"Good!" "You guys are all here." "What's up?" "I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow." "Congratulations!" "Oh, boy." "That guy's underwear sucks!" "What?" "Well, I got this pair marked "XS. "" "Let me tell you, there was no room for excess anything in there." "I'll be the coordinator of the women's collection." "I'll work right under the director." "It's the perfect job for me!" "If you nail the interview, you'll get it." "You want to work on your interview skills?" "Let's start with the handshake." "Very good handshake." "Good wrist action." "Let me try." "Oh, my God!" "What did I ever do to you?" "Did I squeeze too hard?" "Let's just say I'm glad I'm not Chandler." "The One with Rachel's lnadvertent Kiss" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "That's right, Ross." "I can see you in your new apartment." "Same as yesterday, same as the day before." "Is he doing his "shark attack" bit?" "No." "Oh, wait!" "There he goes." "Very funny, Ross." "Very lifelike and funny." "No, no." "I wasn't waving at you, lady." "Whoa, maybe I was." "This hot girl in Ross' building is flirting with me." "Get in there, man." "Flirt back." "Mix it up!" "Yeah, I'm down with that." "Okay, here goes." "How..." "... you..." "... doing?" "It worked!" "She's waving me over." "I'll be right over." "Let's see, she's on the third floor... ." "She is pretty, huh?" "Tell me about it." "No, no!" "I'm not with her." "That's just Monica." "Hey, Joey!" "Great stuff, huh?" "This your place?" "Yeah, of course it is." "Come on in." "Go by the window." "You can pretend to be surfing." "I counted." "You're not supposed to live here!" "Oh, man!" "What happened?" "I ended up at Ross' place." "I must have miscounted or something." "Damn!" "She's not there anymore." "Look, Ross is doing his "watching TV" bit." "No, Joe, I think he's just watching TV." "We've lost visual contact with the suspect." "Okay, now I really have to go." "It's so unfair that our date has to get cut short..." "... justbecausesomeguy  shot at a store clerk." "I know, but it's my job." "Then maybe I could come too?" "Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer." "All right, you go." "Oh, God!" "Oh, I just miss him so much!" "For just a week, you guys are close." "Yeah, it's weird." "I can't help it." "He's so sweet." "He's like this little puppy dog, you know?" "But like a really tough one who shoots bad guys." "I love the beginning parts of relationships." "You can't keep your hands off each other." "I know." "It is the best." "How long did that last for you and Chandler?" "What?" "It's still going on." "Come on, seriously." "When did it end?" "I am serious." "We're all over each other all the time." "Okay, you know where you are better than I do." "Why don't you just calm down?" "Get all your facts before you tell everybody you're the only hot couple." "God, I woke the beast." "I was wrong obviously." "I just misspoke." "It's okay." "It is okay." "As long as you know Chandler and I are also hot and fiery." "Just as hot as you." "I mean, our flame... ." "It is on fire!" "Here's your broom back." "You are so cute!" "How'd the interview go?" "Horrible!" "I did the stupidest, most embarrassing thing." "Did you say you wanted to have sex with his wife then fall off your chair?" "So what happened?" "It was horrible!" "And the interview part went so well." "I even made him laugh." "He said something about a boat..." "... andI waslike,"Well,yeah , if you've got enough life jackets. "" "Trust me." "It was actually very funny." "Anyway, we were saying goodbye and... ." "What happened?" "We were shaking hands..." "...and he leaned in toward me." "Maybe he was opening the door but I totally misread him and I...." "You kissed him?" "I didn't know what else to do!" "You could have tried..." "... notkissinghim." "Thanks, Chandler." "A guy from Ralph Lauren called." "You got a second interview." "I can't believe it!" "I got a second interview." "That kiss isn't looking like such a mistake now, is it?" "You don't think that's why he wants me back?" "Yeah!" "No?" "What are you talking about?" "I accidentally kissed him in the interview..." "... andnowhe wantsmeback ..." "... because," Let'sbringback the girl who kisses everybody! "" "Come on, Rach." "What if he thinks I'll just sleep with him?" "He wants you back because you're right for the job." "Maybe." "I don't know." "Oh, God!" "How could I be so stupid?" "Rachel, don't say that." "I think you just need a hug from Joey." "Come on." "Come on." "She's back!" "Hot girl's back!" "Well, I'm not totally back yet." "But I appreciate it." "No." "In Ross' building." "She's back!" "Wait there." "I'll be over in a second." "One, two, three... ." "Got it!" "I gotta check out this hot girl." "There she is!" "Damn it!" "Did you move?" "Yes." "I lived with you for a while." "Then I found this place." "I'm Ross." "Do you happen to have a hot girl in there?" "No, I'm all alone." "Yeah." "Sorry about that." "Hey, little girl." "Is your mommy or sister or babysitter by any chance, a hot girl?" "Daddy!" "Later, girl!" "Oh, man!" "Hot girl?" "Hot girl!" "Hi, Rachel." "Come on in." "It's nice to see you again." "Thank you." "What?" "Excuse me?" "Yeah, let me" "Okay, I see what's going on here." "Now, look..." "... I'msorryif Igaveyou the wrong impression." "But I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead." "Even though I kissed you, that does not give you..." "... therightto demandsex fromme!" "I do not want this job that bad." "Good day, sir." "You are not gonna believe..." "... whatthatsleazeball from Ralph Lauren did to me!" "Okay, that's amazing!" "How did you know that?" "You got ink on your lip." "What do you say, maybe, sometime I hold your gun?" "We're not supposed to do that." "What could happen?" "I mean" "Yeah." "I'm gonna say no." "Do you want to see a movie tonight?" "We can't." "We already have plans." "What are you doing?" "Well, same thing we did all day." "Just hang out at Gary's apartment." "He is so amazing." "We never left the bedroom." "But have fun at the movie." "Well, we're not seeing a movie." "Then why did you ask us if we wanted to go?" "Because I just wanted to know what you were doing..." "... soyouwouldn'twalkin on me and Chandler..." "... whileweweredoingitallnight." "Will you excuse me?" "Chandler?" "Can I see you for a second?" "We have got to beat them!" "Why?" "Because Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than us." "So?" "So we've gotta go have a lot of sex and prove them wrong!" "You've got to stop this competitive thing." "It's crazy." "Just to impress them, you want us to have sex over and over..." "... andI 'msayingno to this,why ?" "Get your coat!" "Excuse me." "You should check this out." "Tell the other tenants." "Apparently, he's looking for some kind of hot girl." "Who isn't?" "I don't think we've met." "I'm Ross." "I know." "You're the guy who wouldn't chip in for the handyman." "Never mind." "I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted." "I mean, you had just moved in." "I had just moved in!" "Thank you!" "Listen... ." "Jen." "I know this may sound a little" "But would you want to grab a cup of coffee sometime?" "Sure, that would be nice." "My number's on there." "Give me a call." "I will give you a call." "I'll see you later." "Okay." "I forgot my paper." "That was amazing." "Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner." "That was amazing." "We are the hottest, huh?" "No one is hotter than we are." "We're the best." "No, you're the best." "No, you're the best." "No, you're the best." "I am the best." "Hey, guys." "What you been doing?" "Isn't that the girl who waved at you?" "I don't know, but I can see through your sheet." "Yeah, that's her." "You know, it doesn't matter." "I'll never meet her." "It's impossible to find her apartment!" "She lives in some hot-girl parallel universe or something." "What are you talking about?" "She lives on the 2nd floor, 7th apartment from the left." "No, she lives on the 3rd floor, 8th apartment from the left." "No." "Those first two windows, that's the lobby." "That other window is the stairway." "You've been counting wrong." "I did not know that!" "Thank you, Monica." "I almost lost another girl because of counting!" "So, you ready?" "Yeah, I'll just get my coat." "Could you get that?" "Sure." "No!" "No!" "First, I would like to say thank you for seeing me again." "That's all right." "But I feel obligated to tell you that this meeting is being videotaped." "Well, first, I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you..." "... andforyellingatyou." "Fair enough." "Now, you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not..." "... yellatyouand stormout." "And I think that's a big mistake." "And here's why." "I made a huge fool of myself, and I came back." "That shows courage." "When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no." "That shows integrity." "And I was not afraid to stand up for myself..." "... andthatshowscourage." "Now, I know that I've already said courage..." "... butyou'vegottohave courage." "And finally, when I thought you were making sexual advances..." "... Isaidno , and I was not litigious." "So there you go!" "You got courage..." "... yougotintegrity, you got courage again..." "... andnotlitigious." "Look, Mr... ." "Zelner." "I knew that!" "Oh, I knew that." "I really, really want this job." "And I think I would be really good at it." "You know what?" "I may regret this..." "... butI 'llgiveyouashot ." "You are?" "Really?" "Thank you." "Oh, God!" "Would it be inappropriate if I gave you a hug?" "Well, how about a handshake?" "Oh, God!" "I'm sorry!" "I did not mean to touch that!" "I mean, you!" "There!" "I'm gonna leave." "Thank you very much." "Hey, I'll see you Monday." "Are you tired?" "You better believe he's tired after the day we had!" "If you know what I mean." "Do you know what I mean?" "Honey?" "The tortilla chips know what you mean." "Do you like that badge I got you?" "Oh, yeah, it's so cool." "Now, I gotta go." "Officer Bing's got a 1 0-1 00." "That's pee-pee." "Phoebe, you have a twig in your hair." "We kind of took a detour on our way over here." "We were strolling through the park and no one was around, so... ." "You didn't." "We did!" "We violated section 1 2, paragraph 7 of the criminal code." "The park, huh?" "Public place." "I hear you." "Can you excuse me for a second?" "Hi, Chandler." "Monica, this is the men's room." "Isn't it?" "Yes, it is." "But see, I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual." "Haven't you?" "No." "And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out." "This is getting ridiculous." "Come on, we can't let them win!" "We've proved that we are hot, okay?" "So why are you obsessed about this?" "Phoebe and Gary are in that..." "... " can'tkeeptheirhands off each other" phase!" "So?" "It makes me really sad that we're not really there anymore." "Oh, is that what this has all been about?" "Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were..." "... allovereachotherallthetime?" "Yeah, that was great." "That was really great." "But the truth is, I'm more excited about where we are now." "Really?" "Yeah." "I've never been in a relationship this long before." "To get past the beginning and still want to be around each other?" "I think that's incredible." "And the fact that this is happening with you..." "... Ithinkthat'sprettyexciting." "That's so sweet." "I know that I was acting a little crazy..." "... butI feelthesameway." "You know what I just realized?" "You just freaked out about our relationship." "I did not." "Yes, you did!" "Admit it." "You freaked out!" "I freaked out a little." "A little?" "You freaked out bigtime, okay?" "And I fixed it!" "We have switched places." "I am the relationship king, and you are the crazy, irrational screwup!" "And now we're back." "I cannot believe Ross is buying this." "Thank God!" "I can't watch him anymore." "You guys ready?" "By the way, thank you for loaning us Pamela and Yasmine." "Man, they cannot get enough!" "Pick a card." "All right." "Now, memorize it." "You got it?" "Oh, yes." "Is that your card?" "Hey, guys." "Hi there!" "Guess what?" "Ben is gonna be in a TV commercial." "What are you talking about?" "It's not for sure." "We met this guy in the park who thought Ben was cute." "You know, which he is." "He gave us his card..." "... andtoldus to bringhim  for this commercial he's auditioning." "The biggest commercial casting director in town!" "Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition?" "I mean, way to go, Ben!" "I've been there a million times and no one's offered me an audition." "It's crazy." "We were pushing Ben on the swings" "I'm always on the swings!" "What am I doing wrong?" "That." "The One Where Rachel Smokes" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "Gotta go." "Wish me luck." "Good luck." "Since you work at Ralph Lauren, can you get me some shirts?" "I don't know if I'd feel comfortable stealing on my very first day." "Unwilling to steal from work." "Interesting." "If anybody gets free stuff, it's me." "Okay, guys, way to wish me luck." "Go get 'em!" "Let's discuss Rachel's birthday." "I say we throw a surprise party this weekend." "But her birthday's not for another month." "If we throw a party on her birthday, it's not a surprise." "Great!" "We can have a dinner party and invite her close friends." "Ross!" "We're having a surprise party for Rachel." "Done." "Great." "Wanna do it together?" "I'd love to do it together!" "They're gonna do it together." "That's my girlfriend." "So I gotta shut it down now?" "I gotta go." "I'm picking up Ben..." "... andthenwe 'reoff to the big audition." "It'll be weird seeing some actor pretending to be Ben's dad." "Weirder than his two moms making out?" "Dad?" "There's a dad in the commercial?" "Yeah." "The dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it." "Maybe I'll go with you and audition as the dad." "Who better to play Ben's dad than his godfather?" "You're not his godfather." "What?" "Are you kidding?" "Of course I am." "Okay, let's go, godfather." "All right!" "They'll let me audition!" "Really?" "That's great!" "One of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play." "So I steered clear of her." "That kid looks familiar." "Oh, yeah." "He's done tons of commercials:" "Sugar Smacks, PlayStation..." "... andforthephonecompany." "He was so good, he convinced me to switch phone companies." "Chandler was mad." "He's not gonna get this one." "Ben is way cuter than that kid." "I mean, look at him." "That's great." "Wouldn't it be great if I got to play Ben's dad?" "You look nothing like Ben." "I look more like him than you do." "I really don't know you well enough for you to do that." "So it's down to these two." "Nancy, I know you like this one." "I think I agree." "Rachel, what do you think?" "Well, that one is pretty..." "... butI justlovethisfabric." "Sorry." "Don't be." "Part of your job is to give your opinions." "Then I take credit for them." "I'm kidding!" "She is kidding." "But don't ever disagree with her again." "Okay, now I'm kidding!" "What a fun office." "I don't know which one." "But I do know I need a cigarette." "Let's take a break, go outside and sort this out when we return." "You smoke?" "No." "My dad's a doctor." "And he would always tell me horror stories... ." "About ghosts and goblins..." "... whototallysupported the princess's right to smoke." "Then they came back from smoking and they'd made all of the decisions." "That's not fair." "I know." "It's like I'm being punished for not having this disgusting habit." "Yeah, it is the best." "What if this keeps happening?" "They'll be smoking, making the decisions..." "... andI 'llbeup in my office breathing in my stupid clean air." "And when Kim wants to promote one of us..." "... whodoyouthinkshe'llpick?" "Me or Smokey Smokerson?" "You can go down there and not smoke." "Say you want some fresh air." "I could do that." "Or you could do the easy thing and smoke." "Do you wanna go get coffee?" "I would love to." "Oh, good." "I'm gonna go too." "Oh, good." "Oh, I changed my mind." "Let's talk about the party." "I have so many ideas." "Me too!" "Oh, look at that." "This is a little sketch of the cake." "See?" "Some sample menus." "I thought we'd start with a Tuscan-style finger food." "And for music, here's an alphabetized list of all of my CDs." "I've highlighted the ones that'll go with the food." "What about the dinner party?" "We're not doing that." "Looks like you took care of everything." "Thanks a lot, cohost." "Wait a minute." "There's plenty of things for you to do." "Like what?" "Cups." "You're giving me cups?" "And ice." "Cups and ice?" "I get to be in charge of cups and ice?" "All right." "Fine." "I will be in charge of cups and ice." "I can get ice at the restaurant" "I got it!" "How did the audition go?" "Not so good." "Wait a minute." "Are you doing Joey's..." "... " Theauditiondidn'tgosowell." "Yeah, it did! "" "Yeah, I am!" "Yeah, Ben got a second audition." "Oh, great!" "I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback." "You got a callback too, didn't you?" "Yeah, I did!" "What are you doing out here?" "It got kind of lonely up there, so I thought I would come out here..." "... andgetsomefreshair." "We're discussing the fall collection." "Oh, great." "Anyway, we really" "Sorry." "We're smoking all over you." "That's okay." "We'll move." "You stay there." "I sent the designs to Ralph." "He was excited about it." "That's great!" "You are the best!" "Excuse me." "Can I bum one of those?" "Actually, this one's... ." "What's so funny over here?" "I thought you didn't smoke." "You know, I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes." "You know what I mean?" "Doobies?" "Actually, I thought to myself, "Those guys are crazy! "" "But no, I smoke the regular ones all the time." "We get high." "Me too." "I'm kidding." "Me too." "Oh, God!" "This is so nerve-racking." "How do you do this?" "Fortunately, I don't get many callbacks so... ." "Is it a good sign that they asked us to wait?" "Who knows?" "We have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle..." "... andJoey." "The rest of you, thank you." "Yes!" "I knew it!" "Bye-bye." "So long." "Later." "This is great!" "I might get to play Ben's dad." "That can't happen." "Because you have such different looks..." "... we'reputtingyouwithRaymond and Kyle with Ben." "So it'll either be you two or you two." "This is gonna be kind of weird." "Yeah, it is." "Yeah." "It's gonna be weird." "No." "We're like best friends." "That's why it's weird." "I thought we were just talking." "Is it okay if I leave this here till Rachel's birthday party?" "Sure." "What's in them?" "Cups." "Good, because we got Rachel 800 gallons of water." "That's a lot of cups." "I'm in charge of cups and ice." "And Monica's gonna rue the day she put me in charge of cups and ice." "You know, I rued the day once." "Didn't get a whole lot else done." "Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups." "Ross, I'm glad you're here." "I want to talk to you." "What's up?" "I've been thinking about this commercial thing." "Me against Ben." "The two of us competing." "That can't lead to anything good." "I think I'm just gonna step aside." "I'll tell them that I won't audition." "Joey, that's great." "Thanks, man." "That's it?" "You're gonna let me do this?" "It's my career we're talking about!" "But you just" "I said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it." "If anyone should step aside, it should be Ben." "What?" "Chandler, tell him!" "Well, let me get the door first." "Hi, no one!" "Why should Ben step aside?" "It was his audition in the first place." "You tagged along." "You're like the tag-along dad!" "I care about his feelings." "What?" "You know how hard it'll be on him when he doesn't get it?" "And why wouldn't he get it?" "Come on!" "Have you seen what my kid can do?" "He dials phones, he eats tortilla chips." "He plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!" "Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid?" "You just give him a spoon, baby." "Oh, yeah?" "I guess we'll see!" "This commercial belongs to me and Mitch!" "Your kid's name is Raymond!" "Yeah?" "So is yours!" "How did work go?" "It was great." "I went down there like you said." "And we talked business." "And Kim took my opinions." "You stink!" "Thanks." "No, I'm serious." "Because I went down and they were smoking." "This is actually the smell of success." "But there's something different." "Oh, my God!" "You smoked!" "I did not." "Yes, you did." "You look happy and sick." "You smoked!" "All right, fine!" "But I had to." "I had to do it for my career." "I wish I had to smoke for my career." "That's so gross!" "It's not that bad, you know?" "Yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and my fingers sort of smell." "I actually feel like I could throw up." "But you gotta push past this, okay?" "Because it's about to get so good." "You smell so smoky, I gotta get up." "I'm not kidding." "I think you smell great." "So we're decided." "No on plaid, yes on pink." "Absolutely." "I'm so onboard." "Didn't you just light that?" "Yeah." "But you know what?" "I'm just really, really trying to cut back, you know." "Good luck, Rach." "I've been thinking about quitting." "Every Sunday night, I say I'm quitting." "Every Monday morning, it's like... ." "Tell me about it." "We'll just quit." "Let's all quit!" "It sounds appealing." "I never could do it." "But you could." "Absolutely." "We can help each other." "We could get those patches." "We could be like the Patch Sisters." "You know, we really should quit." "Okay, let's quit!" "Great!" "Give me those cigs." "Come on!" "Give it!" "Out." "Done." "Quit." "My late husband gave me that lighter." "I'm not kidding." "Okay, then." "Mmm... soup." "Mmm... soup." "Would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?" "No problem." "Thanks." "So you want to be an actor?" "I gotta tell you, it's no picnic." "There's tons of rejection." "No stability." "I mean, one day, you're Dr. Drake Ramoray." "The next day, you're eating ketchup out of the bottle." "I mean, Ben." "Ben." "Raymond, Joey, you're up." "All right, let's try one." "Whenever you guys are ready." "Is there a problem?" "Well, this is noodle soup." "And I've been working with tomato." "But that's okay." "No problem." "Mmm... noodlesoup." "You know, that's fine." "But the line is, "Mmm... soup."" "What'd I say?" "Mmm... noodlesoup." "How's that different?" "All right." "Let's try one." "Mmm..." "... noodlesoup." "Let's do it again." "Mmm... soup." "I mean, noodle soup." "I mean, soup!" "Come on!" "You know what?" "We need to move on." "No, I could do it one more time." "Look." "Mmm... noodlesoup." "Damn it!" "Busted!" "Come on!" "What are you doing?" "I thought we were the Patch Sisters." "That didn't work out." "We tried to quit." "But it was too hard." "If you started smoking again, you could have at least told me." "Give me one." "What are we talking about?" "Don't you give up." "That's why we didn't tell you, and we won't drag you down." "Wait." "No, no." "Drag me down." "We're so proud of how well you're doing." "I won't let you blow it." "If I catch you, you're fired." "Go on, get out of here." "I don't want you breathing this stuff." "So, okay." "You'll come with me on the Paris trip?" "Oh, man!" "Check it out." "Cup hat, cup banner..." "... cupchandelierandthe thing that started it all." "The cup!" "Great job with the cups." "Why don't you just go out with her?" "Did you notice the ice?" "Look!" "We have it all." "We have crushed, cubed and dry." "Watch." "Mystical." "No one's eating my food." "They're eating her snow cones!" "There are snow cones?" "Go, go!" "Thank you." "Look, look!" "Surprise!" "What?" "My birthday is not for another month." "That's the surprise." "Oh, my God, you guys!" "This is so great!" "It's so unexpected." "I mean, Chandler's birthday's even before mine." "Surprise!" "This is so great!" "Look at all these..." "... cups." "This is so weird." "I was in charge of cups." "Oh, okay." "Not so weird." "Listen, man." "I'm sorry the audition didn't go well." "Yeah, right." "No, really." "I am, Joey." "I feel bad." "Look, Ross." "You don't have to, okay?" "It's not your fault I suck." "What kind of an actor can't even say, "Mmm... noodlesoup"?" "You know what?" "Maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck." "Maybe you messed up because you care more about your godson." "What do you mean?" "I think, subconsciously" "You lost me." "I think, on some level, you sabotaged..." "... yourownaudition so Ben would get the part." "Your way sounds a lot better than mine." "It's not that I'm a bad actor." "No, it's just that I care so damn much about little Ben..." "... thatitwasmoreimportant for me to see him succeed." "There you go." "Thank you." "Thank you." "So did he get it?" "No." "What are you gonna do?" "Is Rachel Greene here?" "I'm meeting her for lunch." "She doesn't come down anymore." "You'll find her on 1 0." "Okay, great." "So we talked about the presentation." "He wondered if one person would be enough." "And I said, "Yeah, absolutely. "" "I'll catch you guys later." "Wow!" "You look nice." "What's the occasion?" "Monica and I are celebrating our 1 0-month anniversary." "Got reservations at Jean-George." "How'd you get in?" "Made a few calls, pulled some strings..." "... andthey'llseatusifwe both have chicken and don't get dessert." "Hi, Chandler." "Hey, Caitlin." "Somebody got a haircut." "I hate it." "I look like an eight-year-old boy." "If that was true, gym class would've been more interesting." "It's $27 even." "Okay." "Here you go." "Where's the chicken?" "It's in the back." "The duck pissed him off." "He said that eggs came first." "Thanks." "I'll see you later." "Bye." "What the hell was that?" "What?" "The flirting." "Aren't you supposed to be going out with, let's see, my sister?" "I wasn't flirting." "It was totally flirting!" ""Somebody got a haircut... . "" "First of all, the impression?" "Uncanny." "Second, that wasn't flirting." "That was just casual conversation." "Yeah, right." "You wanna see flirting?" "I'll show you." "I'm good." "The One Where Ross Can't Flirt" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "I am so proud of Joey." "He's gonna be on Law and Order !" "I know." "Don't you think it should be called Order and Law ?" "No, because they arrest the guy and then try him." "Don't get me started on that." "I was not flirting." "And on your anniversary." "For shame!" "What's going on?" "He was hitting on the hot delivery girl." "I was not." "And oh, God!" "You were." "If anyone should be hitting on her..." "... it'stheguywho 'ssingle..." "... theguywhocan do something about it." "Sounds like someone wants to be Mr. Pizza Delivery Girl." "Is that what this is about?" "You like Caitlin?" "Ross, we broke up two years ago." "You've been married since then." "I think it's okay that we see other people." "I was watching her at the pizza place." "And she was just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little" "We don't need her measurements." "Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni." "She's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?" "She forgot my vegetarian." "This is perfect." "She'll have to come back here with your pizza." "And when she does, I will turn on the charm "au" Ross." "I am so glad you don't eat meat." "See?" "Vegetarianism benefits everyone." "Hey, everybody, look who's here!" "You remember my grandmother." "Big night!" "Yeah, it's so cool." "Joey on Law and Order." "You must be proud." "She doesn't understand a word of English." "I thought you were Joey's other grandmother." "I've done it again." "Nonnie's my biggest fan." "She's the only one in the family who's always believed in me." "Si." "Big star." "My big fat Joey star." "Yeah, I weighed, like, 27 pounds when I was born." "Happy anniversary!" "Happy anniversary, 1 0 months." "In the shower I was thinking about our first night in London." "Joey's grandmother's right there." "The one who speaks English?" "The one who doesn't." "That was some hot love you gave me." "I'll get ready." "Wear those earrings I got you." "That's a great idea." "I was saving them for something special." "You've got to go home." "But I like it here." "Get the earrings you borrowed." "He wants me to wear them." "I think they're in my purse." "Go get dressed and I'll look for them." "I need those earrings you borrowed." "Yeah, I'll be right back." "Pheebs, you speak Italian?" "I guess so." "Here you go." "Thanks." "Where's the other one?" "Oh, what, you want both of them?" "Rachel Karen Greene, where's the other one?" "Look, just don't freak out, but I kind of lost it." "I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it." "What'll I tell Monica?" "She wants to wear them tonight." "Tell her to wear her own earrings." "These are her earrings." "You lent me her earrings?" "I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff!" "Why not?" "Because I lose her stuff!" "You see that blind guy?" "I'm gonna bash his head in later." "My big scene's coming up." "The big scene coming up." "If you said, "Big lima bean bubbling up," would she know the difference?" "What are you doing?" "Oh, I just can't watch." "It's too scary." "It's a diaper commercial." "Yeah, well, you know me." "Babies, responsibilities... ." "Pizza delivery." "I'll get it!" "I will get that!" "One vegetarian pizza." "It's 1 2.50." "By the way, if it makes you feel any better..." "... Ihappento like eight-year-old boys." "What?" "Your hair." "Before." "Your hair." "You said you thought your hair looked like an eight-year-old boy's..." "... andI 'mjustsayingIlike it." "The hair." "Thanks." "You understand, I don't actually like eight-year-old boys." "All I'm looking for is the money." "Here you go." "Stop bringing us pizzas, you." "I'm gonna try." "You're welcome." "You couldn't let me have her, could you?" "This is a girl I really like, and you had to swoop in there!" "What?" "Chandler was flirting with the hot delivery girl." "Thank you for that." "I was not flirting." "It's okay." "I don't care." "That's fine." "Really?" "It's no big deal." "I do it all the time." "You flirt with guys all the time?" "It doesn't mean anything." "Just like it doesn't mean anything with you." "There's a difference." "You're a lot hotter." "True story." "This actually bothers you?" "Yes, and I think it'd bother a lot of people." "When you and Ross dated..." "... diditbotheryou  when he flirted with other women?" "No, it bothered me when he slept with other women." "And thank you for that." "I never had to worry." "He was never good at the flirting thing." "What are you talking about?" "It worked with you." "No, you're right." "We met, you flirted and then bam!" "Nine years later, you had me." "All right." "You know what I'll do?" "I'll order another pizza." "And when Caitlin gets here..." "... Iwillshowyou how wellIflirt ." "I will get her phone number." "And not the one on the menu." "I found it." "Thank God!" "Where was it?" "On your dresser." "Okay, that is the one we already have." "Here's my big scene." "My big scene's here." "Wanna bet nobody heard anything?" "No bet." "Anybody home?" "Oh, my God." "What?" "Everybody keep smiling." "It'll kill my grandmother if she finds out." "What is it?" "They cut me out of the show." "What?" "Are you sure?" "Maybe your scene's coming up." "Not likely." "Because you see that body bag right there?" "I'm in it." "This is terrible." "What'll you do?" "I don't know." "This little old lady lives for my career." "When they dumped me off Days of Our Lives, she almost died." "That's not good." "You're not smiling." "Not that face!" "Everybody smile!" "Just tell her what happened." "It's not your fault." "If we keep talking this way, won't we freak her out soon?" "Soon." "I'm gonna be on soon." "There I am!" "Sam Waterston!" "No, no." "That's me." "That's me!" "No." "Sam Waterston." "Crime Misdemeanor, Capricorn One." "She doesn't know "hello," but she knows Capricorn One." "I need those earrings." "We're leaving when the show's over." "But I already gave them back to you." "No, you didn't." "I already didn't gave them back to you." "That's what I said." "Where's that other earring?" "It's not here, Pheebs." "It's not here." "I went to Chandler's last night." "Make sure you check Chandler's jewelry box." "Chandler has a jewelry box?" "We have 1 0 minutes." "Do you want me to get into that now?" "Hey, Pheebs." "How's that..." "... vegetarianpizza working out for you?" "You and those vegetables have a real..." "... thinggoingon ,huh?" "Why are you being weird?" "Do you like it?" "No." "That'd be, "Why are you being cute?"" "Okay." "I'm working on my flirting." "I did not get that." "So, Monica, do you like Law and Order ?" "Yeah, it's good." "I found out all this stuff about you." "You like Law and Order  andyou'veflirtedwitheveryguy in the tri-state area." "Okay, let me get this straight." "It's okay for you to flirt, but not for me?" "I'm glad we cleared that up." "I'm sorry, but some things are different for men and women." "Teach me about men and women." "I've already taught you so much already, but whatever." "When you flirt with a guy, you think, "No big deal. "" "But he thinks, "Finally!" "Somebody who wants to sleep with me. "" "No way!" "It's true." "Well, that's pathetic." "Again, true." "This goes for all guys?" "All guys that are awake." "We go to sleep." "All guys from the other end of the world wake up and act the same way." "It's another commercial and I still haven't told her." "Joey, this is the last commercial." "You got 1 0 minutes left." "I know!" "What am I gonna do?" "You will not run out and leave her here." "Yeah, all right." "Joey's gonna be right back." "Right back?" "Meanwhile, let's talk about you." "So, you're old and small." "Did you find it?" "The earring, no." "But I found my sunglasses." "I've been looking for these since last summer." "Those are mine." "You borrowed them from me." "Okay." "Calm down." "Here they are." "What do we do?" "I don't know." "I don't know!" "We'll just have to tell Monica, that's all." "Oh, God!" "She's gonna kill me." "I could tell her it was all my fault." "Oh, that'd be great." "Mon, could I talk to you?" "Yeah." "What is it?" "I lost one of your earrings." "I'm sorry." "I am so, so sorry." "All right, what can you do?" "If you lost it, you lost it." "I'll replace it." "I promise." "I feel so terrible." "That's fine." "You didn't do it on purpose." "Look at you." "Come here." "You feel better?" "Yeah." "You're the best." "Okay, wait a minute." "I can't do this." "Listen, honey, it's not Phoebe's fault." "She lent me the earrings." "I lost it." "I'm so sorry, honey." "I feel terrible too." "That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!" "First, my jewelry." "If it's not that, it's my sweater." "And if it's not that, it's my sunglasses." "Your sunglasses?" "Oh, right." "Pizza." "Mine, mine, mine!" "Okay, here goes." "Prepare yourselves for some class-A flirting." "Okay, hold on." "If you really like this girl, I don't think flirting is the right way" "You'll see." "What's her name?" "Caitlin!" "We can't keep eating like this." "It's $1 2.50." "Do you make the pizzas in one of those wood-burning ovens?" "No, actually, I think they're gas." "Gas?" "Intense." "If this is how all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem." "You know that smell gas has?" "They put that in." "What?" "The gas is odorless." "But they add the smell so you know when there's a leak." "Well, okay." "A lot of other gas smells." "Oh, the humanity!" "Methane smells... ." "You know what?" "Actually, I really should go." "But I haven't paid you yet." "That's okay." "You guys have ordered so many that this one's on me." "Was I talking to her about gas?" "More so than anything else." "I found it interesting." "I'm sorry." "Don't worry about it." "In nine years, she and I will be right there!" "I'm gonna clear out some of these boxes." "What else do they add smell to?" "Caitlin!" "Caitlin!" "Hi, I'm Rachel." "The people with all the pizza." "Was there a problem?" "No, they're fine." "Great pizza." "But, actually, my friend Ross gets nervous when he's flirting." "Oh, my God!" "That was flirting?" "I know, I know." "I'm telling you, once you get past that part..." "... whereitfeels like you wanna die..." "... he'sa reallygoodperson." "The guy with the gas?" "I'm telling you, he's really sweet and really funny..." "... andhe'sjustgot agood heart." "Besides, I think he really likes you." "Really?" "Well, we have seven people and 1 0 pizzas." "What do you think?" "I thought Joey was there." "Hey, Ross?" "I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway." "You must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought." "What?" "I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her number." "And she just gave you this?" "Rach, thanks." "But I don't need you doing me any favors." "I didn't." "She thought you were cute." "Well, that I can believe." "Hey, is the show still on?" "Almost over, man." "Hey, Nonnie." "Is that the Pope?" "Why am I looking?" "Oh, here I am!" "This is my big scene." "All right, back off!" "I got a gun!" "I'm not afraid to use it." "That's right, Nonnie." "You couldn't have at least changed your shirt?" "Now, I want a suitcase filled with $ 100,000" "Filled with $ 100,000 in small bills." "And if I don 't get-- Shoo!" "And if I don 't get it I'll shoot this duck!" "Oh, no!" "I'm coming out!" "And she's supposed to buy this?" "Ground control to Major Tom" "Commencing countdown" "Engines on" "That's scenes from next week's show." "Next week." "I am definitely gonna watch that." "Do these look the same?" "Definitely." "Not as each other." "Then, no." "Hey, you ready?" "Yeah." "You look amazing." "I'm the luckiest man in the world." "You're about to get a little luckier." "Let me see the earrings." "Right, the earrings." "They look great." "Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?" "My boyfriend really does have great taste." "Thanks for picking out the earrings." "Okay, guys, listen." "Tomorrow, Emily gets married again." "So try to really keep Ross' mind off of it." "Good idea." "Hey, man." "What's up?" "Just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow." "Oh, Ross!" "Look, look!" "What?" "Where?" "Right over there!" "There!" "Look, look, look!" "What am I looking at?" "Somebody help me out here." "Hey!" "Monica, sorry I didn't come by." "I was out with Gary." "He let me ride around with him." "We saw and prevented crimes." "You got to go on a ride-along?" "I want to go on a ride-along!" "Me too!" "Okay." "Yeah!" "Me too!" "Really?" "You?" "Yeah." "Well, it's kind of dangerous." "Well, I like danger." "Okay, you guys free tonight?" "Yeah!" "You didn't say it was gonna be at nighttime." "The One with the Ride-Along" "English Subtitles by GELULA  CO., INC." "I'm glad you're home." "We can finally organize these photos." "Oh, thank God!" "Finally!" "I've broken them down into categories." "We got holidays, birthdays, candids... ." "And I've cross-referenced them by subject." "So if you're looking up, say..." "... birthdaysanddogs, you get photo 1 52." "See?" "Oh, it's me and LePoo." "Wow, I miss that dog." "You can also find him under "dog" and "dead. "" "Great." "Thanks." "Hand me that other box of photos." "That's the last one." "Oops." "Sorry." "Good thing you numbered them." "I hadn't." "Photo 1 52 was a prototype." "Honey, it's okay." "It's okay." "How about I fix you a drink?" "Maybe a margarita?" "Ross has the blender." "Everything's just falling apart." "It's okay." "I'll go to Ross', get the blender." "You get the margarita stuff ready." "All right." "His keys are in the drawer." "Also, I need some cash." "Want me to stop at the ATM?" "No." "While you're at Ross', if you see any lying around." "What?" "I don't do that." "That was so cool, man." "The way you leaned on that guy." "It is starting to get dark out there." "He told you everything." "You cracked him." "He was the victim." "They're usually pretty talkative." "Okay, but it is officially nighttime." "Want me to grab the berry?" "It's called a cherry." "It's called-- Chandler!" "Okay, I got it." "This place makes the best sandwich in the world." "Does it have meatballs?" "Oh, yeah." "Melted cheese and marinara sauce?" "Yep." "You can't eat that in my car." "Yeah, okay." "Even though my tax dollars paid for this car." "Your tax dollars?" "Yeah, okay." "Wow, that sandwich smells good." "Did I say you could smell it?" "I can't smell it?" "Half the taste is in the smell." "You're sucking up all the taste units." "Okay, I'll give them back." "What is so great about that sandwich?" "Imagine the best sex you ever had." "Are you thinking about Monica?" "Yeah." "What's that like?" "Please don't be from a real dinosaur." "Please, please." "Please, please." ""Made in Mexico. " Yes!" "Who would buy this?" "Rach, it's me." "Pick up!" "What's up?" "I need more margarita things." "I need some salt, some margarita mix and tequila." "So all we had was ice?" "See if he has ice." "Hello, Ross?" "It's Emily here." "I know this is out of the blue, but I'm getting married tomorrow." "Well, maybe I am...." "I keep thinking about you." "And I'm wondering if we made a mistake giving up so fast." "Are you thinking about me?" "No, of course you're not." "But if you are, call me tonight." "Okay, bye." "Where we going?" "This witness won't return my calls." "We'll surprise him coming home." "Surprise him?" "We're not gonna make anybody mad, are we?" "Come on, man." "You gonna squeeze the perp's shoes a bit before he lawyers up?" "He's a witness, not a perp." "And no one talks like that." "Yeah." "No one talks like that." "Oh, what, like you're Mr. Cop?" "I'm more cop than you two." "How do you figure that?" "I'm in the front seat, okay?" "I'm Gary's partner." "When you say "partner," it doesn't sound cop." "It sounds gay." "Jealous." "Hey, we're undercover here." "Oh, yeah." "No problem." "Ross!" "Sorry." "There." "Hey, Gary." "Who am I?" "Phone home." "Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors." "What's up with that, Serpico?" "Are you thinking about me?" "No, of course you're not." "But if you are, call me tonight." "Okay, bye." "No." "I know!" "Thank God, you were here." "We have to erase that." "What?" "We can't do that." "We have to." "What if Ross hears that..." "... andcallsherand  they get back together?" "Is that what you want?" "Ross back with that controlling..." "... neurotic,crazyEmily who wouldn't let him see you?" "No!" "Oh, no, no." "God, no!" "He should not get back with her." "I know that, you know that." "Even Ross knows that." "But we have no right to erase his message." "Look, I'm his sister and I love him." "I don't want to see him get hurt." "Doesn't that give me the right to control" "Help him?" "He's not the one who needs help." "She's obviously unstable." "She's thinking about running out on her wedding day." "Okay, fine." "But look at the position she's putting him in." "And what's he gonna do?" "Break up their marriage on their wedding day?" "Who would do that?" "Okay, fine." "All right." "But that was different." "Although it did involve a lot of the same people." "This is some twisted joke she's playing on him." "You are crazy." "She sounded genuinely upset." "I mean, listen." "Your messages have been erased." "No!" "Okay, but we're safe, right?" "Nothing bad's gonna go down." "No." "But that reminds me." "Sign this." "What is it?" "It says you can't sue if you scrape your knee..." "... orgetyourheadblownoff." "Oh, hurry up." "I want to sign that." "Here he comes." "What is he doing?" "What the hell is he doing?" "What is it?" "Is everything okay?" "What?" "He sees us." "Don't move." "And don't look at him!" "Hey, it's okay." "It was just a car backfire." "Hey, look at that." "You tried to save your buddy." "You see that?" "You see what he did?" "You okay, man?" "Thanks, Joey." "Hello?" "We should go." "No, wait." "Oh, yeah." "Right." "No." "Monica." "Monica, we have to fix this." "What can we do?" "You erased the message." "Unless we tell him." "If you want to be rational, I can't argue with you." "All right?" "Fine, tell him." "I just don't want to be a part of it." "Maybe that's Emily leaving the exact same message." "Hey, Ross, it's you." "Ijust want you to remember this feeling." "You are lucky to be alive." "So live every day to the fullest." "Love yourself, okay?" "And also get stamps." "Bye." "Play that message for Emily, and this problem goes away." "Right?" "Anybody want to meet a hero?" "John Glenn is here?" "No." "Joey." "We had the most incredible night." "We're in the car" "Wait." "Hold on." "Hi." "Okay, go ahead." "So we're in the car, and bang!" "A shot was fired." "And Joey, with no regard for his own safety..." "... throwshimselfon me ." "My God!" "It was a car backfire." "But he didn't know that." "Yeah, I didn't know that." "It could just as easily have been a bullet." "Ever think about joining the force?" "We could use a guy like you." "Who jumps at loud noises." "Wow." "I could have died tonight." "If the car that backfired had run over you!" "I'm going before he starts rambling about his newfound respect for life." "I do have a newfound respect for life." "Oh, my God!" "You want to get some dinner?" "Yeah, sure." "You know what?" "If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you." "Maybe we should walk in a bad neighborhood." "Okay." "Bye." "Cut it out." "I'd hate to save your life and kick your ass on the same day." "Why'd you take off?" "Just going for a walk." "Around the living room, whatever." "Is something wrong?" "No." "No, I'm just tired." "You know, from the walk." "You dove in front of Ross!" "Ross!" "That's what this is about." "Oh, my God." "You hate Ross!" "I don't hate Ross." "Of course, you do." "I saved him." "You're mad at me." "It adds up." "You want Ross out of the picture." "What picture?" "I don't know." "But I don't like what I'm hearing." "I'm glad you saved Ross." "But it could've been a bullet." "And you didn't try to save me." "You're upset because you think I chose Ross over you." "No, I knew you could take care of yourself." "You know?" "I mean, Ross needs help." "He's not "street" like us." "You'd risk your life for Ross before you would for me." "That's the bottom line." "No, not exactly." "All right, look." "I wasn't trying to save Ross." "Okay?" "My sandwich was next to Ross." "All right?" "I was trying to save my sandwich." "From a bullet?" "I know it doesn't make much sense." ""Much" sense?" "Look, it was instinct!" "I just went for it." "You risked your life for a sandwich?" "I know it sounds crazy..." "... butthisis thegreatest sandwich in the world!" "So you didn't choose Ross before me?" "No." "I would never do that." "You're like my brother." "Really?" "Yeah." "In fact, to prove how much you mean to me... ." "Here." "Thanks." "Easy, it's not a hot dog!" "How good is that?" "See?" "What are you doing?" "You're showing me how much I mean to you." "With a bite." "Jeez!" "What are you doing here?" "Hey, you know what?" "You are in our apartment all the time!" "This is just a drop in the bucket, mister!" "It doesn't matter." "The important thing is that you're here." "You're my friend and you're here." "Okay, just a little scared." "What's going on?" "The most amazing thing happened tonight." "I thought my number was up." "I had an actual near-death experience." "What happened?" "We were on the ride-along with Gary and somebody took a shot at me!" "Really?" "No." "A car backfired." "But I thought somebody was taking a shot at me." "And, Rach..." "... Isurvived!" "And I was filled with this great respect for life." "I want to experience every moment." "I want to seize every opportunity." "I am seeing everything so clearly now." "Because a car backfired?" "Okay." "Why are you here?" "I don't know how this fits into your whole seizing thing..." "... butEmilycalledyou today." "You talked to her?" "She left a message." "But it kind of got erased." "I mean, there's something wrong with your machine." "What did she say?" "Something about having second thoughts about the wedding." "And did you guys make a mistake breaking up?" "And she wants you to call her." "Wow." "That was a good thing that I told you, right?" "Yeah." "Yes." "Of course." "Okay, thank you." "Thank you." "Because" "I'm gonna tell Monica I was right." "Because she didn't want" "Not important." "Point is, I was right." "Your decision." "Okay?" "I was right." "Your decision." "Right." "I guess I should call Emily." "No, that's not the right decision." "That's not right." "Ross, come on!" "I mean..." "... thatwomanmadeyou miserable!" "Do you really want to get back into that?" "Okay, look." "Yesterday..." "... Iwouldn'thaveeven considered calling her back." "But my ex-wife calls on the same day..." "... Ihaveanear-deathexperience?" "That's gotta mean something." "That was not a near-death experience." "That was barely an experience." "You weren't there!" "Maybe this is something that I'm supposed to seize, you know?" "Okay." "You know what?" "Maybe this is not about seizing stuff." "Maybe this is about escaping stuff." "Okay?" "Look at today." "I mean, you escaped..." "... death." "And maybe this is a chance for you to escape..." "... gettingbacktogetherwithEmily." "That does make sense." "Because I do want to seize some opportunity..." "... butI reallydon'twant to see or talk to her." "Well, there you go!" "Yeah, maybe today's just..." "... close-callday." "Hey, thanks, Rach." "Oh, honey." "No problem." "Wait, wait." "The message is blinking." "Maybe you didn't erase it." "Hey, Ross, it's you" "That's an old message." "Nobody needs to hear that." "Hey, was Monica here?" "I want my money back." "You probably need that for stamps, right?" "Has Gary ever been shot at for real?" "Yes, once." "A little." "He kind of did it to himself." "It's not really a good story." "I wonder how I'd react under fire." "And not backfire..." "... butheavyfire." "Like, if I was in a war." "Man, I would be great in a war!" "I think I'd make a fantastic military leader." "I mean, I know I'd make general before any of you guys." "Before or after you were shot by your own troops?" "I know Joey would be in the foxhole protecting all of us." "If the foxhole was lined with sandwiches." "Yeah, hero sandwiches." "You all know I'm a pacifist, so I'm not interested in war in any way." "But when the revolution comes, I'll have to destroy you all." "Not you, Joey."