" Morning." " Hi." "How was your date?" " Pretty good." " Oh, good." " Aah!" " My God." "Sorry about that." "Okay, really good." "I gotta go." "I'm late." "You're going to leave her with me?" "Don't worry, she's a terrific girl." "Can you do me a favor?" "Could you mention I'm not looking for a relationship?" "That'd be great." "What, are you kidding?" "Just casually slip it in, you know." "Lay the groundwork." "Tell her I'm a loner." "No, an outlaw." "She doesn't want to get mixed up with the likes of me." "That's a lot to remember." "Can't I tell her that you're a pig?" "I'm gonna call her later myself." "Honest." "Chandler used to do it." "He'd make her pancakes." "He'd make extras and leave them for me." "I'm not telling her anything." "It's not my responsibility." "Fine." "Now, where did we land on those pancakes?" " Hi." " Hi." "Sorry, but I couldn't get that lock to work." "Yeah, Joey kind of disabled it when I moved in." " You must be Rachel." "I'm Erin." " Hi." "I don't mean this to sound like high school, but did he talk about me?" "Would you like some pancakes?" "Come on." "Why are we here?" "Okay, okay, take a guess." "The hot chicks?" "Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier you know, for fun." "And I typed mine in, and guess what came up?" "My doctoral dissertation." "It's right down here in the biggest library in the university." "Wow, that's actually pretty cool." "There's also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina." "What is that?" "Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system." "We're so sorry." "You didn't bring me here to do that, did you?" "She sent the chicken back again?" "She said it's too dry and wants to explain to you how she wants it." "I'd like to meet this chicken expert." "Send the colonel in." "Oh, my God!" "Lucky bastard." " Janice." " How are you Ms. Hotshot-Chef-at-the-Big-Fancy- Restaurant-With-the-Best-Chicken-Ever?" "I'm fine." "Oh, what is that on your finger?" "I'm blind." "Oh, uh..." "So who's the lucky guy?" "Oh, my God." "I am so sorry, sweetie." "Are you okay?" "You didn't tell her we're engaged?" " She saw the ring." " Did she freak out?" "She was shocked, but then again, so were most people." "Eh." "She actually has a boyfriend herself." "Name's Clark." "She also invited herself to our wedding." "Clark too." "You said no, right?" "Huh?" "You said no, right?" "She cornered me." "She asked me if the wedding was in town." " What was I supposed to do?" " Lie." "How hard is that?" ""Your check's in the mail."" ""Oh, your baby's so cute."" ""I can't wait to read your book, Ross."" "So she comes to the wedding." "Maybe it won't be so bad." "Think she'll sit quietly?" "Think she'll want to make a toast?" "You don't think she'll want to sing "Part-Time Lover"?" "Oh, my God." "She's not gonna like the chicken either, is she?" "You know what?" "It'll be okay." "She's probably not gonna even want to come." " Really?" " No, that was a lie." "See how easy that was?" "So you would have just lied?" "Yes." " It would have really been that easy?" " Yes." "Do it Saturday." "We're having dinner with her and Clark." "Hey, what's up?" " Hey." " Hey." "Hey, who's your friend?" "Hey!" " Hey, Joey." "Erin." "You're still here." "We ended up spending the day together and had such a great time." "Why wouldn't you?" "Erin is great." "And then there's you guys." "Well, listen, I better get going." " Today was great." "Thanks." "I know." "Okay." "And Joey, last night was fun." "Yeah." "I'll call you." " I'll call you too." " Or I'll call you." " And call me." "Okay." " Good to see you again." " Bye." "Bye-bye." "Bye." "The system kind of broke down, huh?" "Joey, I'm sorry." "I just couldn't tell her all those things." "And we got to talking, and I..." "We want you to marry her." "What?" "She is so amazing." "You have no idea." "Who do you think brought her here?" "Cupid." "She's so cool." "She speaks four languages." "Man, do you know what guys want." "Come on, she's so perfect for you." "She's sweet." "She likes baseball." "She had two beers at lunch." "My beers?" "!" "Look, she's a very nice girl." "We had a very good time, but I don't see it going anywhere." "You always say that." "Maybe if you gave her a chance, it would go somewhere." "I'm sorry, you guys." "I just don't think so." " Whatever." " Fine." "Hey, don't start judging me." "You're in love with your assistant." "You're sleeping with the guy who keeps pigeons on the roof." "Phoebe!" "Secret affair." "People are doing it in front of my book." "I'm sorry?" "My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school." "I went to see it." "And there were students making babies right in the paleontology section." "Oh, my God." "Did you get to see anything good?" "At your school was there a place on campus where students went to fool around?" "Yeah, there was." "In the corner of the library where all the books were that nobody ever read." "Yes, there was." "Great, because people kept showing up." "I think it's like a thing." "Hold on a second." "Fifth floor, against that back wall?" "Oh, for crying out loud!" " So we should go catch our movie." " What's the rush?" "I'd like to see the previews." "The candy." " Oh, hey." "Well, look who's here." " Hey, Joey." " Hey, Erin." " Hey, Rachel." " Hi." "We were about to take off and see a movie." " Oh, no!" " What's wrong?" "Phoebe, we forgot that party we have to go to." "Oh, no." "What party?" "A birthday party." "Whose birthday party?" "Alison's birthday party." "Oh." "And how old is Alison?" "Thirty-two." "Wait a minute." "Why don't you guys do something?" "Look how that worked out." "Excuse me." "Hi, I'm a professor here." "Do you know the paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?" "Well, yes." "Just give me five minutes." "I just have to find someone to cover my shift." "No, no, no." "Can I speak to someone in charge?" "How can I help?" "Hi, I was wondering, is it possible to increase security in the paleontology section?" "I wrote a book that's up there." "And instead of reading it, people are..." "Well, they're rolling around in front of it." "We are aware of the problem you're referring to." "As far as increasing security, I'm afraid the library's understaffed." "I can't help you." "Well, fine." "If I'm the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, then I'll go defend it myself." "Don't you follow me." " Hey." "Hey." " How did it go with Erin?" " Unbelievable." "We had the best time." "Yay!" " So you're not mad anymore?" " No, no." "You guys were totally right." "This was much better than the first date." "It was awkward." "We were both nervous." " Didn't you sleep together?" " Yeah, that calms me down." "And we have so much in common." "She loves sandwiches, sports." "Although she is a Met fan." "Not an issue now, but if we had kids..." "Oh, my God!" "Listen to you talking about having kids." "Oh, my Joey." " Please don't get married before I do." " Oh." "Oh!" "I just cannot believe that Clark stood me up." "He may still show up." "What are you, stupid?" " It's been three hours." " Is that all?" "Let's go on to happier things." "Why don't you tell me about your lovely wedding?" "There was something that we wanted to tell you about the wedding." "It's going to be a small ceremony." "Tiny." "We're not even sure why we're having it." "It's actually going to be just family." "Oh, wait." "You two think of me as family?" "I have to ask you something now, and be honest." "Do you want me to sing "Careless Whisper" or "Lady in Red"?" "How can you say that?" "The Mets have no closer." " What about Benitez?" " What about game one of the Series?" " What about shut up?" " You shut up." "I love arguing with her." " Be right back." " Okay." "How's it going with Joey?" "Oh, okay." "Okay?" "Tell me that you like him, please." "I mean, tell me that you like him." "He's a really great guy, and I know you really want this to work out but I just don't see this having a future." "What?" "But you said that you liked him." "What happened?" "Did you just change your mind?" " Kind of." " Then change it back!" "I'm sorry." "It's just there's no real spark." "Didn't you sleep together?" "Yeah." "Tramp." "Does Joey have any idea?" "I don't think he does." "You know what?" "Maybe you could tell him I'm not interested in a serious relationship." "You mean, like, that you're kind of a loner?" "Yeah, that'd be great." " And maybe that you're a real stronzo." " I'm sorry?" "I guess Italian isn't one of the four languages you speak." " Hey." "Want to go?" " Yeah, let's go." " Okay." "See you guys later." " Bye, guys." "Hey, thank you so much." "Wow." "I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here." "No, just a regular old flying dwarf." "Yes, yes." "How can I help you?" "We were just looking around." "Oh, you're fellow scholars." "What exactly were you looking for?" "Perhaps..." "Perhaps Dr. Chester Stock's musings on the Smilodon californicus?" " Uh..." " Uh!" "Uh!" "Get out of here!" "Meeting someone?" "Or are you just here to brush up on Merriam's views on evolution?" "Actually, I find Merriam's views far too progressionist." "I find Merriam's views far too progressionist." "I'm sorry." "Who are you?" "I'm a professor here." "Ross Geller." "Ross Geller?" "Why do I know that name?" "It's a..." "Wait." "Did you write this?" "Yes." "You're the person who checked out my book?" "You know, you look nothing like I would have thought." "You're so young." "Well, I skipped fourth grade." "I am very, very sorry." " Hey." "Hey." "Hi." " So how was your date?" " Great." "We walked around the Village." "We went to this ice cream place." "Split a milk shake." "Seventy-thirty, but still." "I'm thinking of taking her upstate to one of those bed-and-breakfasts." "Really?" "She said she wants to go?" "No, it's a surprise." "It's gonna be tricky, because she's busy at work." " Oh." " Oh." "Joey, look, honey, we need to talk, okay?" "Um..." "I got the feeling from her that she's not looking for a serious relationship." " Where are you getting this?" " She told me." "She said she's kind of a loner." "Oh." " Joey..." " Hey, Rach, it's cool, you know." "I'm a loner too, right?" "Hey, Joey." "You know what?" "You are way too good for her." "I promise, next time I will tell them you're not looking for a relationship." "No." "No, don't do that." "Just..." " Next time, make sure she likes me." " Well, that too." "Joey?" "Yeah?" " Do you want some pancakes?" " Finally." "What are we gonna do?" "I say we go with "Careless Whisper."" "Chandler?" "Did she see us yet?" "Did she see us?" "Janice, what are you doing here?" "I thought I was gonna go back to my apartment but I just felt like I really couldn't be alone tonight." "I was just wondering if I could maybe stay here with you." "Just I really feel like I need to be with family." "Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice, aren't they?" "Please." "Because otherwise, I really don't know what I might do." "Aren't you just a teensy bit curious?" " You have any tissues?" " Yeah, in the bathroom." "We'll just let her stay." "No." "If we let her stay, she will stay forever." " Kind of like your Barcalounger." " Is that what you're thinking about?" "I never stop thinking about it." "Hey, you guys?" "Do either one of you want to get in there before I take my bath?" "Janice, I'm sorry but you can't stay here tonight." "Why not?" "Honestly?" "Our apartment is a hotbed for electromagnetic activity." "Monica and I have been immunized, but sadly you have not." "I'm gonna need a comforter." "Do you have a hypoallergenic one?" "Because otherwise I get very nasal." "Do you have a cat?" "Because it's already happening." "Eh." "Do you hear that?" "Listen." "Oh, my God!" "Oh, my God!" "You have to go." "Why?" "Because Chandler still has feelings for you." "He does?" "Say again?" "That's right." "That's right." "And that is why you can't stay here tonight." "And probably why you shouldn't come to the wedding." "Feelings." "Such strong feelings." "I mean, I realize that his feelings may never completely go away but you can." "Oh, my God." "I understand." "I am so sorry." "I'll go." "Goodbye, Monica." "I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him." "Chandler." "You call me when this goes in the pooper." "I've got this section covered." "Yeah, in fact, I've got this baby to shine in people's eyes." "Okay, see you later." "I just wanted to show Monica your book."