"This saliva heavy display was because" "Keith was going out of town for a few days." "C'mon, Elliot, let me just borrow it for the weekend." "I promise I'll bring it back." "No, I need it." "Now go." "Whenever he goes away he always wants to take my tushie." "Why doesn't he just do what I did when we were dating?" "Wait until you fall asleep naked and take a picture of it." "Did you actually do that?" "No!" "It's my screensaver!" "Whenever we're apart I always get so bummed." "Well, then let's get you cheered up, huh?" "Look what I just bought in the back of boy's life." "Spiderman goggles." "Still gloomy?" "Let's put on the wipers." "Rat roll." " Mmh-mmh." " Nothing?" "Dr. Beardface." "Let's see if he wants to play maccaroni." " How d'you play?" " Comme ça." "One-nothing, your turn." "Playing maccaroni was much more fun than dealing with a hypocondriac." " I have chest tinglies." " Lloyd..." "You're 40 years old and you're a delivery man, so you should be suffering from a pretty severe case of the" ""where-did-I-go-wrong-sease"." "But, other than that, you're fine." "I've run every test." "There's nothing wrong with you." "But the pain starts here, and then it goes along, and then skips this area, and then starts hurting again here, and then of course there's the tinglies." "I'm gonna head out now, Lloyd." " Doctor." " Doctor." "I call next on maccaroni." " He plays?" " Dr. Kelso?" "Would you mind using your gum to show Elliot your maccaroni skills?" "Man!" "He's good." "You know, you really cheered me up today." " Hell, we haven't hung out a whole year, I really miss it." " Yeah, I know." "Uhm, your boyfriend's out of town, let's hang out tonight." "Oh, I'd love to but I've got dinner with the partners I got to work late." "That's too bad." "Since I was checking out that kid's awesome plastic cow," "I saw Elliot's friend first." "Elliot?" "Melody?" "Oh, my God!" "Aaaaaaaaah!" "And just like that, they regressed to the two 19-year-old sorority sisters they've once been." "Aah, dude, we should get out of here before they look our way." "Why?" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" "There's only one way to stop them!" "Show them a picture of Izzy!" "Go!" "Go!" "Must... show... picture!" "Girls?" "Ooooh!" " Oh, that's so good to see you." " Yes, it's been a while." "Good work!" " Hey!" " Hey, no, I've lost mine." "Itasa Scrubs Team proudly presents" "Scrubs Season 06 Episode 18 My Turf War VO subititles" "Transcript:" "Supersimo, Tania, Teorouge, Matters, gi0v3" "Sync: gi0v3, JDsClone" "Revision: gi0v3, Tania" "Thank you, Jerry." "Hey, what's the deal with Elliot's friend?" "Break her down for me C-bear?" "Okay, check it out." "She and Elliot went to college together, right?" "Welcome to Turk's Booty Breakdown!" "Melody O'Hara, Brown University, 5'4", 103 Lbs." "JD, I've got to tell ya I'm a huge fan of this chick." "She seems smart, fun, and she's got a little bit of a wild street." "Smack it and I'll do a fake sexy "ooh" for you." "Boys!" " Ooh!" " Count it!" "Melody works as a hotel reviewer for Zagat, has green eyes, perfect feet ( if you're into that), and here's the best part!" "Tell'em." "I'm single." "Booya!" "Busdriver dance us on!" "Driving, driving." "Passenger on!" "Ooh!" "Driving, driving." "Passenger on!" "Why don't people dance the busdriver anymore?" "Because it's not a real dance." "Well, it's hunky, it's-it's a very important dance." "Driving, driving!" "Inside the bus!" "Anyway, I know it's hard to believe, but when I first got to college, I was a little bit of a" " Dork?" " Geek?" "Good Times Sally who gave it away for free?" "I was the tramp, you bitch!" "Liking her." "Waah, you're so much fun!" "You know, when we were at campus, she just jumped on some random dude's back and then make him take her wherever she wanted to go." "Remember that time I made you do that wit Grillface?" "Yes!" "Come on, dude!" "Just pick a guy!" " Go on!" " Ok..." " Let's go!" "Aaaah!" " Uh!" "Aaaaah!" "Aaah!" "Ooh!" "I mean, before that happened," "Grillface's name was just..." "Steve." "Yeah." "Uhm." "Why does this bedsheet have two holes in it?" "That's on me." "Sometimes at night I haunt pediatrics." "Yo!" "Mickhead!" "Incoming!" "That is a double-side bypass patient with a ruptured spleen on the side." "Hot damn!" "How come you do never give me any good surgeries?" "I could do a bypass like fft-fft-fft... done." "Now, Gumbel, that's hardly to point," "The older surgical attendants here are warriors, hell, if I screw with Mickhead, he'll send me every bowel obstruction he gets." "You, on the other hand, you're just not formidable enough to have ever earned my respect." "I don't even know why I'm speaking with you, in fact I'm going to stop talking right in the middle of whatever I'm" "Come on, Dr. Cox, help me up." "You want a patient?" "Enjoy." "Hey, weren't we in an airband together?" "Maybe." "I think so." "Let's hit the town, later." "I wanna roll with Nancy again." "Who?" "That's the name I gave to her crazy wild side." "Uh, I thought that was Gengie." "No, Gengie is your super-sensitive neurotic side." "You know, something I'm a neurotic too, because" "Someone make me so bummed and I thought that I" " have done so much work with thousand" " Eeeasy, Gengie." "Breathe... breathe." "Later." "I thought you were too busy to go out, tonight." "Pfft, please, it's Melody." "I dropped everything." "Shedidn'tdo thatfor you !" "God, it's so weird." "She hasn't changed at all since college." "I love her for that." "Hey, you can tag along, if you want." "Tag along?" "Let her know you're upset, but be subtle." "I'd love to." "Okay." "There's nothing wrong with you, Lloyd." "Your enzimes are negative, you have a normal echo." "Does heart trouble even run in your family?" "Well, my uncle was shot in the heart." "Oh, okay, that helps." " Really?" " No." "Oh no, oh no, oh no!" "Hey, it's ok." "But now the Ghost Who Hates Spills is gonna come." "Who?" "You're right, Devin." "He might come this very night." "And as you know, that ghost's entire family was killed by a careless spill." "Just like yours." "Just like yours." "Hmm." "Ok, this ends now." "Do you know how messy kids can be, and how clean this place has been ever since..." "The Ghost." "Besides, I'm only picking on the tonsil cases." "The spoiled ones who get ice cream with every meal." "Do you know what I had to eat, when I had my tonsils out?" "What?" "Hot coffee and granola bars." "Hot and scratchy." "Hot and scratchy!" "Are you insane?" "I'm a little bit tired." "I was up all night learning to rollerblade." "I want the Ghost to be a little more glidey." "Thanks, bro." "Hmmm." "Nice drink." "Does it come in ethero?" "It does, but I didn't like it." "Elliot's running 20 minutes late." "Do you wanna... play darts, or maybe sing showtunes?" "Don't say showtunes!" "It's a trap!" "I mean..." "I guess we can make out." "Wait, what now?" "Yeah, I know, it's a little bit trampy, but... what the hell!" "So am I!" "The one thing I have twit now that I'm an adult, is..." "I mean..." "I'll mack anyone... but that's where I draw the line." "That mack?" "Yeah, and if you get too into it, I'll stop." " Do you wanna think about it?" " What?" "Well, this is fun." " Hands on your side." " Sorry." "Hey!" "What the hell..." "He was turned back to you from surgery with endocarditis." "Ah-ah!" "Dr. Turk said I was a present for you." "Huh?" "Is he doing the busdriver?" "Oh, yeah, dude." "Don't get comfortable." "Aortic dissection?" "Pulmonary embolism?" "No." "Splenic infarct?" "Hell, no!" "That's okay, I'll walk myself back." "Heads up!" "Exciting news there, milkdud." "I've convinced young Lloyd in there, that the arm pain that he thought was a heart attack, was actually just what, Lloyd?" "Arm pain, Perry." "Hey, 100% surgical issue." "It's O.V.E.R." "I win." "And, for your dignity sake please, stop trying to play with the big boys." "As I kissed Melanie  knowing we were headed somewhere amazing..." "You moaned!" "We are done!" "No, no, no!" "We're just macking." "Right back in." "Where are your hands?" "In your pants." "Let's just put these, there." " All right." " You know, it's so amazing." "It's like..." "I haven't seen Elliot in so long and now she is this big time doctor." "I just wonder what she thinks like seeing me." "I was still mad at Elliot, so I said this:" "She actually said she thought it was a little weird that you haven't changed since college." "I left out that Elliot loved that." "Hey, guys!" "We've all made a few rash moves in our time." "Now, it's really over." "Oh, yeah?" "What did you do?" "Killed him?" " What's up, dude?" " Wassup?" "You said it was an arm pain, so I operated on his arm." "But there was nothing wrong with him." "Are you crazy?" "Look, the man wanted something done?" "I did it." "End of story." "Good day." "Ultimately you have to hope your rash move doesn't cause too many problems." "Ok, Gengie is wondering whether or not her hair is working but Nancy, was ready to roll:" ""What's the plan"?" "I'm sorry." "Uh..." "I have to get going." "Is she pissed at me?" "Why would she be pissed?" "Hey, Elliot, are you and Melody ok?" "No!" "She wouldn't tell me why she's so pissed." "'cause it's so weird." "I mean, I always regress when I meet people from my past, you know?" "I mean, she's been just as passive-aggressive as she was when we were nineteen." "I'm actually wishing she had a boyfriend" "I'd go mack with to get back at her." "Ok, this has gone far enough." "You can't just mess up Elliot and Melody friendship." "You have to come clean." "Tell her you started their fight!" "I guess it doesn't matter anyway, I mean, she's already left town." "Or, you can say nothing." "Well, since Keith is still gone maybe we could use that raincheck tonight and... hang out." "Yeah!" "Thanks." "I'd like that." "Cool." "Boo." "That can't be good." "Look, in this world, when you try to set the score there are things you can do and things you cannot do." "Under no circumstances can you ever perform unecessary surgery just to unload an annoying patient." "Uhm, did I get drunk last night and sent you an e-mail asking for your opinion about what I did?" "I don't know." "I didn't check." "Dr. Turkleberry, can you please explain to me why you performed surgery on that patient?" "Better yet, you can tell it to the ethics committee later on today." "Maybe they'll just slap you with a suspension instead of taking away your licence." "That night Elliot and I went out." "Just the two of us." "Ok, how many beers?" "Ehm, let's say about eight before she would do you." "Yep." "It was just like old times." "Hello, Elliot." "Hit that thing, It stops like that all the time." "Hey, I'm the Fonz!" "Did you see that?" " No." " Good." "Elliot, we're adults now." "I don't want to behave the way we used to, and I'm not leaving mad." "I don't even know why you're mad." "You told JD that it was weird" "I haven't changed since college." "Yeah, I said that I loved that about you." "Did I not mention that?" "What the hell are you doing?" "I'm reading Mr Goodner's chart, but if you like me to be more specific," "I'm also standing, breathing, thinking and now... talking, which is actually preventing me from what I was originally trying to do." "Turk's career is in danger and you're gonna toss that attitude in my way?" "I've never asked him to operate on that guy." "No!" "You tortured him into playing a game he shouldn't have been playin'." "Never mind that you and I are supposed to be friends, and that I've just had a baby that I was hoping my husband will help to support." "What horrible thing did Turk do to piss you off in the first place?" "He asked me to occasionally... toss him a good surgery." "Oh!" "Well, if he didn't apologize for that, let me do it for him." "He's so sorry." "Don't worry about it." "You know what, I should probably go." "It's late." "I forgot to pay my check." "There's a credit card for you." "It's quiet in here." "I think the music went off again." "Someone'll top that juke box for me?" "No?" "Okay." "Wow!" "You guys can staring off a long time without letting your eyes blink." "That's amazing!" "That's..." "I've tried to do that and I... cannot really... do it.." " ...when I've tried." " Sorry, the..." " ... she's busted." " Unfortunate." "Okay." "Thank you, Frank." "I will pay cash." "Ben Franklin here should take care of things." "A one hundred dollar bill." "I don't got change for that." "He doesn't got change." "That's how he says that." "Okay." "Mmh.." "Surely one of my lady friends could..." "No." "All right." "You know what?" "I'm going to pay one hundred dollars for that Appletini." "I like you." "You're a good barman." "You never teased me, when I ordered the 'tinis." "Drink it myself." "Good..." "Night." "I can't spend a hundred dollars on an Appletini!" "It's absurd!" "That's like ten Tinis, with the tip!" "No, that must be something else I can buy." "How much is that weird melted fox tale?" "Actually that's a beard." "Well, keep that then." "It's probably a family heirloom." "You know what, Frank?" "I'm gonna do it." "One hundred dollars... for one Appletini." "That was frankly light on the Tini." "All right." "Good night." " I found a fiver in my pocket.." " No!" "Keep that too." "Well, of course I'd like to get to know you better." "What is it, Perry?" "Well Bob, what I'm about to say is so painful, that I plan on erasing it from my memory, tonight, by drinking a feet of Jack" " ..in challenging." " One moment." "Perry, I wanna see this." "Go ahead!" "I know that, Gandhi must stop, I do." "But I need you to let him off the hook." "And, why is that?" "Because I pushed him into it." "Okay?" "Or... because he's a good person, and better yet because he's a good surgeon." "Then, I'll think about it." "Bye bye." "Sometimes standing up for someone still isn't enough to make the guilt go away." "That is cool!" "No scar!" "Oh!" "You never operated on him!" "?" "But he... he said he watched his own surgery." "Oh, he thinks he did." "I put up a divider, sprayed on some local anaestetic, and then put Mrs. Nouabi's heart surgery on the TV." "What's that thing?" "Oh, that's your shoulder sack." "Dude!" "You... tricked me?" "I couldn't have done it without my supporting players." "Ladies and Gentlemen, my muse, my shining light..." "Miss Carla Turk." "Stop being mean to my husband!" "And of course, playing the cantankerous chief of medicine," "you know him, you love to hate him," "Dr. Boooooob Kelso!" "Again." "Ah, that was fun." "Don't mess with me ever again." " I'm so proud of you, baby!" " You know what I do when I do..." "JD, what the hell were you doing in there?" "I don't know." "I guess I was just pissed off that you'd cancel your plans for Melody but not for me." "She was only in town for a couple of days." "I get it, I'm an idiot." "It's just that, Elliott, when was the last time we made any time for each other?" "We used to be so close, and... it just doesn't feel like we are anymore." "Look, you know what it's like when you're in a relationship." "Not to mention work." "Plus Turk's your best friend, and Carla's my best friend." "I wanna be Turk's best friend and your best friend." "I just don't wanna lose you." "Then we'll both try harder." "Take me over to them." "Come on now, mush!" "I guess all relationships have to evolve..." "Gandhi, incoming." "Mr. Randolph's Nissen fundoplication." "It's all yours." "There's nothing you can do to stop it, even if you wanted to." "Keith?" "Elliot," "I didn't go home to see my family." "I went to see your father to ask his permission to do this." "Oh!" "Elliot, will you marry me?" "No way!" "Yep... such is life."