"Does that hurt!" "It is unbelievable how much pain a thing like this can cause." "Have you ever had a corn?" "No, I have never had a corn." "Regent Diek, I know that it's hot today and people are a bit out of sorts, but there is no reason to be mad at me just because I have a corn on my foot." "I am not mad at you because you have a corn on your foot." "I am mad because I have something important to say." "And I haven't been able to get it out because of your foot." "I'm either hearing about it or you're limping around on it." "Will you please sit down?" "Oh, you're right." "That's better, yes." "I have a message from the board of regents." "Good." "The board of regents." "How is the board these days?" "Disappointed." "Disappointed?" "Disappointed." "Disappoint..." "About what?" "Plenty." "They feel that your problems here at the school are overwhelming." "Well, so do I." "And the board wants action." "New blood, fresh ideas." "Top-level changes, Higgins." "That's what the board wants." "And, frankly, I agree." "Oh, good thinking, Diek." "Yes." "Fresh faces, new blood, top-level changes." "That's the ticket." "Good." "Good to hear that you agree." "When are you leaving?" "Oh, lust as soon as I..." "What?" "When am I...?" "Well, you didn't mean... top-level changes?" "Yes, Higgins." "Top-level." "Well, not the very tippy-tippy top?" "Surely not the very tippy-tippy-tippy top?" "Yes, I'm afraid the very tippy-tippy-tippy top." "Let's face it, Higgins, you've had years to get this place back on its financial feet." "And you haven't done it." "Waste." "Waste." "Waste." "Here, look at this budget." "Well, the costs for the science department alone." "They're ridiculous." "The science..." "That's that Quigley again." "I know what..." "I'll fire him." "That'll end the waste." "Oh, I guarantee that." "Quigley out, waste out." "You'll see." "Oh... I'm afraid firing Quigley is not going to satisfy the board of regents." "Now, Higgins, Iet's not make a problem out of this." "Why don't you just step down gracefully?" "Step down?" "I can't step down." "You see, I'm right in the middle of my... uh, my promotional program." "Promotional program?" "Yes." "To raise money." "That's what you want, money?" "Yes, money." "But how...?" "How?" "Don't you worry about..." "All I need is 30 days." "Higgins, honestly, I don't..." "30 days, Regent Diek." "All right, 30 days." "But that's it." "No more excuses this time." "I don't know what I'm going to tell the board of regents." "Regent Diek, you'll find your confidence in me is amply rewarded." "What confidence?" "What con... ln 30 days the changes you'll find..." "Higgins, I've already told you, you have your 30 days." "But do something." "Let's get some order restored around this place above all." "And no more expensive nonsense!" "Regent Diek, there is no nonsense going on around here, I can assure you, because if there were I would see it - nothing escapes my eye." "Higgins, what are you doing?" "What am I doing?" "You forgot something." "Forgot something?" "Yes, you forgot your... oh, your hat." "Yes." "Wait a minute." "This is not my hat." "As a matter offact, I wasn't even wearing a hat." "That's right." "That's my hat." "I thought I recogni2ed that." "Oh, and tell the board of regents to cheer up." "Every cloud has a silver lining." "Doesn't it?" "Type something." "A little higher on your side." "That's it." "Leave it right where it is." "Perfect." "Hey, Dexter, what do you think of that?" "Yeah, that's terrific, Schuyler." "Yeah, it does look pretty good, doesn't it?" "You know, I'm not sure a cow mice as starved as Ruthy-Bell would have anything to do with this stuff." "It's probably that acid taste she doesn't like." "You get rid of that and she'll probably like it." "Yeah, maybe you're right." "Carry on." "Good morning, Dean." "All right, where is he?" "Hey, Dean, what happened to your foot?" "Never mind my foot." "Where is he?" "Who?" "Who?" "Quigley, who." "That's who." "Isn't he here?" "He'll be a few minutes late." "He just dropped by the supply room to pick up a few more test tubes." "You mean that he leaves you people alone?" "Sure." "Why not?" "Yeah, we're on the honor system." "I suppose that is on the honor system too." "A cow on the honor system?" "Hey, that's pretty good, Dean Higgins." "Stop trying to butter me up." "I know that isn't funny." "Dean, is there anything we can do?" "No, there isn't anything you can do for me." "I just came up here to make a little announcement." "Back to work." "A little announcement?" "Hey, maybe he's going to give Quigley a promotion." "Yeah, wouldn't that be something!" "If it isn't asking too much, do you think I would be going beyond my prerogatives as dean of this college to ask you what you're doing?" "Oh, no, sir." "Well, what are you doing?" " l'm crushing vitamins." "I can see that." "Any fool can see that." "What for?" "Oh, for the cow, sir." "Everything we do around here is for the cow." "You mean to tell me that you're crushing up perfectly good vitamins to feed to a cow?" "Yes, sir." "That's how we're gonna cure Ruthy-Bell's nutritional problem." "Who?" "Ruthy-Bell." "The cow." "As you can see, she's sort of skinny and hopefully we'll end up with a fat cow." "So that's what all this expense is for, to make a cow fat." "Not only fat, sir, but a strong cow too." "Thrilling, isn't it?" " l'm overwhelmed." "I knew you would be." "You see, it was really my idea." "I thought so." "The kids are just helping me out." "If you'll excuse me..." "Shorty, I need another piece of pizza." "The flavor's not quite right yet." "One piece of pizza coming up." "Pizza?" "Yeah, and she seems to like it, too." "Do you think maybe she's Italian?" "That's not funny, Schuyler." "Don't you get it?" "I mean, an Italian cow eating pizza." "An Italian cow!" "That kills me!" "Engaging in a bit of merriment, Dean Higgins?" "He is. I'm not." "I see." "Well, it's nice of you to come by." "May I show you around?" "No, you may not show me around." "I've already been shown enough with this vitamin-grinding numbskull that calls himself a science major." "I heard that, sir." "Good!" "That's not all I have to say, Quigley." "Do you have any idea how much this operation is costing you?" "Well, not really, sir, but we're cutting back everywhere we can." "You take the cow rental, for instance." "Cow rental?" "Do you mean we're paying money to make a cow fat?" "Well, you don't want us to have skinny cows, do you, sir?" "Skinny cows, fat cows - who cares?" "Dean Higgins, please don't get excited." " l'm not excited." "Just tell me how much rental we're paying for this so-called cow." "Well, not very much, sir." "How much?" "Would $15 a day be too much?" "$15 a day?" "That's the extravagance." "If the board of regents ever finds out about this, Quigley, you're..." "Yes, sir?" "I'm what?" "You're..." "What's the matter, sir?" "I'm what?" "You're..." "Boy, he sure is having trouble getting out that announcement." "You're fired." "Fired?" "Fired?" "Yes, fired." "Well, what about his promotion?" "Promotion?" "Quigley, you're out of here!" "Out, out, out, out, out!" "And another thing!" "You kids better stop thinking about fat cows and think about some way to make money for this school." "Because if you don't, in 30 days I'm out, and if I'm out, you're out." "You're all out, I'll see to that." "What's the matter with him?" "He acts like he's gone crazy." "I think I can explain it." "The school has got some large financial problems." "In fact, it may be going under and the board of regents has been giving Dean Higgins a lot of pressure." "But what's he going to do without you?" "I think the school will get along fine without me." "But thank you." "I'll tell you what, why don't you all go back and clear away your things and I guess we'll call it a day." "Yeah, hello." "Hello." "This Dexter Riley?" "Yeah, this is Dexter Riley." "Well, this is Silas Willoughby, the man who rented Ruthy-Bell to you." "Yeah, how are you, Ruthy-Bell?" "How you doing?" "This isn't Ruthy-Bell." "Ruthy-Bell's a cow." "Now. what t wanna know is what you fellas did to her." "Yeah. well. somebody did something to her." "She's already given us 80 gallons of milk and still going strong." "What do you think of that?" "Come on, Brutus." "Go home, Blossom." "That big dog picking on Brutus again?" "Yeah." "Schuyler, you're just gonna have to teach that dog not to be chicken." "Yeah, Brutus, you're cute." "But one of these days you're gonna have to stand up and fight." "Can I have some of your cereal?" "Sure." "Help yourself." "Thanks." "Boy, it's sure gonna be tough." "Tough?" "What do you mean?" "Quigley having to leave the school." "Oh, yeah." "Things aren't gonna be the same without him, I can tell you that." "Yeah, well, I wouldn't worry about it." "I mean, after all, how many times has Higgins fired Quigley?" "I mean, I can remember him being fired at least five times and I've only been here six and a half years." "I think." "Or is it seven?" "Schuyler, I don't think I want any more of your cereal." "That's OK." "Coming, Dexter?" "Yeah, I'll be right there." "Come on, Schuyler." "You're gonna miss psychology." "No, I'm not. I'm not gonna miss it at all." "I'm gonna fix my car." "Your cereal, are you sure you're through with it?" "Yeah, I'm through with it." "Give it to Brutus." "He'll eat anything." "Oh, yeah." "Hey, Brutus!" "Come on, Brutus!" "Breakfast!" "Brutus!" "Late again." "What did you do with my blue socks?" "I think I got a rock in my shoe." " l'll hold your books." "Dexter, how'd you do that?" "Dexter." "Slam-dunk it!" "Slam-dunk it!" "Hey, Dexter, you're going the wrong way." "No, I'm not." "Come on!" "Really, Elmer, I hate to have to keep haranguing you, but all of this eating in class, it simply has to stop." "I can't help it, Dean Higgins. I get hungry every once in a while." "Every once in a while?" "Do you reali2e that I have reports from your first, your third, your fourth and your seventh classes?" "They are all complaining about your eating." "Really, all of this bag rattling and cracker crunching while people are trying to study." "Yes, Mercedes." "What is it?" "Professor Quigley's here to pick up his severance check." "Professor Quigley." "Well, you inform Professor Quigley that we don't give out severance checks anymore." "But we always give out severance checks." "Well, we don't anymore!" "We just ran out of money." "Money, money, money, money." "That's all some people think about, money." "What do you want?" "Where was I?" "You were talking about my bag rattling and cracker crunching." "Oh, yes, and that is not the half of it." "I've got complaints here from our janitorial service." "They're reporting large cake crumbs in rooms 306 and 308." "Now, this is very serious business, Elmer." "Teachers I can get, students I can get, but janitors, oh..." "So consider this a final warning, Elmer." "I don't care what you do out of class, but in class no more jellybeans, no more cake, no more cookies, no more..." "Elmer?" "Elmer, am I getting through to you?" "Dean Higgins, guess what?" "Guess what?" "Guess nothing!" "How dare you burst into my office when I'm reprimanding a student." "Oh, I'm sorry." "We didn't mean to interrupt, but something happened to Dexter." "Something happened to Dexter." "Something is always happening to him." "That's nothing new." "Besides, that's no excuse to come..." "Quigley, what are you doing here?" " l'm afraid I don't know, sir." "Listen, Dexter got strong." "I mean, really strong." "Professor Quigley, your ideas on that formula really worked." "Are you talking about the formula you used on the cow?" "Yeah." "All right, you kids." "All right!" "Out, out, out, out!" "Hey, Dean Higgins." "Look!" "Good heavens." "Oh, and that's just with his right hand." "Show him what you can do with your left, Dex." "You see what I mean?" "Hey, let me down, will you?" "Yes, for heaven's sakes, Iet him down before he breaks something." "How did all this happen with the...?" "I don't know." "I just ate some of Schuyler's cereal and all of a sudden I got strong." "Let me see that cereal." "It's the same cereal I eat every morning." "I never get strong." "Well, of course not." "It's not the cereal that made him strong." "It was Professor Quigley's and my formula." "Plain old cereal wouldn't do anything like that, no matter what those companies say." "I know." "What's the matter, Dean?" "Oh, nothing." "Nothing." "Would you young people mind waiting outside for a moment?" "You too, Elmer." "There we go, everybody." "I wanna talk to Professor Quigley alone for a moment." "You mean he's still working here?" "Well, of course he's still working here." "Everybody out." "There we go." "Bye-bye." "Ha-ha." "Aren't they wonderful?" "Quigley, do you reali2e what we have here?" "Well, it seems as though we might have quite an amazing scientific development." "It's more than that, Quigley." "It is much more than that." "Do you realize what these cereal companies would give to have a strength formula like this in their cereal?" "No, I never really thought about it." "Well, you think about it, Quigley." "You think about it." "Why, we've got something here that will get this school out of hock forever." "Much-needed new buildings, a new lab, money for all kinds of scientific experiments, and besides..." "Besides, if something doesn't happen around here pretty soon, you'll be out of a job." "That's right..." "That's not the point." "Mercedes, would you get me the president of the Crumply Crunch cereal company," "Coyote Corners, Curran County, Connecticut?" "That's Crumply Crunch?" "Crumply Crunch." "See, under normal conditions I can hardly move that at all." "Why don't you try that?" "Oh, I see what you mean." "Gentlemen, I think that it's time that we get started." "Well, what do you think, Harry?" "Obviously a charlatan." "A dime a do2en." "Strength demonstration?" "Can you imagine the boss falling for a thing like this?" "Over the hill." "Should step down, let a younger person run things around here." "Now, gentlemen, as all of you know, the chairman of the board hasn't arrived yet." "However, I would like to welcome Dean Higgins and ask him to be patient with us for a few minutes." "That's quite all right." "My time is your time, gentlemen." "Yes..." "Unfortunately, our time is not yours." "Now, it is approximately mo minutes past one." "I humbly suggest that you demonstrate whatever it is you're going to demonstrate so that we can get on with the real business of the meeting." "But we can't start without the chairman." "As senior vice president and second in command, we can start whenever I say." "Any objections, gentlemen?" "Trying to start without me again, Harry?" "Who, me?" "Of course not." "I could never do a think like that, Aunt Harriet." "I mean, Aunt Crumpling." "Mrs. Crumpling." "Aunt Harriet will be fine." "But, remember, just because you're a relative doesn't mean I can't fire you." "Any of you." "At ease, gentlemen." "Now, will the secretary please tell us what's the first thing on the agenda?" "Yes, Aunt Harriet." "That's Dean Higgins." "He's the one who claims to have that strength formula." "Oh, yes." "I believe I spoke on the telephone to you." "You're that funny little man from that funny little school downstate." "Uh, yes, I guess I am." "And you're here to demonstrate your strength formula for us." "If I recollect correctly, and I always do." "Oh, yes." "Madam, that is precisely why I am here." "Really, Dean Higgins." "Hm?" "Oh, this is my old gym outfit." "We weren't so fussy in those days." "How... how cute." "Very cute." "Oh, thank you." "May I proceed?" "Certainly." "My, doesn't that cereal have a lovely crackle?" "Ves." "Oh, oh, excuse me." "That was a little throwback I didn't expect." "Now, with your permission, I'd like to start with some weightlifting." "I'm going to show you how easy weightlifting can be." "Bravo!" "Bravo!" "He is truly remarkable." "Oh!" "Oh, my!" "That was exciting!" "And that's not all, gentlemen!" "More!" "Oh, no, Dean Higgins!" "No!" "No!" "Please, Dean Higgins." "That's quite enough, thank you." "Sorry, I got a little carried away." "I didn't realize how potent that formula was." "I hope I didn't upset anything." "Oh, no." "You didn't upset... a thing." "Did he, gentlemen?" "Oh, no, not at all." "Be seated." "Now, tell me, Dean Higgins, how long does the strength stay with you?" "Well, to tell you the truth, we don't exactly know." "That depends on the person and the amount of the formula used, but the duration of the strength is definitely limited." "That's bad." "But, Aunt Harriet, all the better." "If a person were to lose his strength, he'd have to eat more cereal to regain it." "Just think what that would do." "Why, we could sell cereal morning, noon and night." "Now, that's good." "Oh, brilliant, Cousin Edward, brilliant." "Now, gentlemen, I want you to pay strict attention." "The time has come to talk turkey." "To say nothing of cereal." "Say nothing..." "Sit down, Roscoe." "Sorry, Aunt Harriet." "Gentlemen, after years of playing second fiddle to the Krinkle Krunch cereal company, we are now going to be number one." "We're number one!" "We're number one!" "We are number one!" "We are number one!" "We are number..." "Gentlemen, gentlemen, please." "Dean Higgins, do you have a weightlifting team at Medfield?" "Well, no." "See, we don't exactly have the personnel to go in for that sort of thing." "Good." "Stanley, put the phone together... and then get me Kerwood Krinkle of the Krinkle Krunch cereal company." "Krinkle?" "Aunt Harriet, what are you doing talking to Krinkle?" "Just you wait and see." "A weightlifting contest bemeen State and Medfield?" "But we were national champions last year." "I mean, State, that is." "You know, I went there." "Oh, I believe everyone knows that, Kerwood." "But really, Harriet, what is the point of all this?" "I am proposing, in the interest of sports, and the cereal business, of course." "that a much-publici2ed match be held bemeen State and Medfield in which your company will support State and my company will support Medfield." "That way the public can determine which is the number one weightlifting team in America and perhaps the number one cereal company." "But, Harriet, we are the number one cereal company already, remember?" "Oh, I know that." "And I understand if you don't want to put your number one position in ieopardy." "Nonsense." "Krinkle Krunch is always ready for competition." "Besides, what a great publicity idea." "You know, Harriet, sometimes I think you're a wonder, just a wonder." "Goodbye, Harriet." "Medfield versus State." "What a laugh." "We'll murder 'em." "Right, men?" "Right!" "Right." "Aunt Harriet." "Yes, Uncle Frederick?" "Don't you think we should remind Dean Higgins of one little problem?" "Problem?" "What problem?" "Spies." "Spies?" "He means industrial spies, Dean Higgins." "There is no length to which the Krinkle Krunch company would not go to learn our plans." "Well, I can assure you that this project will be top secret." "I'll see that the lab is placed under maximum security." "You won't have to worry about any spies." "That's fine." "Of course, we do have a few spies of our own, but the ones from Krinkle Krunch are everywhere." "It's lust that we don't know who they are." "This is me." "This is me." "Good." "Were you followed?" "I don't think so." "What is it, Harry?" "You're in trouble, Krinkle." "Trouble?" "Yes." "That weightlifting match." "Withdraw." "Withdraw?" "You're kidding." "State has the greatest weightlifting team in the country." "We'll wipe Medfield right off the map." "She's sandbagging you, Krinkle." "Sandbagging me?" "Yes." "That Medfield bunch have come up with a strength formula they're putting in Aunt Harriet's cereal that will literally knock your number one out." "I'm telling you, withdraw." "I can't withdraw." "I just had a press conference." "I announced the whole thing." "In fact, I even bragged a little." "Then you're going to be number mo, Krinkle." "I saw a demonstration of how that formula works, and, believe me, Medfield is going to murder State." "Medfield's not going to murder State." "Krinkle Krunch will never be number mo." "Look, Harry, I'm counting on you to get that formula." "It's worth $1 OO, OOO to me." "It's worth a lot more than that." "All right, 150." "150 is OK for me." "But this is a big iob. I'll need help." "All right." "Another 50 for the help, but for heaven's sakes get some good people." "Don't you worry about a thing, Mr. Krinkle." "I think I have the right party in mind." "Exactly the right party." "Well, goodbye, Pete." "Always a pleasure to visit you, just so it's not for too long." "Well, Mr. Arno, you come anytime." "And just consider, our house is your house." "That's very good." "Thanks a lot." "Come on." "What does he mean, their house is our house?" "It ain't my house." "I never wanna go back to that joint again." "He's just putting you on, stupid." "Besides, we won't have to go back there again if you don't louse up anymore." "Now come one." "Boss, why do you always blame me every time we get into predicaments like this?" "Because it's your stupidity that gets us into these predicaments, that's why." "Hey, it's Harry!" "That's nice - a reception committee." "Hey!" "Harry, you old son of a gun." "How's life treating you?" "Couldn't be better." "Chauffeured limousine." "Penthouse downtown." "First cabin all the way." "As I said, things couldn't be better." "How about you?" "As you can see, I've had a temporary setback, but don't let that worry you." "I'll be right back on top before you know it." "I know you will." "As a matter of fact, that's why I'm here." "Oh?" "What's up?" "Is he OK?" "Who, him?" "Sure." "A little stupid, but he's OK." "You gonna start that kind of talk again?" "I mean, you keep that up, you're gonna cause me to lose my confidence." "Oh, yeah?" "Hey, what's the caper, Harry?" "I'll tell you all about it on the way to town." "Get in." "But boss, I don't care what that guy Harry says." "Every time we get mixed up with them Medfield kids we end up in jail." "I don't wanna go to iail no more." "I don't go for that "Our house is your house" stuff anymore." "Cookie, nobody's going to iail." "It's a real simple job that we're getting paid a lot of money for." "All we have to do is find out where the formula is and go in and get it." "You say that's simple?" "Well, sure." "As a matter of fact, it's so simple I'm gonna let you handle it yourself." "Yeah?" "All by myself?" "All by yourself." "It's a chance to prove yourself." "You'll figure it out, you'll do the leading, I'll do the following." "You really mean that, boss?" "I mean, I do the leading and you do the following?" "That's what I said." "I like that." "I lead." "He follows." "Terrific." "All right." "Now, here's the plan." "When that truck leaves, we go round the back of the building, up on the roof, over onto the scaffolding and down the front of the lab window." "The formula is in there." "I don't like the scaffold business." "But, boss, I cased this joint this afternoon." "The halls are loaded with security guards." "And it's the window or nothing." "We gotta use the scaffold." "All right, but I still don't like it." "Here, wear these." "What for?" "For the ropes." "For the ropes of the scaffold." "What are you, stupid?" "Who's stupid?" "I don't like taking orders from you." "But, boss, don't you remember?" "You said to me "Hey, you lead and I'll follow." Quote." "Yeah, and that's the stupidest thing I ever did in my life." "OK." "Follow me." "Come on, come on." "Hey, it's windier up here than it is down there." "Yeah, that's because it's higher up here than it is down there." "I know that." "Come on, boss." "Come on." "All right, I'm coming, I'm coming." "Come on, come on." "Wait a minute, wait a minute." "Come here, will you?" "Put your foot on this." "Like this." "OK, easy now." "I'm coming." "Wait a minute." "OK." "Right down." "Just jump." "Wait a minute." "Perfect, perfect." "Just perfect." "I'm gonna die!" "I'm gonna die!" "I'm gonna die!" "Boss, let go ofthe wall, will you?" "I can't let go!" "Boss, let go ofthe wall." "You're all fro2e up." "Let go of my arm!" "You know, you're violent." "And you're an idiot." "What are you trying to do, kill me?" "All you had to do was let go ofthe wall." "That's all." "The whole thing was lopsided." "I'll say this whole thing's lopsided." "I'm getting up there." "I wanna get off." "Boss, you don't wanna get off now." "The worst part's over." "The rest is a cinch, I'm tellin' you." "Look, all we gotta do is work these ropes." "We go down nice and easy right to the window." "Come on, get the rope." "This I gotta see." "You're sure you know how to work those ropes right?" "Sure I'm sure." "I worked it out today all by myself with a phony window-washing job." "Now with you helping me, it should be a snap here." "All we gotta do is release it together, a notch at a time, and we go down nice and slow." "Yeah." "Ready?" "Oh, OK, boss." "Lower away." "You see, boss?" "Yeah." "Yeah, this works pretty good." "Yeah, this does work pretty good." "Sure it does." "I told you, I had it all worked out." "You know, boss, you got all choked up and fro2e over nothing." "That ain't good for your heart." "And another thing." "You gotta learn to trust other people to figure things out sometimes." "Oh, yeah." "Trust other people?" "Like who?" "People like me, for example." "Cookie!" "Get me up!" "Give me your arm, boss." "Give me your arm." "Get me up, you idiot!" "I can't get up!" "Hold my arm." "I don't blame you for being scared, boss." "For a minute, I thought you was a goner." "You idiot!" "It was the rope." "It got a knot in it." "You got a knot in your head." "Just stay there, boss." "No problem." " l'm not staying anywhere." "All I gotta do is release the rope, that's all." "Oh, boy." "Hang on, boss." "I got it." "Cookie!" "Cookie!" "What are you doing, you crazy nut?" "Take it easy, will you?" "I got you." "You got me, you got me." "Oh, that smarts." "You did that on purpose." "Boss!" "Here we are, right at the window, just like I said." "Look." "We lust gotta go in here." "Going back, we take the stairs." "You can't." "The halls are loaded with those security guys." "I'll take my chances with those security guys." "I'm not going back on that scaffold with you." "But boss, I know how to work the ropes now." "I don't wanna hear any more about those ropes." "Let's get that formula and be quick about it." "All right, no problem." "It should be right over here." "The kid was working at this desk today." "Let's see here." "Probably put it in one of these drawers here." "That's funny." "Funny?" "What's funny about it?" "You drag me up here in the middle ofthe night and almost get me killed on that stupid scaffold and all you can say is "That's funny"?" "Boss, it's gotta be around here someplace." "I mean, I could swear the kid put it in one ofthese drawers. I'm tellin' ya." "Wait a second." "I was washing that window there." "I look through, I see the kid working around here." "It's funny." "Will you quit saying funny and find that formula?" "I'll find it, boss. I'll find it." "Yeah, you better." "It's worth 50,000 bucks." "Now start looking." "Shh." "What?" "What was that?" "Sounds like somebody snoring." "Don't be ridiculous." "Hey." "Maybe they got this joint bugged." "You know how those security guys are." "They're probably picking up everything we say right now." "That's it." "We'd better get outta here, in a hurry, but quietly." "Boss, wait a second." "You can't go out there." "The place is loaded with security guards." "Cookie, I'm taking over now." "We do it my way." "I'm not following you anymore." "You're following me." "Understand?" "Whatever you say, boss." "That's more like it." "Come on." "Close call, huh?" "Shut up." "Over here." "Cookie, do something, stupid!" "Listen, boss, I got it." "Hurry up!" "Hurry up!" "I'll handle the rope this time." "But, boss..." "Aw, shut up." "Aah-ooh-ooh-ooh." "The window!" "Well, you mo really botched things up." "I suppose you read this paper?" "Of course we read it." "Everyone in town read it." "including Mr. Krinkle, and he's furious." "Well, looks like we gotta go back there." "What do you mean?" "Go back?" "We can't do that." "Those security guards'll be around there like crazy." "I don't care what you do, but get that formula." "How are we gonna do that unless we...?" "Now, wait a minute." "There's only one way I know of to get that formula." "That's out of the head of the head of the kid who owns it." "But, boss, I know that kid." "He couldn't remember all that stuff if he had the formula right in front of his face." "Well, I'm not so sure about that." "Let's pick him up." "I know a certain Chinese gentleman who can be a great help in a case like this." "Brutus!" "Here, boy!" "Brutus?" "Brutus?" "Hey, kid, you looking for a dog?" "I sure am." "Mr. Arno." "Well, gee, thanks a lot." "Where did you find him?" "He was wandering around a few blocks down so we picked him up." "His address was on his collar." "We were just taking him there when we saw you." "You looked like you were looking for a dog, so we stopped." "That sure was nice of you." "You know, I don't care what anybody says about you, Mr. Arno." "Anyone who's that thoughtful about dogs sure is a friend of mine." "Oh, think nothing about it, kid." "Thanks again." "That's OK." "Good night." "Good night." "Get outta here, you mutt!" "Come on, you mutt!" "Get outta here!" "Schuyler was so worried about Brutus being lost." "Really?" "You would have known he'd be home before Schuyler would." "Oh, Officer Hurley, this is Dean Higgins." "I wanna report a kidnapping." "A kidnapping." "It's Richard Schuyler, that boy genius from Medfield College." "How do you know he's kidnapped?" "How do I know he's kidnapped?" "Because he's been out looking for his dog for three hours, that's how I know." "Well, Dean Higgins, a boy looking for his dog for three hours is not unusual." "It is when you consider that the dog has been back for mo hours and 45 minutes." "I'm sorry, Dean Higgins, but the department can't get all ruffled over this." "I do have a suggestion to make, though." "What's that?" "Well, if the dog was lost and was able to find his way home in 15 minutes, why don't you send the dog out to find the boy and don't bother the department about it?" "How's that?" "I don't like it and I don't like your attitude." "Let me speak to the chief." "I'm sorry, the chief is not available." "He is out addressing a Chinese dinner." "A Chinese dinner?" "You mean with all of these vicious kidnappings going on, the chief of police of this city is at a Chinese restaurant, stuffing his face with rice and noodles?" "Yes." "Thank you, thank you." "I'm sure I don't need to tell you gentlemen that I didn't come down here to Chinatown just to stuff my face full of rice and noodles." "Rice and nood..." "fclears throat) ln any event, they were very tasty." "My compliments to the chef." "No, I have more important things to do than that." "I'm down here, gentlemen, to talk to you on behalf of our police department." "Honest, you gotta believe me." "I don't know where the formula is and I don't know what's in the formula." "Boss, I hate to do this, but I gotta get rough with this kid." "Five minutes, I can find out, boss." "It always works." "Honorable sir, I admire your enthusiasm." "But this boy can never tell you what is in the formula because he thinks he doesn't know." "How do you know?" "I know." "You see, stupid?" "He knows." "Now will you shut up?" "In order to find truth, I must put boy in deep sleep." "Then he will tell us all he knows." "Boss, this guy's gotta be kidding." "Come on." "Be patient." "You will see, my son." "My son?" "Where does he get off calling me his son?" "Maybe he likes you." "I don't like him." "He gives me one of those complexions, like maybe I'm not as smart as he is or something." "He does, huh?" "I wonder why." "Now what's he gonna do?" "With your permission, what you Americans call "brainwash."" "Brainwash?" "I don't go for this hocus-pocus stuff." "Neither do I." "Why don't we just go back to the old-fashioned method and belt the kid around and get the information?" "Will you be quiet?" "I'm paying Fong to do this." "Now, we'll put boy in hypnotic trance, cause deep sleep, make patient feel very happy." "Very happy's OK, but what's with that needle?" "Must use acupuncture, fashionable today among modern Chinese." "Mallet, please." "This won't hurt much, son." "See?" "Patient happy." "You are very tired, my son." "Your eyes are heavy." "You will sleep." "You will be happy." "And you will go into a deep, deep sleep." "When I snap my fingers, you will open your eyes and answer my questions, though you will still be asleep." "Hey, will you look at that." "Remember, we are your friends." "You shall tell us everything you know." "Everything, right from the beginning." "Right from the beginning." "Oh, yes." "Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow..." "What?" "Not quite that far back." "Tell us about the formula." "Do you remember what you put into your strength formula?" "Oh, yes, I do remember what I put in my strength formula." "Proceed, please." "Unit consistency:" "600 decigrams thymine." "700 centigrams calcium pantothenate." "900 milligrams niacin." "Not so fast. -450 centigrams pyridoxine." "500 milligrams pyridoxamine." "What did he say?" "What did he say?" "That must be all." "There's got to be more than that." "We shall see." "Another needle, please." "For the life of me, I cannot understand what has happened to that boy." "Frankly, Dean Higgins, I find it all very mystifying." "That could be him now." "I hope so." "Dean Higgins here." "Harriet Crumply here." "Oh, Aunt Harriet." "How are you?" "Absolutely miserable." "What seems to be bothering you, Aunt Harriet?" "I don't know." "Maybe it's just woman's intuition, but I have the strangest feeling." "t can't µin it down." "Dean Higgins, is everything going along all right?" "Everything is wonderful here." "It's fine." "I mean, wouldn't I have called you if it weren't?" "Oh, good. I'm glad to have your reassurances." "You know, everything I have is tied up in this." "If we were to lose, I don't know what I'd do." "No." "Frankly, my future wouldn't look too bright either." "Well. good. t'm glad there's nothing to worry about. then." "Good night, Dean Higgins." "Good night, Aunt Harriet." "Is there anything else, my son?" "And one piece of pizza." "Must admit, very unusual ingredient for medical formula." "However, ways of Western people I not quite understand." "It sounds crazy to me too." "Well, what else can you expect from this dopey kid?" "He's come up with a formula that's just screwy enough to work." "Come on, let's get this over to Harry." "That Krinkle cereal guy's waiting for it." "Wait a second, boss." "We gotta take care of the kid here." "He can identify us." "Young man will be unable to identify anyone." "He will remember only what I tell him to remember, will do only what I tell him to do." "Good." "I trust you, Fong." "See that he gets home as soon as possible." "And make sure he doesn't remember anything." "Just give Cookie and me a minute to get outta here." "Come on." "My son, you will awake when I clap my hands." "When you do, you will remember nothing." "You will not remember where you have been, nor what has happened to you." "All you will know is that your little dog is home and he is looking for you." "He needs you." "You must hurry to him." "He is lonesome." "You must get home as fast as you can." "Take the first means of transportation you see." "Thank you." "Thank you, gentlemen." "I'll be very happy to come down again anytime at all, but right now I'm afraid it's getting a little late." "I've gotta be along back to my office." "There are many pressing duties waiting for me there, so just at the moment I'll say good night, all, or better than that... saronola." "Is that Chinese?" "How about lust one more picture, chief, with the official committee and your men, of course?" "Why not?" "Why not?" "All right, men." "Over here." "Chop-chop." "Picture time." "Eccles, Winwood." "All right, Belter." "Oh, Hoppins, Hoppins." "I think I left my gloves inside on the table ofthe restaurant." "Would you be kind enough to get them for me?" "There we are." "And now, any friend of the friendly sons of St. Patr... uh, Confucius..." "Isn't that right?" "Here we go, gentlemen." "There we are, now." "Excuse me, I have to go home to my dog." "He's waiting for me." "Sonny, will you get outta here?" "Can't you...?" "His dog." "His dog is waiting for him." "You know, man's best friend." "Very loyal." "Fine, son." "You go right ahead." "Go right along." "One upstanding boy." "All right, here we go now." "All set?" "OK." "Everybody say "chow mein."" "Chow mein." "You must get home as fast as you can." "Take the first means of transµo_ation you see." "And that crazy kid took my car." "After him!" "Everybody mount up." "Get that crazy kid!" "Get on the radio." "Emergency." "Call headquarters." "I want an APB sent out on that kid." "All right, Woodward." "Burn rubber to headquarters." "Hold it lust a second." "A fine example of young America." "Oh-ho-ho!" "Oh-ho-ho-ho!" "Chief, your gloves." "Forget the gloves, you idiot!" "Shoot me down!" "It's been almost five hours." "I know Schuyler real well." "He's just not the type of guy that'd go wandering off for that length of time without at least phoning somebody." "Officer, you're not listening to me." "Maybe you'll listen to me." "What?" "Well, of course this is Dean Higgins." "Wants to know..." "Who else would it be?" "But Dean Higgins, a boy out looking for..." "You should have sent someone out here by now." "I know he's on his way, but so is Christmas." "Wait a minute." "I think I hear someone now." "Could he have picked up a friend on the way?" "Sounds like he picked up a couple..." "Listen, I'd better get some satisfaction." "I'm sure I've waited long enough." "Ridiculous." "I hate to tear down the police department, boys, but here we have a young fella kidnapped." "They could at least send one person out here, but it's the same old story." "There is never a cop around when you need one." "Brutus." "Brutus." "Brutus?" "Hi, Brutus." "I'm sorry about the bail money." "Sorry." ""Sorry" doesn't feed the bulldog." "And you're paying me that money back. $100." "Can you imagine, Quigley, paying $100 for some shenanigans like...?" "What I don't understand, Schuyler, is what you were doing in a Chinese restaurant." "I don't understand either." "I don't remember anything." "Didn't happen to talk to anyone, did you?" "I don't think so." "He doesn't think so." "Well, think hard." "You didn't happen to talk to anyone about anything important, did you?" "Important?" "He means about the formula." "Oh, of course not." "Don't worry about the formula." "I got that all locked away up here." "Up with Krinkle, down with Crumply!" "Up with Krinkle, down with Crumply!" "Up with Crinkle, down with Crumply!" "Up with Crinkle, down with Crumply!" "All right, all right." "Cereal history is about to be made." "Gentlemen, it works." "I can feel the blood rushing through my veins." "It makes me feel so young, so strong, so... so..." "Uh, vibrant?" "You've got it, Becker, that's it." "Vibrant!" "Feel that." "Feel it, feel it." "What?" "What?" "Feel it." "Don't hold back." "Feel it!" "Feel it, feel it." "You'll wrinkle the suit." "And now what to do?" "Sir, with your strength, if I were you, I'd do just whatever I wanted..." "Ah!" "Good thinking, Mertons." "And I know exactly what I wanna do." "What I've wanted to do for years." "Great-grandfather Krinkle, I'm so sick of you sitting there looking down at me, watching everything I do!" "Not that!" "Not our founder." "Oh, yeah." "I guess you're right." "Excuse me, Great-grandfather." "I lost my head." "So you think we're number one, do you, huh, do you?" "Yes!" "Do we deserve to be number one?" "Yes!" "Gotta prove it." "Think we can prove it?" "You can do it." "I know, men." "I know." "The weights." "No, they're too easy." "The lights!" "That would be silly." "Ah!" "I have it." "You know that Dean Wiggins split that cheap tabletop of Harriet Crumbly's with a karate chop." "Yes!" "Can I do less with this?" "Perfect!" "Gentlemen, stand back and watch out for splinters." "48.5, 49... 49.5... -49.5... 50 Gs. -50 Gs." "Cookie, we're on top again!" "Good news." "That must be him now." "Hello." "It's him." "Hello, Mr. Krinkle." "How are you?" "What do you mean, it didn't work?" "It didn't work." "And I can prove it." "I can't believe that." "Well. believe this." "If Medfield wins that weightlifting contest, we're all gonna be through." "Can you imagine those skinny punks defeating a great team like State?" "That's ridiculous." "Yes, it is ridiculous." "Wait a minute." "It really is ridiculous." "Look, Mr. Krinkle, if the formula doesn't work, it's all the better." "If it doesn't work for us, it doesn't work for them." "It just means that Harriet Crumply will be destroyed." "She'll have a bunch of weaklings eating her cereal on TV with the formula in it." "Now, what if the sure winner the greatest weightlifting team in Am' erica, was seen eating Krinkle Krunch cereal just before the match?" "What would that do for us on national TV, huh?" "He likes it." "Yes, I can handle it." "And Mr. Krinkle, try and be there." "You'll love every minute of it." ""Love every minute of it"!" "No, no, no. I'll take care ofthis until after the match." "But why?" "I just heard you tell him he had it made." "I mean, what could happen?" "Probably nothing, but you'd better have some boys lined up just in case." "Medfield had the right formula once before." "Let's make sure they don't get it again." "I'm telling you, it's gonna be a cinch." "You saw me when I lifted that heavy guy in" "Dean Higgins' office." "He was like a feather." "And remember the look on Dean Higgins' face?" "And the basketball backboard?" "I really can't take any credit for it." "Schuyler, it's your cereal." "It's terrific." "I mean, the second you guys eat the stuff, you're gonna feel like giants." "We'll murder those guys." "All right, let's go!" "Good afternoon, gentlemen." "I'm warning you, Higgins." "You've been dragging us out to these foolish events for the last 30 years, and you never had a winner." "This is your last chance." "I'm sick of it." "Sick..." "We're all sick of it, Higgins." "We're all sick of it, Higgins." "Well, gentlemen, Regent Appleby, I think I can assure you, you won't be sick this afternoon." "I'm telling you for the last time, Higgins, you'd better have a winner." "You can say that again, Appleby." "I'm telling you for the last time, Higgins, you'd better have a winner." "Ladies and gentlemen of TV land, it looks like we're about to begin this much-publicized match of the century." "And now. sµonsored by Aunt Harriet Crumµly and her new vitamin-enriched cereal." "Suµer formula X." "we µresent the Medfield Wildcatst" "And sµonsored by Horatio Krinkle and nu_ured by the world-famous Krinkle Krunch." "we µroudly µresent the national chamµion State teamt" "You know, on the surface this does look like a terrible mismatch, doesn't it, Harry?" "Yes." "But we know better don't we, Quigley?" "Good luck." "I'm not sure if we're having a weightlifting match or a cereal-eating contest." "Hey, you coming, Dexter?" "Uh, yeah, I'll be right with you." "Something wrong?" "Huh?" "Uh, no, nothing at all." "Good." "I feel great!" "There will be a mo-minute warmuµ before the comµetition begins." "Breathe out!" "Come on, Tyler." "Let's go." "What's the matter, Dexter?" "Plenty." "Professor, we got trouble." "The formula doesn't work." "Doesn't work?" "Dexter, how can you say it doesn't work?" "Look at them." "Yeah, look at 'em." "They're just carried away." "They're just psyched up, I'm telling you, but they're not any stronger." "Schuyler, you didn't change anything, did you?" "No, I'm sure I didn't." "It's just not the same." "It isn't?" "Well, gee, I can't understand what could have gone wrong." "It's missing something." "No smoke, no nothing." "But, Dexter, what do you think is wrong?" "I lust don't know." "It's..." "Wait a minute." "The acid taste." "It had an acid taste before." "But a vitamin formula like mine wouldn't have an acid taste." "That's impossible." "You're right." "A vitamin formula wouldn't, but mine would." "It had a definite acid taste." "That day half of my formula was missing." "What day was that?" "The day all that stuff got knocked over in the lab." "The day the cow gave all the milk." "That was the day before I ate the cereal and got strong." "Schuyler, somehow my formula got mixed up in the cereal." "It was my formula that gave it the strength, not the vitamins." "You mean my formula didn't have anything to do with it?" "I don't know, Schuyler." "All I do know is that we don't have the right formula now, and if we wanna win, I'd better get the right one in a hurry." "Good, I'm glad you're doing something about it, but by all means get going." "Will all contestants clear the floor. µlease?" "Schuyler, give me the keys to your car." "I ran out of gas just as we got here, remember?" "How about yours, Professor?" "I came over with Dean Higgins." "The first contestant for State, attempting 250 pounds, Ambrose Joykowski." "Arno, this is Harry." "You got the guys?" "OK, here's what you do." "Dexter Riley." "He's one of our contestants." "Say hello to the nice gentlemen." "Hi." "Dean, could I have the keys to your car?" "One of our better students too." "The keys to the car?" "Certainly." "Thanks, Dean." "Oh, that Dexter Riley." "Been around here a long time, you know." "He's a senior now, but I remember when he first came to apply." "He came to me personally." "He said" ""Dean, can I have the keys to your car?"" "Well, naturally, I said no because the..." "The keys to my car!" "He's got the keys to my car!" "If that lunatic so much as scratches one bit of paint on that car, I'll..." "Uh..." "Nice boy, that Dexter." "Nice boy." "See him?" "Nice." "Won't be the same when he graduates." "for Medfield. attemµting _75 µounds." "will be Peter "Porky" Peterson." "275 pounds." "He'll rip that off easy." "Yeah, we'll be ahead already." "What is that thing?" "He's not lifting weights for us, is he?" "As you in TV land will notice, the Medfield contestant is a little bit out of shape, but don't let that fool you." "Remember, the cardinal rule of any sport is not the muscle you have but how you use it." "Higgins, what's he doing now?" "This is embarrassing." "Attaboy." "Take it easy." "It's OK, Porky." "Everything's gonna be all right." "Put that down!" "Gone." "Everything's gone!" "I'm sorry, Aunt Harriet. I just don't know what hap... for State. attemµting _75 µounds witt be Sam Nicotetti." "Professor Quigley." "You know, since the cereal thing didn't work, we were just wondering if maybe you might be interested in an honorable surrender." "Sit down, Hector." "Now, look, you guys." "Let's get one thing straight." "This meet is not over yet." "It isn't?" " l've never seen anything more over." "So then Ublenski. of State. pressed 350 µounds." "Then it was Medfield's turn again." "Hey, kid." "We appreciate you keeping the speed down, but don't you think this is being a little bit ridiculous?" "Sorry, but I can't go any faster." "The next contestant for Medfield is Slither Roth, who will lift - that is, try to lift -100 pounds." "It looks like they've changed their strategy." "They're going down in weight instead of up." "Well, ladies and gentlemen, once again we have a Medfield contestant who doesn't look overly strong, but he does look like he has a lot of confidence." "I admire that, don't you?" "fmen) Oh, no!" "He did it!" "His muscles seem to have fro2en." "He can't let go of the barbell." "It's over!" "There's the acid taste..." "AJ Arno?" "What are you...?" "OK, Dexter." "We'll take that formula." "Uh, why?" "I mean, it doesn't even work." "See?" "Oh, that's all right." "We'll take it anyway." "Go get it, boys." "It's you!" "You leave me alone, young man." "You were behind this all the time, weren't you?" "I'm warning you, young man." "Now you let me go." "Hey, fellas!" "Here's your captain!" "Strike!" "And now for Medfield's last contestant and last hope, Dexter Riley." "In order for Medfield to win, Dexter will have to lift over 11 OO pounds." "What do you mean, he's out for equipment repair?" "He's gonna need more than equipment repair to lift that thing." "The referee is allowing Qexter Riley exactly four minutes..." "Four minutes?" "How can I get there in four minutes?" "I don't know what's happened with you, kid, but you sure change your driving habits fast." "Let me have your operator's license." "I'm afraid I left it in my clothes back at the gym." "That lust makes it worse, kid." "Hope you've got license plates on this thing." "Now t see we're down to our finat mo minutes." "Now. if Qexter Riley doesn't aµµear to peform by that time." "it will be all over." "Two minutes?" "I'm sorry." "I gotta go." "Where is that kid?" "Don't yell at me!" "I told you, he's out for... equipment repair." "Why don't you call this whole farce off?" "That kid's not out for equipment repairs and you know it." "Let's face it, he's run out on you." "How dare you." "If Dean Wiggins says the boy is out for equipment repairs, the boy is out for equipment repairs." "Right, Wiggins?" "Higgins, not Wiggins!" "Higgins!" "Higgins." "My car." "Don't worry about it, Dean." "It's just a question of replacing a few parts." "The only thing left is Annabel." "Qexter Riley attempting 1.111 µounds." "Oh, no." "It's going." "I gotta get some more cereal, ref." "Hurry up." "We haven't got that much time." "All set now, ref." "What was that?" "That's Dexter Riley." "He's a member of our weightlifting team." "It's working." "Come on." "Come on." "He did it!" "He did it!" "Medfield's won the meet!" "Dexter Riley's the strongest man in the world!" "We're number one!" "We are number one!" "We are number one!" "We are number one!" "We are number one!" "We are number one!"