be both a daughter and a son now." "From my father I learned to love God and people I could not see my ancestors." "But I would learn in time my father's words would be twisted by events." "Government soldiers came with the support of American advisors." "Your village will be safe." "They built barricades against the Vietcong." "It's part of the new Binh Ky hamlet." "Many of you will be asked to take militia training so you will be prepared to resist the Communist rebel!" "You will be rewarded with food and money." "Your older children will be sent to camp for military training." "But younger children can go to school." "Your village will be happy and peaceful." "Do you have any questions?" "Go to your leader." "The soldiers ate our food, slept with our women and searched our homes just as the soldiers of the warlords had centuries before." "But the government's leader, whose name was Ngo Dinh Diem, America's ally was a Catholic, like the French and that alone made him suspicious to the Buddhists in our area." "The Northern leader, Ho Chi Minh had been a great patriot against the Japanese and the French." "And we always heard stories of his compassion and his love for Vietnam." " You VC?" " No VC!" "What are they?" "Americans?" "They say they all have blind blue eyes behind their glasses." "If you take their shoes off, they have soft feet and cry in pain." "Take away their glasses, their boots, they can't fight." "Not very good soldiers." "Not very good fence." "Your president, Ngo Dinh Diem, wants to know what will you do if you see a Vietcong or hear about someone who's helping them?" "Turn him in to the soldiers." "Good." "And get a big reward for every Vietcong you help capture." "During the day, we were a government village." "But each night when the soldiers returned to their base and we played there was never any shortage of Vietcong fighters." "One night, the Vietcong came for my teacher." "Teaching these children to betray their country!" "The first thing you should learn on this night Ky La was saved from the boots of the oppressors." "We're the liberators!" "The night belonged to the Vietcong." "Even though I was scared, there was no real choice." "They fought for our freedom against the Southern government." "No matter who's asking the questions, either side play stupid, stupid, stupid child." " Any news from Sau or Bon?" " They're training in the North." " Any chance for a visit?" " There's no time for sons and mothers." "I told them we needed her on the farm." "For all the help she is here maybe we should send her with Sau." "That'll teach her the value of work." "Don't say that!" "Le Ly must do her work like everyone else." "She thinks she's too good for work." "Too busy flirting with no-good schoolboys." " No, the big boys bother me..." " Don't talk like that." " Be quiet!" " Don't hit her." "Do you hear me?" "Do you want to send all my children to Hanoi or Saigon?" "If I can't have my family around me, what's the point of living?" "You always think only of yourself!" "The French, the Japanese, now the Americans are all over us!" "It's good they go north and fight." "War is coming, you stupid, selfish man!" "Stop it!" "Go!" "Forgive him, Mama." "Don't cry." "I've made your papa lose face." "If you ever do that to a husband I'll have both your cheeks glowing, one from him and one from me." "You hear me?" "Which one is first?" "Anybody?" "This is it!" "You talk now or it's bye-bye, Charlie!" "You dig, asshole?" "All right, it's your ass!" "Kiss it goodbye." "You're next." "You talk?" "You gonna talk?" " Ah!" " Shhh." "At my mother's request, a local wizard examined the umbilical cords of my two soldier brothers who had not written in over a year." "The older one is strong and healthy." "The younger one is in a place too gray for me to see." "No, this is not true." "I know Sau is alive." "I feel it in my womb." "Did you hear funny noises last night?" "Maybe voices last night in the rain?" "I did." "Here is your trouble then." "Your shrine is too small." "And we have a lost soul who needs to come in." "That's all." "Just build a shrine outside and everything will be fine." "The Vietcong ingrained in us a sense of xa duty to land duty to country." "The ant became our moral model." "We formed cells, associations where no one accumulated power over others." "Only in battle or by your own hands will you be immortalized." "You never moved up in the ant society, you only moved further in." "If the Vietcong won us over it was because they lived their lives with us." "But every time we ambushed the government soldiers twice as many came back." "Get your asses in there." "Get your smart asses down there!" "One day they came for me." "Papa!" "Help me!" "Tell me quickly." "Why were you on the road?" "Cutting grass for the water buffalo." "I didn't tell my parents." "Liar." "Again." "Why were you on the road?" "I didn't mean any harm to anybody." "Liar!" "You are can bo cai VC cadre girl." "You were giving warning to your friends." "Where's the VC base?" "I don't know." "How many battles have you been in?" "What is your rank?" "Please..." "I'm just a girl." "I haven't done anything." "Do you know what this is for?" "Think about what this can do to your body." "How would your baby like you with no nipples?" "Or maybe I could cut some skin off your ass to make some sandals." "Think about it Miss Vietcong Hero." "And when you're called again you be prepared to tell me everything you know." "Don't move." "Don't move." "I haven't done anything!" "I don't know anything!" "My mother used my dowry to bribe a military official to have me released." "And now the villagers were suspicious of my family's ties to the government." "Finally the Vietcong came for me." " She did nothing!" " Stay back!" "No respect!" "You've no respect!" " I'm coming too!" " No, the prisoner come alone!" "Stay back!" "Our men were betrayed." "There are informers here!" "How else could the enemy know so much?" "This village is filled with traitors government sympathizers that would sell us out for a relative for money, for privilege!" "So I ask you:" "What should we do with these people?" "We must give these people a lesson they will never forget." "lol:" "See?" "See it?" " lol:" "What is it?" " A grave." "lol:" "Your grave stupid girl." "What kind of deal did you make to get out?" "Did you promise them some of our ears for their belts?" "My mother bribed an official." "Why won't you believe me?" "Little rich girl!" "lol:" "You want to live?" "My life is in your hands." "lol:" "What does that mean?" "I mean, I won't talk to the enemy." "I've been shamed enough in my village." "If you want, I'll go far away." "I'll never come back." "You talk about this, we'll kill you for real." "Oh, no!" "Oh, no!" "No, don't!" "No, get off!" "Shut up!" "I was never to understand why I was raped and not killed." "Or if I had ever really been sentenced by the Vietcong." "It may have just been a warning to my father." "But it ended forever my relationship to my village." "My sister Hai found us a job in the city." "Papa stayed on the land to guard the spirits of our ancestors." "In Saigon much to our confusion the monks were being arrested." "I've never seen so many cars, so many people." "The other one." "Madame, they're ready." "This way." "Country fresh." "Good workers." "So which village?" "Ky La." "Near Danang." "Le is wonderful with children." "Perfect babysitter." "How old is she?" "Eighteen." "Is she strong?" "Yes, she's very strong." "She started to work in the fields since she was 4." "They'll do." "Yes, ma'am." "Let's go." "Le Ly!" "Le Ly!" "You'll be punished for this, you stupid girl!" "Making the master open the door!" "Don't be too hard on her." "It's been a long day for everyone." "Run off to bed." "I'm fine." "Go on." "I could not sleep." "I couldn't either, master." "I am not your first." "Yes, you are." "I was raped by the village boys in Ky La." "My poor thing." "Have you bled?" "Stupid girl." "You were not satisfied with a perfect life in a perfect house?" "You had to seduce the husband!" "Make him stray from his wife." "Look what it brought you." "That's not how it happened!" "Anh cares for me, he loves me." "Do you think a stupid girl like you means anything to him?" "Now you're going to have his bastard." "Perfect!" "You will just have to get rid of it." "We'll go see the herbalist tomorrow." "What are you doing, Le Ly?" "Oh, I'm sorry, madame." "I'm expecting a child." "Yes, I know." "We learned it from the herbalist." "Who is the father?" "Don't look so surprised." "A boy." "Someone I met in the park." "You don't know him." "Why are you burning incense?" "Because I don't want the baby." "I was praying to be forgiven." "In front of my husband's ancestors?" "I don't know what else to do." "The boy's Catholic, like you." "I'm a Buddhist." "I see." "Well, I have another explanation." "I believe the father of your baby is my husband." "Oh, no!" "Anh, I mean the mas..." "Be silent!" "You know I'm not well." "But I have given my husband sons." "Beautiful boys." "As fine as any woman could have given him." "So don't think you won't pay for what you've done." "You and your daughter must leave the house at once." "Leave?" "But why?" "Nobody knows but you." "Let people think the father is some soldier." "I know, and that's enough." "Men are like dogs pissing on posts." "They go once, they go twice." "But be Ly's no threat to you." "She has nothing for a proper man." "She's just a country girl." "An ignorant, stupid, foolish child." "A maid that will never be a bride." "She's nothing!" "Worthless!" "Absolutely not." "I won't have her in my house." "Not as a nanny." "Not as a housekeeper." "Then as number two wife!" "You're out of your mind." "As concubine to the master." "As your slave to kick around." "To warm your husband's bed when you have better things to do." "Why waste your health on a man's rutting when a stupid girl can do it?" "You're always number one wife." "The law is on your side." " Please, Mama!" " Stupid, stop!" "They must go now." "Today, before supper." "You tried to get rid of it?" "Yes, of course." "But your seed, master, is too strong." "Now it has hold of be Ly too." "Please, help us get by the best we can." "At least until the child is born." "I won't throw you into the street." "But I cannot ask my wife to let you live with us." " I'll put you in an apartment." " Not in Saigon." "How far away do you want them?" "How far can you drive in a day?" "All right." "They'll go to Danang..." "But we have nothing!" "...with enough money until the baby's born." "I'll send you money monthly." "To a bank or a relative." "I don't want you to know their address." "That's an absolute condition." "You will have enough to live on." "My steward will handle everything." "One day she'll come back!" "Don't forget her!" "She makes an excellent second wife." "Promise you won't forget her." "But the money never came." "Madame Lien saw to that." "My mother sold snails for a while in Danang but soon gave up and returned to Ky La." "My father, ashamed that I was unmarried and pregnant, refused to see me." " You want Mary Jane?" " Go away." "Hey, G.I., number one cigarette?" "How about some boom-boom?" "No, me no hooker!" " Give you $10." " No." "Cigarette?" " $15." " No." "Cigarette?" "What you hiding there?" "Those baby bellies turn me on." " Come on, give you $50." "Come on." " No can do!" "No, you fuck off!" "What's in the box?" "Johnny Walker, cigarette." " What's this?" " Marijuana, huh?" "This is all I have." "That's okay." "Where's Kim?" "Kim work." "Kim work." "I'll wait for her, little sister." "No, baby san." "Baby san." " You go bye." " Beer." "You go bye." "Beer?" "Yeah?" "I look for Kim." "Me daughter." " Kim here?" " She no here." "Please." "Me daughter, daughter." "I come long way." " Go away." " Please, please." "Me Papa." "Papa." "No see long time." "Please, please!" "Go now, you fucking stupid gook asshole!" " What are you doing here?" " Papa's at the house." "Paul's back." "Paul's back?" "So soon?" "Paul, good to see you, honey!" "This isn't a good time." "Oh, baby!" "I'm six weeks in the fucking bush." "I need some pussy bad!" "Now!" "Father came a long way to see me." "Not good time." "He's got time, I don't." "Get him out!" "Come back." "I need some pussy, baby." "Now!" "He pays my bills." "He's my man." " Will you come on?" " Give me a little time, Papa." "Come back in two hours." "Let's do it." "Ouch!" "Jesus Christ, baby." "See you." "I came to see your sister." "She's at work." "Selling near the base." " Is she doing well?" "Getting by?" " She's lazy." " But I help her all I can." " And the baby?" "I don't know why she seduced her master's husband." "When she got caught, did she keep quiet?" "No." "She has brought shame on us." "An unwed mother." "But she's not the only one who has brought shame to us." "I do the best I can, Papa." "I'll be late for work." "When you see be Ly tell her I came here to see her." "I miss her very much." "She should not worry about being punished for her mistake." "Life finds a way to balance itself." "Will you tell her that for me?" "Of course, Papa." "And me?" "You too, my sweet one." "Your boyfriend treated Papa so bad." "You would be ashamed." "You were there." "This is not the way Papa taught us to be." "Do you think I like what I'm doing?" "Somebody has to make a living here." "You don't help!" "I don't know why I let you stay here!" "My boyfriends complain about you!" "Pregnant women are bad luck!" "How disrespectful you are!" "If Papa..." "Papa what?" " An invader!" " Really?" "You sleep with the enemy!" "You betray your family!" "That's enough!" "That's enough out of you!" "And I'll marry one too!" "You'll see!" "And I'll get out of this goddamn country!" "And as for you, young lady no more charity for you!" "Go on!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Do you think that you're the only one Papa loves?" "You spoiled!" "Spoiled!" "To survive, I picked through the American base camp garbage." "And it was there that I first saw the remains of poor prostitutes who had been murdered by men." "Thank heaven it's a boy." "Put him up to feed quickly." "Too much blood." "How will you care for him?" "Better give him away or kill him." "And your shame will be washed away." "You're lucky, among the indig personnel referred to this office." "I will have no problem placing you." "Provided, of course, you play ball." "No big deal." "We'll do it any way you want." "Now, you do your best and I'll do my best." "Open door!" "Don't make such a big deal about it." "Just a little suck..." "Bitch!" "Stop!" "You!" "Call MP now!" "This man try rape me!" "Go!" "Go!" "Supposed to be a joke, right?" "It's a joke." "Months went by." "There were more prostitutes, black marketeers." "Everything had a price." "My family was suffering." "My papa had gotten old and sick and could no longer work the land." "Hey, G.I., you buy?" "You buy?" " Not today." " G.I., you buy?" "Smokes?" "You buy?" "G.I., you buy?" "Hey, Le." "Hi, Big Mike." "You look beaucoup sau." "No good day." "I got something to change your mood." "See those grunts?" "They're leaving for the world today." "So what?" "They want souvenirs?" "I got Chinese jade, Big Mike." "Mary Jane." "Titi money." "No, they want a real souvenir." "They want boom-boom you." "Beaucoup boom-boom over there." "Plenty crabs too." "These pencil-dicks are clean." "They've been in the bush since they got here." "One of them's going home to his wife." "Want them to go boom-boom some scuzzbag and bring home the clap?" "They're willing to pay $20 each head." "Le Ly good girl." "Fuck off." "Okay, 5 flags and that's just for one." "$100 for the other." "Two hundred dollars, real money." "Why?" "Too much." "You joking." "These guys got the bread from being in the bush." "I told them clean poon is expensive." "Look, Le..." "They beat the odds." "They want to leave something behind." "A memory." "Something." "Le Ly not that kind of girl." "No deal." "Jesus Christ, you drive a hard bargain." "400 fucking dollars." "This is green." "And that's it." "That's all they gave me." "You give me 50 commission, you pocket 350." "Support your family for a year, easy." "What's so hard about it?" "15 minutes." "It ain't even work." "Lie there and let them do the work." "What'll they do that ain't been done already?" "They don't got all day." "Take the money and give them a story to bring home." "You're no cherry." "Just do it for fucking world peace." "Come on!" "Send the poor bastards home with a smile." "My father was dying." "I returned for the first time to my village." "What are you doing here?" "I heard there's trouble." "Where's Papa?" "Your papa..." "The Americans came one day to look at our family bunker." "They think Vietcong inside, make Papa go inside first." "No VC!" "But he told them no one was inside." "They still throw grenade." "But it did not explode." "Then two Americans went in." "No more." "They were very angry at your papa." "They beat him." "Put paper on his back:" ""VC."" "Took him to prison." "Bad, bad beating." "Come, Mama." "Come." "Be Ly." "Papa." "You're drinking now." "Stupid wizard came by the other day." "He said to me:" ""I have nothing to tell you." Just like that." "I have no future." "He didn't mean it." "If I stay in the village, I die." "You know wizards hate to give people bad news." "You're just imagining things." "There's nothing to worry about." "Who's worried?" "What's wrong with living forever with your ancestors?" "I'm worried about you." "But your mother is not the same." "What happened to her?" "The Vietcong came after Americans, killed so many of them in a fight." "They were angry." "Traitor!" "Traitor!" "Your Uncle Luc told him to stop." "He yelled, "How can a woman who sends two sons to die for the revolution..."" "...think of betraying her country?" ""How can you accuse her?"" "Tell her to keep her mouth shut." "I never should have left Ky La." "I should have stayed to fight them all:" "The Vietcong the government." "What am I now, Papa?" "Not a warrior woman." "Not a Phung." "Just a tramp, begging in the streets." "So ashamed." "Don't be ashamed." "You did the best you could." "Listen to me." "You were born to be a wonderful wife and a mother." "Not a killer." "No, be Ly." "Don't ask what's right or wrong." "These questions are very dangerous." "Right is only the goodness you carry in your heart." "Love for your ancestors, for your family." "Wrong is all that comes between you and that love." "Go back to your son." "Make him the best son you can." "That is the war you must fight." "That is the victory you must win." "Quick." "Before they see you and talk." "My little peach blossom what will you do without me?" "My father died soon after." "He drank acid and died on the ground he loved." "My father taught me life is simple and compassion follows." "He taught me by forgiving me for being unwed and taking to his heart my little child." "I bought my father the best funeral he could have and we mourned him for 100 days." "A year passed." "I got work at the Korean commissary, serving drinks for tips." "The war got worse, and the Americans became part of our landscape part of us." "I want you to meet Steve." "He's sergeant." "Look, he want to meet nice Vietnamese girl." "Give me the rest of the money." "Hey!" "Wait a minute!" "Look back there!" "Yeah, I know her." "There she is." "She's come back." "Money, money." "Sorry, my friend no take no for answer." "She's scared you take back money." "You chase her." "Not my fault." "Sorry." "Yes?" "You want something else?" "I told you, I no want to be your girlfriend." "You want girl, you go see hooker." "Don't bother me." "I'm too old for hookers." "I just wanted to meet you." "I don't care about the money." "Your girlfriend introduced us, and that's all I wanted." "Since I have gone to all of this trouble you think it'd be all right if I just came in talked to you for a few moments?" "Just talk." "Please." "Just a moment." " Please." " Okay." "One minute." "I leave door open." "You bad guy, one funny move I call MP." "They right there." "I good girl." "Okay." "I go work now." "Thank you for coming." " I hope you happy stay in Danang." " I'll wait for you." "I go long time." "I work at Korean casino." "Serve booze." " Hostess." " That's okay, I have no place to go." "I gave my money to your friend and I can't afford a taxi out of here." "To tell the truth I'm tired from our little race." "Okay." "You can stay." "But not too long." "When you go, lock door, please." "Maybe we can have dinner later?" "I have dinner." "Not possible." "No problem." "Nice meeting you." "Lock door when you go." "Goodbye." "Hi." "I hope you don't mind if I stretched out for a while." "You're still here?" "You said I could rest." "And I did want to take you to dinner to thank you for your hospitality." "You no understand." "I no want go dinner." "Then we'll just go for a walk or a drink." "It doesn't matter to me." "I want you didi." "You nice man but I no want boyfriend." "You have a boyfriend?" "You dinky dau." "No." "No boyfriend." "Me had boyfriend." "But me no want new boyfriend." "I'm sorry." "It sounds like he hurt you." "Yes." "Beg your pardon?" "You want me give you money for taxi?" " I'm perfectly content right here." " I know." "I know you want stay here, but this my house." "You want woman, I call siclo." "I'm not interested in prostitutes." "I'm interested in you." "Is this your little brother?" "Is this handsome little boy your relative?" " My son." " Oh, of course he is." "He looks just like you." "A lot of spirit around the eyes." "Steve." "That your name?" "Yeah." "I sorry I not very nice to you." "You want some tea?" "Fat girl is my sister." "And this is Mom's eight dogs." "She has the eight ugliest dogs in the United States." "I think I better leave you alone." "Too much rain." "No taxi." "You stay until no more rain." "You sure?" "Oh, God, I'm sorry." " I'm sorry." " It's okay." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "Anyone home?" "Steve!" "What all this?" "Just a few things for you and your family." "We're gonna have Christmas all over again." "No, Steve, please." "You do not do this." "You cannot." "Oh, yeah." "Sure, I can." "Le, I'm not very good with words." "Even if I could speak your language I don't think I could tell you how I feel." "I just want peace and happiness." "I just want to be with you and help you and your little boy." "And your mom." " Anything wrong with that?" " I no want be your girlfriend, Steve." "I no want boyfriend!" "Me and men we have bad karma." "You understand?" "How much bad could have happened to a little girl like you?" "You no ask." "Goodbye." "You nice man." "You find better girl." "Now wait a minute." "Hold on here." "I know all about karma." "My karma has taken me all over the world most of my life living out of a duffel bag." "That's why I'm here." "It's time to settle down, quit pretending I'll live forever." "I'm going home to San Diego." "I got a house family there." "I want you to be there with me." "You'll be safe." "You'll be free." "Your boy will have his freedom and an education." "My first wife taught me a real lesson in my life." "I'm serious." "I need a good Oriental woman." "Like you." "If you'll have me I want you to be my wife." "Three years passed." "No, no, that's Tommy." "And we're going to change "Hung" to "Jimmy."" "We moved to the Central Highlands with Steve's new job." "Steve loved our new son, Tommy, as if his life had started again." "When you come to California, Mama san, to visit my mama san we'll take you to Disneyland in those pajamas." "Mama missed Papa too much and seemed to be living between this world and the next." "Everything's so hard." "Your papa wanted you to stay on the land." "I can't." "It's the past." "Who will take care of the land?" "I'm old." "Maybe Bon will come back." "I know he will." "America, Mama." "In America, I can save the children." "The South is dying." "Steve says it will fall faster than anyone thinks." "His mother and sister are near San Diego and he'll leave the Army soon for a good job." "He loves me." "I love him." "You love him?" "Yes." "He's good, Mama." "He loves the children." "Americans are thu vo thuy vo chung." "They have no beginning and no end." "They don't care about their ancestors." "So they think they are free to do any bad thing they want." "You will not be happy with this man." "And your father's spirit will not rest till his most-loved child sleeps in his house." " Where are we going?" " Just don't separate!" " What happened?" " They overran the base!" "Don't separate!" "Come on, come on!" " Come on!" "Get everybody!" " Wait!" "Jimmy!" "It's all right!" " Wait!" "Our things!" " There's no time!" "Get up there!" "Take that, okay?" "Goodbye." "Steve, we gotta go!" "Get the fuck out of here!" " This is the end of the line." " But Saigon!" " You're getting out of here." " You say you take us Saigon!" "No, come on!" "Go!" "You son of a bitch!" "Fuck you!" "Get out of here." "My family was now blown to the four winds." "But on the road out of Qui Nhon, I realized I was not alone." "My whole country was collapsing." "Just be calm." "Butler!" "Butler!" "Steven J?" "He's listed as missing in action." "Come back tomorrow." "Batowski!" "Anyone for Batowski?" "Ticket, American plane, $2000." "You come with me, American man give beaucoup greenback." "For dollars." "I got 10,000 piastres." "Look!" "It's Daddy!" "How are you doing, boy?" "It was everything I dreamed of." "America." "Big skies, and giant people crushed me in their arms." "And best of all was my husband, Steve Butler." "Marine Sergeant Butler." "Here it is." "The dream begins." "In his big, craggy face was everything I loved about America." "Played football with the guy that lived in that house." "My first girlfriend lived in this house." "She was a real dog." "You make me happy." "You make me very happy." "He's here!" "They're early!" "She's so cute." "Like a little China doll." "Oh, I just want to hug you to pieces!" "And the kids!" "I'm just gonna eat you up!" "Hi, honey!" "Home port." "Lock and load!" "There's Ma." " My baby!" " How are you?" "You can sure tell which is Steve's." "That's Le Ly." "I'm so happy to meet you, honey." "The boys." "Come on in." "Look at this!" "Not bad, huh?" "It's ranch style." "We'll be here for a while." "But soon we'll get our own place." " When did you get back?" " Last night." "We got a C-130..." " How was the flight?" " Long, you know." " Must've been terrible there." " We don't wanna talk about that now." "We'll talk about that later." "I've got steak and baked potatoes all planned, sweetie just like you like it." "And chocolate ice cream." "Does that sound nice?" "Do you eat that too?" "I prepare tea if you show me kitchen." "No, I'm supposed to do that." "You're the guest." "Come on, this way." "You hungry, Ly?" "You mind if I call you Ly for short?" "Let's see, for dinner we have steak, potatoes peas." "For dessert, strawberries." "We'll have you back to normal in no time." "The meat will take more work, but we've got that under control." "Isn't that magic?" "Bless us, O Lord, and Thy gifts which we are about to receive." "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost." "Amen." " Were the bugs bad?" " Oh, yeah." " What about drugs?" " Some guys got involved, some didn't." " My Stevie wouldn't do anything bad." " No way." "Johnny got killed." "Le Ly, you got such pretty hair." "Then we got an R and R in Australia." "You should see those beaches." "Was the money as good as they say?" "$14,000, I socked away." "Combat pay, overseas pay, the best." "I'd go for another year, if I could." "I guess it's over, though." "Beverly's been calling." "I'm sure she wants it all too." "Three more years." "Then I'm in fat city." " How are the kids?" " Great." "You gotta call in." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "John's having trouble in school..." "Yeah, look, I'll get right on it, okay?" "Can we just relax here?" "I'm sure Lee Lay's really jet-lagged out." "Aren't you, honey?" "You drink too much." "You forgot my name." "I'm sorry, Le Ly." "He was always slow in school." "Just think of it as a Saigon taxi." "Just a rental." "My personal vehicle's in the shop." "You know, I understand about money." "You in Marines a long time now and you live with your mother." "The problem is Beverly." "She gets half my paycheck." "Plus child support, and she's still pissed." "I'm in debt to the credit union for a loan they made me in '67." "I'm practically bankrupt." "I got three more years, I'll get out with a good pension." "Then I got a civilian job waiting for me." "Big bucks." "Just you and me." "We're gonna be back in the Far East." "Indonesia Singapore." "Could be making 65,000 bucks a year, guaranteed." "Promised to me." "What this job?" "I can't tell you." "Not just yet." "It's confidential." "But I guarantee it'll work out." "For your casserole we are featuring the 8-ounce can of Spam." "We need to go back to aisle three where that cute guy is." " He'd make a cute snack." " Yeah, great buns on him!" "Pick one." "Uncle Ben, I think." "Uncle trusted man." "No, we're not feeding the village." "Bernice doesn't even like this stuff." "This is America, baby." "Store stays open 24 hours." "You don't need money in America." "You just give this paper to the bank, and the bank pays." "They don't get it." "I do." "We'll lick them together." "We'll lick them together." "Thank you, Lord, for watching over us and giving us these things for which we are grateful." "In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost." "Amen." "It was on a Danang street." "Her girlfriend tried to rip me off." "I had one like that in Okinawa." "She had thighs like that turkey." "Cracked coconuts with them." "Wait, it's not what you think." "I chased her like a starving ARVIN, hunting a grain of rice." "Horseshit." "Don't run off with your filthy, dirty, salacious mind." "Don't give yourself a headache." "You and me are peas in a pod." "Oriental women will tell you what you wanna hear, do what you wanna do." "But if you wanna believe that, I'll salute you." "What are you saying?" "Oriental women are also very fucking loyal." "Have a drink." "All I'm trying to say is, more power to you, buddy." "Come on, Ly, it's Thanksgiving." "You can eat." "Think of the starving Vietnamese." "Leave her alone." "She always eats like a sparrow." "Rice and fish, fish and rice that's all the kids ever get." "They're starving for meat." "Give her a break." "She can't eat for her whole damn country." "I want her to know we're being generous." "I want her to be grateful." "Let me tell you about grateful." "We'd go to villages, and the first thing old men and women said to us was:" ""Please, sir, don't kill me."" "In Danang, we'd drive past hospitals past people our bombs had blown to bits." "And they'd wave." "Boys and girls with no arms, no legs, waving at us like tourists going to the beach." "Why?" "Because they're happy to be alive and glad to see us." "We put them where they were." "And there's 20 of them dead or mutilated for every one of us." "So don't expect Ly to do handstands over your goddamn turkey." "She knows exactly what she's got, and she knows what she's left behind." " Excuse me, baby brother." " Steve is right." "I'm sorry, Mrs. Butler." "Goddamn." "It's time the kids slept in their own bed." "They more loving when they stay with us." "Who going to protect them from evil spirits?" "Look, it ain't Vietnam in this bedroom." "It's California." "How can I even see you across all these bodies?" "Kids sleep alone." "Makes them more independent." "You Le Ly hero." "Tonight, you protect Le Ly." "You good man." "Just too much whiskey." "Steve?" "Steve." "I want to go work." "I want make money." "I want get out of here, out of house." "Your family like their dogs better than our boys." "What will you do, anyway?" "Work factory." "Restaurant." "There plenty Oriental restaurant growing here." "I'd like to go back to Vietnam." "Make a bundle." "I'll tell you the truth, I kind of miss it, in a way." "What this job they want you do for so much money?" "It's just between you and me, okay?" "Government has rules about what jobs you can do after what I've done." " What this job?" " It's arms." "Selling arms." "I don't understand." "You know, guns?" "Sell guns." "You joking?" "What do you think I did the last 17 years?" "What do military advisors do?" "I go to countries and teach them how to use weapons that our corporations sell." "How can you go sell guns to government that blow up women and children?" "If we didn't sell them, the Communists would." "And how would they or we be better off?" "Guns!" "Communists!" "Is that all Americans think about?" "It's the only thing I know how to do." "At least I'll make money doing it." "Do you ever listen to anything Le Ly tell you?" "Oh, shit." "You mean the Buddhist stuff." "Not just that!" "I mean my family, my life." "We don't know anything about each other, Steve." "You lied to me in Vietnam." "No, it wasn't a lie exactly." "It was a white lie." "A good lie." "Come on, baby, don't do this." "Come on, please." "I love you, darling." "Much against Steve's wishes, I found a job working in a circuit board factory." "I know the girls well, so I borrowed 5000." "I need 10,000 to open a little deli in a neighborhood with many immigrants." "Vietnamese never trust bank." "Loan money to each other." " You winning?" " Of course." "Can I borrow money?" "I think I'll make a $1400 profit a month." "I did not tell Steve." "He would be angry." "He didn't like my starting a business." "This one, I don't know about." "Those cost me 5000 in Vietnam." "Take it back to Vietnam." "I'm opening a restaurant." "Steve want to give me money, control me." "But I used to working having my own money." "But in America, he want me be housewife." "So I wear two hats." "I'm lucky?" "What do you mean?" "You told me two years!" "We had an agreement!" "Not one!" "No, no, no." "Two years, not $10,000." "$20,000." "I don't think so!" "I put in air conditioner!" "I clean electric wiring!" "I remodel!" "I put up shelves!" "I should pay 10,000 for two years, and you know it!" "When I tell Steve, we have a big fight, then more fights." "Hung, now Jimmy break my heart when he refused to speak Vietnamese with me as did Tommy and our new son, Alan." "In school, because of the war, they said they were Mexican." "I won't sign it." "Fine." "No sign." "I was starting to behave like an American yelling back at my husband, frowns, scowls." "And all the time you spend at the temple!" "Steve was drinking more and seemed unhappy with his job at the Marine base." "Buddha don't know shit!" "There was another side to Steve now I had not seen before." "He speak angry words now." "All blood and thunder words." "She's a bitch." "What do you want me to say?" "She wants more!" "No reason." "Money goes like water around here." "I got five kids including your bastard." "Marine Corps owns my body and my soul." "I got nothing of my own!" "Then why use $400 on two more guns?" "Why?" "Still bitching about money like a gook?" "Don't call me that." "You have no right!" "These are valuable." "I can sell them for twice what I got in them." "They could be the only thing between you and death." "Death?" "Death from who?" "You the only person who waves gun around here who drinks and shoots!" "Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't have." "They're my sons too and I'll teach them to hunt and shoot!" "They'll learn to survive." "No way, buddy." "You will not teach my sons to shoot!" "I see too many guns in my lifetime." "Killing no way to protect anything!" "I don't want guns in my house!" "No more." "You want them, you get out!" "Fuck you you lying little bitch!" "Don't tell me to go." "I read your letter." "What letter?" "The one from your dink lover." "I saw it stashed in your purse." "Anh?" "You went through my things?" "What's he writing you in Vietnamese about?" "He want you back?" "No." "He asked about Jimmy." "I send him pictures answer his questions." " That's all." " Bullshit!" "Lying bitch!" "Steve." "One time, I think I love you." "But I see now we're too different inside to be soul mates." "No more mistake now." "Not with children so young." "Are you saying you wanna divorce me?" "Is that it?" "One thing I learn." "In marriage, just one person can't be happy." "One miserable, both miserable." "That the way life works." "Oh, no, baby." "This is the way life works!" "Oh, my God!" "Steve." "I felt my soul would go then, any moment." "God is not cruel just practical." "In this life sometimes against all knowledge we're paying back for a lot of bad past lives." "I can't." "I can't live without you!" "They got me so tied up." "Who's doing this to you?" "The Marine Corps." "I'm not gonna get the civilian job I promised you." "I'm up for an Admin Board, and they're gonna kick me out." "You don't know the half of it, darling." " You don't know the half of it." " Tell me." "You must tell me all." "You feel better." "I'm a killer." "I killed so many over there." "I got so good at it, they assigned me to the projects." "Black Ops." "We killed sometimes three or four a night." "All kinds." "Rice farmers rich fat cats bankrolling the VC unit." "It was a complete mind fuck." "Psy ops, rip a man's guts out, take a bite out of his liver drop it on his chest so he don't go to Buddha heaven." "Leave him laying in the road." "Cut his nuts off stuff them in his mouth, sew up his lips, leave him laying in his bed." "Blame it on the VC, I didn't care." "Drugs, running guns, slavery." "You name it." "One time, this guy killed a gook girl I was shacking with." "We weren't to fraternize with Viet nationals outside channels so they killed her, they cut her throat from ear to ear." "I was in hell, baby." "I was in pure hell." "And maybe I went dinky dau over there." "Maybe I am nuts, who the fuck knows?" "The more I killed, the more they gave me to kill." "You know what it's like?" "It's like being eaten alive from the inside out by sharks." "You gotta keep hitting and moving because if you stop, the sharks will eat you alive." "One day, they cut me off." "Then one day, I found you." "And it all changed, I thought." "But, baby nothing ever changes." "So fuck me, right?" "No, no, no." "It's okay." "What's gonna happen to me, baby?" "I'm scared to death." "I don't know." "I too was a soldier in past lives." "I hurt many people." "I lied, I stealed I hate." "Now I pay." "Soldiers try to kill my life." "Long time, I have no man love me." "No respect." "It's my fate." "We're the same, Steve." "We have made bad karma." "And our soul debt will come due, if not in this life then in another." "But we can't give up." "We must try." "Different skin same suffering." "Can you love me?" "Can you really love me?" "Oh, my baby." "But the fights continued and continued." "Finally I went to see a lawyer." "In my heart, I thought I did not belong in this country." "And I thought of going home again." "He's not supposed to be taking furniture." "You better call your lawyer." "No, it's okay, Sharon." "Let him." "That's what a divorce is." "That's when you divide everything." " Not now..." " Please." "Let him go." "Eat up." "Daddy, you're back." " What you doing here?" " It's Sunday." " I came to take the kids to Mass." " I don't think so." "Get the hell out of the way!" "Jimmy, come!" " What're you doing?" " I'm going too." "No, you're not!" "You're gonna stay right goddamn here and fix lunch!" "Steve, Steve." "Lily, good to see you." "It's been far too long." "This is Steve." " How's Alan?" "Tommy?" " Fine." "You wanna see them again?" "Of course!" "I'm worried sick!" "The police want you." "Fuck them." "Do exactly what I tell you." "What do you want?" "Write a letter to your bitch lawyer, dropping the charges against me." "Tell her you want the house put into my name." "Tell her you're dropping the divorce." "You listening to me?" "Yes, I'm listening." "Get the letter notarized." "Take it to Father Bob." "I'll call him." "Do it, or you'll be sorry." "You'll get the letter." "Just don't hurt them." "They're ours." "They have our lives in them." "You just get that letter." "My boys." "I birthed them with pain." "I chewed their food for them." "I am shocked." "I am insulted at the insolence of men." "They don't respect women." "I cannot believe such men have known a mother's love." "If I show you a tiny baby killed by a bayonet and say it is his karma we may cry for the baby for the baby's karma and the bad karma of the soldier who killed it." "But we must never use our emotion to deny the wheel of incarnation that caused the act." "It is as natural as the movement of the sun and moon." "Master how can I tell him we must be friends and soul mates without being husband and wife?" "He has created much soul debt for himself." "But if you fail to give him the opportunity to redeem himself you will only increase your own soul debt." "The man-hate that blinds you will blind any man you find in a future life." "If you turn Steve away you will be rejecting your own redemption." "Child you have forgiven the men who raped you destroyed your country harmed your family." "This is how it should be." "Your karma is mixed with Steve to Tommy and Alan." "The future the past are all the same." "If you divorce you will only have to come back again and work it out again." "The path to nirvana is never being safe but tricky and steep." "And if you walk only on sunny days you never reach your destination." "Choose well my peach blossom." "A child without a father is like a house without a roof." "Hello?" "Listen carefully." "My sister Kim came to America and married Steve's military friend." "Steve and the two boys are here now." "They're drinking." "He's getting ready to take them to Canada." "The boys are upset." "They don't wanna stay with Steve anymore." "Oh, fine, next Tuesday." " Whatever you want." " Put Steve on." "I must speak to him." "Here." "It's for you." "Here." "Let go, honey." "Steve?" "Please, I know you hate me." "But I don't hate you." "Let me help you." "Let me try." "I feel your pain." "You come back home." "No police." "Just you, me, the children." "We make this right." "I'll go to your church." "I try harder." "I'll put the shrine away." "I love you, Steve." "I love the man I saw in Vietnam." "I find you again." "He's still there, Steve." "I still love you." "Steve, please." " You can't go in there." " My children." "They're all right!" "Steve..." "He killed himself." "The spirits are here." "Oh, this is marvelous." "Your husband is here." "He is a little shy." "He doesn't want to come into the house." "He's not used to this new world." "He's in much pain." "But he forgive you." "He ask for you to take his soul into the Buddhist temple." "He say:" ""Place me in the temple."" "As he finds peace so will your family and your children find peace." "That's it." "Are you sure that was Steve?" "He was such a strong Christian." "Trust me." "He change a lot." "And by the way..." "This house..." " What?" " Have to leave." "No good." "Your front door faces your back door." "Everything that come into your life the front way will go out the back." "Men money happiness everything." "Move fast." "It was 13 years after the war that I first returned to Vietnam." "To the spirit of my father to my sisters and brother Bon who had survived the war and to my mother, who I had not spoken to in years." "An ocean had come between us." "But I feared it would be the last time for my sons to see her." "I had prospered in America, yes." "I buy and rent houses, became partner in a restaurant working all the time, losing touch as a mother." "Affairs with different men, none of whom touched my heart." "Stopping in old Saigon first now Ho Chi Minh City my heart trembled with anticipation as I took Jimmy to see his father who, as a teenage girl, I'd fallen madly in love with twenty years before." "Had he changed?" "Ahn." "Be Ly." "Don't you start that again." "Papa." "Mama." "Be Ly." "You look healthy." "You're a ghost." "I don't see you." "I don't know where you are." "How is your sister Kim?" "Fine." "Fine." "Your grandsons." "My boys." "Jimmy's Hung." "Tommy's Chau." "Alan." "Born in America." "What'd she say?" "She says you're giant." "She can't believe your size." "You used to scratch your back on the wooden post in our house." " Look at her teeth!" " Stop that." "Brother." "Take a chocolate." "School?" "School." "I'm doing very good." "Take one." "Be polite." "I'm sorry, I can't." "Don't spoil the good time." "My oldest son and my youngest daughter are back with me." "My two halves on either side." "We share the same mother, I agree." "And I love her as a sister but I cannot accept her gifts." "I had this terrible fear that you would despise me because I married your enemy and left while you were still fighting." "It's been so many years." "Much is forgiven." "But you don't understand how much suffering Americans caused." "Things are very hard." "We use our own excrement to grow vegetables." "All we had to hold on to was the future because we knew that future would not arrive unless we won." "So we kept dying, no matter what just like ants beneath the elephant's feet." "It wasn't because we were brave." "Because we had no choice." "Our freedom was all all that mattered." "But when the future finally came there was more war the Cambodians, the Chinese." "When I came to look for Mama in 1980 you have no idea how much your mother suffered." "She was too old to work the paddies." "She had to give the land, our land, to the state after liberation." "When I found Mama and Hai, they were starving." "Their clothes were rags, their farm tools were stolen the animals slaughtered." "The house was in ruins." "Some wild dogs attacked them." "Nobody in the village cared for them." "They're just two old ladies scavenging and growing vegetables to stay alive." "Now you come here a rich, strange foreigner." "You'll turn the village against them and against us the Phungs, who have suffered so much." "Things were bad for everyone after liberation." "Many times, heaven and earth changed places." "If you ask me, rebuilding a nation after a war is like trying to start a family by getting raped!" "If war produces one thing, it's many cemeteries." "And in cemeteries there are no enemies." "All I could think of for so long was how I made your brother Sau go to war." "Your father wanted your brother to know some of the joys of married life but I said no, so sure I was doing the right thing." "Can you believe it?" "I gave up a grandson to gain a soldier." "And I lost both." "How wrong I was." "It was also anh Sau's choice." "He was just being a good son when he obeyed me." "If I could, I would have stopped you from going to America." "What would've happened to your sons here?" "I'm so proud of you, be Ly." "You've grown up to see the side of things that's hidden from most people." "Tears are God's way of paying you back for what He's taken." "I have no more tears." "I have cried them out to all directions of the wind." "My color's changing, Ly." "It began last year." "I have seen it before in others." "You have come back, and that's what matters." "You have completed your circle of growth." "Low tide to high tide poor to rich sad to happy beggar to a fine lady." "Your past is now complete and my destiny as your mother is now over." "I'm looking forward to joining your papa." "That night, I slept in the house my father built." "Afterward, he found no need to visit me in my dreams." "I gave my offerings to all the dead of the village." "I had come home, yes." "But home had changed and I would always be in between South, North East, West peace, war Vietnam, America." "It is my fate to be in between heaven and earth." "When we resist our fate, we suffer." "When we accept it, we are happy." "We have time in abundance, an eternity to repeat our mistakes." "But we need only once correct our mistake and at last hear the song of enlightenment with which we can break the chain of vengeance forever." "In your heart, you can hear it now." "It's the song your spirit has been singing since the moment of your birth." "If the monks were right and nothing happens without cause then the gift of suffering is to bring us closer to God to teach us to be strong when we are weak to be brave when we are afraid to be wise in the midst of confusion and to let go of that which we can no longer hold." "Lasting victories are won in the heart not on this land or that."