"Finals!" "Oh, my God." "I didn't even see it coming." " Three in one day!" " English, chemistry, and history." "With only ten minutes in between?" "That's not enough time to study." "Cory, do not even try to call me for the next two weeks." "I'll be incommunicado." "Wow, that's guts." "We're studying, and she's off to Mexico." " This schedule stinks, man." " Whoa, guys." "Guys, calm down, all right?" "Now, if we devote the next two weeks to studying in the library, we got no problem." "Guys, we got a problem here." "I mean, finals start in two days." " How did this sneak up on us?" " I don't know, man, 'cause these books haven't left my side in two weeks." "You know, Shawn, what kind of evil, sick, twisted mind would think of a finals schedule like this?" "Hi, gang." "Mr. Feeny, about this finals schedule." "It's either gotta be a mistake or a joke." "And, let's face it, you're not really funny." "And you're not really studying." "I suggest you do." "You know, if we just buckle down and study," "I'm sure we would have no problem at all." "I'll tell you when we've got no problem." "It's when you get rid of Feeny." " What do you mean?" " I mean get rid of him." "Those guys give me the creeps." "Yeah, but we do have a real gripe here." "I mean, too much work, not enough time." "You know, gang, the only way Feeny's gonna listen to us is if we organize and show strength." " Right?" " Yeah!" "So are you with me?" "OK, Mr. Turner." "Now, we go to school all year, and I'll be honest, we don't like it." "And now it's the end of the year, and we gotta take all these finals about stuff we already learned, and, naturally, have forgotten about." " I mean, why does Feeny like torturing us?" " Have you got a point, Matthews?" " Well, yeah." "We're very upset." " (all) Yeah." "So?" "It's a tough schedule." "That's what school's all about." "Yeah, but not this tough." "I mean, people are starting to crack." "Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen..." "And she's not even in chemistry." "Feeny's schedule is a conspiracy, man." "It's exactly like the government not telling us about the aliens that are living in our old trailer park." " Mr. and Mrs. Monroe." " Uh-huh." "And their little dog, too." "Look, it's not enough that we have to take all these finals, but why does he have to jam them all together?" "Yeah." "It's a reasonable question." "I tell you what." "I'll talk to Feeny." "I'll get a reasonable answer." " No!" " George, I..." "I am not about to change my finals policy to suit the whims of a few disgruntled students." "Yeah, but, George, I think they may have a point." "I mean, why do we have to lump these finals together like that?" "I mean, wouldn't it be easier if we just spread them out, just a little bit?" "That would be much easier." "And if we ask them simpler questions, that would be easier still." "If we had no tests, just put on party hats and played the hokey-pokey." "I dare say that my students would love me." "If you lose the hokey-pokey thing, I think you're on to something." "George, I think they may have a valid concern." "I mean, can't you at least hear them out?" "I will always have time to listen to my students." "So?" "So?" "Schedule changed?" "He agreed to listen to one of you, so appoint a leader." " Oh, look." "A quarter." " Yeah!" "All right, Cory." "You're our leader." "Boy, you guys have to be the cheapest gang I've ever seen." "All right, Matthews." "But if you can't change that old dinosaur's mind, we will." "Hey, Denny, Denny." "I've known the guy since I was in diapers." "I mean, I ate his dirt, for crying out loud." "Mr. Matthews." "I understand you have some concerns about the finals." "Uh, yes." "Yes I do." "Because, you gotta admit, three finals in one day is kinda tough." "How long has the exam schedule been posted?" "Couple of days." "Two weeks." "And how long have you had to study the material?" "Two weeks." "All semester." "And you come to me now?" "How can I take you seriously?" "OK." "I didn't wanna use this, but we're neighbors, right?" " Oh, here we go." " All right." "Do you remember back when I was a kid, and I ate all that dirt, and you were good enough to call poison control?" "I wanted my dirt back." "Well, I guess I want you to kinda do that again." "You know, one lifelong friend to another." "Cory." "George." "Get out." "So, Matthews, what does the new schedule look like?" "Uh, well, to many of you it will look much like the old schedule, but I, as your leader..." "I got nothing." "So the old dinosaur made no changes at all?" " 'Fraid not." " Look, Matthews, you had your chance." "And your way worked for, uh... never!" " Now it's time to do things my way." " Well, what is your way?" "Look, Feeny has made our lives miserable, uh... forever." "And now it's time to give him back a little bit of what he gave us." " Are you with me?" " Yeah!" " All right." " (girl) All right!" " Let's go." " Let's do it." "Shawn, Shawn." "Where are you going?" "Cory," "I hate these exams." "(door bell)" " Hi." " Hi." "I'm Brenda." "Oh, right." "Hi." "Um..." " You obviously didn't get the message." " Amy left a message?" "Yeah, they had car trouble." "They're not gonna be able to make it." "Oh, well, so..." " I guess it's just you and me then, huh?" " Uh, yeah." "Just you and me, and the collective works of Billy-Bob Shakespeare." "Right." "Amy told me you're very devoted to your work." "Yeah." "Oh, my God." "Yeah, I know." "I was hitting puberty the exact moment they took that picture." "No, uh," "I thought you were Jonathan Turner." "Your mother was fixing us up tonight, and..." " I feel really stupid." " Wait, uh, no!" "No, I..." "Not at all." "I'm actually kinda flattered." "Look, I mean, my mom already called and cancelled Mr. Turner, and I haven't had dinner yet, so what say we go grab a little bite-ski?" " A little bite-ski, huh?" " Yeah." " All right." "Let's go." " Great." "All right." "Well, let's get out of here before you get any older." "Hey, that's funny." "(crashing)" "(boy) Let's get outta here!" "So, while the abolitionist, John Brown, thought of himself as a hero because of his night raids, he was eventually captured and hanged by the neck for his crimes." "So, with that we conclude the semester." "(bell rings)" "Finals are tomorrow." "I want to wish you all good luck." "Mr. Feeny, will the chapter on the Continental Congress be included in the test?" " Miss Lawrence..." " Wait!" "Wait." "Miss Lawrence, you've done the work all semester." "I have no doubt that everything you need to know, you already know." "Continental Congress, yes or no?" "Yes, Miss Lawrence." "Uh, Mr. Feeny?" "Look, about what happened last night..." "Yes?" " I was at the library." " No one is accusing you." "I know you better than that." "Look, I think what those idiots did was way out of line." "Yes, Mr. Matthews." "I must agree." "I haven't always been popular with my students, but I've always had their respect." "Until last night." "You know, they're just frustrated over the exam schedule." "Frustrated?" "You know, Mr. Matthews, 40 years ago, when I was a new teacher, there was a very small faction of students who were frustrated." "But the majority of them wanted to learn." "Now, with each passing year I find that authority and respect have rotted away." "And that small faction is now the majority." "Wait, Mr. Feeny, wouldn't it be easier to just spread the exams out?" "You know, I mean, it makes us happier and it takes off the pressure." "Oh, yes, but don't you see?" "That little bit of pressure forces that tiny nugget of education past baseball statistics, girls' phone numbers, into a place where you can store it." "And recall it." "And maybe even someday use it, huh?" "Oh." "You know, Mr. Matthews, at the end of each school year," "I also take a final examination." "I bet you do really well." "I examine my effectiveness as a teacher." "And I wonder:" ""What have I taught?" "Who have I reached this year?"" "Well, this year, after seeing what was done to my house," "I realize that they have finally reached me." "What do you mean?" "I believe the term was "dinosaur," wasn't it?" "I'm an old dinosaur." "Which is a good thing." "I mean, people love dinosaurs." "I mean, you got your Barneys, right?" " Your Jurassic Parks?" " Mr. Matthews..." "And who could forget about Dino Flintstone, right?" "(barks)" "Mr. Matthews," "I'm retiring at the end of the year." "The official announcement will be very soon." "Hey, Feeny." " About your exam schedule." " Yes, Mr. Burgess?" "If you don't move it to later in the week, we ain't gonna show." "Well, that is your right." "And, of course, if you don't take the exam, it is my right to fail you." "Hm?" "That old dinosaur just doesn't know when to become extinct." "Man, I wish I could've seen his face when he saw his house." "I did." "So, Matthews, you kiss-up, what did you tell him?" " Get off me." " Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." "Easy, easy." "Look, Cory's cool, OK?" "He wouldn't have squealed." "Does that make me cool, Shawn?" "Is that what makes you so cool?" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Cory, Cory?" "Lighten up, OK?" "You're the one that said we should stand up to Feeny." "Yeah, but, Shawn, I didn't say vandalize his home." "Hey, I wasn't there, OK?" "I didn't do anything." " Yeah, but you knew about it." " Yeah, but what was I supposed to do?" "Stand up and say, "Stay away from Feeny's house"?" "Look." "You didn't stop them, Shawn, OK?" "And I think that makes you responsible." "Me?" "You're the one that started this whole thing." "Then I think that makes me responsible too." "Well, once again, thanks for your help." "Well, I couldn't reach all the eggs, but, you know, if you throw a bunch of cheese up there and wait for a hot day, you're gonna have one heck of an omelet." " You're a funny man, Alan." " Yeah." "Well, I'm gonna go wash up, and..." "Look, George, I know this bothers you, but just remember, it wasn't the whole school." "It was just a couple of kids." "Well, you're right." "But it really bothers me." "George." "What's going on here?" "Oh, well, we've had a wild toga party, Mr. Turner." "Sorry we didn't invite you." "I heard this rumor you're retiring." "What is that all about?" "Yes, well," "I have worked hard for many years, and this just feels like, right, now." "Oh, my God." "To finally have time to garden." "To read a good book, to travel, to do all the things that I love." "George, you love teaching." "Come on." "Don't give these goons the power to change your life." "You don't garden, do you, Jonathan?" "No." "But I can see where that toilet-paper plant would come in handy sometimes." "I'm surrounded by funny men." "I'm sorry, George." "Here in the garden, at the end of each season, you see the results of the seeds that you planted." "And even in a particularly bad season there is still growth." "So, Mr. Turner, sorry, but I must admit, these days I quite prefer the garden." "(sighs)" "Well, can you see it?" "Huh?" "Your little boy's in love." "Oh, really?" "What's this one's name?" "Brenda." "Brenda Marsh." "Oh, that's funny, 'cause I work with a Brenda Marsh." "Eric, no." "You can't date Brenda Marsh." "It's 'cause she's Canadian, right?" "No, 'cause she's older than you." "An older woman, huh?" "An older foreign woman." "Alan, Eric cannot go out with her." "I was setting her up with Jonathan." "Hey, now, she showed up and he didn't." "Finders keepers, losers weepers." "Wait, wait, wait." "Now, if your mother says you can't date Brenda Marsh, then you can't date Brenda Marsh." " How old is she?" " 27." "Oh, well, in that case, well, you can't date her a lot!" " Alan!" " What?" "She is too old for Eric." "Honey, hold on a sec, now." "How old are you now?" "24?" "25?" "40?" " 18." " No!" "Guys, guys, guys, guys." "I mean, come on." "She's OK with it, I'm OK with it..." "When two mature adults make a connection..." "Oh, come on!" "You never got me a pony." "Eric, Brenda is older than you, more sophisticated, more experienced." " Is this making sense?" " Absolutely." "Here's my wallet and my keys." "Wake me when you get in." "He'll be the one on the couch." "This place is, um..." "It's kinda... kinda funky." "Yeah, well, I tried to get reservations at that restaurant you like so much." "Oh, Château du Fond du Lac." "Yeah, OK." " Did I mention you look lovely tonight?" " Yeah, you did, Eric." "Thanks." "So, tell me, what do you do, uh what do you do when you're not in school?" "Do you, uh... do you travel?" "Are you kidding?" "Last summer I bummed my way through Pittsburgh." " Right." " I'm serious." "Oh." "Um, ever been to Europe?" "No, just Pittsburgh." "But there is a large Polish community there." "Right, right." "You know, I think that you and I are just missing here." "What?" "Missing?" "Oh, here tonight." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "You know, I just realized why the service here's so slow." "They don't have any waiters." "So I'm gonna go up there and I'll order us something to eat." " Good idea." " Great." "Matthews, you look sick." "What did you order, so I don't get the same thing?" "Mr. Turner, have you ever been to Europe?" "Yeah." "Oh, the food here's nothing like it though." "Come here." "Jonathan Turner, Brenda Marsh." "Oh, right." "Hey." "Yeah, from almost the other night." "Right." "All right." "I'm gonna go." "I've gotta study, you know." "Exams." "This guy's tests." "Hey, if you guys hit it off, is this gonna help me with my..." " No." " All right." "Just checking." "Eric, hi." "So, Christi, have you ever been to Europe?" "No, but during the summer my family's going to Pittsburgh." "Marry me?" "OK, so tell me about The Great Gatsby." "The best hockey player of all time." "Next!" " They're at school." " Who?" "Denny and all those other jerks." "They got a bunch of people with them, too." "They're up to something." "Something bad." "(shouting and banging)" " All right, I'm calling the cops." " No, no, no, no, no." "There's no time." "This is our school." "I'm not turning my back." "I sleep here every day." "Look, Shawn, I know, OK?" "But the police are trained in handling unruly crowds." "Come on." "All right." "I'm right behind you." "Denny!" "Hey, Hunter, man." "You're just in time." "Dude, here." "Take this can and go craz..." "I don't think so." "Are you gonna stop me?" "I didn't think so." "Who is this guy?" "Guys!" "Come on, why are you doing this?" "To show Feeny we're not gonna take his stinking tests." "Oh, yeah we are." "We're gonna go take his stinking tests right off his stinking desk." "Why don't you guys just try studying?" "Yeah, well, who needs that stuff Feeny teaches anyway?" "It's all about dead old guys like him." "He doesn't teach history, he is history." "He doesn't care about us." "Yeah, of course he cares about you." "I mean, he's trying to push this little nugget of education past your baseball statistics, and your criminal record, right here." "If you touch my head again I will break your finger." "You see?" "I learned something." "Well, that's more than you're ever gonna learn from Feeny." "That's not true." "Let me tell you something I learned from Feeny this year." "See, it's cool for you guys to come down to the schoolyard 'cause you've got freedom of assembly." "What are you talking abou..." "I'm talking about Amendment One of the Bill of Rights." " Shawn?" " I accidentally read the chapter." "Yeah?" "What did you learn?" "Well, I learned that they've got the right to peaceably assemble." "But the second you guys broke that lock, you broke the law, and I got the right to call the cops." "Why are you defending him?" "What has he ever done for you?" " You see those bolt cutters in your hands?" " Yeah, what about them?" " Well, you see I don't have any in mine?" " Yeah." "So?" "That's what he's done for me." "Breaking down the door to take your finals, Mr. Burgess?" "So, Mr. Hunter, you do listen in class sometimes, hm?" "Yeah, well, you know." "Some days you're talking so much I can't really sleep." "Mr. Feeny, what are you doing here so late?" "I'm preparing your final exams." "You're not the only ones who work hard on these tests." "I hear Feeny's making them real hard so he can cram some more of that knowledge stuff into our heads." "Oh, if you think these are tough, Mr. Hunter, wait till you see what I have in mind for you next year." "Next year?" "Yes, Mr. Matthews." "Perhaps this old dinosaur still has a few hundred million years left in him." "We gotta be out of high school by then." "Oh, Shawn." "I can't look." "C, C, C, C, D." "Oh, boy." "Topanga, you did pretty lousy." " Those are your grades, Shawn." " Oh!" "Yes!" "OK." "B, B," "B minus, C plus, B." "Boy, Cory, you did better than you thought." "You know, this is encouraging." "People, studying really is the way to go." " Are you guys with me?" " (all) Yeah!" " Then follow me!" " (all cheer)" "(click)" "(click)" "(click)"