"Oh, I have a coupon for this." "Check out his ointment." "I have a condition." "Itchy itchy." "Check out his chicken parts." "Check out his chicken neck!" "Check out his chicken arms!" "They're called wings." "Check it out:" "He thinks we're talking about the chicken." "( both laugh )" "You know what?" "Forget it." "Touchy touchy." "Let's dancy dancy." ""They're the best of friends," ""with the worst of 'tudes," ""they're the check-it-out girls," ""they'll be checkin' out for you'" ""check it out."" "Great rehearsal, girls." "You two together-- goldy goldy." "Speaking of gold, I have a golden opportunity for you." "See what I did there?" "As you know, the check-it-out girls are a very big deal" "All over the world, especially in the country of glendovia." "Ooh, glendovia!" " I was just on the phone with them." "They're having a big red-carpet event and they want the check-it-out girls there." " I'm there!" " Me too!" "Goody goody!" "Bo but not with her!" "We were just goody goody!" ""off to the races, I'm going places  * might be a long shot, not gonna waste it * * this is the big break and it's calling my name * * yeah!" "* * so far, so great, get with it * * at least that's how I see it * * having a dream is just the beginning * * so far, so great, believe it *" "* can't take away this feeling * * taking a ride with chance on my side * * yeah, I can't wait * * so far, so great *" " * so far, so great * - ( vocalizing )" "I don't know why you're packing." "You're not going anywhere until you apologize." "I don't know why you're packing because I'm not apologizing." "Of course you're apologizing." "It's your thing." "You apologize." "It's the circle of life." "Circle." "And here's what I think about your circle." "( gasps ) what are you doing to my circle?" " I'm ripping it!" " Give me that." "Got it!" "( crying )" "And now your circle's gone." "Look at it fly away!" "Oh!" "Oh, really?" "Well, look at it flying back." "Ooh-- got it!" " Now apologize!" " Not apologizing!" "But I am going..." "Before you do." "Nah nah!" "( both grunting )" "( laughs )" " Ripping!" " Ahh!" " Gluing!" " Crumbling!" "Oh, no!" " Punching!" " Scratching!" " Oh!" " ( laughs )" "Shoving!" "Who wears sequins to the airport?" "!" "Tawni:" "I do!" "You're just jealous 'cause you won't look as cute as me!" "Drive!" "Drive!" " Hi." " 19Â¢." "19. 19?" "It's an interesting number, 19." "It's not like 16, which is sweet." "And then-- and then 18, you can vote." "Yeah!" "But what is 19?" "The price of a banana." "Next." "Thank you." " How'd it go?" " Not even a smile." "And "19" was my best small talk." "I can't go any smaller." "And my $1.24 muffin rap should have sealed the deal!" "I guess we're just not her type." "Boys, there's someone I'd like you to meet." "This is dinka!" "( european accent ) meet you please nice." "As part of our comedy exchange program with glendovia," "They got sonny and tawni;" "we got this funny guy right here." "( cell phone rings )" "Oh, glendovia's calling." "Boys, make him feel at home." "Kafka?" "How are you?" "Oh, nice 'stache, dude!" "How old are you?" "Eh, 14, dude." "With a mustache like that?" "I know, it is less than my father's." "But someday" "It will be as thick as my sister's!" "Ahh, shnakie!" "Look at him:" "He actually thinks he's got a shot at her" "With those clothes and that ridiculous poodle on his lip." " Yeah." " ( laughing )" "See?" "Even she's laughing." "Wait a minute, she's laughing." "What does he have that we don't have?" " 's time to 'stache up." " Mm-hmm." "Okay, well, the check-it-out girls are on their way." "Yeah, they were practically killing themselves to get into the limo." "All right, say hi to tawni and sonny." "Oh hi, sonny." "Sonny!" "What are you doing here?" "You're supposed to be on a plane." " I jumped." " You had a parachute?" "Not out of the plane;" "out of the limo." "Let tawni have her fancy european adventure." "Let her be mobbed by adoring fans." "Let her be wooed by gorgeous boys with accents." " Pushed you out, didn't she?" " Yeah!" "But glendovia is expecting two check-it-out girls." "Well, they're getting one." "Until tawni apologizes," "She'll be walking down that red carpet all by herself" " Saying-- - "check it out!" "Check it out!"" "Exactly." "Who are you?" "Oh, he's part of the glendovian exchange program." "Sonny, dinka; dinka, sonny." "Sonny, dinka!" "Dinka, sonny!" "Sonny, dinka!" "In glendovia, we do not shake; we sing!" "* sonny, dinka, dinka, sonny * * dinka, sonny, sonny, dinka * * dinka, sonny, sonny, dinka *" "* I like you!" "*" "Every person!" "* sonny, dinka * * dinka, sonny * * you're not tawni and that's why I like you * * hey!" "*" "Hello, glendovia, and thank you for this wonderful reception!" "I've got plenty of photos, so if you all line up" "Between the chicken and other other chicken" "Why are there chickens?" "Tanya!" "You've arrived!" "It's tawni." "And what's that smell?" "It is glendovia." "Welcome." "We are so happy to have you, big event." "I am kafka." "I am confused." "I was expecting" "A little more clapping and a little less clucking." "There is a limo to my hotel, right?" "Of course." "Lee moe!" "Who is this?" "This is lee moe." "You said you wanted ride to hotel." "I don't want to be insensitive." "Chicken?" "( laughs )" "What are you doing?" "Oh, I just thought" "Oh, my goodness!" "Oh, my gosh!" "What was I thinking?" "I was gonna hop on his back." "He was gonna run off?" "Now you get on." "So that was the prop house, and this is where" "Oh, you do the checking out!" "I've seen many times on the "webinet."" "So why do you only send tawni to glendovia?" "Is she #1 check-it-out girl?" "No!" "I mean, there is no #1." "I mean, we're-- we're a team." "Ah, like two ox pulling one cart." "Exactly." "But if you've ever seen two ox pull one cart," "There's always one ox that's just a little bit stronger." "Well, tawni thinks she's the stronger ox, but she's not." "Well, this is plain to see because of the width of your klavin" "And your highly-defined toshlik." "Thank you." "I mean, it's about time somebody noticed my toshlik." "Now I'm just gonna put my toshlik on the line here" "And say that I don't need her." "You know?" "I can check it out with anybody." "Oh oh oh!" "I am anybody!" "I am anybody!" "Pick dinka!" "Well, this is an exchange program." "So sure-- let's exchange you with tawni." "How would you like to be my check-it-out guy?" "Oh oh, I was born to be check-it-out guy." "Check itut!" "Check out!" "This is my hotel room?" "There's a hole in the roof." "And there's hay on the floor." "Nothing but the best for the #1 check-it-out girl." "Look, you think I'm staying in this dump?" "I'm the #1 check-it-out girl?" "Really?" "I don't see another one so that makes you the only one." "And if you are the only one, that makes you the #1!" "Finally, somebody besides me had the courage to say it!" "And it sounds even better with an accent." "Good." "Now relax and enjoy your stay" "At glendovia's finest hotel." "And look-- tv!" "Hi." "I'm america's chad dylan cooper." "Do you ever wish your goats' horns were as white as my teeth?" "Impossible, right?" "Wrong." "Thanks to the revolutionary new formula in ludnick's horn whitener" "Your livestock will be the envy of the entire village." "And remember, if it's not ludnick, it's not "goodnick."" "Why is chad dylan cooper selling glendovian horn whitener?" ""falls mackenzie" is most popular show in glendovia." "Chad cooper dyla he can sell anything." "He can sell hair to my wife's back." "( bleating )" "There's a goat in my room." "Of course!" "You think all this hay is for you?" "Okay, big day tomorrow!" "Red carpet!" "Someone needs some horn whitener..." "And a mint." "Ew!" "And a butt mint!" "Hi." "How's dinka doing?" "Is the new check-it-out boy making us laugh?" "Well, check it out yourself." "* we're the friends who best with 'tudes of worst *" "* I'm checking out guy and I'm checking out for me!" "*" "Check me out!" "Oh, no." "I think I can make this work because that's what #1s do." "They can deal with anything..." "Except a goat eating my purse!" "No no!" "Get out of there!" "Get your goat teeth off my phone!" "That's mine!" " ( dialing ) - voice:" "Calling sonny." "Dinka is so sorry." "You maybe want tawni back, yes?" "No!" "I mean you're doing great." " Real great." " ( cow moos )" "Oh, glendovia national anthem!" "No, that's just my phone." " Tawni?" " Sonny?" " ( goat bleats ) - what was that?" "That's my new ringtone." " Yours moos and mine-- - ( bleating )--Does that." "Wait, if you're on the phone then how is it ringing?" "I have "baah" waiting." "What do you want?" "Are you calling to apologize yet?" "No." "I called" " Goat!" " Goat?" "Uh, I didn't say "goat."" "I said "gloat"" "About how amazing glendovia is." "Oh, yeah?" "Well, your glendovian replacement is even more amazing." "Yup, he's the best check-it-out partner I've ever had." "Oh, really?" "Well, you're not the only one with a new check-it-out partner." " Is that a fact?" " Oh, yes." "Mine is very rugged." "And he-- he really loves my taste in clothing." "Well-- well, mine's got a mustache." "Well, mine's got a beard." " Well, I gotta go." " ( fly buzzing )" "My fans are swarming." "Yeah yeah, I gotta go too." "Marshall and I were just discussing" "The check-it-out girls on ice." "Both:" "Check it out" "I've been replaced." "( funk music playing )" "Look, marshall, I'm sorry I left you with dinka." "But if tawni thinks that she can replace me," "She is just so-- whoa, goat!" "She didn't say "gloat." "" she said "goat."" "I knew it!" "Marshall, I gotta go." " Sonny?" " Tawni?" " What are you doing here?" " Where are you going?" "What makes you think I'm going anywhere?" "What makes you think I'm here?" "Well, hello there." "Do you have any mustache-friendly foods?" "Foods that will not get stuck" "In my big bushy manly..." " Mayday." " What?" "Mayday." "I overglued." "My fingers-- they're stuck to my mustache." "Are you serious?" "Just-- oh!" "( grunting )" "No!" "That's for you!" "This isn't fair." "I called "shotgun."" "You know what I think?" "I think that you were returning home" "Because you were just jealous that I had fabulousew costar." "Well, I think your new costar wasn't half as fabulous as me" "So you came here 'cause you want me back." "I don't want you back!" "In fact, you're leaving." "Oh no, I'm not!" "You're leaving!" "No, you're leaving!" "Ahh!" "Oh, great!" "You broke the car!" "It's okay." "I am still under warranty." "Beep beep beep!" "Tv announcer:" "We'll be back after this message" "From important american celebrity." "Ooh!" "Oh, hey there, glendovia." "It's me, america's chad dylan cooper." " What?" "You know, after a long day of shearing sheep," "There's nothing I like better than a nice thick glass" "Of grandma minka's old-timey potato juice." "Mmm!" "Mmm mmm." "That's "spud-tacular"!" "Seriously?" "Seriously." "Oh, sonya, you've arrived!" "The exchange program is complete!" "Now I have both check it out girls here." " I'm #1" " I'm #1!" "I'm #1." "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were doing a thingy." "Now we can go to "check it out, check it out."" "( bleating )" "Your phone just left you a long message." "Ow ow!" "Ow ow!" "Ow ow ow!" "Maybe we should have picked a less public place to do this?" "Aww!" "Like you've never cut your fingers free" "From another man's mustache using a pair of baby scissors." "What?" "( laughing )" "How can one guy be so hairy and so smooth at the same time?" "Oh!" "I'm out!" "( both laughing )" "Dinka?" "Dinka?" "!" "Eh, hello, nico and grady, dudes." "What up is?" "I'll tell you what up is- up is down and down is up." "Now how are you making it happen with that girl?" " Yeah." "What girl?" "You mean boring female" "Behind beautiful cash register?" "Now you mean beautiful girl" "Behind that boring cash" "Don't talk about cash register like that!" "I only talk to girl because we have same job." "Same job?" "She's a cashier." "Dinka is a cashier." "But-- but we thought you were a comedian." "Up until we saw you do comedy." "Wait a minute, now you're saying you came over here" "From glendovia to be a cashier?" "Correct." "As part of the cashier exchange program." "Wait, if you came over here to be a cashier," "Then sonny and tawni went over there to be" "Cashiers at our brand-new 99 zuzeem store!" "( both laugh )" "They flew halfway around the world" "To be cashiers." "What did you do that for?" "You were laughing so hard I thought you wouldn't notice." " I did it quick!" " I see what you did there." "I did it quick, you know?" "One, two" "Ahhhh!" "I noticed!" "Cool." "They let the audience members right onto the set." "We'll sign autographs after the show." "Attention, glendovian shoppers," "Your check-it-out girls are ready to check it out for you." "( all respond )" "All right, let's just put on our smiles, do the dance" "And then never speak to each other again." "Let's start with never speaking to each other again" "And then put on our smiles." "* they're the best of friends *" " * with the worst of 'tudes-- * - what are you doing?" "What are you doing?" "Just check people out." "No singing." "But that's the sketch." "What sketch?" "You are part of cashier exchange program." "People walk up, they pay, they leave." "Oh!" "Tawni, he thinks we're real cashiers." "I'm working in an actual store?" "No, you are goofing off in an actual store!" "But what about the red carpet?" "Ahh, the red carpet." "Now get on it and get to work!" "Yeah." "Nice work, dude." "This is all your fault." "You're right." "I don't know why I pushed you out of the limo." "I should have pushed myself." "Oh, it's a chicken!" "I can see it's a chicken." "What are we supposed to do with it?" "Uh, check it out?" "How?" "Well, maybe this thing is the price tag." "Whoo!" "I don't think that was it." "Okay, there's got to be a barcode on this thing somewhere." "( clucking )" " Oh, I'm sorry, chicken." " Nice." "You'll apologize to a chicken but you won't apologize to me?" "Because the chicken deserves an apology." "But if you think you can check it out by yourself," "Why don't you check out the chicken?" "I'm not checking out the chicken." "You check it out." " No, you check it out!" " No, you check it out!" " Check out its chicken neck." " Check out its chicken arms." "Both:" "They're called wings." "It felt so good to check it out with you." "Really?" "'cause I thought that you thought" "That dinka was better than me." "And I thought that you thought your partner was better." "My partner was a goat." "My partner singed like one." "Both:" "I'm sorry." "Ooh, I'm seeing a lot of angry people over your shoulder." "And I'm watching a goat go to the bathroom over yours." " Pitchfork!" " Check out his pitchfork." "Check out how pointy it is." "Check out how it's pointed at us." " Runny runny?" " This is no time to be cute." "Just run!" "Chad cooper dylan, you made it!" "Yeah." "Sorry I'm late." "Lee moe never showed up at the airport." "That guy is always in the shop." "You like red carpet?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I'm on them all the time." "Well, get on that one" "And get to work!" "( all shout in "glendovian" )" "Hi, america's chad dylan cooper here." "When I want top value for my zuzeem, where do I shop?" "The 99 zuzeem store!" "Where everything is 99 zuzeem!" "Potato juice?" "99 zuzeem!" "Horn whitener?" "99 zuzeem!" ""toshliks of steel"!" "99 zuzeem!" "100 zuzeem is 99 zuzeem!" "We've gone stark raving blashka!" "Located at 99 zuzeem boulevard" "Where the dirt road meets the other dirt road!" " Ahh!" " Ahh!" " Aaah!" " Aaaah!"