" Jackson." " Larry." "I'm a little parched." "You're "parched"?" " Is that okay?" " Yeah, go right ahead." " Is there a problem, Larry?" " No." "I just like polar torso flexes." " Do you?" " Yes, I do." " Are you making fun of me?" " No." "The truth is, I was just admiring your posture." "If I could just learn to walk like that." "Have I got it?" "What are you doing?" " Nothing." "Just..." " He's trying to look like me." "No, it's not that." "No?" "I'm sorry." "My mistake, Larry." "Could you two please cut out the um, the um nonsense?" " Ally?" " Yeah?" "LARRY:" "Ally?" " Yeah." "Right." " Let's go." "LARRY:" "Ally?" "VONDA SINGS:" "I've been down this road" "The Obstacle Course" "Walking the line That's painted by pride" "And I have made mistakes in my life" "That I just can 't hide" "Oh, I believe I am ready" "For what love has to bring" "I got myself together" "Yeah, now I'm ready to sing" "I've been searching my soul tonight" "I know there's so much more to life" "Now I know I can shine a light" "To find my way back home" "Oh, baby, yeah" "Oh, yeah" "First up, Moore versus McGrath." "Trial begins today." "I took it out of compassion." "Not to mention the enormous retainer." "Ally, if you could, I'd be in your debt." "Oh, Richard." "Trial starts today?" "He wants us." "Pleadings are coming." "You'll meet at the courthouse." "What's the case?" "Our client fell for a woman through an on-line dating service." "When they met, it didn't work out." "She's suing for fraud." "Read the complaint on the way." " Next up, Michael Puttnick." "JACKSON:" "That's me." "He's being sued for allegedly ruining a wedding." "I could use some backup on this." " John?" " No, I can't." "I'm in a lull." " Excuse me?" " I am in a lull." "Just move along, Richard." "Anybody here lull-free?" " Mark?" " Nelle and I have the Roberts trial." " Lingo?" " Why can't you do it?" "Is it a rule that you don't work?" " John?" "Cassandra Lewis is here." " What?" " Who's Cassandra Lewis?" " John's L.A. Wattle." "What's she doing here?" "I don't know." " Cassandra?" " Hi, John." "I was in the neighborhood." "Do you mind?" "No, of course not." "I'm delighted." "What brings you to Boston?" "I just came to see you." "Okay." "Well that's great." " Shall I go?" " No, I'm just..." "Under the heading of "Life Is Too Short" 3000 miles is only 3000 miles." " See, and you're here to..." " Pursue you." "Sort of." "At the very minimum, I thought I'd get a nice lunch." "Well, okay." "Let's have lunch." "Well..." "Well, okay." "Ally?" "Larry." "Hey." "Hi." " Hey." " Why are you here?" "A silly trial." "My client is suing for a bad date." "What?" " I'm not making it up." " No, I know." "I'm representing the defendant." " Excuse me?" " Great." " Why didn't you tell me...?" " I just got it." "Why didn't you?" " I got it the day before yesterday." " Well..." "Oh." "So when your client switched counsels, so did ours because he wants us, because he knew that we were up against you and..." "Why'd he do that?" "I beat you." "You've never beaten me." " Hello!" "Yeah, I beat you." " Even if you have, you won't win this." " You don't think?" " No." "Suing for fraud based on appearance?" " Did you read the complaint?" " Wager!" " Name it." " One-hour foot rub." " Two." " You got it." "You can't sue somebody because you don't like how he looks." "Hark, I hear the roar of a client." "Ally McBeal?" "Hi." "Are you Douglas McGrath?" "A pleasure." "Thanks for taking my case." "I really appreciate it." "Sure." "Michael was there as my friend, even." "As a close friend." "It was important that he be at the wedding." "So of course I was horrified I tell you, when it happened." "Horrified." " You were "horrified"?" " I'm not comfortable with that." "Why were you "horrified"?" "He objected." "He raised his hand and said "Stop!" I was horrified!" "I believe the minister asked the congregants if they knew a reason why you shouldn't be joined together." "That's ceremony talk." ""Ceremony talk."" " Commentary." " He didn't mean it." " He didn't mean it?" " No, they always say that." "Nobody actually objects." "Except for him!" "JACKSON:" "You were "horrified."" " Not comfortable." "JACKSON:" "You went through with it?" " But it was ruined." " It was ruined?" " Yes." " Commentary." " A wedding has to be perfect." "We hire people to make it perfect." "We spend thousands on dresses and flowers to make the thing unforgettable." "We pay a photographer to be in our faces to capture all that perfection." "So when an ex-boyfriend leaps up during the ceremony and yells, "Stop!" things cease to be perfect." "The rest of the vows were exchanged over a murmur." "A "murmur"?" " Yes, a whispering murmur." " Discomfort." "350 guests mumbling with delight that it wasn't perfect." "It went off with a hitch, and I am damaged!" "Look at me!" " What's the big deal?" " She flew across the country for me." "You don't see the problem?" "She is pursuing me." " I thought you liked her." " I do!" " So why are you so upset?" " Because I am." "Now that you've clarified it." "John." "I'm sorry." "I shouldn't have come." " I'll have lunch with you." " Get out!" "Why?" "You'll tell me anyway." " Out!" " Fine." "I didn't mean..." "I took a silly chance." "I'm sorry." " Cassandra, I am drawn to you." " You don't have to explain." "Yes, I do." "I just broke up with a woman a month ago." "I proposed marriage to her." "I mean, even if I were capable of bouncing back into a saddle it wouldn't be fair to her." "Well, do you plan to get back with her?" "No." "I don't think so." "But that's not really the point." "Well, what is the point?" "A relationship, if it's a good one, and this one was..." "I mean, there should be a mourning period." "I suspect you didn't fly across country for a sexual frolic." "Did you?" " No." " Do you understand what I'm saying?" "Well, I'm not sure." "If you're telling me you're not ready to have a relationship then I understand." "If you're not allowing yourself to be in that place then I go back to the original heading of my trip." "Life is short, John." "You have no idea." "Well, wait." "I said I'd have lunch." "One of the reasons why I engaged in an on-line dating service the men I met were only interested in appearance." "Appearance wasn't important?" "No, Douglas and I didn't share pictures." "We never even talked about how we looked." " Okay." "So, what happened?" " Well I had no idea he was a little person." "LARRY:" "That made a difference?" "MOORE:" "Yes." "That kind of physicality is so material." "He should have told me." " How long did you E-mail?" " Six months." "You never knew what you two looked like?" "It's why I fell in love with him." "He didn't care." "I know it's not politically correct, but I can't see myself with a dwarf." "LARRY:" "So things didn't work out." " But why sue?" " Well, as time went on I got angry." "I fell in love with this man." "I quit my job and left Illinois." "He misrepresented himself." "And I suffered emotionally and financially." "I've been advised to be big about it and drop it." "But I can't." "He committed a fraud." "He shouldn't escape responsibility just because he's little." "So you E-mailed for six months?" "Every day." "Talked about all the things you had in common." " Yes." " Did he mislead you about any of that?" " No." " Made you laugh?" "He did." "ALLY:" "You found him sweet, sensitive?" "MOORE:" "I loved everything about him but I assumed he was of normal height." " Did you ask how tall he was?" " No, and he never told me." "ALLY:" "But you said looks weren't important." "Yes, but if he's disabled..." "You think he's disabled?" "Technically, I know he's not." "But he's three feet tall, for God's sake." "He must have foreseen..." "You know what we looked forward to the most?" "A simple walk in the park." "More than anything else." "More than sex." "He described the Boston Common and how on a spring day we'd walk through the park, hand in hand two anonymous people in love." "You can't do that?" "It just changes things when you're gawked at." "After you met in person, did you go out at all just in case there was a chance that you could get by this obstacle?" "No." "I could never." " Hey." " Hey." "Okay, so I just finished talking to her lawyer." "They're willing to drop everything for basically $ 10,000." "Which covers her relocating, plus lost wages because she quit her job." "I think we should accept." "A judgment could come back for a lot more." "No." "I'm being sued for being a little person." "No." "You are being sued for misleading her." "On the assumption that nobody could really love me." "I think we should look at the merits of the case and not be blinded by hurt feelings." "My father got shot out of cannons for a living." "He'd always tell me no normal-sized woman would ever love me." ""We're freaks." I refused to buy into that." "Whatever happens when this case is over I'll walk out of court with my head held high." "It was nothing I planned." "I went there even happy for her." "Well, I'm not clear as to why you leaped up in protestation sabotaging the memory of the ceremony causing immeasurable distress." "Excuse me." "This is a deposition." "There is no jury so you needn't bother with remarks designed for a jury." "There was a hint of scoff there." "I'm gonna object." "We'll be here all day." "Why'd you yell, "Stop"?" "I didn't plan to." "But when he asked if anybody knew a reason I knew a reason." " Which was?" " I loved her." " And she loved me." " Why'd you break up?" "I'm not comfortable with you asking my questions." "MICHAEL:" "We love each other." "I used to love you, Michael." "Now I love Warren." "He's rich, what else do you love?" " A lot." " Discomfort." "I object." "Do you think her wedding was a time...?" "It was speak now or hold your peace." "But it was my wedding, and you ruined..." "I should have stayed quiet out of ceremony?" "Out of courtesy?" "Give up on the love of my life to be polite?" "They say if a person is lucky lucky, he will meet one person in a lifetime that he can love and live compatibly with." "My person is you, Sylvie." "I just..." "I wasn't gonna let you go and assume another love would come along." "It doesn't work that way." " So that's why you came here?" " Pretty much." "I was thinking of you more and more, so I said, "Go visit him."" " And the idea of calling first?" " You might have said, "Don't."" "I didn't want to decrease the odds of seeing your face." "When you got in that car and drove off all I kept thinking to myself was, "What if?"" "That's a punishing question to leave hanging." "And did you truly try to answer it?" "What if we tried to go out?" "You live 3000 miles away." "Did you ask yourself that?" "I can only ask you about it, because for me, it's not an obstacle." "Love is far more pragmatic than it's cracked up to be." "Are you trying to convince me of that, or yourself?" "I knew my short stature could be a problem." "ALLY:" "So you didn't tell her?" "She claimed appearance wasn't important." " But, Douglas..." " I know..." "I chose to allow us to get to know each other first." " So you E-mailed?" " Wrote letters." "Spoke on the phone." "As the day came that we would meet in person, I planned to tell her." " But?" " I was afraid she wouldn't come." "So you chose to let her come not knowing?" "My hope was that after spending time with me, the shock would wear off." "And what made her fall in love with me to begin with would count most." "So, yes, I let her come not knowing." "Is that right, Douglas?" "May I call you that?" "He shouldn't be treated with any less respect because he's small." "He shouldn't." "Mr. McGrath." "You didn't just let her come." "You let her quit her job and relocate from over 1000 miles away." " Yes." "Knowing or suspecting that she wouldn't come if she knew the truth." "Objection." "Assuming facts, argumentative, leading." " Oh, could you pick one?" " I pick all three." "Overruled, overruled and overruled." "Sit down, Ms. McBeal." "You were afraid she wouldn't move here?" " Yes." " And when you E-mailed for months those were intimate, were they not?" "Very intimate." "LARRY:" "You shared dreams, fears, even your medical history?" "We did." "But you left out you were three feet tall." "Yes." "And wasn't one of the reasons you left out this little nugget you were afraid she wouldn't love you knowing your true size?" "Yes." " You didn't have to beat him up." " I didn't." " You did." "You were a bully." " Bully?" "No." "When you pick on somebody smaller, that makes you a bully." "If you're gonna get all angry..." " I'm not angry." " You're not?" "I'm not angry." "Well, you're putting clean dishes in the washer." "That's because I'm bored." ""Bored."" "Stop making me repeat myself, that will make me angry." "I'll let you know what upsets me, if you'd like to know." "I don't understand how you can believe in your client." "What kind of a woman locates love on physical appearance?" "Let's just think about if I were a midget." " Little person." " Well, right, little." " Go on." "If I were three feet tall, would you still love me?" "So if you'd walked into Tracy's therapy office, and there I stood three feet tall, we'd be standing here?" " Well..." " Liar." " Don't call me that." " You'd never fall for a midget." "Firstly, I'm not big on looks." "You're not big on looks." "I just said that." "Everyone marks off in their calendar, 903 days till their first face-lift?" "That's nice." "I share one personal insecurity..." " About your looks." " Stop changing the subject." " What subject?" " Midgets." "Oh, that is not funny." "You wouldn't love me if I were one, would you?" "I never realized how shallow and superficial you are." "And I am not gonna sleep with you tonight." "Wait." "[DOOR SLAMS]" "So if I'm old and gray and wrinkled one day, you won't love me?" "No, I'll still love you." "You'll still be tall." "[DOOR SLAMS]" "We have closing arguments and we're done." " Unless you want to settle." " I don't." "Look, Nelle." "It's a midget." "What?" "You can measure the dignity of someone by how they see dignity in others." "I don't get it." "Was it a riddle?" " I'm having an on-line relationship." " You are?" " I have no idea what he looks like." " You know looks are everything." "I know." "I don't like sex." "This works out perfectly." " Are you ever gonna meet him?" " I don't know." "I got the lawyer coming back in." "I'm gonna try to settle." " Is everything okay?" " Not really." "Well, there's a midget in Ally's office." "Could I steal you for a second?" "What?" "I don't mean to be inappropriate." "I don't respond to deep thoughts." "I'm in love with you." "I broke off my engagement and came to work here, because of you." "I know you don't want it." "But after hearing our client and how one person, and how another might not happen, it hit me." "It's you." "And I can't not be out with that." "You're with Renee." " Is that the obstacle?" "Because..." " No." "Why'd you sleep with me that night?" "That was so not your personality." "You were passionate and reckless..." "Jackson, what I felt for you that night I don't feel now." "I don't believe you." "I don't have time for this." " And after dinner?" "JOHN:" "I walked her back to her hotel." "I'm confounded." "Why do women find me so irresistible lately?" "You've got money." "And women love power." "Add to that, you're sensitive." "You're a rich, powerful man with feelings." "Like me." " Has she left?" " She's here another day." "There's age and geographical stuff." "I don't know if I'm over Melanie." "Melanie was weird, John." "And I don't mean the Tourette's." "She didn't believe in marriage." "And she killed a boyfriend." "These are the glitches to shy away from." "As for the geography issue with you and Cassandra?" "Hello?" "There are planes." "Plus, you're forced to use the phone and talk." "Communication can be better over long distances." "When she's gone, you can cheat." "Fishism." "And here's a little known secret." "Older women:" "Smarter, sexier, better." "It's not even close." "And this one?" "She's pretty, John." "With big breasts." "She's well-endowed, pretty." "She's a goddess." "The question is, if you don't want her, can I take a shot?" " What?" "No!" " Why?" " Because!" " Lf you're not interested..." "No, it's not that." "I'm saying if you're not interested..." " I'm interested." " Then go to her." " I'm in a lull." " Then let me." " No!" " Selfish." " I'm not." " You don't want anyone to want her." " You're not her type." " She'll feel flattered." "She flew 3000 miles." "You don't want her feeling good?" " Don't twist things." " Lf it's not in the cards for you..." " Is it?" " I don't see it." " But I'm..." " Excellent." " How do you get out of here?" " Richard." "I'll just ask her to dance." "Let it be her decision." "Should he have told her?" "Perhaps." "Yes." " But did he defraud her?" " Yes!" "Objection." "Don't talk back to the lawyer." "Continue." "He was rejected." "And to make things worse, he then gets sued." "Assuming it unreasonable to fall for a man like him." "You consider that?" " No." " Don't answer her questions!" "For little people, like Mr. McGrath, there is love in the world." "He was looking in the wrong place." "Imagine a woman rejecting a man for being tiny." "And then finding a sleazy lawyer to ask the jury to give her money." "Six months they talked." "Every night." "Their opinions on politics and religion." "They have everything in common." "Values, humor." "They become intimate." "They agree to spend the rest of their lives together." "Finally they meet in person." "He then says, "Did I mention I was a midget?"" "Mr. McGrath admitted he intentionally withheld this information because he feared she wouldn't fall in love and wouldn't move." "He deceived her." "She relied on his deception to her financial detriment." "As a matter of law, she should be compensated." "That's this case." "You don't get to defraud people because you're short." "I settled the case for $ 11,000." "Both parties seem pleased though her lawyer wasn't "comfortable."" "So, it's over." "I can shop." "Yeah, listen." "Um..." "I'm a pretty good barometer as far as people's feelings are concerned." "So you can understand if I'm a bit confused." "Let's leave it at that." "I apologized last time for imposing my desires." "This time, I don't." "Hey." "Okay." "I feel something around you two." "Is anything going on?" " No." " Would you like there to be?" "No." "What happened when you slept with him?" "I lost control." "I mean, he's beautiful and charming." "I lost control." "Well, if he's interested now, why not?" "Because." "Ling, there are lots of reasons for running from a man." "Fear of losing control isn't one of the better ones." "Thanks, Dear blonde Abby, whose ideal man is on-line." "Ooh, yeah" "Darling, darling" "If I could have you To call my very own" "I'd work my fingers to the bone I'd never roam" "To you I'd always come home" " You think he's pulling back?" " I can tell." "You were working up a sweat the other night." "Sport sex." " Sport sex?" " He wasn't making eye contact." "Oh, come on, Renee." "Sport sex." "I know when a guy's going off me." " Well, where is he now?" " Good question." "I'm just your puppet On a string" "And tears sometimes you bring" " Hey, Cassandra." " Hi, Richard." " Have you seen John?" " He'll be right down." " You enjoying Boston?" " Very nice." " Why do you keep doing that?" " What?" " You keep touching my neck." " Oh, long story." " You care to dance?" " I think I'll wait for John." "Don't worry." "He gave me his blessing." "He told me to go for it." " Go for what?" " You know, it." "Bygones." " What do you mean by "it"?" " Nothing." " Me?" " Well, look John doesn't really get the concept of a road trip." "I get it." "That's why we went to L.A." "Oh, is it?" "John wants you to have fun." "He just doesn't know if he can provide it." "He told me to look after you." "Mm." "I see." "You came a long way." "I happen to love old women." "You know, everything works out." "What did I miss?" "Just this." "Buddy, what did you say?" " He dumped you?" " Let's just say he was honest." "Oh, please." " What honesty?" " He still loves Ling." " You ready?" " Could you beat up Jackson today?" "I'll have to check my schedule." "What'd he do?" " He was honest with Renee." " Look, Ally, I'm okay." " Jackson's a little smooth for me." " That's not the point." "I'll beat him up after lunch." "Don't make fun of me." "You're on thin ice for not loving me if I were small." " Stay out of it." " I'm not good at that." " Stay out of it, please?" " He was using you." " You don't think I was using him?" " Were you?" "No." "[KNOCKING]" "If I knew I was even, I'd have taken your calls." "I never gave Richard a green light to ask you out." "He said that since I wasn't pursuing you, I had no right to stop him from approaching you." " Fine, you can go." "Cassandra, of course I'm interested." "That's why you got on that plane." "To act on my attraction and yours." "But love hasn't worked out here how can I succeed with 3000 miles between us?" "I didn't come here to convince you, John." "Well, why did you come?" "I suppose because I couldn't convince myself that we shouldn't be." "If you're looking to me for the answer then your trip's a bust because I don't know." "Maybe that's the very answer I came looking to hear?" "[STUTTERS]" "Now I'm completely confounded." "Help me with my luggage?" "The car will be here soon." " Hey, Richard." " Lingo." "Richard?" "Do you think about starting over?" " I do." "But..." " But what?" " We didn't leave off anywhere." " That would hurt if I had feelings." "That's good." "We can get back anytime." "And we won't have missed a beat." "How can you top that for security?" "Don't you miss me?" "Yes." " Jackson doesn't bother you?" " A little, but we're soul mates." "We'll probably get back together." "You think?" "We'll always reunite in the shallow end of the pool." "JUDGE:" "Jury, have you reached a verdict?" " We have." "JUDGE:" "What say you?" "Moore versus McGrath, we find in favor of the plaintiff and order that he pay the amount of $ 70,000." "JUDGE:" "This concludes your service." "We're adjourned." " Sorry." " Wow." " I guess that's a message." " No, just a verdict." "Nothing more." "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "I think I just needed to hear that jury say the idea of a woman loving me wasn't so far-fetched." "Well, I'll say it." "You know, you will find somebody." "You know, love is like an obstacle course." "Some let the obstacles win, and then there are those who don't." "Yeah." "I promised myself I'd walk out with my head high." "And that's exactly what I'm gonna do." " You're a fine person." " So are you." " Bye, Ally." " Bye." "I'm glad you came." "I admit I'm totally confounded." "But for whatever reason, I'm glad." "Well, if you can admit that, I suppose I can admit I'm glad you're confounded." "Am I just totally irresistible?" "Totally." "I'm not ready." "Okay." "Perhaps now you're about to feel what it's like." "Feel what?" "To just stand there and watch you drive away." "Most men so forget how to be soft." "Goodbye, John."