"Sir, I'm sorry for the horrible misunderstanding." "I can give you a full refund." "Yes, that is why the ghost costumes have to be recalled." "Oh, I'm so sorry, sir." "There was a mistake at the factory." "The head of the ghost costume is supposed to be rounded." "I don't know why we had to recall these." "They look fine to me." "Please take that off." "What is defective about this?" "It is still perfectly scary." "In a very different way than we intended." "Todd." "Todd." "I may have a buyer for the ghost costumes." "I'm on the line with a man who claims to be an exalted wizard." "He's willing to order 50 of them." "He just wants to know, "Are they flame retardant?"" "Not in the slightest." "Wait." "Tell him they are and take the order." "Hello, Mr. Wizard?" "You are in luck." "We must have recalled a thousand of those stupid costumes." "My people are exhausted." "You've got to be careful not to burn them out." "The key is to filter in new people all the time." "Hmm." "Kind of like a marriage." "You know, if you want to shuffle up your team," "I'm open to trades." "I will give you..." "Let's see." "Comb-Over and Dumbledore for that quiet chick you got." "You make cards of all your workers?" "I thought of making them wear signs, but that felt degrading." "A guy in my position forced to make signs." "Huh." "You know what?" "Every couple of months, I take my workers out bowling." "It's really good for morale." "That's not a bad idea, you know." "Get out of the office, have a little fun together." "During management training, they took us to Lake of the Ozarks for this team-building retreat." "You know, we swam, we drank." "We got into this Truth or Dare game that ruined two marriages." "My platoon did some team-building back in the Army with this guy, Terry." "We'd hide his clothes, blast music at him all night long, chase him around with a fire hose." "Did that make Terry feel like part of the team?" "No, Terry is short for terrorist." "It's better if you don't know their names." "I'm transferring a call to you." "But I was just taking another..." "Oh, my fiancé is on the other line." "Thank you." "Hey, guys." "I know everyone's been working really hard, so I got a surprise." "We are going on a retreat." "Yes!" "This place is a couple of hours outside Mumbai." "Check it out." "They've got trees and waterfalls and streams." "Will we be forwarding calls?" "To where, Pinky?" "The woods." "No." "No, we're not going to do any work." "That is the beauty of a retreat." "It's a boondoggle." "What is a boondoggle?" "Well, it's like going through the motions of work, but really, you're just having a good time." "It's like fake working." "Here, we call it, "Pulling a Todd."" "So, we're..." "So, we're going to do a few team building exercises to justify the trip." "And then, it's just going to be an entire day of fun." "This river looks so beautiful." "I wish I could bring my laundry." "Oh, yeah." "There's horseback riding." "Oh, yeah." "We're going to ride to the top of this hill where there's an amazing view." "And then, we're going to have a picnic." "I will be in my element." "I come from a long line of horsemen." "I didn't know you rode horses, Gupta." "Oh, no." "I said "horsemen," not "horse riders."" "We braid the tails, clean the hooves, masturbate them for breeding..." "Oh, God." "Okay." "Uh, just to be clear, we're only going to be riding the horses." "I don't want to ruin our picnic." "When they whinny, you know you've done a good job." "Hey!" "Whoa." "Manmeet, look at you." "You've got your fishing pole." "Oh, I'm really looking forward to this, man." "The only time I get to use it is during the monsoons." "Last year, I caught a catfish." "It may have been a cat." "It was quite bloated by the time I pulled it out." "When I was a kid, we used to go on fishing trips to..." "Train!" "My fishing pole!" "You have to fight!" "Coming, guys!" "Coming!" "Excuse me." "Excuse me." "I'll be right there." "Bye!" "Push her!" "She will respect you for it!" "Whoa." "Mid America workers, our fearless leader is too timid to board the train." "Everyone off!" "No!" "No, I don't want to go!" "That was insane!" "Why didn't you warn me?" "Warning, Todd." "This is not the sky train at your Disney town." "This is an Indian train." "Getting on is just the half of it." "There are pickpockets and gropers and gropers-in-training being shown the ropes by more seasoned gropers." "What's that noise?" "Oh, no." "Manmeet, you've got to let that go." "No." "I borrowed this from my father without his permission." "Does anyone have a knife?" "Give me a knife!" "I don't have a knife." "I guess you couldn't catch the train." "Everyone off!" "No!" "Come on." "Todd, this is the last one." "If you don't get on, we're screwed." "All right." "Todd?" "You have to really push this time, okay?" "Follow me, Todd." "I carry a sharp pin." "I get close to people and make a fearsome bird sound." "I don't see how that would..." "Okay, guys, I've got this." "I can do this." "Coming through!" "Coming through!" "Excuse me!" "Coming through!" "Coming through!" "Coming through!" "Coming through!" "Coming through!" "Coming through!" "Excuse me!" "Ha!" "Yes!" "That is how you board a train." "Todd." "My God." "I'm so sorry." "Are you okay?" "I was told people would respect me for pushing." "I do." "We both do." "Hey, Charlie." "Hey." "Oh." "If you're looking for your boyfriend, he's on his retreat." "Right." "That's today." "It's cool." "You don't have to sit with me." "Well, no." "Don't be silly." "We've got to have something in common other than Todd." "What are you and Todd doing this weekend?" "Oh, we'll probably grab some dinner, and then..." "Do some stuff that would be weird to talk to you about." "What about you?" "You got a hot date for the weekend?" "No." "I haven't been on a date since I got to India." "Really?" "I'm on kind of a cold streak." "The last time I got any action was when I spilled ice cream on my pants and a street dog just went at it." "I'm ashamed to tell you I didn't put up much of a fight." "You know, maybe if you watched what you said a little more, you'd have a better chance with the ladies." "You know, you've got a lot going for you, Charlie." "I do?" "Yeah." "You have that deep, sexy voice." "Is that so?" "Welcome to my bedroom." "See, now, that's sexy." "I stole these sheets from a five-star hotel." "Still kind of sexy." "Good luck trying to untie this knot." "You went to creepy." "Really?" "It's such a fine line." "Maybe I could help you find someone." "You know, I could give you a couple of pointers." "Did you just sneak a peek at my chest?" "You said pointers." "We've got a lot of work to do, don't we?" "I did it again." "Oh, I did it again." "I'm not going to..." "No, I did it again." "Okay." "All right." "We may have lost some time." "We might have to skip the hike." "But, yeah, we've still got the horseback ride Oh." "and the picnic." "I can almost smell that fresh air." "Wait." "What did he just say?" "The train broke down." "Oh, it looks like that guy's getting right on it." "Actually, I think he just stole the toolbox." "Huh." "All right." "All right." "Shouldn't they be telling us what's wrong?" "Is it the engine?" "Did we stop because one of the people on the roof fell off?" "Are you crazy?" "Stop the entire train because a freeloader lost his grip on a curve?" "Wait." "There aren't any straps up there or anything?" "Yes." "They have straps and a waiter and popcorn." "Okay." "Yeah." "And on Wednesdays, they have a continuing education class on French cooking." "May I see a brochure, please?" "Yes, you can." "See, I'm glad you guys aren't losing your enthusiasm." "Thank you." "You know what?" "If we got some of these exercises out of the way now, we'd have more free time." "Uh..." "Okay, guys." "Stand up." "Stand up." "Trust Falls might be in poor taste in light of the roof passengers." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Human Knot." "All right, everybody circle up." "Circle up, circle up, circle up." "Okay." "Now, reach into the center and grab someone else's hand." "Now, take your other hand and grab another person's hand." "Now, we have to work together as a team to untangle ourselves without letting go." "Ready?" "Watch your face." "Oh, my hair!" "TODD:" "Slowly, guys." "We don't want to hurt anybody." "Okay." "Carefully, guys." "Carefully." "I've got to be honest." "I don't like any of them." "If you want to attract a woman, you need a proper haircut." "Pick a style." "All right." "Number 10." "Okay." "Let's work on your approach." "When you meet a woman you want to go out with, what do you say?" "I think you're very attractive." "Nice start." "How about I buy you a purse and we go do it?" "I respect your honesty, but that's too honest." "How can I put this in terms that you will understand?" "Dating is like hunting." "I'm listening." "Well, you wouldn't just charge into the woods, blasting your gun everywhere, would you?" "No, the deer would run away." "Exactly." "It takes patience." "And deer urine." "I cover myself with deer urine to put them at ease." "Okay." "Well, dinner and a movie is the deer urine of dating." "You just blew my mind." "Oh, my leg is falling asleep." "I have to sneeze." " No." "Can't we just let go, Todd?" "No." "Trust me." "If we do this as a team, we're going to feel a real sense of accomplishment." "Uh, Rajiv, go under Madhuri's arm." "Okay?" "Never." "I am management." "She goes under me." "But if you don't go under her, we won't be able to untangle ourselves." "Then, we shall remain this way until the end of time." "Oh, I really have to sneeze." " No!" "Come on, guys." "Hang in there." "Hang in there." "Oh!" "Manmeet!" "Disgusting!" "Oh, did I offend you, horse-hands?" "This is ridiculous." "Oh, oh." "Come on." "Who let go?" "Asha, of course." "What do you mean, "Of course"?" "Madhuri, is there something you want to talk about?" "No." "Guys, I'm sensing some tension here." "What's going on?" "Talk to me." "Sir, I don't think this is..." "No, not now." "Not now." "Let's just get it all out there." "Anything on your mind." "Out with it." "You bring fish curry from home, then forget it in the fridge and it stinks up the whole office." "Maybe Madhuri should put up one of her signs about it." ""Your mother doesn't work here." "Pick up after yourself."" ""Stop taking down my signs."" "At least I don't talk loudly when I make a sale so everybody can hear it." ""What, what, what?" "I am Gupta." "I made a sale."" "At least I make sales." "Yeah." "Sometimes, you even take other people's sales when they put customers on hold." "Oh, you mean when you put customers on hold, like when you have to talk to your girlfriends?" ""Dude, Debbie, man." "I love you, man."" "Okay." "Let's not get personal." "All right?" "Ajeet?" "You take my magazines to the bathroom." "And you chew on all the pens." "You masturbate horses." "And they're the happiest horses in all of India!" "Guys, this is getting out of hand." "Let's just focus on work issues." "Yeah, come on." "Let's not be petty." "How's this for not petty?" "Ever since you got engaged, you think you're more important than all of us." "That's right." "What?" "Any time your fiancé calls, you dump your work on someone else." "Yeah." "And you're always late, so we have to cover for you." "Why don't we mix it up with a positive comment?" "I'm positive you take longer breaks so we have to cover for you." "He's right." "Who do you think you are, Asha?" "We do all your work." "I do not have to stand here and take this." "Stand someplace else." " Wait." "I'm on the train tracks." " Asha." "Well done, sir." "Now, let's do Pinky." "Maybe you can get her to jump out of the window." "Go." "Yeah." "They were pretty harsh on Asha." "I'm going to go check up on her." "Sir, you cannot go in there." "Papa?" "Huh?" "Todd, you shouldn't be in here." "I need to talk to you." "No." "You don't understand." "Look, you know, they have a good point." "You can't just be throwing all your work on the others just because you've been distracted by the whole wedding thing." "Look, I know everyone is upset with me." "But they have no idea what it's like to plan a wedding." "You know what?" "I get it." "I had to organize my buddy's bachelor party." "It was a nightmare." "I mean, I waited till the last minute." "And the only stripper they had available was this little person." "It was pretty cool, though." "She jumped out of a cupcake." "No, she didn't jump out of a cupcake." "She wasn't that little." "God, I'm under a lot of pressure, but I didn't mean to take advantage of anyone." "I feel really bad about this." "Well, you might want to tell them that." "Whoa." "Hey." "What did I do?" "Hey!" "How dare they kick you out of the ladies' compartment." "I thought they would have seen your soft, feminine hands and given you a pass." "Well, I handled the Asha situation." "I want to go talk to the rest of the workers and resolve things." "If I may, sir..." "Oh, I know." "They're beneath us." "Their opinions don't matter." "Rule through fear." "As painful as it is to admit, I have learned a thing or two from you." "Have you ever considered the possibility that you might learn something from me?" "All right, Rajiv, I'm listening." "In India, we are not a culture that dissects every passing feeling." "We accommodate." "We move on." "I don't think anyone is going to move on from this." "In my experience, nothing brings workers together faster than sharing a common enemy." "Perhaps a boss." "Permit me a touch?" "Okay." "If they're angry with you, they will forget about their petty squabbles." "Ah." "You know, Rajiv, you may not want to show it, but when it comes down to it, you're a good guy." "I like to think so." "We're moving." "This is our best chance to see stowaways tumbling off the roof." "Whoa!" "I think I got it." "Charlie." "I think I've found a girl for you." "Well." "I guess I could have a couple of beers and roll the dice." "No, no, no." "I'm talking about her." "Her?" "Wow." "Charlie, I've prepared you." "You can do this." "Hunter mode." "Tell me about the prey." "Her name is Veena." "I've met her a few times." "She's friendly, single and approachable." "All right." "Lock and load." "Good luck, mate." "Happy hunting." "Hi." "I'm Charlie." "I couldn't help noticing you." "And I'm sure you noticed me." "I'm, like, the only slice of white bread in this pumpernickel world." "Excuse me?" "I was thinking, if you're free tomorrow night..." "Sorry." "You're not my type." "Oh, wait, wait, wait." "Hang on." "You didn't even give him a chance." "I mean, I know he's a little gruff on the outside, but he's decent and sweet and you'd be lucky to go out with him." "I'm not interested in Charlie." "I'm interested in you." "Oh." "Oh." "I have been for a long time." "I've just been trying to figure out how to ask you out." "Sorry, Veena." "I'm actually seeing someone." "Whoa, wait." "You didn't even give her a chance." "She may seem gruff on the outside..." "Charlie?" "Not going to happen." "Come on." "It's like wrestling, but with two winners." "Well, if you change your mind..." "She doesn't like it when you look at her pointers." "I'm sorry." "I kind of led you into an ambush." "Are you kidding?" "You said nice things about me." "I got to see hot girl-on-girl flirting." "Best day I've had in a long time." "Really?" "You're not discouraged?" "Hell, no." "You've got my confidence sky high." "I'm in the game now." "Hi." "I'm Charlie." "I couldn't help noticing you." "Not going to happen." "Hi." "I'm Charlie." "I couldn't help..." "I don't think so." "Hi." "I'm Charlie." "I couldn't help noticing you." "Would you like to go out sometime?" "Probably not." "Hot damn." "Getting closer." "Hi." "I'm..." "Oh, that's a dude." "Okay." "All right." "Listen up, guys." "I know you're probably burnt out on all these exercises, but I've got one more." "No, no, no." "You're going to like it." "It's a trust-building exercise." "I'm going to need everybody to give me their wallets." "No, you've got to trust me." "Put them in." "Put them in." "Drop them." "Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick." "Okay." "Nice." "Okay." "All right." "What we're going to do..." "We're going to get off here." "I'm going to pay for dinner." "All right?" "Hey, what's the exercise?" "I'll tell you when we get off on the platform." "Go, go, go." "Quick." "Come on, guys." "Dinner." "Dinner awaits." "Go." "Go, go, go, go, go, go, go." "Sir, we have to get off." "No, no, no." "Wait, wait, wait." "Okay, guys." "This is your last exercise." "You have to get home with no money and work together as a team." "I'll pay for dinner tomorrow night." "Todd." "Well, Rajiv, looks like they found themselves a common enemy." "A stroke of genius, sir." "You have stranded them in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the city." "Luckily, you have also taken their wallets, so the only thing they can pay with is their lives." "Is the neighborhood really that bad?" "I will speak of it at the memorial service." "Wait." "Where's my backpack?" "Oh, crap." "The wallets." "The wallets!" "I am going to kill Todd when I get home." "If anyone needs to leave work early tomorrow, I can cover for you." "Thank you." "You know, I think there's less chance of anyone falling if we hold onto each other." "Good idea." "Hold, hold, hold, hold." "You know, if you think about it, we are using what we learned today." "We're working together as a team to get through this." "Shut up." "Shut up."