"[ALARM BLARING]" "[INMATES INDISTINCTLY YELLING AND GRUNTING]" "[IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]" "[SCREAMS AND GROANS]" "[COUGHING]" "[CONTINUES COUGHING]" "[GUARDS INDISTINCTLY YELLING AND DOGS BARKING]" "[GUARDS CONTINUE YELLING INDISTINCTLY]" "CHOW:" "Motherfuckers!" "Fuck." "[GRUNTING]" "[SPLASHING]" "[RUMBLING]" "Fuck!" "♪ You have so many relationships in this life ♪ ♪ Only one or two will last ♪" "♪ You go through all this pain and strife ♪ ♪ Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast ♪" "[LAUGHING]" "[CONTINUES LAUGHING]" "♪ And they're gone so fast ♪" "We're almost home, buddy!" "[CAR HORN HONKING]" "♪ Mmm bop, ba duba dop ♪ ♪ Ba du bop, Ba du dop ♪ ♪ Ba du bop, Ba du dop, Ba du ♪" "ALAN:" "Whoa!" "Whoa!" "He'!" "" "My name's Alan and I bought a giraffe!" "He's all mine!" "He's super friendly!" "[HOWLING]" "[BLEATING]" "WOMAN:" "Oh, wow." "Lack at the giraffe." "GIRL:" "Oh, my Gad." "Where do you think it's going?" "Whoa!" "Oh, my life is great!" "I have a wonderful life!" "I have a wonderful life!" "[GRUNTS]" "[FAMILY SCREAMING]" "[TRUCK HORN HONKING AND TIRES SCREECHING]" "[CAR ALARM BLARING]" "Yes, sir." "Absolutely, I will." "Thank you so much." "Na, of course." "Na, no." "And again, I'm so sorry." "That was the mayor, Alan." "It was an accident." "You said you'd always lave me no matter what I did." "I know and I do." "You're my best friend." "But, Alan, why would you buy a giraffe?" "I've always wanted one." "I could feed him from my tree house." "Besides, they remind me a lat of myself." "In what way?" "They're majestic, pensive and tall." "Pensive?" "ALAN:" "Yeah." " Where'd you learn that ward?" " "Wards With Friends."" " What friends, Alan'?" " You can set it on random." "[GROANS]" "Alan, aside from the fact that you shut dawn a freeway... you murdered a wild animal." "It's national news." "You don't want to know the checks I had to write to fix this." "Oh, please." "We're rich." "We are not anything, Alan." "I am well-off." "You are my 40-year-old sun..." "Forty-two." "I'm 42!" "42year-old son who still lives at home." "You are to go back on your medication or I'm cutting you off." "You're bluffing." "When's dinner?" "Your mother and I can't take this anymore!" " Well, you might have to." "SID:" "I can't do it!" "I cannot do this!" "[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]" "BILLY JOEL [SINGING OVER HEADPHONES]:" "I don't care what you say anymore." "This is my life." "Go ahead with your own life Leave me alone." "CHORUS [SINGING]:" "Keep it to yourself It's my life." "LINDA:" "Alan!" "Alan!" "ALAN [SINGING]:" "Ave." "Maria" "[CONTINUES SINGING "AVE MARIA"]" "My Gad, he's gut the voice of an angel." "It's breathtaking." "Ave." "Maria" "[CLEARS THROAT]" "I can't believe my daddy is dead." "[FEEDBACK OVER MICROPHONE]" "I can think of so many people I would rather have died first." "Like my mother." "As many of you know... my father and I were extremely close." "He was my life partner." "He would often tell me, almost an a daily basis... that I was his favorite child." "I'll always remember the last wards he said to me:" ""I'm proud of you, Alan." "Never change."" "Well..." "I heard you laud and clear, Daddy." "I will never change." "Never, ever." "[FEEDBACK OVER MICROPHONE]" "Oh, Mam." "Ga ahead, chief." "Sid Garner was a beloved husband..." "[SHUTTER CLICKS]" "Father and neighbor." "Wow, rough day." " Yeah, how's Tracy doing?" " Nat great." "Her mother's totally an the edge, and if all this weren't enough..." ""apparently Alan's been off his meds for almost six months."" "Oh, bay." "Yeah, it has not been pretty." " Then there's the whale fucking giraffe thing." " I thought that was pretty funny." " What?" " Came an." "He killed a giraffe." "Who gives a fuck?" "You know, I wasn't gonna say anything, but Alan's been stopping by my office lately." "DOUG:" "You're kidding me." "What for?" "I don't know." "He just sits in the waiting roam and reads Highlights magazine." "Fills in the puzzles, whatever he can, and then leaves." "Check it out." "DOUG:" "Wow." "PHIL:" "Jesus, what are you gonna do with him?" "Actually, I wanted ta talk ta you guys about that." "Linda really wants to stage an intervention for him." "An intervention?" "Really?" "I think that sounds like a great idea." "Yeah, the thing is..." ""she's pretty convinced he won't agree to it unless all of us are there."" "I mean, you know haw he is." "I don't know." "It seems a little extreme to me." "Oh, Gad." "Lack at him now." "Okay, I'm in." "When are we doing it?" "LAUREN:" "Sc we talked to Tracy today... and she said that the treatment facility that they found is really nice." "It's beautiful." "I checked it out online." "Great reputation." "Who gives a fuck?" "It's in Arizona." "We gotta go an like a two-day drive for this shit?" "Here we go." "They should just save their money and send him to fat camp." " Phil." " What?" "He should lose weight." "He'll find a woman." "The dude's lonely." "If he's so lonely, why don't the you spend more time with him?" " No, trust me, you don't want that." " No." "You definitely don't want that." "Came an." "He's not that bad." "I mean, what's the worst that's happened?" "The tattoo?" "Yeah, the tattoo':" "The worst." "Right?" "Definitely." "Tattoo was the worst." "Nightmare." "Speaking of which, you ever get tested?" "Excuse me?" "You know, because of the ink." "That went inside you." "I'm fine." "PHIL:" "Take care." "LAUREN:" "All right, good luck tomorrow." "PHIL:" "Oh, thanks." " I'll pick you up at 11." " Perfect." "LAUREN:" "Thank you so much." "Thanks." "LINDA:" "Again, thank you so much for coming." "PHIL:" "Oh, of course." "This is Nico." "Nico is a good friend of Alan's." " What's up, bras?" "PHIL:" "Oh, yeah, hey." "And that's Blanca." "Bianca's been with us since Alan was a baby." " Hello." " Hello." "And this is Timothy." "Timothy lives across the street." "He and Alan swim together." " Hey, what's up, little man?" " Hey." " Why don't you guys take a seat?" " Yeah." "[DOUG CLEARS THROAT]" "Tracy's an her way back with Alan right now." "Obviously, he has no idea this is earning, so things might get a little intense." "But, no matter what happens, remember:" "This is all about Alan getting better." "Mother, Oreo smoothie, now!" "Oh." " Hey, everyone." " Hey." "Hey, Timothy." "Little cold for a swim, isn't it?" "Oh, wow." "Lack." "You went ta the pier today." "Haw was that?" " We had a great time." " Yeah." "I played skee ball for, like, 45 minutes." "It was a pretty sick workout." "What's going an?" "Uh, ahem, why don't you have a seat, bud?" "We just want to talk to you for a sec." "Okay." " Hey, Phil." " Hey." "Yeah." " Yeah." " What's going an?" "Oh, you gut me." "[ALL LAUGHING]" "DOUG:" "Se, Alan... we're all here to tell you about an awesome place... called New Horizons." "That does sound awesome." "Alan, this is an intervention." "A what?" "Mam." "Alan." ""I lave you so much." "We all do."" "But we can't keep lying to each other." "Ever since you were a baby, all I want- ♪" "Oh, my Gad, is anybody else falling asleep?" "DOUG:" "Alan, listen." " Na offense, Mam, but you're baring." "BLANCA:" "Mr. Alan." "Oh, new you?" ""I pick up after you for 30 years."" "I cleaned your room." "I see things no one should ever see." "But I pray for you." " Mr. Alan, everyone-♪ PHIL:" "Hey." " Someone should clean that up." " Alan." "Alan." "You are not well." "You're off your meds and you're clearly upsetting your whole family." " That's baloney." " Alan, if you say yes to this... we drive you there today, and I promise you will come back a changed man." "Who's we?" "What do you mean, "we"?" "Who's we?" "We." "All of us." "Stu, Phil, me, you." "You going, Phil?" "I lave you, Alan." "[CRYING]" "[CONTINUES CRYING]" "[HARRY NILSSON'S "EVERYBODY'S TALKIN" ' PLAYING ON RADIO]" "Hey, Alan, you hungry?" "You wanna get some Arby's?" "Na, thanks." "You know, I meant to tell you earlier, that's a really cool vest you got on." "Thanks, Phil." "It was my dad's." "He died in it." "Whoa." "That's intense." "Hey, Alan, just want to say what you're doing is really brave." "We're proud of you." "Yeah, you're gonna do great." "Stop the car." "I don't want to do this anymore." " What?" " I changed my mind." "Alan, you can't change your mind." "Everybody's counting on you." "I'm fine just the way I am." "I want to go home." "Turn the car around." "New, please!" "I don't..." "[CRASHING]" "What the fuck was that?" " Oh, my Gad!" "He's doing it an purpose!" " Get out of his way!" "I am, I am." " Hey!" "Hey, get the fuck off!" " You have to exchange information." "Why?" "Jesus." "Phil!" " Phil!" "Phil!" " Oh, shit!" "[ALL SCREAMING]" " Get away from him!" " I'm trying!" " DOUG:" "Lack out!" " Oh, shit!" "[SCREAMING]" "ALAN:" "Aw, shit!" "On, shit." "[ALL SCREAMING]" "PHIL:" "Shit!" "Ga, go, go!" "Lock your doors!" "Doug, lock your doors!" "ALAN:" "Shit!" "What's going an?" "[SCREAMING]" "Get the fuck..." "Hang an!" "[STU SCREAMS]" "STU:" "Help!" "PHIL:" "Let go, fucking asshole!" "[ALAN PANTING]" "[STU SCREAMS]" "PHIL:" "Stu!" "We're okay." "STU:" "We're in an elevator!" "DOUG:" "Where are you?" "[STU CONTINUES SCREAMING]" "STU:" "What the fuck is going an?" "[PHIL COUGHING]" "Please, this is a huge mistake." "You gut the wrong guys!" "I gut the right fucking guys!" "Get him up." "Pick him up." "Put him here." " You're Black Doug!" "That's Black Doug!" " Shut the fuck up with that." "Shut the fuck up." "Oh, my Gad." "It is." "Alan, tell me right new, why is Black Doug kidnapping us?" " I said don't call me that shit no more." "STU:" "Sorry." " It ain't Alan's fault." " Thank you, Black Doug." "Motherfucker!" "PHIL:" "Doug!" "Doug!" "'" "Okay." "Okay," " dust Doug, okay?" " Yeah." "Why are you doing this?" "MARSHALL:" "Because..." "I told him to." "I'm Marshall." "And whether you know it or not... we all have something in common." "And it all started four years ago when this moron... sold the wrong drugs to this dumb fuck." "You have no idea the chain of events that were set in motion that night... in the parking lat of a fucking liquor stare." "What up, nigga?" "Excuse me?" "Chill out, I'm not a cap." "Just in town for the night." "Me and my bays lacking to get our freak an." "You sold Alan roofies." "Oh, shit." "I must've mixed up the bags." "My fault, Alan." "Damn." "Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one." "[ECHOING] Damn." "Marshal!" "Gonna be pissed off at me on that one." "Marshall?" "You're Marshall." "You brought us out here because of that?" "[LAUGHS]" "You're not here because of that." "You're here because some Chinaman I never heard of strolls into my town... and takes one of my guys off the street." " M r." "Chow?" " Yes." "Yes, Mr. Leslie fucking Chow." "You introduced a virus into my life." "Oh, Gad, what did he do?" "He fucked me in the ass." "Oh, he does that from time to time." "Nat literally." "Jesus!" "A few weeks after your bullshit, I get ward... this sheik is coming in from Abu Dhabi." "MARSHALL:" "He was looking to make some less-than-legal investments." "He brought his two wives... and $42 million in gold bars." "It was a lay-up." "MAN:" "Get dawn!" "Get dawn!" "MARSHALL'." "We took it all." "Two vans, each with 21 million in gold." "My guys Split up." "One of them made it back..." "[SIREN WAILING]" "One of them didn't." "Is there a problem, officer?" "Nat anymore, motherfucker." "[LAUGHING]" "Leslie Chow stale $21 million from me... an a Tuesday." "On, Gad." "I lacked everywhere for him." "But he's gone, no one can find him." "Until the little cockroach got himself pinched in Bangkok." "Sal pay him a visit." "MARSHALL:" "I offer him a truce." "I won't touch a hair on his head." "I just want him to tell me where my gold is." "He refuses to talk." "Nat only does he refuse to talk to me... he has no communication with anyone from the outside... except you!" "He'!" "" "It's unfair!" "Alan, you been talking to Chow?" " They've been writing letters." " Hey, those are private!" ""Dear Leslie, OMG, the McRib is back!" "Why was it ever gone?"" "Exactly!" ""Dear Alan, I threw urine an prison guard today." "Blamed it an cellmate." "Wish you were here."" "Yeah, I wish I could've seen that." "Letter after letter of total nonsense... except for one common thread:" "You guys!" "The wolf pack." "Jesus Christ, Alan." "Five weeks ago, Chow escaped from maximum security detention." "Oh, fuck." "He stowed aboard a shipping freighter bound for the West Coast." " Where is he?" " I don't know." "Alan, if you know where he is, you tell this man right now." "Phil, I don't know, I swear." "I haven't talked to him in months." "We gotta do it the hard way." "STU:" "Oh, no!" "DOUG:" "What the fuck?" "Hey!" "MARSHALL:" "Let's go." "DOUG:" "Hey!" "Na!" "Na!" "What the fuck?" "Whoa, what are you doing?" "Doug is my insurance." "He stays with me." "You don't give me Chow, I blow his brains out." "You go to the caps..." "I blow his brains out." "That's insane!" "We don't even know where the fuck he is!" "Na one dues." "But I figure the wolf pack has the best chance cf finding him." "You have three days." "Get to work." "Can you take Stu instead?" "Fuck you, Alan." "Shit." "Shit!" "PHIL:" "Alan." "ALAN:" "Yeah, Phil?" "PHIL:" "I need you to roll aver here and chew off these hand-ties." "ALAN:" "Okay." "Oh." "ALAN:" "Damn it!" "Ow." "Oh, fuck!" "ALAN:" "Gut a little tan much steam." "PHIL:" "Get off me." "ALAN:" "All right, let me just shimmy dawn." " Would you just hold still?" "Hold still!" "PHIL:" "Ow." "STU:" "Help!" "Help!" "PHIL:" "Holy shit." "What are we gonna do, Stu?" "STU:" "We're gonna go to the police." " Oh, no, we're fucking not." "Did you hear that guy?" "He will kill Doug, period." "Chow is a cancer." "He's been a cancer since the first day we met him." "We're gonna hand him aver to Marshall and then it's dune." " Hey, Phil." " Alan, not now." "But I need you, Stu." "I can't do this alone." "Dc what alone?" "We have no idea where he even is." " Phil." " What, Alan?" "I was gonna say I gut this strange e-mail the other day." "I wasn't sure what it meant, but new I think it might be from Chow." ""Fatty, it feels good to be out."" "I'm close by." "Tell no one." "I'll be in touch." ""Chow."" "This says "Chow." How did you not know this was from Chow?" "At the time, I thought it was "Chow" like "goodbye."" "You know, like, "Chow, arrivederci."" " You know, Sbarro, Papa John's." " I'm writing him back." "Whoa, wait, wait." "Just hold an." "Gonna tell him you're happy he's out and you'd love to see him." "Och, I would lave to see him." "Dc you even know what's going an?" "Yes, Ida." "Phil's doing all the work, I'm his assistant... you're standing there looking like an idiot." "I'm gonna arrange a meeting..." " ...and we're gonna take him out." " "Take him out"?" "Who says that?" "Haw do we take someone out?" "We'll use drugs." "Prescription drugs." "You know, the kind a dentist has access to." "Goad luck finding a dentist who will write fake prescriptions." "Oh, I know one." "His name is Stuart Price." "New let's go find a fucking pharmacy." "Whoo!" "You just got schooled, son." "Are you coming or not?" "I don't like this plan." "Okay, then." "Ciao." "[ALAN LAUGHS]" "I gut a pretty dope sense of humor, bra!" "[ALAN CONTINUES LAUGHING]" "MAN:" "This amount with syringes is just weird." "Ga check it out." "Everything okay?" "Well, it's just a strange request." "This drug in this amount and a pack of syringes." " It's just a little weird." " Yeah." "It's just kind of an emergency, so..." "See, that right there, and you're acting all fidgety, plus you lack like shit... in our business, these are all red flags." "I need to call the doctor, make sure everything's okay." "Aha." "You're in luck, because I actually am the prescribing doctor." "Oh, bay." "Another red flag." "It says here you're a dentist." "Yeah." "Doctor of Dental Science." "This is fucked up." "Hey, Dad?" "I think we gut a live one." "How'd we do'?" "We did good." "I got Demerol, a pack of syringes... and almost last my dental license." " What about Chow?" "Anything?" " Na." "Oh, lack at this." "He e-mailed me like 20 minutes ago." "Alan, we've been sit..." "Give me the phone, please." " What does it say?" " Oh, wow." "He wants ta meet Alan tonight at 8." "It says came alone." " Came alone where?" " A bus stop." "In Tijuana." "Tijuana's the bomb." "Oh, fuck." "Na, that's perfect." "Na, it's like a three-hour drive from here." "Yeah, Stu, try reading a map." "Yeah, Alan, try reading anything ever." "Yeah, Stu, try not having such big horse teeth." "PHIL:" "All right, we need a plan." "They're meeting an a bus bench in a public place... so Alan needs to convince Chow to go someplace more private." "Someplace where we can sneak up on him and drug him." "Like where?" "I don't know, like an alley." "What about a movie theater?" "Fuck, that's actually a great idea." "The lights go dawn... we take the seats behind him, we jab him and it's fucking done." "I'll jab him if you want." "I've drugged people before." "Yeah, us." "No offense, but we're not letting you handle any drugs." "You'll kill someone." "Oh, please, I'm an expert." "Remember the marshmallows in Thailand?" "Yeah?" "I made it so you could eat at least three before hitting a fatal dose." "Wait." "Sc you're saying I would've died if I had had four?" "Nobody eats four marshmallows, Stu." "That insane theory is the only reason I'm still alive?" "Yes!" "And you're welcome, by the way." "STU:" "Don't say "you're welcome" for almost killing me." " Fine." " Thank you." " You're welcome." " Goddamn it!" "[THE COASTERS' "DOWN IN MEXICO" PLAYING ON RADIO]" "PHIL:" "On, Gad." "You know, you were right." " About what?" " That place in Arizona." "It's not gonna help him." "There is no facility that can fix this guy." "We're gonna spend the rest of our lives dealing with him..." ""because we're all he has now."" "You realize that?" "We're it." "Oh, shit, check it out." "Is that Chow?" "Hey, fat stuff." " Leslie." " Uh-uh-uh." " Act coal." "Eyes forward." " Yeah, okay." " Anyone follow you'?" " No, I don't think so." "Goad, good." "Gotta keep law profile right now." "Chow wanted man." "Can't trust anyone." "Quick, give me some sugar." "Came an, came an, came an." "PHIL:" "What the fuck?" "Did he just kiss him'?" "Listen, I'm in a bit of a pickle, Alan." " I need a friend." " Well, I'm your friend, Leslie." "Exactly." "That's why I called you dawn here." "You're the only person I can trust in this shit-hole of a life." "That's not true." "Stu and Phil are your friends." "Oh, really?" "That's interesting." "Where are they?" " Around." " Around where'?" "I don't know." "Motherfucker!" "I told you to came alone!" "Leslie." "Shit." " What happened?" "STU:" "Is he leaving?" "ALAN:" "We'll talk more!" "I'll give you another kiss!" "STU:" "He's coming this way." "Get dawn." "Get dawn." " PHIL:" "Fuck." " Leslie!" "Oh, fuck." " Get out of the car, you mutts!" " Leslie, no!" " Get off me, fat clown!" " Chow!" "Chow, calm down!" " Who sent you'?" " No one!" "No." " We just wanted to see you!" " Liar!" "Na one wants to see Chow!" "Na, we..." "We miss you." " What?" " We miss you, Chow!" " That's it." " Yeah." "We miss you." "You miss me?" "Sc much." "You miss Chow." "Yeah, buddy." "We lave you, Chow." "[SINGING] I hurt myself today." "To see if I still feel." "I focus on the pain." "The only thing that's real." "What have I become." "What the fuck am I watching?" "My sweetest friend." "Everyone I know." "Goes away in the end." " Is that gonna be enough?" "STU:" "Oh, yeah." "This will take about a minute to kick in." "We'll tell the waitress he's drunk." "By the time we get to the car, he'll be out cold." "My empire of dirt." "I will let you down." "I will make you hurt" "[CROWD APPLAUDS]" "Alan, sit dawn." "That was really nice, Chow." "Thanks, Phil." "The key is to sing from your heart." "Sc Mexico, huh?" "What are you doing dawn here?" "You know, fucking, doing blow." "Same old, same old." "Ooh, I got into cockfighting." " Oh, cockfighting." "That sounds wonderful." "CHOW:" "Yes." "Basically, been killing it dawn here." "That is just terrific." "Right?" "I mean, that's terrific." "I think that calls for a toast." "I like that." " Tn killing it." " Killing it." "Yeah, to killing it." "Mm." "You okay, Chow?" "I don't know." "You tell me." "[CHUCKLES]" "Sc haw many roaster birds do you have, Chow?" " Aah!" " Huh?" " Shh." "Act coal or I open his vein." " Oh, my Gad." "Why you wanna drug pour Chow?" "Na, no." "It's not what you think." "There's this guy Marshall." "Marshall?" "Haw you know that fat fuck?" "He says you took his gold." "He's got Doug." "He'll kill him unless we bring you back." "It's true!" "I swear ta Gad, it's true!" "Chow." "Chow, that's the truth." "Goddamn it!" "That motherfucker." "Stu, you okay?" " You all rig ht'?" " No." "PHIL:" "We're sorry, Chow." "We're sorry." " We didn't know what else to do." " Next time, don't lie to Chow." "You're right." "You are so right, and we made a huge mistake." "Se, what do we do new?" "CHOW:" "That depends." "Can I trust you?" "What is this place, Chow?" "CHOW:" "My house." "Chow used to be an tap of the world." "Had three beautiful homes in three different countries." "But this one, my Mexican villa... this was my favorite." "And everything gut fucked." "Chow go to prison, all my property seized." "My homes... sold at auction to highest bidders." "But I know something no one else knows." "This house is where I stashed the gold." " Marshall's gold?" " Yep." "Hid it inside the basement wall." "Na one knows it's there." "We're gonna go get it." "Wait." "You mean break in?" "Lack, Marshall wants his gold." "And he's gonna hunt me down until he gets it." "If we show up without it, he'll kill me." "We're not breaking in anywhere." "Nat anywhere, Stu." "My house." "It's piece of cake." "I know every square inch of this place." "The best part, the guy we're stealing it from doesn't even know it's there." "Sc he'll never know it's gone." "You guys know what's going an, right?" "What do you mean?" "Well, and please correct me if I'm wrung, we're not breaking into this house." "This house is tan small." "We're breaking into another house." "This is just a model, right?" "What?" "Alan, no!" "My chickens!" "[PHIL GRUNTING AND STU SCREAMING]" "On, shit!" "PHIL:" "Chow, what the fuck?" "CHOW:" "Watch out for the claws!" "They're trained to kill!" "His beak is so sharp!" "Ow!" "Ow!" "[GUNSHOT]" " Oh, fuck!" " Stay still, I'm trying to help." "Don't!" "STU:" "Get it off!" " Fucking bull's-eye!" " Are you out of your mind?" "Shoat it!" "Shoat it!" "Shoat it!" "PHIL:" "Stu, the window!" " Get it out!" " Okay, okay!" "Get it out!" "CHOW:" "Shh, shh, shh." "Don't struggle." "Let go." "You wan a lat of fights, Wallace." "Nat this time." "[GRUNTING]" " What the fuck is wrong with those chickens?" " They're angry." "All I feed them is cocaine." "And chicken." "[CHOW LAUGHS]" "PHIL:" "That's some house, Chow." "CHOW:" "It was my Shangri-La." "New it's gone." "Could you not spit inside my minivan, please?" "Jesus." "Who lives there new?" "CHOW:" "Same dot-cam millionaire." "He's never here." "This is a vacation home." "The help doesn't show up an Sundays." "Na one there but the guard dogs." "Stu?" "We'll toss these burgers over the gate, wait for the Demerol to kick in." "Make sure you put in enough to kill them." "We're not gonna kill the dogs, Chow." "This will knack them out for hours." "Oh, I'm sorry." "I didn't know you worked for PETA." " What a pussy." " Ha-ha-ha." "[BARKING]" "Alan, take that." "Aah!" "[GRUNTING]" " Where are you going?" " You'll see." "Pardon me, little laser." "Excuse me, fucking asshole." "Fallow me." "CHOW:" "Okay, beret the deal:" "Two security panels inside." "If you cut only one wire, it triggers alarm." "Place will be crawling with cops." "But if you cut wire an bath panels at same time, alarm disabled." "Yeah, but haw are we gonna get inside without tripping the alarm?" "Check this out." "[CHOW CHUCKLES]" " Any more stupid questions?" "PHIL:" "Whoa." "New, who's coming with me?" "I'll do it." "You wanna tell him?" "Oh, um..." "Alan, you're just tan fat." "Roger that." "OW." "Ahh." "CHOW:" "You kicked me, you motherfucker." "No, no, no." "Don't get up." "Will trip motion detectors." "Stay law like dag." "Okay." "Goad idea." " Which way?" " In there." "The kitchen." "Aah!" "What the fuck is that?" "Ha, ha." "I'm saying hello." "We're dogs, remember?" "[CHOW LAUGHS]" "Hey, Stu?" "Check it out." "Oh, my Gad!" "Sc grass!" "[RETCHES]" "[LAUGHING]" "Gad!" "Chow, cut it out!" "Okay, I'm here." "New what?" "Pull the cover off so you can see the wires." "Okay." "Okay." "Dane!" "CHOW:" "Okay, an three, cut the gray wire." "One, two..." "STU:" "Wait." "Wait, wait, wait!" "I don't have a gray wire." "I have red, green and yellow." "That's weird." "I have light gray, medium gray, dark gray." "You do?" "Motherfucker." "My bad." "I'm colorblind." "You're what?" "CHOW:" "Fuck it, just cut the middle one." "Na, my middle one could be different." "The wires are all twisted." "CHOW:" "On three." "One, two..." " Chow, stop!" "Gad." "Hold an, I'm coming to you." "What the fuck's taking them so long?" "Where'd you get that shirt, the Diesel stare?" "Phil." "What?" "It's a cute tap." "Where did you get that shirt?" "CHOW:" "What's the problem?" "Just paint to the wire you want meta cut." " This gray one right here." " Great." "For your information, that's green." "Och, tsk, tsk, tsk." "Which one's red'?" "The one in your left hand." " Wait, which hand is that?" "I'm also dyslexic." " What the fuck?" " Where'd you get it?" " I don't know." "I'll find out, I'll get you one." "There's a coal Diesel stare in the mall that I like ta go ta." "Right next ta the fund court." "I don't know if it's Diesel." "Lacks like a Diesel." "What's the matter with you?" "Okay, you're still holding the one I left you with, right?" "CHOW:" "Pretty much." "Heh, heh." "STU:" "Oh, fuck." "All right." "On three!" "One..." ""two..."" "three." "[SIGHS]" "CHOW:" "Holy shit, it worked." "All good?" "Easy peasy." "PHIL:" "All right." "You have no idea." "Came an." "Whoops." "Jesus, be careful, Chow." "Ha, ha." "Fuck this guy." "Living in my house." "Living my life." "Can we just stick to the plan?" "Fine." "Ha, ha." "Ruined." "He is completely out of central." "Let's just get this dune." "This way." "Came an, came an." "It's buried behind this wall." " Alan." " Here you go, bass." "Aah!" "Fuck!" " You okay'?" "CHOW:" "Yeah, I'm okay." "Just warming up." "It's so heavy." "Dc we have a lighter one?" " Why don't you just let me do it, Chow?" " Okay." "Either way, you or me." "Same thing." "You might wanna take your shirt off." "Makes it easier." " What?" " I've heard that tan." "[PANTING]" "See that?" "Chow came back for you." "PHIL:" "That's the last of it." "You sure?" " Yeah." " You triple sure'?" " Yes!" " Good!" "Heh-heh-heh." "Chow?" "Chow?" "Chow!" "Chow!" "Chow!" "Chow!" "Chow, open this fucking door right now!" "PHIL:" "Chow!" "[ALARM BLARING]" "OFFICER:" "Stuart Price." "Na felonies." "One arrest:" "Las Vegas, Nevada." "Phil Wenneck." "Na felonies." "One arrest:" "Also Las Vegas, Nevada." "Alan Garner." "Is this record accurate?" "Uh-huh." "I did that." "Mm-hm." "Yeah." "Masturbating an a city bus." "Yep, that was me." "Lack, we've been here for 5 hours." "We already told your guys everything." "Na." "You told them a story about a little Chinese man." "Leslie Chow." "He's an international criminal." "Lack it up." "A little Chinese man that no one in town has seen or heard of." "The hotel where you say he's staying?" "Na one there." "Probably because he left town." "That's one theory." "Another theory is that you're lying." "[ALAN LAUGHING]" ""Lewd behavior, Cracker Barrel, Christmas Eve."" "[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]" "Excuse me." "We're fucking dead." "Why would Mr. Chow do this?" "Because he's a greedy piece of shit who used us." " Yeah, but he's our friend." " Oh." "Grow up, Alan." "You're free to leave." "All the charges have been dropped." "By Who?" "OFFICER:" "It's your lucky day." "There's a car waiting for you out front." "Came an, let's go." "PHIL:" "Oh, Jesus." "What?" "I'm sorry." "What is this?" "Get in the car." "PHIL:" "Excuse me, sir?" "Where we headed?" "[DOORS LOCK]" "Welcome back." " What the fuck?" " Let's go, guys." "Out to the back." " Doug?" " Guys." "Careful." "Get your ass back aver here." "Leslie Chow never lived here." "You didn't break into his old house." "You brake into my house." "I don't understand." "You didn't get back the gold he stale from me." "You gut the other half that he didn't." "Oh, my God!" "What, you mean the half he never had?" "He's a world-class rat, and you three were his accomplices." " Na!" " We had no idea." "We were trying to help you." "We thought you'd be happy!" "Thank you so much." "Thank you for ripping me off." "Thank you for desecrating my home!" "And thank you for killing my fucking dogs!" "We didn't kill your dogs." "They're just tranquilized." "Oh, right." "You don't know." " Chow snapped their necks on his way out." " What'?" "And somebody's gotta pay." " He's right." " Na, no, no!" "Aah!" "[ALL SCREAMING]" "[ALAN WAILING]" "My head of security." "Couldn't stop three fuckups and a Chinaman with a pair of wire cutters." "Unreal." "Aw." "Man." "That's okay." "I know it's scary." "Hector." "Run upstairs and grab a pair of sweatpants for Alan here." "I'm a 44 slim." "Can you bring me a few options?" "You found Chow once." "Find him again." "And my gold." "Wait." "We don't even have a car." "Chow stale my minivan." "Take the limo." "Hector has the keys." "And get going." "I'm killing Dougs today." " I never saw anyone get killed before." " Right?" "My Gad, that was so intense." "I mean, he just fell and then he's dead." "I feel sick." "Me tan." "Well, maybe we should get some fond, guys." "What are we gonna do?" "We have no idea where Chow is." "I don't know." "He took your minivan." "We could report it stolen... and then they could track him dawn?" "It's worth a shat." "Oh, fuck!" "I left my phone in the minivan." "Well, if you lost your phone, Phil, I have that Find My Phone app." "We have bigger problems than that, Alan." "Na, wait, wait, wait." "If your phone's in the minivan... and Chow has the minivan, then your phone's with Chow!" "You heard him." "We have bigger problems than that, Stu." "Alan, give me your phone." "Quick." " That's brilliant." " Yes." " Wait, what's your password?" " "Hey Phil."" " Yeah?" " Na, that's it." " What?" " That's my password." ""Hey Phil."" "It is it." "Phil gets it." "Nothing worse than lasing your phone." "You just saw a man get murdered." "Your brother-in-law is kidnapped." "You sure there's nothing worse?" "You don't get it, Stu." "You just don't get it, do you?" "I have aver 50 apps an that phone." "What if I last my phone?" "Dc you have any idea haw much time and man-hours it would take... to re-download those apps?" "You are right." "I had not thought of that." "Thank you." "Oh, Gad, it's not always about you, Stu!" "It's locating." " Oh, Gad, of course." " What?" "Where is he?" "He's in fucking Vegas." " Shotgun." " Oh." "Oh, no." "Hey, Stu?" "I don't enjoy talking to you that way." "I don't know why you insist an making me blow my tap." "We've been an a lat of adventures together... but it seems like you haven't learned anything." "Anything!" "You think unit." "I'll be in the limo." "He's okay." "Someone needs to burn this place to the ground." "I told myself I would never came back." "Well, don't worry." "It all ends tonight." "It says 200 yards up an the right." "And there it is." "Amazing." "Lacks like he ditched it." " It's open." " Na shit." "Well, lack around." "Let's see if he left anything in here." " I found the Demerol." " Good." "Keep it, we're gonna need it." "I gut my phone." "Na fucking keys, though." " Alan, anything?" " Na, not even the gold." " Why the fuck would Chow come down here?" " I know, right?" "Why here?" "ANNOUNCER [ON TV]:" "You can't match the pure strength and power... of John Gena!" " Cena pubs Punk down!" "CASSIE:" "Oh!" "Ha, ha." "Nice!" "Excuse me." "Have you happened to see the driver... of that minivan that's out front?" "Short Asian guy'?" "Yeah, they're all short." "Ha, ha." "That's so true." "Right, but he may have been trying to pawn some gold." "That would be my business, wouldn't it?" "ALAN:" "I like your T-shirt." "I saw that show at the Forum." "He played "Captain Jack."" "Yeah, I heard that was legendary." "Woman... you have no idea." "Try me." "Cassie, I'm hungry." "I thought you ordered Chinese." "Mam, I'm with a customer!" " You'll eat when I say it's time to eat!" " But the doctor..." "If you don't reverse that right now, there's gonna be hell to pay." "[LAUGHS]" "[ALAN CONTINUES LAUGHING]" "She's rude." "Thank you." "Yeah, you hear that, Ma?" "Nobody likes you!" "Yeah, keep your mouth shut!" "Whoa." "You're smart." "A Chinese guy came in here earlier." "It was pretty weird." "He pawned a gold brick." "The thing's worth 400 grand, he tack 18,000." " Did he say where he was going?" " I'm sorry, was I talking to you?" "He said he wanted three things:" "He wanted some girls, some guys and some bath salts." "I gave him a card for an escort service and he tank off." "Pretty high-end, so good luck getting anything out of them." "Thank you." "[RETCHES]" "We gotta go." "We should go." " Yeah." " Yeah." "I'll get it, I'll get it." "I'll get it." "Anything?" "Na, I'm still an hold." "Oh, lack haw happy this fucking guy is." "Have you ever witnessed a moment with that much heat?" "I mean, white-hat heat, bra!" "Na, it was pretty intense." "Yeah!" "STU:" "Yeah, it's actually an emergency." "He has a thick Asian accent." "I totally get it... but this is a highly unusual circumstance and" "Okay." "All right." "It's an escort service." "They're not gonna tell us shit." "Maybe an escort would." " You still have her number'?" " Yeah, but... it'd be pretty awkward." "It's all we gut." "She smiled at me again, from inside the shop." "Ha, ha." "This is the best day of my life." "[DOORBELL RINGS]" "ALL:" "Hey!" "Oh, my God, you guys." "It's been so lung." " Came in, came in." " Thank you." " You look great." " So do you!" "You're pregnant." "I feel so fat." "Oh, please." "Dc you guys mind taking your shoes off?" "I'm a germ freak." " Yeah, sure." " Of course." "Alan." "Alan, what are you doing?" "ALAN:" "Sorry." " Wow, you have a great house." "JADE:" "Thank you." "I gut married a year ago to a surgeon." " Another doctor, can you believe it'?" " Another doctor." "His name's Jeff." "You guys would lave him." "Tyler, say hi to Mommy's friends." "Hi." "449'!" " 449'!" "" "Wait, is that the baby?" "JADE:" "Yeah, time flies, huh?" "STU:" "Wow." "Jade is there a place we could talk that's a little bit more private?" "Let's go in the kitchen." "You guys want coffee?" "Perfect." "He)'." "You coming?" "Is it okay if I go say hello ta the little guy?" "Of course." "Nice stuff." "Thanks." "Jeff bought it for me." "Jeff." "Who's that, your fake dad?" "Your name was Carlos once." "Did you know that?" "Na." "Well, it was." "And, frankly, it suits you better." "Okay." "Dc you remember me?" "Na." "Are you my real dad?" "Yes." "I don't know." "You gotta understand, I've been out of that world a few years now." "Yeah, of course." "We totally get that." "I mean, Jeff knows everything and he's coal, but..." "We're just asking if you can call around... just find out if anybody might know where he is." "We could really use your help." "You used to love it when I would carry you around." "Sometimes I can still feel your little head an my chest." "Sc do you like this new Jeff guy?" "Yeah, he's nice." "My dad was nice tan." "We did everything together." "He was my life partner, heh." "I really let him dawn." "Okay." "Wow." "Just trust me, you don't want to go over there, okay?" "Not this one." "I lave you tan." "She says there's this crazy Chinese guy... and he's holed up in the penthouse suite of Caesars Palace." "There's girls going in and out, drugs everywhere..." "It sounds like a bad scene." "PHIL:" "Hey, Alan?" "We gotta go." "I gotta go, little man." "It was great talking to you." "High five." " It's great to see you." " You too, Jade." " Thanks so much for your help." " Yeah." "That's a great kid you gut there." "He is the best." "TYLER:" "Alan." "Oh, hold an." "I have something for you." "Perfect." "Oh, please." "I'll see you around, Carlos." "[PHONE RINGS]" """ " Yeah." "STU"." "We got him." " Great." "Where is he?" "STU:" "Caesars Palace." "Change of plans." "Tell him we're going to Vegas." "I'm an my way." "There's a spat just outside of town." "[OVER PHONE] I'll text you the details." "Be there at 6 a.m." "And make sure the little maker's tied up." "We don't have him." "Hey, Marshall, it's Phil." "Maybe Stu wasn't clear." "We don't actually have Chow, we just know where he is." "Yeah, and we were hoping that you and your guys..." " ...could go to Caesars and get him." " I don't give a fuck what you were hoping." "[OVER PHONE] The deal is you bring Chow to me." " Oh, fuck." " 5 a.m. Or your friend is dead." "Shit." "STU:" "On, Gad." "This place gives me the chills." "I know, right?" "It's great to be back." " So many good memories." " Are you kidding me?" "Okay, so here's the deal:" "You need a key just to get onto his floor." "And then once you're there, he's gut security pasted at the dour." "It's ridiculous." "Let me guess, that's him?" "PHIL:" "Yep." "The one with the strobe lights." "I gut an idea." "But you're not gonna like it." "It's not gonna work." "Nat with that fucking attitude." "You know this whale place is made out of marbles?" "Came an." "Ga, go, go." "PHIL:" "After we stick Chow, Alan and I are gonna take him down through the lobby." "Be waiting in valet." "Engine running, ready to go." "Are you sure about this?" "Give me the Demerol." "See you in 20 minutes." " STU:" "Hey, Phil?" " Yeah?" "STU:" "Don't die." "[RAKIM MAYERS' "F""KIN' PROBLEMS" PLAYING ON STEREO]" "PHIL:" "All right." "Are you ready to do this?" "Yeah." "Wait, what are we doing?" "Holy shit." "PHIL:" "We're gonna climb dawn... and then it's about an 8-foot drop to the balcony." " All right?" " Yeah." "Na, you spit in your awn hand." "Oh, yeah." "[ALAN SNORTING]" "[CONTINUES SNORTING]" "Dry desert air." " Alan, it's fine." "You don't need it." " Okay." "On, Gad." " Unh!" " Careful!" " Phil!" " I'm all right." "I'm okay!" " Hey, Phil." " What's wrung?" "Hold an a second." " What'?" " Hold on!" "Like, kick yourself out a little bit." "Alan." " Stay still!" " Alan!" "[SHUTTER CLICKS]" "Did you get it?" "Na." "Hold an." "[SHUTTER CLICKS]" "Ha, that's coal, ha-ha-ha." "Oh!" "Fuck me!" "ALAN:" "Everything all right?" "It's okay!" "It's all right!" "I gut it!" "Whoa." "Are you okay?" "[RAKIM MAYERS' "F""KIN' PROBLEMS" CONTINUES PLAYING ON STEREO]" "Alan, it's your turn." "That's it." "Phil, I can't." "I can't." "PHIL:" "Came an." "[ALAN WHIMPERING]" "[ALAN SCREAMS]" "PHIL:" "Whoa!" "Alan, you all right?" "Phil, call Security!" " I think it's slipping!" "PHIL:" "Just hold an!" "Oh!" "Gad!" " You need to calm down." " I'm slipping, Phil!" "Oh!" "Fuck!" "Oh, shit!" "You okay?" "Help!" "Oh, no." "I'm gonna die, Phil." "Na, you're fine." "Just..." "Drop dawn to me." "ALAN:" "Na chance." "I'm good up here." "Alan, you can do this." "I'll catch you." "Just... let go." "That's it." "That's it." "Just drop straight dawn." "But don't push off." "Na!" " Oh, Gad!" " Came here!" "Holy fuck!" "You okay?" "Yeah." "Shit." "Oh, fuck." "I almost died, Phil." "Come on." "I wasn't gonna let you go." "You're my boy." "And you're my man." "Alan, what are you doing?" "Alan." "Okay." "Let's go get this fucker." "[BLACK SABBATH'S "N.l. B." PLAYING OVER STEREO]" "Hey!" "Have you seen my...?" "Huh?" "ALAN:" "Phil!" "Motherfuckers!" "PHIL:" "Grab the gun!" "Oh, fuck!" "ALAN:" "Phil!" "PHIL:" "Oh." "Phil, you okay?" "PHIL:" "Chow!" "Chow!" "[GRUNTS]" "Chow, open the fucking dour!" "Fuck." "[GIRLS SCREAMING]" "PHIL:" "Chow, stop." "You motherfuckers!" "Leslie, get down from there!" "Please!" "You're gonna hurt yourself!" "Nothing hurts Chow." "I am invisible!" "It's "invincible," and you're not." "You're just out of your fucking mind." "New get dawn from there before you die!" "Die?" "Haw do you kill what's already dead?" "Heh-heh-heh." "Oh, fuck!" "PHIL:" "Holy..." "CHOW:" "Wan-hon!" "[PHONE RINGS]" "Hey." "You okay?" "PHIL:" "No." "Look up." "[STU GASPS]" "What the fuck is that?" "PHIL:" "That's Chow!" "STU:" "What?" "Fallow him." "CHOW:" "Wan-hon!" "Whoa!" "[LAUGHING]" "I lave cocaine!" "Out of the way!" "[PEOPLE SCREAMING]" "Haw did this happen?" "PHIL:" "We had him trapped, and then he jumped!" "He's out of his fucking mind!" "CHOW:" "I'm out of my fucking mind!" "[CHOW LAUGHING]" "Wow." "Sc beautiful." "PHIL:" "Stu, do not lose him." "STU:" "I'm trying." "Whoa!" "[STU SIGHS]" "On, shit." "CHOW [SINGING]:" "I believe I can ﬂy." "I believe I can touch the sky." "Think about it every night and day." "We gotta pack up all this gold." "We're taking it with us." "Talk to me, Stu." "I got him." "Ha, ha." "I gut him!" "On, shit!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa." "Shit." "Fuck!" "I last him!" "Don't tell me that." "You can't lose him!" "STU:" "This is so much harder than you realize, Phil." "I'm just a dentist!" "Na, Stu, you're a fucking doctor." "New go get him." "Where the fuck did he go?" "CHOW:" "Fuck me!" "I should have thought this through!" "Shit!" "[CHOW GRUNTS]" "Move!" ""Aah!" " Stu?"" " Chow'?" " Stop the fucking car!" "PHIL:" "Stu." " I can't!" "The pedal is stuck!" "What?" "PHIL:" "Stu?" "[CHOW SCREAMING]" "STU:" "I can't see!" " Stop, motherfucker!" "STU:" "Get off!" "CHOW:" "Pull aver!" "STU:" "It won't stop!" "CHOW:" "Aah!" "Get off the car!" "I can't see anything!" "Ha-ha-ha." "We're gonna die finally." "[CAR HORN HONKING]" "[BOTH SCREAMING]" "[CHOW LAUGHING]" "STU:" "Holy shit." "PHIL:" "Stu?" "Stu, what happened?" "Stu, what's going on?" "STU:" "We had an accident, and I think he's dead." "PHIL:" "Wait, what?" "I think I killed him." "Holy shit." "He's not moving." "P H I L:" "Oh, fuck." "STU:" "Mr. Chow?" "Chow." "[CHOW COUGHING]" "Stuart?" "He's alive." "He's okay." "PHIL:" "Oh, great." "Put him in the limo and came get us." "We'll meet you at valet." "Yeah, okay." "Stu." "That was some ride, huh, pal?" "Yeah, it was pretty wild." "I can't feel my nuts." "Would you rub them and make sure they okay?" "It's aver, Leslie." "CHOW:" "Wait." "Let's make a deal." "Want Chow to blow your dick?" "Come on, Stu." "I could be a good wife to you." " STU:" "Na more deals." " Na, wait!" "Let's put the bags in the back seat." "Trunk's full." "[THUMPING FROM TRUNK]" "CHOW:" "Hey, guys?" "I'm feeling better now." "All right, it's the next exit, then four miles straight into the desert." "CHOW:" "Tell you what:" "Let me out, we split the gold four ways." "Everyone wins." "[THUMPING FROM TRUNK]" "CHOW:" "Marshall gonna kill me!" "My bland will be an your hands!" "You want Chow's ghost haunting you for rest of your life, Stu?" "Floating over you while you make fuck on your wife?" "He's not gonna kill you, Chow!" "He just wants his gold back!" "CHOW:" "It's gone." "I blew the first 20 million in Bangkok." " That's why I had to get the other half." " Enough, Chow!" "It's over!" "CHOW:" "You motherfucker!" "When I get out of this, I'm gonna rip out your fucking lungs!" "You hear me?" "You're dead!" "You're all dead!" "I didn't mean that." "Chow loses temper sometimes." "Please." "I need help." "I know that now." "That's the exit." "PHIL:" "They're here." "Alan, they're coming, grab the last bag." "CHOW:" "Please, Alan." "Doug!" "Step away from the bags." "Let's go!" "We good?" " It's all there." "I promise." "MARSHALL:" "Nat exactly." "I'm still missing the original half." "But, no, that's all we have." "Chow said he blew the other half in Bangkok." "Where is he?" "He's in the trunk." "Deal's a deal." " Doug." " Give me the keys." "What are you gonna do with Chow?" "I just wanna talk to him." "Move." "You all right?" "What the fuck?" "End of conversation." "Why would you do that?" "Leslie Chow is madness." "You don't talk to madness." "If you're lucky, you trap it in the trunk of your limo and you kill it." "You did a great thing tonight." "You should feel good about this." "What the fuck?" "You think this is a fucking game?" "Don't, don't, don't!" "On, shit!" "Toodle-loo, motherfuckers." "Chow." "Chow." "Chow, wait." "Oh, new you wanna talk, blue eyes?" "Na more silent treatment?" "Leslie." "Na." "Stay out of this, fatty." "Na, Leslie." "You shunt Phil, you gotta go through me." "What?" " Alan." " Quiet." "I'm in a stare-off." "Today you all live." "Because one of you was a friend." "Alan, what did you do?" "I unlocked the latch between the back seat and the trunk." "And left him his gun?" "Yeah, I didn't think it all the way through." "He gave Chow a fighting chance." "That's all I ever need." "CHOW:" "Fat fuck." "It's never easy, is it?" "Na one wants ta see that." "Except for me, but I was barn bad." "Hold an." "I have something for you." "Far your loyalty." " Oh, no, I don't want this, Mr. Chow." " Okay, give it back, then." "Came an." "Quick!" "Before Stu smells it." "I don't want it either, Chow." "Oh, please." "Like a squirrel doesn't want a nut." "[CHOW LAUGHING]" "It funny because he's Jewish." "Don't you get it?" "Goddamn it." "Okay, go an." "Get out of here, all of you." "Hey, chubster, I'll call you in a week." "We'll get together." "Na, Leslie, we can't befriends anymore." "What?" "You're not good for me." "It's not healthy." "Alan, you're not thinking straight." "Let's just talk tomorrow." "Leslie, you're one of the coolest and nicest guys I've ever met." "And you're smart and you're funny and everybody loves you." "Alan." "What is this?" "When we get together, bad things happen and people get hurt." "Yeah, that's the paint." "It's funny." "Well, I've gotta make some changes in my life, and this is one of them." "I'm sorry." "Farewell, Leslie Chow." "You're cold as ice." "Shotgun." "[PHIL SIGHS]" "Everybody okay?" "Yeah." "PHIL:" "Alan, you okay?" "Yeah." "Goad." "Let's go home." "Jesus Christ." "You know what, guys?" "You can go ahead without me." "There's something I need to do." "Dc you even know haw to get home?" "Of course I do." "I'm a grown man." "I'll ask a stranger." "Goad luck, Alan." "We'll see you scan." "Did you know that just a couple blocks from here... there's a place that lacks exactly like Paris, France?" "I can't remember what it's called, but it's supposed ta be magnificent." "It's called Paris Hotel and Casino, and it is magnificent." "Yeah, that's it." "Well, I'd like to take you to dinner there." "Tonight." "Oh, sorry." "Na can do." "Oh, well..." "I'm banned from the casino for life." "Plus 10 years." "I tank Mam there for her birthday, played a little blackjack." "She split 10s." " Oh." " I may have overreacted." "They said it was abuse of an elderly." "Ha, ha." "I've done that." "Heh." "Right?" "Whatever." "I can't go back there." "But, uh..." "Golden Nugget has the best prime rib in town, if that's..." "Well, that sounds glorious." "I'll send for you at 8:00." "Is that it'?" "[BOTH CHUCKLE]" "I saw it once in a pornography." "Oh." "It's a nice gesture." "But maybe we should wait." "Oh." "Okay." "Yeah, yeah." "[CHUCKLES]" "I'll see you at 8." "You lack great, Alan." "What do you think?" "Hat or no hat?" "Uh..." " Hat." "Far sure." " Oh, yeah." "Okay." "Wow." "Who's this guy?" "The vest and the cane?" "I lave it." "Thank you." "Cassie picked it out for me." "You lack like Mr. Peanut." "Yeah, I know, right?" "That's what I was going far." " Maybe we'll just lose it." " Yeah." "Hey, Alan, I was just talking to Cassie." "She's an amazing woman." "Oh, thank you for saying that." "She is an amazing woman." "I find her much better than your wives." "Aw." "That's sweet." "Which reminds me." "Um, we need to talk." "Doug?" "All right, listen, fellas." "New that I'm getting married, I'm gonna be spending a lat more time with Cassandra." " Yeah." "It's the way it should be." " No, you slow your roll, Phil, okay?" "There's more." "And you're not gonna like this part." "I must resign from the wolf pack." "Wow, that's a big step, Alan." "ALAN:" "I know." "But she's my soul mate." "And my new best friend." "Plus, she lets me mount her... which relaxes me." "Oh, my Gad." "Alan, maybe never say that part again." "Chillax, Doug, we're all adults here." "I know you mount my sister." "I've seen it." "Many times." "What?" "Alan, you are the best." "The paint is:" "You need to let me go." "You in particular." "I can't be your hero anymore." "Okay." "Sure." "Having said all that..." "I still would like ta get together an Tuesdays for bowling... and alternating Sundays for general horseplay." " Haw about we play all that by ear?" " Alan, it's time." "Here we go." "Ready?" "[SIGHS]" "I'm ready." "[PHIL GRUNTING]" "What the fuck?" "Oh." "[G LASS SHATTERS]" "[STU LAUGHING]" "[LAUGHING]" "Oh, my Gad." "You guys." "We're so crazy." "I'm wearing women's underwear." "Ha-ha-ha." "Oh, my Gad." "Ha-ha-ha." "Stu, don't freak out, but you need to lack dawn." "What?" "Oh, my God!" "[CASSIE CONTINUES LAUGHING]" "[YELLS]" " PHIL:" "Ha-ha-ha." " Aah!" "[CASSIE CONTINUES LAUGHING]" "PHIL:" "Oh, fuck!" "I have boobies now!" "Holy shit!" "STU:" "It's not funny!" "Alan, what did you do?" "What did you do, Alan?" "The wedding cake." "It was from Leslie." "[GLASS BREAKING]" "Oh, my Gad." "We had a sick night, bitches." "Heh-heh-heh." "[SCREAMING]"