"Morning." "My name's Fellner." "You must be Herr Bosel." "Great." "Could I just put my overnight bag in the trunk?" "Thanks that's very sweet." "Terrible weather we got, ey?" "April being unpredictable as per usual." "Although I really like springtime." "Natures grand re-awakening..." "Though March can often be like November kind of gloomy  overcast." "Except that Christmas has passed and the ticks are on their way." "Herr Bosel would you mind terribly not smoking in here" "It's just that I have this minor allergy." "Thanks that's very sweet." "Well this'll be a nice business trip won't it?" "I'm looking forward to summer." "Sitting outside a bit of dancing a bit of freaking out." "Although the only ones who've got real rhythm are the blacks." "Autumn has the advantage that the grapes are cheaper." "And in winter of course taking little walks drinking tea with rum..." "Though winter isn't what it used to be even if it does cool down at night." "In the desert it often gets so hot even the animals that live there don't go out in the sun." "Hey isn't that funny..." "Kirchdorf Kirchstatten Monichkirchen." "All the villages have 'Kirche' ( church ) in their name." "One can take it that the church was there first and then the village grew up around it." "Kind of interesting that." "Our former president for instance Kirchschlager." "It's quite likely that his ancestors came from Kirchschlag." "Do you know Trivial Pursuit with questions about geography history..." "Herr Bosel!" "That's aluminium. lt can be recycled!" "Where are your emergency signs?" "What emergency signs?" "Where are people supposed to go in case of a fire?" "Outside I guess." "What's this supposed to be?" "Do we say "Showers for display use"?" "It's always worked before..." "Madam this is an official brochure issued by the Lower Austrian Federal Government." "How about a few days here with your family in the summer free of charge?" "Don't try that with me." "I never ever..." "But Herr Schremser never..." " That might've worked with my predecessor but not with me!" "We only get elderly guests and they rarely shower." "If the water takes 5 minutes to arrive it's not a shower it's a lottery." "What's so funny?" "All innkeepers are morons." "Yes... that's kind of true." "A bunch of morons all of them." "Oh a health fanatic are you?" "Only vegetables." "No no." "I'm on the kiwi diet." "Everything except kiwis." "What I like are those breaded mushrooms you know deep-fried with tartare sauce." "I used to love that fried spam." "But not so much now." "Now I like fried mushrooms better." "It's changed." "Sometimes when my wife's not at home I make myself fish fingers." "You can fry them up real quick." "It's a cinch." "What I sort of like is Italian food." "Those little squid rings deep-fried." "They really fill you up." "What I'm not crazy about... is Chinese food." "It all tastes the same." "What's that you're listening to?" "INDIA" "My dear man if it says "Wiener Schnitzel" on the menu then it has to be veal." "Yes sure." "Except if it says "made with pork"." "The tablecloth was filthy the saltshaker was all clogged with ketchup... and the "freshly-made venison" came out of these cans." "Yes sure..." "Well boss ..." "That puts me in a very difficult position." "I think I left the butter out at breakfast." "Can you take a look?" "And while you're at it the zucchinis need to be used up." "Be a dear." "Three two one - big kiss!" "Here's another..." "My friend..." "that really wasn't necessary." "Good-bye." "All the best." "They were out of freshly-squeezed." "Thanks that's very sweet." "The American Indians for instance they hardly talked at all." "They sat outside their tents for days saying nothing" "and after say three weeks ... they said one word." "But of course then it was something very important." ""Oof" probably or "How" or "Yippy-ky-yay"." "Yeah something important." "We have a little trash bag now." "Hey where is everything?" " I tidied up a bit." "And where's the newspaper?" "It was a week old." "It had the week's TV guide." "We don't get to watch TV." " What d'you mean?" "If I want to watch TV I watch TV." "And I want to know what's interesting 'cause that's what I watch and I can only do that with the guide." "Sorry." "Fuck your "sorry"." "What is this?" "My orange juice." "Well that's a new one on me." "Getting bellyache from orange juice..." "But of course if you're prone to it if you have that tendency you shouldn't risk it." "That's my first salami sandwich in 5 months." "I wonder how my body will react to it." "It's actually quite unhealthy but a little sin now and then why not?" "And then it has to be real salami of course because the taste's really in the fat." "Those half-raw chicken legs or that clotted fat on the wings that looks like pus." "But sometimes I get this craving..." "If there's some lard around" "I simply stick my finger in it - no bread needed." "But that's nothing;" "the Japanese eat raw fish." "The Philippinos are the worst " "They eat warm monkey's brain." "They crack it's skull open and spoon it out like a soft-boiled egg." "Horrendous." "Herr Fellner..." "Could you, for 5 minutes, just shut the fuck up?" "I feel you have something against me." "We can't leave it like this." "We have to talk this through." "I don't want to." "I'm ill." "I'm sure that's only an outward symptom the inner causes lie much deeper." "Do you dislike the way I dress or is it my manner?" "We have to talk." " Give over... ls "talking it through" too threatening?" "Let's chat about it." "Where does all this aggression come from?" "Go and shite." "You see that's exactly what I mean." "There's hidden aggression in everything you say." "Let it out!" "It's wonderfully liberating" " FOR FUCKS SAKE!" "We'll deal with this later." "Herr Fellner look... I didn't mean it like that." "There - spit on me." "That's your style." "We can pull each other's nose hairs out like in the Stone Age." "Today there are other ways besides ruining a €400 jacket." "Don't get so fucking upset..." " lf you say "fuck" one more time" "I can't work with you any longer." "Is that perfectly clear?" "Waitress, eh, what about my schnitzel?" "Scandalous all this waiting." "Like at the ski lift." "When you look at it 90% of all innkeepers are 100% stupid." "Give me that." "With this report they'll only get refugees next year." "What's his name?" " Kirchner." "We're in Kirchdorf and the owner's called Kirchner." "There you go again." "My name's Fellner." "That indicates that my ancestors once had a tannery or something." "Bosel - hard to say where that comes from." "Probably Slavic." "Are you saying I'm a foreigner?" "!" "I'm not a foreigner." " No your ancestors in the Middle Ages..." "Do I speak a dialect?" "Do I speak any kind of dialect?" "Who ordered the schnitzel?" "Mixed salad." "Excuse me have you any freshly-squeezed orange juice?" "Well I'd have to make it." "Just a small glass." "Thanks that's very sweet." "In Seisenbach I once had to wait" "An hour and a half for a schnitzel." "And the longest I ever had to wait that was... in Rhodes." "But frankly that grilled stuff they have there that barbequed meat" "that's not my thing." "I have this theory that there's a connection between food and landscape." "Where the landscape is barren you often get grilled food." "Here the landscape's a bit lusher so we have all those different desserts." "I'm not crazy about sweet things." "In India for instance they only eat rice." "They sit on the street eating their rice and laughing, some of them starving..." "The landscape there must be fascinating." "No rice is not my thing." "I don't go for side-dishes." "The Japanese for instance have the soup at the end of the meal." "You're joking!" "What really?" "That's mental." "All those other cultures..." "The others... the American Indians." "They don't attack at night." "They think if they attack at night and one of them is shot they won't go to heaven." "That's why they only attack in the daytime." "Attack... who?" "The fort." "I see." "Come on..." "Honeybunch let me past." "You'll never make it!" "What a moron!" "He should have slowed down." "Get in!" "I'll drive to Kirchdorf in second gear I swear." "Don't be so nervous." "I'm going to report you!" "You're a raving lunatic!" "Oh yes?" "And d'you know what you are?" "A snobby prick!" "Shit!" "Who invented the automatic window?" "Only joking. I'll ask you a general knowledge question OK?" "A really easy one." "What is the northern ice-cap of our planet called?" "If that's not your strong point we can play something else." "Checkers pick-up-sticks dominoes." "57 68 7 8 many thanks for your help." "Herr Fellner what's the matter?" "Lucky in love?" "The way you play... a real Casanova." "Those aren't loser's points you've got - it's a rash." "All right let's go for it!" "Shall we close the deck?" "Do we close it?" "Close or what?" "Sure we close it." "Ace." "Ten." "Forty." "Where did you learn to play cards?" "With the Salvation Army?" "How many teeth does a male humpback whale have?" "Come on." "What do you think?" "How many?" "I don't care." "The male humpback has a few more than the female." "Careful Herr Bosel." "Maybe it's a trick question." "Maybe it doesn't have any." " Are we playing or not?" "It eats plankton actually." "Plank-ton." "Now what's that?" "A soap powder a contraceptive?" "Fuck you!" "I have no desire... to have this trip spoiled... by a repugnant, primitive sott who never made it who spent 17 years grovelling around on the road and who takes out his frustration on his colleagues." "I like being on the road." "I'm a cowboy." "Wrong pal... you're a failure." "Let's say 3 50 teeth." "Wild guess." "What?" "3 50 teeth the male humpback." "Female 738." "Just a guess." "Herr Bosel I actually wanted to finish my report..." "Let's have a drink." "Liven up a bit!" "I'm often very lively." "Sometimes exuberantly so." "I've already been to 3 parties this year." "One of them an "Almost Naked" party." "I didn't get drunk there either." "You went to a party naked?" "Almost." " What did you wear?" "An elephant's trunk." "An elephant's trunk?" "Where?" " Where do you think?" "What?" "Herr Fellner... an orgy-goer?" "What does your wife say to that?" " I'm not married." "Did you get laid?" " Pardon?" "Did you score?" " Herr Bosel I do not 'score'." "It's a question of pleasure." "Perhaps it's beyond your limited horizons but I once spent an entire night lying next to a woman..." "and nothing happened." "That happens." "Problems getting your trunk off right?" "In Japan the men imagine they're doing it with a rubber plant." "Just so they can hold out longer!" "Sure ... some chicks can be worse than a rubber plant." "I have the awful suspicion that you haven't quite understood what I mean." "What haven't I understood?" " What I..." "Come on explain it to me." " But I just did..." "I'm a moron tell me what I don't understand." "You misunderstood that." "I didn't misunderstand anything." "Stop talking that stupid back-to-front roundabout nonsense." "Say it straight out!" "And don't talk about those weirdos in Japan!" "They all fly into ships and kill themselves." "What can they teach us?" "Didn't you say they eat raw fish?" "And rubber plants that they grind in bed." "And soup for dessert!" "Would you be so kind as to leave the room?" "Look I don't mount my old woman like a dog." "Sure at first you... say a few nice things to her give her few looks honey baby... have a few drinks..." "But at the right moment you have to strike." "Compare it to a ski jump." "You have to know the right moment to take off." "You can't ask yourself if the ski jump likes it or not." "Herr Bosel we simply have different views." "Herr Fellner let's have a drink." " I don't drink." "You wanna know why?" "Should I tell you?" " No." "You haven't been married long enough." " I'm not married!" "Should I tell you what I bought my wife for Christmas?" "Wanna know?" "Some red... lacy panties." "What's so funny?" "What do you buy your wife for Christmas?" "A jar of coffee so she doesn't go to sleep on you?" "Practical things." " Like what?" "Well household items..." "What was it this year?" "A mixer..." "A mixer!" "Herr Fellner you're a moron." "Buy your wife something you can enjoy too." "But I do!" "I enjoy banana milkshakes." "Forget it!" "Buy her lacy underwear or even better... some high heels." "Get her to wear them in bed." "We don't need that." "You haven't been married long enough." " I'm not married." "After you've been married a while high heels are crucial." "Or do you think it's fun lying next to an old woman?" "Everytime you touch her it feels like cold rice pudding." "Herr Bosel that's enough!" "When I met her it was wonderful." "At a costume party." "She was eighteen." "She looked like that..." "Gina Lollobrigida." "With a black wig." "Three months later she called me." "Said she was pregnant." "We got married." "And the kid wasn't even mine it was some mechanic's from Simmering." "And I nearly broke my back building our house." "Like a fool I slaved for that whore the dirty slut..." "Every year at Christmas the presents..." "Nothing less than a fur coat was good enough for her..." "And what did I get?" "Soap on a rope." "It's time to go to bed now." "Can I tell you something?" "Man to man?" "I only screw her now to annoy her." "Honestly." "D'you think screwing her interests me?" "But when I see she doesn't want it then I ram it in her..." "extra hard." "Now we really are going to bed." "Come on." "Let's have another drink!" "Are you crazy?" "Let's play strip poker." "No it's time to go to bed." "Let's see who can piss furthest!" "Morning Herr Fellner." "Well..." "How are we this morning?" "I'm glad the weekend's coming." "I've got a lot to do in the garden." "The hedge needs cutting again... get the hedge trimmer out..." "Then I'll start on the vegetables." "Then the strawberries." "I pick them and my wife freezes them." "I must say I like having a garden." "Because you can see the change of seasons." "When you see snow outside..." "you know it's winter." "Tell me Herr Fellner you're an expert on those exotic cultures." "That tartare sauce... does it really come from the Tartars?" "What's your theory?" "My theory is that you're a stupid ignorant little asshole." "If you want a few strawberries in June just come by... we always have too many." " No get your wife to freeze them." "And then get her over the freezer and screw her from behind so it's really unpleasant for her." "My suggestion." "Look Herr Fellner..." "What I said yesterday about women and so on..." "I was drunk..." "I didn't mean to insult your girlfriend honestly" "I'm sure your girlfriend's a really good guy." "I called my girlfriend this morning." "And how is she?" "I don't know." "A man answered." "Perhaps your brother-in-law?" "I'm not married." "Want another orange juice?" "No..." "A schnaps." "A double." "Three two one..." "You know German beer's more bitter." "Then again their wine's sweeter." "Each to his own." "There's this Mexican beer that's supposed to be carcinogenic." "Aren't we lucky we're in Austria then?" "Tourist board inspection." "We're here to check the sauna railings." "The sauna railings." " Precisely." "You don't have any?" "But... what for?" "The older guests want to keep up with the young ones sit on the highest bench and..." "That's why you need sauna railings." "You do have older guests?" "Well yes." "But... we don't have a sauna." "Do you have a wine cellar?" "We'll have a look at those railings." "Absolutely." "Fire doors?" " You didn't know?" "Shocking." "You need a fire door between the bedroom and bathroom." "The guests take a shit at night a smoke to help it along read the paper while they're at it and burn to death." "Fire doors a must." "In that case we'll have to inspect everything really carefully." "Absolutely." "Where's the wine cellar?" "What does the name of the town 'Sieghartskirchen' tell you?" "Simple." "Sieghart turned up in the Middle Ages went over to the church and pissed." "So they called it 'Siegharts-Kirchen'." " Precisely." "Want to see a photo of my girlfriend?" "Sure." "Good-looker." "When she's wearing makeup." "Put this on." "Pure delight." "Terrific." "I'm sorry to tell you that your handling of the room keys was unprofessional." "One hand behind your back!" "Show me you can do it." "Shoelace is untied." "Do it up look smart." "Take your shoes off." "I want to see if your socks stink." "Varicose veins in the catering trade." "Have to do something about those." "He doesn't mean it." "Good night." "No harm intended." "What's going on?" "Will you be much longer?" "I don't know." "It's incredible." "One toilet for the whole floor." "It's just like tourism in Albania..." "I can't go if you're standing outside." "Why can't you go if I'm standing outside?" "I just can't." "Piss in the sink." " What?" "By day I inspect sinks and by night I piss in them?" "Don't take it personally." "I just don't like it when I come out of the bathroom and it stinks of me." "Then someone I know goes in." "Know what I mean?" "Completely." "I don't like going into the bathroom when it stinks either." "Only I don't care whether I know the person or not." "Sometimes I get worried that I've forgotten to flush it." "One of lifes great traumas." "Were you always worried that yours was too big?" "What?" " Your thingy." "No..." "I always thought mine was too small." "Because it looked shrivelled after I'd showered." "I was kissing a girl at the pool once when I was 15 and I got this swelling and this little Yugoslav boy was sitting there and said" ""Cucumber big hard!"" "Ever since then I've been embarrassed." "I had my first orgasm in the gym while I was climbing a rope." "By accident." "Do you know mine won't stay so long any more?" "Stay what?" "Well ... hard." "After a few minutes it goes limp again." "Don't worry that's psychosomatic." "I hope so." "I thought it might come from all that... you know too much... playing with yourself..." "I did it a hell of a lot as a kid  never really stopped actually." "D'you think it's normal?" "You never know do you?" "D'you know you're the only person since my mother that I've been able to shit next to?" "That's wonderful!" "Let's be friends!" "Kurtl." "Heinzi." "That reminds me of my last holiday with Karin." "We always got up before sunrise and went for a swim." "There were just a few lights from the fishing boats and you'd swim out and the whole sea was red." "In Rhodes we saw the sunrise too." "On the last day." "We had to get up at 5 a.m. It was one of those... cheap flights via Hungary." "It's coming." "Come on out it's real easy." "Come on Heinzi come on!" "It's real easy!" "What if someone sees us?" "What's the matter?" "You'll be all right by the time you get married." "We have here an interesting case." "A suspected rare form of testicular..." "The CT scan... is being performed to evaluate the possible involvement of the parailiac and portal lymph nodes." "However the findings will have no therapeutic consequences... due to sonographically identified hepatic secundaria." "Shove him in." "Excuse me..." "I've still got my stud in." "ls that OK?" "Everything OK?" "A bit constipated." "Lying there on your butt while others slave away." "I wouldn't mind being in your place." "It's wonderful here." "What about the nurses?" "Everything under control?" "Travelling alone today?" "No Schremser's on with me now." "Why?" "I'll be out tomorrow." "Just for two or three days so you can rest." "I don't have to rest." "I'm in top form." "The thing is the physician has my results in his desk and is off on vacation helicopter skiing in Canada." "They said if he'd gone away then it wouldn't be anything serious." "Right..." "Is it still swollen?" "A bit." "But it's not my prostate." "I can piss all right." "Then what is it?" "I brought some strawberries." " Great." "From the garden?" "No from the freezer." "But they taste fresh." "Hello Willi boy." "Why hasn't Willi got water?" "Finally!" "It's you in person." "Great." "Who's that man that keeps leaving messages on my answering machine?" "I think it's great..." "that you can be so open about it..." "You want to split up?" "Uh... what about our condo?" "Do you want to build a partition?" "Anyway I'm having a great time." "Taking a few days off and..." "You know what I should have done?" "Fucked you senseless." "Over the freezer against the radiator in the closet..." "So darling that's it." "Thanks bye." "So?" "This room is for patients only." "Visiting time is tomorrow from 4 to 5 p.m." "You want some orange juice?" "I'm OK with my barium sulphate." "What sort of swelling is it?" "And who are you?" " I'm a friend of his I work with him." "You have to wait until the doctor speaks to the patient." "So the doctor talks with him and then..." "I see." "Look... what could it be?" "It could be a lot of things." "Anything's possible right?" "And... a swelling like that will go down again right?" "That was a foul." " No way!" "Penalty!" "That wasn't in the penalty area!" " Come on!" "You're a cheat!" "You cheat at cards you cheat at..." "Goal!" " No way!" "Hey you'll get me into trouble!" "Sorry." "There's no penalty outside the penalty area." "Have another donut?" "Thanks." "Is it still visiting time?" "Put this on or the patients will start complaining." "They asked me if I was into horizontal bar exercises... or if I'd worn tight pants." "I always thought it was too big." "But my pants were too tight!" "Sure." "Jeans and all that." "That was something on the rounds today." "That Fellner guy." "The one with testicular cancer?" "He asked if there was anything homeopathic he could take." "He doesn't feel anything." " I don't think he knows yet." "Funny he hasn't been told yet." "It must be awfully difficult telling somebody... he's only got 2 weeks left." " I'm not gonna tell him." "Doctor!" "Excuse me." "I've been so tired the last two days." "Don't you think it could be a side-effect of that 'Spirobon'?" "There you are." "The doctor's just been here." "What did he say?" "He threw me out of the nurses' room." "I'm so stiff today." "Don't worry." " I'm not worried." "It's probably some kind of germ or something some kind of virus." " l've always been faithful." "I didn't mean... no... nothing dangerous some kind of plankton... that got in somehow." "That's all..." "Don't worry." " I'm not worried." "Modern medicine is incredible they've got everything under control." "They've got something for everything..." "They've invented this cough medicine... you take the drops and 3 minutes later your cough's gone." "I don't have a cough." " They can work wonders... 'ill weeds grow apace'." " What d'you mean?" "You always make these stupid remarks." "It's a saying 'ill weeds grow apace' is a saying." "I didn't mean to..." "Stop pawing me you'll give me a concussion." "Have you been drinking?" "Come on Willi." "C'mon boy you can make it." "68 7 9 99." "Thanks for your help." "Lao-tsu for instance says:" "Wait by the river till the corpse of your enemy drifts past." "Because the Indians throw their dead into the river." "Imagine if they did that here." "It would ruin the tourist industry." "Ace and forty." "My sixth point." "Thank you." "Or Ghandi for instance in that movie." "First he was a lawyer then he knitted wool." "The English slapped him in the face..." "he didn't care." "He knew he'd be a tulip in his next life and the Englishman a daisy." "Schremser's waiting." " What's it like with Schremser?" "You can't talk to him." "He's kind of primitive." "Need anything?" "Orange juice maybe?" "A television or a radio?" "Need anything?" "Got everything?" "If you need anything just call." "Bananas maybe?" "Good boy Willi." "Wait..." "For your birthday." "Thanks." "Heinzi!" "I'm going away for a few days." "When?" "Tomorrow." "You knew right?" "Why didn't you say anything stupid?" "I saw the doctor." "He said "Cancer" I said "Great!"" "What about the strawberries?" "They're fantastic really great!" "Nowadays they have new..." "Cancer has lost a lot of it's impact..." "Eat with me." "Drink with me." "But don't lie to me." "I can't stand it." "I'm just matter see I won't die." "In 2 weeks I'll be another sort of matter more like strawberries." "Why did I become a human being and someone else a chicken?" "Hard to say." "One person becomes this another that." "Once you become something there's nothing you can do." "Would it have been better if I'd been born a woman?" "Having a period every month isn't a bowl of cherries either." "In India for instance... because they believe in reincarnation the question of emancipation doesn't even arise." "One time you're a man the next time a woman." "That's why they burn the widows there." "So they can become a man quicker." "Tough if there isn't any." "Any what?" " Reincarnation." "No of course there is." "I was just talking." "Sure there is." "Where d'you think it all comes from then?" "Where does the rain come from?" "From the clouds." " Where do the clouds come from?" "From Ireland mostly." "And where does Ireland come from?" "You're right." "There is something." "Don't be sad." "I'll be back." "As a different person and you'll recognize me right away." "We'll do everything we have no time for now." "We'll go to the "Prater"" "ride on the miniature railroad go to the sex museum get ice cream all over our clothes and drive bumper cars till our knees are blue." "It's a deal." "Give me one of those." "A bit strong." "If I were a smoker and I had cancer that would be great." "At least then I'd know why." "One thing gets me." "I've always wanted to play an instrument." "Maybe in my next life." "I'll get you one now!" "What d'you want?" "Guitar banjo?" "No don't bother." "I was thinking of a church organ." "And I wish I'd been to India." "What?" "You've never been to India?" "I wanted to go after high school but then I got this job." "It wasn't meant to be." "Look..." "That's where l'll be soon." "I'd like to be in the upper right-hand corner." "Can you fix that for me?" "Sure." "I never could stand sitting in those restaurants... in the middle of the room surrounded by everybody else." "I hate that." "Where d'you think you're going?" "Food inspection." "Where's the canteen?" "It's closed." "Where are you..." " Is that sandwich from the canteen?" "Did it taste funny?" "Is there anything wrong?" "I'd throw it away to be on the safe side." "It's instant nasi goreng but..." "I made the rice." " Great." "Do you think I should be cremated?" "The trouble is I'm claustrophobic." "I even have problems in my condo." "Maybe ashes in an urn feel less cramped..." " knife and fork please - than a corpse in a coffin." "Hard to say how one would feel as ashes." "Actually I'm glad it's cancer." "It could be much worse." "Sure much worse." "You can be glad that..." "For instance..." "Blind!" "Being blind must be terrible." "I'd rather be deaf at least then you can see..." "Or tetanus." "For weeks you feel nothing then you start grinning like this." "You can't control your muscles any more they go into spasm and you die of exhaustion in the crab position." "Just imagine... an island full of tetanus cases half of them grinning half doing the crab." "Cancer's definitely better." "Cancer is wonderful." "If you die quickly you can't... experience all those things like... apricot jam on fresh white bread." "Shaving-cream on your skin... warm summer rain" "the wind blowing through a pine forest a woman... a child..." "Or simply that feeling... on the last day of your vacation going down to the beach... and looking out over the sea and knowing... it's the last time till next year." "Why me?" "Why not you you bastard?" "You're finished." "Your wife doesn't give a shit." "Why me why not you?" "Your son hates you." "He isn't even yours!" "Why not you you shit?" " Cut it out!" "You idiot I'm not dying." "It's you who's dying!" "Don't give up." "No matter what." "Just don't give up." "It's like in Vienna with the tram." "Sometimes I run for the tram... and I miss it by a split second." "And I think "fucking public transport"!" "Then I start walking and after twenty yards I turn round and see that just behind the tram I missed" "there was another one coming but I won't get that one now either because I started walking." "Do you see what I mean?" "Heinzi you're an idiot." "But I'm glad you're here with me and not somebody else." "How come?" "Because you don't understand a thing." "And that's wonderful." "Look what I got you." "Look you press that there then you get... beat and swing and charleston... I just want to play a simple tune." " What?" "A simple tune." "Wait you have to..." "Oh come on..." "Now I've done that too." "Yesterday I took Willi to the woods." "Just Willi and me." "It was great." "Willi was so happy." "He hates being home too." "Animals are really wise." "They know when they're going to die." "Except perhaps when they're run over by a car." "I think even then... lt was so beautiful yesterday." "The sun made these beautiful shadows... through the leaves onto the moss." "It was great." "You could hear this stream kind of babbling." "A forest like that... would be so nice." "Look..." "Over there are the mountains." "I went there with my godmother." "She died two years ago." "I'll be seeing her again soon." "D'you know who I'd like to see?" "My grandpa." "I loved him best of all the family." "He always played with me." "He taught me rude songs." "We annoyed the whole family with them." "What kind of songs?" " Just little songs..." "Oh Tannenbaum Oh Tannenbaum" "I fart so much It's killing me." "I try so hard To keep them in" "They just come out and stink like fuck." "That was grandpa." "My grandpa made me the happiest I've ever been." "He gave me a pedal car for Christmas." "A red one." "No!" "That's incredible!" "That's exactly what I got too." "A red pedal car with black tires." "That was my best Christmas ever!" "Great." "Did you drive all round the house like crazy too?" "I was totally exhausted..." "the next morning I couldn't move my legs." "My parents took me to hospital." "They thought I had polio." "But I had muscle cramps from all the pedaling." "Did I tell you about that friend of mine?" "He had an operation appendix and he was recovering nicely then he takes a walk on the hospital grounds and gets run over by an ambulance." "Don't give up." "Whatever happens just don't give up." "It's like with old Willi." "He lies there and you think he'll never get up again and then suddenly he'll struggle to his feet to fetch a stick." "Come on Kurti." "C'mon boy you can make it." "You know what I learned from you" "I learned that..." "That's the way it is."