"You wanted me, Doctor?" " Have you seen Mrs. Vogler...?" " No, not yet." "Then I'll tell you about her... and why you are to look after her." "She's an actress and played in the last performance of "Electra"." "She stopped dead in the middle of a scene... and was silent for a minute." "Afterwards, she apologized..." "and said she had got the giggles." "Next day she did not come to rehearsal." "The housekeeper found her still in bed." "She was awake, but didn't speak or move." "She has been like this for 3 months... and has had every possible test." "She seems to be quite healthy:" "...mentally and physically." "Not even a hysterical reaction." "Is there nothing you want to ask?" "Then you can go in to Mrs. Vogler." "How do you do, Mrs. Vogler." "I am Siter Alma." "I shall be looking after you." "I am twenty-five and engaged to be married." "I graduated from nursing school two years ago." "My parents have a farm." "Mother was also a nurse." "I'll go and get the dinner tray." "." "Another pillow?" "Is that comfy?" "What is your first impression?" "I don't know what to say, Doctor." "At first her face seems so gentle." "Then you look at her eyes..." "She looks so mean." " Perhaps I'd better not..." " What were you going to say?" "Maybe I'd better give up this case." "Did something frighten you?" "Not exactly, but perhaps Mrs. Vogler should have a nurse with more experience." "I may not be able to cope with her." "In what way?" " Mentally." " Mentally?" "If she won't speak or move because she decides not to," " which it must be if she isn't ill." " And?" "Then it shows she has great strength." "I may not be equal to it." "I thought you might like to look at the twilight." "Shall I turn on the radio?" "I think there is a play." "Forgive me, my darling oh, you must forgive me." "Your forgiveness is all I crave..." "What are you laughing at?" "Is the actress so funny?" "What do you know about compassion?" "!" "What do you know about compassion?" "!" "I don't know much about acting, Mrs. Vogler." "I like the theatre, but I don't go very often." "I have a tremendous admiration for artists." "I think it is terribly important especially for people with problems." "I shouldn't talk to you like that, should I?" "I'll try and find some music." "Is that all right?" "Good night, Mrs. Vogler." "Sleep well." "Damn it!" "How strange..." "You can go about as you please do almost anything you like." "I'll marry Karl-Henrik, and we'll have children." "That's all settled." "It's all inside me." "It's nothing to worry about." "It's a nice safe feeling." "Then I have work I like." "That's another good thing." "Though in a different way." "But it's good..." "It's good." "It's good." "I wonder just what's wrong with her." "Elisabeth Vogler." "Elisabeth." "Would you like to open the letter, Mrs. Vogler?" "Shall I read it?" "Shall I read it aloud to you?" ""Dearest Elisabeth," ""Since you won't let me see you, I'm writing." ""If you don't want to read my letter, you needn't." ""But I can't help seeking this contact with you..." ""since I am tormented by a question:" ""Have I wronged you in some way?" ""Have I hurt you without knowing it?" ""Has some awful misunderstanding come between us?"" "Do you really want me to go on?" ""As far as I know, we were happy." ""I don't think we've ever been..." ""so close to each other."" ""Do you remember you said:" ""Only now do I understand what marriage is." ""You have taught me..."" "I can't make it out..." ""You have taught me..."" ""You have taught me to look at each other..." ""...as if we were shy children," ""full of kindness and good resolutions," ""but ruled by forces..."" ""ruled by forces..." ""which we can only partly control."" ""Do you remember saying all that?" ""We'd gone for a walk in the woods." ""..and you suddenly grabbed my belt."" "There's a photograph enclosed." "A snapshot of your son." "I don't know whether..." "Do you want it, Mrs. Vogler?" "He looks awfully nice!" "Elisabeth, there's no point in your staying in the hospital." "Since you don't want to go home," "I suggest that you and Sister Alma go to my summer place by the sea." "No?" "I understand all right." "The hopeless dream of "being"... ..not seeming, but "being"." "At every waking moment, alert." "The gulf between what you are with others...and what you are alone." "The vertigo and the constant hunger to be appeased." "To be seen through, and perhaps even wiped out." "Every inflexion and every gesture a lie ...every smile a grimace." "Suicide?" "No." "Too vulgar." "But you can... refuse to move.." "refuse to talk." "..so that you don't have to lie." "You can shut yourself in, on peut s'enfermer en soi." "Then you needn't play any parts or make wrong gestures." "..or so you thought." "But reality is diabolical." "Your hiding-place isn't watertight." "Life trickles in from the outside." "And you're forced to react." "No one asks if it is true or false.." "..if you're a genuine or just a sham." "Such things matter only in the theatre..." "and hardly there either." "I understand, Elisabeth." "I understand why you don't speak, why you don't move why you've created a part for yourself out of apathy." "I understand and I admire." "You should go on with this part until it is played out until it loses interest for you." "Then you can leave it.." "...just as you've left all your other parts one by one." "So Mrs. Vogler and Sister Alma move out to the country." "The change agrees very well with the actress." "The paralyzing apathy gives way to long walks fishing trips, cooking, letter-writing...and other diversions." "Alma likes her rustic seclusion... and takes good care of her patient." "That carries misfortune to compare its hands." "Elisabet?" "can I read you something?" "I do not get out of order?" "It is written: "All anxiety" ""that we carry in us, all our opposed dreams," ""incomprehensible cruelty, our fear of disappearing," ""terrible concept of our condition" ""slowly eroded our hope of hello in another world." ""the cry of our faith and our doubts in the night" ""is one of the most terrible evidence of our abandonment" ""and of our terrified and unexpressed knowledge."" "That do you say some?" "I do not agree." "To change..." "The worst at home, it is that I am lazy." "That gives me bad conscience." "Karl-Henrik would like me more ambitious." "It says that I live like a sleepwalker." "It is unjust." "I left first my promotion." "It wants to say another thing." "You know..." "Oh, forgiveness." "do You know with what I think sometimes?" "A the hospital, there is an old people's home reserved to the nurses, those which always lived only for their work." "They have a small room." "Ah, to devote its life to only one thing" "I want to say to believe, to carry out something." "Croire that its life has a direction." "I like this idea." "to be held to with it obstinately, without conditions." "One should live thus." "To count for the others." "You do not find?" "I know that that has the puerile air, but I believe in it." "My God, it rains with pours!" "Oh yes." "It was married." "We were lovers five years." "Then it was wearied, of course." "I was very in love." "And it was my first." "I remember it like long torment." "Of long painful episodes and short moments..." "I think of it because you learned how to me to smoke." "It smoked enormously." "With the proper perspective, I think that it is a true novel of station." "Oddly, that never really existed." "I do not know how to describe that." "I really did not exist for him." "But my sorrow was quite real." "It is as if it formed part of all that painfully." "As if that were to occur thus." "Same what we say ourselves." "One often says to me that I can listen." "It is funny, not?" "One never really listened to me." "Like you, you me listenings now." "You are the first nobody who listens to me." "That should not be interesting." "You could read in the place." "I give that!" "I do not irritate you?" "It is pleasant to speak." "That made hot in the heart." "I had never felt that of all my life." "I always wanted to have a sister." "But I have seven brothers." "It is funny, I am the last." "I was always surrounded boys." "I like the boys." "You must know that, with your experiment of actress." "I hold much in Karl-Henrik." "But, you know, one likes only one time." "I am faithful for him." "With my trade, one has occasions, you know." "Karl-Henrik and me went to the sea." "It was in June, it had only us there." "One Karl-Henrik day went downtown and me, with the beach." "It made very beautiful, very hot." "There was another girl." "It came from an island but had chosen our beach which was directed in the south and was relaxed." "We lay, naked, coast at coast." "We slept, then we put sun oil." "Us portions both a cheap straw hat." "Mine was decorated of a blue ribbon." "I looked through my hat, admiring the landscape, the sea and the sun." "They was very curious." "Suddenly, I live two silhouettes behind the rocks." "They hid and observed us." ""Two boys look at us", say I to Katarina, my neighbor." ""Lets look at them", says it while being put on the back." "It was a very strange feeling." "I wanted to run to put my shirt, but I remained motionless, on the belly, the buttocks with the air, by no means constrained and completely calms." "And Katarina were beside me, with its centres and its thick thighs." "Motionless, it gloussait a little with the catch one." "I live that the boys had approached and looked at us." "They were terribly young." "Then one of two, the most courageous, approached and is squatted beside Katarina." "It made mine be occupied playing with its foot in sand." "I felt very funny." "Suddenly, I intended Katarina to say:" ""Why don't you come?"" "Then it took the hand to him and helped it to strip itself." "Abruptly, it was on it." "It helped it to penetrate it by holding the buttocks to him." "the other boy sat down and looked at them." "I heard Katarina murmur and laugh." "the face of the boy was close to the mien." "It very red and was inflated." "I put abruptly on the back and say to him: "And me?"" "Katarina says to him: "Goes on it."" "It was withdrawn from it and... it fell on me, very hard." "It caught one of my centres." "That made me very badly!" "I was ready and I wines immediately.You include/understand that?" "I was going to say: "Pay attention that I do not fall pregnant", when it came." "I felt..." "I had never felt before this way of spreading its seed in me." "It caught my shoulders and was cambered." "I wines still and still." "Katarina was on the side, looking at us and holding the back to him." "When it came, it intertwined it and masturbated with its hand." "And when it came, it shouted like insane." "Then one started to laughing all the three." "One called the other boy, sitted on the slope." "It was called Peter." "It arrived, constrained, trembling of cold in spite of the sun." "Katarina peeled off its trousers and played with him." "When it enjoys, it took it in its mouth." "It leaned and the back embraced to him." "It was turned, took the head to him and its chest offered to him." "Then the other boy and me, we started again." "It was like the first time." "Then one swam and one separated." "When I returned, Karl-Henrik was already there." "We dined and drank the red wine which it had brought." "Then we made love." "That was never also good, neither front nor afterwards." "do You include/understand that?" "Obviously, I fell pregnant." "Karl-Henrik, which studies medicine, made me fall through by a friend." "We were happy, we did not want a child." "Step at this time, in any case." "That does not have any direction." "Nothing of all that is coherent." "After, one has bad conscience for details." "You include/understand?" "Which does become all it in what one believes?" "isn't necessary?" "can one be only one and even nobody at the same time?" "I, was I want to say two people?" "My God, I am ridiculous..." "I do not have any reason to put myself at pleurnicher." "I will seek a handkerchief." "It is almost the morning... and it always rains." "I spoke without me to stop." "I spoke and you listened to me." "You had to annoy you!" "In what can my life interest you?" "It would be necessary to be like you." "You know what I thought after having seen your film, the other evening, by seeing me in the mirror?" ""We are similar."" "You are much prettier, but we resemble each other in a direction." "I believe that I could become you." "If I made of it really the effort." "I want to say, inside." "You, you could become me of a wink." "But your heart would be too much large and would overflow of everywhere!" "You should go to lay down you or you will fall asleep on the table." "Yes, I should go to lay down me." "Or I will fall asleep here." "That would not be comfortable." "Good night." "Say, Elisabet..." "You did this night speak to me?" "did You come to see me?" "I do your mail take too?" "can I drink?" "Goodbye." "Dear friend, I would like to live always thus." "silence, loneliness, this feeling which the maltreated heart finally starts again to rectify." "Alma spoils me in a way completely moving." "I think that it has fun and that it has friendship for me, and even of the love, an unconscious and adorable way." "I have fun to study it." "It cries sometimes over old sins, a episodical orgy with a strange boy which ended in an abortion." "It complains not to follow its principles." "I see that you read a part." "It is good sign, I will say it to the doctor." "should Us return, not?" "I mist the city,a little." "Step with you?" "do you Want to really please to me?" "356 00:46:50,840 -- 00:46:54,196 It is a sacrifice, but I need your assistance." "That does not have anything dangerous:" "I want that you speak to me" "Nothing special." "Of anything, our dinner of this evening, if water is cold after the storm, too cold to swim there." "let us speak only a few minutes." "That one minute." "Lily a passage of your book." "Just some words." "I should not be annoyed." "You remainders quiet, that looks at you." "But I require that you speak to me." "Dear lady, cannot you say only one word?" "I knew that you would refuse." "You are unaware of what I feel." "I thought that the artists felt of the compassion for the others." "That they created thanks to their humanity and their desire to be useful" "I was really stupid!" "You were useful yourself of me." "But you do not need more me, then you throw me." "Yes, I hear!" "I hear how much that sounds false." "You were useful yourself of me, and you throw me." "Each word!" "And these glasses!" "You really wounded me." "You made fun of me in my back." "I read your letter for the doctor." "It was not closed!" "And I read it thoroughly." "You made me speak and statement of the intimate thing" "And you tell it." "Which subject of study, hein?" "You are not..." "Maintenant you will speak!" "what you have to say, I advise you..." "Not, stops!" "You really were afraid, hein?" "You were afraid, one moment, it is no a real fear of dying, hein?" "You said yourself: "Alma is insane."" "Which woman are you actually?" "Or you say you: "I will not forget this face, this intonation." I will give you something which you will never forget." "That does make you laugh, hein?" "It is not so simple for me." "Ni if amusing." "You at least, you have your laughter." "does It have inevitably to be thus?" "Is it really significant not to lie, of saying the truth, to find the intonation right?" "can one live without speaking freely?" "To lie and deviate from the things and to avoid them." "is not this better to agree lazy, to be neglected and lying." "Peut-être improves one while being authorized with being oneself." "Not, you do not include/understand." "You do not include/understand what I say." "You are inaccessible." "they say to you balanced, but your madness is the worst." "You cheeks so well balance that everyone believes you." "Except me which know how much you are rotted." "What do I make?" "Elisabet!" "Elisabet, forgives me." "I was idiot, I do not know what took to me." "I am here to help you." "But there was this dreadful letter." "I was disappointed so much." "You asked me to speak to you about me." "It was good." "You looked me with compassion, I had drunk and... it was pleasant to speak about all that." "I was as flattered as a large actress condescends to listen to me." "And I said myself that it would be well if that could be useful to you." "They are dreadful?" "It is right exhibitionnism." "Elisabet, I ask you to forgive me." "I love you so much, you count so much for me." "I do not want that we separate into enemy." "You do not want to forgive me." "You are too proud!" "You will not drop because that is useless for you." "I do not want!" "I do not want!" "We do not speak... do not listen... do not include/understand..." "Elisabet?" "When you sleep, your face is flask." "Your mouth is inflated and ugly." "You have an unpleasant wrinkle on the face." "You feel the sleep and the tears." "I can see your pulse beating in your throat." "there you have a scar which you make up the day." "Elisabet!" "It still calls." "I will see what he wants us." "Here, far, so far in our loneliness." "Elisabet?" "Elisabet?" "Forgive me, if I frightened you." "I am not Elisabet." "I do not claim anything." "I did not want to disturb you." "I include/understand you, you know." "the doctor explained me." "the most difficult is to explain to small." "I do my better." "There is something of deep, difficult to seize." "One loves somebody, or rather one says to love somebody, it is..." "That is included/understood, it is tangible like the words." "Mr. Vogler, I am not your wife." "And one is liked in return, one builds a community." "That generates safety." "Alors that becomes bearable." "How to say all it to what I thought, without me to lose, without you to annoy?" "I love you." "As much as front." "Not, would not be also anxious, my darling." "We are two." "We have confidence, we know our thoughts." "We like." "It, isn't this is true?" "the most significant, it is the effort, not the success, not?" "We are tormented children, without defense, only." "Dis to small that mom will return soon." "Mom is sick, but it misses its little boy." "Thinks of buying a gift to him." "On behalf of its mom, does not forget." "I have such an amount of tenderness for you!" "It is almost insupportable." "I can only make of all this tenderness." "It is your tenderness which makes me live." "Elisabet, are you well with me?" "is pleasant?" "You are a marvellous lover, you know it." "My darling..." "Anaesthesia me..." "Get rid of me!" "I cannot any more!" "I do not support it any more!" "Leaves me!" "It is a shame!" "All is only shame." "Leaves me!" "I cold and am rotted and indifferent!" "Whole that is only lies and imitation." "All!" "Elisabet... which do you hold there?" "Which do you hide under your hand?" "Let see me." "It is the photograph of your little boy whom you had torn." "We must speak about it." "Speaks to me about that, Elisabet." "Alors I will do it." "It with a festival is isn't one evening?" "It is late, there is noise." "About the morning, somebody in the group known as:" ""Elisabet, you have all that a woman, an artist can wish," ""but you miss maternity."" "You laugh because that seems to you ridiculous" "But then, you remarks that you reconsider there." "That worries you more and more." "You leashes your husband to make you a child." "You want to be mother." "That becomes irrevocable, then you take fear." "Fear of this responsibility,fear of being connected, to have to leave the theatre." "Fear of the pain, fear of death, fear of your body which swells." "But you cheeks your role." "the role of a future mother,young person and happy." "Everyone known as:" ""It is superb." "It was never also beautiful."" "Meanwhile, you try to remove you from the foetus." "But you fail." "When that becomes irreversible,you start to hate the baby." "And to hope that he is still-born child." "You hope for the death of your baby." "You hope to have a baby still-born child." "the childbirth is long and difficult." "You suffer during days." "Lastly, the baby left to the forceps." "Disgusted and terrorized by this vagissant baby, you murmurs:" ""can't you die quickly?" "Can't you die?"" "But it survives." "the baby cries day and night." "And you hate it." "You are afraid, you have bad conscience." "Lastly, a nurse takes the child in load." "You can leave your bed and turn over to the theatre." "But you did not finish suffering." "the child is caught of an immense and unsoundable love for his/her mother." "You defend yourself." "You defend yourself with despair." "You feel that you cannot return to him." "And you test, you test..." "But your meetings remains awkward and cruel." "You do not arrive there." "You are cold and indifferent." "It looks at you." "It loves you and it is so nice!" "It is always after you, you want to strike it." "It is repugnant to you with his large mouth and its ugly body, its eyes wet and begging." "It is repugnant to you and frightens you." "Which do you hide under your hand?" "Let see me." "It is the photograph of your little boy whom you had torn." "We must speak about it." "Speaks to me about that, Elisabet." "Alors I will do it." "It is isn't one evening, with a festival?" "It is late, there is noise." "About the morning, somebody in the group known as" ""Elisabet, you have all that a woman, an artist can wish," ""but you miss maternity."" "You laugh because that seems to you ridiculous." "But then, you remarks that you reconsider there." "That worries you more and more." "You leashes your husband to make you a child." "You want to be mother." "That becomes irreversible, then you take fear." "Fear of this responsibility, fear of being connected, to have to leave the theatre." "Fear of the pain, fear of death, fear of your body which swells." "But you cheeks your role." "the role of a future mother, young person and happy." "Everyone known as: "It is superb." ""It was never also beautiful."" "Meanwhile, you try to remove you from the foetus." "But you fail." "When you understand that it is irreversible, you start to hate the baby." "And you hope that he will be still-born child." "You hope for the death of your baby." "You hope to have a baby still-born child." "the childbirth is long and difficult." "You suffer during days." "Lastly, the child left to the forceps." "Disgusted and terrorized by your vagissant baby, you murmurs:" ""can't you die quickly?" "Can't you die?"" "the baby cries day and night." "And you hate it." "You are afraid, you have bad conscience." "Lastly, a nurse takes care of the child." "You can leave your bed and take again the theatre." "But you did not finish suffering." "the child is caught of an immense and unsoundable love for his/her mother." "You defend yourself hopelessly." "You feel that you cannot return to him." "And you test, you test..." "But your meetings remains awkward and cruel." "You do not arrive there." "You are cold and indifferent." "It looks at you." "It loves you and it is so nice!" "It is always after you, you want to strike it." "It is repugnant to you with his large mouth and its ugly body, its eyes wet and begging." "It is repugnant to you and frightens you." "Not!" "I am not like you." "I do not have the same feelings." "I am Alma, nurse." "Arrival to help you." "I am not Elisabet Vogler.You are Elisabet Vogler." "I would like to have..." "I like..." "I do not have..." "I learned much." "We will see how long I hold." "I will be never like you!" "I change perpetually." "Do what you want, you do not reach me any more." "Parler does not help." "a light which tears." "a way of being different." "Step now, not." "Not, not." "One knows, one is out of time." "the unforeseen one." "When that was to arrive, that did not arrive, therefore failure." "Yourself where you are." "But I should do it." "Step towards the interior, not." "To link and advise the others." "the inconsolable ones, perhaps..." "For example, yes... but which is closest..." "Comment is that called?" "Not, not, not..." "Us, one, me, I..." "So much of words, such a nausea... incomprehensible Pain." "To throw..." "Tries to listen to me now." "Repeats after me." "Nothing." "Nothing." "Not, nothing." "Nothing." "It is that." "It is well." "Thus it must be."