"Here's what you missed." "Will's dating the hot substitute, Holly Holliday." " She's sassy." "You can see why he's into her." " Sexy!" "Quinn and Finn are back together in a big way, and so is the Glee Club." "They did original songs, and now they're headed to New York." " Get out!" " Sue thinks Will made her lose at nationals... and she's gone over the edge, even for her, and that's saying something." "And that's what you missed on Glee." "All right, we need $5,000 to pay for our trip to nationals in New York." "What happened to the money that we got from the Cheerios?" "I guess Sue was hiding it in offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands... and we're having some trouble accessing some of it." "Any of it." " This is saltwater taffy." " I love saltwater." "When I was a student here, we paid for our entire trip to nationals selling this... classroom to classroom, door to door." "We pushed this stuff like crack." "And so will we." "So to make $5,000 at 25 cents apiece... we need to sell 20,000 pieces of taffy." "Wait." "Do you honestly think that we can sell 20,000 anythings?" "We won regionals for the first time since dinosaurs roamed the planet... and I still got a freakin' cherry ICEE facial." "Oh, my God." "I'm so sorry." "Yeah, Santana's right." "Nobody cares about us." "I can't listen to this." " Mike, are you okay?" " No." "You guys complain all the time about being mistreated... but you have no idea what it's like to work your butt off for something... and have everyone, even your friends, ignore you." "I'm so trying to remember his name right now." "Artie, Tina, Brittany and I are on the Brainiacs." "Isn't that the Academic Decathlon team?" " We have one of those?" " Yes, we do." "And the four of us went on the Smarty Pants Show... and beat Carmel High to go to the Academic Decathlon finals in Detroit next week." "You guys were on TV?" " Why didn't you tell us about it?" " We did." "Wait." "I" " I get the three of you being on the team." "Is it because two of them are Asian and Artie wears glasses?" "No." "But Brittany?" "Liz Schneider was our fourth, but she got rubella." "Her parents are hippies who don't believe in vaccinations." "Brittany was the only person we could find on short notice." "We bribed her with Dots." "That Sunshine Corazon that Rachel sent to a crack house..." " was on the other team." " I'll take Deadly Cyclones, please." "Right on, soul sister." "In 1970..." "The Bhola cyclone." "Correct again." "Luckily, we had our own secret weapon." "I'll take Cat Diseases." "I won't." "The first known case of this disease was first diagnosed... in Calcutta in 2001." "Feline AIDS?" "Correct." "Bonus question." "Ringworm." "Conjunctivitis." "Kidney failure." "Now, on to our final speed round question." "Whoever buzzes in first and answers correctly... will win the title and go on to our finals next week in Detroit." "Our final category:" "White Rappers." "Sadly, we can't afford to go to the finals, so we're gonna have to forfeit." " Why don't you just have your parents pay for it?" " Because we shouldn't have to." "We're a school club." "The school should pay for it." "It's a matter of pride." "You guys are absolutely right." "How much do you need to make the trip?" "With gas and motels, if we only ate Funyuns, uh, $250." "Which means... we just need to sell more taffy." "I'm sure you're wondering why I called you all together here in the dead of night... when I'm normally out bow-hunting for hoboes." "Dustin Goolsby, coach of Vocal Adrenaline." "Sandy Ryerson, defrocked educator and legendary friend of Dorothy." " Terri Schuester, shrew." " I'm also an assistant manager." "We all have one very important thing in common." "We all hate Will Schuester." "I have a question." "Are you single?" " Uh, I'm not gay." " I don't care." "You're hunky and I'm what they call "predatory gay."" "I'll admit I've been on a bit of a losing streak... having lost regionals." "And if Will Schuester wins at nationals... my role as reigning champion at this school will be usurped." "I'm asking you for your help." "Our mission:" "to destroy the Glee Club." "We'll target their fragile sense of self-esteem... so that they implode long before they can make it to nationals." "And I call this union... the League of Doom." " Ooh!" " First of all, that is a ridiculous name." "And second of all, what kind of a meeting doesn't have bagels or something?" "Wow." "It would be hard to be married to you." " And for the record" " And mixed nuts." "I am trying to move on with my life." "I don't hate Will Schuester." " But you do hate the Glee Club." " That's true." "I do." "And I am looking for a new hobby." "Henceforth, you will be known by the following super villain nicknames." " Sandy Ryerson, you are the Pink Dagger." " Yes!" "You are the Honey Badger, nature's most ferocious animal." "Look it up on YouTube." "Dustin Goolsby?" "Sergeant Handsome." "My code name will be General Zod." "Hold up." "I coach the winningest Glee Club in history." "We're a lock to beat McKinley at nationals as it is." " Why would I wanna get involved in this?" " Because, Sergeant... you strike me as a bit of a tool... who enjoys playing mind games with your opponents." " I really do like doing that." " Legion of Evil?" " League of Doom." " You can count me in." "Although I am enjoying my second career... as a small-time medical marijuana dealer..." " Okeydokey." " It doesn't change the fact... that William took my job." "Here are your beepers." "You will await further instructions." "And until then, we will be known only as..." " Legion of Evil." " I don't think I was listening when you said our name." "Is it league or legion?" "Worst henchmen ever." "I missed you so much last week." " What do you wanna do tomorrow night?" " Whoa there, cowboy." " We haven't even had our pizza." " I'm just trying to get you when I can." "You know... this is actually the first relationship I've had... where the girl hasn't been all over me to spend more time with her." "Well, get used to it." "I'm a sub." "I'm a rolling stone." "I warned you that being in a relationship with me... meant being in a constant state of wanting." "I am both awesome and unavailable at the same time." "Yeah, kind of awesome." "What do you think about my taffy sale plan to send the Brainiacs to Detroit?" "Um, I think it's as terrible as the word "brainiacs," but..." "Okay, here's your problem, all right?" "You're thinking too small." "Okay?" "That crazy ex-wife of yours messed with your brain... and now you think you can't dream." "Okay." "What's your idea?" "A night of neglect." " That actually sounds like life with my ex-wife." " Hilarious." " No, seriously, here's what you need to do." " Oh!" "Ah!" "Have a benefit." "You know how they do on TV when there's an earthquake... or they wanna raise money for, like, a sad disease?" " That's actually a really good idea." " I know it is." "See, your kids are feeling really neglected, right?" "So you fill the auditorium with people who are there to hear them sing, and poof!" "Oh!" "I'm loving this." "And we can sell tickets." " And it is a perfect place to practice for nationals." " And you know the best part?" "We're only gonna do songs by neglected artists." "Because it's a night of neglect." "Can you define what you mean by neglected artists?" "Um, someone whose brilliance isn't always appreciated." " Oh, so you mean like me?" " I mean like all of us." "All right, everyone, next Saturday night in our auditorium..." "McKinley High's First Annual Night of Neglect fund-raiser benefit is officially a go." "Sergeant Handsome, walk with me." "I'm surprised you even saw me." "I was blending in pretty well back there." "Here's your mission." "Word on the street... is that Schuester and that substitute, Holly Holliday, are official." "Break them up." "She's looser than a thrift store turtleneck..." " and probably just as diseased." " Just my type." "Psst." "Ready for my close-up, "General Zog."" "Sandy, how do you manage to enter a building without setting off all of the fire alarms?" "I have to say, with all this sneaking around, I've never felt more alive." "What's my assignment?" "Pink Dagger, I just learned that the Glee Club is performing a benefit concert." "It's just the opening we need." "There's a student club I want you to sponsor." "Heckling- the world's second oldest profession." " Hell am I doing in here?" " Good." "Louder." "In olden times, hecklers provided a needed service to the medieval community." "Pink Dagger, if I may." "Welcome to the very first meeting of the Heckling Club." "You set me up." "You told me I was supposed to come here to get homework help." "Congratulations." "You're all in." "I'm really confused." "I'm totally doing Lykke Li." "She's Björk meets Florence and the Machine, and a promising new talent." "What about you, Mike?" "Mike Chang, Dance Dance Revolution." "I'm tired of my dancing being overshadowed by all of you guys' singing." "It's gonna be just me and my sweet moves on that stage." "You're forgetting about the most neglected artist this Glee Club's ever seen..." "Aretha Franklin." "Neglected?" "She's, like, the Queen of Soul." "I auditioned for this club singing "Respect"... and she's got none since, so I'm doing Aretha." "Awesome, Mercedes." "Awesome, all of you guys." "Those songs are great appetizers to my main course." "Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." It's gonna be our finale." "That's, like, the biggest song of all time." "No, you don't understand." "Celine isn't the neglected artist." "I am." "I was kind of hoping to do the closing number." " Hey, you guys remember Sunshine Corazon?" " You are a terrible spy." "Seriously, with your size, you easily could have stayed in the air ducts for days." " Right." " I'm not a spy." "I heard about your benefit concert on Facebook, and I wanted to perform." "I know what it feels like to be in Academic Decathlon." "No one pays attention to you." "No one cares." "It's not right." "We study so hard." "But you're in Vocal Adrenaline." "How do we know we can trust you?" "Because I have nothing against any of you." "I have 600 Twitter followers." "I can get all of them to come." " How many tickets have we sold so far?" " Four." "No one's interested." " It's just sad." " Please, just let me show you what I can do." "I would like to sing the perfect song about neglect- "All By Myself."" "I'm such a better singer than everyone else, so I know how it feels." "I'm all alone at the top." "Also I'm really short." "So even when I'm in a group of people... it feels like I'm wandering alone through a forest." "There's no way that she's singing in our auditorium." "She's the enemy." "I say we give her a chance." "You owe her, Rachel." "You sent her to a frickin' crack house." "# When I was young #" "# I never needed anyone #" "# And making love was just for fun #" "# Those days are gone #" "# Living alone #" "# I think of all the friends I've known #" "# When I dial the telephone #" "# Nobody's home #" "# All by myself #" "# Don't wanna be all by myself #" "# Anymore #" "# All by myself #" "# Don't wanna live #" "# All by myself #" "# Anymore #" "Whoo!" "# Ohh #" "Go on now!" "# Don't wanna live by myself, by myself #" "# Anymore #" "# By myself #" "# Anymore #" "# Whoa, oh, oh-oh ##" "All right!" "So, can I perform with you guys?" "Absolutely not." "She's just trying to get on our good side so she can spy on us." "You're one to talk." "We told you the same thing about Jesse St. James last year." "And you were right." "This whole thing isn't about us." "It's about helping the Brainiacs." "We need Sunshine's Twitter followers to come and pay for tickets... or there's no point in having a benefit at all." "Fine." "Mercedes, you're okay with being bumped... to the decidedly less glamorous middle spot, right?" "Um, sure, I guess." "Absolutely." "Hey, Mercedes." "Can I have your shoes?" "I promise to give you a dirty pair of my flip-flops in return." "Do you know how hard it is to find high-top yellow patent leather sneakers?" "Really?" "I'm surprised you didn't just give them to me... considering how little you think of yourself." "You're the most talented singer in Glee Club... yet you're constantly taking the backseat to everyone." "Well, what am I supposed to do?" "I'm tired of fighting with Rachel all the time." "Okay." "You're always singing about R-E-S-P-E-C-T." "But respect isn't something you can ask for." "You have to demand it." " And you deserve it." " You don't seem to have trouble in that department." "Right." "But you know what?" "Neither does Aretha or J. Lo or Mariah." "You know why?" "Because they get proof every day." "I heard Mariah makes appointments at 9:00 a. m... and shows up at 4:00 in the afternoon... because she knows people will wait." "But those kinds of demands are ridiculous." "Exactly." "But once you see that no matter how ridiculous your demands, people will meet them..." " you know you have it." " Have what?" "Respect." "And, as your manager, I'd say you're thinking too small." "Wait a minute." "Since when are you my manager?" "Since you agreed to give me 10% of whatever we can come up with to ask for." "Sister, you've got yourself a deal." " Are you okay?" " Yeah." "I will be as soon as this counter's really clean." "I hear that O.C.D. symptoms tend to get worse... when the person is under great stress." "Carl's gone." "He asked for an annulment... which I guess he's legally entitled to... considering we never actually consummated the marriage." "You guys never..." "At what age are you allowed to look back on your life with nothing but regret?" "Is 32 too young?" "I actually believed that I'd have a handle on my O.C.D. by now." "It's just been so long, and..." "I'm so tired." "This your lunch?" "Yeah." "What are you doing?" "One day you're gonna find a way to beat this thing." "Until then..." "I'm here for you." "No judgment." "Just... a friend that you can count on." "Cheers." "So, uh... the Brainiacs asked us to be benefit heads for the Night of Neglect." "And we would like to select you head of talent relations." "We figured you're probably used to relating to talent because you're so talented." "Well, first, I'm honored that you came to me." "But I think it's a little insensitive of you..." " to be flaunting your dating in my face." " Fantastic." "'Cause we are having problems with one of our performers." "A" " I need a bowl of green MMs." "And by bowl, I mean large bowl." " Really a small barrel." " O-kay." "Two" " I need humidifiers- lots of humidifiers, a team of humidifiers... whose only job is to make the air that Mercedes breathes more humid." " We'll try our best." " Shh." "I'm not finished." "Before every performance, I'd like to wash my hands." "And after doing so, I'd like to dry them on a fresh puppy." " Excuse me?" " I believe you heard Ms. Jones." "In fact, if I were you, I'd probably get a whole litter of fluffy puppies... just in case she decides to take a post-show shower." "Stars make demands the way that babies make messes in their diapers." "They can't help it." "What a star wants is to just feel appreciated and respected." "They just wanna feel like they're being heard." "Well, she seemed pretty serious about the puppy." "Well, obviously, hers is a talent that we have neglected." "I can relate." "So leave it to me." "I'll take care of it." "Hello, class." "I am the world's most famous and stylish divorcée, Wallis Simpson." "I was married a bunch of times... and then I fell in love with Edward VIII and made him abdicate the throne." "I had giant hands, so a lot of people thought I was a hermaphrodite." "But that wasn't true." "Others said I was a Nazi sympathizer." "That was true." "Boy, did I think that Hitler showed promise." "Tomorrow we're gonna do Catherine the Great... and her pet stallion Fred, so come early." "We haven't been introduced." "I'm Dustin Goolsby, coach of Vocal Adrenaline." "Oh." "So you're the big competition at nationals." "Well, thank you very much for volunteering your star for our Night of Neglect benefit." "What are you talking about?" "I never approved that." "Let me cut to the sexy chase." "Think about how many more years you have left of productive ovulating." "Those aren't eggs in those fallopian tubes." "They're rare exotic pearls." " Oh, so you're trying to seduce me." " Jackpot." "This hairline is 85% my own and my sperm count is off the charts." "Well" " As tempting as that sounds, I have a boyfriend." "You do now." "Admit it, I'm handsome..." "I'm good-looking and I'm easy on the eyes." " Also I'm gorgeous." " And I'm dating Will Schuester." "Let me tell you something about Will Schuester." "That guy has tiny baby hands." "Seriously, it's weird." "Once I saw him try to pick up a Big Mac, and he couldn't do it." "He had to eat it layer by layer." "Teeny, tiny, wee baby hands." "They're big enough to knock your teeth out." "Well, this is awkward." "Consider my offer." "What offer?" "He was just hitting on me." "Isn't that silly?" "What's wrong?" "Well, we were supposed to have lunch and you don't show... and now you're getting hit on by the coach of our arch rival." "How is that my fault?" "And by the way, I did show up for lunch... and you looked like you were actually having a pretty good time." "I kind of felt like I was intruding." "So" " Oh, man." "I am not the jealous type, Will." "Neither am I." "Look, how about instead of a pointless argument... we rehearse our duet for the benefit?" "I really don't, uh, feel in the mood to do a duet right now." "I think I just have to clear my head." "No problem." "I'll see you at the benefit." "Well, as you can see, we have followed your exact specifications." "Wait." "Where's my puppy?" "She specifically asked for a puppy." "This is unbelievable." "How am I supposed to work like this?" "Don't worry." "Puckerman is out right now scouring pounds for the perfect Pomeranian." "Good." "This is almost worthy of the artist doing the closing number at the benefit." "Well, actually, um, Sunshine is gonna be doing the last number... because she's bringing in hundreds of people." "And so I'll go on before Sunshine because I'm, well, me." "And Miss Holliday and Mercedes will go on before me." "Fine." "But Ms. Jones isn't happy about it." "And in exchange, she's demanding that during the day of the benefit... her feet never touch the ground." " Excuse me?" " Did you not see Celine's wedding?" " Carried in." " Cher's comeback tour." " Carried in." " Gaga at the Grammys." "Carried the hell in." "Um, I'm sorry." "Are you saying that you want to be carried in in a giant egg?" "We'll get back to you." "And that was the Spanish classroom." "And, of course, you know the choir room." "Hey, you guys, you better get in the auditorium." "The show's about to start." "It's gonna be a full house." "Gotta get there early to get a good seat." "We'll be there in a minute." "I'm just showing Blaine around." "Thanks for coming and supporting us, guys." "It's really cool." "Bye." "Aw, you miss them." "What the hell are you two doing here?" " We're here for the benefit." "Don't tell me you're going." " I wouldn't be caught dead." "I was pumping iron in the gym, and one of the guys told me you two were here..." " spreading your fairy dust all over the place." " Will you just give it up." "Live whatever lie you want, but don't pretend the three of us don't know what's going on." "You don't know squat, butt boy." "Hey, no, you guys." "Stop." "Real brave with your fists, but you're a coward when it comes to the truth." " Truth about what?" " It's none of your business, J. Lo." "First of all, anything you do became my business... when you decided to toss that slushee up in my grill." "I think I can take a couple of queers and a girl." "Okay." "See, here's what's gonna go down." "Two choices." "You stay here and I crack one of your nuts, right or left- that's your choice... or you walk away and live to be a douche bag another day." "And also, I have razor blades hidden in my hair." "Mm-hmm." "Tons." "Just all up in there." "Mm-hmm." "We could've handled that." "It was more fun doing it together." " Oh, crap." " # La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la #" "# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la #" "This just in." "According to Sunshine's Twitter, she's not coming..." " and neither are any of her followers." " I told you." "She's evil." "I was just in the auditorium." "There's, like, six people in there." "I say we blow this whole thing off and hit the arcade." "No." "No." "Screw that." "These people paid to see us sing." "What's that saying? "The show's gotta go all over the place" or something." " You mean, "The show must go on."" " Yeah." "Finn's right, you guys." "Whether there's six or 6,000 people out there, we still have to give it our all." "Okay, Tina, you're up first." "# Oh, I beg you #" "# Can I follow?" "#" " You suck!" " Where's Rachel Berry?" "# Be my only #" "Show tunes!" "Show tunes!" "Show tunes!" "# Be the water where I'm wading #" "You're making me barf!" "# You're my river running high #" "# Run deep, run wild #" "# Oh, I'll follow #" "# I'll follow you #" "# Deep sea, baby ##" " Boo!" " Hell, is this even music?" "Boo!" "Kiss my ass!" "Boo!" "Kiss my ass!" "I can't take this!" "I can't stand this!" "Boo!" "Boo!" "This is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life." "I didn't think it was possible for people to hate us even more." "We're calling this off." "Guys, I hate to say it, but I think we have to buck up." "Tina, I'm sorry you had to go through that... but it's actually a really good lesson for us." "That's a part of show business, guys." "Sometimes people can be really mean." "Think about what's gonna happen if we have an unfriendly crowd at nationals in New York." "And I'm sure there's gonna be some Vocal Adrenaline hecklers there too." "We need to find some strength and barrel through this." "I think I may know a way to shut those hecklers up for a number or two." " Take as much as you want." " Thanks, babe." "I'll take two." "And remember, vote Quinn Fabray for prom queen." "And now please enjoy the dance stylings of Mr. Mike Chang... as he busts some moves to Jack Johnson's "Bubble Toes."" "# It's as simple as something that nobody knows #" "# That her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes #" "# On the feet of a queen of the hearts of the cards #" " # And her feet are all covered with tar balls and scars #" " Boo!" "Boo!" "# Well, I was eating lunch at the D. L.G. #" "# When this little girl came and she sat next to me #" "# Never seen nobody move the way she did #" "# Well, she did and she does and she'll do it again #" "# When you move like a jellyfish rhythm is nothing #" "# You go with the flow You don't stop, mmm #" "# It's as common as something that nobody knows #" "# That her beauty will follow wherever she goes #" "# Up the hill, in the back of her house, in the wood #" "# She'll love me forever, I know She #" "# La, da, da, da, da-da #" "# La, da-da, da, da, da, da, da #" "# If you would only listen you might just realize what you're missing #" "# You're missing me #" "# It's as simple as something that nobody knows #" "# That her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes #" "# On the feet of a queen of the hearts of the cards #" "# Her feet are infested with tar balls and #" "# La, da, da, da, da-da #" "# La, da-da, da, da, da, da #" "# La, da, da, da, da-da #" "# La, da-da, da, da, da, da, da ##" " Whoo!" " Bravo!" " Whoo!" " Bravo!" " Whoo!" " Yeah!" " I was all kinds of awesome." " Yeah!" " Terrific job, Mike." " Whoo!" "Hey, sounds like the Heckling Club loved our refreshments." "Yeah, but we're almost out of that taffy." "How are we gonna keep them from going after us again after the intermission?" "By being so good that they can't heckle us." "And I know just the person for the job." "Where's Mercedes?" "She's up." "I'm sorry." "Ms. Jones has not appreciated the way she's been treated... and is refusing to go on." "Let me talk to her." "Don't bother." "Mercedes has left the building." "Okay, you guys go find Mercedes." "I'm gonna go deal with the haters." " Are we in trouble?" " Oh, no, not at all." "I was just taking the opportunity of intermission... to tell you guys what great hecklers you are." "You must practice a lot." "Nah, not that much." "Just on the Internet only." "My posts on NCIS and CSI:" "Miami chat rooms are legendary." " You're kidding." "I've never seen you on there." " You wouldn't." "Because I post as "NCISucks" or "NCIStupid."" "I'm "The Beckster" on the Entertainment Weekly chat room." "And my "CurlyHairinCairo" Twitter account helped bring down Mubarak." "Technology has allowed us to be brutally cruel... without suffering any consequences." "In the past if I wanted to tell someone they sucked..." "I'd have to say it to their face... which would usually result in them kicking me in the groin." "I get it." "We live in a culture of insults." "We're constantly bombarded with these images of people who are richer than us... and happier than us and have more interesting sex than us..." " and it makes us feel terrible." " Preach." "We tear them down to feel better about ourselves." "And we don't just stop with the people who are on TV or in magazines." "We do it to everybody." "And we think that because it's done anonymously... there are no ramifications." "But there are ramifications, guys... because it makes you comfortable with insensitivity." "Do you know that one of the girls you heckled tonight has been crying for an hour?" "Are you saying you never ragged on anybody?" "Oh, of course I did." "I spent three years sending hate mail to Debbie Gibson... until she wrote me back and said that the stress of my letters is giving her alopecia." "And then I felt terrible because I realized it was just my jealousy... that she could fill a mall with her adoring fans." "You guys are great kids." "Some of those insults were rad." "But just think about how you could lift up the world... if you turn some of those barbs into roses." "Intermission's almost over." "Why don't you get back in there and turn some of that jeering into cheering?" "Nah, nah." "I think I'm just gonna go home." "Probably do a new post about how handsome Mark Harmon is." "Me too." "I'm out." "I'm splitting too." "They say if you have nothing nice to say..." "I'll be 18 in three years." "Wait for me?" "Let me in." "Let me in." "Come on." "It's raining." "We've all been looking for you." "Don't bother with the pep talk." "I'm not going back in there." "My demands were not met." "Have you read anything about Aretha Franklin?" "She was a gospel singer." "And one day she went to this show." "Nothing fancy." "It was just a state fair." "And the master of ceremonies hands her a tiara... and calls her the Queen of Soul." "And that's how she earned her crown." "That's how she gained all of her respect." "Not by-by requesting for special pillows or food... but for doing what she does best- singing." "I just don't get it." "Why are you a bigger star than me?" "You always get the big solos... the best songs, the moments in the sun." "Why is it never me?" "I don't know." "You're just as good of a singer as I am." " Yeah, and everyone actually likes me." " That's your problem." "Because I would rather be a star than be liked." "And I'm not saying that it's healthy... and I'm not saying that it's better than being loved." "But there's nothing, nothing that I wouldn't do... for the chance to be in the spotlight." "I just... really wanted that closing slot." "Well, if you want that closing slot... then go in there and take it from me." "Where is everybody?" "Let's get on with it!" "You're a really horrible person, you know that?" "You sound like my court-appointed therapist." " Pink Dagger, I'm gonna need to speak with you right now." " Yes, General." "I had a feeling you might be behind this." "You have no proof." "And now, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Holly Holliday." "# Close enough to start a war #" "# All that I have #" "# Is on the floor #" "# And God only knows what we're fighting for #" "# All that I say #" "# You always say more #" "# I can't keep up with your turning tables #" "# Under your thumb I can't breathe #" "# So I won't let you #" "# Close enough to hurt me #" "# No, I won't ask you #" "# You to just desert me #" "# I can't give you #" "# What you think you gave me #" "# It's time to say good-bye #" "# To turning tables #" "# To turning tables #" "# Next time I'll be braver #" "# I'll be my own savior #" "# When the thunder calls for me #" "# Next time I'll be braver #" "# I'll be my own savior #" "# Standing on my own two feet #" "# I won't let you #" "# Close enough to hurt me #" "# No, I won't ask you #" "# You to just desert me #" "# I can't give you #" "# What you think you gave me #" "# It's time to say good-bye #" "# To turning tables #" "# To turning tables #" "# Turning tables, yeah, yeah #" "# Turning, yeah #" "# Oh, yeah ##" "Frankly, I resent your implication." "I'm a fantastic super villain." "Sandy, I just saw Jacob Ben Israel, Azimio and Becky Jackson... leave the benefit they were supposed to be ruining... together in a car with the license plate "JEW FRO."" "I lost track of 'em." "I went into the bathroom." "When I came out, they were gone." "I was applying a light coat of powder... and practicing catch phrases to use when I really take someone down a peg." "Like?" "You just got poked- poked by the Dagger." "Your job was to crush their spirit." "And had you done that, they would've closed up shop by intermission." "Now get back in there... and question the whole purpose of arts education." "I'm getting back in there." "That Glee Club's not gonna know what hit 'em!" "I tried, but I don't think she's coming." "I need to start warming up." "Lauren, you're her manager." "Why don't you do something?" "My client, Ms. Jones, is not picking up her phone." " Oh." " So" "Ms. Jones is fine." "Wait." "Shouldn't one of us be carrying you in?" "I have only one more demand." "I demand that all of you get your butts out there and watch me sing." " Yeah!" "Holla!" " You heard the woman." "Let's go." "And now, ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Mercedes Jones." "Oh, dear God, I love this song." "# Ain't no way #" "# For me to love you #" "# If you won't #" "# Let me #" "# Oh, no #" "# I know that a woman's duty #" "# Is to help and love a man #" "# And that's the way it was planned #" "# Oh, oh It ain't no way #" "# Ain't no way #" "# It ain't no way #" "# Ain't no way #" "# It just ain't no way, baby #" "# Ain't no way #" "# Ain't no way, baby #" "# Ain't no way #" "# It ain't no way #" "# For me to love you #" "# If you won't #" "# Let me #" "# Stop trying to be #" "# Someone you're not #" "# And if you need me #" " # To love you # - # Say #" " # Say, say you do # - # Say, say, say you do #" "# Oh, then, baby, baby, baby #" " # Don't you know that I # - # Don't you #" " # Need you?" "# - # Know that I need #" "# Oh-oh #" "# Ain't no way #" "# Ain't no way #" "# I'll tell you that it ain't no way #" "# It ain't no way, it ain't no way, baby #" "# Ain't no way #" "# It just ain't no way #" "# Ain't no way #" "# It sure ain't no way #" "# Ain't no way #" "# It ain't no way #" "# For me to love you #" "# If you won't #" "# Let me ##" "All right, girl." "Time for the closing number." "Go bring the house down." "Are you kidding me?" "Nobody could follow that." "The house has been brought down." "That was the closing number." "Bye." " Hey, hot stuff." " Hey." "How are the kids doing?" "They were amazeballs tonight, right?" "They're good." "Everyone's in the choir room." "They all wanna thank you for helping out with the benefit and the hecklers." "Why were you in the janitor's closet with the door closed?" "Oh. 'Cause I'm a sub, and that's the office that Figgins gives me." "Guess what." "I just got offered a job to teach French in Cleveland." "Isn't that great?" "Uh" " Full time?" "No." "Who are you talking to?" "Four months, tops." "Don't you have any feelings about leaving?" "Didn't you listen to my song?" "I told you while I live the glamorous life of a substitute teacher..." "I'm deathly allergic to commitment." "You knew that this was gonna end this way." "Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." "You're too nice for me." "But you broke my record- five dates." "You counted that one we had in the janitor's closet yesterday?" "That was my favorite one." "Mine too." "You think you're ever gonna settle down?" "Maybe." "But not with you." "You're in love with somebody else." "And thanks to my counseling, she's available now." "And by the way, she's totally into you too." "Holly." "Will you come back and visit?" "I thought you'd never ask." "Sandy." "What are you doing in here?" "I tried to be a hater, but I just couldn't do it." "That song and the weed I smoked immediately prior... it gave me a change of heart." " Mr. Ryerson offered to pay for our trip." " Bring it!" "It's drug money, but, you know... it's actually a fantastic way to launder it." "Good-bye, William." "I miss the arts." "I really do." "You just got poked... poked by the Dagger." " Thank you!" " Whoo!" "Detroit!" "Detroit!" "Detroit!" "Detroit!" "Detroit!" "Detroit!" "This is a disaster." "Pink Dagger, not only did you fail to disrupt the Night of Neglect... you funded it in full." "In fact, you were its only donor." "Aretha's my kryptonite." "Sergeant Handsome, what do you have to say for yourself?" "Hey, I did get them to break up." "Who knew it was gonna be amicable and sort of have nothing to do with me?" "I pulled Sunshine out of the benefit." "Don't I get credit for that?" "No." "In my hour of need, Honey Badger, I turn to you." "Your time has come." "At the end of regulation, we're all tied up." "Excuse me." "Mr. Remington?" "We would just like to say hi to our friends in Glee Club." " We love you guys." " Love you." " And now" " Love you." "The tiebreaker question." "The category:" "Hermaphrodite Nazi Sympathizers." "English" " US" " SDH"