"Andy?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah." "Sure." "L"m fine." "Good." "Well." "I had a really nice time." "Yeah." "Me too." "Of course, you know I"ve always had a really nice time with you." "Same here." "But..." "Yeah." "You understand." "Well." "The food here was excellent." "L"m gonna recommend it to my sisters." "How many stars did it get?" "Three and a half." "Do you feel better now?" " Me too." " Sorry." "It"s good we had this talk." "Yeah." "Before things went to far." "You know, got too serious." "Yeah." "I mean, are you sure?" "Oh, yes." "Is it someone else?" "No." "It"s just you." "Hey, I want to show you something I got you." " For me?" " Yeah." "Open it up." "Oh, but Andy, this is..." "Oh, this is beautiful." "Thanks." "It"s a Gainsevoort reproduction." "Boston, late 1880"s." "I sent away for it just after we had our first date and..." "I just love it." "It"s..." "It"s a collector"s item." "Yeah." "It"s pretty special." "It almost makes me want to learn how to smoke!" "Hey, look at the back." "That"s a forty karat gold-plated inlaid base." "Oh, Andy." "I just love it, it is..." "This really means something to me." "L"ll always treasure it as a token." "No, you won"t." ""Cause this is for the girl who loves me." "The girl who cares about me for who I am, not what I look like." "I just wanted you to know what you"d be missing." "You think I don"t appreciate art." "You think I don"t understand fashion." "You think I"m not hip." "You think I"m pathetic and a nerd, a lard-ass fatso." "You think I"m shit." "Well, you"re wrong." ""Cause I"m champagne." "And you"re shit." "And till the day you die, you, not me, will always be shit." "I don"t know." "But whenever I see her I just wanna..." "You know, I wanna... undress her." "I want to tie her up." "I wanna pump her, pump, pump, pump, till she screams bloody murder." "And then I wanna flip her ass over and pump her even more and so hard that my dick shoots right through her." "And then my come squirts out of her mouth..." "And not that I could ever actually do that." "See... if she only knew how I felt," "how deep down" "I really cared for her, respected her," "she would love me back." "Maybe." "But she doesn"t even know I exist." "I mean, she knows I exist, I mean, we are neighbors..." "You know, we..." "You know, smile politely at each other, but..." "I don"t know if I could ever really begin to really talk to her." "What can I talk about?" "I have nothing to talk about." "L"m boring." "That I know." "L"ve been told before, don"t tell me it"s not true, "cause it"s a fact." "I bore people." "People look at me and get bored." "They listen to me and they zone out." "Who is that boring person, they think." ""L"ve never before met someone so boring."" "And for her to see how boring I am..." "A gallon of skim milk..." "Dozen eggs." "One of those disposable cameras for the weekend." "Stop at the 7-11 on the way home." "I got to get the dry-cleaning for Trish." "Check Billy's homework." "And call Mrs. Mitchell about her appointment on Tuesday." "I got to reschedule the dentist." "But you know what I"m going to do?" "I got to get the dog cleaned." "The next time I see her, as soon as I see her," "I"m just going to tell her..." "And tell her that I... find her" "attractive." "Good evening, Ms. Jordan." "How"s it going?" "Okay." " See ya." " Yeah." "L"m going to fuck you so hard you"ll be coming out of your ears." "Fuck you..." "Yeah." "L"ll fuck you, I"ll fuck you, I"ll fuck you... really hard." "So hard you won"t even..." "Hello." "Hello, is this Claire?" "Who is this?" "Die, Aunt Joy, die!" " Timmy!" " It"s okay, Trish." "He"s just going through a phase." "Leave him alone." " I know, but..." " It"s okay." "L"m strong enough." "Oh, blame it on cartoon." "They are so full of violence." "And what"s with the people that are making cartoons." "That"s what you..." "Joy..." "What"s the matter?" "I don"t know what it is, but I feel there"s so much... hostility directed at me." "Oh honey, did another guy dump you?" "No!" "I..." "Oh, I feel terrible." "Sweetie, Timmy didn"t mean it." "No, I know, I know." "L"m sorry, I"m just... I"m overworked, that"s all." "It"s okay." "It"s okay."Cause now maybe you"ll listen to me." "What?" "You"ve got to eat red meat." "Trish..." "I knew that"s how you"d react, but I"m telling you, it"s true." "L"ve been watching you." "My doctor says just once a month..." "I know." "Really, it"s the best thing for the skin." "It"ll clear it right up." "What"s wrong with my skin?" "Well it"s fine now but in another few years..." "Please, Joy." "You know I"m just speaking for your own good." "Oh, I know, I know." "Thanks." "L"m so happy." "You are?" "Yeah, I mean being around you and the kids and you know, Kooki." " Your really are?" " Yeah." "Oh, honey." "L"m so happy you"re happy." ""Cause all this time I"ve been thinking you were so miserable." "Oh, Trish!" "That"s too funny, when I couldn"t be happier." "You know, it"s just, what with your music career never really..." "Oh, my career"s fine!" "Oh, I know, it will be, I know it." "And then you"ll move out of Mom and Dad"s." "Real soon!" "And you"ll meet Mr. Right!" "Oh, I will." "Already I feel I"m off to a fresh start!" "That"s right." "I mean, just because you"ve hit 30 doesn"t mean you can"t be fresh anymore." "You know, Joy." "L"ve never told you this before, but now that we"re older and I feel so bonded to you..." "Well, the truth is..." "I know this is going to sound horrible, but I just feel I have to be fully open with you and just get beyond all the old barriers, and the sibling nonsense, you know." "Well, the truth is I always thought you would never amount to much." "That you"d end up alone, without a career or anything." "You know, really, it"s really what we all thought." "Mom, Dad, Helen, everyone." "L"ve always prayed we"d all be wrong, but somehow you always just seemed so doomed to failure." "But now I see that"s not true." "There"s a glimmer of hope for you after all." "But I"m sorry, I know I"m repeating myself." "L"m just really happy for you." "And how is this different?" "I don"t kill myself at the end." "Do you see this as something positive?" "Gee, well, I..." "I don"t know." "How do you feel at the end?" "Much better." "I wake up happy, feeling good," "but then I get very depressed because I"m... living in reality." "And what about your family?" "Trish is good to me." "But... still no sex." "No." "But she"s not too interested either, so..." "Really there"s no problem there when you think about it" "on a certain level." "Mom." "Okay, kids, get in the car." " Can we go for ice cream?" " No, sweetie." " Hi, hon." "How was work today?" " Oh, fine." "Hey, Billy!" "What"s going on?" "Nothing." "He"s "depressed."" " Well is anything the matter?" " I don"t wanna talk about it." "Ignore him." "He"s just doing it for attention." "He thinks you"ll be impressed." "So anyway, Joy came by today." "How"s she doing?" "Oh, God, I don"t know." "And frankly, I"m concerned." "I mean, she"s not like me." "You know she doesn"t "have it all."" "She pretends to be happy, but I can see right through her she"s miserable." "Why do you think that is?" "Well to be frank, I think she"s lazy." "She"s not a go-getter, like me or Helen." "And she"s so picky." "I gave Damien Ross her number, for what it"s worth, and Joy sounded interested, naturally, but I don"t know." "L"m afraid I have to say it, but truly it"s what I believe." "She"ll always be alone." "We"re all alone." "Oh, Bill." "Sometimes I wonder how any of your patients can talk to you." "Sometimes I wonder if they"ll ever stop." "I should tape some for you." "Bill, would you?" "Would you really?" "So that I could listen too?" "No." "Come on, you"re such a tease." "You know I wouldn"t tell anyone." "Right." ""Cause you"re so secretive." "Well, maybe not as secretive as you." "What secret would you like me to tell you?" "Like how come no matter how much you treat me like shit" "I can"t help loving you even more?" "Dad?" "Yes, Billy." "What does come mean?" "Come?" "You know..." "Well..." "You know how sometimes your penis gets erect." "Well sometimes it gets so excited that a sticky milky substance shoots out." "Dickwad?" "Yes, only come can be used as a verb as well." "Billy?" "Yeah?" "Have you ever come?" "Yeah." "Now," "Billy." "It"s all right if you haven"t." "But I have." "Billy..." "But... everyone else in class has, and I want to come too." "Now, it"s okay." "It"s okay." "Have you tried playing with yourself?" "You mean..." "With your penis." "A little." "How did it feel?" "I don"t know." "I don"t know what to do." "Do you want me to show you?" "No, no!" "L"m not normal." "No, Billy." "Don"t worry now." "You"re normal." "Hey, no." "You"ll come." "One day." "You"ll see." "I'm turning on the dishwasher!" "Where"s my valium?" "What?" "Never mind." "Fucking asshole." "You answer it, bastard." "Mona, it"s Trish." " Hi, Trish!" " Hi, Mom." "How are you?" "L"m fine." " How are you?" " Fine." "Good." "Did you watch Leno last night?" "Mom?" "He"s leaving me!" "Your father"s leaving me!" "Mom, what are you talking about?" "Trish, can you keep this secret?" "Top secret?" "Yes, yes, of course I can, Mom, but..." "He says..." "He says he doesn"t love me anymore." "Well, I'm sure he doesn't mean it." "Yeah, well, he does fucking mean it!" "He wants a divorce!" "He said the word divorce?" "What, you don"t believe me?" "You talk to him, okay?" " Lenny!" " Yeah?" "Lt"s Trish!" "She wants to talk to you!" "Yeah, Trish?" " Is it true what Mom said?" " What?" "You want a divorce?" "Mona!" "What are you telling the kids?" "She"ll call you back." "Did I use the word divorce?" "You..." "You said you didn"t want to live with me anymore!" "Answer my question." "Did I use the word divorce?" " You said that you didn"t..." " Did I use the word divorce?" "No." "Good." "I just want that clear." "Now sit down next to me." "Come on." "Sit down." "Sit down." "Lenny..." "Why?" "I don"t know." "I just want to be alone." "I can let you be alone more, if that"s what you want." "It"s not that." "Things change." "People change." "I want out." "It"s Diane, isn"t it?" "Diane?" "You"re in love with Diane Freed." "Oh, get out of here, please." "Well, you"re in love with someone." "And it"s someone younger, probably." "Wrong." "Lenny, it"s okay." "L"m not dumb." "These things happen." "L"ll get over it." "You know I wish you had done this twenty years ago." "Now I"ll have to get another fucking face-lift." "L"m in love with no one." " With no one?" " No one." "Okay, then." "Schmuck." "You know people are always putting ew Jersey down." "One of my friends can actually believe I live here." "That"s because they don"t get it." "L"m living in a state of irony." "Helen, are you sure you don"t want to have dinner with me tonight?" "Oh, I can't." "L"m giving another reading/book signing at Barnes  Noble." "Then Jamal is taking me out, although I promised Flavio..." "I hate Saturday nights." "Everybody wants me." "Joy, you have no idea." "Oh, I know." "It"s just that I wrote a new song and I thought maybe you"d come over and I"d play it for you and..." "Oh, can you hold on a second?" "L"m sorry, Joy." "Hold on." "Hello." "Salman, hold on one second." "One second." "Joy." "I'm sorry, but I have to take this, it's London." "But I"ll talk to you soon now." "Okay, bye." "Bye." "Bye." "Hello?" "Hi!" "How are you?" "Is this" "Damien?" "Yeah!" "How are you doing?" "Fine." "Trish told me you might be calling." "Yeah." "Well, I know how weird these things can be, but... I"ve always had such faith in Trish"s judgment I thought why not." "You know, it"s not like I"ve got some huge social life." "I mean, I do have a social life, it"s just not huge." "Same here." "Really?" "That"s so nice to hear." "Most people seem confident..." "Yeah." "Or, you know, they"re just real jerks." "Yeah." "What are you doing?" "Oh, I"m sorry." "L"m sorry." "L"m just trying to thaw this steak." "It"s so hard and... I"m sorry." "Oh, no." "Don't stop." "Ot because of me." "Well, it"s just I feel like I"m being so rude." "O, not at all." "Thanks." " Are you alone?" " Yeah, nobody"s listening in." "Don"t worry." "God, you"re just like me." "What are you wearing?" "You mean when we go out?" "Where do you want to go?" "L"m pretty easy to please." "I hate getting all dressed up." "What are you wearing now?" "Just a pair ofjeans." "Why?" " Are they tight?" " No, actually they fit pretty good." "But why do you want to know?" "Not the jeans." "Underneath." "What are you wearing underneath?" "Check." "Underneath?" "Well, but Damien, underneath is just..." "This isn"t Damien, is it?" "Are you all wet?" "Is your pussy all wet?" "Who is it?" "It's your neighbor, Kristina." "Hey, what"s up?" "Did you hear what happened to Pedro?" "Who"s Pedro?" "You know, the night doorman." "Oh, yeah." "What?" "He was found bludgeoned to death in his apartment this morning." "Yeah." "And supposedly his penis was missing." "Anyway," "Carla in 2B, she"s collecting money for the funeral." "You know, if you feel like it." "Apparently he had no family, no known friends." "If I"d have known..." "I did always say hi, I think." "Yeah, me too." "If it"s the guy I"m thinking of." "By the way..." "I have an extra ticket to the playoffs tonight." "Wanna come with me?" "Thanks." "I got too much work." "I just wanted to tell you about Pedro." "Thanks." " Okay, see you." " Yeah." "Yeah." "It seems the things I've wanted in my life I've never had." "And so it's no surprise that living only leaves me sad." "Happiness, where are you." "I've searched for you so long." "Happiness, what are you." "I haven't got a clue." "Happiness, why do you have to stay so far away" "from me." "When I'm in despair and life has turned a mess" "I know that I don't dare to end my search for happiness." "Happiness, where are you." "Hello?" "Hello, this is detective Berman from the County Police Department." " L"d like to speak to Joy Jordan." " This is she." "Ma"am, I"m sorry." "L"m sorry, I"ve got another call." "Hello." "Yeah, lieutenant." "Hi, how are you doing?" "They pronounced the guy DOA." "The door was locked on the inside, the property"s here, suicide note..." "Looks like a pill/vodka OD with a bag over the head for a chaser." "Hi, Miss Jordan, I"m back." "L"m sorry to disturb you, Miss Jordan, but I"m afraid I"ve got some bad news for you." "It regards an acquaintance of yours by the name of Andrew Kornbluth." "Joy." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, sure." "L"m fine." "What"s the matter?" "Andy"s dead!" "Andy?" "Yeah!" "Who"s Andy?" "You know, the guy who used to work right over there in that corner?" " You mean where Pam is sitting?" " Yeah!" "Was he kind of tall and a little hunched?" "No." "He was a little shortish, a little squarish..." "Joy, I"m not sure." "Did he work here long?" "Oh, a year, maybe a little longer." "Kay." "Kay." "Do you remember a guy named Andy who used to work here over where Pam is now?" "No." "Why?" "What happened?" "He died." " Which one was he?" " L"m not sure." "Maybe Tom knows." "Tom?" "L"m sorry, I don"t." "But you know," "I do remember a guy who vaguely worked over there." "I think, but you know, I"m not really sure." "How did he die, anyway?" "Yeah, Joy, how did he die?" "Sales, may I help you?" "Is this Joy Jordan?" "Yes." "This is Andy's mother." "I hope you fucking rot in hell." "Joy." "Was he kind of Latino-looking and a little acne-scarred?" "Oh, yeah, you know, like what"s his name..." " You know, the actor." " Yeah, sure." "That was him." "That"s him, that"s him." "The actor." "Yeah." " What actor?" " Oh, it has an A in it." " Something, something, something..." " Three names." "Oh, yeah, I know." "I can picture his face but I can"t think of what he looks like." "Yeah, well." "J..." "J..." "I can"t think." "J something." "If I go through the alphabet, I can usually picture their name." "See, I do not remember." "I don"t know why I suggested this place." "Joy recommended it." "Well, at least we"re together." "I never get to see you." "You"re so busy." "No, you are." "No, you are." "No, you are." "You." "Guess I am." "Me too." "In fact, if I have to do one more interview..." "I guess it"s hard, all this success." "It"s just l"m so tired of... of being admired all the time." "I mean all these men, they"re beautiful, artistic minds, great sex, the whole package, but... hollow." "You know what I mean?" "I feel nobody"s honest with me." "Nobody wants me for me." "They"re not family." "Oh, Trish." "I wish I had your life." "Husband, kids, carpool..." "Well, I may "have it all,"" "but sometimes I wonder what my life might have been like if I"d actually tried to write a novel." "L"m sure it would have been good." "Oh, maybe I will write one." "You should." "Just try." "No, I don"t need that kind of success." "Listen to us." "We who have everything, while Joy..." "What does she have?" "You"re so right." "And she"s just getting older." "Last night she called while I was in bed with Huraki, I think..." "She was in tears." "She told me she"d quit herjob." "Oh God, no, but that"s her lifeline!" "She said she wanted to change her life, do "good,"" "work with the poor, the needy." "I don"t get it." "Don"t even try." "She doesn"t understand she is good." "She doesn"t need to do good." "And what about her music career?" "I don"t know, but don"t hold your breath." "Listen, anyway, this is all top secret." "She doesn"t want anyone to know." "But she told you." "She felt she could trust me." ""Cause I always thought I was someone that she could confide in." "Did you speak to Mom?" "You mean about the split up?" "I thought that was all top secret." "Just for Joy." "Sensitive Joy." "Everyone else knows." "Can I get you ladies anything else?" "Coffee?" "Dessert?" "No, thank you." "Just the check, please." "Thank you." "Thanks for lunch." "I really enjoyed this." "Benefits, benefits, we want benefits..." "You know, there are people in real need in there." "The fucking management is in there." " But what about the refugees?" " What about our benefits?" "L"m sorry." "I think you"re all making a terrible mistake." "Fucking scab." "Scab... scab... scab..." "It"s so sad." "I mean, really it"s pathetic." "Such losers." "Really, I feel sorry for them." " What is it?" "What happened?" " They called me a scab." "You are not a scab." "You"re a strikebreaker." "Good luck." "Hello." "My name is Joy Jordan." "L"m your new teacher." "Now..." "You are a scab." "Where Marsha?" "Marsha?" "Well..." "Marsha..." "We want Marsha!" "We want Marsha!" "We want Marsha!" "Quiet!" "Thanks." "Please." "I am not a scab." "I am a strikebreaker." "All right, good job!" "Come on, Johnny!" "Don"t fuck this up!" "Come on!" "Come on, Johnny!" "Come on!" "You can do it!" "Bill, I don"t know." "Maybe I should talk to you." "You"re supposed to be a specialist in these things, aren"t you?" "Well, I don"t know." "That depends..." "Look, my son"s a fag." "L"m not blind to these things." "How come you"re so sure he"s... gay?" "What, are you kidding?" "Well it"s just sometimes appearances can be deceiving." "And besides, even if you"re right, there"s not much you can do, is there?" "What do you think would happen if I got him a professional?" "You know." "A professional?" "Hooker." "You know, the kind that can teach things, first-timers, you know... break him in." "But Joe, he"s 11." "Yeah, you"re right, you"re right." "It"s too late." "He is... what he is." "Forget I said anything." "Oh, dad, could Johnny sleep over night?" "Well, that"s up to Joe here." "Daddy, may I please sleep over Billy"s tonight?" "Sure, sure." "Whatever." "Yeah!" "Like girls." "Come and get it!" "Oh, Bill." "You shouldn"t have." "Here, take." "You only live once." "Billy." "Here, Johnny." "No, thank you, Dr. Maplewood." "Aren"t you having any?" "Johnny hates chocolate fudge." "Well, there... is there something you"d like instead?" "No, thank you, Dr. Maplewood." "What about to drink?" "Leave him alone, honey." "He"s fine." "No, but there must be something." "Do you have any grape Hi C?" "Do we, Trish?" "L"m afraid not." "L"ll go pick some up." "Bill, don"t be silly." "He doesn"t need anything." "It"s late." "Do you have any tuna salad?" "Would you like a sandwich?" "Yes, please." "We"re going to bed, hon." "Little Timmy can hardly keep his eyes open." "You boys don"t stay up too late, huh." "Okay, just..." "Here we are!" "Hey, what happened to Billy?" "I don"t know." "I guess he just conked out." "Bed time for Billy." "Here we go." "Here we go." "Aren"t you going to eat the sandwich?" "In a minute." "Take your time." "Is your game almost over?" "This is the bonus round." "I have some cereal or a hot dog?" "No, thank you." "Dr. Maplewood..." "Yeah." "Would it be all right if I ate this tomorrow?" "Well, sure, but..." "I don"t know if it"s gonna taste any good tomorrow." "How is it?" "Actually, it"s really good." " Oh, honey, I feel so good now." " Me too." " I haven"t slept this well in ages." " Me neither." "It"s weird." "I feel as if we..." "Bill, did we?" "Did you?" "Did I?" "Yes." "I don"t remember." "It"s all right." "It doesn"t matter." "It matters." "Forget about it." "Okay." "It"s funny, I remember I was dreaming and you were there and Billy and Timmy and Chloe and Johnny Grasso." "I can"t really remember anything more except..." "I don"t know." "Bill, please don"t get mad at me." "I know you hate it when I ask." "Do you still?" "Yes." " Very, very much." " Oh, Bill." "I do too!" "I do too!" "L"m sorry I need to keep being reminded." " It"s just that..." " I know, I know." "And we haven"t been..." "I know." " I know." "And it"s my fault." " No, honey, it"s my fault." "No, I..." "I know, I know, I know." "Die... die..." "Die... die..." "Please, stop that." "Where"s Billy?" "Watching TV." "How come you two aren"t playing together?" "I don"t know." "Billy just said he didn"t feel like it." " Dr. Maplewood." " Yes?" "Can you drive me home now?" "Well, sure but... aren"t you having a good time?" "L"m not feeling very well." "What"s the matter?" "I don"t know." "I..." "All right." "L"ll take you home." " Dr. Maplewood?" " Yes, Johnny." "L"m sorry I threw up." "Don"t worry about it." ""Cause I really had a good time." "Good." "Billy did too." "We all did." "Dr. Maplewood?" "Yes, Johnny?" "You"re so cool." " Dad?" " Yes, Billy." "I was kind of wondering." "Yes?" "Nothing." "Did you have fun with Johnny?" "Yeah." "It was okay." "He"s a little girlish though." "Yes." "Dad." "Do you know how many inches your penis is?" "You know, I never measured." "Cause..." "Ronald Farber said his penis is 11 inches long." "Do you think that"s possible?" "What Ronald Farber doesn"t know is that it"s not length that matters, it"s width." "Why?" "Things get a little more intense." "What do you mean, intense?" "Have you been practicing?" "Yeah, but... it"s no use." "Nothing comes." "You have to be patient." "Your friend Ronald Farber," "I can assure you, is full of crap." "Yeah, I bet yours is a lot wider and longer." "Do you want me to measure?" "No, that"s okay." " Hi." "Ann Chambeau." " Mona Jordan." " Wonderful." "Come this way." " Okay." "L"m sorry to have kept you waiting so long." " Can I get you some coffee or tea?" " Oh, no thanks." "Okay." "Now then." "How can I help you?" "You said there might be something available over Elysian Fields?" "Well actually, we have several places we can see there." "But first I need to get a bit of information from you." "Are you looking for a 1, 2 or 3 bedroom?" "Three." "Wonderful." "Is this then for you and your husband?" "No." "Just yourself then?" "Yes." "No children?" "All my children are grown." "No pets?" "No." "So really then just you alone all by yourself?" "Yes." "Wonderful." "Mrs. Jordan?" "Is something the matter?" "My husband is leaving me." "Oh, I"m so sorry." "You know, we have a lot of divorcees in Phase IV." "Would you like to see something there perhaps a bit smaller?" "Who said I was getting divorced?" "What you need is a fresh start." "Yes, that"s what I"m looking for." "You know, I"m a divorcee." "And I live in Phase IV." "I am so sorry." " Mrs. Jordan?" " Mona." "Mona." "That"s a beautiful name." "Thank you." "How long were you married?" "Forty years." "You know, Mona, I think we have a lot in common." "Probably more than you realize." "See, I know what you"re going through." "L"ve been there." "But I"d like to share a little secret with you." "Divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me." "Really." "Don"t worry." "She"s the exception to the rule." "Most everyone here is much more youthful." "Are you sure?" "Look, let me show you something." "You see this?" "You"re the picture of health." "No tumors?" "Nope." "How"s the heart?" "Like an ox, Lenny." "You"re gonna live to be a hundred." "So I still have another 35 years." "Just stay off the salt." "You bet!" "Hi, Lenny." "Hello, Diane." "Mind if I join you?" "No." "No thanks." "How"s Mona?" "She"s fine." "She"s inside on such a beautiful day?" "I don"t know." "What do you mean you don"t know?" "I don"t know." "Whatever." "So how are your girls?" "Fine, I guess." "The grandchildren coming to visit soon?" "I don"t know." "Look, Lenny." "I think you ought to know, I heard about you and Mona." "What?" "About you getting divorced." "L"m really sorry." "We"re not getting divorced." "Divorced." "Separated." "Whatever, it doesn"t matter." "You"re alone now." "Anyway, if you ever need anyone to talk to, you know where to find me." "Everything I write is so shallow, superficial." "Can't anyone see through my work?" "It's inherent phoniness." "Rape at 11..." "Rape at 12..." "What the hell do I know about rape?" "I've never been raped." "I'm just another sordid exploitationist." "If only I'd been raped as a child." "Then I would know authenticity, but instead... I"m no good!" "Nothing!" "Nothing!" "Nothing!" "Zero!" "Zero!" "Hello?" "I know who you are and you are nothing." "You think you"re fucking something, but you are fucking nothing." "You are empty." "You are a zero." "You are a black hole and I am going to fuck you so hard you"ll come out of your ears." " Data Resources." " Who are you?" "What do you want?" "I want you to fuck me." "I..." "I don"t think I can do that." "I mean..." "Yeah, I don"t think I can do that." "Gotta go." " Call me tomorrow." " All right." "Hey, Allen." "Did you see the playoffs last night?" "Yeah, yeah, pretty good!" "Pretty good!" "I was on my knees praying for that shot." "It worked." "Who is it?" "Who is it?" "It's me," "Kristina." "How"s it going?" "Okay." "I have some information about Pedro." "Pedro?" "Yeah, you know, the..." "Oh, yeah." "What?" "Well..." " Are you okay?" " No." "Wait." "Here, okay." "Pussy..." "Need pussy." "What the fuck are you doing here?" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" "Joy!" "Joy!" "I am Vlad!" "Your student." " Oh, hello Vlad." "How are you?" " I am fine." "How are you?" "Oh, fine, fine." "I not believe you." "Really, Vlad." "L"m fine." "L"m sorry." "It"s just l"m a terrible teacher and everyone hates me and I should have never left telephone sales because I was really doing a lot more good then." "Where are you go now?" "L"m on my way home." "Tell me where do you live." "I take you home." "Oh, no, I couldn"t." "Joy." "Come in my cab." "I give you ride." "Vlad, no." "I like walking." "And the train is right nearby." "No train." "I drive you home." " Vlad, I live in New Jersey!" " Good." "I take you to New Jersey." "No, maybe you don"t understand." "New Jersey is far." "Joy." "You not understand." "I driver." "My taxi." "You come." "You understand?" "You come." " Are you sure you know?" " Vlad know." "I love New Jersey." "Do you miss Russia?" "Fuck the cunt of Russia." "Well, I guess it"s best to feel that way." "Well, thank you for everything." "That really was nice of you." "L"m sorry about before, that was very unlike me." "Do you think you"ll need help finding your way back then?" "Why you not married?" "Vlad." "Our life is so different in America." "Here a woman can..." "I know this is difficult to understand, but... a woman can fulfill her potential." "There are opportunities to do something... do good... really improve the world." "Do you like men?" "Yeah." "Yes." "But it"s not so simple." "Are you lesbian?" "Lt"s all right if you are lesbian." "I like lesbian." "Vlad, I"m sorry." "But this conversation has become a bit strange for me." "So thank you for the ride and..." "Well, then, good night... and I"ll see you in..." "Would you like to come inside for a cup of tea?" "L"ll go turn on the kettle." "That"s good." "Take your shoes off." "Make yourself comfortable." "It"s my parents" place." "I plan on moving out soon, though." " How long you live here?" " Since I was born." "I find there are a lot of advantages to not moving." "So..." "What did you do in Russia?" "I was thief." "Do you mean the Mafia?" "No." "I am independent." "I steal things on my own." "Although I have many offers." "You are musician?" "No, I just write songs a little." "What kind songs?" "I don"t know." "They"re so terrible." "Love songs." "No." " I play." " No." "I play." "So many nights I sit by my window waiting for someone to sing me her song." "So many dreams I've kept deep inside me alone in the dark." "But now you've come along." "You light up my life." "You give me hope to carry on." "You light up my days and fill all my nights" "with song." "And you light up my life." "You give me hope to carry on." "You light up my days and fill all my nights with song." "It can't be wrong when it feels so right" "'cause you, you light up my life." "Okay?" "Okay." "I go now." "I see you in class tomorrow." "Scab, scab, scab..." "Good morning." " So how"s it going?" " Oh, hi, Rhonda." "Your students treating you okay?" "Oh, they"re just great!" "You know, I hate to have to say this, but I told you so." "How about you?" "How"s your class?" "Oh, my students are such a hoot." "They"re always telling me how much they love me." "Actually, if you can keep a secret..." "There"s this one..." "Igor." "L"ve got such a crush on him." "Well, not that I"d ever..." "I mean, especially the Russians." "What?" " B.O." " Really?" "Mine seem okay." "Well, then, you"re lucky." " Rhonda?" " Yeah?" "If your Igor... used deodorant..." "You teacher Vlad?" "Yes." "Whore!" "Oh my God!" "That woman was crazy!" "Joy, are you okay?" "Yeah." "L"m fine." "Thank you." "Joy..." "You didn"t, did you?" "Mom?" "Yeah?" "There"s blood in my BM." "Can I stay home from school today?" " How are you feeling?" " Fine." " You sure?" " Yeah." "I feel fine." "Maybe a little sore, but I"m ready to go back to school." "Oh, that"s good, Johnny." "Johnny, I have to ask you a few questions." "Is that okay?" "Yeah." "When did you first start feeling sick?" "Yesterday." "What happened?" "I threw up at my friend"s house." "Johnny..." "he spent the night there." "I thought he just had a little virus." "Did you eat anything unusual, Johnny?" "Just a tuna sandwich." "He loves tuna salad." "I see." "Johnny, when did you first notice the blood?" "When I went to the bathroom this morning." "Johnny, I have to ask you a question." "It"s very important that you be honest, okay?" "Johnny, was there..." "in the last day or two... someone who hurt you?" "I don"t think so." "But someone did hurt you, right, Johnny?" "No one hurt me." "What do you mean no?" "You"ve been fucking raped!" "Sorry." "More potatoes, Bill?" "No, thanks." "I got plenty." "The babysitter should be here any minute now." "When does the PTA start?" "We"ve still got about half an hour." " So how did school go today?" " Okay." "Was Johnny there?" "No." "I sure hope you kids don"t catch whatever he"s got." "Very funny, Timmy." "And now you are excused and can go right to bed." " But Mom!" " You heard me." "Yeah, excuse me, Bill." "Hello?" "Hi, Tawny." "Is there a problem?" "Well, thank you for giving me so much notice." "Well..." "Yeah, sure." "L"m sorry, too." "Well maybe you could have thought of that before." "Bye-bye." "Bill, I"m sorry, you"re going to have to go by yourself tonight." "Isn"t there anyone else you can get?" "No, not at this late hour." "Now you"re going to come with me right now and take a bath." " But I"m not finished!" " Yes, you"re finished." "Let"s go." "Wait." "My Tamagatchi." "I have to get my Tamagatchi." "Come on, Timmy." "Get your Tamagatchi." "Let"s go, come on, upstairs Mister." "Come on, Timmy, please." "Come on." "Don"t make me punish you." "Let"s go." "Come on." "You want to be grounded?" "Dad?" "If you and Mom died in a plane crash, would it be all right if I took over?" "Well, probably one of your aunts would want to help out." "So you don"t think I"m old enough to take care of myself, Timmy and Chloe." "Well, no." "Ronald Farber"s parents are away in Europe for a few days and Ronald gets to stay home alone by himself without a babysitter." "Why do I need a babysitter?" "Well, if you want to change Chloe"s diapers..." "Well if I didn"t have any little brother or sister, would you let me stay alone by myself for a few days?" "Your mom and I are not Mr. And Mrs. Farber." "We worry." "So no." "What if I were 12?" "No." "13." "At 13 I think you"ll be okay." "Can you promise?" "As long as you don"t still look like you"re 11." "I won"t." "Okay." "13, then." "Hello, in Roseland, please." "L"m looking for the address of a resident." "The name is Farber." "11 Angel Court?" "Thank you." " Hon, is that you?" " Yeah." "You remember the milk?" "Yeah." "How was the meeting?" "It was fine." "Bill, are you all right?" "I think I have to lie down." "Oh, shit." "I hope you"re not coming down with whatever that Johnny Grasso had." "I don"t think so." "Be up in a minute." "Dad?" "Yeah?" "I..." "I..." "I almost came." "Trish?" "Trish?" "Yeah?" "Do you love me?" "Oh, Bill..." "Yes." "No, I mean... do you really love me?" "No matter what." "No matter what?" "No matter." "Whatever." "Bill, you have me." "You always will." "L"m sick." "Honey." "Take some Tylenol." "You"ll feel better tomorrow." "I met with Steve Zimmer this morning." " You like him?" " Yeah." " L"m gonna use him." " Good." "L"m gonna use Marty Blau." "Good." "I feel so much better now." "Well good." "It shouldn"t take too long." "Good night." " Lenny?" " Yeah?" "Can you sleep on the living room couch?" "Why?" "Steven Zimmer thought it would be a good idea." "Okay." " Gin and tonic?" " Oh, thanks." "It"s so bright outside it gives me a headache just looking out there." "Yeah well they say it"s gonna rain tomorrow." "I don"t wanna talk about the fucking weather." "Well it"s good for playing golf." "I hate that game." "It"s so boring." "It passes the time." "I like to travel." "Yeah I went to Europe once." "Have you ever been to Tahiti?" "No." "How about Tunisia?" "A night in Tunisia?" "No, no." "Vincent never liked to travel." "I guess I"m like Vincent." "You know what I was a child, I"d always imagined that I"d marry a man I fell in love with, have a son and a daughter who love me as much as I hated my mother." "Then die, tragically and suddenly, young and beautiful." "When Vincent left me," "I imagined I"d finally be happy." "I guess you haven"t lost your imagination." "Lenny, I gotta get out of here." "I can"t breathe." "All the women are pathetic gossips and the men are..." "Just pathetic." "I don"t wanna die here." "You just don"t want to die." "Not alone." "Don"t..." "Don"t feel guilty." "I don"t." "I don"t feel anything." "I have to see you." "Who is it?" "It's Kristina." "L"m sorry about last night." "Yeah." "Me too." "I shouldn"t have..." "I understand." "I mean..." "See, I can..." "I can admit it." "That I"m fat and I"m ugly." "Yes." "Yes." "Thank you." "Say... you wanna go somewhere?" "I like you." "I have a confession to make." "What?" "Do you remember Pedro"s penis?" "Yeah, you mean, the one that was... cut off?" "Yeah..." "Well, it wasn"t really cut off." "What happened to it?" "Nothing." "I..." "I don"t understand." "Why would you make something like that up?" "Was Pedro even killed?" "How do you..." "How do you know?" "I tried so many times to tell you, but it"s hard to... I"d always been very friendly to him." "And well, I try to be that way with all the doormen, even though they"re usually snickering behind my back." "I don"t care, I"m still friendly." "It"s my way." "But..." "Pedro was different." "Pedro never snickered." "Of course, who was he to snicker?" "He wasn"t exactly Tom Cruise." "Still, he could have but he didn"t." "So anyway, one night" "I was coming home from the 24-hour Pathmark." "It was late." "Good evening, Miss Hope." " Hi, Pedro." "Can you help me?" " No problem." "Thank you." "Ormally I don't need any help." "But my back hurt because the bags were heavy and I had a half gallon of strawberry ice cream, two boxes of fudge and a key lime pie and I couldn"t wait to get home and get under the covers and watch TV." "But... it was in the elevator that I first got a funny feeling." "Like he was, you know, kind of looking at me kind of funny." "And I thought maybe he was just being friendly too." "I mean, you know, just... two friendly people." "Would you mind putting those in the kitchen for me?" "No problem." "Thanks so much, Pedro." "No problem." "L"m so sorry." "Forget about that." "What I"d like is a scoop of your ice cream before I go back down." "Sure, please have a seat." "My wife died three years ago." "I feel so lonely." "You are a beautiful woman, Kristina." "You are so beautiful, Kristina." "And the next thing I know, he was inside me." "You know, just pounding away." "Oh, Allen!" "All finished?" "Yeah." "Yeah, I guess so." "Would you like to see the dessert menu?" "What kind of ice cream do you have?" "Chocolate, vanilla and strawberry." "L"ll have a plain chocolate fudge sundae with strawberry ice cream." "Thank you." "And you, sir?" "Just the check, please." "So anyway, everything got really quiet and I thought, well... you know at least the worst is over." "How do you like it?" "Kiss me again." "But that was just an act." "I let him kiss me one last time..." "And then, grabbed hold of his neck and twisted it backward." " Here you are." " Thank you." "And then I had to cut up his body." "You know, plastic bag all the parts." "L"ve been throwing it out gradually ever since." "There"s still some left in my freezer." "So you did cut off his..." "No." "I left it attached." "I didn"t want to have to touch it again." "I feel so terrible." "You must think I"m a monster." "But what else could I have done?" "Anyway I couldn"t help myself." "I hate sex." "L"m sorry, butjust the idea of it." "You know, someone all over..." "inside... me." "I know it isn"t right, but can we still be" "friends?" "I guess... yeah." "I mean, we all have our..." "You know, our pluses and minuses." "It was a crime of passion." "L"m a passionate woman." "I've had you on auto-redial all night." "Hello?" "Yes?" "L"m the... I"m... I"m sorry?" "Come in." "Okay." "Please, have a seat." " Drink?" " No." "Thanks." "This is not working." "No." "You"re not my type." "No." "Can I come in?" "L"m sorry." "I wanted to..." "Here." "Vlad!" "Come inside." "Please." "Spasiva." "Joy." "Why you are come here?" "I came because I wanted to say... that I was sorry to your wife." "Zhenia is not my wife." "So you"re not really married?" "Zhenia love me." "It is problem." "She want be my wife, but... she don"t listen." "What can I do?" "What can I do?" "Come." "You want I drive you New Jersey?" "We go shopping mall?" "No, thank you." "I don"t think that"s really..." "Joy." "I must ask you a question." "Yes?" "But I very ashamed." " L"m sure I"ll understand." " Good." "Can I borrow money?" "It is very important." " How much?" " One thousand dollars." "All right." "Five hundred." "I need money now." "I guess I can go to a cash machine." "Good." "I know where is ATM." " Vlad?" " Yes?" "Could I first have my guitar and my CD player back?" "Okay." "It is deal." "Do you think shopping mall in New Jersey is open tonight?" "Yeah, probably." "Here." "Joy." "I love you." "I love New Jersey." "I give you back Monday." "That"s okay." "I probably won"t be there anyway." " Why no?" " I don"t know." "I think now I have more sympathy for the strikers." "See ya." "Stupid American." "So, Billy, how was school today?" "Okay." "Ronald Farber was absent." "He was afraid of the math test." "So he stayed home?" "Yeah." "He cut." "That"s terrible." "His parents..." "They don"t know yet." "They"re still on vacation." "Are they gonna be upset." "Ronald"s gonna be pretty upset when he finds out the test was cancelled." "What happened?" "Mrs. Paley was absent also." "Did you call Ronald and tell him?" "Yeah, but there was no answer." "So was Mrs. Paley sick, then?" "Well, everyone said she was just too strung out." "No why do people say things like that?" "Because she"s a drug addict." "And how do you know?" "Mom." "Everyone knows." "Well I didn"t know." "Did you know, Bill?" "You hear that, Billy?" "Well it"s what everyone says." "She"s a junkie." "And she"s probably gonna get fired." "It"s really sad." "Well if Mrs. Paley turns out to be a junkie then she should be fired." "Don"t you think so, Bill?" "I don"t know." "Don"t you think that"s a little harsh?" "I mean, if it"s not affecting her work..." "Well, apparently it is." "And no, in fact, I don"t think that"s a little harsh at all." "L"m sorry, but when it comes to drug abuse, and children, my children..." "They should all just be locked up and throw away the key." "And Billy, I want you to know something." "If you ever even think of doing drugs, and end up dying in a hospital, I"d disown you." "That"s how strongly I feel about it." "Trish." "Now I know Bill, it may sound harsh, but we"re talking about our kids." "Not to be too grandiose, but this is the future, the future of our country we"re talking about, after all." "L"ll get it." "Hello." "Who"s calling please?" "Oh, hi." "Sure, hold on." "It"s Joe Grasso." "Great." "Thanks." "Hey, Joe!" "What"s up?" "How"s Johnny doing?" "You're a dead man." "Oh, good." "Good." "No problem." "Right." "Okay." "Well, take care." "Bye." "How"s Johnny doing?" "Fine." "Fine!" "Never better!" "Good." "See, we bought those tickets for this Saturday and Billy has..." "No, no." "He didn"t cancel." " Oh, now who could that be?" " L"ll get it." " Who is it?" " Police." "Can I help you?" "Are you William Maplewood?" "Yes." "Sorry to disturb you, but we have questions for you and your wife." "It hast to do with your son"s friend, Johnny Grasso." "Did something?" "Come this way." "Go ahead please." "Thank you." "Sit, please." "Bill, who is it?" "We"re just finishing dinner." "L"ll be right back." "The police." "You take care of the kids." "Sorry." "Now..." "You said something about Ronald Farber?" "Excuse me?" "L"m sorry." "I mean..." "Johnny Grasso." " Okay, honey, here we go." " Mom, I don"t wanna go!" "Honey not today." "Let"s go." "Billy, come on, the bus is here." " I don"t wanna go." "I wanna stay." " Wait..." "All right, I"ll take you boys myself." "Dad?" "Yes, Billy?" "Everyone at school is saying things about you." "Who is everyone?" "Like kids." "You know." "Everyone." "What are they saying?" "That you"re a serial rapist." "And a pervert." "You mean like what they painted on the house." "Dad, did you... with Johnny Grasso and Ronald Farber?" "Yes." "What did you do?" "I touched them." "What do you mean exactly touched?" "I fondled them." "What for?" "I couldn"t help myself." "What else?" "I..." "I unzipped myself." "You mean, masturbated?" "No." "Then what?" "I... made love." "What... do you mean?" "I fucked them." "What was it like?" "It was..." "It was great." "Would you do it again?" "Yes." "Would you ever fuck me?" "No." "L"d jerk off instead." "Mommy, I"m..." "I don"t wanna go." "Let me go." "Ma, don"t want to go." "Just get in the car." "My Tamagatchi!" "My Tamagatchi!" "So who used to live here before?" "Another couple, the Heller"s." "What happened to them?" "They got divorced." "Anyway, so the police came and looked in her freezer and found baggies with the doorman"s genitals." "I use baggies." "Me too." "Everyone uses baggies." "That"s why we can all relate to this crime." "I can"t relate to it." "In any case, there"s this guy I"ve met, Joy, that I think you"d like." "He"s into computers," "I think." " How did you meet him?" " He"s a neighbor of mine." "Do you wanna call him, or should I give him your number?" "L"ll call him." "That would be great, I think he"d really like that." "What about me?" "L"m looking, I"m looking." "I like computers." "Trish..." "Trust me on this one." "Not for you." "And what about me?" "I haven"t forgotten, Mom." "It"s just... it"s hard." "But I"m looking for everyone." "Well don"t look for me." "Have you found somebody?" "No." "There"s no one." "I heard Diane had a stroke." "She"ll recover." "That"s good." " Where"s there"s life there"s hope." " That"s right." " You bet." " Absolutely." "Yeah." "Could you pass over the sweet potatoes, please?" "Here." "Hey, did anyone watch Leno last night?" "Timmy, Timmy..." "Timmy come over and sit on Grandma"s lap." "Timmy, Timmy, what?" "Timmy." "What"s the matter with Timmy?" "His Tamagatchi died." "Tamagatchia." "Helen, so what"s going to happen now to that woman who killed your doorman?" "I don"t know, Mom." "It"s so sad." "She"s all alone." "I wish I"d gotten to know her better." "We might have found we had something in common." "Maybe you"ll write a poem about her." "Joy..." "I"m sorry." "But don"t worry." "L"m not laughing at you." "L"m laughing with you." "But I"m not laughing." "Let"s make a toast." "To happiness." " To happiness!" " To happiness!" "I came!"