"You don't have to come if you don't want to." "I want to, but I have a million things to do first." "Mom, what's this?" "Peanut butter." "Peanut butter and what?" "Peanut butter and jelly." "What kind of jelly?" "Zucchini jelly." "How we doing?" "We're doing fine, Walter." "Just fine." "I wish we could afford to keep you full time." "So do I, especially now." "Is the divorce final yet?" "Yes, today." "Thank you." "Let's put our heads together and maybe we can work something out." "Horns up." "One, two, three, four...." "We appreciate your taking the time to be here with us today." "A big hand for our most prominent selectman or selectwoman or selectperson, Felicia Alden." "Thank you, children and Miss Spofford." "I can see we have our work cut out for us?" "In these days of disintegrating values and lost mores when our children are exposed daily to the hazards of divorce, separation and families torn asunder it's comforting to think back to the days when a family like the Lenox family strove together." "The values of that time, embodied in a man Like Major Lenox...." "They were men who labored all their lives so their children would be well-fed, clothed and educated." "The families went through great hardship yet kept their honor their dignity and their faith in God." "We are the same people;" "the same body, the soul the hands and the feet of our fathers fighting the wars of modern vice." "What was it that tied these people together?" "What was it that made them not a loose gathering of individuals, but a single bond?" "That bond that held them together, as it holds us together today." "That bond that has stood every test is found deep in our consciousness." "An abiding love of liberty." "For Love of Liberty, our forbears colonists few in number and with little to defend themselves fought the war for independence what was then the world's most powerful empire." "For Love of Liberty those who came before us tamed a vast wilderness and braved hardships tamed a vast wilderness and braved hardships which at times were beyond the limit" "Braved hardships, which at times were beyond the Limit of human endurance." "Come on." "Go with your mom." "Go on." "Liberty must not be taken for granted." "We thank God for our blessings...." "Do you believe it's raining?" "Duh!" "I mean, since this morning." "At least it shut Walter up." "The same boring, sanctimonious speech." "I thought he'd go on forever." "I was praying for something to happen." "I was thinking the exact same thing." "You were?" "I was thinking we're all wet and how nice it would be to just leave." "And then it rained." "He's a liar and a leech and he deserved it." "I'm not talking about Walter." "Don't you think it's strange that we were" "We're thinking the same thing at the same time?" "So what?" "It won't get us on David Letterman." "Let's have a drink." "Good idea, Janey, party-baby!" "He made a pass at me last week, too." "I can't stand to think about it." "Be prepared." "He does not give up easily." "It was broad daylight and his wife was standing ten feet away!" "Poor woman." "Poor woman, my ass." "Why does she put up with it?" "The man is a Nazi." "Do you think they still...you know?" "Yes." "Really." "I hope his dick is bigger than his I.Q." "Once a week." "He told me." "He told you." "Otherwise she starts throwing things." "At Least someone's getting something once a week." "Yes, heartburn." "I keep forgetting how many calories are in these." "Two minutes on the lips forever on the Love handles." "And congratulations." "Thank you." "Oh, God, I forgot." "Your divorce." "As of today, I'm a free woman." "Join the club." "Thanks." "Here I go again." "It's over, honey." "You'll be okay." "It's a beginning, not an ending." "Right, alex?" "Besides, we still have each other." "Have some more martooni." "Did you bring the cards?" "Was I supposed to?" "I have them." "Okay, come on ladies, let's do it!" "I feel Like I'm being unfaithful even if I just...think about it." "Monty deserted you and left you with five kids." "Six." "Don't start, alex." "Her husband Left 'cause she has too many kids." "That's his problem." "You're oversimplifying." "Yours Left 'cause you can't have any." "You are definitely oversimplifying." "That's not the point." "What I'm saying is that it's not your fault." "That doesn't matter." "It's just not that easy." "We're too young to lock it up and throw away the key." "It's not natural." "What are we doing with ourselves?" "Look, Ozzie's dead." "I loved him." "He's dead." "So I spend Thursday nights with you two the rest of my life?" "I Like our Thursday nights." "It's the only time I can relax." "Sure: quilting, macramé." "What did we do Last Thursday night?" "Chinese aphrodisiac cooking." "Stimulating." "We're not relaxing, we're hiding." "What from?" "Walter Neff." "Fuck Walter Neff." "I'm not talking about him." "AII right, who should we be looking for?" "Somebody nice." "Somebody you could Like." "Somebody with a brain." "Somebody you could talk to." "Somebody you could really be yourself with." "Someone to watch" "Over me." "AII right, I've had it with you two." "He would definitely have to be from out of town." "Especially considering what's in town." "A stranger." "That would be interesting." "A tall, dark prince traveling under a curse." "In Eastwick?" "Romantic." "A foreign prince on a big, black horse." "If we're going to have it Let's have it all." "Handsome." "He should be really handsome." "Not too handsome." "Nice eyes." "Nice ass." "Huge." "I prefer small." "Aesthetically, I prefer small." "Sam was huge and there were times when I could not face it." "I'm in the middle myself." "But who cares?" "As long as it works, it's in." "It's a nice thought, but wishing for it won't make it happen." "Men are not the answer to everything." "So why do we always end up talking about them?" "I said, some man bought the Lenox mansion." "Did you hear me?" "Yeah." "Who is he?" "He's from New York, no wife, no family." "He told the realtors he needed all that room for his pianos." "Apparently, he had a lot of pianos." "How many pianos can one guy have?" "Don't you think it's kind of..." "strange and funny?" "What's his name?" "You know, that's strange, too." "What's strange about his name?" "They told me his name for the column and I forgot it." "So I called back and it's gone again." "It's not Like me to forget a name." "It's the big news of the day considering the history of the place." "I wonder if he knows." "I don't know." "Is that Clyde and Felicia?" "I have the culinary piece." ""Cheeseburger pie"?" "Is your column finished?" "Here's the track meet, births and deaths, the senior citizens' news." "The toxic waste article should be done this afternoon." "This pie looks good." "Did you hear someone bought the Lenox mansion." "The house is landmark building." "They have no right to sell it." "I can't do anything about that." "You're too busy reporting on the horse trough and Herbie Prescott's trip to Bermuda." "What's going to happen to those birds now?" "Tell me that." "What birds?" "The snowy egrets." "Where will they nest?" "I don't know." "Exactly." "Felicia, what's the matter?" "It's only a house." "Why are you so upset?" "I have a feeling." "The most terrible feeling." "Something is happening." "Something evil." "I'm just glad they're selling." "I was starting to think" "They're not selling, they sold." "Just Like that." "I don't understand." "You know I adore the Little creatures." "So unreal, and yet the detail." "Little fingers and toes, Little pudenda making a bump." "So sweet." "But nobody's even looked at them sideways in months." "Then this morning this man appeared out of absolutely nowhere." "So charming." "Not really handsome, but...riveting." "That's it." "I was riveted." "I Looked into his eyes and had thoughts I hadn't entertained since World War II." "I actually...blushed." "Can you imagine?" "No, I mean, yeah." "So he bought one?" "He bought all of them." "Every single one." "So who was he?" "A tourist?" "No, he just bought the Lenox house." "He's moving in." "Do you remember his name?" "Of course." "His name is...." "He told me." "I wrote it down." "It was foreign." "It sounded, uh...." "It's right on the tip of my tongue, but I can't...." "Isn't that diabolical?" "What is that noise?" "I don't know." "Bravis!" "He bought all of them?" "And now he's here." "Making goo-goo eyes at Jane." "And the interview, too." "How weird." "Didn't I tell you?" "Oh, it was after we talked." "The paper called him and asked to interview him" "About the house renovation and all." "He said he'd Love to be interviewed and asked for me." "I don't know why he wants me to do the interview." "Who is he?" "He must have a name." "I just can't remember it." "Why would he ask for you?" "Because I'm good at it." "You act Like I'm so stupid." "He was in my shop." "You're not stupid." "But how does he know who Sukie Ridgemont is?" "I don't know." "He bought the Lenox estate just Like that." "He has some kind of a foreign name." "Van something or other." "How sweet." "They're from him." "With a personal note." "Just "D."" "Yeah, it starts with a "D."" "David?" "No." "It has an "R" in it." "Doberman?" "Drake?" "Darren." "It's "D" something, "R" something, "L." Daryl!" "Van Horne." "Daryl Van Horne." "What kind of a name is that?" "Oh, Clyde, honey." "I think I broke my leg." "Looking for me?" "Are you Looking for me?" "Or is this just a happy coincidence?" "Actually, I was" "Just Looking." "Well, too bad." "Have you seen any snowy egrets out here?" "Neither have I." "Not that I'd know a snowy egret if I was pissing on one." "You want some lunch?" "I think it's a Little late in the season." "For Lunch?" "For pissing on birds." "The local sculptress." "The one who makes the booby dolls." "They're just Little" "But...potent." "Full of juice." "Potent." "You can feel it when you pick them up." "I sent a couple to New York." "I have a friend down there." "Terrific fellow." "He has a gallery." "I wanted to hear his opinion." "Of course the scale is wrong." "Get bigger." "Let yourself go." "Get some size into it." "Do you Like fish?" "We're having fish for Lunch." "Interesting, huh?" "Fidel, that's his name." "Women Love him." "They're crazy about him." "He has a big schlong." "Huge." "Well, there you are." "Scale again." "Size." "Who knows, maybe it's a masculine thing." "They say women don't care." "I'm in the middle myself." "How about you?" "How about me, what?" "See, women are in touch with different things." "That's my opinion." "It's not a fashionable one right now, but fuck it!" "I see men running around, putting their dicks into everything, trying to make something happen." "But it's women who are the source, the only power." "Nature." "Birth." "Rebirth." "Cliché." "Cliché." "Sure." "But true." "Why are you telling me this?" "You're an honest woman." "I'm being honest with you." "I Like women." "I admire them." "But if you want me to treat you Like a dumb twit, I will." "But what for?" "You have brains." "More than brains." "But you don't know it." "Most women don't." "Are you married?" "Good question!" "You see?" "Brains." "The answer is no." "I don't believe in it." "Good for the man." "Lousy for the woman." "She dies." "She suffocates." "I've seen it." "Then the husband complains to everyone that he's fucking a dead person." "And he's the one who killed her." "Where is your husband?" "Dead." "Sorry, but you're one of the lucky ones." "When a woman unloads a husband or a husband unloads a woman however it happens:" "death, desertion, divorce...." "When that happens, a woman blooms." "She blossoms." "Like flowers." "Like fruit." "She is ripe." "That's the woman for me." "Would you Like to see my house?" "In case anybody ever needed any exercise the pool is right over there, past the piano where the ballroom used to be." "Interesting word..."ballroom."" "It's one of my favorites." "Over there is, uh my study." "This is my bedroom." "Yes, it is." "The Borgias once owned the bed." "Of course, you have to pay for it with your soul, but what the hell, I deserve a Little luxury." "You have to take care of yourself." "No one will do that for you, will they?" "What do you think you're doing?" "Being as direct with you as I know how." "I thought you'd appreciate it." "I always Like a Little pussy after Lunch." "What do you say?" "Are you trying to seduce me?" "I wouldn't dream of seducing you, Alexandra." "I wouldn't insult your intelligence with anything as trivial as seduction." "But, I would Love to fuck you." "I have to admit that I appreciate your directness, Daryl." "I will try to be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be." "I think...." "No, I am positive that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire Life." "This afternoon, you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered some new ones." "You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid." "You have no taste, no sense of humor and you smell." "You're not even interesting enough to make me sick." "Would you Like to be on top or the bottom?" "Good-bye Daryl, and thank you for a lovely Lunch." "If that's the way you feel about it that's the way you feel about it." "Is that the way you feel about it?" "Who are you?" "Just your average horny Little devil." "I have to get home." "What have you got to go home to?" "There isn't anybody there, is there?" "The kid will take care of herself." "She'll eat and fall asleep on the bed doing homework." "I promise." "And house cleaning." "You clean up the dirt, there's just more dirt tomorrow." "Make the beds, they just have to be made tomorrow." "Wash the dishes." "There's more to wash tomorrow." "I have to make" "Make dinner?" "It just gets eaten." "You've done your best, alex." "You've done the wife bit, the motherhood bit." "The car pools, the vegetable garden needlepoint, the macramé potholders a cup of coffee with a neighbor in the morning a couple of drinks, a couple of pills a Little psychoanalysis...." "Where are you now, alex?" "Exactly where I want to be and I'm doing fine." "Pretending to be somebody else..." "to be half of what you are." "How Long can you Last Like that?" "The world keeps growing, and you feed it." "But it doesn't feed you, does it?" "It washes through you, down the drain, wasted." "A woman is a hole, isn't that what they say?" "AII the futility of the world pouring into her." "How much can you take, alex?" "How much can you take before you snap?" "Lying on your bed, Looking at the ceiling waiting for something to happen." "And knowing all the time you were meant for something better." "Feeling it." "Wanting it." "Use me, alex." "Use me." "Fill me up." "I can take it." "Make it happen." "Don't wait." "Time is the killer." "Make it happen." "Do it, alex." "Do it now." "You sit there in that pathetic excuse of an office reporting gossip while under your very nose evil is doing its worst." "You have no spine, Clyde." "Not one ounce of morality." "Christ!" "Even common sense." "Nuclear holocaust." "Murder." "Rape." "Apartheid!" "Why, these words mean nothing to you." "It's just a Local newspaper." "It is Local turpitude." "You are a failure, Clyde!" "You should be strung up along with that son of a bitch who bought that house!" "Call the nurse!" "I am in pain!" "Then take the pill." "I don't want to." "I'm not going to force it on you." "Is it Alzheimer's?" "It's the bone marrow." "When a bone breaks bits of fat get in the bloodstream and the blood vessels of the brain." "It affects the behavior." "She's hysterical." "She says things that I don't know where they're coming from." "It's the bone marrow?" "Yes." "She'll be very upset." "She'll say terrible things." "She may even be paranoid." "It is perfectly normal." "It will pass." "What's happening to me, Clyde?" "It's all right, sweetheart." "I open my mouth and the strangest things come out." "You've had a hard time and you're tired." "Try to sleep." "Something is inside me, Clyde." "Something is crawling inside me." "I can feel it." "Something evil." "It's almost here." "You!" "In there!" "At Last we meet." "Daryl Van Horne." "Cream and sugar?" "Sugar." "One lump or two?" "Four." "Sweet tooth." "Sweet everything." "I'm a sugar junkie." "Sugar, chocolate, Coca-Cola...." "Uncontrollable appetite..." "in every department." "That's not good for you." "It doesn't bother me." "I have a supernatural constitution." "It's genetic." "I don't hold on this health consciousness shit." "Pardon the language." "I see guys, 60 70, breaking their balls to stay fit." "What for?" "When I die, I want to be sick, not healthy." "I suppose that's one way of Looking at it." "Do I make you nervous?" "Yes, you do!" "I'm sorry." "I don't know why I said that." "Truth is best." "Yes, that's so true." "So what brings you to Eastwick?" "We're going to have a polite conversation." "I'm sorry." "No, I don't mind." "I came to Eastwick because I was drawn here." "I needed a place to settle down and I liked the house." "It has a history." "Rubbish." "No, it's true." "They say they used to burn witches there." "Hocus pocus." "The entire witchcraft scare as far back as the 14th century, was started by the medical profession." "They were trying to get the midwives out of the childbirthing business." "That's what most of the women they burned were." "Midwives." "Is that true?" "You better believe it." "Just another example of male-dominated professional society exploiting females for their own selfish purposes." "Men are such cocksuckers, aren't they?" "You don't have to answer that." "It's true." "Their dicks get limp when confronted by a powerful woman, so what do they do?" "Call them witches." "Burn them, torture them until every woman is afraid." "Afraid of herself afraid of men." "And all for what?" "Fear of losing their hard-on." "Let's play some music." "You play beautifully." "Nothing compared to you." "You're an artist." "Intonation." "Vibrato." "Stretch." "You think I'm crazy, but I know music." "It's the one thing that makes me humble." "Not prissy?" "Our leader says my intonation is prissy." "You have precision." "Precision is not prissy." "Precision is the foundation of passion." "Passion without precision...chaos." "Look at your thumb." "Your sublime thumb position." "You really keep the pressure on." "Most men can't, but you...." "You have the most beautiful callus." "This hand...." "This is your failure." "Your bowing sucks." "My bowing?" "Why?" "Your spiccato sounds Like marcato." "Your legato Like detached." "You kill the passion." "Let it go." "Why are you holding back?" "These aren't just notes you're playing they're phrases." "Human outcries." "I understand that!" "And I practice!" "I practice until my fingers bleed!" "I know." "It's the sixteenth notes in the allegro." "I can't do it!" "Yes, you can." "It's no good." "I don't have it." "I can't do it." "Yes, you can." "Trust me." "Trust me." "Try it." "Try it." "Let it go." "What are you afraid of?" "You have great passion in you." "Let it out!" "I can take it." "I want it!" "Yes, that's it." "Breathe into it." "Don't tighten up." "Feel it." "Hold it." "Love it!" "That's it." "That's right." "Now!" "That's right." "Do you feel that?" "Let it wash over you." "Let it tickle you." "Did you miss me?" "Do you want to listen to some tapes?" "I'm out here!" "Let's go." "What is that?" "We're going to be Late." "Carol, the number is on the fridge!" "But you're not dressed." "I'm not naked." "I don't believe it!" "Neither do I!" "But I swear to God, I couldn't walk for two days." "His penis is amazing." "It bends the wrong way." "The wrong...?" "Wait a minute!" "It bends Like that!" "You're terrible." "No, I'm fabulous!" "But just because you went to bed with him" "No, it's not just that!" "It's Like he knows me." "He knows everything!" "I can't wait for you to meet him." "And I can't wait for Jane to meet him!" "Jane will Love him!" "Is that you?" "Did you come to fix the plumbing?" "I didn't have time to change." "What's your excuse?" "I don't need one." "I was invited." "So was I." "Darling!" "Are we Late?" "Not at all." "Weren't we playing singles?" "You don't play tennis." "I do now." "At Last we meet." "Let me look at those eyes of yours." "You are a fertile creature, aren't you?" "Thank you, I think." "I'm reading that rag of a newspaper." "You are a genius." "Wasted." "Pearls before swine." "When are we going to do our interview?" "I Love interviews." "They're so intimate." "Anytime you say." "Just the two of us, banging away, head to head." "But not today." "Today is for tennis." "Are you ready, Ladies?" "What a day!" "What a day!" "Is that your perfume?" "Double fault!" "I'm not blind or deaf!" "You don't have to shout!" "We're all good friends." "Let's play fair." "I always play fair, okay?" "Love-forty, Jane." "What do you mean?" "Don't let them rattle you." "They're just trying to get you." "Let's go." "Sorry, darling." "Lost my head." "Fault." "I've got it!" "It's not coming down." "Come on." "Our game." "Sukie serves." "Stop!" "Good going, Daryl." "Maleficio!" "This drink is strong." "What is it?" "Rum...vodka brandy acid." "I'm only kidding." "I don't mind." "Drugs have no effect on me." "Neither does alcohol." "It's true." "It's boring, but it's true." "Are you going to seduce me, too?" "Yes." "How?" "I don't know." "I should warn you." "I get pregnant." "I get pregnant all the time." "At the drop of a hat." "From borrowing your toothbrush." "I'II keep that in mind." "That doesn't bother you?" "You're not Like other men, are you?" "I'm not." "Most men, well, my husband, try to keep everything under control pretend everything is normal." "Always rational, always an explanation for everything." "Men need that, don't they?" "To feel...everything is solid." "And the world just isn't Like that." "Certainly not with you three around." "We're not so different from other women." "Women are more natural, right?" "And nature is crazy, no matter what science says." "So I don't mind." "You don't mind what?" "I don't mind when peculiar things happen." "It's natural because the world is a peculiar place." "And you're a very peculiar person." "Thank you." "I would Love to be a woman." "Really?" "Why?" "Just Look what you can do with your bodies." "Make babies and make milk to feed the babies." "If I could do that...." "Who are you, really?" "Anybody you want me to be." "Look at what they can do." "These are human beings." "When you're a kid and don't understand anything you think when you grow up it will all make sense." "Then when you grow up, you keep waiting for the day." "You think it ever happens?" "It starts when you open your eyes and realize what the future has in store for you." "And what do you see when you open your eyes?" "It's a short Life, isn't it?" "Sometimes I Look in the mirror and I see everything disintegrating faster and faster." "I always see snakes." "Hundreds of them." "They crawl all over me and I disappear." "Then I'm just not there anymore." "I don't mind that it's a short Life or growing old or disappearing." "It's the pain that scares me." "I don't know why there has to be so much pain." "We don't deal the deck down here, we just play the percentages." "Whores." "Whores!" "Whores!" "Look around you." "Look around you." "Do you see what's happening?" "In our town." "In our very homes!" "You know who I'm talking about." "You know!" "You know what's going on in that house!" "There is vice!" "There's perversions!" "Shamelessness!" "Cavorting with that...devil!" "She's fine." "She's sick." "No!" "Drugs!" "Drugs are next." "Murder!" "Rape!" "Incest!" "Spanish flies!" "Dildos!" "Anal intercourse!" "Listen to me!" "Sorry!" "Let's go home, Felicia." "You employ one of them, Clyde." "That's nobody's business." "It is everybody's business!" "You know, once...there was a paradise." "Then a serpent came into that garden." "For Christ's sake, Felicia, would you stop?" "I have nothing against a good fuck." "But there is danger here." "Somebody has to do something about it." "Okay, stop." "Stop!" "Stop." "Let's get rid of the music." "Throw it away!" "Get rid of it." "Let's get rid of the music." "I want you all to close your eyes." "Take a deep breath." "Let it all out." "Now we'll pick up our instruments and when I count to four we'll play the shit out of this thing." "That's it, just relax." "Take it easy." "Good." "Nice!" "Smile." "Come on, smile, Martha." "Just Let it flow over you." "Good." "Let it tickle you now." "You've got it now." "Come on!" "It's yours!" "These aren't phrases, these are human outcries!" "Double, double chocolate." "These are fabulous." "Are you buying the paper or not?" "Slut." "What did you say?" "You heard her." "She's not wearing a bra." "How could you do this?" "We didn't use any names except for Van Horne." "You don't know what goes on there." "The whole town is talking about it." "This is so unfair." "It's also untrue." "He filled in the wetlands and ruined it for the birds." "He altered the Landmark building and the town is suing him for $2 million." "How can you do this to me?" "I work very hard and you know I'm a good writer." "I don't own the newspaper, you know." "It's Felicia, isn't it?" "She's a very sick woman." "She's having a very bad time." "And I don't know what to do." "I want her to see a doctor." "Well, not a doctor, you know, but a...doctor." "We went to high school together." "She was a catch." "Ever since the accident, she just hasn't been the same." "And now...." "I'm so sorry, Clyde." "What am I doing?" "Firing me." "AII these terrible things she says they're not true, are they?" "We should stop seeing each other." "Let's not overreact." "I think we should." "It's a small town, Daryl." "We haven't done anything wrong." "Why stop seeing each other?" "Clyde says that Felicia has visions." "Why women always have visions?" "She sees the devil here in Eastwick." "If you were the devil, would you come to Eastwick?" "Oh, I don't know." "Poor Felicia." "Poor Felicia?" "She talked to all of my students' mothers." "I had 12 cancellations this week." "People tell Carol her mother is a dyke." "You're being sued for millions." "That is inconvenient." "She's not kidding with her medieval morality." "I think Sukie is right." "Maybe we should stop." "Maybe she should stop." "You can't be serious." "We're a family." "Just for a while until things settle down." "Don't Let her get to you." "Have a cherry." "They are selling pornography at Schyler's News Shop." "In the open." "On the shelves." "Children are Looking at this...." "It's in broad daylight." "I can't understand one word you're saying!" "They're standing in line...." "Filth in broad daylight." "She made a scene at Schyler's." "Grabbing magazines from kids and chasing them." "She's in pain." "Clyde, too." "He started drinking again." "She's twisted." "Getting to me through my kid is sick." "We could help." "By putting her out of her misery." "Please." "They're Lucky to have each other." "If they don't appreciate that, I have no sympathy." "Easy for you to say." "You don't have kids or a family." "You're my family." "I don't want to lose it." "I just can't stand to see you upset." "You don't know what it does to me." "I wish she would just go away." "Have another cherry." "He's trying to get inside me." "He's trying to use me." "And he's using these women, too." "He wants to take our goodness." "He wants to get inside me." "Just Like a man." "Tickle, diddle." "God made us in the image of goodness." "Look what we've become." "Animals gone mad devouring the earth and each other." "Eat, eat, eat, eat!" "Felicia, calm down." "I know who he is, Clyde." "Have another cherry." "What have you been eating?" "Those poor women." "I have to warn them." "He'll propagate, Clyde." "He will increase his number." "Those women are going to bear him sons." "He's going to take their Love and destroy the Earth with it." "Let's call it a day." "I don't believe it." "I know him." "He couldn't do this." "alex, don't you get it?" "God!" "Us!" "Last night, all that talk." "Those were just words." "They make things happen." "We make things happen." "We had nothing to do with this." "Yes, we do!" "We should talk to Daryl." "Why?" "Why do we have to do everything Daryl says?" "She's right." "Some man comes along and nothing else matters!" "You are so dumb, Jane." "This is about us, not Daryl." "Let's call him." "Can't you stop thinking from between your legs?" "You bitch!" "Shut up, Sukie!" "Anybody called?" "Remember me?" "How are you?" "I'm hanging in there." "What do you want?" "Nothing." "I just called to see how you are." "See how things were going." "I'm fine." "I wanted to...see how you were." "Make sure you were okay." "Make sure you didn't have any uncontrollable desire to see me." "In case you were missing me and you were too embarrassed to call I called first." "Then you could feel superior and see me at the same time." "What do you say?" "I don't feel superior." "I feel terrible." "I feel terrible, too." "If we both feel terrible, can't we do something about it?" "What's going on here?" "Nobody's calling me." "Nobody's coming to see me." "We need a Little time, okay?" "No, it's not okay, alex." "I don't understand." "Somebody died, Daryl." "Felicia is dead!" "People die all the time." "She was in a bad way." "What does that have to do with us?" "I can't talk to you." "Don't call me, because I" "Don't hang up!" "alex, don't do this!" "This is not fair!" "Happy birthday!" "It's not my birthday." "It isn't?" "You sure?" "Well, what the hell." "Happy whatever day." "These are my favorite fruits." "I can't accept those, Daryl." "I'm freezing my nuts off out here." "I can't ask you in, I'm sorry." "Not even for a Little while?" "Just to dry off." "Talk to the kids maybe." "No." "You have to go away." "You have to go away now!" "I can't see you or talk to you." "I'm sorry, Daryl, but I can't!" "Jane?" "What's wrong with me?" "Nothing." "You're pregnant." "Three or four weeks." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "I thought something was really wrong." "Are you sure?" "Do you need a doctor?" "Thank you so much." "Ms. Spofford, your clothes." "I want to surprise him." "It's a short life, isn't it?" "I look in the mirror and see everything disintegrating faster and faster." "It's a short life, isn't it?" "I look in the mirror and see everything disintegrating faster and faster." "They crawl all over me and I disappear." "Then I'm just not there anymore." "alex!" "I always see snakes." "Hundreds of them." "They crawl all over me and I disappear." "Then I'm just not there." "alex, it's me." "It's me." "Just Let it go." "Let it go!" "Look at me!" "Pain scares me." "I don't know why there has to be so much pain." "I don't know why there has to be so much pain." "Can we talk?" "She's still hemorrhaging." "We slowed it down, but...." "Will she be okay?" "If we knew what was wrong, we'd have a chance." "Can we see her?" "She's still in a Lot of pain." "I can't give her anything until we know what we're dealing with." "Okay." "Go ahead." "Sweetheart, the doctor says you'll be fine." "He doesn't know what's going on." "I'm pregnant." "So am I." "That son of a bitch." "Make him stop, please." "Make him stop." "I will, honey." "I will." "Back off, Fidel!" "alex?" "Don't "alex" me!" "What a nice surprise." "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I said: "What the hell do you think you're doing?"" "A Little housework." "I send these shirts out and they come back in pieces." "Small town." "Not enough Orientals." "Fidel's all thumbs with this kind of thing." "That just leaves me." "I'm not talking about your damn laundry, I'm talking about Sukie and Jane and me." "Golly." "You girls sure are having a hard time, aren't you?" "Sukie is very ill." "Well, I'm sorry to hear it." "Then do something about it!" "Me?" "What can I do about it?" "It has nothing to do with me anymore." "It does, and you know it does!" "No, I don't." "AII I know is we were friends and the next day I was shut out." "That's all I know." "One minute I was the answer to your prayers." "Five minutes later, no one would give me the time of day." "Sukie could die!" "Don't you understand that?" "I can't help it." "Yes, you can." "Don't lie to me." "You deserted me." "We had a deal." "That's no reason" "Yes, it is!" "You pissed me off!" "Was I supposed to take it Like a man?" "I gave you everything I got!" "I gave you more than anybody ever has, and what do I get in exchange?" "A Little thank you?" "A Little gratitude?" "I get screwed!" "Oh, cut the crap!" "What do you want from us?" "I want somebody to do these shirts!" "I want somebody to pay attention to me!" "I want some respect!" "I want somebody to take care of me for a change!" "How about that?" "What do I want?" "Christ!" "What does any man want?" "A Little affection." "A Little trust." "Goddamn it." "Everything I did..." "I did for you." "I was wrong." "Go ahead." "Go back to your miserable Little Life." "Fuck me if I care!" "If that's what you want..." "that's what you'll get." "You are not the only three women in the world." "You're hurting people, Daryl." "What you did for us was great." "But you can't use your power to hurt people." "Don't you understand that?" "I want my family back together, that's all." "You and Sukie and Jane." "I couldn't hurt Sukie." "I couldn't hurt any of you." "How could I?" "I Love you." "You don't know what Love is." "I can learn." "You could teach me." "How hard can it be?" "Let's not fight." "You can't win." "There's no way you can win." "There's nothing to go back to, even if you could win." "Can't we just put this behind us and be friends?" "See?" "Isn't that nice?" "Tell the truth." "You missed me a Little bit, didn't you?" "Let's kiss and make it better." "What do you say?" "What are we going to do with you?" "It stopped." "Darling, you Look perfect." "You Look gorgeous." "Feeling better?" "Much better." "Everything's going to be much better." "We're going to town." "The Ladies have a craving for bagels and ice cream." "Three pinches." "I'd Like, uh dozen bagels, a pound of gravlax and what kind of ice cream do you have?" "No ice cream." "The freezer's broken." "I'II take the bread and the fish." "It doesn't Look Like him." "It doesn't have to." "We know who it is." "He Looks funny with no hair." "It won't hurt him, will it?" "No." "We just want to send him away." "No ice cream." "Imagine that." "I'II go see if I can't get some." "You go shopping." "I said, "A tall, dark prince traveling under a curse." ""Somebody nice." ""Somebody you could talk to."" "I'd Like some pistachio." "That is pistachio?" "And chocolate chocolate chip." "Are you okay?" "No, my Leg!" "What is it?" "What's the matter?" "Are you having a heart attack?" "Girls!" "What are you doing?" "Girls!" "Girls!" "Please, don't!" ""Elijah fled to the mount of God." ""The Lord passed by and a great, strong wind rent the mountains..." ""...and breaked in pieces the rocks before the Lord...."" "Sorry." "Just having a Little trouble." "A Little...trouble at home." "A Little domestic problem." "Nothing...to be alarmed at." "Just a Little...female problem." "Don't pay any attention." "It's a cheap trick." "Anybody can do it." "I taught it to them myself." "Ungrateful Little bitches, aren't they?" "I want to ask you something." "You all go to church." "Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman?" "No shit!" "I really want to know." "Or do you think it was one of His minor mistakes?" "Like tidal waves!" "Earthquakes!" "Floods!" "Do you think women are Like that?" "What's the matter?" "You don't think God makes mistakes?" "Of course He does." "We all make mistakes." "Of course, we make mistakes, they call it evil." "When God makes mistakes, they call it...nature." "So what do you think?" "Women...a mistake?" "Or did He do it to us on purpose?" "I really want to know!" "If it's a mistake, maybe we can do something about it!" "Find a cure!" "Invent a vaccine." "Build up our immune systems." "Get a Little exercise." "Twenty push-ups a day and you never have to be afflicted with women, ever again!" "Okay, that's it." "How do we know it worked?" "I guess we just wait and see." "My God, Look at this place." "Just in case." "The doll." "Jane, laugh!" "Come here." "Look at Fidel." "What does he have for you?" "Janey, stop it." "Just stop it." "I can think about him if I want to." "Not when we're all together." "I can't help it." "I miss him." "I do, and so do you." "Admit it." "Okay, we admit it." "Do you want him back?" "Take it easy." "We don't want the whole household in here, do we?" "That's it." "Good boys." "We're going to do just fine." "Come to Daddy and give me a big kiss." "Come to Daddy." "Oh, ladies, come on." "You don't have to come if you don't want to." "I want to, but I have a million things to do first." "Mom, what's this?" "Peanut butter." "Peanut butter and what?" "Peanut butter and jelly." "What kind of jelly?" "Zucchini jelly." "How we doing?" "We're doing fine, Walter." "Just fine." "I wish we could afford to keep you full time." "So do I, especially now." "Is the divorce final yet?" "Yes, today." "Thank you." "Let's put our heads together and maybe we can work something out." "Horns up." "One, two, three, four...." "We appreciate your taking the time to be here with us today." "A big hand for our most prominent selectman or selectwoman or selectperson, Felicia Alden." "Thank you, children and Miss Spofford." "I can see we have our work cut out for us?" "In these days of disintegrating values and lost mores when our children are exposed daily to the hazards of divorce, separation and families torn asunder it's comforting to think back to the days when a family like the Lenox family strove together." "The values of that time, embodied in a man Like Major Lenox...." "They were men who labored all their lives so their children would be well-fed, clothed and educated." "The families went through great hardship yet kept their honor their dignity and their faith in God." "We are the same people;" "the same body, the soul the hands and the feet of our fathers fighting the wars of modern vice." "What was it that tied these people together?" "What was it that made them not a loose gathering of individuals, but a single bond?" "That bond that held them together, as it holds us together today." "That bond that has stood every test is found deep in our consciousness." "An abiding love of liberty." "For Love of Liberty, our forbears colonists few in number and with little to defend themselves fought the war for independence what was then the world's most powerful empire." "For Love of Liberty those who came before us tamed a vast wilderness and braved hardships tamed a vast wilderness and braved hardships which at times were beyond the limit" "Braved hardships, which at times were beyond the Limit of human endurance." "Come on." "Go with your mom." "Go on." "Liberty must not be taken for granted." "We thank God for our blessings...." "Do you believe it's raining?" "Duh!" "I mean, since this morning." "At least it shut Walter up." "The same boring, sanctimonious speech." "I thought he'd go on forever." "I was praying for something to happen." "I was thinking the exact same thing." "You were?" "I was thinking we're all wet and how nice it would be to just leave." "And then it rained." "He's a liar and a leech and he deserved it." "I'm not talking about Walter." "Don't you think it's strange that we were" "We're thinking the same thing at the same time?" "So what?" "It won't get us on David Letterman." "Let's have a drink." "Good idea, Janey, party-baby!" "He made a pass at me last week, too." "I can't stand to think about it." "Be prepared." "He does not give up easily." "It was broad daylight and his wife was standing ten feet away!" "Poor woman." "Poor woman, my ass." "Why does she put up with it?" "The man is a Nazi." "Do you think they still...you know?" "Yes." "Really." "I hope his dick is bigger than his I.Q." "Once a week." "He told me." "He told you." "Otherwise she starts throwing things." "At Least someone's getting something once a week." "Yes, heartburn." "I keep forgetting how many calories are in these." "Two minutes on the lips forever on the Love handles." "And congratulations." "Thank you." "Oh, God, I forgot." "Your divorce." "As of today, I'm a free woman." "Join the club." "Thanks." "Here I go again." "It's over, honey." "You'll be okay." "It's a beginning, not an ending." "Right, alex?" "Besides, we still have each other." "Have some more martooni." "Did you bring the cards?" "Was I supposed to?" "I have them." "Okay, come on ladies, let's do it!" "I feel Like I'm being unfaithful even if I just...think about it." "Monty deserted you and left you with five kids." "Six." "Don't start, alex." "Her husband Left 'cause she has too many kids." "That's his problem." "You're oversimplifying." "Yours Left 'cause you can't have any." "You are definitely oversimplifying." "That's not the point." "What I'm saying is that it's not your fault." "That doesn't matter." "It's just not that easy." "We're too young to lock it up and throw away the key." "It's not natural." "What are we doing with ourselves?" "Look, Ozzie's dead." "I loved him." "He's dead." "So I spend Thursday nights with you two the rest of my life?" "I Like our Thursday nights." "It's the only time I can relax." "Sure: quilting, macramé." "What did we do Last Thursday night?" "Chinese aphrodisiac cooking." "Stimulating." "We're not relaxing, we're hiding." "What from?" "Walter Neff." "Fuck Walter Neff." "I'm not talking about him." "AII right, who should we be looking for?" "Somebody nice." "Somebody you could Like." "Somebody with a brain." "Somebody you could talk to." "Somebody you could really be yourself with." "Someone to watch" "Over me." "AII right, I've had it with you two." "He would definitely have to be from out of town." "Especially considering what's in town." "A stranger." "That would be interesting." "A tall, dark prince traveling under a curse." "In Eastwick?" "Romantic." "A foreign prince on a big, black horse." "If we're going to have it Let's have it all." "Handsome." "He should be really handsome." "Not too handsome." "Nice eyes." "Nice ass." "Huge." "I prefer small." "Aesthetically, I prefer small." "Sam was huge and there were times when I could not face it." "I'm in the middle myself." "But who cares?" "As long as it works, it's in." "It's a nice thought, but wishing for it won't make it happen." "Men are not the answer to everything." "So why do we always end up talking about them?" "I said, some man bought the Lenox mansion." "Did you hear me?" "Yeah." "Who is he?" "He's from New York, no wife, no family." "He told the realtors he needed all that room for his pianos." "Apparently, he had a lot of pianos." "How many pianos can one guy have?" "Don't you think it's kind of..." "strange and funny?" "What's his name?" "You know, that's strange, too." "What's strange about his name?" "They told me his name for the column and I forgot it." "So I called back and it's gone again." "It's not Like me to forget a name." "It's the big news of the day considering the history of the place." "I wonder if he knows." "I don't know." "Is that Clyde and Felicia?" "I have the culinary piece." ""Cheeseburger pie"?" "Is your column finished?" "Here's the track meet, births and deaths, the senior citizens' news." "The toxic waste article should be done this afternoon." "This pie looks good." "Did you hear someone bought the Lenox mansion." "The house is landmark building." "They have no right to sell it." "I can't do anything about that." "You're too busy reporting on the horse trough and Herbie Prescott's trip to Bermuda." "What's going to happen to those birds now?" "Tell me that." "What birds?" "The snowy egrets." "Where will they nest?" "I don't know." "Exactly." "Felicia, what's the matter?" "It's only a house." "Why are you so upset?" "I have a feeling." "The most terrible feeling." "Something is happening." "Something evil." "I'm just glad they're selling." "I was starting to think" "They're not selling, they sold." "Just Like that." "I don't understand." "You know I adore the Little creatures." "So unreal, and yet the detail." "Little fingers and toes, Little pudenda making a bump." "So sweet." "But nobody's even looked at them sideways in months." "Then this morning this man appeared out of absolutely nowhere." "So charming." "Not really handsome, but...riveting." "That's it." "I was riveted." "I Looked into his eyes and had thoughts I hadn't entertained since World War II." "I actually...blushed." "Can you imagine?" "No, I mean, yeah." "So he bought one?" "He bought all of them." "Every single one." "So who was he?" "A tourist?" "No, he just bought the Lenox house." "He's moving in." "Do you remember his name?" "Of course." "His name is...." "He told me." "I wrote it down." "It was foreign." "It sounded, uh...." "It's right on the tip of my tongue, but I can't...." "Isn't that diabolical?" "What is that noise?" "I don't know." "Bravis!" "He bought all of them?" "And now he's here." "Making goo-goo eyes at Jane." "And the interview, too." "How weird." "Didn't I tell you?" "Oh, it was after we talked." "The paper called him and asked to interview him" "About the house renovation and all." "He said he'd Love to be interviewed and asked for me." "I don't know why he wants me to do the interview." "Who is he?" "He must have a name." "I just can't remember it." "Why would he ask for you?" "Because I'm good at it." "You act Like I'm so stupid." "He was in my shop." "You're not stupid." "But how does he know who Sukie Ridgemont is?" "I don't know." "He bought the Lenox estate just Like that." "He has some kind of a foreign name." "Van something or other." "How sweet." "They're from him." "With a personal note." "Just "D."" "Yeah, it starts with a "D."" "David?" "No." "It has an "R" in it." "Doberman?" "Drake?" "Darren." "It's "D" something, "R" something, "L." Daryl!" "Van Horne." "Daryl Van Horne." "What kind of a name is that?" "Oh, Clyde, honey." "I think I broke my leg." "Looking for me?" "Are you Looking for me?" "Or is this just a happy coincidence?" "Actually, I was" "Just Looking." "Well, too bad." "Have you seen any snowy egrets out here?" "Neither have I." "Not that I'd know a snowy egret if I was pissing on one." "You want some lunch?" "I think it's a Little late in the season." "For Lunch?" "For pissing on birds." "The local sculptress." "The one who makes the booby dolls." "They're just Little" "But...potent." "Full of juice." "Potent." "You can feel it when you pick them up." "I sent a couple to New York." "I have a friend down there." "Terrific fellow." "He has a gallery." "I wanted to hear his opinion." "Of course the scale is wrong." "Get bigger." "Let yourself go." "Get some size into it." "Do you Like fish?" "We're having fish for Lunch." "Interesting, huh?" "Fidel, that's his name." "Women Love him." "They're crazy about him." "He has a big schlong." "Huge." "Well, there you are." "Scale again." "Size." "Who knows, maybe it's a masculine thing." "They say women don't care." "I'm in the middle myself." "How about you?" "How about me, what?" "See, women are in touch with different things." "That's my opinion." "It's not a fashionable one right now, but fuck it!" "I see men running around, putting their dicks into everything, trying to make something happen." "But it's women who are the source, the only power." "Nature." "Birth." "Rebirth." "Cliché." "Cliché." "Sure." "But true." "Why are you telling me this?" "You're an honest woman." "I'm being honest with you." "I Like women." "I admire them." "But if you want me to treat you Like a dumb twit, I will." "But what for?" "You have brains." "More than brains." "But you don't know it." "Most women don't." "Are you married?" "Good question!" "You see?" "Brains." "The answer is no." "I don't believe in it." "Good for the man." "Lousy for the woman." "She dies." "She suffocates." "I've seen it." "Then the husband complains to everyone that he's fucking a dead person." "And he's the one who killed her." "Where is your husband?" "Dead." "Sorry, but you're one of the lucky ones." "When a woman unloads a husband or a husband unloads a woman however it happens:" "death, desertion, divorce...." "When that happens, a woman blooms." "She blossoms." "Like flowers." "Like fruit." "She is ripe." "That's the woman for me." "Would you Like to see my house?" "In case anybody ever needed any exercise the pool is right over there, past the piano where the ballroom used to be." "Interesting word..."ballroom."" "It's one of my favorites." "Over there is, uh my study." "This is my bedroom." "Yes, it is." "The Borgias once owned the bed." "Of course, you have to pay for it with your soul, but what the hell, I deserve a Little luxury." "You have to take care of yourself." "No one will do that for you, will they?" "What do you think you're doing?" "Being as direct with you as I know how." "I thought you'd appreciate it." "I always Like a Little pussy after Lunch." "What do you say?" "Are you trying to seduce me?" "I wouldn't dream of seducing you, Alexandra." "I wouldn't insult your intelligence with anything as trivial as seduction." "But, I would Love to fuck you." "I have to admit that I appreciate your directness, Daryl." "I will try to be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be." "I think...." "No, I am positive that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire Life." "This afternoon, you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered some new ones." "You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid." "You have no taste, no sense of humor and you smell." "You're not even interesting enough to make me sick." "Would you Like to be on top or the bottom?" "Good-bye Daryl, and thank you for a lovely Lunch." "If that's the way you feel about it that's the way you feel about it." "Is that the way you feel about it?" "Who are you?" "Just your average horny Little devil." "I have to get home." "What have you got to go home to?" "There isn't anybody there, is there?" "The kid will take care of herself." "She'll eat and fall asleep on the bed doing homework." "I promise." "And house cleaning." "You clean up the dirt, there's just more dirt tomorrow." "Make the beds, they just have to be made tomorrow." "Wash the dishes." "There's more to wash tomorrow." "I have to make" "Make dinner?" "It just gets eaten." "You've done your best, alex." "You've done the wife bit, the motherhood bit." "The car pools, the vegetable garden needlepoint, the macramé potholders a cup of coffee with a neighbor in the morning a couple of drinks, a couple of pills a Little psychoanalysis...." "Where are you now, alex?" "Exactly where I want to be and I'm doing fine." "Pretending to be somebody else..." "to be half of what you are." "How Long can you Last Like that?" "The world keeps growing, and you feed it." "But it doesn't feed you, does it?" "It washes through you, down the drain, wasted." "A woman is a hole, isn't that what they say?" "AII the futility of the world pouring into her." "How much can you take, alex?" "How much can you take before you snap?" "Lying on your bed, Looking at the ceiling waiting for something to happen." "And knowing all the time you were meant for something better." "Feeling it." "Wanting it." "Use me, alex." "Use me." "Fill me up." "I can take it." "Make it happen." "Don't wait." "Time is the killer." "Make it happen." "Do it, alex." "Do it now." "You sit there in that pathetic excuse of an office reporting gossip while under your very nose evil is doing its worst." "You have no spine, Clyde." "Not one ounce of morality." "Christ!" "Even common sense." "Nuclear holocaust." "Murder." "Rape." "Apartheid!" "Why, these words mean nothing to you." "It's just a Local newspaper." "It is Local turpitude." "You are a failure, Clyde!" "You should be strung up along with that son of a bitch who bought that house!" "Call the nurse!" "I am in pain!" "Then take the pill." "I don't want to." "I'm not going to force it on you." "Is it Alzheimer's?" "It's the bone marrow." "When a bone breaks bits of fat get in the bloodstream and the blood vessels of the brain." "It affects the behavior." "She's hysterical." "She says things that I don't know where they're coming from." "It's the bone marrow?" "Yes." "She'll be very upset." "She'll say terrible things." "She may even be paranoid." "It is perfectly normal." "It will pass." "What's happening to me, Clyde?" "It's all right, sweetheart." "I open my mouth and the strangest things come out." "You've had a hard time and you're tired." "Try to sleep." "Something is inside me, Clyde." "Something is crawling inside me." "I can feel it." "Something evil." "It's almost here." "You!" "In there!" "At Last we meet." "Daryl Van Horne." "Cream and sugar?" "Sugar." "One lump or two?" "Four." "Sweet tooth." "Sweet everything." "I'm a sugar junkie." "Sugar, chocolate, Coca-Cola...." "Uncontrollable appetite..." "in every department." "That's not good for you." "It doesn't bother me." "I have a supernatural constitution." "It's genetic." "I don't hold on this health consciousness shit." "Pardon the language." "I see guys, 60 70, breaking their balls to stay fit." "What for?" "When I die, I want to be sick, not healthy." "I suppose that's one way of Looking at it." "Do I make you nervous?" "Yes, you do!" "I'm sorry." "I don't know why I said that." "Truth is best." "Yes, that's so true." "So what brings you to Eastwick?" "We're going to have a polite conversation." "I'm sorry." "No, I don't mind." "I came to Eastwick because I was drawn here." "I needed a place to settle down and I liked the house." "It has a history." "Rubbish." "No, it's true." "They say they used to burn witches there." "Hocus pocus." "The entire witchcraft scare as far back as the 14th century, was started by the medical profession." "They were trying to get the midwives out of the childbirthing business." "That's what most of the women they burned were." "Midwives." "Is that true?" "You better believe it." "Just another example of male-dominated professional society exploiting females for their own selfish purposes." "Men are such cocksuckers, aren't they?" "You don't have to answer that." "It's true." "Their dicks get limp when confronted by a powerful woman, so what do they do?" "Call them witches." "Burn them, torture them until every woman is afraid." "Afraid of herself afraid of men." "And all for what?" "Fear of losing their hard-on." "Let's play some music." "You play beautifully." "Nothing compared to you." "You're an artist." "Intonation." "Vibrato." "Stretch." "You think I'm crazy, but I know music." "It's the one thing that makes me humble." "Not prissy?" "Our leader says my intonation is prissy." "You have precision." "Precision is not prissy." "Precision is the foundation of passion." "Passion without precision...chaos." "Look at your thumb." "Your sublime thumb position." "You really keep the pressure on." "Most men can't, but you...." "You have the most beautiful callus." "This hand...." "This is your failure." "Your bowing sucks." "My bowing?" "Why?" "Your spiccato sounds Like marcato." "Your legato Like detached." "You kill the passion." "Let it go." "Why are you holding back?" "These aren't just notes you're playing they're phrases." "Human outcries." "I understand that!" "And I practice!" "I practice until my fingers bleed!" "I know." "It's the sixteenth notes in the allegro." "I can't do it!" "Yes, you can." "It's no good." "I don't have it." "I can't do it." "Yes, you can." "Trust me." "Trust me." "Try it." "Try it." "Let it go." "What are you afraid of?" "You have great passion in you." "Let it out!" "I can take it." "I want it!" "Yes, that's it." "Breathe into it." "Don't tighten up." "Feel it." "Hold it." "Love it!" "That's it." "That's right." "Now!" "That's right." "Do you feel that?" "Let it wash over you." "Let it tickle you." "Did you miss me?" "Do you want to listen to some tapes?" "I'm out here!" "Let's go." "What is that?" "We're going to be Late." "Carol, the number is on the fridge!" "But you're not dressed." "I'm not naked." "I don't believe it!" "Neither do I!" "But I swear to God, I couldn't walk for two days." "His penis is amazing." "It bends the wrong way." "The wrong...?" "Wait a minute!" "It bends Like that!" "You're terrible." "No, I'm fabulous!" "But just because you went to bed with him" "No, it's not just that!" "It's Like he knows me." "He knows everything!" "I can't wait for you to meet him." "And I can't wait for Jane to meet him!" "Jane will Love him!" "Is that you?" "Did you come to fix the plumbing?" "I didn't have time to change." "What's your excuse?" "I don't need one." "I was invited." "So was I." "Darling!" "Are we Late?" "Not at all." "Weren't we playing singles?" "You don't play tennis." "I do now." "At Last we meet." "Let me look at those eyes of yours." "You are a fertile creature, aren't you?" "Thank you, I think." "I'm reading that rag of a newspaper." "You are a genius." "Wasted." "Pearls before swine." "When are we going to do our interview?" "I Love interviews." "They're so intimate." "Anytime you say." "Just the two of us, banging away, head to head." "But not today." "Today is for tennis." "Are you ready, Ladies?" "What a day!" "What a day!" "Is that your perfume?" "Double fault!" "I'm not blind or deaf!" "You don't have to shout!" "We're all good friends." "Let's play fair." "I always play fair, okay?" "Love-forty, Jane." "What do you mean?" "Don't let them rattle you." "They're just trying to get you." "Let's go." "Sorry, darling." "Lost my head." "Fault." "I've got it!" "It's not coming down." "Come on." "Our game." "Sukie serves." "Stop!" "Good going, Daryl." "Maleficio!" "This drink is strong." "What is it?" "Rum...vodka brandy acid." "I'm only kidding." "I don't mind." "Drugs have no effect on me." "Neither does alcohol." "It's true." "It's boring, but it's true." "Are you going to seduce me, too?" "Yes." "How?" "I don't know." "I should warn you." "I get pregnant." "I get pregnant all the time." "At the drop of a hat." "From borrowing your toothbrush." "I'II keep that in mind." "That doesn't bother you?" "You're not Like other men, are you?" "I'm not." "Most men, well, my husband, try to keep everything under control pretend everything is normal." "Always rational, always an explanation for everything." "Men need that, don't they?" "To feel...everything is solid." "And the world just isn't Like that." "Certainly not with you three around." "We're not so different from other women." "Women are more natural, right?" "And nature is crazy, no matter what science says." "So I don't mind." "You don't mind what?" "I don't mind when peculiar things happen." "It's natural because the world is a peculiar place." "And you're a very peculiar person." "Thank you." "I would Love to be a woman." "Really?" "Why?" "Just Look what you can do with your bodies." "Make babies and make milk to feed the babies." "If I could do that...." "Who are you, really?" "Anybody you want me to be." "Look at what they can do." "These are human beings." "When you're a kid and don't understand anything you think when you grow up it will all make sense." "Then when you grow up, you keep waiting for the day." "You think it ever happens?" "It starts when you open your eyes and realize what the future has in store for you." "And what do you see when you open your eyes?" "It's a short Life, isn't it?" "Sometimes I Look in the mirror and I see everything disintegrating faster and faster." "I always see snakes." "Hundreds of them." "They crawl all over me and I disappear." "Then I'm just not there anymore." "I don't mind that it's a short Life or growing old or disappearing." "It's the pain that scares me." "I don't know why there has to be so much pain." "We don't deal the deck down here, we just play the percentages." "Whores." "Whores!" "Whores!" "Look around you." "Look around you." "Do you see what's happening?" "In our town." "In our very homes!" "You know who I'm talking about." "You know!" "You know what's going on in that house!" "There is vice!" "There's perversions!" "Shamelessness!" "Cavorting with that...devil!" "She's fine." "She's sick." "No!" "Drugs!" "Drugs are next." "Murder!" "Rape!" "Incest!" "Spanish flies!" "Dildos!" "Anal intercourse!" "Listen to me!" "Sorry!" "Let's go home, Felicia." "You employ one of them, Clyde." "That's nobody's business." "It is everybody's business!" "You know, once...there was a paradise." "Then a serpent came into that garden." "For Christ's sake, Felicia, would you stop?" "I have nothing against a good fuck." "But there is danger here." "Somebody has to do something about it." "Okay, stop." "Stop!" "Stop." "Let's get rid of the music." "Throw it away!" "Get rid of it." "Let's get rid of the music." "I want you all to close your eyes." "Take a deep breath." "Let it all out." "Now we'll pick up our instruments and when I count to four we'll play the shit out of this thing." "That's it, just relax." "Take it easy." "Good." "Nice!" "Smile." "Come on, smile, Martha." "Just Let it flow over you." "Good." "Let it tickle you now." "You've got it now." "Come on!" "It's yours!" "These aren't phrases, these are human outcries!" "Double, double chocolate." "These are fabulous." "Are you buying the paper or not?" "Slut." "What did you say?" "You heard her." "She's not wearing a bra." "How could you do this?" "We didn't use any names except for Van Horne." "You don't know what goes on there." "The whole town is talking about it." "This is so unfair." "It's also untrue." "He filled in the wetlands and ruined it for the birds." "He altered the Landmark building and the town is suing him for $2 million." "How can you do this to me?" "I work very hard and you know I'm a good writer." "I don't own the newspaper, you know." "It's Felicia, isn't it?" "She's a very sick woman." "She's having a very bad time." "And I don't know what to do." "I want her to see a doctor." "Well, not a doctor, you know, but a...doctor." "We went to high school together." "She was a catch." "Ever since the accident, she just hasn't been the same." "And now...." "I'm so sorry, Clyde." "What am I doing?" "Firing me." "AII these terrible things she says they're not true, are they?" "We should stop seeing each other." "Let's not overreact." "I think we should." "It's a small town, Daryl." "We haven't done anything wrong." "Why stop seeing each other?" "Clyde says that Felicia has visions." "Why women always have visions?" "She sees the devil here in Eastwick." "If you were the devil, would you come to Eastwick?" "Oh, I don't know." "Poor Felicia." "Poor Felicia?" "She talked to all of my students' mothers." "I had 12 cancellations this week." "People tell Carol her mother is a dyke." "You're being sued for millions." "That is inconvenient." "She's not kidding with her medieval morality." "I think Sukie is right." "Maybe we should stop." "Maybe she should stop." "You can't be serious." "We're a family." "Just for a while until things settle down." "Don't Let her get to you." "Have a cherry." "They are selling pornography at Schyler's News Shop." "In the open." "On the shelves." "Children are Looking at this...." "It's in broad daylight." "I can't understand one word you're saying!" "They're standing in line...." "Filth in broad daylight." "She made a scene at Schyler's." "Grabbing magazines from kids and chasing them." "She's in pain." "Clyde, too." "He started drinking again." "She's twisted." "Getting to me through my kid is sick." "We could help." "By putting her out of her misery." "Please." "They're Lucky to have each other." "If they don't appreciate that, I have no sympathy." "Easy for you to say." "You don't have kids or a family." "You're my family." "I don't want to lose it." "I just can't stand to see you upset." "You don't know what it does to me." "I wish she would just go away." "Have another cherry." "He's trying to get inside me." "He's trying to use me." "And he's using these women, too." "He wants to take our goodness." "He wants to get inside me." "Just Like a man." "Tickle, diddle." "God made us in the image of goodness." "Look what we've become." "Animals gone mad devouring the earth and each other." "Eat, eat, eat, eat!" "Felicia, calm down." "I know who he is, Clyde." "Have another cherry." "What have you been eating?" "Those poor women." "I have to warn them." "He'll propagate, Clyde." "He will increase his number." "Those women are going to bear him sons." "He's going to take their Love and destroy the Earth with it." "Let's call it a day." "I don't believe it." "I know him." "He couldn't do this." "alex, don't you get it?" "God!" "Us!" "Last night, all that talk." "Those were just words." "They make things happen." "We make things happen." "We had nothing to do with this." "Yes, we do!" "We should talk to Daryl." "Why?" "Why do we have to do everything Daryl says?" "She's right." "Some man comes along and nothing else matters!" "You are so dumb, Jane." "This is about us, not Daryl." "Let's call him." "Can't you stop thinking from between your legs?" "You bitch!" "Shut up, Sukie!" "Anybody called?" "Remember me?" "How are you?" "I'm hanging in there." "What do you want?" "Nothing." "I just called to see how you are." "See how things were going." "I'm fine." "I wanted to...see how you were." "Make sure you were okay." "Make sure you didn't have any uncontrollable desire to see me." "In case you were missing me and you were too embarrassed to call I called first." "Then you could feel superior and see me at the same time." "What do you say?" "I don't feel superior." "I feel terrible." "I feel terrible, too." "If we both feel terrible, can't we do something about it?" "What's going on here?" "Nobody's calling me." "Nobody's coming to see me." "We need a Little time, okay?" "No, it's not okay, alex." "I don't understand." "Somebody died, Daryl." "Felicia is dead!" "People die all the time." "She was in a bad way." "What does that have to do with us?" "I can't talk to you." "Don't call me, because I" "Don't hang up!" "alex, don't do this!" "This is not fair!" "Happy birthday!" "It's not my birthday." "It isn't?" "You sure?" "Well, what the hell." "Happy whatever day." "These are my favorite fruits." "I can't accept those, Daryl." "I'm freezing my nuts off out here." "I can't ask you in, I'm sorry." "Not even for a Little while?" "Just to dry off." "Talk to the kids maybe." "No." "You have to go away." "You have to go away now!" "I can't see you or talk to you." "I'm sorry, Daryl, but I can't!" "Jane?" "What's wrong with me?" "Nothing." "You're pregnant." "Three or four weeks." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "I thought something was really wrong." "Are you sure?" "Do you need a doctor?" "Thank you so much." "Ms. Spofford, your clothes." "I want to surprise him." "It's a short life, isn't it?" "I look in the mirror and see everything disintegrating faster and faster." "It's a short life, isn't it?" "I look in the mirror and see everything disintegrating faster and faster." "They crawl all over me and I disappear." "Then I'm just not there anymore." "alex!" "I always see snakes." "Hundreds of them." "They crawl all over me and I disappear." "Then I'm just not there." "alex, it's me." "It's me." "Just Let it go." "Let it go!" "Look at me!" "Pain scares me." "I don't know why there has to be so much pain." "I don't know why there has to be so much pain." "Can we talk?" "She's still hemorrhaging." "We slowed it down, but...." "Will she be okay?" "If we knew what was wrong, we'd have a chance." "Can we see her?" "She's still in a Lot of pain." "I can't give her anything until we know what we're dealing with." "Okay." "Go ahead." "Sweetheart, the doctor says you'll be fine." "He doesn't know what's going on." "I'm pregnant." "So am I." "That son of a bitch." "Make him stop, please." "Make him stop." "I will, honey." "I will." "Back off, Fidel!" "alex?" "Don't "alex" me!" "What a nice surprise." "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I said: "What the hell do you think you're doing?"" "A Little housework." "I send these shirts out and they come back in pieces." "Small town." "Not enough Orientals." "Fidel's all thumbs with this kind of thing." "That just leaves me." "I'm not talking about your damn laundry, I'm talking about Sukie and Jane and me." "Golly." "You girls sure are having a hard time, aren't you?" "Sukie is very ill." "Well, I'm sorry to hear it." "Then do something about it!" "Me?" "What can I do about it?" "It has nothing to do with me anymore." "It does, and you know it does!" "No, I don't." "AII I know is we were friends and the next day I was shut out." "That's all I know." "One minute I was the answer to your prayers." "Five minutes later, no one would give me the time of day." "Sukie could die!" "Don't you understand that?" "I can't help it." "Yes, you can." "Don't lie to me." "You deserted me." "We had a deal." "That's no reason" "Yes, it is!" "You pissed me off!" "Was I supposed to take it Like a man?" "I gave you everything I got!" "I gave you more than anybody ever has, and what do I get in exchange?" "A Little thank you?" "A Little gratitude?" "I get screwed!" "Oh, cut the crap!" "What do you want from us?" "I want somebody to do these shirts!" "I want somebody to pay attention to me!" "I want some respect!" "I want somebody to take care of me for a change!" "How about that?" "What do I want?" "Christ!" "What does any man want?" "A Little affection." "A Little trust." "Goddamn it." "Everything I did..." "I did for you." "I was wrong." "Go ahead." "Go back to your miserable Little Life." "Fuck me if I care!" "If that's what you want..." "that's what you'll get." "You are not the only three women in the world." "You're hurting people, Daryl." "What you did for us was great." "But you can't use your power to hurt people." "Don't you understand that?" "I want my family back together, that's all." "You and Sukie and Jane." "I couldn't hurt Sukie." "I couldn't hurt any of you." "How could I?" "I Love you." "You don't know what Love is." "I can learn." "You could teach me." "How hard can it be?" "Let's not fight." "You can't win." "There's no way you can win." "There's nothing to go back to, even if you could win." "Can't we just put this behind us and be friends?" "See?" "Isn't that nice?" "Tell the truth." "You missed me a Little bit, didn't you?" "Let's kiss and make it better." "What do you say?" "What are we going to do with you?" "It stopped." "Darling, you Look perfect." "You Look gorgeous." "Feeling better?" "Much better." "Everything's going to be much better." "We're going to town." "The Ladies have a craving for bagels and ice cream." "Three pinches." "I'd Like, uh dozen bagels, a pound of gravlax and what kind of ice cream do you have?" "No ice cream." "The freezer's broken." "I'II take the bread and the fish." "It doesn't Look Like him." "It doesn't have to." "We know who it is." "He Looks funny with no hair." "It won't hurt him, will it?" "No." "We just want to send him away." "No ice cream." "Imagine that." "I'II go see if I can't get some." "You go shopping." "I said, "A tall, dark prince traveling under a curse." ""Somebody nice." ""Somebody you could talk to."" "I'd Like some pistachio." "That is pistachio?" "And chocolate chocolate chip." "Are you okay?" "No, my Leg!" "What is it?" "What's the matter?" "Are you having a heart attack?" "Girls!" "What are you doing?" "Girls!" "Girls!" "Please, don't!" ""Elijah fled to the mount of God." ""The Lord passed by and a great, strong wind rent the mountains..." ""...and breaked in pieces the rocks before the Lord...."" "Sorry." "Just having a Little trouble." "A Little...trouble at home." "A Little domestic problem." "Nothing...to be alarmed at." "Just a Little...female problem." "Don't pay any attention." "It's a cheap trick." "Anybody can do it." "I taught it to them myself." "Ungrateful Little bitches, aren't they?" "I want to ask you something." "You all go to church." "Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman?" "No shit!" "I really want to know." "Or do you think it was one of His minor mistakes?" "Like tidal waves!" "Earthquakes!" "Floods!" "Do you think women are Like that?" "What's the matter?" "You don't think God makes mistakes?" "Of course He does." "We all make mistakes." "Of course, we make mistakes, they call it evil." "When God makes mistakes, they call it...nature." "So what do you think?" "Women...a mistake?" "Or did He do it to us on purpose?" "I really want to know!" "If it's a mistake, maybe we can do something about it!" "Find a cure!" "Invent a vaccine." "Build up our immune systems." "Get a Little exercise." "Twenty push-ups a day and you never have to be afflicted with women, ever again!" "Okay, that's it." "How do we know it worked?" "I guess we just wait and see." "My God, Look at this place." "Just in case." "The doll." "Jane, laugh!" "Come here." "Look at Fidel." "What does he have for you?" "Janey, stop it." "Just stop it." "I can think about him if I want to." "Not when we're all together." "I can't help it." "I miss him." "I do, and so do you." "Admit it." "Okay, we admit it." "Do you want him back?" "Take it easy." "We don't want the whole household in here, do we?" "That's it." "Good boys." "We're going to do just fine." "Come to Daddy and give me a big kiss." "Come to Daddy." "Oh, ladies, come on." "Subtitles by SOFTITLER"