"Hello?" "Cousin Monty, how nice to hear from you." "Here's Zelda." "Hi Monty." "Yes we'll be home for Christmas eve, why?" "You're kidding?" "Well I was sure you'd have other plans." "No." "Of course you're always welcome." "We'll spend the holidays together." "No trouble, we'll see you tomorrow at seven then." "Ugh!" "You invited Cousin Monty, how could you?" "He's family and he shouldn't be alone for the holidays." "But he's so annoying." "Well you should have said something." "1x11:" "A Girl And Her Cat Original Airdate: 12/13/1996" "Ooh, a hot mulled cider!" "Want some?" "Let me mull it over" "Every Christmas that gets a little less funny." "I'll take some more egg nog and this time don't skimp on the Christmas cheer." "Oh, no liquor for you Salem." "Your little kitty liver can't handle it." "Gimme a break." "You know I always get depressed this time of year." "Why?" "Well for one thing, I'M A CAT!" "Come on, just try and have a little Christmas spirit." "Now that's enough." "You don't have to enjoy the Christmas season but.." "you will not ruin it for the rest of us." "Deck the halls with bows of holly." "Stupid cat!" "Salem, were you in my closet again?" "Yeah, so?" "You ruined my favourite Christmas sweater!" "Yeah, so?" "It meant a lot to me." "Then you shouldn't have hidden your diary under it." "You were reading my diary again!" " Yes and it's duller than dish water..." " I've told you a thousands times.." " .." "When I was a teenager we.." " ..stay out of my stuff.." "Stop it you two." "It's Christmas eve and I don't want anymore arguing." "Salem, you owe Sabrina an apology." "Now!" "I'm thinking of how to word it." "Try 'I'm sorry'" "Somehow that just doesn't feel right." "Forget it, I don't have time for this." "I've gotta meet Harvey at The Slicery but now I've gotta change thanks to you." "Er, since you thanked me, can I ask a favour?" "Excuse me cat?" "You want a favour?" "Yeah." "Can I tag along to The Slicery?" "I've got a touch.." "of cabin fever and I'd really like to.." "Are you insane?" "I wouldn't bring you to The Slicery if you were the last person slash cat on Earth." "Man, what's her problem?" "You are so self centred, even for a cat." "How about we leave you alone to think about what you've done and when Sabrina comes back down stairs I suggest you apologise." "Say you're sorry." "Hmm, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry" "I'm sorry I didn't think of this sooner." "Oh, Harvey's gift." " Hi, sorry I'm late." " Oh that's okay." "It's good for me to read 'Sports Illustrated'" "Now I'll have something to talk about with my dad during church." "Anyway here, this is for you." "Thanks Harvey." " It was so sweet of you.." " Open it!" ".." "Please, I'm kinda nervous." "About what?" "About whether you'll like it or not." "I love it!" "It's beautiful, a silver necklace." "Technically it's a choker..." "I just learned that." "Help me put it on?" "I hope it's the right size, my sister helped me pick it out and she's got a neck like a linebacker." "Your Dad must be really proud." "It looks pretty." "Okay, I've got something for you." "Salem!" "How did he get to this?" "My cat ruins everything." "Hey, no big deal, I was going to rip it open anyway." "Here." "Wow!" "A scarf, it's great." "I made it myself." "You knit?" ".I made it myself." "It fits." "Hey look, we both got each other neck stuff." "Number seventeen, your pizza's ready." "That's us." "I ordered the Christmas pizza." "With the red and green peppers?" "Yep." "So this is The Slicery." "Man, what a dump." "Hey look, parsley." "I think it's mistletoe." "Mistletoe?" "Yeah, go ahead, give her a Christmas kiss." "I bet she'd like that." "Wouldn't you?" "Okay." "Is that what I think it is?" "What was that?" "Salem!" "I can't believe this." "Who let a cat in here?" "Sabrina, isn't that yours?" "He must have crawled into my bag." "Oh this cat belongs to you?" "We don't allow animals in here." "You let a mouse in." "Er oh there's no mouse." "I saw no mouse!" "Now get that dirty cat out of here." "No, not through the front door, cats are a health hazard." "Take him through the kitchen." "And don't come back!" "Who'd want to?" "Dirty cat!" "I was the cleanest thing in the whole place." "You are in so much trouble." "I have never been so mad at you in my entire life!" "What's the big deal?" "There was a mouse, I chased it." " End of story." " Not end of story." "You got me kicked out of The Slicery, the one place I had a little privacy." "Don't talk to me about privacy!" "I'm the one who has to relieve himself in a box in the middle of the kitchen." "D'you know how hard it is to get that far away stare going?" "Oh, like anyone's watching." "Hey Sabrina, are you back there?" "Harvey's coming, now be quiet." "Oh me:ow." "I mean it." "I got the pizza to go." "Are you okay?" "No, I'm getting attitude from my cat." "Sometimes I wish I could just.." "Urgh!" "Him." "Oh come on, cut him some slack." "After all his brains only the size of a walnut." "That's an excellent point Harvey." "Some time I forget he's just a stupid cat." "stupid, stupid, stupid cat." "I feel better." "Good." "Come on, I'll walk you home." "Okay." "Just give me a sec." " Salem, get in the bag." " No." " Get in the bag!" " Get lost biped." "I don't need you to get home." "Fine." "Stay in the trash for all I care." "Let's go." "You know that's cute, talking to your cat." "Yeah, if only I could get him to listen." "No!" "No!" "You can't make me." "We agreed, you promised you would do the cooking this year." "But you're a much better cook than I am." "I have prepared Christmas dinner for the last two hundred and eighty years." "It's your turn." " But I, it.." " Hilda!" "You're not getting out of it." "I hate cooking." "Hello!" "Anybody home?" " Monty!" " Monty!" "Glad tidings to all." "I come baring figgy pudding." "And you're familiar with my familiar." " Merry Christmas, Newt." " Oh, I forgot my fruit cake." "Ah, you didn't mention you were bringing an extra mouth." "Oh Hilda, how much can one little newt eat?" "Besides, any friend of Monty's is welcome in this house." "Well I'm delighted to hear you say that Zellie because I have something to declare." "Come forth my lovely." "Ladies, meet Lulu." "Happy holidays." "Oh it's awful cramped in there, do you mind if I stretch?" "Isn't she a pip?" "Oh she's pippy all right." "Of course she doesn't have a nickel to her name." "I only wish I could have married money like Cole Porter but" "Lord help me, I'm attracted to this." "Hey!" "Man I'm glad I didn't invite Harvey in." "Sabrina, you're just in time to meet our guests." " This is Monty." " Charmed." " And Lulu." " Hello." "I can roll my tongue." "Oh, and this is Salem's oldest and dearest friend, Newt." "Oldest and dearest friend my tail." "You know it's Salem's fault that I'm a Salamander in the first place." "Newt was into Salem's scheme for world domination." "Way into it." "Yeah, he promised me Denmark." "So where is the dear boy, out catting around?" "The last time I saw him he was in a dumpster behind The Slicery." "He said he'd find his own way home." "You left him outside?" "You know he's a house pet." "He'll be fine." "Salem's the only cat in town that can call a cab." "Said Barnacle Bill the sailor." "Oh that's all the sea shanties I know." "They must be plenty worried about me now." "Time to head home." "Kitty!" "Kitty, are you alright?" "You don't look hurt but I better take you home to make thure." "Zellie, you've really out done yourself." "Delicious hot mulled cider." "It tickles." "Did you hear something?" "Oh I hope it's Salem." "Tell him I'm still mad at him." "Salem?" " Hey lady!" " Duck, here it comes." "No it's just a bunch of kids throwing snowballs." "Watch out for the ice." "Er, where is Salem anyway?" "Probably out having the time of his life." "I can hear you heart kitty, you're going to live." "Rex, wash up it's time for.." ".Dinner." " What's that?" " A kitty." "I can see it's a kitty but where did it come from?" "He followed me home." "Can I keep him?" "Oh well, you know how your mom is about pets and we still don't know where the snake is." "I won't lothe the kitty." "Pleathe, it'd be the best Chrithmath prethent ever." "Keep him in your room, I'll talk to your mom about it tomorrow." "Right now she has her family over and it's not a good time." "Come on, let's get ready for dinner." " Gueth what I named him." " What?" "Thtinky." "Okay." "And I've got some names for you too, kid." "Ooh!" "Phone." "sn't he marvellous?" "I just can't keep my feet off of him." "You seem like you're really in love." "Well she's just so darned flexible." "I still think we should have waited for Salem." "It's not like him to miss a meal." "I hope he's okay, it's getting cold out." "He has a fur coat." "Can we change the subject?" "Let's er talk about..." "Monty." "I wanna know everything about you." "I was born in a lighthouse.." "I'll get it!" "A lighthouse?" "In Nebraska?" "It explains the hat." "Hello?" "Oh hi Salem, need a ride?" "Help me." "I've been kidnapped and I'm wearing a night gown." "What!" "Where are you?" "Some kids room." "He knocked me out behind The Slicery, I came too just in time to see his house." "It has a white door and a Christmas wreath." "Is this a joke?" "Hello, who lis this?" " Sabrina, do you have my cat?" " Thorry Thabrina, he'th my cat now." "Wait, don't hang up!" "Phones are not for Thtinky." "Now I have to go eat dinner but later I'm going to give you a nice long bath" "Tho you'll be all clean for Thanta." "What have I done?" "What have I done?" "Salem's been kidnapped." " Kidnapped!" " By whom?" "A little boy with a lisp." "What does he want?" "I'll pay whatever it is." "He doesn't want money, he want's Salem." "But remember, I offered." "Look, we have to get him back." "Can we use magic to find him?" "You can't file a missing witches report for twenty:four hours." "Oh!" "we can't wait a whole day!" "Calm down, we can look for Salem the mortal way." "What do we know?" "Okay, he's trapped in a house with a white door and a Christmas wreath." "Which in July would have helped us but right now we need more information." "He's also wearing a night gown." "Interesting, but irrelevant." "We should return to the scene of the crime." "The alley behind The Slicery." "Let's go." "We'll go with you." "I'm stuck!" "Er, plan 'B', we'll hold down the fort." "God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay." "I'm so alone." "Hello!" "They're all closed up for the holidays." "Where's Hilda?" "No Salem but I found a lot of crusts." "What's with people?" "It's my favourite part." "We've got trash and more trash, we have nothing." "He's our only eye witness and he's no help." "Well, we haven't asked." "Hey what's going on?" "Coolio, cool!" "We need some information." "Oh, as you can see, that's right up my alley." "We were wondering if you'd seen our cat?" "Well hanging out in this alley I see a lot of cats so you gotta be more specific." "Well he's a black cat about this tall." "And he talks." "Oh the talking cat, I remember him." "He was singing sea shantys, then he got hit by a bike." "He got hit!" "Was he hurt?" "No, but the kid took him home just to be sure." "Which way did they go?" "Um, down that way and to the left." "Did you see anything else?" "Yeah, the kids wheels had a vanity plate, um, his name was Rex." "Er that's Latin for king." "Um anyway, I gotta get back to work." "So erm, well are you guys um coming to the concert?" "It says it's sold out, can you get me tickets?" "Sorry, I'm just an alley poster, try a bill board." "Merry Christmas." "Thank you Mr. Coolio." "Word to your mother." "Right." "Okay, we're on his tail." "We now know who, when, how and sort of where." "Let's start knocking on doors." "Salem!" "I need a plan." "What would McGuiver do..." "y'know... if he were a cat?" "It's a crazy idea but it just might...." "Nah, that wont work." "But that might." "Bye, see you next year." "Thtinky?" "Where are you Thtinky?" "Help!" "HELP!" "DAD," "Yes!" "Oh no, Thtinky's gone!" "Oh yeah, Thtinky's back." "Yeah, well I told you to keep him in your room." "I'm thorry Daddy, it'll never happen again." "I'll make thure of that." "I'll get it, I'll get it." "What d'you want?" "I'm sorry to disturb you but I was looking for my cat and I was wondering if you'd seen him?" "A cat?" "No my mom won't let me have a pet." "Okay, thanks anyway." "Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas." " You have a lisp." " Tho?" " What's your name?" " None of your buthineth." "Rex, who's at the door?" "Rex?" "You have my cat." "Give me back my cat!" " What's going on here?" " Your son has my cat." "Oh no, I'm afraid you must be mistaken." "My little Rex doesn't have a cat." " Thee!" " Look, I know he's lying." "SALEM!" " SALEM!" " Sabrina?" " SALEM!" " Sabrina?" "Can I just check his room?" "That's enough, now don't make me call my husband." "Go away!" "And merry Christmas." "It's all my fault." "I never should have left him alone." "Oh he'll be okay." "Even before he was a cat Salem always landed on his feet." "But if it weren't for me he'd be home." "I could kick myself." "I can kick myself." "Can we focus?" "Okay we have five witches and a newt, we should be able to do something?" "I've got it." "We all hide inside a giant wooden horse." "Hmm, that worked so well the last time." "What if I use my magic to pop into the house and grab Salem?" "Too risky, if the little boy sees you you're caught." "How will you explain it?" "I wouldn't, I'd just knock him down and run out of there as fast as I could." "Oh good plan!" "Bad plan." "Well maybe I just got a better one." "Who ith it?" "Thanta!" "ith that you?" "!" "The other kid'th thaid you didn't exthitht but I knew you did." "I knew it." "Yeah, yeah." "Now listen Rex, we need to talk." "Did you bring me prethenth?" "Yeah I did, Ho:ho:ho." "Oh I er, I brought you a er..." "Spatula." "And this er.." "Neil Diamond box set." "Neil Diamond!" "Didn't you get my fax?" "Look, you'll get more presents tomorrow." "Right now though I need to talk to your cat." "What do you want with Thtinky?" "Well, see you got the wrong cat." "Actually he belongs to this sweet little blonde girl who misses him very much." "Tough luck." "Well if that's how you feel about it then let me just give er.." "Stinky his Christmas present." "It's in the bag." "In the bag." "Hint, hint, hint." "Okay!" "(To Rex) Lots of houses to hit, see ya next year." " But Thanta, gimme my cat!" " Gotta go." " You can't thteal my cat!" " Watch me." "Thanta'th thtealing my cat!" "THANTA'TH THTEALING MY CAT!" "Rex, Rex what's going on?" "Thanta thtole my cat" "Oh honey, no, you must have been dreaming." "You don't have a cat." "But I thaw him, he wath real." "He gave me thith thpatula." " We're Ho:ho:home!" " Merry Christmas" " Oh Salem, you're back." " Safe and sound." "It is a wonderful life, and you know what I realised?" "There are worse places to be during the holidays than with your family." "Hear, hear!" "Hurray!" "Don me now our gay apparel" "Told the ancient Yule tide carol" "Well, it's after midnight." "Let's exchange gifts." "Pst, tenho uma coisa para ti, mas está lá em cima." "So where's my present?" "It's more of a promise than a present." "No present?" "!" "Wait, you'll like it." "I promise to appreciate you and respect your privacy." "From now on?" "Er no. for like a week." "That's it?" "Okay, ten days but that's my final offer." "Deal!" "For you." "Oh, a ring!" "Oh it's beautiful." "Casa comigo." "Marry me." "I don't care if you're poor and have no spine, marry me." "I would love to be your wife and here, this is for you." "Oh, oh, you shouldn't have..." "But dear, this is a solid gold cigarette case." "But you're a circus act, how could you afford this?" "Oh, I forgot to tell you." "My dad's loaded" "Oh, Oh dear girl." "This is the best Christmas ever." "I'd like to propose a toast." "To family and to friends." "Merry Christmas!" "And to all a good newt." "I think Salem's really happy to be home." "Yeah, he's been having a great time all morning." "You know next year I don't think I'll even bother to buy him a gift." "This is good, this is so good." "Oh the wrapping, greens and reds" "It's the best Christmas ever and it's great to be home." "Ho:oo, yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "I think he likes my paper best." "Honey, don't you want to ride your new motor cross bike?" "No!" "Well you haven't played with your new basket ball." "How about a little one on one?" " No!" " How about your new train?" " NO!" " Your dump truck?" " NO!" " Your Volcano?" "NO!" "Rex!" "Give Daddy the spatula." "No, Thanta gave it to me." "It'th the betht Chrithmath prethent ever." "He loves it so much." "Where'd he get it?" "Oh, I guess the same place he got that Neil Diamond CD." "Hey Dad, will you put on Thweet Caroline again?" "NO!"