"Hey, guys Hey" "Hey." "What are you doing?" "Oh, figuring out our wedding plans" "That's funny." "We were doing the same thing." "Yeah." "It's really crazy" "The hall, the dress, the food, I, I had no idea how expensive this stuff was" "Yeah, it is really pricey." "I mean..." "I freaked when I first heard the numbers" "So what did you two do about it?" "It was pretty simple actually." "I came up with a couple of cost-cutting solutions, wrote out a list and Monica told me to go to hell." "There is no way around it, Pheebs." "You're just going to have to accept the fact that this is going to cost you a lot of money" "I heard the weddings are like a 40-billion-dollar-a-year industry" "Yeah, and I'm responsible for just like half of that" "Mike, really it does seem like this money could be put to better use" "You serious?" "Yeah, now how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity and, and we just got married at city hall" "I think it would make me want to marry you even more" "I've got to say, you guys, that's, that's an incredible gesture" "Maybe you do that next time you get married" "No, no, no, the next time's going to be Hawaii at sunset." "But maybe the time after that" "The One With The Home Study" "Hey Hey" "What's going on?" "Our adoption social worker is coming by today so we're cleaning the apartment" ""We"?" "You know you don't want me to help" "You can't have it both ways!" "Hey, is this the person who decides whether or not you get a baby?" "Kind of." "She's coming by to interview us and see where we live" "And it has to go perfectly because if she doesn't like something about us, she can keep us off every adoption list in the state." "Hey, maybe I should stop by." "She could be a soap opera fan." "It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity" ""Little people"?" ""Celebrity"!" "Okay, so I think I'm just about done here, um, unless you have any bad stuff hidden somewhere like porn or cigarettes?" "What?" "No!" "Chandler" "I don't and I'm offended by the insinuation" "Okay, so there's not a magazine under the couch or a pack of cigarettes taped to the back of the toilet tank." "or a filthy video in the VCR" "I admit to the cigaretts and the magazine but that tape is not mine" "Well, it isn't mine!" "I guess we'll never know whose it is" "May I help you?" "Yes, we're here to make a rather sizable donation to the children" "Well, any contribution large or small is always appreciated" "Well, I think you're going to appreciate the crap out of this one" "Well, this is very generous" "And we don't want any recognition" "This is completely anonymous" "Completely anonymous." "From two kind strangers" "Mr. X and Phoebe Buffay" "Well, if you like, we can include your names on our newsletter" "Not necessary" "Buffay is spelled B-u-f-f-a-y" "And X is spelled Mike Hannigan" "Alright, well, on behalf of the children, thank you both very much" "Sure, I'm so glad we did this" "It feels so good" "It does feel really good" "Oh, look, we get this free T-shirt." "Uh, actually that's the shirt I wore to the gym" "Um, it's moist" "Hi Hey" "Emma will be up in a minute" "Oh, good" "Oh, hey , Ross." "Listen." "I heard about you and Charlie" "I'm really sorry" "Oh, that's okay." "Actually there are tons of other beautiful paleontologists out there" "Absolutely" "There was one!" "She's it!" "All the rest look like they should live under a bridge!" "So, uh, what are you going to do today?" "Oh, I was thinking of taking Emma to the playground" "Oh my God." "What?" "Like I said, I was thinking of taking Emma to the museum of knives and fire." "Okay, look, Ross." "I do not want Emma going to the playground" "Because?" "Alright, well, if you must know, I had a traumatic swing incident when I was little" "Seriously?" "Yes, I was 4 years old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain and to get me out, my mom had to, had to cut a big chunk of my hair" "And it was uneven for weeks" "And you made it 'through' that?" "I wonder who's going to play you in the movie." "Okay, fine." "You can make fun of me." "I do not want Emma going there." "And I was thinking Claire Danes" "Look, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy, okay?" "But the swings are perfectly safe, and besides Emma loves them" "You know what?" "You should come with us." "And you'll see" "Ross, those things go like 40 miles an hour, okay?" "and there's this moment when you're at the top, you just don't know if you're going to return back to earth!" "Space 'is' filled with orbiting children" "Look, please." "Just, just come on, you know?" "When you see the look on Emma's face," "I swear you won't regret it" "Alright Good" "You know, you don't want to be one of those mothers who pass on their irrational fears to their children, do you?" "Irrational, huh?" "Alright, I'll remember that the next time you freak out about a spider in your apartment." "Oh, yeah." "That's the same, I'm sure there are 30 different species of poisonous swings" "Oh my God." "The adoption lady's early." "Okay, okay." "Here we go." "Stand up straight" "Big smile" "Hello, is this the creepy residence?" "We're waiting for the adoption lady but , hey, I'm glad you're here" "I was cleaning this morning and I found this" "I don't know if you want to use it but..." "Oh, this is so sweet of you." "Oh but you know what?" "I won't be needing a veil" "I actually won't be wearing a dress at all" "I told you I am not coming to a naked wedding!" "No, no, no." "We're just, we're not having a big reception." "We took the money we're going to spend on the wedding and we donated it to a children's charity" "That's crazy!" "I'm sorry." "I just, I can't imagine giving up my one wedding day like that" "Yeah, well, we're different, you know?" "I don't care about having a huge party" "This is really nice for you but..." "Oh, please, I'll put this on and ,ugh, I just look like well, radiant!" "Alright, but who cares?" "You know?" "I don't need a pretty veil and a fancy dress" "That's right." "You're making a commitment and ..." "You know, that's the same whether you do it at the plaza or... where were you going to do it?" "City hall." "Oh~" "Oh, that sounds nice" "You know, I was just there for jury duty." "They've really spruced that place up" "Okay, no, it's okay." "It's okay, it's okay" "I've made my decision." "What I really want is a... great big wedding!" "Huh!" "Yay!" "But you already gave all the money to charity." "Well, I'll just ask for it back" "I don't think you can do that" "Why not?" "This is her wedding day" "That's way more important than some stupid kids" "That's sweet, honey but save something for the adoption lady" "Okay" "Alright, okay, be careful" "Okay Careful" "Watch her hair." "Watch her hair!" "Rach, she's got like three hairs" "I know, I know but they're just so beautiful" "Oh my God, I just pulled one out" "I promise you she's safe, okay?" "Now watch!" "Watch how much she loves this." "Okay, okay" "Are you ready, sweetie?" "Here we go" "Okay, careful" "She's smiling" "Oh, look at that!" "She does like it" "See?" "I told you." "Oh my God!" "Look at her." "She's a little daredevil" "Oh, God!" "Oh, let me push." "Can I push?" "Oh, absolutely Okay" "Okay, get, get the camera." "It's, it's in the diaper bag." "Okay" "See?" "Scared of the swings" "I bet you feel pretty silly" "We're seriously asking for the money back?" "It's for our wedding day" "Alright, now." "Is this guy gay or straight?" "Cause one of us's going to have to start flirting" "Wow!" "You're here to make another donation the same day?" "I don't think that's ever happened before" "Gay, go!" "Oh my God!" "I love your shirt" "The donation we made earlier, um... well, we want, we want it back" "Excuse me?" "Yeah, see, okay." "That money was for a big wedding that we thought we didn't want but it turns out we do" "So you're asking us to refund your donation to the children?" "Yeah" "This feels really good" "Yeah, I'm so, I'm sorry." "I am." "But you know this wedding's just really important to me" "Hey, it's none of my business" "Besides, this is probably a good thing" "We've really been spoiling the children with all the food and warm clothing" "That's not fair!" "A person's wedding is important and it's especially to me!" "Okay?" "I, I didn't have a graduation party and I didn't go to prom." "And I, and I spent my sweet 16 being chased around a tire yard by an ...escaped mental patient, who, in his own words, "wanted to kill me" or whatever." "So I deserve a real celebration." "And, and I'm, I'm not going to let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it." "She could've been talking about either one of us" "Hi, I'm Laura." "I'm here for your adoption interview." "Hi, I'm Monica and this is Chandler Hi" "Please come in Thank you" "Would you like something to drink?" "Oh, water would be fine." "Okay, great." "I'm so glad that you are here" "We're really excited about getting this process started" "Because we love kids Love 'em to death" "Well, not actually to death." "That's just a figure of speech" "We love kids the appropriate amount" "As allowed by law" "Your place is just lovely" "Ah, thank you" "Yes, this building does have a wholesome family feel to it" "You know, I, I feel like I've been here before" "Are any other couples in the building adopting?" "Is that that couple on the first floor?" "Because we should get a baby before them!" "That guy tried to sell me drugs!" "But other than that, wholesome, wholesome building" "Oh" "What?" "I just realized why I remember this place" "Really?" "What is it?" "Oh, it's nothing." "I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building and it didn't end very well" "Ugh, that wouldn't by any chance be Joey Tribbiani." "Oh, yes!" "Of course it was." "Yeah, we had a really great night and in the morning he promised he would call me and he didn't" "Rat Bastard!" "So you're not friends with him?" "Oh, God, no!" "No, no, no, no." "No!" "Nope......" "No, no, no,no...." "Well, I'm sorry I brought it up" "So, are either one of you planning on staying at home with the child?" "Hello" "Anybody in there ordered a celebrity?" "Ow!" "What was that?" "Oh, that's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here" "He's great with kids though" "Oh, God, Ross." "Oh my God!" "Are you okay?" "Son of a bitch!" "Oh, relax !" "I didn't say the F word." "Ross, see, I told you the swings are evil!" "Alright." "That is it!" "That is the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life" "No, no, no, no, no." "Okay." "It wasn't the swing's fault." "It was my fault." "And kind of that kid's fault who is still laughing." "Nice" "Ross, come on, please." "Can we just get out of here before somebody else gets hurt?" "No, wait, okay, okay." "I have an idea." "I want you to get on the swing, okay?" "And, and you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of." "I know what this is all about." "You've always been jealous of my hair" "Loook, I just think you're an adult, okay?" "And you, you should get over your silly fears" "Alright, fine!" "I'll do it!" "Good" "If you hold the spider." "What?" "Where?" "Where?" ""IF" you hold a spider." "I know" "Guys, is everything okay?" "It's me, Joey!" "Ah ah~" "A.....doption!" "What's going on?" "Oh, just like I said, that crazy...." "Bert roaming the halls" "Guys Keep on roaming, Bert!" "We don't want any crazy today!" "What's going on?" "We'll talk to you later, Bert." "Everything's fine!" "Everything doesn't sound fine." "Is he alright out there by himself?" "Oh, yeah." "He has a caretaker, his older brother." "Ernie" "Bert and Ernie?" "You can't make this stuff up!" "You never told me about that guy" "On your sweet sixteen?" "Oh, I'm sorry about that." "Oh, it ended okay." "One of my friends shot him" "Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding." "I mean you deserve that." "Yeah, I really do, you know?" "I had nothing growing up." "Just like the kids I took the money from." "No, no, no." "I see where this is going." "Don't make me go back there." "Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now." "It's tainted" "Alright, fine." "We'll give the money back." "And if that guy at the charity gives us a hard time, my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really~ long time." "Well, I must say this seems like a lovely environment to raise a child in" "Oh, by the way, you're more than welcome to look under any of the furniture because, believe me, you won't find any porn or cigarettes under there." "Oh, actually, before we look around, let me make sure I have everything I need up to here." "Why don't I show you the baby's room?" "What the hell are you doing?" "Well, you wouldn't let me in so I thought you were in trouble!" "Well, we're not!" "But you called me Bert!" "That's our code word for danger!" "We don't have a code word!" "We don't?" "We really should" "From now on, Bert will be our code word for danger." "So that was the baby's room" "Ah, what room should we see next?" "Any room that isn't behind this couch." "Some people don't get him but I think he's really funny." "I did not care for that" "You have to get out of here!" "You slept with our social worker and you never called her back!" "And she is still pissed so she can't see you!" "Oh, well, okay, okay" "What?" "I forgot my bat." "Oh my God!" "And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you!" "And we don't want to buy your bat!" "What are you doing here?" "Bert, Bert, Bert." "Are you friends with him?" "I can explain" "Joey." "Ah, okay, uh,..." "Oh, yeah." "You have got some nerve coming back here" "I can't believe you never called me!" "Excuse me?" "Oh, yeah." "Probably you don't even remember my name!" "It's Joey, by the way." "And don't bother telling me yours because I totally remember it" "Lady" "Yeah." "I waited weeks for you to call me" "I gave you my number." "You never called me." "No, don't try to turn this around on me, okay?" "I am not some kind of.... social work, okay?" "that you can just ....do" "Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number Really?" "Thank about it." "Come on." "You're a beautiful woman, smart, funny." "We had a really good time, huh?" "If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you?" "I don't know" "Oh, maybe I'm wrong." "I'm sorry" "No, no, you know, too late for apologies, okay?" "You broke my heart" "You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you?" "Joey, wait!" "No!" "I waited a long time." "I can't wait any more" "I'm sorry that you had to see this I'm so embarrassed" "Oh, that's really okay" "Yeah, I mean we totally understand." "Dating is hard" "Boy, you people are nice and I've got to say" "I think you're going to make excellent parents" "Laura!" "We're back" "Are you here to take more money?" "Because I think what you're looking for is an ATM" "No, no, we're here to give the money back" "Yeah, because you know what?" "It's ... it's all about the children" "Although... it's also about the wedding" "Ugh, here, no." "Oh, God!" "If I haven't said so already, sir, congratulations" "Okay, look, enough!" "Alright?" "I'm stepping in and I put my foot down" "As your future husband, I'm going to make this decision for us" "No, what do you think we should do?" "You know what?" "It's not your decision any more." "What?" "On behalf of the children of New York, I reject your money" "But we're, we're giving you this." "And I'm giving it back to you" "Come on." "Consider it a contribution." "Oh, this is very generous" "Please take the check." "Go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together." "Well, I mean, it sounds good to me." "That way we can save up, come back in a few years, and make an even bigger donation Absolutely" "And when you do, make sure you ask for Brian." "Oh, is that you?" "No" "Hello." "Oh, hi." "Oh my God!" "Really?" "I can't wait to tell Chandler" "Okay, good bye." "Wrong number?" "It was Laura" "She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list" "That's great!" "Yeah, we just have to wait for a call and, and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us" "Oh" "Hello" "Have you seen Joey's bat?" "Okay." "I got a spider" "There were two." "I picked the bigger one" "Okay Okay" "This feels perfectly normal" "Okay, get on the swing" "Okay" "O-kay" "Okay" "See?" "Ah, alright." "I can do this" "There you go." "Good for you!" "You know what?" "I'm actually getting used to this little guy" "I don't really even feel him in here any more" "That's because it's on your neck" "What?" "!" "Ross!"