"Well, it's only toothpaste." "Kate, Willie, you can come out now." "Be right there." "Cut, cut, cut...." "what's going on here?" "The lyric's too complicated?" "Happy anniversary." "Well, Alf this is all very nice," "Yes, thank you, but the only problem is..." "Problems, shmoblems..." "sit down and relax." "The old Alfer's doing it all tonight." "The cooking, the serving, the cleaning... ofcourse, once you two get in to the bedroom, you're on your own." "Wink, wink, nudge, nudge." "What's going on?" "It looks like the old Alfer is throwing us a surprise anniversary party." "Just a little informal nothing." "Lobster pate?" "I thought you two are going out tonight?" "What?" "Well, Alf that's what we've been trying to tell you." "We have plans." "We're going out to see "Nicholas Nickleby."" "And the tickets were very hard to get." "We appreciate all the trouble you've gone to." "I mean, cutting roses so they look like radishes." "And making pate." "And very good pate, too." "What's in it?" "Let me guess..." "there's lobster, there's sour cream," "But there's something else." "That's it." "The fluorescent kind." "I wanted it to be special." "You're realy going?" "Listen, we'll be back right after the play." "Yeah, Eight hours of dickens?" "Take a pillow." "I saw it on PBS." "It's unwatchable." "And the guy who plays Wackford squares... sounds like he's from Brooklyn!" "And I'll tell you another thing..." "Guess who Smike's father turns out to be?" "Ralph Nickleby!" "Ha!" "Have a good time." "Yo, Lucky, you busy?" "Feel like shooting the breeze?" "Probably on the phone with his friends." "I'm dr." "Lory Schrock and we're back with Jody on the line." " Are you still there?" " I'm here dr." "Shrock." "Jody, what are you think is the cause of your loneliness?" "Well, for one thing, Los Angeles seems so overwhelming." "Moving here was like moving to a different planet." "I can relate." "I'm just so afraid of rejection." "People react funny when they found out I'm not like them." "I can relate to that, too." "Sometimes you have to risk being hurt if you want things to change." "Put yourself out there Jody." "You'll find a friend." "Hey, Jody, you like redheads?" "Thanks for listening, dr." "Schrock." "Sometimes it's important just to hava a caring person to talk..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." "stay on the line for a second," "We have a pass to magic mountain for you." "Our number once again is 555-4455." "We'll be right back after these messages." "555-4455." "Hello, hi, hi this is Alf." "Yeah, let me speak to Jody." "Jody... that emotional basket case that was talking a minute ago." "Why not?" "Well, can you give her my number?" "Yeah, it's 555-8531." "Tell her she'll found a friend." "Found a friend... wish i had one." "Hello." "Yeah, this is Alf." "Oh, Jody?" "Nice of you to call." "Hold on a second." "Jody..." "what's up babe?" "The shot is up... and it's good!" "3 points." "Alf, in polite societies one doesn't cut one's toenails in the living room." "Why not?" "Because it causes one to barf up one's dinner." "Go on." "Just don't do it." "Fine." "Oh hey, get that, will you?" "It's probably Jody." "If it's Jody, why don't you get it." "What if it isn't?" "I'll get it." "Hello?" "It's jody." " Who?" " Jody." "I know, I just like to hear the sound of her name." "Who is it?" "It's Jody!" "I'm sorry." "It's just this "Jody business"." "Oh, I know it's getting a little out of hand." "Yeah, hold on a second Jodester." "Could you all step out on the porch for a few minutes?" "I'd like some privacy." "Why don't you use the kitchen phone." "No problem." "Just hang up when I tell you." "I don't know about this." "This is the 3rd time they've spoken today." "I think it's nice that Alf has a friend outside the family." "Hang up!" "Now!" "I just wonder where is this relationship going to lead?" "Who sais it have to lead anywhere?" "Is Alf gona get married?" "No he's not... why?" "Have you heard something?" "Oh, don't worry about it, Jodester, it's just a gravy boat." "I'll talk to you later." "Nobody walk barefoot in the kitchen." "How's the Jodester?" "Terrific." "We have so much in common." "We both love cats." "Ff course, I like mine with a side of fries." "Ops." "Love has made me a klutz." "Alf, you know... we're all realy happy that you found a friend outside the family..." "Yeah, I can't wait to meet her." "Meet her?" "Didn't i tell you?" "We have a date tomorrow." "A date?" "Alf, you can't go out on a date." "Why not?" "Have you looked in a mirror lately?" "No, mine's broken." "Oh, by the way, don't walk barefoot in the laundry room, either." "Alf, if you go out with Jody... someone will see you." "No, they won't." "I'm going to Jody's place." "But Jody will see you." "That's where I lucked out." "Jody's blind." "Blind?" "Blind." "Alf..." "You can't go out with her." "Because she's blind?" "Yeah, mom, because she's blind?" "This has nothing to do with her being sightless." "Say the word, Kate." "She's blind!" "Her blindness isn't the problem." "Then what is the problem?" "Yeah, mom,what do you have against the Jodester?" "Brian, don't you have some homework to do?" " It can wait." " No, it can't." "Yes, mom." "Alf, we don't have anything against Jody..." " Great." "Can i borrow the car?" " No." "I won't let Jody drive." "What happens when Jody starts asking questions?" "Like where you came from?" "She already knows." "Cincinnati." "Cincinnati?" "What else did you tell her?" "Everything..." "I told her about my business, wholesale band equipment;" "and my 2 lovely children." "Your children?" "The twins." "From my brief marriage to Cathy Rigby." "Alf I think it was wrong to lie to her." "I know, but what else could I do?" "But eventually, Jody's gona learn the truth." "Not if Cathy Rigby keeps her mouth shut." "Alf, seeing jody at all... is much too dangerous." "You know it, and we know it." "So, uh..." "what you're saying is..." "I can't have any friends." "Alf you have lots of friends." "I'm your friend." "Brian's your friend." "I'm your friend." "See, you have lots of friends... including me." "Just no friends outside the family." "If you need me, I'll be in my room." "Alone again, naturally." "I'd clean it up, but I'm too depressed." "Well, mr." "Ginzburg," "I guess it's just you and me." "What do you want to do?" "Sing?" "Play charades?" "Go to a sock hop?" "Oh, no." "I've killed my only friend." "Hey, Alf..." "Excuse me." "Yes?" "What?" "Alf, how would you like to go outside... and throw out the old frisbee?" "The old what?" "The old frisbee." "Here, i'll show you how it goes." "Guess I'm not in the mood." "We're just trying to cheer you up." "I don't need cheering up." "I'm happy." "I've got my cot, my washer/dryer combo, and I'm talking to socks." "Okay." "if you want to play, we'll be right outside." "Fine." "Brian, better wear a face mask." "I'll be right out." "Alf..." "I hate seeing you like this." "I hate to be like this." "I feel like streeeky Mcintosh." "Streeeky who?" "Mcintosh." "Back on Melmac... we were orbit guards together." "He didn't have any friends either." "Of course, he was obnoxious." "Am I obnoxious?" "No, Alf, you're not." "Good." "iI'm sure things will get better." "That's easy for you to say." "You're not the one who just both a one-way ticket to Lonely-ville." "No... but i do understand." "dr." "Schrock says we should take risks, but... how can i take a risk when there's no one to take a risk with?" "I'll help you." "You'll what?" "I'll help you take that risk." "Where's the styling mousse?" "Bottom shelf." "Talcum powder?" "Under the sink." "Mouthwash?" "In the medicine cabinet." "Mop?" "Never mind." "Let's go." "Nobody walk barefoot in the bathroom." "Come on." "We're gona be late." "How do i look?" "Like a real hunk." "A hunk of what?" "Come on." "We have to go." "No really, a hunk of what?" "Okay, the coast is clear." "Come on!" "I thought she lived alone." "How come she has all these rooms?" "This is where Jody lives." "Ih, I still think I should have brought her something, you know." "Some flowers, some candy... a rambo doll." "Alf you don't have to bring her anything." "You mean you gals don't care about those sort of things?" "We care a lot, but it's too late." "Maybe not." "Let me see what's Willie got in this coat?" "Oh my gosh, it's somebodies hand!" "It's a glove." "I'll be back at 9 o'clock, sharp." "Nine, right." " Sharp!" " Sharp." "What ever you do... don't let her know you're an alien." "Alright already!" "Okay, bye." "Bye." "Nine sharp." "Not an alien." "Nine sharp." "Not an alien." "Who is it?" "Not an alien." "I mean, oh... it's Alf!" "It's me." "Alf, hi!" "I'm Jody." "It's a pleasure to meet you." "Oh, please, you don't have to bow." "Hey, nice place you have here." "In case you were wondering." "Thank you." "I decorated it myself." "In case you were wondering." "Shall we sit down?" "Oh, good idea." "There's a chair in front of you." "I wondered what that was." "Would you like some shrimp hors d'oeuvres?" "Shrimp or what?" "Hors d'oeuvres." "It's a tough choice." "I'll go with the shrimp." "I get it, shrimp or deuvres!" "Cat hairs." "Oh, I'm so embarrassed." "I thought I got them all." "Persian...'78." "Could be a '79." "You'll probably be covered with hair, by the time you leave." "Oh, hey, I'm used to it." "Oh, tasty vittles!" "Oh, good." "Well I was worried you wouldn't like it." "Nowadays you don't know what to make." "You never know what people would eat." "Some people won't eat red meat, some won't eat sugar, some won't eat fried foods or derry products." "Thanks, they were delicious!" "There you go." "Were?" "I'm glad you enjoyed them." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Did you want some?" "Actualy, I'm too nervous to eat." "I eat when I'm nervous." "You're nervous too?" "Of course, I also eat when I'm not nervous." "I eat when I'm depressed." "I eat when I'm bored." "I eat when I'm lonely." "I eat all the time." "I'm a little over weight." "I'm short." "I'm blind." "You win!" "How about some music?" "The stereo is to your right." "Thanks." "If you hadn't said anything," "I might have played the lamp." "What would you like to hear?" "Oh, anything by the Archies or the Partridge family." "I don't have any of those." "Well then, just stick on anything by the Chipmunks." "Alf!" " There's someone calling you." " Where?" "Alf, I'm blind, but I'm not deaf." "Alf, come on!" "It's Cathy Rigby, isn't it?" "No, it's the girl I'm living with." " What?" " It's not what you think." "She's only sixteen years old." "It's worse than I thought." "Alf!" "Alf my parents are going to catch us!" "Yeah, yeah, coming!" "I know this doesn't sound good but..." "I can explain everything." "Just tell me the truth." "The whole truth." "I can't tell you the whole truth." "Actually," "I can't tell you any of it." "Except one thing." "I really care about you." "I care about you too, Alf." "And I'm asking you to trust me." "Well you're asking an awful lot." "I know I am." "But remember what dr." "Schrock said," ""Sometimes you have to take a chance."" "But it seems that I'm taking the bigger chance then you are." "You have no idea." "Alf, Alf!" "Yeah, in a second." "Jody, are you willing to take a chance on me?" "Yes." "Good." "Then let me ask you something." "Alf, we've got to leave right now!" "So, how about it?" "Sounds good." "Good night, Alf." "Good night, Jody." "We made it!" "Oh my gosh, the bathroom is a mess!" "Hi!" "You're late." "Sorry we had to make a little stop along the way." "Yeah, we thought about what you said before, about wanting a friend." "So, here." "This is Sparky." "You got me a rat." "Nice gesture." "It's a hamster." "Same genus, different species." "They taste exactly alike." "I'll take it back tomorrow." "Tonight!" "Come on, Brian, let's get you to bed." "Hi, everybody." "The bathroom is clean." "Great!" "You know, Lynn..." "I'll never forget what you've done for me tonight." "The important thing is that it's over." "Yeah, at least until saturday." "Saturday?" "Guess who's coming to dinner?"