"What are you thinking about?" "I was just thinking how convenient it is for me that it's considered hip to drive a $20,000 hybrid." "Dork." "And how lucky I am that you love me." "I love you, too, babe." "I'm 29 years old." "I'll be 30 next month." "When I was a kid, I used to close my eyes and try to picture myself at 30, and this is what I saw." "A great job, still best friends with the guys I grew up with, and in love with a beautiful girl." "So far, I gotta say that my life has turned out pretty much exactly the way I imagined it." "We have something to tell you." " You're getting..." " A baby." " A baby?" " Yeah." "Oh, my God!" "How did you do that?" "Well..." " I'm 10 weeks." " You are 10..." "Oh, my..." " Fabulous!" " Ten weeks." " Oh, yay, yay!" " Congratulations, Michael." "Fantastic." "Sweetheart, champagne!" "I'm overwhelmed." "All right." "Champagne." "Let's get some champagne." "Let's drink a toast." "Oh, my..." " Honey, where's the champagne?" " It's in the bar, under the sink." "Now, you can't have any champagne, but we can drink for you." "We're very good at that." "All right, I'll be right back." "Don't say another word, please, until I'm here." " So, what do you think?" " Well, I think it's a..." "It's a very big thing." "Traditionally, not the first big thing of your adult life." "We've talked about getting married before." "We just..." "You know, Michael's been so busy working, and I'm in the middle of my dissertation, and it just..." "I don't know, it feels weird now." "We don't want people thinking we're getting married 'cause we have to," " because that's not why we would." " Nobody will think that." "Remember Lucy's wedding?" "Oh, honey, please." "That girl's a slut." "She completely trapped that guy." "Case in point." "No one's gonna think that about you." "Open this, darling." "It's warm!" "Well, of course it's warm." "We never drink it." "If I open this, it's going to explode." "It's all right." "Just live on the edge, Stephen." "Open the bottle." "Open the bottle because I'm a grandmother," " and I want to celebrate!" " Okay, here we go!" "Come on, get it while it's hot." " Hooray, hooray." " That's for you." " Oh, my God." " Oh, my..." "No, just a little, Dad." " It's the last drink you're gonna have." "All right." "To my little girl and her little boy." " Or girl." " Or girl." "I was going to say that." "And here's to the young man who's responsible for the whole thing." "Who's feeling more responsible by the second." "Quite right." " Cheers." " Cheers." "If you have to settle down, if you absolutely have to become an adult, and have a baby and all that comes with it, this is the kind of woman you want to do it with." "You couldn't ask for a better girl." "Your cousin stayed fat." "Tricia was enormous to begin with, baby." "She grew to the size of a parade balloon when she was pregnant but then she went back to being a regular fat-ass." "The point is, she's a fatter ass now than she was before." "And, you know, she's always dieting." "She talks about dieting." "If you look in her purse, it looks like she just went trick-or-treating." "You're cruel." "I am going to be fat and ugly." "Baby, no matter how fat you get, you could never be ugly." "And as long as I can find these perfect breasts amidst all the rolls," "I'll be happy." "And this ass!" " You have the greatest ass in the world!" " Wait, wait!" "So when it's large, it'll just be that much greater!" " Come on!" "What?" "I can't hear you!" " Stop!" "Stop it!" "I can't hear you!" "You are so pathetic." "Oh, my God, why?" "Why?" "What did I do to deserve this?" "You're just an incredibly lucky woman." "Will you start eating with me, big boy?" " Yeah, we'll go pickle for pickle." " Promise?" "Yeah, I'll bring my cousin over." "We can snack on her belly." "Don't." "That's gross." " That's Izzy." "I gotta go." " No, don't." "No." "Don't go." "Are you going to be really late?" "No, because I have plans for your boobies later." "I don't want you to know." "I'm gonna tell them privately." "Don't listen." "Okay." "Okay, we'll talk later." "No, you can't." "Okay, bye." "I heard." "Honey, does it bother you at all that we didn't plan this?" "That it just happened?" "What are you talking about?" "Not at all." "It's gonna be great." " Really?" " Yeah." "If you got him strippers, I'm going to have to take you down." "Come on, Jenna." "You know I'm not into that." "Where did you find them?" "It's your wedding, man." "Like your brothers are gonna let you down." "So beautiful." "Oh, fuck." " You all right, man?" " Yeah, I'm fine." "It's okay, man." "Let it out, buddy." " Is he okay?" " Yeah, fine." " No, no." "He's fine." " He does this all the time." "It's very hard for him, you know, because his mother was a lesbian, and she passed away very recently." "You guys should just keep going." "You gotta push through because what you're doing is beautiful." "I'm fine." "I'm all right." " Come on, let's take a little break." " No, no." "We'll take a little break." "Let's go outside, we'll get a little air." "Okay?" "Girls, back to work." "I'm sorry." "Don't mind me." " Careful, don't slip on the ass beads." "Step over them." "There we go." "I just loved knowing, you know?" "Like, I saw my whole life laid out in front of me." "Perfect." "And then that bitch just yanked it all away from me." "Just..." "You know?" "It's like..." "Of course, you know." "You and Jenna are like the same person." " Now you're having a baby?" " Yeah." " How intense is that?" " Pretty intense." "I envy you, you prick." "I quit the cheese company." "What?" "Dude, isn't your dad still in the hospital?" "I just can't do it anymore, man." "I told my Uncle Gary." "I gave him my notice on Friday." "He kind of freaked on me." "I'll bet." " I told him I'm taking a road trip." " You're taking a road trip?" "Wow." "Where you going, buddy?" "Six Flags?" "Tierra del Fuego." "On a motorcycle." "But you get nauseous when you leave the ZIP code." "Exactly." "...find the happiness that has eluded your mother and me." "To Eva and Mark!" " Cheers!" " Cheers!" " Eva and Mark!" " Eva and Mark!" "I'm overwhelmed by this miracle that has happened to me." "And as happy as I am to see all of you at my wedding," "I'm happiest to see her." "Isn't she beautiful?" "She's nothing compared to you." " Did I get my own "aw"?" " You did." "Thank you so much for coming." "We are both overwhelmed." "Oh, no." "I'll be back." "2 o'clock." "Thought she wasn't coming." " I know." "You think he's seen her yet?" "Probably." " Can we talk to you for a second?" " All of you?" "Arianna, what are you doing here?" "You know he's gonna go crazy." "What do you want me to do, Chris?" "Hide under a rock?" "No, but a little sensitivity might be nice." "He's a wreck, Ari." "Come on, we're asking you." "Don't do this." "Do what?" "I'm not doing anything." "Shit." "What are you doing here?" "They're my friends, too." "Have another drink, Izzy." "Ari." "Ari!" "There are, like, 500 people here." "If you can't stand the sight of me, just ignore me." "Can't stand the..." "Hey, hey!" "I am trying to start over here, okay?" "How am I supposed to do that if you keep popping up everywhere?" "Izzy, I'm moving on with my life." "You should do the same." "How can you be so blind?" "Look at this!" "This should've been us." "That's what you always wanted, ever since you were 16 years old." "That's what you always wanted with me." "You better get him out of here." "Oh, fuck." " I took you to your fucking prom!" " No, no, no." "I took that bitch to her fucking prom!" " Come on." "You sound like an asshole." " She's totally not worth it." "I know, I know." "I'm so over that fucking girl." "I'll be back!" "You're dancing." "You're dancing." "You're rocking the salsa beat." "Come on." "Hey." " What the hell did you do?" " Nothing." "He was fine until..." "He's not fine." "He's scared." "He's not scared." "Is that why he's screaming, then, Chris?" "He's screaming 'cause he saw you coming down the..." "That's great." "Why don't you just stay here and have a good time?" "Relax." "I'll go change him." "Give me a break." "Lisa." "Wait up." "How much longer am I supposed to put up with this?" "What are you drinking?" "I'm trying to decide how drunk I want to be." "I think I'll go with a beer, please." "Yeah, could I have one, too?" "Thanks." "Have we met before?" "Do I look familiar?" "No." " Okay, I'm Kim." " Michael." " Nice to meet you." " Nice to meet you." " So, are you a friend of the groom's?" "Since preschool, actually." " That's really cute." " Yeah." "Blocks." "Can you just excuse me?" "Hello." "Yeah, I'm coming." "Right now." "Bye." "I'm with three friends that have wanted to leave since we got here." "Would you wait?" "I'll be right back." "It's true." "Every single one of my friends are married." "It's like they're all in a cult, and completely obsessed with me joining." "They're like, "If you don't get married soon, you'll be too old to have a baby."" "Guess what?" "I don't want to have a baby." "I certainly don't think I should be bullied into it just because I have a vagina." " I'm Ken." " Danielle." "Isn't this fantastic?" "Yeah." "It's pretty crazy, huh?" "It's like a little condominium or something." "Yeah." "Mind if I..." "Yeah, please." "So do you have a girlfriend?" "Yeah." "A little hesitation there." "Having a crisis, are we?" " Do I look like I'm having a crisis?" " Everyone I know is having a crisis." "I know you're not supposed to get them until mid-life, but" "I think something's happened to our metabolisms." "Our metabolisms?" "Yeah, I mean, the world is moving so fast now and we're all chasing something so fast that we start freaking out way before our parents did." "Feel my heart." "Feel how fast it is?" "That's a fast heart." "Because we don't ever stop to breathe anymore." "You gotta remember to breathe, or you'll die." "Oh, sorry." " Hey!" " Hey." "Have you seen Michael anywhere?" "No." "Okay." "Carry on." "And don't worry, because crises..." "Crisises?" "I think it's "crises." Go with "crises."" "Right." "Like I said, crises, well, they come and go." "Sometimes." "Sometimes they don't really feel like they're going anywhere." " You're having a permanent crisis?" " I don't know." "Maybe." "I've just been thinking about my life lately and everything feels pretty planned out." "You know?" "It's like I know everything that's going to happen." "There are no more surprises." " That is so boring." " I know." " So what do you do?" " Complain, I guess." "No, like, what do you..." "Like, what do you do?" "Oh, you mean "what do I do" what do I do?" " Yeah." " Sorry." "I'm an architect." "How about you?" " I'm a musician." " Oh, cool." " A flautist." " Oh, real cool." "Yeah." "I mean, I study other things, too." "I'm not an idiot." "But, if I could do anything," "I would love to be able to do that when I finish school." "You're graduating this year?" "Two more years." "Wow." "Look at you." "Two more years." "Yeah." "Well, don't rush it." "College was the best time of my life." "Reminiscing already, huh?" "I should get back." " To your crisis?" " My crisis awaits." " Shall we?" " Yeah." "Okay." "Careful." "I'll help you up." " Are you okay?" " Yeah." "Yeah?" " I guess that's a cool tree, huh?" " Yeah, I like that tree." "All right, well, there are my friends, so I guess I'll see you around?" "Yeah." "Cool." "Cool." "Do you, like, want my phone number or something?" "Yeah." "That'd be good." "Yeah?" "Do you have a pen?" "No." "Well, if you want to come by campus sometime," "I get out at 5:00 on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays." "I usually meet my friends at the Terrace." "Sure." "Okay." "Bye." "Look at her." "Six weeks, and she's already screwing somebody else." "Dude, ease up." "He's obviously gay." " What?" " He's gay." "Look at him." "No straight man looks that good." "You think?" "Yeah." "I mean, you know, he doesn't look that good to me, but he looks good." "Caught you!" "You've been hiding from me." "No, I've been right here the whole time." "Don't worry." "You missed her throwing the garter belt." "Did you see how beautiful Lisa's baby is?" "He's beautiful." "You know, I thought I wanted a girl, but now I think I want a boy." " What do you want?" " A girl." "Me, too." "Okay, so why are you staring at me?" "What would you do if I died?" "Iron my dark suit." "Would you even notice if I was gone?" "Trust me." "I'd notice." "So, you'd do what?" "Go out and get some young thing that would sit here in silence and smile?" "Do you have anybody in mind?" "You know, the other day I actually felt jealous of my own daughter?" " Do you know why?" " I'm sure you're going to tell me." "The way Michael looked at her." "Did you see that?" " Anna, there is no point..." " Like he had to have her." "Just once I would like to know what that's like." "Just once." "Well, I do have to have you, darling." "It's a contractual thing." "Go ahead, crack another joke." "Jesus." "Oh, look." "Our bed just got more comfortable." "Chris!" "Chris, what the hell are you doing?" "You've been in there for 20 minutes!" " Just give me one minute." " No!" "I have given you 20!" "Now get out here and give me a hand!" "Matthew is screaming, I have piss all over me and I can't find any binkies." " Who is it?" " It's Marvin from next door." "Your front porch is on fire!" " Hey." "No, don't say anything." " Get out." "I'm going crazy without you." "I love you." " I'm serious." " I fucking love you." "Come on, look at you." "You're so beautiful." "I'm calling the police, that's what I'm doing." "No, no, you're not." " Give me the phone!" " No!" " Give me the phone!" " No!" "Just listen to me for a second!" "Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me anymore." "I don't love you anymore." " I refuse to accept that." " Izzy, go home!" " You really want me to leave?" " Yes!" " That's what you're saying?" " That's what I'm saying." "Okay." "Ari," "I love you forever." "It's me." "Open up." "I'm coming!" " You have to come with me." " Where?" "South America." "Okay." "I need a wingman, man." "I can't do this alone." "Yeah, sure." "Absolutely." " Really?" " Yeah." "Hey, you got any ice?" "I think I broke my hand." "You're not gonna believe this, Izzy, but I actually keep ice in the freezer." "You're really coming with me?" "No talking!" ""During this trimester," ""women have to carefully inspect the things they're feeling" ""because hormonal changes can make upsets and worries" ""seem larger than they are."" "Tell me about it." "No, that's my nut." ""In isolation, one's anxieties become disproportionate." ""Talking things out with your partner" ""is a way of exorcising fears on both sides" ""or at least not allowing them to become overwhelming."" "Did you get that?" "It says you can't hold everything inside." "Yeah." "So what about you?" " What?" " What are you holding inside you feel like you want to let out?" "What?" " What?" "You asked!" " Oh, my God!" " I've been holding that in all day!" " You're disgusting!" "Michael!" "I don't want your farts on me." "Come on, turn the TV off." "I'm serious." "I want to know what you're feeling." "I'm feeling that..." "What I'm feeling, me, is that, in general..." "Wow." "You are an enormous loser, you know that?" "Well, you're in love with a loser, and only a loser could love a loser." " Are you nine?" " Ten." "Okay, fine." "I'll go." "I feel like we should buy a house." "You got to be fucking kidding me." "I'll get it!" " Hi." " Hi." "What are you doing here?" "Kenny's coming with me to South America." "You're really serious about that?" "Hell, yes." " I should go with you." " Yeah, right." "Lisa's driving me out of my fucking mind." "I can't take it anymore." " Where's Kenny?" " He's..." "You just got another promotion and my parents can help with the down payment." "I just don't think it's such a good idea." "Why?" "Their parents did it for them." "And you know, a monthly mortgage payment probably isn't that much more than we're spending on rent." "It's not really about the money, Jenna." "Then what is it?" "I wouldn't dare mention the M-word because I know how any conversation about that totally freaks you out." "I told you I'd marry you when you could name three couples you know personally that have lasted more than five years." "Yeah, and I still only have my parents and that cute couple from the pond." " Ducks don't count." " They mate for life, come on." "What is it, baby?" "What are you afraid of?" "I don't know." "It just seems so, like, final." "Final." "Wow." "We're about to become a family, Michael." "I know." "I didn't mean it like that." "If you aren't up for this, tell me now," " because otherwise, what are we doing?" " I am!" "I'm excited!" "No one forced you into this." "You had the chance to tell me in the beginning!" "Will you calm down?" "Your hormones are freaking out." "Oh, my God!" "Don't blame this on my hormones." "You couldn't get more obvious." "I'm saying what your magazine said, and we're doing it." " Doing what?" " We're talking about how we feel." " You're right." " What?" "I'm sorry, I couldn't..." "I'm all the way over here." "I couldn't hear you very well." "What'd you say?" "I said you were right." "Oh, I'm right." "Am I right?" "You want to make a home with me, right?" "Yes." " Because if you don't, that's fine." " Look at me." "I do." "Good." "Because if you didn't, I'd have to kill you in your sleep." " And that would just ruin everything." " Yeah, that would suck." "I love you." "I love you." "I'm sorry." "She just makes everything impossible, man." "It's like anything I try to do makes her feel like she's losing control of the baby." "Yeah." "Hey." "What's up?" "Nothing at the moment." "Are you going with Izzy?" " Where?" " To South America." "Oh, yeah." "No." "What?" "You just said you were coming." "I know, buddy, but my life is perfect here." "Why would I leave?" "Come on." "Hi." "I'm Danielle." "See what I mean?" "Hi, I'm Chris." " Hi." " We met at the wedding." "Yeah, hi." "Yeah, we met at the wedding." "Wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "I'm going to stop for a second here." "Excuse me, how is your life here so perfect?" "Can you just run that by me?" "Because I remember when you graduated, you were gonna go save the Africans." "Save the children?" "Whatever." "You were gonna go save them." "And now you're tending bar and you're screwing a different girl every other night?" "What's funny about that is you're at that bar more than I am." "And secondly, dude, I'm not screwing a different girl every other night." "I'm just not." "Okay, you're right." "It's every night." " You're an asshole." " What?" "It's better that she knows now." "It's better you know now." "He does what he wants, I do what I want." "Jesus, do you hear that?" "She's perfect." "You're perfect." "I'm in love with you." "Do you have a sister for him, maybe?" "Yeah, I'm very happy for both of you, but I'm offering you an opportunity here, and you're gonna miss it, you're gonna blow it." "Take a risk." "Take a chance." "That's what you used to tell me." "When are we gonna get a chance to do this again?" "When we're 50, on, like, some Norwegian Cruise with these fat girls in floaties." "I'm telling you, you're 29 years old, Kenny." " I'm 28." " No, you're 29." "Thank you." "Shit, I am." "Well, you're gonna be sitting in that same chair in 20 years and you're gonna be wondering, "Why didn't I take this chance with Izzy?" ""Why didn't I do something exciting with my life" ""instead of ice-fishing on Lake Mendota?"" "See, what you're not getting, Izzy, is that I like ice-fishing." "Ice-fishing makes me happy." "It does." "And don't come in here and start editing my life just 'cause you're not happy with yours." "Don't do it." "No, that's what you're doing." "No, I was..." " Wait, where you going?" " I am going to put my blue balls to bed." "Good night." "Good night." "Good night." " Night." " Good night." " I love you." " Me, too, you." "So I was just thinking that if we move the garage from where it currently sits, there's no reason why this atrium couldn't be pulled up the entire height of the building." "So that way, it's the middle of winter, and all these people get to look out their window and see trees and maybe even birds." " What sorts of birds?" " Shut up, Ryan." " Like, what species..." " Shut up, Ryan." " Sorry." " Dick." " That's really interesting, Michael." " Thank you." "I'm just a little concerned about cost." "What do you think, Chris?" "I think I'm going to leave my wife." " So, have you told her yet?" " No, not yet." "I don't know how I'm going to do that, but..." "I just know that I'm tired of being told how much I suck." "Oh, man." "I thought if I had a kid with her, it would bring us closer together." "Not make us want to kill each other." "I'm trapped, Mike." "I'm fucking trapped." " Hey." " Hey." "It's so funny, I was..." "I was driving by and I remembered that you said you hang out here." "Drive by here often?" " Thinking of becoming a flautist." " Nice." " I hear this is the place." " Yeah." "It's pretty good." "So you weren't coming here to see me?" "I had a meeting." " Do you want a ride?" "I have a car." " I live really close." "I'll take you." " Oh, no." "Honestly, it's, like, really close." " I'll take you." "I'll take you." "Come on." "Okay." " Well, it's good to see you." " It's good to see you, too." " So, where am I going?" " Straight ahead." "So, what did you do after I left the wedding?" "Just, you know, hung out with my friends and stuff." "Don't you love weddings?" "Actually, no." "They make me pretty depressed." " Why?" " I don't know." "They just..." "They always seem so forced to me, you know?" "I mean, if you love somebody, why do you need a photo album of drunk people in tuxedos to prove it?" "Wow." "How do you really feel?" "Did you know that when the institution of marriage was created, people only lived to be 30 years old?" "I'd be dying next year." "I would wear the hottest dress to your funeral." " I live here." " Oh, here?" " Okay." " Yeah." " You do live close." " I told you." "So, that whole day was like a nightmare for you, huh?" "All those relationships dissolving before your eyes." "Well, it wasn't completely awful." "What are you doing for the long weekend?" "I mean, almost all my friends are going out of town." "I don't know." "I just was going to..." "I don't know." "Do you want to go to a party with me?" "Sure." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "Okay, cool." "Here." "Let me give you this." " Nice pen." " Thanks." "I like purple." " Don't even think about standing me up." " Okay." "All right." " Bye." " See you." " Hey!" " Where are you?" "I called the office." "They said you weren't there." "I'm just on my way home." "Why?" "What's going on?" "We have a sonogram." "Did you forget?" "Oh, my God." "Jenna, I totally did." "I'm sorry." "When?" "5:45." "Get here soon." "We can still make it." "Okay." "I'll be there in 10 minutes." "What the fuck are you doing?" "What the fuck are you doing?" "What the fuck are you doing?" "Holy shit." "You are unbelievable." "There's more where that came from." "I just want to know, where did I find you and how do I make more of you?" " I have to go back to work." " No, no!" "Hang on." "What are you doing later?" "You, hopefully." "Okay." "Be at my house at 8:00." "And stay hungry." "Oh, my God." "Now that I can see you, it's as if I never left." "Oh, my God, if you only knew, every day I've kicked myself." "I have, just, every single day thinking about you." " I thought of you, too." " Oh, yeah." "Liar." "I am so happy to see you." " So why did you disappear?" " You know why." "I couldn't control the way I felt about you." "You know that." "You know." "Listen." "I thought if I could stop cold, and that's the only way I could do it, maybe I could save my marriage." "Seriously." " Did you save your marriage?" " No." "I'm sorry." " Yeah." " Anna, Anna." "I'm married." " You are what?" " With a two-month-old baby boy." " You can't be serious." " Yeah, I'm serious." " How old is your wife?" " What's the difference?" " Tell me." "How old is she?" " No, it doesn't matter." "Tell me!" "How old is she?" "She's 35 years old." " My God, she could be my daughter." " What's the difference?" "You were never going to leave him, anyway." "Be happy." "Anna." "God damn it, Anna!" " Is he here?" " Yes." "But he's with a patient." "Hello, dear." "Anna, what's wrong?" " Nothing, as far as you're concerned." "Well, if you come back in 40 minutes..." "I just wanted to let you know I fucked another man." "Nice to see you." "Excuse me." "Anna, just..." "Just come with me in here." "Oh, now you react." "Maybe if you'd dragged me into a closet before, this wouldn't have happened." " What the hell is going on?" " It was three years ago." "I saw him today." "He's leaving his wife and he's going to run away with me." "That's all you need to know." "Anna, I understand you want to lash out..." "Just shut up!" "Would you just, please, for God's sake, shut up?" "I don't want to talk this out." "And I do not want your understanding." "I want someone who's flesh and blood." "And since you're not that, I don't want you." "...fingers." " You're obsessed." " Hello." " I've left your father." "What happened?" "Nothing happened." "That's why I'm leaving him." " What?" "Mom..." " Honey, I want you to know that, that I'm so happy for you and the baby, and I'm not jealous of you." "And if you need me, you call me, all right?" "I love you." "I love you." "What's going on?" "It's Jenna." "Is he there?" "And then, the mattress transforms into this giant bundt cake." "I'm really sorry to interrupt, but your daughter's on the phone and she does say it's urgent." "Okay." "Excuse me for one minute." "She told me she's moving out." "What the hell is going on, Dad?" "Sweetheart, your mother's going through a very tough time." " Don't make excuses for her." " I'm not." "You know, I'm just gonna come over there." "This is silly." "Jenna, I'm fine." "It's something between your mother and me." "We'll work it out." "We always do." "Right now, I want you to look after yourself, okay?" "Okay." "You sure you don't want a little company?" "Trust me, my current patient is company enough." "Okay." "Okay, sweetheart." "I have to go back to work now." " Daddy?" " Yeah?" "It's a girl." "We're having a baby girl." "Say something." "I'm..." "I'm so happy." "I got to go now, sweetheart." "Okay?" "Okay." "I'll see you later." "I love you." "I love you." "Hold that thought." "Your timing's perfect." "My folks just dropped by." "I want you to meet them." "What?" " Joey." " What up, Ken?" "I'm going with you." "You're full of shit." " I'm serious, man." "When do we leave?" " Dude, don't fuck with me." "I'm not." "You're right." "If we don't leave Wisconsin now, we never will." "Besides, without me, you'll never get laid." " Are you serious?" " I'm serious." " You're serious." " I'm serious." " You got any cash?" " $5,000." " You?" " $700." " And a fuckload of cheese." " To cheese." " Hello." " Are you going to be much longer?" "Probably not, no." "Could you just come home now, please?" "I just need a few minutes." "Matthew has been fussy all day." "I think it's his stomach." "And I need some goat's milk." "Okay, I'll be home soon." "Thanks." "Okay." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I can't stand us being like this at each other all the time." "We have to try harder, okay?" "I'm gonna try a lot harder." "I can't." "What?" "It's no good, Lise." "This isn't working." "What are you talking about?" "Look, we have to admit it." "This is destroying us and it's gonna destroy Matty." "Who is it?" " Who?" " What's her name?" "What?" "No, that's not what I'm talking about." "What exactly are you talking about, Chris?" "I'm talking about trying..." "I'm talking about trying to do this apart, for a little while at least." "To do what?" "To raise a child?" "To build a family?" "What, Chris?" "No, I'm trying to understand what the fuck you're saying here." "Or haven't you even really thought about that?" "Shit." "Of course I've thought about it." "It's all I think about!" " Really?" " Yeah." "Or have you just thought about yourself?" "Do you think that this is good for him?" "That kid is gonna hate us if he has to grow up listening to us fight all day long." "So that's it, then." "What about me?" " Am I just so easy to walk away from?" " Lisa, I love you." "Don't you fucking say that to me!" "You have no idea what love is, Chris!" "Lisa." "Listen." "We have a problem and we have to face it." "Oh, you're right, Chris." "You are absolutely right." "Get the fuck out, you fucking asshole!" "You know what?" "If you want to go, go." "I release you." "Go be free." "But don't you ever expect to see me or your child ever again, ever!" "Lisa, stop it." "Jesus, stop it." "Just go." "Please." "Go." " You're staying at a motel?" " No, it's a hotel." "And it's really very nice." "They've got a gym..." "Come on, Mom." "Please." "This is ridiculous." "It's what I chose to do." "I'm going to find a place soon." " And you really think you can start over?" " You mean at my age?" " Yes, yes I do." " I'm still breathing, aren't I?" "I'm still here." "It's a long time ago." "Daddy'll understand." "No, that's..." "That's not the point of this." "You've been together since college." "Yup." "And do you know how miserable I've been almost the whole time?" " I don't think that's true." " Well, I've just kept it from you." "Yeah, trust me, Mom, you're not that good at hiding your emotions." "Really?" "I'm sorry." "You make this difficult because you want it that way." "Men are easy." "And you've been with Michael, what," " three years, right?" " Yeah." "And it took me less than half an hour to figure him out." " Wow." "Oh, you're lucky." "Jeez." " Mom." "You know exactly what Daddy wants." "And you know how to make him happy and how to make him miserable." "Every woman does." "If you're bored, Mom, you know, that's your fault, not his." "Bored." "You've always been your father's daughter, and if you want to side with him this time, that's fine." " This is not about sides, Mom." " Don't!" "Don't pretend that you know what goes into a 30-year marriage, because you don't have a clue." "You don't have a clue." "Are you all right?" "I'm sorry." "I don't want to upset you." "Can we have some chamomile tea, please?" " Hello." " Hey, it's Michael." "Hey, Michael!" "I've been thinking about you." "Really?" "What kind of thoughts?" "You know exactly what kind of thoughts." " What are you doing?" " I'm at work." "Yeah, I'm trying to picture it." "Where's your office?" "It's Zander-Cohen." "It's a pretty big architecture firm." "Impressive." "Do you have a view?" "Yeah." "It's a nice view." "Yeah?" "Can you see what I'm doing?" "It's not that nice." " Are you all right?" " Yeah, I'm fine." "I'm sorry." "So are we still on for tonight?" "Yeah." "Yeah, yeah." "So, like, 8:00, right?" "You want me to pick you up?" "Yeah, 8:00." "I'll be waiting." "All right, cool." "Bye." "Who was that?" "Just this friend." "Do you have a friend I don't know?" "This guy from school." "Going through a divorce." "By the way, I was going to ask you a favor." "What?" "I was gonna go out with him tonight and Jenna fucking hates him, so I'm just gonna tell her I'm with you, if that's cool." "You're fucking around on her." "What?" "It's a guy from school." "No." "Don't get me involved in this, please." "How can you fuck around on Jenna?" "She's perfect." "She's beautiful." "She's like a guy." "What more could you ask for?" " I'm telling her I'm with you." " No." "Michael, what are you doing?" "Don't tell her you're out with me." "No, I'm gonna screw it up." "I can't lie." "You're both gonna hate me forever." "Leave me out of it." " I have faith in you." " No." "Come here." "Michael." "Come here." "Michael, Michael." "Hey, Michael, come here a second." "My boss said to tell you that there's this guy who really wants to buy this thing coming by tomorrow." "But he is full of shit." "I mean, I've worked here for three years." "You're the first people I ever showed it to." "Smoked a lot of weed in there, though." "It's good for that." " Hello." " Izzy, your father, he isn't breathing." "You need to get home quickly." "Okay." "I called the ambulance and the fire volunteers." "I gotta go." "Chris is moving into Kenny's?" "I think so, so they can, like, figure some stuff out." "I don't get it." "He has a child." "I know, but, come on, you've seen them together." "She's sort of lost her mind." " This is her fault?" " It's nobody's fault." "It's just..." "I don't know." "I think he just needs to talk to somebody." " Okay." " I'm not gonna be late." " I'll be at my dad's till around 11:00." " Okay." "God, what's happening?" "Everyone around us is falling apart." "I know." " Have fun." " Thanks." " Hi!" " I got this!" "I don't need it!" " Oh, my God!" " My God!" "Oh, my God." "My top is totally clinging." "You can see everything." "Don't worry, I promise I won't look." "Then I'll be insulted." " Well, I don't want to offend you." " Well, then." "Your top's wet." "Okay." "Where am I going?" "Straight ahead." "Turn left." "Your kind of party, huh?" "I was never in a fraternity." "I was much too serious." "I bet you were 29 even when you were 19." "Put it this way." "If I had to do it again," "I'd do it knowing that after you graduate, no one ever gives a fuck what your GPA was." "Hey!" "Kim!" "Hi!" "This is Sara, and Bridgitte and John." " Hey." "How's it going?" " Cool." "Sorry about that." "At the tone, please record your message." "Chris, it's Jenna." "Michael and you both have your cell phones off." "Listen, Izzy's dad just died." "We're all gonna head over there, so I guess I'll see you guys there." "Bye." "Go ahead." "I'll be okay." " I want things to be okay, Daddy." " I know." "Go ahead." "Take care of your friend." "I'm fine." "I really am." "You have no messages." "Main menu." " Hey." " Hello, Jenna." " I'm so sorry." " Thank you, darling." "Thank you." "Thank you for coming." "Go." "Everybody is in the back room." " Okay." " Thank you." "Hey." "Thanks for coming." " I don't know what to say." "Are you okay?" " No." "I don't know." "The last thing I did was quit on him." "He knew you loved him." " Hey." " Hey." "Hey, where's Michael?" "He went out with Chris." "I haven't been able to reach them." "No, Chris is in the kitchen." " Good." "I'll be back." " Okay." "Hey." " Michael's not here." " Why not?" "I don't know." "Did you try him at home?" "Hi, you've reached Michael and Jenna..." "Hey, he's not there and his cell's still turned off." "You told him you were coming here." "He knows, right?" "I told him." "Or, I mean..." "What?" "Did you?" "Oh, man." "I'm not gonna do this." " I can't do this." " Do what?" " What's wrong?" " Can't do what?" " Chris?" "Chris, can't do what?" " Jenna, please." " Can't do what, Chris?" " You should just talk to Michael." "Talk to him about what, Chris?" "What the hell are you talking about?" "Listen, don't ask me any more questions, please." "He should be telling you." " Tell me what?" " I don't know!" " Where is he?" " I don't know!" " Who is he with right now?" " I don't know!" "Is he seeing somebody?" " Why are you asking me?" " Just tell me the truth." "Is he seeing somebody else, Chris?" "Look at me!" "I'm looking at you." "I don't know if he's seeing anybody else." "You don't know." "How could you not know?" "I don't know anything." "Hey." "This is Michael." " Leave a message..." " What is with the yelling?" " Where did he go?" " I don't know." "Jenna!" "Michael, call me as soon as you get this message." "I'm gonna kill you." "Oh, my God!" "What the hell are you doing?" "You're calling him?" " No, that wasn't him." " To tell him what?" "What is this?" " What the fuck is this?" " I honestly have no fucking idea." " Yes, you do." "Do you know her?" " Just give me a break." " No, I don't." " Do you know her?" " No!" "They just met." "Be quiet." " What?" "Jenna, they're just..." "Listen to me." "Whoa!" "God, I'm gonna kill him!" "Come here." "Jenna!" "Come here!" "Come here!" "Come here!" "Jenna!" "They're just friends!" "Fuck!" "You make me feel 10 years younger." "Ten years?" "Then I'm seducing a younger man." "Excellent." "You're trying to make me lose my mind, aren't you?" "I've already lost mine." "Come on." "Let's go back to my room." "My roommate's gone." "I can spend the whole night making love to you." "Oh, my God." "I can't." "I can't." "I gotta go." "I gotta go." " No, you don't." " Yes, I do." "I gotta go." "This isn't right." " Yeah, it is." " No, no, no." "Kim, it isn't." "And I don't know what I thought was gonna happen tonight." "I definitely know what I hoped was gonna happen tonight." "But this isn't cool." "I really, really, really want to have sex with you." "Yeah." "I can tell." " You can tell that?" " Yeah." "Subtle signs." "But I can't." "I can't." "I'm sorry." "Michael?" "Okay." "It's gonna be okay." "He's gonna come home." "He's gonna come home." "He's gonna come home." "Hey, this is Michael..." "Do something for me." "What?" "Go home, tell her that it's over and leave her." " I can't." " What?" "You're an amazing guy." "You wouldn't be here with me right now unless you knew something was missing in your life." "You can't force things." "I mean, relationships, they either work, or they don't." "I could be your last chance at happiness." "Come inside." "I can't." "Okay." "Good night." " Jenna?" " Where are you?" "Where are you?" "No!" "No!" "No!" "Oh, fuck!" " Jenna, I had an accident." " You asshole!" "I had a car accident!" "Who the fuck are you with, you bastard?" "Jenna!" "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "Fuck!" "I knew this was gonna happen!" "I knew this was gonna fucking happen." "I'm here." "I'm here." "Why would you lie to me, Michael?" "What are you talking about?" "What were you doing all night?" "I was with Chris." "God, you lying bastard." "You make me so sick." "I was with Chris, I swear." "It's him." "You want to ask him?" "You can ask him." "Chris?" "Jenna knows everything." "I didn't tell her." "Michael?" "Hello?" "You don't want me to talk to him?" "Why, is that because you're a lying piece of shit?" "I didn't do anything wrong, Jenna." "Who is she?" " What are you talking about?" " I want to know who she is." "You're blowing this way out of proportion, baby." "Who were you with, Michael?" "This girl I met." "It was nothing." "It was nothing." "Did you have sex with her?" "Tell me." "Did you cheat on me, asshole?" "I kissed her." "It was one kiss and it meant absolutely nothing, baby!" "I did such a stupid thing!" " It was a stupid thing." "I'm so sorry." " You make me sick, you fucking slut." "Slut?" ""Kim"?" "You have her number programmed into your cell phone?" " Who is this dirty whore?" " I didn't sleep with her!" " Who is this fucking whore?" " I didn't sleep with her!" " No." "But you wanted to, right?" " No!" " Bullshit." "Is she prettier than me?" " No!" " Liar!" " No, Jen!" "What am I supposed to do now, huh?" "What the fuck am I supposed to do now?" "You've ruined everything!" "Will you listen to me?" "Nothing happened!" "Nothing?" "You kissed her." "You were out with another woman all night." "I'm pregnant." " Is that fucking nothing to you?" " Yes!" "No!" "How many times did you kiss her?" "Don't you dare lie to me." "Several times." "Oh, God, you make me sick!" "But it didn't mean anything, baby." "She made me realize" "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." "I know that now." "I'm three months pregnant and you're already out trying to fuck other women!" "What's gonna happen 10 years from now?" "How could I ever trust anything you say again?" "Jenna." "Fuck you, man." "It's over." " Jenna." " Get out right now." "I'll tell you when you can come back and get your shit." "Maybe Kimmy can help you pack." " Jenna, we're having a baby." " No." "No, I am the one having this baby." "I'm the pregnant one, not you." "And she's better off with no father than a lying asshole like you!" "You're overreacting." "It was a couple kisses." "After three years, Jenna, things happen." " Not to me, they don't!" "Get out!" " And go where?" "Get out of here!" "Go back to fucking Kim!" "What, are you gonna fucking stab me, Jenna?" " Get out!" " Are you out of your fucking mind?" " Get the fuck out of here!" " Are you out of your fucking mind?" " Get the fuck out!" " Fuck you!" "Fuck you!" " Hello." " Hey." "Don't hang up." "Look, I'm so sorry about before." "I think..." "God, I must've had too much to drink or something, but if I promise not to try to kiss you or anything, will you come over here and talk to me?" "I really need to talk to you." "Anna?" "Anna?" " Hi." " Hey." "I promise I won't touch you." "Hey." "I don't care about tomorrow or anything else." "I just care that you're here." "Fuck!" "Oh, fuck!" "Why'd you leave without saying goodbye?" "I have to go to this work thing." "I didn't want to wake you up." "Have you seen my keys?" "You can't wait to get back to her, can you?" "Can you just please help me find my keys?" "What did I do?" "You didn't do anything, Kim." "You're amazing." "You were amazing." "Last night was perfect." "Here." "Thank you." "Are you gonna call me?" "I'll call you." "Unlock the door, Jenna." "I'm packing." "Come back later." "The house will be empty." "No." "You have to come talk to me." "Things are not going to end like this." " Like I did this." "Move your foot." " I panicked." "I made a huge mistake." "Fuck!" "Jenna, open the door!" "Michael?" "Is anything wrong?" " Everything's fine." "I locked myself out." " Jenna, you're having our baby!" " Yeah, well, maybe I won't keep it!" "Don't you ever say that, Jenna." "Don't ever say anything like that ever again!" "I can do whatever the hell I want." "We're not married, remember?" " We're both free, just like you wanted." " I made a mistake." "You're right." "Too late, man." "Move your goddamn foot." "Hi." "Hi, darling." "What's going on?" "Jenna?" "Sweetheart." "Oh, honey." "Sweetheart, what's the matter?" "All right, come on." "Come on, just come in." "Oh, sweetie." "You'll be fine, sweetheart." " Jenna?" " Hey, it's me." " Hello." " Is she there?" "Anna?" "I'm coming over." "Please don't tell her." "I know I'm being such a pain in the ass right now, but I had to come and see you." " Hi." " Hi." "I know you're like, "This girl's a freak, get her away from me,"" "but I have something for you." "Don't you want to know what it is?" "I made you, like, the best mix CD ever." "I mean, there's a ton of stuff on it." "Like some really cool Madison bands that I'm sure you've never heard of before." "And, like, the first song that we danced to." "And there's also, like, this song of me playing the flute which you're gonna think is totally God-awful." "But I thought it'd..." " Kim." " What?" "There's something I have to tell you." "I'm having a baby with a woman that I'm very much in love with." "You told me that you were confused, that you wanted to leave her." "I know." "I was confused, Kim." "I was so confused." "And it was wrong of me to get you tangled up in that." "How could you not tell me that you were having a baby?" "Because I'm an asshole." "I did a bad thing." "I have no excuse." "There nothing I can say to you other than that I'm so sorry, and it's really not about you at all." "Why do people always say that?" "How can it not be about me if you can sleep with me one minute, and then walk out on me the next?" "I'm sorry, Kim." "I gotta go." " All right." " All right." "No, you'll be fine." "You are the suckiest driver." "No way." "I'm not." "Well, how many miles do you think you guys will be making fun of me for?" "I'd say pretty much the whole entire way." "I'm not going to make fun of you." "I think there's a bus stop..." " Is there a bus down there?" "Oh, good." " It's four miles." "Because my friends aren't giving me a ride home, so..." "I think it's going to rain." "Sorry I'm not coming, guys." " No, don't apologize." " No." "You're doing the right thing, man." " Send a postcard?" " Sure." "Call me." "Fly's down." "Honey." "Michael's coming over." " You told him I was here?" " He knew." "Come on, Mom." "Jenna, sweetheart, look, I know." "I know it hurts like hell and I am sorry, I really am." "But you know, two days ago you told me these things happen..." "You and Daddy have been together 30 years, Mom." "We aren't even married yet and he's already cheating on me." "I know." "I know." "And I really don't need you to defend him right now, okay?" "I'm not." "There's nothing to defend." "It's despicable." "He did an awful thing." "It's not an awful thing, Mom." "It's an unforgivable thing." "Unforgivable?" "What do you want?" " I just want to talk to you!" " Get out of here!" "It's over!" " Jenna?" " You hear me?" "It's over!" " So what are we supposed to do?" " Let him in." "Thank you." "No, wait." "Let me talk to her again." "Jenna." "Open up." "Michael's not here." "He's outside with your dad." "Jenna." "Have you got something to say for yourself?" "I don't know, I'm..." "I panicked." "I got scared." "Well, that's a very compelling argument." "You won't have any trouble convincing her of that." "What the fuck were you thinking?" "Did you just get bored?" " No, I'm just an idiot." " On that much, we're agreed." "I love her, Stephen." "I realize now I love her more than I will ever love anybody else." "Stop talking about love." "Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody." " It means nothing." " But it's true." "It still doesn't mean anything." "What you feel only matters to you." "It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters." "It's the only thing that counts." "And you did do this thing, right?" "I just saw the rest of my life, and there were no more surprises." "This was it." "I mean, it was great..." "But it was it." "What makes you think this isn't gonna happen again?" " I know it won't." " Oh, right." "Come on!" "Aren't we supposed to be able to learn from our mistakes?" "I did something horrible, but I learned from it." "I met this little brunette and I faltered." "Are you telling me that throughout your entire marriage you never faltered?" "You haven't?" "Never?" " Never." " Oh, that makes me feel great." "You think it's because I wasn't tempted?" "You think that this woman is the last brunette that's ever gonna let you know that she wants you?" "Look at me." "I haven't met my last brunette." "She's the last one I'm gonna kiss." "I'm in love with your daughter, Stephen." "And maybe that doesn't mean anything to you, but I'm standing here." "You're her father." "I'm looking you in the eyes and I'm telling you," "I will do anything in the world to get your daughter back." " Really?" "Anything?" " I'll do anything." " People say that." "They don't mean it." " But I mean it." "Well, it's very simple." "Just do whatever it takes." " It's that simple." " Yes." "You can't fail if you don't give up." "You know, being right isn't all it's cracked up to be." "And you can't try so hard to control it all." "You know, life is pretty much in the grays for the most part." "And if you insist always on black and white, you are gonna be very unhappy." "That's a convenient philosophy for you, Mom." "Look, I don't defend what I did to your father." "But the truth of the matter is that we both gave up." "But now we are trying, we are trying very hard to get back on track by listening to each other, something we've never done." "Honey, whatever you decide about Michael, talk to him." "As painful as it is." "Don't be so quick to walk away." "She's in her room." "People know the truth." "They may not like it or want to know it, but they always know." "Lie, and you will lose her." "It'll never happen again in my life." "I promise." "Why did you do something so awful to me?" "Because I was scared." "Do you know what?" "I don't want to hear it." "You said you're okay with having this baby." "What am I supposed to say to you, Jenna?" "I'm terrified that my life is over?" "I'm terrified because I don't think I'm ready to grow up yet?" "I mean, a guy can't say that to the woman that's having his baby." " You would've never forgiven me." " No, you're right, and I don't." "That doesn't mean I feel that way now, though." "No, now you feel guilty." "You're still scared." "You're just scared of what I'll do to you." "Well, that's true." " You were really terrified?" " Jenna, I am terrified." "So am I, you idiot." "I'm scared I'm gonna be a bad mother, and you won't love me, and you'll ignore me, and..." "I won't want you, and the whole thing will fall apart and I won't know what to do." " Baby, that's not gonna happen." " How do you know?" "Because I know." " You know now, you didn't know before?" " Yes." "I know now." "Were you telling me the truth last night?" "You didn't sleep with her?" "I was telling you the truth." "But then I went back." "Fuck you!" "Jenna." "Calm down!" "Listen to me." "I'm telling you the truth." " Get the fuck out!" " I'm telling you the truth!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "I'm sorry!" "I'm trying to be totally honest with you!" "Jenna, I could've lied and I'd be inside that door right now, but I didn't." "Isn't the truth more important than anything else, Jenna?" "Not if the truth is you slept with another woman!" "Jen?" "Just listen to me for one second." "I'm so sorry." "Baby, I'm so sorry." "Jenna, please..." " Don't touch me!" " Listen to me for one second." "I mean it!" "I mean it!" "Get..." "Get away from me!" "Where are you going to go, Jenna?" "Jenna?" " Get away from me!" " Listen to me!" "Jenna?" "Stop!" "I love you!" " Motherfucker." " Jenna?" "Jenna?" "Don't even think about coming in the house." "Michael, I mean it." " Okay." "I'm not gonna come inside." " Damn right, you're not." "But I'm not gonna leave, either." "I'm not gonna leave, Jenna." "You're gonna have to come talk to me sooner or later." "Go away!" "I can't!" "I'm sorry." "I can't." "I love you, and I don't deserve you, but this is our home." "This is our home, Jenna, and I'm..." "I'm not gonna leave this porch until you talk to me." "Jenna?" "Hey." "I'm not coming back." "I'm sorry." "But I'm moving into Kenny's." "I'm still gonna be his dad." "Okay." "Good." " Hey." " You can start now." "Hi." "Sorry?" "Lise?" "I'm exhausted, Chris." "Everything you need is in here." "You need anything else, call." "Otherwise, I will see you on Monday." "I'm here, kid." "I'll never leave you." "Michael?" "Michael?" " It's sparkling!" " Thank you, Réjean." "Thank you." "Do you remember the day my grandmother died?" "Jenna?" "Remember how they let me in so that I could kiss her goodbye?" "There was this pain in my heart that day that I had never felt before," "and that I've never felt again until now." "I feel like I'm mourning the death of the single most important thing in my life." "Us." "But we're not dead, Jenna." "We're not dead, baby." "We just have to go back." "I'm begging you." "I'm begging you." "Please love me enough to let us go back to the way things were." "I don't think I can, Michael." "Well, then, we'll start something new, but we have to try, right?" "How can we not try?" "Jenna?" "Jenna?"