"Previously on rescue me..." "You must be the new probie,huh?" "I'm shawn." "He doesn't cook,he doesn't clean,he doesn't scrub,he doesn't shine," " he doesn't get his balls busted." " What does he do?" "He plays hoops." "Oh... is this tommy's remote control?" "Are these his sunglasses?" "I just wanted a little something of his." "I just wanted a little piece of tommy for myself." "Hey,franco,it's alicia." "Call me,baby." " So what?" " So go see her." " What?" " Go see alicia." "You say you're absolutely sure that I'm all you want." "So go see her." "I want you to give me that baby." "You're crazy." "No!" "I hate when you call me crazy!" "Just listen to me." "I love this baby,and that baby loves me." "I'll tell you what you should be sorry about, is giving me that bullshit story about how I couldn't get it up the night of the fire, just so you can get your hands on the insurance money." "And now you're gonna use that insurance money to try to buy my-- my--my son,or my brother's son or whatever the hell he is,huh?" "I'm sorry that it sounds so cold, but jesus christ,he doesn't even have a name yet!" "Ok,where are the batteries?" "I thought we were supposed to be having a break from the sex,ok?" "Getting to know each other." "It has taken me 35 years to start having sex.35 years,ok?" "Don't make me feel dirty for having an appetite." "Most guys,they would kill to be in your shoes." "Kenny,are you ok?" "Just get out of my house." "Dude,this is a complete misunderstanding." "I understand completely." "You screwed the woman I love." "Well,I snuck into mike's mom's house like you guys told me to." "Found out what he was hiding--gay parents." "Found these pictures in the back of the closet." "I actually,uh, when I was over there,I also,um," "I set his mom's house on fire." "We caught a live one,2 floors involved,third and fourth about to happen." "Saddle up,boys!" "All right,probie,hope you're ready for this." "You're not supposed to call me probie." "Hey,I call you what you are,asshole,all right?" "We jump off the rig,you get on my ass and you stay there." "Hang on for dear goddamn life." "No,it's gotta be done now." "62 just pulled up." "All right,hold on,hold on." "All right,62's here." " 62,62." " yeah,what do we got?" "Take 71's bucket up there." " What?" " Take 71's bucket up." " Got it." " God damn it." "Where's the lad come on,let's roll." "What the hell's going on?" " Oh,jesus christ." " Let's go!" "Jesus christ." "Tommy,get the probe and get in the bucket." " Raise the ladder.Let's go!" " Ok,let's go." "****** get the fucking closer!" "**** *******" "Hey." " Jesus." " I know." "Hey." "You all right?" "Yeah." "Nice work." "What's wrong?" " Hey,we--we,uh" " Jesus christ." "They're all burned up,tom." " But we just-- - they must have..." "They must have been dead before you got there." "What went wrong,man?" "We had them in the bucket." "We had to go back and get the mom." "Tommy,we thought we had three." "At least." "Did all we could,man." " Seven?" " Seven." "Jesus christ." "Yeah,well, where the hell is he right now" "You all right?" "Mickey mantle." "What?" "Number seven." "The mick." "Tommy,we did everything we could." "Yeah... yeah." "All right,here's what I'm gonna say." "You know,a lot of us,me included,we say that the heroes are the guys that don't make it back to the house." "And tonight you're my goddamned heroes." "That was a ball buster,and every one of you did what you were supposed to do, including the new guy." "I'm goddamn proud to be working with a crew like this." "Any minute now that alarm's gonna go, and we will have to make a run because some fat broad got her big ass stuck in a tub, or some asshole went off the rails on the west side highway." "He's all banged up,but he's still alive 'cause he's high as a goddamned kite, and we are gonna gonna answer those calls the same way we answered this one tonight." "Balls to the wall,gentlemen." "If anybody needs me,I'm gonna be in my office." "Call my wife and kids,and I'm gonn and I'm gonna have a nice big mug of jack daniels." " Kid." " Yeah?" "Good job tonight." "Not just saving' that kid,but... pulling me in when I was going off the side." " It's good." " Thanks,bro.Thanks." "I'm sick of macaroni and cheese!" "Well,eat it anyway." " And where's the phone?" " How the hell should I know?" "Hey,watch your mouth,young lady." "Hello?" " Hey,how you doin'?" " How am I doing?" "Hey!" "Go back there,sit back there and" " finish your dinner." " I don't want it!" "Hey,keep your voice down!" "Get back here!" "Oh,god damn it,kathleen marie gavin,get your ass back to this table!" "What do you want?" "I'm just callin',checkin' in,see how you-- you know,make sure you guys are ok." "Yeah.We're all right." "What gives?" "Nothin',honey.I just" "What,you called to say nothing?" "I--I called because I was just thinkin' of you guys,and" "What?" "All right,so,katie's in a bad mood?" "Yeah." "She's not near the baby,is she?" "Oh,jesus,no." "Thank god." "He's fast asleep." " How?" " What do you mean,how?" "Benadryl." " What?" " I--well" " I didn't say anything." " Yeah,you didn't have to." "Look,just remember that katie and I are going to that trunk show tomorrow night." "Yeah,I got it,yep." "And colleen called,by the way." "She needs more money." "Ok,um..." "Ok,that's all that you have to say?" "Well,I'll go over there and,you know" "Yeah,you're gonna call her and end up forking over another 400 bucks or so that we can't afford, to buy her some jeans or a new chair or whatever to try to get her to stay in contact with you." " Honey" " Hello?" "What?" "I gotta go." "Faith is the bridge between you and God." "We must make the choice ourselves." "Hey." "Hate to say I told you so,but told you so." "What?" "Hey!" "This faith you must pass onto your children - who do not have the power" "to find it on their own." "In other news,it is confirmed now that a total of 7 children and one female adult died in what has become known as the baby fire." "Come on,guys." "Hey,oh!" "The mom died last night." " What?" " Yeah." "She was fine when we left." "Yeah,her heart gave out at the hospital." "Read 'em and weep,guys." "Needles brought me up to date." "I sent him back over to his family..." " jesus christ." " It was a mess,chief." "One a the worst I ever saw." "Paper says it was a space heater." "First floor,the curtains went up and the mother runs out of the apartment to warn the neighbors.She leaves the door open." "The fire follows her right up,up the stairs like a goddamn chimney." "God." "I talked to eddie meehan.He's over there right now,and he says the goddamn staircase is alligatored." "They didn't stand a chance." "Oh,shit." "Sorry,guys." "Hey,guys." " Hey." " Hey." "The mom died,garrity." "You're kidding." "No." "It's a sin." "Shit." "Oh,boy." "Well,all that shit I said to you last night" "About what a kick-ass job I did?" "Yeah." "You did." "I heard he was cool as a cucumber." " He was,man." " I was... except for that part where you disappeared." "That scared the shit out of me." "Yeah,I know." "I know.It-- it scared me,too." "I--I couldn't find her." "But... pretty much,it's everything,everything you did last night." "The T.O.Catch" " That" "Me--me pulling' you back in?" "Yeah,and... all that,man.Straight goddamn a's across the board." "But I don't want you to start believing that that means I'm not gonna... continue to bust your balls around here." "'Cause I don't like your political views,your religious views, or your general sort of,you know,"kiss my black ass" attitude." " Right back at you." " Enough,enough,ok?" " Hey." " Hey." "What you doin'?" "Taking down the tommy pictures." "Oh." " The shrine?" " The shrine,yeah." "That's funny,by the way." "Oh,yeah." "Well,does,uh... does that mean you want me to come over?" "'Cause..." "I'm all fresh." "No." "No,definitely not." "Well,then,why are you taking down the pictures?" "'Cause he sucks." "You see the paper this morning?" "No." "7 kids died in a fire that tommy and his crew were at last night--7." "Not one kid made it out alive." "And here I am thinkin' he's a hero." "Asshole." "Wait--wait a minute.Listen" "You know what?" "Just don't call me anymore." "Come on!" "Come on!" "That's it!" "That's it!" "That's it!" "Come on,franco!" "That's it." "Let's go!" "Boo!" "Yes!" "Come on!" "Come on,move it!" "Come o come on!" "Yeah." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Hey,you,mike!" "Eyes front." "Come on,ace,put it up there." "Put it up there." "Yes!" "Yes,ace!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Time-out!" "Come on!" "All right,bring her around,boys." "Bring her around." "Jesus,kid." "You're a goddamn gold mine." "Way to go." "Way to go!" "Amazing,man." "Keep it up." "All right,you guys get some drinks and stuff,ok?" "Good." "Tell them to guard their man!" "What are you doing?" "You guys aren't doing anything right.I mean" "Maybe we should..." " maybe we should have a,uh" " Huddle." "Yeah,huddle." "A huddle." "Definitely." "We need a huddle." " Our uniforms are great." " They're awesome." "Right." "Go." "Ok,guys,ok." "All right,uh... uh,I got nothing to say,because you guys are playing like the goddamn celtics out there." "It's just amazing" " I mean,the the larry bird 1980s championship celtics,ok?" "I mean,I got no notes,you know." "So,um,what I think we should do, just to make things look better is," "I'm gonna draw,uh,a giant vagina on this little board right here." "And while I'm doing that,you guys all make it look like I'm drawing some-- some strategy thing,ok,instead of a vagina-- the kind of vagina that I'm drawing,you know,which really is the point of all this." "I mean,it's really the reason why,you know,you play sports--is to meet girls." "So,what I want you to do is,I want you to look at this giant black-and-white vagina that I'm drawing down here." "But I want you to go out and I want you to score another 55 points, and we can all get laid,and we can all make more money.Ok?" "So,on 3?" "Vagina." " 1,2,3." " Vagina!" "Yes!" "Let's go!" " Excuse me,guys." " Sure." "Hey." " Great game." " Yeah,yeah.The new kid's a charm." "So,did you see me up there?" "You know" "Yes.Yeah,yeah,I did." "And,um,I can't--I can't do this anymore." "Yeah,no,me neither." "It is so drafty up there." "No,not that." "I mean,that,you know,I can do all day,or most of the day,actually." "At some point I'd probably have to climb up and take a closer look." "Um,I'm talking about us." "You know,I--I,um..." "I just think that we're,you know,done." "Uh,unless" "Listen,I'm sorry,you know,about what happened." "But I can't really apologize more than that.I made a mistake." "And now I'm ready to move forward-- quickly,you know,very" " forward" " Yeah,look" "Very fast." "Look,theresa,ok?" "It's just that... you know,I've come to this realization after" "4 1/2 decades on this godforsaken chocolate-filled planet that... you know,I want a kid." "You know?" "Kids?" "A couple,maybe." "Oh." "Now,was that a kind of a,"oh,me,too,I want kids" kind of an "oh"?" "No." "No." "I taught kids for 10 years-- 10 long,loud,B.O.-Filled years." "And I just" " I don't really like kids." "I hate kids." "They're just giant germ factories... really." "Oh." "Tha That was... sort of a death-knell type of "oh."" "Oh,yeah,yeah." " Yeah." " Yeah,that's what that was." "That--yeah." " All righty,then." " Ok.So,uh..." " I'll see you." " Yeah." "Great." "Oh!" "Wait.You know what?" "There's,uh,just one more thing." "I'm gonna need to get my handcuffs and my whip and my leather lingerie back-- also the box of edible panties would be..." " great." " I,uh..." "I ate all the edible panties." "You... ate panties." "Chocolate-flavored?" "Yeah,and,uh... vanilla and strawberry." "We had A... neapolitan thing going." " My man." " Yeah." " Mira mi munequita linda!" " Daddy!" "Oh,my god,look at you." "You're so big." " I grew." " You sure did." "I mean,my gosh,you're all grown up." "Are you married?" "You got kids,or what?" "Mommy says I shouldn't get married until I'm 30." "She says I have to figure out my own life and my own power before I can be with somebody else." "Your own power,huh?" "Well,mommy's very smart." "Honey,why don't you change into your,uh,other clothes?" "Your play clothes?" "And daddy's gonna take you for some ice cream." "And ask donald where the puppy's leash is," " and then you can take her with you,too." " Don't leave without me." "You know I'm not gonna do that,baby." " My god,she's grown a foot." " I know!" "I know,well,not quite,but give her another few weeks." "I mean,you should see how much she eats.It's staggering." "Yeah." "Well,you're looking good." "So do you." "You look good,too." "Thanks." " So,you're back." " Yep." "Well,how long you plan on staying?" "Uh,permanently,possibly." " Uh,I thought you liked europe." " I love europe." "And,I mean,it was even more wonderful seeing it through her eyes." "She's so smart and joyful and curious." "Oh,we had a blast." "I... made some scrapbooks with her, of all the different cities we've been in." " This one is,uh,from venice." " Venice?" "I think that was one of our favorite places." "Uh,yup." "See?" " Wow." " Here we are,you know." " Cool,huh?" " Yeah." "I still feel so bad-- her cheating on you... with me." "That bitch." "Well,you know,it's not the first time she cheated on anyone." "So,she's done it before." "She was a nun when I met her.So,technically, you know,she was married to jesus." "I guess that makes you the other man,huh?" "That's a mighty impressive takeaway on your part." "Yeah,well,I'm real proud about that... even if it means I'm taking the express train to hell." "But,look,it was worth it,right?" "Uh... not really." "But,you know..." "I mean,you're family,mike." "That's what's important--family,you know?" "That... that unbreakable bond." "And I'm willing to forgive and forget." "Bros before hos,right?" " Bros before hos." " Great." "Now,let's get shitfaced and make it official." "One night we couldn't sleep and... so,we got up and we started wandering around all the canals and all the little kind of twisty... back alleys and,gosh,it was so quiet." "It was magical,really.And... as the sun was coming up and the fog burned away, she turned to me and she said," ""you know,we should bring daddy here sometime."" "It really pissed me off." "She wants you in her life." "She needs you." "We need you." "So,I was thinking maybe we should give it another go." "I,uh... alicia,I--I kind of" " I met someone--a girl." "You met a girl?" "No,you're kidding.Not you." "It's--it's serious." "What does that mean?" "Like,a week or something?" "I gave her a ring." "So..." " this is love." " I guess so." "I mean,yeah,um,totally." "Yeah,it's love." "So,when is the big day?" "Oh,haven't gotten that far yet,but,uh..." "Well,she knows about keela and--and us?" "Yeah,yeah." " And you're happy?" " Yeah." "So,I guess you won't be moving in here anytime soon." " Uh,no." " Just checking.Ok." "well,I'm happy for you." " I'm really happy for you." " Thank you." "I--I guess we'll work something out.Like,maybe on every other weekend,or-- except,of course,you've got a schedule problem sometimes." "But we could think about,um" "We don't--we don't have to figure it out right now." "We got,uh..." " time." " Yeah,we've got time." " Hey." " Hi!" "That was fast." "Ok,I'm ready for ice cream." "Let's go." "Yeah,ice cream." "Sounds good." "Right!" "All right." "I want mommy to come." "I want you and mommy and me to all be together." "Uh..." "I think that maybe this is a time for you to have a special time with daddy all to yourself." " Yeah?" " Ok." "And,um,I'm gonna stay here and have some mommy time all to myself,all right?" " Ok." " Ok." " All right,let's go." " And no ice cream for penny." " Ok." " Ok." "You guys have fun." " Ok.All right." " Be back soon." "Yeah." "So,listen,bro." "I got kind of a confession to make." "I know why you're gay." "And here's why-- your parents were gay." " What?" " Yeah,your parents are gay." "They're homos,mike." "Come on." "How do you know about that?" "Well,ahem." "That's the other part of the confession." "I was just getting to it." "You remember that big fire at your mom's house the other day?" "Burned the house down?" "I broke in that night and I rooted around in the closets and I found all the pictures." "Well,never mind the pictures." "Did you see who burned my mom's house down?" "I'm sorry,dude." "I'm really sorry." "Uh,you can hit me if you want." "Asshole!" "You said I could hit you!" "I'm sorry." "It was a reflex.I... jesus" " Jesus." "I feel terrible about your mom's house." "I do." "It was an accident,mike." "I--I swear to god." "So,that's why the guys are calling you "zippo."" "Yeah." "Yeah." "How pissed are you?" "I don't know." "You mean,about the slap?" "No." "About the fire,asshole." "Oh." "Um..." "I'm not really that pissed,I guess." "You know,I mean... to be honest,I..." "I was-- that place was kind of like-- had a lot of bad memories,you know." "And--and I'm kind of happy to be rid of it,I guess." " Wow." " Yeah." "Ok." " But you know what?" " Yeah." "You're wrong about a few things." "I'm not gay." "And having gay parents doesn't make you gay." "Right." "Ok." "Well,it's gotta increase the chances a little bit,don't you think?" "I don't know." "Maybe." "Bro,can--can you just do me a favor?" "Of course,dude--anything,you name it." "Promise?" "I promise." "Oh,can you not tell the guys about my parents?" "Ok." "Ok." "Yeah,I would--I would never." " Thanks." " Yeah." "I mean,I kind of..." " already did." " You dick!" " Sorry.I was" " What are you doing?" "I was anticipating.I didn't" " I can't believe I-  you all right?" " Don't touch me,asshole." "Come on,come on." "Hey." " Yeah." " Hey,dad." "Hey." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Need some money?" "I can't believe that you would think that I would be calling you" "Ok,you know what,sweetheart?" "I raised you from when you were a zygote,ok?" "You got my D.N.A.,All right?" "I can read you like a book." "I know you're calling me about money." "And I know you're not calling me about,like,little money." "It must be the rent money,right?" "'Cause nobody calls about a goddamn blender at this time of night." "Yes." "Um,is your,uh,ring-nosed loser boyfriend kind of sitting there coaching you through this call?" "No." "All right." "Tell you what.I'll drop the money by later tonight,all right?" "And tell your boyfriend he can stop." "Stop." " Thanks,dad." " Ok.I love you." " Me,too." " Yeah?" "Do you really love me,or is it just about the money?" "What?" "Isn't she wonderful?" "What?" "How you doin'?" "I'm having a personal trauma." "What?" "Me and troy broke up-- for good." "Troy..." " My vollie." " Oh." "Because of the fire." "The fire..." "The baby fire." "Jesus christ--they're calling it the baby fire?" "Yeah,he even took down the tommy gavin shrine." "So..." "Oh,wait a minute." "Oh,that guy." " Why?" " Yeah.I think that he was sleeping with me... to hang out with you." "And then he said that you're not even a hero anymore because you let 7 babies die in a fire.And then..." " I just" " Ok,ok,ok..." " it was a goddamn inferno." " I know." " It--it was unbelievable." " I know." "I'm just telling you what he said." " Are you there?" " Yeah,I'm here." "I mean,I'm telling you,they were dropping kids out the windows as-  as we pulled up." " I know." " You know?" " I know.I read about it." "Are you ok?" "No." "Let me ask you something." "That,uh,plan that you offered up-- about,you know,my... kid?" "Yeah." "That,uh,still stand?" "Yes." "Uh... by all means,yes." " Tommy?" " What?" "Are we gonna--are we gonna do this?" "Nah,no." "I can't do it." "I'll--I'll talk to you later." "Shit." "Come on,pal." "Come on." "Ohh,yeah.All right,unh." "You all set?" "Here we go." " Hello?" " Hey,it's mick." "Hey.What's going on?" "I got a call from maggie." "I got a feeling her drinking is completely out of control." "She said she's in montreal." "Canada?" "Yeah.She thought she was in paris at first." "Th a call from uncle teddy's wife saying he needs help." "Listen,I got an idea about how to help them, but I want to run it by you in person." "Maybe I drop by in the next couple of days." "Yeah." "So,um,how you been doing,drinking-wise?" "You making any meetings?" "No,I've been busy with the baby,you know, mostly going off the little black book,the "24 hours a day" book." "Well,the black book only goes so far." "Well,it's working for me,pal." "But you're sure you're good,huh?" "I saw the baby fire on the news." "Jesus christ." "The baby fir--you know what?" "They're still calling it the baby fire,I guess." "You know,why don't they call it the,you know, 16 appliances plugged into one wall socket fire?" "How about that,huh?" "Yeah.I know,tom." "I'm just saying what they're saying." "Or how about the god doesn't really give a shit about poor black kids fire." " How about that name?" "Huh?" " Tom." "It's unbelievable to me,man." "It really is." "What--what was god thinking here,mick?" "What do you think,huh?" "What do you have in mind?" "We don't know." "Maybe he's showing his mercy." "Maybe he was saving these kids from a fate far worse down the line somewhere." "Either way,it's out of our hands." "Yeah,well,let me tell you something,ok?" "We carried those goddamn kids out in our goddamn hands.Ok?" "Because their moron parents plugged in faulty space heaters because they were trying to keep warm 'cause their shit-ass landlords were too cheap to keep the goddamn heat on." "That's what happened.God had nothing to do with it,all right?" "God doesn't even enter into the equation,ok?" "Well,I--according to your theory," "I guess god had connor run over by a drunk driver,why?" "To spare him the fate of maybe having cancer of the ass when he was 42 years old?" "Is that what's going on,mick?" "Huh?" "Well,maybe because of his dna, he becomes a raging alcoholic,gets behind the wheel with a load on, and runs over somebodelse's innocent kid 15 years from now." "Maybe that's what's happening." "Did you ever think of that,huh?" " Tom?" " Yeah?" "Tommy?" "Nobody knows nothin',mick." "Not until it happens." "You're wrong." "Everything happens for a reason." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "All right." "You got no choice here,tommy." "Janet--she don't want him." "You give him to sheila,and janet's just out of spite." "And then what do you got?" "You got a mother raising a kid... day by day... little by little,inch by inch, filling that kid up with a lack of love." "And adoption?" "No way." "I don't want my kid being raised by no stranger." "You know what I'm saying?" "And me,I'm not gonna be around." "And you sure as shit ain't gonna be able to get over your hatred for me for what I had done, enough to be A... go-to type of dad,you know?" "I'm telling you,this kid-- you and I both know he's got a life of misery coming at him-- full of lawyers and self-loathing,absentee dads." "Put him out of his misery,tommy." "Drop him in the river." "It's the right thing to do." "Do it." "Do it for me."