"Come on, Philby!" "On her way, home!" "Good boy." "Get in the car, please." "Come on, love, it does no good." "You won't get away with it!" "We've become too successful, that's the problem." "You shouldn't have let 'em print our address in the newspaper." "They didn't exactly ask permission." "We're going to have to choose our cases carefully." "We never have to do that before." "... detective agency." "This one is not a case." "Right." "He only wants a photo of you in black leather." "What?" "That should be easy to satisfy." "Sorry, no callers at the house." "Put it in writing please and we'll give it our attention in due course." "So where are we going to get the black leather?" "Oxfam shop?" "All we've got to do, is take the ones with the least work, for the best pay." "How like a man!" "Well, I'm the accountant." "And we are a business." "I didn't go into this to make money." "Well, not just to make money." " I did it for the..." " For the interest." "You like puzzles, Mrs Wainthropp." "So do I." "She likes tidying people up." "I don't like mess." "People whose life have got into a mess." "Ask for help, it's right to help." "If you get the proper fee." "Now, this one here, look." "Decollage note paper with a crest." "A man of means who can afford to pay." "I never thought that I have to choose, reject people, all these letters and phone calls and more coming in all the time." "Oh!" "Second post." "Life is choice, Mrs Wainthropp." "Orh!" "Funny one here." "This is a poison pen letter." "It could be abusive, obscene." "It could accuse you of crimes you couldn't prove you didn't commit." "It could threaten to kill you or hurt your children." "That's sick!" "Damn!" "All right, I'm coming!" "Wainthropp Detective Agency?" "No callers at the house!" "You got my letter, I see." "You better come in." "There's no truth in it, Mrs Barnsby." "None at all." "I hardly need to tell you that." "Obscene lies." "Filth!" "Just like all the others." "I don't know what to think, Mr Winterton." "Copies seem to being sent everywhere, it's very embarassing." "I can't talk to Tommy about it in any depth." "It would take a trained social worker." "All he says is" ""Everyone knows I'm his favourite"." "Meanwhile, it seems better to keep him out of school." "Why should you pay for an investigation?" "Because I'm the prime suspect." "Repressed middle-aged spinster living alone watching the village from her upstairs window." "Classic case." "What are you repressing?" "Disappointment mainly at a wasted life." "I was an accountant." "Good at my job." "But the firm was taken over and I was made redundant." "I came back to the village to look after my parents." "They died and left me reasonably comfortable, so I can well afford to employ you." "How much were you thinking?" "Six hundred." "Three hundred now and three hundred when the job's done." "Have you had any of these poison pen letters yourself?" "Yes, some of them actually accusing me of writing the letters." "But, they could have been from anyone." "Six hundred and no knowing how long it will take?" "With all the publicity, we have a lot cases offered." "When you think what we're in a position to charge..." " We'll accept the case." " Eh?" "It's not a question of money, it's a question of need." "There'll be expenses on top, but we're not extravagant." "I can't see why the police can't help." "You think they'll be able to do something." "It's an impossible job." "Local postmark." "Means they were posted anywhere in the Ackersley area." "Fingerprints." "Lots on the envelope, none on the actual letters." "He or she wears gloves." "Paper?" "You can buy anywhere." "They have to licked the stamps." "There's something in spit." "DNA?" "Have you any idea how much a DNA test of the whole village would cost?" "And we can't force people to give samples." "It's not a custodial crime." "A nuisance, not a felony." "Nuisance?" "There's folks left their homes." "I have to see a couple tomorrow, about to move out to a flat in Preston." "There's marriages broken, there's a woman on tablets for her nerves." "Can you prove she won't be on tablets anyway?" "Ah...." "The Sergeant at Ackersley is doing his best, but as you say, it's a low priority." "I say?" "!" "And we haven't the time or the money." "Anyway, this isn't a case for forensics." "It's not logical, it's psychological." "Twisted motives." "Think laterally." "Don't get me wrong, Mrs Wainthropp." "I'm delighted you're taking it on, but er, I tell you frankly." "You're on a hiding to nothing." "Aaah!" "Six jobs on hold, all paying better money." "I was thinking." "You and me might take on one of the other cases." "Ourselves." "We'll have to tell her." "Not immediately." "I've never kept anything from her, you know." "At least, not very often." "Nothing really important." "If you're a detective, who is paying you?" "I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to reveal the name of my client." "You don't need to go to Shepton Fell to find out who's writing the letters." "It's Miss Allowby." "Done, at £500 a week." "His name's Harold Skimmer." "We'll need transport." "Ah ah, not a car, Jeffrey." "Now once and for all, we just can't afford." "It's an investment!" "We could use the reward money." "That £15,000 has gone into the building society to top up my much depleted redundancy money." "What's wrong with your friend's scooter?" "We can't always rely on it." "She sometimes uses it." "Well find out if she'll sell it to us." "We might be able to afford that." "Right." "If you can get it cheap enough." "How do you know it's Miss Allowby?" "Who else would it be?" "She watches everyone." "Selling your house and moving in to town?" "It's a big step." "We haven't sold it yet." "What did the letters accuse you of doing?" "Personal matters." "Private." "Lies!" "They're late." "People don't think, I've got a child to collect from school." "If they were all lies..." "Miss Allowby wouldn't have seen anything because there'll be nothing to see." "What she saw, she made something of it." "But there was nothing, okay?" "We've only been here two years." "We wanted fresh air and scenery for the children." "Then the letters." "Just insults at first." "Calling names." "Yuppies and such." "Then worse." "Sick." "And at the end, copies sent all over." "You can see everything from that bloody window." "And the village people, look at me, talking." "Quarter to three." "What kind of time is that?" "If people is serious about buying a house, you'd think they'd be punctual." "Here's a car." "I'll go walk on the streets for a while and ask about." "It's all local." "Coconut ice, that's old village." "The mango surprise is new village." "It doesn't sell." "I remember the village shop when I was a girl." "[indistinct] in a jar." "Oh gobstoppers, liquorice [indistinct] and sherbet [indistinct]." "Those days are gone." "We mustn't hanker." "Have you made a decision?" "Oh, the fudge." "They're mixing then, do they, the old and the new?" "They mix mixing in might be oversaying in the situation." "Pound of fudge, you said?" "Half a pound." "Gift-wrapped?" "It is extra, but worth it." "Gift-wrapped?" "Huh huh." "I was just wondering who mainly receives these poison pen letters." "Old or new villagers?" "Oh yes?" "You're from some bloody newspaper, arent' you?" "Pardon my French." "Do I look like a reporter?" "They come in all sizes." "They've been here then, asking questions?" "We prefer not to talk to reporters." "It's a private matter between ourselves." "That will be £3.50." "Including the gift box with mordern view." "I'm not a reporter." "Only came to see the village." "Mrs Harrow gave me a lift from Preston." "She told me about the letters." "Their business." "Call woman or something like that, everyone know it." "Something like what?" "Black lace came into it, that's what I've heard." "And latex underwear." "And you believed it?" " No, oh no!" " Oh no." "The new villagers are yuppies." "People with jobs in town." "Paid off ... houses because it's an area of scenic beauty." "And the old villagers?" "Put up a living from traditional village occupations." "Mostly farming I suppose." "Oh, bed and breakfast, gift shops, jobbing, gardening, cleaning." "Living off welfare." "It's all sheep around here." "They're not labour intensive." "What's this?" "Hague a la bou..." "Ah ah, better not." "She sees these things on TV, but they never seemed to come out right." "There's some scrag end not gone off yet, at the back of the fridge." "With a hog pork." "You never get tired of hog pork." "It's safe and entirely free from additives." "Ah!" "She's home." "How are we gonna tell her?" "Straight out." "Best way." "Have a good day, luv?" "Aw, you look tired." "Shall I get you some Dubonnet?" "We've got something to tell you." "Oh, can't it keep?" "Mrs Harrow been bending me ear all afternoon." "Straight out you said, Mr Wainthropp." "Straight out what?" "It's not important really." "Yes, it is!" "You... you remember the er the decollage note paper ...th-th-the man of substantial means." "Oohf..." "Jeffrey and me er are underemployed at the moment." "And with so many cases pending, ...there's an effect on cash flow." "They need our services, Mrs Wainthropp, and they're not going to wait forever." "There's nothing for us to do here while you're out on your own, so we've taken on a case." "I'll have that Dubonnet now." "We'll come to the "decollage" gentleman in a minute, one case at a time." "Think laterally, the DCI said." "I'm not sure I know how to go about it." "Well you lie in your bath with your eyes closed and say the first thing that comes into your head." " Is that really it?" " Yeah." "We've no room here for that kind of behaviour." "If you don't mind me saying, Mrs Wainthropp, why are you keeping this case to yourself?" "I'm not, we're discussing it!" "Discussing is not the same as doing it." "Mrs Harrow wouldn't have talked freely in front of you, Jeffrey." "Do any of them talk?" "No." "None come to think of it." "Who's writing these letters?" "Whose turn next?" "Does everyone get them?" "Can't tell." "They keep it to themselves until it's public and then say it's all lies." "It may have something to do with old villagers and new villagers." "New villagers mainly get them." "I've too little to go on." "And I don't know how to find out." "That's lateral thinking." "You have to get one yourself." "Get what?" "If you were one of them, persecuted like on the receiving end, they might trust you." "You haven't even lay down on the floor yet." "I'll have to be living in the village though, wouldn't I?" "Temporary." "You've heard." "Everybody's heard." "People said you write the letters." "How could I have known..." "the details?" "There are no details." "It's not true." "Nothing happened." "If you say so." "What am I to do?" "Now, the decollage gentleman." "Ah." "He's thinking of g-..." "He's thinking of getting married." "It's a serious intention." "He wants us to check up on the lady in question." "We don't do divorce." "They're not even married yet." "It will end in divorce." "Bound to if he's already checking up on her before they're wed." "No, he saw a program on telly." " Alright." " They do it in America." "Hire a private eye to make sure your intended is the faithful type." "How?" "Well, the way it's usually done you." "Get someone to make themselves agreeable like and if she responds..." "You might call it  entrapment." "In the nicest possible way." "Ya." "And which of you two clowns will be making himself agreeable?" "Anyway, you can't start immediately." "I shall need Jeffrey to go to the reference library first." "Bed and breakfast?" "Don't you remember me?" "I came yesterday to look at the village." "I was fascinated, it's got such possibilities." "I thought you were one of them reporters." "A painter." "Tara Hall." "Perhaps you've heard of me." "No." "How surprising is that?" "I've quite a reputation among Royal Academy circles." "But perhaps you don't get to the Royal Academy quite as often as you might like." "Painters come in summer." "We don't get winter painters." "Well I'm on a field trip." "Just a sketch pad, camera, and change of undies." "I'm used to travelling rough." "Yes, rocks are my speciality." "There's a card in your window, "The Old Forge"." "The Old Forge never do B and B in the winter." "They've got his mother with them." "Glick Cottage she might get in if she don't mind mice." "I do mind mice." "Good morning." "Miss Allowby will know." "She knows everything." "This lady is a painter of rocks, looking for B and B." "Tara Hall." " Rocks?" " Yes." "Rocks!" " Yes." " Yes!" "I think I've heard of you." "Wasn't there something in the Sunday papers?" "Maybe." "Beryl Pacey might take her." "They've converted the pigeon loft." "That's right, they have." "Bed and breakfast starting this summer, but they might take one early." "All their defences went up the moment you came into the shop." "I've told you, they think I write the letters." "Where did you get your artistic patters?" "Very good." "Jeff looked it up in the reference library." "The Beginner's Background to Modern Art in ten easy lessons." "Through here to the bathroom and toilet." " Oh yes." " I hope you like a shower." "Shut up Bertie." "Shoo!" "Shoo!" "That's Bertie." "We couldn't bear to have him put down." "He keeps trying to get back in again." "Let me know if there's anything you need." "I will, thank you." "I'm sure you'll be very comfortable." "They're good people." "How long will it take before everyone in the village knows I'm here?" "Hmm, old village by this evening." "New village don't always notice." "I need them to trust me." "Unlikely." "I thought if I was to get one of the letters." "Good." "Good!" "I'll write it myself." "I brought some of that cheap notepaper and a black pen." " No." " No?" "It wouldn't be convincing." "You'll never bring yourself to write the words." "I'll do it." "I'll do it now." "I'll have it in the post by half past four." "Just as well I can iron shirt." "Will you be taking that bit of cotton wool off before we get there?" "Hmm?" "Oh!" "Is it alright if I come in and sit?" "You are that reporter." "Painter." "Of rocks." "We know that now." "I didn't." "Then you must be a newcomer." "I wouldn't say that." "Five years." "Twenty more and you may begin to call it that." "Twenty more years, George, and you'll be dead." "We'll be the old villagers then." "I'm Janet Bransby." "Tara Hall." "I'll er, I'll put you on the grapevine for one bit of news anyway, Janet, cause I know it'll interest you." "John Winterton." "I've heard." " This is..." " Mr Cullimore." "We've met." "Who's John Winterton?" "A teacher at the school where Janet and the boys used to go." "Tried to end his life." "Coward's way out." "Good Lord decide when it's your time to go." "We're famous for apple's cake and parking." "True test of the north." "Yeah." "Yeah, you told us." "I'm a good catch, you see." "Those were Mother's very last words." ""You're a good catch, Harold, for any young lady"." ""You must be wary."" "Yeah." "You've said." "Every Friday they go out, the four of them." "Girl's night." "Old school friends." "Right." "They're all married." "She's divorced." "Can Mr Wainthropp see her through the window, do you think?" "Club don't have windows, Mr Skimmer." "Is she enjoying herself a little too much?" "Dancing close to strangers and such." "Aye, I never thought when I first saw her on the cosmetic's counter that it would come to this." "They wouldn't let me in!" "Members only." "Good morning." "There's a letter for you." "Nobody knows I'm here." "Didn't you leave a forwarding address?" "I'm a free spirit, Mrs Pacey." "Anyway I didn't even know where I was gonna be staying." "Local postmark." "This is vile." "There's been a mistake made." "It's addressed to you." " I'll tear it up." " No, no, no." "No, I'll keep it." "You don't seemed to be much surprised." "We are surprised." "Having me getting the letter, yes, but, you seemed to know what kind of thing it was before I opened it." "What you're asking is have we ever had one like it?" "It's part of what I'm asking, yes." "No we haven't." "But we know folks that have." "I went for a walk around the village last night." "I went up to the church." "They told me what happened to the head teacher at the school." "Huh." "Nothing happened to him." "He did it himself." "He was never what you might call a practical motorist." "His car ran out of petrol before the carbon monoxide could kill him." "Doesn't seem to be much sympathy for him in the village." "Oo, I suppose they believe what was in the letter." "Was it true?" "There is a history." "But it was long ago  and nothing more than affectionate behaviour." "Here he's kept out of trouble and done a good job, until the letter started." "Kept on... got worse." "Why do anything like that is beyond me." "Sorry to shock you." "But I wanted you to know what you're up against." "John Winterton's were horrible." "They terrified him, yet inflamed his imagination." "He cracked under the stress and did something rather stupid." "Then the last letter arrived." "Copies to the boy's mother, the local paper, and the police." "You seemed to know a lot about him." "Knowing about people is my hobby." "Oh I wish I could draw." "I know art is suppose to be funny these days, but not as funny as this." "Oh, I brought you something." "A map of the village... on my own computer... showing where everyone lives." "Who's old village, who's new village and who, as far as I can tell, has heard from poison pen." "These letters and the copies made, just five so far are they always the truth?" "I can't say for all cases." "John Winterton was true." "And that Mrs Harrow I had a feeling..." "Gentleman callers in the afternoon." "Drive me into Preston will you?" "I'll get a taxi back on expenses." "I don't know how to begin." "The way Mr Skimmer did it." "He was bringing his mother's prescription in regularly, just fell into conversation." "Is there any chance it could be true?" "Why should I answer?" "Because whoever sent those letters, forced you out of the village." "and I'm trying to find out who it was." "There's every chance it could be true." "Now please get out of my way." "You knew what was going on." "I don't think you understand our kind of marriage, Mrs Wainthropp." "Let's just say there may be faults on both sides, but we have two children that we both loved." "And now if you'll excuse me." "This is a working lunch." "I'd like a glass of Dubonnet and a Scotch Shake please." "Cat got your tongue?" "My throat has gone dry." "What're you trying to say?" "I had it all worked out before I came in." "Just give me a minute." "Oh, it's that thing." "I expect so." "What?" "There's no need to be embarassed." "Young fellow me lad." "Not in these day and age." "They're over by the pharmacy." "Gossamer light." "A whole display unit." "Just pick up a packet and pay." "Nobody will think anything of it." "Thank you." "Wuh, it's been a long day." "You don't get much light to do painting in the winter." "Enough." "Give me time to brood." "About rocks?" "No, I've been brooding about my poison pen letter." "I can't make it out." "My first full day in the village." "I thought I might talk to some of the other folk about them." "You can talk if you like." "You'll find they won't." "See ya." "I don't think she recognizes either of us in a romantic light." "She called me young fellow me lad." "She called me grandpa." "I'm afraid so, Jeffrey." "When it comes to entrapment, you're too young and I'm too old." "We'll have to find somebody more suitable." "Harrows left the village." "Davenport's left the village." "Winterton took to suicide, still in hospital." "Parmby." "Accident with farm machinery." "That leaves one." "The old villagers look after their own, usually." "Get someone in the ..." "and you are bound to it." "Well I had nobody to exert that kind of pressure." "Put something in it, won't you please." "Or the fire will go out." "Why did you stay?" "Nowhere else to go." "Any road." "What's to hide." "I still get the letters, you know." "Poison pen?" "It's a comfort in a way." "Nobody else writes to me." "What do they say?" "Just general abuse." "But he puts a £10 note in the envelope." "He?" "Well a woman wouldn't send me money." "Why don't you find yourself a bird sanctuary somewhere down south." "That pigeon kept me awake these past two hours." "Jim's just feeding him now, huh." "Oh, there's a..." "Oh, so there is." "Two days in a row." "I find that interesting." "If that's Mr Skimmer again, I'm lying down with a sick headache." "Wainthropp Detective Agency." "It's not Mr Skimmer." "I want to take a packed lunch today." "I want to ask around the village." "The poison pen seems to have taken a fancy to me and I want to know more about him." "Her." "Why her?" "Always is, ain't it?" "What do I say?" "Buy something expensive and tell her she meet you." "You could have done that." "When it came to the test, he found he couldn't." "Has it got organic collagens for after-shave moisturizing?" "Full of them." "And a delicate, yet totally masculine fragrance to enhance personal freshness." "While we're on the subject," "I think you're beautiful." "Would you like to come out with me?" "Sorry, I'm already spoken for." "Oh." "Not a bag, I'll just stuff the er..." "Wait." "Take your glasses off." "How about this evening?" "I heard your husband had an accident with a tractor." "Farm's a dangerous place when your mind is distracted." "Spanner, please." "I hope you won't take it amiss, but from what I've heard, there was talk of fraud." "Talk's cheap." "There was nothing proved." "I can see it's not easy for you." "Oh, I'm not so badly off now." "We got the insurance and I've sold the mill quota." "It was my husband trying to hang on to the farm." "But she's still here." "We will be when I've sold it." "Sixty." "Seventy." "Eighty." "Ninety." "It's not enough, Mr Wainthropp." "A hundred?" "Don't worry, Mr Skimmer." "They will be under our expert surveillance the whole evening." "Afternoon." "Is Tara Hall staying here?" "I'm her nephew." "Make it hundred and fifty." "The Sergeant at Ackersley had a letter from our anonymous friend this morning." "Keep your grass off my patch." "They think like a landscape gardener." "Technical terminology?" "Grass, the informer, patch, the territory." "Right." "I've been hurt once already in me life, Kev." "I've had a bad marriage." "And a breakup that's painful." "You can't blame me for wanting somebody rich, but steady." "I don't." "If its only twenty nine, everybody thinks you must be old at thirty." "But I am only 29, Kev." "I've got to put my glasses on, we keeping bumping into people." "Bump!" "It adds to the excitement." "All me friends have settled for boring marriages." "If you're a woman, you make your own amusement in this town." "I'm sure I've seen those two before." "What could they be doing in a place like this?" "Selling drugs, probably." "They look the criminal type." "The trouble is, my mother doesn't understand me." "This job you do, stock control, you said, in a cardboard box factory." "Aye?" "How could you possibly afford to spend so much money taking me out?" "If we had proper transport, we'd be dry." "Oh, go away you loathsome bird and stop distracting me." "Oh!" "I'm too old for this game." "It's logic I need." "I think I missed something." "I've been doing some lateral thinking." "It's murder getting up." "You were five months pregnant and you have nobody to exert pressure and make the father marry ye." "I didn't really liked him much anyway." "So what were you gonna do?" "She's a witch." "She knows ways." "How to get rid of a baby." "With herbs and such." "And when the letter arrived and all those copies..." "Well, everybody knew, so I thought I might as well have it." "Thank you, Mandy." "At first, I thought it was to do with old and new villagers." "No, it won't." "Both get letters." "Then I realized, it's naught to do with poison pen either." "Not in the usual sense." "Explain, please." "The letters most people get in the beginning are just a smoke screen." "All lies." "But the final letters hit the truth." "And they get results." "Tom Parmby's death was an accident." "Easy to arrange with a tractor." "Better than going to prison." "And they collected the insurance." "And what's the result for Mandy?" "She didn't get rid of the child." "She gave birth to it." "And she's rearing it." "You've come a long way in a short time." "I've come further since." "It's all about controlling people." "Somebody making herself responsible for the whole village." "You think it's a woman?" "I do." "Dishing out punishments." "Laying down the law." "And disguising it all behind poison pen letters." "You never expected me to solve this case." "Because even if I did, I'll never be able to prove it." "And meanwhile, you've been the one to call in a detective." "Proof of innocence, Miss Allowby." "You've decided I'm the poison pen?" "Yes." "Very good!" "Classic." "The person who calls in the detective is really the criminal all the time." "Classic plot for a detective story." "Doesn't mean it isn't so." "Do you want to know the real reason I came to you?" "Yes, I do." "I knew weeks ago who the poison pen is, but I couldn't prove my case either." "And since I'm already the prime suspect, nobody would believe me." "But if the super grand sleuth were to point the finger at the poison pen, that's another matter." "You've been using me." "If you like." "I don't like it." "You've been making a fool of me, Miss Allowby." "And I don't like it at all." "Oh, please!" "Don't undervalue yourself." "You've come further in three days on your own than I did in three months with a lot of help." "And you are right." "It is all about control." "Though I'm not the controller." "What help?" "I gather facts." "Put them out over the Internet on my computer." "I've friends there." "My only friends." "We consult, compare similar cases." "Reached a decision." "Now I need you to do what I can't do." "Confront the real poison pen using my evidence." "Who?" "Keep your grass off my patch." "That's police language, Mr Cullimore." "I don't expect you to understand." "Try me." "A village policeman knows everything if he can read the signals." "I only used my knowledge when I needed to and I kept my village in order." "Then, they retired me." "Took it all away and left me to rot." "There was still work to do, you could help people." "Oh I do help people!" "I help the school kids with their reading." "Keep the church all tidy, bell ringing, help folks with their [indistinct] when they grow [indistinct]." "Helping folks my middle name." "And the letters?" " Was that helping?" " It was." "People need keeping in order, they're happier." "We don't have a village policeman now." "There's still a job to do." "Those letters were vile." "The language." "I felt sick." "I knew what to write." "You feel no shame, do you?" "I was doing my duty." "I always will." "You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs." "I don't think you'll be making any more omelettes in Shepton Fell, Mr Cullimore." "No." "Go away now, please." "Gave me the final check before I left." "Not bad for a week's work." "And the decollage gentleman?" "There's been a bit of a problem." "We've not been paid." "We were too successful." "She gave Mr Skimmer the push and Kevin's moved in with her." "Mr Skimmer says he may sue us." "Let's say it's left you feeling a bit dirty." "Maybe a bit." "As if you've been used." "You could say that." "It's the same with me." "We shall have to choose our cases more carefully from now on." "Go old boy." "Go on." "Home!"