"Previously on Boston Legal." "We know who took the boy." "He kidnapped a five-year-old two years ago." "Anything the F.B.I. or the police do, we have limitations." "What a private citizen does, however" " You're not going in there." " I will give you to the count of three." " If you do not unlock it" " I'm calling the police !" " One" " You can't come crashing in here !" " Two" " You wouldn't dare." " Three!" " Okay!" "[ All Screaming ]" " Nobody's arrested us... yet." " The F.B.I. won't." "I know that." "I think we saved our skin with the happy ending." "[ Speaking Spanish ]" "[ Women Chattering ]" "[ Buzzer Buzzing ]" "[ Women ] Hey, hey!" "[ Woman ] Get me out of here." "I'll take the blonde." "Melissa, what are we doing in jail?" "They're saying I tried to rob a bank." "I didn't." "I just smashed a window." " Ah." " And they, say, I'm a prostitute." " Which is ridiculous." " Back off, ho !" " What did you say,.?" " Come on." " Liz?" " Alan?" "Oh, my God!" "You just dropped off the side of the earth." "I was in a relationship." "But now I'm not." "You still at 1-800-LIZZIE?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa Hey, remember me?" "I'm in trouble here." "They arrested me?" " You're arresting me?" " Please put your arms behind your back, sir." " You gotta be kidding." " You have the right to remain silent." " I know my rights." " What's going on?" "They're arresting me for assaulting the priest." "And kidnapping and false imprisonment." "You have the right to" "Son, son." "This is the United States of America" "We don't really believe in Miranda anymore." " Let's go." " Hey, hey, hey." "Denny Crane." "I'll handle this internally." " This man is being charged with three felonies." " Understood." " But" " Denny Crane." " Come on." "Hey, hey, hey, hey." "Come on." "With all that's going on in the world today... who among us hasn't at least once wanted to take an ax to a priest?" " Come on." " What" "They're arresting him?" "And I gave it my best shot." " [ Funk ] - [ Man Vocalizing ]" "[ Continues ]" "[ Continues ]" "[ Ends ]" " So they're not pressing charges." " They're not pressing charges?" "If you make restitution for the window, they've agreed not to pursue" "No." "I'm sorry." "Did you say no?" "I'm not paying for their stupid window." "Forget it." " Melissa, you smashed it." " After what they've done to me." "Perhaps you should tell me exactly what they've done to you," "My credit card bills." "You're aware I have some, uh, fiscal issues?" " It's come up." " So a few months ago, I owe one amount." "The next month, it like triples." "So I stopped buying stutf." "Then the next month, it's even higher." "So I call the 800 number Not Lizzie." "And who answers but Miss Jones." "Yes." "From New Delhi, India." "Not Brighton, not Melrose." "India." " Surprise." "She's not terribly helpful, right?" " So far I'm on her side." "I talk to her supervisor who says I owe this money, plus more." "It doesn't make any sense." "I need to talk to someone in America Hello?" "So all I can get is an address for Prominence's main office in Wilming ton, Delaware." "Like I can afford to go there." "So I call them." "I get a local office." "I go there, and it's basically just a storefront." "With a big window." "[ Sighs ] I'm not paying for it." "You are paying for it." "And I wanna see those credit card bills." "What?" "Suddenly you're my father now?" "Yes, sir." "3 2 1 1 1 3." "Commonwealth versus Bradley Chase." "Assault with a deadly weapon" "Waive reading, Judge, and ask that these ridiculous charges be dismissed... on the grounds of... ridiculousness." "These charg es are anything but ridiculous, Your Honor" "The defendant abducted one innocent man... threatened him with torture, then assaulted clergy with a deadly weapon." " Pick, pick, pick." " You think this is funny?" "Your Honor my client saved the innocent life of a little kidnapped child... who was innocent and utterly... kidnapped." "[ Judge ] I watch the news like everyone else, Mr Crane." "And your client's conduct was shocking." " I'd like to move for an immediate trial." " Hold on!" "The facts are not in dispute." "The district attorney clearly wants his 15 minutes." " Why make him wait?" " If you think this is me grabbing a spotlight" "It's always about that." "You've been running for office since you got out of law school." "Hold on!" "You two will refrain from personal exchanges." "But it is personal, Your Honor" "We have a history and the opportunity for him to saddle me up as a cause." "You attacked a man, cutting off his fingers." "As someone who took an oath to uphold the law, yes, I take that personally." "Good sound bite, Frank Might want to save it for the cameras." "Which he'll be asking you to allow in court." "I consent." "Hey!" "I will make the rules in this courtroom!" "Are you ready to proceed to trial?" "Assuming he's not alleging any diminished capacity" " I plead not guilty, on the grounds of necessity," " Necessity?" "Yes." "You probably skipped over it in law school." "Necessity." "Look it up, hack." " Commonwealth is ready to proceed." " I must caution you both." "These are serious criminal charges here." "I'm not sure you should want to rush to judgment." "Judge, you're old." "I'm old." "Lock and load before we're dead." "Why in God's name did you press for an immediate trial?" "Because I want to trade in the currency of being a hero." "I've been featured all over the news and the jury pool. is watching." " Even so, a conviction here means prison." " I won't be convicted." " How can you be sure of that, especially since you're guilty?" " Denny Crane." "Look, I know this assistant D.A." "He wants to be the D.A. He's using this as a publicity" " He's also good." "I've seen him try cases." " Denny Crane." "That is not a legal defense." "[ Sighs ] Are we happy?" "Did I not warn both of you?" "You know what, Shirley?" "Don't start." "I changed that little boy's diapers." " I would do anything to g et him back." " Clearly." " Including going to jail." " Which it may come to for Brad." " We're all on the same side here." " Really?" "I'm not so sure." "Denise, if I were against you, I'd leave no doubt." "You're really planning to have Denny handle your defense?" "You're really planning to have Denny handle your defense?" "Well" "Denny, given the exposure of this case not only to Brad but the firm... how about you and I team up on this one?" " I'd love it." "I'll pitch." " I'll call balls and strikes." "We'll all heed to sign waivers." "Denise, I'm gonna need to call you as a witness." " Before you say yes, you need to consider the liability." " Yes." "Not so fast." "They could charge you with conspiracy or aiding and abetting" "I said yes." "I'll testify." "Melissa, you're $ 50,000 in debt." " I know." " How did this happen?" "I don't know, I swear." "It's these people." "They've ruined me." "We're going to trial." "I'm swelling up just thinking about it." "Trials make me swell with adrenaline." "Do I look swollen?" "Somewhat." "Denny, we're a little busy here." "What are you doing?" "Taxes?" "Don't you have an accountant?" "I'm helping Melissa, who seems to have fallen into a black hole of debt." "Very black." "What is this sudden concern of yours for people without money?" "I need to know." "You need to look at the big picture." "If people don't have it... they might want to steal ours." " Right." " Do we have anybody, in corporate... who understands this credit card world?" " Hands." " Sorry?" "Hands Espenson." "Banking and finance genius." "Only don't call him Hands." "Why, would I?" "Why, do you?" "The contract was deliberately written to confuse you." "Bait and switch." "Bingo!" "Promise one thing." "Say zero percent interest." "Then they up it to 30%." "Bingo!" " But isn't that illegal?" " Used to be." "Used to have usury laws." "But the states wanted the credit card business." "So, poof!" "Gone !" "Bingo." " Ever inquire about a car loan?" " Actually, yes, once." " Bingo!" " But I didn't buy the car" "It doesn't matter It's called universal default." "Credit bureaus share your information." "All of it." "Your credit card company just heard about your asking for a car loan." "Bingo." "They raise your rates." "Why?" "Because they can." " Why doesn't he move his hands?" " O.C.C. is supposed to police." "They don't." "Bought off by the credit card lobbyists." "Is he coming back?" "I have no idea" " What's your history with this D.A.?" " We went to law school together" "I beat his ass in moot court." "And I licked him several times in criminal cases since." " Let's just say we're rivals." " Denise, I'll take your testimony." " Denny, can you take Brad's?" " You licked a man's ass?" "Denny, if you can't focus here, I'm not going to let you play." "This trial. is a threat to Brad's freedom." "It is potentially, an enormous blight on this firm." "We need to win this trial." "I'm sorry But tell me ag ain why, it is that we're rushing this so?" "It's a rush job because Ginsberg plans to run for district attorney... and the primary is in March." " He's using this as a showcase" " That explains his urgency, but what about ours?" "At the moment, Brad's a celebrity, His hero status can only, run to our favor." "But it is a risk." "It's not too late to take a deep breath... and say let's do this later" "Let's do it now." " You're sure?" " I have an erection." "It's a good sign." "Let the trial begin." "I'm ready," " Denny Crane." " Excuse us." " Denny Crane." "My poop doesn't smell." " Excuse us, please." " We have no comment." " Comes out in pretty colors." "Pastels." "Denny Crane." "Denny Crane." "And suddenly he's swinging the ax." "I put my hand out and he chopped it." "He cut three of my fingers right off." "They just fell to the floor" " [ Ginsberg ] And then what happened, sir.?" " I was rushed to the hospital." "Two of my fingers were recovered and reattached." "And then his colleague, that woman... came in brandishing my third finger." "She wouldn't give it back unless I revealed privileged information... about one of my parishioners." "He cut it off and she extorted me with it." "My first question would be... if someone is swinging an ax, why stick your hand out?" "I didn't think he'd actually try " "And to be clear, when you speak of your parishioner.." "you refer to the man charged with kidnapping the child." " Well, yes." " And also to be clear... you knew your parishioner was a pedophile." "I am not going to reveal privileged information to you... just like I wouldn't to him." "But you did reveal information to Miss Bauer" "You told her where your parishioner's hideaway was." "You'll reveal information to g et your fingers back, but not to save the life of a child." " Objection." " Sustained!" "As a policy, if a pedophile killer contesses his crime, you'll protect that secret." "I cannot break the confessional seal." "It's canon law." " Is that stupid?" " Objection." "I'm sorry but the laws in this country to protect against child abuse... supersede doctor-patient privilege... lawyer-client privilege, but not priest-parishioner privilege?" "Has the Catholic Church earned some special exemption when it comes to pedophiles?" " Objection!" " Do we trust them more in this area?" " That's a cheap shot." " I've been known to take them." "Tell us about the papal bles sings." "Well, on that matter I was, uh " "I was wayward." "I apologize." "The Vatican issues papal blessings at about $30 a pop." "You decided to print them yourself and sell them directly... by passing the middleman who, in this case, happens to be... the pope." "Yes." "As I said, I was wayward there." "I'm just having a hard time reconciling." "You'll steal from the pope... but cloak yourself in canon law when it comes to protecting a pedophile." " Do you support pedophilia" " Objection." "Do I dare ask where those three fingers had been prior to my, client's chopping them off?" " Objection!" " Miss Schmidt, you are way out of line!" "I'm sorry, Judge." "I have known many, many wonderful priests in my lifetime." "I am not adding Father Ryan to that list." "Nothing further" "Wait a second." "So the deadbeats are the ones who pay off their debt?" "Bingo." "Within the credit card industry... they're called deadbeats because they don't make any money off of them." "they're called deadbeats because they don't make any money off of them." "The ones who don't pay off, they're the preferred customers... because they're the ones they make money off of." "They target people they know won't be able to pay-- people like Melissa" " Bingo." " Are you making fun of me?" "No, sir." "You said what I say." "That's making fun." "No, It's just" "[ Quoting Lyrics ]" "Never mind." " How are we doing?" " We're suing them." " Who?" " The company that gave you the credit card." " Prominence Banlk." " We're suing them?" " We can't sue." "Too big." "Too big." " The bigger they are, Jerry" "We're suing them." "Mmm." "What do you mean I'm not testifying?" "The problem is, if Brad testifies and you testify, that gives the prosecution... two more opportunities to play, out this horrific chain of events." "There's nothing you can say, that Brad can't say." " I can support what he says." " True." "But since you're the one that twiddled the severed finger using it for blackmail purposes... there's the outside chance you'll come offi as less than adorable." " Shirley" " Denise, the D.A. will have a field day." " You ready,.?" " I am." "More importantly, are you ready?" "Lock and" "Denny, maybe I should take this." "Shirley, if the jury doesn't get to see me in action, they'll feel. cheated." " They'll think we cheated them." " Wallk them through what happened... giving Brad a chance to explain why he did what he did in each" "I know how to question a witness, Shirley." "Denny, our whole case is his testimony." "Whose?" "Kidding." "I'm ready," "Just for fun, show me how you plan to start off." "[ Groans ] Brad... what occasioned you to even get involved, pretending to be an F.B.I. officer?" "His response will occasion the jury to feel and experience... the horror of a child being kidnapped." " Like it was their child." " Good." " Thank you." " You must show contrition." "You must be apologetic." "You did what you did to get the child back." "But you feel compassion and sympathy, for everybody, you victimized." " Got it." " Do not make yourself the story." "The jury needs to be focused on him." "Did you just say don't make me the story?" " He's coming here tomorrow?" " Claiming he wants to work things out." " Can't meet." "Can't meet." " What do you mean you can't meet?" "I don't do meetings." "I'm background." "You've got all the expertise, Jerry." "And I need you to be around." " I'll give you a memo." " Just a whisper in my ear." "You won't even have to talk out loud." "I'll do all the gesturing." "I'm sorry." "That was an extremely poor joke." "And I apologize." " Is he like the president of the company?" " He's their general counsel." "He happens to be in Boston." "Jerry, I'm sorry." "I need you." "I'll be present." "I'll give feedback on my computer" " You can read it off the screen." " Deal." "I am so sorry." "I'm the one who led you into all this." "You have nothing to apologize for Denise." "I made my own decision." "But a week ago you were up for partner and now you're up... on trial." "Denise, the little boy is alive." "Unfortunately, that's not the issue." "Well, it is for me." "Are you always like this?" "Like what?" "Brad, you could be looking at jail." "It's okay to show a little fear." "Okay." "Thanks." ""Okay." "Thanks." That's it?" "Denise, what do you want me to do, cry?" "We got the kid back." "If I had it to do all over again, I would do it again." "I'll live with the consequences." "Okay." "So I'll see you in court." "Yeah." "How's my hair?" "Does my hair work?" "It does appear to grow each month." "It's my first settlement conference." "There is a lot of power in a woman's hair." "Yes, there is." "I think we'll let my slightly... less powerful hair run the meeting." "Good morning." "Melvin Palmer." "How are you?" "I'm grand, actually." "But I go by Alan Shore." " A pleasure." " This is Melissa Hughes." " I would be your plaintiff." " And a real honor to meet you, Melissa" " Melvin Palmer" " Jerry Espenson." "He doesn't shake." "Excellent." "Well, then, shall we get started?" "You're not gonna be cheerful about all this, are you?" "I have been told to keep my exuberance down until people have had their morning coffee." "[ Chuckles ] Let me tell you a little about me." " Oh, dear." " I am a problem solver." "It's what I love to do." "I consider it a personal failure... when one of my cases ends up in court." "I also feel I haven't succeeded when people walk away from one of my tables unhappy." " It's actually our table." " What I do in matters like this..." "I set aside my, whole day, okay,.?" "Because the goal is finding a solution." "One that works for you and one that works for us." "That's just the way I work." "So this doesn't have to be an acrimonious experience." "Wonderful." "Why don't we begin then by you giving her back all her money?" "Well, I don't know if we can do that." "But I do think we can make this pretty young woman happy." "Okay then, we have this saying in Texas." ""Time to let the horses out of the barn."" "[ Whinnying ]" "Swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth..." " so help you God?" " I do." " so help you God?" " I do." "Denny." "[ Clears Throat ] First off, if it had been my child... who had been kidnapped, there are no words that could express my gratitude." " I'm sure we all agree." " Objection." " Mr Crane, do not address the jury." " Oh, sorry." "Brad, first question." "I got involved because my colleague, Denise Bauer.." "came to me distraught that her housekeeper's child had been kidnapped..." " and frustrated the police and F.B.I. were making no progress." " Second question." "I went to a friend of mine, Kevin Drummond, at the F.B.I. and asked him for help." " Third question." " He told me that while the F.B.I. was limited... by state action, that private citizens had... sometimes successfully taken things into their own hands." " Fourth question." " Objection." "He's not asking any questions." "I told him last night the questions." "I'm just trying to speed things up for the jury who I know... are already, annoyed at even being here for this ridiculous prosecution." " Objection." " Mr Crane." "Call me Denny, Judge." "Denny Crane." "You will ask the questions in their entirety... so that we may understand what the witness is answering." " Outrageous." " You kidnapped an innocent man?" "Well, the brother wasn't so innocent." "He'd provided safe harbor for the suspect and he had information." "So that's when you used violence?" " Threatened violence." " Only threatened?" " Only threatened." " Didn't use it?" " Did not." " What a thing." "He's making light of kidnapping, false imprisonnment" " Objection." " You're a witness." " Objection." " Objection." " Objection." " Stop it !" " None of us is making light of this, Judge." "We're just trying to put some perspective on things" "There's no question." "before the witness." " Sustained." " What can you tell us about perspective?" " Objection," " That's a question!" " Sustained!" " [ Denny ] The brother told you about the priest." " Yes." " And you went to the church and cut off his fingers?" "[ Brad ] I swung an ax at his imported door knowing it cost a lot of money," " How much?" " 9,000." " Dollars?" " Dollars." " For a door." " He somehow could afford it." " Objection." " Bitch, bitch" " Mr Crane !" " Call me Denny, Judge." " No, I will not call you Denny!" " So you swung at the door" "I only wanted to make him think that I was about to destroy the door." "He stuck his hand out at the last second." "I never meant to make contact." " It was an accident." " You didn't mean to hit his hand." "No." "And I regret that I did." "To the extent that it led to the safe recovery of Tito Perez, I'm glad about that." "But I never meant to cause any physical injury to Father Ryan." "And again, I apologize." "[ Whispers ] Denny Crane." " [ Clamoring ]" " Denny Crane, fair and balanced." "The nut job, fair and balanced." "Denny Crane." " [ Alarm Rings ] - [ Elevator Stops ]" " That was you not becoming the story?" "I was practically invisible." " What the hell was that about?" " The prosecutor wants to horrify the jury." "We were diluting the horror.. scope." "To my money, you trivialized it." "You may have just alienated the jury." "People like a happy ending." "Child came home safe." " We play the happy ending." " It's not that simple, Denny." "Yes it is, Shirley." "We're talking juries." "It always comes down to simple." "And, hey, there's nobody simpler than me." "[ Elevator Starts ]" " Please tell me you're making this up." " I am not." "He said, "Question one, question two, question three," and so forth." "Almost as if he were deliberately mocking the whole proceeding." " And we could very well lose, Paul." " Is he out of his mind?" "Well, he's always out of it." "Clearly It's where he's most comfortable." " What are you doing in my office?" " This is my office, Denny." "Oh." "T hat must mean I've come to see you." "Why?" "I don't know." "It could be to say we were right to mock the proceedings." "A child was saved." " That's what you say in your closing." " It isn't." "Yes, it is." "And that's the button for your closing." "It's that simple." "It's not polite to talk about crazy people behind their backs." "I accept that I have debt and that I should pay, it." "But to suddenly up it from 10,000 to 50,000?" "I" "Melissa" "You know, in the short time that we've spent together.." "I-- can appreciate that you are an honorable person." "And one that lives up to her obligations." "Am I right about that?" " Yes." " Well, you did apply for the Prominence Bank card... and entered into a contract accepting its terms." "I'm right about that too, aren't I?" " [ Melissa ] Yes." " And you then went out... and made voluntary purchases pursuant to the terms of that contract." " These sound like trial questions." " Oh, I assure you they are not." "No." "See, here's the thing about me." "I like to take the "adversary " out of "adversary system. "" "Okay?" "I'm just trying to get the full picture here... so that I-- can better understand where you're coming from... and so you can better understand me." "You seem swell." "Right." "Of course we're all happy that Tito Perez was rescued safely." "But the ends cannot justify the means." "Not when the means involve... kidnapping, F.B.I. impersonation... false imprisonment, chopped-off fingers... extortion and assault." "Whether he intended to sever the fingers of Father Ryan or not... he clearly and intentionally swung that ax with reckless disregard." "We are a nation of laws." "We are also a country that stands for civil liberties and human rights." "These are principles embedded in our Constitution... our Bill of Rights." "This man not only broke the law... he obliterated fundamental constitutional tenets in the process." "Vigilante justice may be acceptable in other lands." "It is not so here." "This is" " Here it comes." " the United States of America" "Don't even think about it." "We k eep hearing about the rights of the accused in this country" "What about the victim's?" "What about his rights?" "We're supposed to say, "Sorry, Tito." "We'd love to save you." "but there are these rules"?" "There's a murder in this country every 31 minutes... a forcible rape every six minutes, a robbery every one minute." "But, hey, let's all band together and protect... the constitutional. principles that make this country great." "Things clearly got ugly here... but a human life was at stake." "With all due respect to the civil liberties of the suspect's brother... with great deference to canon law... and Father Ryan's Italian imported door and his fingers... the life of a four-year-old boy, was at stake." "Brad Chase saved that little boy's life." "[ Mouths Words ]" "It's that simple." "You're not giving me anything here.?" "First of all, if I were to forgive your obligations..." " believe it or not, I'd be hurting you." " Hurting me?" "Okay, this is me, the way I raise my own kids." "It's not what you give them." "It's how you teach them to get things for themselves." "Just making sure you're real." "[ Chuckles ] You know, I don't know you yet, Mr Shore... but I get this feeling I'm gonna like you." "May I ask?" "You spoke of honoring obligations as if it's a good thing." " Indeed I did." " Then why do you and other credit card companies... refer to the customers who pay off their debts promptly as "deadbeats"?" "Well, that's not a term I would personally use." "No, 'cause you're swell, but your company uses the term like a mantra." "Here's the thing." "Let me tell you a little about me and why I chose to represent Prominence Bank." "Like any other credit card service, it's a business, sure." "But it is a service." "We help people who are short of cash." "Help them make their rent so they don't g et thrown out on the street." "Help 'em make a car pay,ment so they, can get to work." "Help them buy Christmas presents for their children during tough times." "You're like Santa Claus." "I can see you and I need to go out and shoot some ducks together" "Do you explain all the credit terms to your customers?" "Well, they're on the back of every application." "Like this?" "With the tiny print?" "I have a J.D. and an M.B.A. from Harvard... and even I can't make heads nor tails of this deception and fraud!" "It's deception and fraud!" "Well, look who found his tongue." "And you, Mr Shore, you're a hoot, that's what." "Is it true your company actually, targets people with bad credit ratings?" "Well, we have an extremely complex marketing strategy." "Ine that I'd be happy to tak e some time and explain to you." "That's okay." "I think I've got it." "You find people in dire straits and market directly to them... with the hope of forming a lifelong relationship." "I had a former client who kind of operated his business the same way." " Really?" "What line of work was he in?" " He sold heroin." "[ Chuckles ] My friend, I am not a man who offends easily," "So I could call you a loan shark and you'd be fine?" "When you charge your customers 30% interest, you're a loan shark" "That term implies criminal conduct." "It's not criminal." "because your parasitic lobbyists... have penetrated both aisles of Congress." "The credit card industry is more profitable than McDonald's, Microsoft and Wal-Mart." "You've got yourself a multi-billion-dollar racket going, Mr. Palmer." "Given that we are bigger than Wal-Mart or McDonald's... or Microsoft, we enjoy some security." "And potential lawsuits like this... we have an expression in Texas, Mr. Shore." ""You're all hat and no cattle."" "[ Chuckles ]" "Here's the thing about me." "I am a hoot." "But I insist on putting "adversary " back into the sy,stem." "And I do it openly and notoriously for all to hear." "Well, a swell guy like you doesn't want the puiblic to know... that of the thousands of industries tracked by the Better Business Bureau... the credit card racket is number one in customer complaints." "You don't want them to know... that you deliberately targ et those who won't be able to pay off their debts." "People you call "revolvers."" "People who see "zero percent interest" in big blue print... and don't know that with just one late payment, you skyrocket their interest to 30%." "That if they, so much as inquire about leasing a car, you raise their rates." "You don't want the public to know that while over seven million families... have filed for bankruptc in the last five years... you got Congress to chang e the Bankruptc Code... to make it next to impossible for people to discharge credit card debt." "You don't want people to know that the credit card industry is essentially a pack of hyenas... crunching on the bones of the poor do you?" "I smell something awful." "[ Sniffing ]" "I think it's you." "Yes." "This case has the stench of big tobacco and asbestos all over it." "Luckily our firm has nine offices around the U.S., London and Hong Kong... strategically positioned for massive class-action suits." "And once the company you represent smells it too... they'll find you not nearly smart or powerful enough, and they'll drop you... for a firm that employs expertise and intimidation... rather than down home hokum and smiley, handshakes." "And this is my favorite part." "When your firm fires your obsequious ass for losing their client, oh, my God, the stress!" "Your tan'll fade, you'll gain a few pounds, drink a bit more, scream at the kids." "And maybe your wife will finally leave you... for the Realtor who sells your house, because, after all... he'll still be able to afford Christmas in Aruba and next year's convertible." "Hey, fella, don't worry about it." "It'll be a hoot." "You okay?" "Brad, jury's back." "Already?" "Let's go." "Mr Shore." "May I borrow a moment of your time?" "At 30% interest." "[ Chuckles ] You know what you are?" "You're a pistol, that's what." "Listen, I thought a lot about many of the issues you raised... and, well, you touched me." " Did I?" " It was certainly never our intent to victimize Melissa.." "or anybody, for that matter." "in her financial constraints." " No?" " I talked to my, clients... relayed to them that, well" " You were touched." " We've decided to forgive all debts and loans to Melissa" "Just wipe it clean." "How about that?" " Now I'm touched." " Of course-- [ Clears Throat ] my people are concerned about precedent and others demanding similar amnesty." "So the offer would have to be conditioned on confidentiality." "Mmm." "Well, may I say as a personal aside... it has been a real pleasure meeting both you and Melissa" "And I wish you continued health and happiness in the future." "You know, we have a little saying in Massachusetts." ""Maybe someday you'll get horribly sick and die."" "Until then." "[ Chuckling ] You" "You dog." "Oh." "Mr Foreman, have you reached a verdict?" " We have, Your Honor" " What say you?" "On the charge of kidnapping... we find the defendant, Bradley Chase... not guilty." "In the charge of false imprisonnment, we find the defendant, Bradley Chase... not guilty." "In the charge of aggravated assault, we find the defendant, Bradley Chase..." " not guilty." " [ Exhales ]" "The jury is dismissed." "The court thanks you for your service." "Mr Chase, you're free to go... though, personally, I find your behavior to be shocking and outrageous." " We are adjourned." " [ Gavel Raps ]" " Thank you." " You got lucky, Brad." "You do know that." "I know." "Uh, Denny, thanks." "Thank you." "First of all, I want to say thank you... which, of course, goes totally without saying." "But I'm saying it anyway." "Second, I will work here for free to pay my legal fees..." " if you want me to." " I don't." "Third, and this is not a come-on." "It is just a statement of fact." "When you rattled off that whole "You don't want the public to know" laundry list... that was the single sexiest thing I have ever seen a man do." "You should see me when I do it naked." "I'm just gonna go, um, change my... screen saver" "We won our case." "Did you hear?" "I did." "Brad must be relieved." " How'd your case with Hands go?" " Well." "Can I ask you something friend-to-friend?" "Of course." "Shirley made this comment." ""Don't make it about me."" " Do I do that?" " Get out of town." "Seriously." "Do I act like I'm the only one in the room?" "Denny, one of the things I love about you is when we talk.." "often it's as if you're not even in the room." "Promise?" "I was brilliant, by the way." "I wish you'd been there, Alan." "I wish I had as well, Denny." "I must tell you though..." "It's not that I don't appreciate the value of fascistic problem solving... but given Brad and the F.B.I.'s tactics here... if I had been the prosecutor Brad would be in prison tonight." "And if I represented the pedophile, I'd be getting him out." " I'd have shot him." " Right." "think we'll ever see the day when the defense lawyer.." "will be legally permitted to shoot the defendant?" "We seem to be making progress." "Denny Crane." "I'll be your attorney." "[ Chuckling ]" "[ Woman ] You stinker!"