"This is a place full of history, history" "lost in the murk of the unconscious mind which confuses fear with freedom, history that darkens a soul's peace and converges in the desesperate desire of the caged bird yearning to be free." "GROSNIK INSANE AS YLUM" "THE KEY" "Stories of dreams held behind bars and of men who've become their own jailor." "Stories which speak, also, of the key in all of uswhich lets us open the prison door and fly free." "I assure you in the 20 years I've been here" "I've heard some strange cases but yours, frankly, is the most intriguing by far." "Wouldn't you agree, Mr.?" "..." "Loser!" "Mr." "Loser." "Loser." "What you told me when you got here is hard to believe." "It's hard even for me to believe." "You were admitted with multiple neuroses a paranoid schizophrenic with a persecution complex." "And my voice was hoarse to boot there was a draft." "Yes, well... from day on you made friends with the worst case here." "Excuse me, but Joselito is a decent guy, he's the only one who's kept me company." "Brains of a flea and the strength of an ox, he isn't fit to be with anyone." "Joselito and I are leaving when we pass the test." "Look, you little shit!" "I don't give a rat's ass if you stay or not." "You're not crazy, just stupid." "I made it easy for you to pass the test and be released." "FINAL EXAM" "But Joselito stays, got it?" "And do you know why?" "Because the little orphan makes the best pepperoni pizza I've ever had, by far" "and I won't be left without a cook." "Joselito!" "Good evening, don't get up." "On such a big occasion that's all you can say?" "Yes, good evening, don't get up." "Good, well, sit down and on to the test." "You must be eager to leave." "Pl=3'14" "MARTIANS HAVE LANDED" ""This is Spain?"" "We'll go to Spain another time." "Perfectly executed... let's round this out." "Some of us go and some of us stay behind." "Sometimes you have to dive deep into the mind" "and rummage through the deepest thoughts, and if you truly search inside you will find THE KEY." "But there isn't only one key that unlocks each man's door to freedom, others exist." "There are keys which free our spirits, as well as those of others." "Keys which won't open every door but will open a few windows." "ESCAPE IN PROGRESS" "At the Grossnik maximum security hospital for the criminally insane there's one less bird." "Pardon me." "But the cage remains shut, because between these walls every mind has its own story and every story holds its own key." "There can be no greater joy for a father than to have raised his son well, to be a good citizen." "So many happy moments we had watching him grow." "It seems only yesterday he arrived and yet the time had come to say goodbye and watch the boy poor Olivia and I had dedicated our lives to leave the nest." "P. TINTO'S MIRACLE" "As I watched him go I remembered how long ago I'd dreamed of having a family of my own." "P. TINTO'S FAMILY" "Now, let's concentrate and we'll eventually understand." "Is The Supreme Being God the Father?" "Mr. Ulecia?" "Yes, God is the Father." "And is the Only Begotten Son also God?" "Mr. Torres de Castro!" "Yea, yea, the Son is God." "And the Holy Spirit, Mr. Gomez?" "Yes, Father Martian." "The Holy Paradigmatic Spirit is also God." "Very good." "So, if God is the Father and God is the Son and God is also the Holy Spirit," "how many Gods are there in Heaven?" "Mr. P. Tinto?" "Three!" "Two?" "One?" "None!" "Please!" "And it was at that moment in my youth, that I met just the woman I needed." "Hello." "Just what I'm looking for." "I don't know if this will be enough, but it's exactly what I need." "No woman had ever looked at me like that before." "Who else could be the mother of my children?" "The Holy Spirit!" "Meeting Olivia was like the dawning of a new day." "It's for you." "Being an Aquarius," "I figured you'd like frogs." "I love frogs." "And being mature people, we began preparing ourselves for the future." "YOUR CHILD = YOUR FRIEND" "Show them affection, pat them preferably on the head always back to front, never the reverse." "Lead them by the hand, which is at the end of the arm." "TANTRUM = SMACK" "I don't want it!" "I don't want it!" "I don't want it!" "Oh yes you do!" "Finger on the right, none on the left." "Now tap gently and" "Voila!" "It appears on the left!" "Repeat indefinitely." "Look!" "There goes another one!" "Any experience was welcome and the advice we got we took to heart." "But when we really saw the light of day it was by accident one summer afternoon at a gas station." "What I wouldn't do to have eight kids lend a hand." "Tell me..." "What's your secret?" "No secret, just the old tra-la-lee!" "It's the only way!" "Tra-la-lee!" "Tra-la-lee!" "Olivia and I kept our newfound knowledge to ourselves." "But she felt thanks were in order for such a valuable tip." "Do you ask St. Nicholas for a lot of Miracles?" "Whatever I can, the way I see it the best thing about miracles is you get them for free." "Go on, you try." "Speak from the heart, St. Nicholas will hear you." "If you want it, with all your might and it benefits all of humanity, he'll make it come true." "My dear children yesterday a miracle occurred." "Father Martian, your beloved tutor, was struck by a bolt of lightening from heaven." "No!" "No!" "That's not the miracle!" "The miracle is that Father Martian was on an Orbea bike made right here in Spain it grounded him saving his life... but not his bangs," "which are lost forever." "Until he recovers I'll be the substitute." "Unlike Father Martian's bangs my love for Olivia continued to grow over the next 15 years." "Tell me, P. Tinto, is it true what they say that the sun's red and round like a ball?" "I was happy but my doubts about Olivia's eyesight kept growing." "That walking stick she used..." "Those books with bumpy pages..." "The way she manhandled the mailbox..." "I don't know." "I felt confused." "I needed proof." "If you see something coming," " Get out of the way." "Ready?" " Yes, but... what are we doing?" "Be patient!" "What fun!" "Holy Splattered Helen Keller!" "Only one person in the world could offer me advice at such a crucial moment." "My father, the real P. Tinto." "Son, life's a chain and we're the links." "Your grandfather was a P. Tinto, I'm a P. Tinto, you are a P. Tinto." "Your duty is to bring a P. Tinto into the world so that one day he'll run this company with a firm hand." " How's production, Crispin?" " The usual." "Good but lots of work." "A son is what gives life meaning... that, and our contract with the Vatican to make wafers, and the family limousine you'll inherit when I'm gone." "My son, always remember..." "For generations, a P. Tinto has had 3 distinguishing characteristics that are evident wherever he goes." "A P. Tinto always keeps his head high." "Always optimistic." "A P. Tinto's presence is always felt he dresses casual," "but with flair." "And above all, a P. Tinto never runs out of energy." "And don't forget a P. Tinto likes his sugar with a hint of coffee." "But Father it seems like she's blind!" "Look here, do you love her?" "I hadn't seen Father Martian since the bolt struck him." "His bangs were gone but he was unchanged." "As your witness and given that you've come before God, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, that is to say before The One True God..." "Can we please pay attention!" "O.k.!" "That's it!" "I pronounce you Man and Wife." "Now, get to work on having children and beat it." "Go on!" "Olivia was mine, now all we needed was to find a centrally located house and make it our home." "What did I tell you?" "Isn't she a beauty?" "What with that contract with the Vatican, selling buns... this is an upscale place." "Wafers, they're communion wafers and it's a modest contract, any day they could send us the RED LETTER." "What are you talking about..." "A RED LETTER?" "You and yours will be sitting pretty." "Look what a view!" "Lots of light..." "Isn't it a bit out of the way?" "Out of the way?" "From where?" "In ten minutes you're over there, or over there," " Or there." " Come on!" "No, you come on!" "Damned RED LETTER!" "Look, Mr. RED LETTER the Northern Supersonic Express comes through here." "Really!" "How often?" "I don't have the schedule on me right now but, approximately every 25 years." "I said approximately." "Hey!" "What a coincidence!" "DEPOT" "SPECIAL DELIVERY" "Public transportation brings life to an area." "Doesn't it stop?" "What for?" "It only comes once every 25 years." "It's hard to put into words how eagerly we prepared for a little P. Tinto." "Olivia took control of the house showing the virtue she'd always displayed, thriftiness." "Having read somewhere about the possibility of twins," "I wanted to be prepared for anything." "We wanted children more than anything, so we applied ourselves." "Night after night, day after day," "at the office in our tree house even at the funeral of my father, the real P. Tinto." "Gone is the man who was never mislead from piety even when he rolled in the dough." "But the stork never came." "TO YS" "We fell into despair, and a knot formed in Olivia's stomach which didn't go away until the Eurovision Music Awards," "but that was just before she died." "Then, one night, as tragic proof of our failure, the Northern Supersonic Express wentby right on schedule." "Even so, it was quite a night!" " This U.F.O. is a piece of crap!" " Take it easy." "Where are we, Lieutenant?" "The Moon, Big Dipper, Ganymede..." "Must be that blue planet we could see out my window." "I've heard about this place." "The food is supposed to be good." "Should we try land?" "Land?" "You can have all you want." "I remember that day clearly." "It began with great news." "WAR BREAKS OUT" "The storks are here!" "Olivia!" "Olivia!" "Olivia!" "The children!" "Give us a break!" "We're not" "P. Tintos!" "Maybe with my last name?" "Prieto?" " Are you Prietos?" " No, I tell you!" "Look here... my parents." "Look at it!" "It is a good shot." " Is it recent?" " No way!" "It's at least 40 yrs." "Old." "We don't age, you know." "But we're good guys." "Our planet's small, see, and the food really isn't very good." "It just isn't." "So I said let's take the UFO," " Let's go for a spin." " But the UFO's a lemon," "Iousy mileage." "It all happened so fast!" "Seeing you both in your cradles, asleep, like we'd always imagined..." "We've waited 25 yrs." "to have children." "And I saw a likeness..." " Yuck!" "Don't slurp your milk!" " He's a little odd." "I don't mind staying until you find something more permanent." "What a cool invention, this mattress thing is!" "And what about the pillow for your head?" "Smart, eh?" "This here's a real planet!" "I was glad my father didn't see my failure." "Still, I mustered my strength and rallied Olivia for one last round of the old tra-la-lee, asking myself where we'd gone wrong." "On we went." "Night after night, day after day," "in the office, on weekends," "even on the anniversary of my father's death." "Here lies a man who left behind a host of dunces." "We must have really offended" "St. Nicholas to deserve this." "Soda!" "Another totally cool invention!" "This planet's a gas!" " A gas!" " You're telling me!" "Everything is so modern and so well thought out." "Grandpa eskimo Grandma eskimo" "Papa eskimo Mama eskimo." "What's with the black guy?" "We'd be nuts to go home." "What?" "Good hand?" "Well..." "Anyway..." "Grandpa Grandma" "Papa Mama and kid Eskimo flush!" "Hold on..." "Chinaman Chinawoman" "China kid Black guy" "Black kid Full house!" "Pull up stakes." "The old lady's got the grub ready." "Just yesterday they were in their cribs and now here we are" "25 years later... 25 years?" "Kids, Get away from there!" " What's the matter with the old man?" " Come on!" "Hurry!" "Don't tell me." "The train's coming." "It's the Mothership!" "TALKING NEWSREEL" "CURRENT EVENTS" "Each year the Pelaez's celebrate Mother's Day in the company of their 16 children who fill their home with love and joy." "Here we see them exchanging gifts that each child has painstakingly labored to make." "Later the family gathers in their modern living room, anxiously awaiting the performance of the budding star of the family." "Dearest mother, in my heart I carry a flower you give my life meaning and I honor you with all my heart." "Because you'rrrrrrrrrrrrrre... the apple of my eye." "Hello to the children of Spain." "What a kissass!" "INT'L NEWS" "Motumbu Central Africa" "Scores of children have voluntarily left to seek a better life free from hunger and pain in more civilized areas." "Responding to the adoption request, we see the first lucky boy arriving at the nation's airport." "There to greet him is the Pelaez Family, anxious to begin the process of educating him." "The news that hundreds of children suffered miserably in Africa filled our hearts with joy." "Even Olivia regained some of her old spark." "Stop horsing around!" "You have any idea how what our light bills are?" "Thoughtless kids..." "How exciting!" "I can hardly wait!" "Go on... he listened to you last time." "St. Nicholas, I haven't asked for anything in years." "We're getting old and we shouldn't let this chance go by." "We only want a child to educate and to love." "Our own P. Tinto." "We only ask that this letter be delivered." "Oh, yes, and if possible that he like frogs." "So we can share interests." "For the second time in my life that piece of wood heard me." "Don't worry!" "This is nothing!" "It's a good vehicle, - 100% made in Spain." "USILLOS REPAIRS" "Just a kick in the butt and we'll be on our way." "Of course!" "Here's the problem." "Spanish three-wheel car," "Spanish motor," "Spanish fan, and they stick in a German spark plug!" "What is it with putting foreign parts where they don't belong?" "I'm sick of saying the same thing over and over." "Hey!" "Where you going?" "I see you sneaking off!" "I'll have it fixed in no time!" "What a dummy." "Why do I stop for these damned foreigners anyway?" "Soon, Lord, we'll share the abundant feast we eat each day with the child who is on his way to us." "Pardon me, ma'am which is the pea and which is the meatball?" "You see, I'm colorblind." "Hear our prayer and bring the black child to us to fill our home with joy and love." "Is a black child edible?" "My son, never forget..." "A P. Tinto always keeps his head high always optimistic." "He dresses casual, but with flair, and above all, a P. Tinto never runs out of energy." "Good evening, don't get up." "Our prayers had been answered!" "Hey, what's going on?" "Eat, my little baby, you'll grow so big." "Up to now, rationing, the black guy comes, and it's rancho deluxe!" "Calm yourself, jealousy's normal the 1st day." "What jealousy?" "!" "We're sick of being treated like children!" "This isn't a bad life but we're adults for Chrissakes!" "He's not sharing the potatoes!" "Don't make a scene!" "Hear me?" "Coffee, dear?" "You know, my father your grandfather used to have a hint of coffee" "with his sugar." "Frog?" "You like frogs?" "Do you think he's happy?" "He hasn't given me a kiss yet." "He might be a Watusi." "Watusis don't like celebrations, unlike the Mandingas, who express their gratitude in song." "Wait, maybe he's Mandinga." "Nice cradle, huh?" ""Prefect"... just the right size." "Hey..." "He's not as dumb as he looks." "Let's get one thing straight." "Hey you big ape, off the bed!" "Ugua!" "Aloyuyu!" "Just here for the weekend, right?" "Tell him about Bartolo so he gets an idea." "There were three of us..." "Three!" "Yeah, three!" "Listen to what happened to Bartolo." "The three of us where on the UFO we see this place and this wisecraker here asks Bartolo to get some Fritos." "Barbecue flavor, you know." "Go on." "Bartolo's down there with that stupid look, we take off in the spaceship." "And he said..." ""You stupid assholes!"" "But he must miss us, or at least his gold Rolex..." "So, shove over fat ass!" "You're sleeping in the dresser." "Let's see, what does the Master want?" " To have some fun!" " Great, "prefect"!" "If you'd please be so kind as to tell the lady of the house to hold all calls." "Fake sleep, buddy or she'll put you in the tub." "You can't trust her." "Who's first for the bath?" "Pardon me?" "Ah, Pancho." "Pancho, Pancho, Panchito you're so hairy!" "Mama's little hairy bear!" "We'll have so much fun!" "This little piggy went to market... this little piggy stayed home this little piggy ate roast beef this little piggy ate none and this little piggy..." "Now the soap..." "CLOROX BLEACH" "What have I done lieutenant?" " What have I done?" " I can't believe you!" "Wee wee wee, all the way home!" "I'll kill you you blind old bat!" "Don't want to, eh?" "Yes you do!" "Take that!" "Next it'll be tantrums!" "We loved our little lamb with all our heart769 though he wasn't the playful black boy we expected." "I figured with time he would loosen the knot in Olivia's stomach." "I'm worried about Pancho." "I might need to burp him." "Take him to the Emergency Room." "No, it's just first day jitters." "The boys get him riled up." "I think he just needs to settle in." "No, what he needs is some privacy." "In this house?" "Where?" "The library." "Here we go." "Space for your books, yes, but not for your own flesh and blood!" "But it's so small!" "Take down a wall." "Repairmen in the house again." "If this keeps up you'll be taking us both to the hospital." "Calm down." "He's in good hands." "The older ones love having him in their room." "To top it off he snores!" "That angel's a winner." "Lights off, meathead!" "We want to sleep!" "Did the little rat enjoy his week of vacation?" " I'm hungry." " Hungry?" "You shouldn't have run away!" "I wanted to have my 1st communion like the twins." "How could you?" "A wafer's not going to fill you up." "All you can do is climb chimneys." "Give me that filthy book!" "You're driving me crazy!" "You can't even read, you little bastard." "Bastard!" "Bastard!" "It's your mommy." "Know what she did?" "Ran off with a loser of a Spanish sailor and here's the result, the little rat!" "Good thing he died in the war squashed like a bug." "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes, your mommy, too, the little tart." "Your mommy's dead!" "Your mommy's dead!" "Your mommy's dead!" "Squashed like a bug!" "Gimmie that book!" "Your mommy's dead!" "Your mommy's dead!" "You fell asleep reading, honey." "Come now, give me a kiss." "Don't make me ask." "Let's not wake your brothers." "They're adopted but we love them anyway." "Now it's time to say 'nite nite' with our hand." "In the morning we say 'morning'." "At night we say 'nighty night'." "You're going to learn so much." "There now, go to sleep." "Lights out!" "There you have it." "It was the fan belt." "British!" "What's with this foreign stuff!" "Gibraltar for Spain and that's that!" "Nobody has the guts to say so." "The hell with fish and chips." "Here we go again, Italian hose," "Portuguese fan," "Dutch pump, the only good thing here, 100% Spanish, has to be the hood." "SPANISH HOOD" "Take it from me." "This wasn't the idea." "But since you've ok'd the estimate and it's not too tough a job," "I'll get to work and it'll be ready by tonight." "But let me tell you this line of work's o.k." "Pays the bills, but my real calling, what I really want to be, is..." " A UfOlogist?" " You got it." "Flying saucer and extraterrestial expert." " For that job you need special tools." " You got it." "Electric Ruler MYHOME" "Watch this." "MYHOME brand." "Made right here in Spain." "You've got the ACME brand." " Some like it..." " The American one!" "Right, but it screws things up half the time." "See what I mean?" "Oh, of course this is for martians who rarely grow more than a meter and a half." "I just told you it's exactly 2 meters, perfect for a library!" "Quite a place you've got here mister." "What a load of crap!" "?" "WEIGHT AND MEASUREMENT" "Bingo!" "..." "Here." "Almost." "What the hell do I do now?" "What's the length?" " 2 meters." " Exactly." "Give or take a meter." "Here's the Bible." "What it says, goes." "Since this is going to be the baby's room with a little carpeting, and the socket there," " By the night table," " Hold it!" "This is getting complicated!" "Lay down acrylic surface, put in a socket where there is none, where you want it, complete with 2 holes." "Just what I needed." "With no truck and I've got to rip out cables, match insulating tape." "But it's easy!" "Oh, sure!" "It looks easy to you!" "You go ahead and lift tiles, see what you find!" "Listen, Usillos Repairs does quality work!" "Floors changed?" "O.k." "Ground wires?" "We ground them." "But, and I'm telling you this up front, if we gotta dig, we dig." "It's to have pre-transformation picture." "Don't move." "Right-o." "That was the beginning of times to remember." "Usillos got to work, the children prospered," "the Mandinga settled in, and for the first time Olivia and I contemplated our joyous family." "I felt like the luckiest man alive." "What could go wrong?" "RED LETTER" "Dear Sir, I'm sorry to inform you we will no longer require your services." "In these tight times we are under increasing pressure to return the manufacture of hosts to the Church." "The Holy Father regrets cancelling the contract held between the P. Tinto Host Co." "And the Vatican which has been so successfully maintained for 150 years." "This decision, however, could be reversed if before the 31st of the month your company updates itself to fit into this modern world." ""Sincerely," "The Vatican Ambassador"." "Crispin, we're done for." "And with all the work we have now." "I think the Pope wants us to bring in new blood, modernize things." "I see what you're saying but you already brought in those Xmas elves, and all they did was eat leftover dough!" "This will be different!" "I'm talking about my own son." "Do you know how long it takes to train someone to do this job?" "I've been here 74 yrs." "and I still don't know what all the buttons are for!" "You do a good job but with automation it runs itself." "Automation?" "!" "Don't get me started!" "Damn automation." "What if it stalls?" "Who's going to be here to start it?" "This son of yours, what's his background?" "He's young and eager to learn." "Yeah, yeah." "What's he studied?" "You're not thinking of giving him a crash course?" "You're gonna flip!" "He'll shit in his pants!" " Whaddaya think?" " Hey, a moped!" "What?" "!" "A moped with a sidecar!" "It's not a moped, meathead!" "It's a flying saucer!" "A scooter, but it goes." " Does it fly?" " Does it fly?" "!" "It does stuff that'll make your head spin!" "Come on." "You can travel through time." "What about travelling through time?" "Nothing, forget it." "We'll fix it up and you're going on a trip to the Middle Ages." "You sonnofabitch!" "You can visit your folks." "I'd do anything to kiss my mom." "What a wise guy!" "You're a real card, you are, frog eater." "Game's up!" "Get that thing out of here and clean up this mess before your dad gets home." "Universal Plunger, MYHOME" "He's just a big kid." "DRIVER'S MANU AL" "Congratulations!" "You are now the proud owner of an aerodynamic coupe de ville." "We hope this vehicle will accompany you on your many travels through time." "I've got a neat little spaceship..." "All galvanized steel, with swivel seats, and four speeds vroom vroom... vroom vroom..." "A spaceship coupe, 2 door... modern radio included... and completely installed steel brake pads... vroom vroom..." "One way or another, you end up digging." "MARTIAN INVADERS" "You can travel back in time, revisit the past." "Go where?" "It's nothing, take a trip, see your folks." "...sturdy, gets 10 miles per gallon." "Pretty cool, eh?" "Stereoscopic Plumbing Scope MYHOME." "D ANGER!" "TRUMPETER MARTIAN!" "What a specimen!" "A trumpeter 2 meters tall!" "Come on!" " Bring the tool!" " Which one?" "I have a neat little spaceship..." "Rustproof..." "Leopard seats..." "Optional luggage rack... vroom vroom..." "Burnt spark plug." "Typical." "Electronic Data Gatherer Device MYHOME." "Alien presence detected in the work site." "Use extreme caution due to its extraterestial nature and above all beware, it's foreign." "If this is handled right, a lot will have to go wrong to stop Usillos, and that's me, from entering NASA, through the VIP door." "I told Bartolo watch out for the spark plug." "When it's cold use the starter, it's got reclining seats... vroom vroom... vroom vroom..." "You can take a little ride, go back to your folks..." "It's got reclining seats and 4 speeds, vroom vroom... vroom vroom..." "GROSSNIK LO ADING DOCK" ""SPANISH" CHEESE" " I have to board now." " Don't leave me!" "Look, sweetie." "This is where I'll be cooking." "Spain, known the world over for its gallantry, excellence, and the smashing taste of its cheeses." "It's your dad's home." "Where dreams come true." "It says so right here." "Don't go!" "Spain's a beautiful place." "I'll work hard and send money so you can study hard and be smart like he was." "Your mommy's going away!" "Your mommy's going away!" "I'll always be with you, Joselito, even when you can't see me." "Even so, if ever you feel alone remember our secret." "Climb high, as high as you can, near heaven where dreams are kept." "Close your eyes and make a wish." "If your heart is true, when you open them, your wish will come true." " Give me a kiss, my son." " No!" "Just one kiss..." "Joselito!" " Just one kiss..." " No!" "Just one kiss..." " I don't love you!" " Your mommy's going away." "Kiss me, my son!" "One kiss!" "No!" "Just a little kiss!" "Joselito!" "I don't love you!" "Your mommy's gone!" " Your mommy's gone!" " No!" "I can't stand it!" "We've got to fix the ship" " So he can split." " Where will we find a spark plug?" "Come on, man!" "Brunelleschi." "The architect Brunelleschi designed the archivolted arch to architectonically construct the cupola of the cathedral in Florence, a renaissance archetype from the year 1425." "I wanted to surprise the Pope and have the boy ready before the 31st." "That's how my father would have done it." "The Vatican had no idea what we P. Tinto's would do to keep our name up in lights." "P. TINTO FAMILY" "Train A leaves Sebastopol heading for Barbastro with an order of wafers." "An hour later," "Train B leaves Barbastro for Sebastopol at 300 kms." "an hour on the same track." "Keeping in mind they're 500 miles apart..." "Typical." "Pack your bags, big guy, the ship's ready." "But it's really very simple." "What do you mean we don't have to dig!" "I'm surrounded by idiots." "You've often heard that the Romans invented bread, that the Romans transported water, the Romans this, the Romans that..." "Long live the Romans!" "Fine." "So you get the idea, the Romans, a bunch of crap compared to the Etruscans!" "Take the wine and pour it freely over two fat chickens." "One chicken!" "There are only 5 of us!" "No ma'am." "Two chickens." "It says so right here..." "Extraterrestrial Detector MYHOME." "MARTIAN BIMBO" "Trout, being a cool fish is usually found in cold waters particularly in the Alps." "To fish you need a rod..." "Pancho surprised me many times during the course." "His love of the Etruscans, his fondness for sports, his ability to add using hardly any fingers, but what really moved me was his ability to sense that our home needed love." "OLIVIA I LUV YOU" "For Mother's Day." "I'm so proud of you, cuddly bear." "Man, what a bash to end the school year." "I'm all choked up." "Me too." "Bet you can't guess who I miss?" "Can't imagine." "Gimme a hint." "He's short." "Stupid looking?" "Yup." "A little light in his loafers?" " Had a gold Rolex?" " Yup." "You stupid assholes!" "Bartolo!" "Come on, you try." "Think of a character." " Huh?" " Think of somebody." "and we'll guess." "Mine is sad and hopeless." " Usillos!" " You sonnofabitch!" "A child alone in the world." "A child whose only thought is to run away." "To where?" "Far away from where he wasn't loved, pack his stuff, climb high as high as a chubby kid can climb, to be near heaven where dreams are kept, to close his eyes and wish that" " He be taken away." " And...?" "Nothing." "Noreaster 30 knots with" " Occasional gusts." " And at night?" "Partly cloudy with a chance of rain." "But at daybreak his wish came true." "They came to take him to his new home." "GROSNIK INSANE AS YLUM" "He's crazy." "He's crazy." "He's crazy." "He's crazy." "He's crazy." "He's crazy." "Those bloody twins!" "Do you think I could see my mom with the moped?" "Of course you could!" "We'll make sure of that!" "Those twins have it coming to them!" "Off to your drawers, then." "I need an early start tomorrow." "Life on the wild side's better." "Where is that guy?" "He didn't even use the choke!" "That jerk..." "let's try her out." "Put it back 4 seconds in time." "Just 4 seconds?" " Just to see if it works." " O.k., go on." "Believe me, we'll get him outta our hair." "It'll be fun at the factory, you'll see." "Crispin knows the ropes." "He's a great guy." "What?" "No..." "Look..." "Daddy, Daddy." "Cruising with Daddy..." "Extraterrestrial Lesson Teacher MYHOME." "That's what the guy needs, a good lesson!" "The whole liter will blow your mind!" "Not even 4 seconds back?" "The crank's jammed." "What a lemon!" "Daddy, Daddy." "Cruising with Daddy..." "One more time, with feeling." "Regress 4 seconds." "Regressing..." "Regressing..." "You're such a good driver." "P. TINTO HOST COMPANY" "Like I told your father, this factory's a one man operation, and I'm it." "You want to see how things work, well, I'll show you." "So..." "That contraption takes flour, adds water, some salt not too much, not too little, just right." "It goes into the kneader, no lumps." "Then cuts them into circles round, smooth edges, into the oven not too hot, take 'em out, let 'em cool, and then..." "They've got exactly the right crunch." "Don't worry, it's all automatic." "You would have to say that!" "What are you up to?" "I don't know what you're doing but you look guilty." "What do you expect?" "After 25 years we're replaced by a newer model." "You're jealous of Panchito?" "Why should we be?" "Because you only kiss him good night?" "Or make him cheesecake?" "Or let him drive the car?" "Your feet don't even reach the pedals!" "What a fucking bitch!" "Double host with cheese." "With cheese, with cheese..." " But it's...?" " Crunchy?" "No, that was my back." "It's killing me." "Pancho was punished for his insolence." "He had to respect other's beliefs even if he didn't share them." "Go to hell, I'm outta here!" "This is it!" "Why?" "Why?" "Why" "It was a painful time, a time when a father must stand his ground." "Why?" "I want to give my mommy a kiss!" "Let him in, for God's sake!" "She asked me to!" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "I only want to give you the kiss you asked for!" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "My mommy!" "Suffer, you pig." "I had such faith in him." "Give him a chance to test his ideas." "Mommy!" "What ideas?" "His." "You're old, maybe Pancho sees the business differently." "Differently?" "What other way is there to make hosts?" "HOSTS TO GO" "HOSTS TO GO" "TOP PROFIT" "Life was good before you came along." "Who screwed up the UFO?" "You know what?" "We're going to look into your idea." "Although Pancho tried hard, what happened remains a marketing mystery." "A good hook, an aggressive ad campaign, a new approach to home deliveries, but sales to the Vatican?" "Zip." "BANKRUPT" "Things began to go really badly for the P. Tintos." "What's this I hear about host pizza?" "With pepperoni and anchovies," "P. Tinto?" "Do you want another lightening bolt to strike like before?" "Don't you get it?" "The Pope says here bring in a Priest, or that's it." "But it's a family business." "Who's to say there isn't someone with a calling right here at home?" "The boy?" "Of course." "Let me speak to him first." "I have a way with young people." "Well?" "Three in one, o.k." "But one's a dove?" "I just don't get it." "Godparents, I can only say this to you for that piece of meat with eyes to find his calling it'll take a miracle." "I already asked St. Nicholas for one." "St. Nicholas delivers." "I just don't get it." "If St. Nicholas promised you a miracle, you'll get a miracle." "Will it take long?" "I've to work to do." "Who do you think you are?" "!" "St. Nicholas is not a trained monkey!" "He delivers when he sees fit!" "He's not here for 'hey do this, ' 'do that'." "No, my son." "The saints aren't here to serve us, they're here to surprise us." "Isn't it fair to say that St. Nicholas's miracles are a little slow because before delivering the one just requested, he has to finish the ones that come first." "Father Martian didn't let the matter drop." "He kept looking for a calling." "What do you say, Crispin?" "Are you up for it?" "I already told you there's a ton of work right now." "Find yourself some other sucker." "Carmelite, Carmelite," "Carmelite, Carmelite..." "There's no Carmelite listed." "But when the calling is there, you find it." "And that's how it was." "Oh happy day, we're going to the house of the Lord." "Our feet are at the gate of" "Jerusalem." "You can travel back in time." "Don't leave me here!" "Give me a kiss!" "Travel back in time." "Change the past." "You don't have a spaceship!" "You don't have a spaceship!" "That flashlight's driving me crazy!" "I told you we might have to dig, didn't I?" "The boy's room is taking longer than we thought." "Ah, the boy... that's it." "Listen," "I know it's not my business, but I have to tell it like it is." "That boy's different from us." "Do you" " Get my drift?" " I know." "But we still love him." "But, my God, how can you love a 2 meter tall trumpeter?" "It's dangerous!" "Yes, we know." "One day when you least expect it..." "He'll knock you to kingdom come." "Leave this to us professionals, eh." "You just keep the dough coming," "I'll keep my eye on the monster." "Look, here are the floor samples." " It's not carpeting!" " You got it." "It's linoleum, made here, - 100% Spanish." "Carpeting pills." "France has lots of carpets, and the whole country is pilled." "I was thinking you could also put in a hook" " For the boy's mirror." " Jesus!" "A hook!" "That changes everything!" "Drill a hole, stick a nail in so it isn't wobbly, just so." "New estimate." "Look you don't have to be Brunelleschi." "Bruno who?" "A famous architect." "You went to someone else?" "I've half a mind to leave right now!" "Have I let myself be led by envy, greed, pride?" "Have I hidden the truth, or, on the contrary, have I done justly by revealing to Mrs. P. Tinto the fact that Joselito, in a moment of confusion, scarfed down her favorite frog?" "How can he love you if you're always scolding him?" "What if he had eaten your books?" "You'll never get rid of that knot this way." "He doesn't deserve his own room." "You were hasty with the library." "The problem is you treat him like a child." "Pancho is a grown man." "Why am I working my fingers to the bone?" "They don't appreciate it." "You are very ugly, but very very ugly..." "There's nothing about you to fall in love with" "Panchito, sweetie, want to see a movie?" "It's 'R' rated." "Our who?" " No, 'R'." " For adults." "Would you like to?" "Two what?" "To see..." "How many C's?" "Two!" "Like the number of frogs in the jar before you ate one!" "Keep it up and there's no movie for you." "What's with her?" "Try and understand your mother." "It was years of sacrifice before you came to us." "Believe me, Pancho, years of doing the old tra-la-lee..." "But Olivia does the old tra-la-lee?" "Yes." "Really?" "Don't be silly." "Yes." "I'm telling you." "The black kid's fixed the launch pad and we're outta here." "Future's looking dim." "Soon they won't have money for soda." "Let's go party somewhere else." "Party?" "Don't you understand?" "If God had wanted us to have fun instead of the Ten Commandments he would have sent the Ten Suggestions." "Man, what have they done to you?" "Go in peace." "I'm staying put." "You've been abducted!" " Totally abducted!" " Abducted?" "You fool!" "Every house we go to, they lay out a feast." "I'm staying on earth!" "You're on your own." "I'm outta here." "Let some other schmuck do the linoleum and plug." "The hole's the hardest part anyway, and that's done." "What the hell...?" " 1425." " 14 25?" "What is this?" "Regressing." "Showing him that movie was a stupid idea." "Calm down." "I switched it." "He didn't notice." "He's watching it with no help!" "It's the Eurovision Music Awards!" "Do as you please." "But I've got a knot in my stomach." "Go to him, you'll feel better." "You both need it." "Love is grand, son." "I had a girl in every port, till I understood the meaning of true love." "That's why when I saw your mom," "I stuck out my chest, freshened my breath" "and said to myself tra-la-lee." "Then," "I went for it." "Understand?" "Like a real man." "Tra-la-lee." "I remember the night" "Pancho saw his 1st Eurovision Music Awards." "The same night Olivia's stomach knot disappeared forever." "We remember her as she was." "Loving, hardworking, generous in her own way." "The past is what gives our lives meaning." "Our parents, our forebears, those we love, like Olivia, feed the flame of the past." "Just when I'd figured her out..." "This flame of love that lights our hearts with joy, this marvelous thing, the past." "The past... a piece of crap!" "Mr. P. Tinto!" "Guess who I saw?" "Brunelleschi!" "And guess how he's laying bricks?" "Side to end!" "Yes sir!" "Hasn't been done in years!" "That's why construction's a mess, because of crooks like him!" " Screw that!" " Baloney!" "Who said you could use the moped?" "Usillos was right." "I had it coming to me." "Pancho was leaving the nest." "All I want is to give Mom a kiss." "She asked for it before she was squashed." "It's all been a terrific blow." "I want you to know, my son, life won't be so easy." "Pancho, sooner or later you'd find out, so I want to tell you first." "Pancho, my dear son, you're black." "It shouldn't embarrass you." "The Cro-Magnons were black, the Egyptians, Indians, people of Arabia." "The Celts were black." "They fought, bravely, to be free." "The Assyrians, Persians were black and kinky haired," "Michael Jackson, the Vikings, and the Tsars of Russia too." " How beautiful!" " There, there..." "Magnifying Glasses MYHOME." "He won't believe this!" "Through the VIP door!" " I don't deserve it." " Whaddaya mean, tiger!" "The word's out!" "So you and Olivia..." " Horny bastard!" " Total animal!" "No, I just did what I could." "Don't be so modest!" "Spread the word!" "Joselito's an animal!" "We live with an animal!" "What an animal!" "USILLOS PRE-TRANSFORMATION" "USILLOS WITH FATHER MARTIAN" "USILLOS IN FLIGHT" "Phone "MY HOME"." "Am I at NASA?" "YYEESS!" "Where are we going?" "Is this NASA, pal?" "There can be no greater joy for a father than to have raised his son well," "to be a fine upstanding citizen." "Goodbye and pardon me." "Go on now." "Just remember..." "If a truck is heading your way, head for the shoulder." "Those guys drive like maniacs." "There now, go on." "Surprise!" " You're up early." " Chill out, man." "I've done my fair share." "Holy splattered Helen Keller!" "That suitcase has seen better days." "Nothing breakable I hope." "Don't leave me here!" "You'd go without me?" "You'd abandon me, too?" "Careful!" "My buddy!" "What buddy?" "Holy shit, Jose Ramon." "Bartolo!" "A bag of Fritos, eh?" "Hey... my gold Rolex!" "You stupid assholes!" "You're such a good sport." "Busting your balls is a riot." "You're a real piece of work, you are." "I know, I know." "Why hold a grudge, Jose Ramon?" "25 yrs." "In the insane asylum isn't so long." "That's my point." "Whatever happened to the Lieutenant?" "You won't believe it." "He joined a cult." "All he thinks about is food." "I'm sorry to hear that." "You mean so much to me." "What happened?" "Everybody quiet." "Spark plug..." "We're in business." "Sons of bitches!" "To the past, Joselito!" "To give your mom a kiss!" " Give me a kiss!" " No!" " Give me a kiss!" " No!" " A kiss!" " No!" "Your mommy's going away!" "Your mommy's going away!" "Your mommy..." "Just a little kiss!" "No!" "I don't love you!" "Joselito!" "No!" "Kiss her, boy!" "Come here now, you little rat!" "I'm not a rat!" "Come here rat," "I'll put you to work once mommy's gone." "Your mommy's going away!" "Your mommy's going away!" "Bummer." "What happened?" "We're rich!" "Don't go to Spain, mom." "Spain?" "Why go there?" "The rice pudding's better here..." "The past is changed!" "I changed the past!" "The news made the Pope reconsider." "He gave us another chance, knowing we had a Carmelite in the factory, with an eye for business." "CHICKENS WITH CHEESE" "We, who'd so wanted a child to teach, found the best part of all" "lay in what he taught us." "Tonight, P. Tinto, tra-la-lee!" "That's why I'm up here, eyes shut high up, where dreams are kept..." "To speak from the heart." "To relive those happy moments..." "Momments that only a child could bring back to me." "Breaking News." "The retarded man found abandoned claiming to have come from a flying saucer and who baffled local authorities at last has smiled again." "He was taken to the Basilica and baptized with the name Albert Mary." "He's shown here with his new parents, the Pelaez's, at the entrance of the Church." "Dear brother, in my heart I carry a flower, you give my life meaning and I honor you with all my heart."