"(barking orders)" "Come on, hurry up, hurry up." "Hey, wait'll New York gets a load of Bilko" "in this outfit, huh?" "Ha-ha!" "Come on, let's go, you guys." "Look at me." "I'm Anthony..." "Hey, that's Bilko's hat!" "Hey, is Bilko gonna wear this on the yacht?" "Are you kidding?" "That's Bilko's smoking jacket!" "Smoking jacket!" "You mean, Bilko's really gonna spend his furlough in New York with a millionaire?" "That's the Bilko luck." "This guy Morgan Twinhasey he was overseas with turned out to be a Wall Street big shot." "Ten-shun!" "Oh, now, stop with the jokes!" "Come on!" "After all, my furlough started an hour ago." "This is on my own time." "Fender, please?" "Give me a sweep." "Give it character, please?" "But Sarge, an admiral's uniform?" "Doberman, will you look alive, please?" "After all, I'll be sailing on my friend Twinhasey's private yacht to Bermuda." "Bermuda..." "Hey, can't you just see me at the wheel?" ""Oh, I say!" "Is that the Vanderbilts' yacht" ""off on the left stern?" ""Ahoy there, Alf!" "Race you to the yacht club!" ""Last one in has to eat yesterday's caviar!" "Oh, you peasant, you!"" "(laughter)" "BARBELLA:" "Hey, Sarge, this Twinhasey's really loaded, huh?" "Loaded?" "Get a load of the stationery he sent me the invitation on." "If it was any more expensive, you couldn't even fold it at all." ""From the desk of S. Morgan Twinhasey," "Butterworth, Butterworth ButterworthInvestments."" "He looked 'em up in Dun  Bradstreet." "They're really loaded." "Rich?" "Oh-ho!" "Butterworth, Butterworth  Butterworth." "Why not?" "The whole family's working." "So you found out he was rich and you wrangled an invitation to stay at his house." "Here it comes, the envy-- you hear him dripping envy?" "Wrangled?" "What wrangled?" "!" "Get a load of this." ""Dear Ernie, glad to hear you're going to spend your furlough in New York."" "(chuckles) Eat your heart out." "It goes on further and says:" ""My wife and I discussed your suggestion" "(fast, quiet):" ""that you stay with us, and we would be very happy..." Do you hear that?" ""...we would be very happy to put you up." ""We do live a rather unexciting life, but we want you to see Bermuda."" "(quietly):" "Bermuda...!" "Okay, Sarge, the jeep is ready to take you to the airport." "Here we go." "Oh, I better get rid of this." "We may sail by a battleship and they'll start with those 21-gun salutes, and me with my sinus." "Ah!" "This is more like it-- this has that nautical touch." "All right, away we go." "Ahoy, you landlubbers." "Move it." "Move it." "Oh, just a moment." "Allow me the pleasure of looking at this unprivileged living that I won't have to put up with for the next three weeks." "Oh, this poor, underprivileged child." "This child of the tenements." "(chuckles)" "Good-bye, Army cot!" "Good-bye, depression living!" "Oh, I could just see the Twinhasey townhouse." "Sumptuous, with carpet so thick you have to use snowshoes." "Can't you just see Twinhasey walking into the drawing room, lovely in his Dior smoking jacket, saying to his wife, "And for you, my dear," ""a star sapphire."" ""Why?"" ""After all, darling, it is Thursday."" "(laughing)" "I'll write ya!" "# #" "I finished washing out the socks, Brenda." "I'll hang them up for you." "(knocking)" "Come in." "Oh, yes." "Oh, that's the Army cot for Sergeant Bilko." "Put it right here..." "Trouble, trouble, nothing but trouble." "It's awfully nice of you to let us use your extra cot, Mr. Hesselman." "For what?" "I was expecting the duke and the duchess over for the weekend, but they can sleep in the coal bin." "Uh, Mr. Hesselman, wait a minute." "Oh, what is it?" "I'm busy." "Speak to him, speak to him." "Mr. Hesselman, about the heat..." "What about the heat?" "!" "Well, there isn't any." "Oh, you noticed it, huh?" "Look, Mr. Hesselman..." "Now, you look, Twinhasey, last night the weatherman on television said it was gonna be warm today, so the landlord didn't send over any coal." "So if it's freezing, don't bother me, go call CBS." "Oh, I..." "I wish our..." "I wish our rent was paid up so I could really tell him." "Morgan, when are you gonna tell the Butterworths that $42 a week isn't a fitting wage for a head bookkeeper?" "Brenda, you know they're very conservative." "They're old fuddy-duddies who think what was a good salary a hundred years ago is still..." "Brenda, you'll wake the baby." "Don't worry about Bermuda-- she's sound asleep." "But if you'd only explain to Mr. Bickle..." "Honey, you know just what old Mr. Bickle says when I mention that I need more money" ""What's the matter, Twinhasey?" "Out with those Ziegfeld girls again?"" "(knocking)" "Yeah." "Ahoy there!" "Ernie!" "Is that the Vanderbilt yacht off on the left stern?" "Hey, Alf!" "I..." "Boy, you look wonderful!" "This is my wife, Brenda." "How are you?" "Morgan's told me a lot about you." "He has?" "Look at him wearing that Navy hat, Brenda." "Didn't I tell you he was always joking?" "Boy, are we going to show you a time!" "If we can get a baby-sitter tonight." "We're going to a newsreel, and then back here for peanut butter sandwiches." "Oh, great, great." "I..." "Oh, put it right over here." "Right in here, will you, pal?" "Thanks a lot." "Here." "A buck?" "Downstairs you promised me five bucks." "That was downstairs." "On the double." "(growls) Look alive!" "(barks orders)" "Let me take your coat, Ernie." "No, no, thanks." "I'd rather keep it on." "Oh, I..." "I understand, Ernie." "But this is all just temporary." "Oh." "Temporary?" "Yes, by tomorrow morning you'll be warm as toast." "Oh." "Wait till you see Bermuda." "Bermuda?" "She's sleeping now." "Uh-huh." "Oh, I see what happened." "You closed the townhouse;" "you had to have a place to stay while you had the yacht refitted, right?" "Bermuda..." "Who's sleeping?" "Our baby, Bermuda." "Your baby's name is Bermuda?" "Well, I'll get dinner ready." "Oh, Sergeant, we have a surprise for you!" "Chipped beef on toast!" "(Brenda laughs)" "Here's where you'll sleep, Ernie." "We figured you'd like a room to yourself, you know?" "Come here." "It seems like I came at an inopportune time." "I'm sorry about it." "Now, when did it happen?" "When did what happen?" "When did you get wiped out?" "Wiped out?" "Yeah." "Had it all in industrials, huh?" "There was a slump, you couldn't recoup, and Butterworth let you go, huh?" "I-I'm still with Butterworth ButterworthButterworth." "You are?" "Yeah." "In fact, I just had an advancement." "Oh, I see what this is." "This is a tax dodge, huh?" "Tax dodge?" "Don't worry, the government will never hear a word from me." "Let them go find the money." "(laughs)" "You people who deal in millions, you really think-- cover it up, live poor, huh?" "Ha-ha!" "Wizards, that's what you are!" "Wizards!" "Ernie, look, just because I'm with a concern that deals in millions doesn't mean I'm rich." "Well, you just said you've been with them 19 years," "you just got promoted." "Yeah, I did." "I'm head bookkeeper now." "I just got a raise to $42 a week." "You got a raise to $42 a week?" "Ernie, you don't understand." "Butter..." "You've been with them 19 years, and you get $42 a week?" "Yeah, next year I get a golden watch." "So you can time the hunger pangs?" "Oh, Ernie, you don't under..." "you don't understand." "Look, I do understand." "You work amongst millions and you make $42 a week?" "!" "What are they trying to do, dare you to take it?" "Ernie, don't start." "It's the break of my life to be with..." "Break?" "You work amongst millionaires and this is the best you can do?" "I work amongst paupers and I do better than that." "What's the matter with you?" "Don't you want to be rich?" "What do you got against money?" "Nothing." "I haven't got anything against money, but..." "Ah, there's your trouble-- "but."" "That word "but." I see now." "You're a "but" man." "That's the difference between success and failure, the use of the word "but."" "Take it out of your vocabulary." ""But." Never say "but"!" "Now, a hundred years ago, there was a man named Louis Pasteur." "And he said, "I think I will purify milk."" "There was another man named Edward Schlemmer." "He said, "I think I'll purify milk, but..."" "So today, we drink pasteurized milk." "Let me ask you something." "When's the last time you bought a bottle of Schlemmerized milk?" "Well?" "Did you?" "Did you?" "No, but..." ""But"!" "There you go with the "buts" again." "Forget the word "but."" "Speak with confidence." "Say something and mean it." "Confidence!" "Say, "I want to be rich."" "I want to be rich." "Is that all the confidence you got?" "Not only will you be rich, you'll have to get the breaks to be poor." "I can see your problem now." "I'll have to step in." "I'll see Butterworth first thing in the morning." "Butterworth, Ernie." "Oh, Mr. Butterworth hardly knows who I am." "He'll know you when I get through with him, pal." "What do you mean?" "What do I mean?" "The law of supply and demand." "You want to get rich, you want more money?" "Supply, I'm going to make a demand for you." "That's..." "Ernie, you don't know this concern." "They're old-fashioned!" "Wait a second, please." "Let me see." "What'll I wear?" "Well, I was going to save this when I met Ali Khan, but it'll have to be..." "Ernie, they're old, conservative..." "Now, what's the matter?" "!" "Don't you want to be rich?" "Yes, but..." ""But" uh-uh, "but"?" "Ernie, you'll ruin me, Ernie!" "There you go with the "buts."" "No, I... please!" "First thing in the morning-- my mind is made up-- I'm seeing Butterworth." "You..." "The baby's up." "Come on, Sarge." "We want you to see Bermuda." "Come on!" "Let's..." "Oh, wait a minute." "Hold it." "What are you doing?" "Okay." "Take me to Bermuda." "Here we go." "Morning, Mr. Smith." "Morning, Mr. Bickle." "Good morning, Mr. Kennedy." "Good morning, Mr. Bickle." "Well, Twinhasey, I suppose perhaps you've forgotten that on the day the board of directors meet, we all get here 15 minutes earlier on our own time." "Oh, I'm sorry, sir." "I forgot." "Out with those Ziegfeld girls again, eh?" "Oh, no, sir." "Twinhasey!" "Yes, sir?" "(whispers):" "Oh, yeah." "That's the second time this month you've left the light on." "Are you out to destroy" "Butterworth, Butterworth Butterworth?" "No, sir." "I'm just a little nervous this morning, sir." "Well, I suppose when you're dancing all night at the Delmonico with those Ziegfeld girls..." "Bickle!" "Yes, Mr. Butterworth?" "The board is waiting to meet." "Get me the papers on the Spencer," "Harris and Hubell account." "Yes, sir!" "Do you hear that, Twinhasey?" "Mr. Butterworth, the Third, wants those papers." "Yes, sir." "I'll get them." "Bickle, I notice there's a shortage of paper clips." "BICKLE:" "I..." "I check up on them every night." "BUTTERWORTH:" "And the ink?" "BICKLE:" "They're taking it home in the fountain pens." "BUTTERWORTH:" "Grandfather built this firm on economy, and I want it to continue!" "That's the way I want to keep it, sir." "Good." "Here you are, sir." "I hope you made no mistake, Twinhasey." "Spencer, Hubell and Harris is one of the biggest banking houses in the world." "If they choose us as the brokers for their bond issues, we'll double our business." "Yeah, yes, sir." "What's the matter, Twinhasey?" "Something troubling you?" "No, Sergeant." "Uh, n-no, sir." "What's the matter with Twinhasey?" "He looks jumpy." "Guilty conscience or something." "I'll start checking the books." "You had better." "Where's Father?" "The board members are waiting." "Grandfather isn't here yet, Dad." "Is Mr. Butterworth, the First, actually coming here this morning, sir?" "With an important decision coming up from Spencer, Hubell and Harris-- why, of course." "Did you hear that, Twinhasey?" "Mr. Butterworth, the First, himself!" "Oh, yes." "Oh, here he is!" "Good morning, Mr. Butterworth." "Mr." "Butterworth is here!" "Here he comes." "Good morning, Father." "Good morning, Grandfather." "I'll take over from here, Evans." "Ah, ah, ah..." "What is it, Dad?" "What?" "The light!" "Turn off the light!" "The light!" "(high-pitched squeaky voice):" "Na..." "Name?" "The name is Twinhasey." "Oh! "Twinhasey."" "Gentlemen, Mr. Gillespie of Spencer, Hubell and Harris has written an excellent report on our firm." "We have every reason to believe that our getting the Spencer, Hubell and Harris account is now just a formality." "Dad, did you hear that?" "(applause)" "Hear, hear!" "Hear, hear, hear!" "All right, Jarvis, have the car back within the hour!" "May I help you, sir?" "Are you from Spencer, Hubell and Harris, sir?" "Now, wouldn't you like to know?" "I beg your pardon, sir." "I am the office manager." "Can I help you?" "Do I look like the type who usually talks to office managers, now, really?" "Of course not." "Why, I beg your pardon, sir." "Those are our files." "Really?" "Something to hide?" "Oh, no, sir." "Are they expecting you, sir?" "Good heavens, I hope not." "(Bilko laughs)" "You may announce me, however." "But they're having a board meeting, sir." "(Bilko barking orders)" "Ernie, what are you doing?" "Shh-shh-shh!" "(stammers)" "Who's Spencer, Hubell and Harris?" "A billion-dollar bank." "Our new account, maybe!" "That's all I have to know." "I'm going to create a demand for you." "You sit there and be quiet-- shh!" "Let me handle this." "He won't give his name?" "He's poking into our files?" "I'll handle this." "What, what'd you say?" "Dad says show him in." "Show him in, a total stranger?" "What'd you say, Dad?" "Yes." "Yes, Dad." "Dad's right, gentlemen." "Don't you see?" "He's from Spencer, Hubell and Harris." "He's just checking on us before-before they sign." "(chuckles)" "Good thinking, Dad." "Good thinking." "Gentlemen, this is Mr., uh... (growling)" "(humming)" "What...?" "Ah..." "I'm, uh, Butterworth, the Third." "I suppose you're from Spencer, Hubell and Harris." "You suppose quite a lot with very little ground." "Well, I..." "Are you an example of the personnel here?" "Hasty to jump to conclusions?" "Look at me, man, when I speak!" "Don't shift your eyes." "Son-Son, were you-- were you shifting your eyes?" "Dad, I wasn't shifting my eyes!" "Ah." "I see." "Quick to lose your temper, eh?" "Covering up, something to hide?" "Now, which one of you is Butterworth?" "I am Mr. Butterworth." "Are you still capable of a good day's work, sir?" "I don't have to take this." "Don't mumble." "Speak up." "What is it?" "What?" "I don't have to take this." "That's better." "Speak clearly." "We've become a nation of mumblers." "Now, gentlemen, hear this." "I'll be brief." "I have this to say: uh-- no notes." "No notes when I speak." "Haven't seen you lately at Duane Doberman's party." "Duane who?" "Good heavens, you are out of touch." "You don't know Duane Doberman, one of the great financial geniuses of our day?" "I don't have to take this." "Why is he mumbling?" "Continually mumbling." "Why does he mumble?" "Dad isn't mumbling." "Oh, I see, covering up, eh?" "Honor among thieves and all that sort of thing." "Well, let me say this-- eh..." "No notes." "I won't have that." "No" " I want this man's name." "Make me a list of that." "Gentlemen, I'll be brief." "I've seen your office." "I've seen you." "Frankly, I don't like what I see." "What?" "Oh, you don't?" "Well, Mr. Gillespie, of Spencer, Hubell and Harris, made an exhaustive survey of our firm." "Here's his report." "He was pleased with us." "Indeed." "Mr. Gillespie was pleased." "Suppose you ask yourself:" "Is Spencer, Hubell and Harris pleased with your Mr. Gillespie?" "Now, see here." "I've known William Gillespie" "for 25..." "Oh." "William, is it?" "I haven't heard him referred to that in many a moon." "William, indeed." "We know him more intimately as Willy the Bungler." "I don't have to..." "He's mumbling!" "Why does he mumble when I speak?" "I won't have this, because... in the" "No notes." "I will have no notes taken here." "And so you gentlemen actually had the audacity to think you can get the Spencer, Hubell and Harris account, now did you?" "We have top executive strength." "Here's our personnel report." "(chuckling):" "Oh, really?" "Personnel, really?" "Oh..." "This is rather laughable." "You call this a...?" "Good heavens!" "I didn't know he was with you." "He, who?" "Who-who is he?" "Twinhasey." "Is Twinhasey with you?" "Yes, yes." "Twinhasey is with us." "Oh, good ole Twinhasey." "Twinhasey?" "The one who left the light burning." "I'll kill him." "I'll kill him." "Uh, Grandfather, Grandfather!" "He" " Twinhasey is one of our best men." "Spencer, Hubell and Harris like him." "Oh, a good man." "A splendid man." "Splendid man." "Good man." "How can you hold him all these years, I'll never understand." "Must cost you a fortune to" "$42 a week?" "!" "Well, he came high, but he was worth it." "High?" "Do you realize we've been looking for years for a man like this?" "We at Spencer, Hubell and Harris are prepared to pay him $200 a week." "Why, he's the very man to head my staff." "Your staff?" "He's still working for us." "Ah, going to be dog-eat-dog, is it?" "Well, let me warn you of something." "When I want a man, I get him." "And I want Twinhasey!" "He wants to steal Twinhasey, Grandfather." "You won't get him." "He's a loyal employee." "He's a Butterworth, Butterworth Butterworthman." "He won't leave here!" "We'll jolly well see about that." "I'm prepared to offer him $200 a week." "If you can top that, we'll take it from there." "Well, we'll see about that." "We jolly well will see." "And let me leave you with this thought: that" "Notes." "No notes." "I won't have that." "I want that man's name." "If I see him on the Stock Exchange," "I'll hand in my resignation." "Good day, gentlemen!" "Really!" "Ernie..." "Shh." "What-- what's going on here?" "I got you $200 a week." "$200...!" "If they try to cut you down, hold out." "Listen to me." "Good luck." "Is there anything that... (growling)" "He whispered something to Twinhasey and they shook hands." "He whispered something to Twinhasey" "and they shook hands." "He's stealing him away from us!" "Grandfather, we've got to-- give him $200 a week to keep him." "$200?" "!" "Yes, yes, yes." "Dad, we have to." "Son, you call him in." "Yes, Dad." "Whoo!" "What'd you say?" "What?" "Come back." "Ooh, ooh!" "What's that, Dad?" "(whispering)" "Yes." "Yes." "(whispering)" "Yes, Dad's right." "Dad's right, gentlemen." "We almost made a terrible mistake." "We're in no position to antagonize Spencer, Hubell and Harris." "If they want Twinhasey, why, we can't stand in their way." "Son, you call him in." "Father himself will speak to him." "Come in, Mr. Twinhasey." "Did you call me, sir?" "Congratulations, Twinhasey." "Well, thank you, sir." "Congratulations, Twinhasey." "Thank you, sir." "My grandfather himself wants to say something to you." "Yes." "Twinhasey?" "Yes, Mr. Butterworth?" "You're fired." "Fired?" "!" "(mutters)" "# #" "Other men have been fired." "There are other jobs, better jobs." "Oh, Morgan, I never saw you take a drink in your life." "You've gotta pull yourself together." "Well, sir, we did it, we did it!" "Ah, celebrating." "What'd they go to, $250?" "They fired him." "They what?" "!" "They fired...?" "They can't do that." "I created a demand for him!" "Oh, I see what I have to do." "Right to the top I go." "Spencer, Hubell and Harris." "Spencer, Hubell and Harris?" "They don't know Morgan's alive." "They don't, huh?" "Well, when I get through with them, they'll know he's alive." "I'm gonna see them first thing in the morning." "I'm gonna create a demand for you!" "(sighs):" "Oh, boy." "Well, this is an excellent report on Butterworth, Gillespie." "Just the firm to handle our bond issues;" "old, reliable, excellent personnel." "Good." "(Bilko whistling)" "Well, then, just a matter of, uh... signing..." "Who is he?" "Oh, excellent." "Picasso at his best." "Picasso at his best!" "And who are you?" "A friend." "A friend?" "A friend." "Get out of my office!" "Excuse me." "Would you say that again, what you just said?" "Get out of my..." "No, no, no, the way you said it." "Get out of my office!" "Amazing!" "The exact words and the very same intonations" "used by Frasier Peck." "Frasier Peck?" "Yes, it was Frasier Peck many years ago sitting in his office, this young man came in with a bottle of oil and said," ""Mr. Peck, I think we could sell this."" "And Mr. Peck said to that young man-- what was it you just said?" "Get out..." "I mean the way you said it." "Get out of my office!" "Exactly." "He said that to the young man." "The young man's name was" "John D. Rockefeller." "Rockefeller?" "I see you have a wonderful view here of Rockefeller Center, don't you?" "If one cranes a bit, one can see just about a corner of the Bowery." "As a matter of fact, you can almost see in the very doorway where Frasier Peck is sleeping it off right now." "Frasier Peck..." "You resemble him tremendously." "You really do." "Gillespie, who is he?" "Gilles...?" "Willy the Bungler, is that him?" "GILLESPIE:" "Bungler?" "!" "Wh-What's the meaning of this?" "I suppose this is the Butterworth reports," "aren't they?" "Yes." "I guess I should let you go through with this." "It's been some years since Wall Street has had a good laugh." "A laugh?" "Oh, this is excellent." "The Patagonian slipdrips." "Is this a new plant?" "Let's go over this report." "There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, sir." "Every asset of Butterworth," "Butterworth  Butterworth is listed there!" "Including the name S. Morgan Twinhasey." "Who's Twinhasey?" "Twinhasey?" "Incredible." "You don't know Twinhasey?" "The man whose genius, the man whose reports, the man whose know-how is responsible for keeping those old fossils going?" "Gillespie, don't you know Twinhasey?" "Oh, of course!" "Twinhasey!" "Top man." "He's a top man, eh?" "Top man?" "!" "Twinhasey is" "Butterworth, Butterworth Butterworth." "He's the brains of the company." "Without him, there is no Butterworth!" "Oh, so this Twinhasey is" "Butterworth, Butterworth Butterworth?" "Was." "BOTH:" "Was?" "!" "He's not with them anymore." "Gillespie, why wasn't I told that Twinhasey isn't with" "Butterworth, Butterworth Butterworthanymore?" "But sir, he's listed right here!" "Yeah?" "We'll see about this." "Get me Butterworth, Butterworth Butterworth." "Macedonian silk, isn't it?" "Yes." "Beautiful, beautiful." "You know, if I couldn't have Macedonian silk in my drapes," "I'd just as soon live in a cave." "Really?" "You can understand, can't you?" "(phone rings)" "Butterworth, Butterworth Butterworth?" "This is Spencer of Spencer, Hubell and Harris." "I want to speak to Mr. Twinhasey." "What?" "He's not with you anymore?" "!" "Willy the Bungler." "But sir, he's listed right there!" "Quiet!" "I want to speak to Mr. Butterworth." "No, not the Third or the Second-- the First!" "I don't care if he is out playing golf!" "I want to speak to him immediately!" "If they think they're gonna get our business with their key man not with them anymore..." "Well, I guess my work here is done." "I'll carry on." "Oh, we owe you a debt of gratitude, Mr., uh..." "Just a friend." "Oh, I love this Picasso." "Thank you." "The blue and grays make me want to cry." "Want to cry!" "Thank you, sir, thank you." "Willy, be alive, Willy." "Well, I'm off to the hunt." "See you." "(chuckles) You've been a lot of fun." "(door closes)" "Butterworth?" "!" "Listen, Butterworth, unless you get Twinhasey back, forget our account!" "(knocking)" "MRS. TWINHASEY:" "Just a minute." "(gasps)" "Twinhasey live here?" "Yes." "Mr. Butterworth..." "This way, Dad." "Oh, Morgan?" "!" "Morgan?" "!" "Twinhasey-- where is he?" "He's coming, Grandfather." "What, dear?" "Why'd you...?" "Mr. Butterworth?" "Twinhasey, my dad offers you $200 a week if you'll come back." "$200 a...?" "Morgan, did you hear that?" "Well, what is my head bookkeeper doing living in a place like this?" "Mr. Butterworth, $42 a week isn't what it used to be in your day." "It isn't?" "Why wasn't I informed of this?" "$250." "$250?" "Oh, Mr. Butterworth, I don't deserve $250..." "Nonsense, nonsense." "Why, Twinhasey, without you," "Butterworth, Butterworth  Butterworth is just a shell!" "Well!" "Well, well, well!" "You're too late." "Twinhasey has promised to stay with us." "I know when I'm beaten." "I should have known better than to tangle with the Tiger of Wall Street." "That is a charming costume." "Didn't I see you in the Our Gang comedies some time ago?" "That is rather ravishing." "You're looking good." "Height of fashion today." "Well..." "Well, you can tell your firm of Spencer, Hubell and Harris that they're dealing with a live-wire outfit." "Spencer, Hubell...?" "But Ern..." "Sergeant!" ""Sarge"?" "Yeah." "He's referring to my old firm-- Sarge, Sarge  Battersby." "Well, I must go." "There's a run on oil, you know." "I must go." "Ernie!" "Well, Mr. Butterworth, you've been the victim of an unethical plot to get me more money." "Pay no attention to him." "You understand, he's been drinking." "You remember how Diamond Jim used to put it away?" "Same thing with this boy." "He doesn't know what he's saying." "Ernie, please, Ernie." "Mr. Butterworth, he's no big mystery man of Wall Street." "He's just Ernie Bilko." "He's a soldier." "We were in the war together." "You mean this-this whole thing-- his phony act at the board meeting...?" "Grandfather, did you hear that?" "(odd gasping)" "Dad, what is it?" "What is it?" "!" "Oh, no!" "He's laughing!" "(all laugh)" "Bilko, at your age, that's just what I would have done." "Ah, he's a good sport!" "Twinhasey?" "Yes?" "You show up for work." "We'll have your new office ready." "Leave everything to him." "As a matter of fact, you can take a couple of weeks off." "Why don't we...?" "I know a place that has three bands." "Why don't we dance?" "(door closes)" "At last, a new apartment!" "Oh!" "Maybe a car!" "I can't believe it!" "(Bilko humming)" "Ernie, how can I thank you?" "You don't have to." "Don't stop me now." "Where are you going?" "Mr." "Butterworth just invited me to a cruise to Bermuda on his yacht." "Mr." "Butterworth has a yacht?" "No, but he's gonna have one." "Ahoy there, Butterworth, you old salt." "The girls in the bikinis are mine!" "Yeah!" "ANNOUNCER:" "Also appearing in tonight's cast were Maclean Savage as Mr. Butterworth, the First," "Eddie Phillips as Twinhasey," "Athena Lorde as his wife, and Mort Stephens as Mr. Bickle."