"Chef salad, honey mustard on the side." "Wait." "You know what I really want?" "Barbecue beef sandwich." "Okay." "Barbecue beef." "Barbecue beef?" "Two minutes ago," " you were in the mood for a salad." " I changed my mind." "Let me explain what just happened." "See, she likes the salad." "She doesn't love the salad, but she cares for it a lot." "And then she saw the barbecue beef, and it was all hot and saucy and muscular, and then she started to develop some feelings " "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "That's funny." "I like that." "I like how you turned you into the salad and Vince into the barbecue beef." "That's funny, huh?" "You know, I guess now that we're friends, we can do funny stuff like that." "How much longer are you going to be doing funny stuff like that?" "Hard to say, but I would like to point out that the salad is going to an ivy league school, while the beef rides a bike for a living." "All right, I got to go." "Don't want to be late for my first day at work." "Look at you, all getting a job at one of the coolest stores in the city." "Hey, I know." "I mean, I just walked in to get a shirt, and the manager took one look at me and hired me right on the spot." "They must have a rule that they only hire good-looking people." "You know what I mean?" "Ha ha ha ha." "Peace." "I got to go, too." "Hey, uh, listen, don't read anything into this, but the salad has been working out." "Oh, yeah." "Ha ha." "Look at you two, being all friends and stuff." "Ooh, now is the perfect time to go after Vince." " What?" " Well, I mean, that was the deal, right?" "You were going to wait until the time was right?" "Well, hello -- the time is right." "Come on, you've waited, like, a month." "how long are you going to wait?" "Listen, Vince and I want to be together, but Henry means a lot to the both of us." "I mean, if it takes six months, a year, two years " "I know how you can do it sooner." "Thank God!" "How?" "Get Henry a girlfriend." "Now tell me again, but less dumb." "No, dumb?" "It's brilliant." "You get Henry a girlfriend, he's all happy, and you and Vince are good to go." "No, that's manipulative, creepy, and weird." "So, what, you're just not going to do anything?" "Yes." "I'm going to do everything I can" " to get Vince out of my mind." " Here's your salad." "Oh, no, I ordered Vince -- barbecue beef!" "âª Uh-huh âª âª What I like about you âª âª You really know how to dance âª âª When you go up, down, jump around âª" "âª Talk about true romance âª âª Yeah âª âª Keep on whispering in my ear âª âª Tell me all the things that I wanna hear âª" "âª 'Cause it's true âª âª What I like âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like âª" "âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª âª That's what I like about you âª âª What I like about you âª" "âª Hey!" "âª" "Where's Gary?" "I knew it." "He was totally lying about working here." "No, his manager said he's in the back getting ready for his shift." "Oh, my God." "Look at that gorgeous flat belly." "I need to touch it." "Come here." "I'm touching it." "Quit it." "Val, you do look good in that." "You should get it." "No, I shouldn't." "I can't believe I let you talk me into trying this on." "Look at this place." "The clothes, the posters -- it's all about sex." "So?" "So it's offensive." "It's demeaning." "It's an insult to you, to me..." "Ha ha." "Maybe with heels." "Ooh, what about her?" "She'd be perfect for Henry." "She's got that delicate, wispy princess thing going on." "I told you, we're not doing that." " Doing what?" " Tina thinks I should find a girlfriend for Henry." "Lauren, will you tell her that this is a brilliant plan?" "You know, once we get Henry in another relationship, the path to Vince is free and clear." "Ooh, I love it." "Seriously, can I touch your belly, please?" "Stop!" "Okay, I'm not getting Henry a girlfriend, okay?" "I'm going to let everything take its natural course, and when the time is right, everyone will be with everyone they're supposed to be with." "I agree with Holly." "Excuse me." "What?" "Yeah, I think that trying to get Henry a girlfriend is a terrible idea." "Why, because you don't think I'm supposed to be with Vince?" "No, because of what you just said." "Well, what did I say?" "That in time, everyone would be with who they're supposed to be with." "Yeah." "And you agree with that?" "Yes?" "Because you don't think I'm supposed to be with Vince." "Why do you hate Vince?" "What did he ever do to you?" "I..." "I don't hate Vince." "I was just agreeing with you." "Well, I agree with Tina." "Ha!" "Come on, Tina, let's get a girlfriend for Henry." "Okay." "Ooh, you know what?" "I saw a cute little red-haired one over by the -- sweet mother of God!" "Holy crap!" " Damn!" " Damn!" "Thank you very much." "Thanks." " I want to share something with you." " What?" "The very second Gary turns 21, we're going to get married." "Aren't you dating the doctor?" "Oh, we'll be divorced by then." "Val?" "Rick?" "Oh, my God." "I thought that was you." "Yeah, it's me." "Ha ha." "I know." "Look at you." "Look at you." "I'd rather look at you." "I'm bored." "Oh, I'm sorry." "This is -- Rick, this is Lauren." "We went to high school together." "Oh, really?" "My fiancé is in high school." "Okay, so let me take a guess -- you were the star quarterback, and you were the beautiful head cheerleader." "And valedictorian." "Okay, so who dumped who?" " He dumped me." " She dumped me." "What?" "No way." "I didn't dump you." "Oh, come on." "You absolutely dumped me." "Why would I dump you?" "I think I was gross." "I had this weird hair thing going on, and my car horn played the theme from "The Godfather."" "Yeah, maybe I did dump you." "Or maybe we never actually broke up." "Oh, wow." "Then I've cheated on you a lot." "Oh, then I'm so breaking up with you." " No, I'm breaking up with you." " Ha ha ha." "Don't break up with him." "He's so cute." "Ahem." "So what brings you to our fair city?" "Oh, wow. "Fair city."" "I don't usually say "fair city."" "Why do I keep saying "fair city"?" "Ooh, there, I said it again." "Oh, man, you've still got that cute thing where you get all embarrassed, you know, and you kind of babble." "Oh." "I don't babble." "I'm not babbling." "Who said I babble?" "When did I start babbling?" "Maybe since you moved to this fair city." " Ha ha ha." " Yeah." "This is going great." "Ha ha." "Isn't it?" "Uh, so are you living here now?" "Last I heard, you were in Houston." "Yeah, still there, but I'm moving out here in May," " so I'm looking for a place." " Great." "I'm getting married." "Ha ha." "Well." "I have a boyfriend in Italy." "What?" "Yeah, Peter -- Peter " " Peter's his name." "He's in Italy." "He's handsome." "Listen, I..." "I got to go look at an apartment, but I would love to catch up, so do you think your handsome boyfriend would mind if you joined me for drinks tonight?" "I don't think that's a very good idea." "Oh, yes, it is." "Hey, what's Peter always saying?" ""Go out and have fun" -- that's what Pete's always saying, huh?" "So how's 7:00?" "Uh, great." "Okay, Union Square Cafe, and she can't wait." "Tell her I'll see her then." "Okay." "Okay, should I see if Gary's free?" "'Cause then maybe we can double." "Ooh, you know," "I hope he doesn't have too much homework." "Ooh." "Ooh, here comes the body." "You know, I wasn't really sure about this at first." "But I think my partial nakedness just helped me sell" "$200 worth of khakis." "The only drawback is, it's chilly in here." " We know." " We know." "[ giggling ]" "Excuse me." "Duty calls." "Hey, remember how I said we should find a girlfriend" " for Henry?" " Yeah, and remember how I said we're not doing that?" "Apparently, we don't have to." "Who is she?" "I don't know." "She touched his arm." "I bet they're dating." "Tina, if they're dating, that means he's moved on." "And if he's moved on, then clearly, so can I." " [ gasps ] Go find out." " Okay." "Hey, Henry, what's up, man?" "Well, this is..." "unexpected." "I was just, uh, stopping by to introduce you to " "Boy, your nipples are just right there, aren't they?" "Yeah." "[ coughs ] Hey." "Oh, hey, what, uh, what are you doing here?" "Oh, I just came by to see Gary." "I didn't think I was going to see this much of him, but -- hi." "Oh, uh, yeah, Kate, this is, uh, Holly... and Gary." "Um..." "Holly." "Uh-huh." "You know, I'm just gonna run over there and look at those cargo pants." "Okay." "Okay, I gotta say, I'm really uncomfortable." "But yet you can't look away." "Hey, so, uh," "Kate, huh?" "You guys dating?" "No, no, we're not dating." "I just, uh, met her at Princeton, and we exchanged some e-mails." "E-mails, that's good." "Well, she's very pretty." "Don't you think she's pretty?" "She's...yeah..." "So you're not exactly dating, but would you say you're pre-dating -- on the cusp, more or less?" "Well, we're sort of in this place where -- wait, what am I doing?" "I don't have to explain myself to you." "You're not my girlfriend anymore." "Is she?" "That's none of your business." "Okay, we're done." "I've moved on." "So what I'm hearing is, you've moved on." "Yeah." "I've moved on." "Huh." "Well, I'm very happy for you." "Good." " He's moved on!" " Oh, my God!" "[ knock on door ]" "You're not going to believe it." " Henry has a girlfriend." " Wow." "I know, can you believe it?" "We waited all these weeks, and now it's here." "We're good to go!" "What do you want to do first?" "Movies?" "No, it's too dark -- nobody will see us there." "Let's just go outside and hold hands in pure public." " Holly, wait " " No, no more waiting." "We're moving on." "She can't come." "Holly." "Holly, wait." "I cannot believe you." "A few weeks ago, you were telling me that you had feelings for me." "I do." "But we agreed to wait because of Henry." "And you couldn't wait alone?" "You had to do it with a half-naked woman?" "Holly, listen to me." "This just happened." "We were watching a movie, she got up to go to the bathroom with her clothes on, and when she came out, she was totally -- they weren't on." "I mean, what was I supposed to do?" "So you see a naked girl and you have to do something about it?" "Have you ever heard of self-control?" "I have self-control." "I have lots of self-control." "She -- ha ha -- she doesn't." "I mean, sometimes, girls need to learn no means no." "[ groans ]" "Holly, I didn't know we were supposed to stop our lives." "I mean, this thing with Henry could've taken six months, a year, two years..." "I could've waited two years." "Really?" "And you couldn't even wait three weeks." "You're so not who I thought you were." "Ooh, someone looks all pretty for her date." "It's not a date." "It's a class reunion." "Just two old friends getting together to talk about the old times." "And he's engaged." "Engaged?" "Honey, it ain't a done deal till that wedding ring is on his finger, and even then, they come right off." "You know, maybe I should cancel." "I mean, this whole thing feels wrong." "Well, does it feel wrong because he's engaged, or because he's engaged and you haven't had any bourbon?" " Hey." " Hey." " What's the matter?" " I broke up with Vince." "You broke up?" "I didn't know you guys were going together." "Oh, yeah." "We were in a really great place for about 30 seconds." "It was beautiful." "I went over to Vince's, and there was a girl there." "More naked than Gary." "He has a girlfriend?" "Oh, no." "It's just some girl he knows." "And he was acting all like he didn't understand why I was so mad." "I mean, we had a deal." "We were gonna be together when Henry was okay, and we didn't say anything about seeing other people while we were waiting, but we didn't have to say it." "It was understood, right?" "Right?" "!" "Look, I still think that Vince is the wrong guy for you." "I mean, he's older, and he has way more experience." "But in this case, I can kind of see how he thinks he didn't do anything wrong." "Oh, my God." "4:00 in the afternoon?" "Listen, unless you and Vince talked about not seeing other people," "I mean, maybe he just assumed that you'd both see other people until the time was right." "I cannot believe you're doing this." "You are actually defending him." "You have been telling me for weeks that he's wrong for me, and now you are actually standing here defending him." "I'm just looking at it from his perspective." "Okay, I see what you're doing." "You are defending him because you know that if you attack him," "I will defend him." "And in defending him, I will see that maybe he really didn't do anything wrong." "But your reverse psychology isn't going to work, because I just reversed your reverse, and I see what you didn't want me to see, which is that Vince is really an okay guy, and I should give him another shot!" "Ha!" "Okay." "I just got yelled at by my manager." "He said you cannot hang around here unless you buy something, okay?" "[ All ]:" "Okay." "Back up." "[ knock on door ]" "Hey." "Hey." " You alone?" " Yeah." "Can I come in?" "Sure." "Still mad?" "Well, um, the thought of you and that girl together still kind of makes me want to puke a little, but, um, maybe I wasn't being completely fair." "I mean, we weren't officially dating, and we never really said what we were gonna do while we were waiting." "I chose to hang out with my friends, and you chose to lay on top of yours." "Look, you know I would never intentionally hurt you." "I know." "Oh, hey." "Hey." "You done with my DVD?" "On the TV." "You coming over for the Knicks?" "You're killing me." "See you later." " That's Tyler." " She has a key?" "I have a key to her place, too." "Oh..." "I'm out of here." "Wait a minute." "No, I have to go." "Wait!" "Holly, she's a neighbor." "Oh, she's a neighbor?" "That's right." "I've known her since I first moved in here." "We watch basketball together, share DVDs." "She gets my mail, I get her mail." "And you never slept with her?" "Oh, my God." "Yes." "Yes." "I had a brief relationship with her two years ago before I met you." "All right?" "Okay?" "I have a past, and there are girls in it." "Yeah, and they're coming in through the frickin' windows!" "I don't know what to tell you." "I like girls." "I've always liked girls." "But I also want to tell you I think this can work." "And I hope I can do this." "You hope?" "Yeah, I can't guarantee it'll work." "I mean, no one can guarantee." "What?" "What did I say?" "What do you want?" "I want to go back to this afternoon when I came over here to tell you that we could be together." "And I wanted you to be as excited as I was, and I didn't want to hear "I hope I can do this"" "and "I'm gonna try" and "there are no guarantees."" "And, God, I didn't want there to be girls." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry it's not exactly the way you wanted it, but the best way to start a relationship is by being honest." "A bunch of people told me that." "This is amazing." "You're saying all the wrong things." "Okay." "Okay." "This isn't the way you pictured it, and you're not hearing the exact words you want to hear, but at least I'm willing to give it a shot." "I've only got light beer." "You cool with that?" "You're killing me." "Oh, shoot, I guess Holly's not here." "I really wanted her to see you." "I know how we can get her here." "Back in the day, every time we started to fool around, bam, there was Holly." "Ha ha." "So, you want to make out?" "[ both laugh ]" "But I'm engaged!" "Yeah, and I got a boyfriend in Italy." "So..." "Yeah." " Red Hots." " What?" "You used to love Red Hots." "You remember that?" "Oh, are you kidding?" "I'll never forget." "Remember that night when we tried to see how many you could get in your mouth before you screamed?" "Six boxes." "Ha ha." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Seeing you standing there, mouth full of Red Hots, tears streaming down your face," "I remember thinking right then," ""I am totally in" " "Where the hell have you been?" "Totally in -- in what?" "Val, I've been waiting for you for, like, an hour and a half." "I need to talk to you." "Wait, that's Holly?" "Yeah." "But she -- she got so tall and pretty, and that whole snot thing cleared up." "You remember Rick, right?" "Oh, yeah." "Hey, dude." "Val, I need to talk to you." "Okay." "Hey, remember that time I ran over your bike?" "Rick, I'd love to stroll down memory lane, but right now, I'm totally shattered." "Need my sis." "Okay." "I'm here." "I'm sorry." "Totally cool." "I get it." "Hey, uh, it's good to see you, Holly, and, um... hope everything works out." "Okay, well, it was really great seeing you again." "Good luck with everything -- your job, fiancée, new life." "And I hope we see each other again soon." "Yeah, aren't you taking me to the airport tomorrow?" " Lunch first?" " Definitely." "Okay." "I'm very angry with you." "Me?" "Yeah, you." "You ruined me." "You made me watch all those romantic movies " ""Ghost," "Endless Love," "Ice Castles,"" "and you said that one day, we would both have that." "Well, it's crap." "Hey, those movies aren't crap." "Okay, well, yeah," ""Ice Castles" doesn't really hold up, but we should both have that." "Well, then, why don't I have it?" " What happened?" " He didn't do it." "He didn't say any of those things." "He was, like, "I'm gonna try,"" "and "there are no guarantees," and Tyler was there." "Why didn't you just let me watch prison movies like I wanted?" "I'm sorry." "But listen to me -- sometimes movies aren't exactly like real life." "But no matter what, never settle for anything that doesn't feel right." "Okay." "So now how do I stop liking him?" "That I can't help you with." "But you were right before when you said that everyone will end up with exactly who they're supposed to be with." "I just got your message." "He's such a jackass." "But I brought you something to cheer you up." " Cake?" " Better." "Bring it in here!" "All right, I'm only doing this because I love you and you're my friend, and they said that this will make you feel better, so go ahead." "You can touch my abs." "Aw." "Gary, I love you, too, but that's weird." "Okay." "Wait!" "Wait, I have pain." "I have no one in my life." "I confuse sex with love." "You want in?" "Well, I do feel kind of bad for my sister." "Ooh."