"IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU" "Once upon a time in New York, there was a cop named Charlie." "He was a very decent guy, as was his partner, Bo." "He was a good listener." "He loved kids." "He had patience and common sense." "He was resourceful." "Okay people, let's go." "Step lively now, come on." "He was just a good cop." "Charlie lived happily in Queens, where he was born and grew up." " Yo, Charlie!" " Jesu!" " Kill anybody today?" " Didn't even wound anybody." " You won't see your wife?" " I mustn't surprise her at work." "Charlie was married to Muriel." "She hated Queens." "If he was a detective, he'd have decent clothes." " But he's got to wear the uniform." " I feel for you." "You have ambition." "I never pushed him enough." "If he was on the take, I'd say, "He has initiative!"" "My sister was married to a cop." "It's a no-win situation." "Either they're honest and broke, or crooks that never come home." "What did she do?" "She left him and married an electrician." "That's real money." "I'm running out of patience." "I'm a person who needs money." "And then there's Yvonne, a waitress, who gets some terrible news." "Miss Biasi, it says here that you owe $12,000 on your MasterCard." "Those charges were incurred by my ex-husband, after I threw him out." "The bank is not aware of your divorce." "We're not divorced yet, but I told him to tear up the credit cards." "If you're not divorced yet, you're liable for your husband's debts." "I'm divorced in my heart." "That's what counts." "Legally, that's not what counts." "Do you know how much it costs?" "Have you ever been divorced?" "Probably not." "Probably you've had good luck your entire life." "Which is the opposite of me." "If the MasterCard is in your name, it's your responsibility." "Listen, please." "I came to New York five years ago, to be an actress." "I was in "Our Town"." "I played Emily." "People cried buckets." " I'm sure they were." " Will there be anything else?" "So I come to New York, and I meet Eddie." "Talk about the worst luck of all!" "He swept me off my feet." "He bought me flowers, he took me to real restaurants." "With linen, wine and good lighting, you know?" "It was perfect, except he turned out to be a pathological liar." "I believed every word he said, because I had faith in people." "So, in short..." "What are my options here?" "Charlie, Muriel and Yvonne lived in a city   where people pray for miracles every day." "Like winning the $64-million lottery." "My name is Angel." "This story..." "Well, it's pretty much all true." "I had a dream last night." "I got three cherries on a slot machine, " "I had a dream last night." "I got three cherries on a slot machine,   but they were the face of my dead father." "It's a sign." " But you hated your father." " No matter." "A sign is a sign." " You think I'm nuts, but we'll win." " I didn't say you were nuts." "I said the odds of winning the lottery are not overwhelming." "One bedroom in Queens is not my idea of living." "One bedroom is fine." "If we had kids, it would be another story." " We can't afford to have kids." " Of course we can!" "Cops have kids!" "Firemen have kids..." " That's why we have public schools." " Just get the ticket!" "She's got to get real." "You got to tell her, "I'm out here every day,   getting paid, bringing it home. " She's got to listen to you." " You can't be serious!" " It takes two minutes." "I'm starving, man!" "This is police business, step aside." "It'll take two minutes..." "This will take forever." "And Burger King's another five blocks." " It's only across the street." " What, that place?" "Oh, no..." " Where the hell were you?" " I told you." "A personal matter." " Then it comes off your pay cheque." " But I have sick days coming!" "You want a sick day, get sick." "If you're healthy, you work." "Get me some coffee." "On your head, sweetie pie." " That guy sets a nice tone." " Yeah, like a drill sergeant." "Here we go." " You want some coffee?" " Please." " You guys know what you want?" " Cheeseburger and blueberry muffin." "And you, Officer?" "You recommend the lobster thermidor?" "That's really funny." "I'm gonna die laughing." " Especially today." "What a treat!" " You've had a bad day?" " Call me when you're ready." " A meatball sandwich." "Really!" "Meatball?" "You are very brave, Officer." " She likes you, she really does." " I was trying to cheer her up." " Store alarm on Spring Street..." " Well, I'm full!" "I'm gonna starve to death." "Your turn to pay." " Miss, we've got to run." " After that whole routine?" " When those radios go off..." " Where, where?" "Two coffees plus taxes..." "Two, even." "Oh, Jeez..." "I'm short." " Fine, Officer." "No charge." " No, it's the tip..." " I'll live!" " I can't not leave a tip." "A lottery ticket?" "With my luck?" "Go, get the cat out of the tree, or whatever..." "No, that's the Fire Department." " Come on, Charlie!" " In a second." "I got an idea." "What's your name?" "Yvonne?" "I'm Charlie Lang, and we're partners." "If I win, I give you half." "If not, I'll leave a tip." "What do you think?" " I'll never see you again." " You'll see me tomorrow." " Well, I'll be here." " You've got a deal." " All right, five more minutes." " I ordered Chinese." "Come up!" " In a minute." " Are you whipped?" "No, I've got adult responsibilities." "Next batter!" "That's it!" "I'm out of here." " Jesu!" "Vien aqui, la comida." " I'm coming, Mom!" " Are you whipped, Jesu?" " It's my mother, that's different." "Did you have surgery last night?" "You mean these?" "No, it's just a prosthetic bra..." "Charlie, don't do that next to me!" "That's disgusting." " I'm just soaking my feet." " Please!" " Since when did this bother you?" " Since now, okay?" "You're spilling water everywhere!" "I'll call the Red Cross and tell them we're a disaster area." "I have some larger ones that I change into after work." "Charlie..." "Should I get my boobs done?" " Done?" " Enlarged." "So I could be like that." "Are you nuts?" "It seems so extreme." " Forget it." " I just don't think you need it." "Look, I had to declare bankruptcy." "When will I be able to get my MasterCard back?" "What are my chances?" " Under 15,000 a year..." " Shall I speak to them?" "Love to." "I see." "Well, thank you." "That's what I thought." " What did they say?" " My chances are slim to none." "The lotto jackpot has grown to over $64 million." "We'll check the winning numbers when we return." " You got the numbers wrong!" " Wrong?" " Our anniversary is the 27th." " We always celebrate on the 26th." "We got the licence on the 26th." "We got married on the 27th." " So why do we go out on the 26th?" " I don't know, maybe it's custom." "The fact is, I told you our anniversary." "To anybody with any sense, that means the day they got married." "I am sorry, darling." "Did he say 26?" "Those numbers again are:" "6, 12, 16, 26, 64, 84." "We won!" "We got the jackpot!" " That's unbelievable!" " We're rich!" " The jackpot?" " We're rich, rich, rich!" " What are we having?" " BLT down with turkey bacon." " Any Miracle Whip?" " Yes." "No matter how broke I am." "You have to have things that are stable." "Permanent." " Oreos, Smuckers..." " Exactly." " Thank you." " Will there be anything else?" "Will there be anything else?" "There'll never be anything else." "God, I hate this." "I feel bankrupt." "What?" "A bowling team had the same numbers!" " They get nine million!" " Why am I not surprised?" " How many are on the team?" " Average team is twelve guys." "Do each of them get a piece, or do you consider them as one?" "Muriel... your veins, they're bulging out of your neck." "You look like a psycho." "Oh, my God." "The bowlers, thank God, only count as one." "That's 16 people that picked these numbers..." "Oh, God." "That only leaves us with..." "Four million." "We could live on that, right?" "We could live on less, even." "Let's pray nobody else calls in, so we don't have to split it again." "What?" "What?" "You're making me nervous." "Honey..." "I've got something to tell you." " A complete stranger?" "Charlie!" " I owed her a tip." "A tip?" "Two million dollars?" "Come on!" "I never thought we'd win, darling." " But we did win, like I said." " But not with your numbers." "Don't do that!" "Because you know and I know   that in my dream, my dead father came." "In his eyes he had dollar signs." "And a "4" in place of the pupil." "That's ridiculous." "He was a nut job, he prayed to chickens." "He wants us to have the four million." "If he intended us to have half, there would have been a "2"." "It's not the right thing." "The right thing?" "What the hell is that?" "You've always done the right thing for everybody else." "Just once, please, do the right thing for us." "I gave her my word." " Honey..." "Do you love me?" " Of course I love you." "Then stiff her." "Stiff her and smell the flowers." "For me." " What would you do?" " I'd buy the Knicks." " I mean, about the girl." " I'd take her to watch me play." "I'd start myself as a very small, round forward." "So you agree with Muriel?" "Giving her half is crazy?" "If I can't have the Knicks, I want season tickets   where you sit with Jack Nicholson and Spike Lee." " A promise is a promise." " And a stereo for the whole house." "So you don't have to carry around that boom box." "I could tell her I just won $5,000." "So... season tickets, stereo system, Mazda GL6?" " I couldn't just lie like that." " A boat!" "I've never been on one." " Are you listening?" " You'll do the appropriate thing." " Which is?" " I don't know." "That's your field." "Tuna on whole wheat, one scrambled soft, toast crisp, tea with lemon." " Everything okay?" " Yeah, thanks." " You're back." " I said I'd be back." " Coffee?" " No, thanks." "I just wanted to..." "I'm sorry I was so rude yesterday." "But it was the worst day of my life." "Yvonne, wake up!" " You're all dreaming." " Quit the socialising!" "Don't go, I want to apologise in detail." "Western for Walter." "And for Timothy, oatmeal like Mom used to make." "My mother never made oatmeal." "She never made food in her life." "Bloody Marys, she made." "White Russians..." " But she had a great personality." " So did Imelda Marcos." " She produced a nice son, right?" " You're okay." "Eat!" " He's got it, huh?" " Yeah, a couple of years." "He's really starting to go downhill." "In and out of hospital..." "What a world!" "We should appreciate every moment, not be spiteful." " I know just what you mean." " Yvonne!" "Speaking of which..." "What I have is a bill for $9.53." "What I do not have is the $9.53!" " He went to get his wallet..." " Never let them out the door!" " What is this, a soup kitchen?" " I made a mistake." "You sure did!" "The $9.53 comes out of your cheque." "Bring me some coffee." "Let me!" "Enjoy!" " Now that's coffee!" " So, what'll it be?" " They're right there..." " Amazing, but true." " We've no cantelope or grapefruit." " I'm not hungry." "The thing is..." "I got something for you." " For me?" " It's just a trifle." "May I?" "It's a string for your glasses, so they hang around your neck." "So you'll know where they are." "At all times." "This is... the nicest thing anyone's ever gotten me." " I certainly hope not." " It's close." "You sure I can't get you anything?" "Coffee?" "Decaf, please." "I've reached my target heart rate." "Decaf it is!" " So..." "You've had bad luck?" " Unbelievable!" "When I was eleven, my dog died of parvo." "I don't know to this day what parvo is." "I married the wrong man." "I mean the wrong, by a lot, man!" "Now I can't afford to get divorced." "I mean, I'm used to my luck..." "But yesterday, I went bankrupt before I came into work." "That's why I was so rude to you." "You went bankrupt?" " Look!" "From the officer." " That's sweet, honey." "About our little agreement..." "Double the tip, or half of what I won in the lottery." " That agreement..." " Let's make it your choice." "Door one, double the tip." "Door two, half my winnings." "My choice?" "Okay..." "Whatever." "I'll take door number two." "I'll take half of the lottery." " You're sure?" " Positive." " I hoped you'd say that." " I'll bet!" "Better luck next time." "Actually, we were pretty lucky." " Did you win something?" " We won something." "We won something?" "What did we win?" "Four million dollars." "Why are you doing this?" "This sick joke!" " It's not a joke." " No?" "What you're saying to me..." "You think I'm making this up?" "I'm not!" "We won." "The lottery?" "The actual New York State lottery?" "Four million dollars?" "It happened last night." "It would have been more,   but a bowling team took about nine million out of the pot." "And you're telling me that you'll actually split it with me?" "A promise is a promise." "Oh, my God..." " You all right?" " Oh, my God!" "Now I know why all these bad things happened." "It's so stupendously, phenomenally, unbelievably great!" "Because I had such bad luck..." "Who wants ice cream?" "Who wants pie?" "Wait a minute!" "I can't accept this, can I?" "I can't accept this!" "I want to, so desperately, but..." " This neurotic part of me says..." " Accept it!" " How can I?" " I want you to have it." " With all my heart." " Yvonne, take it!" "Muriel, $2 million is still an enormous amount." "You should be committed to an asylum for life." "They should give you a straitjacket and take you to the loony bin!" "Look sweetheart, you weren't there..." "She has customers with Al DS, and treats them like an angel." " She's got a boss from hell..." " Why not give her all the money?" " Get off my foot!" " We're doing the right thing." "And the whole city will admire you." "You'll be a celebrity." "Maybe I could get some commercial endorsements?" "Absolutely. "Muriel Lang, the woman with the heart of gold. "" "You can endorse shampoos, conditioners, nail polish..." ""Muriel Lang, the woman with the heart of gold!"" "Well, I'd better get something out of this." " Bowling for dollars!" " I want my cheque, Harry." "Some of New York's luckiest people are here in Manhattan   to stake their claim in the state's $64-million lotto jackpot." " So you promised Miss Biasi half?" " As a tip." "A tip?" "We got a cop that gave a waitress a $2-million tip!" "We're gonna open our own bowling alley..." " You insulted him." " Next time, you talk!" "I'd like a little cottage in the country." " Excuse me!" " Mrs. Lang, how do you feel?" " I'm Mrs. Lang!" " Mrs. Lang?" "These are for you." " What an incredible woman you are." " You have no idea!" "Does it bother you that he split $4 million with a stranger?" "Not at all." "In the beauty parlour, I'm known as:" ""Muriel Lang, the woman with the heart of gold. "" "And if there are any sponsors out there, like Denorex..." "Which I use, because..." "We've got to get the winners in a group picture." " Miss Biasi, what will you buy?" " A car?" "An apartment?" " I haven't thought about it yet." " A promise is a promise." ""Muriel Lang, woman with the heart of gold. "" "Oh, actress... briefly." "It didn't work out." ""Denorex." "Works out each individual dandruff. "" " Will you stay on the force?" " I'll buy the force!" " Yvonne?" " So it's "Yvonne" already?" " Is this your biggest tip?" " Definitely!" " Have you ever won before?" " Never!" "Big smile, everybody!" "She has no taste." "That outfit looked like it came from the 60's." "I thought she looked just fine." "She's not flashy." "She's just a waitress." "Beauty is my business, defer to my judgement." "My God, it's Bendel's!" "What a feeling, to come here with money." " God bless you." " Stop giving it away to every bum!" "God bless you." " Now I'm happy." " I'm glad, sweetheart." " Now I'm at peace with myself." " I'm glad, sweetheart." "Just a quick stop at Tiffany's, and I'll be born again." "Fur's for animals, not for people!" "Excuse me." "This is Eleanor Smith of MasterCard." "You are now eligible, " " Miss Yvonne Biasi, for a $20, 000 line of credit." "Please call me at 1-800-555-2000." " I've died and gone to heaven." " Hi Yvonne, congratulations." "My name is Paul, and I'd like you to spank me with a wire brush." "That's disgusting." " I've got to change my number." " Hello, please leave a message." "Hello?" "Sweetheart?" "C'est moi!" "I'll bet you're there!" "I know you're mad about the account." " But I can explain." " Stay out of my life, Eddie." "You are there." "Hi, baby!" "The only reason you're calling is the lottery." "What?" "You won something?" " Die!" " No, baby." "I'm serious." "I've been out of town." "The lottery?" "That's fabulous." "You did good?" "I did all right." "Well, that's great, baby." "No one deserves it more." "I mean that." "From the bottom of my heart." " Hello?" " Please, don't ever call me again." " When are you retiring?" " I'm not retiring!" "Get off my case." "Where's that sense of humour?" "A guy calls at 3 a. m., says he's holding a gun to his head..." "Unless you give him $1,000 he'll pull the trigger." "If he called me at 3 a. m., I'd tell him to do it." " That really happen?" " Last night." "This lottery thing..." " You become this other person." " I feel bad for you, baby." "I'm not bad-mouthing it." "I'm just saying, it's an adjustment." "Sun." "How are things in the mysterious East?" " Very good." "Very busy." " No unjustified price increases?" "Good!" "Two coffees, one regular, one light." " How's the wife?" " She has the flu." "On the house." "Thank you." "That's very sweet of you." "Down there, make a right." "Our favourite Korean is getting robbed right now." " He said his wife has the flu." " She'd work if she was dead!" " Then he gives me coffee for free." " Shit!" "How do we play it?" "Stay here, I'll go through the basement." "Call for some back-up." "Faster!" "Nobody moves!" "A carton of Virginia Slims!" "That cop's just sitting out there." "Don't worry about the cop." "What was that?" "Come here." "Watch him!" "Come on, pal." "Move!" " What's back there?" " Nothing." " What about that door?" " Basement." "Just rats." " Rats?" " Big ones." "I hate rats." "Don't you keep this place clean?" "Nobody move!" "What's with this cop?" "He's got nothing better to do than write tickets?" "With all the crime in this city?" " What do we do?" " Wait, till he leaves." " What if he doesn't leave?" " He'll leave." "Just shut up!" " What's the matter?" " I think it's a heart attack." " Shut up!" " Call a doctor." "I'm the doctor here, honey!" "Get up, Charlie!" "You all right?" "Get inside, there's another one inside." "Come on, Charlie, get up." "You all right?" " Why didn't you just shoot him?" " Too many customers." " You all right, man?" " Yeah..." "I'm great." "Oh man, you got shot!" "He saved lives and prevented injuries, though not to himself." "And certainly not to the criminals he stopped." "So I give to Officer Charles Lang this citation for bravery,   and wish him a quick recovery." "Thank you very much." "I guess fate's telling me to take it easy." "Or so says my wife." "I love being a cop, lottery or no lottery." "I think it's the most important job in the world." "So I'll be donating $10,000 to the Policemen's Widows' Fund." "Thanks a lot!" "You're too young to be hanging around." "I'm injured." "Don't you read the papers?" " You're a hero?" "Play with one hand." " If I could, I would." " See you." " Yeah, see you later." "Good afternoon, sir." " This looks like Beirut!" " Isn't it great?" "We'll go co-op next year, and sell the apartment." " Mr. Patel told me." " Hi, I'm your accountant." " All the best on your new fortune." " Thank you." " He says we'll get $100,000 for it." " Minimum!" "And we beat the taxes if we move to Jersey." " But I want to stay here." " And do what?" "Play stickball?" "It's the architect." "Excuse me!" " Where's my chair?" " I gave it to Goodwill." "But I loved that chair!" "You could have asked me." "Why should I?" "You're the one that loves to give everything away." "Women!" "Who can live with them?" "And without them?" "What?" "Gray's Antiques had another break-in." "Two brothers walked off with a Biedermeyer chest." "Gray says, "How could black guys know what it's worth?"" "He said that?" "What did you say?" ""They must get the African-American Antiques Newsletter. "" "He pissed me off." " I miss you, man." " I'm going out of my mind." "My house is a wreck, and I've got nothing to do..." "Well, that's retirement." " Well! "Yvonne's"." " She bought it a few weeks ago." " Can I get you anything else?" " Tea, please." "Eight wants tea." " How's the soup?" " Not enough basil." "You're kidding..." "I'll see what I can do." " Go in." "Say hello." " Forget it, she's busy." "I know you're dying to go in there." "No, I've got to get home." "But I got you something." "Season tickets to the Knicks." " They're not on the floor..." " Knicks tickets?" "For me?" " I couldn't get the floor." " Don't worry, give me some!" " Knicks tickets!" " I'm glad she's doing well." "Why the coat?" "It's a warm night." "Maybe I'll get a chill later." "Just hold it." " There's a lot of people here." " Isn't it great?" "I feel like we're at the Academy Awards." "I'm going to go circulate." "Here's your lipstick." "I won $55 million, and increased my net worth 40 percent   through well-chosen mutual funds." " 40 percent?" " At virtually no risk." "S  L funds, Biotech funds..." "Gold funds, they were a disaster." " Stay away from those." " What about Treasury Bills?" "They're for little old ladies." "Which you certainly are not." "Aren't you a tiger!" "Why can't you change 20 dollars?" "You drive all day!" " We go get change." " No, you have to break this." "Hi!" "Hi..." "Can you break a 20?" "Repeat after me:" ""Keep the change. "" " Keep the change." " Thank you." " Oh my God, the boat!" " Oh, no!" "Wait!" "I suppose your wife is..." "She's in her element." "Stockbrokers, accountants." "She'll enjoy it." " What about you?" " I hate boats." "I'm relieved." " I think this is sturgeon." " Definitely not." " It's like velvet." " Scottish salmon." "The very best." "More champagne?" " It's not bad, for a Californian." " You're not kidding." "Fooled me." " This is living." " And it's just beginning." " You can say that again!" " And it's just beginning." "Thank you." "It's a pleasure to have you here." "A cocktail?" "Some champagne?" "Champagne?" "Champagne." " You decided not to be an actress?" " I decided to become a waitress." "I had the "tress" part right." "And I was a great waitress." "I saw you bought the place." " I passed by the other day." " And you didn't come in?" "Well, I..." "I figured you were busy." "Please, you have to come in and see what I did." "I have a table with your name on it, for people who can't afford a meal." "Of course." "After what you did." "What I did?" "I made a promise and I kept it, period." " Most people would do the same." " Nobody would!" "Are you kidding?" "What you did was like a fairy tale." "And everyone gets to live happily ever after?" " Well, that's a hopeful sight." " You think?" "I always wonder..." "What's in store for them?" "Are they going to be happy?" "If she puts on 50 pounds, will he love her anyway?" " How long were you married?" " Three years." "To an actor named Eddie." "Who suggested, if we had a child, that we name him Al Pacino." " Al Pacino Biasi." " Come on!" "Muriel and I met in high school, in one of those cooking classes   where the boys dress like chefs." "And there might be a fire drill..." " And you're outside in your aprons?" " Exactly." "Even now, I get chills." "Anyhow, we started dating, and..." "Muriel was the first girl I ever..." "Really?" " Oh." "Well, that's sweet." " I guess." "We went to get the marriage licence, and there was this other couple..." "Orthodox Jews." "It was an arranged marriage." "They weren't allowed to see each other." "They couldn't get a glimpse." "And I thought, "They don't even know if they're attracted. "" ""They don't know if they've got anything to talk about. "" "Now, ten years later, I bet they're happily married with six kids." "But Muriel and I have nothing to say." "I don't know what happened." "We're on two different channels." "I'm CN N, she's "Home Shopping"." "How would you feel about dancing?" "Oh, I'd... be in favour of it." "When I was on night shift, I felt like an explorer." "There's this whole other city that goes on all night long." " Am I talking incessantly?" " Yes." "But I like it." "I myself am a talker." "It's nice to meet somebody you can just talk with, and hang with." "Look... here's the thing." "I'm free all the time, basically." "So if you ever want to do something, or you want company..." "Really?" "How about tomorrow?" " Too soon?" " No, not at all." "Okay, great." "I'll have Carol watch the register,   and you could pick me up at noon?" "I'll be there." "Goodnight." "Weirdest thing happened." "I thought I'd dropped my wallet." "Weirdest thing happened." "I came out because I felt seasick." "Weirdest thing happened..." " I have some ideas for you..." " Weirdest thing happened." " I have some ideas for you..." " Weirdest thing happened." "Wasn't the veal fabulous?" "That was what was so weird." "I expected chicken." "I would have come sit with you, but Mr. Gross..." "Jack Gross." "Pleased to meet you, Officer." "He's going to help us develop an economic strategy." " What a great idea." " She's some girl." "Smart." "Beautiful..." "And she knows what she wants." " See?" " I agree." "Thank you very much for a very stimulating evening, Mr. Gross." " If you ever need any advice..." " I will be calling." "Ready?" " I got to get my coat." " Bye-bye." " You're doing great!" " I never had great balance." "I tried skiing." "They threw me off the "Peter Rabbit" slope." " Your knees." "That's the problem." " One of them!" "There's a little bit of a hill here, so you might want to watch it." " Slow down!" " I can't." " Sure you can!" " Sure I can't!" "Charlie, turn!" " Are you okay?" " Fine." "I'll catch leprosy from the water, but otherwise I'm okay." "So I guess this is it for you and rollerblading?" "I would have to say yes." "Okay, your turn." "What next?" "What do you want to do?" "Ladies and gentlemen, I've just won the lottery." "Tonight's ride home is on me and Miss Yvonne Biasi." " What's going on?" " They're treating everybody." " This is going to be hard to top." " I'll top it." "Welcome to Charlie Lang, Yvonne Biasi, " " Officer Bo Williams   and all the kids from Woodside, Queens." "I know, I know." "I'm trying." "It was a great day for me, too." " What the hell is she doing?" " She's pissed, whatever it is." " Congratulations, Mr. Token Man." " Oh God!" " Honey, I'm home." " No, you have to leave." " Stop eating my macadamia nuts!" " Give me a kiss." " You can't stay here." "Out!" " Why?" "You expecting company?" "Not Officer Krupke, the saintly cop?" "There's nothing going on." "And he's not a saint,   simply a decent human being." "Something you couldn't..." "If you eat one more of those..." " Are you having an affair?" " No, we just hang out together." "You should have heard that bitch downstairs talking about it." "What's the real issue here?" "Us, or what some idiot neighbour thinks?" "It's been like a cold war." "If I try to talk about it, you..." " I just tried to make you happy." " No, that's not all." "I used to come home, and you'd hug me." "You'd kiss me and ask how my day was." "When did you do that last?" "It's not important." "It's history." " You go around with this girl!" " I'm not having an affair." "This thing between you and the cop is none of my business." "But... there is one thing that's very important." "This:" "Don't be afraid." ""The Eddie Biasi Players!"" "You want money." "Of course you want money." "Just fifty grand in seed money." "Then we're off." "Picture this..." "Of course not." "Not Mr. Saintly." "You're too good to have an affair." "I'm just so sick of it!" "Your niceness and decency." "You're nothing." "A working-class stiff." "Blue collar all the way." "I'm not gonna change, Muriel." "I know." " So I want a divorce." " You want a divorce?" "As soon as possible." "I have wings, Charlie." "I want to fly." "Honey?" "The bottom line is, I'm sticking around until you kick in." "You stick around." "I'm out of here." "Where are you going, big shot?" "The Plaza?" "Yeah, the Plaza." "If you're here when I get back, I'll call the cops." "And believe me, I am now in a position to get them to come." " Where you going?" " A hotel." " You mean, you and her..." " We're history." " Can't say I'm surprised." " No?" "It's funny, I am." "No matter what comes before, you don't expect this." " What hotel, Charlie?" " The Holiday Inn on Ninth." "Holiday Inn?" "Charlie, you won the lottery." "One night at least, stay at the Plaza." "Maybe I will." "You're a real pal, you know that?" "I'll see you guys." "Good evening." "I'd like to get a room." "I'm not that waitress, if that's what you're thinking." "I didn't think so." " Single or double?" " A single." " Smoking or non-smoking?" " Non-smoking." "Sir, can I help you?" " He moved back in." " She threw me out." "811 is this way, ma'am." "Sir?" "If you'll just follow me..." " That was the cop." " That's the waitress." "Checked your bathroom yet?" "There's a robe." " Are you serious?" " Swear to God!" " Well... goodnight." " Come in." "Unbelievable!" "Your room is exactly like mine, just a different colour." "Would you like some fruit?" "You have some in your room." "Every room probably has fruit." " There's really a robe?" " Terry cloth." "Nice... really nice." "It's for sale." "You can buy it for like $100." "I think it's $100." "I'll do it." "I'll split it with you." "We'll share." "You have it one month, then me..." " Or every other day, or weekends." " Or we could get two." " Why am I so nervous?" " I don't know." " We've spent so much time together." " Maybe that's why." "Here we go..." "There they are!" " Unbelievable!" " Make yourselves comfortable." " I mean, I've seen some offices..." " Walter, please." "They must charge you an arm and a leg." "Just the chairs..." " A glass of water?" " Real leather." "I thought so." " Where's Muriel?" " Mrs. Lang just stepped out." "And here she is." " You had them done." " Had what done?" " Can we proceed?" " What did she have done?" " I'll tell you later." " Let's cut to the chase." "The lottery money should not be divided." "It was Mrs. Lang's ticket." " Completely unacceptable." " It's all right." "She can have my half." "Come here." "Are you nuts?" "You're giving up without a fight?" "She can have my half, period." " You're talking a million dollars!" " Walter, please!" "You got to be kidding me!" " We concede the point." " That's a very mature attitude." "As to their pre-lottery holdings, we have a bank account totalling  $3,611." "I insist we split this 50-50." "Chump change." "That's basically it." "There's furnishings, some good linens..." "Not quite accurate, Mr. Zakuto." "We are also attaching the monies given by Mr. Lang to Miss Biasi." "That is out of bounds!" "Mr. Lang volunteered his wife's earnings without her consent." "That's horrible, Muriel." "Please, think about what you're doing." "We believe that he and Miss Biasi had a long-standing relationship   that he deliberately deceived his wife about." "And we have drafted a letter to Miss Biasi   demanding that she return the money in full, or face penalties." " I can't believe this!" " I can't listen to this screaming." " Our whole marriage was like this." " It was not." "Is this just to get even with Yvonne?" "I am tired of your physical abuse." "Did you see that?" "If you fellows need a cab, my secretary will call one." "How am I going to say this to Yvonne?" "You'll have to stop seeing her for a while." "This is Yvonne Biasi." "Please leave a message after the beep." "Yvonne, I just wanted to say I'm thinking about you." "We'll win this, because it's right." "It's not your fault." "I'm at Bo's at 555-3840." "I guess I'll see you in court." "I hope you don't mind sleeping on the floor." " There's beer in the fridge." " Thanks for the blanket, Tracey." "Goodnight, Gail." "I'm sorry." ""The trial, which has attracted citywide interest, begins today. "" " This whole thing is unbelievable!" " My money's on Yvonne." " What are your birthday's numbers?" " 12, 16, 64." "12... 16... 64." "And the numbers for your anniversary, my dear?" "6, 26, 84." "6, 26..." "Did I hear 26?" "As a matter of fact, weren't you married on the 27th?" " Yes." " So your husband picked 26?" " Objection." "What's the point?" " The point is, Counsellor..." "The point is, Your Honour..." "I am demonstrating   that Mr. Lang is responsible for the winning ticket." "Overruled." "So, Mrs. Lang, your husband picked the 26th on his own, correct?" " No." " No?" "There was you..." "there was your husband..." "Who else was there that morning?" "My dead father." " Excuse me?" " My dead father, God rest his soul." "He came to me in a dream. "Baby", he said, floating out the window." "He had these big angel wings, the perfect colour of white leather." "He says, "Baby, it's time to go to the church." "You'll be late. "" "To my shock, I'm standing there in my wedding gown." "So I run down Queen's Boulevard, through Flatbush... impossible!" "I came to the church:" "St. Catherine's of the Holy Lotto." "And then I realised I wasn't late, I was a whole day early." "God, I wanted to die!" "Then my father was standing right next to me." "And he says, "Little girl, don't cry. "" ""Because to me, your anniversary will always be on the 26th. "" "M U Rl EL'S DREAM DEAD FATH ER PICKED Wl N N ERS" "Mr. Lang." "Have you ever purchased nail polish remover for your wife?" "Quiet, please!" "Nail polish remover?" " A couple of times, I guess." " And you paid for it?" "Did you therefore consider it yours?" "No, I guess I didn't." "Did you force your wife to split the ticket with Miss Biasi?" "I only said we should do the right thing." " Were you wearing a gun?" " Of course not." " You hit her, didn't you?" " I never, ever..." "You are under oath, Mr. Lang!" " Okay, once I grabbed her arm..." " No further questions." "Your witness, Counsellor." "Miss Biasi." "Would you describe your financial circumstances   before Mr. Lang offered you half his wife's winning ticket?" "I was struggling to make ends meet." "Isn't it a fact you owed $12,000 on your MasterCard?" " That's because my ex-husband..." " Just answer yes or no." "Technically, yes." "But I hadn't overspent." "Didn't you go bankrupt the same day he offered to split the ticket?" "Yes." "But that was just... fate." " Right, fate..." " Yes." "Really." "What was your relationship with Mr. Lang when he made his offer?" " I'd never met him before." " Really?" "Yes, really." "Describe your relationship with Mr. Lang today." "I love him more than anything in the world." "And you went to the Plaza with him the day he left his wife." " Objection!" "What is the relevancy?" " Motivation." "Mrs. Lang had thrown him out, the marriage was in ruins..." "They're trying to make me into a gold-digger... him, the media..." "Control yourself, please." "I've worked all my life." "Finally something wonderful happened." "I met a man who was intelligent, kind and compassionate." "Just knowing him has changed my life." "It's not the money." "He made me believe people were fundamentally decent." "I won't let some lawyer make our relationship look ugly." "Are you divorced?" "You're married to one man, and in love with another." " I couldn't afford to get divorced." " Well, that's convenient!" "In dramatic testimony, Yvonne Biasi was depicted   as a gold-digging nymphomaniac." "A verdict is expected tonight." " Has the jury reached a verdict?" " We have, Your Honour." "What say you?" "We rule in favour of the plaintiff, Mrs. Muriel Lang, on all counts." "The court would like to thank the jury for its service." "Court dismissed." " About your affair with..." " Shut up about her!" "She's down there." "Yvonne!" " Mrs. Lang?" "Your reaction?" " Justice was done." "Aren't the good deeds of your husband..." " We're happy, that's all." " Very happy." "I don't even know where she is." "Look..." "You'll be a cop again." "It's what you love." "I'll be all right." "I'll be all right." "Is anyone here?" "Go away." " You don't want to be with me." " What are you talking about?" " I love you." " Don't you get it?" " I've ruined your life." " I feel like half of me is missing." "You won $4 million." "Do you know what an amazing gift that is?" "And because of me you have nothing." "Because of you, I have you." "Why can't you understand?" "If you don't want me, then I'll walk out that door forever." "But please stop talking about the money." "It means nothing to me." "Do you want me to go?" "No." "Never." "Never, never." "You have to excuse me sometimes, it's just..." "Nobody ever loved me before." " I guess he wants some food." " Shall we invite him in?" "Why not?" "We should leave New York." "I mean, we're like freaks here." "I've got a cousin that lives in Buffalo." "He keeps asking me to visit." "Maybe we can stay there for a while." "I could join the Buffalo force." "I could be a Buffalo waitress." "Tonight, I, Angel Dupree, photographer for the N. Y. Post,   had the chance to study grace and generosity in dire circumstances." "In their darkest hour, the stalwart officer and good-hearted waitress   shared a bowl of soup with me." "When I left, the good Samaritan gave me money,   wishing it could be more." " "Mail it to Yvonne's Coffee Shop. "" " It's a good idea." "I just want to make one stop." " Sweetie..." " I'm okay." " I knew this was a bad idea." " I just wanted to see it again." "Why is the gate open?" "I don't know." "Well, Carol has a key..." "The door's stuck." " What is this?" " It must be a mistake." " "The Good Samaritan's Fund"." " "Lotto Lovers"." ""Yvonne's Coffee Shop. "" " It's five dollars." " Oh, come on!" ""There should be more people like you." "Ethel from Staten Island. "" "Here's a cheque for ten." "This is all for us." "Oh, Charlie!" ""You are an example to all of us." "Betty and Phil." "The Bronx. "" ""We hope you have a great future." "The Garcias, Long Island City. "" "It took them three days to open all their mail." "When they were done, New York had given them a $600, 000 tip." "Charlie went back to the force." "Yvonne got her coffee shop back." "Eddie could only get work driving a cab." "And Muriel..." "She married Jack Gross,   who took her money and fled the country." "Muriel lives in the Bronx now and works in a nail salon." "Charlie, Muriel and Yvonne all lived in a city   where people prayed for miracles." "And sometimes they happened."