"Everybody!" "The swimming pool!" "You gotta see what they did to the pool!" "Let's go check it out." "Come on, check it out." "Get out of the way." "What's up?" "Wow, you don't see this every day." "What the hell is this?" "That's my boat and my dog." "Who could have possibly...?" "l should have thought of this." "Dawson, while we do recognize your talent as a witty practical joker I think this is even out of your league." "Chester, come here." "Chester?" "Do you know that dog, Mr. McPhee?" "No." "Will the following students please report to Principal Peskin's office.:" "Jack McPhee Zach Estrin Dawson Leery Dave Bussan and Pacey Witter." "Process of elimination has made you one of the lucky three I still consider to be a suspect in this crime." "Now, there's an easy way to do this, Mr. Witter." "And there is a hard way." "Seeing as I have absolutely no idea what crime you' re referring to I' ll probably take the easy way." "Are you accusing me of something?" "You know you' re the last person I'd suspect for a stunt like this but you can understand why we'd have no choice but to bring you in." "Yeah, the dog fingered me." "We' re on your side, Pacey." "We gotta get to the bottom of this." "Circumstances require that we at least consider you as a possible suspect." "What circumstances would those be?" "Well, given that you' re my son, it follows that you would have access to my master keys to the school thereby placing you on a rather short list." "Mr. Witter, everyone in Capeside is aware of the sad fate of the late vessel, True Love which I believe gave you access to the storage facility in the Yacht Club where my boat resided at the time of its boatnapping, if you will." "Chester was taken sometime between 1 0:00 in the morning when Mrs. Peskin let him out, and noon, when she realized he was gone." "So all you have to do is tell us where you were and who you were with yesterday morning." "Jen!" "Jen, come on." "Jen, open the door." "Oh, I'm still asleep." "And this is a dream in which you' re heterosexual." "Yeah." "These are for Grams." "Can you open the door, please?" "I got something way better for you." "Really?" "Yes." "What could be better than a young lad bearing a floral arrangement?" "I talked to the guidance office." "That community service you have to do?" "Yeah." "l asked if it was possible to fulfil your commitment by assisting me with my soccer team." "And what'd they say?" "They said:" ""Providing that kind of guidance for a kid is exactly the kind of rehabilitating activity that your kind needs in order to.... in order to mend your evil ways."" "Jack, I'm more qualified to pick up trash than mould young minds." "Come on." "Look, I need you here." "Since Andie left, I'm barely getting by." "The soccer parents are completely unhelpful." "And if that weren't enough, my star goalie..." "...broke his leg yesterday." "Okay." "All right." "You sufficiently plucked my heartstrings. I' ll do it." "You' re a goddess." "Give these to Grams when she gets back from church." "Hey, I' ll be back at 1 2:45 sharp to pick you up." "Where are you going?" "I can make eggs." "I got to...." "l gotta meet Drue at the hardware store." "Why are you meeting Drue?" "Long story. lt's a karma thing." "I gotta run." "You say you didn't pull this stunt." "Fine." "Convince me." "Tell me everything." "Every single thing you did yesterday." "Yesterday." "Now let's see, where was I?" "Where was I?" "Oh, yes." "Right here." "Hey, Pace?" "You are a pushover." "You gave in." "No. I am not a pushover." "I just felt the need to explore my options." "Pacey, for years your brother's nagged you to spend a day with him observing police policies." "You've always told him to stick it." "You take some meaningless career-aptitude test and suddenly you' re watching Cop Rock and taking him up on his dubious offer." "Well, don't you think I'd look sexy in a uniform?" "Besides the point." "Oh, I don't think so at all." "Well, kiss me goodbye before I hit the rough and tumble asphalt jungle." "I' ll pray for you, sweetheart." "Hi, Doug." "Hey." "Take care of this punk for me, will you?" "See if you can't straighten him out." ""Straight" isn't a really big part of Doug's vocabulary." "Yeah, that's funny." "Hurry up, we've gotta get going." "Why are you staring at me?" "When I got up yesterday you weren't at home." "Which proves that I kidnapped Chester." "Aren't you working this whole, like, NYPD Blue angle a little hard?" "All right. ln the morning, Mom gave me a ride." "Listen, get home quickly." "I need you to find Dad's keys, which, I know, you lost." "I had them." "Last night, before I went out, I took them with me." "l think." " Whatever." "Just find them before he knows." "Bye." "Have fun." "You summoned me." "I have a study where l keep my archives, all my papers." "It needs to be cleaned out and sorted through." "Okay, but you' re gonna have to pay me." "Excuse me?" "l've fulfilled my debt to you." "I painted your house and fence." "Your boat's fixed." "We're even. lt's over." "I' ll do it, but I' ll need compensation." "No." "All right." "I' ll pay you what you' re worth." "Very little." "I was doing a project for chem with Drue Valentine." "You know him." "We went to the hardware store to pick up some supplies." "I'm touched by the way you've reached out to me lately, Jack." "So moving." "To be honest I thought you held me responsible for that whole mess with your sister." "Whatever." "Hey, you wanna go grab that paint?" "What paint?" "The paint." "You know, for the project we' re doing." "Come back to me, Drue." "All you gotta do is get the paint and take this up to the register for me." "Why can't you do it?" "One of the soccer goals is falling apart." "I gotta get some net, and if I don't fix it, nobody else will." "Must be weird." "What?" "Being selfless." "Where did you go with Deputy Witter?" "You mean my brother?" "Where do you think?" "I'm shaking my head in disbelief." "Don't judge a book by its prologue, wiseass." "There's more coming up." "More than COPS could teach you, believe me." "Really?" "Well, let me brace myself for that." "That's it. I spent the rest of the morning alone in the study." ""Arthur Isaac Brooks." "Newspaper, track and field." "Aspiration:" "To become a great Hollywood filmmaker."" "Oh, my God." "Dawson." "I think it's time we discussed your infamous ninth-grade senior pact." "Dad, that was four years ago." "Wait." "What pact?" "When I was in ninth grade the seniors pulled a particularly lame prank." "They graffiti'd the lockers and trashed the parking lot." "It was embarrassing." "Pacey and I made a pact that when our time came, we would do it right." "It'd be the prank to end all pranks." "We talked about it for years." "So it was you?" "No, it wasn't me." "Pacey and I aren't exactly Butch and Sundance these days." "I didn't even remember the pact until you...." "Well?" "What is it?" "I can tell you I didn't do it." "I can't speak for Pacey." "So you picked up Jen at 1 2:45?" "I think so." "Did I say that?" "What time did you get to the park?" "I don't know." "It was like 1 :35-ish." "Get your foot off the net!" "God!" "Put your little doohickey-- -l got it, I got it." "All right, piece of cake." "Let me take care of something." "Molly!" "Double time." "Over here." "What'd I do?" "Nothing, nothing." "Relax, deflate." "What do you want?" "Well, I've got some good news." "After a review of all the players on the team I've decided to offer you the position of goalie left vacant by Kip's injury." "Offering?" "Like take it or leave it?" "Yeah." "Well, it's...." "I mean, you know-- ln that case, thank you, but no, thank you." "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "No, thank you?" "What...?" "l'd really rather not." "Yeah, but goalie is like-- l'm left halfback." "I like left halfback. I'd like to stick with left halfback, okay?" "Please?" "Okay." "I like that kid." "Funny." "You know, she reminds me of me at that age." "If I put her in goal, the boys will torture her out of spite." "That's because kids like Molly and me tend towards the easier alternative:" "The one with the least opportunity for embarrassment." "Unless, of course...." "Unless, of course what?" "You get us really pissed off." "Now let's cut to the chase, shall we?" "My boat was removed from the storage warehouse behind the Yacht Club sometime between 1 2:30 p.m. and 5: 1 5." "Records indicate that you were the only senior who had access..." "...to that particular warehouse." "Just what records might those be?" "I' ll be asking the questions, Mr. Witter." "Okay." "All right, I' ll talk." "But I gotta warn you, it's gonna be deathly boring." "Doug?" "Yeah?" "Do you ever find yourself sitting out here on the edge of the highway in your squad car, you got your radar gun in hand been out here for four hours, in which only three cars have passed all under the speed limit and wonder just what the hell happened to your life?" "Pardon me?" "Seriously, man." "Look at you." "For all your Eliot Ness and Harry Callahan aspirations, you' re nothing." "At best, you' re the Barney Fife of this little Podunk town." "What's that?" "Does this diatribe have a point, Pacey?" "No." "No, not really. I'm just a little disconcerted by it all." "At 1 2, you were still at the Arthur Brooks estate." "Yes, I was." "By 1 2:30, I was more than ready to get out of there." "Where do you think you' re going?" "Home. I'm done for the day." "The hell you are." "You think you can take my money and go spoon with your girlfriend..." "...you' re mistaken." "She's not my girlfriend." "You' re not back here within three hours, forget about being paid." "Your mom asked me to get you." "Oh, so I'm a favour?" "l didn't say that." "So, what was that about?" "It's about what a complete and total jerk he insists on being." "Jen's insight into the 1 0-year-old psyche seemed valid." "Even though practice was ending, and the kids had time before the game I still wasn't ready to give up on Molly playing goalie." "Molly." "Molly, come here." "You get any orange wedges?" "One." "Billy took the other one and smashed it into the ground." "Yeah, Billy's a jerk." "Just wait until I'm 1 7 and hot." "He' ll regret messing with me." "Look, Molly, it doesn't matter if you' re 1 7 or 45." "They aren't gonna respect you unless you make them." "How do I make them respect me?" "Look, Molly, you gotta prove it to yourself." "Okay?" "If you do that, if you believe you' re just as good as they are I guarantee you, the rest is just gonna take care of itself." "You find a goalie yet?" "No." "Can I still have it?" "Yep." "Fine." "Bring it on." "You know, you just totally pulled a fast one on me." "But I'm gonna let it go because you' re right." "But that doesn't mean that I don't understand exactly what you just did." "Just bring it." "Whenever I see that guy, I can't help but hearing the Darth Vader theme." "I'm making an effort." "Not to be cruel, but why?" "Kind of a karmic decision." "Thank you for the ride." "Just doing your mom a favour." "Right." "Well, speak of the devil." "The devil appears." "So, Drue, what brings you to my humble abode?" "First, I just wanted to extend my gratitude for last night." "You know, we met at the theatre, common decency dictates I'd lend you $5 and have you sit with me." "The burger was your idea." "Small to you, but significant to me." "I'm just grateful to find one ally in this strange and eclectic hamlet." "You may be my first." "Well...." "l appreciate it." "You didn't have to come here to tell me that." "You' re right." "That's not why I'm here." "Left these in my car, man." "Thank you." "You just saved me from a solid hour of paternal lecturing." "It was the least I can do." "You reached out to the new kid." "What goes around comes around." "That is so true." "Would I be out of line if I asked what we' re doing?" "Somebody stole a dog." "How do you know it didn't get lost?" "We don't." "The owner found some footprints in the dirt. lt might be the gardener." "Either way, we have to find this dog because it is a very important dog." "So wait." "Hold on, hold on, hold on." "is this what you meant when you said I'd learn more from you than COPS?" "Come on." "Don't tell me you' re still angry at your little brother for that whole "wasting your life" shtick?" "I only sort of meant it." "Honest." "I want you to listen very closely, because I'm only gonna say this once." "If you ever care about anything as much as I do about being an officer I will be shocked." "If you ever in your life are as good at anything as I am at being an officer in this town, I will be shocked." "And if you ever in your life presume to judge me again so help me, God, I will beat the ugly right out of you." "So what you're telling me is that you were looking for the very same dog  that you're suspected of taking?" "Mitch, you are a sane and reasonable man and it is obvious that I am not responsible for this whole fiasco." "So why are we still here?" "We are still here because a certain fresh detail has come to light which suggests that we must, at the least account for all of your whereabouts yesterday." "You discussed my ninth-grade pact with Dawson." "Oh, you remember the agreement too, I see." "Well, of course I remember it." "It was my idea." "Did it ever occur to you that my not-so-close acquaintance/former best friend has hinted or possibly even implicated yours truly only to divert suspicion from himself?" "Mr. Witter, justice is blind. lf Dawson is responsible, we' ll nail him." "Just as we' ll nail you." "How is it possible that we' re still doing this?" "I' ll tell you how." "Capeside High, a facility to which you have had intimate access must have been trespassed upon sometime after 5:30 p.m when the cleaning crew went home." "There were no signs of forced entry, which implies an inside job." "Dad, I was home last night." "You saw me." "At 1 0:00." "Just tell us about the prior five hours." "Afternoon and evening, where you were, who you were with and we' ll be done with this." "We' ll be done with this when I've got my man." "Well, well, well." "I'm surprised to see you here." "You shouldn't. I work here." "I don't think so." "l thought we had an agreement." "We did." "You broke it, you' re fired." "On what grounds?" "Playing footsie with your floozy when you're supposed to be doing a job. I guess I forgot:" "You' re just a hormonal adolescent." "What do you gain by insulting my friend?" "I don't give a damn about you two but I do care about having my generosity taken advantage of." "Just because you are alone and your life is full of abandoned dreams does not give you the license to inflict your pain on me." "How dare you presume to understand me who I am, where l've been, what I've done." "Now get the hell out of here." "Fine." "Well, you can go." "l can?" "Just as soon as you tell us where you were between 5:30 last night..." "...and 8 this morning." "Stick to last night after 5:30." "Once again as I've already told you, we had a game." "It was our first playoff game." "Hey, Jackers?" "Militant peewee parents, 2 o'clock." "Jack." "Gus." "We' re hearing a strange rumour from our kids, that you' re gonna put...." "Gonna put that little girl in for Kip as goalie." "Yeah, it's not a rumour." "That's a fact." "Yeah, well, afraid we can't allow that." "That's okay, you don't have to allow it." "I'm the coach, it's my call." "Jack, I represent parents who kept their mouths shut when certain alarming personal details came to light." "But, hey, this is not personal." "This is soccer." "So I'm gonna give it to you real straight, Jack." "You put the little girl in for goalie, we' ll lose the game." "We lose the game, you lose your job." "Okay." "Yeah, I' ll take that under advisement, Gus." "You fellas don't mind, I'd like to warm up my team." "Yeah, good." "Thanks." "Looks like Pat Buchanan's posse." "You' re not gonna believe this." "What?" "They' ll fire me if I keep Molly in goal." "Are you kidding?" "Jack, what are you gonna do?" "Wait a second." "You couldn't find the dog, so your brother put you in the back of the car?" "l'm confused." "l was confused too." "It seemed so blatantly hostile, even for Dougie." "Frankly, when he went in, I considered making a break for it." "Roger  1 0-8-47, 1 0-8-47...." "Okay." "Well, Mike, the guy in the back's not a perp." "He's my little brother." "How goes it, junior Witter?" "It's been better." "Why are you looking at me like that?" "No reason." "Later, against my better judgment, I was back at the Brooks house." "When I was going through your things, I found your yearbook." "Underneath the picture the caption said that your ambition was to become a Hollywood filmmaker." "A striking coincidence, as I've had the same dream since I can remember." "Good for you." "It scared the hell out of me." "Because I don't wanna be like you." "I don't ever want to be the kind of person who pushes everyone away from him." "I don't want to be alone." "And I know that you don't want to be alone either." "You can't get rid of me, Mr. Brooks." "What you do to everyone else works on them, but it won't work on me." "So I'm back and I'm gonna finish the job that I was hired to do." "Before I could even realize what was happening, it was over." "Somehow, we'd won the game." "Right on!" "Nice game, guys." "Yeah." "Nice playing." "Hey, good game." "Congratulations, fellas." "Your kids played great." "Jack..." "...you know anything about soccer?" "Yeah." "My team won their first playoff game." "I think I know something, sure." "Maybe you know when a playoff game is tied, as our next game could be goals scored against us in previous games reflect on the eventual tally." "Excuse me?" "lf we tie the Falcons on Wednesday the three goals that little girl let slip by will count against us." "I' ll just have to win against the Falcons on Wednesday." "That's where you' re mistaken." "You can't beat the Falcons because you' re no longer coach of this team." "You' re done, McPhee." "Molly!" "They didn't...?" "Yeah." "Yeah, they just did." "It was after 9 when we got the call." "Doug and I headed to the boatyard." "You wanna go in, don't you?" "I have the code." "True Love spent a couple of nights in this motel." "So I can just...." "After you." "Mr. Valentine, what brings you here skulking through the shadows at this hour?" "Anonymous phone call." "Boat's missing." "Why would someone call you?" "Well, they didn't, technically." "They called my mother." "This is her jurisdiction, so she sent me." "I called the police, which is why you are here now, Deputy Witter." "You couldn't possibly know we also received an anonymous phone call roughly 20 minutes before your call, which begs the question:" "How do I know you didn't take the boat?" "Do you see a boat on me, man?" "I mean, you can frisk me if you want." "I bet you'd like that." "Come on." "Let's do the man dance." "Okay." "Well, then, I guess I'm done, aren't I?" "You know what?" "I'm gonna go too, Dougie." "I can't drive you home now." "This is police business." "I' ll get a ride with Drue." "Hey, Drue, hold on." "Hey, newsflash, Pacey:" "You hate Drue." "Yes, I do." "But it's only a ride home." "And I'm trying to be a better person, just like you." "Besides, it's a karma thing." "Yeah." "Goodbye." "And that was it." "Then I left with Drue." "And where did you go?" "Well, I wanted to grab a bite to eat." "He said he was busy." "He dropped me off at home." "Within 25 minutes, I was sleeping like a baby." "All right, Pacey, you can go." "Thanks for your help." "Sorry for the inconvenience." "You' re not just messing with me?" "Get out of here, Pace, before he changes his mind." "Something else, Mr. Witter?" "Well, I was just thinking that honestly, I don't think Dawson did it either." "Why is that?" "That guy's way too respectable to pull off that type of crime." "At least not without my coaxing, you know?" "Just not that type of guy." "Pacey might be cocky, but he's not an idiot. I mean, there's" "There's no way he would jeopardize his academic foothold for what was hardly the prank to end all pranks." "Okay." "Thanks." "Well, Dave?" "Satisfied?" "Yes, Mitchell, I am." "I'm very satisfied, indeed considering that I know who did it." "Really?" "Obviously." "It's clear you don't watch Inspector Poirot on AE." "There's neither rhyme nor reason to account for an accusation that my son was a party to this practical joke." "You gentlemen should be ashamed of yourselves." "All right, Mrs. Valentine, if you' re finished I' ll explain exactly how we know your son was responsible for this debacle." "Fine." "This, I have to hear." "At 1 0:30 yesterday your son was in Harry's Hardware store purchasing a can of white paint identical to the kind that was used to scrawl the words "Class of 2001 " on the sail of my boat." "At 1 :30, he was at the Leery residence, returning Mitch's keys." "Keys that could easily have been copied at the hardware store giving Drue access to my school." "At 9:30, he made one final appearance this time at the storage warehouse behind the Yacht Club under the pretense of having received an anonymous phone call." "Your son was conveniently present at all the necessary moments." "He acquired the means and resources to do the job and he had the time to pull it all off without a hitch." "Anything I left out, Mitch?" "Hey, that rhymes." "No. I think you've got it pretty much in the bag." "You conniving brat." "I should have known after last year's ferret incident." "Mrs. Valentine, one thing I've learned in my career as an educator is that children are fickle creatures." "Does a week of suspension sound like a fair punishment to you?" "No." "Try two weeks." "And probation for the rest of the year." "You've got a history, Drue." "It's proving to be quite telling." "Okay, I think we' re through here." "Drue, get my purse." "Hey, Harry Potter." "Come here." "What's going on?" "Send a message to the boys for me." "Tell them that I admire the brilliance of their design." "No, wait." "Just tell them I said, "Touché."" "That's enough." "Which boys?" "What happened?" "Karma." "Finally caught up with me." "I just wanted to come by and say thanks for letting me do that whole ride-along thing yesterday." "It was illuminating." "Have you ever said anything that wasn't lined with sarcasm?" "I'm admitting I was wrong, Doug." "What you do, it matters as much, if not more than any job I' ll ever be able to hold down." "Interesting, considering you didn't think it mattered at all." "Well, now I think it matters." "I mean, I know it matters to Mike." "It matters to some kid you' ll keep from killing his friends when you pull him over for speeding and scare the crap out of him." "I'm guessing that it probably matters in a million other subtle ways that I with the subtlety of an elephant in an antique shop, will never notice." "Yeah, well if it wasn't me doing the job, it would just be somebody else." "But it is you, Doug." "It's you, and I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss that." "I mean, to be perfectly honest, I should be so lucky to someday ride shotgun with you." "I think that would be a mistake." "I take it you don't think I'd make much of a cop, huh?" "No." "Not really, no." "Pacey, I think that you' re a daring original." "I think you have a talent for flying in the face of conventionality and I think that you were born to break the rules, not enforce them." "And you know what?" "I actually admire that in you." "I really do." "What?" "Did my big brother Doug just admit that he admired me for the first time ever?" "No, no. lt's more like I'm terrified at the thought of having to sit in that squad car with you for another minute." "What you doing, junior?" "This thing Brooks said to me yesterday kind of got me thinking." "As much as I claim myself to be an encyclopaedia of filmic history it just occurred to me that maybe...." "Maybe what?" "Maybe there's something I'm missing." "Well, maybe he used another name." "Like Art or Arty or something." "What self-respecting artist would use "Arty Brooks" as their screen credit?" "I don't know." "Don't people sometimes use abbreviations or nicknames like I don't know, " Chief," "Ace," " Doc"?" "Yeah, like that great director, Chief Tarantino." "Okay, now you' re just being mean." "Hey, don't leave angry." "Hey!" "Caroline, Molly." "What's wrong?" "Molly asked me if we could come and see you today." "What is it, Molly?" "I'm sorry I got you fired." "What?" "What makes you think that my getting fired had anything to do with you?" "I heard-- l heard Billy's dad yelling at you after the game." "And then today at school he said if I would have stopped more goals then you wouldn't have been." "I'm so, so sorry, Jack." "It's okay." "Look, Molly they fired me because they disagreed with who I am as a coach, not you as a player." "But they knew I was right about you, they just couldn't admit it." "You knew it too, didn't you?" "Caroline said it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't believe her because...." "Because I don't understand how anybody could fire you." "I'm confusing to people like Billy's dad." "But we can't hate people because they' re different." "We just have to try and forget about them, and just go on being the best person that we can be." "ls Dawson here?" "l'm not sure." "You can check in his room if you'd like." "Thanks." "Hey, Joey, if he is up there tell him I know and " Congrats."" "Okay, explanation time." "Man, it is a bitch getting up here without a ladder." "Joey." "What's she doing?" "I thought we were doing this alone." "I knew it." "The three of you." "You did it." "You guys put the boat in the pool." "You did it." "Just calm down for a second." "There is no reason to jump to silly conclusions." "We didn't" " We didn't-- We didn't pull the prank." "We have airtight alibis." "And besides, we all know Drue did it." "On the other hand, if we had wanted to pull off the prank, the three of us, that is Jack could've swung by the Peskins' after he met Drue at the store." "He would have had time to leave the paint he accidentally took home and Chester, with the necessary food and water, of course tied up to a tree at a rendezvous point." "I could've gotten in the storage facility sometime after 1 :30 when Drue dropped off the keys, and before 3:30 when I had to be at Mr. Brooks'." "Pacey would've given me the code." "I'd have had the Mitch-mobile to tow the trailer to the rendezvous point Jack had been to earlier." "I then would have left the boat and the car with Chester and the paint." "Later, Pacey could've had Drue drop him off near the rendezvous point." "And once arriving at the location Pacey could've gathered all the essential materials and then taken the whole production into the pool to finish off the job." "By 1 1 , we'd be done, and everyone would still be none the wiser." "Of course, that's only hypothetical." "Right." "The truth is Drue Valentine is, was and will always be the lone criminal behind it all." "I am glad to see that this kid got what was coming to him for so long." "Karma." "Exactly." "What are you thinking?" "l'm thinking we pulled it off." "Something has been right tonight that hasn't been right for a long, long time." "I keep forgetting why we' re not still friends." "You know it's not that simple." "Of course not. lt's just that...." "l know." "Gotta tell you, Dawson when you said you'd never trust me again that was probably amongst the top five worst moments of my life." "When I walked out on my back porch and saw you and Joey that was my worst." "Number one with a bullet." "Do you think it's possible that someday I could convince you that maybe I'm the type of person you could trust again?" "I would like to believe that it is." "I gotta try." "I'm not ready to give up on you." "If it doesn't work out we could always just kill each other."