"(SPEAKING TAGALOG)" "(SPEAKING CANTONESE)" "(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)" ""Flash, the freighter, Star of Capetown," ""was sunk today off the north coast of Africa by a mysterious explosion." ""All hands accounted for" ""with the exception of two unidentified stowaways."" "Look at us." "Two on a raft, sunny-side up." ""I'll tell you how to get home," you said." ""We'll stow away," you said." ""No, sir," I said." ""Don't be a sap," you said." ""No, sir," I said." ""We're stowing away, and that's that," you said." ""No, sir," I said." "Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak." "What a brilliant conversationalist you are!" "I took one look at that crate and knew it would blow up in our faces." "Wait till they find out who was smokin' in the powder room." "Never mind that now." "Look at us." "Food gone, water gone." "Hey!" "What's that bulge in your pocket?" "Oh, that's..." "Yeah, that." "That there." "It's just an old tobacco pouch." "It's..." "Tobacco pouch?" "When did you start smokin' a pipe?" "I..." "Ever since this morning." "Cigarettes make me nervous." "Oh, this morning?" "You just went down to the store and got yourself a meerschaum and some tobacco?" "Yes, I did." "You notice..." "That's clever." "Come on, come on." "Dig, dig." "Hand it over here." "Let's see." "Come on, reach." "Oh!" "I forgot." "Surprised, huh?" "I figure two of 'em for one of us is better than one of 'em for two of us." "Yeah." "Here, you can spit your teeth in there." "Just dunk it lightly." "Well, Junior, we gotta face it." "We may be days, and days, and days, without seeing a ship or land." "We're gonna get hungry, mighty hungry." "What do you mean "get hungry"?" "We'll toss a coin." "What's the date?" "Hea... 1910!" "Pretty close." "1911." "Well, that's the way it goes." "Somebody loses, somebody wins." "Okay, so you win the nickel!" "See if you can find any white meat on that buffalo." "I got a TL for you." "We tossed for something much deeper than that." "(CHUCKLES)" "I remember a story once about two fellows like us." "Castaways." "They tossed a coin, too." "Uh-huh." "They figured there's no use both of them starving." "Well, naturally." "The fellow who survived used to tell his grandchildren about his pal's sacrifice." "Hey, that's very..." "Wait a minute." "What pal's sacrifice?" "I don't know, though." "You should've eaten more oatmeal when you were a kid." "You're kind of scrawny." "No firmness there." "I don't think you'd do me more than a week, and there's no icebox aboard." "Jeff, Jeff, you're losing your buttons." "You mean, you'd eat me, without vegetables?" "Calm down, now." "Calm down, Junior." "I'm not gonna do anything right away." "I might not do anything for a week or so." "Not until I get desperate." "(STAMMERS) Oh, Jeff!" "You wouldn't like me." "Once I bit my tongue and I tasted awful." "Help!" "Jeff, don't..." "Turkey, look!" "Look, am I seeing things?" "What?" "Look here." "What is that over there?" "Land!" "Land!" "(EXCLAIMING) We're saved!" "We're saved!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "A submarine!" "Hey!" "Man the pumps!" "Man the pumps!" "Last stop!" "Got a stone in my shoe." "Hey, wait a minute!" "A fine pal." "All I hope is that Aunt Lucy's lookin' down from above and seein' the way you're treating me lately." "You gonna start stuffing that Aunt Lucy down my throat again?" "Yeah, well, never mind." "She saw you tossin' that coin and lickin' your chops." "You're certainly sloughing off your promise to her." "Aunt Lucy." "I can see her now lying on her dying bed lookin' at you with those big, trusting eyes." ""Before I go, Jeff, promise me one thing," she said." ""Promise me you'll always be a friend to little Orville," she said." ""No matter what happens, you'll never leave the little jerk," she said." ""Promise me, Jeff." "Promise me," she said." "Yeah, then she up and died before I had a chance to say no." "(SHUSHING)" "Who you shushing?" "What's the matter?" "I hope she didn't hear." "The dead have a way of comin' back, you know." "Get out." "When they're dead, they're dead." "Not Aunt Lucy." "She was a Republican." "Okay, Junior, I'm sorry." "I guess I shouldn't have said that." "All right." "You know how I feel about you." "I guess in my own way I sort of love you." "All right, but you don't have to slobber all over me." "I guess I kind of love you, too." "Yeah." "Now wait a minute, Junior." "Stop kissing me." "What are you talkin' about?" "I didn't..." "You did, too!" "Look, are you crazy?" "I don't mind being kissed, but this is ridiculous." "There, you did it again." "I did not." "You didn't?" "No." "Well, I felt something." "Something like a wet paint brush." "You did?" "I did, too." "I thought it was you." "And I thought it was you." "(LEAVES RUSTLING)" "You see!" "Aunt Lucy's come back." "You did it with all that disrespectful talk." "Aunt Lucy!" "(BAYING)" "What's that?" "What?" "What's the matter?" "You yellow?" "It's only a kangaroo." "Yeah." "What're you gettin' scared for?" "Let's take a ride." "This is probably... (SPITS) Oh!" "(LAUGHING)" "Good girl." "Good girl." "You think we got enough gas?" "I got her carburetor cut down to nothin'." "Where do you suppose we are?" "This must be the place where they empty all the old hourglasses." "I think this is what's left after I clean my spinach." "Hey, look!" "ORVILLE:" "Could've thought of another way to get us here." "Here we go again, Junior." "* We're off on the road to Morocco" "* This taxi is tough on the spine" "Beats the bus, huh, Junior?" "Oh, beats me." "* Where we're goin'?" "* Why we're goin'?" "* How can we be sure?" "* I'll lay you 8-5 that we meet Dorothy Lamour" "(BOTH EXCLAIMING)" "* Off on the road to Morocco" "* Hang on till the end of the line" "* I hear this country's where they do" "* The dance of the seven veils" "* We'd tell you more but we would have Shh!" "* The censor on our tails" "* We certainly do get around" "* Like Webster's Dictionary" "* We're Morocco bound" "* We're off on the road to Morocco" "Look out!" "Well, clear the way!" "'Cause here we come." "* The men eat fire, sleep on nails" "* And saw their wives in half" "* It seems to me there should be easier ways to get a laugh" "* We're off on the road to Morocco" "* And somewhere I feel kind of numb" "* For any villains we may meet we haven't any fear" "* Paramount will protect us 'cause we're signed for five more years" "* We certainly do get around" "Like a complete set of Shakespeare that you buy in the corner drugstore for $1.98." "* We're Morocco bound" "Or like a volume of Omar Khayyam that you buy at a department store at Christmastime for your cousin Julia." "* We're Morocco bound" "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "Wonder if you can get a handout in this burg?" "Boy, I'm starved." "If that guy wasn't lookin', I'd eat a rug." "Plain?" "(RIFLES FIRING)" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "(RIFLES FIRING)" "Orville, where are you?" "Right over here, behind these goose pimples." "Reckon there's been some sort of shooting' ruckus down at the Buckeye Saloon, huh?" "Hey, I ain't lookin' for trouble, partner, but if trouble comes looking' for me, I'm gonna be mighty hard to find." "(SPITS)" "Say, fuzzy..." "Huh?" "Who is that headstrong, impetuous boy?" "He is Mullay Kasim, the desert sheik." "What'd he come to town for?" "A manicure?" "He loves the Princess Shalmar of Karameesh." "He has come here to ask her to marry him." "I'd hate to be around when he comes for a divorce!" "You short of blades?" "(EXCLAIMS)" "It's a strange country, buster." "It's a strange country." "Yeah." "Well, not too strange." "It's food we're after." "That's what I say, food." "Yes." "Remember?" "Food." "No, thanks, we ate four days ago." "I wish I had my drool cup with me." "(MAN LAUGHING)" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Allah be praised." "Allah be praised." "Allah be praised." "(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)" "Oh!" "Allah be praised." "What is this?" "Free cold cuts!" "Everything on the house." "Well, what are we waiting for?" "Shangri-La." "Allah be praised, brother." "We'll get loaded." "This is living!" "Hey, what's the idea?" "The other fellow did it." "Why can't he?" "Allah has seen fit to dim the light of his wisdom." "To us, such unfortunate ones are sacred." "Oh!" "Well, I don't think that's..." "Shh!" "Hey, what's the matter?" "What are you doing?" "What are you lookin' at me like that for?" "Turkey, from now on, you're sacred." "What do you mean, sacred?" "You just became a full-blooded American idiot." "No, you do it." "Who's gonna believe I'm an idiot?" "Well, will you look at the head start you got?" "Now, all you gotta do is go into a shop, put on that silly look, and talk like this." "Now watch." "(LISPING) I'll take some of those, some of these and some of those." "Let me have that slow." "Like this." "I'll take some of these, and give me a few of them there..." "You feel all right, daddy?" "Let me hear you do it now, come on." "(LISPING) I'll take some of those, and some of those over there." "That's great." "That's great." "That's wonderful." "The first shop we go into, the guy'll load us up and throw in his daughter." "Come on." "His daughter?" "Yes." "(LISPING) I'll take some of those and some of those, too." "Don't over-train." "Save it." "Give me some of those over there and you want some, too?" "Okay." "(LISPING) What can I do for you, gentlemen?" "Go, ahead." "Tell him, Junior." "(LISPING) I want some of those and some of those and some of those... (LISPING) Hey!" "Are you making fun of me?" "Oh, no, I always talk like this." "Oh, you do, huh?" "Well, why do you?" "Oh, because I can't help it." "I'm an idiot." "I'm sacred." "(LAUGHS)" "So you're saying I'm an idiot, too?" "Oh, if you think you're an idiot I'm not gonna argue with you..." "What's that?" "(MUMBLING)" "(LISPING) Okay, I'll take some of those, and some of those, and some of those..." "(LISPING) Well, what do you think of that?" "(STOPS LISPING) How do you like that?" "Jeff, Jeff!" "Mother told me there'd be moments like this." "I wonder how she knew." "Hey, Turkey." "Where've you been?" "I've been lookin' everywhere for you." "Do it some more." "What's the matter with you?" "Do it some more." "Kiss it again." "What'd the guy hit you with?" "A piano?" "Hey, come on." "Snap out of it." "Hey!" "It's a strange country." "A minute ago she came along in a gold box, fellows carrying it with sticks." "She took my hand, kissed my fingertips, my knuckles, my wrist." "My toes are still braided." "Oh, it was wonderful." "Do it some more." "Hey, hey." "Come on, now." "You're delirious." "You need something in your stomach." "Come on, boy." "You'll be all right." "Come on, boy." "Here we go." "(YELLING IN ARABIC)" "Hey, how do you figure on paying for all this?" "What?" "Are you scared?" "You got red blood, ain't you?" "Yeah, but I don't wanna get it all over strangers." "Go ahead." "Eat up." "Eat up, son." "I'll think of something." "These guys don't monkey around." "They got knives." "They're liable to try and get the food back the hard way." "You have already eaten to the amount of 230 kolacs." "You have money to pay, yes?" "Yeah." "Yeah, we'll pay." "But we're still eating." "Put it on separate checks, too." "Oh, and bring us a couple of more portions of those jellied-turtle eggs." "Yes, and the turtle that laid them." "Bring her in." "And don't be afraid to spread a lot of pixie dust, double layer." "You have already eaten six portions." "Well, can we help it if we're turtle-egg fiends?" "First chance we get, we better dash for the nearest exit." "Yeah, but how about that guy's knife?" "We're gonna look silly stumbling out of here on a set of stumps." "Have a nut burger and forget about it." "I can hardly wait for the dessert." "(CHUCKLES) What are we having?" "Say, what do you usually tip?" "Ten percent?" "Let's not spoil him." "Go ahead, buster." "Blubber wants to talk to you." "I think I better..." "I'd better go, huh?" "If he gets tough, don't worry about a thing," "I'll be right here under the table." "Buy a rug for me." "(INAUDIBLE)" "(EXCLAIMING)" "Garcon!" "Who is that?" "The local bookmaker?" "Here's 287 kolacs for the little snack and five for you." "Get yourself a facial, huh?" "Well, come, come." "Let little Orville in on this deal." "How'd you get the spinach, old boy?" "There's a funny thing." "A guy I've never seen before in my life gives me 2,500 kolacs." "That's 200 federal diplomas." "Are you listening?" "Two hundred skins?" "Why, what for?" "I sold him something." "Well, you've got nothing to sell." "We've already hocked your pivot tooth." "Well, it wasn't much but it was all I had, and was he anxious to get it." "What did you sell him?" "Look, Orville," "I want you to keep very calm now." "And don't get excited." "What did you sell him?" "You." "Oh, well, for a minute, I..." "Huh?" "Me!" "Wait a minute." "Get that guy and give him those fish back!" "What's the matter with you?" "You can't sell me." "I'm not a horse." "It's just the way I comb my hair." "I know, Orville." "You and I know you're not a horse." "But these people are peculiar around here." "What are you talking about?" "Are you going nuts?" "Why would a guy buy a guy?" "I don't know." "I don't know." "They buy anything." "Any old junk." "But you can't do that to me." "You can't sell me." "You don't own me." "Oh, no, not now." "No." "He does." "Why would he buy me?" "What does he want me for?" "I didn't ask him." "Wait a minute?" "You sold me to a zombie like that, and you don't even know what he wants me for?" "You've got to be careful, Turkey, when you're dickering with these people." "You gotta knock 'em off while they're hot." "Do you know why they buy guys in a country like this?" "For slaves!" "They hit you with whips, they put you to picking' cotton, they beat you, and they beat you..." "Wait." "They don't pick cotton here." "Well, they beat you for whatever they're pickin'." "I know, I saw Uncle Tom's Cabin twice." "Now, look, will you relax a minute?" "I've got this thing all figured out." "See, I've got plans." "But I..." "I've got the guy's address and I'm gonna get you back." "And when I do, we'll be where we are now, only 200 bucks ahead." "What's that, nothing?" "Well, that's something." "It might work out." "And a 100 of that is mine." "That's what I'm telling you." "Well, come on." "Put me in the higher brackets." "There's no use giving it to you now." "If anything goes wrong, with the plans, why, the money'd be wasted." "If anything goes wrong?" "Yeah." "Well, I'm gettin' out of here." "See, you might have sold me, see, but you're not gonna deliver me, see, because I'm not gonna be here, see." "Wait, wait, wait." "No, sir, see." "I don't have to deliver you." "They're coming to pick you up." "Coming to..." "What?" "Pick me up?" "Well, who do you think you're playing with, children?" "You're talking to Turkey, the man with the muscles." "I..." "Wait a minute." "Turn the lights on." "Wait a minute." "What's going on here?" "Wait just a second." "Aunt Lucy!" "Aunt Lucy!" "The least you could do is wrap me as a gift." "Geoffrey." "Geoffrey!" "Huh?" "What do you want?" "You're a naughty, naughty boy." "You shouldn't have done that wicked thing to little Orville." "You must find him, Geoffrey, you must find him at once and bring him back." "Oh, I'm so distressed." "Well, I didn't know, Aunt Lucy." "Honest, I didn't." "The fellow I sold him to was only a jobber and he resold him later at a profit." "He wouldn't tell me to who." ""To whom," Geoffrey, "To whom."" "Yes, ma'am, to whom." "But I still don't know where he is." "Well, you've got to find him, Geoffrey." "Little Orville needs you." "Well, what can I do, Aunt Lucy?" "I've been looking for him for a week." "Geoffrey, you remember that song you used to sing?" "The one Orville loved?" "Which song was that, Aunt Lucy?" "Oh, you know." "* Ho-ho-hum, you hear me shouting'?" "* Ho-ho-hum, zoot?" "You remember." "Well, go through the streets singing that song." "And little Turkey..." "I mean, Orville, will hear you and reveal himself." "It might work." "It might work at that." "But look, Aunt Lucy, you being up there and all, you must see everything." "Gee, you could save me a lot of trouble if you just tell me where he is." "Oh, I'm not supposed to, Geoffrey." "It's against the rules." "Oh, come on, Aunt Lucy." "(STAMMERS) Gee, I won't crack to nobody." "Well, if you go to the marketplace, then head east about 200 paces, you'll come to..." "Oh, I can't talk to you anymore now, Geoffrey." "Here comes Mr. Jordan!" "Aunt Lucy!" "Aunt Lucy!" "* Ain't got a dime to my name" "* What a terrible shame" "* Ho-hum" "* Ho-ho-hum" "* Just found a hole in my shoe" "* And my stockin' shows through" "* Ho-hum" "* Ho-ho-hum" "* I know that when you're as free as a bird in a tree" "* Life is a wonderful whim" "* Look at the crank with his dough in the bank" "* Don't you feel sorry for him?" "* Rollin' along at a loss" "* Never gathering' moss" "* Ho-hum" "* Ho-ho, ho-ho-hum" "* Take it" "* I'm no terrific success" "* I ought to worry I guess" "* Ho-hum" "* Whoa-ho ho-hum" "* I like a shady old tree" "* What's the matter with me?" "* Ho-hum" "(THUNDER CLAPPING)" "* Ho-ho-ho-ho ho-hum" "* There's nothin' quite as grotesque" "* As a man at a desk" "* Lookin' outside at the sun" "* Shirts made of silk and a diet of milk" "* Maybe he thinks he has fun" "* I've got the vagabond itch" "* Guess I'll never get rich" "* Ho-hum" "* Ho-ho-ho-ho ho-ho-ho-ho" "* Ho-ho-ho-ho..." "Hmm." ""Dear Jeff, flee for your life before it is too late." ""You can't do anything for me now." "If you stick around," ""you will get us both into trouble, maybe killed." ""Leave the country and forget you ever knew me." ""Say nothin' to nobody about this." "Flee!" "Flee!" ""Respectfully yours, Turkey Jackson." ""P.S. I am being tortured day and night." "Flea!"" ""Flea," F-L-E-A." "That's Turkey, all right." "Don't worry, old boy." "I won't let you down." "I'll get you out, all right." "SHALMAR:" "* Constantly" "* I look for you" "* No day or two" "* But constantly" "* Constantly" "* I wished you near" "* And now you're here" "* So close to me" "* And it isn't magic" "* And you do exist" "* For after all" "* I know when I've been kissed" "* And you are meant to be" "* My heart's delight" "* Not just tonight" "* But constantly" "* Constantly" "* I looked for you" "* No day or two" "* But constantly" "* Constantly" "* I wished you near" "* And now you're here" "* So close to me" "* And it isn't magic" "* And you do exist" "* For after all" "* I know when I've been kissed" "* And you were meant to be" "* My heart's delight" "* Not just tonight" "* But constantly" "Well, that's pretty good." "What kind of an animated esquire is this?" ""Leave the country." "Forget you ever knew me," he says." ""Flea," he says." ""Say nothing to nobody about this," he says." ""Flea," he says." "Why, you dirty, double-crossing hoarder, you!" "(WOMEN SCREAMING)" "Turkey, this is me, Jeff, your friend." "Say something." "Turkey?" "Oh, the fellow is mad." "Take him away." "Toss him to the crocodiles." "Hey, he's my friend, I tell you." "Tell them who I am, Turkey." "He's just jokin'." "Let me go." "SHALMAR:" "Wait." "Do you know this man?" "Why, I never saw him before in all my life." "(CHUCKLES)" "Why, you dirty, underhanded sickle-snoot!" "We were kids together in the same class for years until I got promoted." "Bah!" "Let him go." "Leave, all of you." "You stay." "ORVILLE:" "Oh, but, hon!" "Come." "Sit here beside me." "(CHUCKLES) Well..." "Now, Orville, I want you to tell me the truth." "Do you know him?" "Well, I used to, but I kinda outgrew him." "I don't daily much with riffraff these days, and he's a pretty raffy kind of a riff." "Yeah." "What..." "Why didn't you tell me you had a friend in Karameesh?" "And such a friend." "Oh, so you didn't tell her about me, huh?" "Well, I didn't want to dicker too much." "It might've queered the deal." "This kid can't handle competition." "You can understand why, can't you, ma'am?" "Yes, I can." "Here we have a proverb." ""A goose is beautiful until it stands beside a peacock."" "(BOTH CHUCKLE)" "BOTH:" "Say, goose..." "What are you made up for anyhow?" "What is this?" "Ladies' night in a Turkish bath or something?" "What time do you light up, Jack?" "It might interest you to know, buster, that you're looking at the future prince of Karameesh." "Who?" "I'm gonna be a pasha, with the accent on the "pash."" "What?" "We're going to be married on..." "When is the big day, dream thing?" "When the moon, in its last quarter, silvers the blossoms of the almond tree." "That's Tuesday night, about 9:00." "Oh, drat!" "I shall be listening to Hobby Lobby." "Say, how can a dream like you go for a drip like this anyhow?" "It is written in the stars." "I've been counseled by Hyder Khan, the wise one, to take this man for my husband, and I must obey." "Yeah, well, all I can say, old Hyder Khan must've been out of focus at the time." "Oh, is that so?" "Well, the nuptial knot's practically tied, see, and there's nothing you can do about it, see." "I'm her Heathcliff." "She bought me for 200 skins." "And it looks like I'm gonna get your money's worth." "She bought you?" "Where did she meet up with you?" "She's the dame I told you about in the gold box with the sticks." "Come on, baby." "Give your little princie a big kiss, king size." "Now kiss him on the nose." "See if you can straighten that out!" "Oh, my." "Well, this defeats me." "I gotta give you credit, though, Junior." "You certainly did all right for yourself." "To show you there's no hard feelings," "I'm gonna stick around for the wedding." "I'll even give you away." "Oh, now, just a second." "You've already given me away." "Just because I hit the jackpot, you wanna stick around and pick up the nickels, huh?" "Well, come on, blow before I press a button and have your head served up in a cup and a saucer." "Oh, wait a minute." "Quit shoving, or there'll be a roomful of teeth around here." "Now, listen, I'm talking nice to you, but you'd better get out of here before I forget that I'm the Prince." "Do that again." "He did it!" "Gentlemen, please." "What is your name?" "Geoffrey." "Geoffrey, I want you to stay here with us." "Well, I think I could be very happy here." "Oh, come on, honey." "Daddy's tired and it's getting near my bed time, and I have to catch up with my reading." "Good night, Geoffrey." "Good night." "Do it some more." "Do it some more." "Come on, bub, rub." "Why is the Princess going to marry you, Orville?" "She was to have married Mullay Kasim, the desert sheik." "Why has she changed her mind?" "Oh, I guess sheiks have gone out of style." "What the modern girl wants is a nice, reliable wolf." "Do it some more." "Do it some more." "I'll get you time-and-a-half for overtime." "There's something very strange about it all." "Something very, very strange." "Yeah, it's a strange country, baby." "Orville." "Huh?" "Listen." "If this were known, it would mean my death." "But in my heart, there is a great love for you." "You, too?" "Say, if this keeps up, I'll have to buy myself a scooter." "Is my love hopeless, or do you perhaps have some crumbs of affection for me?" "Oh, you know how a prince is." "I may set you up with a little hat shop or something." "What a racket!" "(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)" "We're trying a new shade, nightingale's blush." "Nightingale's blush, that's sweet." "You get a complete recondition and guaranteed job, and you'll still look like a warthog." "Come on, gals, get a breath of fresh air." "Go ahead, beat it." "Scat." "Just a second!" "I'm giving the orders around here." "Besides, she's only done nine toes." "Well, she can do the other three later." "Go on, I want to put him under the dryer." "Beat it." "You'll bring on the rash." "You'll spoil him." "Go on." "Beat it." "ORVILLE:" "Don't go far, girls." "I may need you." "Who are these Christmas tigers?" "Who are they yessin'?" "Well, the Princess' old man used to use this for a courtroom." "He never lost a case." "That's very nice." "That's nifty." "Now, look, puffy, I want to have a talk with you, man-to-man." "Yeah, who's gonna hold up your end?" "I'll see you in a couple weeks." "I have no time for riffraff." "You think you're pretty cute, don't you?" "Sending me that note they're torturing you night and day." "Get out of town." "There's nothin' I can do for you." "That's right." "There is nothing." "I can handle it all myself." "Now, look, buster, I want you to leave." "I know how you operate." "I don't want a best man." "You figure you'll move in, huh?" "You figure maybe you'll wind up the Prince." "Could be." "Could be." "Yeah, well, you're takin' a powder, see, and you're taking it right now." "That's gratitude, huh?" "That's nice." "You seem to be forgettin' that I'm the guy that sold you into all this." "Now you want to toss me out." "Oh, don't give me that!" "You thought you were selling me into picking' cotton with whips." "Yeah." "Hey, now, wait a minute." "Hey!" "Wait a minute." "Where do you think you're going?" "What's in there?" "Oh, it's nothing, just milady's boudoir." ""Milady's boudoir"?" "What are you doing going in there?" "It's a strange country, chum." "It's a strange country." "Oh, find my friend, Mr. Peters, a little corner to sleep in over at the snake house." "You big phony." "Go ahead, buster." "Get yourself a rattle to play with." "It's a nice parlay from you to the snake." "Cuddle with a cobra." "Happy fangs!" "Now wait a minute." "You can't do this to me!" "Bye, fellows." "JEFF:" "* Moonlight becomes you" "* It goes with your hair" "* You certainly know the right thing" "* To wear" "* Moonlight becomes you" "* I'm thrilled at the sight" "* And I could get so romantic" "* Tonight" "* You're all dressed up to go dreaming" "* Now don't tell me I'm wrong" "* And what a night to go dreaming" "* Mind if I tag along?" "* If I say I love you" "* I want you to know" "* It's not just because there's moonlight" "* Although" "* Moonlight becomes you so" "(INAUDIBLE)" "(WHISTLING MELODICALLY)" "* Moonlight becomes you" "(WHISTLING MELODICALLY)" "* What a beautiful view" "* Moonlight and you" "* You're all dressed up to go dreaming" "* Now don't tell me I'm wrong" "* And what a night to go dreaming" "* Mind if I tag along?" "* If I say I love you" "* I want you to know" "* It's not just because there's moonlight" "* Although" "* Moonlight becomes you so *" "(SNORING)" "Orville, Orville, wake up!" "Wake up!" "Okay, Ma, I'll get a job tomorrow." "No, no, no." "Wake up!" "Wake up!" "What's the matter?" "The Princess is unfaithful." "She cares nothing for you." "Look, I'll see you in the hat shop later." "No, listen!" "At this moment, she and your best friend are in each other's arms in the gardens below." "Yeah, well, I..." "What?" "Yes." "Look." "Why, the lowdown, filthy, double-crossing centipede!" "Trying to climb into my shoes and pull the roof in over his head!" "That's what he's trying to do!" "Why, the crawling lizard!" "I'll show him what a salami has gotta go through." "No, no, no." "Don't waste your anger upon them." "(GROWLS)" "Let us fly." "Let us fly together." "Okay, but let go of my landing gear." "You and I, thus, and thus..." "And thus will my love consume you." "(COUGHS)" "From manufacturer direct to consumer." "I go!" "Excuse me." "Beloved." "Beloved!" "Thus." "I... (BARKS)" "Say, let me ask you something, Princess." "Suppose you, sort of, put off this wedding for a little bit, and I, sort of, hung around a little bit, and you grew to like me a little bit, wouldn't that change things a little bit, huh?" "No, Geoffrey, it would not." "I like you now." "The more I get to like you, the more reason I will have to marry Orville." "You like me so you're gonna marry Orville." "Boy, that's a new kind of brush." "That is the way it must be." "There are many, many things you don't understand." "Later you will know." "Well, now, look, before you figure on getting hooked up to that chisel-chinned character," "I think there's a few things you ought to know about him." "Why, Geoffrey, what do you mean?" "Sit down a minute." "Just to give you an idea of what kind of a double-crossin' hoodlum he really is..." "Did you know..." "Oh, no." "It's too fantastic." "You'd never believe it." "SHALMAR:" "Go on, Geoffrey, what happened?" "JEFF:" "Well, we're broke, see, and he sells me, his best friend, for 200 bucks!" "Practically gives me away." "Did you know that?" "SHALMAR:" "I thought you sold him?" "That's the way he tells it." "There's two sides to everything, you know." "But that's impossible." "The men brought Orville to me." "Don't you see, they come to pick me up and get him by mistake." "But I don't understand..." "So you see, by rights, I should be in his spot." "You should be marrying me instead of him." "There's two sides to everything, you know." "Ow!" "Hey!" "What's the big idea?" "There's two sides to everything, you know." "(GUNS FIRING)" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "Princess!" "Princess, he's here." "Mullay Kasim, he's here!" "(ALL MUTTERING)" "Mullay Kasim, my lord." "Where is he this..." "This dog?" "Hold your anger, Kasim." "Wait until you've heard..." "I've already heard." "It's whispered throughout the land that on the very day set for our wedding, you're planning to marry this American!" "Is it true?" "Tell me." "Yes, Kasim, it is true." "But it is only because..." "Enough!" "Come, Ahmed Caspa." "Let us find this man." "Let us see the color of his liver." "Let us hang his filthy carcass for the jackals to nibble at!" "No, no, wait." "First you must hear the words of Hyder Khan, the wise one." "Hyder Khan?" "Very well, Shalmar." "Five more minutes does not matter in the life of a cockroach." "Come." "And it is here, written in the stars, O Lion of the Desert, that the first husband of the Princess Shalmar, will die a violent death within the week of the marriage." "What is that you say?" "It is also written that her second husband will be blessed with long life and happiness." "Now do you understand?" "The American, as my first husband, will die within the week." "Then, as the wise one said, I will be free to marry the man I love." "This is a great joke." "It'll be told and retold as long as men live in Karameesh." "First time I ever saw steam heat in print." "SHALMAR:" "Orville?" "Orville?" "Just when it was getting interesting." "Hello, hon." "Did you tell Geoffrey he's not to stay for the wedding?" "That we didn't want him here at all?" "Well, I just hinted at it." "I gave him a map and provisions for three months." "I can't understand why you don't like him." "I think he's one of the nicest men I've ever met." "Oh, he's a nice fellow, as nice fellows go and..." "Why don't he?" "Orville, there's something I must tell you." "You know, this is a very strange country." "Yeah." "Like you running into me and buying me like I was a potato." "And me baked ever since." "Ho-hum." "No, I mean we have very strange customs, very strange laws." "For the first week of a marriage, a man and wife live separately." "Yeah, well, every..." "Huh?" "It is a custom thousands of years old." "Oh, little customs, you make 'em, you break 'em, they come and they go." "Did I ever tell you about Prohibition?" "It has been so for thousands of years." "There can be no other way." "Oh, honey, don't take on so." "It's only a week." "Yes, only a week." "Oh, Orville, when I look at you and think of our marriage," "I can't help crying." "You're so young..." "Much, much too young." "Oh, you don't have to worry about me, baby." "I just read a book." "Oso Bucco, come here!" "When was this American born?" "I can't finish his tomb until I have the date." "I don't know, Ahmed." "We don't know what we're doing." "Another thing." "I tell you we're making his coffin too small." "I tried my wife in it this morning." "Her feet were hanging out." "What are we going to do?" "We're just guessing." "If we are not careful, we're going to do a sloppy job." "While the American is still alive, why don't we measure him?" "Oh, we couldn't do that!" "He would find out." "There are ways." "There are ways!" "Come on." "Right now I could use a hole in my head." "(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY)" "Could we disturb you, Master?" "Oh, sure, fellas, what do you want?" "If it is not too much trouble, we would like to measure you." "Yeah, what for?" "We are making something for you." "It's a surprise." "Oh!" "Something for the wedding." "No, Master." "This is for after the wedding." "Oh, sort of a male trousseau, huh?" "Yes, Master, sort of a male trousseau." "Well, all right, fellas." "Go ahead." "Measure away." "Thank you." "Thank you, Master." "It will be brief." "Waist, 34." "Waist, 34." "So, you know, the Princess kind of has an eye for beauty, so pretty me up." "Sew in plenty of muscles." "Make it zooty." "Do not worry, Master." "We will make you look even better than you do now." "Oh, thanks." "Chest normal, 41." "Chest normal, 41." "(INHALING)" "Chest expanded, 41." "Chest..." "Give me lots of room." "I like to spread out." "Now, perhaps the Master would lie down." "Oh, certainly." "5' 11" overall." "5' 11" overall." "Say, put a lot of padding in it, will you, fellas?" "I want it nice and comfortable." "I don't want anything stiff." "I assure you, Master." "It will be no stiffer than yourself." "Well, good day, Master." "Good day." "Good day." "Good day." "Oh, one question, Master." "What is the date of your birth?" "Birth?" "What do you want that for?" "What's that got to do with..." "It is for the record." "Oh!" "September 13th, 1913." "On a Friday." "Thank you, Master." "We must go now." "We have to carve it on... (BOTH EXCLAIMING)" "Carve it on?" "And what was that (EXCLAIMING) business?" "Orville?" "Orville?" "Those two men." "What were they doing here?" "Oh, they were measuring me for some sort of outfit." "Measuring you!" "Do you know who they are?" "Well, I guess, they're the royal dressmakers." "No, my beloved!" "No!" "They're royal undertakers." "Yeah, well, that..." "Huh?" "Yes!" "You mean, they were measuring me for a graveyard gabardine?" "Jeff!" "Jeff!" "Okay, there you are." "I've been looking everywhere for you." "I got to have a talk with you." "Now, look, Orvie, I've been doing a lot of thinking." "There's no use of you and I talking and arguing anymore." "I'm gonna beat it on out of here." "No." "That's it..." "You're not." "You don't have to." "Oh, I admit I tried to cut in on you." "I made a big play." "But, whatever you've got, that Shalmar's going through with it." "Now that's all been changed." "Huh?" "Well..." "I'm the guy that's shoving off." "I've been watching you two and you're just made for each other." "You look good together." "You're just the right size." "And, you're taking her." "See, I'm giving her to you." "Now, wait a minute." "What are you cooking up here?" "The last gal you gave me was that lady wrestler up at the St. Nicholas rink." "What's behind all this?" "Well, I got to thinking about the burying..." "I mean, the marrying, and I got a hunch it wouldn't last." "So, I got a feeling, in a week, I'd be cold." "And, besides, I got a girl." "I met mine." "I got her at the harem, right off the assembly line." "Nice model." "He's gonna fly with me." "My love will consume him thus..." "And thus, and thus..." "Aunt Lucy?" "(WHISTLING)" "You know, a girl can eat too much yeast." "But, my very own..." "Yeah, yeah, later." "You know, you gotta catch me when I'm in the mood for that sort of thing." "You ain't been out of it for 20 years." "Well, this is a whole new shuffle, huh?" "You two!" "Wait till Shalmar hears about this." "Oh, yeah, but it's not gonna be easy, you know." "It's gonna be a pretty tough assignment to get Shalmar to give me up." "That'll be a struggle." "But you can handle it, old boy, I'm sure." "After all, you've got everything I've got, and you've had it many years longer, too." "Yes, only, I got rid of mine." "Yeah, well, you..." "It's gonna just really tear the heart out of her to give you up, I guess." "But I'll catch her sort of on the rebound." "She might settle for me." "Yeah, well, that's the spirit and I'll be right behind you." "I'm gonna see you right through to the end, old pal." "I will leave no stone unturned." "My beloved!" "Why don't we fly right away?" "Look, honey, why don't you just fly around and warm your motor up?" "I'll join you later." "Orville?" "Orville." "Orville!" "Orville!" "Orville, this is disgraceful!" "Disgraceful!" "(TUTTING)" "(SHUSHING)" "Orville, I'm not gonna let you do this dreadful thing to Geoffrey." "(ORVILLE SHUSHING)" "Oh, you'll be the death of me yet." "(SHUSHING) Please, Aunt Lucy!" "You've got to talk to him, Orville." "You've got to tell him the truth." "But, I ain't doing nothing." "Look what he did to me!" "Orville, I insist." "If you don't tell him, I will." "But, you can't talk to him." "You're in my dream." "Oh, goodness, gracious me!" "That's right." "We're only allowed to be in one dream a week." "Mr. Jordan doesn't like us to go around pestering people." "Well, I can understand that." "I've got to make him hear me." "Geoffrey!" "Geoffrey!" "(ORVILLE SHUSHING)" "(SHOUTING) Geoffrey!" "(CONTINUES SHUSHING)" "Geoffrey!" "AUNT LUCY:" "(EXCLAIMING) Oh, oh!" "Take your hands off me!" "Stop it!" "No!" "Help!" "(AUNT LUCY WAILING)" "Guess that'll show her." "AUNT LUCY:" "Your feet are cold." "You see, Master." "Wings!" "And more than that, they have legs." "Insects!" "Fireflies!" "By the heavens, what are they doing in my telescope?" "I don't know." "I haven't cleaned the lenses for a week." "Dear, oh, dear!" "Oh, dear!" "I must have mistaken these fireflies for Jupiter and Venus." "Oh, yes, Master, you've certainly gummed up the works." "Indeed, I have." "My prophesies for the American's death were based on the fixed positions of Jupiter and Venus." "I don't know." "This just doesn't add up." "I want you, and you say you want me, and Orville says it's okay, and still you're gonna marry him." "I told you, Geoffrey." "It's something I can't explain." "Orville and I are going to be married and that's all I have to say." "Well, I've got something to say, too, see!" "We're not suited, see." "I'm not in love with you anymore." "I got another girl." "No more talk." "Go to your room and prepare for the wedding." "I just got one thing to tell you, Princess..." "I'm going to my room and prepare for the wedding." "Okay, fellas, who's got the dice?" "Boy, he's a pip, isn't he?" "Brushing off a dream like you." "Instead of a wedding, you'd think he was going to his own funeral." "Yes..." "Wouldn't you?" "Princess!" "Princess!" "Oh, mistress of my life, listen and be merciful." "I have made a calamitous error." "You must not marry that American." "You must marry Mullay Kasim!" "Mullay Kasim?" "Speak." "I must hear everything." "You see, my Princess, your life is influenced by the planets Jupiter and Venus, and so, it is my painful duty to tell you what I've learned." "You are indeed the favored one of Allah, O Master." "For to marry the Princess, most men in Karameesh would gladly die." "Yes." "Yes." "That's what's worrying me." "So you see, they turned out to be fireflies." "I was wrong about everything." "Geoffrey!" "Geoffrey, don't you see?" "Isn't it wonderful?" "Oh, yes, it's pretty good." "I mean, what's wonderful about it?" "It just means Turkey's back in circulation, and you get tied up to Mullay Kasim." "Mullay Kasim." "Oh, Geoffrey, you may feel strange about marrying a Princess, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to live it down." "You mean, me?" "You mean, you and me?" "Is that what you mean?" "Mmm-hmm." "Mistress!" "You see, Hyder Khan?" "You see what your fireflies have done?" "Oh, how about this!" "Wait till I break the news to doodlebug." "So, that's why little Orville was so anxious to hand you over to me, huh?" "I don't know how, but I think he got wind of this whole thing." "Well, don't say anything to him, Geoffrey." "Not just yet." "Don't you worry about me." "I'll handle him." "Yeah, you see, Shalmar and I had a little talk, Orville, and we've decided to accept your generous offer." "Generous offer." "What generous offer?" "You giving me to her." "She's decided to accept me." "The guys are working on the nuptial knots right now." "No kidding!" "That's right." "Boy, I knew you'd see it." "You two, what a pair!" "Hand-in-hand!" "Brother, you're gonna have the happiest week." "I mean, what a marriage!" "You're gonna be in clover!" "Yes, sir, deep in clover." "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "Have you told me all?" "Oh, Sheik." "I have told you what has befallen, trusting in your generosity to reward me." "Here." "You must hurry, O Mighty One!" "When I left the palace, the Princess and her consort were preparing to leave the country." "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "(SHOUTING IN ARABIC)" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "Hurry, hurry!" "There isn't too much time." "Hey, why don't you get some sense into your noggin, and just you and me blow?" "We're going to the United States to get hooked up, I tell you." "That's not gonna save your life." "That guy, Hyder Khan's got that jinx of his spread all over the world." "Oh, yeah?" "Let's see him mess around in Brooklyn." "(GUNS FIRING)" "Here comes Murder, Incorporated." "Call me later." "So, that is your plan!" "Running away with this dog." "I could show a dog a few things about running right now." "I'm not mixed-up in this at all." "I just work here." "I'm just tending the gardens." "I..." "My, these tulips need pruning." "Have one?" "You lie to Kasim?" "No, but it's a big switch now." "I gave her up." "I'm on your side." "I'm your friend." "They're ducking out on you, the dirty double-crossers!" "What do you think we ought to do with them?" "What is this?" "So, there's another one!" "That's nice going, Junior." "Remind me to throw you a piece of cheese in the morning." "Kasim, I must say..." "Silence!" "Who is this goat?" "This moon-faced son of a one-eyed donkey?" "I wouldn't let him call me that even if there is a resemblance." "Listen here, big boy." "Where do you come off cutting in here?" "Go on." "Go play cops and robbers someplace else!" "Beat it, scat, shoo!" "Go on, now you tell him." "Go ahead, slap his teeth out." "I'll hold your coat." "Well, I'll hold your coat, too." "Kasim, please." "Please!" "Quiet!" "You would dare oppose the will of Kasim?" "Oppose your will?" "I'll have you writing one if you mess with me, Jack!" "Now, you're talking." "Go ahead." "Take a poke at him." "We're not afraid of him." "Are you?" "Enough!" "You are coming with me." "Caspa, take one of the girls for yourself." "Now, just a minute here." "Okay, pal, I'm with you." "He says she's going with him." "Oh!" "She's going with him?" "He says she's going with him." "He make joke." "Funny boy." "* Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man!" "* Bake a cake as..." "Yes, sir, Junior!" "That thing sure got around." "Yeah, and back to us." "(KASIM YELLING IN ARABIC)" "Run!" "Run for your lives!" "(ALL CLAMORING)" "(SHOUTING IN ARABIC)" "This way!" "Come on, nipper, shake a slipper!" "Okay, lover, head for cover!" "Hurry!" "Hurry!" "Now, wait!" "You two girls hide in there, quick!" "Hurry up!" "No, no, no!" "Not you!" "We'll stay here and hold them off." "Yeah, we'll hold them off." "Who, us?" "Who are you kidding?" "Hold who off?" "Let's spread out." "Two of you, that way." "Search the tower!" "Search the palace!" "Two of you, in there." "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "KASIM:" "Come on, now!" "Search, you dogs!" "Search!" "My white stallion to the man who brings me their heads." "Come on, now!" "They must learn what it means to incur the wrath of Mullay Kasim." "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "They're not in here." "There's no trace of them." "Searched everywhere." "Highness, we cannot find them in here." "KASIM:" "They cannot be far." "We must find them and slit their throats." "GUARD:" "Yes, Your Highness!" "They shall die slowly." "Their tongues shall be ripped out!" "Their ears shall be sliced off and dried on sticks." "(MEN SPEAKING ARABIC)" "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "Search the corridors!" "We'll find them if we have to tear down the palace!" "GUARD:" "Yes, Your Highness." "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "(MOUTHING)" "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "(SPUTTERING)" "(BLOWING)" "(SNEEZES)" "Call the men!" "KASIM:" "Stand up, you dog!" "Oh, you thought you'd slip through my fingers, huh?" "Caspa, after him!" "Get the horses ready!" "I was just going for a broom to sweep this stuff up, that's all." "Mullay Kasim will take care of you in the desert!" "(SHOUTING IN ARABIC)" "Aunt Lucy!" "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "(GRUNTING)" "(CONTINUES GRUNTING)" "I never thought I'd wind up in a camel's snood!" "A fine pal you are, letting me give her up!" "And all the time you knew you weren't gonna die!" "That's what's killing me." "You weren't gonna die!" "Yeah, well, give me credit." "That's pretty hard to do, beating you and the embalmer." "ORVILLE:" "I feel like the morning mail." "JEFF:" "RFD." "Look, they're leaving us!" "All alone out here in the desert." "There's no food, no water, no nothing!" "Well, come on." "Let's start the sack race." "Where do we go?" "Let's hop over the hill and see what's doing." "Must be a gas station somewhere around here." "Say, what are you still hopping for?" "We've been out of those nets all day." "I know, but I want to keep my watch going." "Say..." "How did we get loose with our hands and feet tied and everything?" "If we told anybody, they'd never believe it." "Oh!" "Let's not tell them, huh?" "(SHUSHING) Proceed." "See anything?" "Nothing." "Come on." "Courage, boy!" ""Courage," he says." "Look at that!" "You know what they are, don't you?" "They're buzzards!" "Yeah." "They're carrying finger bowls, too." "Fine way to end up, a box lunch for a bird." "Turkey, look!" "ORVILLE:" "Hey, what's a drive-in doing in the middle of the desert?" "I'm no quiz kid." "Come on, let's eat!" "Well, I'll force something." "Hey, toss us a couple of mugs of java!" "We got our own sugar." "Two tall double-dip hamburgers!" "Not too well done, please." "And a couple of mile-high beers!" "JEFF:" "Hey, it's moving!" "We better grab it." "ORVILLE:" "Hey, come back!" "Wait a minute!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "(BOTH PANTING)" "Hey, what's this "now you see it, now you don't" stuff?" "We might have known." "It's a mirage!" "It sure was a good one." "I could even smell the onions." "Come on!" "I'm getting out of here." "Yeah, me, too!" "(SHALMAR SINGING)" "* Moonlight becomes you" "Why, it's Shalmar!" "* It goes with your hair" "She must've been visiting a gopher friend." "* You certainly know the right thing to wear" "* Moonlight becomes you" "* I want you to know" "* It's not just because there's moonlight" "* Although, moonlight becomes you so" "(IN SHALMAR'S VOICE) * Moonlight becomes you" "* It goes with your hair" "* You certainly know the right thing to wear" "(IN JEFF'S VOICE) * Moonlight becomes you" "(IN ORVILLE'S VOICE) * I'm thrilled at the sight" "(IN JEFF'S VOICE) * And I could get so romantic tonight" "(SCATTING)" "(IN ORVILLE'S VOICE) * I'm all dressed up to go dreaming" "(IN SHALMAR'S VOICE) * Now don't tell me I'm wrong" "(IN ORVILLE'S VOICE) * And what a night to go dreaming" "(IN JEFF'S VOICE) * Mind if I tag along?" "* If I say I love you" "(IN SHALMAR'S VOICE) * I want you to know" "(IN SHALMAR'S VOICE) * It's not just because there's moonlight" "(IN SHALMAR'S VOICE) * I know" "ALL: (IN SHALMAR'S VOICE) * Moonlight becomes you so" "Shalmar needs a shave!" "Well, that's an omen." "We've gotta find the girls and save them from that wolf, Kasim." "Come on!" "I don't know, pal." "I don't know whether I can make it." "My legs feel like they're cut off near my Adam's apple." "I guess that kiss took too much out of you, huh?" "Yeah." "Come on." "Get aboard." "If I'm too heavy, I'll throw my hat away." "Yeah." "Leave your head in it, huh?" "Hey, come on!" "Look!" "Water!" "Water!" "Oh!" "Oh!" "(BOTH EXCLAIMING)" "This is a bit of all right!" "How about this!" "Well!" "What are you doing?" "My radiator's dry." "One thing about it, where there's water, there's life, people!" "All we gotta do is follow the stream." "Oh, there's a herring." "Come along, mister." "(EXCLAIMING)" "Come along!" "Come along!" "Come along!" "What do you make of it?" "I don't know." "We'd better take it easy until we find out just whose joint it is, huh?" "It might be a camel motel." "(ALL SHOUTING)" "Hey, those guys!" "Those are Mullay Kasim's gorillas!" "Yeah, and that joint must be their hideout, huh?" "Well, we gotta save the girls." "It's up to us now, Turkey." "We'll have to storm the place." "You storm." "I'll stay here and drizzle." "I got something that can't miss!" "So have they." "Guns!" "Now, look." "Now, listen to every word, see." "We don't have to wait for night, see." "We just go up on the place and we... (WHISPERING)" "There's no one." "I tell you, there were two men in the horse lines." "When they ran away, I shot at them." "Ah!" "You've been drinking koolash again!" "Do you think they know we're here?" "We're still wearing our heads, aren't we?" "That was the dopiest idea I've ever heard." "You thinking you could skin a horse and put me inside." "How would I look being a horse?" "BOTH:" "Just the same." "Look, we gotta get back to where we started from and wait till dark." "Let's go." "Okay." "(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)" "I think we just went through a red light." "I'd feel better if we had a periscope." "Will you trust me?" "Now, I've got a great sense of direction." "Go right." "You think we're still okay?" "Sure, sure." "We were headed due north." "North, huh?" "Yeah." "Don't look now, Junior, but I think we're standing on a rug." "It is those pigs!" "Orville!" "Geoffrey, Orville!" "Don't stand there!" "Hurry, run!" "Take them outside and bring me back their ears." "No, wait!" "There must be no shedding of blood on our wedding night." "Hey!" "Did you hear that?" ""Wedding."" "I stopped listening when he said, "blood."" "Lock them up!" "Look out!" "I just had this pressed!" "Let's not be vulgar, bully!" "A fine thing." "First you sell me for 200 bucks, then I'm gonna marry the Princess, then you cut in on me!" "Then we're carried off by a desert sheik, now we're gonna have our heads chopped off." "I know all that." "Yeah, but the people who came in the middle of the picture don't!" "You mean, they missed my song?" "Who's that?" "Who are they?" "That's the great sheik Neb Jolla and his men." "Friend of Kasim's?" "No, the enemy of Kasim." "For 10 years, they have been at war, but tonight, Kasim has invited him to his wedding as a token of peace." "But I do not trust either one of them." "Halt!" "You ought to take something for your throat." "What have you got there?" "I've brought food for these men." "They have not eaten." "It cannot matter when it is their last night to live." "Very well." "Give it to them through the window." "Any word from the governor?" "(SHUSHING)" "Now, listen carefully." "In this bowl there's a magic ring from the Princess." "With it, you can make three wishes." "Perhaps it will help us all to escape." "Oh, what good is a ring?" "Why didn't you bake us a cake with a file in it?" "(SHUSHING) The ring will not work for everybody." "If we are fortunate, it might work for you, Geoffrey." "Should it fail, lift the jewel and inside you will find poison, for two." "Here." "What is this talking?" "Go on, be gone!" "Goodbye, honey." "Don't forget to write." "Just send it to the Dead Letter Office." "Poison." "Three wishes." "All right, start the acka-muracas." "Come on, ring." "Oh, you ring." "Come on." "Get the four of us out of here." "Magic ring." "What does she think we are?" "A couple of chowderheads?" "No pictures, huh?" "Nothing." "Well, get the poison pills." "Let's get it over with, huh?" "Oh, in here, huh?" "There they are." "Yeah." "Close your eyes, pal, and I'll shoot you one of these concentrated mickeys." "Wait." "Wait." "What's the matter with me shooting them to you?" "Well, you don't want to fall and get a big knot on your head." "I gotta stay behind and hold you up." "No, no." "I'll stay behind and hold you up." "On me, huh?" "Yeah." "Don't let me fall too hard." "Oh, no." "Set the table, Aunt Lucy." "There'll be two more for dinner." "Boy, I sure wish I had a drink." "Junior!" "Junior, it worked!" "How about that?" "The magic ring, it worked on you." "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" "(CHATTERING)" "Jeff, I'm back!" "Jeff, I did it!" "I'm back!" "Boy!" "For a minute, I thought I only had a one-way ticket!" "Hey, hey!" "Cut it out!" "What am I doing, huh?" "You know, I think I liked you better the other way." "Yeah, well..." "Well, you've used up our last wish." "We'll never get out of here." "Oh, stop worrying." "I'll think of something." "That's what I'm afraid of." "What's going on here?" "Oh, nothing." "Say, did anybody ever escape from this jail?" "Once, about a year ago, two men got out." "Oh, yeah?" "Tell me, chum, how'd they do it?" "It was an accident." "To light a cigarette, I placed my rifle in the window like this." "Hello." "Oh, interesting." "And then what happened?" "One of the fellows reached through the window, grabbed the rifle and pointed it at me." "Oh, you mean, like this?" "Exactly!" "Except that he put it right up against my head." "You mean, like this." "Yes!" "Yes!" "What's wrong?" "Put them up!" "What?" "You heard me!" "Come on, give us those keys!" "Hurry, or we'll spread you." "Ahmed, we have done it again!" "(ALL CHEERING)" "(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)" "Say, I don't get this setup." "What's frying?" "I'm cooking up some small sabotage here." "We'll have them at one another's throats in no time." "A little internal dissension." "Oh, I get it." "Divide and conquer." "Brother against brother." "Yeah." "Sort of an Arabian Gestapo?" "You've got it, Tyrone." "Hasn't missed yet." "Then we grab the gals and cut out." "Here, hold this a minute, will you?" "Allez!" "What are you gonna do with that?" "Look and learn." "Hey, what are doing?" "Making reefers?" "This'll give them that lift." "I got a pip." "What now?" "Brilliant!" "Good boy." "Where's the dribble-glass?" "Here." "Slip them the drip, drip." "(ALL CHEERING)" "Psst!" "Psst!" "Neb Jolla, so great is my joy tonight that I wish to share it with you." "May our tribes live together in peace for 1,000 years!" "My hand on that, Kasim." "You are fortunate indeed to win the love of so beautiful a princess." "She cannot wait for my kisses upon her lips." "Can you, my dove?" "Kasim, you shall soon know how I feel about you." "There, you hear?" "Yeah." "(ALL EXCLAIMING)" "I drink to my friend who was my enemy, and to the eternal peace that has come between us." "(ALL CHEERING)" "I drink to that, and also to the beauty of my bride-to-be." "(KASIM'S MEN LAUGHING)" "My apologies, O Great Sheik." "It's an accident." "There must be a hole in the goblet." "Yes, I see there is!" "I trust you do not do this as a joke?" "Do you?" "No, my friend, my very dear friend!" "Happy Fourth of July." "(MUSICAL INSTRUMENT SQUEAKING)" "(KASIM'S MEN LAUGHING)" "(SQUEAKING)" "(MEN LAUGHING)" "Kasim, what is the meaning of this?" "What's going on here?" "My friend, I give you my assurances." "Eat, drink, music!" "Let us all be like brothers." "Do you bring us here to make fools of us?" "Do you?" "I tell you, this is no doing of mine." "Be of good faith." "There will be no more." "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "Kasim, when will these outrages cease?" "Neb Jolla, please, patience." "I humble myself at your feet in apology." "Come, come, sit down." "This is the screwiest picture I was ever in!" "(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)" "At the word from our master, for these insults, we would tear you to shreds!" "But, believe us." "We are as mystified as you." "We came here to eat, not to be mystified!" "NEB'S MAN:" "That's right." "Do not trust him." "His is an empty gesture of friendship." "(SCREAMING)" "Neb Jolla, I am at a loss to understand!" "Kasim, why do you persist on playing these pranks?" "KASIM'S AIDE:" "It's just as much a surprise to us, as it is to you." "Please forget about the whole thing." "Your Highness, I give you my assurance..." "I am trying to control myself, but my patience cannot last!" "Neb Jolla, I tell you... (SHOUTING)" "(SHOUTING IN ARABIC)" "I'm on fire!" "NEB:" "Water, water!" "I am on fire!" "Enough, enough!" "This is war!" "(SPEAKING ARABIC)" "Fire!" "Fire!" "This means war!" "(FIRING)" "(MEN SCREAMING)" "When I see how silly people behave," "I'm glad I'm a camel." "Oh, I'm glad you're a camel, too, Mabel!" "Hurry up!" "Let's go!" "Come on." "I'll race you!" "(SHIP HORN BLOWING)" "You know, this thing pinches me a little." "You got another one?" "Yeah." "It won't be long before we're seeing little old New York." "Three long years we've been waiting to get back." "Yep!" "I'm gonna grab a piece of the good old USA and eat it." "Something down around New Orleans." "You know, Geoffrey, I get the strangest feeling that we've been through all of this before." "Looks like I trapped you again." "And, get me!" "This time I'm bringing home the bacon, too." "And what a slab!" "Orville!" "Then the answer's yes?" "Yes, but don't think I'm marrying you for her money." "Why are you marrying me?" "I'll think of something." "Say, I want the Statue of Liberty to be proud of me, so I think I'll powder my nose." "I don't think it'll help." "* Moonlight becomes you" "* It goes with your hair" "(HUMMING)" "(SIGHING)" "I can't go on!" "No food, no water!" "It's all my fault." "We're done for." "It's got me!" "I can't stand it!" "No food, no nothing!" "No food, no water!" "No food!" "What's the matter with you, anyway?" "There's New York." "We'll be picked up in a few minutes!" "You had to open your big mouth and ruin the only good scene I got in the picture." "I might have won an Academy Award!"