"Previously on "Impastor"..." "How come every time you save me from someone, they end up dead?" "Would you rather have it the other way around?" " You ever seen this guy?" " No." " I'm in love with you." " Do you mean that?" "And if I wasn't around," " you'd be dead." " How is that?" "Guy with a gun to your head?" "You shot him?" "But how?" "What were you doing out there?" "I saw that guy hit you and throw you in the trunk, so I followed you." "And then when he took you into the woods," "I had to do something." "And you just happened to have a gun?" "Ever since Kenny, I kept one in the trunk." "And you just happened to be a great shot?" "I grew up hunting with my dad." "Alexa, why didn't you tell me this before?" "Can't you infer that part?" "Maybe I could if I knew what "infer" meant." "I had just shot a man." "I didn't know who he was or why he wanted you dead." "Buddy, this is insane." "I still can't sleep thinking about it." "I have to know." "Who was that guy I shot?" "All right." "He was some right-wing religious nut who hated the idea of gays being pastors." "At least that's what he told me." " A religious nut?" " Yes." "Then why didn't you go to the police?" "Because I don't want the rest of his hetero hit squad coming after me." "Buddy, do you really expect me to believe that?" " Hi." " Hey." "I forgot my knitting." "Everything okay?" "Yeah." "Alexa just came by to borrow a... an orange." "Here you go." " Oh, thanks." " Sure." "Well, have a good night." "Well, that was weird." "Really weird." "Who comes by to borrow an orange?" "I couldn't stop thinking about what Alexa had told me and how she wasn't buying what I had told her." "Hey, guys." "What are you doing?" "Just pounding a tasty corn dog." "Buddy, how could you eat there?" "They're antigay." "Well, I wasn't flaunting it." "These corn dog bigots are using so-called religious grounds to discriminate against us." "We're boycotting them until they change their policy." "I told you all about this." "Russell, sometimes when it looks like I'm listening to you," "I'm actually lost in prayer." "I won't apologize for that." "Well, now that you know, you are gonna get rid of that, right?" " Dora?" " Hi." "Yes, as you know, the election for church president is next week, and once again, I'm leading in the polls." "Oh, Alden." "You make the same joke every year." "Nobody ever runs against you, so... ha-ha!" "Oh!" "People have run against me in the past, at their peril." "If you remember, my last opponent vanished." "Glenn moved to Boise to open a Krispy Kreme." "Well, that's your version." "Anyway, I'll be giving my victory speech next Sunday, so I'll need you to draw up a list of all my accomplishments over the last year." "Your accomplishments?" "Like the rummage sale or the drive for the homeless or maybe the inter-faith breakfast, which were all my ideas?" "Which I authorized." " Hey, Alexa." " Sheriff Graham, hi." "You know, I'm so glad I ran into you." "I wanted to ask you about Ray Florez, the now-deceased guy you said you hadn't seen but you had." "How is it someone you didn't know have your number and texted you, "Car's gone." "You're next"?" "I have no idea." "I guess I was his next Lutheran Trinity target." "Ohh, okay." "Oh, hey." "Can you pass me a couple sugars?" "I've got a bit of a sweet tooth." "Oh, my goodness." "Where did you get those bruises?" "Oh, these?" "They're nothing." "Well... uh... looks like you have a matching set." "Well, okay." "Just between us," "I have an adventurous side in the bedroom." "Ohh." "Get it, girl." "Finally... a place where no one will judge me." "Buddy?" "Buddy?" "What's up?" "We need to talk." "People are saying you don't care about gay rights, and it's getting very hard to defend you." "Defend me?" "I have been sheltering you like a lioness with her cub, but you haven't done one thing for the gay community since you got here." "I hooked up with Steve the mailman." "That was pretty gay." "No youth outreach program, no LGBT fund raiser, no gay-straight alliance symposium, nothing." "You haven't even come to one of our weekly coffee meet-ups." "There." "That's the one!" "I'll do the coffee thing!" "We're talking like an hour, right?" " Oh, Dora, hi." " Hi." " Can I ask you a favor?" " Shoot." "Although I probably shouldn't be saying that to someone who's packing heat." "Um, you know, from what I hear, you're pretty tapped into things around this town." "Well, I have always felt you can observe a lot by watching." "Mmm, well, that's great because I really could use some help on this Ray Florez case." "Ray Florez?" "Isn't he the guy that burned Buddy's car?" "You are tapped in." "See, the thing is," "I have reason to believe that Pastor Barlow knows more about Ray's death than he's letting on." "I'd like for you to find out what you can for me." "So... so you want me to spy on Buddy?" "Oh, no, no, no, just keep your eyes and ears open, particularly when he's around Alexa." "I'm sorry, Sheriff." "I'm just not comfortable with that." "Okay, I understand." "But if you do happen to hear something, give me a call." "The sheriff is starting to put the pieces together." "She noticed the bruises on my wrists from where Ray tied me up." "What did you tell her?" "That I was adventurous in the bedroom." "How adventurous?" "Butt stuff?" "In case she asks, we need to have our stories straight." "Buddy, I have the bulletin that..." "Oh... sorry for interrupting." "Okay, I'll just give you two some privacy." "I need to know." "Are we in this together or not?" " Of course we are." " Then no more bullshit!" "Who was that man I shot?" "It's the only way that I'll ever be able to trust you." "His name was Damien." "And he was a bad, bad dude." "You did the world a favor by getting rid of him." "Why was he trying to kill you?" "I owed him a lot of money." "From gambling." "Look, I thought I'd be able to leave my debts in the past and make a fresh start in Ladner, but he found me." "And that's the truth." "You think that was impressive?" "Watch this." "You guys, guess who's coming to Judson Theater." ""Thin Lizzy." Who's in?" "Oh, I'm in." "Got my T-shirt from their '97 world tour." "Buddy, "Thin Lizzy" is a one-woman show about a girl with body issues." "Oh, then I'm out." "I'm not into skinny chicks." "Or any chicks." "Vaginas?" "No thanks." "Am I right?" "Ooh, look!" "Our Corn Dog House boycott just got another like." "That makes 17." "You know, if you want to take down these corn dog jerks, you need to go bigger than social media." "You gotta make some noise." "What do you mean?" "Like a protest?" " Sure." " What a fantastic idea from this active leader of our community." "And that was just off the top of my dome." "How 'bout we protest Corn Dog House Sunday afternoon?" " Yeah!" " Okay." "Yeah, go get 'em, guys." "I mean, let's go get 'em, guys." "Yeah." "You're part of it." "You are breathtakingly beautiful." " Thank you." " Please." " I thought we were going out." " I thought we were staying in." "Tie goes to the man." "That's why we wear 'em." "As a symbol of who it goes to." "Oh." "And I just happen to have here..." "Alden, can I ask you a question?" "Sure." "Are you afraid to be seen in public with me?" "No, of course not." "It's okay." "You can be honest." "Is it because of your wife?" "Uh, my soon-to-be ex-wife." "And I'm not afraid of her... anymore." "Well, are you embarrassed by me?" "What?" "No!" "I..." "I'm crazy about you." "By damn, you're right." "It is time we show the world we're a couple." "You know that cute, little French bistro on Elm Street?" "I hear they're tearing that down to build condos." "Soon as I get the permit." "You know this guy?" "His name's Kenny Banderas." "Isn't he the poor soul who committed suicide?" "Apparent suicide." "Turns out he and Ray Florez were cellmates way out there in Massachusetts." "Oh, small world." "I know!" "Two men who have no connection whatsoever to the town of Ladner both come here and wind up dead." "What are the odds?" "I'd say roughly nine-to-one." "I know you have a connection to Ray and Ray has a connection to Kenny." "I don't know how you and Alexa have a connection to poor, dead Kenny... yet." "Maybe we should pray on it." "Mm-mm." "Oh, that reminds me." "I brought you a Bible for your desk." "There." "Now you look like a real pastor." "Holy sh... spirit." "Hello there, Alden." "Oh." "And, uh, Ashlee, right?" "Welcome to Ladner Trinity." "Keep your mouth shut." "First time you ever wanted that." "Uh, I understand you and the Pastor know each other." "Does he understand all our conversations were confidential?" "Oh, well, what little conversation we had." "Well, I'm just happy to know all my counseling paid off." "Yes." "To see her kneeling before you, her mouth open, ready to receive the body of Christ, it warmed my heart." "You've got some nerve." "Well, I should get going." "Bringing your little harlot to church." "Hi." "The harlot's name is Ashlee." "For God's sake, you have hemorrhoids older than her." "Not anymore." "I found a cream." "Now you're the only pain in my ass." "The sheriff knows Ray and Kenny were cellmates." "What?" "Oh, God, Buddy." " This is bad." " Maybe not." "As long as there's no evidence tracing us back to Kenny, we're fine." "The gun that I used to save you with is the same one that was used in the Boston robbery." "It is in my closet." "It is registered to Kenny." "Jesus, Alexa!" "People usually keep a sweatshirt from their ex-boyfriend, not a gun." "Lot of good a sweatshirt would have done you out in the woods." " We have to get rid of it." " How?" "We'll do it together tonight." "Sheriff Graham?" "It's Dora Winston." "I think maybe we should talk." " Dora!" " Whoo!" "Can you believe Alden?" "Parading that hussy in front of the whole congregation." "Oh, I'm so sorry, Hilva." "That must have been really emotional for you." "It wasn't." "I accept my marriage is over." "What I will not accept is Alden and his teen lover bringing down this church." "Bringing down the church?" "How?" "Congregants are appalled with his indecent behavior." "We could lose members." "Pearl, Maryanne, both of the Joyces." "Do you want me to talk to them?" "Although I really only know the Joyces from that time we all carpooled to Quilt-A-Mania Four." "I want you to run for church president." "Me?" "You think that I could be president?" "Why not?" "You've put in the years." "You know how things run." "I always thought you didn't like me." " I don't." " Oh, okay." "But I think you could win." "Where's Buddy?" "We said we were meeting at 2:00." "Don't worry." "He said he'll be here." "He'll be here." "Buddy?" "Do you have a minute?" "I'm..." "I'm curious about something I heard you say to Alexa." "What thing was that?" "It just went something like, quote:" ""We have to get rid of it." "We'll do it together tonight."" "End quote." "Oh... that." "What was the thing you needed to get rid of?" "Dora... if I tell you something, can I absolutely trust you to keep it between us?" "Of course." "The thing we're getting rid of... is a ghost." " A ghost?" " Yeah." "I know it sounds silly, but Alexa believes there's one in her store." "When she opens up in the morning, she says there's clothes everywhere." "And she wants you to remove this ghost?" "Well, who you gonna call?" "Buddy, spirits from beyond are nothing to trifle with." "Maybe I should go with you." "No, no, no, no." "Alexa swore me to secrecy." "Well, be firm, and don't be afraid to call upon the Archangel Michael to help guide the lost soul to the light." "Yeah, I was gonna do that, for sure." "Ooh!" "And also, maybe you should light some sage." "You know, just to burn off the negative energy in the store." "Not a rookie." "Two, four, six, eight!" "Your corn dogs are deep-fried in hate!" "I know you think Buddy walks on water, but he has to walk with us, right now." "He's here." " Jeffrey, what's up?" " It's good to see you, Buddy." " We weren't sure you'd make it." " Oh, come on." "Being gay isn't all rainbows and pecker play." "Gotta do the work." "So let's give this restaurant... 20 minutes of hell." " Hi." " Hi." "So, what do you have for me?" "Nothing." "I'm sorry." "You wouldn't have called me if you didn't have something." "Well, um, I thought I did, but I was wrong." "Dora, withholding information about a crime is a crime." "Did Pastor Barlow get to you?" "You shouldn't be protecting someone involved in a murder." "You think that Buddy is involved?" "Are you crazy?" "He could never hurt anyone." "You know what?" "This conversation is over." "Not until I say it's over." "All right, it's over." "Your corn dogs are yummy!" "Your owner's a dummy!" "Your corn dogs are yummy!" "Your owner's a dummy!" "Look!" "They're here." " A news van?" " Yeah." "We took your advice to go bigger." "You're gonna be on TV." "I knew a lot of people in Portland, people who thought I was dead and knew I wasn't a pastor." "Hi, Karyn Lee." "You must be Pastor Barlow." "Thank you so much for doing this." "I knew you'd come through for us." "Rolling in five, four, three..." "And we're rolling!" "Hi, I'm Karyn Lee, and I'm here with..." "Pastor, the camera is over here." "I'm here with Pastor Jonathan Barlow as he protests a conservative Christian restaurant's antigay policies." "Now, Pastor..." "What are you doing?" "Uh, that's a... that's a good question." "But the better question is, what is Corn Dog House doing?" "They're not serving food to gay people like me." " Yeah." " But why the bag?" "Because it shouldn't matter what we look like or who we love." "Whether you're black, white, gay, or straight, we all deserve delicious beef franks wrapped in a sweet corn breading." " Right." " Right, guys?" " Right!" "Yeah!" " Right!" "Yeah." "And we're not taking these bags off until Corn Dog House changes its policies!" "America, it's time to stop homophobia!" " Yes!" " Stop it!" "Let's bag the hate once and for all!" " Yeah!" " Bag the hate!" "Bag the hate!" "Bag the hate!" "Bag the hate!" "Bag the hate!" "Bag the hate!" "Wow, #bagheads is blowing up." "Corn Dog House says they're reviewing their policies." "Whoa!" "Easy on the corners." "I think someone's following us." " Who would be following us?" " I don't know." "But I'm gonna lose him." "God damn it." "We have a murder weapon in the car!" "I know we have a murder weapon in the car!" "All right, let me do the talking." "License and registration." "Here you go." "Why were you trying to get away from me, Mr. Barlow?" "Pastor Barlow, and I thought somebody was following me." "Why would someone be following you?" "And what brings you all the way out here from Ladner?" "Oh, we're returning from a prayer meeting." "Is that so, ma'am?" "You seem nervous... you got something to be nervous about?" "Like I said, we thought somebody..." "I was talking to the lady." "Officer, we have something in the car we shouldn't have." "No, we don't." "No, we don't." "It's drugs." "Marijuana." "You do know marijuana is legal here in Oregon." "Really?" "Oh, my God." "I'm from out of state, so I thought I was in big trouble." "Well, you're not." "Well, maybe not with him, but we're gonna have a little chat, missy." "Drugs are wack." "You two have a nice night now." " Thank you, Officer." " You too, Officer." "Thank you." "Yes!" "That was awesome!" "Oh, my..." " You were awesome!" " Oh, my God!" "My heart is racing a mile a minute." "Feel!" "Feel!" "Oh, sh..."