"What are you doing in here?" "Prepping." "For the Straightening." "These are my less gay wardrobe options, but..." "I just seem to keep splooging gay all over them." "Regular T's?" "On me?" "Cock-tease." "These overalls make me look like a hooker Huck Finn." "Honestly, I'm in kind of a bit of brainspin about what to say for this interview." "I've spent so many years branding myself as someone who embraces stereotypes because disregarding society in favor of one's authenticity is a very important step toward self love and personal empowerment." "So..." "I'm just nervy I might slip and say something like that, is all." "We can sort that out later." "Come to bed?" "Before we go to sleep?" "Need to..." " put it in?" " Yeah..." "Thanks for the reminder." "Keeps my teeth nice and straight acting." "So tight." "Maybe there's something else we can do before we go to sleep." "Huh?" "You know, relieve a little tension?" "Want to make you feel good." "Well, if you insist." "Be sure to include my calves, too. 'Cause they are super tenderoni." "All right." "What is this?" "Me." "Less gay." "The least gay." "What?" "I want to give you what you want." "So from now on, I promise..." "I won't shove anything... down anyone's... throat." "G'night!" "So, they're gonna film us cooking and living and... maybe some light gardening, I dunno." "Oh." " Realness." " Exactly." "Which is why it has to be staged." "Apparently, America's afraid of "sexy gays"." "So the plan is..." "I arouse mental images of me and Brady drizzled in sauce." "Then, baseball innuendo." "Squeeze play, switch hitter... base on balls." "So you gonna sabotage the interview, plus the no-sex-as-revenge thing?" "Well, that was Brady's idea." "He said "less gay" and..." "I find literalism to be a very effective point prover." " Hey, Cheeks." " Well, hi Mark!" "Long time no see I like that shirt." "Brady." "Shoes." "So, who's the booty with the cutie on top?" "Oh, that's Mark." "He plays you to Brady's me." "Which means they're gonna talk about how he's right and I'm wrong!" "Oh, for sure." "But we know the truth." "So... go ahead and acknowledge that now, "yes, Cheeks, we know the truth."" " Star Spangled Hammer?" " Is it reading as ironic?" "See?" "I knew you'd be the perfect consultant for this..." "All American... ness." "Just hope there isn't a Cheeks ambush." "He wants to sex this interview up, which would be a disaster" "What?" " I just want to keep playing baseball!" " Same here." "But it doesn't stop me from kissing my wife in public." "Hell, before I was married I was photographed licking my way across a Deschanel's face to get to the Fanning behind her." "No one mentioned morality to me." "I'm not asking him to give up baseball." "I just... you know, "it gets better" when people go out there and make better happen." "You know, there's more than one way to make better happen." "Like the epic poem... of the Trojan condom." "Refresh?" "You know." "Greek sailors with defective condoms impregnated all of Troy." "Moral being, real change happens when it comes from the inside." "Like a chest-burster." "I have a very small window to live my dream." "I mean, people will eventually accept gay canoodling." " We don't need this minute." " Oh, yeah." "He can wait." "And keep his mouth shut." "At the back of the bus." "Really?" "We're taking the bus now?" "Look, change doesn't happen until an outsider comes in and... shakes things up." "Someone opens their mouth." "Like Cheeks, slippin' you some public tongue." "Some Rosa Parks tongue." "So you think by being overtly confrontational..." "I might prevent the very change I'm working toward." "But, as a dynamic duo," "Brady and I can work within the system... to open doors." "Sorry." "Can't hear you." "Crunchies." "I get it." "This interview is my chance to shake America up." "To take a stand, and I will!" "I will take the stand and testify!" "That's it!" "Preach that sexy gay love!" "Yeah!" "We shall overcome!" "See now that's too far, dude." "I'm not gonna sabotage the interview," "I'll espionage it." "I'll be an acceptable, established, mainstream rebel" " from within." " Yes!" "And you can seduce America with it's own squareness." "I will." "And just like Greek sperm, nothing's gonna stop me." "Okay." "When I said Channing, I meant Tatum." "Not Carol." "More contouring." "This needs to be looser." "My sexiness is still discernible." "Any looser and you could sublet." "Okay, we're ready for you." "And you can watch from upstairs." " You good?" " Oh, I am." "Good." "Me too." " Me too." " Me too." " Me too." " Good." "Well, I'm good too." "All right." "We're all set." "Just take your seat." " Me too." " Me too." " Me too." " Me too." "Well, I'm better." "Me too." "This is gonna be fun." "That's what all the boys say." "And remember, fellas." "Controversy had a baby and called it ratings." "So go for it." "Mahalo!" "I'm Vic Del Rey and welcome to Hi, America Live!" "What do you think, Jack?" "Comedic climax or Hollywood disastacle?" "Get ready to pay up, Jess." "My boy Kelly's goin' for it." "Not a chance." "He'll choke and play it straight." "Always does." "A gorgeous Hollywood hills estate." "New home, newlyweds." "Brady?" "Cheeks?" "Vic Del Rey." "Honored." "Feeling's mutual, Vic." "Welcome to our... damn good home!" "Whoa!" "Surf's gnar gnar, huh, Bro?" "And what a deck, am I right?" "Yes." "We enjoy the deck for... smart conversation with John Hodgman." "Oh, I believe we have some home movie footage of that." "This is us." "That's us, right?" "You see what I'm saying." "Gimme the joint." "A good man." "So, before we go on." "Cheeks, I'm afraid I have to ask..." "About the name." "Have you seen his ass?" "A... common misconception." "Cheeks is short for Cheekstonson." "Which... of course is Danish." "Cuz he's a tasty little pastry with yummy creamy filling." "Oh ho!" "What's gotten into you?" "Must be what you put into me this morning." "Your daddy's a top!" "Costing me the bank, Kelly!" "Now bust the tongue." "Bust the tongue!" "You know, Vic?" "Why don't we go... upstairs and we can... cook some dinner, mm?" "That sounds good?" "I'd follow you guys anywhere." "Disastacle."