"My name's CIive Donner and I directed the film of The Caretaker for no money and a Iot of love." "Under the same terms," "I am michael Birkett, who produced the film." "I'm alan Bates and I was, I play Mick." "I'm one of the three actors and, unfortunately, I'm the only one still around." "I played it in the theatre and I played in this remarkable film." "It..." "It was a completely new form, a new use of language and new structure to things that I'd been... used to." "It was quite... really quite early on, really, in my career, but..." "I was offered at the same time something on television, a Shakespearean series on television... to play Hotspur." "And I went into my agent and... he said "Oh, there's no choice, is there?" "You're playing Hotspur."" ""You can't go for six pounds a week in an unknown play."" ""What's it about, anyway?"" "And I said "well, actually, to tell you the truth," "I don't know what it's about."" ""But I just know that it's wonderful."" "And I just sat there until he'd... come to terms with what I was saying." "And, to his great credit, on the first night, he was the first person at my dressing room door." "He just said "Never listen to me again."" "(michael Birkett) That's a lovely story!" "It's almost unique." "I know!" "Yeah." "(Birkett) It's a very effective shot." "They shot it from a cherry picker, right in the middle of this..." " Hackney High Street, wasn't it?" " Yup." "And it was miles up in the sky." "But I always remember that the camera operator, alex Thompson, and clive, went up in this awful thing." "And when they got to the full height," "clive said to the camera operator "How does it look to you, alex?"" "And alex said "I can't tell, either." "I've got my eyes shut, too."" "(CIive Donner) It was a bitterly cold night." "It was shot in the winter of..." " (Birkett) '62?" " '62." "And that was a very bad winter." "And in January." "And the weather was absolutely foul." "And to be stuck up there..." "Cos it was a Iong way up, it was a very..." "I said "Let's get a really long, long, high-angIe shot,"" "you know, no pussyfooting around." "And we were stuck up there for quite a Iong time while donald and Robert, who'd got actually slightly pissed, as they were walking up and down while we were doing all the fiddling." "They did it many times, too." "But that was how we got that, just up on a crane cherry picker." "..engaged to take out buckets!" "My job's cleaning the floors, clearing up the tables, doing a bit of washing-up." "Nothing to do with taking out buckets." "(Donner) DonaId PIeasence and I had worked together and we were friends." "And I actually went to visit him on Broadway, when he was playing in The Caretaker." "And when I was there, donald said to me" ""Do you think it wouId make a film?"" "I said "As a matter of fact, I've been giving that some thought and yes, I do think it will make a film."" "And he said "well, what shall we do?"" "I said "I think the first thing to do is that we must meet HaroId, talk to harold Pinter and get... his agreement to it, cos without that we can't move."" ""And if that works out, then I think we'II need a producer and I'd Iike to suggest my friend and colleague, michael Birkett."" "(Birkett) Which he duly did." "I thought it was a marvellous idea." "It was pretty clear that we would never raise sort of hollywood sums of money to make a film of this sort." "But equally, it was clear that we didn't really need those, especially if we shot the whole thing on location." "clive and I, who'd worked together before, never went into a studio, we always went on location." "It nearly always came out a Iot cheaper, obviously, but also a Iot more real." "Just as simple as that, I think." "So I was thrilled with the idea of doing it, yeah." "I knew the play." "Not very well, not as well, of course, as the others did." "There's alan, who's played it several times and donald himself, as well." "Robert had only played it once, hadn't he?" "Bob?" "(Donner) Robert, yes." "Robert first played it... in the Broadway production." "That's right." "So, eventually, we met with harold," "michael, harold and I, and had lunch." "We talked about practically everything except The Caretaker." "It was HaroId's first experience with being a film producer." "Because he wrote the play, he was going to write the screenplay and he was also, Iike us, one of the producers of the film." "And it was his first experience." "He'd made some television films:" "A Night Out, famous one." "And he was knowledgeable about that, to some extent, but he was pretty... innocent about the way that films worked, so that it was very much a learning experience for him." "As I remember, we talked quite a Iot about that." "His first surprise was, that when we started actually shooting on the very first day, and it was the scene of, just the scene of Mick going into the house, into this tiny, cramped space." "There we all were, the cameraman, Nic Roeg and the various other people who had to be there." "And HaroId said "I don't understand." "There's only one camera."" "And I said "well, that's all you get in movies!"" "(Birkett) He thought if you had a dialogue scene with two people, you had two cameras shooting simultaneously." "(Donner) He didn't have a Iot of experience about film so, for obvious reasons he wanted to be there, but he also, I think, was learning." "He was actually..." "At the same time, he had written the script for Joe Losey of The Servant." "(Birkett) He wrote an extra bit, too, which I've lost now, tragically." "But when we started filming, I was saying..." "well, clive and I had talked about it, and said to harold," ""I wonder if you can start the play bang off, the way the play starts."" ""Can we start a film like that?" "Y'know..."" ""Oughtn't we to have a little scene which explains why Davies gets thrown out of this café and all that?"" "So he wrote this terrific scene in the café," "lots of wonderful HaroId dialogue." "It went on about 1 2 pages, with a Iot of other characters, bus drivers and I don't know what else." "Bit like those café scenes he used to write in the sketches, you know." "When he'd written it, we all read it, and I said "harold, this is a dreadful thing to say but I don't think we should use this scene after all," "I think we should start where the play starts."" "I was not entirely looking forward to this conversation, but HaroId, to his eternal credit, said "You know, I think you're right."" "And just sort of threw it in the bin." "And that was that." "But I've lost my copy of it." "But somewhere one should have it." "well, harold will have it." " (Donner) I have a copy." " (Birkett) You must have a copy." "I've got one somewhere but it's in a packing case." "(Donner) Mine's with the BFI." "wonderful." "Great script." "(Birkett) usually in movies, you first of all have to have a script but we almost didn't have to have a script because there was the masterpiece of a play which seemed to run perfectly well as it was." "There were certain little adjustments that harold made but by and large we didn't have to wait for a script." "You just had to find the money." "But first you have to know how much." "So you put together a budget." "And knowing that we were going to shoot all on location," "I'd put together a budget which was £40,000." "Nowadays, what would it be?" "couple of million, something?" "Anyway, it was a ridiculously small sum even in those days." "And went off to see if I couId find some money." "I'd been in touch with one or two American movie companies before, for one reason or another, and tried it out on them." "They were so impressed with the small sum of money that they agreed." "I think it was Warner-Seven Arts but I'm absolutely not sure about that." "But I'd better be careful about that because they pulled out on us and made me very cross." "And I might be slandering an entirely innocent company but that's as far as I remember it." "But anyway, £40,000 it was." "And so we set it up and got ready to shoot and made a shooting date and... we knew the cast was going to be well enough." "And we got Nic Roeg, who was the cameraman of the day, brilliant creature." "And our favourite sound crew, favourite art directors and all that." "These are mostly people who'd worked with clive before." "And then, about ten days before we started shooting, maybe two weeks but not more, our backers gave us three..." "kind of essentials for the final signing of the contract before we shot." "And they were three things that they knew we couldn't meet." "One of them was to have the title of The Caretaker free in America." "They knew we couldn't have that because the MPAA, the people who legislate over the titles of movies, said "There's a film going round at the moment called The Caretakers. "" ""There'II be such confusion if you have The Caretaker. "" ""No, we won't let you register the title."" "So these people knew that." "Then they said "We need script approval from Micky Carreras,"" "the head of Hammer films." "Which was a laughable proposition." "The thought of harold Pinter saying "Yes, Mr Carreras, no, Mr Carreras," is, unthinkable." "I mean, it's..." "I say it's unthinkable, it's quite nice to think about, actually!" "But they knew we couldn't." "So the money had gone." "That's when we decided that we would have to do it rather like a theatrical production, find angels." "And the six of us: the three actors, clive and harold and I, all decided..." "that we would only go to people who really loved the play and wanted to make the film as much as we did: one." "Two, that they had to be rich enough not to be beggared if the film didn't get its money back." "By this time, we'd reduced the budget to £30,000 by the simple business of saying the six of us would take no salary for the film." "We would have 50% of it." "When the backers had got their money back, then we would share 50-50, the backers and ourselves, which they did, eventually." "And so off I went to find backers, with those rules in mind." "How many more blacks have you got round here, then?" "What?" "Have you got any more blacks around here?" "(Donner) HaroId and I sat down to examine the script and what needed to be done to it." "clearly, the main body of the play was already there so one didn't have to deal with that." "We weren't going to change it." "What we examined was the possibility of..." "Because the play all takes place in one room, we examined the possibilities that... what we could do by going out of the room." "which was a pretty radical thing to do as it had worked so well in this very tight, claustrophobic situation." "And what we decided and what we agreed was that there were places where HaroId had felt, while he was writing the play, that it wouId have been great if he could have broken the barrier of the proscenium arch in the theatre and gone outside." "And those places that he felt that were the ones that we examined, to see whether we could make use of them." "There were several very good places as the obvious introduction to the film, outside the house," "donald and Robert's coming towards the house..." "also a scene where donald..." "He's just been slung out and he is sitting in a cold doorway of a..." "of a greasy spoon restaurant, where he is to meet alan, to meet Mick." "And that was outside." "There's also a scene where donald is out in the snow, miserable and muttering in a manic way, coming towards the camera." "And he tries to cadge a bob or two off a man with a hunched..." "Not a hunched back, a man hunched against the weather." "And the man just totally ignores donald, but with a very characteristic shrug." "That was HaroId, back to camera." "We found one or two other places that we could go outside but in principle, we worked on the script as it wouId work out within the house, in the different rooms of the house that we used." "harold and I got together first of all to decide on what we were going to do, our method of working." "And then off he went and made that." "And also made some quite important cuts, because we thought that was probably right." "while HaroId was writing the script or making adjustments to the script," "Reece Pemberton, the production designer, and I, started looking for the house." "Reece did all of the legwork." "We started first in west London, where HaroId had been living when he wrote the play." "And HaroId took me to the house in west London and into the room where, indeed, the famous bucket was hanging... which dripped water, was hanging." "It was another plus." "It was another thing to add to my own understanding and feeling about the play, to actually have got some sense of where he had sat and written this and conceived it." "Because he was broke at the time or very hard up and trying to make ends meet." "That time working on the script was a very... a very important one." "There was absolutely no..." "There was no doubt that we were in agreement about it." "(Birkett) After they'd found the house, I did the deal on the house." "£35 a week for five weeks from the local authority, who owned this dreadful house with water streaming down the walls and the wires sticking out of it and the plaster falling off was just what was needed." "And I remember, just before I went off to find the serious money, saying to the local authority" ""£35 a week's a bit steep for this broken-down house," I said, thinking "AII the same, my studio costs five times 35, not bad."" "And the local authority, to their eternal credit, said "well, Lord Birkett, it may be a bit steep for the house but it's a Iot better than the rent at Pinewood."" "So I thought "OK, you win!"" "(Donner) IncidentaIIy, the house in west London was not suitable." "We obviously couldn't shoot it there, in that area, anyway, and the noise from planes going over would have been a great nuisance." "Reece went around looking for houses and getting nowhere." "He said "I've only got two to show you"" "and he showed me one and it wasn't any good." "We drove up to Hackney and there was this marvellous house, which had the look, the feel..." "The atmosphere was already..." "spilling out from it." "And it was empty." "Some of the boards in the rooms were up, so that we were able to make use of it as it stood, from the tiny little attic room at the top right the way down through the various other different rooms." "(Birkett) Anyway, £35 a week wasn't bad, I have to say." "But, of course, I still had to find the £30,000." "We had quite a Iot of theatrical friends and quite famous friends." "So I started approaching them." "really, almost everybody I approached said "AII right."" "We were talking about sums of £3,000 or £5,000 or £2,000 or whatever." "I can't remember in which order I did this, but I talked to Harry SaItzman, who was by way of being a friend of mine." "And for him, a contribution of £3,000 or something or other was chicken feed, nothing at all." "So he said yes, he would, and his partner, charlie Kasher, who was an American financier, said he'd come in with a bit, too." "Peter Bridge, a theatrical impresario, who'd been concerned with theatrical productions for a Iong time and admired The Caretaker, he came in with a bit." "I talked to my friend Peter hall, who was then married to leslie Caron." "They came in with £5,000 between them." "I talked to Peter Cadbury, who..." "I can't remember if he still owned Keith Prowse in those days, but he was a considerable gun in the theatrical world." "I said "This is a masterpiece." "will you come in with some money?"" "And he did." "And NoëI Coward, who was..." "I think it was HaroId's friend..." " Robert's." " Robert's friend." "NoëI Coward said he'd come in, he admired the play very much." "We got up to £20,000 with all these famous..." "Peter sellers, whom I also knew, he came in with a bit." "And we got to 20,000 out of the 30." "Then I went off to see Richard Burton and elizabeth taylor." "I think they were friends of Bob's." "Were they?" " Mm..." " Yes, I think they were, yes." "And I'd known them a bit because of a not-very-successfuI movie of Dr Faustus at Oxford, where they did an Oxford University production in which Richard played Faustus." "elizabeth played helen of Troy and walked once across the stage to general admiration!" "So, anyway, I went off to see them at the Connaught hotel." "After quite a Iot of Dom Pérignon, which I thought would exhaust the budget before we'd raised the money, they said "well, what do you want?"" "I told them all about the project and said "It's only a £30,000 budget."" "They said "That doesn't sound too bad."" "I said "I only need ten, I've got the other 20."" "And then elizabeth said "Oh, that's all right."" ""10,000, yes, I'II manage that."" ""It's going to be a huge help to me."" "I said "How's it going to be a help?"" "She said "well, I've got this production company in Rome called elizabeth taylor Productions."" "I said "What's it for?"" "She said "For smaII-scaIe films like this, adventurous new films, backing new talent, all that sort of thing."" "I said "Good." "well, that's us."" "She said "The trouble is, there are only two items on the books so far."" "I said "What two films were those?"" "She said "well, that's the problem, really, they're not exactly films, these items."" "So I said "What are they, then?"" "She said "well, fur coats."" "So she was extremely relieved to put ten grand into the thing." "And that was it." "And when I came back from having raised the money, they'd been rehearsing in this dreadful house for a week, which I'd never seen, cos I was marching around London finding the money." "And after that, we shot." "It was a huge relief to everybody." "And..." "I mean, marvellously generous of these people because although it wasn't big sums of money, it was, nevertheless, a risk." "It wasn't a real sort of movie opportunity in the way that, you know, comedies are and... action pictures are." "I'm lost without 'em." "Why is that, then?" "well, you see, what... what it is, you see," "I changed me name, years ago." "I've been going around under..." "an assumed name." "(Birkett) It seems to me that the reason the theatre was so hot in those days," "I mean the Arts and the royal Court and Stratford East, was simply because of the quality of the authors that were... (Bates) well, it was a wave of new writers and they were just pouring in, with Osborne and Wesker and Pinter" "and the whole other wave later, you know..." "michael Frayn is much later, isn't he?" "SheIagh DeIaney." "David Storey, SheIagh DeIaney, yes," "Peter NichoIs and Simon Gray shortly afterwards, I think." "The Arts Theatre club had been going for ages, going through various phases, I think, of success, and just plodding along." "I don't quite know where we fitted into that when it was first done at the Arts Theatre." "But I do remember the extraordinary first night, where..." "The whole week, in fact, was geared to Laurence olivier opening in Ionesco, Rhinoceros." "We were sort of an unknown quantity coming in at the Arts Theatre club." "And, we took over the whole week." "The notices and the excitement and the whole..." "of the whole week and the first night was quite phenomenal." "I was told, cos I didn't come on till Act Two, so I heard this wave of appreciation for Act One and I thought "My God, I'm gonna go on and kill it."" "But that was just a personal reaction." "And the, the acclaim at the end, it was..." "We just knew that we'd hit gold." "But it was a scene of real..." "I don't know why..." "I never know quite why there are these bursts of energy and bursts of talent, but that's what it was part of, The Caretaker, of a whole scene of excitement and originality." "And that's what's so great about our backers, you know." "Because a Iot of them represented, particularly NoëI Coward, the sort of... the world of theatre that was being not so gently shoved aside." "And he had this terrifically open, view." "He loved, loved this play." "He was the one who came to visit us." "probably some of the others came, but not the famous ones." "And he came and spent a whole day with us and really relished the whole location, what it was, what he'd put his money into." "I thought it was remarkable for this man to so champion a writer who was virtually... one of the writers who was pushing him aside, really." "(Birkett) He was absolutely lovely about it." "He was, I think, our only real visitor." "He came with Peter Cadbury, another backer." "They were friends." "And I remember them coming to visit, cos in this dreadful little old house" "I had a production office that was the basement." "It had a sort of chest of drawers and a chair in it and a telephone, that was about it." "And an awful piece of linoleum that had got smaller over the years and was now only covering the middle of the floor, didn't reach to the walls in this ghastly room." "And outside the window, I saw this huge maroon bentley draw up and out got Peter Cadbury and out got NoëI Coward," "NoëI wearing his overcoat over his shoulders, without the arms through it, in that way he had." "And down the stairs to the basement they came," "looked around this dreadful little room and NoëI said "My word, how sIap-up!"" "(Donner) Then michael brought him upstairs to meet us all, and we were all stood there," "literally shouIder-to-shouIder, hugger-mugger, and NoëI looked round and said "Yes, very good for groping in here."" "(Birkett) We just about managed to find him a seat." "It was interesting that the room was so small and so full of junk which had to be moved...." "We had two rooms and we did it sort of end-to-end, the clever way of shooting, reverses one way and forward shots t'other." "But there was just enough room for the camera and its crew and the director and the boom-swinger." "The sound recordist had to live outside in a cupboard and there was one hole in the corner, which was usually occupied by harold." "But we turfed him out of it and put NoëI in it instead for the days he visited." "And then he came to rushes and loved it." "And then he had to go back to switzerland." "He was bitterly sorry to miss it cos he was really enjoying it." "I remember him saying "You're not to forget me."" ""Send me postcards about how it's going."" "So I said "well, absolutely, NoëI, I'II send you a postcard."" "He said "Yes, well, I'II be in switzerland."" "So I said "What's the address?"" "He just said "Oh, just send it to NoëI Coward, switzerland."" "And I did." "And he got it." "This door, front door." "Thanks very much, the best of luck." "I think I'll take a stroll down the road." "A little... kind of a shop." "(Donner) I made a film with donald which I didn't want to make, but I was under contract and therefore I had to, when I was in bondage to the Rank Organisation." "...and we had, actually a..." "We became very good friends." "And when it was over, our friendship continued and we spent quite a Iot of time together." "He..." "When we..." "He was obviously delighted after our conversation in New York about could the play be done as a film that we had got to the stage where it clearly could be done." "donald was rather apprehensive about about it for one reason." "In the play, his behaviour is..." "in the theatre, totally unpredictable." "I'm sure alan's got many stories about donald... suddenly doing something totally unexpected, ...still within character, still within the nature of the scene." "And donald actually was able to release, from within himself, some of the wild madness that's in Davies, some of the paranoia that's in Davies and sometimes one never quite knew where it was coming from" "and how far it wouId go." "Now, that didn't matter in the theatre, but we needed, or donald felt that we needed, to have a little bit more control of it in the..." "When we were shooting." "And he asked if he could..." "if he could do some tests." "And I said "Sure, we can do some tests, by all means, but I don't think it's necessary because you're an extremely experienced film actor."" "And at that time he was really quite a hot number at Pinewood and appearing in film after film." "And I said "I think just your instinct when you're in the room there, your instincts will..." "There'II be something that says don't go too big, don't go too wide here, without your having to consider it beforehand."" "And that's the way it worked." "There was one occasion where he did go, he did go over the top, well over the top." "And when we saw the rushes, harold said to me," ""It's a bit like the Moscow Arts Theatre, isn't it?"" "So I said "Yes, I think it is" and we did it again." "(Bates) DonaId's performance in this, I think, is one of the great performances of recent times." "Sometimes I Iook back and I think there are about six performances" "I've been in the presence of or worked with where it just takes off into another area altogether, it's inspired." "It's the actor totally meeting the part, isn't it?" "That's why you, probably, clive, weren't worried when he said "How different should I make this?"" "because it was so under his skin that it's a magical performance of inventiveness and understanding and..." "You don't know where performances like that come from, except they come from within this particular performer, they come from within it, within them." "And it was just great to be part of it, to be next to him doing that." "And you can't be too big in a part like that." "occasionally, of course, the screen won't quite take it, but, you know, there are certain parts that... you can do what you Iike." "And if you've got hold of them like he had, then you can do what you Iike." "I've been through the whole gamut as a film actor." "I've been told I'm so still and subtle I'm hardly there, or I'm wildly over the top, you know." "It's a consta..." "That's why we do need you, clive." "We need directors, you see!" "We have to be sort of balanced and told where it's all going right or going wrong." "(Donner) I think that's true, I think that's quite true." "I think, when you're doing it in the theatre, you are the master, the actor is the master." "And what you do out there is the magic of it, it is the creativity of acting." "And when real acting gets going, when real passion or power or comedy, whatever it is, gets going, it's rather mysterious." "Because it's something that comes up within the actor, they've done all of their rehearsing and thinking about it and making decisions about how they'II play things, whatever their process of preparing to play a role is." "But I think when actors are out there and the scene is going and the blood is flowing and it's hot, it takes over, whatever it is." "(Bates) It does." "The great moments on stage are when you come off and you don't quite know where you've been." "They're quite rare, those moments." "You can execute a part on stage absolutely to the audience's satisfaction without that kind of losing." "But when you do lose yourself, and this is what donald did, he became that man, he just became that person." "(Birkett) I think you all did, because I used to watch the rushes at night, often doing other things in the day, worrying and administering, doing things that producers do." "And I used to watch the rushes." "And... it never occurred to me to wonder about the performances that CIive was getting." "These three guys, alan and Bob and donald, seemed to me just to be these three people and I never expected anything ever to go wrong with a scene." "Cos I thought "well, they're there." "They are those characters."" "And that's exactly the way it still seems to me now," "looking at the movie 30, 40 years on." "They just are those people." "Whatever CIive did worked extraordinarily well!" "Because I never had the smallest worry about the movie that was gonna come out at the end." "Producers traditionally worry if the structure's right, worry if it's funny enough, not funny enough, too long, over the top, too Iaid-back." "I never worried for one second throughout the entire five weeks of shooting!" "(Donner) The difference between the theatre and film is that the actors know they don't have that authority any more." "They have it to a certain extent in the fact that they're acting and playing their part." "But they..." "look to the director to... reassure them or to guide them, to teach them, to help them in many ways." "Even just literally, too, a good nod and "Thank you very much, that was smashing"" "is very important to the actor because the actor for... film, the director is his only audience, ever." "And he doesn't need it for ego's sake, necessarily, although sometimes that's important, but he just needs it, because for the time that he's been acting, he has been releasing this thing inside of himself" "to create it at its best." "And, when he comes off, he didn't... doesn't know quite what..." "what it was that happened." "Therefore he looks at the director to say "Was it OK?"" "And you say "Yes, it was," all being well." "And I think that the..." "I mean, there's a story about olivier playing OtheIIo and having performed it stunningly one night." "And at the curtain..." "The curtain came down and he shot off to his dressing room, furious." "Nobody knew what had gone wrong, so they said to Frank FinIay, who was playing Iago," ""He likes you." "Go and find out what's happened."" "So he knocked on the door and Larry said "Come in."" "There he was, sitting, not having taken his make-up off, and he said "What's the matter, Larry?"" "He said "Oh!" and he made terrible noises." "He said "But you were wonderful tonight."" ""And one could see that all the work that you'd been trying to do actually came together tonight." "What's the matter?"" "He said "Yes, it did come together and I don't know how I did it."" "(Bates) And that is the truth about actors." "They have to remain..." "well, they can't help but be that vulnerable, in a sense, to just the moment." "That's why they need a third eye to just guide..." "It's guidance, isn't it?" "It's guiding." "It's like a conductor in an orchestra." "It's an extraordinary thing." "You know..." "half of you knows you've done it the way it should be done, but the other half has to be reassured." "(Birkett) But it's interesting about being the people." "There's another very short, wonderful story." "John HeiIpern wanted to do an interview with GieIgud and Richardson when they were playing No Man's Land in the West End." "So they were playing it eight times a week, two matinées and six days." "And John took them out to a restaurant, the two of them." "GieIgud arrived first and when ralph came in, he looked at GieIgud and said "Ah, Johnny!"" ""Dear boy!" "wonderful to see you!" "How are you?" and went on like this." "John HeiIpern said "Hang on, you see each other eight times a week, ralph, what's all this about?"" "And ralph said "Ah, but we meet as different people."" "Which is beautiful, isn't it?" "(Donner) Robert, who..." "Robert Shaw, who was... alas, no Ionger with us, but who was an extraordinary character, he was the most competitive man" "I think any of us have ever met in our lives." "He was actually a rather dear man but he was enormously competitive, to the extent of insisting on beating his children at table tennis." "And there was a moment in a scene we were shooting," "I can't remember what it was, but the wind had got up..." "something had worried him." "And he'd got terribly nervous and was starting to shout, which he could do quite a Iot of, and it was getting rather embarrassing in this tiny, hot room." "I just put out my hand and I grasped him above the wrist and said "It's all right, Robert, it's all right."" "Hadn't the faintest idea what I was doing, I just had to do something." "And he immediately calmed down." "immediately got back to normal." "Didn't say anything." "He just went "Fsshh" and the scene went on straightaway." "So, you know, directing can be as mysterious, sometimes, as acting can be." "You'II be tarring over the cracks in the roof?" "Yes." "Do you think that'II do it?" "I think it'II do it for the time being." "What do you do... (Birkett) The feel of the film, which is so extraordinary, the kind of texture of it, was helped by the fact that we shot it all on Kodak 4X, which, in those days, was the fastest stock there was." "It was black and white, for a start, and it was fast, about 400 ASA." "Anyway, very fast and also very grainy." "You pay for the speed of the film and not having to have so much light by having very, very much tougher grain than you would..." "Which is what this film needed anyway, so we had it both ways." "And I think that has a Iot to do with the texture of the film." "(Donner) Nic and I had worked together before and he's such a..." "I mean, I found him such a terrific man." "I Ioved him very dearly, love him very dearly." "And he's an enormously unpredictable person in his thinking, in his ideas, which are innovative and sometimes revolutionary." "But he is also enormous fun." "I think I've had as much fun with anybody, making films with Nic." "He applied himself more to the nature of the lighting than to composition." "The composition was largely worked out by AIex Thompson, the operator, and myself." "I just have an instinct about..." "about composition." "There are certain things that one plans or one works out, but very often it's..." "you look through the viewfinder at what it is, you know, it's you two sitting together there and you're rather far apart." "And you think "That's it." It begi..." "The setup begins to..." "emerge from what is there." "Nic always used to say "Use what's there."" "And in using what's there, you very often find..." "Your taste comes into it, of course, but you very often find, the best shot that there may be at that particular moment." "Nic and I obviously talked beforehand." "We didn't... specify rules that we were going to stick to." "One of the things that we thought we would do..." "Because the film starts very much in the dark, essentially in the dark, with Mick sitting in his van and apparently nothing going on at all..." "It was all very dark and murky." "It proceeds and most of it is pretty dark, it gets a bit lighter later on." "In other words, the more that Davies gets in trouble, the less of a hole he's got to run to." "And therefore he needs a hole, he doesn't want space." "He's unhappy in space, particularly, as one saw, in the scene where he tried to cadge a bob or two off HaroId." "You know, he's in a terrible state." "We just allowed the film to... gradually lighten as... as it goes on." "So that by the very end, in the very last scene, when he's just begging to be allowed to stay in the attic and be the caretaker." "And all of the excuses that he makes, the scene is actually the brightest..." "It's the most brightly lit photography in the whole film." "So this was a very general, loose plan that we had agreed upon." "One of the things that I was very anxious about was to, obviously, within the claustrophobia of the room, was to emphasise that and we did..." "There again, the lighting of the room, quite apart from being... the key being low, dark, to start with and increasing, quite apart from that, Nic lit it with pools of light, which, in themselves, meant nothing." "But when you look at the scene as a whole, if you analyse it, you see that they are, in fact, doing with the lighting, in a funny kind of way, what the actor does when he is directing." "It's another form of directing." "Bit of a junk heap, this garden, eh?" "Got to be cleared." "Got all this, you see." "What's this, a pond?" " Yes." " What you got?" "Fish?" "No, there isn't anything in there." "(Birkett) It seemed to me very strongly that this was not a film where music as it's ordinarily known should be used." "It would have been alien to harold's work." "And alien to the performances of the three actors, which are absolutely seIf-sufficient." "They needed none of the cushioning that some films require from the music track." "But all the same, there were little periods where we thought that some kind of echoes and some kind of comment was necessary." "We had a great friend called Ronnie Grainer, who used to write title music for television shows and all that, and we persuaded him that what we wanted to do was not to have him write music but to score the effects we had in the film," "which is to say the door handles turning, the sound of footsteps, the windows shutting, traffic outside, all of those things..." " (Donner) The drip of the..." " The drip of a bucket." "And we wanted to have them somehow treated." "And Ronnie said "well, we'II do it electronically."" "We had a friend at the BBC who worked in the radiophonic workshops." "unfortunately, the BBC weren't allowed to hire the electronic workshops out." "And that was where all the good equipment was, all the good technical devices were, all those extraordinary cross-faders and amplifiers that break sound up into their component..." "But our friend at the BBC thought it was dead silly that we shouldn't be allowed to use it, so he left a window open for us at night." "And at the end of the day, Ronnie Grainer and I would go and get through the window of the BBC radiophonic workshop and, with this friend, we would do the score." "And we'd got all the effects tracks out and Ronnie did them very sensitively with all this..." "And you hear that there are just sounds which are slightly stranger than the real sound." "They have a sort of echo." "And it helps to bridge the things..." "A fairly far-out idea, and I have to say I was extremely..." "Cos it was a good deal my fault, all that." "I was terribly relieved when everybody liked it and thought it worked, including HaroId, who thought it was wonderfully effective and exactly what he would have done." "Big relief." "(Donner) AII the effects noises all derived from noises that happened naturally in the telling of the story." "But they were pushed further, they were pushed into another place so that they..." "There was a memory that you might hear of the dripping of water but it wouldn't actually be the dripping..." "It wouldn't just be it, obviously." "It would have been treated in such a way that it had other elements in it which gave it a mysteriousness, which added to the mysteriousness of everything else that's going on in the struggle by the three men," "between Aston and Mick and by Davies for everything that he's hoping for." "...postproduction was straightforward." "The editor was a man called Fergus McDoneII, a great editor." "And I had known him when I was a boy and started at Denham." "I was 16 and Fergus was a bright young documentary editor and I worked with him." "And he never spoke." "He was silent." "He did two films with carol Reed." "I think he did The Way Ahead and he certainly did Odd Man Out." "He was a very instinctive man and a very shy man." "He wasn't happy in england, he went to Canada for several years." "Took his children and worked for the national film Board of Canada." "He came back to england and I bumped into him in Wardour Street and said "hello, Fergus, what are you doing?"" "He said "I'm back in england and I need a job."" "And I said "well, I'm just going to do a picture, would you Iike to do it?"" "He said "Yes, of course,"" "which was wonderful, because he'd been my teacher and now there he was editing for me." "The way that I shot the picture, it kind of went together pretty obviously." "It was quite, quite natural." "We didn't have any horrendous sort of problems about "Is there something missing?"" ""Is there something we've lost that was in our minds originally or in the play originally, that we ought to get back at all?"" "It was very straightforward." "well, I won't say no to this, then." "Eexcuse me, guv'nor, have you any...?" "Cup of tea." "Bastard." "Cup of tea yourself." "What about this bloody snow, then?" "hello, what's this?" "What's the matter with this damn light?" "Oh, don't tell me the damn light's gone now." "What'II I do now?" "The damn light's gone now." "Give me a light." "Wait a minute." "Oh, damn, where is it?" "Now where's the box?" "Where's the bloody box?" "Why, what's this?" "Who's this?" "Who's this?" "Who's this moving it?" "Who's this got me box?" "Who's in here?" "I've got a knife here!" "I'm ready for you!" "Go away!" "I was just doing some spring-cIeaning." "(Bates) It really is wonderfully done, clive, if I may say so." "wonderfully... sort of shot." "It just..." "It stands by itself, it's a timeless piece." "It's a sort of hugely resonant sort of... study of behaviour, of eccentric, extreme and sometimes perfectly normal behaviour." "It's, It doesn't rea..." "It doesn't let you go." "And, I'd forgotten how beautifully lit it was, too." "It's..." "It's a modern classic." "I'm very lucky to have had the opportunity to have done it and to michael's tenaciousness to get all that together." "...really quite a remarkable, unique moment in probably all our careers, actually." "...but you say when I've sort of..." "It's just everything you... you thought it was when I was doing the play." "When you see it, you see what you've been doing and you see it realised." "You know, it doesn't let you down." "I think the sort of menace that Mick uses is sometimes terrifying, Iike in the dark with the vacuum cleaner and then goes into what's a seemingly perfectly innocent and natural conversation, which is actually quite mad and totally bewildering to the old man." "also, you get very near to people and talk very sweetly to them, that's menace, you know." "Then you suddenly turn away when it's least expected of you and you disappear." "All that is menace." "And you don't actually..." "I don't know what you do, quite, except for the way I've described it." "(Birkett) The unpredictability of the way you played Mick's character is absolutely masterIy." "It isn't just being unpredictable, one moment you're nice, one moment you're nasty." "It's the timing of when you leave, how you turn," "Making sure that there is a kind of inbuilt rhythm of menace in the unpredictability." "That's what alan does so brilliantly." "He never gets the timing wrong." "You just know it's right when he leaves." "And the old man knows it's wrong when he leaves!" "(Bates) It's almost like he's a mirage to the old man." "He's there, in a bewildering and close way, and then he's not there at all." "It's almost like a dream that the old man's had, you know." "But it's HaroId's understanding of... of these loyalties and behaviours and these terribly moving, sort of desperate people who..." "Mick's obsession with the palace that he's going to create." "It's absolutely certain in his own mind and it's the least likely thing that's going to happen." "And Davies going to Sidcup." "They've got their world and it seems mad but it isn't." "It's sort of... mad in the way that we're all mad." "But it's... mastery of language and observation, isn't it?" "And bringing the ups..." "What you think must have been said by these three people who he knew." "He certainly knew the old man." "The brothers I think he also knew." "Do you think, clive?" " (Donner) I'm sorry?" " He knew all three brothers." "(Donner) Oh, yeah." "(Bates) So the..." "He is able to turn, you know, everyday language, the way I'm talking now, he would make that dramatic." "You know, those pauses, those hesitations, those... you know." "(Birkett) But the chap he knew who was the Aston figure, was the most interesting cos he had correspondence with him." "And he asked him whether..." "I think it was not after seeing the film but after seeing..." "He took him to a performance of the play." "I don't know which one it was now." "Maybe it was the Arts or later, but it was the Aston figure he took." "This was obviously an extraordinary person." "But I remember HaroId telling me that when HaroId said" ""What did you make of the smashing of the Buddha?"" "he said to this Aston character, this bloke said "I thought it represented the death of meditation."" "It set even HaroId back on his heels a bit, that one!" " (Bates) It's beautiful, isn't it?" " (Birkett) Isn't it?" "I've got a Iot of ideas, Iot of plans." "Now, how would you Iike to stay on here as caretaker?" "What?" "I couId rely on a man like you around the place, to keep an eye on things." "well, now look here." "I never..." "I never, done no caretaking before, you see." "You've been in the services, haven't you?" " The what?" " You've been in the services." " You can tell by your stance." " Oh..." "Oh, yes." "I spent half me life there, man." " Overseas, Iike." "Serving, I was." " In the colonies, weren't you?" "I was over there." "I was one of the first over there." "That's what I mean." "You're just the man I've been looking for." " What for?" " Caretaker." "Yes, well, now... now look here." "Who's the landlord here..." "him or you?" "Me." "I am." "I got deeds to prove it." "Oh, well, in that case I don't mind, ...doing a bit of caretaking for you." "I don't mind, looking after the place for you." "Of course, we'd come to a small financial agreement, mutually beneficial." "I'd leave you to reckon all that out, Iike." "Thanks." "Pari passu and pro rata." "Oh, yes." "Oh, there's just one thing." "Have you got any references?" " Eh?" " Just to satisfy my solicitor." "I got plenty of references." "AII I got to do is get down to Sidcup tomorrow." "I know that place like the back of me 'and." "I got all the references I want there." "Good." "Listen, you can't pick me up a good pair o' shoes, can you?" "I got a bad need for a good pair o' shoes." "Do you think there's any chance of you being able to pick me up a pair?" "(Donner) HaroId said "There is a scene I want to do, that I couldn't do in the theatre," and it's this scene." "The timing is actually, the timing of Mick's move round, the pace at which he goes." "(Birkett) It's just so moving!" " almost nothing happening!" " Yes, and that last image." "Nothing happening." "(Donner) And that last image of Aston standing there alone." "alone." "Because he loves his brother and they can't say anything to each other." "I'm still mystified by it, to tell you the truth!" "(Birkett) It was wonderful not to have put any sound on." "I mean, apart from the slight crunch of footsteps in the snow." "It would have been..." "You could easily imagine conventional fiIm-makers saying "This is where the music comes in."" "And just the fact there isn't anything is marvellous, I think." " Said you wanted me to get you up." " What for?" "You said you were thinking of going down to Sidcup." "Oh, aye, that'd be a good thing if I couId get down there." "It doesn't look much of a day." "Oh, that's shot it, then, in't it?" "I didn't have a very good night again." "I slept terrible." " You were making..." " terrible." "Had a bit o' rain in the night, didn't it?" " Just a bit." " Yeah, I thought so." "Come in on me 'ead." "The draught's blowing right in on me 'ead, anyway." "Can't you shut that bloody window?" " You could." " well, what about it, then?" "The rain's coming right in on me 'ead." "Got to have a bit of air." "Listen, don't talk to me about air, boy." "I've lived all me life in the air!" "AII I'm trying to say, there's too much air coming in through that window when I'm asleep." "It's very stuffy in here without the window open." "Yes, but listen, you don't understand what I'm telling you." "The bloody rain, man, come right in on me 'ead!" "That's done me trip to Sidcup." "What about closing that window now?" "It'II be coming in here." "Hey." "close it for the time being." "You haven't come across that pair o' shoes you was gonna look out for me, 'ave you?" "No, I'II see if I can pick some up for you today." "I mean, I can't go out in these, can I?" "Can't even go and get meself a cup o' tea." "There's a café just along the road." "There may be, mate, there may be." "I used to go there quite a bit." "Years ago now." "But I stopped." "I used to like that place." "I spent quite a bit of time in there." "I thought they understood what I said." "I mean, I used to talk to them." "Same with the factory." "I used to talk about things and these men, they used to listen whenever I had anything to say." "It was all right." "trouble was," "..used to have..." "kind of hallucinations." "But they weren't hallucinations." "They..." "I used to get the feeling I couId see things... very clearly." "Everything was so clear." "Everything used to..." "Everything used to get very quiet." "Everything got very quiet." "AII this... quiet and this clear sight, it was..." "But maybe..." "I was wrong." "Anyway..." "Someone must've... said something." "I don't know anything about it." "Some kind of lie must have got around and this lie went round." "I thought people started being funny in that café." "Factory." "CouIdn't understand it." "Then one day... ..they took me to a hospital right outside London." "They got me there." "I didn't want to go." "Tried to get out quite a few times." "It wasn't very easy." "They asked me questions in there." "They got me in and they asked me all sorts of questions." "well, I told them when they wanted to know what my thoughts were." "(Donner) I'II tell you what we did do, the only time in my knowledge that this has ever been done." "We rehearsed for, I think, a few days beforehand." "Maybe a week?" "About a week." "And I didn't have to rehearse these guys, you know, there was a question of texture." "But there was a Iot of rehearsal to be done in terms of how... what would happen when they actually got into this tiny, cramped space." "And so, on the Iast day of... the day before, on the Saturday before we started shooting," "I said "I want to do a rehearsal of the whole film, right the way from beginning to end, starting outside in the street."" "And in continuity, going into the house with Mick, upstairs with Mick into the room, out of the room, back to Davies and Aston walking in the street, following them all the way around, into the house." "And played the whole of the film, from beginning to end, in costume, and it was mad." "I mean, there was there was Nic, sort of hanging over my shoulder, anybody who could stand anywhere near trying to get a look at what was going on, and the actors created some kind of calmness for themselves." "And we did the whole play from beginning to end, nonstop." "well, I wasn't a fool." "I knew I was a minor." "(Donner) There was only one weekend, one Saturday we shot, which was the day when we did the very long, complicated scene of Aston telling the story of his experience in the hospital, which was done in two takes, two long takes." "We had biggish cameras in those days, still, and we had a tiny trolley made, which would just literally take the camera, on wheels." "What's that?" "I don't know, about three inches high." "So that alex, the operator, who's a very big man, had to scrunch right the way down to get his eye to the viewfinder." "In that scene I moved the camera from right to left, because I thought "What do I do with this long scene?"" "It is a masterpiece of writing, a wonderful acting... piece to do." "And I thought "What is the best way to get this onto the screen?"" "And I decided it wouId be wrong to have too many cuts." "In fact, to have no cuts would have been ideal." "I wanted to try and do it in one." "It wasn't possible, we just needed it in order to change the positions." "And so we did it in one, tracking very, very slowly from right to left, but imperceptibly." "I mean, it is there, and sharp eyes will see it, of course." "But the strange thing is that because what Robert's doing on the screen is so hypnotic, so pulling you in to the story, this awful story that he's telling, you don't actually realise the camera's moving." "So, by the time you've got to the other end of the track, you've done half of the scene and apparently nothing's happened." "(Birkett) well, it's not only a track from right to left, it's a track in." "It gets closer and closer to the brain of this poor character, which has been lobotomised or whatever one assumes to have happened to him." "So it's... about eight minutes of very, very slow track." "(Donner) There's just one moment, if you watch very carefully, where alex shifts his body to get a slightly better grip on the camera to be able to control it." "And just for a moment there's the slightest wobble." "I don't suppose anybody has ever noticed that wobble on the screen except alex and me." "(Birkett) No, never." "You didn't tell me!" "...that's why I..." "Anyway, he did it." "Though I did get out, I got out of the place." "But I couldn't walk very well." "I don't think my spine was damaged." "No, that was perfectly all right." "trouble was, I couldn't hear what people were saying." "I couldn't look to the right or the Ieft," "I had to look straight in front of me." "If I turned my head round, I couldn't keep upright." "And I had these headaches." "I used to sit in my room." "It was when I lived with my mother." "And my brother." "He was younger than me." "I laid everything out in order in my room, all the things I knew were mine." "But I didn't die." "Anyway..." "I feel much better now." "But I don't talk to people now." "I steer clear of places like that café." "I don't go into them now." "I don't talk to anyone..." "like that." "I've often thought of going back and trying to find the man who did that to me." "But I want to do something first." "I want to build that shed out in the garden." "(Birkett) I'm allowed to say this, that CIive was amazingly clever with this scene because he shot it from one angle, just put the camera beside the bench, van drives in, dialogue, in gets the old tramp," "and off goes the van." "And then it turns left and you watch it all the way round and it turns left again and then it turns left again." "Then it comes back to exactly where it was before, door open, donald thrown out and the camera has never changed position, it just does that." "It's the most beautifully symmetrical shot." "(Donner) The camera was just high enough to be able to look over the... (Birkett) The whole of the roundabout." "Yes, and the rim of the door, as well." "(Birkett) Very clever, old boy." " I can say that, you can't." " I can't." "(Birkett) There we are." "Pretty decent driving, alan." "(Bates) I wanted to see if you wanted a description of menace." "(Birkett) And he's so sweet, he's been so nice to him, you know." "(Bates) The exterior scene with the van is the only scene that was written in." "Was it?" "I mean, it wasn't verb..." "it wasn't a Iot of words but, it was a..." "an absolute addition." "And the most striking in a way, wasn't it?" "Cos it said so much about the relationship... (Birkett) It's such a wicked scene because the one thing you are certain of throughout this play is that this old tramp is never, never going to get his papers." "He's never going to get to..." "Where?" " (Donner) Sidcup." " And this is a very naughty scene because the van goes all round with alan driving it... (Bates) Just goes round and round and comes back to the same point." "(Birkett) But when he stops opposite donald, who's sitting on a bench, in a sort of park, and donald says "Where you going?" and he says "I'm going to Sidcup."" "And you know that he can't be going, this can't happen, because the play's going to be over if he does." "Of course, he goes all the way round the park in one shot and then throws him out again and says "No, we'II never make it."" "(Donner) "Come up to my place sometime and listen to Tchaikovsky."" "(Bates) I'd forgotten that." "(Birkett) Do you remember, alan, the business of why you were going to make the excuse" ""We couldn't do that because the bridge is up on the 21 4" and all that?" "And I remember I'd got the AA book..." " (Bates) Why we couldn't go?" " (Birkett) Yeah." "I'd got the AA book in the car, so we looked out the route to Sidcup," "harold being a stickler for these things." "He said "Yes, it'II be the 21 4 and that's the bridge..."" "So he worked out the scene off the AA book!" "(Bates) No, that's a marvellous little moment, cos it's so symbolic of the whole story, of just the tease and the mischief and the, the trying to get somewhere and the... the fact that you really just sort of go around yourself, you know," "and you..." "It is the most wonderful study in sort of human... extremity, people in extreme states and people in very..." "almost paranoiac states." "And how their seIf-import..." "Their importance of their own world is to themselves and unspoken loyalties." "It has all these sort of extraordinary resonances and depths to it, the blind loyalty of the brothers, for instance." "well, not blind, but they assume, just instinctive, it's taken for granted." "Mick is..." "He knows, that's his anger, really." "His brother is his anger, in a way, and everything works round that." "And he is able, then, to deal with Davies as a sort of plaything, as someone to tease and to torture." "That scene, going round that roundabout, says so much, doesn't it, about the entire play?" "It's like, in a sense, the bag sequence, isn't it," " the passing of the bag?" " (Birkett) Yes." "(Bates) I Ioved doing it." "I never quite knew what I was doing!" "But I think, in a sense, it's about... control." "(Donner) Yes, it's about power." "(Bates) And it's a very daring moment in a play, never mind a film, to suddenly break off and do a symbolic thing like that." "It wouldn't be a flat, it wouId be a palace." "I say it wouId, man!" " A palace." " Who would live here?" "I would." "My brother and me." "well, what about me?" "AII his stuff in here." "It's no good to anybody, it's a Iot of old iron, it's clobber." "You couldn't make a home out of this!" "There's no way you could arrange it." "It's junk!" "He couldn't sell it, either, cos he wouldn't get tuppence for it." "It's junk!" "But he don't seem to be interested in what I got in mind, that's his trouble." "Why don't you have a chat with him and see if he's interested?" " Me?" " You're a friend of his, aren't you?" " He ain't no friend of mine." " You live in the same room." "He ain't no friend of mine." "No, you want to speak to him, see." "You want to tell him, tell him that we got ideas for this place." "We could get it started!" "I'd decorate it out for you and..." "I'd give you a hand in..." "doing it... between us." "No, you're the one as wants to talk to him." "After all, you're his brother." "Yes." "Maybe I will." "Where are you going?" "This is him!" "Pair of shoes." "Pick them up." "Try them." " Where's the laces?" " No laces." "(Birkett) I would have loved to have had a backers' screening." "Can you imagine that little lot all sitting in one screening room?" "But, they were all over the place, they're all very busy people." "NoëI's back in switzerland, the others were in hollywood," "Peter hall's up at Stratford and leslie was acting in something." "So we never had a backers'... thing." "They all, at one time or another, saw it, I think, and they all thought it was terrific, and it opened at a little cinema in Oxford Street, famous classic cinema, the Academy." "(Donner) That's right, yeah." "(Birkett) And that's where it ran for... what, three weeks?" "(Donner) No, no, it was a Iong run." "(Birkett) And then it was shown in various other art-house cinemas and a little bit abroad, not so much." "But enough for the backers to get their money back." "It got back the £30,000." "We sort of paid it off." "It was an interest-free Ioan, thank goodness." "Cos otherwise, movies normally have interest attached to them." "You never pay it off." "The damn thing goes on and on..." "But we paid off the £30,000, then we were able to share the profits." "The profits turned out..." "I mean, by now," "I think that the three of us in this room and indeed the others, have all made about £1 ,900 out of this movie." " Instead of a salary, mind you." " (Bates) Handsome." "(Birkett) Handsome, yes." "I'm glad it pleased alan!" "(Bates) Pari passu." "Hey, stop it, will you?" "I can't sleep." "What?" " What's going on?" " You're making noises." "I'm an old man." "What do you expect me to do, stop breathing?" "What do you expect me to do?" "I tell you, mate... (Birkett) British Lion said they'd distribute it for us." "And they it was who fixed up the cinemas." "So one had a distributor." "And they thought it a good idea to enter it for a film festival." "So we went to berlin, which happened to be the nearest one." "AII three of us went and so did HaroId." "Bob and donald couldn't come but I remember alan and clive and I and harold all going off to berlin." "And it was duly shown, amongst all the glossies of the rest of the world." "And it won the silver Bear, which is the kind of jury prize." "It's the prize for intelligent films, as opposed to the hollywood glamour films, you know." "So we won this silver Bear, which is a silver bear, and were rather pleased with it and had quite a good time." "We actually managed to save enough from the £30,000 budget to get ourselves to berlin and stay for the three days or something we had to stay and get home again on what was left over from the budget, would you believe?" "Think I'm gonna do all your dirty work?" "AII up and down them stairs?" "Just so's I can sleep in this lousy, filthy hole every night?" "Not me, boy." "Not for you, boy." "You don't know what you're doing, 'aIf the time." "You're up the creek!" "You're 'alf off." "Whoever saw you slip me a few bob?" "Treated me like a bloody animal!" "I never been inside a nuthouse!" "Don't come nothing with me, boy." "I got this here." "I used it." "I used it!" "Don't come it with me." "I think... it's about time you found somewhere else." "I don't think we're hitting it off." "Find somewhere else?" "Me?" "Not me, man, you!" "You'd better find somewhere else." "I live here." "You don't." "Don't I?" "well, I Iive here, I've been offered a job here." "Yes." "But I don't think you're really suitable." "Not... suitable, eh?" "well, Iet me tell you, there's someone here thinks I am suitable." "Get it?" "Your brother." "He's told me, see, he's told me the job is mine." "I'm gonna be 'is... caretaker." "Look..." "If I give you a few bob, you can get down to Sidcup." "You build your shed first." "A few bob." "When I can pick up a steady wage here!" "You build your stinking shed first, that's what!" "Don't come too near!" "That's not a stinking shed." "You've no reason to call that shed stinking." "You stink." " What?" " You've been stinking the place out." "Christ!" "You say that to me?" "For days." "That's one reason I can't sleep." "You call me that!" "You call me stinking!" "You'd better go." "I'II stink you!" "I'II... stink you." "Get your stuff." "You're..." "You're not right." "(Donner) Sometimes one shoots lots of takes because it just isn't right." "I remember when NoëI came to see it, he said..." "He saw a screening of some rushes and he said" ""It's what alfred and Lynnie..." meaning the Lunts," ""AIfred and Lynnie would call 'silky acting'."" "One understands what he means, that the performances, somehow or other, even though some is harsh, there's a smoothness, there's a kind of purity, I suppose, to it." "When I was shooting the film, there was never a question that their performances wouldn't be spot-on." "If they did..." "They'd say "Do you mind if I do it again?"" "But generally speaking, we just went for it." "This is a very broad statement, but I've always found... and more and more, the more I directed, that if you've... got the actors comfortable and right with themselves, and knowing what they're supposed to be doing" "and if your crew know what you're supposed to be doing," "I reckoned..." "This is something I discovered working with O'TooIe, was that we would... do all of that and rehearse." "couple of takes, rehearsals, whatever, check all the camera and things." "We would then do... a take and it wouId be OK, but not quite right." "I would feel it wasn't quite right." "Then we would do another one and it wouId go down, it wasn't quite as good as the one before." "And on the third one, we hit it." "I don't know if you've ever noticed that, alan, when working, but quite often, if other things don't intervene, if it's just left to you..." "Sometimes you do it in one." "But if it's generally left to you, three." "One to get ready, two to be steady and the third one to go." "(Bates) Yes, that can be true." "But it's great." "You often..." "people are geared for the first take." "They're ready for the first take." "And they've got an adrenaline for the first take, which is why it's often..." "often the best." "But, when you get into six, seven, it just dies on you, dies on you." "(Birkett) I don't know whether you've used up all your stock." "In those days, the conventional thing was to say a ratio of ten-to-one." "You ordered ten times as much raw stock as the film was gonna run." "Most directors in the world would say "You're starving me of stock."" ""It is the raw material of film, what are you doing being so mean about it?"" "I don't think CIive actually used his ten-to-one." "That wasn't what got us to berlin." "The remaining reels of 4X wouldn't have paid for the air fare." "(Donner) Some very great directors would disagree with me," "I mean, of the past, would disagree with me and have worked other ways, but I actually see... very little, as far as one can, very little in their obsession, for whatever reasons they go on," "doing take after take, up to 50, 100 takes." "(Bates) You can't see the reasons?" "(Donner) I see very little reason and little in it to justify it at all." "(Birkett) Bet you they all use take three after all." "I bet they do." "(Bates) I was taken to, by a very famous director who's no Ionger here, to something like take... what, 23 or something like that, and finally I just said "Look, if you're going again," "you'II really have to tell me what it is that I'm not doing, that you want, because I can only go back over what I've done or repeat what I've just done or..."" "He said "No, no, I was just waiting to see if there was something else."" "You just think..." "This is the opposite of what CIive's just been saying!" "(Birkett) And on take 24, you produce a pink rabbit!" "(Bates) Yeah." "I mean, it's crazy." "You've got all your spontaneity in the first three or four takes, you've got it and then it's just a question of repeating." "Sometimes you go again, you go to ten for purely technical reasons." "(Donner) The reason, if it's ever given..." "The reason, generally speaking is because I don't feel that it's right." "And the answer is "well, fine," you know" ""if you've got the opportunity to go on and do it."" ""But are you actually really capable of making a decision, even if you go and sit..." "Even today, with the speeded-up editing we have, can you really sit there and...?"" "Anyway, there's no perfect..." "There is no real perfection." "There is always a roughness or an imperfection somewhere or other in practically everything that one does." "It's..." "It's the perfect storm, you know, it almost doesn't exist." "It certainly doesn't exist in film." "(Birkett) It's the reason that it's so nearly impossible to get directors to stop editing their films." "Cos they know there's another little cut somewhere that is just going to make that little edge." "You have to take it from them, saying "Sorry, it's going into the labs."" ""Neg cutting now, going into a cinema soon." "You'II have to stop."" "Not with clive." "(Donner) well, with clive, too." "(Birkett) I didn't steal it out of your hands and rush off with it." "(Donner) No, but in fact, in the editing, I can understand that one wants to go on and on." "Because... this is to do with the amount, not the number of takes per setup, but the number of setups that you shoot, how much stuff." "Upstairs, downstairs, wide angle, narrow angle, how much of that do you use?" "And I can certainly see, and have done, that there are instances where you want to..." "experiment in the cutting rooms, experiment with the editing." "Because there's so many things there that you have absolute control of." "You don't have absolute control over take 76, but you have absolute control over the film." "It's there." "And you think "well, wait a moment, if that scene is held longer, it's different, even if it's just a small thing."" "There is an enormous amount of work that one can do, endlessly in the editing, until eventually out of exhaustion, or because the producer says "Hey,"" "you call "halt."" "You stink from arsehoIe to breakfast time." "well, look at it!" "You come here, recommending yourself as an interior decorator, whereupon I take you on." "And what happens, eh?" "You make a Iong speech about all them references you got down at Sidcup." "And what happens?" "I haven't noticed you going to Sidcup to obtain them." "It's all most regrettable, but it really does look as though" "I'm compelled to pay you off for your caretaking work." "There's 'alf a dollar." "AII right, then." "You do that." "You do it." "If that's what you want." "That's what I want!" "(Bates) It is a fascinating setup, these three people." "They are extremely interesting." "And unu... a very unlikely trio." "So there's an automatic fascination to it from the start." "It's extremely funny from the word go, so the door is open." "It immediately comes through to its audience and it's alarming." "And without your knowing it, or with your knowing it, it starts very early to work on your... quite a profound level." "it doesn't..." "You're in there with them straightaway and maybe, with some of the other plays, you're not." "(Donner) I think the characters actually... as we talk about it..." "I think part of it is because the characters are archetypes." "I remember that when the play was done," "harold Hobson said that the three characters represented" "Christ and the two... thieves on the cross." "And Ken Tynan said they represented the ego, the alter ego and the id." "Now, that's going off into that particular land." "But I think the fact that those two men's minds could... click into that," "I think, perhaps, is not a reason, but it's a clue." "Of these three men we all know, even if it's just from observation, something of what they are." "And in life we may have seen them in some situation, we may have seen an old..." "lying outside the national film Theatre, all the tramps and things." "You've seen people..." "There is an archetype lying there, waiting to be recognised." "(Birkett) They are recognisable." "also, you know from quite early on in the play who these three people are." "You say "Yes, I know that's Mick, that's Aston, that's Davies."" "You don't know what they're going to do, they're totally unpredictable in their behaviour, especially in their behaviour to each other, but you do know who they are." "I'm trying to think of the comparison with The Birthday Party, where you spend a great deal of time trying to figure out who on earth these people are, what on earth makes them behave the way they are." "usually when you've worked it out, you discover you were wrong, cos you've got to work it out again in the next scene." "It's a much more mysterious and puzzling experience, The Birthday Party, than The Caretaker." "I suppose, in the Iast resort, the reason that it's so popular is cos the thing's a masterpiece." "It's just as simple as that." "(Bates) And it's moving." "It isn't just a mind, it's a heart thing, too." "It's an identification, somewhere, on an emotional level." "(Donner) HaroId said to me..." "Those few days we were working on the script, he said to me "You do realise that if it's not funny, it's nothing?"" "Because it is..." "You know, because the play... this mysterious, unusual play can be done in many different ways, different places, different styles and things, but if it's not funny, if that other aspect to it isn't there," "then there's an arm missing, there's something missing of it, there's an incompleteness to it." "That doesn't mean you've got to get yuks of laughs and things, but it means that there is that aspect, the audience has to be amused, however they actually respond." "(Bates) Just watching this makes me laugh!" "It has got... enormous, deep humour." "(Birkett) It's a wonderfully funny character." "I should think, actually, that old tramp is probably the most non-poIiticaIIy-correct character in dramatic literature." "(Bates) Yes, I think he is!" "(Birkett) He's so outrageous about everything in life." "But you don't understand my meaning!" "Anyway, I'm going to be busy." "I've got that shed to get up." "If I don't get it up now, it'II never go up." "till it's up, I can't get started." "well, I'd give you 'and to put up your shed!" "That's what I'II do!" "You see what I'm saying?" "I can get it up myself." "But listen, I'm here!" "I'm with ya!" "I'II do it for ya!" "We'II do it together." "(Opens window)" "Christ, we'II change beds!" "Look here, listen, man, I don' t mind." "If you don't wanna swap beds, all right, we'II keep it as it is." "I'II stay in the same bed." "If I couId get, maybe, a bit of stronger sacking, Iike, to go over that window." "Keep out the draught." "That'II do it." "well, what do you say?" "We'II keep it as it is." "No." "Why not?" "You make too much noise." "Look here!" "Listen!" "What am I going to do?" "(Birkett) I suddenly had a reflection, which is probably slightly barmy, but one of the nice things about this is that all the characters have big arias at one point or another in the film." "Mick has his wonderful dream about how he's going to do the room with this kind of interior furnisher's directorate that he brings out." "And Aston, of course, has this deeply moving thing about his operation in the hospital, his lobotomy or whatever." "And the tramp has his huge outbursts of protest about things that he needn't be protesting about." "So in a way, it's..." "I don't mean it's operatic in any foolish way but there are set pieces, which work wonderfully well in the midst of all the cross-chat and the back and forth." "That's one of the structural things that makes the play and the film so fascinating." "(Bates) Bit like pillars, aren't they?" "(Birkett) Yeah." "It doesn't look like a play, does it?" "If you said to somebody who'd never heard of harold Pinter or any of the background of all this, "That film started from a play,"" "they wouldn't know it until you told them." "(Bates) It's an absolute one-off, unique piece which really is timeless, I think, in its understanding of behaviour." "That's what they're crying out for." "I'd've cracked me head on that pavement if he'd've landed." "It's a filthy state!" "An old man like me!" "They resent me." "That Scotch git!" "Comes up to me, parks a bucket of rubbish at me." "tells me to take it out the back." "It's not my job to take out the bucket." "They've got a boy there to take out that bucket." "I wasn't engaged to take out buckets." "My job's cleaning the floors, clearing up the tables, a bit of washing-up." "Nothing to do with taking out buckets." "I told him what to do with his bucket, didn't I?" "Did you hear what I said to the guv'nor after he give me the bullet?" ""Look here," I said, "I got my rights."" "And I told him that." "I might have been on the road, but nobody's got more rights than I have." ""Let's have a bit of fair play," I said." "Anyway, he give me the bullet." "I tell you, if you hadn't come out and stopped that Scotch git," "I'd be inside the 'ospital now." "I'd've cracked me head on that pavement if he'd've landed." "I'd've cracked me bastard head!" "Do you want to sit down for a couple of minutes?" "Lucky you come into that caff." "I've been left for dead more than once!" "What's this, then?" "Where I Iive." "couple of minutes?" "Yeah, that'II be all right." "I wouldn't say no to that." "The whole thing's interfered with me plans now, you see." "You see what I mean?" "Look at all this bastard ice!" "I mean, when's it gonna go?" "I've got to work things out again now, see?" "That Scotch git!" "I tell you, if I see him again" "I'II..." "I'II poke him one in the bloody eye, I'II tell you that." "He's got no right to treat me like that." "Oh, another thing I couId do, I couId get down to Kensington oval." "See, I've got to start thinking things out all over again now." "Up here." "AII the way up." "filthy skate!" "An old man like me." "I've had dinner with the best." "They got no respect, you see." " Sit down." " Thanks." "Just a minute." "Sit down?" "I haven't had a good sit-down..." "Haven't had a proper sit-down..." " well, I couldn't tell you." " Here you are." "AII them blacks, they keep you running around all night." "You don't get a chance for a sit-down." "Ten minutes off for tea break in the middle of the night in that place and I couldn't find a seat, not one." "AII them blacks 'ad it." "blacks, Greeks, poles, all them aliens 'ad it." "Take a seat." "Yes, well, what I got to do first, you see, what I got to do, I got to loosen myself up." "You see what I mean?" "I couId have got done in down there!" "D'you want to roll yourself one of these?" "What?" "No thanks, I never smoke a cigarette." "I tell you what, though, I'II have a bit of that tobacco for me pipe." " Yes." "Go on, take some out of there." " Thanks, that's kind of you, mister." "Just enough to fill me pipe, that's all." "AII them toerags, mate, they've got the manners of pigs." "I might have been on the road but you can take it from me, I'm clean." "I keep meseIf up." "That was why I Ieft my wife." "Fortnight after I married her..." "No, not so much, no more than a week," "I took the lid off a saucepan..." "D'you know what was in it?" "pile of her underclothing, unwashed." "Where shall I put it?" "I'II take it." "A pan for vegetables, it was." "A vegetable pan." "That's when I Ieft her and I haven't seen her since." "I'd've cracked me head on that pavement if he'd've landed." "That Scotch git!" "I've seen the day I was as handy as any of 'em." "They didn't take any liberties with me!" "I'II get him." "One night, I'II get him." "When I find myself around that direction." "I wouldn't mind so much, but I Ieft all me belongings in that place." "AII of 'em, the lot there was, in this bag in the back room there." "Every Iousy, blasted bit of all me bleedin' belongings," "I Ieft down there now." "In the rush of it." "Bet he's having a good poke around in it now, this very minute." "I'II pop down sometime and I'II pick 'em up for you." "Anyway, I'm obliged to you, letting me..." "Letting me have a bit of a rest, Iike, for a few minutes." " This your room?" " Yes." " You've got a good bit of stuff." " Yes." "There's enough of it." "There's a good bit of it, all right." " You sleep here, do you?" " Yes." " What, in that?" " Yes." "Yes, well, you'II be well out of the draught there." "You don't get much wind." "Yeah, you'II be well out of it." "Different when you're kipping' out." "Yes." "When the wind gets up, it's..." "Gets very draughty." "This your house, then, is it?" "I'm in charge." "You the land lord, are you?" "I noticed there was someone living in the house next door." "Yes." "family of Indians live there." "blacks?" "I don't see much of them." "Blacks, eh?" "I'II tell you what, mate..." "You haven't got a spare pair of shoes?" "Shoes?" "Them bastards at the monastery let me down again." "Where?" "Down at Luton." "Monastery down at Luton." "I got a mate at Shepherd's Bush, you see." "I might have a pair." "I got this mate at Shepherd's Bush... in the convenience." "well, he was in there." "He..." "He ran about the best convenience they got." "He ran about the best one." "always used to slip me a bit of soap, any time I went in there." "Very good soap." "They, they had to have the best soap." "I was never without a piece of soap... ..any time I happened to be knocking around the Shepherd's Bush area." "Pair of brown." "He's gone now." "It was him as put me onto this monastery the other side of Luton." "He'd heard they give away shoes." "You've got to have a good pair of shoes." "Shoes?" "It's life and death to me." "I had to go all the way down to Luton in these." "What happened when you got there?" "D'you know what that bastard monk said to me?" "How many more blacks have you got round here, then?" " What?" " You got any more blacks round here?" "See if these are any good." "D'you know what that bastard monk said to me?" "I think those'd be a bit small." " would they?" " They don't look the right size." " Not bad trim." " Can't wear shoes that don't fit." "Nothing worse." "I said to this monk..." ""Here!" I said, '"Look here, mister," I said." "He... opened the door." "Big door." "He opened it." ""Look," I said, "I come all the way down here..."I showed him these." ""You haven't got a pair of shoes" I said," ""enough to keep me on me way?"" ""Look at these," I said, "they're nearly out, they're no good to me."" ""I heard you got a stock of shoes down here."" ""Piss off," he says. "Now look here," I said, "I'm an old man," I said." ""You ain't got no right to talk to me like that." "I don't care who you are."" ""If you don't piss off," he says, "I'II kick you to the gates."" ""Now look," I said, "wait a minute."" ""AII I'm asking for is a pair of shoes."" ""Don't start taking liberties with me. "" ""It's taken me three days to get out here, three days without a bite."" ""I'm worth a bite to eat, aren't I?"" ""Get out round the corner to the kitchen," he says. "Get out!"" ""When you've had your meal, piss off out of it."" ""meal?" I said, "What d'you think I am, nothing better than a dog?"" ""What do you think I am, a wild animal?" "What about all them shoes... ..I come all the way down here to get, I heard you was giving away?"" ""I've a good mind to report you to your mother superior."" "Another of 'em, an Irish hooIigan, come at me." "I cleared out." "I took a short cut to Watford, picked up a pair there." "I got onto the North circular, just past Hendon..." "The sole come off, right where I was walking." "Lucky I had me old ones wrapped up, still carrying them." "Otherwise I'd've been finished, man." "So I've had to stay with these." "They're gone." "They're no good." "AII the good's gone out of 'em." "Try these." "Not a bad pair of shoes." "This leather's 'ardy, in't it?" "Very 'ardy." "bloke tried to flog me some suede the other day." "I wouldn't wear 'em." "Can't beat leather for wear." "Suede goes off." "It creases." "It stains for life in five minutes." "You can't beat leather." "Yes." " Good shoe, this." " Good." "Don't fit, though." "No, I got a very... broad foot." "These are a bit pointed." "They'd cripple me in a week." "These ones I got on, they're not much good but they're comfortable." "They're not much cop but at Ieast they're... they don't hurt." "...thanks anyway, mister." "I'II see what I can look out for you." "Thank you." "Thank you." "Good luck." "I can't go on like this." "Can't get from one place to another, you see." "And I'II have to be... moving about, try to get fixed up." " Where are you going to go?" " I've got one or two things in mind." "I'm just waiting for the... weather to break." "would you Iike to sleep here?" " here?" " You can sleep here if you Iike." "here?" "well, I don't know about that." "How long for?" "till you get yourself... fixed up." " Get yourself sorted out." " I'II be f...fixed up any day now." " Where would I sleep?" " Here." "The other rooms would be no good to you." "Here." "Where?" "There's a bed beneath all this." "well, that's handy." "I'II tell you what, I might do that." "Just till I get sorted out." "You got enough... furniture here." "I picked it up." "Just keeping it here for the time being." "This... gas stove work, do it?" " No." " What d'you do for a cup of tea?" " Nothing." " That's a bit rough." "Are you... building something?" "I might build a shed out at the back." " Carpentry, eh?" " I Iike... working with my hands." "What's this?" " It's a Buddha." " Get on." "Yes." "I quite like it." "I picked it up... in a shop." "Looked quite nice to me." "Don't know why." "What do you think of these Buddhas?" " They're all right, aren't they?" " Yes." "I was pleased when I got hold of this one." "It's very well made." "This the bed here, then, is it?" "Yes." "We'II get rid of all the stuff." " I'II put this here for the minute." " Yes." "That's better." "Is this in use at all, then?" "No." "There." "How are you off for money?" "Oh, well, to tell you the truth, mister, I'm a bit short." " Here's a few bob." " Thank you." "Good luck." "I just happened to find meself a bit short, you see." "I got nothing for all that week's work I done last week." "That's the position, that's what it is." "I went into a pub the other day, ordered a Guinness." "They gave it to me in a thick mug." "I sat down but I couldn't drink it." "I can't drink Guinness out of a thick mug." "I only like it out of a thin glass." "I had a few sips." "But I couldn't finish it." "If only the weather would break." " Then I'd be able to get to Sidcup." " Sidcup?" "The weather's so bloody awful, how can I get to Sidcup in these shoes?" " Why do you want to go to Sidcup?" " I got me papers there!" " Your what?" " I got me papers there!" " What are they doing at Sidcup?" " A man I know has got 'em." "I Ieft them with him, you see." "They prove who I am." "I can't move without them papers." "They tell you who I am." "I'm lost without 'em." " Why is that, then?" " well, you see, what... what it is, you see, I changed me name, years ago." "I've been going around under... an assumed name." "It's not me real name." "What name have you been..." "going under?" "Jenkins." "Bernard Jenkins." "I got an insurance card here." "...see, look." "Under the name of Jenkins." "There, Bernard Jenkins." "It got four...four stamps on it." "But it's no use me going along with these." "I take that card along, I go in the nick." "I got no rights." "Any time you want to get into your bed, just get in." "Don't you worry about me." "...well, then, I think I will." "To tell you the truth, mister, I'm a bit... ..a bit done in." "See you've got a bucket up there." "Leak." " Where's the...?" " What?" "It's got a sink in here." "Here you are." "You don't share it, do you?" "What?" "You don't share this toilet..." "with them Blacks, do you?" "They live next door." "They don't come in?" "Because, I mean, fair's fair." "well, I'II leave you to it, then." "What's this?" "What's this?" " What's this?" " It's all right, it's all right." " sleep well?" " Yes, dead out." "I must've been dead out." "Were you dreaming or something?" "Dreaming?" "What d'you mean?" "You were making noises." "Now wait a minute." "Now..." "Now wait a minute." "What d'you mean?" "What sort of noises?" "You were making groans." "You were jabbering." "Jabbering?" "I don't jabber, man." "What would I be jabbering about?" "You got hold of the wrong bloke, mate." "Maybe it was the bed." " Nothing wrong with this bed." " It might be a bit unfamiliar." "There's nothing unfamiliar about me with beds." "I slept in beds." "I don't make noises just because I sleep in a bed!" "I slept in plenty!" " Maybe it was them blacks." " What?" "Maybe it was them blacks making noises, coming up through the walls." "Where you going, you going out?" " Yes." " Wait a minute, then." " What are you doing?" " well, I better come with you." "Why?" "Don't you want me to get out when you're out?" "You don't have to go out." " What, you mean I can stay here?" " Do as you Iike." "You don't have to go out because I'm going out." "I've got a couple of keys." "This door, front door." "Thanks very much, the best of luck." "I think I'll take a stroll down the road." "A little... kind of a shop." "Man down there, he got a portable drill the other day." "I quite like the look of it." " portable drill, eh?" " Yes." "What did you say your name was?" "Bernard Jenkins, my assumed name." "No, your real one." " Davies." "Mac Davies." " welsh, are you?" " Hey?" " You welsh?" "well, I've been around a bit, you know." "I've been about." "Where were you born?" " What d'you mean?" " Where were you born?" "well, it's a bit hard, Iike, to set your mind back." "Going back a few years, you lose a bit of track, Iike." "If you see what I mean." "...what about this gas stove?" "Do you think it's going to be letting out any?" " What do you think?" " It's not connected." "I might go down to wembley later on in the day." " Yes?" " Yes, there's a caff down there." "I might be able to get fixed up." "I know they was a bit short-handed." "They might be in need of a bit of staff." "well, I'II be seeing you, then." "Yes!" "Right!" "hold it!" "bloody great pile of papers." "Screws." "I'II have to find out about that." "Had a pair of shoes in here." "What's the game?" " What's your name?" " I don't know you." "I don't know who you are!" " Jenkins." " Jenkins?" "Yeah." "Jen... kins." " Did you sleep here last night?" " Yes." " sleep well?" " Yes." "I'm awfully glad." "It's awfully nice to meet you." "You know, you remind me of my uncle's brother." "He was always on the move, that man, never without his passport." "He had an eye for the girls." "Very much your build." "Bit of an athlete, Iong-jump specialist." "Had a habit of demonstrating different run-ups in the drawing room round about Christmas time." "Had a penchant for nuts." "CouIdn't eat enough of 'em." "Peanuts, walnuts, brazil nuts, monkey nuts." "He wouldn't touch a piece of fruitcake." "It was a funny business." "Your spitting image, he was." "Married a Chinaman, went to Jamaica." " I hope you slept well last night." " Listen, I don't know who you are!" " What bed you sleep in?" "Eh?" " Now look here..." " That one." " Not the other one?" "No." "Choosy." "How d'you like my room?" " Your room?" " Yes." "This ain't your room!" "You've got a funny kind of resemblance to a bloke I once knew in Shoreditch." "well, actually, he lived in aldgate." "I was staying with a cousin in Camden Town." "His old mum was living at the angel." "The buses passed right by the door." "She could get a 38, 581 , 30, 38A, take her down the Essex Road to DaIston Junction in next to no time." "well, of course, if she got a 30, he'd take her round Upper Street way, via Highbury Corner, down by St paul's Church." "Though she'd get to DaIston Junction just the same in the end." "I used to leave my bike in her garden on my way to work." "Yeah, that was a curious affair." "Dead spit of you, he was." "Bit bigger round the nose, but nothing in it." " sleep here last night?" " Yes!" " How do you sleep?" "What bed?" " That." "Not the other?" "Choosy." "Choosy." " What sort of a sleep did you have?" " AII right!" " You weren't uncomfortable?" " AII right!" "You a foreigner?" "How d'you like my bed?" "This is my bed." "You want to watch out you don't get a draught." " Intending to settle down here?" " Give me my trousers!" " settling down for a Iong stay?" " Give me me bloody trousers!" " Why, where are you going?" " Give me 'em." "I'm going to Sidcup!" "You remind me of a bloke I bumped into once by GuiIdford bypass." "I was brought here." "I was brought here!" " Brought here?" "Who brought you here?" " Man who lives here." " Fibber." " I was brought here, last night." "I met him in...in a caff." "I got the bullet." "This bloke saved me from a punch-up." "He brought me here, he brought me right here." "I'm afraid you're a born fibber, aren't you, eh?" "You are speaking to the owner." "This is my room in my house." " It's his." "He seen me all right." " That's my bed." " What about this one, then?" " This is my mother's bed." " well, she wasn't in it last night." " Now, don't get perky, son." " Keep your hands off my old mum." " I..." "I ain't." "I..." "Don't get out of your depth, friend." "Don't take liberties with my mother." " Let's have a bit of respect." " I got respect!" " You won't find anyone with more!" " Why are you telling me fibs, then?" "Listen!" "I ain't never seen you before, have I?" "Never seen my mother before, either, I suppose?" "I think I'm coming to the conclusion that you're an old rogue." " You're an old scoundrel." " Now, wait..." " Listen, sonny, you stink." " You ain't got no..." "You're stinking the place out." "You're an old robber." "You're an old skate." "You don't belong in a nice place like this." "You're an old barbarian, honest." "You got no business wandering around in an unfurnished flat." "I couId get seven quid a week for this place, get a taker tomorrow." "350 a year exclusive, no argument." "well, if that sort of money's in your range, don't be afraid to say so." "The is van outside." "I can run you to the police station in five minutes." "Have you in for trespassing, daylight robbery, fiIching, thieving and stinking the place out." "What do you say?" "unless, of course, you're interested in a straightforward purchase." "I'II have my brother decorate the place up for you first." "Yeah, I got a brother, a number-one decorator." "He'II decorate it for you." "You can have this as your study." "This brother I mentioned, he's about to start decorating them other rooms." "well, he's just about to start." "What do you say?" "800 for this room or 3,000 down for the whole storey?" "Who d'you bank with?" "Who do you bank with?" "You still got that leak." "Yes." "It's coming from the roof." " From the roof?" " Yes." "I'II have to tar it over." "You're going to tar it over?" "Yes." "What?" "The cracks." "You'II be tarring over the cracks in the roof?" "Yes." " D'you think that'II do it?" " It'II do it for the time being." "What d'you do..." "What do you do..." "when that bucket's full?" "Empty it." "I was telling my friend that you're about to decorate them other rooms." "Yes." "I've..." "I've got you a bag." "Thanks!" "Give it to you, did they?" " What's this, then?" " Give us it, that's my bag!" " I've seen this bag before." " It's mine!" " Where'd you get it?" " Scrub it!" "It's mine." "It's mine, tell him it's mine." " This your bag, is it?" " Give me it!" " Give it to him!" " Give him what?" " The bloody bag!" " What bag?" "Where are you going?" "Don't push too hard." "Watch your step, sonny." "You're knocking at the door when no-one's at home." "You thieving bastard!" "You thieving skate!" "Here you are." "Did..." "Did you get down to wembley?" "I couldn't make it." "I had a bit of bad luck with that portable drill." "When I got there, it had gone." "Who's that feller?" "He's my brother." "Is he?" "He's a bit of a joker, in't he?" "He's got a sense of humour." "Yes, I couId tell that the first time I set eyes on him." "Yes." "He tends to see the funny side of things." "well, he's got a sense of humour, in't he?" "Yes." "I'm supposed to be doing up the house for him." "There's lots of possibilities about this place." "You see..." "Yes." "Once I get that shed up, I'II be able to give more thought to the house." "Perhaps I can... knock up one or two things for it." "I can work with my hands, you see." "It's one thing I can do." "I never knew I couId." "But I can." "I can do all sorts of things now with my hands." "When I get that shed up out there, I'II have a workshop, you see." "I could do a bit of woodwork." "simple woodwork to start." "Anyway, there's quite a bit to be done to this place." "Bit of a junk heap, this garden, eh?" "Got to be cleared." "Got all this, you see." "What's this, a pond?" " Yes." " What you got?" "Fish?" "No, there isn't anything in there." "You could be caretaker here, if you liked." "What?" "You could keep an eye on the place, if you liked." "You know, the..." "stairs..." "Iandings." "Front steps." "Keep an eye on it, polish the bells." "The bells?" "Yes, I'II be fixing a few down by the front door." "Brass." " Caretaker, eh?" " Yes." "Yes, well, now look here, I..." "I ain't never..." "done no caretaking before, you see." "AII I mean is I..." "I ain't never been a caretaker before." "How do you feel about being one, then?" "well, I reckon I..." "well, I'd have to know..." "You know..." "What sort of?" "Yes." "What sort..." "what sort of..." "You know." " well, I mean..." " I mean, I'd have to..." " I'd have to..." " Yes." "I..." "I couId tell you." "That's it... that's it." "Do you see?" "Do you get my meaning?" " I couId tell you when the time..." " See, that's what I'm getting at." " It's more or less exactly..." " You see, what I mean to say, what I'm... ..getting at it, is..." "I mean," "What sort of jobs?" "well, there's things like the stairs a... and the bells." "well, it'd be a matter, wouldn't it?" "It would be a matter of..." " ..of a broom, isn't it?" " Yes." " Of course you'd need a few brushes." " You'd need implements." " You'd need a good few implements." " Yes." "You could wear this, if you liked." "What?" "Oh." "That's nice, in't it?" " It'd keep the dust off you." " Yes, that'd keep the... dust off." "well off." "Thanks very much, mister." "Look, I've been thinking." " This ain't my bag." " No." "No, you see, my bag, it..." "was another kind of bag altogether." "I know what they've done." "What they've done, they kept my bag and... they've given you another one altogether." "No." "What happened was..." "someone went off with your bag." "That's what I said." "well, anyway, I I managed to pick this one up somewhere else." "It's got a few pieces of clothes in it." "He let me have the lot cheap." "Any shoes?" " What's this?" " It's a smoking jacket." " Smoking jacket?" " Yes." "It ain't a bad piece of cloth." "I'II see how it fits." "You ain't got a mirror in there, have you?" "No, I don't think I have." "well, it don't fit too bad." "How do you think it looks?" "Looks all right." "well, I won't say no to this, then." "Excuse me, guv'nor, have you any?" "Cup of tea." "Bastard." "Cup of tea yourself." "What about this bloody snow, then?" "hello, what's this?" "What's the matter with this damn light?" "Oh, don't tell me the damn light's gone now." "What'II I do now?" "The damn light's gone." "Give me a light." "Wait a minute." "Damn, where is it?" "Now where's the box?" "Where's the bloody box?" "Why, what's this?" "Who's this?" "Where's me box?" "It was down here." "Who's this?" "Who's this moving it?" "Who's this got me box?" "Who's in here?" "I've got a knife here!" "I'm ready for you!" "Come on, then!" "Who are ya?" "Go away!" "I was just doing some spring-cIeaning." "There used to be, a wall plug for this cleaner." "But it doesn't work, so I had to fit it in the light socket." "How do you think the place is looking, eh?" "I gave it a good going over." "well, after all, I am responsible for the upkeep of the premises, aren't I?" "What you waving that about for?" "You come near me!" "well, now, I'm sorry if I gave you a start, but" "well, I had you in mind, too, you know." "I mean, my brother's guest." "As a matter of fact, I was going to suggest that we lower your rent, to make it just a nominal sum." "Just nominal, that's all." "If you're gonna be spiky, I'II have to reconsider the whole proposition." "I keep meseIf... to meself, mate." "But if anyone starts with me, they know what they got coming." " Yes, I can believe that." " You do?" "I've been all over, see." "Do you understand my meaning?" "I don't mind a joke now and again but anyone'II tell you that no-one starts anything with me." " Oh, I get what you mean, yes." " I can be pushed so far..." " But no further." " That's it." "No, you know what it was?" "We just got off on the wrong foot, that's all." " Aye, we did." " would you Iike a sandwich?" "Don't you pull anything!" "Hey?" "I can't help being interested in any friend of my brother's." "I mean, you're my brother's friend, aren't you?" "well, I wouldn't put it as far as that." "Don't you find him friendly, then?" "well, I wouldn't say we...we was all that friends." "He never done me no 'arm but I wouldn't say he's a particular..." " Wh..." "What's in that sandwich, then?" " Cheese." " That'II do me." " Take one." "Thank you, mister." "well, now..." "I'm sorry to hear that my brother isn't very friendly." "Oh, he's friendly, he's friendly." "I never said he wasn't." " salt?" " No thanks." "I just can't exactly... make him out." " I forgot the pepper." " I just can't get the 'ang of him." "I had a bit of beetroot somewhere, I must have mislaid it." "Can I ask your advice?" "well, I mean, you're a man of the world, aren't you?" "Can I ask your... advice about something?" "You go right ahead." "Now, what it is, you see, I'm very worried about my brother." " Your brother?" " Yes." "You see, his trouble is..." " Yeah?" " well, it's not a nice thing to say." "Go on, now, you say it." "He doesn't like work." " Get on." " No, he just doesn't like work." " That's his trouble." " Is that a fact?" "It's a terrible thing to have to say about your own brother." " But he's just shy of it, you see." " I know that sort." " You know the type?" " I've met 'em." "Yes." "I don't know, he just..." "He don't like work." "He's supposed to be doing a little job for me." "I keep him here, you know, to do a little job." "But I don't know." "I'm coming to the conclusion he's a very slow worker." "What would your... advice be?" "well..." "He's a funny bloke, your brother." "What?" "I was just saying, he's a..." "a bit of a funny bloke, your brother." " Funny?" "Why?" " well, he's funny." "What's funny about him?" " Not liking work." " What's funny about that?" "Nothing." "I don't call that funny." " Nor me." " Don't start getting hypercriticaI." " No, I wasn't." " Don't get too glib." "Cut it!" "Look, I've got a little proposition to make to you." "I'm thinking of taking over the running of this place, you see." "I think it could be run a Iot more efficiently." "I've got ideas, plans." "Now, how would you Iike to stay on here, as caretaker?" "What?" "I couId rely on a man like you around the place, to keep an eye on things." "well, now look here." "I never..." "I never done no caretaking before, you see." " You've been in the services." " The what?" "You've been in the services." "You can tell by your stance." "Oh, yes." "I spent half me life there, man." " Overseas, Iike." "Serving, I was." " In the colonies, weren't you?" "I was over there." "I was one of the first over there." "well, that's what I mean." "You're just the man I've been looking for." " What for?" " Caretaker." "Yes, well, now look here." "Listen." "Who's the landlord here?" "Him or you?" "Me." "I am." "I got deeds to prove it." "Oh, well, in that case I don't mind doing a bit of caretaking for you." "I don't mind looking after the place for you." "We'd come to a small financial agreement, mutually beneficial." "I'II leave you to reckon all that out, Iike." "Thanks." "Pari passu and pro rata." "Yes." "Oh, there's just one thing." "Have you got any references?" "Just to satisfy my solicitor." "I got plenty of references." "AII I got to do is get down to Sidcup tomorrow." "I know it like the back of me 'and." "I got all my references down there." "Good." "Listen, you can't pick me up a good pair o' shoes, can you?" "I got a bad need for a good pair of shoes." "Is there any chance of you being able to p... pick me up a pair?" " Said you wanted me to get you up." " What for?" "You said you were thinking of going down to Sidcup." "Aye, that'd be a good thing if I couId get down there." "It doesn't look much of a day." "Oh, that's shot it then, in't it?" "I didn't have a very good night again." "I slept terrible." " You were making..." " terrible." "Had a bit of rain in the night, didn't it?" "Just a bit." "Yeah, I thought so." "Come in on me head." "The draught's blowing right in on me head, anyway." "Can't you shut that bloody window?" " You could." " well, what about it, then?" "The rain's coming right in on me head." "Got to have a bit of air." "Listen, don't talk to me about air, boy." "I've lived all me life in the air!" "AII I'm trying to say, there's too much air coming in through that window when I'm asleep." "It's very stuffy in here without the window open." "Yes, but listen, you don't understand what I'm telling you." "The bloody rain, man, come right in on me head!" "That's done me trip to Sidcup." "What about closing that window now?" "It'II be coming in here." "close it for the time being." "You haven't found those shoes you was gonna look out for me, have you?" "No, I'II see if I can pick some up for you today." "I mean, I can't go out in these." "Can't even go get meself a cup of tea." "There's a café just along the road." "There may be, mate, there may be." "I used to go there quite a bit." "Years ago, now." "But I stopped." "I used to like that place." "I spent quite a bit of time in there." "I thought they understood what I said." "I mean, I used to talk to them." "Same with the factory." "I used to talk about things and these men used to listen whenever I had anything to say." "It was all right." "trouble was," "..used to have..." "kind of hallucinations." "But they weren't hallucinations." "They..." "I used to get the feeling I couId see things... very clearly." "Everything was so clear." "Everything used to..." "Everything used to get very quiet." "Everything got very quiet." "AII this... quiet and this clear sight, it was..." "But maybe..." "I was wrong." "Anyway..." "Someone must've... said something." "I don't know anything about it." "Some kind of lie must've got around and this lie went round." "I thought people started being funny in that café." "Factory." "CouIdn't understand it." "Then one day... ..they took me to a hospital..." "right outside London." "They got me there." "I didn't want to go." "Tried to get out quite a few times." "It wasn't very easy." "They asked me questions in there." "They got me in and they asked me all sorts of questions." "well, I told them when they wanted to know what my thoughts were." "Then one day, this man," "..the head doctor, I suppose it was, he... he called me in." "He said..." "He told me I had something." "He said... they'd concluded their examination, that's what he said." "And he showed me a pile of papers and he said that I'd got something." "Some complaint." "He said..." "Just said that, you see." ""You've got this thing that's your complaint and we've decided," he said," ""that in your interests there's only one course we can take."" "He said "We're gonna do something to your brain."" "He said "If we don't, you'II be in here for the rest of your life."" ""But if we do, you stand a chance," he said," ""you can go out and live like the others."" ""What d'you want to do to my brain?" I said to him." "But he just repeated what he'd said." "well, I wasn't a fool." "I knew I was a minor." "I knew they couldn't do anything to me without getting permission." "I knew they had to get permission from my mother." "So I wrote to her and I told her what they were trying to do." "But she signed the form, you see, giving them permission." "I know that because he showed me her signature when I brought it up." "Well, about a week later," "..they started to come round and do this thing to the brain." "We were all supposed to have it done, in this ward." "They came round and did it one at a time, one a night." "They used to come round with these..." "I don't know what they were." "They looked like big pincers with wires on." "The wires were attached to a little machine." "It was electric." "They used to hold the man down." "And then this chief..." "this chief doctor," "..he would fit the pincers..." "something like earphones." "He used to fit them either side of the man's skull and keep them there." "There was a man holding the machine, you see." "He'd turn it on and then this chief," "..he'd press these pincers against the man's skull and keep them there." "Then they'd take 'em off, cover the man up... and they wouldn't touch him again until later on." "well, they were coming round to me." "The night they came, I got up off my bed and I stood against the wall." "They told me to get back on the bed." "I knew they had to get me back on the bed." "If they did it while I was standing up, they might break my spine." "So I stood up." "Then one or two of them came for me." "well, I was younger then." "Much stronger then than I am now." "I was quite strong then." "I laid one of them out." "I got another one round the throat and then suddenly this chief, he had these pincers on my skull." "And I knew they weren't supposed to do it while I was standing up and... ..that's why I..." "Anyway, he did it." "Though I did get out, I got out of the place." "But I couldn't walk very well." "I don't think my spine was damaged." "No, that was perfectly all right." "trouble was, I couldn't hear what people were saying." "I couldn't look to the right or the Ieft, I had to look straight ahead." "If I turned my head round, I couldn't keep upright." "And I had these headaches." "I used to sit in my room." "It was when I lived with my mother." "And my brother." "He was younger than me." "I laid everything out in order in my room, all the things that were mine." "But I didn't die." "Anyway," "I feel much better now." "But I don't talk to people now." "I steer clear of places like that café." "I don't go into them now." "I don't talk to anyone... ..like that." "I've often thought of going back and trying to find the man who did that to me." "But I want to do something first." "I want to build that shed out in the garden." "Jump in!" " You turned me over, mate." " Come on!" "Sitting comfortably, are you?" " Where are you going?" " I'm going to Sidcup." "No, sorry, can't do it." "The road'II be up on the A222." "That'II mean doubling back on the B2210." "It's all one-way down there, you see." "And we haven't got enough headroom for the humpback bridge." "Come and have a drink at my place sometime." "Listen to some Tchaikovsky." "Ta-ta." "See ya." "I mean you and me, we could get this place going!" "Yes, you're quite right." "Look what I couId do with this place." "I couId turn this place into a penthouse." "Or, for instance, this room." "This room you could have as your kitchen." "Right size," "..nice window, sun comes in." "I'd have teaI-bIue, copper and parchment linoleum squares." "I'd have them colours re-echoed in the walls." "I'd offset the kitchen units with charcoaI-grey worktops." "plenty of space for cupboards for the crockery." "I'd have a... a small wall cupboard, a Iarge wall cupboard... ..and a corner wall cupboard with revolving shelves." "You wouldn't be short of cupboards." "And a dining room you could have across the landing, see." "Venetian blinds on the window." "Yeah, Venetian blinds." "Cork floor, cork tiles." "You could have an off-white pile linen rug." "A table in afrormosia teak veneer." "Sideboard with matt-bIack drawers." "Curved chairs with cushioned seats." "Armchairs in oatmeal tweed." "Beech-frame settee with a woven sea-grass seat." "White-topped, heat-resistant coffee table." "White tile surround." "Oh, yes." "And a bedroom." "Now, what's a bedroom, eh?" "It's a retreat." "place to go for rest and peace." "Now, you want quiet decoration." "Lighting functional." "Furniture, mahogany and rosewood." "Deep azure-bIue carpet." "UngIazed bIue-and-white curtains." "Bedspread with a pattern of small blue roses on a white ground." "And a dressing table with a Iift-up top containing a plastic tray." "table lamp, white raffia." "It wouldn't be a flat, it wouId be a palace." "I'II say it wouId, man!" " A palace." " Who would live here?" "I would." "My brother and me." "well, wh... what about me?" "AII his stuff in here." "It's no good to anybody, it's a Iot of old iron, it's clobber." "You couldn't make a home out of this!" "There's no way you could arrange it." "It's junk!" "He couldn't sell it, he wouldn't get tuppence for it." "It's junk!" "But he don't seem to be interested in what I got in mind, that's his trouble." "Why don't you have a chat with him and see if he's interested?" " Me?" " Yeah, you're a friend of his." " He ain't no friend of mine." " You live in the same room as him." "He ain't no friend of mine." "No, what you wanna do is speak to him, see." "You want to tell him, tell him that we got ideas for this place." "We could get it started!" "." "I'd d... decorate it out..." "for you and..." "I'd..." "I'd give you a hand in..." "doing it... between us." "No, you're the one as wants to talk to him." "You're his brother." "Yes." "Maybe I will." "Where are you going?" "This is him!" "Pair of shoes." "Pick them up." "Try them." " Where's the laces?" " No laces." "I can't wear 'em without laces, can I?" "I just got the shoes." "well, now, look, this just about puts the tin lid on it, don't it?" "The only way to keep shoes on right, if... if you haven't got no laces, is to tighten the foot, see, walk about with a tight foot, see?" "well, that's no good to the foot." "That puts a bad... strain on it." "I might have some somewhere." "You see what I'm getting at?" "Yes." "Here's some." "These is brown." "It's all I've got." "The shoes... is black." "well, they can do until I get hold of another pair." " Stop it, will you?" "I can't sleep." " What?" "What?" " What's going on?" " You're making noises." "I'm an old man." "What do you expect me to do, stop breathing?" "What do you expect me to do?" "I tell you, mate, I'm not surprised they took you in." "Waking an old man in the middle of the night, you must be off your nut." "What do you want me to do, stop breathing?" "I've had just about enough of you mucking me about!" "Why'd you invite me in here if you was gonna treat me like this?" "I know enough." "They 'ad you inside one of them places before, they could have you inside again!" "They can put them pincers on your head again, man." "They can have 'em on again, any time." "AII they need to do is get the word." "Carry you in there, boy." "They'd come here, pick you up and carry you in!" "They'd get ya fixed." "They'd put them pincers on your head again, man, they'd keep you fixed!" "They'd take one look at all this..." "junk I got to sleep with!" "They'd know you was a creamer!" "Ah, nobody messes me about for long." "You think I'm gonna do all your dirty work." "Think I'm gonna do all your dirty work?" "AII up and down them stairs?" "Just so's I can sleep in this lousy, filthy hole every night?" "Not me, boy." "Not for you, boy." "You don't know what you're doing, 'alf the time." "You're up the creek!" "You're 'alf off." "Whoever saw you slip me a few bob?" "Treated me like a bloody animal!" "I never been inside a nuthouse!" "Don't come nothing with me, boy." "I got this here." "I used it." "Don't come it with me." "I think... it's about time you found somewhere else." "I don't think we're hitting it off." "Find somewhere else?" "Me?" "Not me, man, you!" "You'd better find somewhere else." "I live here." "You don't." "Don't I?" "well, I Iive here, I've been offered a job here." "Yes." "But I don't think you're really suitable." "Not... suitable, eh?" "well, Iet me tell you, there's someone here thinks I am suitable." "Get it?" "Your brother." "He's told me, see, he's told me the job is mine." "I'm gonna be his... caretaker." "Look..." "If I give you a few bob, you can get down to Sidcup." "You build your shed first." "A few bob." "When I can pick up a steady wage here!" "You build your stinking shed first, that's what." "Don't come too near!" "That's not a stinking shed." "You've no reason to call that shed stinking." "You stink." " What?" " You've been stinking the place out." " Christ!" "You say that to me?" " That's one reason I can't sleep." "You call me that!" "You call me stinking!" "You'd better go." "I'II stink you!" "I'II... stink you." "Get your stuff." "You're..." "You're not right." "Hey, leave that alone!" "That's mine!" "You wait." "I've been offered a job here." "You wait." "Your brother, he'II sort you out." "If you call me that..." "You... call me... that." "Nobody... ain't..." "ain't never called me that." "You ain't heard the Iast of this." "You'II be sorry you called me that." "Now I know who I can trust." "Stink!" "That's what he said to me!" "That's what he said to me." " You don't stink." " No, sir." "If you stank, I'd be the first one to tell you." "I told him, I said to him." "I told him you'd be coming along to sort him out." "I don't know what he's started, saying... s... saying that to me." ""You ain't heard the Iast of this, man," I said." "I said to him, I said to him "Your brother'II be along!"" ""He's got sense." "Not like you."" "What d'you mean?" "Are you saying my brother hasn't got any sense?" "What?" "well, what I mean, I..." "I take orders... from you." "Do my caretaking for you." "You look upon me as a..." "You don't treat me like a lump of dirt!" " well..." " Mind if I finish my tea first?" " He's not here." " No." "Maybe he's down there." "Where can the bastard be?" "Hey, look at that!" " Look here, I've been thinking." " What?" "As things stand, I don't mind having a go at doing up the place." "That's what I wanted to 'ear!" " You'd better be as good as you say." " What do you mean?" "You say you're an interior decorator." "You'd better be a good one." " A what?" " "A what?"." "A decorator." "An interior decorator." "What d'you mean?" "I..." "I never done that." "Never touched that." " You never what?" " No, not me, man." "I'm not interior decorator." "I've been too busy." "Too many..." "other things to do, you see." "I thought you said you were one." "Now, wait a minute, wait a minute." "You got the wrong man." "Oh, how could I have the wrong man?" "You're the only man I've spoken to about my dreams, my deepest wishes." "You're the only man I've told." "I only told you because I understood you to be a first-cIass, professional, experienced interior and exterior decorator." " Now, look here..." " You wouldn't know how to fit teaI-bIue, copper and parchment linoleum squares?" "And have them colours re-echoed in the walls?" "Look here..." "You wouldn't you know how to decorate a table in afrormosia teak veneer, armchairs in oatmeal tweed and a beech-frame settee with a sea-grass seat?" " I never said that!" " I was under a false impression." " I never said it!" " You're a bloody impostor, mate." " Don't start calling me names!" " What is your name?" " Now don't start that." " No, your real name." " Me real name's Davies." " What's the name you go under?" " Jenkins." " Two names?" "What about the rest?" "Why'd you give me all this dirt about you being an interior decorator?" "I never told you nothing!" "It was your brother 'as told you." "He'd tell you anything, out of spite." "He's nutty." "He's halfway gone, he'd tell you anything!" "It was him 'as told you." "What did you call my brother?" " When?" " He's what?" " Now get this straight." " Nutty?" "Who's nutty?" "Did you call my brother nutty, eh?" "My brother." "well, now, that's..." "That's a bit of an impertinent thing to say, isn't it?" "But he says so himself!" "What a strange man you are." "You're really strange." "Ever since you come into this house there's been nothing but trouble." "Honest." "I can take nothing you say at face value." "Every word you speak is open to any number of different interpretations." "Most of what you say is lies." "You're violent, you're erratic, you're just completely unpredictable." "In fact, when it comes down to it, you're nothing but a wild animal." "You're an old barbarian!" "To put the tin lid on it, you stink from arsehoIe to breakfast time." "well, look at it!" "You come here, recommending yourself as an interior decorator, whereupon I take you on." "And what happens, eh?" "You make a Iong speech about all them references you got at Sidcup." "And what happens?" "I haven't noticed you going to Sidcup to obtain them." "It's all most regrettable, but it really does look as though I'm compelled to pay you off for your caretaking work." "There's 'alf a dollar." "AII right, then." "You do that." "You do it." "If that's what you want." "That's what I want!" "Anyone'd think that this house was all I got to worry about." "I got plenty of other things I can worry about." "I got other interests!" "I've got my business to build up, haven't I?" "I've got a thing about expanding in all directions." "I don't stand still." "I'm moving about all the time!" "I'm on the move all the time!" "I got to think about the future!" "I don't worry about this house!" "My brother can worry about it." "He can decorate it up, he can do what he likes with it, I'm not bothered." "I thought I was doing him a favour, letting him live here." "He's got his own ideas, Iet him have 'em." "I'm going to chuck it in." "Just come back for... ..for my pipe." "Yes!" "I go out and halfway down" "I suddenly realised that I hadn't got me pipe so I come back to get it." "So I thought I'd..." "nip back for it, Iike." "Listen, you didn't mean that..." "Did you?" "About me stinking?" "Look, I been thinking." "Why I made all them noises," "It was because of the draught." "See, the... the draught was on me as I lay sleeping." "It made me make them noises without me knowing it." "So..." "What I've been thinking, what I mean to say, if I was to have your bed, you have my bed." "There's not all that difference between 'em, they're the... the same sort of bed." "well, you sleep wherever bed you're in and I'd be out of the draught, you see, that'd be all right." "well, you don't mind a bit of wind, you Iike a bit of air." "So I reckon that'd be the best way out of it, we swap beds, then we could get on with what we were saying." "I'd look after the place for you, keep an eye on it for you." "I'd caretake for you." "For you, Iike, not for the... not for the other, not for your brother." "For you." "I'd be your man." "You say the word." "No, I like sleeping in this bed." "But you don't understand my meaning!" "Anyway, that one's my brother's bed." "But your brother's gone!" "He's gone!" "No, I couldn't change beds." "But you don't understand my meaning!" "Anyway, I'm going to be busy." "I've got that shed to get up." "If I don't get it up now, it'II never go up." "till it's up, I can't get started." "well, I'd give you 'and to put up your shed!" "That's what I'II do!" "You see what I'm saying?" "I can get it up myself." "But listen, I'm here!" "I'm with ya!" "I'II do it for ya!" "We'II do it together." "Christ, we'II change beds!" "Look here, listen, man, I don't mind." "I..." "If you don't wanna swap beds, all right, we'II keep it as it is." "I'II stay in the same bed." "If I couId get, maybe, a bit of stronger sacking, Iike, to go over that window." "Keep out the draught." "That'II do it." "well, what do you say?" "We'II keep it as it is." "No." "Why not?" "You make too much noise." "Look here!" "Listen!" "Listen here!" "I mean..." "What am I going to do?" "What'II I do?" "Where am I going to go?" "AII right." "If you want me to go, I'II go." "You say the word." "Just say the word." "Listen!" "If I couId get down to..." "If I couId get 'old of me papers, would you..." "would you let me..." "If I got down" "and got my..."