"Is this really a good idea?" "To you, it might be both perfume and drink." "This is window washer fluid." "I don't know what Dorina told you,   but I've got a girlfriend." "I'm not the man for you." "When you're young, you're so vivid that you need sadomasochism later in life." "Hi!" "How did you get in?" "You gave me the key while drunk, in case you didn't wake up." " Right." "So what happened to you?" " God's vengeance." " You don't believe in God." " Mother Earth, then." "Some feminine force for sure." "This is what I've learned about Russia in 3 days." "I looked it up." "3 out of 4 Russian woman will be beaten in their lifetime." "14 000 are beaten to death each year,   and half their kids will grow up with an alcoholic parent   in a country with 5 million drug addicts   and the world's fastest growing HIV-rate." "Imagine the end of all this   manifested in a single woman." "It's a fucking demon." "An erection-stealing demon." "A demon that has lived at my place." " Why?" " Because I'm so utterly pathetic   when I'm horny." " I wouldn't say that." "When it comes to your partners, quantity is what matters." "And that thing?" "No..." "Fine." "Spoon." "I thought I could do spoon." "I'm the king of spooning." "I can be a tea spoon and a ladle, but no." "This isn't the subway in Minsk, it's my apartment." "I've a girlfriend and a kid You have to go, understand?" "No, please." "Stop it!" "No, that's enough." "You're leaving." "Come on!" "No, you're outta here." "Got that?" "It's karma." "Everything I've put women through over the years   comes back to me, made manifest in a rabid female   possessed by a hateful libido, fired up on speed and vodka." " You slept with her?" " I couldn't!" "I've slept with everything from geriatrics to quadriplegics." "There was no way." "No sign of life, Dag." " Where is she now?" " I waited for her to fall asleep." "Then I slipped down to the basement and locked myself in." "I crawled inside a teepee made of skis, poles, and an old blanket." " I hid, and called the cops." " You can't keep doing this." "No, I can't." "I'm a fucker." "A fucker has to fuck." "Ergo, I can't sustain situations that deprive me of that ability." "You hit bottom in a public restroom." "I hit mine beneath the Siberian executioner." "That wasn't exactly what I meant." "I'm going to go home, clean up and get my mojo back." "I will crawl back to Mia." "If she takes me back, I'll never fuck up again." "Not just because of my dick, but because it's the only thing I want." "That's that, then." "Who are you?" "I'm Eva, Marianne's friend." "I'm borrowing her apartment while she's away." "Right." "She said you might drop by." "Birger." "I'm taking in the mail and all that." "I'm just about to feed my son,   but I can take care of the mail and the plants while I'm here." "Great." "I just need to sleep a bit." "I won't be in the way or anything." " Here?" " I'm behind on my rent,   but that'll get squared in a few days." "What the fuck." "Great to see some new faces." "Not great, but you know what I mean." "What can I do for you?" " Want to go first, Lasse?" " No, you start." " There's never enough time." " Yes, that's a known fact." "Tell me about a perfectly normal day." "We get up at 6:30." "Sebastian has to be dropped off by 7:30   then Maren to child care." "Then we both have to be at work by 8." "Then we work all day, until one of us picks up both kids   giving the other an extra hour at work." "We alternate days." "Whoever picks up, makes dinner." "Then, we aim for quality time   with the kids from 6PM to 7:30." "We never get done until 8:30." "Then we work for a couple of hours." "That's a day without soccer or dance practice." "Then we have to drive them." "Dinner is a hot dog in the car." "Organic." "We aim to be good parents." "Not to be rude, but didn't you know all this before you had kids?" "We thought it would work out, but it just doesn't." "We never get to work out!" "Whatever we have of alone-time,   goes to job dinners." "Our relationship is nothing but a schedule." "We're unable to air things because Lasse can't deal with conflict." " Is that true, Lasse?" " You are!" " Yes." " Yes..." " What is it you want?" " A better life." "And not feel so guilty about each other and work." " Work less!" " We're up to our ears in debt." "But you're not living." "You exist, if that." "Your relationship is like watching a fat man run." "Every step is an effort." "You know that old saw, "the journey is the destination"?" "Your destination is a debt-free death." " Do you have kids?" " No." "Then you don't know what it's like for us." "Sure." "Or we could say that you live to work   rather than work to live." "Your jobs do not add meaning to your lives." " What would you suggest?" " Me?" "Well, since your relationship is purely logistical..." "Get a divorce." "Share custody, so you can work night and day   all week, and then see your kids the next week." "If you miss each other, you can meet up every other weekend." "Perfect solution." "Everyone is happy." "No disappointments anywhere." "This isn't helping at all." "Can you pick up today?" "I have to wrap up a presentation at work." " Yes, if you can deliver tomorrow." " No, I can't drop them both off!" " Thank you." " Good luck." "Hi, it's Dag." "Hi, Trine." "I was just about to call you." "Yeah, about that coffee." "This is not a good time." "I've got clients   well into the afternoon all week." "Yes, I do have to eat." "Dinner?" "Yeah..." "That's great." "Right?" "Deal." "I'll look forward to it, then." "Fine." "Bye." " Congrats, Dag." " For what?" "The couple you just saw?" "New record." "4 minutes and 57 seconds." "Shit." " Having a bad day?" " No more than usual." "I read your latest book   when I was in for..." " Detox." " Call it what you want." " Rehab." "Repairs." "Drying out." ""Scorched Hearts' Tactics"." "That's you, right?" " Who?" " The protagonist?" "She who gets saved from all these situations." "30 years old, brunette, southern dialect, sometimes foreign." "I wrote something last night that I think is pretty good." " Yeah?" " Want to hear?" "Yeah..." "I just had a thought." "Can we switch places?" " Why?" " It felt good sitting there   talking to someone on the couch, like you do." "Come on, Dag." "You've been rehabbed." "I'm sure they told you to break your patterns." " How would you know?" " I've been to rehab myself." "It didn't work for me." "I'm too fond of drinking." "OK." "There." "Now you can talk." " Dag, please shout at me." " Why?" "I want it to sound like it does from out there." " There." "Now you can talk." " A little louder." "There." "Now you can talk, damnit!" "Well, the heroine is in a small fishing village." "She's waiting for her husband, who's at sea, fishing alone." "The love of her life, since he cared for her when she was pregnant." "A rich merchant had thrown her out in January, without shoes." "He's not coming." "The sea has got him, just like here." "Suddenly, she hears something and turns." "He's coming." "The provider, the true male." "He pulls his boat ashore in the moonlight, alone." "Naked to the waist, even if it's storming." "Cut." "Unshaven, with long hair." "She runs to him." "He pulls her into his arms." "Her life is saved by Trond Espen Seim." "Trond Espen Seim?" "Louder, Dag." "Trond Espen Seim?" "!" "The resemblance is uncanny." "Not just the name." "it gets even better in the next chapter." "She's condemned to death." "Locked in together with her dying brother." "There's no way out." "Suddenly he's standing there." "With dirt in his face, and a bullet hole in his heart." "And naked to the waist." "The world's most beautiful man." "Trond Espen Seim?" "That's just it, Dag." "They've been lovers through centuries." "Through all their many lives." " Always bare-chested?" " Yes." "I need to start drinking again." "Or book an extra session at Ernst's." "Call him and let him know I'm on my way." "Hi." "Bit of butchering?" "I got a text message from Mia, saying she came straight here." "I wondered if she could come and talk a bit?" "She's in hospital." "Son sick." "My son?" "What hospital?" "Ulleval?" "Fuck." "This isn't crashing on the couch for a few days." "No, but we've got a gig tomorrow." "We usually rehearse at my place, but they've changed the locks." "The neighbor is deaf, so we're not bothering anyone." "A couple of hours today, and tomorrow." "It won't bother you?" "Fine." "OK, from where we left off." ""The Old Man and the Sea"." "I'm sure I've read it twenty times." "I never get tired of it." "No, good book." "It's kind of like you." "Alone on the ocean." "He's battling a fish." "You're battling yourself." "I would have preferred the fish." "Are you still wanting the liberating drink when you come home at night?" "The one that lowers the shoulders and quiets the noise in your mind." "You usually try to make your patients crack?" "You have to make sure you don't end up unemployed." "But alcohol is not you problem." "It's just the result of it." "Besides, it's good." "Yes, that's right." "Self-pity." "I've given it some thought." "That's not it." "It's realism." "Mark Twain said: "Humanity is such that sometimes   it seems a pity Noah didn't miss the boat."" "In that case, I'll quote Kierkegaard on your relationship to humanity." ""You can't see the forest for the trees."" ""We are the matter garbage is made of, so let's drink up and forget."" "Eugene O'Neill." "In your case, it won't help to quote dead, dry drunks." "It's like Cheri Huber says:" ""If someone close to you treated you   the way you treat yourself, you'd have killed him long ago."" ""Facts don't cease to exist just because they're ignored."" "In my defense I have to say that we weren't so interested   in ourselves, life would be unbearably boring." "Schopenhauer, by the way." "You should read him." "This is stupid." "It's verbal thumb wrestling, not therapy." "Neither one of us can win." " I'm afraid you're wrong here too." " How so?" "Don't forget that you're paying me to sit here." "I'm not even sure if you're actually human." "No, I'm the next evolutionary step." "A man that man cannot hurt." "That's good, Dag." "You're getting there." "Much better than self-pity." "You're almost well." "Right..." "Hi, my son is in the ICU, I think." "Hi, I thought that voice sounded familiar." "Wow, you work here." "Yeah, some shifts." "What's your son's name?" "Alexander Balac Petrovic." "I can help you." "Follow me." "He came in this morning with a fever of 113." " You know what he's got?" " No." " Meningitis." " Oh, fuck." " I came as soon as I could." " I don't want you here." " I'll call if anything happens." " Mia, I have to be here." "Please." "I don't want you here." "The fever is still high, but he has stabilized." "We have to get it down in the next 3 hours." "I'm not leaving." "That's my son." "I don't want you here." "Leave!" "It's you..." " Drill?" " Yes." "I've acquired a roommate." "Birger." "Birger?" "What does he want?" "He's evicted, so we have residential issues." "Not for the first time." "So I wonder if we could borrow your couch   until Birger leaves." "I figured I'll save you the job of   redrilling the holes, so it'll be like old times." " Come on in." " Thanks." " Do you want them in the same spots?" " Yes, why not?"