"Hey, diary." "So, this week, it's time to update my vision board, which is right here." "These are all the things that I'm trying to make come true in my life, like winning Lady Lawyer of the Year, me owning two pygmy goats." "Hmm!" "This one here represents my dream trip into space." "That is one beautiful cockpit." "But, diary, unfortunately, some things need to be removed from the board because now comes the hardest part." "Diary, I have to stop dreaming of a life with Richard Royce." "Okay?" "Richard and I are never getting married because he's with Kendall, and I really wish them all the best." "No, I do." "Maybe I could marry Richard in my next life when we're both dolphins." "♪ Don't stop me now ♪" "♪ I'm having such a good time ♪ ♪ Good time ♪" "♪ I'm having a ball ♪ ♪ Super fun night ♪" "♪ Don't stop me now ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm havin' a good time ♪" "♪ I don't want to stop at all ♪" "♪ Super fun night ♪ ♪ Super fun wild night ♪" "New York is the greatest city in the world." "I never get tired of the energy." "Everyone is going somewhere." "Yeah, like that hobo." "He's going in those bushes." "Whoa, way to spray those nitrites." "Wait." "Is that..." "That's James." "James James?" "The guy you went out with and kind of liked, but he was afraid you were too into Richard, so he just left you at the doormat with a giant banana?" "Yes." "Oh, it's too bad you blew it." "James is a prime cut of tenderloin, and you treated him like a flank steak." "I've been getting my butcher's license online." "Look." "At the time, I thought I still liked Richard." "But now, I..." "Wait here." "I'll be back." "James?" "Hey!" "Kimmie!" "Hi." "How are you?" "Good." "I'm really good." "How are you?" " Yeah, you look great." " Thank you." "I've been..." "You know, I've been working out a little bit." "I don't know what that is." "So, you're just here fondling vegetables?" "Yeah." "I am." "I was..." "Yeah, I was buying some parsnips." "They're a very versatile root, you know?" "You can fry them, bake them, mash them, dice them." "Oh, so, they're just like candy bars." "They're exactly like candy bars." "Uh, we should..." "We should go out again." "Yea..." "Well..." "I mean, what about, uh..." "What about you and Richard, though?" "I mean, just last time..." "Oh, no." "Trust me." "I'm so over Richard." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "We should talk about it over dinner or not talk about it 'cause there's nothing to talk about." "Yeah, so..." "So, what?" "You're..." "You're asking me out on a dinner date?" "Ye..." "Uh...y-yeah." "Uh, well, I'm asking you to a dinner party at my house tomorrow night with some other people." "It's gonna be really great." "I'm cooking." "Yeah, I'm..." "That sounds fun." "I'd love to." "Maybe I can get some pointers for the restaurant." "Oh, my God." "That's right." "You're a professional chef." "Oh." "And now I'll be cooking for you!" "Yay!" "Yeah." "But we've never had a dinner party before, Kimmie." "And we only have four spoons." "I know!" "It's a dangerous idea." "But for the first time in my life, I feel alive!" "Yeah." "So, now that we have the patents from Washington, the busan plant can open as scheduled." "Gamsahabnida." "Gamsahabnida." "Tough crowd." "Did you hear my Korean there?" "Crushed it." "Very impressive." "Where did you learn that?" "University of Korean Barbecue Truck." "Kendall's dragging me along to another one of her fundraising events." "That's great." "Black tie, of course." "The only difference between one of those fundraising events and a funeral is at a funeral, the corpses don't walk around." "I just wish she was happy staying in now and again, but she always wants to go to these things." "Well, that's a good idea." "Yeah." "On a more serious note, the doctors diagnosed me with a terminal case of disco fever." "I only have two weeks left to dance." "Richard, uh, sorry." "I'm so busy." "Can we talk about this later?" "Sure." "I mean, I was just gonna say that any..." "Mm." "Okay." "Sorry." "Do you charge $1,600 to cater dinner?" "I..." "Yeah, I just can't quite understand you with your speech impediment." "Did you..." "Ugh!" "Guys, I got nothing." "That's it." "The dinner's off." "Get the rolodex of excuses." "I'm on it." "Okay." "What about..." "Ah!" "Satellite degrades in orbit and hits the apartment." "Mnh." "Uh, sudden case of shingles?" "No, I already used that one to get out of cleaning the bathroom." "I knew those weren't skin sores." "Wait." "What if I just did the cooking myself?" "I mean, how hard can it be to make fancy food?" "I got a molecular gastronomy kit last year for the seventh night of Hanukkah." "We could bust that out." "And if you need a bartender," "I enjoy dabbling in the lively art of libations." "And I could scintillate the guests with some close-up magic." " No magic." " No magic." "Okay." "Perhaps with our powers combined, we could impress James." " Yeah?" " Yeah." "But, remember, he's a chef." "So if this comes off half-baked, I..." "I don't know enough about cooking to finish that metaphor." "Okay, K-Chef, first task..." "Guest list." "Right." "Okay." "So it will be a table for six." "Helen-Alice, Benji, you'll be a couple." " This is so sudden." " Oh, my gosh." "I'm..." "Mm, weird." "And who else can I invite to a sophisticated, grown-up dinner party?" " Hello, bitches!" " Ow!" "Jaz." "Wait." "What's wrong with you?" " Nothing." " We're just super drunk." "Jell-o shots!" "Oh." "Kimmie, you invited Jazmine?" "Well, I couldn't really think of any other couples." "Marika said she really wanted to be my dish pig." "Oh!" "Ruby!" "What's on fire?" "!" "The shorter way to answer that is, what's not on fire?" "Marika, get a fan!" "Signature cocktail almost ready." "Aah!" "Bartender blind!" "Bartender blind!" "Okay, you need to suck it up, beardo!" "And pick up those limes!" "This song's my jam!" " Whoo-hoo!" " No!" "No!" "Guys, this is a grind-free area!" "Oh, my gosh." "Don't ground my grind." "Guys, listen!" "Everybody!" "This is a classy dinner party!" "We're gonna be all class tonight!" " Uh, Kimmie?" " Primary problem..." "There's a hole in the tablecloth." "Secondary problem..." "We still have rats." "Okay, you guys get over there." "He's here!" "Jaz!" "Oh, James, it's you." "Come in." "Welcome." "Dan, there's a lot of thirsty guests in here." "Chop, chop." "Your libations are served." "Each one is hand-stirred with a different finger." "So, James, tell us about the new restaurant you're working at." "Oh, yeah." "Yeah, um, it's actually..." "It's Thai-infused comfort food." "Yeah, so, we..." "We serve things like, uh, macaroni pad Thai, fried chicken satay." "It's called, um, Siam-EZ." "A lot of people mistake it for a brothel." "Uh, I was reading about this cool restaurant in Tribeca." "You know how with kobe beef how they massage the cow, give them beer?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Well, this place puts pigs in a hot tub" " and shows them "Risky Business."" " That's awesome." "And, on that note," "I will check in on our sumptuous repast." " Ooh." " Thank you." "Page-a-day vocabulary calendar." "It's paying off." "You two are so cute together." "It's, like, you're so cute and runty and he's so cute and sickly." "This thing works." "Yeah, how long have you two been pounding meat parts?" "What?" "!" "Us?" " No, no, no." " Come on, no." "I mean, if we were a couple, would I be afraid to look her in the eye?" "Aah." "Speaking of couples, hey, where's that cute English guy that Kimmie's got a crush on?" "!" "Uh, Richard is just my friend, and he's not coming 'cause he's not invited." "Cheers!" " Cheers!" " Cheers." "Ugh!" "What's in this?" "It tastes like grain alcohol and chardonnay." "Then my work here is done." "Thank you." "This is gonna be a fun night." "Yes, fun." "So, wait." "What exactly is this fundraiser for?" "Inner-city youth arts program." "No, wait." "Inner-city youth music program." "Or is it inner-city youth sports?" "I don't know." "It's something to do with the inner-city youth." "The one thing I am clear on is that they're needy." "Andrew!" "Where have you been?" "Are you sure we're not making meth?" "So, James, you just got back from Rome." "That's right." "Yeah." "The locals call it "The Eternal City."" "I'd love to go to Europe, but I'm afraid of plane crashes." "Yeah, she's really fun to travel with." "I read about this crash that took 45 seconds to hit the ground." "Have you ever counted to 45 while imagining the sheer terror of plummeting to your death?" "No." "Have you?" "All the time!" "Has anyone ever done it in an airplane bathroom?" " Oh!" "We have." " Yeah." "So hot." "Wiped down the surfaces as a courtesy to the next passenger." "Am I right?" "Huh?" "Get up there!" "Ladies and gentlemen, get your taste buds ready for the excitement that is food mixed with science." "I present to you culinary foam." "Oh." "Uh..." " Maybe you need to shake it up." " Yeah." "Culinary foam!" " Oh." " Oh!" "Fresh pepper?" "Thank you." "Uh..." "Oh, this was the only thing that we made." "So I'm sorry." "I can see it's not edible." "It is pretty gross." "Kimmie, I mean, don't worry about it." "I can whip something else up real quick." "I mean, I might need a cooking assistant to help me." "Yeah." "Step aside, Kimmie." "We got this." "Uh, Ruby, I think he means me." "You do mean me, right?" "Yeah, I..." "I meant her." "Hey." "There you are." "What's the matter with you?" "I haven't seen you look this unhappy since you realized that rugby shirt I got you was a men's petite." "I told you I don't like events like this." "This is a particularly bad one." "I'd say on a scale of 1 to 10, this is a definite no." "But, Richard, networking is a part of our job." "Oh, come on." "Don't be such a fussy face." "It doesn't have to be tedious." "There's plenty of interesting people here." "Like who?" "Well, I don't know." "Uh, let's see." "Oh, look." "There's Senator Fletcher and his wife, Patricia." "Hi." "Wave." "I don't want to speak to them." "They're horrible." "He's screwing the maid, and she's screwing the butler." "Yeah, and have you been to their house?" "It's filthy." "Come on." "Let's leave." "And go where?" "I don't know." "Home?" "And do what?" "Stay in?" "Watch a movie?" "Have some friends 'round?" "Whatever it is that normal people do." "We can't do that, Richard." "Normal people stay in for a reason." "They're not as attractive as we are." "Oh." "So, was this all just an elaborate trick to get me to cook you dinner?" "Yes." "And you're the big, handsome cooking bear that walked right into my trap." "Oh." "You know, I was thinking that, uh, you could repay me sometime." "You know, come over to my place, sue my roommate." "Um, can I help with anything?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Of course." "You know what?" "I was gonna do a mirepoix." "I can show you how to do that." "Isn't that what Harry Potter rides in the Chamber of Secrets?" "Okay, you need to not do that 'cause I have a knife." "I don't want to shank you." " Whoa." "Okay." " There it is." "Safety first." "No, mirepoix..." "Really easy." "It's just carrots, celery, and onions, so..." "All the things I pick out of my chicken pot pie." " Yeah, me too." " Yeah." "All right." "And here we go." "There we go." "Think you can do that?" "Yeah." "I just need to channel my hatred of vegetables, which is easy 'cause it's right on the surface." "Is it?" "It's right there." "Aah!" "Okay." "Okay." "You seriously need to be careful." "I'm not joking." " Okay." " Can I show you how to do it?" " Yeah, okay." " Okay." "First off, please, please, please, tuck your fingers in and your thumb." "I don't want you to cut those off." " All right?" " Okay." "Now, I'm going to just go in here and we're just gonna guide, and glide it through." "You got it." "This would be really good practice if we ever have to ride a motorcycle together." "I..." "I was just thinking the same thing." "You know, we might rob a bank." "We need a fast getaway, so..." "Yeah, I didn't want to snuff that teller, but that bitch went for the alarm!" " You are so violent." " Oh, sorry." "You are so violent." "Oh, God." "Those jell-o shots are coming up." "I need a sink or a toilet or a pillowcase or..." "Wait!" "Not in my purse again!" "Richard." "Where are you going?" "We only just got here." "Oh, and by the way, this fundraiser is for inner-city youth music." " This isn't working." " Yeah, I know." "Have you heard the band?" "Stinko." "No, I'm talking about me and you." "This." "Us." "Here." "Feel free to interrupt me at any point." "Well, I don't know what you're saying." "I just don't know if I want to be this kind of couple." "What?" "What does that even mean?" "I don't know." "I'm confused." "Just sometimes I feel the only thing we've got in common is relatively decent abs." "Richard, that is not true." "We have spectacular abs!" "Ladies and gentlemen, dinner 2.0 is served." "Now with shape and mass." "Yay!" "Hold on." "This came out of our kitchen?" "I thought our oven was only good for drying socks." "Mmm, if there's no nuts, gluten, dairy, eggs, or soy in this," "I'm gonna love it." "Guys, to Kimmie." "Congratulations." "You pulled this dinner party off." "And to James for the assist." "James may not wear a white mushroom hat, but he's got a white mushroom heart." "Don't know what Dan's putting in these cocktails, but I think I need to sit down." "Uh, hi." "I'm Dan, and my secret ingredient is..." "a shot of cold medicine." "Nice." "Hey." "You're so quiet." "Is everything okay?" "Oh, yeah." "I'm..." "I'm great." "I'm just...happy." "Oh, I'll answer the door." "I mean, it's not like anybody needs me to do some close-up magic, right?" "Hello." "Oh, uh, I'm sorry." "Richard?" "What are you doing here?" "Oh, well, um, I just came in to, uh... to talk with you, actually, but, um, that's fine." "You're busy." "So...yeah." "Hi, James." "Hey, Richard." "Oh, my God." "This is really awkward." "Baby, isn't that that guy that we're not supposed to talk about?" "Shh." "We're not supposed to talk about him." "Right." "Well, um..." "Note to self, must phone ahead." "Didn't do that." "Stupid me." "Um, okay." "Well, enjoy the rest of your evening." "Sorry." "I knew I'd find you here." "I was just thinking, "This couldn't get any worse,"" " and it totally just got worse." " Yeah." "You know, this might be a good time to escape into the world of illusion." " No magic!" " No magic!" "Kendall, what are you doing here?" "I was looking for you, so I came here because every time you and I have a problem, you go running straight to Boubier." "That's not true." "No, that's not true." "Why do you always do this?" "Why can't you just talk to me?" "Well, um, I try to talk to you, but it always ends in a fight." "Listen." "I don't want to be rude, but can you guys take this outside?" "I just really do not want to be involved." "Oh, I think it's a little late for that, Kimmie." "You've been involved since Richard and I got together including the time that you threw yourself at him like a desperate maniac." "I'm sorry." "I'm just trying to follow along here." " Which one is Richard?" " Uh, British dude, eyes like Thor." "You know what?" "It doesn't matter anymore because we're done, Richard." "This relationship is over." "Oh, wait!" "Hi!" "Hey!" "Steve Rubyat." "I'm wondering if it's too early to ask you out." "I'll call you." "I'll call you." "It's fine." "Okay." "Um, on that note, I should definitely go." "Um..." "Hope I haven't destroyed the entire evening." "Kimmie, I'm very, very sorry." "Wait, James." "What are you doing?" "Uh, I'm gonna get going, too." "You know, Kimmie, this is just..." "It's just too complicated for me." "Nice meeting you guys." "Oh, this is terrible." "Now Kimmie's never gonna lose her virginity." "Jazmine!" "What?" "I-I whispered." "Everyone just heard you!" "Can you hear me now?" " Yes!" " Yes!" "Why are you leaving?" "Oh, I don't know." "Maybe there's something about that being the worst dinner party I've ever been to in my whole entire life makes me not want to stay." "Look, James." "There's nothing going on between Kimmie and I." "And if you've got any sense, you'll go back in there." "Don't be a fool, Jimmy." "She's worth it." "Well, Jason and Jazmine are locked in my room doing it." "Sounds like they're punching each other with something soft." "Easy does it." "We need this table for our settlers of catan tournament tomorrow." "Any scratch is gonna change the fate of the dice." "Well, it sure was fun pretending to be a couple tonight." "Yeah." "You know, if we were a real couple, at the end of a dinner party..." "Yeah, we'd probably kiss." "Have a classy dinner party." "Invite a few people over." "What could possibly go wrong?" "Hmm." "I don't know, Kimmie." "Maybe just..." "Uh, hi." "I, uh, had to come back to clean my space." "It's kind of a chef's code." "Oh." "Now, before we begin, if any of you have a heart condition, please leave the room." "The thrill might be more than you can take." "Now please, pick a card, any card." " Um..." " Yes." "Good." "Okay." "Now put it back in." "Anywhere in the deck." "Thank you." "Oh, is this the one where you pretend to be shuffling but you really put my card at the bottom of the deck?" "No." "It's not." "Oh, I'm sorry, Benji." "Do you have any other tricks?" "Not really." "I mean, I can do this thing where I make myself disappear, but..." " I want to see that." " Try it." "Well, okay, uh..." "Safe to come back in?"