"# She wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny #" "#Yellow polka-dot bikini #" "#That she wore for the first time today #" "# She wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny #" "#Yellow polka-dot bikini #" "#That she wore for the first time today ##" "#Ayuba #" " #Ayuba # - #Ayuba #" "#Ayuba #" "#She wore an itsy-bitsy #" "# Teeny-weeny #" "# Yellow polka #" "#Dot bikini #" "# Yeah #" "#Ayuba #" "#Ayuba #" "# 1 # #2 #" "#3, 4 #" "# Tell the people what she wore #" "#Ayuba ##" "Hey, Gilbert." "Hi, Lewis." "I got you some more reading material." "Great minds, huh?" "Yeah." "Hey, how you feelin'?" "Actually, I'm feeling pretty stupid." "I'm the only guy in the world who could break his leg playing chess." "Don't get down on yourself." "That was a tricky move." "Thanks." "Sure." "What's on your mind, Lewis?" "Well, I'll tell you, Gilbert." "You're the president of this chapter." "I don't know if I can lead these guys." "Lewis, you're a born leader." "You got a Kennedy's looks and an Einstein's brains." "And the prowess of a Skolnick." "That's my dad." "I got to go, Gilbert." "Okay." "Bye." "Knock 'em dead." "I'll be in touch!" "Tickets?" " Check." " Check." " Check." "Money?" " Check." " Check." " Check." "Prophylactics?" " Ch..." " Ch..." "You kill me, Dad!" "You've really got the pedal on the metal." "Yeah, I do." "I've got the cruise control locked into 35." "Kick it up to 37." "Let's live dangerously." "Dad!" "Uplink." "Here's my pager." "Here you go, Dad." "Plug that into the lighter." "Okay." "Needs 13.8 volts." ""Gilbert to Lewis."" "Hey, guys, it's Gilbert!" ""Hi, guys." "If you've kept your timetable..." ""and I'll bet you have..." ""you're now traveling highway 116..."" ""approaching the Duttonhoffer cutoff."" " God, Gilbert!" " God!" ""Watch out for that pothole."" "That Gilbert!" ""In any case, guys," ""I just wanted to tell you to have a good time and beware of those Alphas. "" "They're here... nerds." "You know what?" "What?" "According to this, the year-round mean temperature in Fort Lauderdale's 72 degrees." "Well, guy, it's located 26 degrees, 4 minutes north, longitude," "80 degrees, 9 minutes west, latitude." "What'd you expect?" "68 degrees?" "Excuse me, miss." "I don't intend to sleep with another woman until I'm back here in your arms with my head resting between your creamy thighs." "Jerk!" "Excuse me, miss." "I don't intend to sleep... are you with the special group from Adams College?" "Yes, sir." "May I see your tickets?" "I'll take you to your plane through the VIP entrance." "Did you hear that?" "We're VIPs." "This is gonna be awesome." "Where did Booger go?" "You pig!" "We're VIPs." "Right here." "Very Immense Penises." "Uh." "Well, men, we finally made it." "Wormser, is this changing climate affecting your allergies?" "I'm a little clogged." "I wish I had some Hexadol." "30 or 50 milligrams?" "Do you have the liquid?" "Cherry or menthol?" "Why don't you blow your nose on your shirt?" "Wow!" "That limo's for us!" "Are you sure this is for the United Fraternity Conference?" "Yup." "Take this, please." "Thank you." "# Grab your coat, honey #" "# Grab your hat #" "#This train is leavin' #" "#And it ain't comin' back #" "# Don't need a ticket #" "# Can't you understand?" "#" "#You're on your way #" "#To the promised land #" "# It's overdue #" "# But now the time is right #" "#Yeah #" "# It's up to you #" "#To make it real #" "# So take me #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "I love you!" "I love you!" "We're staying at the Royal Flamingo!" "555-4369!" "# It's up to you #" "#To make it real #" "# So take me #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "# Oh, yeah #" "Hey, you missed a spot!" "# Oh, yeah!" "#" "Hey, guys!" "Hey, guys, have a nice time!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "The window!" "The window!" "To Fort Lauderdale!" " To Fort Lauderdale!" " To Fort Lauderdale!" "# Pack your bags, baby, get your things #" "#You never know what tomorrow brings #" "# Mind your stuff and watch what you say #" "# Before you know, you'll be on your way #" "# It's overdue #" "# But now the time is right #" "# Oh, yeah #" "# It's up to you #" "#To make it real #" "# So take me #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "# Paradise #" "#Ah #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "# Paradise #" "#Take me back to paradise ##" "Look at the size of those coconuts!" "Gee, those are big ones." "Wow!" "I've never seen anything like it!" "There's no reason we all have to check in." "I'll do it if you want to hit the beach early." "Wait up!" "# 1 # # 2 #" "# 3, 4 #" "#Tell the people what she wore ##" "Boys, our ship has come in." "May I help you, sir?" "Are you okay, sir?" "I'm fine." "Is my hair okay?" "Yeah." "Stewart!" "What's your problem?" "Lots of problems, sir, starting with a painful childbirth, leading up to this embarrassing, awkward moment." "Comstock, yes, Jeffrey and Helen." "C" " O-M..." "S" " T-O-C-K." "Fine." "Fine." "Sir, excuse me." "That accident wasn't his fault." "It was mine, so I hope nobody was hurt... or will be." "Ow!" "And that's how we won the Greek Council." "I play the violin." "Can I get you a drink or something?" "Don't go away." "Hey, Poindexter, she got a sister?" "I don't know." "I'm gonna buy her a drink." "Jesus!" "Anybody know how to say" ""bite my crank" in Spanish?" "Muerde mi manubrio, por favor." "I'm a polyglot." "I got to buy this girl a drink." "But, Poin..." "It's really cool of you to take the blame." "I thought this would be another in my never-ending series of poundings." "People pound me all the time." "I guess I'm a screw-up." "Believe in yourself and you can be a big screw-up." "Ah!" "What I meant was, if you believe in yourself, you can be a giant." "Lewis Skolnick." "Stewart Lipsey." "Two rum and cokes, please." "Welcome to the Royal Flamingo." "May I help you?" "Sir?" "Yeah... yes!" "Um, sorry, Lewis Skolnick of the Lambda Lambda Lambda delegation." "We have a girlfriend." "Uh, I mean reservations." "Oh, no." "This computer hates me." "Let me get someone who can help you." "I know a thing or two about computers." "Maybe I could help you." "Well, I type in your name, press search, and... nothing." "I've already spotted your problem." "It's stroke technique." "Excuse me?" "Stroke technique." "See, you have to arch your fingers." "Try that." "Like this?" "Uh-huh." "It worked!" "Yeah." "See, look..." ""Lewis Skolnick..." Cancelled?" "That can't be right." "I'm sorry." "Your rooms have been given to someone else." "We're the Tri-Lambs from Adams College." "It's important that we stay here." "Isn't there anything you can do?" "Listen, i'm just a trainee, but let me talk to my manager, Mr. Mussinger." "He can straighten this out." "That'd be great, uh..." "Sunny." "Sunny." "Thanks." "Sorry." "Mr. Mussinger?" "The Lambdas from Adams College are here." "The computer shows we gave their room away." "I don't want nerds staying in this hotel." "This poor guy has no place to stay!" "That room has to stay empty." "Why?" "Fire law." "To which fire law are you referring, sir?" "Who's the manager of this hotel?" "Fred C. Dobbs." "Who's the acting manager?" "You, sir." "Good." "Who's the trainee?" "Me, sir." "Who's to obey the fire laws?" "Me, sir." "Excuse me." "Now, where were we?" "Geek alert at 3:00." "Booger!" "Booger!" "Go, baby!" "Booger, Lewis has a problem." "He needs our help." "Come on." "Rrrrr!" "Come on, Booger." "Wormser!" "How far is Daytona Beach from Fort Lauderdale?" "What?" "Fort Lauderdale Men's Club, right?" "No rooms available?" "Okay, thanks." "Thanks." "Hey, guys, how's it goin'?" "That one's full, too." "That's the ninth one." "We'll only be here five days." "Do we really need a room?" "Oh, wow." "Look at these geeks." "What kind of a fraternity lets these guys in?" "Listen, Rog," "I don't want these nerds hangin' around my hotel." "Buzz, relax." "These guys are history." "Watch." "Pardon me." "Are you guys the Lambdas from Adams College?" "Why?" "I'm Roger Lattimore, chairman of the United Fraternity Council." "Call me Rog." "Hey, Rog." "Lewis Skolnick." "Lambda Lambda Lamda, Adams." "I heard you guys couldn't get a room." "It's been so trying." "I'll bet." "I wish I could help you, but it's out of my hands." "The manager here is Buzz Mussinger." "Hi, Buzz." "Can you introduce me?" "Buzz is an Alpha, like me." "You mean Alpha Beta?" "Yeah." "He doesn't want you guys staying here." "You know how it is." "So I guess you guys'll just leave, huh?" "I'll call you a cab." "Wait a minute." "I think I found one." "The Hotel Coral Essex." "Full recreation facilities, spacious oceanview suites!" "Sounds great!" "Confirm it, Poindexter." "Fantastic." "Roger, I guess we'll see you at the conference tomorrow." "Well, gentlemen, no point in hanging around this dump any longer." "Heaven awaits!" "Must be check-out time." "They must have had a heck of a party here." "Ah!" "Hello!" "Hola, mi hijo." "Hablo inglés?" "Yes, you speak English." "We have a reservation." "We're the Tri-Lambs." "Oh, yes." "Here it is." "No problem." "You follow me." "Your room is in the Ricky Ricardo wing." "I'm Aldonsa, your hostess." "If you need anything," "#You just call me #" "# Don't be afraid... ##" "Here is the beautiful olympic-size swimming pool." "You be sure you shower before you use it." "Didn't I just see..." "No!" "And over here is the wonderful sauna." "You be sure you leave it the way you find it." "And this is Tamu, Mamu, and Shamu." "Boys!" "Hey..." "Aah!" "Aah!" "Down the hall and to the left is the coke... machine." "Over here is the gym." "Come on, Daddy." "Want to go around the world with Salina?" "Yeah." "Let me make it good for Daddy." "Yoo hoo!" "Come on, follow me!" "You big man, you." "And over here, this is your room, the Ricky Ricardo suite." "Boys!" "Oh, don't worry." "It's just a little evidence." "# Magic carpet ##" "Now, you just make yourself at home, okay?" "I'm just going to cook you your lunch." "Poindexter, that's my pocket protector." "Sorry, Lewis." "Harold!" "Harold!" "That's cool!" "Trashed their house last year." "That didn't work." "We locked them out of the hotel." "They checked into another." "What are we gonna do?" "What are you askin' us for?" "You're the one with the 2.0 average." "2.2." "Can't shake these guys." "Christ, there could be a nuclear war." "There'd be nothin' left but cockroaches and nerds." "Let's kill 'em." "Nah." "Wait a second." "I got it." "It's so simple." "I mean, they're nerds, but they're men, too, sort of." "What is every man in the world afraid of?" "I don't know, Tiny." "What?" "At one time or another, every man in this tub has been petrified that a chick would see him undressed and see how small his dick really is, right?" "Jesus!" "Come on, guys, admit it!" "Yeah, sure." "Whatever..." "Tiny." "No." "It's a reverse nickname, like they call redheaded guys blondie, right-handed guys lefty." "Are you finished?" "And bald guys Harry." "Shut up!" "We got to get rid of these guys in a major way." "Hold it, hold it, fellas." "I'm gettin' an idea here." "Yeah." "By this time tomorrow... the nerds will be history." "Nerds!" "Ogre, relax!" "Tomorrow you'll be at the podium, and the nerds will be packing." "All right, Rog!" "Pony Express." "What's this?" "I think it's an invitation to a party." ""Dear Tri-Lambs, you are cordially invited" ""to the United Fraternity" ""preconference barbecue." "Fraternally yours, Roger Lattimore."" "Party, party, party!" "# Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily #" "The preconference barbecue is right down that path." "Thanks for the ride." "Guys, this is gonna be a blast!" "We'll see you when it's over." "They even have a band!" "Just our luck..." "We get here during a drum solo." "I don't know about this." "Something doesn't smell right." "That's me." "I'm sorry." "Anxiety makes me flatulent." "Take a valium or something." "Look!" "Holy shit!" "This must be one of the last of the Seminole Indian tribes." "Jesus H. Christ!" "We got to help her." "If not us, who?" "If not now, when?" "Somebody else, some other time." "Lewis is right." "Are we mice or men?" "We are!" "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." "Now, that woman out there needs our help." "Come on, men." "Follow me." "Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!" "What do you think they're gonna do?" "I think they're gonna sacrifice a virgin." "I hope not." "A virgin's a terrible thing to waste." "Aah!" "There he goes!" "Come on, guys!" "Hit it, boys." "What was that?" "I don't know." "Be careful." "Winston, hit the lights." "Look!" "Oh, my God!" "Trespassers have witnessed sacred ritual." "Must burn clothes and chant... or die." "What now, Mr. Hero?" "Me?" "Okay!" "Coming right off!" "We're sorry!" "Yeah." "Real sorry." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Intruders must leave seminole country." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Namaho rehekiyo." "So get out of Florida." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Namaho rehekiyo." "Wait a minute!" "Asha-ha kai-es nahu shahu laha!" "Lewis, I don't think those guys are Indians." "When I said, "bite my crank," in Seminole," "No one responded." "You said that to these guys?" "My blouse!" "Nerds!" " Ogre!" " Ogre!" "Don't go anywhere!" "I'm gonna kill you guys!" "Geeks!" "Oh, my!" "Look at that." "We're trying to eat here." "Look, honey." "Nerds." "Are any of those our waiter?" "Hitchhiking five hours without a ride!" "Would you pick up five guys in their underwear?" "At least we're home." "I've never been so humiliated in all my life." "Lewis, you must be crazy to think we'll stay here." "I'm going home, where I can not get laid in peace." "No." "We were chosen to represent Adams College." "We'll stay and represent them." "Last year, we were messed with." "We fought back and won." "We can do it again." "That was adams." "This is the real world!" "I don't know about you, but I'm not giving up." "Two for one." "I'm really sorry I snapped at you guys." " It's all r..." " Oh, Lewis..." " Go ahead." " Go ahead." " Lewis..." " Lewis..." "Guys!" "Lewis... we're really sorry." "We're not going to quit on you." "Are we, guys?" "No." "No." "No." "All right!" "This room is a pigsty." "Thank you." "You should be ashamed of yourself." "Fuck you." "Who died and made you God?" "My name's Dudley Dawson." "They call me..." "Booger." "Edgar Poe Wong." "They call me Snotty." "Master!" "My son." "Soon you will take over." "Those geeks look dumber in their underwear than in person." "In my day, butt-wipes like that couldn't even get in fraternities." "College was drinking beer, playing football, and getting laid." "None of this academic shit." "I turned out just fine..." "A hotel manager." "Whoa!" "At least you guys got rid of those geeks." "Hear, hear, fellas." "Here's to the last of the nerds." "Nerds!" "I don't care what kind of convention the hotel has." "I didn't sleep last night." "There was screaming, carrying on." "We thought we heard sheep noises." "Why don't I do this..." "Would you hand me a complimentary pass?" "This is a certificate for a free night the next time you stay with us." "All right." "But that doesn't excuse it." "I thought I heard power tools." "I'm very, very sorry." "Enjoy the rest of your stay." "What's this about a free night?" "I thought because they were having a hard..." "I'm not paying you to think, unless you want it taken out of your paycheck?" "Get it?" "So get your ass back to work." "That was rude, sir." "Lipsey, you dipshit." "I think you should apologize!" "What?" "Oooh!" "Safe!" "Say, uh..." "Stewart." "What are you doin'?" "Standing up for myself." "I'll help." "Oh, Stewart!" "Hi!" "How's your stroke?" "Mr. Skolnick!" "Did you find a place to stay?" "You can call me at the Hotel Coral Essex." "I mean you..." "Stewart, are you okay?" "Thanks for standing up for me." "I guess you got fired." "Yeah." "Who fired you?" "The manager." "The acting manager." "Men." "Just us three." "Nerds!" "Debbie, there's plenty of room." "Yeah." "The seats go down." "Sure." "Don't forget the blueberries and cream." "You the manager here?" "Yeah." "Skolnick, come here." "Grrr." "Skolnick, you're a smart guy." "Don't you understand?" "Don't you get the message?" "You're not wanted here." "Wrong." "Adams College wants us here." "We are their chosen delegates." "We have a right to be here, sir." "Tell them, Poindexter." "You are correct, Lamar." "According to the bylaws of the United Fraternities, all representatives qualified to represent represented organizations are allowed by law their rightful place." "So bite me." "No!" "Fine." "You're right." "You're absolutely right." "If that's the law, then... that's the law." "So we are resolved to extend the reach of our domain to include technical and trade schools and English-speaking universities outside of the country." "Now to our last order of business, which concerns constitutional amendments which will be voted on at tomorrow's session." "Uh..." "Proposition 15, sponsored by the Alpha Betas, will be introduced by Chip "Tiny" Hayes." "Excuse me." "Uh, Chip "The Meat" Hayes." "Oh, my God." "Dreamin', man." "Whereas it is a moral obligation of every fraternity to glorify both the body as well as the mind, be it now resolved that all fraternities shall... shall ag..." "Augment." "Thanks." "Augment existing academic standards with new physical standards as well." " What?" " What?" "Unconstitutional!" "That bites." "Therefore each fraternity's membership must meet such physical standards or be excluded from this conference." "Thank you." "Who decides the standards?" "Pardon me?" "I said, who decides the standards?" "Why, your, uh... your democratically elected leaders, of course." "Do I hear a second?" "Get those nerds out." "I second it!" "Uh-uh." "Proposition 15 is moved and seconded and will be voted on tomorrow's ballot." "They can kick us out if we don't pass." "We're screwed." "No, we're not." "They're not getting away with this." "Point of order!" "This is totally unfair!" "I'll give you the mike as soon as I make this brief announcement." "Make it quick." "Gentlemen, Wet Nightie contest poolside in five minutes." "Wet nightie, whoa!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "We got 24 hours to get through to these people." "But how?" "They're rational individuals." "All we have to do is explain that Proposition 15 is unfair and inappropriate." "Guys." "Looking at women like that!" "You're just a kid." "Should be ashamed of yourself." "We're going to have to fight fire with fire." "I agree." "Let's torch their hotel." "No." "Beat them at their game." "Football?" "We should have a No-On-15 party." "Right?" "Right." "The Tri-Lambs can prevail in Fort Lauderdale." "Wormser." "Here." "If this doesn't get a crowd," "I don't know what will." "Hit the switch." "Hit the switch." "Hit the switch." "Hit the switch!" "Hit the switch!" "All right!" "You guys, that worked great!" "I don't get it." "Ave Maria!" "Party!" "Oh, thank you, God, for my five little babies." "It's party time!" "Hit it!" "# Party people in the place, here's the story #" "#About some guys that are bound for glory #" "# I'll get right down to the nit-ty gritty #" "#The Triple-L Crew is gonna #" " # Rock this city!" "# - # Rock this city!" "#" "# I'm the L-A-M, the "A" and the "R" #" "#The man on the mike that they call Lamar #" "#And there's a couple of things that I'd like to say #" "#About Prop 15 #" " # It's not okay!" "# - # It's not okay!" "#" "# Now, I'm no jock, no football hero #" "# But that don't mean I'm a absolute zero #" "# Now, people call us rejects and all of that stuff #" "#Just because we can't do 100 pushups #" "# Don't judge by looks, like a book by its cover #" "#You may miss a friend, You may miss a lover #" "# I'm rockin' on the mike, I didn't come to preach #" "#There's some folks out there who need to be reached #" "#You gotta open your mind so you can set it free #" "#And the man to help you do it is the mighty Lipsey #" "#Ka-pow!" "Ka-pow!" "K- k-k-pow!" "#" "#The mighty Lipsey #" "# K-sey #" "#K-k-k-k-pow!" "#" "Kick it!" "# My name is Lipsey, and I got somethin' to say #" "# I got a couple of myths that I'd like to slay #" "#We're not really meek like an itty-bitty mouse #" "#And in case you're uninformed, we came to rock the house!" "#" "#There's only one question that I got for you #" "#And that's "who are you?" #" "# I'm somebody, too!" "#" " # Some people into art # - # Some are really smart #" "# Some got a head start #" "# It doesn't mean we're worlds apart #" "# Some people think we're for the birds #" "#And then they call us names #" "#They call us nerds #" "# Ner-vous is what they really are #" "#Judgin' themselves #" "# By the make of their car #" "#We're not dogs # # Not jerks #" " # Not wimps # - # Not geeks #" " # Not losers # - # Failures # - # Fakes or freaks #" "# Now, you may have clothes, you may have money #" "#A def set of wheels, and a good-lookin' honey #" "#Well, I ain't got threads or a Mercedes-Benz #" "# But at least I have got some really good friends #" "# So don't diss us, don't dismiss us #" "# 'Cause one day you might want to kiss us #" "# Don't reject us #" "# Disrespect us #" "#We will not let you neglect us #" "# So before we go, take a final note #" "# No on 15 is the way to vote #" "# No on 15!" "#" "# No on 15!" "#" "# No on 15!" "#" "Thank you!" "How are you going to vote?" "No on 15!" "What on 15?" "No on 15!" "No on 15!" "No on 15!" "No on 15!" "We're serious now." "We really mean it." "No on 15!" "Make some noise!" "No on 15!" "No on 15!" "No on 15!" "No on 15!" "No on 15!" "I guess I underestimated these guys." "Motion is carried." "Proposition 15 is hereby removed from the agenda and is rendered moot." "They actually did it." "Maybe the Alphas aren't such bad guys." "Now I have one final order of business." "Could Lewis Skolnick, president of the Adams College chapter of Lambda Lambda Lambda, come up to the podium, please?" "You should go." "Go!" "To make certain this organization is never again embarrassed by such misguided deeds as the Alphas are guilty of," "I hereby propose the following constitutional amendment..." "Henceforth, any fraternity guilty of illegal or improper conduct shall be expelled from the United Fraternity Conference and their national charter revoked." "Lewis, I'd like the record here today to reflect that we introduced this proposition together." "Okay, Rog." "Let's officially bury the hatchet between the Tri-Lambs and the Alphas and put this joint amendment to a vote." "I think I'm gonna cry." "All those in favor..." " Aye!" " Aye!" " Aye!" "Hey, guys." "Here you are, fellas." "It's all yours." "I know it must be kind of overwhelming." "But we just wanted you guys to know how sorry we were." "Lewis, I hate to use "party" as a verb, but you guys can really party." "We were impressed." "Yeah." "God, you know, Rog, we must be dreaming!" "Nah." "If we were dreaming, I'd have a boner." "A boner!" "To truly hock a loogie, one must not retrieve the phlegm from the throat, but from the soul." "God, Gilbert, I really wish you were here." "The Alphas down here are so great." "You're telling me that they called you up, they invited you over to their hotel, and then they gave you their suite?" "Yeah." "It's incredible." "It's too incredible." "Lewis, I know you." "Sometimes you're so eager to be liked that you don't take the time to see people for who they really are." "Are you saying I'm some kind of weenie who can't take care of himself?" "I want you to be careful." "Remember, once an Alpha, always an Alpha." "Sorry." "Hey, Boog, let's go." "Ahh, now, my son, you are ready to go out into the world." "Awesome, Booger." "And don't forget the whipped cream." "So you guys just get the nerds into my car... alone." "I'll take care of the rest." "Understand?" " Yo." " You bet." "Sir?" "I have a job for you." "Mr. Lattimore will explain it to you." "Sunny, I feel terrible about the way I treated the Tri-Lambs." "I thought maybe you guys could take them out and..." "I don't know..." "show them a good time." "Actually, you could use my car." "That's awfully sweet of you, but..." "I mean I have to work." "Part of your job is taking care of the customers." "They're important." "I want to make them happy." "You what?" "Earlier, I erred in my judgment." "These Tri-Lambs are... good nerds." "Men." "Look, just do your job, will you?" "Yes, sir." "And, uh..." "Sunny... have a good time, okay?" "Yes, sir." "Bye-bye." "You know, guys," "Gilbert, Jefferson, all our brothers are going to be so proud of us." "Gents." "Uh-oh." "I think we're in their seats, guys." "No." "It looks like they're comin' to talk to us." "Whatever's in this drink," "I want to order a case." "It's not the drinks." "It's us." "You see, we're winners, and it shows." "Shall we?" "What?" "Jump Them?" "Talk to them." "Find out what they like... what they're thinking about..." "What they look like naked... if she's got a brother... how long they've been listening." "Hi, Sunny." " Hello again." " Hi." " Yo." "Nice day." " Wow." " Beautiful." " Yo." "Paradise." "It is." " You bet." " Yo." "You wanna get funky or what?" "# Won't you take me to #" "#Funky Town?" "#" "# Won't you take me to #" "#Funky Town?" "#" "# Won't you take me to #" "#Funky Town?" "#" "# Won't you take me to #" "#Funky Town?" "#" "Lewis?" "Would you rub some of this lotion on my back?" "Yeah." "# Talkin' 'bout, talkin' 'bout, talkin' 'bout it #" "# Talkin' 'bout, talkin' 'bout, talkin' 'bout movin'#" "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "Absolutely nothing." "# Gotta move on ##" "Well... actually, the truth of the matter is, Sunny..." "I'm a little nervous." "Nervous?" "Yeah." "I mean..." "I'm not really the cool dude I seem to be." "Oh, no?" "Uh-uh." "I mean I've never... really rubbed lotion on anybody except, uh..." "Poindexter there." "I can't believe this." "What?" "Uh... rubbing lotion..." "on a girl who, uh... could date anybody she wanted in the entire state of Florida." "I don't date that much." "Get out of town!" "Guys like Roger ask you out all the time." "Guys like Roger barely have enough glial cells to be considered primates." "Sometimes it's the shyer guys you wish would ask you out." "Glial cells?" "I'm speaking facetiously." "Everybody knows glial cells aren't measured in quantity, but in ratio to neurons in the parietal lobe." "Sunny, you're amazing." "Guys, we're thirsty." "You want to get us some brewski?" "Yeah!" "We'll get you some brews!" "Sunny, want to kill off some excess glial cells?" "Okay." "Guys, come on!" "Beer run!" "Aah!" "Mmm!" "Don't worry." "We'll be gone in no time." "What do you mean?" "# 4,749,681,999 bottles of beer on the wall # # 4,749,681,999 bottles of beer on the wall #" "# 4,749,681,999 bottles of beer #" "# If one of those bottles should happen to fall # # 4,749,681,998 bottles of beer on the wall ##" "Okay, you guys, you get the suds." "I got to go drain the lizard." "Get some chips, Poindexter." "Anything you want, Admiral." "I got beer!" "Freeze!" "Busted!" "Hands up!" "You're under arrest." "For what?" "Grand theft auto." "Roger Lattimore reported this vehicle stolen this morning." "No, that's a misunderstanding." "Three beautiful girls lent us that car." "Beautiful girls?" "Get your hands up!" "Let's go, fellas." "Come on!" "We're winners, You say." "Okay, so I'm stupid." "What does that make you?" "A felon." "Right here." "No, I'm only 15." "I'm a kid." "That's not what it says here, Senator." "Damn!" "I gotta get out of here." "Damn race is going off in half an hour." "I liked her." "I actually believed her." "I was thinking, "This beautiful girl likes you."" "You were thinking with the wrong head." "There's something of greater importance here." "Yeah, like what?" "It's gonna be a bit inconvenient finishing college from jail." "I studied hard this year." "You know what occurred to me?" "The amendment Lewis cosigned could destroy the Tri-Lambs." "Gosh darn it to heck." "Do you mind?" "I'm cursing." "Back off!" "We're speaking quietly amongst ourselves." "It doesn't pertain to you." "What will we tell Dean Yewlett?" "Listen, you geek!" "Listen, butt-face!" "I'm in no mood for this!" "Why don't you sit down before you really make me mad!" "Do you realize you just said "butt-face"" "to the missing link?" "I did?" "And really loud, too." "No more nerds!" "No more nerds!" "No more nerds!" "No more nerds!" "No more nerds!" "No more nerds!" "No more nerds!" "Yo, yo, yo." "I'm looking for my homeboys." "Looks like you got us instead." "I thought we were getting rid of them." "Yeah, so did i." "What did you do with the Tri-Lambdas?" "What did you say, nerd?" "Tell me what you did, or you're in big trouble." "Big trouble!" "Fellas, relax." "Come here, Stewart." "You're right." "It's really very sad." "What are you talking about?" "The guys are all in jail." "What?" "Yeah, they stole my car." "They stole your car?" "You wanna know the saddest part?" "They're about to get their whole fraternity thrown out of the conference." "What do you mean?" "Ogre, didn't he call you a homo?" "Homo?" "Hey!" "We got a problem here!" "I thought I fired you!" "Nerd." "My God, what happened?" "We're in trouble." "What's wrong?" "The Tri-Lambs stole a car." "They're thrown in jail." "My friends wouldn't have done that." "Who told you this?" "Them." "Good shot." "Here's a problem that just won't go away." "Just like my crabs." "What?" "Let's go finish these geeks off." "Guys, it's just a joke." "You guys, I don't have crabs." "I'll show you if you wanna see." "So long, suckers!" "You guys all right?" "How was doing hard time?" "How did you get money for bail?" "She did." "You?" "I'm sorry." "I swear I didn't know." "Lewis, wait!" "I say we fight back now." "It doesn't matter anymore." "They'll find another way to get rid of us." "They'll send somebody like her." "You're not worth the lotion" "I squirted on you." "I swear I didn't know!" "Oh, I'm so sure." "Just get in the van." "We just don't fit in." "You sound like I sounded before you taught me to fight." "Don't you understand?" "It doesn't matter that we're good dressers or we have good personal hygiene." "Don't you get it?" "People don't want us around." "No shit, Skolnick." "Surprise!" "Ogre!" "Aah!" "Come on, let's go." "Aah!" "We gotta get out of here!" "Come on, get him out here." "Come on." "Ogre, you swine!" "You might have brought us here, but I'm not staying in that cabin anymore." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah!" "Ogre, Ogre, the water." "Right." "Aah!" "You guys are unbelievable." "We spared you, didn't we?" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Aah!" "Hope you like living with fish!" "Have a nice swim!" "Let's get out of here!" "No, wait." "I'm getting the hell out." "Excuse me." "Weird chick." "Excuse me." "What's with you?" "Hey, Sunny!" "Have fun with the geeks!" "Hey, nerd!" "We're gonna miss you tomorrow at the convention when we get your asses exterminated!" "I can't wait to tell everybody how we outsmarted them, framed them, and got them arrested for doing nothing!" "Ogre, listen and try and understand." "If you tell them that, it's gonna give us away." "Let's keep it our little secret." "Secret, my ass." "I can take care of anything." "Fellas, he's history." "History?" "No!" "Help!" "I can't swim!" "Man overboard!" "Guys, Ogre's drowning." "I'm drowning!" "Someone!" "Help me!" "Come on!" "Help!" "I can't swim!" "Oh, God, I'm sinking now!" "Help!" "Help!" "Oh, no!" "I'm gonna die!" "I'm so young!" "Oh, no!" "I'm gonna die!" "Ogre." "Ogre, just relax." "Relax." "Relax." "I'll pull you." "You're a strong little guy." "Come on!" "Swim faster!" "Oh, thank you, thank you." "I thought I was gonna die." "Boy, you're a strong swimmer." "Wow." "Let me go, you fruit!" "I carried you this far." "Work your way in on your own." "I saved your life!" "See you at the convention!" "You all right, Harold?" "Piece of cake." "What are you geeks looking at?" "Those guys just dropped me off to nerd-sit." "Boy, this is great." "The perfect ending of the Tri-Lambs." "Even on a deserted island, we got somebody calling us "geeks"." "Oh, we're gonna do great things at this convention." "I don't know what the hell I was thinking." "We are geeks." "I mean, look at us!" "We're not like anybody else, and we never will be." "Lewis!" "So what do we do now?" "Maybe we should build a fire." "Split up." "Let's find some wood." "Come on, Worm." "Don't even get me started." "We're gonna be here till you're old and gray." "Damn Alpha Betas." "Just my freaking luck." "Bush." "We've got bush!" "Do you guys mind if I sit around here?" "It's getting cold on the beach." "Sure, have a seat." "Pull up a chair." "Eh..." "Hey." "Why not?" "You want a hit?" "Me?" "Yes, you." "Sure." "You don't mind?" "So what you're saying essentially is, is that along with infinite space, which extends beyond perpetual bigness, there's also... infinite smallness?" "How?" "Easy." "Take an asymptotic line and extend it outward." "Right, right, right." "So perpetual bigness exists simultaneously with perpetual smallness." "What was I thinking?" "What if C-A-T really spelled dog?" " God." " Wow." "That's heavy, Ogre." "Dog." "Kind of a bummer, huh?" "Gilbert?" "Hello, Lewis." "How did you get here?" "Don't ask me." "It's your dream." "I woke up." "No, you dreamed You woke up." "Ow!" "Ow!" "Thanks a lot, Gilbert." "I was dreaming about three naked girls." "I know, and I'm a little shocked." "Come on, Lewis." "Come on." "Don't even think about it." "You're still dreaming." "You're not awake." "Look." "Wow." "What do you know, Gilbert?" "I know you're acting like a weenie." "What happened to the old Lewis?" "He got dropped on a deserted island" "With Ogre, of all people." "Those people think we're nerds, and I think they're right." "It doesn't matter what they think." "Did you forget everything we learned at Adams?" "Come here." "What do we have here?" "A great group of guys, but they need someone to make them feel proud about themselves." "She's not one of the guys!" "She betrayed me." "Lewis, use your brain." "She wouldn't be here if she didn't care." "Will you keep it down?" "I don't want to wake up." "Gilbert's my best friend, and this is an important dream." "You guys know that." "She's a great girl, you're a great guy." "If she doesn't like you for who you are, she's not good enough for you." "I know that." "How do you know that?" "I don't." "I'm just your image of Gilbert." "Gilbert, stick to the subject." "I don't know how long you'll be here." "Sorry." "The subject is, you're acting like a weenie." "I am." "It's not too late." "We've gotta get off this island." "They're gonna vote us out of existence." "You've gotta get out of here." "Yeah." "Time's running short." "Your course is clear." "You look great." "I believe in you." "What happens now, Gilbert?" "Well, now you're gonna wake up, so I gotta go." "Ha." "It doesn't always work." "See you." "So long." "Night, guys." "Gentlemen, awaken!" "Let's go!" "Come on!" "Up, everybody, up!" "Move your butts!" "Sunny, I'm sorry." "What?" "Come on, please, Sunny." "I've been ignorant and proud." "Yeah." "Can't you forgive me?" "Real ignorant and proud." "We can't let them vote us out of existence." "We're stranded here." "What do you want?" "We have an aggregate IQ of over 1,000." "Anything's possible." "Amen!" "Who's with me?" "I am." "All right!" "Enough of the hugging!" "Let's go kill them." "First, we have to determine our location." "Given our travel time of 122 minutes and 47 seconds and a headwind of 14.7 knots, and if we take cross variables and factor out the constants, that's 2 degrees by 2 kilometers." "Two plus two would be..." "Four!" "Right." "That means that we are no more than... 44.74 miles from the southernmost tip of Florida." "Just a little to the left." "A little to the right." "Okay." "The angle of the sun will pinpoint our exact latitude and longitude." "Okay." "To the left." "Wormser!" "22.3." "Rodriguez Island." "Frederico Rodriguez?" "Was he an old boyfriend?" "General Rodriguez stole some military supplies from Castro during Bay of Pigs." "He hid them on his island." " This island?" " This island?" "Yes." "There must be tons of shit." "If your calculations are correct." "Wow!" "Military supplies." "All we gotta do is find them." "Right, Poindexter?" "Tell me again what you did." "I ionized the coconut milk and deionized the seawater using your glasses to distill the silicate from the sand." "Then I reversed the polarity of the magnetization." "It's crude, but it might work." "I hope so." "You guys built this thing." "Too bad you can't carry it." "Ogre, shh!" "Come on, you geek." "Carry this thing." "Loud?" "Spread out!" "Spread out!" "Let's look for it, guys." "What is it?" "Hey, you guys!" "I found a cable!" "So did we!" "Geeks!" "Hey, guys... bingo." "Hey, Booger!" "Booger, come here, man." "Check this out." "What the hell is it?" "I don't know, but there's a lot." "Could be our ticket out." "And now... the last order of business before we close this convention." "As many of you already know, the Adams College chapter of Lambda Lambda Lambda disgraced itself yesterday by being arrested on a charge of grand theft auto." "Pursuant to the recently adopted constitutional amendment, we must now vote on whether to expel those Lambdas from the conference and to terminate its national charter." "Before we vote, do the Lambdas have anything to say in their defense?" "Anything at all?" "If I could just interject for a second here." "I find this really insulting." "I guess the Lambdas don't feel they have to explain their actions to their brothers." "Aah!" "If we can just have a little order... then we can get this whole sad event behind us." "All those in favor of expelling the Lambdas, please signify..." "What is that?" "Gentlemen!" "It's the nerds." "They're back and they're bad." "We wanted to be heard." "That's my leg!" "Wait!" "Stop!" "Sit down!" "A motion's on the floor!" "Poindexter, stop!" "We're here!" "Hooray!" "Aah!" "I'm trying!" "I'm trying!" "Let me out, you crazy maniac!" "Stop it!" "Nice job, Poindexter." "Yo." "Can I borrow your mike?" "Sure." "Thanks." "Everyone, can I have your attention, please?" "Sorry, pal." "I would like to speak in our defense." "No, there's a motion to expel you." "My statement will be brief." "Fellas, get him." "Cool down." "Hey." "We wanna hear what the brother has to say." "Sure thing." "Right..." "Tiny?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah, that's great, fellas." "You're dead, nerd." "You're dead meat." "Thanks, guys." "Ogre." "Where's Ogre?" "What did you do to Ogre?" "Hey!" "Hi, Rog!" "Ogre, baby, are you okay?" "I'm fine." "I got a job for you." "Great." "Take a look at these guys." "Tell me what these guys have in common, Ogre." "I don't know, Rog." "They're all wearing green." "Come on, take a closer look." "They're ugly." "They're wearing funny clothes." "They're different." "Look at this pathetic bunch of losers." "You got an effeminate little pansy." "Hey!" "You got a four-eyed geek, a nose-picking pervert." "Where's the monitor of this special ed class?" "Enough!" "Nobody talks about my brothers that way." "They're all about to get expelled for stealing my car." "They didn't steal it!" "They were framed!" "He set them up!" "Okay, maybe I did." "What are you gonna do?" "Make a speech?" "It's not gonna do any good because I'm strong and you're weak." "I'm the guy everyone wants to be like, and you are pathetic." "That's the way it's always gonna be, and there's nothing you or your geek friends can do or say about it." "Comprende, dick-head?" "You're right, Roger." "There's nothing I can say about it." "But there's something I've gotta do about it." "Lewis, you stud, you!" "Nerds!" "Nerds!" "Ogre!" "Ogre!" "Nerds!" "Ogre!" "Uh..." "Nerds!" "Nerds!" "Nerds!" "Nerds!" "Dear brethren, we are called together today to initiate the newest member of the Lambda Lambda Lambda fraternity." "Do you," "Fredrick Aloysius Polowatsky, solemnly swear to stand together with your fellow brethren with dignity and compassion?" "To respect all those who pass through these doors?" "And to uphold the values we hold dear to the Tri-Lambs?" "I do!" "Are we ready with the ceremonial punch?" "Fredrick." "Ogre." "Fredrick." "Hup!" "Oh, Lambda truest," "I am the newest member of your clan, and in your..." " Hallways." " Hallways." "Hallways," "I swear I'll always be proud of what I am." "And now, our newest Tri-Lamb may drink." "Ya ya ya!" "# Grab your coat, honey #" "# Grab your hat #" "#This train is leavin' #" "#And it ain't comin' back #" "# Don't need a ticket #" "# Can't you understand?" "#" "#You're on your way #" "#To the promised land?" "#" "# It's overdue #" "# But now the time is right #" "#Yeah #" "# It's up to you #" "#To make it real #" "# So take me #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "# Old Saint Peter at the pearly gate #" "# Said, "Hurry up, boy," #" "# "Or you're gonna be late" #" "#Take your mind off your worries #" "# For a moment or two #" "#You gotta rock to the rhythm # # it ain't hard to do #" "# 'Cause what you see #" "# I know you're gonna like #" "#Yeah #" "# It's up to you #" "#To make it real #" "# So take me #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "# Paradise #" "# Oh, yeah #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "# Paradise #" "Yeah!" "#When it's out of reach #" "# It's just another beach #" "# In another town #" "#You get your feet back on the ground #" "#You worked all your life #" "#You ain't satisfied #" "#With a thing you've found #" "#When will you realize #" "# It'll come around?" "#" "# Pack your bags, baby, get your things #" "#You'll never know what tomorrow brings #" "# Mind your step, and watch what you say #" "# Before you know, you'll be on your way #" "# It's overdue #" "# But now the time is right #" "#Yeah #" "# It's up to you #" "#To make it real #" "# So take me #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "#Take me back to paradise #" "# Paradise #" "#Won't you take me back to paradise?" "#" "# Paradise #" "# Oh, take me back to paradise ##"