"I 'entre des passagers est a gauche, madame." "Thanks." "Oui, madame." "[Whistle Blowing, Men Speaking French]" "I've lost my dog!" "He's gone!" "My dog!" "We will find him, madame." "Madame est perdu son chien." "Oh, son chien! Que est-ce?" "Sais pas." "Que est elle?" "Elle est La Princesse Olga!" "Ah, oui." "La Princesse Olga de Suede." "Your Highness." "Wait till I get my breath." "Wait." "Wait." "Wait." "Attendez." "All right." "All right." "All right." "Ca va." "Your Highness." "Permit me, Your Highness." "I'm Captain Nicholls." "It is with pleasure-- We, too, are pleased." "What?" "Oh, I beg your pardon." "My ship is honored." "It is with the deepest of pleasure" " Oh, now, now, no pictures, no pictures." "No pictures?" "Oh, I beg your pardon." "I was only trying to help." "Thank you, but I like my pictures in the papers." "People see, they say, "Princess Olga of Sveden."" "So, if they like me, they like "Sveden."" "That is the least that I could do for "Sveden"-- I mean, Sweden." "So... we are ready." "Thank you, Your Highness." "May you have a pleasant voyage, Your Highness." "It is sure to be one on your beautiful ship with so famous a commander." "Thank you, Your Highness." "Princess Olga of Sweden?" "Right." "What about this?" "Sir, I am the Lady Gertrude Allwyn, lady-in-waiting and companion to Her Highness." "Right this way, Your Highness." "Oh, nay, we are so sorry, but no wireless." "This isn't radio, Your Highness." "This is for the Associated Newsreel." "Oh." "You wish we should speak in Swedish, French or Russian?" "English, if you please." "You know, the regular thing." ""Hello, everyone." "I'm sailing today."" "By the way, Princess, where are you going?" "We go to Hollywood." "To see the stars?" "No, to be the stars." "We go to make a picture." "You're going to act in the picture?" "We have a contract." "The contract says we act." "We say nothing." "And what is the name of this picture?" "The name." "The name, please." "It's here, in the contract." "Just a moment." "The story is from a novel entitled:" "Lavender and Old Lace, but the name of the cinema has been changed to:" "She Done Him Plenty." "It will be changed again or we come home." "Have you a favorite movie star, Princess?" "Oh, ja,ja." "Would it be a male star?" "Oh, sure." "If the question isn't too personal, his name?" "We tell you." "Mickey "Moosie."" "Please, Mr. Mantell, don't unpack." "This suite belongs to the princess." "We've been all over that." "Easy on those silk shirts!" "Who calls for the laundry on this canoe?" "I'm only doing my duty." "Well, do it someplace else." "But please, Mr. Mantell." "I'll transfer you to a cabin every bit as good as this one." "I reserved the Royal Suite." "I paid for it;" "I like it." "I don't see why I should get out." "There's been a mistake." "There's royalty aboard." "This suite has been reserved for royalty." "Yeah?" "Well, in a quiet sort of a way, we're royalty ourselves." "That's King Mantell you're talkin' to." "His band's known all over Europe." "And when it comes to playin' a concertina, he's tops." "Don't forget that, sailor." "Mr. Mantell, I beg of you." "I implore you!" "I'm a bighearted guy." "I'll tell you what I'll do." "I'll share the Royal Suite." "We'll draw a line" "No, that's impossible." "Then I'll match her for who gets it." "You're making it very difficult." "You figure it out." "I'm staying." "Let's move and quit arguing'." "What's the difference where we sleep?" "Tuck in your shirt." "We're staying." "Your Highness." "We are rather crowded, nay?" "Your Highness, I tried, but he refuses to leave." "Refuses to leave?" "Why?" "There's been a slight mistake, Your Highness." "Now get this straight." "This suite belongs to the princess." "Now get out before I throw you out." "Uh, boys, the bags, out." "Hey, what is this?" "Come on." "I said get out, get out." "Don't you know royalty when you see it?" "This is very annoying." "I'm terribly sorry." "I reserved this suite before I knew Your Highness was to be aboard, and, unfortunately, my companion objected to leaving." "I trust Your Highness isn't upset by the way things got, uh, screwed up." "Screwed up?" "We are quite satisfied." "Now if you will favor us with your departure." "Oh, sure." "Well, I hope Your Highness has a nice trip." "And if at any time I can be of service, just give me a buzz at" "What's my new cabin number?" "B-81, sir." "Just give me a buzz at-- Good day." "Huh?" "Her Highness said good day." "Oh." "Well, good day." "We regret this inconvenience, Your Highness." "It won't happen again, Your Highness." "This is all right." "Come in." "What, again?" "I, uh, forgot my razor." "Pardon me." "Of course, if either of you have any use for a razor, I'd be glad to" "Oh." "A razor?" "What a vulgar person! Heavens!" "That fellow is taking a bath!" "What are you doing?" "Your Highness, there's something wrong with your tub." "What?" "You see, the water runs in and it runs out, but it runs out faster than it runs in." "I discovered it this morning." "You can't take a bath in that much water." "Well, if you're a "ploomber," why don't you fix it?" "I'm not a "ploomber," but I think I could fix it." "Have you got a screwdriver?" "A screwdriver?" "Her Highness is not in the habit... of going about with a screwdriver on her person." "Please go away." "Well, I was only trying to help." "May I suggest that when you want to take a bath, that you take a shower?" "Or, of course, there's always the ocean." "I'd like to smack that guy right in the kisser." "Fine talk." "Do you realize he almost grabbed the Royal Suite from under our feet?" "Just the same, princesses do not go around smacking young men in the kisser." "Visitors ashore, please." "Well, how'd you make out?" "She was a little cold." "Remember, she's a princess." "Why should I remember?" "And even if I wanted to, how could I?" "I didn't want to stay in that sissy cabin." "Did you see that hair?" "That's what you call a royal blonde." "Open the trunk." "What's the idea?" "You oughta know my technique by now:" "flowers, music, wine." "Then I have to find out if there's a husband." "There's the one you used on the Italian countess." "No, that's no good." "Remember, she swam back." "Every dame I went out with brought along water wings." "How about this?" "Yeah." "I'm going to fix it with the purser so I can sit at Her Highness's table." "Hey, she's royalty, and everybody knows who you are." "You couldn't make the grade if they gave you Radio City." "Yeah?" "They just gave me Radio City." "Twelve weeks at my own terms." "You will see that the Princess Olga has every possible convenience." "Yes, sir." "Naturally, you advised Her Highness... that she would sit at my table?" "Yes, sir." "Any other suggestions?" "There are five important police officials aboard, sir." "Police?" "They're sailing for an international convention in New York." "Would you like them at your table, sir?" "I don't even want them on my ship." "They're troublemakers." "I'd rather be followed by a seagull flying upside down." "I've seen it happen again and again." "Trouble's their business." "They love it so much it follows them around." "If I'd known they were going to be aboard" "A message, sir." "lmportant." "I knew it." "I knew it." "I knew it! Come in." "More flowers!" "Oh, they must have set us back plenty." "Oh, they're not expensive." "They are what is known to the trade as funeral flowers." "I don't care, Gertie." "I like flowers even when we send them to ourselves." "Well, we sent them to ourselves... from every prince in Europe." "Oh, Gertie, you think of" ""King Mantell." King?" "Aren't you smearing it a bit?" "King Mantell?" "I never even heard of the blighter." "I gave a hundred francs for that myself, and I put in Prince Curt Linden of Swartsheld's card." "I distinctly remember doing it." "I think I smell a "moosie." Huh?" "§ What is that?" "Why, it's-- it's one of those things" "You know, come-to-you, go-from-you things." "A concertina." "And very vulgar." "A definite symbol of the lower classes." "Put the thing on the floor and it crawls." "But I like it." "Who is making that appalling noise?" "Mr. King Mantell, Your Ladyship." "Will you kindly tell this Mantell person to stop at once?" "The princess cannot endure the concertina." "Very good, Your Ladyship." "Mantell, eh?" "Now I know he's no good." "My dear, I am an old woman." "I have traveled at home and abroad." "And never, never have I known any good to come out of a concertina." "A message from Princess Olga." "What'd she say?" "The princess says your music stinks." "§" "My name's Cragg." "I understand the captain wishes to see me." "Oh, yes, Inspector." "Mr. Lorel, this is Mr. Cragg of Scotland Yard." "Mr. Lorel is of the Paris Surete." "Lorel, of course." "We had some correspondence last year." "Forgery, wasn't it?" "Yes, monsieur." "You were very helpful." "Won't you be seated?" "The captain's expecting other gentlemen, and he'll be here himself almost any moment." "What's up, Purser?" "Is it something urgent?" "The captain will have to give you the details." "It seems something has happened aboard which requires attention." "Hello, Steindorf!" "Oh, my good friend, Cragg." "Now begins already a pleasant voyage." "Monsieur Lorel." "How do you know?" "Oh, elemental." "Your clothes are Paris, your nose is of the Sureté, I'm a detective, and just between us, you were pointed out to me." "Monsieur, Conan Doyle would have loved you." "Ah, my friend, Inspector Cragg." "And now comes the Russian police." "You know everybody, Morevitch." "Hello." "I'll sit here, please." "Already my feet ache." "Why has the captain sent for us?" "Something important, the purser said." "lmportant to him or to us?" "Oh, gentlemen, I'm sorry to mar the pleasure of your voyage." "Won't you sit down?" "But an emergency has arisen concerning the safety of my passengers." "This message from Police Headquarters in Paris will explain the situation." ""Paul Merko, murderer condemned to the guillotine, escaped from prison two days ago"-- May I?" ""We have information that Merko is aboard your ship." "Signed, Veiller."" "What stupidity!" "Unbelievable!" "Who's stupid?" "Where's the description?" "All they give us is the name, the first thing he will change." "Probably Lorel can give us information." "No, I'm sorry, messieurs." "I was not connected with the case." "Gentlemen, Mr. Kawati of ImperialJapanese Secret Service." "He arrives, as usual, when everything is nearly over." "How do you do?" "Mr. Kawati, apparently there's a conspiracy afoot... to put us to work." "I have already heard." "I seem to recall reading something about Merko." "Wasn't he the chap who evaded arrest for so many months disguised as a woman?" "The same." "Another time, an Armenian rug peddler." "He's known to be an actor." "He speaks seven languages." "Clever rascal." "Inconsiderate rascal, if you ask me." "We are on a vacation." "What brought you out of the woodwork?" "The usual thing." "Going to New York on business." "I heard you and your band in Paris." "You're a great success these days, aren't you, my dear fellow?" "Darcy, any time you pat a guy on the back, you've got a knife in your hand." "What do you want?" "You know my weakness." "Anything that concerns a public character interests me." "Don't tell me you're still wearing a silk hat and a black mustache." "You wouldn't be trying your old shakedown racket on me, would you?" "My dear fellow, of course not." "Whatever you're selling, we don't want any." "The fact is-- and not to bore you with a long story-- I'm rather short of funds." "I've gone over the passenger list looking for, uh, friends." "And would you believe it,Joe, there are just three people in the entire ship's list... that would be glad to let me have a little assistance." "Just two, Darcy." "Scratch me off the list." "Now... you're a public figure." "You want to enjoy this trip." "You want a great reception in New York." "Be too bad, wouldn't it, if certain people were told... that you had a prison record in the United States?" "That's going back a bit, isn't it?" "I have a good memory." "You must have." "I was hardly out of knee pants." "I made a kid's mistake, and I paid for it." "It's no good, Darcy." "Did a year, didn't you?" "Long enough to knock some sense into me." "I met some charming people there." "That's where I learned to play the concertina." "Now let's see." "How much shall we say?" "Well, that depends on how much you can take." "Wait a minute." "Don't hit him." "Take care of those hands." "Why, you!" "You've had your last chance, Mantell." "Oh, uh, pardon me." "Inspector Lorel?" "Yes, monsieur." "I have some rather interesting information for you." "Well, later, monsieur." "Now I have an appointment with the captain." "Anytime, at your convenience." "Shall we say in 20 minutes?" "I'll come to your stateroom." "Monsieur." "Do I toss him to the sharks?" "Don't you like sharks?" "But that was a cop." "Cop?" "Sure." "This barge is alive with 'em." "What is this, a prison ship?" "It ain't healthy." "Detectives don't worry me, and I'll take care of Darcy." "Are you gonna slap the mug and ask for the next dance?" "There's only one way to handle these shakedown guys." "Show 'em they can't get anyplace by shoving you around." "I get it." "Give 'em a lesson and make it permanent, huh?" "If you want to do something, fix it so I can get next to the princess." "Leave it to me." "I can handle those dames." "I knew a princess once." "Ahh!" "Well, she was different." "Her name was Fatima." "She did..." "one of those things." "Leave it to me, will ya? May I, Your Highness?" "Please do." "I had once the pleasure of meeting your distinguished grandfather." "Oh, so." "But" " But I have two grandfathers, you know." "Ja, but the one I mean has the beard." "Oh, that one!" "And such a long beard." "When we were children, we used to swing from it." "When Your Highness's uncle, Prince Rudolph of Stralheim, paid his last visit to London, I was detailed to guard him." "Oh, ja." "Poor, dear Uncle Rudie." "Somebody was always shooting at him." "In my country, they shoot at everybody's uncle." "Let me tell you about your grandfather-- though I only meet him once, and that's 1 2 years ago." "Height about 5 feet 2;" "eyes, blue;" "weight, about 1 90;" "and that beard." "Correct, Highness?" "I could not better describe him myself." "You are very observant." "Oh, ja." "Nothing ever escapes my attention." "Will you please give me my things?" "With pleasure." "Oh, my bag!" "It is gone!" "Gone?" "Feeling badly, gentlemen?" "Her Highness's bag." "Most extraordinary thing!" "It was here a moment ago." "Someone took it." "There you are." "What's this?" "Her RoyalJob Lot's leather." "Where did you get it?" "She lost it." "Are you sure?" "Certainly." "I saw her lookin' for it." "Where was she when you snatched it?" "On the poop deck." "I oughta break your neck." "I'm only tryin' to do you a favor." "That Swede's been bouncing' you around since we got on." "Didn't you ask me to fix it?" "Yeah." "Okay, it's all fixed." "What do you mean?" "You take the poke back." "She's gotta thank you." "Yeah." "If I can convince her I didn't steal it myself." "Well, that's up to you." "I've done my part." "§" "Pardon me, Princess." "Is this what you're looking for?" "Oh, my bag!" "So you have found it." "How can I ever thank you?" "Well, that's easy." "How?" "Well, I'm afraid if I ask you, you'll set me down again." "Oh, nay." "We give you permission to speak out." "Please go ahead." "Then, uh, what are the chances of a princess like you... having cocktails tonight with a guy like me?" "She might." "Does that mean she will?" "Well, I said "she might." We do not even know your name." "It's Mantell." "King Mantell." "Mantell." "So it was you who sent us those beautiful flowers." "Well, I'll be honest." "I didn't send them;" "I pinched them." "Pinched?" "Yes, I took them." "So, we see." "We knew you pinched them." "Now I suppose our date's off." "I do not say so." "I think it would be very pleasant." "Good." "There's just one more thing that'd make the day perfect." "What is that?" "If only you'd like my concertina." "Now I will be honest with you." "I do like it." "You do?" "I thought you said" "Shh!" "It is a secret just between us." "It must never come out." "I had a hunch that underneath that royal front you were okay." "You know, concertina playing takes a lot of hard work." "I've given my life to it." "Oh, so?" "Yeah, you have to make your fingers talk." "You play it this way." "Ohhh!" "Oh, my bag!" "Oh, my handkerchief." "They get all wet." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I'll get it." "I'm taking an awful chance with these man-eating sharks, but for you, Princess" "You are so brave." "You are not hurt?" "No." "Oh, my "poof"!" ""Poof"?" "My powder poof." "All right." "Can I help you?" "Oh, my handkerchief, it is "vet."" "Yeah, your money, it is "vet" too." "Uh, Swedish." "I'll wring it out for you." "Oops, I almost doubled it." "I better get you some more." "Oh, it is all right." "It is still good." "Scram." "What did you say?" "Oh, "scram."" "In Swedish it means "the interview is ended."" "Lady Allwyn, it is my pleasure to present Mr. King Mantell to you." "How do you do?" "How do you do?" "We are going to have cocktails with him this evening." "That so?" "Yes, I'll try to bring along a boyfriend for you." "I'll, uh, try." "Well, so much for the files of Marseille and Bordeaux." "Not very helpful, I'm afraid." "Now we'll see what Paris has to say." ""Paul Merko, French." "Medium height." ""Weight, about 75 kilos." "Brown hair." "Dark eyes." "No scars or other marks of identification."" "And that is all, messieurs, except his measurements, which you can read for yourselves." "Comrades, it is still useless." "Why?" "Because first you must catch the man to measure him." "After you have caught the man, what good are the measurements?" "Come, come." "It's too soon to retreat from Moscow." "This Merko is not on board." "I have an intuition." "Well, not being a detective and having no intuitions," "I've started a search of the ship." "With over 1,200 people on board, I realize it may be hopeless." "Oh, nothing is hopeless for a good detective." "If Paul Merko is on board, I'll find him." "Yes." "Many times I start with less than that and I am successful." "Did any one of you order these drinks?" "Not I. No." "Did you?" "No." "Well, I don't remember ordering them." "In fact, I know I didn't." "Why should I get a tray of drinks that I didn't order?" "Yes, sir." "Did you bring this tray in?" "No, sir." "You didn't?" "But why not?" "I'm sorry, sir." "Why didn't you bring this tray in?" "You didn't order it." "I know I didn't, but someone brought it." "Whom did you ring for?" "I didn't ring for anyone." "If you hadn't rung, I wouldn't be here." "I'm talking about this tray of drinks." "Do you wish another tray?" "No, I don't want any tray of drinks." "Very well, sir." "Thank you, comrade." "Captain Nicholls, sir." "Yes?" "Checking the passenger list, we found one passenger missing." "Missing?" "B-50." "Registered to Mr. Petroff." "His luggage came aboard, but we cannot locate Mr. Petroff." "He would miss the boat." "I know thousands of Petroffs, and they miss everything." "If he's aboard, find him and report to me." "Yes, sir." "What do you expect me to do, sit around and twiddle my thumbs?" "There are plenty of proper gentlemen on board... without you drinking with a concertina squeezer." "You enjoyed the cocktails, didn't you?" "The first five or six." "After that, I was bored." "Oh, darling, don't be silly." "He's not hard to look at." "As a matter of fact, he's nice." "Did you notice those shoulders?" "Ahh!" "When you get to my age" "He found my bag, didn't he?" "Bags don't have legs." "He stole your bag." "Of course he stole it." "I'm trying to tell you." "He has a sense of humor." "Nevertheless, we cannot afford to take chances." "We're skating on pretty thin ice as it is." "You'll let something slip." "The man's using you!" "Darling, you are crazy." "You are pulling things out of the air." "Come now, we go to dinner, toots." "Good evening, ladies." "My name is Darcy." "What do you want?" "I'm sorry, but you see, I happen to be a close friend of Mr. George Marson, the theatrical agent in London." "Then, sir, you are intruding." "This is the suite of Her Highness, Princess Olga of Sweden." "And Wanda Nash of Brooklyn." "What do you want?" "It's a little late in the day to talk business, but still" "May I come in?" "King." "I just saw Darcy go into the Royal Suite." "Yeah?" "Are you sure it was Darcy?" "Sure." "Rats like that don't come in pairs." "There's nothing crooked about it." "In a little while, I'll tell him myself." "I had to do something." "We were stranded, miles from home, broke." "You know a girl can't walk into a studio and get a job." "I've tried everything." "They call it obtaining money under false pretenses." "Well, no one will be hurt by what we're doing." "No one but Transatlantic Films." "They'll get their money's worth." "The child has talent." "She'll be a star, and the world will laugh at this." "You don't have to sell me, girls." "I'm on your side." "I'm cheering for you." "Now, how much shall we say?" "Oh, what's the use, Gertie?" "We might as well pay him off." "This all?" "All we've got." "How about the crown jewels?" "I've been admiring that ring." "Now get out." "You know, you girls got me wrong." "I'm not a bad guy at heart." "For your tips." "Just a moment." "What assurance have we that you won't do this again?" "My professional honor, Your Highness." "He shook her down." "What could he have on a princess?" "Plenty, from the size of the roll." "He had something on three people." "She's number two." "I hope I'm the third." "Duchess, my corns are just like a thermometer." "I can tell what the weather's gonna be like." "For heaven's sake, man, what are you muttering about?" "Oh, no harm, Duchess." "Just trying to make a little conversation." "I got a line that'll surprise you." "I can talk on anything. "Literatoor."" "How nice, Mr. Benton." "Have you read Burke's critique on James Joyce?" "Or I can talk on sports." "Take Terry McGovern." "There was a fellow with a left hook." "All he had to do was hit you in the chin... and break every bone in your ankle." "I dance, Princess, because it keeps me fit." "Oh, that is very important." "I have an uncle who chops down trees." "Excuse me, Your Highness." "Pardon me, Doctor, but a child on "B" deck swallowed a whistle." "Good gracious!" "It was a very small child and a very large whistle." ""B" deck?" "I'm sorry, Your Highness." "May I take up the operation where the doctor left off?" "A small child and a large whistle?" "No kidding." "When they held him upside down, he whistled "Yankee Doodle."" "Now which one is it in?" "That one." "How jolly!" "Let's do it again." "I can't understand that." "When the fellow showed it to me, it worked." "And at the coronation, it took 20 little girls... to carry the train of my grandmother's dress." "That's nothing." "On payday, it took four cops to carry my grandfather." "You are insufferable." "In my grandmother's day you would lose your head." "You don't have to go back that far, Princess." "I think we have danced enough." "I asked for it." "I'm sorry." "I want you to know one thing:" "If you're ever in any kind of trouble, you can count on me." "Oh, why do you think I should be in any trouble?" "This is a strange ship, and there are some very odd people aboard." "Ja, and the oddest of them all is you." "Thank heaven this day is over!" "Such a crowd, my dear." "I don't mind people stepping on my feet, but I do object to them loitering there." "I had a good time." "Who said, "Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown"?" "You know, I was a married woman before I knew... that kings didn't sleep with their crowns on." "Where do they put them, under the bed?" "And now for the royal bed" "No, no, Gertie, don't." "You mustn't go in there." "Good gracious, child." "What's the matter?" "§" "Don't move." "Keep very still." "I'll be right back." "§ See who it is." "Please, you come to my room." "Something has happened." "Why, certainly." "Thank you." "I don't know how you do it." "Didn't you see her face?" "She's in trouble." "But why Mantell?" "Of all the men on board, why ask his help?" "Because he likes me." "What can I do for you, Princess?" "Will you please look in that room?" "Darcy!" "Ohh!" "We know nothing." "When we came in just now, he was there like that." "I'd better call the captain." "Where's the phone?" "Oh, don't do that." "Surely you can realize how distressing this situation is for Her Highness." "Yes, I can understand that." "How much did you give him?" "Fifty pounds and" "The money's gone." "What is it, please?" "A radiogram for Her Royal Highness." "Put it under the door, please." "It's from Transatlantic Films." "Probably good-bye to Transatlantic Films." "It's about our hotel reservations." "He's gone." "A lot of help he's been." "What happens now?" "Where'll I put it?" "Anywhere." "Now forget everything that's gone on here." "It never happened." "But if they come to me with questions?" "Give 'em that royal freeze you gave me." "Oh, I'm so sorry" "Now, Princess, don't lose your nerve." "Get up on deck, where people will see you." "Keep moving." "Do you get the idea?" "Murder." "Murder." "A fine thing for my ship." "The man was a notorious blackmailer." "We ran him out of Paris." "I say!" "Lorel, Steindorf, what do you make of this?" "It was caught on Darcy's cuff link." "A blonde hair." "And a woman's." "Very significant." "Then we have a very strange coincidence." "A passenger list?" "Three names are marked." "With Darcy's pencil." "Medium soft lead." "And the names?" ""Princess Olga."" "Gentlemen, you're insane." "Her Highness's name on a blackmailer's list?" "Why not?" "There are two other names." "Mantell, our friend of the concertina-- and Petroff." "Yes, but Her Highness." "Captain, my theory is that Darcy knew Petroff was really Paul Merko." "He came in here, tried to extort money from him, went too far, and Merko killed him." "Very good." "Only Darcy wasn't killed in this room." "Huh?" "What?" "A child can see there are no bloodstains on the bed." "The body was put here after the murder." "With your permission, Captain, I suggest we question these two people." "Question Her Highness?" "When it is murder, we question everybody." "What are you thinking of?" "You can't question the princess." "I say, old man, we're not suggesting a third degree." "I can't permit it." "Unfortunately, Captain, the murderer is still aboard your ship." "Exactly." "And your duty is towards your passengers." "Well, I suppose so." "Operator, this is Captain Nicholls." "Connect me with the suite of the Princess Olga." "It is very late, but if we can help you." "It is very considerate." "We'll be as brief as possible." "Does Your Highness recall a gentleman by the name of Darcy?" "Darcy?" "Robert M. Darcy, blackmailer and confidence man." "Gentlemen, do you realize your inexcusable impertinence?" "lmpertinence, perhaps;" "but hardly inexcusable, madame." "Murder is its own excuse." "Murder?" "This blackmailer, what did you say his name was?" "Darcy." "We found his body in B-50." "So?" "But why do you come to us?" "Your Highness will be surprised to learn... that your name was ticked off on a passenger list in the dead man's pocket." "The names of two other passengers were also marked." "Madame will understand the need of investigating." "We understand." "These other two, are they persons of importance?" "Their names are Nicolai Petroff and King Mantell." "Maybe they can help you." "We are very sorry we cannot give you any information." "Good night." "The fact that you have admitted us, Your Highness, has been a great help." "Good night." "They cannot suspect us of the murder." "Not while I'm Princess Olga, but how long will that last now?" "Darcy?" "I've never heard of him." "Did you hear any noise or excitement in the next cabin?" "No, nothing." "Where did you spend the evening?" "Right here." "Did you entertain a visitor?" "No, nobody was here." "You were alone?" "Well, practically." "I was with Benton." "Yeah, we were both alone." "Well, Captain?" "Have you any more questions, gentlemen?" "I think not at present." "Well, anytime at all, boys." "Good night." "Good night." "Just like the good old days." "Absolute proof, gentlemen, that Darcy was in the stateroom of the princess." "Not so fast, Doctor." "I found this cigarette, half smoked, in Mantell's cabin." "It is not the brand smoked by Mantell." "So we discover that Darcy was also in Mantell's cabin." "Have you other gentlemen any clues that you are keeping to yourselves?" "Kawati?" "Yes." "In the princess's cabin, I found this." "A concertina." "Mantell." "So there is a close connection between the princess and Mantell." "We must find out what it is." "Now, gentlemen, don't jump to conclusions." "The princess is a guest of the line." "We cannot subject her to indignities." "It's ridiculous to presume she had any connection with this crime." "It is ridiculous to presume otherwise, Captain." "But my friends, they go too fast." "Before we can proceed, there is one other person we must question." "Petroff." "And where is he, gentlemen?" "Gentlemen, it's past midnight." "May I suggest that you sleep on the matter?" "Ja." "We have much to think about." "Good night." "What's wrong?" "My ring." "Ring?" "The one Darcy took." "My name's engraved in it." "Oh, my stars and garters!" "But you can't go prowling about at 3:00 in the morning." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to get that ring." "§ § [Instruments Imitating Laughter]" "Any particular reason?" "Well, it keeps the hair out of my eyes." "Where'd you get the ring?" "Hmm?" "You heard me." "Where'd you get it?" "Oh, there's a little thing I picked up for 1,000 bucks." "How much?" "Five hundred dollars." "Come on." "Well, anyhow, I picked it up." "Yeah, you picked it out of Princess Olga's purse." "I did not." "I picked it out of Darcy's pocket." "Quiet." ""Wanda Nash." Huh?" "Stick with it, will you, fellows?" "We've got that ship's concert." "It's liable to be a tough house, and besides, we're playing for royalty." "I'm sorry I'm late, gentlemen." "I've been busy." "Very busy." "But I've solved the problem of the murder." "My word!" "What?" "Who did it?" "I will tell you when I have completely finished writing my report." "If you gentlemen will come to my cabin at 8:00 this evening," "I will give you the name of the murderer and show you positive proof." "You too, Kawati." "One thing more." "You will please ask Princess Olga and Mr. Mantell... to come to my cabin five minutes before 8:00." "It is important that I should see them." "Good morning, Your Highness." "They told me I'd find you here." "Good morning, Mr. Mantell." "Please, won't you sit down?" "Good morning, Lady Allwyn." "Mr. Mantell." "I'm coming right down to cases." "We're going to be asked a lot of questions, and very soon." "It would help if we all told the same story." "We have no story, Mr. Mantell." "Neither have we anything to conceal." "Precisely." "Okay, Princess." "But suppose one of these smart guys... wants to know why Darcy tried to shake you down." "Shake us down?" "We do not understand." "I mean blackmail." "Mr. Mantell, nothing could be farther from the truth." "I was the victim of that unhappy man's perfidy." "You?" "By some foul means," "Darcy became acquainted with my youthful indiscretion." "Mr. Mantell, it was a terrible scandal." "Great names were involved." "Last night he came to our cabin... and demanded more money than I possessed." "When he grew nasty, Her Highness came to my rescue." "Stripping a ring from her finger, she flung it at the fellow and bade him be gone forever." "Was the ring valuable?" "It was a small emerald." "And I suppose you want me to get it back." "Oh, if it is possible." "Princess, your ring is practically in my pocket right now." "Good morning, Your Highness, Lady Allwyn, Mr. Mantell." "Captain's compliments." "Dr. Steindorf requests you to be in his cabin tonight at five minutes before 8:00." "Did he say why?" "No, sir." "Okay, thank you." "Yes, sir." "I think it would be better if you didn't go." "Just leave it to me." "Oh, and Duchess, that story you told me-- it's swell;" "stick to it." "Who did it, Steindorf?" "Can you hear me?" "Who did it?" "Call the doctor." "Have the doctor come to B-35." "Give me a hand." "Let's get him to the bed." "He's badly wounded." "He's still alive, but he's going fast." "B-3 5." "Who was it, Doctor?" "Who was it?" "Was it Merko?" "Paul Merko?" "Pass... port." "Pass... port." "Pardon, monsieur." "When you came in this cabin, you saw no one else?" "No one." "Princess Olga?" "She wasn't here." "But her appointment." "Well?" "May I suggest that Mr. Mantell be excused... while we conduct a thorough investigation of this cabin." "You'll, of course, be prepared to answer any questions we may ask after the investigation." "Certainly." "And Princess Olga, Inspector?" "And the Princess." "It's the finish, Gertie." "I can't see why." "You're innocent." "Forget the murders." "I can't stand investigation." "They're bound to find out who I am:" "Wanda Nash, mixed up in a couple of murders." "Pretty, isn't it?" "The fact remains:" "You are innocent." "And truth, crushed to earth, shall rise again." "That recalls my biggest success." ""One Against All," it was called." "The best third act that ever was written." "Are you listening?" "Yes, I'm listening." "Suddenly, I electrified the audience." "I rose to my full height." ""Gentlemen!" I cried." ""I may be only a weak woman, but I am not afraid." ""Truth, crushed to earth, shall rise again!"" "Thanks, Gertie." "What're you going to do?" "You've given me a swell idea." "I'm getting dressed." "I'll put an act on that'll stop 'em!" "And that takes us back again to Mantell." "And the Princess." "Both of them must be thoroughly investigated." "Oh, not the Princess." "Why not?" "After all, what do we really know about her?" "We must immediately communicate with Stockholm." "Her Royal" "Your Highness." "I demand to know of what you dare to accuse me." "Your Highness, may I ask-- Questions, questions." "We of royal blood do not answer questions." "We ask them." "What reason have you to connect me with this murder?" "Well, I don't." "Personally-- Not you, but these gentlemen." "What proof they have?" "They have no proof." "Merely theories." "Some perfume-- Just as we thought!" "We are insulted with theories." "If there is any more, we will send radio to Sweden." "We will notify our government." "We will ask to be protected." "We will demand aeroplanes, submarines, battleships-- That is not necessary." "I will personally guarantee, on my honor, that you will be subjected to no more indignities." "I am still in command of this ship." "And on the high seas, my word is law." "Very well, then." "We trust you." "We are only a weak woman, but we are not afraid." "Truth, crushed to the earth, will rise again." "Whew!" "What a woman!" "A blonde tiger-cat!" "I suggest that you do something about finding Merko... before you annoy that charming lady again." "Two murders have been done, and you haven't even found a stowaway!" "Hello, Mr. Mantell." "I'm beginning to get on to your system." "System?" "Yes, it's only every other time that you don't speak to me." "Let me in on the joke." "I could use a giggle or two." "It is no joke." "I am feeling very happy today." "Must be the ocean." "I never knew there was so much water in the world." "There has to be a lot of it." "Why?" "So people can drink their eight glasses a day." "You are crazy." "People do not drink the ocean!" "Fish do." "Fish are not people!" "Wouldn't it be nice if they were?" "I wonder what a princess fish would do if she ran into a concertina-player fish?" "She would probably swim by him every other time." "Your Highness." "I don't know how to express my regrets, but" "Pardon me, Princess." "Please do not go away." "I just received this from the owners of the line." "I must proceed with the investigation... regardless of rank or person." "I have told you, I shall notify my government." "Your Highness is quite at liberty to do so." "We ourselves may communicate with Sweden this afternoon." "We understand, Captain." "We thank you for your courtesy." "I suggest that you wireless your government as soon as possible." "Bad news, huh?" "How do you mean?" "Show a little of that royal blood, would you?" "They haven't counted you out yet." "We do not know what you are talking about." "Pull yourself together." "I've got an idea." "Princess Olga?" "I'm sorry to disturb you again, Your Highness." "It won't be necessary to send a message to your government." "Oh!" "So?" "Mr. Mantell just left my cabin." "He has promised to reveal the name of the murderer." "Yes." "Tonight." "After the ship's concert." "Thank you, Captain." "Well, what do you know about that?" "I'm savin' this page for your obituary notice!" "I can see it now:" ""King Mantell Gets Himself Bumped Off for a Dame."" "And right here will be a picture of you with a knife in your back." "Where will you get two cents to buy a paper?" "I ain't letting' no dame make a ninny out of me." "What's up?" "The captain just phoned me." "You're not going through with it!" "What's all this?" "Nobody but a madman would do it!" "After Steindorf?" "It's suicide!" "Well, Her Highness seems to have fallen off her horse." "Never mind about my horse." "Okay, Wanda." "The captain says" "What did you say?" ""Okay, Wanda."" "I said it was practically in my pocket." "Why didn't you tell me?" "I thought it'd be nice if you told me yourself." "There's some more that goes with it." "Yeah." "I started in South Brooklyn, chorus, cheap nightclub, waiting for a break and-- Go on." "Well, I met Gertie in London." "Poor old Gertie." "Hit on our little idea." "We gave Hollywood a title, and they gave us a contract." "How do you like it?" "Wanda Nash is all right with me." "Now that you know everything, please don't go through with it." "I have to." "It's gone this far." "If you know, why don't you tell them now?" "I would if I knew." "The point is, I don't." "Then why did you say you did?" "Because to catch a rat you have to have cheese." "I don't get it." "I'm the cheese." "When the rat comes to nibble, bang goes the trap." "With the cheese in it." "Not if it's a smart piece of cheese." "You can't take a chance like that." "I won't let you!" "Hey, where are you going?" "To tell the truth." "They can investigate me till they're dizzy." "I'm not gonna let you get your throat cut." "You've got this thing all mixed up." "Who said I was doing it for you?" "B-But then, who are you doing it for?" "For me." "You've heard of that thing called publicity." "Climb back in that Swedish accent of yours and" "What are you talking about?" "It's simple." "Nobody gives a hoot about Wanda Nash." "Princess Olga is news." "Front page." "It isn't every day that a concertina player gets to tie up with a princess." "You've been in show business." "You know what I'm talking about." "Yeah, I know." "But I was dumb enough to think you were doing it for me." "Well, now you know I'm not." "I think I'll run along now and let you have a good laugh all by yourself." "You just keep your head, and there'll be more than laughs in it for both of us." "You get it?" "I think I get it." "But you get this:" "I don't owe you a thing." "Once we're in the clear, you go your way and I'll go mine." "Okay, if that's the way you want it." "That's the way I want it." "You're walkin' right into it!" "All them people." "You'll never know what hit you." "Will you quit worrying?" "I've got this figured out." "That's what Steindorf thought." "Now look at him!" "Put this in your pocket." "All I want you to do is stick around." "Close." "I'll stick around, but I ain't no Charlie Chan." "When I'm picking that guy's sewing kit out of your back, don't say I didn't tell you." "It's working out." "Yeah." "It's workin' out swell." "You ain't goin' up there now, are you?" "Why not?" "I don't know why you want to trade your concertina for a harp!" "Aw, come on." "Let's go." "§" "And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have another treat for you." "King Mantell, Monarch of the Concertina, and his band." "§ ["Flight of the Bumble Bee" by Rimsky-Korsakov]" "§" "§" "§ A bashful troubadour am I §" "§ With so much in my heart to say §" "§ I have no way of telling you how much I love you §" "§ So I play §" "§ My concertina §" "§ Reveals my soul §" "§ When I lose my control of pretty phrases §" "§ It sings your praises §" "§ My concertina §" "§ Helps me express the song ofhappiness §" "§ That love has brought me §" "§ The song you taught me §" "§ Oh, my concertina §" "§ Gives me away §" "§ It knows that while I play I'm thinking of you §" "§ It says I love you §" "§ So to convey my love §" "§ I play §" "§ My concertina §" "Do you think it is safe for Mr. Mantell to be alone now?" "No, madame." "Someone should certainly be with him." "Would you then, as a favor to us all, stay near him?" "Yes, madame, if he will permit." "Oh, thank you." "We all shall be very grateful." "Mmm." "Whew!" "Boy, am I glad that's over." "I was shakin' like a plate ofjelly." "It isn't over yet." "Plant yourself near lifeboat 23." "I'll be there." "Why?" "Why?" "That's the whole idea." "Whoever we want won't try anything here." "He'll get me alone." "The minute he starts something, you come in." "Top deck, lifeboat 23." "Is that clear?" "You bet it's clear." "Ah, ladies and gentlemen, the Princess Olga has graciously consented to pass among you... taking contributions for the Seaman's Fund." "Will the Princess now start putting on the "bee"?" "Are you really going to tell us the name of the murderer?" "I hope so." "Then you must be prepared for attack." "I'm waiting for it." "Oh, but not here." "This killer is very clever." "He will wait until you are in a more secluded place." "Hmm." "It's funny that you should say that." "That's exactly how I figured it." "Thank you, Inspector." "I'm working on the idea that Darcy was a blackmailer interested in three people." "Two:" "Princess Olga and yourself." "Petroff did not sail." "But chances are that Petroff saw Darcy on the boat and slipped off." "It is possible." "I suppose you didn't spot Darcy coming aboard." "Was he alone?" "No." "The first time I saw Darcy was in Petroff's cabin." "Dead." "Well, I think I'll take a turn on the top deck." "You care to come along?" "Yes, I think it would be safe." "I'm beginning to appreciate your interest in me." "Thank you." "You sent for me?" "Yes." "It's only fair to acquaint you... with the new and extremely significant clue... to the murder of Darcy." "Yes?" "This banknote has been positively identified as belonging to Darcy." "It was undoubtedly taken from his pocket by the man who killed him." "So far, so good." "Do you recognize it?" "Yes." "I put it in your basket." "But I had no idea-- Of course." "You want to know how it came into my possession." "Yes." "Do you remember?" "Very well." "I won it in a game of poker." "Who gave it to you?" "Who were the other players?" "Let me think." "There was an American from Boston." "And a stranger whom I'd not met before." "And Lorel." "That's all." "Of course, we can leave out your old friend Lorel." "My old friend?" "I say, let us go into that for a moment." "Fog's thickening up a bit." "Swell night for a murder." "Monsieur chooses the wrong time to be amusing." "Delay is dangerous." "If you know the name of the murderer, why not tell me now?" "All right, I'll tell you." "His name is..." "Paul Merko." "Why, we know that." "But who is he?" "Can you point him out?" "I'm going to, if my theory works out." "Hmm." "Quite embarrassing if Monsieur Lorel should come into his cabin and find all this!" "Naturally, I should apologize." "Rather difficult to apologize for accusing him of murder!" "Inspector, what is it you are looking for?" "Frankly, I don't know." "Oh, gentlemen, hurry." "Out on deck, uh-- He's been hurt, sir." "Who?" "Who?" "Mr. Mantell's friend, Mr. Benton." "Mr. Lorel, put yourself in Merko's spot." "An escaped criminal, condemned to death." "You'd try to leave the country, wouldn't you?" "That is logical." "All right, if somebody recognized you, what would you do?" "You'd kill him, wouldn't you?" "Possibly, if the opportunity presented itself." "Then you'd take your victim's clothes, passport and name." "Maybe your victim had already booked passage." "That would account for Merko's being on board." "Very good, monsieur." "But that-- Wait a minute." "Who would be most likely to recognize an escaped criminal?" "An expert in disguises, like Merko?" "Five-to-one it would be a detective." "That is ridiculous!" "You would have the murderer on board masquerading as a detective?" "Merko's clever." "He'd be just the man to do it." "Perhaps you could even tell me the nationality of the detective." "I could give you my own idea." "Merko escaped in France." "My detective would be..." "French." "You are very clever, my friend." "Sometimes that is very foolish." "Then you are Paul Merko." "Your reasoning has been flawless." "It is too bad for you." "Move over to the rail." "You fire that, and it'll be heard all over the boat." "The foghorn will cover it..." "the next time it blows." "If you are expecting someone, he must have disappointed you." "Any second now." "Put up your hands, Merko! Agh! Man overboard!" "You all right, old man?" "Yeah, I'm okay." "Man overboard!" "Where'd he get you, buddy?" "I'm all right." "Who are you, anyway?" "I'll tell you all about that later." "Do you think you can get up?" "Sure." "If you help me." "I'll get you to the doctor." "Man the lifeboats! I can understand you getting drunk in Paris, stowing' away on this ship." "I can even understand a newspaperman wanting to get his job back." "But I can't understand why you had to sock me." "I'll tell you the truth." "I knew if I left you alone, you'd gum up the works." "Well, that's different!" "Okay!" "Hey!" "I've never seen anything like it!" "The crowd that's come on board." "Half of New York is here to greet you." "I'm not going through with it." "In heaven's name, what are you talking about?" "They're waiting to lay the world in your lap." "That isn't what I want." "Oh." "So that's it." "That concertina squeezer." "Now listen to me, child." "We've been through all this together." "We're on the homestretch." "I'm not going to let you throw it all away now!" "If you please, Your Highness, the reception committee awaits you on deck." "Your Highness, may I present Mr. Gustafson of the Swedish press." "Er kungliga hoghot." "Svensk Amirikanarna har, onskar mig bjuda, en sa skon och hedrande storket, och landsmanina valkomme till Amerika." "Jag tacan er." "Jag ar glad." "What did you say, Your Highness?" "Quiet, quiet!" "This is a national hookup!" "Ladies and gentlemen, Transatlantic Films takes pleasure in introducing... our latest importation:" "Princess Olga of Sweden." "Go ahead, Princess." "This is Princess Olga talking to the great American public." "All my life I dream of coming to this beautiful country of yours like this." "This is the happiest day of" "This is the happiest day" "No, no, it isn't. l-I've never been so unhappy in my life." "I can't go on being a phony." "I'm nothing, do you understand?" "But Princess!" "I've never been to Sweden." "I'm a Brooklyn gal!" "My folks live on 1 5th Street." "They're there right now." "Ma!" "Ma, can you hear me?" "Oh, no." "There must be some mistake!" "She's ill!" "She's raving mad!" "She's delirious!" "Excuse me!" "Give us the lowdown! Hey, King." "The Swede just told the world she ain't no princess!" "She what?" "Yeah." "She starts yellin' for her mama and then runs out." "[Ship's Whistle Blowing, Tugboat Horns Tooting]" "Wanda!" "Well, you certainly made a swell job of it." "You ever see anything like it?" "I must have been crazy." "It was the break I was waiting for." "Everybody counting on me." "Flowers." "The brass band." "Speeches and men in silk hats." "All for me!" "And what did I do?" "Kick it all over, for what?" "Oh, you don't know the great American public." "They'll eat it up. l" "It's all your fault." "Dozens of boats--Why did you have to take this one?" "Why did you have to get me all mixed up?" "Why did I have to fall in love with you?" "You big lug!" "Wh-What are you yelling at me for?" "I'm in just as bad a fix." "I don't know whether I'm coming or going!" "Come here." "No good ever came out of a concertina."