"Welcome to John F. Kennedy..." "It's going to be a great trip, Michel, you'll see." "It's gonna be life-changing." "I can't believe a man of your sophistication has never been outside of the United States." "Fuck you, man." "I've been to Canada once when I was 11." "Oh, man, no, but ours is a very deep culture, you know?" "It's full of, you know, this mix of indigenous people from all over the world just put together, you know?" "Just... you've been with a Latin American woman ever?" " No, just the trip to Canada." " Oh, man, you'll see." "They'll... you'll love it, and they'll love you, yeah, because you're a big piece of meat." "They'll devour you." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Yeah." "Oh, man, I'm a bit nervous with this whole kind of "prodigal son returns" scenario, you know?" "It's a bit ominous." "What if I kill my father or sleep with my mother?" " I'm sorry, Mr. Marusa?" " Yeah." "Your passport's expired." " Oh, no." "Maestro?" " What?" "I can't believe this is actually happening." "We get to play in all these cool places, go to these amazing museums, go shopping, and, like, eat room service." "I remember how excited I was the first time." "Now it's just, like, one big blur of airports and minibars." " Hailey?" " But minibars are cool." "Hailey?" "Oh, thank God." "Oh, I fucked up, and I need your help." "My passport expired, and you need to take care of Rodrigo." "No, no, I'm an actual member of the orchestra now." " So I can't do that." " No, no, no." "All his whole itinerary and everything is all laid out." "Just make sure he stays hydrated and that he uses lots of sun block 'cause he's worried his..." "No, no, no, this isn't happening." "I need time to practice, and plus I am a young woman who is single going on tour for the first time." "I should be trashing hotel rooms and, like, sleeping with hot Latin dudes." "Rodrigo is a Latin dude." "Plus, you're the only one he trusts." "Thank you." "Attention, passengers, we'll be landing shortly in Mexico City." "For those of you visiting, have a wonderful stay." "For everyone else, bienvenido a casa." " And here's your key." " Thank you very much." "Okay, folks, come get your packets here." "Only take pink-colored taxis organized by the hotel, and as in other countries, stick to bottled water." "Oh, looks like someone needs a diaper change." "I'm planning on a margarita by the pool if you want to join me." "You know, I'm gonna go get some presents for the girls." "I'm gonna ask the concierge where I should go." "Have fun." "There's that guy. _" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "What did he say?" "He said we better not fuck up." "_" "_" "All the other papers are writing great things." "Why are you obsessing over one shitty article?" "Because I'm alive, "Hai Lai."" "Because I'm a human being, okay?" "Have you heard anything from Maestro Rivera?" "Remember, he is to be seated at the special box." "I know." "You told me five times." " I'm on it." " Good, good, good, good, good." "Maestro Rivera, he's my..." "my mentor, my father figure, my... my teacher." "I mean, I don't... he has to be there." "Look, look, that's where we're gonna be playing." "Over there, you see?" "That's Bellas Artes." "What else?" "I'm still working on the seating chart and waiting to hear back from all your cousins on your mother's side." "And also, um, did you look into getting an assistant for while we're down here?" ""Hai Lai," I don't..." "I don't have time." "I mean, it's... this concert means everything, okay?" "It has to be perfect." "I know, and I want it to be perfect." "That's why I need time to practice." "Did you know that Andrew Walsh gets up every morning at 4:30 A.M. and practices?" "Andrew Walsh?" "You're talking to me about... how do you know that?" "I read it in an interview." "Oh, my God, look, it's Bob and Dee Dee." "Yo, hola, Maestro." "Hey, Dee Dee, Bob the Union, what's up?" "I'm so glad, Dee Dee, that you're a connoisseur of the local specialties." "That's so good." "And what about you, Bob?" "I'm all set." "No, come on, no, no." "You're breaking my heart." " Why?" " No, Bob, no." "_" "Do you want some?" "Um, no, I'll pass." "_" "_" " What is that?" " It's a mystery." "That's why it tastes so good, you know?" "Mmm, mmm, mmm!" "Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!" "Whoa, "Hai Lai," hey!" "Hey, the United States took away my stomach, "Hai Lai."" "Hang on just one second." "Drink some water." "You'll feel better." "You'll feel better." "No, I'm never gonna eat... a mystery taco ever in my life." "Yes, it is imperative that Maestro Rivera sit in the box, so maybe Juan Delgado could just sit somewhere else." "Sorry, one second." " "Hai Lai," I need you." " I'm doing my job." " I need you, no." " Drink the water." "I need you!" "Uh, no, everything's fine." "This is a total PR nightmare." "No, I will be able to play." "Oh, Maestro, I am so sorry." "I feel like such an idiot." "Wait a minute, I think we can get a shitload of great coverage out of this." "I mean, think about it:" "our brave orchestra member ventures into exotic lands to bring art and culture, and what happens?" "He gets mugged and his priceless Bergonzi violin stolen." "Tell that to Juan Delgado when we ask him to write us a $10 million check." "Wow, Craig, do you honestly..." "this is your best one." "This is incredible because you're profiting from a terrible situation, okay?" "Yes, you don't know culture;" "you don't know culture even if it was written in English with a neon light." "The insurance company says I got to file a police report." "No police report, no police report, no police report." "But in order to make a claim..." "Sit down." "No, if there's a Bergonzi on the move," "I know the right person to call." "You called, Maestro." "Warren Boyd," "I present you to my very good friend Manuel, Manu, or you can call him El Bichito." "El Bichito?" "What does that mean?" "It means either I'm your best friend or your worst nightmare." " Hola." " Hola." "Amigo, are you going to introduce me to your lovely lady?" " She's not my lady..." " I'm Hailey." "I play the second oboe in the orchestra." " She's very lovely." " She's my assistant." "Just for a couple of weeks." "Yeah, and she has a lot of emails, right?" "I could..." "Why not... why not do it now?" "Adios." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "There's 22 million people in Mexico City." "How you gonna find one violin?" "It's not problem finding your violin." "All we have to do is talk to our old friend Erasmo." "Finding Erasmo is the problem." "Nah, don't listen to him." "Don't listen to him." " Don't listen." " No one knows where he lives." "He has no cell phone, always on the move, but I know where he hangs out and who he hangs out with." "So this is where Erasmo hangs out, huh?" "No, this is where Paula, Manu's wife, she works here." "Oh." "Warren Boyd, please relax." "Watch the pretty girls." "Some of them give massages, you know?" "With the joyful ending." "Let's get you a drink." "Maybe a Diet Coke or something, por favor?" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Tell me everything that happened this morning." "Okay, after we checked into the hotel, I asked the concierge where I could buy some presents for my family." "What was his name, this concierge?" "I don't remember." "Oh, yeah." "It was Victor." "So he gave me the address, and then when I got to the street, these two guys appeared out of nowhere." "One of them hits me on the head." "The other one grabs my violin case." "Why did you take your violin with you if it's so valuable?" "My insurance policy." "It's got to be with me at all times." "Wait." "_" "_" "Was that him?" "Did you find Erasmo?" "Getting close, very close indeed." "Come on, let's go." "_" "Oh, Warren." "Warren Boyd, oh, she's saying that she likes your maturity, your experience, and that she would love to exchange anecdotes." "Are we going to the police station now?" "And I need time to arrange a violin for the concert." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Hey, Warren Boyd, he lost his stomach." "Maybe the USA took away his balls too." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "♪ Ah-rum-sum-sum ♪" "♪ Ah-rum-sum-sum ♪" "♪ Guli, gull, gull, gull, gull ♪" "♪ Rum-sum-sum ♪" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Hey, we found Erasmo." "Come on, let's go, let's go." "_" "Ha." "What?" "Call me. _" "_" "Call." "New York." "_" "Hey, good looking." "Want to dance?" "Sure." "You've been keeping to yourself these last couple of weeks." "Let's just say I've been enjoying being on my own for once." "Oh." "You're a good dancer, Bob." "Don't sound so surprised." "I'm not surprised." "I remember your moves." "Yeah?" "Hey, Virgil told me about this amazing restaurant, and I somehow managed to score a reservation for tomorrow night, thinking maybe... no strings attached, of course, but..." "Sure, sounds like fun." "I'm in." "Hailey, come dance with us." "I can't." "I've got too much shit to do." "Every time I try to do something, my phone starts ringing." "You know what, fuck the phone." "It's supposed to be the one fun trip of your life, and so far you've done nothing fun." " I know." " Hey, this is..." "This is where you belong, with your fellow players." " Excuse me." " Yes, Bob?" "Could interest you guys in a little Acapulco Gold, Si?" " Uh-huh." " Uh, okay." " Where did you get that?" " Mm-hmm, bueno." " No, no." " Really?" "No, gracias, no, no, I don't..." "I don't do that." "Ooh, de nada." ""Hai Lai," hey, it's me, Rodrigo." "Yes, I've called you, like, three times, okay?" "Call me when you hear this message." "_" "_" "I promised Erasmo 150,000 pesos." "150,000 pesos?" "I can't afford that." "How much is a peso?" "_" "Warren Boyd, I think the police car is wanting us to stop." "They are just admiring my beautiful new car." "Well, maybe they have changed a lot." "It's been a long time since I came here." "_" "Anyway, we can't pull over." "We are late to see Erasmo, cabron." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Hey, Warren Boyd?" "Oh, shit!" "God damn it." "Are we gonna die?" "We're gonna die." "I'm gonna die in Mexico." "Whoa!" "Jesus!" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Hey, Warren Boyd?" " Yeah?" " Maybe we cut the Maestro open and see what is inside his fucking asshole." "I am fucking with you, Warren Boyd!" "He's my brother." "What do you think when he's like that, when people are like that?" "Degenerate." "Moron." "Creep." "No, he's a fucker." "Like, a fucker." "Eater of awful, you know, cons..." "Okay." "He was always better with the wires." "Look." "Ahh..." "Hey!" "So the men who took your violin, what did they look like:" "short, tall, dark, light?" "One of them was kind of medium, but the guy who hit me was very tall." "Did he hit you with his right hand or left?" "_" "No, no, no, no, it's okay, it's okay." "He hit me with his right hand." "I remember that perfectly." "With the right?" "_" "Welcome to paradise." "She's beautiful, no?" "Yes, but that's not my violin." "It's definitely not his violin." "It's true." "It's the violin he should have." "Oh." "Notice the perfect proportions of the scroll, the beauty of the remarkable flaming on the back, and the tone." "Judge for yourself." "Hmm." "At 150,000, you're practically stealing it from me." "No, we came for the Bergonzi." "I'm telling you," "I hear every sound made in this city, and there is not even a whisper about a Bergonzi." "_" "_" "_" "Can't we just go to the police station now?" "I have just one last question." "Why so nervous?" "Tell me, after the tall guy hit you and the medium guy took your violin, did they run back to the street or down the alley?" "Down the alley." "Yeah." "Just a little more time, and I will have your violin." "That's a promise." "Oh, and Manuel always keeps his promises, always." "Except that one time with the blonde you were dating, what was her name?" "Ah, Marielle. _" "Have you ever spent a fucking night at Houston airport?" "What do you mean you're in Houston?" "You're supposed to be here now." "Yeah, well, go tell that to the weather gods, Gloria." "Look, I'm gonna have to stay here tonight." "Just... just be here in time for the Delgado meeting tomorrow, okay?" "Oh, bye." "Senor Delgado, hola." "_" "Hola." "It's time, Maestro." "Yes, "Hai Lai."" "I remember the first time I came here." "I was very little." "I snuck in." "I hid in the bathroom." "The ladies' room?" "Yeah." "It was Mozart's "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik."" " The best." " Oh, yeah, yeah." "Shit." "Oh, I have..." "Oh, thank you." "Thank you." "Mierda." "Mierda, "Hai, Lai."" "Gracias." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" " Maestro." " _" "No." "I'm so thrilled to meet you in person." "But tell me, how did you like the performance tonight?" "I was very moved by the performance as well as the view of my favorite box, sadly empty." "Ah, well, that was an unfortunate miscommunication." "Rodrigo!" "Senor Delgado was just saying how wonderful your performance was." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" ""Hai Lai, Hai Lai," shh, shh, come... come on." "Just come on, come on." "Okay, sorry, Cynthia." "Sorry, sorry, one second." "Come here." "Hey, "Hai Lai,"" "where is Maestro Rivera?" "Because he's not in the box." "I was conducting, and I was looking in the room..." "Well, the lady at the box office said that he picked up his tickets before the show." "Oh, leave the poor girl alone." "Kind of you to arrange that box, my boy." "Maestro." "But it's not suited for a pobrecito like myself." "There's a seat, 37th row, just off center." "That's the, um, SW..." " Sweet spot?" " Sweet spot?" " Sweet spot." " Oh, yes." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Muchas gracias." " _" " Gracias." "And one last thing." "The second oboist, she was, at moments, overenthusiastic, but she is young, and she play with the blood." "Oh, gracias." "You may kiss me." " Thank you." " Gracias, "Hai Lai."" "De nada." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Si, Paula y Manuel." "Si, Si." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "Warren Boyd, Warren Boyd, come, come." "There is some... some news, come." "Where the hell did he find it?" "Is he sure it's the Bergonzi?" "Well, if it's not the Bergonzi, then I'll file the police report myself." "Oh, yeah?" "Congratulations, guys." "What a wonderful show." "Thanks." "Many interesting things." "It turns out there is no alley at the end of Calle Bravo for two thieves to run away." "And did you know that a right-handed man is 75% more likely to be struck over his left eye?" "Unless, of course, he were to strike himself." "Come." "Ah, there was indeed once a concierge at the hotel named Victor." "He retired eight years ago." "Carla, the lovely senorita who works there now, asked me to inform to my friend, Warren Boyd, that she was unable to ship his package today." "Now I am so curious to know what is inside." "Aren't you, my friend?" "The Bergonzi." "Ay, Warren Boyd." "Why?" "Why?" "Maestro, I have..." "I..." "I got two girls in college." "I got another in private school." "I have a second mortgage on an apartment" "I can't afford to keep or to get rid of, and... and..." "If this orchestra goes on strike," "I..." "I, um..." "Am I gonna have to go to jail in Mexico?" "No, you're not gonna go to jail, no." "No, what people are gonna know is that Manu found the violin just as he promised." "But as far as the future, we'll see." "You're my first man." "You're my... my concertino, my first violin." "I counted on you, and that's why this hurts a lot." "That's why this is all very disappointing," "Warren Boyd." "Yeah." "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_" "_"