"All right, so I'm Kim, a 15-year-old queer virgin obsessed with my best friend." "But it gets worse." "Nathan chucked Stella out because the whore gave him crabs." "Now he's suicidal and I'm being stalked by Tom, the sexually frustrated son of our gay neighbours." "Is this a bad time ?" "For the first time in a long time, I had something to smile about." "Nobody could take that kiss away." "Guillaume also said..." "What ?" "That he'd really like to see two women kissing." "Ha !" "He's so dirty." "I love him." "Who cares if it was achieved by devious means ?" "It was better than I could have dreamt, and let's face it, I've dreamt about it a lot." "Nobody was gonna destroy my euphoria." " Good morning." " Is it ?" "And who cares if they're dysfonctional ?" "Morning." "Who cares if he's a stalker ?" "It's a lovely day, isn't it ?" "Sugar had shaken my world." "She'd have to feel the same." "What do you think ?" "I mean, it can get quite cold out there." "Out where ?" "Paris." " Paris ?" " I'm going to stay with Guillaume." "What makes you think that he'll want you ?" "He said he loved me, you heard him." ""Goodbye, my little angel." Oh..." "This is what is commonly known as getting your comeuppance." "Getting stuffed yet again." "Shoogs, come on, think about it." "What about your mum ?" "Oh, she won't even notice." "What about your GCSEs ?" "Are you feeling OK ?" "No." "I felt sick to the pit of my stomach." "I was about to lose the girl I loved to a man who thought she was a whore." " You hardly know him." " Kim, he gave me a multiple orgasm." "I think I know him well enough." "So, what about phone sex ?" "Duh." "You have to do all the hard work yourself." "OK." "Now wait here." "I'm going to go inside to get a dictionary for when I take my wedding vows." "Surely things couldn't get more tragic." "Only walking the dog." "Stalking me." "You desperate sod." "I bought Vanessa this new lead." "It's retractable." "That's nice." "Kim, run !" "Someone's birthday, is it ?" " Yeah, mine." " Sign this, will you ?" "Got a secret admirer ?" "Stalking me.We all want to be wanted." "Sugar, please." "Wait." "He doesn't like you." " Of course he does !" " I translated some stuff wrong." "Oh, your French is fine !" "Deliberately did it wrong." "He called you "putain", remember ?" "Yes, it means angel." "Not exactly." " Well, whatever." " Shoogs, please." "Just look it up, OK ?" "Are you jealous because I'm actually doing something with my life and you're not ?" "The dictionnary." "OK." "Fine." "That garlic-eating wanker !" "That's the worst thing about being rejected." "You always want to get revenge." "You see, when you get married, you'll know not to make the mistakes that I've made." "For a start, don't trust a woman." "Ever." "About anything." "Cause she's bound to be lying." "Check her mobile phone bills, check her diary." "If she seems happy, assume the worst." "Question her at every available opportunity." "Ideally, you should stop her from leaving the house at all." "You've missed out the T." "Those who have the power to hurt you are the ones you want the most." "No matter how many times they do it, you still come back for more." "Does he think if he follows you enough, you'll give in ?" " Going inside ?" " No." "We're forming a chorus of singing nuns." "What do you think we're doing ?" "One, two, three." "Ah , ha , ha." "Fucking him felt so good." "What if that's as good as it gets ?" "What if I never get it that good again ?" "Fuck." "Oh, another double vodka and orange, please." "Oh , I bet he's with some stupid French bird with hairy arm pits," " garlic breath, giving him a crap blow job ." " Definitely." "Do you think my tits are too small ?" " Your tits are great." " Huh ?" "Your tits are great !" "How can someone who makes you feel so great be so wrong ?" " I know what you mean ." " How do you know what I mean?" "Well , it's like Stella and Nathan, isn't it ?" "They're so wrong but it works." "I am totally off men ." "What do you reckon ?" "Complete sex goddess ?" " More like care in the community." " Oy !" "Here." "Mmm." "That feels nice." "Maybe you're looking in all the wrong places for the wrong type of person." "When really you could find someone who's nice." "Someone you can talk to." "Yeah." "And how many blokes around here do you know who are interested in conversation ?" "I don't know." "There must be some kind of people who are quiet and..." " sensitive." " Mm." " Aren't they gay ?" " There's nothing wrong with that." "Look." "I'm not looking for someone to sit and watch movies with." "I want someone to fuck." " Right." "Who am I going to go for, then ?" " Shoogs." "He's nice." "Oh." "No arse, though." "Ooh , he's allright." "Can you just stop obsessing about men all the time ?" "Why ?" "What else is there ?" " I get bored watching you." " Well, you can join in, you know." "God, what's your problem ?" "I just don't understand." "What ?" "Just go and get laid." "See if I care." "Kizzer !" "I'd had my moment." "I'd had my kiss." "That was as good as it was ever gonna get." "The trouble is when you have a feeling that good, you want the world to know." "Faster !" "Whoooo !" "You want it to go on for ever and the last thing you want to do is give it up." "I wanted Sugar to know." "She had to know." "It was time to end the lies." "S ugar." "Shoogs, it's me." "Kiz." "Look, I'm..." "I'm really sorry I shouted at you." "It's just..." "There's something I need to tell you." "About me." "Me and you." "Shit." "This is... it's gonna sound mental." "It is mental." "Sugar..." "I love you." "Listen, I'm fucked." "What are you doing ?" "I used to think it was bad to get so drunk that you lost your memory." "Hi, Kim." "Now I'm beginning to see that it does have some advantages." "Have a good day." "We were all paying the price for choosing the wrong person." " You're gonna have to deal with this, babe." " I know, I know." "I can't even see the telly." "The match is on tonight." "I'll sort it." "Can you give me a hand ?" "Well, help you sort through your sordid past ?" "No, thanks." "I mean, it's all just flashes, you know." "Of what happened ." "But I must try and remember." "You should see some of the marks on me." "He must have had me swinging from the lampshade." "Sorry." "It's OK babe, you're amazing." "Take me." "It was like someone had ripped out my insides and replaced them with pure unadulterated pain." "Ooh." "Hello." "Oh, hi, Tom." "So you can make it, then ?" "Eight o'clock, yeah ?" "OK." "See you at eight." "Guillaume can kiss my ass." "Mmm." "Oh, my God." "But we're talking about Tom." "When I said sensitive, I meant someone nice." "Not some sad, wet, pathetic loser." "Oh, he is nice." " He's a real gentleman." " I thought you said you couldn't remember anything." " I remember him holding back my hair." " What ?" "When I was puking." "I mean, what sort of bloke does that ?" "I've got to go." "Wait, no !" "I need your help with this." "Kim !" "I could cope with the bloke she picked up in the pub, I could cope with the bloke from France but to choose Tom over me !" "Why would anyone do that?" "Come on, Vanessa." "What I did next I'm not proud of." "But this date just couldn't happen." "You wait here." "OK ?" "There's a good girl." "Desperate times call for desperate measures." "Good girl, Vanessa." "Turns out a dog can also be a girl's best friend." "Vanessa !" "Have you seen her ?" "Vane - ssa !" "Come on." "Vanessa." "All right, so kidnapping a dog was a bit extreme, but I just couldn't stand the thought of anybody else getting their hands on what was rightfully mine." "Love makes you blind to the world around you." "Matt." "Love makes you do the strangest things." "I like you the best, Dad." "That is the last time I listen to you." " He cancelled on you, then ?" " At five to eight !" "Do you know what nice guys are ?" "Tedious, overrated and full of shit ?" "Wankers." "But, yeah, that'll do." "Do you want take in the view and down a bottle of cheap vodka ?" "Absolutely." "V anessa." "Vanessa !" "The thing is, Matt..." "You see, being angry is, er... is normal and, um... and good." "But people ,they, um..." "Just because they do these things, it doesn't mean that, um..." "What I'm trying to say to you is that, um..." "Mum's not a whore ?" "Yeah." "Yeah, that's it, exactly." "Does that mean we've got to repaint my room ?" "Yeah." "Can it be pink ?" "In the end, of course, the truth has to come out." " And he was a crap shag." " I thought you said..." "Yeah, well, that was before I remembered what really happened." "Because, um... the trombone is a very complicated instrument." "Thanks..." "And..." "And, you know, despite what everyone says, me playing it doesn't make me a twat." "See, most people... they think that the trombonist moves the slide just with his wrist." "But really, it's these two fingers... that... that give you those extra couple of inches... to..." "Oh !" "Oh." " Aha." " I'm sorry." "I don't know why you thought sensitive guys were such a good idea." "Maybe that's because that's what you go for." "Uhh..." "Yeah..." "No." "Oh, but he's so sensitive and so quiet." "And so square." "Just like you, Kimmy." "If you could put up with the premature ejaculators, you two would be a match made in heaven." " He is not, absolutely not the type I go for." " Mmm." "So why have you been weird all day ?" "Maybe it's cos you're jealous." "I so do not like him." "Well, maybe you like me, then." "What ?" "Nothing." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "You..." "You fancy me." "I've... gotta... go." "Synchronization and corrections Allenmcbeal" "Tracklist :" ""Do You Realize ?", The Flaming Lips "Angel Interceptor", Ash" ""Melt", Leftfield "Sunrise", Pulp "Thinking About Tomorrow", Beth Orton" ""Knock On Wood", Amii Stewart "Serenade", Emiliana Torrini "Gentle Piece", Craig Armstrong" ""Little Bird", Marianne Faithful "Today has been OK", Emiliana Torrini"