"They say the Universe was created in one second." "One second is how long it takes to light a cigarette or spit on the street." "It took eleven billion years before the molecular soup created our solar system." "But the foundation was laid in a second." "Except for this small corner of self-consciousness we call Earth   the Universe is dead." "There's no plan behind it all, just an endless series of coincidences." "So what would the difference be if it never happened?" "Considering the unique coincidences that contributed to life on Earth, you have to start appreciating the friends you actually have, even Steinar." "His thoughts are filtered through a constant fog of cannabis smoke, and all that passes through is laughter and nonsense." "He was a party leftover, rooted." "To my chair munching carrot cake." "Then he made a fat joint and our friendship was sealed." "He introduced us to the Brazilian, our door-to-door candy man." "Steinar says he saves money on speed consumption." "You don't need a flat if you never sleep." "In case this should fail, Steinar has moved all his stuff to me, and himself." "He walks around at night like an obtruding giant chinchilla." "Can't throw him out either, he's a mate after all." "Some friends you see too much." "Others you never see at all." "Alexander is my best mate." "I've known him since the War." "Now he's mostly with his girlfriend, Vilde." "They got together after a hefty session drunken karaoke." "He's been glued to the Ice Queen ever since." "Alex has got it made." "He's studying economics and he'll get a pimp job in daddy's company." "He loves his dad." "Maybe that's why he's still living at home." "Odd wants to become an actor." "I met him outside Cinemateket, where he often stood, hoping Unni Straume might put him in a movie." "When this plan failed, I decided to console him with a beer." "Odd tries to make a living as a performance artist." "He adds to that income by working at 7-11." "Can't say he's enjoying it, but we get food at staff price." "And he's a narcoleptic." "Torbjørn is a great man, down to the last amino acid." "He has protected me and Alex from trouble since nursery school." "He currently works as a doorman at a karaoke bar." "That's where he realized he had a thing for Linda." "But 24 strictly platonic years is a hard habit to break." "Never too comfortable around girls." "Doesn't know how to let go." "He paints to release tension." "He has a piece, dedicated to Linda, in the café she works in." "The result of intense frustration." "Linda." "Yin to my Yang, and the only one who truly understands me." "Through her job she has truly perfected the art entertaining herself." "Mostly because me and Odd make up the entire clientele." "As thanks, the menu now includes our own unique preferences." "ODD COFFEE:" "VERY STRONG EDGAR SPECIAL:" "NUCLEAR" "Linda and I have always been tight." "Not that there's anytning more between us." "We even took a year at county college together." "That's where we met Siri." "Look at her." "I mean, look at her." "The X-chromosome's evolutional peak, a living homage to Darwinism." "Last time I saw her was at the Quart, two years ago." "Since then, she has travelled the world with daddy's money." "But now the bird has landed... in Oslo." "Asked if she could crash at my place." "Has to mean something, right?" "Me and Siri, written in stone, and Bob's my fucking uncle." "LATER THAT NIGHT" "I thought you were over Siri by now?" "I thought the worst was over right, but then she comes back, and woosh!" "Whoosh?" "Whoosh." "Like a wave of feelings, man." "She could've crashed at Linda's." "But she chose to crash at mine, right?" "It's a hint." "You don't think that has anything to do with her living in a tiny little box, and you abiding in Casa del Edgar?" " Nope." " Right, of course not." " You stink of kebab." " Aren't you getting something?" "No, they didn't have anything without nutmeg." "Alexander could be right about the flat." "Used to belong to my grands." "My family lets me stay until I get my life sorted out." "In other words, the perfect excuse for continued hedonism." "So, I was standing there all alone, with three Australian surfers, who wouldn't leave, and I had to close the bar and everything." " You worked in a bar in Australia?" " I worked in a bar in Thailand too." "But that's a totally different story." "One more drink, right." "But there must have been something really strange in that drink, because next thing I know, I'm lying naked on a surfboard, with an Australian inside me and the others standing next to us," " looking really satisfied." " You were raped?" "I wouldn't call it rape, but they could have asked first." "If they're handsome enough, it's not rape you know." " What kind of comment is that?" " I wasn't harmed or anything." "If you're hunkish enough, you can help yourself." " Are you serious?" "!" " Of course not." "Only one person calls this late." "Same guy Steinar owes money." "Hello?" "Has he left?" " How much do you actually owe him?" " Not that much." "Just a couple of thou." "Why don't you just pay him?" "What am I supposed to pay with, my magical leprechaun money?" "Don't you have any money?" "No." "Not everyone is packing dad's credit card." "Am I to be upbraided, just because my finances are well tended?" "All I'm saying is, some people have it a little easier right?" "I don't view Alexander, having his life sorted out, as a negative." "Drink some more!" "Come on!" " Happy days?" " Happy days!" "Indeed." "Because in six short days, I'll be setting up a play!" " Are you an actor?" " Yeah, he was a bellboy in "Cæsar"." " You were a bellboy?" " No, he's taking the piss, Tosser." "Got a chance and grabbed it, just like Eve and the apple." "And we all know things worked out really well for Eve and the apple." " Linda, I..." " Are you ok?" "Tequilashots!" "Torbjørn, my man." "Could I borrow a few quid off you?" "Hey, you don't need to ask." "Observe symbiosis." "Torbjørn knows he'll never see the money again." "In return, he has the pleasure of helping a friend." "Steinar, on the other hand, gets money for drugs and mischief." " Of course I'll lend you the money." " You'll get them back man." "OK?" "You don't have a couple more?" "Brilliant, see ya." "Bye." "You got your jazz money?" " Yes." "That man has a heart of gold." " He's got a heart of wool." " It's soft and fluffy." " Too right." "Hey, but this guy?" "He's a narcoleptic?" " Sounds like he's into drugs, man." " "Narco" is greek and means to sedate." "A narcoleptic is someone who is suddenly sedated." "But a narcotics addict has a constant urge to sedate himself." "Yeah, yeah." "But Siri?" " Is she into drugs?" " Why do you ask?" " Just wondering, she's such a cool chick." " Stay away from Siri, she's mine." "And put down that fucking guitar, I need to get some sleep." "Isn't sleeping on the floor a bit uncomfortable and meaningless?" "It's a lot easier to get up if you're sleeping uncomfortably." "Just shut up, I need a couple of hours' sleep." "Cunt!" "DAY ONE" "Choose a job you hate and you avoid a career." "Maybe a third of your day is filled with hate and a decreasing will to live." "But you won't wake up in 50 years and wonder where your life went." "You'll never be stuck in a job you hate." "Linda thinks I deserve better." "You poor, poor thing." "I tell her it's job, not a career." "It's a job, not a career." "OK?" "The temp agency "Sisyfos" gives me 103 kr. per hour, for chopping carrots and fingertips through all the circles of hell." "Last stop on the hell-train is Café Antenora." "Ingjerd has worked here since 1973 and committed her body to mince pie." "Trygve is a quasi-nazi and certified chef." "This comes complete with chopping board and a genuine asshole licence." "I'm a certified chef!" ""The Plan" Written in blood and wired to a doomsday machine." "Failure to comply, equals world obliteration." " Have you looked at The Plan?" " No." "A modern kitchen follows two unwritten rules." "RULE NUMBER 1:" "NOT IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMER" "General hygiene precautions can be overlooked, as long as the customer can't see it." "RULE NUMBER 2:" "STILL GOOD If you drop something on the floor, it's still good, as long as the customer can't see it." " Still good?" " Still good!" "The day ends at 3.00 pm." "Not 2.55, not 2.45, but 3.00 pm." " Can we go home soon?" " The day ends at three!" "It is almost three." "LINDA, I..." "YES, EDGAR?" "I LOVE YOU, LINDA." "Hello!" " What are you doing here?" " Isn't this a café?" "Yes, but shouldn't you be sleeping?" "Nobody comes here." "Just Odd and Edgar." " Yes, I'm meeting up with him now." " Odd?" " No, Edgar." "I'm crashing at his place." " Yes, I kind of forgot about that." "You're still keen on Edgar, aren't you?" " Well, you have snugged him." " Once, on a booze trip to Strømstad." "That doesn't mean we're going to shag night and day." " Who's shagging night and day?" " No, nobody!" "What's in these bags?" "!" "Makeup, clothes and booze." "All a girl needs." "Welcome, "Mi casa, su casa" and all that." "You've been here before, so you don't need a tour." "The fridge." "Put anything you want in it, just don't expect it to be there when you get back." "Steinar gets these fucked food kicks and eats everything." "Yeah, this is you." "Where does Steinar sleep?" "Steinar doesn't sleep, he just minces around at night." "Jeez." "Lovely." "What's on your mind?" "Nothing." " What's your plans for tonight?" " We could make some food, smoke a fat one and watch kung fu till we drop." "Charming, I thought maybe we could go out?" "Out on the town?" "We went out yesterday..." "Party tomorrow..." " Yes, but today, Carpe Canem!" " Seize the dog?" "Call all your friends and we'll have a real night on the town." "OK." "Linda is working late." "Alex and Vilde are having a "special" night." "Torbjørn!" "Call Torbjørn, he's cool." "Edgar." "Torbjørn!" "Are you doing anything special?" "Well, I'm drawing." "Me and Siri are going out." "Want to come along?" "Yeah, cool." "That sounds great." "Right, so you can't?" "OK, too bad, see ya, peace!" "Looks like it's just you and me." "I have a suggestion, I'll jump in the shower, you call the Brazilian, get some E, we'll shoot tequilas 'till we puke and hit the town for real!" "Down, boy!" "No." "Not tonight." "You tired?" "Tomorrow." "Promise?" "Something's poking me in the back." " You think my hair is getting thin?" " Why do you ask?" "I saw a picture of the old man." "Couldn't have been more than 30." "Your hair is short, not thin." "Go to sleep." "Dad took over when he was 30." "That's me in five years, fucking half way to 50." "Siri's seen half the world." "Imagine that." "Just quit school and backpack in Asia and Kuala Lumpur." "Just leave." "Maybe learn to play guitar." "DAY TWO" "EDGAR'S MORMON SISTER SIGRID" "Dearest sister!" "Hello, dear brother!" "A fucking early call, sis." "Didn't even have time to get spiffy." "It's 12:15." "And don't say fuck." "I brought you a housewarming present." " I've lived here for two years, though." " It's a delayed housewarming present." "Let me guess." "Is it the Book of Mormon and "The Lamb of God?"" "I have two already." "Hello." " So, you sold the guitar?" " Yup, 700 bucks." "Nice." " Why?" "It was your favourite thing." " I needed the money." " You were like this, man!" " I had to." "There's a party tonight." "Fun costs money." "Right?" "That's how it is." "I just lent you money man, why do you need more?" "That was for food and clothes, I need a life as well." "Stop bitching." "This is Norway, the world's wealthiest country." "And what do you do?" "You moan about a few lousy bucks!" "Yeah, what now?" "You're my mate right?" "And mates help each other out?" "On the 3rd floor, you'll find the Brazilian, I need some stuff." " That twitchy dope pusher?" " He's calm as a kitten, you'll like him." "But I owe him money." "If I go in there, he's going to go ape on me." " You want me to pay him for you?" " I want you to buy some shit for me." "No, you twat." "I'm not going up there to buy shit for you!" "For fuck sake!" "He's gonna send a fucking gorg to make mince out of my kneecaps." "It's gonna hurt like a bitch and I don't want that." " I'm not going up there." " I thought we were mates." "Fuck, can't you do this one little thing for me?" "Here's 700 bucks." "And here's another 400." "That's the money I gave you." "For food, not drugs." "I take speed, I don't need food." "Besides, Edgar's got plenty." "I'll eat there if I get hungry." "I've given you 1100 kr." "Right?" "That'll give you 2 g ganja, 2 g speed, 3 E's and 10 ml of ephemerol." "OK?" "Hey, wait!" "Don't forget now." "Steinar!" "Whatever you do, don't mention Paraguay." "OK?" "What, Paraguay?" "Are you still smoking?" "Not that much." " I'm trying to quit." " And how is the catering industry?" " Is that you, or mum and dad asking?" " You could have been anything." "Why should I be something?" "I don't have to define myself through my work." "I am, Sigrid." "Yes, but you're not happy." "I'm happy." "Yeah, but you're living a lie." "I'd believe, if I could." "It's perfect." "Some geezer loves you no matter what." "If you die, you go somewhere beautiful." "It doesn't work for me." "It's not logical." " It's just the way it is." " And you know this?" "Dearest sister, stop vexing me." "You won't solve my Gordian knot, of existential riddles in a day." "Save Steinar, he needs salvation." "Mini-golf?" "Can you imagine Edgar playing football?" "Seriously, a long, skinny, smoker, with no stamina." "Not good." " At least once a week." " At least!" "Me and Ed have a game of mini-golf." " The ultimate male sport." " Or a game of pool." " Causality in a nutshell." " My dear Vilse." " Are you sexually frustrated?" " What are you referring to?" "Except for the obvious" ""get things into holes with our long hard penis-substitutes?"" "It's just a game where knowledge of physics has an effect on..." "We are sexually frustrated." "Sigrid's lively today." "Very lively." "I said Steinar needs salvation and she likes a challenge." "True." "She's changed though." "I don't know what to talk with her about." "I've got nothing to say." "You never were too good with the ladies." "What does Siri have that I don't?" "Confidence." "Well, on the surface anyway." "Take a closer look though, and you'll find she's just as brittle as the rest of us." ""He whom Love doth not silence, he is not in Love"!" "Perfect example." "I'm a big lumpy... mute." "She's got a smile on her, though." "I can see why Edgar is taken by her." "All you need is one girl to bake your pancake for you," " and you'll be all set." " That's what it's there for." "Do you think I'm pretty?" "Of course you're pretty." "Not to mention, deep." "Maybe Linda could bake your pancake?" "Then Siri could bake your pancake." "And then we can start a bakery." "Edgar's known you since nursery school." "Deep down, he loves you." "Seriously, man, I'm in love." "All the poems and songs... make sense, you know." "Just look at her." "He'll come back to you before the end." "Do you believe in God, Vilde?" "No." "How can you believe in purpose, if you don't believe in God?" "Purpose is conditioned by will, will is conditioned by a higher power, like God." "Then they told me: "read this"." "The Book of Mormon." "God creates the Universe:" "God + The Universe = purpose?" "Remove God and you remove everything." "Then there is no purpose, there's nothing." "We're just sitting on a cold little rock." "So I sat on the bed and read." "And it said: "Ask God if it's true, and you shall be answered."" "So I asked." " God, like?" "Cochise?" " Yes." "God is our search for almighty parents." "We grow up, gradually realising that our parents are not God." "Very disappointing." "God is the search for something more than this." "But there is nothing more." "The meaning of life is just what you make of it." "You live in a cold little place." "It sounds strange, but I was filled with this light." "Like, divine?" "Like hordes of angels and..." "Yeah, I was filled with a huge light, like a burning flame... that just filled me with happiness." "I just wanted to run around naked and shout and..." "I know exactly what you mean." "Drop a marble on a nail and it will fall left or right, depending on tiny movements on the atomic level, electro-circuits that affect each other, but never repeat themselves." "We can't see the future, but we can calculate what's going on right now, if we know all the elements." "From the dawn of time, everything must have happened exactly the way it has, for us to have this wonderful conversation." "And then, dear Vilde, we can start talking about free will." "OK, are you going to let me talk?" "Do you have anything to say?" "Or are you just a dilettante?" "You let him talk to me like this?" " Alex!" "Your girlfriend is a dilettante." " I can't get mixed up in this." " Dilettante!" " Alex!" " Hello Alex!" " Lively in here?" "I don't know what the fuck they're talking about." "Dilettante!" "How's you?" "Same old." "I saw the most laid back pull back there." "Fancy a shag?" "Yeah, all right." "That never happens to me." "Why is that?" "In time." "It'll come." "It happened to me." "You've been knee deep in ladies since primary." "Yeah, but not like her." " I'm in love." " That's nice." "For the first time, I'm thinking kids, wedding, the whole shebang." "Seriously?" "I want to travel with her, like Siri does." "Hey, I can't talk to Siri either, man." "No." "I get like, retarded." "Try to pull Siri?" "Ever tried one of these?" "No." "Every thought is built on the last one, seasoned with impulses... that are chains of causalities too, so we don't have free will," " Our will is influenced by genetics..." " Can you take me to the bus stop?" "Free will is an illusion, yet we fail to realise it..." "Now" "Did you know your friend uses narcotics?" "Oh dear." "If God exists, he's really..." " a schizophrenic old geezer." " What's that supposed to mean?" "Take Adam and Eve, tossed out on the street for seeking knowledge." "Alex, I've got to talk to you." "Outside." " I'll just see what the missus wants." " Yeah, OK." " Odd, are you leaving?" " I'm off to work." " To work?" "You're pissed." " Have you ever worked at 7/11?" "He put us on Earth with free will to do what we want with our lives." "Tell that to Judas." "The biggest sinner through 2000 years." "He had to betray Jesus so He could die for our sins." "Care for a puff?" "Couple of beers is all right, but psychedelics might affect my work." " Alex..." " Travel around the world, or..." "Dad says he'll chip in for the tickets." "Alexander." "And we'll be off, to Asia." "Kuala Lumpur, is that in Asia?" "Malaysia, I think." "We have to go to India too." "Siri says backpacking in India is wicked." "I don't think this relationship is going to work." "I've thought about this for a long time..." "You're breaking up?" "!" "I really, really like you, but..." "Alex!" "But we have to talk." "God you're a cunt!" "See that?" "Bolt of lightning and I'm struck to the ground?" "Nicotine is bad for your health, Edgar." "Have you guys seen Siri?" "I think she went home with some guy." "Tequila?" "VILDE KITTEN:" "We have to talk." "DAY THREE" "What do you think you are doing?" "!" "Bleeding... and making salad." " Did you look at The Plan?" " Nope." "Why do you think we have plan, if no one sticks to it?" " Are you a certified chef?" " No." "You're making open sandwiches!" "200 before 10:00 o'clock." "I'd get on with it, if I were you." "Open sandwiches:" "In theory it's aesthetics through repetition." "You call that an open sandwich?" "It's supposed to be tall!" "Who said you should use scampi?" "!" "Roastbeef!" "I'd get on with it, if I were you." "Get them out there!" "Still good!" " Fuck off, I'm on a break." " Is that how you talk to your sister?" " Did you come to see me suffer?" " How long is this going to continue?" "I finish at 3:00." "Every day." " Do you want to end up like this?" " It's a job, not a career." "Fuck sake." "You can do better." " This isn't you, Edgar!" " No?" "What am I Sigrid?" "Is this the stank of a devious plan?" "Educational brochures!" "Haven't we been through this already?" "What about psychology?" "You probably know the curriculum by heart." "Just give me some time." "I'll amount to something, too." " Tourism?" " Yeah." "Isn't that frightfully balanced?" "For you maybe?" "Next up is a man, kids, house and..." "No." "Ok slow down." "Men?" "There are plenty of men out there." " Do you need more than one?" " At once, you mean?" "You have to try everything before you find Mr. Right." "You believe in Prince Charming?" "He'll show up sooner or later." "I'm not going to sit around and wait." "I'll become a manic-depressive, injected with lithium and my life will be over." "What do the cards say?" "That I'll be working here till I die." "Lonely and miserable." " How long since you've had sex?" " With another person?" "Three years?" "God!" "You need to put Edgar on ice." "What you need... is a proper shag, girl." " With who?" " Anyone!" "Odd." "Odd?" "Odd's got 8 months of celibacy left." "It's something about turning sexual drive into creativity." "Does it work?" "Does it look like it?" "I thank you, fair lady, for your delicious ambrosiac." "Did it help?" "Skills!" "You want a muffin?" "No, thanks." "I'm heading over to the theatre." "Suck up some inspiration." "Good luck." "Bye." " Poor thing." " Yes." "Poor thing." "SAUERKRAUT" " I thought speed freaks didn't eat." " Got hungry." " You're to replace what you eat." " I have." "Cupboard's full of food." "37 packs of sauerkraut!" "What the fuck?" "I felt like sauerkraut." "Quit whining, it was on sale." "I don't care if you got a free blow job." "That's not the point." "Ganja lesson nr. 1:" "Save all the butts, and you'll have enough for one last nasty fucking joint." "Lesson 2:" "Don't live with Steinar." "You egoistic bastard!" "Thought you said I have no ego." "Make up your damn mind!" "You have no superego!" "That's your problem." "I haven't lit this one up yet, OK?" " I'm trying to come down here." " Don't eat my food or smoke my shit." " How do you know it was me?" " Heard of Occams's razor?" "A thesis saying that if you don't add external factors to a situation, the most obvious solution is probably correct." "I could assume green Martians from outer space smoked my pot, or stick with the most obvious and say:" ""It was you."" "Should I just walk the streets and get shot by that Brazilian bastard?" "!" "He's put a mark in my forehead that says "Kill this motherfucker!"" "But this has fuck all to do with me." "This is about another person:" "Siri," " Yeah, I can smell her right now." " She smells like ganja?" "Siri smells like ganja, tequila and that perfume she's always wearing." "She's like a ghost floating around here all day, constantly rubbing my cock." "I need advice." "Sound advice." "Merci." "But hey?" "Stop me if I'm a bit like blah, but how about just telling her?" "Too obvious, I need tact." "All good people!" "You who thus far have come to pity me!" "Hear what I say, and then go home and lose me." "I have this day received traitor's judgement and by that name must die." "Yet Heaven bear witness, if I have a conscience, let it sink me as the axe falls, if I be not faithful." "Yet let them look, they glory not, as the long divorce of steel, that my guiltless blood must cry against them!" "All good people!" "You that thus far have come to see me!" "I..." "The wonderful thing, it did not happen." "Hi." "I'm so sorry about yesterday." "I bought you a tea." "I miss you." "I know it's only been one night and I miss you already." "I thought everything was fine?" "It was fine." "It just didn't turn out the way I planned." " Like what?" " Just little things." "Tell me." "No matter what it is, I can change." "I love you, you love me and we belong together." "I think it's all there." "Can you meet me tomorrow and bring me my things?" "Yes." "I love you." "Odd, you got to help me!" "I can't get her out of my head." " Siri?" " Siri." " Mini-golf?" " Mini-golf." "I know you're in love, but she's like that with everyone." "What about the little hints she keeps giving me?" "What kind of hints?" "What kind of hints?" "How about when she comes out of the shower, half naked, water dripping... and she sits down next to me and starts chatting?" "Normal behaviour, perhaps?" " And when we had sex in Strømstad?" " You snugged her in Strømstad." "Not exactly shagging." "The point is she needs some of my Yang in her Yin." "She gets plenty of Yang already." "You need to stop beating around the bush." " I don't beat around the bush..." " You beat plenty around the bush." "Yes, I beat around the bush." "But she won't fucking take a hint." "Let us, for once, assume that Siri has feelings for you." "You can't stand there off-stage like a nob and do nothing." "You need to change tactics." " I need to go Bismarck on her ass." " The Bismarck sank." "Time to act!" "And remember, all is fair..." " In love and war." " In love and war." "Hi." "Hi." "It's Vilde." "Vilde?" "Hi!" "How can I be of service?" "No, I just needed to talk to someone." "Is everything OK?" "No, not really..." "I broke up with Alexander." "I've never seen him like this." "You couldn't just drop by and see if he's all right?" "Fuck!" "Alex!" "How can I find out if Siri has feelings for me?" "She has got feelings for me." "How to prove it?" "Ask her?" "Do you love me?" "Too obvious." "Siri doesn't show emotion." "Once." "When her mum killed herself." "Provoke feelings?" "Edgar, you are dead!" "Now I can never reveal my love for you." "But look, I'm not dead." "Oh, but then it's completely logical that you and I get together!" "It could work." "Fuck!" "Alexander!" "Alex?" "How many did you take?" "They're supposed to cure pain." "I need something stronger." "I was going to offer you one of these, but I don't know if mixing..." "Oh wow!" "You're well ahead." "Alex, I know we haven't spoken much in the past, but everyone needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes." "Love." "It's like a canoe trip." "We all want... one of those amazing trips on a blank surface, towards the sunset over the azure..." "Odd?" "Skip the metaphors, OK?" "Metaphors forgotten, but let me at least tell you a story." "Once there was a boy who loved a girl." "The most wonderful girl, she was graceful." "An aesthetical perfection that would make the Gods weep, and she was mine!" "For a glimpse." "But Alex..." "But as Rome had to fall, all love must end." "But before she shattered my heart and spread it to the seven winds, she gave me a gift." "A pocket version of "Solomon's Song"." "My swan was lost, Alex." "But I refused to yield." "I would win her back." "With the "song" in my hand I went to a sanctuary." "And there I was, bent on learning all 117 verses by heart." "I went back and forth all fucking night." "Swotting and swearing, asking forgiveness to the graves I passed." "But when morning came at 7:00," "I had done it, I knew them all." "It would be the greatest declaration of love ever." "Suddenly I was filled with an euphoria that spread out." "I threw my arms out and shouted:" ""Life is worth living!"" " Then what happened?" " I was on a bike." "Hit a tree, smashed a vein in my penis and was impotent for 11/2 years." "And what about the girl?" "She was already seeing someone else." "Harlot!" "Jesus!" "Freak." "God." "DAY FOUR" "Where's Nazi-Trygve?" " He got food-poisoned." " Bummer." "You'll be chef today." "Did you look at The Plan?" " I'm doing the dishes." " But I'm no chef." "I haven't abandoned The Plan for 32 years." "I'm doing the dishes." "Do I get chef salary then?" "I believe so." "Get your gear on." "I'd get on with it, if I were you." "You can do it." " Hi, Sigrid." " Hi." "Hi, Odd." "What brings you here?" "Chocolate muffin?" "No, I was wondering if I could leave some of these with you?" ""The Church of Jesus Christ", by the Latter-day Saints." "Of course, but no one comes here." "Just Odd and Edgar, and I don't think Edgar would be interested in those." "No, the family's little iconoclast." "Odd, would you like to know more..." " about "The Church of Jesus Christ?"" " I'll take one, sure." "How's your play going?" "Come up with a concept yet?" "Even better, I have a poster!" "What's it about?" "I don't know, but time will tell." "You'll be there." "Right, Linda?" "I have to work, you know that." "Even if nobody ever comes here." "Linda, I was wondering if you could speak to Edgar for me?" "Well, I'm worried he might get into something horrible." "Did you know Steinar uses narcotics?" "Oh dear." "Dear." "Hello, Odd." "Lars Øyno?" "!" "How do you know my name?" "You're in my theatre, I know all who come here." " I don't know what to do." " You're at a crossroads, Odd." "On one side you have the thorny path of the theatre." "On the other, the safe and the established." "1978, I was just like you." "Long hair and full of rage." "I was waging war on a pantheon of ideals written in stone." ""Øyno against the sun."" "A play that would make the Establishment crumble to dust." "I spilt my blood on stage, my manhood." "But did they care?" "We are not doing this for them, Odd." "We are artists." "Tell me what to do." "What you seek is here, Odd." "There is nothing else." "Just you and this stage." "Lars Øyno." "Jeez." "FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA" "What you seek is here, Odd." "Hello." " Cock!" " Pussy." "Staff." "Split beef." " How..." " I know!" " Stick." " Meat hole." "Meat spliff." "Meat spliff!" " You're enjoying yourselves." " We are." "Can I have some?" "Hey, do you know any synonyms for cock?" "Yeah." "Did you know penis is latin and means tail?" " Vagina means sheath." " We want things that are funny." " That graduation suit is not yours." " You didn't wash my clothes." "I'm not going to answer that." "Are you going to back our friend Alexander... at his "Get back together with Vilde or sob party?"" "We're all right, aren't we?" "You do that." "Have fun." "Cherio!" "Hey." "You know that big nob has the hots for you?" "Of course I know, God!" "Hi." "You're late." "And you've been drinking." "Don't say anything." "Just let me talk, OK?" "I've been thinking and I've decided that I can't let you go that easily." "This relationship is worth a lot more." "It can't end like this." "Here I've got two bags." "One of them contains my things." "Choose this one and everything goes back to normal." "We forget everything that has happened, OK?" "In this bag I have your things." "If you are sure you want to end this, then..." "Alexander, I'm not coming back." "But I want us to be friends." "Why do you always say that?" "Girls." "First you rip my heart out and then you want to be friends." " I love you!" " You're not making this easy." "And you think it's easy for me?" "!" "I fucking love you!" "I met someone." "He's on my course." " I've known him for a while..." " Did you sleep with him?" "I said, did you sleep with him?" "It just happened." "He comforted me and we talked and..." "It felt like I've known him all my life!" " Was he better?" " I'm not..." "Was he better!" "?" " He was different." " While we were together?" "When?" "I've been with you every fucking night and day for two years!" "Alexander." "Slut." "Ironically, had he come out one second before or one second later, nothing would have happened." "You want some more?" "You." "Chill!" "Cunt!" "Do something!" "SIRl:" "HOW R U?" "The four wise monkeys!" "The four stupid, stupid, battered monkeys." "LATER" " Do you have anything to drink?" " Coffee." " Something stronger." " She could fix you an espresso." " That was a girlie sound!" " No." " Give me the painkillers." " But, you've been drinking." "So?" "!" "My life's over anyway." "Cunt!" "Fucking cunt!" "How's Odd?" "Hercules!" "He's all right." "What happened?" " You were a hero." " A hero!" " Can you calm down?" " Stop that!" "She found a new guy in two fucking days!" "She's quick, no doubt." "Must be an unofficial record." " You call yourself a mate?" " Ok, I never liked Vilse, sorry." "My life is over." "Over!" "Torbjørn?" " Could you make me a coffee?" " Yeah, does it help?" "Yeah, the sleep is not as deep." " We were fighting, though." " You got smacked." " Properly smacked." " Siri should have seen me, right?" " Fuck sake!" " Just keep still." "DAY FIVE" "Hi!" "I heard you got battered and was feeling a bit down." "Were you ditched?" "You know Siri?" "Right now I don't feel a thing." "Thanks to mother's valium and daddy's paracetamol." " Does allergy pills work?" " Antihistamines." "You're all right." "But hey, C-vitamins?" "Orange flavour." "Right." "At 25, my life is officially over." "Because of that little slag?" " Don't say that about my girlfriend." " Your ex-girlfriend, for fuck sake!" "What do you mean your life's over?" "You'll meet other women." " The sea is thick with... women." " Not like her." " What was so special about Vilse?" " Vilde." " May I offer you a cocktail?" " Yes." "We don't have a..." "Nobody smokes here, so..." " Where are your parents?" " Jordan." "You got the whole house to yourself?" "Hey, why don't we throw a party?" " Can't we have one at Edgar's?" " Don't talk to me about Edgar." " What's wrong with Edgar now?" " Everything!" "He follows me around... like a lovesick puppy, God!" "If I don't come home at night, he wants to know where I've been." "As if it's his fucking business!" "Edgar is a good man." "You can't deny that." "You just have to make it really clear that you're not interested..." " and he'll back off." " Think so?" "Straight to the point." "That's the best way." "He'll get one last chance." "Can I have some more valium?" "Hello." "Edgar." "What can I do for you?" "I need more pay." "Right." "How long have you been working at "Sisyfos"?" "8 months." "I'm working as a chef now." "A chef." "Right." "At the moment you're working in "Café Antenora"." "Like it there?" "It's OK." "LOSER When you joined us, you signed..." "ASSHOLE ... a contract and it's on a tariff." "Why should you earn more than the others?" "I'm really good." "YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME" "I'm sure you are, but the tariff is set at 103 kr, I can't change that." "I have lots of bills, electricity, rent  child support." "A budget's a budget and a tariff's a tariff." "NUMBERS AND SHIT" " STEINAR SMOKES ALL MY SHIT" " STEINAR IS YOUR PROBLEM" "GRANDMA" "Oh, its you, come in." "Pension is only spent on coffee and cookies, the rest is in the mattress." "The money's there, but to get it, you have to play along." "The rules are clear." "First you have to talk about the War." "Tell me about the War, Grandma." "Yes." "That was then..." "Young people back then had  in the kitchen we had a secret room  and shelves of illegal newspapers..." "She knows I just want money." "Her tactic is that either guilt or boredom will send me away." "... when I think about those boys." "Luckily, I've got a few tricks up my sleeve." "Grandma has asthma." "She's running out of cards now." "Only way to get rid of me is to pay up" "My last ace, sympathy." "You know I'm unemployed?" "Jackpot!" "Hello!" "Hello!" " Steinar, what the fuck?" " Relax, I'm just fucking with you." " What are you doing with a gun?" " It's not real, for fuck sake." " Then why do you have a fake gun?" " Might be a good idea to rob Odd." "POKE ME IF I'M SLEEPING." "My only protection against crooks is a bat that I'm not supposed to use." " Is there always lots of cash here?" " Why, you gonna apply for a job?" "Are you daft, me, work?" "You're going to rob Odd, are you completely fucking nuts?" "Me, nuts?" "I just saw somebody in Siri's room, sniffing her knickers." " No need to mention that to Siri." " No need to mention this to Odd." "Blag Odd at 7/11?" "Do you have a day saver on the asshole tram?" " I look like a bad ass though?" "!" " You look bad ass." " How much was it?" " 200 bucks." "Nice price." " 200 bucks?" " Where's Siri, by the way?" "Siri's at Alex's." "I have to tell her all, feelings and shit." "Shortest way between two points." " Right, what happened to tact?" " Tact's dead, I need  obvious." "Torbjørn!" "Hi." "Hey, Linda?" "Can I have a coffee?" "Coffee?" "You didn't come to see me then?" "Here you go." "Can I offer you a scorched muffin?" "Scorched muffin." "It's my specialty." "Squeezed, very hot, a bit overdone, but really tasty." "Tried the same with punch rolls, with little success." "Want one?" " Well, I'm on a diet and..." " What are you talking about?" " I'll pass." " You look fine!" "Are you ok?" "You know what?" "I'll have a muffin." "Which flavour?" "Strawberry, blueberry or chocolate?" "Chocolate's the best, take chocolate." "Take me." "Take me!" "Ok, I'll take it." "That's 21 kr, I'm afraid." "Sorry, I should've given it to you, but I don't want to lose my job." "Here you go." "Thanks." "Hey, what's that?" " Well, that..." " Let me see." "You!" "If I only found someone like you, Torbjørn." "Well, I have some paint that's drying, so I'd better go home and fix it." "What about your coffee?" " No, well, I..." " Torbjørn!" "DAY SIX" "There's something I have to tell you." "Should've said it before, but..." "I think I've always loved you." "Linda?" "Hey, I have something to say to you." "Should've said it before, but..." "Linda." "I love you." "I think I always have." " Hi, Torbjørn." " Hi, Odd." "Thought we could talk." "Anything in particular?" "No..." "Well, yes." "It's Linda." "This really isn't the time." "I'm on in four hours." "I've got a thousand things to prepare." "You're the only one I can talk to about things like this." "This is not a good time, let's do it later, over a beer." "It's always something." "When do I get time to do all the stuff I need to do?" "!" "You want my advice?" "Get a life and be a man." "OK, happy?" "Feel like I've forgotten something." "In six days, I'll be setting up a play." "Don't forget my play." "Don't forget my play!" "Cunt!" " Sperm?" " Cunt!" "What cunt?" "Could it be possible?" "This old saint in the forest hath not yet heard of it, that God is dead!" "I teach you the Superman." "Man is something that is to be surpassed." "What have ye done to surpass man?" "Ye want to be the ebb of that great tide, and would rather go back to the beast than surpass man?" "What is the ape to man?" "A laughing-stock, a thing of shame." "And just the same shall man be to the Superman:" "A laughing-stock." "A thing of shame." "Ye have made your way from the worm to man, and much within you is still worm." "Once were ye apes, and even yet man is more of an ape than any of the apes." "Man!" "Lo, I teach you the Superman!" "The Superman is the meaning of the Earth." "Let your will say:" "The Superman shall be the meaning of the Earth!" "I conjure you, my brethren." "Remain true to the Earth." "And believe not those who speak unto you of superearthly hopes!" "Poisoners are they, whether they know it or not." "Despisers of life are they, decaying ones and poisoned ones... of whom the Earth is weary:" "So away with them!" "This is a fucking robbery!" "Money in the bag." "Put the fucking money in the bag!" "INSTRUCTIONAL FILM FOR 7/11'S EMPLO YEES IN CASE OF ASSAULT" "Money in the fucking bag!" "And smokes." "Lots of smokes." "Odd?" "How's your first day at work as a professional criminal?" "Fine, thank you." "Why the fuck are you suddenly munching sauerkraut?" "You went ape on me when I bought it." " Got a better idea?" " I do, in fact." " Where did you get that?" " Got it from Hard Rodger." "And your debt to that latino prick?" "Did you forget that or what?" "Forget and forget." "I felt like some coke." "Hitler felt like Poland." "Now he's dead." "I'll just lay low for a few days." "You can't lay low forever." "There's a party tomorrow." "Barbie at Alex's." "He needs to be around people again." "Is he up for it?" "He doesn't really have a choice." "He's got the house to himself." "It will be the party from hell." "DAY SEVEN" "Hi, Siri." "I've been thinking." "All I do is think, but my life is like an existential hell and what..." "What are you doing with that gun?" "Like a lost experiment where all the scientists fucked off..." "Everyone else is lost." "I'm the only one who can see clearly..." "Siri." "You give meaning to my Universe, the puzzle is coming together... and had you just..." "Edgar!" "Get it into your head that I don't love you!" "Fuck." "You're fucked up!" "Would Siri like me better if I was someone else?" "The slightest change has consequences." "If I hadn't given her that look 4 years ago." "Or another look." "Or if I said something else at the right time." "A raindrop falls on your nose." "You look up." "And why does it land right there?" "One second." "The slightest change in a raindrop's path and everything would be different." "THE BRAZILIAN" "If you don't pull Siri soon, I'll have a go myself." "He came down the stairs with a gun in his hand... rambling on about his feelings." "Siri's mine." "He must be fucking daft." "You've tried everything." "Almost everything." "You've tried subtlety and obvious." "You hanged yourself and threatened her with a fucking replica." " She's still not interested." " Not at all." "The only thing you haven't tried is pheromones, black magic, rohypnol." "He's lost it completely." "I'm having a go at pulling her tonight." "I'm chatting her up." "Nothing's up with you and Edgar?" "After all I've done for you?" "If he was covered in syrup, I wouldn't want him." "One hole, Steinar." "One hole!" "Don't blame me." "The girl's better than speed." "She has an alluring air about her." "She should get it in her, until she likes it." " What did these cards say?" " That I'll have my life changed." "You think everything's rosy." "She says she loves you." "By a tall dark, beautiful, intelligent man." "The next day she's found someone else." "Morten Harket is coming to the party!" "Love them or hate them, Edgar, but..." " all women are sluts." " All women are sluts!" "I was thinking of Edgar." "Vilde, Slut." "Siri, Slut." "If you want him, for God's sake, just take him!" "Has anyone seen Odd?" "Can I borrow this skirt?" "God." "You're a knockout." "Edgar will cum in his pants when he sees you." "THE LAST PARTY" "She'll be here soon." "How are you Alexander?" "All right?" " I'm one big grin." " Nice one." "Look." "Siri, Siri!" "Ready to take the plunge?" "Here's to love." "But remember:" "All women are sluts." "Ok, I'm telling you now:" "No fake suicides, no speeches, no nothing, OK?" "I apologize, I don't know what got into me yesterday." "If you stay on a cocklength's distance, everything will be fine!" "You get why she's angry?" "She said so?" "Yes." "She tells me everything." "You're all set?" "Visual effects." "Hi, Edgar." "You smell different." " In a good way?" " Yes." "You smell like Siri." "Tequila." "And just a dash of her perfume." "But, hey..." "How long have you known me?" "21 years." "Since nursery school." "Steinar is gonna try and pull Siri." ""Siri, you have sex with everyone, except Edgar."" ""Would you fancy having sex with me?"" ""No, I'm afraid of showing emotions, so I just sleep with strangers."" ""Couldn't you make an exception?"" " Am I a horse everyone can ride?" " No harm in asking." "One second... and you're fucked." "You all right?" " What are you doing here?" " What's happened to you?" "Who the fuck is he?" "Get those pussy-licking fingers away from me." "Is that him?" "Maybe you should lie down?" "You can't bring him here, to my party!" "I just wanted you to meet." "I think we should be friends." " I'm a nice guy." " Cock-smoker." "What's happening?" "I'll handle it." "Just relax." " I won't fight with your ex." " He's just really sensitive right now." "Motherfucker." "You know what you are, right?" "Slut!" "You're a fucking gap between your legs." "You can't talk to my girlfriend like that." "You're so nice." "You want to go to Kuala Lumpur with me?" "Yes." "Hey?" "School starts on Monday." "Sorry?" "Could you pull over, please?" " Bye." " Goodbye." "Good luck." "Coffee?" "It was for me, but you look like you need it." "Are you still my friend, Odd?" "Are you talking about my play?" "That too." "In the absence of heroes, humans will have to do.It's human to fail." "I've screwed up now." "Really screwed up now." "Everyone slips, Edgar." "It's called living." "And to answer your question:" "Of course we are friends." "Regardless." "English subtitles by Philip Hallre Sivertsen"