"Seventeen dollars and 52 cents." "That settles my back taxes for '59 and '60." " That does it." " Gougers, all of you." "Gougers!" "Don't tell it to me." "I make 60 bucks a week here." " Go ahead, lady." "I can wait." " LOUISA:" "Thank you." "Is this where you give the money in?" "Excuse me." "Is this where you give the money in?" "Let me see your form, miss." "I mean, did you make out a form?" "I mean, where are your papers?" "Well, this is the only paper that I thought was necessary." "Oh, I can't take your check without the regular 1040 form." "It's to be sure it's the correct amount according to your return." "This isn't according to any return." "It's just money." " I wanna give it to the government." " Well, this is very irregular." "First of all, this is the Department of Internal Revenue..." "Oh, I get it." "April fool." " Next." "Next." " Oh, no." "Please, I..." "And then I went to see the head clerk and then the assistant to the secretary of Treasury and then the secretary of Treasury." "But..." "But when I insisted on seeing the president well, they insisted I come to see you." "Dr. Svenson, do you think I'm crazy too?" "The name is Steffanson." "Victor Steffanson." "And we never use that word around here." "Now, Mrs. Benson, you just take one of these and try to relax." "You know, Mrs..." "[SCREAMS]" "Pink." "Pink." "They're pink pills." "My husband was pink." " I can't take a pink pill." " Crunch it." "Crunch it right down." "That's right." "That's right." "MOUTHS:" "Pink." "[SOBBING]" "Mrs. Benson you are obviously the victim of some inner disturbance which, well, for want of a better word your guilts have led you to a state of fantasy in which, A, you're burdened with some fantastic wealth and B, you are eager to rid yourself of it as in the ancient ritual of exorcising some dybbuk or evil spirit." "Now, now, now." "Now, this is normal." "[BUZZING]" "Excuse me." "Yes?" "Please don't..." "What?" "Oh, yes, put him on." "Oh, hello, Fred." "You investigated and...?" "Fred..." "The check is good?" "Uh-huh." "Yes." "Thank you, Fred." "I have the strangest tingling sensation in my..." "In my toes." "Are you all right?" "What?" " Well, what happened?" " Well, A, you fainted and B, I poured water on you." "I'm terribly sorry..." " ...but I didn't know what else to do." " It's all right." "You did the right thing." " Do you faint often?" " Oh, just once in a while." "It's the shock of realization whenever I've been dead wrong about something." "The fainting is running away, as it were, from the reality that I'm not..." "I'm not infallible." "You see, it's been the pattern of my life from the time I was a..." "Wait a minute." "What is this?" "Who is doing what to who?" "Or whom?" "Mrs. Benson." "You are a young woman who is worth in the neighborhood of $200 million." "And for some incredible reason, you wanna give it to the government." "You don't need a psychiatrist." "You need your head examined." " Now, out of my office." " No, Dr. Steffanson..." "You said something a minute ago that was very understanding and true." "I never heard it expressed before." "But I want your help." "Oh, please." "Oh, yes." "Yes, the oath I took forbids me to turn away from a cry for help." "Sit down, Mrs. Benson." "It was what you said about my wanting to get rid of my money." " Like exorcising some evil spirit." " Yes." "Dr. Steffanson I think I may be some kind of a witch." "Come, come now, Mrs. Benson." "This is the 19th cent..." " Twentieth century." " No, really." "Every man whose life I touch withers." "Really?" "Mrs. Benson, please just turn over and try to relax." "Go right ahead now." "Well I was born Louisa May Foster in the small town of Crawleyville, Ohio." "Oh, I can't understand it." "I never wanted money." "All I ever wanted was to lead a simple life with one man to love and to love me." "A simple life somewhere in a little cottage." "That's all I ever wanted ever since I was a little girl with my mother and father." "STEFFANSON:" "Oh, your mother." "What was your mother like?" "Mother?" "Well, Mother kept Daddy and me clean." "Neat as a pin, and took us to church every Sunday." "PRIEST:" "So now I say unto you:" "Love thy neighbor as thyself." "'Tis better to give than to receive." "Money is the root of all evil." "LOUISA:" "Mother even had embroidered these very sentiments on samplers for our living room at home." "But we were poor, and Mother found it hard to live up to these ideas." "MRS. FOSTER:" "Good day, Mrs. Jenkins." "Sherman." "Did you see Emily Jenkins, that slob smothered in a mink cape?" "I hate her guts." ""Look what I've got"." "Her husband was a shipping clerk 15 years ago." "Same as you." "Now look at him." "Look at you." "Where's your drive?" "Where's your ambition?" "That's what counts in this world." "Success." "Money." "Success." "Money." "President of the Nice Fellows Club." "Oh." "LOUISA [MIMICKING MOTHER]: "Money." "Success." "Get to the top." "Money." "Success." "Money." "Money." "Money. "" "LOUISA [IN NORMAL VOICE]:" "As the years went by, I saw my sweet daddy dwindle away under this till you practically didn't know he was there." "I began to understand what Mother really meant by those samplers." "You play your cards right, and we'll have more money than we need." "But, Mother, money isn't everything." "I know Leonard Crawley owns Crawley's Emporium and three-quarters of the property in Crawleyville." "But I'm not gonna marry him just because he's the richest man in town." "He's a sneak and a bore and a drag and he's been with every girl there is and besides, I don't love him." " There's no such thing as love." " He's a snob." "He's ashamed of you and where we live." "Why he won't even walk in this house when he comes to call for me." "I wouldn't come in here either if I didn't have to." "Louisa, you turned out real beautiful." "You have something to sell." "Take a mother's advice." "Sell it now." "[CAR HORN HONKING]" " There's Leonard." "You better hurry." " I'm not going." "How dare you turn down a man like Leonard Crawley?" "I tell you, he has money." "You go and get it." "LOUISA:" "Leonard was waiting." "I thought over everything he had to offer." "The Crawley home, the Crawley stables Crawley's department store." "But then there was Leonard himself." "Leonard Crawley was a..." "Hm, how shall I say it?" "Well, that's not fair, I guess." "He was just Leonard Crawley, son of wealth." "Put it down right down next to mine, baby." "Gee, I wish I'd said that." "LENNY:" "Oh, you can use it any time you want." "Just give credit to Crawley." "That's more than Crawley ever did for anyone else in this town." "Oh, by the way, you let your mom know the payment's due on her refrigerator." "Don't give her the idea that us getting married gets her off the hook." "Oh, no." "She couldn't be your real mother." "She must have been left on your front doorstep one stormy night in a cage." "Why are you so intent on marrying me when it's perfectly obvious I'm indifferent to you and all the so-called advantages..." " ...you have to offer me?" " That's just it." "You're the only girl in town who doesn't throw herself at me and scream, "Take me, take me"." "You know, you suggest good breeding." "Heaven knows where you got it from." "But also, you'll produce me an heir and then my mother will stop nagging me about carrying on the Crawley tradition." "Any better reason than that for getting married?" " How about love?" " Love?" "Well, let me put it this way, honey:" "I'm very rich and you're very poor and sooner or later you're gonna come around." " You know the indifference I felt?" " Hm?" "Well, it's beginning to change." "It's beginning to blossom into complete contempt." "What did I tell you, honey?" "I told you you were gonna come around sooner or later." "Gotta pick up the 6:00 town news from my store manager." " The Crawley gestapo." " Oh, yes." "[HORN HONKS]" "Uh-oh, that eyesore." "The only spot in town we don't own." "But it's just a matter of time before old Hopper will come around." "Just like you, baby." "Good afternoon, Mr. Crawley, Miss Foster." " Nice spring weather..." " Make it fast, Driscoll." "Mrs. Willoughby was five minutes late getting back from the doctor today." " Five dollars' fine off her salary." " Yes, sir." "Hopper sent back the answer to your latest bid on his property." "It's still no." "He says he doesn't want to make money." "He just wants to keep his little place as it is." "Edgar Hopper." "I haven't run into him since high school." "Hm, I wonder how many days I'd get for manslaughter." "In Crawleyville, they wouldn't even fine you, sir." "[CAR STARTS]" " EDGAR:" "Hi, Lenny." " Edgar, better watch where you're going." "Yeah, you're right, Lenny." "I was looking at the sun." " Aren't you angry?" " Why should I be angry?" " It was my fault." " Then maybe we could fight." "No sense doing that." "You'd kick the heck out of me." "All that football and golf and tennis and everything." "You're a real winner, Lenny." "What are you, an orthodox coward?" "No, Lenny, I just believe in passive resistance." "LENNY:" "Oh, Mahatma Hopper, I presume." "As a matter of fact, Gandhi and I both got it from this guy." " Henry Thoreau." " You're all covered with mud, Edgar." "I mean, Mr. Hopper." "Louisa..." "Louisa Foster, isn't it?" "I haven't seen you since Mrs. Pritchard's class." "Hey, you've grown." "Or maybe I shrunk." "He wouldn't be covered with this mud if he'd let the town pave that road in front of his property like anybody else." "It costs too much, Lenny." "For what you charge for a bag of cement this town ought to be paved with gold." "Thanks, Lenny." "Hey, I gotta be going." "I don't wanna keep those trout waiting." "See you." "Don't grow any more, Miss Foster." "You're just right now." " Goodbye." " Bye." "[CAR HORN HONKS]" "[SPLASHING]" " Hello." " Hello." "Imagine finding you here." " I just happened to be swimming by." " Well, you scared the fish away." "You can pull me in." "I am full-grown." "You said so yourself." "Thank you." "Sit down." "Here, put this on." "Thanks." "Did you catch any?" "Well, yeah." "Three, including you." "I'll cook them for you." "My clothes are right down there." "Do you have anything to cook them in?" "Well, my baronial estate's right over there." " Is that where you live?" " Yeah, I..." "It's on the simple side, I know." "Simple." "Yes." ""Our lives are frittered away by detail." "Simplify." "Simplify"." "What did you say?" " "Our lives are frittered away by detail." " "By detail." " Simplify, simplify"." " Simplify, simplify"." "A girl who can quote Thoreau." "I couldn't quote him before I went to the library this morning." "I'd never even heard of him before yesterday." "You mean, you didn't swim by my boat just by accident?" "No." "Gee." "EDGAR:" "What is the future Mrs. Leonard Crawley doing here anyway?" "LOUISA:" "Now, whatever gave you that idea about me?" "Well, I don't know." "Everybody in town takes it for granted." " You are engaged to him, aren't you?" " Well, he takes it for granted." "But, Edgar as far back as I can remember in grammar school, in Mrs. Pritchard's class..." "You know, when I sat in front of you?" "I wished that I had had long pigtails so you could stick them in the inkwell." " Did you really?" " I'm not gonna marry Leonard Crawley." "Of course, he'll never understand anyone turning him down." "Especially for you." "Louisa." "You mean, you'd take this instead of all that?" "But, Louisa, I've got nothing." "I'll always have nothing." "I'll always be nothing." "But, Edgar, that's what I want." "Nothing." "To quote me and not Thoreau I love you." "Oh, Louisa." "I'll make you happy." "I'll never work hard." "I'll never make good." "I swear it." "It's true, Mother." "I've married Edgar Hopper." "[SCREAMING]" "LOUISA:" "Whereas Mother received the news of my marriage to Edgar with ill-disguised displeasure Leonard took the news in his stride." "For a while, Edgar and I led an idyllic life." "He went off to the store a couple of hours a week." "But the rest of the time belonged to us." "As I look back on it, I see our life together as a wonderful, old silent movie." "Oh, I'll have this leak fixed in no time." "Well, that old water tank always gave a lot of trouble." "I'm going to the store and get some chicken wire and fix these springs." "You can do anything with chicken wire." " I sure do love chicken wire." " EDGAR:" "Leonard." "If you're thinking of making dinner, I'd be pleased to stay." " LOUISA:" "Hello, Leonard." " Hi." "Well, if it isn't the happy Hoppers at home." "This is the first chance I've had to come over and see you lovebirds." "I saw the Taj Mahal by moonlight, Louisa." "Oh, but I envy you here." " What's that camera for?" " Oh, I'm doing a documentary:" "Slum Conditions in Crawleyville." "Oh, come now, Leonard." "You needn't be such a sore loser." "Well, you gave me up for all this, and I can understand it." "You know, a nice roof under your feet, rain a-face at night all the grass you can eat." "EDGAR:" "Hey, Leonard." "Get out of here before I twist your head off like a turnip." "Well, is this the voice of passive resistance speaking?" "No." "Just get out of here." "[SCREAMING]" "Oh, Louisa." "You all right?" "LENNY:" "Well, another innovation for modern living, huh?" "Instant shower for milady." " There." "Well..." " I'm afraid I'm not a bit handy, Edgar." "LENNY:" "Oh, no, but you are handy." "I could use you down at the store doing odd jobs." "I'd pay you." "You could earn a living." "My wife doesn't have to work." "I'm sorry." "Ed, seriously, Ed, why don't you come down and see me this afternoon, sell me that piece of property of yours?" "Someone could do something with it." "Not you, of course, but someone." " I said, get out of here." " LENNY:" "All right." " Get out of here." " All right, I will." "Sorry to have barged in on you kids, but I'll send a Christmas basket." " What's the matter, darling?" " Oh, nothing." "I think I'll go down to the store for a while this afternoon." "But you were there just 10 days ago." "Well, it's got that chicken wire I want and some nails." "You know it's the end of summer." "People are coming home." "Somebody might want something." "Well, I'll be back." "LOUISA:" "But he never really did come back." "Not the Edgar Hopper I knew." "When he hadn't returned by the next day, I hurried into town." "EDGAR:" "Hop to Hopper's!" "The lowest prices in town." "Unlimited credit." "This is the biggest sale in the history of our county." "Don't crawl to Crawley's, folks." "Hop, hop to Hopper's." "I guarantee you 10 percent off because there's no air conditioning." "This is it." "Right here on Main Street." "Hop, hop to Hopper's." "We undersell everybody." "Come right in, folks." "Instant credit." "If we haven't got it we'll get it for you." "Don't crawl to Crawley's." "Hop, hop to Hopper's." "So all you shoppers..." "Louisa." " What is all this?" " Hopper's Taj Mahal, honey." "And it's all for you." "Listen, Louisa, when that snake rattled into our house, something snapped." "Where have you been?" "Why didn't you come home?" "There you were, mending the roof." "My wife." "Hop, hop, hop, you shoppers." "Hop to Hopper's." "Honey, I wanna get you things." "Dresses and things for the house." "A house." " But I like our house." " What is it that makes a family go to the same store over and over and no place else?" "I don't know." "Free eats." "Free toys for the kiddies?" "That's it." "We'll stuff them and then we'll sell them." "Hop, hop, hop, you shoppers." "Hop, hop, hop to Hopper's." "Come on, honey." "Let me show you around." "Hey, you kids." "Get up on top there." "Keep with the, "Hop, hop, hop to Hopper's"." " This is wonderful." " Oh, thanks." " Terrific." " Thanks for coming." "There's a lot more bargains here." "MAN 1:" "We'll be back, Eddie." "MAN 2:" "Some bargains, Eddie." " Congratulations." " Thanks." "Prices are low, the goods are right, come to Hopper's from morn till night." "We're open till 10:00 every night." " How's it going?" " MAN 3:" "Oh, great." " Good to hear it." "Those are on sale." " Edgar." "When will we ever see each other?" "As soon as this thing gets going, we'll have more time together than ever." "But we had all our time together before." " What about Thoreau?" " Thoreau?" "But you don't want to keep pace like the others." "You heard a different drummer." "Oh, yeah." "I hear a different drummer." "And the music I hear says, "Hop, hop, Eddie." "Hop, hop"." "Well, looks like we've got him at last, Driscoll." "Have we?" "The people seem to be eating it up." "LENNY:" "Anybody will run to look at a freak." "I figure I'll give him three months, and he'll hop himself right into oblivion." "BO Y:" "Hop, hop, hop to Hoppers!" "Hop, hop, hop to Hopper's!" "Hop, hop, hop to Hopper's." "Hop..." "Forgive me, sir." "But we really must advertise." "We must, huh?" "You're fired." "HOPPER:" "Merry Christmas." "And a hop, hop, hoppy New Year." "Merry Christmas." "And a hop, hop, hoppy New Year." "MRS. FREEMAN:" "I bought a lot." "HOPPER:" "You bought out the store." "And it's no trouble at all, Mrs. Freeman." "No trouble." "You can't leave, we leave with you." "Hey, Ned, you drop Mrs. Freeman off on her way home, okay?" "Oh, thank you, Edgar." "And merry Christmas." " LOUISA:" "Edgar." " Be right with you, lady." " Merry Christmas to you, Mrs. Freeman." " Edgar." "Oh, hi, honey." "Excuse me, I gotta get back." "But, Edgar, aren't you coming home soon?" "I'm sorry, we're staying open till midnight." "What's the matter?" "Nothing." "I'm just a little lonely, that's all." "What?" "In that big, beautiful new house?" "Lonely?" "I'm the only one who's ever in it." "Edgar, it's Christmas." "But, yes, and Christmas is business." "Big business." "You're working entirely too hard, darling." "By this time next year, we'll be so rich we can take a real vacation." " Italy?" " Italy." "MAN:" "Merry Christmas." "What's the matter with work?" "Hard work never killed anybody." " MAN:" "Merry Christmas." " Hi there." "MAN:" "And a hop, hop, hoppy New Year." "LOUISA:" "Edgar's hard work included hitting out with every modern sales device known to man." "And Crawleyville was his captive audience." "We were millionaires overnight." "Darling, I've checked the hotels in Rome and I have the reservations for our vacation." "I'm sorry, that'll have to wait till next year." " Next year?" " Yes, next year." "In the meantime, get a couple of art books and a box of spaghetti." "You liar." "You cheat!" " You deceived me." " Deceived you?" "You think I've got a blond tootsie on the side?" "Oh, I just wish you had!" "At least then I'd know you were relaxing!" "You don't even have any feelings anymore." "When we got married, you promised for better or worse that you'd never make good." "That you'd always be nothing." "Well, look at us." "We're so rich we never even see each other anymore." "Edgar, you're " frittering away your life in detail." "Simplify." "Simplify"." "Simplify, "schmimplify"." "A little hard work never killed anybody." "LOUISA:" "Edgar was like someone bewitched." "Like the Sorcerer's Apprentice, he couldn't stop." "Get me 300,000 feet of rust-proof chicken wire." "What is with our order on the Mother Goose Atomic Disintegrator Kit?" "Make them think they can't live without door knobs that light up." "Think big." "Our musical mop, which plays "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" is a failure." "Get something happier like "Stars and Stripes Forever" to guarantee musical mop-up." "So it is just a simple equation:" "Service quotient X plus condensation-atmosphere quotient Y plus smile-and-affability quotient X show in the last three months a sales gain line that has hop, hopped right off the lousy board." "In short, boys, we are becoming, by the figures the big, bigger, biggest." "In re yours of the 23rd, I am impatiently awaiting your order." "Hastily yours, Edgar Hopper." "There can be no delays." "If you insist on delaying you can be replaced." "Hastily yours, Edgar Hopper." "Since your delivery service isn't quick, we're terminating our agreement." "Hastily yours, Edgar Hopper." "I'd like all those folders rushed out to the mailing list by Monday." "Hastily yours, Edgar Hopper." "Order cancelled." "We asked for goods, you gave us promises." "Hastily yours, Edgar Hopper." "All displays in the branch stores must be changed daily and rotated." "Hastily yours, Edgar Hopper." "That is my final word on the subject." "Hastily yours, Edgar Hopper." "I've got to have 10,000 bed springs at once." "Hostily yours, Edgar Haper..." "Heaper." "Hop..." "Hastily yours, the hophead." "Hastily yours, the boss." " I'd like that all in triplicate." " No one can work like this." "The pace is too fast." "We're not machines." " We're human beings." " Miss Bickford, there's no place here for anyone who cannot keep up with the pace of modern living." "You are fired." "[PHONE RINGS]" "Yes?" "It happened." "[LAUGHING]" "Get me my house." "Quick." "You just closed the deal?" "My wife." "Hurry." "Leonard Crawley handed over the keys." "Louisa." "Louisa." "Louisa." "[PHONE RINGS]" " Hello." " EDGAR:" "Louisa, it happened." " What happened?" " The next time you walk down Main there won't be Crawley's." "It'll say Hopper's." "Louisa, I did it." "I wiped him out." "He's through in this town." "Well, I guess that's what you wanted, isn't it?" "EDGAR:" "I got what I wanted." "And I got money, wealth, success, position." "And next year, this town is gonna be called Hopperville." "And how did I get all these things?" "Through work." "Just good, hard work." "Which all goes to prove that a little hard work never killed anybody." "LAWYER:" ""And outside of the bequest of one roll of chicken wire to Leonard Crawley I bequeath my entire fortune and worldly goods to my wife, Louisa May Foster Hopper"." "LOUISA:" "Edgar had left me approximately $ 2 million in cash and securities." "And as Thoreau probably never said, that's a lot of lettuce." "But, my dear, you mustn't think that this in any way makes you a witch." "Of course, it is tragic that Edgar died but one swallow doesn't make a summer." "Your behavior sounds exemplary to say the least, the very least." "Why did Edgar change that way?" "Normal." "Quite normal." "You see, he was the weakest of the tribe who had somehow won the prize, you without really having had to fight for you." "Latent feelings of inadequacy lay dormant until he was triggered by Leonard parading before you in his rich, many colored feathers." "Edgar, naturally, felt impelled to get even more feathers." "And driven by this ego drive, he smothered in his own feathers." "It happens every day, you know." "Tell me, what happened to the other feather..." "Fellow." "This Leonard?" "I never heard from him again." "Oh." "Dr. Steffanson..." "[SCREAMING]" "Louisa." "I'm sorry." "Just relax." "Oh, I'm terribly sorry." "There." "Now, please, please." " Just relax." " Yes." "Try to relax." "You were saying about Leonard." "Leonard." "Where did Leonard go?" "Uh, well he just walked away like a plucked chicken." " Normal." "Quite, quite normal." " Yes." "Well, I..." "I put all the money in the bank..." " ...and I gave the house to Mama." " Uh-huh." "And I took a small allowance for myself..." " ...and I got out of Crawleyville." " Mm-hm." "I took a trip to Europe." "Alone." "To Paris." "I wanted to forget, and I was determined never to marry again." "LOUISA:" "The bus tours were thrilling and exhausting." "[YELLING IN FRENCH]" "[HORNS HONKING]" "[SPEAKS FRENCH POORLY]" "LARRY:" "I ain't got all day, lady." "Where do you wanna go?" " Oh, you speak English." " LARRY:" "All of us foreigners do." "It's compulsory." "You American?" "No, lady, I'm a Russian spy for the CIA." "Well, what'll it be?" "Go to the American ghetto or the bar of the George V, or go visit some of your phony friends learning about life at Les Deux Magots." "Well, frankly, I'd like to do either but I don't know anybody here." "[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]" "[HORNS HONKING]" "Well?" "Well..." "I think I'd like to see some more pictures." "I've been to the Louvre." "That was wonderful." "The Louvre." "Now, what is that?" "It's a garbage pail of the arts." "[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]" "Well..." "How about the show at the Galeries Lafayette?" "That's a department store." "But I'd rather hang up one of their face towels than some of that other junk." "I'm sure you're an expert taxi driver and I don't mean to belittle your profession but why should I listen to your opinion on art?" "Because I happen to be one of five people today who could definitely be called an artist." "Maybe six including Frieda." " Who's Frieda?" " A chimpanzee on my block." "[CHIMP CHATTERING]" "Oh, that's great." "That's great." "I mean, you see a technique like that, it wipes you out." "I go ape." " What is it?" " What is it?" "Innocence." "Van Gogh had it." "But he had to chop his ear off in order to free himself." " Free himself from what?" " Intellectual hang-up." "If we could all do that." "Go back to a life like that." "Uncluttered, unhung." " Simple." " Oh." "LARRY:" "Frieda had the best teacher in the world." "Rene Carrere, there." "I'm very happy to meet you, Mr. Carrere." "I'm Louisa May Hopper." "You don't look anything like the Emile Desjardins..." " ...it said you were in your cab." " The name is Larry Flint." "I take Emile's cab out for him once a year." "The day his wife has a baby." "Frieda is finished now." "It's a masterpiece." "Boy!" "Look at the line and the color and the sweep and the texture." "Marvelous." "A testament to the human spirit." "Total primitive articulation." " Does Frieda's work sell?" " Sell?" "!" "You think Frieda cares whether her work sells?" "You think I care if my work sells?" "Typical American yardstick, the eternal buck." " That's why I left the place." " Well, Mr. Flint, I was only asking." "And banan..." "[GUNSHOT] [SCREAMS]" "What's that?" "LARRY:" "She's at it again." "LOUISA:" "Is someone being murdered?" "Are we going to the police?" "[GUNSHOTS]" "Hey, Larry." "She's shot three already." "Hey, Polly." "You're working again." "For weeks I thought I couldn't paint again and now suddenly it's all come back." "One of the greats." " That picture makes me sick." " Thank you." "Thank you very much." "Good." "Feel sick." "It should make you feel sick." "It's destruction, pure and simple." "That's what today is about." "That technique is her way of expressing it." "LOUISA:" "What was I doing in Paris, 4500 miles away from home?" "It was fate." "I had come to meet Larry Flint an unspoiled, dedicated artist." "Searching, in his own troubled way, for the simple life." "Suddenly I knew I wanted to share that life." "Well, I never did go back to the Ritz." "I'll never forget the wedding." "Frieda made a lovely bridesmaid." "As a matter of fact, she caught the bridal bouquet and ate it." "For a while, Larry and I led an idyllic life." "As I look back on it, it all seems like one of those wickedly romantic French movies." "[SINGING "FRERE JACQUES"]" "LARRY:" "Louisa!" "To your health, Louisa!" "[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]" "LOUISA:" "The rest of the time, I kept the house." "[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]" "This week's dinner." "Darling, beautiful." " How did you...?" " Opus 752." "But, darling, that's one of your most beautiful paintings." "Well, we can see it at the butcher shop." "Blanchard has it hanging over the tripe and sweetbreads." "I've told you many times in the United States..." "Won't touch it." "Not a nickel." "Money corrupts." "Art erupts." " That's a beautiful saying." " It's immortal." "I just made it up." "Hey, say, listen." "Why don't you bring some of that downstairs for me?" "I've got some erupting to do." "[CLATTERING]" "[MACHINE SIREN WAILING]" "[HONKING]" "[CLANGS]" "[RINGING]" "Darling, your soup's on." "Soup." "Darling, must you make so much noise when you paint?" "Ain't no other way, honey." "Tools of my trade, like I told you, see." "The sound, the sonic vibrations, they go in there." "That gets transmitted to that photoelectric cell which gives those dynamic impulses to the brushes and the arms." "And it's a fusion of the mechanized world and a human soul." "That's the only affirmative statement being made in art today." "I'm sorry, I forgot." "It's a terrible thing being so dumb." "You're really not so dumb, honey, because to tell the truth I don't understand it myself." "[GROANS]" "I left the machine on." "LOUISA:" "Larry." "Larry." "I know this probably sounds stupid to you but what if we take a record and we put it on..." " ...and we play it through the..." " The sonic palette." "The sonic palette." "LARRY:" "Silly kid." "Go ahead." "Mendelssohn's "Spring Song"." "It's my favorite." "[MENDELSSOHN'S "SPRING SONG" PLAYS]" "Larry." "Larry." "I like the ones you make with your own noises." "They're the real you." "Yeah, but I hate to waste a good canvas." "So I might try to pay a bill with it." "Maybe the butcher won't know the difference between a real Larry Flint and a Mendelssohn." "Hey, Louisa." "Hey." "Guess what." " What, darling?" " I didn't leave it at the butcher's." "I was showing it to him, and there's this customer buying pig's knuckles so he looks at the picture, and then he puts on his glasses and he gives me his card, and he gives me 40,000 francs." "That's almost $200." "Why, that's wonderful, darling." "All from that silly little idea." "Yeah, well, I gotta go downstairs and get to work." "I'll be listening for all those dear, funny, little noises." "[CLATTERING]" "[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]" "[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]" "LOUISA:" "The show was a smashing success." "Larry was famous and rich overnight." "In the middle of this excitement, I was filled with apprehension although I tried to conceal it." " Congratulations, master." " I am insufferably honored." "[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]" " Frieda and I are very happy." " At last, painting which is music and music which is painting." "How do you do it?" "Oh, how can anyone explain the workings of the inner man?" "Actually, the act of creation might best be described as pure animal instinct." "If only Beethoven were alive to just hear this painting." "Yes." "Poor Ludwig." "I think he'd be very pleased." "Your paintings make me want to kneel, pray and cry." "In that case, baroness, why don't you buy one?" "Then you can kneel and pray and cry at home." " Sensation, master." " Please." "Please." "Please, let me introduce you to all Paris." "Thank you." "But me wife and I don't think much of the high places." "We'll go back to our little garage and attic." "I got work to do." "[LAUGHING]" "[BURPS]" "LOUISA:" "But, of course, we didn't go back to the old place." "We had a lovely house on Ile St. Louis." "But Larry was never there." "If he wasn't entertaining at the gallery he was at his studio just outside of Paris." "[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]" "[EXPLODING]" "LOUISA:" "I was tired of being alone." "Tired of wearing these ridiculous outfits Larry painted for me." "What kind of life was this?" "I was just another canvas to him." "Just another walking catalog." "Where was the simple life Larry and I had had?" "That vie de Bohème." "He was obsessed with success." "I had to get him back." "I couldn't let that happen to me a second time." "Suddenly, I had an idea." "[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]" "What are you doing up there?" "Get down." "Down." "What the...?" "Stop that." "Right now." "Stop that." "Stop that." "Come on, now." "Stop that." " Louisa, what are you doing here?" " Darling I haven't seen you in so long." "We had dinner together only last week." "What do you want?" "I have a surprise for you." "LARRY:" "A-ha." "Larry." "Larry." "Larry!" "Look who's here." " Well, how's Frieda?" " Painting better than ever." "Larry." "Larry, we have missed you, Larry." "Oh, yes." "I've missed you too." "LOUISA:" "Larry, we have a picnic." "Some bread and wine and cheese." " And I thought we could all go." " No." "I'm sorry." "I'm working against a deadline." "This is for Neiman Marcus." "That's a department store in Texas." "One hundred and fifty thou." "I've gotta get it rolled up and on a jet by tomorrow." "[SINGS INDISTINCTLY]" "What are you doing up there?" "[GROANS]" "I never should have had these damn things made in Paris." "What are you doing?" "Where are you going?" "Get back in line there." "Stop that." " Stop that." "Get back in line!" " I'm terribly sorry, Rene." "LARRY:" "Get back there." "Get back there!" "Larry, what is the matter with you?" " What is the matter?" " LARRY:" "Get back there." "RENE:" "Larry, why can't it be the way it used to be?" "Larry, I never dreamed this could happen." "What is the matter with you, Larry?" "What is the matter with you?" "What is the matter?" "[CLASSICAL MUSIC SPEEDING]" "LOUISA:" "Come on, Rene, let's go." "[CLASSICAL MUSIC SLOWING]" "One hundred and fifty thou!" "What the...?" "[GROANS]" "[EXPLODING]" "[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]" "Pardon, madame." ""I, Larry Flint, bequeath all my"..." "LOUISA:" "What Larry Flint had left me in cash plus the sale of his remaining pictures brought me in the neighborhood of $4 million in American money." "It was an amount even Picasso wouldn't be ashamed of." "After several months of trying to lose myself in Paris I decided to leave." "I was here an hour early." "You kept me sitting in that lounge, and everyone said:" ""Don't worry, you'll hear the announcement"." "We phoned for them to hold up for you." "But I guess they didn't get the message." " Believe me, believe me, it's just..." " All my luggage is on that plane." "Oh, I had my heart set on getting out of here tonight." "[HORN HONKING]" "[LAUGHING]" "But I can't possibly stay in Paris for another day." "You miss the last trolley back to town?" "Mr. Anderson, should I have the plane brought back?" " No, no, I'll take it from here." " Thank you, Mr. Anderson." "Excuse me, Mr. Anderson." "Overseas call, sir." "San Francisco." "Excuse me." "Hello?" "Uh-huh." "LOUISA:" "I recognized him immediately." "Unbalding, glamorous Rod Anderson Jr, millionaire tycoon." "Up from riches, inheriting 10 million from Senior Anderson's maple-syrup empire." "Unmarried, he seemed to have no trouble in getting what he wanted..." " ...in business or in pleasure." " Buy it." "Thank you." "Well, Mrs. Flint, where would you like to go?" "Sorry about your loss." "I saw you at one of your late husband's openings." "I didn't buy anything, though." "I don't like his paintings." "Well, I don't like your airplanes." "Where are you going?" "New York, Miami, Irkutsk, anyplace you'd like to go." "I flew in from New York for some party." "I stayed about a half an hour and I'd had it." "I don't like parties." "So you just put on your Superman suit and fly away home." "That's right." "And there it is." "Or don't you accept hitches from strange men?" "Oh, I know who you are, Mr. Anderson." "I don't know if I'll be very good company." "I just don't..." "I don't have much small talk." "I haven't any time for small talk." "Excuse me, Mr. Anderson." "Overseas call, Hong Kong calling." "Excuse me." "Yeah." "All right." "Sell it." "Thank you." "Well, where shall it be?" " New York." " New York it is." "LOUISA:" "What was I getting into?" "What was on that plane?" "I looked at the name of it:" "Melissa." "Naturally, it would be named after a woman." "I'd heard enough about those dissolute playboys." "[LAUGHING AND CHATTERING]" "What are you doing after the orgy?" "ROD:" "The plane is ready." " Pretty name, Melissa." " Someone I knew a long time ago." " Good evening, Mr. Anderson." " Good evening, Mark." "Mark, this is Mrs. Flint." " She'll be flying back with us." " Mrs. Flint." " How is the weather?" " It's clear..." " ...all the way through to New York." " Excellent." " ROD:" "Good evening, Willard." " Good evening, Mr. Anderson." " Willard, this is Mrs. Flint." " How do you do?" " Mrs. Flint will be flying back with us." " Yes, sir." "Her bags left on the 11: 19." "You have them picked up at Idlewild and delivered to...?" " The Montclair Hotel?" " Is that your favorite?" "Well, I've never been in New York." "Only for a few hours en route." "You'd better make that my suite at the St. Regis, Willard." " Very good, sir." " It's reserved for visiting executives." "I camp about 10 blocks further up the street on Fifth Avenue." "Willard, have the chef come around and take Mrs. Flint's order." " Yes, sir." " You can have anything you like." "We have some fine wines aboard." " I'll just have my usual." " Yes, sir." "Whatever you have is all right with me." "Oh, really?" "My usual is two soft-boiled eggs, gluten toast and a glass of yogurt." "And, Willard, Mrs. Flint will have the crème Senegalese, Steak Diane pommes soufflé, profiteroles with chocolate sauce and break out a bottle of La Tache." " WILLARD:" "Very good, sir." " That'll be all, Willard, thank you." "Now, let's step into the bar." "I'll make you one of my very special martinis." "Thank you, no." "I'll have a Scotch on the "rotch"." " On the rocks." " Oh, very well." "I was raised on maple syrup, you know." "Cured me of drinking anything at all." " Well, then I won't have..." " No, you go right ahead." "Drink up." "It's good for you." "The telephone." "Watkins, in Chicago." "Excuse me." "You know, you really are rather beautiful." "But is that your hair?" "Yeah, hello." "Okay, you just sit tight." "No, no." "I think Prescott's bluffing anyway." "LOUISA:" "True, there was no orgy onboard." "He wasn't the Diamond Jim Brady of the jet set." "But he was arrogant, cold, sure of himself, ordering people around." "Another object lesson in what money and power can do to a human being." "But for all of it, he really seemed to be a miserable and lonely man." "Why, he never even smiled." "Not once had a smile lit that stony, sunless face." "Well, a tycoon's work is never finished, is it?" " That's what you call yourself, isn't it?" " Absolutely." "Absolutely." "Every morning I get up and say to myself, "Good morning, tycoon"." "I know you don't approve of me, Mrs. Flint but that need be of no concern to either one of us." "I'm going into my office." "I've got work to do." "I promise not to interrupt by calling out points of passing interest or the weather conditions over Baffin Bay." "I'll see you in New York." "Don't forget to fasten your seat belt." "[DOOR CLOSES]" "LOUISA:" "What was wrong with my hat anyway?" "Okay, Mark, I'll take it." "Okay, sir." "LOUISA:" "I wondered who Melissa was." "Some forgotten Hollywood starlet, no doubt." "[PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING]" "I was scared." "I hated being alone during the takeoff." "[PLANE ENGINE ROARING]" "It was so beautiful looking down." "The lights, the sky, the stars." "How I wished I had someone to share it with." "Not this unsmiling, airborne, cigar-store Indian." "Then the fatal thing happened." "I'm glad you decided to join me." "Nice to have someone to share it with, isn't it?" "Beautiful." "Excuse me, sir, telephone." "Zurich." "Willard, tell the gentleman I just stepped out." "LOUISA:" "I never did get to the St. Regis." "We were married in New York, in his fabulous penthouse." "[PHONE RINGING]" "Thank you, Timothy." "Hello." "Yes." "Okay." "LOUISA:" "I felt so safe at last." "Rod had all the wealth and success he wanted long before he met me." "I felt I couldn't possibly jinx his life." "As for the mysterious Melissa I decided never to question him about it." "I dismissed it from my life." "ROD:" "A little trinket from Harry Winston." "LOUISA:" "As I look back on it now our life together was like one of those glamorous Hollywood movies all about love and what will she wear next?" "Remind me to tell you later that I love you." "I'll remind you, if you'll remind me." " Louisa." " Hello, Doris." " Now, Louisa, you look divine." " Thank you." " You remember Peter, don't you?" " Oh, but of course." "We met at El Morocco the other evening." "You play beautifully." "So nice of you to come." "Thank you." "That's a beautiful dress." "I'm glad you like it." "It's my favorite." "My very own favorite." "I want to talk to you." "LOUISA:" "What is it, dear?" "You remind me to tell you later that I love you." " NICKY:" "Rod." " Nicky." "ROD:" "Louisa." "Louisa, darling, here is someone you simply must meet." "Darling, now you know Nicky Cathcart." " Wonderful to meet you." " Mrs. Cathcart." " How do you do?" " Louisa." "I do hope the two of you can come down to us for a shoot." "Love to." "We always get a bang out of a shoot." "Remind me to tell you that I love you." "I'll remind you just as soon as I change my nightgown." "Lord Kensington, Lady Kensington, may I present my wife, Louisa?" " How do you do?" " So nice." " Delighted." " How do you do?" "We're so happy you could fly in for the evening." "I hope the two of you can come down to the abbey this weekend." "We'd love to." "Oh, but, darling, I haven't a thing to wear." "I'm reminding you to remind me to tell you that I love you." "Thank you for reminding me." "I'm reminding you that you said to remind me to tell me that you love me." "Thank you for reminding me." "Thank you." " I love you." " I love you." " ROD:" "Why didn't he tell me before?" " Hello, darling." " I'm sorry I'm late." " You tell him that he's through." "This is total disaster." "How could it possibly happen to me?" "What happened?" "Louisa, ever since we got married, I've been neglecting my business." "I've been so in love with you that I paid no attention to it." "I just let it slide." "Well, I've just been reading these business reports." "Are you faced with ruin?" "I am three times as rich as I was the day we got married." "Oh, no." "Nobody triples the business of Anderson Enterprises but Rod Anderson." "Someone has been giving orders." "Somewhere, somebody in my organization." "Why, that's absolute treachery!" "Someone's been giving orders behind my back." "Imagine that?" "If I want to lose a fortune, I'll lose a fortune." "If I want to triple it, I'll triple it, no one else." "I'm gonna get to every one of my offices and find out who's running things behind my back." "Triple it." "How could he possibly triple it?" "Who can the guy be?" "You spend years training employees, executives to serve you faithfully, and they stab you behind the back." "That's loyalty for you." "Willard." "Willard, you make arrangements for trips to Sydney, Johannesburg Hong Kong and Bombay." "I'm looking for somebody, and I'm not coming back until I find him." "LOUISA:" "I knew there was no man to look for." "It was only me and my witch's curse." "Sleep was impossible." "Next morning, Rod would go out of my life forever and meet his doom somewhere." "I was terrified." "I tried to think of a way to save him." ""Melissa." "Happy days on his uncle's farm. "" "The simple life." "[MOOING]" "Melissa?" "Melissa." "[COCKEREL CROWING]" "LOUISA:" "We had a simple, modest little farm." "Two dozens Leghorns for me to look after." "And a cow named Melissa, Melissa II and a bull named Melrose." "Well, Ma, how do I look?" "Neighbors all say I look real fine." "Wonderful, Pa, real elegant." "Have one more nip of our local cider." "It's my fourth." "I'm not a drinking man, but seeing as how it's welcoming day here's to you." "MAN 1:" "Thank you." "Good day, Mr. Anderson." " Good day, Mrs. Anderson." " Have another drink." "No, I'm driving." " We'll see you, Rod." " MAN 2:" "Come on, get him up." " Come on, let's get him in the wagon." " Come on, let's go." "MAN 1:" "No more." "MAN 3:" "Goodbye, Mr. Anderson." "I'm sure glad I listened to you." "This is our first day here and already I realize that this is what I wanted to come back to." "And you made me do it." "[COW MOOS]" "Uh-oh." "Feeding time." "I'll go feed Melissa and you milk the chickens, huh?" " I've waited a lot of years for that." " Can't it wait till tomorrow?" "Shows how much you know about farming." "You don't milk her now, and she'll be... mooing all night long." "Let's go." "Hello, Melissa, baby." " How you doing, honey?" " Just great, honey." "That's a girl, Melissa, baby." "Whoa, baby." "Whoa, Melissa." "That's a girl." "[BULL MOOS]" "Melrose, forgive me!" ""All the rest of my holdings, cash and securities"..." "LOUISA:" "Several months after the funeral I had to listen to the grim business details." "Rod had sold out everything so quickly that his fortune was pitifully reduced." "It came to a mere $ 150 million." "I felt alone and lost." "And I was determined to live alone for the rest of my life." "It was the only fair thing to do." "Isn't there any way of getting a cup of coffee here?" "SINGS:" "Isn't there any way Of getting a cup of coffee here?" " What's your name, Miss?" " Louisa May Hop..." "Hop..." "Hop..." "Fli..." "Anderson." "SINGING:" "Isn't there any way Of getting a cup of coffee here?" "Asks Louisa May Hop Hop Hop Fli Anderson" "Pretty eyes, pretty hair And she asks so clear" "Isn't there any way Of getting a cup of coffee here?" "Louisa May Hop Hop Hop Fli Anderson, huh?" "That's a funny name." "It's just Anderson." "Please stay, Miss Anderson." "I'll get you a cup of coffee." "Clancy must be out back somewhere." "I'm in here all the time." "Say I hope you didn't think I was being fresh." "That's just part of my act, you know." "I get a list of the customers' names before the show and then I make up little rhymes using all their names." "It's one of my specialties." "That ad-lib stuff." "Coffee." "Sugar." "Danish?" "Serve the Danish." "And for a big finale, a napkin." "There's our Pinky, always at it." "Pinky, ain't you ever off the floor?" "Why, it's Herman Bodkin, I do declare and Ernie Wilkens who's with him there." "I said with a grin, Ernie, your hair is getting thin." "And Ernie answered, "Who wants fat hair?"" "Oh, it's true." "I never seem to stop being on." "Oh, I liked it." "Are you performing around here?" "Am I performing around here?" "Look." "That's me, Pinky Benson." "Can I get you anything else?" "It's on me." "No, thank you." " What's doing?" " I got it, Clance." "LOUISA:" "Thank you." "Say if you're not busy later, would you like to watch my act?" "LOUISA:" "I hadn't decided what to do later." "I even thought of staying in this town for a few days till I made up my mind." "Well?" "Well, uh..." " Well, sure." "I'll come." " Good." "I gotta rush over there right now." "It takes me two hours to put on my costume and makeup." " Oh, really?" " Yeah." "How's it going?" "Well, the management must love me." "I've been playing there for 14 years." "See you later." "Who ordered the well-done, green-pea succotash?" " Here, over here." " MAN 1:" "Medium-well." " WAITER:" "Side of spinach." " I ordered the creamed spinach." "That's better for you." "No cholesterol." "Mashed potatoes, well-done." " One rare hash brown." " I ordered french fries." "Take it back." " You always make such a fuss." " Shut up!" "I agree." "But stuff yourself, honey." "No man wants a fistful of bones." "TRENTINO:" "Okay." "Okay." "Here he is for your dinner pleasure." "Jersey City's own Pinky Benson!" "Well, good evening, friends and neighbors." "Hey, who do we have here with us tonight?" "The Shimkins!" "Rosie Shimkin was able to get a ringside table." "She's wearing a rose in her hat." "And with her is her husband Matt." "And that is that." "Dennis Horner is sitting over there in the corner." "Hiya, Dennis." "And Peggy Norton." "Peggy Norton and her sister Min." "Chewing on those bones like Rin Tin Tin." "So welcome all, welcome one." "Lend an ear and have some fun." "SINGING:" "I think that you and I Should get acquainted" "I'll just come up to you And ask your name" "What I say is, live and leave me alone." "I'll say, "Isn't the weather fine?" "And aren't you really glad So glad that you came?"" "Then after you And I become acquainted" "I'll ask you if you'd like To stay a while" "You'll say you would" "You'll give me a smile Oh, goody-good" "You'll make my evening worthwhile Before our little rendezvous ends" "We won't just be acquainted" "We'll be the very Very best of friends" "LOUISA:" "I could see why the management loved him." "He didn't interfere one bit with the sale of food and liquor." "It was the worst act I'd ever seen." "Just looking at Pinky made me want to cry but he was so happy and untroubled." "And I feel at home here, as you can see." "And in all the 14 years, you've never wanted to play anywhere else?" "Oh, you mean the big time?" "Boy, why does everybody seem to think you have to want to play the big time?" "Why?" "You get to the top of the ladder you're a slave to your fans, you've got no life." "Then you gotta start worrying about staying up there." "Oh, no." "Not for me." "I'm happy doing what I'm doing." "And you know what?" "I teach dancing to kids in the daytime." " That's nice." " Yeah." "My wife wanted me to get ahead." "She wanted me to get an agent, a press agent, publicity, audition." " Push, push, push." " Your wife?" "Yeah, I was married once." "We were a team." "She always wanted to be way up there." "So I let her go." "And today that woman is Greta Garbo." "No." "She married a guy with a lot of dough and she left the business." "I don't blame her." "I don't blame her at all." "I was just a guy who wanted the simple kind of life." "SINGS:" "And that's the story of my life" "As told to Louisa May Hop Hop Hop Fli Anderson" "LOUISA:" "Louisa May Hop Fli Anderson Benson." "Yes, we were married, happily married and we lived on our lovely houseboat on the Hudson." "I told him I had a great deal of money somewhere but both of us forgot all about it." "SINGING:" "Oh, good morning, Mrs. Benson Good morning to you" "Good morning, Mrs. Benson How do you do?" "I'll give you just one kiss Then I'll stop" "Because I gotta give Our little boat a mop, mop, mop" "LOUISA:" "As I look back on it now our life together was like a gay musical number from one of those big Hollywood movie musicals." "SINGING:" "On our little houseboat Built for two" "Tiny little houseboat just for me" "And you" "All alone together" "Only me" "And you" " My darling" " My darling" "On our houseboat on the Hudson Alone, alone together" "Life is rosy on the Hudson In any brand of weather" "Far from city streets And far from hills of heather" "Lovin', singin', dancin' All of the time" "So hey-ho, let's go Life is just a vaudeville show" " Sing and dance?" " Take a chance" " All alone together" " All alone together" " Only me and you" " Only me and you" "On our houseboat on the Hudson Alone, alone together" "Life is rosy on the Hudson In any brand of weather" "Far from city streets And far from hills of heather" "Lovin', singin', dancin' All of the time" "Lovin', singin', dancin' All of the time" "On our houseboat on the Hudson Alone, alone together" "Life is rosy on the Hudson In any brand of weather" "Far from city streets And far from hills of heather" "Lovin', singin', dancin' All of the..." "Oh, anchors aweigh And hit the deck, Louisa" "It's ship ahoy We're on the town with you" "You follow the fleet And tars and spars, Louisa" "For us you are the captain And the crew" "Oh, how we love Louisa Oh, how we love Louisa" "She's sent from heaven up above" "Just like the Tower of Pisa There's only one Louisa" "L-O-V-E" "Love" "LOUISA:" "Then it began to happen." "We were planning a birthday party for Pinky after the last show." "I guess we've got everything." "The hot dogs, rolls..." "Hey, look at the clock." "I gotta get made-up." " You've got time." " No, I don't." "I have less than two hours." "It takes you two hours to get out of that makeup." "You'll be late for your party." "Couldn't you just skip it?" " Skip a performance?" " No, skip the makeup, I mean." " Do it just as you are." " Oh, don't be silly..." " ...the makeup's the whole act." " Here's the lemonade." " Thank you." " LOUISA:" "Thank you." "Mr. Trentino because of the party, would it be all right if Pinky went on without putting on his stuff?" "Sure." "You don't wanna miss your own birthday party." "Okay, honey?" "I'll feel naked." "Well, leave out the verses too." "Leave out the verses?" "Just this once." "Well, all right, on account of the party but I feel funny." "I'm gonna lay an awful egg." " WAITER 1:" "Who ordered the succotash?" " New Jersey's own Pinky Benson!" "MAN 1:" "Let's get out of here." "Waiter, check." "Well, I..." " MAN 2:" "Dropped him in the second." " It was the third." "It was the fifth." "I was there." "Mr. Trentino, may we have relish?" "TRENTINO:" "Sure, help yourself." "WAITER 2:" "One rare hash brown." "MAN 3:" "We ordered french fries." "SINGING:" "I think that you and I Should get acquainted" "I'll just come up to you And ask your name" "I'll tell you mine I'll say, "Isn't the weather fine?" "And aren't you really glad So glad that you came?"" "Then after you and I Become acquainted" "I'll ask you if you'd like To stay a while" " Hey, doc, what do you got...?" " You'll say you would" "You'll give me a smile Oh, goody-good" "You'll make my evening worthwhile" "And before Our little rendezvous ends" "We won't be just acquainted" "We'll be the very Very best of friends" "I think that you and I Should get acquainted" "I've grown accustomed to this place." "What?" "Caesar!" " Cut, print." " DIRECTOR:" "Magnificent, Pinky." " WOMAN:" "Wonderful, Pinky." " Magnificent." "I'll never direct a better actor." "And to think they wanted to put that Welshman in the part." "LOUISA:" "Well, I was still near water sitting by our beautiful Hollywood pool alone." "I had done it again, and I had lost Pinky." "Lost him to fame, fortune, his agents, publicity men secretaries and his adoring fans." "How about my preview in Westwood last night, huh?" " What a gas." " Sure was, Pinky." "All those Pinky Benson fans, screaming, yelling, crying." "The little people." "I love them." "I love them." "And if the studio tries to cut one minute of that film I'm gonna burn that nuthouse to the ground!" "Five and a half hours is not too long for a Pinky Benson fan." " Yes, Mr. Benson." " PINKY:" "Now, about the premiere." "Everybody on the ball, see?" "Hi, Louisa." "Hi, Pinky." "Going in for a dip?" "No, I'm going to Brown Derby." "I got a business luncheon with these creeps." " Ciao, baby." " Ain't you gonna change?" " What for?" " You know you can't get in the Derby..." " ...without a tie on." " Jeez." "And, Pinky, after lunch you gotta tape a speech to send to Jersey City." "PINKY:" "Yeah, you told me." "What's it for?" "MAN:" "Pinky Benson Day." "Big ceremony in your honor." "Citizens are getting together to paint the front of the house you were born in, in pink." "Yeah?" "Gee, that's kind of sweet." " I wonder who thought of that?" " I did." "Yeah?" "Well, here's an idea from me." "What's the matter with this place?" "The fans and the buses go by here every afternoon." "Let's let them know without a doubt which house is Pinky's house." "ANNOUNCER:" "Yes, it is, Pinky Benson." "He's arriving in his famous, all-pink Rolls-Royce." "Well, I've never seen anything like this." "I've covered the biggest of all premieres:" "Ben-Hur, Cleopatra." "But this, Flaming Lips, this is the biggest of them all." "All the greats in show business are here tonight." "The great and the near great." "And all the little people." "Oh, wait a minute." "Mrs. Pinky Benson seems to be wearing a pink all-pink chinchilla coat." "Now he's introducing Mrs. Pinky Benson to the crowd." "Oh, this is fabulous." "The crowd is roaring so much." "I hope you can hear me, ladies and gentlemen." "I've never seen a premiere like this." "Now they're going into the theater." "Tonight, in Flaming Lips, Pinky Benson proved that a comedy can run five and a half hours." "Earlier today, Pinky told us his next film will run seven and a half hours." " Listen to that applause." " You're right, this is a gas." "This is the greatest thing you've done." "Pinky, I don't ever want to direct another actor." "Thank you." "Let's get rid of that creep." "I'll direct the next one myself." "This picture is a cinch to do 50 million at the box office." " Yeah." "Too bad I only get half of that." " Yeah." "The studio wants you to star with Frank, Marlon and Cary..." " ...in a remake of The Four Horsemen." " Well." "Why should I carry those dead weights?" "I'll play all four." " He can do it too." " Come on, let's get out of here." "MAN:" "Break it up." "Break it up." "Everybody out of the way." " All right." " Mr. Benson, you was divine!" " Just divine!" " Now, coming to our cameras the costar of Flaming Lips, Miss Linda Putty another Pinky Benson discovery." "Making new discoveries is the basis of our industry." "And now, coming to our microphone, here she is, Mrs. Pinky Benson." "My wife has always been my inspiration." "Pinky, we'll never get out the front way." "Why don't you just slip out the side way?" "Yes, I guess so, but I hate to do this to them." " After all, I'm what they came to see." " Yeah, come on." "Let's go, Pinky." "That's all." "CROWD:" "We want Pinky!" "We want Pinky!" "The little people, I love them." "Love them." "[CROWD CHANTING]" "Bless them." "I can't let them down." "After all, I'm the stuff their dreams are made of." "I belong to them." "Hey, fellas." "Fellas." "Look, who's here!" "It's me." "It's your Pinky!" "Look, it's Pinky!" "[ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING]" "LAWYER:" "Yes, Mrs. Benson." "I know." "I know." "But it's wills-ville time in Dixie." "And we've got to face the facts, death-wise, that is." "I'll give it to you short and sweet." "You get all the moo, all of it, but there's one catch." ""And so I order to be built the Pinky Benson Memorial Museum dedicated to my fans." "And within it will be preserved all my dancing shoes dipped in bronze and a giant gold replica of my larynx." "A permanent pink light will burn before my statue and in the 15,000-seat auditorium, my pictures will run 24 hours a day." "Everything else I bequeath to my wife, Louisa May Benson"." "Pinky was right." "He did belong to his fans." "Forever." "He was such a sweet man when I met him." "And then came...?" "Well, that's all." "Why, isn't that enough?" "Oh, I was left with another $30 million and I flew right here to Washington, and that brings us up to date." "And I wanna give that money away." "The government's not gonna stop me, and neither are you." "Please answer my question, Dr. Steffanson." "Am I a witch or am I not?" "Well, you haven't said anything for the last two husbands." " You're not even listening to me." " Who?" " What?" " Well, you're an analyst." " Well, analyze." " Oh, that." "Yes." "Now, let me see, you got married to four men for love." "All of them were doomed to success and extinction." "There was Hopper, Flint, Anderson and Benson." "And one man, one man you hated." "That was Leonard Crawley." "Well, that's a very strong emotion, hate." "Say, you know, I think..." "Wait, what do you expect of me, instant analysis?" "Why, your case might take 24 hours a day for the next 50 years." "In other words, Louisa will you marry me?" " Dr. Steffanson..." " If it's simplicity you want you should see my apartment." "I'm a dedicated man of science and I'm so tired washing out my own socks." "What do you say, Louisa?" "Victor I'm honored that you'd risk your life for me." " Thank you." " But it isn't fair." "I simply don't love you." "No?" "But would you mail my check in for me anyway?" "Oh, please don't feel so bad." "Maybe you helped me after all." "I said yes to four men, and I said no to you." " Isn't that progress?" " Of a sort, I guess." "You see, after listening to my accumulated life story you naturally assumed that I'd say yes." "But you were wrong." "Wrong?" "I was wrong." "I have the strangest tingling sensation in my..." "[SCREAMS]" "Oh, Dr. Steffan..." "Victor, are you all right?" "Wake up, doctor!" "Oh, dear." "How do I get...?" "I've got to..." " Please help me." " Excuse me." "Would you please press that button and let this thing down?" "Dr. Steffanson." "LENNY:" "Ma'am, I..." "Louisa?" "Leonard Crawley." "What happened to the doctor?" "Uh, he fell off." "Well, he always does." "Dr. Steffanson." "Doctor?" "Doctor." " Leonard." " Mm?" "You're the custodian here." "Well, now, Louisa, let's call a spade a spade." "I'm the janitor here." " Oh, how awful." " Oh, no, no." "I deserved it." "You know, poetic justice, it's called." " But in a way I ruined your life too." " LENNY:" "Oh, no, you made it." "You know, when I lost everything, I just began to live." "And I'll always be grateful to you and your friend." " Thoreau." " He said simplify." "And you can't get much more simpler than being a janitor." "Leonard you're the only man in the world I ever really hated." "Hate's a very strong emotion, you know." "But I think the thing I hated most was that I knew that deep down under that small-town emperor there was a human being that I wanted to know and you wouldn't let come out." " LOUISA:" "Leonard, lunch." " Okay, Mom." "All right, honey, now you spread these around." "Jonathan." "Lunch." "Hey, look, Mom." "Look what I caught." " Sharks." " Well, wonderful." "We'll have these for dinner." "Now, help your brother." "Geraldine." "Lunch, honey." " Now, don't you drop this." " What do you think I am, a baby?" "[BABY CRYING]" "All right." "All right, help is on the way." "Okay." "All right, children." "You can start your milk now." "Aren't we gonna wait for daddy?" "Nope." "Daddy's finishing the plowing he started this morning." "And the princess had four beautiful children." "ALL:" "Leonard and Jonathan and Geraldine and Butch." "And they all lived happily ever after." "[RUMBLING]" "LENNY:" "Louisa." "Louisa." "It's oil." "It's oil!" "Louisa." "Look, it's oil!" "It's oil." "Look at it!" "It can't be happening." "It can't be true." "It can't be happening." "But it is, Louisa." "It's real." "Hey, look at this." "It's real." "It's oil." "You bet it's real." "And it's ours." " Yours?" " Yes, you idiot." "It belongs to us." "You punched a hole in our pipeline." " It's not ours?" " No, it's ours." "My wonderful, wonderful failure." "Subtitles by SDI Media Group" "[ENGLISH SDH]"