"And these pictures of Earth were taken from space?" "Yeah." "By satellite." "See that guy waving?" "That's your dad." "Really?" "[ALF CHUCKLES]" "What's that?" " Aah!" "Aah!" " Gotcha." "It took me four years and I finally got you." "What can I say?" "You've learned well, Grasshopper." "Congratulations." "Ha!" "What a maroon!" "Hello." "Am I glad to be home?" "Oh, sure, if you don't mind your son's going to inherit a dying world." "What have you done now?" "I was just showing Brian where the world's rainforests used to be." "You know, you guys are really doing a number on this planet." "If I were you, I wouldn't expect to get my security deposit back." "Were these free?" "[ALF LAUGHS]" "You wish." "You know, this has got me very worried, Willie." "Everything I read in the papers is bad news." "Oil spills, acid rain toxic dumping Zsa Zsa." "I know it sometimes looks pretty grim." "Oh, ha." "Face it." "Putting humans in charge of the Earth is the cosmic equivalent of letting Eddie Murphy direct." " You're up early." " I had trouble sleeping." "I heard something very disturbing last night." "ALF, when two people love each other" "Oh, relax." "I wasn't listening at your door." "It was something I heard on the radio." "[WILLIE SIGHS]" "I suppose I don't have to tell you what chlorofluorocarbons are doing to the Earth's atmosphere." "Although, I'd probably have to tell Kate." "You mean CFCs those man-made chemicals used in coolants which are responsible for destroying Earth's ozone layer?" "Those chlorofluorocarbons?" "Lucky guess." "Now spell "xylophone."" "We're gonna be here for quite a while, aren't we?" "The guy on the radio said this company called Sendrax is one of the nation's largest suppliers of CFCs." "And now you're sending a letter to the station to thank them." "Please, God, that's all it is." "This happens to be a letter to the head honcho of Sendrax." "A letter?" "Good for you." "Well, thank you." "Anyone care to read it?" "It's quite, quite, quite good." ""Dear Sendrax." "Manufacturing CFCs is a threat to the survival of the planet." "In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say it's wrong." "Damn wrong!" "So just knock it off."" "Very well-reasoned." "And the use of the glitter pen gives it a certain visual appeal." "Good luck." "Don't" " Don't encourage him." "Oh, Willie, it's one letter." "It's the same thing that we would do." "It always starts out harmlessly enough then we're left there, just left there scrambling for yet another mortgage." "He feels strongly about it." "And you know he's gonna do it anyway." "And another thing." "Besides destroying the ozone layer CFCs also contribute to, uh, the greenhouse effect which is heating up the Earth's atmosphere." "Now, I find this especially troublesome because...." "Well, I have a lot of hair." "HOST [OVER RADIO]:" "Right." "Uh, thank you, Gordon." "And remember, callers, today's topic is home health care for the elderly." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah." "I'm in favor of that, by the way." "HOST:" "Murray, I thought you were screening these calls." "ALF, you shouldn't be on the radio." "Well, TV tends to make my nose look large." "You got another letter from Sendrax." "Oh!" "Oh, I'm so excited." " Am I drooling?" " Thankfully, not yet." "Ah." ""Dear Mr. Shumway." "Thank you for your letter." "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." "We, too, are concerned about the environment."" "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." "Ugh." "Blown off again." "Maybe you should just drop it." "No, I can't sit idly by and watch another planet be destroyed." "That would make me 0 for three." " Three?" " Guy has to have some secrets." "I'm prepared to send thousands of letters." "Hundreds, if that's what it takes." ""Dear Sendrax." "You should stop making CFCs because as Gordon Shumway says 'There's no zone like the ozone.'" "Much love." "Marvin Hamlisch."" "There's a notation in my checkbook for a $300 payment to the post office." "Oh, oh, oh." "And you think I'm responsible, don't you?" "Because that's what the tone of your voice implies, mister." "And if you think you can just waltz in here and accuse me of" "Just admit it!" "ALF, why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "All right, all right." "I needed to send a thousand letters to Sendrax and I ran out of stamps after the first six." "I hope that clears up the matter." "Did it ever occur to you that when I tape my checkbook to the underside of my sock drawer it means I don't want you using it?" "Well, I'm not a mind reader." "Contrary to popular belief I do not exist merely to bankroll you." "So that's it, huh?" "You're cutting me off at the knees." "Consider yourself lucky." "Kate suggested a foot higher." "Ah." "She'd have to catch me first." "I knew it." "I knew this was gonna end badly." "Why are you always doing these things without asking me?" "Why are you always testing my limits?" "Why is this letter signed "Marvin Hamlisch"?" "Are they all signed "Marvin Hamlisch"?" "No, that would be stupid." "Every letter has a different name." "But all of them quote me on the radio." "See, that way Sendrax will think I've created a groundswell of support." "Shockingly clever, isn't it?" "[PHONE RINGING]" "If that's Barry Manilow, I'm not home." "Hello." "Yes." "Just a moment." "It's for you." "I'll try to keep it short." "You've been very understanding, by the way." "Hello." "Yeah, this is Gordon Shumway." "It's someone from Sendrax." "Oh, I feel so muy important." "Somehow, we've got to get you into therapy." "Uh-huh." "Uh-huh." "No, no, we haven't dropped the plans to go ahead with the consumer boycott." "[WHISPERS] I've got them scared." "A meeting?" "I don't think that would be possible." "A lawsuit?" "Uh...." "Would I be suing you or would you be suing me?" "I see." "It's for you." "[SOFTLY] Hello." "ALF, you have got to think, what did you say in those letters?" "Well, there were so many." "I don't recall any one underlying theme." "Does "threat, squat and run" mean anything to you?" "Well, maybe one underlying theme." "Oh, look at that, it's punishment time." "What did the lawyer say, Dad?" "He said he bills by the quarter-hour and that he generally discourages people from antagonizing corporations that have more resources than God." "Well, may I offer a few feeble words in my own defense?" "Thank you." "That company is doing bad things." "And I say we pick up their gauntlet and nail them to the wall." "Right, Brian?" "What?" "I'm sorry, what?" "It might not be such a bad idea to meet with Sendrax and beg for mercy." " No, in a dignified way, of course." " I never had to grovel." "Should I start on my knees or should I build up to it?" "Mr. Shumway?" "I'm sorry to keep you waiting." "I'm Steve Michaels." "It's nice to meet you." "As I was telling your secretary, my real name is Tanner." "Willie Tanner." "Oh, well, I can see why you changed it." "Mine's Stephanovich Miglorisky but Steve Michaels is much less ethnic, don't you think?" "WILLIE:" "Uh-huh." "Please." "Please." "Well, you've created quite a stir at the front office." "[MICHAELS CHUCKLES]" "That's why I'd like to take this time to tell you that we at Sendrax are very, very concerned about the environment." "Of course." "I'm sure you are." "Definitely." "That's good enough for me." "That's why we're joining other companies to stop the production of CFCs within the next 10 years." "WILLIE:" "Oh." "So you can see how mounting a campaign against us would be foolish, can't you?" "As foolish as our using our immense legal staff to stop you in court." "Not to mention costly." "Absolutely." "Foolish and costly." "And if you let me go...." "I mean, when I go I'm going to tell that to my supporters and I know you're not gonna have any more problems." "Excellent." "Excellent." "Then we're in agreement." "Great." "Great." "Hey, let me give you some souvenirs so you can walk away with something." "WILLIE:" "Okay." "Thanks." " Do you have any kids?" " Yeah." "Oh, yeah." "I've got three kids." "I...." "I have two, uh...." "I have two boys and, uh...." "[CHUCKLES]" "Great, they'll love this stuff." " There you go." " Thanks." "Thank you very much." "Well, thank you." "Thank you very much." "And goodbye." "It's always nice to meet someone who cares but doesn't get annoying about it." "Uh, ha, ha." "You know...." "You know what my kids would love more than any of this?" "They'd love to have some reassurance they're gonna be left an environment that's not been decimated by corporate indifference." "I don't really think that's all that much to ask, do you?" "How about a really nice fanny pack, instead?" "I can't guarantee they're gonna be left a world with any ozone layer or any rainforests or any living things at all for that matter." "You know, you can't just turn around in 50 years and say:" ""Uh-oh." "We made a mistake."" "Because who's gonna be there to hear it?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Michaels." "At the risk of angering your immense legal staff this problem isn't gonna go away just because you choose to ignore it." "Well said." "Very, very, well said." " I'm sorry." "I couldn't contain myself." " I admire that commitment." "That passion." "You're an articulate man, Gordon." "Frankly, we're always looking for just that kind of people around here." " Yeah." " Okay." "I'm going." "No." "There's an opening in public relations." "Of course, the money isn't bad." "I mean, 75 a year." "I'm just assuming from your suit that's more than you're making." "You're offering me a job?" "That includes Lakers season tickets, if you don't mind sitting courtside." "Nicholson yells a lot, but he knows a lot of fancy women." "Mr. Michaels, with all due respect, would you expect me to take a job with a company that's responsible for destroying...." "Would that be all the home games and the parking?" "You're a shrewd businessman." "I just wanna be clear." "ALF:" ""Sendrax:" "We Care."" "This stuff is way cool." "I can't believe it was free." "So you're considering his offer, aren't you?" "I know they're not the most socially conscious company but even so, it would give me a chance to try to affect some change from inside." "Uh-huh." "Oh, I see." "You're saying that realistically what kind of change could I affect in that position?" "No." "You're saying that it wasn't my eloquent speech it was just their way of buying me off?" "Willie, listen to me." "I'm not saying anything." "Kate, will you get off his back?" "You think I'm fooling myself, don't you?" "You think not only would I not be doing the right thing but that I'm selling out everything I believe in for $75,000 and a chance to meet Jack Nicholson." "Would you take the job, Willie?" "Then you could hire me as your assistant." "Together we can destroy the company from within." "ALF, please." "It's not without precedent." "Look at CBS." "If there's any chance that you can use your position to make a difference from inside the company don't you think you owe it to yourself to try?" "I mean, really try?" " What do you think, Kate?" " No, Willie." "No, this is your decision." "Well, what do you really think?" "Well, I was thinking about Earth Day." "Oh." "Yeah. 1970." "We organized that sit-in against that company that was polluting the bay." "They had just shampooed the carpets, we all got rashes and had to spend the night at the free clinic." "It was quite a sight." "Three hundred people from every walk of life chanting and scratching." "Who am I kidding?" "I'm not taking that job." "Oh, but I'm telling you, Willie we can crush that company in five days." "Three, if we work nights." "ALF, we'll beat them some other way." "Trust me." "All right, all right." "It'll do me good anyway to tell Michaels what he can do with his job." "Well, this time when you tell him off see if they have any jogging suits to go with my hat." "[INTERCOM BUZZES]" "SECRETARY [OVER INTERCOM]:" "Mr. Michaels, Mr. Shumway is here." "Fine." "Send him in." "Tanner." "It's Tanner." "Pete." "Michaels." "Yeah." "See if you can get me a tanning bed at 5:30." "I'm going to Saint-Tropez and I don't wanna look like the twin moons of Jupiter out there." "Okay." "Hey, Willie." "How's it going, bub?" "Mr. Michaels if you were doing something that was bad for you and somebody pointed it out that it was would it take you 10 years to stop doing it?" "Ah, well, before you go on, I should tell you you're talking to the wrong man." "I'm not gonna be shoved off on somebody else." "Did you know if you took the ozone layer and laid it on the ground it would only be about as thick as a piece of canvas?" "And holes larger than Antarctica have already been found in it." "And phytoplankton, that's the ocean's first step in the food chain can be destroyed by just a 10 percent increase in ultraviolet light?" "This isn't about skin cancer or cataracts it's about the end of the planet!" "Again, brilliantly spoken." "However, ha, ha." "As I tried to tell you earlier, I'm leaving." "The new management is bringing in fresh meat." "What?" "I'm sorry." "Oh, don't be." "Who cares?" "I don't." "You want these?" " Well, uh, how about these paper clips?" " No, thanks." "Oh, I insist." "Take them." "Go on, take anything." "I hate these people." "You need a phone?" "Say, uh, this isn't going to have quite the impact that I'd hoped but I'm not taking that job." "Uh-huh." "That's too bad." "Don't you care?" "Have you gotten so caught up in this corporate game that you've lost sight of what matters?" "Ah." "So you're taking this to a personal level." "People have to care." "Read your hat, man." "I've got an idea." "I think you're gonna like this." "It's gonna be fun." "Laurel, get me Jacobs at the Baton Rouge plant." "If it means anything, I'm getting out of CFCs." "I'm going to a company that makes textiles or textbooks or Tex-Mex." "I don't know." "[INTERCOM BUZZES]" "LAUREL [OVER INTERCOM]:" "Mr. Jacobs on line four." "These people think they can just kick my white butt out of here." "By this time next week, they're gonna have to turn me over to recognize me." "Rob?" "Hi, how's it going?" "That's good." "Great, great." "Listen, this just came down from the top." "At noon today, we're gonna stop making CFCs." "That's right." "Uh" " Stop thinking about yourself for a second." "They're bad for the environment." "We care about stuff like that, don't we?" "Read your hat." "See you at the picnic." "That's it?" "One phone call?" "Oh, they'll figure it out in a few days and start back up again." "Of course, um, if you were to call the media and tell them Sendrax had turned over a new leaf it might make it a little harder for them." "I could do that." "I almost worked in public relations once." "[BOTH CHUCKLE]" "You know, I'm not really a bad guy." "I care about things too." "I do." "Maybe not very deeply, but all the same, I love the outdoors." "And I think the Earth is just a great, great place." "Really, I mean that." "It is." "Yeah." " You play raquetball?" " Afraid not." "Thanks." "Uh, thanks for what you did." "Oh, hey, I was just happy to stick it to them." "Ha, ha." "Say, uh, there's just one thing I'd like to know." "Did you offer me that job because you thought I was right for it or was it just to keep me quiet?" "We came this far together." "Do you really wanna test our friendship?" "Thanks." "Thanks for the phone." "Oh, oh, here's another one." "Did you know that statistics prove if you turn the tap off when you brush your teeth you'd save 10 to 15 gallons of water every time?" "Did you know that statistics prove that those who ramble on and on long after they've been asked to stop are more prone to head injuries?" "Oh, ha!" "I can top that one." "Did you know that if everyone recycled just one-tenth of their newspaper we could save about 25 million trees every year." "Willie, would you get me the meat mallet?" "It's a good book, Kate." "It's got things in it that everyone can do." "Did you know that if every family planted one tree..." " ...we could replenish" " It's in the top drawer." "Look, we're recycling." "We're gonna boycott tuna, we're writing letters about the rainforest and you are driving me crazy." "But did you write those letters on recycled paper?" "That's it." "That's it." "I give up." "I give up!" "Luckily, she's got me here to remind her." "Hey, Willie, did you know that if we recycle aluminum cans we can cut related air pollution by 95 percent?" "Willie?" "[ENGLISH" " US" " SDH]"