"'The year is 1987 'and NASA launches the last of America's deep-space probes." "'In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William "Buck" Rogers, 'are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life-support systems 'and returns Buck Rogers to Earth 500 years later.'" "(Alarm buzzing)" "What's going on?" "The entire complex is under alert." "Yes, I know." "(Alarm stops)" "Ten minutes ago our orbital defence system registered the presence of hundreds of alien objects in Earth's orbit." "Our fighter squadrons have made no visual contact." " Is something jamming their sensors?" " Perhaps." "But it's highly unlikely." "Doctor, my sensors detect a tightly-focused energy beam penetrating our..." "Oh dear." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Doesn't anybody bother to knock any more?" " Dr Theopolis, what is it?" " Unknown, Doctor." "My sensors are unable to penetrate its exterior." "However, in light of its unusual materialisation," "I would suggest securing the entire Directorate complex immediately." "Bidibidi." "Good idea, I'll secure the basement." " No, Twiki..." " Oh, rats." "It's impossible." "This object does not register on my sensor." "This may sound crazy but how about touching it?" " Touching it?" " It may not be a weapon at all." "It may be a communication device, touch-activated." "That could be awfully risky." "Would you rather leave it here, turn it into a plant stand?" "Your sensors aren't doing any good." " What have you got to lose?" " Nothing." "Whoever sent it has obviously developed a sophisticated method of matter transmission." "Anyone capable of that could have killed us all long ago." "I think Buck's suggestion is a good one." "Here goes." "Wait, Buck." "Be careful, please." "Hell..." "What do I know?" "Bidibidibidibidi." "Killed by a yo-yo." "What a way to go." "(High-pitched humming)" "You're right, it is a communicating device." "Look what it's communicating." " "The man out of Old Earth's past..." - "..has the key to the next and the last."" " "But you won't solve this riddle..." - "..till the end is the middle..."" ""..and Terran sands disappear with a blast."" "That last line sounds ominous." "They could teleport an entire star fleet into Earth's orbit and decimate us before we could scramble a single squadron." "Why haven't they done it already?" "(Buck) Why play games, writing limericks?" " Limericks?" " Yeah, limericks." "An old and honourable form of literature." "It goes back even before my time." "Obviously the puzzle was specifically geared to you, Buck." ""The man out of Old Earth's past" is a clear reference to you." "(Buck) Yeah, I know." "It says I hold the key to the first and the last." "Which means..." "to the life and the death of the Earth." "By using psych-probes we'll be able to refer to this mysterious..." "ls it limerick?" "Mm-hm." "I'm sure you know as well as I do that there are people who could harbour a grudge against you." "This scan will help select the most likely candidates." "Just lie back and relax." "Let your mind drift." "That's it." "Well, that's enough drifting for now." "Perhaps you could concentrate on the words of the riddle." "That might trigger some memories." "(Buck) Let's see." "There's the thing about the key." "We used a lot of keys when we rescued that girl Falina from Sinaloa." " Where have you been?" " Never mind." "Karl Morphus just arrived." " That's as good as my news." " What about the man who followed you?" " 1 know where they're keeping Fauna." "Good." "It's impossible to get there without one of four existing keys." "Sanitation module 07 doesn't make its rounds till after midnight and if Morphus is here now, we might as well pack." " Who else has a key?" " Velosi's goons." " And Velosi?" " Naturally." " Marla." " You'll have to wait just a minute." "I don't like to wait." "And with this, I rarely have to." "I thought you'd feel that way." "I'm sorry to spoil your plans this evening." "Yes, I am disappointed." "Until now." "Kill her." " Please don't move." " Come on." "Get over there with your boss." "Move." "I'll just take that key you're so proud of." "You'll die before you leave this city." "You think so?" "Get over there." "Come on." "Move." "If I were you, I'd worry more about how you're gonna get out of here." "Let's go." "Go and prepare for takeoff." "I'll get Falina." " You got the detonator?" " I'm all set." "I'll see you at the ship." "Buck Rogers, what are you and that lady up to?" " Later, Tangie." " It looks dishonest." " I don't have time." " If you don't help me out of this city," "Security's gonna get a call from me." " Next time I'm in town." " You won't get away with it!" "Now, I want you to close your eyes." "Very soon you shall find yourself afloat in a sea of colour and sounds, and then blackness, and then everything... everything shall come to an end." "(Alarm beeping)" "Name is Buck Rogers." "Let's get out of here." "Morgan Velosi is a formidable opponent on his home territory but he hardly commands the resources necessary to mount an attack on Earth." "All right, let's look at the limerick again." "That last line, "And Terran sands disappear with a blast"." "Well, there's sand..." "Desert..." "Sounds like Zeta Minor." "And, come to think of it, Zeta Minor started with a blast." "Hope you're wearing climbing shoes." "The elevator's out of order." "Escape is not possible." "Prisoners will report to the day room." "Escape is not possible." "Prisoners will report to the day room." "Escape is not possible." "Jen, you've been in there for ten months." "He won't spring you out." "He'll leave you and the secrets of the murders in there forever." "I don't care about you, so stop pretending you care about me and who I am and just leave me alone." "Sand squid!" "You got it." "Come on." "Buck!" "Oh, hi." "Can we talk about this?" "Oh, God!" "OK, big guy, come on." "Sometimes a frontal assault works best." "All right, move." "Get over there." " Are you all right?" " I'm fine." " Rescuing you's a full-time occupation." " March out of here single file." "Not quite, Colonel." "Drop your weapons now." "Frontal assaults do have drawbacks." "(Screaming)" "(Buzzing)" "Why's he after me, Wilma?" "What is it?" " It's your bracelet." " It is, huh?" "No!" "Be my guest." "According to my locator banks, the android Hugo is still at large on Zeta Minor." "I suggest we proceed, Buck." "We really must continue, Dr Huer." " Well, so much for him..." " (Alarm buzzing)" " What's that?" " The sensors in my office." "They were keyed to that strange object." "(Wilma) It's gone." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Well, so much for the yo-yo." "I'll be going now." "Sorry, Twiki." "I think everything's far from over." "In fact, I think it's just beginning." "It seems the object has sewed its function." "I wonder what else we can expect." "Let's get on with this." "I've got a feeling we don't have much time." "How about Roderick Zale?" "The guy who kidnapped Hieronymus Fox of Genesia." "Zale is certainly resourceful enough." "And quite possibly ruthless enough." "Greetings, Mr President." "My name is..." "Your name is Roderick Zale, your speciality is political abduction, and your modus operandi sticks out like a sore thumb." "Half the galaxy probably knows you snatched me." "You're as perceptive as I was told." "How much are you asking for me?" "A reasonable price." "6,000 kilograms of pure quadrillium." "(Scoffs and laughs)" "Ain't no way the Genesians are gonna cough up that much." "I don't even think we've got that much quadrillium." "Then they'd better find it somewhere." "Or within a week, their technological miracle worker will die." "Come on, Zale, I'm worth more to you alive any day of the week." "Even if the Genesians don't pay up, you can sell my brains to the highest bidder." "So don't give me any of that Dr Doom jive." "You'd better take good care of me if you know what's good for you." "Starting right now." "We're not gonna tell him where the kid is." " Buck, they'll kill us." " The woman's right, Rogers." "If you do know where the President is, you'd better tell us." "Otherwise you'll both die." "And if we do tell you, we'll probably still die." "There are many ways to die... long and short." "Uh... hi there." "I bet you're wondering what I'm doing in your parcel bin." "Actually, I'm not a real person at all." "I'm a doll." "That's it." "A preprogrammed cybernetic doll." "My name is Ken." "Mr President, are you all right?" "Before I answer that, whose side are you on?" "Yours." "Colonel Deering from the Earth Defense Directorate." " How did you get away from Zale?" " Nothing to it." "I just did a quick impersonation of a sack of groceries." " I guess I'm a little late." " No, you're just in time." "My bodyguard, Dia Cyrton, is here on Aldebaran." "She and some Buck Rogers are on their way to Zale's place." "Buck?" "If we don't help them, they're both gonna get wasted." "You know what wasted means?" "Sorry." "Can't let you do that." "I'm terribly sorry but I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you." "Koren to Zale." "Come in, Zale." "Mr Zale!" "Mr Zale!" "Maybe he slid back under his rock." "Shut up, or so help me, I'll kill you right here and now." "I think she might have something to say about that." "That one is almost as old as you are." "Old but true." "Mighty nice shooting, Colonel." "Thank you, Mr President." "True, Roderick Zale is a cunning, dangerous criminal." "But his personality index would seem to indicate a cold-blooded pragmatist not inclined to seek revenge on such a grandiose scale." "Bidibidibidibidi." "You wanna run that by me again?" "I said, Roderick Zale..." "Forget it!" ""Till the end is the middle..."" "What is that supposed to mean?" "This is like trying to work your way through a maze, it's almost Byzantine." "Hm." "Byzantine." "Byzantine..." "Zantia!" "That started off with kind of a puzzle." "A Mayday from two women on board a space yacht." "Let's take a crack at that." "This is Earth Starfighter 1314." "I'm approaching at 50 degrees." "This is the space yacht Aurora." "We have you on scanner." "(Mouthing)" "Do you have video transmission capability?" "'Sure do." "'How's that?" "'" "Fine." "Couldn't be much better." "'You're to follow the yellow landing tracer to Docking Area 2." "'Variation from that course will result in your destruction." "'Zantia landing control out.'" "Thanks." "Welcome to Zantia." "Ladies, please get ready." "We start the bidding at 400." "This prime Terran male is an excellent investment." "1,600 from the unseen lady on monitor 4." "Do I see more?" "2,200." "3,000 on the monitor from bidder number four." "Do I hear more?" "The bid is now 4,000." "Do I hear five?" "10,000!" "12,000!" "Going once..." "Going twice... 20,000!" "Do I hear more?" "Going once at 20,000..." "Going twice at 20,000..." "Sold to bidder number four, for 20,000 credits." "Come on, let's go." "They won't stay unconscious for long." "Let's get out of here." "Move!" "Hang on." "Buck Rogers to escort leader." "Do you read?" "Leader to ES 1314." "I've got you on the scanner." " Is that Major Norris?" " Affirmative." "What are you doing up here?" " Don't listen to him, Major." " Wilma?" "I can't let you do this, Buck." "Don't try to stop me." "This will force Earth and Ruatha to go to war." "'You're jeopardising thousands of lives.'" " (Norris) 'Colonel Deering...'" " There's too much at stake, Major." "Open fire." "Full pulsars." " Wilma, I know what I'm doing." " You're sending us right into war!" "'Wilma, you know me." "Trust me!" "'" "He's hit." "I think Zantia's a dead end, Buck." "I tend to agree, Colonel." "(Alarm buzzing)" "Our sensors have picked up another energy beam heading straight for..." "Good heavens." " Here we go again." " What is it?" "Looks like an hourglass." "It's a device for measuring time." "And from the looks of this one, we only have a couple of hours until it runs out." "You think somebody's trying to tell us something?" "There's not a lot of time left." "Wilma, think about Corliss and Roxanne." "The last time, they were gonna use ancient nerve gas to poison our atmosphere." "And to destroy it we needed Noah Cooper's help in penetrating Necrosis's asteroids." "Stay close behind me and do exactly what I do." "And watch for falling rocks." "Enemy craft approaching." "Moving through the asteroids." "OK, start breathing again, everyone." "Stop breathing, we got company!" "Tight T formation." "Look alive, tail gunners." " You take over." " Got it." "Nice shot, Big Red, but they're sending reinforcements." "Retreat temporarily to the asteroids." "'Surrender at once or be destroyed." "'Proceed to vector 9, 4-K-V, coordinate C." "'We will tractor beam you into the hangar.'" "Noah, they've been captured." " I heard." " What do we do, Noah?" "What can we do?" "We've lost them." "We've lost them." "Have you ever been in a fire, Rogers?" "Or should I say, have you ever been on fire?" "No, I can't say that I have." "Do you know what pain is, Rogers?" "There are all kinds of pain." "No." "I'm talking about a pain that's so intense the only way to stop it is to have its source removed." "How you are going to wish we had surrendered, Colonel." "All right, just keep quiet." "Steady." "Bomb away." "Get the door!" "You, get over there." " You missed." " We saw, Big Red." "Come on back up, now it's our turn." "Hold it steady." "We're almost there." "Second bomber approaching!" "We're trapped in here!" " Ready?" " Right." "Hang on." "Bomb away." "This one's gonna hit!" "(Buck) Where are Roxanne and Corliss?" "According to our locator banks, they are both in the Detention-Rehabilitation complex on Lycaste Alba." "So much for that theory." "Wait a minute." "What about our man with the magic hands?" "The slave master?" "Kaleel." "Let me see, that was on Vistula, where we went to investigate the poisoning of the Earth's food supplies." "Soon... you will descend upon the Earth like meteors," "like fire." "The only ones who can stop us are those enemies among us." "Those who are weak and faithless, those who do not believe." "These are our enemies." "Get down!" " (Whirring)" " Don't raise even a hair." "Good heavens." "What was that?" "Be careful." "(Whirring)" "Sorry, Buck." " Are you OK?" " Yeah." "No thanks to our host." "The almighty Kaleel, I presume." " And you are?" " Buck Rogers." "Let's just get rid of him." "He and Colonel Deering will meet the same fate as Ryma but first things first." "Now that Earth knows of my plan, what do your people intend to do?" "Prepare for your attack." "And with our remaining forces, give you a reception you won't forget." "You are lying!" "Keep your eyes on that turkey in the back, he's the one we want." "You guys open a hole, I'll nail him." "OK, take out these tackles." "Stop them, you fools!" "Nice double-teaming, whoever you are." "Gordon's the name." "Thanks." " Have we met?" " I don't think so." "We're from different times." "Bidibidibidi." "Eat lead, sucker!" "Lead?" "What lead?" "Twiki, what are you talking about?" "Nice shooting, Captain Rogers." "Thanks, Major." "Twiki." " Where'd you learn to shoot like that?" " I've done that since before you were born." " You think so?" " Young man, I know so." "Come on, we got some cleaning up to do downstairs." "According to our locators, Kaleel escaped from the revolutionaries who captured him and now wanders the Vistulan desert, trying to enlist its inhabitants as followers." "A harmless lunatic." "Hop out of there a second." "I got an idea." "It's all yours." "Remember the Legion of Death?" "To infiltrate them, I had to take on the identity of an assassin, Rafael Argus." "Rafael Argus?" "Three months ago you killed a man named Gleeson." "Let me guess, he was your, um...?" "Brother." "I knew it would be something like that." "To destroy a city that large you need an earthquake or a tidal wave." "Or an antimatter explosion." " You're joking, of course." " Far from it." "New Chicago receives its power from a contra-terrene generating plant just outside the city." "And if someone were to sabotage that reactor, allowing the matter and antimatter to mix uncontrollably?" "Everything for 200 square kilometres would be atomised instantly." "Very good, Kellogg." "Aaargh!" "Varek, go in there and dispose of him." "He'll think that was you." "Why did you do that?" "This is why." "This is who I am." "The thing about Kellogg is, he wouldn't waste time with these riddles." "He'd want me to know it was him and how he was going to kill me and how much it would hurt." " So we're back where we started." " Yeah, except... the hourglass is almost empty." "All right, it's your turn now, Twiki." "Let's see if your memory bank can help us." " Now hold still." " Bidibidibidi." "You're tickling!" " I'm not tickling." "Hold still." " You are!" "Twiki, you're supposed to be remembering what happened on the Lyran Queen." "All right." "'This is your captain speaking." "'You're all aboard so we're accelerating to light speed 'for a slow, leisurely cruise to Stargate 1." "'After leaving the stargate, we'll enter the Vega system, 'where we'll make our first stop on Sutter's World, 'a planet renowned for its fair climate, colourful indigents 'and remarkable hospitality.'" "Bidibidibidi." "Wilma's looking real foxy." "Boodiboodi." "Something from the bar, sir?" "Bidibidibidi." "Hold the phone." "Boodiboodiboodi." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Excuse me for staring." "I've never met a 500-year-old man before." "I've never met a genetically perfect woman before." "Mmm..." "Think of the permutations." "(Laughs)" "Stupid, weak, snivelling little creature." "How do you put up with her?" "I like part of her." "My part, you mean?" "(Theopolis) What you are suggesting is that Alison Michaels is a transmute - a split personality with the ability to transform itself in times of stress into one of two or more separate entities." "All we have is a theory." "We can't act without evidence." "Then we have to capture her as Sabrina." "(♫ Disco)" "Boodiboodiboodi." "What a good dancer you are, Twiki." "Bidibidibidi." "Buck taught me all I know." "They call this one The Bump." " Bidibidi." "Uh-oh!" " I've never seen a dance like that before." "That's all we can do." "The laser will draw power from the ship very slowly so that the monitors will not detect." "When it peaks, the laser will be in full effect." "Its blade will start dissecting her quite automatically." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Bidibidibidi." "Hi, guys." "What's the matter, Twiki?" "It's only 0300 hours." " I'm bushed." " Now, just a minute, Twiki." "If you think you're going to retire without hearing from me, you're incorrect." "Your behaviour since you set foot on this ship has been abominable." "Twiki?" "Twiki?" "Twiki?" "Twiki!" "Well, we've only got one candidate left." "But all this hardly seems to be her style." "What do you mean?" "She's ruthless, arrogant and power-hungry." "Aside from all that, what's wrong with her?" " Anything about it look familiar, Buck?" " Negative." "I've never seen anything like it." "Dr Huer?" "'Wherever it came from, it is now sustaining a position over New Chicago.'" "It must be a weapon, so destroy it - now." "Yes, sir." "Our pulsars have no effect!" "Activate Omega defence programme - immediately." "It's glowing!" "Dr Huer, it's releasing a beam of energy." "(♫ Upbeat music)" "Very shortly, I will succeed my father to the throne of Draconia and, according to our laws, within a year of doing so," "I must wed the most physically and genetically sound male available or lose my throne to a successor." "Well," "I have found just such a man right here on Earth, and unless you turn him over to me for the wedding ceremony our pyramid weapon will destroy the Earth, city by city by city." "That man, of course, is Captain Buck Rogers." "Tribal courtship rituals can be fascinating." "Tell me, just out of curiosity, what happens in Phases Two and Three?" "In Phase Two you prove your worthiness by competing in the arena with Tigerman." "Of course, if you win tomorrow, the third phase will take place at noon." "The great event itself, the wedding ceremony." "(Grunting)" "You'll be joined with Princess Ardala forever." "He's destroying the weapon." "Do something!" "I'm getting a power feedback." "Buck, get out of there." "I hate to admit this but even Princess Ardala wouldn't slaughter innocent people without a reason." "If this were her doing we'd... (Alarm buzzing)" "Good lord!" " Is something else going to materialise?" " Yes." "They're using a directional beam to lock in coordinates for materialisation." "This precedes the teleport beam by several minutes." "Now, according to our sensors, the next object is due to materialise... in your apartment, Buck." " Bidibidibidi." "It's the killer yo-yo." " (Buck) I don't think so, Twiki." "What in the galaxy?" "Hamburgers, French fries, milkshakes and champagne?" "No, it can't be." "Dr Huer, what day is today?" "Er, it's..." "Decko 31, isn't it?" "Decko?" "December 31st?" "It's New Year's Eve." "There's only one other person who'd know what this meant." "'Right on, Buck." "I knew you'd figure it out.'" " Hieronymus." " 'Happy New Year, guys." "'What do you think of my new matter transmitter?" "'To test it over long distances I sent you a little New Year's present.'" " And a riddle." " 'It beats crossword puzzles.'" " Cross what?" " It would take hours to explain." "Your matter transmitter's a great idea but it's got a few bugs." "'Oh, yeah." "Creates one heck of a magnetic field, doesn't it?" "'Hope I didn't bollix up your alarm systems.'" "No, the whole planet's on general alert - that's all." "'Back to the drawing board.'" "That entire riddle was about New Year's Eve?" "'Right." "The first line was about you - the man out of old Earth's past.'" ""Has the key to the next and the last"?" "'Sure." "Buck would know about an hourglass 'which was going to be the next thing that I sent you 'after the last thing, which was the riddle." "'A real, live 20th century limerick.'" "Bidibidibidi." "Tricky little devil, ain't you?" ""'But you won't solve this riddle till the end is the middle."'" "Of course." "The end of the old year, the middle of the night." "Midnight." "'And the Terran sands disappearing.' ls the twisto hourglass you sent us." "When the sands disappear," " they disappear with a..." " 'A blast." "'Meaning a party, and what's a party without milkshakes, 'bubbly and fries and Rigellian lizard-burgers.'" "Lizard-burgers." "'Hit it, maestro!" "'" "(♫ Disco drumming)" "I wish I knew how he did that." "'I gotta run, gang." "These transgalactic phone calls add up." "'Have yourselves a happy one and wait till you see my riddle next year." "'Bye.'" " "Next year"?" " We can worry about that later." "For now, though, how about some good old-fashioned Genesian bubbly?" " Was 2490 a good year?" " How could it be?" "You weren't around." "(All laugh)"