"(barking orders)" "("Bridal Chorus" playing)" "(sobbing)" "Now, now, dear, it's good luck when the best man is late." "This is getting ridiculous." "Where is that Sergeant Bilko best man of yours?" "Excuse me, I'm checking." "Hello, hello?" "Fort Baxter?" "I'm-I'm looking for Sergeant Bilko." "What?" "Well, what is it?" "They're looking for him, too." "(sobbing continues)" "Let me have that phone." "Let me talk to your commanding officer Colonel Hall." "This is George Bigel..." "Captain Bigelow of the National Guard speaking." "Yes." "Sergeant Bilko-- best man." "I haven't liked him since we caught him trying to pawn the ring." "Hello?" "Oh, in conference." "All right, I'll call him back later, yes." "So you nabbed him in time, huh?" "Yes, sir." ""Nabbed him"?" "Sir, you make it sound like I'm a crim..." "I said nabbed you." "Bilko, you knew you were restricted to quarters awaiting an assignment." "Sir, I was just strolling around the post..." "Where did you nab him?" "He was headed toward the back area, sir." "You see, there's a hole in the fence there and that's where..." "I know that hole." "It's the one they call "Bilko's gateway to happiness."" "Uh, good work, Corporal." "Dismissed." "Colonel, about that hole" "I had noticed the hole in the fence." "I was on my way to patch it up." "Quiet!" "But he..." "On your way to patch it up, huh?" "Patch it up..." "My, beautiful." "I'm the last to know when the Army issues a new type of fatigue uniform." "Colonel, sir, I think I can explain..." "You think you can explain." "I know I can." "You were on your way to be best man at that wedding in town, after I told you that this assignment came up and you'd have to make other arrangements." "But sir, I had the ring." "I know." "And he's my best friend." "He must be, to give you a ring." "Gee whiz, sir, the way you put that..." "Bilko, you know I give you men every break." "I let you off for these special occasions." "But this is a priority assignment." "Those rookies will arrive here from the induction center at any minute." "Rookies?" "What rookies, sir?" "What rookies?" "You mean you didn't even read the orders?" "Sir, I've been very busy." "Doing what?" "Your motor pool platoon is on bivouac." "An annual event." "Which, as usual, you got out of." "Well, sir, you see, my leg-- it's been in..." "Oh, yes, your leg, yeah." "I noticed it doesn't bother you when you hear about a poker game at the other end of the post." "I've seen you outrun jeeps." "Sir, if you're going to believe a lot of rumors spread by disgruntled losers, why those..." "Bilko, all I'm interested in is seeing that you get these new recruits their first week basic training." "But, sir, you see, basic training-- it's so physical." "I've spent my entire Army career concentrating on more..." "I know what you've concentrated on, and we're trying to stamp it out." "Now, get ready." "(phone ringing)" "Hello." "Oh, Captain Bigelow of the National Guard?" "Uh... oh, yeah, put him on." "He-He probably wants to talk about the war games." "Sir, I think that's for me." "You?" "Yes, sir, you see, that's the father of the girl that's going to marry my best friend." "Those two souls just waiting to be united, sir." "Answer it." "This is Sergeant Bilko." "Sergeant Bilko, what's the meaning of this?" "!" "We're standing around here like idiots!" "Hello, Dad." "Let me talk to him." "Ernie, what happened?" "Look, Harry, if you want me for best man," "I think you have to make a postponement for a while." "A postponement?" "!" "(gasps)" "(sobbing)" "Ernie, I can't go through this again." "Look at my hands." "Wait a second, just wait." "Sir, can I give him a definite date?" "You can leave the post Friday night." "Friday night?" "That's the night of the war games, sir." "I know." "I want you as far away as possible." "This year, I intend to win." "Harry?" "Friday." "Friday?" "That's the earliest?" "Okay, Ernie, but please, please don't fail me." "Your draw." "I'll take one." "MEN:" "# ...in the Army now #" "# We're not behind a plow #" "Here they come." "Why must they always sing?" "# We'll never get rich #" "# By digging a ditch #" "Come on, welcoming committee." "# We're in the Army now #" "Hup, two, three, four." "# We're in the Army now #" "Hup, two, three, four." "# We're not behind a plow #" "Hup, two, three, four." "Hup, two, three, four." "# We'll never get rich #" "# By digging a ditch, we're in the Army now. #" "Hup, two three four, hup, two, three, four." "Company, halt." "One, two." "Basic Training Squad 345, Section B reporting at Fort Baxter to Sergeant Bilko for basic training instructions." "Hi." "Sorry, sir, our truck broke down." "That's why we're an hour late." "That's all right..." "Did we miss much?" "Oh, get this." "Here's an eager beaver-eenio here." "What's your name, son?" "Hawkins." "Hawkins." "Write down that name-- "Hawkins."" "Right after it, put "WHC."" "I'll tell you what it means-- "watch him closely."" "Back in line." "All right, men..." "We're anxious to get started, sir." "Started?" "Yes, sir." "We want to get out in the field. -(all murmuring)" "Whoa, whoa, what's this "started"?" "Where are you going?" "Uh, well, we want to start our basic training." "You do?" "Yeah." "Well, well, here, take it easy." "You're all tensed up." "A tense soldier is no good to me." "Relax." "You got a week to relax." "And walk around the post, become acquainted." "Drop in at the PX." "Investigate the service clubs." "Look in at the game rooms." "You can see Corporal Barbella about Ping-Pong balls." "Ten-shun!" "Dismissed." "Who deals?" "You got the cards...?" "But Sergeant." "Yes?" "Uh, Sergeant, according to the schedule, we're supposed to be on the rifle range this afternoon." "That's right." "My bad ear." "I didn't hear too..." "But sir..." "(barking orders)" "Who deals?" "Get the cards..." "He's..." "But Sergeant." "What is it?" "The schedule says we're supposed to get marksmanship tests, close-order drill, map reading and obstacle course this week." "What's your name, soldier?" "My name, sir?" "Name, rank and serial number." "Wi-Wilkins, William B. Recruit 51076361." "Listen here, 5361, you're in the Army now." "Up to now, you've been taking orders from Buffalo Bob and Pinky Lee." "Now you're taking orders from me." "I just told you to relax." "And that's what I want." "Relax!" "Take it easy!" "Let that tension go!" "Relax!" "Go on!" "Browse through a comic book." "Who deals?" "I got..." "BARBELLA:" "He's the..." "Oh, but sir." "Get off my back, will ya, kid?" "But, Sergeant, if we don't do anything, sir, what are you going to put down on our weekly progress report?" "Weekly progress report?" "What's that?" "He's right, Ernie." "You got to fill this out." "Here's a list of things they got to do by the end of the week." "All right, might as well get it over with now." "What's first?" "BARBELLA:" ""Close-order drill."" "Close-order drill." "I just have to look at you guys," "I know you're great at that." "Put down" ""Experts, close-order drill." -(recruits clamoring)" "Easy." "What is there to it?" "There's nothing to it." "What are you making a big...?" "All right," "I'll put you through it." "Show you how we do it." "Ten-shun!" "Right... hut!" "Parade... right... flank!" "Parade... right!" "Company... right!" "Company halt!" "(barks order)" "Did you ever see such precision?" "Did you ever seen such sharpness?" "Mark down "Close-order drill excellent."" "As you were, gentlemen." "Hup, hup." "What's next?" "Marksmanship." "Marksmanship." "All right, any of you guys ever fire a gun?" "No." "No, sir." "Well, the rest of you guys can can tell the rest about it..." "Put down "Marksmanship excellent." Very good." "All right, next?" ""Character of recruits."" "Character of recruits is a very important detail." "We want to know how the boys stack up..." "You dropped a dollar, Sarge." "Fine." "Put down "Honest boys-- can be trusted with anything."" "Very good." "Next?" ""Do the recruits seem happy in their surroundings?"" "Do the recruits seem happy in their surround...?" "All you men answer after me, "Yes."" "RECRUITS:" "Yes." "Put down "They love it here;" "it's just like their home." "Everybody's very happy." All right, what's next?" "BARBELLA:" "That's all there is." "Well, that week certainly went fast, didn't it, gentlemen?" "All right, boys, step around, have fun, take it easy, do what you want." "If you come in late, tippy-toe in; people are sleeping." "Now come on, get the cards and we'll start..." "What was that?" "I didn't say anything, sir." "Just testing you." "I don't want an eager beaver on my hands." "Good boy." "Take it easy and you'll live longer." "You'll be old and gray before your time." "Sir, I didn't mean to be a pest, but you see, I was top man in my military school and I wanted to start off my Army career by being a part of a crack basic training squad." "Kid, you're going to be all right." "Wait till you see that report I make out on you." "I wouldn't be surprised if they send you up to New York to head the Army Day Parade." "Sarge, how are we going to march if we don't go out on the... on the parade ground?" "(recruits clamoring)" "Go out?" "Go..." "What is this go out?" "What are you, fresh air fiends?" "What... go out, go out!" "Listen, I'm a little suspicious of rookies who always want to go out of the barracks." "Show me a guy who leaves the barracks a lot," "I'll show you a future AWOL." "But, sir, we have to go out." "(Bilko whines mockingly)" "You want to go out, go ahead." "Go." "On your way." "But, Sergeant, regulations state that every basic training squad must be accompanied by its sergeant." "Oh, that's the whole routine." "You all got together, ganged up, huh?" "Let's put the old sergeant through the paces, huh?" "Let's get him out in that broiling sun." "Let's march the old sarge way up to the rifle range." "You don't care about the years and the injuries" "I've given to my country." "That's the way you want it-- all right, I'll fall in with you." "Corporal, how far is it to that rifle range?" "Three miles." "Three miles." "It's three miles to the rifle range." "Follow me, men." "Sergeant Bilko." "Yes, what is it?" "I'm sorry, sir." "Sorry for what?" "I want none of your sympathy." "You want me to lead you, and by George, I'm gonna lead you." "Onward to the rifle range." "(groans) Stand back." "I want no consideration just because this leg has been shattered." "I'll lead you, even if it takes one leg." "Forward, men." "BARBELLA:" "Sarge!" "No, no, I must lead these men." "They need me." "Sergeant, I'll be glad to go out and train the men for you." "Good boy." "But we need a sergeant." "I appreciate your words, Sergeant Wilkins." "Sergeant Wilkins?" "But I don't want this to spread around with the other officers." "You know, they're very jealous around here." "Now, keep it under your hat." "Yes, sir." "I trust you with these men." "Handle 'em and take 'em on the way." "Thank you, sir." "Thank you." "Get in line." "(barking orders)" "Right face." "Forward... hut!" "# We're in the Army now #" "Hut, two, three!" "# We're not behind a plow #" "Hut, two, three!" "# We'll never get rich by digging a ditch #" "Hut, two," "three, four!" "Hut!" "# We're in the Army now. #" "Hut!" "Who deals?" "(machine gun firing)" "WILKINS:" "Hup, two, three, four." "Hup, two, three, four." "Company, halt." "Well, commandos, how are you?" "Where you been?" "I've been missing you around here." "Oh, we've been here, sir." "We've just been leaving before you got up, and getting back after you were asleep." "Here's a list of things we just completed, sir." "Oh, it's lonesome around..." "All I do is sign papers." "Off you go, and I never see you." "Wilkins taught us all about map reading, sir." "And gave us an orientation on the M1 rifle." "Yeah." "And compass variations." "No kidding?" "Good boy." "Now there's another little phase of Army maneuvers you got to learn." "It's very good for you." "It's just as important as combat duty." "It's called poker." "I'm going to teach it to you." "It's very relaxing." "Attention!" "Now you take a card..." "Sir, I was just teaching them a little jujitsu..." "At ease. -...to get the boys up and everything." "You don't have to tell us what you've been teaching these men, Sergeant Bilko." "I don't?" "No, sir." "The records prove it." "Highest platoon in marksmanship." "Highest rating in drill." "New record set on the obstacle course." "Bilko, you've trained them well." "How about that?" "Thank you, sir." "What the training officers liked most was that they were never conscious that you were around." "I wasn't." "I was behind a tree, watching them all the time." "Good." "Develop self-reliance in the recruits." "Oh, by the way, Bilko, a Harry Burns has been calling constantly." "Same message-- "Be sure you make it tonight."" "Yes, I know." "I'm the best man at his wedding tonight, sir." "But the war games are tonight." "Well, the Colonel excused me." "As a matter of fact, he insisted I stay away from 'em." "Well, I hope the sergeant who takes over this squad tomorrow does half as good as you do." "That's very nice of you, sir." "Thank you, sir." "Gosh, you're leaving us, sir?" "Well, that's the way it goes." "But I'm gonna miss you boys with the pitter-patter of feet and the little sing-songy voices in the barracks." "But that's the way it goes." "Well, sir, you see, we want to thank you, because, uh, you were a great inspiration to us, sir." "You are the finest sergeant a squad could ever have." "In here-- does it get you in here?" "Good boy." "And that makes me feel very proud, and makes me very proud of you." "You've done a darn good job." "I..." "I'm thinking of recommending you for West Point." "West Point, sir?" "Yes, you know, the Long Gray Line" "Flirtation Walk, Maureen O'Hara." "Gosh." "Yeah." "Yes, I may write your congressman." "Oh, thank you, sir." "Three cheers for Sergeant Bilko!" "Hip, hip..." "Hooray!" "Hip, hip..." "Hooray!" "Hip, hip..." "Hooray!" "Now look, first you take a card, and then we'll make..." "Sarge!" "All right, later, later." "According to our information, if we launch our attack at 1900, we catch the main National Guard concentration at this point here." "We'll beat them this time, sir." "We better." "If I lose to the National Guard once more," "I'm going to resign." "Now, here's our attack." "Well, now, according to my policy, the, uh, top honor squad of the post spearheads the attack." "Now, which squad is that?" "We just checked the records, sir, and the winning squad is" "Basic Training Squad 345, Section D." "HALL:" "Ehh..." "They rung up one of the finest scores on the post, sir." "Eh, good." "Now, who's the squad leader?" "Sergeant Bilko." "Good, we'll..." "Bilko?" "Lieutenant, if that's a joke, it's in very bad taste." "A joke, sir?" "Well, look at the records of this squad, sir." "Map reading, terrain recognition, night maneuvers." "They'll follow a needle through a haystack." "With Bilko leading 'em, our worries are over, sir." "Bilko spearheading an attack?" "Why, I've never all... never allowed him in the games before." "Why, he just stays back here on the post and makes book on how soon I'll be captured." "Why, that's ridiculous!" "Ridiculous, huh?" "Last year, he won $200." "Huh?" "Huh?" "!" "(laughs)" "Little flash in the ol' Sarge left, huh?" "(excited chatter)" "Gee, Sarge, we sure wish we could finish our training under you." "I know, but you got to learn to stand on your own two feet." "Gee, we're sure gonna miss you, Sarge." "I'll miss you guys, too." "I'll be interested in what'll happen to you." "Listen, if you get shipped overseas, look, you ever find yourself in Manila," "I got a telephone number for you." "May I tell you?" "!" "Sarge!" "He'll be a year older." "Now look, this girl's name is Tangerine..." "Ten-shun!" "And has she got the most..." "Lieutenant." "At ease." "Sir." "Sergeant Bilko, congratulations." "Oh, anybody looks good when they're fitted right, sir." "Yes." "Sergeant, you've been chosen the honor squad." "Honor squad!" "BARBELLA:" "Us?" "!" "HENSHAW:" "Hey!" "How about that?" "!" "Never have we seen a squad so beautifully trained." "Look at these terrain recognition problems." "How you like that?" "Terrain..." "What?" "What is that?" "He means the tangents to the perimeter angles you taught us." "Oh, yes, the terangents of the perimeter." "It wasn't easy, sir." "Never have I seen a squad that shows such clear trajectory perambulars." "I've been working on our trajectory..." "The equation of the projectile velocity." "Is that beautiful?" "You tell it to them once, they remember it." "Very sharp little minds." "I tell you, Bilko, never have I felt such confidence in these war games tonight, now that you're spearheading the attack." "How about this, huh?" "I'm..." "I'm gonna spearhead the what?" "It's the colonel's orders." "The honor platoon leads the attack." "But sir, I-I can't!" "I gotta be best man at a wedding tonight, sir." "There mu... must be some mistake." "No, no, there's no mistake, Sergeant." "Be ready to jump off at 1900." "Jump off?" "Sir, if I'm not at that wedding, there's a groom gonna jump off a building, sir." "I'm sorry, Bilko." "How can you speak of wedding?" "Here's a map." "We'll brief you just before the zero hour." "But, sir, this bridegroom's on the verge of a nervous breakdown." "I've got to be there!" "Sorry, Bilko." "Every war must have its casualties." "And this is war." "That's all." "Thank you, sir." "Gotta find a way to get out of these war ga..." "Wilkins, here." "Yes, sir." "How long will it take me to contact the enemy?" "Well, if we bring the main force up on a flanking attack..." "Flanking?" "!" "What's in the...?" "Me!" "How long will it take me to contact the enemy?" "Yourself?" "But, sir, that's bravery above and beyond..." "Don't worry about the bravery and above." "In a straight line, how long will it take me to contact the enemy?" "32 minutes, sir." "(barks orders)" "Here." "Let me see." "If I start at 7:00, I should be there by 7:32." "Uh, let me see." "I surrender..." "Surrender?" "!" "And I'm out of there by a quarter to 8:00." "Right?" "But, Sarge, isn't there some red tape about handing over your sword?" "Handing over my sword?" "That's for officers." "Enlisted men, all they have to do is holler, "Fins!"" "That's all." "Sarge, it won't work." "They're gonna take you prisoner." "Right." "I gotta..." "Wilkins..." "Yes, sir?" "Forget about West Point." "Come on." "SOLDIER (over radio):" "Stand by, all combat units." "Army "B" for "Baker."" "It is now zero minus five." "This is it, men." "We jump off in five minutes." "Peterson, you check that compass variation?" "Check." "Bazooka team ready?" "Check." "How's the field radio?" "Check." "Check." "Men, Sergeant Bilko is in there waiting to lead us." "We mustn't let him down." "Check?" "ALL:" "Check!" "Easy, easy." "Ernie, you're crazy going AWOL!" "Relax." "And on the night of the war games." "What AWOL?" "Why don't you get smart?" "I'm just gonna get lost for a little while." "Ernie, I don't like it!" "Oh, shut up." "I know these war games." "It's dark out there." "Guys get lost." "Sometimes you don't hear from them for three days." "I'm over the wall, through the fence, out on the road hitching a ride." "I'll be at that wedding before the first note of "Oh, Promise Me."" "OFFICER:" "Ten-shun!" "What's that?" "Hat, hat!" "Oh, Bilko, there you are." "Major, sir, I was just laying out some last-minute plans." "Final briefing." "Bilko, you know the terrain." "Bisect perimeter "B," probe zones six, seven, eight." "Report back X-42 in code "D" for "David."" "Yes, sir." "Explain it to your men." "Men, you heard every word he said." "Remember every decimal point of what you just heard." "Synchronize watches." "Synchronize watches." "Five, four, three, two." "Hyup!" "Good show!" "Thank you, sir." "SOLDIER (over radio):" "Stand by, Spearhead Squad "B" for "Bilko."" "It's now zero minus three." "All right, men..." "This is it." "I've taught you everything I know." "The rest is up to you." "We'll come through, Sarge." "I know you will, but after all, it is combat." "Things might happen." "We may become separated." "Oh, don't worry, Sarge." "We'll stick with you." "He's gonna stick with me." "Now look... things do happen!" "People do get separated." "Think for yourself." "Oh, don't worry, Sarge." "We won't disgrace you." "It's no disgrace!" "Remember the Lost Battalion?" "They were heroes." "I have an idea I'm looking at another Lost Battalion." "Now, men, make me proud of you." "Good show!" "Men, get out there and give 'em heck." "We're with you, Sergeant." "ALL:" "Hey!" "They're with me." "But not for long, huh?" "Oh, hat, hat, my hat!" "Solid!" "SOLDIER (over radio):" "Time is zero minus one." "Wilkins!" "Private Fleischman." "Sergeant Bilko just climbed out the window." "He's headed for the back fence!" "This is it, men." "He's testing our alertness." "Scouts, follow him!" "Pick up his trail!" "We must not lose him!" "ALL:" "Check!" "Radio headquarters." "The rest of you men, follow me!" "Spearhead Squad "B" for "Bilko" to headquarters." "We are jumping off." "We are jumping off." "(tires screech)" "Coming!" "(vehicle pulls away)" "There he goes." "Scouts, commandeer a car and follow him." "Check." "Check." "TX the HQ." "The rest of you men, follow me." "Sector seven." "Sector seven." "Sector seven." "Point six." "Point six." "Point six." "Position seven." "Position seven." "Position seven." "Wait." "Why, they're going in the wrong direction!" "Bilko must have spotted a change in the enemy concentration." "There's some more coming in." ""We just crossed Highway 14."" "Highway 14." "Crossed Highway 14." "That was sector 14." "Sector 14." "Sector 14." "They've gone off the map!" "What is it?" "You're where?" "Highway 40?" "That's not even on the map!" "We could stop at a filling station and get a road map." "A road map?" "!" "What kind of a war is this?" "Well, they're the spearhead, sir." "They know what they're doing." "Hang on, we're" "following you up." "They're going the wrong direction." "Send up the advance units." "Send up the flares." "Headquarters to Tank Unit "B":" "Start pulling up positions." "We'll follow." "Send up the artillery, all the heavy stuff." "We're moving in!" "What do I have to do, join an auto club?" "It was sure nice of you to give me this lift." "Well, let's get going, if you want to make that wedding." "Yeah, yeah." "Hey, Nick..." "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, this is on me." "Here you are, Nick." "Thank you." "You know, when I picked you up," "I never figured you for a soldier." "Soldier!" "We don't get many soldiers in this place." "Why don't you tell your buddies about it?" "I'll do that, Nick." "If you'll just drop me off at a flower shop." "MAN:" "Sure, sure, anything." "(whistle blows)" "Scouts, follow him!" "Check!" "Check!" "Set up field quarters." "Send our position." "Tell 'em this is Advance Base "A" for "Able."" "The rest of you men, follow me!" "Advance Base "A" for "Able" to headquarters." "Reporting..." "Reporting position." "Advance Base "A" for "Able" to headquarters." "Reporting position." "Advance..." "Headquarters calling Advance Base "A" for "Able."" "Headquarters calling Advance Base "A" for "Able."" "Where are they?" "!" "What's your position?" "Nick's Diner." "Nick's Diner?" "!" "Why, that isn't even on the road map." "Maybe they're listed in Duncan Hines." "There you are, sir, our wedding special." "Very nice." "I guess you've been pretty busy with that wedding up the street, huh?" "Oh, yes, but it's quiet now." "Yeah, thanks very much." "Thank you." "Good night." "(cash register dings)" "(whistle blows)" "(gasping):" "I have no money!" "Scouts, don't lose him!" "Check." "Check." "Call headquarters." "Send our position." "The rest of you men, follow me." "Advance Base "A" for "Able" to headquarters." "Reporting new p... re..." "reporting new position." "Now where are they?" "Headquarters calling "B" for "Bilko."" "Headquarters calling "B" for "Bilko."" "State your position." ""Sam's Florist Shop"?" "Sam's Florist Shop?" "Oh, I'm looking at the menu!" "Not here." "("Bridal Chorus" playing)" "We are gathered here today to join in matrimony the two young people who stand before me." "And it gives me special pleasure to be here on this occasion, because I have known the Bigelow family for a long time." "Oh!" "BIGELOW:" "Henrietta!" "(woman gasps)" "Henrietta!" "Get some water!" "BIGELOW:" "No, no, no, no, no, go on with the wedding!" "Mother would have wanted it that way!" "MINISTER:" "But sir..." "No, no, get on with the wedding, will ya?" "!" "I have to rejoin my regiment!" "Come on, dear." "Wake up." "Take it from the top, Rev, huh?" "Friends..." "You're all right now." "...we are gathered here today to join..." "Don't move!" "(Henrietta screams)" "(panicked clamoring)" "Good show, Fleischman!" "Check." "What are you doing here?" "Well, isn't this their headquarters, sir?" "What is the meaning of this, Bilko?" "!" "I never saw these men before in my life." "Must be a Boy Scout jamboree." "Back to your tents!" "We simply can't go on!" "On with the wedding." "Go on with the wedding!" "Let's go on." "No, go on with the wedding!" "Get in your places." "Ernie?" "We'll go right on like nothing..." "Will you get out of here?" "Go on." "Hit it, Rev." "Friends... we are gathered here today to join in matrimony the two young..." "(whistle blows) -(clamoring)" "Establish the beachhead!" "Who are these people?" "!" "HALL:" "Bilko!" "Colonel, were you invited to the wedding?" "What is the meaning of...?" "!" "I demand an expl...!" "Keep out of this!" "Well, well, Captain Bigelow of the National Guard." "Yes, and I..." "Men, place him under arrest!" "You can't...!" "We've captured their commander!" "You... we haven't started yet!" "You're craz... we..." "The war is over!" "(all cheering)" "Finish the wedding!" "Finish the wedding!" "The wedd..." "Won't you stay for the refreshments, Colonel?" "Go right in..." "MINISTER:" "Friends..." "ANNOUNCER:" "Wilkins was played by Eddie Bruce," "George Bigelow by Humphrey Davis." "Lieutenant Anderson was played by Jim Perry."