"The end of the world..." "War..." "Famine..." "Pestilence..." "And death." "And there is four horsemen we see* helpless villagers trampled, carnage" "as the apocalypse ravages the earth." "We could call ourselves "Jordy"." "No, your name should come first!" "We can be "Rusdan"." "No, you're first." "We're calling ourselves "Jordy."" "Bosch's garden of earthly delights." "Notice the right-hand panel." "Can anyone tell me why a sow dressed as a nun is flogging that man?" "Can anyone tell me why this class is worth three units?" "Every first grader knows that the pig is whipping that guy because of lustfulness." "You just snorted in my ear." "It's your fault." "If your futon wasn't stuffed with rocks..." "Or, maybe if you slept in your own bed once in a while..." "I can't, 'cause then I'd want Grant to join me." "And we'll stop here for today." "Not again." "Leda and the swan?" "No, that's sheila topless." "She gave me the full-court press lately." "Why did she gave us free cinemax?" "She's trying to..." "You know, arouse my primal instincts through subliminal programming." "Yeah, lusty co-eds 4 is real subliminal." "What are you looking at, perfect couple?" " Whatever, we're not perfect." " Yeah." "Just perfect together." "Have a great weekend, everyone." "Unless... the world comes to an end." "I'll see you at 4:00." "I'll be there." " What was that all about?" " Some special, last-minute panhellenic/ifc thing." "But "special and last-minute" sounds ominous, huh?" "They're probably just picking the theme for next year's fall formal or something." "I wouldn't worry about it." "OK, good." "So what would be a good theme for the fall formal!" "?" " What's the name of the game?" " Thumper!" "OK, you know, we can go." "I feel kind of betsy-ish getting a drink at lunchtime anyway." "It's fine." "I don't need to leave a bar because of Cappie, who plays drinking games at noon." "My amazing boyfriend is back tomorrow." " I'll have another bloody mary." " You got it." "I'm just drinking it." "I'm not playing a game with it." "Are you sure?" "'cause with all the..." ""missing cappie" thing and the "max coming back" thing... doesn't matter." "There's is no Cappie and me." "Even if I wanted there to be." "Which I don't." "You know, I've just been lonely." "I haven't been myself..." "I crashed a date with Rusty and Jordan for god's sake!" "As soon as Max gets back, everything will go back to normal." "Max... is amazing and perfect." "And Cappie..." "Whatever." "Max is a great guy." "He's cute, he's smart and romantic..." "But what about all that weirdness before he left." "Giving up caltech for you with out telling you?" "Yeah, max was the one who gave up Caltech." " Maybe you should stop Bloody Mary." " You're here!" "You're early." "I know," "I got an earlier flight." "Had to switch planes in Amsterdam." "I got you this." "And... runway diva extraordinaire!" "You're the best!" "=Greek 222=- "At World's End"" "Timing:" "Kappa Team" "Look at the chandeliers." "And all these old books." "I'm kind of intimidated by all the fanciness!" "So, do you have some ideas?" "How about relativity?" "I know it's more of a theory than an idea, but..." " All right, let's get started." " OK, all right..." "This is what I'm thinking:" "you know how P. Diddy has an all-white ball in the hamptons?" "We could do a similar thing here and have an all-blue ball?" "I can't top that." "You two aren't here to pitch social events." "The I-kaps say that last week during the homecoming float contest, members of Zeta Beta and Kappa Tau were involved in rigging their float... to eject beer." "That's what this meeting is about?" "Frannie's stupid coming float?" "And by stupid, I mean really neat." "The float gag was extremely disturbing to members of the campus and community." " Someone is gonna have to pay." " I saw you with beer, Ash." " It was homecoming." "Everyone had beer." " Please, everyone knows you hate my house." "I like the english tudor style." "Me too." "As the judicial committees for panhellenic and ifc, it is our responsibility to police our own." "Someone must be held accountable for rigging the I-kap's float." "Steve." "Right, sorry." "Forty percent of us on ifc voted that your prank was totally rad, but 60 percent thought it was uncool." "So, Cap, we're gonna have to suspend KT's social calendar for two weeks." "Two weeks!" "?" "Starting sunday." "That means we have this weekend to throw a last-minute rager." "Awesome." "The Kappa Taus accept our punishment." "Good for us." "Dobler's?" "Not so fast, Ashleigh." "At panhellenic, we hold our girls to a higher standard." "Your individual punishment as the perpetrator of the prank:" "we'd have to notify the university, and you could be suspended..." " Even expelled." " Oh my God!" "From what?" "From..." "The university." "Oh, my God!" "Dr. Stephanopoulus had me focus on improving molecular packing for higher mobility, which was incredible!" "And I've already put the feelers out for a few side projects to get involved with on campus." "But I missed you." "How were things around here?" "They were weird." "I'm just glad you're here and we can get back to normal." "I think in the time you were gone..." "I really caught up." "You're feeling better about us?" "In fact," "I can't figure out what I was waiting for before." "Good." "Good." "'cause I just picked out the costumes for our Star Wars wedding." " I'm just..." " I know." "Kidding." "I look awesome in princess Leia Buns." "So thanks to the iki float's unsavory discharge, our ifc brethren suspended our social calendar for two weeks, starting sunday." "This is my fault." "I helped rig Marc Anthony before J. Lo tipped over." " It's Mark Antony." " I know, it's pronounced different in Spanish." "Regardless, it was worth it." "It's two weeks, guys." "Come on, we can survive it." "We just have to throw such a big party this weekend that it'll take us two whole weeks to recover!" "Now, we need word to spread fast, which means we need a killer theme to pack this place like never before," " and we only have a few days." " How'bout beer?" "Too obvious." "No, girls!" "No girls?" "No, comma." "Girls, exclamation point." "Girls are the theme." "How'bout the end of the world?" "Armageddon!" "Pestilence!" "Guys being flogged by pigs dressed as nuns." "We talked about the end of the world in art history today." " That's it!" " Art history, baby!" "Or..." "The theme could be the end of the world." "Tomorrow night." "Ten o'clock." "Kappa tau." "Prepare for the apocalypse." "And heath, print some fliers." "On it." " What's going on?" "What are you doing?" " You suck anyway." "Oh man, it's a video from Sheila." "No, it's cool." "See, she's making me a sundae." "She's putting chocolate on two scoops of... breasts, breasts..." " She's looking for the banana split." " This is what I'm talking about." "She is the energizer seduction bunny." "I really need Brian and Sanjay right now." "Yeah, why can't your purity pledge brothers help you out?" "They took a trip to fire island together." " Fire island?" " Smart guys too with this economy." "They booked a single queen to save money." "Speaking of single queens, what are you gonna do about grant?" "No clue." "But whatever I do I can't have sex with him." "Because you'll go to hell?" "Because we're in the same fraternity." "Having sex with your brother is like..." "Having sex with your brother?" "I'm sure that's probably how they'll look at it." "There's other problems too." "What if we break up and we're still sharing the same room?" "Wait, I got it." "I got it." "We make an agreement..." "no, scratch that." "More than an agreement." "A pledge!" "A pledge to not have sex with our tempters." "And help each other out with that." "You could be the first gay purity pledge." "Sure I will." "I'm telling you, man." "I'm gonna teach you the ways of the pledge." "The power of prayer, avoiding back rubs, saying'no'like you mean it, all of which help you out with Grant." "And you'll help me with sheila." "Until brian and sanjay get back." " OK, I guess I'm in." " All right..." "Give me your hand." ""God," ""I promise that until I am joined in marriage," ""I'll have no other intimate partner but you..." ""god."" "Yeah, that's not creepy." "As god is our witness, we will not have sex!" "With Grant." "I should just resign now and get it over with!" "What was I thinking, pulling a stupid prank like that?" "It's so not-presidential." "Someone should throw a shoe at me!" "This is all frannie's doing." "She's stirring the whole thing up." "Why can't she just leave us alone?" "Ash, calm down." "This is a crisis, yes, but it's manageable." "Manageable if you were president, maybe!" "But I'm in way over my head." "If I don't get expelled the girls will just impeach me for my nonexistent leadership skills." "Why did you let me take this job?" "Oh my God!" "I'm watching the professor like a hawk." "By reading clues embedded in the human face," "I can learn my grade moments before he hands back my paper." "Kappa tau's having this end of the world party this weekend." "It's gonna be bigger than vesuvius." "What?" "Is it gonna rain blood or something?" "He scratched his nose when he looked at me." "I aced this." "No, there's a high pollen count today." "Professor Clancy is allergic." "Yeah." "Allergic to giving me Bs." "Crushed it." "It's an A." "Wait..." "Yeah." "That's sloppy grading." "He forgot a line in your B." "Because it's not a B. It's a D." "I can't even repeat what your face is saying right now." "I can't believe I just fell into a manhole." "I just said "manhole"." "Why wasn't there a sign or a cone or something?" "We should sue." " The cones should be a brighter colour." " I'm fine." "Now I have a funny story to tell everyone at the house." "I fell into a manhole!" "It's not like I could've died." "Well, you could've." " Really?" " Dying's easier than you think." "You could die slipping in the shower, backing your car out of the garage." "Heck, if you'd hit the ladder on your way down, you could've severed your sacral nerves and died instantly." "Life is weird." "Death is weird." "Know what else is weird?" "I gave up my trust fund." "That's not weird." "That's just stupid." "Probably." "But you know what?" "Yes, it's freaking terrifying." "But I also feel oddly liberated." " I can't explain it." " No, I get it." "You got rid of something you thought you need, but that also held you down." "I know how you feel." "Liberating but terrifying sounds right." "Hey, know what else is liberating but terrifying?" "Mortality!" "Am I right?" "Sounds good to me." "Mortality contemplated." "Assignment completed." "Totally agree." "Please get us out of here." "Now that you're an impoverished degenerate, here's a flier for the KT party this weekend." "So Jordan picked you over a star football player?" "Pretty much." "That's awesome!" "I feel like we should do that thing with our fists right now." " A fist bump?" " Yeah!" "That's it, the..." "I got a D in o-chem today." "My first D ever." "I hate to say it, pal, but o-chem is what separates the scientists from the technicians." "I've been juggling a lot lately." "My honors classes," "Kappa Tau, and now Jordan." "You can't have everything in life." "Sometimes you have to choose." "Like you chose Casey over Caltech." "I don't regret it for one second." "I'm not sure I'm ready to make that choice." "Check with your advisor." "Maybe he can help you." "My advisor hates me." "I've never known anyone who almost died before." "Except my grandmother." "But she actually did die." "Can we stop talking about it, and focus on the task at hand?" " You think a muffin is all we need?" " Trust me." "When I was the IKI mole I roomed with her." "The more ingredients, the more confused she gets." "And then, the more she talks." "We need some dirt on IKI to blackmail Frannie." "She's our way in." "Hi muffin!" "It is a muffin." "And it's for you." "Moist." "It has chocolate chips." "So Beth, we need to talk to you about the I-Kap house." "Can you think of anything weird, or possibly bad, going on there?" "I think that was an almond!" "Or maybe a pecan?" "I don't know." "They need to clean the living room curtains... that's not weird or bad, Beth." "Think." "And enjoy some more of your tasty muffin." "Walnuts." "Valerie's boyfriend stays over every night." "They even take showers together!" "We can work with that." "Anything else?" "A lot of the girls don't show up for meetings." "And oh!" "There are an awful lot of plants in the house..." " You just lost me." " The plants are all in Joan's bathroom." "And they smell funny." "Joan says they're special plants that make people feel good." "Can you taste the zucchini?" "It smells like Hugo Boss and Brimstone in here." "Well, Grant's not here, so... we're gonna have to wait so you can practice what I taught you." "Cal, you're back." " Where you been?" " I was just..." "Hanging out with Dale." "Good to meet you." "While you were gone, I hid your DVDs." "The guys were trying to get into them, you know you'd never see them again." "Thanks, man." "I was thinking about going to the gym." "You wanna come with?" "Just say no like you mean it." "You know, actually, I think I would like to go." "But... but baby," "won't we late for Showgirls?" "I know how much you hate being late." "What?" "Are you guys...?" "Oh yeah." "Cal's really shy but we're in love." "We're gay together." "I didn't know you had a boyfriend." "That's awesome." "It's fabulous." " What happened to you?" " I fell." "I wasn't talking to you." "I was talking to De Niro here." "Is that vomit on the rug?" "Brenda spilled soup." "What are you doing here?" "A little birdie told us about Joan's magical plants." "So, if you know what's good for you, you'll tell panhellenic to back... off..." "Of us." "Or else." "Next time you want to threaten someone, asking them if it's OK kinda undermines the whole... intimidation vibe." "And I'm not backing down because of some... half-baked threat I know you'll never follow through on." "But I will." "Then I guess we'll just have to see what happens at the meeting." "So, I was reading up on your work in silicon wafers." "It's amazing stuff." "Do you really think brown-nosing is going to work on me?" "Is it that frat?" " Is the coursework too hard?" " No, it's not that, sir." "I don't get paid by the hour." "Speak." "I guess I've been focusing a lot of time on..." "My art history..." "Project." "Art history?" "Why would you choose a liberal arts class as an elective?" "I thought it'd be easy." "Those classes seem easy, because they're stupid." "I tried to have that whole side of campus razed, but apparently hippies need classrooms, too." "Stupid hippies." "This tie-dyed guy in the quad recommended art history." "Son of a bitch." "They're shameless." "My mistake was not coming to you for help choosing my elective." "Fine." "We'll see what we can do to get your o-chem grades back up." "Starting this weekend." "You sure you're OK?" "I'm fine." "It's just a stupid manhole." "What?" "Manhole." "Sorry." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." "You big bag o'douche!" "Welcome back." "Flier?" "What's with him?" "He didn't even make fun of me." "Cappie always has a one-track mind when he's planning a big party." ""End of the world party?"" " Can we go?" " You want to go?" "To a Kappa Tau party?" "Few things are more thrilling to a scientist than contemplating the end of the world." "Really?" "I thought it was the human genome or something." "If it were the end of the world now, I know I'd want to spend it with you." "I have to pee!" "Sorry, I just, I have to..." "Steady there!" "Sheila, you're trying to seduce me." "No, I'm just..." "I'm just really not..." "Not ready right now..." "No, like, I mean it." "Sheila, Sheila..." "Hold on." "I..." "I took this purity pledge, a long time ago and it's very important to me, that's why I wear this..." "I really..." "Oh my god." "Dale is my boyfriend." "Can you excuse us for one second?" "I don't want to scare her off." "I just want to slow her down." " Well, what am I supposed to do?" " Stop acting like a weirdo." "And come sit on the sofa with us." "Sorry about that, Sheila." "Calvin was joking around." "You know him." "He came over to watch tv with us." "Great." "So..." "We can watch tv." "Come on, Case." "No Casey?" "Bold choice." "I'm sure she'll be here any minute." "Yeah, you don't look so sure." "What?" "Don't think I'll out Iki's little hemp farm on my own?" "I know you can't." "I lived with you for three years, Ash." "Being passed out in clay aiken's bed is more threatening than you are." "I still can't figure out how those girls ever thought you'd make a better president than me." "Because they wanted change." "Well, they're going to get it." "Their president on a fast-track to expulsion." "And..." "What do you get, frannie?" "A third-rate frat house with a drug-dealing landlady and wall-to-wall barf." "I don't get you." "You helped zbz become the number one house on campus." "So I'll do the same with the I-kaps." "No matter what you do, no matter what happens to ZBZ," "Iota Kappa Iota will always remain an embarrassment and you know it." "And the minute you graduate, it's going to implode and leave a steaming, icky-scented hole in the ground." "That's what you'll be remembered for." "If you're remembered at all." "After a lot of internal discussion," "I'm sorry to say, but we believe you sabotaged the I-kaps' float." "And I'll be referring your punishment" " to the board of..." " Wait!" "I want to drop the complaint." "Why?" "Because I lied." "I have no idea who sabotaged my float." "I only accused the ZBZs to mess with them." "I made the I-kap witnesses back me up." "You're aware you've wasted all of our time?" "And that you could have gotten Ashleigh expelled for no reason?" "What can I say?" "I'm just that bitchy." "Fine." "I'm dismissing this case for lack of evidence." "I can't believe I'm missing the party tonight." "Who's this?" "Hi." "I was just seeing Rusty off." "Happy research." "Or whatever." "What a lovely tie-dyed vest." "Thanks!" "Bye!" "Have a good time at the party." " Ready for an all-nighter, champ?" " Yeah, sure." "You so missed it!" "You missed me putting a stake in count francula's heart, put her in her place once and for all." "She won't mess with us again." "Oh my god!" "The meeting!" "Yeah." "Wait, where were you?" "I'm so sorry." "I've just been  having doubts  about Max and the manhole." " Seriously?" " I know it's crazy." "I know I should be happy with Max." "So I made a list of pros and cons." "A list of pros and cons?" "Really?" "Can I see?" "Seriously, what's wrong with you?" "I almost got expelled!" "The house could've gone bankrupt!" "Where were you?" "Making lists." "You used to be this focused, driven person." "When did you become this girl?" "Someone who sits around pining?" "Making lists?" "Second-guessing your choices?" "Paging Dr. Grey." "No, wait, you're more like joey potter." " OK, I get the point." " No, you're worse." " You're the F-word." " Don't say it!" " Felicity." " You bitch!" "See?" "There!" "That is Casey Cartwright." "Toughen up!" "I'm sorry, Ash." "I'm sorry I let you down." "That's all right." "You're human." "And I'm in love with Cappie." "That's been your problem all along." "You've been bouncing around in these different love triangles failing to see the obvious." "Which is...?" "What's the common point in these love triangles?" "Time to stop bouncing around, felicity." "I have to go tell him." "Is Cappie around?" "You've been avoiding me." " What are you doing?" " Just wait." "Something happened." "I almost died." "Because of that manhole." "I know, it's a funny word." "But almost dying made me realize I could die anytime," "I could slip in the shower, and..." "I've..." "Been waiting, all this time  to feel the way with Max that I've always felt with you." "And..." "If it's the end of the world," "I want to be with you." "Max is a great guy." "I know." "That's what makes this so hard." "I don't want to hurt him." "Then don't." "Don't ruin it with Max because of some fleeting thought." "This isn't some fleeting thought." "This is  what I really feel." " I finally have some clarity." " You think it's clarity but it's not." "It's a post-traumatic stress reaction." "And it'll wear off." "And you'll regret coming to see me tonight." "No, I won't." "You'll rember that I am a childish, lazy, unreliable, unpredictable, unambitious frat guy who let you down before." "And that's why we didn't work." "You don't even want to try?" "The world isn't going to end tonight." "OK?" "I was at the house." "They said you were already here." "But, Max, I can explain." "We..." "I was hitting on your girlfriend." "See." "I'm not really over Casey, and I  thought with you gone I might have a shot getting her back." "And of course, she shot me down." "When will I learn, right?" "What the hell is wrong with you?" "Sorry man, I know it was a douche move, but..." "What can I say?" "I'm a douche." "Punch is ready!" "What are you guys doing here?" "I'm gonna go get us some drinks." "Strength in numbers, man." "I help you, you help me." "I already watched you make out with sheila for three hours." "What do I do the next time she has one of her hormonal attacks?" "You know, menopause is right around the corner and then I'm screwed." "C'mon, I solved your problem." "Sure, dale, why the hell not?" " Great party, douchebag." " Thanks, numb nuts." "To a new world, gentlemen." "Good riddance to the things we hated and may we not miss the things we loved." "To a new world!" "You know, I think I'm gonna go." "With all these guys rubbing up against us by accident?" "This is great." "I just want to rub against my boyfriend." "Oh my god, it's Rusty!" "God, I need a guy." "You left?" "Aren't you going to get in trouble for leaving the lab?" " I'll figure that out tommorow." " Rusty, what are you doing here?" " What are you doing here?" " You blew off hastings?" "And your grade?" "I have the rest of the semester to figure that out." "If it is the end of the world," " I want to be with Jordan." " But it's not." "Don't you read the scriptures I leave on your pillow?" " There's gonna be signs!" " Well I saw a sign." "This." "Right here." "You, Jordan." "All my friends." "This is all I want and everything else can wait'til tomorrow." "If there is a tomorrow." "Rusty, you're speaking in tongues right now." "It's the four horsemen of the apocalypse!" "Has he been hitting on you this whole time I've been gone?" "Did something happen?" "No, nothing happened between us." "Not really." "I mean, who the hell does he think he is?" "It's like..." "You know what?" "That guy's charm is gonna wear thin one day." "He can't just coast through life forever." "He just believes in letting things figure themselves out." "He calls it karmic synergy." " OK he can call it whatever he wants." " And it kind of works." "And..." "He's not stupid enough to think he can do this for the rest of his life." "He's just going to do this for as long as he can." "Because he loves it." "He loves all these guys." "And he's a lot smarter than people know." "Why are you defending him right now?" "Do you still have feelings for him?" "Nothing is going to happen between Cappie and me." "All right." "But I don't think anything is going to happen between us either, Max." "What?" "You said..." "While I was away you had a chance to catch up." "I felt that way when I said it." "And..." "But now I'm not so sure." "And I can't keep bouncing around like this." "It's not fair to anyone." "Least of all you." "What happened?" "You're the perfect guy, Max." "You're just not perfect for me." "Asteroid collision!" "Did you talk to Cappie?" "Yeah, I..." "Yeah, I did." "I broke up with Max." "Wait..." "Cappie doesn't want to be with me, and who can blame him?" "But I can't be with Max knowing I really want to be with Cappie." "So that leaves me with..." "Me." "And I'm..." "I'm taking me home." " OK, I'll go with you." " No no, you stay here, have fun." "I could use some alone time." "OK." "You sure?" "Positive." "Go, throw some asteroids." "So, I was debating whether or not to even say anything" "I got the message the other day, but" "I wanted you to know that your boyfriend's cheating on you." "With a woman." "Yeah, he's not my boyfriend." "He's not?" "My precious!" "Hey Max!" "Is that beaver's molten lava madness?" "It sure is." " Sorry, Rus, excuse me." " You're just gonna run?" " Where's Casey?" " Rus, please." "Sit down." "I've never seen you drunk before." "Well, you've never seen me dumped before." "Dumped?" "Yep, pal." "Casey gave me the..." "She gave me the big..." "Adios." "Something clever that Cappie would say like..." "Forget about Cappie right now." "Not so easy considering he's the reason we broke up." "Casey says it wasn't 'cause of Cappie, but I know it was." "How do you know?" "I saw them come out of a closet together." "Then she dumped me." "I was wrong, Rus." "Never pick the girl." "Nope." "They'll leave you every time." "You can count on it." "What are you doing here?" "I'm sure you heard what happened with panhellenic." "I heard that Ashleigh showed you what sisterhood means." "Very forcefully." "Please." "Ash just give me a way out of that hot iki mess." "Did you just call I-kap Iki?" "There is no more I-kap." "I'm disbanding the house." " Really?" " Ashleigh was right." "Iota Kappa is no ZBZ, and it never will be." "Joan the pot dealer was just the tip of the iceberg." "Half our pledges are total skanks" "And the other half just got skinny for rush and have already gained the weight back." "This way I can disband that failed experiment in one fell swoop." "So what are you doing here?" "I was thinking..." "Maybe you can let back in some of the ex-zbzs?" "A few of the ones who left might have been  coerced." "And beth is innocent by reason of stupidity." "I'll have to run that one past new presidential Ashleigh." "And I also came to say goodbye." "I'm leaving." "Leaving leaving?" "For real this time." "Finish up my classes  graduate, and hit the road." "Let's face it, this place is way too small-time for me, anyway" "Well, you'll be missed." "I know." "Right?" "I've got the spins." "So that guy over there just told me you knocked frannie out with one roundhouse kick to the head." "At the meeting." "I should not drink and brag at the same time." "I am proud of you." "I'm proud of me too!" "I can't wait to see what this new Ashleigh is gonna do next." "You're about to find out." "Wait here for a minute." "So Casey broke up with Max." "I see." "Because of you." "And she's gonna break up with the next guy because of you." "And the guy after that." "And she's gonna keep doing it, because for some odd reason, you're the one she's supposed to be with." "OK, everybody!" "It's almost midnight!" "Let the countdown to the end of the world begin!" "It's the end of the world, Cappie." "What are you gonna do?" "Three..." "Two..." "One..."