"So the last thing I have to tell you young fellows is this:" "Play up and play the game!" "Honor your queen and country." "Mind what your masters tell you." "Say your prayers each night." "Keep your minds and your bodies clean." "Take a cold bath each day." "And you'll find you can always look the world in the eye... like an English gentleman." " Hear!" "Hear!" " Hear." "Hear." "Now, my lads..." " I'm just a simple soldier." " Oh!" "No, no, no." "Yes, I am though." "But I tell you... if you follow these rules... then, when the last roll call comes... you'll be able to go up before the Great Headmaster... with a clean, British conscience and say..." ""Well, sir, I tried to do my duty."" "And I think" "I think you'll find that's good enough for him." "Well-Well, I think that we have rarely heard... such man-inspiring address." "We are deeply indebted to Captain Flashman." "Let it be an example to you boys- especially when you remember that only a few short years ago..." "Captain Flashman, whose name and fame has now run 'round the world... as the hero of Kabul." "I need not tell you of the dauntless heroism he displayed in Afghanistan..." " Let me in!" " of the matchless gallantry of his defense of Piper's Fort... against overwhelming odds... when he fought to the last against the heathen hordes." "Here!" "Take the bloody thing." "I don't want it." "Take it!" "Ofhow he was found the sole, gallant survivor..." " of the stricken field..." " There's a British officer there." "With his country's flag- nay, his country's honor  clasped to his wounded body." " He's alive." "Get him there, Carruthers." "We're your relief, sir." "Nor need I remind you... or embarrass his simple modesty... by recalling the hero's welcome which his queen and his country... gave this gallant English gentleman... whom we at Rugby School know as Harry Flashman." "But-But even-even heroes... must work, and we must not... keep him from his arduous military duties... which claim his first allegiance." "Damn!" "Come on." "Oh, come on, you silly slut." "Place your bets, please, ladies and gentlemen." "It's 4-to-1." "That's right." "It's 4-to-1 the field on Pink Lady." "Lovely Pink Lady there, sir." "There she goes." "Lovely thighs." "What a wonderful bosom." "Hello, Freddie." "Doin' all right?" "Waiter!" "This game's as crooked as a line of Russian infantry- and a damn sight harder to beat." "Mesdames, monsieurs, place your bets, please." "I know a better line." "Come on." "Speedicut!" "We'll, uh, play vingt-et-un, you see... and every time I lose a trick, I'll give you a piece of my clothing- like, uh, a glove or something." " What if I lose a trick?" " Silly little girl." "You'll learn the rules as we get along." "Quiet, lads." "Now come on." "Quiet as you can." "Anybody makes a noise loses his pension." "Right." "Up you go, lad." "Go on." "Get in there." " All right." "All right, sir." " Go on." "Now hang on tight." " Yes." " Right, lads." "Start cranking." "Can't stand heights, Sergeant." " Never mind that." "Go on up." "Keep your eyes open." " Now what can you see?" " Nothing." "Right." "Take him up a bit more." " I don't wanna go up any higher." " Shut up." "What can you see?" " Nothing." " Take him right up." "Damnation!" "Have you tarts been marking this deck?" "Hmm." "I see what the trouble is." "You're still too sober to play properly." "Soon attend to that." "Get him up." "Get him up." "Get him up." "No, it's no good, Sergeant." "I can't see anything." " All right." "We'll go in the front door." " Hey?" "Hey, waiter!" "Waiter!" "Look alive, dagger-eyes!" "More bubbly!" "Right." "Shh!" "Shh!" "Quiet." "Police!" "Police!" "Quick!" "All right, lads." "Cut and run." "It's the traps!" "Hide those chips, will ya?" "Clean those tables off." "Don't panic, for God's sake." "Here you go, girls." "It's much too big." "No!" "Lower away now." "Right." "Upstairs." "Upstairs!" "Steady." "Careful." " All right." " Get me down." " Get me down, Sergeant." " All right." "I can't stand heights." "Get me down." "You've cranked it up, sir." "Will you kindly crank it down?" "I've had enough." "I wanna come down now." "Oh, I'm feeling sick." " Sick!" " Oi!" "You!" "Get down!" "Right, lads!" " Come on." " Help me!" "Oh!" "Sorry." " All right." " Lads, right." "Come back here!" "Do the British always sleep?" "Wake up, driver." "God save us." "What the devil are you doing, sir?" " I'm hiding, ma'am." " Well, I can see that." "Who from?" "And in my carriage, if you please." "Please, I mean no harm." "It's the police." "Oh, no." "No." "I'm not a criminal." "I was in a club that was raided." " Oh." " Get out of this." "Do you hear?" " Oh, please, sir" " Get out!" "Oh, let him alone, Otto." "Can't you see he's a gentleman?" "Quick, you booby, onto the seat." " Such a delightful party." " Huh?" "There I was, standing in a corner..." " Oh, yes!" " surrounded by three duchesses... and only two of them drunk." "Excuse me, sir." "Might you have seen a gentleman running?" "Yes, Constable." "This is your man." " Will you arrest him, please?" " Oh, stop it, Otto." "Really, Sergeant, it's too bad." "He's making game of you." "This gentleman is with us." "Yes." "Stop playing the fool, Otto." "I'm tired." "My leg hurts." "I need a nice rubdown." "Um, just there." "Mmm." "The anguish." "Here." "I know you." "You're Captain Flashman, be God." "The hero of Afghanistan!" " ByJove." " Yeah." "The defender of Piper's Fort." "Well, here's a go." "He is a criminal fugitive who invaded our coach without permission." "I don't care if he invaded Buckingham Palace without permission." "Yes." "You're not English, are you?" " I am a German officer, and I demand that" " Yes." "Well." "Captain Flashman is a British officer... so you don't demand nothing." "Just move along, please." "Good night, sir." "Adieu, ma'am." "Good night." "My dear, your face." "I am happy... that you are amused to make a fool of me." " The devil take you then." " How dare you insult a lady... you dirty foreigner!" "I shall remember you." "Well, I shan't trouble to return the compliment." "Oh, yes, you will." "You will remember me." " My name is Bismarck." " Hmm." "These foreigners-can't look an Englishman in the eye." "Yes, but it put me next to a beautiful woman... and one of two things is inevitable:" "She either surrenders or screams- sometimes both." ""Lola."" ""Lola"!" "Sounds like a foreign bedroom with purple wallpaper." ""Lola" what?" " Montez." " Oh." "Lola Montez." "Ain't that a dago name?" "You looked a bit dago." " Thank you." " Why didn't you give me away to the bobbies?" "And have to spend the night with Otto Bismarck... who has nothing but ice and vinegar in his veins?" "My dear, I wouldn't have given you away if you had been a murderer." "Bismarck is going to be a great man someday." "He told me so himself." ""I have a destiny to rule," says he." "I told him, "I have my ambitions too."" "And what might they be?" "To be a queen in the theater... and to live as I please... love as I please and never grow old." "And if you're disappointed?" "Courage." "And shuffle the cards." "Not a bad motto." "Well, I tell you, I am a far greater man... than any Otto Bismarck." "Prove it." "You mean to say while I was spending the night... in a Bow Street cell, you were bumping that little beauty?" "Well, damn your luck, Flashy!" "Only the brave deserve the fair." "My backside's like a pin cushion." " Her hairbrush." " Now." "Now." "Finish him!" "Smash him!" " Why don't they hit each other?" " See what I mean?" "Gently, sweetheart." "You're not in bed now, you know." "Hit him!" "Well, well!" "If it ain't Attila the Hun." "Ah, Count, glad to see you again." "Come to watch us English at play, what?" "A sporting contest, ladies and gentlemen." " Very sporting." " And a fitting moment to introduce our guest of honor." "A member of Parliament, justice of the peace... many years ago, the heavyweight champion of all England." "Ladies and gentlemen, will you drink to John Gully." "John Gully!" "You make much of this boxing, I see." "It is interesting enough to see two of the lower orders... slash each other with their fists." "But surely, well-bred men despair of this, no?" "Well, Count, each country to its own game." "I hear in Germany that you fight duels just to get scars on your head." "The schlager, the dueling saber" "It gives a man honorable scars." "Besides, it is for gentlemen." "Dueling, you see, is a soldierly skill... and, if you'll excuse me, I see no skill in this." "Perhaps you think boxing's easy." "Do you fancy you could hold your own in a mill?" " Is that a challenge?" " Good Lord." "No." "No, like you, I'm a man of the sword." "But if you think that boxing ain't scientific... then you need a good teacher, and the best teacher in all the world..." " is standing over there." " Evening." "He'd be glad to instruct you." "That is a foolish proposition." "You see, Mr. Gully is far too old." " Oh, too old." " No, don't mind, eh?" "It wouldn't be that he's a professional- one of the lower orders?" "I am not interested whether he's a professional or not." " So you say!" " What the devil?" "Damn it, Flashman." "I'm sick of his foreign airs." "Sneering at old Jack as though he weren't good enough!" "The point is, if the count wants a friendly spar..." "Jack'll oblige, won't you?" "Well, look here." "I'll tell you what I'll do." "To convince our visitor here that there's more to the noble art than meets the eye..." "I'll stand in front of him with my hands down... and let him try to plant a few facers on me." "Now what do you say, mein Herr?" "You mean you'll stand there and not run away..." " and let me strike you?" " I'll let ya try." "Good." "But, damn it, he's a guest." " You won't hurt him, Jack?" " Nah." "Now you must hit him fair- above the waist." "Now go easy, Jack, for God's sake." "Now, Mr. Gully." "Now... time!" "Whoa!" "Well done, mein Herr." "Never mind them." "They couldn't have done better." "Convinced now, Bismarck?" "Ja." "Ja." "There is skill, I admit... but I would be obliged if you would try me again... and this time, you will strike me in return." "No." "No." "Enough." "Enough." "No." "No, Tom." "This man's a sportsman." "I'll spar easy with you, Count." "You can go home and say you fought the champion." "Come on, square head!" "Jolly good, eh?" "Enough." "Enough." "That'll do." "You shouldn't ought to have done that, mein Herr." " That's not fair when a man's not looking." " So... you do not wish to continue?" " Best not." " Very well." "If you've had enough." "I quit to no man." "Why, you limey bastard!" "It was a most useful instruction." "Jolly game, boxing, ain't it?" "Great builder of character, they tells me." "I have to thank you for this." "Someday, Captain Flashman, since you are a man of the sword..." "I hope you'll come to Germany... where we Germans can show you how to fight with the saber." "Mr. Gully." "And now... again." "Encore!" "Oh, Lord, no." "Not again, for heaven's sake." "It's like making love under a coil of barbed wire." "Yes!" "Again." "En garde!" "Put that confounded thing down, damn you." "I'm tired." "No one-No one gets tired of me!" "Well, I do!" "You're-You're insatiable, you!" "I'm mistress in this house!" "It's my pleasure that counts!" "You call yourself a man!" " I never did." "Empty, thank God." " You get too tired of me, will you?" "I'll teach you to spurn Lola Montez!" "I don't need any teaching." "Find yourself some other idiot" "Is he the castrati?" "He's not wearing any" "You!" "What the hell?" "Allow me, ma'am." "Oh!" "That's her over there!" "I'll kill you for this, Lola Montez." "You Spanish strumpet!" "La-La-La-Ladies." "Gracious." "Oh, no." "Oh, my goodness." "Blood." "Blood." "That may let some of the wind out of her." "Madam Montez, as your legal adviser, I did warn you." "N" " Now you'll have to leave England at once." "This is attempted murder." "Very well." "Oh, dear." "Uh, hello?" "Uh, Captain- Captain Flashman." "Who's here?" "Anybody here by the name of Captain Flashman?" " Hmm?" " Hello, whoever you are!" " Oh." " Over here!" "Oh, yes." "Oh, yes." "Captain Flashman." " Hmm." " Well, pull up a hip bath." "What?" "Uh, no, thank you." "I... had a bath last month." "I take it, uh, Captain Flashman... that you haven't heard anything from Madam Lola Montez... since she had to leave the country so hurriedly... after that most distressing affair, hmm?" "Not a word, thank God." "You see, she writes to me asking me to find this Captain Flashman... and provide him with, well, very generous expenses... and requesting him to visit her in Bavaria." "What the deuce is Lola doing in Bavaria?" "Well, uh, from all accounts... she's, uh, well- She's ruling the place." "Mmm." "She is, in fact, the uncrowned queen of Bavaria." "A more apt term would be... she's the mistress of Bavaria." " You see, sir... when she left this country, Madam Montez traveled widely in Europe... appearing in, um, a professional capacity." "Her activities excited considerable attention... among some very highly distinguished personages... including His Majesty, King Ludwig of Bavaria." " He was much taken by her performance, I'm told." "I don't believe they're real." "No, no, no." "I meant the spiders." "In short, he became her devoted slave... and she-the virtual ruler of his kingdom." "Uh, well, in here, she instructs me... to pay you £500 in gold... and she requests that you visit her in Munich... in order to perform... a very delicate service for her." "Well, I'm damned." "Little Lola." "Munich." "Hmm?" "Thankee, son." "Herr Rittmeister Flashman, my privilege to welcome you to Bavaria." "Freiherr Rudi von Sternberg at your service." "Useful weapon this." "Quite new." "No doubt." "In the British army, of course, t'ain't a weapon that counts." "'Tis the man behind it." "How very fortunate for the British army." "But we mustn't waste time." "Lola can't abide to be kept waiting." "You seem to know her pretty well." " Well enough." " For a messenger boy, I mean." "Anything to oblige a lady." "I have other duties- when I feel like them." "Not a bad little cottage." " My chair, I think, Madam." "Oh, excuse me." "I believe you are even handsomer than ever." "And you're still the most beautiful girl in all the world." "What's, uh-What's this very delicate service I'm to perform for you?" "Hmm?" "You'll see." "Baroness Pechman." "How do you do?" " Overblown bag of blubber." " Mmm." " Oh, my bloody foot!" "I'm frightfully sorry." "Lola, let's go to bed, you and me." "Come on!" "You and me!" "You are tired, Harry." "You should lie down." "I'm good when I'm tired." "Let's make each other tired." "Come on, Lola!" "Very well." "Over here." "I know you find me irresistible." "Darling." "Darling Lola." "I'm at me very, very best when I'm tight." " In a moment." " Moment." "Oh, Lola." "Oh, Lola." "Lola." "Lola." " Ooh." " You're not Lola." "Get off!" "Fat slut." "Get away." "What do you want, you great randy cow?" "Oh, no." "Oh!" "No woman ever did that to me!" "No!" "All right then." "Since you're here." "Wha-Oh." "Wha" "Take your hand- that-away from me." "Stand still, you." " You're under arrest!" " What?" "For God's sake." "That's not a crime." "I demand to see the countess!" "The British ambassador?" "Ow!" "Ooh." "All right." "How dare you lay your hands on an Englishman, you cabbage-eating hounds!" "What am I supposed to have done, confound you?" "I don't know what you call it in English... but we have several names for it in German:" ""Indecent assault," "corruption of public morals"..." ""disorderly conduct."" "For your bestial behavior, you could go to prison for life... but there are more appropriate forms of punishment." "Huh?" "No." "Up, man!" "Run for it!" "Very good." "Sternberg!" "Sternberg!" " Sternberg!" " Coming!" "Shit!" " Wha" " Missed!" "But why didn't you come in through the door?" "Well, I do like to make an entrance." "You'll need this." "It's a long way." "But, damn it!" "Where are we going?" "Why the deuce must we come all this way?" "It ought to be safe by now." "It's never safe with villains like those after you." "Didn't I rescue you?" "Put your trust in me." "Oh, very well." "But I wish you'd tell me." " What's that?" " Schönhausen." "Friends of mine." "Ever read Frankenstein?" "Splendid stuff." "Come on." "You'll like it." "Better than those seedy hotels where they don't air the beds." "Oh, yes." "Now, you've met Kraftstein and De Gautet before." "Two members of the local friendly society... better known as the Brothers Grimm." " Bastard." " I'm sorry." "I'm afraid my "rescue"... was just a little comedy played out for your benefit." "Rather artistic, though, don't you think?" " And it did get you here quietly." " You kidnapped me!" "Welcome to Schönhausen, Mr. Flashman." "Please, sit down." "There." "You don't seem pleased to see me... but then why should you, hmm?" "There is a score to settle." "I still have a tooth missing." "But don't imagine that is why I had you brought to Germany." "Amazing as it may seem, Mr. Flashman, I need you." "Kraftstein, give him a brandy." "He will need it." "Tell me something, Mr. Flashman... in between your whoring... and your drinking... have you taken any interest in politics?" " Hmm?" " Politics?" "Well, I'm a Tory." "My governor was a Tory M.P. - until they found him out." "I am a politician." "Someday I shall be the statesman responsible for uniting... the present loose German states into a stronger Germany-into a Reich." "That is my destiny." "One of these little German states I wish to see incorporated in this Reich... is called Strackenz." "It's a small, independent duchy ruled over by a young and popular duchess." "Her name is Irma." "In two weeks time, she is to be married to a certain..." "Crown Prince Carl Magnus of Oldenburg." "He's Scandinavian." "It is vitally important for political reasons... for my plans, this wedding should take place." "You understand?" "By all means." "Splendid!" "Good luck to the happy couple." "There has been a serious complication." "The crown prince, an admirable young man in many ways... has been... foolish." "He has contracted a social disease." "A what?" "A social disease." "You mean he's got a dose of clap?" "Well, that's damned inconsiderate of him." "Ha!" "Still, boys will be boys." "Will you hold your imbecile tongue!" "Fortunately, there are very few people who know about his condition." "It will take several months to cure him... and this wedding must take place in two weeks." "Well, talk sense, man." "I mean, it can't... not if this prince fellow has Cupid's measles." "It will take place, Mr. Flashman." "It will." "I scheduled it." "You see... this is Crown Prince Carl Magnus." "No!" "No!" "You raving bloody lunatics!" "No!" "I see it all now." "You want me to take his place!" "I won't do it!" "Bloody Vandals." " You've ruined me." " We're making you stouter, too... like Carl Magnus." "Filled with oil, so be careful... when you strike a match, and on no account take your shirt off." "Astounding." "In effect, he is Carl Magnus- except for two small details." " What?" " The prince, as you see, has two dueling scars... one each side of his face." "Here... and here." "Souvenirs of his dueling days when he was a student at Heidelberg." " How do we give him those?" " Well, they must be permanent." "Oh, no!" "For God's sake, Bismarck." "Haven't you any decency left?" " I'll be maimed for life, disfigured." " Be quiet!" "You sniveling pig." "I'm not going to kill you." "A sip from the soup plate of honor will do you good." "And, remember... if it hurts at all, the pain has been paid for in advance... by your amiable friend, John Gully." "Well, I ain't gonna wear blinkers, damn ye!" "I salute you, you animal!" "Pish to you." "Distance." "Prepare." "Ow." "Stand still and only strike for the head." "Fight." "Halt!" "Faster, Mr. Flashman." "Much faster, please." "Fight!" "Halt!" "Good." "That was very good." "And now we do it for real!" "Really." "Real." "Fight!" "You-You bully, you!" "Blood." "Pick it up." "Pick it up!" "Or Kraftstein will cut the other one with a rusty saw." "Well, it ain't fair, damn you." "My skull's fractured." "Bastard!" "What kind of a man are you, Mr. Flashman?" " An Englishman." " An Englishman?" "Then hold him." "Hold him!" "Ow." "Ow!" "Excellent, hmm?" "Both to the inch, Herr Sternberg." "Leave the wounds open so that he scars properly." "I have the feeling our task will be easier." "You are beginning to behave like royalty already." "His Royal Highness, Prince Carl Ragna Adolphus Magnus... crown prince of Oldenburg... great-great-grandson of George III." "He's a vigorous and athletic young man... who walks with a military swagger... usually with his left hand in the small of his back." "He has an aristocratic manner, especially to his social inferiors... and a peculiar nervous habit of tugging at the lobe of his right ear... when he is puzzled or nervous." "But he never claws at his buttocks." "Royalty hardly ever do." "He is extremely fond of German wine, but never drinks claret... which, invariably, makes him sick." "He likes snuff, and he's expert at opening his snuff box with one hand... and taking a pinch." "Come on." "Hyah!" "Hyah!" "His Royal Highness is an enthusiastic player of billiards... pyramids and pool and is extremely expert at performing trick shots..." " for the entertainment of his friends." " Excellent." "He is also a skillful dancer... and takes special delight in the new Bohemian peasant dance, the polka... which he performs with the prettiest partners he can find." "Berlin, sir!" "Oh, God, Jesus." "Make it by." "Come on." "Down the wire!" "Enjoying yourself?" "He begins to look the part." " Just in time, I feel." "Hmm?" " He'll do." "Oh, he'll do." "Your education is over." "From this moment on, you begin to play your part in earnest." "Your life may depend on it." "The crown prince is not due to enter Strackenz until the day after tomorrow." "You will spend tomorrow night on the borders of the duchy in the château at Tarleheim." "Prost." "Oh, Kraftstein." "Ow!" "That's it." "Grovel, you commoners." "Welcome to Strackenz, Your Highness." "I trust Your Highness's journey was not too tedious." "No." "No, indeed." "Though I must confess, I counted the hours all the way." "Oh." "Was the weather cold on your journey?" "At times." "Sometimes it was quite warm... but nowhere as warm as it is here." "Oh, Your Highness is too hot." "Shall I order the windows open?" "Oh, Christ, no." "No." "I mean... the warmth of your welcome." "The people cheering." "Ah, yes." "The people." "They are rather noisy." "This is a passionate female." "She'll be tearing my trousers off in a minute." "Pay her a compliment, man." "Say something gallant." "Highness, may I say" "May I tell you" "You're the loveliest piece of tumble I've seen all year." "L" " I mean" "Your beauty- so, so pale." "Like mist in a cemetery." "Highness" "Shall we dance?" "What are we going to play?" " Turn back two pages." "Turn back two pages." " What?" "Ready?" "It was like dancing with a dead nun." "Heaven help the real Carl Magnus." "And on this historic day... we humbly- humbly... invite Your Royal Highness to inaugurate..." "Strackenz's first public locomotive... steam rail road train and carriages... traveling at speeds... in excess of 10 miles every hour." "What?" "Every hour?" "Your Highness." "Mmm." "Mmm." "Mmm!" "I have great pleasure... in declaring this locomotive..." "Steam rail road train... open!" "Sorry, Your Highness." "Get him outta here." "Get another bottle." "Get another bottle." "Your Highness." "Get him outta here." "Another bottle." "Sorry." "Get another bottle." "A crisis has arisen." "Oh, it's all right." "They'll find another bottle." "Ayoung Strackenzian nobleman has arrived in the city today." "His name is Eric Hansen." "He is coming to your wedding tomorrow." "So what?" "It just happens that this Hansen is the one man in the whole of Strackenz... who knows Carl Magnus intimately." "He was brought up at the Oldenburg court... and was the prince's playmate and companion." "What?" "My God!" "He'll see I'm a fake!" " He'll start" " Shh!" "Shh!" "Be silent, will you?" "There is no reason to suppose that he will not think you are the real prince." "He will only meet you for a moment at the presentations afterwards." "The vital thing is that you must pretend to recognize him." " Oh." " And say as little as possible." "When he comes up to you, you will shake him by the hand... and you will say, "Eric, my old friend, where did you spring from?"" "And then you will look delighted." "What happens if he sees through me... and starts shouting, "That ain't the real prince!"?" "What will you do then?" "I'll have done it..." "long before then." "Your Highness, we're ready for you." "Your Majesty." "Highness, thank you." "Thank you, sir." "Thank you." "Excuse me." "Thank you." "Eric, where did you spring" "It's open!" "Get me a brandy, for God's sake." "In nomine Patris et Filii... et Spiritu Sancti." "In nomine Patris et Filii... et Spiritu Sancti." " Amen." " Amen." "His Excellency the ambassador... from the government of the kingdom of Naples." "His Excellency Suleiman Pasha." "The Right Honorable Cassius Clay... ambassador from the government of the United States of America." "Count Otto von Bismarck Schönhausen." "On behalf of the Berlin parliament, greetings, Highness." "Bismarck, did he say?" "Haven't you had the honor of being presented to me before somewhere?" "I think not, Highness." "Oh, well." "These Central Europeans all look alike to me." "His Excellency the British ambassador." "Hansen." "Mr. Eric Hansen." "Eric, where did you spring from?" "Eric, where did you spring from?" "Spring!" "Where did you Eric from?" "Your Highness." "Dear Carl." "Old friend, I had to come to wish you joy- you and your beautiful duchess." "I... beg your pardon, Highness." "His Excellency the French ambassador." "And now- the royal photograph." "He knew I wasn't the real prince." "Suppose he talks." " No." "He wasn't sure at first." " Here." "But he doesn't suspect anything now." "Of that I'm certain." "My God, I hope so." "Oh!" "Anyway, we'll keep a close eye on Master Hansen." "He is one of the Strackenz Volsungs... dedicated to keeping the duchy out of Germany's clutches." "They run a secret organization... prepared to fly to arms the moment that they feel that the freedom... of their precious little country is threatened." "You can guess what they'll do to you if they find out about you." "Secret organization?" "But you didn't tell me anything" "Don't worry, Your Highness." "It won't happen." "You may as well lie back and enjoy your honeymoon... until the real Carl Magnus is ready to take over." "Come in." "Pardon, Highness." "Uh, the crown jewels." "We have to place them in safekeeping again-in the clock tower." "Ah." "Very efficient." "Come along, Your Highness." "We mustn't keep the duchess waiting." "I'm sure she's as eager to be on her honeymoon as you are." "Irma?" "Irma?" "Little wife." "There'll be no more singing downstairs." "We'll have a chorus up here instead." "Irma." "I'm not going to hurt you." " Oh." "Just once more." " Oh, my." "Oh, God." " Not again." " Oh, yes!" "A little more chocolate, my darling?" "It's so cold and misty outside." "We could stay indoors..." "all day." "Oh!" "Must you go boar hunting so soon- after only a week together?" "I think you've grown bored with me already." "This indigestion." "Promise you won't be long." "Will you think of me while slaughtering all those boars?" "Every moment." " Good morning, Your Grace." " Hmm!" "Let the hunt begin." " Release the hounds." " Aye, sir." "What?" "Hounds?" "Doggies." " Let's go, Dasher." " On, my proud beauties!" "Kill!" "Ain't the doggies found the boars yet?" "Hmm?" "This is considered the finest view in Strackenz." "Mmm." "It's called theJotunschlucht- the Giant's Cauldron." "You don't say." "De Gautet, we- We could talk about this." "Huh?" "Huh?" "Please, De Gau" " Oh, my heart!" " Huh?" "Well!" "You backstabbing rat, you!" "No!" "Murder me, would you?" "Please!" "It was Bismarck's order." " Please!" " Why did he want me killed?" "The story about Carl- Carl Magnus was all lies." "There was nothing wrong with him." "Bismarck put you in his place." "Then you were to be killed." "When your body was found" "They'd find papers in your pocket... proving that you were an English agent." " What could Bismarck possibly gain from that?" " Everything." "Strackenz would be in total confusion." "Germany would then have an excuse... to march in and take over the duchy." "Aye." "You can howl now." "A fat lot of mercy you showed me... and I bet you didn't show any to the real Count Magnus, heh?" " Where is he?" " He's alive!" "I swear it!" " Plea-Plea" " Where?" "Jotunberg Castle." "In-In the dungeon." "He was to be killed, also, after you." "You murderous jackal, you!" "You don't deserve to live another minute." "Please!" "Let me go." "So I will- down there." "Auf Wiedersehen, De Gautet." "Come to jolly Germany." "Cabbage-eating bastards!" "Come on." "Pull the rope tighter." "We'll make him talk." "They forced me to do it, I tell you." "Well, that fiend Bismarck- he stops at nothing." "Believe me, gentlemen." "So, my fine young English friend... you say you were compelled to impersonate the prince, Carl Magnus... and to marry our duchess... and this was a plot of the German, Count Bismarck." "Well, it's true." "On my honor." "They kidnapped me" "And my wife." "My real wife, that is." "And my little daughter." "They swore they'd kill them if I didn't agree to do it." "My own daughter, gentlemen." "My little..." "golden-haired Amelia." "Will I ever see her again?" "Oh, he's lying." "It can't be true." "The thing's impossible." "They cut scars on me... forced me to wear a monocle." "Now, look!" "Whether your story is true or false... you are a dead man... unless you tell us where the real Carl Magnus is." "In a dungeon in Jotunberg." "We must get him out of there before it's too late." "But we daren't attack." "They'll cut his throat at the sound of the first shot." "Aye." "Where a whole army is useless... two desperate men might succeed." "Now, if they swam the lake, stole into the castle undetected... one of them could make his way to the dungeon to protect the prince... while the other could lower the drawbridge." "Carl Magnus is my friend." "I'll go." "And who goes with you to die at the drawbridge?" " Honestly, I'm a rotten swimmer." " Silence!" "Either you die righting the wrong you've done, or you hang!" " Agreed?" " Yes." "Yes." "So." "We charge in... and we'll have Carl Magnus out alive, God willing." "Or there'll be no survivors of that garrison." "Hear!" "Hear!" "As for you, you have nothing to lose but your life." "Don't worry." "I'll find your kidnapped wife and daughter." "Take comfort." "That dear little golden-haired Amelia is always in my thoughts." "We'll have to swim most of the way." "How did you know that I wasn't Carl Magnus anyway?" "The saber scars on your head are in the wrong place." "So much for Bismarck's clever planning." "Conceited ass." "God help Germany when he's in charge." "We'll swim from here." " What?" " Follow me!" " God!" "It's freezing." " Go on!" "Go on!" "Aah!" "I've got cramp!" "I've got cramp!" "Save me!" "Save me!" "Sharks!" "Sharks!" "Quiet, you miserable coward, or I'll drown you myself!" "Swim this way, Crown Prince Flashy." "Come along." "There's a good chap." "You don't want to catch cold, do you?" "Who's your dead friend?" "Please." "Please, don't shoot." " It's Hansen." " Serve him right." " You're trembling, man." " I'm cold, sir." "Not as cold as he is." "Come on." "Out with you." "Kraftstein!" "Wolfgang!" "Into the dungeons!" "The Englishman's down there." "Flush him out!" "Kraftstein?" "Is that you?" "Someone's in the old torture chamber." "Oh, God." "Oh, God, get me out of this." "I swear, I'll be good for the rest of my life." "Who are you?" "My face." "Who are you, in God's name?" "I never looked like that." "Allow me to make the introductions, Highness." "Who is this man?" "What is he doing here?" "Until recently, he was Prince Carl Magnus." "But in fact, Highness, he's an Englishman... who has been kind enough to deputize for you during your holiday here." "You're trying to drive me mad." "If you have a spark of decency... then, for the love of heaven, tell me what you want!" "Gently." "Yes, Your Highness, all in good time." " May I?" " Oh." "Thank you." "Cheerful fellows, the old lords ofJotunberg." "When they got tired of you, they just chained you to one of these" "and... down you went." "It may console Your Highness to know that one of your friends... is already waiting for you at the bottom of the lake." "Hansen, his name was." "Eric Hansen?" "What have you done to him?" "He went swimming when there was an "R" in the month." "And now, with Your Highness's permission, we'll bid you good night." "You." "You with my face." "Why don't you speak?" "Good night, Your Highness." "All right, Kraftstein, you look after the original." "I'll take care of the forgery." " What are you going to do?" " Don't be nervous." "If I had wanted you dead, you'd have stopped twitching half an hour ago." "No, you and I are going to try out a little scheme of mine." "After you." "Now, look, what if Kraftstein were to meet with a fatal accident tonight, hmm?" "And the real prince went down the pipe into the lake?" "Shirt." "Oh." "Thank you." "What's to prevent you and me slipping back to Strackenz City... and you resume your rightful place on the throne... with your humble servant by your side?" " What a partnership." " What the hell are you driving at?" "Don't you see, man?" "Who would know you weren't the real prince?" "Just you... and me." "You'd be the virtual ruler of the duchy." "Do you know what its revenues amount to?" "Hmm?" "You're mad." "Stick my neck into that again?" "I'd rather be alive and..." "poor, thankee." "Where's your spirit, play actor?" "Hmm?" "Oh, I see what it is." " You don't trust me." " Well, now that you come to mention it." "But of course we don't trust each other." "That's the whole point." "We're both rotten, but we both know it." "All right." "All right." "But how do we get rid of Kraftstein?" "Spoken like an English gentleman." "Let's drink to our partnership." "Drawbridge." "Drawbridge." "Drawbridge." "Never hit a man when he's down." "He may get up." "Drawbridge." "Oh, blast." "Fire!" "Fire!" "Fire!" "To the front!" "To the front!" "Bad form to sneak away without saying good-bye." "Good-bye." "Not quick enough." "Really." "They stopped De Gautet this time, you know." "Aha!" "Don't like cold steel, do we?" "Ha!" "No!" "Don't shoot!" "Garlic." "Are you all right, you British?" " Stand and fight." " Why should I?" "So that you can show off your swordsmanship?" "Oh." "Mm-mmm." "Aha!" "Whoa!" " Come down and fight like a man." " Don't be ridiculous." "Hungarian pimp!" "Wh-Whoa!" "Ha-ha!" "Ha-ha!" "Please, no." "No." "Uh!" "Wha" "You can't run forever." "Stand to 'em, Kraftstein!" "They're only a pack of ploughmen." " Make a bridge." " What?" "Make a bridge." "Go on." "Son of a pig!" "Charge!" "Charge!" "The guards!" "Highness, the keys." "Well, stop biting." "Damn you." "Pax." "Pax." "I surrender." "Is that the way you English win your wars?" "Since when did you last fight fair?" "Well, I was fairly young." "In 1844." "No, you stupid bastard!" "Throw 'em at him, Highness." "No!" "I'm on your side!" "Grundwig, the door!" "Break that door down." "All right, you- Ow!" "Not that door." "This door." "Ow!" "Bad luck, old fellow." "You'll go together." "You can't get rid of me." "Spread out!" "I'll get you!" "Ow!" "Two birds with one stone." "Au revoir, Your Highnesses." "No!" "No!" "Not down the drain!" "Poor little golden-headed Amelia." "Was that what his name was?" "There are enemies of the state close behind me!" "Whoa!" "Get me a fresh horse!" "Food in the saddlebags." "I'm riding out!" "Open the door." "Come on." "I'm a prince." "No one to leave or enter the palace!" "Understand me?" " There's a rebellion brewing!" " Halt!" "Someone is trying to impersonate me!" "Don't let him in!" "Highness!" "It's the prince!" "It's the prince!" "He's safe!" "He's safe." "Oh, Carl!" "Carl, you're safe." "Oh, my darling!" "My darling, darling, darling, darling!" "Oh, Carl." "Where have you been?" "Are you all right, my dearest?" "There-There, there." "It's all right." "There's been a- There's been a-a plot." "Um, an armed rebellion." "But it's-It's all right now." "A plot?" "Against my duchy?" "Against us, my dear." "But don't worry." "It's all right." "Everything's all right." "It's finished, or nearly." "Who was it?" "Who dared?" "Oh, well, it was, uh- It was, uh, some chaps." "But, uh, my darling, I've got to leave you again." "Oh!" "Leave me?" "Oh, dear." "Oh, you're so thin." "Oh." " And your hair." " Oh." "Sunstroke." "Darling, don't worry." "It's nearly over." "There's only one thing I've got to do that only I can do- my duty to you, to Strackenz!" "Darling-Oh." "Darling, you must stay here and do your duty as a duchess, Duchess." "Oh." "Oh, I wonder if there's time." "No!" "No!" "I must go." "Darling, I must leave you." "I'll-I'll be back." "I love you." "My own prince." "I love you." "I really love her" "I think." "In a way." " Lieutenant!" " Highness." "There's been a threat to the duchess's life." "Take your soldiers, guard her apartment." "Yes, of course, Highness." "But our duty here-the crown jewels?" "Ah." " Lieutenant, you're not married?" " No, Highness." "Then perhaps you're..." "a lover." "Ah." "Then you understand." "Take good care of her for me, would you?" "W" " With my life, Highness!" "Ah!" "Highness." "Highness, allow me to carry that, if you please." "Josef, no, no, no." "You go to bed." "Good night." " But, Highness" " Good night, Josef." "Good." "Put it over there." "So, Strackenz is lost to us, hmm?" "For the moment." "With half Europe in the grip of revolution, that is no matter." "And that English thief is not beyond our reach." "Hmm." "If I know him at all... he will run to the last place we would think of looking for him." "Away from England." " Munich." " Precisely." "When you have disposed of him, you will report back to me, please." " Oh." " Already it is out of date." "I go to redraw it..." "in German script." "I have the feeling I shall be... busy for the next 30 years, hmm?" "Throw her out!" "Throw her out!" "Get Lola out of Munich!" " The bloody Spanish whore!" " Is Lola Montez still in the palace?" " The Lola Montez?" " That's her." " Whore!" " The vulgar, bloody fiend!" "You two move right back!" " Don't let her through." " Got a coach as well, have you?" " Make her bleeding'walk." " She's all right." "Stop the bloody coach." "Don't let her get away." "Walk the bleedin'earth." "Lola!" "Lola!" "Lola!" "It's me-Harry!" "Harry Flashman!" "Lola, wait!" "Get away!" "Leave me alone!" "It's me!" "Can't you see?" "Harry Flashman." " You?" "What are you doing here?" " Let me in, for God's sake." "I need your help." "Otto Bismarck's after me." "For God's sake." "I've got no money." " Whip up, driver." " It's all your fault." "Lola, I love ya, you selfish bitch." "You're raving!" "Get out!" "Get out of my sight!" "Stop, coachman!" "Lola?" "Lola!" "Did you change your mind?" "Harry." "Oh, Lola." "Harry." "I knew, in spite of everything, you'd never desert me." " How could I, my darling?" " Mmm." "Can you forgive me for what happened?" "Oh, that." "Hmm." "You've had your share of bad luck too." "Ungrateful swine, these kings." "I only wish I could help you." "But I'm penniless, you see." "I know." "Lola?" "Lola?" "Jesus!" "Thieving bitch!" "L" " I'm ruined." "Oh, Jesus." "I can never resist other people's correspondence." "Do join me." "Hmm?" "Dear Harry." "My need is greater than yours." "I trust we shall not meet again, and yet... dear, worthless Harry... there will always be a place for you in the heart of Lola Montez." "P.S. Courage." "And shuffle the cards." "What a woman." "You know, if I were a marrying man... she'd be the last female on God's earth for me." "Ah, well." "Good-bye." "A little game I've invented." "I think I'll call it Hungarian roulette." "Have a try." "You see, old fellow, when I kill you... it'll be because I want to... and not because Otto Bismarck says so." " You do see the difference?" " Oh, absolutely." "What are you gonna do?" "Go abroad, I think." "Bismarck's such a damn bore." "But then I suspect great men usually are." "What about you?" "Hmm." "That damn Lola's cleaned me out." "Ah, well, I've still got the 500 quid she gave me to come to Germany." "Well, it's better than nothing." "Yes, and as I always say... if you've got money in the bank and drink in the house... what more do you want?" "My turn, I think." "Hell's bells, Rudi!" "Somebody could have been killed!" "Well, that is the point of the game." "But I could have been killed."