"'The year is 1987 'and NASA launches the last of America's deep-space probes." "'In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William "Buck" Rogers, 'are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life-support systems 'and returns Buck Rogers to Earth 500 years later.'" "Anything about it look familiar, Buck?" "Negative." "I have never seen anything like it." "Dr Huer, Buck's ruled out the possibility it's an ancient probe that's fallen back to Earth's orbit." "Go easy on the word "ancient"." "20th-century." "What do you suggest we do, Doctor?" " Dr Huer?" " Destroy it." "We're not certain it's unmanned." "We can't." "Sensors indicate no life form aboard." "Dr Theopolis just told me the object's orbit has stabilised." "Wherever it came from, it is sustaining a position over New Chicago." "It must be a weapon, so destroy it - now." "Yes, sir." "Our pulsars have no effect!" "It's stopped tumbling." "One of its points is turning." " Towards the Earth." " We must sound a general alert." "It's glowing." "Dr Huer, it's releasing a beam of energy." "Activate Omega defence programme - immediately." "(Explosion)" "Dr Huer!" " Sensors say it hit, Wilma." " (Wilma) 'Dr Huer, are you all right?" "'" "We're still here, Colonel." "It hit outside the city." "It's started to tumble again." "Let's get back down there." "The weapon works perfectly." "We will annihilate Earth's cities on your command." "There's been a slight change in plan, Kane." "I will send a sub-space transmission to Earth's Defense Directorate." "Those are not your father's orders." " Emperor Draco specifically stated..." " I'm not deaf, Kane." "I heard my father's instructions." "I simply wish to make a few embellishments of my own." "Come along, Kane." "We have a transmission to make." "'Alert, alert." "'Rec team to Level 10, Sectors H through L.'" " Dr Theopolis." " Bidibidibidi." " What's the latest on the weapon?" " It's still directly above New Chicago." " 'Hello, Dr Huer.'" " Hello, Princess." "'Were you impressed by our target practice just now?" "'" "I think you know the answer to that." "One of our expeditions to the galactic centre discovered the pyramid." "'It was being used for mining by one of the planets there." "'Naturally, we thought it had greater potential.'" "Naturally." "'It really is the ultimate weapon, Doctor." "'You have no idea how it works or what can stop it 'and you have no time to find out." "'It can destroy your space port and your city before you launch one ship.'" "Then why haven't you done it?" "'I'd prefer to discuss it with the Federation Council tonight.'" "You will arrange a reception for me and invite not only all your leaders, but Buck Rogers as well." " 'I'm honoured, Princess.'" " Well, hello, Captain Rogers." "I must say, you're still looking fit." " 'So are you, Princess.'" " I trust I'll see you this evening." "A lot more depends on it than you might think." "What are you doing?" "Your orders were to destroy the Earth!" "And your orders are to obey my wishes." "If you cannot do so, Kane, I'm sure I can find someone who can." "They're going to use that weapon to extort us." " I need your help to locate leaders." " Twiki and I are at your service." "Colonel Deering, arrange for an honour guard for this evening." "Yes, sir." " And Buck." " I'll be there." "If you'll excuse me, I think I'd better go change." "(♫ Upbeat music)" "Please hold still, Twiki." "You're loosening my circuitry." "Bidibidibidibidi." "Killjoy." "For the food, for the entertainment and for the hospitality, I thank you." "As you know, we possess a weapon which is capable of destroying not only New Chicago, but every city on the planet Earth." "Of course, being a merciful and civilised culture, we have no intention of doing so... if you fulfil one simple request." "Very shortly, I will succeed my father to the throne of Draconia and, according to our laws, within a year of doing so," "I must wed the most physically and genetically sound male available or lose my throne to a successor." "Well, I have found just such a man right here on Earth... and unless you turn him over to me for the wedding, our pyramid weapon will destroy the Earth city... by city... by city." "That man, of course, is Captain Buck Rogers." "If I were your mother, I'd admonish you for not taking two trips." "Yeah." "Well, you're not my mother." "My mother never had a key to my apartment." "Well, I ran into a maintenance drone in the corridor." "Seems like I'm not the first person he's let in here." "You know how maintenance drones exaggerate." " What is all this?" " Stuff I scored from Dr Junius, camping equipment, mostly." "I talked to Dr Huer." "The Federation has no intention of sacrificing you to the Draconians." "For the time being, anyway." "Dr Theopolis has a plan for destroying the weapon." "I'll sneak aboard their ship and locate the control." "That ship is two miles wide." "Without a blueprint you won't find the controls in time." "No, the Federation won't let you go." " Are you going away?" "Yep." "You've never run away before." "Dr Huer and Dr Theopolis have everything under control, so if Ardala wants me, she's gonna have to come find me." "I don't believe you." "We've been through too much and you've risked your life too often for me to believe that you're running away from anything now." "Whatever you have in mind... please be careful." "Where is Buck Rogers?" "He chose to decline your invitation, Princess." "It was hardly an invitation, Doctor." "Princess, you must understand that Buck is from a different time." "His attitudes are annoyingly old-fashioned." "He's very stubborn and terribly independent." "I think he'd make you a very bad spouse." "But these two gentlemen have heard about your request and have volunteered to take Buck's place." "And they have done so, I might add, eagerly." "I want Buck Rogers." "I don't want psychological profiles." "I don't want personal opinions." "And I certainly don't want some drooling by-product of a Terran hormone experiment." "I want what I came for." "As spokesman for the Earth's Federation Council, I submit... that we're not going to give you Buck Rogers." "Then within one hour you will suffer the consequences." " Thank you, Twiki." " Bidibidibidi." "Thanks for helping me do up that motorbike." "I'll let you know how it goes over long distances." "I'll walk you as far as the transport tubes." "Come on." "Bidibidibidi." "You're not really running, are you, Buck?" "No, I'm not." "I can't tell you what I'm doing." "Don't ask me why." " Then I'm going, too." " That's out of the question." "I didn't pack any spare transistors and Lord knows what you use for a toothbrush." "Come on." "I'm wasting time." "All right, I'll leave you in here." "It'll get lonely in here." "Suit yourself." " All right." "Come on." " Bidibidibidi." "Yippee!" "Bidibidibidi." "Far out." "Why are we stopping?" "I think we're running low on fuel." "Yeah, we need a fill-up." "Unleaded." "Here we go." " If only OPEC could see me now." " Bidibidibidi." " Where are we going?" " You'll see." "Whatever you say." "Marvellous." "Every cubic centimetre of New Chicago lies at my fingertips." "I can destroy it all at once or piece by piece." "And if the Terrans turn over Buck Rogers, how will you explain your mercy to your father?" "Once I have Buck Rogers and we have re-entered Draconian space, we can send the weapon back and then act out my father's wishes." "Once Rogers is within the Empire, he need never know Earth was destroyed." "Very good, Kane." "I'm surprised at you." "Did you think of that yourself?" "Are you all right?" "A little shaken, but I'm fine, Dr Huer." "I'm afraid that was another hit inside the city." "The pyramid has de-energised." "Thank heaven." "That's right, Kane." "I did no real damage." "I changed my mind." "Let's see if the Terrans have changed theirs." "'Next time, Dr Huer, 'the damage will not be confined to the unoccupied levels." "'Unless Buck Rogers is delivered to me within two hours, 'the weapon will destroy New Chicago.'" "This means the Federation leaders have no plan to thwart Ardala's weapon." "You'll have to see them." "And I think I know what they're going to tell me." "Bidibidibidi." "Nice place for a picnic." "That's not what we're here for, Twiki." "Garridan?" "Garridan!" "Stay close to the bike, I'll be right back." "Bidibidibidi." "I should have stayed home." "Garridan!" "Garridan!" "What's a Garridan?" "Garridan, I came alone." "Where are you?" "I need your help." "Bidibidibidi." "What am I?" "Pickled herring?" "Looks like we wasted our time." "Cheer up." "We can still have our picnic." "Aaaiee!" "You lied to me!" "You brought 'em back." " You came to kill me." " Garridan, stop it." "You came to kill me, like all the rest." "I came alone." "Now, stop it." "Garridan, I came alone." "I promised I'd never tell anyone where you're at and I kept my word." "Don't you remember?" "You came to me." "You were tired of the Draconian slaughter." "You asked me to help you." "Don't you remember?" "Yeah." "You found me supplies and you found me shelter." " You came alone?" " Yes." " Why?" " I need your help." "Stop, right up in here." "You were an engineer on a Draconian starship." "You know their layout by heart." "Garridan, I need that knowledge." " It's so long ago I don't remember." " Try." "Please." "I can't remember." "I don't want to remember." "The Draconians." "Deploy yourselves at once." "Garridan, please." "Just try..." "Run!" "I'll draw their fire." "Fire!" "How did you find me?" "I planted a tracer on Twiki." "He didn't know." "Buck, I'm afraid you have to come back with us." "We have no choice." " You'll get no argument from me." " I don't understand." "Garridan, I'm sorry." "I didn't know they'd follow me." "You know this person?" "Garridan was chief engineer on the Draconia." "Why should I help?" "If you don't, the fighting and killing will get worse." "What do you want me to do?" "Dr Huer, I know how you found us, but what were the Draconians doing out there?" "They homed in on the same tracer we did." "Of course, they had no idea Garridan was out there, and they won't - not as long as we keep those guards under detention." "There we are." "It's the basic engineering design of a Draconian starship." "Unfortunately, their pyramidal weapon is so new we can't pinpoint the control room, but if we analyse the power-flow charts, we can find possible locations." "Dr Huer, there's no time for that." "Princess Ardala is expecting Buck in her chambers within the hour." "Well, Dr Huer, would you be kind enough to prepare a shuttle for me?" "We don't want to keep the Princess waiting." "Good evening, Princess." "Hello, Captain Rogers." "It's good to see you again." "You're looking..." "Well, what can I say?" "Thank you." "I'll take that as a compliment." " I assume you had a pleasant journey." " Very." "You couldn't have been more punctual." "Kane, inform the royal council and witnesses that Phase One has begun, and leave us now." "You, too, Tigerman." "I couldn't be in safer hands." " You never did have him leashed." " Humorous, as always." "This is lovely." "You've had it redecorated since I was here last." "It's perfect for first-phase stipulations." " Stipulations?" " Yes, contractual requirements." "Sounds very romantic." "Well, for Draconian royalty, the act of formal union - marriage in the Terran vernacular - has three parts." "Of which Phase One is the first part?" "And the most enjoyable." "We drink, talk, dance... and get to know each other much, much better." "In the days of antiquity we called that dating." " Dating?" " It's an old Earth courtship ritual." "Boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, they go to dinner, a movie..." " dancing..." " And then?" "And then later back to her place." "Turn the lights down kinda low, put a little music on the stereo-audio-visual entertainment centre." "Break open a little wine, snuggle up." "Tribal courtship rituals can be fascinating." "Tell me, just out of curiosity, what happens in Phases Two and Three?" "In the second phase you prove your worthiness by competing in the arena with Tigerman." "Fascinating." "I'm not surprised that a man of your courage would feel that way." "Of course, if you win tomorrow, the third phase will take place at noon - the great event itself, the wedding ceremony." "At which point you will be given this." " Princess, I'm touched." " So I see, Captain." "You'll be happy to learn that once it's fastened round your neck, it cannot be removed." " As a symbol of my eternal devotion." " Eternal." "As your loyal and loving husband." "Very loyal and very loving." "You idiot!" "I didn't want to be disturbed." "What are you doing?" "Since they've brought it, bring it in." "Do you think disturbing me twice is better than once?" "For safekeeping." "Sorry about the interruption, Buck." "Shouldn't we share this with Tigerman?" "He's gonna need all the strength he can get tomorrow." "You're going to need all your strength tonight." " Delicious." " Antaraen brandy." "To wedded bliss." "To the most genetically sound and physically attractive male in the universe." "Tell me... that necklace, does it serve any other function aside from symbolic?" "Let's say it's a gentle reminder of your eternal devotion." "If you should do anything that displeases me, an electronic signal will cause the band to shrink, tighten, constrict to half its diameter around your neck." "Well, let's see." "I wear a 16 collar." "That would make it about an 8." "Specifically, Captain, it would make you dead within one tenth of a second." "Let's eat." "I'm starving." "Buck should have arrived in the mother ship an hour ago." "He should be in Ardala's chambers by now." "Unless the Draconian scanning device has detected the transmitter and weaponry we hid on his person." "Well, I was just trying to explore all the alternatives." "Yes, of course." "I know." "I know." "Bidibidibidi." "Buck'll be OK." "I hope so." "God only knows what he's going through right now." " Do you feel..." " What?" "...as good as I do?" " Better." " Just one thing bothers me." " Don't let anything bother you, Buck." "Well, yeah, but... when I become your husband and you succeed to the throne..." "Yes." "It's just that that kind of authority is pretty scary." "I hope I can live up to your idea of a Draconian monarch." "Well, you just let me rule the kingdom." "All you have to do is what you're doing right now." "Thanks, I will." "Night-night." " (Bleeping)" " Colonel?" "Dr Huer, Buck's activated his subcutaneous transmitter." "Buck!" " 'Can you hear me?" "'" " Not so loud, Doc." "This transmitter's implanted too close for comfort." " Buck, are you OK?" " I'm fine." "Security didn't catch the transmitter or the black-light bomb in my ring." "Very well." "According to our calculations, the control room is on Level 5, Sector 12." "Buck..." "Kane, I want an armed detail sent to my chambers immediately." "Dr Huer, I think I've hit Beta." " Weapons control?" " Right." "I need to know the shortest route to one of the hangar bays." "Hold it, Rogers!" "You're a stubborn man, Rogers." "Maybe that's what the Princess sees in you." "They told me they found you on Level 5, Buck." "You didn't try to get to one of the hangar bays, did you?" "Not at all." "I was simply taking a walk to clear my head - all that brandy." "And to think I believed you really wanted to be with me." "The arena is ready." "Captain Rogers isn't." "Tell him what's expected of him." "Using the weapons within the arena, you and Tigerman will do battle." "You see, however symbolically, Buck, I must be won in order to be wed." "I've seen you fight." "You use your brains, whereas Tigerman barely knows where his are." "Of course, it is a fight to the death." "If you lose, you die." "Kane, inform the witnesses we may begin." "Captain Rogers is ready now." "(Tigerman growls)" "I'm not going to kill him." "I will not kill him." "It's obvious from Tigerman's condition that Captain Rogers is the winner." "According to the law, there is no winner until one of them lies dead." "But it's the spirit of the law that must be obeyed, not the letter." "Right, Kane?" "I'm glad you agree." "Since there are no objections, the wedding ceremony will go on." "Dr Huer, data from the Communications Directorate indicates the weapon is leaving Earth orbit." "Well, for what it's worth, they seem to be keeping their word." "It might interest you to know the pyramid is in defensive orbit of the ship, not Earth." "We keep our word." "How does it feel, being Draco's right-hand man all these years and then seeing not only the Draconian throne but Ardala herself given to another man?" "Why not use the weapon against Draco?" "I'll simply wait for the inevitable, Captain Rogers - your execution." "Let us begin." " You look marvellous." " Thank you." "So do you." "Kane?" "As Minister of Extraplanetary Affairs, Kane will conduct the ceremony." "Those who are about to be joined, prepare yourselves." "At least the Draconians did not discover Buck's transmitter implant." "He's stationary, in Ardala's chamber." "That must mean the ceremony's underway." "We shall commence with the sacred ritual of Phase Three." "Talk about shotgun weddings." "Having been singled out by the Royal Council of Draconia and having proved your worthiness in battle, you'll be joined with Princess Ardala forever." "After him!" "He's moving." "Bidibidibidi." "Attaboy, Buck!" "'Intruder alert in Sector G." "'All security personnel, decks 6, 7 and 9.'" " Doc, Wilma, can you hear me?" " Perfectly." "Are you all right?" "I'll let you know in a minute." "Yahoo!" "He's gonna make it!" "'Security team 7, block off all access portals at once.'" " After him!" " 'Repeat." "Intruder alert in Sector G.'" "I'm in the control centre." "Bidibidibidi." "Yippee." "Theo, how about some advice?" "What you're trying to do is build up a maximum charge and give it nowhere to go." "He's in there." "Open it." "Fire!" "He's destroying the weapon." "Do something!" " I'm getting a power feedback." " Buck, get out of there." "Bring him here." "I said, bring him here." "What are you waiting for?" "Look at me when I speak to you!" "I have given you a direct order and I wish to be obeyed." "Pick up Captain Rogers and take him back to my chambers or I'll have you executed." "Aah!" "What are you doing?" "It seems he intends to kill you unless you let them go." "After all, he does owe Rogers his life." " Why, you pig-headed monster!" " Grrrr!" "It would appear, Princess, it's either you or them." "What is your wish?" "Let us go, Princess." "There'll be another time, another place, won't there?" "All right." "No." "Captain Rogers is correct." "There will be another time." " Tigerman." " I owed you a life." "We are now even." "What is he doing?" "Well, thanks to Dr Junius in the Archives, he's listening to a tape of Meatloaf." "Don't ask." "Buck, you do realise, had it not been a question of thousands of lives, we'd never have betrayed you." "I invited you here to show there are no hard feelings." "The pyramid has gone, Ardala and Kane are gone, I'm here - and I'm single - and I'm going to introduce you to some old-fashioned split-pea soup." "It's actually a soya bean derivative, but it's the same principle." " Who'd like the first taste?" " Oh..." "No, I..." "I don't think that would work." " What do you think, Doctor?" " Twiki does have tactile sensors." "While his system is incapable of anything like digestion, it's not beyond his abilities to taste." "Bidibidibidi." "No way, José!"