"Look." "You'll get the hang of it." "Yeah." "Okay." "There you go." "Where did you put the food?" "I'm starving." "Oh, God, I  I put the food by the door." "I'm so sorry." "I'll get you something else." "I'm okay." "No." "You're exhausted and you need something to eat." "I will go get you something." "Okay, lie down." "This stuff they brought earlier was fucking disgusting." "I know it was disgusting." "Could you not say  "fucking" around the baby?" "Maybe, just like..." "Give it a week?" "Don't you think?" " Yeah, one week." "Okay, one week, alright?" "Lie down." "Okay." "I'll be back in a minute, alright?" "Your daddy's gonna get your mommy" " some fucking food" " A week." "And he better fucking hurry." "Yeah, it's very funny." "Hm, hey, excuse me, do you know where... is there a..." "Okay." "Erin." "Jonah." " Hi." "Hi." "Hey, I..." "I thought you moved to Brooklyn." "Yeah, no, I did, I umm..." "My mom still lives, here, so." "I'm here, with her for  for a little while, I think." "I heard you were still at the college." "Um, yeah." " Teaching, or?" " Yeah, I'm a professor now." "Wow, that was fast." "Yeah." " Umm..." " I hope it's nothing too serious, is it?" "Yeah, you know, uh..." "It's tough, she's..." " ... not even 60." " Oh." "Shit, I'm sorry." " Yeah, it's..." " I'm sorry." "I really always liked her." "Yeah, she really liked you too." "You actually  you actually made quite the impression on her." "She's um  been kind of tough on my boyfriends ever since we broke up." "No, come on." "No, really." "Um, are you okay?" "What are you doing here?" "Um..." "Well, my wife..." "Uh..." "Uh, Amy, she uh..." " Oh my God, I'm so sorry." " Oh, oh..." "Oh, yeah, thank you." "Thanks." "What took you so long?" "Uh, nothing." "Everything was closed, sorry." "It's alright." "Isabelle, it's only me." "Isabelle, look at me." "It's okay." "You're okay." "It's very difficult conditions of work." "You have no infrastructure." "It's very difficult conditions of work." "You have no infrastructure." "When you get to places,  you just have to wait most of the time." "Very often, we would be working together somewhere." "Photographers everywhere." "Something would happen,  they go to it like bees." "Looking at the same thing Focus on the same thing." "She'd get the shot." "Using memorable images under extreme hazard." "Congratulations..." "When I first started, I thought the job was to get as close as possible." "The exciting part was probably what drew me to it." "Then I became confused and I thought I" "I had to stay." "Until after the tanks had left to" " to show the damage, maybe the..." " The consequences" " the tole of war." " Yes, the other side of the war, you have" "The thing that most of my photographs, my recent photographs are the testimony of." "How long will you do this?" "And when will you know it's time?" "I think it's..." "Yes, if..." "It's my responsibility." "No, I don't think I should stop." "Why should I?" "In a twisted fate." "Having finally quit the hazardous world of conflict photography," "Isabelle Reed died in a car accident less than mile from her home in Nyack, New York." "She was 57 years old." "Leaving behind her husband,  and two sons." "Well, you get the idea." "It has to be this brief." "People don't like to watch long films as part of an exhibition." "Sure." "Sure." "Well, it seems..." "Seems totally fine to me." "Some of the prints of her photos are are already done." "Did you see them, on the way out?" "Oh, no, I didn't get a chance." " Oh, they look great." " Yeah." "Good." "We wanted to ask you." "I know it's been a while, but" "Have you kept any of her material at your house, something we can take a look at?" "Hm." "I'm afraid it's..." "It's all a bit of a mess." "Could there be something from her last trip?" "When she went to Syria, I never saw any pictures from that." "Well..." "I'll run it by Jonah and uh..." "I don't see any reason why you can't have a look." " Great." " We appreciate it." "They tell you I'm doing an article about Isabelle?" "For the New York Times." " Kind of a built up to the exhibition." " Yeah." "Yeah, they told me." "She always thought the one in print has been cropped a bit too much on the right." "Right here." "Oh, yes, yes." "I see what she meant." "So, when I write this article," "I don't think I can avoid mentioning how she died." "That is wasn't really an accident." "Yeah." "So, are you saying that you want to write that she, killed herself?" "Gene, I don't want to be a part of romanticizing what we do." "Isabelle wouldn't either." "I mean this is hard." "It takes a tole." "Then..." "Well, I..." "I don't have to tell you that is was hard on her." "Yeah." " Yeah." " So, um." "It's been a few years, so I..." "I just wanted you and the boys know before the uh..." "Before the article comes out." "And they know what really happened, right?" "Well, Jonah obviously does." "But Conrad, well, he was 12." "So..." "That's a conversation." "Come here." "Let me show you something else." " Yeah?" " Hey." " It's me. " " Yeah, I know dad." "So, what are you doing?" "I'm just with Kenneth and some others." "Okay." "No, I was just wondering what time you're coming home?" "Don't know." " I'm making tacos." "Yeah,I'm..." "I'm kinda busy right now dad." "I'll talk to you later." "Hello?" "Can I come in?" "What are you playing?" "Are you the girl?" "She's a sorceress." "A what?" "I play other characters too." "You know that meeting I had this morning?" "Well," "Richard was there." "You remember Richard, don't you?" "Well, he's gonna be writing this article and it just reminded me that there was some stuff that you and I..." "We just needed to to talk about." "Can you turn that off?" "Just out it on pause." "Conrad, can you please turn that off." "Get out!" "Get the fuck out." "Don't you speak to me like that." "I'm just trying to talk to you!" "Alright, stop this." "Stop this." "Stop it!" "This isn't funny." "Stop it!" "Wake up." "'But now as he sank farther and farther from the waves above,' 'it wasn't the crucial moments that came to him.'" "'Instead his thoughts traveled to the outer reaches of his memories,' 'small events long forgotten.'" "'He remembered a sentence he had read,' 'in the paper a few days a ago' 'and didn't understand.'" "'He thought of,' 'an old suitcase he had' 'stored in his uncle's attic,' 'a brief glance from a stranger.'" "'Inconsensual fragments all present'" "Inconsequential." "Inconsequential." "'Inconsequential fragments all present at once during his final seconds.'" "'Seconds that were not seconds any more but' 'stretched out to minutes.'" "'Time suspended.'" "'Seconds that were not seconds any more but stretched out to minutes.'" "'Time suspended.'" "What could she have been thinking?" "What went through her mind when she realized the accident was unavoidable?" "She remembered lying on the beach, dozing off, feeling the wind, blowing grains of sand on her face, thinking that if she just kept still long enough it would end up covering her." "Maybe she remembered places, our house," "the hallway, 'the living room," "Maybe she even thought about him." "She could have some little thing, something he himself, had forgotten." "Conrad!" "He was hiding." "Listening to her calling out his name." "He realized now she must have seen him." "All the time, he was standing there, she just pretended not to, never straying to far away, always watching him from the corner of her eye." "Conrad?" "Conrad?" "Conrad?" "Well, she seems to be implying that, to believe that, wisdom comes with old age, is a myth." "Wouldn't you agree?" " Yeah?" " Hey!" " It's me." " Yeah, I know dad." "So what are you doing?" "I'm with Kenneth and some others." "Okay." "Mm-hm." "No, I was just wondering what time you're coming home?" "Don't know." " I'm making tacos." " Yeah, I'm..." "I'm kinda busy right now dad, I'll talk to you later." "Thank you so much." "Can I help you?" "And then I was amazed because I couldn't feel anything." "But it was like, um..." "I felt like I was," " outside of it." " Um-hm." "All I could think was, this will destroy me." "My life will never be the same." "You make it sound like that might be a good thing." "And you were there too." " Really?" " Yeah, just watching." "I was just watching?" "I couldn't see you but I smelled your cigarette." " My cigarette?" " Um-hm." "In my dream, you were a smoker." "So..." "Why are you telling me this?" "Oh, I'm just wondering what it means, but" "But it's only a dream." " You want me to tell you what it means?" " Um-hm." "Okay." "You think that I'm passive and boring," " uh, something like that." " Um." "But really you're bored." "Because you're hanging around the house all day." "And you want to pick a fight with me." " Interesting." " Um-hm." " Did it touch a nerve." " Yes it did touch a nerve." "If you don't mind me saying so." "This guy who's, sitting there not saying anything just watching," "But you weren't not doing " "No you were just, uh..." "Was it like..." "Was it like this " "Or like this " "Or like this " "I don't know, but it was very scary." " Really?" " Um." "Um." "Hey, sleeping in?" " Hey!" " Hey." " Great to see you." " Hi." " Good to see you too." " So, uh..." "Where's Amy and the baby?" "Yeah, we finally decided against it." "It's a 6 hour drive with a baby in the car." "Yeah, I understand." "Sure, okay, well um..." "Let me get dressed and I'll see you in a moment." " Okay?" "Sure, take your time." "Do you want a cup of coffee?" "Wait, dad let's you eat that stuff?" "Um-hm." "It's interesting." "Opps." "You can see that I've started there, but it's just..." "Yeah." " You know, put aside some junk." " Yeah." "Hey, you know, we can still let the agency deal with this." "We can't give this to the gallery people." "I want to go through everything first." "Remember that tacky photo book they made?" "Listen, dad, mom was so protective of her stuff, okay?" "We wouldn't even now what we'd be giving them." "Look at this." "Yes, we wouldn't want this to fall into the wrong hands, would we?" "What do you do, what are you even looking at here?" "This is your headshot?" " Um-hm, yeah." "People saw this and said 'yes we would like him'." "What is that look on your face?" "You look like your about to murder somebody this side of the photograph." "Turn it over." "She kept it because she thought it was a really good photo of me." "Uh." "My agent thought that my good looks would hamper a serious acting career." "You're career might be hampered?" "You're too attractive." " That was you're problem" " Too attractive." "Wow." "Hey, why don't we get some breakfast?" "No, I'm fine." "I think I have pretty good idea about how to do this." "Oh, come on." "You haven't been here for a while, let's..." "Let's do it together." "You know, I actually I'd love to just get started." "Okay, sure." "Hey." "How's everything?" "Fine." "Did you find the towel?" "Yeah, the one that was on the bed?" " Yeah?" " Yeah." "I had my room all ready for you guys, but..." "It's really great to have you here." " Thanks." " I've been thinking, you know," "I think it's time that we told Conrad what happened with Isabelle." "Wait..." "Why, why now?" "Because he's older." "And you know this article that Richard is gonna write?" "I'm sure it's gonna be tasteful but he wants to mention it." "That's what he told me." "Well..." "I mean he can't, he can't do that." "Did you tell him he can't do that?" "You know, I've really been thinking about this." "And," "I think that Conrad has a right to know." "Yeah." "It's not been so great with me and him lately." "That's why I'm really thrilled that you're here." "That's all." "Goodnight." "He thinks I can't hear anything when he's on those earphones." "But you know, I know that he is up late every night, playing with games with these kids from" "New Zealand or Japan or whatever." "So, I got this idea to log on, but you can't just start playing, you know?" "You have to make up a character, so I've spent hours doing that." "And then I've spent a really long time, walking around in that world, looking for him." "So last night, I log on." "I, I am..." "So excited." "I'm walking around in this world." "And suddenly I see him." "There he is." "And he looks over and he sees me and" "I'm looking at him and he's looking at me." "Yeah." "I just wanted us to have some fun, you know?" "Oh..." "Sounds like fun." "I mean he didn't even know it was me." "Oh..." "Yeah." "It's kinda pathetic really, isn't it?" "No." "He's a good kid, you know." "It's just a difficult age." "She was young." "Somebody had said late thirties." "No children." "But she seems younger." "No, not when she smiled." "And how did he appear to her in this harsh classroom school lighting?" "Those earrings are just wrong." "Why wear something like that to a teachers get-together?" "Was it for him?" "No, he was just being conceded." "She was just being friendly." "Being knew at the school." "Being his colleague and all." "Oh, by the way," "I think you're gonna have my youngest son" "Conrad in your English class next year." "Youngest?" "I've got two boys." "The eldest is finishing his PhD in Sociology." "That's impressive." "Yeah, he's gonna be teaching next year and his wife is pregnant which means that I'm going to be a grandfather." " I can't believe it." " Congratulations." "Why the hell did he have to mention that?" "She was probably thinking of her grandfather now." "The odor of tobacco and urine." "Phones with large dials." "Dying slowly of throat cancer." "What's so funny?" "Nothing, nothing, not really." "Nothing" "Thank you." " Can I tell you something." " Yeah." "I shouldn't be really telling you this but fuck it." "This  is the first time that I've slept with somebody." "Probably since my wife passed away which was 2 years ago." "Probably?" "Well, there were one or two..." " Incidences." " Improper ones." "I was..." "I was too tense." "Hm." "Yeah, you know, it's just..." "You know, when you get older you're just more conscious of your body and the way it..." "It's getting weird sneaking around like this." "It's uncomfortable, looking at Conrad in class and pretending he's just like the other kids." "Yeah." "It was early and freezing." "There was a group of men, preparing the burial of a young boy." "Children were dying daily." "I felt I had to get this one right." "That this might convey something about what was going on." "And there was this,  man." "I thought he had to be the boy's father." "I was searching for some sign that it was okay to be there." "That he accepted me." "I'm faced with this every time." "Can I take a photo that tells their story?" "The way they would if they could tell it?" "And is that my job?" "Or, shouldn't I instead use this family to tell something bigger and in some ways more important?" "At the risk of reducing them to an example,  to victims." "In times of war or extreme poverty,  the codes for civilized behavior are suspended." "And so-called normal life,  nobody would go to a house where people are grieving and photograph them." "I try to approach people with respect." "I try not to speak to loud." "Or move to fast." "I want to be open." "I want to feel open in my heart toward them." "And, they do sense it." "Even with no words at all." "Hey, buddy." "Hey, come sit down." "Hey, I just wanted to talk to you." "And I wanted to know, um, if, if you ever think about mom?" "Do you ever think about the car accident?" "Why?" "Well, there's no story in a car accident, you know." "So people," "People have to make one up, they have to invent something, that they have something to blame or something." " You know?" " Hello?" "It's very normal, but, um..." "Honestly it was just bad luck." "I mean it's fucked up but, it's not like it was anyone's fault or anything." "You know?" "He's not doing that well." "I don't think you should tell him what you told me last night." " I..." " Yeah." "I don't know, I..." "Don't you think he deserves to know the truth?" "The truth?" "What is the truth?" "What some story that Richard wants to write now, is that the truth?" "He's gonna make her out to seem like she's some kind of," " a depressed person." " No, I don't think he will." "But she was depressed, you know that, right?" "I mean you were away at college, I mean," "Sometimes I think it must have been really hard for you." "I mean, it was tough here." "You don't know what was really going on, I mean, it was..." "Yeah you couldn't know what was going on." "Actually," "I did know what was going on cause she called me all the time." "When she wouldn't talk to you, she would talk to me." "I spoke to her all the time." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Anyway, I guess this story suits you perfectly though." "cause then you can make her out to be the negligent parent and you can be like the perfect parent." "Yeah, uh..." " I don't want to argue about his." " No?" "I guess I don't either." "Just think really hard about what you are doing here because" "I mean even if you see her that way," "I don't think Conrad has to." "It's Gene's baby!" "It's not my baby." " It's so cute." " Yeah." " Priceless." " Look at that, is that the mother?" " She's young!" " She's 28." "Oh, look at that one." "Yeah, this was taken just after she woke up." "Oh, my God." "That was so weird." "Oh, my God!" "Dude you're like the, like the Billy Elliot of Hip Hop." "Hey!" "Hey, man, I'm sorry." "No, no, it's funny." "It was really weird." "But it was really funny." "It was funny." "It was funny, it's fine." "What was it anyway, what are you watching?" "What are we listening to, what is that?" "It's old." "What else are you watching here?" "'BirdSkeleton" " DECOMPOSED'" "This is what you look at?" "You're gonna like, shoot up a school, are you?" "What is this?" "What are we looking at here?" "What are we watching here?" "Just wait." " Is there someone in charge" " Doctor Scanlon." " Okay." "Doctor, Scanlon?" "Doctor Scanlon?" "Doctor Scanlon?" " Excuse me, Doctor Scanlon?" "We have..." " Wait for it." "Excuse me Doctor!" "Oh my God!" ", Oh my God." "Oh my God." "Oh..." " Is that real?" " Mm-hm." "Oh, that's horrible." "Oh, don't look at us." " Look at his hair." " Oh God, that is so creepy." " Wait, how did you find..." " Wait, wait, wait, watch now..." " Any chance that you..." "OH!" " Are you okay?" "Oh my God." " Any chance that you..." "OH!" " Are you okay?" " Any chance that you..." "OH!" " Are you okay?" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "Okay, okay." "You can look everywhere, like up, down." " Oh my God." " It's everywhere." "Okay, okay, okay." "Okay, I'm going up the thing." "Hey, don't you think these games are kinda stupid." "You're aware that this is like a very one dimensional representation of US Military intervention, right?" "It's very realistic." " It's like, really being there, you know?" " Right." "I mean, you wear the headphones, it's like, everywhere." " Okay...?" " Mm." "Right, but do you think it's fun?" "You agree?" "What is that?" "I don't know." "Um." "Did you write this?" "Yeah." "Am I crazy thinking about setting fire to Mary Wilkinson's hair?" "Hair that burns, always smell really bad." "In 1999, three other boys with the name Conrad Reed were born." "I use 8 sheets of toilet paper, sometimes 12." "I wonder if people use more or less." "I have 14 pairs of socks if I count the warm woolen ones." "I've got 14 pairs of underwear." "20 t-shirts." "21 books." "108 comic books." "16 DVD's." "121 films on my computer." "After mom died in the accident, dad and I went on a trip to Egypt." "Kenneth didn't even know that Egypt is in Africa." "I like clips that are short and real." "It has to be real." "Goosebumps are real." "I don't like when people try to be funny." "I saw a woman wearing mom's green sweater." "Dad said it couldn't be her sweater." "He didn't give her clothes to the salvation army, to avoid meeting her clothes like that." "I remember mom giving me a hug in that sweater." "It felt stiff, like I didn't want her to give me a hug." "But, I really wanted her to give me g hug." "My characters:" "Mechazar," "Worthak," "Grimgash, kills." "Windor is a high elf." "I played her to level 41, but I prefer playing in Eight Blade." "The highest stamina I ever had was Brian Bartu." "He almost didn't real" "Once we stopped over in London and we" "The most times I jerked off in one day:" "Sometimes when I wear my headphones I think I'm breathing too loud." "So I stop, but, then when I start again, it's even louder." "Jonah reminds me of mom." "He's small and super smart." "And when he laughs, his face looks weird, but, in a good way." "I eat the green MM's last." "And in the beginning is was because I didn't like them." "But now I like them fine." "Red are the best." "Dad is everywhere." "When I turn around, he's there." "I can hold my breath for over a minute." "A body starts to decompose soon after you're dead." "It's two times faster under water than in the air." "It's four times slower if you're buried." "If it's cold, it slows it down even more." "In the tropics, a dead body can decompose in like under a day." "Sometimes I wish there were two of me." "Mom once should me how she could change the meaning of a picture by framing it differently." "It had a profound effect on me." "Mom was one of the best photographers ever." "It even says so on Wikipedia." "I know I know French." "I remember in France with mom, I'd understand stuff." "But I can't in school." "Listening and talking must be different parts of the brain." "Brain cells die in minutes." "But skin cells taken 24 hours after death can still grow in a lab." "People say hair and nails grow after death, but they don't." "It's the skin that shrinks, so it may look like it in a way." "In a dream I was back in kindergarten with dad." "I told him stuff and he like, understood." "He looked at me and said things but, didn't say stuff when I didn't want him to say anything." "There are days when I'm invisible." "I can do whatever I want." "I must be careful not to loose that ability." "When mom was in Irak, we always had dates in the house." "I was nine and I found a bullet with some of moms stuff." "I swallowed it." "Maybe it's still inside me." "Dad followed me today like he did just after mom died." "I felt I had to to something important." "So I wanted to show him I visit mom's grave." "But I couldn't find it." "I just fell down and another one." "Dude." "That's amazing." "It's..." "Seriously, it's really, really weird, but thank God." "Dad's really stalking you like that?" "What the hell is he doing?" "He can't do that." "Jesus." "And you just feel down on somebody's grave?" "Who's was it?" "Some random guy." "Valez, or something." " Really?" " Mm-hm." "It's like really weird but interesting." "It's really, it's really good." " Hi." " Hi." "Hey." "How are you, my love?" "Come here, let me get your stuff." "I decided I will go directly to the airport." " Yeah?" " Mm." "You had another fight with dad?" "Why don't you two get divorced already?" "Just, get it over with." "The price has changed, the public attention is so, fragmented." "There's too much noise now." "So, why do you still do it?" "Because I'm good at it." "I make a very good living out of it." " Yeah?" "I would say you're definitely good at it." " Yeah!" " Yes." "She's nice." " Who?" " The girl at the party." "Is she your girlfriend?" "No." "No." " Really?" " Yeah." "No, I mean," "I don't really..." "I don't really think I have time for it." "Mm." "You're so good at what you do." "You should have fun." "No?" "Jonah?" "Mm." "I'm glad I came." "I had fun." "Recently I have felt really tired." "I don't know why." "It's really good being here." "With you." "It makes me feel, like, um..." "Like I can still feel  passionate about things." "Are you sleeping?" "Yes, sorry, it's just like, it's such a mess up here." "My father just has not dealt with, any of my mother's stuff, so..." "But weren't you supposed to lecture here this week?" "Hey, it's not, hey, hey!" "Not my fault if the gallery people keep like fucking it up, is it?" " I'm just trying to talk to you." " Sorry, I know." "No I know." "Listen, um..." "I'll be back later tonight, okay?" "I've already packed." "I'll call you from the road, okay?" "Bye." " Hi." " Hi." "I was driving around the neighborhood and I," "I saw your light was on." "Oh." "Yeah." "Um..." "I was wondering, how you were doing?" "No, but I got to spend a lot of time with her." " Which was good." " Yeah." "Yeah, it's just..." "Not really how you want to remember someone." " Sure." " Yeah." "Yeah." "And um..." "I'm sorry to drop by like this," " No, No." " I just..." "No, this is stupid, I just, um..." "Um." "Yeah, I just like..." "I have a lot going on right now actually." "You know we've actually had sex in this bedroom before." " Yeah, I know." " Yeah." "You know what?" "Um." "You know I still haven't told Amy about my mother, about..." "About how she died." "Why?" "I don't know." "I mean when we first started dating, it was not like, a wonderful topic of conversation." "You know?" "But then everything moved so fast." "It become too late." "Sometimes I'm sure she's gonna leave me." "Really?" "Does she still have her hair?" "Her hair?" "Yeah, that was the part that, um... really bugged me about my mom." "Oh, her hair." "Yeah she has her hair still, so." "Great." "Yeah, thanks for asking." "Oh, my God." "What?" "I was uh  clearing out the last of my moms stuff the other day and I," "I didn't realize that I..." "Wait, did we just have sex with your mothers condoms?" " We might have done that." " Oh, great." " ..." " Oh, Jesus Christ." "Could you check the date?" " Jonah..." " I'm sorry." "Oh, my God." "Yeah, she was this lively person." "She was not this depressed..." "I know." "You talked about her all the time." " Really?" " Mm-hm." "Did she live up to it?" "Yeah." "Mm." "Yeah." "But...?" "No buts, I..." "You know, I didn't expect her to be so  fragile." "Fragile?" " Yeah." " Huh." "I don't know, that's not the right word but she was..." "No, no, it's just interesting, like..." "Would you have said that if you didn't know what happened to her later?" "No, probably not." "Right." "You're lucky." "I am?" "Why am I lucky?" "No, that's not mine." "Because," "You're better when you're in one place." "Except you?" "Except me." "I've had this feeling lately, I..." "I can't really explain it but," "I feel that, every time you go away I half expect that you're not gonna come back." "I understand." "It's normal." " Is it?" " Mm." "After this, I'll slow down." "I promise." "If it wasn't for you," "I would have stopped a long time ago." "You know, most of the other people I work with, they don't have anything to go back to." "Like I have." "They're..." "They're like addicts." " As soon as they go home, they want..." " Aren't you like that?" "... to go, to leave again." "Aren't you like that?" "No, not at all." "I don't wanna be the one to tell you to stop." "I stopped." "I gave up acting." " I never asked you to give it up." " I know you didn't." "I know you didn't." "Do you hear what you are saying?" "Do you hear how selfish that is?" "No, it's our life." "It's our family's life." "Me, and those two..." " I thank you, I thank you." "When they call me and they tell me you're at hurt." "You know the first thing I thought?" "About the kids." "Not about you." "Because that's what I've been expecting." "For years." "And there it is." "'Afghan Refugee Camps Struggle in Search of Aid.'" "It's great." "Anyway, thanks for taking me to the airport." "You're welcome." "I wanted to." "I know I said I wouldn't do this anymore." "After this, I'll slow down." "I promise." "Urgh." "I can't believe they still do this shit." " They're really good." " Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "They got second place in like, some competition." "Oh." "That's amazing." "Mm-hm." "There." "Which one?" " Grey hoodie." " Ah." "What happened to her arm?" "Man, she'll miss the game on Friday." " Hey, sorry." " Where are you?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah, no, no, I'm actually I'm still here." " Did you not get my message?" " No." "What's happening?" "Yeah, no, no, It's just been crazy up here." "Uh..." "Yeah, no I kept thinking I would actually make it back." "I'm actually, um..." "I'm in a middle of a meeting with the gallery right now." "Yeah, there was kind of a mix up." "I really need to talk to you." "Yeah, I will Skype you as soon as I get back to the house." "Okay?" "Who's that?" " No, I don't..." "What, I don't know." "No I don't know what that was, um..." "I miss you and um..." "Yeah, I got to go." "Okay, call me." "You know, if I had a girl," " I'd never lie to her." " Yeah?" "Good luck with that." "I'm gonna give it to her." "What?" "You know, the stuff you read." "To her?" "Mm-hm." "You serious?" "Yeah, I want her to know me." "Huh." "Okay, listen." "I thought you were kind of a like," "Like backwards and really weird, uh..." "But it turns out you're not." "You're um..." "I mean you're actually pretty cool." "And that stuff you wrote," "Really..." "That stuff was  it was excellent." "Still..." "And I'm telling you this because I love you, that girl is never gonna go for you in that way." "I'm sorry, she's just not." "It's not your fault." "I mean it's not her fault either it's..." "It's high school and like the hierarchy here?" "The status of looks and social skills." "All this bullshit is stricter here than anywhere else in the world." "That's why you should never give those notes to that girl." "I mean look at her, she's not gonna get it." "Look at her friends, they're gonna laugh at you." "I mean, they'll be wrong because," "You are way cooler than they will ever be." "You really are." "But, but they'll destroy you." "Just lay over for a few years." "Sit it out." "Okay?" "It gets better." "Do you understand me?" "Time's up." "This looks right just fill it back in." "No." "Why did you erase it?" "It's okay." "Just fill it back in when I collect the others." "No!" "That's not fair." "Stop joking around, just do what I say." "Sit down." "Sit down!" "I must admit, I'm  a bit lost here." "Me too." "And Conrad, you still have nothing to say for yourself?" "You know I don't think this will happen again." "Listen." "I'm not gonna see her again." "I know I fucked up." "I don't always do the right thing." "And I end up making these really stupid mistakes." "I'm sorry." "Is it..." "Is it difficult for you to talk to me?" "I mean, we don't always have to agree about everything." "But I think it's really important that you and I, are able to talk to each other." "You remember when you were a kid," "And we used to just... please." "Wow." "It's beautiful." "Wow." "When did you do this drawing?" "Today?" " Mm-mm." " No?" "Ah, before I came back." "Hm." "Look at this." "Isn't it pretty?" "Floating in the desert, but..." "You are very talented, Conrad." "Very talented." "I missed you so, you know?" "Yeah." "I'm so happy to be back." "Yeah?" "Um..." "Could you give this to Melanie, please?" "Melanie, it's for you!" " Who is it?" "It's a friend of yours." "Hold on." "I'll be there in a minute." "Thanks." "I rather you went through it than  those agency people." "You take anything with it?" "Oh, um... black." "Samina's moving to Jackson Heights." "With the kids." "And she is going back to school." "She wants to be an architect." "At  45." "It's all good." "Look." "I don't have to say this but I  did you have an affair with Isabelle?" "Yeah." "Yes, yes I did." "Did it go on for long?" "A while." "On and off." "But it was never here." "It was never stateside, it wasn't like..." "And I wanted to be with her Gene." "I was ready to leave Samina and everything." "But for her," "It only made sense when we were working." "So, when she stopped  going, uh..." "That was it." "She wanted to be with you." "And the boys." "Yeah." "She wanted to make that work." "I never believed it." "I was so...  .. I was just so angry." "I had this feeling all the time that  you know, that one day she was just  she was just gonna get up and  leave again." "One morning you're over there, doing something you feel is important." "But it's hard as well, you know." "You can't wait to go back home." "And then finally you're here." "You always arrive exhausted." "Having changed planes like four times." "You follow you convictions." "Your dreams, your passions." "And then all of a sudden, one day, it's your life." "And you are split." "You're split down the middle." "Yeah, but  you don't have to, you have a choice." "Yes." "But you can't  plan for what happens after you make that choice." "One morning, you find yourself, somewhere in the world, doing what you believe in." "What feels important." "And then it is frustrating as hell because you can not wait to get back home again." "And then you are home and  and you're exhausted." "You've..." "It's been a day and a half getting home." "Changing planes four-five times  and all you want to do is get some rest so  you know, catch up." "But you hear them." "Trying to be quiet." "Just waiting for you to come out." "They don't know how much they have changed,  since last time you saw them." "Oh, thank you for the luggage." "You have to learn all the names of the new things that they are interested in." "Things that would change again a month from now." "Television programs, films, you know." "Foods, that they like now which they didn't like before." "And uh..." "After a few days you feel better in the role." "No, it's not even a role." "You like it." "They want you there." "They love you." "You can feel it." "And you love them too." "More than anything." "But you still feel like you're in the way." "And the way of what they usually do." "Again you get the feeling that you're in the wrong place." "It's not that they don't want you there." "But...  ... they don't really need you." "Hello?" "Hey." "You okay?" "I thought you said it wouldn't come out until the end of the month." "That's a really big piece." "He puts it into context." "Just like you said he would." "He seems to know her really well." "Is that what you wanted?" "Did Conrad see this?" "I don't know." "I haven't seen him." "Hey, this is Conrad." "Please leave a message after the tone." "Hey, Conrad it's me." "It's kind of important." "I need to talk to you." "Thanks." "Conrad?" "Jonah?" "You've reached Hannah Brannon." "Please leave a message." "I think we've got to bring something, you know?" "We cannot like, not bring something, right?" "I guess, yeah." " You sure you don't want anything?" " No, I'm okay." "Is there anyway, if I like, take  double or something...  ... that I could maybe buy some beer?" "I think it's this way." "It should be it." "Is that T.J.?" "Do we really want to do this?" "I don't know." "We're here." "I think I'm gonna go." "Are you coming?" "Sorry." "You." "You, like, spat Ms. Brannon in the face." "I have to get home." "I don't feel so good." "I'm like injured, I shouldn't be out." "You know, but I just..." "I know, I never like  fall like that." "Mia, has my place now." "She's like really good." "You know?" "Did you read the..." "Did you look at that thing I gave you?" "You wrote that?" "That was..." "You're Conrad?" "Yeah." "Oh..." "Where  did you get all that stuff?" "What do you mean?" "Did you like find it online or something?" "No." "You came up with all that?" "Mm-hm." "You know, I've..." " Oh..." " Are you okay?" "Oh my God." "Can you help me?" "Can you help me with the buttons?" "Tell me if anyone comes." "And no peeking." "Just a little peeking." "No peeking." "You're nice, you know that?" "He could still many years from now recall the scene in all its detail." "The lock of hair she carefully placed behind her ear." "The way the washing label stuck out from the neck of her tank top." "The street lights that went out as they passed Kevin Anderson's house." "That strangely familiar smell of damp earth he couldn't quite place." "As a stranger passed, he glanced at them as he went by, probably thinking they were a couple." "She had said that she wanted to have lunch with him Tuesday after English." "He knew that this would never happen." "That she would feel differently Monday back in school." "But at that moment he just enjoyed that she felt like saying this to him." "That she maybe really felt like having lunch with him." "That while they were walking there like that," "Having lunch together at school seemed to her like a perfectly natural thing to do." "Goodnight." "Where are you?" "Are you okay?" "So it's true?" "Paper?" "Is true?" "Yes it is." "Why didn't you tell me?" "I saw her you know." "I saw how she was." "I was here." "I know." "I'm sorry." "Am I really that difficult to talk to?" "No." "It's me." "It's me too." "It's difficult." "Hey." "I'm okay." "I know you are." "I'm okay." "You sure you don't want something?" "Some breakfast maybe?" "No, I got to get some sleep." "You shouldn't stay out like that, you know." "I know." "You know..." "Jonah." "He's not doing so well." "Yeah." "Yeah, I know." "I'll talk to him ." "You get some sleep." "Hey." "So, how are you doing?" "It's time to go home to Amy." "Yeah." "Yeah, I know." "But I don't think I can drive right now." "Been drinking." "Come on." "I'll take you." "Mom, had been away like she used to." "In Africa or something." "And she came back." "For her exhibition." "But she had a baby with her." "And...  ... when I was little I thought she should do that." "Just, bring them back here." "But this was Jonah's baby." "And me and Dad were very curious." "Because we hadn't really met her." "Not for real." "The baby was a very old man." "And it didn't feel strange." "It was just...  ... Jonah's baby." "He couldn't really talk, being a baby and all but...  ... he was very nice and he really liked me." "I could tell." "I can remember we all felt proud, you know." "That  she was our mother."