"I can't believe we don't get to do that again for another six weeks." "I don't want you to leave." "I love you, hannah." "Promise me you're coming back?" "Coitus eddie-ruptus." "Good-bye sex, huh?" "It's always the best kind." "How would you know?" "You never say good-bye." "You're always around." "So here's what i'm thinking." "We call it "best friend windows." i like it." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Why best friend windows?" "'cause, uh, we're two best friends starting a company at installs windows, 'cause if you don't have windows..." "You're pretty much staring at the wall." "Swell slogan." "What's got her so creased?" "She doesn't think i'm coming home." "Oh, come on!" "How much backpacking through europe can one guy do?" "He'll be back in a few months." "That's what my uncle nate said." "My aunt margaret is still waiting by the window in her shawl." "Nicky, i never knew you could see the college from up here." "Oh, boy, that would have come in handy that summer we had the sniper rifle, huh?" "Where did he go-- uncle nate?" "He went to find himself." "All hail the conquering hero!" "I'm sure you know the thing" "About the search for the grail being the grail itself." "Why you poppin' daffy, freak show?" "The journeyis the destination." "Thanks, physical phil." "Oh, oh, i almost forgot." "Hold on." "Take care of her for me." "You're only gonna be gone for, like, six weeks, bro." "I know, but you never know." "Comen." "Let's go." "The traffic to the airport's bound to be grim." "Give me a sec, dad." "Hey, commander." "Oh, great." "Have fun, garrett." "No need to hurry home." "And, uh, if you get lonely, hannah jane, oh, you know where to find the big cat." "You've got to be kidding me." "No, no, forget that savage." "Ll see you, owen rowan." "Take care, man." "You, too, buddy." "I'll see ya, ikey." "Hurry home, chief." "We'll make window installation history." "You got it, eddie." "Be safe." "I'll be back at the end of the summer." "Whatever you say..." "Uncle nate." "Let's go, ikey." "Come on!" "I'll be back in six weeks." "What's the matter with those boys?" "I don't know." "Hello?" "It's your editor, kiddo." "Making any progress?" "You ever hear the one out blood and stone and the difficulty in extracting the former from the latter?" "Dufresne college called." "They want to know if you'd be interested in teaching a 1-day intensive on the art of the novel." "Uh, not souch." "Dufresne college?" "That's in my home town." "I haven't be back there in ten years." "There's some people there that-- they might not be so happy to see me." "Maybe that's why you're blocked." "Go back there, make peace with it all." "You gotta get past your fears, kiddo." "G. Gordon liddy was afraid of rats, so he cooked one up and ate it." "You're going." "If you're suggesting that i cook and eat my old friends, i can assure you, in their opinion, i already have." "It's this weekend." "I know it's short notice, but john irving dropped out." "Well, i guess it's just as well." "My friends wouldn't have been nice to him either." "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" "Hey, doctor, it's me." "I'm at the club." "It's midnight." "Come on by, 'cause we having a big old party, and we callin' it "life"!" "Excuse me, ladies." "hey, rember my guy, nicholson garrett?" ""turtle on a snare drum." he's my client." "I'm his agent." "Client, agen of course you loved it." "Come on everybody loved it." "Nicholson, would you sign my book?" "Oh, gosh, it really changed my life..." "Kind of like "flashdance" did." "Where you going, doctor?" "This night is in diapers, man." "I'm so sorry." "I- i used to live in this very apartment, and i had great success here." "I was just-- hello?" "Here, i wrote this book." "I'm sorry, but this is my book." "Here." "I- i saw this film." "Yeah." "Youwrote this book?" "Yeah, no, here, look." "Here, this is my license, see?" "I- i know it says "nicholas" on the license, but my publishers had change it to "nicholson,"" "'cause they thought it sounded more, um..." "Importante." "Exactly." "Come in." "I wrote the book here, right here, three years ago over one long winter." "Oh, man." "So, um, you write another book?" "Not so much." "You got the, um, the writer block." "Yeah, something like that." "You could writit here." "Really?" "My grandmother had a saying." ""it is the fool who fails to return to the place of his last happiness."" "hey, bennett, it's me!" "I'm gonna do it." "I'll do it." "The 1-day intensive at dufresne college." "I suddenly feel imbued with, uh, uh, possibility." "What kind of mulch do you want?" "Cedar or hardwood dark?" "It doesn't really matter." "The glorioso house got a lot of inclines." "Cedar stays in place better on inclines, don it?" "I suppose." "What's wrong with you?" "I think i'm sick of mulch." "Maybe you should go into another line of work." "I saw an ad." "Fortune 500 companies are looking for you if you're smart, handsome, charming andhighly skilled at drinking beer, bullying college kids and having sex with girls you don't really like." "You're an idiot, ikey." "That house is haunted." "You ever seen "to kill a mockingbird"?" "You know that boo radley guy?" "In that house, there's boo radley sr." "And boo radley jr." "I know." "I grew up there." "What do you mean?" "I mean, boo radley sr." "Is my father, and boo radley jr." "Is my brother." "Uh, sorry." "You live on this street?" "No." "My friend doodie does, though." "He moved here a while ago, but it was hard for him to make friends on account of..." "Well, let's just put it this way." "They had to burn down the scho to get him out of third grade." "Catch my drift?" "Doodie..." "This guy grew up there with freddy k and leatherface." "You'rethe writer dude." "That's right." "My mom read your book." "She said it was mostly crap." "Told you." "He's lenny to my george." "It wasn't george, you dope." "It was squiggy!" "See you kids later." "See ya." "Ronny didn't tell you i was coming home?" "No, no." "The long-term effects of marijuana and video games have affected him in the short-term." "What are you doing here?" "Um, teaching a thing tomorrow at the doof." "Oh." "Yeah." "I was thinking i could crash here for the weekend?" "What?" "Your room-- it changed." "We got a routine here, your brother and me." "We get up." "He makes the coffee." "I fry the eggs." "We go to work." "We come home." "He makes the coffee, and i fry the pork chops." "Sittin' here, a few beers, watch a game, maybe a movie." "It ain't much, but it works." "Nicky!" "Ronny!" "You're pretty happy to see him for a guy who forgot he was coming home." "Ooh, there he is." "Nicky!" "Owen rowan!" "Hey there!" "Hey, man." "I ow we're a little late, but it takes a village to get this group to the village." "Well, thanks for meeting me here, man." "Oh, sure, sure." "Uh, nicky, this is my wife alison." "Ally, the great nicky garrett." "It's really nice to meet you." "Nice to meet you, too." "Uh, hey, kids, say hello to your uncle nicky." "This is caitlin." "Hey!" "And, uh, this little boy is connor." "Kids, wow." "Connor, stay!" "I'll-- i'll get him." "It's okay." "You guys graa coffee, okay?" "See you at home." "Good to meet you." "Nice to meet you." "Bye, babe." "Bye." "Wow, owen rowan, she's hot." "Crazy, right?" "It's good toee you, buddy." "You, too, man." "Hey, uh..." "I gotta say thanks for going easy on me in the book." "At first i was insulted, 'cause, you know, the kevin levin gu was barely in it." "But then i read how you made eddie and hannah look, and i was like "phew."" "phew point-five, right?" "Well, no, look, i just want to say sorry in case i hurt you in any way." "The only way you could hurt me, buddy boy, is by taking the cheese out of my doodles, but, eddie, let me tell you-- yeah, i know, i know." "Big cat..." "Ray cataldo, how you doing?" "Well, i mean, i'm not famous like you, bu uh, i am rich." "Big cat's the man now, nicky." "Concrete castle king." "Well..." "Puttin' up coffee shops and juice bars and pizza barns all over the ridge." "Look, garrett, i ain't gonna ask why you felt the need to drop turds all over your hometown." "I mean, that's your business, right?" "What i do want to know-- what's with the nicholson thing?" "Well, i guess some people thought it soundedimportante." "Huh, well..." "Bueno..." "These your kids?" "Yep, thursdays d every other weekend." "Mom's a cobra, but she did give me two sons and no daughters, which means i only have to worry about two penises instead of a thousand." "Have fun, garrett." "What?" "Ten years after high school, the guy still makes me nervous." "Hey, kid." "Hey." "What are you doing here?" "I'm here with my mom." "You two know each other?" "Yeah." "Oh, boy." "What's wrong?" "Stay tuned." "Hello, hannah." "I..." "I didn't know you were back." "I was gonna call, but this was all kinda..." "Last minute." "Whatever you two have going on with each other, why don't i delicately extract myself and order us some dagwoods?" "I'll go with you." "He's pretty amazing-- your son." "Yeah, just don't call him precocious." "He hates that." "He prefers "wise beyond his years." so you're a mom, huh?" "Mm-hmm." "Wow, i just..." "I didn't know that." "Well, there's a lo of things you miss when you vanish into the ether." "Yeah." "You've been gone how long now?" "Ten years." "Right." "I think it was 2 weeks before my 18th birthday that you left." "Yes, i'm quite sure of it, 'cause i rember getting those roses and thinking they were for my birthday." "But they weren't." "They were a good-bye present, as in, "good-bye, i am no longer in yourpresent."" "i can explain." "It's not necessary." "Hannah-- nick, truly, don't sweat it." "I should go." "Um, are you..." "Are you staying long?" "Leave sunday." "How old is s?" "He turns 10 in 2 months." "10?" "Yeah." "See you, sam." "See ya." "See you around." "Um, good-bye, nick..." "And good luck." "And don't worry." "He's not yours." "We've got a great crowd, nicholson." "You're quite a draw." "We're all looking forward to whatever you have prepared." "Can you give me one second?" "Yeah, fine." "Thanks." "Yeah?" "Doctor, taylor told me where you are." "What's wrong with you?" "You can't go home again." "Everybody knows that." "Norman rockwell is dead." "Spread the word." "I can't talk now, stratt." "Why not?" "This conversation's in diapers." "I gotta go, okay?" "I gotta go." "Is this on?" "Hello." "Dufresne..." "These, uh..." "These aren't really gonna work." "Are there any questions?" "What are you doing here in the middle of the day?" "I don't know." "I just, um, went for a walk." "You want something?" "Anything with vodka." "Nick is back." "I know." "After ten years and not a single phone call to anyone but his brother or father." "I saw him..." "At murph's." "How was that?" "Thanks." "God, i felt like i was 18 all over again." "How'd you feel when you were 18?" "Scared." "The others left." "How come?" "I don't know." "Uh, i guess they still cling to the antiquated notion that it's difficult to learn from a teacher who has fled the room in panic." "I never read your book." "Fair enough." "What's your name?" "Aubrey." "Nick." "I know." "I would have introduced myself at the start of the class, but, um, my throat tightened up the size of a pinhole, and i was covered in flop-sweat." "Thought somebody slipped me a peanut." "A peanut?" "All the garrett men suffer from nut allergies, dating back to my great-great-great grandfather james joseph garrett, who was tragically felled in the civil war by a cashew." "So the peanut-allergy-related death of sebastian grace was more than just a convenient plot contrivance?" "Thought you didn't read it." "Uh, no, no, i didn't." "Uh..." "The guy upstairs-- he has the audio book as read by johnny depp." "Huh." "Played it all night long." "Crazyannoying." "Nice try." "That's what we call a swing and a miss." "Putting it in line with the theme of the afternoon, right?" "Which begs the question, why did you run out of here?" "I'm not sure why." "I looked out at all those faces, expecting answers, and i realized that i can't impart wisdom." "I can't..." "Inspire." "Then what are you doing here?" "Eddie?" "Hello, eddie?" "There he is!" "Physical phil!" "Hey, man." "God, it's good to see you." "Hey, how you been, man?" "Good, good." "Look at you." "Yeah, yeah." "It's been a long time." "Yeah, yeah." "Look, first things first, about the book-- oh, no, no, no worries." "I mean..." "I don't room in my heart for anger." "I gotta warn you, though, eddie-- yeah, i heard." "I really got to talk to him, too." "Is he around?" "No." "Hey, come on in." "So what have you been up to, man?" "You-- you haven't heard?" "Heard what?" "No." "I haven't left this house in five years." "Five years?" "Why not?" "You remember when the twin towers were hit, how everyone went into lockdown, glued themselves to their tvs, just us and peter jennings, taking the nation through it all, rock steady like he was?" "But theny, like, september 15th, most everyone got up, went back to their normal routines." "Not me." "Homeboy stayed on the couch." "Why?" "The way i see it, i got everything i need right here." "I order out for grub." "I got the phone for chitchat." "Entertainment and info from the tube." "And then came the ipod and tivo!" "Oh..." "I mean, as if to further assure i maintain my position on the couch." "And the best part is, that's guaranteed reliabilit for my friends, my loved ones." "Yeah." "It's dangerous out there, man." "There's a car outside with new york plates." "Let's slash the tires!" "Ikey!" "Nicky g.!" "Oh!" "Look at him!" "Ah!" "Hey." "I got a bone to pick." "What?" "I read your book three times." "I still can't figure out which character is supposed to be me." "That's 'cause there wasn't a character based on you." "Well, now i'm really pissed!" "All right, you know what?" "It's official." "If i had a time machine, i wouldn't kill hitler." "I wouldn't stop lee harvey oswald." "I would go back three years to the exact moment i started writing this book, and i'd stop myself." "I'd go back to the day little halle berry learned that boys didn't have cooties." "Or that." "Come on, hey, it's time." "What are you guys doing?" "It's 3:00 on saturday." "What do you think we're doing?" "Jamming, soldier." "Don't tell me you guys still do this." "This is yours." "You held on to this?" "I knew you couldn't stay away forever." "Although you did a hell of a job of trying." "Ten years." "What were you doing?" "Hey, forget about that, ikey." "What's important is, we finally got the band back together." "No, we did not get the band back together." "Dorks." "So how's work?" "Ah, same." "It's a delivery truck." "Hey, ronny." "You know hannah's son?" "All right, i met him yesterday." "I can't help but do the math." "The kid's 10." "I left 10 years ago." "The way it adds up-- no, no sale, no." "Some..." "Some guy from boston's the dad." "Uh, older guy." "Grad student from b." "C., i think." "She hooked up with him a couple weeks after you left for europe, but he's-- he's gone now." "How come you never told me?" "I don't know!" "I didn't want to hurt your feelings, i guess." "It's not really the kind of news that you drop over the phone." "Boston grabs control and dumps it out of their end." "500, 501, 502... 503, 504... 505, 506..." "Dude!" "Oh, my god." "You scared me!" "I'm sorry." "I was in the neighborhood." "Your parents still live here?" "They moved to the cape five years ago." "It's just me and sam now." "You know it's still 547 steps from my house to your house?" "You thought it might be different?" "Well, i tried to take into account the increase in stride length, but my stride, kind of like everything else in my life, appears to have stagnated." "Poor little super-successful writer boy." "No, i just..." "Hey." "I just meant this place-- no, you had it in your head." "I'm sure that it remained frozen in amber just the way you left it, and that was probably wicked reassuring" "that you could go and do and see, and things would just stay the same here." "But things change, nick, even in the ridge." "Why, the other night, we had a big rally where we burned all of our reo speedwagon records." "Really?" "Yeah." "It would have made a really good scene for your book." "Look, about that..." "Hannah..." "No, i loved it, truly." "But tell me, when you came up with the character, the pathetic hometown girl left behind, did you have to name her anna?" "Anna is not you-- page 44, third paragraph." "I committed it to memory." ""anna possessed the faded blue sadness of a roy orbison song," ""the kind of gal who was quite sure" ""one day richard gere would come by in his dress-whites, pick her up and carry her out of this factory girl existence."" "it sounds like you nailed me to a click." "It's a book." "Okay?" "I-i just wrote it." "I didn't think anybody would actually publish it." "And when they did, i tried to change the names." "They wouldn't have it." "For that, i am truly sorry, hannah." "But, by the way, who doesn't love "an officer and a gentlemen," huh?" "Where's sam?" "Doing his homework, which takes him all of 11 minutes." "After seeing you at the sub shop, his new fascination is my past." "Yeah, i kind of wanted to talk to you about-- hi." "Hey." "Surprised, garrett?" "Shocked..." "To a stupefying silence that i may never recover from is probably a better way to describe it." "There's kind of a limited menu here in the ridge." "Oh, that's right, baby, and i'm the pizza supreme." "Wow, ray, now anybody else in your shoes would say, "i'm the filet mignon"" "or "i'm the chateaubriand for two"" "or "the lobster thermidor gratineed in its shell,"" "but no, ray, to you, the culinary zenith is the pizza supreme." "Shut up." "Man, you talk too much." "I gotta go with big cat on that one." "Really?" "Yeah." "I'm gonna wash up for supper." "Later, garrett." "Big cat..." ""lobster thermidor gratineed in its shell"?" "Hey, i am not apologizing." "You're the one that's kissing "big cat" cataldo." "Well, it's like i said, nick." "Things change." "Yeah." "Take care." "You, too." "They're in there." "Just follow the splashing." "Thanks." "Hey, buddy." "Hey, fellas." "Remember nicky?" "Connor just sank my last destroyer." "Ah." "This is why you do it, nicky." "Yep." "Daddy's gonna go out for the night, okay?" "Okay." "Yeah, i'll be there in a sec." "I don't think you and ian have been formally introduced." "Nick, nice to meet you." "Ian's as cse to the next big thing as there is here." "His writing-- straight stoops." "Not really." "But "turtle"ruly made me see, uh, what could be done." "Can i ask you, um, did you intend a deeper allegorical nihilism when you set the last chapter at ground zero?" "Uh, well, you know, a lot of people read it that way, but i just thought it was the manifestation of his larger issue, which was how do you reconcile" "the past with the present, when you don't really feel comfortable in either one?" "Will you excuse me?" "Big nicky g.!" "Long time, eddie." "Check it!" "Janet the planet." "I mean, at what point did she just give up the fight and go, "bacon burger 1, janet the planet 0," you know?" "Hey, ikey, what do you even know about janet?" "She may be the coolest person in this bar, but you'll never find out, because you're too busy judging her from the outside, instead of finding out what's on the inside." "All right." "Maybe i should find out what's on the inside." "My guess is cake, lots of cake." "I'm gonna get some shots." "I gotta hang a rat." "That wasn't too bad." "Maybe he ain't still so creased." "Thanks." "I gotta drop something on ya, nicky." "I hate doing this to you, but i gotta tell someone." "I'm bustin' out." "What's wrong, man?" "You meet alison yet?" "What, owen rowan's wife?" "Yeah, what about her?" "I had sex with her." "What?" "Yeah, ducky lowe had a party." "Owen got boomered and passed out." "She got mad." "I gave her a ride home, and then-- ikey..." "It was a 1-shot thing." "It'll never happen again." "And that's the gong." "I might have had the most intense moment of my life with someone i can never be with again." "Why am i hearing this?" "'cause you're leaving town tomorrow." "We probably won't see you for another ten years." "Well, shut it down, man." "He's got a life, a family." "Score for you, buddy." "All right!" "Eichorn loves nuts more than most squirrels do, nicky." "Want some?" "No, no, no, no." "Don't you remember, ikey?" ""all of the garrett men suffer from nut allergies."" "oh, yeah, i forgot." "What'd you call me, college boy?" "Hey!" "I didn't say anything." "Where are you going, huh?" "Eddie, stop it!" "Where are you going?" "Hey, hey, hey." "You're not such a smart-ass now, are you?" "Why don't you come back to the table, man?" "Calm down, all right?" "Is that right, huh?" "Is that who you are now?" "Defender of the doofs?" "Look, i know i got a lot to set right by you, but this is crazy." "I don't know what you're talking about, nicholson." "What i do know is in your big, triumphant return, you seem to have forgotten which side of october road you belong on." "Well, i'm gonna remind you how we roll here in the ridge." "It ain't much, but it's tight." "Let him go!" "Hey, stop it!" "Come on!" "No, nicky." "No, i won't." "Nice shot." "Thanks." "Look, it was just one of those friendly misunderstandings that got out of hand, you know?" "Yeah, just take him home, okay?" "I mean, i've got no need to bring eddie latekka in." "He was my q." "B. My sophomore year." "He threw me the ball a lot." "All right, i appreciate it." "Look, i really am sorry, eddie." "I never thought anybody would get torn up in the process, especially you." "I left you that summer with every intention of coming back to the ridge." "But on the last night of the trip, i'm literally packing my bags, and i remembered something ma told me before she died." "She said," ""you gotta promise me, nicky," ""never to settle for anything less than the unexpected adventure."" "yeah, and i couldn't kick the feeling that if i came back here, i'd be giving up on that." "It's like once i stayed away, staying awaybecamethe way." "Anyof this make sense?" "I really missed you, man." "Good night, buddy." "But i can never..." "Never, ever be your friend again." "What are you doing, kid?" "You got a paper route?" "Yeah, ma feels it's good for me." "Crack of dawn, fresh air, current events." "Character-building stuff." "What are you doing up this early?" "Same thing." "Trying to build some character." "Hey, let me ask you a question." "What do you think about your mom's boyfriend?" "Big cat?" "Yeah." "He's okay, i guess." "Although..." "Sometimes i think he's trying to murder me." "What do you mean?" "He makes my lunches, which is nice, i suppose, but he forgets." "Yep." "He did it again." "What did he do?" "He made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, only i got this peanut allergy." "One bite of this puppy, and i'm a goner." "You okay?" "Yeah." "Sure." "I'm, uh, fine." "Do you want this?" "Uh, no, uh..." "You sure?" "It's..." "I'm not gonna eat it." "I don't like jelly." "Okay." "Well, see you around." "I'll see you around, sam." "You got stratt." "Leave your peep at the beep." "Hey, frenzy boy." "It's me." "You're gonna hate this, but i'm gonna hang in the ridge for a while." "I know it sounds crazy." "It's just..." "I was wrong all along, 'causehere are a lot of unexpected adventures here, and i'm just not ready to walk away, not a second time." "The way i see it, this thing is in diapers."