"~ Night Train to Lisbon (2013) ~" "That will make you think." "Based on the novel "Night Train to Lisbon" by Pascal Mercier" "(Bern, Switzerland)" "Stay there!" "Thank you." "May I walk with you?" "Fine." " Good morning, ladies and gentlemen." " Good morning, sir!" "We have a visitor, this morning." "Your coat..." "Have a seat there." "I am afraid there is a slight mishap on the way here..." "I think the corrections would still be legible." "Max, would you..." "do the honors?" "More work require there..." "No opportunity to honor and respect yourself." "But Marcus Aurelius was worth philosopher and an emperor." "There's no coincidence, that was the way with the Romans." "Thought and action were all one." "I think we were chapter 12, page 42." "Natalie, perhaps you da... begin?" ""How can it be that the Gods... overlooked this alone, that some lost men... and those very good men, who have had the most... "" ""into the course with the divine."" "Uh, just keep on going." ""If it is so that we live only a small part of the life which is within us,"" "" what happens to the rest?"" "Hello, Mr. Gregorius." "I am afraid your book on Persian grammar has yet to arrive." "Uh no, that's not why I came..." "Do you know that book?" "Indeed, I sold it to someone yesterday." "A woman?" "Yes." "She came in, asked for the Portuguese section from this book." "Sat there." "Read it for an hour or so then became rather upset." "Paid for the book and left..." "How did you come by?" "I found it." "Beautiful title." ""UM OURIVES DAS PALAVRAS"" ""A Goldsmith of Words."" "Train tickets." " Where to?" " Lisbon, eventually." "Leaving in 15 minutes." " Thank you." " She was wearing that coat!" "Attention please." "Line 10 on platform 8 is now leaving..." "What is all this noise?" " Where is Mr. Gregorius?" " He left, Mr. Kagi." "He left?" "There was a woman with him here." "Impossible." ""We live here and now."" ""Everything before and in other places is past."" ""Mostly forgotten."" "Hello." "Uh, this is Mr. Kagi." "Where are you?" " On a train." " A train?" " Where to?" " Lisbon." "Would you take care of my books?" "I left them on my desk." ""What could, what should be done..."" ""with all the time that lies ahead of us,"" ""open and unshaped,"" ""feather-light in its freedom..."" ""and lead-heavy in its uncertainty?"" ""Is it a wish?"" ""Dream like and nostalgic,"" ""to stand once again at that point in life..."" ""and be able to take a completely different direction..."" ""to the one which has made us who we are?"" "Do you have a room?" " Where is your luggage?" " I don't have any." "I will trust you and give you a room." "With a view of the sea." "There." "The sea." " Anything else, sir?" " Yes" "I wanted to find the address of the man who wrote this." "Thank you." " Anything else?" " No, thank you." "Good morning, I am looking for Amadeu de Prado." "One moment." "I believe you are looking for my brother?" " Yes." "Is the doctor in?" " Are you ill?" "No, I'm..." "I am reading this book." "I very much like to meet him." "What he writes touches me very deeply." "You should come inside." "You may sit." "Some tea?" "Red Assam is Amadeu's preference." "Thank you." "Tea, Clotilde." "This is Amadeu's favorite room." "It's beautiful room." "He has read everyone of those books." "Does he still practice as a doctor?" "Where did you get it?" "I came across it in Bern, where I live." "Only a hundred were ever printed." "I have six copies left." "I often wonder where the other 94 went." "Bern is in Switzerland, is it not?" "Yes." "And the book has traveled?" "..." "That is a good thing." " Has he written anything else?" " Nothing that has been published." "He wanted to be a writer, a philosopher..." "Then he decided to become a doctor." "He didn't believe people should be in pain." " Is that him?" " That is our father" " He was a famous judge." " So, I gather from the book." "He and Amadeu had a rather complicated relationship." ""Consider from the standpoint of eternity that rather loses its significance."" "Yes." " He often said that to Amadeu." " Amadeu does not believe in eternity." "Unfortunately not." "I don't mean to pry, but... may I ask how your father died?" "No." "No, you may not." "If you want to see Amadeu... you will find him in Cemetery Prazeres." ""We leave something of ourselves behind..."" ""when we leave a place,..."" ""we stay there, even though we go away."" ""And there are things in us..."" ""that we can find again only by going back there."" ""We travel to our souls when we go to a place..."" ""that we have covered a stretch of our life,..."" ""no matter how brief it may have been."" ""But by travelling to ourselves, we must confront our own loneliness." ""And isn't it so that everything we do..."" ""is done out of fear of loneliness?"" ""Isn't that why we renounce..."" ""all the things we will regret at the end of our life?" "Excuse me." "I am looking for Amadeu de Almeida Prado." " Prado." " Thank you." "(In Portuguese)" ""..." "When dictatorship is a fact, revolution is a duty..."" "Merda idiota!" "(Portuguese) ["Fucking idiot!"]" ""Is it ultimately a question of self-image,"" ""the determining idea one has made for oneself..."" ""of what one has to have accomplished and experienced..."" ""so that one can approve of the life one has lived?"" ""If this is the case,"" ""the fear of death might be described..."" ""as the fear of not being able to become whom one planned to be."" ""If the certainty befalls us that it will..."" ""never be achieved, this wholeness,"" ""we suddenly don't know how to live the time..."" ""that can no longer be part of the whole life."" "Better?" "Or worse?" "Better." " You feel as if you wrote the book yourself?" " I would like to then." "Talks about everything that preoccupying him for years." "Better?" "Or worse?" "Worse." "Tell me one of these beautiful sentences you read." ""The real director of life is accident --"" ""a director full of cruelty,"" ""compassion and bewitching charm."" "By accident, he means fate?" "No, I think he means chance, randomness chance." "Let's take a break, rest your eyes for a moment." "You are a man who does not sleep well." " You can tell?" " The eyes reveal everything." "Look at these eyes." "Tell me what they reveal." "Melancholic, but hopeful." "Tire, but persistent." "Contradictory." "Why would his sister pretend that he is still alive?" "I have no idea." "Shall we resume?" "So you met a woman in a red coat who disappeared..." " ... and you just dropped everything?" " Then I read the book." "I would love to be able to do that, just drop everything..." " You do that often?" " No, I never done anything like that before." "Best?" "Or worse?" "Uh, better." "How does that feel?" "You talk about seeing his feeling." " Well, isn't it?" " I suppose it is." " How clear is it?" "The image." " Very clear." "And how about this?" "Everything is in focus." "Sir, we have this new one here..." ""The decisive moment of life,"" ""when its direction changes forever,"" ""are not always marked by loud and shrill dramatics."" ""In truth, the dramatic moments of a life-determining experience..."" ""are often unbelievable low-key."" ""When it unfolds its revolutionary effect..."" ""and make sure that life that it revealed in a brand-new light."" ""It does that silently."" ""And in this wonderful silence resides its special nobility."" "Now you wonder if the old pair were better." " Yes." " But they are not, are they?" "No, they feel very light." "Getting used to them will take some time." " You take credit cards?" " You can sort all that out with my receptionist." "Before you go..." "I have an uncle." "He lives in a nursing home across the Tejo (river Tagus)." "I called him last night and told him about you and the book." "He knew Amadeu de Prado well." "I told him you want to know about Amadeu and he said he'll talk to you." "He was in the resistance." "I must warn you, my uncle can be difficult." "In what way?" "The generation that lived under the dictator Salazar is still battling to come to terms with what happened." "When the resistance began, the Secret Police were extremely brutal." "To this day, people don't like talking about it," "The block of jail as well as their victims." "Uncle João, how are you?" "What you doing here?" "This is the man I was telling you about, Raimund Gregorius." " I brought him." " I said I talk to him, not you." " But..." " You can wait in reception." "We go to the lounge." "So, you are interested in Amadeu de Prado?" "Yes." "Mariana tells me you have a book of him?" "Would you like to see it?" "I can imagine what it is like." "A godless priest." "That's a good description." "He was the only visitor there allowed in prison." "Every week he visits, with books and medicines, and cigarettes... which of course, they take away the moment he leaves." "Yeah, he had privileges." " What sort of privileges?" " The kind you don't want in life." " Do you have cigarette?" " No, sorry, I don't smoke." "Pity." "Mariana tells me that you and Amadeu were in the resistance." " And Jorge, his best friend." " Oh yes, he wrote a lot about Jorge." "Oh, they were joined at the heart and the soul." "For a time..." "But Amadeu, he was too soft for the resistance." "He only joined because he feel quilt." "Mariana tells me you are from Switzerland?" "Yes, Bern." "There was never a revolution in Switzerland, was there?" "No." "Somehow they always managed to avoid such things." "They wouldn't know what it's like to live without trusting." "No one to trust, no friends, no family." "I met his sister, Adriana." "She..." "She acts as if he is still alive." "And she wears black as is in mourning." "Looking at only fill my cup halfway?" "No one has ever done that for me before." "Yeah, it burns." "A gift from PIDE, the Portuguese Secret Police." "[Polícia Internacional e de Defesa do Estado]" "Rui Luís Mendes was his name." "["Butcher of Lisbon"]" "1973, in the spring time..." "I'm home." "Who are you?" "Where's my wife?" "She kindly took your children for a walk." "This woman that knows all the names." "Where do I find her?" "I do not know..." "I do not know what you are talking about." "Your wife tells me you are an excellent pianist..." "Will you play for me?" "And my friend?" "Please." "Can I see you hands?" "Please." " What should I play?" " Play as your favorite." "They say she has a photographic memory." "Is that true?" "I ask you once more, where is she?" "What made it all that more terrible was that someone said yeah" "Amadeu, he saved Mendes' life." "Dinnertime." "They-- they serve us early here, like in prison." "Not for the inmates, you understand, but for the staff." "I'm glad he finally been able to tell someone about it." "I just wish it had been me." "It is ofter easier to speak with strangers." "With my family it's a bit different." "Pain is something we pretend happens to other people." "When Uncle João disappeared, our parent told us he had gone to Brazil to work." "Then after the Revolution, when he was released, they told us he had an accident with his hands." " He is very fond of you." " He is?" "He said you are the only one from the family who ever visited." "He is always so grumpy, I don't blame the others." " What else did he say?" " He said he wish you are married." "I hate him!" "Then when you visited, there'll be children." "He actually said that?" "And he is fond of me?" "Do you have children?" "No." "I have my students... but the faces change every year, so I try not to too fond of them." "I think now you are staying another day?" "Yes, I might have to." "Beautiful glasses." "Father Bartolomeu?" "Yes." "João Eça tells me that you buried Amadeu de Prado." "I would prefer to be remembered in this manner:" "who taught Amadeu, not the one who buried him." "Amadeu was 12 years old when he first came to the school." "He came with no bag, no books... and read them all, you think." "Everything was in his head." "What does he say about the school, in his book?" ""For 1922 days,..."" ""I attended the 'Liceu (school)' where my Father sent me,..."" ""the strictest school in the whole country."" ""By the third day I realized I had to count the days,..."" ""so as not to be crushed by it."" "He hated it that much?" "Were Jorge and Amadeu in the same class?" "Uh, no." "Not at first." "Amadeu skipped 2 grades." "He was that bright, you see." "And for 2 years, they were in the same class." "Or I should say, they were in a class of their own." "Amadeu, the aristocrat, and Jorge, the working class boy." "They had a very noted curiosity in those two." "They would lie to their mothers that they were going to spend the night at the friend's house." "Instead, they came here." "How did you find them, Jorge?" "I was sleeping here and I found the floor was loosen." " Jean-Paul Sartre (French philosopher)..." " Karl Marx (German philosopher)..." "Henry Miller (American writer)..." "My God, if we found these books..." "We would end up in Tarrafal ("Camp of the Slow Death") along with all the other political prisoners." "But your father would never allow that, would he?" "Amadeu." "He would get Grand Minister Salazar personally intervene and have the case thrown out of court." "You think it is a joke my father is a judge." "I think it is a joke that the son of a green grocer has friended with the son of a judge." "That is funny." "You have to admit." "Amadeu would have been unhappy wherever he was." "He never played games with the other boys." "He never let himself go... except one time." "No body forgot that time." "Make room there boys." "Make room." " My father is here." " Of course he is." "What do you expect?" "You should read this, Jorge." "You wrote most of them anyway." "They are your words." "I only helped to choose them." " Amadeu, which is our religion?" " Loyalty." "What are our values?" "Truth, above all else." "Exactly." "Just keep your eyes on me and you'll be fine." "As is traditional, we end our ceremony with a grade 12 graduation speech." "In this year, that honor will be bestow to Amadeu de Almeida Prado." "I would not like to live in a world without cathedrals." "I need their beauty and grandeur against the dirty colors of military uniforms." "I love the powerful words of the Bible." "I need the force of its poetry." "I need it against the decay of language and the dictatorship of worthless slogans." "But there is another world I do not wish to live in." "A world in which independent thinking is disparaged, and the finest things we can experience denounced as sin." "A world in which our love is demanded by tyrants, oppressors and assassin." "And most absurdly, people are exhorted from the pulpit to forgive these creatures and even to love them." "It is for this reason we cannot just put the Bible aside." "We have to throw it away completely." "for it speaks only of vain holier-than-thou." "In his omnipresent, the Lord observes us day and night." "He takes note of our acts and thoughts." "But what is a man without secrets?" "Without thoughts and wishes that he, and he alone, knows?" "Does the Lord our God not consider" "He's stealing our soul with his unbridled curiosity, a soul that should be immortal?" "But who would in all seriousness want to be immortal?" "How boring to know that what happens today, this month, this year, does not matter?" "Nothing would count." "No one here knows what it would be like to live eternally." "And it's a blessing we never will." "One thing I can assure you, it would be hell, this endless paradise of immortality." "It is death and only death, that gives each moment beauty and horror." "Only through death is time living thing." "Why does the Lord not noticed?" "Why does He threaten us with a... endlessness that can only be unbearably desolate?" "I would not want to live in a world without cathedrals." "I need the luster of their windows, their cool stillness, their imperious silence." "I need the holiness of words, the grandeur of great poetry." "But just as much I need the freedom to rebel against everything that is cruel in this world." "For the one is nothing without the other." "And no one may force me to choose." "What do you think?" "I though you would deliver a speech in Latin." "But then, only a very few, would understood it." "Are you friends with that boy?" "We are the best of friends." "All of those faces, and more, came to his funeral." "He died on the day of the Revolution." "Oh so, they all brought red carnations." "I dared not speak any words about God after what Amadeu called "His empty promises."" "But I did allow myself... one religious word." "Amen." "I was very proud of him." "And why did you never tell him, papa?" "To this day, I never found out what secret bound those two together, and what that to do with Amadeu." " My brother is not here." " I know." "Go away." "I know what happened." "He had an aneurysm." "[abnormal widening of an artery] [leading to thin vessel wall]" "It's in the book." "How do you live with that?" "No one had ever telling him blood vessel could burst, flooding your brain with blood?" "I only found out after when I discovered his writings." "He never told anyone." "Not even me." "I am sorry." "I didn't mean to upset you." "No, wait." "Let me show you where he worked." "People came day and night, to see him," "to be healed." "No one should be in pain, he always used to say." "The door was always opened." "I met João Eça." "He mentioned that Amadeu was in the resistance..." "Huh." "the resistance  and that he saved Mendes' life." "It was late in the evening." "There were terrible shouts across the square." "Murderer!" "The Police!" "We need help!" "Get the doctor." "In there!" "Amadeu, you need to come, now." "Is this...?" "Out." "Out!" "Adriana." "A traitor." "Traitor!" "Traitor." " You are a traitor!" " I'm a doctor." "You hear me?" "A doctor!" "You are a traitor!" "He sat him down in this very chair and washed his face." "His beautiful face." "After that, people stopped coming." "Even Jorge." "That pretty hurt him." "You know of Jorge?" "I know they were great friends." " Why is the world so cruel?" " I ask myself that..." " It is if it doesn't care." " God doesn't care." "Amadeu was right about that." "I would like to be alone now." " May I call on you again?" " Why?" "His life, his world, was  extraordinary." "Makes my seem so insignificant." " You have cigarettes?" " Which brand?" "Um..." "You brought them?" "No, wait, wait." "Everyone here is a spy." "Worse than the damn fascists." "We go outside." "You didn't telephone me just to get cigarettes." "I called because... talking to me let me sleep better, last night." "Amadeu, he never smoked." "He's the only one who didn't." "Jorge, he smoked like a chimney." " Jorge, uh-- is he still alive?" " I don't know." "I never talk to him after what happened with Estefânia." "No one knew how to." "It was too personal." "Who is Estefânia?" "The woman who remember everything." "That's why they picked me up to get to her." "Lieutenant Nicholas Ribeiro." "Benfica. 28 December." "Telephone, 857-2463." "7th Article." "Captain Carlos Peixe." "Sintra, 47 Rua (street)..." "Sh-e-e." "Is that Amadeu de Prado?" "Jorge..." " Are you in there?" " Let him in." "Why have you been avoiding me?" "Everyone else I can understand." "But you?" "I am not avoiding you." "You are lying, Jorge." "We do not lie to each other!" "I want to join the resistance." "Because of guilt?" "As a doctor, I had no choice." "As a doctor, you should have injected poison into his heart." "Not adrenaline [medical stimulant]." "Sit, Amadeu." "Are you going to introduce me to your friends?" "This is João" "And this, is Estefânia." "I was going to introduce you sooner but... the resistance keeps us busy." "Is she beautiful?" "What if you first assignment was to kill your father?" " Why?" " Because he is a judge." "Part of the fascist regime." "Don't be upset, Amadeu." "I was just testing you." "You knew it, straight away." "E-- even Jorge would see it." "Estefânia, she was completely drawn to him." "And the names and addresses?" "Members of the armed forces sympathetic to our cause." "She had them stock piled in her head more than 200 names, waiting for the day we call them, rise up against the fascists." " May I have my key please?" " Of course sir." "Is Miss. de Prado at home?" "She asked for you to wait, if you come." "Why you bring back the past?" "I want to know how it felt to be Amadeu." "Did you know him?" "Amadeu, you must eat." "You need to be strong for your final exams." "Stand up." "Sit down." "Mom come help me." "I have to do this otherwise you will die." "Take your hands away." "Adriana, trust me." "Clotilde, call an ambulance!" "The ambulance and the doctor came and Adiana was rushed to hospital." "You can leave us now, Clotilde." "The doctor said I did the right thing." "Why did you say nothing?" "Why do you judge me so?" "The intervention is called tracheotomy." "If I hadn't done it, you would have carried her out in a coffin." "I too shall have a cup of tea with you." "So now, you know." "From then on I was indebted to him." "Just as Rui Mendes was indebted to him." "The police knew very well the... clinic was been used as a cover for the resistance." "They never came and searched." "People would drop off envelopes of money, and... names, addresses, maps." "And then she would come." "Next." "Why have you not call me?" "I left messages." "I have something for João." "I have to talk to you." "I cannot go on with Jorge." "Leave us." "Adriana, leave us." "Then one night, it-- it all ended." "How?" "Something had happened..." "I do not know what, except that was the last time I ever saw her." " There are patients waiting for you." " Send them away." "We do not send patients away?" "!" "Do it now." "If someone comes to the door." "Do not answer it." "Switch off the lights." "We are not here." "João Eça is at the door." "I'll be back." "Amadeu!" "Come." "Come in." "Where is she?" "Estefânia?" "I don't know." "She went one way, I went another." "Jorge came to me;" "the problem is Estefânia." "What do you mean?" "He wants..." "he wants to eliminate her." "What?" "He said if they get to her, they'll get the names." "It will be the end of it." "Jorge wants to kill Estefânia?" "If she or Jorge come here, call me." " You understand?" " I understand." "Okay." "What a mess." "What are you going to do?" "Pack a bag and some food;" "I am taking the car." " To where?" " Away from here." " With her?" " Of course with her." "No, please no, Amadeu!" "I beg you, don't do this thing!" "Tell them she's here." "Don't go away with her." "I beg you!" "Please, don't go!" "Do as I say." "Don't do this thing, it's wrong!" "Something terrible will happen, I know it will!" "He stepped over me." "I'll never forget that." "He stepped over me... like I was... nothing." "Could I have a coffee, please?" "Mr. Kagi, its me." "I am sorry I missed your call yesterday." "Don't tell me you are still in Lisbon?" " Yes, I am." " Where are you staying?" "Hotel Silva." "You wouldn't have heard..." "Is it raining in Bern?" "I can't keep teaching your class, you have to come back." "You don't come back, I am going to have to get replacement for you." "You want me to do this?" " Perhaps..." " I need a "yes" or "no", Raimund." "Mr. Kagi, I have to go." "I'm sorry." "Why are you following me?" "Where does this come from?" "His sister, Adriana, came across his notes." "She put them together in a book." "I came across that in Bern, Switzerland." "I want to know what happened to Estefânia." " Why?" " Amadeu is dead..." "Adriana does not know." "You are the only one who does." "Get the hell out of here!" "Get out!" "Why has my uncle started smoking again?" "What?" "The doctor from the nursing home called me and told me a stranger visited him and brought him some cigarettes." " But he asked me to bring him..." " Are you trying to kill him?" "He already has emphysema!" "[a chronic lung disease]" "Yeah, but he enjoys smoking." "Why deny him that pleasure?" "Because it's bad for him." "So is in that nursing home." "Reminds him of being in prison." " How are your new glasses?" " I'm getting used to them." "Would you have dinner with me?" "I thought you never ask." "If-- if-- if Jesus had been put to death with a guillotine we all be praying before a big shiny blade." "Or-- or if He've been electrocuted we will be genuflecting in front of a chair." "But can you really do that?" "Nobody dislike to be another person without being the other person." "You can "imagine" what it's like to be that other person." ""Imagination is our last sanctuary." That's one of his lines." "There he also said, "Intimacy is our last sanctuary."" "You remember the lines verbatim." "Uh that's figure they-- they mean something to me." "Poor Estefânia, she-- she remembered everything, even trivial things -- numbers, names, phone numbers, addresses..." "To have a memory like that must drive me mad." "Sorry, I am going on." "I haven't talked as much as this for years." "No, no." "I'm fascinated..." "May I ask you how long you have been on you own?" "Five and a half years." "But before that, you spoke to you wife?" "Yes... but it... usually landed me in trouble." "What kind of trouble?" "Well, we threw a party to our colleagues... well... our friends." "And she found this quote from Pessoa [Fernando Pessoa, a Portuguese poet]:" ""Fields are greener in their description than their actual greenness."" "And somebody said, "Ow that's a beautiful sentence."" "I said, "Yes, but, only a very few people would ever understand it."" "And there was-- terrible silence, and then she said, my wife..." "She said, "And I suppose you are one of the chosen few?"" "So, that was the end of that party." "But you were right." "Yes, but-- it-- was arrogance of me." "Stupid marriage." "And is that why she left you, because of your arrogance?" "No." "I think she left me because she found me... boring." "We are still in touch." "She called the other day, she wanted me to move my books out of the garage, because her new boyfriend wanted somewhere to park his car." "Don't know why I am telling you all of these." " Would you like to dance?" " No, I can't." "I can't dance." "You see?" "Boring." "Thank you." "I enjoyed that." "Raimund, you are not boring." "My uncle would like to see you again." "Would you take him some cigarettes?" " Jorge is still alive." " You went see him?" "Still running the same pharmacy." "Smoking cigarette while he serves his customers." " You brought some?" " Yes I did." "Estefânia was in the house when I was there?" "She found them together in his study." "No wonder he lied to me... because you know, he never lied." "He could not tolerate dishonesty." "What had happened earlier that night?" "Jorge's place become too small, and so we hired a room in an old warehouse for our meetings." "We pretended it was a literacy class." "Estefânia's idea." "We were so naive..." "Nuno, Beleza the railways." "The numbers you will call are:" "Lisbon, 642-3518, contact name, Leonardo;" "Port, 235-5900, contact name, Julius." "The signal to take over will come from Radio Renaissance now." "It will be the song that was banned." "The song by..." " Excuse me." "Are you lost?" " Is this the literacy class?" "Yes, we were just finishing." "Please take a seat." "Most letters have more than one pronunciation except the letter "X", and we'll explain that in more detail next week." "Thank you all." "What is a professor of music doing here?" "I met someone who cannot read" "I wanted to see for myself what kind of course it was, before recommending it." "What is this person's name?" "Um-- ur-- Caspian." "How original..." "Seat down, all of you!" "Nobody leaves this room!" "Out." "Out!" "Give me your gun." "What for?" "We have to do what is right for the resistance." " What happened to the others?" " Estefânia and Amadeu they got away." "But... they gonna find her and then she will talk." "The others they don't know much." "But Estefânia, she knows everything." "What are you talking about?" "You want to kill Estefânia?" "No." "No, no." "I don't want to, but I have to." "One life for many lifes." "Give it to me." "João, give it to me." "I never find out what really happened." "Did he tell you?" "No." "When I asked him, he tell me to-- get lost." "I need to know, I can't tell you how many time I wish" "I never have given him that gun." "Three days later, Rui Mendes he picked me up." "He broke my hands and my spirit, but I never give him one single name." "You-- you-- you tell that to Jorge." "He knows me." ""Youth, we live as if we were immortal."" ""Knowledge of mortality dances around us..."" ""like a brittle paper ribbon that barely touches our skin."" ""When in life does that change?"" ""When does the ribbon tighten..."" ""until finally it strangles us?"" "Mr. Kagi?" "Have you made a decision yet?" "No." "A woman came asking for you." "She said she met you on a bridge, or something." "A Portuguese woman?" "I told him where you were but she left." "If you decide not to come back, I need your keys." " Would you post them to me?" " No, this woman..." "Did-- did she leave her name?" "No." "Goodbye, Mr. Kagi." "João Eça want to know what happened to Estefânia." "He says you owe him." "I owe no one anything." "You know what they did to his hands?" "Those hands that used to play Mozart?" "He didn't give them one name." "If he had, you wouldn't be standing here." "You think you can blackmail me with guilt?" "You don't know who you are dealing with!" "Could I haven't killed her?" "That is the question!" "Don't you know we don't talk about-- about the resistance here?" "We bury our history and move on!" "You want a drink?" "You are sitting where Amadeu used to sit, until this thing with Mendes happened, then we..." "We have the list of reasons for loyalty:" "guilt towards others, shared suffering, common struggle, common strength, weakness, need for closeness," "common hatred, shared humor, and so on." " What about love?" " He didn't believe in it." "Avoided the word as too sentimental." "There are only 3 things that are important to him:" "desire, pleasure and security." "Desire..." "she is Jewish." "I don't trust people who don't drink." "Have a cigarette." "You are okay?" "Yeah." " João still loves to smoke?" " He would." "The night after we graduated from Coimbra University, me as a pharmacist, Amadeu was a doctor." " What?" " Come, I have something to show you." "What do you think?" "So?" "It's a-- it's a pharmacy." "Yes..." "It's yours." "Come in." "I need a pharmacist I can trust if I am going to be writing up prescriptions." "Here." "I could not believe what he given me." "After that I never thought we could lose our friendship." "I never thought it possible." "One not much to look as, I know I'm an ugly bastard." "So, when she came along..." "God, she was beautiful" "I thought some of her would somehow rub off on me." "At least that is what I think I thought." "And this is Estefânia." "Was going to introduce you, but..." "The resistance keeps us busy." "Isn't she beautiful?" "It was the way she took my hand and removed it from her neck." "Her eyes penetrating him..." "We'll think about it, Amadeu, and get back to you." "Alright?" "Perhaps we can use your clinic as a drop." "Why did you take my hand off your neck?" "Did I?" "Have you ever been in love?" "So that not even food matters." "Not even words." " I am not sure." " You would be sure." "Your would know." "You always know." " You thinking of him." " What?" "You wished I was Amadeu." "Does he mention me in the book?" "A lot." "And I am surprise she published it." "Adriana hated me." "Wanted him for herself, even not even want to share him with her father." "You know what happened to him?" "No." "A few months before the revolution, he went to Amadeu who endorsed for stronger pain killer for his back." "Adriana came every week to the pharmacy for the pills." "But he never took them;" "he hoarded them." "A week after Amadeu died, he swallowed over one hundred." "The newspapers said he died there after a long illness..." "Catholics don't appreciate suicide." "Everyone out!" "Estefânia, come with me." "If I had the gun then I might have shot her." "And when you got the gun?" "I went strict to Amadeu's clinic." "I knew they would be there." " Where are they?" " They've gone." " Don't lie to me..." " They've gone, Jorge." "Give me the gun." "Estefânia, is she-- is she still alive?" "I bumped into her two years ago." "She was here attending some seminar, or..." "I asked her how she was." "She told me she was teaching history." "Where?" "At the University of Salamanca, Spain." "And, your pharmacy..." "Why do you leave the lights on at night?" "To remind me of Amadeu." "Mr. da Silva, can I have my bill please?" " Are you going back to Switzerland, sir?" " Yes, via Spain." "They say weather right now in Switzerland is terrible rain, snowing, wind..." "I have to go." "Could I have my bill please?" "Excuse me." "Hello!" "I want to thank you for what happened on the bridge." " I've been reading your book." " I don't want it." "I just want to thank you for what you did." "I got your coat." "You left it behind." "Tell me your name." "Catarina Mendes." "Yes... that Mendes." "I am the granddaughter of the "Butcher of Lisbon"." "I didn't know who we was until I read the book." "You can't blame yourself for what you grandfather did..." "You don't understand." "I loved him." "I cried at his funeral..." "And I did not understand why so many other people were not crying." "Anyway... it will take some time, but I learned to live with this." "This would be the same road they took." "But at night, and in great danger." "And in love." "I was moved to see my uncle cry like that." "I don't know what pleases him more." "The news that Estefânia is still alive, or, got the cigarettes we gave him." "So, you are returning to your school and continue teaching?" "If they'll have me." "I am sure I'll come back and visit." "Are you sure she'll be in?" "She said she'll be here..." "Are you coming?" "I'll wait in the car." "Go Raimund." "I'll be fine here." "Take your time." "Welcome Raimund." " I'm Estefânia." " Thank you so much for meeting me." "You have the book?" "I do." "He only looks just as I remember him." "So long ago and still so here..." " Would you like some tea?" " Thank you!" "What about your friend?" "Only she is, um, she is happy in the car." "I joined the resistant after my father was arrested in 1971, for sabotage." "They sent him to Tarrafal." "You have heard of it?" "Yes." "It was also known as the "Campo da Morte Lenta", "The Camp of the Slow Death"." "It took them two years to kill him." "And that is how I met Jorge." "I need someone strong." "Someone to protect me." "I thought that was love." "But then I met Amadeu..." "A new light fell on everything." "My whole life." "I could not sleep any more." "I went to the clinic as often as I could... despite Adriana's look." "He wanted to take me in his arm but he kept rejecting me." ""Jorge", he would say, "What about Jorge?" I began to hate Jorge." " Do you mind if I smoke?" " No." "Please." "Jealousy is a terrible emotion." "I could tell from his shoulders he had seen us." "Awful... awful." "But in a way I was relieved it was done." "Are you sure your friend is alright?" "Oh yes." "She is fine in the car." "We drove through the night." "Amadeu kept questioning me." "Was he searching for me or for life?" "He wanted to know everything my whole life, like, memories, thoughts, fantasies, dreams..." "It was relentless." "It was almost a relief when 5 km from the border he stopped and hid me in the trunk." "Passport." " Why are you traveling to Spain?" " I am going to visit relatives." "Get out of the car, please." "Keys." "Do you know Major Rui Luís Mendes of PIDE?" "What about him?" "I want you to call him." "I have his home number." "I want you to tell him your are treating me like a criminal." "He wants to talk to you." "This is Dr. Amadeu de Prado." "You are asking too much of me." "You took my life away from me." "I want it back now." "Give the phone back to my man." "Ironic that I should ultimately be saved... by the Butcher of Lisbon." "That night... we drove to Finisterra and slept in the car." "Don't go away." "We'll take a ship to the Amazon to a new world only you and I existed." "I write books... we invent a new language that only you and I understand." "We go up the river as far as it takes us." "Back in time and into the future." "The very beginning of the end." "What would I do?" "You'll share it with me." "The same air, the same feelings, same tastes..." "Things that you want... you want them for yourself, not for me." "I want them for both of us." "He was hungry for me, and for life." "But the journey he wanted to take was into his own soul not into mine." "I cannot do it, Amadeu." "What do you mean?" "You want more than I can ever give." "And I'm not ready." "I'm so sorry..." "I have friends in Salamanca." "Will you take me to them?" "He drove me to Salamanca... he shook my hand," "he wished me well and left." "The next I heard, he was dead." "I always thought I killed him." " He had an aneurysm." " An aneurysm?" "A blood vessel burst in his brain." "He..." "He had it for a long time." "Did you go to his funeral?" "You didn't really think I would do it, did you?" "It is no longer important." "So what happened to the names and telephone numbers you had in you head?" "Lisbon 331-4518, contact name, Carlos;" "Sintra, 245-102, contact name, Nuno..." "I wrote them all down and passed them on to someone safe." "A few months later they were used to initiate the revolution." "Your friend must be very tire of waiting." " You can keep the book if you like." " Thank you." "And probably more ready for him now than I was back then." " Goodbye, Raymund." " Goodbye, Estefânia." ""We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place,"" ""we stay there, even though we go away."" ""And there are things in us that we can find again..."" ""only by going back there."" ""We travel to our souls when we go to a place..."" ""that we have covered a stretch of our life,"" ""no matter how brief it may have been."" "This is me." "Well, we still got... 5 minutes." "Thank you for... telling me I wasn't boring." "But when I think of their lives," "Amadeu, Estefânia, the others, their lives full of such vitality," " intensity..." " So much so it broke them apart in the end." "But they lived." "Whereas my life... apart from these last few days..." "And now you are going back to it." "Oh, why don't you just stay?" "What?" "Why don't you just stay?"