"An offer to read English at Bristol is fantastic, Rae." "I'm not going." "Move in." "Here, with me?" "It's never too late to be what you might have been." "Why would you lie to me?" "Finn!" "Well, what about the party?" "I'm not really in the mood." "We are going to have the flat-warming party." "It is back on!" "I need you to come with me." "It's a lock-in!" "Yeah!" "Chloe!" "I think we should do a rota, so that someone's always here." "I'll go first." "Just make sure I'm back for three." "Got to take Rita to the park to do a shit." "Me dad's dog." "Well, if you're staying, I'm staying." "Maybe I should stay." "Well, we can't all stay." "What sort of rota's that?" "Guys..." "It's OK." "I'll do it." "You go and get some rest." "What's going on?" "What's happened?" "So why were you all in the car together?" "Where were you going?" "Rae?" "We were going to yours." "Why?" "For the party." "What party?" "The flat-warming party." "No!" "We discussed that." "I said it wasn't happening." "But I said that it was." "I wanted to talk." "I needed to see you and I couldn't do it on my own." "Let's talk." "I can't." "Don't you get it, Finn?" "She's in here because of me." "No!" "She's not in here because of..." "Rae?" "You must be knackered." "You go home and I'll wait here, all right?" "I'll have Karim stick the kettle on." "That's if he can be bothered to get off his backside." "Ever since the council threatened to cut jobs in traffic control, he's barely moved a muscle." "Even in bed." "That's not normal, Rae." "Not with a Bedouin." "Meant to spend half of that between your thighs." "Oh!" "Oh, come on, love." "Chloe's going to be OK." "Bloody typical!" "He's done nothing for Monday." "The big 4-5." "What?" "It's my birthday, Rae!" "I'm 45." "Yeah, I know it's your birthday." "But why are you saying it like that?" "Like what?" "Like it's a well-known thing." "It's a milestone, Rae." "No, it isn't." "It's halfway between two milestones." "Well, whatever it is, it's slipped his mind, that's the point." "Even your father used to sing Happy Birthday to me once in a while." "Right, you go on upstairs." "I'll be up in a minute." "Dear Diary, to be in a car crash, you first have to be in a car." "And the gang being in that car, that was down to me." "Chloe being in hospital, that was down to me." "My weakness causes damage." "Finn called." "He said to call him back on his home phone." "I found those downstairs." "Have a rest." "And, when you wake up, maybe you can have a look." "Can't." "Chloe wouldn't want you to stop with your studies, would she?" ""No, Mum." ""I need to pass my exams, so I can still go to Bristol."" "Why didn't people tell you when they were coming round?" "That way, you wouldn't have to answer the door looking like" "Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat." "I don't get it." "You can't force someone to drive." "I did." "Now her parents hate me." "They won't hate you." "Her mum does." "She looked at me like I was Myra Hindley in a long, black wig." "And what about you?" "What do you mean?" "Well, the whole of Stamford is worried about Chloe, but how are you feeling?" "I don't think anyone's worried about me, to be honest." "Well, I am." "That's why I'm here, stupid." "I need to keep tabs on my new Bristol buddy, remember?" "Can I offer you some advice, Rae?" "From someone who has done her fair share of sitting about at home in sexy dressing gowns." "It's OK to feel shit about yourself." "For a bit, it's totally understandable." "But it's not fair of her parents to blame you." "You need to get out there... and prove they've got you wrong." "Your her best mate." "She needs you." "Katie Springer was right." "I had to stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself and do something to help Chloe." "And that could only begin with a surprise visit to the headquarters of the official Rae Earle Fan Club." "Mr Gemmel, I..." "You better come in, Rae." "Thanks." "Where's Mrs Gemmel?" "She's still down at the hospital." "There's nothing anyone can do." "Well, I think you're wrong, Mr Gemmel." "I think that there are things we could do, I could do, to help Chloe." "Like what?" "Well, for a start, there's her clothes." "See, I know what clothes Chloe likes, so I could just take them to her." "No, wait." "Grapes, that's what you take, isn't it?" "Grapes." "Does Chloe even like grapes?" "No!" "She likes raisins and sultanas, I think." "But I..." "I don't know the difference." "'What was I on about?" "'" "She likes the ones in the little red box, so I'll just pick some of them up." "'Stop talking about dried fruit!" "'" "But the main thing is..." "Mr Gemmel..." "You'll like this." "..textbooks." "I could just go up to Chloe's room and get some textbooks and then I could read them to her." "Over and over, because some of it might sink in before, you know, her last exam and she wakes up." "She's asleep, Rae." "No, I know, but some of it might sink in." "No, she won't hear you." "She's unconscious." "No, but that's what people do, isn't it?" "They... they read and talk to plants and vegetables and that's what makes them grow." "'Vegetables?" "Classic.'" "Look, wh..." "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I really don't think it'll do very much for Chloe." "Besides, you've got your A-levels to be thinking about, so..." "It's not important." "I don't care." "All the same, my wife and... we're both... very clear on this, that..." "Clear on what?" "That you've... you've probably done enough." "It might be best if you... if you just kept away." "'Dear diary, when life is shit, turn to music." "'When life is scrape-it-off-the-walls shit, 'turn to Steven Patrick Morrissey." "'Because, when it's done to perfection, 'music speaks to you in a way nothing else can.'" "'Sod Mr Gemmell." "Chlo needed me." "'I could reach her in a different way, in a better way, 'in a way only I knew how.'" "Karim." "Rae..." "Tomorrow is your mother's birthday." "She think I forget." "I not forget." "Well done." "I will make for her a nice time in this house tomorrow." "And you, you will make a big cake." "Yes?" "Erm... well, I can buy a big cake." "For tomorrow?" "Yeah." "After college, you go." "Yep, I will get a cake." "A big cake." "A big cake." "Right now I'm kind of in the middle of something." "Study?" "Yeah, something like that." "'It was time to pull out the big guns." "'From the Divine Comedy to DJ Shadow, 'via Beck and The Boo Radleys," "'I had the best back catalogue a girl could wish for." "'What followed came from the heart." "'The best mix-tape I'd ever made 'for the best mate I'd ever have." "'The only way I could say sorry.'" "'All I had to do was deliver it.'" "Got any Elton John, mate?" "Yeah, I'm looking for..." "'What the fuck?" "'" "There may be some..." "'It was like seeing a ghost." "'A ghost who couldn't be bothered to haunt you half the time.'" "What's she supposed to play it on?" "I can't see how that's going to work." "Well, you just lay the headphones on the pillow." "Then the music just drifts up." "I just want to help." "Exams start tomorrow, don't they?" "Exams aren't important, Mrs Gemmell, not any more." "They might not be important to you, but they were very important to Chloe." "I know." "She'd been revising." "I know." "And she wanted to revise the night you came round." "I know." "But she's been very lucky." "She regained consciousness an hour ago and now she's sleeping." "Well, can I see her?" "When Chloe wakes up, she's going to find out that her exams, business school, the things she's been planning have been thrown upside down." "If the other car... had been six inches further over, six inches... that would've been it." "It would've been fatal!" "A cassette tape isn't going to give her back the future she deserves." "Rae?" "Where've you been?" "What?" "Where've you been?" "I was at the hospital." "I've been trying to ring you." "Sorry." "Rae, why are you ignoring me?" "Rae, have you heard yet?" "It's great, innit?" "It's better than that." "It's fucking fantastic." "Rae." "Just heard." "It's amazing." "Erm, this is Katie." "Really happy for you all." "So, are we going to get to see her or what?" "Yeah." "Her mum said we could go and visit her tomorrow." "'So it was just me that 'wasn't allowed to see her.'" "This time, I'm driving." "Yeah, last time we let Rae organise a lock-in!" "Now, the diet coke's on the house, but the sherry needs covering." "I've had a ticking off from Derek at the distillery." "Rae." "Rae, are you all right?" "Rae, what are you doing?" "Where are you going?" "Rae?" "Why am I even anywhere near a pub?" "What's there to be happy about?" "I nearly killed her." "You didn't!" "Rae, please!" "I'm here, Rae, can you not see me?" "Look, let's..." "Let's spend some time together." "Come over to mine and... you can help me shift that stupid sofa bed up the stairs if you want." "I love you." "I want you back." "I don't deserve it." "That's bollocks." "You know it is." "Is it?" "It is." "What's happening to you?" "You're acting mental." "You sound so surprised." "I'm waiting on Kester." "Dr Gill went home." "I'm sorry." "It's Rachel, isn't it?" "If you like, Rachel, you can talk to me." "I'll be free in 20 minutes." "I don't know you." "I'm Dr Allen." "Dr Gill and I trained together in Roehampton." "It's no trouble." "Rachel, it's OK." "Lots of people have more than one therapist." "I don't want more than one therapist." "It can be helpful." "Well, do I look like I'm finding it helpful?" "'All I wanted to do was help Chloe." "'but maybe the Gemmells were right." "'Maybe I should do everyone a favour and just stay away.'" "Rachel?" "I'm sorry, I had no idea." "Do you work here?" "Look, I'm sorry." "I mean, I came in to get a CD before, erm... but I had to go and... go and get some money!" "Er, which CD?" "It was Elton John." "It's £9.99." "Um..." "'I don't know why I said what I said next." "'It wasn't because he was my dad." "'Maybe it was because he was the only person left to talk to." "'Or maybe it was just because he looked as shit I felt.'" "Just putting the kettle on." "I am in what's known as a studio flat." "You should come over and visit sometime, maybe?" "I've got a lot on." "Exams and..." "GCSEs?" "A-Levels." "So, you're not living with that woman any more, then?" "No, no." "That's all over!" "A strange woman." "She refused point blank to have a sense of humour." "I mean, that is one thing that I will say about your mum, we did have a great laugh." "She mentioned you yesterday." "Did she?" "Yeah." "She said you used to sing to her on her birthday." "Really?" "Why?" "Yeah, well, it's not like she talks about you on a regular basis or anything." "I don't think I treated your mum very well, Rachel." "And I regret it." "Maybe you should tell her." "I don't think that would go down very well!" "You don't realise what it's like to have the chance to say sorry for something bad that you've done!" "Rae," "I don't think she'd thank me for it." "Yeah, well, it's the right thing to do, so..." "Rae, oh, please don't." "Please." "No." "It's fine." "No." "Sorry." "Look, I don't know what to do." "Will you answer me a question?" "Do you think the fact that I let people down the whole time and the fact that I always fuck things up, do you think that's something that I get from you?" "Put it this way," "I don't think you get it from your mother." "Thank you." "And I still fuck up." "I think that's what happens." "You know, the longer you leave your mistakes, the harder it is to put them right." "You only get one chance to fix your fuck-ups, Rae." "Don't worry." "I'll stay out of your record shop." "But I will think about what you said about your mum." "'I thought about what my dad said." "'You only get one chance to fix things." "'I had one night left to revise for Sociology 'and I knew what I had to do.'" "Sociology Paper One is two hours long." "The time now is 11:45, so you have until 1:45." "You may turn over your papers." "'I had decided I should take my A-Levels." "'I should take them for Chloe.'" "How was it?" "Do you know what, Chop?" "Not too bad." "How come you left the pub like that, then?" "Should I be worried about you, Raemundo?" "Not any more." "Thanks, though." "Look!" "Here she is." "Stamford's own Cindy Crawford." "How was it?" "It was all right." "What questions did you do?" "The one about population." "What about the other two?" "You were meant to do three questions." "One question, Izzy." "Well, I did three." "And Tracey Munro did three." "And everyone else I was talking to in the canteen just now did three." "Did you only do one question, Rae?" "No!" "All right, see you." "See you!" "How'd it go?" "Yeah, it was all right." "Yeah?" "Do you want a lift?" "'It was weird how Katie kept turning up, 'but I needed to get away from the scene of the crime.'" "Yeah." "So were you just driving past, then, or...?" "Came to get you, didn't I?" "We were worried about you yesterday in the pub." "We?" "Me and Finn." "When we saw you leaving." "So I just wanted to check to see if you were OK." "I hope you don't mind." "No." "No, it's fine." "He's a big softie, isn't he?" "I had no idea he was so sensitive." "Well, don't you remember him from college?" "Never talked to me at college." "No-one did." "At least not to my face." "Can you just slow down a bit, please?" "I'm only doing 30, Rae." "Come on, so what questions did you do in the exam?" "Just pull over." "You don't have to drive!" "Rae, chill out." "Will you just pull over?" "Please, I promise it'll all be OK!" "Rae, we're not even there yet." "Just pull the fuck over!" "Now!" "Sorry, I'm not used to these brakes." "Listen, Rae, tell me to mind my own business with Finn and stuff, but I just thought you'd want to know." "No, it's fine." "Er... it's open, Einstein." "See you." "See you." "'Even Katie couldn't help me un-fuck-up two sets of A-levels.'" "'I just needed some space away from everyone 'to figure out how I was going to sort everything out.'" "SURPRI..." "Oh." "Bollocks." "'There were two options." "Either I'd totally forgotten the big 4-5, 'or Michael Aspel was about to appear and say," ""Tonight, Rachel Earl, this is your pathetic excuse for a life."'" "SURPRISE!" "June!" "Hello!" "OK, everybody." "Speech!" "Speech!" "OK, erm..." "When a 43-year-old woman goes to Peterborough leisure centre for her weekly aqua aerobic class, she doesn't expect to meet a man who'll turn her life upside down." "And he slotted into our life right away, didn't he, Rae?" "His name was Karim." "Still is." "And he's lovely." "Because he does things like this." "And without him I wouldn't be having a happy birthday." "Aww." "Would just be having a birthday." "At least there were still some places on this Earth where good people could have a nice time, safe from the chaotic influence of Rachel Earl." "I put baby to nap, then party!" "Perfect!" "'Holy cock and balls!" "'" "I'll get it!" "I'll go!" "Hello, Linda." "What the..." "Get him out of here now!" "He wasn't..." "Now!" "I'm telling you!" "Right, you can't be here." "You've got to go." "I just came to say happy birthday." "No, you can't." "You come in here, you..." "OK, just sit there." "No, you've had enough!" "OK, so he's going to stay..." "No, no, look at him, Rae!" "Look!" "This isn't just my day." "And look at all the work he's done!" "I know, I'm..." "Shut up!" "Mum..." "# What have I got to do to make you love me?" "# What do I have to do to make you care?" "# What do I do when lightning strikes me?" "# And I wake up and you're not there?" "# So sad, so sad" "# It's a sad, sad situation" "# And it's getting more and more absurd. #" "Go." "No." "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" "All right, all right!" "Don't fight!" "I'm going, you don't need to fight." "Please..." "No, don't go!" "At least have some cake!" "Have we got any cake?" "Since when is it OK to do that to this family in this house?" "Well, he's my family." "He's not your fucking family." "He had his chance." "You knew it was my birthday, Rae." "I forgot." "Cos that's what I'm like." "It's how I've always been." "I get it from him." "Everything I touch turns to shit, Mum." "And when I try to say sorry, no-one lets me." "When I try and put it right, I only make it worse." "The fuck-ups, oh, they just keep coming." "But this, Rae." "This today." "This was a mistake, but if you're talking about what happened to Chloe - if you're blaming yourself for that, then don't." "That's not your fault." "You don't get anything from him." "So." "What are you going to do now?" "I want to see Kester." "I like parking here." "This is the ugliest building in Stamford, so when you're in here, you can't see it." "My shifts have changed, so I don't work weekends any more." "They should've sent you a letter about it." "I'm sorry they didn't." "The accident was my fault." "If you think it was your fault, why are you calling it an accident?" "Did I ever tell you that when I was 17, when all this was black and white," "I got asked to train - to try out for Wrexham Football Club." "My team." "Did I ever tell you that?" "Thought you weren't allowed to tell me anything from your life." "And even though I knew deep down inside that I wasn't good enough " "I mean, I wasn't even the best footballer in my school " "I still went." "I stood there in line with all the other lads, in our tracksuits and our hair." "Three days running around in the pissing rain and I barely got a touch of the ball." "Complete and utter disaster." "Well, it's not the best story I've ever heard." "But if I'd never have gone, then I'd never have known." "And that would have been torture." "Just because I didn't deserve a place didn't mean I didn't deserve a chance." "Someone saw something in me." "Just like someone, some stuffy professor, saw something in you." "But this is where we differ, you see, you and me." "Because you are good enough, and you can do it." "But you have to take your chance." "You owe yourself that." "Two more sessions." "That wasn't a session, that was a story." "It was a story-session." "I can't think about Bristol, Kester." "I need to see Chloe." "I need to say sorry, but her family won't let me." "Come on." "Come on." "Since when have you let other people stop you doing what you want?" "You OK, babe?" "They say I'll be out by the end of the week." "Well, they must know about the leavers' ball." "I've messed everything up, Chlo." "It's like the crash was just the start of it." "Well, you know why we crashed, don't you?" "Cos I made you drive." "It's because you saw my hand." "It's cos we're friends." "That's what did it." "If I hadn't have kept looking down, if I hadn't have been worried about seeing this..." "..then I'd have been looking where I was going, wouldn't I?" "And I'd have seen that car." "I got your back, babe." "Have you been giving yourself a hard time?" "It's OK." "Katie said it's all right to feel shit about yourself." "Not sure how I feel about that Katie Springer." "She's wrong." "Anyway, I think you've got no reason to feel shit so just carry on with what you're doing." "Doing what, Chlo?" "I'm not going to take my exams if you can't." "I'm not going through all of this for us to both miss out on our exams." "You're the only one who can do them anyway." "Well, that's not true." "I was joking..." "Oh." "..kind of." "Promise me." "You'll be brilliant at them." "Rachel." "I don't want to make a scene." "Then don't." "I should go anyway." "Will you please do me a favour?" "Erm..." "OK." "Will you bring me some chocolate?" "I've got your back." "Promise me you won't hurt yourself again." "I promise." "'Chloe had been the one in the car crash, 'but it was me she pulled from the wreckage." "'She made it OK to think about the future again." "'I decided to own up about Chloe's exam paper, 'but I had no idea just how pissed off mum would actually be 'when I told her.'" "Don't start." "Don't you start with "Don't start"!" "How was it ever going to work, Rae?" "It wasn't." "I'll have to inform the exam board." "I've got no alternative." "They'll probably stop you from taking any more of their papers." "But can I take other papers from other boards?" "Not at this college, no." "It's not Rae's fault." "Things have been difficult at home recently." "My ex-husband's been around, causing trouble, and my current husband, who's a lollipop man, has been told he's going to be losing his job." "The council want to replace him with a pelican crossing." "So, what with the crash and all the pressure I've been putting on her to do her revision, things have been sort of..." "Hell at home for Rae, these last few days." "She would be the first person ever in our family to go to university." "Ever." "She deserves that." "You know she does." "Er, there is a thing called special circumstances." "If I can talk to your therapist today, then perhaps we can make a case for a retake, but you'll have to take it now, before your English paper." "There's a 24-hour rule." "'And there it was." "The Great Escape." "'Steve McQueen had his motorbike," "'Rachel Earl had a middle-aged white woman in a hijab.'" "You were incredible." "No, you were stupid." "Stupid." "Don't you let yourself down, do you understand?" "There's people counting on you." "Sociology Paper One is two hours long, giving you until noon." "You may turn your paper over." "'Dear Diary, there is something about taking an exam that feels 'less pressured than normal life." "'I think it's because no-one who reads this paper will ever 'know who I am, or what I've been through." "'All they will know is my name." "'Every word I wrote on the page 'was like taking a step back from the edge." "'My future is mine for the taking." "'My future belongs to me.'" "Rae." "I just want to talk..." "What... if you'll let me." "What..." "What do you mean?" "Finn, I'm sorry I pushed you away." "Right, OK..." "See, I'm getting better, I promise." "I'm sorting my head out." "I know, I know..." "Look, Finn, I don't care if we are together long-term or short-term or officially." "Rae, I think we should just..." "I don't care, because I need you, Finn Nelson." "And you need me." "We need to sit down and talk, all right?" "Talk about what?" "About you changing your mind about things." "Yeah, I know, but I'm not going to do that any more." "I'm not, I promise!" "Let's just say that I'm your new flatmate." "Cos you know what happens when you have a boy flatmate and a girl flatmate, don't you?" "Yeah..." "You get a flatmates with benefits scenario." "Yeah." "Yeah?" "I know, I know, just hold on a second." "OK?" "Come on." "No, no, Rae, please..." "Finn, move out..." "Please, please, no, no." "Why are you being weird?" "No, stay..." "Rae." "Where you going?" "Move, Finn." "No, Rae, please." "Please don't." "What?" "!" "What, Finn?" "!" "Can I help you, love?" "Erm, yeah, erm..." "Erm..." "I-I-I want to see Kester." "Kester?" "Kester Gill, yeah." "Kester Gill doesn't work here any more." "He hasn't worked here since April." "What?" "No." "Can you check again?" "No, I don't need to check." "He doesn't work here." "Can you check again, please?" "He hasn't worked here since April." "Right, I'll just go and get him, then." "No, no, you won't." "Come on." "Kester?" "No, no, he's not down there, so don't..." "Kester?" "!" "That's enough now." "You need to go now." "Why are you doing this?" "I'm not doing anything." "Now come on." "You're just a liar!" "You don't want to be doing that." "Come on, come on." "Come with me." "Come on, you're all right." "English Literature Paper B is three hours long." "The time now is precisely two o'clock, meaning, for those of you who don't do maths, you have until five." "You may turn your papers over."