" What's this video for, man?" " It's a concert DVD." "Are they making a video of...?" "Wow." "Dude, I want what you're smoking, man." "I wanna smoke what you haven't smoked ever." "Tenacious D!" "." "Tenacious D!" "." "Hey, the Pick of Destiny." "These ones actually came out of my grandma's underwear drawer." " Is that a fish?" " That's a sasquatch." "Tenacious D." "Long live the D." "This is a song called "The History of Tenacious D."" "And it's not just a list of bullshit from the past." "It's a chronicling of our rise to power." "Thanks for stopping by my pad." "Appreciate it." "This is Kage's living room jam." "You guys could all squeeze in there." "You got a big living room." " I like what you've done to the place, man." " Thanks." "It's got some old-world charm." "It's an expensive crib you got here." "A lot of ornate bullshit from the 1 920s." "Yeah." "Why do you guys have moustaches on, by the way?" "Those are fake ones." "A chick's got one right there." "I don't know." "Why are you throwing those?" "That seemed like you were flinging it like a weapon." "I was, I was trying to cut off the 'stache." "Lee, everyone." "Lee." "It's peculiar timing there, Lee." "One could almost say you were trying to sabotage the end of "Wonderboy", one of my strongest numbers." "Sorry." "Kage, if I take a bow..." "Dude, what are you doing?" "Commitment level low." "I'm saying, commitment level low." "It's strictly post-show fatties." "Don't fucking blaze one in the middle of the show, at the beginning of the show." "And if I take a bow..." "Dude, seriously." "If I'm taking a bow," "I like it when we bow together, 'cause..." "If I take a bow alone, it looks like I'm a conceited asshole." " You're right." " Whatever." "It's too late now." "It's too late." "It's too late." "I don't like to start the show as a sourpuss, but I call 'em like I see 'em." " Sorry." "Lee came over..." " I'm seeing some bullshit go down." "Yeah, what the fuck?" "Dude, Lee." "How's it going, brother?" " Good." " What's up?" "How did you get in?" "Right over there." " I just came in." " You came in the back door?" " Yeah." " Well, I locked that shit." "So what, did you pick the lock, are you a fucking lock-picker?" " It was locked." " I gave him a key." "I can't fucking put it to words right now." "You fucking betrayed me." "I was the only one with a key and we discussed it, that we'd fucking have a deal where we would keep each other on the fucking tip." "Just keep me fucking posted, man." "Just keep me fucking posted who has the fucking key to your back door." "I don't think I'm overreacting." "Yeah." "Who would?" " I'll just watch TV." " This one's for Dio." " I'll just watch TV." " This one's for Dio." "Ronnie James Dio." "I'm back, dude." "I'm back." "I wanna apologize." "I flew off the handle." "Lee, you didn't deserve that." "You are an awesome guy." "You've done so many awesome things for the D." "I shouldn't be jumping..." "Of course you deserve a key." "I just wanna be kept up..." "I wanna be..." "It's all right, dude." "It's all right, dude." "This is a song for Lee." "I just wanna say, Kage, for the record, he did his little stupid-ass break dance, he spilled beer all over the fucking electrical circuitry." "On the fucking electric..." "what do you call that?" " Outlet?" " Yeah." "Oh, fuck." " Outlet?" " Yeah." "Oh, fuck." "What the...?" "Motherfucking saxophone." "Saxophone." "Wow." "Thank you." "Dude, that was solid." "That was spirited." "That was really good." "Yeah." "It was good." "Are you satisfied with that, Kage?" "Apparently we rocked their socks off." "No, dude." "Let me tell you something." "We could have been a whole lot better." " What are you talking about?" " We could have been way better." " How" " How" "By fucking bucking the system." "By doing things our own way." "By taking some risks." "By putting our fucking life on the line, motherfucker." "By fucking breaking some barriers and changing some thought patterns." " What are you talking about?" " By making emotional breakthroughs." " Aren't we doing that?" " No, we're not fucking doing that at all." "What are we doing?" "I don't know what we're doing." "I don't know." "What do you guys think?" "Do you like it so far?" "They're gonna..." "Of course, out of politeness they'll say that." "Let me just really tell you what I'm thinking." " Please." " I think it's time to go electric." "Look, they're saying no." ""No." I don't blame you." " Acoustic's where it's at." " What's the matter?" "What are you afraid of?" "Are you afraid of electricity?" " No." " Yes, you are." "I can hear it in your voice." " What are you talking about?" " Look at that face." " You're fucking terrified of electricity." " I'm not terrified." "And besides, even if we wanted to go electric, which we don't..." "Which we don't." "Don't disagree with me." "I don't even have an electric." "Yes, you do." "I bought you one today." "I knew you were gonna say that." "Let me tell you something." "I know a dude who lives here in Seattle." "Goes by the name of Nathan van Heliotrope." " He makes guitars." " What the fuck is that name?" "He's a luthier." "You know what that is?" "It's a guitar maker." "He's a luthier." "I thought he was insane at first, then I realized he was a fucking genius." "He makes these out of his basement." "It's top of the line." "This shit..." "Listen to me, this thing is state of the art." "He explained it to me." "He makes them with steam, filtration, neutra-tectonic..." " Looks like he makes 'em with a toilet seat." " Don't judge the way that... yeah." "So what?" "A toilet seat." "That's catgut strings." "Do you know how electric guitars work?" "They work with electricity." "You plug this shit in." "And we go fucking into the 27th dimension." "Are you ready for that?" "You ready for that?" "Let's fucking do it, brother." "I love you." "We're gonna fucking do it." "We're gonna shake it up right now." "One small step for rock, one giant leap for fucking Nathan van Heliotrope." "I'm scared." "I like being fucking scared." "Let's do it, motherfucker." "Oh, shit." "Oh, God." "Shit." " Fuck, dude." " That fucking hurt." "Electricity in my veins." "Where the fuck are we?" "You smell that?" "It smells like fucking rancid egg fart." "We're in hell, man." "No, that was me." "Sorry." "Still." "Check that shit out." "Dude, I don't think we're in hell." " We're not?" " I think we're in heaven." "Dude, we don't know." "Nobody knows for sure what heaven is like." "Maybe fucking heaven is red and fucking hot." "Come on, high five, baby." "We're in heaven." "We're in heaven." "What the fuck is that?" "We're in hell." "Shit." "Do you hear that?" "Someone's fucking shredding." "Dude, he's right over there." "It's Jesus fucking Christ." "Oh, man." "Fucking awesome." "Hey, what's up, man." "We're the D." "Hey, we were just wondering, are you Jesus Christ?" "No, I'm the Antichrist." " Satan's my dad." " Oh." " You look just like Jesus." " Yeah, I get that all the time." "So we're fucking trying to get a band together." " Wondering if you wanna be in it." " Yeah." "We've got the Antichrist in our fucking band." "Come on, do it." "I just wish we had a fucking rhythm section." " I actually know some dudes." " Of course." "It's hell." "All the best players are gonna be here." "Come on, let's put 'em in a band right now." " Colonel Sanders?" " Yes." " What are you doing here?" " I killed over a million chickens." "Charlie Chaplin?" "Why are you in hell?" "I'm gay." "I knew it." "Wanna be in the D?" "From now on we shall be known as the Fellowship of the D." "We shall burn brightly, like a thousand suns." "I'm sweating a lot." " Yeah, it's kind of hot down here." " Why's it so hot, Kage?" "Well, we don't have air conditioning." "Duh." "We're in fucking hell." "Let me tell you something." "This has been eating me up." "You gave Lee a key to your back door." "He comes in, he does a stupid-ass break dance, he spills beer all over the electric circuitry, and we fucking die." " It was an accident." " You're a fucking cockius." "You're a fucking cockius." " You can go to hell, bitch." " We already are in hell." "You can go to a different part of hell where I'm not at." "Fine." "Fuck you." "I quit." "Bullshit." "Wait a second, Kage." "Rage Kage." "Dude, please." "OK, I deserve that." "No, come on, dude." "Kaginski." "Kage, come here, I want you." "He's not coming back this time." "It's great to be back." "It's great to be back." "Thank you." "Kage, I don't know what comes over me." "I have a problem." "I'm seeking out psychiatric help." "I have a bad temper." "But if I do that again, man, don't leave." "Just know that it's going to be a phase, I'll get over it." "We'll talk it through emotionally." "You know what I mean?" "We'll work it through." "I got so scared when you left." " Do you hear something?" " Yeah, what is it?" "I hear machinery making modern music." " What the fuck is that?" " Run to the hills." "What is that?" "I think I knowwhat it is." "You do?" "What is it?" "The Metal." "Heavy metal." "Where's he going?" "He's going to a different part of hell." " What part?" " Where the Metal doth dwell." "I can still see him." "He's still fucking hiking." " Man." " Dude..." "Yeah." "OK, I'm gonna officially say it's ten times harder to rock in hell." "It's ten times harder, did you notice that?" "Do you know why, Kage?" " 'Cause it's hotter?" " No. 'Cause we're so far down." "It's the opposite of altitude." "It's undertude." "We got, like, the fucking bends, basically." "We got the bends, bitch." "That's why I can't perform to my maximum capacity." " You look a little beat." " I'll never make it through the set, unless..." "Hey, demon guitar tech." "Hook me up, brother." "Larry, my demon guitar tech." "Thank you, brother." "Thank you." "He hooks me up with the shiitake mushrooms." " You're gonna have mushrooms now?" " Shiitake mushrooms." " What's wrong with shiitake?" " They don't have any protein." " I don't think it's gonna give you anything..." " These taste like asshole." "I think I got a bad batch." "Larry, where did you get these?" "Did you pick these fresh?" "I'm gonna eat 1 7 more, though, 'cause I need the nourishment." "I need the nourishment." "I need the nourishment." "Nourishment." "It's fucking juicy in here." "How come it's a botanical garden all of a sudden?" "It's botanical." " Sasquatch!" " Jable." "What are you doing out here?" "I was just wandering around your awesome botanical garden." "It's not my botanical garden." "It's everybody's." "You're so awesome." "I love you." "I love you too, JB." "You're an awesome rocker." "Can I be a sasquatch too?" "You already are." "You're my son, JB." " My little baby sas." " No way." "Thank you." "I gotta say, dude, I was tripping balls just then." " You seemed pretty out of it." " I'm back now." "You know what, man?" "Remember those old times when we used to just fucking rock, you and me?" "No band, back on Earth." " 1 5 people in the audience, man." " Dude." "And we were rocking like there was no tomorrow." " Like our life depended on this shit." " Thems was good times." "We did it for the love of the game, motherfucker." "Let's go back to those times one time." "One time, let's teleport back." "1 987, bitch." " You and me." " '87?" " I was fucking tiny." " I was 1 5." " You liar." "Fucking liar." " Whatever." "Let's do the hardest song in the repertoire." " Really?" " Yeah." "You demons wanna hear that?" "Turn your guitar up to maximum." "It's not gonna be easy." "This is a song called "Master Exploder"" "and it goes a little something like this." "Thank you." "I think we got every note on that one." "You know what, Kage?" "The whole time we were doing that Satanic Milli Vanilli stuff, the motherfucker back there" " Antichrist - was giving me the weirdest look." "What crawled up your ass, Anti?" " What the fuck?" " Take the mic." "What's wrong?" "Listen, my dad was wondering if he could come up and do a song with us." "Wait a second." "You mean your dad Satan wants to jam with the D?" " Yeah, the devil." " I'm gonna say no." " What do you think, Kage?" " I have to agree with that." "Here's the thing." "I don't wanna talk shit about your dad." "You're a righteous dude." "But what I've heard about your father is that he will chop off the tip of your dick and fucking feed it to your grandma and then shit on your grave for breakfast." " And that's not what I'm into." " That's ridiculous." "Welcome to hell, you motherfuckers." "The D in hell." "Yeah." "Big fan of you guys, big fan." "I got the DVD, saw the movie." "Masterworks." " Lucifer?" " Call me Lucy." "Lucy?" " I mean, of course we will jam with you." " Now let's get jiggy with it." "But before we jam, we have just one question." "Hit me." "Why are we in hell?" "We never did anything evil." "That's easy." "You sold your souls." "I got a contract." "No way." "Fuck that." "You send us back to Earth, then, because I never signed any such contract." "I can prove it in a court of law." "We never signed anything." " I got two signatures." " Jack..." "I was gonna tell you." " I didn't know the good time." " You signed your soul to the devil?" " He said he could help the band." " Wait a second." "Let me get this straight." " And you forged my signature on there?" " You were in the bathroom." "Listen, fucking Simon and Assfunkle." "Let's get this party started, shall we?" "Colonel, put the chicken in the grease." "Charlie, give me a little thump on your strong back end." "And kid, I want you to crucify those strings." "No." "Hey, no." "Come on, Kage, let's fight his music with our music." "And thus, the D defeated Satan." "So it hath been told and so it was." "It's so difficult to defeat Satan like that." "It took everything we've got." "I drink all the rock water." "Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it one time for KG." "Rage Kage." "Homunculus." "I just made that one up." "Homunculus." "You know him as the Little Tramp." "We call him Sir Charles." "On bass guitar, ladies and gentlemen, give it up one time for Charlie Chaplin." "Oh, yeah." "Charlie Chaplin." "That's actually John Spiker in the role of Charlie Chaplin." "Mr. John Spiker." "You fear him." "You know him as the son of the Dark Lord himself." "On electric guitar, ladies and gentlemen, give it up one time for the Antichrist." "Mr. John Konesky in the role of the Antichrist, on electric guitar." "Mr. John Konesky." "1 1 secret herbs and spices." "He's finger-lickin' good." "Ladies and gentlemen, on the drums, give it up one time for Colonel Sanders." "Mr. Brooks Wackerman." "In the role of Colonel Sanders, on the drums, Mr. Brooks Wackerman." "You know him as the number one psycho fan." "But did you know, ladies and gentlemen, tonight he also portrayed the police officer, the magical mushroom, the Metal, the... fucking Satan, don't forget." "In a tour de force performance," "ladies and gentlemen, please give it up one time for Lee." "I want to thank Wayne." "Wayne's filming the concert tonight for us." "We decided to film here at Seattle 'cause you're the most kick-ass." "We could have filmed anywhere." "But we thought you'd be the most kick-ass audience we were gonna encounter." "Couldn't have asked for a better audience." "You fucking rule." "Yeah, you." "And you." "There's one more person I wanna thank." "I never thanked this guy." "This next person I wanna thank... he's an incredible human being." "He's a humanitarian." "It's me" " JB." " Jable." " Thank you." "Please." "I don't know what to say." "Stop." "Why, thank you." "I don't deserve it." "Holy shit, dude." "Let me just tell you something." "Me and Kage were up on the roof just now." "Boarding our helicopter." "We were gonna fly home and we heard you fuckers cheering." "And we said, "No, helicopter pilot, stop them blades."" ""We got some more rocking to do."" " Do we have any more songs?" " I think we played all of it." "I think we played everything." "Do you guys know any others?" "OK, this one's for the ladies." "But you know, strangely, weirdly, I'm actually singing it to the dudes." "But make no mistake." "It's for the ladies." "You guys are tremendous." "Balcony people." "I see a couple of old people up there." "They could be my parents." "Hey, dude." "Don't forget my daddy too." "I got my 'rents in the audience too." "Be cool to the people that look like parents." "Thank you, Larry." "Thank you, Seattle." "You guys are an awesome crowd." "Thanks again." "Good night." "That's what you're about to see right now - a little rock and, dare I say, a little roll." "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage your final performer " "Tenacious D." "Can I interrupt you guys?" " We're Tenacious D." " Oh, my God!" "It's Pernicious B!" "Donny wanted to ask you, what is it that you want?" " What is it that you want?" " This is the start." "What do you guys want?" "We'll see what we can do." "I can't promise anything." "We want a record deal." "If we could get a record out..." " What next?" " A Tenacious D show." " A TV special..." " OK, hold on a second." " Can we get a TV...?" " I'm speed-dialing." " What else?" "What's on your laundry list?" " Like, a movie." "That'd be the pinnacle for us - a movie." "This is a song about the history of Tenacious D." "It's not just a list of bullshit from the past, it's a chronicling of our rise to power." "God, this is it - the top of Mount Everest." "You tune down." "This is Jack and I's first acoustic rehearsal, for our world tour." "I think in time you might get it." " Can you plug it in?" " Yeah." " I know." " Nice." " What the fuck?" "A cigar box." " I know, it's so badass." "From Mexico." "To the D." "Now fucking get it on." "See, he knows that song." "So it's G minor..." "It's minor." "B flat." "D." "Yeah." "It all comes back to me now." " It all comes back to me now." " No." "One, two, three." "I like that." "All right." " One, two, three." " Totem pole of rock." "Word on the street is, you're gonna fucking hit arenas." "Yeah, we're playing big venues." "That's the reason why we blew it up and went with a big production this time, with a full band and, like, a..." "It's kinda like a concept." "The show has a concept." "Me and Kyle die in Kyle's apartment, and then we are transported to hell, and we change the set from Kyle's apartment to the landscape of hell." "And it's fucking, like, 3-D, deep and huge." "I mean, it's expensive, and you can tell." "We've never fucking spent a penny on our show before." "Now, all of a sudden, it is Broadway-ready." "We could go and do..." "It's like fucking The Producers" "I've been watching Kyle practice his signature for the last 40 minutes." "Here's the sick part - I used to practice it in fourth grade," " in case I was famous someday." " Look what happened." " Let's go chronological." " This is when I first arrived." ""l wanna be an actor, Daddy." "You have to get some head shots, son."" "So I went down to Hollywood Boulevard - $50 head shots." " 50 bucks?" " My friend..." "I said, "l need head shots."" " "Let's make it more real."" " I'm going for this." "This is the edgiest one." "Nothing screams "metal" like this head shot here." "Dave, this is a question I wanna ask you." "I just thought of it, and it's kind of..." "You know, knowing us for a while and stuff, it's kind of... what do you think about us using the band and stuff?" "Do you think it's a little bit like, "That's not the D"?" "I think that you guys have gotten to the point where you can do anything you want." " Good to see you." " Good to see you too." "Sounds like the band is here already." " They're eager." " Nice to meet you." "If it was a Trainwreck rehearsal they'd be an hour late." " The ax and the hammer." " Have you met Brooks?" "I just did." "We shook on it." "Wait a second." "I don't like where this is going." "This song is fucking weird now, with my wife and baby in the wings." "All right." "I'm gonna pretend like I'm gonna fuck you anyway." "For the good of the show, for the good of the D." "I mean, KG." "These are what the rocks are gonna look like." " It's actually 3-D." " That doesn't stack well, for the bus." "That's just fabric, dude." " Do you want the giant bed or a bunk?" " We have to have the party lounge." "I like this one." "This looks like a family bed." " That looks like a rock bed." " That looks like a..." "That's a groupie bed." "Can we designate this a family bed..." "I'm very rested." "Do you know the thing I'm realizing, though?" "With a full band, it's easier to lose your throat, 'cause I can't hear myself." "It looks great." "Looks great." "Bye-bye." "I'm not feeling the band." "What do you think?" "You feeling 'em?" "It seem funny to you?" "I know what you mean." "Am I talking out of my ass?" "It sounds awesome." "It just doesn't seem funny, or it doesn't seem like us to me." "It's supposed to be fun for us to keep on trying to climb new mountains and..." "It's fun to play great places." "At this point, honestly, in my dreams I go, "l would love to play 500-seaters."" "That's the only way that I would wanna bail on the band - if we were saying, "Let's cancel those dates and go down to some smaller venues."" " I don't know that we can." " No, I know." "That's what I would do if we were in charge." "If we were to right now say, "lt isn't fun, let's bail," it would be premature, because you don't really know until you're out there, doing it." " But we don't have a lot of time..." " I'm sure we're gonna do it." "I just..." "I can't go on without telling you how I feel." " Not that one." " Right." "Not that one, but that one." " We'll put the bong up there." " Yeah, yeah." "Get a lava lamp and bong, and then some magazines and shit." "OK." "There's tremendous pressure for me to run around and do dive rolls." " No, that's only..." " It's just in my head?" "They don't want me to do it?" "They don't like it better if I do it?" "They like it a little bit better." "Yeah, fine." " Unless we start act two with..." " "Good Times"." "And then "The Metal"." "That's a fucking dynamic." " All right, then I'm saying... finale." " Really?" "Yeah, that's it." "And then "Sex Supreme"." "And that's it." "That's the whole thing." "Watch me drink root beer." "It's kinda funny." "You're not pulling hard enough." "OK, try it." "That's nice." "Try it, Sam." " Good." "Oh, my God." " It works?" " I can't hear anything." " Really?" " OK." " Are they on his ears?" "I vibrate his brain with my loudness..." "Let's do it, Kage." "What's up, man?" " What time do we go on?" "9pm?" " 9:1 5." "Sunshine..." "White wine, vinegar with veal, bring buttered brown bread." "Geese cackle, cattle low, crows caw, cocks crow." "Gray geese in a green field, grazing." "Six thick thistle sticks." "Lucy likes light literature." "From now on, we shall be known as the Fellowship of the D." "We shall burn brightly, like a thousand suns." "Died at the age of 88." "We got 35 shows." "It's a real tour." "Good night, Detroit Rock City." "Rockin'!" "Y'all rule!" "Disney rules." "You guys are awesome." "Thanks for coming out." "If it was just me and Kage, it'd be fine, but I'm traveling with the family." "All right, you may hold Samuel." " I'm gonna be right back." "Real quick." " I'll kill you." "We're playing MSG." "We're playing the Garden tonight." " That was a good one." " Like Clash of the Titans." "but done to music." " It's going really well." " Yeah." "You're the same thing I saw coming over, bumming cigarettes and hanging out..." "It's the same thing, but it's bigger." "It's like the fantasy-dream thing that happened, and it's happening." "You never heard the commercials where the guy that actually played the Colonel..." " I don't know if he was an actor..." " He wasn't the Colonel?" "He was the Colonel, yeah." "So I have an audio recording:" ""Try my crispy... chicken." ""It's good."" ""Let's try, 'Try my crispy fried chicken." "It's good."'" ""Try my chicken." "See you later."" "Dude." "Babaloo!" "I'm sorry." " We're outta here." " Do I look like a baggage handler?" " Why did we only get three stars?" " He gave us three out of five." "But it was a four-star review." "He was like, "This joke is so old and played out." ""It's not funny anymore."" " OK, "This joke isn't funny anymore."" " Wow." ""Most of the set, the stage was decked out like a cheesy approximation of hell." ""Accompanying Black and Gass in this infernal bargain basement" ""were three excellent backing musicians, all in character." ""But there's also a suspicion that the joke has been spread a little too thin of late," ""given that Tenacious D were introduced to the world at large" ""by way of their debut album five years ago." ""The joke's still amusing - just - but it's in need of an update," ""before a farewell tour becomes a necessity."" " That's a sting." " Three out of five stars." "Which is 60 percent out of 1 00 percent." "Oh, dear." "60 percent?" "That's a C minus." " It's a fucking D." " It's a D plus." "It's a D...?" "We're out here pimping our album and our movie and our tour and the Tenacious D burritos coming at you soon." "How do you do, Detroit?" "Dallas, can you hear us?" "It starts on the 22nd - but the night before, midnight." " Yeah, midnight." " That counts as the 22nd." "What powers came together that finally made this movie a reality?" "The story, I think, was the main thing - we had to figure out what it was exactly." "It came to a break-or-make point." "Flip that. "Make-or-break."" " It was like, "It's now or never."" " It was a bake-or-make moment." "And then we made a breakthrough, that was basically:" ""Let's tell the story of the D - the true story - biopic style."" "I'm Matthew Fox, and I'm hosting SNL with Tenacious D." "Just to make things clear, Foxy, I'm the hunkiest guy here." " Then me." " Then you." "It's better than the good movies out there." "Kage, name a movie." " Borat." " Better than that." " Godfather." " Better than that." " Casablanca." " Better than that." "Whatever you say, I'll say, "Better than that." It's in theaters November 22." "Here it is." "This song is called "The Pick of Destiny"." "Ironically, it's also the name of our major moving picture that comes out tomorrow - or tonight, if you go at midnight." "Check it out." "The Tenacious D movie is a milestone for the D." "Not since our first album has there been such a milestone, a breakthrough moment." "All right, it's longer." "You got me." "I was testing you." " Dude, how about that shit?" " How about that?" "Dude, I'm on a building." "Maybe we should've got white horses." " Couldn't have ridden them." " No." "Cut the "Supreme"." " It's exciting." " I know." " It's right over there." " Where?" " That's pretty nice." " Yeah, it's pretty nice." "Thank you." "Look at this." "This is like fucking..." "I don't know..." " That doesn't seem right." " Yeah, dude." "Is that thing fucking attached?" "How can l...?" "Wait." "Yo." "There seems to be a little problem with the steering wheel." " Was some ex-con driving this?" " That's how it was." "This is not as chariot as I was led to believe." "Put this into the CD player and leave it there." "I don't care." " What is it?" " 2001:" "A Space Odyssey." "Good." " This is pretty chariot, this part here." " They must have had that reupholstered." "OK, thank you." "Whoa." "Put on the emergency brake." "There's Larry." "I wanna introduce to you now the two kings of the greatest band in the world " "Tenacious D." "Come over here." "Come over this way." "Mine is better than yours." "I'd take that thing off." "Wait." "There's a button down here." "I think it might deactivate the lasers." "But I can't reach it." "The cock." "Use the cock." "Come on. helmet head." "get it up." "Come to Pappa." "Hi, guys." " It came out good, yeah?" " It's beautifully finished." "How about the cheer when people got a little Ben Stiller sauce?" "You're the sexiest." "No one moves like you." " It was just the laser deactivation." " That's all it was." "It sent chills down my spine." " I think you should be very proud." " I am." "In lots of ways." "Meet my mother." "Mom, Jeremy Piven." "How are you?" "He's a wonderful boy." "We celebrate him on this evening." " I'm really proud." "The audience loved it." " I'm fucking proud, too." "I want you to start thinking about the sequel." " For real?" " I know how well we're gonna do." " We still got the gauntlet of press to run." " We do." "But you guys have worked so hard." "It's inspiring." " Thank you so much for your support." " It's inspiring." "I'm saying 21.5 million prediction " "JR, right here, videotape, first day of opening, 1 :20 in the afternoon." "No numbers have come in." "But the movie just came out yesterday, so we're anxious to see, after this weekend, how well it does." "It's fun, yeah." "We're on a magic-carpet ride." "Yeah, it's playing there, I'm sure." "It's on in 1 800 theaters." "Yeah." "Look who's on the paper." "Dude, they cut off my picture." "I was right over here." "These are the sacrifices I have to make." "I don't mind my friend being on the cover, so long as it's good for the group." "Here's the thing, dude." "What is your prediction for how much it made today, all told?" "I'll go 1.2." " 1.2?" " Yeah." "I think there's a shake-up going on." "I'll go five million today." " Friday and Saturday?" " Today." "I predict five million." "I'm gonna go really solid, optimistic:" "with DVD, 43." "I'm over that." "It's going over that." "It's definitely more than that." "It's gotta be more than that." "Dude, it's gotta be more than 60." " We're breaking 60." " Lower." "We're breaking 60." "Did you read the entertainment section today?" " I don't wanna hear about it." " They had the box office for..." "I don't wanna hear about the box office right now, please." " I just thought I'd tell you what number..." " Jesus Christ, man." "OK, then." "A lot of people went to James Bond." "Camp D was shaken to its foundations." "I had really..." "I don't know, I felt like it was gonna do really well." "And not only did it not do mediocre, it was just fucking bad." "We were, like, the number four comedy of the week." "And we were in 1 1th place overall, so we didn't even make the top ten." "It's almost like the movie didn't come out at all." "It's not even newsworthy." "No one's even talking about how big a bomb it was." "But, I mean, the initial body blow of a tankeroo makes it hard to imagine more Tenacious D films." "Which is..." "It was kind of the secret hope and dream - to take Tenacious D on more adventures." "Let me see." "Maybe there was a mistake, maybe we're in the top ten after all." "No." "Not at all." "Wait." "Hold on." "B, C, D..." "Yeah." " E, F, G..." " You're actually learning the instrument." "I'm doing it." "We're doing it." "I'm gonna learn it to the point where you buy a book where they paint the colors and you match to the thing, then you can play something." "That's all I'm looking for." " We had no filmed clip." " We've shown the clip on all the shows." "It didn't seem to help at all in the opening weekend box office." " The public has spoken." " We're doing a new tactic." "It's a no-clip tactic." "Tenacious D. I'll be there." "Tenacious D..." "I have the New York Times review." "They said some little negative things." ""The gist of The Pick of Destiny - sad, fat rock losers make it big " ""has been done to death."" "When has that been done?" ""This movie strains credibility further than..."" "I can't believe..." ""..strains credibility further than its doughy stars" ""trying to simultaneously squeeze into a pair of extra-small tighty whities."" ""Gass seems even more low-key than on the TV segments." ""And he's a bit dull," ""particularly when paired with the energetic and winning Black."" "Win, my ass." "We've always said, from the beginning, this isn't a review-driven type of movie." "But secretly, in the back of my mind," "I'd always hoped that we'd have some sweet reviews." "We definitely put the work in." "I gave it a good review when I saw it." "We spent six years of our lives trying to make a good movie, and we've been informed that we failed." "But they did say that maybe they saw too much of me " "like, maybe there should have been less of me in the movie - and it fed into my paranoia that maybe... maybe America's getting sick of Jack Black, maybe the world is sick of Jack Black." "Maybe this flavor's outlasted its welcome." "This is gonna be our biggest audience to date." "Which is the band dressing room?" "This way?" "Hello." "My goodness." "Hi." " How's it going?" "Give me an air hug." " Good." " Air hug?" "Fingertips." " This is my brother Eddie." " How you doing?" " Good." "Nice to meet you." "We don't know each other well enough for 'tips yet." " Did the movie come out yet?" " Yes, the movie came out on Wednesday." " I'd love to see it." " If you wanna see the movie in the theater, you'd probably better go soon." "Kyle's not into hanging out with the babies." " He really tries to avoid the family van." " He does." ".." "I go, "Nice to meet you."" " He's on his way here." "Can I have your autograph?" "If you give me your autograph, I'll give you money." "Is that how it works?" "I'm still learning." " Thank you, sir." " Saw your movie yesterday." " Great." "Did you enjoy it?" " Yeah." "It was the only time I've ever been in a theater where it was only us two." " Right." " No, no, no, but the movie was wonderful." ""l didn't know what I was saying."" "That's so funny. "l didn't know that your movie was so unsuccessful." ""I'll go put some more makeup on and be a fucking idiot."" "No way." "Jesus." "My God." "Jesus." "I think I knowwhat it is." "What is it?" "The Metal." "We still have, strangely, five more countries to perform in." "Here we are on the double-decker bus." "We're heading for England, people." "It's been a little bit challenging, this tour, because we were setting it up as our victory lap." "But instead of that we're plowing through the tour, fighting the wave of stinkitude in our movie's wake." "Welcome to Ireland." "We're here on the bus, getting ready to go to the venue." "We're late for sound check." "There's not gonna be a sound check." "There's gonna be a dry run." "You got to be thankful for what you have, not what you think you might want." "We got a whole bunch of things that we're kinda fighting against." "It's still gonna be a kick-ass show but we don't wanna go broke doing it, right?" "This is our third junket." "I don't know what you call this." " This is our third junket." " Third?" "London, LA, New York." "This is a junket." " This interview is 1 5 minutes." " So it's an hour there, hour gone..." "How many interviews in all?" "I guarantee you, we're doing more press on this movie than any of your clients are doing on any movie this year." "You know what I was thinking, foolishly?" ""Can't wait for the movie to come out, then I'll be able to relax" ""and just focus on the road and my family..."" "It doesn't stop." "We go to London, we gotta do fucking Jonathan Ross again." "Go to Australia." "Junket." "Gotta promote the fucking movie in Australia." "It never ends, until we're done with the tour." "It never ends." "We got to introduce Sam to the parents, to the family." " Hello." " Hi." "Come on in." "There he is." " Sam, this is my wife Tanya." " We've met." "Oh, really?" "I'm..." "We should play your 30th." "Isn't there one coming up next year?" "We got to play Kyle's 30th high school anniversary." "Dude, 20..." "Did we have anything going on ten years ago?" "Nine years ago?" "When did the...?" "The D didn't have an album or TV show, hardly." "There's an article in today's paper about you guys but it's all about Jack." " What?" " It's almost like you don't even exist." "The only reason people go to see Tenacious D is because they love Jack." " I got a little bit." " And I said, "Who wrote this article?"" "Somebody wrote that in a newspaper here in Seattle?" " Yep." " He said it's the only reason they go?" " Yep." " Is to see Jack?" "Yep." "That's why you're popular." "It'll be on my gravestone." ""The other guy."" ""The other guy," yeah." ""The other guy."" "Jack." "No more photos." "No more photos." "No more photos." "Jack, do you ever look at Kyle, maybe in the evening, and think, "I'm so much better than him?" Be honest." " My God!" " Let me see that card, please." "Eight." "So we got fucking eight over here." " I want you to just make up a question." " All right." "Can you rub that on your...?" " Oh, my God." " Get it moist." "I'll ask some questions to both of you, then, don't be insulted, I got a couple for Jack." " Just go." "I don't need anything." "Just go." " OK, fine." "I need a single on Jack, if you could, OK?" "Make sure you get the knee." " What?" " You didn't have to leave the room, Kyle." "Of course he did." "When you go single on Jack, why would he stay?" " For ambient noise?" " Do you remember your first movie role?" "I'm looking over there." "There is an actual Tenacious D, believe it or not, that's made up of actual people." "And it's this thing - it's two guys pretending to be big, to simulate being big." "That's the charm and the fun of it, and it's like, "lf you don't get it," ""if you think it's something else 'cause you think it's about actually being huge," ""then you lose something."" "Jack's just a very powerful personality, and a lot of times I've sublimated myself for the group, so the group would work." "Like, "You know what?" "OK, this is how it has to be so we can work successfully."" "Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like if we nail Letterman, if it's really funny, we get a lot more people going to the movie." "Hey, how's it going?" "We're going to five." "He's trying to eat that, right?" "Are you trying to eat that?" "Is this it?" "I'll let you field the hard ones." "One minute to the introduction." "All band members backstage, please." "See you guys." "This is bad, my friends." "This is bad." "Why should I get nervous for this show?" "I don't fucking live here, you know?" "Fucking miserable." "I'm not gonna do it alone." "They didn't tell me." ""Why don't they want me?"" "Then the next phase is, "Why can't I be on the fucking couch?"" "'Cause it's not in the fucking movie?" "Why don't they want me for their couch?" "I don't think they have duos on the couch usually." "I did the show last time." " Why is everyone bullshitting me?" " No one's bullshitting you." "I did the show before." "They have duos on the couch." "Do whatever you want." "It's so insulting." "And Kyle went crazy." "Like, he says he wasn't told, and he said he won't go on the show." "I can't do the song without him." "I mean, I wish someone would have known how I'd feel is all." "That's all I wanted." "If I'd known I would never in a million years ever do this." " Then let's bail." " All right." " Come on, you can't do this." " I'm sorry." "It's in the middle of the show, man." "Maybe it'll be good for publicity somehow." "It'll be a scandal." "Hello?" "Hi." "Jack." "I can't go on without Kyle." "No." "All right." "Thank you." " What did they say?" " They're gonna find out." "We're waiting for someone to call and say that they can both go on or we're logging out." "That's it." "Time for the electric chair." "Hello?" "Hi." "What's that?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yes." "It was not just the usual Kage meltdown." "When that happens, I feel like that that is it." "Like, "This is it." And then it's over." "But this was, like, the worst so far." "The worst." "By far." "Are we keeping our dates?" "Yeah." "We can't cancel the dates now." "Word on the street." "The room is super echoey." "It's hard to hear." "Extra slow enunciation might be the way to go." "Yeah." "Overenunciate." "I'm not even here." "You guys, the government, they're really screwing things up here." "I get nervous a lot before shows, and lately I've been thinking about the universe, about the size of the cosmos, how fucking huge it is, and how tiny I am, how tiny the Earth is in the cosmos," "and how fucking meaningless the concert is really, ultimately." "It relaxes me." "It helps me to just focus on the simple task at hand." " They start crawling at..." " He's almost six." "So he'll be..." "That was a good one." "Just like his poppa." "What did you do before, for a job?" "I was an art assistant and nanny." "Helping with artists and taking care of this six year old." "It would be so much harder for me to have a baby if I had to keep working." "And I don't, I'm lucky." "But if I had to go back to my job from eight to six every single day, there's no way I'd hire a nanny to watch him during the day, then come home..." "If you get stuck at work and you can't..." "There's all these things I could see would happen." "Yeah." "I mean, it's hard." "Just being with him alone, that's, like, a job." "So..." "What's going on?" "Peekaboo." "And now we get on that bus." "So we get in the bunk." "We fucking sleep the whole way." " He's not sleeping at all." " Are you?" " No." " I can stay up with him." "I don't have to work until three in the afternoon." "But I want you to hang out with me during the day." "Like that'll ever happen." "You know, like a family." "Tanya calls it a tour of dungeons, where basically she went from one dungeon to the next, where they did have comfortable cribs, but it's still a dungeon." "Basements." "Dungeons." "I think the road has not been the fun adventure that I had hoped for the family." "The road's been pretty hard on the familia." "We're gonna need to hold off on extra tour dates for now." "Yeah." "It's been about four years and I guess it's called a side band." "My friend JR, who plays Lee in the Tenacious D group, is lead singer." "Jack doesn't like to sing a lot of dates in a row, so we're gonna sneak in some Trainwreck." "These are the fun gigs." "The D gigs - you know, they're fun, but they're kind of the bread and potatoes." "Trainwreck is good because, because of the fewer people, there's a better chance to get up close and personal." "They spelled my name right." "That's a good sign." ""Of Tenacious D."" "Don't forget your paradiddle key." "You guys are fucking killer." "You rock, guys." "That was so cool." "I love Trainwreck." "We went and saw it three times in school." "It was my favorite movie." " That was a great crowd for us." " A nice warmup for tomorrow night?" "Completely different." "Tomorrow's show" " I'm just a robot." " Can we get a kiss on the cheek?" " Yes, of course." "This is my band." "Yes." "Let's go." " You wanna ride?" " We would love a ride." "Check out when I say it." "Aluminum." " Aluminium." " Aluminum." "Where do you guys get money from?" "I don't have any money." "They're at this hotel." " What's that?" " If you light a cigarette with a candle, a sailor dies - a sailor somewhere dies." "And we don't want to kill sailors." "Heart and soul..." "I wished I were you." " I wish I was you." " You don't sound happy in Tenacious D." "No, you don't." " It's over." " Really?" "Why are you still touring, then?" " It's big dollars." " Yeah." "It's a money gig." "No, I love the band." "But we've been doing it a long time." "I mean, I envy you young people." "Wandering around with no money." "Don't know where you're gonna sleep at night." "I mean, that's freedom." "I'm a tool of the record company, man." "They just squeeze every last dime out of me." "Go on, you don't wanna listen to my war stories." "'Cause otherwise you get bad sex for seven years." "I heard that." "Getting a job and then travel with the job or something." "Try to be smart." "I like that." "Yeah." "Yeah." "I don't know." "I've lost it." "The problem is I don't want it." "I sort of do, but I don't wanna have to talk or have to be there afterwards." "I don't knowwhat it is." "I think that..." "You know what it is?" "I don't like strangers that much anymore." "They're young, fresh." "Wild." "Energetic." " What's the other end of that spectrum?" " Me." " Come on, jump in." " I don't sing." "I don't know the song." ""Have a great show."" "If I run out of comedy on stage, I'll just call for these." "Call from the wings." "Instant huge laughs from the audience." "Fuck 'em." "I wonder if the record label is gonna back us for another album." "Like, I wonder if next week we said, "All right, ready to start on the next album." ""Send us over the start-up check and we will get going,"" "if they would actually send the check, or they would go:" ""We've been meaning to tell you, we're not gonna go on with this record contract." ""We're releasing you from the contract."" "Be interesting to see." "Bye." "He said yeah and it would unfortunately be fairly early that they go on." " Why?" " There is a support act." "They could go in between." "We saw them in the middle of Cathedral Square, it's called." "And they were just rocking." "Ten years old." "Playing some Bob Dylan." "That's what it's all about." "This is gonna come down." "You guys come down here for a second." "We came up and watched you guys play for a while, put some money in the can." "And we were walking away, and Brooks, our drummer, was like:" ""Wouldn't it be awesome if they opened for us?" I was like, "Good idea."" "Apparently, they've had three record labels come to them." "'Cause of you." "Well, you know..." "We're idol makers." "Let's rock, let's rock, let's rock today." "Let's rock, let's rock, let's rock today." "We discovered a new band yesterday." "It's pretty powerful stuff." "Please give a warm welcome to New Zealand's own Black Tear." "Just a reminder, people, it's the last day on tour." "If there's something you want out of the wardrobe or out of the gear, you gotta fly with it." "It is crazy we are popular enough to fill up a theater so far away from home." " I love that." " Sold out, yeah?" "It's 1 5,000 and some." "Sometimes I get caught up with the little details." "I'll complain and feel like, "Fuck." "Everything's going wrong."" "But then I have to remind myself that things are crazy good, that we have it so good." "Gen and I met after a Trainwreck show." " It was a trainwreck." " She went to every Trainwreck show." "And she made leather goods for the band." "And then..." "We made out." "Kisses." "Well, anyway..." "Gen Gen's the best." "The best girlfriend I've ever had." "We haven't had a picture yet." "Come on." "I'm living in the moment." "I'm living in the moment." "In the moment." "I wanna just say, hats off to everyone." "You guys were hand chosen by me and I can take it all away just like that." "So remember, I need your undying loyalty." "Good work, you guys." "That speech is just mystifying." "Bringing down the iron fist but then at the end begging for their actual love." "That's not a threat for real love?" "Begging for it?" "I don't know." "Very strange." "I'm touched." "I'm touched." "You know?" "I think it has to be kinda special." "I'm actually more excited about coming up with some new music." " Yeah." " I think that's really..." "Without the movie and everything attached to it." "I would like to propose a toast." "For the last five years, me and Kage have gone on tour, just me, Kage and Joe Beebe, and this is the first time we've blown it up, big time, with a full crew, full band," "and I have to say, I couldn't have been more happy." "It was the most fun I've had on a tour." "We had great fun." "Don't start playing until the front reel goes out." "It's so momentous, it's hard to even start." "How come it's not going?" " It's not recording." " Is it on pause?" "The things are not moving." "This is a bad metaphor for the day, by the way." "It's the fucking original Optimus Primus." "You're saying that's the tape recorder?" "All right." "Let's go." "Hold on a second." "I don't wanna sing anymore." " Yeah." "That's pretty powerful." " I know."