"¶ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ¶" "¶ On the other side. ¶" "¶ Well, I paid a visit ¶" "¶ While it's possible I missed it ¶" "¶ It seemed different yet exactly the same ¶" "¶ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ¶" "¶ Till further notice ¶" "¶ Till further notice ¶" "¶ I'm in between ¶" "¶ I'm in between ¶" "¶ From where I'm standing ¶" "¶ From where I'm standing ¶" "¶ My grass is green. ¶" "¶ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ¶" "¶ On the other side. ¶" "Captioningsponsoredby THE U.S.DEPARTMENTOF EDUCATION andNICKELODEON" "CHET:" "Okay, and now what you've all been waiting for:" "the birthday announcements." "Oh, my gosh, this is it!" "I feel like I'm going to pass out!" "Okay, Macie." "It's your big moment." "I'm completely fine if he skips it." "Hearing my name out loud in public ranks right up there with cheese bloat." ""Leon Hudjawanna, April 3."" "The big 1-2-- way to go Hudji." "Uh, "Gustavo Enriquez, April 9," also the big 1-2." ""Macie Lightfoot, April 22."" "Wave, Macie, wave!" "CHET:" "Uh, and Mipsy Mipson, also April 22." "( cheering and applause )" "Both the big 1-3." "( applause )" "( clears throat ):" "Well, that's it for me." "You've all been a great auditorium." "See ya." "Mipsy, it's the big 1-3, as in 13." "Only the most important birthday in a girl's life." "Don't worry, I plan on throwing the biggest bash this town's ever seen." "I'm thinking karaoke machine, dry ice, hand-rolled sushi..." "Is it possible to have your birthday legally changed?" "Don't let them scare you, Mace, your party is going to be great." "So who are you inviting?" "What will be on the menu?" "What about renting a bowling alley?" "Truth of it is, girls," "I've got this feeling my parents are planning a party." "They've been really secretive lately." "And whenever I come into the room...( chuckles ) they stop talking." "Don't they always do that?" "But it's the way they're doing it." "Oh, Ginger." "I've been made chairwoman of Mipsy's guest committee so you can expect an invite." "Sorry, Courtney, don't think I'll be able to make it." "Macie's birthday is the same day, so I have other plans." "Well, we gave it a shot." "Let's go." "I'll send you one anyway." "They're thinking of flying in a sushi chef from Osaka." "Hope I don't burst any bubbles, girls, but there'll be no raw fish at my party-- no parasites either." "( all three laugh )" "There it is, Hoods, the naked mole rat-- a mammal that lives like an insect." "And to think we were going to be the first to live underground." "BLAKE:" "Gents!" "I see even the prospect of the hideous, razor-toothed, naked mole rat has you boys quite on edge." "Hah, yeah, right, like I'm scared." "Right." "What he says." "( laughing )" "Just keep telling yourselves that." "A TV monitor is one thing, but reality is quite another." "See you inside, chaps." ""Chaps," "gents."" "It really gets on my nerves when he's not consistent." "And we keep them in here when we do the blood tests." "Now let's see if I can grab hold of Gwendolyn." "( students voicing disgust )" "CARL:" "Ah, seen worse." "Would anyone like to hold her?" "( students murmuring fearfully )" "CARL:" "Oh, over here!" "( rubber gloves squeaking )" "Hey, I think she's got hair in her mouth." "( all yelling, moleratsqueaking)" "Look, Carl, she's burrowing!" "( mole rat squeaking )" "( shrieking and shouting )" "Get her out, get her out, get her out, get her out, get her out!" "( mole rat squeaking, studentsshrieking)" "Gwennie, come back!" "Ha-ha!" "So even Carl Foutley has his weaknesses." "I suspected as much." "Carl?" "( cackling )" "I can't believe you fell for it!" "You should've seen the look on your face." "Well, it was a rather convincing act." "It's called "The method," Blake." "Yeah, you see it in all the really topnotch movies." "( mole rat yawns and squeaks )" "Oh, Mipsy's invite." "( door opens )" "Thanks, kiddo." "Hey, Mom." "GINGER:" "Macie's birthday is on Sunday and I haven't gotten an invitation to the party her parents are planning." "Oh, right." "Macie's the first of the trio to turn 13." "Yeah, and on the same day as Mipsy Mipson." "And I heard her parents have hired a skywriter to write" ""Happy Birthday, Mipsy." "Love, Mom and Dad" during her party." "Well, I can't confirm the Lightfoots are going to do that, but I did see Bobbie Lightfoot at the supermarket piling up on the chips and sodas." "For Macie's party?" "Sure looked that way." "She was so busy, she couldn't even stop to chat." "Anyway, you'll probably be getting an invite call at the last minute." "Oh, that's a relief." "Hey, I should bake a cake." "I mean, since it sounds like everything's going to be store bought." "And aren't you lucky:" "I just picked up some soy flour." "BLAKE:" "I can't help but notice that you haven't been yourself ever since the naked mole rat incident." "Cripes, Blake, it was a gag!" "As in, "You make Carl want to."" "Yeah, right." "Good one, Hoods." "Forgive me the insight, Foutley, but your tone, it's a little... oh, I don't know..." "sans brio." "You wouldn't by any chance be perpetrating a lie, would you?" "Blake, take a long stroll off a short diving board, why don't you?" "Hmph!" "You've got to admit, Carl, your whole "Eek!" "A mouse!" thing was pretty inspired." "Uh, Hoods, uh, could I tell you something?" "No." "You're my best friend." "I don't want to hear it!" "If I can't tell you, who can I tell?" "All right." "But try to lay it on me gently so I don't totally lose it." "The... the thing of it is..." "I was scared." "Whoa!" "Not possible!" "Nooo!" "( dance music playing )" "MIRANDA:" "¶ Who's the girl in the pink Capri?" "¶" "¶ It's Courtney, it's Courtney!" "¶" "¶ Who's the girl who loves to ski?" "¶" "¶ It's Courtney, it's Courtney!" "¶" "MIRANDA:" "¶ Who throws the best parties?" "¶" "COURTNEY:" "¶ It's Courtney, it's Courtney!" "¶" "¶ Who's the girl, we all agree?" "¶" "¶ It's Courtney, it's Courtney!" "¶" "Whoo!" "Ow." "( giggling )" "( all cheering )" "Oh, yeah!" "Again!" "Ooh... wow." "( all exclaiming )" "Who's "Mac?"" "I ran out of room for "Macie."" "Oh." "I can't believe it." "Still no invite and we're halfway through Macie's birthday." "( plane passing overhead )" "Wow." "DODIE:" "And you know he won't run out of room." "( telephone ringing )" "Hello?" "MACIE:" "Hello , Ginger." "Macie!" "So is the party starting?" "MACIE:" "Not exactly." "My parents kind of forgot my birthday." "But what parent could possibly forget their own child's birthday?" "( voice cracking ):" "Turns out, mine." "Really, it's no big deal." "After all, 13 is just a fancy way of saying "12 and 12 months."" "Macie, you're being too forgiving." "You have to confront your parents." "Wouldn't want to pester." "You're their daughter." "You can't let them treat you like this." "You're right." "You're right as rain as the rain when it's rainless is right." "I'm going to confront them!" "HOODSEY:" "Look, Carl, I've had some time to think about your whole terrible-fear of-naked-mole-rats-thing and frankly, I just can't understand it." "CARL:" "Did you see the way she looked at me, Hoods?" "It's like..." "she smelled my fear, and planned to one day use it against me!" "Look, I know the whole thing was pretty skeevy, but don't you think you're overreacting?" "There's a mole rat on the run, Hoods." "I mean, Gwendolyn could be burrowing anywhere." "maybe even into the sewer system!" "Which happens to be connected to the toilets, need I remind you." "But... that would mean..." "Gwendolyn could, like, leap out at me when I'm..." "Oh, no!" "Welcome to my nightmare, Hoods." "Bobby and Bobbie Lightfoot, Ph.Ds." "( biting nails noisily )" "Well, good luck, Macie, I'll see you downstairs." "GINGER:" "Dodie, we're here to be supportive of Macie." "We're not leaving." "Right, sorry." "Is it okay if I wait downstairs?" "Macie, just go ask that nice, pointy woman if you can please speak to your parents." "MACIE:" "Pardon?" "Beg pardon?" "Ohh!" "Mental Health Now has this great recipe for "self-esteemed" vegetables." "Interested?" "Good news!" "The doctors will see me!" "Great!" "When?" "Ten weeks from tomorrow." "What?" "You had to schedule an appointment to see your own parents?" "GINGER:" "That's it!" "Young lady, you can't..." "It's against the rules, dear!" "They're in a session!" "( woman sobbing )" "GINGER:" "Excuse me." "There's something you two need to know." "Oh, our "Problem Child in Need of Attention" workshop doesn't start until next week." "Great, but that's not why I'm here." "Aren't you Ginger?" "Lois's girl?" "Um... yeah." "Bobby, I think we should let Ginger tell us what we "need to know."" "Fantastic instinct." "You're in a safe environment here, Ginger." "Would it help to hold Huggy bear?" "( bear squeaks )" "Um... maybe." "See, the thing of it is, you forgot a very important birthday which I'm sure you didn't mean to, but..." "Good, that's good." "Darn good-- real good." "Now, let's try it again, but this time, confront your mom directly." "Call her by her..." "My mom?" "No, my mom didn't forget my birthday." "It's you guys." "You forgot Macie's birthday." "It's kind of a big deal." "( chuckles )" "But Macie was born on April 22, and today's only... ( device beeps )" "April 23!" "How could we?" "We're horrible!" "Hideous!" "I'm hugging the bear." "I haven't a care." "Bobby, what other things do you suppose we've missed?" "MACIE:" "I could fill you in." "I have an appointment in July." "We're so sorry, dear." "We'll make everything up to you, we swear." "We'll be the best parents you've ever had." "Well, you're my only parents actually but I get your meaning." "BOBBY:" "Up and at 'em, sleepyhead." "Princess Peek-a-boo says it's a beautiful day out there." "Morning, sweetheart." "We watched you while you were sleeping." "We didn't want to miss a thing." "PARENTS:" "Ta-dah!" "( Bobby chuckles )" "Ready for blastoff, pumpkin?" "Three, two, one..." "Blastoff!" "Wave, honey, wave." "Whee!" "( laughing )" "( camera flash going off )" "MACIE:" "And standing right in front of me was a Rocket-Tyke swing set and my first jungle gym." "Uh, aren't those things kind of... babyish?" "I'm not sure that they know it was my 13th birthday they missed." "Come to think of it, numbers were never discussed." "But you can't beat the attention." "( chuckles )" "( horn honking )" "That's my mom!" "Wow, when have you ever heard me say that?" "( laughs )" "We're going shopping for mother-daughter dresses." "See you girls tonight." "Mother-daughter dresses?" "Her parents are treating her like she's four, not 13." "COURTNEY:" "All birthday parties will now pale in comparison to Mipsy's." "This is a crucial moment in a young girl's life." "Macie needs a 13th birthday party-- a real one." "I mean, if her parents keep treating her like a kid, she's liable to get left behind." "But are you sure you should get involved anymore?" "I mean, Macie seems happy." "She only thinks she is." "I'm going to bring up the subject tonight at dinner." "CARL:" "A little bit there, and there, and over here." "We can't afford to miss a spot, Hoods." "That mole rat zipped under a crack in a door to escape, so why not zip under here?" "I'm with you, Carl." "( staple gun snapping )" "There, that should do it." "So what do we do now?" "Never leave, I guess." "I figure we can arrange to have all our meals brought in." "Good idea." "But I suppose eventually we're going to have to go school and take a bath and, you know, marry." "What are we doing?" "!" "This is madness!" "We're allowing ourselves to be ruled by a rodent." "Carl, we're talking about a rodent with no ears, tiny eyes, and hair in its mouth." "Hoods, this fear thing could snowball." "First it's mole rats, and before you know it, it's shoe trees." "That's totally irrational!" "My point exactly." "You know what we have to do, don't you?" "Don't go there, Carl." "Don't even go there." "We've got to find Gwendolyn." "HOODSEY ( wailing ):" "Oh, Carl, you went there!" "( children shouting happily )" "I'm proud of you, I'm loving you and I'm supporting you." "And... time!" "( timer dings )" "My turn." "Mmm, mmm." "Who says candy corn is just for Halloween, huh?" "I do." "So I assume we'll all be going to someone's birthday party in the near future?" "Better late than..." "you know, never." "It was going to be a surprise, but..." "We've rented out the Tiny Tot Petting Zoo." "Yippee!" "Refills on Dribbly Drinks?" "Let's see those hands." "Up high." "Where are they?" "Macie, you have got to be honest with your parents." "About what?" "About how they should throw the right kind of party." "Ginger, I've really appreciated everything you've done, but you've already butted in once." "No need to do it again." "GINGER:" "Butt in?" "I'm doing you a favor." "One friend's favor is another friend's folly." "They're treating you like you're four years old." "You're 13, Macie!" "You should have a real party." "( exhales angrily )" "How my parents treat me is none of your B.I. business." "The Tiny Tot Petting Zoo party is on." "Whether or not you get an invitation is another matter entirely." "Uh, I don't think she really meant that." "Here you go." "Macie's 13th." "Hope you can make it." ""Macie is having a brr-thday party says Mr. Polar Bear?"" "She's going to humiliate herself." "So are you going to come?" "I think she wants to make up." "Oh, I'll be there." "GINGER:" "She's just too afraid to rock the boat." "She's grateful for any attention at this point." "Well, is that what she said?" "Well, no, not exactly." "What did she say, exactly?" "She told me to butt out." "But I'm sure it's all about wanting to please her parents." "Did you ever think maybe you're the only one feeling that way?" "I'm just trying to protect her." "It's too late to do anything about the party, but I can try to do some damage control while I'm there." "CARL:" ""Entrapment device."" "Check." ""Head gear."" "Check." ""Duct tape."" "Check." "What do we need duct tape for anyway?" "To silence the sound of our terrified screams." "Gripling would have a field day with that one." "Well, looks like we're a go, Hoods." "We set out for the zoo at first light." "I'll sure be glad when this is over." "Since this whole mole-rat-burrowing-its-way- through-the-sewer-system-thing," "I've kind of been too scared to sit on the toilet." "You mean...?" "It's only been number one, Carl!" "Eww!" "My deepest sympathies." "( children yelling playfully )" "( goat bleating )" "( derisively ):" "Oh, it looks like a four-year-old threw up decorations everywhere." "I think it's, uh... quaint." "Glad you could make it." "Just leave the gifts on the table, please." "Huh!" "A plastic crown?" "Isn't this great?" "I bet it's pretty different from Mipsy's party, huh?" "( chortles )" "Yeah." "Oh, look, a baby deer!" "Come on, Miranda, let's go pet it." "Must we?" "Hello?" "Miss Grump!" "Enjoy!" "( laughs nervously )" "BOBBIE:" "Macie!" "Prezzie time!" "Look!" "Well, she's definitely been here." "And if I'm any judge, not that long ago." "I'm glad someone's going." "By my professional observations, our subject has headed... east towards the petting zoo!" "We'd better hurry!" "Ooh!" "( gasps )" "Oh, I've always wanted one!" "Thanks, Serena!" "Miranda-- this party is downright... campy!" "( laughs scornfully )" "Who would've thought Little Miss Adenoids would come up with something so totally retro... it's actually cutting-edge!" "How am I going to top this when I turn 13?" "There, there." "Let's go make nice to those innocent little baby ducks again." "That should take your mind off yourself." "Will not." "Can you believe it?" "It's a total hit." "I know, I know." "It's so retro it's cutting-edge." "( Courtney screaming )" "( all gasp )" "A hairless, saber-toothed rat ran into the barn!" "She tried to make nice to it." "Well, I thought it was a bunny." "Let me take care of this, toots." "I've got my peace to make." "Who was that masked man?" "( gulps )" "( both gasp in surprise )" "Carl!" "What are you doing?" "It can eat through sewer pipe!" "Can't you see?" "She's more scared than we are." "HOODSEY:" "Aw, she's cute, Carl." "You know, you just shouldn't judge a naked mole rat by her cover." "Come on, Hoods, let's get her back home." "Meet you there." "( children cheering )" "Oh, Macie, I owe you, like, the world's biggest apology." "This whole birthday thing was your business and I should have stayed out." "I know it isn't theme-appropriate, but..." ""I'm A Teenager, That's My Problem."" "Oh, Ginger, I love it!" "Tonight I'm going to sit my parents down and show them this T-shirt, explain to them that I'm a teenager now." "It's been a real hoot reliving childhood and everything, but for next year's party..." "I'm thinking bowling alley." "( giggles )" "Mipsy, eat your heart out." "Captioningsponsoredby THE U.S.DEPARTMENTOF EDUCATION andNICKELODEON" "Captioned by MediaAccessGroupatWGBH  access.wgbh.org" "BOBBY:" "Three, two, one, blastoff!"