"All right folks, that's it for me, I'm going to sleep." "Those of you just waking up, I offer you my sincere condolences." "Good morning Barstow." "Let me fix you something." "We need milk." "I think I might be getting rickets." "How does eggs sound." "Thanks, but I'm going to miss the bus." "Hey, can you take a look at these?" "Ok Mom, I will." "Thanks." "Stuck on twenty-four?" "Do we need like our calculator's or something?" "In a perfect environment, it would continue on forever." "Never changing direction, speed, just continuing." "But the world we live in is not perfect, so friction will take hold." "Same is true about objects at rest." "They just stay there, forever." "Waiting to be Acted upon by an outside force." "Thank you Andrew." "So do we need our calculators or something?" "C. The answer is C." "My wife framed it for my birthday." "Hence the flower patterns in the wood." "You went to Stanford?" "Yeah." "That's impressive." "Yeah." "Why aren't you..." "Because I'm here." "Maybe you're just suffering from inertia." "Yeah, maybe I am." "Why do Colleges make you wait so long?" "Relax." "But what if I don't get in." "What if you don't get it?" "I'm not worried though." "Realy." "I'm not." "Of course not." "You just bring it up a hundred times a day." "I have a theory." "It's not the most popular, or the jocks that succeed in life." "It's the nameless faces." "The ones who come out of nowhere and take over the world." "You mean the socially retarded." "No asshole." "Us." "Bill Gates, George Lucas, the guys who invented Google." "They weren't wearing letterman's jackets banging chicks in the back of their trucks, they were us dude." "What about all the nameless faces that become shoe salesman, dishwashers, convicts." "Whatever dude." "Just know that I know." "Know that I know that one day both of us are going to be very, very rich." "Miles and miles away from here in our million dollar mansions, complaining about how..." "Bored and unfulfilled we are." "Yes, yes, that's what I'm talking about." "Common, let's do it." "Ten questions, multiple choice." "If you did your reading, you should have no problem." "Hey Aaron." "It's Andrew." "That's totally what I meant." "Do you think you could not cover up your answers this time?" "Yeah sure." "Thanks." "Bill Gates, George Lucas, and us." "Andrew!" "Hey." "Hey." "Hey can I talk to you for a second?" "Have a seat." "So have you heard anything yet?" "About what?" "Colleges." "I wrote you a pretty glowing recommendation." "I think I even spell checked." "Yeah I appreciate that." "I didn't send in my applications." "May I ask why?" "I just have this timing issue thing." "I don't understand." "Is there something wrong at home?" "No, nothing like that." "Listen." "Whatever this timing issue thing is." "And I don't know if it's your mom or what happened with your Dad..." "Life sucks sometimes Andrew." "Life sucks?" "Yeah, it sucks." "I mean, sometimes we're happy, but mostly, it sucks." "Every now and then we have a moment of relief but life has this way of are you getting any of this?" "Say something." "You say something." "Stop being such a pussy." "I really like you're braces." "Asshole." "Nice." "Are you going to put the magazine down or am I going to have to fire you." "SORRY." "The toilet's clogged." "It's not hard." "You shit, wipe and flush." "Why can't people flush?" "Sweet Jesus." "He dude." "I'd hump her feet if she'd let me." "Real girls don't look like that." "How do you know?" "You don't even talk to girls." "I talk to girls." "You only talk to you're Mom." "And that's kind of weird." "Yeah, and you're family is normal." "Hey, can I have this?" "Yeah." "Stweet." "It's me and you tonight lady." "All right brother, catch you later." "Hey." "Anything good on?" "They're in Cleveland tonight." "Domestic disturbances, prostitution busts." "I've seen better." "Do they really need to be wearing sunglasses at night?" "I think it's kind of hot." "They should come to Barstow." "We could use the publicity." "I called the landlord, and she will wait another week." "I deposited my check, so that should be enough time." "Was she making passes at you again?" "No." "There's some chicken fried rice in the fridge." "Let me heat if up for you." "No I got it." "Know, I'm your mother, and you're my son." "Let me at least try to be motherly." "All right, but just don't make it too hot." "I remember when I was you're age you were just a baby learning how to walk." "I used to grab both you're little hands and try to teach you how to take steps." "But nope, you didn't want my help." "You wanted to learn by yourself." "So I'd sit there and watch." "I watched you fall and hit your head so many times." "That explains a lot." "You'd cry, get tired of crying and try again." "Same thing with riding a bike." "It's hard being a mother when you're son doesn't need you." "Never really feel like a mother." "Well you cook me chicken fried rice." "That's more than a lot of mothers I know." "Oh shit." "I am supposed to close up for Allison tonight." "Hey where are my keys?" "On the thingy." "Don't wait up." "Now get this." "Turns out Dora is Rosaria's long lost cousin." "And she had been the one all a long practicing Santeria on Maria in order to stop the wedding." "And the only one who knew this was Monica." "And everyone knows she's been in a comma with a tumor." "How did I miss that?" "Turns out she wasn't in a comma." "She was really possessed." "Oh Lord Jesus." "By Demons." "And the only one with the power to evoke them was..." "Alfredo." "But he's been in the Cayman Island's trying to find his killer." "Honey." "I got it." "Are you trying to make us look bad?" "It's table two." "They don't like the tea and they say the Orange Chicken tastes like oranges." "Listen, honey." "Jenny." "Jenny, yeah, don't let them see you sweat." "And just for the tips." "Thanks." "Sandra." "I have to go to the PTA meeting." "Make sure you turn the lights off when you close up." "Got it." "Or you can wait up for me, and we can have a beer together." "Yeah, really tempting, but, no." "Ok." "I'll have a beer with you." "No..." "It began as a trend in fashion and music but this craze has become deadly in local high schools." "It's an abbreviation for emotional." "But EMO has been the source of numerous disturbances." "Sir, are you all right?" "Yeah." "Have you been doing Whippit?" "No." "Then why is there whipped cream on your face?" "Happy birthday." "Good night Sandra." "Good night." "Hi Cody." "I smell like beef and broccoli." "I like it." "Then you can help me finish refilling the sauce containers." "I couldn't stop thinking about you all day long." "Naked." "I have to do the fortune cookies." "I wrote a new song about you." "Oh yeah, about what?" "You're all I think about." "Even at night when it's too hot to sleep?" "Every night, every day every moment I'm depressed." "I didn't foresee my career stalling in Barstow." "It's ok that people don't listed to my show." "The signal's not that strong." "Anyone up this hour is probably high on meth but if you are listening, and you have a problem, call in." "I might not be able to change your life but at least I'll know that people are listening." "Hey." "Hey." "My name's Eric right?" "Shit, that was last month." "You know what." "What." "You're probably Travis." "No, my name is Cody." "And I am a friend of your mother's." "How old are you?" "It was nice meeting you man, but I'm gonna to get going." "Andrew." "Hey." "Hey." "What are you doing?" "Shelving." "So I guess that means you are a stock boy, right?" "Yeah, I guess something like that." "Stock boy, that's great." "That's fantastic, really." "Thanks." "Have you always had ambitions to be a stock boy?" "What?" "Well you're not going to college so this is going to be you're full time job." "You know, call me crazy but I always had you pegged as a kid that I could brag about." "Andrew Datine, hell of a student." "Look how much he's done for this world." "But hey, this is good too." "Ok, it's not like that, I'm going to be taking classes classes over at City College." "Yeah." "But you'll still be working here." "And with a smart kid like you they would be stupid not to put you on the fast track to management." "So, instead of transferring to a four-year college you'll buy that car you really wanted and you'll start going to bars on the weekends and of course you'll meet a girl." "And she's probably not all that stimulating but she fucks you on the first date, which blows your mind." "But hey, you got a car." "You've got money in your pocket." "Why shouldn't she?" "So you start dating and you find that you share none of the same interests and maybe she drinks a little bit too much but you can't get over the fact that you're getting laid consistently." "So one night after a few too many, the condom slips off or breaks and she gets pregnant." "Abortion is an option but she really doesn't want to get rid of it but there's really nothing you and do." "OK, I have customers." "Fuck your customers." "So then you wake up one morning and all of a sudden you're forty" " Five years old with three kids and the faint memories of some faint ambitions you had when you were younger." "You try to remember what they were, but you can't." "But what does it matter." "The kids are crying, your wife won't wake up cause she's hung over from the night before and you've got to open up the bookstore in twenty minutes." "I'm at work." "Hey it's Saturday." "Why aren't you out getting wasted?" "Don't really feel like it." "Common." "No hot date?" "Well guess what." "I'm your date." "Take me to a movie." "We can't afford a movie." "OK, let's go to Vegas." "You're kidding." "No." "We go to the bank, withdraw everything we have put it on black, play some craps, double up again and go see Blue Man people." "Group." "Blue Man Group." "Whatever, common, let's do it." "You know we can't." "OK fine." "I'll rent you a movie." "I want one with big tits and explosions and more big tits and guns." "Bang bang, oh, oh save me." "You say no, and you're grounded for a month." "Fine." "Fine." "You are not going to fucking believe this." "It's unbelievable." "What?" "I woke up with the biggest boner of my entire life." "Good for you." "Dude, you don't understand." "This is not natural." "OK." "I go in the bathroom, I jack off." "You know." "Things still there." "It won't go down." "I yell at it, I tucked it up under my belt, I ignored it." "I jacked up four times." "Still there." "Hard as a rock." "How did you get it to go down?" "Chocolate milk." "Chocolate milk." "Yeah, totally dropped my boner." "And that's why you missed the bus." "Exactly." "What are you going to tell the principle?" "Who knows man, who knows?" "We're done." "Great." "What should we do now?" "Whatever you want to do." "I am going to go to college." "OK." "I mean I'd be saving a lot of money going to a JC for two years anyway." "Andrew." "I'm in the middle of reading this, can you sit down please." "Hi, we're all out of the Won-Ton soup but it wasn't that good anyway." "Is Sandra here?" "She called in sick." "Did you still want something?" "No thanks." "Actually yeah." "Yes please." "I'll give you a second to look at the menu." "She's not dying is she?" "No, but she's pretty sick." "Stomach flu." "Yeah something like that." "Whatever he wants, it's on the house." "Sure." "Wow, big shot huh." "No, not really." "I'll have the chicken fried rice." "That's it?" "That's it." "There you go." "Thanks." "Do you come here a lot?" "Kind of." "Well, I'm new here so I'm just trying to figure out who the regular customers are." "But everyone is really nice, and the food is really good." "Which is totally cool." "Cool." "I'm Jenny by the way." "Nice meeting you." "All right, well, nice talking to you." "How you feeling?" "Good." "Mr. Wang wanted me to give this to you." "I think it's your paycheck." "Andrew." "I covered you." "Don't worry." "I went to see a friend." "Yeah, I think I met him." "What's his name?" "Cody." "He's a very nice young man." "Yeah, he seemed nice." "Do you work with him?" "No, he's a musician." "Country music with a little rock'n'roll to it." "I hate country music." "Well, you're a teenager, you hate a lot of things." "I like rice." "He makes beautiful music." "Scout at the talent show says he could be the next Toby Keith." "So is Cody you're new guy?" "You're new boyfriend." "It's been a while since your father left Andrew." "I'm allowed to enjoy my life." "He didn't leave us, he killed himself." "Jesus Christ Andrew, you know what I mean." "Yeah, I know what you mean." "You think I'm a bad mother?" "Don't put words in my mouth." "I don't have to put words in your mouth Andrew I can read it all over your face." "You know woman my age are not supposed to be alone." "It wears on a person." "Loneliness wears." "If I didn't like him, would you stoop seeing him?" "Why are you asking me this?" "Cause I don't like him." "All I want for you is your happiness." "I hope you want the same for me." "He's an asshole." "When I'm lying in bed a night, I turn to my left and I don't see anybody, it makes me feel..." "I just get so god damn lonely in this house." "I know." "You brought me chocolates." "I'm more of a flowers type of guy, but I appreciate the gesture." "We'II, they're for your Mom." "I know Cody." "I'm just fucking with you." "I really like you Mom Andrew." "She gave you keys to the house didn't she?" "No...yeah." "Yeah she did." "Good for you." "Listen Andrew, I know we didn't get off to a very good start." "I just want to be friends." "Friends." "Yeah, maybe we can go and play some basketball sometime." "You don't like me do you?" "No." "Yeah...well, we'll see." "Sorry, we're closed." "Hey, it's you." "You're in luck." "You don't really talk much do you?" "Excuse me?" "We'll it just that this is the second time you've been in today and same order, Chicken Fried rice." "And you haven't said anything, no small talk, nothing." "Yeah, I..." "Look, since I've been living here I haven't talked or seen anyone who wasn't A) Over the age of seventy-five or B) just out of prison, or C) missing a few teeth." "Say something." "Thank you." "No." "I, like this chicken fried rice..." "Wrong answer." "I like coming here." "We'll work on this in small increments." "I'll be mopping the floors if you need me." "I can't sleep, last night while I stared at my ceiling I started to obsess about all the different kind of ways I could die." "Nuclear annihilation, hi levels of chrome in my tap water dangerous bacteria in my refrigerator faulty escalators, spontaneous combustion." "Then I began to dwell on a girl I dated in my sophomore year in college." "She used to sneak out of my dorm room when she thought I was asleep and how fucking lonely that made me feel." "I say fuck because no one's fucking listening at this hour." "So fucking lonely." "When I finally fell asleep my last mental image was that of my dental hygienist." "She wasn't angry with me..." "holy shit, holy fucking shit." "Hello, hello, anybody there." "Sorry listeners, too good to be true." "I'm here." "What's your name." "Do I have to give you my name?" "Well, I have to call you something." "My name is Jeremy." "Ron Jeremy." "Ok, Ron Jeremy." "Why are you calling?" "I couldn't sleep either." "I just wanted you to know." "Why can't you sleep?" "Why can't you sleep?" "Look, you called in for a reason doesn't take a genius to figure out something is up." "My Mom's sleeping with a twenty-two year old aspiring country singer." "And how old are you?" "Eighteen." "Shit." "She's been depressed, my Dad died a few years back." "Wow, sounds like you got a lot on your plate." "Yeah I guess." "So what's next, college?" "I wish." "All right man, what do you do for fun?" "Snort meth, we cook it in the garage." "Ok." "I'm kidding." "Do you have a girlfriend?" "No, but I met a girl." "You take her our yet?" "What for hamburgers and French fries or maybe to the sock hop?" "Yeah smartass, it's called a date." "No." "He who waits upon fortune is never sure of dinner." "What do you mean by that?" "I don't really know." "Hungry?" "I'm OK." "Let me cook you some eggs." "How does eggs sound." "We don't have any eggs." "Everyone, please take your seats for me." "Look, I really don't know how to tell you guys this but Mr. Johns past away in his sleep last night." "His heart just gave out." "You know how he died?" "No." "You talk to him in the bookstore?" "Yeah, a little." "I think he knew." "Knew what?" "That he was going to die." "I'm looking for this book by Dr. Phil." "I can't read my writing." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Chicken fried rice." "Yeah, that's me." "So, you work here?" "Andrew." "Yeah, part time." "Where's your outfit thingy?" "Oh, I try not to wear that outside the restaurant or anywhere in the general public." "Well, let me have a look for you." "I think it's "Self Matters"." "Should be in the Self Help." "Thanks." "If you have any problems I will be here, making art." "Good to know." "Oh, it's not for me, it's a gift." "Ok." "I just wanted you to know that." "You know I get a discount." "I could buy it for you at cost, and you could pay me back." "I wouldn't want to get you in trouble or anything." "Just don't tell the Feds." "Well, this is exciting." "Thanks Andrew." "You're welcome Jenny." "I saw her again." "Who?" "Girl from the bus." "With the braces." "Maybe." "And." "She came in and dropped off a napkin with her number on it." "No shit." "Yeah, Melissa." "Melissa huh." "Have you called her yet?" "No." "Why not?" "I'm weighing my options." "What options?" "Options you don't know about." "Call her." "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was talking to Don Juan." "How many bitches to you have in your stable?" "Yeah, that's what I thought." "Another gift from Cody?" "No, it's for you, I got it for you." "I don't understand." "Well there is nothing to understand I got if for you because I love you." "Aren't you going to open it?" "Wow." "It's really cool." "Aren't you going to try it on?" "It feels good on me." "Sweet and sour chicken and two orders of the slippery shrimp." "Thanks for the tip." "Oh anytime." "Unbutton a few more and you'll end up a millionaire." "He's cute." "Who?" "Hector?" "The guy who picks you up." "Oh yeah." "He's a musician." "Country music with a little rock and roll to it." "You got a man?" "No." "I think I met someone." "He's younger." "I don't know." "Trust me." "Younger is good." "Night." "Hey." "Andrew." "I got your book for you." "Oh thanks." "Well how much do I owe you?" "The corner is kind of damaged so I got it for free." "I really appreciate it." "I'm sorry I'm not more talkative, outgoing, it's just..." "Don't worry about it." "You're forgiven." "Were you on your way to Los Angeles?" "I was on my way back to my apartment." "Oh no I mean the reason why you are here." "In Barstow." "See I know you weren't born here so I just assumed you were on your way to Los Angeles." "Andrew it's late I should go." "Well can I walk you home?" "No thank you I drove." "Well can you give me a drive back to my place?" "Listen you're being very sweet and to be honest it's making me a little uncomfortable." "I have a boyfriend." "I don't believe you." "Just give me a ride home so we can talk." "Fortune favors those who eat dinner." "Ok." "You were right." "About what?" "I was on my way to Los Angeles." "I had this idea of becoming..." "What happened?" "I don't know." "You still can." "This is it." "Thanks for the ride." "Ok." "I have some really good lemonade if you want to come inside." "Maybe next time." "Cool." "Thanks again." "Bye Andrew." "Oh hi sweetie." "Well I warmed it up for you." "If you need any more blankets there's plenty in the closet." "Thanks." "Goodnight baby." "Goodnight Grandma." "Congratulations to Mr. Jeremy." "It's not like we made out or anything." "You made a connection, that's not easy." "So how did you meet her?" "The net?" "No." "She works with my Mom." "Oh that's even more interesting." "Do they know?" "Of course not." "You always fall for your Mom's co- workers?" "No." "Dated anyone else your Mom works with?" "No." "Any of her friends maybe?" "Fuck you." "Excuse me." "I have to go." "They always do that." "They hang up." "Good morning." "We're still out of milk." "I'll go to the market today I promise." "Is he still here?" "Who?" "Cody." "Or did he leave after you guys fucked?" "Watch your mouth." "And yeah he's still here, he's sleeping." "I invited him over for dinner tonight." "I'd really like it if you could be here." "Is this the silent treatment?" "What's next?" "You going to pack your bags and pretend to run away?" "You used to be really good at that shit when you were seven." "You gave him keys to our house." "Keys to our house." "Ok you don't have to repeat yourself." "I heard you the first time." "We like each other Andrew and your hostility isn't going to change that." "How old is he?" "Twenty-one?" "Oh cut it out." "Is he twenty?" "Younger?" "He just looks young." "I have work later." "Just one normal dinner Drew?" "That's all I'm asking." "It's great." "I'm like ten blocks from the beach." "I met this guy in my building and he's gonna teach me to surf." "No I've had some auditions." "Nothing big." "I know it's exciting." "I'm trying not to get my hopes up." "Listen, listen I gotta go." "Thanks bye!" "Boyfriend?" "No just Lauren." "I'm playing cards today at three with some friends if you'd like to come." "Hearts?" "We usually play hearts and sometimes we play gin." "Drew." "How are you brother?" "Good man." "Who's winning?" "Fucking Kings man." "Is Carlos here?" "He's in his room jerking off or something." "Probably." "Any mail?" "Nope." "Why did you get a package from Harvard or something?" "Very funny asshole." "Hey would you fuck a sheepdog to sleep with Salma Hayek?" "No." "What about a three hundred pounder?" "No." "Would you fuck your second cousin if she was really, really hot?" "Would anyone find out?" "No." "Maybe." "I'd fuck my three hundred pound cousin to sleep with Salma Hayek." "Ha." "I have no doubt." "Hey Bill's gonna kick some guy's ass tonight." "Wanna go check it out?" "Can't." "What do you mean you can't?" "What's with all these one-word answers anyways?" "I have work then dinner." "Dinner?" "Shit like actual dinner at a table with no television involved?" "Yeah I think so." "Oh why?" "My Mom wants me to have dinner with her boyfriend." "Shit." "Yeah." "Hey maybe he's a good guy." "Maybe he really loves her." "Maybe he's twenty-two." "Maybe he's an aspiring country singer." "That's fucking hysterical man." "So, this is dinner." "Yeah." "Yeah." "So how exactly is this supposed to work?" "We exchange small talk talk about the weather, things like that?" "Weather was nice today wasn't it?" "Yeah it was a nice weather day today." "Cody's moving in with us." "Cody, are you a broccoli type of guy or a carrot type of guy?" "Broccoli." "You know they say the more colorful the vegetable is the more vitamins and nutrients it has." "No I didn't know that." "This chicken cordon bleu is fantastic." "Sandra really some wonderful work here." "I agree." "As a kid I wasn't the biggest fan of broccoli but I must say as the years have progressed broccoli has grown on me." "Andrew." "Yes Sandra." "Cody's moving in." "I heard you the first time." "How old are you Cody?" "Twenty-two." "Twenty-two." "That's fantastic." "You know come to think of it I think I remember you from grammar school." "Isn't that a trip?" "Yeah." "I mean we probably had all the same teachers." "Probably." "Andrew." "Mrs. Hagedorn?" "She was hot." "Yeah." "She was hot." "Mrs. Newman?" "She suspended me twice." "Mrs. Welch?" "Hated my guts." "Me too." "Andrew stop it." "Stop what?" "I'm just bonding with your new boyfriend." "And you guys have been dating for what?" "A year?" "A year and a half?" "Four months." "Four months." "Well that's just fucking incredible Sandra." "I knew you would be like this." "Like what Sandra?" "Like what?" "Hostile." "Hostile?" "No I'm not hostile." "Upset that a twenty-two year old aspiring country singer is moving into my house and will be sleeping in my mother's bed?" "Maybe." "I mean you are an aspiring country singer right?" "Country with a little..." "With a little rock and roll." "Yeah I heard." "Excuse me, is everything all right here?" "Let me guess, chicken fried rice?" "I'm ok." "I was just wondering if your friend liked the book?" "Same old shit moments of inspiration followed by the return of the same old me." "If only Dr. Phil could just solve all of our problems?" "If only Dr. Phil wasn't so full of shit." "Listen, I get off in a little while maybe we could hang out or something?" "Um yeah." "I could show you my comic book collection." "I'm kidding." "My top ten favorite things about monkeys." "So this is what you do?" "Not every night." "You call into this radio show?" "I've only called in twice." "What about financing shows?" "Sex shows?" "Sports shows?" "Shows about the weather?" "Only this show." "Only once." "Twice." "Only twice." "Oh." "You think I'm a weirdo." "You think I'm a freak." "This is fucking awesome." "I'm gonna call in." "What?" "No you can't." "Why not?" "Ok you can." "But the moment you start laughing or make a joke I'm cutting you off." "Just give me the fucking phone." "Ok well if anybody, oh, hello?" "You're on the air." "Holy shit I'm on the air." "Ok so what's your problem?" "I don't have one." "You live in Barstow?" "Yeah." "Then you have a problem." "He's good." "You fat as a kid?" "Your boyfriend cheating on you?" "If you don't start talking about your problems I'm gonna start talking about mine and nobody wants that." "I wasn't fat as a kid and I don't have a boyfriend." "What about friends?" "You got any of those?" "Well I'm with one now." "His name is Andrew." "So who is this Andrew?" "Tell him Ron Jeremy." "I mean Ron Jeremy." "Ha is this the same Ron Jeremy that snorts meth?" "It was a joke." "No but yes." "Well Ron looks like you finally got the courage to approach that special girl." "Good for you." "He talked to you about me?" "Oh yeah." "What did he say?" "Why don't you ask him yourself?" "Hello?" "Now I don't have anyone to talk to." "Do you have um..." "Yeah hold on." "Shit Andrew turn it off." "You gotta listen to me for a sec." "Oh Jesus I didn't even brush my teeth." "You can't." "We have to go." "Andrew, it's Sunday." "No one goes anywhere on Sunday." "Let's make pancakes." "I'd love to but believe me if there's anything I'd rather do it's make pancakes with you but I have a mother." "Oh jeez." "And we're not exactly on the best of terms." "Holy shit." "Please tell me your eighteen." "Jenny listen." "The last thing I need right now is to be some sort of pedophile." " Jenny I'm eighteen." " I don't like this." "I just had sex with a minor." "I'm going to jail." "Jenny relax I'm eighteen." "Thank god." "I still have a mother." "So we'll just have to walk out the front door quietly." "Just walk out." "Very quietly." "This is interesting." "Hey." "Mom, Cody, good morning." "We're just having cereal for breakfast if you wanna join us." "I got milk." "Thanks but..." "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" "Oh wait we work together." "Sandra I didn't know that Andrew was your..." "My son." "Let's go." "So how long have you been dating my son Jenny?" "Four months?" "Six months?" "Mom." "Actually we've known each other for a while now." "Really?" "That's just fascinating Andrew." "Well this has been great." "Hey Jenny, see you at work." "I'm sorry about that." "I wanted to tell you last night but I couldn't find the right time." "What could the right time be Andrew?" "Just so you know I'm not some whore." "I know." "And don't feel you need to send me flowers or call me." "Jenny can I see you again?" "Are you serious?" "Yeah." "No Andrew." "No." "Jenny." "No." "What the fuck was that?" "What was what Andrew?" "That!" "That thing you did." "That!" "Sorry still confused could you be more specific?" "She was hot." "Fuck." "What the fuck?" "Andrew!" "You don't want to do this." "What the fuck is wrong with you Andrew?" "Get the fuck off of me." "Get off of me." "I, wow." "I know." "Her name is Jenny?" "Yeah." "You never told me anything." "I didn't." "I don't know it's weird." "And Billy Ray Cyrus?" "Moving in." "You like her?" "Yeah." "Yeah I do." "Then why you talking to me man?" "Who's that guy at table 41 hitting on you?" "Uh huh." "I have some tables I need to check on." "I'm sorry." "At what?" "Andrew." "I didn't know." "Jenny." "It's ok." "You want to fuck my son, go right ahead." "What?" "At least he lost his virginity with someone I trust." "I didn't know." "He was a virgin?" "Yeah." "Andrew's really good at keeping secrets." "Sandra I'm sorry." "Sweetie it's ok." "Jeez, I'm so sorry." "It's ok." "You sure?" "Yeah." "Hey you hungry?" "Is Jenny here?" "Yeah she seems pretty upset." "You should just let her cool down." "Is she in the back?" "Andrew." "Andrew go away." "Jenny listen." "I'm working Andrew." "I don't have time for anymore of your shit." "I need to talk to you." "About what?" "Are there any more surprises you want to clue me in on?" "Look Jenny if you won't let me talk to you in private I'm gonna keep coming in here and coming in here and that could get pretty awkward." "And why would I do that?" "Cuz I like you." "I'll be at the coffee shop down the street if you change your mind." "I thought you were going to be at the coffee shop?" "Were you going to go?" "No." "Andrew I got to get home." "Ok I had this thing planned out in my head and it sounded really good and convincing." "But I can't remember any of it." "I like you." "You get me." "I didn't want to tell you about my mom because I knew you wouldn't go out with me." "You were right." "I know." "Jenny you make me excited about things." "When I met you I stopped thinking about how fucked up things are and I started thinking about you." "I had to call a radio show just to build up the courage to talk to you." "And I'm standing here and I just wish I could say the perfect quote the perfect thing that will make everything ok." "But I still can't think of anything." "Did you walk here?" "Yeah." "So I guess you need a ride?" "Yeah." "I'm sorry man." "Hey." "Hey." "I didn't see you at lunch today." "Yeah I went to first period, really wasn't feeling it so I decided to take the rest of the day off." "Cool." "You got in." "I thought they turned you down." "Look closer." "What the fuck is this?" "On my way home from school I made a little stop at the Dayton house and found that in the mailbox." "Yeah but I threw away my application." "And I pulled it out of the trash and had my mom write a cheque." "You owe her sixty bucks by the way." "You sent in my application?" "Your essays were shit but." "Are you fucking with me?" "No man." "Give me some love." "Well it's not LA but San Diego and Santa Cruz." "I got into both." "So I'll either be hanging ten or rolling joints." "That's great man." "You just gonna fucking stand there or you gonna open it?" "Do you mind if I wait?" "No." "Well uh my parents are throwing me a celebration dinner at Chili's you should come." "Thanks but I." "Congratulations man." "Thank you Carlos." "I mean it." "I know." "Can I help you?" "Is Jenny here?" "Grandma I got it." "Andrew what are you doing here?" "I got in." "Congratulations." "Mom?" "Mom?" "He's gone." "What?" "The TV, the jewelry, the fucking VCR he took it all." "I'm stupid." "I'm stupid." "I'm a fucking stupid mother." "I'm a fucking stupid piece of shit." "I'm calling the cops." "He said he was gonna marry me." "He said he just needed money for a ring." "Fuck him." "Say it." "Say how fucking stupid I am." "No you're not." "Say how you knew all along." "No." "Say how much I hurt you." "Mom." "Good news they promoted me to daytime." "Of course a smart guy like me they'd be crazy not to." "I always thought I'd be a big time radio DJ by now but hey this is good too." "Mom?" "Huh?" "Mom wake up." "Have some water." "I'm sorry." "It's ok." "You're the only one that loves me." "Jenny hey." "It's me." "You forgot to pack." "I'm sorry." "I understand." "I wanna come but." "It's ok." "You could wait?" "I gotta go."