"The summer my father was depressed  the face of our Lord Jesus Christ appeared on a tortilla  at the Taos Junction Cafe." "It hung on a nail by the door, and pilgrims came to bear witness." "Maria, who saw the face emerge and fainted dead away  wanted to shellac it to preserve it for all eternity." "It was a wish of vanity  for she'd hoped only to extend her newfound notoriety." "But time had its way, and within the year the face was gone  though something of its anguish lingered." "From the start, my father said it resembled not Christ but the devil." "But then later, Pinky Lee." "My mother, a hell-raiser and a cynic, never even went and looked." "Take as long as you like, sweetheart." "Bo's idea of heaven, a stroll through Kmart." ""In the process, they compiled a long list of economic woes:" "Unemployment, sagging productivity, high interest rates shrinking capital and downright economic stagnation."" "It was inescapable  my father's depression." "Like some fumigator's mist filling our lungs." "It came to be the focal point of our lives that summer." "The geological formation around which everything was defined." "Hey." "There's a hummingbird nest by the woodshed, three eggs." "George, my father's best friend and never any too swift  was undone by it." "Sit down, George." "I guess I'll be going." "You said that 20 minutes ago." "What are you tying?" "I'm still tying the same yellow saddle, George." "And if you ask me one more time, I'm liable to get vexed." "Well so long, Charley." "Bo." "Hallelujah." "There she is." " Hey." " Hey." "Look what I found in the dump." "Isn't it a beauty?" "So, what have you two been up to, planning a holdup?" "George was here." " Oh, yeah?" "How's George?" " The same." "Well, that's the beauty of George, always reliably himself." "Pardon me for saying it, but I think George is a little light in the loafers." " What's that mean?" " It means he's queer." "Have you been outside at all today?" "Here, you got a package from Lance's and a brochure from an ocean liner." "You planning on taking a cruise?" "A catalog and a letter from MasterCharge." "At last." " What is it?" " It's an application for a card." "What are you gonna do with your MasterCharge card?" "Buy a real house." "With a lawn and an in-built sprinkler system buy a one-way ticket out of this hellhole." "Where would you go?" "Somewhere normal, where I can be a Girl Scout." "You can be a Girl Scout here, I'll take you." "I can't be a Girl Scout." "We can't afford a uniform." " I'll buy you a used uniform." " I don't wanna be a used Girl Scout." "Quit whining." "You got another card from your sister, Charley." "I'll read it to him." "It's another get-well card." "What do you wanna bet?" "I'll bet it is." "I'll bet." "Yep, it is. "Best wishes and a speedy recovery."" "All of Greta's cards have hot-air balloons on them." "That's Greta's idea of cheerful and uplifting a multicolored hot-air balloon." " We're getting audited." " What does that mean?" "Someone from the IRS is coming to review our tax forms." " That's quite amusing." " Why is that amusing?" "Well, considering our annual income is less than $5000 a year, it is." "I think if we had a television, you wouldn't think it was so amusing." "If we didn't live off the map." "If we had a phone and plumbing like normal Americans you'd think it was pretty pathetic." " Go weed the garden." " You're woefully behind." " What if the bear is out there?" "If the bear is out there, come back and tell me, and I'll shoot him." "Well, what if he gets to me first and I can't come back to tell you?" "No bear in his right mind would tangle with you." "When my MasterCharge card comes..." " Yes?" " I'm out of here." "I saw Rifkin at the PO." "He asked after you." "He's got some pigs he wants to trade us for wood." "I got these out for you again." "Charley, do you think you could put the other muffler on?" "The old one is rusted." "I can't unbolt it." "If you feel like it." "Bless you, and thank you for nourishing us." "Relax your hand." " Right there?" " Yeah." "That's all right, Bo." "No, do it." "Deep breath, squeeze at the bottom." " Okay." " Squeeze real easy." "Bo." "Don't bother Charley, sweetheart." "Come on." ""And the dog ran to his friend..." "Friend."" " Friend." " Friend." " "And liked..."" " Licked." ""And licked his hand." " And..."" " You can tell me." "No." "Did you murder somebody?" ""The man..."" "Did you, Romero, kill somebody?" "Tell me." "It'll feel good to get it off your chest." "Would you like a Chick-O-Stick?" "It's free." "You stole it?" "I wrote them a letter, told them there was insect larva in the last one I bought." "They sent me a whole box." "They don't want you to sue them." "You have to word it properly." "Pretty good." "Romero, have you ever been depressed?" "Depressed right now." "Shit, I'm in for life." "Don't feel bad." "My dad's depressed, and he doesn't even know why." "It's actually kind of rude." "How's work, George?" "It's good." "How's that guy who got shot behind the Taco Taco?" "Good old Johnson." " He's working." " He's climbing the poles without an arm?" "Well, he sits in a truck, just like he always did." "You could do that, Dad." "You could sit in the truck." "Bo, pass the potatoes." "Maybe you should consider getting a job, Dad." "You might like it." "What?" "I'm sorry." "Sometimes you need drugs to get out of it." "I could try to get him some drugs." "From the VA hospital down in Albuquerque." "Think it's worth me driving down there, George?" "Most likely they'd want a prescription." "And Charley would never talk to a psychiatrist." "I'm gonna need some drugs myself pretty soon." "Here." "I got him some watercolors." "That's a good idea." "Did you give them to him?" " No." " Want me to?" "Tell him they're from you." "Yeah." "Don't tell him they're from me." "Would you take Bo fishing this week?" "She's mad at the world." "Do you have any paper for him to watercolor on?" "We've got wallpaper from the dump he can fool around on the back of." "George, would you mind going to a psychiatrist?" "To get a prescription for some drugs." "What a face." "What all you've done for that man." "Carried him near dead off a mountain, pulled him from under a jeep in Korea." "You can't lie on someone's couch and tell him how much you hate your mother?" "I love my mother." "Tell them you love your mother so much it's got you all depressed and you need some drugs." "Dear PR personnel." "Dear..." "Dear Customer Service." "Dear Public Relations people." "Thank you very much for the case of lemon-cream-filled cupcakes." "As you know, it was quite a..." "I was quite a..." "I was very upset." "I was very dismayed." "I was quite dismayed to find some mold in the package which I purchased at our local supermarket." "Unfortunately, in the complimentary samples that you sent..." ""One cupcake contained what I can only describe as a rodent part." "Internal organ or foot, I am not sure." "I wonder if you could send me some more and I will not mention this problem to my many, many friends." "Your concerned customer, Bo Groden."" "How was the psychiatrist?" "Hey, Bo, you're scaring the fish." "George." " Yeah." " How many numbers and how many letters are there in a bank-account number?" " I don't know." " You have a bank account, don't you?" "Do you have a check you could look at?" "Maybe in your wallet." ""GH62415380."" "GH62415380." "And, say, in a person's Social Security number are there all numbers, or are there letters mixed in there?" "What, for instance, is your Social Security number?" " I don't know." " It's on your license." "Here, give it to me." "All numbers." "GH62415380." "GH62415380." " Why?" " Just wondering." " Why?" " So how was the psychiatrist?" " He was a woman." " Did you get the prescription?" " No." " You didn't act depressed enough." "She wants to see me again next week." "Really?" "Why?" "Why, George?" "I think she likes me." ""One night, while we were in these tropics  I went out to the end of the flying-jib boom upon some duty and, having finished it, turned round and lay over the boom for a long time admiring the beauty of the sight before me." "Being so far out from the deck I could look at the ship as a separate vessel and there rose up from the water supported only by the small, black hull a pyramid of canvas, spreading out far beyond the hull and towering up almost, as it seemed in the indistinct night air to the clouds." "So..."" " Excuse me, is there any stew left?" "There is." "I'll get you some." "You want some corn bread too?" "No, thank you." "Charley, stew?" "George?" "No, thanks." " Thank you." " You're welcome." ""So quiet, too, was the sea, and so steady the breeze that if these sails had been sculpted marble they could not have been more motionless." "Not a ripple upon the surface of the canvas not even a quivering of the extreme edges of the sail so perfectly were they distended by the breeze." "I was so lost in the sight that I forgot the presence of the man who came out with me until he said, half to himself:" "'How quietly they do their work."'" "Charley?" "Charley, where are you?" "Charley, answer me." "Charley?" "Charley." "Charley!" "Please, Charley, just do me this one favor, please." "If you go somewhere, just let me know when you leave, okay?" "Where you going?" "Bed." "Come on." "Up, up, Simba." "And next, the very lovely Carl." "Thattaboy, Carl." "And now, Elaine, the pit bull from Spain." "Come on, come on, jump up." "Try again, come on." "And now, Senor Chico himself." "He'll just get moving." "Come on, boy, get cracking." "Show some life." "What's the story?" "Is Senor Chico too depressed?" "Too depressed, just sitting there with your tongue hanging out." "But here comes Sandra and Felipe and Oswaldo and Fernandez." "A cornucopia of talent." "But not Senor Chico." "He just sits there, droopy and poopy not prancing and dancing like Mr. Agenda." "Folks I give you the famous world traveler the star competitor of all universal time." "Yes, up, up, up!" "And the crowd goes wild." "Hallelujah." "Saved." "My mother was weeding naked in the garden  when she heard William Gibbs cry out." "Her response was to grab a hoe and look down quick for snakes." "I'm sorry, I'm..." "Only when he kept his back to her and outlined his mission  to the chicken house did it dawn on her  to reach for Charley's coat off the scarecrow and cover herself." "I'm a taxpayer-resolution representative with the IRS." "Shameless." " Are you Mrs. Groden?" " Yes." "I would've called to let you know I was coming but your phone's unlisted." " Oh, we don't have a phone." " No phone?" " Nope." "Would you like something cold to drink?" "I would, yes." "Thank you." "Okay." "Is Mr. Groden here?" "Yes, Mr. Groden's here, but he's not feeling very well." "You're the first person wearing a suit to come into our home." " I'm sorry." " That's all right." "Don't apologize." "I'm surprised you found us all the way out here." "It did take me a while." "Four days, actually." " The IRS put you in a hotel in town?" " Sometimes." "Actually, I spent the last two nights in my car." "Well, your suit looks very neat, considering." "Thank you." " Where is your car?" " It's about two or three miles that way." " That way." " We'll give you a lift." "We never use the road, we always go cross-country, so..." "Mrs. Groden, have you been getting notices from us?" "We have." "We've gotten several." " Good." " Now, I can offer you some ice water but maybe you'd enjoy some wild chokecherry wine as well." "I think you deserve it." " This is my daughter, Bo." " How do you do?" "My full name is Cecilia." " Cecilia?" " Cecilia Amanda." "L..." "I mean, Cecilia Rose." "Hello, Cecilia Rose." "I'm William Gibbs." "Well, William Gibbs here you go." " Mom?" " Yeah?" " You could get dressed." "Excuse me." "I like your tie." "What grade are you in, Cecilia Rose?" "I'm homeschooled." "Have you been working for the IRS long, Mr. Gibbs?" "As a matter of fact, I just recently made a career switch." "I was a short-order cook." "Sounds like you've been getting around." " Your father's not feeling well?" " He's depressed." "I've been to New York City." "I was very small at the time." "One, I believe." "Oh, would you like to stay for dinner?" "Dinner?" "No, thank you." "I have to be getting back." "It's a long drive." "I'll be leaving soon myself." "I'm not gonna be living here much longer." "I'm just helping Arlene and Charley out." " That's a very nice briefcase." " Thank you." "I like it." "You could fit the whole world in that briefcase." "I'll be ordering a briefcase like that very soon myself." "Oh, what's wrong with your hand?" "My hand?" "Good lord, you've been stung." "Why didn't you say anything?" "We keep bees for honey." " I'm so sorry." " Don't be sorry." "I don't mind." "Wow, they really swell up, don't they?" "I've never been stung before." " Here." " A new experience." "Put your arm down in that bucket." "Better take your ring off, though." "Your fingers might swell." "I'll guard it." "This is my husband, Charley Groden." "Charley, this is Mr. Gibbs." "He's with the IRS." "Pleased to meet you, sir." "He's been stung." "A lot." "Maybe hornets." "Not a very friendly greeting." "We're pretty casual around here." "You may have noticed." "It's extremely likely." "So, Mr. Gibbs, is there a problem with our tax forms?" "Only that you haven't filed for seven years." " Has it been that long?" " It has." "Well, we used to file." "We filed for years but since we only live on $5000 a year at some point it seemed a waste of everybody's time." "Well, we'd still like you to file." "In fact, I'm afraid there's a penalty for not filing." "Oh, no, a penalty?" " Could I have another glass of water?" " Oh, certainly." "Your arm is really swelling up." "Hope you're not allergic to bees." "You could be in big trouble." "I keep a detailed budget you're welcome to take a look at." "We get $320 a month veterans' compensation and we make about $1200 a year selling cut flowers and crafts." "That pays for whatever we don't grow or hunt for or find in the county dump." " The dump?" " Oh, we only take the good stuff." "My dad can repair anything." " Really?" " Would you like to stay for dinner?" "We're having baked Alaska." "Actually, I'm feeling a little bit faint." "Yeah, I wonder..." "Could I just lie down for a few minutes?" "Lie down?" "Certainly." "Bo?" "Bo, get Mr. Gibbs a blanket." " Cecilia Rose." " I mean, Cecilia Rose." "Within 15 minutes of entering the Groden home  William Gibbs was flat on his back, out cold." "At the time, I thought it was the poison in my father's spirit  that laid him low." "When's he leaving?" "Couple days." "I don't know what to do." "Charley's always the one who fixes everything." "You should tell the psychiatrist the truth." "Tell her you got a friend who really needs some drugs." "All right." "How many times have you seen her now?" "Three." "What do you talk about?" "Talk about my childhood." "You like her?" "That's good." "How many more times does she expect you to come?" "She doesn't say." " It must be costing you." " No, it's okay." "God, it's a funny notion, paying someone to listen to your childhood." "We got stereo barred owls, one at each end of the meadow." "I wonder if animals ever get depressed." "Oh, they must, huh?" "They must have moods." "Maybe it's just natural." "We should all relax and let it follow its course." "George." "I saw this coyote today." "Oh, he was the wildest-looking thing." "You know how most coyotes are sorry and scraggly-looking he was stunning." "The way he moved..." "I might ask her to marry me." "Marry you?" "George, really?" "She's a gentle person." "She's very thoughtful." "She cares." "You pay her to care." "George you ought not to confuse romance with business." "Bo and I will keep you company." "And we need you now more than ever." " What is it?" " Thirsty?" "Want some water?" "Not really." "Mr. Groden." "Okay." "Thank you very much, sir." "Good water." " Do you know what time it is?" " Late." "Then again, maybe it's early." "I see you're up." "Yeah." "Couldn't sleep?" " How about you?" " I could." "I could sleep." "I was asleep." "Thank you for letting me stay the night, very much." " You're from Albuquerque?" " Oh, no." "I'm from Brookline." "Outside of Boston." "I just moved to Albuquerque a month ago." "This job for the IRS came up." "Kind of a fluke." "They hired me even though I'm not a CPA." "They seemed quite desperate." "I do have a law degree." "Excuse the crying." "I'm a damn crying machine." "That's why I drink so much water." "Won't have any fluids left in me." "You ever been depressed?" "I've never not been depressed." "Never not been depressed?" "Never not." "You've always been depressed." "Yes, sir." "The first time for me." "I don't know how you stand it." "Well, I guess I'm used to it." "I don't even know how I got here." "Do you know what set it off?" "Oh, I guess it started when I was 6." "Came home from school, and my mother had hung herself." "No." "Yes." "You found her like that?" "In the front hall." "It was awkward, because I was carrying this pyramid I'd made in school out of foam core..." "Well, it was like foam core." "And I opened the door with my back and essentially walked backwards into her." "I may actually have been depressed before that." " You put me to shame." " No." "Yeah." " Good reason like that." " Oh, I think I have a fever." "I am cold." "I'm freezing." "This is a terrible thing to say but sometimes I think being dead would be easier." "You will be dead very soon." "Your life will be over in a heartbeat." "Is that..." "Mr. Gibbs?" " Who?" " It's Cecilia Rose." "Good morning." "Would you mind if I tried out your briefcase?" "Tried it out?" "Yeah, okay." "What are you doing?" " Bo?" " My name isn't Bo." "It's Cecilia Rose." "I'm rolling my pennies." "A big multicolored hot-air balloon just went over the ridge." "Today is the balloon fest." "You just missed it, Dad." "No, we don't think it's anything serious." "He might not be back at work for a couple of days." "Just wanted to let you know." "Sure." "By the way, he's an excellent and polite employee." "I highly recommend him." "Very courteous." "Okay, I'll check in with you later." "Bye." "Can I help you?" "This is something an executive would like, don't you think?" "I think so." " What's that?" " An appointment book." "An appointment book." "Perfect." "I'll take it." "He makes lots of appointments." "You know what's really weird?" "When they send you a credit card, it's just in a plain envelope." "You could throw it away and not even know it was in there." " Who?" " I feel so bad for Mr. Gibbs." " They completely stripped his car." " Who got a credit card?" "It's sitting in the desert like a corpse." "Like the vultures came and pecked out the eyeballs." " The radio, the seats..." " Arlene got a credit card?" "Any news on that psychiatrist front?" "Goddamn it, Charley." "Not again." "Come out." "Come out, Charley, now." "Come out now." "Enough." "Look, Charley, you can lock yourself in the chicken house." "You can lock yourself in the root cellar." "You can lock yourself in the shed and the truck..." "No, not the truck." "And not the outhouse!" "Come out of the outhouse right now!" "You're being selfish, Charley." "You're sitting there listening to me being selfish and self-indulgent, self-pitying." "God." "Sweetheart, I can't take this much more." "Humility, Charley, it's what keeps you from being humiliated." "That's where the word comes from." "Everybody gets depressed." "Why should you be above it, huh?" "I'll say one thing for you, when you take on a project you give it your all." "You've never done anything half-assed and you're not doing it now." "Charley, I've been thinking maybe we should try to have another kid." "You know, we're getting kind of old for it, but maybe..." "She can't stay a little girl forever, Charley." "Charley?" "Oh, God, Charley." "Charley, say something." "Charley, please say something." "I'm okay." "It's all right, William." " All right, lie down." " Hey!" "It's okay, it's all right." "Oh, no, no, no, lie down." "Three days and nights William Gibbs cried out from another world  burning up with fever." "My mother nursed him, applying herbs and remedies  concocted by her grandmother, a full-blooded Hopi Indian." "He would seize her hand and squeeze it so hard  she could not hold her coffee mug with that hand for a week  could not turn the key in the ignition." "William." "Will..." "William, let go!" "Let go of my hand, William." "William, let go." "William..." "William, let go, let go." "Oh, God." "This is my hunting knife." "It's 10 inches long." "I use it to skin squirrels." " Where is your mother?" " In town." "I brought you some copies of the Wall Street Journal." "They're a little out of date, three years old." "I thought you might like to browse through them." "Have you ever seen the ocean?" "The ocean?" "Yes." "Which one, the Pacific or the Atlantic?" " The..." " Or the Indian or the Arctic or the Antarctic or the Red Sea or the Mediterranean, Baltic Central American, Bering..." " Did I say Bering?" " No, you didn't." "The Atlantic." " You know a lot of oceans and seas." " I know Latin." "Did you like it?" "Yes, I did like the Atlantic very much." "I used to go to Cape Cod when I was a little boy, with my parents." "I know Cape Cod." "It's one of the New England states." " I don't think Cape Cod is a state." " It is." "And you stood at the edge and waded in the water?" " Will she be back soon, your mother?" " You kicked off your shoes rolled up your trousers and stood at the edge of the whole entire Atlantic Ocean?" "You look out, and you keep on looking and there keeps on being water, very flat and more water and more water, as far as you can see?" " Yes." " And then what happens at the end when you can only see so far, at the very, very farthest point?" " How does it look?" " Well the planet curves..." " You see the curve of the planet?" "You see the horizon." "You see the sky touching down on the ocean." " My God, Mr. Gibbs, that's wonderful." "You can see that here, in New Mexico." "You can see the sky out on the horizon touching down on the desert." "It's the same." "I don't think it's the same one bit." ""Desert" is another word for "wasteland."" " What is your mother doing in town?" " Stuff." "We washed your shirt." "I ironed your tie." " Would you like it?" " You ironed my tie?" "I had it on medium heat." "It's a polyester blend." "Would you like to put it on?" "Now?" " I don't think so." " Go ahead, you'll feel better." "Now I see." "Nice." "Oh, I almost forgot." "I got you an appointment book." "I filled your name out on the front page." "See?" "Thank you." "So do you have any appointments you'd like me to jot down for you?" " What's in this one?" " Apple-strudel coffee cake." "You're up." "You look much better." "You got some color." " Mrs. Groden?" " Would you like to wash yourself?" "Would you...?" "There's a pool in the stream above the goat pen." " Mrs. Groden, I..." " There's a Mercury at the dump same model as yours." "I'm sure we can get a lot of parts." "I love you." " Well, that's nice." " This is very serious, Mrs. Groden." "I am in love with you deeply, so deeply." "Well, good." "I appreciate your letting me tell you." "Because there's a part of my brain that's eroded from how many times I've told you in the past I don't know how many days, it seems like years, I was delirious." "Over and over." "But, Mrs. Groden, I have to tell you..." "Would you mind if I put the battery down?" "It's heavy." "The battery?" "Sure, put it down." "Thank you." "When I first saw you, I don't know how many days ago that was..." " What day is today?" " Tuesday." " Tuesday." " Do you wanna sit down?" "No." "The moment I saw you, Mrs. Groden, the very first instant I knew my life as I had understood it was..." "I'd been up since sunrise my second night in the car." "I was completely lost." "I must have walked 10 miles to a clearing..." "To your garden." "To you, standing there in all those vegetables." "I saw you and pinon trees behind and the hill, and everything completely still." "So beautiful it was almost unbearable." "It still is." "Then later, holding your hand I remembered being at a birthday party a children's birthday party and my older brother was acting out me discovering my mother dead." "My mother committed suicide, but maybe she didn't." "He was telling this story how I'd come home from school carrying a pyramid I'd made out of foam core." "And opened the front door and walked in backwards and bumped into her in the hall." "She hung herself." "Now I don't think it's true, I..." "I don't think it's a real memory, my memory." "I think it's just the description that I heard from my brother." "I don't even think foam core existed back then, Mrs. Groden." "I always felt partly responsible, involved, being the one to find her." "But now I don't think I did." "I don't think I did." "It was like the cornerstone of my childhood." "The event upon which I built everything else and now it's pulled out, and everything is toppled." "The only thing I can hold on to right now, Mrs. Groden the only thing I know to be true is my love for you." "Mr. Gibbs." " Yes?" " New Mexico is a very powerful place." "Often when people first get here, it's a little overwhelming." "I do feel a little displaced." "You're welcome to stay here with us as long as you like till you find your bearings." " Maybe just one or two nights?" " Sure." " Thanks." "Your husband won't mind?" " Oh, no." "He won't mind." "He won't mind." "I can't hide my feelings." "I would hope not." "We'll get this tax thing straightened out." "I know it must be weighing on you." "They have a good mass-transit system in New York, don't they, Mr. Gibbs?" "Bread?" "Bread." "Certainly." "Please." "Thank you." " Butter?" " No, thank you." "Actually, I would, on second thought." "Please." "Thank you." "Cecilia Rose?" " Bo?" " What?" " Would you like some butter?" " Oh, no, thanks." "Mr. Groden?" "There's a spoon by your bowl." " I beg your pardon?" " A spoon for your soup." "That's a fork." "You don't happen to play the accordion, Mr. Gibbs, do you?" "The accordion." "No." "My dad plays practically every instrument." "What happens if you guys ever have to go to the dentist or something?" " What do you mean?" " How do you pay for it?" " Trade." " Trade?" "My mom takes care of Larry's fruit trees, he's our dentist." "That's unusual." "My dad's philosophy is:" "Having a job is expensive." "If you spend all your time working for someone else you don't have any time to learn to do things yourself." " Here it is." " Amazing." " You live without money." " Oh, yeah." "See these raspberry preserves?" "They're from my raspberry plant." "Here, take one, enjoy." "Thanks, George." " Can I give you something?" " Afraid not." "Hey, George." " Skunk?" " Yeah, dumb dog." " How are you, George?" " Okay." "He's inside." "So, George, did you ask her?" "Ask her what?" "Drugs." "Not yet." "Wanna stay for dinner?" "No, I can't." "Thanks." "Philadelphia, New York, Cape Cod." "Cape Cod." " A VA psychiatrist." " Yeah, stupid plan." "Seems to have backfired." " I can get Charley some drugs." " You can?" "May I see your wallet for just a minute?" "I actually have some drugs that he can have." "You do?" "Really?" " For depression?" " Yes." "I have several prescriptions." "That would be so wonderful, William." "That is great, that is so great." "Thank you." "Thank you so much." "So when we get your car fixed, Mr. Gibbs..." "Yeah?" "Maybe we can take a little drive somewhere." "A Texaco credit card." "Interesting." "So any ideas where we can go?" "First things first." "Music." "And now for the big stuff." "You wanna hand me the wrench?" "Mr. Gibbs, the wrench." "It's in your hand." " It's a drug." " Yes." " I don't like drugs." " Yes, I know." "Just please try it." "It's been known to help people who are depressed." "Now, you're in a chemically altered state, sweetheart and chemicals might help you out of it." "What a bust." "Burnt butter, that's all." "Burnt fake butter on a tortilla." "Everyone's calling it the face of our Lord Jesus Christ." "What a bunch of loons." "Who wants a Moon Pie?" "What's going on?" "This is the drug I was telling you about that William got for us." "Take it, Dad." "What have you got to lose?" "William's taking them." "I really don't care to." "Look, Charley we went to a lot of trouble to get you these." "The least you can do is try one." "You better take it, Dad because we're gonna sneak it in your food if you don't." "William Gibbs' first painting  was 20 inches high and 41 feet wide." "Though unsigned, the value of that painting is now recklessly high." "Not just because of the sheer volume of ocean and sky  the "disturbing depths of an ocean," as one respected critic has put it  but because the art world deems it the only painting  in William Gibbs' short but brilliant career  that wasn't some view, some study of the garden." "What those high-minded fools don't know  is submerged in the water are some two dozen sketches of the garden." "His first of my mother, naked as the back of my hand." "Those he sketched first in pencil  then, like a murderer burying the body  drowned in a wash of blue." "Three and a half weeks William Gibbs  spent painting 41 feet of the ocean's horizon." "It was near about the 11th foot that it dawned on me  that someone who I had perceived as a link with the outside world  had in fact been swallowed in the quicksand of mine." "Okay, I've got it." "You'll have to check these figures, but I think including the penalties and all the interest, we owe $1260." "I'm so sorry." "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault." "You have flour on your face." "I was baking bread." "Now you have paint on your face." " What are you painting?" " He's painting a curve for me." " What curve?" " The curve of the planet." "Where the ocean meets the sky." " Is that...?" " You wouldn't have any more paint, would you?" "I'm running out of blue." "Well, we'll run into town." "And you can call your office." "I'm sure they must be expecting you." " No, I'm not going back there." " No?" "I didn't come all the way out to New Mexico to work for the Internal Revenue Service." "Well, what did you come here for?" "Dear "Ask Beth":" "I am a 12-year-old girl." "Healthy, outgoing, so far so good." "My problem is this:" "My father is depressed." "Not just, quote, "blue," unquote  but really, really depressed." "He's been this way so long it feels like an eternity." "My mother is afraid he's gonna kill himself." "I know he will not, he loves us too much." "But it is really starting to get to me." "He used to take me with him everywhere  and I do mean everywhere." "He taught me how to hunt and carve and repair blenders  and rebuild a VWengine." "I could fill your column for a week." "Beth, we haven't been to the dump together to shoot bottles  or get stuff in so long  I can't even remember." "I'm afraid I may start to get depressed and have a lifelong problem." "Is it contagious?" "My last question is this:" "Will he ever remember the good times?" "Yours, Too Young to Be Depressed in New Mexico  Land of Enchantment." "Charley!" "Charley!" " Are you all right?" " Yeah." "Is that the first bear you've ever seen?" "You got quite a front-row seat, huh?" "He's been after our honey all summer." "He's destroyed a couple of our hives." "We'll get good steaks out of him." "I have an announcement to make, everybody listen." "I'm going to school this fall." "I'm enrolling in a public school." "I think I'll just rinse off in the river." "Okay." "Good thinking." "Well, you can go to public school if you want to." " I am going." " Bo?" " What?" "Let's do something special this afternoon just you and me, let's have a picnic." " Why?" "I'm busy." "We can stop by the library, drop off books maybe go see a movie." " Movie, why?" " Just because." " I'm going to school." "I know." "Help me finish skinning the bear, and we'll pack a picnic and go." " Did you gut him already?" " Yeah." "I saw your letter in yesterday's paper." "My letter?" "To "Ask Beth"?" "They printed it?" "Yep." " Oh, my God." "It's published?" " Yep." "Oh, my God." "That's a national column." "That column is in papers all over the country." "My own letter is published all over the country." " Well, do you have a copy?" " I do." "We'll read it together." "My heart is pounding." "So is mine." "Yeah." "I'll go look for him." "I'll find him, don't worry." "Bye." "I'm going crazy, George." "Crazy." "It's these damn drugs." "I feel like strangling something." "I feel like going out in the yard and strangling that damn goat!" " I'm dangerous." " Sit down." "Sit down?" "Look at me, can I sit down?" "I just walked 20 miles." "I mean, look at my legs." "They're still moving, look at them." " Have a beer." " Beer?" "I can't have a beer." "I'm not supposed to drink alcohol with these damn drugs." "You know, I'm apt to murder someone." "Okay, I'll have a beer." " Yeah, maybe you'd better not." " I'm having one." "I'm having five." "I'm gonna drink till I pass out." "I need some relief." "I am pathetic." "I'm so pathetic." "How did I get to be this pathetic?" "Wrestle with me, George." " What?" " Wrestle with me." "Come on, we'll go out in the yard." " I don't want to wrestle with you." " Please." " No." " Why not?" " Because." " Because why?" " I'm dressed up." " Oh, shit, that's why?" "I'm seeing someone." "What?" "I'm seeing someone." "Thank you, George." "Thank you so much." "Don't let me go, George." "Oh, God." "Don't let me go." "Oh, no." "No." "Bo." "Your painting is done." "It's magnificent." "William Gibbs' 41-foot-long painting of the planet's curve  was 1 foot shy of the perimeter of my room." "He hung it so that when I lay on my back  I could stare out 14 miles to the horizon any way I looked." "Encircled by water, I would turn and float on my back  arms outstretched, chin up  and feel in the small of my back the rounded curve of the planet  supporting me like a buoy." "Like faith." "By loving each other truly and serving our Lord sincerely and serving our Lord sincerely may you come to see your children's children." "And after a long life on earth may you come to the kingdom of heaven." "Amen." "We lost George that summer." "He and Consuela settled in Talpa, Mexico  where George was informed he'd been elected mayor  without knowing he was on the ballot." "I give you a companion, not a servant." "Love her as Christ loves the Church." "I missed him terribly." "In the custom of the Americans, you can kiss the bride." " No!" " Bo." " He can't move!" " Sweetheart..." "No, he can't move!" "I don't want him to move!" " He'll come visit us." " He should be here now!" " He's late!" " Sweetheart, he's on his honeymoon." "But it's Daddy's birthday, he's never not been here for Daddy's birthday." "Bo, I'm stunned, you've never shown this much affection for him." " You're always making fun of George." " He's my godfather!" "Yes, he's your godfather." "And he will always be your godfather." "Not if he moves to Mexico." "I want George." "Well, I think he would be very touched to see you so upset." "He won't even take me fishing anymore." "Other people in your life will take you fishing." "Nobody fishes like George!" "George will take you fishing again, with his new bride." " She can't even speak English!" " She can speak a little." " You can teach her." " No!" "Bo." "She's upset about George." "I just told her." "Hey!" "Bo!" "I'm sorry you feel so bad." "George is really gonna freak out in Mexico." "He's not gonna know how to act." "Remember when Harry Dean Stanton died, and we talked about the stars?" "About how after a star dies, you still see the light from it and Harry Dean was still alive in our lives, even though he was gone." " And you said this..." " I don't need to hear this." " Harry Dean Stanton was a ghost." " Bear with me, I need to remember it." "I'm feeling a little sad today." "I found an old friend in the woods yesterday." "I didn't kill him." "You said, and I thought it was a lovely thought, that there were all those stars that you couldn't even see yet all those new sources of light, new possibilities yet to come." "George was my best friend." "He'd do anything I told him to do." "It's very nice for you to feel so much for him." "Bo, you should never kill anything you don't eat." "You know that." "Well, who eats coyote?" "Oh, my God, what in the world...?" "Bo." "Pretty, isn't she?" "Charley Groden?" "You wanna sign here." "And it comes with the trailer." "You've got a nice place." "Not a lot of water around, is there?" "What's going on?" " Happy birthday, Dad." " What?" "It's for you." "Can I use your phone?" "We don't have a phone." " No phone?" " How'd you find this place?" "Map." "Nope, not much water out here." "There's a gigantic lake about an hour away." "That'll come in handy." "Are you all on mushrooms or something?" " Just kidding." " Bo, where did this boat come from?" " California." " San Diego." "You like it, Dad?" "This is a beautiful boat." "The only problem is it doesn't come with sails." "But I thought we could make some." "I thought it might help cheer you up." "Can I get you just to sign right here?" "What?" "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "Bo, this is awfully sweet but they're gonna expect some kind of payment." "It's already paid for." "I charged it to my MasterCharge card." "What?" "You got a MasterCharge card?" " Yeah, it came in the mail." " I never saw it." "I know, they disguise it in a plain envelope." "I almost threw it away." "Could I ask you how much this costs?" "It's a present, Mom." "You got me a boat for my birthday." "Yep." "Happy birthday, Dad." "Thanks." "You're welcome." "Wonder if she'll take a spinnaker." "That evening we went and sat with the coyote, my mother and I." "She said a Hopi prayer and lay my hands on his head." "I felt the weight of the summer drain down my arms  and empty into that motionless head in my lap." "Mr. Groden." "I'll join you." " Sleepy?" " Yeah, I'm a little sleepy." "I don't think I can do this every night." "Nice shirt." "Thanks." "It's yours." "Arlene gave it to me, your wife." "It's nice." " Do you like to hunt?" " No." "I don't know, maybe." "Maybe I love to hunt and I don't know." "I don't know who I am." " I don't either." " Know who I am?" "You?" "You don't know who I am, or who you are?" "No." "Jupiter." "You know, I really admire you, Mr. Groden more than any man I've ever met." "You don't have a penny in the bank no life insurance, no credit." "But your house is all paid for you got four years' worth of food stored away three years' worth of firewood, stockpiles of clothes beautiful wife, great kid your life is yours." "I think you're a genius." "You didn't find that telescope in the dump, did you?" "It was my father's." "It's a beauty." "I give it to you, it's yours." " I can't take it." " Yes, it's yours." " No, I can't." " Yes." "I'll find another one." "Where?" "They're all over the place." "Telescopes are everywhere." "They are?" "Yep." "Well thank you very much." "Thank you, Mr. Groden." "You know what I told you about my mother, about me finding her hanging in the front hall." "Yeah." "I don't think it's true." "I've been wanting to tell you." "I didn't mean to lie to you, I..." "I don't know how she died but I wasn't involved." "You don't know how she died?" "No." "No one in my family would talk about it." "My father, my aunts..." "But it wasn't my fault." " Hey, you were just a kid." " Yeah, exactly." "I was just a kid, a little kid." "I could barely..." "It's all right, William." "Through my window, the cool night air carried the sound of my father  dropping the complimentary box of tissues from the Kleenex company  as he passed them over to William Gibbs." "Passing as it were between athletes on a relay team, a baton." "There was a valve opened in William Gibbs  releasing a torrent of tears." "It seemed that same valve continued turning in my father  all the way to the off position  shutting off that steady leak that had streaked his face  and our lives for more than half a year." "Nice graph." "Each chicken gets its own column." "This shows how many milligrams they get." "I think you need another rooster in this experiment." "Why?" "You've got six hens and only two roosters." "I think we ought to have some more behavior categories." "All we have is, what, "sleepy" and "aggressive."" "How else is a drugged chicken supposed to act?" " There's other categories." " Like what?" "Happy, disoriented." "All chickens are disoriented." "Besides, we're almost out of drugs." "Well, maybe we ought to get some more." "This is interesting." "I don't think we should be feeding those drugs to the chickens." " It's unkind." " You fed them to me." "Bo, would you take this sandwich out to William?" "I covered the tomatoes, there's gonna be a frost tonight." "Summer's over." "What did you do to your hair?" " My hair?" "Nothing." " Looks different." "No, it doesn't." "I asked him to do a painting of you in the garden." "You don't mind?" "I'm gonna make him some oil paints." "In da Vinci's notebooks, it says to make azure blue you mix cornflowers with wild poppies." "And amber is the latex of a cypress tree." "You only have one boot on." "Yeah, I took the other one off." "Charley, how are we gonna deal with this?" "We owe the government $1260, we owe MasterCharge $4776." " What are we gonna do?" " Come over here." "Would you come over here." "Please." " What?" " Put your foot up here." " Charley..." " Put it here." ""Dear George, I miss you." "There's a hole in the day without you." "Mom is in town at a softball game  because Angel Rodriguez got too pregnant  so Mom is a catcher in the playoffs." "Tell Consuela thanks again for the T-shirt." "It's a tad small, so we're going to sew it into the spinnaker." "Do you know what a spinnaker is?" "It's a really big sail that looks like a hot-air balloon  in the front bow of a boat." "I'm going to school in a few days." "I'll write tomorrow and don't be surprised if a Nabisco delivery man pulls up with one of your many wedding presents from me." "Your faithful goddaughter forever, Bo Groden."" "William Gibbs' death was as mysterious as his mother's." "Some German tourists in a Land Rover found him out in the desert  lying on his back, arms outstretched  a sketchbook by his side." "Eight years almost to the day after he appeared on our doorstep  dazed and sore of foot." "Officials pressed for an autopsy, but my mother would have none of it." "She and my father buried him below the garden." "His gala retrospective show was in Santa Fe  across from the Hungry Coyote Gallery  where his first show received rave reviews." "My 41-foot-long painting of the ocean's horizon  sold in that first show for $ 115,000." "When we sold it the summer my father was no longer so depressed  it fetched $9000, enough to pay off the government  MasterCharge and fit me with a new set of braces." "I have of late been pondering that painting." "It has struck me to view the ocean as the past  the sky as the future  and the present as that thin, precarious line where both meet." "Precarious because as we stand there, it curves underfoot  ever-changing." ""Every time all hands were sent to the halyard, a song was called for and we hoisted away with a will." "Sail after sail was added as we drew into fine weather, and in one week after leaving Cape Horn the long, topgallant masts were got up topgallant and royal yards crossed and the ship restored to her fair proportions." "The Southern Cross and Magellan Clouds settled lower and lower in the horizon." "And so great was our change in latitude that each succeeding night we sank some constellation in the south and raised another in the northern horizon.""