"PUDDLE:" "This is the home where Steve Wilde lives." "He's super rich." "He's even getting an award for something." "Smiling jackass." "PUDDLE:" "But he's not very happy." "Hey, that's crazy talk." "We didn't use the smiling one." "This is Migo, Steve's driver." "This is a very serious jackass." "I'm sorry, Migo." "Not even you can cheer me up today." "No one's coming to my humanitarian party." "It's like everyone thinks I'm just giving this award to myself." "How dare they?" "And you are." "Or that I'm not deserving of it." "Well, who's to say who's deserving of anything?" "And you don't." "I mean, it's not to say that you're not a generous man." "You are." "It's like at lunch today when you told me to get those sodas, and you said, "Keep the change."" "Did I?" "Do you want the change?" "Because I got, like, six diet sodas, and you only gave me, like, $100." "No, no, no, of course." "PUDDLE:" "Migo has made a very good living off Steve, but he actually cares for him very much." "...And for the kindness of a boss who neither knows nor cares how the real world operates." "Amen." "Can you please pass the orange soda?" "Sure." "You got $50?" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "You really are a generous man, sir." "(RINGING)" "Permission to enter, my friend." "PUDDLE:" "That's Steve's neighbor, Fa'ad." "STEVE: (OVER SPEAKER) Permission granted, Fa'ad." "PUDDLE:" "They're always one-upping each other." "He's flaunting his new horse." "Get my new horse!" "The big one!" "Jacket!" "He's coming, he's coming." "My new horse." "Get me mounted." "(HORSE WHINNYING)" "(URGING HORSE) Whoa." "Oh." "Salaam." "Look who's back from Dubai." "And I brought back the pride of Yemen." "In your carry-on?" "(CHUCKLING) No." "Any man who could afford a stud smaller than my Peanut surely has made a deal with the devil." "Are you saying they get more expensive as they..." "As they get smaller, yes, yes." "(CHUCKLES) But yours is a monstrous beauty." "(HORSE WHINNYING) Oh, I couldn't be prouder." "I actually like being up high." "Like I will be on the stage when I receive my Humanitarian of the Year Award." "They tell me that it's a remarkably small plaque." "I prefer a bigger plaque." "But what sort of friend would I be if I did not trot over and RSVP personally?" "I shan't be coming!" "(LAUGHS)" "PUDDLE:" "Whenever Steve is in pain," "Mr. Lunt is there to make him feel better." "Oh, he's hurting." "Cookies." "As his lifelong secretary, Milk!" "Mr. Lunt has always made sure no harm ever comes to Steve." "Milk!" "Migo, we're going shopping." "I figured." "I'll get the horse trailer." "No, you don't know me as well as you think, Migo." "No, if this doesn't fit in the backseat of the car, I don't want it." "Yummies for Mr. Humanitarian!" "You see a humanitarian, I see an old fool." "Oh, you don't mean that, Steve." "Unless..." "Wait." "Am I the old fool?" "You haven't gotten anyone to RSVP to my party." "How is a room full of no one gonna look to somebody like Emmy?" "Emmy?" "Is she coming?" "I don't know." "You're the one in charge of the invitations." "In that case, she's not coming." "You didn't invite her?" "Steve, that was decades ago." "She's off doing her number on some natives in some jungle someplace." "The party will be better without her." "I'll get some tourists and I'll tell them they're going to a Price Is Right  taping." "Oh, that'll look really spiritual and deep." "All my friends will have price tags on them." "PUDDLE:" "But Steve did have a real friend." "A friend who found a way to find this woman." "This is Emmy." "Where is she?" "EMMY:" "Puddle, come get in the photo!" "Come on." "PUDDLE:" "She believes that life in the Amazon rain forest is worth preserving." "I'm her daughter." "My name's Puddle." "(THUNDER CRACKLING)" "And I completely disagree." "Puddle, come on." "Baby, let's go." "The tribe we live with may be losing their land to Steve's oil company." "So my mom's fighting them with her boyfriend, Andy." "He calls himself an eco-terrorist and says the white man only cares about himself." ""Attention, earth wrappers."" "Rapers, rapers." "Rapers!" ""If you want to rip apart this ecosystem," ""you'll have to rip apart this devoted environmentalist first." ""And..." (ENGINE STARTS)" "Hey, hey." "They know I'm here, right?" "Yeah, I assume so." "You assume so?" "Tell them I'm here!" "PUDDLE:" "It's a battle they appear to be losing." "There's a man back here!" "(YELLING) A white man!" "Ah ha ha!" "EMMY:" "So Wilde Oil thinks they can just come in here and throw the tribe out?" "Well, we've got right on our side." "Don't you think, Puddle?" "Right, you're not speaking." "PUDDLE:" "I haven't in six months." "I understand that you've decided not to communicate, which is really a form of communication as well." "So I'm not worried, because as long as we are communicating, even if it's by not communicating," "I respect that." "Does that make sense?" "Don't answer that." "Just got back from the post office in Little Lima." "You, uh, you didn't actually send that package to Wilde oil, did you?" "They love oil so much, let's find out how much they love it when they get covered in three kilos of it." "Okay, I know this family personally, and they could throw us all in jail." "Person..." "Wait, what?" "You know them personally?" "No, no, no, no." "I knew the son, Steven, a long time ago." "I mean, it's not like it was romantic." "Which is not to say that it was purely physical." "I don't even remember the physical part." "(STUTTERING) That's not why I liked him is what I mean." "I didn't like him." "The point is, he is a spoiled rich kid, and I doubt he's become some great humanitarian." "PUDDLE:" "She actually said "humanitarian."" "That's why a week later when the mail came, it brought more than just the invitation to a Humanitarian of the Year party." "EMMY:" "Humanitarian?" "It also brought me my ticket out of the jungle." "Not enough postage?" "What was I even sending?" "(EXPLODING)" "PUDDLE:" "On the night of the party," "Steve was worried he'd made a huge mistake." "Does this look like a baby horse to you?" "(SNORTING) It's very small." "Seems like it doesn't really know anything." "Well, who among us doesn't have a blind spot here or there?" "Like thinking we deserve an award when it's sure to bring us immense embarrassment." "Its breath is so milky." "Ah, screw it, I'm not gonna know anyone at this event." "I say we get rid of this tiny horse and go get hammered." "I'll tie him to that yield sign." "PUDDLE:" "Steve finally showed up for his party like he showed up for most things." "Late and drunk." "Drunk as a skunk." "He needs coffee." "That's a great idea, another drink." "No, but not coffee." "Nothing worse than a wide-awake drunk." "I got this." "Here we go." "(EXCLAIMING) Okay, let's go." "I want my plaque." "Come on, come on, come on, come on." "Get the plaque." "I want my plaque." "To say..." "I want my plaque to say," ""Here was a man who never wanted a plaque."" "(PEOPLE APPLAUDING) Take back the plaque." "Your drink, sir." "No, coffee." "I want coffee." "Ooh, I'll take that." "Steve." "Emmy." "Emmy Kadubic?" "Wow, I've not been thinking about you." "Nor I, you." "I can't believe you came to this thing." "You look beautiful." "Oh." "Can I talk to you privately?" "Yes!" "Okay." "PUDDLE:" "Meanwhile, I was across the way enjoying civilization and finally feeling like a normal kid." "I want you..." "Oh, I want you." "No, oh, no, no, no, no." "That's actually not what I was going... (GRUNTING) That's not me." "That's not me." "Someone's coming in." "Don't ruin this." "On the other hand, you smell pretty good." "What the hell?" "Oh, wait, okay." "Let's start over." "I can't do this!" "All right, we'll jump forward." "No, I'm living with a wonderful man!" "A-ha!" "In the Amazon." "We are working with a tribe that is very poor." "Hmm." "And their village sits on a giant oil deposit that your father wants." "You have to tell him not to drill there." "Oh, not to drill." "Well, that's gonna be problematic, because, you see, the thing is my father, he already thinks" "I'm good for nothing as it is." "And see, I'm currently getting the bulk of my money from my father." "And it's a trust fund scenario whereby "Loyalty merits" are distributed amongst family members who..." "Are you sweating?" "No, Steve, you have to help these people, okay?" "I mean, isn't that why you're getting a humanitarian award from..." "Wilde oil." "You're giving this award to yourself, aren't you?" "I hope not." "I thought we booked Dr. Oz for that." "Look, I just wanted to get an award." "You don't do charity for an award, Steve." "You do good for nothing." "But I guess that's what you still are." "I saved a horse today!" "I'm going to." "I know where I left it." "Don't listen to her." "She's just jealous because of the plaque you're getting." "Get the plaque." "I don't want the plaque." "I want her." "The only way I'm gonna get her is if I stop being so vain and shallow." "My God!" "It's a monument!" "Are you (BLEEP) kidding me?" "Fa'ad is gonna feel a holocaust of envy." "PUDDLE:" "Steve didn't stay happy for very long." "Emmy's really gotten to you, huh?" "Did I ever tell you how we met?" "So many times." "MAN: (THROUGH SPEAKER) May I help you?" "Yeah, two diet colas, please." "She was the daughter of one of my father's housekeepers." "MAN: (THROUGH SPEAKER) That's two diet colas." "Your total..." "Yeah, we know how much it is!" "PUDDLE:" "As Steve was telling the story to Migo, my mom was doing the exact same thing to me." "When I was a kid, I had a crush on him, but even then I knew that all that money stuff was not right." "And I refused to go into that house." "Why would I want to go in that house?" "And then he built me this tree house." "STEVE:" "It was the first thing I'd ever built on my own." "Every step." "The plans..." "Telling the guy to make it." "Then telling him I changed my mind and I wanted to put it in another tree." "Ah, Migo, I wish you could have seen it." "I did." "I built it." "EMMY:" "And we just spent all our time in there." "And you know what I was doing?" "I was helping him understand how much suffering there is in the world." "...suffering there is in the world." "Totally." "I mean, maybe I could get rid of Mr. Lunt and we could send his salary to those people." "I mean, I don't need a nanny anymore." "How often do I even use that baby monitor?" "But then out of nowhere my mother got fired." "And I said to him..." ""You have to go talk to your dad."" "That's complicated, because most of my future cash is performance-based..." "Are you sweating?" "Steve, his money has never made you happy." "You're right, I'm telling him you're staying or I'm going." "And I never saw him again." "And that's when Dad bought me my first speedboat, which I just ended up flipping, showing off for Michael J. Fox." "(SNORTING)" "Well, you know, maybe..." "Maybe he does need a little push." "Maybe I should let him be generous." "I mean, I think he's a jerk, but why not let him prove me wrong, right?" "PUDDLE:" "So clearly she's still got a thing for the guy." "The next day, we arrived at Steve Wilde's kingdom." "Emmy." "I was too hard on you." "No, you taught me a very valuable lesson." "I'm actually a very caring person, and that's..." "No, no, no." "(SCATTING)" "Sometimes they get past the gate." "Steve, that was my daughter, Puddle." "Who's this now?" "At the door?" "Come on in." "Speak up, little dude." "Okay, she doesn't speak." "She doesn't?" "She stopped six months ago." "We don't know why." "Well, we're not gonna crack it now." "Anyway, you inspired me." "Oh!" "I mean, raising a daughter in the rain forest." "I mean, yes, it's where they make all the nannies, but I couldn't do it." "EMMY:" "Well, I'm doing it to give my daughter values." "And in all fairness, I mean, you can't really do anything." "But I've changed." "It's why I went down there last night." "Peru." "On my jet." "Come on, I want to take you somewhere." "Right this way." "You are gonna love this." "PUDDLE:" "Where he took us was a fancy hotel." "Although at first we didn't know why." "Don't you recognize 'em?" "That's your tribe!" "Hey!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "Is this all of them?" "Yes!" "Well, I took one look at the living conditions down there, and I said, "We gotta get these people out of this wet hell now."" "Hi." "So the 2,000-year-old culture that I spent six years protecting?" "Off your plate." "Puddle, we're going back to the jungle now." "STEVE:" "Wait, what's that now?" "No, no, no." "No, no, no." "Emmy, Emmy..." "Come on, the tribe is happy now." "They're really happy." "Look how..." "Well, that's why you do it." "That right there." "And for the nothing." "Mostly you do it for the nothing." "But you didn't do it for nothing." "You can't do anything unless there's something in it for you." "So in order for something to be worthwhile," "I need to suffer like you do?" "You've never suffered a day in your life." "All I've ever done is sacrifice." "Yeah, because you need to feel superior." "No, I don't." "It's true." "You have lorded having nothing over me since the day you found out I had everything." "You're wrong, Steve." "But if I were the type of person who needed to feel superior, I would say," ""I feel sorry for that shallow rich guy." ""But good for that deep, poor girl for not judging him."" "That's the last nice thing that I'm doing for anyone." "Come on, Migo, I'm buying you a drink." "Ah, hang on." "Matoog needs the ice scoop." "STEVE:" "Who's the man?" "Who's the man?" "PUDDLE:" "Steve got back to his car the way he got back to most things." "You know, late and drunk." "How about that?" "I forgot about her already!" "Emmy?" "What are you doing here?" "Oh, right, you can't talk, and I'm not a mind reader." "I can't go back to the jungle." "I need your help." "Okay." "But if you tell anyone that I can read minds, the deal is off." "PUDDLE:" "And so I was finally able to explain why I'd stopped talking." "Because I don't want to live in the jungle." "So maybe you could help me." "Convince my mom that I have to stay here or something." "I have the perfect lie." "I'm not much of a liar." "That's kinda one of the great things about being rich." "You get to say things like, "Hey, I sideswiped your car"" "and people still like you anyway." "But you have to lie." "If my mom finds out I've been faking, she'll take away..." "Well, I really only have one thing." "But I like that thing." "Well, I guess if it's for a thing." "How is she?" "Where is she?" "Oh, she's in the parlor room with Doctor." "What?" "Oh, my God, is she okay?" "Oh, he's not that type of doctor." "He's a psychiatrist, and no, she's not." "Is this about her not talking?" "Because that's a phase." "I completely concur!" "Hello, I am Doctor." "Hmm, your daughter did not tell me that you were so very beautiful." "Well, I'm sure she didn't tell you anything, did she, Dr. Fa'ad?" "Not in so many words." "Yeah, but zero words though, right?" "I was looking everywhere for you." ""This child cannot be moved." ""She's on the verge of a severe pathology." ""Perhaps it comes from having no real home."" "My suggestion would be to enroll her in an American school." "Doesn't Neverwood Village Junior High have an excellent program for dumb kids who can't speak?" "The best and the dumbest." "Of course, to enroll one must be a resident of Neverwood Village proper." "Well, surely they could live with me for a while, don't you think?" "Oh, I don't know." "I mean, what's your exact diagnosis?" "This child cannot be moved." "PUDDLE:" "They were both horrible liars." "They clearly had no experience." "Your daughter did not tell me that you were so beautiful." "And obviously I couldn't jump in." "This child's been moved." "They were putting in stuff that I took out in rehearsal." "Example..." "Doctor Magazine  says you're the best in the world." "Thank you, Doctor Magazine." "(CHUCKLING)" "And suddenly they jumped right to the end." "Anytime." "Thank you for stopping by." "I said it, anytime." "But for some reason, my mom didn't catch it." "I guess as usual she wasn't listening." "I'm supposed to live here because of some doctor?" "This guy is one of the most well-respected and ethical medical practitioners working in the field today." "And I also took care of the payment." "I don't know, it just feels wrong to me, Steve..." "Move, Peanut!" "This whole thing." "And I don't want my daughter growing up in this shrine to excess." "Shrine to excess?" "This is a home." "It's just a simple home." "PUDDLE:" "My mom didn't want to live in Steve's mansion, so he came up with a better idea." "I cannot believe you kept our tree house." "I don't know, I guess I was just never happier than when I was up here with you." "Me too." "Although I didn't imagine I'd be living here 20 years later." "I was supposed to be running a nonprofit in a major city by now, working for the UN." "Twenty years of doing this, and all I've gotten is a little worn around the edges." "I think it's your edges that make you so beautiful." "Seriously, look at me." "Look at these hands." "Not a callous on them." "Never had to lift a thing in my life." "What's this?" "Golf." "(CHUCKLES)" "A stupid game I play every day with my so-called best friend, Fa'ad, the only other person I know who's accomplished less than I have and has also never had a job." "He's never had a job?" "Not even ashamed of it." "I mean, talk about a doctor." "You lied to me." "And what's worse, is you took advantage of a little girl who cannot even speak." "You're right." "I'm sorry." "It was selfish of me." "It always is." "How dare he?" "He's just this self-involved and oblivious..." "As anyone would be who didn't have a father who cared." "He didn't have what you're giving your daughter." "You know, maybe I should have been more of a father figure." "But he doesn't pay me to be his father." "I'm his friend." "He pays me to be his friend." "Don't you dare take the blame for this, okay?" "Why is there someone to always cover up his messes?" "Mr. Lunt, his servants, everyone always protects him." "He doesn't protect anyone else." "PUDDLE:" "He protected me!" "He didn't tell you I could speak." "Big deal, we all know you can speak." "You can speak!" "Oh, thank God!" "Why did you stop talking?" "How many times have I told you" "I didn't want to stay in the jungle?" "Oh, everyone says that." "The tribe says that." "That's because nobody wants to live there." "I just want to be a regular kid." "I want that for you too, okay?" "But I also want to raise you with values, to teach you that it's important to care about people, unlike Steve." "He might not have told me you can speak, but, believe me, that was to help his little con with the fake doctor." "Which was my idea." "Even if it was, that's what I'm saying." "He could have told me that." "He's a selfish, selfish..." "Wait, why didn't he tell me that?" "(PLAYING SOMBER TUNE ON PIANO)" "Steve?" "Steve?" "(PIANO CONTINUES PLAYING)" "(MUSIC STOPS)" "Why didn't you tell me it was Puddle's idea?" "It would have gotten you off the hook with me." "Well, I didn't want her to get into trouble." "Right, but what did you get out of it?" "Nothing." "Oh, my God." "You did good for nothing." "I did good for nothing." "Why would I do that?" "Because I'm clearly a good influence on you." "Maybe we should stay." "Oh, Puddle." "Really?" "So we're staying?" "I think we should try it out just for a little while." "Oh, boy." "I'll go get my thing." "That's great." "I mean, I'm sure that you can find some super-serious charity to get involved with or..." "Oh, I already have." "Good." "I'm gonna finish what I started." "I am going to undo every entitled impulse ever drilled into you." "I'm gonna help you, and then together we're gonna change the world." "I can't see a single bad thing coming from that." "Good, because, Steve," "I really..." "I think I can make you a better man." "Not if I can make you the worse woman first." "Are we not laughing about that anymore?" "No." "PUDDLE:" "So that's how Steven Wilde, the man who had everything, found the one thing he couldn't have." "Oh, come on." "But that doesn't mean he's not gonna try." "I think my thing and I are gonna love it here."