"Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the unexplained." "Anomaly #54: "The Mailbox."" "There it is, in the middle of the forest." "No house." "No address." " Today, me and my team of expert..." " Sup." "...are gonna put a letter in and see who picks it up." "My letter posits a salient question:" ""Sup dawg?"" "Now we're gonna hide behind a bush, and wait for someone to come by." " Whoa, dude!" " What the?" "!" "Did you see that?" " Open it." " No, you open it, dude." "I'm not touching a ghost mailbox." "Okay, okay." "Here goes." " What?" " That's not our letter, dude!" "It says..." " "Hello Dipper and Soos."" " It knows our names!" " What if this thing's all-knowing?" " We gotta test it." ""What did I shave into my head this morning?"" ""A baby duck holding a paddle ball."" " Dude!" "It knew!" " What?" "!" " Ask it more questions!" " When is the end of the world?" ""3012." Huh, we got a while." "Who's my dream woman?" "Whoa!" "Hot tamales!" "Save that one for the archives." "Uh... what is the exact time and date of my death?" " Did aliens build the pyramids?" " Or... what is the meaning of life?" " What are marshmallows made of?" " Or... who wrote journal #3?" "Who wrote the journal!" "Who wrote the journal!" "We're finally going to get the answer to the greatest" " mystery in Gravity Falls!" " Nifty, a mail box!" "I've been wanting to mail mom this video of me sticking 100 gummy worms up my nose!" " No, wait!" " Wait, dude!" "Slam!" ""Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me." "You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge." "The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass."" "What's that?" "!" "Well... uh... that concludes Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained." "Where we learned, when dealing with the unknown, do not mail videos of you shoving gummy worms up your nose!" "There's more where that came from!" "Into my nose!" "Into my nose!" "No!" "No!" "Show over!" "Show over!"