"Fraser, resting." "Not so much as a peep." "When I was very little, the thing I hated most in all the world was resting." "Resting was really just a kind of torture invented for people like me and my sister Brenda." "Invented for people like me and my sister Brenda." "It was one of the things gamma told us to do, and everybody had to do everything gamma told them, even when everybody else was outside having fun." "Play nicely, children, not like a tube of cannibalistic baboons." "And I did my very famous bad thing." "And I did my very famous bad thing 'cause I was being made to rest and it was a beautiful sunny day." "He's on the roof!" "No, child." "Fraser is resting." "No, no." "He's on the roof!" "Ohh." "I suppose he must have climbed up the drainpipe." "Don't be daft." "He's climbed through the window." "Now, you all stay calm, children." "Yes, gamma." "Edward, do something." "Crawford!" "Hurry!" "Crawford!" "Crawford!" "Fraser!" "Stop, darling." "Oh, my." "Crawford, get the net outside under the child." "Good thinking, Edward." "Get the dogs out from under the net." "They'll be crushed." "Fraser." "Watch yourself, sir." "Edward, get a rope!" "My dad didn't want us to go into our attic, so he told us that that was where the devil lurked." "Every since, I've been terrified of the word "lurked."" "He's in the front, Mr. pettigrew." "Huh?" "Yes, but which direction?" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Our house is probably too big, which is why my mum kept having babies, so that we can keep it filled up." "Fraser!" "Fraser!" "♪ Fraser ♪" "She could have just as easily been an opera singer." "She auditioned for the great blanche marchesi, but then she met my dad and threw away her opera career for love." "Fraser!" "Please, darling." "Please, darling." "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "The only language that me and my dad both really understood was dog." "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "It was our ability to communicate in dog that lead him to me on the roof, and saved my life." "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "I'm 10 now, and me and my dad don't talk dog much anymore." "I got the tail end!" "And off you go." "My dad is amazing." "He's an inventor and a genius." "Sometimes he combines his mechanical genius sometimes he combines his mechanical genius with his great love for Beethoven." "Daddy's coming!" "Daddy's coming!" "Daddy's coming!" "Semi-submersible, vulcanized pantaloons!" "A burden to tradesmen and gentry alike." "So you can find his sloppy trousers where farewell to drippy fox!" "Daddy, daddy." "After his water triumph, dad's next ambition is to conquer the air." "It's 7 years since my famous bad thing," "It's 7 years since my famous bad thing, and I still don't have any fear of heights." "Ready, Fraser?" "Ready, dad!" "He says that's why I'm such help to him with his flying experiments." "7-- 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" "They flew the aeroplane!" "It's gorgeous." "Welcome to kiloran." "I'm Edward pettigrew." "Bonjour." "Sorry, hello." "I'm Gabriel chenoux, the emperor of the air." "I have a problem with my" "I have a problem with my" "My filter." "Do you know about engines?" "Oh, perhaps." "Oh, this is amazing." "Oh, let's see if there's something" "I seem to have landed in some sort of shangri-la here." "Some hidden world where angels walk upon the surface of the earth." "A paradise from whence no human heart may leave unscorched." "Ooh!" "Well, Mr. chenoux, then..." "He just dropped out of the sky, like daedalus." "Daedalus?" "Who's daedalus?" "Daedalus?" "Who's daedalus?" "Icarus?" "Daedalus was the father." "Ahh." "I meant icarus." "The one who flew too close to the sun." "Ahh." "That's him." "Except icarus didn't have a sheepskin flying helmet on, or goggles, or a big coat." "All he had on was a pair of golden swimming trunks." "Fraser." "Don't dress language like that." "Swimming trunks." "Anyway, icarus fell and landed on his head and burst open and died." "We might well have something." "We might well have something up our sleeves for you." "You know, even if" "I would have found a place to land," "I would have had to send somebody to call away for a motor truck." "Well, we may not be at the forefront of aerodynamical mechanics, Mr. emperor, but I'm sure my men can rustle up an air filter from available materials." "Wouldn't you say, Jim?" "What would that be, Mr. pettigrew?" "Oh, I was just thinking that what might do the trick in terms of replacing the air filter might well be some of our sphagnum." "Sphagnum?" "You are, at this moment, Mr. emperor, privileged you are, at this moment, Mr. emperor, privileged to be standing in the only sphagnum moss factory in Europe." "And the biggest." "And the best!" "My father invented and patented the pettigrew power intensifier." "Did he, you say." "Flabbergasting." "Flabbergasting." "It fits onto the carburetor." "Mr. emperor, are you going to let us have a ride in your aeroplane?" "Well, I think it's up to your father to say." "Ask him." "Dad, can I?" "Dad says the view of kiloran was a sight he would treasure for the rest of his life." "And that we all looked like bugs." "But he says I'm far too young to go up in the plane." "It was seeing kiloran from up in the emperor's aeroplane that gave him one of his best ideas." "It was during the great war that we first started mining moss." "It was used for putting on soldiers' wounds, because it was 10 times more absorbent than cotton wool." "So when they were horribly wounded, it was our moss that soaked up their blood and guts and everything." "That was, by far, the most effective solution." "We could see it so clearly from the aeroplane." "We reroute the moss trails through the hillside and we save a 3-mile journey to the pressing plants." "Uh, if you say so, Mr. pettigrew." "Just lay the charges, Andrew." "You let me worry just lay the charges, Andrew." "You let me worry about the logistical planning." "Good lord." "What's that buffoon doing now, mother?" "Let me handle this, Morris." "Edward!" "Edward!" "I don't think Mrs. macintosh will be too pleased." "Well, that'll be the cavalry arrived." "Master Morris there-- Right hard-nosed bugger." "And if I know master Morris, there'll be no more of this damned foolish dynamiting nonsense." "He'll no be keen to see his inheritance blown to pieces." "Blown to pieces." "I have never, in all my born days, witnessed such irresponsible behavior." "The estate is not yours, Edward, to go around destroying and exploding without so much as "by your leave."" "And, besides, you'll frighten the sheep!" "What makes you think it's yours to blow up, Edward?" "Sheer, bloody-minded vandalism, I should say." "Andrew" "Tell the men to pack up when they've cleared this." "We'll be doing no more blasting today." "Right, Mr. pettigrew." "Andrew burns says it was a very good idea, dad." "Does he?" "Ah, well." "Uncle Morris has rolled back into town, and gamma thinks uncle Morris knows best, when it comes to managing his kiloran..." "Even though he lives 500 miles away and only shows his face once in a blue moon." "And only shows his face once in a blue moon." "I know, and he's a right hard-nosed bugger." "Well, he's a pettigrew." "What's a blue moon, dad?" "Grr!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "Ruff!" "My dad has 2 obsessions" "Beethoven and the Bible." "As usual, every Sunday, we have to listen to him preach." "Healthy mind and a healthy body." "What is it that we mean when we speak of a healthy mind?" "We mean a direct, manly attitude towards our faith." "Now I take my text today from, ah, from the words of the glorious hymn by William Blake." ""Bring me my bow of burning gold!" "Bring me my arrows of desire!"" ""Until we have built Jerusalem on england's..."" "Uncle Morris says our minister's liver is going to explode." "But if you're a minister, you'll go straight to heaven, won't you?" "Dad?" "Dad?" "When people die and go to heaven, does everybody get a house of their own?" "To live in?" "Uh-huh." "Hmm." "Heaven is like living in the place you love best for all eternity." "So it'd be like, just like staying here, then, wouldn't it?" "It'd be like not dying at all." "Fraser, that's..." "Very poetically put, and it's very apt." "I was thinking something along those lines myself" "About the nature of home." "Don't forget toash your hands, now, Finlay." "♪ In pastures green... ♪" "♪ In pastures green... ♪" "Ahh." "Magnificent." "Norwegian pine, sitka spruce." "What are they, uncle Morris?" "Commercial softwoods." "What's a commercial softwood?" "It's what your father should be planting instead of his damn moss." "Trees." "For the paper and timber industry." "Not handfuls of sphagnum moss from out of a filthy bog." "You'll miss Sunday lunch!" "Fine." "Fine." "Come on, lunch." "Donald!" "Finlay!" "Come on, lunch!" "Coming, Mr. macintosh." "I'm coming, Mr. macintosh, I'm coming!" "My uncle Morris had made his fortune in liverpool and his home in London when he wasn't nightclubbing around Paris and monte Carlo." "He always brings the latest jazz records with him, mostly to irritate my father." "One time I heard him tell my dad that he'd kick us out of kiloran once he'd inherited it, that we'd have to live in the moss factory." "But dad said uncle Morris was only kidding." "But dad said uncle Morris was only kidding." "We reckon he's a good laugh, our uncle Morris." "Who's this?" "Who's this?" "Dun-da la-la la-dun" "Reverend finlayson!" "Yes, good." "I caught him drinking out of the Bible." "Oh?" "He had a drink out of the good book, did he?" "I have--well, there you are." "Let me just sit here and..." "Here, hold this." "Hold this, Finlay." "Gamma doesn't let father smoke in the house." "My father smokes wherever he wants." "He used to have to ask my mother he used to have to ask my mother but now he doesn't." "Uncle Morris, do you have to do everything you're told by gamma macintosh as well?" "Absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt..." "And seek permission for any new venture." "What new venture?" "Well, let's say for instance" "Well, just for an example..." "Say I was of a mind to get married." "If old Mrs. macintosh said no, would you have to tell your betrothed it was all off?" "Well, let's just suppose that my prospective wife that my prospective wife was a good deal younger than I am and she just happened to be French." "Is she very beautiful?" "Oh, yeah." "Oh, yes, Finlay." "Is she as beautiful as my mother?" "Oh, you think moira is beautiful, huh?" "My wee sister, beautiful?" "'Course I do!" "Father says," ""my, my, you're looking beautiful today." "Fancy slipping upstairs for a slank, moira?"" "A slank?" "Is that what he says?" "I must remember that." "I must remember that." "What?" "Slip upstairs for a slank." "What?" "Why is that funny?" "What?" "Mr. pettigrew says, "fancy who you slank, missus." "Time for a slank." "Fight for a slank-you."" "Slank you, banky, hanky, slanky!" "The accounts are a shambles, mother." "The income from this nonsensical moss business is a pittance." "All dad's investment in this estate is just..." "Dribbling away." "Is just..." "Dribbling away." "Tsk." "Tsk." "Tsk." "Right!" "Boys, 6... 1, 2, 3, 4..." "Just look at him." "5, 6." "Let's go!" "Come on, gird your loins!" "You're all bonkers!" "Mean, all this running around naked and dog behavior." "Oh, there may be a bit of a fool in Edward, but he's a kind fool." "Kiloran isn't a business, Morris" "It's our home." "Your father understood that better than anyone." "Edward worships moira and moira adores him." "You're just an old softie, mother." "Good lord." "Stoddard, isn't it?" "Hey, Mr. Morris." "Hey, Mr. Morris." "Didn't I dismiss you last summer?" "Eh" "Mr. pettigrew brought you back, did he?" "Typical." "You know, mother, I think it's time" "I sorted this place out." "I mean, it's just bedlam." "Like a zoo!" "No, daddy!" "Daddy, no!" "Whoa!" "Consternation only intensifies the sensation of chop, boys." "I'm clean, daddy, I promise you." "I'm clean, daddy, I promise you." "I'm very, very clean." "Ha-ah-ah!" "Whoo!" "It's not healthy, father." "Dr. gebbie said I have to tell you." "It could make your heart stop." "I'm gonna run and hide in the woods." "Fraser!" "No!" "Fraser, come back!" "Argh!" "Argh!" "Aah!" "That was the first time that I saw the hairy man." "No one else saw him." "He must have been a figment." "Anyway, I think he was more frightened than I am." "If you plant a boiler house and a chimney stack there, Edward, you will disfigure kiloran beyond repair." "And if you put a chimney there, dear, the smoke will blow into the nursery, dear." "It will poison our children." "Aha." "Aha!" "The pettigrew draft-resisted, horizontal, underground fume extractor." "Brilliant, Mr. pettigrew!" "Really, moira, the man was mad!" "Whoever heard of a chimney under the lawn?" "Whoever heard of a chimney under the lawn?" "Edward's terribly practical, mother." "I'm sure it'll work." "What, and this is for insulating all the new central heating, right?" "That's right, Andrew." "I've never seen anything like it in my puff." "Anthony, they've decided to call it asbestos." "Tastes like your mother's porridge." "Oh." "Do you really have a fiancee, uncle Morris?" "Do I what?" "Do you really have a fiancee, uncle Morris?" "Indeed I do, Finlay." "Indeed I do." "Is she a secret?" "Well, she was until this afternoon." "What's her name, uncle Morris?" "And where did you meet her?" "Her name is heloise..." "And I suppose, uh, I met her on a golf course." "Frog's legs-- That's another one." "Also, snails and slugs." "Ugh!" "That's unbelievable." "Ugh!" "That's unbelievable." "That's disgusting' you mean." "It's hardly likely, kiki, that you would be expected to perform" "French cookery for the woman." "Good, plain Scottish fare will have to do her." "Finest food in the world." "Many a-fancy trimmins..." "Or garlic." "I ate garlic once." "I was confined to a bed for nearly a month with rheumatic pains and even a little gout." "You went to bed with a little goat, marnie?" "No, dear, not goat." "I was confined to a bed with a little gout." "I was confined to a bed with a little gout." "Is it true Mr. Morris met his fiancee miss golfinter?" "In tumbron tale." "Apparently, she was playin'..." "In a dance band." "He's a great one for the dancer now, master Morris." "Playing what?" "Well, apparently, it was a musical instrument." "Glockenspiel." "She plays the French cello, and her name is heloise." "Aha!" "The French cello, master Fraser?" "Aha!" "The French cello, master Fraser?" "Uncle Morris was having a whiskey and soda to buck up his spirits after losing to a dreadful bogey on the 17th when this beautiful music wafted into the room and went through to see what it was." "And he saw heloise bowing her cello in the French trio, and he said to himself, there and then," ""that's the girl for you, Morris, my boy."" "And he asked the leader of the French trio if the lovely cellist would play him a solo." "He requested le cygne by Saint-saens." "He requested le cygne by Saint-saens." "'Cause he knew it was French, and he wanted to impress her." "And the very next day he took her to Robbie burns' cottage for cream tea, and asked her if she'd do him the honor of becoming his wife." "I think that's so lovely." "So sad, as well." "I think that makes you want to weep." "What was that again that Mr. Morris asked his fiancee to play for him, master Fraser?" "Le cygne, which means "the swan."" "That is so beautiful." "That is so beautiful." "The swan--would that be a song you would know yourself, Fraser?" "Uh-huh." "Mumsie has it on a gramophone recording." "It's this..." "Oh, that was beautiful, heloise." "Thank you so much." "I see you're wearing the choker." "I wonder whether you and I might have a little talk, mother." "It'd be my pleasure to conduct you on a personal tour of the pettigrew world of moss." "Yeah, I'd like that very much." "That was lovely." "Thank you so much." "Thank you so much." "I adored it." "It was lovely." "Uncle Morris?" "What, Fraser?" "Good luck, uncle Morris." "The moss itself has, uh, properties which are one at the same time both antiseptic and" "The spackling is 10 times more absorbent than cutting wood." "Ohh." "And, dear, these women we see here, they're the cutters and the bailers." "Afternoon, Mr. pettigrew, sir." "Hey, hey, sir." "Brawn, Bonnie afternoon of it brawn, Bonnie afternoon of it we're having anew, my Lassie." "There's an advantage to have a working knowledge of the local vernacular." "The cutters and the bailers..." "The cutters have the job cutting the moss." "Uh-huh, and the bailers have" "The bailers have the job of doing the bailing." "Oh!" "A considerable quantity of, uh, water has to be, uh, removed from the moss before it can be, uh, racked and" "For drying!" "And we make cigars from the dried moss." "Didn't we, dad?" "It is not one of our better ideas." "Now, this is just taking some soap down to the end of the cottage." "Ohh!" "Just one of my little bits." "What's this?" "Father made it himself." "And what we have here are the..." "Little storeroom shop we have here." "Might be able to have myself a little, uh, selection..." "Might be able to have myself a little, uh, selection..." "Look, there's Jim menries." "Hello!" "He's our blacksmith." "He's so strong he can crack things in half." "Oh, that's very impressive." "Ooh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "Is all the moss factory your father's invention, Fraser?" "All of it!" "Everything." "It's the only moss factory through the entire continent of the whole of Europe." "Mmm..." "He's a very clever man, your father." "I know." "He's an inventor and a genius." "Mmm..." "What a beautiful scent." "It reminds me of when we would catch ecrevisse in the river catch ecrevisse in the river and wrap them in moss to bring them home..." "When I was your age." "What age are you now, miss?" "I'm 24..." "But don't tell your grandmother." "What are ecrevisse?" "Ecrevisse are crayfish!" "Ignorant little boy!" "Species of miniature, freshwater lobster." "And very delicious to eat." "And very delicious to eat." "I--I knew that, father, I meant" "Well, Fraser, I think you've pestered heloise with your silly, irritating prattle quite long enough for one afternoon." "I haven't!" "You're severely testing our patience." "Can you not see heloise is bored stiff?" "Now, up to the house." "But, dad-- Up to the house!" "I'd..." "Like you to accept this..." "Small gift, as a souvenir of my moss factory." "Soap, cologne, soap, cologne, and a soothing unguent of sphagnum." "It's you that's irritating!" "And it's you that's pestering!" "And it's you that's ignorant!" "Ahh, Fraser!" "How would you like to be the first young man to come and shake your favorite uncle's hand?" "Leave me alone!" "I hate him!" "Fraser!" "What's happened?" "What's the matter?" "The boy is getting out of control, moira." "His father had better take a firmer hand with him." "His father had better take a firmer hand with him." "One tantrum hot on the heels of another." "Fraser..." "Fraser?" "Whoo-hoo!" "Fraser!" "Fraser?" "Come talk to mumsie, darling." "Enchanté." "Enchanté." "It's dad's fault if I'm ignorant, because he never tells me about anything useful." "If you ask him why Beethoven is so wonderful, he says stuff like..." "Beethoven is the sound of god talking in his sleep." "Beethoven is the sound of god talking in his sleep." "And if you ask him why he hates jazz, he says things like..." "Jazz is the sound of the devil, sniggering at our folly, Fraser." "So you end up not knowing anything..." "Except now I know for sure the devil doesn't lurk in our attic, 'cause that's where I lurk." "The devil lurks wherever he wants." "He's like me." "He isn't afraid of heights, either." "I've decided to read all of grandpa macintosh's books so that I know more than my dad does." "Someone has written inside the cover." ""Dearest Samuel," ""forbidden fruits are always the sweetest." ""I have many things I'd like to teach you," ""if only we could find the opportunity." ""If only we could find the opportunity." "The very thought arouses me to lubricious ecstasies."" "Probably a golfing friend." "Well, if you're ready, sir, I'll lead off." "All right?" "Mr. macintosh?" "We're ready, Andrew." "You just give the word." "Bye-bye!" "Bye, mumsie!" "Fraser!" "I was looking for you." "So..." "You enjoy Saint-saens." "Yes, when you played it, aunt heloise." "Is that the music you played when uncle Morris became smitten, aunt heloise?" "Listen..." "When nobody's around, I want you to call me simply heloise." "D'accord?" "D'accord?" "Ok." "Um..." "Do you know what this is?" "It's jazz." "Mmm!" "♪ Life can be so sweet ♪" "♪ On the sunny side of the street ♪" "Heloise?" "I though it was one of the children misbehaving." "Morris told me you sing." "No!" "No, not-- Well, not really." "Well, um, a little bit." "Ahh!" "I auditioned, uh, but nothing came of it." "Ahh." "Blanche marchesi thought I might have a future, but..." "Alas, it was not to be." "Oh." "Perhaps we could try a duet." "N-no." "Yes, I would, actually." "Oh, on the cello, of course." "You'd, um..." "Oh, on the cello, of course." "You'd, um..." "Fantastic!" "Ok." "♪ Oh, my love ♪" "♪ Is like a red, red rose ♪" "♪ That's newly sprung in June ♪" "♪ Oh, my love ♪" "♪ Is like a melody ♪" "♪ Is like a melody ♪" "♪ That's sweetly played in tune ♪" "♪ As fair art thou ♪" "♪ My Bonnie lass ♪" "♪ So deep in love am I ♪" "♪ And I will love thee ♪" "♪ Still, my dear ♪" "♪ Till all the seas gang dry ♪" "♪ Till all the seas gang dry, my dear ♪" "♪ Till all the seas gang dry, my dear ♪" "♪ Till all the seas gang dry ♪" "♪ And I will love thee ♪" "♪ Still, my dear ♪" "♪ Till all the seas gang dry ♪" "Mmm." "Beautiful." "Waist, waist, waist." "Aye, aye, aye." "22. 22, aye." "And the rest, and the rest." "Inside leg, inside leg." "Aye. 21, 21." "Oh, go away!" "Don't look!" "Go away!" "All right, boys, you can put your things on now." "Ah, Scottish men." "Hee hee!" "Oh, it's gorgeous." "Yeah, that's for your auntie heloise now, Meg." "Yeah, that's for your auntie heloise now, Meg." "It used to belong to my dear husband's mother." "I know." "Maurice told me when he gave it to me." "I think it is the most beautiful thing." "I wore it on the first day to please you." "Well, you did please me." "Morris is a very fortunate man." "Mumsie?" "Yes, love." "Aunt heloise says we can call her just heloise." "We will call your aunt heloise auntie," "I think, young madam." "Sorry, gamma." "I've fallen head over heals with heloise." "I think everybody has." "I think everybody has." "Rhythm and timing!" "♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪" "This little unsuspecting fishy hiding in the weeds, when suddenly... ♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪" "The hunter strikes!" "My dad decided it's time to learn the manly art of hunting fish." "♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪" "Fraser, liberate your brother, will you?" "♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪" "♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪" "♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪" "This means getting up before everybody else and standing in the freezing cold water." "♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪" "And you have to sing bits of Beethoven to be in the proper rhythm." "I spend half my time learning to fish in ice cold water and have my time learning things out of grandpa macintosh's secret books." "In one of the books, Greek mythology, there's a lovely picture of a lady and a swan, there's a lovely picture of a lady and a swan, which is le cygne in French." "Also another lady called pasiphae and her pet bull which she loved hugely." "Cast!" "I found an article about a thing called prostitution." "I read it 3 times." "It's one of the most interesting things" "I've ever come across." "There aren't just secret books." "There are also secret engravings hidden in them." "There are also secret engravings hidden in them." "These are mainly of Belgian ladies with all their clothes off, which is called being en des habits." "Also in the encyclopedia of ethics, it says what to do if you accidentally see pictures like these." "What's really great about learning the manly art of fishing is that it give you loads of time to think about is that it give you loads of time to think about what you've read in the secret library." "And the books give you loads of things to think about while you're fishing." "And that's why my dad wants me out of the attic" "Because he doesn't want me to know anything." "It probably suits him if I'm ignorant and don't know about the things he knows about, like the naked ladies in grandpa macintosh's library." "Well, now I probably know more about naked ladies well, now I probably know more about naked ladies than he does." "Come on." "Come on, dogget." "So then, if we knocked that wall down there, and extend 3 hours that way, then we'll have room for the drying machines to" "I love this moss." "So do I." "It's like a perfume." "Morris, of course, hates it." "No, he doesn't" "He does, he wants to destroy it, all of it." "He has no soul, your fiancé." "He has no--no romance in his soul." "Edward?" "Edward?" "So, uh..." "Now, do I get the kiss?" "Like, what you did with Fraser." "What?" "You know, how you rewarded him for, uh, throwing moss." "Fraser's a child." "And you, Morris' child bride to be." "And you, Morris' child bride to be." "Edward..." "I don't want this talk." "Edward, I want to go back to the house now." "You're behaving like a child." "Yes?" "I beg your pardon, Mr. Morris, but Jim's just arrived from the station with what looks like more guests." "Ah, excellent, excellent." "Oh, yes." "It's, uh, Hector and Lillian." "Good." "Her name's Lillian, but, uh..." "We call her Billie." "Hmm." "I'll just, uh, put these back in the study." "Why?" "Oh, you know how gamma is about strong drink." "Can't say I disagree myself, especially with Mr. finlayson at dinner." "Especially with Mr. finlayson at dinner." "Why don't just leave them where they were, in fact, Edward." "Wouldn't want to appear inhospitable." "Edward..." "This moss business..." "What about the moss?" "If you're going to manage this ple properly, you'll have to come up with a better scheme." "Something that's more realistic, less childish." "Something that's more realistic, less childish." "What's childish about the sphagnum moss processing factory?" "Just look at yourself." "You're a grown man." "You're still walking around the place with Hanks of the stuff hanging off your clothes and sticking out of your hair." "Oh." "Ha ha, look at that." "You can't get away from it." "There'll have to be some serious changes here." "Some cutbacks and the like." "What are you getting at, Morris?" "You're so busy wheeling and dealing, making your money, you're so busy wheeling and dealing, making your money, that you've forgotten that we have a family here." "A happy family." "Good morning, wee Fraser." "Hello." "You breeze in here with your exotic child fiancée, less than half your age, less than half your age, and you throw your weight around." "Ah, just look at you two!" "Morris!" "A couple of desperados up from the big city." "Morris, darling." "Hey, Hector." "Welcome back to the pile, chaps." "Heloise, there you are." "Are you all right?" "Come, I want you to meet some friends." "This is Billie, and Hector, this is heloise." "My exotic child fiancèe." "My exotic child fiancèe." "Listen, you'll never believe this in a million years!" "It's for disemboweling deer, look!" "Shh!" "What, what, sissie?" "One of Mr. Morris' friends is a woman dressed up as a man." "Cow bell, only his real name is Billie." "Her name, I mean." "What do you mean, dressed up as a man called Billie?" "Do you mean like, a cowboy, like Billy the kid?" "You mean like fancy dress?" "It's like a costume?" "No, that's how she's dressed, no, that's how she's dressed, as if she was really a real man in real life." "Probably a lesbian." "Master Fraser, you'll get skinned alive for language like that!" "They generally come from the Greek island of lesbos." "And they're called lesbians for that reason." "Oh, master Fraser!" "Language like what, Sarah?" "I never said a word!" "It's him who should get his mouth washed out!" "Although, I don't think Billie or Lillian are traditional Greek names." "There's no chance one of you young lovelies there's no chance one of you young lovelies might find it in their hearts to iron these for me, is there?" "Crawford saw Jesus on the lawn this morning." "On the lawn." "Who?" "Jesus." "Just right out there on the lawn." "Jesus Christ." "Didn't you, Crawford?" "Uh-huh." "Jesus walked across the loch, then over the lawn, towards the house." "Was Jesus, by any chance, was Jesus, by any chance, wearing a pair of Edward's semi-submersible, vulcanized pantaloons?" "I know who you mean." "I've seen him, too." "I saw him down in the moss factory this morning, when the lady screamed." "Who screamed?" "Fraser, Jesus doesn't like little boys who tell wicked fibs." "Sorry, gamma" "No, well, sometimes Jesus might forgive a fib if it's to protect a loved one from harm, Fraser." "If it's to protect a loved one from harm, Fraser." "No, if you claim to be a Christian and you tell a lie, you are a hypocrite and not a Christian." "You can't do a bad thing and be a good man." "You can't have it both ways." "Now, who can I help to a little glass of this claret?" "Minister..." "You'll not object to keeping Morris company amongst all these abstemious souls?" "Well..." "No, there is a wedding to celebrate." "Well, I really don't like to" "I mean, I really don't think I should." "On the other hand, um..." "Wouldn't like to, uh..." "Uh, sissie, you must tell Mrs. Henderson her kokaliki soup's a triumph." "I think it might be cream of asparagus, ma'am." "Your trifle ready for the cream yet, Sarah?" "It says Sherry first, then whipped cream, Mrs. Henderson." "Oh." "Right." "You may fetch some Sherry from the cellar." "Oh!" "Right, girls." "Vegetables." "Sissie, you're nips and potatoes." "Aggie, you get the brussel sprouts." "Come on, come on!" "That's the scandal of the thing." "Terrible suffering of the families" "Oh, god, he's off." "Miners have seen their wages actually chopped in half." "It's no wonder they threatened to withdrawal labor." "I believe I hear of talk that there's to be a bonspiel at kiloran this winter." "Hmm." "In honor of the newlyweds." "Who shall blame them?" "Who indeed, Mr. Finlayson, who indeed?" "Edward?" "Well, if the lord sees fit to bless us with 3 inches of deep black ice, then that's exactly what we'll be having for David." "What is this "bonspiel," Morris?" "Curling." "Slippery bowling." "It's the Scottish nation's greatest gift to the world." "After golf that, is." "After golf that, is." "Ah." "It's a game, I see." "Mrs. Henderson, you've excelled yourself." "It's rarely she manages anything so good." "So, are dogs allowed in?" "To heaven?" "Yes." "Dogs." "Of course." "Perfectly free of sin in their hearts." "So heaven is full of people's pets that have died and gone to wait for them?" "The Christian faith is a very muscular thing, heloise." "The Christian faith is a very muscular thing, heloise." "It isn't damaged by ridicule." "It's much stronger than" "Temptation..." "Than duty?" "Than what?" "What is it stronger than?" "What about stotes?" "Quiet, Fraser." "Yes, what about stotes?" "I'm sorry to say that stotes are vermin." "In your eyes." "Not in the eyes of other stotes." "In the eyes of god." "I'll have another wee spoonful of that, if you don't mind, sissie!" "But why would any god deliberately create vermin?" "But why would any god deliberately create vermin?" "They seemed to be doomed to eternal damnation simply for being true to their own nature." "Because by their nature, some creatures are beyond redemption." "Creatures?" "How would we define a "creature"?" "Would I qualify as a creature, perhaps?" "A stote is not a creature, miss." "A stote is a wild beast of woods and fields." "Just like our Fraser." "She's on her fourth helping." "What fourth helping?" "The trifle." "I can't get over" "No..." "No more Sherry trifle?" "Oh, my god!" "It's utter nonsense, Edward." "It's a montalago, my father wouldn't have sweet Sherry in his house." "Perhaps heloise and I could perform, Mr. Finlayson, perhaps heloise and I could perform, Mr. Finlayson, raise some funds for the families of your poor miners." "What a very Christian idea." "And what will you perform?" "A duet, perhaps?" "Prostitution!" "No, really." "It's perfect." "Mumsie and auntie heloise could be prostitutes, and they could attend to our urgent needs and earn a considerable fortune for the miners." "And they could service my dad and uncle Morris and anybody else who could afford their lubricious ministrations." "Fraser." "Go to my study and wait for me there." "What?" "Why?" "What-- What's wrong?" "We're all of us prostitutes, in some manner or other." "That's what my Samuel used to say in business." "Oh, he's waiting for me!" "No, he's-- oh, I miss him!" "I miss my Samuel!" "Of course." "He's waiting for me!" "Come along, gamma." "Come on." "Let's go have a little lie down now, shall we?" "There we are." "Oh, he's waiting for me!" "There we are." "Oh, I miss my Samuel." "Oh, I miss my Samuel." "He's waiting for me." "It's you that's irritating!" "It's you that's pestering!" "And it's you that's ignorant!" "Oh!" "Come on, son!" "Fraser!" "Fraser!" "Where are you?" "Fraser!" "Fraser!" "Where are you?" "Fraser, where are you?" "!" "Come on, lad!" "Gamma's got better now her trifle's worn off." "She's very angry with Sarah, and says she'll have to let her go." "It was only for the bloody damn dressing," "Mrs. high and mighty macintosh." "Jesus Christ a mighty," "Mr. pettigrew, look." "Dad dredged the loch." "Dad dredged the loch for his precious Beethoven busts." "But he found something else instead." "The hairy man turned out to be" "Andrew burns' cousin Alec, who'd been shell-shocked during the great war." "And I've got pneumonia." "Ah!" "The house is the emptiest it ever was." "And it makes me think of how it's going to be when uncle Morris throws us all out onto the streets, and plants Norwegian pine and sitka spruce all over everything." "That's really scary." "Fraser." "I think you have to wait outside." "But I thought you were dead, gamma!" "But I thought you were dead, gamma!" "Outside, Fraser!" "I know you're unwell, Fraser pettigrew," "I know you're unwell, Fraser pettigrew, and having flights of fantasy due to delirium, so we won't speak of this to anyone." "Is that fully and completely understood, young man?" "I'm sorry, gamma." "Gamma?" "When you die and give the house to uncle Morris, what will happen to us?" "Whatever happens, my love, you'll always be looked after." "Anyway, I'm very far from dead, you know?" "Anyway, I'm very far from dead, you know?" "But I thought you stopped breathing and died." "I know you did, Fraser." "That's why we don't sneak into ladies' bedrooms without knocking first." "But why?" "Because, we might stumble on some dreadful secret that makes our hair turn white and haunts us all our lives." "Is that what turned your hair white, gamma?" "No, my love." "It was you, love, that made" "Ah!" "Oh!" "That made my hair turn white." "Ah!" "Oh!" "That made my hair turn white." "Now, off you go with sissie." "Oh, master Fraser, you're on fire!" "Sissie, is slanking something you have to do in secret because it's wicked?" "Shh, Fraser!" "If people get caught slanking, are they in terrible trouble?" "Daffy boy." "Slanking." "Sissie?" "Uh-huh?" "You used to teach me a poem when you used to bathe us before we went to bed." "Remember?" "I don't know any poems, Fraser." "I don't know any poems, Fraser." "Yes, you do." "You taught me one." "Which one?" ""When I was going down the stair," ""I met a man who wasn't there." ""He wasn't there again today--."" ""I wish, I wish, he'd go away."" "Uh-huh." "Who is he?" "Who's who?" "Who's that man, sissie?" "There isn't any man." "I met a man who wasn't there on the roof." "Tell me who he is, or I'll splash water all over you." "Aye, and you'll feel the back of my hand, young man." "Fraser!" "I like sissie." "I like bath time with sissie even more." "I like bath time with sissie even more." "In some ways, she's even better than grandpa macintosh's pictures." "Now, you stay there and rest, young man." "I want to help dad and Andrew fire up the new boiler, mumsie." "Oh, you'll do no such thing!" "Now, resting, Fraser." "Oh, dear." "Oh, heaven's above, Edward!" "Oh, goodness me!" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "Now, gamma, gamma, uh..." "Moira!" "What on earth has that man of yours gone and done now?" "I think the heat must have cracked the joints in the pipe, Mr. pettigrew." "Edward pettigrew!" "It's fractured the asbestos lagging." "You've dug your own grave this time!" "Now, out of the draft and underneath those covers, Fraser." "Damnin' blast!" "Uh, you know how Mrs. macintosh feels about smoking around the house, sir." "Fraser!" "Where on earth did this come from?" "The moss factory." "I think auntie heloise must have lost it." "...until he's boiled alive in his own juices!" "Moira?" "What's a matter, love?" "Oh, don't be silly, dear!" "I'm only wanting to give him a fright." "Ha ha!" "Ooh." "Ooh!" "Rotary screen mach 3 seems a little bit brighter to me, don't you think?" "So, Fraser, what do you think of the camera work?" "So, Fraser, what do you think of the camera work?" "Ooh, it's very good." "Look, here's heloise and elspeth." "Yeah." "Oh, there's mumsie." "Wave to mumsie!" "Why is jazz horrible, dad?" "Contact!" "Lack of moral fiber." "Not like Beethoven." "That's exactly right, Fraser." "Contact!" "Beethoven is upright and honest, whereas jazz is sneaky and treacherous and effeminate and just plain foreign." "Have you got it switched on?" "Of course I've got it switched on!" "What do you think I mean by "contact"?" "Auntie heloise likes jazz." "Auntie heloise likes jazz." "Yes, well, auntie heloise is particularly French." "And French ladies don't understand the first thing about moral fiber." "How's that, mcpherson?" "Good morning, Mr. pettigrew." "Aye, that's an awful big pile of letters today, is it now?" "Something for you, Fraser." "Thank you." "It's smelly." "Smells like auntie heloise." "Don't be ridiculous." "Morning, master Fraser." "So, uh, what seems to be the problem here?" "Thank you, aggie." "Are you cold, mumsie?" "Oh, just a wee bit." "Always seem to be these days." "I've run out of fire lashes." "You could fetch them for me, Fraser, hmm?" "Will you pay me?" "Will you pay me?" "Pay you?" "Uh-huh." "I want to save up and buy something." "Here it is." "That's what you came up for!" "I thought you missed me." "Ooh, my goodness." "It's just the right size for my room." "That's a lot of fire lashes." "You better get started, young man." "Penny a dozen." "Heloise, voice-over:" ""Dear Edward," ""all I want is to be your sister-in-law" ""and your friend." ""Please let us forget what happened..." ""And what didn't happen." "No one need ever know." "With best wishes."" "With best wishes."" "Something's troubling him." "He's not himself." "What do you think it is, Andrew?" "Oh, what is about the estate, I expect, about your uncle Morris and the changes he'll make." "The future, the family, all the things a father worries about." "Sometimes children worry as well, though." "And what do they worry about, Fraser?" "Do you think there's something evil about jazz?" "Are we having a debate here, Fraser?" "Are we having a debate here, Fraser?" "A socratic dialogue, Andrew." "It's how you find out about the world." "How it works." "I'll tell you how it works." "In the heart of this world, there's a molten core." "Thousand of degrees fahrenheit of boiling magma." "Do you know what magma is?" "Well, it's like lava, only thicker." "And the firmness of the boiling heart moves the continents around on the surface of the earth, and the continents crunch into one another and the continents crunch into one another to make the mountains." "I thought--didn't god make the mountains?" "In the first place?" "Uh-huh." "Aye, well, there's some argument about that." "Have you carved out your lantern yet, Fraser?" "For Halloween?" "Aye, Cassie and Donald have done theirs." "You'll get your shoes back for the walk home, if you're good." "Halloween is a time of great evil, when terrible crimes and atrocities happen." "When terrible crimes and atrocities happen." "Like, for instance, a gay Gordon's." "We're going to start with a gay Gordon's." "Now, since some of you probably aren't familiar with a gay Gordon's, then Fraser pettigrew and Cassie burns will lead us through all very slowly." "Fraser." "Mumsie!" "Fraser." "Come on, everybody up, come on!" "Come on, everybody up, come on!" "All together, now." "All the boys and girls." "That's it." "That's it!" "I warned you, Fraser pettigrew!" "Warned what?" "That's it!" "What?" "That's it!" "What?" "That's it!" "Edward!" "Do something!" "Stop this nonsense!" "Stop!" "Stop it, Finlay!" "Finlay!" "All right!" "All right!" "Off, off!" "Ah, break it up!" "Fraser, you ought to be ashamed of yourself." "He's touching my sister." "He's feeling her ass." "He's feeling my sister's ass and her titties as well." "That's enough!" "That's enough!" "I wasn't touching anybody!" "I was just doing the gay Gordon's." "I've had lessons!" "That's enough!" "He told me to look after her and see me if he touches her" "Aah!" "I wasn't touching anybody, I was just doing the gay Gordon's!" "The encyclopedia of ethics also said that Halloween needed a human sacrifice to be any good." "Thank yourselves lucky I don't thrash you both with my cane." "Now, grow up and go and apologize to Mrs. Macintosh." "This year it's me and Donald." "So that makes us friends, and Donald is taking me and Donald is taking me to see something really amazing." "Come on, you!" "Steady." "Come on now, come on." "What are they doing?" "Are they gonna have a fight?" "It's a bulling." "They're gonna give it a servicing." "Now, steady." "Wow!" "There we are." "The encyclopedia says dancing with girls is one of the pleasures of the flesh, but I didn't enjoy dancing the gay Gordon's." "I read about something called an orgy, and about harems." "And about harems." "Then I fell asleep and dreamt about auntie heloise." "So, uh, when you wake up after one of these dreams, Fraser" "Uh-huh?" "And, the, uh, the bed's wet" "I hardly ever" "It was a very nice dream that you were having." "I hardly ever wet the bed anymore, father!" "I know." "I haven't since I was very" "No, I know, I know, Fraser, but, if, um, when, uh, in the future..." "You feel something well up from deep within you, you feel something well up from deep within you, and the core of your very being" "Like magma!" "Uh-huh." "What's magma?" "It's..." "It's like lava, only thicker." "Well, probably." "But, uh, when you've had a very nice dream" "I have nice dreams, as well." "Precisely." "I dreamt about auntie heloise playing jazz." "It was the first dream I've ever had that had music in it." "Dear god." "Well, next time you hear music in a dream, well, next time you hear music in a dream, as soon as you've waken up in the morning, you must run down to the loch with me" "and have a cold plunge, huh?" "Mens sana in corpore sano, healthy mind and a healthy body" "Healthy body, I know." "Yes." "Well." "Well, that's all cleared up, then." "So, Fraser, is there anything you'd like to ask me about?" "What's an..." "Orgy, father?" "What's an..." "Orgy, father?" "Uh-huh." "And, uh..." "And a fellatio." "Is it like a trombone the angels blow into in heaven?" "Uh..." "Well, they're, um..." "They're both, I believe, Fraser, what we call temptations of the flesh." "I know that, but what are they?" "What are what?" "Temptations of the flesh." "What are they?" "What are they?" "What are they?" "Uh, what are they?" "Well, uh, I'll tell you what they are." "They're to be resisted at all costs." "Gamma?" "Mmm-hmm?" "Did gods in ancient Greece turn themselves into animals, really?" "Well, what do you mean by "really," Fraser?" "Did they actually do it?" "Well, sometimes they actually did it, in legend." "Well, sometimes they actually did it, in legend." "Why didn't Jesus ever turn himself into an animal, gamma?" "Well, turning oneself into an animal isn't very Christian, Fraser." "I think, if I was Jesus, though," "I would have liked to turn myself into a swan or a bull." "I think that is quite enough about "if you were Jesus," young man." "I always wanted to be a polar bear." "I always wanted to be a polar bear." "Get by the fire, yes, ma'am." "Hello, how are you?" "Oh, oh, mommy." "Ooh, mommy." "Fraser!" "Mumsie, they're here!" "Uncle Morris and auntie heloise!" "Fraser, my favorite nephew!" "Come!" "Give a kiss to your old auntie heloise." "Mumsie!" "Mother!" "Auntie heloise and uncle Morris!" "Auntie heloise and uncle Morris!" "They've arrived for the bonspiel!" "Heloise?" "Yes?" "Happy?" "Yes." "Very." "I hope you are." "Those..." "Are the ales of craigs, Fraser." "Are the ales of craigs, Fraser." "Ha ha." "Your grandfather's favorite stones." "Aye." "I used to Polish them personally for him." "They're the best ones." "Real beauties." "Why are they the best, tom?" "A very dense granite and a very fine grain." "That means the stone has massive momentum, if you have the muscle on you to get them moving." "If you have the muscle on you to get them moving." "Here." "Look at this." "Plutonic igneous granite." "What does plutonic mean?" "Pluto was the god of darkness." "A black prince of Hades." "These stones are from magma, Fraser." "Forged in the very bowels of hell." "Speaking geologically, of course." "Wow!" "The bonspiel is when all the curling teams from all around play in a huge contest." "I want a side bet for the miners." "10 guineas on this one, 10 guineas on you, boy." "Ladies and gentlem!" "Today, for the first time ever, we are competing for the macintosh challenge trophy." "We are competing for the macintosh challenge trophy." "Curling was my Samuel's passion." "A game that could be shared by all." "I dedicate this bonspiel to my dear, departed husband," "Samuel macintosh." "On my signal, let the roaring game begin!" "Hooray!" "Luck of the devil!" "Well done, those sweeps." "The best noise in all the world!" "As good as jazz." "Are you winning, uncle Crawford?" "No, in a word, Fraser, we're being thrashed." "No, in a word, Fraser, we're being thrashed." "Andrew's team is just limbering up against us, Fraser." "I fancy they'll be lifting the cup by the end of the day." "Not a chance." "These miner boys are unstoppable." "Nonsense." "You want to bet?" "Edward, I'm a millionaire." "What are you going to bet me?" "And what is that supposed to mean?" "It means, what do you have that I might want to take from you in a bet?" "What do I have, Morris?" "What do I have?" "This." "Sorry?" "What?" "This--this place-- This estate" "This--this place-- This estate" "Kiloran, the moss factory, is what I have." "And I'll bet you everything." "Andrew's team will take the bonspiel." "Everything." "All right, skip!" "What makes you think it's yours to bet, Edward?" "Sweep, sweep!" "What about you, hmm?" "How do you mean?" "What would you put up in return, eh, Morris?" "What's the millionaire got what's the millionaire got that he couldn't bare to lose?" "What means more than anything, all his money?" "Business, his 2 homes?" "What means more to you than anything else?" "I suppose you're referring to my wife, hmm?" "And what makes you think she's yours to bet, Morris?" "Crack down, Jim menries!" "Crack down, Jim menries!" "Crack down, Jim menries!" "Crack down!" "Crack down, Jim menries!" "Come on, come on!" "Come on!" "Do it!" "What the hell was that?" "Stone's cracked, Anderson." "Handle's loose." "The stone's rubbish, I'm afraid." "I'll get the stone, Andrew." "Ah, come on, Andrew!" "Hey, Andrew!" "The emperor." "The emperor of the air!" "The emperor is coming!" "Mumsie, Mr. chenoux's coming!" "The emperor has come back to see us, although I suspect he's really come back to see elspeth." "Mr. chenoux, can I have a ride in your aeroplane, please?" "No, no, Fraser, you're a wee bit too young." "Mr. chenoux, I'd like you to meet heloise." "Heloise, this is Mr. chenoux." "Morris macintosh." "How are you?" "Hi, how are you?" "I'd like to present my mother." "Hot pots ready!" "Hot pots ready!" "Hot pots ready." "She moves with remarkable elegance, don't you think, Fraser?" "Don't you think, Fraser?" "Auntie heloise?" "No, not your auntie!" "Your sister, elspeth." "Like a swan." "Elspeth?" "Yeah." "Whoa!" "Oh, whoa, oh!" "I think the emperor wants to dance with elspeth because all that's on his mind is slanking." "He's French." "Oh, pleasure to have you in my arms." "Anyway, who wants to slank elspeth?" "Gamma?" "Please?" "What's a matter now, Fraser?" "Can Jim menries play with grandfather's stones if we make it to the final?" "The ales of craigs." "Can Jim and Andrew have" "No, I don't think so, Fraser." "That's not appropriate." "But, uncle Morris, gamma says it's a game that can be shared by everyone." "Yes, well, never mind about that, Fraser." "I said no." "Now, go on." "Run along, eat your stew." "Thank you, mother." "We better get back." "Thank you, mother." "We better get back." "Gamma!" "Get her out!" "I never got to fly with the emperor of the air." "And gamma died a few weeks later from pneumonia." "And gamma died a few weeks later from pneumonia." "It's time to go now, angel." "Come on." "Come on." "Gamma!" "It wasn't just gamma that died that day." "Kiloran would never be the same." "She was kiloran, and the world we'd always known quietly slipped away with her." "Our dear lord surely knew what he was doing." "Our dear lord surely knew what he was doing when he made it so easy for the ladies to have a good cry." "Moira." "Dear moira..." "Jesus came for gamma." "In her will, gamma said to give the estate to us, not uncle Morris." "And if only uncle Crawford would stop going on about Jesus..." "Jesus held her hand." "No, he did not!" "No, he did not!" "Did not what, Fraser?" "Jesus." "That's a wicked fib!" "You're only making it up to make mumsie feel better." "But you're not, you're making her feel worse!" "Fraser, that's quite enough." "You don't speak to a grown-up like that." "Edward, the child is upset." "He's only trying to" "I'll thank you not to interfere, heloise." "Don't listen to your father, Fraser." "Leave the bloody child alone when I'm talking to him, woman." "Don't you dare use that tone of voice with my wife!" "Enough!" "This is my damned home, and I'll be damned if I let you 3 wait around here any longer!" "I think we should leave now." "My mother never saw through you, pettigrew." "I do, though." "You're a shabby little lothario." "You're a--you're a joke!" "You're not fit to run my mother's estate!" "My estate, Morris." "My estate." "Is this really what you want, Morris?" "More than anything, hmm?" "Except, you see, I've already won it!" "I'm not talking about the estate, either, Morris." "I won the bet months ago." "You!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "Stop it!" "A silly bet." "Do you think I don't know?" "About you and her?" "I suppose you've had your hands on her." "Do you think I am blind?" "That I am a fool?" "Do you think I don't know that you want her?" "Her instead of me!" "Instead of us." "Instead of us." "Edward, please." "Edward, you must listen to me." "Understand me, Edward." "This is our home." "Morris is gone." "Morris is gone." "I only want you." "You must work out what it is you want." "I didn't mean to cause all that trouble." "I know you didn't." "Elspeth, is dad going to stay with mumsie and the rest of us?" "I don't know, Fraser." "What did mumsie mean when she said dad had his hands on auntie heloise?" "Had carnal knowledge of her." "Like in the Bible." "Isn't that a dreadful sin?" "I don't know." "Is it?" "Elspeth, is it like a slike?" "Elspeth, is it like a slike?" "No." "That's something you do with somebody you love." "Did you do it with the emperor of the air?" "That's not any of your business, Fraser." "Heloise got it for you." "She brought it from Paris." "She thought it was something you might enjoy." "Louis Armstrong!" "I've been a child." "It wasn't just Morris." "I'm so sorry." "The next few months weren't easy for any of us, but dad worked hard and mumsie finally forgave him." "But dad worked hard and mumsie finally forgave him." "And bit by bit, dad remembered the knack of making mumsie laugh." "That was a great sermon this morning." "He mentioned adultery, sins of the flesh, sins of the heart." "Where's Fraser?" "I thought he was with you." "I'll go and fetch him." "Quick, or we'll miss the service." "Where is he going?" "Look for Fraser." "Look for Fraser." "Ahh." "Louis Armstrong, on record: ♪ on the sunny side of the street ♪" "♪ Can't you hear that pitter-pat, babe ♪" "♪ And that happy tune is your step ♪" "♪ Life can be so sweet ♪" "♪ On the sunny side of the street ♪" "♪ I used to walk in the shade ♪" "♪ I used to walk in the shade ♪" "♪ With those blues on parade ♪" "♪ But I'm not afraid, baby ♪" "♪ My rover crossed over ♪" "♪ If I never had a cent, babe ♪" "♪ I'd be rich as rockefeller ♪" "♪ With gold dust at my feet ♪" "♪ With gold dust at my feet ♪" "♪ On the sunny side of the street ♪" "♪ Grab your coat ♪" "♪ Grab your hat ♪" "♪ Leave your worries on the doorstep, baby ♪" "♪ Just direct your feet ♪" "♪ On the sunny side of the street... ♪" "Anyway, that's my life so far." "Anyway, that's my life so far." "♪ ..." "Oh, the happy tune is your step, baby ♪" "♪ Life can be so sweet, oh, baby ♪" "♪ On the sunny side of the street ♪"