"Why can you never stay faithful to one girl?" "Well, that's the giveaway right there... "girl."" "A black man wants a woman, he doesn't want a girl." "Maybe that's why her man's not faithful to her." "If she grow up and become a woman he can be faithful to her." "But that's back from back in the day, in Africa, in the beginning, when the white man went over there and saw the black man naked with his 12 wives." "'Cause black men are used to having a lot of women." "He saw us with, y'know, 12 wives." "And so he ran back to America and made a law." "If you marry more than one person" "I think they call it "bigamy"?" "And you have to break it down:" ""Bigga-than-me"." "(man) Can I ask you to move your chair for me a bit, just back a little bit?" "Okay." "And sort of squared off with the desk if you don't mind." "No, the other way, so the arm is up against the desk." "Yeah, and back a little." "Thank you." "Still speeding." "(second man) Okay, set?" "Yep." "Ready to go forward." "I just want to know, why do black men only make the right pimps?" "Why are black men only suitable to be pimps?" "That's already very funny." "Black men are suitable to be pimps?" "Well, you should ask the white woman." "I mean, that's a question to ask the white woman because he seems to be doing a lot of pimping with the white lady." "So the question is kind of reversed." "But the biggest pimp I've ever known was a white pimp, and he drove a Volkswagen." "And he was pimpin' everybody." "I think you guys call it "the President"." "(crew laughing)" "(man) Happy thoughts." "Here we go, okay." "Why do we black people like to smoke so much weed, can you tell me why?" "Well, I have a question for that nigga." "Where are your teeth, nigga?" "'Cause that's funny, when I see black people with no teeth it cracks me up." "But I think black people like to smoke weed because they're so depressed about not working." "So they just get a blunt and try to get high and forget." "But it's very sad because most people I know that smoke weed..." "I don't do drugs... most of them that I know, they forget a lot." "And I love that commercial on marijuana that used to be on." "When they came out and said, about your memory?" "Said, "I smoke it and I don't forget."" "And then: "what was I talking about?"" "That's some funny stuff." "Y'know, I guess it all depends on what kind of herb you speak..." "I mean, I'm not into any kind of drugs, y'know, so I don't have an answer for that." "I think black people just like to party." "They have that in their blood." "Sometimes they can go overboard and it's real sad." "And don't ask me about drugs, ask Whitney and Bobby, don't ask me." "(laughter)" "Okay, ah..." ""can black guys jump?" Here we go." "Can black guys jump high?" "That's kind of a trick question." "I thought it was... what's the movie, "White Men Jump?"" "White Man Can... what was it, "White Men Can't Jump"?" "What was it, yeah, something like that, yeah." "But I always said that I thought they don't have to 'cause they own the teams." "They let the black people jump." "Yeah, black people can jump high, you gotta jump." "Gotta do something when you running from the police." ""Why you walk like this."" "I ask you why you walk like this, huh?" "All you, always, all you black guy, why?" "Why do you..." "I'm sorry, hold on." "That's all right, go ahead." "This is for me, don't do anything yet." "Always, all you black guy." "Okay, here we go." "I ask you why you walk like this, huh?" "All you, always, all you black guy, why?" "I want to ask a question, why do you have all these people with these deep accents?" ""Why you walk like a du-da-ta."" "Haven't we learned anything from 9/11?" "I wanna see his passport." "Damn the question, I mean, where is he from?" ""Why you walk like a... "" "No, that's too much for me." "Black people walk like that 'cause we have style, we got flavor, we got rhythm." "I mean, the black man in America is the most copied man on this planet, bar none." "Everybody want to be a nigga, but nobody want to be a nigga." "How about that question?" "The Colonel's a nigga now, the Colonel's a nigga now." "He done eat so much chicken, he's a nigga now." "Carol Channing just admitted she was a nigga, the rest of them need to break down and admit it too." "(laughter)" "Give us time, two more." "I will." "I think this is the Stephen King." "Okay, here we go." "Do black people want to go to black dentists and do black people want to get buried by black... undertakers?" "That's funny, Stephen King." "He almost said, "nigga," I read between it." "Do black people want to go to black dentists?" "Well, maybe so, I don't know, maybe they do want to go to a black undertaker." "But what's the difference, when you're dead, you don't care who buries you." "I mean, what difference does it make once you're dead?" "You're dead, you're outta here." "Whether it's black undertakers or black dentists..." "I always thought dentists were dentists," "I wasn't into black and white dentists, please." "If they can fix the teeth, cool." "They can't, that's cool too." "That's kind of a weird question." "Coming from Stephen King that was very strange." "Must be, David, that must be your choice." "That was weird, he must be a friend of yours." "Have the horror man come on and ask a question about a nigga, that was already scary." "I wrote a script for Stephen King." "I have a Stephen King horror movie." "Nigga With A Brain... we'll see how that scare people." "Or Niggas In School..." "how about that, stephen?" "Niggas In School, I like that." "All right, this is, this is Dee Snyder from Twisted Sister, yeah." "Okay, here we go." "(Dave Chappelle) "We're not gonna take it!"" "Are all their dicks really big?" "Or are some small, some big?" "Is it a mixed bag, or do we just assume they're all hung like horses?" "That's funny too." "The biggest white boy with the biggest dick is dead, that's John Holmes." "He got outta here quick, that's a whole 'nother story." "But I guess brothers do, I mean, brothers are packin', they seem to be packin'." "I guess that's the way of the world." "That's why you have so many mixed couples." "White girl ain't that crazy." "How does the old saying go," ""once you go black, you don't come back"?" "If you go white, you go running back to black." "Ain't that the way it goes?" "It happens that way." "Wasn't Mariah Carey married to a white man?" "And then they divorced." "She was humping on black chairs, she went crazy when she got away from him." "(laughter)" "One more?" "More?" "Yeah." "I've always wondered why black guys shave their heads." "I mean, it just seems that they have great hair and I can never figure out why so many of them shave their heads." "I think bald heads are like a backlash of white people with hair in their face." "We just got sick of white people throwing their hair back." "So the first bald headed man I seen was a white man, that was Yul Brynner." "And then "Kojak", was bald headed." "So the white people kind of made bald heads famous first." "And then the brothers just took it over and went crazy with it." "But it's good, 'cause it saves the haircuts." "'Cause the haircuts were getting too much." "See, the niggas ain't that dumb, haircuts was costing too much." "So they said, "no, we're just gonna go bald and break up all this bull."" "So now they got spray for the shine." "They trying to double back and make some money." "But bald heads, it's a fad, that's all, it's just a fad." "But everybody shouldn't wear a bald head, 'cause some niggas got some ears that are just too scary." "And they don't even see it, they just think it's a style." "Everybody cannot wear a bald head." "Let's be realistic, not everybody." "A few of us can, but not everybody can wear a bald head." "It can be very, very scary." "Nigga, grow your hair, today." "Cover up them ears." "But then there are those who've had ear jobs." "You guys don't even get into that." "I can name them but I won't do that, they'll get mad at me." "They've had those ears clipped." "So, you know, it's just a fad." "Now, white folks wear bald heads too." "You know they're not gonna let a nigga have nothing." "We wore naturals, they took that, they take everything." "They took Tina Turner." "They took Michael Jackson." "They took James Brown..." "they gave him back." "Who else they take?" "Lionel Richie." "Oh, they'll take stuff from you." "Can we think of anybody else they took?" "Because they won't let us have too much fun." "That's what I told some black people the other night at my show." "I said, "don't get, don't get too fond of me 'cause white folks'll come in and take me."" "They only want niggas to have a little bit of fun." "If I get to talking some mess on your show, they'll take your show, they'll fix you too." "If you have too much fun." "So if you're black and you're around white folks, don't have too much fun." "Just grin a little bit, don't grin all the time, nigga." "So just keep your head shaved, keep bald heads." "And hey, I think bald heads are cool." "L.L. got a bald head, who else got a bald head?" "Help me out." "They all, yeah, they all have bald heads." "I was surprised Clinton didn't get a bald head." "(clapping)" "Okay, all right, good." "Any other words of wisdom you want to give us?" "Well, there's no more questions." "Is there any more questions?" "No, no." "We'll get you some more." "Huh?" "I can't hear you." "(woman) Who made up the questions." "Who?" "Yeah, remember you were talking about last... who made up the questions." "These questions?" "No, I said it was probably a combination of David and a white writer, I'm sure of it." "No!" "It was these people!" "Those people didn't make up this for you!" "(man) They made up every single one." "Those people made up every one of those?" "!" "I swear to God." "Well, you should've had them all arrested." "(Dave) That's exactly what I told them, I said... you didn't tell them to say this?" "(man) Not a single word." "(Dave) I just said we have a team of black... and they started asking them?" "That's..." "then it's funny as hell, then it's even funnier." "That is very funny." "Including Stephen King?" "(man) Including Stephen, he was coming out of a restaurant." "Bobcat directed this, so Bobcat was with us and he knew Stephen." "And so we asked the..." "That's a damn..." "Okay, then it's even funnier."